davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1904-03-05
A Parable by Lowell

James Russell Lowell frequently
manifested his deep ethical spirit. His
religious opinions. never very dog
matte, were sometimes echoed in
poetry that showed fine spiritual in
sight. Usually, however, it is the
moral alone that interests him. The
spirit rather than the letter was the
purpose of his moralizing. Probably
his most successful parable is con-
tained in "The Vision of Sir Launfal."
The following parable, though inferior
to the other in artistic shape, is no
less pointed and inspiring:
Said Christ, our Lord Il will go and see
How the men, my brethren, believe in
} me-"
He passed not again through the gate
But made himself known to the children
of earth.
Then said the chief priests and rulers and
Behold. now, the Giver of all good
things:
Him who alone is mighty and great
With carpets of gold the ground they
Wherever the Son of Man should tread.
And in palace-chambers, lofty and rare.
They lodged him and served him with
kingly fare. -.
Their jul}ilant floods In praise OF him; =
And In church and palace and Judgment
II. saw saw Il. Image high i over iii. ..sI.=
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1904-03-05
HE SMASHED LIKE MOSES.

oaio Mayor Willing to Break a Few
Laws to Defeat the Coal Trust. :.
while the price of coal was soaring
during the dead of last winter Mayoi
| Bellmeyer of Bellevue, Ohio, took
ylgorpmus q m methods to relieve the situa
st1of. thee consent 81 the co,ins ,ls
ellis he had riot call sounded on the
fire bell. 49,.
There was an immediate response
OF citizens. From these a brigade OF
shovelers was organized and marched
to the railroad. Six car loads OF
coal, lying on the tracks. were ordered
confiscated by the mayor. The needy
people were then relieved by the
coal distribution, which was made in
ton lots. :.
This action naturally brought re
monstrances from certain sensitive
citizens, but remained unheeded by
the determined mayor.
1T is wrong, sir, entirely wrong, te
thus take the law into your own
hands, said remonstrant.
But l have a biblical example fol
my action protested Billmeyer.
What! for stealing coal?'
NO; for taking the law in my owu
hands, said the mayor. you recollect
that when Moses came down the
mountain he smashed the ten com
mandments on seeing the people knee
before the golden calf. Well, sir, the
coal barons may worship the golden
calf, but I'll smash few laws while
they are doing it."
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1904-03-05
Dinner With the Rector.

"The other day I was out of town."
said a smart churchman in Broad
street, with my rector. We stopped
for dinner at farm hotel, if you
know what that is. When we sat
down to the repast it was about the
worst ever saw. and my spiritual di
rector agreed with me. In fact, 1t was
too much for me, and simply baked.
But the rector laid to, and was eyi.
IDENTITY re1ishing ft;when sald to hinal;,
in the language of Paul to the Ro.
mans. y. -
"Let not him that eateth despiss.
him that eateth not :
"Whereupon the rector, who was
quicker in the Book than I, replied:
"'And he that doubteth is damned
if he eat-same chapter Paul to the
Romans, last verse;
Before could command my tongue
had said, I'll be damned If I'll eat!'
He had the best of me according tc
St. Paul, but had the best of him &C.
cording to the way l felt.'-New York
Herald
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1904-03-05
Wrecked tho Machin.

There is, or rather was. new slot
machine. It appeared in. a Bowery
museum" but is now laid up for 70.
pairs. The inscription read: Drop a
penny in the slot. press the button. and
see q wild, mad dance" A typical
East Side "spieler" was the tlrst VIC
tim Of record. He produced the COP
per coin, dropped it into the slot, gave
the button vigorous push and
promptly executed Z mad dance" !"
There was a stout needle concealed
in the center Of the push button. and
the pressure on this button, besides
sending the needle into the finger.
exposed mirror In which the victim
could see his contortions. 5{s=s IS II..s 5.5s
The "spieler" smashed the machine
TO pieces and threatened 10 bring hls.
friends and 'clean ont the placs Il
the proprietor resented 10 dsstrrutlc,,,
tion.-lll lew York Post &
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1904-03-05
SSheFWent as Express"

