The Birmingham age-herald., 1904-11-27
TALKS BY DOROTHY DIX
THE EFFECTS OF ABSENCE ON LOVE.

Is true that this plan does not always
 work. for there are a few faithful souls,
 the ardor of whoses affections neither time nor distance can cool, but in the ma
 Jority of cases absence gently, and pain lessly, but effectually, drugs love to
 death. Unless we happen to live In the same community few of us marry our first love. The young man who bids his weeping sweetheart goodbye as he starts
 out into the world to seek his fortune swears to her that when he becomes rich and famous he will return to claim her for his own. He does indeed, return in after years, but not to lead his faithful | love to the altar, for she has been hap
 oily married to the grocer this many year. and he has an interestinf family of his own, so effective has his absence
 been.
 If propinquity is so valuable in court ship 1t would seem that it ought to be
 equally valuable in matrimony. If a man falls in love with a woman because she is the one n sight, 1t looks as if the only logical and safe thing for her to do is to keep herself always on view, and many wives subscribe to this faith. There are women who never leave their husbands for single day. and who insist upon sharing all of their spouses' work and pleasure. They drag around the country with their Johns when John goes off on business trip; they learn to play golf be- cause John like it, though they hate 1t; they pretend an enthusiasm for fishing, though they loathe it. in order that their husbands may never be out of their sight. Theirs Is the matrimonial trust spirit-to establish such a monopoly on a man that 1t will head off all competition.
 It cannot be denied that there is much to be said ia support of this view of the situation. There is nothing for keeping a man at nome of evenings like knowing he has to render an account of himself if he Is absent, and the fear of his wife Is the beginning of virtue with more hus- bands than we wot of It's an old proverb that when the wifes away the husband will play, and without doubt the man who IS insistently and consistently chaperoned by his wife is a model of dis erection. Besides this. unsentmental as it is after the first romantic affection has burned out, domestic love Is mainly a good habit, and so long as nothing occurs to break Up the custom of thinking his Maria the most beautiful, ard attractive, and fascinating woman in the world, a man is liable to jog along without find ing out any better. There Is no disputing that there is much wisdom in woman keeping so close to her husband that he never gets a perspective on her, and sees her as she really is
 But the great tragedy of absence, es- pecially between married people, when 1t stretches over any considerable period of time, are the inevitable changes that are continually taking place in every human character. One either goes forward or backward In development, and it rarely happens that two people who are apart and in different environments keep the same step. If they had remained to- gether they would not have noticed the little changes in each other because they would have come so gradually, but when they meet again after a separation of year or so they cannot fail but notice the difference in each other. The man may have little vulgarities of speech and man. ner that the woman never observed be- fore, or he may wonder that he never saw how narrow and provincial she was. Life has no bitterer moment than that which reunites many a couple. s,tter a long absence, and in which tthey realize that they never can be one again.
 Not all of the arguments, however, are on the side of Chose who contend that love musts aiways be a personally con ducted eai.npaign, for if love can die of iohehhe -ss ih the absence of its beloved, IL lsl equally susceptible to the blighting lng1uence of ennui, and probably the dead est love in the world Is that which has yawned its slf into the grave. The proof of a good general love, as well as war. Is the knowing when to beat a masterly
 retreat, and many a girl has owned good husband to discreetly withdrawing herself at the proper moment from the scene of action. Great an aid as prox- unity is to marriage, there IS always the danger of it's being overdone and leading to commonplace safety. Many man has