New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1904-03-14
IL TIE SPRING.

The children are crying ard groaning.
And don't much wonder they, wal.
They know that means sarsaparilla,
or some stiu more nausecus thing.
With which a fond mother vii nI
Poor child az the first sign OF spring
As soon as the earliest grasses
the birthstone that's mixed with molasses
Must be forced unwillingy down
on uhv To that horrible notion
Should parents persistently cling
And cause such internal commouon
Because there are symptoms ~ sprirSI
They buy patent compounds by crosses
And morning and uiEht and at noon
In tescup and winegloss and spoon
the troubles malignant and chronic
AZ least with that shuddering ring
What aiIs them Is simply the tonic
I"eS ItChicago News.
THE word .vesenan'' Is now eligible to dictionary
honorz II has court authority. In a recent dail-
age suit al Lynn. Mass. the plaintiff set forth that
bv calling him a yeggman the defendant meant
that the plaintiff desperate. n criminal
night burglar. a tramp burglar. crook a lree
booter a murderer. man who posed as a tramp III
the daytime and was n burglar In the night time.
A, Explanation.-''I wasn't always in this condi-
ton said the ossifed man in the dime museum
NV Sr ~ once gave me the marble heart and u
spread" explained the hardened freak "''"7O
News.
he Tribune n few days ago gave SONIC P'iN07
which show the great boom in fancy potatoes IN
I,,gl,rd Here are some more from The Sheffield
Telegraph: "A Sheffield man has Just invested IN
a quantity Of 'Sutton's new discovery at - od
($t SN n pound. That seems a fairly good pelce Tot
potatoes Of any sort. but even that long neure y
easily beaten. In Peterborough market the other
dav one pound Of EIdorado potatoes fetched flOe
The owner who sold the Sheffield man his little lot
writes him that there has been on his premises
raiser who declined $50 for single potato or that
variety. Even this price was echpsed At the oiLll'i
field show on Wednesday. when n firm OF ho'A
potato merchants sold Tour pounds Of Eldorado at
the rate OF $50 a pound This is reckoned to WORK
out NJ f3a6 eco ton or about thrice their weight in
gold. The raiser. il might be added. declined an
orer OF go for a single specimen Of the Eldorado.
Solar PIexus Blow.-Nr Staylate-I was gong
to cali last evening but unGrfsI'yo , Mad called
Mr. Staylate-Ah! you were really az nome '"e"'
Miss tienCe-NO.-(Philadelphla fress'
The Editor Of The stanbury MOI owl" says
that he does not publish all the news In the town
IN his paper. because he does not think another
angel would be welcome In heaven just vet
Tho 1.,dv-Ds,r mo, How is II when you big boys
start fighting that poor little quiet feNo" always
Tommy nrn TougA-why. num- we are playing. de
Russians an de Japs. an We make believe he's
Corean.-CPhiladeIphia Record
For sheer bravado. says The United Service
Magazine" it would be hard TO rival the feat Of
Ensign ellis who saw a stray torpedo coming
slowly but surely toward the anchored torpedo
boat Porter. in the Spansh-American War He
spranE overheard. turned the nose OF the torpedo
In safer direction. and screwed up the firing pin
tightly, that IL would not operate Then. tread
ing water. he saIuted Lieutenant Fremont and
reported: Sir I have 70 report I have captured
n torpedo" Bring IL board. STR, commanded
Fremont. and ellis actually did so. swimming
with it to the ship and fastening tackle to IT,
His only Knowledge.-"where is the Board Of
Health?" inquired the stranger who had been wan
dering amlessly about the city Hall
II tell YOU where IL isn't replied the dys-
peptic looking
En-
1T isn't at Mrs. Starvem's- know that
much. because that's where l board -(Philadel-
phia Ledger.