The semi-weekly messenger., 1904-04-12
HERE AND THERE.

'oS-"Yes. indeed. I'D rather be right
than president" 'o4-'.well. I'd rather
be president and take chances. Cor
nell Widow.
Consider the iilies.'v she quoted.
II shall" he replied-"and q mighty
long time-before / pay a dollar apiece
for 'em.'-Atianta Constitution.
Boarder No. WHATS that loud
humping noise in the kitchen?s Board
er No. 2-'It's the landiady hammering
the steak and wishing it vas the Beef
Trust-"-Chicago Tribune
She-"Mrs. Doxey tells me that all
through Lent she had nothing for her
luncheon but bread and water" He
IN bet Ii was Boston brown bread
and Apollinaris water.''-Brooklyn Life
Mrs. Suburbs-.I thought YOU said
We could economize by living in the
country" Suburbs-"But. my dear.
didn't know then that you would insist
on raising our own vegetables. Judge.
Its nonsense to say the way of the
transgressor is had,'' remarked the
man who had been taken in by an oily
swindler. "Yes?" Yes, his way is
usually suave.'-Philadelphia Ledger.
Life is full of trials" said the nelan-
choly citizen. Yes answered Mr.
Grafton of the trials are resulting in
convictions. s."-Washington Star.
Ernie-"Gussie Sapp says If l, relIse
him he will go away and join either
the japanese or Russian army" Belle
Then accept him. Those nations
have enough troubles already.''-Chica-
go Daily News.
Nostalgia must be perfectly dread
full said Mrs. Oldcostle Yes" re-
piled her hostess. Il used to suffer ter
rible with it, but Josiah has a bottle
of mustang liniment that by rubbin' it
on your face will cure it in one night"
Chicago Record-Herald.
Towne-"De Ritter has had a novel
published. I hear" Browne-"Yes, it's
called 'Pygrnalion,' and it's having quite
a sale in Chicago" Towne-"1ndeed?"
Browne-"Yes.> believe the people
there were misled by the first syllable.
They thought the book had something
to do with their great home Industry
Philadelphia Press.
. If we are going to have royalty, we
should have it sure enough. Since the
president met the peaceful Taft at the
railway station with a troop of cavalry
and escorted that good natured gentle
man up the avenue with Gathering
hoofs and dangling sabers, he is deter
mined to give the people show. One
excuse for royalty in Europe is that it
provides free entertainment, that the
people like these spectacles, the scarlet
coats the outriders. carriages of state,
plush-colored liveries. etcetera This
may be the idea of the Strenuous Done.
Durham Sun.
The people of South Carolina are
troubled by men buying whiskey at a
dispensary and taking the stuff to
stores to do their drinking. In many
of the stores will be seen signs, mo
Whiskey Drinking Allowed Here" The
merchants have trouble to keep the
places where. they have their drinking
water free from the smell. This is one
of the pleasures of the dispensary. II
the state of south Carolina sells whis-
key, the state is morally bound to fur
niSh place in which the buyer can
drink it. The state has no right to get
the profits in the sale and then shove
the trouble off on the people.--Gasto-
MIA News.
The complete waiter, like the angler
and the poet, is born, not made. For
tunately, however, for the comfort of
the world a great waiter is born a !
good deal more frequently than a great
poet. Both must have a remarkable
combination of faculties; the perfect
waiter must handle the knife like
skilled surgeon, plates. dis hes, forks
and spoons like a conjurer, know as
much of the dishes he serves as any
epicure, be as quick on his feet as bal |
let girl, and. as sweet in his temper |
as an angel. It is a tribute to the |
possibilities of human nature to say
that such admirable Critchtons can be /
Telegram.
A German addressing his dog said: |
You vos only a dog, but 1 wish / was /
you. Ven you go init re bed in you
shuts durn round dree times und lay |
down. Ven / go to NIT de bed in I haf |
TO lock up de blaze and Wind de CLOCK |
und put de cat ond und undress myself, |
und my wife wakes up und scoles me. /
Den de baby cries, und 1 haf to walk /
him up und down. Den maype ven l
shuts go to sleep it's time to get up
again. Ven you get up you shust /
scratch youwself a couple of times und /
scratch. und you vas up. 1 hat to
quick light de fire und put de kettle L
on. scrap init my wife already und /
maybe get some breakfast. You play /
all tay und haf plendy of fun. 1 haf /
to work all day und have plenty of |
drouble. ."-Exchange.