davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1904-09-07

Look at the beautiful mattings that you can
find at L. w. Whites.
II you want the "very best" candy get
Huylers At Speeds. -.A
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1904-12-04
Wise or Otherwise
By E. 9. Holden

y good many good men sone wrong have wronged a good many good men VINO
kept right -
Some sober men are kinder drunk. and son drunken men are kinder sober
The moncy-maker who worshIIs tn. god he makes is merely the maker Of the
god he worhps:
The only thing which makes progress while facing both ways is a ship when it
is being launched.
The nan who arrives" even with both feet. and knows the road he took to
get there, probably can't tell YOU the road for YOU to take.
Even a so-cancd white" lie is like a child with African blood, nevere entirely
white and is likely to grow darker as it grows older
The flour for the bread Of life IS never packed III gunbaTclS.
All ingrats are rot cowardly: but all towards are ugratcful.
Even the light that shItth morc and more unto the perfect dv" must he
kept filed and trimmed.
Ones life is like a letter: No matter how well composed or elegant. it is futile
if lot directed right or eve not directed at all.
Gospel means good news" Therefore to talk of the gospel of despair" or
the gospel of hate" or the gospel of greed is either irony or nonsense.
y good maj may nOt have good manners
The level ofc consistency is often OF the consistency of paste.
1t is easier o like where m does not love than o love where N does not like
The strength of a hcaisuong man is seldom in his head.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1904-12-04
CAMPAIGNING IN MISSOURI

CENATOR COCKRELL and Joseph W.
- Folk OF Missouri were to make campaign
addresses in the same town on the same day.
They left st. Louis together. and until a late
hour chatted in the smoking compartment.
When they finally decided to retire Mr..
Folk noticed the Senator remove his shoes
and then carefully place them under the
covers at the foot OF his berth. He could
not restrain his curiosity.
Why do You place your shoes in bed with
YOU" he asked quizzically.
"Sh-h-h, Not a word" said the Senator.
Il am to address 4 peculiar class OF my
constituents tomorrow. They are gentlemen
from the tall timber. Now do YOU under
stand,"
Il must confess that | do not replied
Mr.. Folk.
Well" said the Senator. If | left those
shoes out the porter would polish them,
would he not
Most assuredly he would" said Mr..
Folk.
Well. down in this part OF the country
the people don't stand for statesmen with
polished shoes"
x x x
Il am to have a thinking part in the new
play"
Well, we all have some uncongenial
roles"
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1904-12-04
BROUGHT BACK THE BELL

CONGRESSMAN SMITH of Michigan was
~ counsel for the defendant in a criminal
trial in which the main witness for the oppo-
sition was known to be a mar OF iil-rcpute.
Naturally Smiths idea was to make as
much of this fact as possible. SO he had
called to the stand a stalwart blacksmith
known to have had dealings with the witness
referred to.
Tell us said Mr.. Smith, what Won
Know of the reputation of the complaining
witness"
He has a bad reputation in this locality"
responded the blacksmith.
The prosecuting attorney then took the
blacksmith in hand to cross-eXamine him.
is it true that YOU have had some trouble
with the father of my CLIENT" asked he in an
impressive manner.
No" answered the big blacksmith de
cidedly.
Are YOU sure that you never had any trouble
with him." persisted the prosecuting attorney.
Nothing of any importance responded
the blacksmith.
All" exclaimed the prosecuting attorney
cxultantly. Then there was some trouble.
after ALL"
oh, well. said the blacksmith carelessly,
Il simply accused him of stealing a bell off
my COW
But he denied it, did he not:"
Yes" replied the blacksmith; but he
brought back the bell the next day
Author, timidly: Il have here, sir. a
manuscript entitled 'Garnering the Cram.
VIII YOU look at it,"
Editor: y we never use cereal stories.
You'd better try The Podunk Farmer"
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1904-12-04
CONSIDERABLE OF HER CHURCH

pRINATE" JOHN .ALLEN relates how
Il a colorcd preacher of 4 town in Missis-
sippi. Just across the border from Alabama,
was called upon to visit the locality last
mentioned To administer to an aged negro
supposed to bc in a living condition.
When he had afforded the desired religious
consolation. the minister expressed surprise
that the family had not summoned local aid.
Why didn't YOU folks send TO yo' own
minister, " asked he. Il understands dat
YOU is Baptists. Use Il Methodist"
We'll, sab" explained the old mans
wife, de doctah he SAID de disease Was
Infcckchus.'
Hewitt: After my operations in the stock
market yesterday | went home and tossed
all night"
Jewett: Another of your bull movements"
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1904-12-04
The Welsh Rabbit
By Nixon Waterman

