The river press., 1904-01-13
A DOGS TALE
By MARK TWAIN.

(From Harper's Magazine For December
My father was a st. Bernard, my
mother was a collie, but am Pres
byterian. This is what my mother
told me. do not know these nice dis
tinctions myself. To me they are only
fine, large words meaning nothing. My
mother had fondness for such. She
liked to say them and see other dogs
look surprised and envious, as wonder
ing how she got so much education.
But indeed it was not real education;
it was only show. She got the words
by listening in the dining room and
drawing room when there was COM
pany and by going with the children
to Sunday school and listening there
and whenever she heard large word
she said it over to herself many times
and so was able to keep it until there
was dogmatic gathering in the neigh
borhood; then she would get it off and
surprise and dstrp1s them all, from
pocket pup to mastiff. which rewarded
her for all her trouble. If there was
stranger he was nearly sure to be sus-
picious, and when he got his breath
again he would ask her what it meant.
And she always told him. He was
never expecting this. but thought he
would catch her, so when she told him
he was the one that looked ashamed.
whereas he had thought it was going
to be she.
The others were always waiting for
this and glad of it aud proud of her,
for they knew what was going to hap
pen. because they had had experience
When she told the meaning of big
word they were all so taken up with
admiration that it never occurred to
any dog to doubt if it was the right
one thing she answered up so prompt
~ that it seemed like dictionary
speaking. and for another thing where
could they find out whether it was
right or not? For she was the only
cultivated dog there was.
by and by. when was older, she
brought home the word "unintellec-
tuar' one time and worked it pretty
hard all the week at different gather
ings. making much unhappiness and
despondency. and it was at this time
that | noticed that during that week
she was asked for the meaning at eight
different assemblagcs and flashed out
a fresh definition every time, which
showed me that she had more presence
nothing Of course.
She had one word which she always
kept on hand and ready, like life
prescrver. a kind Of emergency word
to strap on when she was likely to get
washed overheard in a sudden way.
That was the word "synonymous"
When she happened to fetch out long
word which had had its day weeks be-
fore and it's prepared meanings gone to
her dump pile, if there was stranger
there of course it knocked him groggy
for couple Of minutes, then he would
come to, and by that time she would be
away down the wind on another tack
and not expecting anything. So when
he'd hail and ask her to cash in | the
only dog Oh the inside of her game)
could see her canvas flicker moment
but only just a momcnt-then it
would belly out taut and full. and she
would say, as calm as IL summers day.
Its synonymous with supereroga-
uon,' or some goddess long reptile Of a
word like that, and go placidly about
and skim away on the next tack, per-
fectly comfortable, you know. and
leave that stranger looking profane
and embarrassed and the initiated
the floor with their tails in
unison and their faces transfgured
with a holy joy
Copyright 1903 by Harpers Magazine