The Savannah morning news., 1904-03-06
THE GENIAL IDIOT
He Discusses Undergraduate Barbarians.
BY JOHN KENDRIcK BANGS.
Copyright, 1904, by John Russell Davidson.

by Jingo," cried the Idiot, there's
more trouble in the educational labor
market. Another college professor has
gone out on strike and threatens to tie
up the whole educational world unless
students are compelled to study Arpeg-
gio del Crescendo eight hours a day."
"Who the deuce was Arpeggio del
Crescendo?" asked Mr.. Brief. another
of those rotten italian poets?"
NO" said the Idiot. "Arpeggio del
Crescendo is not a man, but a sort of
imported phrase applied in higher mus
ical circles to the science of the
Soft Pedal. You know-the one you
whack with your left foot when you
want your bangerola to stop waking
the baby up. It's the little nickel thing
under the piano that looks like cross
between a shoe horn and solid silver
lady finger that turns hard and high
music into numbers soft and low when
you stand on it with both feet"
Il thought the Arpeggio movement
was a sort of sounding of chords in
rapid succession that" began the
Poet.
Don't gee from the point of view of
simultaniety," interrupted the Idiot.
And you are perfectly right in think
ing so. There isn't a dictionary from
Dan to Beersheba that won't testify
that on the night in question you We're
there. Your alibi is complete, Mr.. Poet.
Fact is,'' he added, in loud whisper,
IF there's anything l don't know any,
thing about it's the Arpeggio del Cres-
cendo, the Mucho Multo Dulce, the Ped,
Ped, Ped, and the Diminuto Dumpti-
dunn of George w. Rossini, Peter B.
Wagner or any other old composer.
My musical education has been gain
ed from the awakening influence of a
piano-organ outside of my window at
a. m. of a summers day, in which
every melody that we hear, If it is not
falling down stairs, is represented as
falling UP; and from having had to
listen through my early youth to nay
beloved sister practicing an hour
day upon a freak composition known
as the Black Key Polka Hence you
will please all understand that l make
no claim to the title of a musical per-
Sonage. OF course, l know COON
song from a Scotch high-bawl, and
there's precious little in the way of
Hiawathas that L can't whistle; but
when it comes down to the difference
between Wagner and Reginald de ko-
ven-well, 1 may know it by ear, but
/ can't play it."
well, who cares?" demanded the
Doctor. "If you can't play it what's
the use of talking about it? The world
isn't going to stop going round be-
cause college professor resigns any
how"
Nobody ever said it would" said the
Idiot. "At the same time think that
when a college professor comes out
and says that the college boy of to-
day is a barbarian he ought to be
made to prove it or hold himself in
readiness for surprise party"
Wouldn't be hard to prove that"
said Mr.. Brief. ''If ever there was an
upright downright barbarian in the
whole history of the world we've got
him now in the shape of the average
college boy, and it does not take a col
lege professor to find it out, either. /
never saw anything like his nerve, and
the things he does in public places are
a, disgrace to civilization. l remember
going to see a performance of Hamlet
once in a we'll known college town, and
just because Polonius resembled very
strongly the Professor of Greek, every
time he appeared on the stage the un-
dergraduates present let paridemonium
loose in cheering him."
That wasn't barbarism" said the
Idiot. 'That was loyalty, than which
there is no more commendable quality
in the whole list of mans virtues. If
those boys had Kissed the old gentle
man off the stage it might have been
the act of a pack of barbarians, but
they didn't. They cheered him to the
echo.'
That's all right retorted the Law
yer. But how about poor Polonius ."
He should have been the happisst
man alive" said the Idiot. That's
how about him. What does an actor
strive and struggle for all through his
days, but for the plaudits of the null
titude? What more stimulating could
enter into the days work of the poor
hummer than the elevation of the roof