The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1904-01-30
THE NONpAREJL MAN

Spiritual and Material Ideas and Their
Extern aifzatIon In Facial Adjournment
Effect of Ridicuie and Of Reference to
Atmospheric Disturbance on the Popu-
arity Of the Modern WhIsker-The Ma.
ter1aIIstic Idea Embodied In the Van.
dyke Beard-Wonderful Invention Called
the "vandyker.'
Editor Pease of Anol1e, comes forward
with a defense of whiskers. He says it is
the fashion to be clean shaved, and men
are just as foolish in following the style
as the women
:. The passing of the whislzer is due some
thing to fashion, to be sure. but mainly to
the breath Of ridicule. TO have these
facial ornaments referred to in public as
spinach" ''lambrequins, lace curtains
or even to hear continually that old saw
about the prevalence in their vicinity Of
atmospheric disturbance, becomes annoy
ing in time. In addition to this gentle
man with whiskers is sometimes lightly
referred to us IAN old papa or "a goat
whereas the same man. clean shaven, is
likely to be more favorably known as
that old buck name which does not
seem to carry any offensive significance to
lIlS average man, pfODdDly because OF the
qualifying words "a fine old" usually
coupled with it. Call man "a fine old
buck and he feels rather fiattcred than
otherwise. Call him an "old goat" or even
"a fine old goat and the clear stream OF
his thought is, likely to be somewhat
this is one Of the abstruse problems Of
psychology into which we do not care to
enter In this presence.
Yet there are certain trades and profess
slons that still require a variety Of whs-
kers. Take. the prophets by the beard
of the prophet is a very old oath. You
cannot imagine Dr. DoWie clean shaven.
There is certain association in tho
prophetic mind between whiskers and d.
vine sanction Still more difficult would
it be to imagine DR.. =Dowie, Elijah, in
Vandyke beard. You see at once that
the prophetic idea is not properly clothed
In Vandyke. On the other hand the
medical idea is essentially externalized in
Vandyke cut
You see at once that are deal
ing with very subtle distinctions. To
generalize a little further, we might say
that spiritualisn, using the word In it's
philosophical, not in its technical sense,
is properly typiied by unrestrained whis-
kers; materialism by the Vandyke cut Yet
even the Vandyke idea has it's opponents
in materia medica, due to the tendency on
the part of the ever present, germ to use
the wh1sker for a roosting place.
To depart from the argument a bit at
this place, now that the main points have
been stated, we wish to call attention to
the wonderful strides made by modern
progress in the use of machinery In con-
nection with the whisker. The number
Of Vandyke boards now in use has resulted
Of late in the invention of what is known
as 1.-THE Vandyker.' It Is a machine
which cuts the beard in this particular
form. All the physician has to do is to
place his countenance in the machine and
turn crank and the beard is at once
Whitfield off to the necessary point
So we go on. Where will it all end7
Professor D. l.. Sperry from Oberlin coils
lege says kissing, smoking and splitting
spread disease Well. for heavens sake,
give us a little disease then. What's the
use of living, anyway, if you are scared to
death daily.
The Lake Crystal Union says that a
Blue Earth farmer is so much in want
Of farm hands that he offers wages of Sc
per day; breakfast served in bed; working
hours from 10 a. m. to p. m; all heavy
work to be done by the farmer, and cigars
furnished free. These terms would suit
us pretty well because it isn't necessary
to get up at 3 a. M. to milk.
uII IydTdnS6aE tIlat We look TO- tho
cellar last October is beginning to boiler
for spring like burned boot
An eighth ward resident reports that
he threw in a ton of coal last week and
he was the only warm person in the house
and then only when he had just assembled
from the cellar.
This radio activity is getting so COM
mon that we may yet find it is what the
fried onion does.
While men and women We're fleeing In
wild confusion from the lofty Masonic
building in Chicago where fire broke out
last week, Lieutenant Commander John
F. Luby, u. S. NJ, Numbered "Sit down."
at number of applicants for the navy
who were undergoing examination before
him in his office on the fourteenth floor.
The first duty of a sailor is to obey or
ders,' he shouted. "Gc on with the ex-
amfnations. This happened to be all
If it had not been. We cannot help feel
ing that Lieutenant Commander I.uby
ought to be officially kicked on the seat
Of his authority.
George Francis Train had A big brain.
It's weight was 81 ounces against an av-
erage weight Of 49.5 ounces. Evidently
mind that was running it.
Doc Bixby, the poet. philosopher and hu-
morist Of the Lincoln, Neb., Journal who
has been making his annual dash for the
pole. passed thru Minneapolis yesterday.
Mr.. Bixby has been deliver
ing few lectures in various towns of
southern Minnesota. The local papers all
say that zone Of the largest. most in
telligent and cultured audiences that ever
Graced our opera-house'' assembled to
hear DR.. Bixby. Then they go on to tell
how his talk ELECTED almost contin-
uous round of laughter" His pathetic
vein. too, is considered fully as strong as
his humorous attempts.
DR.. BiXby is very stout on offhand
flashes of wit when he is on his feet This
was shown by his encounter with Carrie
Nation when that amiable lady was in
Lincoln, Neb. Foreseeing a little pleas
urable sport the prohibitionists of that
town offered Bixby $50 to debate with
Mrs. Nation. Doc of course told them
that he would do almost anything for $50
and the tournament Of wits was arranged
and advertised. The crowd was immense
After the stock arguments both sides
Mrs. Nation said that she understood that
the doctor had a very reputable son. She
asked him what he would do if the sa-
looms got hold of him and ruined his ca
reer and blighted his fathers old age.
Bixby got ponderously to his feet and be-
gan:
IF after the admontions of his mother
and the example of his father
IA nr to-, III