The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1904-03-30
FUNNY FOR A HALF HOUR.
A Possible simson Ford Who Was
Ruined BY Hon. w C. Gnndu


Ny compliments TO Simeon Ford .,
said the head of the department In the
olnces or big railroad that runs into
Ne" ork, after he had read the inter
view with Mr.. Ford printed in the SIM
last sunday, says that New York news
paper. i got on to his scheme of being
the It OF the programme some years
1T was at Chicago. The occasion vas
the anniversary of the licking which
Andy Jackson gave the British at New
dreams There were about a dozen
speakers.
Everyone of them had some sort Of
ute, from Hon. up to Judge The audi
forum, which had been filled every
sunday with the word pictures of Da-
wa SWING, and once every season with
I Il views and measured sentences of
John L. Stoddard, was jammed.
The Hon. William c. Goudy. who
was then the attorney Of the Chicago &
northwestern railway, was the master
or ceremonies. He was one of the great
railroad lawyers in this country. but
ne mad about as much sense of humor
as the Congressional Record.
was sitting in the rear row of the
distinguished guests on the platform.
MI Goudy came to me and said that
the last speaker, a General Somebody.
VINO was down to talk on The Press.
nae sent word that he couldn't be there.
and l was asked to take his place.
It's the last thing on the pro-
gramme,' said Mr.. Goudy, and you
need not say much, as everybody VIII
be tired by that time
Rather cheerful sort of encourage
ment, but knew Cloudy and consented.
The twelve orators who preceded me
d.agrammed the plan Of the battle of
New Orleans: ran IN the killed and
wounded; scattered extracts from Andy
Jaekson's presidential message, wrapped
him in the starry flag and buried him
IN a cloud of glory. 1t was a wonder
to me that Jackson didn't get out of
his grave and go at the speakers as he
had gone at the British.
Every time a speaker finished about
a hundred people got up and left the
nail. BY the time I was introduced the
vacant chairs in the big halls could be
counted in punches. In the entire pro
gramme W to that time the word
laughter had not been written once
by the reporters.
When L arose I had a clammy SEN
sation. shut my eyes and struck out.
II had been a country editor in nv
callow months, and that was all knew
about the press. I simply recalled a
few of my experiences, which all coun-
try editors have. Not one was coIored.
They were all ghOstly, CHASTITY reaIi-
ties.
Somebody laughed out before I had
rambled five minutes. 1t was infec-
tious.
I kept on. I never stopped for the
laughs. I was too scared TO take any
chances.
Pretty soon saw people who had
left the hall coming baek. 1 happened
TO look at Cloudy and he looked unna-
turaL His face had been transformed.
He was laughing. If Goudy had had a
tear strata in his arid makeup he
would have been shedding tears of Joy,
but he wasn't constructed on that plan.
when I had done, a reporter asked
me for my picture. The next morning
the papers gave my ramble more space
than they did all CT the others put to-
gether.
"As was about TO leave the hall Mr.
GOudy came to me and said:
II didn't know there was anything
funny in you
II could not help replying: Mr. Gou-
dy, you are no judge of the article
which you mention
"a few days later Mr.. Cloudy sent for
me and said that he had been thinking
about my speech-that's what he called
it-and he wanted TO do something for
me. He offered me a place in the serv-
ice of the Chicago & Northwestern
Railway company.
They put me to figuring out time ia
bles for freight trains and similar in
spring things Now and then 1 would
meet Mr.. Cloudy. and he always looked
at me as If he thought I was going 10
say something funny; but never did
Mr.. GOudy finally died. I suppose he
had TO. In the whirlsgig 1 landed in
New York. And here 1 am drawing pay
for figures which I get up about road
beds and cut-offs and tunnels and all
that sort of thing
Sometimes I see the form of Mr..
Depew fit through the corridor and L
wonder if he knows what a crushed lily
Of humor he has passed, and il he ever
in his life was SO funny as I was for
about thirty minutes in mine. And
then I go back TO my mutton. Here's
TO Simeon FordH'