davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-10-07

BY the time a wise guy is rich
enough to marry the fool has children
big enough to support him
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-10-07

Ede1 Chs ReG7ecked husband and
ia. bachelor who has been disapRoint-
ed In fGTs may envy each other.
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-10-07

The way to convince a crowd you
are night is TO get a man in an argu-
ment with you and let him do the
talking
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-10-07

Hoax-''ThOss two shirtmakeTs are
always together" JOax-Tes, they
are bosom friends
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-10-07

Sillicus-'.Do you believe that love
is blfnd?' Cynicus-"Yes. but mar
FiaEe is an eye-ope1er"
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-10-07

TQ give = b0y q bIoEing VR Doesn't
zecsss4rf1y cause him TO rise IA the
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-10-07

Some men get there because they
are pushers and some others because
they are kickeTs-
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-10-07

Su6ECs Ind LsHi8' sSinzIs BindsrH
g-4-ltnS 50 C1gaR betteE quality EheR noss
&c bIz11fts. Lewis Fae6o-y, Peoria. "a.
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-10-07

YodH never find a woman nistrUst-
ing maR who always signs when he
EpeS<E OF the day she married some
BODY eIse.
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-10-07

Pls5ECue fer Coasu1pe0a is an izzazlIbas
Zsdf1nefE cu1zhs sad ceIds--N- W SAEEsRL.
Sosa1GEEgss n J, Fes- AZ, ISeo-
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-10-07

Johnny-Maw's always taIkin' about
hygienie diet What is a hygienic
diet?
Tommy-Its a kind Of diet you don't
ike,
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-10-07

A man can't help wondering If
women ever really fool each other with
their kisses.
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-10-07

Aliens Foet-Esss, Wsnserfui Remedy.
'iHsTe tried ALIENS FOOT-EASE, and
4nd Is 90 be = csrtaiR surS, and gives com
fort 90 one suffering with sore, tender and
swollen feet VIII recommend ALIENS
EOOT-EASE T. my friends, a. Is Is
certainly 2 wonderful rsnedy.-Ars. y.
H Guilferd, New Orleans, La"
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-10-07

What woman likes to do is to trust
q man, especially II she knows he Is
not to be trusted.
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-10-07

Most people would rather be wrong
and argue about IL than right and have
nobody dispute it.
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-10-07

The fellow who is looking for tTou-
bic needs neither a search warrant nor
a kit OF burglars tools
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-10-07

When the curtain drops between the
acts q man is reminded that he needs a
few drOpE.
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-10-07

enjoy being seasick il it is on her we'd
ding trip.
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-10-07

lis Wife's tight shoes have caused
many = man to regret having given q
single blessedness.
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-10-07

A nan likes TO get his wife in an
automobile and then run It 50 fast
that she is frightened specifies
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-10-07

Is because made by an entirely different
FroEez Defiance Starch - anliks any
sthaEs bcEoGr ana one-thlra zsrS for IL
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-10-07

It is quite possible for a man to have
q hare lip without a mustache.
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-10-07

It takes more than a razor strop to
sharpen ones appetite
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-10-07

some people never attempt 20 90
auFtAiES for fear they RiEht 60 It
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-10-07

No. Msude, dear; eating with knife
is not calculated to sharpen ones ap-
petits.
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-10-07

Nearly every time q man displays
his temper he loses It
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-10-07

The foOl-killer should be removed
from ONCE for cause
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-10-07

EJa3-"His conversation s. 50 polish
ed Belle-"Tes: so polished that il
has 10 psl1t."
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-10-07

g" Wf2Slow"B BOoehtng 6"z.
Eoe cZlEsl eess1ilE, aofho1G ehR Farza rsAarzl a.
aaH1Eaz1as sA5IP&[ csESs W1as c0{ts- EEss b1sza.
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-10-07

~ - q Data HouseJSeessEs
SHe N3e3aRos Goa water S1a<uh. Secza1
& 6 BettE. sd OF. El9rs Sf L for saH
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-10-07

The fellow who shutters has lots Of
time TO think twice before he speaks.
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-10-07

Tue impecunious poet meets with
verses and reFerseS.
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-10-07

Seeing isn't believing when you can
see through the schemes Of a sWindler.
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-10-07

When trouble calls it usually finds
= man at home
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-10-07

Men should be elected TO Office be-
cause Of their qualifications for the job
and not for the purpose OF keeping
them out Of Jail.
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-10-07

Even q man Wh0 viii take q tip On
q horse race and bet GA IL Il seldom
rash enough to ask 3 Raa 20 dinner
without first consulting his wife about
il.
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-10-07

