davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1904-10-09
ATEMPEsT IN A TEAPOT

A short time ago a popular maya
zine printed a clever tale about two
mems efforts to win customers for their
respective soaps. Both built yachts
for a race which was to be sailed on an
inland lake. The people on the shores
of the lake had not yet declared in ia
vor of either mans soap, but all were
intensely interested in the yacht race.
The lieutenant of one of the men re-
ceived orders which puzzled him great
ly. He was, according to these rumors,
to lose every race. Finally, the orders
proving too much for his sporting
blood, he went to his employer and de-
manded the reason for them. It's like
this said the astute gentleman;
every time 1 lose race the people.
out of sympathy, buy my soap. for the
Americans are always for the under
dog. Therefore, we will continue to
lose the races"
Nobody has suspected the gallant Sir
Thomas Upton of deliberately losing
race, but not a few Americans have be-
lieved that Sir Thomas chief interest
over here was not loving cup but
teacup. Therefore the drastic editorial
published in the Yachtsman, British
sporting magazine, and widely quoted,
contains no news, though its tone viii
undoubtedly arouse the resentment Of
all Yankees. In the first place 1t in
sinuates that Sir Thomas Upton has
bunkoed Americans. This is undoubt-
eddy untrue of Sir Thomas. While ne
probably did give some thought to the
advertising that would result, he made
a game fight in the races for which ne
entered and won the respect OF his
competitors. Americans are not easily
bunkoed; and if Sir Thomas only OBJ
| iect in coming over here had been to
secure advertisement for the LiDton
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1904-10-09

sure to become the fashion again, so
the announcement that the warming
pan is to be restored to favor will sur
prise no one who has pinned his faith
well question the desirability Of intro
ducing the warming pan into steam
heated age that cannot by any possible
chance consider it either useful or
comforting article of domestic furni-
ture. To drag it from its seclusion
merely to prove that one had grand
father who depended on the comfort 1t
secured for him is to add nothing to
it's glory On the contrary, it is pos
sible that its very restoration will
bring disrepute upon it, for the sus-
picion of spuriousness may attach it
self to many of these suddenly re-
stored warming pans. just as the sus-
picion of spuriousness has attached it
self to so many grandfathers. Like
the modern demand for grandfathers,
the modern demand for warming pans
that have figured in ones ancestral
past may exceed the supply.
Except for that one unfortunate cpl
sode in its history when it figured as Ex-
hibit A in the case of Bardeif VS.. Pick
wick, no breath of fair fame has dark
ened the fair fame of the warming
pan. In a humble capacity it has
served man well in the past. 1t is only
fair, therefore, that now, when it is
no longer needed, it shall be allowed to
repose in peace in that obscurity to
which steam heat and furnaces have rel
egated it. To compel it to serve the
purpose of passing fad is to cheaper
it in the eyes of generation that can
have no occasion to test its real worth
Let society think twice before restoring
the warming pan.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1904-10-09
MIGHT BE WORTH TRYING

