davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1904-02-14
HISTORIC PUNS
Famous Events Commemorated by Plays Upon Words.
BY HUBERT M. SKINNER.

"A LII the most august, the most
~ sublime, the most charming Of hui
mainly, and, perhaps, outside Of hui
manity, have made puns," says Victor
Hugo Jesus Christ made pun on
st. Peter, Moses on Isaac, Aeschylus
on Polynices, Cleopatra on Octayius.
And observe that Cleopatra's pun pre-
ceded the battle Of Actium. and that,
had it not been for 1t. no one
would have Remembered the city of
Toryne, a Greek name, which signided
a ladle."
1t is rather odd that Hugo failed. to
mention in this connection the pun Of
St. Paul, in his "epistle to Philemon.
ePhilemon,s slave, whose name was
Profitable, had escaped and made his
way to Rome, where he was converted
under the preaching of st. Paul. The
latter sent the fugitive back to his
master, but gave him a letter, implor-
ing kind treatment for him. TO put
Philemon in good humor st. Paul
starts off by remarking that the slave
has been improbable. The pun is
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1904-02-14

restaurant that way over on Wabasha
street. There was a little slant 10 the
sidewalk just as you went in. l never
missed t.
Its even easier to feel persons befora
you touch them Whenever l go to cor
ner to catch a car / can always tell If
anybody is standing there, no matter how
quiet they keep. Then l ask EN- to stop
my car for me. To tell person YOU
usually have to get within three or four
feet of him.
"But I have friend, R. C. Gust, of
Cyrus, Mimi. who is totally blind. He
can feel things so easily without touch
ing them that he never carries cane;
could walk all around a strange city with
out the least trouble
Mr.. Branch confirmed this theory-that
it is possible to feel the presence of noise
T.. less, inanimate objects, and to estimate
low far distant they may be.
Every body-even seeing people, he OBJ
served, somewhat condescendingly. can
feel the presence of a person. People talk
Of magnetic influence and all that But
we feel just as quickly when he are ap-
preaching a building or a post-any fairly
solid object that stands four or i've feet
or higher above the ground.
Il have theory that what we really
feel is the compressed air. Perhaps tho
air is thrown up against solid OBJECTS 50
that it rebounds and feels more solid
offers more resistance than ii does out IN
the open. Now, I can see trifie in the
daylight, but not at all on a dark night.
Yet 1 never run into anything, unless It's
much lower than my waist. Then, think.
the air moves freely over the fence, wall
or whatever it is, and 1 can't feel thu
air surf
Can Read Character.
Still another advantage that the blind
enjoy is the faculty of determining
strangers character by his voice. Here
we can do better than seeing folks, l be-
lieve," says Mr.. Linehan. Its very sell
dom we don't detect a tricky, insincere
man or woman. They may guess we judge
their voices. In fact, they usually try to
make what they say sound so honest that
they overdo it, and we notice the exag-
geratIon. Mind you. it isn't the words
they use that count-not the ideas; sim
ply the tone of the voice.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1904-02-14
ata1ataataoca1otaoteoonnao

