Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1904-06-10
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the globe, ma.-Chicago News.
Emeline- Sara and I can hardly un-
derstand each other over the telephone.
Edgar-Well, talk one at time.
"Know him? I should say so! We
are husbands-in-law." "Eh" "Our
wives were divorced from the same
man."-Ex.
''She told me that I might hope" "
Better look out! I've known girls to
say that when they intended to accept
a chap."-Puck.
''Smith has lost his job, and I'm
hustling to get him another" "You
are. Eyes. owe him ten dollars,
and I'm afraid he'll be needing it,
Puck.
Stranger-Seems to me this crowd
ed street is a queer place for hospi-
tai. Natve-Well, don't know. Two
trolley lines meet here.-New York
Weekly.
"How did you get your black eye,
SamboW well, boss, yer see was
out a-lookin' fer trouble, and dis ere
eye was de fust to find it."-Yonkers
Statesman.
Philanthropist- did you change
the title Of 1.-The Ladies' Home to
"Old Ladies' Home? Mrs. Du Goods
York Weekly.
Parker-We've moved again. Barker
You have? Parker-Yes; the chill
dren were SO noisy that we couldn't
stand what the neighbors said about
them.-Detroit Free Press.
Young LADY, can always tell your
work the instant I see it Magazine
artist (delightedeCan you. really
Young lady-Easily. The women all
look alike.-New York Weekly.
woman is naturally of a clinging
nature" observed he. "Yes," rejoined
his wife, ''but she isn't to be compar-
ed with a man when it comes to hold
ing on to a IS bill."-New Yorker.
Sam Shinbone- thinkin' OBJ
marrying dat youngest Jackson gal.
Nose Johnson-Don't do it, niger
don't do it Why, dat gal never KEEP
job for over two weeks In her life
Ex.
Bring me some Coffee" said Mr..
Nurox. as he finished his dessert
"Demi-tasseT inquired the waiter.
ssure, If that's the best you got, and
Say, bring one o. them little pots full
Of t."-Philadelphia Press.
"You are always more or less skep-
teal about what you see in print" "
"Yes," answered the man who has his
own ideas about things. Truth may
be at the bottom of well, but it isn't
an ink we'll" Washington Star.
Husband (of popular author)-Dc
you mean to tell me, doctor, that my
wife is insane? Doctor-No, not so
bad as that, but she is hopelessly fool
ish. Husband-Well, that's a relief.
1 was afraid her usefulness as a writer
was impaired-Life.
A prison visitor recently asked one
of the prisoners how he came to be
there. WANT" was the answer.
"How was that. pray?" "Well. 1 want
ed another mans watch. He wasn't
willing I should have it, and the judge
wants me to stay here fve years.
Tit-Bits.
Footinitt (energetically helping at
bazaar)-Won't you put in for a rattle
for this cushion? Visitor-Oh, no,
thanks! Footinitt-Of course, it's
rather useless and gaudy, and so forth;
and personally 1 think the designs
rotten. But do put in for it! Visitor
No, thanks! I made it!-Punch.
Little Willie. who is a Philadelphia
boy, had been watching a dog chasing
his tail for three minutes. Papa" he
asked, what kind Of dog is that?"
THAT" said the father, ''is a watch
dog" Willie was silent a moment
"Well," he finally said, from the time
he takes to wind himself up I guess
he must be a Waterbury watch dog"
Philadelphia Ledger.
When the rreekled girl took a seat
directly across the car from the bright
child the others were oppressed with
forebodings. But they had not long
to remain in suspense. There's a
complexion with a pattern in it!' ex-
claimed the bright child, almost at
once. Hereupon the others breathed
more freely, for it was likely that the
worst was over.-Detroit Journal.
Mrs. Househunter-This house does
not seem to be very substantially built.
Even the floor shakes when we walk
on it. Agent-But madam, this floor
is-erthe very latest thing in spring
dancing floors. ALL the newest houses
have them. Mrs. Househunter-A
the stairs creak terribly. Agent-Oh,
we don't make any extra charge for
those patent burglar-alarm stairs,
madam.-Ch1cago News.
Dick-Say-seen a letter of mine
lying around, gray envelope? Sweep
(stops making the bed)-Do you mean
a letter starting off, Dearest Dickie, -
and asking you to come down and
spend Sunday, and telling you how
lonely she has been all the week, and