The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1904-08-24

for the second time that day, was re-
iieved of a legal ENHANCEMENT.
Smith made good use of his liberty.
He married again that very day. In
deed, he married proniscuously and
multitudinously. Seven times. all told,
did John Smith bind himself with ties
connubial and each time he did it SO
ostentatiously that the newspapers
found him out and wrote him up.
Considering the financial obligations
to which John Smith thus bound HIM
self. the next thing that befell him was
a stroke of unprecedented good luck.
He inherited a fortune of 100000. Not
satisfied with that windfall John Smith
took to playing the races. Again blind
luck attended him. He put UP 800 on
an apparently lost hope and won $10,
900. Most people would have stopped
at that but not so John Smith. His
sporting blood was up. Two big plums
off fortunes tree having that day fallen
into his lap, Smith determined to make
a bold strike for the whole orchard. He
began by embezzling $4,000 belonging
to the bank where he was employed.
With that spectacular maneuver for
an advertisement warranted to draw
the crowd, John Smith. according to
the chroniclers of the press, ran away
to Oklahoma and Joined the circus.
While doing trapeze stunts that after
noon for the edifcation of his first
audience Smith fell a distance of so feet
to the ground. But not even that ter
rife plunge could freeze John Smith.
At any rate he was reported as having
bobbed up again in two different places
along in the afternoon to play baseball.
And a rafting good game he put up,
too on both occasions. In one game
he "cleaved the inf1eld in twain with a
scudding grounder over second which
brought in two runs" and in the other
he, at various stages of the game,
sent liner to right, outfooted an in
field hit, and filed the corners with
bunt''
After 81 star performance of that
magnitude Smith felt that he had
earned something to eat. Unfortunate
ly he exercised poor judgment in order
ing his supper. He ate broiled lobster,
which apparently was not cooked prop
erly. At any rate, it did not agree with
Smith. Instead of impartiug nourish-
ment it infused a rapid poison into his
system. and had not the doctor in at
tendance resorted to heroic treatment,
John Smiths career would have been
ended an hour after partaking of the
succulent lobster.
However, he recovered sufficiently to
walk home, according to the next rec
ord in point of time, which was an in
judicious proceeding. While passing a
clump of bushes on the Midtown pike
in Pennsylvania, Smith was attacked
by footpads, who demanded either his
money or his life. Smith valued both
those possessions Having just saved
his life at the expense of small finan-
cial consideration and intense physical
distress, he objected to multiplying
those efforts by offering it up again.
Also he wished to hold on to what
money he had. Unfortunately he was
powerless to enforce his sentiments.
substantially. so he resorted to ethical
persua sion. Smith preached a sermon.
He must have spoken, too. with the
eloquence of angels. for by the time he
got to the peroration these highway
robbers were on their knees begging
him to forgive them for having even
thought of extorting either life or loot
from a man of his exalted character.