Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1904-03-11

| =H ~-e~~e.~~~os~~
Americas message to a certain
South American Republic: "Wail Co.
lombiap'-Punch.
"He got the stage fright" "He
How" Married the homeliest girl
| in the company."-Town Topics.
"Your symptoms, madam, indicate
jaundice" "Jaundice? But, doctor, /
haven't suitable dress for that!'-
Fliegende Blatter.
| whats in here?" asked the tour.
list. Remains to be seen," responded
the guide, as he led the way into the
morgue.-Columbia Jester.
A Dollar Earned: Judge Sarcastic
ally)-Did you ever earn dollar in
your life? Vagrant-Oh, yes; I voted
for your honor once-Puck.
Dolly Swift-He called me his dear
little lamb. Sally Gay-What then
Dolly Switch, then he gathered
me into the fold.-Smart Set.
Tourist-Some people from the
East might not like it out here, West
erner-Well, stranger, they'd find
|
| "Whar you reckon de happy lam is?'
'It's way back yander, at de place you
passed so long ago, en- didn't know you
wuz at it!'-Atlanta Constitution.
Adoring Bride-Jack, darling, is this
Wednesday or Thursday? Doting
Groom-I think it's Friday, dearest.
Adoring Bride-Of this week life.
Mama-Bobby, have you been fight
ing? Bobby-Only little bit. Mama
How did that happen? Bobby-Oh,
the boy 1 licked wasn't much of a
| fghter.-Chicago News.
Grace, can you tell me what is
meant by a cubic yard?" 81 don't
know exactly, but 1 guess it's a yard
that the Cuban children play in."-
Boston Christian Advocate.
Experience: Mrs. Frienderly-But,
honestly, what was your real reason
for refusing her dinner invitation? !?
Mrs. Charplor-Experien 1 used to
have her cook.-Brooklyn Life.
Elsie-There's man at the door,
pa, who says he wants to "see the boss
of the house." Father-TeH your
mother. Mother calling down stairs)
Tell Philadelphia Press.
A Critical Summary: what do you
think Of that writer's work" '0h,"
answered Miss Cayenne, "he has said
two or three clever things, and several
thousand others" s."-Washington Star.
Wife-You don't mean to tell me
that Professor Addle has been struck
dumb? Husband-Yes, last night. And
master of seven languages. Wife-Is
it possible that he was struck dumb in
all seven?
Jarrold-What did that diamond
cost that you gave Dolly for Christ
mas? Harold-Well, 1 gave $40 for
the stone, and $40 to the clerk to tell
Dolly it cost 5000 if she brought it
back to price it!
Really" said Mrs. Oldca stle, ''your
little dinner last night was quite re-
cherche." "Oh, dear" her hostess
groaned, 81 just knew that new cook
would make a botch of it some way"
Chicago Record-Herald.
Little Amzi (who has an inquiring
mind)-Uncle Timrod, what's a bonan-
"a? Farmer Neckwhiskers painfully
experienced)-A bonanza, durn it, is
hole in the ground, owned by liar!
That's what a bonanza is!-Ex.
Ernie-I saw you automobiling with
Fred yesterday. You looked as though
your heart was in your mouth. Ida
No wonder. The automobile was going
sixty miles an hour and Fred was pro-
posing at the same time-Chicago
News.
Unendurable: "Deah boy, is it true
that you have discharged your valet?"
fresh! When 1 took him out with me
he managed to make people. think he
was the mastah and l was the man,
baw Jove"-Chicago Tribune.
Perdita-It doesn't matter if this is
the third installment of the story. The
synopsis is printed telling how the
first chapters went; so you can start
reading it from here. Penelope-Yes;
but how stupid of them not to have
the synopsis tell how it ends!-Judge.
did you have pleasant voyageT
NO" sighed the beautiful American
heiress. 1T was one of the saddest
experiences of my life. There were
two counts and a duke aboard, but
the weather was so rough that they
never came out Of their rooms. Chi
cago Record-Herald.
Reporter-How were you impressed
by the European cities you visited?
Distinguished Traveler-They are mar
vels of cleanliness, sir. To return to
one of our cities after being abroad is
like coming back to hog-pen. Re-
porter-May l ask what hog-pen did
you start from?-Chicago Tribune.
How is it business has so much i'm
proved in the side show?' asked the
man from the main tent. Il started
the living skeleton to smoking cigar
ettes," replied the hustling manager.
.sI DON'T 500 why that Snauld drs w