Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1904-10-12
Jokes A CENTURY OLD.
Some Are Still Going the Rounds Of
Comic Papers and Stump Speeches.

oome are Sui Yong the ROUNDS O1
Comic Papers and Stump Speeches.
From the Kansas City Journal
What ID regarded as the most valuable
collection of ancient jokes In existence has
just been presented to the Missouri State
Historical Society by w. H. Thompson OF
near Columbia The chestnuts are In los
aimanacs. one for each year since 1895.
In the almanac for 1904. now Just a cen.
fury old. considerable space is devoted to
original jokes, witty remarks and humor-
Gus anecdotes" Here are a few of the
very funny" things in the almanac OF
1904:
"A dull Judge of the inferior courts OF a
sister state, having attended to a variety
OF causes In the morning, went to dine at a
friends house with a most excellent ap-
petite. Among the company was a witty
barrister The judge. eating very heartily
OF dish of salmon. observed that he had
filed himself SO full that he needed hoop
ing.
Your honor is much more In want OF
heading replied the witty barrister.''
"a professor. lecturing on heat, observed
that one of its most conspicuous properties
was the power of expanding all bodies. A
humorous student rose in his seat and
asked: is that the reason the days In
warm weather are longer than those In
coId?"
mr.. Hare and Mr.. Fox had apart
ments in the same house and each had
frequent visits from the bafliffs One
morning, as he was looking out of his
window, Mr.. Fox saw two Of them at the
door. Pray, gentlemen. said he. are you
Fox hunting or Hare hunting this morn
mgr"
''Sir John Doyle, on being Informed by a
traveller that he had been in country
where the bugs were so large and powerful
that two Of them would drain man 8
blood in single night. humorousiy replied:
My dear sir, we have similar animals In
Ireland. but there we call them hum
bugs
"a man having been capitally convicted
at Old Bailey was, as usual, asked what he
had to say why Judgment OF death should
not be passed on him. 'SayT replied he,
enough already. and the less said the bet
ter-if you please. we will drop the sub
ject.'"
an newly raised corps a soldier lately
observed to his comrade, who was an
Irishman, that a corporal was to be dis
missed from his regiment. Faith and in
deed. said the Irishman, I hope 1t fs the
corporal who is so troublesome in our
company What is his name?' replied the
other. Why, corporal punishment, to be
sure replied Pat"
"a person who could not read a syllable
took up a newspaper in New York coftee
house, and. holding 1t upside down. pre-
tended to peruse the ship advertisements
on the first page with great attention.
What news?' inquired bystander. There
has been a great storm in the West In
dies replied the reader. the vessels are
all upset"
"A country squire asked a merry-andrew
why he was playing the fool. For the
same reason you do said he, out of want.
You do 1t for want Of wit, I for want OF
money"
Some of the jokes, humorous remarks.
puns and witticisms which were perpe.
trated in the western Comick Almanac&'
in 1884 and which have not yet outl1ved
their usefulness are the following:
"As a broker folding some bank
bills a wag observed: You must grow rich
fast 1 perceive you readily double your
money"
"a poor country hawker. being detected
in the act of shooting butcher bird. was
taken before a justice. so, fellow. cried
the justice. you see fit to shoot without a
license, do you? oh, no. your honor.
said the offender; I have a license Tor
hawking So saying he handed his ped
dIer's license and. the bird shot being q
hawk he was discharged"
when Mr.. Alexander Gun was dis
charged from the Edinburgh custom house
the entry made against his name was: "A.
Gun, discharged for making false re-
port