The Washington times., 1904-01-04

tank.
They swore of on the First
But so great was their thirst.
On the Fourth they accepted with THANK.
a IiEht-hngered fellow of Worcester.
Declared "I'H not steal as urcester."
But he fell with swooD
On the first chicken coop
That he saw. and made of with a ror-
cester.
We still maintain that Washington is
a winter resort. 1t is true that the
weather is a tribe too chilly these DAYS
for invalids TO ride on the open cars,
but that signifies nothing. Washington,
as a winter resort. : taking little va
cation-wen earned. BY the way.
here's an idea Since we see now that
the Weather Mans prophecies come
true. how would il do IL we all went Up
and mobbed him and made him proPhesy
warm weather.
The example set BY the Bijou Theater
in Brooklyn the other night is so good
that the wonder arises. WY has this
not been the common prastice among
theaters from the beginnint,? We refer
TO the fact that the manage nent threw
open al the exits after the perform
ance. that the patrons might acquatnt
themselves with all the opportunities
Of egress. The thszser, which was
crowded. was emptied in three minutes.
II is now announced that the managers
of the New York theaters have about
decided TO throw open ali the exits after
each performance. Tie advantages OF
this plan are evident. The audience. by
becoming familiar with the location u
I
the knowledge that the thea;er could
be emptied in a very short space OF
time would be less apt TO be thrown
into senseless panic IN: case Of fire IL
irons CT a place OF entertainrlent
through a fire drill but the opportunity
10 see. and, II they desired. 70. use, the
emergency exits frequently. would serve
much the same purpose as a drill
Automobiles have proven untrust-
worthy and unsatisfactory for the col
lecting of mail in the local service. be-
cause they get out OF order from the
frequent stopping. The inability TO stop
without serious internal arrangement is
one of the chief characteristics of the
automobile. A number Of our citizens
who have been run over by them have
noticed this. The good old-fashiOned
horse, of the sort that mail collectors
and country doctors use Is superior 70
the automobile IN MS capacity lOF stop
2ing. He can be set in motion again,
too. without seriously affecting his ma
chinery-
A miser who died the other day in
Omaha. had hit upon much safer
piece than the stove for hiding his
wealth. He had padded the shoulders
of his coat with fifty-dollar bills. thus
killing two birds with one stone-he put
ais money where no one would think OF
looking for it., and he secured a see
that shoulder effect without paying
some fashionable tailor high price
49,
fair, witty widow Of few years
Svore she'd never more gossip on New
Years;
But that very plight
Shed forgotten it quite
And told all that she'd heard the rast
two years
It's a pity that our distinguished and
versatile feIlow-citizen, Ambrose Bierce,
doesn't live somewhere out in Bright
wood, so that the abject and outrageous
misery of transportation over the street
railway TO the outlying districts in that
direction could be expressed in betting
words. or. perhaps. on better thought,
Bierce hasn't a Sufficiently towering ge-
MUS for the task. Either Rudysrd Kip
ling or Carrie Nation would be she per-
son. 1t is disgusting at any time 10 get
down from your car where you are COM
fortably seated. and wait an indefinite
period for the second stage OF your
homeward journey to begin Then
comes the scramble FOR standing room
in one car. for. look you. the passengers
that have been occupying two cars must
now be crowded into one. That is bad
enough. we say. in pleasant weather
But what of days like these. when the
dumped passengers must stand in a
shed or hut of thin boards. entirely open
on one side? As we remarked before,
speaking Of this very subject. the
American people will stand more and
stand IL longer and more humoly. than
the folk of any other nation on earth
In dumb, patient endurance. they IAN
give the Russian mujik cards and
spades. If anybody does break CIT
once in a while and paint thi.ss IN
their proper colors. he Is looked Gpoh
as a dangerous lunatic. an incendiary.
The Citizens Association of Bright
wood is beginning TO make kick about
their transportation. it is true. but they
are not kicking half hard enough They
are being outrageouslY treated in this
matter. They are receiving no more
consideration than If they were a few
scattered groups CT digger Indians or
Gypsies. camping out there in the wilds.
But there. We must be careful We
might say something undigniheC. and
any institution so antiquated as Bright
wood transportation is entitled TO GER
tain amount of veneration. ard respect
The action brought against the Count
ess Esterhazy win bring JOY and heal
ing balm 20 the hearts Of many women
who believe they are in the sere and
yellow leaf and that their days Of fem
mime charm are over. The countess.
who is sixty. they say. is accused BY
Mrs. DeLang OF having alienated the
affections of the latter's husband. Tho
accused denies that she has done SCAT
least. Intentionally; but that does not
alter the fact that another woman be-
lieves her sufficiently attractiveto be dan
gerous. Let US add 10 this interesting
episode the action Of a Washington man.
J. Homer Altemus. who the other day
espoused Mrs. Sphinx, of Providence. a
fascinating young person of seventy
two. The groom in this case Is but
thirty-eight- Surely, in the light 81
these revelations. women OF forty or
therea bouts. formerly referred to as
ladies of n certain age should not
regard themselves as out OF the reckon
iug Gonna ratiVelV SDealxiuu they are