The news & observer., 1904-12-04
ABSENCE MAKES The HEART
GROW FONDER--SOMETIMES
By Dor thy Dix
4 4 4 = =

In these perilous matrimonial times,
when it is equally difficult to catch
husband and to keep him after you
get him, no question is OF more real
heart interest to woman thah the
effect that absence has upon love-
Is a. woman most sure of beng In
mans thoughts when she is so d.
rectly under his eyes that it is phys
ically impossible feat to forget her,
or does he think most tenderly OF
her when she is far away, and her
very remoteness makes a transflgur-
ing haze that conceals all her faults
and magnifies her charms? In other
words should the woman who desires
to retain the affections of a man give
him her society in allopathic or home
opathic doses?
This is a problem concerning which
there is a diversity of opinion in
feminine circles both as regards be-
fore and after marriage, some con-
tending that man is but creature
of habit, imperfectly domesticated at
best, and that it is never safe to let
him quit eating out of your hand,
while others hold that more love is
bored to death than is killed in any
other way. And both of these oppo-
site theories have right on their side
TO a certain degree.
There is no doubt that proximity
is great matchmaker. The real
answer to why ninety-nine people
out of a hundred married the par
ticular Individual that they did is
because chance threw them together
and nearness did the rest. They
had no real attraction for each other.
There was no special congeniality be-
tween them, but just because he hap
pened to be the man in evidence and
she the woman, and nobody stepped
in to prevent them, they fancied them
selves in love, and so they were mar
ried
There are certain psychological mo-
ments in all of our lives when we can
honestly think ourselves in love with
anybody. The genial glow engendered
by a good dinner has led many a man
to propose matrimony to a woman
he never thought of an hour before.
A sudden wave of pity, of sympathy,
of tenderness, or of loneliness has
made a woman say Eyes at last TO
the suitor she has. refused a dozen
times. 1t is a plain case of the time
arriving when you must love some one
and to the person nearest is handed
out the prize package of sentiment.
All of this makes an enormously
strong argument in favor of a woman
staying at home and looking after
her fences, and this is especially i'm
pOrtant before marriage. Indeed, Wo-
man who removes herself to a distance
during the days of courtship may al
most be said to have thrown down
her best weapon. She is firing at long
range, instead of short range, and the
successful feminine conquerors all
know that a man will present arms
to the woman who follows the revo-
lutionary warriors advice and waits
until she is close enough to see the
whites of his eyes and then-shoots.
Nothing appeals to man like the
sight of a woman in love with him,
and to remove this spectacle from his
range of vision is to clip Cupid S
wings. 1t is the spectacle of her flat
tering preference for him that first
attracts many q mans notice to some
particular woman. 1t is the knowi-
edge of how pleased she will be that
tempts many a man into making love
to a woman when he simply hasn't
the nerve to break an engagement
and hurt the woman who adores him
that sends many a secretly unWill-
ing bridegroom to the altar. OF
course, the value of devotion is just
as great. intrinsically, far as near, but
its effect upon man is not so great.
It is the difference between kissing
a photograph and the original-thc
difference between saying things in
a letter and by word of mouth, and
SO absence is no friend to the woman
who is trying to win mans love.
She needs to be lly-on-the-spot.
In way. a love affair is like a
business deal-you have to keep the
interest worked up in it if lou pull
it off successfully. This is why the
best method yet devised by diplomacy
for breaking off unsuitable matches
is to separate the couple and fill their
lives with new interests. 1t is true
that this plan does not always work,
for there are few faithful souls
the ardor of whose affections neither
time nor distance can cool. but in
the majority of cases absence gently
and painlessly but effectually drugs
love to death. Unless we happen to
live in the same community fe Wof us
marry our first love. The young man
who bids his weeping sweetheart
goodbye as he starts out into the
world to seek his fortune swears to
her that when he becomes rich and
famous that he Will return to claim
her for his own. He does, indeed,
return in after years, but not to lead
his faithful love to the altar, as she
has been happily married to the
grocer this many year, and he has
an interesting family of his own,
so effective has absence been.
If propinquity is so valuable in
courtship, it would seem that it ought
to be equally valuable in matrimony.
If man falls in love with a woman
because she is the one in sight it
looks as il the only logical and safe
thing for her to do is to keep herself
always on view, and many wives sub
scribe to this faith. There are wo-
men who never leave their husbands
for q single day, and who insist upon
sharing all of their spouse's work and
pleasure. They drag around the
country with their Johns when John
goes off on a business trip: thev learn
to play golf because John likes it,
though they hate it; they pretend an
enthusiasm for fishing. though they
loath it, in order that their husbands
may never be out of their sight Theirs
is the matrimonial trust spirit
to establish such a monopoly on a
man that it will head off all compe-
tition.
1t cannot be denied that there is
much TO establish in support of this
view of the situation. There is moth
ing for keeping a man at home OF
evenings like knowing he has to