Condon globe. (Condon, Gilliam Co., Or.) 189?-1919, 1904-04-21

the gas Is escaping In there. Country
man Inside Of room 60l--No, II amt
locked the door.-Ex.
Mother--Johnny Jones. did you set
that awful cold out skatingl Son
Mother, l think l caught II washing
my face yesterday mornlng,--Judge,
, Chumply-I don't know whether ]
ought to take your daughter from her
fathers roof Her Father-she doesn't
live on the roof.--Philadelphia Bulle'
tin.
~ say, Broomr' "Call me by my
whole name. II you please. 1t has q
handle to II, and It was meant to be
used. SIR" THAT'S so. Well. Broom.
handle. how are your
Curioso-Your name is Ephralm, ia
itS How'd your parents come to give
you that namel Modestus--T don't
know for certain, but suspect II was
because l was a boy.-Boston Tran.
script.
"women claim that the way to gel
on with a man Is to give him plenty
OF nicely cooked food" "well." an
swered Sirius Barker, irritably. ''why
don't some Of them try itr--washing'
ton Star.
A Great Debt; Bragg-I owe moth
ing to any man., Newitt-oh, yes, you
do. Bragg-No. siri Newitt-oh, yes,
You owe an apology to every man who
has to listen to you blow.-Philadel'
phia Press.
Improvement at the Gas once: "Dld
you have any luck when you went tc
complain about the gas billf" "Better
luck than last month";" answered Mr.,
Meekton; "the man didn't laugh this
ttme."-Ex.
Magistrate (sternlyl-Dldn't I tell
you the last time you were here nov
er wanted you to come before me
again7 Prisoner-Yes, sir. but
couldn't make the policeman believe
! it.-New Yorker.
Funny about Ralston wanting his
former wife to get a divorce from her
second husband so that they might gel
married again" "Not very. He's al
ways been falling in love with other
mems wlves."-Ex.
Daily Guide to Flattery: II there Ii
something on the table that the
hostess knows IL so badly cooked that
she feels bored about II, ask for more
and eat 1t with the greatest apparent
relish.-Baitimor American.
Have you any taste for Thacke'
rayl" asked Mrs. oldcastle. ''No.
can't cay that l have" replied hel
hostess; '1s that anything like this
paprika they're putin in everything
now w7"-Chicago Record Herald.
What he Would Rather Have Ex-
pressed Differently: Gushing Lady
oh, but Mr.. Jones. l should love to be
beautiful-even II for only half an
hourl Jones-Yes; but you wouldn't
like the coming back again!-Punch
Conductor-All aboard! Please get
aboard quickly. Miss; the train IL
about to start. Young Lady-But I
wish to kiss my sister good-by. Con.
ductor-Get aboard, get aboard; I'll
attend to that for you.-Yale Record
"Coal vasesT said, the hardware
merchant. "Yes, SIR" Something
nicely japannedT mo, sir" said the
customer, man with fierce mustache
and foreign accent; haven't you
something in Russia ironT'-Chicago
, Tribune.
How to Hold Actors: "It always
makes me mad to talk to an actor. He
pretends to listen politely. but his at
tention is wandering all the time. Ever
notice it7" "No. always talk to
them about themselves. ."-Philadel
phia Ledger.
Owner Of Flshpond Ito man who ID
trespassing)-Don't you see that sign,
mo fishing here7 Angler-Yes, and
dispute 1t. Why. there's good fish
ing here. Look at this basketful. The
man. must have been mad who put
that board up.
"It was only FIVE years ago that /
started in with our firm at FIVE dollars
q week." said Bragg, "and now earn
fifty a week without any trouble"
That's 80; it's easy to earn that" re-
piled hewitt, "but how much do you
get ?''-Philadelphia Press.
Ida don't believe Mr.. Smart be-
lieves my handkerchiefs are linen.
May-Why not? Ida--I told him
had my pin money wrapped In my
handkerchief and lost 1t. He said
there was a great deal of money lost
in cotton these days.-Chicago News.
Tommy-To-morrow' your birthday
amt 1t, mar l wtsht had dollar
ia buy you q present. Ma-That'l
thoughtful Of you, my dear. But why
DO you need a dollar2 Tommy-'CausS
that's the price of 1t. It's the dandi
est catcher's mask you ever saw
Philadelphia Press.
Fond Mother-I don't know what to
do. 1 want to send my daughter to
college, and yet l don't want to send
her into the world unprotected. Wise
visitor, who has observed the daugh-
ter's disposition-You mean that II
would be unkind to send her out into
the unprotected worldl
Never say again that a newspaper
writer is not master Of diplomacy.
One of the fraternity was to write up
the history Of an old lady of 9s. he
was told she had never so much az