The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1904-04-20
THE VANITY OF Man.


Yesterday morning I found in the top
drawer of my chiffonier a clipping from
| the daily paper announcing a sale" Of
ladies' spring hats.
/ 4 really don't need this, dear" re-
marked, handing it to Polly, without
| even turning around.
What is it p asked Polly innocently,
| turning the paper over as though it
We're some strange, scientific specimen
"Oh, yes; the advertisement of the
! Bondbreaker sale How did it get
/ there? I must have dropped it when
was putting away your socks, after
mending them last Saturday. Do you
know, Jack, dear" she went on, let
! ting the paper fall to the floor with
beautiful Indifference, that never
really thought 1 should love any man
well enough to darn socks for himI"
I suppose" I remarked, looking
very severely at my shaving cup and
mixing the lather with a frmness and
a decision quite unnecessary under the
( circumstances, that I am about to be
| wheedled out of my last penny. Aud
/ l suppose you know, Mrs. Heavyfeat tn
er, that since that slump in P. D. Q.
we cannot afford bonnets, for in
| stance"
I was stirring the lather furiously by
| this time
Polly looked at me for moment in
| amazed reproach.
And L suppose you know" she re-
| torted warmly as soon as she had re-
| covered from my thrust, that if [
! wanted a spring bonnet I should know
/ better than to have left that clipping
where you could find it"
I dropped my brush with my face
/ half lathered.
Apparently" said I, sarcastically.
! there is a science in getting a spring
bonnet"
No" said Polly, wiping the stem of
a pink rose and tucking it in her hair,
but there is an art in managing a
man. A man is divided into three
parts; his heart, his soul and his van
1 ity. You might as well hail a motor
car on the wrong side of the street, as
to attempt to coerce or wheedle a man
without appealing to his vanity 1t is
| the woman who knows how to pay a
subtle compliment and who takes the
! time to do it every morning and most
afternoons, who has everything she
wants, from a diamond tiara to the
right arm of a policeman across a
crowded street. You may compliment
a man upon anything, from his nose
! to his necktie; from his brain to his
boots. 1t never really matters when
nor how nor upon what you compli-
ment him, SO that you do it skillfully
and often-especially often. You may
tell a. prize fighter that he should have
/ been a poet, or deaf mute that he is
| q charming conVerSationalist and
either of them will swallow the little
dose of fiattery like a sugar pill and
/ feel better for it afterward."
I drew a clean line down the middle
of my cheek with my razor before re-
plying.
4 perceive said I, when I had fin
ished, that managing a man is not so
much an art or a science as form of
war;
"oh. no. said Polly deprecatingly.
as she leaned forward to admire her
eyebrow in the mirror, cit is more like
a form of diplomacy. A woman could
no more win in open fight with a man
than Japan could whip Russia in open
/ field. But when it comes to strategy,
no
ton who understand how to make it
| pay, better than muscle and gunpow-
s'Oh. I see," I remarked scathingly,
4 like the bloody Russian have sailed
/ into the traps and the mines laid for
fne-and doubtless have swallowed
about a pound of soft soap since my
You look as though you might
have" gurgled Polly. gazing thought
fully at my lathered chin
And 1 suppose I continued, ignor-
ing the impertinence, that you i'm
agine 1 believe that I am wise and
clever and handsome and all the other
things that your fancy and your fiat
terry have painted.
ing at herself defantly In the glass;
every one of them.
I caught myself smiling at my shaw
ing mirror and Immediately, drew
grave face.
ence, if you were not any of them, as
far as that goes" went on Polly, Il d
think so. And if I didn't think so.
you'd think So And If you dtdn't t
think so, you'd like to be told so. It's
a funny thing. but it's true that a
man would rather be complmented
on the things he doesn't possess than
on those that he does possess A
villain always loves a woman who i'm
AGNES he is a pattern of honor. And
a little chap. the height of walking
cane and the sta ability of an organdie
frock, will die for you If you pretend
| to admire his muscle and lean upon
his strong right arm; and physical
giant adores you if you will only defer
to his opinions on art and science;
and u literary man always expects
YOU to admire the cut of his clothes
and rave over the curl and color of
his hair and-oh. I forgot! Now I
know how that slip of paper got into
your chiffonier drawer! 1t was the
| color OF your hair!
-of-my-hair?'
yes" said Polly, tripping over to
the chiffonier and pulling out a red
and yellow necktie that must have
cost 80 cents. if it cost a penny, Il
dropped it when I put this in there. 1
got this to match your hair. dear
bought it out of my lunch money and
what was left FROM
But my hair isn't yellow, Il OBJ
jected. brutally.
had the least bit of vanity you'd know
there is a streak of gold running
through it. and you'd dress in mauves
and browns and tans instead of blacks
and h.ues.''
but how about the red? I never
wear red" I grumbled.
well" said Polly. holding the tie
up meditatively Il did think of that
and 1 know that everybody cannot
wear red; but with your complexion
and that red-brown shade in your
eyes
oh I remarked, cynically, II am
relieved to hear that they're. red