The Washington times., 1904-04-18


Nail. Its reproduction in The Times
win doubtless cause much comment ana
curiosity TO know who the Hon. James
Carrot really is:
The subject of this sketch has lived
for such a long time under the pene-
trating rays of the searchlight that l
am sure ne will not mind my poor
farthing candle being brought to bear
on his most remarkable career. 1t Is
even possible that he may write TO
thank ne. for ne is not the man TO
undervalue an advertisement. however
humble He is a man who, In spite OF
the constant ridicule of both friend and
foe. persists in taking himself seriously,
and is determined TO keep his name be-
fore the world. His methods OF doing
so have been exposed over and over
again; and the consequent ridicule which
would have killed smaller man, has
only put more grit into the Hon.
James
The result has been that he has
reached. at the age OF thirty-fve.
position which another man. OF the same
brain power but possessing in addition
a mod cum of modesty. might with luck
reach at the age of siXJy-five. For to-
day. after President Roosevelt and Ad-
miral Dewey. the Hon. James is the
most widely-known name in the United
States Of America.
Land of Liberty.
"Ameriea-the land Of liberty and OF
people who take liberties with our
mother tongue-was about 10 choose a
fresh dictator The Bird of Freedom
/ was in the throes of indecision. At
1 last. President Cleaver Groveland was
| selected and endowed with absolute
/ triple-tyrant power for period OF four
/ years.
The President appointed a day on
which to distribute loot in the shape of
: judgeships and other good things
among his supporters, The latter in
cluded two men with whom we are
( vitality concerned.
one was Boss Carrot, a mighty
/ political wire-puller. VINO had at one
time held fifty votes leach one counting
/ two on a division. don't forgeD in the
hollow of his hand. The other was
James Garrett, backwoods reporter
twenty-five years Of age. who wore
spectac!es and had needlessly long hair
over his forehead and over the back
of his turned-down collar He had his
humble share in the influencing of a
! fraction or one vote
Both at White House
IN the appointed day. both repaired
TO the White House with mouths wide
open to receive whatever fruit might be
dropped into them. The young reporter
got up first. got there first and was
SHOWN in first Before the uncrownSd
emperor had had time 20 get up from
his chair. the reporter fired off: I con-
graduate you. Mr.. President, on the
nOblest victory that the sacred cause OF
Freedom
- L can give you two minutes Mr.. Gar
ret said the President, who had mis-
taken him for the Boss. and wanted
the Interview a short one because he
dreaded a reference TO certain obliga-
tons I have decided to offer you the
embassy at Samoy. Do you accept?'
Mr. President. 1 can hardly
Take it or leave it, said the Presi-
dent
- take it. MIR. President
, when can you start?'
! - shall start this afternoon. Mr.
President
D." Good. you're the sort Of man I like
gOod-by'
! THE newly-accredited ambassador
, D
! for the Pacific Coast within the hour.
"Boss" Carrots Rage.
r me rage of Boss Garrett, when
later in the day. he was offered an In
significant postoffice, was very active
and found expression Ia such forciblt
language that he was removed before
the mistaken Identity could be discov-
cred. The incident, however, was very
heavily paid for by the Publican party
at the next election. The Love facts
were supplied TO me by an officer OF
the United States Navy
The Hon. James now came within
my own purview, for / was the sub
editor OF the 'Samoy Star at the time
of his arrival in Samoy. ! remember
was the first TO point out IN print that
he was the youngest envoy that had
ever been sent by one civilized state tc
e another.
= He had spent his time on the voyage
e in reading every known book on diplo-
{ macy and etiquette. and / must now
( confess that he adapted himself to his
changed conditions remarkably well.
Greets the Hostess.
Il first met him in the flesh at Mrs
, MeNen's at home. He arrived rather
=, late. walked straight up TO his hostess
/, and I'm loud voice. which the Who'll,
room had TO listen to. said:
- Mrs. Mcneil. | salute you as tn.
BEAUTIFUL and leading lady representa-
tive Of that mighty nation from which
l. as the representative Of the creates
!, Republic in the world, am proud to b,
descended. 1 salute you as the wifi,
Of gentleman who holds I'm this grea
city position equaled by few and sur
!, IasSed by none, and / hope that YOU
I life in the East Will be as pleasant
G "All this time he had been holdinI
g Mrs. McNeirs hand. The latter nov
: withdrew her hand. and cut short hi
; eloquence by rushing OF 10 greet new
= arrival / believe he made simila
- | speeches TO all the other ladies h,
: | called on, for. even TO this day, he u
!. Incapable of conversing In anything BIZ
paragrap hs
He did not let the grass grow undo
/ his feet In Samoia for he had not bee
four months in the land before his coun
trymen In America were reading tn
most entertaining accounts OF him
Samoy, like every other place, had
| collection OF ancient local stories whicl
were handed down and related OF I'll
most convenient people that they cool
be tackled on 10. Everyone knows tn
e kind OF story / mean-how Smith fcun
s a python IN his bed one night. or how
Z Earhe11r ma StrIdavl.r