davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1904-11-25
sToRIETTEs

country sexton in England ON.
ciated at q funeral clad in q red waist.
coat At the conclusion Of the obse
Quies, the vicar gently demonstrated
with the old grave-digger, saying:
Robert, you should not wear RED
waistcoat at funeral; YOU hurt the
feelings of the mourners." Robert re.
piled, placing his hand on his breast:
"Well, what does it matter, sir. SO
long as the heart Is black?"
Barney Ordfeld, the automobiist,
has a good collection OF etchings, one
of them being of the leaning tower OF
Pisa, which hangs over his writing.
desk. For a long time he noticed
that it persisted in hanging crooked,
despite the fact that he Strengthened
1t every morning. At last he spoke
20 the maid, asking her If she was
responsible for its lop-sided condi-
ton. "Why, yes" she said: Il have
to hang it crooked to make the tower
hang straight"
Senator John T. Morgan, who is
quite near-sighted. while ut dinner one
evening in a hotel experienced COL
siderable difficulty in separating from
the plate passed him by the colored
waiter what he thought was a choco'
late ecIair. 1T stuck fast, SO Senator
Morgan pushed his fork quite under
1t, and tried again and again to pry II
up Suddenly he became aware that
his friends at the table were con-
vulsed with laughter, which much
a,ystified him. But his surprise was
even greater when the waiter quietly
remarked: pardon me, senator. but
that's my thumb"
On the day after the rule went into
effect that each free pass to theatre
must have stamp showing that the
holder had paid ten cents toward the
Actors Fund. well-known actress
presented passes at the box-office OF
The Harlem Opera House, and handed
over with them twenty cents for
stamps, which she received. The next
IN line was fashionably dressed
woman who had watched the proceed.
.ngs with interest. She bought two
seats. and after receiving her change,
still fingered. The treasurer asked,
politely: II gave you your change,
lid I not?" Eyes" she said. Il got
my change, but I don't propose to be
cheated. want my trading-stamps.'
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1904-11-25

You never hear any enc complain
about Defiance Starch. There is none
70 equal 1t In quality and quantity. 18
ounces 10 cents. Try 1t now and save
your money.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1904-11-25

The Baldwin flying machine lighted
IN tree. The only genuine and orig.
fnal flying machines also light in
trees.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1904-11-25

A nutmeg tree Of the largest size
will produce only about five pounds Of
nutmegs.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1904-11-25

Lucky men always say it is due to
pluck.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1904-11-25

Mrs. Windows Soothing Syrup.
Fer children teethtng, soetens the gums reduces IN
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1904-11-25

"Dr. David KenBedys Favorite Remedy.
Rondbut N. cured my ser!rns dney trouble airA
81 pounds" s. Warde Burnsvilic. NJ J. Bottles p10a
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1904-11-25
F1Ow'S Thi4 r

1t is easier to apologize to big
man than to a little one.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1904-11-25

Bachelors win tell you that matri.
mony also Is among the doubtful
states.

Hr. Hirsch tells us that marriage Is
no picnic. The doctors text Is older
than the Pentateuch.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1904-11-25

ElYe permanently cured. No fits NERVOUSNESS afs1
Hsu frst daye use of Dr. Klnes Great Nerve Kaster
o.. Send for FREE 81 90 tria, bottle and treatise
Du. r. II. KLINE Ltd o Arch Street, PHILADELPHIA -
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1904-11-25
Insist on GETTING Il.

Little men in big places are a public
nuisance.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1904-11-25
40 GOLDFlELD CHANCES

Chas. NJ. Schwab, Senators Depew and Ell Ms arc
nnycrsof Goldield stocks. and pronounce the nsw ,
camp the greatest ever known" shipping ore sso
to 5000 per TOT. Rex owns 40 acres Complete
assay office md chemical laboratory. buy &c
Founders shares. Invest your dollars they may
make you rich. Sworn statements every IL dgys-
Pictur map free. J'By + EOg.DFIEl. ID REA
MINING COMPANY, Lan.ford f.. huSler.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1904-11-25

1t is up to the bookkeeper to keep
posted.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1904-11-25

France produced 5000 novels last
year percentage adapted for perusal
by The Young Girl not stated.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1904-11-25

What the fisherman gets out of his
.ein is net profit.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1904-11-25

The average mans hair will grus
thin without resorting to antifat.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1904-11-25

A woman's portrait isn't natural
unless it is a speaking likeness.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1904-11-25
More Flexible and Lastino.

won't shake out or blow out; by using
Defiance Starch You obtain better re-
suits than possible with any other
brand and one-third more for SAINT
money.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1904-11-25

A girl with common sense has a
pretty hard time getting a husband.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1904-11-25
Important to Mothers.