not necessary to enable anybody to mas
ter the business; it was more a matter Of
applica ton, l commended. But he said
that, in practice, seeing tuners don't do as
well even as they might. AT the piano
factory where l used to work. he said
we had several seeing tuners and three
that were blind. These three were adj
mitted to be the best. They not only had
a keener sense Of pitch, but they were
more careful and conscientious in the lit
tie details that make high grade work
still higher. I ina gine that they make a
habit Of concentrating themselves more
than we do, just as we seeing people
close our eyes when we try to think hard.
Has Its Disadvantages.
"Well, a sharp ear has its disadvan-
tages,' continued Mr.. Linehan, "even for
a musician. 1 rarely go to an amateur
concert without getting several short
sharp shocks from false notes. The great
professionals, of course, aren't likely to
blunder. Kubelik accuracy, like Ysaye's,
Is one of their destinations. l play the
violin myself and realize the difficulties.
But possibly a good many of the people
that heard Adele Aus Der Ohe recently
were not as surprised as 1 was al her
mistakes in LISTS 'Taraptelle Bravaura.
Something may have made her nervous"
Hearing musical sounds, and hearing
them with truly painful accuracy at
times is not the most curious of Mr.
Linehan's attachments. He can also hear
solids silent solids at that Il mean"
he explains, that 1 can hear a build
ing when I'm near it, or lamp-pos or
telegraph pole. Maybe l shouldn't say
hear these things-feel them would be
better expression, perhaps. But l don't
touch them and the impression I get of
their being near NE seems usually TO
come through my ears, though it's not at
all definite.
Can "FeeP Presence of Objects.
How can a blind man follow straight
line along the middle Of a sidewalk? He
does it. of course; you may have noticed
1T. And that's my explanation. l hear,
or feel the presence of the line of build
irgs along the sidewalk. Without touch
ing them with my cane, can tell how far
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1904-02-14

lost in the English by the use of the
Greek word for the name, which was
Onesimus.
Every one has heard how ST. Greg
Dry the great pope of a later period,
beheld the handsome captives from
Angle-land (England) for sale in the
Roman market place, and exclaimed,
Non Angli, sed angelr'-not Angles
but angels. Describing the immaculate
John Alden, LongfelIow says, in his
"Courtship Of Miles Standish:"
Fair haired, azure-e eyed. with delicate
Saxon complexion,
Having the dew of his youth, and the
beauty thereof, as the captives
Whom. st. Gregory saw, and exclaimed.
Not Angles, but angels.
st. Louis. when king Of France
changed the name Of a race by a clever
pun. Learning of the horrible atroci-
ties of the great Tatar, Genghis
Khan, he prayed that the Tartars
might be hurled back to their Tar
tarean abodes. In all the centuries
since we have called these people Tar
tars. But now comes a professor Of
the University of Chicago. H. P. Jud-
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1904-02-14

away am from the buildings on one side
or the lamp posts, telegraph poles and
euro signs on the other side. If get out
into wide street, an open lot, or a field
in the country, l can't tell which way I'm
going. ] wander round and round, turning
either way, to the right or the left.
The IeeI of the buildings is oue guide
in the street; it isn't the end of cane.
People make a mistake when they ask
how we can recognize the middle of
sidewalk with cane. We don't There's
&c mystery about it. All reasona lly level
sidewalks or pavements of the same ma
tt ial feel alike naturally. In winter time,
when snow covers everything, cane is
still more unreliable
But very heavy snow, that forms drifts
at certain points. is of some use, and any
unusual slant to the walk is also a first
rate guide. 1 remember 1 used to find a
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1904-02-14

tor. I have been an operator for TWEEN
ty-seven years, and can tell a tired
wire the moment my finger touches
the key.
THE only rest our wires get is on
Sunday. They actually sleep from
twelve to twenty hours between mid
night Of Saturday and s o'clock Mon
day morning-just as / do.
1.-THE rest does 'em a world Of good.
On Monday morning they are quick to
respond. They actually grasp at the
message greedily.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1904-02-14

son. in his History of the Nineteenth
of the word, designating the race as
"Tatars."
Queen Elizabeth relished a good pun.
1t is said that when the great Armada
was put to flight the victory was an
nounced to her in a single Latin word
which Is familiar to all. 1t was Can
tharides'-the Spanish fly
When Sir Charles Napier defeated
the Hindus in the great battle near
Hyderabad, in 1S43, it is said he an
nounced his victory in the word so fire.
quenly used in Latin prayers and
hymns, "Peccavi'-I have sinned
(Scinde)- At all events, the vast prov
ince Of Scinde was then annexed to
the British empire. r1
A French commander in Algeria, who
had allowed a Moorish chief to escape
from him. was not outdone in wit. He
made the announcement, "Perdidi
diem"-I have lost a day (Dey).
One Of the mournful tragedies OF
the middle Of the last century was
the needless and awful massacre OF the
people of Paris, who, after some days
of 1851, came out on the streets of
the city with no hostile intent toward
the new government.
One of the chiefs Of the military &c
Is said, came to Marshal st. Almond TO
receive orders, and the marshal was
taken with a violent fit Of coughing.
Ma sacre toux!" he exclaimed in dis
gust (My id cough. The officer un-
derstood him to give the order, MAS
sacrez tous! "-Massacre all
This may seem a far-fetched ex-
PLANTATION or excuse for the indefensible
butchery, but 1t is the best and only
one that has ever been offered.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1904-02-14
YES, I saw you come in-that is,
felt Won -

