The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1904-01-03

southern people are hOeeu Hoe AAS'S
for their hospitality to guests, but for
their friendliness to the stranger within
the gates;" nevertheless, an occasional
sermon upon the text. "Who is my neigh
bor?" may not come amiss.
In order to answer the question au-
thoratively, the writer has held an ex-
tended interview with the city directory,
and am prepared to introduce to those
who honestly wish to know their neigh
bors
First of all, stop and congratulate
yourself if. by good fortune. you chance
to have pretty or even passably pleas
ant name To be downright grateful fer
it, you have only to follow in my foot
prints,-or, rather, finger reprints, through
the pages of the directory.
Judging by the names of the pater-fa-
milias, Birmingham is distnctivey Amer
ican, for the foreign population is COM
paratively small and the eommoners far
out number the arstocracy. Indeed, the
latter would make a good-sized town by
themselves. The Smiths number 449
Jones. 1926; Williams, sol; Browns, $50 and
Jacksons 1872 There are 276 Johnsons and
SO Johnstons, the formerly nearly all col
ored and the latter white. tQeer, isn't it p
1t is peculiar to find the name Williams
so common, and the Wilson's comparative
sly few as ii is usually reversed.
To rule over these, we have. sjxty-five
Kings, eighteen Princes, eleven Dukes.
eleven Earls. two Lords, two Marquis.
seven Lairds, fifteen Knights, four
judges, two Squires and one Gentry. In
spite of all southern tradition, there are
but three Majors and not a single Coloneli
And, alas, and we have only four guardian
Angels to the whole town.
We are somewhat erratic also in our
choice of trades and occupations. There
are many BARRIERS. Bakers, Brewers, But
lers, Carpenters, Carriers, Cooks, Coop
ers. Farmers. Fishers, Masons Millers,
Tanners, Golfers Thinkers. Potters, Har-
pers, Turner's Saddlers, Shepherds, and
Weavers, yet of Boxers, Coachmen, Driv-
ers Riders. Lackeys, Miners and Paint
ers, we have but two each, and one Mer-
chant, one Fidler, two Gardeners, one
Shoemaker, one Whistler, one Jumper,
one Butcher, one Piper, one Plumber, and
one Postman. To look after the four
Crooks. one Gambler, three outlaws one
Tiplar, one Tyrant and four that Gamble
all the time, we have but two Sheriffs
Certainly it can not be said that Bir-
mingham people are "cut from one bolt,
that there is anything monotonous in the
general makeup. Some are Bright, others
Brittle. Cross, Early, Earnest, Fair,
Frank, Gaudy, Gay, Gentle, Glass Good,
Grace Haggard, Hale, Handy, Hardy,
Harsh, Jolly. Large, Level Light Little,
Lively, Long. Lone, Looney, Loving, Low,
Lucky, Moody, Mooney, New Newborn
Noble, Nude Peteet,. Robust, Pleasant,
Poor; Rich, Quick, Sharp. Slack, Smart.
Stern, Stiff, Strut, Sweet, Swift, Strong
Strange. Tardy, True Worthy, Weakley.
Wellborn, Tart, Wooley, Woosted, and
Golden.
We have one Due, one Goodfellow, two
Lumpkins. one Shirk, two Prudes, eight
Riddles, nine Savages, seven Minors, and
one Stringfellow Seven are Short, ten
Shorter, and two Taller. Four are Meek
and two Meeker; ten Wise, four Wiser.
Two Doolittle, ffty-six are Young, and
none at all are Old. Three are always
Going, poor things! Ones name is Mudd,
and you dare to say it to his face.
Our Anatomy.
Our anatomy is somewhat singular, hav-
ing nine Bodies. twelve Heads, one
Brain, one Bone, eight Cheeks, with ten
Boards and one Curl. We have two Sides.
two Hips, two Shanks, and two Heel,
one Arm and four Hands, and one Palm
only There are also eight Pates to spare.
To clothe this wondrous figure there is
bur one Shirt, five Bibbs, four Vests,
three Caps. twenty-four Hoods two
Stocks three Belts, two Buttons, and
one Buckle. Just one Mtten for all the
Young men in town, too.
The family circle is small. The nine
Brothers have two Cousins, one Niece,
several Childs. two Friends. one Guest,
and three neighbors.
We can claim one Fortune. and one
Treasure. but for cash we have only two
Moneys, two Colds, two Schillings, one
Coin, and one Penny. Very Precious is
our Opal and two Pearls, though the lat
ter. l believe. must be cassed among the
smoked pearls.
Ecclesiastical Names.
In Matters ecclesiastical, the city unites
upon on one Creed. Let us hope 1t is
good one Two Baptists, and twelve
Christians make up the membership for
one Temple, ten Churches and four Kinks.
presided over by nine Bishops, fourteen
Parsons and four Elders.
The Signal Service bureau Is decidedly
cratic We are given three Summers.
to seven Winters; sixteen Days, one
Morning, one Dawn, one Season, three
casters. four Weeks, one Sunday and
one Minute The one Dial may point two
twenty-seven Vests. five Easts. two
Norths and two Souths. Doubtless the
service is crippled by having only one
Signal and four Flags, with which to
warn us of the Frosts, Dew, Gales, Shows,
Halls as well as the Raney Days.
The color scheme would make good
Scotch plaid. Put together, thirty-seven
Blacks, thirty-nine Greys. one Blue, six
Redds, six Alfred. $50 Browns. 106 Greens.
and two Greener, with 100 Whites-at
least half of which are marked with the
(x) that means dingy-and you have
variety picture.