Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1904-11-04

L
one?-Chicago Chronicle.
Mr.. Jones (reading)-Another fierce
engagement in the Philippines. Mrs
Jones-What is it? Mr. Jones-Schoo
teacher and army officer.-Judge.
Employer-Want to go home? Where
do you feel i'll? Boy-Here, sir, in the
Office. 1 guess I'll feel better when !
get the air on the baseball ground.
Mrs. Holdtite-Dr. Kurem Awl says
I must spend six months in Europe,
What shall 1 do? Mr.. Holdtite-Get
another doctor--Chicago Chronicle.
Tommy-Papa, what makes you so
bald? Papa-Oh, that's because my
mother used to pat me so much on the
head for being good boy.-Ally
Sloper's Half-Holiday.
"Oh, my friendsr' exclaimed the ora
tor, sit makes me sad when 1 think
of the days that are gone. when l look
around and miss the old familiar faces
l used to shake hands with"
"What was the verdict that the cor
oner's jury returned?" "Wilful neglect
Of duty on the part of the deceased.
He went out unarmed knowing the 9TH
er fellow was in town. Chicago Rec
ord-Herald.
II see you advertise for donkey"
said the man who looked as if he lad
something for sale. "Oh. yes," said the
busy man, stopping his work for a
minute to look up; "but 1 want one
with four legs."-Tt-Bits.
'sThey thought he was dead, you
know, and all the papers printed obit-
uary notices." And then?" Why,
then he turned up, and since he's read
those notices he's too proud to speak
to any one."-Chicago Post
First Traveler-Oh, yes-we visited
the art gallery when we were in Dres-
den! Second Traveler-Then you saw
RaphaePs masterpiece there of course?
First Traveler-Yes, indeed. The "Six-
teen Belladonna," you mean?
"Walter, you may finish this piece of
pie, If you want it." said mother, "it
isn't enough to save" Mother" said
Walter, when he had finished it, "a
boy In the family comes in very handy
when there is a little bit over, doesn't
he?"
You hair isn't wet" said little Tom
my to Mr.. Flyer, who was calling. mo,
Of course not! What made you think
my hair was wet?' he asked, very
much surprised. II heard pa tell ma
that you couldn't keep your head above
water"
At a political meeting an excited
Irishman rose to express his satisfac-
ton. "Sit DOWN. called the man be-
hind him, pulling his coat tails. Don't
you know you're opaque?' "And that
I'm notv' cried the other. I'm
O'Brienw
Mrs. Spenders-I wonder what will
be the popular styles in bonnets this
season? Mr.. Spenders-My dear,
bonnets will be divided into
:wo styles this season, as usual-the
style you don't like, and the style l
can't afford.
Hungry Hawkins-Do yer mean to
say yer got square meal out O. dat
;our woman? Diplomatic Mike-Sure!
hungry Hawkins-Well. yer a Won
Ter. How'd yer do it? Diplomatic |
dike-When she opened the door I
ez: SIS yer mother at home, miss?-
Press.
Tess-A friend of mine was telling
ne to-day of splendid seashore resort
n the Massachusetts, coast: think it's |
allied Medford Beach. Jess-Oh, I've |
'een there. That was where 1 caught |
hat big lobster last summer. don't you
now? Tess-No dear, hadn't heard.
What is his name?
The 6-year-old daughter of certain
avail officer was unconsciously ludi-
rous the other day. The child was
Why don't you use a pattern?" The
tile miss replied with a dignity great
r than her knowledge: 81 don't need
pattern. 1 sew by ear
Charley White, who lives with his
unit and grandma. noticed that the
egular black peppershaker was filled
7ith red pepper. This startled him.
nd, turning to his aunt, who sat next
t the table, he said: You better not
at any of that red pepper, Aunt Har-
let; gramma says that red pepper kills
ntS"
Teacher Qn Chinese mission)-I won
er how many of you know the mean
lg Of mercy" (All hands up.) Very
ood Now, you. Chang, may give us
q illustration of it's meaning. Chang
Mclean lady gave Chinee boy dishes
, wash. One plate fall on floor; him
lake in Thousand fifteen pieces. Nell
an lady ely loud. ''Oh. mercy"
my dear" said Mrs. Newlywed, her
ice flushed with the excitement of her
fternoon in the kitchen. Il want you
be perfectly frank with me now.
THAT would you suggest to improve
lese doughnuts l made to-day?"
Well," replied Mr.. Newlywed. lifting
ne with a slight effort, 81 think it
light be better if you made the hole
gger." ."-Cincinnati Times-Star.
He-I never saw anything like this