Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1904-03-05
HAVEN'T THE PRICE

Booze CRATER II q slangfui sort Of
phrase. but singularly expressive one. A
slangish bartender Of washington. who n
engaged in collecting data for q rnagnum
opus. to be entitled Booze Grafters
Have Met" was talking Of the species the
other day.
you'd be surprised" he said. "to know
how many professional booze grafters there
are who make out that they're travelling
representatives Of whisky firms. This kind
of booze CRATER drifts In carrying a satchel
in which there's bottle that you're cup
posed to believe is a sample of the whisky
manufactured by his firm and he's dead
confident in his way of addressing the bar
keep.
Say he says to you. I hear that
you're using some Of that new blend of
So-and-SO's How does 1t assay, hey? /
haven't tried any Of the goods, but I'll
go you anything you name that it isn't
one-two-six with the new blend my firm
marketing now. Pass 1t over and I'll take
a smell of it,
1.-The barkeep hands over the bottle of the
goods called for by the fake whisky drum
mer and the booze CRATER pours out a
stiff drink Of it. smells of 1t with his head
on one side, sips 1t, smacks 1t critically,
rolls some of 1t around on his tongue, and
winds up by gulping the rest of it down.
'Um, he says fairish, but. as / said, it
won't do with ours
Then he makes the bluff of taking his
phony bottle out of the satchel, but happens
to suddenly think of an appointment down
the walk. and digs out with the crack that
he'll be back and show the goods in a min
ute.
NOW. this sounds SO raw that you
wouldn't believe so many class A booze
grafters could get away with 1t. especially
when they try 1t on wise barkeeps, but
they do, all right, and a-plenty. at that. /
fnJI forf H. ~<l~~ n
times before finally crawled off to a dark
place to think it over, and there are lot
of barmen up and down the line who are
not next to the game yet.
One OF these counterfeit whisky men, a
stoutish, well-dreSsed chap, tried to get 1t
over the plate with me a couple Of weeks
ago: but when 1t got around to the time for
him to make his little run out for minute
before coming back to show his samples l
lined up In front of the door and told him
several, including one to the effect that he
was going to be just Is cents to the bad In
Side OF eight seconds. or that 1t was going
to stand him at least $4.S5 for arnica and
courtplaster. He tried to look abused but
that was wild pitch with me- and 1 was
just getting ready to Irvine his thorax
around the knuckle of my left hand when
he emerged with the little three-fifths of a
quarter and swung out of the gate like a
commuter busting for a train
Another kind of a booze CRATER who
OFTEN tries 1t on in this neghborhood is
| the boy in a hurry. He comes ploughfng
| In under head of 1913 pounds of steam,
| makes two hops of 1t to the bar and gasps:
Drop Of the same, quick! Got to hus-
| tie to the train to meet my wife or some
cheap rig like that. Then when you hand
up the jar and he pours out his swig, he
losses 1t of like the adventures in a one
dime melodrama swallowing poison when
she says It's all Off. and then he flashes
a $50 note on you and purrs, quick and soft:
Smallest I got~haven't got a second
| to wait for change unless you insists pose
you chalk 1t up until 1 drop In In the
morning?
II never suppose in case like that any
more used to. but that was when there
weren't any cash registers and 1 was In
shape to take chances once in while. The
lynx-eyed booze CRATER who gets away with
hurry stunt on me these days has got
| to be able to reel off eight furlongs in 1.39
| fiat or better, and I haven't seen any of
| that stake class for quite a spell.
Then there's an astonishing number Of
brass-bound booze grafters who'll try to
hand you the -wallet-in- the Other
suit reel II you'll let em. They never make
the discovery that they are shy the price
until they have slowed away the drink,
and then they pass you the chagrined gaze
and skin their pockets as If they were play
| ing Who's got the button?' at church
sociable, and then they tell you how sorry
! they are that they left 1t all at home Quite
few harvest moons have come and gone
since any forgot-his-wad boy has trimmed
me this way. l always put these forgetful
articles on the rack nowadays by telling
them that. forget or no forget, they're in
hook for the price until somebody comes
along with the ticket and gets them out.
and In every case these cheap skates make
another replevin through their raiment and
vino up by finding dollar tucked away
had" s'