The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1904-05-01
Chicago. January Y, 49,

had gone off looking as if you'd jus
bought seats on Change and been bap
tied into full membership with all thu
sample bags OF grain that were hand,
/ found your new mother-in-law out il
the dining room, and, judging by tn
plates around her, she was carrying II
stock full line of staple and fancy gro
ceries and del1catessen. When Strrcl
her she was crying into her third plate
Of ice cream and complaining bitterly t
the butler because the mould had beer
opened so carelessly that some salt hae
leaked into it.
OF course, / started right IN to be so
cable and to cheer her up, but reckon
get rT3y society. talk little mixed-I'd
been one of the pall-bcarers at Josh Bur-
tons funeral the day beforehand told
her that she must bear up and eat little
something TO keep up her strength, and
to remember that our loss was Helen's
gain.
Now. I don't take much sock in all
this mother-in-law talk, though I've usu-
ally found that where there's 50 miAsh
smoke there's little FIRE; but I'm bound
ESssay tf1at HeIen's ma came back at
! IL with a sniff and snort, and made me
feel sorry that I'd intruded on her sacred
5grief Told me that girl of Helen's
beatty and advantages had naturally been
very, very popular and greatly sought
after. Said that she had been received
in the very best society IN Europe and
might have worn strawberry leaves II
she'd chosen, meaning, I've since found
out, that she might have married a duke.
[ tried to soothe the old lady and to
restore good feeling by allowing that
wearing leaves had sort of gone out of
. fashion with the Garden of Eden, and
that I liked Helen better in white satin,
but everything I said just seemed to en-
rage her the more Told me plainly that
she'd thought, and limited that she'd
hoped, right up to last month, that Helen
was going to marry French noblemar,
the Count de Sometfingerino or other,
who was crazy about her. So | answer
ed that we'd both had a narrow escape.
because I'd been afraid for year that /
might wake up any morning and ind
myself the fatleY-in-law of q Crystal
Slipper chorus girl Then. as it looked
as if the old lady was going to bust
corset-string in getting out her answer,
I rnodest1y slipped away. leaving her
leaking brine and acid like dill pickle
that's had a bite taken out of it.
OF course, its only natural that Hell
ems ma should be little disappointed
in YOU. Good mothers often make bad
mothers-in-law, because they usually be-
lieve that, no matter whom their daugh-
tiers marry they could have gone farth-
er and Jared better. But it struck me
that Helen's ma has one of those reten-
tive memories and weak mouths-t1e
kind of memory that never loses any
thing it should forget, and the kind OF
mouth that can't retain a lot of language
which it shouldn't lose.
OF course, you want to honor your
rilother-in-law, that your days may be
long in the land. but you want to honor
this one from a distance, for the same
reason Otherwise, I'm afraid you'll hear
a good deal about that French count,
and how hard it is for Helen to have to
associate with lot of mavericks from
the Stock Words when she might be rum
ming with blooded stock on the other
side. And if you glance up from your
morning paper and sort of wonder out
loud whether Sorbett or Fftzsimmons IS
The better man. rnotier-in-law viii glare
1T YOU over the top of her specs and
ask If YOU don't think its 1nvldIous to
make anv comparisons If they're both
striving TO lead earnest, Christian lives.
Then, when you come home at night,
you'll be apt to find Your wife shifting
four breath when you kiss her to see
i she can catch that queer. heavy smell
which mother has noticed on 1t; or look
ng at you siartt-eyed when she feels
on1e letters IN your coat. and ysQiqeT. $
ing if what mother says IS frisess' tlfds II
lie1l wfo've once taken chorus girls 10
upper never really recover frofae the 5
as5it
On general principles its pretty good a
5ct4i1le that two's company and a
1rsess a crowd except when the third IS S
cook. Eut + should say that when the n
iird is Heien's ma its a mob, out look
lps for a chance to make rough house.
good cook, good wife and good
b will make good home anywhere; q
IT yolf add your nother-in-law, and the 7,
rst thing you know you've got two Al
onles, ard one of them is being run on Il
imony N
You want to remember that beside =,
,tif motfer-ir-law you're a comparative =,
ranger to your wife. After You and .,
ellen have lived together for year you q,
,ght TO be so well acquainted that she'll q
gin to believe that you know almost r.
mach as mamma, but during the flrst h;
W months OF married life there are apt =,
be good many tie votes on impor- IL
nj matters. and II rnotfler-ir-Iaw IS on =,
E premises she is generally going to 4,
eaE the tie By casting the deciding vote 81
TN daughter. A man can often get the ~
q Of one woman, or ten men, but not se
two women, when one of the two
nnotiier-in-law- .er;
When az young wife starts housekeep- n,
, With her mother 700 handy its ike sv
ming business with d new manager re;
! lseeping the old one along to see how VIZ
NOS 90. It's not in human nature that 70
Old manager, even with the best dis bls
sition in the world, shouldn't knock ma
new one a little, and you're Helens Hs
v manager. When want 10 maxi att
.nge 7 go about it ike a craD--gel Iiu ply
the old shell first, and fnsn piungS the
ht in and begin to do business VIII the
new skin. 1t may be a little telidel oh,
open to attack at FIRST, but II ooesiis col
:. feY,o fc fofiphen up when II nIldS out ms