Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1904-09-23
SToRIETTES.

u
| 1hmmany Leader Tom Dunn met
paan h McDoaald. thu builder Of ths
Underground rapid transit road at the
Eszrnl Park Casino. the other night
rHsnn. JoAn,. said Duan. when are
HDa gu1H1 to start up that tunnel
mo a yuus!- In September" SAID
6GcDunaA, nonchalAnuy. "Wh@
ar3e aaksd Dunn
! RnfAsrAprd Corbtn, in personal REQ
laNsct3ans q Secretary TAFT, pub
kahaa b HaSpsr's Weekly. tells d
alng b San Francisco with Taft ons
t1Astss Sunday, and putting tn ths
NAo3s DAY with him and . member OF
Aks sag named Wilson In translating
y cipher message from Washington
He says that the fact that yoGns
Wilson Wa missing a ensagemens
with . lady seemed to Taft such Q
me piscs OF humor a. to obliterau
tie tsdiuu Of the task.
/ Sir Conan Doyle recently told
story Of IN English omcer who was
badly wounded in South Africa, and
the military surgeon had to shave
on that portion Of his brains which
pfotruded from his skull The oficer
got wen, and later on in London the
surgeon asked whether he knew that
. portion of his brain was In . glass
bottle in laboratory "Oh, that does
not matter now" replied the ssldier;
I've got a permanent position n tbs
war Office"
$ According to Congressman Wade
of Iowa, a young man once took
sack Of corn to an old-fashioned mill
TO have +: ground into meal. The
mill was fearfuily SLOW, only tiny
stream o, meal tricklins out At last
the young man became impatient
and complained to the miller. "Dc
you know" he said, Il could eat that
meal faster than your old mill can
grind it" Yes" replied the miller.
but how long could you keep on
eating it!' Until / starved" was the
conclusive answer OF the young man
After the jury In Texas case had
to the charge Of the court
and gone to their room to deliberate
upon tie verdict, one Of the twelve
men .ent right to the point by say.
ing: That thar Pike Muldrow orter
to be convicted on gen'ral principles.
He's bad as they make EN-" As the
hum OF approval went around, weaz
ened little Juror said: Il heerd that
Pike guv' it out that he'd go gunnin'
fur US 1t We sent him up, jes' soon's
he got out, an fur the jedge, too"
I'VE must perfect the jedge," they
Egreed. and the verdict was Not
guilty"
I. Is said that when President Polk
visited Boston he was impressively
received at Faneuil Hall Market.
Secretary Rhodes walked in front OF
him down the length Of the market.
in loud tones: Make
way, gentlemen, for the President OF
the United States! The President OF
tho United States! Fellow citizens,
make room" The chief executive had
stepped into one Of the stalls to look
at some game, when Mr.. Rhodes, the
secretary, turning around suddenly,
and finding himself alone, promptly
changed his tone, and exclaimed:
my gracious, where has that darned
Idiot got to-"
Colonel Cleary was noted charac-
ter in Chicago a quarter of a century
ago. In his latter days he got to be
quite society man. One evening at
q reception he noticed a beautiful
girl, and on inquiry found that her
name was O'Brien. "Bedad," he said
to his host. Il know her! Introduce
me-" That Formally having been
gone through with, the old colonel
declared to the young lady: Your
name is O'Brien and your mother was
q F1annery." Yes" Miss O'Brien as.
scented. We'll! we'll! WE'LL" the col.
onel exclaimed; IAN that's strange.
Dye know, young lady, that jist
year ago came in wan
o. bein' your father"
A story showing the incorruptibil.
ky of the London Times is told with
tral figure. Churchill had made up
his mind to resign. It was a great
piece of news, and Churchill, on
going to Buckle, the editor Of the
Times, felt justified in thinking that
the paper would maintain a friendly
attitude toward him in exchange for
the exclusive information. Mr..
Buckle Informed him that the papers
attitude toward him would continue
to be unfriendly. But for such
piece Of news" exclaimed Lord Ran.
dolph, why, there is not another pa.
per in England but would be crate.
full" THAT is true" replied Mr..
"but the Times can not be
bribed."
Representative Hull, Of Iowa, sent
some garden seeds to constituent
last spring. They came from the
Department of Agriculture and were
Enclosed in one of the regular franked
government envelopes. On the corner
Of each of these envelopes appears
this legand: Penalty for private use
$300."A few days later Hull received
. letter from his constituent, which
read: '.Deas Ms. KaH: I don't know
what to do about those garden seeds
you sent me. ! notice it is 5000 fine
for private use. I don't want to use
them for tho public. want to plant
them In my private garden. can't
afford to pay 5000 for the privilege.
Won't you see II you can't fix it SO I
can use them privately, for I am q
citizen and do not want
to commit any crime"
n>>.~. NASL..