The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1904-08-11

fathers gin and water"
That's very fair. But how much
does she weigh?"
How much? How much? Why,
what odds does that make? Whoever
heard of weighing the characters of a
play:"
"It makes just this difference. MT
BOwser. If your heroine weighs 1GO
pounds and your hero only 40 the au-
dience won't be prepared to see him
throw her over his shoulder and trot
across a grapevine bridge and Up the
side of a steep mountain. However,
you can have her take antifat and feed
him upon cOrned beef at the same time
and thus get the right proportions. He
bears her off at midnight. but where
to-"
81 said there was to be no sarcasm"
protested Mr. BOwSer.
"And there is none. l am just max
ing friendly comments. Does he bear
her to a depot, ferryboat or whereT
'He bears her to the mountains, of
course. l want mountains in for scenic
effect. He bears her to cave in the
mountains Her father discovers her
flight next morning, and he raises
force of fifty men and starts in pur-
suit. He swears that he will have her
back dead or alive and that he will kill
Adolphus or put him to the torture
Right there again is a chance for
Booth or Barrett. Imagine the scene
The fifty men are drawn upon a bridge
over a gulf. The old man stands con-
fronting them. Suddenly he raises his
right hand and"-
The cat had come out, thinking the
performance had closed, but when Mr.
Bowser's right hand went up he real
lied the peril of the situation and made
a second scramble for life.
"Never mind" consolingly observed
Mrs. Bowser as the hand fell.
But l will mind" he savagely re-
tOrted. "Do you think Pm going to
have one of the best plays of the cen
fury knocked out by a cross eyed. dou-
bic jointed old spotted tomcatv'
He spent five minutes freezing the
cats soul with terror by words and
glares and then gave it up, and Mrs.
Bowser said:
''Well, AdOlphus gets the heroine to
a cave, and they have a picked up
breakfast of johnnycake and bologna
sausage, and then what happens?"
'Who said they had any such break
fastY
Then they couldn't have had any at
all. That isn't so material to the play,
however The father and his fifty
men follow on, of course?"
"Of course. What are they there for?'
But you should have the villain
guide them. You have villain.
haven't you"
"Y-e-s-that is, I'm going to have
There's no particular hurry about the
villain butting in. He will naturally
lead the crowd when he does come in"
''Well, the villain, the father and the
fifty armed men set off up the noun
tain, and then what happens?
''They are overwhelmed" replied
Mr.. Bowser.
'By a snowslide?"
Eyes, by a snowslide started by
AdolphuS. He sees them coming. He
sees a snowslide just ready to slide.
He would spare the father in order to
have a father-in-law, but he cannot
He swings his hat. He calls out. He
warns them to return before it is too
late. He stands thus, and-and"-
And Mr.. Bowser looked around for
the cat. The feline had his head out
from under the lounge, and the two
stood glazing at each other till Mrs.
Bowser had to laugh in their faces.
Thanks for the insult" stiffiy re-
piled Mr.. Bowser
But it is no insult. Please go on
with the plot"
Not another word, madam. / was
an ass to have told you as much as
did. 1t is evident to me that you are
far more interested in an internal old
cat than in my play, and you and the
cat can go to Ballyhack"
He thereupon walked down the hall
and put on his hat and overcoat and
walked over to the drug store. He
knew the druggist to be an old theater
SOeIJ anu dIlel u plL lie QueIleu VI ullu.
what would you say If l told you
1 was writing four act comedy"
Il should say that you were the big
gest jackass in town. was the prompt
reply.
Mr.. Bowser looked at him for a mo-
ment with sudden death in each eye
and then passed out into the night.
And the gas lamps fiared, the shadows
danced as he wandered to and fro and
felt that of all the living, breathing
human beings on earth he was the
only one who couldn't write play and
get a snowslide started at the proper
moment. NJ. QUAD.
youthful Wisdom.
"Oh, mamma" she said, with a little
burst of girlish confidence, what do
you think? Mr.. Iddyot proposed last
night"
"Ah, did he, my dear? And what did
my little girl say"
"Oh, told him that an engagement
was too solemn and sacred a thing for
me to enter into without serious
thought and consideration and that
would give him my answer in q week.