The Savannah morning news., 1904-06-15
The ro,Ii.h pictienary.

The annual Spring freshet of books
has poured upon the slanguid and
somewhat parchea public a great
l many showers of pVrflmed water, not
the ffattest of whiNh Is THE Fool
| ish Dictionary" a something or other
done to finish by one Gideon Wurdz
| Fellow of the Royal Glbe Society," and
other equally irrational organizations,
says the Chicago Ipteroeean.
Whether Mr.. Wud2z himself is a
| living pun matters little, for the
things he has done with words would
set his more dignifieo prototypes
| Messrs. Webster and Worcester de-
spairing. Mr.. Wurdz begins well by
dedicating his book to his Cog, who
first heard the lines and don't run
away mad" On the first page he
pitches in like this:
-Absinthe-From two Latin woods
alb. and sinistrum, meaning ito the
| bad" If you doubt IL, try one. Tod
adage, "Absinthe makes the jag last
longer'). 4
Adamant-From Adams aunt, reput-
ed to be a hard character. Hence,
anything tough or hard.
Advlce-A commodity peddled by
your lawyer and given away by your
mother-in-law, but impossible to dis
pose of yourself Famous as the one
thing which 1T is More blessed to give
than receive" Good eadvice--Sone thing
old men give young men when they
can no longer give them a bad exam
pie.
Afterthought-A tardy, sense of pru-
dence that prompts a man to try to
shut his mouth about the time he has
put his foot I'M it,
Sometimes Mr.. WurdZ gets so fun
ny that he has to stop and take a
Ipr ruh tn IaiFlacalf a y1rI1ila ha
gets real philosophical and tells heart
breaking tale betwixt the lines. AS in
this:
Angela heavenly ineligible, with
wings and harpS or, an earthly eligi-
sble. with money and a heart.
The photographer, who ought to
carry scar for this, says of appendi-
citis:
A modern pain costing about 5000
more than the old-fashioned stomach
ache.
But that isn't so near the point as
these:
Automobilist-A landlubber on
wheels made up to resemble a deep
sea diver.
Barber-A brilliant conversatiohalist,
who occasionally shaves and cuts hair
synonym for photograph.
Beach-A strip of sand skirted by
WATER CORtIGu Wall ldQS Gil
summer life-savers in winter, and
used as a haven-or heaven-for
smacks the wear round.
The author is prone to choose those
words which relate to the domestic
economy. OF course, as he confesses,
it were impossible for him to take
everything he found in Webster's
great volume. He has done the next
best thing. Here are a few more
A., ,IN1A Tod Acyaf-
ment that makes women look. shorter
and men longer. ,4E.e
Bigamy-A form of insanity, in which
man insists on paying three board
bills instead of two.
Golf, says the dictionary, is an ex-
cuse for carrying concealed weapons
and a Scotch breath. A hammer, it
adds, is a small busy implement car
ried by blacksmiths biologists, and
| knockers for breaking iron, rock or
friendship.
Not content with giving the modern
meanings to good old names. Mr..
Wurdz, oh, that name-must slip in
few up-to-date epigrams.
Home" he says is where the mort
gage is.
Aim at a chorus girl" he writes,
land you may hit a star."
And here are a few more revisions:
People VINO i've III glass uOuScS
should dress in the dark.
Fine feathers make fine feather
beds.
A word to the wise is useless. ..
A bird on the plate is worth two
on the bonnet 5'' 1pE T1
Money makes the mayor go.
fool and his wife are soon part
ed.
Time and tide wait for no man
but time stands still for woman of
80
Handsome is what handsome charge.
A miss is as good as her smile
Fortune knocks only once at a mans
door-and she's the worst knocker in
the world.