davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Meeker herald., 1904-07-09
ENJOYED The FIGHT.
"Polly's" Comment on an Engage
ment between wild Cats In
Close Quarters.

The two wildcats in box in bag-
sage-rocm at the Union depot had
giarcd at each other for couple CT
hours before the trouble began, says
the Denver Republican. All the
afternoon they had growled. and the
supPoaiticn is that they had said
things TO each other that were rot
complimentary. The larger OF the
two had spilled the water hrlsarirk
10 the smaller .nc. lie has, sw, t1hef
his tai! iE:o The G:h>y's Ease. mi in
various "ars had siyen the yo'::.:r
ater to Understand tina. there va,
apt to be trouble. Toward evening
the two sal in opposite corners and
glared ct cash other. Tie iar4.rr an
imal abau: oirht o'clock thoueht it
was abor: tirie to make the interior
OF the En,- interesting to one of the
occupant. lie WIS successful.
No so,rer had the big cat attacked
the smaller one than the later was
ready for business. There was n
mass of TANGLED far inside the box,
the SIDES of Which prcancd with the
struggle. Growls and flying fur came
out from between the cracks, and
those w"o were looking on couli not
tell W., LAS the winner. Several
of the lag: arcmen caught up sticks
and through the Sits in the box sue
ceedcd finally in Foking the LcaSts
into submission. AS the two Wild
cats covered down III opposite cor
ners So;:th African parrot swing
ing In ca7c near by called out:
"Let 'em fight! It's n peach!"
The Meeker herald., 1904-07-09

she-Did you ever face the leaden
bullets?
He-Well. I've faced my wife's brand
OF tea biscuits, which is just about the
same thing.-Yonkers Statesman.
'.OnLS One OF tine hNind."
"There goes truly remarkable
man. commented the nntive. IL
think he is the only one of the kind;
the model was lost"
''In what way is he remarkable ~
asked the stranger.
"Wly, he is go years old, has been
in public life and more or less prom
inent before the people for something
like 60 years. and never yet has been
referred to as the grand old man."
Chicago Pest. "
The Meeker herald., 1904-07-09
srEAxBoAr IN THE WOODS.
Ikansas NAME story of Captain who
:, Cat Through the TinbeP Oar.
inG o June Rise.

Ibid you ever notice?" asked an
observing man, according to the Chi
cago Tribune, "that when an unusual
event occurs anywhere there is al
ways somebody who is reminded of
of the day? i met q Kansas man to-
day, who, after he had talked about
the great calamity in Texas, told me
that 1t was nearly as bad as one Of
tbs June rises of the Missouri river
Then he went on to tell me some
of the experiences which Kansas and
Missouri farmers had in consequence
of great ovcrflows that often changed
the boundary lines of counties, and
two states. In one case Kansas
town by reason of the shift OF the
channel of the river found itself In
Missouri. But his capshenf story was
that of m old stenmbontmnn who,
during one of the rises of which he
spoke, cut across n field in Kansas
with his boat. hoping thereby tc
make time. The water was high and
swift in the forests, and the steam
boatman took the wheel and steered
his craft right through the woods
and across fields. He concluded tc
tie up to one of the big trees during
the night and resume his voyage on
the following morning. Bat lol
when the morning came the waters
had abated considerably, SO that the
steamer was stuck in the mud. The
waters continued to abnte, md by
the second night there wasn't enough
to drink. The river gradually re-
sumed its old channel. according to
the Kansas man, and the boat was
finally left there, right in the woods.
The boat was dismantled of most of
its furnishings, but there were the
outlines Of n boat just the same. A
farmer lived in the craft one winter,
and in the following spring the boat
became the abode of crows and other
things. The moss gathered about
the hull, the smokestacks rusted
away, and at last there was crash
in the stiffness of the forest, and the
only dry land steamboat In Kansas,
or anywhere, fell to pieces"
The Meeker herald., 1904-07-09
sMUGGLERs' TRICKS.
New Pier Rule of Custom House
Puts Them to Their Wits End.
ssAAe of the Latest DoAges Tried By
Seheaers t. Cheat the 0evern-
nsnt Oat Of Duties-Sharp-
ness Of the O0cials.

