St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1904-04-30
BEAST OF BURDEN IN INDIA.
What Is Wrong with the Picture 2
MESSY OLD cHESTNUTS.
Following Are Some Of the Century
Old Jokes That Are Still Going
the Rounds.

Following Are Some Of the Century
Old Jokes That Are Still Going
the Rounds.
What Is regarded as the most valua
Bile collection of ancient jokes in exist
ence has just been presented to the Mis-
souri, State Historical society by w. H
Thompson, of near Columbia. Til,
%chestnuts are in 108 almanacs, one fol
each year since 1895, says the Kansa:
City Journal.
In the almanac for 1904, now just {
century old, considerable space is de.
voted to Original jokes, witty remarks
and humorous anecdotes" Here are 9
few of the very funny things in the
almanac of 1904:
"A dull Judge of the inferior courts
OF a sister State, having attended to a
variety of causes in the morning, went
to dine at a friends house with a most
excellent appetite. Among the company
was a witty barrister. The Judge, eat
ing very heartily Of a dish of salmon,
observed that he had filled himself 50
full that he needed hopping.
Your Honor is much more In want
of heading, replied the witty barrister.'
"A professor, lecturing on heat, OBJ
served that one of the most conspic-
uous properties was the power of ex-
panding all bodies. A humorous stu
dent rose in his seat and asked: is that
the reason the days in warm weather
are longer than those In cold?'"
"Mr. Hare and MI. Fox had apart
ments In the same house and each had
frequent visits from the bailihs. One
morning, as he was looking out OF his
window, Mr.. Fox saw two of them at
the door. Pray, gentlemen said he,
are you Fox hunting or are you Hare
hunting this morning?'"
Sir John Doyle, on being informed
by a traveller that he had been in a coun-
try where the bugs were so large and
powerful that two of them would drain
a mans blood in q single night, humor-
ous1y replfed:. My dear sir, We have
similar animals in Ireland, but there
we call them humbugs.'"
"A man Having been capitally con-
victed at Old Bailey was, as usual,
asked what he had to say why Judgment
of death should not be passed upon him.
Say? replied he, why, 1 think the joke
has been carried far enough already,
and the less said the better-if you
please, We will drop the subject"
'In a newly raised corps, a soldier
lately observed to his comrade, who was
an Irishman, that a corporal was to be
dismissed from his regiment. Faith and
indeed said the Irishman, I hope it is
the corporal who is so troublesome in
our company What 10 his manner re-
piled the other. Why, corporal pun
ishment, to be sure replied Pat"
"A person who could not read a syl-
liable took up a newspaper in a New
York coffee house and, holding it up
side down, pretended to peruse the ship
advertisements on the first page with
great attention. What news?' inquired
a bystander. There has been a great
storm in the West Indies replied the
reader, the vessels are all upset."
"A country squire asked a merry-an
drew why he was playing the fool.
For the same reason you do said he,
out Of want. You do itfor want Of wit,
I for want Of money
Some of the jokes, humorous remarks,
puns and witticisms which were perpe-
trated in the Western Comick Altman
ack" IN 1884 and which have not yet out
lived their usefulness are the following:
"As a broker was folding some bank
bills a wag observed: You must grow
rich fast. I perceive you readily double
your money"
"A poor country hawker, being de-
tected in the act of shooting a butcher
bird, was taken before a Justice. so,
cried the Justice, you see tit
o shoot without a license, do your
Oh, no, your Honor said the offender;
l have a license for hawking So say
ng he handed his peddler's license, and,
bird shot being a hawk, he was dis
:harged."
when Mr.. Alexander Gun was dis
from the Edinburgh Custom
House the entry made against his name
vas: "A. Gun, discharged for making a
alse report"