Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1904-05-02
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Al the DOttOm.-t nlcaSo Dauy news.
Wantanno-Why do you call that
boy Of yours "Flannel:" Duzno-Be-
cause he just naturally shrinks from
washing.
Editha-I wonder why the dudes
wear one eyeglass: DebOrah-To pre-
vent seeing more than they are able to
comprehend.
Ma. is there any pie left in the
pantry?" 'There is one piece. but you
can't have it," You are mistaken,
ma; I've had it,
Fond Parent understand the fac
ulty are very much pleased with your
work. Dropped Junior-ies. they en-
cored my sophomore year.
Grace. can you tell me what is
meant by cubic yard?" Il don't
know exactly. but guess it's a yard
that the Cuban children play in"
Old GRIM Remember, young man.
there il always room at the top.
Young Sprawley | know that;
I'm waiting for the elevator now
Judge.
Lord Littlecash 0ovingly,-You are
my soul. Edith-Yes: told papa that.
"Oh. what did he say" Said you
didn't earn enough to keep your soul
and body together
Nurse-Johnny. stop asking your IA
ther so many questions. Don't you
see it annoys him? .Iohnny-Why.
nurse. it's not the questions that make
him angry; it's because he can't an
swer them.
A husband said to his wife: II
drea med last night that caught man
running away with you" What did
you say?' she asked. II wanted to
know what he was running for" re-
piled the husband
Mrs. Closefist-Oh. do buy me new
bonnet, my dear. 1t will set all my
friends talking. ClOsefist-lf you're
after notoriety. why don't you get the
old one retrimmed: That will make
your friends talk twice as much.
Il see that choice Bengal tigers
have been marked down to 500 each"
For goodness sake don't let my wife
read that paragraph. Here's my knife.
Cut 1t out. If those tigers are on the
bargain counter she'd want at least
two"
He (bitterly,--If were rich you'd
marry me fast enough. She-Don't.
a h1 u q
my heart! He-What do you mean?
She-Often You have praised my
beauty, but never before my common
sense.
Hello. Freddie. Are you playln'
robber?" "Playin' nuthin'. This Is
the real thing. I'm waitin' for the
cook. an when she comes she'll tell
where she hides the pies. or I'll know
the reason why"-New York Evening
journal.
John" asked the lawyers wife,
who had recently taken up the health
culture fad. lis il best to lie on the
right side or the left side? My
dear" replied the legal luminary. III
one Is OH Tue TlSut Sittc ~ 1911
~ necessary to lie at all
Mrs. Youngwed-You know Uncle
Pincher said he was going to send us
something that would help us save
our coal bills this year? Well, 1t came.
Mr.. Youngwed-Really A stock of
coal? Mrs. Youngwed-No. A little
arrangement for filing bills
He las they were seated in quiet
nook near the links)-Are you quite
sure we have never met before this
season! She-Yes; quite positive. He
And you haven't a sister? She
No: why do you ask? He-Well. I'm
positive | Rugged that blouse before,
somewhere.
Call a girl chick. and she smiles;
call woman a hen, and she bowls.
Call a young woman witch. and she
Is pleased: call an old woman witch,
and she is indignant Call girl Il
',itten. and she rather likes 1t; call
woman cat. and she'll hate YOU.
Queer sex. isn't it?-Chicago News.
Burglar-timme yer jewels. Lady
Of the House--Did you shut the win
dow after you: Are you sure you
wiped your feet: What did you do
with that burnt match? Did Bur
glar-Er--I-I guess forgot it.
Don't say another word. ma'am. an
III 80 right out.--Chicago News.
Did l understand you to say that
you didn't have any company in the
kitchen while was out. Katie:"
"Yis. mum. that's what said" But
l smell the tobacco from pipe all
through the house. "Yis, mum; the
policeman was in for half an hour,
mum. but we were in the drawing
ROOM"
Economical: First farmer Did they
hev fire-escapes at the hotel where
We slept. Zeke: Second farmer-No.
hu, IT was the most cckernomical tav-
ern ever seen. First farmer-In
what way. Zeke? Second farmer
Why. they had rope hanging in ev-
cry room. so that you could commit
suicide without wastin' the gas.-Phil-
adelphla Telegraph
He Told Her at Last.-"There IL
something" he said. that have want
ed to tell you for a long time. but"
..Oh. BERTHE" she said. blushing sweet