Evening bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1895-1912, 1904-06-20

American ambassador. and told him
my story. but he didn't help me worth
n cent. He advised me to go home at
once, and said that there wasn't any
opening for dealer In thrones in Yur-
rup. He told me that perhaps might
manage to get an order or two from
the African kings, and that no Yurrup.
can monarch would dare to order a
throne from an American. for fear OF
being thought unpatriotic. | took his
talk for what Il was worth. All he
wanted was to get rid OF me. He didn't
happen to know that the Senator from
his own state is particular friend Of
mine. It's my idea that after I get
home that ambassador will hear some.
thing that he won't much like.
After that | gave up England as a
place for trade. and went straight to
Berlin. where the ambassador, know.
ing that was leading citizen of osh.
kosh. presented me to the Emperor.
found william first.class good fellow.
though he lacks enterprise, like all the
rest of the kings. | told him about my
model of throne for him, and he
made an appointment with me to show
II to him the next day. So | went to
my hotel and polished up the gilt work
and so on. and took II round to the En-.
pcror at the appointed time. II was
just the sort of throne he needed.
There was a big arm chair for him to
sit In, and rack behind II where he
could hang up his crown and sceptre
when he happened to he alone for a
few minutes. There were drawers in
the throne where he could keep paper
and ink, and telegraph forms, aud a tel
ephOne instrument all ready to be con.
nected with the public wires. Then
there was a cupboard with painting
materials. In case the Emperor should
suddenly want to paint a picture. and
there was violin and an accordion. in
case he should want to make little
music. And underneath the throne
was h shelf, with glasses and stone
jugs. and reservoir, holding twenty
gallons of beer, that he could draw by
pressing n button whenever he might
want to be little friendly with visit.
ing king, or an ambassador, or a min.
lister.
THE Emperor looked the throne all
through. and said that II was wonder.
full invention. and that he would give a
good deal IL he could use 1t. Only.
says he, the trouble Is that must use
the throne Of my sainted grandfather
II didn't. II would look very incon.
sistent with the remarks l sometimes
make about him.
Your grandfather was all right.
Your Majesty says I, but he's back
number now. What you need is an up.
to-date throne, and here you've got It.
Give me an order, and I'll have q
throne here for You in four weeks
time.
But couldn't get an order out of
him. That grandfather OF his always
blocked the way.
"lie said goodday to me- Just as po-
lite as you please. but when | called
again at the palace, which / did every
day for the next four days. he always
sent down word that he wasn't at
home. and the last day a policeman
told me that II ! showed myself In the
palace yard again he would lock me
up. So gave up Berlin as bad job.
and went to Russia. to try II I could
get an order from the Gar.
II had a throne that I knew would
meet the wants OF Russian Emperor.
1t was built on the principle OF our
American desks that have a place for
a typewriting machine that let's you
lower the machine into the interior of
the desk when 1t isn't In use. This
Russian throne was built OF Harvey
lied steel. and couldn't be penetrated
by any rife that has yet been made.
The Emperor could sit In chair on
this throne quite comfortable, until
somebody should begin to shoot at
him. Then all he had to do was to
press a spring, and his chair would
sink down into the throne, and steel
trapdoor would close over him, and
there he would be safe and sound, no
matter how long the assassins might
keep on shooting. There were other
points about this particular throne, but
have given you the central idea about
1t. ! had a big ,i2calibre revolver In
the throne, that l meant to experiment
with, by showing the Emperor how
completely the steel would resist the
bullets, but | calculate made a mis-
take In not hiding the revolver when
came to cross the Russian frontier.
Anyhow, when the custom house Off
cers found II, they arrested me, and
confiscated the model of the throne,
swearing that It was an Internal ma
chine for blowing up the Gear. They
kept me in Jail for nearly a week.
and then the American ambassador got
me released, on condition that would
leave Russia at once, and never enter
II again.
Il said to myself that would try
one more king, and that II made a
fatIura with him ia nuit tha throne