The semi-weekly messenger. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1897-1908, 1904-05-03
HERE u THERE.

How do you like Parker7" We'll.
/ dunno. What team Is he on?"-
Chicago Record-Herald.
What would you suggest as a
name for my new yacht2'' why.
1t seems to me the Floating Debt
would be OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES
Evening Post.
Mr.. Critique-"Yes, indeed. my
house IS simply full OF Titans.- Mrs.
Observation-Disclosures gracious, clint
there no way of killing 'em ~
Princeton Tiger
Teacher-So I've caught you chew
ing gum. have II" Sammy-'No,
I wasn't chewin'. I was jes. keepin'
it there instead OF in my pocket" It's
so sticky."-Chicago Daily News.
Laura-"why didn't you stay en-
gagged to Arthur" Alive-"I ex-
pected a radium ring at least: and
he offered me a paltry old common
diamond.""incinnau Commercial
Tribune.
You don't feel IN sympathy for
the colleague who was convicted of
grafting?" Not the slightest an
swered Senator Sorghum: This lack
of honesty was equaled only by the
primitive insuficiency of his meth
ods."-Washington Star.
Mrs. Popley-"Mr. D'Auber re-
marked to-day that our Robert was
like a young Apollo" Mr.. Popley-
"Oh! that's the way with those ar
fists; they're always trying to make
people think we'll of those old clas-
steal heroes."NPhiladelphia Press.
Head of Bureau-"I suppose you
know something of the duties of the
Officer" Applicant-"Oh, yes. They
are to come late, GO home early, and
do as little as possible while you are
here" Head of Gureou-"Quite sat
i~sfactory; you must have held public
Office before."-Boston Transcript.
Eddie-"Aren't You sorry that you
are an only child?" Freddie-'Oh.
no; 1 don't mind it, but it's tough on
pa" Eddie-"How SOP" Freddie
We'll, you see, I'm getting too big
for him to have to take me to the
circus, and there aren't any younger
kids in the family for him to fall
back on."-Brooklyn Life.
Say complained the customer,
Il want to put in a kick. Remem-
Der that ton of coal I got here yes
terday?" Eyes, SIR" said the dealer.
What's the matter with it?" You
sold it to me as your best smokeless.
l find it a a lot of broken stone in
II. wen, stone doesn't smoke, does
it? What are you kicking about?"-
Chicago Tribune.
HERE AND THERE.
OF the increase in value of Amer
lean exports last year over the year
before, which amounted to $3S,41S,-
613, S~35,342,395 was at southern
ports; n GO per cent of the total
increase in the LII of the country's
exports during the year was in cot
ton. The south saved the record Of
American outbound commerce.-Ex-
change.
A dispatch to The World from
Hamburg, Ia, describes the death of
a negro 81 years old. AS a 'practi-
cal joke" white men ccused the old
fellow of an imaginary crime, tied
him with ropes. nailed his feet to q
board, piled sh%avings around him,
poured oil over him and said they
were going to set it on fire. About
that time the victim died The body
was thrown into a corn crib, the
coroner'S jury reported natural
cause" and no arrests have been
made. Will The Des Moines Regis
ted n Leader tell us whether these
practical jokes are common in Iowa?
Does it think h a is keeping faith
with the negro who has migrated
from the south to hat hospitabIe
country where dwell his friends and
NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS.