The San Francisco call., 1904-06-26
CHOICE LOT
OF OLD JOKES
Found in a Collection of
Old Almanacs Presented to
Missouri Historical Society
SOME HEADED ORIGINAL
Others Thought to Be Of
Extraordinary Merit Are
CaptiOned "Very Funny"

ical Society by w. H Thomson of near
Columbia. The aImanacs are los in
number and date from 1895 up to the
present time, there being one for each
year. Included in the collection are two
volumes of the Western Comick Alma
mack" published in Cincinnati in 1884
and 1895, by N. & G.. Guilford & Co.
and Hubbard & Emmands.
Although some Of the earlier alma
macs contain jokes and so-called hu-
morous anecdotes, these two volumes
are the oldest in the library which are
devoted exclusively TO jokes. AS an aid
in tracing the pedigrees Of present-day
jokes, the volumes will prove invaIua-
BILE
In the almanac for 1904 quite a large
space is devoted to original jokes. wit
ty remarks and humorous anecdotes"
Some of the jokes found in this number
are still answering. and have appeared
in recent humorous publications as
original. The jokes are not accOmpa-
MED by any key or chart, but so as to
make the humor Of the joke readily ap-
parent to the reader they are all pub
lished under the headings Of "humor"
and the parts OF the anecdotes sup
posed to be funny were printed in ital-
les. Some of the jokes which were
thought exceptionally good were print
ed under the head Very Funny"
There is nothing to indicate the au-
thorship Of any OF the jokes. Some OF
the very funny" jokes which appear in
the almanac Of 1904 were as follows:
JUDGE NEEDED HEADING.
"a dull Judge of the inferior courts
Of a sister State, having attended to a
variety of causes in the morning, went
to dine at a friends house with a most
excellent appetite. Among the COM
pany was a witty barrister. The
judge, eating very heartily of a dish
OF salmon, observed that he had filed
himself so full that he needed hopping.
Your Honor is much more in want
OF heading replied the witty barris-
ter"
"A professor, lecturing on heat OBJ
served that one OF its most conspicuous
properties was the power Of expanding
all bodies. A humorous student rose in
his seat and asked: Is that the rea-
son the days in warm weather are
longer than those in cold?"
Mr.. Hare and Mr.. Fox had apart
ments in the same house and each had
frequent visits from the bailiffs. One
morning, as he was looking out OF his
window, Mr.. Fox saw two OF them at
the door. Pray, gentlemen says he,
are you Fox hunting or Hare hunting
this morning?'"
'In a newly raised corps a soldier
lately observed to his comrade, who
was an Irishman, that a corporal was
TO be dismissed from the regiment
Faith and indeed said the Irishman-
hope II is the corporal who Is 50
troublesome IN our company What
is his name?' replied the other. Why,
corporal punishment, to be sure re-
piled Pat.
"a person who could not read a syl-
liable took I'D a newspaper in a New
York coffee-house, and, holding it up
side down, pretended to peruse the ship
advertisements on the first page with
great attention. What news? in
quired a bystander. There has been
a great storm in the West Indies re-
piled the reader; the vessels are all
upset."
MERRY ANDREWS" RETORT.
"A country squire asked Merry An
drew why he was playing the fool.
For the same reason you do said he.
out OF want. You do 1t for want OF
wit, 1 for want OF money"
The jokes which appear IN the al
manacs of 1884 and 1885 are illustrated
with comic pictures, most OF which
are highly exaggerated caricatures.
Some Of the jokes, humorous remarks,
puns and witticisms which were per-
petrated In the Western Comick Al
manack In 1884, and which have not
yet outlived their usefulness, are the
following:
"As a broker was folding some bank
bills a wag observed: You must grow
rich fast. perceive you readily double
your money"
"a poor country hawker, being de-
tected in the act OF shooting butcher
bird, was taken before a justice. so,
fellow cried the justice. you see it
to shoot without a license. do your
oh, no, your Honor said the offender.
I have a license for hawking So say
Ing, he handed his peddler's license,
and the bird shot being a hawk, he
was discharged"
When Alexander Gun was discharg-
ed from the Edinburg custom house the
entry made against his name was: "A
Gun, discharged for making a false
report
"An undertaken, being asked what
his business was, replied: I follow the
physicians profession st. Louis Re-