davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-01-20
The Farmer.

An 11-year-old boy attending school at
Walthamstow, England, who was set to
write an essay on 1.-The farmer evolved
the following logical and convincing com
postion
"A farmer has hard work to do.
IF he has his farm too near the town
he finds some boys in his orchard steal
ing his apples and pears. All he can dc
is to put his dog in the orchard after the
boys have climbed the trees.
This is but a poor way Of stopping
them, as the dog can only catch one boy
Moreover, if it is a bulldog the farmer
is likely to lose it, for it sticks to the
trousers Of the boy it catches, while the
boy walks away with the dog clinging tc
his leg.
again, if the bull comes into the or
chard, the dog and bull will fight to-
gether, while the boys escape"
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-01-20
Paradoxical.

He boosted that he baphed each day
Throughout the year, In naughty way;
He'd never tasted rum. he said,
Or longed ere this he had been dead.
Then, he retired at 8 each night
And rose as soon as it was light.
His glorious life, with noisome din,
Good gracious, how he rubbed It IN!
While mothers to their sons with vim
Said, Try your best to be IKE him.
This problem, though, is rather sim.
at thirtytwoshe went off, bsf!
The other was rounder, who
High balled until the rooSters crew
And snatched an hours repose, and then
Commenced to liQuefy again.
He played the races, handled CHIPS, 49,
With naughty words upon his lips,
And with a war whoop oft did say
That this existence was .. r.
So self -respectors, with a stare
And virtuous noses III the, air.
Cut him. disgusted by. such Tricks
But still he lived till eighty-six
New York Herald.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-01-20
Eff. Cannon Drew the Line.

Joe Cannon, speaker of the House OF
Representatives, is shy of talking too
freely for newspaper interviews.
We'll. MIR. Speaker" insisted one cor
respondent. II am going to wire tonight
that your course IN the matter will be-
But here the Illinois statesman inter
rupted.
My boy" he said, as he twined his
arms around the newspaper mans neck
and looked him full in the eye-'my boy,
| don't mind saying things occasionally,
but / draw the line on having to edit
what you y."-Collier's Weekly.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-01-20
WORRY.
4 Sure Starter for III Hentth.

Sure Starter for III Health.
Useless worrying "a form OF ner-
vousness) is indirectly the result
Through the nerves, Of improper feed
Ing A furniture man of Memphis
says:
About year ago I was afflicted
with nervous spells. would worry SO
over trivial things.
Il went to consult one of the best
physicians in Memphis and he asked
among many questions IL l drank eof-
fee.
His advice was: Go to some pro-
vision store and get a box Of Postum,
drink it in place Of coffee and as you
are confined to your desk to great
extent try and get out in the open air
as much as possible followed his ia
structions regarding the Postum.
AT that time my weight was 142
and [ was taking all kinds of drugs
and medicines to brace me up, but all
failed; to-day / weigh 165 and all OF
my old troubles are gone, and all the
credit Is due to having followed this
wise physicians advice and cut of the
coffee and using Postum in its place.
Il now consider my health perfect.
] an, willing to go before notary pub
lie and testify that it was all due to
my having used Postum in place OF
coffee" Name given by Postum Co..
Battle Creek, Mich.
There's reason for quitting the
drug-drink coffee, and there's rea son
for drinking Postum. Trial 10 days
proves them ALL
Look in each package for copy OF
the famous little book, 1.-The Road to
Wellyille."
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-01-20
A Genuine Eair Grower.

A doctor-chemist in the Altenhein
Medical Dispensary, 117O Foso build
ing, Cincinnati. Ohio. has discovered
what proves to be positive hair grow
err This will be welcome news to the
thousands afflicted with ba ia heads as
we'll as those whose hair is scanty anC
falling out. The announcement Of the
dcctor-chenlist in another column OF
this paper explains more fully what
this new discovery for the hair can do
A trial package can be had free by en-
closing 2-cent stamp to Altenhein
Medical Dispensary. 1110 Foso build
ing, Cincinnati. Ohio.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-01-20
Her Cigars.