The man had just sprung the old
Joke OF If you can't express your
thoughts, send them by freight" when
the woman said she had once express
ed herself.
Really, I literally expressed my
SELF" she said. "You see, l was to
meet my husband in Boston, and we
were to take certain train out of the
city, where we were going to give a
musical entertainment that evening.
He said he would probably be little
iate and told me to get on a certain
train and he would board 1t in hurry
with both our tickets. Therefore. when
I found myself in the Boston station
without more than five cents in my
pocketbook l was not at all disturbed
until I found that I was late for the
train was to take out of the city.
Il rushed wildly for it. only to sec
it sweep out of the station as my
husband clambered up on to the last
car. OF course, he thought I was on
the train somewhere instead of in the
station with only five cents in my
purse. 1t was absolutely necessary
for me to take the next train or be
an hour late for the musical entertain
ment, which could not proceed with
out me.
II appealed to the ticket agent to
give me a ticket, telling him l would
send back the money just as soon as
I reached T. and my husband l
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1904-03-05
- Wanted the DOGS Place.

Counselor NJ. A. Lesser says that
one Of the most pathetic pleas he ever
heard was made out of court, and it
was not delivered by lawyer.
One afternoon a fashionably dressed
woman came spinning down Riverside
Drive in an automobile. On the seat
beside her was small pet dog. A
beautiful little girl in charge of
nurse was playing with a go-cart near
the roadside. When the child saw the
approaching automobile, she held up
both hands and exclaimed:
"Oh, mammal
What is it, my dear?" inquired the
woman.
Say, ma pleaded the little girl,
looking rather enviously at the dog:
IF Fido died would you take me out
with you in the auto? 1 don't like al
ways having to go in the baby car
riage with Annie. New York Times.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1904-03-05

explained to him that my husband
would tie sure to meet me, and l could
send the money back at once. He
said such a course was against the
rules and he could do nothing for
me. A Dig policeman heard my story
and he sug sested that we visit the ex-
press company in the station, as the
man in charge was resourceful fel-
low. and he might think of something.
with little courage I explained
my predicament to the express CON-
p~nys man, and he scratched his
head for some time over it. Finally
he said: I'll tell you what I'll do, ma
dam. l s'pose your story is all right,
but l have no way of knowing. Now
Ia express you to your husband c..
". d.. and put you in charge of the con-
ductor. II your husband meets you
at the station and pays charges it
will be all right. II he doesn't the
conouctor must bring you back to the
city. Is it a go?''
Il promptly assented, and he tied
very business]ike tag to the button
hole OF my coat. tag clearly ad-
dressed to my husband. and with c..
O. D. on it in large letters. The
conductor thought it was a huge Joke,
but he was ready to carry out his
part of it. Of course my husband
met me at the station. and all charges
were paid. but I felt mighty foolish
during that Journey"
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1904-03-05
5s.R TORY FROM 1 MANILA.
ssV the Transport Sherman Wa,
81 Cleared st g5O, 600 Rode nts. + :5s

sf!osv the ransport / Sherman Il NNal
Cleared 81 s50, 900 Rodents. zs$.1
III HID hen the United States militar,
transport 1 EEfEls Sherman arrived at Manile
recently she was, as. is the; case with
most other ships that arrive from OF
touch y at Hong Kong on the way tc
Manila, detained for. inspection to see
slf ;.lf9isslh she had any rats on board. When
the big transport dropped anchor in
Manila bay, therefore, the official rat
inspector went ON board to see what
4 VAS doing in the way of rodents. In
less than fifteen minutes he hurried1y
5lefft the ship and, going ashore, re:
ported that there was on board the
Sherman, according to the patent rat
.etMnlmerator M in use at Manila, no fewer
than $50, 900 rats. u,
The Sherman was Immediately or.
8dered to the, quarantine station al
#Mariveles, as no ship on which the
disease carrying rodents are found is
allowed to dock at Manila until they
ARE exterminated. Accordingly the
4 sherman steamed back to Mariveles
When she arrived there her matches
Ehad been opened up and enough sui
zphur carried below to kill millions OF
rats. As soon as the anchor was
|tdropped the sulphur fires were started
IN IN the hold, and in few minutes the
work of the fumes became apparent.
+ Out of the matches there poured
such a stream of rats as was never
Shefore seen in the Orient. First by
the hundreds, and then by the thou
sands, they appeared at the matches
and then leaped into the water. Every
i =one 81 tried to swim ashore, but the dis
stance was far too great for any rat tt
swim, and soon the great black line
OF padding rodents began to thin out
Some of them reached point about
$50 yards off the ship, but none go1
any farther. After the fumes had
been working for about an hour the
frt rats stopped appearing. An inspection
of the ship was made and not a raj
discovered. The Sherman then re-
entered Manila and discharged he1
| cargo.-Manila American.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1904-03-05
q. - :: @ -
3@Mz 3 Mo1azzc. !! 4Mz~r 9aqzS:
'":+s r. x. Muv,kittx1ck.
Mx1kifkxick.

