davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Cook County herald., 1904-05-21

chestnut ST., Erie.
Pa, says: For two years I had kid
ney trouble and there was such a
severe pain through my loins and
limbs that could not stoop or
straighten up without great pain, had
difficulty in getting about and was
unable to- rest at night, arising in
the morning tired and worn out. The
kidney secretiens were irregular and
deposited heavy sediment. Doctors
treated me for rheumatism, but failed
to help me: lost all confidence in
medicine and began to- feel as if life
were not worth living Doau's Kidney
Pills, however; relieved me SO quickly
and so thoroughly that gladly made
statement to- that effect for publica-
tion. This was in 1898, and during the
six years which have elapsed / have
never known Doan's Kidney Pills to
fail. They cured my wife OF q severe
case of backache in the same thor
ough manner"
A FREE TRIAL of this great kid
ney medicine which cured Mr.. Bier
bach will be mailed on application to
any part of the United States. Ad-
dress Foster-Milburn Co., Buffalo, N.
Y. For sale by all druggists, price 50
cents per box.
The Cook County herald., 1904-05-21
ACTORS IDEA OF HAPPY DEATH
Mansfield Tells How One Thespian
Got Revenge on a Manager.

Mansfield Tells How One Thespian
Got Revenge on Manager.
Richard Mansfield was discussing
the subject of vengeance.
vengeance, as rule" he said,
should be left to the gods. I can't
help sympathizing, though, with the
vengeance that a stage villain took on
his manager last year in the West.
'The villain was supposed, at the
end of the fifth act, to plunge a knife
in his heart, and to die very hard,
rolling and kicking all over the stage.
when his cue came he did plunge
in the knife, but then, instead of dying
he lay down on the floor, crossed his
legs and burst into loud, long laugh.
ter, the dagger still sticking, mind
you, in his breast.
'The audience was amazed and stu.
pefed at such unreasonable conduct.
The actors on the stage could not go
on, for they were amazed and stupe.
fed, too. The manager nearly beside
himself, Kissed from the wings in a
loud whisper:
"*You fool, what are you laughing
at? This is your death scene.'
"'Death scene?' said the recumbent
villain. Yes, know it is, and with
such a salary as you give me, death
comes as happy release"
The Cook County herald., 1904-05-21
AS the Most Beautiful Lady !:
in Vista Co., Neb. !:

Anybody could vote this ticket as
many times as he had copies of it cut
from the paper. A new subscriber
was entitled to five votes out of hand.
The winning lady would be awarded
"an elegant gold watch and chain.'
.';"The balloting opened without much
spirit. At the end of the first week
the count stood:
Miss Marjorie Traylor.
Miss Katherine Ormsby. 6
Miss Maggie Hayward. 6
Miss Jessie Biggelowe. we..............1 i
That Marjorie Traylor led was no
surprise. The guess was general that
Katherine could keep up the pace.
AS to Miss Hayward, some were un-
kind enough to suspect that her pupils
would be constrained by policy to
throw their votes her way-just as
they took her the biggest red straw
berries. At the bottom of the list
the town smiled. The fair Jessie was
'not known; some country girl with
"A jealous lover, people surmised.
The editor cheered on the fray. vote
for the most beautiful lady. Cut out
ballot on page g." Subscribe for
the News and cast five votes for the
most beautiful lady in Vista county"
"a load of cobs will be taken at this
office on subscription" The editor
was as sure of this as ever. Every
page of the paper except the patent
insides confirmed the offer in black
type. But it looked as though the
farmers thought more of their cobs
than they did of their newspaper.
The second and third week the bal.
loting proceeded with no change in
the order of the favorites. The high
est now had 81 votes. Jessie Bigge-
lowe gained one vote each week. and
The Cook County herald., 1904-05-21
Jack read thenl Of. bringing m up the
reo-- with Miss IN Jessie 4 aBiggelowe5

