davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1904-06-04
THE REAL FARMER.

M. K. Boyer, in the Fam Journal,
says: There are quite number of
Jokes cracked at the expense of the
farmer, or the Reuben" as city folk
delight in styling him. But after all
thecities are more crowded with gen.
ulne Reubens-two to one-than can
be found out on Gods broad acres.
Look at the list of financial wrecks
strewn along the shores of the city.
See the thousands who are "taken
IN by get-rich quick concerns, by
wl4-cat schemes, by foolhardy specu-
latiens. Who are these victims? ?
BON and raised in the backwoods and
this their first experience at making
moley without work? ?" You might
thipk so, but the truth is they are
city bred and have been raised on the
very threshold upon which they meet
sheir waterloo.
they are the men who paint the
farmer in all sorts of comic dresses
and manner they are the ones who
imagine hat the farmer is lacking in
brain power and that the life he leads
is one coltinual happy-go-lucky af-
fair-an occupation that requires no
study and which only calls for mus
cular labor.
The fact hat man was born and
raised where brick houses and pave
ments predoninate is no more proof
of intelligenc, than is ignorance es-
tablished by firth on a farm.
As an unknown writer puts it:
"The farmer d the stage and of the
humorous press is about as near like
the real farmer as the caricature of
Uncle Sam is like the real Americans.
The man who buys the gold brick is
not the ungrammatical scare-crow in
cowhide boots and ragged hat, with
little bunch of whiskers on his chin,
but the man who thinks the modern
farmer looks like that"
The truth is the American farmer
is up to date, and in most sections en-
joys most of the conveniences of the
city, and these, too, coupled with the
advantage that city folk do not have.
Electric light and gas companies
are extending their lines to the rural
districts, the electric cars go by the
farmhouse door, the telephone is found
in the country home and the free de-
livery brings the mail direct. All
these conveniences are costly in the
city; they are comparatively cheap
on the farm.
As the prosperity Of the country is
measured by its crops, the farmer
surely holds the entire situation in
his hands.
Who is to be pitied-he who is free
and independent, who enjoys puri-
ty of food, of water, of air, or he who
is slave to others, who has hand
to-mouth living, who is compelled to
eat food and drink water that savors
of adulteration and contamination,
temptations?
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1904-06-04
"TEACHER's PET" I"

Eight years old and goin' on nine,
Teacher says I'm doin' fine.
Git my lessons every day,
Hardly ever have to stay
After school fer bein' slow
Amt so very happy. though,
Cause the fellers laugh at me,
All but Johnny Baker he
Takes my side. He knows, all right,
l amt strong enough to fight,
Cause hurt myself one day
Fallin' on farmers sleigh,
And the doctor cut my side
Awful deep, and ma she cried.
And since then I'm awful thin
And, gee whiz it hurts like sin
When try to jump and run;
So you see it amt no fun
When the fellers laugh and say:
Fraidy-cat, you dassant play!"
And my eyes git kinder wet
When they call me Teachers Pet!'
Gee! They never talked that way
Till I tumbled off the sleigh;
Wunst licked three kids so quick
That it made 'em good and sick,
And uster dodge and run
Jes' as fast as any one.
Now when recess comes along
jes' wait to hear the gong
Call us back to work lot,
Cause that's all the fun I've got.
When the kids play lone old-cat,"
jes, set and hold the bat
WiShln' could cork the ball
Like uster do las fall.
Yesterday when Reddy Lee
Seen me settin' there, says he:
"Fellers, look at Teachers Pet!'
He's afraid to play, you bet,
Cause he knows I'd smash his face
All around this whole darn place!"
Johnny Baker seen me cry
And he blacked old Reddy's eye
And he made his nose DieUtl,- -too.
Gosh, wisht that could do
Somethin' good for Johnny; he
Alters does so much fer me.
Maybe 'twon't be very long
Till my side gifts good and strong.
If it ever does, bet
They won't call me Teachers Pet!'
-Mila0aukee Sentinel
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1904-06-04

"MY GOOD man" J" said the stranger,
"can you direct me to the best hos
telry in this town." well, I dunno
as we have any of them here just
now," replied the native; "but Ike
Springer's runnin' mighty good
livery stable back of the Grand Cen
tral Hotel"
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1904-06-04

owe ARE told to cast our bread on
the waters p said the young wife.
"But don't you do it." said her
husband. "A vessel might run
against it and get wrecked"
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1904-06-04

In ORDER to appreciate youth one
must get on the shady side of forty.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1904-06-04

REG1NALD-"What is the correct
thing in dogs these days, deah boy?"
Freddy-"Dog biscuit, of course. /"
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1904-06-04

"HEs GOT great scheme to ex-
terminate mosquitoes"
what is it? That idea about
petroleum ?"
"Not at all. His scheme is to
cross them with lightning bugs, so
you'll know when they're coming"
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1904-06-04

"I'vE BEEN thinking of starting in
business for myself. wonder if
there's any money in poultry?"
"Oh, yes. My wife found dime
in chickens gizzard once"
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1904-06-04
LOVE AND EGGS.

