The Washington times., 1904-01-31
Night Staff EpOIpeS
Some Peculiar Pipes
When Thieves Are Idle "Coppers" Sleep on
Beats and Reporters and Stationhouse
Attaches Brains Work Overtime.

Green. The bulldog hal y 9TH ewes pluck
ed out. and hide torn fTSu his mead. two
legs and eighteen ribs broken. Thomas
had both ears chewed off and his left
shoulder fractured Both were removed
TO the Veterinary Hospital I'm a wheel
barrow. and on recovery viii have to
answer to the dual charge of disturb
ing the peace of a neXt-door neighbor,
and the larceny of seven shoes and a
broom which were thrown at them to
make them stop their racket"
Equal to Occasion.
When this remarkable report had been
digested. one OF the boys whose "Old
Man. as the city editor is everywhere
called BY newspaper men. is of a decent
sort. took the slip to his typewriter,
and began to hammer out a story. While
the rest looked over his shoulder and
made suggestions, he wrote the alleg-
ed assault with all proper details, and
duly sent IL up 20 the office. just 10
afford a bit of amusement at the desk
Then conversation drifted back to
pipe dreams, and one of the youngest
reporters took up the challenge Of the
veteran, that the younger generation
knew nothing of this class Of fake
stories.
You old chaps think there are no
more good pipes. just as you think
everything else has deteriorated, but
even 1 have seen one or two good ones.
/ learned the business in a seaport
town not a thousand miles from here.
where the marine man was an impor-
tant adjunct One night everything
was dead, and some cousin of your
red devil put it into his cocoanut to
pipe up a yarn
The one he evolved was rot half
bad. 1t told of the arrival the night
before OF a well-lcnown vessel plying
out of that town. with sick sailor
on board. The mlu had been CON
veyed to a leading hospital. where ii
developed that he had been hypnotized
by a shipmate. who had given him
the suggestion that he was on fire in
| side Before this suggestion could be
removed the hypnotist had been car
ried overheard in a storm and drowned.
leaving his mate under the painful de-
Iusion Jackie had drunk up all the
/ fresh water on the ship. and then had
taken TO drinking salt water. with the
result that when he reached port he
was in a horrible condition. The re-
port wound up by stating that since
his arrival at the hospital he had
drunk twenty-eight glasses Of Zee wa
ter. by actual count. That story cost
| the reporter his job.
A Real Good Joke.
/ He was not the only one to get the
bounce for this reason" SAID another
chan. lighting his cigarette, for IL was
TO Just such a story that you owe the
felicity OF my company tonight.
Il was doing police i'm another town,
and dropped into a police station one
night where there was just about as
much doing as there is here tonight We
got to spinning yarns. and the sergeant
sprang one which / spotted for a good
story. and wrote it. giving the name
and address of a copper / thought would
stand for II. The Scss thought it good
enough for a first-pager. and he tele-
graph editor sold it to half-a-do2ea out
cf-town papers.
Briefly the story was that the
family Of the policeman had been
gladdened by the arrival Of a brand
new baby and saddened by the death of
the poll parrot. Polly had been a
bright bird. and strong on imitation.
The babys cries were a new note 20
Polly. and she essayed TO acquire them.
and the opinion given In the stcEy, with
I1adical authority quoted, was that
death had been due to heart failure.
induced by overexertion.
Good for Another Job.
THE main trouble with the story was
that 5dr. Copper had been married for
twenty years, and had never had either
a baby or a parrot-complication had
not figured on. The next morning Mrs
Copper got TO the office before the paper
was Dry. having. on reliable authority
touched nothing but the spire 81 the
cathedral and the roof OF the city hall
en- route l was just about is long in
getting out OF the Office after the Old
Man got through with me, and found
myself with abundant opportunity e
come 10 Washington and hunt lob"
BY and by, one by one, the gang put
on their coats and went home-or else
where.
In0INnlI ilrI0kI n0lhlRIt