The Montgomery advertiser., 1904-10-16

.orvarsation is about his lumbago. He sraauentIy mintions tn fact that he fixes certain articles iv food but they don't like him. whin he comes home at night, he plays with tn dog. talks pollytics with his nex' dure neishoor. puts his hat an pair " cuns on tn pianah, sets down in front iv tn fire, kicks on his boots an dhraws on a pair iv carpet slippers an thin notices that tn wife iy his bosom is on tn premises. Hello. or woman. he says.
 How's all ye'er troubles?' he says.
 "wanst a year. Belinda meets him at
 tn dure with a flower in her hair. We'll he says. what are tn decora- tions aboutr he says. Don't ye know what day this is? says she. Sure says he; its Choosdah.' No. sbut what dayr I give 1t up. St. Pat rick's Day, Valentines Day. Pay Day. What's tn answer? But think I give 1t up It's tn annyvarsary iv our weddin.' 'Oh.' says he. so 1t Is. I'd clean frgot. That's right. ray mimber 1t well now that we mintion it. We'll, better luck nex' time. There take that he says. An he salutes her on tn forehead an goes down in tn cellar to wurruk on a patent skid that will rivoInehionize tn grocery business
 If he suffers a twing iv remorse later, he tells her to take two dollars out iv tn housekeepin' money an buy hersilf a suitable prisint.
 He's pleasant in tn avenin. At suppor, havin' explained his daily maladies at full length. he relapses in. to lgloomy silence. broken on'y De such Sounds as escape firm man dhrinkin' hot coffee. Afther supper, he figures on tn prob'ble market fir rutybagy turnips while his wife r'reads tn advertisemints iv tn theaytres. lawn Drew Is here this week. says she. Is he? says Archybald. That's good he says, haven't been to theaytre since Billy Emerson died.' he says. I hate tn thesytre. It ain't bit like rale life as see 1t in business hours he says. Afther awhile whin Belinda begins to tell him a thrillin' says-she about wan iv tn neighbors. he lapses into a pleasant sleep. now an thin arousin' himself to murmur: 'Um-m.' At nine o'clock he winds tn clock, puts tn dog out fr tn night. takes off his collar on tn stairs an goes to bed. Belinda sets up a little later an dhreams Richard Harding Davis wrote a book about her.
 But tn five years ar-re up at last. Wan mornin' Archybald is glarin' firm behind a newspaper in his customry jaynial breakfast mood. whin his wife says: Where will sind ye'sr clothes? What's that? says he. Where dye live to-morrah? Don't be foolish or woman. What dye meanr says he. I mean says she, that tn lease has expired. At tin-thirty today. it r-runs out. like ye. Archybald. but I think has r-run down. Tn repairs haven't hoon kanf haVan't aTInwad enough f'r wear an tear It looks too much like a boardin' house. I'm goin' into tn market to prospect fir a hus- band with all modhern Improvements says she.
 Well, wudden't that be a jolt fir Archibald? Ye bet he'd beat tn quar- ther mile record to tn joolers. He'd haul out or pitchers iv himself as he was tn day he won his threasure an he'd hurry to beauty upholsterer an say: Make me as like that there Apollo Belvydere as ye can without tearin' me down altogether It wud be fine. He'd get her back maybe but it wud be a sthruggle.. An afther that about a year befure tn conthract expired again, ye'd see him pickin' purple ties out iv tn shop window. buyin' theaytre tickets be tn scoor an stoppin' ivry avenin' at a flower shop to gather bunch iv vfolets. He'd hire a man to nudge him whin his birthday came around an ivry time tn annyvarsary iv tn weddin' occur red, he'd have a firewurruks display firm tn front stoop. Whin he'd suc- ceeded in con-vincin' tn objeck iv his affections that she cud put up with him f'r another five years, they cud go on their weddin' journey. Ye'd read in tn pa-apers:. Misther an Mrs. Archy- bald Pullets were marrid again las night be tn president iv tn First Na- tional Bank. They departed on their twelfth weddin' Journey followed be a. shower iv rice firm their grandchild- her. It wud be fine. I hope George What-s-his-na puts it through"
 "Ye don't believe wan wurrud ye say" said Mir. Hennessy.