Everybody is a pretty good business
man till he is in it for himself.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1904-11-25
IL! :! ESSSSSSS

It Cures Colds, Coughs, Sore Throat, Group, 1nao.
enas, Whooping Cough, Bronchitis and XsthmA
certain cnre for Consumption in first stage,
and sure. relief in advanced stages. Use Il oEce
You will see the excellent effect after takinC the
arst dose. Sold by dealers everywhere. Ialgs
a0ttles 25 cents and 50 GEMS
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1904-11-25

Il thought you were quite we'll ac.
quainted with Brown" said Ascun,
mo, indeed" replied Cholly; "I--aw
only associate with my equals, and
--' Really, you should aim higher
than that."-Ex.
The wind decides how long a su.
matra widow shall wear mourning
Immediately after her husbands death
she plants a flagstaff at her door
upon which a flag is raised. Will,
the flag remains uniform by the wind
etiquette forbds that she should MOI
ry. But as soon as rent appears M
matter how small, she can lay asi,le
her weeds and don her most becoming
gown and bewitching smile. .
do you expect to send your son r.
college?" well, I haven't decided
yet. In view of the hazing and the
football. I'm half inclined to believe
it would be more merciful to finish
him up with chloroform. "-Cbicapo
Record-Herald.
An odd purchase was made NV
farmer in Woolrich, Pa. In Massa.
chusetts he bought a second-hana
hearse and had it shipped to his farm,
1t was his intention to use II no
vehicle for conveying his nrodnca
from place to place. His neiybhora
Injected to the presence Of the death.
wagon; and ono night they made a,
bonfire Of II.
Clarke courier. [volume] (Berryville, Va.) 1869-1997, 1904-09-28
Fruit at the Breakfast Table
Nature Provides its Own Remedies which, Used JudiciOuIy
Insure Perfect Health at All Times

Aside from the pleasure OF eating
seasonable fruits before beginning the
fast meal of the dvy. this custom has
undoubtedly arisen from the well konwn
fact that nearly all fruit and more par.
ticularly plums and PRUNES contain
natural laxative principles which act
directly on the stomach and bowels.
Constipation. that dread and trouble
some complaint which is undoubtedly
the basic cause OF nine-tenths OF the
dyspepsia, indigestion, billiousness, etc.
so prevalent among our people today.
and, which IL neglected, surely leads to
more complicated and serious organic
diseases, can surely be prevented, and
when not too far advanced, can bee alb
solutely cured by the judicious use of the
modern laxative and cathariic California
Prune Waters.
They are not n patent medicine in the
ordinary sense of the word. being com
pounded from fresh California Prunes.
which every intelligent person knows is
truly natures laxative.
a dainty little wafer, always the same.
compounded in highly concentrated
Clarke courier. [volume] (Berryville, Va.) 1869-1997, 1904-09-28
The Rival NIghtinEaIes,

A writer on birds. Edmund SelonS,
describes 4 song contest between two
male nightingales. Jealousy" he says.
did not seem 10 blind them on the
merit OF each others performance.
Though often one, upon hearing the
sweet, hostile strains. would burst
forth instantly itSclf-and here there
was no certain mark OF appreciation
yet sometimes. perhaps quite as often.
II would put its head on one side and
listen with exactly the appearance Of
musical connoiSseur. weighing. test
ing and appraiSing each note rs il
Issued from the rival bill \ curious.
half suppressed expression would steal
or seem TO steal-fOr fancy may play
her part in such matters over the
listening bird. and the Idea appeared
to be. How exquisite would be those
strains were they not sung 10y -
and yet must admit that they are eN
Quisite'"
Clarke courier. [volume] (Berryville, Va.) 1869-1997, 1904-09-28
ANTS NOSES.
There Are Five OF Them. and Each
Has Its own Duty.

mas It's own buNy.
In their antennae. or feelers. ants
have five noses, each Of which has its
own duties 10 perform.
one nose tells the ant whether it is
In its own nest or that OF an enemy;
another nose discriminateS between
odOrs OF ants OF the same species. but
OF different colonies; third nasal or
gan serves the purpose OF discerning
the scent laid down 10y the ants own
feet, So that Il may be able 10 retrace
the way quite easily; fourth nose
smells the larvae and pupae. and the
fifth nose detects the presence Of an
enemy.
II an ant be deprived Of certain
nose. IL will live peaceably with enc
mics, but ii il retains its fifth nose it
will fight the alien TO the death There
is difference in the functions Of nose
one and nose five, although they ap-
pear TO be somewhat alike.
This sense OF smell does not come
till the ants are three days old. II.
therefore. ants only twelve hours old
are placed among Others belonging 20
different colonies, they will grow up
quite amicably and not understand
that they are mixed lot. because
they Will have grown up with ideas OF
scent in accordance with their sur
roundingS. The sense of smell TO them
is as important as the sense OF sight
10 human beings.
Clarke courier. [volume] (Berryville, Va.) 1869-1997, 1904-09-28
LETTER WRITING.
Use only black ink.

