davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1904-06-08
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

In the Near F7uture-'Made colossal
fortune, you say?
Yes. He was the first man to publish
a Scent magazine. Puck
Maud cut fine figure on Broadway
Neii-You did?
Maud-Yes. l refused to speak to Mr..
Taylorma de.-Princeton Tiger.
Mother (reading)-Listen, my children.
and you shall hear of the midnight ride
Wiilie-What horsepower was his auto?
Chicago Daily News
Mother-That not paper is certainly very
quaint but are Won sure it is fasbionab BILE?
Daughter-Ah, it must be. It's almost
impossible to write on it-New York
Weekly.
Are the Gobards in society?''
''Oh. yes. Away up Nearly every mem
the brain as a result Of fast automobil-
ing. Chicago Record-Herald-
DO you think young man ought to
No answered Senator Sorghum. THE
average man doesn't have to avoid politi-
being avoided by it. Washington Star
Attitudinizing spinster-ReaIIy. Tom. it's
a very serious thing to marry Have you
Tom9The cost The cost why, I've
a cousin who's d minister down in AYR
shire, and who'll marry us for nothing
Glasgow Evening Times
Mrs. schoppen-I want five pounds of
sugar, please
Groceries m; anything else2
Mrs Schoppen-No. that's all; III take
it with me if it isn't too heavy a pack
age.
Grocer-Ohl it'll only weigh three or four
pounde. ma am.-Philadelphia Press.
Teacher-Tommy, what did I tell you
yesterday that it was called to take out
several 1etters2
Tommy ITirgian1-A btreviate.
Teacher-Then make a sentence correct
~ using the word abbreviate.
TOMMY saw the letter carrier abbre-
viate the mail box on the corner.-Balti-
more American.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1904-06-08
She Found 1t Easy.

ITS no use talking" said Isaac Har-
ton of San Francisco, at the willard
women any business sense. Try as you
may. they won't catch on. They try to
keep books, but, oh, how they do keep
them!
About two months ago I brought home
one night a well arranged little account
book. 1 told my wife that on the pages
on the left side of the book she should
mark down the amounts I gave her as re
ceipts,' and on the right hand pages to
make note of the amounts she paid out
as expenditures OF course, she said she
would be delighted to do this, thai
could know just exactly how she spent
the money I gave her.
For the first instalment gave her $50.
About two weeks later I asked her if she
had kept her book properly, to which she
replied: oh, yes, III show you
HAnd how she had kept it! On the left
hand pages was marked Received $50,
on the right hand page was marked All
spent
That was all. That was how she had
kept books louisville Herald
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1904-06-08

humiliation, and I was to be requited.
In seven minutes by the clock that
bum blebee was a licked bee, and the
stakes in my vest pocket
Then did the pioneer, who was
sunthin of a Pilgrim, rise up and
challenge me to a game of poker. My
dooty hevin' been done in calm his
attenshun to the sinfulness of the
game, I went at 1t and won $40 more,
and as 1 slept my dreams was peace
full and 1 forgot the bruises of my
body. I driv away next mornin' with
a song in my heart and love to'ards
all mankind, and if them fellers back
at Paradise Corners was anythin
ahead of the game I didn't know it
The moral of which is:
You may be unexpectedly cast
down and brought low in the twinklin
of an eye, but in another twinkle you
are up agin and $25 better off than
before. - Copyright, 1904 by T. G..
McClure.)
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1904-06-08

