Condon globe. (Condon, Gilliam Co., Or.) 189?-1919, 1904-08-04

Doctor Holmes, being asked by
young physician what sign TO put on
his door, replied; THE smallest fev.
ers gratefully received"
Mrs, Smlth--AIy husband has been
enjoying very poor health OF late,
Mrs. Brown--How fortunate that he
can enjoy Il! Very few people do.
A juryman being asked by the
judge II he ever read the papers. re.
piled: "Ies, your honor. but II you'll
let me go this time. I'll never do 80
any more"
Patteuce-Seo how yellow her hair
Is; aud II used TO be brown, patrlce
Yes; she's been using one OF those
yellow Journals TO make curl papers.
--lonkers Statesman,
"He had play produced by an
amateur company the other night,
believe. Who was the hero Of II, do
you knowT Il was one. sat
through it"-Phtladephla Ledger.
A little Maine girl came to her
mother one morning and said: MAN.
ma. | don't feel very Well" "well.
that's too bad" said mamma; "whero
do you feel the worstp I'm school,"
was the prompt reply.
An elephant must be a pretty ex.
penslve animal" "Yes, wish had
enough money to buy one" what
do you want with an elephantT" IL
don't. | merely expressed a wish for
the money. y."-Phlladelphla Press.
She (angrily)--Sir. | understand you
said | had face that would stop Il
clock. He tcalmlyl-So | did. Any
well'reguated clock would pause aud
hold up its hands In admiration at
sight OF your lovely tace.-St. Louis
Star.
Husband (who had been out West
on business. and left his wife some
! blank checksl-Mary. ind you have
considerably overdrawn ut the bank.
Mary-Nonsense. John. how can that
be? I've two OF those blank checks
left yet.
Mrs, Jenks-Are you perfectly SAT-
istied with your new dress2 Mrs.
Speitz-Yes, indeed. The man love
best thinks It's beautiful, and the
woman love least has pretended to
turn up her nose ut it.-Philadelphla
Ledger.
A cowardly fellow, having kicked q
newsboy for pesterlng him TO buy an
evening newspaper, the lad waited TIL
another boy accosted the gentleman"
and then shouted in the hearing OF tho
bystanders: It's no use TO try him,
Jim, he can't read"
Sometimes" said the poet, Il am
almost afraid that take myself too
seriously" "Oh. well, never mind"
replied his klnd-hearted friend.
there's no harm done II you do.
Every body else regards you as a
joke. Chicago Record Herald.
Here Is peculiar advertisement
which recently appeared In Brisbane
paper: "Permanent.-Wanted. man
to look after one horse and few
cows and pigs. One who can impart
the rudiments of French, singing and
the piano to children preferred"
I'D like to have your check for that
little midnight supper | served at
your house last month";" said the
caterer. You'll have to wait until |
get the Doctors bill for curing me of
Indigestion" replied the victim. That
comes off your bill. ll."-Philadelphia
Press.
II know what you've come here
for" said little Willie; you're going
to ask my sister TO be your wife"
"Oh! Why do you think soY' "'Cause
l heard her tellin' ma she was goln'
to git you In a corner tonight and
make you say it."-Chlcago Record.
Herald.
Moose Meadow Sheriff-Yes, that's
Spike Moran, alias Big Eddy. alias
Jim Thornton, alias Kid McDuff. He's
a burglar. Stranger-But why do you
let him live here2 Sherl1-Jest to fat
up the census. We put him In the
directory under each name. you see.
Judge.
Don't be too quick to strike an.
other, my boy" said the kindly old
man, who had interrupted the fight;
always count ten before you do It,
and then--" ''Yeh," replied the
boy, contemptuously. IAN den It'll be
de referee dat'll be countln ten on
you."-Philadelphia Press.
Jennies mother was expecting com.
pany, but just before train time 4
telegram arrived which read: Missed
train. Will start at same time to-
morrow" Jennie rushed home from
school expecting to see the guest but
instead was shown the message. Aft.
er reading 1t laboriously and careful.
ly through. she exclaimed: why,
mamma, If she starts at the same time
tomorrow, she will miss the train
again"
Lincoln's Way or Teasing,
In his home city, Springfield, ILL.,, a
story ia told nf lincoln whIoh hos