davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-08-06
OLD WARRIOR TALKS
TELLS HIS CRoNY WHAT
MEANS TO HIM.
Unlucky Result of Union Officers
Well Intended Choice of Tune
Moved the Enemy to
DESTROY L

A distinguished reJ.TeC general of the
revolutionary army. was seated on the
lawn in front of his RhUGe lsiaud avenue
home at Washington TIE other evening.
In conversation with crony. when an
itaiian with street piano stopped in
front OF the house. 1t was well tuned
street piano of the better sort, and the
old general enjoyed the music SO much
that when, at the wind-up of the second
tune, the Italian entered the yard.
smirking and holding out his hat, the
veteran officer tossed him a quarter
Then. says the New York Sun, the Ital-
ian went back to the tune machine and
began to grind out Dixie
Before half of the first measure of
Dixie had been played the retired gen.
eral rose from his bench, and, without
word to his crony, walked into his
house, through the hall and to the back
yard.
He did not return to the bench seat
beside his friend until the street piano
man had gone away down the avenue.
out of hearing. He didn't make any ex-
PLANTATION when be resumed his lawn
seat, either. But his crony was curious.
Old man. he said to the retired GEN
eral, L never knew before that you were
narrow and prejudiced. There's none of
the old soreness left in you, is there.
that you ran away from 'Dixie?'"
That's all right" calmly replied the
old officer. I'm neither prejudiced nor
narrow-nobody less so. But | got the
worst of the Dixie tune a little matter
OF forty and odd years ago, so that I've
never been able to listen to Dixie since
without becoming sort of restless.
When Gen. fitzpatrick was operating
down around Macon, tearing up rail-
roads and such like, l was with him. 1
had charge of destroying the tracks.
The Johnnies were in front of us. in
plain sight. but they didn't bother us
any.
They merely watched us across the
clearings and through the trees, and
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-08-06
THE LEAP YEAR GIRL.

The bachelor is quaking in his shiny Sheen
to-day
He goes alone. in fear and haste, and ,rem-
bles on his way;
we peers about suspiciously, and listens
~ the while
And dreams throughout the darksome night
OF running many mile:
we starts at sight of swishing skirts and
turns away in dread
&Tom all the quips and all the Quirks that
turn fellows head
Because he's heard it limited and gossped
all about,
Ehe Leap Year Girl will get him
If ne
! Don't
Watch
Out
IN every Turing, rcguish glance he sees a
peril near:
n panic strikes his heart Whenever a girl
cries: Dear, oh. dear"
AAght. flmy, airy bits of lace. or wells of
blue or black
Esem simply snares and nets to him set
slyly in his track;
80. with a stern and rigid face he rushes
down the street
nfstrusting all the other sex, of aspect sour
sweet:
because he's heard it whispered most every
place about
c''e Leap Year Girl will get him
If he
Don't
Watch
| Out.
Vhen Nineteen Four is past and gone his
vigilance will cease;
NO more he'll dodge elude. evade, but go
! his way in peace;
1erchance. when all is said and done the
happier he'd be
" he would let himself be caught by some
sweet charming She
II he were wise he'd turn about and well
come with smile,
Her every ardent, fervid look and effort to
beguile
because it's also whispered by every one
about
The Leap Year Girl might shake him
II he
Don't
Watch
Out
Roy o. Randall, in Chicago Record Her
aid.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-08-06

