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The Coalville times. [volume] (Coalville, Utah) 1894-1923, 1904-04-08
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Omcor Shawhan-"Whats your big
sister gettin' tenched up deere at der
schoolT Tceny O'Tun-"Aw. electro
cutlon. ply torture, and stuff ike
dat."-Puck
He-'I think the bride WINS wonder
fully lucky In receiving 30 many beau.
tiful wedding presents shc--"Oh, ahe
always was lucky In that respect
Brooklyn Life.
Church-'I see Jersey man Is com.
planning because his wife thought morg
OF a dog than she did or him" Gotham
-"Well. perhaps the dog growled less"
-Yonkcrs Statesman.
"What makes you think she has a
saving sense OF humorT because
she laughed no heartily when she de.
scribed the way you proposed to her"
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
'rhen you have no sympathy for the
deserving poor" said the charity work.
or. "Mor rotorlcd the self.made man.
"Why sir I have nothing hut sym.
pathy."-Chicngo Daily News.
Section Boss-"What Is an that ar
guing down the roadY" Foreman
"Why, the man operating the steam
roller Insists that we shall call him .
chauffeur Philadelphia Record.
The lass who turns 10 literature
The aching heart she sometimes wringt
With speech and manners 20 dcmurc,
How can she think such awful thinrif
Warrington Star.
Chicago Mani do think our cab
drivers are the worst In creation" New
York Man with the pride OF conscious
superlorliyl-"My dear fellow. they're
Innocent angels compared with oursl"
Chicago Tribune.
Nodd-"Awfully sorry to hear your
house burned down. Did you save
anythingT Todd-"oh, yes. After
some pretty lively work we succeeded
In getting out all the things we didn't
want"-Town and Country.
Tenant mngrllyl--"rhe cellar OF our
house Is full OF rats. What are you
going TO do about itr' Landlord tcalm.
liyl-"Nothing. What do You expect for
ST a month. any way-a cellar fun OF
white mlccr'--Chicago Daily News.
The Very Good Man-"He's forever
prating about what his conscience tells
him. what does his conscience tell
him, anyway III usually tells bin,
apparently. what awful sinners his
neighbors are."-Phlladelphia Press
BIothcr-"Yes; ana when the Prodigal
Son was sorry for being 20 bad and 70.
turned 10 bis home his ,ather killed the
fatted calf" Bobby-"But what
had the fatted calf been dolngi Had
he run away, tooT-noston Transcript
There was a great swell in Japan.
Whose name On Tuesday began
IL lasted through Sunday n
Till twilight ON Monday,
And sounded like Ht0ls- in a can,
Harvard lampoon.
III shall not be content untn we see
our son making forty or nfiy thou.
sand dollars a year." said the fond
mother. MY dear" answered her
husband. "whut do you want him 10 be.
jockey or a observation-disclosures
ton Star.
vlsltor-"You say you call your
horses Blscay ana Bengal. Aren't
those decidedly unusual names for
horsesT Farmer-"Ef the joggmiles
hain't changed sense got my schooIln
them's mighty good names fer pair
O big bays."-Daltlmor American.
The Coalville times. [volume] (Coalville, Utah) 1894-1923, 1904-04-08

Several OF the magazines published
for railway men aud engineers are
asking for the invention OF a new
kind OF railway track The present
track, they say. has been the same
for thirty years and cannot bear fast
travel as It should. The old wooden
crosstle is In use everywhere though
It was long ago out OF date. There
Is no eyenness nor elasticity IN the
broken stone and gravel upon which
the tie rests. The foundation is nm.
equal. II requires the most constant
attention. A flood will destroy Il In a
few hours. II we are to travel faster
than sixty miles an hour our inyen-
tors must give us a new kind Of rail.
way track. less iilmsy than the kind
we have az present
The Coalville times. [volume] (Coalville, Utah) 1894-1923, 1904-04-08

