Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1904-09-09


mad who put that notice up.
A printer is the master OF all trades.
He beats the farmer with the hoe, the
carpenter with his rules, the mason
with setting up Of long columns, he
surpasses the lawyer and the doctor in
attending to his cases, and he beats the
preacher in the management of the
devil.
Early to bed and early to rise
Does very we'll for sick folks and guys,
But it makes man miss all the fun till
he dies,
And joins the stiffs that have gone to
the skies.
Go to bed when you please.
And lie at your ease,
You'll die just the same with some
Latin disease.
An association has been formed in
Seattle to print all weekly papers, a
cylinder press having been procured
to do the work. The only thing now
lacking is the formation of an associa.
ton to buy up all the weekly papers
in that city, but one, and then every
thing will be serene.
When Solomon said "Stay me with
f1agons, comfort me with apples, for I
am sick of love-" he must have been
thinking of Wenatchee, the home OF
the red apple" The apples raised
around Wenatchee would make q
Tilted man forget his one-time sweet
heart in a short time, would he but
eat two or three.
No use talking we are having an
overflow of strenuous train wrecks
this summer. Wonder if some Re.
publican editors imagines their party
which they claim brought such pros.
porous times, are the cause OF so many
disasters on railways, by allowing SO
many people to have prosperity enough
to enable such to buy transportation?
Scientists claim by means of sub.
cutaneous injections, silkworms have
just been made to spin pink silk
Well, there is nothing peculiar about
this. There is man in Seattle, who
by injecting the thought I-would-
Observation-Disclosures" in
his "think.tank" spins the biggest
bunch of yellow" lies we have evel
read.
He who marries for love gets wife
who marries for position gets a lady
who marries for money gets mistress
II you are sick the wife will nurse you
the lady will visit you, the mistress
will inquire about your health. If you
die the wife will weep for you, the
lady will lament, and your mistress
will wear mourning. This is life in
reality.
The prisoners in Jail at Billings
Montana, who made such a fuss ovel
the jailer turning off the electric
lights have right to "holler." Doesn'
that jailer have any regard for the
rights of his boarders? Doesn't he
know that the latest number off The
press, of " Nick Carter" and Diamond
Dick" must be read Immediately wher
received? This is terrible. The &C
ton OF the jailer should be investigat
ed at once.
This beats life insurance all t
pieces. A chemist has determined by
painstaking analysis that human
body of the average size contains thre'
pounds and three ounces OF calcium
The current value of calcium is 500
an ounce. which would give us each
value in the retort of SIS 300, or one
J fourth our weight in gold. You saw,
the premiums while you are alive, an,
have yourself made into calcium afte
, you are dead and it won't hurt yo,
} much. Why hide your calcium light
A waitress in restaurant in Olym
pia is we'll known TO the patrons o
the establishment for her ready wit
: She is q great iavorite with everybody
Notwithstanding that she sometime
hits heavily. An occasional custome
went in the other day for dinner
, After receiving his order the waitres
t handed him q newspaper to whil
D away the few minutes that woul,
p. elapse ere dinner was served. H
looked at it, and then at the waitress
t I" / say, miss, have you nothing comic
/ like to have something funny to lool
I at while Pm eatin'." "Well, sir" re
| piled the waitress readily and withou
o the vestige of a smile, "there's look
y ing glass straight in front of you, sir.
After showering praise and flatter,
on the Republicans who gathered ii
the Grand Opera House in Seattle
Q listen to Secretary Shaw, to illustrat
: a "point" in his "hot air" talk, h
Q said:
9 "This reminds me of the man VIII
q asked his wife why married men live
longer than single ones.
"G Give it up she said. do yo
know
al think l do was the reply. The
9 really do not live any longer at all.
y only seems longer"
s As this "gag" was used by ever
# variety performer who worked fo
e Jimmy Smith, proprietor of the oil
s Bijou theater before the fire in tn
Queen City, it only goes to show tina
9 the Republican party cannot find any
q thing new to offer its followers. It
q the same old elephant yet-withou