up" he said. pointing TO the west, butt
think ! can make one of the small
whar,es up the shore. where we can get
unde- shelter, I'm sorry to keep you out
so long
Miss Eunice turned pale, for she had
a deadly terror of lightning, but she an
swered indifferently: DO just as you
think best" and gave the rudder rope a
sharp jerk TO guide the boat into deeper
water, for in watching the gathering
storm neither of them had noticed that
the way between the islands had become
very shallow
The boat turned obediently, but in her
haste Miss Eunice had pulled the wrong
rope. The keel grated loudly on the bot
tom and the boat stopped.
Il beg your pardon said Miss Eunice.
coldly. Il should have been steering
properly"
He did not answer, but stood up and
tried to push off with an oar. The boat
did not move He tried again, but the
second effort was equally futile. There
was an ominous rumble of thunder and
great drops of rain began to splash in the
water.
He laid down the oar and looked from
Eunice with the drops glistening on her
smooth hair, to the shore, some ten feet
distant.
Its no use," he said. 81 can't bulge
IL with both of us in the boat, and Wen
have to get ashore some way. We're 60
ing to get good drenching. I'm afraid. -
"All right" said Miss Eunice. miser-
ably, and began to gather up her skirts
preparatory to wading forth into the
deep; but he was taking off his coat and
coming toward her with reckless strides.
The boat rocked and groaned on the
gravel beneath it,
She looked at him rebelliously and
|, made valiant effort TO step over the
side of the boat, but he stopped her and
buttoned his coat firmly around her
shoulders. His face was determined.
I'm sorry to make myself any more
obnoxious to you than l am already" he
said, 'but l am going to carry you
ashore"
Miss Eunice shut her eyes with a
look Of grim endurance. but her heart
was throbbing with something very
much like triumphant Joy.
He took the end of the painter in
, his hand and stepped out into the
, water.
Come. please he said, gravely.
! Tremblingly she put her arms around
his neck and he lifted her She dared not
1 open her eyes. oh, why didn't he go
faster. and yet-if the shore were emily
miles away! He was certainly standing
still. There came another terrific crash
! of thunder and she shrank against him
instinctively and opened her eyes. Per-
: haps she did not know that they were full
of tears, or that her chin was trembling
pitifully.
His face Was vcTy near hers and she
saw in ii a look that made her turn her
own way and hide It for a moment
against his collar.
Hurry. pleased" she whispered. I'm
so frightened"
No. I'm not going to-" he said. grim
ly; "Tll have my way for once. Thank
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-08-06

never even popped at us. They probably
figured that il would be no use. seeing
how greatly We outnumbered them
"One morning Gen. Fitzpatrick sent for
me to learn how l was making out with
the destruction OF the railroad He
wanted the work pushed some faster.
III tell you what you do Gen. Kill
patrick said to me. The boys always
work faster and with better will when
there's music around. You take one of
the mounted bands down to where the
gangs working and give 'em some
music. Thatll chirk them up and we
can get this job done sooner.
The music had the effect Gen. Kilpat-
rick had predicted. The boys did twice
as much work under the inspiring
strains of Hail, Columbia The Star
Spangled Banner My Country and so
on, and the Johnnies in front of us had
to fall back good deal more rapidly
than they had before the enthusiasm of
the boys had been kindled by the band
music
When the hand had run out of patri-
otto airs the leader approached me and
asked for suggestions as to what the
musicians should play then.
Well | said to the leader, those
poor devils of rebs in front of us have
behaved pretty well. They haven't even
turned their sharpshooters loose upon
us. They ought TO be rewarded. Sup
pose you just give them Dixie for
luck?'"
At this point in his narrative the old
retired general paused for a moment or
so. and looked thoughtful.
''Well?" said his crony.
well" went on the veteran, 1.-The
band hadn't wrung out more than six
bars of that Dixie tune before our ears
were numbed by the confoundedest rebel
yell you ever listened to in all your born
days, and inside of two minutes those
Johnnies in front were on top of us and
trouncing hell out of u.s."
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-08-06
Fun For
Fun
Lovers.
How She Remembered.

Binks-I don't see how you can re
member the birthdays of all the chill.
dren.
Mrs. Binks-lt's very easy. The frs
was born on August II. l remember II
because on that day you gave me pear
necklace with my name on the clasp
The second was born July 20. On tha
day you gave me 50-cent book with my
name and the date on the fly-leaf. The
third was born May 6. On that day 20,
got mad at millinery bill which ha(
just been sent in, and it isn't paid yet
N. Y. Weekly.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-08-06
Industrious and Modest.

