The Washington times., 1904-09-25
Temporary Autocrat of the Gas Range Con-
fesseS That Rear Entrance Visiting List
Is of Great Interest to Her.
Smashing and Dashing Grocery Boy Is a
More Self-Important Individual
Than World-Bearing Atlas.

their proper pasturage, and then comes
a taste OF garlic. or a weedy faint TO
the rich milk. which 1 no longer relish
with my morning cereal. But even a
personal audience with the man of bot
ties is not necessary 1 merely write
a note. gently suggesting n change Of
diet for The Jerseys. and put il In the
mouth OF ne milk bottle. and 10, upon
the second day thereafter the milk has
resumed its pristine purity and know
that the COWS are again amid the clover.
The Ice Man.
The next caller who comes to minis
ter TO my comfort is also an unseen at
tendant, and one who leaves his daily
contribution ere have descended kitch-
onward. He is not a bad fellow. this
burIy iceman. but, as the days grow
longer. cannot help noticing that my
lump of ice grows smaller, and the sense
OF proper proportion IS therefore dis
turbed I nm compelled to- demonstrate
with a note, which I pin 20 the ice chest
in the open storeroom. But the man of
tongs Is adroit and clever. He argues.
in his response, that he furnishes so
many pounds of ice per week, and as he
breaks it into daily Jumps. he cannot
always cut them precisely the same
size, but he endeavors to maintain "a
general average" But the hint Is tax
en- and next cay the general average"
is larger.
The first visitor whom I meet in per-
son is the rushing. smashing, dashing.
hurrying, grocery boy. who feels the
Importance Of his daily load more acute
ly than Atlas ever felt the burden Of
the earth. am satisfied that Teddy
Roosevelt never felt so self-important
as this green-gFOcer boy feels Never
theless. with ali the orders he has on
hand, he manages. in few minutes. to
pour fourth more neighborhood gossip
than hear in q fortnight from anyone
else. He must be something OF a IA
tallst; at least his news Is generally of
a calamitous nature. aid he evinces an
almost ghoUlish delight in relating the
narrowing tales.
Do 1 know that a man was burned to
death by the explosion Of a kerosene
lamp last night Yes. and his house
burned. too? Have 1 heard that man
was knocked off his wheel and had his
| leg broken yesterday on Thirty-second
Street? Am I aware that diphtherla is
in the neighborhood. and that a typhoid
| epidemic is threatened? Not a cheerful
budget Of news, certainly, but the gro
Gerry boy dashes off, whistling through
his teeth. as though he thrives on the
misery Of his fellows.
Occasional Mishaps.
Perhaps II is merely done TO check
his own exuberant spirits, and tone
them down to the level Of more sedate
| folks; even as he gives vent 10 his over
weening gayety sometimes, by dumping
the bag of eggs down so heavily that he
/ breaks from two to six out of the dozen
/ "a sort Of letting of steam, as II were.
At least I char.tably set II down to tat
/ cause; until. one day, 7 inadvertently
/ picked up a bag that had been damp
J ened by broken egg, so that the whole
| cOntents-two dozen in number-came
crashing down on my tidy kitchen floor.
| creating a mess Of scrambled eggs not
| TO be found on any breakfast menu.
I'm afraid I've never quite approved of
the grocer boys methods since. The ash
/ gentleman comes next, but I'm him take
but little interest. The dust from his
! cans seems TO have clouded over any
personality he may have possessed, and
| 1 think OF him as something negative
and almost impalpable, like the clouds
OF his own raising So l dismiss him
lightly, as one would blow away a speck
Of unwclcome SCOT.
The back-door guest most eagerly
! watched for, md the absence OF whom
creates genuine distress, is the garbage
gentleman. Not that he is fair TO look
upon. OF clad in 'sWeet-smeIling gar
ments;" quite the contrary. But since
he IS a necessary adjunct 10 good house
keeping and stands for all that is sani-
tary and wholesome, I cannot do with
out him Indeed. ! have dubbed him nv
knight Of the Garbage Pals" even as
Queen Bess conferred a title on a cour,
favorite. One day after a, lawn fete INV
gallant knight and true'-or so / then
thought him-restored 10 mo silver
spoon, an heirloom, and one I priced
highly. which happened TO be inadver-
ten4ly dropped with refuse into a gar
bage can
Armour for the Knight.
| I forthwith gave my honest knight a
nice pair Of patent leather shoes and a
modish straw hat in a burst Of graft
tude They didn't fit him, but a trife like
that did not worry him. Indeed, he
seemed so pleased that / was tempted 10
ask. in irony. If he were constructed on
the telescope travelling case plan, SO
that he could expand OF contract al