davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Elbert County tribune., 1904-05-05
Double Measure.

But your hero and heroine get mar
ried in the middle of the story. How
do you expect the public to keep on
being interested In book like that?"
"Ah." said the new author, but they
get divorced in the last chapter and
live happily ever after. So, you see.
the reader is made twice glad for
one price of admission"
The Elbert County tribune., 1904-05-05
Evaded WALKING.

Silas-Old Bender had terrible
skate on last night.
Cyrus-That's strange. Thought his
wife said he should never put a foot
in her yard IL he'd been drinking?
Silas-Oh, he didn't have to put his
foot in 1t. Some one brought him
home in a wheelbarrow.
The Elbert County tribune., 1904-05-05
Most Remarkable.

Mr.. Kadley-Miss Odley is queer
girl. l heard her remark to another
girl that she saw Miss Swellman on
the avenue to-day.
Miss Pert-Well, what's queer about
that
Mr.. Kadley-The queer part OF 1t
was that she didn't proceed In the
same breath to describe what Miss
Swellman had on. = Philadelphia
Ledger.
The Elbert County tribune., 1904-05-05
Explaining II.

How much fur THAT drink" asked
the slightly fuddled man, examining
his change.
Fifteen cents" replied the crooked
bartender.
well. shay! you charged me 80
shents."
"Nonsensei You're seeing double.
That's all-Philadelphia Ledger.
The Elbert County tribune., 1904-05-05
An Important Feature.

Have you any referencesg" asked
the renting agent.
Plenty of them" replied the pros
pective tenant. Il can refer you to
the owner and the agent OF the build.
Ing am about to leave"
"Oh. that's unimportant," was the
reply. but II you have a line from the
1anitor OF that building you might 70
up and present 1t to the janitor OF our
building. and IL he o. KS 1t, we'll
be glad to let you have the fiat"
The Elbert County tribune., 1904-05-05
Mora In IL

"of COURSE" said the legislator.
'the arguments offered by the bills
opponents were good. but those of its
supporters were better
'Indced?" remarked the plain citi-
zen. How much better?"
"Oh. at least 100000 tter."-PhiI
adelphia Ledger.
The Elbert County tribune., 1904-05-05
To Prove what Swamp-Root, the Great Kidney Remedy
VIII Do for YOU. Every Reader Of this paper May
Have a Sample Bottle Sent Free by Mall

Weak and unhealthy kidneys responsible for moro
kidney trouble permitted
attenton-but
hey do m ost tandne Mt first.
If are o taking
better Will all
other TO heah A trial will convince anyone.
The Elbert County tribune., 1904-05-05
Offended.

Did you ever hear OF such shock
ing tastel" exclaimed Mrs. Cumrox in
dignantly.
What's the matter?' asked her
husband.
People In this hotel have complain
ed that they couldn't sleep because
Ethelinda played the plano. The idea
of anybody's preferring to sleep to
hearing Ethelinda pIay!"
The Elbert County tribune., 1904-05-05
All Upset.

"Confound it," exclaimed the ex-
cited Snowman, "one of the acrobats
that jumps over the elephants is full
of lager"
THAT reminds me of taking a
drink" grinned the clown.
How so?"
Hes tumbler full of lager"
The Elbert County tribune., 1904-05-05
Reminders.

Every now and then" said the re-
lentless man. the corporations are re-
minded by the courts that they can't
do as they please"
81 don't know about that" answered
Senator Sorghum. They are merely
reminded that they will have to find
some new way Of accomplishing the
same result"
The Elbert County tribune., 1904-05-05
EDITORIAL NOTICE.-If

EDITORIAL NOTICE.-If you
have the slightest symptoms of kidney or
bladder trouble. or II there is trace Of II
in your family history. send at once to DR..
Kilmer & Co.. Binghamton. N. Y. who will
gladly send you by mail. Immediately. with
out cost to you. a sample bottle Of Swamp
Root and book containing many Of the
thousands upon thousands Of testimonial
letters received from men and women cured.
In writing. be sure to say that you read
this generous offer in this paper.
The Elbert County tribune., 1904-05-05
Not a Pressing Enaaqement.