The new rule excluding the friends
of passengers from those parts of
steamship piers which are required
for the examination of baggage il
defended by the custom house in
spectors as lesscning the opportunity
for smuggling, and in connection
with this many good stories are told
of ingenious attempts to rob Uncle
Sam of his duties, says the New York
Mail md Express.
Among others the case is cited Of
Albert T.. Emanuel, who. on August
l of last year. was met at the North
German Lloyd pier by a woman rep
resenting herself to be his wife.
While his baggage was beiNy exam
ined Inspector Timothy Donohue saw
him put bracelet on the woman's
wrist. Donohue demonstrated and
the two were detained. II was hot
day. and Emanuel hnd his handker-
chief in his hand. He said to the
woman: you're perspiring. Hero,
wipe your face!" at the same time
handing her his handkerchief. II the
couple had not been under surveil-
lance 1t is probable that the action
would have excited no suspicion, as it
was done quite naturally. Donohuc.
however, was watching them. and he
reached out and snatchcd the hand
kerchicf, remarking: I'm rather
warm myself" Pinned to corner of
the handkerchief was diamond
brooch valued at about $1,000. The
ed. He had declared that he had
brought in only q lot of stationery,
on which he paid 1910 duty.
Down at the barge Office they tell
of smuggler who was met upon his
arrival last summer by n crowd of l3
relatives, who formed a solid wall
around him and his baggage. While
the inspectors were busy elsewhere
he passed around the circle of his
kindred everything of value which
the trunks contained. They hid the
laces under their conts and put ON
the jewelry.
1t was not many months ago that a
wealthy Detroit clothing merchant,
while waiting for his baggage to be
examined. was detected passing n val
liable diamond ring to woman who
had met him at the pier. II was the
only thing he WINS trying to smuggle.
and he had purchased it for the wom-
IN, but 1t was q fragrant attempt to
defraud the government. and the
merchant had to pay fine, besides
losing the ring.
A few years ago passenger was
met most cfYusively by his brother-in-
law, who clasped him in his arms and
kissed him. After greetings Ind been
exchanged and inquiries made rcgnrd-
ing the health of the various MEM
bers of the family. the brotllcr-in-law
started to leave the pier. This cx-
cited the suspicion of an inspector.
who asked in surprise why he must
go so soon.
81 have another engagement" said
the man. nervously. 81 cannot wait
for the trunks to be examined"
He was compelled to wait. A
search of his pockets brought to
light n pair of diamond earrings val
ued at $3.50.
The Meeker herald., 1904-07-09

He-I have been in the next room
asking your father for your hand In
marriage.
She-What was the rcsult2
''Did you hear any noise while 1
was in therc?"
"Grncious! l should think sol"
SWELL, l suppose you've heard that
silence gives CONSENT" Yonkcrs
Statesman
The Meeker herald., 1904-07-09
REJECTED TwENTY-oNR TINES
Aanassript of ~Helen's Basiss~ Ne
esivsA VERY Poor Treatment Be-
fore Final Acceptance.

The manuscripts Of various sue.
cessful books have been declined ~
publishers before finally reaching q
resting place; but when one consid-
ers the natural fallibility of judg-
ment regarding the matter of popu-
lar taste and liking. 1t is really not
extraordinary that new writers
should quite often make a success in
one publishers hands even although
Others have hesitated to make the
venture.
short time ago young author
whose book had just been accepted
was talking to his publisher, and Mr..
John Habberton, the genial author
of "Hellen's Babies." happened TO be
present. says the Literary Era. The
publisher finally turned to the young
writer, saying: "Your book has one
great element of weakness. which,
however, I hope may not be fatal"
"What is that?" replied the startled
youth, with almost gasp of conster-
ration.
"Well, 1t has been rejected by
enough publishers; it takes at least
four or FIVE reflections to make . phe-
nomenally successful book"
The puzzled look Of dismay on the
young mans face gsvs way 70 q
smile as his critic turned to the vet
eran author at his side and asked:
.Wasn't that the cate with 'Helen's
BabiesT"
Mr.. Habberton. with the courtly
bow which his friends know 30 we'll.
and which II only one of his many
charms. promptly responded: ut ives
rejected 81 timesl"
The Meeker herald., 1904-07-09
Aax IA HAIRY

Here IL q word worth committing to
memory, TO be uttered severely when
You want to terrify ore younger than
yourself into submissions: "Suelpaar-
delooxzonderspoorwegpetroolryting."
The meaning does not matter very
much, the sound being everything. but
II may be as well to know that it is
Dutch for "the observation-disclosures
Observation-Disclosures petroleum car
riage or motor car"
The Meeker herald., 1904-07-09

II love to hear you talk. my dear"
said Mr.. Dickers to his wife, when she
paused to take breath ut the end of
the second column of curtain lee
ture, but your volubility is really q
reflection ON my wisdom"
"How SOP"
"Because word to the wise is suf-
fcient."--Leslie's Weekly.
The Meeker herald., 1904-07-09
SPOILED THE FILTRATION.
re Pe.y was q nassr and Kept
Oat In Frsnt to His Riders

