davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Pike County press. (Milford, Pa.) 1895-1925, 1904-01-29
vivid sugpestiveneas,

Mrs. Slimdiet-No; I don't believe
in French cooking. Ny idea is to have
every dish suggest its chief ingredient.
New Boarder-Yes; notice this
gelatine tastes like glue.-N Y.
Weekly.
Pike County press. (Milford, Pa.) 1895-1925, 1904-01-29

ibid he leave you anything when
he went away?" they asked Of the
landlady's grief-stricken daughter, to
whom the youth had been most de-
voted
yes" she sighed; she left a board
bill. Chicago Post.
Pike County press. (Milford, Pa.) 1895-1925, 1904-01-29

nc u IOpAt
ooh, l wouldn't put it so brutally as
that. There are better ways Of ex-
pressing your opinion of him."
How, for instance?"
well, you might say that he's the
kind Of man who's likely TO have the
simple Inscription on his tombstone:
He blew out the gas. Chicago
Post.
Pike County press. (Milford, Pa.) 1895-1925, 1904-01-29

Temperance Lecturer - o my
friends, there are some spectacles
which one never forgets.
Old Lady's Voice lin rear)-Fd like
to know, sir, where they sell them,
If you don't mind.-N. Y. Times.
Pike County press. (Milford, Pa.) 1895-1925, 1904-01-29

He-Reggie Fitzjames has become
recklessly engaged to any number Of
girls, but he always gets out OF Ct.
she-With deceney?
He-Oh, yesl He merely has TO go
and ask the fathers consent and it's
all oyer.-Tit-Bits.
Pike County press. (Milford, Pa.) 1895-1925, 1904-01-29

Visitor at Sehool-Whata al rapt look
that dear little fellow wearsl
Dear Little Fellow (overhearing)-
Teacher just hit me over the knuckles
with ruler, Princeton
Tiger.
Pike County press. (Milford, Pa.) 1895-1925, 1904-01-29

Honest, now. Uncle Eph'm," said
one of the young men, did you ever,
in all your life, have as much money
as ten dollars at one time ?"
II was wuff eightee' hun'ed dollahs
once" replied Uncle Eph'm, stifiiy,
'jes' as I stood. Chicago Tribune.
Pike County press. (Milford, Pa.) 1895-1925, 1904-01-29

Maude--so she married and aid
well2
Annie-Yes. She gets sS5 a week
now.
-Pin-money2
Annie-No; alimony.-Judge.
Pike County press. (Milford, Pa.) 1895-1925, 1904-01-29

at must be a great comfort to you
to own such splendid furniture"
"ComfortP There isn't but one COM
Portable chair in the whole lot, and
my wife invariably wants to sit in
that Tit Rite
Pike County press. (Milford, Pa.) 1895-1925, 1904-01-29
Youthful Promoter,

"Willie, is your sister at home?
"Well, she said to tell you no, but
II you have about rs cents think can
arrange a meeting for you."-N. Y.
Journal
Pike County press. (Milford, Pa.) 1895-1925, 1904-01-29

Miss Clara Winterbloom-Ma Mamma
This is Mr. Tnttsf want to introduce
him to you, Do you know that he was
under the impression that was the
only daughter, and have just beer
telling him that / have two sisters.
Mrs. Winterbloom-0h, yes. You
must meet Maud and Estelle, Mr.. Tut
ter. They are both OF them older thar
Clara there.
Young Tutter (wishing to say the
right thing)--I didn't suppose it posi-
bic, Mrs. Winterbloom. that you could
have any daughters older than Miss
Clara.-Tit-Bits
Pike County press. (Milford, Pa.) 1895-1925, 1904-01-29

"Yes, Jones has been awarded the
contract for weighing and registering
the weight of all the elephants for the
new circus"
"H'ml He must be doing business
on large scale. Baltimore News.
Pike County press. (Milford, Pa.) 1895-1925, 1904-01-29

Teacher-Give me a definition of
"operable." and use the adjective in
a sentence to illustrate.
Claude-"Operable"-capable of be-
ing worked. Example: my father
is operable. IN. Y. Times.
Pike County press. (Milford, Pa.) 1895-1925, 1904-01-29

The dog had been chasing his own
tail for a quarter OF an hour.
Papa" quoth Willie, "what kind
of dog is that?'
"a watch dog, my SON." responded
the parent.
Willie pondered a moment.
"'Well," he finally observed, from
the length Of time il takes him to
wind himself up think he must be a
Waterbury watch dog."-Town and
Country.
Pike County press. (Milford, Pa.) 1895-1925, 1904-01-29

