Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1904-09-14
TRlBULATI0NS OF A. GREAT.
GRANDFATHER.
Elkins, W. Va, Sept. ., '64.

Elkins. w Va, Sept >, ga.
Dear Sonny-Had TO have breakfast in
bed this mornin' all on account of Job
little Stevey Elkins put up on me. His
grandchildren gave what they called a
Rough Rider German" to the Republic
cans of Randolph County and got me to
lead it in the suit | wore when "Old
Hickory" licked the British at New Or
leans in 1915.
You ought to have seen the what-you-
call them fayors-saddles. brides, boots,
spurs. ridin' gauntlets, guns and pistols
enough to arm cavalry regiment on
trainin' day. Then they fitted me up
with all the fxin's of a Colonel of the
Rough Riders, mounted me on a fiery I'M
tanned hobby horse named Bucephaus
and sent me prancin' up and down the
line of shoutin' kids with hddes playin'
"Garry-Own" and Steve Elkins yellin'
like Comanche Indian.
For about five minutes | was It, Grim
visaged Dick carerin' in my lady's cham
Der in all the pomp and circumstance Of
glorious war wasn't in it with melville
my breath held out. Suddenly, ouch. my
legs went hack on me, the room turned
turtle. as they say in the navy, and ths
next thing your Uncle Henry knew he
was in bed with hot bottles all around
him and the doctor feediu' him whisky
with Il spoon.
They say a man has more than 200
homes in his body, and l know it. for
I've an ache in every one of them.
But the bodily pains amt the worst
that came of my leadin' that Rough
Rider German. Between the oyer-exer-
ton and the whisky had the dodgasted-
est nights sleep You ever knew. dream-
cd dream worse than Nebuchadnezzar.
1t seemed like | was visitin' you at Rose
mount We had spent the eve'ing tryin'
unsuccessfully to find some issue that
hadn't been firmly and irrevoca bly," set
tied right by the Republicans, aud you
proposed that we should go out an cool
our fevered brows on the pier in the
moonlight.
was inst beginnin' to quote poetry
from ~ +. Willis about the soft light
that breaks across the lakes. when you
whispered, "Sh. Look! BY Dave Hill,
if there amt gold fish," | looked. but
couldn't see anything but a fresh water
sucker giving forth a putrescent glow as
he flOated by.
Before | could interfere, you shouted,
I'm catch him." and plunged headlong
into the murky tide.
That was the last / saw of you. For
hours | stood rooted to that spot, peern'
into the watery depths. You never came
up. Only bubbles. and still more bubbles.
Just like your speech of acceptance.
At last [ pulled myself together and
yelled for help. Dave Hill was the first
to appear upon the scene. ] see him now
wearin' red night cap on his head and
the destinies of the Democracy in the
hollow of his hand
Boys" said Dave, as soon as he took
in the situation and summoned the Ex-
ecutiye Committee, boys, this is Il ser-
Gus occasion. We've got to get a new
figure head for the ticket
What's that?' says l. whats the
matter with your Uncle Henry? What
becomes of the duties and powers de-
volvin' on me under the Constitution in
case Of the removal death, resignation
or ina bility of the President?"
You should have seen the look of pity
that came into that good mans eyes.
Mind you. it was all dream. | will
never again believe that he never knew
the touch of love, nor maiden's hand in
his'n. "Nunky," says he "Nunky. go
home and go TO bed The Constitution
refers to Vice President-eect. You ars
not elected yet, and it's long shot that
you won't be. If there had been any
chance of that I'd have headed the ticket
myself"
Before l could demonstrate he waived
me aside saying, go home, Nunky, and
tend to your business signing checks"
That made me so mad / woke up.
That's what one gets for leadin' germans
at eighty-one.
Your affectionate uncle
HENRY GASSAWAY.