The daily morning Alaskan., 1904-01-05
PLAYING OFF
 UNWELCOME GUESTS

Aunt TrlsdciaY
 'The angel oneT
 "Ob, no; I wish she were The other lne-the one who makes long visits and keeps everybody iu an uproar."
 "Just like my Uncle Cyrus"
 'The one you call the general3'
 'Yes. He'd rather fight than eat"
 "so would Aunt Trisucia. She's com. ing to visit us."
 ''What do you say to playing my un- ela as an antdote to your auntf"
 ''Eplendidl Invite him at once"
 Asad 30 it was arranged that General Cyrus Busby should meet Mss Justi- cia Crow, and the meeting took place on the day of their arrival at dinner Not a Wotd had been said to the one about the other, and when i've minutes before going into the dining room they were introduced they glared first at each other, then at their hosts.
 Uncle Cyrus" sad the nephew, "hll your glass"
 "certainly," said the general. 'T drink one glass of wine with every course. Miss Crow, let me an yours"
 "Fnl mlne2 Do you suppose l put such utaG into my mouth2 It's poison, poison to the gentleman and the labor CT. hate it and hate every one who gets on example by drinking it."
 Madam" said the general moving nervously in his chalr. do you mean-to gay that l must deny myself the privi- lege of a social glass just because some idiot chooses to make a beast of him selfY"
 "Uncle." interposed the host, "I neg Iected to explain chat Miss Crow is a lecturer on temperance"
 The irate gentleman spoOned his soup growing within himself, but re- pressing further expression of his feel inss in words.
 Then Billy told the guests about the wedding, incidentally mentioning that the bride would have none but the Rev. Mir. stryker to marry them.
 "Why didn't you go to a justice Of the peaceT' growled the general "If I were married forty times I'd never have one of those parsons to do the Job. They're a hypocriucal, lazy
 "sirg' exclaimed Miss Crow. "Are you aware that my father was min lsterT
 "Then, madam, if be wanted to i'm prove his vocation be should haye'be- come a pirate"
 ''This Is lnsunerable"
 "Aunher from the niece.
 "Uncle," interposed the host again, q forgot to explain that Miss Crow is very religious"
 "H'mr' growled the general choking back another sally and to show his spleen gulping down three glasses Of wine one after another.
 Haven't you got something stronger boy" he rasped This is baby drink Let me have some good old rye whisky. The older l grow the more l find there ls nothing SO valuable as whisky and tobacco"
 "The devils weapons" hissed Miss Crow.
 .'They say the devil gan quote Scrip ture." retorted the general
 Miss Crow sat bolt upright glared and munched her food in silence.
 'Uucle Cyrus" said the nephew in order to keep the two enemies in action, tell Miss Crow about your battles.
 CT consider war barbarous aud wick ed, " said the aunt "A soldier is only another name for murderer"
 That Is me, ha, hap exclaimed the uncle vlciously. Well, Billy, Miss Crow wouldn't Ike to hear much about war, and l wouldn't inhict 1t on her I'll just tell one little incident that happened to me in the Wilderness. You see, the woods were very thick and the firing very heavy on my men. l was walking up and down in front of the line, crying like a baby"
 "Cryingg' interrupted the aunt, her curiosity excited in spite Of herself What ln the world were you crying about3'
 Crying because l couldn't make the men fght. What do you supposeT | growled the warrior.
 "Oh, l thought you were crying for your sinful work"
 Sinful work, madam What more glorious
 "Deyilish, you mean"
 The host signaled the wife, and all rose The ladies retired to the drawing room, and the men smoked
 How long is that intolerable mon ster going to stay 2" asked the aunt
 "Oh, Aunt Trisdcia, l couldn't tell you. Billy says that when he once takes position anywhere It's impossible to get him away"
 'eThat settles it. I go tomorrow. l never met a more uugentlemanike, brutal. irreverent, drinking, tobacco smoking monster in my life. l didn't know you'd married into such a fam ny."
 In the dining room the general asked;
 Where did you pick up that old hen, Bnly3 She's a terror and no mistake"
 "she's an aunt of my wife's who makes long visits
 "Whatl Going to stay with you some tmeV
 Cant tell when she'll go, Uncle Cy."
 Billy" said the general after a l thoughtful pause. "Tm sorry for you. I'd stay and help you out but I'd rath- CT be tied up by the thumbs than stand that old woman. I'll go tomorrow"
 There was need for manipulation in the morning to prevent one of the