Waterbury evening Democrat., 1904-01-20

->'. . DER REFORMED DRUNKARD YEAS INSIDE. window init all der bottles und jugs I can find around. All der bottles und jugs vhas labeled whisky Bran dy," tGin," "Rum,'' Sickness "Pov- erty," Der Poorhouse' und Death" und it makes my hair stand cop to look at lem. Across der window haf 8 sign to read:
 Der Reformed Drunkard vhas @ Inside. Come In. Everyt'ing yhas ready before I go to bed, und MT. Voglestein looks around him before he goes home und says:
 'Hans, dago vhas a booty sharp man, but tomorrow you shall show der pooblic dot a Dootchman vhas sharp er." ~ W don't hardly get my shop open in der morning before feller comes in. He vhas no preacher, und he vhas no loafer, but shust feller dot don't get in der vhay of trolley car He reads dot sign und looks at der bottles from outdoors, und he smiles at me und says:
 "Oldt mans, you had lem badt, didn't youY
 Awful badt,' says.
 ''See many rats?"
 Thousands und tousands.'
 Snakes twist around your legs?" | Plenty of 'em."
 .. Well, I've been there myself upd know how it is. und I've also Reform E ed that is, don't take more than six drinks a day unless Pm out with the boys. Are you sticking right to cold water?"
 "Shust ash hard ash can. I drink half barrel day." "Well, feel it my duty to help you along, und I'll send a boy around with I three pairs of shoes to be fixed. Must come tough on you, but stick it oudt if you can"
 l Tn ten minutes a womans comes in. 1 She haf two pairs of shofS in her hand l und vhas going to der dagos when she sees my window.
 "vhas you der reformed drunkard P she asks ash she looks me oafer. 1 T vhas, madam I says.
 "Und how many years do you drink ] whisky und pound your wife und smash cop der furniture?"
 More ash twenty years"
 "So? yhas you often in jail?"
 "One hoonered times."
 "Und do you go py der Salvation Army to be reformed|'
 "No, ma'am. One morning after I almost kill my wife und baby und set der house on fire I sit down i'll der l back yard to think. In two hours i make oop my mind to reform, und 1 from dot hour I don't drink nothings but water. I now haf growing baby und happy wife, und ny house vhas l full of joy.''
 ''How beautiful!" says dos. womans. tVhcll when I find sooch a case I feel like extending an encouraging hand. You can fix cop der shoes today, und tomorrow I vhill bring in some more."
 She vhas hardly gone avhay when in comes mans dot winks at me und says:
 l "I'm jealous of you, oldt mans"
 ''How vEas it?"
 If you've cmptied all dose jugs und bottles, you've had a gay oldt time all by your lonesome, und I should think 1t would make your mouth water to remember 1t. So you don't look on the wine when it's red any more?"
 'Not one look"
 "Have any pains or aches?'
 Not one." l 'tTheil, I've been soaking for forty years, und Pm going to keep 1t oop for forty Iilore. I know I should bring on collapse if didn't have ten or twelve nips day. und don't propose to have any collapse in mine. If you vhant to be ass enough to guZzle cold water 1 after having had good time all dose years dots your own peesness. Pm | always on hand to help boost feller man cop, howefer, und you shall fix oop der shoes for my whole family. Ia ta, oldt reformed. I tried it for a week once, und my pity goes oudt for YOU. Put leetle castor oil fin der l water to niaAe II L..o,e nhe scotch whisky"
 In 0 leetle while an old bum comes in. He has a red nose und water in his eyes, und I know he vhas a drunk ard for ten years. .. ..s ...,.
 Hans he begins ash he licks his chops oafer der bottles und der jugs 'I vhas an eldt soaker for years und years"
 "So?'
 T vhas drunk on whisky, rum, gin, q brandy, wine, beer und hard cider"
 s.Sa2t,