Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1904-11-04
Mistsllansous Rtading.
NOTABLE FLASHES OF WIT.

WI HDI6 FINSHGS VI WIZ
Some Sayings at Which Whole coun.
tries Have Laughed.
The striking Of mind upon mind in
duel of words leads to brilliant
flashes Of wit, comparable to the
sparks struck from the flint by the
cleaning steel. Many such scintilla-
tions of witty reply or sharp, sudden
retort are imbedded in literature
where nevertheless, they retain much
Of that unstudied grace and conversa-
tional form which smack Of their orr
gin. Here are some clever replies and
retorts that history says are accurate:
Cicero. the great Roman orator, had
a ready wit. Upon one occasion, at a
dinner, the host offered Cicero some
inferior Falernian wine, saying. 1T
is 40 years old" To which Cicero re-
piled, 1T bears Its age we'll"
The French are famous for their
jeux d'esprit. 81 was mounted on the
very smallest mule in the world" said
Bassompiere. French ambassador to
Spain. as he described his entry into
Madrid. AM" exclaimed his auditor.
Henry w, what an amusing sight. to
see the biggest ass mounted on the
smallest mulei" II was Your Majes-
ty's representative" was the sharp re-
joinder. E
To Frenchmen Of later period be-
long these spirited bits Of repartee.
An advocate greeted voltaire with
high-sounding fattery: "1 salute,
thee, oh light Of the world" The ia
nous writer replied, Madame Denis,
bring the snuffers." Talleyrand, the
far-sighted minister Of Napoleon, was
asked by man who squinted: How
are things going in the political
world?" The diplomat answered.:
"As you see!"
In the time Of Charles II in England.
in an age Of wits, the grand master Of
the art of retort was the crippled first
Earl of Shaftesbury. "Shaftesbury,
said the king to him one day: 1 be-
lieve that thou art the wickedest dog
In all my dor1inions." "Of a subject,
Sire. 1 believe am" was the reply.
While speaking against the test bill
in the House of Lords the Earl over
heard an indolent churchman say, II
wonder when he will have done
preaching" The orator whispered loud
enough to be heard by all. when I
am made bishop, my Lord"
DR.. Garth. witty physician Of the
court Of Queen Anne, had prescribed a
nauseous dose for the great warrior,
Duke Of Marlborough. When the duke
objected to following the directions
the sharp -tongued Duchess Sarah
broke in by saying, It'll be hanged If
it does not cure you." There, my
Lord" interposed Garth, you had bet
ter swallow 1t; you will gain either
way"
The frequent collisions Of lawyers In
the courtroom sharpen their wits, so
that many Of the best examples of re-
partee come from the gentlemen of
wig and gown. Lord Mansfield, the
famous English judge Of the second
half Of the eighteenth century, listened
to an argument Of the insolently proud
Sir Fletcher Norton, upon a case in
volving certain manorial rights. "N
Lord" said Norton. II can instance the
point in person. Now, I have myself
two little manors." I'VE are well
aware Of that" said the Judge, smil-
Ing kindly.
do you see anything ridiculous in
my wig?" said judge to the famous
Irish barrister, John Curran. Moth
ing but the head" flew back the re-
tort.
The late Chief Justice Russell was
hearing a trial for bigamy. Whats
the extreme penalty for bigamy?'
whispered barrister. 1.-TWO mothers
in-law," said Russell.
Samuel Foote was one Of the read
lest English wits Of the eighteen
century. A physician Of Bath told him
that he had a mind to publish his own
poems, but he had so many irons In
the fire he did not know well what to
do. "Then take my advice, DOCTOR
said Foote. land put your poems where
your irons are"
Being at the dinner table one day
when the wine was poured out in very
small glasses, Foote listened to the
hosts profusion of remarks concern.
ing the excellence of the wine, It's age,
etc. But you don't seem to relish it,
Foote," said the host, "by keeping your
glass so long before you." "Oh, yes,
my lord, perfectly we'll. I am only ad-
miring how little 1t is, considering its
great age"
Foote and the great actor, David
Garrick, were supping together, when
Foote, in pulling out his purse to pay
the reckoning, dropped a guinea and
could not find it again. Where the
deuce" says Foote, "can 1t be gone
to-" Gone to the devil, suppose, u
says Garrick. "Well, said David;
you are always what took you for
ever contriving to make a guinea GO
further than any other man."
Returning from dinner with a lord
of the admiralty, Foote was asked by
friend what sort of a time he had
had. VERY Indifferent, indeed" he
said. Bad company and a worse din
ner." II wonder at that" said the
friend, "as 1 thought the admiral q
good, jolly fellow" why, as to that
he may be a good sea lord, but take II
from me, he is q very bad landlord"
Although the profession Of the la"
saams to be especially conducive tc