Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1904-08-06

IMAM the one especial something which
you happen to have got
There but one sure way to smother
Envy's heartache and her sob.
Keep too busy, at your own, to want the
other fellows job. "-Success.
The clever DIR. Richie Of Edinburg
met with his match while examining a
student.
He said: "And you attended the
class of mathematics"
Yes"
How many sides has circle?"
"Two." said the student.
What are they?"
What a laugh i'm the class the stu
dents answer produced when he said:
AN inside and an outside"
But this was nothing compared with
what followed. The doctor said to the
student: And you attend the moral
philosophy class also?"
yes"
well, you would hear lectures on
various subjects. Did you ever hear
one on cause and effect?"
Yes"
Does an effect ever go before a
cause?"
Yes"
Give me an instance"
"A man wheeling a barrow"
The doctor then sat down and pro-
posed no more questions.
A country newspaper man, who is
very fond of honey. visited neighbor
ing city recently. and at one of the no.
tells he was served with some delicious
honey. He enjoyed it so much that he
told his wife all about it when he re-
turned home. On his next trip to the
city she accompanied him. They Wis
tied the same hotel. and when the noon
meal was being served he said to his
wife that he hoped they had some more
of that honey. 1t did not appear, how
ever, and the newspaper man, there
fore, beckOned to waiter and said,
Say, Sambo, where is my honcy?" He
was almost paralyzed when that
worthy grinned and replied: "She doan
work heer no more. boss. She done got
job at the silk mill" The wife re-
ceived handsome new dress before
they returned home, after making a
solemn promise not to tell the story
August Lippincott's.
This story is told of a Washington
school principal who was trying to
make clear to his class the fundament-
al doctrines of the Declaration of In
Now, boys" he said, Il will give
YOU each three ordinary buttons. Here
they are. You must think of the first
one as representing Life, OF the second
one as representing Liberty, and the
third one as representing the Pursuit
CT Happiness. Next Sunday / will ask
you each to produce the three buttons
and tell me what they represent"
The following Sunday, in accordance
with his plan, the teacher Intercepted
his class on the subject of the buttons.
Nov. Johnnie" he said to the
youngest member, produce your three
buttons and tell me what they stand
for" WhereupOn the yOungster began
to weep.
Il amt got 'em ALL" he sobbed, hold
ing out two of the buttons. Here's
Life an here's Liberty, but mommer
sewed the Pursuit O. Happiness on my
pants."-Harpers Weekly.
Patrick F. Murphy. who by his bril-
lance at the recent horse show luncheon
Won the title of New York's latest wit.
was talking the other day about a clerk
he used to employ.
This clerk" he said "prided himself
on his readiness in every emergency
III nr,rn Il.
wished 1t to be understood that he was
never at a loss.
zone morning he dashed like the wind
out of the office with two letters that re-
Hnired immediate mailing. In a little
while he returned a somewhat reproach-
full look on his face.
You nearly caused me to miss that
mail sir he said
How was that? said I.
~ Why, you put hve-cent stamp on
the foreign one
Dear me, how stupid. And what did
{" Oh said the clerk I made it all
right changed the addresses on the
William Greene Sterrett. the Texas edf-
tor and Washington correspondent, was
asked during the early days of the cam
lfearsts presidential BOOM
wen. said Col. Sterrett. 'it reminds
me a good deal of fellow 1 knew down
In TeNas, VINO sometimes drank more
than q gentleman should. One morn
ing after night of bibulous enjoyment
he awoke and found an elephant in his
room.
1T was a large elephapt-a particular
~ large elephant. 1t took up so much
room that the legitimate occupant of the
premises was crowded into one corner.
How the beast ever got into the room
PIONEERED the man for a time, but he
quit wondering about that when he be-
gan 10 consider how he would get the
animal out. The situation was really be- |
coming serious when the elephant solved |
tne problem by slowly backing out |
through the keyhole."
Former United States Attorney Cen |
eral John w. Griggs tells a good story |
of one of his earlier experiences as a /
golf player. The eminent jurist is de-
voted to the game and has been one of
the moving spirits of the North Jersey |
Country Club of Paterson. for several
years, but there was a time when he
played a weird game.
Il think 1t was about the fifth game
hat ever played" he said. land I had
| particularly grave and Unconditional
'addy. The way he marked my play