davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1904-12-15
The Preachers Error.

In the early days of Springfield a
preacher bought some sausage for
lunch one Sunday and took it to church
with him. He carried the sausage in
the back pocket of his coat, and dog,
catching the scent, followed him. Ev-
cry few feet the preacher would kick
backward at the dog without looking
around. Arriving at church, the preach
er began the services. and the dog lay
down behind the altar.
A few minutes later one Of the dea-
cons stole quietly up behind the preach
er. intending to hand him sheet of
paper, and pulled his coat tail. With
out glancing back the preacher gave
one vicious kick and sent the deacon
rolling down the altar steps on to the
dog, which set up a terrible bowling.
The preacher, still looking straight
ahead, said:
my friends, this thieving scoundrel
has been trying to rob me ever since l
made a purchase at the butcher shop
before coming here"
When the preacher discovered what
he had done he dismissed the congre-
CATION and went outside to kick the
dog.-Sedalia (Mol Democrat.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1904-12-15
Poor browning.

Browning. sitting down daily after
breakfast to write so many lines, be-
lieving that he was bound to do so and
it was worth doing! That is p1tiful
spectacle What grotesque illusion
duty can become! Browning is prop
er target for criticism, for the wicked
est criticism. He was not writing for
q livelihood. Think Of it! He had an
Independent income, and yet he wrote,
wrote, wrote-what? "Sordello," III
fine at the Fair" prince Hohenstiel-
Schwangau." And he hypnotized por-
ton of the British public into the idea
that there was something in it until in
despair they formed society with ap-
paratus for cracking these nuts-to
find them all empty.-John Davidson
In Author.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1904-12-15
One way to Encourage Peace.

The conclusion has long since been
reached by the great neutral powers
that the war in the east should end
speedily. For diplomatic reasons, which
need not be reviewed here, the neutral
nations that seem at first glance to be
In a position to propose a cessation of
hostilities to the belligerents withhold
their good Offices, and since both Rus
STA and China are stubborn the war
will doubtless continue. Ii the plan
for keeping the general peace which
Mr.. Carnegie proposes were now In
operation it would be somebody's bust
ness to call a halt. Carnegie suggests
that two or three strong powers be con-
tinually on duty as peacemakers. In
reference would then be obligatory if
one or both parties to quarrel proved
refractory. In default of peacemak-
ing alliance resort in a crisis like the
present might be made to the worlds
fnanciers Money is a prime necessity
In war. Everything depends upon the
army treasure chest. Russia and ia
pan are placing new loans, and money
kings of London, Berlin and Paris, the
capitals of the three neutral nations
which profess to be anxious that the
war come to an end, are putting up
millions upon millions to enable the
belligerents to fight it out. Bankers
are not given to sentiment, but they
lay claim to conservatism and good
sense. Perhaps those rulers and diplo-
mats whose hands are tied in the mat
ter of Intervention are not so handi-
capped when 1t comes to impressing
capitalists with the righteousness of
any cause they have at heart.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1904-12-15
Right Living and Good Looks.

Today our great cities show proper
tionately higher average of dress and
general striving after personal attrac-
tiveness among both men and women
than the great cities of any other coun-
try.
Success depends in the largest meas
ure upon health and the personal i'm
preston one makes upon his fellow
men, and properly to develop and to
maintain the points" that make for
personal attractiveness is to develop
and maintain health.
For example, how many men and
women stop drinking and overeat-
ing because fat is fatal to good looks?
The struggle to keep looking young is
a struggle to keep in perfect health.
And what a blessing that is to the
present and all future generations!
The price Of good looks is right liv-
ing, and the reward of right living is
health.-Saturday Evening Post.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1904-12-15
GiIdinr without Gold.

