The Alaska prospector., 1904-03-10
COLLAR PHILOSOPHY

mind if it is desired to render just opinion on Eeir merits and demerits, and the subject of collars Is assuredly no exception to this rule. At the same time 1t must be admitted that the only proper way to discuss this subject Is first to remove it-a somewhat paradoxieal statement, but perfectly clear to all wao affect collars and are aware of their tendency 10 initiate one ii one Is at all neat ed, as may naturally be expected in debate. Thus the collar, if retained, would become one of the strongest arguments against it. self.
 | Therefore, we will remove our collar and plunge at once into discussion of the req sons for its existence, its good points and its shortcomings, and i;s ultimate fate, and enGeavor, if possible, to decide whether the world would be any happier or brighter for the abolition of collars, or whether collars per SC have added to the gsyety of nations. | TAe exact time when collars were first worn cannot be set down with any degree of certainty, but 1t is reasonable to assume | that tacy came into being for utiliiarian rstaer tean for ornamental purposes It is wcI known tsa: the collars O. our medie- val ant testors were substaniial enough to ! protect the threat from Inc swords aud bikes ot beliigerent acquaiutances. and It is 10 be eonjectured that the immediate forbears of | the modern collar had an equally useful if not SO strenuous an origin. As a matter of fact. thea, 1t would appear a; first glance that tde collar of to-day is but a degenerate descendant oi such weighty progeuiiors; but a survey of the uses to which collars are now put should convince one that the plain linen band has grounds for existence equally well based vita those of its great-great- great very great-grandparsnts.
 | In the first place, collars serve to overcome the shortcomings of nature. A six inch neck with protrudng Adams apple could never hope to get on in the world unassisted by a collar. Such neck would be simply im- possible. Similarly a one-inch neck with c four-ply chin. Some of our greate finan- ciers and most astute statesmen would be wallowing in sloushs of despond tos.ay were 1t not for the ubiquitous collar. Hence the variety of collars, and hence the nc cessity for keeping ones neck well groomed. The farmers boys who achieve national fame doubtless owe much to the collar they donped when they entered upon an urban career. The rich mems sons who waste their talents and meander through life mon- uments to failure may justly attribute many of their errors to an ill-advised selection of collars. Everything has . place and every neck has collar, but not any collar.
 | Again, collars are hygienie in the extreme. This may not appear true on the surface, but may safely be stated in view of the weird discoveries that the medical gentle men are now making. We live in a world of germs. The food we eat, the water we drink. the very air we breathe are all laden with insidious, wicked and deathdealing or ganisms of less than atomic corporeality but more than monstrous activity. Everything with waich we come into contact is germ laden, the wise men of the mortar |, J us. Througa the very pores of our skin death blows are delivered. Now, the neck is one of tine weakext parts of the human body, and at the same time is one of tine most impor- tant parts. Ire collar guards the neck against the satanic germ. Eureka. new reason for wearing collars is discovered.
 Still further, collars form an index to the progress of a nation. The peoples who wear collars are incomparably further ad- vanced than the peoples who leave their necks as nature provided them. Even the savagss who string beads into . species of collar are on . higher intellectual plane than their fellow savages who do not run to beads. In our own coun- try a striking example of the importance of collars iron a national standpoint is af- | forded by the Chinese exclusion act Do you | think We would ever nave excluded tfe Chi nese if trey wore collars! But spread the news not abroad. Slould the beni2hted laundrymen of Chinatown ever learn ttat all taeir fellow count-ymen reed do in oi Ger to get an entrance into this Geiec ble king dom is to don collars. the well-laid plans of congress would be asey forever, Our collar makers would dai e merry nirg. but the rest of t.e nation would pay the plper.
 In truth. collars have tseir s! 0, teomings, too. We have already hinted at one fault the tendency to -irrtate one wsen one is hea ed-and we nave obviated tiis iau,., for ihe present, by removing our collar. But l tfere are times when t.e collar tannot with l pgopr;e.y be removed. Suct oc asions are multiplying daily with the ever-inerea,ing variei:' of parlor games being plaeea on tae market by enterprisins dealers. \ pirs pong enthusiast, for example, mrsi feel wor ed when he is called upon 70 dsp',y isskiil al a social gathering. How would like to rip that band of liner frJ Tn lis reck. but he durst not violate the econventionalitles. And his opponent. chubh, faced colls ge youth with comfortable turn down c,l'aF. CT a l sporting dominic with queer, sinbhy. lilie l iurn-up, grins at hinl comfortably. .i.e te, | psrsririrg in his ridiculous but iasn ionstle caoker, makes ludierous and feeble sitem.ts to drive, cut or kill the tiny oe.luoit .p ere.
 Moreover, if it were not for collars we would not be cursed with collar buttons. those imps of mischief who delight to f,olic in most unexpected quarter. waile tLei- sg- griev,i owner is hunting for them on ach- ing knee. But there-eyeryone will be sat sied with a mere hint at that line of argu- ment The subJect IS dIstasteIul to a we'll regulated mind, and the morbid should never be encouraged.
 Taking all things into consideration. the problem presented by the collar is ore that every mar stonld solve for himself. It sim ply means ilat the eJllarless man is likely to have muci psysica; eomio., but possibly nothing of worldly success. VI ile tie collar wearing individual will probably have ricaes, honor and advancement thrust upon him, but certainly none of the physica! en- joymenrs attendant upon the existence led by the other fellow. Which do you pre- fer? Just think bit about it.-N. Y. Tmss.
 The 0lA Aan's Advantages.
 A man past 50 can do with less slsep than younger men. He can endure greater