Bowe Heaux-l'd ike to live in
place where there was no such thing
as work. Wouldn't you?
Hoe Beaux-Yes, and I'd like to
have the job of director of public
worls.-Pennsylv Punch Bowl
Pike County press. (Milford, Pa.) 1895-1925, 1904-01-29

Penfeld-Unless you're engaged to
a young woman you should never
make her present of anything last
ting. Give her some flowers, or candy,
or
Merritt-A copy Of the best selling
book of the day.-Town Topics.
Pike County press. (Milford, Pa.) 1895-1925, 1904-01-29

"Say, pa, what's fame9"
q "That. which people give a man
after he is dead instead of the money
he needed when he was alive. Chi.
caro- Record Herald
Pike County press. (Milford, Pa.) 1895-1925, 1904-01-29

why is it that most Of the worlds
great men were homely?"
''The other men wouldn't have
turned In and made them great il
they had been handsome enough to
cause jealousy. Chicago Record.
Herald
Pike County press. (Milford, Pa.) 1895-1925, 1904-01-29

"Why keep me in suspense? Why
not give me an answer now?'
'Oh, dear, mol You propose so beau
tifully that I want to give you achanee
to do it all over again."-N. Y. Jour.
nal
Pike County press. (Milford, Pa.) 1895-1925, 1904-01-29

"And what did that howwid tough
say to You, Reggie, after he had taken
youah watch and money away" asked
Willyboy.
"He added insult to wobbery," splut-
tered Reggie "He said his motto was;
DO it now,' and l was the only it he
aw."-Cineinnat Commercial Trib-
une
Pike County press. (Milford, Pa.) 1895-1925, 1904-01-29

Wifey-Whys George, don't you
know whose picture it is? It's mann
ma'sl
Hubby-Is it? Oh yes. But, YOU
see, the photographer succeeded in
getting her to put on a pleasant ex-
Observation-Disclosures Bulletin.
Pike County press. (Milford, Pa.) 1895-1925, 1904-01-29

Balch & Son, Matamoras. and al
general ftores in Pike county guar
nntee every bottle Of Chamberlain 3
Cough Remedy and win refund tile
money3o anyone who is not satis-
fled after using two thirds of the
contents This is the best remedy
Ia the world for la grippe. coughs.
colds, Group and whoopinR cough
ard Is pleasant and safe 10 take 70
prevents any tendency Of a cold to
result in pneumonia. q 20 "a
Pike County press. (Milford, Pa.) 1895-1925, 1904-01-29

In some of the hotels OF Switzerland
there are two wine-lists-one for Ger
mans, and the other for Americans and
Euglishmen. The German list Is IS
pr cent cheaper than the higher
alleea Ha4.
Pike County press. (Milford, Pa.) 1895-1925, 1904-01-29
NATIONAL HOTEL.

A landmark among the hotels Of Wash
inQton, patronized in former years by
presidents and high officials. Always q
prime favorite. Recently remodeled and
rendered better than ever. Opp. Pa. h
r. dep. WALTER BURTON, Res. Mgr
These hotels are the principal politica
rendezvous of the capital at all times
They are the best stopping places at rea
sonable rates.
o. q. STAPLES. Proprietor.
@. DEWITT. ~ anager.
Pike County press. (Milford, Pa.) 1895-1925, 1904-01-29

By means Of an ingenious instru.
ment, the hydrose0pe, the human eye
sight can penetrate the ocean depths
and clearly distinguish objects over e
mile below the surface. The inventor
IS signor Pine, an Italian, a sehoolmats
Of Marconi.
Pike County press. (Milford, Pa.) 1895-1925, 1904-01-29
Washington Hotels
RIGGS HoUsE.

rhe hotel par excellence Of tho capital
located within one block OF the White
House and directly Opposite the Treasury.
Finest table in the city
Pike County press. (Milford, Pa.) 1895-1925, 1904-01-29

There once was a freshman named Green
lug.
who ZEN down four flights without mean
ing:
The ianitor swors as he struck the ground
floor;
q twill take all the afternoon cleaninEi"
--Columbia Jester
A. w 'Baleh 8 Son. Maiamoras.
an general stores in Pike county.
guarantee every bottle Of Chamber
lain'B Cough Remedy and viii refund
the money TO anyone who Is not
naiisiied after using two. thirds Of
the contents This is the best Feme-
dy ia the world for Ia grippe. coughs,
colds, Group aud whooping cough
end is pleasant and safe 20 take. It
prevents any tendency Of a cold 70
result in pneumonia
Pike County press. (Milford, Pa.) 1895-1925, 1904-01-29
WILLARD'S HOTEL.