A correspondent of the Sterling
Bulletin is reciting some anecdotes of
many years ago when he was a boy
in Ohio, says the Kansas City Star.
II we'll remember" he says, "the
first girl went to see. lean tell the
very kind of a night; it was winter
time and cold. The girls mother
had put basket of eggs in the sit
ting room to keep them from freez-
ing. After we got clear of the old
folks I was sitting on one side of the
room and the girl on the other, and
after talking little she moved her
chair nearer the middle of the room,
at the same time remarking that I
seemed little distant. 1 took the
hint and got up to move my chair and
stepped into the basket ofeggs. There
must have been ten dozen, and I guess
broke every one of them. Since
then have been in the war, passed
through nine earthquakes in south
western Colorado, one Kansas cy-
clone, had the cholera, smallpox and
measles, been in two railroad wrecks,
heard Jerry Simpson speak twice, lis
tened to Carrie Nation, and had fro
zen feet, but none of these was any
comparison to the trouble l was in
when I found myself in the basket of
eggs. In trying to get out I fell and
managed to get the eggs all over N.Y.
self as we'll as the carpet. The girls
mother heard the fuss and came bulg-
ing into the room in her night dress,
and as she came she yelled: What
in thunder is.the matter?' And that
fool girl stood there laughing fit to
kill. was meek as Mary's little
lamb, and I tried to tell her I would
pay for the eggs. Pay nothing, you
green little puppy you should be at
home with your ma"
~
AT A funeral in Glasgow stranger
who had taken his seat in one of the
mourning coaches excited the curios-
ity of the other three occupants, one
Of whom at last asked him:
"Ye'll be brither O. the corp 7"
mo, I'm no brither O. the corp ?"
"Weel, then, yell be his cousin 7"
"No, I'm not that !'
"Then yell be at least frien' O.
the corp? p
"Not that, either. To tell the
truth, I've no been weel myself, and
as my doctor has ordered me some
carriage exercise I thocht this wad be
the cheapest way to TAX it."
THE LADY arose and drew her boa
tighter. "Then your answer is no?'
she said in husky tones.
my dear lady," the man remark.
ed in his gentlest manner, Il told
you eight years ago that I could moi
marry you, and 1 have not changed
my mind" F"
The lady paused in the doorway
IT will see you again in four years,
she said.
MAMMA-"My gracious {! Wha
on earth has happened to you, Viii
lie?" Willie-"Boo hoo! It's al
your fault. I've been playing will
that new boy" Mamma-"What
that little Quaker boy!" Willie
eyes, and-boo hoo-you said Qua
kers never fight"
ALWAYS AIM little higher thai
the mark-if the mark is dimple il
her chin.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1904-06-04

ALWAYS AIM little higher than
the mark-if the mark is dimple in
her chin.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1904-06-04

"HE PROPOSED to her as joke"
Eyes? ?"
"Well, she accepted him. He does
not regard himself as humorist any
more"
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1904-06-04

DoLLY-"What do you do when
you are writing letter and make a
blot?"
Madge-"If it's to Charlie, l draw
a ring around it and call it kiss"
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1904-06-04

MAMMA-"My gracious What
on earth has happened to you, Will
lie?" Willie-"Boo hoo It's all
your fault. I've been playing with
that new boy" Mamma-"What,
that little Quaker boy?" Willie
Eyes, and-boo hoo-you said Qua
kers never fight.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1904-06-04
A CHrLD's DICTIONARY.

The late Frederic R. Coudert, the
noted lawyer and wit, had a great
fondness for children. He collected
indefatigably the quaint sayings of
children, and one of the treasures of
his library was a small manuscript
volume filled with definitions that
children had composed. This volume
was called ga Child's Dictionary"
and these are some of the definitions
that Mr.. Coudert would read from it !:
"Dust-Mud with the juice squeez-
ed out Of it."
"Snoring-Letting off Sleep"
"Apples-The bubbles that apple
trees blow"
"Backbiter-A mosquito"
"Fan--A thing to brush the warm
off with
"Ice-Water that went to sleep in
the cold"
Morris tribune., 1904-08-27
Water Tax Due.

Commencing Sept. l, water tax must
be paid promptly to escape the 81
penalty. G. B. BuRpEE, City Clerk.
Morris tribune., 1904-08-27
$Ioo Reward, $500.

The readers of this paper will be
pleased to learn tn, there is at least
one dreaded disease that science has
peen able to cure in all its stages, and
that is Catarrh. Halls Catsrrh Cure
is the only positive cure now known
to the medical fraternity. Catarrh
being u constitutional disease, re.
quires a constitutional treatment
Halls Catarrh Cure is taken internal.
ly, acting directly upon the
blood and mucous surfaces of the
system, thereby destroying the foun.
dation of the disease, and giving the
patient strength by building up the
constitution and assisting nature in
doing its work. The proprietors have
so much faith in it's curative powers
that they offer One Hundred Dollars
for any case that it fails. to cure.
Send for list of testimonials.
Address F. j. Cheney & Co., Tole.
do, o.
Sold by all Druggists, 75c.
Take Halls Family Pills for cons
tip-tion.
Morris tribune., 1904-08-27
s'ShOck Thrashin.''

Farmer Ben, has the following
very sensible thing in Mower County
Transcript which the farmers will
appreciate:
Amt the farmers in this locality
had enough of thrashin' out of the
hook vet? There's been more lost
in damaged grain rottin' in shock
than would have stacked it ten times
over. The weather for the two or
three falls has been nifty treacherous
and tricky hereabout and grain amt
safe until it's put up tight in lain
sheddin' stacks to settle and go thru
the sweat. 1t looks like iascinatin'
project to sit round and loaf watin'
for threshin' machine and then
clea an up out of the shock but it amt
good farmin' and I know it. It
don't take such an awful differ of
work to stack and you have the
straw where you want it for the next
winter. My renter is just hustlin'
and a week will see every thing up
safe and then he will just pitch into
the fall plo win. An acre plowed in
August in worth two in November.
It's been a good harvest take it all
round aud the only trouble we have
ie the backward corn but a few weeks
like Sunday will fetch it rite out. I
just put in more than half the time
nowadays down on the farru. I've
plowed and resped over every foot
of it when I used to work it and I
roam and see the harvest and the
fruit and the stock. I wouldn't
trade our farm for Jim Hills palace
on Summit avenue. I get more COM
fort oat OF it than he does out of his
mansion. And I don't care whether
railroad stocks fuotuate or not, the
old farm goes rite on earnin' US q
good livin' in old age.
Morris tribune., 1904-08-27

While in Suffolk, Va, Henry Croll
Jr., proprietor of the Beaverton
Mich, Hardware Co., was taken
very sick with bowel trouble. A
travelling salesman from Saginaw
Mich advised him to get bottle oi
Chamberlsin's Collie, Cholera and
Diarrhoea Remedy, which he did.
"It soon cured me, and take plea
ure in recommending it," he says.
No one should leave home on a
journey without a bottle Of this
remedy. 1t it almost sure to be
needed anc is not obtainable while
on stea mship or cars. For sale by
j. r. Krueger.
Morris tribune., 1904-08-27
County Supt. of Schools.

/ hereby announce my candidacy
for the republican nomination for
superintendent of schools, and your
support is solicited. RAY S. RoBERTs.
Morris tribune., 1904-08-27

efforts and with some hopes. Good,
lasting results along such agricul.
tural lines come slowly with many
disco engagements; but when achieved
give in return great value to the
state. Note for example, the great
returns from the treatment of seed
grains to avoid smut. There are
some wonderfully educational plots
at the college this year showing
treated and untreated trials.
Three years ago first announced
that it would probably be possible to
procure strain OF fax which would
be immune to fax wilt on fax-sick
soil. I can now announce that that
has been thoroly accomplished,
our fourth generation of select i'm
mune fax is thoroughly, perfectly
immune-but alas, we have yet to
make it immune to the rust. That
disease is, in many places, very des-
tructive this year, and seemed to
have likingto our specially selected
fax-alnost destroying some strains
or pedigrees. However fax does not
commonly rust 80 destructively and
it is quite probably that we may be
able to overcome this difficulty more
easily than in the case of the wheat
crop.
a. L. Bolley,
North Dakota Agricultural college.
Morris tribune., 1904-08-27
The czarina skirt Pleases Every one

