davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1904-01-16
The wooden Indian.

Behold the wooden Indian,
Who stands outside the door,
And guards. with frown and Ratchet,
The old tobacco store.
he never beat a grocery bill,
He never told a lie.
He never took longing look
At bourbon, fzz, or rye.
Behold the wooden Indian
A mass OF oak and painti
BE never made a crooked move,
In faith, he Is a saint
He never bought a stack Of chips
And sat into a game;
He never rushed a chorus girl,
Or firted with a dame.
Behold the wooden Indian.
Who, on the other hand.
Was never known to help the poof
That fill our glorious land;
Who never heard the piteous CRY
or him who starved alone
Who never gave a hungry dog
So much as one small bone
Behold the wooden Indian
land clay Is much like wood,
Who never did a bit Of harm,
Nor Jet bit Of good.
His family Is not extinct
In fact, one often meets
A lot Of wooden Indians
A-walking on the streetsi
Sentinel
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1904-01-16
Lost IN AN OLD WORKING
Missouri Miner Nearly Meets Death in
an Abandoned Mine.

A4tkstafl amer nearly Hccts Dfatn IN I
An Abandoned Nine
For five days recently Tom Morrow.
a miner Of Joplin. Mo, was lost In
some disused chambers OF an abandon
ed mine. He was crazy when he found
his way out and bis black hair had
turned gray. Morrow is a miner with
eccentricities. and a month ago he told
his wife he believed he could 60 under
the city Of Joplin By following the
drifts Of abandoned shafts She
thought 1t a wild dream Of his and
paid no attention, but when be disap-
peared with the family lantern she
knew that he was carrying out the
idea suggested some time before. When
he had been absent day or two she
became alarmed and his friends were
Informed OF his disappearance. They
were not anxious to enter the under
ground path themselves and took no
steps to find him. but waited for his
return.
Though a maniac when found. Nor
rows reason is returning. and he has
some recollection OF what occurred. 1t
seems that during the early part OF his
journey he suddenly came upon a body
Of men working. They did not see him
and be beat retreat At another time
he came to shaft that descended
from the drift In which he was walk
ing. Although be was already many
feet beneath the surface Of the earth
he descended still further into the
ground
1t was after going down into these
deep drifts that he completely lost
his bearings. In vain he searched for
the shaft through which he had en-.
tered the deep passageways. He failed
to find an outlet to any Of the drifts
All OF them ended abruptly In walls OF
dirt and stone. How he ever escaped
from this underground tomb he doef
not remember. 1t was while in these
passageways that his lantern failed
him. For four days he told the time
by striking matches and holding then
near the face OF his watch. Then tbs
matches gave out and he lost all reck
oning Of time.
1t battles his wife and friends t.
know how he effected his escape from
the underground prison. They thinl
that perhaps after he had become de
ranged an instinct came to him which
directed him in the right course.
Morrow thinks that he covered a dis
lance Of many miles. He came out o
cave mile from the opening through
which he entered.
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1904-01-16
GREAT NAMES IN CONGRESS.
Men Whose Patronymics Mark Them
for Other Mems Notice.

