The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1904-04-03


A lake of mud ten feet deep,
VI crossing there IS no sign,
Vanish from view when you leap.
Dyspepsia Tablets.
That Paris decision appears to bring
the canal project down 70 a question
of digging.
Evidently former Senator Pettigrew
wants everybody 10 know he is bound
TO the Democratic party by a slender
thread The severing of the bond would
not be likely 10 cause general distress.
Nevertheless. there is reason to be-
lieve the Uintah reservation Will be
opened some time.
one cannot but wonder If District At
torney Summers of Nebraska would
have been promoted had he disobeyed
instructions from Washington and
failed to begin the prosecution of Diet
rich.
Not having a clear understanding OF
the Union Pacific situation them
selves. the Wall street brokers viii be
careful to invest only their clients
money in that security for a while.
Having taken a whack at the canal,
the postoffice. the interior department,
the White House stable, the soldiers
homes, the geOdetic survey. etc. the
Democratic congressman will proceed 70
take up the next case. which is
But if Heinze hadn't had the $4,000
the thing would have been no josh.
Now that Japan has claimed a foul
in the case of the steamer Hanyei Mart
the Russian stock ought to go up.
When your lights go out you may
know that an extra street car has been
put on.
It frequently happens in politics that
you don't know a man is in a race until
he announces his withdrawal. Gorman's
home paper please copy.
NOwAjf we can only come out on the
baseball games in the same shape we
came out on the schedule, it viii be
quite lovely.
The notable thing about the GOODS
in Montana is that it is water that is
flowing.
If the convention Of postmasters real
~ does adjourn without talking poll
tics the occasion will be sufficiently re-
markable to deserve a place in history.
The Man About Crazy.
I am informed that the mayor has
refused to adopt my suggestion in re-
gard to Liberty park, and it looks very
much as if the park would not receive
coat of varnish for another year at
least. Morris is too fresh. His parti-
zanship has already begun 20 pail upon
the members of his party. 1t palled
on me two weeks ago.
Said we'll known politician TO The
Man About Crazy yesterday: The
crushing defeat administered to the
Smootites at the primaries Thursday
evening will have the effect of giving
these miserable men an additional at
Fiction in the shape of acceleration of
the enthusiasm" 1 am inclined TO
agree with him.
At last a solution Of the smoke nuis-
ance has been discovered by The Man
About Crazy, and If the mayor now
refuses to abate this terrible pest L
shall refuse to vote for him next time
and will urge my frienda TO say mean
things about him. The solution was
brought to me by a we'll known tObac~
conist Of the city. This gentleman has
made a careful study of the smoke
question in Salt Lake and says it VIII
be solved just as soon as everybody
quits smoking. Come now, citizens,
chew upl and help The Man About
Crazy in his noble work Of putting
down the smoke evil.
=
to find here in Salt Lake many people
who eat their food with fork. This Is
a practice which should be at once dis
continued If Salt Lake is ever to take
rank with the leading cities OF the coun-
try in the matter of table manners. Use
the knife more, citizens! Use the knife.
The Man About Crazy learns that
the vox pOpuli Of our city one and all
heartily favor an old-fashioned observ-
ance of Easter with turkey. nuts and
mistletoe. Family trees win be found
in nearly every home. This is very well
and The Man About Crazy is glad to
note this spirit of adherence to the old
Hindu custom. Vox pOpuIi, vox basin
ski
Eggs viii likely be used by such as
tdlti dllOTu the luxury ms year FOR
those who cannot afford eggs but still
desire to make a showing, The Man
About Crazy presents the following
clever substitute for eggs, which has
the merit of being cheap and at the
same time costing little: One pound
bOrax, one ounce yellow ochre, one pint
tallOw, one teacup saltpeter. FIVE ounces
charcoal, half pound sulphur; mix
thoroughly and have a neighbor drop
a live coal in the dish after you have
caught a car. Your neighbor will never
use eggs after trying this.
o, wad some power tn giftie gi' us
To know if spring is really WI u.s.
Loves Tokens.
SOMETHING GOOD COMING UP.
(Salt Lake Tribune)
The breakfast Food" man will now at
tempt TO unload his burden of spring
poetry.
AUTHORS CASE HOPELESS.
(Salt Lake Tribune)
It is not at all difficult to understand
that the author" OF the Breakfast