My dear. said he, ''I'N just take those
cigars te the office. Its customary, you
know, 70 have a box handy in ones Of
Tee
That morning he sent the box of Extras
down@to his friend Jones, with his ,compli-
ments, and be chuckled at the Joke ne was
playing CD Jones.
When be met Jones in the elevator he
WAS persuaded TO have one Of his own
cigars, which Jones said We're sail right. -
He accepted one and to his dismay found
they were ''ali right
That evening, when he arrived at home.
he said to his wife, My dear, smoked
one IF those cigars you gave me and liked
it very much. How did you happen to
pick out such good onesE''
We'll, III tell you. You made such a
fuss about your birthday box that I got
the young man next door Co buy this box
fer me-"
"Oh-h-h,'' said the dear husband, and
he lnnttered TO himself, Just Ike wom-
an. bless her, always so contrary to ex-
pectatioDs. ''-Buffdfo Times.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-01-20
SUBMARINE ASPHALT BED.
United States Dredger Finds Good Sam.
pies Near Galveston.

A stratum Of asphaltum has been dis
covered by the United States dredge boat
Gen. Comstock while dredging on the bar
off the mouth of the jetties at Galveston.
1t is twenty-eight feet below the surface
It's width and depth have not been de-
fined. Specimens brought to shat city
are smooth, hard brittle and black,
breaking with a polish. 1t melts easily
when heated and burns without leaving
any ashes. 1t has little taste, scarcely
any smell unless heated, when it emits
strong smell Of pitch. 1t possesses all the
qualities Of high-grade asphaltum. This
discovery confirmed the belief of all who
are familiar with the geological condi-
tons that vast bed Of asphaltum under
lies the coast between here and Sabine
Pass
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-01-20
Responded to His Cue.

Lawrence D'Orsay has a reputation
for Observation-Disclosures. That it is de-
served was proved the other day on an
elevated train. The actsr was riding
down town on his way to appear in Il
matinee performance. AS he was gaz-
ing abstractedly out Of the window two
young women, sitting across the car,
kept up a lively flow of conversation
And have you heard from Sarah ~
asked one of them.
D'Orsay, recalling in the midst of his
day dream that one of his cues in THE
Earl of Pawtucket" was And have you
heard from Sarrah?' Strengthened up in
his seat and said:
''Aw, yes; l have telegram from
Sarah. Sarah's bettah.'
Whereat the other passengers, espe-
cially the two young women, stared at
him curiously. = Philadelphia Public
Ledger.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-01-20
All Done Out.

y oteraI joshua
Heller OF 706 South
Walnut street, Ur-
bana, H., says: In
the fall of 1899 af-
ter taking Doan's
Kidney Pills, I told
the readers Of the
paper that they
had relieved me Of
kidney trouble. dis
posed of a lame
back with p a IN
across my loins
and beneath t h e
shoulder b | & q e S.
During the inter-
val w h / g h h p a
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-01-20
A Tell-Tale Shawl.

TN never forget" said Representative
hvle Of Ohio, ''how learned that Santa
Clans is myth. 1t was during war
times. We were told Santa Claus would
be around. but that he would bring us
something useful instead of toys.
My father was at the front He had
left behind shawl he used to wear in
stead Of an overcoat, and mother made
It into Il suit Of clothes for me- / was
mighty glad to get the clothes. but [
couldn't figure out how Santa Claus got
bold Of fathers shawl, and ! quit believ-
ing IN him right then and there. New
York World.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-01-20
cold Putt in Ohio.

Putnam was about to descend lato the
VOLTS den.
Let me down easy. boys" he said to
the husky farmers who held the rope.
This rs goin' TO make you famous in
histry, KY remarked the lanky Tod
Slocyan-
Putnam looked around
OF course I'm doin' this for glory.
boys
''Of course
AT the same time, if I kin the critter
We'll all go over 60 Petrbone's tavern
an share the 81 bonus that's offered for
wolf scalps."
And with a wild cheer ringing in his
ears the intrepid fellow crawled into the
den.-Cleveland Plain Dealer
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-01-20
CROW STOLE HER WATCH.
Tin1epiece Missing Year Discovered in
Nest Up Tree.

