The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1904-09-25
Grandchildren Not DisinheIited.

late. He comes into the world in
4 the last minute Of the last hour
OF the last day of the year.
A little more ard he wouldn't be born
at all. He's never on time. He'd make
a rank failure as the leader Of an or
chestra. A leader has 10 beat tune This
man can't even catch Up with At. He'll
be late so long as he lives; in all proba-
bility he'll die late.
If he doesn't expire of criminal lonGe-
witty before the end Of the roll is called
some one viii have TO hit him on the
head to bring him in on time for the
resurrection
The seasick passenger tramps about
deck the arst day like a lcft,handed
girl with an engagement ring, con-
sumes one cigar after another, gives way
to airy persifage when he's not hum
ming softly TO himself and looks gen
orally as II ne had joke on somebody.
Seasickress His Theme.
He talks about seasickness the way a
confirmed bachelor speaks OF marriage
At his first dinner he doesn't renig
onee-g0es thfough from soup 10 nuts
after which ne again repairs TO the
deck. The following day he reclines in
his chair end doesn't say "a word
Cigars are pleasures of the past He
has lost ell the Old-time vivacity every
one admired so much and instead as
sumed the quiet. PARKWAY expression OF
a stuffed weasel. He doesn't look ripe;
seems to be thinking over his past life.
When no one looks he staggers to a Sc
questered portion OF the rail, supports
his head on his hands and peers long
and earnestly into the yeast OF waves.
as If trying 70 fathom the caverns OF
the ocean.
Takes All Remedies.
When he resumes his seat he doesn' [
seem to give one single, solitary tinker S
dam about Urns or animated busts or
lowing herds winding slowly DER the
lea But he isn't sick It's a bad attach;
Of housemaid's knee. a friend says
some cracked wheat oatmeal porridge
and a glass Of champagne will tone him
up in jig time. Another friend says
brandy and soda. Somebody else sug-
gests Jamaica ginger.
The victim takes them as they are
mooted. when finally he takes a few
drops Of cauphor in a glass Of water he
ceases to car. and lies back with closed
eyes waiting for the armament to roll
up like a scroll.
The affable passenger has his own
troubles. He is introduced TO the pretty
girl who wears lead in the bottom OF
her skirt Her mother chances along
and the affabIe passenger refers to her
as Grandma" No Offense is intended,
wherefore none is taken.
Then he falls to criticising the ship.
Says it's a cross between a wet bath
house and a small room on the top floor
of a summer hotel. Says the man who
built that ship ought to build another
and go down the River Styx. The
pretty girl with the lead in her
skirt smiles at this, and, dimpling all
over, says:
"Pah-Pah Built It."
Dear pah-pah built this ship. I'm
sorry you don't like it." The affable
passenger swears gently, but firmly to
himself and begs the pretty girl not to
mind him. He says he's suffering from
insomnia. 1t develops that the occu-
pant of the stateroom adjoining his
shores like one possessed
Il dU1't see how that man gets any
rest" he says. IF 1 snored like that
I'd keep my feet awake all night. The
number Of my room? No. a"
Then the pretty girls stops smiling and
her mother draws herself up TO a digni-
fed height.
Sir" she says. my daughter and
occupy room No. II
The affable passenger rises quickly,
excuses himself by saying there's a man
waiting for him and then disappears
into the smoking room.
The nervous passenger is a wart on
the face of nature. He shares the state
room Of a man who never had nerve
in his life. He wouldn't know nerve
If he met one face to face on the street
The third night out the nervous passen-
ger awakes with a start and cries out
loudly that the ship is sinking.
Sam he shouts. 1.-The ship is going
down and 1 can't ind the electric lightH
Sam awakes, gives expression TO his
outraged feelings, says things about
the nervous passenger that includes his
fcrefathers, his descendants and all his
seed. after which Sam turns over with
a grunt and goes 70 sleep. Meantime