Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1904-02-12
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Held give up all my millions to
have you" Shelf you did you
wouldn't have me-Smart Set.
Citizen-How can you be tired when
you are doing nothing? Tramp
reckon it's cause dere's so much Nv
it ter do.-Chicago News.
Ascum-Well, well! I congratulate
you, old man; and how is the baby to
be named? Popley-By my wife's peo-
pie, it seems s.-Philadelphia Press.
| Wife-When we go anywhere now
we have to walk. When we were only
engaged you always called carriage.
Husband-That's why we have to walk
now.
Blunt hear Blones has stopped
gambling. Front-That's true. l bet
stop, and he took me up.-Yonkers
Herald.
Georgiana-We are not old. Juliana
oh, yes, we are, my dear. Georgiana
We'll, we are just as young as any
girls of our age in town.-Indianapol
Journal. .--..
Snaso-This souvenir habit is getting
to be something fierce. Rodd-I should
say so. I know of a man who visited
a friend and took his friends wife as
a souvenir.
Little Willie-What is the difference
II,
Pa-Character Is a luxury, my son,
while reputation is a necessity.-Chi-
cago Daily News.
Scribblehard-I believe I've written
myself out; don't seem to have an
idea left Penhandler-Well, why
zines, then?-Life.
The LADY, gave you a piece Of
pie last week, and you've been sending
your friends here ever since. The
Tramp-You're mistaken, lady; them
was my enemies.-Judge.
"She claims to have studied music"
"Well, she has, after a fashion" How
is that?' 'Why, she has studied the
pronunciation of the names Of the great
composers. ."-Chicago Post.
$50 you were in London, eh? How
did you find the weather thereT' Il
hunted me up and surrounded me in
chunks" s."-Philadelphia Press.
Wife-Now, don't you think my new
hat is Il perfect dream? Husband
Well, no. To be a perfect dream the
bill attached to it should also be mere
ly a dream.-Philadelph Press
Didn't she have some trouble in
hiding from her husband the present
she was going to give him?" Not
bit. She put it in one Of the pigeon
holes of his desk" k."-Chicago Tribune.
She-And you don't think there is
through our lives without a quarrel.
He-There is always fighting chance,
dear.-Cincinnati Commercial Tribune.
Yes, his painting attracts a great
many people," "Great artist, eh?'
mo, just a house painter. He puts
out a sign, Fresh Paint and everyone
touches it to see if it's y."-Chicago
News.
Jack-Miss Fay, will you marry
me? Fay-I wouldn't marry you If
you were the last man on earth! Jack
oh, I say. that't rather hard, L
Fay-Goose! How could L? Who'd
perform the ceremony?
He-We must economic. Suppose,
darling, that you try your hand at
making your own clothes. She-Oh,
George, dear, I never could do that.
Suppose 1 begin by trying to make
yours ?-The New Yorker.
A stout man met a sad-faced man
ON the corner. Sir" said the stout
man, "can you recommend a good bar
ber to me?" Sir" replied the sad
faced man, II cannot. 1 have my hair
cut at thome"-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Mrs. Crocker-You don't like your
soup?' Well. must say, YOU are the
hardest man to satisfy there ever was!
Mr. Crocker-People who know you
are my wife have quite a different
opinion, my dear.-Boston Transcript.
Hiller-Was that your son I saw
you with yesterday? Dale-The young
chap who was giving me advice how
to succeed in business and to make a
place for ones self in the world? Yes,
that was George.-Boston Transcript.
Didn't hear your wife refer to
you as the human mince pie?" said the
curious person. YES" answered Mr..
Sirius Barker. "Is that a complaint?'
Not exactly. She means that I nev-
er agree with anybody |!
Star.
''.rhat boy Of yours what went to |