Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1904-08-06

"Well, we want you to join us. We've
got one old baldheaded, bow legged
lobster with us, and he's lonesome and
wants company. If you will join
do you know who you are talking
tor demanded Mr.. Bowser as his heels
lifted off the floor.
"It's old Bowser, isn't 1.-THE sole
and original inventor of the Bowser
spring tonic? Don't get the end Of
your nose into the tube so far. Are you
bulldozing Mrs. Bowser tonight, as
usualw
"I'll hunt you down and knock your
blamed head off for that!' shouted Mr..
Bowser as he hung up the receiver
and danced around.
Il was afraid certain people would
take advantage of the OCCASION said
Mrs. Bowser, "but you mustn't be put
out over it,
How dare they talk that way to me
to me-to BowserY' he exclaimed as
he walked around in great perturba-
ton. by the living lingo, Mrs. Bow
ser, If l have got to put up with such
insults as these I'll sue the telephone
company for million dollars damages!
You may sit there and advise me not
to be put out about it, but how would
you feel to be called a baldheaded,
bow legged lobster?"
ssIt is the work of two or three smart
Alexis, and if you don't get mad over
it,
The ringing of the bell interrupted
her sentence, and after hesitating for
a few seconds Mr. Bowser answered it,
Then sweet voice inquired:
''Is this Mr.. Bowser's house?"
t'Yes'm."
''The Bowser we read of in the pa
pers?"
eyes"
"Am 1 talking to Mr.. Bowser him
self"
"You are"
II am so glad. This is Mrs. Bays
field Of Vernon avenue Do you catch
the nameY
'Oh, yes-Mrs. Baysfeld Of Vernon
avenue. Did you wish to speak with
Mrs. BowserY
"Not just now, though I may talk
with her later. was married to Mr..
Baysfield six months ago."
Il see."
"And he was just such man as you
are. was young and tender and didn't
seem to have any will of my own, and
he set out to mold me to his. He jawed
about the household expenses; he
charged me with extravaganza; his way
was to nag and domineer, and if ex-
pressed an opinion he was ready to
combat 1t. Yes, he was like you, and
Woman, are you talking to mey'
shouted Mr.. Bowser into the trans
mitter in tones that made Mrs. Bow
ser and the cat jump.
''Of course If we sat down to
friendly game Of euchre and I beat
him, which always did, he got red
in the face and pounded on the table
and
What does all this mean?" yelled
Mr.. Bowser.
why, set out to tell you that
II don't care hang what you set
out to tell me! It's bold, brassy
thing on your part to call me up and
talk as you talk. must say you are
no ladyw
"But wait and let me tell you. AS
said, my husband was a regular
Bowser for three months, and I gave
him rope to see how far he would
go. When he had reached the limit
took a crowbar and knocked him
down, and then, standing on his pros
trate body, r.
''That settles itv' said Mr.. Bowser
as he hung up the receiver.
'''How do you meanY' asked Mrs.
Bowser.
'This telephone goes out Of the
house tomorrow
NOW, don't be childish. Three or
four people have set out to have q
little fun with you this evening, but
there will be only three or FOUR
"But how dare they try to have fun
with me? Do look like funny man?
Do look as if people could abuse and
humiliate me? BY thunder, Mrs. Bow
SER
But the bell rang again, and down
in her soul Mrs. Bowser realized that
the end had come.
"Well?" queried Mr.. Bowser.
s'This is Johnson"
eyes"
'They were telling me down at the
Bowlers club today that you were
using buttermilk poultices on your
head to make the hair grow / wanted
to ask your
Mr. Bowser uttered series of
whoops and then grabbed the tele-
phone box and tugged and heaved and
wrenched, and a moment later he had
torn it from the wall and was holding
it aloft in his hands. Mrs. Dowser
fed through one door and the cat
through another, and it was midnight
before Mrs. Bowser was awakened by
some one moving about the bedroom
and muttering to himself:
ssButtermiK pOultices to make INV