davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1904-06-24
Humorous department.

THE BDaGAR's WATCH.-Dr. Edward
Everett Hale, who Is advocating a pen
sion Of 81 a week for all INDECENT men
Of 65 or more, who have paid poll tax
for 25 years, is foe to the professional
beggar, says an exchange.
1.-The professional beggar is nearly
always bad man, a hypocrite,
sham," he said the other day. Did
you ever notice how many stories
there are about professional beggars'
frauds? Where there is smoke there
is usually fire, and am convinced that
more than a little truth is contained
in some Of these stories.
"A veteran pensioner told me the
other day that in his boyhood he had
come upon a blind beggar on coun-
try road.
He dropped coin in the beggar's
cup, and then he entered into a con-
versation with the man on the beg
ging trade. Finally, he said:
"'Sitting here like this, how do you
tell when it is time for you to go
homer
"'By the heat of the sum- the blind
man answered.
"'But suppose the sun is clouded"
1.-The beggar smiled.
"'Then,' he said, creep behind a
bush and take a peep at my watch "
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1904-06-24

TAKING THE FARMER DowN.-A cou-
pie Of individuals were recently gazing
with admiration at fine fat beast at
a cattle show.
II wonder what his weight might
be?" observed one Of them, who, as 1t
happened, was a cockney without any
special knowledge.
Its easy enough to guess pretty
nigh it," said the other man, stall
wart farmer, looking with some con-
tempt at his companion.
"Oh, WELL" said the cockney, II think
i could guess as near as you can"
Gould We now?" roared the farmer.
"Well, I'll bet ye sovereign ye can't"
"Done!" returned the cockney. How
much did you say?"
After critical survey the farmer re-
piled:
"a hundred and seventeen stones"
"well," said the cockney, "Tll say a
hundred and seventeen stones, too, so
hand over the money"
What dye mean"
well, I said I'd guess as near as
you and I've done so. I've guessed
exactly the same"
And the bystanders taking his part,
the bumptious farmer had to give him
the money.-Tid-Bits.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1904-06-24

BARON RoTHSCHLD's DIALECT JOKE
Owen Wister, the novelist, was talk
ing about puns, says the Baltimore
Herald. Il detest puns," he said, but
Fanny Kemble, who was my grand
mother. used to tell one made by a
certain Baron Rothschild that was
good of it's kind.
1.-The Baron was dining out, and some
one spoke Of venison.
a. said the Baron, 'neviar casts
venisohn. I think it ish not so coot
ash mutton
"'Oh. absurd some one exclaimed.
If mutton is better than venison, why
isn't it more expensive?'
"The baron laughed, overcome by
the brilliancy of the pun that had just
come to him. Then he said, and his
dialect came in very handy:
1.-The reason why venison ish more
expensive than mutton ish that the
people always prefer vat ish deer to
vat ish sheep"
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1904-06-24

FABLE OF THE JUDGE-A traveller
stopped at the gate of fine country
mansion, says an exchange, and said
to a grave looking person smoking on
the porch:
"Sir, will you be good enough to tell
me if this is the road to Cowburg?"
1T is," was the reply.
And may inquire the distance?"
"Ten miles,"
The traveller thanked him and pass
ed on. Several hours later he returned
and the grave looking person was still
there, smoking.
Sir" said the traveller, "you must
be aware that eight miles from here
on the Cowburg road is a river which
it is impossible to swim and which has
neither ford, ferry nor bridge. Why
did you not tell me?'
1.-The matter was not before me-" re-
piled the other. "As to your ability to
cross the river, l was entirely willing
to hear argument"
The grave looking man was judge.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1904-06-24

