davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1904-03-02
Emancipntion,. Woes.

First Clubwoman "a few years
hence)-Men are enough TO drive a
woman crazy.
Second Clubwoman-Ind, ed they are.
First Clubwoman-Only think For
club terribly late, and yet. when went
home, didn't find my husband waiting
at the top of the stairs to upbraid me
for neglect. The heartless brute was
in bed, sleeping like top, and actual
ly smiling in his dreams.-N. Y.
Weekly.
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1904-03-02
Doesn't Rub It In,

Jackson-It's pleasure to play bill
lizards with Parker.
Johnston-H'm! You can beat him.
Ell?
Jackson-No; he beats me about fow
games out of five.
Johnston-Then where does the pleas
ure come in?
Jackson-Why, he never remarks that
when he was younger he could play E
good game Brooklyn Life.
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1904-03-02
A Remedy surwe.tcl.

ut seems to me" said Mrs. Oldcas-
tie, that the proletariat is becoming
more and more difficult to manage"
Yes" replied her hostess, Josiah
thinks SO, too. but his idea is that
if people wouldn't eat SO hearty just
before goin' to bed very few of them
would ever have it."-Chicago Record
Herald
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1904-03-02
Another Warning.

81 have just been reading the ac-
count of a railway wreck in which ev-
ery occupant of the smoking carriage
was more on less injured, while. the rest
Of The passengers in the train escaped
without harm" said old Hodge.
There, Ezra, cried Mrs. Hodge, tri
unphantly, there is another warning
AGAINST the use of tobacco. ".-Tit S.
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1904-03-02
Not Much differences,

The candidate will soon come forth
And shake you by the hand,
And show you what great plans he has
To benefit the land.
And when he gets the place he seeks,
You'll note with mild dismay
The world he promised to reform
Plods on. the same old way.
Washington Star
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1904-03-02
A Corrected Bill.

Householder-Did the master plumber
make the corrections in that bill re-
turned to him?
Coliector-Yes, sir, and he found an
oyercAarge of two dollars.
aha! Just as l said.''
"Yes, sir; but it took him about On
hou. to look up the items, and he
charges five dollars an hour for his time.
Thee dollars more, please. IN. Y.
Weekly
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1904-03-02
Not So Much; of II Change

Canada, Wishing to give a Chfnafnan
whom lit exported to the United States.
"a change pt.Gimate, put him in a. refrig-
orator car. The comparative mildness
of the latter atmosphere, remarks the
Louisville, Herald, proved fatal to the
calnstial ~ "
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1904-03-02
Naturally Adapted.

The man who has the worry of a
business on his mind really has the
most responsibility"
Well" SAID Mrs. Bliggins, II guess
Josiah will be great man one of these
days. He don't care much about actual
work, but he'll take almost any bust.
ness you mention and sit down and
worry about it by the hour Wash
ington Star,
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1904-03-02
Vow She Rules the Hoo.t.

stir,
And now he's her darling Jim;"
For tully five years he dictated to her,
l'u. now she's debating to him.
Workers Statesman
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1904-03-02
Just what Birdie Needed.

Birdie McHennepin and her brother
were in the country.
"Oh, see that" exclaimed Birdie.
See what?" inquired the stoical
John.
why, see that little cloudlet just
above the wavelet, like tiny leaflet
dancing DER the scene!"
'Oh, come, you had better go out
to the pumplet in the back yardlet and
soak your little headlet "-Tit:Bits
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1904-03-02
Customer bringing back parrot

Customer bringing back parrot to
a bird dealer>-What did you mean by
telling me thyt this bird could talk?
He hasn't saiii word since l bought
him.
Daalar-You probably. haven't beea
quiet long enough to give him a
chance -Meggendorfer Blaetter
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1904-03-02

What are they?" queried the student
'Fire-water and wind" replied the
man of wisdom, winking his other eye
Cincinnati Enquirer.
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1904-03-02
Similar, Hut Different.

Professor" asked the inquisitive STU
dent, are the three elements, fire, wa
ter and air, political elements?"
NO" replied the professor, but the
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1904-03-02

Shea girl seldom lnarrics her frs.
.Jye. ;. ia
He--Thats so. The custom OF tn. da?
acquires that she slall wait for he: firN
"lovol philadelphia Ledger.
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1904-03-02
The ncviynl of Tatting.