YES, 1 saw you come in-that is,
" mean, felt YOU
And if seeing is believing, so feel
ing may be seeing. The speaker be-
lieved what he felt. Like most blind men,
he could feel quickly and surely a great
deal that other men see. That's the way
we make our living" added John j. Line
han, piano tuner, talking the other day
in his "tunery," to-wit, his tuning room,
at the piano department of w. ]. Dyer 81
BIOS Music store, 2123 West Fifth street.
That's the way, no doubt, that Mr.. Line
han and two other local piano tuners make
very comfortable livings. BY taking ad-
vantage of the improvement in remaining
senses that follow, as compensation, the
loss of one sense, three blind residents
Of St Paul have mastered an Independent
and profitable vocation Other residents,
indeed who labor under the same diSad
vantage, prove the ability of-the educated
blind 10 outrival in the economic strug-
gle a multitude Of seeing" competitors.
But the blind tuner is a better tuner.
AT least most people in the business
think So says Mr. Linehan, and among
my own acquaintances there are three
blind tuners who have absolute PITCH
that is, they have trained their hearing
so well that they can give you the nota-
ton for any musical note whenever they
hedi H. Draw d COW over d 'iOhI StlHiS'
strike Il note on the piano, guitar harp,
organ blow flute or clarinet sing some
thing, from coon song or an oratorio.
and these men can Say at once whether
the first note was E natural or B fat.
Seeing tuners can do the same thing
sometimes. but it's not as common
thing with them as it is with us. Yes, l
have absolute pitch myself.
''The men l refer to are c. T. Gleason,
of AZ Summit avenue-hes out of town
just now; II. A. Nerby, of Minneapolis,
and u. ]. Eichinlaub, of Faribault. OF
course, / don't know all the tuners here
i suppose it's true that we are rather
better than the seeing tuners said VIII
liam n. Branch. blind tuner living at
98l Margaret street. Some time ago I
was disputing the question with a seeing
tuner. 1 said that sight was certainly
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1904-02-14
MQ0HN9

bault''
After few seasons On the concert
stage MI Linehan became tuner at
ms birthplace, Minneapolis, In 1891, for
the Mehlln Piano company. He removed
oeeh employed by w. J. Dyer & Bro
Mr.. Branch returned to St. Pan1 from
Faribault in 1873. Soon afterwards he be-
gan practice" as a private tuner.
Ieel IKE telling YOU added Mr. Line
han, that the public generally doesn't
understand this matter of tuning. They
imagine that good piano ought to NAV
IN tune Tor several years and that when
1t loses pitch. any competent tuner ought
to restore it to condition on the first at
tempt
AS matter of fact. no piano, whatever
its quality. wiz stay in tune six months
Cold air or dry air contracts the wood
OF the sounding board, of the pin block
that the strings are fastened to, and Of
the bridge that the strings cross. Warm
air or damp air, expands the wood. The
metal parts are affected by temperature
bat not So much. Dampness swells espe-
cially the joints. so to speak. on which
the hammers move and makes the action
stiff.
In this state. where the weather va
res 80 greatly during the year, and where
q piano IS likely to have an open window
at one end of it and a sizzling steam
radiator at the other, pianos ought to be
tuned four times a year.
And In case the strings must be pulled
up from one quarter to half a tone. they'll
be sure to stretch. Then they should be
tuned a second time in about two weeks.
"But people ignore or forget these facts.
am called to attend 5000 or $500 piano
that seems TO be suffering l run my hand
over the keyboard and SILVER.
" You see. the owner will say, it
doesn't sound quite right
Ono I'll agree. politely. 1T certainly
doesn't When was it tuned ast?'
Why she'll answer with a sort OF
There nOw air'-'why, 1t was put in per-
feet order only three years ago.!
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1904-02-14

