The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1904-09-18
WHIMS OF INVENTORS

WASHINGTON, Sept. five don't have'
to look over 30 many tomfool spplicatonit
for patents nowadays as in former yearsa
but the funny practitioners Of patent law
still favor US with occasional farcical ap-
plications,' said principal examiner in
the Patent Office. "These applications are
always in regulation official form, and the
specifications describe all sorts OF non
sensical contriyances and contraptions.
"The chaps who send them in are not
insane. They are usually briedess young
patent attorneys, with nothing much on
hand except time.
Not long ago one Of these applications
drifted in covering claims for an attachable
tail for stump tailed dogs. The applica-
ton was drawn up with great elaboration
and accompanied by numerous drawings
that must have cost the expenditure OF
considerable time and effort 1t was plainly
the work of very idle young attorney.
"The specifications recited the difficulty
which short tailed dogs are alleged to-
experience in turning sharp corners, and
also dwelt feelingly upon the obvious humili-
alton with which short tailed dogs regard
their abbreviated oaudal appendagee. es-
peoally when they come into social contact
with other dogs better fixed out in that
respect. Then the specifications described
the attachable tail at great length. and the
application wound up with numerous seri-
GUS and technically worded claims for the
priority Of the invention.
This. Of course, is all fun, or at any rate
It Is meant to be fun. But many Of the bona
fde applications for patents are more
genuinely funny than the farcical applica-
~ he ;vxa , pyhiCh
patents have actually been issued are little
less amusing.
"A man need not be sane to get United
States patent. II he submits to the Patent
Office an invention that is patentable, he
gets his patent, and quite few patents
| have been issued to men confined In insane
| asylums.
"There is a never ending stream Of appli-
cations for freak patents. Not long ago
| Chicago man applied for patent on an
electric hog killing apparatus. The con-
| traption was 80 devised that the unsuspect-
! ing hog stuck his head through an aperture
| in an electrically wired compartment.
closed circuit by butting his snout against
a metal sheet. and with his head firmly
held within the aperture by drop clutch
apparatus, practically committed involun-
tary suicide.
Another man from the West applied,
| not long ago, for a patent on an electrical
horse The horse is fashioned Of aluminium.
the body completely covered with the hide
Of deceased horse, and in every respect
the animal IL made to look. as natural as
life, even being provided with movable
A eyeballs.
4 4The electrical horse ia intended to run
with the natural movements OF a sure
| enough live horse, and, according to the
applicant, is capable of doing a mile a
minute, lust cantering,' as he states. The
applicant doesn't state what he's going to
do with his electrical horse after he gets
his patent-supposing he gets it-but 1t Ia
presumed that he meditates entering his
imitation runner as a ringer In races with
honest-and-truly live thoroughbreds.
"A few years ago queer genius IN New
England applied for a patent on an i'm
| proved tombstone, a metal affair involving
a lot OF odd kinks and designed to resist
wind and weather for many thousands OF
years. The applicant has died since filing
his application, and one OF his tombstonee
adorns his own resting place in a small
Massachusetts village. with the following
inscription wrought on the face OF 1t:
Here lies Wendell an inventor by trade.
And this you wi II see, Is an invention he made
IT'S strange TO say. though It's most truly said
That he made 1t while living and enjoyed 1t when
dead.
"Still slowed away somewhere in the base
| ment believe. is the rough model OF a COM
I bined plough and cannon patent upon
which was applied for by Nebraska farmer
| His farm was near the Sioux reservation,
and the cannon attachment to his plough
was meant for the sun dancing Ogallalas
/ who engaged in farm raiding.
while ploughing in his field the crafty
agriculturist could, by simply turning his
| plough upside down, load small but ef-
| fective cannon wherewith to shoot or scare
the prowling red persons. The cannon
was provided with an ammunition box
and all Of the appliances necessary for the
proper serving of the piece.
Another queer application from West
ern farmer was for patent on thing he
called a hen pusher. 1t was intended 10
prevent hens from scratching and monkey
ing around in garden patches. Hooks OF
peculiar construction were to be attached
| to the hens feet, 80 that when she dug
into the ground she was gently pushed
forward by the hook and spring apparatus
Another application for patent on q
1 device for the bewilderment OF the abused
hen came in a while ago. 1t was calico