The Somerset reporter., 1904-06-02
Between Two
StoolC
By ALEC BRUCE
Copyright. 1908. by r. c. Mcclure
By ALEC BRUCE

"Oh, N.Y. sighed the Widow Stahl,
| for the widow WAS In the throes of Il
dilemma. She had lovers, two of them,
and for both she entertained II measure
of affection and respect. In the bal
ance she had weighed them and found
neither wanting. Tip, up went Colt
lieb, down went Hans. Tip, up went
Hans, down went Gottlieb. Tip, steady;
ounce to ounce they weighed and hung.
A very hair would sway them.
"Ach, dey both be goot vor husbands.
Nich best, hey? | don't know now"
she mused. '"Gottlleb, he haaf warm,
dree hondred acres, two horse, som
COW, som pig, an he york hard he
pillow so much. Ach, but Hans, he haaf
dat much, too, alretty, an he work.
harder; he pillow so much as Gottlieb.
Elder wood do. Oh, myP And again
the widow sighed
Now, of the we'll matched rivals hard
working Hans was the younger and
the handsomer, but Gottlieb, If he was
older and of coarser fiber. was more
ardent, more noticing of the small
things so dear to woman's soul, and
II neither had popped the momentous
question, right cunningly had Gottlieb
approached 1t. Yah, yah, much nearer
than Hans had ever dared to go.
Pauline" one day he had ventured
with a grin all over his vacuous face.
you make ride goot soup Eferey day
| wish | ged mine dinner vrom you"
dat vas near, YER near, vas 1t not I?
Ach, bud Hans! Hans vas chust so
AWFUL handsome, too, te-he-he!' snlg
gered the widow, and certainly, in the
sheepish glances the frequent wise
like pressures of his horny hand, in his
own dumb way Hans told an equally
fiattering tale
"Ha, bud chust so val l might be
carevu Won nefer knows" argued
the widow.
Truly for this caution the widow
had good cause. Before marriage the
late Herr Stahl, like the present suit
ors, had been weighed in the balance
and found mot wanting" After mar
riage a long. long, practical sermon he
had preached, the text of which had
been 1.-The waste of precious love"
And now: "Loofe loofe! Oh, no; oh.
nor' sneered the widow. Nit such
tings as dat | haaf noting more to do!
Nein. nein."
For her man, Gottlleb or Hans.
whichever won her hand, she would
wash close, make ride goot soup. clean
house and do chust so val as she could
Bud loofe--nein, nein!
In grinding matrimonial mill, to be
sure, the widow had been tlattencd
Not so Gottlieb. not so Hans, and she
forgot that, while to them the praCti-
cal side of the contract must have its
roseate hues. the loofe side still would
be the roster. Such was the case For
the tender feminine signs which never
came each bashful lover had waited
long. and at last: "Ach, chust so val |
Wait som longer. Won meier knows;
Won nefer knows each argued in his
turn.
Now, to her name the Widow Stahl
had nothing-no horse, no COW, no pig,
no dot. But, worst of all, the marriage
mangle had squeezed from her that
subtle coquetry, the magnet of her sex,
and, try as she might to extract a pro-
posal from her cooling SWANS, they
returned only sheepish looks, hand
claps and praise for culinary skill
O'hOne, what was the matter?
The widow stepped her brains.
n hn
was dowry they were after To wash
close, to make ride goot soup, to clean
house, to do chust so val as a woman
can, was not enough for them-ach,
nein! AT last she understood.
In the old country the widow had an
oncle. Seventy years of age was the
oncle, and at seventy oncles sometimes
die To Gottlieb and to Hans of that
oncle she had often spok en-yah. yah.
Eight thousand dollars she believed he
had amassed. All, II In loofe Pauline
was weak In strategy she was strong!
Mine Colt, she had a scheme!
" the widow of the late Auguste Stahl
NIT the undersigned viii correspond Of
som ting greatly to her advantage she
will hear In Stuttgart her aged oncle
haaf died.
Four insertions such as that in the
Western Prairie Farmer, and Pauline
could take her choice. Hans? Mebbe.
Gottlieb? Mebbe. Ach, chust so val
she might be carevul. The less sordid
she would choose.
"Hey?' unused Gottlieb, two weeks
later when his gray green eyes de-
voured four closely printed lines in
the personal of the Western Prairie
Farmer. Hey, Stuttgart? Dat might
be Pauline's oncle NIT the comfortable
vortune Pauline, ha! she wash close;
she make ride goot soup. Wy not ged
mine dinner by her eferey day? can
chust so val pay yor two, den.' haaf
more time to work, Hey, Wy not? Und
-und to Hans. dat leetle mortgage |
could pay. Hey, Wy not?"
SO to the widow FASTENED Gottlieb.