davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1904-10-28
Six Doctors Failed.

South Bend, Ind. Oct. "a (SpeciaD
After suffering from Kidney Disease
for three years; after taking treat
ment from six different doctors with
out getting relief. Mr.. ]. o. Laudeman
of this place found not only relief but
speedy and complete cure in Dodd's
Kidney Pills. Speaking of his cure
Mr.. Laudeman says:
Yes, | suffered from Kidney
Trouble for three years and tried six
doctors to no good. Then | took just
two boxes of Dodd's Kidney Pills and
they not only cured my kidneys, but
gave me better health in general. or
course recommended Dodd's Kidney
Pills to others and | know number
now who are using them with good re-
suits"
Mr.. Laudeman's case is not an e1-
ception. Thousands give similar ex-
periences. For there never yet was a
case of Kidney Trouble from Backache
to Brights Disease that Dodd's Kid
ney Pills could not cure. They are
the only remedy that ever cured
Bright's disease.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1904-10-28
His Specialtv.

One of the stories attributed to An.
drew Carnegie, dealing with the fol.
bles and weaknesses of his country.
men, concerns an old Scotch lady who
provided a Glasgow workman with a
plentiful dinner-plentiful, that is, as
far as the solids were concerned, but
woefully scanty in the supply of the
national stimulant. The mans appe.
tite did not seem to be up to the mark,
and the old lady reproached him with
his lack of ability as trencherman.
AYE, men," he said; its over true
that | Gamma eat muckle, but it wad
do yer heart guild tae sac me drink
New York Times.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1904-10-28
STUDYING Celtic Language.

The Pan-Celtic Congress, In session
at Carnarvon, Wales, recently, is
conglomeration of several gatherings,
chief of which is the great Welsh Els
teddfod. Ireland has two annual Gel
tic Interchangeable Oireachtas and the
Feis Cecil. The Highlands OF Scot
land has a Mod, and Brittany also
keeps its Celtism aflame at an annual
assembly. Mainland has no such as
sembly, but the study of the Gaelic Is
being encouraged in various ways,
while even in Cornwall, where the use
of the Language that was spoken in
Eden" has died out altogether, there
are enthusiasts who are trying to in
augurate renaissance.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1904-10-28
MADE RICH BY LUCKY FIND.
One OF Many Remarkable Gold DIS
coveries in New Zealand.

One of the most remarkable Soiu
discoveries of which there is any rec
ord in New Zealand has been made in
the Mokihinui district by Albert Win
ter. the son of billposter in North
Shields, England.
The discovery was made in a re-
markable way. Mr.. Winter stopped
at the edge of creek to pick up a
piece of stone to throw at woodhen
and in doing so he noticed that the
stone was gold-bearing quartz.
Promptly he returned to the town,
took out his miners rights and with
his mate pegged off claims on the
ground, and subsequently sold out his
interest for G75,00O.
Albert Winter, who is thirty years
of age left South Shields nearly four
years ago as a stoker on the steamer
Ilford. Some months later the ship
arrived at Melbourne and Winter left
her there.
For some time afterward his family
knew nothing of his whereabouts, but
a short time ago they received letter
from him. The letter was written
from Grannity Creek, near West Port,
New Zealand, and at that time ap'
parently he was working at the mines.
That presumably was before he made
his rare stroke of luck.
This is one of the biggest gold finds
ever made in New Zealand. Mr.. Win
ter Is now on his way home.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1904-10-28

Dancer in Too Much Speed.

Chauncey Depew credits one of his
latest stories to an employee of the
Vanderbilt lines who once attended an
Jld-fashioned camp meeting. The
brethren and sisters were giving their
experiences, each in the language OF
his own craft. First sailor got up
and told how he was going to heaven
at the rate of twenty knots an hour,
before a fair wind. He was followed
by railroad man, who told how he
was on the way to heaven on per.
fectly ballasted track, behind the new
est type of engine, and was making
sixty miles an hour including stops.
Finally, a decrepit old woman got up.
Brothers and sisters" she said, Il
have been walking there for the last
twenty years, and my rheumatism Is
so bad that can't walk very fast.
But, brothers and sisters, let some Of
these fast goers look out or I'll get
there first. They may bust their
b'ilers if they crowd on too much
steam. New York Times.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1904-10-28

