The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1904-01-04

Strange how some days everything
seems to come our way. - =-,.
A school for the cure of shyness has
been started in London. You need not
however, expect 1t to restore those few
bucks that. you were shy after that
New Years game.
The only safe place for panic is a
good wide pasture with nobody in sight
and no fences in view. Even then the
cow is likely to step on you.
There is no necessity for excitement.
Mr.. Haupt. an engineer who was mem
Der Of the canal commission. says it will
take between twenty and thirty years to
build the Panama canal. By that time
Colombia will have Gained down and we
may sleep nights again.
A Vermont jury severely reprimanded
a lady for killing her husband.
With cotton banging around s14,wheat in
the sos looks pretty cheap to the farmer
who has a neat little pile of it in his barn.
Our upper forty did pretty well in wheat
this summer and we don't ,sell a pint of it
under a dollar - :: -
What's in a name? Not much, but
Roosevelt, Okla, is claimed to be the
best town in Oklahoma for its size and
age. 1t is scarcely two years old and con-
tains 800 inhabitants, working as one man
for it's upbuilding. It has one trunk line,
the Frisco. The business blocks are per-
manent structures and in architectural
beauty are unsurpassed. The stocks car
ried by the merchants are full and com
plete and every merchant is conducting g.
successful business. The valleys about
Roosevelt are very productive in cotton,
wheat corn and oats. How would you
like to live in Roosevelt? Delighted!
The Maysville. KY, Public Ledger tells
how the genuine Kentuckian is of few
days and full of trouble. The editor says:
He riseth at night to let the cat out, and it
taketh nine doctors three days to pick the buck
He geetl, rth in joy, and gladness and cometh
back in scraps and fragments.
He calleth his fellow liar and getteth
himself filled with scrap iron even to the fourth
generation.
He emptieth a demijohn into himself and
shotgun into his enemy, and his enemy's son
lieth in wait on election day, and 10, the coro-
ner ploweth up forty field to bury that
man.
Woe, woe is Kentucky, for her eyes are red
with bad whisky and her soil is stained with the
blood Of damijits. Selah.
1t is plain from this that conditions
down there have not been exaggerated
We do not believe that a hostile Spanish
army could march thru Kentucmky with
out casualties.
Fighting Bob Evans has sailed with his
fleet for Manila. That is as near as the
authorities will allow him to get to the
fighting, for fear he, might forget himself
and dip i'm just for the joy Of tho
scrimmage. There is the story of an
Irishman who was arrested for banging
an inoffensive old gentleman over the head
with his stick. The judge asked for an
explanation of the outrageous act, and the
Irishnan gave it thus:
Your honor, l was coomin' down the
strate an this old fellow stuck his head
out Of the windy. The sight was so
temptin' that I could not resist
It is a question whether Admiral Evans
could see the fun going without taking
q whack at something, if only a: sChink
batt1eship.
| A brute down in Missouri has stopped
| his paper because he declares that his
! wife is bargain crazy. I can TELL,
| he gloomily declares, when the symp
| toms are beginning to come on. She will
stop skimmng the paper and bury her
| head in the folds. Then follows period
! of absolute silence while she pores eagerly
over the sheet. In the morning I have to
arise from my couch long before the dawn
| of day and we don't have much of a
| breakfast as a general thing. When / go
home at noon dinner is nearly always
| late, and it's a short-order meal. toe.
Stacked up around the room are numer-
Gus packages of varied sizes and descrip-
| tions-the trophies of the chase. During
| the past two months there have been sales
| of almost every article Of household use.
! and if my wife has missed being on hand
early at any one Of them I don't know it.
| If the brute thinks that stopping the
| paper will keep his wife away from the
bargain sales he Is making mistake.
| While there is stuff cut to CSC and Acc,
| she will be there. AS well attempt to
! separate the old topper from his booze by
| stopping his paper which advertises Old
! Grow whisky, ~
| The Winchester. CKy.) Democrat man
pulled his goosebone on the weather last
| month. He said:
| Ever since the advent of this long, cold snap
we have been close observer of the goosebone,
presented tile Democrat by friend some years
4 as varied and rapid as The hues of gaudy
piece of changeable ribbon and II Its predictions
/ come true we will have many different kinds
of weather in the next two weeks that Fellow
will have to take to the woods to escape 1t. i.
It is clear from the above that the
goosebone hit it pretty Hsll One of the
| best signs of cola Snap we have yet
i detected comes from observing the actions
of the hired girl If she leaves the
kitchen door open while chasing out to
..s1- &1,-& 4,