West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1904-05-19
The Colonel's Private Car and
Viands ConSficated by the Enemy.
Managed to Escape With His
Scalp to Maryland and Save
Funeral Expense.

Funeral Expense.
"Man wants but little here below,
but wants that little longl"
The one who penned the above
gem must have been one who
served term as a political war cor
respondent travelling over the coun-
try with the pie hunters. can, as
a political war correspondent, bear
testimony to the invariable wanting
of this specie of the human family.
In my experience of forty years over
the country in search of votes, votes
which would meet you with a graft
ing irons and brand you an easy
mark, l have never observed as
many wanting as they were in this
campaign. 1t appears that this
rambling was pleasure to the pie
hunters and profitable to the graft
ers-until after the battle of the
ballots.
l have never met pie hunter
who did not want. His wanting
was always in evidence, and the
grafters was ever willing to fill the
long felt want.
In the last expedition of pic
hunting many were frozen out and
left in want. They are still stiff
and in want, and as the political
missionary which l am it is my duty
to visit them and endeavor to com
fort them. This / am doing as fast
as circumstances will permit. 1t
must be remembered by those who
have not been initiated into the
mysteries OF politics that there is a
vast difference between travelling
with pie-hun,ers in pursuit of pie
and visiting those who have failed
to capture the PIE. Travelling with
the former you never go hungry nor
want for the stimulant which acts as
antidote against the tired feeling.
In visiting the later you have to
frequently subsist on the hand out
from the kitchen door and substitute
water for the snake exterminator
This will explain why am not in
such a frolicsome mood at this
particular stage of the campaign.
l cannot romp and ramble with the
agility which has been the admir-.
alton of those who have thrown
boquets at me as passed by. But
the accumulation of sorrow which |
have gathered on my rambling tour
since the primary, is more than the
ordinary man can stand and avoid
the undertaken. But / am Of a
heroic mold and Sampson physi-
que, so the ladies tell me.
1t grieves me to relate that the ar
is pregnant with accusations and
recrimination since the close of the
primary contest. Many believe
they were sand-bagged, while others
cling to the theory that they were
fiim-famed and buncoed. That
many of them have met with ser.
ious CASUALTIES of one kind or an
other Is evident from the numbers
who are lying Frustrated on the
battlefield. ! an doing all 1 can
to get around and diagnose
their cases and report to the people,
whose mentor am.
| called on Leader Leroy Shaw
on Monday and found him in a de.
plorable condition. When I enter.
ed his Office ] found him lying on
the lounge almost Frustrated and
lamenting with all the lamentation
which had accumulated within him
since the bulletin which announced
his political death.
81 have come to administer con
ISOLATION to you, and endeavor to re.
store you to your normal condition
before you we're stricken with prim.
airy fever, which has resulted so dis.
astrously to those who have been
using Hope and a Dead sure thing
as the only tonic for the lambs who
have been shorn," / said, as softly
and mercifully as 1 could. as I
knew the Leader needed every sur
plus Of sympathy II he was to be
consoled in bis present condition.
As NY last word had taken its aigh,
the Frustrated Leader made a des.
pcrale and heroic effort TO rise up
ana give FOIL vent 90 his feelings.
But he failed The deadly primary
fever had almost completed IFS
work Noticing the painful effort
Of The gallant Leader, remarked.
Ole still, my noble and beloved
Leader o. you will register your
next kick at the gates jar They
have At last gotten you INTO the hos.
pital where they have been planning
20 place you Tor the pas, thirty
years. You have fought desper
ately and heroically against the
hand Of the various Bosses which
! has ever been extended toad ,,o.,,-