The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1904-06-29
THE NONPAREIL MAN
The New Rule at West Point Against AS
signing Fat Graduates to the Cavalry
Arm OF the observation-disclosures Of
Fatty In Times at Stress harae Of the,
Fat BRIGADE,

There is a new rule at West Point. Fat
graduates will not be assigned to the cav
airy This change was brought about by
INSPECTOR General Burton, who, In a recent
report, called attention to the fact that
not an inconsiderable number Of cavalry
officers are incapacitated !. for efficient
services by three causes-timidity In the
rnanag enent Of the horse, lack Of love or
admiration for the horse, and overweight.
Excessive weight, says General Burton, Is
ruinous to horse, is cumbersome to a
rider and weakens the endurance Of the
Individual.
This is very true. A fat cavalry officer
In a charge is about as much out Of place
as a SNOWFALL in the soup. Instead Of
swearing horrible" and making head
long dash for the enemy, one cayalryman
In the moment of stress says to his COM
panion: ts
Look at Fatty there
Then they both look at the fat officer
red faced and terribly jolted by the
charge, bouncing up and down In his sad
die and bowling the horse down in the
middle till the charger Is bowlegged in his
spine from the excessive weight, and the
two cavalrymen laugh so hard that they
fall off their horses. This interferes with
their effectiveness In the face Of an enemy.
OF course others notice Fatty's predica-
ment and one nudges his 'neighbor with
the htlt Of his saber and says:
Il bet Fatty wishes he. was sitting down
! to dinner instead of here,
| Then they laugh so hard that they near
! ly fall out Of their saddles.
OF course all this demoralizes the cav
airy arm Of the service and prevents eff
| fective work in the face Of the enemy.
! When there is a good dinner laid, there
Is where Fatty shines as cavalryman, OF
in sitting comfortably on screened and
| shaded veranda with cigar in his face
%i~.,, 80 <st. -
| rO1c elements come to the surface and he
renders his country great and notable
l service. But in the saddle Fatty is a BIT
de trop, If may so speak,
There Is one condition which Inspector
General Burton seems to have overlooked
where 1t is conceivable that Fatty might
be OF value in the cavalry. When the
enemy is captured he might perform eff:
4 ficlent service by sitting on his PROSTATE
body until the infantry came up to con
n duct him to the rear.
i Again, I can see no reason why {
squadron Of cavalry composed entirely o.
fat men should not be a terrifying ant
awe-inspiring sight to an enemy. In1ag
Inc a company Of, say, 1000 fat cavalry.
men, putting and blowing, mounted or
stout Percheron horses bearing down or
you! Would any infantry on earth avail
the shock of the encounter? We doub
1t. If Fatty fell on them It would be in
slant humiliation or complete disable
ment. The enemy would soon have pro
verb, Beware of the charge Of the Fa
Brigade"
The proper effectiveness of the fat arm
: Of the service might well be celebrated b.
some future laureate:
i When shall their glory fade?
o, the wild charge they made
While the world wondered
Forward, the fat brigade,
Charge for the food he said,
!, Into the dining room
Dashed the fat hundred.
Was there man dismayed?
. No, tho the walters knew
Some one had blundered!
Theirs not to reason why,
:" Theirs but to serve and die!
Into the dining room
Charged the fat hundred.