The Caldwell tribune., 1904-04-23

IollZ.,
s)oKER44I q

Marry the like o. thot, sor. She uses
a latiron, sor. Detroit Free Press.
Say, pa, what's 'multum in par
yo7'" "Those three dumplings you
have just eaten Chicago Record.
Herald.
Winkle-I have been over in I'm.
gland visiting the nobility. Van Ant
ler-What did you think Of our Amer.
lean girls7-Ex
Worth the Sacrifice. Staylate-
May have a kiss before / go? Miss
Weary-If I give you one win you
really go?-Judge.
Henri-If l kissed you, would you
give it away to your father7 Marie
or course not! What would he want
with your kisses?-Le Vie Parisienne.
Departing Boarder-Tm sorry we
couldn't get along, but hope you are
willing to let bygones be bygones.
Landlady-Does that include your
board bill, Mr.. slopay?
The Smart Man: "De really smaht
man." said Uncle Eben, ''is de one dat
has sense enough to know dat he's IL
able to be fooled de same as anybody
else."-Washington Star.
Tom-Your uncle asked after your
health several times; displayed quite
a tender solicitude; in fact Dick
Yes, his solicitude is tender, but un-
fortunately, not legal tender.-Ex.
Didn't you think 1 made some rath-
er cutting remarks in my speech at the
club banquet last nightT "You did,
old fellow. I noticed them. You split
infinitives right along."-Chicago Tri-
bune.
"Now this won't do, you know"
"What won't?" "This line: Her eyes
were like stars" "Why not?" "Why,
poets have been using that for ages.
Be up to date! Say Like radium.' ~
Detroit Free Press.
The Parson-Dis am mos positively
de. mos 'streemly juiciest choking
eber put in nah mouth, Brer Jackson
Brer Jackson-Yes, sab, pahson; dat
choking wuz raised an brung up on
| watermillions, sah.-Leslie's Weekly
Boy-My mother said there was a
pound Of sand in the last box OF
prunes you sent up. Grocer-Weil
you tell your mother that was the best
scrubbing sand. She is a good Gus
toner, and threw that in.-Philadel
phia Record.
Fond Parent Ito young hopefuD-
Unless you keep your face and hands
clean, your teeth brushed, and lool
neat, the children of nice people won't
have anything to do with yOu-theJ
won't play with you. Young Hopefu
j bet if I had goat and wago1
they would.-Judge.
"Gladys," said Chumley to his man
nish sister, "I've done SO much fol
you, you should write me testimo
nial" "a testimonialT' Eyes. YoI
might say, Dear Brother-Once was
a timid, delicate girl, but since using
your collars, shirts and ties have be
come a new woman"
Father-So you took dinner at Viii
lie Stouts house to-day. hope whel
1t came to extra helpings you hat
manners enough to say NO" Tomm!
oh, yes, sir, said mo" severa
times. Father-You did, Ell? Tomm,
Yes, sir; Mrs. Stout kept askin' M
if had enough,-Philadelphia Press
Mother-Elsie, your sister tells M
you took a second helping of pudding
at Mrs. Browns to-day. Little Elsie
So did, mamma. "Do you think tina
was right, ElsieT Eyes. You know
you have often told me not to contra
dict any one, and Mrs. Brown said,
know Elsie will have second helpin
to pudding and l couldn't contradic
her, could II"
The New Woman's Quandary.-
eyes" the new woman remarked, g
am greatly troubled" "By what?
"WeIl, ( want to get married, just t
prove that can, and don't want t
get married, just to prove that I don
have to. If 1 don't they'll say I cant
If l do, they'll say 1 have no more il
dependence than any other woman
Chicago Post
Old Uncle Ben wanted to have hi
portrait painted, but he did not car
to pay very much for 1t. "Surely tina
is large sunni" he said, when the al
t1st named the price. The artist Pre-
tested, and assured him that, as pol
traits went, that was very little t
ask. Uncle Ben hesitated. "Well,
ka said, at length, chow much will
bS If furnish the paintw
Bridget and Pat were reading an al
ticle on "The Law of Compensation.
"Just fancyw exclaimed Bridget. "a
cordin' to this, whin mon loses wa
of his sinses another gifts more d'
veloped. For instance, blond mo
gifts more sinse av hearin' an toucl
an" "Shure, an it's quit
thrue," answered Pat. "Orve notice
it meself. Whin mon has wan lie
shorter than the other, begorra tt
others longer"
.a,,a4nv, 1,Ioor sova q dopoo