Nut Fress'hg Ehgsaemeht.
Her mother eyed him with cold con.
sideration.
Il suppose you have come to press
your suit?" she said in heavy tones.
NO. no." he replied. Il pressed 1t
at home. How does 1t look?"
And he piroutted gayly on one
foot.
The Elbert County tribune., 1904-05-05
An Ingenious Plea.

Your honor" said the confidence
man, the man who tempts another
to do wrong is as bad as the man who
does wrong. isn't he?"
Il believe 1t has been so held"
Well, then. send that hayseed to
jail. He's such fool that he lust
tempted me to fiimfiam him."
The Elbert County tribune., 1904-05-05
Words and Deeds.

Hicks-The way Bragley talks OF
providing for his wife he seems TO
think nothing too good for her.
Wicks-H'm, And the way he actu-
ally provides for her he seems to
think nothing is good enough for her.
The Elbert County tribune., 1904-05-05
An Improvement.

You saw papa?'
YES"
How did you like him?"
He struck me unfavorably."
That's better"
How better?"
81 believe he kicked the last young
man"
The Elbert County tribune., 1904-05-05
UPRIGHT Piano.

"Boo-hool" sobbed the young wife.
You are going to take away my
piano. That's downright shame"
you are mistaken. lady" chuckled
the heartless instalment man; its
an upright shame"
The Elbert County tribune., 1904-05-05
ConsoIinq.

Pete-Yes. Bill, de bunko man
passed away quietly. 1t was de de-
scription OF paradise dat consoled
him.
Jim-And did dey tell him de
streets were paved wild gold?
Pete-Better den dat. Dey told
him de streets were paved wild gold
bricks.
The Elbert County tribune., 1904-05-05
A Pointed interruption.

Cholly-D'you know I'm sometimes
inclined to think"
Clara (encouragingly)-why don't
you do 1t. Choliy? It's not such a DIFF
icult thing II you'll really try.
The Elbert County tribune., 1904-05-05
Merely Their Talk.

Mr.. Haamagan-I hear Miss Love is
quite a belle now. They say she is
prettier now than she ever was"
Miss Speitz-Exactly; they say she
is prettier than she ever was-or is.
The Elbert County tribune., 1904-05-05
Artfuf Schemers.

The Bachelor-"T wonder why girls
are SO fond OF forming old Maid
The Widow-"oh. they think the
young men will get busy and try to
induce them to change their minds"
The Elbert County tribune., 1904-05-05
Feminine CHARITY

Him-"Don't you think Miss Plainun
has an awfully sad face?"
Her-"Yes, poor dear; a face like
hers is enough to make any girl sad"
The Elbert County tribune., 1904-05-05
A PossIble Exnlanatlon

Il guess Crossman doesn't Ike
those new neighbors of his"
"Why?"
Il see he's finally consented to buy
his daughter the piano she weuted,
The Elbert County tribune., 1904-05-05
SHE.

He loved me once. I wonder why
had the heart to answer NOT
He craved my love: ah, well do
Recall the day he told me sol
Why was he not content to wait
Why did he come so soon to WOO?
Why don't men start by being great
And then come seeking iove-boo-h hoe
IS. Z. Kiser. In Chicago Record Herai,
The Elbert County tribune., 1904-05-05
Looking Backward.
HE

loved her once. I wonder why7
! grieved because she answered no;
Without her love | longed to die,
She laughed because told her so.
foolshIy supposed that she
Was worthy OF my love and care
But heartlessly she laughed at me
And turned and left me grieving there
The Elbert County tribune., 1904-05-05
A Distinction Of Propositions.

