The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1904-10-13
THE NONPAREIL MAN

A Fierce and ImpacabIe Ancestral Daueh-
tiers OF the Revolution Controversy Be-
tween Charles Allen, George Breed and
Stacy Cochran Of Bookings, S. D.
- Evidence Tending to Show that About
Every Person on Earth Is the Descen-
dant of THIEF and d scounireI.
Stacy Cochran, editor of the Brookings
Is. do. Individual, has butted into an
ancestral Daughters of the Revolution
controversy between Charles Allen and
George Breed. The Individual says: |
= There is great controversy going on
between Charley Allen and George Breed
over who has the most illustriouS ances-
tors. Breed claims that his grandfather
owned Breeds HILL on which the battle
of Bunker Hill was fought Charley
claims that Ethan Allen was his grand
father. The handsome and accomplished
editor Of this journal and great family
newspaper has claims to- ancestry which
will lay them both in the shade. ! One of
our paternal ancestors was a thief and
was hung by Archibald Douglas; earl of
Angus. The line of succession is not clear,
as 1t happened a long time ago. The old
rascals name was Cochran, and there:
has been more than one Cochran tina t
ought to have been hung. Oh, shucks!
What is being descendants of Breeds hill
or Ethan Allen compared with being the
descendant of man who was hung by
a lord?' s$z.7 ga /. 4 =, .te.sE-,
+ This family pride matter is an interest
Ing one. Why should 4 man whose great
great grandfather was kicked by King,
or by two kings, for that matter, set up a
family tree and have heraldic devices on
his automobile? IT. is much more salts
factory to have ones grandfather make a
few millions In trade and leave It in the
family until we come along who are
perfectly fitted by nature and environment
for spending it like a gentleman.
If we could pick ancestors we would by
! all means take a. grandfather who had
| made a million dollars in soap in prefer
| ence to a distant connection who had
been distinguished by being kicked by an
earl. We may be wrong. = r.: -.
| Unhapp1ly, our grandpa was so busy
picking stones off his New England farm
| that he had no time either to make a bill
| lion dollars or to fool around and get
kicked by royalty Hence our present
excited state of mind Oh the approach of
payday. =. ,'Zt5"- =
L: Nevertheless; =. and notwithstanding,
/ there never was a family tree that didn't
run back to a thief, for we are: all the
descendants Of scoundrels and savages if
you go far enough, and some of u.s. as
Mr.. Cochran acknowledges. do not have
to go very far We are all coming up out
Of savagery and we"are not very: far. out
yet. Do we not ASA nation stand ready
to kill and maim thru the bloody and
savage art of making war? Are not two
great nations now engaged in the cheerful
pastime Of cutting each others throats
and bleeding each other white?".. Muir
der a fine art is highly thought of by
many of us. -
Ancestors! HUH! We are blamed
sight better than most of our ancestors
and there's lots of room for improvement
in us. Our family tree runs forward
about a million years. instead of back
i We are proud in the hope Of having
# pea cemakers for descendants, rather thar
4 throat-cutters forH apsestors. :. # this b.
treason, make the most of it. We ar
glad it Is. !~
The Russians have taken-the ,aggres
to hold it. ~
r Vance Thompson tells good one: eithe
: on himself or Sarah Bernhardt, he ha
not. yet decided which. Some years ag
Q Mr. Thompson was asked by his edito
$ to secure Christina sEstory if he. cou
Y from Sarah Bernhardt ,Mwho wassplayin
+ and let her sign Il Is Y II were:afhier owl
Accordingly he turned a pretty littl
g story called Noel The neKtt day. Sara
Tread, approved and dashed her. stuhnin
i signature on both manuscripts,sand tn
French version and the English versio
e were printed side by side. -
d The other day, when he visited Sara
in Paris at her big house in the Boule
Ell ward ssPereire, Thompson found that: sh
e had forgotten him. He discovered th
e fact when he picked :; up beautiful
: illustrated book by the tragediennt
: which to his surprise was "Noel''' M
Thompson was staring at it as one stare
: at the ghost Of an old sweetheart whe
It Nine Sarah came ssvift-footed. rustlin
in an orange colored morning gown.
h --"Oh,' she exclaimed, noticing the boo
n in his hand. "Have you read it? A Lii
a tie thing, but real. It was an event i
u my own life that haunted me until
: simply had to write it, fragment of m
childhood. All, those days, those days!
o A Western avenue mechanic has unde
n construction what he calls an autoscrev
= or boretomobile. 1T is built on tn
e lines of a. racing automobile, except thu
i it has. large ginlet Of auger-like from
h extending several Feet z The driver
n i sheltered by a steel 5plate hood. When
d Ehouse or a barn gets in the way Of tt
IS i'autoscreW the driver runs at it full ii
! and esmashes right inte-it for about a foo
q The. impact sets the secondary macI1ine1
n in motion. This machinery furls.t,up tt
IS wheels close to, the body of the,&au
5 screw and sets he,atitos into a circuls
n motion that bores, a ? hole directly thu
N the house like a great auto-auger. TIL
le saves the chauffeur going way around
e house or barn and simplifes matte
e. much, in that the autoscrew can make
l. path as the crow t1fes;i and so is n
'e obliged to follow the roads.
Or s.-'rho invention, ,,ro,,,,sas r.. ho . .,ro,
W success. -" T A J.. R.
III
is : .,%