The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1904-05-09
COLONEL BUNKER.
How He Pushed His Bill to Protect
the 'Possums.


sent to the state senate bv the people
u my district" said Colonel Bunker,
as ne finished his cocktail and reach
ga INTO the glass for the cherry, was
20 introduce bill for the protection
Of the possums of my state. The
possu1n, sub, as perhaps yo' don't
understand, is an animal that preys
largely on Varmints that destroy the
crops, and his flesh is eaten by a large
class OF people He is, perhaps, as
harmless as any small animal living,
ana his hide furnishes most of the
so-called bear skins in market. Taken
al around suh-taken all around
the 'possum is worthy of the thought
OF our greatest statesman, and 1t was
not until I had thoroughly posted my
SER as to his worth that / brought
MIN before the public a champion.
From time immemorial the dar-
Key and the 'pOssum have worked TO-
gether, subtle darkey to git hold
OF the 'possum, and the 'possum to
dodge the darkey. In my state the
darkey had come to prevail He was
catching, baking and eating so many
'possums that it could be figured out
to a mathematical certainty when the
last animal would go into the oven
along with yams.
Il spent a great deal of time and
thought on that bill, as 1 knew 1t
would be criticised and discussed on
colored population cannot be drawn
too carefully. The 'pOssum must be
protected but how? He must be pro-
tected up to a certain point, but at the
same time the darkey must not be
altogether deprived of his favorite
dish.
ssWhen my bill was introduced sub
when [ had the honah of introduce
ing the first bill ever heard of for the
better protection Of the 'possums of a.
commonwealth provided that any
white or black person found guilty of
killing a 'pOssum with a tail over six
inches long should pay a fine of IS or
go to Jail for a month. The point,
sub, as | may explain, is that no pos
sum who has not met with an accident
has tail less than twelve inches
long, while many of them run to four
teen and sixteen inches A darkey
might hunt for & lifetime and not find
a short-tailed 'possum.
Il was hardly prepared, suh-har1ly
T prepared for the COmmOtiOn created by
my bill. It at once received the name
of 'Bunker's Short Tail and town,
Senate and public press proceeded to
howl themselves hoarse. One newspa-
per spoke of me as 'Possum Bunker of
'Possumville and another asked when
1 was going to display my friendship
Tor the polecat l went my way for a
week or two and said nothing and
then 1 acted One of the papers had
printed a picture of me as having the
mead and face of 'possum, and two
hours after the paper was out I drop
ped in on the editor and said:
" sub, 1 am Colonel Bunker the pos
sum friend, and the day being fine ADD
both of us in good health, I didn't know
but yo might like to take a little stroll
with me?'
" Stroll? Stroll? I don't quite under
stand@ he replied.
90 In most any direction, sub. so that
IT viii lead to the suburbs. My man
will follow with the pistols, and there
VNrfl no al.
when the editor caught my mean
Ing, said Colonel, "he went that white
that 1 thought he was going to faint
away. He apOlogized in the most hum
bic manner, and went on to assure me
that he thought I was some joker from
a back county who wanted to put lit
tie humOr into the session. I kept him
on the ragged edge for awhile and then
grudgingly let him off, and in his next
issue ne came out strong for my bill.
"One of the senators was something
of poet, and when the fun over my
Dill grew hilarious he went into rhyme
about it, and his verses were printed
and scattered about by the hundreds.
His satire was to the effect that all the
darkeys in the state were going around
with tape lines in their hands and
tears in their eyes, while all the. pos
sums were hanging to limbs of per-
simmOn trees by their tails and bless
ing Colonel Bunker that they were
saved from the ovens. I let three or
the sena tor and said:
" My dear contemporary do you feel
equal TO composing another little poem
this mornings?
I think So ne smilingly replied
." Then ] will give you a subject
Colonel Bunker introduces bill for
the protection of the 'possum. Senator
Brill sees a chance for satire and
brings out a poem. The Colonel calls
in response. and the two gentlemen
take a walk. After reaching a certain
grove they exchange shots. Do you
think you can make something funny
of it, Senator?'
q" is it a duelT he asked
q" You may call it so, sun
Very we'll you can send your
friend to Mr.. Blank to make arrange
ments.'
He was game. sub" said the Colo
mel He was game man, and 1
didn't have to pound my meaning into