davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The herald-advance. (Milbank, S.D.) 1890-1922, 1904-06-24

A Baltimore man has been fined
800 for kissing his typewriter girl.
The dispatches don't say how much II
lost him to square 1t with his wife.
The herald-advance. (Milbank, S.D.) 1890-1922, 1904-06-24

An English parish church has
changed It's hour of service to sui
the golf players-including the par
son, perhaps.
The herald-advance. (Milbank, S.D.) 1890-1922, 1904-06-24

Why II it that every successful test
OF : flying machine ends with some
disablement Of the machinery that pre-
vents further experimenting?
The herald-advance. (Milbank, S.D.) 1890-1922, 1904-06-24

One Of the club women at st. Louis
declared that Good pies will not hurt
any one," but she didn't add that she
could make them.
The herald-advance. (Milbank, S.D.) 1890-1922, 1904-06-24

It Is sad to hear that Bill Nye's
widow Ia in want. That is too fire.
Guently the legacy OF humorists.
The herald-advance. (Milbank, S.D.) 1890-1922, 1904-06-24
LOOKS LIKE sHERiFF's SLAYER
Man Arrested Who Answers Descrip'
ton of Harris Murderer.

ton of Harris Murderer.
Oshkosh, Wis, June %. George
Airey, giving his residence as New
York city, was arrested here yesterday
while attempting to dispose of .
watch. Bills amounting to 5000 were
found sewed up in his coat, and he also
had fourteen watches. He in @
W the description OF
the man who shot and killed Sheriff
Harris of st. Croix county. Airey will
be held.
The herald-advance. (Milbank, S.D.) 1890-1922, 1904-06-24

AS no news is reported from Brazil
or Peru, it is supposed that war is
going on there in the same old monot-
onOus way.
The herald-advance. (Milbank, S.D.) 1890-1922, 1904-06-24
BUILDING

Of a FourStory Structure.
Kansas City, June pa four-stOry
brick building at Third and Delaware
streets, occupied by the Black Syrup
and Refining company, partially. col
lapsed yesterday, the result of an ex'
plosion of ammonia on the third floor,
Fifty girls on the upper stories and
several men and boys we're thrown
into a panic. Six persons were
buried in the debris. The others es.
capped down an alley fire escape.
The herald-advance. (Milbank, S.D.) 1890-1922, 1904-06-24

It's q wise husband who lets his
wife make all the arrangements for
the summer vacation.
The herald-advance. (Milbank, S.D.) 1890-1922, 1904-06-24

The eighteen miles between Nan
shan hill and Port Arthur is generally
recognized rs the longest eighteen
miles In all Asia.
The herald-advance. (Milbank, S.D.) 1890-1922, 1904-06-24

After all is said and done the dis
ease microbe still remains the mos
deadly implement of modern warfare
The herald-advance. (Milbank, S.D.) 1890-1922, 1904-06-24

In Korea they sell the Offices to the
highest bidder. They could hardly be
expected to let them go to the lowest.
The herald-advance. (Milbank, S.D.) 1890-1922, 1904-06-24

Rev. DR.. Locke says that only the
good are brave, but fortunately others
besides the brave are good.
The herald-advance. (Milbank, S.D.) 1890-1922, 1904-06-24
81 WILLIAM ". DOWN.

Incredible as It may seem, there
e no such place as Chow-chow Oh the
RAP
The herald-advance. (Milbank, S.D.) 1890-1922, 1904-06-24

We don't know where the fly has
been all winter long, but it was some
where where he got nicely rested.
The herald-advance. (Milbank, S.D.) 1890-1922, 1904-06-24
Personal.

