The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1904-04-26

from the fit of his clothes In the waist you might
almost judge that he wore a-er-oh, I am such
an i~gnoramus about clothingl The Sissy is, 80 to
speak, a sort of sherman whom both sexes abomi-
nate and who troops mostly with the men. Peo-
pie ought to remember that he is sick, and visit
him, as it is written.
When this horrible germ gets into the bones
of a man, he writes notes to the ladies in the
third person. Saith he:
"Mr. Tom Cat would be oh so pleased to call
upon Miss Nanny Goat if she be not engaged for
the evening"
The names in this note are fictitious. None of
the Scotch have such beastly names. Then the
note continues:
Repandez sill vous plat.
This, being interpreted, means: "The niger
will wait for an answer" 1t took that Sissy an
hour to find that expression in a Dictionary of
Foreign Quotations.
If the lady engages to receive him, he prunes
his nails and wakes them, GOGGLES a little Ayers
Hair Vigor into the PLAN of his hand and applies
it to his hair, squirts a little Rubifoam among
his back teeth for an obvious, reason, sits a little
talcum powders down his neck inside his collar,
puts on his wraps and sets out.
The lady meets him with her wonted smile, helps
him take off his fascinator, conducts him into the
NAL1 49, AShO ~ AS4 Ou0OA 0AO VACh "
pretty little sigh of resignation seats herself for
the task. Qn parenthesis I will inquire, why is
it that a woman is expected to squander three
nights in the week trying to entertain some ass,
when she might be reading a gusto-good story Or
otherwise occupy her time in happiness? This
diagnosis is getting too long; 30 I must let the
world imagine the further doing of Mr.. Sissy in
the presence of his love-the dry grin, the poetry
written in his own delicate hand, the Spanish love
songs he sings-and hasten to the remedies, the
antidotes for the poisonous bacteria of Sissyism.
The best medicine for the Scotch lad when
Sissyism gets it's saddle on him, is to put him
behind a nervous mule in a new-ground where
from dogwood and p~ost-oak have lately been cut.
Give him a bull-tongue with one of those home
made frames. When that bull-tongue hangs itself
under a dogwood root, when that nervous mule
suddenly squats to it, and when the handle flies
up and takes the lad in the groin-that is the
medicine. The bull-tongue then rips a yard or
two of the root out of the soil, breaks it, and lets
the big end fly back and whack the lad on the
shin, and right there are added several vigorous
words to his vocabulary which will be handy for
him in the battle of life.
If no new-ground is to be had, the parent may
have the lad to put his arms around a good sized
tree, secure his hands on the yan-side of same,
and there knock the microbes out OF him In man
ner and form as the dust is knocked out of an old
carpet. If you want to punish your boy with
proportion, when you whip him for cigarettes, for
swearing, for reading Monte Cristo instead of 60
ing to school, for sneaking off to the swimming
hole when he should be replanting corn, then
you ought to drop him in his tracks for Sissyism.
1t is better that he should die by the hand of those
who love him than be cruciied when he goes away
to SCHOOL,. @. Mcneil, in Laurinburg Ex-
change.