davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1904-10-29
Proof Positive.

Smithby--I know | need glasses.
Oculist-How do you know?
Smithby-Because last night | was
reading a newspaper and | couldn't
tell whether or not certain word
was building" or "blinding."
Oculist-. Which did it turn out to
he?
Smithby-It turned out to be bull
dog. Judge
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1904-10-29
Classifying Him.

I'D have you know, sir said the
pompous city chap on vacation in the
country, that | work with my head
instead of with my hands
"Haw!" exclaimed the honest far
mer. Il lowed at first that yew wuz
a jay, but accordin' tew yore state
ment, yew must be a woodpecker, b
GOSH"
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1904-10-29
Mrs, Cumrox in Error.

What are you studying now?"
asked Mrs. CumroX.
I'VE have taken up the subject OF
molecules" answered her son.
IL hope you will be very attentive
ard practice constantly. ! tried to
get your father to wear one, but he
couldn't make 1t stay in his eye"
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1904-10-29
Not His Place,

The train robbers had the conductor
down.
Quarter! Quarter" he shouted.
Not bit of it," roared the leader
of the masked men. THE Pullman
porter is the only one on this train
who has any right to demand a quar-.
ter"
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1904-10-29
An Afterthouuht,

Il never saved a penny before
was married." said the sadeyed man.
who was surrounded by a group of
women.
They beamed upon him gratefully.
And yet | always managed to keep
out of debt" he sighed as an after
thought.
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1904-10-29

Note-The following article has
been widely published and is one Of
the most remarkable Illustrations of
the value of careful marshalling and
analysis of facts in presenting a sub
loot TO the nnhlic.
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1904-10-29
The Bachelors View.

Miss Passay still protests that she
hasn't reached the right age to mar
ry," said Miss Pert.
We'll, she's about right replied
the savage bachelor.
What do you consider the proper
age to marry?'
"Dotage, of course"
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1904-10-29

The news that King Edward will set
tho fashion Of wearing knee breeche5
does not bring much joy to the man
whose legs look as though they mad
been shaped over flour barrel.
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1904-10-29

The report that a surgical operation
was necessary to compel Russell Sage
TO pay out $3.50 to settle a lawsuit is
ill-founded. 1t was merely a case of
paying $3.50 or $4,000.
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1904-10-29
EaIse Alarm.

Mrs, CrOssway-I think your hus.
band Is the most attentive man |
ever
Mrs Strongmnd - Attentive? To
whom?
Mrs. Crossway-To you, of course.
who else?
Mrs. Strongmind Canning HERSELF
He'd better be-
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1904-10-29

Ragson Tatters-Dese is mighty
hard times, amt dey?
Hungry Hawkes-Dats wat dey
are, Ragsie, old man. So many PEG.
pie is offcrin' me work when | asks
fur grub dat I'm runnin out of ex.
cuses.
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1904-10-29

He-Will you-O, will you be mine
forever?
She Mercy, no! just accepted
ChClly Saphedde last night.
He-What! Has all your encour-
agement to me meant nothing Of af-
lection?
She--Oh, assure you it has meant
a good deal In fact, | don't know
how I'd have managed without you.
You see, until you came along and J
began 20 Ice 80 nice to you, ChoIIy
didn't seem 10 have any serious IN.
tout,On- al all-Baltimore American.
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1904-10-29
Efectual Way.

Il thought Smeargle was a friend
Of yours"
He was until lately. | had to drop
him. He was always wanting to Dor.
row money"
Refused him sharply, did your"
mo; | lent him some"
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1904-10-29
Nothing Rash.

The Man-What are you reading
there, my boy? | hope it isn't a
Observation-Disclosures story.
The Boy-No, but it's a thunder
story.
The Man-Thunder alone?
The Boy-Yes, it is the weather re.
port.
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1904-10-29

Maybe the scientist who says the
sky-scraper is doomed is mad because
the elevator broke down some day
when he was in hurry to get to his
office
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1904-10-29

Taftleigh your candidate
doesn't strike me as being a man Of
any great political ability
Graftem We'll. he Is, all right.
why. he has two barrels to the other
fellows one"
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1904-10-29
Real Sufferers.

Rodrick-"They say automobiles are
terrible on the nervous system"
Van Albert believe it."
Rodrick-"But you have no automo-
bile"
Van Albert-"No, but | cross the
street occasionally"
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1904-10-29

Looking over the expense account
of a nation with experience in war
will do more to break other nations
a the fighting mania than will the
acts Of any peace congress.
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1904-10-29
Point Of View.

