Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1904-02-10

wNSTv" y.
HALF AN HOUR AHEAD OF TIME.
evening. A pack of mountain lions had
given the carrier a run for it, We trust
that the department will act upon the
hint.
Mr. Swift is coming up from Flor
ence i'll Il couple of weeks to let day
light through us and end the reign of
the car of Arizona. At least that's
what his letter says. and we shall be at
home when he calls and do our half
of the shooting
We have had to kill two men, wound
three and lick fourteen to get this
postoffice into running order, but it is
now down on the books of the inspect
ors as the best conducted office in the
territory. Postmasters come here from
Idaho to learn how we do it.
In returning from CochiSe Place the
other evening at midnight after having
attended social function and borne
off the palm, as usual, some concealed
assassin fired seven shots at us and
sent bullet through our three dollar
hat. If he will call around some day,
we will present him with the tile, as
we have had to resort to our old cat
skin.
Shakespeare's Hamlet is booked
for the Hellso Opera House every night
next week, and we wish to say to the
boys in advance that the stage director
will have Hamlet dance three jigs and
do trafeZc act and endeavOr to come
up TO our standard of what a stage
hero ought to be. Don't begin shoot
ing until he has chance to show what
he can do.
Mr.. Johnson, the genial landlord Of
the Gray Wolf hotel, was compelled
to shoot guest named Warner the
other day for finding fault with the
holes in the tablecloth. He did 1T as
gently as he could however, and has
agreed to pay half the doctors bill.
1t was the principle of the thing he
looked at, and very correctly too. Per
NIT one guest to hold up ''holy' table
cloth to scorn, and others would soon
follow suit
The Pine Hill Banner is in error in
saying that q large audience Kissed our
essay on Columbus when delivered
there one night last week. 1t was
what we took for enthusiastic applause.
We got out of the hall and into the
saddle while it was still going, and if
we were followed fora mile and a half
by people on horseback it was that
they might cheer our homeward way.
We think we know as we'll as any
other lecturer when we have made
hit or a miss Of it.
We are trying to give a sort of TWEEN
tieth century flavor to our paper by
employing eastern journalists who
happen along, but we confess to being
somewhat discouraged. They don't ex-
both hands. There is q certain chic
to this climate only to be understood
by q journalist who has been shot at
about dozen times.
Jim Whitbeck, alderman from the
First ward, has been aching for some
time to find out if his honor the mayor
(Who is ourselG was We up in "Cush-
ings ManuaP' as president of the COM
mon council Last Friday evening he
learned all he wanted to know. He
was INDUCING in q speech when there
was no question before the house and
was politely cautioned He refused to
heed the caution and planted himself
on the broad platform of American
liberty. His honor stepped down and
took Jim and his platform and threw
both downstairs i'll heap. The alder
man from the First had his shoulder
dislocated and the funny bone of his
elbow cracked in two places. If there
is any other member of the council
who doubts the mayors thorough ia
miliarity with "Cushing's" he is free
to experiment at any meeting.
NJ. QUAD.
From His Friends.