II would be dlsrespectful to shy that
there Is anything obstinate about n
sitting hen. but one must acknowledge
at least that she Ia firm.
There Is story OF a good old coun.
try doctor who found that a hen was
sitting IN the back OF wagon, long
unused His everyday wagon had
giyen on. aud he needed the old one
to maid a round OF calls. 10 he har-
messed up and started the hen and all.
Thus he continued 10 do day after
day. and the sitter was faithful to her
post Only the eggs suffered incon-
yenlence FOR the Jarring finally added
them.
The Springfield Republican tells the
story Of another hen which was en-.
gagged one night In broodnE over some
eggs IN barrel In the livery stable
where she made her home.
The stable caught fire. with the
courage OF the boy on the burning
deck. she refused 10 leave her post.
The top OF the barrel took lire. II
burned halfway down. and still the
hen did not move.
The stable was almost totally de
siroyod, but the hremen had the
flames 40 far under control that a
stream Of water. turned upon the hens
apartment extlnguished the blaze
The smoke did not seem TO disturb
the hen, nor did the food OF water
pouring down the inside OF che barrel
When daylight came she was stlll IN
her half-burned tenement, ana In due
time she brought on her brood OF
eight chickens.
The Coalville times. [volume] (Coalville, Utah) 1894-1923, 1904-04-08

Tho scheme zoo establish seal farms
in Lake Superior ias been abandoned,
presumably because the seal could not
live IN that lake and secondly Tor fear
TINT the women of nulu,h. MINI,
would would sAin the seals prcma.
-.lr.Iu
The Coalville times. [volume] (Coalville, Utah) 1894-1923, 1904-04-08

Mr.. Howells would like to have the
authors OF the country form a protec-
tive union. comments the Boston Tran.
script. Such an association might or
might not have a beneficial effect upon
rates OF compensation. prompt pay.
ment and the other disputed matters
which affect the literary craftsmen,
but II Il could be made TO limit the
output while improving its quality It
would serve a most useful purpose.
Meantime we have heard little from
the union Of German verslners who
recently made a compact not to writ,
for less than ten cents a line.
The Coalville times. [volume] (Coalville, Utah) 1894-1923, 1904-04-08

Never rains where Jim 70
IOl..c lIfkn'. UWum'.
il0 ar round inaf|n
Sun be- almost shihn'l
Nevers hot whore Jim is--
WHOM the town is swcatin';
He icy scts and answer
Wei, aiu't a lrottln'W
Ncvcrs cold whore Jim ISL
None of us misdouht 70,
Sre.u' we're Mich ir0zoni
lie "ain't thought about itl"
Thinrs that rifle up Others
Never seem Co strike himi
Trouble proc" call it,
Misht that I was ike himi
Edwin l.. Sahin, in LippinooiRA
The Coalville times. [volume] (Coalville, Utah) 1894-1923, 1904-04-08

SO far from being an evidence Of
national leyiiy and lack OF serious.
ness slang is the language OF SINGER
iiy. declares Prof. Herman Spencer IN
u recent number OF Bookloyers' Maya.
zine, II IS the result OF an instructive
effort to get as far away as possible
from everything like pretontlousness.
Il Is the antipodes Of pathos. II Is
the Ia guage OF the whole people, be-
cause It Is expressive Of the national
sense Of humor that IS never 30
keen as when II contemplates with a
JOY likewise umtterable the spectacle
presented by the fake exposed. II Is
blunt. It Is crude. Il is brutal some
times, but It Is always sincere. II
directs against the citadols OF evil the
mighty engIncry OF laughter Il does
for our nascent abuses what the NOR
dant satire OF Martial ana Juyenal
failed to do for decadent Rome.
The Coalville times. [volume] (Coalville, Utah) 1894-1923, 1904-04-08

a stcu0paphrr is Given credit for
writing - words minute. hut what
about the follow who dictated thcmy
The Coalville times. [volume] (Coalville, Utah) 1894-1923, 1904-04-08
GOOD FRON AN ILL WIND

BIZ J. h. NIcHoLJoN.

