The Savannah morning news., 1904-03-20
Social Etiquette
Up 10 Date
MOURNING
When Is and Not Proper Send Flowers for the Dead
Concerning Letters Of Coincidence and Verbal Expressions
OF Sympathy-RuIes Which Regulate the
HabiIimentS Of Woe
BY MARGARET Won sruYpEN TRACY.

One of the important things in the
etiquette of mourning is to remember
that when an obituary notice saws
please omit flowers" it has no appli-
cation to relatives, who send their
floral offerings to the house, whence
they are sent on to the church. The
request that flowers be omitted is de-
signed to cut off the offfciousness of
strangers, or pushing folks who try
to secure some notoriety or intimacy
with a family through the opportunity
Of their loss.
A story is told of a cart load of
gorgeous lily crosses and orchid
crowns being returned to number
of social climbers, who, though
strangers to an important society
leader, hoped to gain her favor by
sending these ill-timed signals of SYM
pathy on the death of her child.
When funeral takes place at
country house, white flowers or vio-
let's, a fresh bunch twice day, are
tied in with the black or white stream
ers which are placed on the door.
Bride roses or lilies of the valley
maE be appropriately used for a
young girl or a child.
Bride roses were used for this pur-
pose and for other decorations at the
funeral of a pretty young woman who
died on the eve of her marriage. Her
pallbearers were her six bridesmaids.
They wore their white wedding
gowns, but upon their heads, instead
of the picture hats which they were
to have worn at the wedding, were
full wells of white chiffon, falling
over their faces. They carried roses
When the deceased is an elderly
person only crepe is used on the door.
For a person in middle life, broad
streamers of black silk mourning rib
bon are used and for young, unmar-
reid persons. broad, white gros-
grained streamers.
Many little questions Of etiquette
arise with regard to condolence for
bereaved friends, and many a kindly
impulse is checked for want of the
knowledge of what to do.
Whatever is done must be done at
once, and the time is often wasted in
hesitating until the opportunity is
lost forever
A letter Of coincidence is very difficult
to write, more so than a letter of
thanks, which comes second in the way
of epistolary trials. In seasons of sor-
row people naturally both like and
look for the sympathy of their friends.
Sympathy is more grateful to the
mourner than many people think. Even
though the mourner does not seem to
notice or appreciate it when offered
she really feels it, though perhaps un-
consciously, and as certainly remem-
bers it afterwards.
Every one has not the pen of
ready writer, and in a letter of condo
lence it is difficult to hit the happy
medium. The letter must not be for
NAL, neither must it be diffuse. A short
letter is always advisa ble-just a brief
line Of sympathy sent directly the
death is announced. Never touch on
any subject other than the bereave-
ment.
Grief is an absorbing passion, and
any attempt at diverting the mourner
would be greatly out of place at such
time.
A visiting card, with a few words
of sympathy, is now quite as often
sent as a letter, particularly where
there is no intimacy. The cards are
left in person at the door.
After the funeral the family that is
socially prominent enough to have re-
ceived a large number of letters and
cards has a card engraved in the
third person, reading more or less as
follows:
Mrs. Diedrich Knickerbocker begs
to express the deep-felt appreciation
of the thoughtfulness that prompted
all expressions of sympathy in the be-
reavement of her family"
To an intimate friend person
might prefer to write brief note of
thanks, rather than to send the for
NAL card.
When making visit of coincidence
let your sympathetic manner and
warm pressure of the hand show that
you do not ignore your friends grief,
but do not be the first to speak of it.
When attending a funeral plain
black garb should be worn, out Of
courtesy.