Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1904-06-23

joke. especially when 1t was ON me.
and at breakfast we became very good
friends. He invited me to his club
and we--and the legal limb spent the
afternoon there. His face grew big
ger and jollier each hour, and finally
he became very confidential. Refer
ring to his own peccadilloes, he made
the statement that he had the best
natured wife in the world. / had no
reason to controyert this, butlhe SEEM
ed to think that / doubted it,and went
ON to accumulate testimony.
We've never had quarrel vet.
though we've been married sixteen
years" he declared ''Ill bet that no
matter what | might do when I go
home she'd smile through it ALL"
This didn't interest me, but my legal
guardian seemed curious. He even
went SO far as to doubt our friend.
1t wasn't long before they had patch
ed up some sort of wager between
them. The husband was to go home to
supper, appear intoxicated, raise row.
break dishes and otherwise generally
make an ass of himself. If his wife
kept her temper it was on the sheriff,
and vice versa.
Bill--hi name was William jerks
started off ahead. We were to follow
at distance and observe results from
the yard. Bill began to totter and sway
as he neared the house, and presently
Mrs. J. ran out of the front gate to
meet him. She picked up his hat from
the ground, brushed it and put it on
and then kissed him: then she guided
his uncertain legs into the house. When
I'VE reached the window which looked
into the parlor we saw Bill sitting on
the floor, bowling incoherencies at his
wife, who was trying to help him pull
of his shoes. When they were of, he
commanded, "Put 'em on the mantel-
piece" And she did 1t. Then he got
up and staggered across the room and
fell just before he reached sofa.
"What did yer pull sofa way forg'
he howled.
"Oh, William, forgive me! didn't
know I'm so awkward. Did you hurt
yourself?" And she tried to help him
up. But he wouldn't get up and con-
tinued to abuse her like a pickpocket.
Finally she induced him to go into the
dining room and sit down at the sup
per table AS a prelude he SHE'D
teacup past her head and against the
wall. Then he pulled away the table,
cloth, and with 1t the dishes, and sat
down on the floor amid the ruins.
What did that wonder of woman
do but plump down ON the floor in front
of him and say, with smile as Of graf
ified pleasure: "Why, William, isn't
this nice? We haven't eaten on the
floor since we were married. So like
the old picnic days!' Then she tried
to rearrange the broken crockery and
rescue the supper. 1t was too much for
me, and / guess Bill thought he had
gone far enough, for he began to smile
and abandoned his assumed inebriety.
s'NIary, my DEAR lie said, Il brought
home couple Of friends to supper.
They're outside and"
brought home friends to support
cried his wife, jumping to her feet.
Brought them home to supper, did
you, without notice to me, when you
knew it was Sally's afternoon out! I'll
teach your And she set both hands
In his hair and shook him. 1--we stood
your freaks for sixteen years and been
patient and loving, but this. is more
than human nature is capable Of.
Friends! No warning! What would
they think Of meg'
Our entrance relieved the tragedy,
but jerks was terror stricken. The
surprise was too much for him. For
the first time lie realized that even the
most docile of women have reserva-
lions and that every worm has some
turning point. He finally explained
the joke. and it was received with his
wife's smiles. He was desperately
e.nxious to square himself, and then
and there presented her with $50. to
which the sheriff added the ten dollar
bill which lie insisted he had lost on
the wager. / saw jerks the following
evening. You'll never guess" ne SAID,
sswhat that woman did with the thir-
ty."
acknowledged my incapacity TO
cope with the subject
Bought me d smoking jacket q
meerschaurn pipe and three boxes 2
Havanas. And. my boy" he added,
.sI'7e quit drinking. She's 50 good tna'
nm going To see all can OF her 10 my
lifetime. for we'll keep house separate
II lii the next world