New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1904-04-16

THE WISE MAN.
There Is a man In our town
who Is so wondrous wise
He never makes a rise.
He scorns a penny on the walk;
He wouldn't kick a hat;
He picks his way Ter tripping strings
AS nimbly as a cat
OF cotton food he will not essi
-, CLEARS ne ,.,t fails ~ to ,, smoke;
The most allurins joke.
At notes he doesn't look:
He passes with unsecing eye
Tho ancient pocketbook-
Yes II is uselessness to try,
BY any scheme or art,
To make him April fool
He is too plagued smart
And vet this man Is always poor,
Because each month he spends
And hopes for dividends-
He dabhles some IN mining claims.
And when the month is through
II anything IS left he'll try
a get-rlch scheme or two.
Each day he plays tho slot machines.
He'll always bet ten:
And at the bucketshops he takes
A flyer now and then
And that is why he's deep in debt
think ofttimes It pays
To save your April smartncss for
SUM "a WV E(Counci Bluffs NonpareiL
Here's a new widows mite" story. A widow IN
West Bromwich, England recently obtained a
farthing In q breach of promise action she brought
against a faithless sweetheart She put II IN
the window of her tobacco shop with a printed
warning to trusting women to beware Of "Mizpah'
rings and inviting men TO come and buy breach
OF promise cigars" and widows mite cigarettes"
The result was such big business that the police
had 10 stand by to keep the pavement clear while
nineteen men, mostly widowers. came and offered
themselves IN marriage.
Shall I say that you very fond Of America,
as usual?' asked the press agent.
wait till have the books balanced" answered
NC PRIME Gonna w1ta @ tS s 90 @
may say that love America; II they are less you
refinement" -(wnshington Star.
In the last census paper from India there arc
some queer answers under the head OF Profess
sion" One Hindoo says he Is an EYE cleaner"
another "a tale bearer from house 10 house" An
other gives his source OF income as begging from
relations"
Oh where is mighty Kitchener.
And Ellen stoneNah. what OF h.r7
We hear her name no more.
And what's Coin" Harvey doing now.
And "Sockless" Jerry, say?
Where's Captain Lemly. anyhow
Has Funston passed away2
Where's Baden-P Powell. now. and who
Is watching Simon Sam2
Oh. what's become of Patty du.
Whose other name was Clamr
Who. when the snowhakes fly next fan.
May name one Russian chap.
Or still be able to recall
The name of any Jap?
Chicago Record-Herald-
One OF the queerest and most Isolated churches
III England is that of little gray edihce in the
valley Of westdale Head. Cumberland. 1t is over
four hundred years old, and has only two windows
and eight pews. The pulpit is lighted by q slit of
glass in the roof little bell hangs loosely IN the
open belfry, and on stormy nights dreariy mingles
It's tones with the wind and thunder
'I wasn't always In this condition. said the
ossfed man in the dime museum.
How did it happen?' asked the obese lady.
"a girl gave the marble heart and II
spread" explained the hardened freak-(Chicago
News.
In Kansas ministers to bo moro versatile
than they IN the conventional East Thus we
read IN THE Americus Greeting" that "ths Rev
W. L. Richardson. the preacher. painter and poet
of Dunlap. down Monday and commenced
work W. II. Patton's residence. He will paint
It outside and in. and paper most of the rooms.
He is brilliant conversationalst q good musician
and prominent member OF the gun club
found It smiling IN the mornings dew.
About her mouth will make the line compieteS.
Take it and learn its message ever new.
A painstaking compiler says that Columbia Uni
versty from its foundation IN 1854 to the end Of
the last academic year. has conferred 1850 degrees
That represents honorable share in intellectual
work in the United States by the time honored
Kings College and its successor. tho Columbia of
to-day.
Ciara-Didn't your best fellow lose arm in the
Maud-Yes. But he still has enough to 20 round
-IAfs - .