The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1904-06-15
THE NONPAREJL MAN

THE NONPAREJL MAN
Hold Our Coat, Somebody, While We Try
to Hand Out the MouIdy Old Fourth
OF July Grafton, Full of Canned Patriot
ism and Verbal Formaldehyde, a Good,
( Swift Kick. -, -
man from Kandiyohi, Grow Creek
or Yellow Medicine was in town the other
day looking for a crack Fourth of July
orator. His town was planning on very
noisy celebration of the country's natal
day, and the people could not feel to be
happy without an expert in noise charged
with some kind of canned grafton full
OF .formaldehyde and tail-twisting of the
1776 order ,..
Have you ever noticed how absurd and
superf1uous this habit of making set
speeches is? Thank fortune it is, to some
extent, going out of vogue! You want
to be comfortable and happy and to have
a good time, and 10! some orator arises
and proceeds to thunder forth antique
chestnuts that had moss on them in 1884.
What do you really think Of it? Be hon
est, and confess that it gives you a
strong pain in the midriff To go out in
the woods and watch a pair of robins
hustling for worms for a nestful Of open
faced young birds, all bill and organized
appetite, has some human feeling in it.
The proceeding has an air of reality and
comfort about it that appeals to the mind.
But that artificial holler over dead issues
nay, it's too painful. A good rafting
game OF baseball played in the empty lot
for fun, not for money between the Young
Finnegins and the Western Avenue In
dams, is a scene of joy and gladness.
There is nothing official or dusty about
1t. 1t is right there. You see lively,
breathing emotions in the concrete. But
to listen to man paid IS and his car
fare to make the welkin ring-well, we'd
prefer to take the hour off and hold the
hand of somebody's maiden aunt.
The Atchison Globe says that John Rus
kln's letters, now being printed in the
Atlantic Monthly, show that the great
man was commonplace, conceited and
dull. Say, there, Globe. you can't tell
the truth like that right out openly in the
paper! It won't do.
An old lady in Holt county, Missouri
whose life is made up Of the careful cul-
ture OF several diseases, says it always
makes her feel worse to feel better be-
cause she knows that she will be SO much
worse later on.
They are trying to make out that
Charley Towne Is a democratic dark
horse. The baleful shadow of Wall street
is thrown on Mr.. TONNES stable.
A mean farmer claims that there used
to be fine echo on his farm that at
tracted numerous summer boarders, but
one day his wife got into a controversy
with it, and in it's struggles to have the
last word the poor echo strained itself 50
badly that it lost its voice entirely. 1t is
a mean man that would make up this
joke.
People are said to get 'the telephone
ear" Too much listening on the party
line, perhaps.
Kate Portland of Pottsville, Pa, in
trusted $3.50 Of her money to her fiance,
Albin NorVile, to buy her wedding trous-
seau. The possession of such large sum
proved too much for Norville, who fled
the country and spent the cash. Believing
that she would forgive him, Norvllle came
back repentant a few weeks later, but
got the surprise of his life when she
John Sherwood. Then Kate's husband
gave him, another by turning him over
to the police for theft.
Mrs. w. T. Leopold of Savannah, Ca.
has been suffering greatly from inflamma-
tory rheumatism for several years. Last
Sunday in q severe thunder storm light
ming struck the chimney Of her house.
She felt the shock quite perceptibly. Since
then the rheumatism has left Mrs. Leo
pold and is looking for q victim who does
not get in front Of thunder. '.. 3
After inspecting the battlefields around
Fredericksburg and at Spottsylvania
Court House, Captain William F. Camp.
bell of LeWiSburg, Pa, when he entered
the national cemetery, was paralyzed with
aStonlshment when a slab confronted hin
inscribed as sacred to the memory o.
"William F. Campbell, who fell in the
battle Of Spottsylvania Court House, He
was captured at this engagement and an.
| other man was buried for him. TO reaC
| ones own epitaph is a pleasure denied
| to most men.
| Senator Cockrell of Missouri made z
| bid for the democratic nomination by get
ting himself run down by a boy on {
bicycle. The boy was not much hurt.
The democratic party must split Why
| try to prevent it?
st. Petersburg, May 5.-(SpeciaD-Ma
jor Sptzikoff will rejoin his regiment il
| Manchuria at once. The major has beer
engaged at the Winter Palace endeavorins
to ascertain who put paris green in tn,
| czarinas chocolate
| General HalbentSki has been detailed or
| the Nevski outrage in an eDdeavor to dis
cover the parties who sent the heir appar
ent a bunch of cigarettes with maximits
| in them.
The car is investigating the rubber
! beefsteak now sold at the market
Eighteen butchers went to Siberia yes
| terday.
General Popemoff will go to the from
as soon as it it found who put the pack
age Of smokeless powder in the stove owe
at the palace.
Five young Jews tried to start riot a
Kozhakazov last week. One hundred ane
twenty Of the inhabitants were killed.
Late news from Liao-tung says that tw
Japanese armies have been wiped out
Admiral Togo is sick.
| Carrier pigeons from Port Arthur sa,
that trade has not been interfered witt
by the siege. -Four japanese battleshp
| were sunk by mines yesterday.
| Chinese coolies report that the Japanes
are suffering for food.
The news from Berlin that other ma
tons are interested in this war is not wei
received here. Russia intends to seiz
Toxic and dictate terms of peace there
The Baltic fleet is now thinking Of goin,
east. A. j. r.
"DUNN's CAMPAIGN ..
AGAINST DUNN
Preston Republcan-We should thinl
that Dunn's friends would feel proud O