The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1904-12-15
AN AMUSING LETTER.
Editor Stewart of RossviIle Writes to
Governor HOch.

U. G. Stewart, editor of the Shawnee
County News, published at Rossville,
writes the following letter to Governor
Hoch:
Dear Governor Hoch:-Now that
the heat and smoke of battle have
subsidized and we find that victory is
even more firmly perched upon our
banner than at any time heretofore
previously, it is well that you cast
about you for ways and means to car
ry out the great reform inaugurated
by your election.
I can understand how that you may
be knocked temporarily silly and feel
slightly ratified in the first flush and
spontaneous surprise attendant upon
the ponderosity of your stupendous
election. To be perfectly frank with
you, had been in your place I should,
no doubt, have opened a key of nails
and painted the town red in the ex-
uberance of my great and new found
joy. Do not let this influence you in
any way, however. But you should
a great state is onto you, watching to
see if you will take care of the pat
riotic pilgrims of the party. I am a
patriot myself, and standing, as it
were, on the walls of Zion, with one
finger on the public pulse and the
other on my endorsements, I warn you
in the flush and newneSs of your posi-
ton, not to allow the siren song of
the machine pie-biter to blind you
to the debt you owe the palSied pat
riots who have been instrumental in
placing you where you are. Think of
their long nightly vigils in the back
room during the campaign talking
over the situation with sugar in it
inducing bad breath, bringing the
hectic flush to the nose and otherwise
sacrificing their health for the good of
the cause
The hour has now arrived in which
to purify politics in this state.
Acting along this line and upon the
earnest solicitation of my friends /
hereby make application for such jobs
may yet remain vacant You will
see at once the wisdom of my appoint
ment, placing me as it will in a posi-
ton where L can the more effectualIy
get In my work as a purifier. The peo-
pie want to see old methods wiped out
and the party pledges redeemed. If you
can give me the portfolio of custodian
OF the Whisk Broom the wild and clam
orous appeals of my friends will subside
and the white winged dove of peace will
settle down over your administration
like a fog on a cranberry marsh.
Regarding my qualifications 1 need
but mention the fact that during my
long and decisive career / have be-
longed to all the different parties and
am perfectly familiar with the meth
DDS of each. You will see at a glance
the valuable assistance I could render
in stirring up sentiment for your re-
nomination provided you do the right
thing by me. Besides all this have
liver complaint, AN ingrowing toenail and
there are floating specks before my
eyes and certainly need a place where
can recuperate at so much per re-
cuper. Enclosed you will find the bill
of lad1nR for a cracker box which 1
have forwarded by freight containing
Endorsements from my friends. You
can either appoint me at once and look
them over at your leisure, or if you
have any doubts on the matter examine
them Immediately and then send my
commission; either way will be salts
factory to me. I have also instructed
my friends everywhere to write you
and write often, not waiting for a re-
ply, as you would probably be busy
at that time negotiating a loan on your
job press but would be glad to hear
from them anyhow and to learn of my
high standing.
Read my Endorsements and listen to
the unSmOthered voice of the people
and then say that 1 do not deserve
well at the hands of the party!r Read
the cheerful and hearty endorsement of
Groceryman Yocum who says that he
confided in me to the amount of sew
eral dollars worth years ago and has
every reason to believe that l can be
trusted indefinitely.
If you see fit to give me a position 1
want you to feel perfectly free to con-
suit me on any matter regarding the
affairs of state. You can put me in as
chief oiIer of the door hinge on good
salary and secure my advice free and
none will ever know of the hidden
power behind the throne. Before
yielded to the clamorous appeal of the
public to enter politics 1 was president
of a livery stable and the baled wisdom
that I gathered during the experience
will be yours to enjoy.
/ would like a place that will be good
for what ails me. A friend of mine by
the name of Sarcastic Piebiter, who
held position under your predecessor
recommends his old position as Gentle
man of the Hat Rack His complaint
was similar to mine but after few
weeks service he recovered and was
able to draw his salary every once in
awhile without exciting comment. Most
any position will suit me however. OF