mails we might enjoy the novelty of
seeing a dog and cat covered with
stripes and spots in such a way as
to cause the observer endowed with
an ordinarily lively sense of humor to
note in these sartorial envelopes large
imperial wads of suggestion in the
way of loud and noisy effects that
would make the fortune of any Lon
don tailor.
And this quite naturally leads us
to wonder in vain why nature did not
decorate some member Of the cat
family with certified checks that
would run diagonally athwart the
beast, even as the pastry suspenders
caper across the heaving bosom of
the cranberry pie,
and establishment of the pelts OF
wild and domestic animals would un.
doubtedly have the effect of working
wonders in the useful field of en-
broidery Poetidal and highly imagin-
ative women, whether home, school
vi C1uD III I4C al VI HAJ
the needle, would strive for all sorts
of rococo and bizarre effects.
We suppose that the spots of the
leopard and the circus horse alike are
numbered, even as are the pleasant
spots in life which we would not
change if we could. The spots to
which we ever return with renewed
pleasure. The spots made sweet, for
example, by the One and Only divin-
ity that embroiders the fadeless flow
crs and impossible giraffes into the
lunch cloth of our life and fancy, even
if she does spot the said cloth with
the tea biscuit of her own sweet
make. constructed after the formula
of the cooking club, which, in the
process OF digestion, causes us to see
the widest kind of animals imagin.
able, covered with all sorts of spots
and other things, filing our dream
with Arabian nightmares that seethe
and ,i=zle and snort like SO many
redhct automobiles rattling and
slamDanging over a crowded street.
Philadelphia Ledger.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1904-03-05

But still, wherever his steps they led,
Inc Lord in sorrow bent down his head,
And from under the heavy foundation
stones
The Son of Mary heard bitter groans
And pd,j in church and palace and judgment
lie marked great assures that rent the
And opened. wider and yet more wide
AS s,ls the living foundation heaved and
Haye aye yf f,fo founded your thrones and al
On the bodies and souls of living men?
AND think ye that building shall endure
"h1eh shelters the noble and crushes
with gates of silver and bars of golo
fe Father.s adbe senGGc ne, my sheep from their
In heaven these eighteen hundred years"
20 Lord and Master, not ours the guilt
We build but as our. fathers built:
Behold thine Images, how thew stand
Sovereign and sole. through ali our land.
'Our task is hard-with sword and flame
To hold thine earth forever the same.
Still, as thou leftest them, thy sheep"
Then Christ sought out an artisan.
A low-browed, stunted. haggard man.
And motherless girl, whose fingers
Pushed from her family want and sin.
These set he in the midst of them, 5.
And as they drew back their garment
For fear Of defilement. 10. here.'' said
IS The images ye have made =of msi..
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1904-03-05
VOICE or 4 HIS CHILDHOOD.
Why Mr.. Brown Quit Complaining
T About the Baby. E3r 50 za5=.$ 81.

