davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The progress., 1904-06-11
Two Too Many.

"Triplets," said wee Winkletop, with
a very knowing air, always come to
poor families. It's when God sends them
whole line of samples to pick from,
and they hasn't enough money to pay
the expressman to take two of 'em
back. k."-Lippincott's Magazine.
The progress., 1904-06-11
A Difference.

When I beg to stay up late at night
They say It will not do.
'Tfs time you got your beauty sleep,
Such a little girl as your!
But when there's dishes to be washed,
And lots of work to do,
They say: Come. Mildred. you can help
Such great big girl as your
Cincinnati ENQUIRER,
The progress., 1904-06-11

Husband-We shall really have to
economize, dear. Don't you think you
could try and make your own dresses?
Wife-I'm sure couldn't, dear; but
Ill tell you what I'll do, if you like
I'll try and make you suit of clothes
Ally SlOper
The progress., 1904-06-11
Alwavs BUSY,

The congressman is under
A fearful mental strain.
He gets here. and starts to work
That he may come again.
Washington Star.
The progress., 1904-06-11
New Caste.

Two men were discussing the social sta
ton of a lord who had married an Amert
can girl.
You say his social position has i'm
proved since he married herr"
"Yes, indeed Formerly he was only a
nobleman, but now he belongs to our heir
esstocracy. Nv ashington Star.
The progress., 1904-06-11
A Strenuous Occupation.

English Tourist suppose there is a
great deal of work attached to the presi-
dency of this country.
| American-There is when you are
looking for enomination.-Town Top
The progress., 1904-06-11

First Rabbit-What makes Cottonta,l
so stuck up2
Second Rabbit-He heard that cotton
is advancing and thinks he must be rich.
s-Brooklyn Life.
The progress., 1904-06-11
The Successful Suitor.

He laid his true heart at her feet.
His rival better planned,
Who laid. with shrewdness hard to beat,
His checkbook in her hand.
-philadelphia Press
The progress., 1904-06-11
Botanic Blood Balm fB. .B.B.] 4
Knocked Out by Time.

A Cleveland woman threw an alarm
clock at burglar and knocked him out
of the window. That burglar is now in
a position to acknowledge that woman
can throw straight enough if you give her
me.--Indianapolis Journal.
The progress., 1904-06-11
His Courage,

Does your father ever kiss your
nanny, Willie?" asked the lady who
had once been the gentleman's sweet
heart.
"Yes, every morning when he goes
away to the CITY,"
Dear me! And to think that once
doubted his courage. Chicago Record
Herald.
The progress., 1904-06-11

She-Yes. she's engaged to Smalley,
although she once told me that she
wouldn't marry the best man living.
He-Well. she has stuck to her state
ment even if she does marry Smalley.-
Chicago Daily News
The progress., 1904-06-11
Probably Lost the Job.

81 should like to have my hair
dressed in the newest STYLE" said the
lady entering the hairdresser's.
'Yes, maam," said the girl attend
ant will you wait for it or shall we
send it home?"-Yonkers Statesman
The progress., 1904-06-11

One Of the English weekly papers tells
. good "caddie" story. A distinguished
amateur came to the links with the air Of
one who has only to come and see in order
to conquer.
"Haw. caddie.' he said.
Eyes, sir"
whats the length of this hole"
"Two hundred yards, sir"
"Haw, see.. just a drive and putt"
He addressed the ball, swung, and drove
it couple Of yards.
moo" said the caddie, moo for the
dell Q, a puttw-N. Y. Tribune.
The progress., 1904-06-11

A Pennsylvania farmer has had his wife
arrested for cruelty because she insisteil
on grinding out "Hiawatha" on phono-
graph There are limits beyond which it
is unsafe to go even in torturing an
Observation-Disclosures Union.
The progress., 1904-06-11
As to Mr.. Higginside.

