davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1904-01-29
MEDICAL EXAMINER
Of the United States Treasury Recommends
Peurl-n1.
Other Prominent Physicians Use
and Endorse Ps-ru-na.

TAR. LLEWELLYN JORDON, Medical
u Examiner of the U. $. Treasury De-
partment, graduate Of Columbia College,
and who served three years at West Point,
has the following to say of Peruna:
"AIIow me to express my graft
fude to you for tho benefit derived
from your wonderful remedy.
One short month has brought
forth a vast change and ! now
consider myself q we'll man after
months of suffering. Fellow SUIT.
ferers, Peruna will euro y0u."
A constantly increasing number Of ply
sicians prescribe Peruna in their practice.
1t has proven its merits SO thoroughly that
even the doctors have overcome their
prejudice against so-called patent medi-
cines and recommend it to their patients.
Peruna occupies unique position In
medical sciouce. 1t is the only internal
systemic cstarrh remedy known to the
medical profession to-day. Catarrh, as
everyone will admit, is the cause Of one
half the disease which afflicts mankind.
Catarrh and catarrhal diseases aff1ict one
half of the people of the United States.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1904-02-13
Learning to Walk.

Clifton Bingham, the author Of 'In
Old Madrid, has written $500 songs,
of which 1850 have been published
and the other half rejected.
Mr.. Bingham is not himself a music
ian, but he is an excellent musical
critic His ear is delicate and sen
sitive, and nothing annoys him more
than to hear bad singing or bad play
ing.
He was visiting, last month, cousin
of his in London, and this cousin has
a son, a boy Of II or IL, who practices
on theipiano every morning. The mus
cular lad, banging false notes from
the instrument with tremendous vigor,
tried Mr.. Bingham not a little
What on earth are you playing
there, Jimmy" the song writer called
from the next room one morning.
IAN exercise from First Steps in
Music" the boy answered.
II knew you Were playing with your
feet" said Mr.. Bingham, but would
you mind stepping a little lighter on
the keys?- Boston Post.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1904-02-13

Mileposts.
My ma she reckons time by amanacs,
An two years firm tn very day
cum!
Or else tn next spring after sister died
che figgers it ali out by cryin' some!
My pa he estermates tn facts by books,
He's KEEP dairy now fer thirty
years,
An knows when things was so. an SIGH,
an thus n
Ithout dependin on 81 guess err 1T
appearsn'
Aunt Sue she members firm tn awful
snow
OF 49, er thereabouts somewhere
The day afore this mos terrific storm.
The big, warm sun was shinin' jest as
fair!
Grandma she kalkerlates at she can tell
Firm when she married my own Grand
pa Pinei
She SEE tn birds was singin' jest as
sweet
AS now--away back there in 40!
But my grandpap he fggers best of ALL!
He counts firm when the pie-plant up
an froze!!
''There want a gol darn pie-plant pie that
spring.
That's what my grandpap sez-an'
grandpap knows!!!
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1904-02-13
PERSONAL.

King Alfonso is giving his subjects
yessons il, agricrlture
John Fowler, United States consul
IT ,...e ~, is ia THIS country on two
months leave of absence
Professor George A. Hubbel of
Brooklyn has been chosen vice presi-
dent of Berea college, Berea, Ky.
Much unpublished matter was left
by the we'll known historian, the late
Bishop Stubbs, which is soon to ap-
pear in print in London.
Edwin f. Jones, once lieutenant gov
ernor of New York, best known to
fame as Jones. He Pays the Freight"
has written novel.
Frank G. Wren has been elected
Walker professor OF mathematics in
Tufts college. He is the youngest
member of the college faculty.
Count Albert Won Meran, young
scion of the house Of Hapsburg. has
entered the novitiate of the Bene-
dictine monks. He is a grandson of
Archduke John
Fortunate.
He was logged out in the latest style
for eQuestrianism
Zine horse have" he said proudly.
Eyes
'Lots of spirit
OR eally?''
ooh, yes. indeed"
""Then it's a good thing he can't look
in mirror and see the kind of a
spectacle the two of you make or he'd
die of modification"
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1904-02-13
Meetin. Two Iilustrious Man

During the year 1904--or it might
have been 1905-Colonel Henry Wat
terson. grown weary of the task of
trying to hold his blasted country back
from its headlong plunge to destruc-
ton, went to Europe for rest and re-
creation.
While there he visited Count Toll
stoi.
by the way, colonel asked Count
Tolstoi. ARE you prohibitiOnist?"
Il am not" said Watterson.
Il am glad to hear it." rejoined the
count. Neither am t.
AT which point they irrigated.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1904-02-13
success,

