davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1904-11-11
Lots to Do.

The youngster had heard facetious
reference to the foolkiller and he was
curious.
Does the foolkiller have to work
awful hard?" he asked.
''No; he doesn't have to my son.
but he ought to-" was the reply. He'd
have no time for sleep If he didn't
shirk his duty most shamefully."
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1904-11-11
Satisfactory in Every Way.

Nell--You seem perfectly satisfied
with your new gown.
Believes; it has been approved
by the man. I like best and con.
demned by the woman hate most.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1904-11-11
What He Used.

1t was case Of assault and battery.
During the alteration, queried
the police magistrate, Ibid the &C.
cused use an expletive?'
mo, your honor" replied the prose.
cutting witness, "he only used his fist"
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1904-11-11

The number Of cattle on Illinois
farms January 1, 1904, was 2,689,19
A saving Of $1.00 per head in the
feeding and management would re-
suit in saving of over two and
half million dollars per year to the
cattle raisers of Illinois.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1904-11-11
Looked Suspicious.

as 1t so, pop, that there is so much
water down in Wall street," asked the
brokers' little boy.
"Why no, my son." said the man Of
stocks and bonds, laughingly; that's
only newspaper joke"
well, pop, why do you turn up
your trousers at the bottom every
morning when you go down there?"
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1904-11-11
Two Of a Kind.

II don't believe l ever could learn
to love a man." said the giddy girl.
Our ideas seem to shoot the same
chute" rejoined the sarcastic youth.
II am positive I couldn't. either"
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1904-11-11
Just a Way They Have.

Say, conductor" asked the inquis-
tive passenger, Gin speaking of the
time which is proper, "a quarter to
six or quarter of six
Neither" replied the railroad
man. 81 always say 'five-forty-five. ,"
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1904-11-11
His Little Joke.

Jokeley-Of course you are inter-
ested in the cat show that is to be
held next month?
Rimer (the poet)-I? Why should
I be?
Jokeley-Why, it's got up expressly
for. people who cultivate the news.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1904-11-11
In the Book Store.

Miss Kremey-Haven't you Moore's
poems?
Clerk-Yes, Miss; I II get 'em' for
YOU. BY the way, here's splendid
story called Just One Kiss"
Miss Kremley (coldly)-I want
Moore
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1904-11-11
Unacuuainted.

Muggins-I understand your wife
is financially interested in your bust
ness.
Gabbleton-Yes.
Muggins- Silent partner, Ell?
Gabbleton-Huh! You evidently
don't know my wife.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1904-11-11
Those Dear Girls.

Grace-so Tom is engaged to Ethel,
is he?
Dora-Yes, poor fellow! l suppose
he'll never know it now.
Grace-Never know what?
Dora-That he could have had you
for the asking.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1904-11-11
Sex in Questions.

'There is a sex in questions"
"How SOP"
why, Will she have him?' Is es-
sentially masculine, while Can she
ret himi' is the feminine OF 1t.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1904-11-11

In Prince Edward Island the entire
dairy education and dairy supervision
is under the control of the Provincial
Dairy Association. II the factories do
not come up to a proper sanitary
condition the association can close
them up.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1904-11-11

A cheap and durab.. whitewash Is
made of Portland cement and quick
lime in equal proportions. These
should be slaked separately with
water and thinned with skim milk to
the desired consistency.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1904-11-11

When the cows are allowed to have
their calves run with them they should
be stripped twice day to keep I'D
their milking qualities.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1904-11-11

It is believed that a cow will give
more milk for mixer she likes rEan
for one she does not like.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1904-11-11
Wanted His Assistance.

Young Mani have called, sir. to
request your daughters hand in mar
riage."
Stern Parent-"Huh! Has my
daughter consented to marry you"
Young Manor course not. II she
had I wouldn't be wasting any time
on YOU"
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1904-11-11
A Wise Hen.

A Wise Hen.
Rooster-Don't you know you're
sitting on litter Of glass eggs?
Hen--Sh! Don't mention it. AS
long as the hired man takes me for
fool he'll bring me my meals and
won't have to grub for living.-Ex-
change.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1904-11-11
Between Acts.