City councils are constantly in q
quandary when applications for fran
chises are. presented to them to know
whether these are bona fide or asked
for speculative purposes only. A great
business has been done in the past In
franchise trading. Privileges have
been received gratis from city councils
or state legislatures, and the corpora
ton whose business would suffer by
the installation of a rival has been ap-
preached as soon as a franchise was
received, and has bought out its COM
petitor at a good round sum. The
public gained nothing in service, and
Of course had to pay in charges, in
terest and dividends on the increased
capital involved. For this reason all
applications are now carefully scanned.
AS far as possible this species Of
transaction has been guarded against.
The best safeguard is TO make ex-,
elusive franchises impossible. The
franchise monger has poor business
where anybody else can come In next
day and get the same privileges that he
has secured and wishes to hawk about
the streets. 1t was thought that an
end could be put to the business by
making the franchise nom transferable
and requiring as condition of grant
ing it that the grantee should not con-
solidate with any competing company.
But it has been found easy to whip the
devil around this stump by transfer
ring enough stock to give actual con-
troll to parties desiring to purchase.
The whole difficulty remains one Of the
puzzles of public authorities In dealing
with the franchise question.
1t might be worthy of consideration
whether to that condition, that there
shall be no consolidation with any
other company, the further considera-
ton should be added that the stock
Of the new company shall be abso-
lutely non-transferable for a period Of
years. 1t seems as if this might build
barrier which no one could climb
over. No city council can be sure
| whether an application made to it is
in good faith of not. Even If it is, one
| cannot be sure that this good faith
| will continue If a fiattering offer to
buy is received. Legislation to pre-.
vent consolidation or sale has been
found difficult to enforce. IT, however,
there were a condition in every charter
| or franchise that the stock of the new
company should be absolutely nom
| transferable for q period of, say, ten
years, the projectors would either re-
tire from the field or be obliged to put
actual money into the concern, go
ahead and do business. 1t seems to us
that some such expedient as this is
worthy of serious consideration by all
legislative bodies.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1904-10-09
The SECRETS OF THE BouDolR

Time was when woman represented
profound mystery to the other sex
mystery that was only partly reveal
ed by the occasional hints dropped by
her dearest friend. That was an age
when the chivalrous regard and consid-
Grafton of mankind strewed woman's
path with roses, when no suspicion was
attached to golden locks and when
any maiden's head might turn auburn
in single night without provoking
single masculine comment.
But the. dressmakers conventions
and Answers to Correspondents" have
changed all that. Today the boudoir
with its toilet table is no holy of holes,
for mere man has been initiated into
the mysteries of the cold cream jug;
what may be accomplished with lemon
juice and glycerine is no secret to him,
and he feels justified in regarding with
suspicion the gold that glistens in my
lady's hair. Moreover, straight front"
is English so far as he is concerned
and slipping shoulders no longer rep
resent nature, but art, to him.
Certainly women have been the
losers because of these revelations. but
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1904-10-09
THE ONLY WAY

Now let the Anglomaniacal managers
and let every American playwright
who has been blushing unseen in some
of hope in his heart. for there has
risen up in Gotham one who has
demonstrated that he knows how to
obtain a hearing for the dramatic crea-
ton of his brain. The man in ques-
opera In six acts, recently approached
manager with the request that he
read his work. But the manager, real
izing that the opera had been written
in America even though the playwright
was not an American, waved him
haughtily away. Whereupon said play
wright strong man physically, set
upon the manager and having reduced
him to comatose condition began
reading aloud the first of the six acts.
The arrival of the police interfered
with what undoubtedly would have
been great triumph for the American
playwright.
| To be sure, the fisticuff method Of
obtaining a hearing is not dignified
one, and many will not hesitate to de-
clare that the playwright who has
originated 1t has really gained nothing.
AS for the first assertion, however, ex-
perience has proved that 1t is the only
way; and in regard to the question
whether or not the author Of the serio-
comic opera in six acts has improved
his prospects by his fstic bout, while
1t is too soon to express a definite
opinion, no one can deny that some
slight impression has been made by
him on one manager, at least. 1t seems
extremely probable that in the future
other managers will hesitate before
refusing the dramatic offering of one
who has Enthusiastically proven his abil-
ity in another line.
Heretofore the American stage has
not been for the American playwright.
His offerings have been scorned, he
himself has had insult heaped upon
him. But the American playwright
appears about to have his day. If he
takes the hint dropped by the author
of the serio- comic opera in six acts, he
will spend some part of each day ac-
quiring muscle with the dumbbel and
the Indian club. Then when, tucklng
his manuscript under his arm, he sal
lies forth to meet the American man
ager he may feel reasonably sure Of
being able to write "veni, vidi, vici"
after the encounter. For 1t has been
demonstrated that there is at least one
way of conquering the American man
ager and the future looks very bright
for the American playwright.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1904-10-09

