davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-03-17
Told of Mark Twain.

Mark Twain and w. ID. Howells were one day
lunching in cafe IN New York.
Two overdressed young men entered. and the
first said in a loud voice:
waiter, bring me some bisque of lobster a
bottle of white wine and a chop. Just mention
my name to the cook. too, so that everything
will be done to my liking
The second young said:
Bring me sole with peas, and tell the
cook who it's for"
Mr.. Twain gave his order a moment later He
said, with wink at his companion:
Bring me half dozen oysters, and mention
my name to each of them."-New York Tribune
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-03-17

IL is st. Patric;s's day in the mornin'. and.
spropos, there is likely to be a large number
OF speeches made In denial of DR.. Park
bursts recent statements. "DisagreeabIe
as IL may be TO the pride of the Irish" said
he. est. Patrick was a Scotchman. bor,
perhaps at Dumbarton, near Glasgow His
name was not Patrick. but Patricius. -
Where did DIR. Parkhurst get all this infor-
nation? According to the best obtainable
authority. Patrick was born I'm 'Bonaverr
Taberniae." now known as Boulogne-sur.
Mer. The statement that his name was
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-03-17
Correct Statement.

Francis Trevelyan. the turf writer who has
just returned from brief visit to England
tells Of conversation he heard before he de-
parted from the other side. A farmer who had
bought horse from a dealer said:
That horse you sold me balks, bites, kicks.
runs away and tries TO batter down the sides
OF his STALL
We'll, 1 can't help that" was the calm
answer.
But you told me if got him once 1 wouldn t
part with him for 600"
That's right don't think you will."-New
York Times.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-03-17
STORIES THAT ARE TOLD.
Fate Of n Library,

Yes said the citizen, I'VE had circulatin'
library. but it don't circulate round here no
more.''
What's the reason 90
Feller come along dark night an circu-
iness.''
''Of what did the library consist?"
g Pilgrims Progress Bible with brass
clasp TO it, six amanacs. ten pounds O.
Websters Electromagnetic without the bridge
to it; an reckon eff it had had bridge, he
a took that too!'-Atlanta Constitution.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-03-17
Natural POliteneSs.

stout hostess. who was entertaining large
company one evening, turned to a group Of
young men standing her chair and smi-
ingly asked: May trouble of you young
gentlemen for glass of water from the pitcher
the table?'
Several Of the young men hurried to comply
with the request One, who was particularly
active succeeded in reaching the table first.
AS he handed the glass of water to the hostess,
she compmented him.
'Oh. that's nothing" he said. 81 am used to
it, got into many a circus and menagerie
when l was boy by carrying water for the
elephant. ''-Philadelphia Press
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-03-17
THE INDIANAPOLIS JOURNAL NEWSPAPER co.
Ind.

Persons sending the Journal through the malls
IN the United States should put an eight or a
tWelve-Page paper 1-cent stamp: on a sixteen,
twenty or twenty-four- paper z-cent
stamp. Foreign postage is usually double these
rates.
All communications intended for publication in
this paper must. in order to receive attention, be
accompanied by the name and address OF the
writer.
Rejected manuscripts will not be returned un-
less postage Is inclOsed for that purpose.
Entered as second-class matter at Indianapolis.
md. pOsfOffce
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-03-17
What He Really Needed.

What need" said the young man who
had just returned from college to the little town,
is wider sphere"
What you need" replied his father, rs
pair Of boots YOU stick your pants into
instead OF them CATERS you've got on You git
the boots and l guess your spherell be wide
enough. Chicago Record Herald.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-03-17

less powder OF its own, the secret of which
is carefully guarded. If the Indiana man
can establish his claims for his powder 1t
will probably be adopted by the govern
ment and will easily take first rank.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-03-17

not Patrick. but Patricius,' is mere quib-
bling; as well say Marc Antony's name
was not Marc Antony at all, but Marcus
Antonius. All this is only renewed evidence
that Parkhurst likes to stir UP animosities
and sensations, and he doesn't much Gaze
how he accompishes his ends.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-03-17

