The Washington times., 1904-06-19

That there's a sucker born every
minute" has been demonstrated so many
times that IL ceases 70 cause comment.
Is a fact. but it is a strange thing that
so many OF them gravitate to the race
track.
In ninety-nine cases out Of a hun
dred a man who has tried and failed 10
beat game In which he was quail
fed to take a hand will turn to the
ponies and essay TO make a fortune out
OF bOOkmakers, who work on pcrcen-
tage. and owners, who work on private
Information. Ever since the first sure
thing went wrong there have been suck
err Of divers classes and inc who
have sent good o after bad In the
vain delusion that they had an easy
wa 10 make money without working.
Luther a Scientist.
These suckers have attracted the at
tentiOn Of many competent observers,
but Il remained FOR Luther McMillen.
the Washington ~joy-watcr dispenser. to
tabuIate and arrange them in scientific
order.
Luther is we'll qualified to speak from
experience. He once owned a stable Of
bangtails, and once he ran a book IN
st. Louis and took all the money offered
against a / 10 3 shot because he thought
has own horse would win-but that IS
another story
Luther's scientific catalogue Of suckers
is well worthy Of perusal by the gentle
reader, who, II he takes a hier on the
ponies, viii undoubtedly recognize him
self in one Of the following classes:
Which Are You?
The Original Sucker. the first man
who ever bet on a horse race.
The Young Sucker, a man who has
commenced 10 play the races n does
not know that he Is a Sucker.
The Vain Sucker, a man who thinks
D he HEn hnnF aNrgVW rnnn
The Amiable Sucker, a man who loves
TO play other peoples tips.
The Proud Sucker, a man who cashes
a bet through n luke.
The Shy Sucker. Il man who plays the
races on the quiet.
The Honest Sucker. a man who plays
the races and admits that he is a
Sucker.
The Unfortunate Sucker. a man who
plays the horse that wins the race and
Is then disqualified.
| The Scientific Sucker. a man Who plays
a system.
The Envious Sucker. a man who hates
to see others cash a bet.
The Deiuded Sucker. a man who thinks
II he had more money he could beat the
races.
The Game Sucker. a man who is al
WAYS broke.
The Miserable Sucker. a man who has
rosl a fortune trying TO beat the races.
and has 10 go through the winter wear
ing "A linen duster with a velvet collar,
-AN ~ AAAAb1 SA the DbllOul Ol MS
trousers.
The Nervous Sucker. a man who plays
re races and cannot stand and look at
them run.
The Bewildered Sucker. n man who
fhas forgotten the number OF his book
maker.
The Disappointed Sucker. a man who
arrives at the track and finds his hot
thing scratched.
The Unsocial Sucker. a man who con-
suits nobody but his dope.
The Grateful Sucker. n man who ar
rives at the track too late to get on a
losing hOt one.
The Fortunate Sucker. a man who
cSshes after being touted on a sup
posed dead one.
The Dishonest Sucker, a man who
lays against his own horse, gives his
Jockey instructions TO pull his mount.
but the boy disregards his Instructions
and rides ont his mount and wins
The Wise Sucker, a man who thinks
he has all Of the valuable information
on the track, and is afraid 70 speak to
his friends for fear they will find out
something. n after playing all Of his
good things they 90 wrong.
The Acute Sucker. "A man who thinks
he can tell by what a horse did yester-
day what he viii do today.