Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1904-07-15
STORIETTES.

STORIETTES.
The late Charming Clapp, Of Boston,
was for some years after the civil war
cotton planter in the south. Mr..
Clapp had on his plantation little
boy in buttons called Sam Sam one
afternoon pointed to a bottle on his
masters bureau, and said: Mars
Charming, am dat hair oily" Mercy,
no, Sam, that's glue" said Mr.. Clapp.
81 guess dass why I can't git NAB
| cap off," said Sam, thoughtfully.
DR.. Evans. the American dentist,
who achieved such success in Paris,
once received, before he went abroad,
a letter from a young Vermonter who
wanted set Of false teeth made unu
sent him. The letter concluded: MY
mouth is three inches acrost, five
eighth inches threw the jaw. Son<s
hummocky on the edge Shaped like
boss sheu, toe forard. If you want
me to be more particular shall have
to come thar"
When Charlemange Tower, United
States minister to Germany, was on
his way to that country, he fell into
conversation with a very intelligent
lady, stranger, who told him that,
among the places she intended to
visit on her travels, was the Char
lemange Cathedral-"Charlemange
Towers, I call Them" she added.
"Then," said the diplomat, handing
her his card, when you go to Berlin
visit the one there"
At colliery, near Leeds, is shaft
with a staging around it, its height
| being considerably above the average
| of such erections in the West Riding.
| A miner had fallen off this staging to
| the ground, and on recovering con.
| seriousness, was offered a glass OF
| water by one of the men who had
picked him up. Looking at the water
in disgust and amazement, he exclaim-
! ed: s. -, hoo fur docs tina
ha' to fall at this pit afore they gives
yer brandy?"
Mr.. Takahira, the Japanese -a!--is-
ter at Washington, is on friendly
| terms with the Russian embassador,
| Count Cassini, and is careful never
to say anything that will offend hpa.
But he likes harmless pleasa1ty
once in a while Some one informal
him that President Roosevelt had ste-
cided to discontinue the trainingsh
| jiu-jitsu, and asked him if he could
| guess why. Cant imagine the rea-
son." replied the envoy; "perhaps
| Cassini objected to the lessons as
| breach of neutrality"
Here is a story that illustrates The
estimate the German citizen places
| on sauerkraut as a food staple. a Ger
man was speaking last fall about the
high price of cabbage. Il tell You
desc kabbages is awful high, dis
year." he said; me und me wife puts
! up six, seven, eight barrels OF sauer-
kraut every year-but We can't dis
year. Dem kabbages dey cost too
much" "You put up some sauer-
kraut, didn't you, Chris?" he was ask
ed. ooh, yes-two or tree barrels
just to have in de house in case OF
sickness"
Frank Everest, of Atchison, Kas.,
is a good deal of an American, having
small admiration left for foreign
lands or people. Not long ago he
went to Europe on business. During
the voyage he and other passengers
were much annoyed by Bostonian,
who talked a great deal about the
number of times he had been abroad
He laid great stress on the fact that
he went over twice year. Have
YOU ever been abroad?" he asked
Everest. Everest admitted he was
making his first trip. II go over
twice a year." said the Bostonian
"Oh do you?" replied Everest; and
he added, "Have you ever been tc
Omaha?" The Bostonian said he
hadn't. "Well," said Everest, Il &c
there twice week."
The visit of Wilhe]mina, Queen OF
Holland, to Italy recalls her life in
Florence with her mother in her girl
hood. They lived in a modest way
going out daily on foot. 1t is related
that one day they were going along
the Lung Arno, when they were &C
costed by a beggar. The Queen Re
gent wanted to push on, fearing that
her daughter might catch some fear
full disease, but the little queen, hav
ing a will of her own, insisted on
stopping. She questioned lne man in
broken italian, believing herself quite
unknown, and on proceeding gave him
half a franc. He looked from the sill
yer in his hand to her, and then back
again. and at LAST said, with an all
Of impertinence: 80 your subject:
keep you as short as that! Poo!
queen!"
In 1898, when Thomas B. Reed wa
Speaker of the House and JOSEPH
Cannon was chairman Of the Com
mittee on Appropriations both WORKED
hard to prevent war with Spain
Reed would have held his position
with regard to the war until tn
House deposed him. but Cannon fel
there was a limit. He was INFORMED
by President Mckinley one day tina
war was inevitable. so he prepared
bill appropriating fifty millions of do
lars for national defenses. The new
spread that he was to introduce tn
bnl, and Reed was dumfounded. H
met Cannon in the elevator. Joe,
asked the Speaker, in voice of tens
emotion; "tJoe.' why in hell did yo
do this thing?' Tom God Al
mighty won't stop this war, and
don't believe you can" was Mr.. Car
f. mons reply Nothing more was said