davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1904-07-10
BY JAMES T. SULLIVAN,
 Of .he Boston Post.

Yes, I was out at St Louis. Now don't imagine that I use the word ''out'' in a sense of losing my money. l admit l was prodigal, even though the million or more souvenirs which l brough back and handed to relatives and friends were accepted with looks that plainly said: Well, you broke your heart remember ing me, didn't you?"
 It would make book to write all did and saw at the fair. dainty little crea- ture with poetic eyes, enshrouded in bright lSimona. won my heart-or a por- ton of it. A Lunch of brown flesh with q few wards of calico wrapped about her, in the Ingorrot village. looked at me as if she would like to win the big gilded badge. with bright streamers. that some one fastened to my manly bosom. Ever since l have wondered whether she thought I was President Francis or An drew Carnegie An orientally dressed beauty whose English was really as "culchawed" as a Boston dames hyp- notized my loose change and few bills in exchange for some warranted solid 14-dipped Attleboro jewelry, which she unblushingly told me came rom Cairo A buxom miss with the ardor of Alpine heights enrolled a refrain that seemed to say:
 ''Pinks and posies nice red posies,
 For the lady fair you will puy to year,
 No? Chess"
 Result: Attractive companion made more so.
 It is surprising what illusions person may indulge ir for a small sum at the fair Fifty cents allowed me the privilege to float lazily in goncoia' among the beautiful cascades under arches thrown over inc lagoon. here and there among massive buildings, all the while imagin- ing that I was an American millionaire doing Venice Twenty-Five cents aided me to consider myself muti-millionaire as I ci-cled about the grounds in an auto Tyith n skilled chaffeur. For the same sum I felt rich as l was wheeled about in a chair and looked down at the poor .nud-redalers about me. But when my pipe went out and came back 70 ear'h
The Birmingham age-herald., 1904-07-10
BY L. H. ROBBINS,
Of the Newark News.

Tn my humble opinion the state build ings are the finest things at the fair. When a man rises up in the morning and poeth forth like Athletic Teddy to run a race, he may swear by the Festival Hall or the Palace of Varied Industries and say: This or that has the Arst call. II3ut along toward evening when his eyes are strained to aching with the mighti- res of 1t all, when his back protests and his feet are heavy in the shoes of him. then he turns to his favorite states hospitable lodge in that wilderness of sights. and he says in his, heart, This is the best" An old farmer from New Jersey shares this opinion What he ea- presses in the following verses may be applied as well to any state building on lhe grounds:
 I'd been all day a-gazin at the big St.
 Looey fair, sAstonished at the gradeur of the streets
 and temples there; An long toward evenin, pretty tired, an
 feelin' sad an small, came across a buildin' with name upor
 the wall
 It set my old heart thrillin' with happy
 sort of p,ide
 New Jersey vas the name I read. an
 that meant Step inside" .Twaslike that rlace in Morristown where
 N ashin't9n hung out. The doorknobs made of gleamin glass
 the pillars square and stout The good old kind of Jersey house we
 know just llfe book. With comfort on the face of it m wei
 come in it's look An. spite of all its elegance, the minute
 I went in
 I felt at home. as if I'd passed my own
 front doot again.
 While there I stood girl came up with
 cheerful smile an kind ,rGood evenin, ma am" said polite, I'm only here to find What sort of house my state has got. l
 hope l don't intrude.' Indeed you don't said she to me. An may then eorolude
 That you're from Jersey" Sure l am. !"
 An so am l." she said; sSit down an rest--you look so tired
 an have a cup of tea"
 -ou know. an old chap far from home
The Birmingham age-herald., 1904-07-10

you been up to nowT' ejaculated the man.
 The arrival of the sadly rumpled young man answered the question.
 The toothpick chewer solemnly stopped and picked up the hat. He took out his handkerchief and carefully wiped the place where the animals teeth had held it.
 ''You must excuse Tiger he said, hand ing it over to it's owner. Hes young and frisky, but he means no harm"
 ''I wish l had gun" said the young man. T wish I had your hat back. and I'd give Tiger another run
 ''I'll have you arrested.
 Say, sonny, don't you see the people laughing at you?"
 The young man took one look around and dived into passing uptown car.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1904-07-10
FUNNY MEN TILL
 ABOUT THE FAIR , Press HumoristS Give Some of
 Their Impressions OTIS REESE DOES THE PIKE Men Who Make Laugho for the News papers Had a Big Time at
 St. Louis and Are Very Enthus iastic.
OTIS REESE DOES THE PIKE

