davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1904-04-15

FIRST DRINK-It's a coolish night.
Second drink-Ah! That's better.
Third drink-Better still.
Fourth drink - The worlds not
such bad place.
Fifth drink - These fellows are
pretty keen.
Sixth drink-Let's have song.
Seventh drink - Waiter! Mother
round.
Eighth drink-It's good to be alive
Ninth drink-Why are these fellows
making so much noise?
Tenth drink-Jones is q nut.
Eleventh drink-*** !!--
Twelfth drink-??? ~?
Thirteenth drink
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1904-04-15
"Just Mention Nv Name" :"

Mark Twain and w. d. Howells
were ono day lunching in a cafe in
New York.
Two over-dresscd young men en-.
tered, and the first said in loud
voice:
Waiter, bring me some bisque of
lobster, bottle of white wine and a
chop. Just mention my name to the
cook, too. SO that everything will be
done to my liking"
The second young man said:
Bring me some sole with peas, and
tell the cook who it's for"
Mark Twain gave his order mo.
ment later. He said, with = wink at
his companions:
Bring me half dozen oysters, and
mention my name to each of them"
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1904-04-15
GOVERNMENT IMPEACHMENT.
The Eighth Case viii Be Presented Soon by
Trial OF Judge Swain.

'''o' " SuoSS '"o"'
The impeachment OF Judge Swain,
of the U. S. Court for the Northern
district of Florida, is interesting from
its novelty, this being only the eight
case since the organization of the gov
ernment.
The charges against Judge Swayne
are conciseiy stated by Mr.. Palmer, in
forming question to Judge Swayne
during the proceedings as follows:
Nonresidenoe in the Northern dis
trict of the State of Florida. For un-
lawfully imposing fine and imprison.
ment on one E. T. Davis and S. Belden
in 1901. For unlawfully committing
to prison in 1902 one O'Neal, for al.
legged contempt of court. For conduct
unbecOming Judge, in appointing
one Tunison in 1900, knowing him to
be man of bad character. For re.
fusing fair hearing and trial to one
Hoskins in 1902.
Under the constitution, the House
OF Representatives has the sole power
to impeach; the Senate has the sole
authority to try the case. AS citizen
cannot be tried before an ordinary
court until he has been indicted by a
grand jury, SO an officer OF the govern
ment cannot be tried by the Senate
until formal accusation has been
brought against him by the House.
This accusation is made in formal ar
ticles of impeachment, adopted by q
majority vote.
The mode OF procedure is for the
House to appoint committee to in.
quire into the conduct OF the official
supposed to have been guilty of impro-
per conduct. This committee makes
its report to the House, and the latter,
after full consideration, votes on the
adoption OF the report of that commit
tee. If it be thus decided to proceed
against the accused, articles of i'm
parchment are prepared, embodying
the charges. The House then ap-
points a number of managers, usually
six, who conduct the case at the bar
OF the Senate, which sits as q high
court to try the case.
There have been but seven cases of
impeachment in the entire period of
our constitutional history. They
we're:
William Blount, United States SEN
ator from Tennessee, in 179S.
John Pickering, United States Dis.
trict Judge OF New Hampshire, in
1903.
Samuel Chase, Associate Justice of
the Supreme Court, in 1904.
James H. Peck, United States Dis
trict Judge of Missouri, in 1880.
West III. Humphries, United States
District Judge, of Tennessee, in 1862.
Andrew johnson, President of the
United States in 1868.
W. w. Belknsp, Secretary of War,
in 1876.
OF the above seven persons i'm
peached, only two we're convicted
Judges Pickering and Humphries.
The former was removed from office
only; the latter was not only re-
moved, but was disqualified from hold.
ing any office of honor, profit or trust
under the United States. The Sen.
ate, if it find the accused guilty, ma
turally must remove him; and its
judgment may extend to such disqual.
ification as that meted out to Judge
Humphries.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1904-04-15
WHOLE NUMBER 2,288.
d" "Ann's" Successor,

