davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The San Francisco call., 1904-02-14

ERHAPS no woman on earth
q Iwho faacies she is doing an ex-
traordinary amount of good man
L ages to make such a consummate
nUisa nee of herself as the woman af-
hicted by the microbes of a mission
or q career" In fact. what these
women dascant on the good they do. or
"ouid CO. if they could but interest
some philanthropist with more money
than sense to back them. would not
only til books, but would stock few
n5rar es that buddsd from Carnsg.e's
generosity.
= woman gets the career" or mis-
sior." naiaiis IN various degrees fr,in
the mild mania to the pronounced viru-
i7;lt attack that seaks To outtonio,e. or
hip into lire everything in ght.
even if she has to talk herself TO death
10 accomplish IT,
There is also 4 dyspeo.ic brand that
Is always mole or less afflicted with a
chronic sour stomach and vlnegarish
las;e IN The mouth, with cOuntenan6a
ard disposition to match
Some women are more afflicted with
eS0tlsm and the spirit of meld, ,esonc-
less man with the zeal they try TO i'm
press upon others
The woman with mission mania
fsncies that her especial charge on
earth Is to minister to the wants Of
those wilo need the grace Of Gcd or her
special brand Of grace.
Such woman always u-arts to con-
ven something or sons body and has
an idea that she is the one and only
good thing That ever happened.
Sne is so bent on converting hardened
sinners that she Loses sight Of the fac
that these sinners don't want to be
ccnVerted and would net be at any
prize. The consequence is that her ap-
pesrance at any time sounds the bueie
c2u retreat and men run from her
as they would from the smallpox or
any other Conta sio2.
She is genteel beggar. justifyinc her
methods because OF the cause she es-
pOuses
1t Is always A misfortune when a
very young girl becomes afflicted with
the mission" microbe, as she becomes
enthusiastic to the verge Of fsnatlcism
though hardly conscious of the evolu-
ton.
Take the young girl inclined to re-
isi0us fervor and watch the trend.
She thinks the whole world is TO be
saved through her special ministra-
The San Francisco call., 1904-02-14

ton OF United States senator was on
and the Legislature. after at least an
nour and half of careful deliberation,
decided on the president Of the Shake
emup Railway Company as the proper
blend Of conservatism and Intelligent
progress. Immediately the newspapers
piossomed out with violent attacks on
the Man again, who had made the mis-
take OF voting for the president afore-
said, accusing him Of most Of the.
crimes In the calendar and Of a few
more that they had invented. for mis-
special benefit.
Again he was forced to q conclusion
that didn't seem to quite square with
his beloved theory. but he wasn't pre-
pared to throw the latter In the scrap
heap Just yet. He would have one
more throw for his money. If 1t was
the last ever. This time it was Con-
The San Francisco call., 1904-02-14
gress that he prepared to hide be-

gress that he prepared to hide be-
hind.
Everything pointed to fine weather
and a lovely voyage when the man
journeyed to Washington and took
his seat in the halls of Congress, or in
the Shoreha1n bar, as the case might
be. That venerable institution was
engaged in the time honored task Of
revising the tariff. BY institution we
refer to Congress, of course; the tar
iff at the Shoreham is never revised.
The Man at once took strong ground
in favor of higher duty on peanuts
IN order to build up one of the most
promising industries Of the country.
He had no sooner done what he con-
sidered was a highly laudable and pa
triotic act than every newspaper OUT
side OF the peanut belt began to belt
him. He was assaiied in display type
and editorial BREWER. in cartoons and
special correspondence; his past life
was raked over with a hne toothed
comb and the fact was recalled to the
memory of Mortified constituency
that he had been caught In neigh
bor's orchard at the tender age OF IL.
1t was evident to ell that he was be-
ing OF deprayed instincts and that
there was no hope Of reclaiming him
from his wicked ways.
But he still held to the theory that
there must be some point where he
would be so far above the. crowd that
even his enemies would look upon him
with bated breath. But where was
it? 1t would never do to get so far
away that people would not be able
to sec him. Then. . heavy thought
landed on his cerebellum with dull.
sickening thud. He would be Presi-
dent; that was clearly the berth for
The San Francisco call., 1904-02-14

