Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1904-05-06

How about referencesY inquired
the mistress. ooh, loike yer looks,
num-" said the applicant, '.an' won't
ask yer for references"
Bobbles-What does this author
mean by saying that the hero had
''well-carved" features? Dobbles-
Perhaps he shaved himself.
'I wonder what makes my eyes SO
weak" said an ultra Radical once to
Mr.. Disraei. why, they are in a
weak place." said the latter.
Little Willie-say. pa. how does an
army scour the country? Pa-With
brushes, my son. Little Willie-With
brushes? Pa-Yes, brushes with the
enemy.
May-Did Clara's husband leave
her much when he died? Belle-He
left enough to make her comfortable,
but not enough to get her second
husband.-Life.
Waiter-Will you try course din
ner? Country Groom-No, sir; no
coarse dinner for us. Bring us in the
finest one you've got. We don't come
down to the city every day; do we,
Matilda?
He-Do you know, dear, was just
upstairs looking at baby, and 1 be-
lieve she has got your hair. She
(springing up)-Good gracious! I
thought I had put that switch out of
the child's reach!
did you ever see the Dardanelles
while you were in Europe?" NO"
answered Mr.. Cumrox. "You see, we
were SO busy sightseeing that we
didn't have time to call on any OF our
friends" s."-Washington Star.
First Boy-And because you couldn't
find a penny to pay the fare. did the
conductor make you get off the omni-
bus and walk? Second Boy-No, he
only made me get off. I could have
sat in the road if 1 wanted to.-Tit-
Bits.
"a tall bride is the best-looking,
don't you think?" ''WeH," replied the
titled Englishman who had caught On
to little American slang, $50 far as
I am personally concerned, certainly
am not looking for one who is short"
Evening Post.
The army officer looked with dis
pleasure at tho soiled sheet Of paper
that had been handed him. That's a
measly looking document" he ex-
claimed. "Yes, SIR" said the subor-
dinate, touching his hat. "It's the
sick ist."-Chicago Tribune.
Edyth-Yes, you, see she told the
count that her fathers partner had
robbed him Of nearly all his wealth,
just to test his love for her Mayme-
And then? Edyth-He asked her for
a letter Of introduction to the daughter
of her fathers partner.-Chicago
News.
Johnny-I wish my folks would
agree upon one thing and not keep
me all the time in a worry. Tommy
What have they been doing now?
] Johnny-Mother won't let me stand
ON my head, and dad is all the time
fussing because 1 wear my shoes out
50 fast.
Mistress (returning from holiday
Why, Bridget, whatever has become
Of the parrot? Bridget-Well, you see,
mum, after you left it looked a bit
pining like and didn't talk much, SO
the cook and put it out OF it's misery,
poor thing, and had it stuffed for
my new 'at.-Judy.
"They say" said Mrs. Oldcastle,
that Mr.. Faddlethwaite, who used
to belong to our church, has become
an agnostic" "Is that so? Josiah
used to take his lunch at the same
place he did down town, and he says
be often warned him that he'd get it
Il he didn't give up eatin' so fast.
Chicago Record-Herald.
Hallit-What's the matter, Klayi
You look all tired out? Klay-And no
I've had hard day Of it.
don't know when I've worked so hard.
I looked at tho men clean up the rail-
road station this morning, and after
that I sawethree safes raised into four.
story windows, and four loads of coal
delivered in baskets.-Boston Tran
script.
They had been married only three
short weeks, and he was actually in
terested in his paper at the dinner
table. Darling" she began in a tone
meant to be reproachful, 'do you love
me just as much as you ever did?"
"Sure thing" he answered briefly.
She ought to have been satisfied to
let it 60 at that. but she wasn't.
s'Why?" she asked. "Don't know"
be replied. "Just fool habit I've got
into, 1 suppose" Then for seventeen
seconds silence reigned
News.
At the first performance on the new
church organ no one in the audience
was better pleased than the maid en-
ployed in the organist's family. 80
you liked the music, did you, Mary?"
said the orsanist the next morning,
Of her enthusiasm having
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