The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-01-10


cork suited him clear down 20 the
ground. He hardly needed a leg anyhow.
and half the machinery OF this one rusted
One fatal mistake. however, Alonzo made.
Warned by his past experience, he felt that
he ought TO make a little provision against
the future, he looked around for an in
vestment. One day he read that Mr.. Rus
sell PierrepOnt ROckyschwab the great
hnancier and promoter advised young men
TO invest in stock of the international Cold
Brick Combine Alonzo bought In a week
or so Gold Brick stock began 70 go down.
and in about ten days IL hit bottom SO
again then, but in the meantime Alonzo
and about four hundred thousand other
and overcoats for meal-ticket money Mr.
Russell Pierrepont Rockyschwab only
smiled and gave out another interview.
To Alonzo things looked as black as a
politicians character the day after his first
nomination. The minute the housekeeper
and the valet and the cook found out he
hadn ( the price of yesterdays street car
transfer they wanted their wages and they
needed the money in hurry. They had
him nearly nervous when this telegram
came and made them mighty respectful
again:
''Can you fill order for two sound.
healthy arms? Mine crushed in automo-
bile smash.-Reggie Vantackle."
Same price," answered Alonzo. rising
to the occasion. Five thousand per joint.
or twenty thousand and two patent arms
for the lot Operation TO be performed in
my apartments
Reggie was tickled with his new arms.
They were much better preserved than his
own and soCn as he had the fresh and
unrestrained muscles trained DOWN he was
delighted to find he had nearly double his
old strength. And laziness. Why there
wasn't a particle Of IL in the new arms
They were quick and eager that he found
himself in a dozen fights inside OF month";
AlonzO was happy too. He had pair OF
electrical arms that were fine TO feed him
self with and that held pipe perfectly
and what more did man with money
want? And did he invest any of this money
in International Gold Brick stock? Oh mol
Little old I per cent and get II for
miner' he declared. "Alonzo, the orphan
che-ild, bankers and pines no more for
gilt-edged cinches. IL / had a straight tip
from the angel Gabriel 1 wouldn't bet a
peanut hull on the date of the final toot-
Not AlonzoI'
So he put his money i'm a savings bank
and lived happily ever after for about three
months. Along about that time the cashier
OF the bank went 10 honduras Tor ms
health and forgot to leave his address
Wise people, who knew how, split up wha-
was left and the receivers paid about nix
on the dollar 10 the common depositors.
OF course these common depositors crowd
ed around the bank and had a run for their
money but they didn't get any
Alonzo was once more in pickle, and to
make il worse Providence forgot him. Reg
gle Vantackle climbed mountains and
crossed Brooklyn bridge at the rush hour,
he automobiled and he interfered in do
nestle fights; he went hunting with anna
tours and ate candy sent him through the
everything, while starvation stared Alonzo
Rust in the face close enough 10 spit I'm his
eye. At last Alonzo got desperate enough
to stay awake and think, and he sent
Reggy this messages:
Cant 1 sell you the other leg?"
Reggy didn't really need it just then.
but he was descended from a mighty
shrewd business man and he realized. right
away. that now he had the whip hand. 50
he answered:
zone thousand dollars. Take II or leave
it,"
There il was again! The merciless. grasp
ing hand Of the rich was Selling upon the
bitter necessities OF the poor. but what
good left leg, that he counted $1,000
asset, for one-tenth it's actual value. Reggie
was secretly delighted with the bargain.
for now he had a pair OF energetic limbs
that discounted his own WORKOUT ones
AS for AIonzo, he had learned wisdom
by experience and kept his money hid in
his pocketbook on top Of the center table.
where no thief would ever look for It By
strict economy he bid fair 10 make his
thousand dollars last him a full year. and
had dozed along. comfortably and happily.
for fully half that space OF time, when
fortune once more smiled In his direction.
Reggie Vantackle's yacht blew up one aft
ernoOn and tore out enough OF Reggies
ribs to stock a harem with Ewes. Dr.
Dunnerundblitz took an inventory OF him
and sent a telegram to Alonzo right away.
Brings the ambulance Herr Nantackle
by your house." it read. I'VE would your
trunk 10 BUY.
Alonzo almost became animated.
THE hour has camel" he exclaimed
Here is where i corner the market on
trunks. Now watch the quotations on hu-
man chests crawl clear of the blackboard
and uD the wall a ways.
So when the doctor came, Alonzo began
to dicker. and he dickered until Herr Dun
! beard and chopped the supply OF German
explosives into worthless fragments And
| AIonzo got his price. 1t was clean, round
lcfx In w
been safely made, Reggie said IL was worth
the money At first he was afraid that
| AlOnzo's laziness might affict him, but ~
| was q baseess fear. for his own natural
vigor seemed even increased by the substi-
| tuition.
Alonzo settled down TO enjoy a long LIFE
! of solid comfort. There wasn't anything
/ left OF him 10 sell but he mad enough money
| 10 last him tili the coroner called. Ills
body was Of aluminium and his limbs of
/ leather and steel, SO he looked forward 70
/ a good, ripe. old age Of perfect rcst ana
! contentment. To further this end he in
vested his money in the only stable and
permanent value-land. His property was
right along the seashore. where IL brought
/ him in a fine rental Tor summer resort pur-
poses, but one night a landslide happened
along there and carried the Alonzo Rust
strip a few miles out in the Atlantic. head
ed for Merrie England and still going
Alonzo was I'm despair but Dame Forums
/ had only once turned her back on him. and
/ she stayed with him this time until the
/ finish.
The night or the landslide ReggteS morse
/ ran away with him, and dumped him head
foremost into a New York subway exca-
/ walton. They hauled him out and Doctor
| Dunnerrundbhtz trepanned his skull TIL tho
| framework Of his head looked like a medal
lion inserted shirtwaist. IL such .
useless Uranium that the doctor was cts-
/ gusted.
VERY WELL" suggested Reggie. ''let az
| buy Alonzo's head"
/ The idea was too brilliant even 20 dis
] cuss so they did IL at once IL was easy
/ To strike a bargain with Alonzo, and the
/ doctor was about 10 perform the operation
/ when he had a sudden thought
| "Dunner Wetter," he cried. First should
we put hack this lofely ear where IL belongs
| aireattyt'
The work was delayed TO graft the orig
| inal ear hack on AlOnzO's head. then the
head was transferred 10 Reggies body-by-
| purchase.
| Now L have seen so many marvellous
| things that there is nothing especially re-
| markable in all this TO me, but nevertheless
| / am puzzled by two things. This last
! operation has only lately been completed
I and there has been no time 10 find out.
| VIII the made over Reggie be lazy like
| Alonzo? And who Is this present man
anyhow. Alonzo Rust or Reggie Vantacklef