St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1904-01-20

Of course you're in no position yet to
think of being engaged even, and that's
why I'm little afraid that you may
be planning to get married. But a
twelve dollar clerk who owes $52 for
roses needs a keeper more than wife.
I want to say right here that there al
ways comes a time to the fellow who
blows $52 at a lick on roses when he
thinks how many staple groceries he
could have bought with the money
After ALL there's no fool like a young
fool because in the nature of things
he's got long time to live
I suppose I'm tanning the air when L
ask you to be guided by my judgment
in this matter, because while young
fellow will consult his father about
buying a horse he's cocksure of him
self when it comes to picking wife.
Marriages may be made in heaven, but
most engagements are made in the
back parlor, with the gas so low that
fellow doesn't really get square look
at what he's talking. While man
doesn't see much of girls family
when he's counting he's apt to see a
good deal Of it when he's housekeep-
ing, and while he doesn't marry his
wife's father there's nothing in the
marriage vow to prevent the old man
from borrowing money from him, and
you can bet if he's old Job Dashkam
he'll do it. A man can't pick his own
mother, but he can pick his sons moth
err and when he chooses a father-in-
law who plays the bucketshops he
needn't be surprised if his own son
plays the races.
Never marry poor girl who's been
raised like rich one. She's simply
traded the virtues of the poor for the
vices of the rich without going long
on their good points. To marry for
money or to marry without money is
crime. There's no real objection to
marrying a woman with a fortune, but
there is to marrying fortune with
woman.
While you are at it, there's nothing
like picking out a good looking wife,
because even the handsomest woman
looks homely sometimes, and so you
get little variety. But homely one
can only look worse than usual. Beau
ty is only skin deep, but that's deep
enough to satisfy any reasonable man.
any sense out of a proverb I usually
find that I have to turn it wrong side
out) Then, too, if a fellows bound
to marry fool, and lot of men have
to if they're going to hitch up into a
well matched team, there's nothing
like picking a good looking one.
I believe in short engagements and
long marriages. 1 don't see any sense
in a fellows sitting around on the
mourners bench with the sinners
after he's really got religion. The
time to size up the other sides
strength is before the engagement.
Some fellows propose to a girl be-
fore they know whether her front and
her back hair match and then boiler
that they're stuck when they find that
she's got cork leg and glass eye
as WELL
They start out on the principle that
married people have only one meal a
day and that Of fried oysters and tutu
frutti ice cream after the theater. Nat
uraIly girls got her better nature
and her best complexion along under
those circumstances. But the really
valuable thing to know is how she ap-
proaches ham and eggs at O'Clock
a. m. and whether she brings her COM
plexion with her to the breakfast ta-
BILE. And these fellows make girl be-
lieve that they're going to spend all
the time between 8 and Ii O'Clock
p. m. for the rest of their lives holding
40 pounds, live weight, in their lap
and saying that it feels like feather
The thing to find out is whether, when
one of them gets up to holding a ten
pound baby In his arms for five min
utes, he's going to carry on as If it
weighed ton.