The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1904-07-28

his fathers cow pasture, and after that
he tried it on his fathers old blind
mare. The mare was a patient animal,
and did not even try to kick him. Her
real feelings cannot, of course, be ascer-
tanned, but perhaps she wished herself
deaf as we'll as blind. But Nose
thought he was well-nigh perfect, and
had acquired quite considerable stock
of self-confdence.
One day he met Mandy Thornapple,
or rather, he overlook her on the way
to church. She was an old maid, ugly
as sin in feature, form and disposition.
A brilliant idea struck Nose amidships,
or thereabouts. Here was a real live
woman-an ugly woman, it is true, yet
woman for all that-whOm he had no
more idea of marrying than he had of
marrying the passive fence post in the
aforementioned northeast corner of his
fathers cow pasture. Here, he thought,
was grand opportunity to further
perfect himself in the art of proposing.
He quickly put his thoughts into exc
cution, and she accepted him before lie
had fairly ended. Perhaps she was
afraid he might change his mind be-
fore he got through, or that a second,
and closer study of her face might de-
ter him from bringing the matter to
the, by her, devoutly wished for conclu-
sion. When he told her it was only a
joke, or rather, that he was only try
ing the proposal on her first, that he
might the more effectively try it on
Susie Skinner afterwards, she
did unto him even what a Kansas
cyclone does unto the creatures and
things that fail to reach the cyclone
cellar in time. When she got through
with him, the doctors gathered the
scattered fragments of his anatomy
and patched them together with vary
ing skill and success. They did fairly
we'll with his left ear, and his nose on
ly pointed about thirteen degrees tC
the southeast when he stood facing the
east-Which was not so bad, consider
ing the condition and shape they founc
it in. His right ear sustained but lit
tie damage-a few square inches Of
skin torn off. and few holes, where
Miss Thornapple's finger nails had beer
at work, that was all. But for som,
reason it always wore mOurnful an(
depressed look. As for the hair Mand.
tore out of his scalp, it could not b.
found anywhere, and it is commonly be
lieved that she took it home with he
and stuffed pincushion with it. .Th'
doctors charged Nose $3.50 for patch
ing him together, and it cost his oil
man 81 200 to soothe the lacerated feel
ings of Miss Mandy Thornapple. Su
sic Skinner, when she heard of the al
, fair, gave him up as being past hope
and shortly after married Zeke Under
wood.
When Nose reached his majority hi
! father called together his relations an
friends, and when the hard cider ha
l been passed around few times, an
. the male members of the gatherin
. had refreshed themselves with larg
: and juicy hunks of plug tobacco, h
called Nose, and sat him in the mids
, of them, and addressed him in the TO
q lowing terms:
e my son, you are now Fl years oil
v From now on the world will hold 20
l responsible for your own actions, an
s will allow you to vote at electio
Q times, and in other and divers way
q grant you the privilege of acting tn
n part of man. [ have called togetht
Q these your friends aud relations the
f they may hear what say, and CORE,
a me if say what is untrue. My son, Lib
d all other mortals, you were born foe
Q and you reached for the moon befol
r, you were three months old. But I'll
:, like most mortals, you have in all tt
: past years of your life never shown
q tendency to subdue the fool in yo
>. In fact, with increasing years you hay
a increased folly, and it seems as if yo
e counted that day wasted in which yO
l. did not do something more foolish tha
l. on the preceding day, Sundays and he
70 idays included. I have often reasone
J. with you, and warned you, but to I
f. purpose. have at times reenforct
a my arguments with switches of w
g low, and birch, and hickory, vii
If shingles, and laths, and saplings, vii