St Louis, July 9.-The American Press Humorists-a national organi- zation composed of the men who write humor and verse for the newspapers and other periodicas- spent week at the Worlds fair in June. holding their second annual convention within the grounds. They stopped at the Inside Inn, made various jokes out of the name of the hotel and did the fair thoroughly. President Francis of the ex- position made such a humorous speech in welcoming the funny men that they elect ed him an honorary member of the organ iza ton. After recovering from the weeks outing-or inning-a few of the humorists wrote and forwarded to the General Press Bureau their impressions of the exposi- ton, which are appended.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1904-07-10
BY FRANK T. STRAIGHT, of the Los Anueles Record.

The greatest Of Worlds Fairs has im- pressed me as cure for the blues--not only cure. but a preventative. Not all have the blues when they arrive--when the people, not the blues, acr.ve-but when you take Californian (by brevet, at least in this easel and transplant him for week in St Louis snatching nir', away from waving palms (not the kind extended when you call for pitcher of ice water at a Worlds fair hoteD end the incense of rose-gardens and the gold
The Birmingham age-herald., 1904-07-10
HpEH n1T Mm 41@DReductionS Thick and Fast

fat months are gone and the course in July and August when broad least.
 Most They cannot that their pesson of controlling conditions they allow conditions
 To hold that you will not buy during July and August the
 That the prices and the merchandise natural hng-snt it The activity Saks is intense are instituted quick reduction folio economies are losing money-gracefuly- murmur-b to that in the end 1t Is best.
 Keeping store pay-not by any It is work There item of big Now for bargainsisten
The Birmingham age-herald., 1904-07-10

and saw the mmensity of the exposition buildings; the mammoth total of ex- hibits; the gradeur of the cascades, par ticularly at night; and the large number of state and national buildings, then realized what an infinitely small atom l was in the universe. It is marvel- ousy wrought collection and I consider myself fortunate to have been one of the many visitors within the gates of the fair
The Birmingham age-herald., 1904-07-10
DO AS ROMANS DO.
One of the Strange Effects of Life in
 Rome.

From the Century.
 The strangest thing about life in Rome is that one not only does as the Romans do, but ends by thinking as the Romans think. feeling as the Romans feel. The best illustration I know of this is the mental attitude of the foreign residents
The Birmingham age-herald., 1904-07-10
.ets b,,,a os cu,ver,s lake:

SttS DIUe dH NuIFV ' I"1N' He's weary of the glittern sight; he has
 q hcmesicl ache. But when that lady talked to me an
 treated me so white, It didn't seem minute till l wasn't sad
 a mite. An when I think it over now I'm ready
 for to swear That fine New Jersey buildin' is the best
 thing at the fair
The Paducah sun. [volume] (Paducah, Ky.) 1898-1906, 1904-11-14

they haven't got here yet"
Eyes, sah." said the darby. Use in
no huhhy; 1t amt ma first time; it'll
be de thud time dun been mahhied,
sab"
"oh. your third time, is III" ech-
oed Col. Dorian. "Well you ought
to be able TO get one at reduced rates.
Now, I'll tell you what you do. You
Just go over to the court house and
ask County Clerk Graham for a IL
cense. | understand his supply hasn't
run out, and he will probably make
you one for reasonable amount,
say about So. Don't let him charge
you more, though. First explain
that II is your third venture, and
that you amt willing to pay very
much this time for the privilege Of
getting into the matrimonial yoke
again"
"Yas, sah," drawled the darby.
"I'll tell i'm dat. boss. an obleeged
tow you. Ef he tempts to change
me ovah 81, I'll tell i'm nav. I'll
jes' wait ontwel day man roun dab to
dc city hall gifts a new stock
And he started for the courthouse.
The Paducah sun. [volume] (Paducah, Ky.) 1898-1906, 1904-11-14

