Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1904-12-23

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Cora-What is your favorite pet in
the animal world? Dora-Man-Chi
cago Chronicle.
What are you plunging back in the
water for. Pat? You just swan
ashore" "Shure. Oi had to save meself
first; now Oi'm going back to fetch
Moike."
Teacher-Now, Tommy, If you had
twelve plums and your little brother
asked you for one-half of them, how
many would you have left? Tommy
promptly)-Twelve.
Mrs. Backlotz-So your servant girl
has left you again? Mrs. Subbubs-
Yes. Mrs. Backlotz-What was the
matter? Mrs. Subbubs-She didn't like
the way 1 did her work.-Philadelph
Press
Bright Boy-I'm chip Of the old
block, amt 1, pa? Fond Father-Yes,
my son. B. B.-An' you're the head O.
the family, amt you, pa? F. F.-Yes.
my son. B. B.-Then you're block
head, amt you, pa?
Clara overheard her parents talking
about Bible names. rs my name in
the Bibles" she asked. mo, dear"
Didn't God make me :" eyes" '"Then
why didn't he say something about
1t?"-Harper's Magazine.
Fair Passenger-Won't you have
paper, sir? Hoggly- y-Why-er-what
makes you offer me paper? Fair Pas
senger-I thought you'd be more COM
Portable while women are standing if
you could hide your face!-Ex.
Teacher sentence, "My father
had money" is in the past tense. Now,
Mary, what tense would you be speak
ing in if you said, my father has
money!? Little Mary-Oh, that would
be. pretense.-London Tit-Bits.
Policeman-Why, my little dear, If
you can't tell me your mothers name
or where she lives, how are we to find
her? Little Girl Qost while out shop
ptng)-Jes, put me in a shop window
an mammall be sure to see me.
What is eounter-irritantY asked
Mrs. Smithers. "a counter-irritant,"
replied Smithers, ''is a woman who
makes the clerk pull down everything
from the shelves for two. hours and
then buys four cents worth of hair
pins"
'Never mind" said the friend, sooth-
fngly, you'll wake up some morning,
and find yourself famous Not
much:" growled the pessimistic poet,
ut would be- Just my luck to oversleep
myself that morning. ng.''-Philadelphia
Press.
Mother-What! Fighting again?
Such a black eye! If you'd only fol-
low the lead of the minister's little
boy TOMMY did try to, but
he led agen wild his right, an dat's
where he biffed me.-Philadelphia
Ledger.
w. Professor Robert, do you know the
meaning of the word precipice, or
bluff? Robert-Yessir. Professor-You
may give me an example. Robert
can lick you with one hand. Profes-
What's that? -, Robert
That's a bluff.
Mrs. Dearborn-Were you married
in June? Mrs. Wabash-Yes; once on
the fifth, once on the eighth and on
the tenth, and another time on the
but I've switched off to Oc-
tober; that's my marrying month now!
Statesman.
Shocked Mother-My boy, my boy,
what became of that last piece of pie 1
left in the cupboard and told you not
to disturb? Little Oscar-I eated it.
Mother-And what would you
call an act like that? Little Oscar
Disturbing the piece, I suppose.-Buf
falo Commercial.
Husband-Why do you scold the
butcher? 1t isn't his fault that the
meat comes to the table all dried up.
Scold the cook. Wife-I don't dare to;
but I'm in hopes that if I keep on
the butcher, he'll get mad,
New York Weekly.
Kilmore-After all, Stedman isn't SO
bad fellow. He came to me, man
and took back all the things he
had said against my people. Burman
Did it voluntarily? practically that
1t is true threatened to shoot him on
sight If he didn't retract; but that was
only matter of detail. Boston
Church-Don't you dislike to smell
the odor from those automobiles
Gotham-No, 1 like to smell it. "You
do?" 81 certainly do. You know, you
can't smell the odor until the machine
has gone by" Il know it, "Well,
If the machine has gone by, and you
can smell at all, you're pretty sure that
you haven't been struck" k."-Yonkers
"Hallo, Gudger, I've been looking
for you week. Couldn't find you high
or low. Net a friend of yours the
other day. He's been talking about
you, and 1 felt it my duty to tell you
what he said" "Ah, well. l don't care
to hear what he said. 1 know it was
disagreeable. How do you
know thatY' Because YOU are so