The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1904-10-14
THE NONI ONT MAN

THE NONPAREIL MAN
The Genius Oh the.sFIy and the High
Order OF Intelligence Shown by Him In
His Efforts to Step ON the Baidheaded
Mans 6roW-comparIson Of the lnteII-
gence Shown by a Fly and that Shown
by a Horse. .
&. 1 -. a..
Some naturalistsic claim that the fly does
not think. # this Is so, the little pest
puts up a remarkable counterfeit. A fly
Will hang around the, back door for hours
and perch on the jarnb, waiting for some
body to open the door. Then he lodges
In quicker than aacat. He will hurry to
step In the butter nd-slump thru in
way that certainly indicates at least i'm
mature thought of high order. The
genius the last fly shows in picking out
the baldheaded man from family OF
| ten shows almost human intelligence, AS
between the: fly and the horse for an ADJ
vanced thinker, we hack the flyseyery
time. 4 All IGndow the horse with wings and
an equal rapidty Of flight with the fly
and what would YOU see? The horseaf1y
would soon get frightened and crazy and
go lying into trees and houses In a wild
and excitable manner. While the fly In
the presence of the baldheaded man never
4 for a moment loses his presence of mind.
4 He lodges, counters. comes back! again
and manages fraIy to wipe his feet on
| the baldheaded mans brow, in spite of all
/ the latter canXdo.% Would the horse have
astuteness enough to do this? Not in Il
/ lifetime, He would lose his head and dash
thru the window taking sash and all,
i the first time the baldheaded man made a
pass at him with his napkin.
Sc 49, IT.
/ whence. that horses do not have the
same sets of ideas that flies do. Think
for moment how unpleasant 1t would
i be to have six or eight horses perched on
1.-The diningroom ceiling. waiting for. tho
! dinner to be set on the table, SO that they
could fly down and step in the butter or
walk on the pie. Think Of the catastro-
phe occasioned by horse getting into the
cream pitcher or losing himself in the
syrup. A new Alice in Wonderland might
be written. with Alice in a country wherc
all the flies We're winged horses. Terrible!
Think of a horse perched up on the elk
of a picture frame all winter, coming out
in the spring as lively as a cricket and as
fresh as lark. No, plainly the horse S
Intelligence alls far short Of that shown
by that monument Of perseverance and
tenacity of purpose, the domestic fly. II
we had to choose between having the
Ecomp anionship of horse Or fly give
love for flies, either.
Farmer Ben of the old reliable Austin
; Transcript is. ,scandalized because the
four bridesmaids at the wedding Of Lady
Somebody In London were barefooted. OLD
Ben says: %~s7S'~ ID. - .'.'' 80 t,
1.-The news was cabled all over the civ
ilized world that the aforesaid bridesmaids
went barefooted traipsin' UP the aisle oil
the meetin'h house, with just sandals or
and the liar; who wrote it up salaciously
asserts that their naked, shapely feet at
tracted pardonable admiration at the
church. It looks like the bride and he,
gown and veil'swan't in itnwith the brides
maids feet I wouldn't haV such distrac
tin featurs at MY weddin' Just think o.
haNin's all, the. attention taken off the
= brides costume and the groom's embar.
rassment by lot of barefooted girls, ant
q everybody tryin' and cranin' to get {
-! peek at their pedal appendages. 1t dom
! look righteous. Folks ought to be com
!! PEELED to put! on stoclkin's when they e.
! to Weddin' and Inspector ought t,
; keep out all ifitruders that dare to tf,
to get in otherwise. No matter whethe
they label the innovation early Victorian
! tally from all well-regulatcd functions
| You'll never catch our sal Sarah cut il
sassiety without socks on >'
;, And yet in, q few weeks YOU are likel,
to hear Farmer Ben cussing our artificial
ity ndSloudly advocating. "a return to ma
Q tur'.'' ! sS@s. aGlsJ 1@45 a.; II. "a : -
i Didgyod eyer have the pleasure of parti
cipating in 4 good, old-fashioned churcl
= row in which the deacon's wife and tn
Sunday school ~ superintendent do no
= speak when they meet? A Nebraska poet
. Il: H. Robbins; has written Of one of thes
= affairs:
q What started the row? Well, fcrgit
I But I'LL of sudden the church split. '
: The deacons were callin' the pastor names
2 The pastor preachin' birthstone flames,
. III; The Kids Of the Sunday school stayed away.
g The congregation forgot to pray.
n The sexton loafed an, the orgnnist quit
n What started the row? Well, fergit
Il z And then it goes from one stage O
). A5hard feeling to another, until the las
j. star1za, where the poet says:
9 But now the trouble is done an past
d An the folks wcrshpin' God at last.
f You see, hurricane swept the town.
q The lightnin' struck an the church burned down
:. An that's what ended the turrible split
: Tho just what started 1T I fergt.
Usually little thing like that does no
end the trouble worse luck, or it woul
be wise thing for the quarreling f1ocl
: to have its church burned. Whateve
:! you do, don't quarrel.
n During a Baptist celebration in thi
4 city some ten or fifteen years ago, Rev
+ G. l.. Morrill, was prominent figure. Fo
Il fifteen or twenty minutes before each ses
a sion Mr. Morrill, annoyed the large organ
1 AS he was quite strong at that time, tn
= steeple of the church was frequentl
shaken, and when the whole bunch Q
stops was pulled wide open and the too
4 tleloorum thrown on, the church was file
2 with that thunderous sound that som
! people have vaguely referred to as music
n After one of these exhibitions Mi Nor
n rill descended to the body Of the churc
q and took his seat in pew on the RICH
$ of the sacred edfice, a pew already occ,l
6 pied by a near-sighted doctor of divinit
$ from some eastern theological school.
Y How did YOU enjoy that organ pre-
1ude?" asked Mr.. Morrill,, socially.
The stranger did not recognize his in
b terlocutor as the erganist Of q momell
h l-before and replied accordingly: 90 ...
q Mere disturbance Of the atmosphere i
= not necessarily music, .~ "A. j. r.
: HASTY LEGISLATION .
La = Q