The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1904-10-06
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Short rIlStoriss:


That sudden cabinet changes are apt
to be confusing to the officials Of the
United States in other parts OF the
world Is evident from q message re-
ceived at the Navy Department from
Admiral Yates Stirling, Of the Asiatic
squadron. Since Paul Morton of Chi
cago, the new Secretary Of the Navy,
was sworn into office, some instruc-
tions were sent Admiral Stirling, and,
with the usual brevity Of the cable
code, were simply signed Morton" I"
the last name of the Secretary. Ad.
miral Stirling answered promptly as
follows: instructions received; will be
carried out. Who is Morton? Stirling"
In the Realities of Irish Life by
W. s. French, is this anecdote: Il have
heard a story that upon one occasion
the Bishop of London asked the ceie-
brated actor, Garrick,. IL he could ex-
plain how 1t was that he and his clergy
failed to arrest the attention of their
audiences, although they preached ev-
cry Sunday Of the realities of the world
to come, while he (Garrick) filed
crowded houses with the most rapt
attention, although they knew perfect
ly well that all he was saying was fic-
ton. The reason is very plain, my
lord replied Garrick, you deal with
facts as IL they were fiction; deal
with fictions as If they were facts"
In Cuba, one night during the El
Caney affair, Gen. Lawton was watch.
ing lot of his soldiers file past, and
among them he noticed a burly negro
corporal, a six-footer, who, in addition
to two guns and two full cartridge
belts, was carrying a dog. The SOL
dier to whom the extra gun belonged
was limping alongside his comrade.
The general halted the overloaded sol
dier. Look here" he said: you
marched all night, fought all day, and
are marching again." Eyes, sah," re-
sponded the negro. "Then," said Law
ton, why on earth are you carrying
that dogT "Why, general" said the
negro, with grin, "the dogs tired"
Jay Hambridge, the artist spent
last summer In a sleepy New England
village where the older inhabitants are
opposed to anything modern. There
was a meeting of the hose company
one night, and one Of the younger
members announced that there was
sum of money left In the treasury. He
suggested that a chandelier be bought
with it. But at this juncture one of
the old inhabitants slowly arose and
cleared hts throat. 'T'll vote dead agin
any such fool plan to squander
money" he announced, firmly; "for
what's the use of buyin' one of them
dern things when it's likely there isn't
any one in the hull company that
knows how to play it?"
A Japanese youth, who obtained a
situation with an English firm on trial,
was asked by the cashier q few days
after his appointment to write to n
customer who had been owing money
to the house for long time, and who
seemed to have no intention of paying.
Write briefly and politely" said the
cashier, but let him understand dis
tinctly that we expect the money with
out further delay" The letter was
written, and on the following day came
a check for the amount due. The sur
prised cashier asked the new clerk to
show him copy Of the letter which
had been 50 effectual. 1t ran thus.
Dear Sir: II you do not send US at
once the money you owe us, we shall
be obliged to take steps which will
cause you the utmost astonishment.
Respectfully yours"