Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1904-03-18
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a strong will!-New-Yorker.
How long shall I boil the eggs,
ma'am?" asked the cook. ST don't ex-
actly know" replied the young house
wife. ''but cook them until they are
real tender" Chicago Post.
MAUD said something clever about
that rich Chicago uncle Of hers"
What was it?" ''She said he was
born with a silver pie-knife in his
mouth. ."-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
How it felt: Maggie say, Chin
mie, when yer look inter dat restau-
rant winder don't it make yer mout'
water? Jimmie Hully gee!
it makes me mout' feel like a ship
buildin' trust.-Ex.
Nodd-AwfuIly sorry to hear your
house burned down. Did you save
anything? Todd-Oh. yes. After some
very lively work we succeeded in get
ting out all the things we didn't want.
Town and Country.
Easy error: La Montt-Made a ter
rible blunder to-day. Saw a man in a
rubber suit and cap. and asked him if
he was sewer-cleaner. La Moyne-
Who was he? La Montt- Millionaire
chauffeur Chicago News.
"Well, SNOWFALL said the patron to
the dusky waiter, chow did you ever
come by a name like that "Well,
sab, was born in Chicago. Reckon
yer never seed Chicago SNOWFALL.
sahr'-Yonkers Statesman.
| I hear you're dissatisfied with your
doctors bill" eyes. don't think he's
entitled to two hundred and fifty dol
lars for that operation" "Why not?'
| Because if he was he'd claim more"
l-Philadelphia Puplic Ledger.
A way she has: Morton-Is Mrs.
| Styles much of talker? Norton
Much Of a talker I should say so!
1t is impossible for her to play soli-
taire intelligently-she has so much to
say to herself, you know" boston
Transcript.
A question: She-Charles, dear,
how many teeth does baby have?
He-I don't know. But I think that.
after the way I've walked the floor for
the last six months, ours ought to have
at least hundred and fifty by this
time.-Detroit Free Press.
Howes-Don't like this cold wealth
er. eh? Why, only last summer you
were complaining Of the heat. Barnes
Not of the heat itself, but rather be-
cause of its untimeliness. 1t would be
all right If reserved for such weather
as this.-Boston Transcript.
Mr.. Trucker-I think shall give up
my business, my dear. I might as well
have some good out of my money. Mrs.
Trucker-Oh, not yet, Samuel. But
when one Of us dies. shall give up
housekeeping and see a little of the
world.-Town and Country.
Wife-There was a man. around to-
day selling big brass burglar alarm
bells to put on the front Of the house,
so ordered one. Husband-What!
You know we haven't anything worth
stealing. Wife, know, but it will
make the neighbors think we have
Philadelphia Ledger.
Editor in Chief Ito Office boy)-Ben-
ME, where's the theater tickets I sent
you after? Bennie-I forgot 'em. City
Editor-Bennie, where's that paste
sent you for? Bennie-I forgot it.
Sporting Editor-Bennie, what was
Jack Glasscock's battin' average in
1888? Bennie promptly)-Threeh hum
dred and eighty y-six.-Clevel Lead
er
TI1rT with mn tn ha
Jenks-No, thank you. I'll stay at
home. My oldest daughter does the
kangaroo walk. my second daughter
talks like parrot, my son laughs like
a hyena, my wife watches me like
hawk, my cook is as cross as a bear,
and my mother-in-law says I'm an old
gorilla. When I go anywhere I want
a change.-Tit-Bits.
Icy.-"Didn't you git no money from
dat woman yer held up?" asked the
first footpad. ''Naw," replied the 9th.
er, shivering slightly; ,'she wuz from
Boston" .'Well, Boston people has
money" "Mebbe dey has, but when
sez to her, Money or yer life, lady,
she sez, How dare ye speak ter me
widout de formality Of Introduction 2
sez she an leaves me froze iff.'-i
Philadelphia Press.
II thought" said the irate strap
hanger, you claimed when trying to
get the franchise that you proposed to
build the road for the benefit Of the
public?' MY dear sir" replied the di-
rector Of the soulless corporation, who
occasionally condescended to patronize
his own cars, ''the road was built for
the benefit Of the public, but it is run
for the benefit of the fficials."-Chica-
60 Daily News.
There was once minister in Hart |
ford" says Mark Twain, who had a |
LOT of bows in his Sunday school who