The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1904-09-28
you WAS AN OLD LIAR uNp a FRAUD.

you WAS AN OLD LIAR UND FRAUD"
a doctors bill Of $50. l don't want to
pay him. If moot over to New Jersey
Will be all right?"
II can't say aboudt dot" says.
"But Why not? Dot sign says ad-
vice.
ut vhas some odder advice. 1t vhas
advice to you not to get drunk und
lick your wife"
ooh, l see. You advice und you
don't advice. Well, l hat some adj
vice to gif you for nottings. You vhas
an old liar und a fraud, ind If you
Will come outdoors l shall make your
heels break your neck"
In fife minutes womans comes in.
She hat black eye und vhas weep
ing. 1t vhas two minutes before she
can speak to me, und den she says:
"Cobbler, I can't live dis way no
longer. l vhas ready to go und drown
myself. like some advice about my
husband, und If you gif it to me you
shall hat all my shoes to mend"
did your husband gif you dot black
eye?'
"He did, und he pulls my hair und
throws me downstairs. Shall run
AWAY from him und marry somepody
else or shall stay on und be killed."
II Will tell you how it vhas,' says.
you go by der police court und git
some warrants und hat dot old william
sent to jail und disgraced. He vhas
only some loafers."
what? You call my husband Names"
II do. A man who Will strike a wo-
mans is brute und should be in jail"
"How dare you talk like dot to me?"
she yells, ash she grows red in der
face. 81 like you to understand, sir,
dot my husband vhas one of der best
men in his wide world, und vhas no
womans to hear somepody abuse him."
"But don't he black your eye?'
"He does, but try to black his first. :"
"He throws you downstairs
"But l try to push him out of der
window
"Vhell, it vhas my free advice to
you dot he vhas great big loafer, und
If you don't put him in Jail you
"stop. If you say one word more, I
shall pull out all der hair on your head.
Cobbler, you vhas one Of der meanest
men l ever met, und l shall go bare
foot ten years before l shall let you
fix my shoes for me. I Will tell my
husband, und he Will come here und
make you whoop."
pellet shall take dot sign AWAY,
but before I can do so an old bum
comes in. try to keep him oudt, but
he sits down und begins to cry und
says:
"Cobbler, hat been looking for ad.
vice for more ash three months, und
may heafen bless you for your kind.
ness. You see how it vhas NIT me. It
vhas all my fault dot l vhas a bum,
und now like to brace oop und be
somepody. You shall gif me advice"
What aboudt?'
"Aboudt my future. Do you advice
me to take one last drink und brace
oop und go to congress?
lido"
"shall dot last drink be some beer or
gin?"
ut vhas better dot you drink beer, l
guess"
"Bless your noble heart. l belief dot
vhay too. One last drink, und den l
shall brace oop, und When you hear Of
me in congress you can feel proud dot
you adwiced me. All right, my gallant
hero. Can you sent oudt for it?'
"For what?'
"For dot beer. Get at least two
quarts"
But l shan't buy you any beer.
Don't try some games on me, old
bum"
mo beer?" he shouts. Don't you
help me to brace oop und be manr
mo, SIR"
"Don't you want to see me in con-
gress?"
II don't care"
"Ah, ha! You rouse my hopes but
10 dash 'em to earth. You gif me free