davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-10-15
Making Men Sober.

Much is said about the impossibility
of making men sober by law, and of the
Improperly of attempting it. This kind
of argument is supposed to have much
force. But we submit that it is exact
ly the wrong way of putting this case.
1t is not a question of making men
sober by law but of max ing them drunk
ards by law; and that is very differ
ent proposition. Men are sober, they
are born sober; except those who in
herit a taste for strong drink from
drunken parents, they all incline to
temperance. 1t taFes the tempter and
the dramshop to make them drunkards.
Without the dramshop there would be
few drunkards. Ii is the drnukard
maker. When it is established by law
then it is the making of people drunk
ards by law that is to be considered and
not the making of men sober by law
Pittsburg Christian Advocate.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-10-15
CIGARETTES BANNED.
Account of the Anti-Smoking Cru
SADIE Among Young Sailors
of the British Navy.

With a desire to avoid, as far as
possible, i'll effects on the health of
young sailors by the excessive use OF
cheap cigare ties, the lords of the ad-
miralty long ago Gecreed that the Gig
arctic should be barred on all train
ing ships, and to carry this order out
properly each lad on returning to the
ship after the half-Gay's leave which
is granted on Sundays and Thursdays.
is searched at the gangway.
Some seven years ago, when Capt
Cecil Burney (now in command of the
battleship Empress of India was in
command of the Boscawen, the senior
training ship at Portland, he had oc-
casion to make serious complaints of
the number of cigarettes the lads tried
to bring aboard. The boys were &C
cordingly stopped and brought before
the captain and a sentence of i
months leave, with stoppage of pocl-
ct money, was imposed. Smoking
ashore, however, went on as usual I'M
til at last Capt Burney, placed the
shops of the district out of bounds
The shopkeepers were Immediately up
in arms, agitating for a repeal of what
they considered 4 harsh rule. They
agitated fruitlessly for years, during
which time Capt Burney had gone and
Capt Terrain had also come and gone
Then, about year ago, Capt. Tuffnell
took over the command, and as a re-
suit OF the appeals he decided to put
the shops in bounds once more A
strict proviso was made, however,
that no cigarettes or tobacco should
be supplied to the boys.
This proviso was not observed. and
again Portland was declared out of
bounds, says the London Daily Mail
More agitation on the part of the
shopkeepers followed, eliminating on
Thursday last in an interview between
the captain and the clerk of the local
council the result of which was that
the shops. except public houses, and
those shops which have tobacco Ii
censes were once more placed in
bounds, but it was distinctly laid down
chat another infraction OF the rule
wC'.id ndean the departu OF tho
whole OF The train ng ships, which
hold 5000 boys, from Portland
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-10-15

for girl, or worse. for he had more
strength TO run away, and that it was
disgrace TO him to talk or listen 20
any stuff that he would be ashamed TO
have Tirzah Ann or me to hear. [
have brought him up to think that
maniiness didn't consist in having a
cigar in his mouth, and his hat ON one
slsFe, and swearing, and slang phrases,
and knowledge of questionable
amusementS, but in layin' holt of
every duty that comes to him, with a
brave heart and cheerful face; in
helpin' to right the wrong, and pro-
tect the weak. and maxim the most
and the best of the mind and the soul
God has given him. In short, have
brought him up TO think that purity
and virtue are both feminine and
masculine, and that Gods angels are
not necessarily all she ones.-Saman-
tina Allen.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-10-15

was carrying home with him one of
these bottles. 1t was in the pocket of
his raincoat Head down, he was
breasting the storm, bound for his
home port, when a woman rushed out
of the darkness toward his port side.
"She begged for his protection. Her
arms were extended, and she was com
ing at him like football player ready
to tackle. The young man was wise
He side-stepped. and thought of the
bottle just in time to use it as a burly
individual doomed to starboard a
blackjack in his hand
There was just time to hurl the bot
tie into the fellows face 1t exploded
with report that sounded like a
bomb The man, terribly cut and cry
ing from the pain of the acid in his
wounds, fed. The woman went with
him
Later man in terrible pain stag
gered into the station house. saying
dynamiter had hit him. 1t was Bill
the Brute We very much wanted
him"
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-10-15

they looked, Mortified, at something on
the floor.
The conductor, not knowing what
had happened. signaled the motorman
to stop, and when the car was brought
TO a standstill an investigation was
made. The excited women insisted
that there were snakes and small alli-
gators in the car.
The Staten Island man, who by this
time appeared much embarrassed, ex-
planned that when he boarded the car
he carried a basket of live crabs he
had caught at Shark river He placed
the basket under the seat where he
sat. and did not know that the crabs
had crawled from the basket until the
young women began to scream. The
crabs had chung to the skirts of one or
two of the women after they had
climbed on the seats of the car.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-10-15