One more proof that all is not gold
that glitters is found in the fact that
much of the gold lettering seen on
signs, and also much CT the gliding Of
picture frames, has no gold whatever
about it. Among laymen the opinion
prevails that all such decoration re-
quires the actual use of gold leaf, but
the reality is different, and substitute
that defies detection has been widely
used for some time. The exact effect
of gold is secureda by using leaf Of
either silver or aluminium under yell
low paint. The metal backing gives
the required luster, and the paint gives
the required color. This method can
not be used in ali cases, because the
paint is of peculiar quality and re-
quires putting on with an even thick
ness. For this reason it is generally
applicable only to fiat surfaces. Parts
of gilded picture frame which are
nodded into waving surfaces generally
require genuine golf leaf to cover them.
Philadelphia Record.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1904-12-15
When Animals Go had.

An animal trainer says that mo man
living knows all about animals or
more than a very little about them.
Some who are dead thought they
knew. That is the reason they are
dead. Only those who realize their
ignorance and supplement it with I'M
firing watchfulness last long at this
queer business that I'm in.
Sooner or later most animals of the
cat kind become utterly intractable
and remain so. Going bad is the
professional term for this. Rarely do
they return to their old amenable
ways. Henceforth they are of no use
as performers and are RELOCATED to the
exhibition cages, for any man entering
the cage of a lion or tiger that has
gone bad is instantly attacked. This
is one of the terrors Of the trade.
Symptoms Of the change of heart are
apparent enough sometimes, particu-
larly in animals which are growing old.
Occasionally, however, some young
beast, formerly as obedient as you
could wish, will turn murderous with
out cause or warning. If her trainer
gets out alive he is lucky. If he ever
enters her cage again he's fool. p
McClure'S.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1904-12-15
An Ingenious Printer.

It requires a great deal of ingenuity
to become a successful printer. Boys
with printing presses and ambitious to
develop into great printers should re-
member this and exercise their inven-
tive qualities at every opportunity.
A story is told of Prague printer
who got himself out of very disagree
able dilemma by the use of his ingen-
ious mind. He was once called upon to
print a report Of the board Of trade OF
his native city in the two languages OF
the country, German and Czech. and
the representatives Of each national
ity strenuously desired that their
tongue should occupy the first Of the
parallel columns on each page. The
wary printer got out of his dilemma
by printing one column upside down
throughout the book and arranging the
titles accordingly, so that each Ian
guage had front column on every
mage
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1904-12-15
A Dangerous Cargo.

Lime is one of the most dangerous Of
cargoes for a vessel to carry. When
1t catches fire, as it frequently does, in
spite of the greatest precautions
against the admission Of water into
the hold, it is almost impossible to ex-
tinguish it. The only method that eE-
er avails is to stop every crack with
soap, SO that no air can reach the lime
Sometimes this will stop the fire, but
often these fires will burn for weeks,
till. the vessel sinks beneath the water,
a mass of charred embers holding to-
gether. When a vessel with cargo of
lime once catches fire it is sure death
to go below Not long ago schooner
with a cargo of this commodity caught
fire and was sealed up as tightly as
possible. The crew was composed of
the captain and his two sons. One day
the latter went to sleep on the deck,
and their father imprudently entered
his cabin, shutting the door behind
him. When they awakened and found
their father missing they, supposing
that he had fallen overheard, sailed the
ship for home, quite unconscious that
they were bearing the body of their
father with them.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1904-12-15
A RaIed Hay Diet.

