Lincoln County leader. [volume] (Toledo, Lincoln County, Or.) 1893-1987, 1904-10-14

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Conductor-I got your fare before.
sir. Passenger know. This nickel
is for the coInpany.-Judge.
I'm getting old" Having rheu-
matism" Worse than that. I'm hav-
ing reminiscences."- Trib-
une.
80 she has started on a life jour
ney into matrimony, has she?" "Well,
l guess it Is only an excursion trip
Brooklyn Life.
Tomdix-What reason have you for
thinking you have hay feverl Hojax
Because every time meet a grass
widow l sneeze.
Bursley-He claims 10 be related to
you, and says he can prove 1t. Floyd
The mans a fool. Bursley-That
may be a mere coincidence.-Smart
Set.
Wife-Good gracious! Do you hear
that sound from the kitchenl More
dishes broken, I'll warrant! Husband
Never mind, dear, 1t has stopped the
cooks singing.
Affected Youth ito man ringing fog
bell at ferry anding)-Aw-my man,
why is this bell ringing? Man-Can't
you see, you idiot, it's because I'm
pullin' the roper
Mrs. Haggard-Do you know, myself
and my daughter are often mistaken
for sisters. Mrs. Gay-Ah, the dear
girl must be studying too hard, don't
you think!-Puck.
Jimmy-Ma, did y buy George n
birthday PRESENT. Ma-Yes. Jimmy
Ma, what did y buy t pacify me
cause 'tain't my birthday 2-Cincinnau
Oommercial-Trlbune.
Dingdong-Did you try that cigar
gave you yesterday? Biffbang-Yes,
but It didn't deserve trial. Ding
dong-Why, what do you mean, Biff-
bang-It should have been lynched.
Mrs. Kenway-You used TO say that
I was the apple of your eye. Mr.. Ken
way-Well, what of itf Mrs. Kenway
Nothing, except that you don't seem
to care as much for fruit as you once
did
George-Ethel, dear, I'm going to in
terview your father tonight Ethel
All right, George. And If anything
happens I'll come to the hospital twice
day until you are able to be out
again.-Chicago News.
"I punish you, Browning, because I
love you. But you are too young to
understand what mothers love Is"
rs 1t two soles with but single
thought; two hands that beat as oner'
, Life.
Mistress (who is going out for the
day)-And, Mary, you may invite a
friend to come in to tea, II you like.
Mary-Please, m. haven't got any
friends. only know young women!-
Punch.
Harold anticipating thingci - I
wasn't at school yesterday, Miss
Bangs. His Teacher (severely)-No;
you were not. Harold decihvely)-
Miss Bangs, I've got to turn over a
new leaf or get into trouble.
. Hettie-Now that you have broken
YOUR engagement with Fred, shall you
return to him the diamond ring he
gave you? Minna-Certainly not, Het-
tie; 1t would be a constant reminder
Of the happiness he had missed.
!, Willie-My mamma gave me nick
, ell for being good. Tommy-Huh, my
mother never gives me anything.
, have to be good anyhow! Willie-Weil,.
nv mamma doesn't want me to be
, good for nothing.-Washlngt Life
. Customer Ito chemists assistant
8 In a business like this l presume you
I have gained some practical experience
{ of therapeutics7 Chemists Assistant
= Indeed, yes, sir. l had 'em when
was ten years old. Broke out all over
me.
A Chance to Get Event wish, ~
d said the expressman to the lawyer
n "that you would send in your bill for
s legal advice" II am waiting" replied
s the lawyer, until | get your bill for
nv May moving. I'd rather have the
8 last chance."-Ex.
s Actress (angrily)-Did you write
t. that criticism which said my imper'
s. sonation Of "The Abandoned Wife
t. was a miserable failure? Critic.
t. Ye-y-e-s; you see, you looked so ire
If sistibly beautiful that it was lmpossi
bic to fancy that any man could aban
* don you!
First Stockholder-I don't see why
people should be allowed to carry pack
e ages on the elevated roads. Second
+. Stockholder-Why shouldn't they