Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1904-07-28
THE ROOSEVELT PLATFORM
What the chicago Declaration Means
When Translated Into Plain,
Everyday English.

The real republican platform is a
short document and rum as follows, as
translated by the st. Louis Republic:
I'VE are the Grand Old Party. We
are called a grand old fraud, the same
being obvious; but we don't mind SO
long as we are comfortable, which we
are, thank you; and we want to stay
where we are, because it pays.
We strenuously assert and insist
that everything everywhere is all right
and that everybody is satisfied. We
are perfectly satisfied with ourselves
and are unable to see that anything
We have ever done is wrong. We are
unable to view with anything but
alarm anything which any other party
under any circumstances whatever
would do. Prosperity is good enough
for us, and the people may go to.
There are no issues in this CAM
paign. There is no trust question.
The trusts are just as good as they
car be and Mr.. Roosevelt says that
they are very good. We like them our
selves, at any rate; which meal at
any rate of duty. Speaking of the tar
if, incidentally, we are its friends and
especially is it Il friend. We would
no more think of revising it than of
knocking the bottom out of our cam-
paign barrels. In fact, we will not
no, not while Pierpont lunches with
the president. Clipping the schedules
would be like cutting coupons green.
Let the good things run on and ripen
is our motto; and it is for us to
judge of what are and what are not
good things.
Somebody has said something about
a Doodle issue, but we ask the people
to forget it. If the G. o. p. can for
give its own offenders, surely the least
the people can do is to forget. The
most the people can do-well, we DOM
like to contemplate that. We love the
people, of course, but we are terribly
afraid of them.
I'VE love the black people more than
we do the whites. We love them SO
much just before election that we in
vite them to lunch. The rest of the
time the southern people can feed
them.
I'VE indorse everything Mr.. Roose-
welt has done. We don't like to, but
we are compelled to. We shall argue
that he is sane and 'safe'-but our
plan is to change the subject as soon
as possible.
THE constitution is a very old-fash-
toned document and doesn't compare
to Mr.. Roosevelt's ideas of govern
ment. 1t should never be allowed to
stand in his way. After all, what is
the constitution between friends-the
friends of protection, of monopoly and
Imperialism?
Speaking of imperialism-ours is a
great government, but it is nothing to
what it will be when Mr.. Roosevelt
gets through with it. Imperialism
among other things is a good excuse
for blowing ourselves. 1t means new
Offices and will help the organization.
The organization will help itself. We
believe in government of the %organiza-
ton, by the organization and especial
ly for the organization.
Having thus put everything beyond
all question, we call upon the people
to stand by us. We hope they will not
interrupt our era of prosperity. We
believe with Lincoln that you can fool
some of the people all of the time and
all of the people some of the time.
We should like to fool all of the peo-
pie all of the time, but, realizing the
impossibility of this, we shall be con-
tent to fool a majority of the people
one more time"