Mrs. Wcoks-Thore can be no do.
nestle happiness unless there are mu.
tual concessions.
Mrs, Sirong-Nouseuse, Me and my
husband get along an right and (
make him make nll the concessions
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1904-10-29
In Serious Trouble.

shes in a frightful dilemma"
How SOP"
why Jack proposed to her last
night and insists upon having an an
swcr before she will have time to
learn whether Tom intends to pro.
pose"
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1904-10-29

The news that the Alaskan gold
product for the present year is esti'
mated at $2G,OOO,OOO is reminder
that Secretary Seward made a good
bargain when The United States
bought the territory from Russia for
81 100000.
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1904-10-29

Since the manufacturer who puts
iron into life preservers doomed into
publicity all other candidates in the
'meanest man contest have sunk in
to oblivion.
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1904-10-29

Mrs. James Brown Potter has with.
drawn play that was rIdiculed by
the London critics. II they had mere.
ly called It indecent the profits would
have been too heavy to permit It's
Withdrawals
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1904-10-29

The girls Of Pottstown, Pa, have
formed an antl.kisslng club. l. is
pretty hard TO understand how they
can have the face-unless, Of course,
they are in the habit of waking up
nights to rest II.
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1904-10-29

More money is spent for candy than
for hats and gloves. But then, you
know a girl may have a dozen fellows
at a time. while a woman only has
one husband-at a time.
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1904-10-29
Whyness.

Giles-Tan shoes are said to be more
popular in Boston than elsewhere.
Miles-How do you account for
that?
Glles-I suppose it's because they
require Browning frequently.
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1904-10-29
Narrow Escape.

Gayboy My wife came within a
hair of leaving me last week
Within hair?
GaybOy-Nos. but fortunately the
one she found on my coat collar
matched her own.
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1904-10-29

Some hypercritical person says that
noVelists shouldn't put real persons
into their books He needn't worry.
Precious fow Of them do it.
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1904-10-29

Judge HerrIck of New York a few
days ago awarded $500 to pretty
girl who had lost the tip of her finger
IN a stamping machine and sued for
damages. Valuable girl, at that rate.
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1904-10-29

Can you see yourself identifying an
automobile by its "decalcomania mon.
ogram' as 1t whizzes by at the rate
Of thirty miles an hour?
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1904-10-29

In 1903 the production OF gold in
this country was $75,951 ZOO and Of
silver $29,322,OOO, making Il total OF
l05,273, 700, and yet
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1904-10-29

There may be two railways to the
top of Mt. Blanc" says correspond
ent. What good dinner he must
have had at the cafe.
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1904-10-29
Point Of View.

Manager--"That new soubrette Ger.
tainly covered herself with glory to.
night
Critcus-"Yes; and she didn't
have any too much on at that"
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1904-10-29

Thomas A. Edison, the electrical
wizard, received new kind of shock
when he discovered that his son was
selling bogus cure.all battery.
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1904-10-29

Women smoke? Why not?" asks
correspondent of tho New YORK
Times. Because 1t might give them
the tobacco heart.
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1904-10-29

a big rug factory was burned to the
ground in New Jersey the other day,
and imported rugs will be scarce until
it gets into operation again.
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1904-10-29

There are two Mrs. James Brown
Potters now, but since they are never
likely to meet under the same roof
hostilities need not be looked for.
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1904-10-29

by powerful effort of the imagin.
alton 1t may be possible to conceive
of the college authorities as abolish.
ing football"
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1904-10-29

Fort Ethan Allen is to be lighted
throughout by electricity. but not in
tho name of the deity and the cont.
mental congress.
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1904-10-29
A Friend in Need.

JaggIes-Doos he regret the time he
spent as a waiter while working his
way through college?
Waeglos- should say nor Since
hc graduated IT'S the only thing that
has brought him q living Judge.
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1904-10-29

The freight rate on lemons has been
reduced now that the lemonade sea
son Is about over. It's almost always
that way.
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1904-10-29

Do not blame the dogs that dlsporl
themselves in Newport society. The
poor animals cannot choose their as
sociates.
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1904-10-29

Up to the hour of going to press
King Peter OF Servia, was still un
,assassinated.
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1904-10-29

Mount Vesuvus seems to be guffer
ing once more from severe attack
OF Indigestion. the worst IN ten years
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1904-10-29

Johnny-Pa, when was the year Of
.he big wind?
Farhcr-AHy year when there was
an election
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1904-10-29

Phe Baltimore Herald heads an edi
toral War and Marriage Isn't thai
tautology?
The Logan Republican. [volume] (Logan, Utah) 1902-1924, 1904-10-29

together
fragrant spring flower.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1904-11-17

The London Spectator, in re-
view of the election in this country,
lauds President Roosevelt and SAYS
his election is subject of congratu-
lation throughout the English speak
ing world. Referring to the policy
of this government as it affects the
East, the Spectator says: "In the
Far East and in all that concerns
the future of China we may expect
the president, acting under the adj
vice of Secretary of State Hay, who
is now unquestionably one of the
ablest, if not the ablest, of living dip
lomats, to maintain the attitude al
ready adopted. We believe President
Roosevelt's administration will leave
indelible traces upon the larger part
ofthe English-speaking race and that
for TIE whole of that race it will be a
lesson in and sound example of sane
government"
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1904-11-17
JOHN c. SPOONER.

