davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1904-01-01
THE N0NPAREJL MAN

In Which "Teacher'' Relates One OF this
Troubles Due to the Thoughttessness
OF Youtil-A Slight Confusion Regard /
Ing the lnstructress' Age-HoW the
Last Man Is Enabled to Escape from
the Torpedo Tube When the subma-
rine Vessel Is Disabled.
Even our veterans teachers have many
things to contend with. Only the other
DAY a delightful lady related with tears
her troubles to us. 1t seems that the flag
on the school building was at half mast &
and the children were asked to tell why
this was SO. Various guesses, all wrong.
We're made. Finally the teacher said:
NO children, you are all wrong. But
will give you a hint. The event which
the half-masted flag commentaries oc-
Cured when I was a little girl going to
school at the Marcy school.
Here little girl raised her hand and
hourished it violently in the air.
well, Ethel?'s
"The landing Of Columbus. ma am
It was something of shock to teacher.
An inuuisitive person wants to know
how the last man in the wrecked subma-
rine boat would. get, out if the crew had
| to be shot out Of the torpedo tube Would
| the last man get nth the gun and hre
himself out? II No. dearie, the last man
would be fired by the navy department
| for remaining behind Or perhaps better
still, when the last but one saw that there
| was one to be left behind he would take
| him along with him so that at the last
shot two men would be fired out together,
thus obviating the necessity of having a
last man and nobody to shoot him out.
! You should reason these things out for
yourself and not ask troublesome ques-
| tons.
The head of Salt Lake Insti-toot
Came out with loud and raucous boot
i Agin Smoot!
Remarking that that thar galoot
Deserved to get the rawhide boot,
That Smoot!
His ways the people did not suit,
u And some day would bear bitter fruit,
i A bas LIE Smoot!
A ladies' league Of some repute
, Confessed itself the first recruit
To war on Smoot.
The ladies could not be called mute,
Their language they did not dilute
In jumping Smoot.
They called on Secretary Root
Who, they remarked, was very cute,
To war on Smoot.
3 Now surely it cannot be right
For fellow creatures thus to fight
: Or Smoot, or Smit or Sndte.
If there is going to be war the com
batants should remember that in cases OF
e severe and protracted siege Missouri mule
S tenderloin is regarded as having many o.
S the staying qualities Of old doormat.
He was going to say Happy New
Year. and got as far as Happy wher
9 little Georgia broke in and added 'Hoolt
: gam
e How good it seems to be done will
: that bad habit at last.
o The people in the theater disasters ar
usually killed not by fire but by fear-an'
- - that is worse.
w. e. Davis, the versatile editor Of tn
!. Commercial Bulletin, is running a nonpa
. reil type column that is causing quite
2. little comment in the grocery and allie
!. trades In his last issue, under the cap
- - ton of Market Notes" Mr.. Davis wit
- tily says:
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1904-01-01

Tn view Of the hasty conclusion reached
in some quarters that Judge Collins did
not resign because he lacked confidence in
his chances for the nomination. his resig-
nation is entitled to the Interpretation that
he has sized up the situation leisurely and
carefully and is more than ever confident
of success.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1904-01-01

Frank c. Andrews, who wrecked, a De-
troit savings bank and was sent toprison
for afteen- years. has been pardoned The
pardon will make more bank wreckers and
more recruits for mobs
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1904-01-01

The advance in the market price of cot
ton since the season began means $780,
100000 for the cotton farmers of the south.
And there is frost in Wall street.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1904-01-01

A large audience witnessed the New
Years matinee at the Lyceum this after
noon. The play is. the comedy drama,
IAN: Innocent. Sinner" 81
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1904-01-01
THE MAGAZINES

g Forecast of .EIectionsby states.-The po-
litical forecaster has begun work on the
presidential elections of 1904. LesIie's
Weekly for this week contains the follow
ing table of sure and doubtful states. 1t
gives the republicans 33 more than enough
votes to elect, the number necessary to
a choice being 239.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1904-01-01

The. Pioneer Press proposes that theater
panics be prevented by theatef guards
armed with rifles and authorized to shoot
any person starting a stampede in a the
ater.a The Pioneer seems to be al little
.panicky ITSELF s q
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1904-01-01

Canned goods are quiet.
Cheese is steady to weak.
Bananas have moved well this week.
Nuts have been in very large de-
mand.
Turkeys took their usual slump be-
fore Christmas.
Eggs are very strong and are higher.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1904-01-01

The first presentation in this city OF
the new sensational inelodrama, Light
house by the Sea- will take place Sum
day afternoon at the Bijou, where il
will be the attraction for one week.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1904-01-01
Butter is weak.
Veal Is neglected.
Rice may advance soon.

