The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1904-04-09

He got the stage fright" "Hell
HowP Married the homeliest girl /
In the company. Town Topics.
"Your symptoms, madam, indicate
5aundice." "Jaundice? But, doctor. I
haven't suitable dress for thatv'-l
Fliegende Batter.
What's In here?" asked the tour
list Remains to be seen," responded
the guide, as he led the way into the
morgue. Columbia Jester.
A Dollar Earned: Judge (sarcastic.
ally)--Did you ever earn dollar in
your life? vagrant-Oh, yes; voted
for your honor once!-Puck.
Dolly swift-He called me his dear
little lamb. Sally Gay-What then?
Dolly Switch, then he gathered
me into the fold.-smart Set.
Tourist-Some people from the
East might not like 1t out here. West
erner-Well, stranger, they'd find
trains runnin' both ways.-Ex.
"Whar you reckon de happy lam s?'
tits way back yander, at de place you
passed 80 long ago, en- didn't know you
wuz at it!'-Atlanta Constitution.
Adoring Bride-Jack, darling, is this
Wednesday or Thursday? Doting
Groom think it's Friday, dearest.
Adoring Bride-Of this week?-Life.
Mama-Bobby, have you been fight
ing? Bobby-Only little bit. Mama
How did that happen? Bobby-Oh,
the boy I licked wasn't much Of
fghter.-Chicago News.
"Grace, can you tell me what is
meant by a cubic yards" 81 don't
know exactly. but I guess it's a yard
that the Cuban children play in."-
Boston Christian Advocate.
Experience: Mrs. Frienderly-But,
honestly, what was your real reason
for refusing her dinner invitation?
Mrs. Charplor- used to
have her cook.-Brooklyn Life.
Elsie-There's a man at the door,
pa, who says he wants to ''see the boss
of the house." Father-Tell your
mother. Mother calling down stairs)
Tell Bridget.-Philadelphi Press.
A Critical Summary: what do you
think of that writer's work?' "Oh,"
answered Miss Cayenne, "he has said
two or three clever things, and several
thousand others."-Washingto Star.
Wife-You don't mean to tell me
that Professor Addle has been struck
dumb? Husband-Yes, last night And
master Of seven languages. Wife-Is
/ it possible that he was struck dumb in
1 all seven?
s Jarrold-What did that diamond
cost that you gave Dolly for Christ
mas? Harold-Well, gave $40 fol-
:, the stone, and $40 to the clerk to tel
Dolly it cost $500 if she brought ii
back to price it!
Really" said Mrs. Oldcastle, "youl
y little dinner last night was quite re
!. cherche." "Oh, DEAR" her hostess
groaned, 81 just knew that new cool
would make bOtch Of 1t some way
Chicago Record-Herald.
- Little AMI (who has an inquirint
: mind)-Uncle Timrod, what's bonan
"a? Farmer Neckwhiskers (painfull!
experienced)-A bonanza, durn it, is I
IL hole in the ground, owned by liar
. That's what bonanza is!-Ex.
Is Ernie-I saw you automobiling will
l. Fred yesterday. You looked as thougl
your heart was in your mouth. Ida
- No wonder. The automobile was goin
sixty miles an hour and Fred was pre-
posing at the same time.-Chicag
News.
Uncomfortable: "Deah boy, Is 1t tru
that you have discharged your valetT
"Ya-as, the doosid scoundrel was to
fresh! When l took him out with m
he managed to make people think b
was the mastah and was the mai
baw Jovey'-Chicago Tribune.
Perdita-It doesn't matter If this
the third installment of the story. Th
synopsis is printed telling how tn
first chapters went; so you can stal
\ reading it from here. Penelope-Ye
but how stupid of them not to hay
the synopsis tell how it ends!-Judg
did you have a pleasant voyage
"No" sighed the Deaut1Iul Amef4cd
heiress. 1T was one Of the saddle
experiences of my life. There wei
two counts and duke aboard b
u the weather was so rough that the
Ia never came out Of their rooms. CT
In cago cordHerald!
Reporter-How were you impress'
~ By the European cities you Vlslte'
Distinguished Traveler-They are ma
yels Of cleanliness, sir. To return
= one of our cities after being abroad
ld like coming back to a hog-pen. Il
tn porter-May l ask what hog-pen q
es YOU start from?-Chicago Tribune
II "How is it business has so much II
H x, nroved in the side show?" asked t
"a man from the main tent. Il start
is the Tiving skeleton to smoking Gigs
E. ettes," replied the hustling manag
a. 81 don't see why that should DIRE
to people." Eyes; every mother takes
db - roipfS out the horrible