davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Cairo bulletin., 1904-07-22
coRRscTs HIS OWN OBITUARY.
Wyoming Miner Gives an Example Of
American Humor.

Lance Thaekeray and Tom Browne,
the English illustrators. dined last
month with Richard Garfield In New
York
The young men said that they were
anxious to obtain specimens OF char
acteristic Yankee humor, as they
hoped to write a funny book about
America on their return home.
Well" said Mr. Garfield, 'the only
item | can give you for your book is
a letter that a friend of mine in An.
aconda wrote to newspaper. Ana
conda is a Western town, and my
friend is a miner there. His letter
contradicted an obituary about him
self that the newspaper had printed,
Ii ran like this;
Slr--I desire to call your atten-
ton TO a few errors IN your obituary
OF myself OF Wednesday last. was
born in Washington, not In Wheeling
and my retirement from the flour and
feed business in 96 was not due to
nl-health. but to hard times. The
cause Of my death was not pneu-
mcnia."
The Cairo bulletin., 1904-07-22
The Convict.

To think 81 the old free days.
Under the glad blue sky.
And thu foods Of gclden SUNLIGHT
That slipped unheaded bv-
While T. ike blinded bat or mole
Would choose the shade o. wall
And n0w-uh. Goii FOR ore hour fo lie
Where the blessed suaheams fail
dreem Of The far din f.Is.
The meadows lush and green.
The trees and birds and She suri-c
brooks
But mezt u III 11elm
ct the glow uE Tiariors rTrIrLt
So Garm j rir4rllt e.
While not me rer in cheHf 1u1 rie7-
slants Gown thrrusa lh-= uolsolle afr
7 dream Of the heavenly warmth.
The Eight eud ilfr ard cteer.
Ard curse the evil in mY z0ui
Tho sin thst hr3rErt NJ here.
trd II God i- tis i-rEfe love
H7N N'r-
1f be- ue-
To rsFf -Ha.tH DEE lezs
-Irere PameI0y slia,L 3 ne Cen
ter. M-.h
The Cairo bulletin., 1904-07-22
MOT CT A SUPREME JUSTICE.
His Clever Reply TO > Hostess Of Veg
ctarl2n Prociivitle2.


Speaking 81 toads With Incidental
reference to other saiatorj animal
life reea.ia 4 mot aurihutca % one
OF the justices Of the supsme court
which has been giving the Washing
ton gossips a good deal Of an.use-
meat OF late. He was d. ing the
other evening With the family of a
distinguished cNsar atcr who ars
aoted for y ar eytrsvagant advoclc
of the veeegafian diet
Oyc- tie Galtcacies Of the table.
Which irc!aled pgetty nearly every
form Of eeille flaat life suited to the
season. conversation turned upon the
famil.ar ihopc. and the Hostess. after
trying h paia 10 c0-var, her beef
reared cues. By areamon; based on
the chemical constituents OF various
food, pleaded
But surely. Mr. Justice you must
admit that yegotarianism means
strength ANA agility, when you re,
member that the rabbit, which feeds
wholly on vegetables, can make such
- cat itaIf7 tLE buAR N44t an tittH INV
ing place to hiding place"
True, madam, answered the iurist
grayely but we must also remember
chat the lGinete creature for which
naturaIists claim tho ability to jump
more tines It's owa length than any
other belongs in the class of pure
carnivora. New York Evening Post
The Cairo bulletin., 1904-07-22
WHAT WILL BE THE DOMINANT
ISSUE2"

