The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1904-04-07


it ran about as follows:
Now, then, out yer come, We old ]
rascal, and never mind the necktie and |
collari''
Gentlemen says. as L forces my
self to be calm, 'stharseems to be some |
misunderstanding here
Not a bit Of it." chuckled the may |
or. We've bin hopin' you'd come
this way for the last three months
But what is the situashun %
Its just this. Thar is no longer
any sorror IN Oklahoma for you to
sOrrer With-nO more pain and aches
for your AIieviator to alleviate. Thar
/ is no call, therefore, for you to travel
around any more"
Then kin gracefully retire, pre-
You kin, and in order to make it
more graceful we propose to put on
1 the tar and feathers and accompany
/ you little away out O. town Don't
/ hang, back old man. You should be
glad that sorrer is no more. and that
| heartaches hev bin turned into whoops
1 of reioicin''
conscience. and the shield of integ-
r1ty, Which may remark are not
Wuth dunn agin pistol or a club,
and so 1 had to accompany the depu-
tashun to the public squar', where
about 200 enthusiastic Gin Fizzers
awaited my comm. Also, a kettle of
| tar and a bag of feathers.
Thar was great unanimity among
| them thousand patriots. Every single
one OF them wanted to see the tar
ana feathers applied. I was given OPP
portunity to make a speech and I
| throwed myself headlong into the
breach, but my heroic gestures only
/ provoked laughter and my fervid eIo-
quence only helped to heat the tar.
hadn't got down to the battle of
Bunker Hill yet when the crowd be-
| came impatient fur the circus to open.
| ana L would hev been made victim
! IN a mint more but for a jestfce of
/ the peace who SfRnnad
spoke in favor of law and order. He
| didn't want to see the crowd alto
gether dIsappointed, and he offered
TO furnish a dog in my place. He had
| bought bottle of my Pain Alleviator
| IN the town of Happy Day to cure a
crick in the back, and it had taken
All the haIr off his head and bIistered
| his nose. He was down on me per-
| sonally, but it was goin' too far to
| tar and feather me. 1 was Jest the
sort o critter. as nigh as he could
set the town back fifty years, and I
was one O. them oily kind that tar
wouldn't cling to. anyhow.
| The crowd wanted their Wav and
tried to boot the iestice down. but
he stuck to it and prevailed in the end
They used the tar and feathers on a
took me to the city limits and gave
me the boot. and thrust me forth into
the darkness and warned me to be
fifteen miles away before daylight.
| my grashoDDer in a bottle all but
honor was left behind. and wan
dered in the darkness forlorn and
| broken man. For the fust half hour
it was hard to make myself believe
| that SIGH things had happened to me
to me- who had lifted up the heart
broken and cheered the discouraged
from end to end of the Territory. and
who had sold Pain Alleviator for rs
cents that would have been cheap at
40, and I found myself sayin':
kind IS brought clus to the tar
kettle"
And also:
Virtue is its own reward. and it's
g1nerally mighty pore show
And likewise:
He who seeketh for gratitude seek
eth for a bed of thistIes''
After awhile, however hone came
back to my heart and determinashun
to my soul, and I went into camp un-
der cottonwood tree to await events.
Ihey come along about sunrise. AS
looked back over the road lords Gin
Fizz I saw the Mayor comm my way
with my outfit He was headed for
Stop Here, and was doubtless intend
in to dispose of the bizness to a fakir
who was givin' a panorany show over
thar on guarantee of a dollar
night for three nights. 7 hid myself
in the grass till the Mayor draWed
nigh. The bloom of happiness was on
his cheek, and from his lips issued the
strains of "A Hot Time" He had
taken me IN and done for me, and he
supposed me miles away at that hour.
In the midst of this contentment I Fiz
up and seized and stopped the old
boss, and then advancin to the wagon
gently asked him to drap the lines and
descend to the grass.
"Durn me. if it hain't the same
mani" he exclaimed, after lool1in' me
over
Pilgrim Joe, at your service
but you was run outer town.
'Jist so, but I didn't stay run. Wilt
descend and accept of SIGH cOurtesies
as the occashun offers? AS nigh as l
kin make cut you hev a great grief
burdenin' your soul and I would
| tighten it. Thar is sorrer tuggin' at
your heart strings and I would re-
place 1t with happiness. Thar is dis
trust of mankind in your eye, and 1
would give you confidence in hui
mainly. Come down, Teller critter-
come down
He didn't wan to. but human aid
: and that tar kettle was two miles