The San Francisco call., 1904-06-26


tile boys was provoked, and l suffered.
During recess, when the boys would
play and fight, could not pass through
the schoolyard without insult. One
would gather the skirt of his coat in
his hand in the shape of pigs ear
and initiate that unclean animal as
passed; another would mimic my walk;
some one else would bespatter me with
ink blown through a straw. Nor were
these the worst pranks they played up
on me. Need say that 1 suffered? The
word suffer is not adequate to express
what l felt. 1t was not their jibes and
mockery alone that hurt me. / was
hurt as much by their injustice to my
race 1t was not me individually that
they insulted, but the great suffering
people of Israel.
Many a night, when my tormentors
were peacefully asleep. L lay in my
dark little chamber and longed for the
Ghetto and the Talmud. Several times
1 determined to give up all hopes Of be-
coming a distinguished man and go
back to the Beth -Hamedresh and the
musty folios of the Talmud. rs not
the confined Ghetto, with all its dirt
and bigotry, the safest corner for the
sensitive Jew?" 1 would ask myself
There at least, though 1 suffered
physically, 1 was not a target for
sneering and jeering and unbearable
offenses. There at least my heart and
sentiments were not wounded. The
swineherds who had beaten me were
ignorant and were therefore not quite
responsible for their inhuman act. But
now, among educated people who are
taught to reason and who boast of civ;
ilization, why should 1 feel like a
strayed lamb among a pack of wolves?
What fault do they find with me that
justifes their insults? What makes me
an object of scorn? I do not ask Of
them to love me. federation is all
pray for"
But the next morning all my yearn-
ing for knowledge would come back to
me, and would go on with my studies
with undated zeal. Though it has
never been in my nature to humble
myself before any one, learned after
a while, in spite of my pride, to walk
humbly before those brutal boys. I
even used to correct some of the stu
dents compositions before they had
been handed to the teacher. And what
recompense did 1 get for it? Smiling in
suits and tacit offenses.
After ALL 1 derived a certain benefit
from all these injuries. The misery 1
suffered through the prejudice Of my
tormentors strengthened my will; the
sneers received because 1 was. OF the
fugitive race lent courage to my timor-
Gus nature. Suffering is the best culti-
vator OF character. The wrongs
others had done to me made me realize
the wrong 1 was doing to others. Per-
secution taught me tolerance, sympa-
thy, truthfulness. justice.
After a time began to take thought
as to what profession 1 should enter. /
finally settled upon medicine, though 1
had no inclination for it. In Russia a
Jew may not do what he wishes, but
what he is permitted to do. / chose
medicine because it was the most inde-
pendent profession open 20 me.
During all the period Of study and
torture the image of Katia was con-
stantly arising in my mind. Her SOW
ereignty over me. which had lapsed
during Makes brief sway, was now
more absolute, more absorbing; it
sweetness to my existence. 1 could not
clearly see where or how I could ever
meet her again, but 1 was young, and
youth is ever hopeful. When my
teacher pronounced my verses "de-
cidedly promising" regarded this sue
cess as a partial fulhllmenr Of Katia's
mprediction that / would become a
famous poet. Then would come the
consuming ambition to realize her ex-
pectations, and 1 would study and
write more zealously than ever that 1
might become as great as Nekrassoff or
Lermontoff or Pushkin.
So several years passed-years of tor
ment. of study. of versifying, of dream
ing of Katia. On my graduation day 1
heard, as 1 once had dreamed: "A gold
medal for Ivan Petrowitch Russakoff. ="
Ephraim had graduated the year be-
fore and had gone to Kieff to study in
the university; and thither 1 also de-
cided to go.