The Irish standard. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn. ;) 1886-1920, 1904-04-16
" What u J
Bears Will Do
Uncle Jase Settles the Question
With Tale of Uncle Splitter.
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settin' that he almost knocked Uncle
.Jase out O. the three-legged cheer where
he sot, and he says, sort O. as if he was
mad, and sort O. as if he was goin' to
take Uncle Jase by the neck:
GIVE always believed they'd do it,
says he, and I've always stuck to it and
argyfied the strongest kind that they'd
a1o it, says he, but l see now that they
won't, and take it all back! says he.
81 had always stood up ag'in Ellis Sam
ssayin' that they would do it, cause
thought / knowed 'em bout as we'll as
the next Teller. havin' trapped em and
shot 'em and had rough and tumbles
with 'em, up hill and down dale. heller
SHELTER through the scrub, and kerr
:sploshity-splosh knee deep across the
.swamps, fer more than 40 year. and
they hadn't never done it to me, and
never knowed o. their dom it to any
one else so always stood up as in Ellis
Sam on his pint that they would do it,
but ne stuck to it like a woodticl1 to
a yaller coon dog And he was doin'
of it this time, over to the Eddy, settin'
ON the shoebox and layin of his argy-
fyin' down fer sartin.
edo it?' says he. Why, sure as pow
der they'll do it! Every time they git the
chance Bears don't like nothin' better
than to chaw man fer dinner, bears
don't says he. DO it?' says he. o.
course they'll do it,
~'Pishn says 1. Bears won't do it!
Bears won't eat man no more than
will says l.
"1They won't, hay?' says Uncle Jase,
ruttin' in from where he sot wigglin'
on the three-legged cheer and keepin'
an eye on Simon who was layin' on the
counter with his head restin' on roll
o. calico. trade not bein' particularly
hummin' jest then.
"'They won't. hey?' says Uncle Jase.
eWell,' says he takn' somethin' outen
his pocket and holdin' it up betwixt his
fingers Here's somethin' that says
they will, DAHL sayshe 'Tain't nothin'
but button-a shiny brass button
but it's primy fishy evidence that they'll
do it, says he.
ellis Sam he frightened up and
looked at me as if he was sorry fer
me, and he says:
"tAha!' says he. How did you come
to git it, Uncle Jase?' says he.
"'That BUTTON says Uncle Jase, was
on the sojer coat O. my old pap's Uncle
Spitzer when he come over here with
the Britishers to fight ag'in us fellers
time o. the revolution. Uncle Splitter
was always sorry he fit on tother side,
and he said he'd never a. done it if he'd
only had an inklin' O. what nice folks
we was over here, and so when he came
ND after the war and settled in the Knob
country folks took sech lillin' to him
chat they never said nothin' agln his
wearin' that sojer coat O. his'n with the
brass buttons on it. And this here is
one O. EN-
"Uncle Jase had been talking slower
and slower and lower and lower, all the
time wigglin' and keepin' hiseyes onto
Simon, and then he shet up student and
With snap. Then me and Ellis Sam
;aooked over to Simon, and we see he had
rot up and was fastenin' the kiver down
on the pail o. loose chawin' that al
ways sets on the counter, and 1t looked
to us as.if he had remembered that Uncle
.Jase always got sort O absent minded
when he begun to make history, and
seemed to forgit that the terbackel
wasn't there, like almanacs, to help his
self to.
$50 when we see Simon fastenin' Of
the kiver on to the pail O. loose chawin
we knowed that Uncle Jase ID be dis
soouraged, and that the history O. thai
"a ho In
As fer me, didn't care so much. fel
4 wasn't lookin' fer no evidence ag'ir
my argyfyin' that bears wouldn't do it
but Ellis Sam he was disappointed ant
he hauls out his new plug O. sweet ter
hacker and hands it to Uncle Jase ant
says:
Have chaw. Uncle Jase?'
1Uncle Jase bein' particularly fond o
sweet plug, he cheered up like the SUI
comm from behind a cloud, took al
.amazin' chaw often Ellis Sam S plug. ant
started right in to make history ag'in
Then, o. course, his absent mindednes
fOok holt on him, and he stuck Eli Sam
plug into his pocket.
"'Yes, yes!' says he. when Uncl
Splitter come up after the war and set
tied in the Knob country. folks tool
sech likin' to him that they never SAT-
nothin' ag'in his wearin' that British
ser sojer coat O. his'n with the bras
inttons on it. Particularly they didn'
sitter he fetched in the wildcat and tn
fox. one day.
~<He wasn't out after wildcat no
fox neither. He was jest trampin' tn
woods with his eye peeled fer bear, bu
bear didn't seem to care to have hir
git his eye on to 'em, and they laid low
So he sot down on to log and lit hi
pipe, and was smollin' away, grinnir
to think how skeert all the bears was
him, and yit mad to know that the
was, when a big red fox come trottir
out O. the bushes and went skitin' pas
Uncle Splitter like streak o. grease.
~'Thinkin' that he mowt as we'll tax
a fox skin home if he couldn't do n
Ebetter, Uncle Splitter hauled up to D,
"a bullet into that one, when the fox &c
EsRhind big chestnut tree and didn
come out into sight ag'in. Uncle Spite
stepped round the tree to git bead Q
staae fox and seen its brush disappearil
srn1nd t'other side O. the tree. He TO
r7oA,od e. ~, hio tin+ooc ond ~ low, -~,,,