davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1904-07-14
Hurnor qna Philosophy
1904, by Duncan NJ. Smith.
HER SUMMER TRIP.
BY DUNCAN M. sMITH

Comes the time when wife muses.,
AS to rights her house she sets,
On the joys her husband loses
And the fever that he gets
Every time she goes away,
And she worries night and day.
How she hates to leave and sorrows
Over lots of little things;
Troubles many fondly borrows,
Sadly to her husband clings,
Saying how she hates to leave him,
Asking will her absence grieve him.
Then her husband, smooth and willy,
Tells her that she must not mind
(While himself he's hugging slyly);
Guesses he will have to find
How to get along without her,
Though he knows he'll grieve about her
When she's gone no time he loses;
Hurries out to meet the boys;
Comes and goes Just as he chooses,
All unquestioned, knows the joys
AS the rudy wines commingle
Of the man that's free and single
The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1904-07-14

potato bugs the problem will be much
simplified.
AS soon as the vines have grown
large enough to notice things they
should be carefully hoed This is work
Of such delicate and skillful nature
that it should only be intrusted to a
hired man.
Don't hold an umbrella over the vines
and will not appreciate a favor Of this
sort
When full grown, cook, serve and
eat
The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1904-07-14
A Perfect Lady.

Oh, the fair lady sits in her mansion up
there;
She's surrounded by wealth and by art,
But her listless look and her world wea-
ried air
Do not speak Of bIithesome heart
There's maid at her hand to respond to
her call,
OF her lghtest request to take heed,
And Of servants score are below in the
hall
To respond to her whim or her need.
But the lady is sad and her head is bent
down,
And her waiting maid begs her to say
What's the source Of her grief, what's
the cause Of her frown
ooh, the maid is but earning her pay).
And the lady replies, ''It is hard work to
SMILE
TO exertion I never was used;
Therefore try to get some one with humor
and style,
Who will laugh for me when I'm
amused"
The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1904-07-14
PERT PARAGRAPHS.

Where there is a will there is very
often case in court and fat fees for
the attorneys.
1t is poor excuse that won't work
overtime and cover a multitude Of
shortcomings.
Some men who are too smart to be
worked and too shrewd to labor go in
to politics for the sake of good govern
ment
Some men are not even worth an as
SCISSORS estimate.
The older woman grows the youn-
ger she grows.
Some young men are like a field Of
hay easily cured when turned down.
Burglars are not apt to be doing bust
ness in tenement house row.
The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1904-07-14
Raising Potatoes.

In order to raise potatoes successfully
it is necessary first to plant them.
This might seem like a trifing detail.
but it is attention to details that brings
success.
Some people Insist that potatoes
should be planted in the dark of the
moon, while others say that is getting
the planting and stealing time mixed.
When the tender leaves begin to
shoot, if you can train them to shoot
The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1904-07-14
Time Made a Difference.

Teacher-If John had three apples
and Willie had three, how many would
they both have?
Pupil latter figuring five minutes)-
-Four.
Teacher-Perhaps you are right. 1
think each would have at least eaten
one apple by the time you had finished
figuring the result
The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1904-07-14

The landlady has no trouble at all in
cutting a pie into five quarters.
A sunburnt man in a new straw hat
looks like black calf under a new
pine shed.
The business that doesn't pay is usu-
ally run by the man who doesn't pay.
Not every woman holds the mirror
up to nature when looking at herself
in the glass.
When one man works another, an ex-
plosion occurs sooner or later.
The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1904-07-14
Time bv the Eorelock.

Oh, buy your Christmas presents now,
Avoid the rush and hurry,
So, when the Christmas rush is on,
You will not have to worry.
If shy Of cash you chance to be,
Say 'Send it Christmas, c.. O. D."
The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1904-07-14
A Model Son.

Gentlemen of the jury" said the at
torney for the prisoner, 'this man is
not wholly bad. He may have done
wrong, but he is good to his mother"
eyes," replied the attorney for the
state "He gives her everything he
steals"
The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1904-07-14
Wanted Exercise.

ct never would marry a baIdheaded
man."
want the pleasure of pulling his
hair out yourself, suppose"
The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1904-07-14
Didn't Know Them.