The hurried bachelor who exchanges
q little piece of Manila paper. covered
with cabalistic and terrifying blots
and strokes, for his shirts and collars
in a Chinese laundry, has an inherent
conviction that Chinese is the most
difficult language to acquire. If he
ever does give it thought, it is more
than probable that he has satisfied
himself that given the brief space of
1000 years and comfortable resi-
dence on a desert island, so that his
attention would not be distracted, he
might learn to count up to 100 in the
language in which is enshrined the
analects of Confucius and other mas
terpieces of Eastern literature. To
be told that there is way by which
"Chinese is made easy" is likely to
prove too much for his credulity.
While undeniably there would be a
fascination in being able to know what
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1904-10-28

They were discussing various men
at the Players club when William
Norris remarked that some actors
legs were too short.
THAT can't be- said one listener.
Abraham Lincoln said that a mans
legs should be long enough to reach
the ground. Blanks legs do that all
right"
81 hardly think So" said Mr.. Norris,
che is up in the air good share OF
the time"
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1904-10-28
E-EPiOO

those strange combinations of strokes
on Chinese laundry ticket mean, yet
no one is likely to take up the study
of language to crafty satisfaction
so unfrutful. That there is genuine
value in knowledge of the Chinese
language is vouched for by DR.. Wal.
ter Brooks Brouner, of Columbia uni
versity, and Fung Yuet Now, Chinese
missionary in New York City, in their
volume, just published by the Mac
milan company, entitled Chinese
Made Easy"
ease with which spoken Chinese may
be acquired, for it must be understood
that there Is difference between the
spoken and the written languages,
take, for example, the word hand. In
German we must remember whether
the word hand be of masculine, femi-
nine or neuter gender; in French,
Spanish or Italian we must recall
whether the word be of masculine or
feminine gender; whereas in Chinese,
I'D III CuSlloup Oil W. hSCu puAuSh ouA
memory with is the word hand, which,
in Cantonese Chinese, is SOW. Once
learned, the word sow is irrevocably
fixed in our memory. The simplicity
of such language is at once self-evi-
dent when we are told that words have
neither gender nor declension; that
verbs have no conjugation (and may
be either active, transitive, neuter, or
even casuaD; that the language is
composed mainly of monosyllabic
words. which are really root ideas;
and that word may be used either
as noun, verb, adverb or conjunc-
ton, depending simply on the context
or as the exigencies of the surround
ing words demand.
The Chinese have never constructed
a grammar for their language as we
understand a grammar, but the Ian
guage does adhere to certain forms In
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1904-10-28

the use of speech, which are necessary
to speak and write the language cor
rectly. The Chinese language is with
out an alphabet. but for the purposes
of grading. the number of strokes in
sign, which is word, to some ex-
tent fix its place in the lessons, which
begin with "yot." which means lone" "
and the sign for which is a single
horizontal stroke. When it is cOnsid-
cred that some English words con-
tain large number of letters, there
are few Chinese word signs with over
twenty strokes, although the word
sign "Jarn," meaning ito praise" con-
tains twenty.six. but if 1t is used as
seldom by the Chinese as it is by the
English-speaking peoples it is no hard
ship to write it.
To express the seasons and years it
will be found the Chinese are poeti-
cal. Next year is bright year." New
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1904-10-28

ranged according to the number OF
strokes required to make them, which
is, in a sense, equivalent to being al
phabetically arranged in English.
There are six styles of Chinese writ
ing. First, the fanciful sun shu," q
form found in bronze tablets. on por-
celains, ETC.; second. the die shu,"
or the plain style. This square form
of writing was formerly used for Of
fetal purposes. Third, the guy shu,"
or pattern style, the model of good
writing. Fourth, the harm shu," a
stiff running" hand, used in business.
Fifth, the "cho shu," or free running
hand. an abbreviation of the harm
shu," or a kind of shorthand, which
is not always Ineligible to an edu-
Gated Chinese, and sixth, the ''soong
shu," the elegant form, the charac-
tiers used in printing.
Chinese characters are also divided
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1904-10-28
TWO oRAcEs HELD SUFFICIENT.
Third Was Sawed OF by Order Of
Prejudiced Stage Manager.