Spooner will be laid on the shelf.
He has shown himself in every way
to be an inferior man.-Lancaster
Teller.
Such foolish attempts to depreciate
Senator Spooner occasion only won
der at the want of information shown
by his traducers or honesty of ex-
preston. Senator Spooner is ma
tional figure with an established
reputation; reputation unassailable
by any opposition clique Of preju-
diced and Jealous small politicians
his traducers are all small politicians.
Next to President Roosevelt John
G. Spooner is the most popular man
in the United States. Spooner ''laid
on the shelf!p, He can have any
place in the gift Of the government
he may wish. Heis to-day the most
prominent availability for the presi-
dency for 1908.
Of Senator Spooner the St. Paul
Pioneer Press Of Sunday justly says:
1t is to be hoped there is no truth
in the story that Senator Spooner
contemplates resign;ng his seat in
the, United States Senate. He was
chosen Senator by the united voice
of the Republicans of that state, not
for their benefit especially, but for
the benefit Of the nation at large.
He has been worth more in that po-
sition to the Republican administra-
ton, to the Republican party of the
United States and to the American
people than all his enemies put to-
gether. His resignation would be
an irreparable loss to the party and
the country. The wisest Trainer and
the ablest expounder and defender
of Republican policies in the Senate
cannot be spared from the arena in
which his prowess is easily match
for all his Democratic adversaries in
a bunch. A seat on the supreme
bench might be fitting place of re-
tirement for warrior who has
earned so many laurels at the bar
and in the council chamber of the
nation. But he is yet in the prime
of his brilliant and useful public
career-and it is doubtful whether
the quiet dignity of this high judicial
office would be congenial to a mind
accustomed to the strenuous activities
of the broader field of the lawyer
and the statesman. For, although
the elements of the Republican par
ty in Wisconsin now dominant may
differ with him on some questions
of state policy, these local questions
will soon be settled and out of the
way, and Senator Spooner, who has
lost but little Of his own popularity
in the state in spite of the defeat OF
| the faction he supported, will still
remain the favorite son of Wiscon.
sin. And no one of the candidates
for the succession to Roosevelt four
years from now is likely to have &
better chance to be called to the
highest post in the gift of the Amer.
lean people than John c, Spooner
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1904-11-17
The Republican Party as a
Governing FORCE.
BY ELIHU ROOT.

The responsibility of government
rests upon the Republican party.
The complicated machinery through
which the 100000 people of the
United States govern themselves,
answers to no single will. The
composite government devised by
the trainers of the Constitution to
n. 'eet the conditions of national life
mo re than century ago, requires
the willing cooperation of many
minds. the combination of many in
dependent factors, in every forward
step for the general welfare.
The President at Washington
with his Cabinet, the ninety Sena-
tors, representing forty-fve sovereign
states, the three hundred and eighty
six Representatives in Congress, are
required TO reach concurrent action
upon a multitude of questions IN
volving varied and conflicting in
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1904-11-17

terests and requiring investigation,
information, discussion, and recon-
ciliation of views. From all our
vast territory with its variety of
climate and industry, from all our
great population active in produc-
ton and commerce and social pro-
gress and intellectual and moral life
TO degree never before attained by
any. people, difficult problems press
upon the National Government.
Within the past five years more
than sixty-six thousand bills have
been introduced in Congress. Some
method of selection must be follow
ed. There must be some prelimi-
nary process to ascertain the general
tenor of public judgment upon the
principles to be applied in govern
ment, and some organization and
recognition of leadership which
shall bring legislative majority
and the executive into accord in the
practical application of those princi-
pies; or effective government be-
comes impossible.
The practical governing instinct
of our people has adapted the ma
chinery devised in the 18th to the
conditions of the Goth century
by the organization of national po-
litical parties. In them men Join for
the promotion of a few cardinal
principles upon which they agree.
For the sake of those principles they
lay aside their differences upon less
important questions. To represent
those principles and to carry on the
government in accordance with
them, they present to the people
candidates whose competency and
loyalty they approve. The people
by their choice of candidates indi-
cate the principles and methods
which they wish followed in the
conduct of their government. They
do not merely choose between men;
they choose between parties-be-
tween the principles they profess,
the methods they follow, the trust
worthiness of their professions, the
differences to be drawn from the
records Of their past, the general
weight Of character of the body of
men who will be brought into par
ticipation in government by their
ascendancy.
When the course of the next adj
ministration is but half done the Re-
publican party will have completed
the first half century of its national
life. Of the eleven administrations
since the first election of Abraham
Lincoln, nine-covering period of
thirty-six years-have been under
Republican presidents. For the
greater part of that time, the major
ity in each House of Congress has
been Republican. History affords
no parallel in any age or country
for the growth in national greatness
and power and honor, the wide diff
fusion of the comforts of life, the
uplifting Of the great mass of the
people above the hard conditions of
poverty, the common opportunity
for education and individual advance
ment, the universal possession of
civil and religious liberty, the pro-
lection of property and security for
the rewards of industry and enter
prize, the cultivation of national
morality, respect for religion, sym
pathy with humanity and love of
liberty and justice, which have mark.
ed the life OF the American people
during this long period of Republic
an control.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1904-11-17
Americans Least Taxed.