"She wants to take her husband to
watering place for the summer"
"Must be under the impression that
they drink water at Them
The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1904-07-14

Some women do their marketing at
the store where the color of the trad
ing stamps matches the color of their
street gown.
The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1904-07-14
Troubles For Him.

When women vote, the candidate
May have some trouble with his wife
Explaining why
He winks his eye
AS Mrs Murphy wanders by,
And won't he lead a strenuous life?
The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1904-07-14
A Promotion.

"Is your husband q captain of in
dustry?
"He was but I think since he or
gained the last trust that he is at
least a colonel"
The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1904-07-14
Expensive.

To sit and dream Of girls and cream
Is really quite a pleasure,
But oh, to have them on the string,
That takes a bale of treasure.
The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1904-07-14
PERT PARAGRAPHS.

Some people would do anything-but
they can't.
When girl has a winning way she
seldom loses out
In many cases divorce may be taken
as evidence that marriage, as a general
proposition, is not failure.
Any salesman can sell you the thing
you want, but it takes clever one to
sell you the thing that you don't want.
If somebody is bound to be mad, al
ways give the other fellow a chance
at it.
The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1904-07-14
Repentance.

Repentance.
After the Fourth is over,
After the final shout,
A fellow then is certain
Next year he'll cut it out
Upon a stack Of Bibles
He swears it to his wife,
But when the Fourth rolls round again.
He's at it large as life.
The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1904-07-14
Gone For Good.

'He dropped his money in Wall
street"
''No use, then, going back to look for
it. There is a man there whose bust
ness it is to pick up and keep such
things"
The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1904-07-14

Some people are SO slow that old
age oyertakes them while they are
yet in their prime.
The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1904-07-14
Not His Color.

She-I wish you could go to the pink
tea with me-
He-Huh, I prefer going to a red,
liquor any day.
The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1904-07-14

When man gets his wife trained to
give him the benefit of the doubt he
feels that he has not lived in vain.
The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1904-07-14
A Misnornet.

"Why do they call the policemen
the fnestY"
"Who is more deserving of the
name?'
"The judge is. Isn't he the fine
est?"
The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1904-07-14
Becoming Qualified.
HNNU

"What profession is your son prepar-
ing for at college?"
"a millionaire, l think, judging from
his expense accounts"
The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1904-07-14

Between the ice man and the coal
man the weather man has a hard time.
The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1904-07-14
Wanted Relief.

GLOW soon will they be married."
''Pretty soon, guess. He is getting
tired of minding her.
The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1904-07-14

1t does no
good to call a
man a fool; If
he knows it he
isn't one, and If
he doesn't know
it he will think
you are one.
The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1904-07-14
Numor ana Philosophy
BY DUNCAN M. SMITH
Copyright, 1904. by Duncan NJ. Smith.
PERT PARAGRAPHS.

Would it be proper, if a woman's hair
is blond ardent, to call her brass mount
ed?
The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1904-07-14
Poor Asset.

"Her face is her fortune"
"How much less than nothing does
that make herr"
The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1904-07-14

A pretty woman sometimes has a
way of making herself plain, in which
case she is always understood.
The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1904-07-14
The Short Cut.

The Short Cut
"He is making a tremendous effort to
be known as one Of the better class"
'What is he doing?"
Saving up money to have appen-
dicitis."
The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1904-07-14
Extenuating Circumstance.

Oh, stealing is dreadful crime,
And one without a match,
Unless you happen on some time
A watermelon patch.
The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1904-07-14
An Iron Hand.

The hand that rocked the cradle,
Once held in high esteem,
Is In these modern ages
A half forgotten dream,
For it's modern fancy
To rock the kid by steam.
The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1904-07-14
Pounds 1t Out.

"Does she play by carr"
mo, by main strength, I think"
The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1904-07-14

1t is hard to train a man to the idea
that sofa pillows were made only to be
looked at
The fellow who has no ak to grind
isn't soft soldering any one.
What is so rare as raise lin salary
In June?
The girl who is afraid of thunder
storms makes great hit these days.
The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1904-07-14

Doubtless the reason that truth is
stranger than fiction is because the
truth is so seldom met with.
The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1904-07-14

EAST,
No 406-Mi1k Passenger, arrive. ....... 8:25 m
No 412-Way freight, arrive. .12:40 p m
WEST.
No 423-Freight, depart. 2:40 p m
No 411-Mi1k Passenger, depart ....... l4:10 p m
f. SEYMOUR. Agent.
The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1904-07-14

