The Birmingham age-herald., 1904-05-08

BY GEORGE RANDOLPH CHESTER.

felt, right off the ticker that he was my 1 Fate-always barring dear Harold. of course l had on about two pounds of ] diamonds that night and If l do say l. myself, l had all the other jewelry dis- l plays on the premises hunting their
 powder rags and primping ID every time
 sailed by. Reggie was all for me, from i the drop of the flag. He told me so hm-
 self. He cornered me up in the conser-
 Vatery and ripped a lot of language out
 of his system that for real poetry would 1 have made old Tennyson and all that 1 bunch paw and gasp for air He started 1 in on my hair and eyes and never over
 looked point. and by the time he had
 me catalogued 1 was naturally a little | Interested After a try out like that l thought he must be all in. but he wasn't. 1 He developed more speed every time he hit the track At last I gave in. l looked
 him up through Dunn and Bradstreet
 and told him he might hope. He went.
 right out and started his own divorce
 proceedings that same day, and I tackled l Will I sat down on his lap that night
 and ruffled his hair.
 Willy dear" said I, T notice that
 you are getting mighty ehummy with Mrs. Ebbits.
 - "Yes," he admitted "she Is very 1 lonely poor woman, and I feel sorry for
 her You know she recently lost her hus-
 band under rather unfortunate circum-
 stances"
 'I heard about it." said l. He went
 broke trying to corner mess pork and
 could not allow her any ailmony. Shes
 a dear woman and I'm glad you like her l gait She thinks you are about the model
 they sculped Adons from. Will ex-
 banded some at that and stroked his l mustache, and so l applied another mas l sage of the ointment "I admire YOU
 myself l went on, but she has me left at the post. Why Will she worships the
 very ground you ownf'
 "To tell the truth she does seem
 to know a good thing without needing 1 label, Will agreed.
 | "f"That's just ti I exclaimed. You
 two seem made for each other and feel l that it's a shame to stand between | pair like you I believe you could be happy with her for lifet'
 "s'I think I could-if she didn't live too long" said Will.
 "''I thought so," I told him. And, Will, knowing this I cannot consent to remain your wife any longer. l am will ing to sacrifice myself to make you hap pier. Just pay the fees and fix up the alimony agreement and II begin divorce proceedings at once.'
 "'"You angel!" cried the dear fellow, and folded me in his arms. So here ! am Wasn't it cute of me?'
 Well, 1t was cute l got her divorce and in very short time was invited to attend the Bangs, Cuthbert-E -Ellerson nuptials. l didn't think much of Reginald l de Peyster Bangs. however. He was too handsome to be useful and as l left the place. I reflected that I might get an- other Job by and by. l was not at all surprised. therefore, when. in about three months, Mrs. -Ellerson- Bangs came breeding In with another | case.
 " Marry in haste and divorce at leis- l ure. said she I want my release from MT Bangs
 "sI didn't think he would suit you for 1 long l commented. There isn't enough l truth in the world to make good all the l agreeable remarks he sheds in the course i of an evening".
 l "'Why Reggie Is perfectly lovely!' she ] declared. T don't think there Is another woman in this town who has been so 1 lucky in getting nothing but ace high l husbands. I'm the envy of the whole set. but I've been so worried lately about not hearing from precious Harold that I can scarcely sleep of nights, and sos when l met Harold's cousin who looks so much like Harold. I made up my mind that Everard Cuthbert- -Cuthbert was the next best thing to my own darling boy. and so I felt It my duty to have him and keep him as much in the family as possi- ble until Harold gets back
 "And MT Bangs I ventured. Is he wiling%
 :" He might be willing explained Mrs. Cuthbert-E -Ellerson- Bangs. but in money matters he is as close as lovers on dark night I'll have to get a strangle hold on Foxey Quiller Bangs to get any thing worth while out of him in the way of alimony, so I'll just sick Nellie Swift onto him. She professional correspond ent you know. and she'll guarantee to furnish me evidence inside a week. She's one of the kind that makes the most careful of men talk in their sleep and know my Reggie. He's not even care full man.
 Reggie was so far from careful that score of reporters lived off of his scandal for weeks, and their divorce was the most recherche function that hac been held In Chicago for months. Mrs. Cuthbert, &c.. gained so much added prestige by it that seven fashionably dresed women were trampled to death as her wedding to MT. Everhard Cuthbert- Cuthbert Before the honeymoon was well over, however, she was back In my office.
 Please take the ax to the silken cord that binds me to this Cuthbert-Cuthbert counterfeit she walled. He's shin- plaster raised to a century William anc I must have had the pip when l took in Il first bad greenbaek that has been handed over the counter to me, and want tc pass him quick"
 "You are not the only one, l said con- solingly. People are as likely to make mistakes In picking out life partner as they are in buying a horse, and whole lot more likely to be gold-bricked. You l ought to do as the rest of the world 1 does. outside of Chicago When man gets buncoed with a pneumatic front and a handmade complexion he comes down 1 to breakfast and kicks the dog, regular ly. When the ordinary woman runs up against game like that she taxes 'o hysterics and matnees.
 "aaWith me it is not the same, she stated. There is law in this state Tor weak defenceless women.
 "Indeed there isr I agreed When any weak. defenceless woman of your face and figure and gown.ng appears be- fore A jury of twelve healthy men, they chloroform justice and trot out any klno of law she wants. But what is the matter with your atest?' ,. .There,s so much I'll have to tell It in letter. she said. but worst oi all he's so jealous that he cont like 10 see me smile at his own reflection Tn the mirror Why only the other day ne went into a regular tantrum because l hisse" ,,,v second husband. MT. Ellerson, good- bye. when he was starting TOT Eu,ope And he my own relative by marriaseI I,st oct me a hurry-up divorce, and thin,. that will be the last one. My uarola ought to be l.cme in less than year. now at any rate.
 Nevertheless l appreciated her reason for marrying Mir. Holmes. .r ,,,os i,,st comnelled to marry nm