der the direction Of the Bartletts, will
include Spain, Italy, Switzerland, Ger
many, Holland, Belgium, France, Eng
land and Scotland. About three
months will be spent in touring these
countries. .. Two changes were made
in the Southern's passenger schedule
Sunday. No. SO comes at 8.35 in
stead Of 9.O4 and No. 35 comes at 10.55
instead of 1914 p. That train
No. II on the Southern is to carry mail
again after the first Of July is good
news. 1t gives the public along the
line another mail day each way and
will be a good thing for the local SER
vice. -. Much interest is being man.
ifested in the A. R. P. Summer Bible
conference in session at Jones Semina-
ry. The services on Sabbath were very
largely attended by people from the
Pisgah neighborhood and from Casio
mia. Rev. ]. G. Dale Of Rio Verde
Mexico, delivered the conference SER
mon at II a. m., taking for his subject
"Christ's Trumpet Call to the Church.
Mr.. Dale also spoke at the Sabbath
evening service on "Our Foreign Mis-
sion Work" A missionary himself, Mr.
Dale is thoroughly imbued with the
magnitude and gloriousness Of the work
and tells in convincing language of the
church's great progress and opportuni-
- -, 1T hr1n Tn hn
Rev. J. H. Pressly, who was on the
program to speak yesterday morning
Mr.. Dale delivered an address on his
recent trip to Jerusalem. The Bible
lectures of Mr.. S. D. Gordon of Cleve-
land, Ohio, are among the most inter-
esting features of the conference. His
talks Sunday and yesterday on why
the desired results Of prayer often fail
and "Why the results Of prayer are
often delayed" were especially interest
ing. Mr.. Gordon is known as one OF
the most profound Bible scholars In
the United States. 80. AT his home or
Franklin avenue Sunday morning al
9 o'clock, Mr.. John Franklin Wilson
one of Gastonia's oldest and most high
ly respected citizens, passed peaceful
ly away after an illness of seven weeks
Death was due to gangrene, which at
tackled him in the left leg as the resul,
of stroke of paralysis. His death
though not unexpected, came as mat
ter Of keen regret to many friends In
Gastonia and elsewhere in the county
The funeral was held in the A. R. P
church, Of which he had long been
member, yesterday morning at IL
o'clock. DIR. J. C. Galloway, the pastor
conducted the services, after which the
body was inferred in the city cemetery
by the side of his three children who
sleep there. The pail bearers were
Messrs. S. N. Boyce. John F. Bradley
.Tohn Lindsay, Ed Whitesides, ]. Y
Miller and ]. P. Reid. The deceased
was in the seventy second year Of his
age, having been born July Is, 1882, ir
the Begonia section where the larger
portion Of his life was spent. With
the exception of four years spent al
Maiden and two years in Arkansas, he
had lived his entire life in Castor
county. Four years ago he moved tc
Gastonia and during that time he made
for himself many friends, to whom his
death comes as q distinct loss.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1904-06-24
VALUABLE RULES.
For consumptives Adopted by tho New
York Board Of AeaIfh

L
York Board Of Health.
Never sleep or stay in hot or close
room.
Keep at least one window open in
your bedroom.
| Have room to yourself II possible;
If not, be sure to have your own bed.
Avoid draughts, dampness, dust or
smoke; dust and smoke are worse for
you than rain and snow.
When indoors remain in the sunniest
and best ventilated room-preferably
without carpet.
Don't wear chest protectors.
Keep your feet dry and warm.
Go to bed early and sleep at least
eight hours.
If you have to work take every
chance to rest that you can.
Take half an hours rest on the bed
before and after the principal meals.
Avoid eating when bodily or mentally
tired, or when in state Of nervous ex-
citement.
Eat plenty of good and wholesome
food. Besides your regular meals take
quart Of milk daily, from three to six
fresh eggs and plenty Of butter and
sugar.
Keep your teeth in good condition;
use toothbrush after every meal.
Do not smoke, and do not drink IL
quor, wine or beer, except by special
permission.
Drink plenty Of good pure water be-
tween meals.
If you are too i'll to come to the clinic
send word. Improvement does not
mean cure: therefore continue to come
to the clinic as long as you are directed
to do so.
Do not talk to any one about your
disease except your physician and
nurse.
Do not kiss any one upon the mouth.
Shave your beard or wear it closely
clipped.
In the treatment Of your disease fresh
air, good food and a proper mode Of
life are more important than medicine.
Stay in the open air as long as you
can IL possible in the park, woods or
fields.
Do not be afraid Of cold.
Be hopeful and cheerful, for your
disease can be cured, although 1t will
take some time.
Carefully obey your physicians in
structions.-New York World.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1904-06-24

S8' The top Of the cauldron Is more
likely to be scum than cream.
AZ Finding flaws in the sermon Is
easier than following 1t, any day.
ar In fotty-nine countries the Saliva
ton army now has $500 separate So
cieties, $4,000 paid officers, 451,730 un-
paid officers and 17,170 bandmen.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1904-06-24

8N Egotists haven't much to boast Of.
.sdT 1t is easier to get poor wife than
a good cook.
SB' A woman's idea of nice quiet rest
from business for her husband Is a
chance for him to NOW the lawn all
day.
fS' It takes a pretty hot lie to blis-
ter a woman's tongue If she Is brag-
ging about the smart things her chill
dren say.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1904-06-24
No. 1856, Southbound-Marion to Rock
HiIl-Daily.