Distinction Of Propositions.
DO your constituents think great
deal OF your"
Il don't know whether they think
great deal OF me-" answered Senator
Sorghum. But the newspapers are
seeing to 1t that they think a great
det about me."-Washington Star.
Speaking Of Ranges.
"That tenor" remarked young Mug
gins at the concert. has tremend-
Gus range
Speaking of ranges" rejoined Miss
Nurich. you just ought to see the
one pa bought. 1t takes up the whole
end of the kitchen"
The Elbert County tribune., 1904-05-05
FIattering.

Fiatterins.
Jack-That's a fine dog you have.
Jim. Do you want to sell him?
Jim-Ill sell him for SO.
Jack-Is he intelligent?
Jim with emphasis sis)-Intelligent7
Why. that dog knows as much as
l do.
Jack-You don't say so? Well. I'll
give you half dollar for him. Jim
The New Yorker.
As He Looked At II.
Reporter suppose there are
some fine lines in your new opera?"
Manager-"Yes; the majority of the
chorus girls are rather shapely.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1904-06-04

One of King Edwards little human
weaknesses is said to be fondness
for witnessing a fire.
A writer in the Peoples Friend tells
of him that, when he was Prince of
Wales, one evening, on hearing the
rush of the engines passing, he follow
ed them to see their operations.
While looking on, he entered into con-
versation with a reporter, who was
taking notes of the occurrence, and
when about to return home again he
drew out his cigar case and offered the
reporter cigar, which he willingly ac-
cepted, and. tearing out a leaf from
his notebook, proceeded carefully to
roll it up.
On the Prince asking the reason for
his doing so, he replied: II may never
again have the honor of receiving a
cigar from your Highness, and should
like to keep this one as a souvenir"
The Prince observed: you know me
then. I did not think 1 should be
recognized and, again producing his
cigar case, said: "Will you have a
cigar?"
The reporter, nothing 1oath, accepted
again the kind invitation, the Prince
remarking as he did So but to smoke
this time. Liverpool Post.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1904-06-04
BOW MORSE COT
HIS INSPIRATION

| NEW YORK, May 24.-Clarence H
Mackay, president of the Postal Tele-
graph Cable Company. gave a dinner
tonight to the heads of his organization
in commemoration of the sixtieth an
niversary of the first Geographic mes
| sage sent between Baltimore and
Washington and the tenth anniversary
of the opening of the Postal building.
the United States.
Some of the guests were Colonel A. B.
Chandler. George f. Ward, Charles r.
Hosmer, W. H. Baker. E. H. Bradley,
c. C. Adams, E. C. P1att, Ford H.
Huntington, John 1. Waterbury and
George Harvey. Mr.. Mackay said:
In October, 1882, when Professor
Morse was crossing on the packet ship
SulIy, the conversation one evening
turned upon recent discoveries in cleo
tro-magnetism and the experiment of
Ampere with the electro magnet Some
one asked if the velocity of electricity
was retarded by the length of the wire
DR.. Jackson answered that electricity
passed instantaneously over any known
length of wire. Professor Morse, who
had been listening intently, remarked:
If the presence of electricity can be
made visible in any part of the circuit
1 see no reason why intelligence may
not be transmitted instantaneously by
electricity
1.-The idea took root in Mr. Morses
brain and, going upon deck, he paced
up and down until the early hours OF
the morning. If the spark he reason
ed, will go ten miles without stopping,
can make it go around the globe
How true this unconscious prophecy
proved you will all remember, when,
on the Fourth of July last year, Pres
ident Roosevelt sent message on the
completion of the Pacific cable, con-
tanning thirty-one words, whoch trav-
ersed around the globe, 28,S74 miles of
wire, in twelve minutes, at the rate of
2, AIS miles per minute. My answer to
the President, of forty-two words, oc-
cupied exactly nine minutes over the
same distance, or 3,219 miles per min
ute.
Gentlemen, let us bow to the memo
ry and genius of Professor Morse, whose
name, in the annals of this country, has
found it's rightful place among those of
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1904-06-04

Technical misfits may occasionally, if
not often occur, between indictments
and the facts proved in attempting to
make the indictments good. Yet it is
always a point gained, where the COM
1nunity at large is concerned, when
facts are proved. 1t is well for Hawaii
that grafters of the scanda1ous legisla-
tive sessions of 1903 have been branded
in full public view. The things reveal
ed may not be conspiracy or gross
cheat, but they certainly pertain to
some form of thief-craft.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1904-06-04
Cutting Trees By Electricity.