The expenditures of our Govern
ment in their aggregate, as exhibit
ed by the appropriations of Congress
are large, and by unthinking per-
sons, and especially by misguided
newspapers, are denounced as ex-
travagant, and yet according to the
very best authority, our National
Government is the most economical
ly administered Of any in the civiliz-
ed world.
The following table, compiled
and officially published by the Blu
reau of Statistics of the Department
of Commerce. and Labor, shows the
population, expenditures, and per
capita expenditure in the more i'm
portant countries of the world in the
latest available year;
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1904-11-17

The latest returns give the Re-
publicans 244 Representatives in
Congress to I42 for the opposition.
A number of seats will he contested
where in close districts Democrats
have a small majority, irregularities
and fraud being charged, that will
probably add several more to the
Republican side.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1904-11-17

The chairman of the La Toilette
committee says it was evidently the
great popularity and lead of Roose-
Welt that pulled Kempf through
Sure. And all the rest of the La
Toilette ticket.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1904-11-17

Had a candidate for governor un-
Objectionable to the majority of Re-
publicans been nominated his ma
iOrty at this election would have
been I33,ooo-equal to Roosevelt's
instead of 10000. What was the
matter with the other 90, 900?
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1904-11-17

The Republican landslide struck
Hawaii, carrying everything with it
except one lone Democrat elected to
the territorial Legislature. There
were 1900 votes cast in the islands.
Jonah K. Kalan1anaiole was re-
elected to Congress by majority Of
900.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1904-11-17

From all parts of the country
comes the news of business expan-
sion. The election of the Rep ublic-
an ticket has given new impetus
to manufacturing indust ries and
every branch of business all along
the line shows the result of the
quickening influence of Republican
success.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1904-11-17

The losses of the Russians in the
ten-days' battle of the Shakhe river
are stated officially to have been 49,
$50, of whom 900 were officers.
The japanese had reported theirs
the Japanese-losses at about 10000
we believe.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1904-11-17

The sixteen most important is
lands of the Philippine archipelago
are now connected by telegraphic
cable, over which, during the past
year, over 10000 messages were
cent
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1904-11-17

Another of the surprises of the
election is the big socialist vote.
Debs receives 100000 votes in the
whole country as against 97,943 in
1900. The certainty of the election
of Roosevelt probably induced many
to vote the Debs ticket as within or
an experiment.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1904-11-17

Babcock, whom the La Toilette
crowd made frantic efforts to defeat,
wins as the Representative. to Con-
gress from the grid district by ma
ioritv of $50.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1904-11-17

The vote in Iowa was in the pro-
portion of two for Roosevelt to one
for Parker Roosevelt 33I,57o;
Parker I65,859.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1904-11-17

defeat Half, Breed AMI the Half
Breeds attempt to defeat a Stalwart
amounted to nothing where the
name was printed in the column be-
low the nane of Roosevelt.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1904-11-17

While terrific blizzard with snow
and sleet swept the Atlantic coast
last Sunday we had fine weather.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1904-11-17

Profound editorials are being >vri.t-
ten explaining the causes of the
Roosevelt avalanche that buried the
Democracy too deep for hope of
resurrection. Democratic Chair
man Taggart discounts all others in
giving answer to the que&tion:
"Why did not Parker succeed:"
"There were not enough Democrats
to elect him." says Taggart. What
is the use of critising that answer?
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1904-11-17

sBabcock's majority, official, is $751;
Another political life saved by the,
Roosevelt landslide. The man that,
got nomination and his name in
the Republican column was sit" in
the shuttle. The Stalwarts' attempt to
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1904-11-17

The surprises Of the election in
crease with more complete retu rms.
Nebraska, heretofore a close state,
was claimed by the Democrats,
Bryan making special efforts to Sc :
cure legislature that would serad
him to the United States Senate.
The state went for Roosevelt by
10000 and the Legislature is unani-
mously Republican.