In curious manner a small gold
watch, which disappeared year ago
from the possession of Miss Kate Slower,
daughter Of John Slower, farmer near
York, Pa, has just been recovered Mr.
Slower recently cut down q pine tree near
his house. In the fork of one Of the
limbs Of the tree was al abandoned
crows nest, and in the bottom Of the nest
the missing timepiece was found.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-01-20
Breaking 1t Gently.

His Cousins-We sent off the wire to
stop your model coming. But you had
put one word too many-so we struck it
out.
Real Artist-Oh, indeed. What word
did you strike out?
His Cousins-You had written he
wasn't to come, as you had only just
discovered you couldn't paint today" So
we crossed out to-day. Punch.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-01-20
Peanut Candy as Food.

Prof Eilgard Of the University of
California recommends peanut candy as
a healthfuf substitute for q meal when
it is necessary TO omit one. The starch
Dc the peanut and the sugar ia the candy
are both blood and tissue builders, and
are exceedingly noyrishing and at the
same time harmless when obtained at a
reputa BILE candy store.-Country Life in
America.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-01-20

elapsed l have had occasion to resort
to Doan's Kidney Pills when l noticed
warnings of attack. On each and every
occasion the results obtained were Just
as satisfactory as when the pills We're
first brought to my notice | lust as
emphat1cally endorse the preparation
to-day as did over two years ago"
Foster-Milburn Co.. Buffalo. n Y,
proprietors. For sale by all druggists.
Price SO cents per box.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-01-20
George Hoar Said Grace

Among the early religious experiences
of Senator Hoar, who had Puritan up
bringing, was being required to say grace
at table. On one occasion the youthful
sinner had merited the displeasure of his
parents and received fitting rebuke
His turn to say -'grace" came at the fol-
Rowing meal and, piously bowling his
head. he began his grace" by quoting:
Thou preparest a table before us in
the presence of our enemies. New York
Times
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-01-20
For Disinfectinq the Room

A French apparatus for disinfectins
rooms consists of bottle holding solution
Of fornaaldehyde, which is heated by q
spirit lamp. The xapor passes along a
flexible tube through the keyhole into the
room.-London Globe
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-01-20
A Mean Sian.

Miss Oldum (Coyly)-When he pro-
posed | kept him in suspense for at least
ten minutes.
Miss Sharp-Oh, | guess not! 1 sup
pose it merely seemed that long to YOU
Philadelphia Ledger.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-01-20
A County Barter.

From one Of the smaller cottages at
the end of the street came a barefooted
child III colorless calico dress and slat
sunbonnet. With thetimportant air of a
heavy buyer, she entered the village store
and handed across the counter a blue
teacup. The proprietor took the teacup
and said in brisk tones:
We'll. Emmy, what does your ma
want tOday?"
Please. sir, ma wants an eggs worth
Of molasses," and she carefully placed a
large white egg on the counter.
The storekeeper poured out little mo-
lasses into the cup from stone jug and
set the cup before his customer
MIR. Smith," she said, as she took the
purchase, ''Tll be back in little while
black hen was on. twentieth Century
Farmer
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-01-20
The Winning Hand.

The euchre party was 4 bore
Twas all that | could stand
For half a dozen rounds, or more,
never held j hand.
But when, upon our homewaPd way,
We two were blitheiy whirled,
/ neid o hand Id gladly play
Against the whole wide world.
Cincinnati Commercial Tribune
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-01-20
The Karem Wanted Sardines

II The Sultan OF Morocco. Muley Abd-el-
Aziz, loses his throne. it perhaps might
be due 70 the discomfort Of his subjects
in seeing him adopt SO precipitately Eu-
ropean manners and habits. The Sultan
disregards this danger. however. and
when he wap.s a, thing European he
nl:lsI have il Mt once.
One night there was a great noise in
front Of The residence OK an Englfshman
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-01-20
Untimely.

Hewes-Don't Ike this cold weather.
Ell: Why, only last summer you were
compla ming of the heat.
Barnes-9Not Of the heat itself, but
rather because OF its untimelinesS It
would be al right If reserved for such
weather as .this.-Boston Transcript
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-01-20
A Surprla.

