The Washington times., 1904-08-14
ANECDOTES AND COMMENT ABOUT DIVERS SPORTING TOPICS
HIS ATTRACTIVE BAT AND ELUSIVE BALL
One Gonfaon Kelly nvents Device That Kills Off Home Run
Haggery's Enemies if They Were Babes, in a Grass
Eating Game, Until the Last Inning.

! triumph. I may say, since Clumbus
discovered the lair o the Montyzumas
an the historic events which followed.
an l can't dilate on IL. I haven't
time. Why2 Because my soul is wrap
ped up in the great discovery an which
has tore at nv vitaIs tryin' TO get out
ever since I first thought it up. But
no. L says. it amt perfect. Wait till
it's perfect GOntalon. says l, an then
tell the famous Haggerty an the glor-
ious Hobbs. THIS way, gentlemen.
Il nudGed Pinch as we followed hin
down the hall.
" Buggy says /. watch him He
led us into his room an il was az axcd
( up Ike a machine shop. On 4 bench
lay a baseball bat made O. some heavy
black wood that shOne. Waikiki up to
the bench. Gonfalon took out a base
bah an held IT up.
"The Secret"
Here says he is the secret the
alchemists OF old strove for an couldn't
I find. This IS the secret that baffied the
/ wise guys o Greece when they played
/ the Rome nine that eventfuI home-an'-
home series All through the dark, dim
/ ages this here has been sought. but IL
( remained for Gonfalon Kelly, an OBJ
scure third b2seman on an obscure nine
/ IN a back country league, TO bring It
I out On. bat I could shout I'm the very
! hilltccs'
Well, spit 1t out says / What is
/ it?'
An. yes says he: you talk rough
now, bun when YOU know this grand
/ achievement you won't. This says he.
/ holdin' the ball out an gain at il. is
the famous Kelly Elusive Ball
90 The wot. says Pinch.
| The Kelly Elusive Ball. repeated
/ Gonfalon. very emphat.1.
Curve Pitcher.
- What does it do-drink miIk?' says
! He sCuelched NE with one O. them
! piercing looks. Then he says:
This here great invention was sug-
| gested by the failure o. pitchers to curve
the ball so it couldn't be hit Now.
/ everything in this here world has some
thing IL specially likes an specially dis
likes. could give you the real names,
but You wouldn't understand an IL
amt important.
so I set out fndin' the stuff that
didn't Ike wood the worst way, an /
found it an made a ball o it. an il
hates wood 50 much that when you bin
at it with a wood bat it jumps right
out of its course to avoid it,
" 20 course, that's got curve pitchin'
beat. No matter how fast you throw
this here bail, when il sees wood bat
swingin' at it it jumps right around an
/ goes on its way rejoicin' into the
ketcher's mitt'
Eludes Bats.
% course. bein' ball players says
lGanfalon, putin down the bali an
takin' up the funny black IooSin' bat,
you know it wouldn't do the AlfaIfas
any good TO ring that elusive ball into
the game when we got the same kind
o DUN bats the other fellers have got.
But when you combine the elusive ball
an the Kelly Attractive Bat-then you
have a winner. Then you git the
cream O science
Pinch an me looked mystifed
I This ball eludes ordinary bats. says
| Gonfalon. but il loves this one. THIS
ones made out o. wood that you could
/ scrape this whole country with a curry
/ comb an never find a piece like IT,
! It's got a name. but / dassent tell II;
dassent tell what's in the ball either
cept this bat an this bali-they love
one another. Look at this
Tossed the Ball.
lie tossed the ball up in the air an
held out the bat. The ball was brought
two feet out O. its course an stuck tC
the club as 1t dropped Ne an Pinch
gazed with surprise.
With US battin' with this bat SAYS
GonfaIon, an the other fellers usin
them hickory things which this here
ball hates says he, I think / can sec
two games coming our way today an
the championship an crimson glory an
undyin' fame for Gonfalon. I feel like
the great an glorious Napoleon did
when he looked on the burnin' battle
ments o Moscow I'm the top o. The