When | am gone
And other men are trying where | tried
To stem the pillows of Iife's rushing
tide.
If those who knew me best may pause
to toss
From memry but rose upon the moss,
And say: HE strove with earnestness OF
heart
Then will | not have lived entirely vain.
And dying. will have left a sweet re-
fran-
When | am gone!
When | am gone.
soul.
May stop beside my grave to read the
scroll.
And reading. think of how cheered the
weak
Or helped the sick and weary climb the
bleak
And jagged stones to rest and hope
anew.
Or shielded aught from stormy winds
Then will my living have been right. in
deed;
Replete with greatness in world of
need
When am gone
When | am gone
And in some quiet churehyard rests my
bier.
If she / love will there but drop a tear,
And gently say within her loving heart.
7 did the best I knew, the loyal part
If she will miss me now and then some-
what.
And dwell upon small virtues not for
got,
And put aside the follies of my reign
When I am gone!
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1904-02-13
AN "Obstrich- Farm.

A fool with money and a promoter
with experience once agreed to start
an ostrich farm.
s'Vot id is, dis 'obstrich' FARM
asked the fool. is it yet brewery OF
a steel trust-Yes?"
mo, no!' explained the promoter
the ostrich is a bird with long legs
and neck, and balloon-shaped body
with feathery tall"
THAT is a 'obstrich, is it, yet?', in
terrogated the fool with bullying eyes
as he drew mental picture.
eyes, that is an ostrich!"
were you get dis 'obstrich'? From
der seet?"
mo, not from the seed; from the
egg!
were you get der egg?"
From the ostrich, of counsel"
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1904-02-13
A Short Skirt.

One garment almost indispensable
in any lady's wardrobe is the short
skirt. 1t might also be as truth
fully stated that Re-Go Tonic Laxa-
tive Syrup is absolutely indis-
pensable where a pleasant and re-
liable medicine is needed for any
disorder of the stomach and bowels.
Sold by JOS. Bennett.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1904-02-13
Limited Dimensions.

Congressman Sulloway of New
Hampshire lives in Manchester, and
one day last summer he attended a
church service at Francestown, vii
lage near by.
The sermon on this particular Sun
day was preached by stranger, a
young student. whose self assurance
was. considering his years, unusual.
This young man fastened up to Con-
gresham Sulloway as soon as the serv-
ice was over He talked a little while.
and then made number of efforts to
induce the statesman to compliment
him on his discourse. These efforts,
which were indirect, failed Therefore
the young man adopted a direct meth
Cd to attain his end
Il hope you weren't annoyed by the
length of my sermon" he asked.
mo" replied the statesman, NOR by
its depth. either Boston Post.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1904-02-13
6 6 6
A Iona Walk.

A newspaper man, speaking OF get
ting on in the world, related at the
Chicago Press Club few evenings
ago how he acquired his start. In the
course of his deductions he assumes
that for the infnitesirnal sum OF
twenty-five cents-two bits-he walked
600 miles and was happy at the end
Of his peregrinating The story was
told like this:
He was young American in the
piscatorial age of evolution. Of books
his knowledge was crude, but he knew
where the buttercups bloomed in
golden profusion by the wayside, and
where the first tiny snowdrOp lifted
it's head to the dewy grasses in the
springtime He held the solution of
many superstitions known only by
boys of his neighborhOOd, such as how
TO knock" warts and to pursue to sue
cessful termination a formula for max
ing niger of the last boy dressed
after a swim in the laughing brook
in the woodland.
Then. came dreams of being man.
He hired to a neighbor to drive a gen
tie Irovine to the cool and succulent
clover beds HARDLY the village en-
virons. twenty-five cents month was
the stipulated remuneration. The pas
ture was a mile distant, two trips per
day being four miles. Four miles each
day for the season of five months
made an aggregate of 600 miles for
the summer.
At the end of the first month, the
owner of the family ''bOssy' rendered
a whole dollar, three-fourths Of which
was an advance payment. How the
birds carolled love songs to their
mates that morning as he meandered
after the COW to the grass station by
the riverside. Flowers blOOmed
more profusely, and the air, sweet with
the perfume of Natures ideal season
mornings gave added joy to the
heart of the boy who was getting on
in the world.
And then came the fall Lucifer
could not have fallen with "a more re
sounding whaclx nor Wolsey yearned
more sincerely to put away the biad
ders that men do swim upon in sea
of uncertainty
The dollar was lost
Lost in the pursuance of duty along
the self-same path where joy had hello
effervescing sway and where all the
world seemed to pour it's promise in
rose heaps in the itinerary Of that
youth.
But it was gone! Visions of finance
and protoplasmic grandeur fled and
left an aching void of poverty and
squalor Weary, like the ploddine
ing way For time the weight was
even like the white Mans Burden,
but Time assuages all grief in the boy
ish heart and four months later, wher
a quarter of dollar balance was
handed the future newspaper man, he
felt that he was worthy, and with re
newed energy set out once more t6
battle with the world, undaunted. He
had confidence that after walking COZ
miles for a two-bit piece nothing in
.his mundane sphere could ever de
feat him or undermine his answer
ring resolve.
& & 6
My clock is an obstinate thing,
said Uncle BY, winking at listener
Nov it will not work and yet il
won't strike. am thinking Of getting
d rrr nnn on tfn,ct''
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1904-02-13

