The semi-weekly messenger. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1897-1908, 1904-07-05

ON1 oE 1dE GLET a
Of them before he could be qufeted.
He was hauled up before Squar War
ner for disturbing the peace, and the
squar, who had known him for thirty
years, said:
"JabeZ, l can't make it out. You are
one of the peacefulest men around
here, and nobody ever saw you drunk,
but o must have taken a swig or
two to make you act as you did. I'm
going to let you go, but my advice to
ia future"
"Squar, it was hard cider-nothing
but hard cider" explained Jabez. Il
took Il drink of hard cider two years
old, and it made me lose my head"
JabeZ was turned loose and went
home. but that was not the end of the
affair. Jericho has always been a head
center for hard cider. and people i'm
mediately began to take sidGs. Some
contenGed that no man could drink
enough Of the stU;f TO make him BODY.
and others affirmed that hard c:d"r
was worse OF t." brain than cid rye.
AS JaEcz was Il church member. The
brethren had to take m Ills iaDse from
grace. AMI nothing else wa; talked OF
for two weeks. Then. ut tn" Instance
of Deacon Spooner. who had been
drinking hard cider for t~eaty-eight
years and never STUDIED his toe over il.
a committee of six vas appointed 10
investigate and report. they drove
out to Stebbins' place. and he drew Il
pail of cider and took them out to the
barn.
"G~entiancn," began Elder Soooae:
as he tcycd will the cup. we hay"
met here 20 settle the question rs ~
whether hard cider into":ca.'> or no
Deacon Thomas. Goodwill Jones am
myself are agin the idea. Deacon
Hope. Benjamin Schnmcrh0rn az!
Saul Johnson are for it. Our fried
Jabez Steb5ins, who pushed an Gle
plant into the fence and licked three
circus men. claims that it was the re
suit Of drinking q quart of this cider
just before he started for town. It's
my opinion that it was a case of sun
stroke. We will now imbibe and note
the results"
The elder led off with about a pint
and Smacked his lips and passed the
cup. Then there was a wait of fifteen
minutes to watch for results. They
didn't pan u much. Elder Spooner
got a little playful and threw Good
will Jones on his back, and Saul John
son turned the handle Of an Old fan
ming mill so fast as to shake the whole
thing down, but these things were not
recorded.
Gentlemen" says Elder Spooner,
while I know there's nothing in it, I'm
for giving it a thorough test. We will
drink another pint apiece and watch
for symptoms"
The pail was emptied, and Jabez re
filled it. He wasn't in on the drinks,
but his face wore a grin after that
second drink had been taken. "Symp-
toms" soon developed. Deacon Hope,
who had been carrying a bland coun-
tenance, suddenly sobered up and
turned to Deacon Thomas and said:
Deacon. durn your hide, but 1 be
neve you'd hide stones in q load OF
hay"
whats that?' shouted Deacon
Thomas. "Say. you old hog s~tealer,
don't you 60 to talking about me. or
I'll knock your head tf."
Peace was made between the two
men, but a moment later Goodwill
Jones brought Benjamin Schemer,
horn a mighty slap between the shout
ders and cried out:
How is it old man-do you lick
your wife as often as you used to-?
81 never licked her"
you are a liar"
"Lemme get at him."
There were two or three other out
breaks, but by and by the dove Of peact
came, and all cried on n another:
shoulders. Then Elder Spooner step
ped up to the cider pail for the thirt
| time and huskily said:
ladies and gem'ien, we have me