The Birmingham age-herald., 1904-11-27
ON SIEGES
BY F. p. cUNNE. Copyright 1904, by Mcclure. Phillips & Go.

although if annything there was too much rel ink on it. Our host was at his best an tn mornin' was far ad- vaneed befure we reeled home. lvrv- body agrees an injyable time was had. There is no war news as tn London papers ar-re onavoidably late an our corryspondint is at tn front. Tn nex time we sind a corryspondint out with a Rooshan army, we'll sind him to tn rear where he can get some news
 An while he's gettin' tn pa-aper ready a Jap shell is lible to come through tn roof iv his office an pi both him an tn form so bad that nay ther wan iv thim can be set up again.
 No, sir, if ain't far out iv tn way, Port Arthur ain't sufferin' nearly as bad as I am about it. It wud prob'bly be tn place to spind tn winther if ys aldn't mind Twin in a fallen city-a quiet life, conjaynial people, comfort able an safe homes, little wurruk an some fightin'. It's always tn same way. I've wept me last weep over tn sufferin' iv tn beseiged. shed man. ny tears on account iv tn poor Span
  ican .soiers got into tn town they were almost suffycated be tn smell iv garlic cookin' with omelettes. raymimber how pained I was over tn disperate plight iv tn sojers an dip lomats at Picking. I rushed an army over there. They kilt Chinymen be tn thousands an in tn face iv incred- ible misstatements, fought their way to tn dures iv tn palace where their starvin' brothers were imprisoned. What did they find? They found tn diplomats in their shirt sleeves fillin packin' cases with tn underwear iv tn Chinese impror an tn spoons iv tn Chinese impress. Tn air was filled with cries iv 'Hinnery, won't you set on this thrunk? I can't get tn lid down since ye put in that hate full idol Tn English ambassadure was thryin' on a goold brocaded vest four thousand years old, tn French ambassalure was cratin' up tn i'm pror's libry an tn German embassy an gallant officers iv tn Kaiser were in tn obsarvatory pryin' off tn brass fittings iv tn tillyscopes.
 50 I'll save me tears about Port Arthur till all tn rayturns are in. I'd like to get hold iv copy iv tn Port Arthur Melojeen. 1 wondher where l cud subscribe to it. I'd bet yed find It cheerful. 'Yisterda-l was univint- ful. h. Japs threw few shells befure breakfast an thin retired. his thing has got to stop. Fridah we had dog lamed an if this occurs again we will appeal to tn authorities. Tn Eschem- oJensky band give a concert on tn public square an nanny iv tn towns people turned out to hear it. John SmithinsN was up befure Jidge Ho- ganenski on tn familyar charge. He was sentenced to twinty knots or fifty days. Main sthreet is torn up again. How long will these conditions last befure tn people iv our fair city rise in their migh. against tn corruption ists at the City Hall? Closin' quota tions on tn Port Arthur board iv thrade Caviar sixteen asked, four teen bid; candles quiet an unchanged with a fair demand fir light upland tallow.
 ".Answers to correspondints: May ski: Take half pound iv tar, q quart iv cookin' sherry, two pints iv vinegar an a pound 1v potash an ap- ply to tn face with paint brush be- lure retirin'.
 "'Arthurski Lumleyvitch: No, Ar thur, it is not considered in good form whin walkin' with lady to run whin a bomb dhrops in ye'er neigh borhood. Seize ye'er fair compan- yon be tn elbows an place her in front iv ye. Tn rule iv all p'lite cir cles is: Ladies first"
 'Timothyvich K: Jeffreys in tn sicond round.
 "'Anxious: We don't know
 Sure, Hinnissy, it's always tn same Neng. Wan iv tn sthrangest things af,aelt life is that if will go on