davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Clarke courier. [volume] (Berryville, Va.) 1869-1997, 1904-02-24
sCHOOLBOY PLUMBERS.
Amusing siistakcs In Examination
Papers by British PUPILS.

Amusing ,itstakcs In Examination
Papers by british Pupils.
The following list Of amusing mis-
takes made Ky British schoolboys In
their examination papers is cufGpiised
by the University Correspondents:
Iron is grown in large quantities for
manufacturing purposes in :. France.
The sun never sets Oh British posses
sions because the sun sets I'm the west.
and our colonies are in the north. south
and east
The diminuuve OF man is mankind
Question: Define the first person
Answer: Adam.
Blood consists Of two sorts OF cork
screws-red corkscrews and white cork
screws.
Asked TO explain what a buttress is.
one boy replied. ~ woman who makes
butter" and another. "A female butch
err"
Teachers dictation: His choler rose
10 such n height that passion we'll nigh
choked him. Pupils reproduction: His
collar rose TO such a height that fash
ion well nigh choked him"
A Jobs comforter is n thing YOU give
babies 20 soothc them.
skyscraper is an overturned hat.
Political economy is the science which
teaches us 20 get the greatest benefit
with the least possible amount OF hon.
est labor.
An emolument is soothing medi-
cine.
In the United States people are put
10 death by elocution.
Gravity was discovered 10y Izaak
Walton. 1t is chiefly noticeable in the
autumn. when the apples are falling
from the trees.
Clarke courier. [volume] (Berryville, Va.) 1869-1997, 1904-02-24
PlCKlNGS FROM FICTION.

woman knows woman, no matter
how different they've been raised
The Substitute"
l hold there is but one irremediable
evil in life. that Of growing tired OF
oneself.-"The CarisSima."
JUICE the future hi the past. but when
You hav past you amt got much fu-
ture.-"Liule IIenry's Slate"
Perhaps il is from oyerwork among
the poor that death has been reduced
10 a shadow.-"The Gray Wig"
l amt what they call a pcssimist,
but l thinks poorly Of most things. It's
safer-"The Adventures Of Harry Re
vel"
Good breeding sums up in its in
stinctive attitude all the efforts man
has made toward pcrfectiOn; aye. and
all that his ancestors have made be-
fore him.-"John Percyfeld"
1t is no use to pretend that hard luck
does not take the manhood ont of
man. When, he has an inferior part in
life TO play. he begins 10 look the part,
and he looks the superior part when he
has that TO play.-"Letters Home"
Clarke courier. [volume] (Berryville, Va.) 1869-1997, 1904-02-24
WHITE HOUSE STABLES.
The First of Them Was Destroyed
by the british Troops.


by the british Troops.
The original White House stable was
located about sixty yards south of the
White House. in which are now the
private grounds of the executive man
sion, and was the first thing destroyed
when the British captured the White
House during the war Of 1872. PreSi-
dents Monroe and Adams kept their
horses at livery stable. and when
General Jackson came To the White
House he had a stable built at point
some distance from the presidential
mansion. This stable was also used for
time 10y President Van Buren,. but
later he boarded HIS horses at livery
stable
President Pierce kept his horses i'm 4
stable which was erected in the White
House grounds M point comparative
ly but short distance from the man
sion itself. When President Buchanan
came 10 the White House ne had the
stable enlarged. AMI IL was AGAIN en-
larged For President Lincoln. who khat
n large number OF horses. President
johnson also made uSe OF this stable
for his horses aud carriages. Up to
Lincoln's time there was no water in
the stable. save The limited supply
obtained from small we'll. and il was
customary To take ,hc White House
horses to the Potomac river. fully half
mile distant. in order that they might
be watered, and frequently the White
House carriages were taken thither 20
be washed.-Outdoor Sport.
Clarke courier. [volume] (Berryville, Va.) 1869-1997, 1904-02-24
A BIusterinr King

OF King George ". Thomas Cree
vey, who lived in the early part Of the
nineteenth century, tells this story:
The king had appointed the bishop
Of Winchester to administer To him the
sacrament on one of the Sundays about
Eastey. The bishop was not punctual
10 his time. and when he arrived the
king, in Il great passion at having been
kept waiting, abused and even swore
at him in the most indecent manner, on
which the bishop very coolly said he
must bc permitted to withdraw, as he
perceived his majesty was not then in
fit state OF mind TO receive the sacra-
ment. and should be ready to attend on
some future day, when he hoped to find
his majesty in better state of prepa-
ration.
Clarke courier. [volume] (Berryville, Va.) 1869-1997, 1904-02-24
saved His Friend.