is what The city council has thus far
refused to do. The ordinance intro
duced just after the great storm was
not in any way extreme. It's provisions
were reasonable and could have been
enforced without hardship. The au-
thorities omitted an opportunity to
beauty and benefit the city when they
refused to enact it.
The free lunch ordinance is a veri-
table chestnut. 1t arouses Impotence
to find men of weight and dignity vast
ing their time on subject like this.
We have already discussed it at such
length that. we need say no more here
than to reiterate the proposition that
should rule the subject out of discus
sion for all time The city council
should take no cognizance of it at ALL
1t is matter for regulation by the
saloon interest itself If the saloon
keepers wish to stop the free lunch
business, let them stop it. If they do
not, they have no more business to call
upon the public authorities than mer-
chant has to ask the city council to
prevent competitor from selling more
cheaply and selling different grade
of goods than his own. The free lunch
may be all that its enemies charge
against it, but it is no subject for mu-
nicipal legislation. These two mistakes
of the aldermen are not serious in
themselves, but they indicate points Of
view that ought to be corrected.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1904-10-09
TWO MISTAKES

The board of alderman walked calm
ly on Tuesday evening into two errors.
from which past experience and ample
discussion should have set them free.
1t is thousand pities that body of
men SO responsible and in general SO
careful of public interests should take
the position that they have with refer
ence to billboards and free lunches.
Nobody wants any injustice done to
the billboard proprietors, but every
body wants them put under some res
sonable regulation and restraint. ZAAs
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1904-10-09
Contemporary Comment
Our Trade with Canada

We in New England are greatly in
terested in extension of our trade with
the Dominion. The West is also inter-
ested, but it's interest is not so insist
ent and along lines not entirely in har-
mony with ours, since Western farm
ers do not desire competition in natu-
raj products. The South would like to
sell Canada more cotton and more cot
ton cloth. So to arrange our proposal
that it shall harmonic the desires Of
all sections will be no easy task, yet
without such an arrangement being eff
fected, negotiation will be But waste
of time. The proposal coming from the
United States must be national, not
decentralization Transcript
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1904-10-09
ST. Louis Weary of the Fair

We've had enough of worlds fair to
last us for several centuries. The fair
people couldn't and wouldn't stand an
other eight months. st. Louis general
ly doesn't want another siege of enter
tanning. Business men haven't realized
as they expected upon the fair trade.
There hasn't been much money ex
pended by the fair crowds outside the
grounds and the little hotels. The big
downtown hotels realized nothing in
the way of business up to about three
weeks ago. No; we don't want any
more fair than we've got to have under
the law.-St. Louis Mirror.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1904-10-09
A DAY AFTER The FAIR

The ChamDer OIL commerce passed
the usual resolutions lately favoring a
consolidation of the government of
Ramsey county and the city Of ST. Paul.
The purpose is proper and worthy
one. There is no possible objection to
this consolidation, and there has not
been for the past fifteen or twenty
years. There are many reasons in favor
of It, including the convenience Of the
public, economy in the transaction of
business and the presumptive consid-
cradle lowering of the tax rate. Yet
the union has never been consum-
mated and is not likely to be at the
present time. The rock in the way is
the fact that it would lessen the num-
Der of offices and salaries. Every man
who would be displaced, every employee
under him and every man who hopes
to hold one of these Offices in the fu-
ture is active against the change, while
nobody except the trainers of the reso-
1ut1OuS SSeuiS fSdOy " w ally eAiAn5
for it.
The skirts of h e Clio b are clear
in this matter 1t endeavored vainly by
one appeal after another to interest our
business men and taxpayers in the leg
islative nominations 1t pointed out
the fact that these positions are of i'm
mensely more Importance to our people
than the filling of either city or county
offices. 1t showed the vital necessity
of harmony and unity of action among
| business men, to send to the legisla-
ture delegation selected from both
parties consisting of strong and trust
worthy men. Without any reflection
upon the candidates that have been
nominated, it is perfectly obvious that
business men took no interest in the
matter. They let the nominations go
largely by default on both sides, and
| their wishes will not have any particu-
lar weight.
One of the first reforms in local af-
fairs and one Of the easiest to achieve
is this union of city and county. We
are carrying on double government at
considerable inconvenience and great
expense for no purpose whatever. No
manager of business concern would
allow this duplication of work and ex-
| n iorI,+ xyo
could stop it whenever we please, but
we will not do so by resolutions, or de-
bates, or meetings, or interviews or
any other appeal whatsoever except
| the practical one. If the business or
CARNATIONS of this city should demand
such move and should go out and Sc
cure the nomination of candidates to
the legislature pledged to it, they would
win the first time. They would get not
only that, but support for such other
measures as might help them and adj
vance the interests of st. Paul.
With the entire indifference that has
been manifested in the past toward the
choice of legislative nominees, except
only when the capitol question was
under consideration, st. Paul has no
one but herself to complain of for such
experience as she has received. T e
Glob would like to see the city and
county governments consolidated, but
1t is day after the fair to talk about
that now; unless our business men
should agree to make it an issue, and
we should be able to force legislative
candidates to put themselves on record
in advance for OF against it.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1904-10-09
VIII Have Noble Tombs