Think of the poor calf's lonely bawls
and the butter struggling to keep it's.
feet Then that rice! But it may advance
for all we care. We have no intention
of trying to trip it UP. But Mr.. Davis
goes on:
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1904-01-01
BILLY PRuNEs
Owatnnna Journal.

Owatonna Journal.
Billy Prunes is before the public once
more. This time. he is with the Minneap-
oils journal. His cartoons show new
lead, and they are proving Very popular.
Il h e Journal is to be congratulate
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1904-01-01

That '"The Chaperons'' has lost none
Of It's popularity is evidenced by the large
and enthusiastic audiences which greet
its every performance at the Bijou.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1904-01-01

Whether they can pass muster with the
voters' league is question which candi-
dates for city offices will have to consider,
along with other things, before they decide
to enter the arena in Minneapolis here
Of .5.ssg:s
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1904-01-01

For New Years attraction the man
agement Of the Dewey made wise Sc
lection in the Dainty Duchess company.
In scenic and wardrobe display it cannot
be excelled among burlesquers.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1904-01-01

Congress will try to, ascertain why 50
many excellent men desert from the navy.
Too much officer, probably.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1904-01-01

Esf 'Graustark," the Ferris Stock COM
panyis9 greatest success, will be presented
at the LyceuIn all next week. Dick Fer
ris and Grace Hayward will be seen in
the leading roles! so
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1904-01-01

Back seats in the parquet circle arr
more valuable than they were.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1904-01-01

AN INVITATION is extended to- all to visit
The Press Room which Is the finest in the west.
The battery of presses consists Of three four:
deck Goss Presses with total capacity eriyte o.
folded and counted Tie best. time to call is
from 8:15 to 4.3O p M. Inquire at the business
office and be directed to the visitors gallery OF
the Press Room.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1904-01-01

without Prejudice is the title of a series of
articles Israel zangwin is writing for . London
weekly =. n 80 II
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1904-01-01

DIR. H. f. Swanback OF Nebraska wears the
iron cross OF Prussia, given him by Frederick
~. ~.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1904-01-01

Only 2-CENT, Daily In Minneapolis
REMEMBER, all this circulation is
the S o'clock edition, which is deHv-
erred directly to the homes. All the
members of the family have time TO
read 1T.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1904-01-01
BOOKS RECEIVED

AMERICA BY John Fiske4 Two volumes,
finely illustrated. Boston, Houghton, .Miffin
& Co. Minneapolis: n. Mccarthy Price SIS.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1904-01-01

The Journal carried id November
1876 columns of advertising, 400 col
umns more than any other Mnneapo-
lis or st. Paul paper, daily or daily
and Sunday issues combined.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1904-01-01
AT THE THEATERS
Foyer Chat.

The special holiday matinee of ''The
Sleepy King at the Metropolitan to-day
was heavily patronized. Performances to.
night and tomorrow afternoon and eve
ming will conclude the engagement.
That the tremendous business done by
ben Hur' on it's last visit will be more
than duplicated at the Metropolitan mex
week Is shown by the fact that the adj.
vance sale already has exceeded that fol
the same period last season.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1904-01-01
TRAVELLERS ABROAD

will find The journal on file as follows:
LONDoN--u. S. Express Co., 80 Strand.
American Express CO.; Waterloo
Place. fe
DENMARK--B. s. Legation. s-ssi ' i,
PARIS-Ea gle. Bureau, So rue sCambon,, y
Residents visiting Paris can have theil
mail, or telegra ms sent care OF TINS
Bureau and the same will be Tor
warded ] to-. them orr held for theh
arrival. si53 10y = ss
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1904-01-01

w. E. Davis, the versatile editor Of the
Commercial Bulletin, is running a nonpa-
-reil type column that is causing quite a
little comment in the grocery and allied
trades. In his last issue, under the cap
ton of market Notes." Mr.. Davis wit
tily says:
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1904-01-01