A famous hotelry, remarkable for its
historical associations and long-sustained
popularity. Recently renovated, repainted
and partially refurnished
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1904-03-11

MARK HANNA's WILL-Mark Han.
mas estate aggregates $3,0O0OOO, and
it is all left to his family. The wild.
ow, Charlotte Augusta Hanna, is be.
queathed the homestead and all its
furnishings, the stables and the library,
and yearly allowance. The other
larger benefcisries are his son, Daniel
Rhodes Hanna and his two married
daughters. A sister receives $4,000,
an aunt 81 900. and each OF his grand.
children 5000. He directed that all
partnerships in which he was interest.
cd should continue, but delegates
power to the trustees named to termi.
nate any OF them, if they consider il
for the best interests of the estate.
Daniel Hannn, Mrs. Hanna aud L. C.
Hanna are named as trustees.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1904-03-11

HOMER DAvENPORT.-The evolution
OF genius is seldom better illustrated
than in the career of Homer Daven-
port. the cartoonist, who like Grant,
made failure of farm life and the
several mechanical vacations he passed
through to obtain his meal tickets on
the journey OF life. His first efforts at
drawing were failures, but the quaint
humor of his csricatures more than
the execution of the artist aided him
to fame. He is an Oregon product,
and like our big turnips and beautiful
apples appeals to Pacific Coasters as a
wonder indigenous to the soil. Mr..
Davenport is now on a lecturing tour
under the direction OF that eminent
bureau founded by James B. Pond,
who several years ago visited our city
with Mark Twain.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1904-03-11

THE N. Y. World. always q goldbue
paper and admirer Of Cleveland. says
that il he were nominated for Presi.
dent be would receive many Repnbli-
can votes. Doubtless; and lose many
Democratic votes. 1t was to him
that monometalism owes its existence
to-day as we'll 40 the fact that the Re-
publican party is now in the saddle.
OF course he would receive Republican
votes. The devil always takes care OF
his own.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1904-03-11

EIGHT hundred delegates sailed
Wednesday from New York, bound
for Jerusalem, where the worlds
fourth Sunday School Convention will
be held, April 18th. The round trip
will consume II days, seventeen Of
which will be spent in Palestine. In
that venerated historic land, the tour.
lists will be cared for by U. S. Vice Con.
sui Clark, who has resided there the
past 46 years.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1904-03-11

1T seems that Mayor Harrison OF
Chicago is having much trouble. He
was lately among the indicted for man
slaughter in neglecting 10 enforce ade.
quate protection against the dangers
OF FIRE shown in the Iroquois disaster
Now the Federation of Labor has de.
nounced him as" unfair" for refusal to
discharge unlicensed engineers on pub
lie buildings in obedience to the de.
mand of union men.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1904-03-11

AND now certain Quid Nuncs claim
to have discovered some very nice long
slender poles to use in punching pros.
pective candidates, if occasion should
offer, with "Put up, or shut up" as
the alternative.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1904-03-11
King Should Be King.

The Forum calls attention to the
fact that while King county with an
alleged population OF 100000; over
S73,OOO,OOO OF taxable property, and
a Republican vote of more than H.
600, has been without single State
officer since January, 1897. 1t like
wise notes the fact that Chehalis coun-
ty with $4,000 population, Gin round
numbers) has the State Superintend-
emit; Clallam with 1000, the State Au-
ditor; Klickitat, with 5000, q Justice
OF the Supreme Court; Lewis, with
2l,O0O, the State Treasurer; Pacific,
with 1000, the Attorney General;
Skagit with 10000, the Executive;
Snohomisb, with $4,000, the Secretary
of State; Spokane, with $4,000 and
Walla Walla $4,000, each Supreme
Judge; Whatcom, with $4,000, Su-
preme Judge and Land Commissioner,
and Whitman with 4l,0O0, another of
the Supreme Judges.
King has nearly two thirds the popu-
lation and wealth OF all these counties,
and one-fourth that OF the whole State,
and has not single representative on
the State roll of officers! Yea, verify.
While we have no special interest
in our neighbors' party quarrels, we
feel an abiding friendship for a COM
munity which has in times past shown
considerable zeal in promoting our
local interets; the acts of Gov. Nc
Graw with reference to capitol con-
struction, it will be remembered. being
in delightful contrast with the malign
influence exerted by Gov. Rogers, who
declared that the State capitol should
never be constructed on q McGraw
foundation" There are many people
hereabout who would be pleased TO
see King county receive her due share
of political recognition from the pre-
vailing party, and leave it with recog-
nized political opponents to contest
for supremacy on matters OF general
principle, instead OF her being continu-
ally downed by a combination of cor
rupt partisans to gerrymander the
State by states based upon sordid
selfishness instead OF any pretense OF
recognized tenet OF party faith.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1904-03-11