The selection Of Mr.. Cortelyou e.
manage the Republican national cam
ign has naturally created much dis
'ussion among the politicians as to
he managerial ability and political
1stuteness Of the former secretary 10
President Mckinley Is he equal to
the task? Can he fill The shoes Of
the late Senator Hanna?
To these questions the answer has
been made that Cortelyou has made
I success Of everything he has I'M
iertaken. He has done everything he
has tried TO do AMI has done il well.
As Mr. Cortely u was the Presidents
uersOnal choice for chairman Of the
national committee the answer was
accepted as satis factory for the tire
being AMI the politicians awaited fur
Their developments.
And they didn't have long 10 wait
Being a man of metholical habits.
trained in positions Of clerical respon-
sibility. The first queries that came e.
his mind were: What is it all about.
anyway? What is the dominant is
sue Of the campaign. Is Il Roosevelt
or imperialism. or sound money.
or the trusts?
And a very sensible and proper
course il is-tO find out first what the
row is about Mr. CortelyOu. it must
be remembered. is not alone in his
curiosity to knox what is to be the
paramount issue Many others have
asked the same question
But IL Is the business Of Mr.. Cor
tslyou as the campaign manager TO
find out Speeches must be written
for the spellbin1ers and literature
must be prepared for distribution
among the voters. How can this be
done unless Mr.. Corfelyou ascertains
what is 20 be the paramount issue?
Accordingly he addresses letters Of
inquiry TO ehairmen Of campaign com
mit1ees in various parts Of the com
The Cairo bulletin., 1904-07-22

There never was a time when the
Democratic party was more harmoni
Gus than it is just at present. There
are no wings" and there is perfect
peace in all directions There are no
quarrels pending or impending and no
iealousies to be adjusted and no
heart-hurnngs % be cured. Most of
the irritation that exists Is in the en-.
ltorals Of Republican newspapers
ana the hopes of Republican leaders,
who are greatly disappointed to find
that Tillman carries something be-
sides a pitch fork.
The Cairo bulletin., 1904-07-22
NOT QUITE UP TO NEW YORK
New England Village, Nevertheless,
Pleased One Resident.

A gentleman who had occasion to
go TO an inland New England village
ten miles from a railway, was met at
the station by an old fellow who look.
ed as II he might have just awakened
after a Rip Van Wrinkle sleep. His
horse and buggy we're in keeping with
their owners ancient appearance.
Here we air at last. said the driver,
when they finally came to three
houses and a blacksmith shop.
This isn't much Of a place. is it,"
said the depressed stranger, looking
around.
"Oh. you don't see all o. it from
here" was the reply. "Thar's two
more houses over behind that hill
thar. an a cooper shop jest around
that bend in the road thar. Come
to bunch EN- all together an it's CON
sid'able O. a place-but. of course. it
amt New York"
The Cairo bulletin., 1904-07-22
HE WAS AGAINST THE BILL.
legislators UnIucky Mistake ri
vulqed Guarded Secret.


vuleed Guarded Secret.
Dr. Luttrell OF Washington tells this
story of Isaac Williams, generally
called "Slick" Williams, who was
elected TO the Tennessee legislature
several years ago. The newly elected
member could not read or write, at.
though he was an exceedingly shrewd
business man and had obtaiHed an
enyiable local reputation for success.
which had eliminated in his newly ac-
quired honor
On arriving at Nashville for the
FIST time MIR. Williams happened to
catch sight OF several OF his fellow
legislators. whom he had met at va
rious times during the political cam
palgn sitting round table in what
he thought >wgs the legislative hall.
but which was really RESTAURANT He
sat down with them, and the waiter
brought the bill of fare. The old gen
tleman looked at ii carefully for sev
eral minutes, not wishing the others
10 know that he couldn't read, and
hen slapped his hand on the table
and shouted;
"Pll never give my sanction to this
bill as long as liye."
The Cairo bulletin., 1904-07-22

The many and recent marine disas
ters has had one good effect in Great
ing a movement III favor Of teaching
ing children to swim. In Chicago
the school board is to consider the or
ganization of swimming classes in ev-
cry public school In New York it
has been the custom for some years
to asSgn swimming instructors TO
the public bathing places There is
no question that many lives are lost
unnecessarily owing to lock Of knowt
edge Of this accomplishment which in
against drowning is form of exer-
else most beneficial TO The human
body
The Cairo bulletin., 1904-07-22
SHEARS AND PASTE.