No. 1856. leaves BIacksburg, south
bound, after arrival of No. 40 from At.
lanta, and connects at Rock Hill with
No. 29 for Columbia.
For further information apply to any
Agent Of the Southern Railway, or to
ROBT. w. HUNT, Division Passenger
Agent, Charleston, or to BROOKS
MORGAN, A. G. P. A., Atlanta, Ga.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1904-06-24
HOW OLD JOHN PLAYED POKER
An Aged Indian With System That
Surprised the Lumbermen.

Kah-b be nung gway-way, better known
as "Old John Smith," is probably the on.
ly Indian in the United States that could be
classed as humorist. John is the wit
of the Chippewa Nation, and among the
white people of northern Minnesota is
considered the wisest and the foxiest red
in the country. John is somewhere in
the neighborhood of 80 or 100.
Johns home, at the mouth of Leech Riv'
or, has long been known as "Gamblers'
Point" for the reason that many desper.
ate contests at the great national game
have been played in Johns cabin, on the
bank of the river. His place became
famous in the early days, as an abiding
place during the hot summer for many
lumbermen from Minneapolis, Duluth
and other places who desired to have an
outing. Their principal occupation while
in the vicinity of Johns home was pOk er
playing. In spirit Of kindness they
taught him to play, when they first came
and he used to sit in the games with them
If his guests won, they would give the
money back to John, believing that be
was unacquainted with the game and tc
keep the money would be nothing short
of robbery. 1t invariably happened that
John was always the winner when the
guests got ready to depart.
1t was some years before the truth Of
Johns knowledge of the cards became
known. 1t appears that he knew all about
poker and had some original tricks that
were sure winners. He possessed an old
deerskin tobacco pouch and when play
ing would always sit with the pouch be-
tween his knees. When the time came to
fill hands, John would evince an insati-
able desire to smoke and would dive into
the sack and replenish his pipe. Invaria'
bly,, after filling his pipe he would lay
down the winning hand and take the pot.
This went on for many years, until finally
John could not stand the humorous
side of his little game, and he told the
boys one day how he did it. Inside the
tobacco pouch was whole deck of cards
and when he wanted a good hand he
would fill his pipe and incidentally his
hand.-Duluth Daily Herald.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1904-06-24
No. 1876, Northbound-Roek Hill to
Marion-naiIv

No. 1856 connects at BIaeksburg with
trains both north and south.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1904-06-24
No. 113, Observation-Disclosures to
Blacksburu-DaiIy,

No. 113 connects at Blaeksburg with
Trains Nos. 1888 and 40 for Charlotte
and Washington.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1904-06-24
SOUTHERN RAILWAY
No. ia, -sIaeksburs to
Hbartes%on-nailv
HEpULES.

No. ia leaves BIacksburs after ar.
rival of No. SO from Atlanta.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1904-06-24

In Albay, where the big hemp PLAN
tations are, was formerly a desperate
and dangerous band of twenty or more
robbers. who for fifteen years serious
ly interfered with the prosperity OF the
province and have cost the hemp plant
ers several millions Of dollars in
crops burned, In the destruction or
houses and warehouses, by the inter-
ference with labor, and by blackmail
and looting. Their plan was to seize
a rich planter and hold him for ran
som. If their demands were not COM
piled with promptly they would burn
the hemp in his fields. If that did not
bring the money, they would set hre
to the buildings on his plantation, and
ultimately destroy the entire property
piece by piece, until the victim yield
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1904-12-02
PhiIomath City Election.