an incubator for all manner Of eccen-
tricities and maudlin sensibilities.
1t is the woman with a mission who
makes hero of jailbird. and in
stead of letting him feel that he Is un
der a ban through having outraged
common decency by breaking the laws
of the land, she makes OF him mar
tyr on whom to lavish a lot OF cheap
sentiment that is a disgrace to wo-
manhood.
Perhaps no more pertinent illustra-
ticn Of this can be found than the ex
hibitiOn Of a ,lot Of these so-called
moralists and missionaries now f1sur-
ing in a New York trial
a batch of Cinnamon were arrested
for unspeakable crimes wherein little
children were complainants. The mer
were visited in court by these women.
who brought flowers, fruits and delica-
cies until the officers became so dis
gusted that they refused to allow them
to be present and the court ordered the
room cleared.
The testimony was most revolving.
but these women, former Sunday
school teachers of the culprits, were
there in force to do a sort of martyr
sympathy act Other respectable wO-
men would have been ashamed to
be seen there, but. if you notice, your
sanity people rush in where fools and
angels would not dare to show their
faces.
And girls, let me tell you a secret.
that may or may not serve to keep the
crank microbes out of your bonnets.
When a woman begins that sort oe
thing she begins to get ugly.
The woman with a mission seems
to shrink and shrivel and get out o.
shape.
The beautiful girl who pores over
crank literature soon imbibes crank
notions that obscure all the daintiness
of her countenance- Later on she
superior disdain for pretty things. and
when a girl gets to that stage she is
hopeless.
The man who has the courage to
marry a woman with the mission mi
crobe will need a few missionaries to
reform him before he gets through.
There is nothing that will convert a
frst-class lovable old sinner into a
hopeless reprobate so quickly as
pious crank continually praying over
him and insisting that he needs re-
forming.
The wife and mother who Is always
lamenting that she Is a misfit AMI
should have wider scope for her won
derful executive ability seldom has
sufficient ability to make home happy
The loveliest mission for any
woman, no matter how able she may
be, can be found in the home. whether
Ii be as daughter. sister or the hoIier
province OF wife and mother.
So girls. don't bother about a mis-
NON.
The San Francisco call., 1904-02-14

my name ard bow the knee at my ap-
proach. am weary of the insolence of
the hoi polloi. of the impudence of the
men who insist on competing with me
for standing room on my own feet in
the daily and deadly street car, of the
too friendly friends who slap me on
the shoulder and disarrange my cervi-
cal vertebrae. I would that all men
would treat me with respect and rever-
ence and that be allowed the free
and inalienabie privilege Of standing
on my own feet without let or him
drance."
To that end he launched himself into
the giddy political whirl anc gained at
one supreme leap the naughty pinnacle
OF a seat in the Board of Aldermen.
Now, he murmured to himself, the be-
ginning has begun. Surely the servant
Of the city will be treated with proper
veneration. The first newspaper that
he picked up on the morning after the
first meeting of the board knocked all
his illusions into something that would
have made cooked hat look like a
meeting Of the Law and Order Society.
The board had passed an ordinance to
allow the Cranberry Street Railway
Company to put in a new switch at
least twenty-five feet long at the end
OF the line and the Journalistic censors
in town rose somewhat as one man and
demanded to know how much they got
for II. To add to the sufferings of the
belabored Aldermen they hadn't re-
ceived cent for that particular piece
OF business and SO were reduced to the
extremity OF paying for the music with
out having had the pleasure of even
one small dance.
But the Man took himself aside and
The San Francisco call., 1904-02-14

1t silver spoon at Christmas" said
the President as he reached for a
fresh cigar. His only idea was to get
the poor thing properly christcned be-
fore Germany or some other relic OF
barbarism could grab 1t uD on the
ground that they had been the first to
see 1t. But what happened after that
was to be listed among the unexpected
things that are happening so often:
one would think that people would get
into the way Of expecting the unex-
pected after a while. Every news
paper on the other side of the politi-
cal fence and some few on his own
side rose up and lambasted him for a
pirate and robber and an inciter Of
revolution and other dire things too
blood-curdling to mention in polite
society. His position was about as
much protection to him as a silk
handkerchief in a blizzard. and his
dignity received no more consideration
than II he had been an ordinary GRIM
inaI. IL was the way of the world.
but it was not the way that the Man
liked.
This is only a sample Of the wav
that ne was treated throughout the
rest of his administration. and whsr
he retired 4at the end OF his term
tired but happy-that ii was all over
he announced that he was goin~ -
raise mules for a change. Whe1
man is kicked by mule he 9enerallS-
knows why, and besides he can ve,
away from it II he doesn't like if
Those who have accompanied NJ,
thus far through the chronicles of tbs
Man and are inclined to 20 on to ths
Dllter END Will discover that the fiercs
light that beats down upon thrars
was designed by beneacent nstur. fo.
the purpose OF improving the air, -
tnoss wno are chucking brickbafs AZ
the occupant OF said throne.
copyright, 1904. by Albert Britt.l
The San Francisco call., 1904-02-14

