The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-03-06

perate citizens, just a little, TO be
INNyHeII called to the phone from the
- breakfast table, and be told, all
unexpectedly, to come right down to the
freight warehouse and get an elephant, but
DIR. Mortem merely stuffed his napkin in
his handkerchief pocket and said, calmly:
please say that over little slower"
The man at the other end said it slowly,
and added.
"And, say! If you don't get that big
brute out of here mighty quick you'll have
to sell it to pay the damage bill. It's al
ready eaten three crates of eggs, and just
now it's pickin' its teeth with the crates"
Whats the answer asked the doctor,
trying to make out the voice. Its a new
joke on me, all right.
Its on the level, DOCTOR" the man at
the other end assured him. This is the
X. Y. Il. freighthouse. and there's a real
live elephant, white one, down here for
you, billed through prepaid from some
place in India that uses up the whole al
phabet and laps over some
The doctor looked puzzled for a moment.
and then his countenance suddenly cleared
up. as if somebody had just paid him
money.
"Ahl" said he. cts from my friend, the
Rajah I'll come right after it.
Out in the reception-room he found the
office girl just taking off her wraps.
Miss Foxey," he remarked, my friend,
the Rajah of Slinga jinnfizz, has just sent
me a white elephant as token of his graf
itude. 1t is now at the y. Y. T. warehouse,
and I'm going down to get it. You will
find all the press clippings of how l saved
the Rajah's life on his visit here in Scrap
book Number Three. My latest photographs
are in the desk. There is likely to be sew
eral columns of-er-distasteful notoriety
connected with this. Please start it."
Very we'll sir" replied Miss Foxey, III
see to it,
Before the doctor could get out of the
front door she WAS at the telephone calling
up all the newspapers. and when he got
to the freighthouse he found a solid pha-
lanx of reporters and staff photographers
there, interviewing the elephant and feed
ing it peanuts, and taking snapshots of 1T
fast the shutters would open and
close. II IL writhed the doctors soul any
TO see ali those prying reporters there he
showed it by handing each one of them a
fine cigar, with the fancy band still on TO
show the brand. And he bought all of
them, who would accept it, drink
The professors of the doctors college
were mighty proud of him. and they had a
what they call a Code of Professional
Ethics and the whole meat of it is: You
must not pay for your advertising" Young
MOrtem appreciated this before he could
locate the femur bone, and, in his first
year, he often neglected his regular classes
for days at time TO take side course in
How TO bust in.
Sometimes he overdid it a little. For
instance in his junior year he stole a cada-
YER from the dissecting room and hid it in
a barrel in the alley. He let the police work
Afr 1orr \
before he hired the janitor to give him
away. The professor gave him a fierce
jacking up about il, but young Mortem
called his attention to the fact that he had
had his name printed in seventeen sizes OF
type and spelled five different ways, to say
nothing of his pictures at several ages. past,
present and future
His senior year he spent in the study OF
successful whiskers, and that winter he
wore all styles-goatees, gallways, mutton
chops, patriarchs and Nandykes-but he
both ways from the middle. When his
grades were handed him he a few fig
ures lacking In such things as anatomy and
materia medica but he had 100 plus in the
whskers and publicity courses and the
faculty gave him his homicide license and
turned him loose with the feeling that he
would reflect credit on the institution.
He did.
OF course the doctor had to live, and sc
he made fine patent medicine out OF
cheap whisky and coffee grounds and
market for stomach, nerve and blood dis
orders. That hit about everybody and as
the coffee grounds didn't spoil the taste OF
the whisky very much the stuff soon sold by
the carload and the doctor was able TO put
on the proper amount of dog to capture the
swell trade. None but the best would dc
for him and this is the way he got it.
Every time big man came TO town-the
President, Prince Henry, j. Pierpont Nor
gan or anybody else who belonged TO the
front pages in big black type. the doctor
tool nd nfaf
on the trail. He never let that party get
any further away from him than from the
middle of the street to the sidewalk and
at last, after two years of this, his patience
was rewarded The Rajah of Slinga jinnfizz
while out driving through the coal-soot
showers of this beautiful American city,
had the carriage stopped while he knotted
up his lemon-hued face and enjoyed a
cramp.
1t was simply a. case of stomach ache
but Doctor Mortem was Johnny on the
Spot, and he made up his mind he'd keep
that yellow heather in bed two weeks if he
had to poison him. He ordered the Rajah
back TO his hotel and for two solid weeks
pOtenate from India sick enough TO stay in
bed. When he detected a waning in public
interest he saved the little Nabob's life
with a perfectly beautiful flourish and the
Rajah gave him a ruby about the size of a
walnut. The doctor and the ruby and the
Rajah all had their pictures in the papers
life size, and Doctor Mortems practice was
quired the four-hundred bug insisted on
having the Rajah's doctor, but still he was
not satisfied. He wanted to make them
stand in line and buy reception office seats
from the sidewalk ticket Spectator, weeks
ahead
But. dear friends. Hatnee. the pensive-
eyed elephant, is waiting, tired of peanuts
and longing for hay.
AS soon the intelligent beast saw the
Ra his ruby, cleaning modestly in the
doctors shirt front, IL walked right over
and put it's trunk lovingly over his Shout
der and couldn't be pried from the spot
The doctor hired a couple OF men to take
IL away. but the affectionate animal gently
tossed them on a pile of barbed wire and
came back TO the doctor, SO he was forced
to take the middle of the street and let II
follow him home. The reporters and the
snap shot men lined up in loose marching
order and traipsed along busy all the way
1t was when they were crossing the main
street OF the city that Doctor Crepe, the
deadly rival Of the Rajah's DOCTOR flashed
across their pathway in his big green auto
envy as he saw this procession, for he knew
what was coming. and he had never beer
able himself to get into more than a hall
column article Doctor Mortem frowned
too, as he saw the streak Of green dart past
for Doctor Crepe was now one point ahead
OF him I'm the publicity branch OF the bust
ness. 1t had all started with a rubber-tired
high-up vehicle that Doctor Mortem had
purchased expressly for the purpose OF
dashsng up to OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES door