davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1904-08-13
cLIMPsEs INTO MYTHOLOGY.
rom the Milwaukee sentinel.

From the Milwaukee Sentinel.
Gree was showing Ulysses her palace.
ITS a mighty fine layout" she de-
clared, but l can't get the landlord TO
put in any plumbing
Readiusting her side combs, she showed
him the conservatory.
Charon was rowing some democrats
across the River Styx.
'Wait till show you where you land"
he chuekled. ut will remind you of one
of your conventions"
Pulling on the left oar, he made for the
wharf
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1904-08-13
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR.

From the New York Press.
The stock market motto must be: One
good steal deserves another,
It's heap sight easier being religious
with frills than just plain good.
It's great mistake for a girl to have
big ankles when she gets tipped out of a
hammock.
Some people are so proul of themselves
they like to run races with lamp-posts so
as TO applaud tneir victory.
A woman is pretty tricky to ask her
husband If 1t is going to rain, and II he
says no to go out with an umbrella.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1904-08-13

From the Philadelphia Press
1.-THE last time l saw Reider ne told
me he was studying three foreign Ian
guages and could speak fairly well In all
CT them. Is he still at it?"
Yes. hut he has improved wonderfully.
He was telling me only to today that he
knows enough now to keep his mouth
shut In all of them"
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1904-08-13

Uncle" Joe Cannon says that Par
ker was between the devil and the
deep blue sea when he sent his gold
telegram, but his argument is knocked
into a cooked hat by the fact that
Judge Parker is not afraid OF the devil
and Is a good swimmer.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1904-08-13
No Difference,

from The Detroit Free Press.
..ci'me plug of tobaccar fur gram
s.an ordered the urchin who stood on
his toes to look over the counter.
park or lignt'
.Don't make no diftrunee' he can't
see.'
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1904-08-13

King Edward has started for 30
hemia, where he will take his yearly
baths. The king bathes of course all
the year around, but the Bohemian
baths are taken with trimmings which
are believed to be beneficial to his
maiestys health.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1904-08-13
WHAT PARKER'S SPEECH
SAYS, AND DOES NOT SAY

which the voters will have to Judge and
decide. Touching the Philippines the
views of the two candidates are thus
stated:
PARKER. ROOSEVELT
That responsible I'VE have. estab-
ity will be best SUBJ lished in the islands
served by preparingIa government by
the islanders as rap Americans assisted
idly as possible for by Filipinos. We are
self-goyernment and steadily striving to
giving to them the transform this into
assurances that tia self-government by
will come as soon as the Filipinos assist
they are reasonably ed by Americans"
prepared for it."
The tariff Judge Parker denounces as
unjust and so framed as to exact inordi-
nate profits from the people. He cannot
promise any modification save that to
which the republican majority in the
senate may consent during the next four
years, but he states the democratic posi-
ton to be:
PARKER. ROOSEVELT
'In favor of a rea- SET at whenever
sonable reduction oflthe need arises there
the tariff; that we should be q read
believe 1t is demand justment Of the tar
ed by the best inter- lift schedules is un-
ests of both manu- doubted, but such
facturer and con- changes can with
sumer, and that a safety be made on
wise and benefcentlly by those whose
revision of the tariff devotion to the prin-
can be accomplished ciple of a protective
as soon as both tariff is beyond
branches of congress question, for other
and an executive in wise the changes
favor of 1t are elect would amount not
ed without Great to readjustment but
ing that sense of I'M to repeal"
certainty and insta-
bility that has on
other occasions man
Tested ITSELF
On the regulation Of the trusts judge
Parker asserts what Mr.. Roosevelt has
denied. that the tariff has a direct rela-
ton to the problem.
PARKER. ROOSEVELT.
What is needed 1--WE do not have
In addition to theto explain why the
passage of a statute laws We're not en-
revising the tariff forced. but to point
duties to a reasona- out that they actu-
BILE basis-is not so ally have been en-
much other and diff forced and that Leg
ferent laws as off, islation has been en-
cials having both the acted to increase
disposition and thel the effectiveness Of
| courage to enforcetheir enforcement"
existing laws
While vigorously calling for reform of
abuses in the government Judge Parker
declares that the spirit of the demo-
cratic platform assures conservative
instead of rash action" While the judicial
tone of his speech may disappoint cam
paign workers who want ringing phrases,
the absence of these will favorably i'm
press all thoughtful readers. The judge
declaration that IL elected he will not
accept a denomination and the reasons as
signed for this attitude are very impress
sive. 1t is in the demand for a return to
calmer, constitutional government as OPP
posed to Mr.. Roosevelt's impetuous i'm
perialism that the dominant issue in this
campaign is found. In comparison with
that the tariff, trusts and so on are of
minor consequence. What Judge Par
ker's speech says on that subject will be
pronounced clear and authoritative by the
people, and
The people will have to decide!
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1904-08-13
Fruit and Vegetable Campaign.

