The National tribune., 1904-07-28

tangled flags of the great conflict to the
hall of their oratory. and cOmlnemoration.
While the irregular and hating line was
passing l made onslaught upon it and
dragged forth from the ranks my friend
| Barnard Okeefe. who had no right to be
| there. For lie was Northerner born and
bred: and what should he be doing hal
lOoing for the Stars and Bars among those
gray and moribund veterans! And why
should he be trudging. with his shining.
martial. humorous. broad face. among
| those warriors Of q previous and alien gen
Grafton!
/ say dragged him forth and held him
till the last hickory leg and waving goatee
| had stumbled past. And then | hustled
| him out of the crowd into Il cool interior;
| for the Gate City was stirred that day.
and the hand-organs wisely eliminated
''Marchng Through Georgia. from their
repertories.
Now. what devitry are you up TOP
asked of O'Keefe when there were table
and things in glasses between us.
| O'Keefe wiped his heated face and in
| stigated n. commotion among the floating
ice in his glass before he chose to answer.
| Il am assisting at the wake" said he.
''Of the only nation on earth that ever did
me good turn AS one gentleman to an
other, | am ratifying and celebratin the
foreign policy of the late Jefferson Davis,
as fine statesman as ever settled the
financial question of a country. Equal
ratio-tliat was his platform-a barrel of
money for barrel of tiour-a pair of 500
bills for pair of boots-a hatful of cur
| rency for new hat-say, amt that sim
pie compared with w. J. BIS little old
oXidized plank
What talk is this?'' ! asked "Your
| financial DEPRESSION is merely subterfuge.
Why were you marching in the ranks Of
| the Confederate Veterans?'
| Because. my lad" answered O'Keefe.
1.-The Confederate Government in its might
and power interposed to protect and de-
fend Barnard O'Keefe against immediate
and dangerous assassination at the hands
of blood-thirsty foreign country after the
| United States of America had Overruled
his appeal for protection, and had in
structed Private Secretary Cortelyou to
reduce his estimate of the Republican ma
| jOrity for 1905 by one vote"
| Come, Barney" said /, "the Confed-
crate States of America has been out of
existence nearly 40 years. You do not look
older yourself. When was it that the de-
ceased Government exerted its foreign pol
| icy in your behalf"
-Four months ago." said O'Keefe
promptly. THE infamous foreign power
alluded to is still staggering from the Off
cial blow dealt it by Mr.. Davis's contra
band aggregation of States. That's why
yOil see ME cake-walking with the ex-rebs
to the iliegitimate tune about cinnamon
seeds and cotton. ] vote for the Great
Father in Washington. but am not going
back on Mars Jeff. You say the Confefl-
eracy has been dead 40 years?-well, if it
hadn't been for it, I'd have been breathing
to-day with soul so dead l couldn't have
whispered single crossword about my
native land. The O'Keefes are not over
burdened with ingratitude.' 81.
l must have looked bewildered. 1.-THE
war was over" / said vacantly, "in"-
O'Keefe laughed loudly, scattering my
! thoughts.
"Ask old Doc Millikin if the war is
over" he shouted, hugely diverted. ''Oh,
no! Doe hasn't surrendered yet. And the
| Confederate States.--well, l just told you
| they bucked officially and solidly and ma
| tionally against foreign Government four
months ago and kept me from being shot.
Old Jeffs country stepped in and brought
me off under it's wing while Roosevelt was
having gunboat reprinted and waiting for
| the National Campaign Committee to look
up whether l had ever scratched the
| ticket
Isn't there a story in this, Barney" /
NO" said O'Keefe: "but I'll give yo,,
| the facts. You know | went down to Pan
anna when this irritation about canal be-
gan. / thought I'd get in On the ground
| floor. ! did, and had to sleep on it, and
drink water with little ZOOS in il: so. of
course. / got the chagres fever. That was
in a little town called San Juan, on the
coast.
After / got the fever hard enough to
kill Port-auPrince niger, l had a re-
| lapse in the shape of Doc Millikn.
| ''There was doctor to attend a sick
man! If Doc Millikin had your case, he
| made the terrors Of death seem like an in
vitation to a donkey party. He had the
| bedside manners of Piute medicine-man
and the soothing presence of a dray loaded
with iron bridge Orders. When he laid
| his hand on your fevered brow you felt
like Capt. John Smith just before Poca-
hOntas went his bail.
| "Well this old medical outrage floated
down to my shack when | sent for him.
He was built like a shad, and his eye
brows was black, and his white whiskers
| trickled down from his chin like milk COM
ing out of sprinking-pot. He had a
nigger-boy along carrying an old tomato
can full of calomel, and a saw.
| doc felt my pulse, and then he began
| to mess up some calOmel with an agrcul-
tural implement that belonged in the
trowel class.
yet, Doc ! says, NOR my liver put in a
plaster Of Paris cast. I'm sick; and it's
medicine l need. not frescoing.'
| "'You're blame Yankee, amt your
asks Doc, going ON mixing up his Portland
cement.
"I'm from the North says I. but I'm
plain man. and don't care for mural dec
orations. When you get the Isthmus all
asphalted over with the boll-weevil pre-
scripton. would you mind giving me dose
of pain-killer, or little strychnine on
toast, to ease up this feeling of unhealth-
ness that have got?'
| They was all sassy, just like YOU
says old Doc; but we lowered their tenn
perature considerable. Yes, sir. 1 reckon
we sent good many of We over to old
mortuis nisi bonum. Look Mt Antietam
and Bull Run and Seven Pines and around
Nashville! There never was battle
where we didn't lick We unless you was 10
to our one. l knew you was blame Yam
kee the minute laid eyes on you
"'Dont reopen the ehasm, Doe I begs
him. ANY Yankeeness I may have is geo.
graphical; and, as far as am concerned, a
Southerner is as good as a Filipino any
day. I'm feeling too, bad to argue. Let's
have secession without misrepresentation n,
if you say so: but what I need is more
laudanum and less Lundy's Lane. If
you're mixing that, compound gefloxide of
geaoxicum for me. please fill my ears with
it before YOU get around to the battle of