West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1904-01-28
THE RAMBLER.

THE RAMBLER.
The Political Situation Still Worry
ing Him.
Fears the People are Going Poli,i.
cally Insane.
Has Tried for the Office of Con-
stable IN Years Gone BY
Shakespeare Not the Only Man
Who Found All Men Liars.
Portland District Has Been Heard
From by Boss Flynn.
To Escape Them He Has Emigrated
to Logan County the Home of
Mingo Chief.
The Long-Legged Man Has the
Best Chance to Win in a Political
Race.
Meets His Old Friend Major Scott
FELTON, Who Will be Candidate
for Assessor.
What great pity it is that all of
us poor mortals cannot secure
public office. There is no question
but what all of us have a weakness
for public Office. Some great
scientist has said that all people are
affected by some form of in sanity.
The major portion of the male pop
ulation are affected with politica
insanity. 1t is their daily thoughts
and nightly dreams. They hope
against hope that the political light
ming may strike them and place
them in lucrative public Office.
/ plead guilty to the soft impeach-
ment myself. l announced myself
as a candidate for Constable on
several occasion, on the solicitation
of few friends who inflated me
with the idea that 1 could sweep the
district like cyclone, but some
how the district swept me out of
the contest with greater rapidity
than cyclone, since which time l
have contented myself with hollerng
for the other fellow. 1t is less ex-
pensive and affords me a greater
amount of amusement. The i'm
mortal Shakespeare said that "al.
men are liars" He must have
written this after he made the race
for public Office have heard like
expressions from defeated candi-
dateslawho never heard of Shakes
peare. But the fact that Shakes
peare and myself were defeated for
public Office will not deter other
men from running for Office.
The alarming news comes from
Portland District that the woods are
full of candidates. This is the
pleasant news which Boss Flynn re-
ceives daily by letter and telephone.
As they receive no response from
Boss Flynn they besiege Deacon
Brown to inform them if the good
Boss has been commissioned as
ambassador to the FIjaih Islands.
As the Deacon has his hands full
keeping the baby and Jeff Lips
comb out of mischief he commands
me to allay their fears and inform
them that the woods are not fenced
in and keep on running. This is
my reward for being the friend of
all political aspirants. My natural
feeling is to encourage all budding
and blooming statesmen who have
never read the Declaration of indie
pendence or the Constitution, a
crime of which I was guilty until
quit running for office. Father
Time, and the bumps a1d thumps I
received from my fellow citizens
when imagined ] was running for
Office made the necessary impress
sion upon my mind that cannot be
efaced by urgent request Of my
friends to announce myself for
another slaughter. But let me re-
peat however, that it is not my in
tentIon to discourge others would
caution them however to beware Of
that declaration which states that,
"All men arc born free and equal. {"
This is not true. Some men are
born with longer legs than others,
and in the race for Office the long
legged man wins. AS an evidence
of the truthfulness of philosophy !
have only to cite you to Judge Mes.
ssnger Name the man who has