Men Whose Patronymics Mark Them
for Other Mons Notice.
We cannot depend on the House Of
Representative OF the United States
Congress for a great deal, but we can
always trust it to supply roll cali
that is interesting and diyerting read
lng-untll 1t becomes an old story, says
the New York Mail and Express. Why
is 1t that men OF picturesque and even
remarkable cognomeps tend to drift
into Congress. especially in the South
and Westi Is it that the very nature
Of their names seems to devolve upon
them the duty to render these names
illustrious? Perhaps It is.
The Fifty-eighth Congress is no ex-
ception to the rule. There are men
here whose names ought TO have made
them famous even il they had never
gone to Congress or done anything else.
Not to speak OF Prince Cupid Kalania-
naolc Of Honolulu. whose name may be
the Hawaiian Smith for all we know,
we have on this new roll OF our coun-
try's fame the priceless name OF the
Hon. Swanger Sherley of Kentucky,
that Of Hon. Phanor Brazeale OF Louis
lana and that OF Hon. Justin d. Bow
ersock of Kansas. The Hon. Jefferson
Brick is now absent from the councils
Of the nation, but the family is ably
represented by the Hon. Abraham
Brick OF Indiana.
There are others. Let us pick out a
few patronymic gems at random:
Thetus w. Sims, Tennessee.
Parish Carter Tate, Georgia.
Ollie James. Kentucky.
Halvor STEVENSON, Minnesota
Champ Clark, Missouri
Jack Beall, Texas.
Carter Glass, Virginia.
Arsens P. Pujo, Louisiana.
The names OF Pou, Shook. Moon,
Dick, Crumpacker, Mudd, Skiles, Shull,
Snapp, Gooch, Licernash, Kluttz, Sho-
Der and spight continue to decorate
the roll. They surely were not born to
die. But why, may we ask, is the
name OF Bird" so popular among poll
tcians? The present House has on Its
list Adam Byrd OF Mississippi and II
buTQ OdbSeu VI cuucf lfdn4ar nhN
have we not our own Bird s. Colel
and Asa Bird Gardiner always witt
us7
Many a congressional surname Of de
cided commonplaceness Is relieved
from that fate by the given name
That of the Hon. Choice B. Randell o
Texas is an instance, the Hon. Vespa
sian Warner another and the Hon
Ariosto Wiley another. But for tn
} most part the Congressman were con
demned by their parents to bear tn
plain names Of John, James, William
Joseph and SO on These parents fail
ed to realize that II a man couldn'
get his name into the megaphone o
fame in any other way it might b
done for him with a quaint curiou
and mouth-flling baptismal designs
, ton.
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1904-01-16

What q jolly thing cold is when you
get II good and hard.
How II cheers the dropping spirits of the
energetic bardi
Hear the cheerful way he sneezesl
How he pleases with his wheezes.
And his treasured nose he squeezes
While he rubs his chest with lard.
While tho trustiest OF nurses BY his
verses never hustered
Makes q pcultice, like a custard,
OF the faxseed and the mustard.
What a jolly thing a cold Is with the
poultice in its PLACED
When your heart is filed with gladness
and the sweat runs down your
facet
Does the patient do some cussing
At the fussing and the mussingS
Nayi He's learnedly discussing
The improvement of the race.
Never yelled and never clustered
When he felt that singing custard
Made of faxseed and of mustard!
What a jolly thing cold Is. Oh. the
liar that 1 ami
Am 1 gently philosophical and gentle as
a lamb?
No, I'm notI I'm hercely cranky
At this measly haDky- panky.
Will take that stuff No. thanked
IT'S a snarel delusioni shaml
Hang the doctors and the nursesl
Let the druggists hear my curses!
On their shelves permit to spoil
SIENNA, salts. and castor DILL
Please to let me, carin' noffin'.
Go a-coughin' to my cofinl
With my body wrapped In worstsd
And a poultice, like custsrd,
Made of fsxseed and Of mustard
--Pittsburg Dispatch.
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1904-01-16
500 REWARD 500.

The readers OF this paper will be pleased to
arm that there is at least one dreaded disease
dat science has been able TO cure in all its
EAges, and that 10 catarrh. Han's Catarrh Cure
u the only positive cure known to the medical
Maternity. Catarrh being constitutional dis
oase, requires constitutional treatment.
Halls Catarrh Cure is taken internally, acting
directly upon the blood and mucous surfaces
Of the system, thereby destroying the founda-
ton of the disease. and giving the patient
strength by building up the constitution and
assisting nature in doing its work. The pro
p1iefors have so much faith in its curative
powers, that they offer One Hundred Dollars
tu< any case that it fails to cure. Send for list
- Testimonials. Address
F. CHENEY & CO., Toledo. n.
Sold by druggists, 75c.
HAS Family Pills are the best
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1904-01-16
Irnrle sam,s Women EmpIores.

The largest number Of women en-
ployes in any line Of work are In the
United States Postofnce Department
More than one-third OF them are past
middle age and some are past 10. They
I'll all kinds OF positions. even many
of the rural free delivery routes being
filed by them.
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1904-01-16
HE FELT LIKE A swINDLeR.
Man Who Fooled the Doctors Re
preached By His Conscience.

