Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1904-07-09
LIES THE MAPS TELL
NOT ABOUT LOCATION, BUT IN THE
MATTER OF NAMES.
For Instance, Greenland Isn't Green
by Amy Means. Nor Is the Black
Sea BIacIS-The German Ocean Isn't
German, and 1t Isn't an Ocean.

III lew places VIII you ma more
healthy, robust lies to the square inch
than an average map, and this is the
document that is daily placed in the
hands of our young.
Begin up north and take Greenland.
Was there ever more fragrant impos-
tire than the name Of this country?
It isn't green and never was green and
never will be green. Here is what the
gazetteer says about this "green" coun-
try:
ut is high and rocky and barren 1t
is covered with eternal snow and gla-
ciers. July is the only month in which
there is no snow" There's picture OF
greenness for you!
How did it get called green? Well,
by an INSCRIPTIONS falsehood Oh the
part of a tenth century reprobate
called Eric the Red of Iceland. This
ancient shark accidentally ran against
the ice patch in question with few
other Icelanders of his own kidney.
He cut back to Iceland and doomed
it for all he was worth.
He called it Greenland and to delude
the Iceland investors and general pub
lie said it was a wonderful green coun-
try which he wished them to visit
with their families and take shares in
some mines he had discovered. Well,
some of the deluded creatures went.
They never returned to good old Ice
land any more.
But there are plenty Of equally gross
impostures. Take the Black sea, for
instance. Why black? Who said it
was black? 1t is no more black than
it is pink or purple. The ancients call
ed it the "Euxine"-which means Gin
hospitable"- That was another
good old fiction. 1t is not at all an in
hospitable sea, for, having no tides, it
is one Of the easiest to navigate Now
and again there are big storms, just to
give the sea a realistic touch, but gen.
orally speaking it isn't black, and it
isn't inhospitable.
The Cape of Good Hope! Good
Hope, indeed! Ask anybody who has
been round that promontory what they
think of it. The only good hope" they
experience is good hope that they
will soon get ashore, for it is one of
the toughest and stormiest places
known to mariners. What we should
call a cyclone on the North sea would
be smiled at round the cape as bit Of
breeze. The gentleman who called 1t
Cape Of Good Hope was a crude sort
of humorist. He made his money in
the king business, styling himself John
III. of Portugal. His faithful subject
Diaz discovered it and told his majesty
that he had called it the STORMY
cape" But the king would have none
of it. He said that he hoped Diaz
would find something else round the
other side next time he went to the
cape, so he called it Cape Of Good
Hope.
Why the Dead sea? The locality
may be as dead as doornail, but the
sea itself is pretty lively. 1t is the
safest piece of water on the face of
the earth, ten times as salt as the
ocean, OF course there is no particular
vegetation roundabout, and the sea is
free from monsters, but that doesn't
make the sea itself dead. 1t is really
a most live sea.
Why English channel? It's 40 more
English than it's French. The French
themselves don't call it English at all,
but simply la Manche."
Then was ever more absurd name
given to that Bit of water which sepa-
rates England from Holland, called
the German ocean? Why German?
There's nothing German about it and
never has been.A Dutch, Belgian or
British, If you like, but not German.
Then why ocean? 1t is not an ocean at
| all. There is piece Of water that size
between Australia and Tasmania, If
anything rather wider, which they call
| a strait-Bass strait. Just fancy the
absurdity of teaching the child mind to
think that crossing to Ostend or Ant
werp is an ocean trip.
| North sea, too, is absurd. Why north?
It is not north of anything in particu-
lar. 1t is east of Britain, west of Hol-
land, Belgium and Denmark and south
Of Norway and Sweden. 1t is not a
north sea at all.
There are some islands in the Pacific
why Pacific, by the way? Where
does the peace come in on that DESC
late, typhoony, billowy, tidal wavy will
derness called the Friendly islands?
Look at the encyclopedias version OF
| their friendliness: ''They are volcanic
and earthquakes are frequent Islands
are frequently upheaved. Hurricanes
are constant" Then the friendly ma
| tives! The sole reason the islands were
called Friendly is because when Cap
tain Cook visited them he found the
natives had not got any arms. So they
were friendly. No doubt! But when
the missionaries tried to convert them
| they had a different tale to tell. For
thirty years they endured ga perilous
struggle with the savage paganism of
the inhabitants"
could call your attention to dozens
I -. Il ~