Mrs. Youngbub-Oh. Freddy, l have
such Il surprise for you.
YouDghub-Have you, love?
Mrs. Younghub-Yes. dear. See this
sweet little dog bought for ls--only g5,
and the dog seller warranted him to be
pure n1engrel.-London TIT Bits.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-01-20
Puzzled Enqlishman.

81 note" said the Englishman who was
getting ready to write Impressions Of
America and Her People,
''Well?'' asked his American friend
'.I note, donchewknow, that different
names are applied, to the same article OF
diet in varioms places, donchewRpsw.'
For instancea''
"In SOME places they cali for arr and
heggs,' and iii Others they ask for 'hegg
an 'og. baltimore American.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-01-20
logging His Mesnnry

Weste BALTIMORE see ia tolay's pa
pers that the Pope sat behind Il large
grating
Rolande Parke-Oh, thank wou, thank
you! That reminds me. My wife told
noe 20 bring some nutmegs henne.-Balti-
more News
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-01-20
The Way of It.

The doctors are a costly set,
However that may be-
We take our choice of !. o. L.
Or else OF f. l. L.
-Harper'S Bazaar.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-01-20
All Peqged.

If : men are. the salt Of the earth,
women are undoubtedly the sugar. Salt
is necessity, sugar a luxury. Vicious
men are saltpeter; stern men are rock
salt; nice men are ia BILE salt. Old maids
are brown sugar. good-natured matrons
are loaf sugar, and pretty girls are the
fine pulverized sugar. Pass the pulver-
lied sugar, please.-Refugio Uex.) Re
view
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-01-20

Two bottles of Piso's Cure for Con
sumption cured me of a terrible cough
Fred Hermann, 200 Box avenue, Buffalo
\. T., Sept. "a. 1901.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-01-20

1t is estimated by the treasury &C.
partment that the exports of the United
States for the current year will reach the
great total of ST JOs0 900 600
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-01-20
Wonderful,

Il often wonder il my husband loves
me in the same old way
Does he act as if he didE''
Yes
Then it's no wonder you WONDER
Judge.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-01-20

MRS. WINSLOW'S SOOTHING SYRUP "a
Children teething: softens the gums, reduces tn
ELIMINATION. allays pain. cures wind collie. e
cents q bottle,
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-01-20
Necessary in His Business.

BHIger-The ostrich is a queer bird.
He sticks his head ia the sand, and
thinks nobody can see him.
Wilmot-But he shows that it is impos
sible to get along in this world without
sand.-Boston Transcript.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-01-20

Orders have recently been executed
in Japan for a supply of fishing neIs
for Alaska valued at $4,000.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-01-20

Sam Gander was over buying furniture
at Faulkner's. Looks little suspicious.
All! STANDARDIZATION (Ore.) News.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-01-20

'Tisn't very far bow to the New Year
resolution, but the old colonies will fol
low the scripturaI injunction. and ''swear
not at au.'-Atlanta Constitution.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-01-20
Too Smart.

cit does not always pay to be too
smart" said lawyer. AT our board
ing house new waitress was employed.
and a young chap asked her what he
should call her.
"'Call me Pearl she said
care you the pearl of great price?' he
asked.
mo answered the girl. I guess I
am the pearl that was cast before
SWINE Washington (Ga.} Reporter
Hes built in an awfully peculiar way,
isn't he?'
''Yes. the only thing he can buy ready
made is an umbrella" = Philadelphia
Ledger.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-01-20

Porcelain is being used for water
pipes.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-01-20

JUNE TINT BUTTER COLOR
makes top Of the market butter
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-01-20

what do you think now. Bobbie?" rn-
marked the mother as she boxed his
ears.
II don't think replied the boy MY
train Of thought has been delayed by a
hotbox. Town Topics.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1904-10-15
JAPANESE PATRIOTISM.
Loyalty to the Emperor is Its Great
Coucomitaut.

