Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1904-02-13


YOU.
ing her his second wife, but as they
had disagreed on religious matters he
had ceased to call. This fact made the
widows heart rankle, and she was bid
ing her time to get even. When she
stood in her door and saw the deacon
and the hog approaching she realized
that her opportunity had arrived.
The front gate stood open, and as the
hog arrived opposite he rushed in
There were beds of pneys and pinks
and hollyhocks. and the hog proceeded
to devastate them. The deacon, who
was armed with club. did his best to
prevent damage. but his best didn't
count The widow looked on for q mo-
ment and then called out:
Deacon Carter, I'll have the law on
you and make you smart for this!"
But amt l trying to get the blamed
hog out 2 he shouted in reply.
mo, you're not. You drove him in
wouldn't marry your
Nobody ever asked you to marry
me-
'You as good as asked me, but
found out you was stingy and mean,
and sent you packing. Don't try to
lie out ofeit''
II wouldn't ask you to marry me if
you was the last woman on earth.
Head off that hog and help me get him
out"
Head off your own hog. You could
have kept him out if you had wanted
to, and I'll make you pay for all the
damage he's DONE"
1t took the deacon fifteen minutes to
get the hog back into the road, and
while running up and down the garden
he made use of pretty strong language,
though none too strong for the occa-
sion. At intervals, as he rushed about,
the widow would call out:
Deacon Carter, you are swearing
like a pirate, and swearing s ag'in the
doctrines of religion
I'm not swearing" he would shout
back, ''but I'll be hanged if l don't
knock the head off this Internal old hog
If he don't head out of thisv'
No sooner had the deacon disappeared
down the road with his hog than the
widow put on her bonnet and started
out among the neighbors to relate the
adventure. She not only laid her dam
ages at $50 but she could name over
fifty different swear words used in her
hearing by the deacon. In two days
1t was known for five miles around
that Deacon Carter had fallen from
grace, and at the end of q week the
In his church and had him brought up
for trial
The town was pretty evenly divided
on the question, while the deacon only
asked for fair trial The first charge
was that the deacon had steered the
hog into the widows yard out of spite;
the second that he had been profane in
her presence AS to the first charge
the deacon said:
Brethren, there are those among you
WHO nave set out 10 Drive hog along
the road. Nature made the mule oh
stinate and the hog pervcrse. If the
wind bloweth where it listeth, the hog
goeth where he pleaseth until you can
head him off with a club From my
house to the Wilder Green's is mile.
In that mile the hog had bolted on me
about thirty times, and to the best Of
nay recollection the strongest word l
used was sugar"
There was murmur of sympathy
and admiration as the deacon paused.
and it was evident that he had the
people with him.
81 didn't see the gate standing OPEN"
he continued, but the hog did. and
though fetched him whack over the
snoot with club he rushed into the
yard. | amt denying that he toyed
with the flower beds. He just gambol-
ed among the hollyhocks and rolled
among the pinks and pineys. The wild
Ow stood there and might have headed
him off, but she made no move to do
60 1t took me quarter Of an hour to