Girl with the Gibson Girl Neck
You're the first person ever heard say
that young Mr.. Hugginside is clannish.
Girl with the Julia Marlowe Dimple-
I didn't say he was clannish l said
he was clammish. Tribune.
The progress., 1904-06-11

BILLY Smith has given up smok.
ing"
What made him do that?''
Dropped his cigarette butt in q
keg of powder r"-Cornel Widow
The progress., 1904-06-11
Don,t Get Footsore! Get Foot-E

A wonderful powder that cures tired, hot,
aching feet and makes new or tight shoes
easy. Ask to-day for Aliens Foot Ease.
Address A. S. Olmsted, LIE Roy, N. Y.
The progress., 1904-06-11

Wise Proprietor.-Guest lin cheap res
taurant) Here, waiter! This food is
vile, and I don't propose to pay for it
Where's the proprietor" Waiter-"He 4
gone home to lunch, sir."-Philadelphia
Ledger.
The progress., 1904-06-11

A man who is noted for the reluctance
with which he declares definite and posi-.
tive Judgments was talking to some friends
in his office.
A flock of sheep, newly sheared, passed
by. :,
"Thcse sheep have just been sheared,"
observed one of the visitors.
The non-committal proprietor of the Of
flee gazed out the window while his guests
waited. Finally after the last sheep had
passed, he said:
at looks like it, on this side."--
Youths Companion
The progress., 1904-06-11
Because.

Because his wife cannot
Make hats like mother used to make,
Each spring he never fails to go
Dead broke like father used to break.
Judge,
The progress., 1904-06-11

Mr.. Plane (who ,i;, is fond .,t Of dogs)aNss
an intelligent animal about the house thas
would protect you and" Miss Waite
"Oh, Mr.. Plane! This is so sudden. Phil
adelnha Press.
The progress., 1904-06-11
How to Keep House.

With all the luxuries and pleasures Of
this life, its big enjoyments and its smaller
comforts, there is an offset or antithesis
which we have to contend with in the
form of aches and pains. In some way
and by some means every one has touch
of them in some form at some time.
Tritiing as some of them may be, the
risk is that they will grow to something
greater and rack the system with con-
slant torture. There is nothing, theE
fore, of this kind that we have a right to
triAe with. Taken in time, the worst
forms of aches and pains are easily sub
dued and cured by the free use of st.
Jacobs Oil. No well regulated household
ought to be without a bottle of this great
remedy for pain. 1t is the specific virtue
of penetration in st. Jacobs Oil that
carries it right to the pain spot and
effects prompt cure even in the most
painful cases of Rheumatism, Neuralgia,
Sciatica, Lumbago. You want it also in
the house at all times for hurts, cuts
and wounds, and the house that always
has it keeps up sort Of insurance against
pain.
When you borrowed that 100 marks
from me you said you needed it for. a
short time" Exactly, and | only had it
a short time-l spent it all that day!"--
II
The progress., 1904-06-11
The Evanescent Plunger.

The race horse once again Is here
The betting man is on the spot,
The race horse will be back next year.
It's 2 to l the man will not.
-Washington Star
The progress., 1904-06-11

| am sure Piso's Cure for Consumption
Robbins, Norwich, n. Y, Feb. II, 1900.
The progress., 1904-06-11

The best clubhouse for boys is home.
N. Y, Tribune,
The progress., 1904-06-11

An officehoder needs little push if he
has pull.-Chicago Daily New~.
The progress., 1904-06-11

Putnam Fadeless Dyes do not stain the
hands or spot the kettle, except green and
purple
The progress., 1904-06-11
Not the Real Thing.

Singsong-Does Graspit go by the golden
rule?
Bifbang Well, not exactly.
Flows that"
"The rule he uses is only plated. Gin.
cinnati Enquirer. ~
The progress., 1904-06-11
Saving His Sympathy.

Mother-I declare, am positively
provoked at your father. l am doing
my best to secure you titled husband,
and be hasn't the least sympathy with
my plans.
Daughter-Perhaps he is keeping his
sympathy for me, in case you succeed In
carrying out your plans.-Brooklyn
Life.
The progress., 1904-06-11

King Edward studied medicine and
surgery good deal while prince of Wales.
The progress., 1904-06-11

so you won't tell who gave you your
new ball"
mo. heard mamma say never to tell
you anything, because you couldn't
keep t."-Chicago American.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1904-07-15
Fatal to Noxious Weeds.