I could work off on the public that
evenin, when the mayor entered my
room in the tavern and called me gov
ernor, and limited that a little office
payin' about $1,000 a year would about
fit the hump between his shoulders.
Five minits later I knew that a mistake
had been made, and that I had been ia
ken for the wrong man. Some men in
my position would hev gone on and
played the game to the end, but my
conscience wouldn't permit me. In my
truthful way 1 identlhed myself and
offered to contribute two Shillin's
to ards the expense of the reception,
but the mayor squealed off at once and
shouted:
"Fakir! Deceiver! Fraud! For this
your old gray head shall be laid low,
and your bow-legs shall be made to
wobble like young willers in hur-
ricane!''
And payin' no heed to the softness
of my tones he went out and gath
cred the populace together and set
them agin me. I was harnessin' up
my boss to move on before the storm
minded patriots laid hands on me and
umbled me into blanket and tossed
me high in the air. They throwed
into the blanket after me my fghtin'
dog, my grasshopper in a bottle and
my four dozen bottles of Pilgrim Pain
Alleviator, and as I assembled and de-
scended these things kept me COM
pany and ratified and banged about
round of applause.
The sun had peacefully disappeared
meath the horizon when the patriots
ceased to toss. and it was probably
half an hour later when a wild-eyed
and giddy-headed Pilgrim might hev
been seen drivin' out of Paradise
Corners as if anxious to reach some
other spot. MY fightin' dog was all
turned around and tangled up, his tail
bein' where he had heretofore found
/ his head, while my grasshopper,
whose home has been in a bottle for
the last three years, had lost his gen
for somebody to say that his hind
/ legs was crooked. Only one bottle of
my Alleviator was left unbrcken.
! imm ediately swallowed the contents
of this, and a quarter of an hour later
I was hummin' the air of merry
tune and feelin' that this was a purity
good world.
Out of disaster comes pumpkins.
| In other words, when I had driven a
distance of three miles I came to
/ the cabin of a pioneer, who invited
me to stay all night. He was sunthin'
| of a Pilgrim hisself. That is, he had
a big bumblebee under cover, and he
was willin' to bet any passin' critter
that the said bee could lick any other
fnseck in Oklahoma.
AS soon as he set eyes on my hop
per he was red hot for a scrap. It
was my dooty to call his attenshun to
/ the sinfulness of same, and to try
and lead his thoughts to higher chan
nels, but when he proved obstinate
the two inSeckS were placed in glass
| jar and we put up SIS apiece on the
| result I had suffered ignominy and
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1904-06-08

pintment in her face and anger in her
eye. Before I was aware of her ungen-
erous intenshuns, she was rollin' me on
the grass and kickin' me with both feet,
and it was only after had been half
wrecked that I succeeded in eludin'
her and resumin my journey. AS I re-
stunned found myself sayin' to myself
Never console a wilder till you We
diskivered whether she's glad ont or
not
And also:
1T is a critters dooty to alleviate,
but thar is sucn a thing as allevatin'
too much
And likewise:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1904-06-08
PILGRIM JOE.
He Calls Attention to His AIIeviator
and Finds a Moral.

After restin' overnight at the enthusi-
astic town of Big Kyote, logged along
in the mOrnin on my way to Paradise
Corners at which place, as I had been
given to understand, the pOpulashun
was reckless with their cash, and
would not kick at rs cents a. bottle for
the best Pain Alleviator in the world.
L wish to take advantage of the pres
ent occasion to announce that this
remedy, compounded and corked by my
own hands, has now been before the
public for the last 10 years, and in no
single case has it failed to turn grOans
of despair into yells of gladness, if ia
ken according to directions. My Allie
Viator is not like q. minstrel show, over
in two hours and your money gone for
old gags, but 1t stays right by the
family for weeks and weeks, occupying
no space to speak of and costin' moth
in for board and lodgin's- Any drug
gist who recommends anythin' Just as
good is a hOrsethief and a liar.
Two miles west of the town I was
bound for I came upon a scene of woe
and sOrrer. The owner of a claim had
died the night before, and friends had
gathered to console the wilder. She
was woman weighin' 200 pounds, and
when spasms of grief shook her frame
1t was like a cyclone playin' around a
hoss-barn. When 1 halted my outfit
and got down to tender my Sympathy
and coincidence she fell upon me in
such Iall1Fuishin' manner that I went
down like ar OK before a thunderbolt.
words, and words of cheer and hope
and bimeby it occurred to me to make
an experiment with my Alleviator In
sellin the same to a miscellaneous pub
lie I hev often claimed that if a man
had not been dead over two DAYS it
would restore him to life, but such talk
passed for bumkum instead of truth
Here WAS my chance to make a trial
but the wilder hung off about it. and
it was half an hour before secured her
consent. She said her old man was
glad to die. and she didn't want to
hurt his feelfn's by bringin him back
to airth, but when her friends backed
me up she had to tell me to go ahead.
had no sooner come into the pres
ence of the decreased than l had a
suspicion that he was only in a trance
and there was hope in my heart as [
opened a bottle of the Alleviator and
pried his jaws open. The remedy went
gurglin' down his throat, and before a
mule could kick twice, his speerit was
back on airth and his body was bobbin'
on the bed. In ten minits he was able
to sit up, and in twenty he was able
to cuss in SIGH language as is never
heard at the front door of orphan
asylums.
1t was a grand advertisement for my
AIIeviator, and I was about to write
out an account of the circumstances
and hev it sworn to, when the woman
VINO had been a wilder half an hour
before bore down on me with disap-
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1904-06-08

