davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Savannah morning news., 1904-07-11
The Assistant Job.

Several Presbyterian clergymen were
discussing the development of the in
stitutional church, says the New York
Post. One of the party expressed the
opinion that executive and social abil-
ity in a pastor had overshadowed his
preaching powers, which moved a for
mer moderator to tell this story on
himself:
mot long ago one of the women of
my congregation came to me to ask
why 1 did not get an assistant.
But l do not need one, madam,
l assured her. When she insisted that
did 1 endeavored to find out what she
thought such an assistant could do to
relieve me of a portion of my pastoral
work
Would you have him make the
pastoral calls?' I asked.
of course not. You would con-
tinue to visit us
Would you want the assistant to
baptize your children"
mo
Or to visit you when you are ill?'
Certainly not. No one could take
your place for that"
Further questions met with like re-
plies, so finally 1 asked in desperation:
Then, Mrs. -, what would you
have the assistant do"
You might let him do the preach
ing"
The Savannah morning news., 1904-07-11
THE TICKET COMPLETED.

Parker and Davis" reads the DEM
ocratic national ticket: Parker Of New
York and Davis of West Virginia. The
convention cannot be said to have come
south for its vice presidential candi-
date. as West Virginia is more a
Northern than a Southern state: but
It came very nearly to the geographic
cal dividing line. Mr.. Davis home is
in Elkins, which as the crow flies is
only about fifty miles from the Virginia
state line. Having made so near an
approach to a Southern nomination.
possibly four years hence the party
Will have the courage to cross the line.
Henry G. Davis has been well and
favorably known in public and busi-
ness life for many years. He has
held several high positions of honor and
trust, in which he has discharged his
duties faithfully and satisfactorily. He
is an eminently successful business
man, having accumulated a large for
tune from the development of the min
eral resources of his state. That he is
an investor and developer will tend to
strengthen the confidence of the bust
ness interests in the ticket.
Mr.. Davis is one of the oldest, il
not actually the oldest man, ever nom
mated on a national ticket. Allen G..
Thurman was IS when he was named
with Cleveland in 1888; Mr.. Davis is in
his eighty-f1rst year. But Mr.. Glad
stone was Prime Minister of England
at the same age. Being a hale and
hearty man, in the full vigor of men
tai activity, there is no reason why Mr..
Davis should not be elected to the vice
presidency, and round out his career
with full term in the second highest
Office in the gift of the American peo-
ple.
The Savannah morning news., 1904-07-11
THE BoY,s SHOTGUN.

Boys in other parts of the country
may soon be in a position to extend
their sympathy to the boys of New
York. At the last session of the Legis-
lature of that state any effort was
made to take the boys guns away
from them. Occasionally, of course,
there are careless boys who handle
their guns in such manner that peo-
pie get hurt or killed by them. No
not to have guns. But 1t seems that
should be a matter for parents, II they
are sensible people, to regulate. The
whole tribe of boys In a state ought
not to be punished because OF the
shortcomings of a few OF their kind.
Those New York reformers pro-
pose that no gun or frearm Of any
description shall be sold to, owned
or carried by a boy under 16 years
of age. and II the boy lives in an in
corporated city, town or village he
must be is years old before he can
ewn or carry firearm OF any descrip-
ton. If the bill had been aimed at pis-
tolls only. it wouldn't be at all bad.
No boy has any legitimate use for
pistol. and pistol toting has got
many good boy into trouble. But
every boy with a level head. strong
arms. sturdy legs and keen eyesight
has got abundant use for a shotgun,
and that before he reaches the age of
rs years. Along about thirteen the
healthy boy develops a hankering for
gun. and by the time he is fifteen
he either has the gun or a mighty
longing for one that nothing else will
satisfy. And the happiest day OF his
life is the day on which he comes
into possession OF his first little Sin
gle-barrel," whistles 70 Fido and starts
out after deer and Wild turkeys. but
compromises on about two sparrows.
lie will walk ten miles for his spar
rows, and come home hungry as
The Savannah morning news., 1904-07-11
PERSONAL.

