The Farmville herald. [volume] (Farmville, Va.) 1890-1934, 1904-06-24
JOBSON HAS GRIP.

Jobsou emitted his latest burst Of e.o-
quence on the subject Of the disease
known as the grip Mrs Jobson had the
grip then Mr. Jobson seized the occa.
sion when the medical man was making
one Of his calls 10 advance his theories
concerning the grip Mr Jobson took
the view. then. as he had been taking Il
for a good many years-for he had never
been doubled up By the grip himself
that the grip. or influenza. was a purely
imaginary disease.
You medical sharps. said Mr. Job
son 70 the doctor attending Mrs Jobson
who had been acquainted with the Job
sons for a good many years. find the
public pretty easy picking when the cold
weather's on, don't your"
"Oh. the public's pretty easy for VI all
the time. Jobson." replied the medical
man. good naturedly.
All you've got 10 do" went on Mr.
Jobson. when q fellow feels kind o.
measly and out Of sorts. Is 10 look him
over for about half minute and then get
your basso profundo voices working
while you tell him that he's got the grip.
Then you've got the poor idiot for good
thing on your stan Of patients for any
space Of time from q couple Of weeks %
two months. and when you finally con-
sent TO Jet him get up-although there's
never been anything the matter with
him worth mentioning-you have actu-
ally succeeded IN convincing him that
he's really been through q sure-enough
sickness, and he more than turns hand
springs in order TO square up that two
dollars the visit thing that you soak him
for"
IT was a doctor. Jobson. who invented
that phrase about one of those good
things being born every minute" cheer
fully got back the medical man. as be
took bis leave
About ten days ago Mr. Jobson began
70 look hoilow-eyed and 20 complain Of
that "all-gone" feeling
Don't know what the dickens has got
into ne" be Tovled at the breakfast
table one morning. but feel as II I'd
been on one consecutive rummifer0us
1amboree. without a fve-minute inter-
mission. for four years Bones all ache
az II I was ten years old and growing an
inch a month. my hearing Is so bad that
! can't even hear people Offering ne
money. have a chill one minute and
feel as II ia gone 10 purgatory the next
my head feels as heavy as two dozen Of
a kind Of muffin that I've tasted not 1000
miles from here. and. IN general. "a sell
myself al public auction. without re-
serve. and no bid refused. az a starting
price OF half a Jap yen with hole init." D"
Probably" said Mrs Jobson. eau
uously. you have taken cold"
Gold nothing" said Mr. Jobson. out
Of hapd-lt IS one Of the mean charac-
teristics OF the grip that II Affects is
victims memories and renders them alb
surdly inconsistent. u know what's
the matter with me. I've got the grip,
that's what I've got"
The whst7' stammered Mrs Jobson.
amazed at this startling change Of opin-
ion even Oh the part Of Mr. Jobson within
such a brief space OF time.
The grip. grip" snapped Mr job
son. looking her square IN the eye
Ever hear Of the grip7 Perhaps you'd
rather called u Ia grippe or the infu-
enza. or .he diseasicus cussitavus. or
something. But whatever you'd prefer
10 hear u called. I've got Il. and I've got
Il bad. and guess It's a pretty good
thing for you that I've kept that life
insurance policy paid up all Of these
years. don't see my way out Of this
grip thing. Kills slathers and sleWs Of
men Of my age. Attacks them IN their
weakest spot. wherever that may be.
and when that happens It's all UP with
EN-"
But" said Mrs. Jobson. IN spite Of
herself. didn't you say. only about
three weeks ago. when was first taken
with the grip. that there was no such
thing. and that II vas purely imaginary,
and didn't you tell the doctor himself
that all Of the members Of his profession
were frauds and fakes because they
taught people 20 believe that there was
such a thing as the grip. and"
Mr.. Jobson didn't fare up IN his ao-
customed way. He had been gazing
compassionately into Mrs. Jobson's face
ever since she had begun 10 speak. and
now be did q very peculiar thing. He
took her face between his hands and
stroked her cheeks tenderly.
Poor girl" he muttered. the grip
certainly has left you IN a bad way.
had heard that Il affected peoples
minds IN that way, but never saw Il
illustrated so before So you dreamed,
eh. that had said that there wasno such
a thing as grip. and the dream has now
taken the form OF g fixed idea In your
mindf Poor old girl; you need change.
all right. 70 get these grip-implanted
hallucinations out Of your mind. and as
soon as you get through patching me up
and pull ne through ny little dose OF the
grip In going 20 take you Of for a little
trip-I sure am"
Mrs. Jobson telephoned for the doc
tor. for she knew that any time Mr.. Job
son passed up such a royal chance for an
argument and a grovl he was honest
and-truly under the weather.
We'll. old chap" said the medical
man. bustllng into the room half an hour
later. what seems 20 be the matter with
you, hey?"
Got the grip. doc. replied Mr. job
son, ruefully. turning over IN bed.
The doctor gave a gasp Of surprise.
Then be smiled al Mrs. Jobson. and. as
a very old friend. as also winked al her.
by the way" be said, "Jobson, when
did you begin 10 admit the existence Of
such g thing as the gripi"
"Oh. bout yesterday or the day be-