davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The herald-advance. (Milbank, S.D.) 1890-1922, 1904-08-19
NOT MUCH, AFTER ALL.
Father Didn't Know Kind Of Dress
Daughter Wanted.

Daughter Wanted.
Altogether too expensive, Gladys"
he said, firmly.
ooh, no. papa" she pleaded, lit
won't cost much"
MY dear child, you mustn't think
you a fool your old father just be-
cause he likes to be generous when he
can" he said. 81 can't afford any such
extravaganza"
But it's not ~extravagant, papa" she
urged. Really it isn't"
Didn't you say the material was $40
a yard?"
Eyes, but"
"And you don't think that's extrava-
CANT? Why, that's too much to pay
even for a ball gown"
"Of course it is, papa, but you
see"
There's no use discussing it. !
can't afford to throw money away"
But you don't understand, papa.
Ten dollars a yard sounds like a lot,
because you don't know what l want.
You haven't studied the fashions. 1t
really would cost very little"
"How much?" he asked, in a bust.
nesslike way. Il don't want any gen
eralities. How much?"
Well" she said, thoughtfully, knit
ting her brows, Il don't see how the
whole bathing suit can cost over
SO. 5O."-New York Press.
The herald-advance. (Milbank, S.D.) 1890-1922, 1904-08-19
Reflections Of a Bachelor.

Maybe a hammock appeals to a
girl SO much because it is open work.
1t is very comforting to imagine you
are happy when you know you aren't.
Most people are SO busy trying to
get ahead Of some friend that they
overlook the enemy who is getting
ahead of them.
It's funny that a woman never has
to consult a clairvoyant to learn il
her husband is working in the Office
nights when he says he is.-New
York Press.
The herald-advance. (Milbank, S.D.) 1890-1922, 1904-08-19
A Human Barometer,

Talking about the weather and the
forecasts ailing persons are enabled
to make of it by their feelings" said
a Long Islander, there is an old
fellow living in my town who has the
queerest case of rheumatism l ever
encountered. He is a walking barom-
eter and can tell by the pain in his
leg just what kind of weather we
are going to have for the next twenty.
four hours.
"He has a hickory cane that he car
ries with him everywhere, and it is all
marked out like a chart. There are
notches on it every inch or SO; some
of them mean cold, some heat, some
snow and some rain.-New York
Press.
The herald-advance. (Milbank, S.D.) 1890-1922, 1904-08-19
JUST ONE DAY
Free From the SIugger Brought Out a
Fact.

Free From the sIugger Brought Out a
Fact.
During the time I was a coffee
drinker," says an Iowa woman, Il was
nervous, had spells with my heart,
smothering spells, headache, stom-
ach trouble, liver and kidney trouble.
Ibid not know for years what made
me have those spells. I would fire.
quently sink away as though my last
hour had come.
For q years I suffered thus and
used bottles of medicine enough to set
up a drug stOre-capsules and pills
and everything l heard of. Spent
lots of money but l was sick nearly
all the time. Sometimes l was SO
nervous l could not hold a plate in my
hands! and other times I thought l
would surely die sitting at the table.
"This went on until about two years
ago when one day l did not use any
coffee and l noticed l was not SO ner.
vous and told my husband about it.
He had been telling me that it might
be the coffee, but l said No, I have
been drinking coffee all my life and it
cannot be- But after this l thought
l would try and do without and drink
hot water. l did this for several days,
but got tired Of the hot water and
went to drinking coffee, and as soon
as l began coffee again was nervous
again. This proved that it was the
coffee that caused my troubles.
I'VE had tried Postum but had not
made it right and did not like 1t, but
now l decided to give it another trial,
Sc I read the directions on the pack.
e carefully and made it after these
directions and 1t was simply delicious,
so we quit coffee for good and the re.
suits are wonderful. Before, l could
not sleep, but nov I go to bed and
sleep sound, am not q bit nervous
now, but work hard and can walk
miles. Nervous headaches are gone,
my heart does not bother me any
more like 1t did and I don't have any
of the smothering spells and would
you believe it? l am getting fat. We
drink Postum now and nothing else
and even my husbands headaches
have disappeared; we both SLEEP
sound and healthy now and that's a
blessing" Name given by Postum
Co., Battle Creek, Mich.
Look for the book, "The Road e
MELVILLE" In each pkg.
The herald-advance. (Milbank, S.D.) 1890-1922, 1904-08-19
TOLD MARY TO "WEAR THESE"
ridiculous Incident in Which Miss
Letter Figured.