This little story is told of two Scotch
laddies who. while fishing in strictly
preserved water. for which only one
was provided with permit. were sud
denly confronted by the bailiff. one
of them quickly collected his tackle and
ran his might across the field. the bail
in in quick pursuit. After covering a
large tract of country the angler sat
down completely exhausted and await
ed the painting and enraged pursuer.
do you know that you should not
fish in that water without permission? -
asked the iratc man.
Yes said the lad. but l have per
mission. I've got an order"
what made you run then. you young
scOundrcl?"
"Oh. just to let the other lad away
he hadn't got one"
Clarke courier. [volume] (Berryville, Va.) 1869-1997, 1904-02-24
struck Him UnfnVorahIy.

Mr.. GaSweu. who had come recently
into the possession Of a considerable
fortune. had decided To erect large
office building and was discussing the
plans with an architect.
As To the floors. now" said the ar
chitect Won would want them ia mo.
sale patterns. prc~umct"
Il don't know about that" responded
Mr.. GaSwel- obviously scratching las
jaw. Il HAUNT Sot amy prejudice
against Moses as q man. and hc GER
tainiy knoWVd 81 good deal about law.
but when IL comes To laying hoorS il
Kind q seems to me I'd ruthcr have 'cm
unScctarian-likc. Don't it strike Won
that way
Clarke courier. [volume] (Berryville, Va.) 1869-1997, 1904-02-24

The fondnesS thar some people hav,
Tor contact with noJables is not AL
ways shared 10y the notables Them.
selves IL is told by the late Baron
Iluddle>ton thar DE once tried TO oh.
tain a seat next 10 a duke al the tabI,
note IN hotel where both Were
guests That this proximity To the
great man might Ice brought about the
baron gave The waiter a sovereign. The
servant proved traitor. and. an ex-
PLANTATION being demanded. he con
ieSSed that The duke had given him
TWO SovercisnS not To give the baron
the coveted seat.
Clarke courier. [volume] (Berryville, Va.) 1869-1997, 1904-02-24
CELESTIAL REFRESHMENTS
F"nns Little Resfaarans. n. Al.
Chinese Empir~

Places OF rest and refrcsbmen, .re
.Onimoniy 10 re found I'm China nj the
mailing stations ON the highways In
.ne interior or az the villages on the
banks OF the great rivers OF China
ney frequently take the form OF a
small mud hut having n dark interior
niieu with smoke, tea tables. forms and
an oven. where cook Is kent busv
o"Alns Tea bread and frying puddings
Iof the entertainment OF the customers.
whose favorite beverage IL tea nj.
though when times are good and The
"eather cold they indulge in something
stronger, which often inebriatcs and
'nat nj very cheap rate. In the dark
est corner there are n row OF glazed
earthenware Jars containing Kind of
Ohinese whisky. of which n thirsty
carter may have a skin full for some
thlng considerably under penny
wnen he will 20 quietly 10 sieep ON
Use smart OF his cart. and his pony or
mule. being used To- IL. will take him
home.
IN addition TO these conveniences
there Is an ingenious little furnace in
'front.'. having long flue. through which
the flame is driven by an air pumn-
ana row of hot water kettles. GRADUAL
" increasing in size to suit the heat
OF the tongue of flame that passes up
,he nue. beneath. SO that they may all
De kept boiling. The hot water is sold
20 passersby. who usually carry with
'hem their teapot and tea. so that they
may nave cup at every station. This
custom OF carrying ones own tea is so
common that ii is difficult 10 procure n
cup of tea in any of the restaurants as
they do not keep il and do not care 10
20 out OF their way TO buy II for YOU.
Although the plant may be growing all
round and at ones very feet. II Is next
10 impossible TO get a cup that for
eigner would consider worth drinking
ana as TO using milk and sugar. the
ChineSe look upon the practice rs =
oarDarous device of the foreign devil"
Golden Penny.
Clarke courier. [volume] (Berryville, Va.) 1869-1997, 1904-02-24
vs ReAIlM REPORTING.
u faseises Five Distinct sfnsurtaae-
Gus Mental Operations.


