davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Lamar register., 1904-05-11
LIVE STOCK JOKE.
How 1t Was Sprung Upon Prominent
Clergyman.


Rev. Richard E. Sykes is telling his
Denver friends a joke on himself.
which he relates with great glee. AS
is known, he recently resigned his pas
torate in Denver to take charge OF a
congregation in a suburb of Boston.
on Wednesday he was down at one
of the freight depots shipping his goods
to his new home.
THE clerk did not know me-" is the
way DR.. Sykes tells the story, and
when he had listed my goods he leaned
over and asked:
Say, mister, do you have any live
animals?'
81 was somewhat surprised at tho
question. but quickly and truthfully
answered that had not.
We'll he went on, let me give
you a tip. If you have donkey or
burro or something like that you could
ride through for nothing in the car.
to take care of it
81 would like to go into Boston in
that manner, wouldn't ~" and he
laughed with great satisfaction.
The portion of the story which Mr..
Sykes did not know is that the query
nut to him is one of the stock jokes ae
the freight depots. II he had shown
certain trepidation when the first query
was asked. 1t would have eventually
led to a suggestion that maybe his beds
contained live animals. AS ne showed
certain signs of not being the right fel-
low for that sort of joke he had the
other sprung on him as means or tho
Joker letting himself down easily
Denver Republican
The Lamar register., 1904-05-11
DESERVED TO WIN BRIDE.
How Hindoo Lover Secured the Maider
of His Choice.

In many parts of India Hindoo girls
are welded not with a ring. but with a
necklet or thai. AT the wedding OF
daughter of a leading native Moul-
mein there were present among the
numerous guests Hindoo maiden and
her lover. whose suit had not so far
progressed to his satisfaction. While
the wedding ceremony was in progress
the young man suddenly went up to
her and. before any one suspected
what his object was, pulled out thali
from his pocket and quietly tied 1t
round her neck. OF course there was.
a hubbub and parental lamentations
over this dramatic episode, but so
great is the veneration for the thali
among Hindoos that no one dared to
remove it from the neck of the as
tonished maiden. All concerned
therefore repaired to the Marianne
temple, where the act was ratified.
and the maid who went to the we'd
ding of her friend fancy free left the
scene as the legal wife of bold and
successful husband.
The Lamar register., 1904-05-11
The Largest Sun.

The conception of the magnitude of
the star Canopus which is regarded as
the greatest body in the universe. is
difficult indeed, even when Mr.. Gore
of the Royal Astronomical Society fur
nishes the sun as a step by which the
imagination may raise itself. We have
some appreciation of the size of the
earth with its circumference of 25.OOO
miles. The sun is more than n mil
lion times as large as the earth. The
mass of Canopus has been weighed as
Economically and found to be one mil
lion times greater than that of the sun.
The Lamar register., 1904-05-11

vic diseases have no idea that their
trouble is due to catarrh. The major ty
of the people think that catarrh is a
disease confined to the head alone
This is not true. Catarrh is liable to
attack any organ of the body; throat,
bronchial tubes, lungs, stomach. kid
neys and especially the pelvic organs
Many a woman has made this discov-
cry after n long siege of useless treat
ment. She has made the discovery that
her disease is catarrh, and that Peruna
can be relied upon to cure catarrh
wherever located.
If you do not derive prompt and salts
factory results from the use of Peruna,
write at once to DR.. Hartman, giving
n full statement of your case, and he
will be pleased to give you his valuable
advice gratis.
Address DIR. Hartman, President OF
The Hartman Sanitarium, Columbus,
Ohio.
The Lamar register., 1904-05-11
Where Gun Barrels Are Made.

