davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1904-01-19
HIS NAME Is AN INCUBUS.

Co1ored Man Couldn't Prosper With
His Baptisma1 Coxnomen.
An old colored man called on Judge
Rufus B. Cowing Of New York City the
other day and in asking for advice sup
piled the court with good story.
what Use gwine to inculcate, jedge,
is dis: What mus do to change nah
prognomen? When I find dat Use
weighed down VIII ali prognomen dat's
bound to kill nah trade what mus, I
doY"
'You wish to change your name ?'
inquired Judge Cowing. "And why ?''
"'Cause nah name is Failure. Yes,
sab, dat's nah name. Use ah white
washer and dat name jes' queers me. +"
every well, uncle. Why not use the
first letter of your name?' suggested
the court.
"Dat's wuss," groaned the old man.
'I'se tried dat. 1 had ah big sign
painted, "A. Failure and nah trade
left me-" .r .-
"The initial letter does make an un-
happy combination" agreed the Judge.
But I'll tell you what to do. Use
your first name and then people will
not notice the last name so much"
"Dt's der mos discimmodding of all,
sah. It's simply downright scand'lous.
Nah first name is Adam, sah."-New
York Times.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1904-01-19
Progressive Forgetfulness.

"One Of the consultations of advanc-
ing years." said a man we'll past mid
die age to a correspondent of the L.
dianapolis Journal, 'is the privilege
we take unto ourselves of jesting on
the subject with people just a few
years older.
"For instance" he continued, "last
night I took dinner with an uncle,
aged ninety years. and enjoyed it i'm
meEsely. I love to hear old men talk,
and this is my only great-uncle. Well,
my Great Uncle Elias told a good
many stories Of old times, and they
were good stories, too, but he repeat
ed himself now and then
my younger uncle, also Uncle Elias,
who was present, got trifie testy af-
ter a while, no doubt because he did
not get chance to talk quite as much
as usual, and he muttered to me:
Gracious goodness, that makes six
times Uncle Elias has told about how
he once got even with a schooltea cher
who whipped him when he was a boy.
Old men get awfully forgetful.'
That's so,' I said. This makes
three times you've said to me that
Uncle Elias has told that tale six
times.'"
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1904-01-19
HE FELT LIKE A SWINDLER.
Man Who Fooled the Doctors Re
preached by His Conscience.

Man Who Fooled the Doctors Re-
preached by His Conscience.
Here and there, along life's busy and
diversified pathways, curious reasons
for curious moods in man are some
times encountered, says the Detroit
Free Press.
Ever since I've begun to get well" !"
said a pale-looking gentleman who was
strolling along a sunny sidewalk with
q comrade, 1--WE had the blues, now
and then. Naturally, I'm very glad I'm
alive; but there are circumstances
which rather make me feel myself a
humbug-an out-and-out humbug. It's
this way, you see. All the doctors said
l could not get WE'LL positively could
not get well. OF course, that aroused
the neighborhood; everybody began to
shower me with attentions and kind
nesses. All kinds Of invalid food-de-
lightfuliy prepared-poured In upon
me; flowers and fruit came nearly ev-
cry day. The men Of our block clubbed
together and sent me beautiful Nor
ris chair; and the club fellows, down.
town, sent me loving cup, touchingly
engraved with sentiments of friend
ship. Dainty china articles for my in
valid's table were given me; and SO on
Il can't recount the half.
"Wen, gave the doctors the slip,
and here 1 am, almost well, and feel
ing that I shall soon be sounder than
ever before my illness. Now, what
gives me the blues is this: have got
these things on false pretenses. I've
fooled all these people and it makes
me sad They can't have any conf
dence Ill me hereafter. No, you can't
console me-I'm q fraud and feel like
q fraud"
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1904-01-19
800 REWARD 800.

earn that there is at least one dreaded disease
that science has been able to cure in all its
stages, and that is catarrh. Halls Catarrh Cure
is the only positive cure known to the medical
fraternity. Catarrh being a constitutional dis
ease, requires a constitutional treatment.
Halls Catarrh Cure is taken internally, acting
directly upon the blood and mucous surfaces
of the system, thereby destroying the founda-
ton of the disease. and giving the patient
Assisting az nature NJ in doing its its Wori. The pro. @
prietors have SO much faith in its curative
powers, that they offer One Hundred Dollars
Tor any case that it fails to cure. Send for list
of testimonials. Address
F.J. CHENEY d CO., Toledo a.
Sold by druggists, 75c.
Hains Family Pills are the baGt-
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1904-01-19
Lost IN AN OLD WORRYING.

