The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1904-07-29
THE PLATFORM CONDENSED
What the Chicago Declaration Means
When Translated INTO Plain,
Everyday English.


The real republican platform is a
short document and runs as follows. a.
translated ly the 81 Louis Republic:
We are the Grand Old Party. No
are called a grand old fraud. the same
being obvious. but We don't mind So
long as We are comfortable. which We
are. thank you; and We want 10 stay
where We are. because IL pays.
We strenuously assert ahd insist
that every thing everywhere Is al righ-
and that everybody is satisfied. We
are perfectly satisfied with ourselves
and are unable 10 see that anything
We have ever done is wrong. We are
unable TO view with anything but
alarm anything which any other party
under any circumstances whatever
would do. Prosperity is good enough
for US. and the people may 60 10.
There are no issues in this cam
paign. There is no trust question
The trusts are just as good as they
can be and Mr.. Roosevelt says that
they are very good We Ike them our
selves. az any rate; which means at
ally ldAE Vi slRN4AAAr "a AAA0 49,
III, incidentally. We are its friends AMI
especially is il our friend. We would
no more think OF revising il than OF
knocking the bottom out OF our cam
paign barrels. In fact. we Will not
no. not while PierpOnt lunches with
the president Clipping the schedules
would be like cutting coupons green.
Let the good things run on and ripen
lis our motto; and IL is for Us 70
Judge Of what are and what are no.
good things.
Somebody has said something about
a Doodle issue. but We ask the people
to forget it, II the z. o. p. can for
I give it's own offenders. surely the least
7 the people can do IS TO forget The
most the people can dO-well- we don
! like 10 contemplate that We love the
people. OF course, but We are terribly
afraid Of them
We love the black people mere than
We do the whites. We love them 81
much just before election that we in
yite them to lunch The rest OF the
time the southern people can feed
them.
We in6orse everything Mr.. Roose-
welt has done We don't like TO, bu
we are compelled TO. We shall argue
that he is sane and 'safe-but oui
plan is to change the subject as sooI
as possible.
The constitution is very old-fash
toned document and doesn't compar'
10 Mr.. RoosevelGs ideas of govern
ment Ii should never be allowed I,
stand in his way. After all. what j
the constitution between friends-th
friends OF protection. OF monopoly an
imperialism?
Speaking OF imperialism-ours is
great government. but It IS nothing :
what it will be when Mr. Roosevelt
gets through with it. Imperialisr
among other things is a good excus
for blowing ourselves. It means me-
Offices and will help the organizato.
The organization will help itself. "
believe in government Of the organize
ton. BY the organization and especial
ly for the organization
Having thus put everything beyon
all question, We call upon the peopl
to stand by US We hope they Will nc
interrupt our era Of prosperity. w
believe with Lincoln that you can foc
some Of the people all OF the time an
all OF the people some OF the tins
We should like to fool all Of the pee
pie all OF the time. but. realizing n
imposslbility Of this. We shall be cor
tent to fool a majority OF the peopi