A Brooklyn man eats grass. 1t has
cured him of Indigestion, he says, and,
strange to say, has not given him hay
fever. Later he will probably move
into a barn and make grass his stable
food Eebuchadnezzar is said to have
eaten grass like an OK, but he did it
not because of trouble in his digestive
apparatus, but on account of disorder
In his think works.
The Brooklyn man has not yet begun
to chew his cud, but says he feels like
another being. He does not intimate
whether this new being he says he
feels like is of the horse or goat per
suasion Possibly it is neither, as the
father of the mule is also grass eat
ing animal. Seriously, however, we
recommend this diet to other dyspep-
tics. For one reason, the man who
chews hay would have no time to chew
the rag. Besides, it would be cheaper.
There is nothing like getting close to
the soil, and if grazing will not bring
one there we know of nothing that
win. Under this sort of bill of fare
ones stomach would doubtless grow
SO strong and husky that he would de
velop an appetite for tin cans, like the
billy goat 1t would also give him a
feeling of sympathy and comradeship
for the creatures Of the fields until he
could say with the small boy, eff /
had to be cow an couldn't be boss,
wot want to be, I'd be an OK"
Eating hay should give one taste
for grass widows. Somebody ought to
recommend this diet to John D. Rookie
Teller and Russell Sage-to Rockefeller
because he has a bad stomach and to
Sage because it Is cheap. There are
many ways in which the food could be
served For breakfast let it be chop
ped fine and served with bran and salt.
The midday meal should be made to
consist of timothy and clover. In the
evening there might be a feed Of al
falfa. Between times one could prance
out upon the hills and nibble blue
grass, This would be great food for
an army, as there would be no trouble
in living off the country. AT any rate,
q grass menu should furnish food for
good horse sense, whether Or not there
is any evidence of it in the theory.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1904-12-15
writing and Dictation.

The modern method of letter writing
composition through the agency of the
stenographer is having a peculiar eff
feet upon the popular use of the Ian
guage. 1t must be evident to even the
noncritical observer that carelessness
and diffuseness Of expression have be-
come a feature and fault Of CORE
spondence, from the reproach Of which
It was quite free in the earlier days,
when pen and ink were directly en-
ployed by the individual to the end Of
giving form and conference to his idea.
Probably when dictation under the
present system becomes more of a fix
ed habit and institution the human
mind will become so accustomed to it
that it will operate more rapidly and
as accurately with such assistance as
under the old plan in which the writer
only dictated to himself. Yet to him
with whom pen and ink have always
been potent solvents of thought the
change involved in dictation must
bring with it a serious embarrassment
In the matter of adequately denoting
ones thoughts.-Philadelp Ledger.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1904-12-15
A Sarcastic Definition.

George Reno, an American newSpaN
per man who went to Havana and OBJ
tanned work on a daily paper there,
did not get on we'll with the managing
editor, a former Chicago physician.
They disliked each other extremely,
and the editor took particular pleasure
In mangling Reno's copy beyond all
recognition. One night Reno protest
ed at some blue penciling that was
done. 81 recognize your right to edit
my stuff, DOCTOR" said he, 'but must
beg you to do so in such manner that
you will not split all of the infinitives.
In this instance you have made my
copy over into bundle Of phraseolog-
ical kindffng wood" In reply, from the
erudite managing editor: you seem to
be worrying yourself over a mere
trife, Mr.. Reno. What is a split infini-
tive anyway" ga split infnitive,"
replied Reno after q moment of
thought, "is an attachment used on
farms. 1t is small implement that
we fasten to the nose of calf when
we wish to wean it from it's mother"
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1904-12-15
Protect the Rack.

People are more likely to catch cold
in the back than they are generally
aware Of, and if neglected it may prove
serious matter. The back, especially
between the shoulders. should always
be kept well covered, and never lean
with your back against anything that
is cold. Never sit with the back in a
direct draft, and when warming it by
the fire do not continue to keep the
back exposed to the heat after it has
become comfortably warm. To do so
is debilitating.-Jou Of Health.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1904-12-15
Carlyle.s Courteous side.

In the "Retrospects" of Professor
William Knight Of the University Of
st. Andrews are some interesting anec-
dotes. Among these is bit from let
ter by DR.. Maclagan, who attended
Thomas Carlyle during Carlyle's last
years: "My personal experience Of Car
lyle was this: He was the most courte-
GUS man l ever met. Never once did
that old man fail to rise up to receive
me nor allow me to leave his room
without walking to the door with me
while he had strength to do so. After
death all the ruggedness and the wrin-
kles disappeared from his face But
for the beard it was like that Of wo-
man, so delicate and beautifully mold
ed it was"
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1904-12-15
How Eggs Are Hatched In China.