Nobushige Amenomori in the Atlantic Monthly.
The love of ones fatherland is common to
the natives of all countries, but in Japa-
nese patriotism there are certain things pc
culiar to itself.
When we consider japanese patriotism we
| must never lose sight of its great concom-
liant, loyalty to the emperor. These two
passions are so closely united in the breast
of an ordinary Japanese that he can hardly
conceive of one without the other. When
a Japanese says, Il love my country" a
great Or even the greater part Of his idea
of his country is taken up by the en-
peror and the imperial family. His duty to
his country, as conceived by him, includes,
first of all, duty to his emperor. Moreover,
to him his country does not mean simply
a group of islands with about fifty millions
of people living on them. His forefathers
and descendants are also taken into ac-
count. To him the past, present and future
generations are commingled into one, so
that If we analyze the idea of his kuni
country, as understood by him, we find it
composed of the following elements:
l. The imperial ancestors.
2. The reigning emperor.
3. The imperial family.
A. The imperial descendants.
D. His own ancestors.
g. His own family and relations.
Z. His descendants.
8. His fellow countrymen, their families
and their relations.
8. Their ancestors.
10. Their descendants.
II. The extent of land or lands occupied
by his race.
The Japanese knows that his own ances-
tors served those of his emperor. Nay, he
knows that, If his own genealogy be traced
to bygone ages it will be found more or less
connected with that of the imperial house
hold. In short, the japanese are members
of one vast family with the emperor as
the head and representative of it's main
stock. The emperor is by birth the head of
the nation. Neither he nor any of his an
cestors came to the throne by ruse or vio-
lence. Suppose Abraham had founded an
empire in Palestine-that his heirs in an
unbroken line ruled over the twelve tribes
themselves descendants of Abraham. and
that the empire continued powerful to this
day; suppose this, and you have an idea
Japan.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1904-10-15
BRIDGE OF LAUGHTER
New York's Fifteen Million
Dollar Aerial Boulevard
ACROSS EAST RIVER
BREATHING PLACE FOR THE
POOR OF THE TENEMENTs.
Brought to Their Doors by Com
bination of Chance and
laundering.

Written for The Evening Star.
without meaning at all to do it. New
York has made the most wonderful poor
mans promenade in the world, and put it
into the one place in the world where it
was most needed.
1t begins in the heart of hearts of the
tenement house distrct-in the most crowd
ed place of the earth, where, within the last
two years. more than half a dozen great
tenement barracks were cleared of their
tenants by the police, because they had
been declared not by emotional philanthro-
pists, but by Unconditional law, to be unfit
for human habitation."
This wonderful promenade, used almost
exclusively now by inmates of the tene-
ments, because 1t is cut off entirely from
all better parts of Manhattan, cost New
York fifteen millions of dollars. From it
are to be seen in one and the same glance
as fine view there is anywhere, and
as hideous a one; for the eye sweeps
over two square miles of sitting grimy,
airless, seven and eight-story monsters of
barracks, and then over the rolling strait
known East river and to the royal
islands and terraced shores of the glorious
harbor.
The promenade wasn't built for prom
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1904-10-15

l shouldn't. perhaps, be asking you to pick
her up for me-"
I'm do my best" said the doctor. "and
1 m sorry, old manu-
But the scientist had raised a lean hand
of protest. His pride couldn't bear pitv
And with an unwonted delicacy DR. Jared
Wells tiptoed from the room and told the
nurse whom he met on the stairs that her
patient was asleep.
AS he stood talking, step or two above
her, looking down into her upturned face
he quite made up his mind that he womb
marry her, that he wanted her very much.
For moment he felt almost humble
Then the scientists words flashed into his
mind-"Some one whom the money and the
name would benefit
His brain began to work with feyerish
energy He went into his private office and
sat down In his big desk chair to think II
over. 1t would solve the question for him
and for the scientist too! And she was
such sensible girl! Would she do III
With the scientists money-poor fellow
she could help him so much; and the sci
entists old homestead would give him dis
tinction.
Before he went to bed he had fully made
up his mind to tell the scientist he had
found him the very woman.
He did SO the next morning did Il rather
well, too. and, be 1t said to his credit
rather shamefacedly The scientists thin
sensitive face flushed but he looked
straight at DR.. Jared, who crossed sud
denly to the window.
VIII you speak to her for me, doctor?
It's strange thing to ask. know but
you can present the case impersonaiiy you