The Montgomery advertiser., 1904-01-28
A MAN AND HTS ULSTER.

The winter was very colo. MT. anu 4uiS D. Bensley Benslinger had been invited to the silver wedding of two friends in a suburb. MT. Benslinger was fifty and stout. MT. Benslinger discovered that he could not stand the cold as well as he formerly did.
 Get an ulster" said his friend Old chum, the bridegroom of the silver we'd ding. 'It'n keep the wind off your back and your chest and all the way down to your feet You won't feel the cold. Get a good long one while you are about It and get a heavy, shaggy one."
 So said, so done. MT. Benslinger got one of the longest, thickest ulsters he | could find. He had not worn 1t previous to the trip in the train to attend the oio- chums' anniversary. There was gift of silver to be carried along, of course. It was a large and handsome salad bowl, Mrs. Benslinger had exquisite taste in
 such matters.
 They were late for the train and had to hasten MT. Benslinger gallantly bore the salad bowl which made heavy, bulky parcel. The weather looked threat ening when they started, but they walk ed the four blocks to the train without mishap, though MT Benslinger was blow ing like whale when they reached the station and had been grumbling all the way about the weight and clumsiness of that ulster. He felt like a mummy wrap ped in cerements The first trouble came when Mir. Ben slinger attempted to ascend the lofty car steps and in so doing walked up his ulster. He ripped forward and fell. The salad bowl flew out of his hand and rolled off the platform on the other side. The porter kindly jumped over and res- hut ha norrpI dirty and the beautiful tissue paper with pie lures stamped on it was torn and ruined. Worst of all, a dent was in the bowl it. self Mir Benslinger threw out his hand l to save his face as he went down and | hurt his wrist, so that it pained him all l day. He said some words that 1t is not advisable to print. His fine, large foot bore so heavily upon the ulster when he stepped upon it that the lower button was dragged loose and flew away off. However, it is MT. Benslinger's way to | make the best of things. He rubbed his l lame wrist. gripped the salad bowl and
 sat quietly beside Mrs. B. till they reach | ed the Oldchums town. Then, nothing if
 not polite, MT. Benslinger descended the | lofty car steps first so as to assist Mrs. B. But he forgot to hold up his long | ulster. Mrs. Benslinger. immediately be-
 hind him, walked down his skirt and
 gave it such a ''yank'' that MT. B. for got his manners and turned savagely up-
 on her and asked where her eyes were. "Why didn't you hold your skirt up? always do mine going downstairs re- torted his wife.
 But now 1t was raining and sleeting There was no way to get to Oldchum's I except just to walk under an umbrella
 Accordingly MT. Benslinger put the sal
 ad bowl under, one arm. grasped an um- brella firmly in the hand of the other | arm and marched dauntlessIy through the storm. Mrs. Benslinger walked un-
 der her own ladylike umbrella and did
 not impede her husband. They hurried
 as fast as they could.
 Long before they reached the Old chums, however, MT. Benslinger felt a | heavy, horrible, wet something striking | his legs behind and dragging after him I-slosh, slosh, slosh He kicked out vi
 ciously backward, but the incumbrance
 showed no sign of letting loose. He
 looked behind him and saw he was pur-
 sued by the tail of his new ulster and could not get away. Again he said words
 and puffed onward to escape the unpleas-
 ant impeachment. When they reached Old
 chum's that brand new ulster was wet muddy and horribly bedraggled for a foot
 up from the bottom. It had struck
 against his trousers at every step, and
 they were as awful looking as the ulster
 itself. They were new. too, for this oc-
 casion. He was wet to the skin of his plump calves.
 Blame that blamed, hangty hanged
 dastty uashed old ulster! I'll never put il 1 on again! l aint a-wearin petticoats
 just yet" exclaimed Benslinger as he
 threw off the offending garment.
 Why didn't you hold up your skirt?
 asked his wife, 'I always do mine" 1 Tabitha Sourgrapes.