Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1904-04-30
SHE HAD THE PROOF

aufASS zdHu CouSOt9IlOu. ne Oto HiaFTb<si
woman friend, that is to say. was all of
twenty-three years of age. and she had
been married for fully half year. Little
Mrs. Mercyonus looked very nervous and
perturbed.
What in the name Of land sakes alive
ais your Of course inquired the old mar
ried woman friend and girlhood pal when
she saw the distressed state of little Mrs.
Mercyonnus. You are looking dreadful.
What Is itr'
WELL 1 guess you would look dreadful
too, II your husband made such terrible
uproar In his sleep that you couldn't sleep
for fve or six nights running" replied lit
tie Mrs. Mercyonus, poutingly.
"Oh. you mean that the poor man snoresr
inquired the old married woman friend,
alphabetically, yet with broad smile.
Well. suppose that is what 1t 10 called;
out snoring seems too mild term to de-
nominate the-the-the sounds that Jack
makes" said Mrs. Mercyonnus.
But" sagely asked the old married
woman. why In pities' sakes don't you
can't sleep?"
Turn him overr' repeated Mrs. Mercy
onnus, mysttfedly Now. what on earth
can the woman mean? Turn him oyeri
That sounds as IL he were a bug-or-or
sOmetMngp'
urn-him-over-thats exactly what
mean, and nothing else" impressiveiy re-
piled the old married woman Of all of a
half years experience with a husband
creature
But, dear me-" hopeiessIy remarked Mrs.
Mercyonnus, the great hulking creature
weighs 200 pounds. How in the wide world
would be able to turn him overr'
On, you don't have to literally lift him
up and turn him over" remarked the set
tied married woman Of twenty-three. mo
such thing. OF course not. All you've got
to do is to give him a little poke or shake.
you know-just sufficient to half awaken
him-and tell him to turn over, and he'll do
It without actually coming to his senses at
all. husbands get to do that quite auto
matically. you know. when they're trained
that way. But you'd better begin training
him that way Immediately"
But don't want to wake Jack up, polk
Ing or shaking him." argued Mrs. Mercy
onnus. He says that when once he wakes
up at night It's so hard for him to get
asleep again.
Nov. you do as I tell you. peremptoriIy
commanded the old married woman "I
know what I'm about 1 had the same
trouble with Edward. But now 1 have
merely to touch him on the shoulder when
he's snoring-and he does snore, too, some
thing dreadful, although he denies 1t SIREN
uously-aud he turns right over on his side
like lamb, without ever waking up And
men cantor, anyhow, they don't-snore
when they're lying on their sides It's
only when they're lying on their backs. the
C.
Mrs Mercyonnus decided to put the les
son to the test that very night, provided,
OF course her husband again snored hard
enough to keep her awake.
He did snore hard enough to keep her
awake that night, and she rose on one
elbow and noticed, by the dim reflection Of
the electric light shining through the win
dow. that he was sprawled out On the fiat
Of his back.
So she reached out very soft and gentle
nand and touched him on the shoulder.
Then she waited for him to turn over 1t
didn't happen. He went right on snoring
harder than ever.
She touched him on the shoulder again.
this time placing her lips close to his ear
and murmuring. Jack" Nothing doing.
Jack was running the biggest saw mill
south of Michigan, and he was running it
for keeps.
I'D just like to know what Minnie meant
by telling me such nonsense" murmured
little Mrs. Mercyonnus to herself. He has
not even moved. Turn him over! I might
Just as well try to turn the house over.
Jack!' And she gave him a little harder
shake on the shoulder this time, and placed
her lips still closer to his ear. The only
noticeable effect was that he struck a knot
of such lignum vitae hardness and resist
ance that Mrs. Mercyonnus actually fam
cied that the dishes In the pantry ratified
with the sound.
However. she was there to try out that
turn-him-over thing to its final issue, and
she gave him another prod and shake.
in bunch. Then he slowly quit snoring.
gurgled a lot in his throat, opened his eyes.
and grunted-but he didn't turn over so
that anybody could really notice 1t.
What il itr' he inquired hoarsely and
drowsily. What the dickens is coming Off
herer'
Jack" whispered his wife, with the idea
of not fully awakening him. you're snoring
can't sleep wink"
Huh? Me snore? Aw, cut it out-forget
It," grunted the unturnable one. Never
snored In m life. Sure thing Dunno how.
Would wob-ug- glick-er-heu-" and then he
gurgled himself off into a still profounder
snoring slumber. But he hadn't turned
over any.
Jack resolutely whispered little Mrs.
Mercyonnus giving him another shake,
with the idea of mailing him before he got
too far away into dreamland, won't you
pul-leeze-just to let me sleep oh such a
teenchy little bit-wOnt you pul-leeze turn
over like a good old thing?"
This time he arrived at something like
genuine consciousness. He rolled over on
his side in an elephantine sort of way,
grumbling something about deuce of a
racket and wonder man couldn't get some
sleep after working like dog all day, and
he'd like to know IL he was expected to
sleep on the roof or in the sink, and begee
-ugle- -r-r-um-and away he went to
sleep again, but this time without the snor
ing accompaniment
Say" he inquired at the breakfast table
on the following morning, what was all
that rough-housin' that you were pulling
off in the middle OF the night-handing me
uppercuts and short-arm tolts and things,
hey?
Jack" she replied, soIemnly-for she had
never mentioned 1t before-"Jack, you were
snoring Just something disgraceful."
He looked surprised and cut up some
"Who? Me? Shore? Why. the idee!
You've got another guess! Never did such
a grossly disreputabls thing in all my
bright young life-thats a vile accusation.
II sure is. Me snore! Not guilty! Bet you
a new hat never snored in my life! Bet
you two hats! Shocking thing to say to
man! I'm surprised at you!
The next day was Sunday. He c0rked on
on one of the couches for an after-dinner
nap. Three minutes after lying down he
was snoring like caitiff knight and swell
trencherman. She remembered his refusal
to believe her declaration that he snored.
So she slipped a fresh cylinder onto the
photograph. placed 1t softly right alongside
tho couch on which he was lying, started 1t
going. and got cylinder full of his Gar
gantuan shores. She put the cylinder
away. meaning to spring IT on him the very
first time he should again deny his snoring
habit.
But that evening number of friends,
who hadn't seen the Mercyonnuses since
their return from the honeymoon called