The Czarina Skirt Pleases Every one.
1t is the highest grade skirt made.
High in grade of material. High in
grade of workmanship. High class
fit and the highest degree of style,
but not SO high but that every pocket
book can reach it. Every lady to be
happy must have her garments fit, be
stylish and comfortable. The Czarina
fits perfectly and the styles have the
SNAP. We sell the Czsrina because
we believe it to be the best petticoat
made. 1t costs no more than inferior
makes Weguarantee every garment
to be perfect, Let US show them to
you. Price ranging from $l.OO to
$500. Silk skirts $500 to $3.50
j. E. DANIELsoN.
Morris tribune., 1904-08-27
CASH CARNIVAL CO. ENTER
TANNED BIG CROWDS
At LISBON, N D.
SOMETHING ABOUT WHAT
WILL BE AT MORRIS
CARNIVAL WEEK

The free attractions at the Morris
Street Fair and Carnival will keep
you busy from morning till night.
Notice the program which will be
given each day, Sept. 21st to 24th:-
Morris tribune., 1904-08-27
Representative.

| hereby announce myself as a
candidate for second term as repre-
sentative from this distrect and
respectfully solicit your vote at the
primary election. If nominated and
elected, will vote for the reelection
OF our esteemed q. S. Senator, Moses
E. Clapp. A. d. LARSON.
Morris tribune., 1904-08-27
Judge of Probate.

| hereby announce myself as a
candidate before the republican
primaries for Judge of Probate
of Stevens county.
j. G. MORRISON.
Morris tribune., 1904-08-27
De.1ocRATs ENDORSE BROWN.
Commendable Resolution Adopted
by Stevens County Democrats.

by Stevens County Democrats.
The Democrats of Stevens county
did very kindly and commendable
thing at their county convention or
Tuesday by adopting q resolution
endorsing G. L. Brown, of this county
candidate for reelection to the su'
preme court. Following are the re-
solutions in full
We, the democrats of Stevens,
county, in convention assembled, do
hereby endorse the platform adopted
by the national democratic convention
at it's recent session IN St.aLouis,
and also the candidates nominated
for president and vice president,
Alton B. Parker and Henry q. Davis,
and we pledge to them our earnest
and loyal support.
In concert with an increasing senti-
ment thruout the state, we take
this occasion to condemn ands CEN
sure the questionable methods en-
ployed by the political machine that
plac ID Robert G. Dunn . in nomina-
tion for governor of this great
commonwealth; and I we express
the pardonable hopel that the con-
science of a coniding 8people will
turn to and elect the democratic
nominee for governor ofBthe state OF
Minnesota.
Inasmuch as the Office Of judge is
of a wholly non-political character
and inasmuch as there has been
nominated on the republican state
ticket in Minnesota for the Office oi
Judge of the Supreme Court a resi-
dent of this county of high character
and ability, in the person of Hon
G. L. Brown, we would recomm
that he receive the support ofsall de-
mocrats IN Stevens county, to the
end that q good man may be again
chosen to the high position which
he now sdorns, and that partisan
politics be laid aside in the higher
purpose of electing member of the
judiciary who has been tried and
found not wanting,
The only other business to come
before the convention was the
selection of delegates to the state
convention. The following were
chosen:-M. F. Finnegan, M. Ma
honey, Herman Kerl, L. D. Perkins
]. ]. McCanney, P. Linstad, M. P
McNalley and L E. Pearce.
Alternates:-John F.ynn, @. NJ
McElroy, j. B. Ormond, Emil Marty
John Rowles, John Macarthur, John
Eddy and Ed. Hamilton.
Morris tribune., 1904-08-27


