Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1904-09-23
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Olu you ever get lnIO an argument
with him" Eyes, indeed" "He's
quite dogmatic, isn't he" "Oh. posi-
lively bull-dogmatic." - Philadelphia
Ledger.
,Boyle-The Korners live very fru-
gally indeed. They have cast-iron rules
for the spending of their money. Hoyle
That is what I should call rigid econ
omy.-Kansas City Journal.
Willy-Say. auntie, what did Uncle
Bob marry you for? Aunt-Why. for
love. of course. Willy (meditatively)
HIN! Love will make a man do al
most anything, won't it. auntie?
Rev. DR.. Thirdly-Don't you know,
little boy. that you shouldn't fish on
the Sabbath day? Tommy Toddles-I
amt a-fshin', boss, I'm jus 'teachin'
worms how ter swim.-Chicago Chron-
icle.
'Is she a new womanp Better
than new, even. You see, she secured
one hundred thousand dollars alimony
from her last husband, and that makes
her improved property York
Times.
How many lodges did you say your
husband belonged to?" she suddenly
asked. Fifteen" Mercy on me! But
think Of a man being out fifteen nights
week! 1 am really glad that I'm a
widow"
"Now, this fair" said the man who
had been chasing around ST. Louis.
with his nose in the air, "is plenty big
enough, but "Ahr' interrupted the
wise observer. care you from Chi
cago or Buffalo"
In India BARRIERS rank high. So
cially they are the equals Of the
priests" "say. where do poets come
in over thereF' Same place they do
here" where's thatg' Among the
illustrious dead" - Chicago Record
Herald.
''Is the boss going to give you the
raise you asked for?" "Well-er-I'm
afraid to say. I told him l thought
my pay should be commensurate with
tho amount Of work 1 do, and he
promptly agreed with me'-Philadel-
phia Press.
You must not expect me to give up
by girlhood's ways all at once" said
the happy bride. "Oh, won't" he re-
piled. ~ hope you'll keep right on
taking an allowance from your father
just as if nothing had happened."-
Superior Telegram.
Employment Agent-What was tho
matter with your last 'place? Domes-
tc-The missus was too particular.
Agent-in what way? Do
mestic- wouldn't let me lock the
baby in the foldin' bed Wen had COM
York Weekly.
$50 you are learning to spell, are you,
Johnny" asked grandmamma. "Yes,
grandma" was the reply. "Well, let
me hear you spell bread" 81 don't
believe I can, grandma" replied the
little FELLOW. But 1 think if had
small piece Of cake could spell that"
Great Edttor-I think it would be
good idea to print our circulation at the |
head Of our editorial page. What's the
population of this country? Business
forty million. Great
We'll not claim a circu-
lation Of over thirty-fve million. No
use exaggerating.
Teacher-Where is Russia? Inter
val Of dead silence. ''Come, nowi
come, come; you ought to be ashamed
Of yourselves not to know where Rus
sia is, especially just now. Where is
itT TOMMY knows, teacher. Teach
where? Tommy-Up a !
bloom1n' tree, teacher!
Yeast-They say babies are never
seasick. Crimsonbeak-Well, that ac-
counts for something. Yeast-What's
that? Crimsonbeak-When was
crossing, last summer, l saw a man |
as sick as he could be, singing, Back
ward, turn backward, o Time, in your
flight; make me child again, just for
to o-night."-Yonkers Statesman.
IL want half pound of water crack
ers," said Mrs. Newcome. "AI-fred
SORRY, ma'an," replied the country
but 1 amt got but two
dozen of 'em in the place" "Well, I'll |
take them" Jest wait ten, twenty
minutes. Hi Peters an Josh Slocum |
has been usin' them fur checkers, an
they're playin' the decidin' game now"
Mrs. Morton (angrily)-Tommy Hor-
ton, what made you hit my little John
ny? Tommy Horton-He struck me
with a brick. Mrs. Morton (more an
never let me hear of your
hitting him again. If he hits you, you
come and tell me- Tommy Horton
and what would you
DO? Mrs. Morton-Why, I'd whip him.
Tommy Horton Gn disgust}-What! he
hits me with brick. and you have the
fun Of licking him for it? Not muchi I