The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1904-05-24
THE NONPAREJL MAN
vesta Ia vlestra, cosfnolosIst. Goes to
Neptune, Meets Her Soul Mate and Tells
All About It to an Interested Audience.
How the NeptunIans Have Patented q
poets Beverage,

$500 - ~ GIL iUISTSSS0N SNN0'SstSSH5F
How the NeptunIans Have Patented q
Poets BEVERAGE n
The chronological center ii much stirred
In New York by lady named 'Vesta la
Viestra, cosmologist'' who has just re-
turned from the planet Neptune with the
receipt for making poet. She explained
to a delighted audience Sunday how She
had made the trip to Neptune in 100 hours
IN the form OF a shooting star. Only one
of the audience seemed to doubt any Of
her statements. He asked that she pro-
iduce the two Neptunites that she said re-
turned with her to study earth dwellers.
Unfortunately for the doubling one they
had been called back to Neptune yester-
day afternoon.
The poets beverage in Neptune, Vesta
explained, is made up Of little pellets Of
universal spiritualized substance made of
the essence Of being, which the manipula-
tors dexterously handle with sort Of
tWeezers. They touch 1T against an cleo
trio bar and instantly fumes arise like unto
steam. 81 81
When one breathes this effervescence
ones entire being Is tensioned up until
quivers with expectancy. This greatly ex-
cites the medulla oblongata and stimulates
the sub-lingual glands,
Can this be beer?
Then Vesta explained how, while sit
ting on Neptune, she had met her soul
mate. Did you ever notice how these
people who travel to Neptune and back
always have "soul mates? 1t is strange
and peculiar. but true, that when we meet
a person who has a "soul mate our inner
being SHES violently, trembles in every
limb snorts and paws the roadway.
Vesta then went on at length to ex-
plain how her soul mate. had kissed her
without ~ 1o1 INV he RYhy,f,, vior,
police for sparkling in the parks-and all
that kind of stuff
| Soul mates! Huh!
Did you know that Jessie has sixty
yards OF lace on her graduating dress?
We predict fierce rush for the Glencoe
public library. It has recently secured
| Temperance Sermons" by Beecher;
History Of Ancient Persia by Norris;
Spofford's Library of Historic Charac-
ters'' in steen volumes and "Alice Of Old
Vincennes.'' Whoop!
Scientific people are digging up relics
of ancient races on the Broken Kettle and
Sioux rivers in South Dakota. The an
Client races who dumped about a barrel OF
tin cans on lot close to our posie garden
ought to be dug up and fined.
Will Chamberlin in the vermillion, s.
-, Republican hopes to. have ''the old
home paper" follow him into the othe,
world. He says: s,4,4s-t>
When life's las curtain futters
| ~ Down on this stage for me,
l E' ID like the stick-tag altered
To read Eternity;
So in that Land Of Shadow
i }E I'd have Something Il to cheer,
| An prove to good st. Peter
| How well they liked me here.
It would give an old honey flavor to thu
! place to see st. Paul standing on the
postoffjce steps reading The Tarsus Daily
News or to hear st. John reading to
friend excerpts from the Ephesus Week.,
Herald or to see David running over thu
poets corner in the Jerusalem Tyre to sc,
If the boys were keeping UP the standard
! AS Mr.. Chamberlain says:
) Somehow the OIL home paper
Is jes' like cider made
, In the cosy mill thet's standn'
. In the orchards autumn shades
It's sweet an pure an honest,
! An tells of them we love
OF darlin' babies given ls55f
An nefghbors called above.
Mr.. Kate Upson Clark lis again out tell
ing how we geniuses are such irrespon
: sible folk Kate says:i ,.tsfItz
Genius is tnssaity Il order to be genius
tion.. It is hard for people Of artistic tempera
ment to conform to ordinary rules. Thus d
vorces, suicides, drunkenness and impulsive vice
are found among people of genius. The IRE
sponsible temperament seems to be absolutel
, necessary to art
Come on, boys, let's all go out and hav
a cigarette.
1 There is something about rhubarb pi
, that always gives one the idea that rhu
barb ought to make a great pie. We la
emphasis on that little word Ought
j There is a certain tang to the plant 4
= tho nature had said:
!. Here, at length, is the real pie ma
: terial. Now it's up to you to do the rest.
: But from the time nature tossed off tn
3 rhubarb plant, nobody has yet been abb
> to get exactly the right combine with tn
!. pie crust. so that it does not becon
i waterlogged or pasty, or something equal
e ly as fatal to the perfect pie.
We have sat down with high hopes be
fore rhubarb pie. probably an hundred
o yes, five hundred, times. and have rise
: up with sorrow. Yet. we have always re
tanned our childish faith that the mate
rial was there and that somewhere, some
: how, the perfect pie made Of rhubar
2 would blossom out into full orbed glor,
9 and that humanity would rise up and or!
S behold the pie
4 To those people who have sat down t
] Watery rhubarb pie and risen up to mour
9 We say, do not despair. Wait. Some
h Where in the loom of the future waits til
s perfect pie, to bless mankind and to she
J the light of it's faky, fragrant glory on
:. rejoicing and rejuvenated race"
: Nice showers we have been having late
: ly, don't you think? "A. j. r.
: AT THE THEATERS