Kingsbury County independent. (DeSmet, Kingsbury County, S.D.) 1894-1929, 1904-10-14
LAWYERS FUNNY
BY Eli Perkins
DlVMHLy Is ST. Louis
nzzzzznHzz.zzzxxs Republic >


The last time / met William M.
Evarts. our late great lawyer and dip
lomat, was on the Boston and Maine
train going up to his old Windsor. VT,
farm.
Have you seen your son Sherman
today?' / asked. holding up a newspa-
per with a quarter page cut in ii.
mo. / can't see anything you know;
I'm almost blind"
1t brought tears in my eyes to see
the great statesman open his blind
eyes and still not be able to see Roger
Sherman EYarts, the boy he worshiped.
AS we passed New Haven / asked the
lawyer how one ought to lie in the Pull
man to sleep well-head to the engine
or feet?''
"You shouldn't come to a lawyer with
such q question as that, Eli" he said.
That's a railroad question. You should
go to a railroad mar With that. You
should go to Depew."
Blu Depew is a lawyer, isn't he?" I
said.
We'll, y4e-s, Depew Is a lawyer-he is
a lawyer; but all the law Depew knows
wouldn't bias his answering any ques-
ton"
Al moment afterward Evarts smiled dry
~ 0lA Gaids " ANil W. I'm
you should lie on the right or left side to
sleep well, perhaps I ought to say that in
your case, Eli, you will lie anyway"
When Depew asked Evarts What he
thought eventually would become OF all
the thoroughly wicked and depraved, he
said:
"Well, Mr.. Depew, they all probably will
practice law a little while. then eventually
go into politics and become congressman
or senators"
Judge Brady. for many years a popular
city judge in New York. could tell hun
dreds of legal stories, especially about
Irish witnesses.
lone day. said the judge, ''o'Rafferty
was up before me for assaulting Patrick
Murphy.
mi O'Rafferty,' I said, now. why did
you strike Mr.. Murphy"
Because, yer honor, Murphy would
not give me a civil answer
What was the civil question you asked
him?'
81 asked him as polite as yez plase, yer
honor, say 1: Murphy. amt you own
brother the biggest thafe on Manhattan
Island, excepting yourself and yer uncle
who is absint in the penitentiary in Sing
Sing?"'
land what rude answer did he give
to such a civil question:
"'He said to me: "Av course, O'Raf-
ferty, prisint company excepted so I
said: Murphy, you're another" and
thin, yer honor, ! struck him wild me fist,
I did,"
The most iaughable and d.gnihed anti
climax perhaps ever made was made by
Mr.. Evarts when he was swinging around
the circle with President Hayes. Mr..
Evarts and a few friends drank the cham
na o,n A. nnd All 4ho NnlaA-raIs- I,-lv~.
the famous journey across the continent,
while President Hayes and Lucy, his
wife, entertained the temperance people
and Y. NJ. C. AS
In Omaha a dinner was given to the
president and his rty, and as usual it
fell upon Mr.. Evarts to make the after
dinner speech. In his speech, of course.
he complimented the west and ended up
his line of sweet sayings in the following
anti-climax. delivered in the great ora
tors most digniled and impressive man
ner:
yes, gentlemen and ladies of Omaha. L
like your great and growing west. / like
her self made men; and the more 1 travel
west, the more / meet her public men, the
more I am convinced OF the truthfulness
of the bible statement that the wise men
came-came from eastv
Then came a great cheer, ending in
shouts of laughter.
"The only thing that saved you," said
Editor Rosewater of the : Bee, as he
grasped Evarts' hand. lis the fact that
there really are not ten men In this audi
ence that didn't come from the east.
Your anti-clinax is taken as a compli-
ment."
Horace Porter, lawyer and ambassador
to France, told me this story on Bishop
Potter: 1T seems that Bishop Potter en-
gagged a worldly coachman who formerly
was employed by Richard Croker, the
patron saint Of Tanlmany Hall. I,
Q Sunday morning. said General Por-
ter, THE new coachman drove Bishop Pot
ter to the rear entrance OF Grace church
on Ee.,-ta: Avenue Saa then staTts1 foT a !
saloon across the way.
Here, Patrick" said the surprised
bishop, don't go in there! Come back!"
But Patrick went right into the saloon, ,
stayed a moment. and came out wiping
his mouth on his sleeve.
Didn't you hear me call you, Patrick 2" i
asked the bishop sternly.
"Yis, yer reverence, / d~id-indade, /
did, said Pat regretfully.
"But why didn't you come back?"
Il would have stopped, yer reverence
said Pat humbly. hut on me soul-bad
luck to mel didn't have the price fer
aut one drink!''