Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1904-12-17
BITS OF BURGLAR WIT.
Housekeepers Have Proved to be Coed
Scholars.


1t is quite mistake to imagine that
the burglar who has q weakness for
paving us surprise visits at unconVen-
tional hours is necessarily the coarse,
llet-haaded, loW-type man so COM
lhonly pictured says Il writer in thu.
London Tid-bits. He may be and often
is man of gentlemanly exterior and %
education. who would seem much more
III his element in ones drawing room
than climbing through a kitchen WIN
dow.
That he can be polite. if satirical, has
been proved over and over again by the
messages he leaves behind for the bene-
fit of his unseen most, many of which
are treasured at New Scotland Yard.
1t is not long since one of these noe .
tUrEal gentlemen, who had paid an un-
expected call on a weli-known author.
left behind him this message on the Ii
brary table:
Dear sir: 1t is a matter Of regret
With me that youl taste in wines is not
IS good as your taste in books. If it
had been l should have spent a stin
more delightful time under your hospit-
able roof.
The writer of this message, who was
arrested a few weeks later, proved to
be university graduate, who in his
honest days, had himself written more
than one promising volume.
Another gentlemanly burglar, who
had apparently spant an agreea BILE
hour in certain house in a West End
square, left visiting card behind with
the letters "P P. c." penciled in the
corner. and on the back We're these
lines:
l am sorry not to have had the
pleasure of saying goodbye in person.
AS some little compensation for my
disappointment l am venturing to take
a few mementoeS of my too brief stay
in your home.
A burglar who paid recent visit to
the house of a Yorkshire square was
evidently none too pleased with the
fare that had been unconsciously
provided for him, for before retiring he
penned this note:
Dear sir: One good turn deserves
another. Take my tip and-change
your cook. Yours faithfully.
ALGERNON FITZSIMMONS SKIES.
But all burglars are by no means
courteous to their hosts, as a certain
gentleman in the Midlands can testify.
This gentleman, who is a doctor. had
unfortunately provided nothing for his
unlimited guest but solitary bottle
of inferior claret. In the morning this
bottle was found among his drugs with
label attached, on which was this
message:
Dear sir: As This bottle had
evidently strayed from your surgery
have replaced it. Give it to your
patients and it'll make your fortune.
In a mistaken moment 1 drank a
tablespoonful. 1 am now going to ar
range with an undertaken.
Douglas Jerrold used to tell the story
of a friend Of his. lawyer, who came
down one morning to find his house
stripped of everything that was valua-
bic and portable. To add insult to in
jury, the burglar had left this farewell
message behind him:
A lawyers thief, so some folks say,
But, oh. how wronged is he!
He steals his clients purse. tits true,
But hands it on to me.
But all messages are not addressed
by any means to the master of the
house. for certain lady, known to the
writer, not long ago received this hint
from a gentleman Of the jimmy:
Dear Madam-I hope next time
honor you with a visit you will try to
persuade the old gentleman not to
snore so loudly. find his vocal eff
forts very disturbing in the practice Of
my profession.
There are even burglars with CLASH
cal tastes, astonishing as the state