The semi-weekly messenger. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1897-1908, 1904-10-28

Hennessy.
'Nawthin' tur-ible about It." said
Mr. .Dooley. Its a war. / can't say
more thin that. All tn other wars
we've iver shone in has been ayther
German wars. which Is carried on be
markin' examination papers. or Eng
lish wars. which is tn same as stealin'
money from childher. or our own late
gloryous war, which is like gettin'
dhrunk an bein' fined twinty millyon
dollars or a hundred years in the
Philippians. But this is a rale war.
It's a gloryous war. What cud be
finer to tn iditor Nv a london news
paper thin tn SPECTACLE which he can
we'll imagine iv tn dauntless Jap-nese
hurlin' thimsilves at their gejantic foe
an recklessly layIn' down their lives
hat England may live? An what cud
be more sublime to a warlike banker
in Paris thin tn thought Nv tn in
creased activity on tn banks iv tn
Loyang? 1t ought to stir tn blood in
tn heart Of iv iv'ry American citizen"
1T o in mine.' said Mr.. Hen
messy.
1T ought to-" said Mr.. Dooley.
War is a fine thing. Or perhaps I'm
wrong. Anyhow, it's a sthrange
thing. Here's tn Car iv Rooshya an
here's tn Imp'ror iv Japan. They
have a difference iv opinyon. All right,
says /, lave thin fight it out. It's a
good healthful exercise. I'll arrange
tn preliminaries, fix tn polls, an. be
hivins, I'll riferee tn fight. I make
tn offer now. Amy time amy two
high-spirited monarchs feel that their
rifle blood threatens to blow up, I'll
arrange ivrything down to tn photy-
gratis. Whiniver tn boys are ready
I'll find tn barn. IN tn offer also
goes FIR sicreties iv state.
but what happens? A couple iv
stout, middle aged gintlemen get into
a controversy. Instead of Iayin' their
stove-pipe hats on tn table an mixin'
it UP, they hurry home an invite iv'ry~
body in tn house to go out an do
their war-makin' FIR thin. They set
UP on the roof an encourage tn
scrap. Go in there, Olaf 'Banzai,
Hip Lung, ye're doin' we'll FIR mel
There goes wan Nv me brave fellows.
I'd almost send something to his wild
ow if 1 cud larn her name!' An, so
it goes. Bill Ivanovitch is settin' at
home with his wife m forty small
childher. He has JUS done a good
days wurruk an his salary iv nine
cints in jinglin' in his pocket. He
sets at tn head iv tn table carvin'
tn candle an JUS as he has disthri-
buted tn portions among tn family
an kept tn wick FIR himsilf, there's
a knock at tn dure an a. man in a
fur cap calls him away to thravel
eight thousand versts, a verst bein'
Schwartzmeister's way iv describin' a
mile on a Rooshyan railroad, an fight
FIR Gawd and his Car. It's tn OF
firm. Wniniver I'm called on to fight
fr GaWd an me country I'd like to
be sure that III senyor partner had
been consulted. But Bill I~vanovitch
puts On his coat, kisses tn family
goodbye, an tn mex his wife sees iv
him is a pitcher iv tn ole man an
q jap he niver met before locked in
an endurin' embrace, an both iv thin
as dead as amy Mikado or Ca cud
wish their most lille subjick. TIL Jap
| don't know what it's all about. In
japan he was a horse. There ARE no
rale horses in Japan. If they were
tn people Wud nave more to eat. So
tn citizens iv tn country harness
thimsilves up an haul the wagons.
| All we have to say to a Jap is Get
ap,' IN he moves. So tn Mikado says
Git APP an tn little fellow laves his
fireside an his wives an families an
niver comes home no more. TIL best
he gets whin he is kilt is a remark In
tn news firm Tokyo that Gin'ral Cd
zoos plans is wurrukin' fav'rbly. That
ought to make him EEL good.
Now, if 1 had me way, Hinnessy,
I wudden't let tn common people
fight at all. That's tn way it used to
be. Whin wan iv tn oil kings in
Brian Eoru's day had a spat with a
neighbor, both iv thin ordhered hats
at tn hardware store an whit out an
pounded thin till their heads ached
That's tn way it ought to be. Sup
posin' tn Gar " Rooshya an tn Mi
kado Nv Japan fell out. What wud be
d%acinter FIR thin thin to have a gin
tlemenly mix-up? Nick Romanoff, tn
Rooshyan champeen, an Mike Adoo
tn cillybrated Jap'nese Jiu Jitsu ban.
tam, come together las night befure
a crowd iv representative sports in
barn on tn outskirts iv' tn city. TIL
Rooshyan was seconded be Faure, tn
Frinch lightweight, an Bill Honezol-
lern, tn Prooshyan whirlwind. In tn
Jap's corner was Al Guelph, who bate
tn Llama iv Thibet las week, ar
Rosenfelt, tn American champeer
who has issued a def to tn wurruld
Befure tn gong sounded tn Jap rush
ed owe an sthruck tn Rooshyan {
heavy blow beneath tn belt. A claim
iv foul was entered but not allowed
At tn tap iv tn gong both boys win
at it hammer an tongs, but it wa
/ Gaan nAHnEo.H tLnt Ii, RAa.hrnn