The Birmingham age-herald., 1904-01-10

The reason Alonzo Rust sold his right ear wac Just because of his all-hred sazness, There never was but one man lazier than Alonzo, and that man died be- cause eating made his jaws tired,
 Alonzo's mother, now, was different She was such an everlasting worker that one day, after scrubbing offices from three to seven A. NJ, washing clothes from seven a. m. until noon, when she got dinner for Aionzo, ironing from one un- til six, when she got. supper for Alonzo, and sewing from seven until nlne her main shifting broke and she Inconsistent tely died,
 Aleaze never quite forgave her for that Nurtsred la comfort as he was, the world seemed as gloomy and forbiddlng as a prohibition caucus in Kentucky, It Hooked like a case of work or starve, and ahere Is no telling what might have be- come of the poor orphan, if Doctor Dun 5nerundblitz, the. famous specialist, had not advertised for an ear. The doctor picked Alonzo out from the throng with glance and Invited him into the operat- ing room, where he disrobed him and ex- amined him as he would a horse.
 "Ach HimmeE'' exclaimed the doctor, Rubbing his hands with delight Such a lofely ear and body of such a per fectnesst Herr Nantackle!' he called, opening the door that led into his private office, ''kommen sie out und your ear compare togedder yet init desc beautiful eggsamplet"
 Reggie Nantackle strode into the room and grabbed Alonzo by the right ear. He pulled and jerked and stretched it, and twisted 1t like piece of rubber, then he prodded Alonzo's muscles and, stepped back to look him over. ss'seemes like good, tough ear.'' he re- marked.
 Its a good ear for music, too they say" Alonzo put in, thinking it was time to put all his best points forward.
 That's right, old man, boost a ittle," said Reggie with a smile. "I want to use 1t, though, in a football scrimmage, where l lost my own, and I don't care whether it knows a bagpipe from a hand organ, just so it's a good locker and will stand the ware and tear Is it match, Doc?"
 I'd iss two matches. yust as same as two Shinamen iss alike, alreatty!" re- piled the doctor. with enthusiasm.
 ''Is his blood good?'
 .Maknificendly"
 Then you win said Reggie to Alonzo. ssDoc says it will take about ten days to graft 1t on, then it's you to the old home stead with five thousand smoeans and fancy rubber that's being made for you, and me to the gridiron to loose few more features, suppose
 So AlOnzo was saved from starvation. The next morning the doctor strapped them to a double couch, head to head and began the operation It was like nice job as night watchman to Alonzo, for 1a4 1,x, 1 rt- ing for ten days. They woke him up, now and then to feed him on luxuries, but that was about all the annoyance he had You see he had a fine healthy body that had never been racked by physical culture foolishness, a digestion that had never been ruined by health foods or dieting, and nerves that had never been worn by thought or worry, so it was nice and restful.
 But Raggie .yantaelxle was case. s
 That paupered young millionaire had lived such a restless and energetic life that, after the first day, he started in to ccuss' as often as he opened his seyes, and kept at 1t till he swore himaeH to sleep. He begged and prayed with tears in his eyes to just get one arm ont or leg loose so he could kick, and when ho coulden't he would start in ofl the doctor. He cursed the doctor up one side and down the other, then he aIlthemised the uoctors university, his fellow efudents and the entire faculty. Then he turned his attention to the doctcrs family, irn- l, midate and remote, his ancestry and his posterity- Then she spread to the entire German nation, winding up with the Kaiser.
 Alonzo. his past present and future his sires to the tenth generation afld his sons forever, came in for the next all- round execration, but t never feazed Alonzo so Reggie turned his attention to the nurse, the cook, the peroer<by on the street and then, by gradun1IX winding cir cles, to the entire unixerp>s When there wasn't anybody or auyfhink eIae to damn he began all over again.
 The doctor was sociable sort. When he had time he came in and helped Reg gie swear, and they put up duet of pro- fanity. in two live languages and half a dozen dead ones, that would have made an experienced and accomplished rail- road breakman give one g3ft, Of envys wave for down brakes andi drop dead.s Between the two they had Rrerythfng pretty well covered when the doctor dier covered that the exercise Kept tho CT from knitting properly, sd h6 bound ID poor Reggie's jaws and the only thing left for the suffering and viGofoua younk millionaire to do was to bGf ont hs ha- precations. in the Morse te1ephona cods, with his eyelids. 9 ss
 At last. however. the CT Wa& nicely transferred. They woke AIoneo and rye him his money. and RpGEte yanta4kle dashed out and ran fq1rteen ,miles Ito Timber up. Alonzo was HoHloIe6s but Ihe dragged himself out on the sidewalk and hailed passing hack. ff VII com fortable hack and Alonzo lived init tbree days and nights. till tfe 1utyek dot ahim settled down Alonzo tn&k elhyrd' in the hack and slept while thu t1lver alooked at flats, and finally rented ode; he stayed in the hack while the drfx@r tfm1Gt him His meals; he sat still ma el1pt &h1e the driver bought the furniture. had t in- stalled and hired a heu1ekeeper End valet, then he had 1l1nce1k cnuiSd up stairs. into his comforte11e hcme and went to bed
 At last AIonzo wasS 11111G! He smoked