Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1904-04-29
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He-Why does this theater have its
orchestra concealed? She-Why? Just
wait until you hear it play.
Teacher-Where was the Declara-
ton Of Independence signed? Tommy
At the Chicago Daily News.
Wantanno-Why do you call that
boy Of yours ''Flannel?" Duzno-Be-
cause he just naturally shrinks from
washing.
Editha-I wonder why the dudes
wear one eyeglass? Deborah-To pre-
vent seeing more than they are able to
comprehend.
"Ma, is there any pie left in the
pantryY' "There is one piece, but you
ma; I've had it."
Fond Parent understand the fac
ulty are very much pleased with your
work. Dropped Junior-Yes, they en-
cored my sophomore year.
"Grace, can you tell me what is
meant by a cubic yard?" II don't
know exactly, but guess it's yard
that the Cuban children play in"
Old Grim-Remember, young man,
there is always room at the top.
Young Sprawley-Oh, 1 know that;
I'm waiting for the elevator now
Judge.
Lord Littlecash Qovingly)-You are
my soul. Edith-Yes; told papa that.
"Oh, what did he say?'' ''Said you
didn't earn enough to keep your soul
and body together"
Nurse-Johnny, stop asking your fa-
ther so many questions. Don't you
see it annoys him? Johnny-Why,
nurse, it's not the questions that make
him angry; it's because he can't an
swer them.
A husband said to his wife: II
dreamed last night that 1 caught man
running away with you" What did
you say?" she asked. Il wanted to
know what he was running for" re-
piled the husband.
Mrs. CIosefst-Oh, do buy me new
bonnet, my dear. 1t will set all my
friends talking. Closefst-If you're
after notoriety, why don't you get the
old one retrimmed? That will make
your friends talk twice as much.
II see that choice Bengal tigers
have been marked down to $1OO EACH"
"For goodness sake, don't let my wife
read that paragraph. Here's my knife.
Cut it out. If those tigers are on tho
bargain counter she'd want at least
two.'
He (bitterly)-If I were rich you'd
marry me fast enough! She-Don't.
Gussie, don't! Such devotion breaks
my heart! He-What do you mean?
She-Often you have praised my
beauty, but never before my common
sense!
"Hello, Freddie! Are you playin'
robber" 'Playin' nuthin'. This is
the real thing. I'm waitin' for the
cook, an when she comes she'll tell
where she hides the pies, or I'll know
the reason why."-New York Evening
Journal.
"John," asked the lawyers wife,
who had recently taken up the health
culture fad, 'is it best to lie on the
right side or the left side? my
DEAR" replied the legal luminary, 'if
one is on the right side it isn't usual
ly necessary to lie at ALL"
Mrs. Youngwed-You know Uncle
Pincher said he was going to send us
that would help us save
our coal bills this year? Well, it came.
Mr.. Youngwed-Really A stock of
coal? Mrs. Youngwed-No. A little
for filing bills.
He (as they were seated in quiet
nook near the links)-Are you quite
sure we have never met before this
season? She-Yes; quite positive. He
And you haven't a sister? She
No; why do you ask? He-Well.. I'm
positive 1 hugged that blouse before,
Call a girl a chick, and she smiles;
call a woman a hen, and she howls.
Call a young woman witch, and she
is pleased; call an old woman a witch,
and she is indignant. Call a girl a
kitten, and she rather likes it; call a
woman a cat, and she'll hate you.
Queer sex, isn't it?-Chicago News.
Burglar-Gimme yer jewels! Lady
Of the House-Did you shut the win
dow after you? Are you sure you
wiped your feet? What did you do
with that burnt match? Did Bur-
guess I forgot it. =
Don't say another word, ma'am, an
I'll 90 right out-Chicago News.
Did 1 understand you to say that
you didn't have any company in the
kitchen while 1 was out, Katie?"
s'Yis, mum, that's what said" But
1 smell the tobacco from a pipe all
the house." "Yis, mum; the
policeman was in for half an hour.
mum, but we were in the drawing
ROOM"
Economical: First farmer-Did they