Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1904-09-16

SH
Cenductor-I got your fare before,
sir. Passenger know. This nickel
Is for the company.-Judge.
"I'm getting old" Having rheu-
matismr' Worse than that. I'm hav-
Ing "reminiscences" ."-Cincinnau Trib-
une:
$50 she has started on a life jour
ney into matrimony, has sheT "Well,
l guess it is only an excursion trip
Brooklyn Life.
Bursley-He claims to be related to
you, and says he can prove it. Ffloyd
The mans a fool. Bursley-That
may be q mere coincidence.-Smart
Set.
Wife-Good gracious! Do you hear
that sound from the kitchen? More
dishes broken, I'll warrant! Husband
Never mind, dear, it has stopped the
cooks singing.
Affected Youth Ito man ringing fog
bell at ferry landing)-Aw-my man,
why is this bell ringing? Man-Can't
you see. you idiot, it's because I'm
pullfn' the rope?
Mrs. Haggard-Do you know, myself
and my daughter are often mistaken
for sisters. Mrs. Gay-Ah. the dear
girl must be studying too hard, don't
you think Puck.
Jimmy-Ma, did y buy George a
birthday present? Ma-Yes. Jimmy
Ma, what did y buy t. pacify me
cause faint my Observation-Disclosures
Commercial Tribune.
Dingdong- you try that cigar
gave you yesterday? Biffbang-
but it didn't deserve a trial. Ding
dong-Why, what do you mean? Bin-
bang-It should have been lynched.
Mrs. Kenway-You used to say that
was the apple Of your eye. Mr.. Ken
way-Well, what Of it? Mrs. Kenway
Nothing, except that you don't seem
to care as much for fruit as you once
did.
George Ethel, dear, I'm going to in
terview your father tonight. Ethel
All right, George. And If anything
happens I'll come to the hospital twice
a day until you are able to be out
again.-Chicago News.
II punish you, Browning, because l
love you. But you. are too young to
understand what a mothers love is"
"Is it two soles with but a single
thought; two hands that beat as one?
Life.
Mistress (who is going out for the
day)-And, Mary, you may invite
friend to come in to tea, if you like
Mary-Please, IN, 1 haven't got any
friends. I only know young women!-
Punch.
Harold anticipating thingca - I
wasn't at school yesterday, Miss
Bangs. His Teacher (severely)-No;
you were not. Harold (decisively)-
Miss Bangs, I've got to turn over a
new leaf or get into trouble.
Hettie-Now that you have broken
your engagement with Fred, shall you
return to him the diamond ring he
gave you? Minna-Certainly not, Het-
tie; it would be a constant reminder
Of the happiness he had missed.
Customer Ito chemists assistant)-
In a business like this l presume you
have gained some practical experience
of therapeutics? Chemists Assistant
Indeed, yes, sir. 1 had 'em when l
WAS ten years old. Broke out all over
me.
A Chance to Get Event. wish,"
said the expressman to the lawyer,
"that you would send in your bill for
legal advice" "I am waiting" replied
the lawyer, until 1 get your bill for
nv Nav moving. I'd rather have the
last chance. ."-Ex.
Actress (angrily)-Did you write
that criticism which said my imper-
sonation of "The Abandoned Wife,
was miserable failure? Critic
Ye-y-e-s; you see, you looked so ire
sistibly beautiful that it was impossi-
Bile to fancy that any man could aban-
don you!
First Stockholder-I don't see why
people should be allowed to carry pack
ages on the elevated roads. Second
Stockholder-Why shouldn't they ?
First Stockholder-Well if it were not
for the packages we could crowd a
few more people into each car.-Town
and Country.
HOW DOGS ARE TRANSPORTED