The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1904-10-06
THE NoNPAREIL MAN

The Art Of Profanity and Its Cure, as
Brought Out by DR.. G. L. MorrIII's
AntI-swearIna crusade-What Man
Should Say In Dark Room When the
RockIngchair canters Up and Kicks
Him on the Les-Suegestions.
Dr. Morrills anti-swearing crusade
story was sent out by some indefatigable
press agent and the doctor Is now receiv-
ing mail from all over the country, ap-
proving or disappearing Of his attempt to
check the rampant tide of blasphemy that
GIBBS and flows wherever the American
male pounds his thumb or runs up
against circumstances that seem to call
Tor something higher and more perfervid
than "Oh fudge" or Goodness gracious"
Profane swearers are divided into two
classes, the man who just sWears from
hab1t or pleasure and the man who pounds
his thumb or sits on thumb tack. There
is absolutely no excuse for the former
The habit is as disgusting as it is COM
mon. But where man with an asbestos
glove hands out his friend a hot quarter
and the other fellow takes it smilingly
his reactlonary jump and swear word
seem to be jerked out of him by circum-
stances over which he seems to have no
control.
DuI IS ILLS sufficient excuse! IL q man
sWears under tension is it not an indica-
ton that there is a stream of profanity
under the surface which only needs suf-
ficlent provocation to he suddenly and
surprisingly externalized. If man steps
on a banana peel and wrenches and twists
the very joints and sinews of his being
| and swears involuntarily is it not a
warning to him that his subconsciousness
needs treatment?
Swear not at ALL has been laid down
as rule and the apostle doubtless had
reference as much to the man who pounds
his thumb as to the man who just swears
as another man repeats poetry, because
he likes to hear the sound Of it. Fathers
are accustomed to check their boys when
| they curse, but what can the boy think
| When father knocks his knee against the
| small hot rockingham and explodes like
toy pistol? If you think in explosives.
| sooner or later you are going to say them,
no matter II your wife's sister or your
maiden aunt is at your very elbow.
| What should a man say when the
rockingchair gets him on the leg?" you
may ask.
He should say nothing, or, perhaps:'
| WELL this is certainly an unfortunate
circumstance; or, again, Never touched
me-
Kicking the chair is profanity.
| You will find men who will claim that
In the matter of profanity they are as
helpless as a common man in the presence
of beautiful 500, 900 widow But it's
not true. They can stop If they wish to-
The real fine art comes in the wishing to-
Here's where you have got to do your
work.
Mrs. James Brown Potter is said to
have an "emotional gown" James Brown
Potter felt the emotion when he settled,
| David Bennett Hills friends deny his
engagement to May Irwin, the beauteous
actress. David B. is such a chilly propo-
sition that he would pay no particular at
tent1on if May Irwin stood around aid
| purred.
| And now Joseph Jefferson has retired.
| Joseph and Grover are two of the finest
| old bucks in the public eye and everybody
hopes that there is twenty years Of fish
| ing in them yet.
| An eastern dealer put iron in his life
preservers. Some foolish people put in
water.
The Fargo Forum quotes two dear girls
thus:
Ibid you go to the football game this
afternoon?'
mo, couldn't. Did you?"
"Oh. yes; I'm so interested in the game.
have cousin, you know, who plays
on the Fargo college team
| "Oh, have you? What does he play?''
| WELL just forgot now whether he's
| touchdown or punt. But he does look Sc
fine. in his new uniform.''-
And then the old sport, who had acct
dentally overheard took to the woods.
A story came in the other day from
LIE Sueur, but the telegrapher got his
lightning tangled and the date line read
LII Sure, so we will let it go at that. It
told of a certain Dr. Van Sweat who was
out last week for nine hours in a storm
Of bitter cold, wind driven rain When
he returned he was very tired, but 81
thoroly chilled that he thought it would
be. wise to take a warm bath before re-
| firing. Having filed the tub with water
or about the usual temperature he Law
down in It, but instead of shutting off the
water, he allowed the not water faucet
to remain open, with the intention of in
| creas1ng the temperat ure Of the bath as
ne became gradually accustomed to the
neat The genial warmth and the re-
Ginning position were favorable to repose
and the tired man dropped off to sleep
Inc hot water continued to run and
the temperature of the bath continued to
rise: sometimes snoring may be a bad
habit, but in this case it seems probable
that it saved a mans life. It seems that
the overflow pipe of DR.. Van Sweat's tub
was at such height that it allowed the
water to touch his lips. If he had kept
his mouth shut, it is very probable that
ne would have boiled to death. but for
| tunately he began to snore The scald-
ing water rushed into the open mouth
The mucous membrane not having an
opportunity to become accustomed to such
heat by gradual increase as the skin had
responded to the impression more strong
ly. The doctor sprang from the tub ir
time to save his life, but looking like a
boiled lobster. Parts Of his epidermis are
now wrapped in sweet oil and cotton.
! A. J. r.
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