Augustus Thomas, the playwright,
has all but decided definitely to set
tie permanently in Europe. Mr.
Thomas, who has always been a stall
wart American in all his tastes,
thought that he would never select
Europe as a place of residence. But
his views were changed by a soiourn
of some months abroad.
-Bourke Cochran, the New York
congressman, recently told a meeting
of the Women's Federation of Clubs
that between polygamy and divorce
the difference is all in favor of the
former" "Polygamy," he continued.
"comprehends group of wives at
one time, while divorce simply means
driving them tandem"
Like the traditional Englishman,
Arthur Stanley, dean of Westminster,
wore home from his first visit to
America an expression of amazement
which only time could efface. He was
at once beset by interviewers, who
asked the usual questions. What was
the thing which most impressed you
in America" was one of these. With
out a moments hesitation Dean STAN
ley replied: MY own ignorance"
The Savannah morning news., 1904-07-11

John Sharp Williams. Democratic
leader of the House. was greatly an
noyed when a visiting committee tried
to map out for him and his colleagues
a line of duty, says the Rochester
Herald.
You remind me of the preacher"
said Mr.. Williams to his visitors, who
demonstrated with a man in his COM
munity for not coming out to church.
The man, after much persuasion, con-
sented to attend worship on the fol-
lowing sabbath During the sermon a
violent storm ragged and crashes of
thunder interfered with the speaker,
making himself heard
L won't attend any more said the
reluctant church attendant when at
the conclusion of the service the
preacher asked him to come again.
And why not?' asked the divine.
If the Lord had wanted me to lis
ten to your Sermon said the man as
he fumbled his hat, I don't think he
would have interrupted your sermon
with Thunderstorm E."
The Savannah morning news., 1904-07-11

There are signboards in every city
that inform observers that practical
plumbers practical horse-shoers,"
practical gas-fitters' and practical
tailors" do business within the doors
over which they are hung; and the
people are doubtless properly impress
ed with the qualifying term, ''practi-
CAL" We all know that there are
many imprac .ical artisans in the lines
mentioned doing business in the coun-
try, and rendering bills of goodly pro-
portions; so when we read that a
practical plumber" is at hand await
ing our call. we naturally feel sure that
we have struck the right man, in con-
tradistinction to the man who is mere
ly plumber.
Now, if we set so much store on
practical" plumbing, horseshoeing and
gas-fitting, why should we not have an
equally high appreciation OF ''prac-
teal poesy? Why should pretty much
all of our poetry, especially that ham
mered out during hot weather, run to
dreams and beams. and loves and
doves? Why not have something that
has body and strength to it, as well
as soul? Why shouldn't the poet come
down to earth and tell of things that
people want to know? The thought
occurred to the genius who has be-
come known to fame as The Practical
Poet of Cannon Mill. N. c." and he
resolved to act upon it. In his position
as correspondent of a Charlotte daily
newspaper the opportunity soon came
for him to test the new manner of rid
ing Pegasus. Here is the effort, which
appeared under the charming title,
"The Burglar and the Breeches:"
Twas beautiful night in the month
of May,
That marked the close of a lovely day,
And the moon shone down with a holy
light
On the sleeping city fair and bright.
Such was the case. yet strange to
think
IT'S all concerning Mr.. Swink-
Concerning he and his wife so bright
And a Concord burglar on a moon
light night.
When he the Book of Life had read.
In humble prayer he bowed his head,
While long petitions scaled the sky,
His loving wife was kneeling by.
Now I lay me down to sleep:
May Christ the Shepherd guard mis-
sheep,
And watch them with unsleeping eyes
TIL they shall meet him in the skies"
When he his humble prayers had said
He hung his trousers on the bed
And kissed his wife a sweet good night
And closed his eyes on the moon so
bright.
And the Goddess OF sleep with her
silvery wings
Unfolded the future OF happy things,
While an unknown man
With a great long pole
Hooked his breeChes with skill untold.
Here, then. is an example OF "prac-
tical poetry" and we have no doubt
II Will make a hit. II is practical"
because II gives an interesting local
item of actual occurrence. 1t is poet
ry," because the lines rhyme, and at
the same time show a wealth Of imagi-
nation. It shows genius. Who but a
genius. with a great long pole" could
have hooked his breeches with skill
untold?" And who but a genius could
have related the incident in so fetch
ing a manner? We have TO thank the
Tar Heel State, the producer Of many
good things. for the Practical Poet Of
Cannon MIL"
The Savannah morning news., 1904-07-11
THE VETERANS LICENSE.

