Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1904-06-23
STORIETTES.

= t II
Mr.. Graham Murray tells of Scotch
minister, who, taking his walk early
In the morning, found one of his par
fShioners recumbent IN ditch.
where have you been the night, An
Drew" asked the minister. "Weel,
dinna RIGHTLY KEN" answered the
PROSTATE one, whittier it was a we'd
ding or funeral, but whichever il
was, 1t was most extraordinary
success"
Barrett Wendell, professor of En-
glish at Harvard, crossed the campus
the other day behind two sophomores
What is the matter with your" he
heard the first sophomore say; what
makes you SO blue?" Why" replied
the other, Il wrote home last week
for money to get textbooks with. and
here this morning my father sends
me, instead of the money, the books
themselves. How in the world is
fellow ever to get on his feet at this
rate?"
A leading London lawyer says that
he owes his rise to shrewd errand
BOY. When he was briefiess barris,
.er he went one afternoon to read in
the Inner Temple Library. He had
not been there long when his small
errand boy appeared greatly excited
and breathless from running. IF you
please, SIR" the boy gasped, "a gen.
tleman is waiting for you at the cham
bers with a brief He can't get out,
IN
the barrister and the boy hurried back
to the chambers, and the gentleman
with a brief, who was amused at his
capture, afterward became a most
valuable client 81.
New York detective asserts that
ii one wants anything in Gotham, it
can be obtained by asking for it. AS
an instance he cites a happening at
tire Casino Theatre Ire ticket seller
was resting during a luIl in business.
when a rough-looking fellow stuck his
head in at the window 1--WE come for
the clock" he said WELL" snapped
the ticket man, who is described as
my" you don't expect me to come
out and take it down for you, do your"
Fresh, amt yer" responded the fell
low, and turned away. He put up a
ladder and took down the clock, val
liable timepiece, and walked away
with it, He hasn't returned. Neither
has the eQuanimity of the very smart
ticket seller. .. .....
There is a story of a Duluth SER
want, Swedish girl, who asked for
vacation as she was to be married.
A substitute was obtained for her,
who had at the last moment announced
that she would not come for two
weeks. The Swedish girl was asked
to postpone her marriage for that
length of time, but she objected. She
agreed, though, to come back after
the wedding, and work until the 9TH
er girl could come. Half an hour af-
ter the ceremony the girl was per-
forming her customary duties, and her
mistress said to her: And | suppose
your husband has gone back to his
work, too, Matilda" ooh, no, indeed,
ma'am," replied the girl; che bane
gone on his honeymoon"
In a little Tennessee town lived a
justice Vi lue pSdC6 WHO udu Deeu re-
elected for many terms, although he
was the only Republican in the dis
trict. At last, one campaign when
political excitement was very high, il
was determined to GUST him, and put
in a Democrat. The Republican was
frightened. Then he resolved upon a
bold plan. The election was held in
an old distillery, and before vote was
cast the justice of the peace announc-
ed his intention of making speech.
"Feller citizens" he said, from the
top of a barrel that he had mounted.
I've been justice of the peace here
goin' on twenty vars, an good many
times I've saved many of you from
goin' to the penitentiary, an now
you're tryin' to put me out Of office.
But just want to tell you something.
I've got the constitution and the laws
of the State of Tennessee in my peck.
ct, and just as sure as you turn me
out Of office I'll burn 'em up-blame
me if | don't-and you may all go tC
ruin together" He vas elected. Tbs
voters felt that to be in a state with
out constitution and laws was toe
great a calamity to be thought of.
Strong Language. r,