The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1904-01-20
HUMOROUS.

Monument Man-What shall I put
on your husbands tombstone, madam?
Detected Widow-Oh, say that he was
my husband, and that he is happy now.
Life.
The Daughter-Jack promised that II
accepted him he would mend his
ways. The Mother-Humph! I haven't
much faith in this repairing done while
you wait.-Brooklyn Life.
Hassit--It's strange you're so hard
up, old man. I thought you owned half
of Swamphurst, and had lots to SELL"
Haddit-I have; but what | want is
lots to eat.-Town and Country.
Passenger-This train is nearly one
hour behind time, is it not? Guard
Yes; but that's all right. Well get
in in the usual time. Passenger
What time is that? Guard-Two hours
late.
Dremer-If I could only acquire
nice pile of money, I wouldn't do a
thing but travel. Skemcr-Of course,
but maybe the police wouldn't do
thing to stop you.-Catholic Standard
and Times.
81 can't imagine how you can dislike
work; to me it's real enjoyment" said
the father to his lazy son. "Yes, faith
err" was the guileless response; but
| don't want to give myself up wholly
to pleasure"
"Are you sure" asked the captain of
industry, that you love my daughter?"
"Come, | say" replied the duke,
you're not going to be sentimental at
your time of life, are you?"-Chicago
Record Herald.
George, did you know that ! was
going to marry your sister," well,
/ heard her say so, but she's had that
idea about so many other fellers that
didn't feel sure about 1t till you told
me."-Brooklyn Life.
"The musical critic is kicking be-
cause he has two big concerts in addi-
| ton to the grand opera" But
didn't expect him to do the opera-the
| fashion editor will cover that
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Binks-My stars! | heard that you
had died of heart failure while drunk
Winks-That's a mean, miserable, ma
| liciots SANDER. Then you were not
drunk?" 81 didn't die of heart fail
ure. New York Weekly.
$50 this is to be farewell tour?"
"It is," answered the prima donna
You mean to cease singing in pub
| lic?" mot at all. Merely that people
are to have another opportunity to say
farewell to their money. Washington
Star.
Husband (reading)-Old Mr.. Hopp-
| son was buried yesterday. Wife-Why,
| is he really dead? Husband (sarcas-
| tically)-The paper doesn't really say
whether he Is dead or not. 1t simply
states he was buried.-Chicago Daily
News.
Mr.. Goodsole-I hear Mr.. Stoutley
paid $4,000 for seat in the Stock
| Exchange" Mrs. Goodsole-Land
sakes. He certainly is fat, but never
s'posed he'd have to pay that much
jest to get chair made to order
Philadelphia Ledger.
"Wait second" she said, as she
stepped into the store. Certainly"
he replied, and when he had been up
town, looked through his mail, spent
two hours on Change, and taken
! luncheon at the club, he returned and
found her just emerging from the door.
, Cincinnati Commercial Tribune.
"If the question of population Is a
matter of such Importance as 1t seems
| to be from the discussions ! hear" he
remarked, Il should think the govern
ment would take census every year."
"Oh, dear, no." he replied. why, that
would deprive us Of the fun of specu-
lating as to our growth. Chicago
! Post.
MY boy tells me you discharged
him." said the late Office boys mother.
"You advertised for a strong boy, and
certainly thought he was strong
enough" Madam" replied the mer-
| chant, "he was too strong. He broke
all the rules of the Office and some Of
the furniture in the two days he was
| with s!"-Philadelphia Press.