Why Mr. Brown Quit Complaining
e. H. About the Baby. 4. !. z*.=. 5=.
1T is q good story, and Mrs. Brown
had to tell It conf dentlally. Then It.
leaked, until Mr.. Brown himself heard,
of its true inwardness, and since then
he has found no fault with his crying
baby. r ,- i s:s.. Ri i. = M d
Charlie that's Mr.. BROWN was
awfully annoyed by the crying Of our
dear little Tommy" said Mrs. Brown.
and the fact lis that his complaining
was harder to endure than the baby's
howls. Finally / had an inspiration.
>.''One morning, at the agonizing hour
of four o'clock, Charlie was awakened
by q most unearthly baby yelling and
screaming, and sat up in bed with
start T..s< 49, -. So, -lt
Cant you stop that baby?' he de-
manded. Did you ever in your life
before hear such racket from pair
of lungs? don't think that there
ever was a mortal, or an immortal.
who made such an earsplitting, sleep
destroying noise since babies were in
vented until this blessed moment
''Yes there was, Charlie, I, an
swered, quite calmly, and you were
that very baby. 1 have prepared a
lesson for you. You are now listen
ing to your own voice. s. ~
"'You are crazy!' he exclaimed.
"'Not a bit, replied When you
were the age of Tommy you were just
such bowling terror as he is, and
for future use your mother set up a
phonograph to preserve your voice
She sent me the cylinder yesterday.
and you will find it in our GRAPHIC.
phone -. ..~> =
"He made no audible reply, but he
did apparently mutter something un,
der his breath, and then turned over
and went to sleep. He hasn't com,
planned of Tommy's voice since,> and
it has occurred to him, that there was
no such thing as photograph until
long after he was a baby
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1904-03-05
Chinese and American Food.

The food the Chinese eat is relisheo
by many Americans, 1t is generally
cooked in cleanly manner, and only
choice meats, cut in small pieces, are
used in it--porlk, beef and breast OF
chicken and duck, with such delicate
vegetables as young bamboo, mush-
rooms. celery and water nuts. Chi
nese food is, however, very rich and
heavy, and Americans rarely eat it
except at night. The Chinaman's s
breakfast in America Is very much
like what the Americans breakfast is.
It generally consists Of coffee, bread,
eggs and ham. After breakfast the
Ch1nese-American eats Chinese food,
but for the morning meal he cannot
stand his own cooking.-Philadetphia
Record.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1904-03-05

1t must strike the thinker and STU
dent Of affairs as more than passing
strange that twenty-pound coach
dog is the glad possessor> of some
thing like twenty to thirty times as
many spots as are scattered over the
oleaginous anatomy of the common
or preferred porker of commerce. OF
course the aforesaid porker has larger
spots than those which make the gay
and festive bowwow symphony of
polka dots.
Nature was generous, not to say
.prodigal. when she spotted the leop-
ard, which she did with so fearful and
wonderful a regularity as to warrant
the artistic suspicion that she en-
,ployed stencil, that the epidermis of
the said quadruped might display that
same so-called beauty peculiar to wall
paper, in which the roses all blow, or
Sag, in the same direction, and at the
same angle. 1t may have been wise
provision of old Mother Nature to
decorate the leopard in such a way
that when its pelt should finally come
to be parlor rug the spots would be
Uniform and in harmony with those
of the plaster covering and so fit the
floor with the same stereotyped cor
rectness that the paper fits the wall
Perhaps the pig would like to have
the few large maplike spots changed
dnto an argosy of small ones of vari-
GUS shapes to correspond with the
boxed and be-ribboned chocolates"
that find favor in the gold or cerulean
optics of Clara We're de We're. On this
line Of reasoning, if it may be prop
erly called such, the theory may be
advanced that the tiger envies the
leopard his spots and that the leopard
gazes with the green eye upon the
tigers gorgeous stripes.
= So may the coach dog yearn for the
stripes Of the bulldog, while the bull
dog in all probability would gladly
give mis- ears, or what remains of
them, for the spots that make the
coach dog look like a vitalized box
of dominoes. BY crossing these ami
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1904-03-05
Pay Of European Statesmen.