Missouri Miner Nearly Meets Death In
An Abandoned Mine.
For hve days recently Tom Morrow,
q miner OF Joplin, No., was lost In
some disused chambers Of an abandon
ed mine. He was crazy when he found
his way out and his black hair had
turned gray. Morrow Is a miner with
eccentricities. and 4 month ago he told
his wife he believed he could go under
the city of Joplin by following the
drifts of abandoned shafts. She
thought it wild dream Of his and
paid no attention, but when he disap-
peared with the family lantern she
knew that he was carrying out the
idea suggested some time before. When
he had been absent day or two she
became alarmed and his friends were
informed Of his disappearance. They
were not anxious to enter the under
ground path themselves and took no
steps to find him. but waited for his
return.
Though q maniac when found, Nor
rows reason is returning, and he has
some recollection of what occurred, It
seems that during the early part of his
journey he suddenly came upon a body
OF men working. They did not see him
and he beat retreat. At another time
he came to shaft that descended
from the drift in which he was walk
Ing. Although he was already many
feet beneath the surface of the earth
he descended still further into the
ground
It was after going down into these
deep drifts that he completely lost
his bearings. In vain he searched for
the shaft through which he had en-
tered the deep passageways. He failed
to find an outlet to any of the drifts
All OF them ended abruptly in walls of
dirt and stone. How he ever escaped
from this underground tomb he does
not remember. 1t was while in these
passageways that his lantern failed
him. For four days he told the time
by striking matches and holding them
near the face of his watch. Then the
matches gave out and he lost all reck-
oning Of time.
1t battles his wife and friends to
know how he effected his escape from
the underground prison. They think
that perhaps after he had become de-
ranged an instinct came to him which
directed him in the right course
Morrow thinks that he covered dis
tance Of many miles. He came out of
a cave mile from the opening through
which he entered. "a
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1904-01-19
oDDEsT TRlBE IN THE WORLD.
Painful Fashion Of Tattooin9 In Vogue
Among the Women.

Painful Fashion Of TattooinE In Vogue
Among the Womsn.
The Ainu live In the most primitive
manner possible. They have adopted
the dress Of the japanese, but the
houses are very unlike any seen in
Japan. They are made Of rice straw,
rooted with a thatching Of reeds. How
the natives ever survive the winter Ia
dimcuit to understand. In the center
Of the room IL the fireplace, from
which the smoke floats out into the
room, at times becoming almest su6o-
eating. An opening in the roof 10
supposed to serve as an outlst, but the
smoke does not always ind It. Over
the fire hangs a huge iron kettle and
into 1t are thrust all sorts Of Ash, ami
NAL and vegetable food, to be dished up
later in a sort Of composite chowdef.
Around two sides Of the room II a
slightly raised platform, upon which
the whole family range themselves for
the night, without bedding of any sort
in summer and only q scanty supply
In winter.
As race the Ainu are sturdy in ap-
pearance, but are peaceable and not
given to war, like the Japanese. The
marked feature Of the men Is a hairy
growth upon the entire body, like that
upon a wild animal A creepy sensa-
ton takes possession of one in look
ing upon these walking, talking crea-
lures, so intelligent and yet presenting
somewhat the outward appearance Of
gigantic monkeys.
The women have the same large.
heavy features as the men. They are
generally disngured by an ancient GUS
tom of tattooing a large portion Of the
face around the mouth, the upper part
of which takes the form of mustache.
q badge Of distinction for the race.
The process of tattooing is long and
painful. When girl is about twelve
years old the mother begins operations
on the lower lip and by degrees covers
the space Of two inches on each side
Of the mouth. As the child grows this
increases in size until it extends half
way across the face toward the ears.
The preparation used in tattooing Is
made by the women from ash bark.
This is soaked for some days and when
ready for use SCOT, produced by burn
ing birch-bark, is added to the liquid
and the concoction Is applied to the
surface Of the skin. The lips are
scratched with sharp instrument,
more Of the fluid applied and from
time to time. as the irritation ceases,
the work Is continued. In olden times
other marks were added as the girls
became wives or mothers, but these are
now seen only on the very old.-The
Housekeeper.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1904-01-19
lutER 5ronlt5

