davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-04-10
.Hail. Columbia 80

Doubtless the secretary OF the navy is simply
falling into line in declaring that The Star
spangled Banner is the national air OF this
country. and in consequently de-ofhcializing
Hall, Columbia II is rather a pity, too
Hall. Columbian is at least an American
tune. which the other is Moreover. It is
singable. while the other is not. and the words
of ii are easily memorable which those OF the
other are not There is no more melancholy
spectacle addition than that Of a party Of
casual Americans at public function at which
IL occurs 10 some patriotic maIefactor that IL be-
hooves them to attempt the national air. They
can neither remember the words. nor even with
the support OF band. manage the tune and
before the end Of the first verse they straggle
and fall by the wayside. and peter out miser-
ably, and hate the officious person at whose in
stigation they have made asses of themselves.
Unlike "Anacreon in Heaven" the English
tune to which Keys words were fitted. Hail.
Columbian" is of native origin. having been
composed by a Philadelphia as President
washington's Grand March" and afterward
joined to the verbal celebration OF the revolu-
tionary heroes. ''heaven-born band" TO which II
is still sung 1t has also its association. one of
them is that famous occasion in Samoan waters
when the crews OF the doomed American war
ships cheered the fuer-powered British frigate
as she steamed out Ito the sea and safety, and
when. Stevenson tells it, the cheerful spirit of
old Kimberley made brave face against in
evitable disaster. when he paraded the band OF
the Trenton upon his quarterback and the echoes
of Apia harbor resounded to the strains Of Hail.
Columbia
No wonder that tune is cherished in the
United States navy. Let admit that it is but
a wooden tune, associated with wooden words.
but also let us not forget that it is associated
with wooden walls. Really Mr. Moody had no
choice but to de-officialize it. but let us hope
that he de-officialize it with every consideration
and respect. and let 1t be played. the unca-
nonical books are allowed to he read, as tend
ing to edihcation. New York Times.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-04-10

who has noted the numerous incomplete
physical specimens among the benedicts of
his acquaintance knows that women are
not exacting in the matter of husbands
and do not insist upon their being ''aIl
there"
With all this. however. the Journal is dis
posed to believe that the New York lady
should not be blamed for being stampeded
and permanently dlsaffected when her
lovers ear dropped into her lap. One is
more or less accustomed to seeing glass
eyes. china teeth and wigs. and their
falsity, being commonplace thing,
causes no mental shock. The ear. how
organ, and to see it fall from the head
must not only be startling. but is also
likely to convey the impression that other
fragments of its owner may at any time
be scattered about. The New York lady
might think. not unnaturally, that her
lovers remaining ear might part from its
moorings at any moment or that she
might suddenly come into the undesired
possession of his nose. If she really loved
him, she could not wish to see him without
these features, and she could hardly do
otherwise than to flee from the painful
spectacle. Even though she realized that
only one ear was removable if it CHANGED
to be the into which she had just been
intending to whisper soft nothings she
could hardly look upon it lying lonesomely
in her lap without poignant emotions not
all of fond affection. She might love the
man, but she could not reasonably be ex-
pected TO love him on the installment plan.
These who condemn her are not looking at
the matter from the standpoint of justice.
The man with the poorly fastened ear is
deserving of sympathy. but the lady is not
to blame for her course. The incident
should serve good purpose as a warning
TO other men with wax ears to have them
firmly attached before they become can
didates for matrimony
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-04-10
A Truly Bostonian Tramp.

Edwin d. Mead. 'Bostons most useful citi-
zen and founder Of the Twentieth Century
Club. met tramp one hlizzardy night last win
ter the Hotel vendome. When the tramp
asked him for nickel Mr.. Mead. being be-
lever in scientific charity. told him to apply TO
the Y. N. G. a.
Il did, sir" replied the tramp. with serene
dignity. but not treated respectfully"
We'll, why don't you try the \ NJ. & Cg'
was Mr.. Mead's quizzicai suggestion.
The tramp then Strengthened up with utmost
hauteur and remarked: Il have decided no
longer deal with institutions. I have found.
Carlyle says. that institutions like the letter
p always first in pity. but last in help?'
Golfers Weekly
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-04-10

Professor Phelps who disliked mathematics.
was once walking with Professor Newton, who
began discussing a problem so deep that his
companion could follow IL. lie fell into q
brown study. from which he was aroused by
Newton's emphatic assertion. and that. YOU
see gives Xi
Does it?' asked Mr.. Phelps. politely.
why. doesn't ii 80 exclaimed the professor.
excitedly alarmed at the possibility OF a flaw
in his calculations Quickly his mind ran back
and detected mistake.
You are right, Mr. Phelps. You are right"
shouted the professor. 1T doesn't give Us K:
it gives us v"
And from that time Professor Phelps was
looked upon as a mathematical prodigy as the
first man who ever tripped Newton--rhe Arso-
maui.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-04-10

