The Starkville news. (Starkville, Miss.) 1902-1960, 1904-04-15

what they'd say, when tley found out
it was all a fool joke.
wrote the letter to her and it read
thusly:
MY Respected and Adored Madam For
a long, long time have wors hlped you afar
off and my beating heart has near4y leaped
out Of my bosom whenever you have passed
by! L 4. how / love you. would gladly lay
myself anG my fortune-titteen hundred
thousand dollars of it-at your feet, Ii YOU
,hink kindly of such devotion, meet me at
he big elm in Robnson's park, Tuesday
evening AT eight O'Clock. " ear i red rose
in your bosom. Your devoted admirer.
We gave Mulligan's boy, Tim, three
marbles and a big chew OF spruce gum to
carry it over to Miss Virgins house and
tuck it under the door.
Maud and | together composed the
letter to Uncle Jed.
We wrote it on pink stationery. and
scented it with vanilla essence out OF one
of mas cooking bottles:
Highly Respected and Honored Sir:
Pardon IL humble and adorng female who
for many years has adored you, but must
sneak or die, | am young and contiGng,
and Lave gold uncoCnted at my command.
II shall be all yours if only YOU Will take
me to your bosom and love and cherish me.
If you think favorably OF the idea, please
meet me in Robinson's park by the great
elm. on Tuesday evening at eight o clock.
will wear "a red rose in my bodice. The
-electrics Will give light enough Tor YOU 10
see. Devotedly your own, W.
p. S-I incIose d lock OF my hair
We didn't know Miss Virgins given
name and so far as we knew she and
Uncle Jed had never set eyes on each
other. But we didn't know it all, as we
found out afterward.
We cut off one OF old Towser's crink-
~ yellow curls and put it in the letter,
after Maud had sprinkled it with Berea-
mot hair oil.
dropped the letter into the post office
and next morning. when | went for the
mail, | brought it to Uncle Jed.
Who in nater's writin' to me on that
are pink envelope?" says he, putting on
| his specks and squirting at the letter.
Coll darn it! It's some Of them pesky
horspittle women that want donation,
| or else it's one of them club females that
wants me to vote for some old petticoat-
! ed man for the legislator. Or mebbe
! it's from some of them drafted hair re-
| storer concerns that want me to try their
stuff for bald heads. I'm good mind
| to put it right into the fire.
But he didn't He put it into his pocket
instead, and went off out to the wood
shed to read it alone.
Maud and |. we skinned out after him.
and crept up the stairs to the loft over
the shed, where the cracks is big ana you
can look right down and see everything
that is going on.
"Gracious." says Uncle Jed. as he sat
down on the saw horse, rugged his specks
firmly on his nose, and broke the seal
as if he expected the inside of the let
ter was full of dynamite, who can be
writing me a letter on such finifed pa
per? A motto at the top. too. TWO
hearts stuck through with one arrer!
Highly respected and honored sir
Gee whillikins! If that don't beat the
Dutch. Pardon a humble and adoring
female'-wall, wall, I'll be jiggered!'
Here Uncle Jed got down to business
and read the letter through.
"A woman! and she wants me to take
her into my bosom. and meet her in Rob
iuson's park. Wall, wall, Jehosephat
Jinks. | didn't suppose there was any
woman that thought of me that way.
Young and confiding. and gold uncount-
ed, Ell? Zounds, why don't she count
it? Will | meet her? Well, | ruther
guess. Can't think who she is, unless
yes. I'll bet cent that it's that rich city
boarder over to the Merrill house! I've
seen her lookin' at me when | drive up
with a load of cabbages. And she took
my picter with one of them blarsted
crowdacks, too. Jenkins said so. Said
she wanted it for specimen. Lordy!
never thought she was in love with me.
Wall. I'm about tired of livin' with old
Higgins, and being at his beck and call
day in and day out. Yes am. Gold un-
counted, hey? I'll have place of my
own, and hoss to drive, and dog that
the wag of his tail shall be mine! Yes,
sir, I'm ruther stylish looking man, OF
my age, and when I'm dressed up can
hold my own with the best of 'em."
"Oh, goodness" says Maud, cramming
her handkerchief into her mouth, "hold
me- Sam, or shall explode!"
"Sh!" says I, well lose some Of it ii
we give way to our emotions"
"Yes," went on Uncle Jed, '1'1l meet
her, and I'll do up that bosom business to
her satisfaction. Gracious! It's long
spell since hugged woman! I've most
forgot how it's done, but guess I'll get
used to it with little practice. I'll take
double dose of Stickney's Tonic Bit
ters to brace me up"
Gee whizz!" says I to Maud, who'd
ever have thought that Uncle Jed would