The Savannah morning news. (Savannah, Ga.) 1900-current, 1904-08-21

III AhOAS IlIl tHdI ~ amy glntleman
at club, lest he be as tn beasts Nv
tn field who don't dhrink. Boys. it's
on me.
can so, Hinnissy, tn model saloon
was opened. TIL archdeacon tapped a
irish key, tn vicar ginral tossed to-
gether a model Christyan gin-fiZz an
tn good bishop smiled binivolently as
TIL hoardy vistrymen quaffed tn MIC
issry evil. An whin tn dice-box was
passed, did tn hand iv tn potter
shake? 1 don't know, Hinnissy. But
do know tn model saloon is goin' to
be great moral infiooence in that
reighborhood. Whin tn poor wurrkin'
man goes home an thries to wind tn
clock with tn fox tarryer, tn good
woman turns to tn little vans an says:
'Childher, see what a lovely bun IA
Their has got firm tn bishop An
whin tn tired tiler wants reyfrishmint
at night, he calls: Mary Ann, take the
pitcher an go down to tn cathedral FIR
a quart I'd give something to have
what Hogan calls an impreematur over
me dure.
do 1 think it will be a success ?
Well, Hinnissy, it wudden't become me
to speak iv rival in me own line iv
business. Bishop Potter an me ARE
both Numbers ~ tn same flock, TIL
Liquor Dealers Protective ASSOCIATION,
an in that fellowship an injury to
wan is tn consarn iv all. 1 don't know
whether he has TIL qualifications FIR a
SUCCESSFUL saloonkeeper. Not that TIL
two lines is altogether apart. Both
bishop an a saloonkeeper has a flock
to take care iv but to a certain extint,
Hinnissy. We ARE each of iv us thry-
ing to keep our flock out iv tn others
hands. 1t amt ivry man that can be
bishop. An it amt ivryman that
can be a saloonkeeper. A saloonkeep-
er must be sober, he must be honest,
he must be clean, an if he's tn pastor
Nv flock iv poor wurrukin' men, he
must know about ivrything that's go
in on in tn wurruld or liver whit on
I on'y discuss tn light topics iv TIL
day with We, Hinnissy, because we're
frivolous charackter but ye'd be sur
prised to know what an Encyclopedias
man gets to be in this profissyon.
Ivry man that comes in here an has
three pans iV nicissry evil tells me.
with tears, tn secrets iv his thrade an
offers to fight me if 1 don't look in
thrested. I know injyneerin', pammis-
try, plumbin'. Christian Science, midi
cine, horseshoein', astronomy, tn care
iv tn hair, an TIL laws iv exchange,
an tn knowledge I have Nv how to
subjoo the Affections iv tn ladies wud
cause nanny a pang. l tell we, we
al a AAllC OOuy ~ IIllu. blSHOpS COM
in into tn saloon business? In be-
half iv tn Liquor Dealers Lithry Club
iv tn sixth wa-ard, 1 hereby challenge
tn college iV bishops to a spell down.
mot that I'm proud iv me profess
yon, or, shud 1 say, me art? It's wan
way iv maxim a Twin. I suppose it
was me vocation. 1 got into it first
because I didn't like to dhrive an ex-
press wagon an 1 stayed in it because
thew him hot 4
worth while. l am not a hard drink
er. 1 find if I dhrink too much I can't
meet-an' doth intellechool joynts
that swarm in here afther a meetin'
at tn rowlin' mills. On Saturdah
nights, 1 am convivyal. On New Years
eve, 1 thry to make tn OIL year just as
sorry it's LAWN me as l can. But /
have no more pleasure in shown over
to We that liquid sunstroke thin I
wud if I had to dole out collars, hair
dye, books, hard-boiled eggs, money
ore anything else that wudden't be
good FIR we. Liquor is not a nicissry
evil. Hogan says it's wan way iv ra-
alizin' tn ideel TIL next day ye're
ashmed iv ye'er ideel. TIL throuble
about it is that whin ye take it we
want more. But that's tn throuble
with ivrything We take. If we get
power, we want more power, If we
get money, we want more money Our
vices r-run on f'river. Our varchues,
Hinnissy, is what me frind Doc Casey
calls self-limiting.
But I must get back firm me lab
rtory to Bishop Potter's. Will me frind
succeed? 1 hope he will. We can't get
too many dacint men into our profess
yon. They'se wan thing wud call me
neighbours attention to. TIL unbenght-
ed American wurrukin' man likes his
drinks, as who does not? But he
wants to take it in peace. His varchues
has been wrote about. But let him
injye his few simple vices in his own
way, says 1. He goes to tn saloon an
we go to tn club mostly FIR tn same
reason. Ye don't want to go home. He
don't need annywan to push him into a
bar. He'll go there because that's a
place where wan mans betther thin
another an nobody is ra-aly on but tn
BARTENDER. There ought to be wan place
where tn poor wurrukin'man can es-
cape bein' patted on tn back. He amt
so bad, ye'er grace, as we think. Wur-
rukin' men don't dhrink to excess.
drunkenness is a vice Nv tn idle. Did
We liver see a la-ad sprintin across a
joist two hundred feet in tn air?
Dye think he cud do that II he was a
free dhrinker? TIL on'y wurrukin
men who drinks too much ARE
thruckmen, an that's because they
have so much time on their hands.
While they ar-re waitin' FIR a load
they get wan. Aven some Nv thin ARE
sober. Ye can tell them be their hats.
Somehow or another, Hinnissy, II
don't seem JUS right that there shud he
a union iv church an saloon. These two
gr-reat institutions ar-re best kept
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