The Hartford republican. (Hartford, Ky.) 18??-1926, 1904-08-19
PARKER'S RESPONSE,
Supposed Speech of Silent Man
Accepting Nomination.
Will do His Utmost to Fool the
PeopIe---How He Hypno-
tiZed Democracy.

Yellow Jacket
1t affords me great satisfaction to
know that any party reposes such un-
bounded confidence In me as to make
me Its standard bearer In a great con-
test like the one which Is now about
to open. Perhaps STANDARD bearer
Is not the word to use In this cam
paign, as we do not seem to have any
standard. But, anyhow, am glad to
know that have been deemed worthy
to be singled ont from among so many
able Democrats and entrusted with
the frazzle-ended banner of Democra-
cy, which has so long trailed In the
blue mud of defeat. l am not saying
that will be able to lift 1t up and
float 1t high In the upshiue OF vic.
tory. That would be taking too much
for granted. All I can promise Is,
that will do my utmost to fool the
people Into voting for me like fool
ed you fellows into nominating me.
have never talked much, but am
terrible deep thinker. can draw up
some of the most subtle plans you
ever heard of, as rule they work out
pretty we'll. Now that 1t Is all over
and have captured the nomln alton l
don't mind telling you how l worked
it. You will then be able to judge
what a resourceful candidate you have
got.
In the first place. wheedled In
with Hill and got him to become my
lieutenant. knew something OF his
ability as a worker Of underhaud
schemes. put him into the secret
OF my financial leanings, and told him
to communicate the news to all the
gold standard people. He did just as
/ had commanded him. / was then
sure that my lieutenant could bring
all the sound money delegates to my
support. I knew also that my lieu
tenant was capable OF makisg the sill
verites believe I favored their way OF
thinging. That was right ticklish
Job, but Mr.. Hill managed 1t we'll. l
put heavy bride on my tongue and
devoted all my energies to seeing how
silent could be. Mr.. Hill held the
ropes. When I gave him the wink,
then he pulled. We had decided to
suggest a gold plank and then pacity
the slverites by letting them kick 1t
out. willing to stand on a platform
with hole In 1t for the sake OF get
ting the two wings united for me In
the convention. intended all the
time to make my views known after
had gotten the nomination, tor felt
sure that the convention would not
have the heart to change Its decree
after 1t was once given out to the pub.
lie. l had that telegram written a
week before the convention met, aud
l knew perfectly we'll just how it was
all going to work out.
So you see l am cunning old fox
when set my head, and you may all
congratulate yourselves on having
such a schemer Tor your candidate.
Now If you will all forgive me for
fooliug you the way did; If you will
all set In and use your influence to
help me fool the voters as effectively
as l fooled you, there may be some
hope Of success in November.
am going to fling aside my judi
clal toga and put on my political
bathing suit and dive into toaming
torrent OF politics with even more
zest than have ever shown in split
ting the old Hudson here at Rose.
mount.
am glad to be the candidate OF
the Democratic party, not that have
much hope Of winning, but because
there Is some honor In being the lead
er even OF iorlorn hope. To be the
idol of ones party and to be the re-
cipient Of the minority vote of the
country means a whole lot to a fellow
ike me.