Lincoln County leader. [volume] (Toledo, Lincoln County, Or.) 1893-1987, 1904-07-22

-OA, mum! L wish the Lord
mad made me a man. Mother-Per-
maps he has, dear; only you haven't
found him yet-New York Times.
Ned-lt took me a long time to
make up my mind if a man who specu-
lated in stocks is a fool. Ted-How
old you finally determine? Ned-I
speculated.-Town Topics.
Sonny" said the good old man,
I'm surprised that you should tease
that cat in that way" why" replied
the bad boy, pausing in his inhuman
work, do you know any better way?'
Philadelphia Press.
Mr.. Slap-What is the secret of Gil
diboy's success Miss Bang-Why, he
knew a girl who spends a thousand a
year on dresses. Mr.. Slap-Ah, l see;
he married her? Miss Bang-Oh, no;
he married her dressmaker.-Comic
Cuts.
Young SWELL left a. letter on my
table when l went out. Where is it?
Valet-l hope you won't mind, sir. 1
thought 1t would do nicely for my
sweetheart; SO | posted it to her. Your
Christian name is the same as minel-
Tit-Bits.
What's the matter, little boy" ask
edy old Mr.. Goodart, what are you
crying for boo, hoo!.' sobbed the
boy. boo, hoo" Come, come! Don't
mind! Don't mind!!' boo, hoo! l
didn't, an that's what l was licked
fur."-Philadelphia Public Ledger.
Young Couple (who expect the visit
of a very misery relative, from whom
they have expectations, are clearing
the Of every sign Of luxury.)
Wife (earnestly)-We must do all we
can to make uncle feel at home. Hus-
band (caustically)-Then we had bet
ter let the fire out.
Mamma, can God hear everything"
Everything, Willie" And is God al
ways happy" always, Willie. Why
do you ask?" well. l should think
it would make him suffer a little to
hear what sister and that fellow of
hers are saying to each other in the
next m."-Smart Set.
Parker-What's wrong? You seem
worried. Streeter-I am. l wrote two
notes-one to my broker asking him
If he took me for a fool, and the other
to Miss Golding asking her if she
would be mine. While l was out some
body telephoned Yes" and l don't
know which Of 'em it was.
Precautionary measure: Mrs. New
ed IA bride of six weeks)-And how
long will you be away, dearest? Mr..
Newed-About ten days. Mrs. Newed
We'll, l think I'll learn to cook while
you are absent. Mr.. Newed-That's a
good idea. And I'll take the dog over
and leave him with one of the neigh
bors.-EX.
Nellie (sympathetically)-You poor
dear! What a narrow escape! And
what started the horse? Gertie (indig-
n~antly)-Well-you know, Will was
Just helping me out Of the trap, and
the stupid horse could not tell the diff
ference between a-good-night-kiss
and a signal to start. And he-start-
ed. Some horses have 50 little
sense"
A girl forced by her parents into a
disagreeable match with an old man,
whom she detested, when the clergy
man came to that part of the service
where the bride is asked If she con-
sents to take the bridegroom for her
husband. said, with great simplicity,
"Oh. dear, no, sir, but you are the first
person who has asked my opinion
about the matter"
The laundress' little daughter had
been allowed to peep into the dining
room, where the table was set for a
dinner party. And, mamma" she said
later, "every plate had two forks by
it. What was that for?" you don't
know the way of your b%etters, child"
replied the laundress; "the extra fork
is in case they drop one on the floor"
Detroit Free Press.
French Maid Ito inquiring friends
Out. madame is ill, but re doctor hat
it something very trifing,
very small. Friend-Oh, l am so re-
lieved. for 1 was real anxious. What
does the doctor say the trouble is
French Maid-Let me recall. 1t was
something very leetle. Oh, oui, l have
It now! Madame has re smallpox
Woman's Home Companion.
It was Mabel's first appearance at
church and she was rather fdgety.
First she wanted n thing, then an
other, Finally she decided she must
have 4 pin, so she asked for one from
her father. He had none. Then she
tried her mother; but her mother. too,
hoa mana longing had haap