Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1904-01-29
OLD ALMANAC JOKES.
Collection Lately Presented to the
Missouri Historical Society.

From the st. Louis Republic.
A collection of almanacs has been pre-
sented to the Missouri State Historical
Society by W. H Thomson Of near Column
hi. The aImanacs are 10S in number and
da tie from 1875 up to the present time there
heine one for each year. Included in fhe
collection are two volumes of the West
ern Comick AImanack," published in Gin
cinnati. in 1884 and 1885, by n. and b.
Guilford & Co. and Hubbard &c Emmands.
Although some of the earlier almanacs
contain Jokes and So-called humorous an
ecdotes these two volumes arethe Oldest
books in the library which are devoted ex-
clusively to jokes AS an aid in tracing the
pedigrees of present-day jokes, the volumes
will prove invaluable.
In the almanac for 1894 quite large
space is devoted to Original jokes, witty
remarks and humorous anecdotes. Some
O. the Jokes found in this number are still
answering, and have appeared in recent
humorous publications as original The
jokes are not accompanied by any key or
chart. but so as to make the humor of the
iok. readily apparent to the reader they
are all published under headings of 'hu-
NOR and the parts of the anecdotes sup
posed to be funny were printed in italics.
Some of the jokes which were thought eX-
ceptionally good were printed under the
head Very Funny.
There is nothing to indicate the author
ship of any of the jokes Some of the
very funny jokes which appear in the
almanac of 1904 Were as follows:
"A duh Judge of the inferior courts of
sister state, having attended to a variety
of causes In the morning, went to dine at
a friends house with a most excellent ap-
barrister. The judge. eating very heartily
of a dish of salmon, observed that he had
filed himself so full that he needed hoop
ing.
Your honor is. much more in want of
heading replied the witty barrister.'
"A professor featuring on heat, observed
that one of it's most conspicuous properties
was the power of expanding all bodies. A
asked: is that the reason the days in
warm weather are longer than those IN
cold?' -
Mr. Hare and Mr.. Fox had apartments
in the same house and each had frequent
visits from the bailiffS. One morning, as
he was looking out of his window, Mr..
Fox saw two of them at the door. Pray
gentlemen says he, are you Fox hunting
or Hare hunting this morning."
I'm a newly raised corps 4 soldier late
ly observed to his comrade, who was an
Irishman, that a corporal was to be dis
missed from the regiment. Faith and IN
deed, said the Irishman, L hope it is the
corporal who is so troublesome in our
company What is his name?' replied -:ir
other. Why. corporal punishment. to be
sure replied Pat"
"a person who could not read syllable
took up a newspaper in a New York COT
fee house. and. holding it upside down
pretended to peruse the ship advertise
ments on the first page with great at:en-
ton. What news?' inquired bystander
There has been a great storm in the West
Indies replied the reader, the vessels arc
all upset.
"A country squire asked a Merry An
drew why he was playing the fool. Fer
the same reason you do said he, out of
want. You do it for want of wit, l TO"
want of money.
The jokes which appear in the alma aacs
of 1884 and 1885 are illustrated with comic
pictures most of which are highly exag-
humorous remarks, puns and witticisns
which were perpetrated in the Western
Comick Alnaanack'' in 1884, and which have
not yet outlived their usefulness are the
following:
LAS a broker was folding some bank
bills, a wag observed: You must grow RIGA
fast. perceive you readily double your
money"
"A poor country hawker, being detected
in the act of shooting a butcher bird. was
taken before justice. $50, fellow,h cried
the justice, you see fit to shoot withoar
license, do your oh. no, your honor,
said the offender; have a license for
hawking So saying. he handed his pee
dler's license, and the bird shot being 4
hawk. he was discharged
When MIR. Alexander Gun was discharg-
ed from the Edinburg custom house the
entry made against his name was: "A Gun,
discharged for making a false report
A doctor and tie undertaken met;
They spoke of Illness, fees, 81 trade and debt;
And well they might. for such dismal day
Never was known for coughs aud deaths.
Parting in feg they both exclaimed together
GOOD morning TO We, this Is coffin weather"
IAN undertaken. being asked what his
business was. replied: I follow the ply
sicians profession.