<. E will just have to stay
= here, and make the hest
I o OF IL; but / don't believe
the water viii get up to
the hougan
The Nezperce herald. (Nezperce, Idaho) 1900-1957, 1904-09-15

were treated to the same pessimism
and to much the same stories Of ma
tional. moral and political decay as we
are to-day. II all Of these were true
we would be sunk so low to-day that
1t would be impossible to go any lower.
If. however. we compare long ranges
Of time we see unquesdoned progress
in every line. moral and political, as
well as Industrial and financial. We
hear complaints Of bad municipal gov
eminent. Of graft in st. Louis. crook
edness In Minneapolis and rottenness
In Philadelphia, but, as matter of
fact, the conditions for the country as
whole are greatly improved. The
apparent decline Is due to the fact that
we know of all the corruption to-day.
thanks to the press. whereas of old IT
was hidden away In darkness and Sc
crecy. In the same way the apparent
increase In crime, which Is the basis of
the English plant. the greater number
of arrests reported everywhere. the
larger number Of prisoners In jail, do
not really mean more crime. but are
due to the fact that we have n better
police system and that very few
crimes go undetected and UNPUBLISHED, |
as they did formerly.-New Orleans
The Nezperce herald. (Nezperce, Idaho) 1900-1957, 1904-09-15
Filtration In Russia.

Russia Is not the place to which we
should look for any movement against
the particular kind OF frivollty on the
part Of young people known as nirta-
ton. Yet recent news has II that the
young men OF st. Petersburg. wishing
to turn themselves and others from
the errors OF their ways. have formed
a society for the suppression OF tho
hirt and the abolition Of flirting. Thir-
ty-seven young men OF high birth.
moved to this high endeavor. have
taken solemn vow not to pay court
to any lady unless their intention is
marriage, should the lady be willing.
The fine for first offense Is fairly
heavy one. but should the member be
inclined second time. he
must pay a fine multiplied by 1--WE. A
third offense Is visited by expulsion
from the meetings Of the society. It
seems pity that Russian maidens
should be the only ones who benefit
by this modern form of chlvalry. Brit
sh maidens may well sigh for a like
growth OF public opinion against the
90 universal practice among young
men OF having a good time with
Jolly" girl. and then ride away to
-epeat the meaningless vaporIngs to
he owner of the next pair Of bright
YES
The Nezperce herald. (Nezperce, Idaho) 1900-1957, 1904-09-15

Il will give you the beer II you want
for drink Of beer, but 1 have some
thing better here in the finest lemon
ade to be found In camp" Removing
the cover. he disclosed a generous YES
sci filed to the brim with rich lemon
ade. and large lump Of ice In the
middle. 1t was too tempting to re-
sist. and the lemonade was purchased
instead Of the beer. Before noon OF
the first day his lemonade was known
throughout the camp, and the run upon
the canteen was such that he was kept
busy making more. and he took pains
to keep the quality up to the mark.
The major came by and saw how he
was conducting the place, but he rails
ed no objection. The men Of the regi-
ment understood the reason for sup
plying the lemonade, and although at
first there had been some disposition
on the part Of the rougher ones to
make merry over the uncomfortable
situation In which the young man had
been placed, even these came to adj
mire the spirit in which he obeyed or
ders. and they rallied to his support. |
When his duties at the canteen were |
over. he was found at the camp |
Young Mems Christian Association. |
helping In the religious work of the |
regiment. But the popularity Of his |
lemonade proved so great as to de-
mand steady supply Of It, and in
proportion as the lemonade was con-
sumed, the sale Of other drinks dimin-
ished.
The young soldier had obeyed his or
ders. and performed a task which his
soul despised, but he did It In a way |
that helped to give mis- regiment the
reputation Of being one Of the soberest |
and most orderly in camp.
The Nezperce herald. (Nezperce, Idaho) 1900-1957, 1904-09-15
How to Live Happily.

