Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1904-04-01
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els your wife club woman. Mike?''
Marry the like O. thot, sor. She uses
f1atiron, sor."-Detroit Free Press.
"Say, pa, what's .multum in par
vo?" Those three dumplings you
have just eaten."- Chicago Record
Herald.
Winkl-I have been over in En-
gland visiting the nobility. Van Ant
ler-What did you think of our Amer.
lean girls?-Ex.
+ Worth the Sacrifice
May have kiss before I go? Miss
Weary-If I give you one will you
really goAJudge.
Henri-If kissed you, would you
give it away to your father? Marie
OF course not! What. would he want
with your kisses?-L Vie Parisienne.
Departing Boarder-rm sorry we,
couldn't get along. but I hope you are
willing to let bygones be bygones.
Landlady-Does that include your
board bill, Mr.. Slopay?
The Smart Man: "De really smaht
man." said Uncle Eben, sis de one dat
has sense enough to know dat he's Ii
| able to be fooled de same as anybody
else."-Washington Star.
Tom-Your uncle asked after your
health several times; displayed quite
a tender solicitude; in fact Dick
Yes, his solicitude is tender, but un-
fortunately, not legal tender.-Ex.
! Didn't you think I made some rath-
er cutting remarks in my speech at the
club banquet last night?" 'You did,
old fellow. 1 noticed them. You split
infinitives right along" g."-Chicago Tri
bune.
''Now this won't do, you know"
"What won't?" "This line: Her eyes
were like stars" "Why mott" why
poets have been using that for ages.
Be up to date! Say Like radium.' -
Detroit Free Press.
The Parson-Dis am mos pos s'tvely
de mos 'streemly juiciest chicking
eber put in nah mouth, Brer Jackson.
Brer Jackson-Yes, sab, pahson; dat
choking wuz raised an brung up on
| watermillions, sah.-Leslie'S Weekly.
Boy-My mother said there was a
pound Of sand in the last box Of
| prunes you sent up. Grocer-Well,
YOU tell your mother that was the best
scrubbing sand. She is good Gus
toner, and 1 threw that in.-Philadel-
phia Record.
Unless you keep your face and hands
clean, your teeth brushed, and look
neat, the children of nice people won't
have anything to do with you-they
won't play with you. Young Hopeful
4 bet if 1 had goat and a wagon
they would-Judge.
.Gladys," said Chumley to his man.
you, you should write me a testimo-
NAL" "a testimonial?" "Yes. You
might say, Dear Brother-Once I was
timid, delicate girl, but since using
your collars, shirts and ties 1 have be-
come a new woman"
Father-So you took dinner at Will
lie Stout's house to-day. 1 hope when
1t came to extra helpings you had
manners enough to say NO" Tommy
oh, yes, sir, 1 said mo- several
times. Father-You did, eli? Tommy
Yes, sir; Mrs. Stout kept askin' me
if 1 had enough.-Philadelph Press.
Mother-Elsie, your sister tells me
you took a second helping of pudding
at Mrs. Browns to-day. Little Elsie
So did, mamma. DO you think that
was right, Elsie?" Yes. You know
you have often told me not to contra
dict any one, and Mrs. Brown said, I
| know Elsie will have second helping
| to pudding and 1 couldn't contradict
her. could I?''
The New Woman's Quandary.-
"Yes," the new woman remarked, Il
am greatly troubled" by what?
"Well, 1 want to get married, just to
prove that l can, and 1 don't want to
get married, just to prove that 1 don't
have to. If l don't they'll say 1 can't;
| if 1 do, they'll say 1 have no more in
dependence than any other woman."t
Chicago Post.
Old, Uncle Ben wanted to have his
portrait painted, but he did not care
to pay very much for it. "Surely that
is large sum?' he said, when the ar
list named the price. The artist pro
tested, and assured him that, as por-
traits went, that was very little to
ask. Uncle Ben hesitated. "Well,"
he said, at length, ''how much will it
be If I. furnish the paint?"
Bridget and Pat were reading an ar
ticle on '"The Law of Compensa ton"
"Just fancyv' exclaimed Bridget. "Ac-
cordin' to this, whin a mon loses wan
of his sinses another gifts more de-
vefoped. For instance, blond mon
gifts more sinse av hearin' an touch,
an" "Shure, an it's quite
thrue," answered Pat. "Oi've noticed
it meself. Whin a mon has wan leg
shorter than the other, begorra the
others longer"
A country vicar gave a dance to
<ho farmers and tenants of his parish