Since the youthful "carbarn bandits of
Chicago have given up hope of escaping
the death penalty for their crimes they
have been seeking fame by confessing to a
large number OF murders. 1t is probable
that they did not commit these crimes, but
they are anxious 10 go down TO history as
bloodthirsty outlaws. Ii is a pitiful ex-
hibition of instructed ambition and energy.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-03-17

Is the hero of the hour in st. Petersburg
That is because he has so far done nothing
exceptionally foolish, and all the others
have. Heroism is only relative after all.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-03-17

Admiral Togo appears to be the most re-
markedly silent and persistently active
fighter since Grant. All others are prom
ising, Boosting, explaining; he alone is say
ing nothing and bending to the bucksaw
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-03-17

Congressman Scott makes response to Mr.
Clevelands charge that he DETAINED the dead
II Mr.. Cleveland regards the statement that a
negro politician. deceased. dined at his
table as dcfaming the dead. perhaps Mr.. Scott
is willing to let 1t GO at that.-Kansas City
Journal.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-03-17

When a Russian captain in Manchuria
was tried by court-martial and shot for act
ing as spy for the Japanese the official
organ at ST. Petersburg simply announced
that he had been excluded from the serv-
ice II is so hard for Russian to tell the
truth
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-03-17

The Indiana Democrats scy they viii aecers
anv New Yorker n candidate Tor fresicehs
except Willy Hearst Doesn't the tradins STAMP
which goes in Rhode Island pass current Va
- -. ., the wabash New York Press
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-03-17
A Look Ahead.

Fond Youth-What's the OF waiting
Fanny? Why can't We be married right away?
Prudent Maiden-It would never do. Harold
Think what a borrid thing it would be to have
to celebrate our wedding anniversaries always
IN March,-Chica go Tribune
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-03-17
THE HUMORISTS.
Theory and Practice.

Knicker-who is that lecturer who made such
an eloquent plea for the simpler life?
Becxer-That's Jones: he's trying to make
enough money to get an automobile.--New York
Sun.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-03-17

known I sell abor. a hundred different
alleged cures, but the best they do is to
afford temporary relief. All useful corr cures
contain salicylic acid. and most OF them co.,
lodion. The positive of a corn on
the toe is to cut the toe Of What's the good
OF toe anyway except to breed corns."-Eew
York Press
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-03-17

The Customer-Here, waiter. Take my order.
please.
The Waiter-Scuse me. sab. But All must
just inquiah IL yoh reco' missed de Grand Con-
federated Union 90 Colored Gentlemen Help
BROOKLYN Times
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-03-17

The fact that st. Petersburg is dissatis-
fed with Secretary Hays diplomacy
causes America to repose an added conf
dence in that diplomacy. If the Russians
liked it we would begin to suspect that
something was wrong
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-03-17

.Also." continued the portly lady who was de-
livering a lecture on ''the duties of the model
Wife before the womens club. I'VE should
always greet husbands with a kiss when
they come home. Now. will one of my auditors
tell the underlying principle of this?''
A stern, cold woman arises in the rear Of the
audience
..lt's the surest way to catch 'em IL they've
been drinking" she says with knowing nod
Judge
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-03-17
TERMS OF sUnscRIPTIoN.

