The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1904-03-14
The AotPAREJL HAN

on the Wall and Whistles on Its Fingers
After the Lights Are Put out-Nhy
Non -sweII-Front Men Are Out Of Place
In vesture OF This Description.
Mr.. Moses complains that gaiiy ca
parisoned friend caused him some trouble
the other day by calling at the house clad
In one of those riotous vests such as you
hear knocking on the closet wall after the
lights are out at night and the house be-
gins to get still.
Mr.. Moses has been accustomed to wear
ing simple, virtuous vest of the same
cloth as the rest Of his suit, but after this
visitor showed up with the wallpaper pat
tern adjoining his swell front, the ladies
OF the Moses household raised a loud out
cry and demanded a hand painted, kim
burned kaleidoscope vest for Mr. Moses.
This demand Mr. Moses has up to the
present time resisted.
Mr.. Moses is largely right There is
vast difference in manly form divine. This
factor Of form should be taken into con-
sideration by any woman who thinks Of
putting her husband into vest that re-
sembles Polish riot man with a
slight swell front or fully developed bay
window is right at home in a giddy vest;
but let a man, who is so thin that when
he has an abdominal pain, is unable to
tell whether it Is stomach ache or spinal
disease, let him get into fricasseed vest
i and he is as much out of place as a baked
potato in a bunch Of volets The vest
wrinkles on him and curls up at the
edges and looks as uncomfortable as an
agnostic at a Sunday school convention
| The rule may safely be laid down that
the Wagnerian opera vest Is for swell
fronts only.
Talk about your negro outrages They
have a colored man in South Carolina
who, every night after he goes sound
asleep, selects passage of scripture for
text and breaches for nearly an hour
first opening his discourse with song and
prayer He claims that he knows nothing
about 1t.
Some humane people in st. Louis are
agitated over the way physiology and zool-
ogy are taught in the schools. One wo-
man complains that her children lost all
the humane sentiments which they for
merly possessed thru a few weeks study
OF zoology in the high school. Animals
that were brought into the classroom alive
were killed or brought in dead the next
day, and seeing that their teachers ap-
parently had no respect for animal life
they soon learned to ridicule such an idea.
| What's humanity compared with the
soul uplift obtained by knowing where
your pneumo- gastric gangion Is?
Now, .'they say" the sun is showing
| line of fssion under its external envelope
which may Indicate that it is getting ready
to become a double star. We trust that
| they" are mistaken. With two suns do
ing business the earth might get between
| them and be pulled out of shape like a
wad of gum. p. S.-Don't lie awake nights
to worry about this yet.
i The Christian Register tells Of little
girl who having struggled with the word
l mummy" and thought she knew what
it meant was next turned to the word
poppy" This she described as a male
mummy.
i President Joseph Smith of the Mormons
ought to be confined in the Smithsonian
Institution.
Eight hundred Sunday school pilgrims
have sailed for Jerusalem to attend con-
} vention there. Why go so far when the
New Jerusalem is right at hand here?
TWO Chaska geniuSes pumped their wav
over to Shakopee on a handcar the other
day. On the way back a brace of tie hit
ters who wanted to go west to work on the
privilege of riding.
The st. James Journal lets out a whoop
Of joy over a package ranked by Sen
dtol MUSES. r. Cldpp containing nice IA
package of "Pole Bean" seed. one package
Of Golden Bronze Squash seed; one
package Of Southport Yellow Globe On
) 1on' seed; one package Of 'Salaman der
Lettuce" seed and one package 'Danvers
Half Long Carrot seeds. 'It does ones
heart good to be remembered by our
) friends in Washington" says The Journal
man and then he puts in demand on
( the government for Fifty pounds Of good
v grass seed" Good for Uncle Sam We
, would like two $50 elm trees for our yard
, and three or four Towering shrubs Please
send prepaid.
The place where the cigarette was first
used in America has at last been found
but nobody has yet proposed to raise a
monument there. The nall was first OBJ
3 served in the faces Of the students Of the
e Rensselaer, Polytechnic Institute. Troy N
:. Y. where many Cubans and South Amer
leans were students many years ago A
4 writer in the Cincinnati Commercial Trib-
: une says:
Y I was at the institute from 1884 to 1858 Out
Of 200 students. I suppose one-fourth were from,
countries They smoked cigarettes. hand made
\ from tobacco, fine in quality and fine in grain
These cigarettes were sent to them by the barrel
3 They were put up in punches of twenty-five and
these lunches were made into wheel shape and
hess 9s h h one on an4ther until barrel was
and we became cigarette smokers.
In those days was ashamed to smoke a
;. cigarette in the streets for everybody looked on
me as crazy man smoking paper. But the
habit was growing, and 1t has grown from that
+ day to this.
9 If we had known this before there would
s have been strong feeling in this country
e against freeing the Cubans. But it was
f too late in 1898, anyhow. The mischief was
: done.
: We feel some slight sympa thy for Ellda
Il won Corson of Boston who has message
. for the world which she voices in weekly
:, paper but which the proofreader neglect
= ed to keep free from vital errors. Elda
!. complains that she was made to say that
= 1.-THE study Of logic to the white race
/ is degeneracy'' when she really wanted to
o say THE study of yogi However. lit
o tie error like this really cuts no figure
) Then Ellda went on to show that "the
i three and four of the trinity were INSOFAR
/ able and the types made her say that
It they were "separable.' Even If the
II ''three and four were "separable" we
. should not neglect going to dinner because
4 of worry over the matter. Ellda, how
= ever, seems to think it is serious mat
ter.
Then what else do you suppose they did
to Ellda. She writes:
- I was made to say in the article Of Jan. 30
- 1.-THE three ways of the dove Of the ark become
the three ways of the gospels. said: 1.-THE
. three expressions or motions Of the dove which
. Noah sends from the ark become in evolution the
fhNnn Aor nf Tho lie ca "a