New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1904-12-18
YOUR MINISTER'S WIFE.
rs SHE 4 FAILURE As Il HELPMEET IN PARISH
WORK?
The Experiences of Many Gathered Here Prove That Is for Her
to Escape That Condemnation

every means in her power, but she will belong
by her marriage vows to God and her husband,
not to God. husband and his congregation"
The bride came and ministered unto her nus
hand whiIe he mnstered to his people. She
never bAane president of the Ladies' Sewing
Circle nor did she lead the mothers meetings.
but In time as her own family increased. she
was recognized as an ideal Christian mother.
one who looked well after the affairs of her
household, and the relations between the con-
gregation and the parsonage were always pleas
ant.
Said one who has studied this problem for
years:
In the long run, the minister's wife who
does not wish to lead in parochial work lives
the happiest and the most spiritual life. II she
undertakes greater labor in the church work
than other members Of the congregation. II she
endeavors to head all the various women's and
girls societies, she may expect fair amount Of
gossip concerning her methods. The disposition
OF her husbands people. in the main, is not to
be unkind but their church life is apt 10 be their
social life also. and the desire 10 dominate is
strong within the feminine breast, the
strong minded minister's wife who tries to run
things is bound to meet with earnest If not
captious criticism"
The woman a minister thinks he ought to
marry and the woman he really does marry in
the end are not always one and the same.
man who is regarded exceptionally sue
cessfpl worker among the young people of his
parish recently approached on this topic.
and the question was asked pointblank:
What sort OF woman should the young
preacher select for his wife,"
The man of experience and years put his
finger-tips together and stared thoughtfuly into
the. fireplace Then suddenly he arose, and.
crossing to his desk. pulled out some faded
sheets OF writing.
Just before 1 graduated from the theological
seminary. my father, practical business man,
wrote advising me to marry, and. as, he knew
my first charge would probably be small and Its
salary in proportion, he offered to place small
income at my disposal TO back up the matri-
moniaI advice. In reply, L wrote this letter.
which he saved and returned to me on my we'd
ding day. You will see here that described a
woman who was Mary above all Marys. Her
manners would appeal to the rich in my con-
gregation, yet she would not patronize the poor.
Her spirituality was to be the star to lead me
on 10 heights such as few clergymen had ever
reached. Her face would be Madonna-like in its
purity and. sitting opposite me as wrote. she
would be the inspiration OF sermons which
should lead thousands in the way they should
60 AS composition. that letter was one of the
best things I wrote"
"Wen?"
The clergyman patted the letter affectionately.
About two months after l ordained
attended musical given by a we'll to do parish
Toner Seated just two rows ahead of me was Il
young woman with brown hair, which had a
way of slipping down and ripping around the
nape of the whitest neck 1 had ever seen. for
got Beethoven. Chopin and Wagner, and prayed
for the moment when l could the owner of
that brown hair face to face. Six months later
! married her-and my father returned this let
ter. She didn't look like a Madonna, and the
first Of my sermons that read aloud to her pro-
voked not approval but very different sent-
ment. She nothing IL not unsympathetic.
john she said, terseIy. what You need is less
religion and more humanity in your sermons.
Less spiritually attuned phrases and more red
blood You see, she wasn't the woman 1
thought l needed. but the woman 1 did need,
and through her God has crowned my labor with
success My wife never could lead mothers
meeting or run the Girls Friendly Society. but
she could and did lead me.
The enthusiasm and energy OF youth is re-
sponsible for what the world sometimes terms
failure on the part Of the minister's wife.
Brides, like brooms, sometimes sweep clean.
and then, when from being used too much
in direction, they fail to gather up the dust.
A bride in the fresh zeal of her new position
: may do more than either her husband or his
| congregation has a right TO expect or her
! strength will permit. And by and by when
outraged nature rebels. she gradually drops this
| society that her calling becomes less regular,
and the congregation decides that their min
! listers wife is firing OF her duties It takes u
! strong wled, broad minded minister 10 save his
| wife from this sort of failure"
Said old preacher: NO but the wife.
| her husband and their God really knows whether
not that wife is a failure. No congregation.
! judging from its own prejudiced point Of view,
/ can honestly make such an assertion. Even the
! woman herself is not competent to settle the
question, for the influence Of woman is like an
ever widening swell of the Its final meet
ing with the horizon is beyond our sight"
The mother of a brilliant New-York writer was
a farmers daughter. Her lover went from II Q
district school TO college, and came back to
marry the girl he had loved from their singing
school days. But while he had been in college
and the theological seminary, she had been
working early and late to help her parents meet
a mortgage In patience and in spirituality she
had grown a hundredfold. but in what she
termed book learning" she had fallen far be-
hind him He did not stop to think OF what the
congregation. awaiting his coming in q small in
land city might think of her quaint fashion of
dressing and her hating. ungrammatical speech.
He only knew that he loved her and needed her.
A city dressmaker altered the fashion of her
frocks, but no amount of contact with her cult
ured husband and his congregation could undo
the mischief of habitual misuse Of the English
language. In those days the minister's wife
was expected TO speak often in meetings and 10
lead in all good works. especially with her voice.
SO this poor woman suffered torture. untold
every time she strove TO address the various