from soulful piety.
Every one with the right moral
strain loves and respects the truly
good man or woman, but when good
ness becomes perverted and degener-
ates into something both offensive
and aggressive. and above all things
meddlesome, 1t is too hystericals to be
either good or anything else bearable.
much less praiseworthy. Such people
overreach themselves in the striving.
The woman who imagines she should
have career" and should have been
at the head of an orphan asylum, luna
The San Francisco call., 1904-02-14

ERHAPS no woman on earth
q /who fancies she is doing an ex-
traordinary amount of good man
ages TO make such q cnnsunlmate
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1904-07-14
6ouId's Watered Stock.

jay Gould was a resident of Rut-
land, Vt. for a year or two in the
early ffties, when he was engaged in
the construction of the old Rutland
and Washington Railroad, now part
of the Delaware and Hudson system,
and the following anecdote concern
ing him is told by an old citizen OF
that place who was employed by Mr..
Gold at the time.
In the building OF the roadbed it
was necessary 10 use dozen or more
teams OF oxen for hauling purposes.
One hot day in midsummer the oxen
were suffering greatly from the in
tense heat, and one animal had sue
cumBed, when Gould, noticing their
condition. ordered the drivers To take
the cattle To the Castleton River and
cool them with water 10 avoid further
deaths among them.
This" says the old resident. was
the first instance / ever heard Of when
jay Gould watered his stock"
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1904-07-14
Newspapers Came Hiah.

When Cy Warma1, the poet Of the
rail, was travelling through Bonanza
Valley. near Dawson City, short time
afteu the discovery Of gold in the
Klondike. he passed q young man with
a heavy pack OF papers on his back.
Some men were working their claims
near by, up on the slopes of the hills.
Now and then" said Cy Warman.
the young fellow stopped, put his
hand 70 the side of his mouth, and
shouted mp 10 the men 'NYor-r-k n
S'attle papers, in orthodox newsboy
style.
Il asked him how Ire sold them.
Fifty cents for Seattle an dollar for
New York, h. replied. He had two
hundred papers, and expected To clear
a hundred dollars on the trip, which
would take him three days"
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1904-07-14

der. tak cup Wild er passed. er trash,
'1uenced by dat 'zorter from Knox
vile, m YOU tol' me TO quit herr
AS was dressing Sam stood in 81.
lent and oppressive meditation. Final.
~ he asked.
Mars Willie. ef you had er wife
N sho TUX up wild wuffius trash,
whard you dog' E
Take gun and Kill somebody.
probably" replied.
Den q kill er preacher. what de
Judge gwinter DO wild mee'
order you hanged, most likely"
He almost dropped the stick OF
wood he was about TO place on the
dog-irons. Turning abruptly, he sc.
ycrely asked: rt
Look. here. Mars Willie. what sort
or torncy is you. anyhow" and as he
got no response, mumbled between
his teeth. Oats de eats doin's, Civ
in dat sorS vice; dat's de eats do
ms: dat's de cats doin's," and lie
kept on with the words as he opened
the door and walked away.
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1904-07-14
HEAPEp GOALS OF FIRE.
Lord Beaconsfieid Paid Carlyle High
Compliment,

Carlyle was once offered a baronet-
cy by Lord Beaconsfield To his
brother he wrote: The enclosed let
ter and copy OF my answer ought To
go to you as a family curiosity and
secret-nobody whatever yet knows
OF it beyond our two selves, except
Lady Derby. whom believe 20 be
the contriver of the whole affair. YOl
would have been surprised. all OF you
10 have found unexpectedly your poor
old brother Tom converted into Sir
Tom Bart. but, alas, there was no
danger at any moment of such q
catastrophe. 1 do, however, truly ad-
mire the magnanimity Of Dizzy in re-
gard to me. lie is the only man ! al
most never spoke Of except with con
tempt and IL there is anything OF
scurrility anywhere chargeable
against me / am sorry 10 own he is
the subject OF it: and yet see, here
he comes with a pan Of hot Goals for
my guilty head. am ON the whole
gratified little within my own dark
heart at this mark OF the good will Of
high people"
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1904-07-14
SAVED CHilD'S LIFE.
Remarkable Cure Of Dropsy by Dodd's
Kidney Pills.


