The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1904-12-11

I painted on the drop curtain lot Of
Hints on Behavior for the Audience.
Do not whistle during pianissimo move
ments. ln accompanying the Prima
Donna in her arias gentlemen with
: bassO voices viii please not hum off the
key. When you 80 out between the
Acts walk on your own feet and not
upon the feet Of persons sitting along
. side Of YOU. Box holders with shrill
/ voices viii please not converse above u
whisper save at fortissimo periods in
the music-and so on. III Mr.. COnreid
would print few suggestions like that
on his curtain in letter a foot high so
that everybody could see them / am
sure the public at large would be a
great gamer through its moral effect
upon the thOughJesS ana apparently
Indispensable individual"
AT least I agree with you after many
years of disagreement said the Biblio-
maniac. You really have lucid inter-
walls. do you not2''
"Oh, well we all have" smiled the
Idiot amiably We can't keep an oc-
casional interval from breaking loose,
and ! have distinct recolIectionis of your
having had one back in 1S93-or was il
IS, Doctor?"
"Tushr' said the Bibliomanias.
But to return 90 our discussion,
that's a thing they might do on those
wall spaces of the Subway said the
idiot. There's room enough to spread
all the rules by the observance of
which on the part of everybody riding
on the cars would be a pleasure. For
instance. instead of having a Guard
believing Step Lively there in your
ear. how much pleasanter it would be
TO read that admOnition in pretty delft
tiles artitcally arranged on the sta
ton walls. Then other suggestions
could be put in beautiful mosaic. such
as: Don't Shove; Move Forward,
Please, Plenty of Seats Up in Front:
Strap Hangers Must Not Hold Lighted
Cigars Under the Nose of the Lady
Seated in Front of Them: Keep Your
Hands In Your Own Pockets: Gentle
men Will Not and Others Must Not
Drop Peanut Shells on Other Passeng-
ers' Laps; If You Do Not Like the Air
Stop Breathing, This VIII Improve II:
Keep Your Hands Off the Guard and
Your Feet Off the Third Rail. Both Are
Loaded Children with Muddy Boots
VIII Wipe Them Upon as Few Pas
sengers as Possible: Shopping Ladies
VIII Please Not Poke Their Solid Bun
dies into the Backs Of Passengers
Standing in Front of Them; Keep the
FerTule of Your Umbrella on the
Floor, the Eye of a Fellow Passenger
is No Place for It; If in a Crowded Car
You Cannot Find a Seat Announce IN
a Loud Voice That You Have Just
Come from the Smallpox Hospital.
Where Your Mother-in-Law Is Dying
and go on. In my opinion that is
really the sort OF thing they ought TO
do with those vacant spaces. It Is
primarily the business of the Subway
TO transport the public from one point
TO another as rapidly as possible, il is
of secondary importance that they
should be transported in comfort and
the surest way to reach the latter con-
dition is TO teach people how to ride in
the Subway. My plan would bring this
about, and in my opinion in twenty
years, the effect of its operation would
be that ride underground win be-
come a positive pleasure"
And what then?" said Mr.. Brief.
Then may we use the walls for adj
vertising3"
'oh, no. said the Idiot 1T will then
be the proper thine to turn the tunnel
into an American Louvre
C'opvri0hf 1904 ny Z II IoI,,as