davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-03-26

THE armless wonder" said the fat
lady, lis man of excellent traits. He
has always laid aside half of his earn
ings. and now he has enough money to
retire on"
Yes, commented the Circassion
princess, who was bleaching her wig
preparatory TO accepting a situation as
an albino. Il have always thought the
armless wonder was forehanded.'-
Judge.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-03-26
To share the Blame.

Wont you be glad Tommy, when
your baby brother is as big as you are
now?" asked the caller.
You bet Twill" replied Tommy. then
he'll be licked fur some o the things
that git licked fur low. Philadel-
Dhia Press
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-03-26

Patience-She is Always talking about
her enemies.
Patrice-Why. | thought she was al
ways talking about herself?
We'll she's her own worst enemy. -
YonherS Statesman.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-03-26
As Usual.

Ernie-Why was Mrs. Wigs so late
in attending the meeting OF the Society
OF Universal Peace?
Ida-She had a spat with her husband
because ne refused TO mind the baby =
Chicago Daily News
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-03-26
About the size of

Ideals die too fast. It's said;
But why should people mourn7
For every one that shuffies Off
At least two more are born
Cincinnati ENQUIRER
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-03-26
The Limit.

Bibson-Foogs is becoming auto
cratic.
Giibson-Worse; he's becoming auto
mObilistic-JuGee
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-03-26
Learning the Chippewa.

Somebody's Dad-DiclNey, if Mime
haha means laughing water and Min
neapolis means city of waters, what
does Minnesota mean?
Somebody's Kid--Soda water.-Cin-
cinnau Commercial Tribune
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-03-26
Her OnI, opportunity.

Penelope hear Miss Angular II.
engaged again.
Maude-Y Yes: she's engaged about
every leap-y ear.-Judge.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-03-26
Fishing for Fischer.

A ishy old fisher named Fischer
Fishej fish from JEe edge OF The fissure;
cod with a grin.
Pulled the fisherman in
Now tLey t. fishing he assure for FiAche r
Cincinnati Tribune
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-03-26

Church-Did You say your boy is
still pursuing his studies at college?
Gotham Yes. he hasn't caught up
with them yet Yonkers Statesman.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-03-26

Nodd-Awfully sorry to hear your
home burned down. Did you save
anything?
Todd-Oh. yes After some very
lively work we succeeded in getting
out all the things We uidn't want
Town and Country.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-03-26
Briuxs Hs own Reward.

Uncle Peter. how have you managed
hair at your age?"
by never buttin in where | amt
wanted reckon. "-Chicago Tribune
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-03-26
A Heavy I.oss.

Il lost a pot Of money at the track yes
terday. Had a tip on Flyaway for the
fourth event"
And he LOST"
No. he won But didn't have a cent
to play Judge.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-03-26
The Truly Poor.

Joltem-Isnt it queer those old-tim-
ers didn't have any clothes they could
cali their own?
Boltit-Why, what do you mean?
Joltem-Well, you know the Bible
says: They rent their garments. -
Cincinnati Enquirer.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-03-26
quite "a Memory.

Il remember we'll" began Miss Pan
say. when / was about ten years of
age"
How remark able!" INTERCEPTED Miss
Sharpe. Philadelphia Public Ledger.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-03-26
A Choice os Evils.

Miss Chatterton? think III send
her word thai I'm out"
your"
Yes. but I'd rather listen to the still
small voice than TO Miss Chatterton. p"
Puck
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-03-26
Good Resolutions.

Customhouse Omcer-Have you any
thing to declare?
Seasick Passeuger-Yes; | declare
that I'll never so TO sea any more
Ally Sloper.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-03-26

Mr.. Newwed-This dinner isn't
cooked like my mother used to cook her
dinners.
Mrs. Newwed-If you made as much
money as my father used to make. |
wouldn't have to cook Chicago
Journal
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-03-26
Good Nature

Good Natured Brown.
An optimist-he's thankful for
Most anything-is Brown
He cares not what turns ap, SIR. nor
How often he's turned down
Philadelphia Ledger
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-03-26

HE much discussed squadron
of the imperial russian ma
Wy will occupy the worlds
stage shortly, and under the
command of Admiral Mara
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-03-26
How u Works.