TEMPERANCE BREvITIES

sensible prohibition speaker. an
swering the ole cry that To do away
with saloons will kill business and
begin the era of grass growing in the
streets, said; AT present prices it
would be better for the town TO raise
more hay and less hell" AS the
saloon brings something of the latter
with it wherever il is established this
remark is wise in every sense.-Pitts-
burg Christian Advocate
Mark Guy Pearse returns to Eng
land saying this about us: % never
saw woman IN any public house IN
Canada or the States. | never saw on
any table, or even in the dining cars,
or in the hotels, a glass of beer, wine
or spirits. l never saw a drunken
man until | reached an English port
was deeply impressed with the self
respecting bearing of the people
They walked with firm step, as il
they knew whose world il is. and felt
they had a share in it,"
When young Franz Vecsey the IL
year-old violinist, played before Queen
Alexandra a week or two ago, Arch
duke fTeueTlCk Oh AuSITla ASKED II
he would like some champagne, and
he said he was not allowed TO have
it. 'Of course not" said the queen.
Come with me. Franz, and | wIil
give you some oranges" and as she
, said so the wise queen handed him an
orange. We should like the boy to
know that oranges are far better than
, champagne.
One Frisnish, saloonkeeper. Bay
onne, n. j., recently sued John Ri
naldo, a customer, for the lrice of
, a broken window. The police JUS
| tice rendered the following decision;
"A saloonlIeeper is at all times in
: partnership with man who becomes
| drunk, and is partly accountable for
| the actions of a man under the IN
I fiuence of liquor. This is my view
! of the matter, and for that reason
| think it best that you divide the
. cost of the damage, and, in addition,
J pay fine of five dollars each"
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-10-15

room, walked VI 10 a man who had a
glass of whisky his hand
They say that is good for snake
bites" he said, pointing 10 the glass.
ut isn't good for much else
Il have got snake IN here con-
unued Thurston. Would you like to
take your whisky as medicine"
The great rattler coied about the
mans arm. He held its lead near his
face, and while the men looked on in
horror the serpent struck at him
Thurston caught the snske by the
neck. Then he turned To the men in
the saloon and. with bow. thrust the
reptile into his mouth. The next in
slant he fell to the floor with a scream.
and the snake. breaking away. writhed
c"ross the floor. A man killed it with
an ak as Thurston lay screaming in
agony. He was removed to the hospi-
tai, where he died.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-10-15
ONE STANDARD.
What Josiah Aliens Wife Has to Saw
Upon This Very Impor-
tant Subject.

Josiah Aliens children have been
brought up to think that sin of any
Kind is just as bad in a man as in a
woman; and any place of amusement
that was bad for a woman to go to
was bad for man.
Now, when Thomas jefferson was a
little fellow, he was bewitched to- go
TO circuses, and Josiah said:
Better let him so, Samantha; it
haint no place for wimmen or girls,
but it won't hurt a boy"
Says l: Josiah Allen. the Lord
made Thomas Jefferson with just as
pure heart as Tirzah Ann. and no
bigger eyes and ears, and if Thomas
J. goes to that circus, Tirzah Ann goes
too"
That stopped that. And then he
was bewitched TO get with other boys
That S, ed and ahswe6 tO,sa,c CO. and
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-10-15

