Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1904-11-30
Humorous

Gracie-oh! Stealing jaml I'm going
to tell mammal Freddy-Wouldn't
you rather have some jam?-Harper's
Bazaar.
she-How is 1t that widows gener-
ally manage to marry again? He-Be-
cause dead men tell no tales-Ally
Sloper.
Sparticus-Does that fountain-pen Of
yours leak that way all the timei
smarticus-No, only when have ink
in baltimore American.
II see you advertise piano covers"
said the man with squiint. Yes, we
have all kinds" said the clerk. "Let
me look at some that are Theoretically
sealed, then."-Yonkers Statesman.
1--WE met several other peopls from
your city," said the Bostonian, land
every one of them said: Where is It
at'i" "where is what att" demanded
the New Yorker.-Kansas City INDIE
pendent.
slidey Slats-Please, mum, but were
a couple Nv shipwrecked sailors--
Lady-What! You never was near the
water. slidey Substantially right,
mum. puffickly right We wuz on q
air-ship.-Judge.
"Do you mean to say you don't have
any trouble in keeping your wife
A-a..aH ~ hoiuhf ~ 70 ohinn ~
That's what said. My trouble comes
when I don't keep her dressed that
way."-Philadelph Press.
II suppose you have made 1t rule
in politics never to forget friend"
There's no danger of that" answered
Senator Sorghum; if man has done
anything friendly for you in politics he
never lets you forget tx.
Crabshaw-He has the inventive fac
ulty very highly developed. Crawford
What has he invented? Crabshaw-
Nothing, 20 far as know. But when
his wife goes out he can think Of things
to keep the baby amused by the hour"
Judge.
she-Jack played an awfully heart
less trick on Flossie. He-How's thatf
shs-Why, they were engaged, you
know, and last night, at the bal
masaus, Jack made up so that Flossie
didn't know him. He proposed and
was accepted again!-Puck.
Now that you are wealthy, Mr..
O." said the man who deals in pedi-
grees and the like, you really should
begin to adopt coat of arms" "rll
do Just as please" retorted Mr.. g..
hotly. IF like to go about in my
shirt sleeves, that amt none o your
businessl''
"When you first entered politics"
said the young man, who was looking
for knowledge, did you set out with
the determination to win ut any cost2"
"No," answered Senator Sorghum, II
set out with the determination to win
at as little expense as possible" -
Washington Star.
IT won't go abroad" "sea travel
disagrees with you? mo" "Busi-
ness keeps you here continually, ehi'
"No." sightseeing wearies you:"
mo" '.rhen why, pray, don't you so
abroadT "Sh-h-h! I've only got four
dollars and twenty-five cents. "-Cleve-
| land Plain Dealer.
Overheard. During the Theatricalss
she-How' well your wife plays Lady
Geraldine, Mr.. Jones! I think the way
she puts on that awful affected tone
il just splendid. How does she4pan-
age 1T Mr.. Jones with embarrass-
ment)-Er-she doesn't. That's her
natural voice.-London Tit-Bits.
Darling" exclaimed the happy hus-
band after the minister had pro-
nounced the fatal words. II am not
worthy Of you" "Of course, you are
not" she replied; "but after girl has
celebrated her twenty-tifth birthday
for Ave consecutive years she can't af-
ford to be too particular. "-Cincinnah
Enquirer.
"AIr. Scrapem," said the hostess to
an amateur violinist Mt an evening
gathering, "you play the violin, do you
not?" Eyes, after fashion, you
know" was the modest reply. How
nicev' murmured half the company;
"dld you bring your violin with your"
mo: I did not" How nicew MUIR
INJURED the other half of the company
in fervent unison.-Galveston News.
Hodge (who has just had tooth
drawn)-well, guv'nor, how much do
you ak for the job? You did do it
quick. Dentistry charge is two-and-
six. Hodge-Two-and-six Why. a
doctor down at our place drawed a
tooth for me once and it took him two
hours; he hauled me round and round
the room-I never seed such hard
work-and he only charged me shill-
in'.-Scraps.
Are you fatalist Do you be-
lieve what is to be will be?" "Well.
yes, to certain extent. believe, for
Instance, when draw my salary that
the coal trust and the meat trust and
the grocer and the milkman, and the
rest Of the people who make 1t their
business to get my money away from
me, are going to do it just as surely as
the sun is sure to rise tomorrow morn
lng."-Chicago Record-Herald.
A farmer and his wife called at
photograph gallery to order some pho
tographs of her, and while the oper-
ator was getting ready, the husband
gave the wife little advice as to how
she must act. "Fasten your mind on
something" said he, "or else you'll
laugh. and spile the job. Think about
early days; how your father got in
Jail, and your mother was an old scold-
er. and what you'd have been if
hadn't pitied you. Jest fasten your
mind on to that!'' She didn't have any
photographs taken.
A Poor Receipt
Don't talk to me about the receipts
In that magazine" said Mrs. Lane,
With great anarpv tNVaSn't fhof th<,