Tatting, lhe old.time fancy work of.
SO years ago, is quite the fad, but it
takes nimble and delicate fingers to co
! it, we'll. Exquisite Hork, beautiful as
cobweb lace, ,cften original in Gesigli.
can be made with 70 more expensive
materials than a.s.E!.ule and spool of
finest cotton
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1904-03-02
In Real Life.

He had just been urging her to play
for him, bilt she turned petulantly
from the piano.
u wonder she said "if men are all
o1il,a
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1904-03-02

"Ho" d. yson mean?" he asked.
Well, MIR. Bnlss says that before
marriage they a.nays want you to play
for them, ami ate marriage they al
ways want you to work for them. -
Brooklyn Eaglc
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1904-03-02
Positive Order.

"I'll bet" said Galley. scornfully,
that you didn't do the proposing; dol
lars to doughnuts your wife asked you
, to marry her"
90! No; you're wrong" replied H5n-
peck.
"Oh! Come Off"
"No. She didn't ask me to marry
her. She told me to. Philadelphia
Press
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1904-03-02
OH. How Sau-1.

&, Bill.-A man downtown took his aia,m
Cock asnr,f Set it On the railroad tracks.
Ul!-Well, what of IL?
why; EVEN that didn't disturb Ito
.,eeDers, rYonkers Statesman.
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1904-03-02
He Wa. willing to Judge

Bobby wss visiting at his Aunt
Martha's, and when he was asked st
the dinner table which kind of pie he
liked best, apple, mince or pumpkin.
he replied, after thinking it over q
few moments:
Il don't know exactly, auntie.
guess you had better give me piece
of each SO that can find out.'-N. Y.
Herald.
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1904-03-02

"Why, what happens III the weoCshed
when pa gets home after you've been
naughty" was the prompt reply -Bos-
ton Budget. 49,
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1904-03-02
ono Dc.cr;ution Of II.

What" asked the teacher. Go you
understand by the strenuous lifc?'
Does it convey any meaning to you?"
Sure replied the bad boy.
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1904-03-02

Mrs. Newlyblessed-Don' you think
baby is the perfect picture of his fata-.
er?
Her brother (critically)-Yes he Is
the very comic valentine OF HIM
Brooklyn Eagle.
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1904-03-02

Pearls In S!Aswel Shells.
Pearls are sometimes found in massel-:
shells -. =. :. -,
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1904-03-02

Stand nrooms Upside Down.
Don't stand brooms on their broom.
end, but upside Gown in the corner.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1904-05-18

1t VIII be remembered that much
trouble Has caused last year by the
enforcement Of the law prohibiting
dogs running at large during the clos
ed season for game. The law, as it
then stood, read as follows:
1t shall be unlawful for any owner,
lessee or custodian Of any dog to per-
NIT such dog to run at large in woods
or fields inhwbited by rabbits or game
birds, except when same dog is in
custody or charge of its owner, lessee
or custodian, during the close season
herein provided for hare commonly
known as rabbit under a penalty of
$50 for each offence.
1t has been amended so as to read
1t shall be unlawful for any owner,
lessee or custodian Of any dog to per
nit such dog to run at large in woods
or fields inhabited by rabbits or game
birds, except only between the first
day of October and the first day of
February following; provided, how
ever, that at all other times during the
year, such deg or dogs may be allowed
to run when the owner. lessee OF Gus
todian Is with such dog or dogs; hut
at no time shal any dog be allow
Ell to run rabbits at night under a
penalty of $50 foI each offence and it
is further provided that tins act shall
in no wise apply to fields er woods
inhabited hx deer.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1904-05-18
GETTYSBURG AND WASHINGTON.
Personally Conducted Tour via Pennsyl-
Vania Railroad.

