Milford chronicle., 1904-11-04

Uncle GassaWay Takes Leave OF HIS
Alton with Some Reflections on the
Youths Propensity for Putting His
Foot in His Month.
Dear Attic:
In about two weeks the golden cord
! that has bound us will be loosed, our
goose will be cooked. our hides will be
nailed upon the White House wall and
circus posters will o5literate our por-
| traits from the board fences and barn
doors of our beloved country As run
ming mates we will be run down. Like
Humpty Dumpty our fall will be our
last, for all of Hills heclers and all of
Tammany's men viii not be able to set
US up again. Bryan will see to that.
Oh. shades of the mighty Buchanan,
Of which you remind me. you are so di-
aphanous, whatever induced you to pratt
tie about maladministration in the Phil
ippines? Didn't you know that Teddy
was loaded for bear on that issue? The
idea Of an old judicial bird of wisdom
Ike you gettin' caught repeatin' Dick
Olney's joke about the Philippines cost
in SGT0000,000. Why, an East river
shad, that don't know enough to hoe its
own roe, could have told you that was
lie.
Where, in the sacred name OF Jimmy
Buchanan did You get the notion that it
cost us 100000 lives to get hold of the
Philippine incubus? Even Bourke Cock
ran, who balks at facts like cab horse
at oats because he is so unaccuStomed
to them, never made such break as
that. Didn't you know we haven't had
half that many men in the Philippines
since Dewey entered Manila bay?
But I'm tired pumpin' sense into a
head with hole in the bottom large
enough to put No. 10 boot in. | tell
you, Alton. IL I'm ever nominated for
Vice President again it will be without
the consent Of the governed
1t would have been thousands of votes
for the Democrats il you had been at
tackled with lumpy jaw. or lock jaw or
some other insurmOuntable impediment in /
speech five minutes after sending your /
gold brick telegram. Everybody then |
said. The sphinx of Esopus" knows |
when to speak and when to shut his /
mouth.
The next thing we know you put your .
foot in it over pension order No. IS. and |
did not know enough to extract it or to |
swallow it.
Next you put your other foot into the
same capaciOus oriice chargia' extrava
gance in government expenses without
thinkin' that if there has been n dollar
wasted without Democrats votin' To
make it two, your uncle Gassaway hasn't
heard Of it.
And now, like a Quadraped with long
ears. you have PIT both hind feet in
with the afofeiAentcned about the cost
u the philippines and the shameful rot
.saaess of American rule .here. Why
,ouldn't you stick to raiia' aboue the
niquity of governin' without the consent
" tho governed, and the blessin's OF the
Constitution TO cover the naked freedom
If the Filipinos?
Didn't you know that the man who at
empts to hatch eggs lie finds in Mares
ieSts is apt to strike somethin' more
'dorous than an omelette? That's what's
struck us ever since you addressed the
AVON Beach boomers. who ought TO
year boomers. l don't believe there is
noagh musk in all Rosemount to neutral
re the oyerpowerin' efliuyia Of your care
ully prepared remarks
Vow, Alton. a long farewell to all orr ;
uIicn and brief greatness. When. after
NoT. 8, that weapon which comes down
IS still as snowfakes fall upon the sod.
nd executes a freeman's will as light .
ing does the will of God-excuse nv
reaking into poetry-when l say. that
ieapon comes down and sewers the pipe
ne that binds me to you, don't forget ,
hat Truth crushed to earth will rise ]
gan-but when it does you won't. be /
here. And should we be showed under O
eeper than Horace Greeley, let us re- ]
lember that there is nothin' like making I
record which will render US immortal {
every four years One who is about to
ie politically salutes you No more let
srs, cheques or campaign speeches from l
Your Uncle,
HENRY GASSAWAY.