Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1904-04-07

i Il hired ten chorus girls in five min.
utes this morning" remarked Julian
Mitchell. who wanted to show how
busy he had been. "Geewillikins! /"
exclaimed Jack Flaherty, manager OF
the Majestic theater you are quick
at figures"
| In Syracuse, the other day, Adelina
Patti told reporter how she had re-
| Gently been teaching music TO llt,le
| American girl This little girl" she
| said, lis a delight. Her questions and
answers are as entertaining as com
edy. The other day, was explaining
| to her teh meaning of the signs I and
fl. F. | said, means forte. Now II
means forte, what does IT mean?'
'Eighyt,' said the little girl"
Herbert Spencer. in the attitude OF
experimenting his household affairs,
was practical and amusing. At one
time the poultere: had not been CIV
ing satisfaction, so Mr.. Spencer caned
his housekeeper and gave her direc-
lions to transfer his custom to another
tradesman, whose shop faced the de-
linquent's, "And, Miss Smith," said
the author of Synthetic Philosophy"
"be particular that the first poulterer
sees you giving your order to the Sec
ond poulterer!
An interesting addition arrived at
the ZOO of C.. c. Bartlett in Iowa Falls
few days ago, the arrival being a
baby monkey that came to gladden.
lue monkey cage in the winter quar-
tiers of the park at the boat landing.
Mr.. Bartlett is naturally proud of this
distinction conferred on his collec-
tion of animals and the baby, if it
survives the changeable weather this
spring, promises to be the star at
traction at the zoo the coming sum.
mer.
Cyrus Townsend Brady, the author,
had occasion to consult his physician
for slight ailment on one of the ex-
tremely cold days recently. He was
engaged in his literary work ON the
doctors arrival. Hurrying' into the re-
ception hall from his library, he said:
Doctor l wish you to get through
with me as speedily as possible. |
lClI IIC hClo dud tLlC ny LILO
side of a little babbling brook, and
I'm afraid they will freeze to death if
l don't get back soon"
President Hadley, of Yale, has won
a wide reputation as a teller of good
stories. One of his favorite tales runs
as follows: A Methodist preacher
was vigorously expounding the text,
There shall be weeping and wailing
and gnashing of teeth" Aye" he
said, there shall be gnashing of teeth!
Yes" he shouted, pounding the pulpit
with his fist, there shall be gnashing
of teeth" But | amt got no teeth"
shrilly piped up an old woman who
had been worked up to a full realiza-
ton of her sins by the preacher.
Then, madam" yelled the minister,
turning in her direction. they will be
provided"
The late John MacMahon, of the
Irish bar, although a Celt, had a pond
erous, heavy style, and no sense of
humor. On account of being deaf he
agreed, out of policy, with any remarks
made by the judge. even though he
did not understand what he said. On
one occasion he was appearing before
master of the rolls, who thought mat
MacMahon was arguing rather ele.
mentary law for such court as his.
You are speaking as if 1 were mere
tyro in the law. Mr.. MaMahon," said
the master of rolls, testify. Quite
so, my lord" said counsel, airily, pro.
ceeding with his argument oblivious
to and regardless of what the judge
had said
An American lady living in Mexico
had cook who could not read. or even
tell the hour by the clock; but she
boiled eggs with perfect accuracy.
When asked one day, "Bu: how do
you know when they are ready,
Chucha?" she answered with smile
which showed all her fine teeth, Sen
or, I boil them by the Credo." She
had been taught, like other Mexican
village girls, to patter off the Apostles
Greed. She did not know quite well
what the words meant, but they just
did nicely to boil eggs with. She put
the eggs in the pot Tin the coffee-pot,
with the coffee, but that is a mere de-
taiD, and began to say her creed. AT
Amen, the eggs were ready.