davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1904-12-28
Noble Purposes.

my dear young man." said her ia
Their, II like you immensely, and SO dc
all the family, including, of course, my
daughter, whom you wish to marry
But do not feel that / will be treat
ing you properly if give my consent
She is an extravagant girl. Why, hel
dresses and hats for last summer alone
cost more than your income for the
past three years. I don't think
would be doing my duty to fellow
man if permitted
But" interrupted the high browed
youth, Il am just beginning my career
as reformer, and it is my purpose to
inaugurate a crusade against woman's
extravaganza in dress. Marrying your
daughter will simply be golden op-
portunity for me-"
''Take her, my boy, but keep this re-
form plan quiet. Simply try it with
her. Then if it succeeds let me know,
and will put it into effect with the
rest of the family Thus we can slow
ly spread the good work and the glad
news."-ChicagO Tribune
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1904-12-28

man in all dis world, but If you put
some grasshOppers on my hat dey shall
slump off pooty queek."
IF you vhas SO smart. maybe You
can get quart of beer for cent"
said, but he smiles und goes on:
ut vhas luck, Hans-luck unG
smartness, und 1 vhas glad my name
vhas Voglestein. Two weeks ago /
buys horse of man on Fourth street.
He vhas for my soda water peesness
und cost me 1925. In der morning he
vhas dead"
"Und you lose $123"
.Not bit of it, Hans. Before l buy
dot horse | look at one for 5000, but
don't take him. If do he Will be
found dead shust der same. l figure
dot l vhas S75 ahead of der game If
it vhas you, you would buy dot odder
horse, but don't you see where my
smartness comes in? You needn't pc
lief dot | vhas der only pebbles on der
beaches, but you keep your eye on re
und do like | do if you want to wear
diamonds und hat all der big men in
town ask you if it vhas going to rain
pooty soon tomorrow" M. QUAD.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1904-12-28

to Boston und bring der dead pOdy
home und hold some funerals. If
read dot letter hat to send my broth
er-in-law seeXty dollar, und he nefer
pays me back. I pellet | save three
hoOnered dollar like grease, und if you
know of some one who vhaS smarter
like to hear his name l don't ask you
to take off your hat to me, but please
remember dot my name vhas Vogle-
stein instead of Vonderhuyser. 1t vhas
a big DIFFERENCE"
He whistles und laughs und feels
good hope he sends out my growler
for some peer, but instead of dot he
says:
"YOu know like to be alderman last
year i'll der Nineteenth ward? l vhas
all ready to get her nomination When a
man comes to me und says:
'Voglestein, you vhas a. smart man,
und | like you to listen to me. If you
vhas aldermans you vhas in Sing Sing
in two years. If you keep out you shall
be president of der United States next
time
II could see how it vhas, und l kept
out Only last night vhas in saloon,
und more ash ten men cheered for me
und said l should so by der White
House. Dot vhas me again. Hans,
always hit der nail on der head nit der
hammer. What fool l would hat been
to be alderman When l can be presi-
dent! Look at me und see if some flies
vhas on my hat"
l look und don't see any flies, und he
WALKS around like great man und
slaps his leg und chuckles. / nod my
head toward der growler, but Mr.. Vo-
glestein smiles und says:
"Und don't you know how it vhas
about my real estate? Dot man Schmitt-
berger comes to me awhile ago und
says:
'Voglestein, real estate in der Sew
enth ward vhas going to shump vhay
oop. If you buy a lot of me for $3.50 he
Will sell for 500 in one year.
"Vhell, buys a lot und don't go to
see him for four weeks. One day 1
goes oop dere to look, und dot lot vhas
sooch a big hole in der ground dot it
takes one t'usand loads of dirt to fill it
Oop. Shmittberger skins me alive und
can't get oafer laughing. He says it
vhas real estate in China If it vhas
you, Hans, What you doT
II makes some lawsuits" 1 says.
"Dot shows What dunderhead you
vhas. | laugh NIT Shmittberger und
keep still, und What happens in two
weeks more? Why, der brick houses
on each side Of my hole in der ground
falls into it, und she vhas all leveled
oop as nice ash you please und worth
$500. l don't say / vhas der smartest
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1904-12-28
Irish mans Chivalric Choice.

