The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1904-01-13
THE NONPAREJL MAN

I66 NUNFAn6Jl WAN
A Casual Warning Thrown Out Against
The Minnesota Girls Fascinating SIS
teri errIbIe Predlcament Of Fargo
Youth Who Was Too Much Like the
Weather.
A Fargo boy is in desperate straits. ac-
cording to the Forum A Minnesota girl
is his trouble. And the more samples of i
her he sees the worse off he is. He tells !
the Forum this tale Of woe:
I have been desperately in love with |
a little girl in Minnesota and ran down to !
see her for day or SO.
Everything was progressing smoothly
until she made me acquainted with her
senior sister. Then the castle in the air I
was building vanished, and I began put
ting up a stone shack on the south side
for my new friend.
To make a long story short both of
them told me I was too much like the
weather
The result is that he is now back in
Fargo all aloney, having been handed out
q pair of twin throw downs tied up in
one neat little bunch with a piece of
blue ribbon. It's a good tip when you
have a Minnesota best girl not to see too
much of her sister. All Minnesota girls
y
brother carries his fingers crossed when
he tours the state.
Haverhill, Mass, found city treasurer
who had his ventilator wired down and
his exits locked.
The habit of putting up little admoni-
tory notices in business places appears
to be growing. A Boston paper has just
| discovered one reading:
"A good hard days work will put feath-
ers in any old bed"
| Sarcastic notices are often used with
! some effect. A local wholesale man has
the following over his desk:
Read the correspondence on tlais desk
if you wish: Details of our business cheer
| fully given.''
The December Outlook has a timely
article on ''HOw to Beat the Saloon" The
plan Of eating two generous free lunches
for one &c drink is still quite popular in
the west.
With Hearst for president it is freely
predicted in Washington that Happy Hoo
ligan would be in line for position in the
diplomatic service.
1t is declared that the site for the
new park under the brow of Lowry hill
is a bog. It is a little damp there in the
spring.
Friends of M. H. Boutelle, viewing his
length of neither limb with some enthu-
siasm, are urging him to run agains
; Lind. Mr.. Lind now holds the short ant
long distance championship on leg worl
for congress, but in case Mr.. Boutell'
runs the New Ulm wonder, to keep UP
: would have to get over the ground lik,
a frightened colt in the presence of tn
tooty cars on a grade crossing.
t With Great Britain trying to steal Tibet
Japan trying to steal Korea, Russia tryin
: to steal Manchuria and Germany tryin
4 to steal anything that is not nailed dowr
$ we are almost tempted to rush out an
t jump somebody's timber claim.
Secretary Shaw announces that h
+ would go 100 miles to see the grave {
)! a man who worked himself to death TT
Z secretary will stay right where he i
y There are lots of graves heaped up owe
men who worried and hurried themselve
to death. but the reliable old worker
y still at his desk.
~ Seventh street is pretty we'll uptown f,
a theater, but we guess that Bessie Bell
Is Bosterous Blond Burlesauers can put l
show there all right and Maize Maginn
and Trixie Montressor can take the st;
:. parts with acceptance, even if the O
"a FOUNDERS do have to run down to Six
y street for their germicide
= J. Townsend of New York, who HI
:, high sense of humor, went to the vi
~, toria theater to enjoy the ninstre
- When Lew Dockstader gave his mon
logue Mi. Townsend laughed so hard tn
he broke a blood vessel and had to
taken home in an ambulance. Mr.. Doc
stader was telling about the free in t
department stores:
&c The Free. said Lew, is fellow whom Il
IL big department stores employ as a buffer
keeps his job by being constantly fired
lady customer comes in and kicks about Il
lie W1lted rubber plant she bought last wee
k, Call Mr. Free of the rubber plant depal
= ment' says the floor walker. Mr.. Free
g called, and fred-thrown out of his job viii
% the lady waits. Then he is transferred to a
other department, ready to be discharged at
moments notice. I've been a Free and
ed know.
al Mr.. Townsend "hollered good at tn
~ but what broke the blood vessel was
joke on the 'peekaboo summer waist
Lew said he was trailing thru the depal
or ment store. He went on thus:
q But when I came to the summer waists
- could see my finish. A buXom lass came in
nd exchange peek-a -boo-she had it on-one
nd those peek boos made of pieces of strir
and this one of hers was shy four out of t
seven
|
OH show stopped while the ambulance be
u him away.
an
The Ba1dheaded Mems Junior assoc
ton was much interested this week in
ny report received from Paris. A Fren
sy Psychologist had unearthed papyrus g
CHI ing a recipe for royal remedy again
81 badness, concocted for King Chata, t
ay second sovereign of the first dynas
about 1000 B. c. The. remedy was e,
ployed by the kings mother. It &C
lty sisted of salve of dogs paws, dates a
IN asses hoofs, pounded up and then boi
ey in oil. With this salve the royal he
zee was anointed. AS to the result
ne papyrus is regrettably silent, but we CO
IN not question that there were Egyptians
TOT that day willing to certify before j,
tice of the peace that it had produced
one night heads of luxuriant, flowing he
sft 1t is not on the market now but did y
ny ever try Hairine? A. J. r
lu-
THE VIBRATIONS OF FISH
ETY.