A mans idea
of generosity is
d DIN g as he
pleases and let
ting his wife
look out for her
self.
The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1904-07-14

81 believe in plain living and high
thinking
81 suppose your home is on the
plains and you go up on the mountains
to think"
The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1904-07-14

It is sign Of approaching disaster to
contradict bigger man than you are.
Postmen are often tale bearers.
The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1904-07-14

The chronic
borrower loveth
a cheerful Civ
er.
The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1904-07-14
KENosHA s. ROCKFORD LINE.
SOUTH BOUND.

Daily except Saturday and Sunday.
Herald and news. [volume] (West Randolph, Vt.) 1878-1943, 1904-08-25
Burridee-Connolly.

Russell Burridge OF Braintree and Miss
Nora Ellen, youngest daughter OF Mr.. and
Mrs Thomas Connolly, were married at S
o'clock Tuesday evening by the Rev.
James l.. Penders OF the Roman Catholic
church at the home of the brides parents,
where were assembled only the immediate
relatives OF the contracting parties.
The bride wore handsome gown of
white point d'esprit over white with rib
bon and applique trimmings, and carried
a bouquet OF white asters. Her brides
maid was her sister, Miss Mary A. Con-
molly OF Washington, ID. C.. who was also
gowned in white with blue ribbons. A
brother of the bride, John M. Connolly,
was best man.
After the marriage service, the bridal
couple received the congratulations Of
their friends, and refreshments Of sand
wiches, coffee, ice cream and cake were
served. Mr.. and Mrs. Burridge then took
their departure by carriage on trip to
Barnard, Woodstock and Rutland, and
upon their return will make their home
for the present with the groom's parents,
Mr.. and Mrs. Charles Burridge, Sr., in
Braintree.
The bride has had very successful ca
reer as a teacher since her graduation from
the High school, while the groom has
turned his solid attainments to practical
account in the pursuit Of agriculture.
Both young people have many well-wish-
ers to give them the toast Of long and
happy life.
Herald and news. [volume] (West Randolph, Vt.) 1878-1943, 1904-08-25
DESPERATION uNEouALLED.
Russians Hold Port Arthur Against
Fierce Assaults by Japanese.

Port Arthur, though clasped in the
death-like grip OF a powerful japanese
army, still holds out grimly. An offel
by the Japanese to let the garrison march
out and join Kouropatkin, providing they
would leave everything intact at the
fortress, was Indignantly spurned last
week by Gen. Stoessel, who sends word
home that Port Arthur will be his tomb
Even permission for the non-combatants
to retire, rendered by the japanese, was
not accepted, and both sides have settled
down to final grapple that can have but
one result. Letting up in other dl-
rections, the japanese are centering all
efforts TO capture the fortress, and without
regard to loss of life. Reports Of fire.
quent repeated desperate charges over
mine fields that explode, hurling hum
dreds of bodies into the air; in the face
Of great guns and rapid fire artillery,
posted in forts that have cost the labor
OF years 10 erect, and that are manned
by men as desperate as themselves tel
the story OF the fierce determination OF
the Japanese. II is known that many
forts have been taken successfully and
that the circle occupied by the defenders
has steadily decreased, while siege guns
have been brought up to batter down
the inner lines and open them to the last
great assault. Tremendous losses on both
sides have been suffered.
The cruisers Rossia and Gromobo
made their way back to Vladivostok
after their fight with the japanese squad
ron in the Corean Straits, in which the
Rurik went down. These two cruisers
suffered terribly. Twenty per cent OF theiI
officers and 80 per cent OF their crews
were killed or wounded, and the ships
were riddled so as to be unseaworthy
The efficacy OF the squadron was de-
stroyed.
The cruiser Novik, which escaped from
the Port Arthur fight, tried to make Nlad-
ivostok by sailing clear around Japan, anc
had reached Korsakovsk harbor in the
island OF SAX khalien, north OF Japan, when
she was overtaken by two japanese cruis-
ers. the Chitose and Tsushima, and
under their fire was driven on the rocks
and sunk. Her crew was not rescued by
the Japanese, owing to a heavy storm.
The only other cruiser that escaped
without serious injury, the Diana, hai
reached Saigon, French lndo-China. Sh'
must leave at once.
The japanese are trying hard 10 ge
the Askold and a torpedo boat that tool
refuge at Shanghai and were docked foi
repairs to leave the harbor, and havl
called upon China to force them out a
once. China hesitates, under the plea tha
the ships are unable to go to sea. Il j
probable they will have 10 disarm.
Herald and news. [volume] (West Randolph, Vt.) 1878-1943, 1904-08-25
SATURDAYS REPUBLICAN RALLY.

