The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1904-07-10
STORIES WELL TOLD

service since 'befo' the war to verify
the statement.
Oats a fac. sab. said the old negro.
scratching his head and looking puz-
zled.
How did he do ito asked one of
the gentlemen.
De deer raised his foot to scratch
his head, and jis as he scratched
Massa Grinne1 fired an de bullet pass
thTo' de hOOf and he head
The explanation was satisfactory,
but the old negro said to Mr.. GTinnel,
after the hearers had departed De
next time you gwine 10 tell er yarn
like dat an specs me ter verify it.
don't Yer scatter dem so. fer ] had 'er
hard time TO get dat foot an head of
de deer together sab Washington
Star.
The late Dean Everett of the Harvard
Divinity school missed a train at q
country station and had 10 spend a
long. dreary day in the town hotel"
Finally in desperation ne asked the
proprietor u bring him a checker
board To the aged deans cOnsterna-
ton the man returned with a bottle
of whisky and two glasses
Why. what's this2 I asked for a
checkerbOard. said the dean.
right. vas the reply. We call it by
lots of different names down here"
Senator Quay and a friend were dis
cussing the rather rackety life which
was being led by a young man OF
taeir acquaintance. The senator in
sisted that the boy was all right at
heart, and 7 have no doubt" ne added.
that Tom viii pull up when he reaches
the age of discretion"
Yes" rejoined MI Quay's friend.
but what would YOU call the age Of
discretipn?"
AS a rule" answered the senator. -
should say that n young fellow has
reached the age Of discretion when he
removes from his walls the pictures Of
actresses and substitutes therefor 4
portrait of his wealthy bachelor
uncle. Kansas City Star.
of Carscadden house. a few miles
from GLASGOW. story Is told and gen
orally believed to be true. A former
proprietor. of boundleSS hospitality.
was entertaining a large party Of boon
companions The orgy was prolonged
far into the morning when one of the
company pointing 10 the laird at the
head of the table. said to his neigh
Dor: 'Isna Garscadden looking uHCo
gash2" (ghastly). He may weeI look
cash. was the reply; he has been
with his Maker for the last twa hours"
What, IS Garscsd den deid2" Yes.
he's deid- I saw him dee, but I didna
ike TO speak about it for fear Of spoil
in the guide company"
Why do the Knockers call it the
"wOolly west? This is a question
that must 20 unanswered. for no an
swer is To be found I'm any mind. A
W0Oily man Is not unknown i'm any of
the haunts Of men and some professors
ihave met him I'm the class room as
serts Henry LOOMS Nelson in Har-
per'S Magazine.
Explain the pessimiSm Of ecclesias-
ties" said the professor Of a not-far-
distant university.
Il do not understand the question.
answered the football giant
What is the difficulty
-T don't know what the question
means
You know what Ecclesiastes
means2"
-Oh. yes-~ said the captain of eiev-
ems. 1t is book in the Bible"
Then it must be pessimiSm that
troubles you" suggested the amazed
Che was ycung) professor.
That's it: that's it," dubbed the
cataoult
ny, YOU must know that. you can
not be ignorant Of that You know the
words pessimism and optimism. do you
not- Pessimism and optimism Op-
ulsm and pessimism: you certainly
know what they mean2''
"Oh. yes" replied he % the we'll
greaved shins: Il know what they
mean, but I can't tell them apart
Speaking Of consistency said Pro
feSs0r Royce there once was q Hindu
sage who said that everything was
illusion. 50 one day when he was in
the middle Of a field his friends let "A
bad elephant loose. The sage ran at
the ton Of his speed and climbed
tree When the elephant had been Sc
cured the wise mans friends gathered
under the tree and said.
We thought you said everything
was illusion?
! did. said the frightened but still
true philosopher.
All but you ran fast enough when
the real elephant pursued you.'
You are mistaken again. said the
age. There was no elephant and I
did not run It was an illusion
The Rhode Island farm hand" said
Reginald Vanderbilt. is an indepen-
dent young man of keen wit. There IS
a lack Of servility about him that 1
like
He disapproves OF innovations. It
is unwise 10 fash anything novel upon
him. A friend of mine, Tor instance,
while on d visit to my farm went rid