fsycholo'-isfs may find an interesting
fisii l5r Investigation IN the inteIlec-
tua' processes that are involved I'm rap
Ill Shorthand writing. There are at
least hve distinct M ltai operations
carried on continuously during verba-
tim reporting. First. there is the sensa-
ton OF sound received By the ear: sec
ondly. there Is the perception by the
brain OF the word uttered. practically
Simultaneous with the sensation in the
case OF distinct speaker. but often
delayed large fraction OF n second
when a preacher drops his voice" or
witness I'm court has a foreign accent.
In the third place. the stenographer
must analyze the conSonantal structure
or all the less common words I'm the
sentence. all except the stock words
and phrases. which he writes by word
signs by a practically automatic habit.
Fourth these relatively uncommon
words must be put on paper according
TO the principles OF the system employ
Cd. This one opera ton involves many
subordinate and infinitely swift efforts
OF recollection. association and decision.
Fifth. all these mental operations are
carried on while the pen or pencil Is
from two or three words to an entire
sentence behind the spcaker-this. OF
course. i'm rapid speaking thereby com
piicating the situation by compelling
memory 10 keep pace with attention.
In other words. while the scribe Is
writing the predicate OF one sentence
and analyziug an unfamiliar word i'm
the subject OF the next. ne Is at the
same time giving his auditory attention
To the predicate OF the second sentence
then being uttered by the speaker.
This Is Impossible TO an unframed mind
The average educated person cannot re-
tain more than perhaps six or eight
words OF the exact pllra seoIogy OF n
speaker ~ one time. The competent
s'enoGraphor can hold up ten. fifteen.
twenty words or even more I'm bis mem
DRY. while az the same time taxing his
mind by The act Of writing the words
that precedcd.-The World Today.
Clarke courier. [volume] (Berryville, Va.) 1869-1997, 1904-02-24
PARTIAL LIST OF FARMS

on shenandoah ohan
IN ike the
@ lean water arm
good nStm
on erred
nrine uMenne elevated Lombard
Anic
ASs Nice smooth land half
80 AcRE-A desirable small f6room
s2 DEPOT Iarpe stone Mansion l,r,
' 'N"N'"eSo
- loo AEsIhs sS the best desirable small farms in
the county fairy orchard
Ia ARE-Near turnpike WE'LL rhar
on eatsi ieofShe
farm
gwaer
II d and reside
sin the
Il
Clarke courier. [volume] (Berryville, Va.) 1869-1997, 1904-02-24

Here according TO the Warrens-
burg CIo) Journal-Democrat lis the
way Benton county man confessed at
a revival; He had been pressed to re-.
pent and finally got up and said. Dear
friends. l feel the spirit moving I'm me
to talk and tell what bad man | have
been, but can't do. il while the grand
jury is i'm session. The Lord ssiu for
give! shouted the preacher. Il gness
that's right said the penitent. but lac
amt on the grand jury
Clarke courier. [volume] (Berryville, Va.) 1869-1997, 1904-02-24
The Restaurant Free Itu

\ Bostonian was in Washington the
other day ana ia asking how he found
II as compared with other cities he re-
replied; Washington is the one town
nave visited where bread and butter
are on the free list i'm the cafes. don't
know whether they charge for water
or not. as I never drink water away
from home. but they come pretty near
charging man for breathing i'm the
national capital. Talking about things
ON the free list, New York is the only
big city l know Of where a potato +.
furnished at cafe without price. In
San Francisco they throw In a plate of
shrimpS for good measure. I am not
acquainted in Philadelphia. but I sup
pose man ought 10 get several thing.
Tree there In my own dear town YOU
can get all the brown bread YOU ear
eat II You viii buy the beans."-Nev
York Commercial Advertiser.
Clarke courier. [volume] (Berryville, Va.) 1869-1997, 1904-02-24
A Senatorial TIL.