Josiah was just of that easy turn, and
would have let him go with EN-. But
says |:
Josiah Allen, if Thomas Jefferson
goes with them boys and gets 10
chewin' and smollin' tobacco, l shall
buy Tirzah Ann a pipe"
And that stopped that.
And about drinkin'," said |:
"Thcmas Jefferson, if it should be the
will OF Providence TO change you to a
wild bear, | will chain you up and do
the best | can for you. But if you
ever do it yourself. turn yourself into
a wild beast by drinkin', | VIII run
away; for l never could stand it,
neveri And" / continued, IF l ever
see you hangn' round bar rooms and
taverns, TirZah Ann shall hang, too
Josiah argued with me. Says he:
1T doesn't look so bad for boy as
1t does for a girl"
Says l: Custom makes the differ
ence; and We are more used 10 seeing
men. But" says /. when liquor goes
to work TO make fool and brute of
anybody, ii don't stop to ask about
sex; it makes a wild beast and idiot of
man or a woman, and to look down
from heaven, | guess a man looks as
bad layin' dead drunk as woman
does
Says |, Things look differently
from up there than what they do to
us-it is a more slightly place. And
you talk about looks, Josiah Allen; ]
don't go on clear looks, / go on prin-
ciple. Will the Lord say to me in the
last day, Josiah Aliens wife, how Is
1t with the soul of Tirzah Ann, as foI
Thomas Jefferson's soul. he being q
boy, it hain't of no account?' No,
shall have to give an account to- Him
Tor my dealin's with both of these
souls, male and female And | should
feel guilty if l brought him up K
think that what was impure for
woman was pure for a man If a mar
has greater desire to do wrong
which | don't dispute" says |, Iookins
keenly onto Josiah, "he has greater
strength to resist temptation. And so
says /, in mild accepts, but firm a.
old Plymouth Rock, IF Thomas JEFF
ferson hangs, Tirzah Ann shall hang
too"
/ have brought Thomas Jefferson III
to think that it was inst as bad fo
him to- listen to bod story or souo ,
= VI @'''L+s : q
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-10-15
DIED A Dealt OF HORROR
Snake Charmer TRUSTS Rather in
His Mouth and Allows Reptile
to Bite his Tongue.

Aired Thurston, 8 snake charmer
frog ana glass cate, who was out OF
work and respondent. entered the bar.
room OF the Mes York hotel al
Niagara Falls, N. ". The other day and
III slSht OF a har d-sd peraors placed
the mead OF a dia.G ind back rattle
snake in his mSl.h and allowed the
reptile to biie his tongue He died
some hours a-tsrs I'd IL great agony
Thurston, when he entered the bar
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-10-15
Church Built of One Tree

A Baptist church in Santa Rosa.
Cal, capable of seating 200 persons,
was built entirely of timber sawed out
of single redwood tree. Timbers,
weather boarding and inner sheathing
are all of wood, there being no plaster,
bricks or mortar about it. The roof
ing, too, is made of shingles sawed
from the same Tree, and after it was
all finished there were $4,000 shingles
left
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-10-15
CRABS CAUSE A STAMPEDE
Panic Among Women in a Trolley
Car When Lively Crustaceans
Leave Basket

A man who said he is Itaten island
official and ex-coumodore of a yacht
club there was the cause Thursday
evening OF mild panic on a trolley
car at Spring Lake, N. Y.
The car was crowded with women
and children. and was going iowa I'd
'Asbury Park from Spring Lake. when
several women suddenly began to
scream. They mounted the seats and
stood closely holding their skirts as
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-10-15
re was long in the island my health

fore | was long in the island my health
gave out.
"'Starve YOURSELF said my physi-
clan. Eat potatoes, said he; eat pota-
toes | grew sick of potatoes. Then
chew grass said the doctor; nice
clean grass, and drink water
$50 for six months my diet has been
nothing but grass. Now | am in per-
feet physical condition. / never all,
feel strong, and warm, and fresh, and
I have forgotten what it is to have a
headache"
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-10-15
Fine Sensihilities

Why are you SO anxious to get con-
troll of the government" asked the
Moroccan bandit of his chief. Aren't
you making money enough collecting
ransoms?"
Yes. But it is so much easier and
more dignified to collect taxes. Wash
ington Star.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-10-15
A Cruel Alternative.

Downton-Here comes Binkers. He's
got new baby, and he'll talk us 10
death.
Upton-Well here comes a neighbor
of mine who has a new setter dog.
Let's introduce them to each other and
leave 'em to their fate.-N. Y. Weekly.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-10-15
He Knew.

Van X.-Fillups has an enormous
library, he told me that he always
makes it point TO add at least five
books a month. wonder how he man
ages il on his income.
De Q.-JuSt lend him one or two
and you'll find out-Detroit Free
Press.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-10-15
Interesting Possibilities

IF Homer were alive now" said the
poet, do you think people would pay
any attention to him?'
who is seriously absurd. eff Homer
were still alive and hadn't been per.
suaded TO shave, he would have had
the most remarkable whiskers on rec.
ord. '-Washington Star.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-10-15
Liehtened the Burden.

