The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1904-09-24
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ally IA4AS new ABOUT Inc war; An
unofficial dispatch has just been con-
hrmed."-Ch1cago Record Herald.
First Moth-Have you anything ON
hand tonight? Second Moth-Yes, I'm
invited to camphor ball.-Philadel-
phia Record.
Shelby face is my fortune. He 40,
yet ardent-And let me assure you,
my dear, you have spent none of it
New Yorker.
Mother-Have you taken your cold
bath yet, Willie? Willie-There wasn't
any cold water warm enough.-Chica.
go Daily News.
Are you still making visits to your
dentist?" "No." Flows thatY ooh,
nothing; only ran out Of teeth."-De-
troit Free Press.
Bjinks-Time runs on, Ell? Now
what makes Time run on? Bjinks-
The spur Of the moment, l spose.-
Houston Chronicle.
Benson-Bought a sawmill, ehF
What are you going to do with it?
Jenson-Bring out a new breakfast
food.-Town Topics.
Hes what l call budding gen.
ius.'" "Who? BraggT Eyes, like all
budding things, he's inclined to blow"
Philadelphia Press.
Johnny-Pa, what Is a diplomat? Pa
well, son, it's man who can stretch
hands across the sea without putting
his foot In 1t, too.-Exchange.
whats he going to call it?' "Por-
trait of lady" But 1t doesn't look
like her at allv' Then he might call
it portrait Of another lady "-Life.
''They have called two doctors in for
consultation" "And do the doctors
agreeT II believe they have agreed
upon the price. "-Philadelphia Ledger
Ibid you ever take chance in Wal
streetT mo" answered Mr.. Ardluc
Il put up my money several times. But
never got a chance. ''-Washingt
Star.
Young Author-When I write fal
into the night find great difficulty il
getting to sleep. Friend-Why dom
you read over what you have written
Princeton Tiger.
Mamma" said little Elsie, ave have
to be very saving. don't weT' Eyes
: dear" But was just thinking, sup
pose we 'conomize on cod-liver oil!"-
Philadelphia Press.
Friend-What are you going to d.
with all those presents? You have n
family. Smart-Going to send 'em t
:, :, my friends in st. Louis. I'm going t
y the xposition.-Exchange.
"And do you think" he asked, ''tha
= men progress after death?" "Well,'
p she replied, "if they don't 1t would a
l. most seem useless for some of them t
T die."-Chicago Record Herald.
: Brown-Don't get gay, or I'll
e forced to pound little sense into you
: head. Green-Huh! 1t would take
e dozen men like you to pound any sens
d into my head.-Chicago News.
: whats wit, anyway" "Well,
e good many people seem to have tn
j. idea that wit is the knack Of maxim
l. one person uncomfortable in the pres
s ence Of others. Post.
Teacher-So I've caught you chew
= ing gum, have I? Sammy-No, mum
l wasn't chewin'. I was jest keepil
it there instead of in my pocket. 1t
30 sticky.-Chicago Daily News.
What can do for my little boy!
asked mamma, $50 that he won't haV
7 to eat between meals?" Have tt
| meals ticker together" replied II
! greedy young man.-Glasgow Evenlr
J Times.
Major Gndignantly)-Wha do yc
mean, sentinel, by sleeping at yo1
! post? If the enemy should appear yc
. would be lost. Sentinel-Don't worr
major. l haven't an enemy in II
whole city.-Fliegende Batter.
Are there clubs for women in tn
town." asked the suffragist from II
East. Certainly not" replied the gs
liant Westerner; 1--WE can han1.e wo1
., en- without clubs. "-Chicago Evenil
y Post.
2 She (bored)-No, Mr.. Lytely, CT
r never love you. honor and respe
70 YOU. am sure you would make son
Of other woman a good husband. L
10 -Well-er-give me letter Of re
ommendation to my next place.-T
Bits.
|, Eddie-Aren't you sorry that you a
/, an only child? Freddie-Oh, no; | dol
r mind it, but it's tough on pa. Eddie
Is How SO? Freddie-Well, you see, I
= getting too big for him to have
Ia take me to the circus, and there arel
II any younger kids in the family for hi
- to fall back on.-Brooklyn Life.
- You have been fighting again, To
myw ~ couldn't help it, MANN
~ That stapleford boy sassed me" 18th
- was no reason for fighting. You shou
- have remembered that a soft answ
IS turneth away wrath and given him
n soft answer" II did. l hit him wi
IS a chunk O. mud" -ChicagO Tribune.