The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-03-06


invested in a single seated freak affair with
a coachman in front and footman Dehlnu.
Doctor Crepe coppered this bet with the
green automobile and genuine imported
French Chauffeur and now II was up TO
Doctor Mortem. 1t was at this Juncture
in the meditations of the latter that one OF
the reporters asked him what he was gong
to do with the elephant The answer came
as an inspiration.
I'm going to drive it,
That was good for a score or more extra
columns, first and last, and the doctor
made good. He had a rig designed by an
opium fiend. and taught the elephant TO
mind the bit. a serious drawback de-
veOped, however There were too many
sharp corners to turn, and every time they
came to one of them the rig swung up In
the air, and whirled around a wide arc that
swept aside too many pedestrians. Inc
thiro day the thing flew around and bumped
into beer wagon, and all there was lett
of that swell vehicle was fancy toothplckS.
1t was worth q few more columns, TO ne
sure, and Doctor Crepe, mistakenly added
TO the effect by trying to have the elephant
declared a dangerous nuisance. Doctor
Mortem had a few friends in the city hall.
however, and the thing merely put him on
his mettle. He designed his own turnout
this time and it was marvel. He had IL
made the lines of a baby's parambulator.
lined with red 3nG black velvet, and had
the elephant push from behind instead OF
pulling the thing. 1t was wonderful now
speedy that elephant became. The new
outfit worked like a charm too, and at
last Doctor Crepe was driven to the lux
uriant jimson weeds. There was nothing
left for him to dc but import a span or
camels, and he was losing practice every
day, so that he really couldn't afford it.
The JRajah's elephant could be seen stand
ing patiently in front of the homes or the
multi-mllionaires any day after that, and
II ii hadn't been for one thing the doctor
would still have been practicing, and stack
ing his money away lis barrels in the coal
cellar. That one thing was HatneeS hatred
for a monkey aud at last the blow fell
doctor
away from the mansion of one of his
patients who so sick that he wanted
to give away enough of his money to the
poor to buy reserved seat in heaven, when,
all Unexpectedly, they came upon hand
organ man with particularly vicious-look-
ing simian. The Italian was just starting
his wheeze box when Hatnee trumpeted and
started for that monkey. No animal ever
longed for the jungle with the agonized
ardor this one did, as il lodged down the
center of the street between push cart
and potato wagon with Hatnee and the
doctor in hot pursuit. The doctor didn't
particularly care about catching the monkey
but Hatnee was too faithful to leave him
behind, so there he was in his black and
red perambulatOr going at a twO-twelve
clip and sorry for the push-cart man. In
cidentally he was considerable sorry for
himself, but he need not have been, for
just as the perambulator struck and the
push cart and potato wagon scattered, the
elephants trunk lifted him TO a place Of
safety on its back; then Hatnee made an
other dash for the monkey.
"Hatnee!" commanded the doctor,
"stand!'
carriage elephant, but this time it wouldn't
work. He pounded the elephant on the
back with his heels and jabbed its hide
with his lancet, but ii never knew it. He
swore fiuently and forcibly. but his empha-
sis fell on deaf ears He paused and tried
to think up a few Sanskrit cuss words, but
they wouldn't come, so he went back to
ornamental English and drugstore Latin.
AS a last resort he kept still and enjoyed
the fun, for the idea of publicity came to
console him.
Just at that moment the monkey was
pining for a grove of tall trees and lot
of thick underbrush. The nearest thing
that offered was telegraph pole, and it
Skinned up that with the speed of bunco
promptly pulled the telegraph pole up by
the roots: 1t made an exciting clash of
wires it came down, but the doctor had
! his presence of mind with him.
Great" said he. I'll have damage bills
| to pay, but it will be worth the money. I'll
| get half page Sunday feature out of thisl''
That was nimble monkey and it had
! once been in the circus business. You
! could tell by the way it walked wires.
| As the big pole crashed down it lit out for
| the next one with Batnee a close second.
| The elephant had no time to pull UP this
| pole, he just butted it down, while the
| doctor held OH to Hatnee'S ears and lodged
the pole as the monkey skipped on over
| head The elephant upset a hay wagon and
| steerod straight for the next pole.
Great gdsped the doctor, as the third
one came crashing down. ''Ill get a full
| They came to crossing and Hatnee
| brushed a passing street car off the track.
Crash went another pole, and still the
| monkey went chatterlng on ahead. 1t was
| getting interesting now. AS pole after pole
| went changing down, and vehicle after
vehicle went topping over, the doctor be-
gan to figure that his full page was going
to cost him whole lot too much They
| passed over two or three blocks and their
| wake looked like backyard in house
cleaning week. Boxes and barrels and
crates and bales, and specimens OF every
| vegetable that ever grew strewed the street,
| and still the poles came down and still the
| damage bin piled up.
The doctor was getting more exercise than
| he had taken in years AS he bobbled from
| one side TO the other, however, holding to
| Hatnee's ears like death to a good man.
his coat flew open and a bundle of letters
came tumbng out of mis- inside pocket
| just they came to a crossing. The doc
| tor groaned as he saw that fate had sent
| Doctor Crepe along 10 pick them up for
those letters identified Doctor Mortem with
| the highly unprofessionaI patent medicine
business
| AS the next pole snapped in two the doc
| tor realized that the jig was up. He had
| lost his professional standing and that
| meant the loss of his gold-plated trade.
| He didn't care what happened to him now.
| SO he whooped little by way Of relief from
| his load of anxiety and urged Hatnee along.
| He was getting anxious himself now to cap
/ ture that monkey The old savage joy in
| the pleasure of the chase took possession
| of him. and ne fairly glowed as he re-
| Elected that he was the only man on earth
who had ever enjoyed a monkey hunt. on
| an elephant mount, in the heart of a large
| city.
Bang, Snap, Crash! Through the city
| they tore. out past the suburbs and on into
| the country roads, their way marked by a
| swath OF tall poles and tangled wires
| From this arose the rumor that Mr. Cas-
| sat had chopped down George Gould's tele-
graph poles. Pshaw. Mr.. Cassatt wouldn [
/ do such a thing. He'd not blister his hands
with such work that
| The elephant responded nobly, but its
| strength was nearly spent, while the mon
key was apparently as fresh as ever. 1t
| Ventured down on the road now and went
! skiting up over the hill like a flash of
| charged once more then tumbled over and
| dumped the doctor into a hedge fence
Well, the hunt was all over now. and the
| stern realities of life would have to be
| faced, The doctor gazed back at the path
| of destruction. figured on the damages till
| his head ached. thought his shredded
reputation and gave it up! 1t was too much
| for him.
Life not worth living anyhow, He
| extricaJed himself from the thorns, walked
| across the road to where some men had
| been blasting for a well, borrowed some
dynamite. made eight large capsules of the
| stuff, swallowed them and pounded himself
/ In the stomach with hamme-i