"Irrigation Bill Reeder, OF Kansas,
in diligent search for good jokes to
make his constituents laugh when he
gets back to his native heath, has
found something which he thinks is
funny.
alt was handed to me- said "Irri-
CATION Bill" yesterday, "by a real
friend" The funny thing, which, in
the estimation of the witty Kansan,
beats the How Old is Ann" racket
all to pieces, is bit of doggerel, as
follows:
If Johnnie Jones has seven dogs,
And every dog is white;
And fourteen cats come chasing found,
Each one as black as night:
And each two cats have eighteen lives,
Less three destroyed by rats.
How many lives must three dOgs take
Before they kill eight cats:
Irrigation Bill" has a humorous
answer to this prepared, but he refuses
to divulge this till he gets on the
stump in Kansas. If the wicked
newspapers should tell before he ar
rived, reasons Mr.. Reeder, what use
would there be of telling the joke any.
way. To "cinch" it, he proposes to
consult with Representative John J.
Gardner OF New Jersey, who is very
wise about catch problems" and who
works them out in his sleep to see if
his conclusions are logical.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1904-04-15
Shermanized.

After the dinski of the battles roaro.
witch,
lust at the close Of davski,
Wounded and bleeding upon the fieldo-
witch
Two tired soldiers layski.
One thought of good job at home in
townovitch,
One of the good old farmski;
Then they got up and looked 'roundo-
witch
And fled away from harmski.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1904-04-15
How to Treat Eggs for natehins.
Northwest Poultry journal.

When receiving eggs do not put
them under the hen or in an incu.
bator Immediately. but let them re.
main quietly for twenty-four hours,
small end down. so as to allow all the
fertile germs to recover their natural
position as the constant jarring on the
cars or vehicle is apt to strain the
fine fbers. BY adhering closely to
this, q much better hatch can reason.
ably be expected.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1904-04-15
SPEAKING OF THE LIMIT.

| don't believe in killing;
In fact, think it's rude,
And yet | would be willing
To slaughter any dude
And all such blooming idjits"
Who life a burden make
BY offering their digits
high
With shake.
The girl, ELUSIVE, gushing,
Who wants to make hit
And to the door comes rushing
With elevated mitt
And jars your very liver
I'd throw her in the lake
Or toss her in the river
high
her hand
With shake.
And there's the ancient creature,
Kind hearted, you would swear,
Who wants to make a feature
OF shaking in the air.
For her I'm likewise cunning;
The treatment she must take
For trying to be cunning
high
the hand
With shake.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1904-04-15
No Use at All.

Bob (who has offended herr: wont
you forgive me!"
Dollie: off 1 did you'd kiss me
again."
Bob: Noon my honor l won't"
Dollie: "Then what's the use of
forgiving you?"
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1904-04-15
No lonSer Troubled.
Chicago Post.

"Do the automobolilists give you
much trouble?" asked the visitor.
"Not now" replied the farmer, care.
lessly, not since we've learned that q
charge Of buckshot will bust q tire"
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1904-04-15

THE best of a book is not tho
thought which it contains, but the
thought which it suggests, just as the
charm of music dwells not in the tone
but in the echos OF our hearts.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1904-04-15
COnsoline Thought.

Well, s'pose the mill can't grind again
" With the water that has passed."
Isn't there water enough in sight
TO run that old mill day and night
With motion just as fast?
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1904-04-15
1T ashington S tandar1
ISSUED EVERY FRIDAY EVENING sy
JOHN MILLER MURPHY,
u ubscription Rates.
Editor and Proprietor.

Subscrtption Rates.
Per year, in advance ............. 81 80
SIX months, in advance ..... ..... IS
Advertising Rates.
One square nnch) per vear...fl2o 90
per quarter. ....-.......- w
One square, one insertion. w
- subsequent Insertions. oO
Advertising four squares or upward bv
the year, at liberal rates.
Legal notices will he charged TO the
attorney or officer authorizing their lnser-
ton.
Advertisements sent from distance,
and ira nsient notices must be accompan-
led bv the cash.
Announcements OF marriages, births
and deaths inserted free.
Obituary notices, resolutions Of respect
and 9th ar articles which do not possess
general interest will he inserted at one
halfthe rates for business advertisements.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1904-03-02
FORECAST FOR MARCH.
Hicks Predicts Many Storms For
Coming Month.

