The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1904-01-09
BEAR STEALS
CHICKEN PIE
HOW THE THANKSGIVING DIN
NER WAS NEARLY SPOILED.
Colonel Wheaton Fails in His Quest
After Venison, Altho He Makes
Phenomenal Shot-Misses Out Try
ing to Capture the Deer Alive.

Any old university kin take a fool m
make lawyer, a doctor er preacher
outer i'm But nuthin' but God kin make
make a cook. N he makes EN- outer
iinniusses, too you bet your meek!
Philosophy of Colonel Wheaton
1t was Christmas evening. Mr..
Powers, the Colonel, and We're gam
cred, together with several other
guests, around the hospitable board OF
Mrs. Partridge, the coloneIs sister,
and the Colonel was in charge OF the
conversaton-which last statement IS
clearly in the nature Of surplusage:
Mrs. Partridge had just placed dish
that no hotel in this, or any other
country can furnish-which statement
may be large but is true for all that-
on the table, raising thereby false
hopes that serving and discussing II
would break the flow of the coloneIs
eloauence-which only death can 90
tho it would have brought any otner
man under heaven to the use OIL nts
teeth and palate, leaving his tongue 10
the afterwork of fifty chanting It's
nraises-which human tongues never
had the power to do
For the dish in question was an
American chicken pie. DO you re-
member how John Fry oroeI Teh eiI piSS
mutton pastry for young John hido
and himself on the homeward roe
from Blundelrs? "Zarve un up IN
tin with the gravity zame's hardered
last Toosday," said John-and thats
the only way to serve chicken PIE
Serve it in the dish, pan, or "las ~ -
in which it has been cooked; serve ~
right out Of the oven; and II IL mas
heen properly compounded 1t is dish
fit for an American-Who outranhs
any king in the European hush royal.
which Is the way Mrs. Partrlage
served this excellent ple-and the 1881
is the colonel, not silence.
.oThis pie is putty nigh the real
thing, amt it? Sis can COOK HILle
BIT Wen she gives her mind 70 IT,
but you oughter seen that ch1cken
pie she made fer one ThanksglviIl
hack in Wisconse. The whole trloe
,.orna home fer dinner that year, n
rnother'p' Sis they was a-cookln !ei,
q man couldn't have no peace O NINA
anvwheres bout the house fer week
before. The very day before she
made this pie in big crock, er dlsn'
err sompin, bouts big's soap kltlle'
m finished bakin' it jest fore supper,
~ set 1t on the kitchen table to cool
,fore she nut it away in the pantry.
Then mother she told men BOD we
nusr dust out'n' git deer SOS she
hav some ven'son fer dinner mex day.
fer she cal'lated to Civ the folks SOM
min of bout ev'ry thing to eat there
was.
Il remember that so we'll cause 60
in after that deer I made the Dog
gane1ast shot ever was made. Bob
~ I,,1 Z wouldn't go; he was courtln d
school ma'am bout then, m she was
deer, nough fer him, so 1 hiked on
alone.
~ didn't go fer fore I seen big
buck ways off in some scruo OAKS k5.
a4scratchin' his off ear with his mgr
hind foot, m JPN let go at him
The light wasn't very good, m the
bullet only went thru his foot, his
nose m his ear; not 'nutt TO hur
him much, but I come thin one o.
gittin' him all samee. The bullet Gu
off a long twig Of the tough burr oar
fore 1t hit him, m driv 1T rlght tnr'
his foot n his nose, n after 1t Wen
thro the nose it curliqued off botf
wavs. n there he was, tn foot wa
mined tight to the nose, the twig wa
to11eher'n ieesewax, m he COuldn
puli loose noways. SO he was goln
roun' on three laigs, ,craz1er,n loon
m fallin' over himself ev'ry jump:
It'd q got him easy put L TOOK IN
fool notion of leadin' him in alive s.
T ketched him round the neck, tie
strong Irvine I had in my poke
SOS to choke him eff he didn't com
quiet, n then cut the twig SOS nj
foot come down to the groun
agin. led him out to the road for
he knew where he was at, n the
he begun a circus so burned qulc
that he had me on the run down tn
road after him fore I knowed VIVA
was comm. He was headed right, \
I'd a fetched him home all righ
too 1--WE hadn't come onto blam
fool calf that run right inter m
'steder gittin' outer the way.
II went spang over the Calls bacl
N, whacked my fool head 'ginst a hi
rock m busted it to slivers. Buste
NV head? Nav! Busted the rocl
D;ye think my heads S soft's yourn
M the deer went afluin' way off yo1
der. m I went home feelin' foolishe
m Kell the Old Man felt time ups
'em in Little Trout Lake.
well, when I got home 1T was put
dark m 'ginnin' to rain n sneake
into the settin' room, 'tendin' to git !
stairs m put my gun away 1ore u
folks seen me, but lists opened u
door to them stairs heered Sis go o.
into the kitchen m then let out tt
awfullest yell you ever heered.
thought the house was af1re sure
run out m b'gosh there was TN
derndest sight you ever seen; me
was a big old he bear, bigger co,
walkin' out the kitchen door with t!
big chicken pie in his forepaws,. hi
walkin' on his hind legs. n S
aweltin him over the head with u
broom ev'ry step he took.
"Rut he didn't mind that no more
water runnin' off a ducks back
IN Iess,n a minute. he was outside
Numb gone outer sight. run
NV gun, m so did Bob, who'd come
rnnnin. too, when Sis hollered. n
both lit out after him. 1t was darl
the inside Of a COW by then n
"a. couldn't see hide ner hair of the bes
hut we soon got to the gate n Q
Unto the road, m then Bob ketcn
sfghter him sittin' on a log s1de I
road N drinkin' the gravy outer I
bic DISH holdin' it up to MS mou
with both hands, Jest IKE d iliaii '"
no manners might DO.
N"Bob he let drive at him, N bgo
b,,t the old bear went over on
hack. m yelled 'Ach! Mein Colt
himmel! ich bin geschotten! er sol
IN other foolishness like that. we r
over to him akitin', 'n'-was 1t t
,,earq Bear nothin'! It was
T}ntch Henry that lived thin five m
~ us. m had been to town, n
Jagged, m his old woman drlv on
Isf' him, same's she alters done VIII
ha did. M he'd started home afo
ascarryin' jug, m was drinkin' on
a when Bob took him fer the be
re wasn't hurt none, only scared de
snher. The bullet only smashed
Il siIr M spilled all his schnapps. t
NO made a bee next day n got the ]
oaj,, &C. C.. Kelly