Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-09-28

|
! For tenth of what 1t costs him ere 1t $
Brooklyn Eagle.
!
{ HUMOROUS ITEMS. 5
f>~~~-~~~~--.~~-~-~~~~~ ~~~~-~-~-->~-~~-->""-"~s
DO you know, Grumpey, that half Of
the world never knows what the other
half is doing?'
Women do."-Detroit Free Press.
Another difference between a man and
a woman is that the man doesn't see the
| back of his head in a mirror more than
twice year.-Someryille Journal.
Eyes, sir, Charley says Miss Dewitt
made perfect monkey out of him.
Has he thanked her yet for the inn
provemert she brought about ?''-New
Orleans Times-Democrat.
"He is an optimist, is he?"
'Optimist. Why, man, he carries his
optimism to extremes. They say that he
has been known to seem pleasant at
breakfast. '-Cleveland Leader.
Mr.. P-The doctor told Jack that he
had been studying too hard lately.
Mrs P.-And what did he recommend?
Mr.. P.-Oh, he advised him to go into
society a little more and give his brain
a rest-London Tit-Bits.
what is that quotation about beg
CARS? Something about wishes and
horses don't you know?'
"Oh yes. IF wishes were horses beg
CARS would want automobiles "-Catho-
lie Standard and Times.
Binks-Old Skinnem, the trust promo
ter, is dead.
Winks-That so? He's got now what
he always wanted
Binks-What's that?
| Winks-The earth.-Town Topics.
Burns Smith-What kind of poetry does
! McRymer write?
Byron .Jones-Why, he writes the kind
under which you instinctively look for
| the bracketed insertion. by little Willie
! GOgglebat, 9 years old. Houston Chron-
! icle.
1T seems he met her at a hop, prompt
! ~ proposed and now they're to be mar
RED
Strange that he should take that step
at Il hop
She took it at jump. Philadelphia
Press.
sob, that my son should wish to mar
ry an actress. shreked the proud patri-
/ clan mother
Now, ma. don't take on So" beseeched
! the undutiful heir. ''she amt really an
actress-she only thinks she is.''-Pitts-
burg Post.
The bluff he's always making at being
! busy amuSes me-
4 notice that he has great habit of
quoting Time is money!"
Yes, and his time is about as valuable
as Cancelled trading stamp. Philadel-
phia Press.
please, Mrs. Subbubs. mamma says
she'll be. glad if you'll come to tea on
| Monday"
With pleasure Bessie Tell your moth
er it's really too kind
,'Oh, no. Mamma says she'll be glad
! when its over. London Punch.
Yes, sub, he WIZ 'fraid er de banks
Dustin on i'm, Ell he buried his money"
rs he got it yit?"
No; he forgot ter blaze de tree whar
1t WIZ, en- de man what owned de Ian
PIT up sign: No Trespassin' on these
GrOun'sv Atlanta Constitution.
Opportunity was observed ringing
| doorbells.
Don't you knock any more?' asked
the friend.
No" responded Opportunity, sadly;
there are too many knockers in the
world already. baltimore Herald.
i don't want to speak to you again
about your reckless expenditure of
money, said the stern parent.
All right, dad" replied the incor-
rigible youth. Thereafter it will be up
to you to hand out the coin and say
nothing. '-Kennebec Me) Journal
Blanks is going to buy talking ma
chine for his wife,
L don't see that she needs one; she
talks all the time now
That's just it. He thinks maybe it'll
shut her off; they can't both talk at
once, you know. "-Detroit Free Press.
Il wouldn't marry you if you were the
last man OH earthv' Missed the beautiful
girl.
4 wouldn't let you," chuckled the tall
youth THE last man on earth will have
something more serious to think about
than getting married. baltimore Her
aid.
Baggs-And so poor Daggs is dead! I
never got a chance to bid him goodbye.
The first thing l do when I get to heaven
will be to say how sorry I was.
Faggs-But suppose he didn't go to
heaven?
Baggs-Then you tell him for me-
Town Topics.
"See here" began the irate renter
you told me that this fiat building has
every convenience, and there are none at
ALL
''Oh, yes, there are" said the janitor
''only most of them are so Indispensable
TO my wife and me that we can't spare
them. '-Cleyeland Leader.
Mrs. Wise-This new girl Mrs. Hous-
keeps got must be a jewel.
Mrs. Newcomb-Why. she complains
about this one more than any of the
others.
Mrs. Wise-Of course, she wants the
rest of US to think the girl isn't worth
stealing Philadelphia Press.