The Hawaiian gazette., 1904-09-09
HOW A SAKlED SAILOR
FAILED TO SEE KILAUEA|
Drank japanese Infant Food on His Way to
the Volcano and Knew Nothing Of the
Sights lie Saw.

slapping their thighs and heard em
howl. and the rest of 1t is all a hashed
nightmare.
II only fnow what happened by
hearsay. They all told me. YOU can
gamble on that. They were telling me
until the hour I wound UP that cruise.
1T seems that when the saki got me
! climbed out on to the seat with the
driver and told him that he could sit
on the back step for hls-that / was
going to do the driving. He couldn't
see 1t. but before he found II necessary
| to argue the point with me l fell off
the seat on to the bowlder-strewn road.
THE procession came to a halt, and
/ was dumped back into my place in
/ the leading coach, where promptly
nailed quart No. of the japanese in
| FAINT food and got outside of ii. Then
1 made my seven shipmates a melan-
choly speech, in the progress of which
l informed them that two minutes pre-
viously had received cal BILE dispat ch
stating that three aunts of mine that
I'd never had in San Francisco had
been burned to death In IA gasoline eX-
plosion, and that they'd bequeathed
and devised unto me- their favorite
nephew, their entire joint estate, a
mere bag o. shells, consisting of some
three billions of yen
II wound this speech up rather sud-
denly by climbing out through wins
dow to the roof of the stage and es-
saying to walk on my hands over the
stage roof, while the coach was moving
along at full career on an incline of As
degrees. | didn't get by with this
acrobatic feat, 1t seems, and only es-
capped a violent death by being yanked
back into the coach in the nick of
time. an instant before the stage turn
ed sharp curve.
THE rest of the ride up doesn't mat
ter. / insisted on riding on the back
of the rear off horse it seems, fox n
great part of the distance, and they
told me that / only fell off and got run
over once in while. | don't know.
"The stages reached the Volcano
House. which is almost on the edge of
the Burning Lake of Kilauea, along
toward o'clock in the afternoon, but
never saw it. and I've yet to see it,
By that time | had finished all of the
baby food, and when the stage that
was carrying me pulled up in front of
Peter Lees hosiery l was solemnly
inviting any man on the coach to
match dollars with me for the possess
sion of the entire Hawaiian group, or,
If they didn't care for that method of
determining the ownership of the Is
lands, to engage in teeth encounters
with me for the same, all parties to
the contest to hold their arms rigldly
at their sides and just bite.
when on dismounting from the
stage. I first clapped one eye on Peter
Lee, I hailed him, with checking sobs.
as a sister of mine that I hadn't seen
In eighty-four years-and then 1t was
ME for little white bed, while the
rest of the bunch, none of them worse
off than a little bit chesty and biddy
from their swipes, separated into
punches and took in the Burning Lake
of Kilauea from every point of view.
SLEPT BY THE SULPHUR PIT.
II don't know how / ever got out of
that room, but the next morning they
found me lying at the mouth of sui
phur pit that was working. ! had all
of my clothes on, and / was sound "a
sleep.
me, and for about one-eighteenth of
second | came to. Then, unfortunate
ly I just joggled my head from side
to side, and there l was, sakied all
over again. Saki's cheap bun by
the way-all you've got to do when
you wake up after a souse of it is to
wink, and there you are, jagged all
over again.
That's how I didn't see the Burning
Lake of Kilauea or any part of 1t. on
the down trip that afternoon 1t was
mine for a nice little pallet on the deck
of the stage, although / don't remem-
Der even that end of it. / came to in
room of a Hilo hotel, with four of
my shipmates prodding me.
II felt as If I'd been through n cop
per mine cave-in-my mouth felt par
ticularly coppery-and my hair was
dyed cute apple green from my SUM
Der alongside the sulphur pit,
when / was able to get into my
clothes l got two gnarled clubs and
went after that barkeep of Lycurgus'
who had told me about what nice
article saki was for thirst-quenching
purposes, but somebody tipped him Off
that | was on his trail and he took
to the foothills and stayed there un-
der cover until our ship pulled out of
Hilo Harbor for Honolulu"