The Washington times., 1904-04-18
" Hon. James" Carrot,
The Consul to San1Oy
Humorous Sketch of Political Office Be-
slowed Upon Wrong Man and How he
Rose to the Emergency.

tered my ONCE win DulhS pie OF
manuscript.
Good morning, MIR. Editor he said,
I've brought report for you 10 print.
I've taken considerable pains over this
report, it's an interesting report an eX-
haustive report, it's no SLOUGH of a re-
port. and l want it well printed
With pleasure, l replied. Our
terms for printing
Oh. ne said, but l want 1t to APP
pear In your interesting and high-class
paner And what is more, l want 1t all
TO appear in one Issue.
i looked at his manuscript, counted
the sheets. found they numbered ninety
four. and answered:
utterly and absolutely impossible.
| am willing to print IL column at a
time
Mr. Editor. he said this is a
highly important and valuable report.
and II would spoil il something con-
siderable To go and cut IT up. | should
Il all in one piece
Can't be done
Not if / order 5000 copies of the
issue
Printed the Report.
" oh. in that e--why-certainly
u regret to say that our normal eircu-
lation was rather under 800, and that
this was far TOO good an offer TO miss.
We arrang q to produce the report in
a doable number that day week-the
report TO be set up at once, and the
Hon. James to correct his own proofs.
Two days later. he came in and said:
This report will be of the highest i'm
portance TO the American public and
also to the Samoy public. Do you mind
writing a leading article on IL for the
double number?
II wrote leaderette.
THE next day. he came In again.
" Look here ne said. the issue seems
to be mostly about me. it might just as
well be all about me. | want you TO
leave out all ordinary news that day
and'-here he fetched out a sheaf OF
papers-'put in a few interesting person
al paragraphs about my career.
Day of Publication.
Il consented.
THE eventful day arrived, and have
no hesitation in saying that the appear
ance of the 'Samoy Star caused much
surprise-in some cases panied surprise.
could have filed the Local News
/ columns the next days with extracts
( from the letters of indignant and sar-
castle Constant Readers If ! had want
! ed to- Before we had dispatched the 5000
copies 10 the American embassy, the
! Hon James came round TO the Office 10
say he was very pleased with US, In
| proof of which n. handed me a check
! for trlfe more than the amount due.
blue penciled the leaderette and some OF
the most flatterinG paragraphs and then
/ told me what he wanted done
For the next six days all the Office
/ coolies were engaged In blue-penclling
and wrapping up for post copies of the
/ Il Ii mn he
/ ready, the Hon. James told us 10 let
! them loose on the world. Every crown
/ ID head I'm the two hemispheres received
a copy. Every member or Congress. The
. governors OF the different States of the
| Union, all the judges. the mayors OF
different towns. and the secretaries of al
debating societies. duly received tfseir
! copies. We also tried 10 reach every
school. restaurant and hotel In the
/ United States The remainder We dis
4 tributed among officers OF the United
/ States army and navy. The Hon. James
boosted in a letter which he sent home
| shortly afterward that he had written
his name on the continent OF America.
Sands Before Kings.
1.-THE Hon. James Garrett is now the
friend OF emperors and kings and ad-
mirals and generals, and his speeches
and movements. are they not chronicled
in the kilograms of Reuter-? He has
refused all sorts of first-class embassies
and the imperial throne of George
Washington IS said 10 be waiting foI
him. / have only met him once since
he left Samoy. II was in the corridor OF
the Hongkong Hotel and he was ac-
companied by his private secretary, who
! stood a couple of yards away while the
| Hon. James spoke to me. They walk
ed on and left me. but presently the
secretary came back to me and said:
| Are you aware that my chief Is by
way of being very great man in Amer
lear
Il am very we'll aware OF it, l re
piled. Why should you think / was NOT ?
| - noticed. he said, that you dix
take off your hat TO him and that yoi
didn't saw Sir when you spoke 10 him
Il admitted the truth of the statemen.
and added that IL would apply equal,
well 10 any future meeting between US.
Calculating. confident and unashamet
James Garrett will leave no stone un
turned in order TO get there but
think / should prefer the lowest form
Of coolie labor TO what he expects iron
thar moor lost SOul of "A SECRETARY 80