Between Acts.
She-The program says, 1t Is
"taken from the German"
He-Humph. guess they were
glad enough to get rid Of 1t.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1904-11-11
Lbs. but

IOtal III years. .1b,oo4 500
Average one year,. 1856 1884
The next cow we will call No. /
she has had but two lactation periods
1t the station, as follows:
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1904-11-11

Ne Failed to Score.
Him-Will you share my lot?
Her-Not me; don't like the crop
you will gather from it.
Him-Crop of what?
Her-Wild oats.
The daily morning journal and courier., 1904-12-26
TIE YALUE OF GOoD RoADs.

A. P. Brigham has something inter- esting to say about good roads. He finds that on dirt roads the cost of trans- porting a ton a mile is 25 cents, while on railroads 1t is three-fourths of cent or less By water the rate varies from one-fourth to one-twelfth of a cent. The ocean rate is one-fifth of the canal rate, one-fifteenth of the railroad rate and one-five-hundredth of. the country road rate. Railroad rates improve, but dirt road rates never do. Tn 1869, for ex- ample, the cost per ton-mile on the New York Central railroad was 2.4 cents while in 1923 the cost was but seven tenths of cent, showing large re- duction, but the preliminary haul to the railroad station over a dirt road costs as much as ever. By making a. good road for the farmer the State may re- duce the cost per ton-mile of hauling freight from 25 cents to cents, thus saving the farmer 17 cents per mile. In New Jersey 1t is found that on inprov- ed roads a team hauls four or five tons, against one ton on an unimproved road At $3 a day for man and team this means a saving of from So to $i2 for Q 10-mile haul Good reads justify long, distance hauling by team, which is worth while in the case of perishable produce and furniture likely to be in- jured by the delays and rough handling of the railroads. In Belgium wagons car- " freight 60 to 70 miles. In this country tho roads are generally such as to re- strict the market for many articles. It is said to be as cheap to take freight by rail from California to the Atlantic as to convey farm produce over dirt roads to Raleigh. N, C., from farms but fifteen niles away.
 And so forth and so on. Connecticut
The daily morning journal and courier., 1904-12-26
shoppIng with the nIuse.

ofttimes my Fate has been so Evil I have sent Gifts whose Price has hit And from the Ones whom I sent the Have come Good Wishes a Ia Christmas
 Card.
 Ii. Long, long I've labored on my lengthy With Pencil eIutched within my weary The thanks from those remembered
 all were Dinmed By chilling Chances from the Folks I
 H''Seu III Last year She sent me something Still My mind, for I'm as dumb as any OK. Is 1t an Ash Receiver or a Plaque Or is 1t meant to be Q Collar Box? A Christmas Gift that dangles from the And yoS beside me-Hear me. then, I Though it be Pipe or Glove or Pen A Pair of Shoes would make me glad
 aer' now. VI So you and I. like peas within a Sieve Bounce to and fro i'll this Place where we live.
 And yon, are wondering What will And I am musing on What will you give.
 An, many Wives give their Affections In gifts m for Husbands on each Christ mas Day
 Expensive things that prove how much they love, But all the Bills poor hubby has to
 pay.
 And, ol,la bless my Soul I always think it That there be Those who live both Far Whose letters, as we say of Christ I mas time,
 Are marked by only coming Once 3
 iear. VII look adown the Yuletide Path oi And see the Waitress standing shy and Also the Porter, and the Postman And eke the always absent once Boy I think that You with these words will We hang a Lot upon. the Christmas l Not for the blessedness it IS to give But saying. Else, what would They
 think of Me?'
 Q. Santa Claus, ere this time you have A-hiking king homeward in the early Dawn | If you should pause to fill my sway I ask you this: Please leave each Price
 Chicago Tribune.
The daily morning journal and courier., 1904-12-26
7-7 n ----= ----=------------- - gEff ftIkE W1Fe D JI.g

