The Savannah morning news. (Savannah, Ga.) 1900-current, 1904-02-14

the market value of poems these days
that that valentine of the Doctors is
worth about two dollars. 1t would take
me century to write it, and inasnluch
as my time is worth at least five dol
lars a year it stands to reason that
would not Dut in five hundred dollars
worth of effort on two dollar job. So
that let's me out. BY the way, l got
one of those trifies myself. Want to
hear it?"
II am just crazy to hear it," said the
Idiot. "If any man has reduced you to
poetry, Mr.. Brief. he's a great man.
With all your many virtues you seem
to me to fit into poetical theme about
as snugly as an automobile with full
power on in a china-shop. By all
means let us have it,"
This modern st. Valentine OF ours
has reduced the profession to verse with
nicely that ELECTS my most profound
admiration" said Mr.. Brief. "dust
listen to this:
The Lawyer is no wooer yet
To sue us is his whim.
The Lawyer is no tailor but
We get our suits from him.
The longest things in all the world
They are the Lawyers briefs.
And all the joys he gets in life
Are other peoples griefs.
Yet spite of all the Lawyers faults
He's one point rather nice; ,s
He'll not remain lest you retain
And never gives advice"
THE author of these valentines
said the Doctor. lis to be spotted, the
way ! diagnose the case, by his desire
that professional people should be con-
stantly giving away their services. He
objects to the Doctors bill and he slaps
sarcastically at the Lawyer because he
ers,~ 1~-sa - r.~t.xr I sss4u
pect the Idiot. He's a professional Idiot
and yet he gives his Idiocy away"
when did ever give myself away?"
demanded the Idiot. You are talking
wildly, Doctor. The idea of your try
ing to drag me into this thing is pre-
posterous. Suppose you show down
your valentine and see if it is in my
handwriting"
Mine is typewriter" said the Doc
tor.
80 is NINE" said the Bibliomanic.
Mine, too," said the Poet.
Same here" said Mr.. Brief.
well, them" said the Idiot, I'm
willing to write page in my own
hand without any attempt to disguise
1t, and let any handwriting expert de-
eide as to whether there is the slight
est resemblance between my chirog-
raphy and these typewriter sheets
you hold in your hand"
That's fair enough" said Mr.. White
choke.
Besides" persisted the Idiot, I've
received one of the things myself, and
itll make your hair curl If you've got
any Typewriter like the rest of 'em.
Shall ! read it?"
BY common consent the idiot read
the following:
idiot zany brain of hare,
bolt and noodle past compare,
Buncombe, bosh and verbal slosh,
Mind of nothing, full of josh,
Mailman, donkey, dizzard-pate,
u. s. Zero Syndicate.
Stock as low as ships or steel,
Off his head and off his keel;
Dull, depressing, lack of wit.
Incarnation of the nit.
Minus, numbskull, driveling baby;
GTeenhorn, Ounce, and dotard Gaby;
All the queer and looney chorus
Found in old Roget's Thesaurus.
Flat and ,razy through and through;
That, o Idlot-that is you.
Let me tell you, sir, in fine
l won't be your Valentine.
What do you think of that" asked
the idiot when he had finished.
'Wouldn't that jar your"
II think it's perfectly horrid," said
Mrs. Pedagog. MARY, pass the pam
cakes to the Idiot. Mr.. Idiot, let me
| hand you a full cup of coffee John,
| hand the idiot the syrup. Why, how
thing like that should be allowed to
go through the mails passes me-"
And the others all agreed that the
landlady's Indignation was justified,
because they were fond of the Idiot
in spite of his faults. They would
not see him abused, as any rate.
"Say. old man." said the Poet later.
IT really thought you sent those other
valentines until you read yours"
II thought you would" said the
Idiot. That's the reason why / work.
ed up that awful one on myself. That
rnlinNaa mo of all aIIsnicinn -