davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-01-27
AIMS Ailments.

When little Ann was one year old
She had Il case of collie:
Twas several days again before
She cared for fun or frolc
She next had whooping cough and whooped
With zeal and animation,
Until the neighhors all around
Were down with nerve Irostration.
The measles, mumps and chicken pox
Came then in quick SUGGESTIONS;
And scarlet fever followed close
To join the grim procession.
You ask if this is all she's had
| should not mention. maybe:
Last year she had q honeymoon
And now she has q baby
Town Topics.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-01-27
Realistic.

Actors frequently receive unexpected
proof of the realism Of their art This
story, which is reported from Chicago
theater. is like the story of the artist
who painted a fire so wildly that his
servant threw water on it.
Hamlet was the play. In the gallery
two small newsboys were watching with
breathless interest. The last act was
drawing to close. The duel almos,
dragged the boys from their chairs.
Before their eyes the Queen was poi
soned, Laertes killed, the King killed
Hamlet killed. On the final tragedy the
spellbound.
In the gallery sounded a clatter anC
crash as one Of the boys bolted for the
door,
Come on, JIMMY he shouted back
to his pal Hustle up! Dey'l be
extras out on dis
TO him the acting had been at least
as real as news.-Youth's Companion.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-01-27
Millions in Oats,

Salzer's New National Oats yielded in
1908 in Michigan 24O bu., in Missouri 255
bu., in North Dakota 80 bu, and in 80
other States from 80 to 800 bu per
acre. Now this Dat if generally grown
in 1904, will add millions of bushels to
the yield and millions of dollars to the
farmers purse. Try it for 1904 Largest
Seed Potato growers in America.
Salzer's Speltz, Beardless Barley,
Home Builder Corn, Macaroni Wheat.
Pea Dat, Billion Dollar Grass and Earli-
est Canes are money makers for you,
Mr. Farmer.
JUST SEND THIS NOTICE AND 1Oc
in stamps to John A. Salzer Seed Co.,
La Crosse, Wis, and receive in return
their big catalogue and lots of farm
seed samples.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-01-27
There Was No Renly.

Woman remarked Mr. Gooseling. SIS
heavens best gift to man, but whether it
means married woman or not, / am not
SO certain. Now, there's my wife; I've
known Il good many women in ny time.
and | don't think I'd be willing to change
her for any woman / ever met, saw or
heard OF. I'm willing to make as many
concessions as most men. but l really
think there is a limit that any reasonable
woman ought to observe. Not that my
wife is not as reasonable as any other
married woman, mind you, for she is.
But there are times when she makes
honored maxim | have quoted.
Now, for instance, the other day I was
doing something or other in the house,
like man has right to do on his own
premises, and, just as men sometimes do,
/ put my finger where / had no business
to put it. and lit it with the hammer.
"'Well, said /, to myself, though my
wife was sewing by the window on the
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-01-27
Parenthetical Remarks.

A we'll known Indiana man
One dark night late last week
Went to the cellar with match
In search of a gas leak
(He found it,
John Welch by curiosity
dispatches State) was goaded;
He sQuinted in his old shotgun
To see il 1t was loaded.
Ut was)
A man in Macon stopped to watch
A patent cigar clipper;
lie wondered ii his finger was
Not quicker than the nipper.
lit waSn't.)
A Maine man read that the human eyes
OF hypnotSm were full: ~
he went to see ii it would work
Upon an angry bull.
Ut Wouldn't.)
James Wilkins fancied if he died
The rolling sphere would stop;
lie TOOK the gas route to see ii
The world would shut up shop.
ut didn't
San Francisco Bulletin.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-01-27
DR.. r. Robbins, Muskogee, l.

