West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1904-10-13
He is Slightly Twisted on Tax Re
form and Anti-Tax Reform.
Has Been Invited to Join The Anti
Tax Reform Society.
Has Been Watching the 6xIo Boxes
Which are Coming Into Town to
Raise the Hilarity.
A Commotion in The Leader Office
Which Starts Him for the Woods.
Returns After the Commotion Ceas
es and Interviews Editor Shaw.
The Commotion Caused by Chair
man Flynn and Army Trying to
Insert Ring in the Leaders Nose.


Insert Ring in the Leaders Nose.
These are indeed strenuous times. The
fact is that am becoming inocu'a,ed with
strenuosly myself. As the campaign pro-
crosses have to restrain myself from going
on the war path. / occasionally give war
whoOp that frightens the inhabitants for
miles around. AS the little boxes, six by
ten, roll into the town become greatly ex-
cited less some doubtful voter gets possession
of ii before sample the brand. II sample
1t too often feel the strong arm of the law
fall upon my shoulder When | recover
from my samples" hear a voice cry out :
give and COSTS" For the next few days
am minus my strenuosiiY. I feel that the
war path is not my vocation in life. feel
that The samples" are not Of the genuine
Tax Reform brand; that they are Of the
variety which has twisted the anli.lax re-
formers and plac d them in The position IF
guessing whether they are going OF coming
They seem to be going faster than they are
coming at the presen, time which adds to
the hilarity of the campaign and causes
rushup order on the 6xIo boxes. / am frank
to admit that at the risk of hearing the voice
of Five and costs" l will lasso every box
that comes my way, If have to suffer a
few days in duiance vile, and cry aloud for
waterl do not propose to miss the strenu-
osity of this campaign. Such campaign
comes but once IN four years and that makes
it a long time between boxes as the Cover
nors said when they were discussing the
political situation.
So, my dear friends throughout Preston,
who have been expecting to receive a letter
from me from the spirilland, do not get dis
couraged. have passed an examination
by DIR. Pratt who for the sum of sz5 tells
me that will not take up my residence in
the "happy hunting ground" place famil-
lar to all good Indians, before the 9Th day
of November. This will be gratifying news
TO my friends, and especially to Editor
Whetsell, of the Journal, who told me later
than Yesterday that my name should appear
at the head of the Journal editorial column
as Editor-in-chief. Thus my fame has
secured for me an editorship which will
eventually bring me a fortune and assure me
membership in the "Anta-Tax Reform
Society" At the present time the society
is sadly in need of members. The hayseeds
and farmers have made an attack on the
society which threatens to undermine its
foundation. With the foundation gone there
is danger that my friend Bill Dawson will
not be able to prevent the State House from
falling down when he attempts TO enter it as
Governor. If this should come to pass
would not need the services of DR.. Pratt.
My nervous system got great shock one
day last week. As was passing the Leader
office with my gatling'gun Il never pass the
Leader office without gatling gum heard
a great commoton. From my boyhoon days
a connection would start me for the woods
on a double-quick run, a run which Leader
Shaw, Bill Menear, Ed. Messenger and my
self became very proficient in during the
sixties when report came to camp that the
lohnnys were coming in our direction. After
the commotiJn ceased returned to the
Leader office TO ascertain what started the
commotion to rolling. lie Informed me that
Chairman Flynn aud his army of God save
the Grand Old Party" had made an attack
on him while he was down on his knees
offering mp a supplcation to Jehovah to give
him INSPIRATION aud enlightenment on The
new tax bill, which was destined to destroy
every rooster, hen, pig and lamb which the
farmers had contracted for the year 1905.
He said the inspiration had begun to flow
when he was rudely and spontaneously at
tackled by Chairman Flynn and his army.
lie said IL was several minutes before he
could realize whether Jehova had let the in
spiration and enlightenment drop on him so
suddenly that he could not corral il; or
whether the Peoples Forum" was running
over. When he recovered sufficient to give
vent to his thoughts he found Chairman
Flynn and the army pouring hot shot into
the peoples Forum"
"This Forum" he said, in vigorous voice,
"has been erected at great cost II is The
pride Of my life. On ITS tower stands Lib
erty enlightening the world. DO you sup
pose for one minute that would allow linn
Flynn and his gang TO destroy Forum
which had spent years IN buildiug7 Not
so long as my whiskefs hang so auisiically
to my chin"
This brought forth tears ~ anguish from
my hazel eyes, eyes which have always been
popular with the ladies and stated nfla-
ton with the fair sex when would visit
strange town and they would gaz- upon me
for The first lime.
"rell me in mourpfu language. for am
drawing near tho grave, Why did my cam
paign friends attack you SD violently without
first giving The necessary notice TO yacats the
town Are they So young and unacquaiut-
ed with your hide that they me not aware
that ball from q 70 inch gun cauuot psne-
uale in For the last thirty year, 60 my
personal knowledgs they have leer fling
into your old carcass and upon close inspec.
iion cannot ind dint iu your hide This
fills me With emotion and gratitude Nav
your hide never grow thinner nor the PEG.
pies Forum smaller is the wish NJ one Who
has stood by you galIanny when we wanted
an increase in our pensions
II was some time bcfYr. ne Leader
Leader could give inference hi. haar.fft
gratitude for my siiHsong ri bis back bone.