New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1904-07-27
HIS TINE TO GLoAr

HIS TINE TO GLOAT.
am n vegetarian.
No heifer fed barbarian:
l live on things ograran,
m one Of those that like. you see.
nS sGa Sit that ncs ne5 The pike you 'es
To me IS quite treat.
laugh to think of those who eat
That horrid germ fraught stun called meat
For fear OF rising prices.
10 odds 70 us II beef should bs
BB% SS sai he rI pound s9@ fS You See
But live on grains and Ttces.
thought this morning as lay
And hunsered for my reaktast hay.
TS f pce ene Of e p@rR Gs HnG r,S Say
l pited all who didn't know
How nicely Tagweed pork chops go
When is tired a bit; and Oh.
The taste " pecan pes'
We of eat roasts Of who knows what
An6 eR {" e esn e RP9 o aqt St
OF weeds cannot name;
puree made of Watts's hymns
These soups delight our fats and Sims
And exc our halt and lame.
While they who long for flesh are gaunt
Because OF meat there is a want
And liver made OF radish:
We stuff on sausage made Of oats
Instead OF frasments saved from shotes;
Some people say were faddish
Head cheese we make from barley polls.
That you could not, 10 save your souls.
From real meat discern.
In brief 10 make long tale short,
And II meat should reach our port
Baltimore American
A friend Of the late Bishop Huntington was
spending Sunday in Edinburgh, and followed the
crowd to the church Of celebrated preacher. At
the close Of the service he said 10 the clergyman
THAT was remarkably fine sermon" The minis
Xxtb said
you" But" said the Boston man. Il have heard
ii before; it is of Bishop Huntngton's SER
mons "Ah. yes, l dare say. 10 be sure: but
Huntington could never have gotten 1t off as did
The anecdote is related by THE CONGREGATIONAL
st." whose only comment is that for consistent
and unblushinG plagiarism. this beats the record"
Jones (who is broke)-I have one faithful friend
Brown (also broke)-Who is it?
- My pipe. l can still draw on that"-CTown
Topics.
new defence was sprung lately in an English
criminal trial 1t pleaded on behalf OF the
defendant that he had once received electrical
shock of 2.coo volts and that 1t had impaired his
mind.
Customer-Why doesn't that spinster. Miss
Brown deal at your shop any more?
prapermOne of my clerks insulted her.
she overheard heard him telling some one that she
T Tines our Oldest customer -'dlassow Evening
Buffalo minister tells the following story: 1t
seems that Mrs. Blanks old maid sister was re-
Gently visiting at the Blank home in that city At
dinner one Sunday afternoon little Mabel Blank
looked up adIniringly at the guest aud innocentIy
said; Aunt Matilda. you're going TO heaven all
right when you die. amt your" II hope so
dearle." the aunt answered. with her sweetest
smile. But what put that into your head?.
Why" the child explained ''our Sunday schoo,
teacher told to-day that the Bible SAYS knock
and it shall be opened unto you. and heard mana
tell Uncle Joe yesterday that were the great
est knocker he ever saw"
Friendly Candor.-Nell-How do YOU like nv nam
photograph? '' nc"
Bell-Lovelvl I never should have known tha. =.
was you.-(Somerville Journal. ~ -
That is a fine story from Montana ohort ~
woman who swore TO make a man dig his 49,
grave, TO kill him and to cover him up in ~ a.
cording 10 THE Springfield Republican, sba ,o1a
the man she knew where some treasure vas 4,,,r,as
and traced the outline OF grave TO indicate .h
place he should dig. When he was down four raat
he happened to look UP and saw a pistol ro,rtos
at his head. He managed to escape OF course -
we shouldn't have had the story which Ia a GO
one, even for Montana. N
Guest-I want a good porterhouse steak
w alter-Gents that order porterhOusa etsau 49,
required 10 make deposit Switchboard Tribune