In days of old the witches met in some mysterious spot
And in an orgy danced about a caliron steaming hot
Wherein they brewed the awful spell they laid upon the mind
OF him they sought to trouble, as the Evil One designed.
But fashions change, and witches o are young and debonar;
The caldron they employ is but a chafng-dish affair,
But. OH the fierce Welsh rabbit which they Conjnc from the flame,
Although it looks Sc gentle, is a terror just the same!
I've slain the hppopotamus; I've fought the grizzly bear;
I've braved the hon in his den, the tiger in his lair;
I've sought the huge rhinoceros and seized his horny snout
And rendered him so docle could lead him all about.
An elephant is easy when YOU get him on the run:
While Staying wolves and panthers is a childish sort OF fun;
But, oh! I'm filled with horror when I'm called upon to fight
y terrible Welsh rabbit in the middle of the night.
You say your prayers and go to bed. your mind serene and glad
You're thinking. very likely. OF the splendid feast you V had;
But when YOU find YOU re all alone and evervones ASLEEP,
Then something awful steals from out the shadows dark and deep.
The marrow freezes in your bones your blood u hot and cold,
You wake to find yourself within the rabbits awful hold!
1t pounces On YOU unawares and binds you to the rack;
For rabbits never fight until they have the inside track.
You wrcStle with the monster till YOU re nearly out of breath.
And you have a firm conviction You are near the jaws of death;
But by and by 1t lets YOU live. but only sc that when
Once more it finds YOU mapping it a torture you again.
And III the morning when YOU view the coming of the light
And think of all the tcrrors that beset YOU in the night,
You say: Come veal. come want. com woe, come where YOU
will and when.
Come anything, but, oh. don't let that rabbit come again."
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1904-12-04
A WATERS RETORT

OLLIE" JAMES, Representative of Ken
~ lucky, SAYS that while he and certain
friends were studying the bill Of fare in a
hotel on the Ncw-Ierscy coast 4 mosquito
alirhtcd on the card.
1t instantly lost its life by 4 quick blow
from the man holding the card. its little
carcass remaining on the bill. With Il smile
the man pointed 20 the remains and said to
the waiter:
DO YOU serve these on toast here"
They're IN the bill, sir" was the witty
retort Of the waiter.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1904-12-04
MAN OR MOUNTAIN

CLIFFORD B. HlLDRETH is the pro-
" prietor of a hotel at York Beach. Maine.
a few miles from a promontory known rs
Baldhead Cliff. The place is wild and pic
turesque, and is the mecca Of many summer
visitors.
Hildreth is called Cliff" by all who know
him. His head has pushed through his hair.
and he has little Use fo- a comb. y few weeks
ago a party OF tourists stopped in front of his
hotel and seeing Mrs. Hildreth on the verand~
one OF the men called out:
Can III tell me where Baldhead Cliff is?"
He must be around the house somewhere"
said Mrs. Hildreth. Il saw him lust a few
minutes ago She was not disconcerted by
the slangy title that she believed the tourist
had bestowed on her husband.
X x x
That small man is terribly sick"
Yes, it seems to be a case of muLnm IL,
pdruo.'
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1904-12-04
DANGER IN THE REAL THING

ERNEST THOMPSON SETON tells about
l. a resident of a county in Western
Texas who started a factory in which he
manufactured wolf scalps. The county paid
a bounty Of five dollars each for wolves and
accepted a scalp as evidence that the wolf
was dead.
This enterprising citizen made a model
on which he could stretch pieces of the skins
Of wolves coyotes and dogs, and could make
admirable scalps, which he deposited with
the county treasurer and collected the bounty.
One day the man met Seton. and re-
marked: Say, do YOU know ! came near
getting into trouble: | took eighty-six
scalps into the county treaSurcr's Office.
! made eightv-five of them myself and some
wolf grew the other one. Do YOU know,
the treasurer objected to the real thing,
He regarded it with suspicion. and for a time
! thought he WAS gong 10 refuse payment.
But the eighty-five that / made were accepted
without a question"
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1904-12-04
Beginnings Of Fdumor
By Merton Lyon