The Teacher-There is one Of m,
brightest boys sitting over there OF
that rock writing, while his compan
ions are wasting their time in idl'
play. No doubt he is writing his les
sons out for tomorrow. Here, Jim
my, let me see what you are writing
Jimmy-No'm; / don't want to.
Teacher-Ah, see his modesty
Come, i want to read it
This is what she read: please ex
cuse my son James from school to-day
as he is needed at ho-'-Tit-Bits.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-08-06
ySskSgskSgkSkSg 81 81
TWO AND A
THUNDERSTORM
BY ALAN CRARY

M ISIS EUNICE hailed the coming OF
lyi the launch with Joy. As soon a.
the concourse of smitten youths should
complete their last last farewells to
Gladys she would sternly marshal that
popular damsel to the end of the wharf
and get safely into the boat and so
90 ghe point and the Chicago train
In prospect of the approaching mo-
ment of relief from the thankless of
flee of chaperon Miss Eunice sighed
with anticipative content and sat down
on pile of suit cases to wait.
The launch footed impatiently
There ras a stir in the group of leave
takers as a tall man. with iron gray
hair and handsome. sunburned face
suddenly climbed over the side OF
the wharf into their midst. He ex.
changed a few words with Gladys
and then turned to find Miss Eunice,
who, for some reason, was looking un
easily away, with a deep color flood
dng her thin little face
Miss Brown" he said, in what she
considered tone of respectful but
bored politeness. may have the
pleasure of rowing you and Miss
plenty of time and the luggage can
go on the tug"
Miss Eunice bit her lip angrily; re
bellious tears were very near her eyes
Il wish | could let her go alone with
you" she said, but on account of a
promise to her mother | must perse
cute the poor child to the bitter end
Will 1t not be too much trouble to row
me back againS
1T will be an added pleasure | as.
sure YOU" he answered, perfunctorily.
All the way over in the boat he and
GLADYS kept up steady flow OF frivo.
lous conversation. Yes, she would mail
him the kodak picture of herself
that would just fit his watch and he
would not forget that he was going to
send her the funny little pipe he had
smoked all summer-jusJ in memory
of their good times. you know! And
they both laughed gaily and Miss
Eunice looked out over the water and
stried not to listen. Down az the bot.
tom OF her little starved heart some
thing or other was making a very
uncomfortable disturbance.
They stood on the platform and
waved to the bright figure on the train
until a sudden curve in the track
hid it from view. then they walked
silently back to the boat
Miss Eunice ignored the strong,
brown hand extended TO help her, and
made her way alone to her seat in
the stern. She turned upon her com
panion calm and expressionless face
and kept her eyes upon the sparkling
water beyond him. For what seemed
to the man an endless period of time
the dip of the oars was the only sound
to be heard
Il think I'll try to go back between
the Islands. It's shorter" he said.
Miss Eunice felt the sting of the
last two words, out made no answer.
oh, if she could only get home. Back
IN her little, hot room at the hotel
she would cry her heart out and once
and for all and go home to the city on
the next train. Her poor, little, color.
less, middle-aged presence should
never infiict itself upon him again.
They had reached the islands now.
Nothing more than few small hill
locks of sand and gravel surmounted by
scraggy bushes The water had grow
Sfry stiN and The air was heavy
" /. FS a : 49, +'>',~- = rre. rrr,, cov,;r ~
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-08-06
Dummy Editors Are useful.

The dummy editor is very useful
in Japan. When the paper on which
he is employed extensively crticises
the government, the publication is sup
pressed, and the dummy editor" goes
to Jail The real editor changes the
name of the paper. and continues to
publish it as before
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-08-06
Explaining the Popping.

She-And now they say that coal is
a product of bacteria
He-That's funny.
Whats funny?'
"Why, they say there is bacteria in
Kisses"
Surely"
We'll, when man is sitting in front
OF coal CRATE with a girl, L suppose
the bacteria has something to do with
the popping ?"-Yonkers Statesman.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-08-06
Thoughtful.

ooh. yes" said the first automobiles.
Il always give a series Of loud toots when
see man in the road"
What" cried the other, ''you don't
mean to say you give him warning?"
Gracious! No. / mean when | see
him lying in the road after I've passed.
l toot so the people may come and take
him away. '-Philadelphia Press.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-08-06
Positively Rude

you may not believe it," said the fe-
male OF more or less uncertain age, but
when was giddy girl was positively
ugly"
"Oh. don't doubt it," replied the
heartless old bachelor; but I've often
wondered how some women managed
to preserve their yCe thful attractions so
well.-Cincinnati ENQUIRER.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-08-06
Prices Tumbling q.

