Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1904-07-05

rs he htterateurT ooh, dear no.
Why. he's able to sell the stun he
writes. Chicago Evening Post
Woman lat telephone)-I want my
husband, quick. Girl-What number.
please1 why, the third. you impu-
dent thing"
he comes Of distinguished fam
lily, believe" YES His people have
worn glasses for three generations"
Exchange
Ihere isn't very much to eat" said
the Eskimo hostess, as she handed a
candle to each guest; "just light re-
freshments. "-Exchange.
Whatever are you children doinSY'
"oh, We've found pas false teeth, and
we're trying to fit them to the baby,
COS he hasn't got anyg'-Punch
His Little Son-Pa, what Is A geol.
ogist? Mr. Purseproud--A geologist,
nay son, is person who is interested
In the wrong kind of rocks-Puck.
Madge-Physical culture is Just
splendid. I'm taking beauty exer-
cises. Marjorie-You haven't been
taking them long, have you?-Judge.
She-I am very sorry. but circum.
stances over which l have no control
make me refuse to be your wife. He
What are they? She-Yours.-Ex-
change
why does Amelia hate Cholly sof"
why, when she told him she could
never learn to love him. he insisted
that one was never too old to learn"
Puck
The Teaeher-Can any of you tell
me for what purposes the Panama
canal Is to be used? Little George
Grafton-Sure. Campaign purposesl--
Exchange.
Mamma, teacher whipped boy to-
day for whispering in school," "WeH,
that was right" "But, mamma, he
hollered ten times as loud as he whis-
pered. "-Exchange.
Friend-If your washerwomau
charges by the piece. IT must be rather
expensive. Young Housekeeper-Oh
no. She loses so many things that her
bills are never high.-New York
Weekly.
Henpec6-A letter came for me this
morning, and l opened II. Jenkins
Well? Henpeck-Weu, l say opened
1t myself. 1t happened that my wife
hadn't come downstairs yet.-PhiladeI-
phia Ledger.
Hannigan-Shure, these scales is no
good at all for me. They only weigh
the belt O. 200 pounds, an Orm near to-
$50. Flannigan-Well. man alive,
can't We get on them twice? -Phila-
delphia Press.
Riter-I'm a shorthand reporter
now Scribbles-I didn't know you I'M
derstood stenography. Riter-I don't,
but the city editor is only employing
me at present because he was short
Observation-Disclosures Ledger
Magistrate you take this man
to be your lawful husband, love, honor
and obey him? Miranda-Look hyar,
jedge, I'll gree to wash an iron fer
dis niger, but amt gwlne ter low
him ter boss me.-Butte Inter-Moun,
tain
MY dear" said Ardupp, 81 have
made little preparation for your fu-
ture, Had my life insured for $4,000
to-day" ''Oh, how thoughtful of you,
John!' exclaimed Mrs. A. "And can I
get the money right away ?'-Chicago
News.
Consider the porous plaster, my
son" remarked the philosopher, "and
don't get discouraged. Everybody
turns his back on it, yet It hangs on
and eventually achieves success by
close application" = Chicago Daily
News.
II want to ask one more question"
said little Frank as he was being put
to bed. "Well?" acquiesced the tired
woman. when the holes come In
stockings, what becomes of the piece
of stocking that was there before the
hole Gamer"
Willie" said his mother 81 wish
you would run across the street and
see how old Mrs. Brown is this morn
ing?" A few minutes later Willie re-
turned and reported, Mrs Brown says
it's none of your business how old she
is. ''r-Detroit News.
Visitor-What a racket the steam
makes clanking through the pipes!
Flat Dweller (shiveringly)-"Ye 1t
reminds me of one of Shakespeare's
plays. Visitor-Which--"T Tenn
pest?" Flat Dweller-No. much Ado
About Nothing. "-Town and Country.
One of the Requisites dunno
but what Josh 'ud make one o. these
here literary folks" said Farmer Corn
tossel. what makes you think soY'
asked his wife. Every time he gets
his photograph took he looks so kind
o. faraway an foolish Washington
gtar
Bill-Oh, yes, he's great on etiquette.
Jill--Is that right? "Sure! Why, he
was telling me only yesterday that If
man is smoking while walking down
the street with lady, the cigar should
always be in the side of the mouth
furthest removed from the ladyr'--
Yonkers Statesman.
A charitable young Lady, visiting a
sick woman, inquired. with a view to
further relief, as to her family. She
asked: "Is your husband kind to you?'
ooh, yes, MISS" was the instant re-
Spouse, hes kind--very kind In
deed. you might say he's more like
friend than a husband. Brooklyn
Life.
A Better Record-Book.
The shrewd comment Of Lam
nnahirn hInckarnifh uhnsa wits had