Arizona republican., 1904-03-31
DON'T BE PREcIPlTATE.
The Man Who Whittles Seldom Makes
 Mistake.


 Now. young man hevin' got a good aidge on my knife and got hold of a piece of Michigan pine, I want to do some talkin' and whlttiin', and before I git through maybe shall hev given you a p'inter or two worth heedin'.
 You've grown up to be about twenty two years old. How on airth you did it you can't make out. and you some times wonder why the world did not stand still or bust up. You've got through with the swell-head. calf-love and smart Aleck epochs, though you came mighty near dyin' of your smart ness three or four times, and now you're courtin' a gal and thinkin' of matrimony.
 You are stuck on her face and figger. You ike the way she nips along and you sir up nights to think about her hair and her eyes and her teeth. You've about made up your mind that she's the only one on earth for you. and that if she fell down the cellar stairs and broke her neck your future would be one long. black midnight.
 Let's whittle, my sonr-let's whittle. and talk 1t over ieetle. I was once in est sieh a state O. mind as you are. She had golden hair and peachy cheeks and teeth as white as new basswood. hadn't learnt to whittle then, and so couldn't see further than my nose. loved and courted and sighed. and lost my appetite for corned beef and the darlin' of my heart finally took pity on me and married me. 1t would hev bin jest about as well if had hired some- one to hit me on the head with a maui. We fit and tangled and quarreled for a year and then separated
 Take your case. Kin the gal sew, and wash. and bake and darn? Kin she darn the heels of your socks so they won't rub? Does she know whether coffee orter be boiled fifteen minutes or not at all? Kin she make a bed. com pound a puddin'. or broil a beefsteak? |? You ain't sayln' nothin. but thinkin' to yourself that she'll never hev these things to do, because you are airnin' s20 or ,24 a week.
 Don't be too sartin. young man. We bob up and bob down in this world. started life with s50O0 cash behind me, and wouldn't look at anything poorer than Wilton carpets, but in less than two years a patent churn man had all my money and rag carpets were good enough for me. You kin climb right up the ladder until you kin draw a check az big as barn door, and then have a dozen servants to help you breathe but agsin, you make take a slide down the roof and bring up with sich a jar that the old clothes sent on by your relatives will look like new.
 And what do you really know of the gal. anyway? You've diskivered that she wears a number six glove and a number two shoe, and that she kiR sing and play the pianer. Maybe she kin git off a French word now and then. or bob about so cutely that you wonder why she didn't take to the stage and become a great actress. She's got to callin' you Dick by this time and she speaks the name with such a cute little lisp that you want buy her a dia . mond ring every time she does It.
 That's all you know about her, and 1t hasn't struck you that you ought to know any more. That's becase you haven't sot down and whittled and got your thinkin' masheen to work If you had you'd hev wondered what effect setback would have on her disposition. You'd have tried to figger out how she would take to s2.50 shoes and s4 hats. You'd have pictured her gittin' break fast some mornin' with a kid a wailin' and you scrapin' around for coal
 It hain't struck you. my son, that the Idol of your heart has got opinyuns and likes and dislikes of her own, and that she's goin' to show 'em out plain before she's married three months You'll find it so, however. and you may hev to knuckle under or find a row on your hands. She'd give in to you now, same as you would to her. if you said black was white, but she's got her gun loaded for bar. and don't you forgit it. You haven't obsarved the slightest hint of temper about her, and sometimes you've been a little disapp1nted that she didn't sass back, but your time Is comin' and there's a surprise party on the way.
 There never was any doubt In my mind that natur' meant for the hus- band to boss the roost, but there is a good deal of doubt as to whether more'n half of 'em ever git that far They find 1t heap easier to sit around and keep shet.
 That first wife of mine was so ten der hearted that she'd chloroform a skeeter to death instead of hittin' him with an ax, and yit we hadn't been married six months when she pulled my hair out by the handful. She'd get up at midnight to let a homeless cat into the house. but the honeymoon was hardly over when she turned me out at o'clock of a winters mornin'.
 And about yourself, young man. It's all gun1drops now, and there is a soft Durrin' in your ears and your fur is being stroked the right way. How's it goin' to be six months after marriage, when you find the coal out. the gas bill due and the landlord sayin' that the rent Is week over time? When the coffee is slops and the steak burn ed up--the taters full of Jumps and the biscuit lead, are you goin' to look across the table and tell your idol that you want to die for her? The chances are fhof will