Lawrence Hutton, aged 81, the
author and ~essayist, is dead.
The first woman to obtain the de-
gree Of doctor Of Jurisprudence at the
University OF Chicago is Miss Sophon-
isba Breckenridge.
]. Pierpont Morgan is a sick man.
After taking the cure at Aix-Les-Brains
he went to Italy for a change and was
laid up for several days at Milan.
Sir Frederick Treves, the eminent
English surgeon who operated on k1ng
Edward before the coronation, is IN
Philadelphia. He will be the recipient
OF an honary degree at the University
Of Pennsylvania commencement exer-
cises.
Abner Mckinley, brother. OF the late
president, was found dead in a chair
in his home at Somerset, Pa. His
death came without warning to his
family. Mr.. McKinlyey's death was
due to Brisht's disease. which devel-
oped shortly after the death of his dis
tinguished brother three years ago.
The Springfield herald., 1904-11-25
FOR WOMEN ANDHOME
ITEMS OF INTEREST FOR MAIDS
AND MATRONS.
Don't Toll Your Woes-save Your Friends
You May Need Them Some Day
What to Do When Blue-Donts for
GLr1s.
KEEP YOUR SECRETS.

When in a state of nerves" it is
best not to seek human sympathy.
Likely as not our friends have troubles
Of their own and it's altogether too
bad to risk breaking the possible weak
link of the chain of friendship. And
this is Just what lots of us do. When
everything is using us awry we go to
see Sue or Kit. II shown the pale
green silk Sue has just bought Tor
waist we remind her how CHASTITY
Louise looked in that shade OF pale
green and Furthermore acridly admit
It's color we'd never choose for our
selves. On the other hand, If we ia
vor(?) Kit with our society we prob
ably give her to understand that we
think her children ought to be turned
out during the visit, or, If she has no
children, We perhaps suggest that
there ought to be law compelling
people to make their maids wear feit-
soled shoes. Or perhaps it's the dog
or the sunshine. And then no doubt
we go home and waste time wonder
ing why friends aren't what they used
to be. So take that famous piece of
advice and don't" When the blue
ueVllS get you JUST hy ava! w
park, unless you can get to the couh-
try or the seashore. There you may
tell your trials to the trees. with no
fear of upsetting them. Their nerves
are warranted. They'll murmur any
amount of consolation and go right
along with their work, caring not one
whit whether or not you think their
choice of autumn garb is success. Or
20 to the clouds. They'll take on all
sorts of shapes for your diversion and
still roll by" none the worse LOT
The Springfield herald., 1904-11-25
WOES OF THE ToEr.

From the Louisville Times: The
poet has to stand more trampltng on
his toes. more knocks and bangs. than
the majority of men. Possibly he is
SO sensitive that he feels them more;
anyhow, he suffers and endures. and
is always expecting n solar-pleIus
blow. He had woman friend whom
he admired and esteemed lot. She
was intensely particular, however, but
she liked him and always had some
thing kindly to say. The other even
ing she began talking about his book
of verse.
II borrowed it from 4 friend she
declared. "and started to read 1t. ]
would pick it up before breakfast OF
after supper. but do you know that
every time ! was trying my best to
wade through 1t some of the children
in the house would call me for some
thing, and l never did plow through
the volume"
The poet had grinned broadly when
she began on the subject Of his book
but the words wade through It,,
"plow through it," felled his spirit tc
the dust. That girl was worse than
the woman who wrote poet note OF
thanks for gift OF his book and
let him find it on her parlor table
with the leaves uncut.
The Springfield herald., 1904-11-25

your attention, says the Daily News.
II even the park is out of question
try it on the dog. He'll listen with
the most fattering attention and II
you lay on the agony strong enough he
may whimper his sympathy. At any
rate. he'll stay by you and sit close
until you take more roseate view
of affairs in this vale of tears. And
then he'll show his glee most unmis-
takably. How his tail will fly! Should
none of these be within your reach
there's still one solace left. You can
surely recall some person much worse
off than yourself. In coming over
his or her woes you will at least find
comparative comfort. At any rate.
save your friends. You may need
them some day.
The Springfield herald., 1904-11-25
PLEASED WITH TIE HOUR.

