Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1904-01-09
THE GREAT TELEPHONE TRAGEDY
Every Family Should Have One.
ACT I.
Characters.

acter that beggars description.
Wrong numbers, butters-in and other i'm
portant parts taken by competent ladies
and gentlemen.
Time-morning Scene-sitting room Of a
well-appointed house.
Curtain rises showing Mrs. Wealthy sew
ing peacefully. The telephone hangs In
manner more incorporating than orna-
mental just where ray of sunlight, dane
ing from one bell to the other. gives 1t the
unaccountable appearance OF winklns
Enter Lucy. the fox.)
Lucy-"Please ma am, the cook says the
grocer hasn't sent part of the order, ana
IL she don't have 1t In half an hour II WILL
be too late for her to fix for dinner. Hadn't
l better put on my things and run over 70
Green's? It's only the next square"
Mrs. Wealthy-"Certainly not, Lucy. In
Lucy-"That's just what cook says.
ma'am, but had just as soon put on my
coat
Mrs. Wealthy-'Why, Lucy. that is child
ish. Ring up Mr.. Green and tell him to
send the things over at once. 1t is II now.
They Will be here in ten minutes. am
sure"
Gucy goes to the telephone, which gives
forth a strange chuckling sound. She re-
CARDS it with disfavor, but takes the re-
ceiver. placing 1t to her ear. Silence. The
clock ticks with sudden loudness. Lucy
moves the receiving hook gently up and
down, as per directions. More silence.
Lucy changes weight from left foot to
right. Buzz-buzz. Crack-crack-yes-you
are-no-buzz whizz Silence)
Uucy moves the receiver violently up and
DOWN.
shrill voice-''Number. please"
Lucy with spirit-North 1122-Z, please.
No. 1122, 1122. 1122. No, I'll Not T! No.
not E! My number is a, but
Mans voice-"Hello, who is it?''
Lucy (cheerfully)-"Mr. Green, will you
r1o
Mans voice (scornfully)-"This amt no
Mr.. Green. Ring off,
Lucy working the receiver energetically)
Central. central. you gave me the wrong
1929, please. Yes, North 1122-hello,
hello"
Very grufr voice-"Hello; go ahead"
Lucy (pleasantly)-"Will you please send
v. G.: v.-"say. did you want the
Lucy with a scream)-"No! Good
gracious!'
v. G. v.-"Well it's what you got Good
bye"
Lucy with ominous gentleness)-"Central,
central; no, want central Walt minute,
I'm using the line. Central. Yes, had 1t
first. beg your pardon, ma am. have
been trying to get number for some time.
Central. Oh, central, will you please try
to get me North 1122z. Yes. the same num-
Der. a."
(silence. buzz-buzz. Silence. Then .
sharp voice, suddenly)-"Hello, there"
Lucy with last remnant of hope)-"Is this
Mr.. Green's grocery store?"
The sharp voice-"Grocery store! It's the
White House."
Lucy almost in tearsl-"Oh, no. I beg
your pardon. Central. will you give me my
numberr
Central (tartly)-'I don't see what you
are 30 impatient about. I'm ringing It for
you as hard as l can. What humber do
w a 20 h,,cv
Uucy happens to glance at. the clock
which says noon.)
Lucy-"I guess I'll give 1t up, ma am, az
1t Is too late. anyway"
wrong with the phone this morning, Lucy"
Lucy Respectfully leaving the room)-
No. ma'am. think it's just the same as
usual"
ACT H.
Mr.. Johnson. central and a woman's
voice.
Scene-A business office down town.
Time-Middle of the day
(Mr. Breezy has secured seats for the
theater, and wishes to let his wife know,
In order that she may be prepared to &C
company him.
Mr.. Breezy-"wait minute. Johnson. and
In go to lunch with you, with pleasure 1t
won't take me a second to telephone my
wife about those seats. Get your coat and
hat on. and III be through before you are
ready to go" Goes to the telephone)
Mr.. Breezy-"Central,' in a bland CON-
versational tone; 'oh, central, please give
me North 1e1O-L. No, North No, 1910.
Oh, II What do you mean, miss7 said
l.! Ii I'll have you to know I'm not a
profane man at any time. Hello, is that
you, dear? have two tickets for the
theater tonight. You have nothing else on
hand, have you? I'm glad you are so
pleased. Well. If thought you cared as
much as that we could have gone before.
This is your poor deluded husband who is
talking to you. What, dead! Indeed, you'll
md he Is very much alive. So you accept
theater invitations from other men, do
101O-L-
Madam, I humbly beg your pardon. l
apologize from the bottom of my heart.
central has given me the wrong number,
that Is ALL
johnson. you darn fool! No. madam.
was speaking to some one else. Goodbye"
(Mr. Breezy sinks breathlessly into his
chair, repulses Johnson's friendly advances
plucks up courage and tries it once more.)
Central, you gave me the wrong number.
WHAT'S that? You can't guess what num-
Der ! want You amt no Clara voyant?
and try to give me North 1O1O-L. wait a
minute. You misunderstood me. I did
not mean anything disrespectful Listen.
When said be good girl But listen a
minute. Nothing was further from nv
mind. never doubted you were a lady.
have the fullest confidence in your mother,
likewise. / don't doubt your father holds
a high position. But please, please give me
North 101O-L. Busy? (SlamD
Come on. Johnson. / need lunch"
(End of second act)
Act III.
Characters:
Mrs. Young Husband and Mr. Young Hus-
band.
Time-Night.
Scene-Dining room, just before dinner.
Mrs. Y. H.-"While we are waiting for
dinner l will ring up Mrs. Jones, who said
something about having game of cards
tonight, and ask her If she wants us to
come down." Goes to 'phone)
Mrs. Y. H.-"Central." Pause9 "Oh
central. North 1892. please. Hello, is this
Mrs. Jones? No. the wrong number? Ex-
cuse me. Central" Qong pause) Cen
trail, 1882, please. No, some one else an
swered. Hello. is this Mrs. Jones? Why,
what Is your number? l cannot under
stand why they keep ringing you Pardon
me again. Central. central" Gong 81
lence.) Central, will you please ring 1882?
They won't answer? Why, you haven't
rung them yet. Now. central, please do
not reply tn me I'm that manner Won 70