a Jack read thenl on bringing up the
.re1.. with Miss Jessie D HBiggelowe3
eleven. 4 s55 4. .5 S$# Sss: II
Z. Tz,.E"U Il Umm- hum, assented the farmer
<blushing Ikea sugar-beet., .' Now il
you don't mind, jest cast a even hun.
died fer Miss Jessie AN guess she's
winner out, eh !5.s What's that, who
is she? Say, what's this here lection
fer, anyhow? She's first money, that's
who she is, gol-durn; an some day
if I don't make any mistake, she's.
lgoin' to be Mrs. Bill Slavin-gol-durn.
ed if she amt! Good-day to you"
The editor ran the fingers CT both
hands through his hair, walked over
and spit on the stove. Then he went
back to the table and wrote this head.
line in tremendous letters: EXTRA,
EXTRA! Then he shouted into the
hack room: kill that corn-cob notice
Jimmie!"
And that days paper as a sensation
maker, stands alone in the history of
Vista county journalism.
The Cook County herald., 1904-05-21
Butted in Again.

"Where have you been all this
timer asked Mr.. Makibrakes, shak-
ing him cordially by the hand.
Beer serving on a jury" replied
the other man.
"T can sympathize with you," said
Mr. Makinbrakes. 1t must have been
a good deal Of bore. Isn't it curious,
by the way, that they always seem to
want ignoramuses on jury nova
days? They never take anybody that
that, of course, mean as a general
thing, for they do once in while get
a man of intelligence-I'm not speak
ing of you, of course-I don't know
whether you get exactly what I'm driv-
ing at or not, but-but-the fact is, l
-I-that's mighty fine stickpin
you're wearing, old chap. Where did
you get it?'-Chicago Tribune.
The Cook County herald., 1904-05-21
AsS eiiaht d ], Care !.

.s58s .188 They were praising Plato for the
1fid city with which he had ecorded
for the conso olation and enlightenment
3of posterity the last words OF Socra.
tes. ss5 :s:# Ssl.$ " t9::$ N; t55:t# =
@5 We'll, no." said Plato, II have never
really disclosed them, but it can do no
harm now The last words he uttered
and he spoke them with the bitter.
est emotions of regret-were these:
After all, friends, 7 feel that my life
has been a failure! There is no brand
of scent cigars named after mel
However" added Plato, Frightening
up, "the version have given in the
school text books sounds better."-
Chicago Tribune.
The Cook County herald., 1904-05-21
EMPTY NOM.
How Ore Wonasn Quit Medicine.

How One Woman Quit Medicine.
White coffee user my stomach
troubled me for years." says a. lady of
Columbus, o., 'and had to take med
icine all the time: Ehad what thought
was the best stomach medicine I
could get, had to keep getting it filled
all the tince at 40 cents bottle. did
not know what the cause of my trou-
bic was but just dragged along from
day to day, suffering and taking medi-
cine all the Time
about six months ago I quit tea
and coffee and began drinking Postum
and F have not had my prescription
filed since, which is a great surprise
to me, for it proves that coffee was
the cause of all my trouble although
never suspected it.
''When my friends ask me how l
feel since I have been taking Postum
I say, To tell the truth I don't feel
at all only that get hungry and eat
everything want and lots of it and it
never hurts me and l am happy and
well and contented all the time
Il could not get my family to drink
Postum for while until mixed it in
little coffee and kept on reducing the
amount of coffee until got it all Pos
tum. Now they all like it and they
never belch it up like coffee.
eve all know that Postum, is a sun
shine maker. lind it helps one great
" for we do not have to think of aches
and pains all the time and can. use
our. minds for other things" Name
given by Postum Co., Battle Creek,
Mich y..,t ! ><
IA The one who has to bother with
coffee aches and pains is badly handi-
capped in the race for fame and for
tune. Postum IS wonderful rebuild
ii. here's q reason. HUI Ys#E. 1.
Look IN each package Tor the fam
sous little book The Road to Well.
The Cook County herald., 1904-05-21
Rule Of the Game.

