davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1904-01-28
Proof at Hand.

Proof at Hand.
Mister" said the seedy hobo, adj
dressing prosperous-looking citizen,
would you kindly favor worthy but
unfortunate fellow-man with a few
pennies:'
What is your occupation?" asked
the other, as he put his hand in his
pocket.
Sir replied the victim Of hard luck.
as he held up tattered coat-sleeve
and smiled grimly, 1--WE been collecting
rents for some time past
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1904-01-28
Fully Described.

Ascum-My wife telephoned To me
to go to Woodley's and get a taharet.
Lemme see, a tabaret's one of those
wide low things like table only
Oulate-Ies: it's a low thing with
corners all over it that stands about
shin high in the dark-Philadelphia
Press.
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1904-01-28
"Weigh Of the Transgressor."


Il can especially recommend this
talor-made gown for service" said the
genial manager Of the ready-t wear
department.
sir" answered the young lady Gus
toner, with look that was calculated
to freeze the mercury in thermome-
ter, I'm not going ont to service"
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1904-01-28
Cold Con, fort.

Mr.. Slimpurse feeling his way
Your charming daughter tells me that
she is an excellent cook and house
keeper.
Old Lady (calmly)-Yes, l have had
her carefully taught, for have always
held that no lady who does not under
stand housekeeping can properly direct
q retinue Of servantA
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1904-01-28
EI@|yS'|eall|E[k|Il1fta


plant of them The latter application
Is best made after the plants have
been recently sprnkled or syringed,
as the tobacco dust adheres better
when the foliage of the plant is moist.
Cor. American Cultivator.
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1904-01-28
The Old, Old Story.

Have you ever sent any OF your
poems to the magazines:' asked the
sentimental maid.
YES" answered the long-halred
verse carpenter, but merely as guar
anty Of good faith and not necessarily
for publication"
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1904-01-28

I'VE can excel you in everything.
boosted the American.
Il don't think you can. responded
the Englishman.
How about our get-rich- quick con-
Germs? Have you any to equal them:'
Sure. How about our noblemen
that marry American girls:"
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1904-01-28
Another Oarder PerhaDs.

so said the guest at the wedding
of Richmans daughter, "your house
loses a daughter to-day"
II don't know yet" replied the old
man, whether the house loses
daughter or merely gains son-in-law."
Philadelphia Press.
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1904-01-28

who can tell what meter is:'
asked the teacher of the juvenile class.
Il can" promptly replied the urchn
at the pedal extremity. ITS thing
what you chop meat with"
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1904-01-28
Strange Fancy.

Patient-After taking that medicine
had some very mysterious dreams.
Doctor-Well. | told you 1t would
cause you to dream Of the impossible.
Patient guess you are right. doc
tor. dreamed l was settling your
bill
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1904-01-28

the late Edward
Parker Deacon,
who in 1899 shot
and killed Edward
Abeille at Cannes,
France. Miss Dea-
con has lived
abroad with her
mother for many
years. Last year
she was reported
engaged to the
DukQ Of NorfO1,
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1904-01-28
Hard to Please.

the friend of the political boss. "of
putting money into politics"
Huh" snorted the boss. There's
no pleasin' 'em at all. Before | made
my pile they accused me of takin
money out o politics. "-Philadelph
Press.
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1904-01-28

Priscilla-lieutenant Higgins seems
to be rather attentive to Miss Elder
leigh of late.
Melicent-Yes: and she is evidently
skirmishing around trying to precip-
itate an engagement.
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1904-01-28
One Mans Wisd O m.

Smith-Gotrox was worth over
million when he died, but he didn't
leave a will.
Jones-I wonder why?
Smith-Oh. l guess he wanted his
heirs to get the benefit Of his wealth
instead Of the lawyers.
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1904-01-28
Wives Wanted in the West,

A traveller in Arizona reports that
the young men of the west are bach.
elors not from choice, but from neces-
sity. OF the dearth of women in that
section. he says:
"ThouSands of cattle are standing
knee-deep in alfalfa. the land is rich,
and the young men are thrifty and
prosperous. But they can't get wives.
There are not women enough to go
around. Arizona wants several car
loads of women just as soon as she
can get them
Census statistics support this view
OF the case, not only as to Arizona,
but AS to number of other western
States and Territories. Here are a
few significant figures showing that
not every Jack has his Jill:
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1904-01-28
Envy.

