The Washington times., 1904-01-07


cratic President Mr. Cleveland has been
called many things, but never before
Socialist.
All that is now left for Senator Cor
man is 70 pick UP the pieces and see
where he is hurt.
Representative Burgess Of Texas has
been explaining TO the House what is
meant by the expression stand pat"
II he thinks nobody outside Texas
knows poker he had better learn few
things.
People who quit going to theaters I'M
til they are assured Of safety present
an argument which the box office can
understand without the least bit Of
trouble.
The wicked stand in slippery places
and so does everybody except the ash
man while this icy weather lasts.
The dollar dinner in the Lincoln Ho-
tel may not have as many courses as
that other dinner at sherry's. bat it viii
make up for that i'm the spiciness of its
sdjectives and the pungency Of its ex-
pietives.
Mr.. Labouchere says the climate o.
England kills half the people and the
cooking OF England the other half If
All the population Of England is dead
MIR. Labouchere is at least a lively
ghost
They are fattening Texas turkeys on
the boll weevil, while the scientists are
hunting around Peru TO get something
to exterminate the insect.
Mr.. opey says that we have had
surfeit Of sensations and spectacles.
and then proceeds TO make a sensation
and a spectacle himself.
Oklahoma has a railroad chartered
TO run from the North Pole to the
Southern Cross, and from Hadez to
breakfast An excursion party should
be made up for this road. including
Peary, Dowie Rev Thomas Dixon. ir.
Admiral Evans, and DIT, Parkhurst.
All the honest merchants who have
been selling real asbestos are now reap.
ing the reward of their honesty. IL is
an III wind which blows nobody good.
Testimony is coming in from former
ushers and employees of various theaters
regarding their fire appliances. 1t is
time somebody talked.
The public can now figure out this lit
tie sum: II it win cost $1,000 10 put a
theater in safe condition. and $50 fine If
the owners are caught keeping it in un-
safe condition, how long viii it take the
owners 10 make improvements
The cotton planters are now wondering
whether the hoodoo in thirteen-cent cot
ton means the boil weevi
It is said with horror that of the two
thousand convicts in the Ohio peniten-
tiary not one can repeat the Ten Com
mandmeuts correctly. The same might
be true Of two thousand people I'm some
churches. Try it and see
DIR. Wiley's poison squad is to have
three weeks vacation. ThinI, of eating
turkey and mince pie for three weeks
and then going back 20 saIicyIic acid
A careful citizen complains tI.at muse
ums and other public buildings in New
York are too hot to DE healthy for visi-
tors. He thinks chat the clerks who
work there might wear extra COLTS.
Could not the visitors take off theirs?
IT has been discovered that audiences
at free lectures in New York are some
times locked in. This sounds bad for
the quality Of the lecture.
New York is getting acquainted with
Little Mary. but it is not thought that
the citizens Of that town viii thereby be
induced to forsaxe the Welsh rabbit and
the cocktail for the shredded wheat bis
cult
The Boston Transcript" AYERS that
good round oath is better than iugrown
profanity. Ingrown profanity must bo
what is the matter with Senator Hoar
We are told that five thousand distinct
tongues are spoken among men. As this /
estimate does not mention women, Il is .
10 be supposed that baby-taIS is not in
elgded
a washington attorney was robbed