The recent action of the British gov ernment in preventing a German steam CT from getting a second cargo of coal intended presumably for the Russians at Cardiff has excited the liveliest in terest among Welsh mine owners. Few persons have any notion of the amount of contrabrand trade in coal done by them In August last at least ten steamers, carrying between 50,OOO and 60,oOO tons of Admiralty steam coal, left Cardiff on Russian account; in septem- Der at least twelve, averaging smaller dead weight, but carrying about 4O,0OO or 5O,OO0 tons; in October at least six teen steamers, carrying SO,o00 or 0OOO tons; and in November seven or eight vessels, shipping about SO0O0 tons. At the Cardiff Custom House about twenty of these vessels cleared for Las Palmas, Teneriffe, St. Vincent, and Porta Praya, in the Canary Islands, ten to Delagoa Bay, one to yigo, several to Manila. and three to Batavia (Java), while others, again, cleared with cargoes to Perrin, Zanzibar, and Colombo Iii all these cases the captains of the vessels were instructed to call at their nom inal destinations for orders. It is sig niffcant of the plans of the Russian fleet now on its way to Port Arthur that all vessels recently loaded at Car diff have cleared for Batavia, (Java).
 Admiral Togo's fleet has also lbeen kept well supplied. The Welsh mine owners are not loudly clamoring for peace.
The daily morning journal and courier., 1904-12-26
rHr FINns LookINe uP.

Finland isn't quite discouraged yet. The majority Of the special committee of the Finnish Diet. appointed to report on the petition that steps be taken to re-establish the Finnish Constitution, has reported in its favor. the Diet Ieav- ing it to the Czar to initiate the meas ures necessary to the re-establishment of the Constitutional administration and legal order of things in Finland 9 The minority recommends that the czar submit to the Diet as soon as possible a new form of government based on lines that have hitherto proved satis- factory, and that the decree of April 2, 1908. be immediately repealed. as well as the coercive measures taken against communes and individuals.
 As the Czar has lately been disposed to be more gentle with Finland per- haps he will do something like that sug- gested by the Finnish Diet. He can't afford to have all his dear subjects down on him.
The daily morning journal and courier., 1904-12-26
PRUDENT

Mrs Grimes-'My husband tells me that MT. spicer is very clubbable man" Mrs Grant Society man or policeman Boston Transcript.
 Mistress-"You ruined that terrapin last night. Ellen. can't have things wasted 80. Sure, mum, twasn't vast ed. We ate 1t in the kitchen, Life. The day was raw, but patiently
 He stayed till set Of sun, And then he liked 1t better, for
 At last the day was done.
 Cincinnati Commercial Tribune
 What do you think of this idea of voting by machine?' Well answer ed Farmer Corntossel, Fl understand politics is run by machine up to that point. don't see any reasGl for stop ping. Washington Star.
 The Soubrette-"Th leading lady claims to have been married to one man for seven consecutive years2, Low Comedian-"Huh! Some women will do almost anything to gain a little noto- riety! Chicago News.
 The professor course, in many respects the ancients were far behind us in civilization" His wife-"Yes, Now, never heard you say that any body. had discovered the ruins of an ancient retail dry goods store. Brook lyn Life.
 One Advantage. Rimer Do tyou real l ly prefer to have long poems sent into you instead of short ones?
 Editor-Yes. When they're long, you see, don't have to think up any other excuse for rejecting them Philadel- phia Press.
 Sound the retreat!, roared the Rus sian officer. The bugler could do naught but obey. "Geeski! But I'm sorry for the poor devils,' he muttered They've heard this tune So often that I'd be willing to bet ten yen against an emer gency ration that they'd encore 'Bede- lia' if dared blatt it. - Town Topics.
 Does your wife buy you any Christi mas cigars ?" She did one year. But I tell her every November that I've made up my mind to quit the debasing habit" "But isn't that too much of a sacriflce?'' You wouldn't think so if you had smoked one of the cigars. = Cleveland Plaindealer.
 Don't you sometimes think that it would be a. good thing for this govern ment to own the railways2" No" an swered the gloomy citizen. It wouldn't do It would be unfair to the party in power Every time man missed a train he'd be so indignant that he'd vote to turn the administration out."-- Washington Star. s Kitty" Harry proposed last evening" :" Nettie-"Yes?"
 Kitty-"And I was aWfully mad with him, too. He actually had the engage, ment ring in his pocket! Just think of I the presumption! If I hadn't already said yes, and if the ring hadn't been a daisy, don't believe I'd accepted him. " Boston Transcript.
The daily morning journal and courier., 1904-12-26
{4aEt
 THE SATIRE OF HISTORY.