The battlefield of Gettysburg, and
the National Capital in all the glory
of its Spring freshness, are attractions
SO alluring that few would feel like
these two attractions within easy reach
of every one that the Pennsylvania
Railroad Company announces tour
over the interesting battlefield,
through the picturesque valleys of
Maryland, and an entertaining stay
at Washington.
The tour will leave New York, West
Twenty third Street, ! IS A NJ, and
Philadelphia le 80 T. NJ, Saturday,
May IS, in charge of one Of the Com
pany's tourist agents, and will cover
period of six days. An experienced
chaperon, whose especial charge will
be nnescorted ladies', will accompany
the party throughout. Round-trip
tickets, covering transportation, car
riage drives, and hotel modations,
will he sold Mt the extremely low rate of
S22 from New York, S2t from Trenton,
$40 from Philadelphia, and proper
tionate rates from other points.
For itineraries and full information
apply to ticket agents Tourist Agent,
26s Fifth Avenue, New York, Court
Street, Brooklyn; 7s9 Broad Street
Newark, \. j.; or address Geo. w.
Boyd, General Passenger Agent,
Broad Street Station, Philadelphia.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1904-05-18
TIE CAPE OF GOOD HOPE.
I Was at First known as the Cape
of All the Storms

oL storms.
An early navigator, Bartholomew
Diaz, commissioned by King John H.
of Portugal TO continue the work of
African exploration down the west
coast, sailed from Lisbon in August,
l4S6. with small force and landed at
several places, of which he took pos
session in the name of his master.
AS he approached the southern ex-
tremity of the continent he was blown
out TO sea by a tremendous storm and
doubled the Cape without knowing il.
Land was not again made until the
mouth Of the Great Fish river was
sighted, and the ships came to anchor
in Algoa bay. \ council held there de-
cided to return home, and on the way
back the Cape was discovered and
chrlstened by the commander. in re-
membrance of his first experience,
Cabo Tormentoso. or Cabo DIES Todos
les Tormientos; that is, Cape of All the
Storms.
Nheh the discovery was reported to
the king he Immediately saw the i'm
mense possibilities of new road to the
Indies and bestowed upon it the hap
pier name of the Cape of Good Hope.
By singular corruption of its first
title the Cape was long known to Eng
hsh seamen as the Cape of Torments,
and the legend of the Flying Dutch
man was localized there by a misun-
outstanding of the experiences of this
Portuguese expedition.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1904-05-18

Lust yoar scientific circles were agl-
tated over mosquitoes, and some of
the government entomologists ineu-
bnted much literature regarding their
destruction and the assertion that
they inocuate human beings with
fever germs. Tho mosquito still
thriyea and does its work. There has
recently arrived in New Orleans, from
Gnba, n consignment of GOO live mos
qnitoes en- route to st. Louis. They
are kept in IL cage and fed on sugar
and water. Their eggs are Matched
in short time and the species IL kept
in existence III this way, since the
youngest take the place of those which
die. II il assumed that microbes are
hequenthed,
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1904-05-18

The umbrella tree is found in Ceylon
in greater profusion than anywhere
else In the world. AS II matter of scien-
tiiic fact, these trees grow to their
greatest height and attain to their
greatest size in very wet. rainy coun-
tries. This growth frequently is due
TO the fact that the tree requires n
great deal of moisture and not because
1t is needed to keep off the rain. The
tree forms so complete an umbrella
shelter under its spreading branches
The foliage is, as rule, SO thick that it
serves TO keep Off the rain almost per
fectly even In heavy downpour.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1904-05-18

The milk question is looming up at
fearful rate In Boston the author
tiles will not allow milk to he sold above
fifty degrees Of temperature. Milk
wagons musi.have refrigerating es-
adjustment, and even these have to
he inspected The object of the low
temperature is to prevent the null
tiplicaiion Of bacteria. Any milk con
tanning more than 800 900 of these in
divIdnals in six.one- hundredths of
q cubic inch is liable to condemna-
ton. Milk with less than 5000, 600
bacteria to the cubic inch is whole
Some enough to drink. There is moth
ing like science in Boston.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1904-05-18
SHOOTING STARS.
They Are simply Falling Masses OF
stony or Metallic Matter.

