Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1904-08-26

JUDGE fine you $40. Prisoner
Don't you give any discount to regular
customers?-Town Topics.
Anything new about the war?'' IAN
unofficial dispatch has just been con-
firmed. Chicago Record-Herald.
First Moth-Have you anything on
hand tonight? Second Moth-Yes, I'm
invited to a camphor ball.-Philadel-
phia Record.
She-My face is my fortune. He 40,
yet ardent)-And let me assure you,
my dear, you have spent none of it
New Yorker.
Mother-Have you taken your cold
bath yet, Willie? Willie-There wasn't
any cold water warm enough.-Chica-
go Daily News.
care you still making visits to your
dentist?" mo" "How's that?" "Oh,
nothing; only ran out of teeth" DE
troit Free Press.
Bjinks-Time runs on, eh? Now
what makes Time run on? Bjinks-
The spur Of the moment, 1 s'pose.-
Houston Chronicle.
Benson-Bought a sawmill, eh?
What are you going to do with it?
Jenson-Bring out a new breakfast
food.-Town Topics.
"He's what 1 call a budding gen.
ius.'" "Who? Bragg?" Eyes, like all
budding things, he's inclined to blow"
Philadelphia Press.
Johnny-Pa, what is diplomat? Pa
We'll, son, it's man who can stretch
hands across the sea without putting
his foot in 1t, too.-Exchange.
What's he going to call it?' "Por-
trait Of a lady" But it doesn't look
like her at allv' 'Then he might call
it portrait of another lady Life.
'They have called two doctors in for
consultation" "And do the doctors
agree?" II believe they have agreed
upon the price"-Philadelph Ledger.
did you ever take a chance in Wall
street," NO." answered Mr.. Ardluc;
II put up my money several times. But
never got chance" Washington
Star.
Young Author-When I write far
into the night find great difficulty in
getting to sleep. Friend-Why don't
you read over what you have written?
Princeton Tiger.
Mamma" said little Elsie, 1--WE have
to be very saving, don't we?" Eyes,
dear" But was just thinking, sup
pose we 'conomize on cod-liver oil!'-
Philadelphia Press.
Friend-What are you going to do
with all those presents? You have no
family. Smart-Going to send 'em to
my friends in st. Louis. I'm going to
the positfon.-Exchange.
"And do you think" he asked, that
men progress after death?' "Wen."
she replied, 'if they don't it would al
most seem useless for some of them to
die. e."-Chicago Record-Herald.
Brown-Don't get gay, or I'll be
forced to pound little sense into your
head. Green-Huh! 1t would take a
dozen men like you to pound any sense
into my head.-Chicago News.
whats wit, anyway" "Well. a
idea that wit is the knack of making
one person uncomfortable in the pres
ence of others. Chicago Post.
.Teacher-So I've caught you chew
ing gum, have I? Sammy-No, mum;
1 wasn't chewin'. was jest keepin'
it there instead of in my pocket. It's
30 sticky.-Chicago Daily News.
"What can 1 do for my little boy?"
asked mamma, $50 that he won't have
to eat between meals?" "Have the
meals ticker together" replied the
greedy young man.-GlasgoW Evening
Times.
Major INDIGNANTLY do you
mean, sentinel, by sleeping at your
post? If the enemy should appear you
would be lost. Sentinel-DOn't worry,
major. 1 haven't an enemy in the
whole city.-Fliegende Batter.
care there clubs for women in this
town?" asked the suffragist from the
East. "Certainly not" replied the gal
lduI w eStSIucI, VIC Sdh WILL
en- without clubs. s."-Chicago Evening
Post.
She Cbored)-No, Mr.. Lytely, 1 can
never love you. l honor and respect
you. 1 am sure you would make some
other woman a good husband. =
e-Well-er-give me a letter of rec
to my next place.-Tit-
Bits.
Eddie-Aren't you sorry that you are
an only child? Freddie-Oh, no; don't
mind it, but it's tough on pa. Eddie
How SO? Freddie-Well, you see, I'm
getting too big for him to have to
take me to the circus, and there aren't
any younger kids in the family for him
to fall back on.-Brooklyn Life.
"You have been fighting again. Tom
myr' 81 couldn't help it, mamma.
That Stapleford boy sassed me. That
was no reason for fighting. You should
have remembered that a soft answer
turneth away wrath and given him a
soft answer" Il did. l hit him with
q chunk O. mud" Chicago Tribune.