davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The San Francisco call., 1904-02-07

pitaole mitt 10 all such uninteresting
and vulgar matters as murders. train
wrecks and elections in Mississippi.
The best place on the front page should
be given up to a lengthy account Of
the proceedings Of the last meeting OF
the Association for the Suppression Of
Human Nature and Dissemination Of
Gray Matter and all the editorials
should deal with subjects like the De-
velopment Of the Subliminal Conscious
ness Of Typewriters or the Nature OF
the Radioactive Emanations Of Cana
dian ThistIes- News should be a nufs-
snce and the people should be edu-
Gated TO read not what they wanted,
but what they ought to read.
In pursuance of this philanthropic
plan for the cultivation of a polite and
informing journalism he offered the
managing editorship to that we'll
known scientist, Professor Micropho-
bus, late Of the University OF Schweit-
zerkase in Germany. and his chief
leader writer was Professor Probeit of
the chair Of Unessentials In Podunk
College. Only college graduates whose
sheepskins had a summa cum laude la
bel attached were TO be allowed to
gather what passed for news with Ho-
race Greeley. In order that there might
be no doubt as to the high and exalted
character OF his mission he named his
paper the Daily Judge. Unkind critics
said that it was because the better the
Judge the more difficult it was to buy
him.
Having gathered together his force
OF spectacles and encyclopedias who
were to assist him in spreading his gos-
pei of unnecessary and unreliable
knowledge over the face OF the earth
he bought a few presses and instructed
his men to get busy. His career from
this time on was living exemplifca-
ton of the truth that it is possible to
lead an equine quadruped to water. but
ii is a very difficult matter TO make him
buy a newspaper that he doesn't want.
A glance at the back files OF the Daily
Judge will show why Horace Greeley's
paper wasn't the unqualified success
that that worthy gentleman was sure
il would be. A war broke out between
two alleged South American republics,
The San Francisco call., 1904-02-07

tells and effects from him, and that In
consideration OF the delivery unto her
Of the said sundry and divers goods,
chattels and effects. she had by insinu-
alton, intimidation, fnnuendo, utter
ance. action. pledge and promise caused
him to feel, believe, imagine, infer and
conclude by both inductive and de-
ductive reasoning that he was to 4c-
quire and attain exclusive title, owner
ship. mastery and proprietorship OF her
heart, and that he and he only was
TO reserve to himself full power, con-
tCUl. domain and command over the
sid heart, and that he, and he only
vas to be and to be known as the sole
and only lord, master. king. floor
walker and main squeeze Of the said
Lucille.
He said ii was up to Lucille TO call all
bets off with Rufus Hasson and TO in
form him that 1t would be good for him
to open up negotiations in some other
cline He remarked that no gentleman
would trespass upon another's pre-
serves, especially when mo Hunting"
pIacards IN Tiffany settings were shin
ing all over the premises, and that he
would take a fall out OF the afore-men-
toned Rufus Hasson IL he did not show
a high rate OF speed In transferring his
affections TO some other brain-con-
fuser.
When Luther eased up to catch a
breath OF air Lucille gazed meditatively
upon her JeweIed hands and said: My
dear, tits your own fault. In the early
part Of the going you were winning on
the bit The pace you set was bewitch-
ing. fascinating and enhancing. II was
faultless IN every detail The presents
were coming thick and fast. and II
looked as though you could go the full
distance without pulling up lame But
no, you couldn't You were all in be-
fore the heavy going came in sight
While I ike you, and am grateful to
you for the presents, I can never for
give you for the humiliation you have
caused me to suffer by playing your
hand out so early in the game. shall
always take great pleasure IN speaking
kindly OF you for your goodness in the
past, but opine that would expert
ence quite some difficulty II I endeav-
ored TO bask my feathers in the sun
shine OF yesterday. So I guess II be-
hooves me to play the rest OF my hand
out with Rufus Hasson-"
Moral: You cannot win on a hand
that has once been played
The San Francisco call., 1904-02-07
THE MAKING OF
AJOURNALIST
Fable for the Foolish

