Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1904-08-12
- %.l .l(ahSHfS
.3Sszl[@sG Gf1n
~~~~~

"You hold my future happiness" he
told the girl. why don't you hold it
yourself?" she asked, coyly.-Chicago
Post.
Experience, you know, is a good
teacher" ''Yes. but 1 wish there were
more vacations in that school. Chi
cago Post.
Are your intentions toward the
widow seriousY' "Oh, very. 1 am go
ing, if possible. to get out Of marry
ing her."-Life.
Tailor-Do you want padded shoul-
ders, my little man? Willie-Naw;
pad de pants! OATS where 1 need
it most.-Chicago News.
did Jerrold get anything out of his
rich uncle's estate?' well, rather
he married the daughter Of the attor-
ney for the estate.'-Ex.
Boston Governess-Yes children,
the eyes enable us to see. Now, Emer-
son, tell me what the nose is for
Little Emerson-It's for holding eye
glasses.-Puck.
Blobbs- Have you ever had any ex-
perience with train robbers on your
travels? Slobbs-Well, I've stacked
up against good many Pullman car
porters.-Philadelphia Record.
II don't believe bachelors have any
hearts, she said. "Why, we're just
the men who do have them," he re-
piled. "Why is that?" she asked.
Because we haven't lost them"
Willie-Pa, can't 1 have some
Pa-See here! You've got plateful
of food before you. Willie-Yes, sir;
but Pa-Well. keep your mouth
shut and eat it.-Philadelphia Public
Ledger.
A new order: "You don't mean to
say you girls have started a secret So
cietyF" "Yes, it's a society whose
members pledge themselves to tell all
the secrets they know
Ledger.
Cannibal King-That missionary
made an awful fuss. didn't he? Head
Chief-Terrible, sir. His struggles
were frightful. Cannibal King-WeIl,
serve him as a piece de resistance
Town Topics.
She-But if you say you can't bear
the girl. why ever did you propose?
He-Well, her people have always
been awfully good to me. and it's the
only way 1 could return their hospi-
tality.-Punch.
How 1 envy that boyv' said Smith.
"Yes." acquiesced his friend; 1--WE all
envy sturdy youngster like that for
his youth "Oh, that's not it!
He's the butchers boy. and you should
hear the way he talks to my wife!'
"Come, now." said mamma. who
had taken the children tor a walk
through the Zoo. "let's go home and
see papa" "Oh, nov' protested Elsie,
lets see these other monkeys first"
philadelphia Press.
OF the New York kind: would
you mind keeping that hat on?" Keep
it on! Why, l was just about to take
it off," 81: know it. But 1 don't
want to see any more of this play
than I can help."-Life.
Gothamite-I hear you have a Vas
sar graduate for cook. Isn't it rath-
er expensive? Harlemite-Not very.
She works for her board and clothes.
Gothamite-Why, how does she come
to do that? Harlemite-She's my wife.
Harlem Life.
Chronic Shopper-How much are
your Baldwin apples? Fruit Vender
Fifteen cents quarter-peck. Chron-
tc Shopper-Can't you sell me quar-
ter-peck for II cents? Fruit Vender-
Yes, but not so big a quarter-peck.-
Baltimore American.
Their meeting: She Gushing ex-
pectantly)-Fred Smithers, as l live!
Poor fellow-it saddens me to think
how broken up he was over my re-
fusal. He (wrinkling forehead
Where in thunder have 1 seen that
woman before?-Brooklyn Life.
'Why does Mrs. Clubwoman look
so sad?" "The worlds injustice to
woman has just struck her forcibly
again" How was that?" ''She hap
pened to think that Martha Washing
lCu ISL CdlISo tuS holASI VI ASA
Country" Cincinnati Times-Star.
Applicant (for position as cook)-
How many afthernoons out durin' the
wake, MIN? Mrs. Highmore-
of course, you can have every Thurs
day, and Applicant-Im askin'
ye, min, how many afthernoons out
ye want yersiif.-Chicago Tribune.
Towne-Hear what Sniffklns did
when the collection plate came round
to him in church last Sunday? Browne
No. Dropped button in, l sup
pose. Towne-Not even that He
leaned over and whispered: Il paid
the pastors fare in the car yesterday
morning. Well call it sQuare.-Phil-
adelphia Press.
MANDY, de rec'lect how Henry
Virgins used to play marbles all the
time when he was a little feller?''
Goodness, yes" "Well, he hain't got
over his hankerin' after 'em yit; this