West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1904-07-21
raE ARIZONA KICKER.
Some Breezy Notes aud Comments from
the Great Southwest

fhE AhtLuNA kICkEk.
Some Breezy Notes aud Comments from
the Great Southwest
Major, Underhill called at the Kicker Office
the other afternoon to shoot us, but we hap.
pened to be e'over at Lone Jack that day. /.
Sorry he missed us and we hope he will call
! again. Always ready TO be shot II notified IN
time.
The Grass Valley Bage has suspende d
publication, and its late editor has gone to
driving mule team. We have always
wanted to speak good word for Brother
Watkins, and we shoot il off now. We
believe he has struck his gait.
a reservation Indian chief known as lie
That Weeps got hold OF an unhusked cocoa
nut at one OF the groceries the other day
and tried for an hour to take bite out OF IL.
lie finally gave up in DISCUS, and traded the
nut for a chew of tobacco. The dawn of
civilization is puzzle to the red man.
Some unknown person IN Nebraska has
gone TO the trouble of writing us letter to
say that death is on our trail aud that we
won't live out half our days, aud a postal
card from Utah warns us that our time limit
has been Set at Oct. !, We always like to
have something in prospect, and our thanks
arc due TO both writers.
Mr.. John Calhoun, miner and prospcctor.
informs us that he has discovered n solid
ledge of gold seven feet thick and mile
long on ono of our mountains, and he thinks
we ought TO be worth sac, 900, 600 at the end
OF year or so. We have always wanted to
sit in a poker game where the ante was s.,
and perhaps things are coming our way.
zoe Halton, proprietor Of The White Wolf
saloon, IS cross eyed man, and we. made
mention Of the fact two or three weeks ago
in writing up something about our promi.
nenl men Joe got mad about il, and Mon.
day last he entered our sanctum aud shot six
bullets all around us. We now insist that
he is not only cross eyed, but he can't shoot
for shucks.
Some three weeks ago Clie~go Literary
man came out here to study life in the rough
and sc, material for an American novel.
Ills shoes, matchbox, whisky flask snd
pistol were found on Blue iaouu,ain the
other day, with evidence close at hand hat
nc had been eaten by a bear The poor
chap got TOO close to tile local flavor. The
present address of the bear is unknown.
The other day We were shown cucumber
eleven fee, long aud tomato lha, was lust
the size of quart bowl, both grown within
two miles Of Giyeadam Gulch. We dor't
bfag about the kind Of statesmen Arizona
turns out, but how congress can keap as cut
Of the Union after seejng,such cucumber
as that is beyond US. The whole senate
ought 10 be knoked down with it if our
petition is rejected
The rear end Of the Kicker Office was dam.
aged by fire The extent Of So last ruesda,
night, but we have not raised advertising .,r
subscription rates or balanced our hat ON
our ear on account Of it. Weare msttopol.
itan journal, and such mte things are
simply everyday events
At the meeting Of the common council ON
Tuesday night last we were compelled as
presiding officer 10 tick Alderman Finneean,s
ear with a bullet to convince him that a
motion to adjourn IS always in order. lie
was convinced, and he at once moved 10
adjourn aud get out in search Of a drink.
We learn that another territorial Office will
be created next winter, and we shall imme-
dia'ely begin laying our pipes to capture il.
We are doing fairly well as mayor, pos;inas-
ter, senator, deputy marshal and forestry
commissioner, bu, If there is another good
thing lying around loose we don't sec why
we shouldn't add it to our list. Heaven
helps those who help themselves in Altoona.
Desiring to be as strictly honest about our
circulation as New York daily, we are
forced to announce that we lost thirty.two
subscribers last week While the total
figures Of circulation are something like two
billions, any advertiser who thinks the loss
Of thiry-iwo names Is damage to him will
receive pro rata reduction Our subsc,ip.
ton books are open TO all, AID our guns
bick our books
Several eastern readers have written io
ask US v this climate is good for hay fever.
Our local doctors say u is, but as none of
them know The difference between a broken
leg and a case Of smallpox their statements
should be taken with several grains Of
allowance. We knew man who came here
from Husburg 10 be eutsd Of hay fever. bul
as be was hung for horse stealing il is hard
10 say whether the climate or the rope cured
him.