Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1904-04-20
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wait until you hear 1t play.
Teacher-Where was the Declare
ton of Independence signed? Tommy
At the bottom.-Chicago Daily News.
Wantnnno-Why do You call that
boy of yours ''Flannel?' Duzno-Be-
cause he just naturally shrinks from
washing
Editha-1 wonder why the dudes
wear one eyeglass? Deborah-To pre-
vent seeing more than they are able to
comprehend.
MA, is there any pie left in the
pantry?" There is one piece, but you
can't have it, You are mistaken,
ma; I've had it."
Fond PARENT understand the fac
ulty are very much pleased with your
work. Dropped Junior-Yes. they en-
cored my sophomore year.
"Gruce, can you tell me what is
meant by cubic yard?" II don't
know exactly, but guess it's yard
that the Cuban children play in"
Old Grlm-Remember, young man.
there is always room at the top.
Young sprawley-Oh. know that;
I'm waiting for the elevator now
Judge.
Lord Littlecash Qovingly)-You are
my soul. Edith-Yes; told papa that.
"Oh. what did he say?" Said you
didn't earn enough to keep your soul
and body together"
Nurse-Johnny, stop asking your IA
Their SO many questions. Don't you
see 1t annoys him? Johnny-Why.
nurse, it's not the questions that make
him angry; it's because he can't an
swer them.
A husband said to his wife: II
dreamed last night that caught man
running away with YOU" what did
you say?' she asked. II wanted to
know wllat he was running for" re-
piled the husband.
Mrs. Closefist-Oh, do buy me new
bonnet, my dear. 1t will set all my
friends talking. Closefist--If you're
after notoriety. why don't you get the
U!u UNc 1uUl VIII AA0hC
your friends talk twice us much.
81 see that choice Bengal tigers
have been marked down to 500 each.'
For goodness sake. don't let my wife
read that paragraph. Here's my knife.
Cut it out If those tigers are on the
bargain counter she'd want Mt least
two
He (bitterly)-If l were rich you'd
marry me fast enough! She-Don't,
Gussie, don't. Such devotion breaks
my heart! He-Whnt do you mean?
she-Often you have praised my
beauty, but never before my common
sense!
Hello, Freddie! Are you playin
robber:' "Playin' nuthin'. This is
the real thing. I'm waitin' for the
cook, an when she comes she'll tell
where she hides the pies, or I'll know
the reason why.'-New York Evening
Journal
John" asked the lawyers wife,
who had recently taken up the health
culture fad. sis 1t best to lie on the
right side or the left side:" My
dear" replied the legal luminary, IF
one is OH the right side it isn't usual
ly necessary to lie at ALL"
Mrs. Youngwed-You know Uncle
Pincher said he wa $ going to send 10
something that would help us save
our coal bills this year? Well. it came.
Mr.. Youngwed-Really A stock OF
coal? Mrs. Youngwed-No. A little
arrangement for filing bills.
He las they were seated in quiet
nook near the links)-Are you quite
sure we have never met before this
season? She-Yes; quite positive. He
And you haven't sister? She
No; why do you ask? He-Well. I'm
positive Rugged that blouse before.
somewhere.
| Call girl chick, and she smiles;
call woman hen, and she bowls.
Call young woman witch. and she
is pleased; call an old woman n witch,
| and she is indignant. Call girl n
kitten, and she rather likes 1T; call u
woman n cat, and she'll hate you.
| Queer sex, isn't it?-Chicago News.
Burglar-Gimme yer jewels! Indy
of the House-Did you shut the win.
dow after you? Are you sure you
wiped your feet? What did you do
with that burnt match? Did Bur-
glar-Er-I-I guess forgot 1t.
Don't say another word. ma'am, an
I'll go right out.-Chicago News.
Did 1 understand you to say that
you didn't have any company in the
kitchen while was out, Katie?"
"Yis, mum, that's what said" but
smell the tobacco from pipe all
through the house." "Yis. mum; the
policeman was i'll for half an hour.
mum, but we were in the drawing
ROOM"
Economical: First farmer-Did they
hev fire-escapes at the hotel where
We slept, Zeke? Second farmer-No.
but 1t was the most astronomical tav.
ern ever seen. First farmer-In
what way, Zeke? Second farmer
Why. they had rope hanging in ev-
cry room, so that you could commit
| SulClue NibIoul MasliA tlS Htts
adelphia Telegraph
He Told Her at Last.-"rhere Is
something" he said, "that have want.
ed to tell you for a long time, but
"Oh, Bertie,' she said, blushing sweet
ly, mot here in the car before all these
people. Wait. Come this evening"
Its merely that you have a streak
of SCOT down the middle of your nose,
but couldn't for the life of me get
a word in till just now."-Ch,cago Rec.
ord-Herald.
| >,
Murder Record in South Carolina.
According to the report of the at
torney general of South Carolina to
the General Assembly of that State.
the circuit solicitors have tried since
1883 2,7S1 cases for murGe:. During
the last five years 9SS murder trials
have been held and in 492 of these the