1 nov 10 Law AaPfAsy-
Among the various malign Influences
that initiate against the security OF IN
dividual or domestic happiness. none Is
more insidiousy efrectual In alternating
| the affections OF husbands from their
wives, OF children from their parents.
than discomfort. Yearly are many
young men and maidens thus induced
TO take the broad aud fiowery path that
leads TO destruction. let alone hus-
bands and wives to forget the solemn
vows made at the altar. and rash
unions as readily formed as loving
ties are thoughtlessly sundered. Most
lamentable OF all chiefly does this oc-
eur among people who have never eS-
perieneed the sensations OF hunger. are
In full possession OF their health and
faculties, and whom the greater sor-
rows OF life have passed by untouch-
ed. What then. Ia the cause OF their
dissatisfaction Simply that human
nature is 80 curiously constituted that
the absolute ownership OF coveted
object or fulnllment OF some ardentiy
desired hopes. soon converts the most
intense longing into placid. II not In
different acceptance OF the amplsst ia
yOrs and blessings. Hence. the folly OF
blaming or denouneing the universal
human liability TO chafe under too long
continuance OF even the greatest
prosperity. Rather should II be regard.
ed as the symptoms OF a diseased con
dition OF the mind. calling for tender
care and judlcious treatment; that. too.
at the earliest possible date. lest such
inroads be made on the patients men-
tai constitution that the most summary
and powerful measures prove unayail- |
Ing. Different medicines" OF course.
are needed In different eases. but one
OF the best prescriptions for the mai
ady produced by monotony ID change"
To keep the same hours. eat the same |
food. wear the same clothes aud ea-
press the same opinions year after
year. Is not only trying 10 even an
iron constitution. but Indicative OF a
narrow minded. unprosressiye. selfish
person. One should certainly not set
his face persistentiy against every sug
gestion OF change In the home. when II
will vary the mouotony OF life there
without upsettins the abolished order
OF things 10 any serious exteut In.
deed. special privileges. Of harmless
nature. should be granted from time
TO time. by mutual consent. TO each
member OF the family. for these have
a wonderful effect OF Frightening up
the spirits Of young peopl. In partieu-
lar. and so reconeliing them 20 the
disa grees bic tasks OF life. Will. u 10
often necessary. In order 10 promote
the general comfort OF home. that
certain restraints b. put upon the In.
iIvidusl iaclinations Of separate mem
bers Of the family. II IL. on the other
hand. OF equal Importance that such re-
strictions be removed at Intervals To
the cramplnx influence they
would otherwise exert on the mind and
character. This Is tho best achieved
by an occasional effort OF unsslnshn.-s
put forth on the part OF all It's mem.
'ers.-Agricultural Epitomlst
The Nezperce herald. (Nezperce, Idaho) 1900-1957, 1904-09-15

HE people the United States can derive an
I"A Iobject lesson from Brazil to the climatic
Ienects produced by the destruction of forests.
= No more striking illustration could be found of
HD8S (fHNV the fact that make the weather.
E2S8u In northern Brazil large states have been
brought o of ruin through the devas
of the timber United States Consul General
Seeger at Rio de Janero attention to the chronic
rouhs and torrefacton the OF Rio Grande do
Ceara where the parched country has brought
relief have been put In opera
by the government The consul geenral points out
be definitely traced TO the
destruction of the timber abundant In those
regions Now the states being depopuated and des
oation regns offered nducement
10 the settler.
The United States in recent years has taken steps to-
ward the protection of its forests but the laws are still
from stringent The government slow TO awake
to urgency the matter The waste of timber in this
country during past fifty has been almost beyond
belief The continental railroads. alone destroyed millions
They sashed and burned recklessly
building their lines and their engines set IRE TO and
ruined Settlers, with thought of the future
value OF the timber added heavily to the waste In
way another ruthless hand of the destroyer has
done damage that be repaired only at the OF
many years
should be built and strengthened by laws designed not
only foster the growing of trees but TO protect the tim
Der now standing.-Chicago Journal.
The Nezperce herald. (Nezperce, Idaho) 1900-1957, 1904-09-15
oBtYSe ORDERS.

