The Savannah morning news., 1904-11-13
MR.. DOOLEY
- ON *
The Intellectual Life.
BY F. P. DUNNE.
Copyright 1904, by Mcclure. Phillips & Co.
BY F. P. DUNNE.
Copyright, 1904, by Mcclure. Phillips & Co.

6OOOOOCk'GOO~'-N-'
well sir" said Mr. Dooley. at
.,rs+ be a gran thing to be a colledge
professor"
,.Rut great deal to say" said Mr..
Doo,av. 'Ivry day tn minyit 1 pick
~ me paper afther I've read tn
--,~,iral an other pollytickal news,
~, snoortin' news, tn rale estate adj
'.ortisemints. tn invytation firm tn
.rltured foreign gent to meet an
American lady iv some means, object
r,ettber iv more money. tn sport
n, news over again. thin tn iditoryals,
hasten to find out what tn colledge
nro-Assor had to say yesterdah. 1
,gisbt TIL iditor wud put in it tn same
ooIumn iv tn pa-ayer ivry day. Thin
Ia ,rldden't have to collect amy 9TH
~ fInnv column. Humorous: Prof1s-
cor Windhaul iv Harvard makes a
soyi5ge attack on Abraham Lincoln
Is II is. 1 sometimes have to hunt
tbrougb tn pa-aper firm tn Newport
scandal on page wan to tn religious
notes on page two hundherd an four
bsfIIre come acrost me fav-rite fun
nv sayins iv funny fellows.
.T've been collictin' these wurruds
T. wisdom FIR a long time, Hinnissy,
on I'm now prepared to deliver We a
sa1,nle colIedge lecture on all subjicks
er'nn TIL creation iv tn wurruld:
ryoung gintlemen: I viii begin be say
IN, that I have me doubts about tn
-,arvous stories consarnin' TIL creation
90 ~ wl1rruld. In tn first place, 1
dismiss with a loud laugh tn theory
that 1t was created in six days. cud
make such a poor wurruld as this in
two days with a scroll saw. Akelly
nrenosterous is tn idee that it wasn't
made at all but grew up out Nv nav
thIn'. Me idee is that tn wurruld is
. chunk iv tn sun that was Clipped
nff be a colisyon with tn moon, cool
cd down an advertised FIR rooThers. AS
N It's age. 1 differ with tn Bible. Me
own opinyon iv tn age iv tn arth is
mat IT is about twinty-eight years old
Thas is as far as 1 go back.
'speakin' iv tn Bible, it is an in
threstin' wurruk, but tn English is
poor. I advise all iv We not to lnJure
ye'er style be readin' tn prisint edi-
tons, but if we want rale good Eng
nsh We will read tn Bible thI'anslated
into Hoosier Object be Professor Lum-
sum Jiggs " tn University Nv Barry's
Corner wan Nv our gr-reatest lithrach-
oors. whose loss to tn sody wather
business was a gloryous gain to relliJon
an letthers. If we want to make
comparison to show We how lithrachoor
fAas improved compare tn wurruks ~
Homer an Jiggs. Homer nodded. He
niver nodded to me but he nodded.
But has Jiggs nodded? Niver. lie
to. r. c PNgN
sandth book now an has larned to
wurruk a sicond typewriter with his
feet. Read Jiggs an forget about
Homer. AS FIR SHAKESPEARE, he is a
dead wan. TIL opinyon l have Nv
Shakespeare is so low that I will not
express it befure ladies. / amt sayin'
that his wurruks have not been pop lar
among tn vulgar. An he might have
amounted to something If he had been
itjacated but his language is base an
he had no imagination. I guess that
will hold Bill FIR awhile. TIL great
est potes tn wurruld has projooced
are Ransom Stlggs an j. B. Mulcoon
~ Keokuk. TIL Keokuk school Nv
pothry has all others badly stung. j.
3. Mulcoon has discovered more
rhymes FIR dear thin Al Tinnyson iver
heerd iv.
Me opinyon iv ponyticks II We shud
ask me FIR it is that we might as well
give UP tn experiment. A governmint
founded be an OF farmer like George
Wash'nton an a job printer like Ben
Franklin was bound to go down in
room. II has abandoned all their
idees, which was a good thing. an
made worse vans. Look at Lincoln.
There's fellow ivrybody is always
orackin up. But what did he amount
to? What did he do but carry on a
war, FIRE tn slaves an run this mis-
rable country? But who asked him
to free tn slaves? I didn't. man
utterly lackin' in principle an sinse
throlled be it. An who ar-re tn mob
that direct this country? A lot ~