Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1904-08-18

from the east about nine o'clock. She
was late that night, and she came
down that grade for all she knew how.
When she struck that soft soap she
slid ahead like a comet rollicking
through space; the engine rocked from
side to side like a steam launch In a
storm. The engineer saw there was
something wrong in a minute, and
whistled down brakes" ferociously.
The brakemen put on enough power
on the brakes to lift her right off the
tracks and hold her suspended in the
air, but she just plunged ahead through
the darkness, squirting soft soap on
all the surrounding landscape.
"Its that blamed Bilger woman
again!" yelled the engineer to the fire.
a whats she done now?"/
"Oh, my Cod" said the fireman,
thinking of his family; show do I
know"
Then they both held onto the sides
of the Keeling cab and hoped hard.
The engineer swore ~arpeggios to a sort
of running obligato on the whistle.
The train went by the station like a
demoniac steam calliope escaped from
a circus, with a frightened train hand
hanging on the brake OF every other
car. When they finally stopped, two
miles down the road, the engineer said
he w had such an awful feeling in
his life-only he didn't say it that way.
The fireman was quite seasick.
The worst of it was, they didn't have
the least idea what allied them, because
by that time all the soft soap was worn
off the wheels. They hadn't the time
to look around, anyway, because they
had to get down on the next siding for
the through ten o'clock passenger
train.
The express was extra heavy that
night, and the engineer had a horri-
bic rate of speed on her when she
reached the grade. Nevertheless, when
she struck it she stopped short within
two lengths. To the wild dismay of
the engineer, the big drivers of his
engine just whirled around and around
like a top. The engine couldn't get up
that grade any more than a man can
lift himself by his boot straps. Final
ly the engineer stopped her and he and
the fireman got out to investigate. Up
the grade in front of the engine the
rails, in the beams Of the headlight,
stretched in two strangely g~listening
lines.
by thunder" exclaimed the fire
man, STOPPING down; cts soft SOAP"
Nov will you pay me for my muley
cow" said a voice from the darkness.
eff you don't, you'll never run your
darned road again"
1t was Mrs. Bilger. Her price had
risen to $87.
1t so happened that a very impor-
tant person was on this train, no less
important a person, in fact, than the
president of the road. He was in a
hurry, too, and he came out of his spe-
cial cal to see what was going on, just
as Mrs. Bilger arrived on the scene.
well, what's the matter here?" said
the president.
"Soft soap, sir" said the excited en-
gineer; this woman's been daubing
up the track with soft soap so we
can't run the train, because she had
her darned COW killed and they won't
pay for it."
eyes, they will" said Mrs. Bilger;
"and it'll cost 'em $S7-not a cent
less"
Mrs. Bilger felt she was in a posi-
tion to dictate, and she proposed to
do so. The railroad president appre-
ciated the situation.
"Well, my good woman" said he,
don't you think you'd compromise-for
a little less-say S75?"
"Who are your" said Mrs. Bilger,
haughtily.
"Well, I'm president of this road
said the great official.
well, then, I want $S7 for my muley
cow" said Mrs. Bilger, "and you don't
get her for any less"
This amused the president consid-
erably. He took out his fat pocket
book and counted out a big roll of bills.
"There you are" said he, "Ill pay it
myself" Then he got Mrs. Bilger's
mark on a receipt before witnesses,
in front of the headlight; and Mrs.
Bilger's muley COW was settled for just
five months after its death.
After awhile, with the help of the
freight engine below, the passenger
train was pushed up the grade, the
track having been sanded all the way
up.
"That muley COW was a good paying
property" unused the railroad presi-
dent, as he seated himself in his spe-
.cial car. eff she'd given a barrel of
milk a day, and had a calf every two
months since the time of her demise,
she wouldn't have yielded such large
returns"