During the war with Spain 1900
soldiers were at one time camped at
Chickamauga awaiting orders for the
invasion of Cuba. Some of the regf-
ments were made up OF the finest and
most earnest young men Of the COM
munities from which they came. The
exigencies OF camp life necessitated
duties with which they had been I'M
familiar. From one cavalry regiment
two young men, cultivated. wealthy,
and graduates Of colleges. were detail
ed to assist I'm hOrseshoeing; and so
faithfully did they do their work that
within a month they were able to
make as good horseshoe. and shoe a
horse as well. as men who had been
trained TO the trade from youth.
1T was not exactly what we had in
mind when we enlisted said one of
them, 'and it was as near the battle
field as we ever got; but 1t was our
way Of serving our country then. and
we tried to do our duty"
A harder duty still was assigned to
another man in the same regiment.
The major detailed him to keep the
regimental caDteen. Not only was he
a total abstainer. but he was opposed
to the canteen on principle. and In his
converse ton with his comrades had
made no secret Of his feeling in the
matter.
He hotly resented his assignment to
this hateful labor, and could easily
have risen in rebellion at what seemed
a gratuitous insult to his well-known
principles But he said to himself that
the responsibility for his assignment
to the task rested with the major, but
the responsibility for the way In which
he performed his duty was his own.
SO he took up the unpleasant work
amid not little curiosity on the part
of his comrades concerning the way in
which he would obey the majors or
derk
The Nezperce herald. (Nezperce, Idaho) 1900-1957, 1904-09-15

water Is 'over your head and hands"
we have agreed TO bar. How shall
We go at II gently and reasonably IN
tell you. Begin In still water. Wade
out until your shoulders are covered.
There's no use pudding and psltering
with any less. Squat little. and get
yourself wet all over. Now your
pinch" Is over. Get your breath. and
let's talk 4 while Don't imagine you
are drowning when the water gets
into your ears II Is not 80 terrible as
IL sounds Even II little Stops into
your nose. II Is silly TO make fuss
IL won't hurt you IL takes a lot OF
water TO drown a person. and you will
soon learn 10 eject what gets into the
nose without having TO stop swim
ming. Wade out just little further
until IL Is up 10 your chin Lift your
chest. and keep II expanded. breathing
with the abdominal muscles as II you
were singing. Stretch your arms out
10 form the letter +. Hollow Ia your
back and stinen your spinal column
as II you were a person OF some i'm
portanee. Lean your head back until
Only a little patch around your nose
and shut mouth Is out OF the water.
Lie back. There You are floating.
II now you gently paddle with your
hands you are swimming -woman's
Home Compa nion.
The Nezperce herald. (Nezperce, Idaho) 1900-1957, 1904-09-15

silver threads and Different shades Of
gray silk Ths faSt 10 Of tho palsst
po~zibis shade OF gray MORE. with
large silver button~. and The lace friils
are Of whit- lace. having the heavier
part Of tho pattern outlined with a ain.
ri. line Of silver thread. The darn
gray bat 10 trimmed with pearl gray
plums.. aud p~ari-eoiorri gloves match
Ing the shade Of tho moirs rest aud
tho plum~s srs worn.
2. Afternoon gown OF msurr crepe
do chine and yellow lace. The bouii.
lon-.s are Of mauve ehlron. and tho
lace yoks. noune~s and sleeve friiis arc
OF yellow laer. The toqus has a crown
OF mauvs straw. and tho brim Ia a
solid ina. Of inc yellow violsts. sith
a spray Of purple viol.,s At one sldr Of
the back
The Nezperce herald. (Nezperce, Idaho) 1900-1957, 1904-09-15
EAfDITORIALS|
OPINIONS OF GREAT PAPERS ON IMPORTANT SUBJECTS

lions Indeed. IT pretty well known the Japanese
well to the of the world that Russas treasury
was In an extremely bad the time declared
But the 100000 day is. after ALL only a small part
or the bills Russia has to face Her losses of bateshps
have meant the destruction of hundreds of millions of dol
lars worth of property that be replaced and the
prospective capture of her great towns with their
ments must make the Cars heart sick.
Considered as plain business proposition the with
Japan does not seem to be good investment Even
though Russia should win at last she will have defend
her possessions extensively than and how
years Of ownership Of Manchurs will be required
up her lossesroChicsgo Journal
The Nezperce herald. (Nezperce, Idaho) 1900-1957, 1904-09-15
Wrong Diagnosis.