DR.. r. Robbins, Muskogee, l. r.,
writes:
''Peruna is the best medicine l know
of for coughs and to strengthen weak
stomach and to give appetite. Besides
prescribing it for catarrh. have ordered
it for weak and debilitated people, and
have not had a patient but said it helped
him. 1t is an excellent medicine and it
fits SO many cases.
Il have a large practice, and have a
chance to prescribe your Peruna l hope
you may live long to do good to the sick
and the suffering
Dr. NJ. c.. Gee writes from 513 Jones
ST.. San Francisco, Cal:
"Peruna has performed so many won
derful cures in San Francisco that l am
convinced that it is a valuable remedy
l have frequently advised its use for
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-01-27
Borrowers.

The habit of borrowing is something
that grows on people the same as worts.
IL generally commences to borrow Il
fancy comb for circus day and tooth
brush to put in a conspicuous place on
the clock shelf because they are going to
have company. Then they borrow to-
bacco, COW feed, salt pork, and soup
bone. Then they borrow couple of
quarters SO they can't see the people
grin. The last seen of them they are
clambering along to where the sheep and
goat get divided, trying to borrow Il
reputation and a palm leaf fan.-Bowl-
ing Green co. Free Press.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-01-27
The Evolution of the Folding Bed.

Mrs: De Flat-Haye you anything new
in folding beds?
Dealel-Only this, madam, and it real
ly is quite success. On arising in the
morning you touch spring and it turns
into a w.ashstand and bathtub. After
your bath You touch another spring and
it becomes dressing case, with a
French plate mirror. If you breakfast in
your room, a slight pressure will trans
form it into an extension table. After
breakfast You press these three buttons
at once and you have an upright piano.
That's all it will do, except that when
you die it can be changed into a rose
wood coffin.-New York Weekly.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-01-27
X THE SPICE OF LIFE. ~

other side of the room, III bet I'm the
biggest idiot in CREATION
III of which | had a perfect right to
say; but my wife looks up from her work
and says she:
William, says she, don't you know
enough about the ethics Of gambling to
know that you have no right to bet on a
certainty?
That's what she said: and, under the
circumstances, what on earth could | say
but nothing? And that's what l said''-
Tit Bits,
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-01-27
Out of Work.

Il would gladly work, ma am replied
the tramp, when reproached fer begging.
but the fact is / can't find any work
at my trade"
That's unfortunate. What is your
trade:"
I'm an ambergris hunter. You know.
ambergris is worth $14 an ounce, but,
Notwithstanding that. and that it can
be found in the ocean, no one will ad-
vance me money to purchase Il steam
ship in order to go after it."-Detroit
Free Press
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-01-27
DR.. LIeweIlyn Jordan,


women, as | find it insures regular and
painless menstruation, cures leucorrhoea
and ovarian troubles, and builds up the
entire system. | also consider it one of
the finest catarrh remedies l know Of"
M G.. Gee, NJ. D.
Catarrh is systemic disease durable
only by systemic treatment. A remedy
that cures catarrh must aim directly at
the depressed nerve centers. This is
what Peruna does
Peruna Immediately invigorates the
nerve-centers which give vitality to the
mucous membranes. Then catarrh dis
fappears. Then catarrh is permanently
cured.
II you do not derive prompt and salts
factory results from the use of Peruna
write at once to DR.. Hartman, giving
full statement Of your case, and he will
be pleased to give you his valuable adj
vice gratis.
Address DIR. Hartman, President of
The Hartman Sanitarium, Columbus,
Ohio.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-01-27
What Might He Have Meant

A kentucky editor tells this story at
the expense of Justice Harlan of the
United States supreme court They were
fellow guests at a reception in Washing
ton, and the hostess rallied the justice on
his failure to drink more than one glass
of punch. He replied that as a Ken
tucklan ne felt disloyal to drink his othe-
than straight, adding that Just then he
was out of the genuine tipple in his
home. The distiller that evening tele-
graphed to his manager, who sent the
justice case of his best. Next Sunday
the two men met in the church of which
Mr.. Harlan is deacon. The distiller
justice called to him, '"That was SPLEEN
did Then, remembering where he was.
he added hastily, 1.-THE sermon, mean,
Of course"
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-01-27
In the Wrong Field.

