The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1904-09-04

to my beauty and winning wa VS. BENG
the only genuine man ever captured alive
am necessarily the hotel pet Even you,
editor dear. would be fondled wcreEyou
here. For the heart Of woman Is a. 81
igantic yearning apparatus and Ri the
tyearning Is always for something she
can't get or something she oughtn't
have. X sE s al \ XXI ,ssf
For my part. undo ordinary circum-
stances, L should like is be yearned for
but here L am like Sir Isaac Newton and
the sea shells. BY the time Il find one
good hing, up pops 8anot Their. and SC; lit
goes. til # my mind Is s d a z1leds3 obfus-
Gated and Hstupefieds by: a vas t ton
of talrpin experts, who II epresentb the
consolidation Of female seminary. a
mothers congress and a spinster,s con
;Yentlon. Women are dear, sweet things
when ia ken one at Al time sbrt t purall ~
or them ir as ppressivel y a5ex hausting
as IA watermelon carried under eat CHI arm
hen. too, II a tideous confession must
be mad e. there are SAD. IA hear TRACKING
moments when j yea IN for freedom that
species Of easy going, 8 wick ed. shirt-sleeye
liberty which Is only enj oyed s. in stag
party ociety. when bold 1T bad men get
which make the women ut q distance Sc,
Scretlys wish they were men and almost
perish with curiosity. W.
n Yes, editor dear, Il have reached that
ignominious1 y ngallant stat when I long
for a nan--some coarse. nnrefined crea-
sture who wears three days iskers on
his face speWs tobacco juice, cusses and
perspires 3und err reasona bl e Y provocation.5
They have driven me 10 THE csc angels
Sof Hen Heaven. Sst5 9sEE
ErstI = loved ali that was feminine and
even used Talcum pc ND ers q ftera shaw ti
Ing, but now. alas, there are times when
your little Dlckey bird beats his pinionss
;agals the bars OF his gilded cage a nd
5lungers for a fellow captive. N
eventidc. Just before he man IN
the moon comes out to grin al my SUPP
iposedly enviable ca ptivity. ] = ke# a. per-
.sonally conducted pal tyS OF old ladies-the
mothers congress s rt--down TO the min
eral spring. y here al hands, & q r. tner
mouths, engage In y a huge drinking bee.
One always gorges on mineral 3sWater at
a summer resort. I rs a. sort Of free lunch
process. But the man has to 81 do Ii the
dipping -l m the last week Is have dipped /
water In the cleaning until ! feel. Ike
a fisher nd the prevailing thirst
continues una ted. iii 8s95 e 3j &
KS And, by the way, old s la dies possibly
owing to their aquatic propensi ties. Ia re OIL
all their sex the most expert bumpers;
Those at Hen Heaven-and It Is the same
elsewhere-brist wi tn scuriosi and they
have come to regard me as a huge lemon
full OF juicy Information and succulcnt
gossip. y 535s s,6Ss
Quite confidentially,Slet me say, have
been squeezed concerning eighteen grass
widows and 8asHmanyBunmarrfed ladies' Of
age. And VIII Is a. llollo mock
cry. IL is--th his thing OF my being pumped
about grass widows and 5 OF her 4 srry
the Com ander-in Chief sticking right
under my elbow almost every minute.
Grass wi lowing. Of all the. games On.
earth, IS the one most assured ~ men do
not pl lay in the presence OF their wives:
ss "a thousand times, too. the haWk-eyed
Fdowagers have asked me thai one |, burn
inei question, which y echoed by every
wind at the summer resorts How does
.So-and-So stand at nome 2 The &inquisi-
'tion along this line lis never-ending
" II We could not enj Joy this social sleuth-
Ing at the springs. the life would be as
empty and as hollow a s a. d ried go,!rd.}
there ID an element OF excite
little stouch5of fear last our own genealog-
iical fraud be discovered. and the fact
that era ndpa. was a hod-carrier be pub
lished abroad on the yerand abs or brulted
In the hotel lobby VI II
q Unfortunately,al all weak mortals, porn
of woman, on going 70 the summer s. re-.
sorts, forthwith get uppish in the matter
OF their ancestry, and imagin II ems
selves, some pulmpkins.,'', Ed itor. dear.
!inNthls connection, let me whisper some-
thing into your earl have Srllysel become
Ia DauEhterFof the Revolution and a. Colo-
NAL Dame II since I've been Robinson
iCr,lsoeingSit here. had to do ~ ana y !
doesn't hurt anybody Say twhat you, may
about making your converea lon one Ions,
afidayltT fraudulen I an,
icestors are the most inno ons 4 o. all
swindles. i n they come cheap and ROB \ no
body, even II they do smell earthy
I'll must not be understood /, no YER;
thai I'm Il opposed to old ladies and heir
Ways quite the contrary. They are SO
f,unal, and nderstand the faults OF y e'rs
less venerable sisters 60 Wen th v one
zine landmarks every time In reference
to n baby-daft young mott ers who ca 2
talk, think and dream Of nothing save say
their slobbaring fly-drawing offsprin 81
have ajoled 4put ty- faced Infants: vince
died fla bby ctetubs of uncon oi!ap!e SAL
vary glands and by-byed preco cloua prssl,
dental possibil ties until have e developse
into n Kind 81 hybrid. g born Of "a neram-
3bmlator. sired by a sugar rag and nur-
stured by a safety pin. rs awffull, Gator
dear to be ON cial court Jester at q KIN
,derRarter1 especially when ones Vhcai.on
nontenplates Keedom from Just ~
sort Of blacksmlthi!ng.. .
SIS when Z am not dipping mineral water
at eyentide in. being d!y1d ed up Peaace
meal TOR he nocturnal wa tzes. am
32wobblins U over the greensward Will my
trlstV a oquet ,mallat In hand IL or a rlly
engaging in finch and those. m arsh mely
low contests known as progressive
I euchre. Il The prizes have won are
beautiful AN exquisite burnt wood toathy
pick holder 49, presde china, clock for