The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1904-09-13
THE NoNpAREJL man

How as Simple Thing as the Stealing of
Kennel Of Bologna sausases that Had
Not Paid the Dog Tax Gave Pleasure to
the thoughtful Voters of the Quiet Lit
tile City of Marion, NJ. D.-"The senti-
mel Editors Revenge, or Who sNipped
the Sausage"
The Marion IN. d. Sentinel records a
good joke played on Paul Sitz, who ham
dies little bologna sausage as a side
line In his department store. It was Stz
who put up a game on the editor few
weeks ago and had him chasing franti-
cally about town after his best girl. So
the Sentinel had been on the watch ever
since. I: Last week Sitz hung about two
rods Of sausage out back of his shop SO
the flies could light on it and cage it
properly. After it had Tapped in the
wind while. and served as a roost for
few bacilli to wipe their feet on, a bunch
Of bad boys, tho some say it was the
editor, nipped the whole line of sausage
and dragged it away. - ..-.N
Mr. SitZ threw. a pale blue fit when he
discovered his loss, but he quoted down
after awhile and blamed himself for not
paying his dog tax. In the morning the
sausages were found sound and unframed
in their. old places and fairly barking with
joy at their safe return.
made from autumn leaves and picked
oakun is. now On tap at Sits emporium
for fellows who come around and ask after
the "bologny." rs. "-
The Adrian Democrat records in poetry
how William Ioper sometimes known as
Bill, Of that town attempted to encourage
the kitchen fire before breakfast by the
use of kerosene and erred grievousy.
William was cross and sleepy and he
neglected to look at the can when it was
red !: It contained gasolene and William
! used it and touched match to it. He
lit on the grass and is not quite sure
yet whether he. came thru the door or
window, both being. out when he came to.
| He was badly burned and is wearing his
eye in a sling yet, but. my goodness he's
SO glad to be- alive, anyhow, that he don't
care much about an eye
| Such things sometimes happen to a
man who deprives his wife of the privi
lege of building the kitchen fire. 'Tis
wrong. v p ~-- 49,.
Walt Mason tells how the statuesque
lady was just driven to matrimony. I
have two nieCes,'' he says both females.
| One is tall and Junoesque-or, rather, she
was a year or two ago: she was one. of the
| finest looking woman you ever saw. She
/ had been to an art school somewhere,
and she was always talking about per-
Spective~ and chiara son! ething or other:
she believed that she had a future as a
painter, and when people talked to her
about marrying some nice fat gentleman,
she would say that she was welded to
her art, and she held that a husband was
a superiority and an incumbrance to any
soulful woman who desired to get there
with both feet. Nothing made, her so
tired as to see her girl friends adopting
husbands; and she had a great deal Of
contempt for her sister, who married
shortly after she left school. This sister
was nice little woman who didn't know
art from a threshing machine and who
; never yearned. She married a good husky
) young man who thought the world OF
her, and the only cloud upon her married
, life was caused by the contempt and in
dignation of her sister, who was en-
gagged in chasing art to it's lair. Well
finally the art sister caught bad colo
= one night when she sat out in the dew
: trying to paint the picture of the moor
r as it rose over graveyard: and the frs
thing she knew she had rheumatism anC
b influenza and sundry other diseases Then
ali then, as she lay in her dreary room
all doubled up with pain and with hired
nurse to pass the dope, she realized tina
a husband would be a very smooth prOpO
v sition. And it vas then that the married
a sister came and gathered up the stricken
= Juno and carried her off to a kingdom b,
t the sea and nursed her gently; and tn
t married sisters husband was so good AM
so kind that Juno fairly wept Because sh
: hadn't one like him. At last she got we'll
I and she still lives with her married sis
ter, and she has quit talking about art
and she is quietly looking around for
r good substantial husband, and she'll ge
4 one before long. for the woman who earn
. estly and diligently endeavors to get mar
n ried is pretty sure to arrive
= While reading the exchanges the Othe
day in the perfunctory manner that a.
+ exchange editors study to avoid but Whic
p they almost invariably fall into after hav
4 ing read about eight million papers. at
a | tention was attracted for a moment by
# slight ripple of dogfight on the car
: waters of Fourth street in front of tn
r office. 1t came to nothing but served t
recall again a charming canine argumen
l. many, many years ago.
q You know how everybody goes to tn
- postoffice in a small town when the trai
comes in. There's nothing else doins
n Well we were all there one day, mel
l. women, dogs and kids. and cat or ivy,
- waiting for the letters that we ionged fc
n but which rarely ever came. When, sue
a denly, in the twinkling of an eye, tt
n postoffice lobby effloresced and bloome
- forth into the most gorgeous and sou
n satisfying dogfight that it had ever bee
ID the joy of my jaded and world-weary sol
If to witness 1t was water in the deser
nj The women fed for shelter and unvel
4. sal grin of joy swept over the masculir
II visage, while we 'boys-well. it was t.
nt good to- believe! We were wrapped in
a. trance of still delight The air was fl
"a of flashing teeth, flying hair and entaHgle
"a dog profanity.
ar I do not recall which dog won or hoy
an or why. Both dogs are gone long sine
ht but sometimes. when all is quiet in Il
still watches of the night, and when on
IN the ticking of the clock is heard or Il
be still breathing of the sleepers, on the tai
ne let of consciousness, that postoffice aga
er iotus -io"els oul my no %ohui o -,
u Soul s1'l9iS ms uoShS',N oAio f>,ioT -
III I have not lived in vain.. "A. J. R..
of BRYAN HAD TWO ATTACKS