SCFdpSs
The serpent left alone will bite no
one Many unnecessary wounds are
received by trifers.
A close mouth often gives a man
credit for wisdom.
It is not so much the triumphs as
the obstacles overcome in trying.
Act not in the eyes Of the world,
but in the benediction of your con-
science.
Decay attacks that which has ceased
to grow. This is as true of men as OF
cherry trees.
1t is senseless, like Sisyphus, to roll
stone up hill with no object in view.
Carry loads only for a purpose.
Two Hindoo twins cut apart in
Paris were found to have common
liver Not being used to a boarding
house, they died Couldn't live on cut
liver!
In the description of funeral the
reporter noted that the deceased LAY
quietly in his coffin" Investigation
may have shown the corpse to have
been nailed down.
The Salvation Army wants old
clothes "Youse fellows who are not
wearing yours, dig up.
" X X
Louie's Neck.
81 went oud home yesterday to
spend nit Sunday Ply my brudder
Bill and der old folks!
"Und Bill he tink it is besser as we
go in swimming by der leetle crick yet,
chust like we did ofer by de years OF
our childrenshood.
$50 I seq yah to mine brudder and
we went down Ply der leetle crick, und
we took our clothes off py de sand,
und chust as we vas vading into der
water, I noticed that my brudder Bill's
neck was dirtier as mine, and | seq:
William I SEE, William, l notice
alreddy dat your neck which is by de
undressing shown, is dirtier as mine!
Wy is dot?'
"'Vy is dot? asked my brudder Bill
pack agin, wy is dot? Wy, Louie,
doan you forget dot am tree years
older as you are?
* ~6 "a
Good Reason.
Bings-"Why didn't they play poker
on the ark"
Wings" Because Noah sat on the
deck!'
Bings-"Guess again.
Wings-"No use; why didn't they
play poker?"
Bings-"B Because there was only one
Jack on board, and nobody could draw
openers!"
~ " ~
These Commercial Times.
sMoney is the root of all evil com
planned the pessimist, walking home
ward at dusk with his neighbor.
eyes" acquiesced the neighbor de-
string to be agreeable, land life is a
case of root hog or .die'!"
At this juncture burglar stepping
out from the dark alley grabbed root
and relieved them of all the evil they
had about their clothes.
And even then they were rot salts
| fed.
a6 " "
A Maryland man wants a divorce be-
cause his wife hit him with a chunk
of liver, beat him with a can of beans,
stabbed him with piece of bologna
sausage and threw hot tea in his
eyes. He should have it! A woman
| that will act that way is no gentle
6 6 6
| When the foolkiller met the scorch.
| ing iutomobilist, "there was hot
L, old ha% nj
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1904-02-13
s s 6

The English Sparrow.
A Kansas professor says the English
sparrow is a disease spreader and a
filth purveyor. We spoke casually to
Pat about this yesterday while driv-
ing on the avenue. Having lighted his
dudeen, given a hitch to his trousers
and batted his eye, Pat sat down on
his wheelbarrow handles and deliv.
cred himself thus
TIL Hinglish sparrer sits
Upon my windy-sill
An there, be jing he chrps
An fiirts his saucy bill.
"Widin his fluffy coat
There turks bacilic germs
That bid me shoe him off
In no angelic terms!
bad cess. We pesky chit:
Go way back an sit down.
Go anticepticiZe
Ere else git out Of town!
Eye spalpeen we're a 'scab'
An work widout card!
No union We support
Yer hours are far too hard!
I'VE multiply be day.
Ye multiply be night!
Atween We an tn men
There's bound t be fight!
$50 off wild We, We scamp =
Begorry, GO! / say
Leave union sweepers clean
TIL boulevards fer pay!"
6 6 &
The Fort Cobb tOkla) Record fathers
this story about bright little school girls
composition on men: "Men are what WON
en- marry They drink and smoke and
swear and have ever so many pockets, but
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1904-02-13