A southern Missouri exchange tells OF a travel
ing man who stopped night in hotel in q
small Ozark county town and asked TO be called
at $3.50 o'clock that he might catch a train.
In order to accede to the guests request the
landlord had to remain up all night. he had
clerk and no alarm clock. He found IL hard
to keep awake. and when $50 O'Clock finally did
come he was in suriy frame Of mind. Knock
ing the guests door. he said: ''Git up. lie
3:30.' In sleepy tone of voice the guest
piled: "Oh. 1 guess III let that train go ana
sleep until O'Clock" well. l guess not"
said the landlord. i've stayed up all night TO
git you UP and you're goin' 10 git up" The
guest caught the early train.-kansas City Star.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-04-10

Mr. Alfred Harmsworth. the owner of
several more or less successful English
newspapers. admits that he dropped 100. 900
pounds" in the effort TO establish news
paper for women. He changed the paper
TO one intended for both men and women.
and now says it is great success About
Q year ago 1t was announced, with a flourish
OF trumpets, that a daily newspaper exclu-
sively for women was to be started in Chi
caso, and a prospectus for a similar organ
In New York was issued near the same
time II either of these papers ever ma
terialized the fact has been kept very
quiet. and quietness would hardly have
been the rule with the promoters OF such
an enterprising circulation. IL WILL perhaps.
after awhile. be borne in upon ambitious
projectors of ''womens newspapers that
news Is of the neuter gender and that the
happenings of life which interest one human
being viii interest another. regardless OF
whether trousers or petticoats are worn.
Lust think. for instance. what protests
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-04-10

An interesting collection of invitations to and
from Benjamin Franklin during his visit to
England has been placed in the University of
Pennsylvania library Among the letters to
Franklin are some from the peerage for great
and for little dinners. but perhaps the most in
teresting is one from a gentleman who described
himself as lin lodgings and unable to enter
tain Mr.. Franklin at his home. He therefore pro-
posed visit to the Star and Garter. and then
went on 10 say that he would order dinner at
a crown a head, evidently expecting Franklin
to bear his share There is record OF an
acceptance-Ph Philadelphia Record.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-04-10

The Rev. George T. Brown. the Upton
minister who has reserved space in local
paper at regular advertising rates in which
he will set forth matters of daily interest
to his parishioners. has the right sort of
enterprise. and his example is commended.
not only to other ministers. but to all persons
who want things printed in the papers that
do not seem to the editors thereof to be of
general interest to the public. Such persons
will find that the advertising columns of
all papers are much easier to enter than
the literary or news columns.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-04-10
Compensation.

You say I've suffered. 1t is true, my friend,
And still shall suffer-that / know right well.
My way is hard and toilsome. Who can tell
BY what steep paths reach my journeys end
But this you have forgot do not spend
My effort grudging. If through some old spell
or god or genii. l could yet compel
My lot to my desires, still would bend
Ny steps fate has-make other choice
Than just this life that seems so bare to you.
Refuse no height which gives larger view
OF seeming inequalities. My voice
l lift in praise. not question. pursue
Me not with pity. but, with me. rejoice.
Katharine l.. Ferris, in Harper's Magazine
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-04-10
SENATOR BARD'S ABSURD BILL.

A bill introduced in Congress by Senator
Bard, of California, is a queer compound
Of good intentions and absurd provisions.
1t proposes to appropriate $4,000 to be
given in prizes of 100000 to the man who
can devise a system of long-range tenn
perature forecasting. and $4,000 to the
man who discovers a system of long-range
rainfall forecasting. The contest is to be
open to all sorts of weather cranks and
pretended rainmakers. Forecasts must be
filed by calendar months for six consecutive
months, the forecast for each month to be
filed thirty days before the first of that
month. The forecasts of rainfall are to
predict the seven days of greatest rainfall
of each month, and the seven days of least
rainfall. a month in advance.
That the bill is probably offered in good
faith and in the hope of useful results, is
shown by the fact that it provides for a
meteorological board of three scientists. to
be appointed by the President, who shall
verify ting forecasts by the Weather Bureau
records and apply rules for granting per-
centages of accuracy. The bill provides
that the meteorological board shall continue
its Investigations and tests ten years, unless
the desired secrets are discovered sooner.
The bill proposes something which is
utterly impracticable. The money which il
proposes to appropriate would be thrown
away without any other result than bring.
ing to the front an army of weather cranks
with a lot of predictions which, if seriously
treated would make the United States the
laughing stock of the world. 1t is to be
hoped the bill will not get beyond the in.
troductory
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-04-10