Association of Press Humorists and
the Missouri Funeral Directors As
ISOLATION. Whether it is a mere ac-
cident that these two bodies hit up
on the same date. or a careful plan
to keep an equable temperature at
the fair in the frivolities as in other
things, does not appear from the
record. 1t is most fitting. in any
case. Just as the restaurant keeper
rejoices above all things when Mr..
Jack Spratt and his good wife come
to dine. knowing that he will be
paid for a separate set of dishes for
each one. so the diverse attractions
of the fair, from fine specimens of
stone cutting to roof gardens. should
find many patrons in the week when
grave and gay so amicably meet.
Another funny coincidence was
when the Water works Association
and the Brewers convention met the
same day. but not so funny as the
fact that the Kentucky Press Asso-
citation and the Gas Association
held conventions the same day.
The Paducah sun. [volume] (Paducah, Ky.) 1898-1906, 1904-11-14
Forgive Us Our Pressups.

Polly, aged six. had heard her
papa talking about the campaign and
she hurried off TO the nursery to tell
her dolls about the time she stayed
up to watch the election returns.
p AN 1t was JUS awful crowds and
awful crowds and awful crowds"
she said. AN just mems and wom-
ems and more mems. all a-hollering
like they was mad bout somethin'-
or maybe it was glad; don't know.
Me an my papa got mos pushed to
death and squeezed out of breath.
"An' found out right down there
in the street, my beautifuls. what the
good Lord meant when He put that
in His prayer for us we forgive those
that press up against us
The Paducah sun. [volume] (Paducah, Ky.) 1898-1906, 1904-11-14
THE "SPIT BALL"
rip" Egan Claims Il Was Mostly a
BLUFF.

There is plenty OF wild cat talk
now about changing baseball rules
and doing something to give the
batsmen more strength. The "spit
ball" has been in the limelight re-
Gently and something appears about
this bah every day.
RIP" Egan. the Louisville pitch
er. had a little tanning bee at De-
troit the other day. and he declared
that there is nothing to the ball any
more in the American Association.
lie says that batsmen have solved IL.
Columbus fans will bear out his
statement. Stricklett. the chief expo
nent of the ball. was not as effec-
tive as many other twirlers with a
good team behind him. Columbus
batsmen the second trip the Brew
ers made east we're scared to death
Of the "spit ball" The score book
shows where he was batted out Of
the box that afternoon. though, and
stricklett's spit ball" was not any
too effective the rest of the year.
Just a word on the spit bali"
talk It's the belief that batsmen Of
ten are afraid OF a pitcher using this
peculiar ball. and they 20 to the bat
believing that they cannot hit. which
often gives the pitcher an advantage
to start with. Returning to wild cat
and freak legislation the game is
about right as It is. and fans like the
close contests. say what they will TO
the contrary.
The final Minneapolis and st. Paul
series at Columbus saw each game In
doubt until the last man was out,
and but few runs were made. The
average attendance was larger than
any time during the year. That
shows whether close contests are ap-
preciated or not. Let the foul strike
rule be tackled n more batting is
wanted. That will help solve It with
out freak legislation.
The Paducah sun. [volume] (Paducah, Ky.) 1898-1906, 1904-11-14
SOME ODD NAMES FOUND
IN TOWNS IN KENTUCKY

bly, be well named If that county's
reputation that II was best to pro-
coed circumspectly be correct. The
inhabitants OF Angel. Whitley coun-
~. should certainly have good dispo-
sitions as well as those who live in
Halo, Logan county. Sweet. Bath
county, Is another town which ought
to be productive OF good living. In
contrast with these comes Ice. Letch-
or county. and Snow, Clinton county.
These two places are not in II with
Summer Shade. which is in Metcalfe
county. as that is a tolerably warm
place. Pomp. in Morgan county. has
its opposite in Poverty. which is in
Mclean county. The man who nam
ed Alone, I'm Metcalfe county, must
have been tired and lonesome when
he fixed this sad name to g.
Awe. in Lewis county. suggests a
subdued feeling while Faith in We
Lean county. and Hope. in Mont
gomery county. give one a sense OF
rest and confidence. II one does not
get all one wants there. one can
still go to Balm. in Fleming county,
and there find relief. Cash. in Har-
din county. and Coin. in Pulaski
county. suggest wealth. although
they are not towns In which capital
lists reside. Coy. In Marshall county
and Cyclone, in Monroe county
reach the opposite extremes. while
Jamboree. in Pike county. certainly
suggests a hilarious time. The fol
lowing are some Of the other names
which are out OF the ordinary:
Alpha. Clinton county; Backbone
Elliott county: Bar. Henry county
Barefoot. Nicholas county; Bet. Car
ter county; Blaze. Morgan county;
Bruin. Elliott county. Bud. Wayne
county: Bug. Hickman county: Buz-
zard. Pulaski county. Bush. Laurel
county: Choice. Clay county; Coal
Johnson county; Doorway, Owsley
county: Friedrich. Lewis county:
sideview. Montgomery county; Fed
Floyd county; Freedom. Barren
county: Stop. Grayson county. and
Wait. Wayne county.
The Paducah sun. [volume] (Paducah, Ky.) 1898-1906, 1904-11-14