The SEzzEas ETe Remedy c.. ChioaEa-Ead Hen,
Eys BS0E fEsa- write s6ez EbozE E0a- sysa
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-10-07

Some people would rather be right
than be president, because it's easier.
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-10-07

OF course the infant is boss OF the
house. When q woman goes out
doesn't her husband have to mind the
baby?
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-10-07

A mans idea OF hard work is any
kind at which he can't sit down and
smoke
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-10-07

4 fellow seldom becomes a 5aiIbird
Just for lark
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-10-07

No man is as queer as he thinks
other people are.
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-10-07

As men Of parts actors are not in #
with BARRIERS
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-10-07

The mOtheF-in-lav joke dates back
to Solomon. who had a thousand wives.
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-10-07

Mostly always 8 woman fs pretty
mad about something when she has a
EEea smile for everybody.
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-10-07

Some women indulge in tight laeing
Just 70 keep things from going to waist
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-10-07

Some people never lend q hand IN
less it's empty
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-10-07

Even the fre-eater has been known
to take water
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-10-07

SQHs women follow the fashions
dOsey. bat never quite catch up with
thsH-
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-10-07

Shut your eyes when you look at the
faults OF q friend.
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-10-07

Arbitration may settle a dispute, but
il won't settle a bill
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-10-07

A woman is always pretending that
she never pretendS.
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-10-07

A crank is the discOverer Of theory
before the public is ready TO pay for IT
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-10-07

'DE. David Kennody'B F4yOEits Remedy
Er8 proaps ard cozapistc RELIEF dypslala
EFerdsrsaEezeas' = r TrSuhr1dEo. Harisnl Rs, E-T
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-10-07

Nasgsby-Was BTagEsby surprised
when he was nominated for the gov
eTnorshiD7
Wsggsby-S1Tprised I should say
So Why, he was so taken abaek that
he almost forgot the speech Of accep-
lance he had prepared in advance.
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-10-07

Any fool may talk, but it takes a
wise guy to get listened to-
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-10-07

It's the good points OF girl that
The fellows get stuck On.
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-10-07

intellectually is the cause Of bald
ness. So says = baldheaded scientist
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-10-07

The average man is very patriotic
when there are no war clouds in sight
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-10-07

More worry is caused by the money
people have than by the money they
haven't.
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-10-07

ERoEld Be in every household aG1e 50
goods besides e. more for 10 cents than
any GShe brand sf cold water starch.
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-10-07

The advocate Of woman's rights
often finds that wonan's left.
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-10-07

Love not only laughs at lOcksmiths,
but giggIes at any old thing
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-10-07

A busy man is about as sOcizble IS
a woman with the tOothache.
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-10-07

It's easy enough to be pleasant Il
You always have your own way.
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-10-07

A maU may mind his own business
and still be narToW-minded-
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-10-07

It's q POOR rule that won't work our
way.
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-10-07

The Dsn With q boil ON his neck IS
naturally hot under the collar.
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-10-07

A girl can't even blush without bzE-
inE 4 certain amount Of cheek.
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-10-07

Yea can whitewash a reputation, but
the spOts wiz show through.
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-10-07

The man who agrees with nobody
thinks everybody else is wrong.
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-10-07

The fellow who wins a girls hand
feels that he carries on the palm.
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-10-07

There's a lot OF money lost every
day trying to find little.
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-10-07

A man is always willing to share his
good opinion himself
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-10-07

W. y. U.-LiucOln--SO. 3O-IOe4
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-10-07

!. one ioo Paskase oolOrs ether SIX wosl or eoso-
alozA MONROE DKUG CO. Unss-rSIEIs, -
The Redwood gazette., 1904-09-07

sofa battalion, was severely wound
ed in the battle Of Deep Bottom,
Aug. Ia. He was wounded while
in the very front nobly cheering on
his men, and within twenty feet Of
the enemy's works.
-
The sand bars continually en-
croach on the channel of the river.
The cows Craze and children play
where in times past fine steamers
freighted with human life have
padded many feet above their
heads.
The Redwood gazette., 1904-09-07
What's In "A Name?

Everything is in the name when 1t comes
to Witch Hazel Salve. e. @. Dewitt & Co
discovered some years ago how to make a
salve of witch hazel that Is specific for
piles. For blind, bleeding, itching and pro-
truding piles. eczema, cuts burns and bruis-
es and all skin diseases, DeWitt's Witch haz-
eli salve has no equal This has given rise to
numerous worthless limitations. Ask for
DeWitt's-the genuine. Sold by II. M. Hitch
cock IS Co.
The Redwood gazette., 1904-09-07
ish them?