Speaking of character" says Mr.
Branch. I'VE find women much more
obliging than men. and children more
obhging than women. Funny-but care
less, impudent kids, as you'd suppose
they'd be, never forget their manners
when we ask them to find a street num-
Der or stop a car. Why, down on Seventh
street I've often had little newsies run up
to me and say: Cars a-comin', mister;
let me take you cross the street,
I'm fact, during all the twenty-five or
thirty years I have walked around ST.
Paul. 1 never had child refuse to
help me. It's a common thing for men
to say: I haven't got time
1t is seldom, however, that either Mr..
Linehan or Mr.. Branch require assist
ance. I'VE can usually get on alone -
says Mr.. Linehan; but it's a mistake to
imagine that little help won't be appre-
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1904-02-14

to San Francisco? Don't you suppose
they ever get tired?"
The person addressed was inclined
to smile family at the suggestion.
I'm serious" continued the opera
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1904-02-14
YOUNG MEN
WITH UNNATURAL DRAINS

Your hands are sweaty and clam
my; dark circles about your ewes.
your sleep does not rest you. YOU
get up feeling tired, you have ca
tarrh, bad breath. palpitation Of
the heart, trembling, unaccounta-
bic, uncomfortable fear, sweaty
feet. cowardice, blurred eyesight,
dizziness and many other almost
unbearable symptoms. Young man,
that must be stopped at once. Don't
wait another day. Come to me.
can and will cure you. ConsuIta-
ton FREE.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1904-02-14
LOST MANHOOD
NERVOUS DEBILITY WEAKNESS

Are you less vigorous than you used
to be? Do you lack the ambition a
MAN ought to have? Pain across the
small Of the back, failing memory, loss
of courage, shun society, unaccount-
able fear, cowardice, wandering mind,
weakness. Beware! If you have any
or all of these symptoms you must
know that vital and mental weakness
Is the cause of more domestic trouble
more divorce cases and suicides-than
all other diseases put together. Come
to me and let me make a MAN Of you.
At very little cost l can give you
life cure.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1904-02-14
Did You Know That the
Telegraph Wires Tired?

CsN on are tired, eh?" said the tele-
graph operator. Perhaps there
are other persons-and things
that get tired, too. What about this
instrument here and this wire that runs
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1904-02-14
BLADDER

All cases instantly relieved of
painful and difficult urination.
Cystitis. sediment in the urine,
pains across the back, catarrhal
discharges. prostatitis cured with
out operation, and cured quickly.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1904-02-14

There are several good things for you
among The Globes Paying Wants"
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1904-02-14

'sing Three of the Five Events to Her Competitor

the Ware Annual Prizes Decided Carleton
n @@SG %&a
nd Of
two
h%ash%S
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1904-02-14
STRUCTURE

Cured to stay cured by my painless,
conservative treatment No cutting,
pain, forcing or other barbarous meth
DDS used. And leaves the canal clear
and free for passage of urine. Cure
guaranteed.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1904-02-14
BLOOD POISON

If you have aches and pains, mucous
patches in mouth. sore throat, pimples,
copper-coiored spots, sores or ulcers
on any part of the body or limbs, hair
blood poison that the Master Special
list at the Heidelberg Medical In
stitute cures. We solicit the most OBJ
stinate cases in their most aggravated
stages. The blood and system Is thor
oughly cleansed and freed from every
time than at any hot springs in the
world. Consultation and advice free
at the office or by mail. My price for
complete cure is reasonable. Get cured
and place yourself out Of danger, as
well as your friends and children to
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1904-02-14
LIFE EATING VARICOCELE

