The Savannah morning news. (Savannah, Ga.) 1900-current, 1904-01-17

''Why hullo, old man." said the Gen
ial Gentleman Who Occasionally I'M
bibes, as the Idiot after an absence of
several days, walked into the Dining
Room. Back again"
NO" said the idiot. This isn't me.
I'm my twin brother Josephus, who
died five years before 1 was born. l
never saw Josephus but they tell me
the likeness between us is remarkable,
so don't wonder that you should take
him for me. What's to eat this morn
ing Mary, corned beef hash and
roached egg, or poached egg and corned
beef hash?"
Both" replied the maid with
smile.
"Good--then bring me a little Of
either, I don't care which, with six
teen fried potatoes, seven buckwheat
cakes, and a gill of syrup on the side,
also nine steaming hot biscuit. four
pats of butter. and one prune. I'm
dieting" said the Idiot. And, Mrs.
Pedagog, please, the doctor says take
too much sugar in my coffee so only
five Jumps. How have you all BEEN"
Aren't you breathless after that
magnificent soliloquy?' demanded the
Lawyer, with q laugh. "Or have you
been drinking sweet oil to get your
voice limbered up?
He's got four lungs, Mr.. Brief"
said the Doctor, land he uses EN-
in pairs. He can't get out of breath
any more than a bellows can"
Il guess that's what's the matter
with me-" began the Idiot.
1T is" said the Doctor interrupt
ing, Il have been considering your
case lately, and l have decided that
your powers of utterance exceed your
| 49, hxya al n
which is why those brilliant remarks
| OF yours when subjected to the cold
| light of reason appear to be so sapon-
aceous-'
"Saponaceous? demanded the Bib
! liomaniac. You mean spontaneous,
don't you?''
mo, don't" said the Doctor. II
mean saponaceous, sudsy, as it were.
| Froth--"
Healthy, invigorating, cleansing
where there's life there's SOAP said
| the Idiot That's what he means, Mr..
| Brief, and thank him for the tribute.
Doc, you are a good fellow. III give
| you an antiseptic hand-shake after
| breakfast. But you haven't answered
my question, how have you all been for
! the past ten days?"
| "Bissfully at rest" observed the
Lawyer. owing to your absence we
| have drank our coffee unsweetened by
| persiffage, eaten our breakfast unbut-
| tered by sciolistical sagacity, swallow
ed our prunes unsoused by the skim
milk of your philosophy"
And dipped the cold toast of your
| wisdom into the steaming depths OF
your own repartee-cups?' put in the
Idiot. We'll, I've had IL good time, too.
! Been off in the country getting in three
| days of good, wholesome out of door
life with my friend Binks. If it hadn't
been for the baby-talk of the Binks
| family / should have returned to town
! absolutely refreshed in body and
| spirit
THE what kind of talk of the Binks
family?" asked Mr.. Whitechoker.
"Baby-talk Baby-taIk," said the
idiot. "The Binks family is one of the
sweetest. happiest little families of ten
| you ever encountered, but 1t will talk
| Baby-talk and it got on my nerves.
If ever get into Congress I'm going to
introduce a bill making it an offence
against the federal government for
| mothers, nurses, fathers, anybody to
teach youngsters baby-taIk. For babies
it isn't so very objectionable-in fact
it is very sweet indeed to hear their
lovely little voices wrestling with the
Technology of the English language.
but when they let it strike in and be-
come the accepted speech of the fam
| lily from Grandma down to one year
old Reginald, then it should be prohib-
tied by legislative enactment"
II have no use for babies anyhow"
said Mr.. Brief.
"Then you ought to be ashamed of
yourself" retorted the Idiot. I'm every
baby lies the germ of future client,
and a lawyer who has no use for them
| is an outrageously ungrateful critter.
| l think they're bully, and l wouldn't
mind owning a houseful of them, but
| the language they use is perfectly
| dreadful when 1t becomes a habit"
| "Were-ah--your friend Binks ba-
| bies profane?" asked the Biblioma-
| MAC.
Not Intentionally so" said the Idiot.
'"They may be said to have inspired 1t
| in me rather than to have actively and
| aggressively used it for their own pur-
| poses-or rather the family did. 1
| didn't mind a bit when a buxom little
| red-cheeSed tot of two came toddling
up to my knee, and after it chewed
! my watch for Il couple of minutes
| asked, Is 90 de Idiot my papa's brung-
ed up on e drate bid choo-choo tar
! for me to pay wiv? l just Rugged
! him up and told him he was. 1t SEEM
| ed like a very sweet welcome. There's
! nothing in the world child is fonder
of than his toys, outside of his parents
and brothers and sisters, of course,
] ana 10 ne let lHlO lne IdDllly clIClo
| on the basis of something to be play
| cd with was the very essence of COR
diallty. Nor did I object when a lit
| tie girl of five informed me that she
| was dom to have a dollikins wiz yell
! iY hairses on it's head wiz eyes OATS
| full o. real tearses. Beyond the fact
that l knew she was deceiving herself,
| / didn't mind. But the business
didn't stop there. Blnks himself talk
| ed baby-talk. Mrs. Binks talked baby
talk. The Grandmother and the house
! maid talked baby-talk, and l haven't
any doubt that If ! had gone down into
the kitchen I'd have found an Irish
cook talking baby-talk with a brogue
1t got so that on the morning 1 left
when l rang for my hot water to shave
with l instinctively asked the maid to
'bwing me a drate bid pitcher o. hot
water so vat / tould shavey-wavey my
pink cheeky-weekys.' I never was so
mortified in my life"
Il am inclined to think such a
method of expression, my dear Idiot,
is quite suited to your IDEAS" said the
Lawyer with a laugh.
How did it happen that the Binkses
fell into such a strange habit?" asked
the Bibliomaniac. Il can understand
the babies talking that way, but the
grown members Of the family-that
seems peculiar.
'Oh 1t was natural enough the way
1t came about" explained the Idiot
you see the Binkses have never been
first one arrived. They've been mar
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