They were playing a little social
game of poker in the parlor, the
young gentleman acting as instructor
to the ladies'.
1T is not your turn to bet now,
Miss Primleigh," he remarked; ''you
have the advantage of not having to
bet until the others have all said"
why SOP she inquired.
Because you have the age on u.s."
he responded.
She was his bitterest eremy from
that time on.-New Orleans times.
Democrat
The Cook County herald., 1904-05-21

"kili that corn-cob notice, Jimmie!"
joke, well, wonder if the News mans
got his cobs yet
At length the final week of the con-
test rolled around. Katherine led the
list with 88; Miss Hayward, 81 (the
school and Somerville stood by her
loyally); Marjorie, IS. All the betting
was on these three. It seemed plain
no one else would be in the race at
the finish. The last days saw much
quiet activity among. the young men
about town. Each exerted himself to
the utmost to throw the scale for his
favorite. Leftover copies of the News
went off like seats for a prize fight.
New subscriptions poured in, some
times two, three day. Editor Jack felt
so prosperous that he was almost
tempted to the reckless extravaganza
OF going out and paying cash for a
load of cobs. Winter was on in full
blast now and splitting goods boxes
Cor kindling disagreed with the edi-
torial humor. But he controlled him.
self, and only put double head on
scriptiOn!"
Saturday morning, the last day of
the contest, Jack sat at the editorial
table making the final count of the
ballots just before going to press. The
door of the sanctum opened slowly,
and burly countryman. with light
hair and very red face, stepped in
side.
''You the editor?", said he.
Eyes, sir, that's me-"
"Wcll, my names Slavin-Bill Sla-
vin-from fourteen miles 'tother side
the river. Used to live in town, be-
fore you come" His eye was on the
piles of ballots. Hear as how you
want some cobs on subscription" he
said.
Jack started up, but went on count
ing <'Ye-es," he said, with business
reserve, Il could use load-twenty-
seven, thirty-six, forty-one," the cobs
at last! they threw him clear out of
count.
Couldn't use more'n one load, l
reckon" said the countryman, shut
ling his feet.
Heavens, yes, twenty loads" cried
Jack, thinking what time he had had
Of getting any.
''Done!" says Slavin, on the instant.
Jack looked up wild-eyed. "Send me
the paper for twenty years." went on
the farmer, coolly. "Start deliver the
cobs Monday. How's the votin'!"
Jack began to see the light He fin
ished the count, read the votes of
the first three, Miss Hayward leading
with 80. -, +. 80.
a. ..'That there Hiss Heyward's the
schoolma' am, amt 1t? Il remember
her, fore your time. Jack recalled
the story he'd heard OF how Maggie
Hayward had thrashed q bully years
ago, and Slayin sounded like the
name
low bout the tai enders g said
lssSlarin, carele lessly.
The Cook County herald., 1904-05-21
Honest Wraqules.

"You look to me-" remarked the Sc
we're old gentleman, like a man who
would spend the last penny for beer!"
You do me an injustice" retorted
Weary Wraggles, "an' also show your.
self lacking in information, sir You
can't git no beer for penny would
play my last one inter de slot machine
in hopes of gittin' chip good fer a
whole glass of de fluid. See?'-Cin.
cinnati Times-Star.
The Cook County herald., 1904-05-21

Ask Your Dealer For Aliens Tooe-Ease,
A powder. 1t rests the feet. Cures Corns.
3unions. Swollen Sore, Hot Callous, Aching
Sweating Feet and Ingrowing Nails. Aliens
Foot Ease makes newoF tight shoes easy. At
all Druggists and Shoe stores. 25cents. Ac'
cept no substitute. Sample mailed FREE.
Address Allen S. Olmstedr Le Roy. N.Y.
The Cook County herald., 1904-05-21
DAN PA1CH;, 1861

