davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The San Francisco call., 1904-03-26
Noe Is It.?

Ellen ThOrnycrOft Fowler has writ
ten an article in an English journal
upon what she considers to- be the hu-
NOR of the midland counties of Eng
land. Says she: THE typical humOr
of the midlands-like the typical seen
cry and character of the midlands-is
distinguished by common sense and
moderation; it avoids all excess or ex-
tremes; it is essentially the humor OF
the happy mean-the humOr Of the mid
die way. 1t is shrewd without being
caustic. gay without being rOwdy,
hOmely without being coarse. 1t is
merely humOr-humOr pure and simple,
lacking alike the brilliance of wit and
the cruelty of satire: and because it
is humOr. rather than wit or satire, il
is difficult to define. Its Jokes have
an aroma rather than a point; its rep
artees an atmosphere rather than an
edge"
Then she gives the following as an
example of pure midlands humor:
First Polite Native-WhO's i'm, BfHR
Second DittO-A stranger
First DittO-Eave art a brick at
i'm, then"
That must be a joke with an aroma"
The San Francisco call., 1904-03-26
TALK OF THE TOWN
ANDeB9FfSS OF RHE
TIMEC ~
Catching a Tartar.

Former Congressman Mcguire is re-
sponsible for the story that follows.
| Trite as is the old phrase, catching a
Tartar" it never was applied with
stronger force than to this tale.
Down in Arizona / had client who
was in Jail awaiting trial for murder, >"
says Mcguire HE told me the story
of his life. 1t was alive with crime.
He had been a sure thing man, gold
brick seller and all that sort of thing
His plan was to pick up a likely vic
tim, take him into the country and
palm off a gilded brick for all the real
gold he could induce the patron to part
with.
"Ohce he went to Oakland, found
his man and won him with a yarn
that he and a PAL had stolen a valu-
able gold brick from big assay office;
that the pal was dying in an out of
the way place and had the brick, but
wanted to get rid Of it. 1t was a bar
gain.
''The pair went out to Crockett, or
thereabouts. In an old ramshackle hut
they found the PAL on a cot. choking
and gasping in the near reach Of death,
apparently. From under the blankets
came the brick. the hacking sufferer
painfully telling the story of the crime,
etc, etc.
Victim being duly impressed with
the genuineness Of it all was supposed
to bite quickly. but this one didn't.
Offers to sell at wretchedly low figures
brought little encouragement. At last
the intended purchaser invited his
guide out doors.
See here he said to the steerer,
what's the use of me buying that gold
bar. I'll just go back and choke that
thiefs breath out, he's nearly dead
anyway. Well take the brick and no
body will be any the wiser
do you know that it was all / could
do to keep that 'rube' from killing my
pal?' said the prisoner to Mcguire.
4" L didn't care whether 1 ever sold
another brick until 1 had got that
fellow far enough away from Crockett
so my pal could escape safely. 1t was
worth the weight of the brick in good
gold to lose that trick"
The San Francisco call., 1904-03-26
Sir Mortimer DHrand.

Sir Mortimer Durand, the new Brit
ish ambassador at Washington, has
had wonderfully varied and interest
ing career. From the time that he was
in India acting as a political agent
to Lord Roberts, witnessing the capit-
ulation of an Ameer, helping to smooth
the wheels of progress at SimIa,
through all his diplomatic progress
there was never any doubt as to his
attaining the top of the tree. 1t is
said that perhaps the only time in all
his life that he found himself discon-
certed was once when he was a guest
of Queen Victoria at Osborne and a
stock of unexceptionable cigars was
surreptitiously introduced into his
apartment-and he knew the Queen de-
tested smoking. He lit one of the ci-
gars and blew the smoke up the Chin
The San Francisco call., 1904-03-26
BRINGING THE SECTIONS TOGETHER

