davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1904-06-01

r. A. Schaefer. Hermann Focke and
Wilhelm LAM, Co-partners doing
business under the firm name OF
F. A. Schaefer and Company. Com
plainants. VS.. Maui Sugar Company,
Limited, a Corporation, Respond
ent-Bfu for Foreclosure of Mort
gage.
NOTICE OF SALE BY COMMITS
SIONER-
Pursuant to a decree made by the
Honorable W. ]. Robinson, Third Judge
of the Circuit Court of the First Judl-
ciaI Circuit. Territory of Hawaii, hIed
on the 23rd day of May, \. D. 1904, IN
a cause entitled F. A. Schaefer' Her
mann Focl,e and Wilhelm LAM CO.
partners doing business under the hrlh
name of F. A. Schaefer and COMPANY PAM,
VS.. Maui Sugar Company, Limited Blll
for Foreclosure of Mortgage, Equity
Division No. 1907, the undersigned 0S
Commissioner duly appointed VIII sen
at public auction, to the highest bidder
subject to confirmation by the Court
New-York tribune., 1904-09-18

the desired effect Norton reluctantly closed the
book and took off his goggles You know Old Gill
has taken a sort of fancy me and I've been using
his study while he away.
Proves he's hatty,' said Mort Wen believe
anything after that
'Nort's Jealous Darby continued Il there
this morning when he came in with his grip in one
hand and some clse'S umbrella in the other. At
least 1t is reasonably safe suppose that II some
one clses He took of his hat laid 1t carefully on
chair. and hung his grip the hat-rack Then he
casually remarked: Il wonder what time II is He
looked up that dinky little china clock that sets
on the mante-of course it wasn't running. 'Humphl'
he calculated. That clock has stopped Must have.
been stopped long while-'way behind-'wav behind
Say" exclaimed Mort impatientlv I'm way
behind in my chemistry wish you'd cut that warn
short as YOU can with consistency"
Darby looked at That is even Jealous
of my superior powers of expression He couIdn I
tell story with such dramatic
Mort with apparent carelessness, dropped sponge
into the water pitcher.
New-York tribune., 1904-09-18
By A. G.. CIR RAIG

MORTON and examining. Mort had
Y funked in chemistry that morning, and he
was bluer than a milestone. So had but then |
used 10 it. Norton's motto was Il must finish FIRST
mine was Il must skin through if possible Never
theess we both doing noble work, when Darby
burst into the room He flung himself into the
middle of the bed and let out howl after another
OF rncrrimcnt | stared at him in astonShment; but
Norton merely SHE'D his chemistry at Darbys red
head and went on with his demonstration.
What's up" l calculated DO you realize
that we're paying laundry bills also that
YOU have your number tens on a clean pillow"
Darby removed the offending pedals by turning
somcrsaut over the footboard
"Old ellis back" he announced solemnlv seating
himself a of the table and tanning vigorously
With drawing of the nervous system that Mort
had spent many weary hours upon. Norton snatched
the drawing from him and went reading.
Il fail to see anything cxcrucatingly funny in
the natural statement that Professor Gilmore has
returned, ," | remarked sardonically.
Darby grnncd. Listen my children. Mort shut
that book and come to attention II swpe your
prunes tonight at supper" This awful threat had
New-York tribune., 1904-09-18
Absemt-Mimded Professor

Darby shivered, turned UP his So and went
on. He went over and stood l -r'nJ OF the
clock then he took out his wallet, ru e careiuAy
with his handkerchief. stared at II ,uute, pu
it back in his pocket. and hshed out -pectacie
Il went away the tenth OF August t. -Sed. ana
this Is the second OF September-ruu -"enty ty-lou
hours Then. sitting down carefully ms hal
he picked up pen and reaching Tor g1d oesa,
scribbng. every few minutes shaA ms heS-
and muttering Way behind way l.nd and
want say right here parerthes,~ that IN
in a position prove the veracity o.. rA.s nara
tive
Don't take the trouble" said Nor. We believe
it, Like the Red Queen, I've often belize 81 as nIg
SIN impossible things before breai>-as,-luSt !"
exercise"
Darby ignored the implied insult, A--er hsalnS
some u..tutes, Old Gill reached up -l- ,ook dow
the clock. Such bother my being away 50 l0us
he remarked; then referring 10 his notes. IWeh!
three days ten hours and forty minutes l"enty-"I,
times twenty-three add ten, subtract tNenty-i0~
Then with mighty sigh: III have 70 -,r1 tna' W
hand around fve hundred thirty-eight times Anu
fellows he's actually doing i'll
New-York tribune., 1904-09-18