Yeast-I see by this paper that lady
drummers in Berlin, seeking trade for
the department stores, make tours
around the city on bicycles, which are
arranged to carry samples and prices
of goods.
Crimsonbeak-I suppose there's a
fall ia prices every day?-Yonkers
Statesman
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-08-06
At the Shore.

Edith-When accepted Jack he said
he was in the seventh heaven of hap
piness.
Ethel-Quite likely; he's been en-
gagged to six other girls this season.
Puck.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-08-06
His Unlucky Day.

Bill-Didn't l see an automobile
stopping in front of your house last
Friday?
Jill-Yes it was waiting for me to
come out of the house, SO it could run
over me.-Yonkers Statesman.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-08-06
A Cypress Over Every Grave.

In Turkey, a Moslem grave, when
once it has been filled in, is never re-
opened on any account. With a view
to remove the faintest chance of a
grave being thus defiled. the Moslems
plant a cypress tree on every grave,
Immediately after the burial-thus
making their cemeteries resemble for
eStS
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-08-06
No Need of Telling.

Buyer (who has hastily snapped up
a bargain)-By the way. you adver-
used that you had good reasons for
selling. i forgot to ask what they
were.
Seller (grimly)-You'l find 'em out
fast enough. Ia, ta,-N. Y. Weekly.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-08-06
His Fear.

Judge" pleaded the convicted man.
edo what you like with me, but don't
send my wife to prison. too. Letter
go rree.''
Impossible" replied the judge.
sternly. You go to the penitentiary.
and she goes to the house of correc-
ton"
''Oh. that's all right! I was afraid
you was goin' to put us in the same
cell."-Catholic Standard and Times.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-08-06
Tempora Mutantur

He used to say her neck was like
swans;
But now when scornfully he snec-s
and laughs,
Her eyes resemble much a startled
fawn's-
He says her neck is quite Ike CRATES.
Judge.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-08-06
The Whole Trouble.

What's the matter little boy?" asked
old Mr.. Goodhart. What are you cry
Ing for?"
Boo, hoo!" sobbed the boy. boo,
hoo,"
Come, come! Don't mindi Don't
mindi"
Boo, hoo! l didn't, an that's what
was licked fur. "-Philadelphia Ledger.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-08-06
Her Husbands Zeal

Mrs. Jones-Here is letter want you
to mail. dear. 1t is to my milliner, coun-
termanding an order for a hat.
Mr. Jones-Here-take this cord and
tie both my hands behind my back, so
! won't forget iti-Puck.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-08-06
Interesting Ynnns Men.

yes said Miss Passeigh. Il enjoy
the society OF Mr.. Airylad. He keeps me
interested. He is always saying some
thing that one never hears from any body
else"
Really rejoined Miss Cayenne. Has
he been proposing to you, too"'--Ttt-
Bits.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-08-06
Same Then as Now

Mrs. Bacon see that pins have been
found among the Egyptian mummies,
and in the prehistoric caves of Switzer-
land.
Mr.. Bacon-Ch, yes; suppose the
fellows in other ages had as much trou-
bic getting buttons sewed on as we do
Yonkers Statesman.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-08-06
Up to the Bride

eff you ever marry" said Wedderly
to his friend, Singleton, will you go
abroad on your wedding tour?"
II certainly will if my bride can af-
ford it," answered Singleton.-Chicago
Daily News.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-08-06
Fully Competent.

Coupsel-Do you understand the ma
ture of an oath?
Witness-Sir?
Counsel-Do you understand the ma
ture Of an oath, l say?
Witness Gmpressively)-Sir, / have
driven a keb in this city for nigh on 4e
year-Pick-Me-Up.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-08-06
A Forceful LADY.

