The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1904-03-06
by Mcclure, Phillips & Coz
=IIEPE mara two lanes DiSnnS-

Copyright by Mcclure, Phillips & Coz
HEPE were two James Disons-
one of eminent responsibility In
a small city of the Empire state,'
and the other zone Of the boys" in the
naughty city of New York. These two
gentlemen possessed a metaphysical
identity with each other and alternate
existence. When James Olson of the
little city went to the metropolis to
purchase goods, James Olson of the
naughty city received his letters and
answered them; in particular, letters
from Mrs. Olson of the little city, in re-
ply to which he insisted, very properly,
on his eagerness to return to the de-
lights of her society, and added certain
instructions demonstrating that even
during his absence his thoughts were
Of the moral welfare Of that comnu-
nifty. In return for these courtesies in
the metropolis, when James Olson of
the small city revisited his accustomed
office it was his practice to sign and
forward to the naughty city certain
checks in payment of bills which his
metaphysical double had contracted.
One evening James Olson Of the
naughty city found himself possessed
of a roll of "greenbacks' and of a hand
some watch, which bore a striking re-
Semblance to a gift officially and ora
torically presented in February, IS,
by the Chamber of Commerce and the
Bankers association of the other city
to their eminent and universally hon
ored and esteemed fellow citizen,
James Olson" The roll of greenbacks
James Olson of the naughty city d.
minished from time to time in the
course OF the evening with the manner
and gesture of never-mind- the change.
The watch he consulted toward 6
o'clock in the morning with an intel
lectual intensity and decided that he
had made night Of it and would take
a Turkish bath, When he had emerged
from the bath and had breakfast. he
remembered that he had an appoint
ment in Newark at the hour of 10 and
that the ideal way to go to that place Is
to take the trolley, which he did.
Burke Ryan was a gentleman who
took his fun where he found it and to
whom the universe owed a living. In
the intervals Of his pleasures he col
lected what the universe owed him;
and if he discovered it for the most
part in the pockets of other people, SO
much the worse-for the other people.
A man has a right to his own.
AT the time when James Olson was
making a night of it, Burke Ryan saw
his watch chain, and surmised his
watch, and took stock Of his roll of
bills and his manner and gesture of
never mind the change.
When Olson entered the bath house,
Burke also entered it. He had not
wanted a. Turkish bath, but he took
one. What he really wanted was Sto
touch the little sum which was COM
ing to him and to go to bed. When
Olson fingered at breakfast, Burke also
fingered at breakfast, though with a
growing Impotence at the prolix ETH
quette of modern times.
When Olson entered the trolley car
Burke also entered it and took place
beside him, although he had no bust
ness whatever in the city to which
that gentleman was going. When Di-
son slept his watch transferred itself
to .Burkes waistcoat; when Olson
woke he discovered in his trousers
POCKET the two longest and deftest fin
gers of Burke's right hand. Burke was
at once so obliging as to Withdraw the
fingers and with them the remnant of
Dison's roll of bills
Olson seized Burke by the shoulder
and spoke his mind with vigor and
1diolM. There were two women and
twenty men in the car. The two wom-
en- expressed the judgment Of their
sex upon the situation inarticulately,
each, at the top of her voice; the TWEEN
ty men with one impulse lurched to-
ward Burke. Burke produced a re-
markedly handsome razor, to which he
called Dison's attention and the at
tention of everyone in the car
Everybody, Olson in particular,
evinced a sudden interest in reaching
the street; they fell over themselves
in their eagerness; the women forgot
even to scream, and one of them for
got the way to the door and used the
window. The last to desert his place
was the motorman, whom Burke's ap-
proach seemed to aff1ict with acute in
sanity. AS preliminary to jumping
off he turned on the full current, and
when the car bounded forward at full
speed he leaped. He did not wait to
hold by the handles and steady himself
before his feet touched the ground
he just naturally got off and did gym
nastics. When he was picked up after
ward he explained that he had been in
hurry.
stop thief" yelled the chorus in
the road.
Go to hell" grinned Burke.
Find a telephone" said one of the
crowd, while another called on man
on a bicycle to catch the car" and
explained that there was a thief on it
When they explained also the nature
of the thief and of his company the
bicyclist guessed he was tired and thai
they might catch the car themselves
IF any of you gentlemen wants the
loan of my wheel, he can have it," he
said generously; but for me-today's
Friday; it's always bad luck for me
to catch stolen trolleys on Friday!'
None of the gentlemen wanted the loar
of his wheel.
Burke left the trolley soon. In from
of the one house visible stood horse
and buggy, which he halted the car t.
borrow, saying that he needed them il
his business. A minute afterward hi
had disappeared.