The daily palladium. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1904-1905, 1904-06-21
Mrs. SMimbIadder
IOriginal.]

say that one important part Of liter
airy makeup is knowledge of human
nature; that another is a faculty for
noting real circumstances illustrative
of common idiosyncrasies and weaving
them into literary work. That may be,
but there's lot of risk in it. People
love to read about their neighbors' fol- |
bles. but you just let them fancy them
selves held up in the same way, and if
the fur doesn't fly have no knowledge
of human nature
Now, l had an inkling before l COM
menced to write that I'd better keep
| OF from actual people and actual &C.
currenceS. This l adhered to. / took a
great Zeal of pains to get names for
my characters that didn't belong to
any one. AS for actual incidents, the
only ones that came under my observa-
ton We're those pertaining to my own
wife, Mrs. Moss. AS she didn't object
l resolved to draw my incidents from
/ home.
Now, one would say that such a
course would be perfectly safe, and if
| there were no trouble accruing from
my home delineations there would be
none from any other source. 1t seemed
to me that all l had to do was to find a
name for Mrs. Moss, and to make as
surance doubly sure l determined to
find one that would not be claimed by
any one. In a book on physiology l
found mention of the swim bladder Of
fishes. 1t occurred to me that If any
one had been born under the name of
! Swimbladder he or she would certainly
apply to the legislature and have it
changed. l determined to portray my
wife's humanity under the name of
Mrs. Swimbladder. l would pose as
Mr.. Swimbladder.
Trouble began with my first article.
When one morning at the breakfast ia
BILE Mrs. Moss was finding fault with
her dearest friend l remarked that a
safe rule for our guidance was to first
look within ourselves to be sure that
we were not ourselves at fault. She
replied that it would be impossible for
me to have said anything that more
clearly applied to myself, adding that
| it was singular how people could never
see their own weakness and never take
| their own advice. 1t occurred to me
that this was a nice point in human
nature, and l wOve it into my morn
ing's work. This, my first paper on
domestic points, was accepted and was
printed the next Sunday morning in
the magazine part of newspaper.
On Monday morning as l stepped out
on to the front steps l found my next
door neighbor, with whom l had no
acquaintance, standing on his door
step. He was there waiting for me.
Are you Moss?" he asked ominously
II am Mr.. Moss" l replied, nettled
at his incivility.
"Well, l want to give you my opinion
of a man who will listen to what his
neighbors say to each other and write
'em up in the newspapers
81 don't understand you, sir"
Last week my wife snubbed me by
telling me that instead of looking for
/ other peoples faults I'd better take no.
tice of my own. We were sitting in
an open window and could easily be
heard from a window in your house.
Yesterday l found my wife ridiculed
in a morning paper under the name of
Mrs. Swimbladder."
Ii the accusing angel who flies up
, to heavens chancery had written down
, my name Martin Moss, murderer,
= would not have been more astonished
l l assured the man that 1 had not re-
ferred to his family, but he laughed
me to scorn, only he glared and growl-
ed instead Of laughing, and remarked
that if 1 lever did it again" he would
take it out of my hide"
This beginning was not reassuring,
but, thinking it to be a coincidence, 1
D kept close to Mrs. Moss and my own
fOibles. In few weeks my wife re-
ceived a note from one of her best
s friends saying that she did not longer
, wish the acquaintance Of a woman
. who had nothing better to do than to
go tattling to her husband instances
that had occurred in the families Of
her friends. This was another dasher,
but, as the Hoosier poet says:
81 chawed on"
Within another month my wife and
I began to notice that our friends were
dropping us from their Invitations and
4 as time went on they did not happen
. to be looking our way when we passed
= them on the street. My articles were
. in great demand, and l received invita-
g tons to write for numerous period
4 icals, but l found that we were very
Y much alone in the world, and my wife
- began to complain that life under a
s ban was not worth living Then it oc-
$ Cured to me that the commonplace in
cidents Of our lives are peculiar to
those Of other families. But, to repeat
n the words of the poet:
Is Il chawed on
x The end came in this wise: AS I
10 emerged from my door one afternoon
N received a blow that felled me on
8 the steps. When recovered my senses