The San Francisco call., 1904-07-03
%
JEROME
K.
cJERON1E

proved 20 be that he was right The
Dutch boy, when he runs. puts them
for preference on his hands and uses
them 10 hit other Dutch boys over the
head as he passes The roads in Hol-
land. straight and level and shaded
all the way with trees. look from the
railway carriage window as II they
would be good for cycling, but this is
delusi0n- 1 crossed in the boat from
HaWwtch once with a well known
black and white artist and an equally
well known and highly respected hu-
morist They had their bicycles with
them. intending to tour Holland.
met them a fortnight later in Delft,
or. rather. I met their remains.
was horrided at first; I thought II was
drink. They could not stand still,
they could not sit still. they trembled
and shook in every limb. their teeth
chartered when they tried to talk. The
humorist hadn't joke in him. The
artist could not have drawn his own
salary. He would have dropped IL
on the way to his pocket. The Dutch
roads are paved their entire length
with cobbles-big. round cobbles. over
which your bicycle leaps and springs
and plunges- If you see Holland out
side the big towns a smattering OF
Dutch Is necessary. If you know Ger
man there Is not much difficulty.
Dutch speak as an amateur-ap-
pears TO be very bad German, mispro-
nounced. Myself / find my German
goes well In Holland. even better than
In Germany. The Anglo-Saxon should
not attempt the Dutch c. 1t is hope
less to think OF succeeding and the at
tempt has been known 10 produce in
ternal rupture. The Dutchman ap-
pears to keep his G in his stomach
and to haul It up when wanted Ny
sef' l md the ordinary G preceded
by hiccoush and followed by a sob
the nearest I can get 20 it.
But they tell me IL is not quite right
yet. One needs TO save up beforehand
II one desires to spend any length OF
time In Holland. One talks Of dear old
England, but the dearest land IN all the
world is little Holland. The fiorfn there
is equal to the franc in France and to
the shilling in England. They tell you
that cigars are cheap IN Holland. A
cheap Dutch cigar Will last you a day.
1t is not until you have forgotten the
taste Of it that you feel you ever want
to smoke again I knew a man who
reckoned he had saved hundreds OF
pounds by smoking Dutch cigars for q
month steadily. 1t was years before he
smoked again.
Watching building operations IN Hol-
land brings home TO you forcibly what
previously you have regarded as q
meaningless formula. namely, that the
country Is built upon piles A dozen
feet below the level OF the street one
sees the laborers working IN fisher
mems boots. I'D to their knees IN water.
driving the great wooden blocks into
the mud. Many OF the older houses
slope forward at such an angle that
you almost fear to pass beneath them.
1 should be as nervous as kitten liv-
ing in one Of the upper stories. But the
Dutchman leans out OF window that
Is hanging above the street six feet be-
yond the perpendicular and smokes
contentedly.
They have a merry custom IN Holland
Of keeping the railway time twenty
minutes ahead Of the town time-or Is
II twenty minutes behind? can never
remember when I'm there and am
not sure now. The Dutchman himself
never knows You've plenty OF time"
he says. the station IS a mile away.
and IL is now half-past nine" Yes, but
that means ten-twenty," he answers.
you have nearly an hour" Five min
utes later he taps you on the shOul-
der. My mistake; it's twenty to ten.
I was thinking the other way about it-'
Another argues with him that his first
idea was right. They work II out by
scientific methods. Meanwhile you
have dived into q cab. The result Is
always the same; you are either forty
minutes too soon OF you have missed
the train by twenty minutes A Dutch
platform Is always crowded with wom-
en- explaining volubly to their husbands
either that there was not any need
to have hurried, or else that the thing
would have been 10 have started half
an hour before they did. the man in
both cases being, OF course, to blame.
The men walk up and down and swear.
The idea has been suggested that the
railway time and the town time should
be made to conform. The argument
90 Ia
ried out then there would be nothing
left to put the Dutchman out and worry
him.