Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1904-01-02
Mr.. J0BSON'S GOOSE

s7-
They're daylight burglars. that's what
they are!'' snorted Mr.. Jobson, throwing
down the evening paper on Wednesday
evening before Christmas. But know one
man they're not going to gouge"'
Mrs. Jobson very mildly asked him to
whom he referred
These sand-baggers and highwaymen
who deal in poultry excitedly replied Mr..
Jobson. Il see here in the paper that
they're intending to grab people by the
throat and force 'em to dig up twenty five
cents pound for their Christmas turkeys
the nerve of them!0 And a countryman with
whom 1 was talking the other day-friend
OF mine who lives over in Virginia-was
telling me that this has been the best
turkey year in his experience. They're
robbers. that's what they are!'
Mrs. Jobson went ahead with her needle
work, but after pause she ventured:
But l suppose we shall have to have a
turkey Tor Christmas. The Kaystreets are
going to take Christmas dinner with US.
you Know, and they are SO exceedingly fond
boarding. they are counting on a regular
turkey gormandizing.' as Mrs. Kaystreet-
poor thing, she always looks SO hungry
said 70 me only yesterday"
wen, were not going to have any
christmas turkey. all the same" declared
MI Jobson, In his most determined it sail
OH tone. I'm sorry for the Kaystreets If
they don't get enough to eat, but can't
ne!p that. I'm not going to be gouged. I'm
not stngy, but it's matter of principle
with me. l wouldn't pay any twenty-five
cents pound for a turkey that had been
raised on Ju5ube paste and mashmallows.
ana tnat all there Is about 1t. If the peo
pie OF washington want to permit them
selves to be swindled that way. let 'em.
But won't stand for any such imposition.
Id have no respect for myself the re-
7 Of hot toll
robper grind twenty-five cents a pound for
turkey out of me-
Mrs. Jobson didn't make any reply for a
time. She knows the necessity of fire.
quently permitting Mr.. Jobson to simmer
down and cool out, SO to speak. But after
a pause of what seemed the proper length
to her, she said:
Still, we've got to have some sort Of
fowl for Christmas dinner, l suppose have
we not? 1t would scarcely seem like
Christmas without the aroma of sage in
the house. do you think? And 1 under
stand that chickens and ducks cost almost
as much as turkeys now, and they're not
half so good, are they?"
1T doesn't make any difference how
good they are" said Mr.. Jobson. firmly,
I'm not going to be bullied into paying
whatever these hold-up market people de-
mand of me, either for turkey, chicken or
duck Say, look a-here. 1t says here that
prime geese are selling at only Is cents
pound. Now, that sounds reasonable
What's the matter with having a goose for
Christmas dinner? Goose is mighty fine
food, and l don't believe we've ever had
one on our table, have we?"
NO" replied Mrs. Jobson looking a bit
worried
We'll. that's settled" said Mr.. Jobson
well have goose. l know lot Of cpl
cures who claim that turkey isn't in it
with goose. Remember reading how crazy
the late Sam Ward. the famous Washing
ton gastronome. was over goose? He said
always that goose was the daintiest deli
cacy known to man, and it embitt tered his
life to observe how sadly the goose was
mlSrepresented and unappreciated by the
world in general Member"
Mr.. Jobson slung, the basket over his arm
after dinner on Christmas eve, and an hour
or SO later he returned triumphant with
bird that struck Mrs Jobson as being of
about the general proportions of a giant
condor of the Andes.
walt tilfp you get your teeth in that
fellow. that's ALL enthusiastically exclaim-
ed Mr.. Jobson, dragging the mastadonic
bird out of the basket and depositing it,
somewhat breathlessly, on the kitchen table.
HOW 5 that for bird what is bird?
Makes a silly. highfalutin' turkey look
foolish, doesn't he? Beauty of it is 1 only
paid thirteen cents pound for that bully
looking chap He was the last one the
market fellow had.t and in consideration of
that, thirteen pound was all he charged
me-"
Mrs. Jobson felt around the mammoth
birds breastone and under his WINGS. but
Il
dent in him with her fingers. But she
didn t say anything.
She fixed the dressing and put the goose in
the oven right after breakfast on Christmas
morning. After four hours of roasting the
best that she could do was to drive a fork
about a quarter of an inch into the breast
of the goose. Dinner was to be at o'clock
and half an hour before that time the KAY
streets arrived, declaring themselves to be
raYenouS.
Speaking for myself" declared Kay
street. the things that I'll do to that turkey
of yours, Jobson, Will be a sin and a
shame"
Mr.. Jobson came out with it and told the
Kaystreets that 1t was a goose. and ex-
planned his stand upon the outrageous
chapfallen. So did Mrs. Kaystreet. In
fact, Mr.. Jobson caught them exchanging
disappointed glances.
Just wait till you get your molars on
reassuringly. Il picked him out myself.
and II he doesn't give you new line on
good things In the way of barnyard fowls
well. It'll be up to me. that's all"
Mrs. JObSOn came up from the kitchen,
looking fustered. at o'clock, and said
that the goose would have to roast little
while longer. and that dinner would be at
O'Clock. instead Of at 2. AT 2:3O Mr.. Jobson
went down and took a look at the goose
himself. The goose had sort of surface
BROWNIES, and Mr.. Jobson declared that
the goose was done to a turn. The dinner
was served, anu MI JODSOn, with a VIC
toriouS expression, started to carve the
goose.
He might as we'll have tried to carve one
of those property fowls used in stage pro-
auctions. For ten minutes he gouged and
| sawed and chopped. but the goose seemed
to be made of rubber. Mr.. Jobson grew
damp and red with his exertions, but the
best he could do was to slice enough of the
goOse's cuticule off to give each a small
portion. Underneath the skin the goose
was hard 80 an automobile tire The
dinner made off of the dressing and
gravy, with the vegetables. The Kay
streets made valiant effort to look cheer
full, but Mr.. Jobson saw through their as
| sumed joyousnesS When they had depart
ed Mr. Jobson turned to Mrs. Jobson and
said in the tone of a deeply abused man:
II hope you're satisfied. You sent those
unfortunate Kaystreets away from my
house hungry, and the story'll be all over
town by tomorrow morning. 1 can stand
a good deal, Mrs. Jobson. But when the
woman have cherished and cared for will
deliberately substitute, to crafty a petty
feeling of spitefulness, a 114-year-old buzz
gard in place If the youthful and tender
fowl 1 have purchased for the Christmas
dinner, and give the bird I bought away
to the ashman so as to get it out of my
sight, then, madam, / revolt, and l revolt
hard and none of the influences of the holt
day ra going IN in,