Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1904-11-12
COULD REALLY SHORE

The fat sleeper in ths middle of the smok-
ing car was snoring like lumberjack after
the spring drive.
The man with the store clothes and the
black glazed bag, in the seat behind, re-
garded the fat sleeper;& uriously
Right smart on the snore, hey? he re-
marked TO his seat-mate, who nodded.
That is to say.I went on the man with
the black glazed bags "he's some on the
snore as snorin' goes back this-a-way, but
his work sounds like jewsharp aiongslde
bass drum In COMPARISON with the snorin
o Ffcks Pluffey. out my way"
"Ficks." commented the seatmate OF the
man with the black glazed bag. must ma
been some noisy slumberer."
That's what Ficks was" said the man
with the black glazed bag Ficks holds
the Kansas record for snorin' at all dis
tances, from jump to four miles, ana
there's heap O. powerful snorers out IN
Kansas. at that. Ficks Pluffey druv coal
next door t me. So L ought t. know. Ffcks
KEEP me shorfn' up my shack with railroad
ties for five year. on account of his snorin.
A. that. Ficks snored SO hard one night
that the blamed wickieup fell In on me
vile was in my bunk and I like to've
piped out right then. That was when the
town got together and made Ficks sleep
out in the woods.
snorin'. 1t sure was He was always get
tin into some kind OF mess along O. his
snorin'. never will fgt the time he broke
up all the cavalry horses at Fort Leaven-
worth The soldiers havin' what they call
monkey and-Cossack drill on the p'rade
groun' on the Fourth O. July, and Ficks
Pluney took run up to the post to look
1t over. VILE waitin' rr the boss soldiers
t show up Ficks picked out soft piece O.
grass under tree over t the left O. the
p'rade groun'. and from chewin' on blades
| O grass and loafin' there In the shade what
does Ficks do but git t. slumberin'. He was
off in spot by hisself, and nobody knowed
that Ficks was anywhere, near the post.
We'll, the HOSES with their riders came
a-rompin' out hull regiment, and purity
soon they got t. dom them fancy circus
tricks, a-slowin' the bosses UP some SOS
t. be able t hang on. Well, sir. evry one
| O them soldiers was a-standin' on his head
| on his hoss's back. the bosses goin' slow
and even like, when --ta-ra-ra-ra-went the
| trumpet call that meant 'charge! 1t was
ony Ftcks wakin' up and lettin' out
| final snore blast but the bosses didn't
know that, and neether did the soldier.
| FIR it sounded jes as much like the trum-
| pet call t charge as the charge itself.
| Now, all o. them bosses in the Fort Leaven-
worth cavalry had been out in Injun fights,
| and the charge t them was like what a
| barkeep's bungstarter 'ud be t me and you.
| 1t started 'em.
"Ev'ry one O them thousan' and odd
| bosses jes' give one big jump at the sound.
|
| fallin off-they was standin on their heads
| on the bosses backs at the time, think
! newfoundland ev'ry one o them comm
burned per1lious near t breakin their
| necks. The bosses, not KNOWN what was
| dom without their riders, stampeded FIR
| the tall brush FIR fair. and most of 'em ran
about twenty-five miles before they was
corralled. and that wa'ant till five days lat
| er on Most O. the soldiers had t go t the
| hospital FIR repairs, bein' all bunged up
| from faliin on their heads, and you kin
| bet the kunnel O. the regiment more
| than red-headed about 1t. Then an officers
kid that had slipped up clus t were Ficks
| lay told the old man that it had been Ficks
Pluffey that had sounded the charge a
snorin'. and Ficks had t stink up t. Atchi-
| son and stay there a month or till the
| thing blowed over Or the soldiers would
| sure ha' killed him.
We'll. even vile that hard-luck Ficks
was up in Atchison he couldn't keep out
| O. trouble on account o. his snorin'. He
came so near wreckin a freight and pas
senger train by bringih' 'em t'gether head
| on that the railroad folks threatened t.
| send him t. state prison FIR life if he didn't
| make move back t. were he come from.
| 1T seems that F'icks seepin one
| night in clump o. bushes alongside the
| railroad track, when long freight train
| pulled up clus t w 'ere he lay. There was
| a hot box or somethin the matter with the
engine, and the freight had t. be stopped
| right there on the main track. --. -
| The overland express from the other d.
| rection was due right then, too. and a
L
| brakeman was jes startin' forward with a
| red lantern t. signal the passenger train t.
| pull up until the freight could get under
| way t make the sidin', wen. 10 and b'hold,
| the whistle o the passenger train was
| heard In the distance UP the track. Well,
| that whistle O. the passenger train sort O.
| got Ficks Pluffey t dreamin', as he lay
| there alongside the track, and durn my
whiskers If he didn't in his sleep let out
| snore that could ha' been heard ten miles,
and that meant all right-track clear
were on the sdin'. The freight crew was
| so kerfiummoxed FIR minnit that they
didn't know witch way t. turn. but they
| heard the passenger train a-thunderin'
| down upon them, and the brakeman he'd
| jes time t. rush forward, wavin' his red
| lantern with all his might, and stop the
| passenger train, the engine O. which came
| t halt on'y about an eighth of an inch
away from the helpless freight engine It
was the narrowest shave ever knowed In
| western raiiroadin', and wen the two crews
| Investigated the source O. the snored
whistle and found Ficks still asleep they
booted him awake and handled him some
| thin scandalous, and poor Ficks was warn
| ed t git out O. Atchison before daylight"