Columbia courier. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1902-1905, 1904-08-26
SCARED OUT OF A WIFE

CO HE narrative which l am about
to write was told TO me one
bleak night, In Il country parlor.
1t was one of those nights in mid
winter. when the wind swept over the
land, making everything Jingle with
Its frosty breath, that was seated be-
fore blazing fire, surrounded by II
Jolly half dozen boys and an old bach
elor, a Peter Green, about forty and
eight years old
1t was just the night without to
make those within enjoy good story,
SO each of us had to tell his favorte
story, save Mr.. Green, and as he was
a jolly story-teller. we were somewhat
surprised to hear him say, II have no
story that would interest you." so we
had to find other entertainments for a
while, when one of the boys told me
to ask him how 1t happened that he
never got married. So did.
"well, gentlemen" he began. at does
not seem right for me tell how that
happened, but as 1t is about myself, !
don't care much. You see when was
young we had to walk as far as five
miles to church, and singing school,
which was our chief enjoyment. But
this don't have anything to do with my
not getting wife, but just wanted
to show you that we had some trouble
them days in getting our sport.
John Smith and l were like broth
tI,n In nd hnt In mi
Where one went the other was sure to
go. So we went to see two sisters, and
as we were not the best boys imagin-
able, the old gentleman took umbrage
and would not allow us to come near
the house, SO we would take the girls
to the end of the lane, and there we
would have to take the final kiss.
I'VE soon got tired of this sort of
fun, and | told John. on our way to
singing school one night, that l was
going to take Sadie home, and that l
was going into the house, too. He said
the old man would ruin us If did.
II told him l was going to risk 1t
anyhow, let come what would. He said
he would risk 1t II would.
80 home we went with the girls.
When we got to the end Of the lane l
told the girls we proposed going all the
way.
"They looked at each other In way
didn't like too well, but said they
(the old folks) would be in bed, so they
didn't care If we did. They were a
little more surprised when told Them
we thought of going in little while,
but all was quiet when we got to the
house, as we had no trouble in getting
into the kitchen. Then and there we
had our first court, and l made up my
mind to ask Sadie to be my wife the
next time l came.
ut was now past the turn of the
night, and as we had four miles to
walk, told John we had better be GO
ing. So we stepped out on the porch,
but just then the sky was lighted up
by lighting, and one tremendous thun-
der peal rolled along the mountain
sides. Its echo had not died away in
the far off wales until the rain began
to pour from the garnered fullness Of
the clouds. We waited Tor 1t to stop
until we We're all sleepy, when the girls
said we could go to bed in the little
room at the head of the stairs which
led out of the kitchen, as their father
did not get up early we could he at
home before the old folks were astir
SO after bidding the girls good night
and wishing them sweet dreams, and
promising them to come back on the
next Saturday night, we started 10
bed.
I'VE didn't have far to 20, as the bed
stood near the head of the stairs. John
was soon in bed but as was always
a little slow and fun of curiosity, |
was looking around the little room.
AT last | thought would sit down
on chest, which was spread over
with nice white CLOTH while | drew
off nv boots, so down | sat, when,
stars of the East. went plump into
big custard pie.
81 thought John would die laughing,
for he said | smashed tina, custard into
a shapeless mass and the plate right in
two. You see we had TO be awful
quiet so the old man would not hear.
81 was now ready to get into bed, so
I nut the light out and picked up my
boots. thinking to put them in more
convenient place, when down one of
nv legs went through a pipe hole,
which had been covered by paper, up
to my hip.
"Now one part of me was up stairs
while the longest part of me was in
,ha ki+chen. Az my leg was very long,