At the recent municipal election in Mil
waukee voting machines were used for the
first time in that city. with perfect sue
cess. A local paper says there was no de-
lay in the booths on their account, but on
the contrary, the voting proceeded with
more expedition than with the use of the
old paper ballots. The success of the ma
chimes was best demonstrated when the
polls closed and the returns were made up.
The first returns were received at police
headquarters at 1861 o'clock. and one hour
and twelve minutes later the last return
had been delivered at police headquarters.
In each voting booth stationed an Of
fetal whose duty it was by means of a
dummy machine to illustrate to the voters
the method of using the new system, but
few of the voters needed instruction. Three
machines were held in reserve all day TO
be used in case any of the machines broke
down or got out of order, but this did not
happen. The election was complete dem
onstration of the superiority of machine
voting
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-04-10

The most venerable of gags-which 10 the
heavier. pound Of feathers or pound OF lead?
nearly caused a tight between excellent
friends in the lobby of a Forty-second- street
theater Tuesday afternoon. Many a laugh have
we heard and had over IL. IN the open air the
substances. Of course. balance each other. but
in the exhausted belI-giass OF air-pump the
feathers will outweigh the lead by mnch al
the bulk OF air which they displaced outweighs
the bulk of air displaced by the lead.-New York
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-04-10

Horace Traubel sends TO the Atlantic an un-
finished paper by Walt Whitman in which the
poet says: Tho right name Of city, State,
town. man or woman. Is a perpetual feast to the
aesthetic and musical nature Among the great
achievements of Frederick Law Olmsted were
the names he gave his crea;ions-such as the
Midway Plaisance, the Fenway. the Charlesgate
and the Overlook. Olmsted's names ere likely
to be as distinguished and memorable as Presi-
dent Eliot's epitaphs.-Boston Transcript
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-04-10

A Texas man has well from which flows
. liquid that not only sets fire to ell wood
that il touches. but melts or eats up the
iron casing OF the well. Texas, ii is re-
peated, has this fire-water well. not Ken
tnckv
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-04-10

Although Japan has a war on her hands
that Is drawing heavily on her treasury,
she has ordered two new battieships in
England which will probably be the most
powerful afioat- Each will have "A dis
placement of 1890 tons. The largest bat
tleship In the United States navy
has a displacement of 1900 tons
The new japanese ships will exceed
this by 400 tons. and it is said their bat
teries will be the most powerful ever con-
structed. The little island empire is giving
: the world a good many SURPRISES
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-04-10

The st. Louis exposition people have a scheme
by which publishers may have their papers
placed on file during the life of the fair for the
consideration of So In the meantime the pub
fishers can (and many Wild go printing col
umns of free notices for the exposition. Pub
fishers are good thing the slogan of
the fair crowd.-NewspaperGom
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-04-10

The movement In Maryland to compel railroad
companies provide separate cars for the races
cannot be criticised in New England with much
severity in view Of the fact that a highly re-
spectacle coiored man was denied hospitality
all the leading hotels In Waterbury. Conn. the
other night The Waterbury episode should be
noted by the Southern press and used text
for articles on Northern hypocrisy. We need
naying occasionally up here,-Springneid Repub-
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-04-10

once on a time a man fell on defective side
walk and. being thereby rendered cripple for
life. recovered about loo from the city. But.
unaccustomed. as he was. 10 the management at
large affairs he made truthful report TO the
SCISSOR and was speedily reduced TO penury. This
fable teaches that the smile OF fortune asails
little without sound business sense--Puck
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-04-10

A good club is the last freehold of untram-
meled man. In the best of them 1t is good man.
ners to have manners. subject only to your
neighbor's similar right to rudeness or to pri-
vacy. The smiles put on for women. the solemn
faces for the world. the mask Of purpose. the
rouge and powder OF Joy-all may here. with
ones coat and hat. be laid aside. For club is
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-04-10
STORIES THAT ARE TOLD.


Among the employees Of the Bureau OF Engrav-
ing and Printing is negro who has been in the
bureau for many years and who is noted for
good humor and a certain degree Of Wit. a
few days ago an Irishman. also employed in the
bureau, after having encountered the negro in
debate remarked: Jim. you must be an
Irishman?''
Oh. so long" replied Jim. 1T Is bad 'nougn
to be a Niger ',-Philadeiphia Ledger
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-04-10

Mr.. Bryan wants Judge Parker to in
dicate what kind of men he would name
for Supreme Court justices if he were made
President. Bryan is evidently thinking up
questions which will give him a reputation
as a man of remarkable foresight.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-04-10

1t is predicted by naval experts that the
war between Japan and Russia will in the
future be fought almost altogether on land
A person doesn't have to be a naval expert
to see that: il won't be long before there
are no ships left to fight with.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-04-10

Grover Cleveland thinks the Democratic
platform should be short. How can it be
otherwise? The party will be lucky If it
can find even one little plank upon which
1t can agree.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-04-10

Two-thirds of the emigration from the
North to the South in the last two years
has been of Republicans. But there is
nothing remarkable about that: it could
scarcely be otherwise wnen two-thrds of
the people in the North are Republicans.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-04-10

General Miles paid Il dollar to fortune
teller who predicted that he would be a
candidate for the presidency. The Prohi-
bition nomination is worth just about that
amount
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-04-10
Take Your Choice.