Senator Reagan Of Texas when he
was in the senate was one of the men
who strongly objected TO being inter
rupted. On one occasion Henry w.
Blair. then senator from New Hamp-
shire. tried TO ask Reagan question
during the latter's speech. Il do not
want TO be interrupted" said Reagan.
but will listen to a question"
'It is not exactly a question, but n
statement" said Blair
'Then refuse TO yield" said Rea-
gan.
well, the senator has missed an OPP
portunity of greatly improving his
speech" remarked Blair as he ambled
toward the clOakroom.
Clarke courier. [volume] (Berryville, Va.) 1869-1997, 1904-02-24

My hu~h.ud is 81 poetic" said one
lady 10 another i'm "a car the other day.
Have Xou ever tried rubin his
j'intS With h0rtShorp ln'mcnt. mum:'
interrupted hCefy looking woman
with market basket at her feet. who
was seated at the hdy'S elbow and
overheard the remark. "ThatU straight
en- him out as quick rs anything l know
of, if ne amt sot IL Too bad"
Clarke courier. [volume] (Berryville, Va.) 1869-1997, 1904-02-24

First Comedian know something
awfully funny. Second Comedian
What is it? First Comedian-Why. l
was held up by Il highwayman last
night. But the joke was on him. /
told him there was no use searching
me as my wife had been through my
pockets just five minutes before. See
ond Comedlan-But | don't see that the
Joke was on him. 1t was ON YOU First
Comedian-No, you're wrong. Ii wasn't
on either of us. II was on my wife.
There wasn't any money in my pockets
TO begin with.-Detroit Free Press.
Clarke courier. [volume] (Berryville, Va.) 1869-1997, 1904-02-24
Mexican Rnin.

Mexico has many ancient ruins. par
ucuarly I'm the states of Oaxaca. CHA
pas. Nucatan and Norelia Those II
Militia. in OaNaca; Palenqua. i'm CHA
pas; CNmaL i'm Yucatan. and Nochi-
milco. in Norelia. are among the most
famous and interesting some Of them
represent whole cities and are sup
posed 20 be from two To three thousand
years old. They all show the most
elaborate carvings. which closely r.
Semhle the Egyptian hieroglyphicS.
Clarke courier. [volume] (Berryville, Va.) 1869-1997, 1904-02-24
Sure OF n Fine Funeral.

larry" said a merchant 10 4 sturdy
lrishman in his employ. are you saw
ing any OF your money!"
"Indade ! ann. sor." replied Larry.
I've got 500 hid away in a safe
place"
But it isn't a public spirited policy
to hoard money away" remarked the
merchant. thinking 10 quiz him. You
ought TO deposit it in Il good bank. 50
as 10 keep it in circulation"
Sure it'll all 40 into cirkylaion the
second day afther I'm dead, sor." said
Larry proudly. Youths Companion.
Clarke courier. [volume] (Berryville, Va.) 1869-1997, 1904-02-24

1t used to be that the quality of
Job Printing did not amount %
much, so far as success in business
was concerned. Any business man
or woman could get along fairly well
without it. But We live in another
and altogether different era.
Today 1t is necessary for business
people to have neat stationery if thev
intend to occupy a prominent place
among their competitors.
When you see a piece Of Job print
ing crowded and the type jammed
too close together, with dirty-looking
ink and finger marks smeared over
it, on a low grade of paper. it doesn't
speak we'll for the firm which uses it.
ln fact, YOU don't have the same
opinion of that place as you have of
the man whose stationery is clearly
printed with good ink or the best
grade Of paper.
The quality of stationery reflects
the standiog of ones business. 1t is
therefore duty YOU owe to yourself
to have good printing.
Clarke courier. [volume] (Berryville, Va.) 1869-1997, 1904-02-24
ue NNnnIh n Inc,

Huh" grumbled Mr.. Skinnay. who
was being uncomfortably crowded by
the jolly looking fat man in The troll
ley car. these cars should charge by
weight
Think SOP replied the fat man.
Then they wouldn't think il worth
while 10 stop for YOU. Philadelphia
Ledger.
Clarke courier. [volume] (Berryville, Va.) 1869-1997, 1904-02-24

certain professor iS very absent
minded man. lie was husiy engaged
in solving some scientific problem. The
servant hastily opened the door of his
studio and announced Il great family
event.
"A little stranger has arrived"
"Eh?"
1T is a little boy"
Little boy. Well. ask him what he
wants. london Standard.
Clarke courier. [volume] (Berryville, Va.) 1869-1997, 1904-02-24
THE COURIER