500 p m........ Revolving Ladder
Besides the above, then will also
be balloon ascension every even
ing, wind and weather PERMITTING.
Following is the account of the
Carnival at Li~bon, N. D, taken
from the Ransom County Gezette'
AS describing the free attractions,
we quoe the article in full.
"The Cash Carnival Company put
in an appearance bright snd early
Tuesday, and by boon Main Street
was filled with tents, booths and
arrangements for the free exhibitions,
reminding one of the Midway at the
exposition.
"The Forman band had been en-
gagged by the company to furnish
music during the carnival. as the
First Regiment Band was in camp.
When being informed that Lisbon
posed too many musicians to allow
an outside bapd for such an occasion,
arrangements we're made for the
Forman band to ''stay at home" and
at the beginning of the amusements
band of twelve pieces drew the
crowd to the scene of the first free
exbibition-the high dive. This was
splendid beginning for the COM
pany. and more than equalled the
expectations of the crowd.
"From this to various other per-
formances, from trapeze artists to
minstrels, the crowd was entertained
all day long, without being obliged
to enter the tents. The immense
Ferris wheel was filed from
morning till night during tn =,
carival. Tho placed in the
street, it was high enough to give
the occupants of the seat fine view
over the tops of the houses.
"The shows were clean and en-
tertaining, and open all day and
evening. The balloon assertions
were satisfactory, the aeronaut going
up higher than usual at such exhibi-
tions before cutting loose the para
chute.
"The streets were crowded with
pleasure seekers ell day long and
the evenings we're even more ex
citing with the yonng people wait
ing to wage war on each other and
the unexpecting crowd, with carnival
ammunition.
"Capt. Zeno, the campion net diver
of the world, who did the high dive,
also performed some dering trapeze
work while making the balloon
ascent. This feature alone would be
sufficient compensation for any effort
made by the immense crowd to at
tend the carnival.
Zone splendid feature Of the
Carnival is the absence of any "skin
games" There is no opportunity
for any one to lose his money TO
trickster gamblers. The money
taken III by the shows is make
honestly and the crowd is amply
repaid for the trouble and expense
of attending.
"The third day of the carnival
sees the excitement even greater, and
tomorrow, the last day, will find the
crowd as eager to see the sights as
Morris tribune., 1904-08-27
Sheriff..

I hereby announce myself candi-
date for the republican nomination
for sheriff of Stevens county, and
would appreciate your support.
T.. L. HANsE.
Morris tribune., 1904-08-27
Political II ~ ~
* announcements
County Attorney.

County Attorney.
I am candidate for the republi-
can nomination for county attorney
and respectfully ask the support OF
my friends at the primaries.
FRED E. SMITH.
Morris tribune., 1904-08-27
Money to Loan--Farms for Sale.

i Money to LOan--Farms for Sale.
Cheapest money to loau on the
best and easiest terms of repayment.
Several fine farms for sale in Stew
ems, Grant and Kandiyohi counties.
J.H: DEvENNEY.
Morris tribune., 1904-08-27
Judge Of. Probate.

l hereby announce myself as can
didate at the primaries for the repub.
lican nomination for second term as
Judge of probate. E. J. BABE.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1904-02-08

Respectfully submitted, P. Vein
CART, Fred E. Barney, Edw. Miller.
Commissioner Nash offered the fol-
lowing resolution: -.s,"
Resolved, That the report of the
committee be adopted. Adopted.
lowing resolution:
Resolved, That the following-named
persons be and are hereby appointed
to- act as Viewers in the Nine Mile
Ditch matter: Jos. Lowry, VIM. A.
Harrison and John D. Christie, said
County Surveyor on Thursday, January
IA, 1904, at 10 o'clock a. m. prepara-
tory to commencing their labOrs.
The question was on the adoption of
the resolution, and the roll being
called, there were three yeas and two
nays, as follows: ...
Ayes-Nash, Weingart. Smith.
Nays-Miller, Mr.. Chairman.
And so the resolution was adopted.
Commissioners Miller offered the fol-
lowing resolution:
Resolved:
That the Committee on Printing be
authorized to order the following:
1000 City Personal Property State
ments, Printing on 1000 envelopes,
for the County Treasurer; 500 &c
stamped envelopes for County Attor-
ney; Special Term File Book, 800 File
Covers 2 Shannon File Clips, for Clerk
of Court reams Teachers Examina-
ton Paper, IT'S Postals printed for
Superintendent of Schools.
Adopted.
Commissioner Nash offered the fol-
lowing resolution:
Resolved That the Chairman of the
Board be authorized to order eleven
CID City Directories for 1904, for the
County offices. Adopted.
Commissioner Miller offered the fol-
lowing resolution:
Resolved, That the County Auditor
be authorized to advertise for bids for
furnishing the Real Estate and Per-
sonal Property Assessment Books for
1904. Bids to be opened Jan. 10, 1904,
at 1880 o'clock a. m. Adopted.
Commissioner Smith offered the fol-
lowing resolution:
Resolved, That the Committee on
Poor Farm be authorized to purchase
| one barrel Of soap stock and one bar
! rel Of kerosene oil. Adopted.
The Chairman announced that the
matter Of appointment Of County en-
ployes and fixing salaries of same
would be referred to a Committee OF
| the Whole.
On motion, the Board adjourned un-
til Monday, Jan. 10, 1904, at 10 o'clock
a. m.
| HUGH r. SCOTT,
! County Auditor.