That's cheerful trio" said
Charles Walter Brown, author of revo-
lutionary hero biographies, to his
brother-in-law, William Evarts, actor.
Yes, three graces, so to speak"
returned Evarts.
They were on Van Buren, street
car and passing some kind Of medi-
cal shop where three skeletons in the
window seemed to be quite happy to-
gether. The grim relics accorded
with Sidney Smiths friends idea.
who wished in hot weather that he
could take off his flesh and let the
cool breezes whistle through his
bones.
"of manager l once knew who had
some dealings with the three graces.
A star was going to act in my friends
theater. against whom he was per-
haps prejudiced. In the play was a
scene in which the three graces were
to appear as set piece under an
arch. The set piece was too wide
for the arch, and the stage carpenter
went to the manager for advice. The
carpenter told the manager all about
the situation and said that the star
was insistent about the three graces.
"Never mind him." said the manag
er. you saw off one Of them graces
and set two under the arch. Two
graces is enough for him, anyhow
Chicago Record Herald.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1904-10-28
The Dying Skeeter.

She was just a widowed skeeter.
But she'd done the best she could,
And her 80 600, 900 children
Sadly round her deathbed stood;
And they sobbed to see her passing,
Deeply, dutifully, too.
AS in unison they muimured,
Bz-z-z-z, buz-z-Z-it! buZ -z-Z-it! buzz o!
"Chldren," said the feeble mother.
You are all l have to-day;
You are only S0.000,000,
And the world is cold and gray.
Can you find the luscious fever
Or malaria to chew
When my skeetlings have no mother -
Oh. buZZ-it! buZ-Z--it! buz-o-o-o-o!
See. my 10000 900 offspring.
How increasingly I've tried
To concur with Mr.. Roosevelts
Views on racial suicide;
Yet with kerosene they hunt me.
AS they'll hunt my children. too
Observation-Disclosures world-forever-
l am dying-buZ- 1874, buz-z-oo!
And the So 900, 900 skeeters
Hand in hand together flew
Through the lonely Jersey marshes,
Swearing battle to renew.
by the precept of our mother.
Brothers, let us die and do,
Leaving twelve quintilion grandsons-.
Bz-z-Z-z. buz-Z-it. buZ-Zit! buzz -o!"
New York Commercial Advertiser.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1904-10-28
Manitoba's Wheat Crop.

Taken as whole, reports indicate
an average damage of under 10 per
cent in the wheat crop of Manitoba
this year. The average yield is nine
teen bushels to the acre, and the ay-
erage date of general harvesting was
August 81. There were approximately
100000 acres cultivated, so the total
yield is estimate dat about 65,OOO,OO0
bushels. This is the estimate made
about week ago by the Bankers as
ISOLATION.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1904-10-28

Hodge (who has just had tooth
drawn)-"Well, guv'nor how much do
you AK for the job? You did do oft
quick" Dentist-"My charge is two
and-siX." Hodge - "Two.andd-six7
Why, doctor down at our place
drawed tooth for me once and it took
him two hours; he hauled me round
and rounnd the roOm-I never seed
such hard work--and he only charged
me a lin'.''-Scraps.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1904-10-28