The Coz TER, as You are aware. i.
the only newspaper in Clarke county.
There Is no need of another, becans 81
this Journal covers the local field so
completely and promptly with uniyer.
sal satisfaction, that it has long since
been recognized AS permanent in
stitution.
We are endeavoring to get the
COURIER into every Clarke county
home, and our efforts are meeting
with great deal of success.
1t Will cost just ONE DOLLAR
to have the COURIER mailed TO YOUR
address for whole year. You Will
then get all of the county news.
Send for a free sample copy.
Clarke courier. [volume] (Berryville, Va.) 1869-1997, 1904-02-24
Parental soIicitude.

The Mother-Don't you think the ba-
by had better go to kindergarten. dear?
Father-Isn't he too young? The Moth
er-Yes. But he never sees either of
us long enough to learn how TO talk.
And don't you think he ought to know
how ?-TOwn Topics.
Clarke courier. [volume] (Berryville, Va.) 1869-1997, 1904-02-24

"They tell me" said the junior part
ner. that the man 10 whom we hive
been sending ~ many bills belongs to
rather fast set"
We'll" answered the senior partner.
he may belong to the fast set. hut he's
slow settler Exchange.
Clarke courier. [volume] (Berryville, Va.) 1869-1997, 1904-02-24
We'll Posted

Niblick-Solomon was wise man.
He knew all that there was to know.
Foozle-Naturally a man with his ex-
tenSiVe assortment Of wives must have
heard all that was going on.-Boston
Transcript.
Clarke courier. [volume] (Berryville, Va.) 1869-1997, 1904-02-24

May-Last night was the happiest in
my life II brought me one round of
pleasure. Fay-What do you consider
zone round of pleasure?" May--An en-
gagement ring.-Philadelphi Press
Clarke courier. [volume] (Berryville, Va.) 1869-1997, 1904-02-24

Once actor meant a person who could
act Now il means an appearance on
the stage.-Baltimore News.
Clarke courier. [volume] (Berryville, Va.) 1869-1997, 1904-02-24
One ADVANTAGE

Knicker-Do You believe in college
education: Bocker-YeS. Ii teaches a
boys father how To take care Of his
mOney.-I.ifr.
Clarke courier. [volume] (Berryville, Va.) 1869-1997, 1904-02-24

Poets Little Boy Why do YOU call
them Fugitive Poems" papa? Poet
Because when begin TO read them M,
listeners generally flee.-Chicago Rec
ord Herald.
Clarke courier. [volume] (Berryville, Va.) 1869-1997, 1904-02-24

DIRECTORY
OR THE-
TOWN AND COUNTY
CIRCUIT COURT.
HoN. T w HAERi.ou. Judge
Wipchester. Va
Meets Fourth Monday I'm January. March
May. July septcmhcr ana Novcrnbc-.
BOARD OF SUPERVISORS
Battle Town. FL. Barnett Chairman
Chapel Distr.ct-J. Ralph Gr,-shv
0reenway Dis,rict-Jacob Carver
Longmarsh-C. T. Harde~tv.
JouN VI. Grnsov.
Clerk of the Circuit Court
SANrEl McCoR,u,x.
Deputy Circuit and County Court Clert
". +. LEWIS.
Attorney for the Commonwealth
JosEru GRrrrrrr
''''''''S''"er OF Internal Revenue.
r-.... " ~ "k'pF"Eh
.,''0e county Berryviiie. Va.
D.,...... r. " II. GARTER
-''' oi clarke County. Berry
''-e' Va
.....-.. ZION ''NRNo kowNsLAR,
i'''''e"dent of Public schools. Berry
'''e. a.
o. D.. s. HhEuls.
County surveyor. Bowie. 4,
VI "a
SHIN We N'''iL"oon
oheit of Clarke County. Ber-y,frf.. v,1
rr.-r. II r..
per,.-,- -l..-..,
-..i 'aller ot Clarke County.
Eer-vvilIc. Va.
No.. d. 1'-NN'
Clarke courier. [volume] (Berryville, Va.) 1869-1997, 1904-02-24
Sour
StOm aCh