Prison Superintendent-Her lot
of Official documents showing that the
man who has been in cell 80 for the
last ten years has been found limo
cent OF the crime for which he was
convicted.
Assistant-Humi What's to be done
now?
OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES him out
N. Y. Weekly
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-03-26

The way wis Money Goes.
Who is that fellow who says he has
money 10 burn"
Stock holder in a fire insurance COM
pa.ny."-N Y Times.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-03-26

why Is II. asked the human interro-
'ation mark. that coroners DO not hold
IN inquest over the body of every per-
son who dies?"
IL is only necessary where a person
accidentally killed or dies without
medical advice" replied the man who
knows things. When a man shuffies
OH this mortal coil after being attended
by physician everybody knows why he
aied. and there is no need of an in
quest. -Cincinnati Enquirer.
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1904-08-18
PEACE EFFORT FAILS.
Mayor Harrison Unable to End the
Packers Strike.

Chicago, Aug. lS.--The effort oi
Mayor Harrison to end the meatpack-
ers' strike accomplished nothing. In
fact, conferences with the packers and
labor leaders were not held as expe2ted.
Without waiting for the time set, the
packers sent committee to Mayor
Harrison and informed him it would
do no good to arrange joint coniernece
with the strike leaders.
The committee contended that the
packers had already won the strike and
had no reason to meet the strikers.
The packers told the mayor he should
consider that they controlled Chicago Is
greatest industry and had such vast in
terests at stake that they could not be
dominated by their employees, that they
wanted to be fair, that prices of meat
had not been raised and would not be
raised because of the strike, that they
could not accept a1ybody's nterven-
tion.
On the other hand, the strike leaders
were equally antagonistic. President
Donnelly declared he did not expect to
be present at the time the conference
was to meet. He said his reason was
that al the hour named he had to adj
dress the Hog Butchers union.
"And the hog butchers are a great
deal more important to ne than the
said the head of the strikers.
Harrison was too long getting in.
He has heard our say for fair police
treatment and has ignored it. He need
not think that now he can snap his
fingers or whistle and have us come to
do his bidding"
The mayor is reported to have saiG
in reply that he was satisfied that his
good offices were useless and he would
make no further effort to bring about
between the packers and strik-
ers,
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1904-08-18
HOP nEN IN HIGH GLte.
Crop VIII Be Large, and Qualify Bet.
ter Than Last Year.

Albany-Plospects are very bright
for Linn county hopgrowers this yeal.
The yield is expected to be fully as
large as that Of last year, and the quail
ity OF the product much better.
The weather has been all that hop
men could desire, and the crop is free
from vermin, Picking will comm ance
the last OF this month. The prices for
picking VIII be the same as last wear.
But few contracts for sale of hops
have been made up to this time. The
prevailing price for those few sales
that have been made is 20 to 81 cents.
Although growers have made no effort
to sell their hops before the season Is
fairly opened, yet there does not seem
to be any disposition to hold the crop,
az there was last year. This is thought
to be due to the fact that the slump in
prices late in the season last year
caused loss Of thousands OF dollars to
those who were holding for top prices.
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1904-08-18
OREGON NEWS OF INTEREST
FINE TIMBER DESTROYED.
Fire on ficCulIY Mountain Supposed
to Have Been Set by Campers.

Albany--The forest fires which have
been raging in the mountains OF Oregon
for the past ten days are having the
usual effect on valley towns. A pail
OF smoke, so thick that the eyes burn,
hangs over Albany, and the horizon Is
narrowed down to a very short dis.
tance. The sun looks like a ball o.
fire, being almost hidden from view
part OF the time.
The smoke in Albany is particular
ly bad because of fire in close pioxim.
ity to the city. Just east of Lacomb,
which is only about l5 miles from AL.
bany, is fire which has been burning
for several days, and is doing inestima-
BILE damage. The fire is on the side of
MoCully mountain, which ia covered
with one Of the finest bodies of timber
in the county. There had been num-
Der OF fires in that section for some
time, bnt all were under control and
the loss was normal. Albany people
could see large column of smoke ris-
ing from the side of the mountain east
of Lacomb, and later came the news
that an immense and destructive fire
was sweeping over McCully mountain
with irresistible force. The fire is
thought to have been started by careless
and the authorities are inves-
tigating to see of the blame cannot be
fastened on someone.
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1904-08-18
STILL A MIGHTY HOST.
TwentY-Six thousand Veterans pa.
rade, Despite the Heat.

