New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1904-01-23
THE TALK OF THE DAY.


officer who has served in tho West IN the old days
OF Indian fighting has his story 10 tell about Lieu
tenant General Chaffee. When the Apaches were
the warPath. years ago no was captain OF
the 9th Cavalry. Just no was ready 70 leave
to round up lot OF the Indians he called at the
post telegraph Office. Have you any further or
ders for moi" no asked. NO. sir" the operator
replied '"The wires not working very well
to-day" 'I not surprised" said Chaffee, as
he turned order his advance: IL had them cut
early this morning. don't need any humanitarian
instructions from Washington
THE IMPOSSIBLE WAR POEM.
'come hither. Muse" tho poet begged
II need your wise assistance.
The lines Of least resistance"
The Muse appeared. and she was CARRIED
In sandals and kimono.
In glad" he said. You dress f the part'
The Muse-the gentle Muse-looked at
His list with frightened, big eye,
And cried: 'Oh. what In all tho world
Here's Nagasad and WIFI.
Kjrln-Now, who can say TT
To properly display lit
She glanced ndown tho Jagged list
shinanaIa, the1Sejq, Chusan.
And WI Wen and Niomhetsu.
UssShnn0miye, ChanG PSi s9 9h UNIV A.
You attempt to write an ode
Concerning Hakkado?
"rTas. horridr'. she exclaimed. Indeed.
10 bIiIle sutii 10
Ahar'- She dropped the rearsome LIST
With fingers white and shaky
LockjaW y, had seized led the gentle Muse
Wv b N. in The Chicago Tribune
Herbert Spencer and a friend were cnce walking
toward asylum they proposed to visit Their
way led them across a railroad. and seated near
the track they young man reading. This
young man was an inmate OF the institution. but
they did know It at the time.
MY friend" said Mr.. Spencer, pausing where
does this railroad go tor
The lunatic looked up from his book and gave his
interrogation long stare of scorn- Then he re-
piled:
cit doesn't go anywhere We keep I. here to run
trains on"
Few Prayers.-Yern-Now. II all men would only
vote as they pray. this would truly be happy
ut to hst should d to the boP yqS
ten years-(Catholic Standard.
At an evangelical service at Glasgow recently the
preacher. at the end of his address. cried: NOW.
all you good people who mean to go TO heaven with
me, stand up!" With n surge OF enthusiasm tho
audience sprang to its fetal but old Scotch
man in the front row. who sat STILL The Mortified
evangelist wrung his hands. and addressing him
said: MY good man. my good man. don't you
want to go to heaven7' Clear ana deliberate came
the answer: AYE. AVN gangin'. but wi a
pairsonally conducted pairty!'
BY Himself.-Uncle Eph'm had put on a. clean
collar and his best coat and walking ma iesti-
cally up and down the street
OF his Caucasian acquaintances.
mo. suh 1se celebratin' my golden weddin'.
sub"
You were married fifty years ago to-dayr.
We'll. why isn't your wife helping you to cele
brate it?'
MY present wife. suh" replied Uncle Epb,m
with dignity, "ant got nothin' to do with II She's
de observation-disclosures Tribune.
In Japan the nose is the only feature which at
tracts attention The determines tho beauty
ugliness OF the face. according as 1t is big or
small. This is probably due to the fact that dif
ference in noses constitutes about the only dis
tinction between ono Japanese face and another
The eyes are invariably black, the cheek bones
high and the chin receding. In Japan a woman
who has huge proboscis is always a great beauty
and q reisning belle There are few large noses
among the natives. and lucky is he or she upon
whom nature lavfshes In all Japanese Met
representing the supposedly beautiful woman
the artist invariably improves nature by depict
Ing this feature as abnormally developed.
Must Be He.-Winixs-I wonder who selects tba
poetry for The Hightone Magazine"
Jnks-De Blinks.
Are you sure?'
We'll. heard him say that he was the puzzle
sdttor.'-lNew-York Weekly.