The Savannah morning news. (Savannah, Ga.) 1900-current, 1904-12-04
MIR. DOOLEY
% ON *
3 A ~ T ING
BY F. p. dunno.
OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES
Copyright, 1904, by Mcclure. Phillips & Co.

L see tn good woman goin' by here
at gallop to-day" said Mr. Dooley.
She's thryin' to rayjooce her
weight" said Mr.. Hennesssy.
What f'r?"
Il don't know. She looks all right"
said Mr.. Hennessey.
Well" said Mr.. Dooley, 1T is a
sthrange thing. Near ivrybody l know
is thryin' to rajooce his weight. Why
shud a woman want to be thin onless
she is thin? TIL idee iv female beauty
that all gr-reat men firm Julius Caesar
to mesilf has held, is much more like
barl thin a clothes pole. Hogan
tells me that Alexanders wife an
Caesars missus was no lightweights;
Martha Washnton was short, but
pleasantly dumpy, an Andrew Jack
sons good woman weighed two hun
dherd an smoked a pipe. Hogan says
that all tn potes he knows was in
love with not to say fat but ample
ladies. TIL potes thimsilves was thin,
but tn ladies was chubby. A pote
whin he has wurruked all day at tn
typewriter wants to rest his head on
shoulder that won't hurt Shakes
peare's wife was thin an they quar-
relied TIL lady that TIL Eyetalian
pote Dainty made a fool iv himsif
about was no skiliton. All tn pitch
ers iv beautiful women I've liver see
had nanny curves an sivral chins.
TIL phottygraft iv Mary Queen iv
Scots that l have in me room shows
that she took on weight afther she
had her dhress made. TIL collar looks
to be -chokin' her.
But nowadays, tits tn fashion to
thry to emaciate ye'erslf l ct sup
per with Carney tn other day. It was
TIL will iv hiven that Carney shud
grow fat, but Carney has a will iv
his own, an FIR tin years he's been
thryin' to look like Snitor Fairbanks
whin his thrue model was Grover
Cleveland. He used to scald himsilf
ivry mornin' with a quart iv hot wa
Their on gettin' up. That did him no
good. Thin he thried takin' long walks.
TIL long walk rayjooced him half
pound and gave him a thirst that made
him take on four pounds iv Boodweis-
| err. Thin he rented a horse and thried
| horseback ridin. TIL horse liked his
weight no more thin Carney did an
| Carney gained tin pounds in tn hos
pital. He thried starvin himsilf an
| he lost two pounds an his job FIR bein
! cross to tn boss. Thin he raysumed
| his regular meals an made up his mind
to cut out tn sugar. l see him at
| breakfast wan mornin'. Nature had
been kind to Carney in tn matter iv
appytite. / won't tell we what he con-
sumed. It's too soon afther supper
! an tn room is close. But, anyhow
whin his wife had tottered in with tn
| last fiap-jack an tainted, an whin
| begun to wondher whether it wud be
safe to stay, he hauled a little bottle
firm his pocket an took out a small
pill What's that?' says /. IT'S what
take in place iv sugar. says he.
Sugar is fattenin' an this rajooces tn
weight, says he. An ar-re we goin'
to match that poor little tablet
against that breakfast says 1. I am
says he. 'Cow'rd.' says 1.
1.-THE latest thing that Carney has
took up to make tn fight again nature
is called Fetching. Did we iver hear
iv it? Well, they'se a lad be tn name
Nv Fletcher who thinks so much iv his
stomach that he won't use it an he
tells Carney that If he'll ate on'y wan
or two mouthfuls at fvry meal an
thurly chew. thin, he will ivinchooly
be no more thin skin an bones an
very handsome to look at. In four
weeks man who Feletches will lose
forty pounds, an all his frinds. Tn
idee is that we humble ye'er food FIR
tin minyits with watch in front ~
We. This night Carney was Fletching.
1t was a fine supper. TIL table groan-
ed beneath all tn indilicacies iv tn
season. We tucked our napkins und-
her our chins an prepared FIR jay
NAL avenin'. Not so Carney. He laid
his goold watch on tn table, took a
mouthful iv mutton pie an begun to
Fetch At first Hogan thought he was
maxim faces at him, but / explained
that he was crazy. / see by tn look
in Carney's eye that he didn't like III
explanation but we wint on with tn
supper. Well, twas gloryous. 'Jawn,
ye'er health. Pass tn beefsteak Ma
lachi Schwartzmeister, OF boy, can't
l help we to tn part that whit over