There is a small matter which every
now and then causes annoyance, If
nothing more, that might easily, and
should, be corrected by the General
Assembly. The correction can be made
by few words amending the law. We
have reference to the law which per-
mits Confederate soldiers to do bust
ness without paying for a license, when
such license is required of other per-
sons engaged in carrying on similar
business.
The enactment of this law was
doubtless intended to help INDECENT and
disabled soldiers to earn a living; but
in operation it seems to enable any
one who was a Confederate soldier,
whether he needs assistance or not,
to escape paying any part of the cost
of supporting the state government,
should he desire to shirk that RESPONSE
bility.
There are relatively few veterans in
the state who have availed themselves
Of this very liberal law. But there
are some who have claimed and OBJ
tanned exemption from state, county
and municipal taxation under it, and
have then transferred their privilege
to others, permitting them to do bust
ness without taxation under a veter-
ans license. Some years ago a case
was reported where a barroom was
run without the payment of city and
state license, under a veterans ex-
emption.
While nobody would take from
poor and worthy ex-soldier of the state
and the South the privilege of earn
ing living without paying a license
tax, it was never intended that the
exemption should extend to those who
are able to contribute to the support
Of the state government; nor was it
intended that the certificate of ex-
emption to soldiers-an award of merit
and heroism-should be traded or
loaned out.
The Legislature would do only JUS
tice to the poor and worthy ex-sol-
diers, as we'll as to others, and to the
state and municipalities, if it were to
amend the present law so as to keep
the use of veterans licenses in a prop
er channel.
The Savannah morning news., 1904-07-11
The Cockroach IN enc cate.

Screams and cries of Kill that
cockroach!" filed the fragrant air of
a fashionable Louisville restaurant
yesterday. says the Louisville Herald.
"Suttenly, seh," responded the negro.
He struck at the bug with a napkin,
but missed it several inches. He then
made a move as if to step on the Of
fender. The roach disappeared between
two steam pipes. In a few moments
he appeared again, and once more the
waiter made two unsuccessful efforts
to eXterminate him. A man seated near
the door thought the waiter was
"bluf1ng" in his attempts to kill the
roach. Waiting his opportunity, he
said:
why didn't you want to kill that
roach?"
Apparently recognizing that denial
was useless, the waiter said:
'Pow'ful bad luck, sch. It's mighty
bad luck to kill spidah, but Misteh
Roach is wuss. One of Duh boys step
ped on a roach last night, jess
by accident; didn't mean TO do it
attal; an don you know, sch, inside o.
FIVE minutes he drapped a tray O.
dishes; an besides, he didn't pick up
marry piece O. money that whole even
in
Whenever a gemmen says XIII
that roach my eyesigt gets mighty
bad, an it looks jess as if 1 can't flip
napkin straight or put this fot O.
mine down on him. l allus misses.
Every roach is a king in this house
when I'm on watch"
The Savannah morning news., 1904-07-11
BRIGHT BITS.

"A bookkeeper-the man to whom
you lend one.-Philadelphia Record.
Time the Observation-Disclosures"
don't like the shoes; the soles are too
thick" Shopman-"You will learn to
like them, as the objections you speak
of will gradually wear off. ''-Pick-Me-
Up.
Now. isn't that just too mean?"
whats the matter?"
Aunt Margie lives in st. Louis, and
she writes us that she's got her house
full of boarders. Cincinnati CONNER
cial-Tribune.
Mrs. Cantor-"T can't understand
why Mr.. Steiner invariably leaves the
room when I go to the piano. He told
me ne was very fond of music" Mr..
Cantor-"And doesn't his conduct
prove, my dear?-Boston Transcript.
-Bridget--"why, Master Tommy.
what ever is the natter" Tommy
rive hurt my Inland in the h-hot
water" Bridget--"Shure, thin, it
serves you right. You should have
felt the water before you put your
hand in!"-Punch.
The Savannah morning news., 1904-07-11
THE MORNING NEWS is published

THE MORNING NEWS Is published
every day in the year, and served to
subscribers in the city. or sent by mail;
one week, IS cents; one month. 70
cents; three months. $500; six months,
$500: one year. $500.
THE MORNING NEWS, by mail,
ok Zines a week without Sunday
issue), one month. 50 cents; three
months. $3.50; six months. $500: one
year. $500.
THE WEEKLY NEWS, two issues
week (Monday and Thursday. by
mail. one year. 800.
Subscriptions payable IN advance.
Remit by money order. check or reg
istered letter. Currency sent by mail
at risk of sender.
Transient advertisements. other than
local or reading notices. amusements
and classified column. 10 cents line.
Fourteen lines of agate type-equal
to one inch in depths the standard
of measurement. Classified column ad-
refreshments, cent a word each inser-
ton. Every word and figure counted
No advertisement accepted for less
than Is cents week days. Is cents
Sundays. Contract rates and discounts
made known on application at bust
ness office.
Orders for delivery of the Morning
News to either rePldence or place of
business can be made by mail or by
telephone No. 30. Any irregularity in
delivery should be Immediately re-
ported.
Letters and kilograms should be ad-
dressed MORNING NEWS" savan-
nah, Ga.
EASTERN OFFICE, % Park Row.
New York City. H. C. Faulkner. Man
ager.
The Savannah morning news., 1904-07-11
WiIIie's Sympathy.