AAC W eAS ltA4A1 VI d EllEIlIl f1lSSGll-
In sorrerin' with the sorrerful, it's
jest as well to let the old man stay
dead and the wilder marry agin."
1t took me an hour to git the grass
and weeds out of my hair and the rips
and rents in my wardrobe toggled up,
but by the time I reached Paradise
Corners I was lookin' like my old self
once more. That's a peeooliarity of
the Pilgrim bizness. You bend this
way and that, but you always spring
back to the original position AS
entered the town I was met by a
brass band and shouts of welcome, and
as came to a halt in front of the
tavern the mayor made an address of
welcome and five little maidens in
white sang of my heroism and great
ness.
Sich q, welcome made me proud anS
glad, but I felt that it was only my
due. For five years I had been 4 PHI
grim travelin' DER Oklahoma to relieve
the distressed and speak hopeful
words to the downtrodden, and why
shouldn't my arduous and fearful eff
forts be rewarded2 I was in a meltin'
mood toards all mankind, and wonder
in how many bottles OF my Alleviator
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1904-06-08
REAL ESTATE TRANSPORTS.

REAL ESTATE TRANSFERS.
~-~~-----~~-~--~~----~-~
NJ b. Popenoe and husband to NJ.
Bishir, lots 2U to 227, inclusive,
Kentucky street. Highland Park
addition -. ........-........-..-...-s rs
n. S. Possons and wife to I. R. Twad-
die, lots GA. 6I6 CTS and $50 Boles
avenue Martin & Dennis subdivis-
ION 4v0
f z. Buckner and husband to Mrs.
A. T. L1dzy, lot 3S9 Quincy street,
Ritchie's addition ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS 2,050
The Orchard Place Lot Co to c. W.
Marsh, lots IS and 65 Polk street,
Douthitt Place second addition. 300
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1904-06-08
wANTED-NIALE HELP.

>~0-0-0~~~0-~-0-~~o-~-~~0-
MOLER barber college. St. Louis, wants
men to learn barber trade, few weeks
completes; can nearly earn expenses ne
fore finishing If desired; tools and board
included, So to SIS weekly paid gracE-
ates. That beats hard work
WANTED-Man and wife to do chores.
DR.. Roby, 1890 Kansas ave
A GOOD POSITION is always open for a
competent man. His difficulty is to md
it. We have openings for high-grade men
in all capa cities-executive, technical and
clerical-paying from $1,000 to $4,000 a
year. Write for plan and booklet Hap
goods Qnc.), suite 917, Chemical bldg, ST
Louis. Offices New York. Chicago and L
other cities.
ABLE bodied unmarried men between ages
q and 35 citizens of United States OF
good character and temperate habits VINO
can speak, read and write English. For
information apply to recruiting ofrlcer, 40
Kansas ave, Topeka, Kan.
WANTED-Nden to learn barber trade.
splendid demand for graduates, 81 to
SIS weekly paid, few weeks completes, tools
donated, positions guaranteed, can nearly
earn expenses before finishing. Catalog
mailed free. A1oler Barber College, st.
Louis, Mo.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1904-06-08

ED-SITUATIoNs
ADMINISTRATION as housekeeper for
family leaving city for the summer, no
objections to children, by middle aged Ia
dy. Address NJ. J. s, care Journal.
WANTED-Situation by young girl as
cook and light homework in small fam
lily. Call or address 80 Quincy St Miss
Snyder.
WANTED-A light place to work by the
week only the forenoons, a good hand,
a good cook. Call at 917 Locust st. M *.
WHEN you want 20 hire man or boy,
call up Y. II. G. A telephone 81. We
have a list OF men and confidential ref
erences concerning them. y. M Z. A
Employment Bureau. III E sth It
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1904-06-08

SATIN TOILET SPECIALTTEs.
SATIN Skin Soap. 2 kinds, oval scented
toilet and square medicated curative.
Price 2 cakes Csc. RoWley & Snow s..
APPLY Satin-Skin Cream lightly, then
the Satin-Skin face powder Result
lovely satin complexion &c
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1904-06-08
FLORISTS.

MRS. N z HOLlCRAFT, ST Kanaas ave.
Cut flowers and floral designs Phone ia
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1904-06-08

sDany except Sunday. All others daIlx.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1904-06-08

J. A RosEN, Patent Attorney. as Kan
5as ave. Topeka
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1904-06-08

CUT FLOWERS ana nuraI designsa ~
Hayes. l07 W 8th at Both phones Efl-
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1904-06-08
MATCHMAKER.


+. W. WIEMAN, practical matchmaker
and engraver. All work done in neetest
promptest workmanship manner. at low
est prices. Highest cash price for old gold
and silver 1O7 W. 9TH St
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1904-06-08
HARDWARE.
MUSICAL.
OSTEOPATH.

