The semi-weekly messenger., 1904-08-12
BY f. p. Dunno.

& Coz
Dye know" said Mr.. Hennessy, '.ye
can go firm Chicago TO New York in
twinty hours? 1t must be like fiyin'."
Its something like fyin',' said Mr..
Dooley. but it's also like fallin' of a
roof or bein' dubbed be a polisman."
Its wonderful how LUXURIOUS mod
hren thrayel is" said Mr.. Hennessy.
''Oh, wondherful,' said Mr.. Dooley.
Its almost a dhream. Ye go to bed
at night in Kansas City an ar're still
awake in Chicago in tn mornin'. ie
lave New York to-day an mex Thurs
dah We ar're in San Francisco an
can't get back. An all tn time ye in
jye such comforts an iligances as wud
make tn Shah iv Persia invious il he
heerd iv thin. I haven't thraveled
much since / hastily put four thousan
miles iv salt wather an smilin' land
between me an tn constabulary but
I've always wanted to fly through space
on wan iv thin palace cars with tn
beautiful names. TIL man that names
tn Pullman cars an tn pa-aper collars
iv this country is our greatest pote,
whoiver he is. l cud see meSilf step
pin aboard a palace on wheels called
Obulula or Onarka an bein' fired fr IN
wan union deepo to another. so las
month whin a towny iv mine in saint
Looey asked me down there l detarnln-
ed to make tn plunge. With tn inv1-
tation come a fine conservative article
be tn gin'ral, passenger agent indivrin'.
Hinnissy, to give a faint idee iv IN
glories iv tn thrip. There was pitch
ers in this little pome showin' how tn
thrain looked to tn passenger agent.
Elegantly dhressed ladies an gintlemen
set in tn handsomely upholstered seats.
or sthrolled through tn broad a:sies.
Pierpont Morgan was disclosed in
corner dicta;in 4 letter TO Anonrsw
Carnaygie. In tn barber shop Jawn
D. ROCKEFELLER was bein' shaved. In
smokin' car We cud see a crowd iv jolly
men playin' poker; near by sat three
wags tellin' comic stories while a nay
CUR waither dashed to an fro an push
ed mint juleps into-th' fash 'nable COM
p'ny. Says 1 to mesif. Here is lie.
They'll have to dhrag me firm that roll
in home iv bliss feet foremost says l.
An I wint boundin' down to tn deepo.
I slung four dollars at tn prisidint 1v
tn road whin he had concluded some
important business with his nails an
he slung back a yard iy green paper
by which / surrindered me rights as
an American citizen. With this mere
deed in me hand, 1 wint through line
iv naughty gintlemen in unyform an
wan afther another looked at IN ticker
an punched a hole in it. Whh got
to tn thrain tn last iv these gr rreat
men says: Have ye got ticket" L
had says I. This porus plasther was
a ticket three minyits ago! Get
abroad says he, givin' me short,
frindlyIick an in a minyit l found
mesilf amid a scene iv oryental splen-
dhor an no place to put me grip sack.
II shtud dhrinkin' in tn glories iv tn
scene ontil a proud man who cud quai-
ify on color fr all his meals at tn white
house come up an ordhered me to bed.
Fond as am iv tn colored man, Hin
Missy, 1 wud sometimes wish that tn
summer styles in pullman porters was
more light an airy. 1t is thrue that
tn naygur porter is more durable an
doesn't show tn dirt but on tn other
hand, he shows tn heat more. Where,
says 1, do 1 sleep?' L don know where
We sleep, cap says he, but ye'er ticket
reads f'r an upper berth L wud prefer
a thrapeze,' says L but if yell call out
tn fire department, maybe they can
help me in 1 says. At that he pro-
iooced a scalin' laddher an tn thrain
goin' around a curve at that minyit,
soon found mesilf on me hands an
knees in wan iv tn coziest little upstairs
rooms We iver saw. He dhrew tn cur
tains an so will 1. But some day whin
am down town l am goin TO dhrop IN
on me frind tn prisidint iv tn Pullman
company an ask him to publish FEW
hints to tn wayfarer. l wud like TO
know how a gintleman can take on his
clothes while settin' on thin. 1t wud
help a good deal to know what to do
with tn clothes whin ye have squirmed
out iv thin. Ar-re they to be rolled up
| in a pail an placed undher tn head or
dhropped into tn aisle? Again, in tn
mornin' how to get into tn clothes
without THROWN tn thrain off tn
thrack? 1 will tell We confidintially,
| Hinnissy, that not bein' contorticn1st
| tn on'y thing 1 took off was me hat.
| '.Th' thrain sped on an on. l cuo
| not sleep. TIL luxury iv thrayel kept
me wide awake. Who wud coort
| slumber in such a coZy little bower?
| There were some that did it; 1 heerd
| Thin coortin'. But not 4. 1 lay awake
| while we flew on, I might say, bump
| ed through space. 1t seemed har
a minyit befure we were in Saint Looe-
1 1t seemed year. On an iver On !"
| flew past forest, river an plain. til
| lights burned brightly just owe. m
| left ear, tn wiCd.wS was op'c ar =,
| in tn hoarse. exultant Shrek iv IN %
| cymotive, tn conversation iv tn oag-
| gage man to tn heavy thrunk, tn
| bammy night air an GREAT purple
| clouds iv Illinye coal smoke. 1 took
| in enough iv this splindid proiIct il
| our prairie soil to qualify as = c1a
| yard. Be tn time tn sun peeked or
| jumped into me little roost, / wut' sc
| made cheerful CRATE FIRE an left q
| slight deposit iv r-red ashes. Tn
| mornin' came too soon. I caIlel me IL
| lusthrees almost Booker Wash'nton an
! with tn assistance iy tn step ladher
| tn bell rope an tn bald head iv tn
man in tn lower berth, bounded light
| " out iv me little nook an rose fr'r
tn flure with no injury worse thin .
| sprained ankle. I thin walked tn Ions
| an splindid aisle f1anked be gintlemer
| who were writhin' into their clothin
| an soon found mesilf in tn superb