The National tribune., 1904-05-05

ELLIE mt6s CUs, Del
announcing the death of the father of the
addressee. 1t is expected that the defense
will be that the Postmaster wished TO break
the news gently. If that plea in exten,la-
ton shall prove effective in court, many
equally meritorious excuses can doubtless
be found for other lamentable failures in
prOmptness.
NO DISCOUNT FOR CASH.
A little man with a long beard ap-
preached the window with shuttle and
said
please, meester. When somebody would
stamps wholesale buy on cash, for What is
der discount! Three per cent? Yes!"
No. answered the clerk: I'VE sell just
as cheap retail rs we do Wholesale
lind for 30 days yust the same!"
1--WE do strictly cash business" said
the clerk.
I'm Brooklyn my brudder gets stamps
on discount for cash" replied the man.
Brooklyn must be outside of the United
States" remarked the clerk.
Then the stranger bought a dollars
worth of stamps, and when the clerk had
counted them out, said:
"Meester, please give me one extra for
luck
Cant do it," answered the clerk.
Next"
A MARROW ESCAPE.
A painful error occurred in q North
Carolina Office, with serio-ludicrous conse-
Quences. The incumbent of small, I'M
profitable office desired to resign. Not be-
ing informed about the etiquet of resigna-
tons from Office, he consulted friend, who
is Postmaster of a prosperous Office. The
latter consented to write the resignation
and to send it by messenger. But after
the prosperous Postmaster had written out
the resignation for his friend. he was called
away Unexpectedly and left the resignation,
with an envelope addressed to the Post
master General, lying upon the table. A
smart clerk observed the papers. supposed
they were routine matters, signed the pros
porous Postmaster's name to the letter of
resignation and away it went to Washing
ton. There was CONSERVATION in the Post
masters bailiwick when he learned what
had been done, followed by a telegraphic
resignation would be accepted. He hurried
there by the fastest express train that
travels northward, and succeeded in get
ting the resignation cancelled.
THIRsTING FOR REVENGE
Revenge Day" at the post office comes
every year, the day after st. Valentine
day, and the men and women at the wickets
are kept busy informing men with blood
in their eyes and women thirsty for VEN
geance that they can't tell them where this
or that particular envelope was mailed, or
what the person looked like who bought
the stamps for it.
"Once in WHILE" said a post-ofice
clerk, lone of these inquirers comes to the
window smiling and looking foolish. Then
we know that he or she has got one of the
lovey -dovey kind of valentines. with paper
lace and red hearts on it, and wants to
know who sent it. But that doesn't hap
pen often. Folks generally know who love
EN-, but it's harder work to keep track of
the people who have got it in for us and
send comics on Valentines Day.
"A man came in here year ago with an
awful howl and threatened to sue the Post
Office Department for alienation of his
wife's affections, as if the Post Office De-
partment didn't already have enough trou-
bles of its own.
"'You see my nose said the man. i
know it's little too red and little too
long, but my wife never thought so till
this morning. She thought was the hand
soonest man in the world, without a blem-
ish, until this morning, when she opened
this valentine that somebody sent me-.
"Then the man showed the valentine. Ii
was one of those pictures of a man all
nose. that somebody who didn't agree with
his wife about his looks had sent him.
Now, when my wife saw that he said
she looked at me and then at the valentine
Then she laughed and said she had never
noticed it before. When she kissed me
good-by she made bluff at pushing my
nose to one side out of the way. When
woman begins to feel that way it's all
over. She'll grow cold next
I'VE referred that fellow to the Bureau
of Combustibles.
another kick that remember was from
one of these scrawny women and the comic
she showed was dead ringer for her. One
man wanted to find out who had sent him
a comic picture of a OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES
citizen taking a drink all alone. He said
that the thing had put an end to all the
peace and confidence in his home. and that
he'd never again be able to say that he
chewed cloves and lovage root for his
liver"
KILLED THE CANARY.
REPRESENTATIVE Cooper. of Wisconsin. has
been sending very fine grass seed TO some
of his constituents for couple of years.
Last week he received this letter:
"Dear Mr.. Cooper: want to thank you
very much for the seed you have been send
ing me. Please do not send me any more.
as our canary died 10 DAYS ago. The bird
did not seem to thrive on the seed you have
been sending"
NIGHT ON THE YALU.
The Japanese and Russian armies were
facing each other for the first time. With
daybreak would come a decisive battle. The
stiffness of night was suddenly shattered
by a most astounding series of crashes. ex-
plosions and rumblings from the Russian
camp. The outburst threw CONSERVATION
among the japanese. The Mikado's field
commander leaped from his quarters.
Colonel" he commanded his Aid, "have
squad of the best scouts sent out at once