Several women at the reception asked
young Mrs. Wisely why she had dis
charged her hired girl
THE reason is plain enough" she re-
piled at is easier to do the work for
Tom and me than for Tom and the hired
girl and me- Detroit Free Press
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-10-15
Fun for All
Fun Lovers.
Then and Now.

Ere we were wed | did adore the
maiden fair on the top floor of the apart
ment house next door; called her
anger times score, but now her ac-
ions make me sore. I've troubles great
and small galore and l can't sleep be-
cause her snore sounds like a western
cyclones roar.-Cincinnati Enquirer.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-10-15
KHrURDAY -. OCTOBER Is, 1904
THE TRIPLE PLEDGE.

STRONG DRINK.
We viii not buy,
We will not make,
We viii not use.
We Will not take,
Wine, cider. beer,
Rum. whisky. gin;
Because they lead
Mankind 20 sin.
TOBACCO.
We will not smoke
The smokers pets,
Those little things
Called cigarettes.
We Will not chew,
We viii not snur,
Or was G our time
In playing puff.
PROFANITY.
we will not curse.
Though many dare
Open their lips
To curse and swear.
Our words shall be
Both pure and plain
We viii not take
Goo 5 lame in vain.
National dvocate.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-10-15
Quite.

Gracious" exclaimed Mr.. Swell
man, 1.-The baby has just eaten lot of
that dog biscuit"
Never mind" replied Mrs. Swellman !;
''it just serves Fido right, for he has
often eaten the baby's food."-Philadel-
phia Ledger.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-10-15
No Cause for Alarm.

Williams" exclaimed Mrs. Urmore,
pale with fright, what has become of
the silver? Were burglars in the
house last night?''
No, m'm,' replied the butler 1.-The
young Teddy guests carried them away
larst evenin' as sOov' Mrs, -
Chicago Tribune
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-10-15
Had a Smart Hushand

Daughter-Did you find out what it
was that papa cut out of the paper?
Mother-Yes, | bought another copy.
I've read it all through, but l can't see
anything wrong about it. It's an ar
tcle on the healthfulness 81 hOassSOrk.
IN. Y. Weekly.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-10-15
Overheard st Newport.

Il thought Laura and Jack were going
to get married.
They were, but at the last moment
they changed their minds"
TOO bad, Such sensible couple as
that would certainly get along all right
together. Judge.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-10-15
Modern Demands.

do you believe in the barrel in pol
itics?"
mot any more" answered Senator
Sorghum. "A man ought to have hogs
head in order to amount to much these
ays."-Washington Star
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-10-15
Relaxation.

Mrs. Saltonstall-I feel tired TO death
this morning. I've been out till mid
night the last four nights running.
Mrs. Walsingham-So do |. have
had company for two weeks now, and
I'm all worn out. Let's go shopping
Somerville Journal.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-10-15
Alcohol Ruins Complexion

Society women of London have dis
covered that wines and liquors ara
hurtful to the complexion, making it
biotchy, rough and red They are.
therefore. avoiding alcoholic stimu-
lants, and drinking instead lemon
barley water at their noon and even
ing meals
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-10-15
Painless Tooth Extraction.

Tooth-pulling is a very simple and
painless process IN China. The dentist
rubs a secret powder on the gum over
the affected tooth. and, after about five
minutes, the patent is told to sneeZe.
The tooth then falls out Many at
tempts have been made by foreign
dentists to ascertain the nature of this
powder, but none have ever succeed
ed in doing so
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-10-15
WA ste of ENERGY

Mrs Grumbleton Ito husband, who is
shaking with ague)-Just like you, you
lazy fellow, wasting your strength like
that Why don't you lay hold of the
mats and shake them ALLY Sloper.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-10-15
MACNESIA SUBDUES BRUTE
New York Police Captain Says the
Chemical Is More Effective
Than Revolver.

Every man who is out late should
carry a bottle of magnesia water with
him." said Pobce Capt. Burdine TO a
New York Tines reporter the other
day. There is no law against it, and
it is far more effective than a pistol.
.cG.-zzs- 49, s~-y--
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-10-15
The Matchless Beauty

Her mamma tried to make the match;
She thought it her plain duty.
But soon found her daughter was
A matchess kind of beauty.
IN. .. Times Democrat
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-10-15

Newitt-Well. there's one thing
about the weather. It's always safe
topic of conversation.
Borroughs-I thought it was to-day
when l met Lendham, but when
started to speak of it he said; Yes, it's
unsettled, and that reminds me of that
PccoSnt OF yours. .'---Smitb's wpnhIv
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-10-15
About Even.