The Damascus gun barrel is manu-
factured only at Nessovaux, near
Liege, Belgium, while the steel barrel
is made in Liege. Every barrel must.
under the law, successfully Withstand
the government test before it Is ad-
mitted for sale. The gun barrels are
made by the workmen in their own
homes. and are delivered to the mer-
cants. who combine the parts for the
markets. 1t is the universal under
standing that the United States is the
best market for the cheap grade of
guns. The two towns sold $273.OOO
worth to the United States last year.
The Lamar register., 1904-05-11
IN AN OLD TRUNK.
Baby Finds Bottle Of carbolle Acid
and Drinks II.


and Drinks IL.
While the mother was unpacking
an old trunk little is months old
baby got hold of bottle OF carbolic
acid while playing on the floor and
his stomach was SO badly burned 1t
was feared he would not live for he
could not eat ordinary foods. The
mother says in telling Of the case:
st was all two doctors could do to
save him as it burnt his throat and
stomach so bad that for two months
after he took the poison nothing
would lay on his stomach. Finally
took him into the country and tried
new milk and that was no better for
him. His Grandma finally suggested
Craze Nuts and am thankful l adopt
ed the food for he commenced to get
better right away and would not eat
anything else. He commenced to get
fieshy and his cheeks like red roses
and now he Is entirely well.
81 took hin. to Matamoras on a visit
and every place we went to stay to
eat he called for Grape-Nuts and I
would have to explain how he came
to call for it as 1t was his main food.
The names of the physicians who
attended the baby are DIR. Eddy of
this town and DR.. Geo. Gale of New
port. o., and any one can write to
me or to them and learn what Grape
Nuts food will do for children and
erown.ups too" Name given by
Postum Co, Battle Greek. Mich.
look in each pkg. for the famous
little book. The Road to Wellville."
The Lamar register., 1904-05-11

man walked cautiously along until he
reached the weed-strewn and surf
lashed beach. He looked into the
face OF the boy who trudged beside
him.
you are a brave lad, john
brave, good lad. 1t is beginning to
rain We must hasten home"
The Lamar register., 1904-05-11
How TO Clean Laces.

To clean delicate laces, take large glass
lar. cover with old cotton and spread tho
i,.. cn refully on it, Set the bottle in warm
Ivory Soap suds and leave for an hour. II
stains are diificult to remove place in tho
sun and they will disappear. Rinse ny
ELEANOR r. PARKER.
The Lamar register., 1904-05-11
BE WARMED!
Natures
Heed

warnings, p a n
tells of lurking dis
ease. Backache Is
k | d n ey pain - a
warming of kidney
ills. Urinary trou-
bles, too, come to
tell you the kidneys
are sick. Constant
weariness, h g n d.
aches. dizzy spells.
days of pain. nights
of unrest are dan
ger signals warn
ing you to cure the
kidneys. Use Doan's
The Lamar register., 1904-05-11

Plsos Curc Is the best medicine we ever used
for all affections OF the throat and lungs.-Wh-
Q. ENpsLEY, Nanburcn. Ind. Feb. 10. l9Oo.
The Lamar register., 1904-05-11

The Worlds Fair is in st. Louis, but
the worlds fairest are nearer the Rocky
mountains.
The Lamar register., 1904-05-11

'''The Bible says. swear not at all.
"Well. ! don't swear at everybody, but
can't helm swearing nt BIZ Lynch
The Lamar register., 1904-05-11

Mrs. Windows Soothing Syrup.
For children teething, sofenH the gums reduces In
nnmaton, allays pain, cures wind collie
The Lamar register., 1904-05-11
Japan's Population.

The population of Japan is twelve
times as dense as that of the United
States.
The Lamar register., 1904-05-11

Peruna has cured thousands of cases
of female weakness. As a rule, how
ever, before Peruna is resortcd to sew
eral other remedies have been tried in
vain A great many of the patients
have taken local treatment, submitted
themselves to surgical operations, and
taken all sorts of doctors stuff, with
out any result.
The reason of so many failures is the
fact that diseases peculiar to the female
F,m,ie trouble sex are a,,, not com ,nd
Not kecognized as being caused by
as Cntarrh. n,+,,.rh u'hes., or-
gans are lined by mucous membranes.
Any mucous membrane is subject to
eatarrh.
y Catarrh of one organ is exactly the
same as catarrh of any other organ.
What will cure catae,rh of the head will
also cure catarrh of the pelvic organs.
Peruna cures these cases simply because
1t cures the catarrh.
Most of the women afflicted with pei
The Lamar register., 1904-05-11