BY Observation-Disclosures and SUBURBS
Daily and sunday. soc a month. i2c week
Daily. without Sunday. fJc q month. Ice a week.
Sunday. without daily. SC week.
Single copies: Daily. cents Sunday. cents
ny AGENTS EVERYWHERE
Daily. per week 10 cents.
Daily. Sunday included. per week. - certA
sunday. per issue. cents.
BY MAIL PREPAID.
Lazy eaISlOn, one year.
Daily and Sunday. year---.--.---...------ s-91
sunday only, one zSo
Weekly Edition.
one copy, %
One copy. six months. ............-.....S0 cents
CHe copy three Gents
No subscription taken for less than three
months
Subscribe with any of our numerous agents or
send sl.bscription o
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-03-17

druggist. being asked what is the COM
monest ailmert among his customers. replied
'-Corns-' Surprise being expressed. he added
IL know you expected me to say colds. and
of course. everybody has = cold. But a cold
u not pernasnency. corn t. There Il no
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-03-17

The Mornons have confessed to about
everything now. except that they are
ashamed of it. They are remarkably like
the Chicago car-barn murderers.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-03-17

1t is beginning to look as if Mr.. Reed
Smoot would be found guilty and punished
for the polygamy of MIR. Joe Smith
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-03-17

- than hurt but the princess also presented
h,,, with a beautiful new machine, much n'ors
valuable than the old one ever Was but th~s
wasn't all Another royal gift was sent "a
Tarbox's home. IL was pair OF ne" sr0o
-. those torn IN the accident.-Lond0n
,...- On phfladeiphia Press.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-03-17
MINOR TOPICS.

The Paris papers are already rejoicing
over that 100000 we are going to pay
to the Panama Canal Company. The Jour
nal des Debats says:
One factor OF strength which this tParis)
market Will presently have to reckon o.
is the 3eo-niiliion franc payment py the
United States for the Panama canal Iha'
payment Will mean the effective introduc-
ton OF new capital into France, and Frencn
home resources will be proportionateiy en-
larged.
But perhaps this paper is calculating It's
poultry too early. Wall street has no.
ton that all that money is going TO DC
invested here. and Wall street may have
reason for its faith
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-03-17

There were no Tanmany Democrats men,
toned in the Bristow report: neither are
there any congressional postofices in New
York CITY
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-03-17

A man out West who tried 20 build r'ss-
form 70 hold Bryan and the Democratic party
AT the same time has been seat 10 an insane
asy,um-New York Herald
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-03-17

TO wonder He oprated a mighty successful
corner in wheat last year.
''What?''
Fact. That corner lot o. his'n yander IL
yielded LOO bushels "-Philadelphia Press.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-03-17

Where women vote asserts Denver
paper, women are better off," Yes? They
vote in Utah, do they not?
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-03-17

THAT old codger seems to be quite an inde-
pendent old party remarked the travelling man.
'.By hecx.' exclaimed the village wit. "it's
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-03-17

After all, what is the use of worrying
about Rhode Island? Nobody believes that
the little State will not go Republican as
usual.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-03-17
TELEPHONE CALLS.

Either Company a. m 10 midnight through
the week and from -. TO midnight on sur,
days ask for the Journal. then ask the Journal
operator for the department or Individual
wanted.
AFTER MIDNIGHT THROUGH THE WEEK
AND BEFORE 6 L. n ON SUNDAYS
Old Telephone Editorial S592 and 3S9s; circu-
lRtion 359l. counting room. $3.50
New TcIephone-E6itoriai Sc. $50 10; count
ing room or circulation department. u.s.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-03-17

Hereafter it Will be proper to allude to
the United States Supreme Court as "the
submerger''
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-03-17

the jail. What the town really needs is a
new jailer.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-03-17

LOUISVILLE-C. T. Deering. northwest corner
OF Third and Jefferson streets. and BlUefeld
Bros, 442 West Market street.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-03-17