ihey Are Simply Falling Masses OF
stony or Metallic Matter.
railing stars are masses of stony o.
metallic matter which, moving freel,
through space. approach so near to tn.
earth as TO penetrate and traverse the
upper regions of our atmosphere. Rails
ed to white heat by friction with the
AIR, owing TO their immense velocity.
which averages thirty-fve miles a sec
ond, they become luminous and often
leave a trail of light.
several well defined groups or
swarms of these bodies revolve around
the sun In elliptic orbits. which are
periodically encountered by the earth.
such are the Lyrids april 1922, the
Leonids (Nov. 14-16) and Andromedids
NOV. 23-24, so called because they
seem TO radiate from a point within
inc consultations after which they are
respectively named.
II Is computed that no fewer than
twenty millions of these bodies enter
Tue earths atmosphere daily. each one
VI winch, under favorable conditions,
would be distinctly visible. Occasion
any they reach the earth in solid form
OUT showing signs of recent fusion of
ah outer layer. They vary in weight
from some hundreds of hounds 10 n.
single grain. Their principal chemical
eohsutuents are iron, magnesium. sill.
eoh' oxygen, nickel and cobalt.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1904-05-18

aou seldom will find brainy man
WIN round head. The head that
CONTAINS lots of brains either is very
'ohs from front to back or else ir-
suiar' You can learn something Of
= man mental ability by the hat he
" mears' II his head is so bumpy that
- ms as IL he never could get hat
~ u. nun he probably is a genius or
= =, .raek-a-1ack in some particular line.
- ms head is long from front to back
- is a clear thinker and smart as
p. 90 II Your hat costs more mon
'nah your friends hat does and
you are harder TO fit be consoled by
sons'dering that your brain is worth
more.-New York Press.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1904-05-18

Most OF the American toothpicks
come from Franklin county, in Maine,
near the forest home of the white
birch, ont of which % per cent. of the
domestic tooth picks are made. This
wood IL soft aud pliahle aud of admir-
able resistance for the purpose for
which 1t is used. Whole mills in
Maine are devoted to supplying the
country with toothpieks, and in the
industry is to be found some of the
finest aud most intricate Of machin-
cry. So tremendous is the output of
these machines that in n brief season,
during the spring. enough toothpicks
can be made To supply the markets of
the entire country for the year to
come. A further idea Of the capacity
of the machines mny he had from the
fact that only II hundred mon are ne
mills in Franklin county. Other
mills of this kind are scattered
throughout Pennsylvania aud Massa-
chusotts and Western New York, but
the real home of the toothpick is in
Maine. White birch is not the only
wood used for the domestic toothpick,
maple aud poplar being employed as
well, but birch has the property of
retaining its forest odor and sweet
ness.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1904-05-18

There are ut least two recorded In
stances in which bees have been used
MS weapons of defense in war. When
the Roman general Lucullus WIS war
ring against Mithridates. he sent n
force against the city of Themiscyra.
As they bcsiegcd the walls the inhabit-
units threw down on them myriads of
an attack, which resulted in the rails
ing of the siege. These doughty little
insects were also once used with equal
success I'm England. Chester was be-
sieged by the Danes and Norweglans,
but It's Saxon defenders threw down on
them the beehiVes of the town. and
the siege was soon raised.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1904-05-18
A WONDERFUL ANIMAL.
The Turtle Is Peculiar Creature
In Many Respects.


Almost alone among Gods creatures,
the turtle has but a single enemy
man. 1t does not seem TO matter TO
the turtle whether he stays beneath
the surface for an hour or a week, nor
does It trouble him TO spend an equal
time on land If the need arises. He IL
neither fish, flesh nor fowl, yet his
flesh partakes Of the characteristics of
all three Eating seems a mere super
fluffy With hin, since for weeks at
time he may be headed up in a barrel
with the bung OUT and emerge after
his long fast apparently none the
worse for his enforced abstinence from
food, from light and almost from
air, and, finally, 1t may be truly said
that of all the higher, warm blooded
organisms there is none so tenacious
of life as the turtle. ! can truly say
that ! have seen the flesh cleared out
of turtle shell and hung up on tree,
where for hours the quiyering, con-
vulsive movements of the muscles
went on. Not only SO, but on one &C.
casiou only the head and tail were left
attached to the shell. Some time had
elapsed since the meat had been cut
out of the earaRaee. and ne one could
have imagined that any life remained
in tie cxtremities But q young Dane
noticing that tie down hanging head
lad its mouth wide open, very foolish
y inserted two fingers between those
horny mandibies They closed, and
err shipmate vas two fingers short.
Tie edges Of the turtles jaw had taken
them off clean, with only the muscular
power remaining in the head Signor
Redi once cut a turtles head off and
noted that it lived for twenty-three
days without n head, and another
whose brain he removed lived for six
months. apparently unconscious that
it had suffered any loss.-Leslie's
Monthly
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1904-05-18
BALLOON SPIDERS.
They Voyage mt Great Heights over
Sen nv Well ms Land.

