West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1904-05-26

| thA uOk tue eject
After relating how had been ex
perimenting on the DIR. Tame
method of satisfying the inner mar
since the jollifying ceased and IN,
roaring begun, it was announce
that we should all gather around IN,
festive board. This was joyfu
news to me.
Toastmaster McDaniels took hi
seat at the head of the table anC
called upon Squire d. Y. Morris tc
say grace, or gravy. The latte
word lost its force before it reached
me and ] did not catch the full
afilatus.
Squire Morris evidently did, fol
he responded as follows:
eve have clustered around thu.
Wand groaning table, which remind.
us of the many gioans which VIC
have groaned since the returns came
inl We are not yet entirely free
from groans ourselves, and il there
is anything that we can do to light
en- your burden. you have only to
command u.s. We have met here
TO drown our sorrow and gorge our
gorger. DO not fear that we shall
founder for we are proof against
pie-foundering. Please pass the
pie~
While Squire Morris was deliver
ing this prayer each one bowed his
head in sorrow. / noticed a slight
movement Of the lips which indi-
Gated they were following copy. 1t
was not until he said, "please pass
the piel" that the heads went up.
Toastmaster McDaniels arose,
and holding a glass filed with the
sparkling fluid said:
"You have met here today for
one week OF consolation and medi-
tation. 1t will do you good, You
are hungry, gaunt an d thirsty.
Your friends have generously pro-
vIded you with the necessaries Of
life which have been denied you for
some time. You must eat, drink
and endeavor TO be merry, for the
next time you may catch the pie.
nov call upon Senator Flynn to
respond TO the toast, In the shadow
OF death Let all drink hearty.
Senator Flynn responded thusly:
"My fellow mourners:-
awe have assembled here to da,
on the banks Of Cheat river 10 drown
our sorrows in the turbulent waters
below us. AS its name indicates il
is cheat as the Indians found be
fore we discovered it. SO have we
all been cheated out of the pies
which we were told were ours for
the asking. The subject which our
Toastmaster has assigned nc Is one
which l am thoroughly familiar with.
Twice have l been in the shadow OF
DEATH The hrst time was bucked
and gagged by the County Clerk
ship and left for deadl After years
of suffering recovered and my
limp had entirely disappeared. /
congratulated myself that was able
to run once more. A Senatorial
pie loomed up in the distance and
was told that II was seeking an in
PRODUCTION to me. made an ap-
pointment to meet it at Parsons and
accompany j, home. 1t flirted with
me and made goo goo-eyes, but
when / reached out to tickle her
under the chin she eloped with an
other man. / cannot reconcile my
self to the thought that the political
grave is not yawning for me.
Console me, brethren, console me p
Every effort was made TO console
the Senator and impress upon him
that he was at least in the hands OF
his friends now.
Toas tmaster McDaniels an
nounced the next toast was "The
Artist in Politics" and called upon
! Judge Foriney to respond.
Judge Fortney said
"My Fellow Weepers;-
This IS a subject ! can scarcely
handle without weeping. II carrie
me back to the days when fame and
fortune was mine for the asking.
was then . budding genus with The
brush and palette. was roaming
at large on the prairie in the earl,
seventies, sketching the jack rabbits
the prairie dogs, the budalos anC
other wild animals was a con
temporary Of the Buffalo Bills, to,
Wild Bills and the Buokskin Jacks
I Grafters died a sudden but pain
less death We we're ON the square
and a sure shot The man who be
trayed as is doing time ia the celest
ial realms or playing Jack stone