Boston, Aug. 1S.-If anything were
needed to prove that the Grand Army
Of the Republic is still in fact mighty
host, it was to be found yesterday
when, with a half million civilians
looking on, $4,000 survivors of the
union forces of the Civil war assembled
here from all sections of the United
States and marched through the streets
OF Boston. Five and one.half hours
were required for the parade to pass a
given point,
1t was severe strain on the old
soldiers, but generally the veterans
stood the hardship well. More than
three score Of them dropped from the
rank from exhaustion and heat pros
tration, and were cared for at the hos
pitfalls. The death of one soldier
marred the otherwise happy day.
Colonel John P. Pyron, member of
John Dix post of New York, died from
heart failure induced by exhaustion.
At least $50 spectators, mostly
women, tainted during the parade, and
many persons were slightly injured
and had their clothing torn in the
crush.
The spectacle of the gray haired SOL
diers on parade was one calculated to
thrill, and everywhere the army was
received with applause.
At the end of the route Commander
in Chief John G Black of the Grand
Army of the Republic held his review.
Last night the Grand Army of the Re
public campfire was held, attended by
0,000 persons.
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1904-08-18
ONLY PROPELLER REMOVED.
Japanese Towing Destroyer Report
She Could Have Injured Them.

Cheioo, Aug, 1.-THE Russian tor.
pedo boat destroyer Ryeshitelni, flying
the japanese flag, was sighted nearing
the Elliott islands on the evening oil
August IL. She was being towed by a
japanese torpedo boat destroyer. A
second one acted as escort.
The report that the japanese had left
the Ryeshitelni at some Chinese port
probably arose from the report brought
by junk to the effect that when pass
ing Yung Ching bay south Of shantunp
promontory, she saw one of the two
Russian destroyers which went ashore
there.
Japanese arriving here from Dalny
communicated with the destroyer es.
corting the Ryeshitelni and they were
informed that careful examination Of
the Ryeshitelni after her capture by
the Japanese showed that the Russians
had not rendered her completely in.
effective before her capture. A tor
pedo was still in a torpedo tube, its
propeller only having been removed
The torpedo towed by rowboats might
have been used effectively against the
Japanese. 1t was also stated that
while the breeches Of her guns had
been unhinged several remained on
board. The Japenese consul here
states that his government has no idea
OF returning the Ryeshitelni.
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1904-08-18
FLEET WILL QUIT SMYRNA.
American Minister viii Not Need II,
Now Turkey Has Yielded.

Corstantinople, Aug. ia salts
factory solution of the American school
question has at last arrived. This
matter, which is the most important OF
the American demands, was settled by
extending too American schools the
same treatment as that accorded to the
schools under the protection of other
powers.
A settlemC n. of other matters affect
ing American interests in Turkey, OF
secondary importance, has also been
effected and United States Minister
Leishman has telegraphel to Rear Ad-
miral Jewett, in command of the
United States squadron sent to Smyrna,
instructing him to salute the batteries
on land and depart.
The sitting Of the council of minis.
ters at which the settlement was
agreed upon, was long one, and it
was not until its cloae that an agree
ment was reached. The delay in the
settlement is believed to have been
caused by the intervention of the
palace functionaries, whose policy, in
order to retain the sultan's favor, con-
sists of combating the rights and privi
lege of foreign subjects.
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1904-08-18
MAYOR TO TRY
Chicago Executive will At
tempt to End Strike.
MEETS LEADERS or BOTH SIDES
Numerous Conferences, with the
Idea of rffectinO Peace, Held,
But All Come 10 Nauaht.

