Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1904-04-01

But the engine was proud
And cut him-yes, cut him in two!
(All rights reserved.)
What is the difference between
fur and fir?" inquired the cat of the
pine tree. "The difference between
"a and i replied the pine tree. And
his rugged sides split as he spoke, and
the turpentine oozed out in joyous
streams.
Every year "the oldest inh abitant"
comes to the surface with his budget
OF weather prophesies. After years OF
observation, we are satisfied that the
oldest inhabitant knows no more
about weather signs than hog knows
about heaven.
1t has been contended by some
railroad passengers that fast trains are
no more subject to disaster than trai ms
running at an average speed. The re.
cent numerous railroad wrecks cont
dict that theory. They have occurred
with the fastest trains.
Under the spreading blacksmith tree
The village chestnut stands,
The boy stood on the burning deck,
And quietly wrung his hands.
Thus, lives Of great men all remind us,
We may make our lives sublime,
And, departing, leave behind us
Bills we could not pay in time.
Great excitement has been caused
in Guthrie, Okla, owing to an in
genious idea which has struck a di.
rectory writer of that town. This
gentleman has placed a star against
the names OF all the married men. and
now every girl in Oklahoma possesses
. copy.
First Union Workman-"W What's it
say, Bill, on the old sun.dial"
Second Union Workman (reading
deliberately)-"It 1t says, DO to-day's
work today"
First Union Workman-"D two
days work to-day! Well, 1 guess not.
Not mel"
The Pullman Car Co. cay that the
passenger taking the Pullman has
thirty-six chances of finishing his
journey in safety against one chance OF
the person who enters q day coach.
The moral OF this is, that when you
travel, if you are wise, you will pay
the extra fair and ride in sleeper.
The conversation was overheard in
Olympia not long ago:
How do you like Faust"
"Ol I like it immensely. You
know Jack is so fond of Shakespeare e
plays"
This reminds one OF the would be
literary young lady who was asked
which OF Scott's novels she liked best
Scott's Ivanhoe,". Scott's "Talis.
man." or Scott's Emulsion" and
instantly decided in favor of the last.
1t was Josh Billings who said: ell
. M an wants to 60 through the world
and please everybody he must traveI
on back road"; TO which we add, OF
he must sit on the fence in regard tc
every important question and duty and
say, "Good Lord, Good Devil" &c
everybody. There are a great many
of that sort of people in Olympia
whenever a dollar. is involved, that
would not dare to express an opinion
that might hazard the dollar.
They we're talking Of figures o
speech. "Have you ever noticed,
said one, chow fond people are o.
vegetables metaphors when they are
dealing with woman? Her cheeks
are roses her lips are cherry, hel
hands are always lilly white, hel
mouth is rose.bud,' her complexion
is like a peach and her breath is al
fragrant as honeysuckle.'" Then the
mean" man said, You've forgotten
one." What's that?"
Her tongue-it is scarlet run
ner." Then they ordered liquid re
freshments.
DR.. Charles A. Briggs, who wa'
tried for religious heresy few year,
ago, is in trouble again. The docto
is professor in the Union Theologica
Seminary, New York, and George Nc
NulIouuh Millar prosidant of thl