Burnt gypsum Is called plaster-of-
paris, because the Montmartre Gypsum
Quarries, near Paris, are, and have
been, famous for afrerding it
The most economical processes are
used in the Lake region for the recov-
cry of copper, 80 that it is found that
ore yielding ~ per cent will pay costs.
Old as the history Of the world it.
self IL that Of the queen Of flowers
The ancient Greeks and Romans re-
veled in roses. They were used Law
khly at their feasts.
In a bog on the island Of iceland,
Denmark, votive bronze chariot has
been found with the image Of a horse
ten inches high in front and with an
inlaid gold sun on one side.
Alabaster is q fne-grained variety Of
gypsum, either white or delicately
shaded, and occurs in fine quality at
Castelino, Italy, whence it Is taken to
Florence for the manufacture Of vases,
figures, etc.
One Of the oldest coins In the world,
the German thaler, Is disappearing. It
Is to be replaced by a four-mark piece,
equivalent to our American dollar, as
the fve-mark silver pieces have been
found to be too heavy.
The electrical roads Of the country
have a nominal capital Of 81, ,eOo, ,0Oo,-
600. employ three hundred thousand
persons who are paid $3.50, 100000 a
year, and run sixty thousand cars over
twenty thousand miles Of track Ten
miles Of electrical road are building to
one Of steam road.
The word Bible furnishes striking
instance of worlds rise from very
low to high estate. To the bulk of
English-speaking folk it now means the
book Of books. In Chaucer's day 1t
meant any book whatever, or scroll
to speak by the card, lest equivocation
undo us. Tracing the word Bible
straight home we find it as bublos, but
another name for the papyrus reed of
Egypt.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1904-01-19
Mrs. Anderson, q prominent

Mrs. Anderson, a prominent =
society woman of Jacksonville,
Fla, daughter of Recorder Of
Deeds, West, says:
''There are but few wives and
mothers who have not at times en-
dured agonies and such pain as only
women know of. I wish such women
knew the value of Lydia e. Pink
hams Vegetable Compound. It
10 remarkable medicine, different in
action from any other ever knew and
thoroughly reliable.
have seen cases where women
doctored for years without permanent
benefit who were cured in less than
three months after taking your Vege-
table Compound, while others who
were chronic and incurable came out
cured, happy, and in perfect health
after q thorough treatment with this
medicine. I have never used it myself
without gaining great benefit. A
few doses restores my strength and
appetite, and tones up the entire
system. Your medicine has been tried
and found true, hence fully endorse
ft."-M Mrs. r. A. ANDERSON. 225 Wash
ington St., Jacksonville, Fla. $4,000
forfeit II original Of abevs testimonial pSocing gsnu
assness cannot Be produced.
The experience and testimony
Of some of the NEST noted women
Gf America go to provo, beyond
4 question, that Lydia e. Pink
hams Vegetable Compound will
correct all such trouble at once
ny removing the cause, and re-
storing the organs to q healthy
aud normal condition.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1904-01-19

! The horror OF this awful disease
can never be told. The one who con-
tracts it suffers in body and mind,
and if the poison is not eradicated
transmits the faint to his children,
and Contagious Blood Poison thus
becomes responsible for many of the
ills Of childhood-Skin Eruptions,
Catarrhal Troubles, Sore Eyes, Scalp
Disease, White Swelling, Scrofula
and others just as bad. S. S. S., the
great vegetable blood purifier and
tonic, has long been recognized as
radical and safe cure for Contagious
Blood Poison. It counteracts the
deadly virus and cleanses and puri-
6es the diseased blood, and under its
tonic effects the general health i'm
proves and soon all signs of blood
poison are gone. The strong miner
are SO often prescribed for the diseaS
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1904-01-19
The Wooden Indian.

