Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1904-09-06
S I'D E LIG Fl T S

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The Incubator Baby.
I'm an incubator baby.
And I'm living on the Pike
In a house that will wager
You have never seen the like
It's door Is made of crystal
And Of the same the wall,
And though 1t has chimney,
No smoke comes out at all.
For I'm a hot air baby,
And my temperature they take
Every ten or fifteen minutes,
Whether sleeping or awake.
And they feed me quite as often
An awful bore 1t seems
But they're bound to keep the breath
In me by scientific means.
You see, when arrived In town,
Twas some two months before
Most babies start to see the world,
And, therefore, it was more
Than | had strength to undertake;
And so they brought me hare
Where I can rest little while
And start out fresh and clear.
I've half dozen doctors,
And as many nurses, too.
Who hasten to supply my wants,
And they are not few;
And though I'm weak and little
only weigh four pound
You ought to see the way ! make
Those doctors stand around!
II but lift my tiny voice,
Or raise my little hand,
No king could have such quick re-
Spouse
To his most stern command.
For I'm obeyed through love, not
fear,
And pity for my plight,
Ny helplessness my armor is,
My weakness Is nv might.
It's funny when you think of 1t,
Though the fair cannot see,
Yet everybody in the fair
Is so anxious to see me-
Just tiny little baby
In the incubator stage,
Who lives in hopes that maybe
He will grow to be of age.
-:--
Dan Rode Inside.
| Colonel Daniel s. Lamont, who Is
vice president of the Northern Pacific
| railroad, encountered a smart Yankee
IN the conductor of a train on which
| he was returning to st. Paul after a
trip of inspection over the Northern
Pacific. system. To relieve the monot-
ony OF the long ride Colonel Lamont
strolled out of his private car and
good clip through a picturesque
region. While standing on the plat.
form of day coach enjoying the COO
breeze and the scenery, he was ap.
preached by the conductor who polite
~ called his attention to train rule w.
which requires passengers to say in.
side Of the car while 1t is In motion.
hope that you will excuse me, Col.
onei," said the conductor, but my in.
CARELESS Of persons. Nobody Is allow
ed to ride on the platform"
Lamont loves quiet joke, and, af
ter looking the conductor sternly in tn
eye for a few seconds, replied "Tha
Is all right conductor. AS vice presi
dent of this road I do not ask to be ex
cepted from any Of the rules, but I al
a prominent politician'-the newspa
pers have said so--and as such thin
II ought to be allowed to stand wfer
please"
Certainly, Colonel, certainly" re-
sponded the conductor with a seriou
face. But you must admit that plat
forms are only made for politicians t
get In orl--not to stand on"
A look of appreciation came into La
mont's eyes. A good cigar change
hands and Cleveland's time conf
dental adviser passed into his owl
car chuckling softly to himself.-Ney
1 York Globe.
j Contents Rather Than Appendix.
In Washington one day Senator Hoa
met an acquaintance who stopped t
inform him that very dear frien
was seriously Ill with appendiciti.
| Senator Hoar was very solicitous an
determined to write note of sym
patty at once. He had hardly finishe