The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1904-04-03

mountain, or q brick building, or a
fchurch srire, or something which does
not roll I viii photograph this fixed
object upon your brain SO powerfully
that it shall drive out the picture of a
rolling ship; I viii suppress the tale
you were about to telegraph concerning
a tossing vessel, and send instead
dispatch about u fixed star, or the San
Francisco Cali building, or Grover
lCIeYeIand's chances Of not getting
third terrn-something irnnovabie and
permanent, and the acute diaphragm
will at once have all its approximations
quoted, and you win no longer be Sea-
sick
Having delivered himself of this. lit
tie dab of science, the Young Doctor
walked away and left me to my taft
rail musings.
+ They did not last long. I simply let
my meduIa oblongata alone. Neptune
accepted my tribute and gave me a
passport Next day while I was smoh-
/ ing a cigar on the upper deck, had the
satisfaction of seeing the Young Doc
/ tor bend over the taffraii while his
rneduIIa oblongata was vainly endeav-
oring to send a telegram over his
/ pneumogastric nerve. But all the re-
! Spouse he received was line busy,
as he rendered UP his breakfast and
luncheon unto the fishes.
! For the first three days out from New
York. pitiiess Neptune wFeathed his
wrinkIed face with soft smiles and only
a summer sea flashed beneath our
dancing keel Then came the banks Of
/ Newfoundland, and a day and a night
/ of dense fog, during which our mailed
ship constantly sounded her shrill
shrek of warning through the encom-
passing mist the while her stripped
masts like bannerless wraiths of fleets
/ which have gone before, uplifted their
/ spectral arms above deserted decks.
The life boats We're provisioned and
equipped and made ready for launch
ing, in case Of accident. The captain
paced the bridge without rest for TWEEN
| ty-two hours, and l felt sure that IN
case we plunged into a passing ship,
Tor a neighboring iceberg, every possi-
/ Bile precautfon had been taken, and
coroner's jury of sharks would bring
/ in q. verdict that no blame can attach
| to the officers or crew.
Speaking of coroners' juries, what
wonderful instances they occasionally
offer Of the intellectual depravity of ap-
parently intelligent men 1t was an
Arizona coroner's jury which brought
in a verdict that the deceased commit
/ ted suicide by calling Colonel Blizzard
Smith a liar, and it was Los Angeles
/ coroner's jury which found that little
Bobby Thompson, aged eleven years,
was properly killed in resisting arrest
/ con a charge Of stealing a bottle of
/ whiskey) by running away from a fat
policeman, who. unable to overtake
him, brought him down with one shot
from a 38-caiibre pistol.
Notwithstanding the fog, a lady at
our dinner table declared that she felt
safe because the boatswain whistled,
and the first mate whistIed, and she
| knew that no spirit of apprehension
could dwell behind those CHEEKY sounds.
| You are right, madam" said the
Young Doctor Your idea is cor
rect, though not scientifically express
ed. The effect of the emotion of fear
/ is often to partially paralyze the .obicu-
laris avis, which sphyncter being thus
unable to contract"
.'Oh, stun your obicularis oris. said
L you mean, suppose, that when a
party is scared he can't pucker.'
THAT is indeed nay meaning" said
the Young Doctor, ..but it is not neces-
sary to vulgarize the nomenclature OF
science in order to express it.
No quicker is needed" said I, for
/ the whistles on this boat The officers
| all blow through metal pipes. and the
/ engineer uses the breath of his engine
and not his own lungs"
THAT makes no difference with the
scientific explanation said the Young
/ Doctor suilenIy. as he helped himself
/ to the mashed potatoes
Our passengers are mostly English
and Scotch people. but few Americans
and only an occasional Irishman We
have a, live Lord, an Earl from the
/ land of oaten cakes. among our outfit
His lordship looked like a decayed
/ "barkeep." and the frosty climate of
/ his earldom-a little island OF the
coast of Scotland-assisted by hot
scotch has developed his proboscis
into a wonderful likeness OF a ripe fig.
He is said to be a very clever amateur
machinist, and with his own handy
constructed a steam automobile, years
in advance Of the present inventions IN
use. He propelled it over Scotch high
ways. TO the frightening of hares and
/ the ACKNOWLEDGEMENT of parish treasur-
les in the matter of fines, until one day
he ran it into a bard of sheep and
it upset and threw him out, and the
colIies took generous slices out of his
pantaloons, with some meat, and there
after the Earl steam-wagoned no more.
The Earl is a sociable old party and
leaves the dignified reserve business
TO his Countess. fair-haired English
dame, with jewelled ears, and with
eyes of steely blue. and a complexion
as warm and soft as midsummer
morning.
After the fog came day of head
winds and heavy sweIls, and then we
had pleasant hours once more, and the
decks were again crowded.
Does our western poet. Joaquin Mil
Ter. continue as OF old to make a sem
sation among your said a lady to her
Wis a Wis at dinner.
''Aw, yes. suppose so" was the re-
ply. That's the beggar that lost the