Rev. Irl r. Hicks in his almanac
predicts many storms for the month
of March. "The first storm PERIOD
he says, twill be central on the 1st,
End and 3rd." Heavy snow or rain
is quite probable with billiards in
the north and west. The second
storm period will express itself
about the 9Th to 8th, during which
time the weather will be unsettled
and bleak followed by warmer
weather with rain and snow. On
the 18th will begin the third storm
period and rain will fall on the 18th
and 18th. The fourth storm period
will cover from the 10Th to the 21st
and rain and sleet may be expected.
About the 9th the general change to
warmer will begin to move out to
the west and break into general
storms later. The last half of
March will be more stormy and
disagreeable than the first. In
many places, especially to the north
and east, local ice gorges and floods
will endanger life and property.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1904-03-02

WANTED Several industrious per-
sons in each state to travel for house
established eleven years and with a
large capital, to call upon merchants
and agents for successful land prof
liable line. Permanent engagement.
Weekly cash salary Of $24 and all
travelling expenses and hotel bills
advanced in cash each week. Elk
perience not essential. Mention ref
erence and enclose self-addressed
envelope. The NATIONAL, 332 Dear
born ST., Chicago. IA
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1904-03-02

FINE FARM FOR RENT: GranG
Valley Stock farm is for rent, situat ed
in the township of Beetown, 6 miles
west of Lancaster. One of the most
desirable farms in the county, consist
ing of $50 acres; $50 acres under cult
walton, balance excellent pasture and
valuable timber land. Pastures 4 in
number with running water in each.
Timber contains sawlogs,. unlimited
quantity Of posts and wagon material.
New barn. Good house. 100 acres Of
rich bottom land
For particulars call or address,
Jos. TEBEAU,
loft Lancaster, Wis.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1904-03-02
Cigars for the Family

Bacon-Can you tell a smoker from
one who does not smoke?
Egbert-Sometimes l can.
"How?"
well, at a dinner, when the cigars
are passed around, the man who takes
one cigar at a time is a smoker; the
man who takes two cigars is not a
smoker, but has smokers in his fam
ily."-Yonkers Statesman.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1904-03-02
Too Much INDULGENCE.

How did you like Dr. Fourthly last
Sunday morning?" asked Mrs. Oldcas-
tie. Don't you think he INDUCED
rather freely in mixed metaphor"
Goodness! didn't notice. Did he
have it before going into the pulpit
This will be terrible blow to Josiah.
He thinks so much of the DOCTOR
Tit-BitS.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1904-03-02

Proud Mother-Professor, what do
you think of my daughters voice?
Eminent Musician apparently with
great enthusiasm MADAM, if dot
voice vas mine I could not sell id for
Won million tollar!-Chicago Tribune.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1904-03-02
Sentimental.

Office Boy-Please, Miss Daisy,
would yer mind writin' little slower
when I'm around?
Typewriter-Why?
Office Boy-Because every time your
pretty fingers touches a key me heart
humps, and unless you reduces your
speed I'm afraid I'll git heart disease!
Chicago American
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1904-03-02
Revenge Is Sweet.

''The people in the fiat above bought
a pianola, and I almost went crazy
trying to think how to get even with
them"
''And did your"
"Oh, yes, indeed; I've taught little
Bobby to play 'Bedelia' with his fore
finger and the loud pedal. Town Top
icS
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1904-03-02
Local JOttineS.

