The Birmingham age-herald., 1904-09-04


 received from Vulcan, the iron man. few days ago:
 Worlds Fair. Mo. August 26, 1904. MT. J. B. Gibson, Birmingham, Ala.
 My dear cousln:-I beg to acknowledge receipt of your favor of the 22nd in stant, together with the marked copies of the Age-Herald l especially thank you Tor the papers. l would besglad to get nearer view of more of my home papers. But Mac. often forgets to pass them up to me, and l feel a natural reluctance in taking them from his table.
 l In regard for your request for ad- ditional photographs of the lgorrotes, | will do my best the first time l go over there to secure them, although my cam era is hardly strong enough for such subjects. Perhaps you had best not wait on me Moreover as you are aware Mac and Fred have placed me on honor not to go over there without their consent. And of course, l would not think of vio- lating their confidence by taking any step which would not meet with their entire approval. Besides MacKnight is getting little fractious here lately and our re- lations are becoming just a little strain ed. Am afraid l will become somewhat fractious myself if he don't quit beat ing on my lame leg every time Boston school marm comes along and expresses the usual Boston doubt that anything really real and solidly solid, exists out side Of Boston. However, as long as Mac confines his energy to knocking on my leg, l will not really kick. But l fear that when he begins to make arrange ments for our red fire home returning, he will try to pull 1t. But he is hustler from away back. It will not be his fault if every man, woman and child who enters this building is not introduced to me.
 As to Macs "fractiousness" a little thirg occurred the olner day which shows that this Is not entirely imagination. on my part. In the first place my imagina- tion is not very vivid, nor long remains over heated. Last Saturday was quite hot, especially in the boudoir set apart for my use My bath tub was leaking so badly I could not use 1t, and all the plumbers were down In Birmingham wip- ing their lips and their joints Incidental ly, Ben Barbour's private secretary writes me that the big convention wiped lips much oftener than they did joints. That, however, Is on the side. l was fearfully hot, and so was Mac. You and he and Fred never perspired any more freely when you were getting the measure of my last spring suit, than Mac did last Satur- day, fighting flies and working off double headers of summer information and guesses as to what Mel was most likely to do after he really and finally quit building new water worKs Tor Brming- ham. The ice man came along and slid ed in Macs hourly allowance of 100 lbs. Says 1 Mac. for the love of Olympus. pass me up that bit of refreshment." It seemed to me a small thing for a man to do- But Mac merely shook his head and said "Vul. old boy, I just can't do 1t. Am not sure whether this refusal was due to a lack on his part of fortiter in re or an excess of locum renens.
 You ask me if I have any idea what shall do after my contract with Fred Is out here. No, I have not definitely de- cided, but as usual have several things in view. At first l thought l would like to get on the Montgomery baseball team as reserve pitcher. MT. O'Brien how ever, replied that the pitchers he already had kept him and the umpire so busy counting the runners and the stealers of bases that he had no time just then to look after new pitchers. Also intimated that I was cracked" for the kind of ball you fellows used to pay on Saturday afternoons on Olympus would not suit Montgomery" l did not quite understand what he meant, for our team at Olympus was certainly always on the top. AS much cannot as yet be said of Montgom- ery's. l then applied to Father Vaughan as auxiliary first baseman The father replied stating that no auxialiary first baseman was needed, on the Birmingham team. further intimating that my legs were not supple enough for fast base running Under all of the circumstances, think the insinuaton somewhat un- called for. l, however, considered Harry's extreme youth As long as his team really plays ball, l wif not Kick, no, not by Tamsett.
 I then applied to Underwod for a posi- ton on the Rural Free Delivery force. also asking his opinion and advice in regard to Pe-ru-na, and if he thought well of it as a lubricant, to step into Doster-Northingtons and have them send me a dozen bottle for rubbing my left big toe, which has been giving Mac and myself as well as the nearsighted New Englanders a good deal of trouble lately. Oscars reply as usual was prompt. He advised me to apply to Dr. Hughes for a place on the city force. That l was likely better suited for some place in the city Possibly my constitution was not strong enough to stand the exposure incident to the rural service, etc. He also informed me quite plainly that l had made big mistake in consulting him as to the virtues of Pe-ru-na must cer- tainly have gotten him mixed up with some other fellow That, he, Oscar w., positively knew nothing of his own know ledge about Pe-ru-na. But did know all about sasafras tea. of which he used large quantities, especially in the spring. Advised me to drink that. Just think Jim. of such advice from a man of Kentucky origin. In the first place. where in thunder, even of Pop loves thunder, was I going to get sasafras tea in St. Louis? Oscar Is a faithful con- gressman but he Is certainly off when | he advises me or any other mortal man l to look for sasafras tea in St. Louis. 1 Had as well look for a republican ma iority in Texas. Somehow I am curious to know if he himself ever found or drank any sasafras tea in St. Louis. Per haps the brown color fooled him. Still to me it tastes different
 If I should finally decide to close the option you have secured for me at Five Points will advise you. l don't exactly fancy that stand on account of so many automobiles passing. l never could stand the internal smell of those things. Pluto says he likes it. That so many of them now come his way that he has gotten used to it. Says even Cerebus now barks and wags his tail when he hears the famWar click-click and whiffs the air for the well known scent. Yes, Pluto says ne likes the smell. But Puts ideas about smells never did quite agree with mine. I suppose if I should finally decide to accept Puts invitation to go to Hades to live I will have to get used to that automobile> smell but not until then. l hate to trouble as busy man as you are but if you can spare the time from com piling statistics as to how many houses Adams children built in the Birmingham district last year, l will appreciate your attending to a few little things for me, suggested by reading the Age-Herald columns.
 First. send me a case of Ingram Lithia Water I have not had decent drink I 4ar.fg 1nn ID