The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1904-01-09
TANNERS, in fact all the
ll MI tangible and intangible arts
by which you render your
= - self an attractive and con-


genial companion, should,
like charity, first begin and flourish In
the home.
This is not an empty aphorism. mean
just what say, and say it very serious
ly, for there is an appailingly large num-
Der of men and women who would be bet
ter pleased with themselves and with the
big human world in general If they only
appreciated the truth Of this statement.
All this, and more, I vouchsafed in the
course of a confidential interview with a
woman friend who came to visit me last
week with very important object in
view.
She is troubled about the social training
Of her children. Motherlike, she is am
bilious for them. She desires very earn
estly to have her fine sons and daughters
grow into the possession not only of we'll
stored minds. but the most agreeable man
ners. She and her husband are saving
heroically in order that the very best edu-
c1tonal opportunities may be afforded the
young people.
But money" as my friend truly said
| will not buy for them equally precious
| instruction in personal graces. I dread
the thought of allowing my children to de-
velop into gawky, shy, silent, laundering
man and womanhood
| Il know, by my own hard experience"
she assured me with brave frankness,
what cruel handicap it is not to be
able to claim a place as a welcome and
attractive member of general society. 1
| long to see my two bows and their sisters
win friends easily when the time comes
| for them to start out in life in our big
cities where personal agteeability counts
for so much in ones success.
| Il must. if possible, save them the quite
awful unhappiness that springs from a
lack of ease. from struggles against diff
dence. and from want Of ready tact and
cheerful conversation
| But what am l to do" she asked
Situated as am? We live in a coal min
ing center where my husband receives a
fine salary, but where the opportunities
for the sturdy and practice of pretty man
ners are practically nil. I rarely or never
entertain because my neighbors are sim.
pie. busy people. I have suffered intoler.
ably all my life from a lack Of social ad
Vantages, for, as you know, I am the
daughter Of a country doctor and married
at 49, Now 1 have come to you for ligh
on this problem and I beg you will assis
me with some helpful suggestions"
The Finest Influence.
yours, my dear lady" l said. smiling
sis a cloud with a very silvery lining
You have a comfortable home. Trail
your children there and Under your own
intelligent direction. The finest nf1uenc,
toward social charm they can ever know
should be made very evident right aroun,
fire.
But 1 don't know how she began.
Then l shall tell you,' l answered
''Of course. l am aware that as a goo
mother and woman Of refinement yo
r are already taking infinite pains to dri
them in the A, B. c. of etiquette. Yo
are the careful critic of their table man
ners; you do not allow the boys to tram
thru the house with noisy boots or so
gravy with their bread; the girls are nc
! permitted to stare at strangers or tax
chicken chop bones in their fingers
But beyond this point I doubt if 70
have done much for the perfection of you
chldrens manners. nor are you as ye
making your effort quite in the rigt
r direction.
q II can see that you have fallen into tt
II common error of believing that the on
= way to learn to be charming is to go OF
+ into the world and acquire that art
v contract with strangers; by attendir
y balls, dinners, etc.
Ia lone way it certainly is, but it is ais
w the very hardest way, and 1 want to NAL
IS you understand that, no matter where yc
" live or how you live. the best school fl
y social culture is right in the family circl
n IT know a famly-a southern one, too
ID whose experiences will serve to point N