Philomath. will have a city
election next Monday. There
are two tickets out and an inter-
esting time is expected. Henry
Amber, the present mayor who
is filling Mr.. Burnap's unexpired
term, has given splendid isatisfac-
tion and many are disappointed
that he has refused to be a can
didate for reelection. In ac-
cordance with his duty in the
matter, however, he called for a
caucus last Friday night, and the
following ticket was nominated:
Mayor, w. 7. Bryson; recorder,
w. T. Boles; treasurer, ]. E.
Henkle; marshal, D. Davis;
councilmen for first ward, Guy
Frink, R. E. Pugh; second
ward, c. Davis, G. A. Scott;
third ward, G. A. Morris aud w.
A. Jolly.
Saturday night following the
regular caucus, the Citizens
League met and nominated the
following ticket: Mayor, S. 0.
Watkins; recorder, A. G. Wright
treasurer, J. E. Henkle; marshal,
A. E. Taylor; councilmen for
first ward, Guy Frink, Ernest
Castle; second ward, o. V. White,
G. A. Scott; third ward, G. A.
Bennett and W. A. Jolly.
The difference between the
two factions is largely one of the
personnel composing the two
tickets, and the best men regard
less of party affiliations will very
likely win.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1904-12-02

II S. Woolcock's mother of Sa-
len. g visiting at his home in this
city this week.
Mr. and Mrs S Haudsaker r.
turned yesterday from Pnk county
and after visiting their son. Rev
7. S. Handsaker and family, few
daye, will return TO their home at
Eugene.
The supper given in their hal
Wednesday evening by the iadies ,f
the w R C was highly succt tssful
. fair in every particular. Mrs.
ID: c. Rose, was the presiding oef-
Ger ef the eve, ing tieneral Thorp
made the rratlon If the evening,
followed by short Ia ks al d a,,eo-
dots by Revs. Handsaker and
Feese. An elegant supper WAS
served, aud all enjoyed thense!v, $
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1904-12-02
The Silver Cups.

Three beautiful silver cups, to
be awarded at the coming poul-
try show, are on display, one
each in the show windows of S.
L. Kline, Nolan & Callahan, and
E. P. Greffoz, and still another
cup is on the way from the East.
The Association Cup" will be
awarded by the Corvallis Poultry
Association for the highest scor-
ing birds in the show. The
presidents Cup' will be award
ed by President B. w. Johnson
for the best pen of chickens in
the show. A pen consists of a
male aud four females and may
be won by any variety of stand
ard bred poultry. This is a
handsome $40 silver cup, and
will be valuable trophy to the
lucky winner. The awarding OF
the same will be done by the
Judge. The s'Citizens Cup"
will be awarded for the best COL
lection, which consists OF cock,
cockerel, hen and pullet of any
one variety. The American Bug
Leghorn Club will also glen av
handsome silver cup on Buff
Leghorns.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1904-12-02

Exhibitors Of Oregon prunes
at st. Louis Exhibition cooked
the prunes according to the best
methods and gave them to visit
ors to test by actually eating the
Oregon prunes. Since the peo-
pie have returned to their homes
they have searched the home
grocery stores to find Oregon
prunes for use on their tables
without success. Numerous let
ters received by those interested
in the prune industry in Oregon
contain inquiries as to how and
where the prunes can be had.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1904-12-02
WINTER EXCURSION RATES
TO YAQUINA BAY.
A New Departure on the Southern
Pacific and the Corvallis
s. Eastern Railroads.

Recognizing long felt want, and de-
string to give the public cheap rates to
the coast in the winter as well as the
summer, for persons who desire to see
the bounding pillows in their widest
moods and imbibe thE pure ozene of
the winter air at the coast, the Southern
Pacific Company in connection with the
Corvallis & Eastern Railroad have plac-
ed on sale, taking effect Nov. 2, 1904,
and continuing uuti1 March 81, 1905,
frt m all points on their lines, round trip
tickets to Yaquina at the same rate as
during the summer. These tickets will
be sold on Wednesdays and Saturdays
only and will be good for return sixty
days from date of sale.
DIR. Minthorn's sanitary baths will be
i'll operation and anyone who desires
genuine health resort during the winter
cannot do better than spend month or
SO at Yaquina.
Similar tickets will be sold from AL
bany, Corvallis, Philomath and all points
west on the Corvallis & Eastern R. r.
Full information as to rates. baggage,
etc., can be obtained by applying to the
n S. Pnt or direct from W. e.
Conan, G. P. A., S. P. Portland, or
Edwin Stone, manager, G. & E. r. r.
Co., Albany.
P. S.-Through tickets to Portland
are sold by the G. & IL. at Corvallis and
by the S. p, Po.tland to Corvallis via
Albany and the @. & E. at the some
rate as via the west side, viz: $3.50. C.
& E. trains connect at Albany with the
A lbany-Portland local both ways.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1904-12-02

