West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1904-03-31
THE RAMBLER.
Has Stormy Time interviewing Kinrwood
District Candidates.
Their Appearance in Town Frightened the
People Who Imagined the Cooley Gang
Had Returned
Los,,he Opportunity Of His Life 10 eeeom
a Genuine Hero

Genuine Hero.
am IN receipt Of numerous letters Of
congratulations from all over the county
for my excellent report Of the joint debate
between Col. sam B. Montgomery and Maj
James w. Flynn. Being unable 20 write TO
each individual, take this method OF re.
turning my sincere thanks Tor the many
compliments paid me. which 7 am frank to
admit do not deserve. In the language Of
Admiral Schley. There is glory enough for
all Of US II this political war keeps up. I
am authorized 10 announce 90 the public
that the representative OF The ARGUS will
be found In the thickest Of the fray record.
ing the battles as they are fought without
fear or favor. Those who are so unlortu.
nate as not to have their name on our mail
Ing list should subscribe for The ARGUS az
once The full dinner pail and stand
pat have had their inning. and the slogan
hereafter shall be, Whose got the nomi.
nation ?" II you would be the FIRST to learn
the answer to this inquiry. you must read
The ARGUS. Regular subscribers 10 THE
ARGUS are guaranteed against the divorce
courts. alms'house, peniteniiary. all con-
tagious diseases and every other ill that the
human family is heir to. While our sub
scription lists growing enormously we are
| still advocating expansion. Our motto Is
to please. amuse. instrnci and entertain.
One copy OF THE. ARGUS will convince the
most skeptical that life is not worth living
without its companionshp. Do not hesitate
to subscribe, as we are neither an automo-
bilist or millionaire.
There was congress Of candidates met
In the town OF Kingwood on Wednesday
night They had large following OF sup
porters, which led the timid portion OF our
population TO imagine that the Cooley gang
had returned. There was a constant ringing
OF the telephone in THE ARGUS Office. ask
ing II the town was TO be held up by the
strange crowd of men. Deacon Brown
who is an officer OF the Guards, and as
brave man as ever faced the enemy on
dress parade, Immediately called upon me
to go forth and investigate and report TO
him at once, so that he could allay the fears
OF the people or order them to bolt the
doors until he could communicate with
Governor A. b. White
But am suffering from nervous pros
tration, and am one OF those unfortunate
beings who cannot help being coward
when the danger signal Is swung on me. :"
was my appeal TO the brave Deacon.
The world will lose nothing by your dis
| appearance from the face OF the earth
while cannot afford to have the motto
hung up in our parIor telling the fate OF the
protector OF the home proclaiming. Daddy
is gone beforel" Go forth and learn the
secret Of this convention" was the com
mand
like to read about heroes aud their
thrilling adventures. and have often
thought would like to be a hero and have
the people point to me as / strobe up and
down the streets. Here was my opportu.
nifty to be crowned a hero or tax the inee-
nuity OF Deacon Brown to pay an obituary
tribute to my herolsm. But I was doomed
to disappointment. II was nothing more or
less than Congress OF Kingwood District
| candidates. As / approached the crowd /
| observed one man towering above the
others. waving an umbrella franticaly IN
the air. The others seemed to be protest.
ing. IL was Judge Edmund Messenger who
was Grating.
The District clamoring for my return to
the Court without a single conserving vote.
My sixteen years on the Bench embodles In
me all the specifications for great Ind gel''
enthusiastically shouted Judge Messenger.
Great cheering mingled with groans,
greeted this outburst OF enthusiasm. Some
of the faithful followers OF Parsoa Bill T.
Menear could not sanction the declaration
Of the Judge.
This has been god send to us. " cx-
claimed the Judge. 1--WE have been argu-
ing In a manner that has excited the people
and fear for the safety Of those who look
upon an Office hunter as they would upon
the yellow flag displayed on yonder house.
Your arrival will add quietude to this bois-
ferrous and argumentive crowd An inter.
view with the Rambler is what we want"
"l'want to interview each and every one
ofyou candidates as you have spoiled my
opportunity OF becoming hero. must
take you TO some secluded spot where the
dew will dampen your ardor and We will
not be annoyed by the opposition have
sacred duty to perform in the manipuia.
ton Of the reportoral pump. RI you DO not
cough up freely will be compelled to pump
II out. Judge Messenger I would have you
unload your reasons why the people should
be inflicted with two more years OF your
Commissionership q was still snorting
under the pGngs OF my failure 20 become
hero). You will pardon me for climbing
this sapIing, but it is necessary since the
Good Belng has elevated you three feet
nearer the sun. Moon and stars than my.
self. Perched upon the bramble of this
tree IL enables me 70 observe the movement
Of your massive jaws. Proceed"
Rising to the Sublime nights Of his stat.
ue judge Messenger said
II might onumorate a dozen or two Of
reasons why I should have the Office of
County Commissioner for Kingwood dis.
trict. but the principal one is that the pco.
pie want me. Bill +. Mcnear. who Is the
President OF the Lime Kiln Club. and
farmer whose reputation for raising cab
bsge aud turnips has called for a letter Of
commentator from the SECRETARY Of Agri.
culture In Washington. has been persuaded
by hiss friends 70 butt heads with me Tor
this Office. lis painful duty / have got
to perform but propose TO give him such
a walloping that be will not follow the fool
advice Of bis friends in future Campaigns
and bump up against our Uncle Edmund
There Is not man in the County who can
out run me when get my ankle joints welt
creased with 'possum tailow make this
statemen; Wills the full knowledge that
many will challenge it bat more can dis.
prove 10. You might suggest to BW r..
that be stands better chance Of cvauscIz.
log Che District than defeating me-"
In my commanding but dlgniGed way 7
motioned che Judge TO stand aside. as
summoned BH T.. Mcncar LOOKING BH
/ J. DO The eyc. I remarked