An Irishman travelling in France
was challenged by a Frenchman to
fight a duel, to which he readily con-
sented, and suggested shillelahs as
weapons.
'That won't do" said the French
mans second "As challenged party
you have the right to choose the arms.
but chivalry demands that you should
decide upon weapon with which
Frenchmen are familiar"
''Is that SOP" replied the Irishman,
coolly Every well. we'll fight with
guillotines. Exchange
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1904-12-28

A downtown teacher was having the
boys of her room take the different
words in sentence and compose a SEN
tence Of their own containing one Of
the words. Every one had succeeded
in making the sentence correct in
every manner save one boy, who had
the word driving to operate on. This
Is what he said
''The little boy was 'drivin'' the
horse to the water trough"
At this point the teacher said:
Sammy, don't forget your 'g's."
"Gee," said Sammy, "the little boy
was drivin' the horse to the water
trough"-Philadelp Press.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1904-12-28
Der German Cobbler
His Old Friend Voglestein Drops In to
Talk Over Things.

"a R r. VOGLESTEIN comes In
N my place yesterday NIT a
AVA happy smile on his face,
und When he gets his pipe
lighted oop he says:
Hans, l vhas all right, und dot
makes me feel good
"How vhas you all right?" / asks.
"You know l hat 81 1000 in a gold
mine in Oregon. When buy dot stock
he vhas richness. He pays so per cent
dividends. He vhas better ash four
banks. Dot broker he likes me to
put in ten t'ousand, und / shall do it
but for my old wOmans. She likes me
to wait awhile und see. Do you know
what happened to dot mine last week ?"
"NO"
"Vhell, she runs AWAY to Europe
und steals all our money und vhas
only big fraud all der time. All der
gold in dot hill you can put in your
ear"
Den you vhas swindIed out of
$1,000"
mo, sir. DOrS Vhat makes me feel
SO good. l get $1,000 worth of expert
ence in gold mines, und l safe nine
t'Ousand of der long green to speculate
in cotton. l vhas always lucky man.
Hans. l vhas born dot vhay. If you
only hat my luck you don't hat to cob
BILE oop nopody's shoes"
/ can't see exactly how Mr.. Vogle-
stein come out ahead, und I vhas
thinking about it when he pats himself
on der back und says:
"Maype you hear about me und my
brother-in-law? He goes oafer to Bos-
ton und gets in der vhay of a street
car und vhas knocked feefty feet.
Eaferybody pellets he vhas dead, und
dey take him to der morgue und tele-
graph to me. | vhas oafer in New Jer-
sey und don't get der telegram. Next
day he wakes oop und vhas alive und
goes by hospital. Somepody steals
all mis- money, und he writes to me for
$50. l put der letter in my pocket
und forget to read him. My brother
in-law pawns his watch und pin und
comes home last night"
''Vhell? l says.
"Vhell, don't you see? If get dot
telegram l vhas sadness und hat to go
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1904-12-28
Out for Trouble.

The Russian captain nervously paced
the bridge. Suddenly the lookout
sighted diminutive sailing craft on
the lee bow. instantly the ship was
stripped for action.
what craft is thatY' roared the
whiskered commander.
Its tn fishing schooner Lively
Lena, Pete Wilkins, MASTER" came
back the hoarse reply.
Are you belligerent?"
Dunno what it is
do you want to fight?"
s'NO-nO-no!"
''Then come on!''
And moment later a shower of
projectiles sent the unhappy schooner
to the dark and dismal depths
Cleveland Faindealer.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1904-12-28
PERSONAL

Premier Laurier of Canada is In
poor health and will go to Florida to
recuperate.
Mrs. Louise G. Smith, whose mother
was a sister of Thomas Jefferson, is
dead at Louisville.
John Hare, the well known English
actor, denies that he contemplated re-
tirement from the stage.
Haydn's house in Vienna. where he
wrote THE Creation." and where he
died, has been purchased by the
municipality.
Mrs. Johanna Wood, the mother of
twelve children. was elected con-
stable at Hugo, Colo, by the votes of
both parties. No man would run
against her.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1904-12-28
A Strange Case.

There was a lawyer in B whose
name was Strange, and it was said
that never since he had started in his
profession had he told lie But one
day he died, and collection was
raised among those who knew him for
the erection of a memorial stone After
they got it a dispute arose as to what
would be the most suitable inscription
to put on it. They all had something
to say except one individual, who did
not seem to take any interest.
At last the person referred to was
asked what he thought about it.
"Well," said he, II have something
short and sweet. How's this: Here
lies the body of lawyer who never
told me-"
"But people WON'T know who he
WAS" they protested
"Well," he said, when people see
that inscription they will say. That's
Strange and so it is Exchange
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1904-12-28

