Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1904-01-29
BITS OF IRISH HUMOR
SPONTANEOUS DRoLLERY OF THE
EMERALD ISLE.
Hibernian Wit Has a Flavor All
Its own-Dry, Crisp and
Cutting.
From the London Globe.

droll dry. crisp, cutting, and there is
nearly always CLEAN of merry white
teeth in 1t. for the IrisAman jokes better
when he is lighthearted than when he has
twitching of the "sardonicus risus.- His
stories are set to Horatian smile, and
seldom does the Juvenalistic (cf. journals
t1c) scowl come over the expression of his
wit to make the satire grim. When Juvenal
does Gust Horace from an Irishman's coun-
tenance it is usually no longer question
OF wit and humer, but of inquests. There
Is one quality. however, that Irish wit is
seldom without. and that is certain Tightly
ineonseauence of ideas from which the
irish bull was bred. And what makes
this fnconsequence of thought the more
charming is the fact that one does not al
ways know whether 1t is unconscious or
Intentional
Perhaps the reader would like to decide
Wnlcn from the following cynical view OF
HIe given by an Irish farmer to his son:
You see my boy. a mans life naturally
divides itself into three distinct periods
The hrst rs that In which he is plannin and
conthrfVfn all sorts of villainy and rascal
ity; that is the period of youth and inno-
cence. The second is that in which he is
puttln into practice the vfllainy and ras-
CAVITY ne eonthrfved before; that is the
prime or life, or the flower of manhood
Ihe third and last period is that in which
ne IS maxim his soul and preparin' for an
othef world; that is the period of dotape
Aho, again, the cynicism almost succeeds
III dcnleVlhg Inconsistencies in the follow
ing Closing remark of an Irish ESSAY ON
coartshlp and marriage: But lovers do
nave their quarrels sometimes: and he
sorfa. Wnen they do you'd almost think
.hes mated one another like man and wife"
Form Of the Bull.
1t IS possible that the well-known Irish
1neonseauence of thought is yery of. On re
sponsfble for the hunor of many handmade
bulls. 1t is quite possible for wae to
produce any number of the most laus liable
sayings of this kind. and no doubt MANY Of
the bulls that failed to brighten Miss Maria
s.ossWcftn were made consciously enough
by TIE Irish In pursuance of common
form OF huInor. For instance although
some Of Boyle Roche's famous bulls may
nave peen unintentional even his we'll
Known mixed metaphor. 1t is too much to
suppose that every Irishman who mokes a
bull nowadays does it by mere incense.
quence. 1t must have taken that Austria
Han member of parliament a long time 10
prepare the following: Eye have shaved all
the wool off the goose that lays the golden
eggs until ye have pumped it dry And
In the preparation of it he was only adopt-
Ing recognized form of Irish hurnor for
/ tie expression of his ideas.
Heart Under a Kilt,
Nevertheless. it is true that a kind of
superficial stupidity. even in the educated
Irish. goes far to account for much of their
quaint humor An aptness of speech and a
versatility of idea, combined with this SUI
perficial stupidity. may lead their possessor
into all kinds of laughable forms o. speech.
For instance, the Irishman who swore that
there was "as honest a heart beating be-
meath an Irish tunic under any Scot
fish kilt had a ready gift of compar ison
but was too stupid to notice whittier it was
leading him. Instances of this grotesque
and laughable stupidity are numerous
enough and so we'll known that it is neces-
sary to Gull them from the byways of Hi
berniana in order to interest. It was a
strong strain Of Irish blood in an American
council that made itself responsible for the
following absurd resolutions:
Ffrst-Resolved by this council, That We
build new Jail.
Second-Resolved. That the new Jail be
built out Of the materials of the old iail
Third-Resolved. That the old jail be used
until the new jail is finished.
Celtic Breaks.
Equally absurd are the remarks of learn
ed Irisnmen. A certain DIR. Barrett of Trim
ity College. Dublin, was great offender in
this way. At a discussion Of the college
hoard as to what should be done with a.
huge heap of rubbish in the college park.
some ore suggested that a hole should be
dug and the rubbish buried. Barrett took
up this idea and stuck to it. But the
others demonstrated, what shall we do
with the stuff that comes out of the hole?"
We'll" said Barrett, dig another hole and
bury it, There is something more than
mere absurd stupidity in the following story
of this same Barrett One cold, snowy night
a man who lived about five miles from the
college sent his son. a young boy, to the
doctors for book that he had promised to
lend him. When the boy arrived he knock
ed at the door and the doctor came out to
him. There was light in his library and
when he learned what the boy wanted he
went in the dark and presently returned
with a book in his hand Now" he said.
''go home to your father and tell him that
believe this is the book he wants, for 1
think l can put my hand almost every
book in my library; But if it isn't, come
back and I'll light a candle and look for it."
An Irish jury, when possessed of the subtle
Irish stupidity,.is the most refreshing thing
III the court. Not long ago libel case was
heard in Roscommon, in which the libel was
that the plaintiff had been accused of steal
ing a goose. When the jury had considered
their verdict the foreman solemnly an
nounced: I'VE find for the plaintiff, with
damages, the price of a goose" Which is
verdict almost as subtle as that of a
jury in Australia, where Irishmen are COM
mon enough, to the effect that the prisoner
was more or less guilty"