The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1904-02-27

so bitter it wound up in the supreme
court, is likely to retard further steps
in extension by either organization.
The great hive of ladies and the SUI
preme hive of ladies got into such a
wrangle-although it is admitted that
the success of one Is dependent upon
the existence of the other-their good
features almost have been forgotten
| And all because a parcel of women
were at the head" said woman men,
Der. What they needed to keep them
from quarreling among themselves was
a fighting mani!
81 see that Sir Henry Irving said that
the panic in the Iroquois theater in
Chicago might as easily have occurred
in a church" remarked q Sunday lie
abed. Why, the man doesn't know
what he is talking about. In the thea
ter we are always trying to amuse
satan; in the church We are always
fighting his fire-hell fire. / don't go
to church because l am not needed as a
volunteer to assist in putting out hell
fire; the preachers forever throwing
water on it, and no asbestos curtains
are necessary. / never heard of a
panic in church except at a wedding,
when q lot of insane creatures tried to
appropriate the brides flowers"
Perhaps radium will cure the liquor
habit. Let's try it. 1t is by no means
established as yet that the vermiform
appendix is not the seat of the whisky
desire. 1t is established, 1 believe that
such as have lost it are ardent haters
Of everything alcoholic. Now let US
experiment. Take twelve healthy men,
remove from six the 'functionless little
enemy and record the results. If those
operated on refuse thereafter to get
down off the water wagon let US start
temperance crusade on substantial
subcecum lines. If it is inexpedient to
cut off the appendices Of the six, let us
try radium.
After seventeen years of hard study
DR.. George D. Swaine, of the Michigan
board OF health, says he has discovered
a permanent cure Of the craving for
drugs, including morphine. choral, CO.
caine and arsenic, and also for whisky.
Some faith might be 'reposed in this
article # it were not so catholic There
| is one medicine which is said to cure
no fewer than 126 diseases-and cures
| none. II Swaine's discoyerey cures the
whisky habit alone it accompliShes
enough. The doctor says it cures while
you wait. The longest period necessary
| is forty hours. There are $4,000 900
| gallons of whisky now in bond in the
United States. 1t will take our vast
| army. Of "What'll-You HAYES" about
| two years to put them down, as they
! will, by the addition of water and other
adulterants, be 300,000,0O0 gallons
| when passed over the bar. DIR. Swaine
will have something of a job saving
that whisky for the arts"
Gold" said the Christian Scientist,
buttoning his warm furlined coat, lis
! merely the absence of heat"
| ''Thankee." said the shivering beggar,
| but 1t amt the kind of absence that
makes the heart grow fonder."
| An American from the West visited
| England several months ago, and, fall
ing in love with the Isle of Wight, took
up his abode in the village of Rye He
| had not been theresa week before the
people began to ask If he knew James,
the novelist. Very well indeed" he
replied, though he had never heard of
our self-expatriated fellow citizen.
| wonder where he is; I'd like to see
him." Being informed that James lived
| In Rye and was a celebrity there, our
friend rushed off to a book store and
ordered the complete works of the nov
elist. In due time they arrived, and he
| Isolated himself for month to read
| up on the author so as to be able to
| converse with him about his novels. It
was his habit to stuff himself with
writer's works before making his ac-
quaintance.
| Being a man of large means and
Western push, he had not a great deal
of trouble in obtaining an Introduction
to James, and at an opportune moment
| opened fire with a laudation of "Agin-
court" James endeavored to appear
| interested. From "Agincourt" he leap
ed to Castle of Ehrenstein," from that
to Henry of Guise," which he said was
his favOrite novel. zone of the ear
marks by which we all know you, Mr.
James" he laughed, slapping the writer
on the knee in jovial fashion, '1s your
fondness for the two horsemen.' Now,
tell me honestly, how many stories
have you opened with those two horse
menu" James was. furious. "I much
| fear you have mistaken me-" he said
| with icy GOODNESS. THE works you
have mentioned were written by Mr.
G. p. r. James, and the two horsemen
were his private property" But sure
| ly you amt 'shamed of your writings q"
mot in the least. But L am not the
person you expected to meet" What?
Not James, the celebrated novelist 2"
mo. He was the other James-the
Englishmap. He died in 1860" "And
who might you be?" Gust Henry
| James, author" ''Well, I'm glad to
meet, you, anyhow. No hard feelings
l hope. 1t was all the fault of that
British bookseller, who worked off a
lot Of G. p. r. James trash on me-"