English SPAWN Liniment removes
all Hard, Soft or Calloused Lumps and
Blemishes from horses, Blood Spavins,
Curbs, Splints, Sweeney, Ring Bone,
Stiles, Sprains, all Swollen Threats,
Coughs, etc. Save $50 by use of one
bottle. Warranted the most wonder
full Blemish Cure ever known. Sold by
j. T. Bennett, Lancaster, Wis. 98-6mo
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1904-12-28
Month after Month

A cold clings to you. The cough
seems to tear holes In the delicate
issues of the throat and lungs. You
lose weight and you wonder if you are
threatened with disease you scarcely
dare to name Are you aware that
even a stubborn and long-neglected
cold is cured with Aliens Lung
Balsam? Do not spend more OF your
life in coughing and worrying.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1904-12-28
Must Be Dunned.

She-No, l don't propose to speak to
Mr.. Burroughs at all.
He-Why not?
She-Well, he owes me an apology,
and
He-7My dear lady, if you knew Bor-
roughs as we'll as l do you'd realize
that you can't get him to pay any
thing he owes unless you speak to him.
Baltimore News
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1904-12-28
Their Shyness.

$50 their engagement is broken?"
Eyes, they were both too shy to get
married.
"What?"
swell, you see he was shy of money,
and she got shy of him when she
found it out "-Philadelphi Ledger.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1904-12-28
Some Famous Jewels.

Two hundred thousand dollars is the
value set on Mrs. Bradley Martins
emeraldS
A beautiful necklace of black pearls
once belonging to the Empress Eu-
genie is now the property of the
countess of Leicester.
The largest pearl in the world is
possessed by Mrs. Arthur Paget.
A fan incrusted with diamonds,
emeralds and rubies, and valued at
$4,000, is the possession of the
countess of Craven.
Lady Wharncliffe owns the largest
turquoise in England
A marvellous necklace composed of
rough pearls and Egyptian scarbei,
which is as old as 5000 B. c., is worn
by Nine Calve.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1904-12-28
He Meant Raised.

Charley DEAR" said young Mrs. Tor
kins after her husband had been play
ing social game, why are you so Of
ten without money!"
1T is due to the way was raised"
'You mean reared, don't you?
''No. 1 mean raised. Washington
Star.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1904-12-28
When Your Joints are Stiff

And your muscles sore from cold or
rheumatism, when you slip and sprain
a joint, strain your side or bruise
yourself, Painkiller will take out the
soreness and fix you right in jiffy.
Always have it with you. and use it
freely. Avoid substitutes, there is but
one Painkiller, Perry Davis Price
25c. and soc.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1904-12-28

S1OO-Dr. E. Decthon's Anti Diuretic
may be worth to you more than 500 if
you have child who soils bedding
from incontinence of water during
sleep. Cures old and young alike.
1t arrests the trouble at once. Sold by
j. T. Bennett, Lancaster, Wis. 9S-6mo
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1904-12-28

Mr.. HI. Niemeyer, the leading drug
gist at Stockton ILL.,, in a letter dated
Jan. II. 1908, says. "Your Harris Hon
ey and Horehound gives good salts
faction" Harris Honey and Horehound
is certain cure for Coughs, Colds,
La Grippe and all throat and lung
affections. Large bottles 25c, SOC and
$1OO. Sold by J os. 7. Bennett,
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1904-12-28

Itch cured in 80 minutes by Wool
fords Sanitary Lotion. Never fails.
Sold by j. Z. Bennett, Lancaster, Wis.
9S-6mo
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1904-12-28
Probably Not.

II hope he's not as green as be
looks"
"Who?"
"The man who just sat down on thar
newly painted bench" Cleveland
Plain Dealer.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1904-12-28

PR. VOGLESTEIN comes In
NV my place yesterday NIT
AVA happy smile on his face,
Montgomery County sentinel. [volume] (Rockville, Md.) 1855-1974, 1904-02-19
LII DE UhIFFIIHI
Collector for the First Collection District.

SECOND COLLECTION DISTRICT.
/ hereby certify that the following " an
alphabetical list of AL taxes due and IN
arrears for the levy OF 1913 la the second
Collection District OF Montgomery County
Maryland, with the name OF the person,
persons or body corporate assessed' upon
which taxes are due and In arrears. Alter
each name OF such person, persons or BODY
corporate 30 OWING taxes IL appended 4
description OF the property assessed ana
upon which said taxes nave been assessed
(HAS w sOLDkK.
Montgomery County sentinel. [volume] (Rockville, Md.) 1855-1974, 1904-02-19
BILLrHEADs.
Together with every other description Of
PLAIN AND FAHCY PRINTING,
Executed with neatness end dispatch.