The people of Yakima valley cen.
sure very severely Gov. Mcbride for
giving them no representation on the
irrigation commission, except the
salaried manager Of . foreign water
company which seeks to obtain con.
troll of the whole supply.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1904-03-11

WHAT 1T is TO HAVE A SENATOR
Seattle can now see what she is losing
by not having an U. s. Senator, when
Mr.. Ankeny who represents Walla
Walla can have the War Departments
order to abandon the military post
hitherto known as Fort Walla Wallis
not only rescinded but the establish
ment of a four company perma nent
garrison there, involving many hun.
dred of thousands OF dollars in con.
struction, equipment and maintain.
ance. Verify it pays to have repre-
sentation.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1904-03-11

A SAN DIEGO, CAL, woman will ex-
hibit at the Worlds Fair, butter ma de
in 1858. The butter was placed in
spring house in that year and it dis
appeared in the quick sand. It was
recently recovered and was found to
be in q remarkably good state of
preservation. It is now in cold stor.
age,
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1904-03-11

The State now has nearly $500
wards 10 be cared for in the Home at
Orting. the asylums at Steilacoom
and Medical Lake, the Reform School
and School for Defective Youth at
Chehalis and Vancouver, and the
Penitentiary at Walla Walla.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1904-03-11

A SINGING MOUsE.-A man in Lon.
don is said to have Q mouse which
sings like canary. One of the ex.
plantations given OF the rare occurrence
is that, mice are subject to bronchial
troubles and when under this affection
the construction of their throats 10
such that the wheezing noise made by
human mortals under like circum.
stances becomes the charming notes
OF the most fascinating and compan.
ionable OF birds. Others claim that
mice are natural vocalists and can
learn to sing from the bird creation.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1904-03-11

The Congressional investigation Of
charges against the ex-Postmaster
General Heath. show that he was in.
volved in numerous postal deals, and
one OF the committee characterized his
administration Is "a shameful story
OF fraud and maladministratiou."
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1904-03-11

A CANDIDATE for Office should have
courage enough to stand firmly, when
ground is once taken. The moment
he shows the white feather he is ready
for the grill.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1904-03-11

PRESIDENT Joseph F. Smith, OF the
Mormon Church, q witness in the
SmOot case at Washington, admits
that he il believer in the doctrines
OF the Latter Day Saints. and is q
polygamist. and virtually asks " What
are you going 10 do about itr When
it comes to matter OF conscience, as
it evidently is in his case, the con-
stitutional guaranty of religious belief
has to come up for consideration in all
its amplitude.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1904-03-11

OUR CoNGREssNEN CAUGHT MAD
PrNG.-Bristow's report, read in the
House Of Representatives., Monday,
accuses many members of Senate and
House OF having used their influence
improperly in securing increased clerk
hire and leases of postoffice premises.
Only five State delegations escaped
Mr.. Bristow's criticism-our neighbor
Oregon being one Of the five. Senator
Fostor and Representative Cushman
are shown to have acted jointly in SO.
curing $500 for clerk hire in the Car.
bonado Office and $40 for rent, which
allowances we're afterwards cut off as
altogether unnecessary. Representa-
tive Jones is accredited with having
secured an allowance of 5000 for Day
ton, which amount after Investigate ton
was reduced to 5000. It seems that
Congress is in earnest for abolishing
that way Of either paying political debts
or OF creating party capital.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1904-03-11

ONE faction OF the Republican party
in Portland has taken steps to enjoin
another wing OF the same party from
voting country prisoners at the mu.
nicipsl primaries, as they intend doing,
as has been shown by having the NAL.
efactors registered as qualified cleo.
tors. Most of these men are serving
sentences for larceny, burglary and
other crimes.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1904-03-11

THE Democratic party is 20 gov.
erned by principle that it is weak in
cohesive elements. The Republicans
in Congress act as one man; the
Democrats seem hopelessly divided.
They are worse off than the old wo-
man who had two teeth left, one In
each jaw. She earnestly called at.
tention to that fact and added "But,
thank God, they hitp
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1904-03-11

The interior of the new Rainier
clubhouse at Seattle, was last week,
completely destroyed by fire, but the
association carried $4,000 insurance,
which will be ample to restore the
finish and furniture.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1904-03-11

