Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1904-08-19
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gagged eleven times! Patrice-I hate t.
see girl get in a rut like that!
Yonkers Statesman.
Madge-Don't you think a CIR
should marry an economical man.
Dolly suppose SO. but it's just awfu
being engaged to one.-New York Sun
Mrs. Witherby (at breakfast)-Ars
you well? Witherby-Yes. Why? Mrs
Witherby-You look changed. 1 sup
pose I notice it more than those whe
are with you nstantly.-Harper's Ba
Zar.
Mamma see that you give
Ethel the lions share Of that orange
Johnny-Yes, ma. Ethel-Mamma, he
hasn't given me any. Johnny-Well
that's all right. Lions don't eat or
anges.
An old lady being in a store in a
Connecticut town. sat down and ex
tended her feet to an iron safe, re.
marking that she was SO glad that ''the
alright stoves had come into fashion
again."
Paying Teller-What is your name
any way? Indignant Presenter OF
Check-Don't you see my signature
Paying Teller-Yes. That's what
aroused my curiosity. - Baltimore
American.
A man who wished to take proceed
ings against a creditor in a distant
town sent a letter addressed: ITO any
respecta BILE lawyer in A. The
postoffice returned the letter marked
Not known"
"Bobby, your father wants to see
you" The boy looked dubious. "Do
I want to see him?'' he asked. "How
should 1 know?" "You ought to be
able to tell by the look in his eye."-
Chicago Post.
"Woodby declares his grandfather
descended from one of the greatest
houses in England" "Ah, yes. 1 did
hear a story about the old man falling
off roof he was repairing once for
Lord Somebody or other."- ."-Philadel-
phia Press.
Miss Softly (who has been attending
course Of lectures)-Oh, professor,
saw such a funny old fossil in the mu-
scum to-day. 1 thought of you at once
Professor Pliocene, the eminent geolo-
gist, does not know whether to feel
fattered or not.
Willie-Pa, what's a "suburbanite,"
or Do ;to
is queer creature who joyfully sows
grass seed in the spring so that he
may exercise his lawn mower and his
profane vocabulary in the summer
Philadelphia Press.
Mrs. McShantee (triumphantly)-I
see ye are takin' in washin' again,
Mrs. McProudee! Mrs McProudee
(whose husband has lost a paying Job
Sure it's only to amuse th' childer
They wants tn windies covered wild
steam so they can make pictures on
them.
A mother recently brought her little
boy to school for his first time, and
she said to the teacher: 'This little
boy is very delicate, as he is afther
a fit of harmonya on the loongs but if
he does anything bould-and I know
he will-bate the wan next to him an
twill frighten him."
Are you the defendant?" asked a
man in a Mississippi court room, speak
ing to an old negro. mo, boss" was
the reply; II amt done nothing to be
called names like that. Use got law
yer here who does the defensing"
Then, who are you" Use the gen.
tleman wat stole the chickens
"What's the matter?" asked the law
yers friend. Been in railway acci-
1ent?" "No. I had a jury case the
other day, and in arguing it l bore
strongly upon the theory that my eli
mt was fool rather than criminal"
'Yes?" Il did it so we'll that he was
acquitted and met me outside"
In this era Of estimated fortunes
md profits, it is not surprising that
boasts are made about rapidly acquir
ID gains. I was talking with a man
,ne day about investments, when he
exclaimed: Il made seventy eight thou
sand dollars last week, and the best of
t was that tlhrty-eight dollars of the |
whole amount was spot cash."
Uncle Eph'm had put on a clean col
ar and his best coat, and was walking
up and down the street. |
Aren't you working to-day, uncle?'
lsked one of his Caucasian acquaint-
lnces. mo, sub. Use celebratin' my
,olden weddin', suh." ''You were mar
led fifty years ago to-day?" "Yes.
uh.' 'Well, why isn't your wife help
ng you to celebrate it?" my present |
wife, suh,'' replied Uncle Eph'm, with
lignity, "ain't got nothin' to do with
t. She's de 'leventh. .'-Chicag go Trib-
Inc.