Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1904-08-03
SCARED OUT Of / WIFE

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q, Go HE narrative which nm about
to write was told TO me one
bleak night, in a country parlor
It was one OF those nights in mid
winter. when the wind swept over the
land. making everything tingle with
ats frosty breath, that was seated be-
fore blazing fire, surrounded by
Jolly half dozen boys and an old bach
elor, Peter Green, about forty and
eight years old.
4 It was just the night without to
make those within enjoy a good story,
10 each Of us had to tell his fayorite
story, save Mr.. Green. and as he was
y Jolly story-teller, we were somewhat
surprised to hear him say, II have no
STORY that would interest you," SO we
had to flnd other entertainments for
while. when one Of the boys told me
4 20 ask him how 1t happened that he
never got married. So did.
We'll. gentlemen" he began, cit does
not seem right for me tell how that
happened, but as 1t is about myself,
don't care much. You see when was
young we had to walk as far us five
miles to church. and singing school,
which was our chief enjoyment. But
this don't have anything to do with my
not getting wife, but l just wanted
TO show you that we had some trouble
them days in getting our sport
John Smith and l were like broth
ers, or like Mary and her lamb
Where one went the other was sure to
Z 20. So we went to see two sisters, and
Z 40 we were not the best boys imagIn-
able, the old gentleman took umbrage
and would not allow us to come near
the house, 80 we would take the girls
to the end of the lane, and there we
would have to take the Anal kiss.
I'VE soon got tired of this sort of
fun, and I told John, on our way to
singing school one night, that l was
going to take Sadie home, and that L
was going into the house, too. He said
the old man would ruin us il did.
II told him was going to risk 1t
anyhow, let come what would. He said
he, would risk it II 1 would.
$50 home we went with the girls.
When we got to the end of the lane l
told the girls we proposed going all the
way.
They looked at each other in way
didn't like too well, but said they
(the old folks) would be in bed, so they
didn't care IL we did. They were
little more surprised when told them
We thought of going in little while,
hut all was quiet when we got to the
house, as we had no trouble in getting
into the Kitchen. Then and there we
had our first court, and made up my
mind to ask Sadie to be my wife the
next time came.
ut was now past the turn Of the
4 night, and rus- We iad four miles to
walk, told John we had better be go
ing. SO we stepped out on the porch.
/ but just then the sky was lighted up
by lighting, and one tremendous thun-
der peal rolled along the mountain
sides. Its echo had not died away In
the far of wales until the rain began
to pour from the garnered fullncss of
the clouds. We waited Tor 1t to stop
! until we were all sleepy, when the girls
said we could go to bed in the little
room at the head of the stairs which
Z led out OF the kitchen, as their father
did not get up curly we could be at
home before the old folks were astir.
SO after bidding the girls good night.
and wishing them sweet dreams. and
svav.<,v,4iainc, than Tn no,po hooly ~, fJ,n
next Saturday night, we started to
bed.
1--WE didn't have far to 20, as the bed
stood near the head Of the stairs. John
was soon in bed, but as WAS always
litue slow and full of curiosity. 1
was looking around the little room.
''At last / thought would sit down
on chest, which was spread over
with nice white cloth, while I drew
OF my boots, SO down sat, when,
stars Of the East! i went plump into
big custard pie!
II thought John would die laughing,
for he said 1 smashed that custard into
q shapeless mass and the plate right In
two. You see we had to be awful
quiet, so the old man would not hear
81 was now ready to get into bed, SO
l put the light out and picked up my
boots. thinking to put them in a more
convenient place, when down one of
my legs went through pipe hole,
which had been covered by paper, UP
to my hip.
Now one part of me was up stairs
while the longest part Of me was in
the Kitchen. As my leg was very long,
It reached shelf which was occupied
by dishes, pans, coffee pots, ETC., and
turned 1t over with tremendous
crush.
The girls had not retired, and we
could hear them laugh fit to split their
sides. j felt awfully shamed, and was
scared until my heart was in my
throat. for expected the old man ev
cry moment.
Il extricated my leg from the con.
founded hole just In time, for the old
lady looked into the kitchen from the
room door and asked what all that
noise was about. The girls put her off
Ms best they could and went to bed,
while John was strangling himself UNI
der the cover to keep from laughing
aloud.
we soon went off into the land of
dreams with the hope of waking early
! wish I could tell you my dreams, but
1t would take me too long. One mo-
ment would fancy myself by the side
of my Sadie, and the next would be
flying from the old man, while he
would be Furnishing his cane above
my head. This came to an end by
John giving me a kick.