The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1904-05-05

How about referencesT inquired
the mistress. "Oh, loike yer looks,
num-" said the applicant "cn' I won't
ask yer for references"
5obbles- What does this author
mean by saying that the hero had
"well-carved" featuresf Dobbles--
Perhaps he shaved himself.
Il wonder what makes my eyes 50
weak" said an ultra-Radical once to
Mr.. Disraeli. "Why, they are In
weak place." said the latter.
Little Willie--say. pa, how does an
army scour the country Pa-With
brushes, my son. Little WiIlie-With
brushesl Pa--Yes, brushes with the
enemy.
May-Did Clara's husband leave
her much when he diedl Belle He
left enough to make her comfortable,
but not enough to get her a second
husband.--Idfe.
Waiter--Will you try a course din
neri County Gtoom-No. sir; no
coarse dinner for us. Bring US in the
finest one you've got. We don't come
down to the city every day; do we,
Matildal
He-Do you know, dear, was just
upstairs looking at baby, and | be-
lieve she has got your hair. She
(springing up)-Good graciousl !
thought l had put that switch out Of
the child's reachl
ibid you ever see the Dardanelles
while you were In EuropeT NO."
answered Mr.. Cumrox. "You see, we
were SO busy sightseeing that we
didn't have time to call. on any Of our
friends. Washington Star.
First Boy--And because you couldn't
find penny to pay the fare. did the
conductor make you get of the omni-
bus and walki Second Boy-No he
only made me get OF. could have
sat in the road IL wanted to.--Et-
Bits.
"A tall bride Is the best-looklng,
don't you thinkT "Well," replied the
titled Engllshman who had caught on
to little American slang, 80 far as
I am personally concerned, | certainly
am not looking for one who Is short"
Chicago Evening Post.
The army officer looked with dis
pleasure at the solled sheet of paper
that had been handed him. THAT'S a
measly looking document" he ex-
claimed. Eyes. SIR" said the subor-
dinate, touching his hat. 'Tt's the
sick nst."-Chicago Tribune.
Edyth-Yes, you see she told the
count that her fathers partner had
robbed him Of nearly all his wealth,
just to test his love for her. Mayme--
And thenf Edyth-He asked her for
a letter Of introduction to the daughter
Of her fathers partner.-Chicagc
News.
JOHNNY wish my folks would
agree upon one thing and not keep
me all the time in a worry. Tommy
What have they been doing nowi
Johnny-Mother won't let me stand
on my head, and dad is all the time
fussing because wear my shoes oui
so fast.
Mistress (returning from holiday
why, Bridget, whatever has become
of the parrotY Bridget-Well, you see,
mum, after you left It looked bit
pining like and didn't talk much, Sc
the cook and put it out Of its misery,
poor thing, and | had 1t stuffed for
my new 'at.-Judy.
"They say" said Mrs. oldcastle,
that Mr. Faddlethwaite, who used
to belong to our church, has become
an agnostic" els that sof Josiah
used to take his lunch at the sans
place he did down town, and he says
he often warned him that he'd get II
IL he didn't give up eatin' SO fast
Chicago Record Herald.
Hallit-Whats the matter, Klay
You look all tired out2 Klay-And nc
wonder, I've had a hard day of 1t.
don't know when I've worked so hard
looked at the men clean up the rail-
road station this morning, and after
that | saw three safes raised into four
story windows, and four loads Of Goa
delivered in skets.-Boston Tran
script.
They had been married only three
short weeks, and he was actually In
terested In his paper at the dinner
table. Darling" she began in a tone
meant to be reproachful, do you love
me Just as much as you ever didT'
Sure thing" he answered briefly.
She ought to have been satisfied to
let 1t go at that. but she wasn't.
"Whyf" she asked. Don't know,
he replied. "Just fool habit I've got
into, suppose" Then for seventeen
consecutive seconds silence reigned
supreme.-Chicago News.
At the FIRST performance on the new
church organ no one in the audience
was better pleased than the maid EN-
ployed in the organist's family. 80
YOU liked the music, did you, MaryT'
said the organist the next morning,
reports of her enthusiasm having
reached his ears. ''0h, It was just
grand" replied Mary, "the grandesi
III ever heard" what did you like
bestY' asked the organist, moved by
the glowing eulogy. "oh, l don't know
that" said Mary. "But there was one
place where you came down with
both hands and your feet at the same
time; that was about the best. II
sounded like the steam roller coming
down the streetP'