A private OF company " young
Men : Guard of st. Paul') Sixth
regiment, writes from Helena, Ark:
Company G. that left St. Paul
ninety strong, now reports twelve
men for duty. II we have good
luck. we expect to get out of this
sickly hole.
Col. Mattson, Lieut.. Col. Foster
and Adjt. Pierce, together with
fifty men Of the Third Minnesota,
on furlough, arrived home on the
Albany yesterday. Other parties
of this regiment stopped off at vari-
Gus points along the river.
Commodore Davidson is not dis
couraged at the low stage of the
river. He seems to get more pluck
as the disasters thicken. He is now
spending hundreds Of dollars con-
structing wing dams on the bars at
Newport, Grey Cloud, Nininger and
other places. so that his steamers
may reach here with their valuable
freight.
A huge rock, twenty feet square
and five feet in thickness, has fallen
by blasting, right on the track of
the Minnesota Central at the foot of
Chestnut street. This would make
an excellent foundation rock for the
war monument to our fallen heroes
soon to be built.
An unusually cold winter is pre-
dicted for next year on account of
the severe and prolonged drouth OF
this spring and summer.
Owing to the great drain OF labor
into the army the area sown to
wheat IN Minnesota was greatly re-
duced, and owing to the drouth the
yield will not be more than two
thirds of an average crop to the
acre.
Nearly six miles of iron is lying
in barges on the Newport bar,
about equally divided between the
St. Paul & Pacific and the Mime
sofa roads.
Several more men were secured
for the city's quota, and we are now
almost out of the woods. In a day
or two more we hope to announce
that our quota is filled.
Judges Flandrau and Atwater
have commenced the practice of
their profession at Carson City, Ne
vada.
The grasshopper plague is still
ravaging the Minnesota valley.
They travel in huge swarms and
eat everything in sight that is eat
able. Many farmers will have a
hard time of it this winter. The
small crops left by the drouth are
utterly destroyed by this later pest.
Our war correspondent, Lieut..
Henry O'Brien of the First Mime
The Redwood gazette., 1904-09-07
FISH DYING ATsALBERT LEA.
Artesian Well Water at That Place
Against Their Health.

A recent issue of the Albert Lea
Tribune says that "there wasicon-
sternation written upon the faces
OF everybody this morning when it
was learned that the fish in Foun-
tain lake wete lying dead along the
shore and that almost countless
thousands of others were gasping
for breath and crowding about the
artesian wells, apparently seeking
for fresh water and air. There
were big pickerel, perch, buIl-heads,
suckers, and any other kinds found
in the lake. The matter was dis
cussed as to the cause ofthis whole
sale slaughter, but no solution
could be found, as the water is at a
good stage and is even now pour
ing over the dam. It was stated a
chemical had been placed in the
lake to kill the vegetable growth
and that might have resulted fatal
ly, but the Tribune has no knowl-
edge of such action being taken and
if it had been DR.. w. E. Todd said
no death to fish could have been
caused. The fatalities seemed just
as great in the upper lagoon as ia
the lower.
Further Investigations proved
that the fish were dead and dying
in Albert Lea lake and also in Pick
erel lake, and these facts complicate
matters still further, as Pickerel
lake has no connection with either
of the lakes close to this city. 1t is
believed the fish are unwholesome
for food and the board of health has
posted notices warning people
against taking them. The state
board of health will be invited to
investigate the matter and ascertain
the cause, for the determination of
the fish is calamity, as it has cost
great money and effort to stock the
lakes. Then too, there will be a
heavy expense in removing and
burying the tons that line the
shores.
The park commission has ordered
the city bath house closed and no
more bathing will be permitted,
there at least until such time as it
is proven the water is not Of a pois-
onous character.
The board of health and council
are planning to remove the dead
fish from the shores of Fountain lake
and it is realized that it will not be
a small task, as the shore line is a
long one. The work must be done,
or otherwise the stencil will be un-
bearable.
Yesterday afternoon and last
night many Of the fish that were
apparently lifeless and others in
dying condition revived, and the
number along the shore is much
less than yesterday morning. Sew
eral parties heard loud detonation
Thursday night, as ifa heavy charge
of dynamite had been exploded and
if such was the case that would ex-
plain the stunned and dazed condi-
ton of the fish, and their subsequent
reviving. This would not account
for the dead and dying in Albert
Lea and Pickerel lakes, however.
One thing is certain, there are few
if any fish to be seen along Ban
croft creek.
Among the fish seen during the
examination were black bass,
croppies, pickerel, perch, suckers,
aud bullheads, while one claim was
made that pike had been seen, but
there seems some doubt as to the
correctness of this. One fact is
plain, and that is, there was
myriad OF fish in the lake and with
a good stage of water maintained
there is no reason why they should
not continue to thrive and increase.
The Redwood gazette., 1904-09-07

