The Birmingham age-herald., 1904-11-27

"Thim poor la-ads in Port Arthur must be havin' tur-rble time," said MT. Hennessy.
 "Ye niver can tell" said MT. Dooley. "Iv coorse it looks as though they were. Ivry dayor two whin Port Ar thur hasn't fallen no more or is laid up firm tn last fall, I read in tn pa apers that tn corryspondint iv tn London Fudge, highly onprejudicel obsarver or liar stationed at Chefoo has larned firm a Chinyman who has jus arrived firm Peld n on a junk that tn conditions is something that wur- ruds cannot describe. Says he: 'Th' conditions at Port Arthur baffle de- seription an stagger tn imagination. On'y fourteen iv tn original defnders survive an they ar-re rayjooced to skeletons. They live in underground caves an cook their boots on eXplod- in bombs dhroppel in be tn Japanese. Las week Gin'ral Blinkovitch shot an kilt Gin-ral BejeesId in a quarrel over a bar iv soap which tn former was atin' fir lunch. Gin'ral Stossel has lost both arms, a leg an tn right ear, but he is still cheerful an las night had his fur overcoat cooked an sarved at a dinner to tn officers iv tn" Probijienky reg'mint. He proposed a toast to tn imp'ror in kerosense. Tn toast was subsiqintly devoured be tn famished garrison. None iv tn garrison sleep at night much on ac- count iv tn heejous roar iv tn Jap nese shells which are dropped into tn town at t. rate iy wan millyon day. Me informant tells me, an he's a man whose wurrud I wud accipt as soon as me own, that tn ships in tn harbor have been conyarted into junk, which must not be confused with tn Chinese boats iv tn same name. As fast as they are destroyed, they ar-re eaten be tn crew. It is no uncommon sight to see a starvin' Russian sailor diVin' in tn harbor fir a cast iron bolt or some such toothsome morsel Tn intilligent Chinyman who brought me tn news escaped just as tn cook f'r Gin'ral Stossel was about to put him in tn oven. The Chinese are great sticklers f'r presarvin' their identity afther death an this man nachrally didn't like to line his an- cestors in tn shape iv chop-sooey. Altogether tn condition iv Port Ar thur is worse thin ye'er readers cud imagine an almost as bad as they cud hope. Tn Port Arthur Daily Mel ojeen, tn on'y pa-aper now published there, has a long kicK in tn last issue about delinquent subscribers. It is headed 'Meanin' You an goes on to say that tn iditor an his wife mus live, that they have jus moved into a new dug-out an that if tn cash is not forthcomin he will be obligel to intuition names."
 An that's what I can't under stand, Hinnissy. How is it, dye sup pose, that if Port Arthur is so bad off, they can have daily paper? Tn man that runs it must be a gr-reat journal ist I wuddent like to give up me paper It's all have in life But if 1 was as thin as an empty hen-coop an had just devoured me las collar an If I knew that I wuddent make aven dacint muss if a Jap'nese shell hit me, but wud look like a pile iv loose lathes an shavin's sthruck be a cyclone, dye suppose In thim cir cumstances I wud be polite to man who come ar-round an offerel me an onyx clock an hatful iv thradiu' stamps to subscribe to his pa-aper? An thinks iv tn iditor. What a job He has aten pair iv rubber boots an washed it down with pint iv ink an he has to go out an collict tn news on his hands an knees. Then he has to write it up: Society jottings: Ourselves an wife attinded a mos jovyal gathering at Gin'ral Punspink- ki's palatchal quarthers in Boomproof A las night. Tn jaynial gin'ral had provided bountiful repast-a beau tifully cooked war map which he had procured at great expinse. Tn Jap nese advanced positions fell to our lot m we put it away with great gusto