A gentleman who 10 member of
the Meadow Brook Hunt club and de-
lights In horseback riding received .
few days ago a wiry -"cayuse," or
cow-pony. as they are called In tho
speed and nm easy gait, and after rid
ing II around the country roads q
few days he rode It one evening, with
. party of ladies md gentlemen who
were out for moonlight canter.
The party split up into couples.
and. while the gentleman in question
would much prefer to have taken the
rear OF the line with the lady whose
escort he was, yet the pony devel-
oped nm unexpected ambition to lead
the procession, according to the New
York Mail and Express. He let the
"cayuse" have its own way. only to
and that the headstrong animal in
sisted on being ut least one-half .
length in front Of the horse ridden by
the lady.
There was no holding that pony
back on even terms with the other
horse. 1t pranced about, jumped from
side TO side and pulled the bit and
would be quiet only when it had its
nose we'll to the front. The lady en-
joyed It immensely. but the gentle
maxwell. he left unsaid many things
which he had planned to say to the
young lady when they started on the
ride. subsequently the gentleman
found the pony had been used for
racing in the west and had been
trained TO go TO the front and stay
khera
The Meeker herald., 1904-07-09

"You are sure you can support
my daughter in the style to which she
has been accustomed?" asked the
Heavy Father.
"Sure, Nike" answered Our Hero,
with the assurance of youth.
"Well, I'm glad to hear 1t. It's more
than l can afford any longer."-1n-
dtanapolis Press.
The Meeker herald., 1904-07-09
blessed sleep.

How bless'd the priceless boon Of sleep.
From care rest benign and deep:
When nature lu.ls to sweet rspose
And cures each i'll that mortal knows.
Sleep. priceless twel that the eye
OF poor may wear, though ncnc can buy!
But OFT. alas. man wakes TO lind
His wife has learned his inner mind.
For secrets he pref FRED to keep
Escaped while talking In his sleep.
philadelphia Bulletin.
The Meeker herald., 1904-07-09

Pennsylvania possesses the biggest
bass horn in the world. It 10 In the
town Of Williamsport. Frank Byers,
Of that town, IL the only man who
can blow II. The horn 10 over SIX
feet tall and its great bell IL more
than thrse feet In width. Not one
musician in . hundred can produce
any tone upon It, much less extract
music from its cavernous depths. BY
ers was formerly tailor. With the
great horn he can execute the most
difscult composition with all the 10
cility of o man playing a cornet
The Meeker herald., 1904-07-09

The reeson given for the substitu-
ton Of the drum for the trumpet in
the Italian army il that ia these
days of short service . young soldier
learns to march to the drum far
sooner than to the trumpet. Again,
It IL found that trumpeters are very
subject to pulmonary affections.
The Meeker herald., 1904-07-09

First Neighbor-Well. my daughter
doesn't play the piano any worse than
your son writes poetry.
Second Ditto-Perhaps not, but it
can be heard ever so much farther
Detroit Free Press.
The Meeker herald., 1904-07-09

Casey-An' so yer ovid father doied
lasht noight? Wor his dith unex-
pected?
Clancy-No, indade: but we didn't
Expect he'd dole far Mt lnste tin or fif-
tame years yit.-Town Topics.
The Meeker herald., 1904-07-09

Patient-Doctor, would you mind
stopping at the drug store and paying
for this prescription. I'm short Of
cha nge.
Doctor (hurriedly writing another
prescription)-Exc me. i made 4
mistake. You don't need any nerve
medicine.-Chicago Chronicle.
The Meeker herald., 1904-07-09

Bridegroom-I'm afraid we shall
look so happy and coDtented that ev-
eryone will know we are just married
Best Man (consolin2ly)-Don' wor-
~, old chap; il will only be for a day
or two, you know.-Tit-Bits.
The Meeker herald., 1904-07-09

"What is your idea of a reformer?"
SWELL" Farmer Corntosse!,
sfrom my limited observation. should
say a reformer is a man who is willing
to promise NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS.
Star.
The Meeker herald., 1904-07-09

"You know" said his friend. shat
genius has been defined as an infinite
capacity for taking palms"
"Hm!" said the lazy man. That
rather reconciles me to the fact that
I'm not genius!"-Puck.
The Meeker herald., 1904-07-09

Mrs. ChattcrtOn-I should like to
go shopping this afternoon.
ChattrrtOn-Eut. honest, my dear,
r haven't got dollar in my pocket!
Mrs. Chattertcn Cight!y) = Oh!
Well. then, you might give me %
cCntS-puck
The Meeker herald., 1904-07-09