payment will mean the effective introduc-
ton or new capital into France, ana Frehch
home resources will be proportionateiy en-
larged.
But perhaps this paper is calculating Its
poultry too early. Wall street has no.
ton that all that money is going to De
invested here. and Wall street may have
reason for its faith.
A New York farmer received a blow on
the head a few weeks ago which set him
back forty years. He now thinks he is
boy again-and a sort of Katzenjammer
kid at that. 1t is said that he has been
consulted by sixty-seven elderly females
as to just where he got hit, whether it
hurt much and whether he looked as young
as he felt.
a local evangelist declaims against hired
church choirs ON the ground that the "un-
redeemed are not fit to sing the praises of
the Lord. Yet we are told that the un-
worthiness of the priest shall in no way
affect the efficacy of the sacrifice. And
who shall say that because men are pro-
fessional singers they are unredeemed?
They are having a big time in Boston to-
because it happens to be Evacuation day
as well as st. Patrick's Boston will never
get over being glad that she got rid of
those British soldiers.
Professor Wiener, of Harvard, says that
so per cent. of Russian blood is yellow.
Then, unless somebody has been stufiing
Wiener. this is not a contest between
white and yellow, but between Mongol
and nongrel.
The Japanese regulations for foreign
correspondents provide uniform dress and
small caps for the heads The corre-
spondents. however, will continue to have
immense caps for the heads, whether justi-
fled or not.
The Rev. William Shenk, a Kokomo
minister, will join a circus this spring, but
the report that he goes as an equestrian is
incorrect. Whatever may be said about
his change of profession, he is not back
slider
A woman in Pennsylvania who had not
uttered a sound for years regained her
speech on the day of her daughters mar
this supreme example of the irony of
fate.
The Supreme Court of Missouri has de-
clined to aid bank robber who appealed.
Silly man-why didn't he plumber a city
if he expected help from the Supreme
Court?
A Detroit man has confessed to robbing
lawyer. The authorities do not know
whether to send him to Jail or put him in
dime museum.
1t is estimated that in 5000 years wars
have cost three hundred billions OF dollars.
Well that's about enough. Let's have a
few canals now.
However. be 1t ever so humble, there is
no place like that dear Craig-y-Nos. Wales,
after all!
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-03-17

1t is estimated that in 5000 years wars
have cost three hundred billions Of dollars.
Well, that's about enough. Let's have a
few canals now.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-03-17

ST. LoUIS-Union News Company. Union Depot.
WASHINGTON. ID. C.-Riggs House, Ebbitt
House. Fairfax Hotel. Willard Hotel.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-03-17
THE INDIANAPOLIS JOURNAL

Can be found at the following places:
CHICAGO-Palmer House. Auditorium Annex
Hotel, Dearborn Station News Stand
CINCINNATI-J. r. HawIey & Co., Arcade.
Grand Hotel.
COLUMBUS. O-Viaduct News Stand. $50 High
street
DAYTON. O.-J. " WiIkie. 90 South Jefferson
street.
DENVER, Coi.-Louthain & Jackson, Fifteenth
AID Lawrence streets and A. Smith. 1861
Champa street.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-03-17

However. be 1t ever so humble, there j:
no place like that dear Craig-y-Nos. Wales
after all!
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-03-17

A Detroit man has confessed to robbing
a lawyer. The authorities do not know
whether to send him to Jail or put him in
a dime museum.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-03-17

Los ANGELES. CaI.-Harry Drapkin.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-03-17

NEW YoRK-Astor House.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-03-17

A local evangelist declaims against hired
church choirs ON the ground that the "un-
redeemed are not fit to sing the praises of
the Lord. Yet we are told that the UNI
worthiness of the priest shall in no way
affect the efficacy of the sacrifice. And
who shall say that because men are pro-
fessional singers they are unredeemed?
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-03-17

The Japanese regulations for foreign
correspondents provide uniform dress and
small caps for the heads. The corre-
spondents, however, will continue to have
immense caps for the heads, whether justi-
fled or not
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-03-17

They are having big time in Boston to-
day; they always do on the 18th of March,
because it happens TO be Evacuation day
as we'll as st. Patrick's. Boston will never
get over being glad that she got rid OF
those British soldiers.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-03-17