Miss Jilson-Foreign newspapers con
tain many advertisements of titles for
sale by members Of noble families
sealed proposal from American heir
esses; this is leap year.-Detroit Free
Press
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-01-27
Parental Soiicitude,

The Mother-Don't you think the baby
had better go to kindergarten, dear?
Eather-Isn't he too young?
The Mother--Yes. But he never sees
either OF MS long enough to learn how to
talk. And don't you think he ought to
know how?-Town Topics
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-01-27
Over and Out.

Annie Seed-Oh. Mr. Tallyheau, you
should have seen Mr.. Seldham- Hunt take
that high hedge.
MI Tallyheau-The idea. / didn't
think the horse he rode was much of a
jumper.
Annie Seed-Oh, the horse didn't take
the hedge. Mr.. Seldham- Hunt did it
alone."-Tit-Bit
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-01-27
His Moneys Worth.

so your husband gets up early in the
morning now? What made him change
his custom?" asked Mrs links.
We'll" replied Mrs. Junks. ''he took
a course of How to Run a Furnace in
one of these correspondence schools. and
he wants 10 see if he has been cheated =
Cincinnati Times-Star
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-01-27
Knighthood in the Bud.

Citizen-Here, stop fighting that little
boy
Chimmie-W'ot, and me goil lookin'
out de window? She'd take me for a
quitter.-Butte Inter Mountain.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-01-27
Food fer the Hungry.

Mr.. Yerner (soulfully)-Oh, Miss Fled
er-Ma bel-can you not see the hunger
in my eyes? Can you not
Miss Fielder -reproachfully)-Oh to
be sure. How thoughtless of me- just
wait and I'll get you nice dish OF
pigs feet.-Philadelphia Press.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-01-27

Robert r. Roberts, M. D., Wash
) ington, D. c., writes:
"7hrOugh my own experience
as well as that of many of my
friends and acquaintance who
have been cured or relieved of ca
: tarrh by the use of Harfman's
Peruna, 1 can confidently recon-
mend it to those suffering from
such disorders, and have no hesifa-
! ton i'm prescribing 1t to my pa
: fients. "---R0berf X. Roberts.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-01-27
Similarity,

Charley, DEAR said young Mrs. Tor
kins, don't some of these South Ameri-
can generals remind you of race horses? ~
In what way?"
Why, they have such funny names.
and you never can tell who is coming
out ahead. ashington Star.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-01-27

German imperial authorities have Sc
cured fine of $4,000 from the heirs of
q German manufacturer on the ground of
his having understated his income and so
paid too low a tax during several years Of
his lifetime
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-01-27

Piso's Cure for Consumption always
gives immediate relief i, all throat trou-
bles.-F. e. Bierman, Le;psic, Ohio, Aug.
S1,19O1.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-01-27

If man could use his legs proper
tionately as fast as an ant he would
travel somewhat about 800 miles an
hour
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-01-27

Great Britain uses up nearly eigh,
tons Of cardboard yearly in the form OF
post cards.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-01-27

The average cost of labor in the pro-
duction and preparation of coffee is A.
cents q pound.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-01-27
MEDICAL examiner
OF the United States Treasury Recommends
Pe=ru=na.
Other Prominent Physicians
Use and Endorse Pe-ru-na.

n r. LLEWELLXN Jordan, Medical
H. Examiner of the u. S. Treasury De-
partment, graduate Of Columbia Col
lege, and who served three years at West
Point, has the following to say of Peruna:
"AUOW me to express my graft
tude to you for the benefit derived
from your wonderful remedy.
One short month has brought
forth a vast change and 1 now
consider myself q well man after
months of suffering. Fellow suf.
ferers, Peruna will cure YOU"
constantly increasing number Of
physicians prescribe Peruna in their
practice. 1t has proven it's merits so
thoroughly that even the doctors have
overcome their prejudice against social
ed patent medicines and recommend it
to their patients.
Peruna occupies a unique position in
medical science. 1t is the only internal
systemic catarrh remedy known to the
medical profession to-day. Catarrh, as
everyone will admit, is the cause of one
half the disease which aff1icts mankind.
Catarrh and catarrhal diseases aff1ict
one-half Of the people Of United States.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-01-27