Chicago. Aug. l7.--Mayor Harrison
will attempt tomorrow to settle the
stockyards strike. He will meet to-
morrow morning at 10 o'clock the rep.
resentatives of the strikers and hear
their side of the controversy. Later in
the day he will have meeting with
repi esentatives Of the packers and listen
to their statement, and he will then
undertake the task Of reconciling the
differences.
A large committee Of the retail deal
ers called upon him this afternoon and
asked him to use his good offices in
ending the strike. The mayor said he
would gladly do all in his power to put
an end to the trouble, and a meeting
between him and the labor leaders was
at once arranged. The mayor then set
about arranging meeting with the
packers, and they promptly sent him
word that they would meet him.
There were number Of conferences
during the day, all having the settle
ment of the strike in view, but none of
them resulted in anything,
1t IS settled that the alleged secret
meeting between the packers and the
strikers was arranged for by W. f.
Skinner, assistant general manager of
the Union Stockyards & Transit COM
pany, but it came to naught
The numerous assaults that have
been taking place every day and night
in the neighboIhood of the stockyaids
have stirred the police to more energet.
ic acton.
President Donnelly and George F.
Golden, OF the teamsters, have reached |
an open clash, Donnelly declaring that
Golden had no right to go to the mail
carriers and get big contribution,
The teamsters have plenty of
money. They do not need any contri-
buttons, said Donnelly.
Police Inspector Hupt took sweeping
measures to stop the operations of pick
cts. He ordered the arrest of all pick
cts lettering about the yards and
dozen we've taken into custody.
The $500 teamsters employed by re-
tail and wholesale markets will not
hereafter deliver nonunion meat. One
exception will be made. To save the
dealers from loss, meat already in cold |
storage warehouses will be hauled.
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1904-08-18
FEAR or SHARKS.
No More Reserves to Be Created In
the State of Oregon.

Washington, Aug. 1.-THE interior
department will not create any mole
forest reserves in Oregon at this time
because it lie afraid iii 80 doing it would
open up endless opportunities for lieu
land operators.
I This is the explanation given today
by an official who is handling forestry
matters under Secretary Hitchcock &
direction. While the bureau OF for
eetry, > recommending the establish.
ment OF Blue mountain reserve, has
carefully drawn it's bour daries so as tc
exclude practically all private hol l.
ings, yet if reserve should be created
on those lines, the department fear
that after the reserve was created, grea
numbers OF spectators would file en-.
tries and allege settlement on land in
the reserve prior to the time when the
original withdrawal was made.
The department officials admit it
would be q comparatively easy thing
Tor spectators to bring forward wit.
nesses to swear falsely as TO their hav-
ing established residence on this land,
and it would be almost impossible for
the government to secure evidence
which would justify the rejection of
these entries. Once speculators estab-
Iished their right to the reserve lands,
they would be entitled under the law
to relinquish them and make lieu selec.
tions OF more valuable lands elsew here.
But, Gays this official, "as reserves
are not created and land simply re-
mains withdrawn from entry, no base
for lieu selections can be created, and
the government is not in danger of los
ing by unfair exchange"
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1904-08-18
WILL FIGHT TO BITTER END.
Russia Less Inclined Than Ever to
Consider Mediation,

London, Aug. 1.-THE Paris cores.
pondent of the Times states that accord
ing to authentic information the con-
tinued defeats to the Russian arms
have not modified the resolute determ-
ination in responsible quarters to pur.
sue the war to the bitter end. He con-
| tinued
1t has been said that the Japanese
might be prepared to consider such
conditions of peace as would not in
volve the danger of a renewal of the
war within comparatively short time.
There is good reason to believe, how
ever, that in st. Petersburg there is less
inclination than ever to entertain any
idea of a termination Of hostilities
until Russian prestige has been thor
oughly relieved.
There is still an immutable conVic-
tion in responsible Russian quarters
that in the end Russian arms must be
victorious, even should the eventual
fal. OF Port Arthur be followed by 9TH
er reverses. The opinion in Russian
government circles is that the resources
of the empire + 'r the purposes of war
is practically inexhaustible; that Rus.
sia will find all the money she requires
to carry on hostilities fol several years
to come.
"The idea of mediation, which may
conceivably have been undertaken by
France and Germany, has throughout
the war been secuted by both belliger-
ents. At the present moment the
chances of its being taken into consid-
GRAFTON by Russia are much more re-
mote than ever.
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1904-08-18
Land Patents Held uD.


