The Birmingham age-herald., 1904-11-01
STANDARD SET FOR GOOD CANDIDATES Aspirants Must be Able to Talk
 Pleasant in Rain BIRMINGHAM MEN THERE" Smooth Young Man Works Nice Scheme to Get Some Spending
 Money and a Candidate Is
 Made Much Wiser.
BIRMINGHAM MEN THERE"

The International and Independent As- soclation of Continual and Consistent | Candidates has laid down in a recent edict the following standard fixing the quali- f1cation and standard for those who run for office and who should be given the support of the craft:
 "A good, substantial and successful candidate should be able at any and all times to stand on the uncovered sidewalk in a downpour of rain and mold tightly 10 the lapel of a mans coat who Is anxious ta talk but who has no vote or influence. He must listen attentively to every word that is said and laugh heartily at any ard all jokes that are told nlm no matter how many times he has heard them before.
 He must hold on to the coat collar with an affectionate grasp and ever and anon (principally anon) look up at the clouds which are sending down deluge of water He must shake the water from his face like a bull frog playing In an old mill pond, as if he liked it. The said candidate must stand there until the talker has gone through all of his jokes. He should then gently put his arm around the mans shoulder and after tell ing him how much he thought of the last joke lead the perpetrator to nearby saloon and buy him a drink. The candi- date must also drink so as to keep off tu- berculosis He should then introduce the man to his brother candidates and hurry back to his headquarters where he has important business. much to his regret.
 
 do the rest"
 Makes a Good Candidate.
 It is argued in this edict that man who can stand this pressure is good candidate and entitled to the benefits of the organization.
 The edict was shown to several or the Birmingham candidates for mayor yester- day, and while they belong to the order they laughed at the qualifications. "Why' little thing like that is pipe down here" said one of them as he laughed de- risively We have to go up against stronger things than that every day"
 Notwithstanding this satirical comment, the candidates here are anxiously await ing a shower so as to show how strong
  of the more timid of the mayoralty aspi- rants was observed in his back yard yes- terday practicing with a hose while he talked to a recently arrived tramp. It is said that he came out with flying colors, and immediately went down town and increased his estimate of the number of votes he would receive until it was clear | fs1 .l.,ot tod asa ballot
 Dame Rumor has it that while there are astute men running for office In Bir- mingham, there are others" According to this rumor a neatly dressed young man with a wide store of information dropped into one of the headquarters yes- terday and, after asking minutely about the progress of the candidates whom he was visiting, made an astounding propo- sition.
 OIing the Machinery.
 "Now as you know he said to the can didate, "my heart and soul are with you in this campaign and I want to do some- thing to help oil the machinery. If 1t would be accepted in the proper spirit want to know if it would be all right for me to contribute $1o to the campaign fund.-"
 Certainly" said the candidate as he slowly recovered from his faint and the clerks and managers crowded about him. The visitor slowly felt around in his pockets and, very much to his embarrass- ment and discontinue, discovered that he didn't have that much money in his pocket.
 "Oh we'll" he said, q guess this will do" With that he reluctantly drew check for s25 from Lis pocket and handed it to the chairman of the finance commit tee. A clerk rushed to the money till in the rear end returned with the s15 in change. After giving his address the young man politely walked out, after receiving a hearty and loving hand shake from all hands present. A few hours afterwards 1t was discovered that the check was suitable for waste paper or for writing memoranda thereon, and no such persons had ever been heard of at | the address given.
 nCrnpEp QIIII DING pERMITS