Chicago eagle. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1889-19??, 1904-08-13

Love not only laughs Mt locksmiths.
but giggles at any old thing.
II is time TO down brakes" OH the
long train of railroad horrors.
| ~HA
Lots Of men make money without
advertising. They are employed in the
mint.
~e
"A man who expects nothing but ad-
vice from his relatives Is seldom disap.
pointed.
~SA
More worry Is caused by the money
people have than by the money they
haven't.
A girl would rather go hungry than
miss an opportunity to have her for
tune told.
~SA
The currency would have no diff.
Guilty in persuading advertisers of its
circulation.
| ~eA
Englishmcn object to the telephone.
Maybe they haven't the right sort Of
hello girls.
The rule of the road Is to get on,
OF the way of the automobile as quick.
ly as you can.
Many man who inquiries after your
health doesn't care rap whether it is
good, bad or Indifferent.
~elA
Isn't It about time for the higher
criticism to declare that 1t was not a
whale that swallowed Jonah, but a
loan shark?
| Rev. DR.. Newell Dwight Hills asks
II there are any really great men in
the country. Simply thousands of US!
We confess II.
L
The l.. Y. Letter estate of many mil
lions has been left in trust--that II
one form Of octopus that no one will
want to smash.
~S
. 1t Is just as easy to praise a neigh
Dor as 1t is to find fault with him
but people seem to derive less salts
faction from 1t.
The Inflated steamer General Slo
cum had an unlicensed first mate-per
haps the other officers had permits I,
take human life.
~EA
Ihere Is restaurant at the st
Louis Exposition where Is language.
are spoken. But money does the talk
Ing that Is listened to.
~HA
Inere IL no truth In the report thu
Hannah Elias is going on the stage
She mas had plenty of offers, but sh,
doesn't need the money.
An enthusiastic Washington aero
naut declares the "air ship will no,
down." We were under the impress
that was all 1t would do.
II the millennium Is postponed unit
a mother admits that her own children
; are ill.behaved and those next door ar,
cherubs 1t will never arrive.
~6
Mrs. Hannah Elias deeply regrets
that she is u negress, but seems to b.
unconcerned about the things she
ought to regret most keenly.
Mr.. Rockefeller strangely overlook
the gllttering possibilities involved II
the purchase OF the cOuntry's stock o
professional baseball clubs.
II Carnegie really wishes to di,
poor, let him invest his money In So.
10000 battleships and $500 worth Of
gun cotton for mining purposes.
Isn't 1t about time that the matri
mOnial shows Of the ultra.rich wer,
presented In the cheap vaudevili,
houses instead of In the churches?
~6
So long as men struggle for bettel
prices for what they have to SELL sc
long will there be struggle for loweI
prices on what men have to buy.
~&
Car Nicholas has begun to find In
fernal machines under his bed. There's
boy who doesn't need a microscope
when he goes hunting for trouble.
&6A
The Oklahoma man who spanked hi
mother-in-law u few days ago Is prob
ably wondering why nobody has sug
gested public testimonial for him.
~
Just about the time the boil wcevi
gets up good appetite for the cottor
plant along comes the red ant ant
finds that the boil weevil Is good eat
ing.
&eA
Belgium Is probably the most demo