The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1904-05-07

E y
ercise? May-Why, yes. 1 have no
maid, and have a waist that buttons
In the back.-Judge.
Equiyocal: She-Do YOU remember
before we were married, dear
He-Why, it's among my happiest rec
elections onkers Statesman.
Mike--Are We much hurried, Pat? Do
We want docthor? Pat-A docthor,
We fule! afther bein' RUINED over be a
throlley car? Plat OF want is q law
yer.-Judge.
Hobson's Choice: Guest lin cheap
restaurant)-Well, waiter, what have
you got? Waiter-Beefsteak and fish
but the fish is all out Which'll you
have?-Chicago News.
Stranger would like to have a
tooth pulled. Dentist-A man who
would like to have tooth pulled must
be a lunatic. Guess you'd better 20
to the nearest asylum.-Boston Tran
script.
$50 they named cigar after your"
"Yes," answered the sporting man in a
dubious tone. "Quite a compliment"
II thought SO till smoked one of the
cigars, then concluded that it was
libel. "-Washington Star.
Like Woman: "If you'll notice."
said Finnick, "the poets invariably say
she when referring to the earth. Why
should the earth be considered femi-
nine?' "Why not. Nobody knows just
how old the earth is."-Philadelphia
Public Ledger.
Wife-I wish we had a nice large
country place, where could give a
lawn party. Husband-Just for the
pleasure Of inviting some of your
friends, eh7 Wife-Well, yes; and the
pleasure of not inviting some-Phila-
delphia Ledger.
Ethel (ecstatically)-Oh, Charlie,
would you just as leave propose all
over again, and do 1t into this phono-
graph? Cholly-Why? why, want
to have something to remember you
by after you have gone in and spoken
to papa about it."-Life.
Followed Directions: Mahoole-Aint
yez tn wan that towld me niver to
dhrink wather widout boilin'? Physi-
cian-Yes, sir. Mahoole-Thin OF how
moind to murther We. OF dhrank
boiled wather avn awlmost burned me
az
II heard to-day that your son was
an undertaken. thought you told me
he was physician" mot at ALL" Il
don't like to contradict, but I'm posi-
tive you did say So" 'You misunder-
stood me. l said he followed the med
ical profession" -Philadelphia Press.
Jack-I hear you are going to marry
Miss Prettyun. Permit me to cOngrat-
ulate you on your excellent taste. Tom
But the engagement is off. I'm not
going to marry her or any one else.
Jack-Tndeed! Then allow me to con-
graduate you on your good sense
Chicago Evening Post.
Just Like Real Lovers: Miss Ro-
manz-Of course, you've read that
new love-story of his? Mr.. Crabbe IRE
viewer)-Yes; had to. Very realistic,
wasn't it? Miss Romanz-Oh, the idea
Why, the dialogue between the lovers
was perfectly silly. Mr.. Crabbe-
Well?-Philadelph Press.
Guest (angrily)-Look here, land
lord, I'm heartily tired of the way you
do business here. Didn't you ever
have a gentleman stop with you be-
fore? Landlord gazing at him search
ingly)-Hum! Are you a gentleman
Guest (more angrilyrOf course
Landlord decidedly - Then 1 never
did.
A Feeling of Security: "I'm so sur
prised to hear your wife likes the
house 80 much-it's SO small" Eyes
but there are lots Of closets in It,
"True. but they're extremely small
too" That's just it. My wife is sat
isfied that not one Of them Is big
enough to hold a burglar. "-Philadel
phia Ledger.
Happy in the Assurance: She was
going away. "Oh, joint! she sobbed
"J-John, are y-you quite sure you'll
m-miss meT Darling" replied hel
big husband, "I'll miss you as much al
do the morning train" Thus assured
she picked up her grip and, with
sweet smile, started for the seashore.-
Chicago News.
Mrs. Subbubs-Henry, Bridget brok'
three of our very best plates to-day MI
Subbubs-Heavens! Could anything
possible be worse! Mrs. subbubs-sh
II isn't as bad as it might be. She i'm
mediately hid the pieces, and if w
can only look pleasant and pretend w
know nothing about it, l think she
stay.-Philadelphia Press.
Good for the Heart: Mrs. Blokey
TT. (who is of a romantic turn)-My
amt the moon lovely, glitterin' on tn
wavesI It does ones heart good t
see it Mr.. B. (Blokey & Son)-Ah! an
b. IN