A man named John Pendergast
entered the Pioneer Office last even
ing and deliberately discharged a
pistol at the head OF Mr.. E. R. Otis,
the local editor. The shot missing,
he attempted to kill his victim by
pounding him over the face and
head with the weapon. The prompt
interference of bystanders prevent
ed the preparation of the most cold
blooded and brutal murder ever
occurring in the state. The man
was promptly taken before Justice
McElrath and held in the ridiculous
" small bail of $500. OF what avail
is the utmost vigilance of the police
in arresting criminals if the latter
are to find an accompIlce in the
magistrate whose duty it Is to pun
The Coconino sun., 1904-11-12
LOCKED IN Ills VAULT.
Treasurer storm Of Iayapai Is Robbed Of SI5.3OO. Bound and Gagged in his
 office Election Day.

 Wednesday morning about 9:30 o'clock, a little dog belonging to her father bounded gleefully at her from the in side of the room.
 Mir. Storm had failed to report at home during the night after election but this circumstance had not occa- stoned particular apprehension on the part of his family on account of the excitement usually accompanying elec- tion times, and the proneness of polit- icians to keep late hours.
 When the daughter however discov- cred that the little dog, which was a pet of her father had been prisoner all night, in his office she immediately became alarmed and remarked to a person near her that she believed something had happened to her father.
 She immediately went to the door of the vault and turned the combination and to her great astonishment found her father seated on a pile of books, bound and gagged with pieces of heavy wire.
 The gag was made of white hand kerchief over which was a piece of wire which extended around his face and neck and the ends of which were securely twisted together at the back of his head
 His hands were also bound behind his back with similar piece of wire although his feet were free.
 Mir. Storm was at once released and told the following story as to how he came to be in this position:
 ''I was sitting in the office about 4:30 yesterday afternoon reading paper. had just come from the polling booth. Suddenly l heard a voice saying, Throw up your hands.i Turning around saw two men stahdihg behind me, one pointing a: big pistol at me. threw up my hands, and. then the man told me to go inside; the vault, which was open. I walked in, keeping my back to the robbers. When inside they gagged me with my own handker- chief, and then tied my hands, Then they went to work, .ransacking the safe and it's contentsi p, 1Aeras were several sacks containing about sl,6Oe each in the vault think they got About s9,- 900 or sl0,O0O. Then was left in the room and the door of the vault closed. I guess the men then walked of. began to kick and stamp to attract some attention. I waited hour after hour all night, and until late today before anyone came.
 "That is all I can tell about it. One of the men seemed to be tall and the other shorter. I did not see the one behind very we'll, as he was be- hind the front one, the one with the gun. The one l saw good had white handkerchief around his face from his eyes down."
 The announcement that the county treasurer had been gagged and bound and the treasury robbed created quite a sensation on the streets and formed the principal topic of conversation during the day, showing politics into the background for the time.
 Little groups of citizens could be seen on the street corners during the day in animated conversation, the sub ject being this sensational robbery.
 The sheriff's office was immediately notified and Undersheriff Carter was the first one to enter the office after
The Coconino sun., 1904-11-12
A s,s cstds' Deal.

On Monday of this week another large cattle daar.taoE place here by which Sheriff James A. Johnson pur- chased of DriP<A.i iNelick, a. ra9ch at Maine, the Bow-B ranch, better known as the old Bennett place, and the Bar Cross ranch. Tom Wagner's old head quarters, doAn ot the rim, and all the cattle ana.1ppurrenapres thereto. We are not st4berts to statestha. amount involved in tbeStransaction, but may say that it runs vel Hp into the five figures. .TZaf.M
 The country around the Bar-Cross ranch is eh ideal etaging section, with good water supply already developed and many further opportunities. MT. Johnson recently embarked in the business out. from Flagstaff on small scale, and this step is more in the right line. Jim knows the business and we predict for him unqualified success.
 Herb Yoder, who was connected with Dr. Melick in the bushes, will remain at the ranch for the next few weeks until the new owner has things in good running order. Williams News.