1t may be the truth or ii may only be trib-
ute to it, but when multimillionaire dies now
adays leaving all his wealth in his family. he
is always spoken of having given largely to
charities during his lifetime.-Boston Globe.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-04-10

General Kuropatkin is accused of being
q morphine fiend- This throws great deal
OF light on his statements about raising the
. imperial flag the Mikado's palace. and
similar visions
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-04-10
Poor. Plain. Old PA.

Daughter-Pa. do wish you had some style
about you.
Pa-Daughter, pay all my debts. and that's
pretty good style if you only knew it,
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-04-10
Exercise by Proxy,

Harriet-Do tell me what it is you like SO
much about game of baseball?
Harry-It makes my blood circulate.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-04-10

The Gar has rejected Servian volunteers
for the war with Japan. Those fellows
s will have to stick to the assassination bust
ness and leave civilized warfare for others.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-04-10
Similar but Different.

Landlady-Did you say these strawberries
not fresh, sir?
inundated Boarder-No indeed; didn't say
they were not fresh / said they looked tired.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-04-10
John and George.

Have you any reforms in View"
Yes; IL would help both religion and politics
il the groceries sold only genuine maple mo-
lasses."
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-04-10

Russia's treatment Of the flags of other ma
tions at Nieu-Chwang Will not prevent II. from
expressing surprise that there should not be
more general sentiment OF friendship for IL.
-Washington Star.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-04-10
And People Wonder!

Henry Ward Beecher's successor is telling
the people OF Brooklyn all about the housemaid
question. and people are still wondering why
the influence OF the pulpit is deciining.-chicago
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-04-10
Lies Record.

have trod the upward and downward slope;
have endured and done in days before;
have longed for all. and bid farewell to hope;
And have lived and loved. and closed the door
Robert Louis Stevenson.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-04-10
The Tide Turns Canada's Way.

The exodus Of our young men and women to
the United States has very much diminished
and it is now more than offset by the American
immigration into the Observation-Disclosures Maya
zine for April.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-04-10
Lack of Harmony in Detail.

Edmonia-You don't your middle name on
your visiting cards?
Eustacia-No; won't put on any more style
until 1 get Edgar he will a collar all
the time.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-04-10
A Sunshine Function.

Facetious Customer suppose you want me
to lock pleasant?
Phctographer-Yes. and pay in advance.
Facetious Customer-Whats that for?
Photographer-Oh 1 look pleasant, too
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-04-10

PA. what is ambidextrous?''
Jimmy, it's the way / feel in both trouser
pockets when you ask me for a Nickel
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-04-10
rhe Ten Que.tion Once Morc.

'Hi'll teach ye!'' said the exasperated John
Bull to the Tibetan. he gave the crank OF the
machine gun another twist-"Hi'll teach We to
prefer Chinese tea to Hindian tea-"-Detroit
Free Press.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-04-10

II seems a trine strange that the gentlemen
who handled cotton in such large quantities a
few weeks ago did not save some OF II to break
the force OF their fall.-Chicago Inter Ocean.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-04-10

would arise If young men were prohibited
frcm reading their favorite chapter of
'heart-to-heart talks with girls. by Edi-
tor Box
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-04-10
Vernal Cleans.

Now comes the glowing daffodil.
The dandelion, too;
And sunshine clubs have brought US back
The blessed old tan shoe.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-04-10
Civilized in Spots.

Those barbarous Russians"
''Oh. no; in Russia person over eighty is
allowed to marry
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-04-10

The total valuation OF Boston. according 10
the new statistics. Is ST. iss, 3o7 81. including
exempt property. but not including the taxable
property that the assessors didn't hnd--Boston
Globe.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-04-10

President Smith has received vote Of
confidence from the Norman conference
Only federal warrants can touch him now.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-04-10

How do you feel about caster
Lob. the most unenlightened nations have the
most of it,"
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-04-10
TELEPHONE CALLS

Either Company a. m TO midnight through
the week and from p m to midnight on sun
. DAYS. ask for the Journal. then ask the Journai
operator for the department or individual wanted
AFTER MIDNIGHT THROUGH THE WEEK
AND BEFORE +. NJ ON SUNDAYS.
Old Observation-Disclosures. 1892 and $685. ciTeuia-
ton. 35s1 counting room. $500 -.
New Telephone-EdtoTial. s.. $50 or 10; count
Ing room or circulation department. z3s
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-04-10

either the best OF company or the most complete
OF soltudes; II is the stronghold of individual
ism.-McClure's Magazine