The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1904-11-27

must be havin' a tur-rble time. I"
i said Mr.. Hennessy.
''Yenniver can tell" said Mr.. Dooley.
Nv coorse il looks as though they were.
1 Ivry day or two whin Port Arthur
hasn't fallen no more or is laid up from
I tn last fall 1 read in tn pa-aperS that
: tn correspondent iv Tn London Fudge.
a highly onprejudiced observer or liar
stationed at Chefoo has larned fr m
Chin?man, who has just arrived fr' m
! Picking on junk that tn conditions is
! something that wurruds cannot des-
I cribe Says he: TIL conditions at
I Port Arthur BATTLE description an
stagger tn imagination. On'y fourteen
liv tn original defenders survive an
they ar-re rayjooced to skeletons They
1 live in underground caves an cook
! their boots on explodin' bombs dhrop-
ped in be tn japanese. Las week
! Gin'ral Blinkoyitch shot an Kilt Gin
i raj Bejeeski in a quarrel over bar IN
soap which tn former was attn f'r
lunch. Ginral Stoessel has lost both
arms, a leg an TIL right ear, but he is
still cheerful an las night had his fur
! overcoat cooked an sarved at a dinner
/ to tn officers iv tn Probijinenky reg
/ meht. He proposed a toast to tn i'm
I p'ror in kerosene. TIL toast was Subsi-
quintly deVoursd be tn famished garri-
son. None iv tn garrison sleep at
night much on account Nv tn heejous
roar iv tn japanese shells which are
| dhropDcd into tn town at tn rate "
wan milyon day. Me informant tells
| men, an he's a man whose wurrd l
! wud accept as soon as me own, that tn
ships in the harbor have been convart-
I ed into junk, which must not be con-
fused with tn Chinese boats iv tn
same name. AS fast as they ar-re de-
! stroyed, they ar-re eaten by tn crew.
1t is no common sight to see. a starvin'
Russian sailor divin in TIL harbor fr
a cast-iTOD bolt or some such toothsome
morsel. TIL intelligent Chinyman who
brought ne tn news escaped just as tn
cook FIR Gin'ral StoeSsel was about TO
put him i'm tn oven. Th' Chinese are
| great stickIers FIR presaINin' their iden-
tity afther death an this man nachu-
rally didn't like to iine ancesthers in
tn shape If chop-sooey. Altogether tn
condition iv Port Arthur is worse thln
ye'er readers cud imagine an almost
/ as bad as they cud hope. Tn Port Ar
thur Daily Melojeen, tn on'y paper
now published there, has long kick
in tn last issue about delinquent sub
scvribers. 1t is headed "Meanin You
an goes on to say that tn iditor an
his wife mus live that they have jus
moved into a new dug-out an that II
tn cash is not fertheomin', he viii be
obliged TO miution names"
AN that's what l can't understand
Hinnissy. How is it, dye suppose
that if Port Arthur is so bad off, they
can have a daily paper? TIL man thai
runs it must be a great journalist.
Wudden't like to give up me paper 1t $
all / have in life? But if 1 was
as thin as an empty hen-coop
an had Just devoured me las collar an
If I knew that I wudden't make even q
decint muss if a japanese shell hit me
but Wud look like a pile iv loose lathe
an shavin,s sthruek by a cyclone, dye
suppose in thin circumstances / wud
be polite to a man who come ar-rouno
an offered me on'y clock an nat
full iv thradin' stamps tc subscribe Ia
his pa-aper? An think Nv tn editor
What a job. He Has eaten pair "
rubber boots an COLLECT tn news on his
hands an knees. Thin he has to write
il up: Society jettings: Ourselves an
wife attinded a mos jovyal gathering
at Gin'ral Pupspinkki's palatchal quar-
ters in BOmproof las night. Tn jay
NAL gin'ral had provided a bountiful re-
. pasta beautifully cooked war map
which he had procured at great ex-
lpinse TIL Jap'nese advanced positions
fell to our lot an we put il away witt
great gusto although il anything
there was too much red ink in IL. Oul
host was at his best an tn mornin
was far advanced befuf we reelec
home. Ivrybody agrees an injyabl'
time was had. There is no war news
as tn London papers ar-re onavoidably
late an our correspondent out with
Rooshan army. Wen sind him TO III
: rear where he can get some news.
An while he's gettin' tn pa-apel
. ready a Jap she'll is lible 10 come
through tn room iv his office an p
both him an tn form so bad that nay
Their wan iv thin can be set up again
mo. sir, if / amt far out iv tn way
Port Arthur amt sufferin' nearly a
bad as I am about it. It wud prob bll
be tn place 10 spind tn winter if "
didn't mind Twin in a fallen city-i
quiet life. conjaynial people, comfort
able an safe homes, little wurruk an
\ some fightin It's always IN sam
| way I've Wept me last weep over tn
l sufferin' iv the beseiged. 1 shed mann,
tears on account iv tn poor Spanyardi
in Santiago. but whin tn American
sojers got into tn town they were al
most suffycated be tn smell iv garli
, Cookin' with omlettes. j raymimbe
s how panied / was over tn desperat
plight iv tn sojers an diplomats a
Peking | rushed an army over there
They kilt Chinymen be tn thousand
an in tn face ~ incredible misState
ments fought their way to tn dures /
III palace where their starvin' brother
were imprisoned. What did they find
They found tn diplomats i'm their shir
sleeves film packin' cases with n
underwear iv tn Chinese impror al
: til spoons iv tn Chinese impress. II
r air was filled with cries iv 'Hinnery
d won't We set on this thrunk? ] can
: get tn lid down since We put in tina
: hateful idol Ih' English ambassador
was thryin' on a goold brocaded yes
four thousand years old, tn FriDc
smbassa dure was cratin' up tn i'm
lpror's libry an tn German embassy al
gallant officers iv tn Kaiser were in II
n observatory pryin' off tn brass fit
4 tings Nv tn tillyscopes
so I'll save me tears about Port Al
thur till all tn rayturns are in. L
like TO get hold iv copy iv III POI
Arthur Melojeen. I wondher where
subscribe TO it. I'd bet ye'd find
: cheerful 'Yisterdah was univentfu
e TIL Japs threw a few shell
befure breakfast an thin retire'
This thing has got TO stop. F-idah "
5 had a dog famed an if this occur
:, again we will appeal TO tn authorize
TIL Eschemojensky band give cor
cert on tn public square an NANNY
It tn townspeOple turned out to hear i
9 John Smithinski was UP befure jude
Hoganenski on In familyar charge. II
l. was sentenced to twinty knOuts or fift
I days Main sthreen is torn up agail
s How long will this condition last b'
fure tn people iv our fair city rise
their might against tn corruptionis
e: at tn city hall? Closin' quotations c
tn Fort Arthur board iv thrade: Cav
ar sixteen asked, fourteen bid candle
quiet an unchanged. with q far d.
mand f'r light upland tallOW.
,. ANSWERS to correspC ndints: Ma!
Is ski: Take half a pound iv tar. a qua