Democratic messenger. [volume] (Snow Hill, Md.) 1869-1973, 1904-01-09
| Prof. Adde'S Dissemination. |
By Tom p. Morgan.
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feared lndt ON tnlS time some OF your
numerous inventions had hurried you
into a yawning sarcophagus There
was also a rumor TO the effect that the
Foolkiller had resumed business at the
old stand
The clerk made no reply. but cast
look of reproach at his traducer.
The clerk may not be right smart as
an inventor. but when il comes TO cast
ing looks of reproach at people he is no
amateur parties having looks of re-
proach which they desire cast with
neatness and dispatch will do we'll 10
call on the clerk of the Duffy Housed.
Why, oh. why" went on the man
from the metropolis. will you persist
in inventing when you are well aware
that. in the day YOU wot not. it is liza
bic to rise up and smite you into the
middle Of next week? And il wouldn';
surprise me one bit if ii caught you
some time when you really thought yoI
were voting.
Yes" he continued. catching His
breath. look not upon the invention
when it is red. or. ere you wot of it.
the razzle-dazzle and pillyweewee will
be singing over your grass grown
grave. As an awful warning. let me
cite case where an immoderate indul-
gence in inventing very nearly scienti-
hcally administered the culinary oper-
alton to the individual goose of a we'll
known scientist. Did you read the ac-
count of a shower of flesh out in the
western mart of the s-afe7"
The clerk had read it,
We'll that was all that was left of
once pensive COW, the property of Pro-
lessor Socrates Addle. and worth one
months salary of any mans money"
The man from the metropolis girded
up his voice, so to speak, and proceed
ed:
For a long time Prof. Adde'S resi-
dence was overrun with rats. They
took unwarranted liberties with the
household shrines They entered the
rooms without wiping their feet on the
mats. held conventions in the garnet.
and fought in the parlor. Without re-
gard for the feelings of the owner of
the building. they even invaded the
professors private den and there swap
ped lies and Dragged about what terri
bic fellows they used 10 be 10 bind
wheat.
Anxious as the scientist was TO ge:
rid of them, he did not resort 10 traps
OF poison. He was too much of an
inventor for that. and II he couldn't
annihilate them by some unique and
original method. they could go unanni-
hilated
For long time Prof Adde'S think
Ing accomplished nothing. But he was
not discouraged. Addle was as deter
mined an inventor as ever blew up
his grandmother. and was a good deal
like the mills of the gods. over at New
Harmony, Indiana, which grind exceed
Ing slow, but get there just the same.
He did not grow impatient. but wound
up his thinker with renewed energy.
The result was his justly-celebrate
Dissemination. IL was compounded of
powders. which were not only pleasar;
to the taste. but harmless while dry.
But when confined and moistened. say.
for sake of argument. when soaked
10y copious drink OF water. after hav-
ing been swallowed. the result was of
surprising and spectacular nature.
After a rat had partaken of the
powder he would meet friend and he
asked out TO take drink. A little lat
er the victim would detect an intense
yearning in his internal economy He
would cast a reproachful look at his
friend. and remarking, We meet but TO
sever would explode with an elabor-
ateness which showed that. while he
might not be much of rat. in many
ways, as an exploder he knew his best
ness. Every now and then there would
be squeak. small pop with fur on il.
and another rat would be gathered to
his ancestors.
The Dissemination and bowls of wat
er were always at hand, and, in the wee
small hours of night. the professor
would awake TO hear the unobtrusive
pop of another rodent Il got so that
he could almost tell the hours of the
night by the gentle illumination of the
rats. The later the hour the more fire.
quently they popped.
SO delighted was the inventor at the
successful working of the invention
that he resolved 10 extend the sohere
of the Disseminator's usefulness and
rid the town of supcrnuous CANNES.
The illuminate was Increased to ten
times its original strength. and daily
placed in connection with raw meat in
sundry handy places.
las dog exterminaror. the Dissem-
inator was bowling success. A terri
BILE epidemic seemed prevailing among
the CANNES. Somebody's pet 'purp.'
upon returning from a scouting or
counting expedition, would take
drink. sit down in the parlor in the
midst of those who loved him. and sud-
denly explode with pop that split his
hide from here TO yonder
AT all hours and in all sorts of
places, sudden 'puffs.' would be heard
and another dog would be rent from
extremity to circumference, and on the
dallying breeze would float a yell and
dbers Of disconnected dog-hair