Condon globe. (Condon, Gilliam Co., Or.) 189?-1919, 1904-11-17

PA, what do they mean by the
death rater That my son. Is the
speed at which an automobile travels.
Cleveland Leader.
Van Tart-I don't think much OF
leap year. lie whey-what's the mat
teri Van Tart-The girls propose to
you, but expect you to buy the ring.
The button trust Il bankrupt. The
button ls a small article. but It has
destroyed the peace Of many home,
and It is only ripping as It has been
sewed.-Baltimore American.
"John." said stingy old hunk to his
hired man. as he was taking dinner,
do you know how many pancakes
have eaten fourteen" "well," said
John. "yOn count and I'll eat"
But have you any expectations,
young manY ''of course. I have,
Three rich girls want to marry me,
but I am going TO give your girl the
first chance"-Cleveland Plain Dealer
II just wisht wux bigger" said
Mischievous Willie Smart. Indeed =
asked his mother. How much big
gerr' oh, just big enough to do all
the things sit blamed for doin' now. !"
Freda--He claims to be related to
yOu, and says he can prove 1t. Floyd
Related to mel Why. the mans q
fool. Freda-of course; but that may
be q mere Observation-Disclosures
Bits.
Jack-Women have no head for hg-
ures. Tom-How do you make that
out2 Jack--I know a girl whose edu-
cation cost her father ten thousand.
and she can't figure her own age cor.
rectly.
"Jury." said q Western Judge. "you
kin so out and find a verdict II you
can't find one Of your own, get the
one the last jury used" The jury re-
turned a verdict Of suicide In the ninth
degree.
"HalloaF' cried the neighbor. "what
are you building q new chicken house
forr "why." replied Nettles. ''for a
flock Of pink elephants, Of course.
You didn't suppose I'd put chickens in
1t. did your"
Red-And when this happened on
the links, was he addressing the ballf
Green-well, I don't know just what
he was addressing. but 1t was quite
evident from the language that he was
not addressing a Sunday school.
Meeks-Why don't you try DR..
Quackem's elixir Of hfei A friend Of
mine who took bottle Of 1t praises 1t
to the skies. Weeks-Yes. and q friend
Of mine who took three bottles Of the
stun Is now up there somewhere.-Chi-
cago NewA
A precocious youth telegraphed to
his parents on their golden wedding
day: "Is marriage q failuref" The
old couple laid their heads together
over the reply-paid form, and present
ly made answer: 'No; but Its results
sometimes are"
II never knew till now why this
was such q windy country" said the
bright little girl travelling through ILL.,
nois. "And have you discovered whyT
asked her father. "Of course. See all
the windmills on these farms we're
passing. Philadelphia Ledger.
"Darringer, have you a half-sov-
ereign you don't wantT' "Why, Ger
tainly. Here it is" The next day
81 say, Darringer, that half-sovereign
you gave me was a bad one" "Yes,
Bromley. You asked me II had q
half-soyereign that / didn't want"
why do the roses fade slowly
awayT she inquired POLITICALLY.
Well" replied the baldheaded young
man, "when you think 1t over it's all
for the best. It's more comfortable to
have them fade slowly away than to
go OF all Of sudden, like a torpedo"
That's my last canvas" said
D'Auber; 81 started that six months
ago. You see, some days paint
away feverishly. forcefully, absorbed
ly, while on other days l can't paint at
ALL" IL see," said Crittick; you
painted this on one Of the other days"
Philadelphia Press.
"If Crabbe ever comes around your
place borrowing anything" said Sub
bulbs, "don't let him have it." You've
spoken too late" replied Newcomer;
'he was around this morning" you're
easy. What was he borrowings
Trouble. He's in the hospital now."
Philadelphia Ledger.
AS my wife at the window one beau
tiful day stood watching a man with
monkey a cart came along with a
broth Of a boy, who was driving a
stout little donkey. To my wife then
1 spoke by way of q jOke-"There's a
relation of yours in that carriage" To
which she replied, when the donkey
she spied-"Ah, yes! a relation BY
marriage"
The minister sought to improve the
time by giving Bobby a lesson In
morality. my boy" he said, 81 have
lived forty-f1ve years. and have never
used tobacco In any form, nor told a
lie, nor swore, nor played hockey,
nor" "Have you got any little
boysT interrupted Bobby. "No, /
never had any little boys" "Well,
they are mighty lucky" said Bobby.
"If you please, sir?" well, jim
myT "Me grandmother, sir"
"Aha, your grandmother! Go on, jim
N.Y." "Me grandmother and me moth
er-" what, and your mother, too!
Both very Ill, ehT "No, sir. Me
grandmother an me mother are goin'
to the baseball game this afternoon an
they want me to stay home an take
care Of me little brudder. Cleveland
Plain Dealer.