Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1904-06-03
BISHOP TURNER AND REMus.
The Negro .Prslate's chronological The.
ory Is Not Exactly New.

The Negro .PrsIate's chronological The.
ory Is Not Exactly New.
Bishop Turner gave the Associated
Press a dispatch and a good many
editors something to write about the
other day when he declared amid the
rapturous applause Of the colored Meth
odist conference that the whole race
was originally black and that the white
people were just bleached. But, while
acknowledging the originality Of Bishop
Turner's view, we are Of the opinion
that Uncle Remus has q better theory
still. Moreover, Uncle Remus' theory
has the advantage Of being sustained
by a time-honored tradition that
reaches back we know not how far.
Said Uncle Remus, talking to that
immortal little boy:
"Tooby sho de pam Of my hams
w'ite, honey, an wen 1t comes ter dat.
dey wuz a time wen all de w'ite folks
'uz black, blacker den Is, kaze done
bin yer so long dat bin sorter bleach
ed out"
It will be noticed that thus far. even
to the bleaching out theory, Uncle
Remus and Bishop Turner agree. Un-
Gle Remus continues:
"Yasser. Folks dunner wat bin yit,
let lone wat gwinter be. Niggers Is
niggers now, but de time wuz wen we
'uz all niggers tergedder."
The little boy asked:
when was that, Uncle Remus"
Way back yander. In dem times
we'uz all un US black. We 'uz all mig
gers tergedder, en- 'cordin ter all de
counts wat years folk 'uz gittin
long bout ez well in dem days ez dey
is now. But after while de news
come dat dere wuz pom er water
some'rs in de naberhood, witch ef dey-
ed git inter dey'ed be wash on nice en-
wife, an den one un um, he fine de
place en- make er plunge inter de pom
en- come out w'ite ez er town gal. En-
den, bless grashus! wen de folks seed
it, dey make a break fer de pom, en-
dem wat wuz de soopless, dey got
in fus an dey come out wite, en-
dem wat wuz de mex soopless, dey got
in mex en- dey come out merlatters;
en- dey wuz sech crowd un um dat
dey mighty nigh use de water up, witch
wen dem yuthers come long, de NOR
est dey could do wuz ter paddle about
wild der foots en- dabble in 1t wild der
hans. Dem wuz de niggers, en- down
ter dis dey dey amt no w'ite about er
nigger 'ceppin de pa'ams er de hans
en- de soles er der foot"
And then Uncle Remus went Bishop
Turner one better by making his eth
biological theories apply to the whole
race. He added:
de Injun en- de Chinee got ter be
counted long er de merlatter. I ain't
seed no Chinese dat knows un, but
dey tells me dey er sorter 'twix q
brown en- q brindle. Dey er- ah fnef-
latters."
Even the hair question was settled
by the same. theory.
Dem wat git ter de pom time nun
fer ter git der head in de water, de
water hit onkink der hair. Hit bleeged
ter be dat erway"
Between Bishop Turner and Uncle
Remus we agree with Uncle Remus
that 1t is "bleeged ter be dat erway'"
In fact, we even withdraw the admis'
sion of Bishop Turner's originality as
to the bleaching process. The bishop
is shameful plagiarist, his theory Is
fatally defective as it stands, because
It does not account for "de PAINS er
der hans en- de soles er de foot" The
chronological pond is herewith adopted
as the true solution. 1t even gives VI
workable theory for the "onkinkins"
Of the hair Of the white folks.
We wish there were still an Uncle
Remus in every neighborhood. Some
thing altogether wholesome went out
of our southern life when he died.
We could spare hundred Bishop Tur.
ners better than one Uncle Remus.-
Charlotte News.