The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1904-12-12

vigilance committee pursued, over
hauled and lynched an innocent
traveller who was supposed to have
stolen the equine, but with that we
had nothing to do. That is, we did
not plead guilty and ask to be hung
as well, and we have always COM
mended our own prudence in the mat
ter.
Our finances were at such low
ebb on reaching the Gulch that we
went hungry for two days and slept
under a freighter's wagon for the first
three nights. Then the fortune that
is ever waiting to assist the ambitious
and persevering steered us up against
poker game, and we won $40. We
knew when to get cold feet and with
drew from the game, and within an
hour we had decided on founding
1.-THE Kicker
We had dreams of making a weekly
newspaper that should have reputa-
ton as wide as the world, and an in
huence as great as all the statesmen
of America combined, and we went
ahead and bought a $50 outfit and is
sued our first number. 1t was what
every succeeding number has been
a corker. Our surging soul had struck
it's gait at last.
We did not become great man at
once, and neither was there an instant
demand for our paper in Persia and
Thibet. We had to conquer Arizona
first, and then gradually capture the
rest of the United States, and it has
been the work of years to reach the
dizzy pinnacle on which we now
stand.
Today we are the editor and sole
proprietor of 1.-THE Kicker" having
no chattel mortgages to give US the
nightmare. We are the mayor of
the Gulch for the sixth successive
term, and propose to keep right on
succeeding ourself. We have been
postmaster for five years, and all at
tempts to root us out have been dire
failures.
We are a deputy United States mar
shall, chairman of the forestry commits
sion, captain of the local military COM
pany and foreman of the fire brigade
and we own the only opera house and
racetrack for 40 miles around We run
the common council and the school
board, and as a deacon and the leader
of the choir in the only church in town
we make our influence felt from base
ment to garnet.
We have dead-head passes on almost
every railroad in the United States, and
when we journey about the land hotel
keepers deem it privilege to board and
lodge us for nothing. Our signature on
a hotel register is guarantee of the
responsibility of the house.
We own the Gulch and we run Ari-
IONA, and our influence with the public
in general is so great that if we should
suggest that the White House be torn
down and red brick put up in its
place it would be done.
Early in our career in the west we
had to kill a man or be killed ourself.
We regretted the circumstance and
hoped it would not happen again. but it
did, and today We can saunter out into
our private editorial graveyard, the
only one of it's kind in the world. and
read the epitaphs of 16 different head
stones. In each and every case we were
acquitted by the coroner's jury and
planted the mistaken victim at our own
expense.
we are the only editor in the world
who furnishes a doctor and pays all
the other expenses of a victim, and in
and rides with the minister at the head
of the procession. This fact is well
known all over the west, and dozen
men come to US every year and ask
US as a special favor to put a bullet
into them.
Our social ambitions have placed US
at the head of the local Four Hundred,
and will keep US there as long as we
tailed coat for so miles around, and
we are the only man in Arizona who
can afford table napkin with a society
wrinkle down the middle. We know
when the coffee ought to come on, and
we never make a mistake. when we
take a man who has drunk too much
punch by the neck and run him out
doors.
our political ambitions are as boundless
as the universe. Indeed, we may own the
whole outfit before We get through. Just
for the pull it will give US four years from
now In time shall be the 1t at Wash
ington, and what will happen beyond that
we can not say except that we shall be on
the constant lookout for good things and
take them in as they come along.
We differ from a great many editors.
Most of them are willing to live on cold
potatoes and help other folks to fried
oysters We are for Jim Hellso' first and
last and all the time, and if there is any
thing left over the public can scramble.
Many of our esteemed contemporaries
have referred to US as hog, but we con-
tinue right along at the same old gait.
AS to THE Kicker" on whose influence