Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1904-07-02
OLD-TIME FAVORITES.

Eyes, sighed the veteran miscellany
editor, "a good many Of the old-time
stories have dropped ont Of the rum
ming during recent years and some Of
them / don't expect TO see reappear any
more For instance, the mad wag.
who used to tell the story about b,
who had a country place down In
Shropshire isn't doing anything any
more, and | imagine Th~ he's safely
tucked away somewhere in home for
the aged The mad Wag used to tell
how he had heard rather neat thing
about b. the same b being sad
dog, but rolieking, good-natured f6
low, even II he had always been con-
sidered a great fop and terrible la
dies man Nope the mad wag isn't
spinning any OF 'em any more, and he
kind o leaves void, at that, in the
bosom of an old-timer like me.
And then the man who used 10
write SO many OF 'em about how he
was riding along the trail. a-horseback
through the Cumberland or the Iron
mountains, or somewhere down In Ar
sitting smoking pipe in front OF
dilapidated cabin-yep, the man who
used to start off this way has gone, too
don't know what ever became OF him
but he's dropped out. He always men
toned the fact that there we're a lot
of gallery and no-account dogs fooling
around the cabin, and he caused the
pipe-smoking old woman to give short.
choppy answers, and to finally stand
up and yell for ZeEe or Zeb, and Zeke
or Zeb, Of the cracker species, would
appear In the clearin. and he'd say a
lot of choppy things, too, and so on and
so on. Queer what's become Of that
kind, but guess the man who unravel-
ed EN- must ha' found his way to the
soldiers home long ago.
And then the old stock jokes are
about as much of the past nowadays
as the stuff OF Bill Nye--and, say,
while mentioning Bill Nye, have you
tried the experiment of picking up
something Of Bill Nye's lately and try
ing to get any good out of it? | did,
home, other day Gloomiest quarter
OF an hour ever had. Same stuff that
used to double us all up, but it's awful
to read now. which shows how fast
the American style OF humor changes.
But to get back to the old-time joke
The custard pie full OF ants at the pic
ME joke is one that never crops out
any more, IL you've noticed it. Don't
have any more picnics worth mention
in, and | guess that must be the an
swer And the sew-a-b utton-on- his
or-my shirt joke has already gone to
join lot OF other antediluvians, for
the reason that the young folks grow
ing up nowadays simply wouldn't un-
derstand it. They don't have buttons
on shirts any more, or enough SOS
you could notice EN-, and that's the
answer to that. There's a tremendous
let-up on the mother-in-law joke dur
ing the past few years. I've noticed,
too. Somehow that one played itself
out, for fellows in this country have
fallen into the habit of getting along
first rate with their mother-in-laws, as
a rule-just you look around among
your friends and see If I'm not right.
Mothers-in-law are all right nowadays
-rattling good fellows. mighty handy
and nice when their sons-in-law are
sick, considerate, self-effacing and a
lot of other things-fact is. | know
some fellows who are so devoted to the
comfort of their mothers-in-law who hive
with them that their wives are jealous.
Then, too. the young fellow who, in
proposing for the hand of the girl, used
to get himself kicked down<airs by
the elderly party or have the bulldog
sicked on him-that joke has all but
slackened up for keeps nowadays. New
er was such a joke. that, in my opin-
ion, because there never was any truth
in it worth mentioning. | bet you
couldn't remember a case to save your
soul OF girls father actually resort
ing to physical violence or sticking a
dog spon young fellow who had ask
ed him for the daughters hand. And,
to last, jokes got to have basis of
fact and experience underlying it.
Another one that's dribbling away
fast is the staylate joke-young fellow
who hung around the parlor until the
old man called down from the top of
the stairs asking II the milkman had
been around yet, and so on. That all
ways was a dead one, too, in my opin-
ion. Never saw many girls in my ex-
perience that didn't want EN- to stay
just as late as ever they burned chose
Trouble with 'em nowadays is, ac-
cording to what | hear the girls whis-
per, that the young reprobates have so
many engagements here, there and the
other place that they can't be induced
to stay half long enough,
Mother one that's pretty nigh
fooled out is the young girl or the
fresh boy. brother of the one girl, who
met the beau in the parlor and talked
fresh giveaway things about the one
girl while the latter was upstairs curl
ing her hair. Always was kind o girls
~. that joke. Youngsters calling upon
girls never INDUCED in much rubber
necking conversation with the children