West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1904-12-22
HOUSEHOLD RECEIPTS.
How To Pick Out A Husband Aud How
To Prepare A Wife For Home
Consumption.

Never buy a wife. Always catch
her yourself. There is no deer so
dear as the one you capture yourself.
This is quite easy as woman is tame
domestic animal and will come
up and stick her head through
a wedding ring if man holds it
out before her Do not take the
first one that you can put your hands
on for fear that you may not be
able to catch another. The woods
are full of them.
Before taking your catch home
observe carefully the following
points. First whether she has a
good color, clear skin and good
flesh, and a generally wholesome
look, for nothing makes a man sick
so quick of matrimony as an invalid
wife; secondly, if she has a kind
temper and an amiable disposition,
for she will be certain to disagree
with you il she is bad natured;
thirdly, if she has intelligence, for
nothing makes family life more
platable than for the wife to have
plenty Of brains; forthly, if she is
sympathetic and affectIonate, for
woman without heart is mons
frosty that is not fit for home con
sumption. If you pick out a wife
who is good looking, healthy,
amiable, intelligent and loving, you
will always feel that you could eat
her up, and never be sorry that
you hadn't.
In going into the matrimonial
market a woman should always be
veiy careful to select husband
herself, instead Of letting ; .r mother
DO it for her OF course, the
mother has had more experience,
and many have better judgment
t'an the girl, hu' husbands are
o. q. Individual taste,
ahd unless one selects the kind of
favor she likes he IS apt to pull up
on her after she has had him for
breakfast and dinner and supper
for a number of years. Some
girls prefer men with to.
bascco flavor, others like someth.
ing that is fzzy and gaseous. while
nothing appeals to the palate of still
other women but simple breakfast
food sort OF man. In selecting a
husband, however, a woman should
be very careful TO see, first, that
the man is old enough to have
worked of the fermentation of
youth, and has become mellowed
and riPened by age, for there IS no
peace in the house with a husband
who is so efierycscent that he is al
ways blowing the lid of; secondly.
that she is getting the genuine
article, and is not investing her
all in fancy brands, for mere is
many a crab-cider husband mas.
querading as champagne; thirdly,
hat she viii not have 10 c kscrew
money out Of him forlthly, that he
las not disgruntled temper that
viii turn into vinegar when he is
eft sitting around al home; filthy,
hat he will always agree withe her.
Having caught your wife, light
The fire Of love, and see that a
steady heat rs kept in the domestic
oven. Dress her generously and
handle her tenderly, for woman's
feelings arc easily bruised. Lard
her we'll with compliments and
stuff her with dauery, to which add
a handful Of chestnus about her
being The mos, beautiful woman in
the world, and lhatyou never loved
before, and you could never love
again, and So on BE sure 90 sea-
son with a illu- time, and do not
on any account omit bouquet of
sweet herbs. Garnish with theatre
tickets and an occasional restaurant
after the play, and serve With rich
sauce Of affection. This dish can
be highly recommended as o. piece
dc res lance Of the family menu.
The reason 50 many men fail in
cooking This dish IS because they
do not regulate the temperature
sufficiently well They start out
with 700 much FIRE vh..G tb ne
glec End LED 80 out after Huue
wbiic. They also season married