N HERE are only two things that
every free-born American citi-
zen feels himself perfectly com
4 petent 70 do. One is TO hold
down almost any old Office that he can
get himself appointed or elected 10, and
the other that he could run a news
paper II he had the chance. The lat
ter fcnd illusion is the only barrier
that stands between many q man and
absolute loss OF self-respect. II il were
not for the privilege Of writing letters
70 various and suncry editors assuring
them that they are On a straight road
70 an asylum for the feeble-minded, the
ranks OF the unemployed would be
doubled, and II Il were not for the
other fond belief that every man is a
naturally qualified ofce-holder the oc-
cupations OF grand juries and Congress
sionaI investigating committees would
be gone.
II Is one Of the manifestations Of the
running newspapers are the only men
now IN existence who are totally un-
qualified for the positions which they
occupy, although the woods are full Of
men who could hold up the torch Of
liberty and spread the blessings Of a
free and enlightened press broadcast
over the land and contribute to the dis
semination Of intelligence and. inform
the world a. TO the score OF the last
baseball game or the result OF the last
prizehght, and perform the many other
arduous and necessary duties that fall
20 the lot OF the newspaper chauffeur.
Il was Horace Greeley Jones idea that
he had been picked out by providence
TO show the world how a newspaper
should be run. until he tried It. Hav-
ing had the wisdom to choose a man
for father who had gathered unto him
self rather more than a fair share OF
this worlds gear, he was not under the
necessity OF taking it out in letters to
the editor. but could get into the ring
and put on the journalistic gloves him
self.
II was his idea that a newspaper
should be the leader in every high en-
terprise and noble endeavor. and that
III should extend the chilly and inhos-
The San Francisco call., 1904-02-07

III. prosase side of life gives us the solid comfort,
but the helps out the thrills and the real live
sensations
People who are built on cold storage lines think
they good. because they have never been thawed
Train yourself never to see hear anything that
others do not want you to or hear. 1t may work
your salvation by enabling you to live il peace
with both saints and sinners.
1t is smart woman who can dress and appear in
manner that keeps her friends guessing
Gratitude never travels on the lightning express.
(Prefers the limted)
is not measured by what he thinks he knows
but by what he proves he knows
An envious spirit makes woman ugly that even
beauty paror is hopeless
The most insuferable nuisance is the man who
thinks himself smart enough a comic supplement-
to your best story.
If woman thought before she spoke once she
would never have time do her taking
People who think themselves wise sometimes wake
up to find themselves otherwise
why sini" Oh 90 ask the other fellow
A dead politician is the deadest kind Of dead one
yet you can't make the corpse believe it.
If you spend your time working on thank you"
jobs you will never have anything else to spend.
self-msde thinks he has accomplished a real
work Of art, while other people think he has only
issued very cheap chrome.
If you notice your friends often treat you as you
running perpetual free lunch counter.
man has little way of forgetting many things
that he should remember Ito mail his wife's letters
beg pardonD
Little Miss Mufet thought she would rough it.
And sleep in the cold air,
An owl espied her
And few down beside her,
And gave a loud hoot,
Miss Mufet did scoot
And hid meath the old vacant chair.
Wasn't it sad?
The San Francisco call., 1904-02-07

It is always the kitty who ne-ows tn. Ioudest
that catches the most mice.
Discretion is the gentle art of not being found out
: Should propose1 Poor man. the Lord
have mercy on his soul.
Some people think themselves too good for this
world; but as long as they have to stay here thev
IN the time by making it pretty for others
A woman with fur-lined voice is not always as
soft and warm as she
a unique way for woman to propose: Come and
be saved"
Some people born unlucky. others are born just
plain ordinary fools.
We go ahead unconscious of danger until we wake
Up with awful jolt
At the New Years reception, in Washington, the
President really does know whether he is real
gentleman or just an old-fashioned pump
To create opportunities and later to develop them
requires the skill of juggler.
The secret of matrimonial happiness lies in satisfy
ing the brain well as the heart.
Ownership robs possession OF all value
woman's silence is often more ominous than the
weird diapason OF her chin music
The philznthropist who gives thousands for build
ings that must bear his name never allows his calm
10 be disturbed by tales OF starving women and
children.
A man would fall over his mother in his eager
ness bow handsome woman on the street
There is more Christianity in Live and let live"
than IS found in nnetenths Of fashionable sermons
When give woman all that she
wants, she thinks that he has ceased to love her.
Even real zero-weather stunt cannot cool off some
people
Some people small that bird cage would
be smphitheater for them
IF Caesar had not crossed that old Rubicon lots of
people would have baked the of side even unto
this day and generation.
The Globe-republican., 1904-09-08
HAY KEEPS At THEM.
He Wants Russians 10 Return Captured
Steamers and Cargoes.

