The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 18??-1935, 1904-08-26
JOBSON HAS GRIP.

1t was only about month ago that Nj
Jobson emitted his latest burst of elo
quence on the subject of the diseas'
known as the grip. Mrs. Jobson had thu
grip then. Mr. Jobson seized the occa
sion when the medical man was making
one of his calls to advance his theories
concerning the grip. Mr. Jobson tool
the view, then, as he had been taking II
for good many years-for he had never
been doubled up by the grip himself
that the grip, or influenza, was purely
imaginary disease.
you medical sharps," said Mr. job
son to the doctor attending Mrs. Jobson
who had been acquainted with the job
sons for a good many years, find the
public pretty easy picking when the cold
weather's on, don't your"
"Oh. the public's pretty easy for us all
the time, Jobson,' replied the medical
man, good naturally.
Cali you've got to do" went on Mr..
Jobson, when fellow feels kind o.
measly and out of sorts. is to look him
| your basso profundo voices working
while you tell him that he's got the grip
Then you've got the poor idiot for good
thing on your staff of patients for any
space of time from couple of weeks to
two months, and when you finally con-
sent to let him get up-although there's
never been anything the matter with
him worth mentioning-you have actu-
ally succeeded in convincing him that
he's really been through sure-enough
sickness, and he more than turns hand
springs in order to square up that two
dollars the visit thing that you soak him
for"
1T was doctor, Jobson, who invented
that phrase about one of those good
things being born every minute" cheer
fully got back the medical man, as he
took his leave
About ten days ago Mr.. Jobson began
to look hollow-eyed and to complain OF
that "all-gone" feeling.
Don't know what the dickens has got
into me-" he growled at the breakfast
table one morning, "but feel as If I'd
been on one consecutive rummiferous
jamboree, without five-minute inter
mission, for four years. Bones all ache
az If was ten years old and growing an
inch a month. my hearing is so bad that
I can't even hear people offering me
money. have chill one minute and |
feel as if I'd gone to purgatory the next |
my head feels as heavy as two dozen OF |
a kind of muffin that I've tasted not 1000 |
miles from here, and, in general, Ia sell |
myself at public auction, without re-
serve, and no bid refused, at starting
price of half Jap yen with hole in it."
Probably" said Mrs. Jobson, eau
tiously, you have taken cold"
"Cold nothing" said Mr.. Jobson. out
OF hand-it is one of the mean charac-
teristics of the grip that 1T affects its
victims memories and renders them abb
surdly inconsistent. VI know what's
the matter with me. I've got the grip
that's what I've got"
1.-THE what?" stammered Mrs. Jobson.
amazed at this startling change of opin.
ioneven on the part of Mr. Jobson within
such brief space of time.
THE grip, grip" snapped Mr.. job
SON, looking her square in the eye.
Ever hear of the grip? Perhaps you'd
.ather called it la grippe, or the infiu-
,nza, or the diseasicus cussitavus, OF I
But whatever you'd prefer {
o hear it called, I've got it, and I've got
t bad, and guess It's pretty good
hing for you that I've kept that life
policy paid up all of these
ears. don't see my way out of this
rip thing Kills slathers and slews OF
men of my age. Attacks them in their
weakest spot, wherever that may be
nd when that happens it's all'up with
en-"
But" said Mrs. Jobson, in spite OF !
erself, didn't you say only about ,
hree weeks ago. when was first taken a
With the grip, that there was no such
hing, and that 1t was purely imaginary, r
nd didn't you tell the doctor himself !
hat all of the members of his profession .
1ere frauds and fakes because they
,ught people to believe that there was !,
UGH thing as the grip. and"
Mr.. Jobson didn't flare up In his ac- ,
ustomed way. He had been gazing !,
into Mrs. Jobson's face
YER since she had begun to speak, and !,
ow he did very peculiar thing. He -
,ok her face between his hands and :
roked her cheeks tenderly.
Poor girl" he muttered, "the grip ;.
,rtainly has left you In bad way. :
ad heard that It affected peoples
inds in that way. but never saw II !,
lustrated so before. So you dreamed !"
/. that had said that there was no such -
thing as grip, and the dream has now =, -
ken the form of fixed idea in your w
ind? Poor oio girl; you need change,
right, to get these grip-implanted
out Of your mind, and az da
on as you get through patching me up CO
ID pull me throusb my ,2tle dose Of the N