When Lady Curzon was Miss Mary
Letter, and the belle Of washington, a
laughable accident had sad results for
an unfortunate attache who was one
of her greatest admirers. This infatu-
ated lover heard that she was to be at
a ball about to take place, and rushing
to a florists he ordered a magnificent
box of roses to be sent to his address.
When they arrived he sent his own
servant with a card ~entreating Miss
Letter to wear these" at the ball for
his sake. Unluckily his tailor chose
that afternoon to send home a pair OF
garments not usually worm by ladies'.
The parcels somehow got mixed, the
wrong one was delivered to Miss Lei
ter, and. Well, that young man left
Washington when the story got about,
and now it is never mentioned in vice.
regal society.-Cassells.
The herald-advance. (Milbank, S.D.) 1890-1922, 1904-08-19
Case Of Shut.in.

The superintendent of a city Sunday
school was making a appeal for a
collection for a Shut-in society, and
said:
Can any boy or girl tell me OF a
shut-in person mentioned in the Bible?
All, I see several hands raised. That
Is good. This little boy right in front
OF me may tell me. Speak up good
and loud, that all may hear you. John.
ME-"
Jonah" shrieked Johnnie.-Phila-
delphia Ledger.
The herald-advance. (Milbank, S.D.) 1890-1922, 1904-08-19
Advantage Of Strike.

"Im glad of one thing as the result
of this meat strike" said the mar in
the restaurant.
What's that" asked the friend, who
was dining exclusively on fish.
THE high price of steaks and chops
give me the excuse I've been yearning
for all summer to eat fresh asparagus
1t so cents a portion."-New York Sun.
The herald-advance. (Milbank, S.D.) 1890-1922, 1904-08-19
ACROSS THE CONTINENT.
Two Fasteners Will Make the Trir
on a Tandem.

Orange, N. j., Aug. 16. - Clarence
Folz of Syracuse, N. Y, and William
X. Brown of Rutland, VT, mounted on
a tandem bicycle, left West Orange
yesterday for q trip across the cont.
nent. A crowd of friends saw them
off and cheered them as they started.
The bicyclists expect to arrive at San
Francisco in 1926 days, going at the
rate Of about IS miles a day.
The herald-advance. (Milbank, S.D.) 1890-1922, 1904-08-19
Demand for Particulars.

Il have come to a-ask for your
d-daughter's hand, sir" stammerel
the young
We'll, which hand do you want?"
asked the stern parent in a tone
redolent with frigid sarcasm.-New
York Times.
The herald-advance. (Milbank, S.D.) 1890-1922, 1904-08-19
Beware of OintmentS for Catarrh
that Contain Mercury.

- mercury will surely destroy the sense Of smell
End completely derange the whole system when
entering 1t through the mucous surfaces. Such
articles should never be nsed except on prescrip-
lions from reputable physicians. as the damage they
VIII do is ten fold to the good you can possibly de-
rive from them. Halls Catarrh Cure, manufactured
by F. j. Cheney e. Co., Toledo, o., contains no mer-
GUY, and is taken internally, acting directly upon
the blood and mucous surfaces of the system. In
buying Halls Catarrh Cure be sure you get the
genuine. 1t is taken Internally and made in Toledo,
Ohio, by +. }. Cheney & Co. Testimonials free.
Sold by Druggists. Price, T5c, per bottle.
Take Halls Family Pills for constipation.
The herald-advance. (Milbank, S.D.) 1890-1922, 1904-08-19
What He Would Like.