1t is reported in the German press
that successful experiments have been
made in various forests of France in
cutting trees by means of electricity
A platinum wire is heated to a white
heat by an electric current and used
like a saw. In this manner the tree
is felled much easier and quicker than
IN the old way, no sawdust is produced
and the light carbonization caused by
the hot wire acts as preventative of
the wood The new method is said to
require only one-eighth of the time
consumed by the old saving process
Chicago Post.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1904-06-04
THE SUNDAY ADVERTISER.

That variety of subjects which has
made the Sunday Advertiser grow more
popular every week will not be lacking
in tomorrow's issue. Among the local
contributions is a translation from a
German paper of "Sauerampfer's Ex-
periences in Honolulu" which will be
found laughable. Thomas Fitch's paper
in the series of "A Californian Abroad
discusses "Circuses and Sewers in
France. P. Maurice McMahon, the local
poet, writes feeling verses with refer
ence to Memorial Day.
In selected miscellany, Good Tales of
the Turf" is appropriate to the APP
preaching Hawaiian Derby" House
keepers will find a list of simple re-
ceipts for working up various kinds of
cheese into toothsome dishes. The pa
per will be embellished with pictures
relating to current events,
Editorials of general interest. to-
gether with the observations of 1.-THE
Bystander," will, it is hoped, fairly re-
ward perusal. Besides the department
of Sports including reports of the
baseball events of today; and Society
covering the most animated week So
cially Honolulu has seen for a Ions
time, there viii be the usual CONNER
cial review of the week, the record OF
local happenings for the previous TWEEN
ty-four hours, and war and world news
by cable up to the hour of going tc
press.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1904-06-04

Onicers have had a good time. Men
have enjoyed themselves. Business mas
received a distinct impetus from the
large amount of money injected into
the local circulation. Society will throb
with regret at the departure of the
pretty uniforms with the gallant forms
inside of them. Everybody will well
come the squadron back again. 1T is
pleasant to believe that Admiral Glass
and his entire command will not be
sorry when they receive the next sail
ing orders for Honolulu.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1904-06-04

Kauai stands second to no other isl
and of the group for the possession of
an honorable and high-minded elector
ate. If the constituency approve of the
act of Representative Jaeger, in drawing
the seasonal allowance he did not earn,
then the Advertiser is mistaken in Ka
uai
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1904-06-04

Owing to the Importance of the prin-
ciples, relating to konohiki water rights.
decided by the Supreme Court in the
Wailulzu case, the Advertiser has been
requested to publish the decision in
full. 1t appears in this issue.
Cameron County press. [volume] (Emporium, Cameron County, Pa.) 1866-1922, 1904-09-08
Special Cable.

PARIS, August 1st.-To-day the Hum
phreys' Homeopathic Medicine Co., of
New York are moving into their new
quarters, No. 81 rue des Petits- Champs,
near Avenue del pOpera.
The other offices of this Company
scattered throughout the world are:
LONDON, 40 Haymarket.
VIENNA, Stephansplatz s.
BRUSSELS, 65 Boulevard de Waterloo.
BARCELONA, Ronda S. Pedro s6.
MADRID, Gale Tetuan 3.
ALEXANDRIA, rue Cherif Pacha.
MANILA, 1877 Escolta.
Rio DE JANEIRo, 70 Rua deS. Pedro.
BUENos AYREs, 442 Gale Florida.
MEXICO CITY, Gale del Coliseo 8.
copy of DR.. Humphreys Manual
in English, French, German, Spanish
or Portuguese will be sent on request.
Humphreys Medicine Co, Cor. Will
liam and John Streets, New York.
Cameron County press. [volume] (Emporium, Cameron County, Pa.) 1866-1922, 1904-09-08
Letter to Emporium Machine Co.
Emporium, Pa.

