Bisbee daily review., 1904-10-30

I don't like to rush into print. but if the focal lumlnaries persist in crcc iting the matrimonial Iaffle to me, there will be somebody dead and no water hot. have been accused of trying o raffie myself off for the pal try sum of S2,5OO, with no reserva- tions made as to attributes or appear ances of the female who might viii me.
 waive time to plead. and plead NOT GUILTY of making any such proposition Twenty-Five hundred Ool- iars would not keep me over the hon eymoon. It would not settle the cx- penses Of a first-class cha.ayari. It woulca't carry my wife over one case of sick heacache. IL would not bury her mother deep enough-to suit me. It would not buy flannels and parego- TIC and soothing syrup enough to cut our first Lorn's first front tooth. much jess feed. clothe and educate a half dozen cOngl lessmen, such as We would raise.
 But I'll tell you what will do am a matrimonial snap. Eligible ladies don't get chance at tid bit every day. I have very few faults. and I'll bawl them out for your benefit. They con sist of swearing, chewing. smoking, drinking, gambling. horse--acing, wearing Panama hats and-well. that | is about all-none worth men ! toning. Now, if some eligible female xlll bring along about four thousand ! dollars, she eau shoo the chickens of | my porch the rest of her days, pro vided she will furnish the porch ard | fully come up to all of the following i requirements.
 She must Dc q feminine woman, not over so. I am not particular what colcr her hair is, but prefer red, as il doesn't shcw up so conspicuously II the butter love freckles, and don't object to warts, nor moles nor wrink les, but I do craw the line on cold feet.
 And I want her to observe the fol I lowing ten commandments, to-wit:
 Thou shalt not snore. Thou siait not gad
 Thou shalt not indulge in bad breath.
 Thou shalt not tag after the preach CT.
 Thou shat not kiss a dirty noset pug on the end of the nose.
 Thou shalt name the kics after n! people and not thine.
 Thou sEalt not make plaster Parii pie and cas; iron fruit cake to disor ganize the digestion of thy lord anC master.
 Thou shalt not go to California ant flirt with drummers.
 Thou shalt not love thy masculin, neignbor as myself. T And lastly, thou shalt not invite tn, mother to come and abide with us. These commandments will be past Cd on the fOotboard. The doweIy will include a bran, new wash tub, and the candidate fo my hand must demonstrate in my presence that she can bob up ant down over that wash tub at the rat of s4 times a minute for 9 hours , day.
 l don't want woman fat enougl to tempt soap factory manager, no thin enough to dodge a hail storm
 want her to be a good Christian witl a whole lung, so that she will not havu to break into her devotion with cough like an echo from Hades. don't even want her to sue gest going out to Sunday dime much less have 1t brought to her. Not this is what l call a pudding . for any lady ma,-imonially inclined and any eligible party taking kindi, to this proposition may call on Judgt Goodbody, buy the license, pay fol the ceremony, show me the way to tn, shack and I'm "ber'n." FRANK ALLEY. P. s. If she don't want me tC stand up in my shirt sleeves. she ha. better bring along he first husband'i ? duster. F. A.
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