Roberts Miss Genevieve good
golf player?
Richard-Good? Say, I'd hate 10 be
a book agent and have her come after
me with broom.-Cincinnati Com
mercial Tribune
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-08-06
The Real Effort

"ukerdek says he has entirely given
up drinking and smoking. 1t must
have required a strong effort of the
will"
Il guess the real effort was one of
the imagination. st. Louis Republic.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-08-06
How 1t Happened.

"Poor chap! how did be come 70 be re-
fused by two girls?"
''Why. he didn't let either know he i'm
tended to propose to the other. Judge
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-08-06
A Dangerous Experim emf

If everybody told the truth,
In just about a week
All human beings would feel hurt
And none of them would speak.
Washington Star.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-08-06
Easily Fired.

I'm afraid our horse won't rum" said
he, when they reached the race track.
why not?" she asked.
"He has been scratched"
Good graciousi Don't people here
know anything about court plaster?"--
Philadelphia Press
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-08-06

the Lord there's no spoiled child around
for you to shove forward and hide be-
hind and this time shall have my way,
Eunicei"
He had fingered on her name daring
ly. Miss Eunice tried TO lift her eyes,
but could not. Then came another deaf
ening bolt of thunder, but neither of
them heard il. for at that very moment
something else was happening nearer ar
hand
Put me down." said Miss Eunice,
with happy little sob. "Oh, how dare
you,"
The island was small and dreary and
very wet. but such may have been the
Typographical and climatic conditions
of Paradise They tied Miss Eunice's
sun hat to an oar and prepared to sig
nal the launch when it should pass on it's
afternoon trip, for the rowboat had
sprung leak when it struck on the shall
lows. - -. ---,--..--
The rain had settled into steady driz-
zle. His shoulder was very damp, but
somehow it made rather comfortable
resting place for an equally moist
cheek.
what did you suppose was chasing
around with that youngster for, any
how"
Something incoherent was said against
his shoulder.
Supposed I was in love with her, you
say? Bless your dear little heart! I've
forgotten what the child looks like al
ready. 1t was you-you all the time
from the very first day, and you misun-
derstood me and disliked me and
wouldn't treat me decently. Oh but I've
led dogs life of it! | don't feel quite
sure yet that you love ma Do you, Eu-
nice?"
He tried to look into her eyes. but she
turned her face away, and only the coat
sleeve heard her say: ooh. my dear. nv
dear! | hope that launch will never
comei"-Farmers Review.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-08-06
Accounted For.

hNNOuutcU Z OF.
DR.. jones' fear your heart is affect
ed. miss. Do you ever experience a
smothering sensationf
Miss Gusher-Oh, yes; often.
DR.. Jones-Ah. At what times?
Miss Gusher-Well, usually right aft
Or Ferdy turns down the gas.-Judge.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-08-06
Enthusiastic.

Every evening now my good wife
Fondly greets me at the door;
And the first thing that she asks,
Is: Say, John. what's the scorer
Cincinnati ENQUIRER.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-08-06
Two of a Kind.

Her bread, of course, is not the kind
His mother used to bake;
And his dough" is far from what
Her father used to make.
Chicago Daily News
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-08-06
Slight Interruption.

he kissed her once, he kissed her twice
lie was the happiest of all men;
NO doubt he would have kissed her thrice
But her papa came IN Just then
Chicago Daily News
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-08-06

When angry turn your back TO the
other fellow and walk straight ahead
while you count half a million.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-08-06
ReVerie.

We lose much time-it goes for naught-
In wondering what we thought we though
Brooklyn Life.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-08-06

my good man." said the travelling
reformer, why in the world do you
wear such a preposterous revolver rs
that?"
Fer the same reason as you wear
SIGH a purposterous plug hat. Gully,
It's handy to take up collections with. &"
Chicago Tribune.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-08-06
Cause and Effect.

She-Gracious, how the wind does
howl tonight,
He-Yes; it probably has the tooth
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-08-06

Mr.. Collier Downe-The man who
doesn't get veXed is no man at all.
Mrs. Collier Downe-That's right
He's an angel.-Chicago Chronicle.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-08-06
le-The tool hachel

He-Yes. Have you never heard OF
the teeth Of a gale?-Chicago Daily
News.