The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1904-09-17
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PATIENCE hear she has been en-
gagged eleven times! Patrice-I hate to
see a girl get in rut like that
Yonkers Statesman.
Madge-Don't you think a girl
should marry an economical man?
Dolly suppose SO, but it's just awful
being engaged to one.--New York Sun.
Mrs. Witherby lat breakfast)-
you well7 Witherby-Yes. Why? Mrs.
Wttherby-You look changed. sup
pose l notice 1t more than those who
are with you constantly. -Harper's Ba-
gar.
Mamma-Johnny, see that you give
Ethel the lions share Of that orange.
Johnny-Yes, ma. Ethel-Mamma, he
hasn't given me any. Johnny-Well,
that's all right. Lions don't eat or.
anges. ..~ --..
An old lady being in a store in a
Connecticut town, sat down and ex-
tended her feet to an iron safe, re-
marking that she was SO glad that "the
alright stoves had come into fashion
again."
Paying Teller-What is your name,
any wayP Indignant Presenter of
Check-Don't you see my signature
Paying Teller-Yes. That's what
aroused. my curiosity. - Baltimore
American.
A man who wished to take proceed,
ings against a creditor in distant
town sent letter addressed: "To any
respectable lawyer in A." The
postof1ce returned the letter marked
mot known"
Bobby, your father wants to see
you" The boy looked dubious. edo
/ want to see him?" he asked. Elbow
should l know?" "You ought to be
able to tell by the look in his eye."-
Chicago Post.
"Woodby declares his grandfather
descended from one of the creates
houses in England" "Ah, yes. l die
hear story about the old man falling
off roof he was repairing once fol
Lord Somebody or other."-Philadel
phia Press.
Miss Softly (who has been attending
course Of lectures)-Oh, professor,
saw such funny old fossil in the mu
scum to-day. thought Of you at once
Professor PHocene, the eminent geolo
gist, does not know whether to fee
dattered or not.
Willie-Pa, what's a "suburbanite,
any way? PA suburbanite, my son
is a queer creature who joyfully SOW
grass seed in the spring SO that b
may exercise his lawn mower and hi
profane vocabulary in the summer
Philadelphia Press.
Mrs. McShantee (triumphantly)-
see We are takin' in washin' agar
Mrs. McProudee! Mrs. McProude
(whose husband has lost paying job
Sure it's only to amuse tn childel
They wants tn windies covered Wi
steam so they can make pictures o.
them.
A mother recently brought her littl
boy to school for his first time, an
she said to the teacher: This littl
boy Is very delicate, as he Is afthe
fit Of harmonya on the loongs but
he does anything bould-and l knoV
he wiIl-bate the wan next to him al
twill brighten him"
"Are you the defendant?" asked
man in Mississippi court room, speal
ing to an old negro. mo, boss" wa
the reply; ~ amt done nothing to b
called names like that. Use got Law
yer here who does the defensing.
'"Then, who are your Use the gel
tleman wat stole the chickens"
"What's the matter?" asked the Law
yer's friend. Been in railway acc
dent?" mo. l had a jury case tn
other day, and in arguing it / boz
strongly upon the theory that my CT
ent was fool rather than a criminal
"Yes?" II did it so well that he wa
acquitted and met me outside"
In this era Of over-estimated fortune
and profits, it is not surprising thu
boasts are made about rapidly acqui
ed gains. I was talking with a ma
one day about investments, when
exclaimed: 81 made seventy eight tho
sand dollars last week, and the best
it was that thirtyeight dollars of Il
whole amount was spot cash."
Uncle Eph'm had put on clean &C
lar and his best coat, and was waikiki
majestically up and down the stree
Aren't you working to-day, uncle
asked one Of his Caucasian acquain
ances. mo, sub. Use celebratin' II
golden weddin', sub" you were ma
rled fifty years ago to-day?" eye
sub" "Well, why isn't your wife hel
ing you to celebrate it?" MY prese
wife, suh," replied Uncle Eph'm, wi
dignity, "ain't got nothin' to do wi
it. She's de 'leventh. "-Chicago Tri
; une.