"Henpeck, what do you think of q
man who marries for money!"
"Think he earns every cent he gets.
Detroit Free Press.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-10-15

1t isn't concealed weapon. and IS lust
as deadly, when it is not used as
medicine
Not long ago young fellow whose
business keeps him out late at night
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-10-15
The Time of Her Life.

Parke-I imagine my wife is having
a high old time on her vacation.
Lane-Heard from her, have you?
ooh, no-from my bank. Brooklyn
Life
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-10-15
Life Is Insecure in Italy

In Italy, 80 persons out of 10000 die
by the assassin's knife. About four
fifths of the male population carry
stilettoes.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-10-15
The vanity of Greatness.

Her husband was handsome and true.
He had fame. he owned horses and lands,
But sorrow was hers: people knew
His grandfather worked with hts hands
Chicago Record Herald
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-10-15
Reward offered

The bandit struck an attitude,
While pride safe on his brow.
Said he: I'm swelied with gratitude,
I'm worth a thousand now"
Chicago Examine
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-10-15
Before the Convention

Politician-The trouble isthat some of
the candidates are not well enough
known.
Correspondent-Yes, and others are
too well knOwn-Puck.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-10-15
EATS NOTHING BUT GRASS
His Food in Psrk for Months
and Thrives on 1t.

Senior Euhesbic santos, a Spaniard
living in Brooklyn thrives on diet
of grass alone-JaSt plain. ordinary
grass. which he rhucks in the park
, with his own hanGs. His only drink is
water.
:. Is. ~.~ts ~ the neo-
pie with WHOM a lie hilnseiI
accentuated his tai, " eating about
quart of fresh grass for the gentle
men of the press out of a two-quart
soup tureen.
Senior" he said in Spanish. talking
mouthful of what remained in the
large tureen, Il AM Spaniard. | went
to Cuba from Spain 10 years ago. Be
The oasis., 1904-10-29

effected by the recently installed pumping machinery, 30 that in- stead of five million, the limit ot the enormous influx of water to the mines, the above figures have been obtained by the aid of the most powerful pumping machinery ever known in the southwest" The similarity Of topography and climatic conditions would unques- tionably disclose similar subter- ranean supply in the bowels of the ranges defining the santa Cruz Valley and river leading from the doors of Nogales to Tucson.
 It will interest your many so- nora readers and others, to know that Sonora authorities have act- ualIy instituted preliminary photographic survey. Some inter esting maps are already on hand, and valuable data concerning pre- cipitation and waterflow are be- coming accessible. The San Miguel River is credited with carrying normal flow of twenty-four cubic feet per second. The San Miguel l River is some forty odd miles ln length. It will be remembered ! that it joins the Sonora River at q
 nnint some three miles above the
 City of Hermosillo. This latter ! river, possessing its own separate
 watershed, and covering about the same distance, may be assumed to carry about the same flow as the 1 san Miguel, at least part of the wear. Assuming that a reservoir site is available near, or at the
 function of the rivers, and those
 best posted claim that Q choice E
 designated by nature itself. The ele-
 vation at the junction of the two
 rivers is TOO feet, consequently
 every tillable acre from there to 1 the sea. A hundred miles distant, \ bv all average Of six to ten ln
 width, is, or would be made avail
 able from such q reservoir. U would stagger the ablest statlclar in the world to compute the mil lions of wasted gallons of watel 5 that has proceeded to the sea N through the fertile Hermosillo Val l lev the last six weeks. Tbe yer,
 water, which the unscientifc far ? mer of these regions would glv : half or more of all his possession ! did he but control thousandti ? part of it few months hence.
 The above are outlines only c ! what the writer believes to be tn f most serious and consequentla q problem confronting the entlr - citizenship on either side of tn : international boundary line l ' Arizona, New Mexico or sonors : But it is probable that enough ha e been indicated to point out to a s concerned the direct and indirec
 importance of the Congress of lrr
 gation votaries, who will soon |
 on hand in El Paso. There VI
 Continued on page ,