The Minneapolis journal., 1904-04-15
THE HONPAREJL MAN
The United States Government Tries to
Obtain our Support by the Gift OF Gar
den Seeds for Our Upper Forty Acres
We Send 'Em Back.


We Send EN- Back.
Some kindly disposed person must have
sent In the name Of our upper forty acres |
to the agricultooral department, for the
rural 1ree delivery man deposited about a
peck OF all kinds Of garden seeds at our
pasture bars the other day We wish to
give distinct notice right here that we
sent EN- back! We are able to pay for
our own seeds, by gosht withouten graft
ing the United States government for
them. When we get SO dinged hard up
that we can't plant our own garden, then
Wen apply to Uncle Sam for few seed.
writer on the Topeka Capital con-
fesses to thinking more of a good beef
steak than of the works of Milton or
OF Tennyson. No doubt!
Our old friend M. T. CoaIbin promises
to come and make us a visit soon.
A Massa chusetts college president saws
that man who Is depressed ought to
oance When you see man looking de-
pressed go and freely give him this good
advice, and you'll see him dance around
llVely and express his opinion of college
presidents.
An excited doctor has run a pin thru
the mump m1crobe. 1t will be a great
Iriumph when they corral the stone bruise
microbe.
A Brooklyn church, yearning for peace
on earth, has abolished the choir.
Beatrice Fairfax had regular 'poser''
the other day from one of the "loyelorn,.
.s VINO nad ned to her for advice. This
I'm I,ile the heart-sick" one was a girl.
Clasplng her hands to her gentle bosom
she asked, tremulously:
pear MISS Fairfax: l am acquainted with
very nice young man. but in nv company bo
often falls asleep and snores, sometimes when
IAN l am talking to him. Will you kindly tell me-
en- him at times; then he tells me he ia nor
sleeping, but only resting his eyes -.
-Bewildered
And what did the cold, stately and
proper Beatrice answer to the unhappv
one?
do not think you try to make things yerv
entertaining for the young or he would not
fall asleep. ~ "
Heartless!
The proposition to adorn the walls Of
the Women's Hall of Fame at the Worlds
Fair with the pictures Of the society lead
ers of representative cities Of America. is
causing several jackassian hee-haws
among us paragraphers all over the
United States. Seems to us that no pic.
ture should be allowed in the building but
that of Mrs. Potter Palmer.
| A revival in a Pennsylvania town re-
suited in the disbanding of the ball team.
SIX OF the players seeing new light. AS
| Manager John McCord, who resigned from
| the club, puts it:
| ''Tha roerohars of tho fa,,,, VIII,
the church are afraid they could not dc
| their Christian duty and play baseball
| They fear the dirty work Of the umpire
which leads to swearing and fighting"
| A state of affairs like this should occa.
! sion thought
Perhaps you may remember that prob
lem about the age Of Annie? Here is an
other one that some of the older bows ma,
discover to be a problem of their youti
warmed over. But it is a good one ant
merits the little study that you ma,
give it.
Five men met on Nicollet avenue yes
terday whom we will call A. B, C, D ant
+, each of whom owed the other S. They
had but 81 apiece. A, who was "Napo
leon of Finance" after some thought sal,
he could fix things all right, SO he tolt
each one of the four to give him his dol
lar He put them in with the one he hat
and handed the S5 to B, and took his re
1 ceipt canceling the debt. B paid c an
took his receipt, who then paid D and /
paid E, who then handed the $5 to A
taking his receipt.
Does it not apepar that each man is $
ahead in the game except A. who has no
only paid his S. debt with ST. but has tn
IS in cash? Who. if any one, is the lose
in this transaction?
The Minneapolis Citizen, a kindly dis
posed newspaper published somewhere i
Minneapolis Hennepn county, Minnesota
has the following disgusting attack on ou
integrity of purpose:
OF late the Evening Journal has been runnin
two columns side by side on It's editorial mage
one headed "News of the Book World and tb
other the ever familiar "Nonpareil Man" an,
while the Book World column was alway
signed 1.-The Uneasy Chair" readers of tho nane
have noted the familiar tone and striking re
semblance OF the two columns. Last evening
paper. however. capped the climax with
criticism In the book column of Russ's las
volume. "stony Lonesome Better dsguis
your verbs. A. J.. when you change chairs
would not look quite so bald
When we read that. not caring how bi
! and burly the cuss was who wrote 1t. W
felt that we could lick him. But, afte
further consideration, can we honestly sa
| that there are any depths Of degradatio
! to which a man would not descend to ad
vertise his first book, so that some on
5 would buy it besides his personal friends
In reply to the Citezen's charges we dc
, however, say, You're another. We never
5 either!'
8 AS the time for putting in lettuce al
rives, it recalls the sad experience of las
= year We were going to have fine be
of lettuce, in fact, it was up about tw
inches, but we missed gathering the Gro
just by a hare. You see, the rabbit cam
Q along and ate it up first.