The Montgomery advertiser., 1904-10-09
MIR. DOOLEY ON THE
 BRINGING UP OF CHILDREN


 .pid ye iver see q man as proud iv aunvthing as Hogan Is iv that kid W his?, said MT. Dooley.
 .swait till he's had iliven." said MT. Hennessy.
 .oh. iv coorse," said Mir. Dooley. rye have contimpt f'r an amachoor fatber that has on'y wan offspring. An oi' professyonal parent like ye that's I practically done nawthin' all ye'er life hut be a father to helpless chiidner don't understand tn emotions fv tn author iv a limited edition. But Ho- gan don't care So far as am able 10 fudge firm what he says. his IS tn on perfect an complete child thu. n
 been projooced this cinchry. He ioon on you tn way Hinnery James "o look on Mary Jane Holmes.
 1T wint around to see this here pro iidv tn other day. Hogan met me th' dure. Wipe off ye'er feet, says ra,- .Whv.' says I. Baby, says ne. xrohe.. he says. He thin conouc.eo me to a basin iv water an lnstnru me to wash me hands In prepa .s,,rIv iy carbolic acid. Whin we" Co a perfumed. he inthra)ooceo set- toothiess oP gintleman who WE .ot ti,,, nm in a cradle atin' his rlgnt .oo. >sAir.t he finer says Hogan.
 r.i. .ays T. Did ye iver see such ap exnreasvonY says he. 'NiVer' .as Hiyen is me judge. nlve. ,,., at his hair says he. T "rp r.re, .Ain.t his eyes beautifulg Ihey ,t. savs. .Ar-re they glass or o ,ittIa t.tion? says I. An thim c.ion. cunnihs . savs he. On close inspictloh'
 's .yes. they ar-re. They ar-re Feet Ye'er offspring don't know
 .ron9h. He thinks that wan IS saughnut.' He's not as old as ne InnTs says Hogan. He cuddent pc, sayaI. He looks old enough to pc Dimmycratic candydate fr wee prs dint. Why he's lost most W ms .' ,',st I says. Go wan. says he' ne 'a rettin' them. He has two uppers an se,.s ,owers, he says If he had tsw wore, he'd be a sleepin' car, says Does he speak? says ]. sure s.vs Hogan. Say Poppa.' he says; .Gah., says young Hogan. Hear lnat' says Hogan; that's poppa. Say mo n,. says he. 'Gah,' says tn pro1ldy. Tbat.s rsoma. says Hogan. See. heres Misther Dooley,' says ne. sBIub.' says tn phenomynon. LOOK A. that says Hogan, he Knows !e' nv says ,,, tn, things that has made me popylar In th. ward is that I make blum at adorin' childher. Between you an me I'd as lave salute dish rag as recent infant but I always do 1t. So l put on an allurin' smile an says l. well, little ol goozy goo, will he give his Dooleyums a kiss? At that min wit Hogan seized me be tn collar an dragged me away ,. firm tn craIss' s 'wud ye kill me child? says ne. How? says I. With a kiss, says he. Am I that bad? says I. Don't ye know that there are mickrobes what can be transmitted to an infant in a kiss? says he. We'll says l with indignation. I'm not proud iv mesilf as an antisepttc American I says, but in an encounter between me an that there young cannibal.' I says. I'll lave it to tn boord iv health who takes tn biggest chance I says, an wint out, followed be howl firm tn pro- tidy. He's singin' says Hogan. He has lost his notes. says I.
 "whin- we got down stairs, Hogan give me lecture on tn bringin' up iv childher As though I needed 1t, me that's been consulted on bringin' up half tn childher in Archey road Tn tn or days, says he, 'childher was brought up catch as catch can.' he says. But it's different now. They're as carefully watched as a geeranyum in a consarvatory,' he says. Here 1t is Tn first thing that shud be done fir a child is to deprive it iv its parents. Tn less tn infant sees iv popa an momma, tn betther fir him. If they ar-re so base as to want to look at tn little darlin', they shud first be exam ined be a competent physician to see that there is nawthin' wrong with thim that they cud give tn baby. They will thin take a bath iv sulphuric acid an havin' carefully attired thimselves in a sturlized rubber suit, they will approach within eight feet iv tn object W their ignoble affection an lave at wanst. In no case mus they kiss, hug or fondle their projeny Many diseases such as lumbago, pain in tn chist, premachoor badness, senile decrepi- tude, which are privalent among adults, can be communicated to a child firm tn parent. Besides 1t is bad fir tn moral nature iv tn infant. Affection fr it's parents is wan iv tn mos dan gerous symptoms iv rickets. Tn pa rents may not be worthy iv tn love iv thurly sturlized child. An. infants s trst jooty is to tn doctor to whom it owes It's bein an stayin'. Childher ar-re initiative an if they see much iv their parents they may grow up to look like thim. That wud be a great mis- fortune. If parents see their childher befure they enther Harvard. they ar-re f'rbidden to teach thim foolish wurruds like "poppa" an "momma." At two a properly brought up child shud be able to articulate indistinctly tn wurrud "Docthor Bolt on tn Care an Feedin' lv Infants" which is betther thin say in "Momma" an more exact.
 Gr-reat care shud be taken iv tn infants food. Durin' tn first two years lt shud have nawthin but milk At three a little canary bur-rd seed can be added. At five an egg ivry other Choosdah. At siven an orange. Al twelve tn child may ate a shredded biscuit. At forty tn little tot may