The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1904-10-30

Dear me- l wisht I had money" said
Mr.. Hennessy.
so do l." said Mr.. Dooley. II need it."
I'VE wudden't get it fr m me-" said Mr..
Hennessy.
If l didn't" said Mr.. Dooley "twud
be because : was poor or tired. But what
dye want money FIR? Supposin' 1 lost
me head an handed over all me accumy-
lated wealth. What wud We do with that
gr-reat fortune? Befure We had spint half
Nv 1t, ye'd be SO sick yed come to me
an hand back tn remainin' eighteen
dollars.
"A man has more fun wishin' FIR tn
things he hasn't got thin injyin' tn
things he has got. Life, Hinnissy, is like
a Pullman dinin car: a fine bill iv fare
but nowthin' to eat Ye go in fresh an
hungry. tuck ye'er napkin in ye'er col
lar, an square away at tn list iv groc-
cries that tn black man hands We.
What'n ye have first? Ye think ye'd like
to be famous an ye ordher a dish " fame
an bid tn waither make it goot an
hot He's gone an age an whin he comes
back ye'er appytite is departed. Ye taste
tn ordher an says ye Why, it's cold
an full iv broken glass That's tn way
we always sarve Fame on this car, says
tn coon. Don't we think ye'd like money
FIR tn sicond coorse? Misther Rockyfel-
lar over there has had forty-two helpin's,'
says he 1t don't seem to agree With
him, says We, but we may bring me
some we say. Away he goes an stays
till ye're bald an ye'er teeth fall out
an We set dhrummin' on tn table an
lookin out at tn scenery. By an by he
comes back with yeer ordher but JUS
as he's goin' to hand it to we, Rockyfel-
lar grabs tn plate. What kind iv car
is ths? says he Don't | get anything
to eat? Cal't we give me little happi-
ness? I wudden't recommend tn hap
piness, says tn waither. It's canned an
it kilt tn las man that thried it, We'll
gracious says he. I've got to have some
thing. Give me a little good health an
I'll thry to make a meal out iy that.
Sorry Sir, says tn black man, but
we're all out iv good health. Besides
he says, takin we gintly be tn arm.
we're comm into tn deepo an yen have
to get out he says.
AN there We ar-re. Yell niver get
money onless we fix tn waither an grab
Iii dishes firm tn other passengers. An
We won't do that. So yel niver be rich.
No poor man liver will be. Wan Nv tn
sthrangest things about life is that tn
poor who need tn money tn most ARE
tn very vans that niver have it. A poor
man Is a poor man an rich man Is
a rich man. Ye're ayether born poor or
rich It don't make amy diff'renc wheth-
er or not We hive money to begin with.
If yere born to be rich, yell be rich
an IL ye're born to be poor, ven be
poor. TIL buttons on yeer vest tell tn
story. Rich man, poor man, beggar man,
rich man, or wurruds to that effect. l al
ways find that have ayether two but
tons or six.
"a poor man Is a man that rayfuses
to cash in. Ye don't get anything FIR
nawthin' an to gather in a millyon iv
thin beautiful Autographs iv Salmon p
Chase. ye have to go down ivry day
with somethir. undher ye'er arm to TIL
great pawn shop. Whin Hogan wants
four dollars. he takes tn clock down to
Moses Whin Rockyfellar wants tin mil
lyon, he puts up his peace iv mind or
his health or something akelly valyable.
If Hogan wud hook his priceless habit iv
sleepin' late in tn mornin he wud be
able to tell tn time iv day whin he got
up without goin' to tn corner dhrug
store.
Look at McMullin He's rowIn' in it.
It bulges his pocket an initiates his con-
versation. Whin he looks at me, I always
feel that he wondhrin' how much I'd
bring at forced sale. Well, McMullin
en- I had tn same start, about forty
yards behind scratch an Vanderbilt to
beat They always put tn best man in
amy race behind tn line Befure Nc
Mullin gets through he'll pass Vender-
an run two or three times around tn