Is the fastest harness horse in the world.
His driver NJ. E. McHenry one of the
greatest trainers. writes: ''spohn's Dis
temper Cure is wonderful in what is does
kept Dan Patch in racing form. I have
not seen its equal" What is good enough
for Dan Patch taas should do quite well for
Dozen of druggists, or sent express paid,
Nv srohr Medical: CO... Psychologists,
Goshen, Ind.
The Cook County herald., 1904-05-21
THE MOST BEAUTIFUL LADY
couldn't win now if all the other nag.
by GEORGE DEARDSLEY,
Copyright, 1901 By Daily Story Publishing Compan,

couldn't win now if all the other nags
were pulled"
"Cut out the ballot and keep the
ball rolling" sang the editor. "Three
weeks more tell the tale Pay your
subscription and vote for your favor
ite! Step up to the News office and
vote like a man." Meanwhile, for
him-Prosperity. He had beefsteak
every day for dinner. And after din
ner he smoked a cigar-seemed like
Sunday the week around. But still
the desire. of his heart was cobs.
Readers at a distance used to open
the paper with the standing family
The Cook County herald., 1904-05-21
For 81.65 Money Order.

The John A. Salzer Seed Co.. Eo
Crosse, Wis, mail postpaid Is trees.
consisting of Apricots, Apples, Grabs,
Cherries, Plums, Peaches and Pears,
just the thing for city or country
garden, including the great Bismark
Apple, all hardy Wisconsin stock. are
sent you free upon receipt of $1.65.
AND FOR 16c AND THIS NOTICE.
you get sufficient seed of Celery, Car
rot, Cabbage, Onion, Lettuce, Radish
and Flower Seeds to furnish bushels
of choice flowers and lots Of vegeta bles
for big family, together with our
great plant and seed catalog. wv, N. U.l
The Cook County herald., 1904-05-21
HoW's ThiS? il?

We Offer One Hundred Dollars Reward for sn1
case Of Catarrh that cannot be cured by HAYS
Catarrh Cure.
F. j. CHENEY & CO., Toledo, O.
We, the undersigned, have known F. J. Cheney
for the last Is years, and believe him perfectly hon
orable in all business transactions and financially
able to carry out any obligations made by his firm.
WALD1Na, K1NNAN & MARVIN,
Wholesale Druggists, Toledo. O.
Halls Catarrh Cure Is taken Internally, acting
directly upon the blood and mucous surfaces Of the
system. Testimonials free. Price IS cents PEI
bottle. Sold by all Druggists.
Take Halls Family Pills for constipation.
The Cook County herald., 1904-05-21
PATENTS.

List Of Patents Issued Last Week to
Northwestern Inventors.
Charles F. Blackketter, Minneapo
lis, Mimi, wind engine; William
Brown, St. Paul, Mimi, shock squeez
ing device; John Bryant, Minneapolis,
Mimi, window weight; Christine Fly
gare, Minneapolis, Mimi, baking ap-
paratus; Thorgis Halldorson, Noun
tain, N. D., motor sled; Nels Grants
Larsen, St. Paul, Mimi, fire escape.
Lothrop & Johnson. patent lawyers, 911
and 912 Pioneer Press Bldg, St. Paul
The Cook County herald., 1904-05-21
Something Needed.

eve are about to put new piano
on the market that we are sure VII,
fiji long-felt want" said the manufac-
turer
What will you call it,"
eve shall call it the Cozy Flat Pi-
ano."
"Why?"
"Becau~f> it's about twice as high as
an ordinary piano, but only about half
it's thickness; just right for a, cozy
fiat" Chicago Post.
The Cook County herald., 1904-05-21
Not on the Mouth.

Nell-He has been very attentive
to me and last night he tried to kiss
me.
Belle-Well, it's all right to be at.
tentive, but that was OVERRIDING it,.
Nell-Oh, no; he underdid it. He
only succeeded in kissing me on the
chin.
The Cook County herald., 1904-05-21
REACH + HE SPOT.

d d. To cure IN acn-s
ing back, +. ....s 85:.5 =.5.3...
h The p paing Of
rheumatism. .s. I.
The tir 9 d out
feelings, ..s.... 4.
You must reach
the spot get at
the cause. 7
In most cases 'tis
the kidneys.
Doa ms Kidney
Pills are for the
kidneys. j..
Chas. Bierbach,
S t on e contractor,
l ing at 625
The Cook County herald., 1904-05-21

