The Montgomery advertiser., 1904-07-24

 too. because it's a good job. think man cud put in four years comfor- tably tn place if he was a sound sleeper. What ar-re hfs jooties, says ye? We'll. durin' tn campaign he has to do good deal iv tn rough outside wurruk. Tn candydate fir Prisidint Is at home pickin' out tn big wurruds in tn ditchnry an frin' thim at us firm time to time. Tn candydate fir tn Vice-Prisidincy is out in Ioway yellin' firm tn back iv car or a dhray. He goes to all tn church fairs an wakes | an appears at public meetin's between cornet solo an glee club. He ought l to be a man good at repartee. Our l now honored (be some) Prisfdint had to retort with tn very hands that since have signed tn Pannyma Canal bill to Coloraio gintleman who ac- | costed him with a scantling An 1 we'll raymimber another candydate, an | gr'reat man too, who replied to a | gintleman in Shelbyville who med a rude remark be threaten him as though he was an open fireplace. It was what Hogan calls a fine cut an incisive reply. Yes. sir, tn candydate fir Vice-Prisidint has a busy time iv it durin' tn campaign. hoppin' firm | town to town, speakin', shakin hands with tn popylace who call him Hal or Charlie. dogin' bricks, fightin with his aud1eence an diggin' up fir tn finance comity. He has to be an all-round man. He must be a good | speaker, a pleasant man with tn ladies, a fair boxer an rassler, some- thing iv a liar an if he's a raypubli- | can campaignin' in Missouri an active sprinter. If he has all thim qualities, he may or may not rayceive a majori- | ty at tn polls an no wan will know whether they voted f'r him or not
 | Well, he's ilicted. Tn ilictors call on tn candidate for prisidint an hand him tn office. They notify tn | candydate f'r vice. -prisidint through tn | personal columns of the pa-apers: If | tn tall. dark gintleman with hazel eyes, black coat and white vest who | was nomynated at the convintion f'r vice-prisidint will call at headquarters, he will hear iv something to his advan- tage! So he buys a ticket an hops to Wash'nton where he gets a good room l suited to his station right above the | kitchen an overlookin' a woodward. | Tn prisidint has to live where he is put but the vice-prisidint is free to go anywhere he likes where they are not particular. Tn Constichoochion pro- vides tthat the prisidint shall have to put up with darky cookin' but tn vice. prisidint is permitted to eat out. Ivry mornin' 1t is his business to call at the l White house an inquire afther tn Prisidint's health. whin told that tn prisidint was never betther he gives | three cheers and departs with a heavy heart. Tn feelin' iv tn vice-prisidint about tn prisidint's well-bein' is very deep. On rainy days he calls at tn | White House ah' beRs tn prisidint not to go out without his rubbers. He has Mrs. Vice-prisidint knit him a shawl to protect his throat again tn night air | + tn prisidint has touch iv fever, tn vice-prisidint gets a touch iv fever him silf. He has tn doctor on tn phone durin' the night. Doc. I hear tn prisi- dint is orwell he says. Cud do annything fr him,-annything like dhrawin his salary or appintin' the postmasther at Injyannapolis? It is
 princip'lly. Hinnissy. because iv tn
 vice-prisidint that most of our prisi- dints have enjoyed such rugged health. Tn vice. -prisidint guards tn prisidint an the prisidint afther siZin' up the vice -prisidint concludes that 1t wud be betther for the country If he shud live yet awhile. Dye know says the
 prisidint to the vice ce-prisidint, fvry
 time I see you feel ten years younng-
 err 'Ye'er kind Wslrruds.' says tn
 vice. -prisidint, 'btings tears to me eyes.
 My wife was sayin' on'y this mornin' how comfortable we ar-re in our little
 flat Some vice-prisidints have been so
 anxious for the prisidint's safety that
 they've had to be warned of tn White
 House grounds.
 Aside firm tn arjoos duties iv look
 in afther tn prisidint's health. 1t Is
 tn business iv tn vice prisidint to pre-
 side over tn deliberations iv tn Shit
 livery mornin' between ten an twelve
 he swings his hammock In tn pala-
 chial Sinit Chamber an sinks off into
 dhreamless sleep. He may be awakened
 by Sinitor Tillman pokin' Sinitor Hoai
 in tn eye. This Is wan way tn Shit iv
 deliberatin If so, tn vice prisidin'
 rises firm his hammock an says: "Th
 Sinitor will come to ordher. He won't
 says tn Snitor. Oh, very we'll says
 tn presidin' officer; he won't an
 dhrops off again. It is his jooty to rig
 orously enforce tn rules iv tn Shit
 There ar-re none. Tn Shit Is ruled
 be courtesy like tn longeshoreman':
 union. Tn vice prisidint is not ex'
 pected to butt in much. It wud be C
 breach iv sinitoryal courtesy fir hin
 to step down an part tn sinitor firm
 Texas an tn sinitor firm Injjyany 1T
 tn middle iv a debate undher desl
 on whether Northern ginfelemen.
 shuddent wondher if he thried to dt
 it if he was taught his place with tn
 leg iv 8 chair. He isn't even called
 upon to give a decision. All that hi.
 grateful counthry demand firm tn mar
 that she has illivated to this proud DO
 sition tn toe iv her boot, is that h,
 shall keep his opinyons to himsilf. An
 so he whiles away tn pleasant hourl
 in tn beautiful city iv Washinton. an
 whin he wakes up he is ayether in thu
 White House or in tn sthreet. IT
 niver say anything again tn vice pris idency. It is a good job an Is richl! deserved by ayether Hinnery Casa
 way Davis or Charles Fairbanks. An be hiven's, I'll go further an say 1 richly deserves ayether iv thim."
 Has tn candydates accipted tn nommynation f'r prisidint?" asked MT Hennessy.
 No" said MT. Dooley. "th' counties 1 E.