Owners Of lawns and grass plots
have great trouble every year in keep
ing them free from the pestiferous
dandelion. A benevolent citizen who
has experienced lots Of this trouble
writes to say that many people bring
more of this trouble on themselves by
trying to exterminate dandelions by
cutting the plant off just below the
ground. A great deal of this is done
early in the spring by people collecting
young dandelion plants for greens"
they being an excellent and wholesome
pot herb. This, it is said, does not kill
the plant, but causes each root to throw
out several shoots, and thus multiplies
the number of dandelions.
The correspondent mentioned writes
to impress his fellow sufferers that IL
when they cut off the dandelion plant
below the ground they will drop q
pinch of salt or teaspoonful of coal
oil on the root left in the ground it
will effectually kill 1t. This may seem
a troublesome job, but to one who is
set on keeping his grass plot clear of
dandelions it will in the end save a lot
of trouble.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1904-07-15
LincOln's Poetry.

It Is a sentimental habit of speech
to regret the ''songs never sung" Yet
the dispassionate critic knows there is
quite enough poetry, unless 1t Is of the
very best; he has no tears for mute,
inglorious Miltons." But there Is no
true American who would not pay
price for certain batch Of poems
probably long ago destroyed.
Gibson William Harris, who was a
law student in Lincoln & Herndon's
office from 1S45 to 1S47, has written
for the Woman's Home Companion
some Of his recollections Of Abraham
Lincoln. In putting the office in order
one morning, he came upon two or
three quires Of letter paper, stitched to-
gether, inside a desk. He turned the
leaves, and found that they were COW
cred with stanzas in Mr.. Linccln's
neat, running hand.
When Mr.. Lincoln came In the young
man took the manuscript out Of the
desk again, and held 1t up with the
unnecessary and impairment inquiry
whether the poems were his.
"Where did you find it?'' asked Mr..
Lincoln.
He took the manuscript, rolled 1t up
and stuffed it into his pocket. 1t was
never seen again. The theory Of the
writer who tells this story is that 1t
was taken home and put into the fire.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1904-07-15
DOES A VACATION PAY2

Does it pay to regain your cheerful
personality?
Does it pay to sip power from its
very fountain head?
Does it pay TO increase your creative
power and originality?
Does it pay to get firmcr grip on
your business or profession!
Does it pay to regain your lost comb
dence by upbuilling your health?
Will fresh vigorous brain serve you
better than tagged. jaded one!
Do you want to get rid Of the scars
and stains of the years campaign!
Does it pay to exchange faced, stiffen-
ed muscles for strong, elastic ones!
Does it pay to get a new grip on
life aud to double your power to do
good work?
Does it pay to put iron into the blood
and to absorb granite strength from the
everlasting hills7
Does it pay to renew the buoyancy
and light-heartedness, the spontaneity
and enthusiasm Of YOUTH
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1904-07-15
SAVED CHILD'S LIFE.
Remarkable Cure of Dropsy by Dodd's
Kidney Pills.

Remarkable Cure of Dropsy by Dodd's
Kidney Pills.
Sedgwick, Ark, July 1.-THE case
Of W. S. Taylor's little son is looked
upon by those interested in medical
matters as one of the most wonderful
on record. In this connection his faith
or makes the following statement:
Last September my little boy had
Dropsy; his feet and limbs were swol-
len to such an extent that he could not
walk or put his shoes on. The treat
ment that the doctors were giving him
seemed to do him no good and two or
three people said his days were short,
even the doctors, two of the best in
the country, told me he would not get
better. l stopped their medicine and
at once sent for Dodd's Kidney Pills.
1 gave him three pills day, one morn
ing, noon and night for eight days; at
the end Of the eighth day the swelling
was all gone, but to give the medicine
justice, gave him eleven more pills.
l used thirty-fve pills In all and he
was entirely cured. consider your
medicine saved my child's life. When
the thirty-fve pills were given him, he
could run, dance and sing, whereas be-
fore he was an invalid In his mothers
arms from morning until night"
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1904-07-15
WRONG TRACK.
Had To Switch.