Sedgwick, Ark. July 1.-The case
of w. S. Taylor's little son is looked
upon by those interested in medical
matters as one OF the most wonderful
on record. In this connection his
father makes the following statement:
Last September. my little boy had
Dropsy; his feet and limbs were
swollen TO such an extent that he
could not walk nor put his shoes on.
The treatment that the doctors were
giving him seemed to do him no good
and two or three people said his days
were short, even the doctors, two Of
the best in the country told me he
would not get better stopped their
medicine and at once sent for Dodd's
Kidney Pills. l gave him three Pills
n day, one morning, noon and night
for eight days; at the end OF the
eighth day the swelling was all gone.
but TO give the medicine justice,
gave him eleven more Pills. Iused
thirty-five Pills in all and he was en-
tirely cured. consider your medicine
saved my childs life. When the thir-
ty-five Pills were given him he could
run, dance and sing, whereas before
he was an invalid in his mothers arms
from morning until night.
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1904-07-14
81 E2AlYn .Ig2NmsnY IL

Sam Knight, ColOred, free born and
honest, does odd jobs about the court
house square. He does errand3 for
clerks, saddles horses and feeds them
Tor travellers. takes notes for young
men To young ladies homes. sweeps
out Offices for doctors and lawyers.
and builds fires for bachelors. ] was
one Of his clients; and, as he had a
prediction for craps" and other vul-
gar games,' he had been one OF my
clients. | defended him once and he
got ninety days. He had been married
also, and | advised him 10 quit his
wife.
One morning Sam came TO my room
about daylight 10 build the fire. |
had not slept well during the night
and was vexed because of such early
intrusion. | rubbed my weary eyes
a moment or SO, and while he was
piling on the hickory logs, asked
what in the name Of Boneyards he
was doing there SO soon: and before
he had time To answer | proceeded 10
give him instructions, along with a
Pece of an irritated mind, which
were intended to arrest disturbances
at such an hour in the future
''Yassab, Mars Willie, | know'd you
was gwinter raise do dickens, hut
ses to mysef, does, Mars Willie
most likely des fume n raise Cain,
bat l ruther have him beat mo dan
have de cats stan dare at my do in
dc darknis' n cuss me. up an down
wusser'n er jay bird ever cuss er
yafler hammer NJ dat's what deyse
been er dom ever since TO bed time
-er sittin' in front er my do spittin'
out sulfous fab frum dey eyes an hol-
lerin monstus words from dey moufs
what de oil Scratch teaches 'em to
say. OATS do reason Use hcah."
"Cats!" said !. You afraid OF cats?
Mercy, what cowardi Why didn't
you chuck 'em off or catch one and
kiln It? The others would have left
you alone il you had murdered one of
them. Afraid OF CATS That is the
reason Of my being disturbed. eh?"
XIII er cat? Lordy, Mars Willie.
doan' you never do dat; nose'r des
teaV' EN- alone by deyselves, go on
way frum em IL dey posters you, but
doan' never kill air one--dat's de gos-
pei!
Miss Nancy (my mothers first
uame), she done rais' you chillun' up
des like or Miss rails her-Miss Nan
cy tried fer ter do dat, bring EN- mp
in dc right way, N menny's been de
ame when your ma say to me, Sam.
when you see Mahs Willie doin'
wrong, des tell him fer ter member
fns gTan'pa what stood up n shot de
British wild Presidenner Jackson
down yonder at N'Orloans,' n dat's
do reason Pm or tellin' you To let de
eats erlone."
What nave eats ever done TO you
that you should come here and de-
liver me lecture about what |
mustn't do? Do yoa think I'm afraid
ef cats? You speak of them as if
they we're possessed of the evil spirit-
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1904-07-14
Where Travel Is Difficult.

Some idea OF the delights OF traV.
cling in Korea is given by the follow,
ing description by a traveller Of the
bridges" in that country: A fist
class bridge in Korea is simply an
assortment of planks nailed together
These are scarce. A second-class
bridge is a series Of isolated stones
from one TO another of which the
visitor may jump. A third-class
bridge, much the commonest variety
lis invisible, It's position being indi
Gated by couple OF posts. one on
each side of the river They mean
that you may safely wade across, as
the water will-probably &c
much above your chest!
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1904-07-14
kITE.FLYiNo I'M THE EAST.
In Oriental Countries the Sport is a
National Pastime.

