The Savannah morning news. (Savannah, Ga.) 1900-current, 1904-12-18
MARRYING A POOR MAN.

The managing mother as she exists
in European countries is not a COM
mon figure in American life. Our ma
tional matrimonial policy is hands
off" and for the most part a girl is
left free to make her own choice of a
husband without help or hinderance
from her mother. The spectacle of a
young and tender maiden being sold
for gold to a husband she hates, and
loathes, that forms the themes of so
many novels and plays is something
that we almost never see in real life
in this country.
Yet, although the American mother
does not arrange a good match for
her daughter openly, and as matter
of course, as a French mother would,
or force her to marry the rich sutton
for whom the girl has only liberation
instead of the poor one whom she
loves, she is not always the friend tC
Cupid that she is reputed to be, and
the road to the altar of the damsel
who elects to choose a life of bread
and cheese and kisses with an impe
cunious youth is not strewn with roses
by the maternal hand. The very rich
girl can marry whom she pleases OF
the ground that she can afford it, anC
the very poor girl is equally untram-
elled in the choice of a husband be
cause you can't make a bad matte
worse, but in the middle grade of 50
ciety-among people who live in pc.
petual struggle trying to keep up APP
pearances and to make the ends meet
nobody but the girl herself knows
what pressure is brought to bear upon
her to induce her to marry what is
euphoniously known as well"
When a woman sees her daughter
marry man. no matter how worthy
and charming he is. who still has his
fortune to make, the most you can say
of her is that she is reconciled. She
isn't triumphant and jubilant like she
is if the girl is marrying a rich man,
who may have past. or who may be
dull and boorish, and lack every at
traction except that of being able TO
provide automobiles and diamonds
This doesn't necessarily mean that the
mother is sordid and avaricious Of
tener than not it is just a mistaken
mother love, a desire to protect her
daughter from the struggles and striv-
tngs that she has known.
With age there is apt to come to every
one, and especially to the woman who
has had hard struggle with poverty,
a cynical disbelief in love. She has seen
the gilt wear off of her own ginger
bread. She has felt the poetry of loves
young dream turn into deadly prose un-
der the necessity of having to get up in
the morning and cook breakfast, and
patch Romeo's trousers, and so when
she desires her daughter to make a rich
match she is honestly fostering what
she believes to be the girls happiness
1t is with the conviction that the sum-
ming up of things the luxuries of life
cutweight its sentiments-a sort of feel
ing that you'll be romatic a very little
while anyway, but you can be comfort
able long, long while.
Thus the mother who. with her little
hoard of maxims. breaches down
daughters heart" does it with the pur-
est of motives. 1t isn't the vulgar love
of money for moneys sake that makes
her want to see her daughter marry
a rich man. She wants to shield her
from work, from privation, from wor-
ny and care, and she forgets how many
things money doesn't buy. If the ave-
rage woman could have her way she
would put her daughter in nice, satin
lined wedding cake box and say: There
lnere dear, you are so nice and COM
Portable. You have everything a rea-
sonable woman could want Now lust
keep still and be good. and don't worry
about your husband not being Just what
you prefer. Nobody's husband is just
what they wanted after they got him
You'd have been disappointed ANYWAY
and now you've got plenty of money
to console you. Believe me, marrS ing
Tor love Is a terrible mistake. and
tnank Heaven that it gave you a
mother that kept you from making the
mistake that she did"
IL may be said that no one can make
girl marry anyone but the man she
6nk
are past when a refractory daughter
could be locked up in her room and
red on bread and water until she was
IN the proper frame of mind to accent
the sutton her parents had selected for
her. Nobody would dream of doing
anything of that kind now. but there
are moral thumbscrews that are inst
as agonizingly effective as the physical
ones ever were, and 1t takes a deal
of courage, and a backbone like -
telephone post, to brace I'D a girl IN
the point of defying her family. and
marrying the man she chooses when
ne isn't the man that her mother Sc
lected
Take the case of a girl who belongs
10 good family but which is NOT we'll
provided with this worlds goods. They
nave mace sacrinces TO educate her.
and dress her so that she can 60 in So,
ciety. She knows of all the nincbing
economies hidden from the public ga ze
by which this has been accomplished
she remembers how often her mothers
standby black silk has been made over
IN order that she may have fresh chtf-
IONS TO wear to parties. She knows
now many comforts her father has
done without to buy her satin dancing
slippers. Il is the custom to sneak Of
society girls as heartless wretches vbo
without conjunction. keep their faith.
ers OF the rack to pay their bills hut
this IL not true.
Often. and often. 1t is none of the
girls doings. She would far rather
live simpler. and not attempt TO keen
the pace OF the rich and fashionable
out her mother is ambitious. The girl
Is pretty, or clever. or has some charm
That makes her sought after and a
rich man falls in love with her ana
wants to marry her. Nobody puts n
into words, but she knows as we'll as
she knows anything that she is ex-
peeted to marry him, and that only by
doing 50 can she repay her family for
what they have sacrificed for her.
II isn't easy for a girl like that Ia
marry poor man, no matter how
much she loves him. She sees her
mothers face with the tired worn look
that struggling and striving has placed
there. She looks at her fathers bent
shoulders, stopped with the weight OF
the load he has borne so long. Per.
maps. she has a younger sister that
would benefit by her making a brilliant
match. sympathy affection, gratitude
her duty to others, are all urged or
her. openly or tacitly, and she knows
that If she goes her own way, and
oh hot -. 1. 4