No appetite, loss OF strength. nervous
ness. headache, constipation. bad breath.
general debility. sour risings. and catarrh Of
the stomach are Al due 10 Indigestion. Kodol
cures ln1lgeSuoa. This new discovery repre-
Senis the natural juices Of digestion as they
exist in healthy stomach. combined With
tne greatest known tonic and reconstruosive
properties. Nocol Dyspepsia Cure does not
oniy cure Indigestion and dyspepsia. but this
famous remedy cures al stomach troubles
oy cleansing. purifying. swee,ening and
strengthening the mucous membranes lining
the stomach.
Mr.. S. s. Bal. q RavsnsUood. W. Va avs
. vas troubled with sour stomach Tor twenty wear.
for baby" " " '''-
kodol Digests What You Eat.
Bottles only. SI.oo Size hols,g ~ trn..th, ,v,,l
$40. which sells for 80 cents.
Prepared by E. o. Dewitt & CO., CHICAGO
J. c. AVIS
Clarke courier. [volume] (Berryville, Va.) 1869-1997, 1904-02-24

Bryant'S "ThanatopSis" is based up
on n passage from Horace.
Clarke courier. [volume] (Berryville, Va.) 1869-1997, 1904-02-24
Our Job
Department

Is fully equipped with modern type
and all other supplies with which to
execute printing which will please
the people and their purse.
Let US make estimates for YOUR
next order of SOME Of the following:
Letter Heads.
Note Heads
Bill Heads.
Statements
Envelopes
Receipt Blanks
Contract Blanks.
Le0al Blanks.
Circulars.
Sale Bills.
Tickets.
Cards.
Tags. Etc.
Responder, that good printing
brings business, mat it is the only
kind we do, that our prices are right.
and that We never disappoint.
Clarke courier. [volume] (Berryville, Va.) 1869-1997, 1904-02-24
To Land Buyers.

@ na. Of courtesy that after have introduced
you VIII close the through be
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1904-07-20
BOOKS DO NOT AGREE.
Elks' Grand Officers Accounts Mixed
Charges Of Extravaganza.

A dispatch from Cincinnati last night
says:
While the eighteenth annual reunion of
the Benevolent and Protective Order of
EIks has been in progress all this week. the
fortieth meeting of the Grand Lodge did
not begin until today. when morning. after
noon and night sessions were held.
The first ballot for grand exalted ruler
resulted as follows: w. ]. O'Brien, jr-. or
Baltimore, 10: Samuel H. Needs of Cleve-
land, 379; majority for O'Brien. S31. So
much time was occupied in seconding
speeches for O'Brien that limitation was
put on them. Nominating speeches We're
made then for candidates for other offices,
and a recess was taken from I o clock until
Q o'clock for the purpose of having all OF
the nominations printed on an Australian
ballot and avoid the tedious counting of
100 votes for each office which was done
for grand exalted ruler.
At tonight's session the selection of the
place for the Grand Lodge and reunion next
year was made the special order for pm
tomorrow, to which the Grand Lodge ad-
journed on account of the parade during
the forenoon tomorrow. The contest be-
tween Buffalo, Saratoga, Dallas and other
cities is quite animated. The following Off
GERS were elected at tonight's session:
Grand esteemed royal knight F. c. Tom
linson of Winston. n. c.; grand esteemed
lecturing knight. Charles w. Kaufman of
Hoboken. n. j.. grand tiler, w. w. McClel
Ian of Pittsburg, Pa: grand treasurer, J.
X. Tener of Charleroi. Pa: grand esteemed
leading knight, r. j. Woods of Sioux Falls.
S. D.
While the delegates were engaged in the
continuous sessions today there was much
agitation among the visiting Elks over the
exposures in the annual report about the
alleged extravaganza in the expenses of
certain general officers and the discrepan-
cies between the different reports. The sec
rotary reported the expenditures of the
grand exalted ruler as s.. 704, and the treas
urer's report of the same was $8.S5S. The
grand secretary reported his own expenses
for the year as 6.503. and the treasurer's
Treasurer Needs reported his own expenses
as $414 while the secretary records the ex-
penses of Needs only 81. 1t Is ex-
planned that these discrepancies are due to
the incomplete condition of the records in
the ONCE Of Grand Secretary Reinolds