Washington, Sept. TAT the state
department confirmation Is obtained
of the statement Of st. Petersburg that
the government is asking for the re-
lease Of the cargoes and steamers
Vladivostok squadron. The Calchas,
though British vessel, had an Amer
lean cargo on board.
The state department all along has
contended that foodstuff not direct
ly consigned to the forces Of bel
ligerent are not eontraband Of war,
and has pressed this view upon the
Russian government. There are no
recent developments in the case Of
the cargoes and the steamers men
toned and in view Of the indeclslon
Of the Russian commission engaged
on the question immediate action is
not expected, The disposition Of high
officials as viewed In Washington
seems to be to treat the matter Of
foodstuffs being contraband from the
standpoint Of policy rather than from
the well defined rules of international
law,
The Globe-republican., 1904-09-08

SICKNESS IN RUSSIAN RANKS
Should Mukden be Evacuated, There
Would be no Point for Wlntering
the Army Of a Quarter Of a Million,
With Its Many Wounded, Short Of
Hardin.

The forces Of Kuropatkin and Oya-
ma are racing for Mukden. This much
stands out and is indicated by a re-
port forwarded by Kuropatkin who
says that his retreat is Icing con-
Quoted In perfect order
A strong Japanese fanking column
is about thirty miles northeast Of Lao
Yang and is trying to get between the
Russian forces and Mukden.
With this race in progress, there
comes a brief dispatch from Mukden,
saying that preparations for the evac-
uation of that place are proceeding,
This report, If well founded, would
mean the abandonment of the whole
of Southern Manchuria and the wind
ing up of the present campaign.
1t was reported in st. Petersburg
that Kuropatkin's rear guard had been
almost annihilated, and that the main
Russian army was in danger Of being
surrounded.
Kuropatkin in his report makes no
mention Of the abandonment of 200
guns at Liao Yang a rumor to which
effect is in circulation.
neutrality-suspicious. for the evac-
uatlon Of Mukden are proceeding.
The Japanese advance is within a
few miles.
st. Petersburg,-It is impossible at
this hour to obtain any statement from
the authorities regarding the reported
preparations for the abandonment of
Mukden.
In fact, should Mukden be evacu-
ated, there would be no point for win
tering the army Of quarter Of a mil
lion, with its many wounded, short
Of Hardin.
On the other hand, the evacuation
Of Mukden would give Field Marshal
0yama commodious winter quarters
and the practical control of two
lines of railway. The Kinchou-
Sinmintin, tapping a rich Chinese
territory, stops little short of Mukden,
with which it is connected by a good
wagon road.
The report of the prospective evacu-
alton Of Mukden, if well founded,
would indicate tina. The crippling ef-
feet of the Lao Yang fighting on Kur-
opatkin's army is more serious than
has as yet been indicated.
A Chinese official who arrived from
Mukden says that the Russian troops
are leaving for the north, that there
are $4,000 men ten miles to the east
Of the city, that the officers and men
have become dispirited, and that much
sickness prevails.
The Globe-republican., 1904-09-08
KAR0yPS SUCCESSFUL RAID.
Captured a Majority Of Russian POSI-.
tlons al SikWantung.

st. Petersburg, Sept Con the
night of September 1, General Kuroki
attacked Sikwantung, eleven miles
east of Lao Yang and captured a ma
jority of the Russian positions, the oc-
cupation Of which was completed on
the night Of September 2, the Russians
retiring six miles distant.
The First Siberian Army corps was
almost surrounded. This corps pre-
viously saved General 0rloff's detach-
ment by attacking the Japanese flank
when General Orlof was threatened
with humiliation. General Orloff
was seriously wounded.
The hopes Of victory raised in
Russians breasts by the telegram
from the commander-in-chief published
saying that the Russians had advanc-
ed against General Kuroki on Friday
and that an attack on the Russian
right had been repulsed, proved short
lived
The Globe-republican., 1904-09-08
ARE GETTING TOGETHER
MAY SETTLE STRIKE

time for 1t to be reported at a special
meeting Of the allied trades council.
If the packers give encouraging assur.
ances to the strikers, messengers will
be sent out at once to gatherings Of
the local bodies. The unions, 1t Is
said, will then vote on disseminating
the strike and their referendum vote
will be reported at once to the meet
ing Of the allied trades council.
All the unions now ask Of the pack
ers is that they employ as many Of
the strikers as they can give work to
and give the preference to the former
employees in the future. As many Of
the new workers as wish to remain
to be retained. Wages Of the skilled
men are to remain at the rate paid be.
fore the strike.
The Globe-republican., 1904-09-08
cHlcKAsAW LEGISLATURE.
Couldn't lnaugurate New Governor
as Ballots Were Locked Up.

