Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1904-12-10
PEPPERY DICTATOR

ence by the singularly Complementary of
around the Capitol" OBJ
served a man who knows pretty nearly
everything that goes on under the great
white dome.
Few of the legislators are ffrst-class die
tators. The majority of them admit this.
and they ought to know. A great many of
the lawmakers never see one-fourth of the
letters that are sent to them. They permit
their secretaries to open and reply to the
great bulk of their mail, glancing cursorily
at the letters of reply, and signing them
when they are heaped up on their desks.
This has become more and more the fash
ion during recent years.
Most of the senators and representa- tiveS
have such perfectly drilled secretary-sten-
ographers that they have to pay scarcely
any attention to ponderous bundles of mail
which would otherwise be extremely bur
densome. These secretary stenographers
are confidential men in the most far-reach-
Ing Interpretation of the phrase. They
know most of their principals private busi-
ness. and they even open and reply to let
tiers the envelopes Of which are marked
personal
But there Is a certain amount Of what
at the Capitol they call personally con-
Quoted correspondence to which all sena-
tors and representatives must attend, so
that none of them escapes his little daily
stunt at debating. Now, there is vast
amount OF what shorthand people call
sloppy dictation' at the Capitol, but there
is really a noteworthy small amount of
sloppy correspondence emanating from
that building.
"The congressional amanuenses. re-
markaby capable lot of men, see to that.
They take the dictation just as 1t proceeds
from their principals lips. rarely breaking
in under any circumstances. Then, when
they get at their typewriters, they beat the
stuff into form, modifying the unnecessa-
strong eXDreSSiOnS cutting n
voluntary and unintentional familiarities.
and so on. The majority of them have
carte blanche to do this.
Don't bring your notes to me and ask
me about Them, nine out of ten of the ligis-
1atOrs will say to the not thoroughly
broken-in shorthand man who does that.
Fix the stuff up yourself. l know that 1
can't dictate for shucks. For heavens
sake. don't make it worse by asking me to
rehash it,
Il remember a certain peppery old SEN
ator from the south whose secretary-ste-
nographer assuredly had his work cut out
for him. While that senator was in the
act of debating to his stenographer. any
body passing by the door of the committee
room in which the Seance was in progress
might easily have imagined that a frac-
tious horse was quartered in the room.
THE senator was an earnest old gentle
man, as fiery as he was earnest, and as
profane as he was fiery, and when he got
hold of piece of correspondence that dis
committee room.
During session a few years ago a party
of this old senator's constituents got to-
gether and sent the senator petition ask
ing him to employ his influence to gain a
pardon for man who had wrecked a ma
tional bank in his state. This petition and
the letter accompanying it got the old
senator on the raw. He famed into purple
faced wrath when he picked off the heap of
correspondence, and then, pacing up and
down the committee room like a tiger, he
started In to dictate his reply-I had the
details from an unimpeachable authority.
Don't address them as my dear sirs
or with any other form of courtesy the old
senator all but shouted at his shorthand
man. Just begin 1t, Say, you Internal
cut-throats! Got that?'
Yes. sir, replied the stenographer
smiling.
Say, you Internal cutthroats," die
tated the wrathy old senator, what in
blankety- CHARACTERIZATION do you mean by
sending me such biffety-ka-binged petit
ton. asking meme! you blank-blanked
curmudgeons!-to use my influence to have
that bangety-biff- banged thief let out of
states prisonr Got that?'
Yes, sir, replied the stenographer, but
he didn't appear to be doing much with his
pencil.
You blank-blanked brazen black
guards the old senator shouted, muss-
ing up his name of white hair every man
jack Of you ought to be indicted too and
for two cents I'd"
Whoa, there. senator" interrupted the
stenographer, so that people passing in the
corridor outside stopped and pricked up
their ears. wondering what horse could
be doing in that committee room.
Don't you dare to interrupt me- you
young scoundrel! shouted the warm old
senator. For two copper cents" he
went on with the dictation I'D prefer
charges against all of you myself as being
accessories before and after the fact with
this blasted jailbird in his infamy. In my
deliberate calm judgment uttered not in
the heat of passion but in the uuietude of
my committee room. every blamed one of
you participated in the profits of the loot
ing of that bank and
Whoa, senator! Whoa! Pull upr warned
the young stenographer, who lived at the
home of the senator in the far southern
town.
If You break in upon me again. YOU
miserable young scalawag. I'll pitch you
out of that Window, bawled the irate old
gentleman, walking up to his stenographer
and ar shaking long finger in his face
Ihen he went ahead and finished the die
tatlon in the most violent manner. winding
up by announcing that he was determined
with MS whole might and main to land ey-
cry one of the petitioners in states prison
1or long terms before he went to his grave
NOW you write that on the typewriter
right on. son. demanded the Old senator,
Senate, and fetch it to me on the floor to
sign. I'll teach those thief pamperers to
present their dirty schemes to me- and out
ne went, banging the door after him and
pre- sently was in his seat in the Senate
ne secretary-stenograp her joggIed OF
petite little letter to the petitioners inform
ing them IN concise manner that he didn't
consider the time exactly ripe or opportune
to apply for pardon for the man in whose
interest they wrote, and so on. The secre-
tary then carried the short haIf-page letter
TO the senator's desk to be signed. handed a
pen to the senator-who happened to be en-
gagged just then in converse ton with his
colleague-and the senator signed the letter
without reading
What's it about, SON.? he asked his
secretary.
oh, just a reply to an old fellow down
home who wants two bushels of free seeds
replied the stenographer. and he carried the
signed letter away and put it into the mail
"On the following morning, when the
senator reached the Capitol he said to his
busy secretary:
Look a-here, boy, 1 was thinking last
night about the petition of those fellows
who want to get that man out of prison.
have you written and mailed that reply yet
that made to their letter?
''The secretary opened up the letter copy
book and showed the senator the letter that
had been sent away. The old gentleman
read it and smiled.
You're an impairment and presump-
tous young chap, he said to his secretary
stenographer as he strolled out. But about
an hour later he was back in his committee
room. debating more violent letters; but the