Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1904-06-16

me. how you have grown.'
Sic" INSTRUMENTAL" We'll. it's in
strumental in making the neighbors
swear when she gets at the piano.
Exchange.
Jinkins-How is your son getting
along in his literary labors? Jorkins
oh, famOusly! You should see how
gracefully he carries his pen behind
his ear-Boston Transcript.
Tonsorial Artist-Your hair seems
to be coming out. Freshman-Yes II
is. Tonsorial Artist-Tried our hair
tonic? Freshman-Yes. but that didn't
do 1t, though. Record.
How hollow it sounds!' said pa
tient under the movement cure. AS the
physician was vigorously pounding his
chest. 'Oh. that's nothing" said the
doctor; wait till we get to the head"
Alice (aged 5,-Mamma. my appe-
tite says It's time for dinner Mother
We'll, dear 20 and see what the
clock says. Alice (some seconds later
The clock says my appetite is ten
minutes fast!
Observation-Disclosures. A hundred dol
lars for an opera cloak! Why. it is
perfectly ridiculous. my dear. Wife
Yes, l know il is; but you said you
couldn't afford an expensive ne.Chi-
cago Daily News.
Teacher - Johnny. write OH the
blackboard the sentence Two heads
are better than one" Now, Johnny,
do you believe that: Johnny-Yes'm SIN.
Cause then you kin get job In a
dime museum and make lots O.
money
AT what age do you consider WON
en- the most charming?" asked the in
Quisitive female of more or less un-
certain age. AT the age of the wom-
an who asks the question" answered
the man. who was diplomat New
Yorker.
Howes-Don't like this cold wealth
err. eh! Why, only last summer you
We're complaining of the heat Barnes
Not of the heat Itself but rather be.
cause Of its untimeliness 1t would he
all right If reserved for such weather
as this.-Boston Transcript.
You may turn up your nose at me-
Martha Ann Billiwink, but | want you
to remember it's leap year. and Kit
Garlinghorn Is trying to get me away
Ill 81, ,,
freckle-faced thing she can't do that
George dear"-Chicago Tribune.
Father" said Kathie. how much
does a quite small bottle Of ink cost 2"
swered father. "A penny" exclaimed
Kathie. in great disgust And mum
ME made an awful fuss when upset
the littlest bottle in the cupboard"
Aren't you ashamed Of your indo-
Ience Indeed. | am" answered
Meandering Mike. 1--we been trying
to do something for it." What"
i've been takin' de faith cure. I've
been chopin make believe wood wit
an ina ginary AK. Washington Star
Newitt-Well, there's one thing
about the weather. It's always safe
topic Of conversation. Rorroughs--I
thought 1t was to-day when met
Lendham, but when ! started to speak
of 1t he said, Eyes. it's unsettled. and
that reminds me of that account of
yours"
Dear" said the politicians wife,
there's a handsome big policeman
whose beat embraces Mrs. Swellmans
house. Can't you get him transferred
to this neighborhood?" what for"
demanded her husband. Mrs. Swell
man has an excellent cook and | want
her. "--Phiadelphia Press
The officers of British marrow
were entertaining their friends with a
grand lunch and in attendance were
some typical British tars. young
lady, wanting piece of bread looked
behind her chair at one Of the sailors
in waiting. and asked him TO bring her
what she wanted. But he drew him.
self up, stiff and stern. and. to her
amazement, replied. Cant do it. miss:
I'm told off for taturs.'
An Up-to-Date Nillage.-"Do you
have good lecture course here during
the winter was asked of the manager
of the Higginsville Lyceum. indeed
we do" he answered; and next season
we expect to Guido all previous records.
So far we have booked one ranSomed
missionary. one reformed gambler. one
troupe Of trained animals. one convert
ed heather. one moving picture ma
chine and one professional personator
We may take on college professor who
wants to speak about the tendency #
modern literary thought. but don't
know. Its pretty hard to keep the
course on the same high plane of
thought throughout. Judge
The Other Side of the Story: Sin
gleton-What the trouble. old man:
you look all broke up. Wederly-Y
would doubtless look broke up. too il
you had mother-in-law like mine,
and She Singleton--Iia The old.
old story: she's coming to spend Il few
weeks with you. | suppose. Wedcrly
(sadly)-No: on the contrary. she has
been with us two months. and to-day
she was compelled to return home. She
nursed my wife through bad ease Of
favor took "a rp of thp I'm Inv Mt a. al