The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913, 1904-02-01


(Author 81 s'g4se Redemption % David Cor
cor, esc.) %
tCopyTiEhf. 1895 IS Joseph 49, Bowfes.t
AID 80, goa young engaged people
think sou can make each 0theE oSer'H
after you are married? All! Perhaps
you also think you can cure cat from
scratching, a dog from biting and d
horse from baking. You evidently
know but little ABOUT the vitality and
obstinacy Of personal characteristics.
When a young girl talks glibly about
reforming a drunkard, we old fellows,
who know life, must be pardoned if we
heave a sigh. When a young man con-
fides in us that his sweetheart is a
flirt, but that he proposes to take it
out Of her" after the wedding day, we
cannot help shaking our heads. If you
want to make any great change in
your loved one, better try it before the
wedding ceremony. 1t will certainly
be easier then than later on. Remern
Der, please, that though you do your
hair UP in curl paper every night, it
always unkinks on the following day.
The old proverb does not say-as the
wife inclines the husband bends!
Ask people who have been married
twenty-five or thirty years whether
they have ever succeeded in effecting
any great alterations in each others
character. Ninety-nin out Of a hun
dred viii answer emphatically MOI
What they have all observed is the con-
slant intensification of original char
acteristics. Or, where great changes
have come, they are not along the lines
they had marked out. The fact of the
matter is (however little to our credit
human nature resents deliberate efforts
at alteration by others. Constant and
n.aff I'd ~ 4frAv,
anger US and produce an obstinate re-
action. We can change little children.
but not 'grown-ups." 1T is hard to
teach an old dog new tricks" Let a
woman tell her husband three times a
day mot to eat with his knife" and at
the end of a month he will probably
throw his fork out of the window. Let
a woman ask her husband every time
he goes out of doors if he has brushed
his hair, and some night he will come
home with it shaved close to his head.
Too much and too oft repeated criticism
raises an evil spirit in us.
The bottom facts about the influence
of married people over each other are
these: Influence here (as everywhere)
is largely unconscious. What we really
try to do, we fail to accomplish If we
alter each other at all, it is in unex-
pected ways. and almost invariably by
example and not by criticism or sug-
gestiOn.
Did you ever happen TO notice that
the marriage ceremony saysTnot will
you make each other better or
worse, but will you take" each
other for better or for worse? There
is nothing better worth remembering
than this-that we take" each other
for what we are, and not for what we
can make" each other to become.
hrTT commandment and n
happiness can result from these nag
ging efforts to alter the characteristics
and dispositions of our husbands and
wives 1t is easy not only to drive
them into open rebellion, but to goad
ourselves into unhappiness over their
most trivial defects.
Suppose a mans wife has snub
nosei He has to put up with it, doesn't
he? Could anything be more foolish
than for him to say, Until this wo-
man gets that snub out of her nose
l will not even enjoy her pretty hair
and her beautiful teeth" You may
reply that this is a physical and ir-
remedial BILE defect, but that her bad
grammar or her carelessness about her
attire is not. Well, you may argue as
you will, your dilemma remains the
same You can either overlook a de-
feet you cannot cure and enjoy virtues
that are real and beautiful, or you
can keep nagging way at this one de-
feet until you are both of you mad,
and the happiness has all gone out of
your home.
OF course there are vices of the soul
which / do not believe we are called
upon to endure in one another. There
are even minor deficiencies of nature
against which we ought perhaps to
make a resolute stand. But these are
only the exceptions.
The rule is-take each other as you
are Overlook the imperfections that
you cannot cure. Keep your thoughts
away from them. Pass them by. There
are quiet, gentle ways of exerting a
pressure on the bad habit if you only
do not let it irritate you and make
your heart unhappy. But it is a
thousand times better to let it alone
and forget it. Just keep thinking about
all those other gooC and noble quail
tiesi
Isn't it a dreadful thing to see some
super-refned and hypercriticaI woman
allowing herself to be exasperated by
her husbands habit of picking his
teeth, to such a degree that his de-
votion, purity, unselfishness, courage
and honor are all forced into an
eclipse? The habit is a bad one-yes.
But it isn't bad enough to Justify your
riling his temper and rousing the devil
that lies buried in his heart. And it
isn't bad enough to warrant your get
ting that eXcitable spirit of yours all
perturbed. Just try and remember how
easy ii is to become critical and how
like a maggot the fault-fnding dispo-
sition grows.
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