Even the most careful person Is apt
to get on the wrong track regarding
food sometimes and has to switch over.
When the right food is selected the
host of ails that come from improper
food and drink disappear, even where
the trouble has been of lifelong stand
ing
"From child l was never strong
and had a capricious appetite and |
was allowed to eat whatever [ fancied
rich cake, highly seasoned food, hot
biscuit, etc.-so it was not surprising
that my digestion was soon out Of or
der and at the age Of twenty-three
was on the verge Of nervous prostra-
ton. I had no appetite and as | had
been losing strength because l didn't
get nourishment in my daily food to
repair the wear and tear on body and
brain) / had no reserve force to fall
back on, lost flesh rapidly and no medi-
cine helped me.
s'Then 1t was a wise physician or
dered Grape-Nuts and cream and saw
to it that gave this food new to me-
q proper trial, and it showed he knew
what he was about, because | got bet
ter by bounds from the very first. That
was in the summer and by winter
was in better health than ever before
in my life, had gained In flesh and
weight and felt like new person alto
gether In mind as well as body, all due
to nourishing and completely digestible
food, Grape-Nuts.
''This happened three years aGo and
never since then have had auy but
perfect health, for stick to my Grape
Nuts food and cream and still think it
delicious. | eat it every day. | never
tire Of this food and can enjoy saucer
of Grape-Nuts and cream when moth
ing else satisfies my appetite and It's
surprising how sustained and strong a
small saucerful will make one feel for
hours" Name given by Postum Cereal
Co. Battle Greek, Mich.
True food that carries one along and
there's reason" Grape-Nuts 10 days
proves big things.
Get the little book, 1.-The Road to
MELVILLE" In each pkg.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1904-07-15
Future Great Men.

The replies Of Mr.. Root to the news
paper men who interviewed him while
he was Secretary Of War were often
sharp and witty. One day, says the
New York Times, a number of them,
entering his office, found him signing
documents.
"What are you doing, Mr.. Secre-
tary 2" they asked.
appointing lieutenant generals, .
was the instant reply. AS he was sign
ing the commissions of West Point
graduates, it is safe to say that none of
those commissioned would have doubt
ed that he spoke the truth.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1904-07-15
THE TRUSTS.

Laws enacted by the Republican party
which the Democratic party failed to en-
force, and which were intended for the pro-
lection Of the public against the unjust
discrimination or the Illegal encroachment
Of vast aggregations Of capital have been
fearlessly enforced by Republican Pres
ident, and new laws insuring reasonable
publicity as to the operation Of great cor
porations and providing additional rem
edies for the prevention Of discrimination
In freight rates have been passed by a Re-
publican Congress.
In this record of achievement during the
past eight years may be read the pledges
which the Republican party has fulfilled.
We propose to continue these policies, and
we declare our constant adherence to the
following principles
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1904-07-15
OVER $1,000 IDLE.
The Biggest Battle Ever Waged IN tue
rYo+h;ug Trade in New York.

The big clothing strike in New YORK
City is considered the most serious eesa 1na a.
has ever affected this branch OF trade N 4
.6he metropolis. Over $4,000 men anu
women directly employed in the various
SSaaobos Of the trade are idle, and
Draat many more, such as expressmen'
norfers and statesmen, employed by the
t.;n,n,;,g manufacturers, are thrown out
OF employment
The number Of tailors affected, ihcl and
;no hasters. fnishers, operators any no
lug .s.,yaan Is $4,000. There are LAW
pnttsrs on strike and $4,000 others, in
e e,naipg the vestmakers, troosersmakers
e cruz hnnttonhole workers. A large mum
b br Of the strikers are Italian an E taels
The strike leaders explain the trouols
nv saving that 1t Is not strlke FOE
b ~ wages, but strike to prevent .
cut c1s in wages, which they fear may come
e,a 81. II the open-shop system becomes .
realitys
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1904-07-15
Democratic Platform 1904.

We insist that we ought to do for the
Filipinos what we have already done for
the Cubans, and 1t is our duty to make
that promise now and upon suitable guar
antees of protection to citizens Of our own
and other countries resident there at the
time Of our wit. Withdrawal set the Filipino
ent, to work out their own destiny.
The llea1 en ,d Of the Secretary; Of War,
for promoters In the Philippine Islands,
to make the United States a partner In
speculative legislation of the archipelago.
which was only temporarily held up by the
opposition of the Democratic Senators, in
the last session, will, If successful, lead
to entanglements from which it will be
difficult to escape.
All men under the American flag are en-
titled to the protection of the institutions
whose emblem the flag is; If they are inner.
emily unfit for those institutions then they
are Inherently unfit to be members of the
American body polite. Wherever there
may exist a people incapable of being gov
erned under American laws in consonance
with the American constitution that people
ought not to be part of the American do
main.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1904-07-15
Rural Liars.

