The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1904-09-19
COMMENTS ON MEN AND
MATTERS OF THE WORLD

6 HE announcement of several Chi
Wy cago experts that the country is
going crazy at an alarming rate
and that within the next 500 years half
of the civilized world will be more or
less insane is apt to cause undue per-
turbation in minds that are already weak
enough. Now this direful prediction hath
such a pessimistic favour that one hesi-
tates to worry much over the prospect,
even though it is vouched for by a crush
ing array of intellect. Since the republic
cans are vociferating every day that the
democrats are insane and the democrats
are returning the compliment with in
terest one is lead to suspect that after
all the ominous forecast of science really
emanated from the campaign headquar-
ters of one or the other of these two par
ties. There is an unusual number of
cranks abroad in the land, but this does
not necessarily auger that everybody
viii be cranks In the course of 500 years,
while the prediction that In $50 years
from today we Will be Almost totally de-
ranged and In the hands of the Yellow
Peril has such a preposterous ring that
the esteemed Chicago scientists lay them
selves open to an Indictment under the
same charge which they are preferring
against the rest of the Caucasian race.
Judge Parker's return to Rosemount is
a theme for the poets. Why does the
tardy muse daily by the wayside instead
Of inspiring second "Cotter's Saturday
Night for the worlds wonder? After
a period of strenuous labor in the great
metropolis he turns his steps back to the
modest home that knew him before his
days of greatness. Thanks to poetic IL
cense, we will presume that he reached
his estate as the sun was setting behind
the mountains and nature was in repose.
In reality 1t was 9:15 o'clock at night
Over the majestic Hudson, on whose bos-
ON the judicial form has SO often re-
clined, rested the uncertain haze of ap-
preaching Indian summer, while the wat
er shone rudy gold, FURNISHED by the
rays of the departing god of day The
little lambs frisked about shaking their
innocent tails in glee; tine hired men were
returning home, their days work accom-
plished, and as the Judge drew near his
blooded bovines joined in a welcome cho-
rus. How his heart must have stirred
within him as his eyes roved over his
fertile acres and he contrasted the quiet
| delights of this retreat to the noise and
wickedness of New York! No doubt, in
his heart of hearts the judge thought the
farmers lot far Above that of the Presi-
dent but he is not out of the race yet.
"Hiawatha," that frayed favorite of the
populace. the sport of paragraphers and
the target for nations unseemly mirth,
has at last en- adopted and by the Red
Men. Rather the song was dedicated to
the Red Men and they did not have the
courage to cast it back upon cold and
unfeeling world. Heretofore the Red Men
have been very popular in the land but
If they insist on the band playing "Hia-
watha' every time they march down the
street there will be trouble IN store. The
only safe tune to adopt these days when
q song Is the rage today and a back
number tomorrow is one that is in no
danger of ever becoming popular and Is
so seldom heard that no one can whistle
a single note.
| The announcement that Joe Jefferson
has been forced ~ an attack of indiges-
| ton to abandon his plans for the winter
| theatrical season and retire to his sum-
| ner home will cause uneasiness among
| the veteran actors friends. He is an
! old man now an las trod the boards a
| long time If indeed his days of acting
are over he will be sadly missed and