WORCESTER, Mass, Oct. S.-The
sons of the late Senator Marcus A.
Hanna are to erect 100000 mauso-
leum on the family lot in Lakeview
cemetery, Cleveland, to contain eight
cen catacombs for members of the
Hanna family. In the center will lie
two mammoth sarcophagi of pure Nor
wegian marble. One will contain the
body of Senator Hanna, and the other
will be the final resting place of Mrs.
Hanna
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1904-10-09
Among the Merrymakers
The MilIcreek PHILOSOPHER

It doesn't make so much difference what
kind of a job man has as how well he
holds it.
An advantage in having real troubles is
that you don't have time to worry about
imaginary ones.
The more honest man is the less he
says about it.
/ believe I'd rather lose fat steer than
feel as badly as some men do when they
have to spend dollar.-Cincinnati Com
mercial Tribune.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1904-10-09
such a Combination

mo" said the cheerful idiot, as he
lighted a cigar, "I never use tobacco"
why, man, you are smoking now" the
new boarder cried.
"That's not tobacco" said the idiot.
what Is it, them?
would call it, but the filler Is from Con-
necticut and the wrapper is from Mrs.
Wigs cabbage patch. Have one?'-
Cleveland Plain Dealer
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1904-10-09
An International Affair

'sBillville international Emporium" is a
sign over building in the rural district,
and the stranger is further informed that
within he may purchase:
Postal cards, side meat, stamped en-
velopes corsets, new molasses collins,
school books, hardware, homemade
cheese, Webster's Unabridged dictionary,
and first-class fertilizers. ATLANTA Con-
stitution
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1904-10-09
Far Alvey From Home

The first national Republican plat
form in 1856 denounced the twin rel
les of barbarism-slavery and polyg
amy Now the Republican party has
an alliance with slavery in the Sulus
and is trying to carry Utah and Idaho
by an alliance with polygamy.-New
York World
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1904-10-09
Vinerous and Ganqrenish

Tom Watson, of Georgia, who was
Democrat, until defeated for congress,
has had, as the Richmond Times Dis
patch says, "a kind of viperish, gan
grenish hatred for the Democracy ever
since Judge Fuller of Georgia, mopped
races for ngress."-Nashville Amer
lean,
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1904-10-09
The Quantity He Wanted

An Irishman, meeting another one holi-
day invited him to the nearest saloon to
.What'H ye have, Jim?" said the host.
'T don't know. What are We going to
take?"
II think I'll take a pale ale"
"All right said the other, give me a
pail, too."-October Lippincotts.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1904-10-09
No Law for Him

Judge Parker keeps on talking about
the law, just as If the law had some
thing to do with the actions OF presi-
dent. Such simplicity is enough to
make Mr.. Roosevelt smile.-Baltimore
Sun.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1904-10-09
AS the Opposition Knows

