Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1904-11-19
B. FRANKLIN'S MAXIMS

II sometimes wish remarked the
grumpy looking man with the accordion
pleated and moulting cheroot. that the late
3. Franklin of Philadelphia had stuck to
his job printing and kite-fying stunts
throughout his long and useful iife-
can't think of any parcel of literary junk
that has contributed more misery and keen
suffering to the world than those Poverty
Dick maxims of his.
Take that Observation-Disclosures rise
rip-saw. for example. Far be 1t from me to
fail, but am bound to believe that when
the late B. Franklin allowed that one to
slip into his life and letters he was frivol-
ing with a marked-down, misfit hop-tol ana
inhaling a contra band brand of the poppy
smoke Fellers early to bed and early 10
rise is what makes The Man With the
Hoe The Man With the Hoe Is all right,
as vaguely portrayed on one OF those misty
pictures for which packers or American
pigs feet are willing to cough up $3oOuo
now that the painters of EN- are dead, but
when It comes to the matter of taking COM
fort The Man With the Hoe doesn't or
didn't know that he Is or was alive.
1.-The average man who isn't early 10 oeo
and early to rise wouldn't know any more
about manipulating hoe than ne Woulu
about shoeing a zebra but the fun tnat ne
contrives to snag out OF the game VI me
is just something ScandaiouS
Il have cut into the trails OF quite a
large assortment of healthy, wealthy ana
wise persons in the progress OF my SIN
strewn career, and at least nine out VI tsll
of them were shameless male persons WIN
never dreamed of turning down the cover
let's of their little white cots unth apout
In, and who never, under any cHcum III
stances, dotted their nighties TOT thelt
breakfast raiment until the position VI
bright Phoebus in the circumambient SKY
indicated the civilized hour OF lVIor IL
am. ~
ION the other hand. the great bulk OF me
early-to- bed and early to-rfSe punch Win
whom I've been thrown into contacf nave
been persons with deep. careworn pouChes
under their eyes. planted there ny .u hna
lifelong necessity of scrambilng Out vi oe9 u
of mornings around the hour when Jocunu
6ay stands tiptoe on the misty mouutaa IL.
top. for the purpose of coping OUT their
or So per diem for the monthly rem anu
shoes and things for the wife ana lo"-
heads. l., a. 70
mo man of this era and epoch Is MT 10
mingle with his kind, anyhow, until aL.el
the glorious orb of day mas Deen oanotilS
in the blue for quite an appreclapie huiilos
of hours. The miStS ana logs Vi the no.
nal mans innate and Unborn craoDeuheSS
are not dssipated until the dew mas al.
been drunk up by the radiant charioteer Oh
the heavens Nine male persons Out OF zen
wake I'D with a crouch that Is only 10 Ne
dissolved by those whose circumstances per
nit them to gaze dopily at the chlffonler lor
a while and then get up and pull the cur
tajnS down bit farther, ana t1leii IAN my
their hunks for just about one hundred anu
twenty more moments of SlumDer
THE ghoulish glee which springs In the
male bosom after the performance OF the
simple act of crawling out of bed and gaz-
ing abstractedly for couple of minutes at
the throng of other fellows on their way 10
work is something that can't be expressed
in any known dialect or patois living or
dead.
"The early to-bed proselyte, who has been
compelled to turn in before the rejecting
bullets and capons have picked of sort
spot for their perches, gloomily thinks, as
he pulls the coverings up over himself pc
fore he is halfway sleepy, of the fun the
late-tO-bed gang must be having around IN
the haunts where there is always something
happening, and he forthwith becomes jeal-
Gus and peevish.
.'All of which, fellers, is apropos of the
fact that I myself had to arise at some
thing like 6 of the dial this morning to go
down to the depot to meet a ZebulOn cousin
of my wife's, who stopped off in Wash
ington to see the Capitol and the Nay
shun-yal Mu-see-um, b'hokey. on his way
to the st. Louis fair: and If I've been fit to
since / got up at that gloomy hour then 1t s
up to comebody to help me out with my
alibi, that's all
THE late B. Franklin was whole lot of
a big chief in his day and date when he
question as to who had the bulgiest Uranium
had the floor, but when he enunciated his
early Observation-Disclosures dictum there's
not a doubt in life that he had hi fingers
crossed or his galluses twisted in I low
ers knots. He was too wise to have honest
Injun meant it,