Use only black ink
Do not write long business letters.
Do not write brief letters Of friend
ship.
Do not offer advice unless you are
asked for IT.
Never use words with which YOU are
not familiar.
Do not I'LL your letters with lengthy
excuses for your silence
Always use unruled paper OF fine
texture. Avoid a pronounced color.
Never write OF another ANYTHING
which you would not wish him TO see
Under no circumstances send half a
sheet Of paper, even for the hricfeSt
note.
Never begin your letter with the
statement that you have little time
for correspondence
Do not write of personal or other
important matters 10 strangers or or
binary acquaintance.
Do not send an important message
on postal card and never use them
for notes OF invitation.-Mc and
Women
Clarke courier. [volume] (Berryville, Va.) 1869-1997, 1904-09-28
TOMB OF CONFUCIUS.
One of the Chief spots OF Interest In
the Orient.


One of the Chief spots OF Interest In
the Orient.
The city of Chufuhsien. the Mecca OF
the believers I'm Confucianism. Is I'm the
SsItince OF Shangtung. one OF the most
populous districts or the orient. Here
Confucius was born. and here his
sacred bones lie buried. The tomb.
which Is located I'm one Of the largest
cemeteries I'm the province. about three
miles out from the city above mention.
ed, is one OF the most imposing in the
whole empire.
The grave itself is surmOunted by an
earth mound about twelve feet in
height, the whole surrounded by e
cluster OF gnarled oaks and stately CIV.
press trees. Before the mound IS n
tablet about six feet broad and twenty
feet high. upon which are inscribed the
names and deeds OF the great founder
or Confucianism. a religion adhered 70
by over 4OO.0OO.OOO human beings. The
burden or this inscription. according TO
reliable translation. in Perfect one q"
Absolutely Pure" Perfect Sage"
First Teacher" Great Philosopher"
etc.
The avenue which leads up 10 the
philosophers tomb is even more inter
esting than the actual place OF burial
Itself On each side OF the avenue are
rows OF figures OF huge animals cut
In stone-lions. tigers. elephants and
horses. besides numerous mythical
creatures. such as animals half dog
and half frog. beasts with four legs
and twice rs many wings. besides a
multitude OF unnamable monsters that
never lived on the earth. I'm the wa.
ter or in the air. Taken altogether.
the burial place OF Confucius is one OF
the chief spots OF interest IN the orr
emf
Clarke courier. [volume] (Berryville, Va.) 1869-1997, 1904-09-28
WA SIS M va 81 E "a DIGESTS
49, .usnL uWmA~m r5oes
e. Sc ILL
Old Time Remedien

Strange as il may seem 10 some. the
ingredients Of the witches caldron in
Macbeth" at least a part OF them.
were once standard remedies among
Europeans. In the tenth and eleventh
centuries sovereign cure for ague
was the swallowing OF n small toad
that had been chicken 10 death on ST.
Johns eve. and splendid remedy for
rheumatism was To fasten the bands
OF clothing with pins that had been
stuck into the flesh OF either toad or
n frog. Physicians frequently recon-
mended the water from toad's brain
for mental affections and that live
toad be rubbed over the diseased parts
as cure for the quinsy.
Not the Landlords Fault,
A travelling man found hair In his
order OF honey at Muscotah hotel and
complained TO the landlord about II.
II can't help It," the landlord replied.
II bought IL for combed honey"-Kan-
sas City Star.
Clarke courier. [volume] (Berryville, Va.) 1869-1997, 1904-09-28

form from fresh California Prunes, they
are natural dissolyent, acting on the
contents OF the stomach and bowels and
not on the organ themselves.
They regulate the liver and Stomach.
Cleanse the System and Purify the
Blood, Cure all Bowel Troubles. Bilious
ness. Bad Breath, Bad Blood, wind on
the Stomach. Bloaied Bowels, Foul
Mouth, Headache, Indigestion. Pimples
and Dizziness.
Every household should have its fam
lily package of CALIFORNIA PRUNE
WATERS, and at the first signs of APP
preaching Illness or when under the
weather, take a couple of waters and the
doctors bills will soon be much smaller
than they are now
You can eat what you please if you
follow each meal with a CALIFORNIA
PRUNE WAFER, which quickly dis
solves. the most indigestible food, and
helps TO carry it through and out Of the
system in gentle and healthful manner.
without the slightest pain, gripping or
nausea 100 Waters for 25c Irving Drug
CO.. Sole Proprietors, Philadelphia, Pa.
Clarke courier. [volume] (Berryville, Va.) 1869-1997, 1904-09-28
Grant and HIS Hoy Admirer.

