The Montgomery advertiser., 1904-08-07
Mr.. Dooley ON the
Comforts Of Travel
BY T. 2. DUNE.
Copyright 1904 by Mcclure, Phillips Company.


"p,ve know" said Mr.. Hennessy. we
can go firm Chicago to New York in
twenty hours? It must be like fiyin'."
.It's something like fiyin'," said Mr..
| DooIey. but it's also like fallin' of
a roof or bein' clubed bea polisman."
Its WONDERFUL how LUXURIOUS
modhren thravel is. said Mr.. Hennessy.
ooh. WONDERFUL" said Mr Dooley.
ITS almost a dhream. Ye go to bed
at night in Kansas City an we ARE
attn awake in Chicago in TIL mornin'.
We leave New York today an mex
Thursdah We ar-re in San Francisco an
can't get back. An all tn time We
in1ye such comforts an iligances as
wud make tn Shah Nv Persia invious
If he heerd Nv thin. haven't thravel-
led much since hastily put four thou
san miles Nv salt wather an smilin'
land between me an tn constabulary
but I've always wanted to fly through
space on wan iv thin palace cars with
tn beautiful names. TIL man that
names tn Pullman cars an tn pa-aper
collars iv this country is our greatest
pote, WHOEVER he is. cud see mesilf
steppin' aboard a palace on wheels call
ed Obulula or Onarka an bein' fired
firm wan union deepo to another. So
las month whin a towny Nv mine in
Saint Looey asked me down there 1
determined to make tn plunge. With
TIL invitation come a fine conservative
article be tn gin'ral passenger agent
indivrin'. Hinnissy. to give faint idee
iv tn glories iv tn trip. There was
pitchers in this little pome shown
how TIL thrain looked to TIL passenger
agent. Elegantly dhressed ladies an
gintlemen set in tn handsomely up
boil Or OF Cd
tn broad aisles. Pirpont Morgan was
disclosed in a corner dictatin
letter to Andrew Carnaygia.
In tn barer shop Jawn ID.
ROCKEFELLER was bein' shaved. In
TIL smokin car We cud see a crowd Nv
jolly men playin' poker; near by sat
three wags tellin' comic stories while
a naygur waiter dashed to an fro an
pushed mint juleps into TIL fash nable
comp'ny. Says l to mesilf: Here Is
life. They'll have to dhrag me firm
that rollin' home iv bliss feet foremost
says T. An l whit boundin' down to
tn deepo. / slung four dollars at TIL
Prisidint Nv tn road whin he had con-
Guided some important business with
his nails an he slung back a yard Nv
green paper by which I surrindered me
rights as an American citizen. With
this here deed In me hand, / whit
through a line Nv naughty gintlemen in
UNIFORM an wan afther another look
ed at tn ticket an punched a hole in
It, Whin l got to tn thrain tn last iv
these gr-reat men says: Have we got
a ticketT had says I. This porous
plasther was O ticket three minyits
ago Get aboard says he, givin' me
a short, frindly kick an in minyit l
found mesilf amid a scene " ORIENTAL
splendor an no place to put me grip
sack.
81 sthud dhrinkin' in tn glories Nv
tn scene ontil a proud man who cud
qualify In color FIR all his meals at tn
White House come UP an ordered me
to bed Fond as l am iv TIL colored
man, IIinnissy. 1 wud sometimes wish
that tn summer styles in Pullman
porters was more light an airy. 1t Is
thrue that TIL naygur porter is more
durable an doesn't show tn dirt but
on tn other hand, he shows TIL heat
more Where says I. do I sleepT I
don know where we sleep cap says he.
but ye'er ticket reads FIR an upper
berth l wud prefer a thrapeze. says
l. but 81 yen call out tn fire depart
ment maybe they can help me In, l
says. At that he projooced scalin'
laddher an the thrain goin' around a
curve at that minyia. ! soon found mo
silf on me hands an knees in wan Nv
tn coolest little upstairs rooms ye iVer
saw. He dhrew tn curtains an 80
will I. But some day whfn am down
town | am goin to dhrop in on me frind
tn prissidint iv tn Pullman company
and ask him to publish few hints to
tn wayfarer. l wud like to know how
"a gintleman can take off his clothes
while settin' on thin. 1t wud help a
good deal to know what to do with TIL
-. Snnirmpd out Nv
thin. Are they to be rolled up in
IA ball an placed undher TIL head or
dhropped into tn aisle? Again, in tn
mornin' how to get into TIL clothes
without THROWN TIL thrain off tn
thrack? 1 will tell ye confidintially,
Hinnissy, that not bein' a contOrtion-
list tn on'y thing / took off was nae
hat.
9TH thrain sped on an on. cud
not sleep. TIL luxury Nv thravel kept
me wide awake. Who wud coort slum-
Der in such a cozy little bower? There
were SONG that did it: 1 heerd thin
coortin'. But not I. I lay awake
while we flew on, 1 might say, bumped
through space. 1t seemed hardly a
minyit befure we were in Saint Looey.
1t seemed a. year. On an liver on we
flew, past forest. river an plain. Tn
lights burned brightly just over me left
ear. tn windows was open an let in
tn hoarse, cxultant shrek iv tn locy-
motive, tn conversation iv TIL baggage
man to tn heavy trunk. tn bammy
night air an great purple clouds Nv
Illinye coal smoke. / took in enough
Nv this splndid product iv our prairie
soil to qualify as a coal yard. Be tn
time tn sun peeked or, l may say,
Jumped into me little roost, l wudve
made a cheerful crate fire an left a
slight deposit iv r-red ashes. TIL
mornin' came too soon. called me
| fLusthrees almost Booker Washnton
an with tn assistance Nv TIL step lad
dher. tn bell rope an tn bald head Nv
tn man in tn lower berth, l bounded
| lightly out Nv me little nook an rose
| firm tn hure with no injury worse than
a sprained ankle. I thin walked tn
| long an splindid aisle thanked be gin
tlemen who were within into their
| clothin' an soon found mesilf in tn
| superbIy appinted wash room.
"Wnat hasn't American ingenuity
| done FIR tn wurrled. Here we were
fairly hyin' through space or stoppin
f'r wather at Polo Illinye, an We cud
| wash ye'ersilf as comfortably tas ye
cud In tn hydrant back iv tn gas
! house. There were three handsome
wash basins, wan piece iv shy. evasive
soap an towels galore-that is. almost
enough to go round. In front iv each
wash basin was a dilicately nurtured
child Nv luxury cleansin' himsilf an tn