America and has remained at home. IN spite OF many
earnest endeavors To domestiCate 1t abroad ana even
10 counterfeit il 1t IS generally told graVely the
teller doing his best disguise his attempt 70 lnict
ANYTHING funny on his listeners; but the man with
con, story generally tells YOU beforehand that IL Is
one Of the funniest things he heard and ne Is the
first one 10 laugh-when he reaches the END
One of the dreadfuest infections that suffering
humanity ever endures IS the result OF amateur eortS
t trnsfor the humorous into the comic, or Ice ltTSd
II r. minds ole Of Frank Stocktons fearful taie OF
what ca ne of one OF the best things IN P1ckwck Dy
being translated into classical Greek and then brought
back to English
The Rev Robert J. Burdette who used TO write
columns of capital humor for The Burlington Ha"A-
eve and told scores Of stories superby made his rSt
visit to Ne-York about twenty years ago and was at
once spirited To notable club where he told stores el
rv until half hearers ached with laughter and the
other half were threatened with apOPleXy Everyone
present declared it the redetter night OF the cluo
and members who had missed II around ana de-
ranced the stories At secondhand Some efforts
were made to obge them, but without avail 1or the
telrs had twisted their recolectons OF the stores
into comic okes they hunted the town tor Burdette
to help them out OF their mudde-
The late Arte1nus Ward, who generation ago
carried a tidal wave of humor from Maine TO Can
foruia with generous overows each side ol us
b~d lGT1J
New-York tribune., 1904-09-18

10 hear him say 81 once knew man IN New-Zealand
who hadn't a tooth in his head" Here he would pause
for sometime look reminiscent and continue. And
vet he could beat a base-drum better than any
other man 7 ever knew.
Mark Twain is another famous humorist who can
use serious countenance and hesitating voice with
wonderful effect in q story His tale of The Golden
Arm" the best thing of its kind ever heard
when told as he himself told it-but everything
depended on suddenness and unexpectedneSS of climax
Here it Is. as he gave 1t
'Once pom a time dey mons'us mean man.
en- he live way in de prairie all lone by himself
'cep'n he had a wife. En- bmeby she died, en- he
New-York tribune., 1904-09-18

En- he begin 10 shiver en- shake. en- saw oh mvl
Oh nv LAM En- dc win blow de lantern r- en- de
snow en- de sleet blow in his face en- most choke him.
en- ne start a-plovin' knee-deep toward home. mos
dead he so SIX veerd en- pOoty soon le a-ar de
voice again. en-" (pause) 1T US comm after
him, Buzzzzzz Who got my golden
arm:
when he git TO de pasture he hear gin
closter now. en- a-comin back dab IN d. lark en-
dc storm (repeat the wind and the voice When
he gt TO de house he rush upstairs, en- -up IN de
bed en- kiver up head en- years lay dab sirerin'
en- a-shakin' en- den way dab he hear II agin,
en- a-comin'l En- birneby he hear (paus--awed.
listening attitude) at-pat-p -pat-pat-hlt5 a-conin
upstairs, Den he hear de latch en- he knows It's
in de room.
Pause Den he knows It's a-bendiu' down
hiu-eu he CANT sea cely git his breaf. Den den he
seem 10 feel somethn cold, right down u- ah az
his head (Pause)
Den de voice say right in his year Who got
my golden arm,' you must Wall It out
plaintiyeIy and accusingy. then Won stare steadily
and impreSSvely into the face OF the ta-aest-gone
auditor girl, preferably-and let thar spring
pause begin build itself in the deep hs-a When
it has reached exactly the right length u 5uddenly
toward that girl and veil. You've got Il,
Ii YOU have got the pause right. She II -h a dear
little yelp and spring right out OF her she but YOU
must get the pause right-and YOU viii hu3 the most
troublesome and aggravatng and unccrta- hing YOU
undertook .Copyr-h,. rs-- ., wHaHl
with Wilder Will The sunday Ma. readers
Next sunday Luck IN STORYTELLING. III lated VITA
capital by Senator Depew, B1nrnast lSa Jonn
WanaInaker. Ambassador Porter and others-
New-York tribune., 1904-09-18

wishing that he may find it before he buttonholeS
you again.
1t seems to me that the supreme art of telling
story tell quickly and hide the nut so that the
hearers wits must find it. But it is possible Tor
some people to tell 1t quickly at the expense OF tHe
ssataI parts either through forgetfulness by not
knowing them at sight, For example here Is a tale
| heard not long ago:
The other night Ezra Kendall told about an
Ir;shman who had habit of walking IN graveyard
n ont tv,clve o'clock at night Some boys OF the
neghlorhood planned to dig and conceal grave
that the Irishman would fall into it another man
was to lrapc himself in a sheet, to scare Mike he
night arrived, the lrshman took his customary walk
and fen INTO the hole prepared for him. y boy in a
white sheet arose and said in sepulchral voice:
...yN1,,+ ,ra ,5,,, ,IoiDu in
New-York tribune., 1904-09-18

