The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1904-11-27
THE GENIAL IDIOT. sarI DOES s., .,u,xc


ut HESE are the days" quoth the
Idiot. as Mr.. Wbitechoker. the
clergyman. left the breakfast
room, that l envy that man his oppor-
tunity. During the Lenten period and
IN the ordinarily dull seasons of the
year the labor of the clergy is not for
mine, but in the autumn when there is
so much doing of one kind and another
that is OF vital interest to mankind
there's nothing I'D like better than the
chance 20 stand up in a pulpit with a
congregation al my mercy and hammer
EN- hard with good adYice."
Its pity you can't invent some
KIND of q new religion that viii permit
you TO be q clergyman i'm the fan and
a stock broker the rest OF the year.
snecred the Bibliomaniac. why don
You put that Inventive mind Of yours
upon the proposition? IN promise to
stay home from your church Sunday
mornings as sort Of nucleus fer your
following"
Thank you, kindly" said the idiot.
bat 7 really couldn't. With you as
ny field of ende0vor my work would
be doomed To failure at the very begin
ming. You can reform almost any kind
habits have struck in and become as
the very warp and woof oG his moral
physical and intellectual texture is be-
yond hope o. redemption But L would
Ike TO go QUE and preach This MORN
ing To Mr.. Whitechoker's con gregation,
just as ] would like 10 have preached
10 them al the Thanksgiving service on
Thursday"
81 guess you are not the only krOcker
that feels that way" said the Doctor.
That's where you trip. Doctor" re-
torted the Idiot. There are enough
knockers TO be met with every day on
the streets and other public places
without gOinE TO church for them. It's
the knocker in the pulpit that I'd like
10 supersede. / read six Thanksgiving
sermons last Friday morning, and [
listened TO one on Thursday morning.
and every one Of 'em was a jeremaid.
You'd have thought old Jeremiah him.
self had been manifOlded and sent back
TO earth to fill all the glad places there
Of with lamentation. Four out of five
of the sermons 1 read warned the re-
public that il was going to pot. and
the fifth openly asserted that il had ar
rived at pot already. People in high
places Were corrupt. People I'm low
places were vulgar. selfish and of rot
ten heart. flied with envy, hatred and
malice. indolent of mind. lazy of soul,
inert OF body. High society was i'm
moral 10 the core. There was no longer
such a thing as family life. Fidelity,
honor and trust were terms Of archaic
gnilicanCe-in short this Old ball of
ours. these preaching gentlemen
aVerred, was rolling along TO perditiOn
and exceeding the speed limit at that 3"
well, by Jimminy. they come pretty
close to it," cried the Bibliomaniac.
'Tush, calculated the Idiot. Let
tush express my sentiments just as
mush expresses yours If i were the
Recording Angel II sue all you people
who talk that way about the world for
libel, and if ] could grab hold of a
pulpit somewhere for Just one little ten
minutes this morning Ia lOmbaste the
clerical knockers for misrepresenting
things so hard that the people in the
front pews would put their automobile
goggles on to protect their eyes from
the splinters that would fly. Honestly
Il makes me mad clear through when
a man who has grown from infancy to
mature years getting three square
meals a day, his clothes, his bed, his
board and lodging, his physical and
spiritual nOuTishment out Of this bully
little old ball we live on. turns upon it
anu utiiOQlittH II III DuDilC d. a SILK o.
iniQuity. and picks out his own cOun-
try that has safeguarded his person and
given him his opportunity for The most
aciduous shafts of mis- invective. or at
least of his irony"
you think the world is perfect
them" demanded the Doctor.
81 Yes. / do" said the Idiot. Even If
fl isn't what have you to offer that is
any better? What divine conception Of
mans great brain is it that viii work
as well2 There are tOads and snakes
and vile reptiles of one kind and an
other i'm il, of course. but why dwell on
toads when the forests are filled with
birds of beautiful plumage and lovely
voices with which they carol forth the
sweetest of songs in glad welcome 10
the rising sun every morning of their
lives out of the sheer swelling OF the
great happiness in their hearts and
EOuls2 Why doesn't your knocker look
upon the beautiful efilOrescence Of the
water lily and expatiate upon the love
Illness Of its form. the Gelicacay of its
tints, and the sweetness o. It's perfume
instead Of rantinS about the fact that
its roots are embedded 81 the mud and
slime o. the river bed That's what l
can't understand about these knockers.
Why judge the world by the evil things
and dishonor when there Is such a pre-
pOnderanCe Of beautiful things IN ii
over the ugly?'
That al assumption that is at least
dispUta5lc" said Mr. Brief "Ycu might
Name a few Of those alleged preponder-
ances"
I'D like nothing better at SO a doz-
en-, laughed the Idiot. ITO begin with
there are more free people than Jail
birds in the world today. There are
more schools than penitentiaries. There
are more men ard women living in
happy weGlOCk Than there are plaintiffs
and defendants i'm the divorce courts.
There are more drops Of water I'm the
ocean than tears in the eyes OF the az
hlCtcd. There are moro men. women
and children who can see. and hear and
talk than there are deaf. dumb and
blind. There are more beautiful scenes
iu nature than there are painters "a
paint them The treasures Of the earth
are inexhaustibie. There is more food
than hunger
There T dispute you" interrupted
the BibiOmaniac.
Although the means OF distribution
have not yet been so perfected that
everybody can always count upon get
ting his share" continued the Idiot
con the whole, however. considering
the population OF the earth, the service
we have Is good. II some people have
20 wait overlong for their dinners IL is
unfortunate. and they deserve our pity
and I'm so far as we can we should give
them OF our own supply. but we must
not accuse Mother Earth Of breeding
famine because Of them. n something
goes wrong it's not the worlds fault
and Il may not always be the victim s
fault. but in most cases IT is. Then IN
human breasts there are more hearts
than stones. There are more mothers