The Birmingham age-herald., 1904-12-04
TALKS BY DOROTHY DIX
WINDING YOUR OWN Bus,nEoo


 Every now and then I am forcibly re- minded of the fact that the millennium ,,,,, have arrived when we learn to mind 1 our own business.
 But 1t will be an Eveless Eden without | a single woman in it.
 No woman has yet arrived, or shoWs signs of arriving, at the point of grace when she can behold another person making pie, without putting her finger | in if. It has always been that way. And if has always been her bane She mas broken her heart over other peoples sor- rows. She has lain awake nights, and 1 lost sleep over other peoples worries. She has brought on more nervous pros tration trying to run other peoples at- fairs, and stirred up more heartburnings and jealousy, and bitterness and strile' ] than all other causes combined, just be- cause she would not mind her own pus- mess
 It is a distinctly feminine mania, the end whereof is trouble and tribulation- The average man feels he has got about all he can manage with his own affairs, and trouble enough of his own. without borrowing his neighbours. The average woman attends to her business in the ln- tervals she isn't speculating about why the Browns don't send their children to the public school when Brown is only on salary, and how the Smiths across the street, can afford new carpets this sea son. And the queerest part of 1t all Is that, by some quirk of feminine logic, ! this unwarranted meddling with other peoples affairs is accounted virtue A woman's definition of another woman who was a selfish creature would be one who attended strictly to her own busi- ness, and don't interfere with some rem edy of her own when the children next 1 door had the croup.
 This inability to attend to her own bus mess, and leave other people to run theirs | without any assistance from her, goes | long way towards explaining many of womans failures. It is one reason why so many women break down. They try to carry the universe on their shoulders | They could manage well enough with | their own work, and bear with sufficient | fortitude their own troubles, but when l they add to that the accumulated afflic- l tions of everybody in the neighborhood | they collapse under the nervous strain. It is doubtless a pity that Mrs. Jones should be such a poor manager. and so wasteful and so extravagant; 1t Is much to be regretted that young Blank does not go to work and support his widowed mother, possibly it is crying shame | that the Gray baby should be fed on sauerlkraut and beer instead of steril- 1 iZed milk. but, after all, we are not re- | sponsible for these affairs. and there isn't blessed thing we can do about them. The Jones, and the Blanks, and the Grays of our respective neighbor- hoods don't want our advice, and wouldn't take 1t at any price, and we merely wear ourselves into frazzles with unavaiing worry over something that doesn't in the least concern us
 Of course, when there Is any real need for Solomon we feel capable of speak ing right up, but it is well to occasionally reflect that other people are almost as capable of running their own affairs as we would be. This is always a surprise to us. There was probably never mar riage when everybody in the community didn't feel that they could have made a much more judicious selection for both parties than they made for themselves, yet divorce Is comparatively rare. Every one of us is dead sure that we could bring up everybody else's children much better than they are doing it. yet the
 
 spite of our predictions to the contrary. We really afflict ourselves about these matters. We are reduced to tears be- cause Sally So-and-So Is going to marry the man she wants instead of the man we think would suit her, and we aggra- vate our souls In vain because little Mrs Somebody else lets her babies play in the back yard with the cat instead of having them folding paper mats at the kinder garten. If the sympathy we lavish on people who don't want it, and the amount of waisted energy we spend on other peo- ples affairs could be applied to some useful purpose 1t would revolutionize the world
 1t sounds a bit contradictory to say finger in every pie Is at the root of the servant girl trouble, but 1t is a fact, nev- ertheless. In trying to attend to her own business a woman often overdoes 1t. She attends to too much. When a man hires a clerk or q bookkeeper he permits him freedom to do the work within certain lines, pretty much as he pleases, in his own way. If he accomplishes satisfac- tory results it is all that Is necessary. No one nags him continually or aggravates him with petty and inhnitesmal hair splitting details about the way he does 1t. When he Is in the midst of making out bill or adding up column of fig ureS' the proprietor uOeSn TuSn III WlIn a few suggestions. or take a hand just long enough to knock the other fellows system, silly. On the contrary, he knows it would simply put the clerk out. But that Is the helpful device we use towards our servants. We never let them plan anything out or do it in their own way, or have chance to use any mind and judgment if they happen to have any
 There Is no reason a servant shouldn't be treated as rationally as any other em- ploye. 1t Is but right the mistress should require that certain work should be done by a certain time, but after that, why not leave them free to do it In their own way? Everyone who has ever tried it knows that the most aggravating and nerve rasping thing in the world Is to have some one stand over you while you work, with continual now of sug- gestions. Put a pinch more spice in" Don't use quite so much sugar" Roll the crust a little thinner" It is enough to drive one crazy, and there is no won der too many cooks spoil so much good broth. If the mistress would attend to her business a little more in the house, and let the cook run hers little more in the kitchen. we shouldn't have to get up so many mornings and cook break