Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1904-08-12
sTORIETTEs.

~ = OA<AA~ . . 1872 .
The editor Of an English paper re-
Gently received fine chicken, which
he, supposing it to be token of ap.
probation from discriminating read.
er, took home and enjoyed for dinner
The following day he received this
letter: Dear acknowledgements
sent you a chicken in order to settle
dispute which has arisen here. Can
you tell us what the chicken died OFF,"
In applying for some additional life
insurance recently, William Jennings
Bryan had to fill up the usual ques.
tions as printed on the application
sheet. One query was: Have you
ever suffered from fever of any kind?"
TO this Mr.. Bryan replied: Yes,
from two attacks of Presidential fever,
both of which were followed by Sc
we're chills. Have completely recover.
ed"
Like the traditional Englishman,
Arthur Stanley, Dean Of Westminster,
wore home from his first visit to
America an expression of amazement
which only time would efface. He was
at once beset by interviewers, who
asked the usual questions. What
was the thing which most impressed
you in American" was one of these
Without moments hesitation, Dean
Stanley replied: "My own Ignorance"
One portrait Of a distinguished SUBJ
ject which the late Professor Lenbach
began he never finished. The sitter
in this case was the Queen of Holland,
who, taking umbrage at suggested
change in her costume, sharply re-
bulSed the artist, and ordered him to
paint her as she was. Whereupon
the spirited artist replied: "Your
majesty can command your own sub
jects, but am German" and he took
his departure.
Senator Beveridge uses neither rail-
way passes nor telegraph franks. In
one occasion he had been speaking at
an old settlers picnic, and in making
his way through the crowd was re-
lieved of all Of his money. He did not
discover his loss until he attempted to
pay for a hasty lunch at the railway
station. He explained to the restau-
rant-keeper, who said in suspicious
tones: "Show your railway passes
if you are a senator" II don't use
them" replied Mr.. Beveridge. Then
you amt no SENATOR" said the landlord
with conviction.
Professor William James, of Har-
ward, is very popular with the more
intelligent and studious of the under
hgrrduates. When these young men.
however, make rash or bold or unbe-
coming assertions, he does not hest
| tate to take them down. Not long ago,
a sophomore aired some rather athe-
istical views before Professor James.
".You," the latter said, ''are a free
thinker. perceive. You believe in
nothing" IT only believe-haw-
what l can understand" the sophie
more replied. cit comes to the same
thing. l suppose" said Professor
James
Opals, when taken from the mines,
are soft, and can be picked to pieces
with the finger nails.
Pa-"Now, don't ask me any more
questions. l don't sele why your his
tory lessons should bother you so
They didn't bother me when was a
boy" Willie-"Well,sth there wasn't SO
much history made when you was a
boy. Philadelphia Ledger.
The comfort of pajamas is enjoyed
by certain young lady Of New Or
leans. When visitors have gone, or
are not expected, she arrays herself
in her pajamas and sandals, and feels
as frisky as a cClt in these cool and
light garments. -. .. .s
RUM GOING UP. .e
Customer don't see why rum
should be SO high?" .... .-
Dealer-"it's on account of the war
between Russia and Japan"
Hum! Don't see how that can be-"
Japan, after she has walloped Rus.
STA, intends to civilize the benighted
Chinese Empire, you know, and that
will vastly increase the demand for
rum" .....
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