Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1904-05-16
DAILY SHORT STORY
Mrs. SWimbIadder.
[Originai.J


nature; that another is 4 faculty for
noting real circumstances Illustrative
of common idiOsyncrasies and weaving
them into literary work. That may be,
but there's Il lot of risk in il. People
love to read about their neighbOrS' fol-
bles. but you just let them fancy them
selves held up in the same way, and if
the fur doesn't fly | have no knowledge
of human nature.
Now, had an inkling before l COM
menced 10 write that ia better keep
off from actual people and actual Oc-
currences. This adhered to. | took n
great deal of pains to get names for
my characters that didn't belong TO
any one. AS for actual incidents. the
only ones that came under my ObServa-
ton We're those pertaining to my own
wife. Mrs. Moss. As she didn't object
l resolved to draw my incidents from
home.
Now, one would say that such q
course would be perfectly safe, and if
there were no trouble accruing from
my home delineatiOns there would be
none from any other source. 1t seemed
To me that all had to do was to find Il
name for Mrs. Moss. and to make as
surance dOubly sure l determined to
find one that would not be claimed by
any one. In book on physiology |
found mention of the swim bladder of
fishes. 1t occurred to me that if any
one had been born under the name of
Swimbladder he or she would certainly
81, til, 4 -
changed. l determined to portray my
wife's humanity under the name of
Mrs. Swlmbladder. L would pose as
Mr.. Swimbladder.
Trouble began with my first article.
When one morning at the breakfast ia
bic Mrs. Moss was finding fault with
her dearest friend l remarked that q
safe rule for our guidance was to first
look within ourselves to be sure thai
we We're not ourselves at fault. She
replied that il would be impossible for
me to have said anything that more
clearly applied TO myself. adding thai
it was singular how people could never
see their own weakness and never take
their own advice. 1t occurred to me
that this was nice point in human
nature, and | wove it into my morn |
ing's work. This, my first paper on
domestic points, was accepted and was
printed the next Sunday morning i'll
the magazine part of Il newspaper.
On Monday morning as l stepped out
on TO the front steps l found my next
door neighbOr, with whom | had no
acquaintance, standing on his door
step. He WAS there waiting for me.
Are you Moss:' he asked ominousiy. |
81 am Mr.. Moss" l replied, nettlcG |
at his incivllity. .......
well, l want to give you my opinion |
of Il man who will listen to what his |
neighbOrs say to each other and write |
'em UP in the newspapers"
81 don't understand you. sir
Last week NY wife snubbcd me by |
telling me that instead of looking for |
other peoples faults I'd better take no |
tice of my own. We were sitting in |
an open window and could easily be |
heard from window in your house |
Yesterday l found my wife ridiculed |
in II morning paper under the name of |
Mrs. Swimbladder."
II the accusing angel who flies up |
TO heavens chancery had written down |
my name Martin Moss, murderer. |
would not have been more astonished |
l assured the man that had not re-
ferred to his family. but he laughed |
me to scorn. only lie Glarcd and growl- |
ed instead of laughing, and remarked |
that If l ever did 1t again he would |
take it out of my hide"
This beginning was not reassuring.
but, thinking ii to be Il coincidence, l |
kept close to Mrs. Moss and my own
fOibles. In a few weeks my wife re-
ceived n note from one of her best
friends saying that she did not longer
wish the acquaintance of n woman
who had nothing better to do than to
go tattling to her husband instances
that had occurred in the families of
her friends. This was another dasher.
but. as the HOosier poet says:
Il chawed on
Within another month my wife and
began to notice that our friends We're !
dropping us from their invitations. and
rs time went on they did not happen |
to be looking our way when we passed
them on the street. My articles were
in great demand, and l received invita-
tons 10 write for numerous period
IcalS, but l found that we were very
much alone in the world. and my wife
began TO complain that life under Il
ban was not worth living. Then il oc-
Cured 10 me that the commonplace in
cidents of our lives are peculiar to
those of other families. But, to repeat
the words of the poet:
Il chawed on"
The end came in this wise: AS
from my door one afternoon
received n blow that falled me on
the steps. When l recovered my senses
looked up and saw a bury man
over me ready to punch me
gain when I got up.
For heavens sake"' 1 exclaimed.
Who are you. and what grudge have
you against me-"
'Grudge! Grudge enough. I'm John
htoHInr tho r,o,, -bn-a ]