ELIZABETH HARVEY. osteopath. rs
Kan ave, successor to DR. Linda Hardy.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1904-06-08

MOVING AND STORING.
-~~--~@~--------~~~-~----~
FOR moving, packing and shipping, Ath-
erton Bros. 200 E. 5th St Both phones sss.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1904-06-08

STORAGE.
MERCHANTS TRANSFER & STORAGE
Co. packs, ships and stores household
goods. Tel. 1856 Clarence Skinner. G1
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1904-06-08
PHYSICIANS AND SURGEONS.
HAIR DRESSING.

! SWITCHES. pompadours, ali kinds OF
/ hair work Mrs. Tan Week. "a z. 6th-
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1904-06-08

--~---~-~-~-~-~-~--~--~--
TOPEKA FREE DISPENsART, south
east corner 18th and Tyler SITS. from
to 2 D. m. except Sundays. Conducted By
regular practicing physicians for the
benefit OF persons without means who
need medical attention and treatment Pa
tents are assured OF careful and consid-
crate treatment Medicine furnished in
most cases.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1904-06-08
RAILROAD TIME TABLES.

And Everywhere Beyond
lEnective jan 3 18oA)
TRAINS LEAVE TOPEKA As For
Lows
EASTHOUNE.
20 II Chicago Nail and Express. s-ss -
- n East Elk. and Nail. .--.....- 10 - -
81 4 Fl Faso and Chicago Ex.... s.iE a.
30 10 Colorado and K 9. Flyer. 10 -
10 SO Colorado and K G. Ex.... 3 as On
WESTBOUND
~, II Chicago and Tex. Ex......lR. IKE ~.
NO. >. [oIoL-o - = AS~- -----.s-'----s - Pm
10. ls Is5Sas and isc- II e Al
No. 3 Cal1toLlttsa - - --S---IS TX u 20 pm
EORTHBOuND.
No. "a, St. Joe Bz.s;--........-..... 7sSs am
80 20 ST Joe and Chicago Ex.... IN T--
EOUTHBOUND.
No. 81. Chicago Ex.-------...--.-...12.2s pm
No. 52, S. w. E1zr.----'--.s....s-.-.--. osoS Fzn
All trains daily
For sleeping car reservations. ticksta
time tables. etc. apply to any Rock Inland
Ticket Agent
The Vermont watchman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1883-1911, 1904-09-08
ARE THEY ENGAGED?

Il car. always pick out an engaged
couple by their interest in diamonds, "
remarked an employe Of the Academy
OF Natural Science yesterday, as he
watched young man and woman
standing by one of the show cases.
Now, those two are married.
They merely glanced at the diamonds
and hurried to look at the gold and
silver.
But when lovers come in it isn't
necessary to look at the girls engage
ment ring to know that they expect to
become one very soon. Nine times
out of ten they don't wait to find out
for themselves where the diamonds
are, but they will approach the near
est guard with:
will you please show us the dia-
monds?" Then they'll stand there
for an hour at time, and Cupid
alone knows what they are saying to
each other. suppose he tells her she
il more to him than the biggest dia-
mond in the lot, but courtesy forbids
us TO listen. Philadelphia Press.
The Vermont watchman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1883-1911, 1904-09-08
ON TO MUKDEN?

The great battle at Liaoyang which
Thursday celebrated" III AN etfusion
of blood the birthday OF the Japanese
En- peror was apparently for the Rus
SLAMS rear-guard action covering a
contemplated or at least a possible
q Change OF base to Mukden. That
Kuropatkiu has been concentrating his
stores there is admitted IN ST. Peters
burg, but he is naturally abandoning
no good defensive position without a
struggle.
Mukden is politically as well ms
strategically important. 1t is busy
distribution point for the produce OF
Manohuria, of which it is the nominal
capital. 1t is also the ancestral home
and burial place OF the present i'm
perial dynasty of China. Its posses
sion by Japan would be of such polit
ical effect upon China that Kuropat
kin, once there, may be expected tC
fight desperately to maintain himself
Indeed, the defense of Liaoyang viii
rank as one of the greatest and mos
hotly contested battles of recon
history. New York World.
The Vermont watchman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1883-1911, 1904-09-08
ONE LIE NAILED.