Children teething; softens the gums, reduces IN
nammati allays pain. cures wind collie. -
cents q bottle.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-01-27

He-Do you know, dear, l was just up
stairs looking at the baby, and l believe
she has got your hair. She. springing up
Good gracious! l thought | had put
that switch out of the child's reach!-
Yonkers Statesman.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-01-27

PUTNAM FADELESS DYES are
fast to light and washing.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-01-27

Foreign CAUSE.-THE young girls of tbi
country are charming: but why have tn
married women such a dragged-out look
Host-Well. you see some of them ar
worked to death because they have N,
servants. and the rest of them are wor
ried to death because they have.-Neu
York Weekly.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-01-27

Fish are unusually scare in Lake
Erie.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-01-27
Mother Gray's Sweet Powders for Chill
dren

Successfully used by Mother Gray,
York, cure Constipation. Feverishness,
Bad Stomach. Teething Disorders, move
and regulate the Bowels and Destroy
Worms. Over 10000 testimonials. At
all Druggists. 25c. Sample FREE. Ad-
dress A. S. Olmsted. Leroy, II. Y.
Henry Morris, an Englishman who
has given much attention to the subject
of cancer, recently called attention to
the pernicious influence of the clay pipe
and the decayed tooth in causing cancer
Gus grOwthS
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-02-03

The following article is at present
going the rounds of the press and fits
this community. too. as can be seen
any day by visit to orr railroad sta
tion.-Columbus Democrat.
Who sympathized with you when
your little girl was sick? Was it your
home merchant or was it Sears Roe
buck & Coz Who carried you last
winter when you were out of moneys
Was II Montgomery Ward & Co..
or your home merchant When you
want to raise money for some needy
person in town do you write to the
s.Fsirh store in Chicago or do you go
Is your home merchant? How much
does 'Siegel, Cooper & Co. give toward
keeping up the sidewalks of the town
Or paying the minister's salary When
you were sick how many nights did
Hibbard, sperctr e. Bartlett Sit up
with your When your loved es one 1 was
buried. vas it Marshall, Field & Co.
who dropped that tear ar Of sympathy
and uttered the Oh eeiriins words or va,
II your home merchant
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-02-03
Corn, Corn, Corn.

Were the corn of the seven corn
states loaded on wagons, forty bushels
to the load, and placed so the heads of
the horses would come just to the rear
end-board of the preceding wagon, AID
it were possible for this line of march
to cover the land and sea, an average
years crop from these seven 'corn-grow-
ing states would make complete belt
of corn wagons six times around the
world.
Place the crop of 1902 in cars hold
ing 500 bushels each, and allow forty
feet for car and coupling, and we
would had continuous freight train
38, 378 miles long.
After considering these figures one
readily believes that, in the list of
creals, corn stands first in point of
acreage. yield and value.-.F From Sin
the Corn-Field," by Walter III. DIN, in
Four-Track News for February.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-02-03


OF the tvo candidates who have
been brought out for the new Sup
rome court judgship. L. K. Luse of
Superior ana j. c. Kerwin of Neenah,
We judge from the comments made by
the greater part of the state press, and
also from the earnest support which
the. members OF the bar are
giving him. that the former gentleman
ID easily the popular choice for that
mort Important ONCE. His successful
practice u twenty eight years besides
his great ability ana wonderful capa.
city Tor hard work, certainly make
him the ideal man for the place.
Though Mr. Luse has always been a
consistent Republican, he has not
df1ate years taken an active part in
politisssl affairs. and his relations with
men Of all parties have been most
friendly. As a, consequence prom
faent leadera OF all political sects are
extending to him an earnest support.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-02-03

