The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1904-12-27
THE c. o. d. MAN.
He Tells of a Couple of Cases OF
Romance.

only c. o. D. Man in the world" said
the Unfortunate Gentleman, as the in
! tervtewer took a seat beside him. '.It
| IS a system that cannot be too much
| admired, and 1 wonder that it is not
more. generally adopted. For instance,
you nave given me quarter. There
is no bookkeeping bills to send out
no collector to call on you. The debt
is off your hands and done with. On
my part, 1 have the money in my pock-
ct and can use it or bank it. 1 don t
| have to worry, and am put to no trou-
BILE or expense. If every unfortunate
gentleman wandering around the coun-
| try would insist on the c.. O. D. syS-
! tenn and take no other all parties would
| be so per cent better off. .
/ The interviewer having fully agreed
with him in this matter, the u. G.
| lighted his pipe and crossed his legs
and continued:
I'VE are told that this is a money
getting age, and that people are be-
coming sordid and hard-hearted, but
don't you take it that there is any less
| romance around than hundred years
! ago. It is mostly confined to the fe-
male sex, as has been the case since
! the beginning, and they are not letting
| go of it a. little bit.
! You might wonder how an Unfortu-
nate Gentleman tramping about the
country should come in contact with
| romance, but it is perhaps the best way
to find it. At any rate, I seldom pass
a day without making a discovery.
Last May, when 1 set out on my an
| nual tour of the provinces-my ninth
or tenth annual farewell tour-the trees
were in bloom, the grass taking on its
vivid green and the robin thrilling his
lay.
1T was the time for romance, and
was not long finding it. I had just
struck the Pennsylvania state line, and
was padding the hoof (paddius paddy
in Greek) along a good highway when
a runaway rig approached me. I heard
a female long before the
horse turned a bend in the road. In
an old buggy, behind an old horse
which could not gallop above five miles
an hour sat damOSel of 80 summers.
1.-THE reins were dragging under the
horses hoofs, the buggy lurching to
the right and left, and the fair maid
expected to be made cats meat of at
any moment. Some damosels would
caught the old crow-bait by the head
and kicked some sense into him, but
this one was romantic.
'She wanted to be rescued from her
frightful situation frightuS situatus i'll
Latin) by some chevalier, and Prov1-
dence ordained that I should be on
the spot. 1 was equal to the occasion:
In other words, 1 ran forwards and
bling him by the bride 1 brought him
to such a sudden stop that it jerked
the hind shoes off his hoofs. The
sudden stoppage not only gave MN
Z
four quarts of oats in his manager, but
it precipftated the romantic young lady
forwards into my knightly arms.
''Well, there we We're. She had been
rescued in first class shape, and OF
course she instantly saw the romance
in the situation She declared that L
had perilled my life, and that mad eX.
hibited all the bravery and chfValry OF
a knight of old, and what could 90
but look modest and reply that I would
take my life in my hand a dozen times
over in the cause of one so young ana
fair and gracious.
81 believe 1 even addressed her as My
Lady as I got into the buggy beside her
and drove her home. She lived a n1ie
away, and romance was flying about IN
hunks and chunks by the time we got
there 1 had learned that she was an
old maid and we'll off and living with
her brother and had told her that
was an Unfortunate Gentleman (un1or-
tunis genius for short) looking around
the country for missing relat1Nes;
when we reached the house was
introduced to the brother, who dian I
appear to be particularly STRUCK VIII
NV aDpearance or the heroic deed hao
accomplished. When the damosel pre-
scented me with suit of his clothes ne
didn't seem to like the idea, and when
she insisted that 1 stay for week ana
consider myself one of the 1anliy
thought he looked indignant.
For two days I sat on the piazza or
under the plum tree and ch1nned WIN
that delightful old girl, and had pee1
a real count or lord or duke sho gt
have won her heart and her cash. buC
was not of noble blood and LOOKING
for sugar I was in a false position ana
anxious to get out of it, and the protner
came forward to assist me.
s"The shades of evening were gain
erinp for the second time when he
softly invited me out to see some nne
hogs When we had reached the barn
ward he pulled off his coat and spat on
his hands and murmured:
Now then, you Internal ola tramp
Won get up and get (getupus getus IN
Arabic) or I'll hammer the mead OH
of YOU in three minutes!
s6The damosel waited for me under
the ivy. but 1 took a skate and slept
that night under a straw stack thfee
miles away. What the brother told
her when he returned to the mouse
cannot say, but l nope ne oh o alea1i nU'
"I wound up my season this year
with October, owing to an 1ngroWlng
toe-nail and I had another romantic
adventure in Connecticut. L was one
day making a sneak across the helds
to come at an orchard in the rear OF a
house when cries for help reached my
ears After minute l located them
in the orchard and caught the nutter
of skirts-also the f1utter of a cows
tail 1 put spurs to my steed, as you
might say, and dashed forward, ana
next moment came upon an ap I2alir
about two hundred pounds had
brought a chair out from the house to
enable her to reach the apples on the
lower limbs. A mild-eyed COW, with
one norm missing and only the most
harmless curiosity in her soul, had
caught sight of the woman perched
up there and ceased her grazing for
moment to Investigate. There was
romance as we'll as fairness (romancus
fatnuss in Hindistan) on that chair
with dishpan of red apples Rugged
to her breast, and she had probably
seen me coming.
IT came. 1 saw the terrible situa-
ton and acted. In other words, I
took that old one-horned COW by the