From the Louisville Times.-Lieu-
tenant Heffernan was saying the other
day that he had hardly ever seen an
Irishman who wasn't ready with
quick retort. no matter what the cir
cumstances might be.
ut was about three years ago that
arrested certain fellow. He was
about the drunkest man l ever saw to
be still standing on his feet AS soon
as l got hold of him he wanted to
make trouble. He was just like many
others from the ould sod when they
get full of bad booze and they think
there is chance for scrap. He
made pass at me, but l reached over
and tapped him once on the head with
my stick. He became quiet right away.
and he locked up at me and said:
And what tonne is it?'
and of course I couldn't help but
answer, Just struck one
Well. il thot's So he answered.
oim dunn glad yez didn't hit me an
hour sooner"
The Springfield herald., 1904-11-25
NEWEST BUCKLE IDEAS.

Many new and attractive designs OF
buckles and fancy ornaments are dis
played, FURNISHED silver (French gray
fnish), gilt, Roman gold. combinations
of pearls and rhlnestones, jet and no.
meric patterns being among the num-
her.
Gun metal is favorite material this
season for buckles, and from 1t are
fashioned also other articles, such as
match safes, hatpins, collar and cuff
buttons. knife cases. charms, chains.
watch cases and purse tops.
A novelty in belt sets is the bar ar
rangement The belt is made OF straps
of velvet or satin. and the bars are OF
gilt studded with turquoise, amethyst
or other stones.
There are three bars to set and a
buckle matching the bars. One is
placed at the back and the others at
each side The elastic beaded girdles
in steel and jet continue in popularity
says the Brooklyn Eagle.
The Springfield herald., 1904-11-25
LOOKING AHEAD.

From the London Tit-Bits.-A good
story is told on one of the dignitaries
of the Scottish church. Before he be-
came known to fame he was minister
of q remote country parish. and was
not considered particularly attract
i've preacher.
At his suggestion extensive altera-
tions were made In the transept OF his
church, and these had the effect OF
sweeping away considerable seating
accommodation.
One day after the alterations had
been effected, he visited the church to
see how 1t looked.
What do you think of the improve
ments, John?' he asked of the beadle.
Improvements? exclaimed John, In
disdain; they're no improvements at
a.. Whaur are ye in to put the folk?'
oh" said the minister, I'VE have
abundance of room. John, considering
the size of the congregation"
That's a very weel the noo.' re-
torted the beadle; but what Will We
do when we get a popular meen!ster?'
The Springfield herald., 1904-11-25

nointed out in a recent letter to q
daily contemporary on an entirely dif-
ferent subject that women's incomes
are generally controlled by the more
generous" sex. Women's allowances
are more often than not cut down to
the slenderest proportions: and 1t is
astonishing what they are expected to
do with their money.
Men, on the other hand. control their
own purses; they have no account to
give OF the way they spend, and If
they kept an account of the money
they so generously" give way. they
would find that they spend sums which
they would account appalling were
they on the debit side OF wives and
sisters. 1t is favorite formula OF man
that woman is reckless and extrava-
giant; but IL one comes to go into de-
tails, instead of looking at totals. 1t
will generally be found that the tables
can be easily turned, says the Phila-
delphia Inquirer. In nine cases out OF
ten, nay, In ninety-nine cases out or a
hundred could the truth be known,
man tips, and tips generously to save
himself trouble, and in order to keep
up appearances. A woman, as rule,
has little margin from which to give
extras, but when she does. she is not
actuated by the same motives. In mon
ey matters man is rarely Just to
woman, and it is for this reason. per-
haps, that she has shown symptoms
of a revolt
The Springfield herald., 1904-11-25
FIRST AMERICAN RAILROAD.
Man SIN Living Who ProphesIed Its Pres |
eDt Development.

ent peSeitpifht'
John Gilman of Worcester, Massa-
chusetts. who is stopping at the Brown
Palace Hotel, says Il late issue of the
Denver News, witnessed the construc-
ton of the first railroad in the United
States. 1t was the Boston Il Albany,
begun in 1896 and completed in 1887.
1t ran through what was then his faith
ers farm. Although people predicted
in his hearing that that would be the
only road ever constructed in the
country, he made the youthful boast
that time would see n road in opera
ton from ocean to ocean.
people thought l was crazy when
said that" remarked Mr.. Gilman
but | was not, for l have lived long
enough to cross the continent forty
one times on the six roads which have
since been built"
Mr.. Gilman is the originator of the
exhibition car project, and Is touring
the West arranging for 275 cars which
will be fitted up by the various states
and taken East to advertise the coun-
try. He constructed his first car
twentythrce years ago. The late
George NJ. Pullman became interested
in the scheme with him, and at the
time of his death was half owner.
The Springfield herald., 1904-11-25
A LARGE COyEY.