When that first prehistoric mi gathered and reared his furclad clan
To entertain them he began to manufacture rokcs:
His first attempt of course wa bad still it was all the old "a had
OF merry qmps he made a sad he passed off o the folks.
To him twas highest bliss,
And a sample ran like this:
Why is a chicken"
Then the story ldam told to Eve it took a hurnorist to conceive:
He made his darling wife believe he va Il witty blokc
He practTcd up on little Cain until the voungster wrthcd in pain:
But he never. never would explain his antedluvian joke.
You know Cain went amss-
Twas from such Jokes As this:
How old I'D you be if YOU VIII right fat"
y long time after the ages dark Noah went out in his ark
Upon a little fishing lark-hcd nothing else to do
BHthe he was and debonair. with lots and lots of time to spare;
He joked and roied everywhere (got off some good me too).
And from that time o this
His roke a standard is:
Which nd YOU rather do or go fshin'."
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1904-12-04
OPENED BY, MISTAKE

I was in the days when Nat Goodwin the
actor was not so wealthy and famous as
he is now. He strolled to the letter-box
in a theater where he was playing and drew
out a single letter addressed to him. The
writing was unfamiliar. the postmark told
him nothing, and he opened it hurriedly.
One glance was enough-it was a tailor's
bill.
Goodwin looked it over carefully, then
replaced it in the envelop. and wrote:
Opened by mistake. n. {. GOODWIN
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1904-12-04
INTERVIEWING J. p. MORGAN

An amusing story is told of the persis-
- tence OF a reporter on "A metropolitan
daily who had been assigned to interview
!. picrpont Morgan.
1t appears that the newspaper man, who
had made sundry attempts to see the financier.
both at his Office and at his residence. was
each time denied admittance. The young
man was at his wits end to devise a means
Ia carry out the instructions of his chief.
Finally, however, his opportunity came
accidentally. This occurred IN course of
an interview the reporter was having with
another man high in financial circles.
In their conversation the moneved man,
for some reason or other, had given the re-
porter his card; whereupon the latter was
seized with a great idea. fastening to the
residence Of Mr.. Morgan he sent in both his
own card and that of the financier from
whom he had Just parted.
As he had SurmiScd, the doors were opened
10 him; and a most gracious reception WAS
accorded by Mr.. Morgan.
When he had stated the reason for his
Young man. that at least ten reporters have
tried to see me to-day with reference To
this question: / have declined to see any
OF them"
The reporter smiled and replied: YES,
sir. | know that, for ! was the whole TEN"
Whercupon the magnatc was 50 pleased
with the enterprise and persistence OF the
reporter that for once he violated his rule
and gave his views expression at sone length.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1904-12-04

Young DR.. Swift calls every day on the
little widow"
Dear me, Is she as i'll as all that"
mo, but She Is as pretty as all that"
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1904-12-04

Come, George, VT shall go down to the store
and find out by the election returns whether
our suburb is to be a part of Chicago or not, "
Il guess we are annexed all right. papa"
answered the six-vear-old; look how smoky
1t IS"
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-10-29
Grounding Barbed Wire Fences.

A letter from Atchison, Kan, says
that an unusual number of live stock
have been killed this summer by light
ming running along barbed-wire fences.
Twelve cattle were thus killed recently
near Pennington; they stood with their
heads against the wire. Electricians
say there Is no limit to the amount of
electricity a barbed wire can carry, but
that farmers can prevent this killing Of
live stock by grounding the wires fire.
Quently along the fence-that is, run a
wire connected with the barbsd wires
Into the ground from the posts at a dis
lance of about 100 feet. These grounded
wires will carry the electricity into the
ground charge of lightning striking
a barbed wire will kill anything touch
ing the wire, even though the fence be
20 miles long.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-10-29
a TALK ON TILE DRAINING:
Simple Essen tails Which Will Assure
} Work That Will Last and
Prove Effective.