ACNAA ~ nav - 49, -
face and drawing voice; so
when he lectured In churches,
as ne frequently did, a late
conner might have mistaken
him for a minister. though not
for very long He would
drawl along without giving
the slightest Indication of
what was coming. When the
Joke was unloaded and the
audience got hold Of 1t he
would look up with seemingly
innocent wonder as 10 what
people were laughing at This
expression of his CountenanCe
always brought another laugh.
He could get laughs out of
nothing. by mixing the absurd
and the unexpected, and then
backing the combination with
a solemn face and earnest
manner. For instance, It was
New-York tribune., 1904-09-18

out tTOO de storm -I dug
her up. en- got de golden arm.
en- he bent his head down
gin de wind, en- Tl9aed en-
plowed troo de snow Den all
on a sudden he stop make
a considerable pause here,
and look startled and take.
a listening attitude saw:
NV Ian, what S d En-
he listen. en- listen en- De wind
say" (set your teeth gether.
and initiate the waig and
Wheeling sing song Of the
wind Buzz-z-zzz a den,
way back yonder har de
grave is, ne hear a ..ce-he
hear a voice all miN 40 in de
win-can't hardly l EN-
part Bzzz-zzz z-W -n-1 got
my golden arm You
must begin TO shi. iolent-
ly now
New-York tribune., 1904-09-18

took en- toted her way da in de prairie en- buried
her We'll. she had golden all solid gold, tom
de shoulder down. He wuz pow tul mean-now ful;
en- dat night he couldn't sleep, coze ne wanted dat
golden arm so bad.
when it come midnight he couldn't stan It
mo- so he got up he did, en- TUX his lantern en- showed
New-York tribune., 1904-09-18

my grave
What are you dom out
of it? Mike replied. "
Soon afterward an amateur
gave me the story as follows
Il heard story the other
dav by man named Ken
dali about a man who went
out il "A graveyard at night
to walk. about twelve o'clock.
He fell into a ditch. and
another fellow happened along
and SAID What are YOU do
ing out Of it, or something
like that. | know | laughed
like the deuce when | heard
ii.
But even when a story
has been committed to mem-
orv or written in shorthand
on a shirt-cutf. TO be read off
without a word lost or mis-
placed. much depends upon
New-York tribune., 1904-09-18

the teller Some peoples voices are 50 effective
that they can tell a story in the dark and make
good, Others can't get through without calling
all their features help, with some assistance from
their arms and legs. One viii lead YOU with
his eye alone to the point OF a story; another will
drawl and stammcr if he had nothing TO say vet
starc YOU into a laugh in minute
OF course a great deal depends on the story itself
People are grateful for laugh 70 look backward
and analyzc the story that compelled It they gener-
allv believe that fun fun and that IS about much
as anyone knows of it. The truth Is that while there
are all kinds OF there IS only one kind OF huor
As a rule humorous stories of American origin,
comic English and witty stories are French
The humorous story depends upon the incidents and
the manner OF telling comic and witty stories depend
upon the subject. The humorous story may be spun
out To any length il may wander about as II peaSeS
and arrive at nowhere in particular but the comic
or witty story must brief and end in sharp point
The humorous story bubbles along continually;
the other kinds burst The humorous tale IS entirely
a work of art and only artist tell it; while
the witty or comic Story-oh, anyone who knows 1t
can toll 1t,
The act of telling humorous story-by word of
mouth, understand. not i'll print-was created IN
Lincoln County leader. [volume] (Toledo, Lincoln County, Or.) 1893-1987, 1904-01-01
MASCULINE HANDSHAKE HAS TAKEN
The PLACE OF THE FEMININE KISS.