We have located another valuable en-
terprise on the Alabama Great Southern
railroad, south of Birmingham" said F.
!. Anderson, manager of the Alabama
State Land company land 1t is a con-
tinuation of the policy adopted by our
company to develop the resources of this
section and to encourage diversiication OF
industries,
we have contracted with a party to
enter extensively into the cultivation of
fruits and vegetables, and to encourage
others to do so. He guarantees to ship
one thousand car loads per annum for a
number of years, and Will increase the
shipments from year to year. while this
principal will plant largely himself he
plans to furnish fertilizers and boxes TO
his neighbors, and will club with them in
the enterprise thus affording them sure
market. He will himself put $50 acres in
peaches.
Thus you see that the attention of
capital and energy is attracted to the
great possibilities afforded by this section
In the cultivation of fruits and vege-
tables"
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1904-08-13

The good trusts are like the good
Indians. One is not bit better than
the other, and dead trust is far more
valuable to the public than dead
Indian
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1904-08-13

A barkeeper who has inherited $780,
900 announces that he loves his work
and will continue mixing drinks. A
great many people would do the same
thing, but they would prefer mixing
the drinks for themselves and not the
public.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1904-08-13
A coMPLAIsANT MAN.

From the Florida Times-U Union.
The Birmingham Age Herald declares
that Kuropatkin cant stand pat.
Strikes us that he can stand most any
thing.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1904-08-13

Instead of sailing to and through
the Dardanelles Admiral Jewell turned
aside to Smyrna, where he may have
to take out his bill in figs.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1904-08-13

The beef trusts feels SO secure I'M
der the present administration that its
magnates are taking their customary
trips to Yurrup.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1904-08-13

A subscriber asks the New York
Times if that esteemed paper ever saw
a dead donkey. We have seen a great
many live donkeys, and all of them did
not have four legs, either.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1904-08-13

The goldenrod is blooming and the
theatres are opening The good old
summer time is slipping away.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1904-08-13

The cable is now being used for
matrimonial purposes and before long
it will be possible to get long dis
lance divorce.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1904-08-13

Cartoons 5000 years old have been
discovered, but none of them contain
the picture of rough rider.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1904-08-13

Cincinnati lacks rain, and Birming-
ham is willing to sell its rainwater
privilege at mere cost of transporta-
ton.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1904-08-13

The Standard Oil is preparing to buy
London bank, and if the Bank OF
England is on the market it may b.
taken over by our star monopoly.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1904-08-13

Strikes may multiply, but 1t is at
least reasonably certain that the
spellbinders and bandwagons will not
strike.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1904-08-13

If the Japs succeed, they will see that
Kuropatkin is carried where he can
eat his Christmas dinner in Toxic.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1904-08-13

The majority of Parker and Davis in
the electoral college is estimated all
the way from three up to landslide
figures.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1904-08-13

Colonel Younghusband will soon in
stall a British resident or governor
general in the Forbidden City.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1904-08-13

Smallpox has broken out in Zion
City, and is about the only thing that
has the courage to break out in that
Dowieized town.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1904-08-13

The sultan of Morocco is another
potentate who is reported to be in dam
ger of losing his job.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1904-08-13

With 6O0,O00,oOO pounds of prunes
ON the market the future of star board
ers Is indeed ominous.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1904-08-13

The lgorrotes who went to the
White House were clad in loin cloths
and an amiable disposition.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1904-08-13

The only Schwab now owns the big
gest automobile that money would
buy in Yurrup.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1904-08-13

The New York World proposes tina
the subway tavern be arbitrated.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1904-08-13

Russell Sage is not gutter, even
in the S9th year of his age,
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1904-08-13

Bishop Potter is using the hair of
the dog to cure the sting of the fire.
water bite.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1904-08-13

It's all boom at Port Arthur-more
boom than business.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1904-08-13

Birmingham is near the head of the
summer resort list.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1904-08-13

Out in Iowa they say, "The road is
no place for mud"
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1904-08-13

Col Dan Lamont is slowly, but sure.
ly, getting into the limeIight.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1904-08-13

In course of time the postmastership
at Esopus ought to be a very good
Job.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1904-08-13

Judge Parker's speech of accept
ance ranks second to his telegram
only.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1904-08-13

Chicago faces a strike of 5000 tailors,
but the Igorrotes are not interested.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1904-08-13

Admiral Jewell cannot transform
Smyrna into a second Manila.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1904-08-13

The autoists that scorch should be
promptly jugged
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1904-08-13

of the trusts Judge
Mr.. Roosevelt has
if has a direct rela-
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1904-08-13
ROOSEVELT.