The Office boy put the waste basket
down.
II would like" said he, with one eye
on the baseball schedule, ito go to a
funeral to-day, Mr.. Cranke."
"You won't though" replied the
cold-hearted boss.
II know it," said the office boy, "but
I would like to-, just the same"
Whose funeral" asked Mr.. Cranke.
YOURS" replied the Office boy. Then
the door closed hastily between them.
Puck.
The herald-advance. (Milbank, S.D.) 1890-1922, 1904-08-19
He OUGHT to Be Clean.

what this country needs" shouted
the reformer, lis clean men in office!"
eff that's the case" observed the
man who reads the papers, Judge
Parker ought to suit.-Milwaukee Sen
tinel.
The herald-advance. (Milbank, S.D.) 1890-1922, 1904-08-19
Suitable Habitation.

I'm going to fix up a den IN this
house, woman, whether you want me
to or not" exclaimed Grouchly.
well, 90 on, you old bear!" she
Observation-Disclosures Sentinel.
The herald-advance. (Milbank, S.D.) 1890-1922, 1904-08-19
G OF ITS KIND.
6TO0E0 Ut ITO N1TVOs
| An Ad That Attracted Attention, Any.

An Ad That Attracted Attention, Any
way.
In tremendously big letters the ad.
vertisement of a Western Mining COM
pany is painted in red, white and green
on the side Of a Warren street sky
scraper. The directors Of the company
probably paid the painter a big sum
for his artistic %endeavor, but unless he
soon rectifies one of his mistakes they
will be justified in disseminating his
wages. What the man undertook to
say in his aerial advertisement was
that the plant was fitted with the larg-
est smelter in the world. What he
really did say herewith appears:
The herald-advance. (Milbank, S.D.) 1890-1922, 1904-08-19
Up in the Air.

Friend-Was your flight this morn.
ing successful?
Dantos Sumont-No; re blame air
sheep ees still too-tOo-what you call
him?-f1ighty, ees it not?-Newark
News.
The herald-advance. (Milbank, S.D.) 1890-1922, 1904-08-19
FUMES ARE FATAL.
Employees Of Phosphate Works Killed
BY SuIphuric Air.

by SuIphuric Air.
Mobile, Ala, Aug. Is. - Charles
Green and Dennis Chapman, foreman
at the phosphate works on the out
skirts of this city. died last night un-
der peculiar circumstances. The men
had been working all night in the
sulphuric air in the chamber of the
factory on half-hour shifts. After COM
ing out in the morning both COM
planned Of pains in the region OF the
heart and they soon died.
The herald-advance. (Milbank, S.D.) 1890-1922, 1904-08-19

Mrs. Windows Soothing Syrup.
For children %teething, softens the gurus, reduces In.
dammation, allays pain, cures wind collie. Csc . bottle.
The herald-advance. (Milbank, S.D.) 1890-1922, 1904-08-19

LIDO not believe Piso's Cure for Consumption
has an equal for coughs and colds.-JoHN +.
BOYER, Trinity Springs, Ind, Feb. Is, 1900.
The herald-advance. (Milbank, S.D.) 1890-1922, 1904-08-19

Eventually most of us do what we
really want to do.
The herald-advance. (Milbank, S.D.) 1890-1922, 1904-08-19

Almost invariably a liar speaks the
truth with his eyes.
The herald-advance. (Milbank, S.D.) 1890-1922, 1904-08-19

ETC permanently cured. No fits or nervousness after
y first days use or DR.. kline's Great Nerve kestor.
Or. Send for FREE @2. 90 trial bottle and treatise.
On r. II. KLINE. Ltd, oS1 Arch Street, Philadelphia, Pa
The herald-advance. (Milbank, S.D.) 1890-1922, 1904-08-19
THE LARGEST
IN THE WORLD.

