The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1904-10-13
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ly-Indeed! What book? Swatter-
The dlrectory.-Chicago News.
Gabber-You ought to meet Dyer.
Awfully clever imitator. He can take
of anybody. Miss Duncan (wearily)--
wish he was here now.--Tit-bits.
Stringem-Say, do you want to get
next to scheme for making money
fast? Nibbles-Sure | do. Stringent
Glue 1t to the fioor.--Chlcago News.
At the Art Exhibition: First Judge
-Daublelgh is a profile painter, isn't
he? How would you estimate his
work? Second Judge-By the quart
Life.
Another hateful thing: "How did
you like our new duet" she asked,
"Oh, was that duet? thought you
were only QuarrelingW-Yonkers
Statesman.
Roosevelt and Parker outdistanced:
Stella--Men are so stupid. Bella
Yes, indeed; do you suppose it would
take me weeks to write letter Of ac-
ceptance ?-Exchange
Customer-The last fish | had from
you didn't seem very fresh. Fish
Dealer-Well, mum, 'ow can you ex'
pect fresh fish to come out o. salt
water New Yorker.
First Physician--So the operation
was just in the nick of time? Second
Physician--Yes, in another twenty -four
hours the patient would have recovered
without it.-Harpers Bazaar.
At the seaside: She-Oh! George,
what lovely waves! He-Very nice;
but, poor things, they're just like me-
we both arrive at the shore in splen-
did styIe-and go back broke.-Judy.
Visitor (at Putin Bay)-What do you
do in here all summer? Native-Loaf
and fish. Visitor-And what do you
do in the winter? Native-We don't
hsh.-Cincinnat Commercial Tribune.
81 suppose" said the drummer, you
labor on the Sabbath, and rest the re-
mainder of the week" NO." replied
the village parson: II try to collect
my salary on week days."-Chicago
News.
More Troublesome "Tt's pretty hard
TO be worried by lot Of debts you
can't pay" Nonsense! That's moth
ing to being worried by lot of debts
you simply have to pay."-Philadel-
pEia Ledger.
Diagnosis: Patient--Do you con-
slider this trouble fatal, doctorF Iou
know my means are limited, and
Doctor-Well, as rule, the patient
succumbs to It after about two thou
sand dollars worth of treatment
Life.
Sure enough: "0t course, l don't
want to crlticise, but don't think 1t
was altogether right for David to say
all men are liars" "Well, at any
rate, It was safer than to pick out one
man and say 1t to him, ,'-Phlladelphia
Press.
Artist-Have you taken my picture
to the exhibition Porter-Yes, sir;
It seemed to please the gentlemen
very much. Arist-What did they
say? Porter-Oh, they didn't say
nothing, but they laughed that
'earty.-Glasgow Evening Times.
"Did you ever make any money on
the board Of trader" "Yes, made one
hundred and seventy-five dollars there
one day in less than twenty minutes
"Whew! What did you do with it|
"Oh, they got 1t back before | had
chance to see it."-Chicago Record
Herald.
Teacher-Have you looked up the
meaning of the word "imbibes," Fan
ny9 Fanny-Yes, ma'am. Teacher
Well, what does it mean? Fanny-TC
take in. Teacher-Yes. Now give
sentence using the word. Fanny-My
aunt imbibes boarders. Woman'i
Home Companion.
"Mr. Heavyweight" said the min
lister, sis willing to subscribe $lOOV
for a new church, provided we can gel
other subscriptions making up the
same amount" "Yet you seem dis
appointed" said his wife. Yes,
was in hopes he would contribute $lOC
in cash. Brooklyn Life.
Jones-It is just impossible for me
to keep a lead pencil People are nj
ways borrowing, you know, and they
always forget to return. Brown
whv l never have any trouble. See
I've got whole vest-pocketful Of pen
ellis. Jones-Doesn't that prove JUS
what | sald?-Boston Transcript.
The Elder Miss Spinster (appearin:
Mt the back doorl-Tell me, my goot
man, are you the person who called
here last week? knight of the Roa,
You don't mean the bloke wot yor
give the 'omade pie to? No, mum,
amt i'm. 'E left me his ole tog'
when e pegged out, that's all.--Judge
Sunday School Superintendent IS
you are the little man that won tht
prize books, The Lives of the Saints,
for good behavior. Now, what are YOU
going to do with the books, my little
man? Johnny Miggs-Gunner change
'em, sir, fer BILLY der Black Pirate
and How Jimmy Raised der Ranch.
Life.
There's mighty few people" salC
Farmer Corntossel, that knows wha
TO do with farm after they get one.
Il have noticed that" answered the
girl with frizzes; they always insis
on filling the whole place up with corr
and oats and things, when they nigh
have such lovely tennis courts aud gO.l
links. Washington Star.