When Grover Cleaveland was Presi- dent-elect, a second time, in 1892, Rich- ard Croker, of New York, and Edward Murphy, jr., of Troy, called on him to talk about a United States Senator from New York. They openly asked MT. Cleveland with his views were with reference to whom it would be well to elect. He remarked that as David B. Hill was already a Senator that gave representation to the country Democ- racy of the State and he thought the metropolis could we'll be represented by another Senator who should be capable of speaking ably for it's Democracy and for its business interests.
 That was not satisfactory either to Richard Croker or to Edward Murphy jr. The latter said he had been asked to become Q candidate himself and he thought he would. MT. Cleveland did not hesitate to express his opinion of
The daily morning journal and courier., 1904-12-26
SOME F0nI Arn I1UPPtES.

4
 A touching story comes from Brook lyn. Mrs. Ida N. Case. who claims to be a Christian Scientist, and able to perform cures at a distance, says she saved the lives of seven puppies owned by her sister, Mrs. Clarke, a resident of smithtown. Long Island. As the story is told Mrs. Clarke. after trying pills and lotions upon her sick pets without any seeming results of better health for the animals. wrote to her sister and begged her to give them the absent treatment. Mrs. Case says she thereupon acted upon her sisters sug- gestion. and the pups recovered their normal condition of liveliness. When a reporter asked for an explanation of the modus operandi of the treatment he says he was told that only a Christian Scientist could understand it. She ex- plained bit. however, by saying that most of the ills of flesh are begotten by fear, that the puppies were laboring un- der strain of terror, and. having ban nished this by her mental manipulation, the puppies became calm, peaceful and well.
 Good work. Fortunate puppies. We hope they are now properly barking the praises of the absent treatment.
The daily morning journal and courier., 1904-12-26

A Budapest scientist has made a cal- culation of the energy expended by earthquakes. He fends that an amount of work equal to the raising of the mass of the earth through a little less than one-fiftieth of aninch was done by each of the 200 World-shaking earthquakes registered during the eight years from 1895 to 1902. The work done spasmodi- cally by these earthquakes represents 75.oOO.OOO horsepower working continu- ally night and day.
The daily morning journal and courier., 1904-12-26

when the Gar6eld-PlGtt-conkling-Ar- thur feud is recalled, when the Piatt. Hanna-McKinley contest is recalled, when the intended interment of Roose- welt in the Vice Presidency is recalled. then the conclusion is enforced. from present circumstances. that man moves in a mysterious way his blunders to perform and that the satire of history is often the largest part of 'the morar' it enthusiastically Eagle.
The daily morning journal and courier., 1904-12-26

can congratulate herself on the fact that she has had perception enough to see the value of good roads and sense enough to set abut making them.
The daily morning journal and courier., 1904-12-26

good fame. MT. Roosevelt isn't saying a word, and whether Platt beats odell
 or OdelI or Odel beats Platt, either way is certain to be a Rooseveltian gain.
 Yet in nothing does the President either suggest or copy Iago. The factional caracter of the State feud suggests chaos. The Roosevelt front it wears is
The daily morning journal and courier., 1904-12-26
ADVERTIsING RATES.

situations. Wants. Rents. and other small advertisements. One Cent Word each insertion. Five Cents Word for s full week.
 Display advertisements. ger inch. one insertion, s1.2o: each subsequent inser- tion. 40 cents; one week. s3-2O; one month. s10: one year. $40.
The daily morning journal and courier., 1904-12-26

