Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1904-01-20

| week before had taken the elephant
on a board bill and another man
seized the giraffe as payment for a
gallon of coal oil used to light the
tent with. He told me confident
tally that coal oil was away up and
giraffes cheap as dirt over there on
the raging Kickapoo. He said the
man gave him a lamp wick with
the coal oil and he threw in his rhi-
noceros for good measure. The
tiger died Of grief at having no
elephant to climb. l asked him if [
was too late to see the hippopota-
mus gnaw the leg off the colored
gentleman and he said they were
lynching niggers SO fast in the south
that the price had gone up and he
had to cut that act out of the pro-
gram-and besides he had traded
the hippopotamus to a Muscoda
man for a couple of salt barrels to
make lemonade stand.
They did have one pretty fair
freak, but it was in the side show
and cost extra. From listening to
the spieler who was telling about it
I gathered that it was first seen 60
ing up the wall by fellow with the
jim-jams who pronounced it a
whashiShname of the nightmare
variety and was captured later up
tree in Kentucky cave eating a
sewing machine. [ may have mis-
understood him, but its 10 differ
ence. I went in to see the animal.
At first glance it looked like cross
between a baldheaded man and a
muskrat for there was bare spot
on it's back and it had web feet 1t
! was about as big as any other ami
NAL it's size and had no more tail
than a three card flush or a billiard
ball. 1t had teeth like a gopher,
head like sheep, eyes like deer,
ears like rat, feet like duck, bris-
ties like hog and smelled like an
army beef scandal. 1t would eat
hay or fruit or meat. | asked the
man what he called it and he said
he would give any man four hun
dred dollars who would name it. |
offered to name it Jack for $3.50 but
he said he could get it named Bill
oyer in Indiana for 5000. When
came down to 5000 he backed out.
Nobody knows it's sex but tits sup
posed to be a cross between a male
and female-aS it doesn't wear q
hustle or suSpenders.
AS looked about for the rest OF
the geological wealth it began I'd
dawn on me that the bills lied.
found snake and little old kettle
stomached uncurried sacred COW
that looked like a scrub calf raised
on buttermilk and potato peelings
There was also mountain goat
which was very strong attraction
It's smell alone was worth the price
of admission for any man fond Of
limburger cheese. Hooked for the
army Of performers from nearly
every land" but guess the gunny
sack leaked for all I could find OF
them and the beautiful damsels was
an. old scarecrow with hardly
enough fat on her to grease a gun
lock. The band kept up such hui
laballoo that I couldn't hear what
the ringmaster said but I think h
introduced her as Madmoisellt
Chimpanzee called Pansy for short
She did some trapeze work which
was pretty good but right in the
midst of it the boa constructor KICKED
a board off his box and swallowed
the sacred COW. A tent han(
noticed it and grabbed the cow by
the tail just before she disappeared
and the showmen and the audience
rushed to the rescue.
They tied a rope to the cows tai
and half the crowd pulled on i
while the rest held the snake. Un
fortunately the tail pulled out b.
the roots and the crowd at tn
rope fell backwards and knocked
the band stand down killing tn
slide trombone player while thos
at the other end fell over the
lemonade stand with the snake IL
their arms. The monkey made
flying leap to get away but Eel
into the lemonade can and drowned
and they had to mark it down t.
half price-the lemonade | mean
They finally tied the snakes tai
around the centerpole and hitche(
the goat to the cow. The goa
was so strong that it pulled the
snake in two. This was cons1d