Behold the wooden Indian,
Who stands outside the door,
And guards, with frown and hatchet,
The old tobacco store.
He never beat a grocery bill,
He never told lie,
He never took a longing look
At bourbon, fzz, or rye.
Behold the wooden Indian
A mass of oak and paint;
He never made a crooked move,
In faith, he is a saint
He never bought a stack Of chips
And sat into a game;
He never rushed a chorus girl,
Or firted with a dame.
Behold the wooden Indian,
Who, on the other hand,
Was never known to help the poor
That fill our glorious land;
Who never heard the piteous cry
OF him who starved alone
Who never gave a hungry dog
So much as one small bone.
Behold the wooden Indian
(And clay Is much like woo1
Who never did a bit Of harm,
Nor yet a bit Of good.
His family is not extinct
In fact, one often meets
A lot of wooden Indians
A-walking ON the streetsl
milwaukee Sentinel.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1904-01-19
Flaxseed and Mustard.

What a jolly thing a cold is when you
get it good and lard!
How it cheers the dropping spirits of the
energetic bard!
Hear the cheerful way he sneezes!
How he pleases with his wheezes!
And his treasured nose he squeezes
While he rubs his chest with lard.
While the trustiest of nurses by his
verses never fustered
Makes a poultice, like custard,
OF the flaxseed and the mustard.
What a jolly thing a cold is with the
poultice in it's place.!
When your heart is filed with gladness
and the sweat runs down your
face!
Does the patient do some cussing
At the fussing and the mussing?
Nay! He's learnedly discussing
The improvement of the race.
Never yelled and never clustered
When he felt that stinging custard
Made Of flaxseed and of mustard
What jolly thing a cold is! Oh, the
liar that 1 am!
Am I gently philosophical and gentle as
lamb?
No, Pm not! I'm fercely cranky
At this measly hanky-panky.
3 Will take that stuff? No. thankee!
IT'S a snare! delusion! sham!
Hang the doctors and the nurses!
Let the druggists hear my cursesl
On their shelves permit to spoil
SIENNA, salts, and castor oil!
Please to let me, carin' nomn',
Go a-coughin' to my cofinl
With my body wrapped in worstsd
And q poultice, like a custard,
Made of faxseed and Of mustard
Dispatch.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1904-01-19
Keen ReDarroe.

Mistah Jackson-Whaffoh yo' grind
in dat razor so shahp fob, Mistah John
sing?
Mistah Johns1ng-Ah's gwine to a
watermellion pahty tonight an dey do
say dat de toasts an repartee gwine
be mighty shahp an skindllatin'. sab.
San Francisco Bulletin.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1904-01-19
Uncle Sans Women Employees.

The largest number of women en-
ployes in any line Of work are in the
United States Postoffice Department.
More than one-third Of them are past
middle age and some are past 20. They
fill all kinds Of positions. even many
of the rural free delivery routes being
filled by them.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1904-01-19
Economical.

Friend Ito amateur artist)-I sup
pose you'll give up painting when you
marry?
Amateur-Oh, no! It'll be so con-
venient and economical Q when we have
to make wedding presents.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1904-01-19

in the social and
business world.
Although starting
in life compara-
lively poor, he ac--
cumulated millions
through his inyen-
tive genius. Nc
Kay was born in
Pittsfeld, Mass,
in 1921, and on the
death of his father
fp 1929 began to
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1904-01-19
GREAT NAMES IN CONGRESS.
Men Whose Patronymics Mark Them
for Other Mensa Notice.

