The Birmingham age-herald., 1904-08-07

By F. P Dunne. Copyrighted, 1904,
 by Mcclure, Phillips & Co)
 Dye know" said MT. Henessy, Eye can go firm Chicago to New York in twinty hours? It must be like flyin'."
 Its something like flyin',' said MT. Dooley. ''but it's also like rallin' off a roof or bein' clubbed be polsman.p
 Its wonderful how luxhurious mod hern thravel is," said MT. Hennessy.
 "Oh, wondherful," said M. Dooley~ Its almost a dhream Ye go to bed at night in Kansas City an ye ar-re still awake in Chicago in tn moTnin'. Ye lave New York to-day an nex Thurs dah ye ar-re in San Francisco an can't get back An all tn toime ye injye such comforts an iligance as wud make tn Shah iv Persha invious if he heerd iv thim. l havn't thravelled much since l hastily put four thousan miles iv salt wather an smilin' land between me an th' constabulary but I've always wanted to fly through space on wan iv thim palace cars with tn beautiful names. Tn man that names tn Pullman cars an tn pa-aper collars iv this counthry is our greatest pote, whoiver he is. cud see mesilf steppin aboard a palace on wheels called Cbulula or OnarlIa an bein III tQ IT III wan 0tliOA Nc1po Np oAiONAASAs So las month whin towny " mine in Saint Looey asked me down there l de- termined to make tn plunge. With tn invitation come a fine conservative art1- cle be tn gin'ral passenger agent lndlV- rim, Hennessy, to give a faint tdee " tn glories of tn thrip. There was pitch CTS in this little pome showin how tn thrain looked to tn passenger agent. Illigantly dhressed ladies an gintlemen
 44.t aI.r .l-n lcfa or sthrolled through the bhrcad aisles. Pierpont Morgan was disclosed in cor ner dietatin' a letter to Andhrew Car naygia In the barber shop lawn D. Rockyfeller was bein shaved, In tn smokin car we cud see crowd W 1olly men playin' poker; near by sat three wags tellin comic stories while nay gur waiter dashed to an fro an pushed mint juleps into tn fash'nable comp ny. Says i to meslf: Here is life. They Il have to dhrag ne fr'm that rollin' home iv bliss feet foremost says l. An wint boundin' down to the deepo. l slung four dollars at tn prisidint iv tn road whin he had concluded some important business with his nails an he sung back a yard iv green paper by which l sur rindered me rights as an American clt- izen With this here deed in me hand, I wint through a line of naughty gintle- HIGH III ullglb bAAi dA WeNaA 0@NN- -- looked at tn ticket an punched hole in it. Whin I got to tn thrain tn last iv these gr-reat men says: Have ye got ticket? I had says I. This porous plasther was a ticket three min yits agor Get aboard says he, givin' me a short, frirdly Kick an in minyit 1 found meslf amid scene iv oryental splendhor an no place to put me grip sack
 T sntud dhrinkin' in tn glories iv tn scene ontil n proud man who cud qualify on color fir all his meals at tn white house come up an ordhered me to bed. Fond as I am iv tn colored man, Hen messy. I wud sometimes wish that tn summer styles in Pullman porters was more light and airy. It is thrue that tn naygur porter is more durable an doesn't show tn dhirt but on tn other hand, he shows tn heat more. Where says I, do I sleep? I don know where ye sleep, cap says he, bit ye'er ticket reads f'r an upper berth I wud pre- fer a thrape1e, says l. but If. yell call cut tn fire department, maybe they can help me in,' l says At that time he 1rodooeed a scaling laddher an tn tbrain go.n around cure at that min yit. I soon found mesilf on me hands an knees in wan iv tn cosiest little upstairs rooms ye iver saw. He dhrew tn curtains an so will l. But some day whin I am down town am goin to dnrop