West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1904-01-28
BROTHER GARDNER.


"My frens," said Brother Gard
ner, as he stood up in his plac,
after the routine business OF tn,
Lame Kiln club had been disposed
OF the other evening, 81 has bir
tcllin' yo' fur de last FIVE years da
yo' am all wrong an orter change,
an I'ze gwiae to repeat my word,
again to.night. / has bin waichin
de culPd man and woman might,
clus fur long time back. an I'zs
tellin, yo' dat mos of 'em am gittin
ready to cum down outer de tree
wild bang an bump.
"Dar hain't skassly culld man
ofmy acquaintance day who hahn,
paying out mo- money fur his cuffs,
collars an neck.ies dan was paid fun
de clothes of hull family IS years
age.
1--WE needn't 60 outside dis club
to find SIGH cases of extravaganza as
will make de ole-fashioned folks
open der eyes. From whar stand
l kin preceive dat:
"Waydown Beebe am wearin' a
dimund pin dat nebber cost less'n
TO- dollars.
"Givcadam Jones has squeezed
dem big feet of his into a pair of
patent leather shoes dat cost de
same, an am maxim a cripple of
him.
Samuel Shin has got dollar
shirt, a 5o-cent neckue and cuffs
good huff fur milIyonaire.
"Kurnal Johnson has got a
watch dat cost him Sro and chain
dat cost So mo-, an he is swellin'
around as If he owned de club.
abraham Lincoln Jones has
blossomed out in sky-blue neck
tie an dimund pin, an he must
have 5-cent cigars or none tall.
"Eben Elder Penstock, dat ole,
grayheaded patriach who used to be
satisfied wild straw hat in January
and shoes widout heels, now comes
marchin' into dis hall wild de latest
thing in shoes an a regular plug
hat.
"When l take my leetle daily
walks ar invited into de house of
Brudder Johnson. At de parlor
windows I behold lace curtains.
On de parlor floor / behold real.
carpet. On de mantel l behold
cuckoo clock. / am invited to sit
down on stuff cheer, an Mrs.
Johnson brings me in glass of beer
an hunk of frosted cake. list
sot dar wild my eyes bulgin' out an
can't say word. Brudder Johnson
amt airnin' but SIo a week, an how
does he git all dat luxury If his
ole ladder and mudder, who libed
up to 20 years ago, had woke up
some mawnin' an found dat cuckoo
clock cuck-oo-in' away in de parlor
dey'd have fallen ober dead,
ode next house l go into am
Brudder Simpsons. an | am skassly
inside when l see a parlor organ
standing VI. as bold as a hill, an
dar am a rug on de Hoah plenty
good huff fur kings palace.
ar offered wine and angels food
yere, an also learn dat Brrdder
Simpson am 'spectin' to bny a re-
wolvin' bookcase an de works of
all de poets dis winter. OATS Brud-
der Simpson, and he Arms $40 a
week in woodward. HIS ole fad
der am Iibbin' yet, but he won't lib
two days arter SEEM dat rewoIvin'
bookcase go rewolyin' around.
az call at de house of Brudder
Cabiff to see if his baby am better
of de croop, and find more stuff
cheers, mere princely rugs an more
luxuriousness. He has been an got an
extension table an sidebo'd in de
dining room. / ar offered milk
punch an sweet biscuit, but can't
eat nor drink. / ar all choked up
wild surprise an wonder.
On de street, de same day, meet
Guild women wheeling their picka-
mines in sIo baby kerudges, while
de mudders am carryin' fo'-doIlar
parasols an dressin' in silks. I
don't faint away at de sight, but I
do git SIGH a wobbIe in my knees
dat have 70 lean up agin de fence
to rest befo' / kin go on.
"Ali around me hear about dis
man gwine to de races, dat man
rentin' postofss box an some
odder man buYin' a SIS obercoat.
Widin de last month, 'cordin' to my
own knowledge.
ode wife Of Abraham Green has
gibcn high tea.
ode wife Of Prof. Comeback has
giben a birthday party.