Men Whose Paeronymics Mark Them
for Other Men's Notice.
We cannot depend on the House Of
Representatives Of the United States
Congress for great deal, but we can
always trust 1t to supply roll call
that is interesting and diverting read
Ing-unt1l 1t becomes an old story, says
the New York Mail and Express. Why
is it that men of picturesque and even
remarkable cognomens tend to drift
into Congress, especially in the South
and West? Is it that the very nature
of their names seems to devolve upon
them the duty to render these names
flustrious? Perhaps it is.
The Fifty eighth Congress Is no ex-
ception to the rule. There are men
here whose names ought to have made
them famous even if they had never
gone to Congress or done anything else.
Not to speak of Prince Cupid Kalania-
naole of Honolulu, whose name may be
the Hawaiian Smith for all we know,
we have on this new roll of our coun-
try's fame the priceless name Of the
Hon. Swanger Sherley Of Kentucky,
that Of Hon. Phanor Brazeale Of Louis
lana and that Of Hon. Justin D. Bow
ersock of Kansas. The Hon. Jefferson
Brick is now absent from the councils
of the nation, but the family Is ably
by the Hon. Abraham
Brick Of Indiana.
There are others. Let us pick out q
few patronymic gems at random:
Thetus w. Sims, Tennessee.
Parish Carter Tate, Georgia.
Ollie James, Kentucky.
Halvor Steenerson, Minnesota.
Champ Clark, Missouri.
Jack Beall, Texas.
Carter Glass, Virginia.
Arsene P. Pujo, Louisiana.
The names of Pou, Shook, Moon,
Dick, Crumpacker, Mudd, Skiles Shull,
Snapp, Gooch, Licernash, Kluttz, Sho-
Der and Spight continue to decorate
the roll. They surely were not born to
die. Buts why, may we ask, is the
name Of Bird" so popular among poll
The present House has on its
list Adam Byrd of Mississippi and II.
have we not our own Bird s. Coler
and Asa Bird Gardiner always with
us?
Many a congressional surname Of de-
cided commonplaceness is relieved
from that fate by the given name.
That of the Hon. Choice B. Randell of
Texas is IN instance, the Hon. Vespa-
sian Warner another and the Hon.
Ariosto Wiley another. But for the
most part the Congressman were con-
demned by their parents to bear the
plain names of John, James, William,
Joseph and SO on. These parents fail
ed to realize that If man couldn't
get his name into the megaphone Of
fame in any other way it might be
done for him with a quaint curious
md mouth-f1lling baptismal designa-
lion.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1904-01-19
Seals Being Exterminated.

American and Canadian fishermen
are exterminating the seals on the Pri
byloff islands, near Alaska. Just for
the sport of the thing they shoot the
animals instead of spearing; the bodies
sink, and the breeding seals are fright
ened away by the noise.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1904-01-19
Mexican SalutationS.

Mexican gentlemen tip their hats to
each other or at least salute in passing
and shake hands both at meeting and
parting, though the interview may
have lasted only two minutes.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1904-01-19
Horrible Thought.

Here's an astrologer who predicts
that King Edward is shortly to pass
through lot of trouble, dark cloud
hanging over the empire. Some hor-
rible calamity, don't you know.
I'll bet Alfred Austin is writing an
other ode.-Life.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1904-01-19
A Suggestion.

Jimblecute- have you forgot
ten that $40 you borrowed of me some
weeks ago?
Boba1ong-Oh, no; 1 still have it in
mind.
Jimblecute-Well, don't you think it
would be a good idea to pay up and
release your mind.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1904-01-19
Her Experience,

'They say" remarked the young
girl, that sensible business man is
apt to act foolish when in love-"
Eyes, that's right" replied the elder.
ly matron. "a man will make a per-
feet idiot Of himself over his wife so
long as she doesn't ask him for
money"
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1904-01-19
Curious Cucumber.

) A freak in the cucumber line was
found in Brandon, VT, last week by
jArnold Manchester. 1t is four distinct
'cucumbers, yet all grown from single
stem and forming solid bunch shaped
not unlike Maltese cross,
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1904-01-19
The Masculine Theory.

Wife-I wonder why the fashions
for women change so often?
Hushand-Probably for the purpose
of enabling them to correspond with
the feminine mind, my dear.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1904-01-19
In Kanaaa.

In Kansas.
We found the native taking great
strides toward the cyclone cellar.
why are you going in there?" we
asked.
"My wife is comingv' he gasped.
"She isn't a cyclone"
isn't she, now? You don't know
my wife"
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1904-01-19

Held like to meet Miss Bond. She
Why? 81 hear she has thirty thou
sand a year and no incumbrance." els
she looking for one ?'-Life.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1904-01-19

EI1o Permanently Cured. NO hts or nervousness
FLO after first days use Of Kline Great Nerve
Restorer Send for Free 82 trialbottle and treatise
Dr. 4. h. Kline Ltd. o31 Arch st.. Philadelphia, Pa
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1904-01-19

The Anxious Mether-Are van .ur.
my son has appendicitis2 The Emil
nent Specialist-Ws can tell you bet
ter, madam. after the operation
Life.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1904-01-19
An impossible Situation.

Flipper-Why does he object to his
wife going out alone in her motor car?
Flapper-Because he can't see how
one unmanageable thing can manage
another-Modern Society.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1904-01-19
Toned Him Down.

IOuSU TI1m OUWH.
'This photograph doesn't look bit
like me,' said Snarley to the photo
grapher.
81 know it," said the photographer.
81 was afraid to make it exactly like
you for fear you wouldn't take it."