The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1904-05-15
WHEN 4 MAID MARRIEs
interfering Parents precipisate Unhappy
Unions. Says Miss Hart.

he latest contribution 10 the marriage
problem comes from the pen of Lavinia
Hart {'.When Maid Marries." Dodd.
Mead & Coz. This book defines itself
as discussion of certain vital prob
lens in the home" and contains some
chapters that might be read with consid-
cradle profit by the persons concerned.
According to this author, difficulties
innumerable, though not insurnlountable.
beset the path of the maid who marries.
| While yet on the brink of matrimony,
and before she has set foot in the I'M
known country beyond, the maid finds
herself, quite probably, at cross purposes
| with her parents Only in rare instances
do they wholly approve of the man their
daughter wishes to marry, and, whether
they are right or wrong, the situation is
likely to be trying one for all con-
cerned.
To be tactful is the onIv means of
parental victory, says Miss Hart Moth
ing makes for expansion with a girls
pride and independence like an offer of
eternal devotion and fiat of her own.
But tact will succeed where command
will fail, suggestion viii go further than
argument; direction will prove better
than dictation
There are parents who do not consider
ways and means They consider only
their own wishes, and exercise the pre-
negatives which their conception of par
eIithood gives them They neither urge
their daughters nor consult them. They
merely announce the ultimatuni that
You shall not marry that man. This
method usually is attended with remorse.
Sometimes the girl runs away to marry
him anyway. Sometimes she mourns
and sickens and dies, and in some in
stances she remains an old maid all her
life and lets her parents take care of her.
So the parents ultirnatum is becoming
almost extinct, and we find the latter
day species eyincing a willingness to talk
things over.
One of the best means OF bringing
things to a climax and insaring speedy
is open opposition. Threats
and mandates and insults to her lover
excite girls sympathy for him. Nine
times out of ten the man who is forbid
den the house sees the girl outside. The
majority of their mutual friends will
take their part and make opportunities
for them. The tricks of romance appeal
to the girl. Her family array themselves
in her mind as antagonists. When this
state of affairs is reached efforts and
be they the soundest and best
mentioned, are futile. As the breach
with her family widens the bond with
her lover grows closer Many miserable
that might have been averted
have resulted from just such bonds of
exaggerated sympathy, which corne to
be habit and are mistaken by the partic-
ipants for love
Wise parents will avoid violent
means; also they will have more con-
fidence in the divining power of love and
IN the natural feminine instincts of their
daughters. Give the young folks time
and opportunity. An unworthy man
surely will betray himself, unless he be
allowed to be seen under cover of the
reaction from opposition. Give a thief
rope enough and he will hang himself
Give sutton a clear field (not failing
o keep careful though seemingly care
ess, eye upon his manoeuvres), and he
viii prove the man he is.
A girl who loves what is good and
1obie and sincere instinctiveIv will dis
,oyer the presence of faint in the cl1arac-
er OF the rnan who woos her Despite
he battered age of the axiom that
Love is blind" there are flaws iii its
ogic. lnfatuation may be blind, but love
s wide awake to the verge of insomnia
There is no eye so vigi1ant as that of
he woman who loves, no ear SO quick,
10 understanding so tuned to every sub
lie change of expression and meaning
In the case of girl who is fascinated
ather than III love. time likewise will be
Ter savior. for nothing will prove the
frall r.xrrr ,f
bundance of association
Time, then, should be the compromise
etween parents and daughters Not,
owever, time during which all COM
1rinicaticn between the two lovers
hould be cut off, whether because of
outh or poverty, or faults to which
arents take exception Such a proba-
on IS constant temptation to clandes-
ne communication. and the lovers have
ne consciousness of certain moral rights
i the matter to uphold them. If the
bJection be that they are too young,
aparat1on Will not age them more quick
I. If it be that they are afflicted with
puppy love. constant intercourse will
1onest mend it. II he be struggling for
better financial position, he will gain
more quickly for her inspiration and
If he has shortcomings
hich make him an impossible sutton,
re sure and only way to convince the
lri OF his faults is to bring her into
instant contact with them, not to re-
ove her from them.
OF the familiar problem, Who shall
: boss Miss Hart says that all men
bout TO marry swell with the conscious
ess that they were born to boss, and
lat most girls in the same situation
,nf1de to their girl friends IN strictest
that they have made I'D their
lnds to be boss" ] he attitude of the
an is a relic of prehistoric times The
titude of the girl is more often
after of self-defence. She thinks that
e must either boss or be bossed, and
looses the former.
Yet the man or woman is not yet born
no IS qualified to rule himself or her
If How, then. can any one set him
Ii to rule another?