West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1904-03-31


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platform Of you-can'ttci the-slze.of.a.
frog Notwithstanding. my chances OF
hobbling his long legs this time is very
bright ana encouraging to a man who
wants this office like I do. At the next
meeting OF the Lime Kiln Club Lee Shaw
and Jack Brown have promised to give an
interesting lecture in my behalf Their
voice elevated at a fifty degree angle Is
bound TO be heard So far Judge Messen.
ger and myself are on speaking terms. but
as the campaign progresses and the epthus-
issm increases, il may be necessary for us
to charter the opposite sides OF the streets"
was much impressed with the manner
of Parson Bill f. Memears handling the
Queens English, and il strikes me that Bill
L. would not require much persuasion to
bite the ends OF his mustache. This has
always been his warning to the opponent to
prepare for collision.
There Is quite an array OF talent offering
themselves for Justice of the Peace.
you have had a taste of the flesh pots
Of Egypt and should be able to tell the
people why they should return you to the
pots once more remarked to d. Y.
Morris
Il have but one reason to offer for my
candidacy" replied Mr.. Morris, in a man.
ner which clearly indicated that he realiz.
ed lie was facing the lead pencil which
elects and defeats candidates. II want
the Office. have had it just long enough
10 whet my appetite for four more years.
Four more years would expand my belly.
band to the exact size of all good 'Squres.
want this expansion IL possible"
What are your reasons tor desiring to
crush the aspiration of Squire Morris?'
asked G. w. Fawcett
Il am weary and foot sore climbing over
the hills in search OF those who have dis
like for the observance Of the law. aud
have concluded that Squire Morris seat
would be a comfortable place to linger till
some one called who desired an introduce
ton to the law" replied Mr.. Fawcett, as
he put few curs in his whiskers
And William Henry Murdoch, why do
you want to forsake the posloHfce where
you can observe the multitude as YOU pass
out the dun and love-sick letter for the
disagreeable duty of issuing executions to
was my stern inquiry OF William Henry.
The four years OF clover are nearing
their end. and IL the Democrats lick us,
Whetsell and myself will be asked to take
vacation for which we have filed no an.
plication. -Four years in dispensing Justice
would add breadth to my girth aud dignity
to my bearing 1 want il. and have no
apologies to offer"
And pray tell me from what county do J
YOU hail p inquired OF c Y. Bishop.
What claim have you on Preston since YOU
we're inoculated by The virus OF the -Four
Hundred over a Morgantowu ?"
II am the only qualified. upto date can.
didaie who has fled his application for
Justice Of the Peace OF Kingwood district.
have more law in my head than have
money ia my trouser pockets have faced
every Court from Justice to Supreme I've
gone through all Of them and know how TO
sympathi1e with those who cannot escape
them. You may be am artful dodger and
capable OF clearing a sixteenfoot stake.and-
rider fence when closely pursued by an
officer Of the law. bat they will drop the
salt on your tail aud corra you in The buck
wheat patch just as YOU ace about to pass
over the Inc. II The people want man
who knows the law Ihey win throw out their
dragnet and catch me
"Prof John w Gidicy stand up aud be
measured for your saddle pockets shouted
Mack Eyjck
what have the people done that YOU
should torture them in this campaign9'
asked John W. Gidlcy.
81 want to be Constable Of Ningwood dis
irict. ] have already scared Col Tim
Bowermastor OF tho track and am after
bis big brother Benjamin am on the
war p4tl and ih, Howcrmasters bad better
give me a clear track. am NOT much on
education. bei my better half will handle
chat end OF ihc accomplishment. Mack
Etich is making mesthe dashiesf saddle.
pockets chat ever came out of an old COWS
hide im winner
After Che Congress adjourned J noticed
Iudee Messenger g. y. Fishop and John
w. G.dley boldine a consultation IS my
heating IS acute. I learned from their con.
ycrsation hai thoy we're going 70 lasso the
Nation 90 would be well Tor the other
candidates TO look after dis
"fhoy kandoiphcd YOU cot Of the Judi.
clal Convention op ai Elkns tie other
day. : said to Col elias w. Wolfe. whom
! overlook on nos way to The ARGUS Office
"You.fe funny creature. replied the gen.
GAL Colonel "bm am in mo- frame Of mind
90 listen TO yout Goa
They gave yon theroyai bump aud made
you hump said with sarcasm. AS be did
not seem Go appreciate mJ humor
Yes tacy fairly ruled us OF tho earth
Judge John Homer Holt was the man be-
had tho gun ISIS word ass law. and iboy
recognized no rights belonging TO us which
tbey should respect They cfammed and
ismmed DO down us TO such an.extout that I
became Inflated ard the people did not
recognize mc when returned home. am
getting redHcsd fo my normal size aeain.
and wc are COB training down fo our fehfno
weight and we wiii be- heard from later.
IHR RAMBLER.