West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1904-03-17
Meets Father Bill Schaeffer Who
Moves Him to Tears.

Meets Father Bill Schaeffer Who
Moves Him to Tears.
An indefnablable feeling seems
to exist that we are having an cpl
demic of politics in Preston county.
The thing has become so contagi-
Gus that it has broken out in the
newspapers. Every man who can
make his mark is rushing into print
to boom his favoritc and court fame.
Letters from all over the county are
crowding in on me to call and see
them and apply my magic touch
that they may in the end be crown
ed with success. They have come
to believe that one word from me
in their behalf will cause the null
tude to bow down and worship them.
They do me too much honor. Mod
esty and truthfulness, two Of my
shining characteristics, compels me
to make this declaration. / am,
however, covering every foot of
ground / can, 10 reach the Office
hunters and console them in their
hour ofsneed. My method of loco
motion is slow, as have no donkey
or railroad pass to whirl me from
one place to another. For this
reason | am unalterably opposed to
donkeys and railroads. / have
managed, however, to cover several
miles -of ground and interviewed
several prospective candidates
within the past week.
One of my most devoted friends
is Judge Henry Clay Beatty. We
were school boys together in the
early forties and huddled together
in the log school house to keep
warm. We were authority in those
days on ramps and ginseng. The
scholarly professors to-day, with all
their science and learning, cannot
convince us that ramps is the father
of onions.
'Judge Beatty" / said, extend
ing my hand for the electrical
shock which / was about to receive,
'ft is with unspeakable pleasure
that / have jouneyed here to con-
graduate you upon your decision to
run for County Commissioner of
Portland District. The JOY OF the
people cannot be uttered or
expressed by my pencil or cold
type. You left the bench with a
reputation unsullied and returned to
the farm to turn up the sod and
reap the harvest"
''My dear Rambler" began the
Judge, his voice trembling with
emotion, "this is the happiest hour
of my life. Those who profess friend
ship for me have been telling me
that you had forgotten our log
school house happy days together
and would not call on me. They
argued with me that you were a
social lion among the four hundred
and that you manipulated the knife
and fork in conveying the viands
from the platter to the cavity which
the good Being had provided you
with. In the halcYon days.of youth
your fingers performed the functions
of the knife and fork. But your
presence here is guarantee that
you have not forgotten the friends
Of your youth. Convey to the dear
people my sincere gratitude and
tell them your Uncle Henry has bis
valise packed and ready to start to
take his seat among the select, when
the law is complied with. In my
spare moments am writing my in.
augural address, asI expect to be
elected Chief Judge by associstes.
When ] have it completed will
send il to you, for to have It deco.
sated with few bangles and bangs
which make the women so at.
tractive."
Circumstances which control my
rambling told me I must be of.
dispelled all illusory notions the
Judge may have entertained that he
would not be able to deliver his in
augural address according to law.
Ny influence among the people Of
Preston county is sufficient to elect
or hang any man within the county
The Judges election Is assured.
had feceyed petition from