The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1904-09-27


Like Shut-up Accordion.
" Sept. 15.-Charles THE chuffer is strictly
hot tom (haute tom. The new, automobile
came yesterday and me and the boss took
her out for a run. Had no trouble in
cruising down the pike at forty miles an
hour and as the boss says, she isn't up to
her, feed yet The policeman tipped JUS a
hand wave as we slid past sP. S.-The
boss is worth SIS, 00OO.) The old man
said, Let her out, Charles" as We
passed the Peavey fountain and we skid
ded around several corners like link
Of sausage ahead of hungry dog.
Sept. 16.-Screwed up the nuts and pol
ished the brass works on the thing to-
day. The boss went to Chicago last night,
SO took her out for exercise. Mike was
with me- Great sport. Barely missed two
baby carriages and ran thru a flock Of
hens. Two horses also had heart failure.
Sept. 17.-Boss came home today, and
said, 'Chawles, We'll take her out the
fust foggy morning and round something
up They can't see us so we'll in the
fog:.'"5 Ran out to the Minnesota river and
back tonight, just touching the high spots.
COW. We heard the farmer hOller in the
distance. He was too far away to see
our number.
Sept. 1S.-Before we went out tonight
the boss says, "Oil that number, Charles"
oiled it good and plenty and we hadn't
got six blocks before the oil had taken up
dust enough to hide the number. We got
a grocery delivery cart and grazed an old
man with a wheelbarrowf load of bricks.
Sept. 19.-Say, I'm all in. That Charles,
the chuffer, is here today at all is a
mystery to me an the police. The boss
had gone away again and as 1t came up
thick and foggy, we took her out. Couldn't
L IL 81
Peters and 10 and Heenys was along.
7 had Il her p pulled out to ffty-six
miles an hour and we were split
ting the wind when Heeny says,
'Wot's that?" Then "bang!!" I know I
went about million feet and the air was
full of Heenys Joes, Jims and the like.
When I come to I heard we had lit into
wagonload Of building stone. The au-
| tomobiletleoked like aaclosed-up accordion.
lost few ribs, Jim was killed and the
other boys are in the hospital. Wisht I'd
been killed. = The old man hollered like a
spanked child. II SAYS, }E'It ain't no use
getting mad. We didn't go to do it." I
thought he'd have ~apct,teNy'~tl sure.
He ought not to excite himself like that.
| cost him $500. and was imported. I says
charge it off against my wages. Then he
| was sore..- However. Charles, the chuffer,
is all in, as I said before. It's me with no
job, three broken spindles and winter
coming on. Up. s.-The junk man was
| out and offered $18 for the rest of the
automobile.) Poor old man! The boss
has had stroke. knew it. It seems
i that when we ran into that cart We
I cracked one Of the building stones and
! the contractor sent in a bill to the boss.
! There has been slight preacher editor
i war in certain North Dakota town,
1>~rL ,1>;t tro1 +ir,rr he
! press for giving a half column to a Sun
day baseball game and two Inches to the
| preachers sermon. The editor replied
| that there was only one preacher while
there were eighteen baseball players, and
400 people attended the ball game while
only forty-six heard what the preacher
had to say. Matthew Arnold's Saving
remnant" perhaps. -
Speaking Of Miss Barrymore sprainine
her ankle in getting out Of Omaha, the
Redwood Reveille rooster expresses nc
| wonder. He says:
"Any sane person who is a native Of
j Gods country and who ever tried Omaha
as a place Of, residence, would gladly
sprain his entire system trying to get ou
) of that town. We've tried it and know
Harvey Landor Of Minneapolis stopped
at La Crosse hotel long enough fol
the hotel reporter of the Chronicle tt
: draw story from him. Mr.. Landor tolt
of Minneapolis woman who tried to bt
masculine Her husband had Spoken
once or twice Of, her ultra -femininity
and she determined to improve. Ont
night he was away late. She sat ane
, waited, for him until she had worked her
self into a nervous state, and then wen
, to bed. After while she was awakened
| by a noise down stairs. She Immediately
remembered that she had left a Parlo
: window unlocked, and she was sure sh
could hear It being raised. Then sh
Heard soft, steps in the hall. She wa
: frightened but there was no one to sum
mon for aid. Then she thought of he
husbands words, and wondered what :
man would do. He would order that fel
low out, of course. she thought. So sh
rose and stepped out to the, landing
sure enough a man was coming VI
the stairs. She gasped r. littl
once or twice., and then, speakin,
in the deepest tones that she coult
J muster demanded, 'Who in h is tina
down there?'' She was almost paralyze'
to hear her husband say in the meekes
Of tones, It's only me, dear q"
Kobo Tendzai has made collection 0
r Japanese humorous stories which ar
, now being published in the Japan Week
l ly Mail. A translation of few of tn
stories does not show a high order Q
wit but does show that the same Oh
:. material is used the world over. TIL
!, principal butt of Japanese ridicule i
, these stories seems to be the doctors
One who pres cribes wrong medicine"
, called a "yabu.'' which may be- freel
s translated a.t'quack,'' tho this is not tn
exact meaning. To show how the orien
g tai mind works with humorous material
. the following story is given:
!. AS a doctor was going along a roa
: one day, a passerby happened to knoc
$ against him. The doctor flew into
q raaH, and, raising his hand, was abou
3 to Ntrike the man who had knocke
against him, when the latter, prostratin
: himself on the ground said: Please d
not touch me with your hand, but kic
8 me instead Asked by somebody nea
: why he made this request. the man re
! piled: Those who are handled by doc
i tors nearly all die. It is better to
: kicked
9 And they thought this was funny
) Japan. That is the people did Whs
the doctors thought may be left to con
q lecture. "A. ]. r.