Condon globe. (Condon, Gilliam Co., Or.) 189?-1919, 1904-09-29

"You can't do two things successful
ly at the same time" 81 did" wha
did you dor Spent my money an,
my vacation"
College Girl-oh, how my watch an
noys me, ticking under my pillow. He
Chum-Why don't you get one Of thost
silent midnight watchesl
Sallie-What does Carrie do for q
hvingl Hallle-She paints. Sallie-
l knew that but didn't know she so,
paid for it-Boston Traveller.
Mrs Torker-Tommy, you must moi
interrupt me when am speaking.
Tommy-Then how'll ever get q
chance TO say anything H-Lire.
Old Mother Hubbard, she went out
and rubbered. New neighbors were
Just moving in. "Pn Just take a peep.
Ny! their furniture's cheapP she said.
with satisfied grin.
Magistrate-The evidence clearly
shows that you threw a stone at this
man. Prisoner-An' the looks OF the
man shows more than that your hon.
or; 1t shows that l hit him.
Mrs. Nurich-I think I'll take this
watch. You're sure it is made Of re.
fined goldl Jeweler-Certainly. Mrs.
Nurich-Because do detest anything
that amt refined. - Philadelphia
Ledger.
MY physician says that worry
makes people thin" ~ don't believe
it" answered Miss Cayenne. "There
Is nothing that worries some people
more than the discovery that they are
getting fat"
First Lady On an open car)-rn bet
anything it's going to raini Second
Lady-Nonsense! the sky's clear as a
bell. First LADY, know that; but
why did those gentlemen give ND their
end seats, should like to knowl
Indian Killer (from New York.
Where's yer IndiansI Colorado Jack
All dead. Indian Killer-who killed
EN-? Colorado Jack-why, you see,
young feller. they heard you was COM
ing, and they laid down and died.
Aren't you married yetY' "No."
Well, Welt ! thought you were en-
'aged to certain young lady in Scar
,orough% "No. / was engaged to
In uncertain young lady In Scarbor.
ugh. and that's why I am not mar
led"
Cassidy suppose ye heard the
Jews about Flannery2 Casey-Phat
lewsl Cassidy-He was drownded
his marnin'. Casey-I don't believe
{. Shure, was taykin' to him yis-
herday, an he niver said a word about
t-Philadeiphia Press
"Well, what does he sayT' inpatient
= asked Mr.. Spotcash. "rll tell you
n a moment" replied his secretary,
Who was still struggling with the
'pening sentence Of letter from that
herman correspondent of the firm. 81
laven't got to the verb Chicago
Tribune.
''It must be great satisfaction to
ave such a palatial apartment" said
he old-time friend. "It is" answered
dr. Cumrox; ''it's a heap Of comfort
0 have house big enough to wander
way and get lost in when mother and
he gals are giving a musicale or re-
option. Washington Star.
Lakeside Gn Eighth avenue restau-
anti see you have sign requesting
entlemen to remove their hats. Wait
Yes; we found 1t necessary. Lake
like New York. Why, out =
l Chicago we never think of sitting :
own to a meal without taking or our /.
ats and coats.-Town Topics. Il
81 suppose" said Mrs. hyperion, .
you are thoroughly familiar with the ..
uties Of cookT "Oi am, ma'am," .
piled the applicant "Can you make =.
mayonnaise dressingT asked the ~
employer. mo, ma'am; OF -
ally do plain sewin'," answered the y
'ok lady. "Oi have all me own dresses . i.
News. -
Willing, but Hampered.-Rich Caller q
vho is making the round of the ten O,
nent districts-WeIl, 1 must go now. ~
there anything 1 can do for you, my n
'od woman? The Other (of the sub y,
erged)-No, thank ye, mem. Ye "a
ustn't mind II, mem, If don't return ia
e call. haven't any time to go ~
nmmin' meself.-Chicago Tribune NJ
~
81 had good JOB last summer, but Ar
st 1t on account of my fool absent ht
Indedness." said poor old Seldum IN
id, pessimistically; II was actin as MI
echo for mountain hotel; an l W
ne all right till one moonlight night, dc
len a smart guy from de city hol- No
ed, Hello, Smith, forgot myself Of
answered back, which Smith do
+ meanT T"-Judge.
Jones-What is Newlywed Bigghed
king so glum about? Smith-Why. ne
} gypsy fortune-teller Just told his XII
fe that she would have two hus- oe
nds and that the second one would eln
a very fine sort Of man. Jones' XII
|, hal And Bigghed thinks that Is a I'M
lection on him, suppose2 Smith
Oh, no! He thinks his wife must VIC
We been married before and never rol
d him.-Tlt-B Bits.