, 1904-12-30
The True Story Of Damon and PythAS

The romantic story of Damon and
Pythias, which has been celebrated in
verse and song, for over two thousand
years, is supposed to have originated
the reign of Dionysius l., or
Dionysius the Elder as he was also
called who resigned about $50 years
B. c.. He must have been called
The Elder more for a joke than
anything else, as he was by inclina-
ton a Unitarian, althogn he was lever
a member Of any church whatever,and
was in fact the w~ickedest man in all
Syracuse.
Dionysius arose to the throne from
the ranks, and used to call himself a
self-made man. He was tyrannicaI,
severe and selfish, as all self-made
men are. Self-made men are very
prone to usurp the p~rerogative of the
Almighty n overword themselves.
They are not satisfied with the posi-
ton of division superintendent of ere
alton, but they want to be most worthy
high grand muck-a-muck of the entire
ranch, Or their lives are gloomy fizZles.
Dionysius was indeed so odious and
so overbearing toward his subjects
that he lived in constant fear of as
sassination at their hands. This fear
robbed him of his rest and rendered
life a dreary waste to the %tyrannical
each previous moment would be fol,
lowed by the succeeding one. He
would eat a hearty supper and retire
to rest, but the night would be cursed
with horrid dreams of the Scythians
and White River Utes peeling off his
edidermis and throwing him into a
boiling cauldron with red pepper anu
other counter-irritants, while they
danced the Highland fling around this
royal barbecue.
Even his own wife and children were
forbidden to enter his presence fol-
fear that they would put "bar-arsenis'
in the blanc-mange, or "Cosgrove
arsenic in the pancakes, or Paris
Green in the pie.
During his reign he had constructed
an immense subterranean c%avernous
arrangement called the Ear of Diony
sius, because it resembled in shape
and general telephone power, the hui
man ear. 1t was the largest a on rec
ord. One day a workman expressed
the desire to erect a similar ear of til
or g%alvanised iron on old Di himself
Some one "blowed on him. and the
neyt morning his head was humping
about in the waste paper basket at the
General Office. When one Of the king
subjects, who thought ne was sole
with the administration, would say
Beyond the possibility of a doub'
your Most Serene Highness is the kline
and loving guardian of his people, ant
the idol of his Subjects" His Roya
Tallness would say, What We givin
us? Do you wish to play the mos
Sublime Overseer of the Universe ant
General Ticket Agent Plenipotentiary
for a Chinaman? Hal. You canno'
fill up the King of Syracuse with taffy.
Then he would order the chief execu
toner to run the man through the
royal sausage grinder. and throw hin
into the Mediterranean. In this wa!
the sausage grinder was kept running
night and day, and the chief engineer
, who run the machine made double
time every month.
CHAPTER II.
! | will 10Y bring in Damon and Ply
thias.
Damon and Pythias were named at
ter a popular secret organization be
cause they were SO solid on each Other
They thought more of n an
other than anybody. They borrowed
chewing tobacco, and were always so
cable and pleasant. They slept to
gether, and unitedly stood Off the
%landlady from month to month in the
most cheerful and harmonious manner
If Pythias snored in the nig-.l like the
blast Of a fog horn, Damon did not
get mad and kick him in the stomach
as some would. He gently but firmly