The labor world. [volume] (Duluth, Minn.) 1896-current, 1904-12-31
] H [0O: BUSY
WITH H|S:>:PE.N
He Should Have Stuck to
Printing Business More
Closely. -.
From the WASHINGTON Star:

erumpy-loolking man with the accor-
alon- pleated and moulting cheroot,
that the late B. Franklin of Philadel-
phia had stuck to his job printing and
ktte-hying stunts throughout his long
and useful life. I can't think Of any
parcel OF literary junk that has contrib
uted more misery and keen suffering
to the world than those Poverty Dick
maxin1s of his.
Take that early bed early to-
rise-saw, for example. Far be it from
me to fail, but I am bound to believe
that when the late B. Franklin allow
ed that one to slip into his life and
letters he was frivoling with marked
down, n1isGt hop-toi and inhallng a
counterband brand Of the poppy smoke.
Fellers, early to bed and early to rise
Is what makes The Man With the
Hoe. The Man With the Hoe is all
right, as vaguely portrayed on one OF
those misty pictures for which packers
Of American pigs feet are willing to
| cough up $350,00O now that the paint
| to the matter Of taking comfort, The |
| Man With the Hoe doesn't or didn't
| know that he is or was alive.
1.-THE average man who isn't early !
to bed and early to rise wouldn't know |
any more about manipulating a hoe
than he would about shoeing a zebra,
| but the fun that he cOntrives to snag
out of the game Of life is just some
| thing scandalous.
II have cut into the trails Of quite
| large assortment of healthy, wealthy
and wise persons in the progress of my
sin-strewn career, and at least nine
out of ten of them were shameless
turning down the coverlets Of their
little white cots until about a. m,
and who never under any circumstance
es DOTTED their nighties for their break
fast raimept until the position Of
bright Phoebus in the circuInambient
or la. m.
ION the other hand, the great bulk
of the early to- bed and-early- to-rise
bunch with whom I've been thrown
into contact nave been persons with
deep, careworn pouches under their
eyes, planted there by their lifelong
necessity Of scrambling out Of bed Of
mornings around the hour when joe
und day stands tiptoe on the misty
mountain top, for the purpose of cop
ping out their 81 or SO per diem for the
monthly rent and shoes, and things for
the wife and towheads.
mo man in this era and epoch is fit
to mtngle with his kind anyhow, un-
. til after the glorious orb Of day has
been dancing in the blue for quite an
appreciable number Of hours. The
mists and fogs Of the normal mans
innate and Unborn crabbedness are not
| dissipated until the dew has all been
J drunk up by the radiant charioteer OF
Z the heavens. Nine male persons out Of
ten wake up with grouch that IS only
, to be dissolved by those whose cir
!. cumstances permit them to gaze dopily
. at the ch1ffonier for a while, and then
D get up and pull the curtat ms down a
! | bit fartt>~ and: then fall into their
i hunks, for Just about one hundred and
-ssEtWenty more moments of slumber:
1.-THE ghoulish glee which springs in
i the male bosom after the performance
:. Of the simple act Of crawling out of
e bed and gazing abstractedly for cou-
Y pie Of minutes at the throng Of other
I fellows on their way to work Is some
thing that can't be expressed in any
n known dialect or patois, living or
: dead.
1.-THE early-to- bed proselyte, who
g has been compelled to turn in before
d the rejecting pullets and capons have
e picked out a soft spot for their perches
gloomtly thinks, as he pulls the COW
: ering over himself before he Is half
way sleepy, Of the fun the late-to-bed
= gang must be having around In the
q haunts where there is always some
. thing happening, and he forthwith be-
$ comes jealous and peevish.
n "Au of which, fellers, is apropos OF
q the fact that myself had to arise at
Q something like Of the dial this morn
ing to go down to the depot to meet
> a Zebulon cousin Of my wtfe's, who
stopped off in Washington to see the
capitol and the Nay-shun-al Mu-see-
UNI, b'hokey, on his way to the St
Louis fair; and if I've been fit to be
n seen or heard at any individual NOM
u ent since got up at that gloomy hou,
= then it's up to somebody to help me
1t out with my alibi, that's all.
"a THE late B. Franklin was a wnole
l. lot of a big chief in his day and date
y when the question as to who had tn
l. bulgiest Uranium had the floor, bu
d. when he enunciated his early to-bed
lie nd-early- to-rise dictum there's not
le doubt in life that he had his niger
i crossed or his galluses twisted IN tru
r. lovers knots. He was too wise t.
n, have honest-Injun meant it,"
L. OLD BRASSES.