AS a means toward interesting the
youth Of London in the school of the
chamber Of commerce, 800 London mer-
chants declared themselves willing to
show a preference for the young men
holding Junior and senior certificates
in filling vacant positions in their
firms
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1904-02-13

Pretty Miss Nellie Hascomb,
Omaha: II owe my good looks
and heath to HOLSTERS Rocky
Mountain Tea. Have fully re-
gained my health" Tea or tablets.
35 cents. Jos. Bennett.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1904-02-13

Tt isn't how much cold cream
woman puts on her face but how
much Rock Mountain Tea she takes
inside that brings out real beauty.
HOLSTERS Rocky Mountain Tea
compilations stay. So cents. Tea
or tablets. Jos. Bennett.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1904-02-13
a Surnrise.

A signing young poet of Prague
Wrote some amorous lines
To a blonde lady,
NVhereat her papa
Took all the rhythm
Out OF him
BY kicking him In the Stats!
What's the matter?
Did you think
This was poetry?
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1904-02-13

Very few rich girls are wealthy
enough to purchase a Boston bulldog,
an automobile and a luke, and all in
one season The reason is, the luke"
comes SO high as first purchase.
there is nothing left for automobiles
or CANNES
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1904-02-13
6 s &
Discords.

It is rumOred on what is considered
good authority that it is alleged by
the school directors of Sleepy Hollow
that report is believed to be in cir
culatiOn in Chickasaw county that a
man was seen in Kempton the other
day from Argyle, who had received a
letter from Chicago in which it is
thought to have been stated that
stories are told by the weather man to
the effect that we may have an early
spring next spring and red hot sum
mer next summer. with cyclone trim
mings.
1t is suggested that putting fire es-
capes on church buildings is superflu-
Gus. on the grounds that church is
itself a fire escape.
The old song Keep in de Middle
oh de Road should be revised in
these .automobilious days,
A magazine Tor crauks has been
started in England-but foreign post
age is not excessive
"A new fad is to have the furniture
of your friends old gowns says
an exchange Now, | wonder, says
Uncle BY. how that there red and
green alapacker slip Of Mariar's would
look in the seat Of my chlmney-corner
rocker, by jing! They amt no use
Twin if We CANT be stylish"
The man that loses his temper gen
orally finds it in the police court.
! Breathe deep and beware of brain
| flag! Fifty cents. please
The reason Caesar was not always
popular was because he had too much
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1904-02-13

The Herald is the only semi-weekly
in Grant county. $50 per year.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1904-02-13

My clock is an obstinate thing, =
said Uncle BY, winlzing at listener.
Nov it will not work and yet it
won't strike. am thinking Of getting
new one On tick!
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1904-02-13

Jinks sent his boy to the depart
ment store to secure position. Hav-
ing failed to make an impression, he
turned to leave. Seeing pin lying
upon the floor, Jink's son stopped, and
picking it up, laid it on the counter.
The manager, noticing this little act of
thrift. recalled the lad and gave him
place in the store When the boy
went home that night he related his
experience and Jinks armed his next
oldest boy with two pins and sent
him to the same store The plan
worked we'll and now the second
boy has two jobs. working night and
day.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1904-02-13

EN- ROUTE TO CHURCH.
they won't go to church. Perhaps IL they
wore bonnets they would They are more
logical than women and always more zoo
logical Both men and women have sprung
from monkeys. bnt the women certainly
rung further than the men,
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1904-02-13
s s s
Salmagundi.
6 6