.Do You believe the worlds feder-
alton of clubs can be achieved?-
"Oh, yes. know woman; she'll
keep on decorating until there is moth
ing else left to federate
Free Press.
The Meeker herald., 1904-07-09

There arc altogether in Yucatan
seven cities. 10 towns, GO ruined
titles. ii3 villages. Is abandoned set
lc,nem.s and 333 kaciendas. Scarcely
ny of these places has as many as
0.OCo inhabitants. the population of
he great majority falling below 1000
The Meeker herald., 1904-07-09

Scarce has the frisij winter left me.
with the coal b.il yet to pay,
Ere ! hear the .o.6,d query:
''Leddy. emmy Ice tday?"
Ohio STATE Journal!
The Meeker herald., 1904-07-09
Pretty safc Guess.

Dill-While in New York wanted
policeman. ard looked in every direc-
ton. but could not see one. AS ! was
leaving, one suddenly appeared behind
me. Where do you suppose he came
from?
Crimsonbeak-why. 1 guess it's o
safe bet that he came from Ireland
Yonkers Statesman.
The Meeker herald., 1904-07-09

Attendant-The lion tanner has
been injured and cannot perform to-
night.
Museum Manager-What happened
to him?
Attendant-He tried to discharge his
COOK this morning.-I,altimorc Amer
lean.
The Meeker herald., 1904-07-09

Mrs. POlkadOt-She Is line nurse,
.sn't she?
Mrs. Pahducah-1,'eal! Why, l can
go for days without even seeing the
children.-l,rooklyn Life.
The Meeker herald., 1904-07-09

The Rector-He Is the most thor
oughly informed man l know, upon
all imaginable topics.
Miss Brownie wonder. He gets
shaved every day at the barber shop.
Harlem Life.
The Meeker herald., 1904-07-09
A Lack Of Harmony.

Mems interests chow a difference wide,
BY some eccentric trick.
II half the world IL satished
The other half must kick.
-Washington Star.
The Meeker herald., 1904-07-09
Poor Fellow,

. Hewitt don't understand what
.Gruet can see In the girl he Is to
marry.
Jewett-Love Is blind. you know.
Hewitt--Well, love will have to be
deaf and dumb. too, II he gets along
with her.-Brooklyn Life.
The Lafayette advertiser. [volume] (Vermilionville [i.e. Lafayette], La.) 1865-19??, 1904-09-21

When Meredith p. Gentry was de.
fsated for the governorship Of Ten
nessee BY Andrew johnson. afterward
president. he was much chagrined.
principally. he said. because he had
been run over BY that great calf" as
he CONTEMPORARY designated John
BON. Gentry's melancholy over the re.
suit Of the election increased 40 time
passed and he went into . decline.
So some Of his friends visited him
in order to cheer him up and. as was
tho custom in those days. emptied
several demijohns of whisky during
tho evening. It vas very late before
they thought Of retiring and then Gen.
try announced that. ~ there was q
clergyman present (Parson Brown.
low). he would request him to otter up
. prayer before the company went tc
bed. Brother Brownlow. whose spe.
cialty was exhortation, began to pray.
He included everything IN his petit.
ton and 1T last said: and o Lord. II
In thy innnite mercy It b possible.
have mercy also upon Andrew John.
son." Gentry vas on his feet in an
instant. stop. Nj. Brownlow, stop!"
he exclaimed. You will exhaust the
fount Of infinite mercy"
The Lafayette advertiser. [volume] (Vermilionville [i.e. Lafayette], La.) 1865-19??, 1904-09-21

One Of the largest and most noticeable
business signs seen anywhere Is that OF the
+ NATIONAL Casket Co. ON their mammoth new
ta,tery Of Nashville, Tenn. made on . wire
With alCmiaum letters six feet high
and ms hundred feet long, which . be
read from . long distance by day, inl
v! en- reproduced In Is trio lights. . Oe
reau even further ct night. This Is the o n
eern that II called ON Q furnish Caskets for
the most prominent people everywhere, ia
GLIDING among its recent orders, Caskets
for Presidents William Mckinley, BENJAMIN
Harrison and the late lamented Gen. John
b. Gordon, and yet whose goods can be had
through the smallest undertaken In every
town. From the fIct that hoy are called
on to furnish Cas- K ITS for tie best citizens
everywhere. there must be some merit in
their claim t,at their goods ara the best,
and the eeu;h should 30 proud to have q
branch Of sueA . high class establishment
within her borders.
The Lafayette advertiser. [volume] (Vermilionville [i.e. Lafayette], La.) 1865-19??, 1904-09-21
Then We Was. Good.

