West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1904-10-06
William Henry Glover's Resigna-
tion Puzzles Him.

tion Puzzles Him.
have often felt the sense of mingled
pleasure and pride when announcing To the
pie'hunters that they had been victorious in
capturing the pic, for knew that their good
fortune brought happiness not only to
themselves, but the entire household. We
must all eoueede the power of pic over the
male portion of the human family, a taste of
which goes straight to the heart and clings
To the memory until we pass beyond the
reach of pie. As for myself am lingering
ON the brink of Despair see nothing In
sight for inc this campaign. filed my
application too late. have an army of
friends, and when say an "army," mean
Il according to the definition as taught in the
public schools todey, who arc expecting the
pie'wegon TO pass their door and ring the
bell to announce to them that they are one
of the lucky ptizewinnen. That many of
them will be disappointed and commit
suicide, Is not for seer oh my atlainments
in pieologv to predict. Profs. Cauioo,
idea shoolist tell me that they teach the
science of pieoogy and It is one of the
favorite studies in the school. Both Profs.
Candy and Carrico have devoured peology
In the various pastry and they tell me that
so far their appetite has suffered no dislas,c
for the pie even in its crude form of apple
dumplings.
Speaking OF apple.dumplings reminds me
of the feast Comrade Bill Jenkins gave us
when he won the poslofiice pie. Comradc
A. c. Scott was toast master and after
destroying twenty-five dumplings he was too
full for utterance. lie made some powerful
grimaces, which we interpreted to mean that
the cider in the apple had intoxicated him.
Ever since the occurrence IL has always been
debatable question at our camp fires and
reunions whether Scott got too many
dnmplingS, or the dumplings got too much
Scott.
The greatest curiosity in the pie world to-
day is Hon. w. IL. Glover. With many he
is real hero. II is familiar saying that
Sew die and none resign" once they get
possession Of the pie. Bro. Glover Is a
living example that man can resign the
pie and still live. But the disease is not
contagious aud there Is no likelihood of
repetition Of Bro. Glover's antics In the
Twentieth Century. It isa mooted question,
and one which is being discussed all over
the county, how Bro. Glover dropped the
pie. am a close and personal friend of
the living and resigned piemau, and have
struggled early and late to bring pie within
his reach in years gone by, but am unable
to give any reason why he should commit
nm objectionable example to the rising
generation Of pie-hunteu. have scores Of
letters urging me 10 get close enough to
him and tickle his auburn side.sprouts
aBd learn, II possible. the cause. The
people are imbued with the idea that 1 am
hypnotist and that one touch on the
auburn sproutelcts will bring forth the
cause. am frank to admit that am
superstitious about the case aud that fear
that he Is dead pieman who has returned
from the spirit-land. am doathy afraid OF
such spirits and fec from them as Bro
Glover has fed from the postoBce. The
only spirits I am on friendly terms with
are the kind Boss FLYNN and Deacon Brown
exhibit during political war dance.
With those become very intimate as long
as reason remains am very much ex
erclsed over the report that Tom Clayton.
Bert Gibson. Geo. a Herring Johnny
Graham and Davy Gibson have combined
together to banish them from Preston
county Ifthey succeed the greatest elixir
Of political lifc will vanish. and with II the
occupation Of an army Of boozologisls dur
ing a political battle. There is nothing
that puts vim la the voters and strs them
TO heroic and daring deeds like boozology
/ am told that the Prohibition martyrs in
tend to substitute butter milk freely
sprinkly with cayenne pepper Tor bOoto-
logy. bot u will prove total failure.
Their sincerity maybe praisewouhy. but
their wisdom Is not Of the Inventive genius.
Their tally sheet on election day will not
require the service Of lightning caicuia
tor 7 say this ln no spirit Of revenge. for
I am assured by the leaders Of the two old
parties that my supply ior this campaign
shall be ample and fiery
am however. somewhat disturbed over
the discovery that Bro WhetscH. Of the
Journal has invited Bro. Lee Shaw. Of the
Leader, TO game Of ping pong This lis
dangerous game and one which it requires
skill and tact 10 play Bro. Shaw is an
expert ping pongist and from f86t TO i8s,
he never lost a game. This was bis strong
point in evading the enemy and allowed ho
and myself aud others Co return home
pension boys, something we have never
regretted. feel that ! should warn Bro
Whetsell Of his danger and caution him Of
the expertncss Of bis antagonist % cost
me nothing and may be tbe means Of saw
Ing Bro. Whetsell several yards OF court
plaster when The ping pongs being % roll
am iu receipt Of several catering in
vitaiions 10 take the stump iu this cam.
paign. They state their bciicfin my powers
as drawing card That maybe 50. bot
| the only experience have bad with
stumps is the Stomp that lives in Maryland
/ The inspiration that { have gotten from
/ ibis stump has been vsrIcgaicd and rein
/ ed. will take the invitation under con.
| sideraiion and g. End that the stamps I'm
/ Preston are OF the Maryland variety there
/ will bc no trouble to come to decision.
Watch The columns Of the newspapers for
l Tor the announcement