Idaho women have shown their
interest in the Lewis and Clark
Centennial by voting to move
$1,000 worth of fine furniture,
purchased by the federation Of
women's clubs, from the Idaho
building at the ST. Louis Worlds
Fair, to Portland. In case Idaho
should not have building at the
Centennial, they will offer the
furniture for use in the general
reception rooms set aside for
women in the Oregon building.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1904-12-02
What Shall |
Get for Xmas?

Well, we can solve the problem for
you if you will come in and examine our
line of holiday goods. for we certainly
have lire that will satisfy the most
fastideous. Our stock consists of Toilet
Sets, Autograph and Photo Albums, La
dies Shopping Bags and Purses, Music
Rolls, Picture Books. A B G Blocks and
Games. Combination Game Boards, etc.
We also have very fine line of Sta
tia merry, all the late books of fiction at
Is cents up. an elegant line of Bible and
Burnt Leather Books at prices that are
riget. We haue also added very fine
line of Violins, Mandolins, Banjos, Gui-
tars, Bccordeons, Harmonicas, etc.
Courteous treatment to all.
GRAHAM & WELLS.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1904-12-02
Notice for Publication.

United States Land Office,
Oregon City, Oregon, November 25. 1904.
Notice is hereby given that in compliance with the
provisions of the act of Congress of June g. 1875
titled can act for the sale of timber lands in the
States Of California, Oregon, Nevada, and Washing
ton Territory" as extended to all the Public Land
States by act of August 4, 1892,
IvAH SHERWOOD PATTY,
Of Corvallis county of Benton, state of Oregon, has
this day filed in this Office her sworn statement No
6527, for the purchase of the st Of ST of Sec
26, in Township los, R W, and will offer proof
to show that the land sought is valuable fer its
lumber stone than for agricultural purposes, and
to establish her claim to said land before the Reg
lister and Receiver of this office at Oregon City, Ore
gon, on Thursday, the 10Th day Of February, 1905.
She names as witnesses: Willard L. Price Of
Kings Valley Or; Taylor Miller of Suver, Or, Bruce
Miller, Of Kings Valley, Or, John Chambers, of
Kings Valley, Oregon.
Any and ali persons claiming adversely the above
described lands requested to file their claims in
this office before said 10th day of Feb 1905.
ALGERNON S. DRESSER,
Register
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1904-12-02

President Roosevelt and party
made a flying trip across the
country to visit the St. Louis Ex-
position. He made numerous
speeches delivering them from
the rear platform of the cars dur
ing the trip. The president was
greeted everywhere with large
and enthusiastic crowds. It is
said that 1000 secret service men
will guard the Presidents safety
while in St. Louis.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1904-12-02
Offers Wanted.

Offers of the price buyers will pay for
the following described lots and blocks
in Corvallis, Oregon,ss will be received in
writing:
Block 5, Wilkins Addition.
Block 18, Wilkins Addition.
Loi 7, s. 9. 10, II, II, block II, Will
kins Addition.
Block 28, Jobs Addition.
Lot l. 2, 4, Fractional block A, Jobs
Addition.
Lots 5, 6, Z. s, 8, 10, 13, IA, block 10,
Jobs Addition.
Lots z, s, Jobs Addition.
Address, M. S. WooDcoCK,
Corvallis, Oregon.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1904-12-02

Several leading Democrats
from as many different states
met in consultation since the
severe frosts of last Presidential
election and they unanimously
decided that they desired to re-
turn as followers of Bryan and
his peculiar doctrines.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1904-12-02
A Frightened Horse,

Running like mad down the street
dumping the occupants, or hundred
other accidents, are every day occurring.
It behooves everybody to have reliable
salve handy, and there's none as good as
Bucklen's Arnica Salve. Burns, cuts,
sores, eczema and piles, disappear quick
ly under its soothing effect. Twenty
FIVE cents at Allen & Woodward's drug
etore.