Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1904-09-02
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Corrected. - Willie PEBBLES - The
horse was goin- Teacher-Don't
forget your &, Willie Willie PEBBLES
Gee, the horse was goin--Puck
Prepared.-"Bedad, the mkt automo-
bobolist who runs over me will be sor-
~ for 1t, OPn bet yez." "Why?"
"Oi've a can av nitrogiycerin in livery
pocket"-Life.
Local Oracle-Know t Dock o.
Blankshire? Ay. dare says knows
i'm better than any one in these parts.
Woy, my darter married one O. is sta
BILE 'ands."-Scraps.
cit serves her good and right" "How
now" "She became engaged on Fri
day and married on the 18TH" "Well?'
well, now she can't get divorce!-
New York Evening Sun.
She-So you think that men are
smarter than women, do you? He
Some men, but not all. She-Well.
what men are smarter? He-Old bach
elors.-Illustrated Bits.
"What do you put on your face after
shaving? asked the man who smelled
Of bay rum. ''Court plaster, usually"
replied the nervous chap, gloomily.-
Cincinnati Commercial Tribune.
"Does your little girl know how to
spellY "Oh, dear no That's so pie
beian, and we expect her to marry a
man who is rich enough to let her
have an amanuensis. s."-Chicago Post.
"Have you heard about the latest in
surance company" 'No; what is it?"
'Why, it's one that promises to pay ali
mony to both parties in case the mar
riage proves a failure. e."-Detroit Free
Press.
Miss Vane-Some one told me to-day
that I was the handsomest girl in our
street. Miss Speitz-Oh, that's not in
durable! Miss Vane-What do you
mean? Miss Speitz-Your habit Of
talking to yourself!
the concert last night Caxton-1
thought you didn't enjoy high-class
music. Baxter-Oh. didn't enjoy 1t;
that's why 1 know it must have been
high class-Boston Transcript
Augustus (no longer the youthfuD-
Well, there's one comfort; they say at
40 a man is either fool or physi-
clan. Angelina (nearly swallowing a
are you a physician. then?
Angelina-Oh!
Used to It-Tommy was visiting a
neighbor'a At dinner the hostess apol-
ogized to him because the table linen
was soiled at his plate. 'Oh' that's
nothing" he assured her, promptly;
"ours is worse'n that at home."-
Brooklyn Life.
"That iand,' said the city nephew. '1s
valued at $500 front foot 'Thun-
derationy' exclaimed the old farmer,
hastily moving back on to the side
walk. "And l stood on it most five
minutes! Do you reckon they'll charge
me Chicago Post.
Among a number Of notes received
by a teacher in excuse for the absence
was the following: "Dear Teacher:
kindly excuse Minnie for having been
absent yesterday, as she fell in the
mud on her way to school. By doing
the same, you will oblige, Her Mother"
They had been engaged long time,
and one evening were reading the
paper together. "Look, look" he e1-
claimed, "only fifteen dollars for suit
of clothesv' "Is it wedding suitT'
she asked, looking natvely at-her lover
"Oh, nor he replied, '1t is business
suit" "Well, I meant business, she
replied.
A military officer went downtown
with his little daughter one morning.
Before long the little lady found herself
unable to keep up with her fathers
swinging stride, and she was obliged to
cry a halt "Please, pa" she said, Il
would like you not to walk SO fast,
for 1 can't keep up with you. Can't
you walk nice and slow like police
manT'
"a woman can't keep a secret" de-
clares the mere man. "Oh, don't
know" retorts the futtery woman;
..I've kept my age secret since l was
o." Eyes; but one Of these days you
will give it away. In time you Will
simply have to tell it." "Well, l think
that when a woman has kept a secret
for twenty years she comes pretty near
knowing how to keep it."-Judge.
During the late Boer war, just after
the fall Of Bloemfontein, soldiers were
called upon. owing to the scarcity OF
civilians, to work the railway. The
weary men were lying in camp one
night, after a hard days work. when
sergeant called out: ANY Of you wish
to put your name down as railway por-
ters. drivers, stokers, guards, or any
other appointment connected with the
railwayr' The silence was broken only
by snores. Then one Of the men slow
ly raised his head. PUT me down as
q sleeperw he shouted drowsily.
A curious and amusing mixture OF
early piety and worldliness came to