!. ] In regard to the manuscript of Millions
Paradise Lost to be sold at auction
Jan. 25, it is now said, says the New York
Times Saturday Review, that nobody
knows whether it is the original manu-
script written by the blind poets amanu-
ensis or the work of some printers scriv-
ener. Many experts are said to place little
value on it.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1904-01-01

The proprietors Of the 1roquois theater
wanted a cheap$asbestos curtain. They got
1T, but it burned up. Here is where the
'demon Of cheapness' and the fire fend''
were in alliance
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1904-01-01

The people in the theater disasters are
usually killed not by fire but by fear-and
that is worse.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1904-01-01
RE REPUBLICAN STATES.

Evolution of the Cake-Walk,'' ''Won-
derful Bridge Across Salt Lake and "Ath-
letics in the Regular Army" are among
the other subjects in the number.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1904-01-01

How good it seems to be done with
that bad habit at last.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1904-04-21

States and Mr. Bowers of Mississippi answered some
statements recently made by Mr. Gillett Of Massa.
chusetts regarding violations of the constitutions Of
some of the southern states with respect to negro suf
frage. lie made comparison of the criminal sta
stics of Massachusetts, and Mississippi and said these
showed that the negroes in the latter state were six
time better than those of Massachusetts lie said
that the negro was not fit for selfgovernmen and he
was greeted with democratic applause when he said
the negro, within constitutional limits should be
eliminated as political factor. I thank God he
added, the constitution of Mississippi swept the
circle of expedient to accomplish that end =
After giving considerable space to all that was said
upon the negro question, the report adds; ''The
Alaska bill was then laid aside and bill was passed
providing for the cesson of l20 acres of land in Colo
RADIO to the Beeeher Island Battle Memorial Assoca
tion." OF course much allowance is 10 be made for
the burning zeal of the members from Massachusetts,
and from Mississippi on the negro question, but at
least little attention should have been given to
Alaska. 1t is big country and its claims for dele
gate in congress deserve hearing
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1904-04-21
LABELLING TREES.

Washington d. c., is engaged in d movement that
is regarded by its citizens as an example or some
what novel and cumulative sort says the Telegram.
After considerable discussion among the park au.
announcement that beginning has been made in
labelling all the trees in the public parks of the Dis
eating park regulation of novel character is evi-
denced by the fact that it is made the subject Of
editorial comment in the Washington Star
The Washingtonian who thinks that in this com
mendable move for the edhcation Of the parkvsting
public his city leading all other municipalities in
this broad land of ours should restrain his swelling
pride until he hears from Portland. Ore Although
on the sea-swept fringe of the wild and woody west
as citizens of Portland it is our right to boast of
park commission that for more than year has given
us the benefit of an arrangement similar to that lust
naugurated in Washington 1t affords us pleasure
to assure somewhat slower brethren who reside at
the center of national activities that results have
proven the plan to be highly satisfactory one; and
they are welcome to the further information that dis
closes prospective extension and improvement of
the idea.
In the local city park theer are approximately sol
varieties of trees and 40 varieties OF shrubs all ofl
which are plainly designated by labels on zinc tags
fastened to the wood with zinc nails to prevent dis
coloration from rust. From these can be learned
both the popular and technical maize by which tree
or shrub is known is further proposed to suspend
under such labels printed summary of interesting
facts pertaining to the range use value and char
icerstics Of the individual plant Both ideas origin
lted with Colonel L. l.. Hawkins, member of the
ocal park commission, to whom credit is due for the
hrs Portland may egitimately assume in leading the
in de steele community of the national capital in one
'espect at least
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1904-04-21