Two old hunters were swapping
yarns and had got to quail.
why" said one. 81 remember a
year when quail were SO thick that you
could get eight or ten at one shot with
a rife"
The other one sighed.
Whats the matter?" said the first.
Il was thinking Of my quail hunts.
I had fine black horse that I rode
everywhere. and one day out hunting
quail I saw a big covey on a low
branch of tree. I threw the bridal
rein over the end of the limb and took
shot.
Several birds fell and the rest flew
away
We'll, It's so. ! saw 1t in a paper"
on that limb that when they flew OF
1t sprang back into place and hung
my horse!"
The Springfield herald., 1904-11-25
NONE IN HIS,

TITS funny about Cinnamon. isn't
it?" remarked the saloonkeeper whose
place was next door to laundry. 81
knew Sing Lung was working away
like steam engine this hot day. and
SO I drew n glass of cold seltzer and
handed 1t in to cheer ard revive him."
THAT was thoughtful of you" said
the man leaning on the bar and wish
ing he was a Chinaman.
"Oh, but the fellow wouldn't touch
it."
MOP"
and he even flew mad and ordered
me out of his place. Didn't seem to
understand. you know"
But l think he did. Yes, l think
he had been there before"
How do you mean?" asked the sa-
loonist.
why he's been given knockout
drops and had his laundry robbed Of
the last nickel!"
The Springfield herald., 1904-11-25
HIS ASCENSION,

From the New York Times: When
the young minister of high church
tendencies was called to preside over
congregation that abhorred ritual
ism, and was stickler for the sim
plest of services, he called on Bishop
Potter to ask what would be the re-
suit il he went in for ritualism just
q bit.
Suppose l should burn a pastille
or two during the service: what do
you think would happen. bishop, for
I dearly wish to try the experiment."
"Your congregation would be in
censed, your vestrymen would fume.
and you would go out in smoke"
ouickly replied the bishop.
The Springfield herald., 1904-11-25
Unnecessary Fear.

Widow Goosefieshel-Oh. dear, oh,
dear, Mis-. Go sup, can't tell you how
| feel. Whenever | wake up in the
night and it happens to strike 12, I I'm
agine that my dear, dead husband Will
appear to me!
Mrs Gossup (comforting)-But, my
dear, poor woman. how can you imag-
inc such thing! Your husband never
did appear until after two in the morn
ing. you know.
The Springfield herald., 1904-11-25
FIGURING OUT HER SHARE

FIGURING OUT HEX SHARE
Eunice had been doing some figuring
on her slate.
Papa" she said, do you know this
country eats about 100000 tons OF
sugar every year,"
mo. don't know it," replied papa,
taught by past experience to be eau
tious.
well. it's SO. saw 1t in paper. +"
"Yes. what Of 1t, dear?"
Nothing, only I've been fidning out
how much every man. woman and
child in the United States eats on an
average"
well, how much is it?"
Its about &C pounds year. don't
believe 1 eat half of that. and yet you
make fuss every time l want"
"Thatll do, child. l surrender.
Here's a quarter. Go and get your
box of candy"
The Springfield herald., 1904-11-25
Ladics Cnn Wear Shoes.

One size smaller after using Aliens Foot
Ease, a powder. 1t makes tight or new
shoes easy. Cures swollen, hot, sweat
ing, aching feet, ingrowing narls, corns
and bunions. All druggists and shoe
stores 25c. Trial package FREE by mail.
Address Allen S. olmstcd. Leroy, N. Y.
The Springfield herald., 1904-11-25
Nobility on the stage.

German mobiles, like their kindred in
England. begin to take to the stage,
says the Worlds Berlin correspondent.
The court theater of Munich boasts n
baron and two counts among It's staff.
Not less than l0i mobiles are ut present
engaged on the German stage in vnri-
Gus capacities.
The Springfield herald., 1904-11-25
woMEN's INCOMES.