Tishomingo, l. T., Sept. THE tri-
bal legislature Of the Chickasaw ma
lion met in regular session. The house
organized temporarily by electing G,
H. Brown, the speaker at the last ses-
sion, as temporary speaker,and Fetch
er Williams, of Tishomingo, secretary,
and Simon Keel, Of Pickens county,
sergeant-at-arms. The senate effected
permanent organization. Martin Che.
adle, Of Tishomingo, was elected pres
ident of the senate; Oscar White of
Tishomingo, secretary; George Col
bert Of Stonewall, interpreter, and
Robert Humes, of Woodville sergeant
alarms.
The specific business Of the legis.
lature was to canvas the returns Of
the recent election and declare the re.
suit for governor. 1t was found,
much to the chagrin Of that body. that
the ballots were locked up, and, this
prevented the inauguration Of Doug
las H. Johnston, the newly elected gov.
ernor.
The Globe-republican., 1904-09-08

tons severely tries public confidence
in the commander-in-chief.
At this hour even the authorities
know little more than what has al
ready been given to the public. There
is still much doubt as to whether
Kuropatkin is continuing his retreat
or whether, indeed, he has been able
to do so, but the public so far is not
aware of General Stakelbergs narrow
escape from being cut off.
The situation as 1t Is known to
date is that the Russian army is south
of the branch railway connecting YEN
tai station, ten miles northeast Of
Liao Yang with the Yental mines,
where fierce fighting has been in
progress.
The Globe-republican., 1904-09-08
DEEP GLOOM IN RUSSIA
BITTER DISAPPOINTMENT

st. Petersburg, Sept. 6.-There is
bitter disappointment, probably the
keenest Of the whole campaign over
the situation at the front. Up to Lao
Yang the retreating from and the
abandonment of positions had been
expected, and that much the public
and the officials thought they knew
of General Kuropatkin's plans. Had
Liao Yang been abandoned without a
fight the public would have at least
looked forward to a decisive stand at
Mukden, but after desperate bat
tie with victory for the instant
apparently in sight, to find Lilac
Yang abandoned, its immense stores
captured or destroyed, and the retreat
continued under most adverse condi-
The Globe-republican., 1904-09-08

New York, Sept. THE reply to the
latest demand Of the elevated railroad
employees upon the PETERBOROUGH. Rap
i'd Transit company officials as to the
state of wages and hours of labor In
the new subway was made to a COM
mittee representing the unions. Pres
ident Pepper of the Amalgamated AS
ISOLATION Of Employees said: :" 1t looks
to me as if we'll get together"
The Globe-republican., 1904-09-08
LATEST WAR BULLETINS
JAPS OCCUPY LAO YANG

Army, Sept g., 8 a. m.-The remain
der of the defeated Russians are
making a stand outside the walls of
Lao Yang. Our left and center arm
les are attacking them"
Tokio.--Field Marshal Oyama re.
ports that the Russians burned their
store houses near Lao Yang. Gen
eral Kuroki, leaving a force at Sal
zuago to protect his right flank, has
swung sharply westward to reach the
rail way and envelop Lao Yang. Oya.
mas left and center armies are still
attacking the Russians south and west
of the walls of Liao Yang
Tokio.-It is officially announced
that the Japanese forces occupied Lilac
Yang at 9 o'clock Sunday morning.
The Globe-republican., 1904-09-08

Chicago, Sept, THE indications
are that the stock yards strike, begun
two months ago, will be called off.
Through the medium Of middleman,
negotiations were begun in an effort
to secure an understanding with the
packers on which the striking unions
can rely as a basis for abandoning the
strike. 1t was admitted by Secreatry
Tracy of the allied trades council on
strike, that a message opening up such
negotiations had been delivered to rep
resentatives Of the packing firms by
W. E. Skinner, general manager Of the
Union Stock Yard and Transit Com
pany, acting as middleman.
According to the plans an answer
is to be submitted by the packers in
The Globe-republican., 1904-09-08
INJURED IN RIOT.
Street Car Carrying Non.UnIon Men
Is Attacked,

East st. Louis, Sept. 3.--Several
persons were seriously injured in a
riot precipitated by the arrival near
the stock yards Of a street car carry
ing non-union men. The passengers
were attacked by a crowd Of 500 men
armed with clubs and stones. The
passengers fled for their lives. One
James johnson, suffered a fractured
skull, and several others were badly
beaten before they got away. Several
of the non-union men were pursued
and pistol battle ensued. A fusi-
lade Of shots were fired but no one
was struck. Three men were arrest
ed as a result Of the riot None is a
union member according to their
statements.
The Globe-republican., 1904-09-08