Republicans OF Randolph and other
towns, and all Others interested, especially
the ladies, are cordially invited to attend
the grand rally TO be held Saturday at 2.SO
p. m. in Randolph
The speakers-Hon. James Wilson, sec
retary Of agriculture, Hon. d. J. Foster,
representative in Congress from the First
district, and Clarke c. Fits, just nomi-
mated for town representative by Brattle-
boro Republicans men worth hearing.
A flag viii be raised in Depot square be-
fore the speaking begins. The rally VIII
be in school house yard, II pleasant; IL
not, in Dubois q Gays hall. The Green
Mountain band will play.
Every body come outl
Herald and news. [volume] (West Randolph, Vt.) 1878-1943, 1904-08-25
A Merry Outing.

Bethel campground was the scene Of
much iollity and social good FELLOWSHIP
Thursday, Aug. IS, when the Methodists.
81 in ber, met there for their annual
Sunday school picnic.
ID. ID. Howe, the superintendent, carried
more than a score OF little folks in his hay
cart and A. n. Hayes, the assistant super
intendent, followed with a wagon we'll
filled with adults. The others were con-
veyed in private carriages, the last buggy
arriving while dinner was being served.
A little ball playing, juggling and run
ming we're INDUCED in before dinner, but
the strenuous games were postponed till
the afternoon hours. Large tables, set
under the trees near the campground ros-
trum, fairly swayed under their burden OF
toothsome dainties when the noon hour
arrived, but the appetites had been wen
prepared, so the weight was soon lifted
and equilibrium restored.
lt was found necessary TO rest awhile
after dinner, but in short time the ma
jority OF the fun-lovers had congregated
in the open space not far away, and soon
volunteers OF both sexes, some young,
many OF indefinite age, were marshalled
into lines ready for a warm encounter.
After counting the forces il was found
necessary to draft others into service, after
which orders were given and the fight was
on.
ball, but many were hit, some injuries
mostly to clothing reported, and one
fatality was narrowly aYerted. The most
distinguishing features of the encounter
were the fine Workmanship displayed by
the men and the ability which the women
gradually developed for holding the bat
where the pitcher could hit il. Several
hours the battle ragged, for although the
forces were unevenly matched, yet the los
ing side refused TO surrender At last the
white flag was raised and peace was re-
stored. The arbitration committee, in the
form Of Henry Miller, brought in report
OF 1914 in favor OF Capt, Asa Hayes and
his men %. The losing side, though un-
der professional leadership, naturally de-
cided to have nothing but their score pub
licly reported.
After such delightful days outing, the
time for departure came all too soon, but
the merriment continued during the
homeward ride, and faces as well as voices
told the story OF "an ideal picnic"
Herald and news. [volume] (West Randolph, Vt.) 1878-1943, 1904-08-25
End Of Bitter FIGHT.

1.-TWO physicians hqd a long and stub
born fight with an abscess on my right
lung. writes J. +. Hughes OF DUPONT,
Ca. .'and gave me up. Everybody thought
my time had come. As last resort tried
DIT. Kings New Discovery for Consump-
ton. The benefit ] received was striking
and ] was on my feet in few days. Now
I've entirely regained my health" II con-
quers all coughs, colds and throat and
lung troubles. IL is guaranteed. Price,
SOC. and 81. Trial bottles free.
For sale By Drew & Leonard, Randolph
Herald and news. [volume] (West Randolph, Vt.) 1878-1943, 1904-08-25
Stormy Weather West.

A tremendous storm and gale struck St.
Paul, Mimi, Saturday night, i'm which II
persons LOST their lives, many buildings
were damaged or destroyed and a total
loss OF about a million dollars sustained.
Next night, in South Dakota, another gale
did heavy damage to crops and farm
buildings and KILLED two persons. Friday,
in North st. Louis, one person was killed
and 100000 damage done by storm.
Herald and news. [volume] (West Randolph, Vt.) 1878-1943, 1904-08-25
car Eeels lenient.

