The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-02-21
The Pathetic Love Affair
of a Human Lantern
Compiled from the Almost Neracious
Memoirs OF Oliver Thumm
By George Randolph Chester


waving his hands up in front Of his Shout
der blades and then rubbing them warmly
together. Two such attractions in Won
veeg will mage feefty per cendt better peez-
ness!' All this to himself. for. OF
course, he did not want TO raise Cooneys
salary ideas too high at first. But now
he turned to Cooney. Come mid me- said
he. 81 wand to introduce you TO mine sdar
ATTRACTION
He led the way TO the dressing room.
where a wonderful vision of loneliness In
knee skirts adjusting enormous
bushy blond wig.
Miss O'Healey," announced the man
ager, this is Professor CooniOso de Ches-
sap. the marfelous Human Landern and
Living Mine of Radium. Mr.. Chessap,
this ISIS the Coundess Bridgetto de Healio,
the Peaudivul Cirgassian Salamander Laty.
Be agGuaindedi'
The beautiful Circasian SaIamander lady
shot Cooney glance from her deep hazel
iStence of poor Libby Classy, then and
there. She shook hands with him and a
thrill shot up his arm and ran tingling out
at the toes of his shoes!
II was fate. What more need be said?
They were made for each other. At the
first performance Cooney was able to bare
his breast and show her that his heart beat
for her alone. And she? Well, she was
proud to know that she. of all the world.
tongues of flame could rest in his embrace
without scorchng. Radium had no terrors
for the beautiful Circassian Salamander
lady, and so there was no bar TO the union
of these two great money makers. They
got $500 extra from the astute manager for
being married twenty-one times in public
during their wedding week, and thus firmly
joined they lived happily ever after, radi-
um-proofed as they were against old age
and disease.
And so love and Joy and peace came to
Cooney at last Two dear little radium-
proof children, boy and girl, now play
around their knees. The boy is named As
bestos and the girl is called Phoenix. Let
us draw the curtain upon their happiness
AS the programme did not seem TO work
out quite right, Cooney's hands shifted
themselves to all the places about his
clothes that they could think of and then
he went home. The next afternoon he went
down past the house again. Libby was on
the front porch and when he came back up
she was at the gate. looking the other way
stopping @ and Coming back 1T w was Uncle
Eph's patent alarm watch he added.
Libby giggled.
''an' We kin hear it go off in little bit now.
My innards keeps it woun' up an it wakes
me every afternoon an mornin.
'"Te-he-he-he-hei Geei" said Libby.
"Uh-huh! Uncle Eph says it'd ort Z las
me a lifetime. Uncle Eph he says l.
There ii goes now! Hear it?'
There was a sharp buzzing from his in
terror and a gratified smile spread over
Cooney's face as Libby listened in amaze
Come on up clost," urged Cooney. "Ys
kin hear it tick, too
But Libby just giggled and ran back
to the house, so he went home again. The
next day was Sunday, and Cooney went to
Libby's Sunday-school. Libby and Bess
Daggett started out for walk afterward.
low, but they giggled so much that he was
afraid. He came to 'metin " that night.
though and stood among the flock OF boys
outside that sorted out the emerging flock
of girls Libby, with the corner OF her eye.
saw him edging up.
kin / see we home Z night?' he asked.
as they brushed elbows.
''Te-he-he-he-he Uh-huh!' replied Lib
by, so they marched of together. Libby
was a proud one that night There wasn't
another fellow in the town who furnished
his own light. Cooney made the path as
bright as day, and she could see every
mud puddle In the road as they walked
past the mill. She knew. too. that all the
folks could see them far as the eye
could reach. AS for Cooney, he never had
been so bright in all his life He just
glowed and glowed like the prospectus OF
a wildcat mine. Squire Classy looked after
them and chuckled-
They hain't no harm in him" he said TO
his wife.
After that it was a regular thing for
Cooney 70 bring Libby home from church.
but by and by that light rather got 20 lie
a nuisance. especially along about the time
that COoney began 10 get mushy ana 10
grow holder. One night the climax came.
Gimme a kiss. Libby he demanded.
Te-he-he-he-he! L dom want to-" said
Libby.
his vest. "Jes see here how my hearts
a-thumpin' an a-rearin' an well nigh
a-bustin' fer ye." Libby looked straight
into his heart and read the truth. IL was
fairly turning somersaults, but still she was
obdurate.
.Cunnin' ham Jessap," she warned. as hs
put his hand on her waist, take yore
hands off'n mei'
Il won't" retorted Cooney. growing des-
perate. I'm a-gOin' 10 have a kiss firsti'
And he grabbed for her.
Libby jumped away from him with a lit
tie scream.
Don't you dare. Cooneyi' she cried.
"Jes you remember that folks kin see
every Twin thing you do,,'
Cooney dropped his hands 10 his sides.
''Drat that there radium!" he grOaned.
That was the first blow. Libby rather
lost her spirits from then on, and Cooney
got savage. They kept on coming home
from meeting together. but they didn't talk
old days. She complained some. tOo that
the light hurt her eyes, and expressed her
doubts whether such a shining man as he
would be so handy 10 have around the
house after all. Remarks like that hurt
Cooney a lot. but he only kept still, and.
Cooney's watch began 20 sound like ire
alarm, she would repent. But the world
was such a broad. open place, Not cor
ner nor an Out-Of-the-way spot IN IL any
where. and earth and sky seemed fairly
plastered with human eyesi Young folks.
though. are bound 10 find a way. one aft
ernoOn Cooney caught her In the orchard
declared.
re he-he-he-hei Don't you dare.' she
giggled.