IT HE coming excursion of the business men of San
Francisco to be made under the management of
the California Promotion Committee to MANY
places in Southern California the central coast
counties, is admirably designed give influential peo-
pie better understanding of the State 1t therefore
certain result in good
The Promotion Committee reasonably hopes that the
special rain which will San Francisco on April
will be filled with those whom invitations have been
extended The copious rains have made the lands beau
tiful with verdure and have insured plentiful crops for
the year The charms of scenery be viewed en- route
manifold The material progress that the several
communities to be visited show and the promise of
advancement they possess will be of commen-
dation and legitimate pride.
With the sightseeing goes the speecl-m making inter
change of views better acquaintance with and meth
ods acknowledgment and enjoyment of California
hospitality that is generously profered in advance bv
cities and through leading citizens the realization
of how great this State in all its various sections and
how closely united is by the common advantages of
location in proximity to the sea, by its common climate
by its removal by many miles from the eastern centers
of population that its destiny manifesty and peculiar
ly be worked within its borders and by its
patriotic and State loving people These consdera-
tions are of importance and their significance will not
be overlooked by the keeneyed and sagacious men of
business and affairs from this city
California is receiving greater advertising abroad than
before The interest consequently greater as its
attractions made generally known to the dwell
in less favored regions At this there are thou
sands of in the part of the State
wo will be interested in the excursion as NAV afford
them opportunities for gaining much information The
oppotne and the for the excursion are
many.
long list of places is the itinerary The fertile
Santa Clara Valley of the sections be traversed
in its entire length by steam and the new electric lines
will give chance to its charming area at close range
and the best advantage Every part of the State
versed by the excursion will be found possess own
peculiar charms The tour from every point of view
should prove to be conspicuous success
The San Francisco call., 1904-03-26
Diseases of Metals.

Many metals show symptoms OF pOis-
Oning, rendering them unfit for use-
Thus steel can by means Of small guam
titles Of hydrogen and under certain
circumstances be very seriously affect
ed. Let US take two steel bars Of the
same material, both heated to a red
heat. one surrounded by air. the other
exposed to the influences Of hydrogen
or hydrogen gas. chilling both bars in
water after heating; we shall find the
bar heated in hydrogen to be brittle,
whereas the other bar. heated in air,
will turn out to be far superior, The
hydrogen has in this instance acted like
poison upon the heated steel, and very
small quantities of such poisonous mat
ter will suffice to produce very violent
effects. The disease in question can
be radically cured. it only being neces-
sary to anneal the poisoned bar. re-
peating the process by heating exposed
TO air. The poisoned steel, by being
allowed to lie for a long time. win with
out any further expert treatment. show
signs of Improvement to a certain de-
gree. the poison gradually leaving it.
A better treatment still is boiling in
water or oil, which process may be
compared to using warm congresses in
the case Of human beings.
Similar symptoms of poisoning.
caused by hydrogen or gases contain
ing hydrogen Gas gas for lighting pur-
pOses), are apparent in copper when
exposed to red heat. Not every kind Of
copper is susceptible to this poisoning
in equal degree.
Metals can become diseased from i'm
proper treatment, as, for instance, cop
per and steel when exposed a certain
length of time to temperatures exceed
ing fixed limits. The copper in cOnse-
quence loses a great part Of its du--
tility and bending qualities. In steel
the disease can become so virulent that
a steel bar so infected can on falling
on the ground break to pieces. The
technical expert calls such disease
''Overheating. g."-Harper's Magazine.
The San Francisco call., 1904-03-26
SUNDAY CALL MAGAZINE.

A MERICA is the watch and the great 'Wbite
II Squadron may soon undergo some very lively
shuling, for it Is fact that the conflict between
and Japan has served call attention to
the stupendous task that devolves upon our navy than
all the previous actual experience gained in the Spanish
American
As example of of the huge problems that the
Navy Department is graphing with which has
risen suddenly from the international complications of
the last few years, it may be stated simply that more
than hundred millions of square miles of water
require the protection of navies official reports
emphaticay declare that contribution this police
duty is inadequate in size and illogical in composition
Which MEANS in plain fighting terms, as pointed out by
The San Francisco call., 1904-03-26

Bruiser--I heard you were laying for
Snoozer to make him fight Did you
succeed?
Broncobuster- No; I called him ev-
erything j could lay my tongue to, but
there was no fight in him.
Bruiser-Did you call him a Servian
officer?
Broncobuster-No; I never thought
Of it, Next time we meet I'll call him
that. Boston Transcript
The San Francisco call., 1904-03-26
ANGELS, VISIT

ANGELS VISITS-Nema. Pleasan-
ton, Cal. Like angels visits. few and
far between" is a line in CampbeU's
Pleasures of Hope" Blair, in The
Grave" has Like those of angels.
short and far between" Both writer's.
however, appear to have borrowed
from John Norris. who died i'm 1711. He.
in Transient Delights" has: Like
angels visits, short and bright"
Campbell was born 1751 and Blair in
171S.
The San Francisco call., 1904-03-26
Ans7gerS TO Queries.