Emperor Nicholas manifesto on the
birth OF an heir to the Russian throne
grants numerous privileges heretofore
denied his subjects. Corporal punish
ment is abolished among the peasantry
and for first offences in sea and land
forces Many OF the penalties prescribed
for political offences In Finland are re-
mitted and limited amnesty proclaimed
in that province.
Herald and news. [volume] (West Randolph, Vt.) 1878-1943, 1904-08-25
labor TroubIes Continue.

The Chicago teamsters' union has voted
not to support the striking butchers. The
strike continues unchanged. The build
ing trades trouble has gotten into the
New York criminal courts through
charges brought against union leader,
OF extortion. Counter charges against
employers of conspiracy, etc, are being
considered. The threatened strike on
the New York elevated has been averted,
the men securing most OF their demands.
Herald and news. [volume] (West Randolph, Vt.) 1878-1943, 1904-08-25
unaratefuI Wretch Suffers.

Jim Glover, a negro, was shot to death
by a mob at Cedartown, Ga, Monday near
the spot where he had brutally assaulted a
f3-year-old white girl who had taken him
in 10 save him from a ierocious dog
Herald and news. [volume] (West Randolph, Vt.) 1878-1943, 1904-08-25
Mrs. MAVERICK in America.

Mrs. Florence Maybrick, who was i'm
prisoned many years in England as the
murderess OF her husband and recently
released, has arrived in this country.
She will visit her birthplace, Mobile, Ala
Herald and news. [volume] (West Randolph, Vt.) 1878-1943, 1904-08-25
Senator tioarisD Dylna.

Senator George f. Hoar OF Massa-
chusetts is on his deathbed at Worcester,
Mass Recovery is impossible, but he
may linger for some days.
Herald and news. [volume] (West Randolph, Vt.) 1878-1943, 1904-08-25
South American Troubles.

Both Uruguay and Paraguay are dealing
with formidable revolutions that threaten
to prove successful.
Shoshone journal. [volume] (Shoshone, Idaho) 1884-1931, 1904-12-30
vicissItudes of LANGUAGE.

Some people believe that English
will one day be the universal language
and look upon the report that the EN-
press dowager of China has undertak.
en- to learn English In her old age as
another proof of this. English has
had some remarkable ups and downs
in its own home. For 300 years 1t was
suppressed-from the Norman con.
quest on to 1862. when 1t was intro
duced as the language of the law.
When the house of Hanover was In.
stalled 1t was anticipated that there
would be another suppression of the
English tongue. The wife OF George
lis eldest son could not speak Eng.
fish. and 1t was suggested that she
should be taught. That Is unneces.
sary." said her mother, "the house OF
Hanover having been above twenty
years on the throne. to be sure most
people speak German as often and as
we'll as English"
Shoshone journal. [volume] (Shoshone, Idaho) 1884-1931, 1904-12-30
BRAINS SAID TO BE INHERITED.
Not Merely Their Quality but Their
Form Handed on From Parents.

The Inheritance of bodily character
istics, both by man and the lower an
finals, Is too well known to need com
ment, says Golfers Weekly. In the
same way we are accustomed to think
OF mental attributes as being more or
less hereditary. From a priori consid-
GRAFTON we have every reason to
expect that the organ which is the
physical basis OF the mental facul
structure the influence Of heredity. II
has rarely happened. however, that
any comparative study of the brain
structures OF near relatives has been
possible
peculiarly fine opportunity for
such observations was afforded when
the brains of three brothers we're CIV
en- to a competent observer for exam
nation The brains were those OF
Willis. Burton and Fred Van Wormer.
All Of whom were executed In New
York state All three brains showed
marked similarity in general form.
differing chiefly in the matter OF size
Some unusual features were present
In all three: one Characteristic In par
ticular. which is Of great rarity. oc.
CURED In all three. These facts lend
much support to the idea that pc
culiarities OF brain structure are inner.
tied as well as peculiarities OF face
and figure. In the case Of these three
brothers no al empt was made to as
sociate the copfiguration OF the brain
with tho nature Of the crimes Of the
men