Lincoln County leader. [volume] (Toledo, Lincoln County, Or.) 1893-1987, 1904-07-08
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the globe, ma.0Ch1cago News.
Emeline-Sara and l can hardly un-
derstand each other over the telephone.
Edgar-Well, talk one at a time.
know him? I should say so! We
are husbands-in-law." "Eh?" "Our
wives were divorced from the same
man."-Ex.
she told me that l might hope"
Better look out! I've known girls to
say that when they intended to accept
a chap."-Puck.
Smith has lost his job, and I'm
hustling to get him another" "You
are. Eyes. 1 owe him ten dollars,
and I'm afraid he'll be needing it,
Puck.
Stranger-Seems to me this crowd
ed street is a queer place for a hospi-
tai. Native-Well, 1 don't know. Two
trolley lines meet here.-New York
Weekly.
How did you get your black eye,
Sambo? well, boss, yer see l was
out a-lookin' fer trouble, and dis ere
eye was de fust to find it."-Yonkers
Statesman.
Philanthropist-Why did you change
the title Of 1.-The Ladies' Home to
"Old Ladies' Home? Mrs. Du Goods
1t was becoming too crowded.-New
York Weekly.
Parker-We've moved again. Barker
You have? Parker-Yes; the chill
dren were so noisy that we couldn't
stand what the n%eighbors said about
them.-Detroit Free Press.
Young lady-I can always tell your
work the instant 1 see it. Magazine
artist (delighted)-Can you, really?
Young lady-Easily. The women all
look alike.-New York Weekly.
woman is naturally of a clinging
nature" observed he. YES" rejoined
his wife, but she isn't to be compar-
ed with a man when it comes to hold
ing on to a SIS bill."-New Yorker.
Sam Shinbone-I'se thinkin' OBJ
marrying dat youngest Jackson gal.
Nose Johnson-Don't do it, niger
don't do it. Why, dat gal never KEEP
d job for over two weeks in her life
Elk.
Prospective Benedict-Are you will
ing to become everything or nothing
for my sake? Prospective Bride
Yes, If you leave out the nothing
part of the Observation-Disclosures
American.
Bring me some coffee" said Mr..
Nurox, as he finished his dessert.
"Demi-tasseT inquired the waiter.
Sure, If that's the best you got, and
say, bring one O. them little pots full
Of it."-Philadelphia Press.
you are always more or less skep-
teal about what you see in print"
YES" answered the man who has his
own ideas about things. Truth may
be at the bottom of a we'll, but it isn't
an ink well."-Washington Star.
Husband (of popular author)-Do
you mean to tell me, doctor, that my
wife is insane? Doctor-No, not so
bad as that, but she, is hopelessly fool
ish. Husband-Well, that's a relief.
l was afraid her usefulness as a writer
was impaired-Life.
A prison visitor recently asked one
Of the prisoners how he came to be
there. Want" vas the answer.
How was that, pray?" well, l want
ed another mans watch. He wasn't
willing 1 should have 1t, and the Judge
wants me to stay here five years.
Tit-Bits.
Footinitt theoretically helping at
bazaar)-Won't you put in for a rattle
for this cushion? Visitor-Oh, no,
thanks! Footinitt-Of course, it's
rather useless and gaudy, and so'forth;
and personally l think the designs
rotten. But do put in for 1t! Visitor
No, thanks! 1 made it!-Punch.
Little Willie, who is a Philadelphia
boy, had been watching a dog chasing
his tail for three minutes. Papa" he
asked, what kind Of a dog is that?"
That" said the father, sis a watch
dog" Willie was silent a moment
"Well," he finally said, from the time
he takes to wind himself up 1 guess
he must be a Waterbury watch dog"
Philadelphia Ledger.
Mrs. Househunter-This house does
not seem to be very substantially built.
Even the floor shakes when we walk
on II. Agent-But, madam. This floor
is-er-the very latest thing in spring
dancing floors. All the newest houses
have them. Mrs. Househunter-And
the stairs creak terribly. Agent-Oh,
we don't make any extra charge for
those patent burglar-alarm stairs,
madam.-Chicago News.
Dick-SaY-seen q letter Of nina