In my experience have learned
That, as rule, tiles of too small capac-
lily have been laid with the expecta-
ZION of carrying away the vast volume
Of water that often suddenly collects
In deep depressIons after heavy rain.
Four-inch tile is often required, and a
nle of less than three inches in diam
pter, Inside measurement, should never
be used The work of grading the bot
tom of the ditch for the reception Of
the tile often results in failure, owing
10 depressions or irregularities re-
naming where silt or other foreign
matter accumulates in the tile, thus
sbstructing the flow of water.
The final grade of a ditch should
never be finished. especially where a
doubt exists in regard to required fall,
without the aid of a level, and the
work should never be trusted to the
aye Of anyone, no matter how expert.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-10-29

path. The children were panic-stricken
The puppy had been among them,
barking and dancing about in the gen.
eral frolic. When the panic came it
seemed to regard the approaching mas
tiff as another source of amusement
Trotting out from the little ones, 1t
ran straight for the mastiff, barking
furiously. The mastiff dashed straight
at the puppy and its jaws snapped upon
the frail little fellow.
With the body OF the puppy dangling
from its mouth, the mastiff dashed
through the crowd Of children and was
finally shot some distance beyond.
The action of the puppy had suf1-
ciently distracted the dog to cause It
to ignore the little ones, and when it
was shot its teeth still clinched the
puppy.
The three Italian children gho were
bitten were treated by local physicians,
and will receive antitoxin treatment
All the bitten dogs were killed.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-10-29

I once employed professional ditcher
TO drain slough or pond hole, and,
owing to its failure to perform its
work, the tiles were taken up and the
Bottom of the ditch properly graded
with level, when II was discovered
that the grade at the outlet OF the ditch
was Is inches higher than the point It
was intended to drain. OF course, such
don and very expensive.
1t often happens that the outlets Of
drains are allowed to become obstruct-
Cd with silt, coarse grass, ETC., render
Ing them nearly or quite useless. To
those who may contemplate the inn
provement OF their farms by inaug-
urating q system of tile drainage, but
are deferred from doing SO owing to
She impossibility OF obtaining a profess
sional ditcher allow me to state that
che services of ordinary farm help with
the oversight and assistance OF the
farmer himself give as good, II not
better, results. Where a suitable fall
fs plainly visible, II Is not essential
that level be used. providing the bot
tom OF the ditch has an even grade
wiz IA AhCO lAChu ouJ
where doubt exists, a level, as shown
IN the accompanying diagram, should
be used.
In the device. a and b represent the
base OF level, 16H feet long, six inches
wide, tapering to two inches at the
ends; c and d the plumb indicating on
. the amount Of fall per rod. A wire
or wooden guard at keeps the plumb
bob from Hopping about. The up
right 10 six inches wide at base, where
II is mortised into the long strip, b.
and two and one-half inches wide at
the top. The braces are two inches
wide and made from one-inch pine
Irving B. Cook. in Orange Judd Farm
"a.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-10-29

rooster, and Mr.. Wells allowed the bird
to go, thinking it might find its way to
Its owner.
The next morning Tom brought the
same rooster to the house again and
this time Mr.. Wells kept it. Two days
later Tom brought home Plymouth
Rock pullet, and diligent inquiry did not
reveal from where it had been taken.
Tom was whipped for this second Of
Tense and seemed to remember the pun
ishment until the other day, when he
brought home another pullet.
1t was discovered that the owner this
time was ]. B. Adams, of Main street.
but the owners of the other chickens
have never been heard from.
Tom is a large, powerful cat OF the
tiger species, and his strength and
pluck are shown by his bringing home
such large game alive and unhurt.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-10-29
Fond Of Douehnuts

The little fellow was extremely fond
Of doughnuts. His eyes sparkled when
his grandmother set a plate of them
on the table the night Of his arrival
At the farm. frankie did not eat much
until the doughnuts were passed, then
he eagerly seized one in each chubby
hand.
why, Frankie" whispered his
mother, reprovingly, you have taken
two doughnuts!"
Il know it, ma" he whispered back.
with a longing glance at the plate,
-and If l had free hands, I'd taken
free."-Lippincott's
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-10-29
LITTLE MARKETING HINTS.
Shippers Should Study the Conditions
Of Trade Rather Than Depend
on Luck"