On the continent OF Europe Spain
and Italy alone do not remunerate their
legislators direct. On the other hand.
travelling expenses and other privileges,
attach to the office. Members Of both
the, French houses have IS a day,
which places them on an equality In.
the matter with their Austrian con-
temporaries. The Belgian represents
tive is $40 a week the richer for his
ofice;; members OF both the Portu-5
guese houses are content with $500
weekly. Switzerland j Asksrds Its ma
.tional council illors $3.50 1 uay, those
,of the council 81 state realizing 80 i.
week
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1904-03-05
School Music and Mad Cats,

r. A ladies' school of music in sub.
urb> of Vienna has owned three cats
during the course Of the past year,
and each has gone raving mad. ac.
cording to the testimony Of axveterfn.
ary surgeon. The ,diurnal discord with.
in the establishment is reported to
be ear-torturing in the extreme The
school now owns a deaf cat, which
sits out the strumming OF dozen
pianos with sphinx-like imperturbabil
ity. 3sH3sz 81 = 3:s .s /. d. .:s.5
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1904-03-05
No Longer a Reformer.

No Longer Reformer.
Former Resident (back at the old
home on a visit)-What has become
of I-nstigo. who used to be such a loud
howlcr against monopolists, corpora
tions and all that sort of thing?
Old Citizen-He's here still. but he
isn't doing any bowling now. He
found vein OF coal In his land a few
years ago
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1904-03-05
|||B[||||((|||,Jl'|||l||!''|I|||||||!'|!!| | | : ! :! : |! :!
.)ll||' F ! III
Not FIattered.

Not FIattered.' ].
I'm going to put you in a book, ;"
said the author. r>* <
III you do," was the reply, "I'll give
you picture for the second edition"
''Will you, really?" .,>.
@'You bet will really. All you will
have to do is to sit for your picture
after get through with you and you'll
have an. illustration that will attract
attention" 49,.
"And yet," said the author to him
self, people think this business is a
perfectly safe one. Little they know
the excitement and dangers of it,
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1904-03-05
How 1t Came to Pass.

How 1t Came to Pass.
Dad" said the rural youngster to
his home returning parent, what do
you reckon has done took ca hap
pened?"
How kin I te1l?"
"The lightnin' an thunder has kilt
yer two brindle COWS an five hogs!"
That's bad, my son: but can't be
everywhere. Providence knowed / wuz
aaway from lhomtee,, III, Ftook adV dVan{age
of my absence!''
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1904-03-05
Wasn't Detected,

Wasn't Detected.
Il used a sermon this morning" :"
said the Rev. DR.. Fourthly, that |
preached many years ago, but, FORUM
ately, there was only one member of
the congregation present that heard
it the first time"
who was that?" asked his wife.
Deacon Ironside. And fortunately
again-1 may say providentially-the
deacon slept through the whole of it,"
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1904-03-05
Then They Ciinched.

Then They Ciinched.
Didn't think I could speak, did you,
eh?'' said Bragg, 'exultantly, after his
first attempt at post-prandial oratory.
We'll, confess can't imagine any,
thing so marvellous that has happened
for years."
Nothing like it in a century, eh?"
'Oh. longer than that. Not since
Balaam's time"
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1904-03-05

He-1ve got me fathers nose and
mouth.
She-Well, the old man was lucky
to get rid of them.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1904-03-05

When Hiram coughs he throws his arm:
And all his dearest friends alarms;
In fear they move about the place
Because he turns black in the face
When Hiram coughs,
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1904-03-05
When Hiram Couohs

When Hiram coughs the kittens new,
The dog the kitchen door strides thro';
The blinds fly back. the windows shake
AS If the glass in them would break
When Hiram coughs.
When Hiram coughs folks look around
For some big opening in the ground;
The terror in their faces show
An earthquake is at work below
When Hiram coughs.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1904-03-05
New Use Tor Aluminium.

Aluminium is superior to any, stone
Tor sharpening cutlery. sf
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1904-03-05

When Hiram coughs! Men sane, discreet
Claim it must come up thro' his feet
While other folks, not over brave,
Think it a voice from out the grave
When Hiram cOuGhs
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1904-03-05

thousand things-drugs, nostrums, pills
thought to relieve such human ills
He has tried, and they have his curse,
For constantly his case grows worse
And Hiram couphs
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1904-03-05

trust he soon may get relief,
Because it Is my firm belief,
Unless he does, that frightful cough
Will very shortly take him Off
Still Hiram coughs.
+; -Thom as f. Porter in Boston journal.