Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1904-03-04

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| Dude-Iney say cigarettes Will turn
the skin yellow. Mrs. Prim-That's
so. Every time catch my boy smok-
ing he gets tanned.-Mail and Ex-
press.
"Do you think you could ever marry
for money! mo. But I'm sure I
could soon learn to love girl who had
a million or two."-Chicago Record
Herald.
''They say that, after seven rehear-
sails, Charlie Swimmington actually
stumbled through the wedding cere-
mony." 'Overtrained, 1 suppose
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Sportsman-Any good hunting in
this part of the country? Native
Lots of it. Sportsman-What kind CT
game. Native-No game at all. Just
hunting Bits.
Willie 1 told Aunt Helen
she grew homelier every day. Mrs.
Slimson-You didn't tell her 1 said so,
did you? Il had to, or she would have
whipped me."-Brooklyn Life.
What are they going to do when
they get through tearing up the
streets? Lay 'em down again, of
course! How else would anybody be
able to tear 'em up later on, silly?"-
Baltimore News.
Reeder-Scott said a clever thing to-
day; said that luck is a good bit like
lightning, for it seldom strikes twice
in the same place. Heeder-Yes, aud
as rule neither of them needs to-
Pennsylvania Pucch Bowl.
Hannigan-Shure,t there scales is no
good at all fur me. They only weigh
the heft Of two hundred pounds, an
Dom near to two hundred and fifty.
Flannigan-Well, man alive, can't ye
git on thin e?-Philadelphia
Press.
Playgoer-I suppose the leading
lady is very happy after getting all
those bouquets. Usher-Oh, no. She
only got five. Playgoer- -Gracious!
Isn't that enough? Usher-No; she
paid for six, 1 believe.-Philadelph
Press.
Kittie-Paul told me last evening I
was the prettiest girl he ever saw.
Bessie that's nothing; he said the
same to me last year. Kittie-I know,
dear, but his taste may have improved
since then, you know.-Boston Tran,
script.
Prisoner, why did you strike this
man" IF you please, your Honor.
he came to me suddenly and said.
How old is AnnY" well, what hurt
did that do?" "Why, you see, your
Honor, Ann is my wife. .''-Cleveland
Plain Dealer
A Volcano.-"What is volcanor'
asked the teacher. "a mountain with
fire inside" said one. A smile of
comprehension spread over the puz-
zled face of the smallest scholar as she
asked, surprisedly, SIS that a mountain
angeT-Harper's Magazine.
She-I have two very dear friends
Agnes and Florence is
the more popular? "Oh, Agnes is
much more popular than Florence
among the girls" Introduce me to
Florence. l am partial to cookbook
ing girls. kansas City Journal.
Mrs. Kalling-You haven't got that
splendid butler nOw-Mrs. Parvenu-
No, he was fraud. Mrs. Kalling-In-
deed? Mrs. Parvenu-Yes, he forgot
himself once and neglected to drop
his his" so we discovered he wasn't
English at all.-Philadelphia Ledger.
He-How did you enjoy the opera
She-Oh, it was just splendid. He
But it was all French,
wasn't it? She-Oh, no! OF course,
some of the handsomest ones were I'M
Partisan, but there were !
many pretty gowns that were evil |
IDENTIFY made here. - Philadelphia |
Press.
The Widower: "a widower," remark
ed the elderly female, always reminds
me of a baby" 'How's that?" queried |
the young girl. During the first six
he cries good deal, the next
six months he begins to take notice, and
the odds are against his getting safely |
through his second Summer.''-Chicago |
News.
Launched on His Literary Career
Il understand your son has decided to
90 in for literature" Yes. and he's
made a splendid start already" You
don't say?" Yes; he went to auction
this morning and bought secondhand
writing desk for only four dollars and
ninety eight cents."-Catholic Standard
and Times.
Now" said Mrs. Biggleson's cousin
at breakfast on the morning after her
arrival, don't make company of me-
I want to be treated just as if 1 were
one of the family "All right" re-
piled Mr. Biggleson. helping himself
to the tenderest part of the steak.
well try to make you feel right at
nome.'- Chicago Record-H Herald.
The squire's pretty daughter (exam-
ming the village schooD-Now, chill
dren, can you tell me what a miracle
is? The children look at one another |