- HE newspapers are o chronclng the passing of the kiss OF
course, there may be some kisses still exchanged by unregenerate ones.
but the kiss between women really seems a thing OF the past.
Time was when ne feminine net another feminine whom she
knew, be 1t eve so slightly and be the place we so inconvenent, that she
kissed her, thus knocking her bonnet awry and severely rumphng her temper
and her collar. .. " arl.. .taa. l. t#. M ..gti.. "a
When women didn't kiss they ghed at each other and said, frigdly,
How dye do" and then all the spectators knew a fight a on, and their
respective friends took the principals aside and asked anxously: what did
she say about your
Particularly a such OSCILLATION a habit with Southerners, and when
the clans met, as at church in the country, when they hadn't seen each other
for a week or more, the exchange of caresses vas so general that even the
men became involved sometimes, and the boys only escaped through III
ming away and hiding in the tall grass back of the edifce.
Then the fashion changed, and really elegant people who we're not more
than second cousins to each other began presenting a cool and freshly pow
dTed cheek or the kiss instead of the lips. This val commenced with a
regard for hygiene, nj doubt but it was soon 10 satisfactory that two cheeks
were always pressed together now, and there was no pretense at a warmer
greeting. ..s.. s,
This had IN additional advantage in that one lady could not call another
lady Judas when she merely presented her cheek and not her lips.
A little later it went out o. fashion to salute each other warmly at all
when two women met O. the street or in a public place.
so since there must be ome way of welcoming a friend, the manly hand
shake came in. .-" ." r..
There we're some elderly ladies who disked this as masculine and IN
fitting, and who persisted in pecking dutifuly at the ears of their relatives,
ever when they met tin the theater, but by far the majority of the sex took
to the handshake as a diplomatic way out Of trouble. You see it is very
hard to reach the face of a person who years a Gansborough hat, while 1t
Is quite q simple matter to reach her hand.
And so there is n more kissing; at least there isn't much. And 1t is
quite beautiful to see the girls solemnly pressing each others hands and
asking after each others health. But there is nc lack Of affection nowadays
dear me, nol-we are all quite as fond of each other a in the days of the
perpetual kiss, and we ire glad to be let down SO easy in the matter of
caresses-Balhmore News.
Lincoln County leader. [volume] (Toledo, Lincoln County, Or.) 1893-1987, 1904-01-01
Ito be %continued.)
Lucky Naval Officer.

Lieutenant Commander A. b. Willis,
whose family lives in Germantown,
has written an interesting letter home
from his ship, the Iowa, which Is
cruising in South American waters
with the South Atlantic squadron. The
officer tells how last month the squad
ron was halted in the harbor of a lit
tie Southern city that was much ex-
cited over a lottery drawing loon to be
pulled off. An ensign on a sister ship
of the Iowa bought for 81 a one-tenth
chance at the 100000 prize, and then.
out of idle curiosity, attended the
drawing.
There was considerable rigamarole
for q time. and a d~ark-skinned native
posted on a board a number-the win
ming number. The ensign looked at
his ticket, and 1t was the same number
as that which had won. He could not,
he said afterward, speak. He had to
walk out into the air. His delight was
in%describable. The next day n Of the
officials Of the lottery brought to him
aboard his ship a bag containing S1O,-
| 600 in gold. As he is poor, and as he
is also married, he thinks the money
will come in very NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS.
Record
Lincoln County leader. [volume] (Toledo, Lincoln County, Or.) 1893-1987, 1904-01-01
Unexpected Shrinkage.

1t is generally understood that quail
ity of mind and not size of body deter
mines the place a nan fills In the tenn
pie of fame; but two countrymen, of
whom the New York Times tells, were
evidently in doubt about it.
One day during the congressional ca
reer Of Major General Joseph Wheeler
two rural visitors were In the House
gallery taking in the proceedings on
the floor. One Of them noticed the
general flying about, as was his wont.
who's that little chap down there
In front talking to the big fellow?" he
asked Of his companion.
BLESSED IL l know" replied the
other.
Some one sitting back of them ven
tured the information that 1t was Gen
eral Wheeler, of Alabama.
well, / declarew said the first one.
"I've heard that a Teller might be a
good deal Of a man at home, but when
he come to Washington he want 80
much of a heavyweight; but | didn't
suppose they'd dwindle away like
that"
Lincoln County leader. [volume] (Toledo, Lincoln County, Or.) 1893-1987, 1904-01-01
RHODE ISLAND FiSHHAWKS.
They Are Protected by the State at
All Seasons.

