Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1904-01-04
co O .
Short Storis>


The late Thomas Il. Reeds portrait
was painted by Sargent during the
last year of his services in Congress.
When it was brought to him he 10 'kpd
at it critically. He noted the prOtrud-
ing lips, the faithful reproduction of
his forid complexion. of his fiabby
cheeks of his pOnderous neck. His
there came cold CLINT in them. Then.
pursuing his lips as was his wont. he
Is said to have remarked: II hope that
my dearest enemy is satisfied now"
A Yorkshire socialist. who was once
explaining to friend the principles
OF socialism. remarked that all posses
sions should be shared equally. IF
you had two horses" said the friend.
would you give me one?" "Of course y
replied the socialist. And If you had
two cows, would you do the same|'
"Of course | should" well suppos-
ing, now" said the friend, slowly. you
had two pigs. would you give me one
Of them?" "Eh! tha's gettin over near
hOme.'' said the other shyly; 'tha
knows I've got two pigs"
In his new volume OF racy reminis-
cences, odds and Ends" DIR. Francis
Pijou, dean Of Bristol says that he has
on many occasions been pestered by
cranks who even thrust themselves OH
him In church at the solemn hour of
service. For example man once
bothered him by urging. In season and
out Of season, the merits Of a new
sauce which he had invented. But the
dean proved an unwilling hearer. and
at last one Sunday evening. as the con-
gregatiOn was singing the hymn I'M
mediately before the sermon and the
dean had reached the pulpit steps and
had begun to mount them. this I'M
abashed parishloner suddenly appeared
at the steps and. thrustng forward a
bottle Of his "inimitable sauce" ex-
claimed: Take it; you will find 1t ex-
ccllent for the voice"
Mark Twain's story of the million
pound note which nobody would cash
scale In Kentucky. the other day. A
Union veteran named Gibson. who had
for years drawn small pension. con-
Guided some ten years ago that he was
not getting his full deserts. and applied
for an increase. In course Of time.
says the New York Evening Post. this
was granted, and the first payment of
SCOT fell due. OF this. as might be ex-
pected. an even s. went to the pen
sion attorney. and the government s
check which Gibson received was for
paltry seven cents. The amount was
80 absurd that he declared he would
never cash it. and the slip OF paper re-
manned In his hands for eight years
as a souvenir. At length. between
pension days, Gibson found himself
broke" with sick wife on his hands
who demanded apples. and would be
satisfied with nothing else. Orchards
from which he could purlon some were
too far away, and with inward misgiv-
ings the veteran hunted up his pension
check from Its hiding place. and went
forth into the marts Of trade The
first grocer to whom he went was APP
prahensive lest the check should be
Outla we'd, and declined to take It,
while the second, better-lnfOrmed
man, laughed aloud at the idea Of CIV
Ing seven cents worth Of apples on a
check on the United States treasury
which 1t would cost fifteen cents mere
ly to collect through bank. Gibson
went empty-handed from store to store
until he found a grocer who was a bit
OF an antiquarian and was willing to
take the check as curiosity. So Mrs.
Gibson had her apples.