The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1904-03-02
THE BROMIDE AND
THE SULPHlTE PEOPLE.

The bromides comprise by far the
larger group. Bromides do their think
ing by syndicate. In other words, they
all think alike. One can tell exactly
what their opinion will be on any CIV
en- subject; indeed, one can tell exact
" what any one of them will say.
Most women are bromides-all women
in their early years. Boys are excess
lively bromide also. They must wear
what other boys of their age and class
are wearing, must think and talk as
those of their set think and talk. But
more men outgrow bromidism than wo-
men.
The typical bromide-and all bro
mides are typical-is fond of discuss
ing symptoms" especially when disa-
greeable. They say his head swelled
up to twice it's natural size" they
revel in deathbed scenes, going into
revolving details. They habitually at
tend funerals. When two bromides
part, even for day. the farewells are
long and complicated. They say: ID
I've had such a delightful time." Cd
Its so good of you to have asked
mel" (3) Nov, you must come and
see usi'
But the chief characteristic of the
bromide is his inevitable practice of
tain occurrences or situations. This is
the result of his never doing his own
thinking. Certain facts in his mind
call up certain phrases. and he can no
more refrain from using them than he
can refrain from picture post
If, for instance. 1 see a wonderful
sunset l am sure that the beautiful
bromide beside me will murmur, NOW,
if you saw that in a painting you'd say
it was exaggerated" At dinner am
in luck if she does not say. Il like lob
sters. but Holsters don't like me-" And
if we happen to have a friend in com
mon nothing l can do will forestall her
sage remark, 1.-The world is such a
small place. after ALL" She speaks of
'the year baby came" too bromidically
modest to use such a suggestive word
as born" Her euphemisms are the
slang of her caste. When 1 take her
home she says. Now you have found
the way, you must come often"
1t is not that her remarks are banal.
but that they are inevitable. They go
off, like alarm clock, when the
hands of circumstances point the hour.
The bromide has no surprises for US.
When one enters the room. soon as
we have identified him we have no ex-
pectation that the evening will be
punctuated with sulphitic flashes. but
! the steady glow of bromide conversa-
ton is the best we can hope for.
| And yet bromides are not exactly
| bores. We may love them. yes, even
marry them, for usually they are good
cooks. Your own mother may be a
bromide, and it is only now that you
have found it out. You knew before
that somehow she was different There
was slight annoyance; she never quite
understood. But with the truth of this
great theory enlightening you, you may
accept the fact now, and, expecting
nothing sulphitic from her. you will
| find new peace in her society. She
cannot help it. She is a bromide.
| On the other hand. you must not
think that all supplies are enjoyable
company. Far from it! The sulphite
by his very nature must continually
surprise you by unexpected courses of
action. You never know what he is
going to say or do, and sometimes he
is quite impossible. But he is always
sulphitic. You may hate him, but he
never can bore you. You find yourself
watching him to see what he will say
next. 1t may be a quiet. subtle jest
| from one or an atrocious violation OF
etiquette from another.
| All cranks, reformers and most art
| lists are sulphites. You may not like
| Them but they at least do their own
thinking. They have no conventional
method of thought or action; each
course is eccentric, tangential. They
do ordinary things in extraordinary
ways, and, also, they do unusual
things in usual ways. When it is time
to leave you they go Immediately.
What is more sulphitic than this :?
When you become their guests they do
not entertain" you they may sug
gest pastimes, but you choose your
own way of amusing yourself. When
they present you with a. gift there is
usually some especial reason why this
particular thing should be given to you
rather than to another. In this agree
ably unconventional way they pass
their days.
So far the theory scarcely needs any
thing more than enunciation. for all
sulphites will Immediately see the won
derful verify of the statement, and ii
will clear up another long pondered
mystery. What the bromides will think
does not matter.
But many will ask, Cannot a person
be partly sulphitic and partly bro
midic?" There is but one answer to
that-no. Once a bromide always a
bromide, except for the usual change
of adolescence. And partly a sulphite
wholly a sulphite. The line that di-
vides these two worlds of thought is
straight, and it is impossible. A little
thought will convince you of this. A
bromide may have lucid interval and
surprise you with an apparently sui
phitic remark, but such events are spo-
radio and accidental. And a sulphite
may occasionally venture a saying that
seems to be automatic. merely the re-
fiex of the situation. But do not judge
him by that, for doubtless he meant il
in some hyposulphitic way.
That's all. You will find that have
given you a useful bit of conversation
: al shorthand. Try it and see. Yor
will never forget the words, for they
are the product of sublime inspiration
And you will see sulphites and bro