Mr.. Cleveland is not going to make
speeches during this campaign, but in
all probability he will say something
from time to time. And what he says
will mean neutrality-suspicious. News.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1904-10-09
Two More ela Lake FreIahters

DETROIT, Mich, Oct. s.--Announce-
ment was made today bX the Great Lakes
Engineering works Of the signing OF CEN
tracts for two large lake freighters. One,
which is to be built for the Western
Transit company, of Buffalo. IS to be a
DUPLICATE of the new steamer Duluth. OF
the same line. The other contfact cans
for nc. 0aa-ton coarse freighter, 524 fcet
l0y,<r
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1904-10-09
New York,s Supremacy

A registration of 57s,S54 pupils in the
public schools of New York is record
achievement in that line. 1t Is not
surpassed or equaled in any city in
the world.-Boston Herald.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1904-10-09

If the crusade against fortune tellers
is carried to a conclusion in New York
Mr.. Cortelyou's dream book win be
taken from him and he will be put out
of business.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1904-10-09
And How About the Dog Dinner

The Intervention Of society in behalf
of Hon. Hugh Quincy is likely to Gre
ate an abnormal demand for cyclone
cellars about the time the news reaches
Col. Observation-Disclosures North
American
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1904-10-09

Mr.. Payne, of Boston, who has de-
clared for universal peace and Roose-
welt appears to have got little bit
mixed.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1904-10-09
Since They Cost Nothinq

Eugene Debs says he hopes to get
/ 100000 votes. There is no reason why
any man should be stingy in his wishes
Washington Post.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1904-10-09
They Have Such Odd Dreams

After George AIDE dined with the
president he predicted that Indiana
would go Republican by 10000. What
kind of drops does he put in their
coffee baltimore Sun.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1904-10-09
Between Inventors

.eWhat have you done with that last
patent of yours?'
he kicked me out, and then to another,
and he took me in."-Paris Figaro.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1904-10-09
Need Bio Sticks

That organization of negro rough
riders in Virginia should show their
consistency by arming themselves with
big sticks, and thus honor their pro-
Observation-Disclosures Advertiser.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1904-10-09
The Mature Of an oath

Justice-Do you understand the nature
of an oath, little girl?
Little Girl-Its something you say
vvhen YOU hit your head against the man
teI.-Boston Transcript
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1904-10-09
rha . Mon+be

| Said the humorist-Shal l write some
| thing about the r months, making coy
and ingenious use of Septemb r and oyst
Said the managing editor-H you do, We
ought to Fl R you for a lobst R.-Cleveland
| Leader.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1904-10-09
of the SNOWY Sort

When the Fairbanks is on the pump
kin, perhaps the Republicans will be
able to arouse little enthusiasm
Memphis Commercial-Appeal.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1904-10-09
At oyster Bay

Round and round the ragged rocks
the rugged Roosevelt ran-and the
newspaper men still pursued him.
Life.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1904-10-09
Too Hot Outside

At the entrance Of a little provincial
restaurant on which the sun ponrs down
there has been this sign all summer: ON
hot days the veranda Is inside. lie I'll
caro-.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1904-10-09
A Saving Quality

Judge Parker knows more common
law than Mr.. Roosevelt does, and has
more common sense.-Birmingham
Age Herald.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1904-10-09

The reorganization of the state CEN
trail committee does not seem to bring
back the boiling Collins people, and
now every Republican is needed as a
campaign organizer to bring in the
voters.-Windom Reporter.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1904-10-09

Kuropathn has lost Kuroki's army.
Some of those Russians are SO care
less!
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1904-10-09

When a member of the legislature
only receives $500 for his services and
has to pay out from $500 to $1,000 to
secure an election, is it any wonder so
many go wrong when it comes to vot-
News.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1904-10-09

Wisconsin Democrats have prepared
a Peck of trouble for the Republican
machine.-Moorhead Citizen.