If your hens won't lay fashion for
them some cute little paiamas and
scatter few small pillows about the
henhouse. In other words, make the
hen home happy.
A fashion tip says: Bands and
sashes play an important part on
many toilet Fashionable women
are still wearing great number of
wide kid bands. boned at the back,
and contrived to come down small in
the front Boned at the back!"
Great jehosiphat. Who ever heard of
ribbons with bones before-or be-
hind,
An authority says the Fourth Of
July comes on Monday this year. Next
thing we know somebody will be get
ting so far ahead of the game they
will be asking is this hot enough for
you?" Where are you going Christ
mas?
THE baker is a great loafer." says
an exchange. None of the ''loafs we
ever saw him do are very great
When q man-er. that is, when a
male person smokes cigarette in
my presence and get the Whit real
secondhand like. | never can think
of anything but a wet dog burning his
tail against the depot stove.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1904-02-13

A LANKY, BLACK FELINE.
At midnight when the clouds. are
casting silhouetted shadows from the
trees, when all is wierd and ghostly
in the suburbs. if lone. lanky, black
feline suddenly darts out of the bushes
ahead of you and persists in crossing
the street, it is a sign that the cat
wants to get to the other side of the
thoropghfare
6 6 &
A Late Joke.
Here is one of the latest:
He-"Why was Eve created?"
She-'I give it up
$50 soon?"
Even So
I "For Adams express company
That's an old one. What was the
first present Adam ever gave Eve?"
The core of the apple"
mo. a pair of slippers.
There were no slippers in Eden"
Indeed! Adam plucked a banana,
ate it. and handed Eve the skins, If
you don't believe they were slippers
try stepping on one. when you aren't
looking"
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1904-02-13

When the foolkiller met the scorch
ing iutomobilist, there was a hot
time in the old town that night"
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1904-02-13

Education is not filling the brain as
a storehouse. 1t is teaching the heart
to know and direct better things, to
be tenderer, truer and more forgiving
of the weaknesses of the others
The Big Stone Gap post. [volume] (Big Stone Gap, Wise County, Va.) 1892-1928, 1904-04-21
FROM

,.rsnarss.o r, ms sens Cav rosr-
SroNraA. VA. April ia vocal
class has been formed here 10 study
music. 90 order 90 move efficiently
render the songs 1t ,hc sanctuary m
the church services Mrs. Rogers, Of
Big stone Gap. has been selected IN
struc,or and Friday evening Is the
meeting night IA the church.
Abingdon Presbytery d. now iu
session in Merton aud will not ad-
ionm unt.l Saturday evening The
minister is attendance will he a..
signed 60 preach ia the surrounding
coal towns. on Sabbath following TO-
vita,ioas having been extended from
Al points Rev j. b. Morton. Cd
Pulaski. has been assigned L,
sionega. ard sli the people regArd'
less Of creed are cordially invited &
hear this noted aud Cody divine
lie viii preach morning and evenin,
sud Will assist the pastor IN admins
| tering the sacrament Of the Lord
Sapper Ia the morning.
Squire Adamswss IN attendance =
court Monday sai T~aesdry. sna
the stouega delegate TO Presoyter
at Norton. uhrre be Nii be 1he bal
snce Of the week.
Miss bessie Eiwards hss bee
swosa ia as extra clerk to asss~tia II
.paes-ofiee when necessary aud D Q
duty this week
The 6rst iastalmsnt 81 the stoneg
E. school work for exhibition al the ;
Louis Wod3's Fan. vent for~a'
, lsst week irom The principals root
lTke exhibits srem she Other "a
rooms ars no, yet sesix, but viii
. sent later i4she scholars doa's al
the prize Cor district seh5ol wo1
. the, will esfssialy receive heaosst
msasi,n. a. shfif drawings are alto
The Big Stone Gap post. [volume] (Big Stone Gap, Wise County, Va.) 1892-1928, 1904-04-21
FROM OLA.

c,rr..,-u.asne. 81 II. Nix ssens GAP Per.
ORA. Ky. April 1G Farmers are
still trying very hard 70 get thelF
crops in as early n possible
Frank Adams aud family. Of Ma
coffin c unity. will soon locate rear
the mouth Of Thornton on j. +
Gratis farm.
:. 7. jenkins returned from
Wrights fork Of Boon today.
Meeting held At Fsirview Sunday.
conducted by Revs. Peter Adkins and
Wiles. A small congregation at
tended.
CroHord's steam saw mill IS cut
ting a nice lot Of lumber.
G.. W. Jenkins made a trip t.
/ Camp Branch today
Craft Bros. returned from Nortoi
this week with goods and fruit trees
Mrs. John :. Webb is very iii .
this writing. but we hope there Is
chance for her recovery.
The Normal. at Whitesburg. ]
progressing nicely with Prof T. \
: Webb as instructor. FArnick.