The Birmingham age-herald., 1904-06-24


 part Of the land There arekso many Bowsers in real life that MT. E'owser in fiction is bound to prove pcpular as long as there Is domestic blse and do- nestle woe.
 It is not surprising that too much far eastern war talk excited certain inmates of a New Jersey lunatic asylum to such pitch that they declared war on their own account and conducted a brilliant campaign against the hospital authori- ties. Perhaps the unfortunate inmates were wrought up unduly by endeavoring to keep tab on the names of Russian and Japanese commanders, or perhaps they were trying to decide when Port Arthur will fall. Either one of these subjects ia enough to drive sane man to the verge or insanity ana therefore 1t is not sur prising that people already mentally un- balanced were still further upset
 It Is vera right and proper that Sena- tor Fairbanks should be declared the republican nominee for the Vice Presi- dency. He is perhaps the tallest man in the senate and moreover a Beau Brummel who would make Senator Pet tus look like a selling platter on a ball room floor. In view of the fact that the duties of his job-provided he gets It. will consist largely of looking pleasant and cutting a good figure in Washington, there is no Goubt of his qualifications for the place. Senator Fairbanks was not made famous by any well known brand of soap but rose to greatness solely on his own merits. It is rumored that MT. Fairbanks has an eye for the Presi- dency in 1908. but that Is an office for which good looks do not constitute tha sole qualification required
 The German servant girl has redeemed herself in the person of Louise Calling, who swan from the Slocum and saved her little charge by her proficiency in aquatics. Heretofore the German servant girl has not been considered an heroic figure and her abilities as domestic have been questioned by certain jokesmiths but Miss Calling has proved herself shining exception. Whether she is a good cook and dishwasher is not stated but she is an expert swimmer and diver aHd by these means she has achieved renown. While swimming and diving are not ac- compiishments for the making of a good cook it pays to possess them, for no one can tell when he she may get into trouble in the water instead of on dry land.
 While correct spellins has become a second-rate accomplishment especially among stenographers and literary folk, there are yet some old fogies who lament the days gone by when the old "plueback' was the terror of childhood and the first milepost on the road to fame. Nowadays a spelling book Is looked upon with sus- picion If not actual distrust and the re- suit is that the population is learning more about germs and nerves than about orthography.
 A Chicago man has just concluded ne- gotiations for the transfer of his wife to a gentleman who eloped with her, the consideration being $50 cash. The articles of agreement have been drawn up and signed and everything is as pleasant as May day. While 1t Is something of slam for a trusting and faithful wife to be valued at the paltry sum of $50 the erring spouse should not feel humiliated that her late husband considers her worth even that much. Perhaps the wronged husband is a wise man and considers that he has made a very good trade, since he has gotten a wife off his hands and has actually persuaded another man to pay for the privilege of doing him the favorI Pc.