Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1904-09-23
BITS OF BURGLAR WIT
HoUsEBREAKERS HAVE PROVED
TO BE GOOD SCHOLARS.
One Leaves His Card and Then He
Takes q Few Memen-
toes.

burr lar who has a weakness for paying us
surprise visits at unconventional hours is
necessarily the coarse, bullet-headed, low
type man SO commonly pictured He may
be and often is a man Of gentlemanly exte-
rior and of education, who would seem
much more in his element in ones drawing
room than climbing through a kitchen win
dow.
That he can be polite, If satirical, has
been proved over and over again by the
messages he leaves behind for the benefit
of his unseen host many of which are
treasured at New Scotland Yard.
1t is not long since one of these nocturnal
gentlemen, who had paid an unexpected
call on a well-known author, left behind
him this message on the library table,
Dear sir: 1t is a matter of regret with
me that your taste in wines is not as good
as your taste in books If 1t had been l
should have spent a still more delightful
time under your hospitable roof.
The writer of this message, who was ar
rested a few weeks later, proved to be
university graduate, who, in his honest
days; had himself written more than one
promising volume.
Leaves Visiting Card.
Another gentlemany burglar, who had
apparently spent an agreeable hour in a
certain house in a West End square, left
visiting card behind with the letters ~.
P. c. penclled in the corner, and on the
back were these lines:
l am sorry not to have had the pleasure
of saying goodbye in person. AS some
little compensation for my disappointment
l am venturing to take a few mementoes
of my too brief stay in your home.
A burglar who paid recent visit to the
house of a Yorkshire squire was evidently
| none too pleased with the fare that had
been unconscously provided for him, Tor
before retiring he penned this note:
Dear sir: One good turn deserves an
other Take my tip and-change your COOK.
Yours faithfully,
ALGERNON FITZSIMMONS SKIES.
But all burglars are by no means courte-
| Gus to their hosts, as a certain gentleman
in the Midlands can testify. This gentle
| man, who is a doctor, had unfortunately
provided nothing for his unlimited guest
but a solitary bottle of inferior claret. In
the morning this bottle was found among
his drugs with label attached, on winch
was this message:
Dear sir: AS this bottle had evidently
it. Give it to your patients and it'll make
your fortune. In mistaken moment 1
drank tablespoonful. / am now going to
arrange with an undertaken.
Burglar Was Poet.
Douglas Jerrold used to tell the story of a
friend of his, lawyer. who came down one
morning to find his house stripped of every
thing that was valuable and portable To
add insult to injury, the burglar had left
this farewell message behind him:
A lawyers thief, some folks say,
But, oh. how wronged Is he!
He steals his clients purse, tits true
But hands 1t on to me.
But all messages are not addressed by
any means to the. master of the house, for a
certain lady known to the writer, not long
ago received this hint from gentleman of
the jimmy:
Dear Madam hope next time 1 honor
you with visit you will try to persuade
the old gentleman not to snore so loudly.
find his vocal efforts very disturbing in the
practice OF my profession.
There are even burglars with classical
tastes, astonishing as the statement may
SEEM as was proved not so long ago, when
J. G. Henson, a Manchester gentleman, fan
cying he heard a noise in the house, stole
quietly downstairs, and, opening his library
door, found man ensconced In an arm
chair absorbed in the Odes Of Horace.
81 was so amazed" said Mr.. Henson, 'at
what l saw that instead of calling for as
sistance and giving him into custody, as l
suppose / ought TO have done, entered into
conversation with him"
Could Appreciate Horace.
"He told me that he was literally starving
and that, as he saw my library window
open, he couldn't resist the temptation of
getting into the house to see if he could
find anything to eat. On turning up the
gas he saw my Horace lying open on the
table, and he yielded 10 the temptation to
revive old memories of his Rugby and Ok
ford days. l found him a most clever and
entertaining fellow, and his story was so
pitiful that / gave him a good meal and
sent him away with sovereign In his
pocket. A few months later he returned the
sovereign, and wrote to tell me that he had
| found his feet again, having got good
appointment as master In school,.