West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1904-08-04
Their Advent IN Klngwood and
How the People Honored Them.
For Years They Lived in Princel,
Style on Pie.
Tells of the Pie Wagon by Rajah
Phillip Knots and His Army.

One of the most pathetic invita-
tions which / have received from
the army of defeated pie hunters
is the one which | received from
the Rev. Harrison Zinn, who claims
his habitation in the wilds of Reno |
District, far removed from what is |
styled civilization today. Rev. Zinn
and l have been life long members
of the Brotherhood of Ginseng Dig
gers. He has been President and |
l have been scribe for more than
twenty years. When the ginseng
season is at its height we spend
many happy days in the mountains
digging ginseng 10 send to the
Chinese in the far off Flowery King
dom. We have dug and prespired
freely in extracting the roots of SAL
walton from the earth that we might
convert the heather Chinese to our
way of voting the Republican ticket
in Republican primary contest.
For awhile the future looked bright
to us and Bro. Zinn was meeting
with great success as a ginsengist
and pie hunter that we determin-
ed to move from the mountains to
the ancient city of Kingwood and
take our abode and devote the bal
ance OF our days to law making of
which W. had crude conception.
We would dwell among the law
makers and the elite and from that
time forward we would wear tan
shoes and store clothes like the
politicians who used to visit our
humble log huts and prey upon our
credulity. They would have us
love and vote the way they indicated.
So elated were we at the discovery
of new world and people that we
began to dream of marble palacesl
The innovation at first did not
NEE, with Bro. Zinn's approval. /
was wild for change of latitude
and longitude. But Bro. Zinn con-
tended, and vehemently too, tina! Is
a loyal ginseng rootist he could not
desert the chosen people whom he
had associated with from his earliest
recollection. | pleaded earnestly
and eloquently with him that we
were living in an age of which we
were total strangers, and pointed to
the politicians Of the tan shoes and
store clothes as an evidence that
there were mansions beyond the |
mountains where people dwelt IN
happiness and prosperity. They
had told us of the full dinner pail
and prosperity and exhorted us to
stand pat on election day, which
filled our minds with amazement.
was frantic to join the procession,
but Bro. Zinn was obstinate. He
still chung to his antediluvian ideas
that Moses was somewhere in the
red brush and that he would capture
him. | argued that Moses had
escaped from the woods and was
dwelling in the ancient capital of
Kingwood. But Bro. Zinn protested
and said:
"You are mistaken. | am the
elder of the two and | have more
gray matter in my gourd than you
have In your cocOanut."
As there was no phrenologist to |
decide ! had to agree.
Time rolled on. One day we
were on the mountain side ginseng
ing when man approached us and |
spoke thus:
IL presume / have the pleasure
Of gazing upon the Rev. Harrison
Zinn and his man Milo. / have |
been seeking you for these many |
years. am the boss OF the Repub.
lican party and have one pic left
which / desire to present TO you,
providing You abandon the woods
and come and dwell ia the city Of
Kingwood. The pie is known as
the County Commissioner" and it
is an honor greatly sought by those |
who have become civilized II en-
ables you to build roads and bridges
that you may pursue your enemies
without let or hindrance. Once you
are crowned with this pic men Will |
bow down and worship you. You
will wear golden crown, set with |
many brilliant jewels, and bob !
tailed coat to distinguish you from |
the common people Your flowing |
beard OF which you have such a |
beautiful crop, will be the admira. /
ton Of my people. May ask that |
you accept the pier"
To say that Bro.Zinn was surpris
ed beyond expression is putting il
mildly. II was some time before he
could make answer. Presently he
arose to his fall height and said:
mGlnrinms hog ~ The RenuL.l.....