The national campaign is young as
yet and it is very early to expect the
Democrats to be putting forgeries up
on the public Ordinarily such
choice lies of that sort as they think
will be effective are held until the
closing days OF the campaign. when
there is no opportunity to prove their
falsity. But the New York Sun calls
attention even now to an alleged quo
tation from a speech of President
Roosevelt made before the New York
Wool Exchange, October ~, 1896.
This so called quotation is contained
in campaign document which the
Democratic national committee de-
olares it will put into the hands of
every voter in the United States.
"Farmers--Mr. Bryan and his ad-
herents have appealed to the basest
set in the land-the farmers.
1t appears that what Mr.. Roosevelt
did say on that ocoasion-the only
thing that by any possibility could
be considered on the same subject
was the following.
Undoubtedly Bryan has great
hold upon the unintelligent and the
vicious. He attacks the type of
farmer whose gate hangs on one
hinge, whose old hat supplies the
place Of missing window pane, and
who is more likely to be found at the
CROSSROADS grocery than behind the
pillow"
This was very proper statement;
the other would have been about as
foolish and idiotio as possible. The
very matter in the Democratic version
brands it lie. But the people who
would swallow that sort of bait would
not be looking closely for consistency.
Now if this sort of lies is found in cir
culation in August. what will the last
days of the campaign produce?
The Vermont watchman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1883-1911, 1904-09-08
ABOUT THE STATE.

Charles Cassidy, foreman at the
freight depot at Brattleboro. was in
jured, perhaps fatally, during game
of quoits on the island Sunday. He
was accidentally hit on the head with
a seven pound rock thrown by play
err. He was taken home, but the in
jury was not considered serious until
Wednesday. A physician was called
and found a fracture of an internal
portion of the skull and hemorrhages.
Fatal consequences are feared. Cas-
sidy is married and is the father Of
four children.
A village meeting was held in Hard
wick on Tuesday evening to take &C.
tion on the water question deferred
from last week. There were but thirty
voters present. 1t was voted to appro-
pirate $4,000 to increase the present
water supply to the desired amount.
and it was left for the village trustees
to superintend. The new supply is to
be obtained from the Chase farm near
South Woodbury., where it is thought
there is an unlimited supply.
The Vermont watchman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1883-1911, 1904-09-08
THE PEOPLES CHOICE.

The established way, says Golfers
Weekly in its issue of August 81. for
a man to be nominated for President
has been, for many years, to convince
certain politicians, many Of them in
the United States Senate, that he
would suit their purposes. Lately
there have been a number who have
successfully stepped aside from that
road to office. Mr.. Roosevelt, on the
whole. has appealed to the people over
the heads of the politicians. What
ever his compromises. they have not
satisfied the bosses, and were it not
for the people he would be laid upon
the shelf forever. Mr.. Folk is the
protagonist in brilliantly dramatic
fight of the people against their Off
cial oppressors. Governor La Toilette
is similar figure. Golden Rule Jones
was another. When such men win it
is by letting themselves be known,
whereas politicians of the German
type. to succeed, must work always in
the dark; and the ebb Of German is
as good sign as the rise of Folk.
The Vermont watchman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1883-1911, 1904-09-08
CITY SCHOOLS

The schools opened Tuesday with
but two changes in the staff, Mrs.
Richardson place being filled by
Miss Wiley, who has been away on a
years leave of absence attending the
State Normal School at Salem, Mass,
and in the high school Miss Ferrin's
position being filed by Mr.. Thompson
who will be principal of the high
school.
A considerable sum has been. spent
upon repairs to the school buildings
this summer, building No. l having
been entirely reprinted, and the desks
everywhere are newly vanished. The
laboratory in the high school is re-
seated, new cabinet built and
chemical hood put in. A room has
been fitted up for physical training
for the high school girls. girls rest
room provided, and provision made
for the cadets. The school hours will
be from to IL and 130 to with
morning and afternoon recess. The
high school hours will be from 8 to
IL. 10 and 1880 to $50. The hours for
the primary rooms will be on a some
what different plan.
The course of study has been re-
vised. The course in arithmetic has
been strengthened and an attempt will
be made to secure more results. His
tory has been added to the lower
grades; physiology, also, with the in
tent of complying with the law in re-
gard to alcohol and narcotics. The
high school course has been strength
ened all around. The high school 10
the peoples college and the attempt
will be made as far as possible to give
in it liberal education better
preparation for college is also in view.
| In mathematics, solid geometry and
| trigonometry have been added book
| keeping has been placed in the course,
and considerably more work in Eng
llsh and history will be required. The
beginning class will be required to
take at least four subjects, as we'll as
made elective throughout with the
exception that four years English is
required of all. Provision is also
made for students who do not wish to
graduate but who wish to take any
special work. the idea being that the
school shall as far as possible fill all
the needs of the community.