Poultry yards devoid of vegetation
have been common in the past, but
more attention Is. now being paid to
this matter. Our more progressive
farmers are now growing green food
q the parks Tor the use of the poul-
!. ..ry w.aen they ars shut up in sun.
mer. {82 h H
The Cook County herald., 1904-05-21

Mother Gray's Sweet Powders FOR Ghsldrsn.
Successfully used by Mother Gray, nurse
In lhe Children s Home in New York cura
Constipation, Feverishness, Bad Stomach.
Teething Disorders, move and regulate tho
Bowels and Destroy Worms. Over 80, 600
testimonials. At all druggists, Csc. Sample
FREE. Address AS. Olmsted. LIE Roy.N.Y
The Cook County herald., 1904-05-21
Brave Answer.

John Henry, why did you go to
bed with your clothes on last night? o.
asked Mrs. Gibbins.
Because it was co1d,' bravely
answered John Henry, who couldn't
remember anything at all about hav-
ing gone to bed, but who was quick
witted.-Buffalo Express.
The Cook County herald., 1904-05-21
Two Pictures.

An old farmhouse with meadows wide
And sweet with clover on each side:
A bright-eyed boy, who looks from out
The door with woodbine wreathed about
And wishes his one thought all day:
"Oh! if I could but fly away
From this dull spot the world to see.
How happy, happy happy,
How happy I should be-
III.
Amid the city's constant din,
A man who round the world has been,
Who, mid the tumult and the throng
Is thinking, thinking all day long:
'Oh! could I only tread once more
The field path to the farmhouse door.
The old, green meadow could I see,
How happy. happy, happy,
How happy I should be-"
-Universalist Leader.
The Cook County herald., 1904-05-21
Nav ADOPT Metric System.

A petition in support of the bill for
the adoption Of the metric weights
and measures, which will be introduc-
ed in the House OF Lords by Lord Bel
haven and seconded by Lord Kelvin,
is being extensively signed through.
out the British kingdom. .s
The Cook County herald., 1904-05-21

Piso's Cure cannot be too highly spoken Of 40
cough cure.-J. W. O'BR1EN, 322 Third Ave-,
NJ, Minneapolis. Mimi. Jan. 6. 1900
The Cook County herald., 1904-05-21

Not to Be Fooled.
Teacher-Johnny, what is adaunant ::
Johnny-You can't fool me. Adam
never had no aunt-Comfort.
The Cook County herald., 1904-05-21
Popular Bostonian.

Horner-You saw Melcher, did YOU?
Well, did he tell you any lies?
Skinner-What are you driving at?
He was saying
Horner-Oh, then he did lie to YOU!
The Cook County herald., 1904-05-21
@<vote for the most beautiful lady,"


Platteville's smile broadened to a
merry ha! ha! The wag, Ernest Som
"erville tried to bribe the editor to tell
him who was voting for the mysteri-
>ous Jessie. But Editor Jack declared
he didn't know; the ballot came
through the mails.
Meanwhile the editor called for
cobs, "A load Of cobs on subscription"
At the end of nine weeks the ballot
4Eg stood as follows: Miss Hayward,
~; Miss 0rmsby, q; Miss Traylor,
-: Miss Alice Bracken, 40; !. Miss
'Biegelowe. ?. Jessie, the unknown
held her pace. but, as Ernest somer.
ssille complacent over 81 the school
ssksehsr's dne lead I'd sai |, s Jessie
The Cook County herald., 1904-05-21

He who works for the human race
has good show in the heavenly race.
The Cook County herald., 1904-05-21

Whether an action is a favor or
compliment depends upon who makes
the request for service.
The Cook County herald., 1904-05-21

The fact that you have done. your
best is no guarantee that what you
have done is, right.
The Cook County herald., 1904-05-21

He who gives the world the most
always finds he owes it most. ...5
The Cook County herald., 1904-05-21

The less there is required of a man,
the harder it is to get him to do, it
satisfactorily.
The Cook County herald., 1904-05-21

Our desire Is to make others good:
our duty is to make them happy.
The Cook County herald., 1904-05-21

