The news & observer. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 1894-current, 1904-09-11


OF course there can be no question
as to the moderate drinkers belonging
to that class. He has not yet formed
the habit of drinking to drunkenness,
but he can stop right where ne IS
without any great effort. He knows
that, just so sure as Il pig will become
q hog, or a pup will become dog, SO
sure he will become drunkard soon
eli or later, unless he quits.
SUIT says everybody is more or less
a fool, and he'll "show up some time
when you are least expecting 1T. L
guess there's some truth in that re-
! mark, for | call to mind some Incl
dents right along on that line. IN
which some very upright men have
shown up / will relate one or two
of those incidents, as l heard them.
| On one occasion, so the story was
| told, two neighbors spent Christmas
eve together. Both of them belonged
to the church, and were regarded as
very exemplary members, though they
sometimes took their drama, in mod
crate way; but neither had ever been
charged with being drunk. or even
! taking 'too much
They spent the evening so pleas
antlv talking of the old times, when
| they were bows and young men, the
| family retired and left them still talk
| ing After awhile Brother A, the
+, host, asked Brother B., the visitor, II
/ there would be any harm IN making
a little eggnog, just for them TWO 10
celebrate the occasion. Brother Is.
said he didn't see how any harm could
/ come of it, as they, We're both mem
bers of the church, and both had sense
! enough not to drink too much. And,
| as for the example, nobody need ever
know anything about it-so, no harm
! could possibly come of it,
Brother A. agreed with Brother Is.
| exactly. So, he slipped to the pantry
! and soon returned with eggs, sugar
| and brandy and in due time they were
| slipping their "nog. The more they
slipped the more they talked, and,
strange to say, the more they talked
about religion. But, after awhile, the
"nog' having been exhausted, Brother
= remembered that his wife told him
to come by the market and bring a
dressed turkey for tomorroW's dinner;
so, he rose to go, but it took some
time for him and Brother A. to get
done shaking hands-they'd had such
| q good time. At the market he found
a turkey, and with it in his arms he
started for home. But somehow the
! ground was very uneven, and the con-
sequence was he and the turkey had a
| rough time-SometimeS up, sometimes
/ down; sometimes he on top of the
| turkey sometimes the turkey on top
/ of him. At last he reached home and
] fell up on the piazza steps, making
as much noise as if a yearling had
blundered in.
i The wife, who had been patiently
waiting, ran to the door and speaking
| from the inside, asked: who in the
world is that out there?"
"Itsh me, m ear with all them tur-
keys
| I, CHI he
door and there stood Brother b. try
| ing to look sober, and hugging his tur-
| key as he tried to stagger in.
/ "Oh. my Lord, what is the matter?
the wife asked.
"Nussins re maser wild me 'cept
zese turkeys SO hevy, L liked to a
never got Chico h-here wis en-"
What do you mean? You have
only one turkey the wife said.
'S shores you're born Use got leven
turkish rite-cheer," (patting his tur-
key) zen I'll prove (hic) it. fell
down leven times, en- ey'ry time pick
ed up 'nuther tur-hic-ky, EN- lsh got
EN- rite-cheer.'
The reader will come to the con-
elusion that Brother 3. was in for it;
and all because he would take his
drains sometimes. And just so any
other man who is n moderate drinker
| is liable to make a fool of himself al
! some time or other, for, as SUIT LoVen-
| good said, the fools in him and II
| will "show up
Some years ago three very clever
| fellows came into the city from the
suburbs to get a, shave, one Saturday
! evening so as to be ready for sunday
school next day Two of them were
church members and the third, while
not a member of any church, was a
very clover gentleman. After getting
their shave they concluded to "set 'em
up to each other and have good
| time. AS such things almost always
turn out, they got drunk. Somebody
| called q carriage and sent them out
| home.
| On the waV home one of them tried
to make the other two accept million
| Of dollars each of him, as he informed
| them he had plenty of money to burn;
but rather than burn it, he preferred
| giving it away. One of them said he'd
no use for money; he was laying up
all his treasure in heaven, and didn't
care for things of this world. The
| third one wanted to kiss numbers one
and two; number one for offering to
] give him million of dollars and num-
Iber two because he was such a saint
| He did kiss number one, but number
| two, the sanity one, got mad, and
with an oath, said he'd as soon kiss a
| dog. But number three, not the least
| discouraged by number two's rebuff.
| laid hold on him for kiss, whereupon
n fight ensued between number two
and three, while number one, whose
riches were constantly increasing, said
| he'd give them two millions apiece if
they'd quit fussing and take drink
with him. Number three acceded to
the proposition; but number two, the
sanity one, told the driver to stop and
| let him get out; for he wouldn't ride
another step with two such drunken
fools. The carriage halted, as it hap
| pened, right at the gate of number
| two, whose wife seeing his condition
took hold of him to steady his foot
steps into the house. He mistook her
| for policeman, and swore by all the
saints he could think of, that he
wouldn't go to the guard house; but
! his wife, who was a pretty stout Wo-
| man, gave him strong push that sent
him inside the gate and down upon
| his all-fours. Finally he laid down.
thinking he was in the guard house,
and began to cry over his disgrace.
Numbers one and three rode around
awhile. until their wives finally cap
tured them and put them to bed
I heard of the affair the next week
and on the following Sunday night
preached a temperance sermon in