Moody, gave farewell dinner on the
25th inst. to Secretary Root. Admiral
Dewey and Senators Hale, Proctor, Ali
son and Lodge we're among the guests.
Senator Warren of Wyoming enter
tanned Speaker Cannon and daughter
at dinner OH the 25th inst. Many sena-
tors were present and the tables were
decorated with roses. Attorney General
Knox has given dinner to Chief Justice
Fuller. The other Justices were present.
Senator and Mrs. Cullom have given a
dinner in honor of speaker Cannon.
Senator and Mrs. Alger have given a
dinner to Miss Roosevelt and reception
to the visiting Michigan editors. Mrs.
Richard Glover has given a very pretty
fancy dress ball to host of children.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-02-03

While Chicago WAS in it, infancy
the sewers emptying into the Chicago
river and thence into the lake received
but little attention, but ~ the popula-
tion increased it was found to be .
serious menace to the health OF the
people, and several alarming epldemics
aroused the citizens to Q realizing
sense Of tslsir danger. Necessity, the
mother OF invention, once moro came
to the rescue, and thus was conceived
tho magnificent scheme of enlarging
the old Illinois and Michigan canal by
making excavations SO deep and wide
that it: would change the current of
the Chicago river, causing it to flow
into the drainage canal instead of into
the lake. Prom ..The Chicago Drain
age Cana" by Austin Cook, in Four
Track News for February. =
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-02-03

Senator Spooner has sent the fol-
lowing unsolicited endorsement OF L..
X. Luse. candidate for Judge of the
Supreme court: Il have known Mr..
Luse Cor over twenty years and esteem
him q man OF irreproachable character,
. lawyer OF great ability and strict in
tegrity. zOf great industry and capable
for work, and possessing moreover
4 judicial temperament, he combines in
rare degree the qualities requisite TO
the most efficient discharge of judicial
duty Such words from one az we'll
qualified tojudgs az John e. Spooner,
can loave no doubt as to the fitness Of
Mr.. Luse for the place.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-02-03
1924, 900, 900 for Wagon Roads.

There is pending in Congress bill
called the Brownlow Bill, introduced
by Hon. Walter P. Brownlow, of Ten
nessee, which appropriates 1924, 000,-
900 as national aid for the building OF
wagon roads. This sum is to be avail
able.at the rate of So, 600, 900 year; is
to be divided according to the popula-
ton of the different states, but no state
is TO receive less than $250,OOO. Every
State receiving National aid must APP
propriate and spend like amount.
The asserted growth of sentiment in
favor of the measure has been chiefly
due to the Institution and extension OF
the rural free mail delivery system.
which has brought the disadvantages
of poor roads home to the farmers and
other country jewellers. Applications
for the extension OF the free rural de
livery system are being refused by the
post Office authorities ON account OF
the roads. and the disappointed com
munities demand their improvement
These demands are so in excess oil
the ability of the local boards to re.
spond to that for year past Highway
Commissions all over the country have
been putting themselves on record ii
favor of National aid.
1t is claimed on behalf of the bill
that the plan Of distribution is more
eQuita BILE than the distribution of some
$50. 500,000 year under the Rivers
and Harbors Bill, which goes princip
ally to the seaboard states and to the
Mississippi delta.
In support of the Brownlow Bill a.
a general measure. attention is called
to the fact that France has %, 60;
miles of wagon road, which are bull
and maintained by the nation, and
Italy about 500 miles, while many O
the states Of the Union spend hundreds
Of thousands of dollars annually in aiC
of highway improvement.
Wisconsin's portion of this appro-
priation will be 5000, 900, if the bill be
comes law.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-02-03

The Catholic population of Wiscon-
Sin is 527, 1861, according to the new
Catholic directory just issued. Of this
number 290,861 are in the Milwaukee
diocese, 215, 900 in the 6. cen Bay and
$4,000 in the La Crosse dioceses.
The Catholic population of the United
States is estimated at 1887 ,317.
There are $40 priests in the Milwaukee
diocese, 164 in the Green Bay and 165
in the La Crosse dioceses.