West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1904-04-21
Col. Robert Solomon Hollis was
Chairman and Addressed Them
in the Parlance of the Diamond.

am not an alafmist by any means, but IL
this political enthusiasm continues TO
spread as rapidly as II has IN the past few
weeks the rate OF insurance will become
prohibiory in Preston county. The insur.
ance company can afford TO take the risk OF
insuring those who are becoming so enam.
ored with one another that they persist in
embracing one another when they meet in
convention TO eulogize each other We
have had several panegyric exhibitions of
this kind within the last few weeks which
has caused mild sensation among the old
maids and bachelors, who view IL with
greater alarm than Teddy does the race
suicide. This has set me to thinking to de-
wise means by which this felIcitous feeling
among the Republican brethren could be
terminated without the destruction of the
ancient family of pie.consumers. So cali
ed together Deacon Brown. John Oblong
Whetsell and Farmer Proximity Gale. who
are the recognized head OF the crow-eaters.
for consultation. They met me with full
head OF hair and n full face of whiskers
which they have been growing since they
resolved to let grow until they elected some
Democrat to office. | laid the matter be.
fore them for advisement and action
Deacon Brown. whose mustsche rivals the
traditional hair Of Samson. and whom the
Deacon declares was the father of Democ-
racy, was emphatic In his language and
gestures that the free entertainment now
being given by the opposing political party
should not be interfered with. as IL would
lessen their chances OF getting a shave and
and hair cut. something they we're sorely
in need of. This seemed to touch the re.
sponsive chord In both Whetsell and Gale,
and my good intentions met with a cold re-
cepton among the hirsLtes. The Deacon
told me In language that could not misin-
terpret that my duty was to give a full and
complete report TO The ARGUS each week
OF the famiIyreunion which was so interest
ing aud entertaining to The public. As the
liquid in the bottle which I carry in my
inside pocket and which is frequently my
only companion in chasing the piehunters
was getting very low. there was nothing
else for ire TO do but to keep up the chase
On Tuesday morning started for Rowles.
burg. sometimes called the River city
to report the debate between Col Mont
gomery and Mai. Flynn. which was schedul-
ed to take place. AS il is well known
among the people am not friendly TO
railroads. although they have offered me
every inducement to crush ballast. But /
am no crusher. On my way TO Rowlesburg
met the Cheat River railroad coming
down Cheat river and upon inquiring they
told me they had the right OF way TO Pitts.
burg. am not dsputing their contentious
as have no desire to collide with a locomo-
tive under full steam
When | arrived on the opposite side of
the river was met by delegation headed
by Col. Bob Hollis and Capt w. w. Shoch.
They greeted me with open arms and point
ed TO the bridge. They declared that my
march into the city over the bridge should
be ,riumphal. Col Hollis and Capt Shoch
informed me that the people we're so proud
Of the bridge that they had lost all interest
in County Commissioned whom they we're
so fond OF before they got the bridge. Col
Hollis and Capt. Shoch introduced me to
every man. woman and child in the River
City as the only war correspondent who
had followed the army In South Africa. the
PHILIPPINE Islands. Cuba and Preston coun.
~; that was billed for Japan when the
cruel war was over 10 Preston. This
brought forth burst OF admiration from
the people which caused me to blush at my
greatness.
The town was rapidly filling up with PEG.
pie and the Colonel and Captain escorted
me TO the Commercial Hotel to tighten M
my belly'band which was getting very loose
and dropping down. The culinary depart.
ment OF the Commercial hotel has been re-
duced to science. and " Col. Montgomery
and Mai Flynn will continue their hot air
exhibitions in this town for the next month
no belt so far manufactured can encircle
my frame and meet at both ends. Before
! entered journalism was accused by my
opponents OF being a ballast.box suffer
but never stuffed so vigorously and gor.
geously as | did while my feet remained
under the table az the Commercial hotel.
End that my fsme as a society leader
had preceded me to the River City and the
society ladies' were many and beautiful who
called and sent up their cards. When I
appeared IN the parlor they aocked around
me. and for few moments imagined ]
was ~ cologne garden the atmosphere
was so Fragment with perfume. Many and
pressing were the invitations that remain
Tor month and devote my time TO the
society people instead Of chasing the pie
hunters over the County. With that DO
likeness and gentility which has made me
such favorite with the ladies I assured
them that nothing but business could pre-.
vent me from accepting their invitations
shoe maker said when be worked on the
day Of hs wifes funeral. The reputation
Of rHE ARGUS is at stake and must fuiRll
my mission. When winter comes and I
cannot travel will be with the ladies.
Outside could hear arguments in various
tones and languages. and 7 knew the ora.
tors had arrived and the meeting would
soon be the star attraction At this juno.
ture COL Hollis and Capt. shoch came in
and informed me my presence vas roquired
40 The meeting
The meeting was called TO order by
Postmaster fioot0n who announced that
Col Robert solomon Hollis had been
selected as chairman Of the meeting Col.
Hollis came forward and responded as
follows
Ny buckles
You pay me high compliment when you
call me TO tie bat first. Tor which promise
you will line her out Tor home ran. SO
base. two base. or three Dagger Tor me.
Nothing short Of a home run VIII sustain
tho reputation Of the River city, wild
aDd prolonged cheeung) All me lsddies.
you know your Uucie Fuller IS az the bat
and there will be 10 tanning The wind or
punching out luproarious chcoring) Other
towns have been scoring hit on this joint
debate grand stand play but the River City
is going 20 knock The pigskin on The ball
Tremendous shouting and waving Of