That statement attracts unlimited at
tention, but it is not altogether accu-
rate and should be corrected.-New
York Press.
The herald-advance. (Milbank, S.D.) 1890-1922, 1904-08-19

A girl who has red hair has got to
be mighty pretty to make you forget
It.
The herald-advance. (Milbank, S.D.) 1890-1922, 1904-08-19

In the kidneys and pelvic organs. The
urine was thick and cloudy and I
could barely eat enough to live. l
felt a change for the better within a
week. The second week | began
eating heartily. l began to improve
generally and before seven weeks had
passed I was well. l had spent hun
dreds of dollars for medicine that did
not help me, but Sc worth of Doan's
Kidney Pills restored me to perfect
health"
A TRIAL FREE-Address Foster.
Milburn Co., Buffalo, N. Y. For sale
b. all dealers. Price soc.
The herald-advance. (Milbank, S.D.) 1890-1922, 1904-08-19
important to Mothers

Examine carefully every bottle Of CASTORIA,
Q safe and sure remedy for infants and children,
and see that it
The herald-advance. (Milbank, S.D.) 1890-1922, 1904-08-19
Ealeelv Accused.

Falsely Accused.
Police Magistrate-You are charged
with fighting. What have you to say
for yourself?
Prisoner-Well, your honor, l am a
professional pugilist, and
Police Magistrate-Case dismissed.
The herald-advance. (Milbank, S.D.) 1890-1922, 1904-08-19

M d / IL
knight, of 33
N. A S h | a nd
Ave., Chicago.
Orator OF the
w e t S d e
w g d nesday
Club, says:
This winter
when l start
ed to use
d o a n s Kid
ney Pills l
ached In every
bone and had
intense pains
The herald-advance. (Milbank, S.D.) 1890-1922, 1904-08-19
Debt to Chemistry.

Debt to Chemistry.
The Professor-We owe q great deal
to chemistry.
Friend-Yes, indeed. To chemistry.
for instance, we W a great many Of
our blondes."-Judge.
The herald-advance. (Milbank, S.D.) 1890-1922, 1904-08-19
When Apples Are Green

When Apples Are Green.
Willie-"Pa, when apples are green,
they aren't ripe, are they?"
Pa-"No, my son; but cholera NOR.
bus is."-Philadelphia Press.
The herald-advance. (Milbank, S.D.) 1890-1922, 1904-08-19
n IN EVERY BONE.

Chicago Society Woman Who Wa SO
Sick She Could Not Sleep or Eat,
Cured by Doan's Kidney Pills.
Monroe City Democrat. (Monroe City, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1904-07-21
His Opinion.

"They tell you that the low
of the Democratic party in Ill
inois permits the State COM
mite to present the chairman,
and they the right of the con-
vention to override the wish of
the committee. Such a doctrine
would be undemocratic if true
for such a doctrine would per-
nit a post committee to fasten
itself on a new convention and
denominaLe a new set of dele
gates, w. j. Bryan ir st.
Louis peech,-Now take the
last sentence of that paragraph
and you will find that it was
the identical act of the Marion
county committee, which per-
petuated itself by transacted
all business that should have
fallen to a new committee.
Monroe City Democrat. (Monroe City, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1904-07-21
Summer Cookery And Entertainment

For the mother who is puz-
zled to provide novel an d at
tractive forms of holiday and
birthday entertainments for lit
tie ones an article on Children's
Parties, in The Deliueator for
August will be an article of val
ue. In the same number are ex.
cellent cookery suggestions in
the form of An INLAND" Sea-
side Dinner and many recipes of
dainty and appetizing dishes
for hot days. Recommends
tions for hotweather house
keeping may also prove useful.
Monroe City Democrat. (Monroe City, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1904-07-21

Just a Picture of You" is the
title of the newest song by AL.
Trahern aud Lee Dream Smith.
:Just Picture of You" is a
highclass ballad. on the order
of Violets" and is enjoying an
immense sale. One copy of this
ballad has been sent to every
music seller in the Uaited States
and Canada, SO that all lovers
of music may have an opportun-
ity of securing it at any music
store.
Monroe City Democrat. (Monroe City, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1904-07-21
Costs Nothing
Unless Cured.
A Fair Offer Made by Wood Bros. to all
Sufferers From Catarrh.