Gritty George~Yes. little boy. am
always taking my meals among stran-
gers.
Ostend-Oh, how lucky You are.
Why, you can take two pieces of pie.
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1904-01-28
How to Please All.

Agitator-What this country needs Is
compulsory arbitration.
Teacher-And compulsory education.
Preacher-And compulsory religion.
Old Maid-Yes, and compulsory
love.
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1904-01-28

Many man Is forced to play the
game of life who doesn't hold a single
trump.
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1904-01-28
Funny Creature.

"Oh, mammal exclaimed small
Bobby after seeing a dachshund for the
first time. 81 saw such funny dog
this morning. He was two dogs long
and only half dog high. Chicago
News
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1904-01-28
Ravages Of Time.

Remember, my boy" said the good
old deacon, that even the hairs OF our
heads are numbered"
well, uncle" rejoned the irrever-
ent nephew, "in your case the count
doesn't take up much Of the enumer-
ating angels time"
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1904-01-28
Noted American Beauty.

Herewith Is reproduced the latest
portrait of the noted American beau
ty, Miss Gladys Deacon, daughter of
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1904-01-28
One Way to be Attractive,

The housekeeper has many things
on her mind, but she should not neg
lect giving at least ten minutes out of
personal attractveness. Every boy
and girl thinks "mamma" is beautiful,
and why should she not be universally
admired, even though not beautiful by
nature. if her appearance shows she
has taken care Of her complexion? Ev
cry night. just before you retire, try
washing your face with good soap,
rinsing and drying well, then rubbing
with q solution made of two parts Of
rOsewater, one part of glycerine and
the juice of two lemons. Have enough
altogether to make one pint. Put just
enough on to make the face moist. and
rub until the skin is rosy red. If there
are any wrinkles around your eyes or
mouth. be careful that you do not rub
parallel with them, but straight
through. crossing them. The effect will
surprise you. The freckles, tan and
wrinkles will gradually grow dim,
leaving soft pink-white, smooth
skin-Woman's Home Companion.
A New Little Fashion in Neckwear.
In collars, stocks and fancy neck
wear in general. it is truly the little
new touch that tells. 1t Is oftentimes
merely the way ribbon is tied at the
neck that gives a smart style to
woman's dress.
A new little fashion which is already
success is the stock which has it's
ribbon-ends tied in n combination four
in hand knot and a bow. 1t is original
and ever so pretty. The ribbon must
be long One-about two yards are
necessary. 1t Is brought around the
neck and tied in front in fourth hand
knot. Then the two ends below the
knot are tied in graceful bow with
quite long loops. If the ribbon is plain,
the ends may be trimmed trifie. They
may be sprinkled with French knots.
or scattered with tiny gold buttons, or
hand-embroldered in some pretty little
flower or some odd design; but the new
est ribbons are SO lovely in themselves
this year that they require no trim
ming to add to their beauty.-WOman's
Home Companion.
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1904-01-28

On the other hand, look at the re.
verse of the picture In certain States
of the effete east:
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1904-05-22
Appropriate.

What are you do
ing?' asked the hus-
band. watching his
wife shipping into
some goods with her
scissors.
Cutting out my
spring suit
He laughs merrtly
At he.
"Good Joke on
you no saya 'You
have mistaken q map
OF the war in Man
churia for the pat
tern"
1T will not make
80 much difference
she smiles, putting
some more pins in
-Art1 .svs g. en-
have q Russian
Effect
Judge.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1904-05-22
Always Wise.

IAndlady: y an
afraid Mr.. Slopay
has forgotten what q
large bill he owes
me-"
Star Boarder: NO
no hasn't. He said
only yesterday that
he wished he had
money enough to
move.''|udge.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1904-05-22
Exchanging CiviIities.

The detective who had run down and
captured the bank robber stood in the
corridor of the jail talking to the prisoner.
Well. my safeblower." he said, 81
guess that name fits you. I've got you
safe. anyhow"
That's all right" grovled the prisoner.
you're q safe blower. because I CAM
get at y~ou."-Chicago Tribune.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1904-05-22
Her Little Joke.