Years day is very properly, If not ele
gantly, Begin day" the four seasons
''see-see," is Four Times; last month
is up month";" and in this word will
be found what is known as "classi
] fer" The sounds for up month are
"say-ung ko yut;" the 'ko" Is a CLASH
| fer which is used in a manner SINH
lar to our "a length of rope" "piece
of business" etc, and has also its
phonetic value.
For the word mot" there are several
"ung-high" equals not is;
Jung" equals not; mo" equals not and
"but" equals not. The word high" is
used according to the context for
either lis" ut is" or are" The word
have" is sometimes inferred in SEN
tence and not expressed, as Il not
wine cup" meaning Il have no wine
glass; put to express Il have wine
or Il have" anything else, the word
"yow," meaning have" is used. If
81 have not" anything the have" is
omitted
81" me" and my" are all repre-
sented by one word, 'ugaw;" to say
mine" the possessive kay" is added
to the "ugaw,' and it becomes "ugaw-
kay" The word very" is awkwardly
expressed by "sup-fun" or ten part, al
though there is the equivalent "jo-e."
Men are male persons" the plural is
shown by the number Of men and not
by any addition excepting the CLASH
fer. Women are female person" The
lenses are represented by sign, HE
has gone away" being rendered HE
go" and sign of past tense; thus "ko-e
hoo-e he.oo (past tense signu) lar"
The query is represented by several
different signs, may" and may" be-
ing the most common ones.
A birthday in Chinese Is Give
day." or sarn yot. When the name of
a foreigner is to be expressed, it is
done so Theoretically. Thus Washing
ton, whose name is more familiar to
Chinese than is generally credited, is
expressed by the sounds whar sun
dun, which Is fairly close. The char
acters used to write these sounds
mean beauty prosper and the verb
dun, which means to bow the head.
Washington's birthday becomes in Chi
nese literally Beauty prosper to bow
the head live day." which does not
sound very impressive, but the Chi
nese appreciate the real meaning.
The word this is always expressed
as now in Chinese. For instance, this
morning is nov morning" or, in Chi
nese, "kum chee-oo.' Once thorough
ly grasped the use of the Chinese verb
is not nearly so difficult as Is the verb
in other languages. The Chinese
verbs express the idea only and I'M
dergo no change of infection on &C.
count of tense or mood. Consequently,
there is nothing like conjugation to
be remembered. To express the time
of action other words are added to the
verb, which by their presence give an
indication of the exact mood or tense.
There are the verbs ending in the
sign equivalent to gee" which means
to dwell, to live In, to rest or to stop.
Thus to sit in carriage is "chow gee
mar ebay" meaning sit to rest horse
car" the in being understood.
In writing Chinese one has hrst to
understand there are 214 radicals. ar
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1904-10-28
Pointer for Parents,

Teach the boys as well as the girls
he proper way to put the bedclothes
TO air over two chairs in the morning
md also occasionally give the boys a
lesson in simple cooking by having
them help prepare breakfast. The lad
who can make good cup of coffee,
broil a steak and serve them will lose
nothing of manliness, but may find
the knowledge useful in after life
Exchange.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1904-10-28

Col. Younghusband's men are report
ed to be suffering many hardships on
their way back from Lhassa. This Is
probably due to the fact that they are
bringing so much with them.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1904-10-28

81 must have a new gown and coat
at once" Great thunderation, woman,
how can you ask for gown and coat
when you have to testify in my bank
ruptcy hearing next week." Il simply
have to have them. Do you think |
can face the people in the courtroom
when l am wearing my old clothes3'-
indianapolis Sun.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1904-10-28

Sir William Vernon Harcourt,
though one of the most brilliant men
in England, was among his personal
acquaintances one of the least popu-
lar. It Is well to shine, but more i'm
portant to glow.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1904-10-28

An Arizona bachelor wants to know
II he will violate the law by railing
himself off at 81 a chance for $500
chances to get husband. Certainly
not. 1t has always been held that
marriage is lottery.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1904-10-28

When the Russian conductor comes
around at Tibet to collect fare he will
find John Bull with such a serene.
convincing "got on four miles back"
look about him that he will probably
mass on without disturbing him.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1904-10-28

A Judge in Connecticut sent man
who had robbed a bank Of $4,000 to
prison for five years, and gave an
eight years. term to another man
who had stolen horse. 1t is probable
that such a Judge would hang man
for stealing q chickan
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1904-10-28

Jack-"Didn't one of those Porker
girls marry an English Lord?" Mary
But they say that London So
ciety snnubbed her dreadfully." Jack
Then she must have taken
the name of the Lord in vain."-EX.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1904-10-28

Tor the man who is for peace and
prohibition, the only consolation he
can get at this time is to know that a
bottle of champagne is being smashed
every time one of these new warships
is christened.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1904-10-28

into the hieroglyphic, significative
Geographic, antithetic, metaphoricai
and phonetic. The names very aptly
describe these forms, all being the
subscribe of ancient forms which have
been modernized, and bear only
slight resemblance to their originals
philadelphia Ledger.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1904-10-28

Fond Mother-"You will be five
years old tomorrow, Willie, and want
to give you real birthday treat. Tell
me what you would like better than
anything else" Willie (after think
ing earnestly for five minutes
Bring me a whole box of chocolate
creams, mother, and ask Tommy Smith
to come in and watch me eat EN-
Youth.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1904-10-28