Wood Bros. are selling Hyo-
mel on a plan that has caused
considerable talk amongst their
customers.
The plan is different from that
followed by other remedies, but
the remedy itself is different
also. This treatment for the
cure of catarrh has such an un-
usual record of cures to it's cred
it that Wood Bros. offer to re-
fund the money if it does not
give the desired benefit. This
is certainly one of the fairest
offers that can be made and any
one who has catarrh and does
takeH advantage of it is doing
himself or herself an injustice.
Do not suffer any longer with
tickling, smarti2g, burning, eye
watering troubles that safflict
those who have catarrh. Hyo.
mel will cure you, but if you
should not find it adapted to
your case, Wood Bros. will re-
turn your money.
Monroe City Democrat. (Monroe City, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1904-07-21
YumYuH.

Just like the measles when
you get it, you get it bad, es-
pecially so in early manhood.
Dick Hardesty and Gene Mo MT.
gomery have been at work for
Asbury & Jarman over at Perry
Dick and Gene have two pre- tty
little sweethearts in Monroe
and the boys became so home
sick that Ned couldn't keep
them over there and in prefer
ence to being deserted(t they were
desperately he let them come
home to Ma and .
Monroe City Democrat. (Monroe City, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1904-07-21

The st. Louis convention,
although overwhelmingly hos
tile to some of his pet "isms, -
treated Mr.. Bryan handsomely,
allowing him to have a large
share in the writing of the plat
form and dividing the applause
with him. Mr.. Bryan can have
no cause for complaint of his
treatment at st. Louis, and the
st. Louis convention has no
cause for complaint at Mr..
Bryau's actions. The magnet
&c Nebraskan has enlisted aud
will do good work on the firing
hne.--AtIauta Consultations.
Monroe City Democrat. (Monroe City, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1904-07-21
He Got II.

"Fact is" said the one mau
II married because l was lonely
as much as for any reason. To
put it tersely, I married for
sympathy"
WELL" said the other man,
"you have mine"
Monroe City Democrat. (Monroe City, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1904-07-21

The Washington Post, indie
pendent, sizes it up thus: There
is nothing in the Chicago plat
form to move the pulses of the
blood. 1t means anything,
promises everything, commits
Mr.. Roosevelt to nothing.
Monroe City Democrat. (Monroe City, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1904-07-21

What about the MAN higher
up" in the city lighting Doodle
cases the Post-Dispatch had so
much to say about without say
ing it? Has he been or will he
he indicted? Or did nobody
give Ed Butler, the Legislative
agent" the money to use as
bribes?-Missouri State Repub-
lican.
Monroe City Democrat. (Monroe City, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1904-07-21

The Dallas News remarks
pertinently: The question is,
whether the people of, the Unit
ed States will back up a plat
form of ''brag" and ''straddle.'
of 1--WE" and He based upon
an untimelv appeal to the igno-
rance and prejudice of race
and sections.
Monroe City Democrat. (Monroe City, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1904-07-21

That new train which the
katy" has been going to put
on the Holden branch for sew
eral years has been named by
the people who are going to-
ride on it some day, perhaps
the "Katydid. kansas City
World.
Monroe City Democrat. (Monroe City, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1904-07-21
An Entire Success.

