The Crittenden record. [volume] (Marion, Ky.) 1904-1907, 1904-08-12
THE PROFESSOR
ON POLITICS
Professor Ehcncezer Smith Talks
About Office Holders.

''if ~ WV NV
Ebeneczrr Smith.
1t seems that Prof. Eb. Is sort
of a sanctifcd political economist.
He doesn't wear so many brass but
tons or So much gilt business aS the
other crowd that was here last week
and did whole lot of singing and
made confession Of their good
ness every few minutes, but Prof.
Eli. TIVE abbrcviate his name on ac-
count Of the number OF lower case
e's in Eheneczcr) Is different.
The Professors complexion j. of
a rich, writing fluid color, a sort of
Il mixture of Ros, Givcn- manga
ne,e ore and Booth muStache dye.
His hair j. somewhat kinky and
his dress consist, principally Of
one OF those large straw hats that
are often used a. a tent covering
for lemonade stand, and also a.
head gear for the drivers Of Blue ~
Num-, ore teams. Anyhow, he
wore a hat.
Prof. Eli. was driven into town
at the head Of a crowd OF small
boys who claimel he had been
picking a lot Of watermelons that
he never planted the sci for, but
a. soon a. it was found that the
melons were getting in their deadly
work doubling him up sideways
and tying knots in various portion.
OF his anatomy, the City Marshal,
instead Of taking him To nil, totcd
him over to the drug store where
Huston Orme gave him a dose of
DIR. Carlstcdt', German Hoof I.ini-
ment and shortly afterwards had
him take an antidotc for the lini.
ment, and eventually the melons
got tired and quit.
II was at this juncturc that the
representative Of one Of our leading
papers tried tn interview him for
the Childrens' Column hut Prof.
Eb. scorned the idea and said. his
forte was politics, q sort of sancti-
fled politics where the fellows that
looked after the voters were paid 81
much a vote. This statement i'm.
mcdiately drew a crowd around
him, ~ the average Kcntuckian
takes more real pleasure in a pnlii-
ical discussion than they do in IN,
rltc 81 Cutii Ctup.
Prof. Eb., after taking a larry
slice Of the atmosphere into hi.
rather capacious bosom, said:
well, my friends, there. mol
80 very much new in poliiic.; IL,
s,ill.a case of the outs agin the in,
and tho in- never resign aud hard.
~ ever die, ~ that the out. ar,
It'll having o tough time II it.
Wien o. man once gets uptu th,
political crib and has u taste " th,
milk and honey, he's gouc: h,
puts a halter around hi. neck am,
be ties Il To the manager with
double harl knot, and that halter
my friends, !. made uui VI matrri
al that YOU can't cut, YOU can
burn, aud Il iaS,s war. and YEAR
70 get that animal uu, ~ tina, stall
and my friends, ,,mc ui them
never do ~, ont, hui ju., dir then,
-and t.vy call that living ut thc p,.0
uf duty, aud the newspaper. al
what a brave, hpuc" patriotic pal,
lie servant De- va. when asa mat
Ter II Tact, ~ much milk and hun
~ gave him the ln,i. aud kilI,,
him right there. hu, {, take. pow
eriul bong time and powerful o.
II milk aud honey tu dr coo. hin.
Il work And go these war. On
outs aW looking over m that .,aI
and Watching 10 ,ccii De- DON'T ~
Of his fccd and wan, IN ~ oui d
pasture but there ha, never l.ru
case Of thi. kind reported yc,
What We nccd in thi. country. mn
friends. !. morr lo,i. and ar,c
sized one, "