An intimate friend of President
Grant said to him one day. General
my little hoy has heard that all great
men write poor hands. but he says he
believes You are Il great man in spite
Of the fact that you write your sigma
ture so plainly that anybody can read
IT."
The president took a card from his
pocket. wrote his name ON il and hand
eel il to him
Give that. to your boy" he said.
and tell him il is the signature OF n
man who Is not at all great. but that
the fact must be kept a secret between
him aud me."-BoSton Christian Regis
ter
Clarke courier. [volume] (Berryville, Va.) 1869-1997, 1904-09-28


form artenbs
Tho
Shenandoah roftle
the loot OF the Sue dg I'm 4gstc citur wealth Clark
the
tlSco ftler
dainag This lis
md timothy
"a Erfam
eand f and
dfourm unks cen
q
Blue al,
public ands
Of
a roads
iroadex
and
3
thee nofth from
which VIII
oft the
ore 20
coming be
n onngc
Warren o9dopn or Jefferson will be pleased them
tsal rca atoms
Clarke courier. [volume] (Berryville, Va.) 1869-1997, 1904-09-28
A FEW
WORDS ABOUT
J0BPRIN7INC

1t used to be that the quality of
Job Printing did not amount 70
much, so far as success in business
was concerned. Any business man
or woman could get along fairly well
without it. But we live in another
and altogether different era.
Today it is necessary for business
people to have neat stationery if they
intend to occupy a prominent place
among their competitors.
When you see a piece of job print
ing crowded and the type TANNED
too close together, with dirty-loOking
ink and finger marks smeared over
IT, on low grade of paper, it doesn't
speak well for the firm which uses it.
In fact, YOU don't have the same
opinion of that place as you have of
the man whose stationery is clearly
printed with good ink on the best
grade of paper.
The quality of stationery reflects
the standing of ones business. 1t is
therefore duty you owe to yourself
to have good printing.
Clarke courier. [volume] (Berryville, Va.) 1869-1997, 1904-09-28
ODD MOON BELIEFs.
The orb of Nfsht a. Food For the
Immortal Gods

a&ncftmi Gous-
Certain II Is that belief IN the moon
rs the abode OF the fathers Was widely
spread among the peSDie speaking tho
Aryan languages. To the present day
the peasants I'm Swabia are heard 10
say. May go 10 the moon IL I did it,
instead OF May Idle a. did ST." Nay.
people who work on the Sabbath day
are threatening even now that they
VIII 40 to the moon-that il. that they
VIII die and be punished In the moon.
"A more startling idea-peculIar. n
would seem. to lndia-wns that of the
moon serving as the food OF the codx
And yet, though IL sounds strange to
us, IL was not so very unnatural ar
idea after all. The gods. though invisI-
Die. had been located I'm the sky. In
the same sky the golden moon. often
compared to round OF golden butter.
was seen regularly TO decrease. And
III IL were being consumed by anybody
by whom could IL be consumed II not
by the gods? Hence the ready conclu-
sion that IL was so and that &c was. in
tact, this food which secured TO the
gods their immortal life.
II so much had once been granted.
then came the question. How was the
moon gradually increased and restored
10 It's fullness? And here the old SUI
persution came In that the souls OF the
departed entered the moon. so that the
waxing OF the moon might readily be
accounted for by this more ancient ar
ucle OF faith. Hence the systematized
belief that the moon wgnes while II Is
being eaten by the gods and that IL
wakes while II is being filed by tho
departed souls entering IT, \ last con
ciusion was that the gods when feed
ing on the moon were really feeding on
the souls OF the departed.
Clarke courier. [volume] (Berryville, Va.) 1869-1997, 1904-09-28
Famous Phy.scinn.s Diplomacy.