SEX arc HOb CDllI-
monty recognized
as being caused by
catarrh. These or
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-10-12
Cause Of lockiaW,

Lockjaw, or tetanus, is caused by a
bacillus or germ which exists plenti-
fully in street dirt. 1t is Inactive So
long as exposed to the air, but when
carried beneath the skin, as in the
wounds caused by percussion caps or
by rusty nails, and when the air is ex-
cluded the germ is reused to activity
and produces the most virulent poison
known. These germs may be de-
stroyed and all danger of loc1jaw
avoided by applying Chamberlain s
Pain Balm freely as soon as the
injury is received. Pain Balm is
an antiseptic and causes cuts, bruises
and like injuries to heal without mat
uration and in one third the time re-
quired by the usual treatment. 1t is
for sale by Chas. Gamm. Brennecke &
Bergman and H. I. Eberle
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-10-12
& a 50 TT @ R
sonrs the The Kind You Have Always Bought
s' Of &<XZAzzMx
IXONIA.

David Davies returned home Satur-
day evening after visiting his daughter
Mrs. Herman Jantz at Sherry, Wis.
Mrs. Richard Humphrey of Oconomo-
woo visited with William Humphrey
and wife Thursday.
Hugh Evans and family will move
into their new house in the near future
The Watertain Fair Tuesday was well
attended by IXOnia people.
ThOs. Jones made a business trip tC
Emmett one day last week.
John NARROW and H. Mccall spent
Saturday evening at Pennington.
Mrs. E. G. Humphrey of Oconomowo DC
was seen at the village last Saturday.
Mrs. G.. Schuenke entertained her
sister from WatertOWn one day last week
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-10-12
CURE FOR VARlCOSE VEINS.
French Physician Finds That Walk
inrx L. LII.


ing Is Helpful in Most Cases.
DR.. Marchais of the Paris hospitals
has just submitted to the French
Academy of Medicine, somewhat
novel treatment for the cure of vari-
cose veins in the legs.
He had observed that among rural
postmen, obliged to go long distances
on foot, there were few men who SUI
fer from varicose veins and those
who had varicose veins quickly recov-
cred from them. Now, as rule, pa
tients with varicose veins are adj
vised to walk as little as possible,
but DR.. Marchais has changed all this
and as the result of experiments he
has successfully carried out on TWEEN
ty-one patients he asserts that the
most effective cure for varicose veins
in the legs consists of walking.
He shows that, in order to obtain
lasting results, it is necessary to go
back to the cause Of the affection,
which is the apprehension of the
blood in the veins. 1t is, he says,
possible even for those badly af-
fiicted to cure themselves by rational
daily walking exercises, preceded by
massage of the legs.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-10-12

The Chicago & Northwestern R'y has
issued new publication entitled Cali
fOrnia." 1t contains a beautiful cOlOreG
map Of the state, a list of hotels at Cali
fOrnia tourist resorts, with their capac-
ity and rates, and most interesting
series of pictures showing CALIFORNIA;
resources and attractions. The prospec-
tive visitor and settler should be in
possession of copy of this profusely
illustrated folder. Sent to any address
on receipt of four cents in stamps. One
way tickets on sale daily Sept. Is to Oct.
Is, only $500 Chicago to the Coast.
Correspondence low rates from all
points.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-10-12
Colonist Low One-way Second Class Rates

CoIonist Low One-way Second Class Rates
To California, Oregon, Washington,
Nevada, Idaho, Montana, Utah, Colorado
and Wyoming. Via the Northwestern
line, will be in effect from all stations
daily until October 10, inclusive. Stop
overs and interesting side trips. Tive
solid fast trains through to the Pacific
coast daily. ".The Overland Limited"
less than three days Ell route. Another
fast daily train with drawing room and
tourist sleeping cars and free reclining
chair cairs daily. Personally conducted
excursions. For tickets and full inform
alton apply to agents Chicago & North
Yves ern railway.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-10-12
Railroad Announcements.
Low Rates to the Pacific Goa.

