The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1904-02-25

name a friend and an early date that
he shook off his lethargy and begged the
privilege of shaking hands with the
hero Of South Mountain. My biography,
which he published in his next issue, oc-
cupied four columns, and was one of the
most valuable documents of my cam
paign. Not a bad man, that editor, but
he hadn't sized Colonel Bunked up
right. you see. Too much freedom OF
the press, and too little Of Colonel
Bunker. Might have gone with some
men, but wouldn't pass with me. Have
you observed. sab"
1 had. I signalled to the colored
waiter and he brought in two more, and
when the straws had done their duty as
before, the Colonel briskly remarked:
Il had other calls to make. The
editor of a certain weekly paper had
seen fit to ridicule my affair of honah
with Majar Tripper, and had boldly de-
clared that we were only armed with
cucumbers. Some men might have
passed it over. sab. but not so Colonel
Bunker. When he published an article
headed: Colonel Bunker VS.. The Gu
cumber-The Cucumber vs. Colonel
Bunker he might have reckoned on an
early call from the man who had two
horses shot under him at louisa
Court House. I found the gentleman in
his sanctum and opened the case by in
viting him down stairs and across the
street into the State House grounds. He
followed me. sab, and at a proper mo-
ment ] turned on him and produced a
cucumber and asked:
- Sab, will you do Colonel Bunker the
favor to name this esculent?'
He replied that it was a cucumber.
And please name this?' I said, as
produced a pistol.
''He did so, and drawing a second
one / handed him the first and re-
quested him to wait while I stepped
off the usual ten PAGES. I had come
to show him the difference between Gu
cumbers and duelling pistols, but I
was not put to any great trouble He
came down handsomely, sah-came
down Defo' I had marked six PAGES,
and the spirit with which he entered
into the campaign made me 200 votes
not counted upon. Egadt sab, but the
way that cucumber business dropped
out of his paper raised the price of
pickles a dollar a barrel that winteri
"Once mo-, sah-once mo-" huskily
continued Colonel Bunker as he gazed
iongingly into the vast emptiness OF
the glass at the elbow. "A certain
editor had characterized me as a relic
of the Drift Period. 1 could not mis-
take his meaning. 1t happened that
he was the last of the fraternity on
which l had to call. When I had in
troduced myself, I said:
=" Mistah Nightingale, I plead guilty
to having lived a long number of
years, but 1 have called this afternoon
to convince you that, notwithstanding
my advanced age, 1 can still hold a pis-
tol-a pistol, sab. and that can count
the shirt buttons on a man at ten
PAGES. When you take a walk with
me in the grounds of my friend, Judge
Dorsko, or would it be mo- convenient
for you to meet this relic of the Drift
Period at sunrise tomorrow mawnin'?'
1.-The next issue of that editors pa
per was out a day ahead of time" said
the Colonel, as his eyes twinkled with
satisfaction. He was in hurry TO
set me right, sah-to give the number
of my battles at II and my wounds at
five. and to announce that my nominal
ton as state senator was equivalent
to an election Beautifully done, sab
beautifully done for a country editor
who wasn't posted on the Drift Period,
and he has ever since insisted on send
ing me a copy of his paper free There
you We're, sah-Colonel Bunker vs.. the
editorial fraternity of the Second sena-
torial district-Colonel Bunker vs.. the
Cucumber-Colonels Bunker VS.. the
Drift Period And the Colonel still
lives, sah-still lives, and should it
meet with your approval, sah.-''
1t did, and the Colonel enjoyed his
third.