The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1904-06-30
THE NONPAREJL MAN

Takes Up the Practice OF Automobile |
Dodeing In Four Movements, 1.-THE Side
step" "The Sudden Rise" "The Quick
Duck" and the cart of Relaxing In Mid
Air"
At the gymnasium a class will be start
ed shortly for elderly ladies ands others,
who care to join, in which the art and
practice of automobile lodging will be
thoroly gone into. Every lady who In
tends to be on the streets at all during
the summer should give this valuable
teaching her attention for at least a por-
ton Of each day. If the automobiles can
not be slowed down, 1T may be possible
to take the other alternative and hurry
up the ladies and children a bit, ere they
are tossed hence and be no more.
The first movement taught in the elder
ly ladies' class Is known as "the Quick
Art Of Sidestepping." An automobile Is
right upon you going six to twelve miles an
hour. 'Honk,". says the chiffonnier. In
this case the elderly lady makes sinuous
movement Of her body, wrinkles her feet
| Ing her on its swift passage Then the
chatter swears at her and disappears in
the distance.
The second movement in the elderly
ladies' class Is known as 1.-THE Sudden
Rise" This Is a very valuable art and
|
ment. The elderly lady steps from the
curb to take her car "IIonk!" An auto
mobile suddenly skids around the corner
and is upon her The elderly lady, not
having time to sidestep movement No. y,
leaps suddenly into the air (The Sudden
Rise), and the automobile goes under her.
She drops lightly to her feet in the midst
Of the gasolene smell, and sees the disap-
pointed faces in the machine looking back
at her.
Movement No. is called "The Quick
! Duck" 1t IS somewhat difficult for the
novice to differentiate this movement from
e s Th D c az ana ue1l
Sidestep are clearly two different move
ments and should be learned carefully, for
a lady may often duck where it would
be impossible to sidestep.
Movement No. deals with the difficult
art of being tossed into the air. A person
in the act of being tossed should relax.
It is the tension of the muscles that causes
the strain and the bruises. If a person,
tossed by an automobile, will relax while
in the air. she will find that the injury
from the way in which a drunken man
falls downstairs. He is SO completely re-
Taxed that injury rarely results. 1t is
! like sponge Hing. F''' Remember this
| when,.,you- are in the air It may save
y your life. "a E5k# a
In any case never display any tempe,
; or feeling of any kind toward the chit
: fonerino or driver of the automobile. Au-
tomob1les may become cheap and you may
, have one yourself. In this case your feel
ings towards pedestrians and other insects
., little right they have to life and the pur
? suit Of happiness. Honk!
> hear the choo-choc on the road and "Bing'
: The next know do not know Thingl
The chauffeur merely turned US loose ''honk'
: And now your late lamented friend is on tn
v wing.
n The wife Of the editor Of the Elk Point
0 s.. D., Leader was away from home re
Gently and the ''We'I tried to launder ant
, dress the baby. He was against it TO
I sure. He says feelingly:
f why, bless your chin whiskers W
a would as leave try to decipher ancien
chronicles on the Babylonish tabletsl An
= that little eye Of our eye and chin Of on
: chin looking up at US as if he pit1ed us
e or thought we were getting him ready 70
\ hanging. Buttons, hooks, pins! Pins
= hooks, buttons! Arrnholes and bands an
l, safety pins, gee! Amt 1t fun to dress tn
e baby? It's like an ice cream picnic in
cold rainstorm.
All! But he just pretended it was har
: work. Papa was just bursting with prid
o in reality and thoroly convinced that h
= was the father Of the only real 1t 1
Union county. Disgusting! And yet
we'll, papas all right, no matter if he !
9 "sweIled' a little.
- The management of the Russian flee
. at Port Arthur shows every evidence {
o being in the hands of man who woul
d hang around the north end Of a stron
It mule.
y Judge Brady Of Kansas city fined
70 young fellow for kissing his best girl O
% the front steps Of her home The mex
9 time the scoundrel will know enough t
. step into the vestibule.
50 You call this an exciting convention
), Just wait for the st. Louis emeute O
:, July 6!
1T we are "agin'' the life preserver thu
,e will not float.
- 1t is now quite generally conceded thu
y the president will accept the nomins
ton.
lis '"The Pirate" edited and turned loos
!, on society somewhere in Missouri Is
: hand, No. /, Vol. /. 1t Is something {
the order of your fat friend the Philistin
a. only more iconoclastic Under the heat
at ing. t"The, Pirate it says:
Only publication extant opposing the cure
ms creeds of both christendom and democracy.
he sued occasionally and circulated gratuitously.
u It's leading article 1.-THE Philosopl
90 Of Government" begins in this cheerf
he strain:
III Inherent in nature and all manifestations
life, there Is equality, no justice, no ltbert
90 and no freedom Every specie Of life exists
he the expense of other life forces: all of viii
are bound by limitations beyond which tn
ne cannot peer, and man Is exception to
rule.
= The writer then dashes into poetry, b,
- with such philosophy of life, what c,
y you expect of his poetry? This is the WI
De it starts off,
lot A pirate out on Hfe's high
ng Was wrecked and cast adrift to Shore
~ Where countless wanton forms Of might
nlt Were writing in the awful gore
M OF wasted opportunity.
The unseen hand that dashed the lee,
Was wont to stir him with alright;
And call back memories of yore
ro When life was joyous with delight
" There is, however, one bit of wisdc
at in the pamphlet that we are happy to
AN dorse. On the last page Of the cover t
editor says:
Much valuable time is now being
Oh wasted in training the young mind
hat how to shoot which, when 1t has
EN- shot misses the mark farther than
~ IL it had never been trained.
There is something in this Our you
idea" was trained to shoot in such W
IL. ~ TIT vyi