Cured in one visit without the knife
by the Heidelberg Medical Institutes
Painless Conservative Treatment for
small outlay of money. Cure guar
anteed.
The Paducah sun. [volume] (Paducah, Ky.) 1898-1906, 1904-04-15
Exploded in the Lads Face With
Fearful Effect.
Kentucky Matters From Many Quar-.
tiers Found in Today's Budget
of News.
PADUoAHAN WEEDS IN MURRAY

Mayfeld, KY, April 15-Otis Sut.
ton and Grid Hudspeth, 10 years old
lads living two miles north Of the
city, secured four ounce vial con-
tanning gunpowder and dug . hole in
the ground about 10 inches deep. They
placed the powder in the hole and
dropped large rock inside to break
the bottle. Then they threw coal Of
FIRE into the captivity andstepped back
ward few feet to await the result.
Otis Sutton could not wait and went
to the hole and placed his face to it
and began to blow against the coal Of
FIRE. His efforts were not in vain for
the powder flashed in his face with
the roar of . cannon and the little fell.
low was fearfully burned on the face
and eyes. The ball of his eyes were
painfully burned and he may be blind
for life.
The Paducah sun. [volume] (Paducah, Ky.) 1898-1906, 1904-04-15
l.. w. Johnson, Who Disappear
ed From White Plains, Dead
The Body Found in Illinois and Marks
on it Indicate Foul
Play.
he WAS PROBABLY INSANE

The mystery Of the sudden dissp-
pear>nce of Lewis II. johnson, Of
White Plains, KY, seems to have
been solved. He was last seen by
friends about Central City, KY, and
his actions indicated he was dement,
ed.
The next heard of him was when
the following dispatch was yesterday
sent out:
"Tuscola, ILL.,, April lS-There is
much mystery surrounding the finding
of the body of a man in a cornfield
near Tuscola today. On his person
we're found papers bearing the name
Lewis II. johnson, White Plains, Ky.
Also certificate of deposit for sll2
on the Morton bank OF Madisonville,
KY, and two express money orders for
t26 and $50, issued at West Ridge,
ILL.,, February 8. 1904. The maa is
known here. His age was about 80
and he had sandy hair. From marks
found on the body 1t is probable that
he was murdered.
johnson disappeared in February
aud his whereabouts had since been a
mystery to his relatives, who had in
stituted q diligent search for him.
He was brother of Miss Ida John
son, of Hopkinsville, and had many
other relatives in Southwest Ken.
lucky.
The Paducah sun. [volume] (Paducah, Ky.) 1898-1906, 1904-04-15
BALD HEADS
COW COVERED
With Luxuriant hairand CruSted
ScaIps CIeansod and
Purified by
CUTICURA SOAP
Assisted by Light Dressings Of
Cuticura, the Great Skin Cure.

This treatment at once stops falling
hair, removes crusts, scales and dam
druf, destroys hair parasites, soothes
irritated, itching surfaces, stimulates
the hair follicles, loosens the scalp skin,
supplies the roots with energy aud nour-
ishment, and makes the hair grow upon
a sweet, wholesome, healthy scalp when
all else falls.
Millions now rely on Cuticura Soap,
assisted by Cuticura Ointment, the
great skin cure, for preserving, purify
ing and identifying the skin, for cleans
ing the scalp of crusts, scales and
dandruff, and the stopping OF falling
hair, for softening, whitening and
soothing red, rough and sore hands, for
baby rashes, feelings and chafngs. for
annoying irritations, or too free or
offensive Precipitation, for lucrative
weaknesses, and many sanative, anti
septic purposes which readily suggest
themselves, as well as for all the pur-
poses of the toilet and nursery.
Complete treatment for every humour,
consisting Of Cuticurs Soap, to cleanse
the skin, Cuticura Ointment, to heal
the skin, and Cuticura Resolvent Pills.
to cool and cleanse the blood, may now
be had for one dollar. A single set Is
often sufficient TO cure the most tortur-
ing, disnguring, itching, burning and
scaly humours, eczemas, rashes and
irritations, from infancy to age, when
all else fails.
SOFA nrcughout the world. cu,ieur Rssolysnt, sc.
Ointpsspt SOC, Soap. is. Dspoe London. 2 Chatter
houss "a Paris Hue de Ia Pain Boston. ~ Columbus
Ave Potter Drug Chem. Corp. sols Proprietors.
sr send for sHev TO cure Every Aumoar." and
sHov 70 Have Beautiful Hair"
The Paducah sun. [volume] (Paducah, Ky.) 1898-1906, 1904-04-15
VERY STRENUOUS
ARE EFFORTS TO RID HIGH
SCHOOL OF PARASITES.