The Kansas City Stars cam
paigu against Folk for the pres
idency appears to have been
a pronounced success. Mr.. Folk
has never been mentioned IN
dispatches as a compromised
candidate. Joplin Globe.
Monroe City Democrat. (Monroe City, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1904-07-21

Now that Missouri has con-
siderably more than three mil
lion dollars in her strong box,
the Republicans will have to
invent some other campaign
slogan than poor old Missou-
ri"
Monroe City Democrat. (Monroe City, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1904-07-21

The charming Miss Anna B.
Finks has returned from her
millinery season at Litchtield,
Ill. Her friends were glad to
greet her again.
Monroe City Democrat. (Monroe City, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1904-07-21

day.
''Y ~ wouldn't wear it, said
the rtn with a pocketful.
Il just told the Judge today"
was the reply, "that L prop osed
to take the stump for him. K ing
ston has 10000 people aud it
hasn't any room for anyone not
for Parker.
Monroe City Democrat. (Monroe City, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1904-07-21

A wise merchant at Fairfax
has solved the loafer problem.
When they got too thick around
his store he began to ask them
to run errands for him, and
rather than do work of any kind
they made themselves scarce.
Monroe City Democrat. (Monroe City, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1904-07-21
William Jennings Bryan

William Jennings bryan
told his intimates that he will
take the stump by congressiou-
al districts for Alton B. Parker.
Now, if Mr.. Bryan can do that,
what does the threat of some of
his followers in this city mean.
Monroe City Democrat. (Monroe City, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1904-07-21

Billy Mcleod has been elect
ed street commissioner of
Cooperville and is paid $3.50
per day to sit on the fence and
watch Henry Lear work.
Monroe City Democrat. (Monroe City, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1904-07-21

The World will forgive Alton
B. Parker tor all he has failed
to do it he will only quit
swimming in the Hudson for a
few minutes. st. Louis World.
Monroe City Democrat. (Monroe City, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1904-07-21
Some Parker Anecdotes

Some Parker Anecdotes
There is no public man about
whom fewer anecdotes are told
than Judge Alton B. Parker.
This is due largely to bis re-
served life and reticeuce, al
though no one loves a good
joke or story better.
One is related at the Judges
expense. A very able New, York
attorney, who was quite deaf
and very sensitive, was arguing
case before the Court of APP
peals. He dwelt at length upon
fundamental law principle.
Finally Judge Parker interrupt
ed
lit would seem, Brother -
that you infer that this court is
not we'll versed in this element
airy law point"
Now, the attorney didn't
catch what was said, but he
made it a rule to agree always
with what the court said. So,
smiling and bowling. he said:
Precisely, Your Honor, pre-.
cisely. You have stated the
proposition correctly"
The court laughed, Judge
Parker smiled aud the lawyer
continued his argument.
%%%<
Out at the general store at
Esopus. the village wiseacres
gather each night to discuss
the events of the day. On every
night save Friday night, by the
light of a smelly Oil lamp, they
talk Judge Parker. On that
night they talk something else
for Judge Parker invariably is
present.
To the simple minds of the
villagers JudgeParker is certain
to be the next President. It
would be high treason, lese ma
Ijeste and horse theft to hold
otherwise. They all talk of
"when the jedge is down to
Washington" and they often
refer to president Parker
One of the wisest of the old
wiseacres is Uncle John" He
is a tail, angular farmer, who
wears a small bunch of whis-
kers on the point of his chin
His clothing is homespun and
he wears huge felt boots. He is
the hottest Parker man in the
country.
Reckon I'll go down to the
inauguration" he remarked.
inauguration of whom?" in
quired the writer.
"Humph. Who'd We think:
Why, the jedge, of course
Would the judge make d
good president, Uncle John?"
why. of course he will. Why
lands sake, he's got the finest
bunch of Herefords in York
State. Will he make a good
president? Humph!'
UncleJohn has an old beaver
hat. I'm calkerlatln' to wear
it to tn inauguration he said,
1.-The jedge has one, too. He
got his'n when l got mine, long
erbout 80 year ago.
On little plank sign above
the dock at the foot of Rose
mount is the sign:
10000 10000 5000