The Montgomery advertiser., 1904-11-27

"An' that's what can't understand, Hinnissy. How is 1t, dye suppose, that If Port Arthur is so bad off. they can have a daily paper? Tn man that runs 1t must be a gr-reat journalist. wud- dent like to give up me paper. It's all have in life? But if I was as thin as an empty hen-coop an had just de- voured me las collar an if I knew that I wudden't make aven a dacint muss if a Jap'nese shell hit me but wud look like a pile iv loose lathes an shavin's sthruck be a cyclone. dye l suppose in thim circumstances wud be polite to a man who come ar-round an offered me an onyx clock an a hatKul | iv thradin' stamps to subscribe to his pa-aper? An think iv tn iditor. What ! jobl He has aten a pair uv rubber boots an washed 1t down with pint iv ! ink, an he has to go out an collict tn news on his hands an knees. Thin he has to write it up: Society jottings: | Ourselves an wife attinded a mos jov- val gathering at Gin'ral Punspinkki's palatchal quarthers in Bomproof A las night. Tn jayniaI gin'ral had provid- ed a bountiful repast-7a beautifully cooked war map which he had procured at great expinse. The Jap'nese ad- vanced positions fell to our lot an we put 1t away with gr-reat gusto al- though If annything there was too much red ink on it. Our host was at his best an tn mornin was far ad- yanced befure we reeled home. 1vry- | body agrees an injyable time was had There Is no war news as tn London pa- pere ar-re onavoidably late an our cor ryspondint is at tn front. The nex' | time we sind a corryspondint out with Rooshan army we'll sind him to tn rear where he can get some news | "An' while he's gettin' tn pa-aper
 ready a Jap shell Is Hole to come | through tn roof iv his office an pi
 both him an tn form so bad that nay | ther wan iv thim can be set up again. No, sir, if I ain't far out iv tn way. i Port Arthur aint sufferin' nearly as
 bad as I am about 1t. It wud probbly
 be tn place to spind tn winther if ye
 didn't mind Iiyin' in a fallen city-a 1 quiet life, conjaynial people, comfort | able an safe homes, little wurruk an
 some fightin'. It's always tn same
 way. I've wept me last weep over tn | sufferin iv tn besieged. l shed nanny
 tears on account iv tn poor Spanyards | in Sandago but whin tn American sO- jers got into tn town they were al-
 most suffycated be tn smell iv garlic
 cookih' with omelettes. I raymimber
 how pained l was over tn disperate 1 plight iv tn sojers an diplomats at l Peking. rushed an army over there. | They kilt Chinymen be tn thousands | an in tn face iv incredible misstate-
 ments fought their way to tn dures iv
 tn palace where their starvin' broth
 CTS were imprisoned. What did they 1 find? They found tn diplomats in
 their shirt sleeves fllin' packin' cases
 with tn underwear iv tn Chinese im- | pror an tn spoons iv tn Chinese im- | press. Tn air was filled with cries ivy | 'Hinnery won't ye set on this thrunk? |? | I can't get tn lid down since ye put in 1 that hateful idol Tn English am- I bassadure was thryin' on a goold bro- caded vest four thousand years old tn
 Frinch ambassadure was cratin' up tn 1 impror's libry an tn German embassy
 an gallant officers iv tn Kaiser were
 in tn observatory pryln' off tn brass fittings iv tn tillyscopes.
 50 I'll save me tears about Port Ar
 thur till all tn rayturns are in. I'd like to get hold iv copy iv tn Port Arthur Melojeen. I wOndher where I cud subscribe to 1t. I'd bet ye'd find it cheerful. Yisterdah was univintful
 Tn Japs threw a few shells befure
 breakfast an thin retired. This thing
 has got to stop. Fridah we had a dog lamed an If this occurs again we will appeal to tn authorities. Tn Eschem- jensky band give concert on tn pub lie square an nanny iv tn townspeo- pie turned out to hear it. John Smith
 inski was up befure Judge Hoganenski on tn familyar charge. He was sent
 enced to twinty knouts or fifty days.
 Main Sthreet is torn up again. How
 long will this condition last befure tn
 people iv our fair city rise in their
 might against tn corruptionists at tn City Hall? Closin' quotations on tn
 Port Arthur board iv trade. Caviar
 sixteen asked, fourteen bid; candles
 quiet an unchanged. with fair de-
 mand fir light upland taIlow.
 ! Answers to correspondints: May SKI; Take half a pound iv tar, a quart
 iv cookin' sherry. two pints tv vinegar
 an a pound iv potash an' apply to tn
 face with paint brush befure retir- in.
 "'Arthurski LumIeyvitch: No Ar thur, it is not considered in good form
 whin walkin' with a lady to run whJn
 a bomb dhrops In ye'er neighborhood,
 Seize ye'er fair companyon be th' eI-
 bows an place her in front iv ye. m,
 rule iv all p'lite circles is: Ladies
 first"
 "rimothyvich K: Jenreys In th'
 sicond round.
 ! 'An4ioua: We dAnt know.