The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1904-01-30
MAYBE WHISKY
WAS TOO WEAK
THE COLONEL TELLS. OF TRAP
PING BEARS WITH BOOZE.


consin, but the Northern Minne-
sofa Bruins Are Too Hardheaded-
Too Strenuous Sport for the Gilly.
!. The big advantage han has over a beasts
the man knows when he makes fool of himself
n the beast don't.-Philosophy of Col. Wheaton.
The colonel loquitor: Say. D'ever
I tell you fellers how we ketched the
big bear down bout Stevens Point,
when we lived back in Wisconsin?
That year we had the whoppinest big
corn crop you ever seen, but it was
terrible slow to ripen. Keep right in
the milk till we thought Jack Frost'd
iodder. But it was jest nuts fer the
coons, which was thick bout therein
was swipin' 1t right along.
We didn't mind them much, but
bimeby HI of a big old bear he
butted In N we had to git after him
quick. He used to git inter the field
ev'ry night, n waller down N destroy
tweed as muc1l's he ct n we couldn't
git in sight of him to save our lives.
Dad he wasn't home then, er he'd a
knowed how to fix him. n men Bob
we was both young n jes' the kind err
picnic to play boss with old bear
likes. We sot traps fer him, n we
layed fer him nights, n we tried ev'ry
which way to git him, but he wouldn't
have it, m we was about givin' up,
when the weather come all right to
ripen the corn in a hurry, m we
pulled in m cut'n shocked it, m
thought we had Mr.. Bear combobble-
dated.
"'But we didn't, fer he was right at
the shocks. a-tearin' 'em to pieces, m
eatin' the years, jest's if it was all
his'n. But bout then long comes an
old hunter, m tells us he'll ketch the
bear alive fer us f We'll git i'm what
he wants, m give i'm five dollars to
boot. So we tells i'm all hunk, to
heave ahead, n we'd make good.
Then he has us whirl in m husk all
the corn but two er three shocks m
haul it to the crib, m when that was
done he sends Bob to town fer a two
gallon jimmyjohn full Of whisky.
when he gifts that, n a new wash
tub he sends fer. too. he takes the
whole shootin' match out to the field,
N puts two gallon of milk in the tub,
pours in the whisky, sweetens the
whole mess good and hard with mo-
lasses m leaves it side Of the standin'
corn shocks. Did he wear gloves
while he was fxin' up the dope? Nav,
he didn't! Bears is like Injuns err
lumberjacks thataway. Ies' let 'en
git the smell Of whisky, m it don't
make no dif'rence what other smells
there Is about.
1.-THE whisky's all they wantn
they're goin' to have it. too, even if
they have to fight fer it. So we went
home after the milk punch trap had
been set fer the bear, N we was out
"a G~1l 1~-.{rr 4~1x1
in to see how it worked. Anti worked
Fall right, you bet your neck. There
was sold Mr.. Bear, fat on his back.
a-snor1n' like "a IL steam Exhaust
drunk-well drunk .warn't no name
for it. That bear was so drunk that
the day Of jedgment'd never faxed
him a little bit If it's went off full
blast, right over his head.
IN b'gosh, what O. the punch he
hadn't drinked he'd waIlered inn up
sot, tell there want a quart left in
the tub. We roped him good an
plenty, m piled him inter the wagon
box'n' hauled him to the house, m,
b'gosh, he din't never wake up tell
mex day. Then, O. course. we had to
kill him. I wanted to keep him bad,
but I knowel better'n to try. He
a been nothin' but a regular white
elephant on our hands. But, mind you,
that whisky we ketched him with was
the real thing; hadn't a drap Of water
in it, m could be relied on to par'lize
Hmm keep him par liked fer keeps.
But faint all kinds Of whisky'l1
do it's I found out after we come
up here. We tried it out to one Of
Prices drivin' camps one spring, jes'
after the snow went off'n the boys
was waitin' fer the ice to go outer
the lakes SOS to begin drivin'. The
bears was jes' outer their dens too'n
chuck bein' pretty scarce, err them
awantin salt, they was acomin' bout
the last winters camps'n' a diggin'
in the slop piles, bout ev'ry night.
I'd fetched up a gilly who had the
price, m was wantin' a bear hide bad
to put in his parlor down town, n
lie bout shootin' him to his friends.
n he'd bought five gallons Of Rapids
whisky, N fetched it along fer bait.
I'VE stopped at the drivin' camp.
m went over to a las winters one,
nigh by, first night we was there, m
sot our trap, putin in half the five
gallons of whisky, m usin' this con-
densed chalk.~and water fer milk.
Well, we ketched a bear that very
night. Old, old devil he was, too. m
bet he was the very one Noah had
in the ark, he was so old m hard
headed. Somehow I'd forgot to bring
along 'nougf rope to tie all his paws
up, so we JUS roped his forelegs. m
put him in behind up, n off we went
fer the drivin' camp gleeful.
But there was too much water in
that Rapids whisky. That old devil
come to while we was a'drivin' along,
m jes' think Of the long head Of him,
he didn't make no roar to put US on,
like mos bears'd done. No stree!
He jes' laid N ct the rope off'n his
forepaws, N then he riz up m swiped
me one way out'n the wagon m the
gilly out'n it to'other, m the horses
smelt him N away they went hell
westand crooked thru the woods m
knocked the wagon all to hellangone
fore you could say Jack Robinson!
"An' when come to N recusticated
the gilly, we walked back to camp n
found we'd caught all Prices lumber
jacks s. well as los our bear. n my
wagon. We hid the rest OF the whis-
ky, but they'd got onto it, N the whole
bilin' of 'enn was drunker'n q, billed owl.
An the walkin' bosse'd got therein he
give us as little time as we could take
to git to hi outer there. N we
got'n walked to Wilder's that night,
where we hired another team, N got
wilder sent up'n had my team
fetched home NJ the gilly paid all the