The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1904-01-15

"'Can you tell time demanded the law
yer.
Sure, I can tell time answered the
witness.
What time is it now, demanded the
lawyer, pointing to the clock.
The darkey studied the clock for a min
ute. Then he said he did not know what
time it was.
But L thought you could tell time.'
SAID the lawyer with anger.
"'Well, l can tell time, boss, by my
watch, said the darby, but 1 can't tell
no time by no clock"
q. c. Collins, the army secretary of the
Z. III. c. A. for the South Philippines, tells
a little story of the righteousness of the
Moro, in a letter to the headquarters Of
the International committee. He was
hiking" with Major Billiard on the trail
10 M%indanao, in the heart of the Moro
country. and had with him the invariable
accompaniment of the Y. NJ. G. A. man
with the army--a %zonophone. At Marahui
Major Billiard had some hundreds of
Moros working on a road. Desiring to
give these people some idea of American
asked the Y. M. G. A. mar to give them
a 2onophone concert. So they were seated
in a large semi-circle, while he proceeded
to set up the zonophone. ALI was quiet
until he put on the large horn, when some
nervousness was displayed among the
dLShy MdI1lOIS. III was dllayGO Wle0
the interpreter informed them that the
gun was not loaded.
After the concert one old sultan was
specially interested in the machine. Mr..
Collins asked hin why the Moros did not
make them.
N got" he replied.
Mr.. Collins pointed to the brass and
said: mo got this?"
The Moro nodded yes.
Mr.. Collins pointed to the iron, the wood.
and the cloth in succession, with the same
query, and the native chief acquiesced in
the same way for each. Finally the sec
rotary pointed to his forehead, and said:
Moro got this?"
The old fellows leathery face broke into
a grin, and he shook his head. He saw
the point.
The wise son that knows his own IA.
Their was recently exemplified by the
son of John Kendrick Bangs at a dra-
matte evening given by the author at
his Yonkers home.
The younger generation were breath
lessly gathered at the top Of the stairs.
their beribboned pigtails bobbing, their
curls %a-f1utter over the excitement Of
sitting up.
Mr.. Bangs senior was the hero. and
during the course Of the play his part
called for a denunciation Of the villain
dllu liG OllGl1IS Ol nlIuSelI a9 an aY.~
ample of total abstinence.
Jaw g'wan!" Kissed the villain.
Again, ] say, l have never touched
a drop" reiterated the hero.
This was too much for John Ken
drick junior, his sympathies quickened
by the Villains predtcament. A desire
to right wrong made him jump to his
feet, and his boyish voice rang out
with great scorn:
"Oh, dad, I saw you-just before din
ner!!"
New Workers are not SO thrifty as tn.
Philadelphians," said a customer Of Henry
Clews during a business chat on the f1nan.
cial situation.
"Oh, 1 don't know said Mr.. Clews.
What is YOU basis of calculation"
We'll, the other day I visited the
Quaker City for the first time, and was
taking a walk down Chestnut street. I
noticed a benevolent looking old gentle-
man standing on the corner. He appeared
to be a dignifed citizen who had plenty
of money and a clear conscience. said
to him:
"'Can you direct me to Fairmount
park?'
some hesitation: but I would much rather
sell you a map Of the place
NOV, that's what I call thrift, Mr..
Clews. If that Quaker lamb ever came
to Wall street I bet he wouldn't leave
any Of his fleece there"
Major q. is exceedingly fond of tn.
game of whist. On one occasion he was
speaking of the way in which adverse
luck Will some times pursue a man, and
that he once played a whole
week at the White Sulphur springs and
never held c trump. Some one in thu
suggested that that was impos-
sible. because he must have held at least
one trump every time he dealt the cards,
But the major replied:
Every time i dealt 1t was a misdeal..