The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1904-08-28

! BY F. p. Dunne-Copyrlght 1904, by Nc
Clure. Phillips & Company.
How is tn war comm on?' asked
, Mr.. Hennssey.
Nicely, thank ye FIR asxin'," said Mr..
Dooley. ''Th' Rooshyans is sweepin' w.
rything befure thin in their mad rush
to Saint Petersburg. Their navy has
been uniformly VICTORIOUS In some cases
BLOWN up higher thin TIL wurruld' s
record an In other cases batin' all pree-
vyous time out to sea an back again.
Port Arthur has fallen as often as a
graduate ~ tn Kelley cure. TIL Gear
has issued a ukase which is tn main
nourishment Nv tn common people iv
Rooshy, a blessin an an ikon to each
recroot. II 1t wasn't FIR TIL Rooshyan
belief in the iBon, don't know how long
tn Gear wud last. Hinnissey That's a
joke. Look 1t up. TIL lille subjecks Nv tn
Gear who ar-re bein sint out to die FIR
their country which is on'y theirs whin
they ar-1re away fightin FIR 1t, has
thanked tn Car at Tremendous blow
out fr wan " his principal advisers. But
tn Gar won't know much about tn
war firm now on. I seen 1t in tn pa
aper tn other day that they was born
to his impeeryel highness Gin'ral Alex
is Reconsideration Michaelovitch John
ovitch Terenenclovitch Willum j. Car.
Mr.. an Mrs. Car both dom well. He
was BORN a Rooshyan gin raj, mind We.
It's heaovy handicap to start with but
he may live it down whin he acquires
sinse. An firm now on tn Gear will
have enough on his hands without think
"a Nv fn fol 70
TIL measles about tn time tn Japs take
Moscow.
They're a gr-reat people thin Japs.
1 used to look down ON thin. Who
was tn hero that opened thin up to
westhern civilization? I frget. 1 niver
raymimber a hero's name or f'rget a cow
ards. Such is fame. But he ought to
have a leather medal firm Rooshye He
opened Japan up tn way a burglar opens
a safe. here 1t sthud an says Westhern
Gcilyzation to itsilf: There mus be
something in this. Well blow tn dure
Off We opened 1t up, Hinnissy, an
what did We find? Ditictives, no less.
Twas as though ye wud blow a strong
box lookin FIR threasure an out shud
step a foorce " Pinkertons, grab we be
tn neck an say: Come along with us.
We want to see TIL tools. We didn't go
in. There wasn't room. They come out.
Whin l was a young man I niver see
a Jap. l havn't seen anything iise FIR
tin years. TIL first thing they got was
a pair Nv specs an they bought betther
was thin 1 use. Thin they begun rum
min around over tn wurruld findin' out
what was goin on. No wan thried to
stop thin. What harm cud they do,
thin cunnin' little fellows barely up to
tn waistband Nv a Roosyan? Our dee
Nv great man is a tall man, which lets
out Napoleon Bonyparte an Young Cor
bett an let's In Fairbanks. TIL Jap is tn
only person know Nv that's larned amy
thing that was know be Impror VIII
lum, tn Gear, Prisidint Rosenfelt, Char
ley Schwab, J. w. Gates, Herr Krupp,
Mrs. Eddy, Nels Morris. Cap Mahan, tn
American Can Comply tn Authors So
cety, Thomas Edison, Wilum Marco
nj, Jawn Hay an Doctor Munyon, bor-
rid eonugh money to make him Interest
in an wint home. He carried his cat
chel to tn McAdoo or chief ruler Nv
Japan who rayceived him dressed In a
plug hat an a kimono to show tn En-
glish ambassadure an tn Gawd Boodha
that he played no favorites. Little in
sects in tn cheese, says that mighty po-
tntate we have done we'll Go an die
where we will An he gave THIN each
handsome pair Nv Congress CATERS an
stint thin on their way. Thin he r-read
tn docymints. an says he to himslf:
We've been opened on bluff he says.
It's all a matther " tools. Be hivens,
I'll start a masheen shop an whin I'm
ready I'll sarve notice on this here Yves
thern Civilization that I decline amy
longer to be threated as a jack pot.
''Nayether Rooshya nor 1 believed him,
but being busy at home l put tn mat
Their aside. Rooshya was more inquisi-
tive TIL Rooshyan's put their head in
to see whether tn wheels we're goin'