The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1904-06-26


er in the Bedchamber City but fol
threats of bodily violence by Judge
Little Ordinarily such a discovery as
| that ought not to have been made by
the Tribune, at least, before the first
of next April. But here is the evidenc &c
of Hilo's sudden awakening into anger
and grief:
THE PASSING OF SMITH.
| The Tribune must apologize to its
readers for its failure to chronicle last
week either the arrival or departure
of Walter Giffard Smith, who made a
hurried trip to the volcano to be i'm
mune from legal summons in Honolu-
lu. The passing of a Smith ordinarily
is not such momeEtus event as to at
tract attention but this particular
Smith was the lugubrious editor of the
Honolulu Advertiser, seeking safely
from justice and recuperation for his
tagged brain He brought his EDITORIAL
hammer with him, as verbose and
well padded interview with himself in
Sundays pictorial edition of the Adj
vertiser attests. The editor like his
paper often departs from the high NOR
al plane of truth to revel in the lower
levels of newspaper fiction. This in
newspaperdom is known as 'stuffing
the public and no. one has learned the
art better than Walter Cuff.
He relates such time-worn anecdotes
as a horse falling down in Hilo's streets
to "pur itself to sleep" and that he
never saw a Hawaiian in Hilo doing
anything except falling off a house top.
He berates the lack of hotel accommo-
dations in Hilo and complains of the
service of the local cafe. He finds fallt
because Hilo has no street cars and
uses a telephone system which operates
with a bell. He Iikens the people to
Ephesians and to the dwarfs where
Rip Van Wrinkle went to sleep. The
only true statements made are that
Hilo's inhabitants have undeservedly
earned the reputation of 'kickers'' and
that there are no mosquitoes in )ur
beautiful burg.
He strikes the silver lining from the
cloud, however, by facetiously remark
ing that the mosquito must have been
asleep. but candor compells US to rec
ord that there was such rapidity in
Editor Smiths movements to escape
the wrath of an athletic and vengefJ ii
curae, that even the caterer and mos
quito had not time to present their
bills.
We fain would hide our shame ana
modification in the ruthless exposure
of our simple life, and in the first blush
of our-affliction and under the stupe-
flying sense that follows a great blow,
we cannot appraise, as accurately as
we
has befa1len US. In a dim and cropping
way we realize We have lost pudding
in our neglect of Editor Cuff, but we
it was made of plums or suet.
Historical verify prompts US to cor
rect the illustrious wielder of the quill
in his misconception of the solitude of
Ephesus, to which he compares the
peaceful quiet of Hilo's thorougfares.
A better study of mythology and an
Gent history would have convinced this
literary adventurer that the history of
Ephesus consists of a long series of
bloody struggles in which no editor took
part. Guffard's exit from the threaten
ing scenes in which he found himself
in Hilo was a living lesson of that
adage that He who runs away, may
live to fight another day" When first
the news came to his anxious ears that
Little the Lusty was looking for his
vo1uminous form and threatened to lick
any man of the size of Smith in TIilo,
the erstwhile statesman and COM
mencement day orator caught up his
inkweII and pen and sl1urried hence to
the volcano. where his unwonted ex-
element still possessed him and gave
him a cruel fall from a docile mule,
spraining his ankle as well as his
veracity. Thus doth Walter Cuff re-
new his courage upon his return to
the safer precincts of Honolulu and in
witty vein strive to win the admira-
ton and plaudits of his generation
Tribune.
WHEN SMITH MEETS SMITH.
To the Editor of Tribune:-Hilo was
recently afflicted for it's sins by the ar
rival of Walter G. Smith, that rather
shop-yvorn specimen of the genus hack
editor. who moIds Cor should one say
makes mouldy) the ancient policy of
the Honolulu Advertiser, whose motto
is: Grab what you can and spoil the
rest" If we had any local almanacs,
undoubtedly they would have predicted
About this time look out for mud
and slush" Being however without
these faithful weather bureaus, of the
Benjamin Franklin breed. our citizens
were taken unaware. and failed to meet
the kinau bearing the professional ink