Wfggle.Stick LAUNDRY BLUE
Won't spill, break, freeze nor spot clothes,
Costs 10 cents and equals 90 cents worth OF
any other bluing. If your grocer does not
keep it send 10c for sample to The Laundry
Blue Co., IA Michigan Street, Chicago.
The Cook County herald., 1904-05-21

A little touch of sympathy and. piay
is the anchor that saves many a, life
form drifting upon the reefs.
The Cook County herald., 1904-05-21

49, To Cure a Cold in One day.
druggistsr refund money il it. fails toe cure. CSC,
The Cook County herald., 1904-05-21

One fall when there was no political
campaign in Nebraska-long before
Nebraska went into politics-the edi-
tor of the Plattevile Weekly News
tried to liVen things up for himself
and the people by holding a beauty
election. "Who is the most beautiful
lady in Vista county?" was his edi-
torial and local leader every week for
three months. He also sandwiched
the question between the Pill Ad. and
his own persevering announcement
that a load Of cobs would be taken
at his office on subscription. Every
issue of the News from September l
to November 80 contained a copy OF
the following ballot:
-.......
Platteville Weekly News.
MOST BEAUTIFUL LADY
CONTEST.
One Vote For ::
AS the Most Beautiful Lady
in Vista Co., Neb.
The Cook County herald., 1904-05-21

The devil would haye no. dures if ha
had no decoys. ..ss s.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1904-03-25
BISHOP BROWN TALKs.
Says He Spoke the Truth as He Saw
 r.


 It.
 Little Rock. Ark, March u.-Bishop William Nj. Brown of the Episcopal bio. cese of Arkansas, whose utterances in the East upon the subject of the Amer tcan Negro Problem" aroused much crit lcism, has returned to this city. In an interview today he said:
 The utterances which raised the storm were in the form of carefully prepared written lecture. the delivery of which re- quired an hour and a half. In sadness of heart l spoke what I believed to be the truth. with good will toward ali and malice toward none. The majority of inc people of the South feel very much as I do about the things and a very respecta- bla minority at the North quite fully agree with uS
 So far as my Intentions are concerned l mean to be ss good a friend to the southern negro as he has. I am expect ing to attend a conference of educators and phi.anthropists to be held in Mont gomery, Ala. in April In July the Southern bishops are to have a confer ence at Sewanee, Tenn, at which the a,- peal of the Colored Association of Church Workers for bishops of their own. mat ters relating to the work of the Episco- pal church, among negroes. will be fully considered
 ''I am in favor of and expect to vote for the granting of the appeal, providing 1t can be done without involving d breach of ecclesiastical unity. have felt it to be my duty to tell the truth as under stand 1t about the negro, but think that before another year has passed the col ored clergy and the people of the Eris- copal church will recognize the fact that my pessimism does not amount to en- mity."
The Montgomery advertiser., 1904-03-25
LOUISIANA PURCHASE STAMPS.
Description of the Issues to Be
 Made.

Washington. March 24.-The Postonice Department announced today that a special series of stamps in five denomi- nations, to commemorate the Louisiana Purchase of 1903 and to be known as the commemorative series of 1904, will be issued beginning April 2. for sale to the public during the term of the exposition, from April 30 to December 1, 1904.
 A supply of the regular issue of stamps also will be kept in stock by all post offices during this period. The commence rative stamps will be as follows: One cent, green. with portrait of Robert R. Livingstone. United States Minister to France. who conducted the Louisiana purchase negotiations; 2 cent, red, DOT trait of Thomas Jefferson. President of the United States at tho time of the pur- chase; cent, purple. portrait of James Monroe, special ambassador to France, who, with Livingston, closed the nego- tiations for the purchase; cent, blue, portrait of William Mckinley, who, as President, approved the act of Congress officially connecting the United States Government with the exposition and 10 cent, brown. bearing a United States may showing the territory of the pur- chase.
 These stamps will not be issued in book form. There will be no commemorative issue of stamped envelopes. newspaper wrappers postal cards. special delivery or postage due stamps.