The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1904-02-02
THE NONPAREJL NAN

How Mr.. Moses Failed to Grasp the ln-
tricacles Of Suit Of Non-Union I'm.
derWear That Was Fatally Twisted
Narrow Escape from Having a Hard
Comforting Remarks.
G. B. Moses came into the office this
with grievance a yard and a
half long. -
"Talk about getting out Of bed wrong
foot foremost" said Mr.. Moses, '.it is
nothing to trying to get into union suit
of underwear that is fatally twisted.
& you see, 1t was this way. got up in
the dark. 1t was a bit cold and didn't
want to stop to light up until was on
the inside of the underwear. I didn't
know when tackled It that the legs were
right side out and the arms We're wrong
side out. You will see at once that it
would take an acrobat that could COM
pletely twist himself at the waist line
and do other surprising stunts to get into
a. continuance Of that kind. You laugh!
It may seem simple in theory but in prac-
tice it is like a man with a lower algebra
education taclding the higher calculus.
"For about two minutes I threshed the
air and waved my arms around until Mrs
Moses sleepily remarked that I appeared
to have sprouted antennae during the
night. When I saw that she was awake
I said, What in-that is, what do you
guess has got into this union underwear:'
Il should guess by the remarks that
you hadn't she replied.
" The dunn thing seems to have turned
on me-
&c Perhaps it hasn't got the union label
on said she. .s r..
"By this time I saw that If didn't light
up, my spinal column would have a hard
knot tied in 1t inside Of a minute. The
light OF course showed what was wrong.
Now what do you think Of universe that
will lay that kind Of a trap for man the
first thing in the morning? Something
wrong withit, Ell? You're right
A routine decision Of the controller Of
the currency ends thus: 81 arn Of opinion,
therefore, that officers of the pay corps Of
the navy are entitled to mounted pay.''
This would seem to settle the dispute as
! to which branch Of the service the "Horss
Marines belonged.
| Ali Asghar Khan Atabek Azam, tha
| Persian vizier has been crossing our con-
! tinent. We violate no confidence in stat
| ing that Ali Azam and Azam bad and
wants to get home.
A. sack Of flour never hurt any poor
| family that is struggling to get thru the
winter.
AS birthday present an Iowa tarne.
gave his 16-year-old daughter 500 pigs.
| His idea was to take her attention away
| from some of these frisky young animals
who poisoned the air Of the front steps
| with monoxlde of cigarette.
!! A chair of poultry will be established
| this year at the University of Missouri It
| would seem that a chair Of poultry would
| more properly be referred to as perch.
| A Chicago; teacher found the newsboy
class greatly interested in Goliath. One Of
the boys gave the following summary OF
the Philistine's Joss Of the championship:
/ Goliath posed as the champion Of Gath,
| but he didn't have steam enough behind
his jolts to put a dent in a ripe tomato,
and in his fight wild David was glued to
de mat in one round
/ Some Montana sports started out on a.
bear hunt The scar before going hence
killed two Of the men and fatally chewed
seven dogs. We are almost impelled to
say Good for the bear Why not? The
other parties started the fight.
In the cold snap last week Bro. Dens-
more, of the Wilnont. Mimi, Initiator.
had his forms frozen fast to the imposing
stone. The Adrian Democrat says they
lWere thawed loose by redhot editorial
t.. - :
l.. Everybody who loves peace and hates
, war hove a sigh, Of relief when he got hi4
Fairmont Mimi, Sentinel last week. Edi-
tor Day said:
i In answer to about a thousand anxious in
quiries, the Sentinel is pleased to say that there
? will be between Russia and Japan. The
Sentinel is the first paper In the United States
to make this positive announcement.
There was debate at Fairmont recent
ly between the high schools Of Winnebagc
: and Fairmont. There had been some ora
: torica1 chestiness and while the attention
of the audience was being diverted by two
Il attractive young ladies knocking the
| piano the principal Of the Winnebago high
| school had his eyes open.
| And that principal did not watch ir
vain. From behind the side wings Of the
! opera house stage on which sat the con
1 testants, note was tossed so as to fall
right behind the Fairmont debaters.
:: In a voice trembling with earnestness
the Winnebago principal objected to. com
munications being sent from the outside
:, to contestants, as this was absolutely
q against the rules.
! Of course; q representative from Fair
mont felt called to defend the fair name
Of his cfty-and he arose and denied poin
blank that they had received any hell
n from that note,
: One can easily imagine that this CUES
n ton would be difficult to settle. But tn
chairman of the meeting displayed TIL
Q proper spirit. Taking the note. he state
S in the serious manner betting such =:
Q situation. that to be fair he would rea'
It the note aloud. 1t ran thus:
|, Ralp1l-Your mother thinks YOU
It would make a better appearance if
you would pull down your pants.
= Then the audience arose as one man an