The herald-advance. (Milbank, S.D.) 1890-1922, 1904-08-26
MR.. DoOLEY
The Chicago Philosopher Gives
Mr.. Henncssy his Views ON
Bishop POttcr's Saloon

Bishop POtter's saloon
Minneapolis Journal.
II see," said Mr.. Dooley, "a bishop
down in New York has opened a sd.
LOOM"
"Glory be-" said Mr.. Hennessy.
"Not our kind iv bishop"
"No," said Mr.. Dooley. "Wan
iv tn near-our-kind. He didn't ra. ally
open it tn way We think. He didn't
own tn jint. He on'y backs it with
his moral inflooence, like a brewery.
Ye see, it was this way. Wan day
this bishop dhropped into his club. I
don't know why it is we always say a
man dhrops into a club. He's more
likely to dhrop out if he amt sup
ported. But, anyhow, tn bishop
dhropped into his club an hurlin'
himself into a sumchous ar-r-rm chair,
opened his brewery an settled down
to wait FIR tn avenin' pa-apers. AS
he set there with his feet cooked up on
a chair, readin' his devotional book,
an occasionally divin' into tn milk
punch, he says to himsilf: This is
rale comfort. A club is a gran
place. Suddenly tn thought sthruck
him, What, says he, am [ dom FIR
tn poor? Here / am loungin' in
comfort at me club. Has tn poor
wurrukin' man a club? Not at all. He
has no club but tn wan tn policeman
carries. Thin where does he spind
his time between four O'Clock in tn
afternoon and eight o'clock dinner?
In tn saloon. TIL saloons | r-read
about where tn poor wurrukin' man
buys a shell iv beer, ates four dollars
worth iv free lunch an goes home an
beats his wife or vicy varsy as tn
case may be, is no place FIR him. l
will start a model dive where me hum
BILE mechanic frinds iv tn slums can
take their karosine amid comfortable
surroundings, chat with their fellow
iugglers on tn issues iv tn day an
90 home ilivated in evry sense iv tn
wurrud, he says.
San he done it.. Firm what | can
amt much diff'rent firm tn peace
able hell that I've been c%onductin' FIR
thirty years. TIL main %ingreejent iv
amy rest cure is there on tn shelves.
They Sc a bar FIR thin horny handed
sons iv tile who a sleep standin',
an chairs an tables FIR tn less
hardy rufflans that prefer to coal up
in a settin' posture. TIL bar finders
are aft bile an sober men, but that's
thrue iv all bartinders. They ARE
supposed, Hinnnisy, to give the con-
sumers a brief moral chat while push
in out tn paint. Afther tn third
basin it may be nicissary FIR thin to
have an iliventh commandment handy
in tn shape iv an ice pick. In a
corner iv tn i%mpooryum is a sody
wather fountain so that tn poor wur
rukin' man don't have to dhrink tn
destroyer if he don't want to, but can
go over an initiate himsilf at the gas
wurruks. Whin a customer at tn adj
iinin' counther begins to cry over tn
May brick case, tn prelate in COM
mand there steers him to tn liquid
air department where he does tn rist
iv his shoppin', charges himself with
a pan iv carbonic acid an floats
home. This is to help his hiccup SO
that his wife'll know he has not been
idle. l understand this branch iv
tn plant hasn't had to hire amy
extra help.
eth saloon was opened in person
be tn bishop. I r-read his speech.
1t was fine. He recognized that dhrink
was an evil, havin' met it. But it was
q nicissary evil. On tn whole, he was
inclined to think it was more nicissary
thin evil. Takin' it all in all or half
an half or anyway We liked, it was a
good thing. He took his dhrink at
tn club an why shud his more hum
BILE but akelly droughty frinds among
tn wurrukin' classes not have their
souse as we'll? They shud. He wud
advise moderation howiver. A man,
be he rich or poor, shud niver take
on o thin was good FIR him. (Th'
manager iv tn saloon: Or thin he's
good FRI He accepted the tn cor
rectiOn. If he was a savin' mechanic
in this bright land iv opportunity,
he ought to be good FIR what was good
FIR HIM, or more. Win a poor wur-
rukin' man felt tn in%sijious march iv
tn brannigan he shud say: NO,
boys, no more FIR me. must go home
to tn ILL vans. If | need more | can
sind thin out FIR it. A poor wurruk-
in man shud niver f'rget his family
while on a No amount iv
sobbin' on tn neck iy a BARTENDER
while tellin' what a comfort wife an
childher was to tn inebry ated artisan,
wud make amy difference. He mus
get home some time durin' tn night or
he is no thrue upholder iv the Chris
tyan saloon an it's refnin' inflooence.
His parcel shud be no more thin that
iv amy gintleman at q club, lest he
be as tn beasts iv tn field who don't
dhrink. Boys, it's on me.
IAN so, Hinnissy, tn model saloon
was opened. The archdeacon tapped
q irish keg, the vicar gin'ral toosed
together q model Christya an gin-fizz
an tn good bishop smiled binivo-
lently as tn hardy vistrymen quaffed
tn nicissary evil. AM whin tn dice
box was passed, did tn hand iv tn
potter shake? Idon't know, Hinnissy.
But I do know tn model saloon is
gOin' to be q great moral inflOoence
in that neighborhood. Whin tn poor
wurrukin' nan goes home an thries
to wind tn clock with tn fox tarryer,
tn good woman turns to tn little vans
an says: 'Childher, see what a lovely
bun father has got firm tn bishop
An whin tn tired tiler wants ray.
frishmint at night, he calls: Mary
Ann, take tn pitcher an go down to
tn cathedral FIR a quart
tsDO ] think It will he a succeae?