The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 18??-1935, 1904-03-04
AN APPEAL TO
The FILIPINOS.
Or, the American Circus, "A
COnglOmeration Of Yankee
Inconsistencies.

! w. r. Andrews, OF Grand Rapids
Mich, at recent toast, got off the fol
lowing appeal to the Philippines:
.You Philippines don't know what
| you are missing by not wanting to be,
come citizens of this grand country oil
ours There isn' T al ything like it un
der the sun You ought to send 8
delegation over to see us-the land Of
the free-land Of fine churches and 49,
900 licensed saloons bibles, forts and
guns, houses of prostitution; million
aires and paupers; theologians and
thieves; libertines and liars; politicians
and poverty; christians and chain gangs;
schools and scalawags; trusts and
tramps; money and misery; homes and
hunger; virtue and vice; land where
you can get good bible for Is cents and
bad drink of whiskey for five cents;
where we have man in congress with
three wives and lot in the penitentiary
for having two wives; where some men
make sausage out of their wives, and
some want to eat them raw; where we
put man in Jail for not having the
means of support, ana on the rock pile
for asking for job of work; where we
license bawdy houses and fine men for
preaching Christ on the street corners;
where we have congress of 400 men
who make laws, and supreme court of
nine men who set them aside; where good
Thiskey makes bad men and bad men
make good whiskey; where newspapers
are paid for suppressing the truth and
teaching lie; where professors draw
their convictions from the same place
they draw their salaries; where preach
ers are paid S25 900 year to dodge the
devil and tickle the ears OF the wealthy;
where business consist of getting hold
OF property in any way that won't land
you in the penitentiary; where trusts
hold up and poverty holds down.
where men vo te for what they do not
want for fear they won't get what they
do want by voting for il. Where mig
gers can vote and women can't; where
q girl who goes wrong is an outcast and
her male partner fourishes as gentle
man; where women wear false hair and
men dock their horses tails; where the
political wire puller has displaced the
patriotic statesman; where men vote for
. thing one day and cuss it 1854 days;
where we have prayers on the floor Of
our National Capitol and whiskey II the
cellar; where we spend $500 to bury a
who is rich and s. to put
away working man who is poor; where
10 be virtuous is to be lonesome and to
be- honest is to be crank; where We
vt on the safety valve of energy and pull
vide open the throttle Of conscience;
where gold Is substance one thing
fought for; where we pay $4,000 for q
! dog and fifteen cents a dozen TO poor
woman for making shirts; where we
each the 'uHtutored' Indian eternal life
rom the Bible and kill him off with bad |
vhiskey; where we put man In jail for |
tealing loaf of bread and 10 congress
or stealing q railroad; where the check
,ood talks, Sin walks 10 broad day light,
Justice Is asleep, crime runs amuck, cor.
upton permests our whole social and
'olitical fabric and the devil laughs from
very street corner. Come to us Fillies!
We've got the greatest aggregation OF
God things and bad things, hot things
nd cold things. all Sizes varieties and
olors, ever exhibited under one tent" !