The commercial. (Union City, Tenn.) 190?-193?, 1904-07-29
JOHN BARLEYCORN.

The opportunities tor the Chronic
grumbler have been wiped away
with prosperity in this vicinity.
Mr.. Will H. Cook, the heavy.
weight society smasher, has re-
turned to his place of abode at the
bachelors paradise.
Well, U.Know, tell us the mean
ing of the following two words:
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS S
and superuncontradistinguishabili-
tlveness.
We had two petitions presented
to us last Saturday for our sigma
ture for the release of one Hal Dill
lon from the penitentiary, but we
did not sign either of them, or do
we see how any other man could
who has the love of his fellow man
at heart. We believe every man of
influence in the county should write
the Governor personal letter, stat
ing that the good citizens of this
county do not want that fellow
turned loose on the public to again
invade the virtue of innocent child
hood in the South, corrupt its NOR
ais with his presence, break the
hearts of other Christian parents,
disgrace other brothers and sisters
and destroy the union, peace and
happiness of home, sweet home.
No, never! Let him stay where he
is and pay the penalty he SO justly
deserves.
We recently had an old lazy tri-
fling woman to fish for our sympa-
thies and unload her troubles on
us. We know her to be too lazy to
wash her face except when made to
do so and want the world to know
our sympathies are not offered to
the unworthy, but to the industri-
Gus, overworked, Christian woman,
and if the husband of the other
class was whipping his wife and it
became necessary tor us to inter
fere at all we would hallow "Amen,
pour it to her"
We heard fellow say the other
day that mule kicked him, but
did not affect his brain Guess not,
for we are of the opinion the fellow
had no brain. He has probably
left his mouth open so much that
his brain has evaporated, and we
do not doubt but the mule has re-
pented and learned to never more
abuse cripple or kick fool.
Inasmuch as some wag has
dubbed Rives the bachelors para
disc and the hungry hordes are now
more numerous than heretofore, we
notify all good old maids and gay
young widows hereabout that if
they would like to have one of those
Did fellows to raise to come at once
md look over the collection before
placing their orders elsewhere.
Here they will find the blonde and
he brunette; the sleek smooth
;haven and the fellow with whis-
Sers under his nose; the loquacious
Ind the silent; the gay and the Dig !
lifed; the thick and the thin; the [
youth just treading the flowery
'trewn paths of the springtime of
life and the hoary-headed, lone {
'ome, weary wanderer who Is wend-
ng his way down the western slope s
# single cussedness; in fact, there
ire all kinds here-a fine lot of !
rood jovial souls to select from. So
ome early and avoid the rush that
s sure to follow this notice. !
We had the pleasure and honor
IN last Saturday of listening to the
musical voice of Miss Wootson Da- !
lis singing Annie Laurie, and oh, :
low it flooded our minds with !
weet memories of the dear voices
f the associates of our young man S
Iood days. There is tender charm
d her voice and an attraction in
Ter expression that captivates us q
nd unlocks our sympathies, and {
onFinces us that man who does 3