The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1904-02-16
THE NONPAREJL MAN
Aunty DoIefuPs Definition Of Faith as
B That State Of Mind That Hopes FeebIy
for the Best, but Confidently Expects
the Worst.

That State Of Mind That Hopes Feebly
for the Best, but Confidently Expects
the Worst.
When we hear some people telling of
their strong faith in the ultimate triumph
Of the good, we recall Aunty Dolefups
definition of faith as "hoping for the best
but expecting the worst"
The Petoskey Tyre tells of an Alpena
girl who was too modest to retire when
there was a copy Of the Christian OBJ
server in the room.
I The Adrian Democrat tells of an es-
teemed fellow citizen who was troubled
with pimples on his nose, and concluded
it was time to ''do something for it, He
bottle of liniment, which he applied
twice a day for several weeks. In the
meantime his nose got no better very rap
idly, but instead began to assume gigan-
tic proportions At last he consulted his
wife and asked her advice. She asked
him what he'd been doing, and he told
her. he had been using that liniment in
the pantry What lniment?" she asked.
So he got the bottle and showed 1T to her.
t'Well, Of all the FOOLS" exclaimed the
wife, "That amt liniment; that's bot
tie of bust developer
People who have done a little something
In mines will appreciate a late definition
Of the word bonanza A bonanza is a
hole in the ground owned by an Internal
liar.
The casket people have formed trust.
The best way to fool them fellows Is to
keep right on living, and we intend to
try to do so from this time on. Down with
the trusts!
Russia reminds one Of the United States
senate in it's habit Of headlong precipl-
fancy.
Again has Mr.. schwab gone to Europe
''for rest'-as if there wasn't rest enough
for anybody in the United States
The cold snap in Missouri was so Sc
we're that it froze the vegetables in Fay
cite. Mrs. J. r. Gallemore Of that place
put frozen pumpkin into the oven to
thaw. 1t thew too quick. The family was
startled at hearing noise like the report
of a small cannon. On entering the kit
chen the doors were found to have blown
off the stove and pumpkin and pumpkin
seed were scattered all over the kitchen
The family were badly frightened. 1t
ruined the pumpkin.
~
have been built by the fireproof building
architect.
"You may fight all you want to, gen.
tlemen.' remarks Uncle Sam, but dad
bling the man that interferes with my
markets. Amt that SO, Europe?" And
| Europe seems to agree.
| High taxes for the billboard nuisance
| are proposed by Governor Murphy of New
Jersey. One of the best taxes ON the bill
board we know of is the neighboring
| householder with an ak Firewood in a
climate like this is always valuable.
That eminent American author on naval
strategy, Captain Mahan, who declared
that Admiral Sampson was the real victor
at Santiago, is not moved from his strict
ly judicial attitude by the early and not
unexpected triumphs Of the Japanese
navy. Unlike many others far less quail
/ flied to judge he recognizes that the cam
paign, to say nothing of the war, is just
| beginning and that this is no time tc
Jump at conclusions. Captain Mahan, how.
ever, does not deny that the Japanese
were present at the Port Arthur affair.
| In buying Missouri mules Russia is ne
| gotiating for few more dents.
The Adrian Democrat. complaining bit.
terly OF the little man arl1cted witt
cussedness,' who nibs you in the bach
with the tusks Of scandal and doesn't ever
tear the flesh, and who sticketh his mug
in public places with a smile thereon like
the CHASTITY grin of murdered Turk
bursts into song as follows:
! Why talk about your neighbors so:
| Your stories are not true, you know.
| It's cussedness-pure cussedness.
| Why shake your head and say "Its sad;
That fellow likely lad,
| But now he's going to the bad?'
! That's cussedness-pure cussedness.
| But my goodness, we've got to have
something to talk about
i There is report that Mrs. Stuyvesan
Fish intends to curtail her social life con
! siderably during the next six months ant
occupy herself seriously with the writins
of a book. Judging from personal expert
ence, we have no scruples in saying tina
if Mrs. Fish does this thing she will, In
side of year, be about $50 out of pocket
Three or four years ago we curtailet
our social life considerably and wrote :
book Up to date we have whole wood
shed full Of experience with outstandin,
bills for $50 and several complimentar!
, press notices.