The San Francisco call., 1904-12-25
CHAPTER xxx.
With ODcn Eyes.

Sibylla had allotted to Christine a
small sitting-rOom on the first floor OF
the house to be her private resort dur
ing her visit; they neither Of them
liked a drawing-rCom existence all day
long. Here Christine sax waiting John
Fanshaw's arrival She had taken much
thought wherewithaI she should be
clothed, but that wa rather the in
stinct which asserted itself in her on
any occasion of moment than a token
of confidence in the weapon Of becom-
ing apparel. A fair appearance was
never to be wholly neglected by the
wise. but she did not rely on it now.
The most that any charming could do
would be To extOrt passing admira-
tiOn, which in its tuTI1 might secure
a transient forgiveness; but reaction
of feeling would surely wait on it, She
did not want to be forgiven in that
way. In truth she hardly wanted for
giveness at all; at any rate she would
greatly dislike the process. She had
been put in the corner, as she said.
The position was not pleasant; but be-
ing called cut again with the admOni-
tiOns suitable TO the moment was
scarcely a more agreeable situation. BY
parting her from him, first IN spirit.
then in daily life, John had hardened
her heart toward him. He had made
her dwell more and more not on her
sin, but On his right to inflict pen
atty. More and more she had remem-
bered what Caylesham had said. and
had asked if he who benefited by the
act-Of his own viii benefited by it
had any title to despise the hand which
was guilty of it. Johns distress, his
doubts. struggles and forlornness. had
pleaded against this judgment Of him
while she was with him. The idea OF
them had grown faint with absence;
John had left himself to be dealt with
by reason then. and reason saw only
what he had done; the eye could no
longer trace the sorrow and the strug-
gle which had gone with his deed.
Her mind was on Caylesham too. She
had Just read a letter from Anna Sell
ford. 1t was full of Anna and her
frOcks Much advice was needed-when
was Mrs. Fanshaw coming back TO
town2). 1t had a good deal to say OF
Blake and his handsome presents; and
it touched on Caylesham with a rather
acrimonious note. He had been to see
them and had not made himself very
agreeable really Anna did not see that
there was anything 20 crfticise. nor.
above all. that Lord Caylesnam had
any call TO set up as a critic if there
were Christine smiled over the pass
age, picturing so well the secret irony
and the intangible banter which Gayle
sham would mingle with his cOngrat-
ulati0ns and infuse into his praises
Anna would not shrink nor retreat. but
she would be angry and rather helpless
before the sting Of these slender darts.
Memories stamped on her very soul
stocd out in salient letters and the face
of Caylesham seemed 10 hang in the
air before her eyes To reTnaFnber low
ing is not to love- but it may make
all other love seem a second rate thing
She loved Caylesham no longer. but
she was without power TO love any one
as she had loved him. Others had his
vices others his virtues, such as they
were. The blend in him had been for
her the thing her soul asked Time
could not wither the remembrance, al
though il had killed the feeling itself
Net Johns displeasure was the great
est price she had paid: not Johns for
giveness could undo or blot out the
past Johns friendship and cOmrade-
ship were the best things the world had
tC offer her nOw-and she wanted them:
but she wanted them not as the best.
but because there was nothing bet
ter.
She had not thought OF blame for
Caylesham, nor Of bitterness against
him. Here her fairness Of mind came
in-her true judgment OF herself All
along she had known what he was and
what he gave. as well as what she was
and gave He had given all he had
ever prOfessed to give. tShe was not
thinking Of words or phrases. but OF
the essence Of the attachment, well
known to both.) If it had not been all
she sought, still she had accepted il
3 enough-as enough to make her hap
py. enough return for all she had to
offer. She would net repudiate the bar
gain now. Frank had been straight
and fair with her. and she would cast
no stone at him. Only it was just very
unlucky that matters should fall out
in the way they had. and that she