The new clergyman was invited to
dine with the family the other Sun
day, and S-year-old Willie, of course,
made himself conspicuous during his
stay, says Lippincott's. He seemed to
be deeply impressed with the minis
ter, and never let his eyes stray from
him. He manifested as much interest
as his elders in what was said, but
regarded the minister with a some
what sorroWful expression, which was
altogether uncalled for as he was of
a jovial disposition and greatly anus
ed his hearers. AS the minister was
about TO leave Willie meekly ap-
preached him and sadly asked:
"Why-why-how does it feel to be
poor?"
What do you mean, Willie?" laugh
ingly asked the minister, turning to
the parents with an amused smile.
why heard papa say to mamma
that you was a mighty poor preacher"
was Willies startling declaration.
The Savannah morning news., 1904-07-11
CURRENT COMMENT.

The Richmond Times dispatch
Dem.) says: col. Bryan will never
be able to get It through his noggin'
how a man with still tongue could
cut so much Ice
The Charleston Post (Dem.) says:
And the great pacificator of the st.
Louis convention was Benjamin Ryan
Tillman OF South Carolina! The days
Of miracles are still with us
The Louisville Courier-Journal
Dem.) says: Elect the ticket You
bet we'll elect the ticket; Face to the
foe-eyes on the target. Every Demo-
crat in his place. No mounting and
no monkey business. No nonsense
about either 70 or $50. Fools TO the
rear. Braves to the front! March,"
The Memphis Commercial-Appeal
Dem.) says THE platform as a whole
will prove satisfactory to the people.
II constitutes a living creed. and has
no dead issues buried in ii. Il is in
no sense anarchistic or extensively rad
ical 1t meets the tariff and trust
issues squarely. The party that stands
by II Is entitled TO the confidence of
the country ana the support Of the
business interests
The Houston CTex) Post (Dem.)
says: 1T is Watson and Tibbes for
the Populists. For the benefit Of news
paper campaign poets we offer the sug-
gestion that bubbles and dribbles
rhyme with Tibbles. Hot sun would
be a burning rhyme for Watson"
The Montgomery Advertiser (Dem)
says: THE platform is a good one.
and IL looks as II the canpafgn Of 1904
will bring all Democrats together"
The Savannah morning news., 1904-07-11
INDEX 10 NEW ADVERTISEMENTS

Meetings-German Friendly Society;
Georgia Hussars.
Special Notices-General Insurance,
w. T. Hopkins: Notice to City Court
Jurors: Lost at Casino, Ladys Gold
Watch.
Business Notices-Bicycle Tires, G..
w. Thomas; You'll Like the Way. at
Sommers' Cafe.
Call Me What You Please-Pete
Daley.
Ask the Man at the Fountain-The
Solomons Co.
Cigarettes and Cigarros-Henry Sol
ONION & Son.
Jolts and Jars-Lattimore's
MISUNDERSTANDING Druggist
Tetterine for Eczema, Etc.-J.T
shuptrine.
Our Mocha and Java-The Delmonico
Co.
Popular Excursion to Columbia
Southern Railway.
At Casino This Week-The Century
Minstrels.
Red Cross Coffee-Henry Solomon &
Son.
Phone 700-E. &, w. Laundry.
Legal Notices-In the Matter of J. W.
Newman, Jr., of Chatham, and S. D.
Lavadas Of Glynn, Bankrupts.
Natures Perfect Remedy-Kalola.
Medical-Herpicide.
Cheap Column Advertisements-Help
Wanted. Employment Wanted, For
Rent, For Sale, Lost, Personal, Miscel-
laneous.
The Savannah morning news., 1904-07-11
THE MONEY QUESTION ADJUSTED.

