Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1904-04-08
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Stranger-Is the man of the hous,
In? Servant-Yes, but the woman O
the house won't let him come out!
Fusionist-I believe in the Office
seeking the man. Regular-That's al
right If you don't want the Office
Brooklyn Life.
Many a rich father has discovered
that it is easier to get a daughter of
his hands than to keep son-in-law or
his feet.-Philadelph Record.
Bob-Gosh, Rob, where'd you rake
up those seedy old shoes? Rob-Why
man, those are my patent feathers. Bot
But the patent has expired, eh?
Miss Carrye Moore-She calls him
her intended. Are they engaged? Miss
Cutting Hintz-No, but she intends tc
marry him.-st. Paul Pioneer Press.
Nipped in the Bud: Actress-I have
been robbed Of my jewels. Hotel Clerk
1t won't do any good; there isn't q
newspaper in the n."-Town Top
les.
Il can always tell when you are go
ing to tell lie," said Gregg to Legg.
"How? asked Legg. II see you open
open your mouth" said Cregg.-Town
Topics.
Mabel-Why didn't you scream when
he put his arm around you? Ethel
I wanted to- but couldn't, and when I
could I didn't want to.-Butte Inter-
Mountain.
Undoubtedly: 81 see that somebody
says there is no such thing as luck in
business" "He must be one Of the
lucky ones who have succeeded"
Exchange.
Efie-Silly! Dolls don't eat any
thing! Bertie-Don't eh? Well, that
old one of yours that 1 cut open was
stuffed chock full of breakfast food
Woman's Home Companion.
And do you think" he asked. "that
men progress after death?' "Well,"
she replied, eff they don't it would al
most seem useless for some of them to
die"-Chicago Record-Herald
What She Did: "And what did you
do when your doctor told you you
would have to quit wearing a corset
and give up sweets?" Il sent for an
other doctor" Chicago Record-Herald.
Mahoole- tonne OF pass wild a
loidy, Mulligan, ye've got to remove yer
hat! Mulligan-And suppose OF re-
fuse? Mahoole- Then, bedad, we've
got to remove yer coat.-Chicago News.
Ernie-No, she isn't going to marry
Claude after all. Ida-But they say
he can quote Emerson and Browning.
"Yes; but the other young man can
quote Sugar and Steel."-Chicago
Daily News.
How He Lost Her: She-I suppose
if a pretty girl should come along you
wouldn't care anything about me any
more. He-Nonsense, Kate! What do
1 care for good looks? You suit me all
right.
Quick Action: First Russian-You
say the fight was quickly over? Sec-
ond Russian-Yes, it was finished be-
fore you could say Jackopolinsky
Robinsonopolotoksky - New Orleans
Times-Democrat.
Really" said Mrs. Oldcastle, "your
little dinner last night was quite
"Oh, DEAR" her hostess
groaned, 81 just knew that new cook
would make botch of it some way
Chicago Record-Herald.
She-Have you ever met my two
dearest friends? They are just lovely
4oI In hor
you known them? She-Why, I've
known Annette nearly ten days and
Margaret almost a week. Cleveland
Plain Dealer.
"You should strive to appeal to the
ina agination and the human interest Of
your pupils" said the principal. 81
do" answered the teacher, but it is
very hard to convince the boys that
Hector and Achilles were as great men
as Corbett and Jeffries."
Mamma, what would you do If that
big vase in the parlor should get brok-
en-? said Tommy. 81 should spank
whoever did it," said Mrs Banks, gaz-
ing serenely at her little son. "Well.
then, you'd better begin to get up your
said Tommy, gleefully, "'cos
papa's broken it,
But, mamma" protested Miss Bull
yon, why are you sending out invita-
tions for a diamond wedding? You
haven't been married nearly long
enough for that" whats that got to
do with it?" demanded Mrs. Bulyon;
your fathers financial standing
would make anything less than dia-
mond wedding absurd" - Chicago
Evening Post.
A weekly newspaper recently pub
lished the following in its Answers
to Correspondents column-"'We
have two apple trees in our garden
writes Ella. and in the spring they are
covered with such lovely pink and
white blossoms that pull them off for
table decorations. Now I see that there
are no apples on the trees. Do you