Your papa's cane
groaned the lover.
came down on me
with such rapidity
that I thought . cy-
clone had struck me-"
We'll. II was .
hurTy-cane." ven-
tured the sweet girl.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1904-05-22
More In His Line.

The Farmer: Il want you 10 turn my
grinding-stone."
Gritty George: mo. Therein be a pun
actor along soon"
The Farmer: What of that
Gritty George: Why. he Is better able
In do A turn than | am."-ChiCaEo News.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1904-05-22

Shade 81 New Yorker Cwho meets shade
Of theater manager coming down the
golden stairs sadly from St Peters pearly
Gate): Wouldn't they a you. old
chap
Can't get In; spectators Got an the
tickets."-Yaie Record.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1904-05-22

'Of course" remarked the very young
man who knows 1t NIL. "a woman's no
, always means yes"
Perhaps 1t does" replied the man with
| the scanty hair. but I'm right here to
tell you that her yes never means no"
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1904-05-22
The Very Oppo-
site.

Mi.tah %Johnsing:
An is yo' convinced
oh dat gals trufs
an ~constancy?-
Mistah Sniff: Yes
indeed. / went TO a
phizzunyosamist de
othah day. an he
said dat on'y people
VIII hin lips wuz
rea an crooi.''
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1904-05-22
Pair of PIainfi6a.

Sec here" exclaimed the 6 man, I
wish you would muzzle that dog Of yours
at night. His barking keeps my baby
awake"
II was Just going to request you to muz-
&le your baby" r~ejoired the neighbor.
Wis nightly bowling annoys my dog"
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1904-05-22
These the I11u-

These the I1lu-
sionA
Theodore: what
are the illusions OF
c~owtship?'' 1
Thsoph.lus; Your
idea that you can
buy her all she
wants: and her tdsa
that she won't want
anything you can't
buy her."-Puck
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1904-05-22
oueer Procedure.

Citiman: Isn't Delliket residing IN
Swsmphurst now?'
sLbbubs: "oh. no; he has gone to Colo
RADIO In search OF his health"
Gilman: "'Tha sounds funny. II he lost
II in S~wamphurst- why is he looking for
Il In ColoradoT'-PhfIadelphia Press.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1904-05-22
Hold Fast!

CONDUCTOR: A aboard! Please 9et
aboard quickly. miss. The train Is about
TO start"
Young Lady: But 7 wish to KISS my Sir
ter gcOd-by."
Conductor: Get aboard. get aboard IN
attend to that for yOu."-Ysle Record.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1904-05-22
Sentiment and Re-


atty.
Maud: There IL
something so touch
ing about the attrac-
ton OF the name for
the moth
Gladys: "It isn't
half so sorrowfIl as
the attraction for
the moth OF your
best fur'-Pitts-
burg Press
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1904-05-22

: There was one occasion" said the en-
thrsiastic fisherman. when W. turned the
tables"
"Wher was that
when the whale who swallowed Jonah
Rad TO return and tell his i~ncrcdulous as
so-iates how he caught a remarkably big
man, hut let him get away"
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1904-05-22
HIS SerenaA4.

That dog Of mine
Il q poeecai cur.
When he howls at
the moon It sounds
rs n he were making
rhymes"
"Doggerei, ] up
pose
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1904-05-22
Curiosity.

Professor SAT- Mrs Noossy to the
crany old professor OF archaeology. what
do you consider the most curious thing
you ever saw"
Woman. unquestionshiy." he replied
Philadelphia Ledger.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1904-05-22

M. Fox. the merchant" said the co..
lege president. has offered to donate s..
oo for q library building to be known as
FOX Hail."
But $500 won't build Z library" replied
the dsan Of the faculty.
20, no. Mr.. Fox's generous ofYer IL con-
tingent upon our securing donations Of
10000 zach from ten other public-spirited
eit.sena"-Catholio Standard and Times.
UnIseky.
Publisher: your book 10 fns up TO the
seventeenth chapter. After that 1t Is
mere drivel."
Author: '-ar. n u my misfortune, not
my fault Just q I was beginning the
seventeenth chapter. I discovered. quite
accidentally. what / was driving at
Puck.
well" said the tall agent did you
hnd those two people who were suffering
With loss Of sppetttsr'
Tea" responded the short agent
And did you al them any Of the rem
sdyr'
TT Wa no CO. They were on their
NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. News
Unnecessary.
IT don't see much use of teaching this
girls to play the piano now" said Mr.
Cumrox-
What do you mesn-' inquired his wife
ominously.
well, it was all right before our cir.
oumstances changed. but now were Twins
in such a big house that the %neighhor:
can't hear 'em play even II we leave al
the windows open."-washington Star.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1904-05-22
Not q Good StyI

