The Fairmont West Virginian. (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1904-1914, 1904-09-22

THE Royal procession was as FOL
lows: First came a detachment of
police They wore campaign hats,
variously distorted, huge tin stars,
and any old clothes they happened to
have literally ornamented with
paint A few of them wore legends
such as Clarence, the cop All car
ried immense red, white, and blue
stuffed clubs.
Neptune and Aphrodite, attended
by two gaily dressed pages, appeared
upon an appropriately draped coaling
truck, drawn by eight bears. The
bears wore immense sheepskin hats,
Of rope yarn whiskers. Neptune wore
tin crown, flowing scarlet robe,
superabundance of whiskers and
carried silver trident. Aphrodite
wore smaller crown and was appro-
priately dressed.
"Following the royal chariot came
his majesty'S+ suite, consisting OF two
judges, two bumpers, the Jester, the
royal barber and his assistants. the
doctor, the chief of police, and the
officer of the deck. All wore appro-
showed considerable ingenuity. The
doctor was a fairly good imitation OF
Sunny Jim. The officer of the deck
was Respondent in a paper cooked
hat, an abundance of yellow stripes,
pair of rope yarn epaulets and car
ried a pair of binoculars, made by
flashing two beer bottles together. The
barber carried a huge wooden razor
and one of his assistants large
whitewash brush. with which to apply
the lather. The doctor carried a va
lise, a saw, a mailet, and other instru-
ments of his profession. Another
squad of police brought up the rear.
Neptune, having been given the
freedom of the ship, went forward
and opened the court. The bears
stripped to their bathing trunks and
jumped into the tank. The barber
stropped his razor while his assist
ants stirred the barrel of lather. This
lather consisted Of flour, water, old
cheese. cylinder oil, vinegar ana
whatever else came handy. The
clerk had list of the uninitated and
the police were sent to round them
up.
The culprits were marched past
the throne and then up to the judges
stand. Here they were eXa mined by,
the doctor. who, in mos cases. adj
:linistered treatment. To some We're
given pills, many were sounded. eth
ar with & mallet or a split lath, a few
were operated upon with the saw, but
;,,;,,
of a black bottle. Their jaws were
pried open and the dose administered
with a large spoon. it wasn't the
incest tasting stuff in the world. eth
or.
THE Judge then passed sentence
and the unhappy victim was placed
Upon The BARRIERS chair to DO shaved
Here he was asked his name MI
hat answered had their months in
SANITY filed with lather by the
Natchful attendant. with the white
wash brush. After nose, mouth. ears
and neck had been pientifuI1y la7h-
cred, the barber made a few strokes
with razor. and a watchful helper
With 4 squirt gun filled with dirty
water isopJ q sharp eye for openings
When he was judged 10 be sufficiently
b2smcarcd The two bumpers tilted the
plank and he slid into the tank.
Here he was pounced upon by the
aEpectant bears and most thoroughly
dUCkeA. They bounced him up and
down. in and OUT, pulled him this way
and that, until he finally emerged at
the other end Of the tank in a half
drowned condition. AS he climbed
the ladder q kind hearted policeman
turned a fire hose on him, but when
he had passed that, his ordeal was
over and he was one of Neptune's
loyal subjects.
THE uninitiated officers We're per-