The Washington times., 1904-09-04

there was no ball game an
~ was fggerin' up my bat
in an fieldin' percentages,
Pinch Hobbs. who had been sittin' with
his eyes closed an rockin' to an fro,
broke in on my pencil work with:
'Al' idee like that is worth money,
an m goin' to get money out ov it
or my name amt William Henry Harri-
son Hobbs,
"You see. Pinch hadn't been doin'
anything in the way O. ideas for a long
time. an Josh Hapgood an his pneu-
matte baCkstop an Gonfalon Kelly an
his elusive ball an attractive bat had
held the middle o. the stage, so knew
IL was about time for Pinch TO spring
something clever. For Pinch is al
ways thinkin' an always springin'
ideas o. some sort When he amt
schemin' 10 beat somebody eIse's
schemes he's schemin' out schemes O.
his own. an that was how il come that
he suddenly sot up that day an
banged his hand down on his knee an
said:
A Money 'Tdee."
An idee like that is worth money
CT looked at him an says:
Good gosh. Pinch. when you know
how I do love figgers an am up against
a job like this here. what makes you
bust in on me when I'm countin' up on
my fingers how many times six goes
into forty-seven an have three left
over? Now I got to start the hull dunn
thing goin' again
Pooh. pooh. Hag'. says he, wavln
his hand. Throw away your pencil, or
else use il TO figger up the money thatU
be comm TO us when my latest inven-
tion goes into effect. You won't need
to hgger any more battin' averages.
anyhow. Why? Because. you'll always
have 1000 per cent, an you won't have
TO divide six into forty-seven. nor twelve
into fifteen. nor nothin.'
&c Pinch says !. you're too good a
ball player to be foolin' around with
these idees so much. First thing you
know they'll have you down an out
like Gonfalon Kelly. Leave the schem-
in to the managers an just play ball
Advice Not Wanted.
" Hag, says Pinch. running his fin
gers through his red hair SOS to give
his brain chance to cool off. .Hag.
I'd follow your advice. only it amt
possible. Besides. the late an lamented
GOnfalon's schemes were too compIi-
Gated to be any good. This here one
o. mine is as simple as daylight it
SELF
'wel,' said I. since you have got
Il on your mind 7 s'pOse YOU might
az well let me know what it is. What's
il for2 Who works #? An which
spout does the money come out %
Now, Hag,' said the greatest short
stop that ever lived. I've got it all
diagramed out here on a piece o.
paper
with that he put down in front o.
me DRAWN representa- a grandstand,
an right in front o. the grandstand was
what looked like a great big funnel
pointed down right over the home plate
Of a baseball field which he had laid
out
Now says he, here it is. You see,
il always struck Pinch Hobbs eco
nomical brain that when these great
audiences O. three or four thousand
PEOPLE that we have out 10 see our
games get up an holler an hoIler an
scream an wave their hats an stamp
an holier some more at some critical
point in the game, why, as 1 said. It
always struck me that there was
great loss o. power. 1 says to myself,
Pinch Hobbs. says /. you got great
brain, you know how 10 ngger things
ONAs anu tal L you niger OAt "a plan
whereby all that there hot air an lung
power can be collected an reduced into
foot pounds or pressure or some other
durn thing an made 10 do some good?
says that to myself an then / really
begin to hgger, an the hggcrin' that I
did resulted in this
o. Resulted I'm what2' says I Ioolyiu'
around.
Sensible Diagram
why. I'm this here diagram. II Won
look at it close youu see how simple it
is Them lines. A, 3, &. and d. drawn
from the top an bottom o. the grand
stand to the wide an capacious mouth
o. that there funnel, show the convergin'
lines where the yellin' IS goin' 20 run
into it,
How do you know Il will7' says I.
90 Because it will, you contrary galoot.
It's got 20. Now. II you'll quit your
durn knockin', I'll show you how the
machine works.
As I said, a, 3, c, an show how
the crude hurrahs an cusses an cheers
an advice an meows an BIyls from the
excited an rampant populaoe all enter
into the mouth o. that funnel. In scien-
tihc terms. it's the hopper o. the Hobbs
Power Dynamo Air Compressor. Now
you've heard an audience yell when
you've lifted the ball out o. the lot
sometimes2'
Il nodded.
Hot Air Machine.
q" Tt seemed 20 rock the durn earth,
an pretty near took the roof o the
house of. didn't it, Well, think what
A tremendous effect that powerll have
when it's conserved inside o. the Hobbs
power dynamo an air compressor
d" 'WhatH you DO with IL when you
git il in thereg says ].
Wait says ne. I'm comm to that
Now. this here point I've marked J..
is the mouth o. the funnel-a little point
ed mouth with n hole no bigger'n a gar
den house into the end o. IT, Say. he's
slow runner. BY a cOntriVance con
trolled at the players bench the nozzle
is pointed down the first base line. He
hits the ball a tap 10 third. say. an
starts for first.
% Ordinarily that guy would get