New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1904-07-10
THE RUBRIC OF RUM
Steady Drinkers Analyze Their o.,
and Others Practices

liquor without framing up some sort Of an s
| cuse for it?"
| THAT I have" returned the other s...,
| drinker with decision. ''and moreover. that So
is excuse to fit every circumstance or moo
| Say rather that every circumstance or p,o.,
/ fits some sort Of a drink and you'll hav. :
right" corrected the first. as he finished ootv,.~
his highban. "One might add the stock excu..'
| for not drinking, some of the sophistries ana
| euphemisn or two and call it RUNS ritual"
| at strikes me that you have the right idea hu
| not exactly the word" said the one who toot =.
| liquor straight. The rubrtc of rum is mus
| more comprehensive. for our drinking custou.
are certainly fixed enough and written In red =
| the faces of consistent followers.
Perhaps the Oldest excuse for drinking I,cr
with this generation is the time honored On. :,
curing a cold Our fathers took rum and ma
lasses and the effect was glorious. We fan has.
on rock and rye. which has Just as slight a, :,
feet the cold. In either case 1t is the alcobo,
effect that is after, and il is the alcohol an,
IS excusing.
The matter OF moods and drinking must \.
considered You get news that makes you hapDv
and you just have to drinIc-champagne cock.
tails. perhaps. Your child dies and your GRE.
is so great that you must pour down the liquor
But 1t would be just the same II the victim a,
hear one Of these excuses one would think tina,
it was case Of cause and effect but there reauv
is no connection.
Every drinker knows that a cold day "a q,
excuse for drinking. After being out IN ina
open for an hour eating up a bitter March wn4
why, OF course you need drink. But IL mn
awful hot. equally, OF course a mans got,,
take a snifter! And then there is a wet dav-
bless you. we'd all have been in our graves ifn
had not been for the drinks that dried US out a,
wet days.
There are no end OF sophistries IN this rusr,,
For instance. there is that argument OF nany
followers that Scotch whiskey does not give an.
q headache and that red whiskey Will II ron
are subject to headaches drink Scotch. Vet,
is the alcohol that does the work in either cas-.
The favoring that gives the different color
could be put In ones eye without doing any
damage
The gin sophistry IS equally well known. Gl,
acts the kidneys. so If you fear diabetes or
kindred troubles drink gin. How It acts tia
drinkers do not know. but they stick 10 II
through thick and thin. AS matter Of fact
gin simply does up the kidneys II you drink
enough Of IT. as any pathologist VII tell you
1T Is remarkable how many drinkers go u,
to bar and quietly ask the bartender to pm
scribe drink for them.
"I don't know what want this morning
the drinker will begin I'm suffering from
heartburn
The bartender promptly prescribes lemon and
seltzer. gin rickey. The poor victim put,
more acid into his already troubled stomach
and wonders why the heartburn stiH pains him
You've noticed surely the lengths a drtnk.r
Will go to keep from mixing his drinks and
brands He firmly believes that If hs drink,
more than one brand Of whIszey. for fnstaac.
the same evening he VIII have a bad morning
after. at least q worse one They argue Il
out thus:
"'Oh. crickey, what q headachel Let ma
think: what did drink? In Smiths had ten
or twelve Bunter's and then we walked down
TO Jones's. and there we switched the brand
and had eight or nine more That's It! We
switched the brand: IL I'd stuck to Bunter's I'd
be feeling like a June morning instead Of a De-
cember afternoon Never again for mine"
There are many honest folk who do no,
want to drink much liquor and stick to milk
punches because It is nine parts milk After two
or three they insist that they cannot be under
the influence because they have been drinking
nothing but milk punches
II think most Of the euphernisms come from
desire to avoid saying Give me g. drink o;
liquor or, IN other words. Hand out glass Of
poison Just now the most popular one IS 'Taks
a ball. A few years ago every one who asked
put 1t Have smile with me- Careless souls
may say Have jolt. or Take a lab: but Il IS
only the man from the West or South who
comes out boldly with Come and have drink
OF liquor and it is the bartender IN Red Dog
and not in the Broadway rum palace who says
cheerfully. Name your poison. gents
Yet we have our vulgarisms right hero n
New-York- The one that CRATES on me- most 4,
81.
nouveau richie at the Hotel de Hyphen never
buys champagne. He opens wine. and ne thinks
he is speaking most elegantly when he speaks
OF II IN that way.
Another Of these vulgarisrns Is the expression
case goods You will often hear. We had .
great old time last night; drank nothing but
case goods. They mean. Of course. that they
were not satisfied with the regular bar whiskey,
but each time they drank demanded soma par
tcular brand which comes in a case Of so many
dozen bottles.
IF we have excuses for taking a drink we ars
nearly as well supplied with excuses for not
drinking. The professional excuse and one tina;
always goes is No. thank you: I've just had my
luncheon or Much obliged, old man: I've Just
got up from dinner Now. why these excuses
should stand is beyond me. There is no tine
more appropriate for taking drink than Just
after meal and no time when drinking does
one less harm. The man who says he is on
the water wagon or up a pole is seldom urged
to get Off or climb down. The excuse stands anu
is not open 10 argument
you've made the case" said the other STEADY
drinker. And there certainly is materin
enough for ritual or rubric whichever you VIZ
But there Is one thing you have forgotten ana
for which we can both give our sincere thanks
1t is no longer good form to get drunk. 1t vas
you know. in the eighteenth century. Even