Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1904-12-16
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Crumbs of comfort never come from
eating crackers in bed-Philadelphia
Record.
Scribbler-Have you read my las,
novel7 Cynicus-I hope so.-Philadel.
phia Record.
Mistress you love babies? Maid
Detroit Free Press.
They were disappointed in love
weren't they?" Eyes. Each thought
the other had money."-Life.
she-Have you a copy of PRONE.
theus Bound?" He-No, ma'am; but
we can get it bound for you any way
you Hke.-Minneapolis Tribune.
'"This Is not such a snap as
thought it was," remarked the camera
fiend whose victim had just kicked
him and smashed the machine
Judge.
II told uncle Simon that he was
getting too old and feeble to attend
to business" Did he take it kindly p
AAO LII 2 " AC ouI VI A1S OIuCC. ~ ILL
ity Fair.
Mother-What seems to be the trou-
BILE? Mrs. Neuwed-I-I always heard
Charles was fond of the turf, but I
simply can't make him touch a lawn
mower.-Ex.
DO you admire Beethoven's
works"' Il never visited 'em," an
swered Mr.. Cumrox, absentmindedly.
"What does he manufacture ?"-Wash-
ingtOn Star.
Summer Boarder-You sat up rather
late last night, did you not? 1 heard
you going to bed about a. m. Farm
er-Shucks! 1 was just a-gittin' up
Chicago Journal.
young man, have you stopped to
think where you will go when you
dieT "Gad, no-I haven't even
thought where to go on my summer
vacation yet."-Puck.
Johnson-I's thinkin' OBJ ma'ayin'
dat youngest Thompson gal. Jackson
do it, niggah. Don't do it. Dat
gal cannot keep a job more'n two
weeks. Don't do it.-Albany Journal.
"I'll git de law on dat woman, dat's
what!" whats the matter, Aunt
Caroline" "She done went an call
me up by telphonin' when der's small
pox in her family y."-Cincinnati Trib-
une.
Pal understand, Bobbfe, that at
the party you asked for a second piece
of cake. Now, I told you- Bob
bte-No; 1 only said that if they liked
to make me the offer 1 would accept
it.-Pick-Me-Up.
Her Mother-Look here, Ernie,
thought your father told you not to
encourage that young man? Ernie
Oh, dear, mamma, that young man
doesn't need any encouragement-C
cago Daily News.
do you sympathize with the Rus
slams or the JapaneseT" AT present"
said the man who strives for nicely of
expression, II sympathize with the
Russians and congratulate the Japa-
nese. ."-Washington Star.
Beatrice (aged 6, after remaining in
deep thought for quite two minutes,
addresses her mother, who has been
choosing frocks for her)-Mummy
dear, before you buy the frocks, I've
thought it all over, and 1 think I'd
rather be boy.-Punch.
Il am strongly inclined to think that
your husband has appendicitis" said
the physician. "That's just like him."
answered Mrs. Cumrox. HE always
waits till anything has pretty near
gone out Of style before he decides to
get t-"-Washington Star
"Oh. Georgew exclaimed the young
wife, 'it was nearly midnight before
you got home last night" "Well,
well!' exclaimed the husband; you
are so inconsistent. Before we
we're married you didn't care how late
got home."-Sioux Falls Press.
Now" said the pert salesman, sar-
:astically, as he started to put back
he rolls of silk, cant you think of
more 1 might show you,
na'amT Yes" replied the shopper,
but don't think you have it." What
8 it?" More courtesy ."-Philadel-
,hia Public Ledger.
, I'm afraid that you can't graduate
his year, after ALL" said the high |
chool professor to the Sweet Young
Thing. who was shy in Greek or some
hing. NO" she replied, II can't. |
rhe dressmaker simply can't get my
lress finished in time-isn't it too |
'ad d?"-Cleveland Leader.
Pretty WELL" remarked the doctors
laughter, who took an interest in her
athers purse and profession, when
ONE one asked her how things We're
DING" PLENTY of colds, some bron-
hits. and a little typhus fever: but,
s father said yesterday. what we
want to make things lively is a nice
title epidemic!'
Here is another example of faulty
1nglish." said the teacher of the class