The semi-weekly messenger. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1897-1908, 1904-08-30

1oSpEfSll, 1904 by Mcclure. Phillips
& Company
How is tn war coBnin' on?" asked
Mr.. H~ennessy.
Nicely. thank ye fr askin',' said
Mr. Dooiey. .'Th Rooshyans is sweep
In Everything before Thin in their mad
rush to Saint Petersburg. Their navy
has been uniformly VICTORIOUS. in some
cases BLOWN up higher thin tn wur-
ruld's record an in other cases batin'
all previous time out to sea an back
again. Port Arthur has fallen as often
as a g~wadyate iv tn Kelley cure. Tn
Car has issued a ukas which is tn
main nourishment iv tn common peo-
pie iv Rooshy, a blessing an an ikon 10
each recroot. II il wasn't fr tn Roos-
hyan belief in tn ikon, 1 don't know
how long tn Gar wud last, Hinnissy.
That's a joke. Look it UP. TIL lie SUBJ
jocks iv tn Car who ar-re bein' stint
to die fr their country which is on'y
theirs whin they ar-re away fightin'
FIR it. has thanked tn Car at a thre-
menjous blow-up FIR a Nv his princi-
pal advisers. But tn Gar won't know
much about tn war firm now on. L
seen it in tn paper tn other day that
they was BORN to his impeeryal high
ness Gin'ral Alexis Alexandrovititch
Michaelovitch J%ohnovftch Terenenclo-
witch Willum ]. Gear. Mr.. an Mrs.
Car both dom we'll. He was BORN a
Rooshyan gin'ral, mind We. It's a
heavy handicap to start with but ne
may live it down whin he acquires
sinse. An firm now on tn Car will
have enough on his hands without
thinkin iv tn war. Tn baby ought TO
take tn measles about tn time tn
Japs takes Moscow.
They're a great people, thin Japs.
L used to look down on thin. Who was
tn hero that opened thin up to westh-
len civilization? 1 f'rget. I niver ray
mlmber a hero's name or f'rget a cow
ards. Such is fame. But he ought to
nave a leather medal firm Rooshya.
He opened Japan up tn way a burglar
opens a safe. There it shud an saws
Westhren Civilization to itsilf: There
mus be something in this. Well blow
tn dure If We opened it up. Hin
Missy, al what did we find? Ditictives,
no less. Twas as though We shud blow
a sthrong box lookin' FIR threasure n
out shud step a foorce iv Pinkertons,
grab We bv tn neck an say: Come.
along with us. We want to see tn
TOOLS We didn't go in. There wasn't
room.. They come out. Whin 1 was a
young man l niVer seen a Jap. l haven't
seen anything. else FIR tin years. TIL
first thing they got was a pair iv specs
an they bought betther vans hin l
use. Thin they begun runnin' around
over tn wurruld findin' out what was
goin' on. No wan thried to stop thin.
What harm cud they do, thin cunnin'
little fellows barely up to tn waist band
iv a Rooshyan? Our idee iv a great
man is a tall man, which lets out Ma
poleon Bonyparte an Young Corbett
an lets in Fairbanks. TIL Jap is tn
on'y person 1 know iv that's larned
anything in recent years. He larned
ivrything that was known be Impror
tW1llum, tn Car, Prisidint Rosenfelt,
Charley Schwab, ]. w. Gates, Herr
Krupp, Mrs. Eddy, Nells Morris, Cap
Mahan, tn American Can Coomp'ny,
tn Authors Society, Thomas Edison,
Wfllum Marconi, Jawn Hay an Doctor
MunyOn, borrid enough none to make
him inthrestin' an wint home. He car
ried his satchel to tn McAdoo or chief
ruler iv Japan who rayceived him
dhressed in a plug hat an a kimono
to show tn English ambassadure an
tn Gawd Boodha that he played no ia
vorites. Little insects in tn cheese
says that mighty potintate, we have
done we'll. Go an die where. We Will.
An he gave thin each a handsome pair
iv Congress CATERS an sin thin on
their way. Thin he re-read tn docy-
minis, an says he to himsilf: We've
been opened on a bluff he says. It's
all a matther iv tools. Be hivens. I'll
start a masheen shop an whin I'm
ready I'll serve notice on this here
Westhren civilization hat 1 decline
amy longer to be threated as a jack
pot
"Nayether Rooshya nor 1 believed
him, but bein' busy at home 1 put tn
matther aside. Rooshya was more in
quisitive. TIL Rooshyans put their
hand in to see whether tn wheels were
goin' round. They were. They were
goin' round at tn rate iv fifty rivolu-
tions a sicond an they aren't rivolu-
tons We can put down be sindin' people
to Sibeerya Ivry day since this here war
again thin pore, benighted haythen
begun they'se been something dom. A
Rooshyan can't step out into his back
yard without landin' on a mine. TIL
Ca at home tendin' tn baby, rocks
tn cradle with wan hand an opins a
tillygram with tn other. 'Tis firm
Gin'ral K~urrypotkin an il reeds: En-
route home. L nave TN honor 10 ray
/. port to ye'er majesty that 1 made a
gallant attack on tn Jap'nese right at
TO-: 80 this mornin' Our sojers fought
like heroes. dhrivin' tn Japs befure
thin like chaf befure tn wind. But
at IL o'clock tn chaff turned an sub
~sequently tn joke was on me. Tn
Japs seemed absolutely oblivyous iv
human life or their own Forchnitely
there was a thrain in waitin' an / man
aged to catch TIL last rail. ] hav tllly-
grated tn ARMY to jine me at their
own convaynience. / larn firm Port
Arthur that ye'er majesty's fleet made
anothe sortie at tn inimy again an
afther infiictin' much damage on their
mines an torpedoes be raL1inin' THIN.
serted back to their snug haven in Port
Arthur where they CALAMITY repuised
an infantry attack. They ARE now
throwin' up inthrenchments on deck.
7 E;iII do nau-thin, till 7 ,arn what Tn,