The Savannah morning news., 1904-09-04
MR.. D q OLE
THE AUTOMOBILE
BY F. P. DUNNE.
Copyright 1904, by Mcclure Phillips Co.
BY F. P. DUNNE.
Copyright, 1904, by Mcclure. Phillips & Co.

N(OOOOOOOOOOOOO ONANOOOOOOOO y
ways timpers justice with marcy an
Jumpers mercy with timper. l will not
be hard on We. 1t is ye'er first offince.
l will merely sintince We to be hanged.
An let this narrow escape be a warn
in to ye,' he says.
Such, Hinnissy, is tn happy life an
arly death iv tn millionaire with tn
autymobill Did 1 liver r-ride in wan?
Almost wanst. Wan day l hear a
cry iV xii him. followed by a shower
" bricks an l knew some millyon-
aire was out FIR jaunt or a spin or
pinch in his autymobill. Who shud
tn millionaire be but Hogan. He
has a frind who is a Fr-rinch shower.
TIL MILLIONAIRE an his companion JUS
got to me dure a yard in front iv
tn excited popylace. 1 whit out an
Gained tn Deasanthry with a few
well-chosen kicks an Hogan asked me
to go FIR spin as far as Brighton
Park. But JUS as I was about to step
into me proper place in s'ciety along
with Jawn w. Gates, tn autymobill
had convulsyon. I heerd a terri
five rumblin' in it's inteeryor, it groan-
ed an coughed, an thried to jump up
in tn air. Something is WRONG
with ye'er ir'nhorse,' says I. He's ct
something that don't agree with him
Ye ought to take him to a vet Come
along, says Hogan. No., says I, III
not r-ride no autymobill with tn cpl
zootic. Ye ought to be took up be
the s'ciety FIR tn previntyon iv crool-
ty to autymobills. Get out an lead it
back to tn barn says I. 'Ye're crazy
says he. It's all right says he. Alley
says he to tn shower. Alley be
dam'd' says tn shower. TIL biler's
leakin.' Him an Hogan got down on
the sthreet an got out a plumbers, a
blacksmith's an a carpenters outfit,
put on overalls an wint to wurruk.
This is fine sport, says 1. It's
regal I says. How happy a black
smiths helper mus be to get two dol
lars day FIR bein' an autymobilist.'
Shut up, says Hogan firm undher
tn car. When he come out,
he looked as though he'd been coalin'
a liner. It's all ready now SAYS he
But it wasn't TIL shower wint to th'
front an turned a crank. A few bars
iv Wagner followed an thin tn, auty-
mobill resigned. TIL shower said some
thing in Fr-rinch be which l recog-
nized that he come firm tn same
arondissemint in la belle Roscommon
as mesilf an turned again. TIL auty-
mobill groaned an thrembled, Hogan
begun to bounce on his seat, tn shower
lept into tn car, pulled five levers, put
on tn hard pedal an thin tn soft,
blew his horn an iran into an ice
wagon. We're off, wells Hogan, we
ARE says I, am so is ye'er back tire
FIR wan iv tn little earnest wurrukers
among tn popylace had been busy
with a knife. At this nninyit a polls
man come along. 'Ye're undher ar
rest says he. What FIR says Hogan.
FIR exceedin' tn time limit 1 timed
ye at sixty miles an hour firm Halsted
sthrett,' he says. An says Hogan.
It az fuyn t., Cok
meisters saloon he says. AN I'll
have We up befure me uncle, Captain
Hogan, tomorrow FIR exceeding TIL
sleep limit an I'll make a stirring iv
ye'er buttons FIR tn childher,' he says
In tn manetime' he says go an ketch
thief he says. Thin he got down
out iv tn autymobill. Sullivan he
says to tn shower, take that insthru-
mint iv torture back to tn asylum
he says / don't want to be a mil
yonaire,' he says. With ye'er permis-
sion, Martin, I'll go in, warsh me face
an raysume me station as d poor, but
clane citizen he says.
AN there We ARE 1 don't want
amy autymobill, Hinnissy l don't
want to pay tin thousan' dollars to be
unpopular I'd rather have tn smiles
iv tn poor as 1 walk amongst THIN
on me two shapely legs thin rayceive
tn brickbats iv tn same in a circus
wagon attached to a cook stove. If l
want to be a blacksmith, I'll jine tn
union an get me four a day An if
I'm to be arristed at all, FIR hivin's
sake let it be f'r drunkenness.
do I think tn autymobill has come
to stay? Sure, I'll niver tell we. I've
seen all tn wurruld but me on roller
stakes. I've seen ivrybody ridin' a
bicycle but me. Tin years ago, whin
yeer son was holdin' on to ye'er
arms as We reeled up tn sthreet on
a wheel, sayin' ye'er prayers wan min
yit an tn revarse another, We tol'
me that tn bicycle had come to stay
because it was nicissry to get around
quick To-day We blush as 1 mintion
it. TIL autymobil will stay till it gets
cheap enough FIR ivrybody to have wan. |
Whin tn little eager messenger boys
horsepower Demon Terror, tn rich |
will be flynn kites or r-runnin' balloons
an they'll be parachute foorce iv
polismen to chase them acrost tn |
skies. Be that time ivrybody will have |
larned to dodge tn autymobill. That's |
a good plan FIR poor people anyhow. |
Dodge tn exthravagances Nv tn r-rich. |
They're sure to bust tire soon or
late"
Il think they ought to be locked up |
FIR tearin' through tn sthreets," said |
Mr.. Hennessy.
well. maybe" said Mr.. Dooley. !
But don't we think a man that owns |
an autymobill is punished euough?"