Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1904-07-14

sastrous flood since the days of Noah
is given on this greatest stage that has
the real water on il. But when ii rains,
then the barker can take the stray
passer-by into his confidence and in
form him that there is something i'll
the homeopathic theory after all, and
that he can find the water cure
for a ducking inside. or that the visitor
to the Galveston Flood" is in no dan
ger of getting wet. If the bedraggled
''piker" insists on passing by, he
shouts after him
There you go. Mark what l tell you.
you'll get pneumonia. You'll pay a
great deal more for the doctor than it
would cost you to come in here, get a
nice, comfortable seat in warm. dry
room and see the grandest show in the
exhibition on the biggest stage in the
history of the world and then he
adds. doubtless from force of habit, the
real water" and all the other attrac-
tons of the spectacular Galveston dis
aSter.
At the great naval exhibition you
hear more about the real water" and
you wonder if there is not some truth
in the Chicago stories about st. Louis
after all Water seems to be such a
novelty. In front OF the baby incuba-
tor concession sits a long. lank indi-
vidual who might look pious if he
would have his yellow tile hat and
Prince Albert dyed His speech is of
an entirely different cut from the 9th
err He usually begins with the asser-
tom
This is the only redeeming feature
of the pike. the one concession that is
worthy of a place here. Think of it.
ladies' and gentlemen, live babies. real
live babies'-and then you think about
the real water-"we have them here.
and they are all alive. They are so
tiny that you can hold many of them in
the palm OF your hand. You will see
them in the tender embrace of their
mechanical fostermothers. You will
hear them cry, those little darlings,
and straightway the crowd is moved
by an irresistible yearning to hear
real live baby cry.
On the other side of the pike a
clever barker for a cheap restaurant
shouts through his megaphone.-
Here's the place to get your coffee,
that famous dr-r-rip coffee. that fame
Gus Fr-r-rrench dr-r-rrip coffee" with
a thrill a yard long. and those pies.
those gorgeous pies that beat anything
your mother-in-law ever made. Come
in here, ladies. Well teach you how
to make 'em. He'll never say any more
about what mother used TO feed him.
Step in and get a ham sandwich on the
inside. That's where you need it, on
the inside; the sandwich that will glue
the smile on so that it won't come
off"
The bankers for Creation" seems to
feel no need of being clever. And yet
| they are the cleverest of them all.
Their spiel consists merely in re-
peating. Creation. Creation with all
that that word MEANS" and by some
strange necromancy the ponderous
sentence takes hold of you magma
| ton. Here is evidently a show that is
so good, it needs no advertising. The
barker seems to he a sort of philan-
thropist devoting his valuable time to
the cause of humanity. frivolous hui
manity that is in danger of passing the
one show that would make life worth
the living. And in you gOi
In front of the temple of mirth, a
clown who measures seven-foot-four
performs queer gymnastics while the
man in the box shouts, this is the
home of fun. the palace of joy. You'll
laugh and laugh in the foolish factory
Have your buttons sewed on extra
tight when you come in here. This is
the place to get jolly. What's the
matter? Are you afraid she won't have
you? Bring her in here and we'll make
her laugh in the foolish shop. Then
pop the question on the way out. This
is headquarters for worlds fair fun
and frolic. the laughing factory, the
Temple of Mirth."
On box before the Russian thea
ire you see a handsome. buXom dam
sci who is being blindfolded. Now
you are going to get a real free show.
She is to do some occult trick, and
the men beside her tells you all about
the wonders of the show inside, of
which this is but n very small sample.
You wait and watch for the trick. and
Just when the crowd is keyed up to
the highest pitch, the girl leaps from
the box and runs into the theatre. the
crowd at her heels. She has not done
n thing. 1t was not n free show. but
fake show. yet it served its purpose.
At Mysterious Asia" between the
sieScs OF squealing and humping orr
entail music. the barker brings out a
Whitehead. beturbaned HindoO con-
jurer who turns pennies into stones
and then turns the stones back into
pennies. This much of the show is
actually free: but the barker informs
the crowd that This most estrangest
man in the world will now cause n
tree to grow right before the gaze of
the people. This is a trick. ladies
and gentlemen. the likes of which is
known nowheres but in that far-off
and most mysterious land Of the
orient. You do not know how it is
did. ! do not know how il is did
With this instruments weird strains
of music he hypnotiZes the tree out of
the ground We have so Sucb magi-