Lincoln County leader. [volume] (Toledo, Lincoln County, Or.) 1893-1987, 1904-04-08


ombiav-Punch.
Your symptoms, madam, indicate
jaundice." "Jaundice? But, doctor, 1
haven't suitable dress for thatp'-
Fliegende Blatter.
whats in here?" asked the tour
ist. Remains to be seen," responded
the guide, as he led the way into the
morgue-Columbia Jester.
A Dollar Earned: Judge (sarcastic-
ally)-Did you ever earn dollar in
your life? Vagrant-Oh, yes; voted
for your honor once!-Puck.
Dolly Swift-He called me his dear
little lamb. Sally Gay-What then?
Dolly Switch, then he gathered
me into the fold.-Smart Set.
Tourist-Some people from the
East might not like 1t out here. West
erner-Well, stranger. they'd find
trains runnin' both ways.-Ex.
"Whar you reckon de happy lam is?"
"It's way back yander, at de place you
passed so long ago en- didn't know you
wuz at itw-Atlanta Constitution.
Adoring Bride-Jack, darling, is this
Wednesday or Thursday Doting
Groom think it's Friday, dearest.
Adoring Bride-Of this week ?-Life.
Mama-Bobby, have you been fight
ing? Bobby-Only little bit. Mama
How did that happen? Bobby-Oh,
the boy 1 licked wasn't much Of a
| fighter.-Chicap 90 News.
Grace, can you tell me what is
meant by a cubic yard?" 81 don't
know exactly, but 1 guess it's yard
that the Cuban children play in
Boston Christian Advocate.
Experience: Mrs. Frienderly-But,
honestly, what was your real reason
for refusing her dinner invitation?
Mrs. Charplor-Experience 1 used to
have her cook.-Brooklyn Life.
Elsie-There's a man at the door,
pa, who says he wants to 'see the boss
Of the house." Father-Tell your
mother. Mother calling down stairs)
Tell Bridget.-Philadelph Press.
A Critical Summary: what do you
think Of that writer's work." "Oh,"
answered Miss Cayenne, "he has said
two or three clever things, and several
thousand others" s."-wnshington Star.
Wife-You don't mean to tell me
that Professor Addle has been struck
dumb? Husband-Yes, last night. And
master Of seven languages. wife-Is
it possible that he was struck dumb in
all seven?
Jarrold-What did that diamond
cost that you gave Dolly for Christ
mas? Harold-Well, 1 gave $40 for
the stone, and $40 to the clerk to tell
Dolly it cost 5000 If she brought II
back to price It!
Really" said Mrs. Oldcastle, "your
little dinner last night was quite re.
cherche." "Oh, dear" her hostess
groaned, II just knew that new cook
would make a botch of it some way"
Chicago Record-Herald.
Little Amzi (who has an inquiring
mind)--Uncle Timrod, what's bonan.
"a? Farmer Neckwhiskers painfully
experienced)-A bonanza, durn it. is q
hole in the ground, owned by liar
That's what bonanza is!-Ex.
Ernie-I saw you automobiling with
Fred yesterday. You looked as though
your heart was In your mouth. Ida
No wonder. The automobile was goinf
sixty miles an hour and Fred was pro
posing at the same time.-Chicagt
News.
Unendurable: "Deah boy, Is 1t tru
that you have discharged your valet? /?
"Ya-as, the doosid scoundrel was to,
fresh! When 1 took him out with m
: he managed to make people think h
was the mastah and I was the man
baw Joveg'-Chicago Tribune.
Perdita-It doesn't matter If this Il
the third installment Of the story. TIL,
synopsis is printed telling how tn
= first chapters went; so you can star
reading 1t from here. Penelope-Yes
but how stupid Of them not to hav'
!, the synopsis tell how 1t ends!-Judge
o did you have a pleasant voyage2
@ "No," sighed the beautiful American
n heiress. "It was one Of the saddles
n experiences Of my life. There wer
a two counts and duke aboard, blu
!. the weather was 40 rough that the.
:. never came out Of their rooms."-Chi
q cago Record Herald.
], Reporter-How were you impresse,
q by the European cities you visited
q Distinguished Traveler-They are mar
4 vels of cleanliness, sir. To return (,
i one of our cities after being abroad 4
| ItLa onp,fng hacb IN haypap Do