o, mother take the pen away,
cannot write the rhymesky
Ny mindoyitch is dull today,
I'll try some other timesky.
know the jokes about the war
Should all be ratified offski
In meter made Of snee2es, or
In measures like coughski
The chances are | might collect
Some verse ia manner easy
If bnt | knew the dialect
That ripples 1apancsey.
Blu; as 1t is simply toy
With penoyitch ana inksi
And nos a bitoyitch of joy
Comes TO ne as | thinkski.
I've tried to write iinge on
The movement of each troopskii
But all my fancies fair have gone
To whoopng cough and croupski.
o, Shermanoffski had it right
His thoughts on war We're trueski
And il is proper to indite:
War poetry is tooski.
Baltimore American
The Cairo bulletin., 1904-07-22

The new 100000 hotel on Fifth
avenue, New York, built by the Aston
family and called the ST. Regis, wants
a bar room very badly indeed, but as
the front door Is whiting 900 feet Of
Presbyterian church. IL has been
closed and a side entrance viii be
utilized This il the holel which viii
not print The prices Of dishes served
on the menu, but will charge accord,
ing to fancy and the length of the
patrons purse
The Cairo bulletin., 1904-07-22

The weather is beautiful and pleas.
ant During the early morning IL was
quite cool. the thermometer standing
at 20 degrees. At this time last year
men were falling down in the stree,
overcome by heat. the Thermometer
ranging from 100 degrees TO 10 de
grees in the day time and as high rs
i91 degrees ar midnight The con
trast is most extraordinary
The Cairo bulletin., 1904-07-22
Foreot the On aasy.

A short time ago panic ceremony
was to be carried out az LandsEut an
important town in lower Bavaria a
new public school was to be formally
opened, ard all Landshut aaiverad
with pleasurablc anticipation. Unfcr-
tunately the festivities had to be put
of at the last moment. The school
could not be opened. No scholar could
take his seat upon the hrand-new
forms. Tie land was in the grip Of
winter, and the architect had forgot,
ten to provide single chimney
Throughout the building.
The Cairo bulletin., 1904-07-22
Topeka,s eeonrarhIeaI pesItIon.

The capital city OF Kansas occupies
q peculiar place in American geogra'
ply. The TWO legs OF a compass APP
piled TO map Of the United States
viii show how nearly central is its
position. Topeka is as far from Qnoa-
dy Head. at the extreme northeastern
corner Of the Union. as it is from the
strait Of Juan de Fuca. at the extrem.
northwest The distance is the SINE
from Topeka to the southernmost iii
Of Florida as from Topeka to San
Diego, Cal. On the north and south
line Topeka is just half way betwee9
the Canadian border ana the coast Of
The Gulf u Mexico. New York Sun
The Cairo bulletin., 1904-07-22

try as 10 what they regard al the dom.
inant Issue In the campaign, II may
develop that the dominant issue"
will not be the same in all sections Of
the Union. Local conditions may de-
termine the dominant issues" And
in these times, when the two parties
are agreed that we are On gold stan
dard, that the claws OF the trusts
must be clipped. that the tariff must
be revised some time, ana that the
Panama Canal must be dug. the result
or Mr.. Cortelyou's inquiry viii be a
matter of great public interest Chi
Cago Record Herald
The Cairo bulletin., 1904-07-22
OFFICIAL DIRECTORY
Cairo, Alexander County Illinois, Pop.
uiation 16,f47.

Mayor, CLAUDE WINTER.
Clerk, h. A. HATCHER.
Comptroller. p e. Powell
Police Magistrate, j. Fl. ROBINSON
Chief of Police, r. B. PRICE.
Alexander County, Population 22,e65.
County Judge. VIM. S. DEWEY.
County Clerk. JESSE e. MILLER.
Circuit Clerk, LEE B. DAVIS.
Sheriff, JAS. s. ROCHE.
Coroner, DR.. JAS. NJ. McMANUS.
Assessor and Treasurer, FRANK n.
Board Of County Commissioners.
JOHN A. MILLER. Chairman.
JOHN A. BOURGEOIS,
DR.. Edwin j. Cause.
The Cairo bulletin., 1904-07-22
THE Kita OF SPORTS.
Balloon Voyagrg Recommended "a
Ahsaa cf Everything.

