The Lamar register. [volume] (Lamar, Colo.) 1889-1952, 1904-09-28
[E|s s'Ss47 !!
~ BYRON WILLIAMS
An Editorial "send Off,"

M EolkOTldt SCu0 Wiz
Jest erbout now down in or Mis-
soury. tn same bein' atween haydn
and huskin', tn kentry papers be eff
tervescin' with spekilashun!
The way hearn it, one o. them
.har newspaper fellers what has allus
been a wumeran teetotlar an 9
mocker O. PONIES O. pashun', up and
gifts innocerlated with that thar loves
fitful fever twelve miles frum a body
sr acquer purer. an his autymobeeI
tire punchured!
Seem tibet he's surrounded by tn
enemy's arms, he throws hisself intel
tn face O. providence (thet not bein
her name). locks the gates behind
him an gifts shot whar it'll do him
tn most good!
Reference is made ter Brother Hank
Somers. him as edits that thar noos
paper over at Sasafras Corners, and
Miss Henriette Seiders. the school
marin. her as whom we bow ter In
spite O. our rheumatic an tight fittin
overalls!
Frum now on she's his'n an he's
bern, an II he don't split Their kin
dim as he oughter. all she's got t
do is ter lay down tn law an ther
statootes therein provided!
And tharby hangs err tale, as tn
meat kleaver said t. TIL chopin
block after Their dorg had passed
through tn skissage faktury! But
lest why them Missoury editurs should
IA H. ;c 7 Ii,
every man. no matter how he's bin
BLOWN his foghorn. gifts sumbody sum
day t put linseed poltises onto his
nuralgy. provided he don't wait Sc
long TIL bait gifts all dried up an omen
ticin' no more!
Fer years now Brother Hank has
bin putin his own cat out nights an
goin' round braggin' tibet no wumeran
everd git him cornered inter a mess
o. chippendale ferniture in his stockin'
feet! No. stree!
Ev'ry time er good-lookin' wum-
Grand come proselitin' Ground his
bailerwick. he'd sic Their office dorg
onto her an take fer TIL bowels O. his
sanktum sanktorium, scarder than a
gopher what he'd got his tail decap-
ertated in err steel trap!
But tn good Lord knows best, an
one day Brother Somers he seen a
wumeran tibet set tn whole dummed
universe t. singin' "Bedelia." an SIGH.
like poplar musk! Then he begin ter
quotin' potry. killed his dorg an got
religiouser'n all git OUT
Well, t. make long story some
less'n a spool err rope. he up an got
married an they do say down in Mis-.
soury he dun erbout right considerin'
tn gal, exceptin' he oughter seasoned
Their wind t. Their shorn lamb sost all
tn boys wouldn't swallowed ther
stoar teeth gaspin' fer surprise when
tn weddin' bells Is: ter doin' TIL
ding-ding!
When they went on Their tower they
cum by the great lakes. somehow eI
-uther. to Shicago. They cum by
water sosts they could be seasick in
each others arms fur the fust (and
last) time! Well. him wantin' Z show
her OFF ter excuse hisself fer moi
askin' our opinion. he brung tn lady
Ground fer our inspeckshun. We .aint
got nuthin' t say. bein' as how he
seen her fust. exceptin' tibet she's q
bit O. femerninity tibet makes a Teller
think o. TIL time when his oil wum.
eran said II will" and he wilted. She's
tn kind err joolry tibet amt goin' t
let her oil man git loansum wastin'
his affekshuns on no dorg!
Well. agin', Their boys all erlong TIL
line sort er got out an handed 'em
bokets with one hand and tied a can
t. EN- with the other hand, Jest T. make
'em remember what twas they WI,
celebratin'. Down t. st. Joseph. Mis-
soury. Bill Williams. bein' no relation
O. ourn and probly glad Of it. he put
er bell onter 'em and scared 'em over
tn state line inter tn hands of Ernest
MoGaffey. him bein' no respecter oil
newly married folks hisself. After
fritnin' tn life most outen 'em show.
in 'em whar tn tunnel caved in and
whar tn Masonic Temple turned
round, we cast EN- lose ter cavori
srbout till Their money Civ out!
Then we got EN- aboard editoria.
milne and sent 'em back t. Missoury
Here's hopin' tibet nothin' never will
git atween that thar love o. thern an
Them OF Missoury sunsets, whar tn
roses is painted on the varikolored
background in glorious splendor! An
may they allus read in each uthers
eyes tibet: "Whomsomever lives true
life is boun' ter love true Lowell"
This bein' erbout tn wust thet's bin
lone t. 'em, we bein' all busted VI
with brain rheumatic, we're hopin'
this'll hold ON fer awhile.
UNCLE BY.