Lincoln County leader. [volume] (Toledo, Lincoln County, Or.) 1893-1987, 1904-09-30
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O@SSN~N~S~SNONONS
Local 0racle-Know t Dock o.
BlankshireP Ay. | dare says | knows
I'm better than any one in these parts.
Woy, my darter married one O. is sta
BILE 'ands. Scraps.
1T serves her good and right" How
now" 'She became engaged on Fri
day and married on the 18th" "WellY
well, now she can't get divorce!-
New York Evening Sun.
She-So you think that men are
smarter than women, do you? He
Some men, but not all. She-Well,
what men are smarter? He-Old bach
elors.-Illustrated Bits.
What do you put on your face after
shaving" asked the man who smelled
of bay rum. Court plaster, usually"
replied the nervous chap, gloomiy.-
Cincinnati Commercial Tribune.
Does your little girl know how to
spellT "Oh, dear no. That's so pie
beian. and we expect her to marry a
man who is rich enough to let her
have an amanuensis." s."-Chicago Post.
Have you heard about the latest In
surance company" "No; what Is it?"
why, it's one that promises to pay all
mony to both parties In case the mar
rlage proves failure. Detroit Free
Press.
Miss Vane-Some one told me to-day
that | was the handsOmest girl in our
street. Miss Speitz-Oh, that's not in
durable! Miss Vane-What do you
mean? Miss Speitz-Your habit Of
talking to yourself!
Baxter-We had some fine music ut
the concert last night. Caxton-I
thought you didn't enjoy high-class
music. BaIter-Oh, l didn't enjoy 1t;
that's why l know 1t must have been
high class.-Boston Transcript.
Augustus (no longer the youthful
Well, there's one comfort; they say at
40 man Is either fool or a physl-
clan. Angelina (nearly swallowing a
yawn)-And are you physician, then1
Augustus-No. Angelina-Oh!
Used to It.-Tommy was visiting a
nelghbor's At dinner the hostess apol-
ogized to him because the table linen
was soiled at his plate. "Oh' that's
nothing" he assured her, promptly;
ours Is worse'n that at home."-
Brooklyn Life.
THAT land said the city nephew, "is
valued at $500 front foot" "Thun-
deraton" exclaimed the old farmer.
hastily moving back on to the side
walk. "And l stood on 1t most five
minutes Do you reckon they'll charge
me rent?'-Chicago Post.
Among a number Of notes received
by teacher In excuse for the absence
was the following: Dear Teacher:
Kindly excuse Minnie for having been
absent yesterday, as she fell In the
mud on her way to school. BY doing
the same, you will oblige, Her Mother"
They had been engaged a long time.
and one evening were reading the
paper together. Look, look" he ex-
claimed, "only fifteen dollars for a suit
Of clothes" "Is It wedding suitT'
she asked, looking naively at her lover.
"Oh, no." he replied, ut Is business
suit" "Well. l meant business" she
replied
A military officer went downtown
with his little daughter one morning.
Before long the little lady found herself
unable to keep up with her fathers
swinging stride, and she was obliged 10
cry a halt. please, pa" she said II
would like you not to walk so fast,
for l can't keep up with you. Can't
you walk nice and slow like a police
manW
"a woman can't keep secret" de-
cares the mere man. "Oh, l don't
know" retorts the nuttery woman:
i've kept my age a secret since | was
"a" yes; but one Of these days you
will give 1t away. In time you will
simply have to tell It." "Well, think
that when woman has kept a secret
for twenty years she comes pretty near
KNOWING INV W hcep IL ~ uuSc.
During the late Boer war, just after
the fall of Bloemfontein, soldiers were
called upon, owing to the scarcity of
civilians, to work the railway. The
weary men were lying in camp one
night, after hard days work, when
sergeant called out: ANY Of you wish
to put your name down as railway por-
ters, drivers, stokers, guards, or any
other appointment connected with the
The silence was broken only
by snores. Then one Of the men slow
ly raised his head. Put me down as
a sleeperw he shouted drowsily.
A curious and amusing mixture Of
early piety and worldliness came to