The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1904-05-11
Mrs. SWimbIadder
IorlglnaLl

airy makeup Is a knowledge or human
nature; that another is faeulty for
noting real circumstances Illustrative
OF common idiosyncrasIes and weaving
them into literary work. That may be.
but there's lot Of risk In 1t. People
love to read about their neighbors FOL
bles. but you just let them fancy them.
selves held up in the same way. and il
the fur doesn't Gy have no knowledge
oEhuman nature.
Now. had an inkllng before com
menced to write that I'd better keep
OF from actual people and actual oc-
currences. This adhered to. took a
great deal Of pains to get names for
my characters that dt1tt belong to
any one. As for actuJl cldents. the
only ones that came unIer ms observa-
ton were those pertaining TO my own
wife, Mrs. Moss. As She didn't object
! resolved TO draw my incidents from
home.
Now. one would say that such q
course would be perfectly safe. aud II
there were no trouble accr0ing from
my home deiineations there would be
none from any other source. II seemed
TO me that all | had to do was to find q
name for Mrs. Moss. and to make as
surance doubly sure | determined TO
find one that would not be claimed by
any one. In book on physiology /
found mention OF the swim bladder OF
fishes. II occurred to me that II any
one bad been born under the name OF
Swimbladder he or she would certainly
apply to the legislature and have il
changed determined to portray my
wife's humanity under the name OF
Mrs. Swimbladder. would pose as
MIR. Swimbladder.
Trouble began with my first article.
When one morning at the. breakfast In
bic Mrs. Moss was finding fault with
her dearest friend remarked that a
safe rule for our guidance was TO first
look within ourselves TO be sure that
we were not ourselves at fault. She
replied that 1t would be Impossible for
NE TO have said anything that more
clearly applied TO myself, adding that
IL was singular how people could never
see their own weakness and never take
their own advice. 1t occurred to me
that this was nice point In human
nature, and wove 1t into my morn
inGs work. This, my first paper on
domestic points, was accepted and was
printed the next Sunday morning In
the magazine part of a newspaper.
ON Monday morning as stepped out
ON to the front steps found my next
door neighbor. with whom had no
acquaintance, standing on his door.
step. He was there waiting for me.
Are you Moss? he asked olninously.
Il am Mr.. Moss" l replied, nettled
at his incivility.
We'll, ! want 10 give you my opinion
of man who win listen TO what his
neighbors say TO each other and write
EN- up Ia the newspapers"
Il don't understand you, SIR"
Last week MY wife snubbed me by
telling me that instead of looking for
other peoples faults I'd better take no
tice Of my own. We were sitting in
IN open window and could easily be
heard from window in your house
Yesterday | found my wife ridiculed
In a morning paper under the name OF
Mrs. Swimbladder"
If the accusing angel who flies up
TO heavens chancery had written down
my name Martin Moss, murderer,
would not have been more astonlshed
assured the man that had not re
terred to his family, but he laughed
me. TO scorn, only he glared and growl-
ed instead of laughing. and remarked
thatif ever did 1t again" he would
take 1t out of my hide"
This beginning was not reassuring.
but, thinking it to be coincidence. |
kept close to Mrs. Moss and my own
toibles. In few weeks my wife re.
ceived n note from one Of her best
friends saying that she did not longer
wish the acquaintance Of woman
who had nothing better 10 do than to
70 tattling to- her husband instances
that had occurred in the families Of
her friends. This was another dasher,
but. as the Hoosier poet says:
4 chawed on
Within another month my wife and
| began 10 notice that our friends were
dropping us from their invitations. and
rs time went on they did not happen
10 be looking our way when we passed
them or the street. My articles were
In great demand. and received invita-
lions 10 write for numerous period
ic;'ls, but found that we were very
much alone in the world and my wife
began 10 complain that life under a
ban was not worth living. Then it oc-
CURED 20 NE that the commonplace in
cidents OF our lives are peculiar to
those OF other families. But, TO repeat
the words Of the poet:
Il chawed on"
The end came In this wise: As I
emerged from my door one afternoon
l received blow that fellcd me on
the steps When recovered my senses
| looked up and saw burly man
standing over me ready to punch me
again when got up.
For heavens sake!" exclaimed.
who are you. and what grudge have