The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1904-10-14
LAWYERS, FUNNY
STORIES =; :' J! e; i. :;:+';:
@1 Republic -

The last time 1 met William M.
Evarts, our late great lawyer and Dip
lomat, was on the Boston and Maine
train going up to his old Windsor, VT.
farm.
Have o seen your son Sherman
today7" I asked, holding up a newspa-
per with a quarter pag cut in 1t.
"No, I can't see anything you know;
Pm almost blind"
1t brought tears In my eyes to SEQ
the great statesman open his blind
ayes and still not be able to see Roger
Sherman Evarts. the boy he w%orshiped.
AS we passed New Haven I asked the
lawyer how one ought to lie In the Pull
man to sleep well-'head to the engine
or feet?"
You shouldn't come to a lawyer with
such q question as that. ELL" he said.
That's a railroad question. You should
go to a railroad man with that. You
should go to Depew."
But Depew is a lawyer, isn't he?" I
said.
We'll, yes, Depew is a lawyer-he is
a lawyer; but all the law Depew knows
wouldn't bias his answering any ques-
ton"
a moment afterward Evarts smiled dry
ly and said: when you ask me whether
You should lie on the right or left side to
slelp we'll. perhaps I ought to say that in
your case. Eli. you will lie anyway"
When Depew asked Evarts what he
thought eventually would become of all
the thoroughly wicked and depraved, he
said:
We'll. Mr.. Depew, they all probably will
practice law a little while, then eventually
so into politics and become congressman
or senator's"
Judge Brady. for many years a popular
city Judge in New York, could tell hun
dreds Of legal stories, especially about
Irish witnesses.
"One day." said the Judge. "O'Rafferty
was up before me for assaulting Patrick
Murphy.
an. o'Ratrerty.' 1 said, now. why did
you strike Mr.. Murphy?"
Because, yer honor, Murphy would
not give me a civil
: What was the civil question you asked
him?'
" I asked him as polite as yez phase, yer
honor, say I: Murphy, amt your own
brother the biggest thafe on Manhattan
Island. excepting yourself and yer uncle
who Is absint In the penitentiary in Sing
Singh"
And what rude answer did he give
to such a civil question:
H said to me: CAV course, o'Raf-
ferty. prisint company excepted" so
said: Murphy, you're another" and
thin. yer honor. 1 struck him wild me fist,
I did!'"
The most laughable and d.gnified. anti
climax perhaps ever made was made by
MIR. Evarts when he was ''swingine around
the circle" with President HAYES. Mr.
Evarts and a few friends drank the cham
payne and did the s~peechmaking during
the famous journey across the continent.
while President Hayes and Lucy, his
wlte, entertained the temperance people
and Y. M. c. AS
In Omaha a dinner was given to the
president and his rty, and as usual It
ieh upon Mr.. Evarts to make the after
dinner speech. In his speech. of course.
ne complimentsd the west and ended up
MS line OF sweet sayings in the following
anti-climax. delivered in the great ora
tors most dignifed and impressive man
ner:
Yes, gentlemen and ladies of Omaha. I
IKE your great and growing west. I like
her self made men: and the more l travel
west, the more I meet her public men, the
moro l am convinced Of the truthfulness
OF the bible statement that the wise men
came-came from eastI"
Ihen came a great cheer. ending in
shouts of laughter.
The only thing that saved you," said
toltor of the Bee, as he
grasped Evarts' hand, lis the fact that
there really are not ten men in this audi
ence that didn't come from the east
Your anti-climax is taken as a compli-
ment."
Horace Porter. lawyer and ambassador
% france. told me this story on Bishop
Potter: 1t seems that Bishop Potter en-
gagged a worldly coachman who formerly
was employed by Richard Croker, the
patron saint of Tammany Hall.
On Sunday morning. said General Por-
ter, the new coachlnan drove Bishop Pot
Ter to the rear entrance of Grace church
on Fourth avenue, and then started for a
saloon across the way.
Here. Patrick" said the surprised
bishop, don't go in there! Come back"
But Patrick went right into the saloon.
stayed q moment. and came out wipinv
his mouth on his sleeve. N
DIDN'T you hear me call you, Patrick? p.
asked the bishop sternly.
us. yer reverence. I did-indade.
olu.. sale Pat regretfully.
But why didn't you come back?,
~ would have stopped, yer reverence,
saia rat humbly. but on me soul-bad
luck to mel didn't have the price fer
one drink" e
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