Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1904-03-02
Tales of the Town.

Lancaster possesses a number of
bachelors and young men eligible
to marriage that are certainly leap
year bargains. The Herald will be
sent six months free to any old
maid who succeeds in landing any
of the fellows described below:
Will Jane-Will play open dates
at any time; would make contracts
with any girl from Is to so. Some
dizzy damsel of 90 summers who
possesses $4,000 and quick con-
sumption can get an audience with
! him.
Tom Blewett- Here's a peach,
sweet and juicy. Has been told so.
Bite him and see; he'll stand for it.
Next to his job he loves women.
His eyes are open. He is a sure
one if you only pop.
Joe Reidl -Ach, mein leiberl
Fair, fat and almost 40; jolly;
good dresser; full of fun; prize ell
in one package. No old maids need
apply. He's worth going after,
even if you lose.
Virgil Showalter-O get out! you
don't mean it, do you? An angel, girls,
sweet, soft and steady; has been tried
and stood the test; no flaws what
ever. Always open for engage
ments; has been spoken for several
times, but you must be foxy to
catch him. All the comforts of a
quiet home await the girl who has
the nerve to ask this gentleman.
Put your slippers under Yirgil's
bed and life will be worth living.
John Callis-Good locker; high
stopper, and does not interfere; goes
well single, and is one of the best
ever brought into the market. He
will go to the highest bidder this
spring.
w. E. Shimmin Slender but not
delicate; has plenty of gray matter
under his brain pan. No old hens
nor culls need wink. A young
| Christian lady with a good voice
can get him. He's an article on
the bargain counter.
Arno Alt Chunky blonde; not
one of the dashy kind illuminating
the streets on dark night; jolly and
good natured; can hold anyone of
200 on his lap and not mind it.
He's a sugar plum. Speak quick,
for he's going soon.
/ We are in receipt of the details
of the organization of the United
Order OF Bachelors over at Platte
vile, and while we cannot approve
of the purpose Of societies of this
sort, we are compelled to con
graduate the young women of that
beautiful city on the prospect of a
few moments rest from the
persistent and significant attentions
OF the young men, The prospectus
says:
The membership of the club &C.
cording to the bylaws as divulged by
one OF the charter members is re-
stricted to white, male and unmarried
men, and the object of the organization
to mutually aid each other to resist
the charms and wiles of the fair sex.
The high mogul of the club, the one
| w inf VI ch ot hA ff,
weakened from succumbing to the
aforesaid wiles, is known as the
worshipfol bachelor. The others
include, the prime councillor and
chaplain, the custodian of the stocks,
bonds and greenbacks,a and the marshall
and sentinel.
The ritual of the order contains
the following, Bachelors Psalm"
/ and is used as a chant:
| Lives of 'henpecked men remind us
| Who have not as yet been caught
| That we might eava sons behind US,
But we rather guess we'll not:
| She that's trim may be fat one.
| She that's sweet, some day, be grim,
! When by merely looking at one
She will quech the soul in him.
Let us. then, go billing, cooing;
Let us Call them sweet and fair;
1t is lovely to be wOOing.
| But you'd better stop right there.
But we can look far enough into
the future to see a lot of deserted
Platteville bachelors skating around
through the neighboring townships
for wives when they come out of
their leap year trance and find the
choicest Platteville maidens gone.
Young men, you are on the wrong
track.