They Voyage mt Great Heights over
Sen Well ns Land.
Given steady breeze aud free
course there is practically no limit To
the distance which ballooning spider
may traverse. The writer has taken
orb weayers from their snuggeries I'M
der divers sheltering projections at the
highest attainable point on the dome
of st. Peters In Rome, whittier they
had doubtless been carried by the wind
when younglings. One may see flecks
of gossamer afioat at far greater
heights. Seafaring folk often note
spider balloons speeding by them at
sea or entangled upon various parts of
the vessel Darwin in his famous
voyage OF the Beagle, when sixty
miles from land saw great numbers of
small spiders with their webs. When
they first came in contact with the rig
ging they We're seated upon threads,
and while hanging to these the slight
est breath of air would bear them out
of sight THUS. though so far from
land, the wee voyagers were still moy-
ing on over the main.
y steamship captain told the writer
of like observation made by him.
While sailing along the eastern coast
of South America during the month of
March his ship WAS covered with lnnu-
merable spider webs He was then
more than 200 miles from land, about
400 miles south of the equator. The
wind was blowing from the continent.
The spiders seemed like elongated
balls" said the captain, with Il sort of
umbrella canopy above them. They
settled upon the sails and rigging and
| finally disappeared MS they came. You
| know" he added, that 1t is not I'M
usual for birds TO be blown out TO sea.
How much easier for a spider. proyid-
cd he has the means to keep himself
suspended in the air."-H. c. MeCook.
LII. D., in IIarper's Magazine.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1904-05-18

There is widespread opinion that
the government q the United States
is very expensive because The Con.
gress aIIToWiates ahoui one billion
of dollars d, it, taa sessions. The De.
FaftmeHt Of Commerce and Labor has
been looking mic Tie matter aud
finds as follows fhe amount Of mon
e per capita q the population neces-
s4rY Il lie raised ior the Government
Is in the United States, S7.97; in Ger
many, S941; in Spain. 5000; in
France. Sl7.S4, in Great Britian,
81 -. IN New Zealand, SIS IS.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1904-05-18
T,mc- HIVE Changed.

Once upon time superstition ex-
listed that lady ought to blame, her
self IL n man whom she did not intend
TO accept proposed TO her. but that.
should such an unpleasant incident oc-
eur. 1t was Mt least not TO be made n
subject of gossip among her acqualnt-
ances. Parents thought 1t incumbent
upon them 10 let n man understand
In time If they did not wish him as n
son-in-law. 1t Is needless TO remark
that such honorable rcticence and
kindly prudence are quite out of fash
ion.-London Standard.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1904-05-18
THE OLD RELIABLE.

Phoenix Peetoral will cure yonr
cough. You can rely upon it. 1t
gives quick relief, heals the sore lung
surfaces, stimulates the secretions and
loosens the cough. One or two doses
VIII bring you restful sleep in place of
raeking cough-comfort i'll place of
distress. Large relief, little cost. Price,
. cents. Sold by all dealers in medi-
cines
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1904-05-18
OVERHEARD ON THE PIKE.

Mr. Easy" Why should people visiting The
Exposition at night. uso more Aliens Foot
Ease than in daytimeg"
Miss foote--" Because under the brilliant
illumination of the grounds, every foot be-
comes an acrei"
Mr. Easy" Fair Only fair Pray, conduct
me to the nearest drug store and | promise
never to accept substitute for you or for Al
lens Fooi-Ease"
roof NOTE The mum ,cW ~ made one
IN Juae.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1904-05-18
wbv He Remained Home

Model Husband Qoastfully) - Yes,
gentlemen, I've been married ten years
and never spent night away from
home yet.
Doubling Thomas Large and inter
esting family, eh2
"Only three of u.s."
"Havc one child, ch"
mo; the other is my wife's mother"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1904-05-18
The Appetite of kitty

The number of wild animals sold as
pets TO private families in this country
is said 10 be beyond belief, but the
families generally return the beasts
before long TO the dealer. A writer Oh
this wild beast traffic In Leslie's
Monthly says that one animal dealer
who recently sold lion cub 10 lady
received only two months afterward
letter from her saying: please come
and take Kitty away. She has eaten
our Newfoundland dog"