A CONGRESSMAN Of Missouri relates
that he was making . campaign
speech last lall. when he was IN.
noyed BY the frequent Interruptions
Of . countryman. who seemed bent ON
making trouble.
my friend" said the speaker, d.
termining to suppress the dlsturber.
haven't you heard the story Of how
q braying ass put to flight the entire
Syrian army"
Dent you be afraid CT this audi
ence," shouted back the disturber Of
tho meeting; there amt no danger
OF it stampeding. You've done tested
TITO .e-
The Lafayette advertiser. [volume] (Vermilionville [i.e. Lafayette], La.) 1865-19??, 1904-09-21

Henry r.. Ednuds. president Of the
Philadelphia board Of education. says
half the public school pupils Of that
:lty are suffering from ills brought
On BY overstuay. The principal evils
resulting. he says. are nervous aztec.
lions and defective eyesight. both
Argeiy traceable to excessive home
study and the crowding Of too many
branches into the elementary grades.
dc champions the abolition OF after.
o o classes and the wiping out Of all
home study.
The Lafayette advertiser. [volume] (Vermilionville [i.e. Lafayette], La.) 1865-19??, 1904-09-21

and sometimes was unable even to ride
In q car. Ny condition was critical
when I sent for Doan's Kidney PulA.
I used three boxes and they cured me.
Now I can 60 anywhere and do ~
much ~ anybody. I sleep we'll aad
feel no discomfort at all"
A TRIAL FREE-Address Foster
Mllburn Co.. Buffalo. N. 7. For sale
b. ill dealefa Price. so cts.
The Lafayette advertiser. [volume] (Vermilionville [i.e. Lafayette], La.) 1865-19??, 1904-09-21

0ashsul Contractor Not Fitted for
Public Speaking Gives Odd Excuse.
Elmer e. Johnston. executive com,
missioner 6 the Washington Worlds
eair exhibit 10 attraeting q great deal
e favorable attention in st. Louis.
kseeHtly Mr.. Johnstoa gave the st.
Louis DocDle some strong advice
A0etDst extortioa. and the other day
b ta11 . reporter . little story.
~0eeing al these buildings up" he
I'D. reminds me- Ct . hospital dedi-
cation that I attended last October.
We had the builder Of the hospital
there and We called On him 70 make
. speech. He was . big. ruddy chap.
tinid and embarrassed. He got up.
bowed awkwardly and began:
ladies and gentlemen. I guess ]
am better fitted for the scaf3old thar
tor public speaking"
The Lafayette advertiser. [volume] (Vermilionville [i.e. Lafayette], La.) 1865-19??, 1904-09-21

A tipping bucket attachment has
been added to the rain gauge of the
weather bureau on top Of the Custom
House ct st. Louis. It accurately
tells Of the amount Of precipitation.
The rain 10 drained into . double
bucket. 10 poised that 1t tips on re
ceivtne . certain amount Of water.
Every movement Of this kind II rec!
isterod by IN electrical connection.
The Lafayette advertiser. [volume] (Vermilionville [i.e. Lafayette], La.) 1865-19??, 1904-09-21
At MATHIS

Pretty Miss Piety
Sat in her pew,
Clothed in sobriety-
Sable the hues
Eyelids half sleeping,
Head held askance,
Eyes barely peeping-
Ripe for . glance.
What's the priest saying!
How can she tell:
Il she not praying
Fervently wen!
Do her Thoughts wander!
Libel her not;
See! she doth ponder
Her polySlot.
Ended the service
Tiers to st. Anne;
Ardent her verve isl,
amen! and. man."
The Lafayette advertiser. [volume] (Vermilionville [i.e. Lafayette], La.) 1865-19??, 1904-09-21

eineG to cure
my, kidneys. I
do not think
that . man
ever suffered -
did aud lived.
The pain IN my
back was 20
bad that I could
not sleep at
night could
AAh CHA = hARaA
The Lafayette advertiser. [volume] (Vermilionville [i.e. Lafayette], La.) 1865-19??, 1904-09-21

Hay 1hls 0an's 0u0asa1gs Woua0 2evo
Xltoa May . Person. D04 Ooaa's
CuRQ0 A1m.
4. G. Spsagus. stock dealer, Of Noe.
mai, III. writes: "Foe two whole years
! was delnE uothing but buying medi.
The Lafayette advertiser. [volume] (Vermilionville [i.e. Lafayette], La.) 1865-19??, 1904-09-21

Criminals Kept In Suspense.
In France, when . convict II sen
fenced to death BY the guillotlne. the
day Of his execution II not named in
his presence; and he knows net when
he Il 70 bs led forth until within At.
tooak minutes Of the fatal moment