New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1904-09-16
HIS BARGAINS


most unprecedented In size and quality.
HIS BARGAINS
He purchased overcoats in June
And straw hats IN September.
He didn't think July too soon
His winter underclothes ne bought
A funny thing,
7, really did seem rather droll
When all with heat were dying tf
To him hustle round for coal
or warm fur mittens buying
His outing, suit to choose.
or 10 attend bargain sale
OF canvas tennis shoes.
A most forehauded man he.
lie loved a bargain dearly;
dollar saved illed him with slee;
BIT never did he quite speeeed
on buying things he did not need
''''s '"'' '''''' " GGchRcasO News.
Geographers tell us that in places the Pacific Is
more than twenty-nine thousand feet deep. In
Mount Everest 29O52 feet high. were placed in the
Pacific Ocean at it's greatest depth the summit OF
the mountain would just about reach the surface OF
the ocean.
Who's that unhappy looking fellow over there?''
That's Scrbblers. He writes for the funny
He doesn't look as though he had any sense OF
Who said he had?" cleveland Plain Dealer.
The horrors OF war have their alleviations. ac-
cordng to The Atlanta Ga) News" While the
battle Of the 9th was raging. an officer Of the %
Georgia discovered two privates Of his regiment
accommodating position held by two Virginia
girls.
why aren't you engaged?" yelled the officer.
.'rhey haven't proposed yet." Uttered the girls
.TH have them court martialled for cowardice,"
said the gallant officer. raising his cap. They
are disgrace 10 Georgia"
Tho 5th two flags IN VVadnaz.
days fight but not until every man was declared
dead by the umpres. The unfortunate regiment
suffered fearfuly from the ungrammatical express
sions OF the attacking party. Shortly after noon
split infinitive knocked the entire fourth company
senseless.
In Tuesdays fighting the 9th Massachusetts.
which is composed OF Irish-Americans, covered
itself with glory. It had recklessly exposed IT.
self 10 a crossire from two batteries and the
umpres had pronounced it dead entirely" A
panied expression darkened the handsome face OF
Colonel O'HOOligan; but only for a moment
Boys" he shouted to his stricken troops '.yez
have died once for America; now once more for
ould 1reland' The umpires were pOwerless 70
save them. Both batteries captured
"A man who is addicted to the tobacco habit"
remarked the moralizer will do anything for
smoke.
travel In a smoking ear."-(Chicaso Daily News.
A cent pound bounty has been paid for grass
hoppers In certain parts Of Utah. ana county
clerk in that State paid out thousand cents upon
a half ton OF the jumping creatures. which were
gathered in the area over which he had 1urisdlc-
ton. Texas could hardly extirpate the boil wee
wills and New-EnRland is not hopeful OF annihi-
lating the gypsy moths by similar methods.
DOUBLE LIVES
AS through this dismal vale Of tears.
You cut your merry caper
Be sure you do not write your life
Upon both sides the paper
For When you come TO hand II In.
Where Peter waits to meet you.
Unless tbs clear and legible
Declined with thanks will greet you.
brooklyn Life.
sort Of curious, isn't IT." remarked Congress-
man Babcock TO Congressman Overstreet. that
we should have Presidential candidates hailing
from places with such queer names Oyster
Bay and Esopus?
ut doesn't matter much where man Is from
as il does where he Is goine,' the sage OBJ
servation OF Overstreet.
Repartee.-"Age before beauty said Fastan, as
he attempted TO enter before the prince.
Grace before meat" al no fl,,