Clarke courier. [volume] (Berryville, Va.) 1869-1997, 1904-08-03
LIES THE MAPS TELL
NOT ABOUT LOCATION. BUT IN THE
MATTER OF NAMES.

/ Sea biack-Ihe herman Ocean Isn't
German, and rt Isn't an Ocean.
In few places will you find mora
healthy. robust lies TO the square inch
than an average map, and this is the
document that is daily placed IN the
hands OF our young.
Begin up north and take Greenland.
Was there ever a more fragrant impos-
tUre than the name OF this country
J IL isn't green and never was green and
never viii be green. Here is what the
gazetteer says about this green" coun-
4 try:
1t is high and rocky and barren. 1t
is covered with eternal snow and gla-
ciers. July is the only month in which
there is no snow" There's a picture OF
Grecnness for you,
How did il get called green? Well,
/ by an INSCRIPTIONS falsehood on the
part OF tenth century reprobate
| called Eric the Red OF Iceland This
ancient shark accidentally ran against
the ice patch in question with few
other Icelanders Of his own kidney.
# for all he was worth.
He called il Greenland and 10 delude
the Iceland investors and general pub
lie said II was wonderful green coun-
| Try. which he wished them To visit
with their families and take shares in
some mines he had discovered. Well.
| some Of the deluded creatures went.
They never returned to good old Ice
| land any more
But there are plenty OF equally gross
impostures Take the Black sea. for
instance Why black? Who said It
was black: IL is no more black than
It IS pink or purple. The ancients call
ed II the "Euxine"-which means in
/ hospitable"-Sea That was another
good old fiction. 1t is not at all an in
hospitable sea. Tor. having no tides. ii
/ is one OF the easiest 20 navigate. Now
and again there are big storms. just to
/ give the sea realistic touch. but gen
I orally speaking il isn't black. and IL
isn't inhospItable.
| The Cape Of Good Hope, Good
\ Hope. indeed, Ask anybody who has
/ been round that prOmontOry what they
think Of IT, The only good hope" they
/ experience Is a good hope that they
Will soon get ashore. for Il is one OF
/ The toughest and stormiest places
/ Snown 10 mariners. What we should
! call q cyclone on the North sea would
/ Oe smiled at round the cape as a bit OF
\ breeze. The gentleman who called it
| Cape OF Good Hope was a crude sort
/ CT humOrist he made his money IN
/ the king business, styling himself John
/ II OF Portugal. His faithful subject
/ Diaz discovered It and told his majesty
I that he had called II the stormy
cape" But the king would have none
/ OF II. He said that he hoped Dlaz
would find something else round the
other side next time he went 10 the
cape. 50 he called IL Cape Of Good
Hope
Why the Dead sea- The locality
may be as dead as a doOrnan. but the
sea itself is pretty lively. 1t is the
safest piece OF water on the face OF
the earth. ten times as salt as the
ocean. OF course there is no particular
vegetation roundabout. and the sea Is
free from monsters. but that doesn't
make the sea itself dead Ii is really
a most live sea.
Why English channel? It's no more
English than it's French. The French
themselves don't call it English at all.
but simply la Manche"
Then was ever a more absurd name
given 10 that bit OF water which sepa-
rates England from Holland. called
the German ocean? Why German7
There's nothing German about il and
never has been. Dutch. Belgian OF
British, II you ike. but not German.
Then why ocean, 1t is not an ocean at
al. There is piece Of water that size
between Australia and Tasmania. II
anything rather wider, which they call
4 strait-Bass strait. Just fancy the
absurdity Of teaching the child mind TO
think that crossing 10 Ostend or Ant
werp is an ocean trip.
North sea, too, is absurd. Why north?
1t Is not north OF anything In particu-
lar. 1t is east OF Britain. west OF Hol-
land, Belgium and Denmark and south
OF Norway and Sweden. II is not n
north sea at all
There are some islands ia the Pacific
why Pacific, by the way? Where
does the peace come in on that desc
late, typhOOny, billowy, tidal why VIII
derness called the Friendly islands?
Look at the encyclopedias version OF
their friendliness: They are volcanic.
and earthquakes are frequent Islands
are frequently upheaved. Hurricanes
are constant" Then the friendly M
lives, The sole reason the islands We're
called Friendly IS because when Can
tain Cook visited them he found the
natives had not got any arms. So they
We're friendly. No doubt. But when
the missionaries tried TO convert them
they had different tale to tell. For
thirty years they endured n periIous
struggle with the savage paganism OF
the inhabitants"
l could call your attention to dozens
more OF cases Of monstrous mendacity
ON the part of the map. But the editor
has just taken away my atlas.-Pear-
sons Weekly
CIubmen's Real Worries
McJigger-Here's a rather clever lit
tie book, "Don'ts For Clubmen."