Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1904-03-24
A COLONEL FROM
CONNECTICUT
copyright. 1893. by c. b. Lewis.I

Interlaken, Switzerland, and there was
no mistaking his nationality. lie not
only looked American, but he spelled
Connecticut in every movement. He
was as much of a downright Yankee as
the man who invented wooden nut
megs. and he had all the innocence and
ingenuousness of the chap who sold the
first dozen to confiding housewives.
Ever since landing in London the
colonel had been telling fish story. It
was the same old story over and over,
and he told It from five to twenty
times day, according to circumstances.
lie told it to men of all nationalities. 1t
made no difference whether his listener
could speak English or not. He told it
in hotel reading rooms, at the table,
on the train on the boat, on the We
randa
Everybody thought him a liar, and it
was singular that the European public
stood It so long, but 1t was only after
he reached Interlaken and had repeat
ed his story for the twentieth time in
two days that an Englishman who had
bumped up against him at several re
sorts made up his mind that the thing
had gone far enough.
He took half Il dozen other tourists
into his confidence, and as a result a
certain Frenchman who was stopping
at another resort was sent for. The
news went around that NJ. dArtagen,
the famous duelist, was to arrive. He
had killed seven different men on the
field of honor He was a man who
hated liar and never heSitated to in
terrupt a man telling a tall story. Care
was taken that Colonel Perkins should
be thoroughly informed, and as gently
as possible he was advised to hold on
to his fish story during the duelist's
stay. His answer was:
"That story ought TO interest him,
but if he don't want TO hear it he
needn't I'm not forcing it on any
body
D'Artagen arrived on a certain even
ing and had been previously coached
as to the part he was to play. Colonel
Perkins was introduced to him as soon
as possible. ana lie spent about two
minutes sizing the duelist up. Then he
observed:
General. if you have come here to
fish you'll be disappointed. You can't
get a bite once a week. If you want
fishing as is fishing you'll 90 to the
United States. Lord, but what fishing
I've had in the Connecticut river! Just
to give you an idea of how the shad
bite there in April I'll tell you what |
did one day. | went out by myself and
caught 1900 shad in ten hours with
hook and line, and | must have had all
OF 10000 bites that didn't hook the fish.
1t took a span of big horses TO draw
my catch home That's what you call
fishing, though my record don't begin
with some others
That was the old, Old story The fig
ures had not bern decreased TO $4,000
nor raised to 10000. The fish had new
er been named as suckers or mullet,
but always as shad. People had been
obliged to swallow the story, tails and
all, or call the colonel liar, and they
had swallowed ami moved on. But the
coloners tine had come at last. When
he had finished his story the duelist
observed:
Sir, | have the great honor of call
ing you liar
"A liar, Good lands, but what for?'
exclaimed Perkins.
Had you caught one fish per minute
you could have caught only 600 in ten
hours. 1t was utterly impossible. Ten
men could not have done it. You took
me for fool and lied TO me"
"But did you ever fish in the Con
necticut river
Never"
Did you ever fish for sbad:'
Never"
Then why call me a liar? Bring
notary public here and III make afiida-
Wit to what | said. | fished for ten
hours and the fish numbered
Sir, you insult me" exclaimed the
duelist as lie arose.
"Shoo"
"And he who insults me must fight.
There is my card. Have you friend
here? Let us fight at sunrise
by gum. but what a peppery man.
said the colonel as the other withdrew.
"Well, If he wants to fight | suppose
I'll have to accommodate him. Indeed,
I've got to fight because he didn't be-
lieve my story. | never tell story that
amt willing to back up. VIII one OF
you fellers act as my second in the af-
fair?"
The Englishman volunteered. but the
conspiracy didn't call for n duel. The
idea was to scare Colonel Israel Alex
ander Perkins back TO his Connecticut
river and its shad He was told that he
would be killed, no matter what the
weapons, and was advised TO call for
his bill and seek a change OF climate.
Not only one man advised him thus,
but half a dozen, but each and every
one received the same reply:
Sorry, sir, but ! can't do it. The
state of Connecticut would never for
give me, and | could never hope to-
catch another shad The duel must go
on. Under the circumstances | couldn't
even accept an apology from the
Frenchman.'
When it was realized that the colonel
was forcing things he was advised as
the challenged party to choose swords.
but he held out for reyOlvers and could
not be persuaded. There might be
chance to load with blank cartridges,
but they dared not risk it, Colonel Per
kins had twinkle in his eye that
meaIk solid shot when he stood up to
aim.
There was nothing to do for D'Arta-
gen but to un the risk or get out, and
as he had 70 hankering after hot lead
he packed up his grip and was miles
away by sunrise. NJ. QUAD.
why an AIiasf
One afternoon, when the Duke OF
Edinburgh and Sir Arthur Sullivan,
having finished duet, were sitting
down to a homely dish OF tea pro
vided by Mrs. Sullivan, the composers
mother, it suddenly occurred to her to