IN Ortent0l Countries the Sport is
National Pastime.
Homemade kites satisfy the Ameri-
can boy ana afford him lots OF fun, but
IL is strange that ne does not invent
an artistic and national kite, such as
they have in Japan. China and Korea,
where all the flyers have "a meaning.
A figure Of an eagle or OF Uncle Sam
with his arms outstretched would be
quite imposing
In all these oriental countries kite
flying is q national pastime and thou
sands OF people ON holidays gather up
on the hills and watch the sport
In China the sport ends on the ninth
month in festival called ascending
on high In Japan and Korea the
boys only fly their kites for fifteen
days out OF the entire year.
But kte-hying in these countries is
quite secondary TO l<ite-figbting. The
fighting machines are made on rec
tangular bamboo frames covered with
paper and have a hole in the middle.
They have no tails and the strings arc
of silk dipped in fish glue and pow
dered with porcelain. The moment
two kites strings are crossed, no mat
ter il one belongs to royalty itself
the player must let out his line. The
be cut through. The instant a kite is
cut down il is seized by the small
boys in the streets.
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1904-07-14

slav'ry time n was or Viii man
that owned her, n all dat time she
was inst er CROWN up like cotton
when dc june sun come or bllin
down--but l doan' say nuthin tell
she git good and grown, when. ez
toll you, / axes her at de quiltin'. N
Use so happy dat cvenin', Mars Will
lie, feels des if dun TUX 10 drains
and hit was er Sunday. We puts Off
de wedd;n' till cotton is piCk'd.
'Well, one day kills er cat n dat
night has dc stranges' dream,
/ does, bout Mary Ann. ] know'd bad
hess gwinter happen n sho nun de
very mex day, back O. DC guardin,
dar | seed her er sittin' ON de groun
talkin' wid dat yaller niger Ike frum
Mars Tom Campbell's place | seZ
Come erlong, Mary Ann, n les git
dc cows, 70 dark. but she les laff
n sho' her teef n Ike ne say:
G'long, Niger; doan .ou see de
lady's enGaged?'
II doan' say er word, but f. | gifts
very fur in de paschur' dat cat whut
kills hops On on my back wild de
eyes d d. debble in de head whut
looks blue n red n green n yaller
ali at de same time, n say dcs as
plain, XIII dat yaller gal; Xii er
Sam. kill her! Oar de knir In yo'
poclut-slash her TIA de heart she
done flirt wild you, dirt wid you: rows
de time kill 'er. n cyarv, ,ke's
heart outten him; cyarv him!' But
jes' run, Mars Willie. COS LnoM'd
| kwintef do powerful harm .f1id
roun ne paschur gifts Crwa from
whar my eyes could see 'cm. can
sleep nair CT wink. n neN aarnin'.
des as ! was or hitchin' up ~ r3ilrs
fer 20 go after wood, who ,gild
comerlong but Ike er holdiu Nary
AIMS hans, N she or Yeariu' Dc
clos Miss Martha dun gin her fer do
weddin' n she turn n lool at me
impuden Xix n say, Dats right.
Sam go fer DC wood fer ter mai de
FANS but men Ike we gwinc ter de
fish Try N ~ sine walk of She kin'er
turn n say. Nm Sam here's dat
brass ring o ycur'n--I doan' want IL
no mo. Ike. he gwinter gimme er
gor one.
DO mules dey switchin dey tails
Ter to keep de hosshys off'n 'cm n
de debblo-cat be hop up on my shout.
der m poke his BRET In my face-
BRET dat had fab IN hit. n say TIil
cm now, Sam Kill 'em! Des % I
gifts my knit out'n my pocket. DAT
stu hold blood on II from whar I
cur myself n opens it. er voice Gce es
plain az my voice is now, u sweet az
dc pianner IS when yo' sister, Miss
Sailie, play FOR dat Yankee man from
Fillydelfy whom he come down here.
n dc voice say, Member DIV Father
who are in Heaven. Sam. IA den
when 1 shuts up de knit - turns nv
back, do debble-cat he try ter bite or
piece out'n my lip, but or angel han
swishes him erway m den / leaves
dat place n comes on ter town. n
here is.
ION, but YOU are married nov,
Sam; whats the difference?r
"Yassir, bat dat oman married