Columbia courier. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1902-1905, 1904-08-05
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to-nSnt.-luck.
Brown-Is Smith the boss over at
his house? Jones-Mrs Smith says he
isn't, but | take notice he picks out all
the new wall paper.-Cincinnati Trib.
une
Mr.. Tim Idity-Is your chauffeur n
safe man to ride with! Mr.. Knote
Slowe-Why, certainly! No policeman
has succeeded in catching him yet
Town Topics.
Mrs. hugwater-Josiah, where is
there such a thing as a laundry trust?
Mr.. OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES? What do
you suppose the Flatiron Building in
New York Is for?
Arthur, dear. don't you think it's
rather extravagant of you to eat butter
with that delicious jam?' NO, love;
economical. Same piece of bread does
for both. Tit Bits.
Magistrate (sternly)-Didn't l tell
You the last time you were here l never
wanted you to come before me again?
Prisoner-Yes, sir, but couldn't make
the policeman believe it-New Yorker.
Are you at all familiar with
Plato?" asked Mrs. Oldcastle. NO,
that's one thing Josiah always blames
me for. He says l never make real
close friends with anybody."-Phila-
delphia Ledger.
After a more severe reproof than
usual, little Bessie, who is extraordin-
arIly sensitive, thought dill gently for
minute, and then said Mamma, isn't
there any way child can get Ill.
vorce from its parents2'
"Some scientists," began Mr.. Gay.
significantly, consider kissing danger
GUS. DO you" "Well,' replied Miss
Smart II think it would be for You.
My big brother is within call."-Ex.
change.
when young fellers begins a-court-
in" said Farmer Haicede, they jest
gifts crazy, an tibet thar boy Jim O.
mine amt no exception" whats Jim
bin a-doln'T' asked Farmer Soanreep.
Hanged If he didn't 60 inter town
yesterd'y an spend a hull sixpence fur
q toothbrush"
YES" said the boarding school
teacher, Il think that Is model letter
for you to write your fiance. But Of
course You will copy 1t, leaving out
those numerous spaces?" "Oh. dear,
no" replied the girl. "Those are for
dearest have 1t OH rubber
stamp."-Detroit Free Press.
Mr.. Phoxy-I was going to ask you
to try this little trick. Multiply the
years of your age by three, subtract
twenty -one from the total and what's
the answer? Miss Kute-You should
be able to guess the answer at once.
Mr.. Phoxy-What is 1t? Miss Kute--
None of your buslness.-Philadelphia
Press.
The honest man Ito theater-door ten
der)-I see that you have signs in the
lobby saying that tickets bought OF
spectators will not be accepted. Now,
| want to inform you that | bought
der with sickly smile)-Say, you re-
formers give me pain In the solar
plexus. G'wan in!--EXchange.
Edgar had been asked to write a
composition about the camel. This is
what he evolved: 1.-The camel has four
stomachs and can 60 four weeks with.
out feeding them, remembering TIE
week by counting the stomach he hap
pens to be using at the time; and so,
coming in out of the field once n
month. as regular ms a clock, for lis
breakfast, which is mostly water
They had been talking as they
walked. She had remarked paren
thetlcally: "Oh, it must be terrible to
man to be rejected by II woman
Indeed 1t must" was his response.
Then after while, with sympathetic
disingenuousness she exclaimed: II
don't think that could ever have tho
heart to do it," And there came Il
silence between them as he thought ii
over-Tit-Bits
In small village in Yorkshire an
old lahorer once went into neigh
boris cottage. In the corner of tile
| little kitchen stood grandfather
clock, on the dial of which was the
customary figure of an old man holding
n scythe, and above was the time-worn
inscription, "Tempus fugit." Looking
wisely up at the clock, the old man
said to the owner: AYE, tempua
fugit! Same man as made ours, | seev'
Tit Bits.
General "Phl' Sheridan was at one
time asked at what little incident did
he laugh the most. well" he said,