The State of Pennsylvania is rich as well as great. There is about s14,OOo,OOO surplus cash in the State treasury over and above all the States liabilities, and it is feared that it may invite extrava- gant appropriations.
The daily morning journal and courier., 1904-12-26

Maxim Gorky. having been asked by publisher for sketch of his life, sent this: 1878. cobbler's apprentice; 1879, student of painting; 1882, dishwasher on board German steamer; 1883, 1885, baker; 1886, chorus singer in a travelling company; 1887, apple-seller in the streets; 1888, candidate for suicide; 1889, lawyers secretary; 1891, foot-tourist through Russia: 1893, day-laborer on the railroad. In 1894 my first novel ap- peared.''
The daily morning journal and courier., 1904-12-26

..unanimous,l The most frank and
 fluent men Republicanism ever put in to the presidency is the most silent Executive that ever was, touching a faction fight in New York. When the Conkling Fentpn feud in Johnson's and Grants presidencies is recalled, when the Conkling- Hayes feud is recalled,
The daily morning journal and courier., 1904-12-26

It is said that Boston. the modern Athens, is to have a new daily paper. the "Parthenon," written and printed in Greek.
The daily morning journal and courier., 1904-12-26

DELIVERED BY CARRIERS IN THE CITY. 12 CENTS 4 WEEK. 50 GENTS A MONTE. ss FOR SIX MONTHS. se A YEAR. THE SAME TERMS BY MALL SINGLE COPIES. 2 cENTa
The daily morning journal and courier., 1904-12-26

The four dealers have shown secre- tary Shaw that the exports have drop ped nearly one-half, being 1,S0O.OOO bar rels in october last year and less than SoO,OOO this year. Big mills are being constructed on the other side in Lon don, Belfast and other places, and Cam adian wheat and some American wheat is going over there to be ground up. They ask for an arrangement of the tariff and drawback on exported flour, made in part from imported wheat, to protect them.
The daily morning journal and courier., 1904-12-26

The necessity of tipping with a lavish hand is strongly enforced in a restau- rant near the station of Pompeii, says the London Chronicle. In prominent position is placed a gaudily framed sketch of the interior of a dining room, with two clients taking their departure One of them, overlooking individ- ual, is struggling into his overcoat, while two walters stand near him, the one smiling derisively at the other, who displays tiny coin with a gesture of fierce contempt. On the opposite side of the room a guest is seen, surrounded by three walters, one helping him with his coat, another brushing his hat, the third lowing obsequiously and holding his walking stick. The moral is obvi- ous, but allowance is made for the proverbial obtuseness of northern rla- tions, and underneath the picture is in- scribed in large letters, The Results of Benevolence."
The daily morning journal and courier., 1904-12-26

Margaret Slater, of Boston, can think when she is in trouble. Charged with shoplifting, she pleaded guilty, but in assigning a reason for the larceny she said that for many years she has had an inclination to become a prison matron, and within short time 1t was her intention to apply for such posi- tion through friends, By stealing something she knew she would be lia- b1e to arrest, and the confinement in the house of detention which would fel- low. would afford her an opportunity to get an idea of the work of a prison aatron, and she would be able to de- ternine just how the women prisoners are treated.
The daily morning journal and courier., 1904-12-26

Russell Sage thinks smoking is bad habit. T overheard" he said one day recently, "a conversation that delighted me. It was conversation between a young man and his wife. He appeared to be a rather extravagant and lazy fellow. She appeared to be economical, industrious and ambitious. The wife was trying to urge the husband to give up smoking. She was pointing out to him how much in the course of a year he spent on tobacco. She was showing him that mentally, physically and fi- nancially he would be better off without the pipe. But all great men smoke, he grumbled. We'll she declared, if you'll give up smoking till you're great HI be quite satisfied.'''
The daily morning journal and courier., 1904-12-26

4nE MGEKLI JOURNAL. Issued Thursdays. One DOIlara Year.
The daily morning journal and courier., 1904-12-26

THE OLDEST DAILY PAPER PUB LIsHED IN CONNECTICUT.