Virginia citizen. (Irvington, Va.) 1891-1921, 1904-06-03
HE EXPLAINS HIS ABSENCE.

Wtllldm sanger, SnerlU OF Ar0lm,
Tex, who married the lady post
master of the now famous "hats of
or no mail" order, and left for Wash
ington on his honeymoon more than
a month ago, has returned to his
home in the Lone Star State and
intends to stay there, for the present
at least. Just why he gave up his
expressed intention of paying a visit
to Fourth Assistant Postmaster Gen
eral Bristow and putting up with
him for week or so be explains in
a letter received at the postof1ice de-
partment the other day. This is
what Mr.. Sanger has to say about his
troubles:
"Dear Friend Bristow-Tm sure
feeling small and picayunish these
days-me being accustomed to keep
ing my word; but you, being a mar
ried man, can understand that it
amt always possible to pick your
own trail and romp along frisky and
uncariDg when there's woman
yoked up with you. That's the way
it was with me.
"We left town all right after the
boys gave us a send-off, and logged
along gradual and aim!ess-the same
being considered right and proper
under the circumstances-till we
come to New Orleans. Of course ]
amt excusing myself none to speak
of, but we sure did like that place,
and we fooled around there till one
day Mrs. Sanger-the same which is
the lady postmaster-says to me, right
serious and concerned; Bill, let's
dust. You amt no giddy millionaire,
and if we hit the trail much longer
in the direction we been going, when
it comes TIME to turn around we'll
sure have to jog home in short hikes
and camp frequent, so as to ease our
feet
"And when took stock / sure did
feel little and onery-me realizing
the truth of her remarks. We sure
had our troubles after we got back
home. When we set out from New
Orleans for our shack we agreed not
to let on about not getting up to see
You. previous to going me having
been some free and open in my con-
versation about what we was intend
ing to do-and we was lying real
ornamental and coming along fine
when one day the mayor-which
amt been none too friendly since
took up with the lady postmaster
says to me:
"'Bill, was the President good to
you?'
"'Good to me?' i says. plumb dis
gusted. Don't you suppose the
President has got something else to
do besides being good to an onery
cowpuncher and greaser chaser like
me? You get that loco weed out of
your system and don't ask such fool
questions
"The mayor he looked at me sharp
and ne says, quiet and calm, like he
does when he thinks he amt feeling
that way:
"'Course you saw the President,
Bill. You wouldn't go to Washing
ton without seeing him.
"'Oh,' says, lying some plenti-
ful and ornate, Il went up to see him.
but he was mighty busy and l got
tired waiting
"Then the mayor he jumps up and
howls gleeful and ribald, and the
rest of the boys they follow suit.
"Blll, says the mayor, hopping
around some undignitied, you're a
good liar, but you amt good enough
to rope this bunch of longhorns. You
amt been to Washington at all.
"Well, l saw it wasn't no use to
stretch my tongue superfuous and
unnecessary and / grinned sheepish
and gives in. And then / says to
the mayor
'Juat tell me how you know?'
"Well, after the boys had resumed
their guns, and Sam-which is the
the barkeep-had busted the plaster
OFF the counter and set out the drinks
the same being on me, the mayor he
chuckled some more and he saws:
Bill you're plumb ignorant and
you need a guardian. Why don'I
you read the papers some? / suspi.
cioned when you says you hadn't
seen the President that YOU were
sure lying hard and desperate about
this Washington trip, and ! was
plumb convinced when you said that
about waiting at the White House.
There amt no cow-puncher or simi-
lar specimen that ever went 10 Wash.
lngton what had TO wait more than
live minutes before the President
sashayed out and went for him, and
usual they sleep at the White House
and take their meals with the family.
Ii you and your lady had showed up
In them parts you sure would have
been treated that way.'
"'What does he do it for?' | asks.
plumb unbelievIng and mystiiled.
He sure amt got no call up there
for friends what can handle their
armament speedy and accurate
Well says the mayor, sort of
stumped, which was told by the
critical way he tasted his liquor-he
not being particular in his brand
4 amt worked that out yet. You
and me sure amt ornamental Ia