OF all the practical points in farming
there IL not one that has greater claim on
the attention of the raiser of farm prod
ucts than the art Of marketing Many
farmer puts tons of energy into produc-
Ing frst-class fruits, cereals, or live
stock and when il comes to putting them
On the market acts with childish judg-
ment that loses him many fine margin
that he might gain.
There is no better way to practically
illustrate the market feature of farming
than for farmers TO visit their markets
few times each year and see just how
their commission men handle their con-
signments. There are innumerable lit
Tie hints farmer of good judgment can
pick up any time he visits a large pro-
duce or live stock market He should
study very carefully the best seasons
TO market his produce, and when the
market looks favorable should hustle
his eonsignments in as promptly as pos
sible
The shipper must bear in mind that
there are few honest commission men
At least and that being on the ground
from day to day must know the market
Better than a man looking at It at long
range As rule the seller of live stock
does his best to get the top price, but
ne must follow the market. What the
shipper or producer of live stock. yeee-
tables or fruit must look out for is to
get what the market wants and when Il
Is wanted. To illustrate the point will
tell OF a conversation frst-class butch
NJ had with seller Of cattle.
Your cattle look all right" said the
butcher, but am going slow because
shis year all cattle that have had anv
grass, Kill spongy. We must make an
allowance on that 1t has been that way
this year"
This is only one phase of the business
and serves to show that the shipper
must ever keep in mind the exact state
OF the trade and to closely follow its
Vagaries- Luck frequently aids the ship
per, but good Judgment on market con
olbons is better than trustine to rlcl,
Sherwood, in Ohio Farmer.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-10-29
ROUNDS UP STRAY POULTRY
Cat of the Tiger Species Catches Game
Alive and Always Brings It
to His Master.

Well futile, of Case avenue, winsted,
Conn, has large cat that is in the habit
OF bringing home all the game it catches
without killing il. The cat is a good
ratter, but never kills any of the ro-
dents, but will always keep guard over
any 1T captures until some member OF
the family appears to relieve.
About year ago Tom, as the cat is
called, varied its usual form of game
and brought home alive and unframed a
small white Wyandotte rooster.
Inquiry among the neighbors failed
to show where Tom had stolen the
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-10-29
4. I, 4 7. isksSafss and Peso-


Trains Leave Observation-Disclosures
AIS a. m daily, Byrd {. Through.
Q ;45 a. m, daily, Msir St Through.
10 a m, week days, Elbs. Ashland accom-
$40 a. m, daily Byrd st. Through
Local stops
10 :05 noon, week days. BYRD St Through
s3O y. m, week days. Byrd st. Fredericlxs-
burg accommodation.
5!O5 p. m. daily, Main ST. Through
o::O p, M, week days. Elba. Ashland accom-
mediation.
sos y m, daily, BYRD ST. Through.
Trains Arrive Observation-Disclosures.
o;sO a m, week days. Elba Ashland accom-
mediation.
500 a, m, week days, Byrd ST. Fredericlxs-
burg accommodation.
s:sS,a M, daily, Byrd st. Through
III 90 a. m, week days, byrd st. Through.
Local steps.
2:o5 p, m. daily Main ST. Through.
600 p. m week days. Elba Ashland accom-
modations.
I :l5 p. m, daily Byrd 81, Through.
$50 y. m, daily, Byrd st. Through. ocal
lO,29 p. m. daily, MainSt Through
NOTE---Pullman Sleeping or Parlor Cars on
al above trains except train arriving Rich
mond ii so a m. week days and local accom-
modations.
Time of arrivals and departures and con
nections not guaranteed.
w. ID. DUKE, q. W. CULP, w. p. TAYLOR
Genl Man'r. Asst Gen1 Man. Traf Man.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-10-29
Best Results from Meadows

The Michigan experiment station
found after repeated tests that about
four times as much food can be obtained
from meadow by allowingft to mature
hay than by pasturing it. This means
that four COWS can be kept on the land
by growing hay instead of pasturing It;
or. to show it in another light, four
times as much land is required for pas
ture as for hay, for the same number of
cattle. Green food is given by grow
ing soiling crops, but in soiling from
two to three times the number of cows
can be maintained than by pasturing.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1904-10-29
A New Peat Fertilizer

The peat boys which abound IN the
north end of Mason county, Ill, and
render many acres of land unavailable
for agricultural purposes. are now being
put to use. The land is skinned and
the top layer of peat removed, and then
passed through a pulverizing and dry
ing process. After this city sewage II
mixed with it and it is sold as fertilizer.
A small plant near Manitois turning out
four carloads per day with a force OF
20 men employed.-National Provision
nH.