If is generally said that in respect
If timing women are not generous.
nbev are always credited with narrow
daaIinps with cabmen, and they do not
90 waters on the same scale as the
a.hor sex. On this subject man al
wakes facetious but he Is entire
~, ,o,getful Of the fact which has been
The Springfield herald., 1904-11-25
DON,rs FOR GIRLS

DON'TS FOR GIRI.h
Don't waste emotion. Life is very
short. and excessive feeling disturbs
the brain. weakens the heart ana
ages the body.
Don't be proud. Be self-respecting.
Let none use you as stapladder. Of
fer to assist when you can.
Don't preach; live your sermons. Be
honest, virtuous. obliging. merry and
wise. but don't be Pharisaical.
Don't judge men by their raiment
or by their speech. Flattery is cheap
and belittling thing, and many a shah
by man has a noble soul, says the
Pittsburg Chronicle.
The Springfield herald., 1904-11-25

Brooklyn, N. Y. Oct. 31st.-After In
vestlgating Garfield Tea, which is quite
universally acknowledged to be the best
family remedy. 1t Is not difficult to ex-
GOOD RESULTS! 1t is prepared here
by the Garfield Tea Co. in their new and
attractive laboratory and is made wholly
from simple, sweet and withal. HEALTH
GIVING HERBS. Garfield Tea is the
ORIGINAL herb cure for constipation
and sick headache,
The Springfield herald., 1904-11-25
"straws Show which Way the ytnd

and the constantly increasing demand
for and steady growth in popularity
OF st. Jacobs Oil among all classes OF
people in every part OF the civilized
world, show conclusively what remedy
the people use for their Rheumatism
and bodily aches and pains Facts
speak louder than words, and the fact
remains undisputed that the sale of st.
Jacobs Oil is greater than all other
remedies for outward application com
blned. 1t acts like magic, cures where
everything else falls, conquers pain.
The Springfield herald., 1904-11-25
HARD LUCK.

The cowboy sat down on the ground,
fingered a roll of bi Is and 10 ked sadly
at his pard.
Bill" he said, Its no use. can't
90 to town with you to-day"
Why" asked Bill.
i've only got SIS to my name.
"Figger it up as'in." said Bill.
mo use. I've figgered 1t up dozen
times, and it always comes out the
same. It'll take $50 fer the drunk,
dollar an half fer bed an breakfast,
three an half fzr cartridges, an that
won't leave cussed cent to pay the
fine"
The Springfield herald., 1904-11-25
DOING HIS BEST.

In the early morning l went to the
post office in an Alabama town to in
quire for mail, but found l was hall
an hour too early. l was walking away
when the colored janitor who was
sweeping out called to me and asked:
WAS yo' procrastinat.n' around yere
arter yo'r mail. sah?'
"Yes, but | see I'm too early.
"Yes, sab, too airly. An was yo'
stranger in dis town.
Yes
AN haint yo' no one to talk to?'
mo"
Den, sab. If yo' don't keer to elm
mate about de street fur half an hour
yo' can stop right yere, an III do my
best to consider de reciprocity OF de
situashun an make yo' feel to home.
The Springfield herald., 1904-11-25

PUTNAM FADELESS DYES do not
stain the hands or spot the kettle lex
cept green and purple). Sold by drug
pists, lOc. per package.
The Springfield herald., 1904-11-25

"Christinn Scientists believe in ic-
noring physical Distress "Pshaw,
Christian Science girls race up to the
ice cream soda counter just like all
other girls"
The Springfield herald., 1904-11-25

last night?
Hotel Clerk-You got drunk and
shot q man.
Colonel Ruddygore-Is that all?
was afraid l had insulted somebody;
thanks.
The Springfield herald., 1904-11-25

Honest now. Uncle Eph' said one
of the young men, did you ever. in all
your life. have as much money ns $40 nt
one time?" 81 wufr eighteen hun'ed
dollnhs once" replied Uncle Eph'm IN. stin-
ly '.jcs' as ] STOOD
The Springfield herald., 1904-11-25

