Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1904-04-09
WVGS
M4RD
%~)EZV

dom of the citizens who lived under the
starry banner.
But his cup of woe was not filled until
there came to the company an old timer
who had served all over the plains ana
whom no amount of discipline could cure or
his convivial habits. He was in the guard
house half the time, but his offcnses were
never greater than taking drop too much
now and then. At such times he would alb
sent himself without leave and get into the
guard house again when he was roundeo
up. Half his pay was devoted to paying his
fines, but that fact did not deter the Ger
man from envying him with all his heart.
One day after the old timer had Deen
caught on spree and landed In the guaru
house the German expressed his feelings on
the subject. Said he to his comrades IN the
company quarters
Dot Irishman sure is a lucky man. Goes
out ven he pleases; comes back ven ne
pleases; gets drunk ven he peases; might
shoost as veil be an officer"
x r X <
1t is probable that nowhere in the uinleu
States can there be found such unique
collection OF I ames, real names OF ac.oai
pee pie, as in the list of inventors who have
received letters patent on devices OF their
own origination in the United States pat
ent office The writers of farce comedies
have for years INDUCED in that whimsical
play on words which produced names for
their characters which in themselves made
laughs" The late Charles Hoyt was prob
ably the premier of this class of writer's.
and his names 'Welland Strong" the
principal male character in the "Trip to
Chinatown" I. McCorker."e the book agent
in THE Parlor Match" steele Ayres."
bardmaster in THE Milk White Flag"
have become famous throughout the coun-
try. The names seemed to be as much a
part of the play the characters them
selves and were often more laugh provok-
ing. And it is not supposed that such COM
binations would be found in real life The
names OF the people who have made up
the great inventive genluSeS OF the Amerl-
can people would seem to show that real
people do often have most unusual names
i For instance there is one man on the list
whose name is Coffin. 1t is alleged at the
patent office that at the time of the birth
of this man some jocular person With a
sense of humor several times larger than
his bump of humanity, offered his father
80 to be permitted to give the child a
Christian name. The offer was accepted
and the joker instantly supplied the word
Mahogany" and so the youngster was
chrisitened. Thus does the list in inventors
bear the name of Mahogany Coffin, most
lugubriouS cognomen.
The combination of the Christian names
with the initial of the middle name ana
the surname often produces unusual re-
suits The patent list gives the following
as examples of this style: James b. Still,
George b. Quick. John B. Straight; James
B. Noble and Rodney B. Swift. The sur
name might alone be unusual, however;
Thus we can find Elizabeth He'll and
Charles Lavender Setup. 1t seems
odds that most of the names to De
found deal with humanity almost exclu-
sively and can be made into most grue-
some story as follows: A Scarf begins TO
Foster and causes Pain; Blood is let ana
Doctor Barker is called in. He is 1oiioweu
by the Parsons, who Pray. but to no avail.
The victim becomes as a Wrath and Death
ensues when the Corpse is put In CONN
and carried among the Graves, while the
Sexton tolls a Kneu and the Deacon prays
the dear departed may become an Angel.
The only thing left for the poor mite OF hui
manity is to Decay and this name too, IS
found among the hundreds in the index
There is Mr. Trolley among the Hst OF
inventors quite appropriate 1t would SEEM
and hundreds of others of more or less pc
culiar sound to the ear tuned for more eu-
phonious names.
j. K x X x
Some of the small boys of the city evil
IDENTIFY consider some of Assessor Darneille'
assistant on the board of personal tax ap-
praisers in the same class with the DOGGY
man. The other day lady teacher In
one of the public schools in Georgetown
was endeavoring to explain to the pupils
the system of assessments and taxation by
means of which revenues are derived for
the support Of tie local and general govern
ments.
The teacher was explaining the method
| of assessing property and mentioned the
personal tax appraisers, when one little Eel
| low held up his hand and said, in weird,
| soto voce:
Eyes, teacher / know 'em. Two of EN-
was up on 35th street the other day, and
they was 'sessin' horse"