The Birmingham age-herald., 1904-05-08

heartedness urged him to throw a pail of water on the brutes and separate them. i while his sporting instinct made him banker to let them fight it out He was so long, every time, in making up his mind, that one of the dogs was always licked. and at home. whining under the woodshed long before he had fully de- cided what he ought to do. In the mean time he had had the benefit of witness ing the fight.
 About diyorces Jim was much more positive. If marriages are made in heaven I'll give you one guess as to where .divorces are made," he used to say, but l hardly agree with him. Di- Yorces are a whole lot like surgical op- erations-painful and rather mussy, bu. mighty nseful-and I'd rather think that the marriages that later on need them were made in the other place. It's libe. on heaven to say so many botch jobs arc turned out there
 They are raising a tremendous howl just now over the fact that 7O,OOO df- vorces were granted last year in the United States, but I can't get up any more indignation over it than an old maid over a proposal of marriage. l. simply means the separation of 140,00c people who never should have been mar ried in the first place, and the sooner they got away from each other the bet ter They might raise more children
 A good thing may be rather overdone, though. l never hear of a divorce case without thinking of the peculiar love af- fairs of Mrs. Helyn Ruyth Cuthbert- El- lerson- Bangs Cuthbert- -Cuthbert Holmes Bllthersfield-Hick There is something mighty dashlng about a wo- man who has been divorced few times. and the last time I saw Mrs. Cuthbert- Ellerson- Bangs-&c she was stunning enough to make a man like Russel Sage go right out In the street and throw away money. She came of a family of children who all had different surnames, through different marriages of the mother. and she moved In an exclusive Chicago circle. where stern parents often refuse the hands of their daughters te deserving young men who are, alas, not able to provide those daughters with the amount of alimony they are accus- toned to expect.
 "Cnthbert was really her souls mate. she informed me the first time she came to see me, but the dear boy had pin wheels on the subject of South African exploration. and was determined to go away on a two years cruise. So she was after a divorce.
 "'We'1 be married again as soon az the darling fellow gets back, she said, but two years Is a long time, and no telling what might turn up. Darling Harold might get lost in the jungle for ten years before he got eaten, and 1t would take me the rest of my life tc straighten out the property. guess I've got a head like a tack, eh? So now about business. l hate to intrude cold, sordid financial lines of talk into gab- fest where the tenderest emotions of the heart are before the meeting, because I'm so refined. but here is a list of dear Harold's property, cash and income. Please get me all the alimony possible
 " But my dear Mrs. Cuthbert, think what you are about to doi' l protested, being younger then, and she beautiful. "A divorce Is a terrible thing. It is the death-bed of undying devotion; the ashes of burning love; the end of endless af- lection; the icicles of
 Excuse me- she replied, somewhat coldy, Divorce is the safety valve Of matrimony. Do you want my case or shall I take 1t elsewhere2'
 q took the case. Cuthbert was q first rate sort of fellow and helped us all he could He perjured himself with the ease of a tailor promising to bring your suit home next Saturday, compromised generously on about one-fifth the ali- lnD0A Ills Nlit dShtds anu bloNth tt7 " force the case through in almost record time His ex-wfe went to the train and cried on his shoulder the night he started for South Africa. and sobbed all the way home in the carriage. Within two weeks she had married Ellerson.
 He's a charming chap Mrs. Cuth- bert -Ellerson told me, when she came around to attend to a little property transfer Of course he can never take d'. fp y,nU a affpPtinng. h4It he's such a handy fellow to have around that I took him until Harold gets back Will loves me to distraction, but tol6 him that my heart belonged to Harold forever, and that l would have to di- vorce him before my real pet returned home. The devoted dear was so touched by my loyalty that he agreed to give me grounds for divorce any time l wanted one
 " Shades of my Puritan ancestorsv gasped when she had gone. My heredita- " ideas of morality got an awful jolt that day, but she was so matter of fact about 1t that before night l had re- solved. If ever l had an infant son. to start an alimony fund for him at birth got another shock when she came in two or three months later and announced that she wanted divorce from Eller- son.
 "'Why I thought he was just about the star utility man T the big league! exclaimed Whats the tronhle?'
 No trouble whatever she assured me will is just the dearest man-of course nothing to approach dear Harold, but still one of the most perfectly love ly fellows on earth. But l have met my affinity--next to Harold, that is. It al, began by my edging up among the blue ribbon favorites in the Society sweep stakes. You know up to the time of my first divorce, while l had good glaring acuuaintance with all the social record breakers. dear Cuthbert and l never fig- ured except in the list headed Among those present." I got sweel dope sheet record, though out of my divorce and now I guess the most of the field IS trailing along with my dust in their drlp- ping eyes
 Real Society like that is worth going after l interjected pausing to remember that Mr Ellerson was a very horsy man and spent most of his spare time at the track By way of amusement 1 should think the smart set had the small pox and the penitentiary beaten by Sab bath days journey
 'Ain't 1t the goods! she enthusiastic cally agreed. Well. it was at my very first crush after I married Will that met Reginald de Peyster Bangs. and