NEVADA CANAL-A. s., City. For
information about the transfer canal OF
Nevada address a communication to
l.. N. Taylor, Geological Survey. Car
son City, New.
The San Francisco call., 1904-03-26

PROPERTY-E. L.. City. If a man
marTies and at the time of such mar
rfage is possessed of property. il is his
separate property. Should he die pos.
sessed CT such property and not leave a
viii, the surviving wife would be en-
titled TO One-half if there are no chill
dren, and One-third if there are chill
dren. A divorced woman has no proD-
erty rights in the separate propertv OF
the man who was her husband
The San Francisco call., 1904-03-26

LEAP YEAR-D. NJ. San Leandro.
Cal. If year was made up exactly OF
1854 days We should have a leap wear
every four years regularly, but as there
is an excess of IL minutes and 1913
seconds every year. this excess is. com
pensated for by dropping the leap
year at the beginning of three out OF
four centuries, thus equalizing the
time gained through the century. The
length of time thus established makes
an error Of only one day in 1925 years.
No year is a leap year that is not di-
visible by four without a remainder.
AS the year 1880 cannot be divided by
four without a remainder. it was not
a leap year.
The San Francisco call., 1904-03-26

ney. Sir Mortimer does not take kind
ly to our skyscrapers. IF the en-
bassy were at the top Of one Of these"
he said soon after his arrival, Il should
ask my Government to buy me bung-
allow. ."-Leslie's Weekly
The San Francisco call., 1904-03-26

Townsend's California Glace fruits and
choice candles. In artistic fire-etched
boxes. a nice present for Eastern friends
us Market street above Call building.
The San Francisco call., 1904-03-26

This week good eyeglasses. specs. 25c-
soc. 10 4th (frOnt Keys Gel Oys. House. .
The San Francisco call., 1904-03-26

Special information supplied daily to
business houses and public men By the
Press Clipping Bureau (Allen's). 230 Cali
ifnrnia street Telephone Main 104A
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1904-09-14
rEE Ia11oHANr or FEW TEARS AGO CAME TO AMERICA
u
To-day He Junta "
Ship Agents and the Police OF Europsa.

steamship which
national problem
such burning
hemisphere
of the
the OF
individual
rom honda o. abroad
deal with individuals but with
America the
ha
to combat
sofa
diigen
tnten to answ
Whence the of
What innue to
the of ship?
hope
generation7
is
degraded orsourings of Europe2-Edio
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1904-09-14
JApS are
DRILLING
IN FRISCO
DUPOHF STREET N san T1AN-
o1eoo TURNED INTO a P1AC-
r1cE GALLERY ron TKH Al.
D1NT LITTLE BLACK MEN.

"Those little Japs are going to give
the world Of nations '"sSon in marks
manship before Il over and
mark what l te, This is the
way Alfred A. Il commercial
traveller from San francisco, put 1t
to q crowd discussing the Russo-Japan
war at the Hotel Spokane.
do You know" he said, addressing
his remarks in a general way, that
since the first mention of a chance of
war between Russia and Japan, that
Dupont street in San Francisco, the
old tenderloin district, has been turned
into a great big shooting gallery, run
b. Japs. There is not one Of the
little fellows in the town who has not
been practicing at target shooting.
Americans who understand their Ian
guage say that in the practice work
they have the general understanding
among themselves that every moving
of stationary object in the gallery Is
q Russian soldier trying to rob them OF
their land or rights, and this spirit
psrvades the spectators as well as
those doing the practice work.
"The war will benefit this country
commercially" said Mr.. Bolini, "and
/ believe that your state is doing =
little extra business in the shipping
Of -four. II the war is fought out on
the sea it will be a short one but let
it be transferred to the land and you
will see repetition of England's
struggle to subdue the Beers.
Eyes, the sympathy of Americans is
with Japan. I don't know particularly
why, except that the heart Of the
average American goes out to the one
who looks the weaker in any struggle.
Besides, the war is in Japan's terri
tory and it looks as if the little fellows
were fighting for their homes"
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1904-09-14

