New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1904-05-29
JOYS OF SUBURBANITEE
Ad11ce as to FIo5cers and No. :
quitoes Volunteered.

sunny skies bring many varieties of advfcs
10 the new su0Urbanite flowers or mosquitoes
AIter the city man has wCathered his first winter.
IN New-Jersey and regards himself as we'll pre-
pared by his bouts with the furnace for the lob
or stoker on a transatlantic steamship be well
comes the first tokens OF sprins as did Noah the
olive branch which the dove brought back AS
soon as the weather is warm enough permit an
open window without chorus Of sneezes. he rushes
outdoors with shovel and package OF flower
seeds In his minds eye he pictures his cottage
empowered in vines and roses. and his garden bud
ding with all the choice vegetables for which he
paid so dearly when Twins in town fiat. He
starts 10 dig and to plant. and he exults in his
visions Of the harvest.
1t is not long however. before some old man
VIII pause at the gate. cough and shuttle his feet
TO attract attention and then. winning nod OF
recognition, exclaim
Why. my dear young man. YOU don't be plant
Ing sweetpeas there, do YOU? Why, I've lived in
these parts nigh on fifty year. and ! never knew
on planting sweetpeas where the can't shine
onto EN-. They'll never grow there. never. Put
EN- over here. on the south side of the fence"
And should the commuter take this old
mans advice and transplant his seeds TO the other
side OF the garden. he is Just likely TO have
another venerable neighbor interrupt him with the
advice that sweetpeas need the shade and will
wither in too hot place.
Indeed, if the new suburbanite tries 10 satisfy
all those who interested in his welfare. hs
finds himself in pitiful predicament
and the He will only plant his Gamma bulba
one day pull them the next He will pruns
his rose bushes so many different ways that as
last he will lave nothing left but the roots.
Another theme concerning which tina tyro coun-
tryman is pestered continuously by his veteran
friends is the mosquito problem No sooner Ia he
detected putting in his screens than some aged
citizen accOsts him by saying:
Wall. see you're gettin' ready for EN-. But
you won't have trouble with the skeotars out
here. To begin with. there amt many OF en- and
those that is don't bother you IL you smoke Q
pipe. That's my remedy; an it's good ons. An
as for the folk Just let EN- como near
you and the pipe as they can That's my remedy.
an It's good one.
When the mosquitoes do come. when they rooss
the screens tnickly that they darken the
like eclipse, and pour In Like clouds OF smoke
every time the doors open or shut. and sing their
war songs triumphantly after they have trans-
formed the bedspread Into a battlefield. and Keep
growing In size until the Door novttiats begins to
think they are not mosquitoes at all. but tnfane
cormorants> the same old codgsr comes around who
said the mosquitoes never bothered him and tnpu~
IDENTIFY repeats the statement
The more discomfort Mr.. Newcomer shows az thu
attacks Of the mosquitoes the more delight he
affords the older Inhabitants They will syly h1nc
that he Is too fun blooded that hts child Is
tempting a morsel. and they will always end up
by saying that they never have any trouble from
the pests. They will tell him of many curious
recipes and antidotes. such as smearing his faca
with whale oil soap. or sleeping lace down with
hts head under the pillow and then always ADD