New-York tribune., 1904-09-19
THR MODEM CHILp.

THE MODERN CHILD.
Born scientifically
Studied terTlhcally,
Dieted sparefully,
Aired systematically.
Bathed most etnphatiesly.
Punished spenceriaiiy.
Sweet tnfantalty,
STEPPED IN genthty.
Santa Claus banished
Mother Goose vanished.
The real human babies
The olden time knewl
Harnessed seholastically.
Cultured prodigously.
Reasonsd With sirieidly.
Loved analytically.
Listened TO critically,
RSsSsd RGsSs WiSR thHonsS SeS the SS0stfis; sSisr..
Crammed psdagogically,
Finished most logically
Where ts the childhood.
The fresh @ happy childhood.
Children successfully
Reared thus aggressively
Wearfed Internally,
.Formed'' artihcialiy.
Never cry "Cuit!' 20 it7
Stop from paTaiysis7
TIL distraction
Ends with reaction.
The bright, right, care careless childhood.
-(James F. Morton. ir. In Life.
One Of the most noted Of the early settlers OF
Detroit was named Campau and many OF the De-
troit streets bear his name and the names OF his
children. Along WOodward-ave. one Of the finest
Of the main streets the streets near the centre
Of the city It is said bear the first names OF Cam
pau's children-Elizabeth. Adelaide. etc. On q
streetcar passing through Woodward the conductor
nearing one OF these streets called ''EIiza-
beth!' and a woman got or At the next cross
street he called "Adelaidey' and another woman
gOt off. Whereupon a country woman in the car
turned to her companion and said: How is It that
the conductor knows the first name OF all the wom-
en- who get of the ears?''
THE MAKING OF a LADDER.
II q man wants to make for himself great name
rbs e oTsor SSS fTIw 6aIGsR RaFeqF Es iaddsg LAWS W
@CPhnadeIphia Press
Elias Buckler. n farmer living near Delphos
Kan. has remarkably luxuriant growth Of whislx-
ers. Recently. while working In the fields swarm
of bees came along and settled in this growth Mr..
Buckler sat down and remained quiet. When all
the bees had settled In his beard he slowly arose.
walked home. and with the assistance OK others.
hIved the buszers.
killers RodrIck-I saw the autumn parade Of the
Van AIbertoWere any dressed 70 kill?
Rodrick-Yes. few chauffeurs-(ChicaSO News.
"The London News" has this story direct from
the Windsor manOuvres: "An American matron,
with her daughter. looking from a place
close TO that OF the umpire. and the younger lady
was much interested in certain aide-de-camp. I
wonder said she at last who that distinguished
looking officer is who keeps on galioping to and
fro?' Il not sure replied the older lady. but
guess'-with conviction-he must be caviare to the
general "
observation-disclosures said Mrs. Quizzcm. here's
an account Of some foreigners having a running
fight with the police. Now. what ~ a running
hght?' "a running fight" explained Mr. Cluzzeui.
Ifs Russian war strategy.-(Cleveland Leader
General Kuropatkin's complaint that his men are
too old calls attention to the fact that the Russian
system tends to place rather old men with the
colors In war time The liability for service extends
from the twenty-hrst 70 the forty-tbird vear The
first four years are spent with the colors and the
eonscript is then reservst for fourteen years 1t
is quite likely therefore. that KuronatIT, bas re-
eeived many rescrvists of about thirtyDns ,ear oe
age. Japans service age is from seventeen to forty
Before and After TaSing.-Dr. ouaeklev-Ah nm
you say the neu,clne ! prescribed hasn't sfnnnad
the chsl Did you shake Well before taxing Ppsu
pumma ger-Yes, aud afterward ZOO 0sf az