Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1904-11-11
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"He comes of a distinguished fam
fly, believe" ''Yes. His people have
worn glasses for three generations."-
Exchange,
IF you dare kiss me again will call
papa" Il thought you said your faith
er was in Californian He is."-
Houston Post.
First Doctor-Then we decide not to
operate. Second Doctor-Yes. What
do you think we ought to charge him
for deciding not to rate?-Brooklyn
Life.
Lady, have nothing to give you,
my poor man, but some cold sausages
Knight of the Road-'Scuse ME, mum,
but don't your sign say, Beware Of
the Dog?'
Clarinda-You can't keep dog in
your new fat? Florinda-No, we had
to give Fido away; but Frederick had
bis dear little bark put in our phono-
graph. - Cincinnati Commercial Trib-
une.
A teacher was explaining to little
girl how the trees developed their
foliage in the springtime. "Oh, yes"
said the little miss, 81 understand; they
keep their summer clothes in their
trunks"
Doctor" queried the inquisitive per-
son, "do you believe that the cigarette
habit causes weak minds?" Not nec-
essarily," replied the NJ. D.; ''as rule
it merely indicates em.''-Chicago
Daily News.
whats that racket down there?"
shouted the old gentleman from the
head of the stairs. 81 think" promptly
replied his up-to-date daughter, that
it was Bob dropping his voice when
he proposed to me-"
Macintosh boasts good deal about
his family, doesn't he?" "Yes, think
he claims that the head of his family
was the original Macintosh that Noah
had with him during that rainy sea-
son."-Philadelphia Press.
Bridget-Why, Master Tommy, what
ever is the matter? Tommy-I've hurt
my Inland in the h-hot water. Bridget
-Shure, thin, it serves you right. You
should have felt the water before you
put your hand in!-Punch.
"What is love?" asked the sweet girl
who was looking for chance to leap.
Love-" replied the old bachelor, '1s
kind of insanity that makes a man
call two hundred pound female his
little turtle dove."-Chicago News.
Mrs. Muggins- husband is per-
feet crank. Mrs. Buggins-All hus
bands are, my dear. Mrs. Muggins-
But fancy Il man who complains that
my mustard plasters are not as strong
as those his mother used to make!
Maud-See this ring? Archie gave
it to me the other evening. Irene -
l thought l recognized it. You'll find
it has a rough place just under the
setting that will make your finger
sore.-Cincinnati Commercial Tribune
A junfsr student Cornell Univer-
sity, in rendering an account to his
father of his last terms expenses, en-
tered as an item: Charity, thirty dol
lars" His father wrote back: II fear
that charity covers multitude of
SINS" -...--.
DO you think they'll be happy now
they're married?" "Well, l don't see
why not. They eat the same kind of
breakfast food, take the same brand
of dyspepsia tablets, and wear the
same make of hygienic underwear"
Town Topics.
81 suppose, Senator" she said, ''that
you try to keep in touch with the fnan-
cial interests Of the country" eff 1
didn't, my dear girl, I'd have to cut
down my livin' expenses or practice
law a good deal harder than l do be-
tween sessions.
A Little Rusty: THE bride seemed
quite nervous, didn't she?" remarked
the first Chicago girl. Naturally" re-
piled the other; ''she's somewhat out
Of practice. It's the first time she's
been married since last year."-Phila-
delphia Public Ledger.
Visitor-What racket the steam
makes clanking through the pipes! Flat
Dweller (shivering)-Yes. 1t reminds
me of one of Shakspeare's plays. Vis-
itor - Which--"The Tempest?" Flat
Dweller-No. Much Ado About Moth
ing."-Town ard Country.
A teacher in an East Side school in
trying to explain the meaning Of the
word slowly" illustrated it by walk
ing across the floor. When he asked
the class to tell him how he walked,
a boy at the foot of the class shouted,
"Bow-legged, ir."-Lippincott's
81 lost my foot in the war;" said the
tramp, land I'm trying to raise enough
money to get out to California" what
do you want to so to California for?"
asked the woman at the door. "Oh.
I've heard that there are things which
grow a foot in a day out there. ."-Yon-
kers Statesman.
Friend of the Family want to
give your husband birthday present.
What do you think would please him
most? Mrs. Kutely-Oh, a Stickpin.