O>fh~@@ A@< a
SET h a I whenever
the need arises there
should be a read
justment Of the tar
iff schedules is un-
doubted, but such
changes can with
safety be made on
ly by those whose
devotion to the prin-
ciple of a protective
tariff is beyond
question, for other
wise the changes
would amount not
to readjustment but
to repeal"
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1904-08-13
RoOsEYELT.

here again is question Of fact on
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1904-08-13

bankruptcy and alleges that the cause
of his financial straits wss an automobile.
He bought a machine for $500 and spent
more than 5000 on II for repairs. Sensible
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1904-04-29
Terrible Accident.

Cleveland Jefferson, aged about ~
years, an employee of Shoots tannery,
at SperryvilIe, Rappahannock county,
was the victim of an accident at an
early hour Wednesday morning which
cost him his life. Jefferson was en-
gagged at work on the outside OF the tan
merry, near large tank ofboiling grease.
He slipped and fell into the tank. de
soon managed to crawl out, but the skin
began to fall from the flesh. A NUM-
Der of other employees of the establish,
ment soon provided barrel OF cold
water, into which Jefferson was placed,
and in this he was carried to his home.
He died soon after reaching his home.
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1904-04-29
FIJI. Finley & Sons Sodas and Miner
Waters are made from pure distilled water,
MIR. Thomas for Congress.

To the Editor of the Alexandria Gazette
noticed in the Gazette OF the 10th
instant, in the Washington letter,
that it is reported that the friends of Mr.
Clarence Thomas, of Loudoun county,
are urging him to become candidate for
Congress. This is indeed pleasant news
to his large number of friends and, | be-
lieve. to the citizens Of his native county,
and of the Eighth District generally
AS a member of the Virginia Demo
cratic Association of Washington, OF
which Mr.. Thomas is president, and as
a tax payer of Loudoun, it gave me
great pleasure to hear that his friends
are urging him to become candidate
| had the pleasure of attending the an
nual banquet of the Association, held at
Rauscher's, in this city, at which he
presided. have since heard many com
pliments over the dignifed and excellent
manner is which he presided, and the
clear-cut manner in which he spoke.
He is graduate of the University OF
Virginia, and has been resident OF Vir-
ginia all his life. He has always stood
by the party, and worked for it, and has
stood high in the councils OF his District,
although he has never sought office.
Loudoun has not had the nomination
for Congress for seventy'five or eighty
wears. and | think she is certainly due to
nut a candidatein the field. In doing so,
| / think she can find no worthier, ADLER,
or energetic gentleman than Mr.. Thomas
He has never missed primary or an
election in his life, and has repeatedly
represented his county in the congress
sional and gubernatorial conventions
and was member of the State conven
ton that met at Norfolk that called thu
constitutional convention. After man,
wears of faithful service to his party,
think this tribute to him and LoudouI
county is Justly deserved. / hope hi
friends in the District will come forwar'
in his behalf, and urge him to become
candidate.
In asking you to publish this letter
believe that am only, in very fam
manner, extolling the qualities OF
gentleman who would make one OF tn
sblest representatives that the Eight
District has ever sent to Washington.
4 MEMBER OF THE VIRGINIA DEMO
CRATIC ASSOCIATION.
E Washington, ID. T., April ~.
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1904-04-29
Lansburgh &BrO.,
42O to 426. Seventh Street,
WASHINGTON. DC.
FOREIGN NEWS.

An estimate of the state of the Hunga-
rian Railway men strike puts the cost OF
the five days ideness at 5000, 900.
The thousand guinea plate was won
at Newmarket, England, today by MAJOR
Eustace Loder's Pretty Polly, with Lane
up.
An attempt was made by revolution
lists today to assassinate the district Gov
ernor of Etsthmadsun near Eriyan, IN
the Caucasus. The Governor was twice
wounded, one of the shots fred penetrat-
ing his breast.
Disaster today overlook party OF
boats builders who were crossing the
Volga river at huron, not far from
acknowledgement, Russia. The boat
was overloaded and upset and fifteen OF
the men were drowned.
Details regarding the coal gas explo-
sion in the Reunion mine, near Seville,
Spain yesterday, give the dead at 90,
though il is thought more lost their lives.
The remains of those who lost their lives
in the explosion are SO calcined that few
are recognizable.
American Minister Leishmann and
British Ambassador O'Connor at Con-
stantinople have called the serlous atten-
ton of the Porte to the recent massacres
in Armenia. The Vail ofBitlis and the
Mutessarrf of Mush, together with
Armenian Bishops, have proceeded to
Sassoum to see what can be done toward
the pacifcation of the anti-Armeniar
element.
The natives in Manila district are IN
state of religious frenzy over the ar
rest of man who has been exhorting
them to follow him, claiming that h
was the Black Jesus. He is being held
on charge of making false pretences:
A fire on the Escolta today Threatened
to destroy the postoffice, but was go
under control before great damage was
| done
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1904-04-29
The River.