A brilliant polo season has been
planned as one OF the worlds fair at
fractions. The leading polo teams OF
England and America win participate.
The polo contests VIII occur on the
Stadium, the program to be arranged
by the National Polo Association OF
America, These contests viii give
the public an opportunity to see many
mlllionaires OF two continents mount
ed on hob-tailed ponies. sportingly
chasing polo balls with the lively en-
thuslasm OF school boys In the spirit
ed game OF shiny"
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1904-04-21

Cardinal Satoll's proposed visit to the United
States privately and without mission is commented
upon as the breaking of papal tradition as there
IS no recent record OF cardinal closely attached to
the papa court going abroad except as an abegate.
But Mgr Satolli had to come unoficially or not at
all. Doubtless he will enjoy his visit and have a
much better time than if bufdened with official re-
sponsibilities
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1904-04-21
ALASKA IN CONGRESS,

An interesting illustration of the manner in which
the house of representatives discusses bills that are
before it. and also of the degree of interest eastern
people take of Pacific coast affairs, is shown in re-
port by one of our Boston exchanges of recent de-
bate on bill to provide for delegate in congress
fOm Alaska, says the Call
The report says that in the course of the debate
Mr. Granger Of Rhode Island briefly discussed the
BUSINESS feature of the social system of the United
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1904-04-21

The "Novoe Vremya" of st. Petersburg "sees -
the much-worn yellow Peril" and goes it one bet
ter The 'Novoe Vremya" has discovered what it
calls an "Anglo-Saxon Peril, and predicts that Rus
sla, France and Germany will soon form triple al
lance to check it. This prophecy seems to be
chiefly valuable for the embarrassed imagnativeness
il displays
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1904-04-21

By raising the tariff on all oils intended for ex
port from the modest sum of three kopeks Der
pood to ten the Russian government sees a wav of
greasing the wheels Of the war gods car, SO as to
make move without undue friction as the other fe
low then pays for the greasing At least that is the
way Russia figures it.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1904-04-21

II the thug who killed himself at Hanford to eyade
the officers proves to be Fahey the Folsom escape he
has gone on record as doing at least one good act
in his life, that of relieving the people of the cost
and trouble of his taking off.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1904-04-21

The largest electrical switchboard In
the world. from which will be operat-
ed the enormous power for the expo
sition win be In the Palace OF Ma.
ehinery at Sc. Louis.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1904-04-21

oregon's state building at the
worlds fair Is u reproduction OF old
Fort Clatsop. log structure built
from Oregon timber and adjoined by
Il large corral formed by upright
cedar posts.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1904-04-21

Nine cars OF exhibits from the re-
public Of Mexico have already arrived
at st. Louis where the worlds fall
Commissioners preceded them.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1904-04-21

Idaho apples, kept during the win
ter In cold storage, are the star pro-
ducts of that states fruit offerings In
the Palace OF Horticulture az the
worlds fair, Idaho fruit growers
claim that they have Ben Davis ap-
pies as firm as wlnesaps and possess
ing a flavor that IL unknown 10 the
same variety raised In the east.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1904-04-21

The Democratic dissdents said it was not the Gus
tom to caucus till the night before the convention
but nice customs courtesy to great Kings county.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1904-04-21
World. Fair Netss.

Miss Ella Barrett OF solomon. Kans.
win exhibit At the worlds fair table
cloth valued 1T $500.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1904-04-21

It's too bad about Hobson. But perhaps his on.
ponent, Bankhead, stole his tactics and kissed bis
way through, "way down in Alabam."
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1904-04-21

Steam was turned into the cylinders
of the big Allis-Chalmers engine ut
the worlds fair for the first time a
few days ago and the largest engine
In the world was set In motion. It's
speed IL rs revolutions a minute and
It's generating force 5000 horse power
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1904-04-21

A clock 800 years old and construct
ed entirely OF wood win be shown a,
the worlds fair.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1904-04-21
Through tickets to and from all prIn.
clpal European cities.
G. w. ROBERTS, Agent,
Astoria, Ore.