officers, with the exception of one
who slipped in on false pretenses
with the assistance of a number of
foolish Republican votes. Missouri
will now boom. just as the markets
are booming, and the name of the
United States is booming the world
over. The great victory in this state
was gained over the crookedness OF
one of the most powerful machines
ever organized and one that held
control for a third of century. IL
is grand achievement, and won by
indomitable Missouri Republicans.
whom no defeat, not even thirty
years of it, could dishearten.-St.
Louis Democrat.
The Paducah sun. [volume] (Paducah, Ky.) 1898-1906, 1904-11-14
VAST SUMS.
That Go TO the Railroads for Moving
Crops.

The amount of money that will go
to the railroads for moving the prin-
cipal crops of the country grown
during 1904 is estimated at $685.
G44,O51. This estimate is the result
of a careful compilation made by the
traffic department Of one of the larg-
est railroad systems and submitted
for the consideration of men who are
influential in Wall street, and who
own either a controlling or sub
stantial interest in many Of the large
railroads east and west.
The object of the compilation was
to inform the railway magnates re-
garding the probable income of 1905
and the amount of equipment and
power that will be necessary to
transport the principal agricultural
products of the present year.
The total crop valuation is esti-
mated at So, 535, 100000. and If all
of It is moved it is shown that the
crops would fill 13.22O.9O0 freight
cars, which are now OF an average
capacity of thirty tons. II is also
shown that the transportation tax on
the whole amounts to about s per
cent of the valuation.
The Paducah sun. [volume] (Paducah, Ky.) 1898-1906, 1904-11-14

Kentucky is said to hold the rec
ord OF all states In the union for
towns with odd and unusual names,
and, judging from some OF these
names which we're discovered by the
stenographers at the Democratic
state campaign headquarters during
the past few weeks, this record
seems TO be well established and de-
served. says the Courler-Journal
One Of the stenographers. as she
came to an unusual name, would
write u down, and the resulting list
was something that one seldom sees
and would hardly be believed, yet
the Official gazetteer Of the postofiice
gives the names and is the authority
cited. During the campaign letters
were sent TO persons In every one OF
the towns which are on the list.
Eden. which Is In Butler county.
should properly come first in the
list OF towns, and Immediately after
e would logically come Adam. which
Is In Lawrence county Eve Is In
Green county. and Is a promising
place. although small. Gains Store
Il In Pulaski. and this Is the first
mention Of the way In which the
first child born to woman earned
his livelihood after the election from
the garden. Abel. the second son
born. IL In Laurel county. SO much
for the beginning. Having gotten
fairly started in the list. the follow
ing curious connection in names Is
TO be noticed;
Happiness Is peculiarly connected
with some OF the towns. at least as
far as the names go. even II the con
nections do not go further. One
ought certainly to be happy In Bliss.
which Is In Adair county, or In JOY.
Livingston county. and one certain
IS would not be sad II he lived In
Jolly. Daviess county. On the other
hand. one would not derive much
pleasure from iKIsting In town
which travels under the name Of
Blood. Blood in Galloway county.
and Is said o be an exceedingly
peaceable Tiy.
CautlI Clay county. may posi-
The Paducah sun. [volume] (Paducah, Ky.) 1898-1906, 1904-11-14
One Step to the Good.