Piho's Cure for Consumption Is an infnllible
medicine for coughs and colds--N. w. SAMUEL
Ocean Grove. N. j.. Feb. "a. 1000
The Springfield herald., 1904-11-25

Little Robbic-Grandma, | know
why you talk so much. Grandma-
Well, why is 1t, dear? Little Robbie
Cause you has got II double chin.
The Springfield herald., 1904-11-25

Hamlin's Blood and Liver Pills cure
constipation and all the Ills due to 1t;
Csc at your druggists.
The Springfield herald., 1904-11-25

The Observation-Disclosures, that's about
the twentieth girl I've seen you whisper
Ing to this morning. What are you tell
Ing them all? Maggie-Oh. it's II secret
Irf
The Springfield herald., 1904-11-25

Father (scverely)-I notice that Charles
kissed you on leaving again Tonight, /
tell you frankly | don't like 1t. Daughter
(sweetly)-Perhaps not. papa, but Charles
The Springfield herald., 1904-11-25

Senator Hanna having declared that he
knows of over 500 children that have been
named after him, a parnErapher wants
to ask II he counts all the Hnnnnhs.
The Springfield herald., 1904-11-25

BeGar-"How is your healt'?"
Smaggs-"Im Just up from sick
bed
BeGar-"Strange! Vat is ze matter
wiz re bed?"
The Springfield herald., 1904-11-25

Mrs. winslow's Soothing syrur.
For children teething. Softens the gums redue y IN
damms stion sllAys pain cures wind collie. 25c bottle
The Springfield herald., 1904-11-25

Little Wiliie-Pa? Mr.. Hennypeck-
Well my son? Little Willic-ls IA bald
eagle one that's married?
The Springfield herald., 1904-11-25

Charles-Dld the tailor take your meas
tirc? Algy-I think he did. He said I'd
have to pay In advance.
The Springfield herald., 1904-11-25
THE TIME TO LAUGH.
SOME GOOD JOKES. ORIGINAL AND
SELECTED.

Pleased with the Hour. or the Ready
wit of Son of the Emerald Isie-A
Large Covcy - Figuring Out Her
share.
Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1904-04-14
French Thrift.


From the Portland Oregonian:
France has suffered more by war thar
any other country in the world for the
30 years hat ended with the close OF
the Franco-Gcrman war of 1901. The
destruction OF property of all sorts in
France in the wars OF Louis XIV. liz
those of The French revolution and in
the Napoleonic wars must have been
enormous. The German invasion and
conquest of France was enormously
destructive of property. The money
indemnity exactcd by Germany was u
terrible burden. And yet today. after
thirty years of peace and regeneration.
France is again a prosperous nation.
and has been able to lend Russia mil
lions. The French are keen traders
and able financiers; but o all the
French peasant In the provinces. he
French working classes in the cities.
have all been educated to practice
economy and to ahhor avoidabie waste.
Industry and economy are hereditary
virtues among the French working
classes, AMI ecaus of this they live
better on small wages thar my civ
iliZed people in the world.
Forest City press. (Forest City, Potter County, D.T. [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1904-04-14
An Easy Way TO Do 1t.

Mineral. Idaho. April 11.--Mr. ~. $.
COlSOu of this place has something 10
say which will he of interest To many
men. MIR. Colson claims to have found
a simple way to get rid of pains in
the back. Sciatica or rheumatism. He
has cured himself and so claims per-
sonal experience in proof of his meth.
cd.
Mr.. Colson says:
II had awful pains in my hip. They
got so bad ut last that l could hardly
walk. | tried several things. but got
no relief till l began to use Dodd'S
Kidney Pills and l had taken but II
few of these pills till the pain left nle
entirely.
"Dodd's Kidney Pills certainly did
me lots of good. and l consider them
IL great medicine"
The remedy that cured Mr.. Colson is
the same that has been making such
sensational cures of Bright's Disease.
Diabetes, Dropsy and Rheumatism all
over the country. The name of the
Medicine is Dodd's Kidney Pills.