The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1904-01-10
By John
Kendrick Bangs

b.a,sa tho interior of his mouth feels like a bar
gain day the fur counter OF n department store
spending his afternoon sitting in the widow Of the
Hunky Dory club. Ogling the passersby and making.
bets such important questions as whether more
hansoms pass up the avenue than down, or Whethef
proportion of red-haired girls TO white horses IS
as great between and 4 D. m as between and 8 =
Il don't see how woman could stand man IKE
that" said Mrs Pedagog. Indeed. don't see where
his ideal qualities in, anyhow, Mr.. Idiot
think you wrong in putting him among the 4oeaI
Husbands for Mrs Van Narlck
mo I am wrong, for he Is indeed the very
essence of her ideal because he doesn't make her
sand him said the Idiot He never bothers Mrs.
ivan Varok at all. On the 1st Of every month he
sends cheque for a good round amount Win
which pay her bills he presents her WIN
a town house and a country house. and oTousAaIn'
and all the furs possibly want, provides her
with an opera and never fails when ne hlltseiL
goes to the opera call upon her and pay his re-
speets like gentleman II she susIds nSdty osoC2
at bridge. he makes them good, and when she gives
a dinner her set or to some distinguished socldt
lion from other ZOOS, Van Narlck IS always on manu-
10 do the honors his house, and what IS supposed
tn be his table He and Mrs Van Varick are on the
most excellent terms; in fact he treats her with more
resDect that he does any other woman he knows
never even suggesting the idea of Irritation with her
In other words ne does interfere with her in any
1yav which is the only kind Of man IN the world
she could be happy with
ITS perfectly awful" cried Mrs Pedagog. II
they never see each other what on eartn ala Ihey
ever get married for?"
sulendid in its Mrs. Van Varick being mar
RED to so oonsderate absentee, Is able 70 90
about very much she pleGses, hacked with tne
influence and a1uence of the Van Narick name ms
as plain little Miss Floyd Posthelwsite she was un-
able tn do She has now assured position ana -
protected against the chance Of marrying man "ho'
mike Van varcB would growl at her expenditures,
object to her friends and insist upon coming nome
to dinner every night. and occasionally turn up a'
breakfast"
Z sweet life" said the BibHomanac And what
does the WilIeboy husband get out Of it?'
Pride protection and freedom" said the idiot.
Hes as proud as Punch when he sees Mrs. Van Y.
swelling about town with her name kept as standing
matter in every society column III the country. His
freedom he enjoys just as she enjoys hers. If he
doesn't turn up for six weeks She never asks any
questions and SO Van Varick live easy terms
with the truth II he sits up all night over game
of cards there's nobody to chde him for doing So
and
but where does his protection come in2 That's
what T cant see" said the Bibliofuaniac
Its as plain as "a pke-staff." said the Idiot With
Mrs. Van Varick the tapis Tomme is safe from
designing ladies who might marry him for his
mone-'
We'll he's mighty poor ideal" cried Mr. Peda-
cog
tIIe certainly would not do for Mrs Pedagoe'
said the Idiot But you would yourself be no better
Mrs Van Varick. The Indian makes an Ideal
Husband for the squaw but he'd never suit daugIl-
of the British nobility any than the Duke
of Iackl5nds would make q good husband for dusky
little Mnnehahs. So ] say whats the of discuss
ing the any further with the purpose Of arbi
trariy settling on what it is that constitutes Ideal
Husband? We may an hope TO he considered such
if only ind the girl that likes our particular
kind"
Then said Mr.. Brief with smile your advice
is not to despair. Ell"
That's it," said the Idiot I wouldn't give up If
/ you. There's telling when someone viii
come along to whom you appear to be the perfect
creature"
Coed cried Mr. Brief ''You are mighty kind.
don't suppose you can give me hint to how
soon may expect to meet the laGy2.
sWe-no. [ can't said the Idiot Il don't be-
Heve even Edison could tell you about when to look
/ for arrivals from Mars"
Copyright 1893. BY John Russell Davidson