The tide in the river made high last
night and this morning, but not enough
to cause any serious Inconvenience, al
though the water extended into the
Strand and added considerably to the
miry conditions already existing there
by reason of the recent rains. While
some trash, etc., is being borne down by
the tide, there are no realindicat'ons OF a
freshet yet, although the river is said to
be rising above. AT Williamsport Nd,
last night the river was abOnt eight feet
above normal and still rising. Some APP
prehension is entertained as TO the out
come.
The steamers arriving here from be-
low report nothing of interest on the
river.
The schooners Edith and Ella and
Ruth are being loaded with lumber by
H. X. Field & Co., for points on st.
Mary's river.
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1904-04-29
Fined for Fighting Dogs.

Two negroes, Fred Simnis and James
Bundy, were arraisned in the Washing
ton Police Court yesterday to answer a
Joint charge of cruelty to animals, IN
connection with a fierce dog fight on
Analostan Island, on Monday afternoon.
The negroes took two finely bred bull
dogs to the island on Monday, and while
a few persons looked on the dogs fought
until one was killed and the other S
throat was torn so that it, too, must die
Judge Scott gave the two negroes the
limit of the law, fning each $3.50.
Should they fail to pay the fine the ne
groes will be made to serve year in
prison. Occasionally people who ex-
perience qualification by witnessing dog
fights pit animals in and near this city.
The promoters of such brutal sport
should be fined the maximum sum pro-
yided bv law.
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1904-04-29
A Clint of Herring.

The market yesterday was overstocked
with herring. A vessel-lOad OF fine
specimens of this variety of fish arrived
here from Stony Point, but they could
not be disposed of. 1t soon became ap-
parent that it would be necessary to
carry the cargo back, and the owner
supplied gratis all who made application
with as many herring as they desireds
Later the vessel started down the river.
Affairs at Fishtown this morning we're
unchanged. Packers and cutters were
busiIy at work filling orders.
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1904-04-29
Warnn ST. Asaph.

Warrants, it is said, will be sworn out
in few days for all the employees OF the
poolroom at St. Asaph. This is the
substance of statement made yesterday
by Crandall Mackey, Commonwealth 5
Attorney of Alexandria county. Inc
report of the grand jury, which has Just
adjourned, will be taken as basis TOR
the prosecution. Mr.. Mackey intimated
Yesterday that the prosecution Of the
gamblers would possibly mean the be-
ginning of an expose in politics IN the
county
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1904-04-29
To Sue for Wharf Rent.

Legal proceedings have been recon-
mended by the Auditor of the District
of Columbia to recover from E. S. Ran
dali 1925, alleged 10 be due for rent OF
wharves along the river front. This
covers the past two quarters, which
should have been paid as they fell due.
The auditor states to the commissioners
that despite the fact that no notice OF
payment due is required from the Dis,
trict. such notices have been sent and
have elected no response. Commis-
sioner West has moved that the case be
turned over to the corporation counsel
for action.
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1904-04-29
The Gubernatorial Contest.

Reports received from down the Rap
pahannock river, in reference to the
coming contest for the democratic nomi-
nation for Governor Of the State, are to
the effect that in Lancaster and Northum-
berland counties, in the Northern Neck,
and in Essex and King and Queen coun-
ties, on the south side of the Rappahan-
mock, the sentiment is strongly in favor
of Congressman Swanson, while in Mid
dlesex county, OIL the south side, Lieu
tenant Governor Willard is the favorite.
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1904-04-29
Personal.

Mr.. Charles n. Crittenton Will TINS
evening hold a reception in honor OF the
delegates Of the National Florence Crit
tenton Mission, at his residence at the
cy.ner Washington and OrJnocp streets,
this city.
Mr.. and Mrs. Howard Randolph
Bayne have issued cards to the marriage
of their niece, Miss Betty Bayne-Jones,
to Mr.. Richard Humphreys Bateson,
which is to take place on the afternoon
of Wednesday, May 18th, at four
O'Clock, at 80 st. Marks Place, New
Brighton, Staten Island. The bride
elect has many relatives in this city and
vicinity.
Mrs. Henry Brown Turner, of River
side Drive, New York, is the guest of
her sister, Mrs. Benoni Wheat, on north
Washington street.
Mrs. Henry w. Gays, of Ottawa,
Canada, is visiting Miss Ella r. Smoot.
Mr.. 7. n. Davis, chief dispatcher OF
the W.. A. & Mt. V. Ry., and Mr.. w.
r. Vernon, assistant ticket receiver left
Tuesday for ten days visit to Sturgeon
CITY. Mo.