The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1904-08-31

III
There are some enthusiasts who are
claiming that the next great boon to man
are right, it will be a sad but glorious
day for the laundry trust, but the paper
trust will be eating strawberries in jan
uary. Buy Paper stock. This tip costs
you nothing.
There is nothing improbable in the idea
OF paper clothes Paper of suitable tex
ture can be SO treated as to give it any
desired degree of porosity and power Of
absorption, and there would be no trouble
about colors, thickness and general ap-
pearance. What it would cost to make
is as yet unknown. Such clothes would
be thrown away after use and would
never find their way to the laundry.
Even in Japan whence came the first
paper napkins, there is no paper clothing.
Looking into the future, we can see
that person in paper would have to be
bit careful not to be caught out in a
heavy rain or he would soon be looking
like withered chrysanthemum. AS
would the papered hero who leaps into the
water to rescue the beautiful maiden.
Imagine his bedraggled and ripped-up-
the-back appearance. 1t would be far
from heroic, as he hands :. the fainting
maiden over to papa and modestly walks
away after refusing to give his name to
the reporters
There are other sad chances that might
DETAIL a man in paper. While in swim
ming the tramp would exchange suits
with him and leave a bunch of garments
of cheap wall paper design so that he
would have to go home looking like 10
cents roll with leak in the ceiling.
Then there is the question of 40 below
and you caught out In tissue paper under
10
overcoat! Boo!
No, the world is not yet prepared for
the great change from cloth to paper.
What would become of our tailors?
If you don't put in your coal today
the coal man will fine you again.
The statement Of Uncle Russell Sage
that no man can make 1000, 900 honestly
may be all right but what gets us is
how any man can make a thousand hon
estly.
Joseph B. Folk democrat, says a demo
cratic boodler looks just as bad to hin
as a republican boodler. Joseph may be
a statesman, but he is no kind Of poll
tician.
Walt Mason complains bitterly of the
man who takes advantage of every little
incident to impart useful information
there is a dog fight in town, he writes tt
the papers tracing the history of the dog:
back to the times of the garden of Eden
if a, falling star is seen In the armament
he Will stand around for a week boring hi
friends concerning astronomy, and tn,
solar system, and ATTITUDES and longitudes
and parallaXes, and things like those. Mr.
Mason then gives this case in point:
Last Fourth of July we joined a 1ittl
orfx, of
a balloon, and this man was among them
| The balloon was cut loose, and soaret
away UP about 500 miles, until the eartl
| liked like a marble; and then something
went wrong and we all jumped out of tn,
basket to save ourselves The trip dowl
took about half an hour; it would hav
been enjoyable only for that man: as w
all went swishing doWnWards at the rat
of several miles minute, that man KEEP
up continual lecture about atmosphere
pressure, resistance, friction and suc]
things, and spoiled the trip for every
body. The whole crowd fell into the rive
| just above the dam, and, as they Wer
washed over that obstruction, the Dor
| foated around on an old barrel an
jawed away about the density and re
fractive power of water, and all sucl
| things. 1t was sickenng. If that MAJ
was burning at the stake he would ex
plain to his prosecutors all about the tru
1nWardneSS OF combustion, and make thei
sufferings equal to his own
While it is feared that Mr.. Mason ha
exaggerated his sufferings we can all ap
preciate his point of view. What is tn
| encyclopedias FOR, if some intellectual os
trich Is going to carry it all in his with
cred and wearied old brain? Thank heav
en- there are whole lots of things that W
don't want to know or to remember, if w
ever did know them. What is the use Q
being a living logarithrn table with leg
and a digestive apparatus? We are her
for fun!
Did you ever notice that if you ar
sick or hurt all by yourself, you ar
never quite badly off you are wfe
some one is around to sympathize or t
wait on you? The story OF the little gil
who hurt herself near the barn and di
not cry until she arrived at the house an
saw her mother, is to the point
why" said her mother, "you hu1
yourself away down at the barn, but 70
didn't cry until you saw me. How
that?"
! '.Wer, you see, mother, there WASH
anybody down there to hear me cry, so
stored it up till saw somebody
AS we are all children grown up yo
just notice, the next time you are sicl
how much worse off you make yourse
out to be when there is some one aroun
to whom you can confide your awful cor
dition. A. j. R.