Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1904-08-11
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49, F1N

He-Sne married SparkleS to reform
him. She-Indeed. He seems happy.
He-He Is. She failed.--Exchange.
"You hold my future happiness" he
told the girl why don't you hold it
yourself!' she asked, coyly.-Chicago
Post.
Are your intentions toward the
widow serious?' "Oh, very. | am 60
Ing, II possible. to get out of marry
Ing her."-Life.
Tailor-Do you want padded Shout
ders. my little man? WilIie-Naw;
pad de pants! OATS where l need
1t most.-Chicago News.
Did Jerrold get anything out of his
rich uncle's estate" We'll. rather
he married the daughter of the attOr-
ney for the estate. "-Ex.
Boston Governess-Yes, children.
the eyes enable us to see. Now. Elmer
son, tell me what the nose is for.
Little Emerson-It's for holding eye
glasses.-Puck
Blobbs-Have you ever had any ex-
perience with train robbers on your
travels? Slobbs--Well, I've stacked
up against a good many Pullman car
Observation-Disclosures Record.
II don't believe bachelors have any
hearts," she said. why. we're just
the men who do have them,' he re-
piled. why is that?' she asked.
Because we haven't lost them"
Willie-Pa. can't | have some
Pa-See here. You've got a plateful
of food before you. Willie-Yes. sir;
but Pa-Well. keep your mouth
shut and eat it.-Philadelphia Public
Ledger.
A new order: you don't mean to
say you girls have started a secret So
cietyT' Yes, it's a society whose
members pledge themselves to tell all
the secrets they know."-Philadelph
Ledger.
Cannibal King-That missionary
made an awful fuss. didn't he! Head
Chief-Terrible, sir His struggles
were frightful. Cannibal king-Well,
serve him as a piece de resistance
Town Topics.
She-But If you say you can't bear
the girl. why ever did you propose 7
He-Well her people have always
been awfully good to me, and it's the
only way l could return their hospi-
ia lity.-Punch.
How l envy that boy said Smith.
YES" acquiesced his friend; I'VE all
envy a sturdy youngster like that for
bis youth" "Oh, that's not it!
He's the butchers boy, and you should
hear the way he talks to my wife"
Come, now said mamma, who
had taken the children for a walk
through the Zoo. lets go home and
see papa" ooh. mo-" protested Elsie,
lets see these other monkeys first"
philadelphia Press.
OF the New York kind: Would
you mind keeping that hat on?' Keep
1t on! Why. was just about to take
1t or" II: know it. But | don't
want to see any more Of this play
than | can help."-Lfe.
Gothamite-I hear you have Vas
sar graduate for a cook. Isn't it rath-
err expensive? Harlemite-Not very.
She works for her board and clothes.
Gothamite-Why. how does she come
to do that? Harlemite-She's my wife.
Harlem Life.
Chronic Shopper-How much are
your Baldwin apples? Fruit Vender
Fifteen cents a quarter-peck ChrOn-
&c Shopper-Can't you sell me q quar-
ter-peck for II cents? Fruit Vender-
Yes, but not SO big quarter-peck.-
Baltimore American.
TOwne-Hear what Sniffklns did
when the collection plate came round
to him in church last Sunday? Browne
No. Dropped button in. | sup
pose. Towne-NOt even that. He
leaned over and whispered: II paid
the pastors fare in the car yesterday
morning. Wen call it sQuare.-PhiI.
adelphia Press.