The news & observer. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 1894-current, 1904-06-12
SING A HIME BRETHREN,
WHILE | EAT A BISCUIT
Some Ludicrous Things That Happen in Churches
Watering the Congregational Chasing
His Trousers.

things-Which destroy, Tor a time at
least. all seriousness and solemnity,
and turn the house of God into a
scene of levity.
One of these mirth- provoking
There was in an adjoining neighbor-
hood man who after read
ing the account of Nebuchad-
nezzar's humiliation, eating grass,
etc. imagined that he was an
other ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS, and that he
had to eat grass awhile. So he belled
himself like a COW, and took to the
old fields and the woods, and soon got
as wild as a buck. His friends tried
to surround him and drive him in, but
for quite awhile they were unable elth-
er to drive him or capture him. Ihey
did, however, succeed at last in pen
ping and roping him, and finally got
him home and succeeded in tanning
him, after SO long a time.
Not long after he became doclle, ne
had a call to preach, and, to those
who had the patience to sit and listen,
he would preach anywhere from three
to four hours. I heard of his preach
ing ability mean his powers OF en-
durance-and curiosity led me to go
over and hear him for myself. Quite
a crowd was there, brought out doubt
less by the same motive which lmpeil-
ed me, and, at an early hour the
= preacher went in and began to rant;
for, his preaching was that and MOTH
ing more. He would shut his eyes and
scream at the very top of his voice
until it looked like the blood might
gush out of his mouth and nose, then
he would drop his voice to a coarse
whisper for a sentence or two, when
he would begin to rise, and soon he
would be at the top notch again. old
NebuchadneZZar was his theme ana
Mesopotamia his resting place; Tor,
when he had rambled all over creation
sand said a thousand unheard of
things, and looked as if he would faint
from sheer exhaustion, he would gent
ly light on Mosopotamia, wipe the
sweat from his brow and spit.
guess he had been preaching about
two hours, when all of a sudden, in
the midst of one of his most fiery
flights he suddenly came to halt ana
said: Brethren, I'm bound to eat
biskit. Won't you all sing hime
while l eat and rest Il little. And
down he sat.
1t is needless to say the hime was
poorly sung. One or two old sisters
piped out in wheezy strains, SHOW
Pity, Lord but the bulk of the con-
gregation went out to get breath ana
finish the laugh that began in the
church.
1t was not far from that place
where, at the close of protracted
meeting held by Rev. Lewis Pipkin, an
old woman presented herSelf Tor
church membership. The preacher
heard her experience and asked her
several questions; but, was still unde-
cided in his mind, as to whether her
experience was exactly satisfactory. In
his perpleXity he turned to a preach-
er of another denomination and asked
him what he thought of the sisters
experience. 81 don't like to say he
replied, aS am not MEMBER OF inns
church"
Finally Rev. Pipkin said "Sister l
am not exactly clear in my mind about
taking you; I'd rather you'd wait UNI
TIL
90 drat your waiting!" she inter-
rupted him by saying. IF you don
want me to jine here, dern'd II
keer. / know where / can jine." And
out she went to the amaZement OF the
preachers and to the greater amuse-
ment of the congregation.
I heard the Rev. ThoS. S. Campbell
tell my father an incident, when L
was a boy, that happened in church
in which there was preaching, one
night. To light the church the people
of the community, had made sort of
half dozen or more talloW candies.
Those candles had to be snuffed once
or twice during q service, IL not OF
tener and the old sexton VINO at
tended to that business used step
ladder to reach the chandelier EV-
cry now and then he would take ms
step ladder and tip-toe to the cham
delier that hung over the aisle eau
tiously step up, and, with shutters IN
hand, he would trim the wicks; and
then, as noiselessly, he would tip-toe
back to his seat. The text, from
which the preacher was preaching
very drowsy sermon, that hot sum-
mer evening, was: Escape Tor tiny
life" There was bench right IN
front of the pulpit on which the old
est steward generally sat, that he
might be able to see what was gong
on, and at the same time be in close
touch with the preacher. On tnat &C
casion he had thrown his head PACK
against the pulpit, piously closed ms
eyes and was either in profound
thought or fast asleep. The old SEX
ton saw the candles were burning
dinly and soon he was on the step
ladder snuffing them. In reaching TO
trim the farthest candle he lost his
balance and over he and step-ladder
went, in a heap, making a terrible
noice. He wore what was called hip
ErltcheS' with no SuSpenderS; ana 1
in the fall the string or button that
kept them in position, broke and
down they dropped. The sleeping
steward, startled by the fall, opened
his eyes in fright and seeing the chan
delier swaying to and fro, cried out:
''1ts an earthquake! Its an earth
quake! It's an earthquake" The old
sexton, seing he was about to lose his
Pants, gathered them by the waist
land and FASTENED toward the door.
The preacher forgetting what he was
saying, in the midst of the confusion,
could only think to say: Escape for
thy life! Escape for thy life! Escape
for thy life" The congregation,
thinking the preacher included all.
made haste to follow the sexton, and
escaped for their lives. The house
was soon empty, and, as the sexton
couldn't fasten up his pants to RETURN
the preacher had to blow out the
lights. / didn't witness that scene
but it seems just as real as if / had
seen it all, though it has been all Of
fifty years since / heard the preacher
tell the story.
call to mind an incident that took