Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1904-11-18

"Pa, what do they mean by the
death rateY 'That, my son, is the
speed at which an automobile travels" /"
Leader.
Van Tart don't think much Of
leap year. LIE Whey-What's the mat
teri Van Tart-The girls propose to
you, but expect you to buy the ring.
The button trust is. bankrupt. The
button Is a small article, but It has
destroyed the peace of many home.
and 1t Is only ripping as it has been
sewed.-Baltimore American.
John" said stingy old hunk to his
hired man, as he was taking dinner.
do you know how many pancakes
have eaten fourteen" "Well," said
John, you count and I'll eat"
"But have you any expectations,
young MANI" "Of course, I have.
Three rich girls want to marry me,
but am going to give your girl the
first chance. Plain Dealer.
II just wisht 1 wuz bigger" said
Mischieyous Willie Smart. Indeed p
asked his mother. "How much big
ger" 'Oh, just big enough to do all
the things git blamed for dOin' now"
Freda-He claims to be related to
you, and says he can prove it. Floyd
Related to me? Why, the mans
fool. Freda-Of course; but that may
be a. mere Observation-Disclosures
Bits. ~,
Jack-Women have no head for fig
ures. Tom-How do you make that
out? Jack-I know a girl whose edu-
cation cost her father ten thousand.
and she can't figure her own age cor
rectly. ~.. ..
Jury" said a Western Judge, "you
kin go out and find a verdict. If you
can't find one Of your own. get the
One the last jury used" The jury re-
turned a verdict Of suicide in the ninth
degree.
: "Halloar' cried the neighbor. '.What
are you building new chicken house
forT "Why." replied Nettles, "for
flock Of pink elephants, Of course.
You didn't suppose I'd put chickens in
it, did you"
Red-And when this happened on
the links, was he addressing the ball?
Green-Well, 1 don't know just what
he was addressing, but it was quite
evident from the language that he was
not addressing Sunday school.
Meeks-Why don't you try DR..
Quackem's elixir of life? A friend of
mine who took a bottle of it praises it
to the skies. Weeks-Yes, and friend
Of mine who took three bottles Of the
stuff is now up there somewhere.-Chi-
cago News /
A precocious youth telegraphed to
his parents on their golden wedding
day: "Is marriage a failure?" The
old couple laid their heads together
over the reply-paid form, and present
ly made answer: mo; but its results
sometimes are.' 4 s.. -
II never knew till now why this
was such a windy country" said the
bright little girl travelling through Hli-
nois. "And have you discovered why?"
asked her father. "Of course. See all
the windmills on these farms we're
passing" g."-Philadelphia Ledger. 81:
"Darringer, have you half-sov-
ereign you don't want" "Why, GER
tainly. Here it Is" The next day
Il say, Darringer, that half-soverefgn
you gave me was a bad one" "Yes,
Bromley. You asked me If I had a
that didn't want"
"Why do the roses fade slowly
away2" she inquired POLITICALLY.
WELL" replied the baldheaded young
man, "when you think it over it's all
Tor the best. It's more comfortable to
have them fade slowly away than to
30 of all of a sudden, like a torpedo"
That's my last canvas" said
O'Auber; 81 started that six months
lgo. You see, some days 1 paint
lway feverishly, forcefully. absorbed
y, while on other days 1 can't paint at
ILL.," 'I see," said Crittck; "you
painted this on one Of the other days."
Press. /
"If Crabbe ever comes around your |
,lace borrowing anything" said Sub
,ubs, don't let him have it." You've |
Ipoken too late" replied Newcomer;
he was around this morning." you're
,asy. What was he borrowingT
Trouble. He's in the hospital now"
Ledger.
As my wife at the window one beau
iful day stood watching a man with
monkey a cart came along with a
roth Of a boy, who was driving a
tout little donkey. To my wife then
spoke by way of joke-"There's a
elation of yours in that carriage" To
which she replied, when the donkey
he spied-"Ah, yes! a relation by
marriage" E
The minister sought to improve the
ime by giving Bobby lesson in
morality. MY boy" he said. Il have
Ived forty-five years. and have never
Ised tobacco in any form, nor told a