The news & observer. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 1894-current, 1904-04-17
WE MIGHT HAVE A SNORING
CONVENTION, MY BRETHREN
DR.. Whitaker Writes of Snorers and Snoring the
.'Smoker', the Frog, the 'Snorter' and
the "Goose Hisser.''

ence IS, that those lelOWS VINO can SIand
snoring are generally ,the worst snorers,
and do the most outlandsh kind of snor-
ing.
One night a brother preacher and I
were put in the same rcom-yes, had to
sleep in the same bed He began to sigh
and groan as soon as we entered the
room, and to say, in sort of troubled
way, he was afraid he would not be able
| to sleep a wink. OF course I thought
there must be some great trouble on has
mind--that he and his wife might have
had misunderstanding; or, that he had loSt
his pocket book; or that some nelghbor,
or somebody had been saying unklnd
things of him or his family; but, l telt
dehcacy about prying into his trouble, 50
l said nothing.
Presently he groaned again, and signed
sigh that almost brought the tears TO my
eyes. so I was bound to say something.
In reply to my remark he asked: Brolh-
er do Won snore?' 1 told him 1 had never
sat up with myself all night to find out;
but. I had heard people whose words l
had no right to doubt, say that did. lie
aroaned heavily and going to his Valise.
~
of some sort. and took a big dose. and
sighed a sigh that made me feel very
miserable indeed, as I knew that l was
the cause of his extreme trouble. He
disrobed himself and put on his gown,
and took another does Of his sedative,
remarking, he believed he would keep
fire burning all night as he just knew he
couldn't sleep a wink. Then he fell on
his knees to say his prayers and the
groans and the seeming agony of that
moment brought the mourners bench to
my mind. While he was saying his pray
ers, groans and signs punctuated every pc
titon. all of which time l was feeling
that 1 was the guilty wretch who was
giving him all the trouble, and was wish
ing, with all my heart. that 1 was at
home. or in some hay loft-or anywhere.
away from that room. He rose from his
knees groaning heavily, and remarked for
the third time, Il shall not sleep a wink
tonight, Whereupon he toall sedatlve
number three-and crawled upon the bed
lay on the other side, with my handker-
chief over my mouth and nose to keep
even my breathing from being heard. In
about an hour my restless pardner arose
and took sedatlve number four, and
groancd some more, but l said nothing.
1 suppose it was somewhere near two a.
m. when he began to Snore. When he
snorted the first time, | said, THANK God
, for that" 1 had been lying there three
, or four hours, pinching myself, lest l
might fall asleep and breathe little loud,
and. with my handkerchief over my mouth
, and nose. so that l might not disturb the
poor fellow. But now he was snoring
, not caring how much he might disturb
me. Then 1 fell asleep, and the sun was
away up before either of US woke, in the
morning. The first thing my companion
said was: II don't think you snored any
last night" But you did, 1 replied,
''and / certainly enjoyed it; for as soon
as 1 found out that you were asleep I
turned about and went to sleep Also
1 am heartily sorry for all such scarey
folks. They ought never to go from home.
for they not only make themselves mis-
cradle. but put house-keepers to trouble.
1 told one of those nervous preachers,
who cant stand snoring, that he ought
to take his wife along with him so that
he would be sure to have room with
no other man in it. why, BROTHER said
ne, my wife has to sit UP every night
until have gone to sleep; 1 am SO nerv-
Gus I can't even bear to hear her
i breathe"
Il would not blame her to leave you,"
l said, and wouldn't
AT a camp meeting some years ago, a
very nervous preacher and 1 occupied
bed together. doctor of divinity and
one of North Cardinals most distinguish
ed politicians, who was quite as great a
shorter as the doctor, occupied
another: and two younger preachers oc-
low. IaI nd he T fd1l nrlA
and, with an elbow, that felt to me as
sharp and as hard as a horn, my man
hunched me, saying: Whitaker, turn
over!"
l turned, of course, for I always like
to be accommodating. But, it seemed to
me only moment. before he hunched
again saying. Turn Overt l turned, for
when l like a man I'll do almost any
thing to oblige him. But he hunched
again and asked me to turn over the third
time, saying as he did SO: you breathe
just like you are about to snore.'' That
remark woke ne up, just in time to hear
the doctor and his bed fellow open their
batteries. They skirmished around
minute or so, with few snorts, but soon
numbered their big guns and went at
it in siege fashion. There was no sham
ming about it; the engagement was on.
! My man didn't ask me to turn over any
more but, before went to sleep, I think
| he had turned a hundred times, and in
the morning he announced that he had
spent a sleepless night. l never slept
| better I remarked to him the next morn
! ing that any man who would lie awake all
/ night to listen to that snoring was fonder
| of music than / was. He said 1t was
| simnlv cruel to serve a man that way.
| ba,, to sleep with nervous preacher
not long ago-one that hates snoring, but
SHORES all the same. I muzzled myself
and behaved all right until he got to
sleep, and, although he snored '-gwlne and
a-conrin'.' ] made no complaint; for in
this democratic land of ours, hold that
every man has a perfect right to blow
his own horn. according to his own no