Albany Word has been received in
Albany by Ed Dorgan, the timber 10.
Gator, from the interior department at
Washington, d. G., that Albany claim
ants Of timber land in the Klamath
and Lake county districts will have to
wait some time yet before receiving
their patents. All the claimants have
proved up on their claims and hold re-
ceipts from the local land officers, but
Messrs. Jones, Erickson and Brown,
the special agents sent out by Secretary
Hitchcock, have, recommended that the
land be held up for further investiga.
tion. This is great disappointment
to the holders, who have waited for
long time for their patents. And the
large number OF people in Albany who
have timber claims in the Eastern Ore
gon districts have considerable
amount of money tied up in the land.
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1904-08-18
Road to Aid Three Counties.

Albany-County Judge Scott, of
Marion county, has been in conference
with County Judge Stewart, Of Linn
county, regarding the proposed road to
connect the Willamette valley with the
Deschutes country, in Crook county,
and the outcome is very favorable to
the road. Hon. John Minto, father OF
the scheme and discoverer of the pass
through which the road will go, is now
at his mountain home on the line OF
the road, and will cooperate with the
county judges in an effort to secure
conference with the Judge Of Crook
county, to see II the three counties can
work together and divide the expense of
constructing the road, which will be
mutual benefit.
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1904-08-18
MINING THE DEFENSES.
Japanese are No Longer Using Guns
In Higher Positions.

St. Petersburg, Aug. 1S.-A dis
patch received from Chefoo tonight and
giving undated dispatches from Port
Arthur, says the Japanese during a
bombardment occupied strongly forti-
fed positions with number of siege
guns. After two hours, several of the
Japanese guns were silenced. The
japanese, the advices say, are no longer
trying to play their guns in the higher
positions, which are too easily reached
by the fire of the fortress, but are busy
ing themselves with mining operations
against the deienses.
The spirit of the garrison continues
to be excellent, and Lieutenant General
Stoessel is going everywhere encourag-
ing the troops. The fortress is we'll
supplied with ammunition and provis-
ions.
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1904-08-18
Exhibits of State.

Salem-From information that has
been received by Secretary Wylie A,
Moores, of the state fair board, it ID
evident that the state fair next month
will equal, II not excel the splendid
expositions which have been held here
for the last five years. There are more
horses in training on Lone Oak track
now than ever before at this time oil
the year. Many breeders of livestock
who have never been here before are
making arrangements to come with
their herds, and the livestock depart
ment will be at great an attraction as
ever. Space in the main pavilion is
being rapidly taken for county and gen.
eral premium exhibits, and many new
displays will be seen.
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1904-08-18
SoVereiantY Is Recoanlzed.

Washington, Aug. 17.--A mail re-
port received at the navy department
today from Con mander Underwood,
the American naval governor at Tutui-
la, announces that the native chiefs of
the island of Manua have acknowledged
the sovereignty of the United States
over that island. Commander Under
wood recommends tha the territory
now owned by this government be call
ed American Samoa. He also recon.
mends that the chiefs of Manua be pre-
sented with medals or watches as were
the Tutlian chiefs.
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1904-08-18
Crops In John Day Valley.

Prairie City-The hay crop in the
John Day valley is this year as good as
usual, on an average. While some
stockmen are complaining over slight
" inferior crop, others have harvested
a superior one over those of previous
years. George W. McIIaley harvested
25 tons of timothy hay from a fve.acre
parcel of land. Haying is now well
under way, and in about another week
the hay harvest will nearly tie complet-
ed. Only small amount of grain is
being grown here, but 1t is Of good av-
erage quality. The fruit crop is excel
lent, with the exception Of a few ORCH
ards that was damaged by late frosts
and hail storms.