Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-11-30

We dine on predlgeSted food;
Then come the talking stars.
Z Wen listen TO pretold jokes
And puff presmoked cigars.
Judge
Brethren" says a Georgia philos-
opher, take this comfort to your heart:
Even when you strike the deep waters,
you'll never drown so long as you can
kick, an holler fer rope"-Atlanta Con
stitution.
''But. auntie, I think there are worse
things than being kissed by a young
man.
What. for instance?"
"Why-er-not being kissed by 4 young
man. Houston Post.
DO you think mans Importance <
measured by his pocketbook?"
Certainly not answered Senator
Sorghum. "a pocketbook couldn't hold
enough to amount to anything. It's the
bank book that counts. '-Washingto
Star.
Ragson Tatters-Git on to de style {
| Weary, carryin' a cane an a half eye
glass. He's hobo dude fur fair, amt
| he?
! Harvard Hasben-Yes, he's what You
might call the Hobeau Brummell-
adelphia Press.
First Barber-Whew. That barn
stormer must be a bad actor.
Second Ditto-Why?
First .Barber-When I asked him if he
wanted an egg shampoo he jumped right
out of the chair and made for the door,
| Detroit Free Press.
THE Bullions are having a little retic-
ing room put in their new home, close to
| the front entrance
| whats that for?'
! That's where the guests are to be
searched before they leave the house,
| Cleveland Plain Dealer
Tommy Figgjam-Paw?
Paw Figgjam-Yes, my son.
DO they kick on the street railway
service everywhere"
mo, my son; only where they have
street cars"
OH Baltimore American.
Eyes. sir, he was the LATEST man on
record. What do you reckon he did when
his house was on fire?''
Dunno
Warmed his hands at the blaze, and
thanked God he didn't have to split the
wood for it!'-Atlanta Constitution.
"a musician out of work, are you?"
said the house keeper; well. you'll find
| a few cords in the wOodshed. Suppose
you favor me with an obligato"
Pardon the pronunciation, madam"
replied the bright tramp, ''but Chopin is
not popular with me. '-Philadelphia
| Ledger.
Miller-I say, old chap, does your wife
stidl still, call ca you by the sweet names she
Farmer-Oh, yes-that is to say, with
some slight variations. instead of
honey" for example, she now uses the
kindred term ''old beeswax. Boston
| Transcript
First Scot-What kim O. man is Me-
| Pherson?
Second Scot--A gey queer kim O. man.
| went to his heose and he askit me to
| tax some whusky. When he began to
poor it DOT I said, ''Stop! Stop!" And he
stopplt! That's the kin O man he is
The Taller.
Talk about your clever chauffeurs!
remarked the Brooklyn man. You
should see Peckham."
why, he hasn't any automobile. has
hep
On no, but you should see how he can
/ guide the baby carriage through a
crowd. Philadelphia Ledger.
She-And what did she say when you
attempted to kiss her?
He-She said she thought l was gen
tleman.
''Wen?"
"Oh, after 1 got through kissing her
she didn't think anything about il; she
knew it.'-1onkers Statesman
The Friend (who has been abroad)--
And how is your wife, old man?
EX-Husband-Oh | haven't any wife
now. She got divorce last spring and
| is now on the stage.
The Friend-Ah. an actress, Ell?
Ex-Husband-Oh no: she's merely on
the stage.-Kennebec CIe) Journal.
''It is said that the New York tragedy
where men died from drinking wood alco-
| hpl nd - II