A curious method of Matching eggs
has been adopted in China. The eggs
are placed in tiers in large basket
twice the size of an ordinary barrel,
which is thickly lined with hay and
carefully closed from the air by tight
fitting cover of twisted straw. In three
days time the eggs are taken out and
replaced in a different order, those at
the surface being put in the lower tier
This is repeated every third day for
fortnight when the eggs are removed
from the basket and placed on shelf
in another room, being carefully Gov
cred with bran. In a day or two the
chickens chip the shells and make their
appearance in the world. The success
of this method is attributed to the fact
that the animal heat of the egg, being
retained by the basket, which is form
ed of material not conducting caloric,
is sufficient to support animal life and
develop it,
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1904-12-15
Indy TennYHOn.

Shortly after Lady Tennyson's mar,
riage one of her women friends wrote
the following: 1--WE would find Mrs.
Tennyson alone in the large drawing
ROOM always writing, arrayed in a
dress of soft gray merino trimmed
with velvet or fur and with long
train, piece of rich old lace, worn in
stead of a cap, dropping over her hair
behind and coming to a point in front.
She was extremely kind in lending us
books. Among these particularly re-
member Fichte's philosophical works
which she admired greatly. Her man
ner was always most gracious and dig
nified, perhaps rather languid, but this
arose chiefly from lack of vitality or
physical strength"
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1904-12-15
Trnnslntea Inte vernncnln

"Cap'n" lothian Slow had stro
jections to what he called 18th,
minister's high talk. Since b.
Element over the Clamtown
Cap'n lothian had been heard
that church was for them that
it." and his conduct seemed to
that he was not of that number.
Cap'n Jotham's own language
q primitive and unadorned variety
nothing pleased him more til
chance to translate the minister
marks to Cap'n Wilson Pegg, the
Clamtown story teller. Car'n
was deaf, and the minister's yoic
ten failed to reach him.
One night at a neighborhood ga
ing Cap'n Pegg in the course of V
narrative had referred to 1.-THE big {
"Was it the consensus of opini
said the minister in a mild and
fectual tone, that the conflagra
was the result of some accident or
work of an incendiary
"Hey?" said Cap'n Pegg, sta
duly at the minister and then turl
to his faithful friend for light.
what he wants to know" ca
Cap'n Slow in his shrillest tone,
whether the big fire was sot or Ike
edw-Youth's Companion.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1904-12-15
The Lines ON sardine Boxes.

If you are fond of sardines, here
something that will be useful for 70
to know. On nearly every box con
tanning these delicacies will be foun
two parallel lines cut in the top. Th
distance between the lines denotes th
size of the fish, whether those in the
tin are small, medium or large.
course the smaller the sardines tn
better is their flavor, and therefore til
boxes with the lines close together con
tain the finest 6sh. Some dishonest
firms are very fond of selling pilchards
to their customers and calling then
sardines, but if you make UP your mind
never to buy a box unless it has t.
two closely drawn lines you may be
certain OF obtaining the article you
asked for.-London Standard.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1904-12-15
A New Kind of Potato.

It seems that Uruguay can raise
something besides revolutions. The
United States consul at Rouen, France,
reports some interesting experiments
on q new kind Of potato discovered on
the banks of the river Mercedes, Uru-
quay, that in it's wild state is very bit
ter, but that has been made sweet and
eatable by cultivation. Moreover, it
seems to be much more hardy tIan the
Irish potato. Both the tuber and the
foliage of the Uruguay potato are eat
en- by horses, cattle and sheep.
The leaves are small and slender,
somewhat like those of the Irish pota-
to, and the flowers are abundant, of a
pale violet color and very odorous, the
perfume resembling that of jasmine.
New stems and tubercles branch off In
every direction all the year, and after
one planting the plant perpetuates it.
self from the broken roots left in the
soil,
The vegetable proper-that is, the
tubercle-weighs from one to two and
a half pounds and has a yellowish,
wr1nkled skin. The pulp when cooked
has a slightly greenish color. or TWEEN
ty-fve taken by hazard and cooked
with their skins on in 1901 all were
very bitter, but of twenty-five thus TAX
en- in 1903 only eight were very bitter,
seven bitter, five eatable, three good
and two farinaceous. BY peeling the
number of bitter and very bitter ones
were diminished by 10 to 20 per cent,
while the number of good and eatable
ones were increased accordingly.
1t is believed that by continuous cul-
tivation the bitter taste may be entire
ly eliminated If so, the new discov-
cry will become at once commercially
valuable.
Uruguay may revolute. She could
not well occupy part OF the South
American continent and escape that
noisy habit. But the world will for
give her provided this potato pans out.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1904-12-15
HOW tn Walk.