-1aVe you U0Sl0u your S0ou cOrn.
BE ready to jump into spring
work.
Will Miller is driving the
Potosi stage now.
If you are in need of auction
bills call at this office.
-Chas. Klarman made business
trip to Boscobel Monday.
Wilbur Doll returned Monday
from visit at Fennimore
Many man who refuses to be-
lieve the truth will swallow lie.
A man in reduced circumstances
isn't woman's idea of bargain.
DIR. Gault was in Chicago on
business the former part of the
week.
Deputy Sheriff Jacob Miller is
assisting Sheriff Watson with court
duties.
Noah Eastman, the Boscobel
lumberman, was visitor in town
Sunday.
John Kramer went to Baraboo
Monday, to seek employment with
the G. & N. w.
Mr.. and Mrs. Weisbenner of
Beetown were guests of the w. w.
Ritchie family Sunday.
j. HI. Haggerty, the leading
business man of Crawford county,
was in town on business Tuesday.
Mrs. G. F. Dickinson departed
for Mcmillan Monday, to ia ke a
look at that new grandson, reported
by Justus last week.
The Ladies aid society Of the
Congregational church will meet
with Mrs. John G.. Clark Friday
afternoon at 2 o'clock.
-Holl. Stephens Of GAINESVILLE
stopped here few days, enroute
home from a visit with the family
of Ritner Stephens, of Huron,
South Dakota. He says his people
enjoy their western home.
"A Missouri editor is said to have
recently worked a scheme on his
subscribers. "All my subscribers
but one have paid up in advance, :"
he wrote, and about one hundred,
ashamed to be the only one, dropped
in and settled up.
Beware of strangers who blow in
to town and attempt the solicitation
of funds for Baltimore fire sufferers.
The graft is being worked in various
cities through the state, with some
success, and every penny con-
tributed to these transient charity
chaps goes into their own pockets.
Jos. Tebeau returned Friday
from prospecting tour to South
Dakota. He is highly elated over
the country out there and has
negotiated for the purchase of
large tract of land. He will move
there to reside and offers his fine
farm in. Beetown township for rent.
For the first time one hundred
lights were turned on at the asylum
Saturday evening, and they worked
finely. The remainder of the wires
will be ready the latter part of the
week, when the large building will
be lighted throughout by electricity.
The electric light plant is growing
into an extensive institution.
Too busy to advertise" is an OBJ
solete philosophy, and too busy not
to advertise has taken it's place.
Merchants have quit being deceived
by warm room into thinking the
furnace need not be replenished
with more fuel. Newspaper adj
vertising fills the store; but like
fuel to furnace, it needs renewing
with clocklike regularity.
Any man may smoke ninety
nine times in his barn and set fire
to it the one hundredth. No man
has the right to smoke in his own
barn. He may think he has, but
he has not. There are some rights
a mans family has a reason to
expect. One eff them is the pro-
lection of property, and smoking
in the barn is not protecting prop
erty.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1904-03-02

FOR SALE, rent or exchange 100
acre farm in town of Little Grant
situated about 10 miles west of Lam
caster: fair buildings. about Is acres
under cultivation. Will exchange for
property in Lancaster or Fennimore
For particulars inquire of under
signed. ANDREW CAIRNS,
15w4 Mt. Hope.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1904-03-02
Consolation.

"Bah Jove! He called me jibbering
idiot"
s'Oh, well, that's nothing. All idiots
iibber."-Town Topics
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1904-03-02

FOR SALE: Farm of lao acres,
situated 81 mi. from Medford. Taylor
county, Wis. Good land, good 7-room
house with cellar; barn and stable.
Good water; close to schoolhouse; l
mile from creamery. Price 5000.
Apply to JOHN DIETRICH,
lSw2 Lancaster, Wis, R. r. No. |.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1904-03-02
A Look Ahead.

GrOOm-And then there's that extra
check for $500 your father gave you.
Bride-O! but we can't use that
That's special emergency fund.
GroOm-How do you mean?
Bride-That's to pay for my divorce
if it should ever be necessary. -Philadel-
phia Press.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1904-03-02

DANIEL PRICE, contractor and
builder, Is ready at all times to execute
all kinds of work in the building line.
Shop west of G. Fischer's hardware
store.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1904-03-02
Not According to Aim.

do you think that your wife in
tended to injure you?" asked the po-
lice judge.
ooh, no, sir!" replied the meek
looking individual, ''it was entirely un-
intentional. She aimed the revolver
straight at me, you know" -Cincin.
natl TimeS-Star.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1904-03-02

Not in His Line
"They have bright clerk down here
at the drug store"
"Why, what's the matter?"
Il went in and asked for ten cents
worth of collodion to paint shingles
with. Madam he said, we don't keep
housepaints here. Brooklyn Life.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1904-03-02
why He stopped Calling.

WHY 1IC StOpVCU OHIIIHSe
.You don't call on that Sour-loOking
Miss Pickles any more?"
mo. My doctor told me that sour
things had "a tendency to awaken the
suicidal mania, and despite her money
Miss Pickles isn't the sort of girl I'd
care to kill myself for" -Cleveland
Plain Dealer
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1904-03-02
The Great Army.

