Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1904-02-05
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First Theatergoer-This play was
taken from the Italians. Second The
atergoer-Lucky Italians!-Smart Set.
She-What is a "fool-killer." any
way? He-I don't know. 1 never met
one. She-Naturally Philadelphia
Public Ledger.
"Poor thing, did she take her hus-
bands death much to hearth" "Why.
she's prostrated with grief! She can't
see soul except the dressmaker."
''De man dat knows heap an don't
/ try to do muffin" said Uncle Eben,
''an' de man dat dom know muffin an
! tries to do a heap is bof Of 'em nuis-
ances. Washington Star.
Americans are great kickers," re-
marked the visiting Englishman. Eyes,
indeed" replied the enthusiastic Amer
lean. That's what makes us such en-
thusiastic football Players
! Ethel heard the count had Tilted
Gladys. Jean-Oh, no; he's too much
of gentleman for that. know pos
itively that he gave Gladys three days
in which to jilt him.-New Orleans
Democrat.
But they told me you had money"
"And they bunkoed me into thinking
| you were rich" "Well, what's to be
done about it?" "Lets fall in love
just for spite. ."-Cincinnati CONNER
cial Tribune.
Noozey-I see they've revived the
rumor that General Kitchener is to be
married. Henpeck-That wouldn't be
surprising. It's natural for him to
| want to know something about every
form of warfare.-Philadelp Press.
prisoner, why did you strike this
man?" ''If you please, your honor, he
came to me suddenly and said, How
old is Ann? - "Well, what hurt did
that do?" "Why, you see, your hon.
or, Ann is my wife, .''-Cleveland Plain
Dealer.
When Mr.. Smith started for lodge
meeting the other night he said to his
wife, MARY, I believe I'll take the
key, for I might have trouble in find
/ ing it when I get home" "Yes," said
his wife, "and you'd better take the
keyhole, tOo."-Lyre.
He-It certainly was a pretty we'd
ding, and everything was so nicely ar
ranged. She-That's just what think;
and the music was especially appro-
pirate. He-I don't remember What
did they play? She-The Last Hope
-Lippincott's Magazine.
isn't there some way to patch up
your differences with your husband?"
asked the kind lawyer. mo way at all,
SIR" answered the woman. when
ever he gets the least bit mad he re-
minds me that 1 had to advertise to
get him."-Indianapoli Sun.
II shall get DIVORCE" cried the an
CRY wife, her eyes flashing fire.
"Henceforth shall be freew "Well,
/ haven't any kick coming" calmly re-
joined the husband. It'll be more
money in my pocket every morning, I
tell you those. se."-Kennebec Journal
Mistress-Did any one call while I
was out, Jane? Jane-Yis, mum. Wan
gentlemin wuz afther calm, mum.
Mistress What was his name? Jane
Moike O'Rafferty, mum, an he was
as glad to foind yez out as he wuz to
find me in, Orm thinkin', mum.-Chi-
cago News.
"A woman can never keep anything
to herself" said Danboy to his wife,
who had been repeating something he
didn't want known. "Oh, yes, she
can," said Mrs. Danboy, sweetly. I'D
like to know what it is" he growled.
Its her real and private opinion of
her husband"
Does the baby talk yet?' asked
friend of the family. NO" replied the
baby's disgusted little brother, 1.-The
baby doesn't have to talk" Doesn't
have to talk?' "No; all the baby has
to do is to yell and it gets anything
there is in the house that's worth hav-
ing."-New York Times.
Mrs. Bilkins (sweetly)-Do have an
other piece of cake, Cousin John.
Cousin John-Why, really, I've already
had two; but it's so good l believe I
will have another. Little Johnnie lex
citedly)-Ma's a winner! Mas a win
ner!' She said she'd bet you'd make a
pig of yourself!-Town and Country.
The effete East: Wabash-'How
long did it take you to do that pic
ture?" French artist( proudly)-'I am
engage upon eet for seek months"
Wabash-"Just as 1 thought. You're
dead slow over there. Why. I've saw
fellers in Chicago turnin' them things
out while. We wait" t."-Philadelphia
Press.
Mrs. Bilkins (sweetly)-"Do have an
other piece of cake, Cousin John"
Cousin John-"Why, really, I've al
ready had two; but it's SO good l be-
lieve 1 will have another" Little John
ME (excitedly)-"Ma's a winner! Mas
a winner! She said she'd bet you'd
make a pig of yourself.'-Town and
Country.
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