Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1904-03-25

who it waS."-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Julia-Is Clementine really 50 intel
lectual? Aurelia-Oh, yes; she never
can tell you thing any other woman
has on.
81 see the sold tag on Dauber's pic
ture'' ~Yes, De Smith bought it"
"Why don't they hang the tag on De
Smith?''
HAS Mrs. Dash decided not to con-
tinue her suit for divorceT Eyes. Her
engagement to Percy Specie is off,
Brooklyn Life.
Father-Don't ask so many ques-
tions, Tommy? You are not supposed
to know everything that goes on
around here. Tommy-No, but I do.
though.
Doctor Jinks-I suppose you must
have lost some Of your patients by be-
ing away for SO long time? Doctor
Kent-Yes, confound it! Ten or doz-
en- Of them got well.
Dusty Dennis-Say, pard, what does
the paper mean by "unspeakable
Turkw Gritty George-Why, dat's de
guy dat Invented de Turkish bath
Chicago Daily News.
Zone O. de sad things bout dis Hfe,"
said Uncle Eben, 'is dat it's SO much
easier to depend on de enmity Of yoh
enemies dan on de friendship of yoh
friends. s."-Washington Star.
A fearful Occasion: Il wonder If
there's been a funeral in that house?"
why" 1.-TWO women just came out
crying" "Oh, it must be a wedding"
Public Ledger.
"You know, Jessie, the good book
says Love your neighbour" spoke the
mother to her little girl. Eyes, man.
ma; but that was written before the
days of f1ats.'-Yonkers Statesman.
you say that you have your own
way about the house?" Invariably"
answered Mr.. Meekton. "How do you
manage itT' by always agreeing
with Henrietta. ashington Star.
what am I ever going to do with
such a bad, bad boyY' sighed the fond
mother. 20, you leave me alone" re-
piled the young hopeful. 'I'm not half
as bad as I can be."-Brooklyn Life.
Mother-Why, children, what's all
this noise about? Little Freddy-We've
had grandpa and Uncle Henry locked
in the cupboard for an hour, an when
they get a little angrier I'm going to
play going into the lions cage!
Mother-My boy! What became Of
that last piece Of pie 1 left in the cup
board and told you not to disturb? Os-
carl eated it. Mother-And what
would you call an act like that? Oscar
-Distrbin' tn piece, I s'pose."
Brigg-Do you have the courage to
take a cold bath ON these winter morn
ings? Griggs-Indeed, 1 do. But I
missed it this morning. Briggs
What was the trouble? Griggs-There
was no hot water.-Town Topics.
Wouldn't you enjoy your dinner
more If you had earned it?'' NO." an
swered Meandering Mike, "I wouldn't
t'ink of intrudin' any mercenary con-
siderations into dis season Of hospital
ity an good cheer.''- Washington Star.
The new sentry, a native of the EN-
erald Isle, was on post duty for the
first time at night, when the officer of
the day approached. "Who comes
thereT" he called. "Oficer Of the day."
was the reply. "Then what are yez
doin' out at n1ghtY asked the sentry.
Literary Reputation: "Lizette," said
Mrs. Goldrich to her maid, Il wish you
would run up to my room, get the novel
on my writing desk. cut the pages. take
it back to Miss Bookhides, present my
compliments and thanks, and tell her
the story aroused my most profound
interest .''-Tit-B Bits.
The Secret of Failure: Lawyer
What was the thing that led to your
financial downfall? You seemed to be
doing good business. Bankrupt
was; but one day I started out to see
If could borrow some money. 1 found
1t so easy that kept On borrowing
Somerville Journal.
Grimes Ito Spencer, who has told one
Of his best stories)-Ha, ha! Do you
know, Spencer, always did like that
story. Spencer-I thought you must
have heard it several times. You
wouldn't be likely to tumble to the
joke the first time you heard it, you
know.-Boston Transcript.
Like father: Rangle-What were
you Furnishing your boy for this morn
ing? Angle-For lying. He said he
saw a fish in the millpond as big as
the one I've been telling about that
got away from me there last week.
Rangle-But maybe he did see it. An
gle-Nonsense! There isn't a fish that
big in the pond-Philadelphi Press.
The Horrible Example: How is it
business has so much improved in the
side show?' asked the man from the
main tent. I started the living skele-
tom to smoking cigarettes" replied the
hustling manager. 81 don't see why
that should draw people" "Yes; every
mother takes her boy in and points out
the horrible example"
Roc0rd