The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-04-10
Two Feminine Complaints;
Flats and Celluloid Clocks

the Aztecs having the keynote i'm simplihed
housekeeping and the fooishness OF women
wearing their lives out with the care of a
dozen rooms they don't really need at all
About the no stairs to dust no dozens of
rugs to shake, no lazy maids to oversee.
She? Why. she believes every word of it,
Thinks it's all gospel truth wthou. a stitch
of doubt in its makeup. Me? No, / don't.
/ know you'll think il horrid of me- and
unrea sonable, and all that but I've either
TO effervesce or die. Please don't scold,
dear but I'm deathly faint when 1 think OF
Mr.. Browns ceiling. the second time this
year, and the washing in the window-seat.
and never knowing the luxury OF lounging
TO a meal I'm glad the old water-pipe
did burst, because I'm going TO take my
fall visit home to mother and the girls
while it's being fixed. | want 10 stretch
without being afraid of topping something
down; | want TO go out doors in slippers In
the morning and sit on the front steps IN
the evening. I'm going TO have four days
of plain, unvarnished primitive living. I'm
going where air drafts cease from troubling
and elevators are at rest. And George
please don't be angfy-but Gertrude told me
that the dear little house opposite theirs Is
empty, and we've made the arrangements
with the man this morning..
-
Its the same old total depravity OF in
animate things" said the girl at the desk.
as she wiped her pen carefully on the
brushbraid binding of her skirt THE dis
sembling celluloid in this instance. I've
grown used to celluloid shell hairpins. cell
luloid hard rubber combs, celluloid ivory
paper-cutters. celluloid amber ornaments.
but when Harry Dust like man. brother
any way) put his cigar down on the clock
last night at my little informal evening.
and set it to going all over the black onyx
top in a sizzling little blue flame. II seemed
as If it must be the proverbial last straw.
. The clock was a dainty, though suspicious
ly gorgeous. bargain picked up at de-
partment store, and just the touch OF black
my desk needed. OF course, the accident
called for fright first speedily followed by
embarrassment on my part, to be climaxed
by fiery anger against that idotic brother
of mine and his roars of laughter. For, Of
course, nothing but the humor of the situa-
tion appealed TO Harry.
Funny? OF course IL was. but for my
part l think Nature was just little too
generous when she dealt out the masculine
sense of humor. OF course, every one knows
that womans brain capacity is inferior TO
mans but her sense of humor is at least
tempered with common sense, IL you don't
care to call il tact.
My pretty little nest. my apartments.
my studio. if you please, is rather hobby
of mine, because i have the bent OF the
collector of pretty things. and IL taste has
to play more important part than dol
lars-well, / am not alone. Now, do you
suppose. If at one of Harry's and Petronel-
las 'whists' / should happen TO peel the
inlay off their card table (and II does peel.
because 1 tried it) should call attention at
the top of my voice to barefaced wood
workers deceit?
81 haven't a doubt but that two-thirds OF
my guests went home from this initial In
spection of my bachelor apartments, in
sigma of my independence. with the idea
firmly fixed in their heads that my big
screen there, typography you see. is
stamped. and my leather cushions that
Alice did with her own hands, pressed, and
my Navajo collection limitations. They'll
set down every blessed little treasure. from
porcelain to painting, to the keynote of that
unspeakable department-store clock.
complain? 1 haven't even the satisfac-
ton of that left me, don't you see, when the
Notwithstanding genius for make believe
is such a godsend after ALL OF course.
those who have merely 10 make their choice
can turn up their noses. oh, no: please
don't wax sarcastic. i remember the old
recipes for new housekeepers for the max
ing of pretty guestrooms out of tastefully
treated deal tables and packing boxes. Now
the young housekeeper turns the cold
shoulder to point d'esprit. draped near-silk
and big bows, and turns her eyes TO cheap
sales and home typography. But that
clock? Mercy! / took a secret oath that
after they all left / should go round TO
every doubtful thing in my possession with
hot curling iron. and anything that siz-
zled-went.