The Montgomery advertiser., 1904-05-15
TURKISH BATfis.
Promote C1eanlfness ana More vieor-
 oue CireuIntl0ns,

Ou8 NtKCUkMtA0uGs
 and dear Mir. B pronounce So exquisite.
 Everybody Is enyeloped in sheets, iiks ghosts in a play. and you draw yours around you, and wonder who sweated be- meath It's friendly screen last. and If 1t has been washed since.
 The attendant comes briskly in, looks at the thermometer. feels the steam pipes. runs a cold hand down your back, dashes a little cold water on your head. stands over you with the authority of a despot and forces you to drink three glasses of water which tastes as if 1t m ght be some from he deluge.
 By and by, just when you feel as # you never could endure 1t another moment. the door opens. and you are told to come.
 You have to part with your sheet. You never would have believed that an old sheet could became so dear to you. Tne marble floor is oh, so slippery. and there is nothing to hold on by. annd you wonder who would pay the damage If you should fall and break limb. The attendant shouts to you to come along. and surveys you in calm scorn you totter and reel along the wet, soap-sudsy floor. and are at last prostrated Oh the marble slab. which somehow suggests a tombstone pressed into duty for dssecting table.
 You are sponged you are soaped, you arc scrubbed with brush, you are gouged by set of shadp knuckles, you are punched in the ribs, and in the back and your lungs pounded and spanked, and your feet are knocked hither. by that frantic operator, who is all muscle, and whose face glows like biaeksmith's. and whose veins stand out like cable cords You cling des- perately to the cold marble to hold your self on, and your tormentor tells you to ''straighten out and lie at easel so that the electricity generated can d fuse itself. Electricity, indeed.
 Just as you are beginning to get used to it. and to feel resigned to anything you are told to get on your feet and stand erect Your eyes, and mouth, and nose are full of soap, but your attendant gives you no time to look after such minor details; she is showering you with hot water. warm water then cold water-oh. dreadfully cold that you shrivel up, and your teeth chatter and your spine feels if 1t were curling up. ta you squeak out feebly in protest; but the squeak is knocked down your throat by vigorous stream of cold water deftly applied, and you know just how 1t feels to be drowned. and resolve that when you commit suicide 1t shall not be by water but by cold poison"
 Directly the dry towels make their ap- pearance, and your attendant throws her whole soul and muscle into the process of rubbing you and you are told to rub your self. and another attendant comes to rub. and you realize that the whole end and aim of existence Is rubbing
 You have to brace yiurself to stand against the pressure. and what cuticle there is left your body is the color of boiled lobster, and you feel as if you had been put Into huge mustard poultice which had drawn" well.
 Then you given a clean sheet, and told to go and cool off.
 This cooling off is the best part of the joke You lie down like a ghost. among other ghosts. and think of your sins, and the way your backbone smarts, and wonder if anybody has stolen your watch out of the dressing room where you left your clothes and-you fall asleep. and minus one dollar for getting into that delightful state.