Waterbury evening Democrat., 1904-07-23

since he died we have really done
 nothing in return for the 'pickings'
 which come our way, and if subscrip-
 tons are to keep on coming in-and
 on that one point at least we are not likely to disagree-it is high time to
 do something to let our subscribers feel
 that they are getting their moneys
 worth. Whatever that something is, 1t ought to be big-something that
 shall strike at the throne of En- gland itself, and set every other throne in Europe trembling; some
 thing that will delight our friends and terrify our enemies, and set all the
 rest of the silly world agape like a pack of geese. And think I've got it. Listen! This jubilee, that is so
 soon to come off, has done our cause
 inca1cuable damage; 1t has sent sweep ing to the very ends of the world such wave of loyalty to the throne as per- haps has never passed over our planet before Even that unutterab1e monkey
 on stick, and poser of posers, who 1 so loves to play at soldiers, and have
 his portrait taken in uniform-the em-
 peror of Germany-sits securer on his i throne to-day because of the jubilee in
 England It has strengthened the po-
 sition of monarchism immensely and | has put back the day of democracy by 1 a good 50 years. The picturesqueness
 of the thing and the sentiment of it-- the queens being woman and a
 widow, and all that-have turned the
 heads of even thoughtful people, and I it wouldn't surprise me If jubilee day
 saw even the staid members of this
 council waving their hats and yelling 1 themselves hoarse with the rest of the I populace. Well, gentlemen, to come to busi-
 ness. The Strand, as some of you
 know, is to be decorated with festoons l of colored celluloid balls 2 stretched { across the road This will look pretty { in daylight, and prettier at night, as
 each ball is really an electric lamp,
 and when they are all lit up the effect ] will be splendid. I've taken certain house in the Strand for the occasion. l I've engaged it for the night before the ] jubilee and for jubilee night as well, I so that people that are nervous about l the crowd (and expect the crowd
 won't be bad second to the Day of I Judgment in the point of numbersl I can sleep there before and after the l event, and so see the show in comfort.
 And if any of you want to see some l thing more exciting than the show,
 think can promise it, and I shall be happy to reserve seats. I've rented
 the roof of the house with the rest of | S4 3c rIy Sh al
 up there on the night before the jubi-
 lee. I shall take with me certain eel 1 luloid ball, which looks exactly like
 those used for decorative purposes, but
 which in reality contains deadly
 bomb, so constructed that the slightest 1 concussion will explode 1t. One end of I the wire rope supporting the festoons of celluIoid balls is secured to the roof I of the house have taken This wire
 rope I shall undo, and slip my own
 celluloid bomb ball upon it, letting l the thing slide down till it reaches the
 slackest part of the rope, which will, l of course, be the center, and so just over the middle of the road There
 will be too much going on below for l any one to notice that one of the many f
 have an extra ball; and if they do no-
 tice 1t they'll only suppose that it is
 one that has got out of it's place l Well, when the show passes shall be
 on the roof with pair of sharp steel l pincers, and at the precise moment when the queen, surrounded by the
 royal princes, is passing under the
 festoons, snip the wire, the bomb
 falls, and then-well, then guess we
 snuff out the entire royal family at one wipe. How's that for high, gentle
 men? I rather f1atter myself it's pret- l ty. Anyhow, it'll be the biggest and I the tidiest thing in the way of royal i assassination that history can show. l If you want me to put the thing l through, say the word, and I'm your
 man. guess it'll bring the subscrip-
 tions in at such rate that we shall
 all be able to chuck conspiracy and re- I tire into private life to spend the l pieces What do you say, gentlemenF
 There's no need for us to say any I thing sneered Councillor Number
 Five, who seemed determined to main
 tain an attitude of opposition to every
 thing that Number Two had proposed You talk big enough for a houseful
 yourself. Don't you think all this
 blowing off would sound more to the
 purpose after the event than before It ! Even a hen doesn't oackle till she's
 laid an egg
 tIf you have formed any plan for
 striking blow which is more likely to
 start1e the world and to induce sub l scriptions, replied Number Two, cold ly, "I shall be happy to withdraw my i proposal
 e'I thought not he went on when Number Five shook his head, then in that case perhaps you will yourself. undertake the carrying out of the plan l which have had the honor to submit l to the council.''
 He stopped as he spoke, and lifting l the brown bag, of which mention has
 already been made, opened it, and talk