All SCasOUos
The author Of a recently published
novel, the scene Of which is laid in
Rhode Island, refers to the ishhawk
as "Rhode Islands bestowed bird"
though the succulent turkey comes In
for a fair share of the esteem be-
slowed by this little State on the
feathered tribe, while Mrs. McNally's
hen is unquestlonably Rhode Islands
most distinguished bird, says the Prov
idence Journal. Not to bubble, how
ever, it nay as we'll be admitted that
the fishhawk is q popular bird in
Rhode Island and in all likelihood no
other species which flies gets as much
protection at the hand of his State as
does his majesty. The statute forbid
ding his molestation in or out of the
breeding season is as rigidly enforced
as that applying to short Holsters.
harrington, Warren and Bristol, the
three townships forming Bristol Coun-
ty, afford favorite haunts for fshhawk
to nest. From the train and street
cars can be seen here and there sup
ported on the limb Of a great pine
tree, a mass Of sticks, leaves and rub
Dish, which the birds have collected
for a home.
They are as little particular where
they build as to the material which
they combine into their house and the
top of an electric light pole or the
steeple Of a church is as acceptable as
the breeziest tree which ever support
ed a bird. Down on Long Island Sound
Ia a fshhawk's nest in the strangest
place of all. Not far from the imag-
mary lines bounding Rhode Island,
Connecticut and New York, there runs
into the sound a long reef, which is
marked a mile or so from shore by a
spindle. The end, sticking above the
surface Of the water for ten or dozen
feet bears a basket-like arrangement,
which has struck a fishhawk as an
ideal place for a summer home and
there it has reared, as 1t has for sew
eral seasons past, a flock of hungry
young birds. The wind always blows
around the spindle, but the waves new.
err leap high enough to threaten the
nest and for miles at the osprey's front
and back doors stretches the ocean,
teeming with the fish on which II
preys. A more desirable location fol
such a habitation it would be almost
impossible to find No other fshhawR
need apply, however, for the present
occupant holds n life lease Of the prem
ises and is fully prepared to defend ii
against all corners.
Lincoln County leader. [volume] (Toledo, Lincoln County, Or.) 1893-1987, 1904-01-01

thar that you cannot, must not be while
she lives. My answer is-heaven help
us both-gor
He nerved himself to meet it like a
man, but it was a terrible blow.
Carol, it may be you are right, though
l am too blinded by love and sorrow to
comprehend it.. In the. future l shall be
to you a friend in time of need. l shall
come and see you here, but never again
as your lover. Then il there is any rela-
tive to whom you would like to go, /
will take you there. l hear Mrs. Ran
dali coming. Trust in her, for she is a
true friend. And now farewell, my love,
my life. Farewell, farewell"
Painting, she struggled from his fierce
embrace. He stood there looking at her
while she grew calm and icy cold. Then
turning, he took his hat and left the old
mill. "
She sank back with clasped hands and
fearful eyes.
Give me strength, oh Father in heav-
en-, for the light of my life goes out with
him!'
Lincoln County leader. [volume] (Toledo, Lincoln County, Or.) 1893-1987, 1904-01-01
Knew the Limits.

The late William NJ. Evarts once
discovered Il. Delafield Smith, the
well-known lawyer and corporation
counsel of New York City, singing in
church with all his heart. He whis-
pered TO a friend:
"Why, there is Smith singing L
Want to Be An Angel l know he
wanted to be district attorney, but l
didn't know he wanted to be an IN
gel"
The remark was repeated to Mr..
Smith, and quick as a flash came the
retort:
mo, 1 have never mentioned the
matter to Evarts, knowing that he had
no influence in that directiong'
Lincoln County leader. [volume] (Toledo, Lincoln County, Or.) 1893-1987, 1904-01-01

One Of the most valuable historical
relics in the United States is a drum
that sounded at the battle of Bunker
Hill and saw service in some of the
greatest encounters in the Revolution.
1t is now the property Of the Richard
A. Pierce Post, Grand Army of the Re
public, Of New Bedford, Mass. 1t is a
snare drum, Of British make, much
larger than the same character Of
drum to-day. 1t was brought over to
this country by a young English red
coat. He was killed at Bunker Hill,
and the drum fell into the hands of the
Continentals. Israel Smith, the grand
sire Of Levi Smith, who presented the
drum to the post, was the drummer in
the famous Rhode Island company that
stood the charge at Bunker Hill. La
ter, when the soldiers drew lots over
the drum, young Smith became Its
possessor. Many a lusty charge Levi
Smith beat on the drum during the
long struggle that followed. Then, in
1872, young Israel Smith marched
away with the old drum slung over
his shoulder.