NHSA1 81 EsSFItain9.
There IS Z variety Of sensations. to
which one never quite accustoms him
self, that makes of hallooniag the king
of sports. There is al exniiaraticn in
automobiling over the smooth, pictur-
esque roads Of the continent at six.y
on seventy miles an hour One looks
at the trees. that line the roadway.
and, facing almost cyclone, notices
that every leaf on quiet day Is mo-
tlonless. The speed. which is main
tanned hour after hour and not re-
leased in descending hills. is mugniii-
cent, and the sensation Inspiring. But
to those who think that this Is the
limit OF human sensation can recon-
mend Is better and safer voyage
in balloon over the Alps 'fhc
Worlds Work.
The Cairo bulletin., 1904-07-22

The Republican press is emphasiz-
Is the fact that Senator Davis is able
vsign checks promptly. 1t is equally
yhe that he is just as well qualified
b promptly check signs of a Roosevelt
bajority in his home state. West Vir-
mia.
The Cairo bulletin., 1904-07-22
Month Of June.

The above is a correct statement OF
the circulation of The Cairo Bulletin.
Daily and Sunday. on the dates stated
month of June. 1904.
A. j. BENEDIC.
circulation Manager.
Subscribed and sworn TO before me
this first day Of July. 1904
IScal.I T. L. GILBERT,
Notary Public.
The Cairo bulletin., 1904-07-22

hen yanlt door of the treasury de-
rfment got caught one day last
|ek and the secretary had to send
New York for experts to open il.
wanted to use s125.000,000 that
hing. II is generally much easier
ben that door than to shut 1t.
The Cairo bulletin., 1904-07-22

| Rev. Or. Hills declares that the
Ind of Providence is directing the
hairs OF the American nation. This
why he is regarded at Oyster Bay
y no better than a Democrat
The Cairo bulletin., 1904-07-22

The night policemen have petition
ed the city council TO increase their
salary They set forth. no doubt
truthfully. that $75 per month in scrip
Is not equal 10 a decent support Of
themselves and families.
The Cairo bulletin., 1904-07-22

TheN chilly welcome that the few
newspapers that have bolted Parker
Tor Roosevelt have received from the
Republican party is significant
nough.
The Cairo bulletin., 1904-07-22

ank Davis does not disguise his
sfactlon in being able 10 go and sit
the grave of the school teacher
used to spank him when he went
kchool, This eliminates another is
E from the campaign.
The Cairo bulletin., 1904-07-22

re Choctaw and Chickasaw In
IS are being hoodooed out of $685.,
worth of coal and asphalt land in
Ian territory. The job is in the
IDS of the interior department.
The Cairo bulletin., 1904-07-22

In Belgium there are labor courts
in all the large cities fer the settling
Of disputes between labor unions ana
employers. Last year these courts set
tied nearly 500 cases and in G7 out
of every 100 cases both parties con
cerned declared themselves satisfied
with the decisions.
The Cairo bulletin., 1904-07-22

4 trolley line has been completed
at Bismarck, n D., extending from the
depot to the capitol about a mile and
half. 1t is owned and operated by
the state Of North Dakota, and it is the
emily electric railway in the United
States which is not owned by cor
poration.
The Cairo bulletin., 1904-07-22

The Russians saints day and i'm
erial fete dates are so nun eroUs
at he works not more than twenty
,aa days in a month.
The Cairo bulletin., 1904-07-22

Il is an odd thing, but the minute
1uige Parker said something of inn
portance Mr.. Roosevelt lapsed into
siience.
The Cairo bulletin., 1904-07-22

The farmer is going to get good
price for his wheat this fall, and even
IL we have short crop there will be
money in il.
The Cairo bulletin., 1904-07-22
MENU FOR TODAY.


