The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1904-01-27
HUMOROUS.
Baltimore American,

Il thought she was going to marry
an English duke" mo Her father
found Russian prince that he could
get for half the price Chicago Rec
ord d.Herald.
YES" said the sharper. who had
just succeeded in obtaining change for
a bad $40 bill from a guileless old
clergyman, "if there's anything | like
It's pastoral simpllcity."-Puck
Say, papa" asked little Cordelia,
what is n woman called who thinks
twice before she speaks?" She's
what they call q mute. my dear" an.
swered the knowing parent-Chicago
News.
People say" remarked the girl in
blue, that we look very much alike,
and | believe can see little resem.
blance myself" you conceited
thing" exclaimed the girl in gray
Chicago Post.
Bob-Are you fond of reading
Dick?' Dick-No, hate it; that's the
reason | pretend to like It. If my
mother thought didn't like to read,
she'd keep me at it all the time."-
Boston Transcript
well, anyway" he said during
their little spat, when | proposed to
you, you took me promptly enough"
Yes" she heplied: II was only a
woman, and you did look so cheap
Philadelphia Ledger.
"Yes. it's all off between Laura and
Reginald" What was the trouble?"
"He met her unexpectedly out auto
MODELLING and she had on her new auto
cap. The next day he broke the en-
gagement. cleveland Plain Dealer.
THE day is done.' murmured the
sentimental maid That's right" ad-
mitted the prosaic youth. "but the
night is pretty raw" Whereupon they
both shivered and broke up the camp
on the front stoop.-Chicago Daily
News.
81 wish I had been born with a sill
ver spoon in my mouth" sighed the
youth. "Oh, don't let that worry
you" rejoined the village sage. you'll
probably get a lot OF gold teeth in
your mouth before you die. e."-Chicago
News.
Now, DEAR said the hero Of the
elopement, as they boarded the train,
I'VE are safe from pursuit" And
also" said the radiant girl, "safe from
starvation. Here's check papa made
out to your order. r."-Philadelphia
Press.
What your town needs most" said
tn, travelling man, "is a hotel with all
the comforts of home" "Not much, y
replied the housekeeper. "A home
| with all the comforts of a hotel Is
what most of us want."-Philadelp
Press.
He--Do you remember when we were
your house to play? Wern't those
| Jolly times? Sac Weren't they? And
your mamma never let you stay more
than an hour.-Cincinnati Commercial
| Tribune.
when you send your poetical effu-
sions to the magazines do you call
them poems or 'verses?'" We'll,
when I'm sending them call them
my poems but when they come back
| call them my 'reverses.' '"-Philadel-
phia Pres.
Miss Screecher-So Mr.. Critique
said my singing was heavenly, did he?
Mr.. Howells-Well. not in so many
words, but he probably meant that
Mss Sreecher-What did he say? Mr.,
Howells-He said it was unearthy.-
Chicago News,
"You have spinal troubles" said the
physician at the conclusion of his ex-
animation of the able editor well
-ah-h'm-doctor, returned the jour
nalist, 'how much do you charge per
] column for treatment in such cases?'
Town Topics.
"Yes," said the grass widow with
the perpetual ticket to Dakota. II can
| count my husbands on my fingers.
How about that short, stout gentle
man you married some time ago."
asked her friend. "Oh, | count him as
thumb. Buffalo News.
Hes the most eccentric genius |
ever met" "He certainly is a gen.
ius, but never considered him eccen-
tric." That's Just 1t. The average
genius is eccentric, and his lack of &C.
centricity makes him all the more &C.
centric. c."-Philadelphia Ledger.
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