Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1904-04-25

When Representative John Lamb, of
Richmond, goes out to talk to the
farmers Of Virginia he often surprises
them by the familiarity with which he
discusses agricultural affairs. Once he
told q farmer constituent that he raised
ninety barrels of corn and twenty bales
of cotton in one year, which brought
forth the reply that if his district had
known it. Capt. Lamb would have been
kept at home, being too good farmer
to send to Congress.
A few days ago the captain made an
other incursiOn into Virginia, and
delivered an eloquent address to rural
audience.
''Captain," inquired one of those who
had heard him, how did you, a city
man, get so much farming in yo
head?"
why, that's easy" replied the Rich
mond member What do you suppose
l have been serving on the Agricultural
Committee of the House six years for
Lieut.-Gen. Adna r. Chaffee told the
following story while at the Waldorf
the other day, as illustrating the UNI
conscious humor which the Irishman is
so often addicted to:
"A true son of the Emerald Isle had
applied at a recruiting station IN
Buffalo for enlistment in the army.
The officer in charge asked him, joking
ly | suppose, il he knew anything about
drilling.
"'Drillin', was it ye said. sor?' replied
the lrishman. An shure I've wurked
in the New York subway fir two years.
DIillin bedad, Ask me another, scr.
Judge f. II. Gary, chairman of the
executive committee of the steel trust,
tells q story of 4 bright 8-year-old boy,
Il clergyman's son. Judge Gary was
dining with the family once. and during
dinner said to the boy: Look here,
Joe, 1 have 4 question to ask you about
your father" The boy looked gravely
at him. "All right; I'll answer your
question" he said. We'll" said the
judge. Il want to know if your father
doesn't preach the same sermon twice
sometimes" Yes, I think he does"
said Joe, but the second time he al
ways hollers in different places from
what he did the first time"
There was once Il western miner who,
after many years made his pile, and
going to San Francisco, looked about
fer the most splendid restaurant he
could find. He wanted to make up to
himself in one glorious night for all his
prvations and hardships OF many
years When he found his restaurant
and the waiter handed him the bill OF
fare he found it was in a language that
is not commonly spoken in mining
camps, and that he could not make out
| anything but the prices. which were
extremely high. So he turned to the
waiter and said: Bring me 500 worth
OF ham and eggs"
When President Nicholas Murray
Butler was at college certain freshmen
made no scruple Of stealing pail of
milk which a dairyman daily placed
outside the door Of Mr.. Buffers room
while the occupant was In class. In
order to foil the marauders, the future
:cs.LGnt of Columbia composed one
day a formidable legend, which he
printed in very deep letters and placed
over the pail 1t read: Il have
poisoned this milk with arsenic" Up
on his return he found the milk intact,
| but added to his notice We're these ap-
palling words: $50 have We
Captain Jack Crawford, the poet
scout, tells story the joke of which
was on himself. Away back in one of
the Indian campaigns, when Generals
Crook and Miles were rivals for the
Brigadier epaulets which finally fell TO
Tor CT
Crooks tent one night when he saw the
General standing in front, his arms
| folded and his eyes fixed, apparently
| on bright star in the heavens.
| General" said Jack, as he saluted.
| there's miles and Miles between you
! and that star, aren't there?"
| General Crook despised a pun at any
| time, SO he gave a gutteral "humph'
and passed into his tent. Next day
Crawford was summoned to the Gen.
erals presence.
| Captain Jack" he said, as serious
mission, and you are just the man
| want
Very well. General" replied Jack;
| Il am yours to command"
Il want you to go into the hostile
| CUNT y, ClltiHS Dull, anu get lntO
| his camp
Jack scratched his head and thought
| he was a goner sure. but he said:
General. 1 will do by best. When shall
| l start?"
AT once" said the General
And when l get there?" queried
Jack
When you get there." reared the
General, now ready to burst with
| laughter, when you get there, just
read to the Indians one of your poems.
Then therell be ns more fighting III
dams; they'll all drop dead"
Mr.. Cushman of Washington was
addressing the house recently, but he
mad great difficulty in making himself
heard. Members We're walking about
the hail. chatting and laughing, and ut
the speakers table several members en-
gagged Mr.. Cannon in animated discus
sion.