The traveller stopped and looked
up along the steep New Hampshire
hillside. II was a perfect day for
garden work. but no day could be
exactly desirable for work in gar
den that tilted up into the air at an
angle of sixty degrees, so that a
plowhorse had to wear little stills
on his legs to keep him from falling
over the fence into the road. And as
the traveller watched and wondered,
the pillow. horse and driver came
nearer.
Poor mani" ejacu ated the on
locker.
"Oh, amt so burned poor" re-
torted the son of the Granite state.
And then he added in explanation;
81 don't own the blame land"
The Paducah sun. [volume] (Paducah, Ky.) 1898-1906, 1904-11-14
CROP CONDITIONS
FIGURES ARE BASED ON PRE-
LIMINARY RETURNS.
Corn, Buckwheat, Flaxseed, Pota-
toes and Tobacco Show In
crease Over Last Year.

Washington, Nov. 15.-Prelimina-
ry returns to the chief OF the bureau
OF statistics OF the department of
agriculture on the production of
corn in 1904 indicate a total yield
of about 2.453. 100000 bushels, or
an average OF 2G.7 bushels an acre.
as compared with an average of 25.5
bushels an acre as finally estimated
in 1903; 2G.S in 1902. and a ten
year average of 24.2 bushels.
The general average as to quality
is SG.2 per cent, as compared with
$40 last year, SO.7 in 1902, and
1871 in 1901.
II is estimated that about 4.6 per
cent of the corn crop OF 1903 was
still in the hands of farmers on No
vember 1. 1904. as compared with
so per cent of the crop of 1902 in
farmers hands on November 1, 1908.
10 per cent of the corn crop of 1901
in farmers hands on November 1,
1902, and 46 per cent of the crop Of
1900 in farmers hands on Novem-
Der /, 1901.
The preliminary estimate of the
average yield per acre Of buckwheat
is 1873 bushels against an average
yield of III in 1908. 1871 bushels
in 1902. and ten-year average Of
l7.9 bushels. The average for quail
ity is 91.3 per cent. against ola
last year. $751; in 1902 and 93.3 in
1901.
The preliminary estimate of tbs
average yield of fiaxseed is TO-.
bushels, as compared with final es
innate of ga bushels per acre II
1903 and rs bushels in 1902. The
average as to quality is 800 pei
cent. as compared with $40 one
year ago.
The preliminary estimate of the
average yield per acre Of potatoes is
11O.4 bushels against an average
yield of SAT- in 1908. 5000 bushels
in 1902 and a ten-year average Of
$40 bushels. The average as to quail
ity is GA per cent. as compared
with SG.4 per cent one year ago,
sO.4 in 1902 and 1874 in 1901.
The preliminary estimate of the
average yield per acre of hay is l.52
tons. against an average yield Of
1.54 tons in 1908. $50 tons in 1905
and ten-year average of 1875 tons
The average as to quality is 92.'
per cent, against 913 one year ago
S5.7 in 1902 and 913 in 1901.
The preliminary estimate of the
average yield per acre of tobacco IL
SO pounds, as compared with the
final estimate of 1868 pounds in
1903, 1888 pounds in 1902 and a
six-year average of 1907. The aver
age as to quality is S9.5 per cent as
compared with $50 one year ago.
The preliminary estimate Of the
average yield per acre of rough rice
is 32.1 bushels, against an average
yield of 32.7 bushels in 1908 and
27.3 bushels in 1902.
The report also includes fruits and
various minor crops, which will be
published in detail in the crop re-
ports.
The Paducah sun. [volume] (Paducah, Ky.) 1898-1906, 1904-11-14
worlds Fair Condolences.

The diversity of the st. Louis OK
position is thus dilated upon by the
Evening Post;
On the "Pike" at st. Louis we
see the Laplanders and the
Eskimos "just as they are in
their far-away homes in the frozen
North" rubbing elbows with the in
adequately clad natives of Dahomey
and Surinam. but the most inter
esting OF the contrasts which a uni
versal exposition affords appears
in the simultaneous meeting of the
The Paducah sun. [volume] (Paducah, Ky.) 1898-1906, 1904-11-14
NEW NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS.
Mr.. w. III. Bowman Begins His Work
With Green Distilling Company.

Mr.. w. II. Bowman, of Paducah,
began his work here yesterday morn
ing as secretary-treasurer of the
Green River Distilling company. He
comes to greensboro with an ex-
tended business acquaintance and
an experience in practical affairs
that viii make him very useful to
this prosperous company. His leay-
ing Paducah was generally regretted
there and called out generous press
notices OF him. Ne is accompanied
by his wife and Two children and
will make Greensboro his home
Greensboro Messenger.