they send back to friends the sum Of
80. 000,0 900 per annum.
4, What must this Galician peasant
family think of meat every day, Of
a boss without lash, of schools for
the children, of walled house, to
say nothing Of the marvellous stories
of the steamship agent? With most
Of them II is but question Of mon
ey, and with that accomplished they
are easy victims for the steamship
agent.
Should this man be criminal by
instinct, or some member of his
family be suffering from a loath-
some disease, the agent Of the sys-
TEN decides whether the objection IL
too obvious to pass the scant Ameri-
can inspection. Often the agent will
take a chance, and If the report Of
Mr.. Braun can be relied upon, there
isn't much of chance In it, for IL
the emigrant fails at New York he
is dumped of at Halifax to be Snug
sled over the Canadian border or
taken to Vera Cruz later to be es-
corted across the border Mt Laredo,
FL Paso or Eagle Pass. Braun says
that many emigrsnts who obviously
could not pass examination directly
are embarked for America via Cana
da and Mexico.
After the transportation is sold 1t
is not much of a task to land the
family at the nearest sailing port,
and they are off, bag and baggage,
filth and ignorance, poverty and in
born hatred for institutions, for the
United States, the land of the free.
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1904-09-14
the LITTLE BRoWN JAP

TOXIC. " Tho laps. -
has been said in . previous article,
delight in calling their empire "Dai
Nihon" (Grsat Japan), and while the
prefix can not be applied when con-
sidering the extent Of the country, II
surely 10 apropos when applied to the
resourcefulness of the empire and to
the achievements Of the sons and
daughters Of the sunrise kingdom.
Magnificent mountains, with seem
cry rivaling the Swiss Alps or the
American Rockies. superb temples.
handsome cities and many great peo-
ple-for the Yankee Of the far east
is now considered great-go to make
Japan . great country.
The area Of Japan 10 but one
twentieth that of the United States,
merous. Japan claims 100000 in
habitants. which. in such restricted
boundaries, means great density OF
population.
1t 10 impossible to ride a mile, even
in the country. without seeing q
dwelling. The1country villages are
almost continuous, and in the cities
the residents are huddled together.
The annual increase Of population Is
estimated at B0o,0eo, 30 that II this
rate In maintained 1t will not be long
before the residents will be literally
forced of the island. Thus expansion
Is . problem that always confronts
the japanese.
Japan 10 mountainous. The level
ground 10 only IL per cent Of the
total area, A range Of mountains
Araverses Hondo. the largest Of the
four main islands. 1t resembles =
huge backbone. The highest peak Is
the famous Full 1855 feet above sea
level. Full is an extinct volcano.
whose last eruption was in 1908. Ten
months Of the year snow covers it's
peak.
Other peaks Of more than 5000
feet are intake, Assma, Bandai Aka
shi, Shirane, Also ana Roma gatake.
Eruptions are frequent and earth
quakes of more or less violence are
of almost daily occurrence. The
ohoths CIV hot pcEcoptlDlo ordinarily,
but the ssismometer registers them.
The mountains have their pleasant
as we'll as their unpleasant character,
however. for they Offer means Of es-
cape from the depressing heat Of the
summer. Karui1awa, Hakone. Nikko,
Arima. Miyanoshita and Chusenji are
the popular summer resorts and many
Europeans spend tho weeks of hot
weather in ono or the other.
The excessive humidity that makes
Japanese summers almost unbearabls
along the coast il due to the insular
position and heavy rainfall. Sudden
changes Of the weather are always
expected. The air lacks ozone and
for this reason Europeans and Ameri-
cans are unable to carry on vigorous
mental or physical labor.
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1904-09-14
ny Karlen Z. Pew.

ny karlen Z. Pew.
Copyright, 1904, by Newspaper En-
terprise Association.)
NEW YORK. Sept. 14.-An Eng
lishman stood on steamship dock
alta Palermo, the fortified capital Of
Sicily. A vessel flying an Italian
nag was taking on a cargo bound
for New York. Into the steerage
quarters OF that ship there streamed
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1904-09-14
TIE GOVERNMENTS OF THE OlD WORLD CONSPNf WITH
TICKET AGENTS TO FLOOD AMERICA WITH HUMAN REFUSE
dences of degradation,