GEN. KOUROPATKIN, like the cruel
Gar. is probably more OF bigot than
hypocrite, in preparing for war by
the most solemn of religious services.
He tasted week, made confession and
partook OF the sacrament. The Of.
floating priest held up the sacred
image OF st. Serquis, blessed PROSTATE
commander and babe him God speed,
notwithstanding he represented the
cause of q sovereign who sanctioned
Wholesale slaughter OF the Jews and
broke faith time and again in matters
Of diplomacy with other nations.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1904-03-11

STILL DIsCoNTENTED.-And now the
Statesman objects to Chairman He'll.
ner's attempt to induce the State Com
mittee reconsider the date and have
the convention to meet in May. It
objected to the I'd of June, because,
it thought the selection of time was
made at the dictation of the rail.
roads. 1t now objects to reconsidera-
ton, because it believes that Mr..
Heifner is trying to obtain . Hearst
delegation to st. Louis, by taking
"snap judgment" Truly the States.
man is as much perturbed as the old
lady at camp.meeting. who became
Historically demonstrative under ex.
listing conditions, but could not, for
the life Of her, tell whether it was ow-
ing to religion or worms, the latter a
dreaded affection which had some.
times produced the same general ei-
feet.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1904-03-11

Oily is kept busy correcting the
alleged figures and facts given by
little Rec, who shows q lamentably
lack of credibility. It may be, how
ever, that it believes in the demagogic
sphorism that I" A lie we'll stuck to, is
good as the truth"
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1904-03-11

JUDGE Smell, of Spokane, has declared
that portion Of the new bakery law
which prohibits operation in q cellar
or basement, is unconstitutional and
void, being discriminating in nature,
affording . special privilege to baker
les in Easements before the act went
into operation. The action had been
brought against q baker who had
opened a subterranean bake.shop after
the act had gone into effect.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1904-03-11

ONE might imagine that the g. o. p.
would abandon any claim 10 prestige
OF the past while it 60 strenuously
claims in expanding its colonial policy
that d" destiny determines dntvn
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1904-03-11
Fire Traps.

Alter much discussion, and the hor-
ror OF the Itoquois disaster has some
what subsidized, it has been determined
to rebuild the fire proof" death trap
a. Chicago At first the site was to be
consecrated ground to the sad memory
OF the $40 lives sacrificed on Dec. 3lst,
to the carelessness of humanity in
caring for the safety of his brother and
sister, and son and daughter. All the
average manager OF q theaters desire Is
to make showing of providing against
possible disasters, and then leave the
result to Providence.
Now, all personal feeling regarding
the management OF our local theater
The Olympia. aside, we hold that the
narrow stairways, placed for escape Of
balcony and gallery patrons, in case Of
fire, are veritable death-traps, instead
of fire escapes. Nobody can come
down a stairway, built at an inclina-
ton of about sixty degrees, even with
no excited rabble behind him, without
danger Of falling, and when one misses
his foothold in a panic, what is the
result? On the dead level, at Chicago,
it resulted in piling victims to the
ceiling. 1t is stated, with full deliber-
alton and after patient study, and as
matter that may be verified by sad re.
suits, when it is too late, that the pro-
visions for safety at Olympia Theater,
for protection of people in upper part
Of the house-whether the alarm of
fire is verify or not-are a delusion
and snare. 1t may require actual
demonstration to teach the thought
less, but we want it to 60 on record
that there was one newspaper which
had the temerity to sound the warning.
Can't people pause long enough to com.
prehend that wooden building will
burn as readily as one OF brick or stone?
Can they not realize that q "fire
escape" consisting of a stairway, with
greater "rise" than tread" is a men,
ace to life, even when the mind is not
upset by apprehension Of impending
disaster? Our city authorities should
not admit of subterfuge supplying
the place of adequate provision fol
safety so forcibly impressed by the
Iroquois disaster.
The name of the reconstructed Chi
cago charnel house will be changed
to The Northwest. Had it been sug.
gested that a renewal of the exper.
fence of the closing year would be pre-
sented by the management just after
the disaster, popular sentiment would
have entered most solemn, and prob
ably effective protest, against the re.
vival Of an opportunity for such culpa
BILE carelessness. Fire escapes should
be practical and ready for use at mo-
ment'e notice,
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1904-03-11

Oily. with look Of complaceny and
profound wisdom declares that its
party likes the idea Of one State Con.
ventioc. Its members may swallow
their medicine like little men, but
they must be pardoned if their faces
occasionally slip enough to betray a
decided grimace.