The San Francisco call., 1904-06-05
BENDING OF THE TWIG
Fable for the Foolish

record Of. The only horse that a man
can really bet on with safety is a saw
horse and Bill didn't banker to learn
anything about that particular varie-
ty.
Bills father had early tried to I'M
press upon that modern edition Of the
prodigaI son the Importance Of ac-
quiring large punches OF knowledge
so that he should start square with
the boys who had had the advantage OF
being born on Indiana farms and pull
ing sassafras roots for a living in their
INDECENT youth. But Bill didn't seem
to be particularly impressed with the
desirability Of starting early. Any
thing that was to be pulled or early
aroused his displeasure unless he
could stay up all night to see it. Even
the early bird story was wasted on
him for the reason that he believed
that the bird who stayed out all night
could gather I'D pocketful OF worms
on the way home and score q point
on the poor bird who had to shave
and dress and run for his train be-
fore he could get to where the worms
hung out.
When the proposition was put up to
Bill that college diploma would be
a good thing to hang on the wall Of
his Office he ducked and countered with
the argument that II he fingered IN the
classic halls OF learning the amount OF
time required to land the sheapslkin,
the offices would all be rented Be
sides, he inquired, who was going to re-
imburse him for the good times that he
hadn't had while he was adding to the
incomes Of the stockholders in the Md
night OIL Company. So he sidestepped
and let the college course go by. The
next idea that was handed out to him
by the parental hand was that he
should go into business. That wasn't
quite so bad. because business doesn't
entirely interfere with the important
pursuits of life. but Bill had his doubts
about the propriety OF tying a young
and high spirited colt down to hard
labor when he was Just off the grass.
The only thing that seemed left for
Bill was the House Of Correction. when
he accidentally crossed the trail OF a
fair, young, gentle thing with a male
parent who had so much money that
he spent most OF his time going around
looking for places to lose it. Bill de-
cided at once that he knew an alley
where the old man could drop a bas-
ketful of IT any dark night. When he
made the proposition to the young
lady she admitted that there seemed
to be something in 1t, inasmuch as Bill
was not without certain qualities that
are supposed to appeal to the fem
mime heart. He could wear his clothes
as though they had not been worn by
more than one person before he came
into them and he could walk into a
room inhabited principally by beings
OF the opposite sex without falling
over a chair or getting mixed UP with
the rug. These are qualities so rare
among the common or garden Ameri-
can male that Bill was a marked man
for that reason.
It Is useless to make a short story
unnecessarily long. In due course Bill
entered into matrimonial relations with
the young lady. and incidentally with
a fair share Of her fathers filthy but
eminently desirable lucre and settled his
neck into the collar like an old plough
horse. At last accounts he was one of
the deacons and had a box at the
grand opera for the fun season If
any one were to ask him how long it
would take a man to walk from Madi-
son Square to Forty second street after
midnight he would probably put his
hand on his watch and call a police
man. 1t may be that he has reformed
and it may be that he has simply
blown of his superfuous steam. At
any rate, it is wise before we express
any opinion as to the effect Of prema-
ture bending of the twig on the future
inclination of the tree to discover
whether the twig is naturally warped
or is only being slightly detected from
its proper course by a temporary
breeze
Copyright 1908 by Albert Britt.