preached by His Conscience.
Here and there, along LIES busy and
diversified pathways, curious reasons
for curious moods in man are some
times encountered, says the Detroit
Free Press.
Ever since I've begun to get well"
said a pale-looking gentleman who was
stroning along a sunny sidewalk with
a comrade, 1--WE had the blues, now
and then. Naturally. I'm very glad I'm
alive; but there are circumstances
which rather make me feel myself a
humbug-an out-and-ont humbug. It's
this way, you see. All the doctors said
l could not get WE'LL positively could
not get well. OF course. that aroused
the neighborhood; everybody began TO
shower me with attentions and kind
nesses. All kinds OF invalid food-de-
lightfully prepared-poured in upon
me; flowers and fruit came nearly ev-
cry day. The men of our block dubbed
together and sent me beautiful Nor
rIs chair; and the club fellows. down.
town, sent me loving cup. touchingly
engraved with sentiments OF friend
ship. Dainty china articles for my In
valid's table were given me; and SO OF
i can't recount the half.
well, l gave the doctors the slip
and here am. almost well and feel
ing that / shall soon be sounder thar
ever before my Illness Now, whai
gives me the blues Is this: have go
] these things on false pretenses- I've
fooled all these people and II make
me sad. They can't have any conf
dence in me hereafter. No. you can
console me-Pm a fraud and I fee. Ike
a fraud"
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1904-01-16
Horrible Thought.

Here's an astrologer who predicts
that King Edward is shortly to pass
through lot of trouble, dark cloud
hanging over the empire. Some hor-
rible calamity, don't you know.
I'll bet Alfred Austin is writing an
other ode.-Life.
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1904-01-16
Economical.

Friend Ito amateur artist)-I sup
pose you'll give up painting when you
marry?
Amateur-Oh, mol It'll be SO con-
venient and onomical when we have
to make wedding presents.
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1904-01-16

''They say" remarked the young
girl, ''that a sensible business man is
apt to act foolish when in love"
yes, that's right" replied the elder
" matron. "A man will make a per
feet idiot Of himself over his wife SO
long as she doesn't ask him for
money!
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1904-01-16

"This photograph doesn't look bit
Ike me-" said Snarley to the photo
grapher.
81 know it" said the photographer.
81 was afraid to make it exactly like
You for fear you wouldn't take it,
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1904-01-16
Keen Repartee.

Mistah Jackson-whafroh 20 grind
in dat razor so shahp fob. Mistah John
sing?
Mistah Johnsing-Ah's gwine to a
watermellion PATTY tonight an dey do
say dat de toasts an repartee gwine
be mighty shahp an skintillatin'. sab.
San Francisco Bulletin.
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1904-01-16

In the social and
business world.
Although starting
in life compare
lively poor. he ac-
cumulated millions
through his inyen-
tive genius. Nc
Kay was born In
Plttsfeld. Mass,
in 1921. and on the
death OF his father
in 1893, began TO
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1904-01-16
Seals Being Extermlnated.

american and Canadian fishermen
are exterminating the seals on the Pri
byloff islands, near Alaska. Just foT
the sport of the thing they shoot the
animals instead of spearing; the bodies
sink, and the breeding seals are fright.
ened away by the noise.
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1904-01-16
Curious Cucumber.

A freak in the cucumber line was
found in Brandon, VT, last week by
Arnold Manchester. 1t is four distinct
cucumbers, yet all grown from single
stem and forming a solid bunch shaped
not unlike Maltese cross.
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1904-01-16

We found the native taking grea
strides toward the cyclone cellar.
why are you going in there:" w
asked
MY wife Is comingr' he gasped.
"She isn't a cyclone"
Isn't she. nowi You don't know
my wife"
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1904-01-16

/ The horror of this awful disease
can never be told. The one who con-
tracts it suffers in body and mind,
and if the poison is not eradicated
Transmits the faint to his Children,
and Contagious Blood Poison thus
becomes responsible for many of the
Ills of childhood-Skin Eruptions,
Catarrhal Troubles, Sore Eyes, Scalp
Disease, White Swelling, Scrofula
and others just as bad. S. S. S., the
great vegetable blood purifier and
ionic, has long been recognized as a
radical and safe cure for Contagious
Blood Poison. 1t counteracts the
deadly virus and cleanses and puri-
lies the diseased blood, and under its
ionic effects the general health inn
proves and soon ell signs of blood
poison are gone. The strong miner
are an often prescribed for the discas
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1904-01-16

Does your daughters husband love
her as devotedly as everT HE does
when I'm around" replied her daugh-
ters husbands mother-in-law, grimly.
Houston Post.
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1904-01-16
The Masculine Theory.