The Democratic party and the en-
tire country have a higher opinion
Of Judge Parker than before his dis
patch. relative to the gold standard,
was sent to Mr.. Sheehan Of the New
York delegation at st. Louis, and yet
at one time it looked as if the dis
patch would undo much of the work
Of the convention, bring about vast
amount of confusion, and tear the
factions apart again. It was a tick
lsh time in the conventions history
when the dispatch was read before
that body. and it required cool heads
and wise counsel to avert a condi-
ton of affairs that would have made
the success Of the party in the pend
ing campaign impossible.
There is no doubt of course. as
stated by Temporary Chairman Will
liams, that every delegate understood
that Judge Parker was a Gold Demo-
crat It had been frequently stated in
the public prints that, notwithstand-
ing the fact that he was opposed to
the silver plank in the Chicago and
--''-"@'N' CANS P4cAlpA ms lAE ildu NOltQ
for Mr.. Bryan in 1896 and 1900. That
was an announcement of his position
on the silver question sufficient to
make the whole country under
stand it. Still, when no mention of
the money question was made in the
platform he was afraid the conven-
ton and his party might misunder-
f=
thought it advisable that it should be
made clear before the convention ad-
journed, so that if it was not salts
factory another nomination could be
made.
The Committee on Resolutions, being
unable to agree upon d financial decla-
ration that would be acceptable to
both factions of the party and know
ing that the money issue was dormant,
If not actually dead, had decided that
the wiser course would be to saw
nothing on the money question.
Judge Parker, however. didn't know
the reasons that Influenced the COM
mittee in the course it pursued, nor
that the convention had been inform
ed Of them. Hence, he was afraid
that in nominating him the conven-
ton had acted under a misapprehen-
sion. He isn't the sort of a man to
occupy position of that kind, and he
took stepf at once to arrive at
clear understanding with the conven-
ton and his party.
Fortunately, the matter was salts
factorily adjusted. Even Mr.. Bryan,
the leader of the Parker opposition,
accepted Judge Parker as a gold stand
ard candidate, and the platform as a
gold standard platform, and the coun-
try has been convinced that in Judge
Parker the Democratic party has
high-minded, broad gauged candidate.
who has mind of his own and plenty
of backbone to do what he believes to
be right
The Savannah morning news., 1904-07-11

wolf and happier than a lord. The
gun takes the boy into heslthful sur
roundings and teaches him caution and
self-confidence.
The men of the United States have
heretofore been noted for their marks
manship. In every war in which
Americans have taken part the value
of knowing how to shoot straight has
been demonstrated. The art of sc-
curate shooting was acquired by them
in boyhood. The boy who can knock
over a squirrel between branches, drop
a dove in the midst Of full flight, or
knock a tin can out of A forked stick
al hundred yards, makes the kind of
a soldier that his country can depend
upon on the firing line. During the
Civil War thousands Of raw recruits
went into the army on both sides. They
needed to be drilled in the tactics,
but they needed no instructions about
shooting a gun.
The Savannah morning news., 1904-07-11
Habit n Child Taught a Bishop.

Rev DR.. William Burt. of Rome, re-
Gently elected a Methodist bishop. is
noted for his good-natured tolerance
and resignation, and upon being
asked how he acquired the habit, he
said:
Maybe the remark of a child that
1 once overheard helped me to learn
to complain and grumble as little as
possible. While 1 was studying at
Wilbraham Academy. 1 spent a few
days with this child's father-a good
man, but a chronic growler. We were
all sitting in the parlor one night,
when the question of food arose. The
child, little girl, told cleverly what
each member of the household liked
best. Finally it came to the fathers
turn to be described
" And what do l like. Nancy?" he
said, laughing
You said the little girl Slow
ly-'well you like most anything we
haven't got "
The Savannah morning news., 1904-07-11
Profits are Legitimate.

With the remark that profits are
legitimate, and that it was unwise
and dishonest to pretend always to
be selling below cost. David NJ. Par
~. president of the National Associa-
ton of Manufacturers, told this story
of one of his clerks: This clerk al
ways bought his working clothes at
a little shop on a side street. He
visited the shop one morning to ge
an office coat, and the dealer asserted
that all the coats he brought out were
bargains.
No matter which garment YOU
take, sir said the man, L lose
money on the sale.
But you always tell me that the
clerk objected. If you always lose
money, how do you manage to
live?
Well, you see. said the dealer.
I make a small profit on the paper
and string
The Savannah morning news., 1904-07-11
4 Corner ON Ice.

An extra piece OF ice was wanted,
says Lippincott's. An ice wagon was
at neighbours door, but there was no
small coin in the house wherewith to
pay for the desired article.
We'll, never mind" said mamma
you run out, Blanche. and get A
nickle's worth, the man will trust YOU
until tomorrow"
Now Blanche was not accustomed Ia
dealing on credit, and did not take
kindly TO the idea, but was moving
very slowly 10 do her mothers hid.
ding when some words in large letters
on the top OF the wagon attracted her
attention and suggested an unanswer-
able objection.
But he won't do It., mamma! Look
there on the wagon! II says. Not In
the trust"