Dear Sirs: Mr.-President of a
cotton-mill at Union, S. Che don't
want to see his name in print-had two
offers OF 500 gallons of paint; Sl.3O and
Sl.25. Took the S1.25; and got skin
ned. He'd have got three-quarters
skinned if he'd taken the other.
The Sl.30 was tull gallon; the $1.25
was Is per cent short. The full-measure
paint was adulterated 40 per cent. the
short-measure paint was adulterated
40 per cent. besides benzine in the oil,
don't know how much.
Devoe lead-and-zinc wasn't sold in the
town then.
1t don't pay to monkey with paint.
Devoe costs less than any of EN-; not
by the gallon, of course; by the house
and year. That's how to reckon it. Go
by the name.
Yours truly,
+. w. DEVOR IL Co.
p. S. Murry & Coppersmith Co.,
sell our paint. 80.
Cameron County press. [volume] (Emporium, Cameron County, Pa.) 1866-1922, 1904-09-08
THE COUNTY.
FIRST FORK.

The corn crop is very backward and
potatoes are reported rottening some.
VIM Swank has built quite large
wagon she'd and is engaged in clearing "A
laIlow for wheat
The freight and express office at Lush
baugh has been discontinued and is now
only a flag station.
The school directors have obeyed the
law and built some new outbuidings for
the schools of this district. Our schools
have been running month, thus getting
a start Of the rest OF the county.
Another old soldier has answered the
final roll call Freeman Ayers, of Whar
ton, died last Monday and the funeral
was held on Wednesday and burial made
in Wharton cemetery. He leaves one
brother and sister, Charles Ayers of
Ayers Hill, and Mrs ID. D. Colcord Of
this place. Also leaves a wife and fam
lily of grown up children on the old
Ayers homestead. His age was II years.
NUFF SED.
Sept. 9th, 1904.
Cameron County press. [volume] (Emporium, Cameron County, Pa.) 1866-1922, 1904-09-08
CITY of Contradictions.

Lassa is Il city of magnificent build
ings, where the streets are never re-
paired and, except for slight cleaning
In January and March of the Tibetan
calendar, are dreadfully dirty. Every
where people are laden with rich orna-
ments, but unwashed as Caverley's or
gan grinder. a vast Buddhist temple
stands in the center of the city, and it
Is encircled by street lined with
shops and roadside vendors. Both men
and women are enthusiastic traders,
and especially striking is the sight Of
Buddhist priests selling divers mer-
chandise at roadside stalls, with the
sleeves of their clerical robes rolled
high up their arms.-London Globe.
Cameron County press. [volume] (Emporium, Cameron County, Pa.) 1866-1922, 1904-09-08
Fearful Odds Against Him.

Bedridden, alone and destitute.
Such, in brief was the condition of an
old soldier by name of J. J. Havens,
Versailles, O. For years he was troubled
with Kidney disease and neither doctors
nor medicines gave him reIiet. At length
he tried Electric Bitters. Itput him on
his feet in short order and now he testi-
flies: "lm on the road to complete re-
cOvery." Best on earth for Liver and
Kidney troubles and all forms Of Stom-
ach and Bowel Complaints. Only SOC.
Guaranteed by l.. Taggart Druggist.
Cameron County press. [volume] (Emporium, Cameron County, Pa.) 1866-1922, 1904-09-08
SINNAMAh0NlNG.
Sept. 9th, 1904.