dences of degradation!
The Englishman gazed long and
hard at the congeries of mental, NOR
al and physical weaklings struggling
on and then exclaimed:
ON for the land Of the free; long
live the king"
II might have been said at most
any of the ports touched by the vast
fleet of transatlantic steamers and
the exclamation would have applied.
There would have been different hui
man types, perhaps, but there would
nevertheless have been a represen-
tation of the obscure slums and dark
byways of lands where for genera
tions men nave led the lives of
dumb beasts under the lash of bru-
tai masters.
Even the paid agents of the steam
ship companies in Europe will admit
that in no favorable way do the out
pouring emigrants for America to-
day compare with the muscular, big
boned people who filed the steerages
a few years ago. In the old days
there were pilgrims to a ned land.
filled with spirit for freedom and
life through the sweat of the face.
These are in a remarkabl minority
today, and any fair-minded man to
behold the rank and file of those who
come would doubt II one of SO would
Withstand the most simple physical,
moral or mental test
Why are they forsaking the haunts
where for generations their forefath-
ers have been content to live under
bondage worse than bestial? There
are a million answers in the minds
Of the individuals, but there is one
reply which covers the cases of prob
ably two-thirds Of the Objectionable
classes: Inducement by the paid
agents of the steamship system, aid
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1904-09-14
REUNION OF
GEORGIA VETS

ROME, Ga. Sept. 1.-THE annual
reunion of the Georgia division of the
United Confederate veterans is being
held here. Rome gave a hearty vel
come to the several hundred visitors
and veterans. The reunion opened this
afternoon with an address Of welcolne
by Congressman John W. Maddox aud
a response by Gen. =. A. S. MeGiash-
an. major general commanding. The
annual parade win be held tomorrow.
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1904-09-14
Dyspepsia

~ SPVPSAO
Don't think you can cure your dys-
pepsia in any other way than by
strengthening and toning your stomach.
That is weak and incapable of per-
forming it's functions, probably because
you have imposed upon 1t in one way
or another over and over again.
You should take
Hoo DIS Sarsaparilla
1t strengthens and tones the stomach,
and permanently cures dyspepsia and
all stomach troubles.
Accept no substitute.
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1904-09-14
spRAINs.

8. A. Reed, Cisco, Tex, writes.
March II, 1901: my wrist was sprin-
ed so badly by fall that 1t was use
less; and after using several RENE
dies that failed to give relief, used
Billiards. Snow Eminent. and was
cured. I earnestly recommend 1t to
any one suffering mT17Hzxa/A1N
from sprains." 25c,
Doc 800. Sold by
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1904-09-14

motley file of human beings, men,
women and children, all pushing,
showing, hauling, Juggling, screaming
shouting or wailing.
What myriads of emotions were
represented there-joys and sorrows,
vague hopes, despair, triumph, act
ual responsibility or blank, beast
like responsibility in
the human heart and mind. What evil
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1904-09-14

ed and abetted by the agents Of many
European governments, who are work
ing to empty out upon America their
pestilent human rubbish.
Russian Jews may be fleeing from
Russian massacres, Lithuanians from
military service-but the steamship
agent is omntpotent to direct their
footsteps and he cares not who
comes, provided the ticket is paid
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1904-09-14
NEGLECTED COLDS.

Every part of the mucous MEM
brane, the nose. throat, ears, head
and lungs, etc, are subjected to dis
ease and blight from neglected colds.
Dallard's Horehound Syrup is pleas
ant and effective remedy. 26c. Doc,
sl.O0. w. Akendrick. Valley Mills.
Tex, writes: Il have used Ballard :
Horehound Syrup for coughs ana
throat troubles. 1t Is pleas
ant most II III. ~
Sold by v v
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1904-09-14

The yellow peril Is a boyle that
is familiar with the history Of tho
yellow race. The yellow man has
a white peril" though.
Newport weekly independent., 1904-06-10
WILLIAM R. JONES.

The sad news of the death of William R. Jones at his home in Maryville, Mo-, Monday reached here next morning in a wire from his son and our fellow townsman, Gustave Jones, who with his family and J. R. Cox were at the bedside of the de- ceased when the end came.
 MT. Jones had been seriously i'll for several weeks and his case was found to be hopeless several days before death, but even with this preparation the blow is not lessened to those near and dear by family ties.
 Kentucky was the state of his nativity, but he came to Jack sonport in the early days before the war and has always been prominently identified with the development of this county. He
Newport weekly independent., 1904-06-10
SWITCH TRACK =
 FOR PLUM STREET.

The city council on Monday evening granted the Rock Island railway right-of-way for a switch track on Plum street, comn1enc- ing at the intersection of that street with the property Of the railroad named and running vest to the Iron Mountain right-of- way.
 The ordinance is published in this issue, and was voted for by Thompson, Brasch and Hobgood, Alderman Wilmans not being present.
 A resolution empowering the street and alley committee to contract for the paving of Frunt street at it's intersections with Beech, Laurel, Hazel, Walnui and Main.streets, was adopted.
 The only other business trans acted was in the allowance of ac-| counts and approval of previous minutes.