Valentine Democrat. (Valentine, Neb.) 1900-1930, 1904-07-21
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In case of doubt, take your umbrel-
la. In cas- Of doubt as to the owner
ship of the umbrella. take it anyway.
Kansas City Journal.
The actress with the flag painted on
her back beats the Constitution in go
ing ahead of it, not following it
New York Mail and Express.
Mr.. Rockefeller is gathering the gold
mines in the United States. By and
by he will be able to say Of the repub-
lie, ut IS all Miner'-Mexican Herald.
In Australia CRATER means a doer
of hard and faithful work. Now We
understand why they call that u
try the antipodes.-Boston Globe.
The reason a man marries his
sweetheart is because she is not like
other girls. The reason he divorces
her is because she is.-Illinois State
Journal.
One Of those large volumes Of
treaties of no further use or validity
might be used to keep the open door,
from being slammed shut-Boston
Transcript.
Speaking of the idiosyncracies of the
English speech, is there a better exam
pie than the fact that when you best
a man you worst him Seattle Post
lntelligencer.
There is a restaurant at the st.
Louis exposition where f~orty-eight Ian
2uageS are spoken. But money does
the talking that is listened to.-Kansas
City Journal.
An enthusiastic Washington aero
naut declares the ''airship will not
down. We were under the impress
sion that was all it would do.-Ds-
troit Free Press.
A Western maj committed suicide
this week because he could not guide
his automobile. Most men guiding au-
tomobiIes prefer to commit homicide.
Atlanta Journal.
"Cortelyou is a good, clean man, but
he is no chicken" says the Boston
Herald. Shall we infer that good.
clean men usually are poultry
Kansas City Journal.
Taking an interest in the solution
of problems of political economy" is
likely to become historical as a
%euphemism for banging the trusts"
Boston Transcript.
The agricultural papers are gloating
over the discovery of a stingless bee.
But that's nothing. Stingless bees are
common-to every campaign year
Los Angeles Daily Times.
Sir Thomas Upton is charged with
using American hogs for the manufac-
ture of his Irish bacon" Just insists
upon giving his customers better than
they ask.-WashingtOn Post.
The Academy Of Medicine at Paris
has decided that excessive meat eating
causes appendicitis. 1t does more. 1t
causes emaciation of the pocketbook
and MISUNDERSTANDING Bee.
The success Of former Minister
Wu's son in carrying off all the honors
in school gives a hint. perhaps, why
we bar the Chinese immigrants SO
strictly.-Philadelphia Ledger.
A. 1. Mudd has just been promoted
to a chief clerkship in the Depart
ment of Agriculture at Washington,
again demonstrating the eternal fitness
of things.-Detroit Free Press.
The New York man who found a
diamond in his "~soft-bOiled" break
fast the other morning is one Of the
few who have no reason to complain
of the price of eggs.-Toledo Blade.
Rag time has found its proper
place. 1t meets the approval Of Chi
nese musical taste, and another cause
Of apprehension has been added to
'the yellow periI."-Omaha Daily Bee.
Because q mar lighted a cigar with
q $40 bill in Kansas City a peace Off
GER promptly arrested him upon a
charge of burglary. Wise guys, the
police, in that city.-Los Angeles Elk
press.
The newspaper correspondent who
was captured by the Russians at Port
Arthur is now furnishing a vivid de
scription of what he saw while he was
~blindfolded in a dungeon-Washing-
ton Post.
Mr.. J. Pierpont Morgan is reported
enjoying himself In London, and con
graduating himself on escaping the
vigilance Of the English newspaper
men. That's dead easy.-Los Angeles
Express.
And yet they say the wicked people
who bet on horse continue to get
prompt news from the race tracks, |
same as before the wires were cut.
This is a persistently wicked world
Boston Herald.
That renowned engine that drew the
Worlds Fair express SO many years
ago, and smashed the records in doing
it, now hauls an humble milk train.
To such base uses may even inanimate
things come at last-Cleveland Plain
Dealer.