The Property Man: Who's Dc Johnny
wi de leadin' womanr"
The soubrette: Why. that's her latest
husband"
The Property Man: We'll. I don't tink
DAT style will be fashionable very long
Town Topics
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1904-05-22

A Nocturnal Shot
He threw his small clock at . est
He missed her. you can bet;
The clock It stopped at hAlf-past threA
The cat Is going yet.
-Yonkers Statesman.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1904-05-22
A True Friend.

Teacher: Who was the best friend RE-
land ever hadT"
Irish Scholar: 'oi don't rust now ~
member. but he discovered Amer!ky."-
Town Topics.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1904-05-22

10 do a turn than
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1904-04-10
gloomy portico Of the station, I saw. TO my re-
lief the familiar face Of the man sought

gloomy portico Of the station, I saw, TO my
lief. the familiar face Of the man sought
The woman was striking, bold; radiant
devil What contrast to Margaret 1 could
have cursed Eustace to his face
But suavity was the right note. and easily
assumed #
EuStace, OF course frowned i thrust my
attentions upon him.
Thought you'd like some one TO see you OFF,
Very good of YOU" he said mechanically.
Look after your bags and things" 1 muir
INJURED, Selling the lady'S dressing case. My
porter was at hand. handed it to him while
her attention was distracted Put that in the
cloak room and bring me the ticket" L in
structed him. He vanished
Then I took them both in hand There
the usual furry of departure all around us.
invented several new varieties Of oficiousnesS
which delayed them considerably / insisted
on registering the luggage for them. l got them
to study the boOkstan while l mismanaged that
bit of business. after which. having secured the
ticket for the dressing bag from my porter.
1 felt equal to any emergency l TOOK Mar
garet's valise in my hand and faced them
'ThereT' 1 said trumphantly- Il think L
have saved you some troubled!
where's my dressing bag?" she asked.
isn't this it?'' | demanded blankly.
She almost shrieked with dismay.
But Eustace was looking al the initials; MIR
garets initials.
took advantage Of his bewiIderment-
THE contents of my case are priceless. said
my lady her eyes glittering-
THAT ass of 4 porter l cried
Whats to be done?" she asked. looking at
the clock
Hang on to this bag. Eustace. old chap I
said. you've just time. Mistaken eX-
change-these things often happen Some ones
got II among their baggage in the train. depend
on IL. Take this along and see if any one claims
1 could see by the look in his eyes that his
thoughts were strayinS to Margaret.
He took the bag and went off in the direction
Of the barrier.
1 turned to her.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1904-04-10

cured either by conquest or by diplomacy-eune-
times by the two combined-in the way Of open
ing up new markets to re commerce Of the
world. the progress of Colonel Younghusband's
mission to Tibet deserves to be watched with
interest in this country. Exclusion OF the white
races is the natural instinct of all dusky hued
nations. alike in Asia and in Africa China,
Japan Corea numerous Independent states In
Central Asia, as we'll as Arabia, Morocco, Tunis.
Abyssinia and Algeria, were all closed to for
eigners in the early part of the nineteenth CEN
fury. and whereas to-day a can travel from
end OF Africa to the other without firing
a shot in self-defence. il was impossible hun
dred years ago to venture into the interior of
the Dark Continent without counting certain
death at the hands of the natives. who were
firmly resolved TO keep the stranger from setting
foot their territory. Little by little the bar
riers thus raised against the white races have
been removed. and one by every country.
save Tibet has abandoned it's policy Of isolation.
Indeed. since the Emperor OF Corea, some eigh
teen years ago. opened his ports to foreign COM
merce and sanctioned intercourse between his
people and the outer world, the Dali Lama has
been to all intents and purposes the only ruler
in the universe who has kept the doors OF his
kingdom closed 1t would. therefore. be a subject
for congratulation il the commencement OF the
twentieth century were signallzed by the remov-
al of the barriers OF the last remaining nation
that has preserved it's soil "undefled" by the
presence Of foreign devils.' and were to witness
the opening to Western civilization OF the For
hidden Land" EX-ATTACHE
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1904-04-10
THEY ESCAPED THE RICE.
Ho7c Bridal Couple Slipped from
Parents Home.