Low Rates to the Pacific Coast
Via the Chicago, Milwaukee & St. Paul
Railway.
$34.65 to San Francisco, Los Angeles
and many other points in California.
1925 to Portland, Tacoma, Seattle and
many other points in Oregon and
Washington.
$500 to Butte, Helena and many other
points in Montana
$500 to Salt Lake City, Ogden and a
number Of other points in Utah,
Idaho and Colorado.
$3O.25 to Spokane and other Eastern
Washington points.
Tickets on sale every day until Octo-
Der is. Further information about rates,
routes and train service gladly furnished
by the ticket agent, or by writing to
+. A. Miller,
Gent Pass. Agent,
Chicago.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-10-12
g r. - III g. 2 l. A.a
ears the i, LhG Kind You Have Always Bought
Of AexE ZzzXSw
PENNINGTON.

Every day or night we are receiving
neavy rains, which are hindrance to
farmers in carrying out their fall work.
Mr. ane Mrs. John Wolfgram are re-
ceiving the congratulations of their
friends on the birth of a daughter.
This being their first child, John
wears broad smile. Our congratu-
lations.
After visiting for several days last
of last week with Mrs. L. Perry, Mrs.
NJ. Mccoy returned to her home at
West Allis,
Herman Jahnke is suffering from a
felon on one of his fingers,
The dance at Palm Garden Hall Sat
urday night was quite well attended.
A good time was had by those present.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-10-12
SVlLL-E.

How does this weather suit you? Oh,
all right.
More rain more rest.
Miss Florence Henning spent the last
part Of the week visiting friends at
Oc0nOmOwOc.
We have a new barber shop at the burg.
Miss Agness Marqnett of Beaver Dam
spent few days Of last week with Miss
Lizzie Kerberg.
Miss Annie Hanna who has been keep
ing house for Herman Eardtke the past
year or so left few days ago. Another
young lady from TT. Atkinson has taken
her place, who's name we have not yet
learned.
Mr.. and Mrs Hugh Humphrey were
entertained at the home of O. II. Roberts
at IXOnia last Saturday evening.
Mrs. G.. Henning and son Erwin spent
Sunday with her daughter Mrs. 6. Bur-
dick.
E. Kohl and Miss Alvina Hollitz were
business callers at WatertoWn last Mon
day.
VIM. Kerberg delivered cow to IXenia
Monday.
Miss Meta Vergance spent Sunday af-
ternoon at the home of Aug. Mere
Gertie Kohl is on the sick list.
The Misses SchradOr of OcOnOmowOc
spent Sunday at the home of their
parents here.
Forest LOunsbury was a WatertoWn
caller Sunday evening.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-10-12
The Land of Reuret.

There is a city whose gates are wide,
It's pavements pure and clean,
Where shadoWy forms fit side by side
On the road called Might Have Been"
But folks walk there with their heads
bowed low,
And heavy eyelidS wet.
For ev'ry corner is haunted so
In this, 1.-THE Land of Regret
They meet the ghosts of those other
years
In dreams of memory sweet,
And wet with passionate, frenzied tears
The graves which lie at their feet:
But never, long as their lives shall last,
Can they again forget
Who once have walked with ghosts of the
In this, 1.-THE Land Of Regret
They feel the touch of a hand grown
still,
It's fingers softly press,
The tender passion of kisses thrill
Their own in a fond caress.
All mel but pity the folks who stray
Where long the sun has set,
And walk with the ghosts who're laid
away
In this, "The Land Of Regret
Exchange.
]
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-10-12
c1
3 The best is the cheapest s
GIOYER,S
|0VERALLS
THE BEST IN TIE WORLD
|, Ask your dealer for them ,
Low Rates to the Southwest.