Wife-I wonder why the fashions
for women change so often?
Husband-Probably for the purpose
of enabling them TO correspond with
the feminine mind, my dear.
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1904-01-16
Mexican SaIutatIo1s.

Mexican gentlemen tip their hats to
each other or at least salute in passing
and shake hands both at meeting and
parting, though the interview may
have lasted only two minutes.
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1904-01-16
An ImpossibIe situation.

Flipper-Why does he object to his
wife going out alone in her motor car?
Flapper-Because he can't see how
one unmanageable thing can manage
another.-Modern Society
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1904-01-16

Two young fellows at Liverpool,
partners in the tea trade, were the best
of friends, and their intimacy extended
to personal as well as to business mat
tiers.
One Of them, a supplemented fell
low, was a bachelor, and was In the
habit of reading to his partner e1-
tracts from letters Of an ardent and
affectionate nature from lady In the
North OF England, who signed herself
Susie"
The married one went to China for
twelve months, and returned just In
time to attend the wedding of his part
Der.
IT hardly feel like a stranger" be
said, In his sweetest tones, addressing
the bride. I'm fact, feel as though
ought to be well acquainted with
my partners wife, since he has OTTER
done me the honor to read to me ex
tracts from his dear Susie's letters
The faces of the husband and the
wife were studies, as the bride drew
herself up and said, emphatically ant
distinctly, II beg your pardon-m>
name is He.env'
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1904-01-16


society woman of Jacksonville,
Fla, daughter of Recorder Of
Deeds, West, says:
"There are but few wives and
mothers who have not at times en-
dured agonies and such pain as only
women know of. 1 wish such women
knew the value of Lydia +. Pink
hams Vegetable Compound. It
is a remarkable medicine, different in
action from any other ever knew and
thoroughly reliable
81 have seen cases where women
doctored for years without permanent
benefit who were cured in less than
three months after taking your Vege-
table Compound. while others who
were chronic and incursble came out
cured, happy, and in perfect health
after thorough treatment with this
medicine. l have never useI 1t myself
without gaining great benefit A
few doses restores my strength and
appetite, and tones up the entire
system Your medicine has been tried
and found true, hence fully endorse
IT, MRS X. A. ANDERSON, 225 Wash
ington St, Jacksonville, Fla - $4,000
forfeit II original Of abo0s testmonlaf probing GEM
iasnsss cannot be produced.
The experience and testimony
Of some of the most noted women
CT America go to prove, beyond
n question, that Lydia Il. Pink
hams Vegetable Compound Will
correct all such trouble at once
by removing the cause, and re-
storing the organs to a healthy
aud normal condition.
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1904-01-16
Economy
a strong point with
Hoods Sarsaparilld. A
bottle lasts longer and does
lore good than any other.
b is the only medicine Of
which can truly be said
lOODOSES ONE DOLLAR

"Dis world ain't square, growied
little Mickey. why not?" asked jim
my. "'Cause the only ones dat get
fire peanuts are elephants and police
men. Chicago News.
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1904-01-16

The Anxious Mother-Are you sure
my son has appendicitis7 The Eni-
nent specialist-We can tell you bet
ter, madam, after the operation
Life.
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1904-01-16
Lucky Fishermen.

A fisherman at Phippsburg, Me-,
pulled up jug of gin on the cod hook
the other day. The date of the jug
was 1921.
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1904-01-16

Held like to meet Miss Bond. She
why? Il hear she has thirty thou
sand a year and no incumbrance." as
aha looking for oneT,-Life.
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1904-01-16
To Break In New Shoes.

Always shake In Aliens Foot-Ease, powder.
II cures hot, sweating, aching. swollen feet.
Cares corns, ingrowing nails and bunions. At
~ druggists and shoe stores, 25c. Don't accept
any substitute. Sample mailed FREE. Address
Allen s. Olmsted, lie Roy, N. Y.
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1904-01-16

Jimblecute-Say, have you forgot
ten that $40 you borrowed Of me some
weeks agol
Bobalong-Oh. no; l still have 1t in
mind
JImblecute-Well. don't you think il
would be good idea to pay up and
release your mind
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1904-01-16

E1Yo Permanently cured no 1ts or nervousness
TIIO after first day OF DIR. Kline's Great Nerve
6astorer. Send for Free trial bottle and trestis
d. X. H Kline, Ltd esI Arch st. Philadelphia, Pa
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1904-01-16

