The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1904-02-13
THE NONPAREJL MAN

Thomas EoWry's Artificial PierIan Spring
In the Eighth Ward Is Embalmed In
DeathIess Verse Written by Some Adj
mirlng Friend Complaint Also Made
That the Gas Now In Use Causes an Ar
tlAcIas Twilight Ii Lighted Before the,
Sun Sets. e
A poem brings to hand the news that
Mr.. Lowry has given the eighth ward
an artes1an we'll. At, least we judge as
much from n a set OF stanzas that came in
recently from which we extract q few
To Tom Lowrys artesian- well ~ ys>t
We owe the thanks we can never fell
For the sparkling water so clear and pure,
For no one has better, WEIR very sure.
Come and drink Of the sparkling water,
Como We parents, son and daughter
For the eighth warders are happy at last,
And the old oaken bucket is a thing Of the past.
The writer then leaves Mr.. Lowry's
we'll enough alone. and takes up the mat
ter of gas which Is said to cast but, a
dim light over eighth ward wickedness,
The poem says:
We cannot read, we cannot sew,
Where we are, we hardly know,
But the day is coming before very long
When the gas company will catch it, and that
pretty strong.
Why not, instead Of kicking, go in and
inform the gas gentleman that it doesn't
burn well. He'll make; it as bright as lit
tie Charlie at the table when there's COM
pany! SfEE ~
The city fathers have got to live, L don't think;
And any man who puts up roar
Should be kicked from his cracker-box seat in
the grocery store. .
At Minneapolis, the other day, a former alder
man was arrested for splitting on the floor of a
| street car. In St. Louis there are people who
would scorn to spit on the floor, yet avail them
selves Of the opportunity to spit into the opening
into which the window is lowered.-St., Louis
Star. -. ~ 49, .,s..
Human nature is the same everywhere
We once knew an old fellow who sup.
ported his wife: by allowing her to keel
a boarding-hous He used to sit around
| in the parlor and expectorates down the
register. Incidentally he was a profust
user Of eating-tobacco. We moved: ..:-:
Asa winter resort it is a little too'warir
at Port Arthur. : " = . =. '' s->E =: =
The Japanese are said to be very ;initia
tive. They gave a fine imitation of a. maj
| tossing a Tartar about eight feet into, thu
air. -. E-:f,s = s.+3,G' - - -,
| - :'@aS:H@ .%'S :----I3:,s - go" ,:>t'
The gas was: so bright in our home tn
other night that our eyes were dazzlet
and the ~roclzing-chair got two or thre
= half Nelson's on us in the gloom rh
New York Gas, company has been pump
/ ing air into the pipes and soaking tn
folks a dollar per thousand, feet for. at
mosphere. ss>gs:-7a-.~'s .,~E - = & -,
The street cries have changed of late
Insteal of Cali about the bloody 1nurde
and the Ratchet stepped in gore,'' we nov
hear the Wild yell Of '''tAll.. about the kin
of Africa shot IN, the. leg and eight battle
! ships sunk by the Japanese ,t.r:-..
We made a, serious error in stirring u
| the mathematical genius of the northwes
with an egg problem the other day. Th
size of, the mail. however, does prove tina
all the mathematician and puzzle sharp
. read the nonparlel column. The mail fc
: two or three days has been loaded to til
4 gunwaIes with. solutions Of the egg prof.
Il lem. ....
1.-TWO more eggs for 80 -cents,'' said til
!. grocer, would make them r2e cents pr
dozen less.'' Then how many eggs coul
you get for 20 cents, was the problem.
There seems to be- a. fairish, kind {
agreement that the customer ought :,
i, 4 have "a dozen eggs efoaEso cents. 5Son
= geniuses contend for t13.I-One Il lady c
Z Twenty fifth street saysnS Al. 1--WE; don
know = 5sT ihsf "a iiH'~e .ssi2 81.
After we We're ali thru, the follow
ing letter came if:~r.:~r>s ~ 49, >.
:, Dear Mr.: Moses: s Many housewives Of tt
8 suburbs anxious to learn where you can g,
:. thirteen eggs for. 20 cents. please give a :fe
= statistics concerning vintage of same. Respec
FL fully, -. z-"Ann."
81; Anyone who can get any pleasure out
these problems is welcome to it but If v
4 had much to, do. with such stuff, it won
- be us to the padded cell with the bell
that We We're entanngled under the radio
" sign and couldn't get out. =. a.. "
II ..... ..... A. J. r.