Waterbury evening Democrat., 1904-05-10

fathers gin and water
That's very fair. But how much
does she weigh?''
How much? How much? Why,
what odds does that make? Whoever
heard of weighing the characters of
play"
1T makes just this difference, Mr..
Bowser. If your heroine weighs 160
pounds and your hero only 40 the au-
dience won't be prepared to see him
throw her over his shoulder and trot
across a grapevine bridge and up the
side of a steep mountain. However,
you can have her take antifat and feed
him upon corned beef at the same time
and thus get the right proportions. He
bears her off at midnight, but where
to?"
II said there was to be no sarcasm"
protested Mr.. Bowser
''And there is none. am just MAX
ing friendly comments. Does he bear
her to depot, ferryboat or where?''
"He bears her to the mountains, of
course. want mountains in for scenic
effect. He bears her to cave in the
mountains. Her father discovers her
fight next morning, and he raises a
force of fifty men and starts in pur-
suit. He swears that he will have her
back dead or alive and that he will kill
Adolphus or put him to the torture.
Right there again is chance for
Booth or Barrett. Imagine the scene.
The fifty men are drawn upon bridge
over gull. The old man stands con-
I,<, \ IL
right hand and
The cat had come out, thinking the
performance had closed but when Mr..
Bowser's right hand went up he real
lied the peril Of the situation and made
a second scramble for life.
Never mind" consolingly observed
Mrs. Bowser as the hand fell.
But / will mind" he savagely re-
torted. "Do you think I'm going to
have one of the best plays of the cen
fury knocked out by cross eyed, dou-
BILE jointed old spotted tomcat"
He spent five minutes freezing the
cats soul with terror by words and
glares and then gave it UP, and Mrs.
Bowser said:
"Well, Adolphus gets the heroine to
a cave, and they have picked up
breakfast of johnnycake and bologna
sausage, and then what happens?"
who said they had any such break
fast?'
''Then they couldn't have had any at
all. That isn't so material to the play,
however. The father and his fifty
men follow on, of course?
soc oo11rco What ro fhor fforo for~oc
'But you should have the villain
guide them. You have a villain,
haven't your
"Y-e-s-that is, I'm going to have.
There's no particular hurry about the
villain butting in. He will naturally
lead the crowd when he does come in
"Well, the villain, the father and the
fifty armed men set off up the noun
tain, - then what happens?
''They are ~-...shelmed,' replied
Mr.. Bowser.
by a snowslide?"
Eyes, by a snowslide started by
Adolphus He sees them coming. He
sees snowslide just ready to slide.
He would spare the father in order to
have a father-in-law, but he cannot.
He swings his hat. He calls out. He
warns them to return before it is too
late. He stands thus, and-and"-
And Mr. Bowser looked around for
the cat. The feline had his head out
from under the lounge, and the two
stood glazing at each other till Mrs.
Bowser had to laugh in their faces.
Thanks for the insult" stiffiy re-
piled Mr.. Bowser.
'But it is no insult. Please go on
with the plot"
mot another word, madam. I was
an ass to have told you as much as
did. 1t is evident to me that you are
far more interested in an internal old
cat than in my play, and you and the
cat can so to Ballyhacllw
He thereupon walked down the hall
and put on his hat and overcoat and
walked over to the drug store. He
knew the druggist to be an old theater
goer, and after bit he queried of him:
what would you say If told you
I was writing four act come p
Il should say that you we' ne big
gest jackass in town. was the prompt
reply.
Mr.. Bowser looked at him for mo-
ment with sudden death in each eye
and then passed out into the night.
And the gas lamps fiared, the shadows
danced rs he wandered to and fro and
felt that of all the living, breathing
human beings on earth he was the
only one who couldn't write play and
get snowsllde started at the proper
moment M. QUAD.