Yearly advertisers will be allowed 70
change TOUR times d uring theyear withcu
charge. Advertisements should be marked
with time and space they are 70 occupy.
The Fairmont West Virginian. (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1904-1914, 1904-06-04
neprovins the Apo.tate.

In the early days Of the British Roy
al acad denny reverence for the ''old mas
tiers" of painting amounted almost to
worship When ut Il dinner Sir Martin
Shee. one of the early presidents, open
~ expressed doubts of their infinite SUI
periority, says Il London journal. his
hearers were horrifed.
Sir Martin leaned across the dinner
table and raped upon-it to emphasize
his points.
..Now, there's Raphael:'' he thunder
ed. What did Raphael do that we
can't do better nowadays: Old mas
ter? Why gentlemen I'd be sorry to
think we had not dozen men in the
r. A. now who can draw better than
Raphaer.'
The bold declaration was too much
for old Woodburn. picture dea Ter.
who sat opposite. -
"Sir Martini" he said huskily, fairly
pale with emotion, I've often card
people say they didn't admire 'omer
But this is the first time. sir, I've ever
card It said that It was 'Omer's fault
The Fairmont West Virginian. (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1904-1914, 1904-06-04
The Rond TO Hcn1t1,.

Keep your vitality above the mega
tive condition. and you will never know
disease of any kind. No disease can
exist where there is an abundance Of
pure blood TO get the necessary
amount eat nutritious food. to circu-
late it perfectly take Proper exercise,
and to purify it get fresh air and sun
light. If perfectly healthy condi-
ton of the skin exists and an even
temperature Of the surface of the body
is maintained it is impossible to catch
cold Cold water baths taken every
day Will do much toward producing
the former. proper food and exercise
the latter. Nature gives you an alarm
in the first chilly feeling. Heed 1t at
once or pay the penalty Take brisk
walk or run. breathe deeply and Keep
the mouth closed If You are SO Sit
uated that you can do neither. as in
church. lecture room or street car,
breathe deeply, rapidly and noiseless-
5Iy until you are satisfied that your
body has passed from q negative to a
positive condtion.-EXchange
The Fairmont West Virginian. (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1904-1914, 1904-06-04
Uncon.ctous ftumor.

In Munro's 'Homeric Grammar" the
author gives curious turn to his ex-
PLANTATION of the Greek word "louo-
mai.'' which he interprets as. Il wash
myself. but this Is comparatively
rare!" Again. Liddcll and Scott in
their standard Lexicon" give the
meaning of ..gnodalon'' as amy wild.
dangerous animal. from lion to a
wormH'
In Nagler's .Kunstler Lexicon" the
best book of reference for connois-
.seur of prints we find: Pure. Simon
The correct name of the English carl
caturist known as George CruilS-
shank Evidently some one had told
sthe compiler that Of the three of that
name George was the real Simon
Pure!'
a good example OF unconscious YER
sification in O learned treatise occurs
in DR.. yhewell's work on mechanics
-.Hence no force. however great. can
stretch a cord, however fine. into a
horizontal line which IS accurately
straight,
The Fairmont West Virginian. (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1904-1914, 1904-06-04
TlRkIsH suRI.A SLOWS!

E:EeEIecfsd {; nves end ths s c;sne-
Ssries q En- nsastI IS s-Aplsearnnsss.Saa
here are bur I'LL md led no
mary Of the mosques pic lures re lit
{ tie placeS filed with a inainu tifes$sSrslyes
ana Irregular tomhstones and 1hicfSty
overgrown With Shrubs and rosebGsis-
es IL is not thescusto;a IL fu:.sSs.y to
keep graves in repa r. :;ss..i1 the nlonu-
raenta. stones. beln: tall aud slender
and generally cylindrical, soonsf;sf out
os the p..l.i:ent,icuat,. le:in;a:: -, every,
direction and lending the cemeteries q
wild and Fantastic 4, Z. pears, II &C.
Until AIahm I'D Introduced the fez the
hea dstoneS of mems graves were sur
mounted by carved representations OF
turbans. but since that time the feZ Is
in universal uSe-scarlet when new.
with blue tassel Upon the column
below the cylinder there Is frequently
long Inscription, beginning with an
invocation to God or Il verse from the
Z Koran, and followed by short ac-l
count of the dead mans life.
The tom bstones of women either bear,
no symbol at all or, rs In the great ma.
iority OF cases. are Surmounted by
sunf1ower or something in the nature
of an ara besaue or plant. The inscrip-
verse. In very rare instances persons
of great Importance have very elabo-
rate monuments. which ire usually uS-
ly in proportion rs they are Intended
to be beautiful and, like the others. are
allowed to fall to ruin.
In most Of these small cemeteries
there nre narrow, we'll Kept walks ut
lower level than the graves them
selves and Contrasting oddly with the
wild growth of trees and shrubbery
on eacf side Persons reputed to have
led holy lives are often buried. espe-
cially In the country. in solitary graves
surrounded by elaborate grntings and
covered by roofs and domes. and 1t Is
not uncommon to see them brightly IL
Illuminated at night with votive humps
For Mohammedans not only rever-
ence the memory Of the dead. but be-
lfeve in the efficacy of their prayers
and intercessions. 1t is com mon
thing, too. to see the shrubs about the
graves of sainted personages covered
with hundreds and even thousands of
scraps Of rags torn by pilgrims from
their garments and stuck on the
bushes in the belief that the Offering
will preserve the Individual from sick.
ness.
The Fairmont West Virginian. (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1904-1914, 1904-06-04
Don.t cross your knees.

