Lincoln County leader. [volume] (Toledo, Lincoln County, Or.) 1893-1987, 1904-07-01


Teacher-Who was Joan Of Arcl
Pupil Why er - Noah's wife,
Princeton Tiger.
Overflow do you know he is hon
est! Duell-He declined a position in
he Postoffice Department-Life.
An odd notice has been seen over a
shop In Cairo: 81 speak English and
understand MISUNDERSTANDING.
Would you rather be right than be
P~resident?' mo, but I'd rather be
wrong than be Vice President."-Puck.
Just Help Himself: He-If I tried
to kiss you would you call for help?
She-Would you need it?-Smart Set.
The Fly-The moth seems very
grouchy. The Roach-Yes; he's been
chewing the rag all day.-Princeton
Tiger.
Naturally: $50 you reached the town
just after the cyclone?' Yes" How
did things lookT" Rather blew
Exchange.
HAS your father a bad cold?" mo,
indeed. He is merely reading the Rus
sian-Japanese wal news aloud-"-
Washington Star.
Reporter-Senator Bilkins has abso-
lutely nothing to say. Editor-Well,
boil 1t down. We are terribly crowd
ed to-night.-Puck.
Mr.. Sipp-Young man, how dare you
swear before my wife? Boy-How
did | know your wife wanted to swear
trst?-Chicago Daily News.
Barker-This is an age of high civ
ilization. Parker-Oh, l don't know;
nearly everybody is discussing how
much good the Russo-Japanese war
will do us.-Detroit Free Press.
Practical Aunt-Do you think you
are qualified to become the wife of a
poor man. Sweet Girl-Oh, yes; it's all
fixed. We are to live In a cottage, and
l know how to make cottage pudding.
"a great actor is usually welded to
his art, is he not?" YES" answered
Mr.. Stormington Barns; "many Of
them are welded. But there is a great
deal of OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES
Star.
Tramp-Td like to borry a medical
almanac, mum. Housekeeper-What
for Tramp wants ter see wot tn
doctors recommend fer an empty feel
in in tn stummick.-New York
Weekly.
Employer-And now that we are en-
gagged to be married, l suppose l shall
have to hire a new typewriter. Type
tend to the hiring Of your typewriters
after this.-Exchange.
Toogood-Jack, have you that two
pounds | lent you the other day? Hard
pusht-Not all of ii, old chap, but what
l have left will do me n day or two
longer. Very kind and thoughtful Of
you to inquire, though.
Going the Rounds: Miranda--I ac-
cepted Mr.. Mashleigh last night, and
he is going to get the engagement ring
to-day. Muriel-Oh, he already has 1t.
l returned to him this morning the one
he gave me.-Exchange.
A Remedy: Grinder-What! asleep
at your desk, and work so pressing?
Meekly-Excuse me, sir, baby kept me
awake all night. Grinder-Then you
should have brought 1t with you to the
ofice.-Town and Country.
Just a Hint: She-Mamma is aw-
fully thoughtful. He-Indeed? She
Yes, indeed Why, for instance, she
would never think of coming into the
parlor when l have a caller without
first coughlng.-Minneapolis Journal.
The Doctors Successor.-"What
profession do you follow?" asked at
torney for plaintiff. "The medical
profession" the witness answered.
Are you a practiclng physician" mo,
sir" ''Then what do you mean by say
ing you follow the medical profess
sionT 81 am an undertaken, SIR
Brooklyn Eagle.
mister Jedge," called out the col
ored witness, after he had been on the
stand a full hour, 'kin say one word,
subj" YES" replied the judge; what
is it?" Hits des dis, sub; eff you'll
des make de lawyers set down en- keep
still two minutes, EN- gimme a livin'
chance, I'll whirl in en- tell de truth
Atlanta Constitution.
Played on the Piano.-Mother ire
turning from a shopping tour)-For
goodness sake! What's the matter
with little Willie? New Nurse-'Tis
n bad boomp he got, ma'am. Ye
know, we told me OF was to let him
play on the PLAINLY, an onct whln he
was slidin' on the top of it, he slid too