The San Francisco call., 1904-08-04

W. F. Allen, dairyman at Forty
eighth avenue and P street, warbled
a blithesome greeting to the dawn as
he >copiously diluted with water the
lacteal product of his seven cows.
Watching from concealment were two
sleuths of the Health Department, DR..
NJ. j. Brady and DR.. Hassler, and when
they believed they had seen enough to
warrant Aliens arrest they emerged
from their hiding-place and took him
and the debilitated milk to the police
station.
When the case was called before
Judge Cabaniss yesterday there was
no appearance of the defendant, his
bail was declared forfeited and a bench
warrant issued for his capture. The
two complaining witnesses were there,
however, ready to recount how they
confirmed their suspicion that Allen
was putting more aqua in his milk
than was good for the folk who con-
sumed it, especially as the water was
not of first-class quality. For two
days they lay low in a house adjoin-
ing that of the suspect. but not until
they concealed themselves in his barn
was their patience rewarded. They
the water ere he spilled it into the
milk at the ratio of one pint to the
gallon. The water was taken from a
well, and analysis of it disclosed a
large percentage of impurity.
When the detectives taxed Allen with
OVERRIDING his dilution act he ingenu-
ously informed them that less than a
pint of water in each gallon of milk
would make the mixture undrinkab bic,
because of the richness of the fluid as
1t came from the COWS, said richness
being caused by the ultra nutritious
food supplied the animals in unlimited
quantity. He realized that he would
save both time and money by feeding
his kline less literally, but he was such
lover of the gentle beasts that he
could not abstain from pampering their
appetite.
What he will say in court remains to
be written.
Pat Malloy, born of colored parents.
who were temporarily sojourning in
the historic city of Limerick, Ireland,
complained that he has had nothing
but hard luck since he arrived in Cali
fornia, and requested Judge Cabaniss
to suggest a remedy. His Honor side
stepped the appeal by referring it to
one of Malloy's fellow -countrymen,
Bailiff Hickey, who instantly advised
a change of name. Malloy stated that
he was christened by his forbears,
and Hickey said that fact made no
difference
You see" he explained, your name
is a complete nisfit, as it does not har-
monize with your color, and how you
have managed to live so long with such
hoodoo is a mystery to me. Petition
the next Legislature to remove the han
dicap by changing your name to
George Washington or Andrew Jack
son or something like that, and you'll
find that good luck will come with the
new cognOmen."
MallOy promised to try the expert
ment. He was arrested for depositing
garbage in a waste place, which is con-
trary to law, and the case will be
heard to-day.
Thomas Spencer was so enthused by
admiration of a lady vocalist's per-
formance In an OFarrell-street music
hall that he jumped upon a table and
wildly swung his hat and shouted,
'Zip-yah," loudly and repeatedly.
why don't you bring her out again.
you stiffs?" he yelled at the other GEN
tlemen present. She's the butte Of the
bunch and sings like a dickey bird.
Zip-yah- -zipi" Thrice did he repeat the
offense ere he was elected from 3he
hall, and then he sneaked in again and
made himself so disagreeable to all the
other patrons that his arrest was
deemed essential to NE restoration of