The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1904-02-11
naughty. oh, so naughty!

naughty. oh, so naughty!
Said Rube No. 1 to Rube 70. 2: :"How's
the dude getting along?" Dudel That
meant me. Fancy dude, big, fat and
husky with ten days beard on his
face, brogans on his feet, blue jeans
and hickory shirt and just off a
freight!
Rube No. 2 said that he believed |
was an imposter when I said I'd made
hay before today. Being patient
man, didn't reply. 1 was busy trying
to keep the scythe handle from poking
one of my eyes out.
After while the blisters came on
my hitherto ladjlike hands. I could
feel them swell. The sun commenced
to be very, very warm. The brOgans
became very, very heavy. wanted to
quit, but needed the money. was
getting $14 month and board. That
is, / was promised that. wanted to
work one month and with the munifi-
cent compensation would seek fields
anew. No! bar the fields. mean seek
streets anew. For be it known I was
very weary of the country. l had
reason to be for I'D been there nearly
four days and nights. Those nights!
The bullfrogs would croak right after
dark and when we had put away the
horses and all sat on the porch the
nightly concert was in full blast.
Our conversations were very edifying
and l am sure the farmers children
were benefited by them. Here's a
sample. The farmer would say:
"Seen old Hen Miller goin' to town
today with load of hogs"
The farmers wife would reply: eyes,
and you can just bet he'll come home
fuller'na tick with that rot gut whisky
from Shutdown"
Here one of the helpers from neigh
boring farm would break in with: "Old
Hen Miller kin afford to get drunk,
he's the richest farmer around yere!'
The farmers wife says: "Wall, rich
or not, he kin git the drnnkest of any
one ever seed in all my life. l mind
one time he went to town and got so
drunk they had to lock him up over
night in the calaboose and in the morn
ing he was just as drunk as when he
went IN. and he just raised Cain, so he
did, and he just made them all stand
around. The police just couldn't do
nothin' with him so they let him be-,
and he just kept right on drinking,
and when he felt like it he went home.
Oh, they can't fool Old HEMP
One of the younger Rube's speaks up.
S US he: "What rights anybody got to
interfere with feller's pleasure any
4 wayp This yere's free America, 1t
is, and ii feller wants to git drunk let
him."
i At this I said: "Yes, let him, as
long as he doesn't bother other folks
or isn't menace to good order"
The farmer and his cohorts went for
me good and heavy and one blurted
out: aThat's the way with you dern
'ristocrats, allus want to cut off a
feller's pleasure" / saw the utter
futility of attempting to argue so
just listened.
The above conversation is literally
, true, and it didn't occur in the back
woods of Arkansas either.
q But I want to tell about my personal
!. pleasures in the country. In a day or
, two the farmer said we'd put the hay in
| to the barn. I was delegated to get up
i in the haymow and while the others
pitched the hay to me I'd pitch it back
to the wall. AS hay pitcher 1 was Y
, blooming success. If the hay came toe
t fast, just didn't pitch, but jumped on
it till it was level. It saved me work
) and the big huskies had to pitch higher
and harder. The dust we raised in
} that barn was the limit! It choked
l and blinded and sneezed and swore
i naughty, oh, 80 naughty! In fancy
/. could see the summer garden in Pork
r opolis, with its white aproned walters
! and its music and shade, and, yes, II
s confess 1t, its German lager beer; ani
/. / in reality heard freight whistle fol
! the siding just below the house. Tha
!. was, too much! / slid off tha hay and
Q cashed in. The farmer wanted to docl
9 me for the trips I'd made for drinkin,
), water during the six days of my servi
Q tude, but held him to the bond an(
s with nearly four great big silver wheel