Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1904-02-26
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did you ever engage In an auto
mobile race" "Yes, once" "How
did you come out p "On crutches two
months later"
She-I just know you don't love me
as you did. He-But, darling, how can
you think that? Because you are not
half so foolish as you were."-Life.
Not in His Line: Employer
don't seem to be able to do anything.
New Clerk-Well, always had po-
litical job until I struck this one
Judge.
Benedict-Milton's wife left him,
didn't she? Bachelor-That's the
story. .Did he write anything after
that event?' "Oh, yes-'Paradise Re-
gainedr"
| He-I think the bride was wonder
fully lucky in receiving so many beau
tiful wedding presents. She-Oh, she
always was lucky in that respect
Brooklyn Life.
| Casey-There's throuble over at
Clancy's. Costigan-Phwat is ut?
Casey-A family foight. Costigan-
Shure, that's not throuble, that's enjye-
ment-Tit-B
| Little Willie-What is the difference
between character and reputation, pa?
Pa-Character is a luxury, my son,
while reputation is a necessity.-Chi
cago Daily News.
The Brute-What are you thinking
of, Mamie? Mamie-I am dreaming
of my youth The Brute-I thought
you had a faraway look in your eyes.
Princeton Tiger.
PA, what is a model man?" "a
| model man, my. son, is generally a
very small sample copy, or facsimile,
of a real man, and is usually made Of
putty. Set.
! Cope-I hear your boss expects to
raise your salary this month? Hope
So he says. But he hasn't succeeded
| in raising all of last months yet--
Philadelphia Ledger.
Accounted For: How did you get
your black eye Sambo?'' "Well, boss,
yer see was out a-lookin' fer trouble,
and dis ere eye was de fust t. find it."
I-Yonkers Statesman.
"Is your daughter happily married,
Mrs. Ashleigh?" "Oh, yes! She and
her husband are both devoted to their
clubs, and often don't see each other
| for two weeks at time!
"What makes you think she has a
saving sense of humor?' Because
she laughed so heartily when she de-
scribed the way you proposed to her
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
First Author-How many copies of
your book have been sold? Second
Author-I don't know. 1 haven't seen
anything about the sales except the
publishers afidavit.-Life.
"I asked her if she would scream for
her mother if 1 kissed her." What
did she say?" "She said her mother
was fully capable Of doing her own
screaming Post.
Then you have no sympathy for the
deserving poor" said the charity
worker. "Me?" retorted the self-made
man; "why, sir, 1 have nothing but
pathy."-Chicago Daily News.
Deledia-Phat are yez doin', takin'
the lock off the cupboard dure, Pat?
Are yez chrazy? Pat-No, darlint; tn
dochtor tould me to-day that I must
quit boltin' me food-and I'm goin' to
obey insthrustions!
"Yes. I'll give you a meal of vic
tuals if you'll shovel off these side
walks" would you not prefer, mad
am, to have me shovel off the snow?"
"Poor fellow! Have you tramped all
the way from Boston?'- Chicago Trib
une.
Sandy-Why are yer runnin' so fast,
pard? Cinders-Dere's a lynchin' mob
behind me. Sandy-Dey don't want to
lynch yer, do dey? Cinders-No, but
dey want dis clothesline I'm wearin'
as ,suspenders fer der rope.-Chicago
News.
"What's all this fuss about| asked
the policeman, stepping between the
two young men. The one that had got
the worst of it and was wiping the
blood from his nose pointed to the 9TH
er fellow. HE can tell you her name
IL he wants to-" he said. Il won't."-l
Chicago Tribune. =
They had been discussing the baby's
ears, eyes and nose. "And 1 think it's
got it's fathers hair" said the joyful
young mother. "Oh, is that who's got
It? I noticed it was missing" And
as the tall girl with the suave man.
ner said this, the mother looked du-
biously at her.-Judge-
"Oh, yes, I've opened an Office" said
the young lawyer; you may remember
that you saw me buying an alarm
clock the other day" Yes" replied
his friend; you have to get up early
these mornings, eh?" ''Oh, no. 1 use
it to wake me up, when it's time to |
90 e."-Philadelphia Press.
Such Is Fame.-"Mr. Henpecque, let
me introduce you to the Count de
Dieppe." "Ah, eet eez ze honor to meet |