The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1904-03-31
UNCLE REUBEN'S TALKS.
ghe Man Who Whittles Seldom
Makes a Mistake


Makes q Mistake.
Now. young man, hevin' got a good
alge on my knife and got hold of a
piece of Michigan pine. 1 want to do
some taikin and Within, and before
l git through mebbe 1 shall hev given
you a pinter or two worth heedin'.
you've grown UP to be about TWEEN
ty-tWo years old. How on airth you
aid It you can't MAKE out, and you
sometimes wonder why the world
didn't stand still or bust up. You've
got through with the sweil-head, calf
love and Smart Alex epochs, though
you came mighty nigh dyin' of your
smartness three or four times, and
now you're courtin a gal and thinkin'
OF matrimony.
You are struck on ner face and fg-
ger. You like the way she nips along,
and you sit UP nights to think Of her
haSr ayd eyes and teeth. You've about
ssnade s.E your mind that she's the, r,1Iy
: thing on airth for Oh, and that if she
zen down the cellar stairs and broke
her neck your future would be one
long. black mid tight.
Let's ~hittle, my son-let's whittle
and talk it over a leetle. I was once
y ss1st SIGH a state o. mind as you are
She had golden hair and peachy cheeks
and teeth as white as new Eastwood
1 hadn't learnt to whittle then, and so
/ couldn't see further than my nose. I
loved and cOurted and sighed and lost
my appetite for corned beef and the
darlin' of my heart finally took pity on
me and married me. 1t would hev bin
Jest about as well if 1 had hired some
one to hit me on the head with a maui
We fit and tangled and Quarreled for
a year and then separated.
rake your case. Kin the gal sew
and wash and bake and darn? Kin she
turn blue dress skirt top to bottom
and dye it black? Kin she darn the
heels in your socks so they won't rub?
Does she know whether coffee orter be
billed fifteen minutes or not at all? Kin
she make a bed, compound a puddin
or broil a beeksteak? You amt sayin'
nuthin', but thinkin' to yourself that
she'll never hev these things 10 do
oecaub2 you are earnin' $50 or SIS
week.
DOM be too sartin, young man. We
bob up and we bob down in this world
] started life with $4,000 in cash be-
hind me, and 1 wouldn't look at any
thin poorer than Wilton carpets but
IN less n two years a patent church
man mad all my money and rag carpets
was good huff for me. You kin climb
right up the ladder till you kin draw
a check as big as barn door, and hev
"a dozen servants to help you breathe
but agin, you make take a slide down
the roof and bring up with SIGH a jar
that the old clothes sent on bv YOUR
relatives will look like new.
And what do you really know of the
gal anyway? You've diskivered that
she wears a No. 6 glove and G No 2
shoe. and that she kin sing and play
- pianer. Mebbe she kin git off a
ench word or two now and then
bob about so cutely that you Won
she didn't take to the stage and
come a great actress. She's got to
Hin you Dick by this time and she
Yspeaks the same with SIGH a cute leetle
lisp that you want to buy her a dia-
Alnond ring every time she does it.
That's all you know about her, and
hasn't struck you that you orter
ow any more. That's bekase you
~ gent sot down and whitfield and got
thinkin' masheen to work If you
you'd hev wondered what effect a
lack would hev on her disposition.
hev tried to fgger out Tow she
lid take to $3.50 shoes and 81 hats.
I'D hev pictured her gittin break
some mornin' with the kid a
lin and you scrapin around for
Il.
hain't struck you, my son, that
idol of your heart has got opin-
Ms and likes and dislikes Of her own,
that she's goin' to show 'eln out
ain before she's married three
1nths. You'll find it so, however,
d you may hev to knuckle under or
d a row on your hands. She'd give
to you now, same as you would to
r, if you said black was white but
es got her gun loaded for bar and
Mt you fo-git it. You heven't OBJ
rved the slightest hint of temper
out her. and sometimes you've bin
leetle disappointed that she didn't
SIS back, but your time is comm and
ere's surprise party on the way.
mere never was any doubt in my
nd that Natur' meant for the hus-
nd to boss the roost. but there is a