The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1904-02-06
THE N0NPAREJL MAN

the Cow, Pronounces a Noble Euioey on
One Of Mans Best Lady Friends-Words
That Thrill and Burn Spoken About
That Noble Animal That Has Done So
Much for Humanity.
Speaking of the other SEX do not know
of a more noble eulogy than that pro-
nounced in recent auction sale at
Springfield, ILL.,, on the COW. Colonel F. w.
Woods was the eulogist and the words he
uttered deserve to give him the appella-
ton of the Bob Ingersoll of the Cow
Colonel Woods said:
"Of all the animal friends of man she is
the greatest. To her we owe the most.
wish that I, as you are about to sit
down to the monday meal, might remove
from your table what the cow has placed
thereon. I'd take the cup of milk waiting
at baby's chair. I'd take the cream, the
cheese, the butter. the custard pie the
cream biscuit, the steak, the smoking
roast Of beef, and leave you to make a
meal Of potatoes, beets, pickles and tooth
picks.
There is not a thing from nose to tail
but that is utilized for the use of man.
We use her horns to comb our hair her
skin upon our feet. her hair keeps the
plaster upon our walls, her hoofs make
glue, her tail makes SOUP she gives us
our milk, our cream, our cheese and but
ter, and her flesh is the greatest meat Of
the nation, her blood is used to make our
sugar white her bones are ground to fer
tilize our soil and even her paunch she
herself has put thru the first chemical
process necessary for the production of
the best white cardboard, and they have
discovered that such paper can be made
into the finest quality of false teeth
No other animal works for man both
night and day. BY day she gathers food
and when we are asleep at night she
in h1 n RI atoayry -
into all things Of which speak
"She has gone with man from Plymouth
Rock to the setting sun! It was her sons
that turned the first sod in the settlers
clearing; it was her sons that drew the
prairie schooner for the sturdy pioneers
as, inch by inch, they fought to prove
that westward the star Of empire takes
its way with the old COW grazing behind,
and when the days march was done she
came and gave the milk to fill the mothers
breast to feed the sucking babe that was.
perchance. to become the ruler Of his
country. Who says that much of what we
are we do not owe to mans best friend
the COW? Treat her kindly, gently, for
without her, words fail to describe the
situation
Anyone who reads these noble words
will feel when he meets the COW here
after, like taking off his hat to her There
| is an old song,
"A Boys Best Friend Is His Mother
Perhaps next to the mother, she who is
! the best friend to the boy is the COW
| Stand up for Minnesota, Her cow popu-
| lation is large and it is a growing one The
Minnesota COW. like Grandmother shir-
| ley, that ornament of advancing age
has one foot among the stars.
Rev. G. L. Morrill, is going to get in on
the ground floor on a new theater building
An organ is to be put in for Dr. Morrill, to
| nay nd brill I,o
Mr.. Rogers has to get jackscrew under
| it,
The Spring Valley Mercury shows how
very. very dangerous it is not to pay Your
subscription. During December two men
who owed the Mercury subscription.
were unable to escape their pursuing con-
science, and committed suicide. The Mer-
curry fears that there are others who, may
suffer from this new form of mercurial
poisoning.
/ Miss Alice Roosevelt's birthday is a legal
holiday in Minnesota. incidentally. Presi-
dent Lincoln was born on the same day
/ Ex-secretary Whitney was rich enough
to afford the most complicated kind of
appendicitis.
The Springfield CMass.) Republican was
all broken down BECAUSE when Governor
Taft arrived at San Francisco there was
a military escort on hand. It is true tina t
the governor had no time to stop, but took
a hack 1mmedfat ely to catch the next out
4 going train for Washington, but the Re-
publican cares not for that; the gilded
trappngs Of royalty were there, Our
! blood bought liberties are in pretty punk
way when the troops come out to greet a
distinguished American.
IL ,.1,s
schinsky, having become quite we'll known
as a weather guesSer the Russian gov
eminent kept tabs on him and showed that
he was right just so per cent of the time
AS any good guesser could come up to this
average where the weather is Topping
constantly, the government considered that
lit had M. Demtschinsky down and out
But no. The peasant preferred his wealth
er forecasts founded on the moon rather
than on meteorological observation of the
government. and SO continues to cough by
Demtschnsky.
Colonel Edward A. Bromley now has for
sale a photograph of the first settler being
scalped by the Indians before breakfast
The group kindly stood while the artist
worked his daguerreotype machine.
In this extremely changeable weather do
not neglect to fortify your system with
| Bunyons DogPaw.
The Fairmont News chronicles a new
form of sport. 1t is practieed by the hunt
eEs along the lake shore who shoot into
the fishing houses out on the ice Some
Of these hunters of the; opinion that
a fshhouse makes a good target. That is
not so bad so long as no one is within But
as many of the fisherman now use oil
stoves from which no smoke develops to
warn the gunner of the presence of any
one in the house the shooting is likely to
result in getting the fisherman Life in
surance on fishermen has risen to war
rates at Fairmont this week The boys
confidently expect to get a fisherman yet.
Brownie the best all -around canary in
. the city, has rival. The other day a
very fine yellow bird appeared at the old
homestead. After a place had been found
for his cage and after he had taken his
surroundings the new bird lifted up his
fluted bird song with trimmings on it tina t
thrilled the very piano strings.
: When Brownie heard that song the
feathers on his head stood straight up and
then laid down so fiat that he had every
appearance Of a hawk. AS soon as his
agitation had subsidized a trife he Kissed
between his clenched bill:
"Ha! rival!''
AS he listened to the other birds lay a
, fine expression of contempt soon settled
. on his bill and opening his mouth he
poured forth a burst of melody that sound
ed like shrill steam siren hollering
dinner at p. m. AS he bit off the last
note he cooked his head with an expires