Piso's Cure Is good cough medicine.
Il has cured coughs and colds for forty
years. At druggists, Is cents.
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1904-01-16

There are times when originality =
impossible-In describing a wedding.
and IN saying good-by to the hostsss
at a party
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1904-01-16

Many a man negiects his family In
order TO pose as public benefacsor.
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1904-01-16

Mothers WIN nud Mrs. windows Soothing
ryrup the best remedy 10 uss for their children
he ieethins season.
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1904-01-16
AS OLD rs
THEPYPAMID,

That blood poison existed among the anccnts has
been proven beyond question 1t has been traced back
thousands of years and is old the Pyramids. This
blighting has been handed down from nation to
nation and from individual to individual till it has
spread to all parts of the world.
Contagious blood poison it is called in modern
Hines, begins with a small ulcer through which
Che virus enters the blood This is followed by inham-
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1904-01-16
GORDON M'kAY.
Death of the Man Who Revo1utionIzed
the Shoe king Industry.

Gordon Mckay, whose death oc-
CURED recently at his cottage in FASH
ionable Newport, was a notable figure
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1904-01-16


appear
the disease takes deeper hold and the blood becomes
the skin spotted with
poes muscles ache and the victim OF
there not sound spot in the whole body
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1904-01-16

.
study for the career OF a civil en-
gineer. When Fl years old be had
machine shop In his native town. He
studied machinery and his opportunity
came when the shoe stitching machine.
invented by L. r. Blake. proved to be
an utter failure. He bought the patent
outright and perfected a machine
which has revolutionized the shoemak-
ing industry. This machine did away
with the little cobbler shops. with their
pegs and wax ends. and opened up big
factories. In few years every man.
woman and child in America, who
wore shoes, paid tribute to him. and
Mckay gained millions.
McKay's partner was Robert Fl.
Mathes, 4 practical man of inventive
genius. When the war broke out in
1851 they offered to the government.
something unheard of. machine made
shoes for the army. In less than ten
years IL Is estimated that more than
10,000,000 pairs Of boots and shoes in
America had paid royalty to Mckay
and his companies. In 1878 he formed
the Mckay Sewing Machine Associa-
ton. and In a series Of lawsuits de-
feated all rivals. established his
patents and became the central power
In one Of the greatest moropolies.
Gordon Mckay married Miss Minnie
Treat Of Cambridge. many years
younger than himself. They lived to-
II f.
two sons. who have always been with
their mother. Mrs. KcKay finally Sc
cured a divorce, and became the wife
Of Adolph A. Won Brueninx. al at
tache OF the German embassy at
Washington, and now charge d'affaires
Of the German legation to the Sultan
Of Morocco. Mckay. who had always
been attached to his wife, sent her
jewels and other gifts on her wedding
day. and, it is said, gave her a check
for 100000 The Kaiser became
angered at such attention. and the
several years. Then. through family
influence in Germany. he was restored
to favor. after having returned to Mr.
Mckay the money given his wife.
Mr.. Mckay did much good with bis
money. He educated number Of
young women abroad in music, gave
generously to Harvard college ant
founded a training college In Rhode
Island for negroes. which college bear
the name of the Mckay institute. Fl,
, was a good violinist and left a larg'
collection Of musical instruments. l
J is understood that the greater part o
his estate will 80 to Harvard Univer
sity, including his large library. HI
next to kin are Mrs. Dexter and Mis-
Catherine Dexter. Of Boston.
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1904-01-16
HAD ALL THE SYMPTOMS.

HAD ALL THE SYMPTOMS.
Dear eirs:
As rssult of serious blood disorder
my blood became poisoned and suf-
fered severely with Rheumatism and
other symptoms not necessary 90 mon
ton. A friend OF mine told me that he
had been cured of my trouble by 9. 8. B.,
and upon his Recommendation began
its use. After using il for some time my
poison and made pure and strong again
wish also to speak of it's tonic prop.
critics. While purfing my blood OF
impurities, it built mp nay general
health, improved ny appetite. gave me
increased strength, and felt better In
every way.
with pleasure commend Il to all in need
OF q blood medicine.
Y RosE zss5y NJ sEr zzyWanrrz1a.
SIS Walnut St., Lebanon, Pa