Some Philadelphia physicians recent
ly were playfully discussing the diplo
macy TO be employed with young
mothers.
"When 1 am called TO n house where
is a baby whose sex ] do not know"
said one. II am always embarrassed
as TO how to speak of il. \ mother nj
ways feels better II you ask her, How
Is the little girl? or How is the little
boyY as the case may be. rs she usual
" takes pride in the sex Of the child.
whichever IL IS"
One of the most famous physicians
In the world remarked:
II never have any trouble in that re
gard make II a rule to call all babies
whose sex is unknown TO me Francis
The mother doesn't know whether |
spell Il with an T. or an e "-Philadel-
phia Ledger.
Clarke courier. [volume] (Berryville, Va.) 1869-1997, 1904-09-28
The Early Use OF Petroleum.

from u diary kept 10y one of the
surveyors il appears that the first use
OF petroleum rs remedy in this coun-
try occurred In the ncighborhood OF
the head waters of the Allegheny. in
the western part of New York. about
the beginning of the nineteenth cen
tury. As the oil flowed from =. spring
1t accumulated on the surface OF shall
low pools. and its medicinal properties
were first recognized by the Indians in
that section OF the country This oil,
which was then known us Seneca
OIL was collected and dried i'm the
sun, and in addition to It's medicinal
use IL was also employed for mixing
the war paint FOR the tribe
Clarke courier. [volume] (Berryville, Va.) 1869-1997, 1904-09-28
PARTIAL LIST OF FARMS.

ON Shenandoah
land
a keof clear near
al
10
ugh The and well
m eromt and half miles
a
~ AREA desirable
2ARN depot. Large
lfarnSn
IA ACRES turnpike;
farm. located
near 'huf'hes and school house
in sale
home DESTROYS
VI me
Clarke courier. [volume] (Berryville, Va.) 1869-1997, 1904-09-28
The Curre of Money.

A negro was arrested FOR stealing
He had been caught helping himself
10 the contents OF the cash drawer in
the store OF Mr.. Appleton. The mag
istrate before whom the negro was
brought knew him and was much sur
priSed 10 learn the charge against the
prisoner. Looking at the negro ear
nestly, he said: Sam, I'm sorry 10
see you here. Didn't you know that
no good could come from stolen mon
ey? There's a curse on IT,"
well. jedge," replied the prisoner.
Il didn't know Mistah Appleton stole
dat money. couldn't tell dat 10y Jest
lOol>in' ut it."-IIarper'S Weekly.
Clarke courier. [volume] (Berryville, Va.) 1869-1997, 1904-09-28
THE COURIER

The Cor TER, as Won are aware, is
the only newspaper in Clarke county.
There is no need of another, because
this Journal covers the local field so
completely and promptly with uniyer-
sal satisfaction, that it has long since
been recognized as n permanent in
stitution.
We are endeavoring to get the
COURIER into every Clarke county
home, and our efforts are meeting
with u great deal of success.
1t will cost just ONE DOLLAR
to have the COURIER mailed to your
address for whole year. You will
then get all of the county news.
Send for free sample copy.
Clarke courier. [volume] (Berryville, Va.) 1869-1997, 1904-09-28

Any one who has watched a dragon
fly fitting about the surfaces Of small.
reedy ponds or near tina chores OF
large ones during the summer and ear
W fall months has noticed its rr7>
long body in the water as il skins
along. The dragon fly thus engaged is
always the female, and every time She
dips her body In the water Shf De
poSits an egg. The specific gravity ot
the egg is such tina. il sinks u the
bottom among The wetNS
Clarke courier. [volume] (Berryville, Va.) 1869-1997, 1904-09-28
4 Legal Antiquity.

Inc Keeling upon the subject of oaths
auohg the earlier colonists OF Mary
Iahd Is shown by the following extract
from petition OF assemblymen,o OF the
province, addressed to the lord pro-
prletary in l649 and signed 10y ali the
members present."
we do further humbly request your
'oruship that hereafter such things as
your iordship may desire OF us may be
uone with as little swearing as con
.e"lehtly may be, experience teaching
70 mat great occasion is given to
common"
Clarke courier. [volume] (Berryville, Va.) 1869-1997, 1904-09-28

Secretary Seward was an Episcopa-
Han, and this story is told: ON one Of
the occasions when President I.inccns
patience was tried by self appointed
adviser. who got warm and used strong
language. Mr.. Lincoln interrupted him
by saying. You are an EpiScopalian.
aren't your And when asked why he
thought so he said. You swear lust
Ike Steward. and he is" That was
Mr.. Lincoln's way OF getting rid OF
such advisers.
Clarke courier. [volume] (Berryville, Va.) 1869-1997, 1904-09-28
Spiders.

Spiders are not insects. as most peO-
pie think. The spider has eight legs.
whereas an insect cannot have more
than six. The nervous system is con
structed on totally different basis.
and SO are the circulation and respira.
ton. The eyes are different the in
sects having many compound eyes and
the spider never having more than
eight and all Of them simple Then a
spider has no separate head. the head
and the thoraN being fused together.