Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1904-12-09
Humorous

Gracie-Oh! Stealing jam! I'm going
to tell mamma! Freddy-Wouidn,t
you rather have some jam1Harpers
Bazaar.
She-How is it that widows gener-
ally manage to marry again? He-be-
cause dead men tell no tales.-Ally
Sloper.
Sparticus-Does that fountain-pen OF
yours leak that way all the time!
only when l have INK
in it.-Baltimore American.
"I see you advertise piano covers,
said the man with a squiint. Yes, we
have all kinds" said the clerk. Let
me look at some that are hermeticaliy
sealed, then."-Yonkers Statesman.
'I've met several other people from
your city, said the Bostonian, "and
every one Of them said: Where is II
at'?" "Where is what att" demanded
the New Yorker.-Kansas City lnde-
pendent.
Slidey Slats-Please, mum, Dut were
a couple Nv shipwrecked sailors--
Lady-What! You never was near the
water. Slidey Slats-Puf6ckly right,
mum, pufickly right We wuz on
air-ship.-Judge.
"Do you mean to say you don't have
any trouble in keeping your wire
dressed in the height of fashionT
.'That's what said. My trouble comes
when 1 don't keep her dressed that
way philadelphia Press.
81 suppose you have made 1t rule
in politics never to forget friend.
There's no danger of that" answered
Senator Sorphum: "if man has done
anything friendly for you in politics ne
never lets you forget it."-Ex.
Crabshaw-He has the inventive fac
ulty very highly developed. Crawford
What has he invented? Crabshaw-
Nothing, so far as I know. But when
his wife goes out he can think of things
to keep the baby amused by the hour"
Judge.
She-Jack played an awfully heart
less trick on Flossie. He-HoW's tnat!
She-Why, they were engaged, you
know, and last night. at the bal
masoue, Jack made up SO that Flossie
didn't know him. He proposed ana
was accepted again!-Puck.
"Now that you are wealthy. MT.
c." said the man who deals in pedi-
grees and the like, "you really shoulo
begin to adopt coat of arms. III
do Just as l please" retorted Mr.. C.'
hotly. "If 1 like to go about in my
shirt sleeves, that amt none O your
businesS!
when you first entered politics.
said the young man, who was looking
for knowledge, did you set out with
the determination to win at any cost!''
"No." answered Senator Sorghum, u
set out with the determination to win
at as little expense as possible"
Washington Star.
81 won't go abroad" "Sea travel
disaxrees with your "No." "Busi'
ness keeps you here continually, eh!'
NO" "Sight-seeing wearies you:''
No" "Then why, pray, don't you GO
abroad?' "Sh-h-h! I've only got four
dollars and twenty-five cents. s."-Cleye-
land Plain Dealer.
Overheard During the Theatricals
She-How we'll your wife plays Lady
Geraldine Mr.. Jones! l think the way
she puts on that awful affected tone
ia lust splendid How does she man
age it? Mr.. Jones with embarrass
ment)-Er-she doesn't. That's he
natural voice.-London Tit-Bits.
Darling" exclaimed the happy hus
hand after the minister had pro
nounced the fatal words. Il am no
worthy of you." "Of course, you art
not" she replied; 'but after a girl hal
celebrated her twenty-fifth birthda!
for five consecutive years she can't al
ford to be too particular" r."-Cincinnat
Enquirer.
"Mr. Scrapem,' said the hostess t
an amateur violinist at an evening
gathering, 'you play the violin, do yo'
notP" Eyes, after a fashion, yo'
know" was the modest reply. "HoV
nicer' murmured half the company
did YOU bring your violin with your
mo: / did not" "How nice! mul
INJURED the other half Of the compan
In fervent unison.-Galveston News.
Hodge (who has just had toot
drawn}-Well, guv'nor, how much d
you az for the job? You did do
quick. Dentist-My charge Is two-ant
ak. Hodge-Two-and-six Why.
doctor down at our place drawed
tooth for me once and it took him tw
hours: he hauled me round and roun
the room-I never seed such har
work-and he only charged me shil
in'.-Scraps.
"Are you a fatalist Do you b'
, lteve what Is to be will be?' "Wel
YES. to a certain extent. l believe, fe
instance. when 1 draw my salary ths
the coal trust and the meat trust an
, the grocer and the milkman, and tt
ros+ oP the people who make 1t the