Toxic, Sept. 5.-Fighting in the vi
cinity of Lao Yang is continuing.
st. Petersburg.-It is officially an
nounced that General Kuropatkin is
retreating, that Lao Yang has been
abandoned and that General Stakel-
berg's corps has been cut off.
Berlin.-The foreign Offices has Of
fetal advices from Toxic that Gen
eral Kuropatkin's position today is by
no means desperate. The main por-
ton of his army is still heavily en-
gagged and part was drawn off sue
cessfully. The Russian army Is not
encircled.
Tokio,-The following dispatch has
been received here:
Headquarters of the Manchurian
The Globe-republican., 1904-09-08
COLONEL GLEN REPRIMANDED,
Turned In Money That Was Needed n
Meet Actual Expenses

Washington, Sept. 5.-Colonel John
M. Glen, chief quartermaster Of the
Philippine division, has been reprl.
manded by General Humphrey, quar-
ter-master general, for his action in
turning into the United States treas
ury the sum Of $4,000 as "unexpend.
ed balance" Of the appropriations for
the last fiscal year, when as stated at
the war department, the money was
actually needed to meet necessary ex-
penses for army transportation and
other work Of the quartermaster's dc.
partment. 1t is said that the service
will be embarrassed by Colonel Clem's
action, as it seriously interferes with
the work Of the quartermaster's de.
partment.
General Humphrey has informed Col.
onel Glen that his action Is disapprov-
ed and would not have been taken II
he had a proper conception Of his
duties. The money having been turned
into the treasury, Is now beyond the
control of the war department, and
the officers, and it will have to be
appropriated by congress to meet ex.
listing obligations. 1t is not unlikely
that Colonel Glen will be relieved Of
his present duties and recalled to the
United States. Colonel Glenn is one
of the heroes Of the war Of the rebel
lion, and is known as the Drummer
Boy Of the Chickamauga" because Of
his gallant conduct during that bat
tie while serving as a drummer boy
Of the Twenty.second Michigan volun.
teer infantry.
The Globe-republican., 1904-09-08
THEY REFUSE TERMS.
The Rebels In Paraguay Have Cap.
tured a City.

Beunos Ayres, Sept. S.-The Para.
guayan revolutionists have captured
villa Conception and 400 men with
arms and ammunition.
The revolutionists now refuse all
terms offered them by the government
and an attack on the capital is be-
lieved to be imminent. Argentina
has refused to recognize the insur.
gents as belligerents.
Papers received today from Asun-
cion report that all the public schools
are closed owing to the scarcity Of
food the price Of bread and biscuits
is one dollar per kilogram.
The Globe-republican., 1904-09-08
Destroy Wireless Station.

Washington, Sept. S.-Consul Fow.
Ter, at Chefoo, reports wireless tel.
egraph station dismantled. The JAP
enese previously referred to 1t as a
violation of the neutrality laws. The
Russians were supposed to use 1t in
sending messages.
The Globe-republican., 1904-09-08

Washington, Sept. 1.-THE Must.
clans Unions declared general strike
OF the members of the orchestras of
the local theaters. Three houses are
open. The men employed at two of
them went out and the performances
were given with improvsed orches-
tras, while in the case of the third
the orchestra played as usual. The
men demand a 20 per cent increase
in their pay.
The Globe-republican., 1904-09-08
Crown Prince to Wed.

Belin, Sept, 6-The newspaper Tage'
blatt announces the betrothal Of the
German Crown Prince Frederick VIII.
helm to Duchess Cecilie Of Mecklen.
burg-Schwerin, a sister Of the reign.
ing Grand Duke. The official an.
nouncement, according to the paper,
will be made In few days.
The Globe-republican., 1904-09-08
Reform Hurts Corset Trade.

A Hungarian government document
notes a great decline in the manufac.
ture Of corsets; some factories have
been closed, others have largely re-
duced their working force. 1t attrib-
utes this result to the growing Gus.
tom Of wearing reform clothing" and
to the persistent denunciation Of cor.
sets by physicians.
The Globe-republican., 1904-09-08
Chilean Port.

Talcahauno Is on the coast Of
Chile, about 275 miles south Of Val
paralso. The port stands on q bay
looking north, with two entrances di.
vided by Quirlquina Island. Vessels
anchor near the shore and load and
discharge their cargoes by means Of
lighters.
The Globe-republican., 1904-09-08
Great Good OF Unions.

Washington, Sept. 6.-President
Gompers, of the Federation Of Labor,
in his Labor day editorial, speaks of
the great good of unions and the ben.
efits organization has bestowed upon
the workingmen. He says even the
leaders and apologists for capital &C.
knowledge the good Of unions.