Steamer Nahcotta leaves Astoria on
tide daily except Sunday for Ilwaco,
connecting there with trains for Long
Beach, Tioga and North Beach points.
Returning arrives at Astoria same
eveaing.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1904-04-21
ssund@ only

ssunday only
Al trains make close connections ~
leafse with al NsrthaFn Pacific tnain4
10 and from the East and Sound points
q. G. Maya.
General FEssRht and Pass. Agent.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1904-04-21

For San Francisco every five days.
The Marietta journal. [volume] (Marietta, Ga.) 1866-1909, 1904-10-13
Paragraphs.

Optimism does not mean hav-
ing no thought of the future.
Some brands of fertilizer are
guaranteed to raise the mortgage.
Very few people know how to
accept a favor gracefully.
Man is always in a bad way
when he has everything his own
way.
The true measure of the length
of life is the amount of good ac-
compJishments in it.
Every interesting woman is a
spoiled child. The rose must know
that it is lovely.
There are men with bad char
acters who have managed to ac-
quire good regulations.
Some men can say more with a
handshake than other men can
say in an hours speech.
The true Christian gives until it
hurts, and then keeps on giving
until it quits hurting.
At finding it's way home cat
has q borrowed umbrella skinned
I'd death.
The dyspeptic may not be afraid
of animals, but he balks at Welsh
rabbit.
The Marietta journal. [volume] (Marietta, Ga.) 1866-1909, 1904-10-13
CAN YOU EAT?

j. B. Taylor, prominent merchant
of Chriesman, Tex, says: II could not
eat because Of weak stomach. / lost
all strength and ran down in weight.
All that money could do was done, but
all hope of recovery vanished. Hearing
OF some wonderful cures effected by use
of Kodol Dyspepsia Cure, I concluded
to try it. The first bottle benefited
me, and, after taking four bottles, am
fully restored to, my usual strength,
weight and health" Kodol Dyspepsia
Cure digests what you eat and cures.
Sold by 9. M. Crosby & Co.
The Marietta journal. [volume] (Marietta, Ga.) 1866-1909, 1904-10-13
PeriIs of Land and Sea.
Captain Willnef's Remarkable Escane
Shows What to do in Time of
Trouble.

For many years Captain Willnef, says
the Times, of Gloucester, Mass, was
one OF the best known seamen in the
Gloucester Fleet. The sea and its dan
gers had no terror for HIM, but the ca
tarrhai troubles with which he suffered
for fifteen years made him dread the
nights at sea, for he had to walk the
cabin floor, being unable to lie down
and steep on account of the constant
catarrhal dripping.
Captain Willnef went to twodifferent
hospitals for treatment but could get no
lasting benefit, He constantly raised
yellow and green phlegm and his trouble
became so unbearabla and nauseating
that he was ashamed to go out in COM
pany When despairing of ever getting
relief, his wife purchased a Hyomei
outfit for him, and trying it before go
ing to bed, he enjoyed the first whole
nights sleep for ten years. Captain
Willnef says, II have used less than
two bottles of Hyomei and have been
cured by the remedy. My friends ask
me what is responsible for my improve
ment, and | tell them Hyomei, which
has given me full and complete recov-
cry
Captain Willnef's experience. shows
our readers what to do in time of catar-
rhal trouble-use Hyomei. This re-
markable treatment kills the germs of
catarrh and makes lasting and perma-
nent cures. c. NJ. Crosby & Co., sell
Hyomei under their personal guarantee
to refund the money if it does not give
quick relief.
The Marietta journal. [volume] (Marietta, Ga.) 1866-1909, 1904-10-13
WITHOUT COST
To YOII
To Ynu-

In order that our readers may be
thoroughly convinced of the curative
powers of the magical, relieving, and
healing remedy, Paracamph, we are
pleased to say that if you will fill out
the coupon below and mail to The Para
camph Company to-day they will give
you full-size bottle free.
If you suffer FROM Rheumatism, Neu-
ralgia, Sore Joints, Sore Feet, Eczema,
letter, Catarrh, Sore Throat, Hay Fever,
Asthma, Piles etching or bleeding), or
any form of wound such as Burn, Cut,
Bruise, Old Sore, Swelling or IuAar1-
nation, fill out the coupon below and
mail at once to The Paracamph Corr
pany, Louisville, KY. Don't hesitate, as
this places you under no obligations
whatever.