Via the Chicago Milwaukee and St.
Paul railway. $1,000 for one way ticket
to any point in Oaklahoma or Indian
Territory and many points in Kansas
Colrespondingly low rates to Texas and
New Mexico. Tickets are second class
colonist-and will be on sale October 4
and Is.
Ask the ticket agent for complete in
formation, or address
F. A. Miller,
Gen'I Pass. Agent,
Chicago.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-10-12
6l;lSIn Special Reduced
N@W Excursion Rates
NNTKX.KN
@EKrKNa'

Excursion rates to Yellowstone Ma
tiOnal Park, via the North Western
Line, daily, with favorable return linn
its. Variable routes. Most wonderful
scenery in the world. Apply to agents
Chicago e North Western Railway.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-10-12
To the Worlds Fair, ST. Louis, Mo.

Very low rates now in effect via the
Northwestern line to ST. Louis and re-
turn, from all points. Excellent train
service and liberal return limits. Ask
ticket agents, Chicago & Northwestern
h'y for full particulars.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-10-12

CoIonist Low One-way Second Class Rates
To Texas, New Mexico, Kansas, Okla
homa and Indian Territories. Via the
Northwestern line, will be in effect on
Tuesdays, September Goth, October 4th
and 18th. For tickets and full inform
alton apply to agents Chicago & North
western R'y.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-10-12
Special Homeseekers, Excursions

To Texas, Louisiana, New Mexico, Ok
lahoma and Indian Territories. on Tues
day October 18th. Via The North Western
Line. Round trip excursions will be
sold at vdry low rates with favorable re-
turn slimits. For further information
apply to agents Chicago & Northwestern
R'y.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-10-12
Homeseeker's Excursion Tickets,

Via Chicago, Milwaukee & ST. Paul R'y.
On sale first and third Tuesdays of
each month at one fare plus two dollars
for round trip with return limit of Fl
days. For rates, routes, ETC., apply at
ticket Office.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-10-12
RAILROAD TIME TABLE
CHICAGO NORTHWESTERN.

Chicago Passengers. $40 a. m
Chicago Passenger II 100 a. m
GAINESVILLE passenger. 1.40p. m.
GAINESVILLE Passenger 656 o. m
Both $40 a. m. and II 100 a. m. trains make
close connections at Jefferson junction Tor
Madison and all points west
40 p, m train makes close connections for
Milwaukee and Chicago.
70l D. m. train makes close connections for
east and west at Jefferson Junction.
PASSENGER sERVICE.-GOING NORTH
Lake Superior Passenger. sos a. m.
M6nOmOn66 passenger. Z:3S D. m.
Passenger arrives from Rockford at 40 a. m.
Passenger from Chicago arrives at o:20 D. m
and goes no further.
Sunday excursion goes north $50 a. m re-
tnrning goes south at 5:26 p m., making direct
connection at GAINESVILLE for Chicago.
Except Sundays,
f. NJ. NEWTON, Agent.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-10-12
Excursion Sickets to Milwaukee.

Via the North-W estern Line, will be
sold at reduced rates Oct. "a, limited to
return until Oct 25, inclusive, on account
of Prohibition Rally. Apply to agents
Chicago & Northwestern R'y.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-10-12
Very Low Excursion Rates to American
Royal Live Stock Show At

Via the Northwestern line. Excursion
tickets will be sold Oct. Is to 10, inclus.
i've, limited by extension to return until
Nov. 8, inclusive. Apply to agents Chi
cago & Northwestern R'y.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-10-12
CHICAGO, MILWAUKEE g. ST. PAUL

