Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1904-09-24
UP TO-DATE METHODS

were the gems he wore.
I'm the old NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. era
OF the auctioneering business" he said. I'VE
used to have to tell them revamped alma
nae stories of ante-colonial vintage, and
coddle them and jolly them along. and
throw mental fipfiaps, handsprings and
somersaults just to get them together and
keep them inside. When we got them inside,
II we didn't want to lock the doors on them
and have run-ins with the fire department
In consequence. we had to tell them jokes
that the Chaldeans knew, and call attention
to the bad haircut and the minated eyes
OF the capper we employed for the purpose.
and make Cherry sisters of ourselves IN
general to keep them from edging toward
the door when they thought we weren't
looking, and making their escape. And we
had to eat troches by the gross to keep our
voices In gear long enough to get them to
bid. And we had to lie until we were
blacker than King Menelek. in the ancient
red-fag -and-bell-ringing era. But the dis
coveries In modern psychological science"
Psychology and auctioneeripg-whats
the Connection ventuerd the listener
'The connection Is as intimate as that
between pestle and mortar" replied the
hypnotist- auctioneer. Modern psychology
cal science has simply elevated US from the
rank of buffoons, mountebanks. to that of
commercial virtuosi, so that now. instead
Of wheedling and jollying them, we hypno-
tie them"
THAT sounds SIMPLE" said the listener
Hypnotic Them" went on the auc-
tfoneer. 1--WE hypnotic them into bidding
on anything we want them to bid on.
whether they want it or not. We'd just a
leetle bit rather hypnotic them into bidding
on something they've no use for whatever,
to sort of get hunk, as 1t were, for the long
years during which they did as they pleased.
And It's good practice. too. to make them
bid on things they don't want or need.
Moreover, hypnotizing auctioneering. vast
as its strides have been, is yet, Of course,
IN an early stage of development, and so
we like to experiment on difficult cases."
And the method?" suggested the listener.
Simplest thing In life.' went on the auc-
tioneer, expansively. "Pick out your man.
transport him to Poppyville by the hyp-
MOTTO ,l route-get his eye. that is. and make
him yours; own him. Then put up the ar
t1cle you want to make him buy. Make him
DID on 1t. When you've got him under way
pick out another man. Corral him with
your hypnotic eye, possess him. Make him
bid against No. 1. Keep them at 1t until
you think they've gone far enough-it
doesn't do to completely impoverish a SUBJ
Ject all at once, you see. Then knock the
article down to whichever of the two you
like the looks Of most or feel the most sym
easyi"
And the hypnotist auctioneer smiled
a aiy and felt OF large sapphire-and
diamond scarf pin.
Had a good case no later than yester-
DAY, ne went on. WAS selling off the
household effects of a well-to man who
Il! Is, leaving washington. He sent me down
his stuff to auction off for him. Among his
Things was mighty poor-looking bass VOL
don't know how this well-to-do citizen
ever happened to get hold of bass viol,
all the same.
-, Now. before I graduated from the back
nip auctioneer to the commercial hypno-
ts.., class ia have looked at that old bass
t1 nopelessly for ten minutes or so. and
then I'd have bought it in myself for so
cents and have had wheels put on 1t, and
gwen II to my kids for a toy wagon. In
tnose dark days I'd have had Just about
as much show to get rid of it as fellow'd
have to work off a secondhand ice ma
chine in Spitzbergen. But as soon az 7
capped eyes on that old bullfrog of a ma
cHlne' says to myself. Here's the chance
OF nfetime to practice, for of all the
chattels on earth or in the waters beneath
the earth that no sentient human being
would want to buy at an auction sale, its
bass viol.' -
well, l pushed along with the sale, let
ting bidders I'd hypnotized down nrettv
light, and not making them take mani
Things they didn't want, for felt pretty
generous yesterday morning, and / was
waiting all the time for a hard man to
come In before putting up that bass vioI 7
wanted man with a cold steeIy eve and
ness. ~ o'iou'-
Ill, MY man came in just when I wanted
him. I'd just hypnotized an aged colored
woman into bidding in. for 81 80, a second
hand Peggy from Paris bag, when the man
wanted to unload the Goliath violin IN
came car IN. He was sixty. we'll dressed, NUT
ton-chop-whiskered, and he looked lilo
human flint A0oNeo linz
says to myself. old boy. you've got
ABOUT as much use for secondhand bass
l naale as as you have for a gilded milking
STOOL out you're a-going to buy a second
Eand bass fiddle right now, and you're a.
going TO dig deep for 1t, at that
ne stood IN the rear of the crowd, but l
mac nad n, him l., Syengalied in no time. Then 1
b-uH about it's being grownun Crerons
or an adult Stradivarius or a member of
the species Guarnarius Giganticus. I inst
put 1t up and continued to Ancient Mariner
my hfnty man, who looked mean and hard
enough to give his wife 81 for marketing in
the morning and ask her for IS cents
change In the evening
MY ventriloquist assistant at my signal
ed suggestions opened the game with q
bid of $50 for the bass fiddle 1 directed a
shrivellng glance at him, and he shriveled
as per prearranged program. 1 kept my
Alc1biades hypnotic lamps or my victim all
the time, and when he blurted out a *
raise l knew I had him. 1 shot a YOU
WI ong-me look at him, and he uualed NV
ventriloquist assistant went him ten better
and my man, who looked mean enough to
use laundry collar buttons suuirmed but
heaved an invisible wink at my booster
and he went it another s.. Then I gave the
final magical stare at my wriggling friend
with the muttonchop siders, and waited
The wait only lasted three seconds. My
power hung in the balance. 1t was to be
the supreme test
Sixty dollars!' he yelled, like a man
Offering that much to some fellow to save
him from drowning, and-'Knocked down
for $50 to the gentleman in the rear who
will kindly step this way says l. VIC
.toriously.
HE walked up. I still had him in the
trance. He gave up his $50. I didn't want
to release him. snap him awake, turn him
loose, until after he had shed the coin, you
see. After he'd paid over the $50 gently
waved him Free and he came to with the
rush of a winning horse in driving nose
and-nose finish. He had the bass fiddle by
the neck with both hands, and you'd have
enjoyed seeing him look at it. He looked
at 1t as If he was saying to himself What's
this I've got hold Of? Do belong to the
Home for Incurables or don't ~
But he was game, and he pulled himself
together
do you play on it. sir? I inquired OF
him. cordially.
PLAY on it,? he shouted at me- No. 1
do not play on It! Do look like a con-
founded Adding
ooh says I. 7 see. You're going to
teach your little girls to play on it. Great
fad in Europe just now, teaching little
girls to play the bass viol-'