The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1904-11-03
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Short Stori
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A Scotch gamekeeper, a great light
In one of the kinks, was asked the diff,
terence between the Free and the Unit
ed Free chuches. Give me the actu-
al difference in a simple form," the In
quirer requested, after a long lecture
from the gamekeeper. well, sir" said
John, IF you want it plainly, it is this;
Wen all be saved and they'll all be
damned"
"On very hot day, recently, two
'cullud gemmen' were chatting outside
my window" said Alex. S. Thweatt, of
the Southern Railway; zone was
bright mulatto, the other blacker than
stoye-polish. How yo' feel, AbeT ask
ed the mulatto, Kind O. warm, Jake
answered the darker chap; 'how's yo'-
se'f Right peart thank you,' said
the mulatto to his ebony-hued friend;
but say, Abe, yo' shore do hold yo'
color fust rate dis hot weatherr"
1t is not often that the stage aspi-
rant manages to reach the office OF
Wells Hawks, who is the right-hand
man of that Napoleon of theatrical
managers, Charles Frohman. OF
course, 1t was woman who did the
trick, the other day. She apparently
created fair impression, for the gen.
orally busy Mr.. Hawkes. asked her:
Are you married or unmarrledT" as
he prepared to book her application.
Unmarried four tlmesw was the re-
ply that startled the placid manager.
Justice David ]. Brewer, of the Su-
preme Court Of the United States, said
that the best way to reach the young
men is to send the young women after
them; that ever since the days OF Moth
er Eve they had been potent factor in
catching the elusive man, and that
they are as strong now as they ever
were. He told the story of the re-
liglous man who took his Bible in one
hand and his little son by the other,
and went for walk and instruction.
They came upon a bevy Of young girls
playing in the forest, and the boy ask
ed what they were. Geese, my son,
geese replied the father. "Oh, catch
me one, father; catch me one" cried
the boy.
Admiral Deweys favorHe story is
of an American army officer who, when
in Cuba, was extremely dissatisfied
with the cooking. He insisted that
the Cubans put sugar into everything
they cooked At last he announced
that he would eat nothing but boiled
eggs. "They can't sugar them," he
declared. SO he ordered them next
morning. But before he appeared at
the table, another officer had filled the
salt cruet with sugar. When the
Kicker" appeared, his eggs were
brought to him. He opened them with
a gloomy complacency, and sprinkled
over them plenty of the doctored salt.
At the first mouthful he turned pur-
pie. "Sugaredl Sugaredp' he exclalm-
ed, and rushed from the table.
A young man who was trying for
the sheepskin in Missouri, and who
had made a poor showing, was asked
by Senator Vest, one Of his examiners,
II he would like to be questioned fur
ther. II regret to say" remarked Mr..
Vest, "that you have failed to come up
to the maIE in the branches of law |
upon which we have examined you.
But" he added, in a most kindly spirit,
I'VE will question you further, II you
so desire" "Well, sir" responded the
applicant, II would suggest, II you
please. that l be questioned on the
statutes" At this Mr., Vest smiled,
sadly. my dear young man." added
he, II do not doubt that you're up on
The statutes but | do doubt that you
will succeed in the law. Suppose you
should have the utmost familiarity
with the statutes, what's to prevent
he legislature from repeating all you
Snow"