All idle men of every kind,
Would soon be worth their salt,
Could they but good employment find
As well as they find fault.
Philadelphia Ledger.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1904-03-02

FOR SALE-The residence prop
erty of the late Mrs. Addison
Burr, described as lots and 10,
Block 43, city of Lancaster, is
offered for sale. Anyone wishing
to purchase may apply to George
B. Clementson. 12-tf
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1904-03-02

FOR SALE or Rent: House and
one-half acre of ground in first ward
of Lancaster. Will be sold at
bargain if taken at once. Inquire
of JOHN HEILIGER, Lancaster Wis.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1904-03-02

Shutting Him Up.
ct strikes me, Mary mildly OBJ
served Mr.. Slowgun, "that these cakes
would be decidedly betterlif they had a
little more ginger in them
so would you, john" calmly re-
joined the feminine end of the COM
ine.-Chicago Daily News.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1904-03-02

LATHROP'S Sweet Home Bread
6 tickets for 25c.
25 tickets for $1.0O.
Can you bake it any cheaper? Iowa
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1904-03-02
SMOKE a Red Trunk Cigar.

WANTED-Agents, hustlers, sales
men, clerks and everybody who wants
to enjoy a good hearty laugh to send
SOC for sTips to Agents." Worth $50
to any person who sells goods for
living. If not satisfactory your money
back. Circular for stamp. The DIR.
White Electric Comb Co. Decatur. Ill.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1904-03-02

L SPECIAL this week at Nathans'
grocery Fresh salmon steak, fresh
Goldfish, smelts, pike and pickerel.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1904-03-02

FOR SALE: Farm of IT'S acres, 81
south Of Lancaster, 4 mi. east of
Hurricane, 100 acres under cultiva-
ton, IS acres pasture, running water,
plenty of timber, buildings all new;
everything needed on a farm is
there. For any further information
write or call upon undersigned,
PETER j. HENKEL.
76tf. Lancaster. Wis.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1904-03-02
The Plot and the Hatch.

The author scribbles, deep in thought,
The hen has ceased to scratch;
The one is Matching out a plot,
The other plots a hatch.
-Lippincott's.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1904-03-02

Took Neighborly Interest.
"Her voice was tried by famous sing
ing master"
"Was it found guilty ?"-Princeton
Tiger.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1904-03-02
Good Grounds.

Uncle George-Have you heard the
news? Tom Tyler is going to marry
Tillie West. Z
Aunt Hannah-For the lands sake!
eyes, I guess you're right. Title
owns some very valuable real estate"
Boston Transcript.
The Billings gazette. [volume] (Billings, Mont.) 1896-1919, 1904-01-01
. Gallo-HeIvetic Cemetery.

An important archaeological discov.
cry has been made at Vevey, on the
Lake Of Geneva. of a Gallo-H elvetic
cemetery dating back to the period
when Switzerland was inhabited by
the Helvetii. The cemetery contains
t%hirty-one tombs. which were dug 400
years before the Christian era. A wo-
man was discovered in a tomb wearing
a number Of jewels, while a soldier. had
been buried with his arms. Toys. stuffs
and implements have beer brought to
light which NJ. Naef, the cantonal
archaologist. states to be more than
1900 years old. NJ. Naef is writing a
book ON the discoveries.
The Billings gazette. [volume] (Billings, Mont.) 1896-1919, 1904-01-01
OF COURSE, THEY ARE.

Bozeman Avant Courier: 1t is al
legged that the Amaigamated Copper
company's leading newspaper, the
Helena Record, is playing p%iratical
pranks with the merchants of Bill
ings and by every dishonorable means
known TO soliciting g~rafters is secur-
ing advertising patronage which prop
erly belongs TO the local newspapers
the Times and Gazette. 1t is not sur
prising that the local publishers
should be incensed at the unfair
treatmentuthey are receiving, nor that
they should enter a vigorous public
protest against the illegitimate en-
croachments of a Kerosene Oil sheet
that has no interests whatever either
in the growth and prosperity of the
city, it's permanent business advance
ment or the general welfare Of its
people. And the local publications
are manifestly right.
The Billings gazette. [volume] (Billings, Mont.) 1896-1919, 1904-01-01

business confidence. In this they
almost succeeded through the raid
made earlier in the season on the
speculative stocks. Not quite as sue
cessful a., they had Hoped to be, they
are continuing their attacks in a diff
ferent direction and seek to create the
belief that because Of his impulsive-
ness his retention in the presidency
would be disastrous to the best, inter-
ests of the country in every way.