Lincoln County leader. [volume] (Toledo, Lincoln County, Or.) 1893-1987, 1904-11-11
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Guest-I want good porterhouse
steak. Waiter-Gents what order por-
terhouse steak are required to make
deposit, sir.-Chicago Tribune.
Swatter-I see you are mentioned in
one Of the books just published. Prim-
ly-Indeed! What book? Swatter-
The directory.-Chicago News.
Gabber-You ought to meet Dyer.
Awfully clever imitator. He can take
off anybody. Miss Duncan (wearily)-
| wish he was here now.-Tit-bits.
Stringem-Say, do you want to get
next to scheme for making money
fast? Nibbles-Sure do. Stringem-
Glue it to the floor.-Chicago News.
At the Art Exhibitions: First Judge
-Daubleigh is a prolific painter, isn't
he? How would you estimate his
work? Second Judge-By the quart
Life.
Roosevelt and Parker outdistanced:
Stella-Men are so stupid Bella
Yes, indeed; do you suppose it would
take me weeks to write letter of ac-
ceptance ?-Exchange
Customer-The last fish | had from
you didn't seem very fresh. Fish
pealer-Well, mum, 'ow can you ex.
'pect fresh fish to come out O. salt
water New Yorker.
First Physician-So the operation
was just in The nick Of time? Second
Physcian-Yes, in another twenty-four
hours the patient would have recovered
without it.-Harpers Bazaar.
At the seaside: She-Oh! George,
what lovely waves! He-Very nice;
but poor things, they're just like me-
we both arrive at the shore in splen-
did style-and go back broke.-Judy.
Visitor (at Putin Bay)-What do you
do in here all summer? Native-Loaf
and fish. Visitor-And what do you
do in the winter? Native-We don't
tish.-Cincinnat Commercial Tribune.
Il suppose" said the drummer, you
labor on the Sabbath, and rest the re-
mainder of the week." NO" replied
the village parson: 81 try to collect
my salary on week days" s."-Chicago
News.
More Troublesome: "It's pretty hard
to be worried by a lot of debts you
can't pay" Nonsense! That's moth
ing to being worried by lot of debts
you simply have to pay."-Philadel-
phia Ledger.
Diagnosis: Patient-Do you con-
slider this trouble fatal, doctor? Iou
know my means are limited, and
Doctor-Well, as a rule, the patient
succumbs to it after about two thou
sand dollars worth of treatment
Life.
Sure enough: "Of course 1 don't
want to criticise, but l don't think 1t
was altogether right for David to say
all men are liars" "Well. at any
rate. it was safer than to pick out one
man and say it to him."-Philadelphia
Press.
Artist-Have you taken my picture
to the exhibition? Porter-Yes, sir;
IL seemed to please the gentlemen
very much. Artst-What did they
say? Porter-Oh, they didn't say
nothing, but they laughed that
'earty.-Glasgow Evening Times.
"Did you ever make any money on
the board Of trader "Yes, l made one
hundred and seventy-five dollars there
one day in less than twenty minutes"
'Whew! What did you do with it"
"Oh, they got 1t back before l had
chance to see it."-Chicago Record
Herald.
Teacher-Have you looked up the
meaning of the word "imbibes," Fan
ny? Fanny-Yes, ma'am. Teacher
Well, what does it mean? Fanny-To
take in. Teacher-Yes. Now give a
sentence using the word. Fanny-My
aunt imbibes boarders.-Woman's
Home Companion.
"Mr. Heavyweight" said the min
lister, sis willing to subscribe $4,000
for new church, provided we can get
other subscriptions making up the
same amount" "Yet you seem dis
appointed" said his wife. "Yes, l
was in hopes he would contribute 500
N cash." ."-Brooklyn Life.
Jones-It Is just impossible for me
to keep a lead pencil. People are al
ways borrowing. you know, and they
always forget to return. Brown
Why, l never have any trouble. See.
I've got whole vest-pocketful of pen
ellis. Jones-Doesn't that prove just
what l said ?-Boston Transcript.
The Elder Miss Spinster appearing
at the back door)-Tel me, my good
man, are you the person who called
here last week? Knight Of the Road
You don't mean the bloke wot you