The news & observer. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 1894-current, 1904-10-09
HUMOROUS TALES FROM
THE NATIONAL CAPITAL
Especial to News and Observer

! the collection. and If l don't catch
him I'll be damned
Representative Clayton. of Alabama.
has a brother-in-law. Capt. Wiley Will
iams, who is chief of police of Co
| lumbus Ca, and he says that Williams
recently told him about woman VINO
applied to him to use his every effort
to get delinquent" sweetheart to
marry her.
Il can not assist YOU said chief
| Williams. 1T is beyond the power OF
my office to make the fellow marry
| YOU
Cant you? urged the woman.
ct is out of the question"
Barney White and a heap of folks
| told me you would"
| white and others have miSrepre-
| scented the powers of my office"
! Are you a married man yourself?'
| Eyes, madam"
! "Then. 1 don't wonder YOU won't
help me-
! Morris Shepherd. the young MAJ
eloquent from Texas, is credited with
| this good story:
In early Texas legal history a wo-
man was convicted of forgery. Under
existing laws the penalty was death,
| but there was a general feeling of re-
pugnance at the capital punishment
of a woman, and yet the citizens wish
ed the community rid of such a char
acter. 1t was within the power of
| President Lamar to grant her a par
don and this he agreed to do. if she
would return to her native state. Ar
/ kansas, and agree never to return to
Texas.
The woman was a notorious char
acter, her bad record covering many
years. She was carried before the
/ President and told that if she would
immediately return to Arkansas he
would give her a pardon
| Arkansas rOared the bad woman.
Arkansas! Me go back to that state?
Not if l knows myself. He'll itself
before Arkansas"
Sentiment was so strong against
| capital punishment that President
Lamar was forced to give the woman
an unconditional pardon.
Mrs. Sarah Malinda Bates was a
good woman of Constantine, Micn
and at her death, says a representa-
| tive from that state. one of her sons
| had printed the following touching
| lines:
"Our sweet mother has passed away:
| Her spirit has took it's flight
| Dissolved from this tenement of clay
And gone to that world of light
''In memory / still can trace
| The scenes of childhood days:
| On the rivers bank was the place
| [ first enjoyed those plays.
I Mother lived to see the last
OF the old year (1S) seventy-four
And five days of the new just passed
When God said, BE here no more
REV. L. r. Edwards gave the sermon
From Revelations. IA Chap. IS
verse;
Brother Francois was the foreman.
Furnished case and drove the
hearse."
The installing of typesetting ma
chimes in the Government Printing Of
flee has caused some of the compost
tors to begin to look around for other
positions, believing that within few
months the force will be considerably
cut down. One of the place hunters
has prepared an advertisement. a
copy of which he has sent to his "in-
fiuence," Representative Adamson. of
Georgia. The ad reads:
can all-round printer who has had
several years experience in the print
ing office engineered by the Govern
ment, and who believes himself COM
petent to take charge of any depart
! ment in a printing and publishing
mouse, is open for an engagement
During odd times he has studied dem
| tistry. medicine ana law, and can also
read palms. He would take a place
! in Well-establishcd academy or col
| lege, and has no objection to teaching
ornamental painting and penman-
J snip, geometry, or any of the sciences.
| NO objection to a small but select
class of young ladies in the higher
branches. Would accept a place as
! bass or tenor singer, or act as assist
ant to an established chiropodist If
| a good position is found in a first
class community. would take place as
| pastor of small evangelical church
tie is anxious for position just az
soon as the government is convinced
| of the fact that the printing offE,e!
can be run without his valuable as
sistance.'