The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1904-03-23

The landlndy's husband could take
joke. especially when II WIS on mo,
and Mt breakfast we became very good
friends. He invited me to his club,
and we=and the legal limbs spent the
afternoon there. Ills face grew big.
ger and jollier each hour, and finally
he became very confidential. Refer
ring To his own peccadtlloes, he made
the statement that he had the best
natured wife In the world. had no
reason TO controycrt this, but he SEEM
cd To think that doubted 1t and went
on TO accumulate testimony.
we've never had n quarrel yet,
though we've been married sixteen
years" he declared. "l'll bet that no
matter Whit | might do when | go
home she'd smile through 1t ALL
This didn't interest me. but my legal
guardian seemed curious. He even
went so far AS to doubt our friend.
1t wasn't long before they had patch
ed up some sort of wager between
them The husband WIS to go home to
supper, appear intoxicated, raise Il row,
break dishes and otherwise generally
make nm ass of himself. II his wife
kept her temper it was on the sheriff,
and Vice versa
Bill-hIs name was William jerks
started off ahead. We were TO follow
at distance and observe results from
the yard Bin began TO tottcr and sway
us he nearcd the house. and presently
Mrs. j. ran out of the front gate TO
meet him She picked up his hat from
the ground, brushed 1t and put 1t on
and then kissed him; then she guided
his uncertain legs into the house. When
We reached the window which looked
iuto the parlor we saw Blll sitting on
the floor, bowling incoherencies Mt his
wife. WHO was trying TO help him pull
off his shoes. When they were of. he
commanded, Put 'em on the mantel-
piece" And she did 1t. Then he got
up aud staggered across the room ind
fell Just before he reached IL sofa.
What did yer pull sofa way for2"
he howled.
"Oh, William, forgive me! didn't
know I'm SO awkward. Did you hurt
yourselfT And she tried TO help him
up. But he wouldn't get up and con
tiuued to abuse her like plcSpocket
OIL, {,,J 1, 10, f,,t,
dining room and sit down at the sup
per table, As II prelude he SHE'D II
tcacup past her head and against the
wnll. Then he pulled away the table
cloth, and with it the dishes, and sat
down ON the floor amid the ruins.
What did that wonder of woman
do but plump down on the floor In front
Of him and say, with smile as Of graf
flied pleasure: "Why, William, isn't
this nice? We haven't euten on the
floor since we were married. SO Ike
the old picnic days" Then she tried
TO rcnrranEc the broken crockery and
rescue the supper. II was too much for
me, and guess Bill thought he had
gone far enough, for he began TO smile
and abandoned his assumed Inebriety.
"NIary, my dear" he said, II brought
home II couple of friends to supper.
They're outside and"-
brought home friends to support
cried his wife, jumping 10 her feet.
brought them home TO supper, did
you, without notice to me, when you
knew II was Sally's afternoon out! I'll
teach you" And she set both hands
in his hair and shook him. "ifve stood
your freaks for sixteen years and been
patient and loving, but this Is more
than human nature Is capable of.
Friends No warning! What would
they think Of mef"
our entrance relieved the tragedy,
but jerks was terror stricken. The
surprise was too much for him. For
the first time he realized that even the
most docilc of women have rcserva-
tions and that every worm has some
turning point He finally explained
the Joke, and 1t was received with his
wifc's smiles. lie wns desperately
anxious 10 square himself. and then
and there presented her with $50, 10
which the sheriff added the ten dollar
bill which he insisted hc had lost on
the wager / saw jerks the following
evening you'll never guess" he said,
"what that woman did with the thlr-
ty."
I acknowledged my incapacity to
cope with the subject.
thought me smoking Jacket, a
mccrschaum pipe and three boxes Of
Hayanas. And, my boy" he added,
1--WE quit drinking She's so good that
I'm going 10 see all can of her in my
lifetime for wen keep house separate