There is no virtue in a dawdling
saunter. The slow and languid drag
cling one foot after the other, which
some people call walking, would tire
an athlete. 1t utterly exhausts a weak
person, and that is the reason why
many delicate persons think they can
not walk. To derive any benefit from
the exercise it is necessary to walk
with a light, elastic step, which swings
the weight of the body so easily from
one leg to the other that its weight IS
not felt and which produces a healthy
glow, showing that the sluggish blood
is stirred to action in the most remote
veins.-Family Doctor.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1904-12-15
breeding insects For WINK.

Among the queer industries Of Chi
is that of breeding wax producing /
sects in the Chieuchang valley durir
May. But the insects will not W.
in their birthplace and have to be ca
ried 400 miles in gourds by porter
travelling Only by night. There NJ
thousands o insects in the gourds ant
wrapped in leaves picked from tn,
wood oil tree. His journey ended, the
porter Immediately goes to his master
and delivers his burden of gourds. Al
once the leafy bags are tied to the
branches of the ash trees, which ere
only five or six feet high. By Sept.
the trees look as if covered with snow
It is a snow, however, not amenable t,
the temperatures which wipe out ordi
nary snow. The branches are then Gu
off, and their quarter of an inch Of
pure white coating is scraped off. TIL.
wax is heated, strained and turned
into molds to be used for lighting, fur
niture polish and imparting gloss t
silk.-St. James Gazette.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1904-12-15

The journalist alone has the privilege
of molding the opinion, touching the
hearts and appealing to the reason OF
hundreds of thousands every day. The
soldier may wait forty years for his
opportunity, most lawyers, most ply
sicians, most clergymen, die in obscur-
ity, but every single day opens new
doors for the journalist who holds the
confidence of the community and has
the capacity to address it.-Joseph Pu-
liter
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1904-12-15

The prompt acceptance by Austria Of
President Roosevelt's suggestion that
a second Hague conference be called
augurs we'll for the new peace move
ment While Austria is the first coun-
try which responded officially to the
presidents invitation, it is known that
most Of the other Europeans look upon
the suggestion with favor. In order to
secure the participation in the confer
ence of Russia and Japan it will of
course be necessary to arrange the pro-
gramme of matters to be discussed
with great care. The first Hague con-
ference had it's successes, notably the
reference of the Anglo-German-Vene-
zuelan dispute to arbitration. II the
second should hasten the end Of the
war in the east, the permanence of the
international tribunal would be as
sured.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1904-12-15
Chicago Culture.

1t appears that not long ago was held
competitive examination for Sec
ond class clerkship in the Chicago Pub
lie library. Fifty-two men and women
took the examination, and some of the
replies are delightfully."- interesting
these for example:
"Who is the author of Quo Vadis z
was one of the questions asked.
Lillian Russle," wrote one of the
applicants.
Mention one person in astronomy
who became famous, and state in what
century and country he lived was an
other question.
christopher Columbus discovered
America in 1892. He was Russian, =
was one answer.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1904-12-15
The Poor Artists Powder.

It is related of the late Mr.. Whistler
that he went one day with an artist In
Paris who was not overburdened with
this worlds goods and was surprised
at the sumptuous lunch provided. On
asking him how he managed to live so
we'll his host replied: Il have a pet
monkey, which l let down from my
window by rope into that OF my
landlady and trust to Providence.
Sometimes Jacko returns with loaf,
sometimes with ham. His visits are
full of. surprises-one never knows
what may r."-Leslie's Weekly.