The San Francisco call., 1904-08-10
BY f. p. DUNNE.

Dye know" said Mr.. Hennessy,
-ye can go firm Chicago to New York
I'm .twinty hours? 1t must be like
fyin'"
It's something like hyin'." said Mr..
Dooley, but it's also like fallin' off
roof or bein' dubbed be a polisman."
It's wonderful how luxuryous
modhren thravel is" said Mr.. Hen
messy.
"Oh, WONDERFUL" said Mr.. Dooley-
It's almost a dhream. Ye go to bed
at night in Kansas City an ye ar-re
still awake in Chicago in tn mornin.
Ye lave New York to-day an mex
Thursdah ye ar-re in San Francisco
an can't get back. An all tn time ye
injye such comforts an iligances as
wud make tn Shah iv Persia invious
II he heerd Of thin. I haven't thrav-
'elled much since I hastily put four
thOusan' miles iv salt wather an
smilin' land between me an tn con-
stabulary, but I've always wanted to
ny through space on wan iv thin
palace cars with tn beautiful names.
TIL man that names tn Pullman cars
an tn pa-aper collars iv this coun-
thry is our greatest pote, whoiver he
is. I cud see mesilf steppin' aboard
palace on wheels called Obulula or
0narka an bein' fired firm wan union
deepo to another. So las month whin
q towny iv mine in Saint Looey asked
me down there L determined to make
tn plunge. With tn invitation come
a fine conservative article be tn gin'ral
passenger agent indivrin', Hinnissy, to
give a faint idee iv tn glories iv tn
.thrip. There was pitchers in this lit
tie pOme showin' how tn thrain
looked TO tn passenger agent. lii
gantly dhressed ladies an gintlemen
set in tn handsomely upholstered
seats or sthrolled through tn broad
aisles. PierpOnt Morgan was dis
closed in a corner dictatin' letter TO
Andrew Carnaygie. In tn barber
shop Jawn d. ROCKEFELLER was bein'
shaved. In tn smokin' car ye cud
see a crowd iv jolly men playin' poker;
near by sat three wags tellin' comic
stories, while a naygur waither dashed
TO an fro an pushed mint Juleps into
IN fash'nable compny. Says 1 to me-
silf: Here is life. They'll have to
dhrag me firm that rollin' home iv
bliss feet foremost, says I. An I wint
bOundin' down to tn deepo. 1 slung
four dollars at tn prisidint iv tn road
whin he had concluded some inn
portant business with his nails an he
slung back a yard iv green paper by
which 1 surrindered me rights as an
American citizen. With this here deed
in me hand I wint through a line iv
naughty gintlemen in UNIFORM an
wan afther another looked at tn
ticket an punched a hole in it. Whin
] got to tn thrain tn last iv these
gr-reat men says: Have ye got a
ticket?' I had says 1. This porous
plasther was a ticket three minyits
ago. Get aboard says he, givin' me
a short, frindly kick, an in a minyit 1
found mesilf amid a scene iv oryental
splendhor an no place to put me grip
sack.
Il shtud dhrinkin' in tn glories iv
tn scene ontil a proud man who cud
qualify on color fr all his meals at
tn White House come up an ordhered
me 20 bed. Fond as I am iv tn col
ored man, Hinnissy. wud sometimes
wish that tn summer styles in Pull
man porters was more light an airy.
IT is thrue that tn naygur porter is
more durable an doesn't show tn
dirt, but on tn other hand, he shows
tn heat more. Where, says 1, do
sleep2' I don knoV where ye sleep,
cap says he, but ye-er ticket reads
fr an upper berth I wud prefer a
thrapeze,' says l. but If yen call out
tn fire department, maybe they can
help me in says I. At that time he
projcoced a scalin' laddher, an tn
thrain goin' around a curve at that
rainyit I soon found mesilf on me
hands an knees in wan iv tn coolest
little upstairs rooms We liver saw. He
dhrew tn curtains an so will I. But
some day wl1in I am downtown 1 am
goin' to dhrop in on me frind tn
prisidint ~ tn Pullman Company an
ask him TO publish few hints to tn
wayfarer. I wud like to know how a
gintleman can take of his clothes
while settin' on thin. It wud help a
good deal to know what to do with tn
clothes whin ye have squirmed out ~
thin. Ar-re they to be rolled up in
a ball an placed undher tn head or
dhropped into tn aisle? Again, in tn
mcrnin' how TO get into tn clothes
without THROWN tn thrain off tn
thrack? I will tell ye conadintially,
Hinnissy. that not bein' a contortion-
isl. tn on'y thing I took off was me
hat.
'Th' thrain sped on an on. ] cud not
sleep. Tn luxury iv thravel kept me
wide awake. Who wud coort slumber
in such a cozy little bower? There was
som that aid it; I herd thin coortin'
But not l. ! lay awake while we few
on, might say, bumped through space
Ii seemed hardly a minyit befure we
We're in Saint Looey. II seemed a
year. On an iver on we he past for
est. river an plain. TIL lights burned
brightly just over me left ear, tn win
dows. was open an let in tn hoarse
exultant shrek iv tn locymotive, tn
conversation iv tn baggage man to tn
heavy thrunk. tn bammy night air an
gr-reat purple clouds iv Illinye coal
smoke. took in enough iv this splin-
did product iv our prairie soil to qualify
as a coal yard. Be tn time tn sun
peelzed or, I may say, jumped into me