Friday, July %,
Breakfast.
Fruit
Cereal Sugar and Cream
Pan Fish Stewed Potatoes
Parkerhouse Rolls Coffee
Lunch.
Tomato Garry
Baby PIN olas
Berry Bread Iced Tea
Dinner.
Raw CLAIMS
Ragout OF Vegetables
Rice Croquettes Corn
Egg Salad
Waters Cheese
Water Melon
Coffee.
The Cairo bulletin., 1904-07-22
ITEMS OF INTEREST

The New York City federation Of
Wamen's clubs has decided to buy
equip and conduct a 100000 club-
house. 1t is to contain a gymnasium,
Turkish baths, swimming pools, l.
b9ary. restaurant, etc
The Cairo bulletin., 1904-07-22
around
CANADIAN Woman work.rs

Wages OF women workers in Can
ada have Increased in recent years
from p to 90 per cent more than
mems
The Cairo bulletin., 1904-07-22

<TherA are six presidential tickets
n the field but very few of them are
fiassy enough 10 play TO show.
The Cairo bulletin., 1904-07-22

In China a wife is never spoken Of
by her husband in plain straightfor-
ward way. Such playful terms as
my thorn in the ribs" and my dull
companion" are more usual but leave
something 20 be desired in the score
Of elegance. The mean enc OF the in
ner room has a distinctive flavor #
masculine selfishness about it.
The Cairo bulletin., 1904-07-22

Louis p. Butler, Esq. has been ap
pointed to ill the vacancy in the
county superintendent OF public
schools.
The Cairo bulletin., 1904-07-22

There is an individual attached to
The court whose calling were it CLASH
fed in the directory would come un-
der the heading of draft hunter.
His' sole duty is to precede the king
and search for Earthquakes in the hall
or room in which the ceremony partic-
ipated in by his majesty Is to be hell.
If. for instance, King Edward attends
banquet the draft hunter visits
the room and fees thai every precau
ton IS taken FOR shielding his males
~ from the slightest draft
The Cairo bulletin., 1904-07-22
PUT 1T so PLAINLY THAT 1T
MAY BE READ. A GOOD PLACE
TO PUT 1T is IN THE COLUMNS
or THE BULLETIN.
CIRCULATION STATEMENT

Average, Daily and Sunday for Six
months ending June 80, 1904 1881
Average, Daily and Sunday Month
of June. 1904, ..............2 056
The Cairo bulletin., 1904-07-22

= considered that New York is
m1y indispensable to Demo
ctory this year This is a
concIhsion. but it need not
kotten that the count Of votes
3 showed that Mr.. Cleveland
have been elected even if New
q had gone Republican.
The Cairo bulletin., 1904-07-22
Inn Is a landmark.

The Seven STAR inn at Manchester,
England, boasts OF having been
licensed fos $50 years
The Cairo bulletin., 1904-07-22
For Vice President
HENRY G. DAVIS
of West Virgins

Grover Cleveland has said it-"Be
gteady.'
The Cairo bulletin., 1904-07-22

workman And Secretary shaw says
that high prices indicate prosperity.
The Cairo bulletin., 1904-07-22
Is YEARS AGO TODAY.
From The Bulletin Of July 22, 1869.

The steamer Cumberland brought
in seven hogsheads of tobacco for the
Planters Warehouse company yester-
dav.
The Cairo bulletin., 1904-07-22
DEMOCRATIC TICKET.

For President
ALTON B. PARKER
of New York.
Sistersville daily oil review. [volume] (Sistersville, W. Va.) 1902-1905, 1904-07-20
NO REASON FOR IT.
When Sistersville Citizens Are
Shown the Way.

There can be no just reason
why any reader of this will con-
tinue to suffer the fortunes of an
aching back, the annoyance of
urinary disorders, the dangers of
diabetes or any kidney ills when
relief is so near at hand and the
most positive proof given that
they can be cured. Read what
this man says:
H. Mulholland, machinist, of
Water street, Warrington, says:
ga severe attack of backache an
noyed me for some weeks. 1t is
not a very pleasant companion for
a man who has to follow my call
ing, and when | noticed in a news
paper an advertisement about
Doan's Kidney Pills which stated
that remedy could be depended
upon to stop backache in any
form 1 purchased a box. The
preparation proved to be just
what I needed. Improvement was
noticeable after a dose or two,
and when I had stopped using
them the aching was removed"
For sale by all dealers, price so
cents. Mailed by Foster Milburn
company, Buffalo, N. Y, sole
agents for the United States.
Remember the name Doan's,
and take no other.
Sistersville daily oil review. [volume] (Sistersville, W. Va.) 1902-1905, 1904-07-20
BAROSMs CURES BACkACHE.

