Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1904-09-16
TRlBULATI0NS OF A .
GRANDFATHER.
III.
EIkins. w. Va. Sept. 2. /,

Elkins, w. Va, Sept. 2. g
Dear Sonny-Had to have breakfast
bed this mornin' all ON account Of a D.
little Stevey Elkins put up on me. Hi
grandchildren gave what they called az
Rough Rider German to the Republi-
cans of Randolph County and got me to
lead it in the suit / wore when sOId
Hickory" licked the British at New Or
leans in 1915.
You ought to have seen the what-you.
call them fayors-saddles. brides, boots,
spurs, ridin' gauntlets, guns and pistols
enough to arm a cavalry regiment on
trainin day. Then they fitted me up
with all the fxin's OF a Colonel Of the
Rough Riders, mounted me on a fiery I'M
tanned hobby horse named Bucephalus
and sent me prancin' up and down the
line Of shoutin' kids with fiddles playin'
Garry and Steve Elkins yellin'
like a Comanche Indian.
For about FIVE minutes was II. Grim
yisaged Dick caperin' in my lady's cham
Der in all the pomp and circumstance Of
glorious war wasn't in it with melville
my breath held ont Suddenly, ouch my
legs went back on me, the room turned
turtle. as they say in the navy. and the
hVAh tAiAiS sObi lDAiS iltuAs hbtH nc
was in bed with hot bottles all around
him and the doctor feedin' him whisky
with a spoon.
They say man has more than 200
bones in his body. and | know it. for
I've an ache in every one of them
But the bodily pains amt the worst
that came Of my leadin' that Rough
Rider German. Between the over-exer-
nj h;.I,.- 7 h,J A. 4
est nights sleep you ever knew | dream
ed dream worse than Nebuchadnezzar.
1t seemed like was visitin you at Rose
mount. We had spent the eve'ing tryin'
unsuccessfully to find some issue that
hadn't been firmly and irrevoca bly," set
tied right by the Republicans. and you
proposed that we should go out am cool
our fevered brows on the pier in the
moonlight.
was just beginnin' to quote poetry
from n. p. Willis aboat the soft light
that breaks across the lakes when you
whispered, 'Sh. Look. BY Dave Hill,
if there amt gold fish," / looked but
couldn't see anything bnt fresh water
sucker giving forth putrescent glow as
he foated by.
Before | could interfere, you shouted,
"I'll catch him." and plunged headlsng
into the murky tide.
That was the last saw of you For
hours stood rooted to that spot, peerin'
into the watery depths. You never came
up. Only bubbles. and still more bubbles.
just like your speech of acceptance.
At last | pulled myself together and
yelled for help. Dave Hill was the first
to appear upon the scene. | see him now
wearin' a red night cap on his head and
the destinies of the Democracy in the
hollow OF his hand
Boys said Dave. as soon as he took
in the situation and summoned the Ex-
ecutiye Committee. boys. this is seri-
Gus occasion. We've got to get a new
figure head for the ticketp'
What's that?' says l. whats the
matter with your Uncle Henry? What
becomes of the duties and powers de-
volvin on me under the Constitution in
case of the removal. death, resignation
or ina bility of the President p
You should have seen the look of pity
that came into that good mans eyes.
Mind you. it was all dream. | will
never again believe that he never knew
the touch of love. nor maidens hand in
his'n. "Nunky," says he, "Nunky, go
home and go to bed! The Constitution
refers to Vice President You are
not elected yet. and it's long shot that
you won't be. II there had been any
chance of that I'd have headed the ticket
myself"
Before | could demonstrate he waived
me aside. saying, Go home, Nunky, and
tend to your business signing checks"
That made me so mad | woke up.
That's what one gets for leadin' germans
at eighty-one.
Your affectonate uncle,
HENRY GASSAWAY.