Doctor-Your habits appear to be
sedentary. What Is your occupation.
Patient-Bookkeeper.
Doctor-Ahl thought 30. Now,
you should take long walk every
night after your work Ia done.
PATIENT think that's what made
me sick. I've been up nearly every
night for a week with the baby
Philadelphia Ledger.
The Nezperce herald. (Nezperce, Idaho) 1900-1957, 1904-09-15


conviction that the only OF the who drive
racing machines gaol Is that they conspicuous
In generally the possession of good deal Of
money. The average man would term behind the
IL he caused the needless and danger and
damage which these do.
But II this is true where Is the practical equality before
the OF which have boosted for And without
that what becomes of the basis OF system popular
government?
1t Is not merely In the matter OF sport that the change
has Ii Is commonly observed that II Is almost I'M
possible to punish individuals corporations OF certain
prominence for onenses Between the complaint and
the exacon OF the penalty there is almost always
Of for these people although there would be
for smaller fry The exceptions Just about enough
prove the rule.
1t Is less clear perception Of the fact which
much Of the discomfort which existing in ignorant
takes and unreasonable FORMS but the
less founded in certain degree OF justice and which
wiser leads to apprehension of the future
less bring about general regard for sound
principles Of justice and for the authority Of law against
one exactly as against another.-Hartford Times
The Nezperce herald. (Nezperce, Idaho) 1900-1957, 1904-09-15
Waves OF PessirnIsm.

Pessimism always exists, but It
comes in waves, and a wave Of this
kind is just now sweeping over the
world. Anyone who will take the trou-
BILE to look over the magazine and
files will find half dozen
times In the last 20 years when we
The Nezperce herald. (Nezperce, Idaho) 1900-1957, 1904-09-15
Mechanism OF Gasoline Engine.

1t can be understood to what a nice
ty the mechanism OF gasoline engine
Is adjusted when 1t is stated that to
make 1000 revolutions a minute means
that In four-cycle engine there are
800 sprays Of gasoline forced into the
cylinder, 500 times the electric battery
makes a spark and 800 times the es-
cape valve is opened to let the gas out.
The Nezperce herald. (Nezperce, Idaho) 1900-1957, 1904-09-15
Afternoon Costumes

I. Modified DireetOirs costume OF
chiffon aud liberty silk. The skirt 10
pale gray chiffon. with pun Of the
chiffon headed by folds OF darker gray
liberty satin. The liberty satin coat IL
border~d with gray embroidery done In
The Nezperce herald. (Nezperce, Idaho) 1900-1957, 1904-09-15


Rhubarb ls an src.ilsut blood pun.
Der.
4, is .aid that spplss will relieve
s.asicknsss
Lemon juice will r~moVs tartar from
the teeth.
~ the feet are trrd take . warm
foot bath. There IL nothing quits %
efficacious for tired nerves
Ten to twelve drups OF tincsur- OF
csmphor In q lumber Of water makes
a good wash for the teeth.
Iodine IL excellent TO cure bunions.
Use Il AZ often as possible ~ifbou,
blIsterinx Wear oil silk on the spot
during the day.
Piums. peaches. raspberies and ap-
ricots have less sugar than other
fruits. and ars not harmful to thoss
to whom sugar IL Injurious.
The astringsnt properties Of tn.
pomsgranats are particularly helpful
to singers and speaker. who suffer
with relaxed muscles Of the throat aud
uvula.
Even the ordinary woman. In these
days. understands that the toilet Of
lady is incomplete without a touch OF
face powder. and that II Is protec-
ton. covering the pores and prevent
Ing the dirt and dust Of the streets
from lodging in the skin.