Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1904-09-22
STORIETTEs.

Tammany Leader Tom Dunn mee
John b Mcdonald, the builder OF the
iundersf osmd rapid transit road at the
Central Park Casino, the other night.
rHe1lo. john" said Dunn: "when are
yon going to start up that tunnel
game OF yonrsT in September" said
Mcdonald, nonchalantly. what
year2- asked Dunn.
Rutherford Corbin, in personal rec.
objections of Secretary Taft, pub.
hshed In Harper's Weekly, tells OF
being In San Francisco with Taft one
Easter Sunday and putting in the
whole day with him and a member of
his star named Wilson In translating
cipher message from Washington.
He says that the fact that young
Wilson was missing an engagement
with O lady seemed to Taft such a
fine piece of humor as to obliterata
the tedium Of the task.
Sir Conan Doyle recently told a
story of an English officer who was
badly wounded in South Africa, and
the military surgeon had to shave
OF that portion of his brains which
protruded from his skull The officer
got well, and later on in London the
surgeon asked whether he knew that
portion of his brain was in glass
bottle in a laboratory. "Oh, that does
not matter now" replied tho soldier;
I've got a permanent position in the
war Office"
According to Congressman Wade,
or Iowa, young MAJ once took
sack OF corn to an old-fashioned mill
To have 1t ground into meal The
mill was fearfully slow, only a tiny
stream OF meal trickling out. At last
the young man became impatient.
and complained to the miller. do
you know" he said Il could eat that
meal faster than your old mill can
grind it." YES" replied the miller,
but how long could you keep on
eating it?" Until starved" was tho
conclusive answer Of the young man.
After the jury in Texas case had
listened to the charge OF the court
and gone to their room to deliberate
upon the verdict, one OF the twelve
men went right to the point by say
ing: THAT thar Pike Muldrow orter
to BIO convicted on gen'ral principles.
He's bad as they make 'em." AS the
hum of approval went around, a weaz-
ened little juror said: 81 heerd that
Pike guy It out that he'd go gunnin'
fur us IL We sent him UP, jes' soon's
he got out, an fur the jedge, too"
I'VE must perfect the jedge," they
agreed, and the verdict was mot
guilty."
1t Ia said that when President Polk
visited Boston he was impressiyely
received at Faneuil Hall Market.
Secretary Rhodes walked In front OF
him down the length of tho market,
announcing In loud tones: Mako
way, gentlemen, for the President OF
the United States! The President OF
tho United States! Fellow citizens,
make room!" The chief executive had
stepped into one of the stalls to look
at some game, when Mr.. Rhodes, the
secretary, turning around suddenly,
and finding himself alone, promptly
changed his tone, and exclaimed:
My gracious, whore has that darned
IDIOT got TOT"
Colonel Cleary was a noted charac.
ter In Chicago a quarter OF century
ago. In his latter days he got to be-
quite a society man. One evening at
a reception he noticed a beautiful
girl, and on inquiry found that her
name was O'Brlen. "Bedad," he said
70 his host, Il know her! Introduce
me-" That formaity having been
gone through with, the old colonel
declared to the young lady: "Your
aame Is O'Brien and your mother was
Flannery." YES" Miss oBrien as.
sented. well! well! WE'LL" tho col.
Onel exclaimed; IAN that's strange.
Dye know, young lady, that fist
swInty-wan year ago ] came In wan
. beln' your father?"
A story showing the incorruptibil.
tty of the London Times Is told with
Tal figure. Churchill had made up
ais mind to resign. It was a great
piece of news, and Churchill. on
going to Buckle, the editor of the
Times, felt justified In thinking that
The paper would maintain q friendly
attitude toward him In exchange for
Ihe exclusive information. Mr..
Buckle informed him that the papers
attitude toward him would continue
70 be unfriendly. But for such
piece of news" exclaimed Lord Ran
iolph, why, there Is not another pa
Der In England but would be grate-
hui" "That Is true" replied Mr..
Buckle, "but the Times can not be-
ribbed"
Representative Hull, Of Iowa, sent
some garden seeds to constituent
asst spring. They came from the
Department of Agriculture and were
nclosed in one of the regular ranked
government envelopes. On the corner
Of each of these envelopes appears
This legand: Penalty for private use
b300."A few days later Hull received
letter from his constituent, which
read: Dear Mr.. Hull: I don't know
what to do about those garden seeds
You sent me. | notice it Is $500 fine
Tor private use. don't want to use
them for the public. | want to plant
Them in my private garden. can't
afford to pay $500 for the privilege.
Won't you see IL you can't fix it so
can use them privately, for l am
taw-abiding citizen and do not want
10 commit any crime"
The Reason Why.
Drummond, Wis, Sept. 10 Especially