ITdIH NO. . dTTIVtS ITOI1 chicago dC 5:oZ p. III
daily, except Sunday.
Train Nc. 80 arrives from Milwaukee TAO p.
M. except Sundays.
Train No. % arrives from Chicago and departs
for Madison at 6:35, p. M except Sunday
No. 33 arrives from Milwaukee and departs
for Madison at 9:1O a. M, except Sunday
No. arrives from Chicago at 1892 p. M, daily
exceSt Sunday.
Sunday train from Milwaukee arrives here at
SAB a. m. Returning, departs at $40 D. M
*This train stops at Watertown Junct. only.
Train No. 43 leaves Milwaukee at IL 100 p. IN.
Saturdays only, arrives at WatertOWn at 1886. a.
N.
Train No 40 leaves Watertown for Milwau-
kee at 5lO p ~, Saturdays and Sundays only.
GEORGE w. WEBB, A ent.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-10-12

Very Low Rates to international Live Stock
Exposition at Chicago,
Via the Northwestern Line. EXcur-
sion tickets will be sold Nov. q, % and
go, limited to return until Dec 5, inclus-
i've, Apply to agents Chicago & North
Western R'y.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-10-12
MAILS CLOSE.

MAILS CLOSE.
Mails close at the Post Office as follows;
EAST WEST NORTH. SOUTH.
900 a. ms 1920 p. m* 2:20 p. ms 1880 p. m.
2OOp MS 9:00p. m. 800 p. NJ 300 p. m.
4:45 p. ms
900 p. m.
WATERFOWL and Madison, 5:55 a. ,n.,* 6:15 p. ms
Pipersville. Affection, Pennington and Ebene-
ger, 1880 a. me-
Lebanon. 700 a. n.
Greliton Thursdays and Saturdays, 400 p. M.
Except Sundays.
VIM f. GRUETZMACHER,P p. M.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-10-12
WANTED.

Special Representative in this county and ad-
joining territories, to represent and advertise an
old established business house O solid financial
standing Salary $21 weekly, with expenses ad-
vanced each Monday by check direct from head
quarters. Horse and buggy furnished when nee
essary; position permanent. Address Blew
Bros. & Co.. Dept. A, Monon Bldg. Chicago.
Ill. 6t6
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1904-03-25
KEG WAS NOT DELIVERED.
Failure of an Overworked Scheme in
 Prohibition Kansas. .a..

The other day a drayman stopped at the Cottage Studio in broad daylight with a ten gallon keg and started to unload it. MT Alvord chased out and asked the drayman what was in the keg. The drayman looked foolish and said: T ain't supposed to know. I guess it is the real thing, though. It's got government seal. on it.' Well, you take it back to the depot and tell them they've parked up the wrong tree. cNeosho river hydrant water is good enough for Methodists. l refuse to accept it as gift The draynan started back to the depot.
 An investigation revealed the fact that ruse, much used by some brew cry firms, is to forward, without order, keg of liquor, and there is a techni- cality of the law which compels man to pay for goods if he permits the goods to be unpacked at his place. The company takes it for granted that rather than fight the case at the risk of his reputation the consignee will pay for 1t. It is said this has been tried on several Emporia men who have good names and no more use fol whiskey than they have for icicles down the backs of their shirts. The same plan is used by some oil com panies. When a barrel of oil is or dered they will duplicate the order running the chance that the consigned will permit it to be unloaded 1t his place of usiness.-Emporia Gazette.
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1904-03-25
HEARD IN PASSING

Grover Cleveland denies that he IS to join the Masons. He has spent too much time studying the habits of fish and ducks to be interested in the goat problem. Washington Post.
 We would like to learn the Mormon methods of making a living. 4 man who can provide for five wives and one hundred children under present. prices is a financial wonder.-Mem- phis News.
 The Tammany appointment of a ne gro lawyer to the office of assistant corporation counsel in New York will be regarded as an admission that the negro vote is now considerable ele- ment in the politics of the big city. The appointee, whose name is James, Dickson Carr, is. to receive $2,OO0 a year. He is native of Baltimore, and Is D years old. He is gradu- ate of Rutgers college and the Colum- bia Law school. and was admitted to the bar of New York ill 1895. He was appointed in 1899 deputy assistant distrct attorney by Colonel Asa Bird Gardiner. being the first negro ap- pointed to such a position by the dem- ocratic party.-Hartford Times.