The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1904-04-18
Nathaniel Hawthorne's Tribute Il
the Fountain of Health, Peace
and Happiness.

Al AldAN1EL EA W IEdORNE PIT was
IN known forty years ago to a great
multitude of young readers as the
author Of THE Town Pump" 1t is
the greatest temperance lecture that
was ever delivered. 1t is free from
cant and iTksome statistics. and it glor-
iies all of the charms and virtues of
pure. cold water. without any stock
illusions to the evils OF rum or the pit
falls that lead down to a drUnkaFd's
grave. Hawthorne made the Town
Pump speak for itself with such NOV
ing eIoauence and with such beautiful
fidelity to nature that no horrible ex-
amples needed to be paraded TO move
all who read 10 seek the healing bless
ings that were dispensed, summer or
winter, by the "cupbearer to the
parched DoDulace."
Noon. by the north clock, Noon, by
the east! High noon. too, by those hot
sunbeams which fall, scarcely a slope.
upon any head. and almost make the
water bubble and smoke I'm the trough
under my nose. Truly. we public char
acterS have a tough time of it. And
among all the town officers, chosen at
the yearly meeting, where Is he that
sustains, for a single year, the burden
Of such manifold duties as are imposed,
in perpetuity. upon the Town Pump?
The title of town treasurer is right
fully mine. as guardian Of the best
treasure the town has. The overseers
Of the poor ought to make me their
chairman, since 1 provide bOuntifully
Tor the pauper, without expense TO him
that pays taxes l am at the head of
the fire department, and one of the
physicians of the board of health. AS
a keeper of the peace. all water drink
ers confess me equal to the constable.
l perform some of the duties of the
town clerk, by promulgating public no
tices, when they are pasted on my
front.
To speak within bounds, I am the
chief person of the municipality, and
exhibit. moreover. an admirable pat
tern to my brother officers. by the
cool. steady. upright. downright and
impartial discharge of my business,
and the cOnstancy with which I stand
to my post. Summer or winter. no
body seeds me in vain: for all day long
l am seen at the busiest corner, just
above the market, stretching out my
arms to rich and poor alike, and at
night 1 hold lantern over my head
10 show where 1 am, and to keep people
out of the cutters.
At this sultry nOOntide / am cupbear-
er to the parchsd populace, for whose
benefit an iron goblet is chained to my
waist Like a dramseller on the public
square, on a muster day, I cry aloud
TO all and sundry, in my plainest ac-
cents, and at the very tip top of my
voice: Here it is, gentlemen. Here
is the good liquor. Walk up, walk up,
gentlemen; walk up, walk up, Here is
z Nnaa NJ -
adulterated ale of father Adami Bet.
ter than Cognac, Hollands. Jamaica.
strong beer or wine Of any price; here
II is, by the hOgshead, or the single
glass, and not cent to pay, Walk up.
gentlemen, walk up, and help your
selves"
1t were a pity if all this outcry
should draw no customers. Here they
come. A hot day, gentlemen. Quaff
ana away again. so as to keep your
selves in nice. cool sweat You, nv
friend, Will need another cupfuI to wash
the dust out of your throat, If il be
as thick there as it is on your cowhide
shoes. / see that you have trudged
half a score of miles today, and. like
a wise man, have passed by the tav-
ems, and stopped at the running
brooks. and we'll curbs. Otherwise, be-
twixt heat without and fire within. you
would have been burnt TO a cinder, or
melted down 70 nothing at all, in the
fashion Of jelly fish.
Drink, and make room for that
other fellow, VINO seeks my aid to
quench the fiery fever Of last nights
potatiOns. which he drained from no
cup Of mine Welcome, most rubicund
sir. You and 1 have been strangers
hereto; nor, TO confess the truth, will
my nose be anxious for a closer intf-
macy. till the fumes of your breath
be little less potent.
Mercy on you, mani The water abso-
lutely Kisses down your red-hOt gullet.
and is converted quite into steam in
the miniature TODhet which you mis-
take for a stomach. Fill again and tell
me, on the word of an honest topper.
did you ever. in cellar. tavern. or any
other kind of a dramshop, spend the
price Of your children's food for a swig
half so delicious? Now, for the first
time these ten years, you know the
flavor Of cold water. Goodbye: and
whenever you are thirsty, recolIect
that l keep constant supply, at the
old stand.
Who neXt2 o, my little friend, you
are just loose from school, and come
hither to scrub your blooming face
and drown the memory of certain taps
Of the ferule and other schoolboy
troubles I'm a draught from the Town
Pump. Take it. pure as the current
of your young life; take 1T. and may
your heart and tongue never be
scorched with a fiercer thirst than now
There, my dear child, put down the
cup and yield your place 10 this elder
" gentleman, who treads so tenderly
over the paving stones that 1 suspect
he is afraid Of breaking them. What,
ne limps by, without so much az
thanking me. as if my hOspltable offers
were meant only for people who have
no wine cellars.
Well, well, sir; no harm done. / hope,
Co, draw the cork, tip the decanter;
but when your great toe shall set you
roaring, It viii be no affair of mine.
If gentlemen love the pleasant titilla-
ton of the govt it is all one TO the
Town Pump. This thirsty dog, with
his red tongue lolling out. does not
scOrn my hospitality, but stands on
his hind legs. and laps eagerly out of
the trough. See, how lightly he capers
away again! Jowler, did your worship
ever have the govt?
Your pardon. good people! I must
interrupt my stream of elOquenCe, and
spout forth a stream of water. 10 re-
plenish the trough for this teamster
and his two yoke of oxen. who have
come all the way from Staunton, or