Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1904-02-13
MUST HAVE THE GOODS

A bill was introduced In the Virginia leg
islature short time ago. making it an
offense punishable by fine of from $40 to
s1oo for any circus to display posters of any
feature which the circus does not actually
exhibit.
Consequently, ''Tody' Hamilton, the
greatest of all the circus press agents. who
dropped into Washington a couple of days
ago to see his friends here after having
taken a peek at the Baltimore fire, 10 be-
ginning to age rapidly.
Gosh. I hope that idea doesn't spread.
he said in an alarmed tone. commenting on
the measure before tho Virginia legislature.
II do. for a fact. AZ it n. If the bill goes
through. l suppose the greatest show on
earth. which l have the honor to represent,
will have to duck Virginia during the COM
ing season. The man who introduced that
bill must want powerful big fifty cents
worth. Great Scott. If they'd fine us only
SO, instead of $780, for each thing We ad-
vertfse and then don't show up with. 1t
would cost us about n. 1914 97 u to put
up the tents in every town we struck. Cir
Gus posters are not meant TO be taken lit
orally. They're just pictured airy persinaSe.
as 1T were.
but they do take the posters literally in
the wayback regions Most OF the Hey,
and the circus men have been caused by the
circus failure to exhibit features that
were advertised merely in Pickwick1an or
if-such- things-could-oniy sense. Before
1 had tho honor to represent the greatest
aggregation Of curiosiues on the hahtable
globe, comprising, ETC.. etc, did the press
work and the supeTintending OF tho DILL
boards for considerably smaller circus.
Well. the big show was then exhibiting the
white baby elephant. and of course It was
UP to to fix up white baby elephant,
too We did 1t went with a rush fer
while, that baby elephant. but after about
two months the many thicknesSes Of white
lead applied to the baby elephants hide
began to poison the poor little p1chyderm
pup up some. and he looked so sad and done
up over the closing up of his pores with the
on him for while We were in the middle
Of Georgia when we reached this decision.
On the day We failed to exhibit the mar
yelous white baby elephant. tho pet OF his
imperial majesty. the Shah OF Persia, IN"
plaything Of princesses. and sacred to the
high priests of the great temple OF La-locp.
the fire king. there was an 1mmeh:te
crouch on the part of tho popuiace or me
little Georgia town that had dug up .neir
two bits to see the show. They demanded
tho white baby elephant In loud raucous
tones. and when the situation looked seri-
Gus the rfngmaster had to appear in the
menagerie and attempt to quiet the crowd
with an explanation.
Ladies and gentlemen, I grieve TO %
compelled to state the ringnaster sung
out when he had obtained silence in the
menagerie. that the marvellous white baby
elephant. obtained at enormous exo.nie All
after immense negotiation with the grand
vizer Of his imperial majesty the Shah of
PERSIA grieve to state that the tender
and sacred animal is suffering from an i'll
ness today which will preclude the posi-
bility of his being displayed.
The cingmasterS announcement was re-
ceived with boots and jeers, and it was
plain that the situation hadn't yet been
cleared There were loud demands for de-
tails as to the nature of the marvellous
white baby elephants illness The ring
master. a quick thinker, thought he saw
chance to get in one on the crowd.
g Ladies and gentlemen, he announced
again taking his stand on top of a barrel
the illness of the cherished pet of his i'm
perial majesty the Shah of Persia. is due to
the fact that last evening. in an unguarded
moment, while being loaded on the cars
the tender animal, espying an open barrel
of tar, partook of the same in such large
quantities that his system has been thor
oughly impregnated and soiled with the
foreign substance, to which, need not say
he was wholly unused article of diet.
Nay. not only did the unwonted meal of
common paving tar suffuse disastrously the
internal system of the petted plaything of
oriental princeSSeS. but 1t percolated
throughout his entire system to such ex-
tent that at this very moment the young
and pampered animals hide IS as dark
tnat or any Otner OF the elepnantS connect
ed with the menagerie and the veterinaries
in attendance state that it VIII be some
weeks, or until the tar has been completely
eliminated from the animals system, before
his coat will resume it's usual milky white
ness
1T was a bold play that of the ring
master, but the crowd still exhibited skepti-
cism. They demanded to see the animal,
anyway with its tar-turned white coat.
They didn't care if the shah's pet had
turned as black as a stoveppe they de-
clared. they wanted a glimpse of him.
THE elephant attendant hadn't quite fin
nished washing the white paint off of the
marvellous white baby elephant with a d.
luted solution of turpentine, but the crowd
was impatiently demanding a sight of the
tar-transformed pachyderni. So the ele-
phant man led the dopey and dropping little
fourfooted chap out into the Enclosure. The
crowd pressed forward to see him, and sew
eral of them caught sight of some remnants
of white lead still clinging to the pups long
African ears.
'Fake Fake! It's nothn' but paint!
these rubbering individuals bawled, and
then the cry was taken up all over the tent.
Hey, Ruber was the startling and sig
nificant cry that instantly leaped from the
threats of all of the circus men, and then
they grabbed stakes and wagon tongues
and tent poles and everything handy in
sight as the merry villagers went at them,
and for twenty minutes there was the live
Hest head-breaking melee that / had seen
in all of four days-for that show was
sure-enough helion fer the number Of fight
ers it carried.
II hope all of the legislatures don't get
into the habit of demanding everything 'on
the bills Circus press agents have got
to have some method of expressing their
superfiuouS soulfulneSs and of employing
apt alterations artful aid"