The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1904-04-26
THE NONPAREJL MAN

THE NONPAREJL MAN
Commercial Reports of the Country Show
D That There Is No Foundation for a
q Scare Regarding Race Suicide--BIg
Boom in the sawdust Doll Industry
Baby Buggy Octopus Declares an Extra
Z Dividend.
= We are happy to be able to say that
there is nothing in the race suicide scare.
The baby buggy, man, the. one whose
trust turns out more baby buggies than
any other man in the country, has been
interviewed and he says that the output
of baby perambulators in the United
States has increased rs per cent in the
last five years.
Elson Jennings of Springfield, ILL.,. is the
baby friend referred to. He says b
Naturally, being in the business of
selling baby carriages, sympa tllize with
President Roosevelt In his crusade against
race suicide, and in this am also moved
by feeling Of interest in the welfare of
my fellow men,
It is probable also that interviews with
the officials of the nursing bottle trust
and Of the baby food octopus would show
the same optimistic feeling.
Then there is the rubber ring trust on
which baby tries his little teeth. The rub
Der ring trust has declared dividend of
SA per cent on heavily watered stock
and officially states that more babies are
biting on its little game than at any
previous period in the trusts history
Naturally the rubber ring trust feels very:
sanguine of the future of the trade.
The paregoric man shakes his head
sadly and fears that chloroform is more
generally used to quiet the 1870 a. M.
child than paregoric.
Never in the history of the country has
the sawdust doll trust shown such rapid
strides as in the present decade. The de-
mand for sawdust dolls can hardly be
Africa, Tonquin and southwestern China
Last year eight tons of dolls went to
South America.
The cradle business could hardly be i'm
proved. The cradle trust reports fac
tories running overtime.
The safety pin trust reports for 1908 an
output of two billion pins over 1902
The Marble Dust Candy association and
the All-Day-Sucker association have de-
clared extra dividends for March.
People who are nervous over the race
| suicide agitation should study the COM
mercial reports of the country.
| a clairvoyant says that persons in per
feet health radiatei pink. These must be
the Pink Pills of literary fame.
| Sister Carrie Nation is doing dime
museum stunt in Chicago. The museum
manager gives it out that he pays her $500
week: While we are opposed to that kind
Of publicity. $500 week would keep us
| thoughtful for several hours.
! Let Japan beware. Russia is rapidly &C
umulating national debt as big as your
| foot.
The Rev. DR.. George Buckle for TWEEN
ty years pastor Of the fashionable Grey
stone Presbyterian church in Elizabeth
N. j., has fled with $40, 900 in cash and
| securities. Before leaving town Dr. Buckle
tried to strangle his wife with towel but
| the noise of the struggle alarmed the
/ family and he was prevented from accom-
plishing the crime. The only motive fol
/ the act seems to- be that the would be
slayer was tired Of his wife because she
! was an invalid. Wherever he may be
now, we fear that Dr., Buckle is not en-:
4 joying himself very much. g. rs,4Y
| Edw. " Carr of the Whtewood, S. D.
Plaindealer, has written the libretto for {
! Hearst operetta in which Hearst rhyme.
with wienerwurst just before the orches
ira eXplOdes.
I The Women's Civic Improvement league
of Kalamazoo, Mich. has taken the con
tract to clean the downtown streets o.
:, that city Coming down town yesterday
morning in a sand storm on the Saharar
; desert of Hennepin avenue we noted tina
the local Mems Civic Improvement league
didn't give durn whether the Minneapolis
streets were cleaned or not To clear
them or nail the dust down would, per
, haps, violate precedent.
, A certain gold mining company at Den
t. yer has been sending to the Minnesota na
pers a proposition whereby they want tt
make the editors rich by exchanging 90
shares of their stock for advertising space
incidentally the mining company mention
that it has $70,000,0 900 worth of ore il
sight. Seems If a company with SO mucl
! wealth in sight wouldn't bother to adver
tise much.
The Adrian Democrat tells Of Worth
: ington man who went to a physician t.
get a prescription to cure himself and wifi
, of chills. The doctor prescribed equa
parts of whisky and quinine. The mai
; took the whisky and gave his wife tn
, quinine and, do you know, they are boil
well o-day.
Sheldon. Mimi. has a lobster club
We are not much Of Elmer" but her
is an association Of which we would Xix
!, to be an honorary member
+ A plague of bugs has come upon Kansa
). with the warm weather. Swarms Of grea
:, big bug boys, fully grown apparently
f swoop down upon the electric lights. TIL
! sidewalks under them are black with bugs
The Kansas papers are asking one an
' other where the original "bughouse" |
: whose product seems TO jump, like Min
+ erva. full panoplied from something n
! other There are no little bugs. All ar
e adults. An inquiry should also be mad
! into the mental processes Of the bug tina
lead him to try to step on a white he
. electric carbon when no bug has yet bee
, known to make a success Of the expert
: ment.
k The De Smet Independent devotes
Y half column to the visit to that office TIL
a spring Of one Of the old tramp printer
those glorious old troubadours of son