Our great soldiers are the most ear
nest advocates of peace. Gen. Miles
has told the peace congress that war
is terrible. Only those "jest at scars
who never felt a wound"
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1904-10-28

Those scientists who assert that
dental work may be made painless II
the patient will only look steadily at
a blue light have a lot OF things to
explain. To man with the toothache
all things look blue, and yet he keeps
the toothache.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1904-10-28

When rich mems sons spend their
money foolishly 1t gives poor men the
opportunity to accumulate great for
tunes to leave to their sons to spend
foolishly.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1904-10-28

Stick close to your desk, young man,
and some day you may be the presi-
dent of a railway company with a
chance to resign and draw salary OF
$4,000 for several years after your
resignation
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1904-10-28

A college student while absorbed in
a letter from home, walked through a
plate-glass window. He promptly
paid SIS for the pane. The letter
must have contained a remittance.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1904-10-28

Mrs. Waters (sternly)-"Is there a
bar attached to this hotel, young
MANI Bell-boy-"No'm; but we kin
send out and git any kind O. booze yer
want" -Philadelp Press.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1904-10-28
With the Minstrels.

Bones-Say, I've got something that
will tickle you.
nterlocutor-What is 1t, Mr.. Bones?
Bones-A feather.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1904-10-28

Yvette Guilbert wants to make an.
other tour in the United States. All
that is lacking to make the wish unan.
imous is the concurrence of the United
States.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1904-10-28

New York and Boston have the
champion baseball teams. Profession.
al baseball is now played mostly by
old people.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1904-10-28

Bad whisky killed fifteen persons
in New York. There are no statistics
to show how many good whisky
killed. :,
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1904-10-28

Gracie-"Oh! Stealing jam! I'm
going to tell mammal" Freddy
Wouldn't you rather have some Jan!''
-Harpers Bazaar.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1904-10-28

! Firewater, it has been grievously
demonstrated, is the most dangerous
kind of speed-making power for au.
tomobilists to employ.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1904-10-28

The st. Louis inventor who thought
he had mastered the problem of aerial
navigation Is now in the hospital with
a broken leg.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1904-10-28

Also, the theory that long engage
ments prevent divorce might be up.
held on the well-known fact that they
frequently prevent marriage.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1904-10-28
Death of Christian Worker,

John rIurdoch, IL. D., founder and
secretary of the Indian Christian Lit
erature Society, is dead at Madras,
aged IS years.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1904-10-28

Don't you know that Defiance Starch
besides being absolutely superior to
any other. Is put up 16 ounces in pack
age and sells at same price as r.
ounce packages Of other kinds?
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1904-10-28

So the young ladies Of Bryn Mawr
are not to be permitted to flirt! Per-
haps, though, they will not be forbid
den to breathe, and we shall have
them still with us.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1904-10-28

Richard Mansfield takes his pen in
hand to say that mo one is writing
and few are acting" A saving dis.
tinction.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1904-10-28

With twenty-five men dead in a
week from drinking New York whis-
ky, the Gothamites will no longer slur
Jersey lightning"
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1904-10-28

Mr.. Rockefeller is a conspicuous ex.
ample Of what man can achieve by
close attention to business after he
has passed the age Of IS.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1904-10-28
Oldest Man in the World.

Thomas Harte, an Irishman in
Leeds workhouse, England, believes
he is 187 years old and the Oldest man
In II : world.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1904-10-28

Perhaps the members of that Amish
colony who insist that the earth Is
flat had been to see a minstrel show.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1904-10-28

Hundreds Of dealers say the extra
quantity and superior quality of De-
fiance Starch Is fast taking place or
all other brands. Others say they can
not sell any other starch.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1904-10-28

Dealers say that as soon as a cus-
toner tries Defiance Starch 1t is i'm
possible to sell them any other cold
water starch. 1t can be used cold or
boiled
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1904-10-28

The moving machine knocked out
the farmers scythe and the racing
machine Is after Deaths,
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1904-10-28

By all means, let the scientists ESQ
late" the pneumonia germ. II posi-.
BILE, give It q life sentence.