Potatoes ale rottening quite badly here
this season.
Fine weather for doing fall work and
farmers are busy.
Nate Peasley is after ground hogs this
week. Will report later.
Mrs c. W. Peasley is very sick with
diabetis. DR., Corbett is attending her.
S. b. Weikle has been appointed
Deputy Grand hustler for "Klass No.
1856"
Mrs. J. r. Batchelder and Miss Bes-
sic Walker are visiting friends at Lock
Haven.
Mr. Roland Wykoff and wife. of Go
wanda, Bradford county, are visiting at
this place.
II. b. Lightner has started five and
ten cent counter in the p. 0. S. of A.
bvilding.
w, c. No 1876, p. o. S. of A., have
purchased the lot next to the hall build
ing and propose to erect fine building
in the near future
The schools opened Monday for the
winter term, with the following staff of
teachers: a Grade, Prot. d. D. Stroup,
of Carlisle; B Grade, Miss Stella Orncr
of Lock Haven; Primary, Miss Evange-
line Brooks of Sinnamahoning. The term
has started with full attendance of
pupils and an excellent staff of teachers.
Cameron County press. [volume] (Emporium, Cameron County, Pa.) 1866-1922, 1904-09-08

t"t tHFU Ut teLteF' DeFSONdttU.
Mrs. John Cummerford has been
laid up for several days with quinsy.
w. II. Cramer is in New York City
purchasing his fall and holiday goods.
Lee Halderman came over from
Potter county on Saturday to visit his
family.
Fred Leutze returned on Saturday
from visit to Toronto, Niagara Falls,
and Buffalo.
Miss Rose Pye has returned from a
delightful visit with Miss Reta Whiting
at Ridgway.
Miss Alma Gauntz, Miss Belle Rob
inson and Robert Robinson visited at
Niagara Falls this week.
Miss Minnie Smith and sister Nellie
of Beech Greek are visiting their uncle
Mr.. n. J. Swartz and family on East
Fifth street
Attorney E. J. Jones, who has To-
Gated at Bradford, where he is enjoy
ing large legal practice, called on
his Emporium friends last Friday.
j. L. Norie, bookkeeper in C. B.
Howard Company's office, went to
Westboro, Wis, last Friday to accom-
pany his wife and children to Empo-
rum.
Miss Belle Robinson, who is located
at Jersey City, where she is employed
as professional nurse, is enjoying her
visit at home here. She took in the
sights at Niagara Falls on Tuesday.
Mrs. Stephen VanWert and little
girls Misses Bessie and Edna spent
Thursday and Friday at the pleasant
home of Mr.. and Mrs. Wygant at
Shippen. They always know how to
make pleasant time for all.
James G. Earl, an esteemed citizen
of East Ward and an all around good
fellow, was PRESS visitor last Friday
evening and carried away one of our
handsome autographn receipts up to
1905.
Miss Mary Robinson, who has been
visiting her parents at this place for
some time, returned to her school at
Dover, Del, on Monday. She is an
experienced teacher and is meeting
with success at Dover.
1t is reported that T. j. Lysett will
move to Williamsport in the near fu-
ture, having rented hotel in the saw
dust city.-Hotel Federal. The ST.
Charles has been rented to Mr.. Henry
Shade, an industrious citizen, who has
been in the employ of Climax Powder
Company.
Mr.. Thomas Trotter who, accom-
panied by his wife, have been visiting
at Cory during the past three weeks,
writes the PRESS they are enjoying
their visit. Mr.. Trotter informs us
that "our former townsman, Mr.. A.
McInnes, Sr., left on Tuesday for st.
Louis, he having entered the contest
for high speed steel, by request"
H. L. Mccoy and family, of Ridg
way have moved to Emporium and oc-
cupy the Faucet " house, opposite
Elk Tanning office. Mr.. Mccoy, who
is we'll recommended, resigned posi-
ton in Smith Bros store at Ridgway
to accept position with Elk Tanning
Co., at this place. Good people are
always welcomed in Emporium and
from the good reports we believe Mr.
Mccoy and family will find it pleasant
here.
Cameron County press. [volume] (Emporium, Cameron County, Pa.) 1866-1922, 1904-09-08
What is Life.

In the last alalysis nobody knows,
but we do know that it is under strict
law. Abuse the law even slightly, pain
results. Irregular living means derange-
ment of the organs, resulting in Consti-
patton, Headache or Liver trouble. DIR.
Kings New Life Pills quickly re-adjusts
this. It's gentle, yet thorough. Only
25c at L. Taggart's Drug Store.