A wedding last week in Harlem went fr
toward establishing the truth Of the complaint
so often heard from lonely New-Yorkers ina
one lives for years without knowing the nelsn-
Dor from whom he is separated only oy tn'
walls OF u fiat The incidents following 'ni'
wedding ceremony illustrated most conyinclhsS
the indifference which the average New-f0rAel
manifests toward those living around him, anu
his absence of curiosity as to their goings anu
cOmings. as well as the isolation OF each sep
arate family in an apartment house where ten-
ants are constantly moving in and moving on.
The bride and bridegroom had host u
friends. and were noted among their acqulllh'-
ances for their delight In playing tricks q
newly married couples. So when their Weddins
day was announced those who had been tls
victims Of these pranks revealed to the engage
couple their intention TO make the departure Oh
the honeymoon one that would be lOns renein-
bered- They laid in stocks Of bells. old shoes
and rags. and bought rice BY the busheL anu
when the wedding day arrived were amply pre-
pared to make the entire neighbOrhoOd SUI
rounding the brides home IN an apartment
house aware that the ceremony had been PEI
formed The bride and bridegroom said hO'4
ing. They smiled when details Of what WOu'-
be done to them were rehearsed. but gave ~
sign OF apprehension
Their trunks disappeared mysterOusly, mu0H
to the discontinue OF the jOkers. who had ",
tended to label them conspicuOusly. SO that a.
men should know they were honeymoon uuhNH
Yet those trunks did not leave the aparlIhen'
house.
The day for the ceremony arrived. the ee's
mony was performed in the brides home anu
she and her husband received the CongratuLb
tiOns OF the numerous guests. With supplies .
- - nit .
pectantly and with anticipatOry chuckles tns
time when the couple should leave the parents
roof
The bride excused herself for 4 moment sag
ing she would be right back After ht"0
while the bridegroom. too. asked pardon lO'
being obliged to absent himself for short tiii~
The jokers smiled Trying to sneak out unoS
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1904-04-10

IT can never be replacedr- she cried wiring.
Ing her hands.
swhat If I undertake to replace IT.
oh she cried, "impossbleI What shah
dor
"The Lost Property Officer I suggested
"This place swarms with thieves"
'ShalI wire to Scotland Yard2"
We from bureau to bureau Time was
slipping away 1 felt happier. She gained the
ear Of the station master at last and began to
harangue him I said 1 would go and look for
EuStace and return
/ found him.
He had reached the reserved carriage IN due
course. He had clamOred for it TO be opened
1t now wanted minute to the hour
Margaret chung to him and would not let
him go
.Eustace. come with me, Come with mel
You cannot have the heart
l peeped in. hearing her pleading voice. How
could he resist her? i resolved TO strengthen
her appeal. though il chOked me 10 hear her
AS the guard passed l signalled to him to turn
the key once more.
In another minute the train steamed out Of
the station. and breathed freely They were
m-equipped for their journey. but luckily. as
/ reflected. the EIOping Angel has set Up big
esta blishment in Paris
discovered the flaming lady without diff
Your bag is found 1 told her. ioyfuIly.
There has been a little mistake l have
thwarted a deliberate theft"
I handed her little green case which con-
tanned three items
IL is no business Of mine. Of course. but
have reason to believe that a few days later
she used those two tickets 70 Paris. in spite OF
the Amusement with which she turned them
over as I bowed and left her.
Since their return from that second and
sweeter honeymoon how often have Eustace
and Margaret thanked me! Especially Mar
g2ret-
ply The things that might have happened
Il must not hear about them. Cousin Arthur
No. not even in confidence.'-(The Sketch