The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1904-08-22

the teller wins out.-Ph1losophy of Colonel
Whea ton.
The colonel had just brought party
back from the up-Prairie River lakes,
which party had made a quick get-up-
stairs and away from the crowd in the
hotel rotunda-which isn't the manner of
the party who have returned in triumph
bringing their sheaves-and the crowd
naturally blocked the colonel's evident in
tention to modestly fade away, and de-
manded that he show cause, as we phrase
it up hereaway. Which he did, being a
colonel never at g. loss for an explanation
which explains about as much as the
Sublime Porte's reply to a diplomatic de-
mand for a remittance which Is not backed
by battleships. And thus the colonel:
90, yes. Them fellers had a fine time
for sure. That kid you see wropped up in
a long macintosh he didn't ketch no cold,
ner nothin else, but skunk, w'ich made
us bury him up to his neck IN the sand
n keep him there tell we got ready to
come home But they had a good time all
the same. 0, yes, we had to throw the
kids cloes all away, cause they wasn't
| time enough to get en- sweetened out, n
mebbe the kid didn't enjoy 1t none too
| much but the rest Of 'em had a bully
| time, you bet your neck.
ct minded me Of old Helenbrimstun,
n the time we had. Who's he? Why,
don't you fellers know nothin' t you don't
|
was. Course you knowed him. We called
him old Helenbrimstun cause that was
his word. He was from Maine, you see,
| n called stone stun. WY mind once men
I him in Chicago "a port of entry the
colonel never saw in his life) n we got
into one Of the biggest hotels in the town
by mistake. We seen eatin' goin' on thru
the window O. the dinin'room, N jes' nat
| 'ruily bulled in, fer we was hungry g
wolves. 1t was a way up place fer style,
| N ev'ry coon waiter had billed shirt,
N swallertaiI coat on, but SEEM we'd
got in we meant to stick it out, fer we
callated we could eats much's airy two
men in the place. Well, we got sot down
at a table nigh the window, N a coon
fetched us biller fare apiece to see
what we'd have. Old Helenbrimstun he
was as fond O. fshs ever Jonah was, N
! fer some, n I followed suit. The coon
brung it, n we started on it, but bout
q the second mouthful old Jeth spit out a
whole passed. O. bones, N says to me-:
'Helenbrimstun, Roy! They can't fool me
no SIGH ways this. This amt no pike.
faint nothin' but snake pick'rel'-'n jes'
then the boss coon slid Jpn says: We
dom low no sech onpolite behavior here.
sub, n you'll hev to shut up er git out
er about that. 'Helenbrimstun, old Jeth
says; TIL show you how gittin' outs done,
n he ups'n grabs the coon.
coon thru the winder, glass'n all. ms we
made a big huff hole, we skinned thru
it, too. Soon's we hit the sidewalk old
Jeth says: We're agin it, Roy. Let's pike
out'n run in a cop fore the whole police
force gifts after us-'n that's Jest what
we done. We run onto a big Irish cop on
the corner, n told him all about it.; he
took us over to a police court where a
, jedge was doing business. The jedge he
| hear6 nS nc
tenn costs apiece, n then old Helenbrim-
stun he puts in a kick. tJedge,' he says
tibet fish was fuller bones'n hell is Ell
democrats, m the judge says fine is
s'spended m fer us to git to hell out Ell
there, m do it quick-'n' we did, too, you
bet your neck! This jedge was a redhot
, republican, m hadn't no more use fer 8
e democrat'n a dog has fer a cat, m ole
Helenbrimstuns kick hit him right where
\ he lives'n gifts us off afyin'. B'gosh! Tc
( like to see old Helenbrimstun agin'!s
g LAS time seen him beat him out'n g
! hundred dollars Sticks a whistle, m
q KEEP shy O. him since fer fear Of him
maxim some rankiboo play to git even
He'd do it, too, eff he got the chance. Til
was this way: We was a-drivin' a brool
m had lot O. Injuns ter work. Old Jetl
: he was alters a-braggin' on them Injuns
fer packers, n said they could outpack
> horse, m no white man was In it with
n them. So one day we run out O. sugar, n
# the old man he'd a bar'l fetched up n
,, lef' at a squaw mans on the lake we wa:
o a-drivin' into. n told me to take tire,
II Injuns n pack up the sugar to the wan
y gan. Throwed out some slurs at me hov
g g mebbe the Injuns'd hev to lug me back
wells the sugar, but he guessed the,
could do 1t. N I up n offered ter be
him a bundled I'd race 'em down ter tn
squaw mans m back, N beat 'em tie
: the wan'gan n lug's much sugars ar,
one O. 'em did, he took me up. So w
started down fore day, them Injuns car
= = ryin' the head packstraps they use n
y me with packsack.
lie Now an Injun's jes' like wolf. Hell
- eat when he kin, no matter eff he's hun
cry not, n wen he's full up he'I
crawl under som pin n go to Sleep n,
matter whether school keeps err nor, i
I knowed it. So I made em eat heart,
fore we started, n I on'y ct huff t.
take the aidge offn my ep'tite. The,
I made 'em take a big lunch long, ;,
wen we got ter the driving camp. 'bou
: five miles from the squawman's, I got 'en
b to stop n eat agin. Then wen we so
le to the squawman's shack got his squay
. to bile us up some tea, N them savage
.r crammed themselves agin, n that file,
EN- right full up ter the throat N LEI
!. mighty little hikin' in EN-, you bet you
| HeCh. lueu w en- we LII up our pipes
made 'em smoke my tobacco stead O
their killilinnick, N mine was Perique
n d a blowed the lid off'n a copper kit
tie. N soon's noticed 'em gittin'
dirty gray bout the gils 1 made zen
histe up their packs N start fer tn
: wan gam started ahead, N never lookej
back tell got to the drivin' camp i
then I had on'y one Injun weth me, i
he was awobblin like he he'd the bin
staggers. Two more miles'n there warn
nary one n got in by my lonesome
n them Injuns never got in tell mex
night. got the stakes N flew fore tn
first one rived. Old Helenbrimstun Nigh
s'pected some pin, n there wasn't neve
no tellin' what dido he might cut up We
ne got a wrong idee into his old heat
N an amt never seen him since. OF
bout the fish them fellers ketched. Wei
they never ketched none. The bas
Warn't abitin' none vile we was out.
&c. q Kelly.
STOCK IN THIS NINE
is EAGERLY SOUGHT AETrEI