TBoMPsos's BARosM1 win positively cure any
ease Of Baekache. Kidney, Liver and Blades
trouble, OF money refunded. THoNPsoS's
BARosNA also cures 0ciatie Rheumatism, Nerv.
oumes and Paipitat3on d tie Heart Perfectly
sarmle.sI Pleasant % taks. Has cured many
children u non-csteutkn- Dracx,sta
Sold by Hill Brothers.
Sistersville daily oil review. [volume] (Sistersville, W. Va.) 1902-1905, 1904-07-20
DEER PARK HOTEL,
DEER PARK, MD.

This famous Alegheney hostel
ry opened June IS, with pros
poets for a brilliant season. The
twelve cottages have been reno
waited and painted, inside and
out. Two of the choicest can be
secured if application is made at
once. Many suites of rooms have
been engaged in the hotel.
The popularity of this resort is
due to it's splendid location, $500
feet above the sea level, out of
range of malaria and mosquitoes.
Every convenience is provided
for guests. Delightful rooms and
an excellent cuisine. The hotel ia
provided with all modern i'm
provements for comfort; and
bowling alleys, billiard rooms,
tennis courts, golf links, swim.
ming pools, etc., for amusement.
An entirely new livery equip
ment has been installed.
Three solid vestibuled trains
each way daily with Pullman cars
via the Baltimore & Ohio railroad
between New York, Philadelphia,
Baltimore, Washington, Cincin.
natl, Louisville and st. Louis.
Stop-overs allowed on all through
tickets.
Address W. E. Burwell, Mana
ger; Deer Park, Md. 6,18-30t
Sistersville daily oil review. [volume] (Sistersville, W. Va.) 1902-1905, 1904-07-20
The Motorers' Paradise.

Friends of the self motors declare
that Holland is an earthly paradise
for automobiles because of the level
nature of the country and the long,
straight stretches of the thorough
fares. Moreover, it is not to be for
gotten that when these vehicles run
amuck in the realm of Queen Will
helmina there are no crags for them
to dash against and no cliffs for
them to fall from. If they 60 On a
rampage the gentle, oozy bed of a
placid canal is ready to receive them
caressingly and without harm. Hol-
land for the autos and the autos fol
Holland, by all means!
Sistersville daily oil review. [volume] (Sistersville, W. Va.) 1902-1905, 1904-07-20
BALTIMORE & OHIO R. R.
to the
W o Ids FAIR.
Very Low Rates.

Various forms of excursion
tickets to st. Louis, via Baltimore
& Ohio railroad, now on sale from
Sistersville as follows:
Season Tickets, good to return
until December Is, 1904, to be
sold daily at rate of $3.50 round
trip.
Sixty Day excursion tickets,
final limit not later than Deem
Der ID, 1904, to be sold daily at
rate of $1S.75 round trip.
Fifteen Day excursion tickets,
to be sold daily at rate of $3.50
round trip.
Coach Excursion Tickets, with
return limit of seven days, will be
sold twice a week, every Tuesday
and Thursday, until July 31st, at
$11.5O for the round trip. These
tickets will be restricted to day
coaches in both directions, wheth-
er on regular or special trains.
For further particulars regard
ing stop-overs, time of trains, ETC.,
call on or address nearest Balti-
more & Ohio ticket agent. 7,5-tf
Sistersville daily oil review. [volume] (Sistersville, W. Va.) 1902-1905, 1904-07-20
A Terrible Case of Eczema
and Erysipelas.

San-Cura Ointment has no equal
for erysipelas. One year ago my
face and neck were one mass of
raw sores; the doctor said I had
eczema, also. I had not slept for
weeks, with itching, burning pain.
1t was terrible! The first night
I used San-Cura Ointment I slept
all night for the first time in
weeks, and in short time was
completely cured.
CHAS. FAY,
Townville, Pa.
Druggists, Csc and SOC, or
Thompson Medical company, Tt
tusville, Pa. an