The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1904-11-29
ARIZONA KICKLErs.
, There Is Always Something Doing In
the GuIch.


A Chicago paper announces that we
have over 400 railroad passes and are
the biggest deadhead in the profession.
We have only 210 passes, and as for
being a deadhead we have nothing to
say.
Our esteemed contemporary. who is
w years old. has birthday next week.
II We can add anything to the enjoy
ment CT the occasion by giving him per-
mission to shoot at us he can load up
and come on and waste a hundred cart
ridges.
While our circulation books are open
70 all, the man who comes around with
his hat on his ear will get very little
satisfaction out of them. We rate our
circulation at an even billion, and any
one who questions it has got to dodge
tWo guns and beg our pardon besides
The business of the postofioe here is
increasing faster than in any other ter
Eitory, and we feel that wa can say
without egotism that il is our little way
Of managing guns and mail matter that
has done the business
The Lone Jack Recorder has another
or editorial wall this week II calls
upon the people to clip our political
wings and keep us down on the ground,
but the people are not going to do
any such thing. They are going to
make us president of this country four
years hences and then heigho for good
times and plenty of dollars.
There was a man shot on the street
IN row over at Grass Valley last
week and the people of the town are
talking about a fall boom and a big
jump in real estate. If the Gulch didn't
plant three or four men week, we
would soon get the reputation of being
a dead town.
Joe Davis. town marshal for the last
three months, rendered his resignation
at the last meeting of the common
council. He has been hit by three cow
boy bullets during his brief term, and
has concluded that there is nothing do
ing at SIS per week. Until his success
sor is appointed we shall do the shoot
ing for the town
Lawyer Donovan was going to bring
three libel suits against the Kicker last
Monday but after we had had a five
to pass the hand. He heard us coming
up the stairs to his office and got his
gun ready, but Lawyer Donovan was
not cut out for a shootist. He is too
slow on the draw.
Major Callahan is asserting for about
the fiftieth time that he intends to
shoot us on sight. There are two ways
for US to get out of il. The first is TO
lend the major two dollars when he
comes to do the shooting, and the sec
ond is to let him blaze away and dodge
him as he pulls trigger. He is invited
to call any time.
The governor of this territory is a
good fellow and runs things on the
level but he must prepare himself to
step down and out. We want his place
as a stepping-stone TO the presidency,
and what we want we generally get. |
Governor Jim Hellso, OF the Gulch, |
wouldn't look half bad on bit of /
pasteboard.
We have strengthened our social |
standing in the community by pur- I
-Tr~t
one for a hundred miles around. and |
where we go the freezer follows after.
A San Francisco paper says we are |
guilty of sixteen cold-blooded murders, |
and it wonders that the people of this |
territory don't rise up in their wrath
and drive US six feet into the earth |
Firstly. we have got the drop on six
teen different men who were after our
scalp, and in each instance a coroner's
jury has exculpated US. Secondly, the
people of this territory have got a
good thing in us and know it, and
thirdly. the man who made the state /
ment regarding us lied and knew he |
lied and dare not be found within a
hundred miles Of US.
Judge Watson, of Plum Ranch. sent
US word the other day that we were a
liar, a horse thief and a coward, and |
that if we came within a mile of his
ranch he would shoot US dead. The
judge doesn't like it because we run
so HAuCA CullddS StHOOA stun III tAAC
Kicker.
John Hill, the popular undertaken OF
this Gulch, drew his gun the other day
to pop a stranger who had spat on his
boots, and the first thing he knew the
burned thing went off and he got a bull
let through his hand. We always told /
John to use a club if he got in hole, /
but he is bull-headed and will take no !
mans advice.
On Wednesday afternoon. as we sat in |
our sanctum mapping out an editorial
on the political situation, Captain Jim [
Crosby entered and fired four shots at !
us from wobbly old revolver and then
walked off feeling that he had done
big thing. None of the bullets came
within two feet of US. but the smoke
and the noise disturbed and irritated
us. and if he comes again we may be
forced to teach him a lesson in man /
ners.
We have three different lectures
ready to deliver within reasonable dis |
tance OF the Gulch any evening after
this date, and our terms are $50 per
night. In any and every case We shall |
take the platform with two guns strap
ped around u.s. and also reserve the |
right to continue the row out doors.
The editor of the Blue Hill Banner
having called US an unhung scoundrel
in his last issue, we rode over to that
town on Sunday afternoon TO see what |
manner of man he was. He got notice |