Superintsnd dent O. M. Leib, Of the
Paducah public schools, stated this
morning that the swallow and bat
parasites discovered in the High school
Building several days ago are being
hard fought. but do. not seem TO de-
crease in number as rapidly as the au-
thorities and teachers would like to
have them.
Today one session was held in this
building and heroic fumigation is be-
ing conducted by the janitor and
superintendent. Ov,r one hundred
and fifty pounds Of sulphur, which is
supposed to be sure death to such
parasites, is being burned in the
building and if this does not prove
sufficient to rid the rooms Of the pests
a professional fumigstor will be EN-.
ployed to take the matter in charge
and exterminste the pests.
The sulphur is being burned in the
basement and the fumes are given per-
feet freedom to invade every room,
crack and crevice in the entire build
Ing. The outside doors are tightly
locked and wadded and every interior
door in tine building opened. Super
intendent Leib thinks this means will
be sufficient to kill all the parasites
and hopes the matter will not prove
so serious that the services of pro-
fessional fumiagtor will have to be
secured.
T.AY.ENC FOR the Kidney's.
The Paducah sun. [volume] (Paducah, Ky.) 1898-1906, 1904-04-15
WANT TO BREAK WILL

Hopkinsville, KY, April Ed
ward Lindsey. formerly OF TrigR
county, who recently died in Texas,
left an estate valued at tl5c, 900 to the
Christian church. He was unmarried
but left numerous near relatives, all
OF whom were cut OF with 81 each.
Two of his Kentucky nephews. Ed
ward B. Lindsey, of Elkton, and
Charles W. Lindsey of jacksonville.
have just returned from Texas and an
effort will be made to break the will.
The Paducah sun. [volume] (Paducah, Ky.) 1898-1906, 1904-04-15
HEALTH II YOUTH.

Disease and Sickness Brings Old Age.
Herbipe. taken every morning be-
fore breakfast. will keep you in robust
health. At you to ward of disease. 1t
cures constipation. biliousness, dys.
pspsia, fever. skin. liver and kidney
complaints. Il purines the blood and
clears the complexion. Mrs. D. W.
Saith, whitney, Texas, writes April
., soa: II have used Herbine and
lind it the BEST medicine for constipa
ton and liver troubles. 1t does al
you claim for II. ! can highly recon
mend IT," 500 . bottle.
Sold by DuBois. Kolb q %, Padu
cab, Ky.
The Paducah sun. [volume] (Paducah, Ky.) 1898-1906, 1904-04-15
BALLARD's HoREHoUND SYRUP

Immediately relieves hoarse, croupy
cough, oppressed, rafting, rasping
and difficult breathing. Henry G.
Stearns, Druggist, shullsburg. Wis,
writes. May 20, 1901; 81 have been
selling Billiards. Horehound Syrup for
two years, and have never had prep
aration that has given better sstisfac-
ton. I notice that when sell bot
tie they come back for more. I can
honestly recommend it," 25c, SOC, 81.
Sold by Dubois. Kolb & Co.