Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1904-03-26
A NEW MEAT DRESSING


81 never see can of condensed milk that
I am not reminded of what scattsr-brain-
ed idiot Of q boy was about the time when
was first learning to handle a razor" said
Washington man who. in his forties now,
is very far from being atter-brained. "AS
there isn't, on the face Of 1t, any sort OF
connection between condensed milk and
boyish brainlessness, here's the answers
"One summer, when I was about sixteen.
and a no-account, overgrown lummox OF a
boy my dad got me job. We were living
in Philadelphia at the time. The Job was
pretty soft for me. There was q govern
ment boat Of some kind or other making a
survey of the Delaware river The survey
had something to do with the tides and all
that sort Of thing-the details of the boat 8
work have got away from me. But can
remember how soft and suitable my part
of the work was. My station was on
dock about ten miles below Philadelphia, on
the Delaware river. All had to do was to
sit on the dock and, with a sort of measur-
ing line, keep track of how many inches
the water Of the river fell and rose dur
ing the day. while the government boat slid
up and down the river, doing Its survey
work. This made vast hit with me, this
job. involving, as 1t did, SO much heavy
sitting around. I haven't run into any
snap quite as good as that since.
II used to make my meals with the Of
ficers of the government boat. rowing out
to the boat in a skiff with which was pro-
vided. That meal thing appealed power
fully to my Imagination three times day,
too, for the meals were fine and fllin ana
l was. as say. big and overgrown boy.
well. the first dinner 1 sat down to at
the officers mess table the condensed
milk thing happened. I was the only
youngster at the table and those omcers
had lot of new kinks In the way OF table
manners that wasn't on to, for came
of h,,f rpOtS and the man
ners thing wasn't the strongest clutch at
our home But 1 watched the ofncers
narrowly, and determined to let nothing
get by me that l thought looked right.
Fact is 1 was so impressed with the eie-
gance of the mess game and the genlal
dignity of the officers and their worldly way
and so on, that I determined to put on as
wise and experienced a manner myself as
1 knew how.
well, at that first dinner, the mess at.
tendant served US first with the roast beer
and then the coffee-mariners liking 10
have their coffee with their heavy eataples;
l happened to be the first to be served
with coffee, and right on top of the conee
the mess attendant handed me a can OF
condensed milk.
Now, I had never seen such tning as
a can of condensed milk nor condensed
milk in any other form. in my life before;
II was all a new thing to me-condensed
milk. My folks were old-fashioned, ana
they used cows milk on the table at nome.
attendant and those officers at the table
that condensed milk was new gag on me?
mot any! took the can from the plate
on which the mess attendant handed II 10
me- I only looked at 1t out of the tail or
my eye but it was instantly borne In upon
me that the stuff was some kind OF meat
dressing with which wasn't familiar Inat
it could be meant to give coffee It's color
was the last thing I thought Of. So I dug
a spoon into it, brought out enough TO
sweeten a gallon of coffee, and. with the
SPOON spread 1t thick all over my roast
beef.
hear him. But the officer sitting at my left
saw the performance, and he gazed at me
in puzzled sort of way.
MY young friend he said to me In as
constituent, aren't you going to use any OF
the milk for your coffee?'
"'Oh. no. thanks 1 replied offhand, I
never use 1t in my coffee. Roast meats the
only thing I use 1t on
HE eyed me as IL he thought me insane
as we'll he might have!-and then took the
condensed milk himself. I was so busy
with the stuff on my plate that 1 didn't
notice what he did with the condensed
milk.
well that roast beef. with the con-
densed milk plastered all over 1t, almost
killed me. but was dead game. all right.
l ate It, every last mouthful. I saw that
his eyes, and the more he looked at me
that way the faster / ate the roast beef
with the condensed milk dressing. Not
only that. but for the two weeks during
which I held that Job and ate my meals on
board that government boat plastered my
meat every day with condensed milk and
grueled myself eating the awful mixture,
because I was too much of a pin-head to
admit even to myself, that I'd made a bad
break! 1t wasn't until years after that I
found out what a joke I'd BEEN and I
have hated the sight Of condensed milk
ever since