A MEDICAL authority has uttered a
warning against the habit of sitting
with one knee crossed over the other
a pose which is nowadays almost as
common among women as among men
This apparently harmless habit it
seems, is likely to cause sciatica. lame
ness, chronic numbness. ascending
paralysis, cramps, varicose veins and
other evils The reason Is simple: The
back of the knee, it is explained, as
well as the front Of the elbow and
wrist. the groin and the armpit, con-
tains nerves and blood vessels which
are less adequately protected than In
other parts Of the body. The space be-
hind the knee contains two large
nerves, large artery and numerous
veins and lymphatc glands It Is the
pressure on these nerves and vessels
which is apt to give rise to the various
troubles against which we are warned
E-Harper's Weekly.
The Fairmont West Virginian. (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1904-1914, 1904-06-04
CALL FOR SENATORIAL CONVENE
TON.

" =.
A convention of the Republican
party of the 18th Senatorial district OF
West Virginia, composed of the coun-
ties of Marion, Monongalia and Tay-
lor, is hereby called at FairmoHt, in
Marion county, West Virgini@S on
Saturday, the 21st day of Jupe, 1904,
at 2:30 o'clock P. M, for the$purpose
of nominating candidate for State
Senator of said district for the ensu-
ing term, to be voted for at the gene
raj election to be held in November
next, and for the transaction of such
other business as may properly be
brought before said convention.
The basis of representation in said
convention shall be one delegate for
each 100 votes or fractional part
thereof over fifty cast for the Re-
publican Presidential electors in said
district at the general election held
in the year 1900.
The executive committee of the Re
publican party in each Of the counties
of said district are requested to pro-
vide for the election Of delegates to
said convention according to the
usages OF said party.
Given under our hands thisI2Sth day
of May, 1904.
J.E. POWELL. Chairman.
JAMES W. HOLT, Secretary.
The Fairmont West Virginian. (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1904-1914, 1904-06-04
81 --ss-s .fsn..
Undisputed Master.

He was the author Of no inspiring
measures. the recognized advocate of
no consistent ideals. There was about
his leadership always the suggestion
of secret intrigue, relieved occasion
ally by a bewildering audacity. But
he brought strong men into subjec-
ton or drove them baff1ed from public
life ana exalted those whom he chose,
till opposition had long worn away,
and, in spite of increasing years and
feebleness, he had become, in the
evening of his life, the undisputed
master of the commonwealth
adelphia Ledger.
The Fairmont West Virginian. (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1904-1914, 1904-06-04
Loved Political Power.

Political power, the prestige and
pleasure of being the man who pulls
the wires and runs things were
more to. him than the accumulation
Of wealth, although he took pains to
get enough of that to surround him
self with every comfort and to pos
sess luxurious homes in Pennsylva-
mia, washington and Florida. He was
reported to be inscriptions, and it is
certain that party success did not lose
its value in his eyes if obtained by
purchased votes or stuffed ballot
boxes. But that was not the whole
story Mr.. Quay was man of. per
sonal magnetism, a man of warm and
kindly nature, a man who did in the
course OF his life an immense number
of friendly and helpful services to in
dividuals-the sort of man whom it is
said: You couldn't help liking him"
In the United States Senate Mr. Quay
always had as many personal friends
on the Democratic side Of the cham
Der as on the Republican side, and his
political power was always augmented
by this genial and gentle quality in
him--the4 quality which makes and
keeps staunch friendships
Times