Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1904-06-20

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Four men went camping. 1t was
agreed that one of them should act as
cook until somebody kicked on the
grub, when the kicker should 90 the
cooking. One man cooked for three
/ days, and then wearied of good works.
He concluded that he would force
somebody to kick, for a kick meant a
new cook. Accordingly he Daked
pie, the principal ingredients OF winch
were pieces of an old gum boot ana
shavings. When the pie was served,
one of the party crunched his teeth OH
a piece Of gum boot, and swore vehe-
mently.
| This is the d-dest pie l ever
ate!" he CALCULATED, but" hastily, Il
like it; like it,"
| DIR. Richard T. Gottheil, of Columbia
| University, has a broad knowledge Oh
Oriental tales and proverbs.
DIR. GOttheil was condemninE peSSl-
mism one day at Columbia.
| "Pessimism,' he said, lis as old as
the hills. Mankind has always recoS-
niZed it and has always derided 1t.
| There is a Persian story about a
pessimist. This story is so old that no
date can be assigned to it. 1t con-
Germs a pessimistic farmer.
| Good FRIEND a visitor said to the
farmer, you are fortunate this year
He pointed to the heavy and rich grain
fields spreading as far as the eye could
see. You can't grumble,' he went on.
about your crop this season, eh?'
| No. whined the pessimist, but
crop like this is terribly wearing on
| the soil
| John D. Rockefeller, at a directors
meeting in New York, was describing
certain methods of juggling with ac-
counts-certain deceptive ledger and
| journal entries that firms make when
they are about to fail dishonesty.
"The other day." said Mr.. Rockefel
Ter, Il heard of a woman who would
| have made an excellent account jug
gler. This woman's husband always
| left in her possession a number Of
| blank signed checks. She was free to
use these checks, but he required from
| her full explanation of the eXpendi
turc that had been made with each of
| them.
| HE was looking over the stubs one
day.
| You say here he said, that check
| No. 272, for $25, went for church eX-
penses. What church expenses were
| thesc?'
"A new Easter bonnet the woman
| answered.
The new Bishop Coadjutor of Albany.
the Rev. Il. H. Nelson, is credited with
this one:
| "A physician and lawyer used to
live next door to one another in historic
| Germantown. The physician one day
asked if he might borrow from the law
yer his edition of Florio's 'Montaigne.'
| "'You are welcome to read the work
in my library the lawyer answered,
| but you can't take it away with you, l
| am sorry to say, for l have lost SO
many books through lending them
| that 1 have sworn never to let another
volume leave my house.
1.-The physician thanked the lawyer,
but, of course, he did not attempt to get
| through so ponderous a work as Mon
| taigne' in the others library.
"A week passed, and the lawyer came
and asked the physician for the loan of
his lawnmower.
80 am only too glad to lend you my
lawnmower,' said the physician,
though it is my rule never to let it
| leave my lawn. There, however, you
may use it all you please"
man, told reporter this story:
"a little boy hustled into a grocery
one day with a memorandum in his
hand.
"'Hello, Mr.. Smith, he said. 4 want
thirteen pounds of coffee at SO cents
livery good said the grocer, and he
noted down the sale, and put his clerk
to packing the coffee. Anything else.
Charlie?'
Yes Twenty-seven pounds of
sugar at Q cents
1.-The loaf, eh? And what else?'
"'Seven and a half pounds of bacon
at 90 cents
THAT is the Arrow brand. Go on
Give pounds of tea at 80 cents.
Eleven and half quarts of molasses
at cents a pint. Two eight-pound
hams at 21A cents, and five dozen jars
OF picked walnuts at "a cents a jar
The clerk hustled about, and the
grocer made out the bill.
at is big order he said. Did
your mother tell you to pay for it, or is
it to be charged?'
my mother said the boy, as he
pocketed the neat and accurate bill,
has nothing to do with this business.
1t is my arithmetic lesson, and had to
get it done somehow"
James H. Hyde Of New York, treas
ures a letter that was recently re-
ceived by the insurance company with
which he is connected. This letter runs
as follows:
Gentlemen: I am sorry to inform
you that 1 have lost my insurance
policy. Will you be kind enough to
send me duplicate policy at once?
You will find a stamp inclosed.
"P. S.-Since writing the above,
have found my policy. The duplicate