Old Inhabitant Qoafng at Cross Roads
grocery)-Talkin' about crop failures,
remember a time when people had to
eat up all the farm stock and then live
on the fodder wot they had saved fer
the cattle.
Older Inhabitant-Huh! That's moth
in. Why, l re-colect the time when
provisions got SO scarce that the starv-
in farmers he'd to go out an shoot an
amatoor sportsman fer dinner, an then
cook him with the wood from the mo
Trespass" signs.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1904-07-15

We recognize that the gigantic trusts
and combinations designed to enable capt.
tai to secure more than It's just share of
the joint products of capital and labor and
which have been fostered and promoted I'M
der Republican rule are menace to bene-
fetal competition and an obstacle to per-
manent business prosperity.
A private monopoly Is indefensible and
intolerable. Individual equality Of oppor-
tunity and free competition are essential
to healthy and permanent commercial
prosperity, and any trust, combination or
monopoly tending to destroy these by , con
trolling production, restricting competition
or fixing prices should be prohibited and
punished by law. We especially denounce
rebates and discrimination by transporta-
tion companies as the most potent agency
In promoting and strengthening these I'M
lawful conspiracies against trade.
Amy trust or unlawful combination en-
gagged In interstate commerce which Is mo-
nopolizing any branch of business or pro-
duction should not be permitted to trans
act business outside of the State Of Its
origin. Whenever it shall be established
in any court of competent jurisdiction
that such monopolization exists such pro-
hibition should be enforced through COM
prehensiye laws to be enacted on the sub
ject
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1904-07-15
Her Curiosity.

Mrs. Chellus looks bad, doesn't sheY
Eyes, and no wonder. She's been
awake every night for a week past.
"The ideal What was the matterY
"She discovered about week ago
that her husband talks i'll his sleep, and,
of course, she bad to listen"
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1904-07-15
Heavy Travel to California.

Railroad men say that more people,
will go to California next August ana
September than at any time in the lasS
ten years.
The knights Templar, as we'll as the
Odd Fellows, meet in San Francisco in
September and the arrangements that
are now being made for their comfort
en- route, as well as for their entertain
ment during their stay in California.
are on a most elaborate scale. 1ndica-
tons are that as many as 10000 per-
sons will take advantage Of the reduc~
ed rates in effect Aug. Is to Sept. To-
These rates are as low as at any time
in the past-$5000 for the round trip
from Chicago; $47.50 from st. Louise
$4,000 from Missouri river points.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1904-07-15

ck Island System has done
|ng notably good work in en-
immigration to the South
h agricultural and industrial
lies of that section Of coun-
been pprsistently and system
It forth, as a result Of which
pr of people who have settled
Ina, Indian Territory and Ar
lis spring has been greater
Ears. On three days in Feb
March, over six thousand
ers took advantage of the low
The Southwest and removed
Is and their belongings to the
Opportunity
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1904-07-15

Our great interests and our growing com.
merce in the Orient render the condition OF
States We cordially commend the policy
pursued in that direction by the administra-
ton of President Mckinley and president
He has continued the policy Of President
Mckinley in the Orient, and our posltlon
In China, signalized by our recent CONNER
cial treaty with that empire, mas never
been SO high. NTH +bo
He secured the tribunal by which the
vexed and perilous question or the Alas
kan boundary was finally settled
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1904-07-15
FOREIGN POLICY .

We favor the preservation, so far as we
can, of an open door for the worlds COM
merce in the Orient without an unneces-
sary ENHANCEMENT in Oriental and Euro
pean affairs and without arbitrary, unlim-
fted, irresponsible and absolute government
anywhere within our jurisdiction.
We oppose the Republican policy Of starv-
ing home development in order to feed the
greed for conquest and the appetite for
national prestige and display Of
strength.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1904-07-15
THE TARIFF.

We denounce protection as a robbery Of
the many to enrich the few and we favor a
tariff limited to the needs of the govern
ment economically administered and SO
levied as not to discriminate against any in
dustry, class or section, to the end that
the burdens of taxation shall be distributed
as equally as possible
We favor revision and gradual reduc-
ton of the tariff by the friends of the
masses and for the common veal and not
by the friends of it's abuses, its extortions
and it's determinations, keeping in view the
equality Of opportunities" and the consti-
tutional purpose Of raising a revenue by
taxation-to-wit, the support. of the Fed
eral government in all It's integrity and
virility, but in simplicity.
We favor liberal trade arrangements
with Canada and with peoples Of other
countries where they can be entered into
with benefit to American agriculture, man
ufactures, mining or commerce.