The Savannah morning news. (Savannah, Ga.) 1900-current, 1904-12-04

TIL fence last? What's that story?
Tell it over here where Garner can't
hear. 1t might make him laugh an
hurt him with his friend Fletcher.
| No? What? Ye don't say? An didn't
Carney resist it? Haw haw, haw!
This eyesther sauce is tn best I liver
see. Michael, this is like oil times.
look at Schwartzmeister. He's Fetch
ing too. No. be CORY, he's chokin. l
think Carneys watch has stopped. No
wondher; he's loolSin' at 1t. Haw, haw,
haw, haw, haw. l good joke on Car
ney. Did we liver see such face?
Carney. me buck, We look like a kline
! toscope. What is a face without a
stomach? Carney, we make me nerv-
Gus. If that there idol don't stop f'r
a minyit, I'll throw something at it.
| Carney, times up. Ye win ye'er bet
but twas a foolish wan. I thought
We were goin' to push Fletcher in a
wheelbarrow."
i've known lawn Carney, man an
boy, FIR forty years, but l niver knew
ontil that minyit that he was a muir
dher at heart. TIL look he give us
whin he snapped his watch was tur-
rble; but tn look he give tn dinner
was aven worse. He set there FIR two
mortal hours miditatin' what form tn
assassynations wud take an Fletchin'
each wan iv us in his mind. 1 walked
uOule WITH MIN 10 see IndI ne came TO
no harm. Near tn house he wint into
a bakers shop an bought four pies
| an bag iv doughnuts. I've promised
! to take thin home to me wife, he says.
| thought she was out iv town., says
|. She'll be back in a week. says he;
an anyhow, Misther Dooley, TN
thank We not to be pryin' into me do
mestic affairs he says.
An there We ar-re What's the use
iv goin' up again tn laws iv nature,
says l. If nature intinded We to be
| little roly-poly, a little roly-poly ven
be. They amt anything to do that
we ought to do that'll make we thin
an keep We thin. TIL wan thing in
tn wurruld that'll rayjooce we surely
IS lack iv sleep an who wants to lose
| his mind with his flesh. I'll guarantee
with TIL aid iv an alarm clock to make
amy man Twin skiliton in thirty
| days. A lady with a young baby won't
niver get no chubbier, nor tn gintle-
man, its father. TIL ony ginooine
anti-fat threatment is sickness, worry,
throuble an insomnya. TIL scales
amt amy judge iv beauty or health.
| To be beautiful is to be nachral We
have gr-reat nachral skinny beauty
while my good looks is more buxom.
| Whin l see an Of fool in a sweater an
| two coats sprintin' up the sthreet an
| groanin' at ivry step, / want to jine
with tn little boys that ar-re THROWN
] bricks at him. If he takes off tn flesh
that nature has wasted on his on
grateful frame, his skin won't fit him
They'se nawthin' more heejous to look
at thin a fat man that has rayjooced
his weight. He looks as though he had
| bought his GOVERN at an auction. 1t
bags undher tn eyes an don't fit In
tn neck.
"A man is foolish that thries to be
too kind to his stomach, anyhow.
Fletcher's idee is that tn human
| stomach is a kind Nv little Ford Faun-
| tleroy. If We give ii much to do, il
Will pine away. But Dock Casey tells
me it's gr-reat, husky, good-natur-
| ed pugilist thatll take on most an
nything that comes along. It will go
| to wuruk with grim resolution on a
piece iv hard coal. 1t will get tn
worst iv 1t but what / name is that
it fears no foe an doesn't dhraw tn
color line. 1 wud put it in tn heavy
middleweight class an 1t ought to be
kept there. 1t requires plenty iv ex-
ercise to be at its best an If it
doesn't get enough, it loses its power
ontil a chocolate eclair might win
against 1t. 1t mustn't be allowed to
shirk its jooties. 1t shud be kept in
thrainin', an, says Dock Casey, if its
owner is good matchmaker an
doesn't back it again opponents that
ar-re out iv its class or too nanny at
wan time, it will still be dom well
when tn brain is on'y fir FIR light ex-
ercise."
"D'ye expict to go on accumylatin'
to tn end iv ye'er days?" asked Mr..
Hennessy.
II do that" said Mr.. Dooley. II ex-
pict to make me frinds wurruk FIR me
to tn last. They'll be no gayety
among tn pallbearers at me obsequies.
They'll have no sinycure. Befure they
get through with me they'll know
they've been to a funral."