Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1904-07-22
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49, f1N


boil it down. We are terribly crowded
to-night-Puck.
Browns Smith the boss over at
his house? Jones-Mrs. Smith says he
isn't, but I take notice he picks out all
the new wall paper.-Cincinnau Trib-
une.
Mr.. Tim Idity-Is your chauffeur a
safe man to ride with? Mr.. Knote
Slowe-Why, certainly! No policeman
has succeeded in catching him yet
Town Topics.
+ Mrs. Chugwater-Josiah, where is
there such thing as laundry trust?
Mr.. Chugwater-Where? What do
you suppose the Flatiron Building in
New York is for?
Arthur, dear, don't you think it's
rather extravagant Of you to eat butter
with that delicious jam?" NO, love;
economical. Same piece of bread does
for oth.''-Tft-Bits
Magistrate (sternly)-Didn't 1 tell
you the last time you were here never
wanted you to come before me again ?
Prisoner-Yes, sir, but couldn't make
the policeman believe it-New Yorker.
"Are you at all familiar with
PlatoY asked Mrs. Oldcastle. .No,
that's one thing Josiah always blames
me for. He says l never make real
close friends with anybody. ."-Phila-
delphia Ledger.
After a more severe reproof than
usual. little Bessie, who is extraordin-
arily sensitive, thought diligently for a
minute, and then said: Mamma, isn't
there any way a child can get d.
vorce from its parents?''
"Some scientists" began Mr.. Gay.
significantly, CONSIDER kissing danger
Gus. Do your" "Well," replied Miss
Smart, Il think it would be for yon.
Ny big brother is within caA."-Ex-
change.
Fair Passenger-I've paid my fare
once. Why do you ask for 1t again?
Conductor beg pardon, lady, but
you look so much prettier every time
I pass through that 1 thought you
were another passenger.-Chicago
News.
Farmer Hoptoad-I dunno as them
city folks is so lazy, after all. Farmer
Trefrog og-How's that, Hiram? Farmer
Hoptoad-One of the clerks at that
hotel where put up wuz up ahead OF
me every mornin', try to beat him as
l would!-Philadelphia Press.
when young fellers begins a-court-
in,," said Farmer Haicede, 'they jest
gifts crazy, an thet thar boy Jim O.
mine amt no exception" whats Jim
bin a-doin'?" asked Farmer Soanreep.
Hanged If he didn't 60 inter town
yesterdy an spend hull sixpence fur
a teethbrush!'
"Yes," said the boarding-school
teacher, II think that is model letter
for you to write your fiance. But of
course you will copy it. leaving out
those numerous spaces?' "Oh, dear,
nor replied the girl. ''Those are for
dearest I have it ON a rubber
stamp."-Detroit Free Press.
Mr.. PhoxyI was going to ask you
to try this little trick. Multiply the
years of your age by three, subtract
twenty-one from the total and what's
the answer? Miss Kute-You should
be able to guess the answer at once.
Mr.. Phoxy-What is it? Miss Kute-
None of your business.-Philadelph
Press.
The honest man Ito theater-door ten
der)-I see that you have signs in the
lobby saying that tickets bought of,
spectators will not be accepted. Now,
want to inform you that l bought
my ticket of a speculator. Door Ten
der with a sickly smile)-Say, you re-
formers give me a pain in the solar
plexus! G'wan in!-Exchange.
Edgar had been asked to write a
composition about the camel. This is
what he evolved: 1.-The camel has four
stomachs, and can go four weeks with
out feeding them, remembering the
week by counting the stomach he hap
pens to be using at the time; and so,
coming in out of the field once
as regular as a clock, for his
breakfast, which is mostly wafer
They had been talking as they
walked. She had remarked paren
thetically: "Oh, it must be terrible to
q man to be rejected by a woman"
Indeed it must" was his response.
Then after a while, with sympathetic
she exclaimed: Il
don't think that could ever have the
heart to do it." And there came q
silence between them as he thought it
Bits.
In a small village in Yorkshire an
old laborer once went into a neigh
bors cottage. In the corner of the
little kitchen stood grandfather
clock, on the dial Of which was the
customary figure of an old man holding
a scythe, and above was the time-worn
"'Tempus fugit." Looking
wisely up at the clock. the old man
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