West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1904-06-09
Expects to Visit Him Later on
When He Thaws Out.

cause Of my dreadful insomnia
the pie.hunters and the grafters.
1 have not had peaceful nap since
the campaign opened. am fond
OF mapping, and on several occa-
sicns, [ have caught some of the
pie-hunters mapping. About fifty
of them were caught mapping dur
ing the last political skirmish in
Preston. l have no evidence that
any of them will recover from their
mapping, except Leader Shaw.
The Leader, with prophetic vision,
twenty-five years ago, saw an ex-
cellent opening for perpetual can
didate and got patent on it. The
rest will, l fear, disappear in the
red brush from whence they come.
This will relieve the county from
future funeral expenses.
/ am overwhelmed by letters
from the dead pie-hunters to call
and pay my last respects to the de-
parted. l am compelled to do this
or lose my position with The Argus.
Deacon Brown, who is running the
machine, threatens to FIRE me and
foreclose the mortage on my farm
If do not visit those who are gasp
ing the last gasp and record their
message to the people. AS a re-
corder of the messages from the
spirit land l have no equal. / have
associated with spirits for the last
forty years and handle the spirits
during political campaigns. 1t has
made an expansionst out of me and
have expanded foot or more
around the girth. l still believe in
expansion If the spirit handlers pay
for it.
l dropped around to see my old
comrade Judge Ed Messenger ON
last Tuesday evening. The Judge
being the longest candidate in the
political race it took him longer tc
die, but when he did die he wa.
dead. The Judge and myself are ole
friends who started our first cam.
paign in the sixties. When Uncle
Sam called for men with brave
hearts and long wind the Judge and
l passed the inspection and medi
cal examination. We were inspired
to go forth and battle for the honor
of our country in the hope that W,
would return home as heroes. Tn,
thought was brilliantly illuminated
with fleeing Johnnies before GU
desperate charge upon the enemy
The first and only charge we mad,
upon the enemy is still fresh in nj
memory, They stubbornly anC
very ungentIemanly refused to fee
After exhausting every tactic know
to warfare the Judge add held
hurried consultation and decide,
that il the enemy refused to Ae,
after due warning there was nothin,
to prevent US from running. w,
had performed our share of the con
tract with Uncle Sam and he couI,
cast no sspersions upon our Drawer
If We ran. We hold the world
record on this run. This is wha
Inspired the Judge to announc,
himself as a political runnist. Tn,
Judge has made many brilliant run
for political honors since that da,
and has always carried off IN,
laurels, until some one persuade,
Bill +. Menesr to chase him aroun,
the sawdust npg as = joke. But W,
must let the Judge tell in his ow,
language how he lost the race. A
a reminiscentist be has few equal
and no superior. As a windist
challenge his title to champion
Deacon Brown ayers that I am IN.
longest man on wind that has bee,
blown into The Argus Building.
consider the Deacon an autborit,
on this subject and shall not argul
the case.
There are times IN the eventfu
I life Of pie hunters when they nee,
consolation" ] began, as the Tudq
moiioned me 20 occupy the old arm
chair ~ have rambled in toda,
20 console you, my honored com
rade, who has been so unfortunate
in lodging the ballots in your re
cent conflict. II grow sympa
thetie il is due 70 the fact that an
county rosdist who will sune
most At your political death. Al
other roads are closed to me as
rambie from place 70 place. II n,
mud holes and the rough places ar,
left IN my pathway, by the unwis,
selection Of road supervisors, tha
means untold torture 10 my corn,