The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1904-06-25
THE NONPAREJL MAN
How Bunch OF shaksperean Boys
Threw Dog Catcher Incident Into Eliz-
abethan Prose.

During the winter just passed several
little boys along our avenue have been
listening with more or less interest to
readings from Shakspere's plays. Last
week the mother of two Of them was sur
prised to hear the following dialog short
~ after the passage Of the dog catcher
thru the street:
"Methinks, Malvolio, mine ears detect
In yonder varied sounds canine annoy
ance.'
It's most true. Claudio. The staccato
ki-yi Of the untagged pup procaims dog
catcherly activity"
What no! without! Decennius and
faithful Cato, hast fast within his roomy
house me favorite collie, Ponto?''
Aye. my lord. Most fast indeed.
upon the rafting end of his most strenu-
GUS and Objectionable chain, as well
know by cause of his quite fearsome
and dentatory jousts with Cato's breeched
and active neither limb, tho now he rest
eth quietly inkennelled, in eager argu-
ment with yestreen steaks frayed out
and odorous bone.'
"'Tis well, my lusty heroes, and most
well. Let the good game proceed
Then came one Of the most fearful
outcries you have ever heard. Both papa
ter. The small boy had eaten his first
green apple, withered.
II knew that something was in the
herr said the father.
He had heard that sound before.
Street commissioners remind us
We can make our lives crime,
And, departing, leave behind us
Curses filth and dust and CRIME.
+ . g II.
A York, Me-. judge has ruled that the
father of a girl has a right to throw her
young man out of doors If he hangs around
after II pm. Father will be glad to be
backed up in his actions by legal opinion
but he would throw the cuss out anyway
if he felt like it.
The president of Brown university ir
his tobaccolaureate says 'the American
people are bound nowhere, under full SAIL
A regular holiday excursion, isn't it.
Rev. Samuel P. Montgomery, of Pitts.
burg, well known United Presbyterian
preacher, had some mining stock which he
tried to unload on members Of his flock
Elder Edward P. Heath thought this as {
business was unclerical and he said SO tt
Mr.. Montgomery at a church meeting. The
pastor, who was a muscular Christian
promptly knocked the elder down. Mr.
Heath jumped up and the two clinched TO-
a moment, but the preacher landed once
more and the elder went down and out.
Mr.. Heath then caused the arrest Of tn
pastor for assault with intent to do grea
bodily harm.
Now, strange as this may seem, tn
wrangle has caused great scandal an
commotion among the congregation an
there are those who do think the pastor
usefulness has been minimized.
| A sedate and apparently contented cit
izen of Ottawa, Kan, mysteriously dis
appeared not long ago. No explanation
| could be given until a letter arrived TO
his son. It read:
"To Willie Lee: On the road to no
where, or anywhere, don't care. Wei
Willie, you will find in that old stan
drawer package marked deeds and l
| it you will find a quitclaim deed tina
gives you all my rights and claims j
the property. You and your ma can d
what you please with it.
It seems that the old man got tire
of the monotony and simply quit, turnin
over all his effects to the family. A
| he asked for war something different. II
will probably find it.
The LIE Sueur News Blockhead col
unn 80 It calls itself, says that the lii
AZ ~ 49,
bed of roses. It has it's hard features an
it's disbursements, as well as its sum
side The News man heard at the annus
meeting of the Society for the Preventio
of Good Will Toward Men, somethin
about the rural carrier which made hi
sad. All the ladies brought their SEWN
and in the course of the conversatio
complained Of the rural carrier.
Seems to me, we're hardly getting an
mail at all nowadays" says number on
1--WE used to get such a lot when we too
our mail at the postoffice. rather thin
there is a lot of carelessness about th
free-delivery business
And so it went on. But finally 1t cam
out that the rural carrier had been uti
lied by the ladies to buy wedding present
in town for them, to match ribbon, to &c
three and quarter yards of lace, to tax
the baby buggy in his wagon and get
mended, to send verbal message to Mr.:
Smith, to buy a paper Of pins, etc., etc.
| The r. F. D. is a pretty handy man
have around after all. He might stan
for a, glass Of lemonade and a smile no
and then when he drives up. Such littl
attentions are not wasted even on tn
callous government servant.
"A. J. r.