Professor Wiener, Of Harvard, says that
80 per cent. of Russian blood is yellow
Then, unless somebody has been stufhng
Wiener. this is not a contest between
white and yellow, but between Mongol
and .nongrel.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-03-17

The Supreme Court of Missouri has de-
clined to aid bank robber who appealed
Silly nativity didn't he plumber city
if he expected help from the Supreme
Court?
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-03-17

The Rev. William Shenk, a Kokomo
minister, will join circus this spring, but
the report that he goes as an equestrian is
incorrect. Whatever may be said about
his change of profession, he is not back
slider
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-03-17

A woman in Pennsylvania who had not
uttered a sound for years regained her
speech on the day of her daughters mar
riage. The son-in-law doubtless considers
this a supreme example of the irony of
fot
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1904-03-30
A FLOATING HOSPITAL.
Has Been Fitted UP by the Red Cross
at Port Arthur

Count Cassini. the Russian ambassador,
has delivered to the State Department the
following notes:
Il have the honor by direction of my gov
eminent to bring to the attention of your
excellency that the Red Cross has fitted up
a floating hospital on board a steamer of
the Eastern Chinese Railroad Company
now at Port Arthur. and that the necessary
steps have been taken in all that concerns
it's exterior painting, its crew and equip
ment. in order that the vessel may comply
with the stipulations of The Hague con-
ference concerning the application to mari
time warfare of the principle of the con-
Vention of Geneva of August 1864.
BY order of my government 1 have the
honor to bring to the attention of your
excellency that owing to existing circum-
stances the lieutenant of his majesty. the
emperor, in the far east finds himself I'M
der the necessity of ciusing mines to be laid
at the mouth of the Lao river near Yin
kow. Neutral merchant vessels may still
be freely admitted into the above named
port on condition that they shall comply
with the regulations issued for the pur-
pose"
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1904-03-30
HOLDS BUSINESS MEETING.
Local Association Zeta Psi Fraternity
Elects Officers

business meeting of the Washington
Zeta Psi Association, the local organiza-
ton of the graduate members of the Zeta
Psi Fraternity of North America was
held last evening at the residence of DR.
Joseph Nimmo. 1881 F street northwest
An election of officers was held. resulting
follows:
President, Charles H. Darling Tufts, 81 ::
vice president, John Ball Osborne, Yale
50; secretary, Walter C. Allen, University
of California, 81; treasurer, E. W. Dom
Cornell, '93; corresponding secretary, F. F.
Kaula, Tufts; executive committee, Charles
II. Darling. chairman; Joseph Nimmo, LII
D., New York University. 80; Robert j.
Fisher Pennsylvania College o. William
II. Morse, New York University 20: Wal
ter c. Emerson Colby. "a; Morris Hacker
University of Pennsylvania, So and w
Parker Jones' Tufts, '9S.
1t was decided to hold reception in the
near future in honor of the newly elected
president, Mr.. Darling. Twenty colleges
are represented among the members of the
Zeta Psi Association of Washington, viz:
Brown. University of California. Colby.
Cornell. Dartmouth, Harvard, Lafayette
University of Michigan University of
North Carolina, University of Pennsylva-
MIA, Pennsylvania College. Princeton, Rut-
gers, Stanford, Tufts, University of Viz
ginia and Yale.
The Zeta Psi Association of Washington
was organized in 1884 with a small menu
bership, to which there have recently been
numerous accessions Mr.. Darling, the
rev president, who graduated from Tufts
College in the class of "a, is loyal and
earnest Zete and at the last annual con-
vention of the fraternity. held at Min
neapols, he was honored by election as
president of the entire order
The zeta Psi Fraternity Of North Ameri-
ca is one of the Oldest and most impor-
tant of the college secret Greek letter
fraternties. 1t was founded at New York
University on June L. 1917, and now has
about 5000 living initiates. who represent
thirty chapters, nearly all of which are
in active operation and in a fourishing
condition. in as many universities and col
leges. including two in the Dominion OF
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