Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1904-04-01

DER REFORMED DRUNKARD WAS INSIDE.
window NIT all der bottles und Jugs /
can find around. All der bottles und
jugs vhas labeled WHISKY" Bran
dy," Gin" Rum" sickness" "Pov-
erty," Der Poorhouse" und Death"
und 1t makes my hair stand COP to
look at 'em. Across der window I haf
sign TO read:
Der Reformed Drunkard vhas
Inside Come IT.
Everything vhas ready before I 60 to
bed. und Mr.. Voglesten looks around
him before he goes home und says:
Hans, dago vhas n pooty sharp
man. but tomorrow you shall show der
pooblic dot Dootchman vhas sharp
err"
j don't hardly get my shop open in
der morning before Teller comes In.
lie vhas no preacher, und he vhas no
loafer, but shust a Teller dot don't get
In der vhay of trolley car. He reads
dot sign und looks at der bottles from
outdoors. und he smiles ut me und SAYS:
"Oldt mans. you had 'em badt, didn't
youY'
awful badt," says
"See many rats?"
Thousands und tousands."
Snakes twist around your lcgsY
"Plenty OF 'em."
well, I've been there myself und
know how it is, und I've also reform
ed-that is, don't take more than six
drinks u day unless I'm out with the
boys. Are you sticking right to cold
waterY
"Shust ash hard ash can. drink
half II barrel n day"
well, feel Il my duty TO help YOU
along. und I'll send boy around with
three pairs of shoes TO be fixed. Must
come tough on you, but stick il oudt if
you can
IN ten minutes womans comes in.
She haf two pairs of shoes in her hand
und vhas going TO der dago's When she
secs my window.
WAS YOU der reformed drunkard?'
she asks ash she looks me oafer.
Il vhas. madam" says.
"Und how many years do you drink
whisky und pound your wife und
smash oop der furnitureY"
More ash twenty years"
"SoF Was you often in jailT'
zone hoonered times"
"Und do you go by der Salvation
Army 10 be reformed?"
mo, ma'am. One morning after /
almost kill my wife und baby und set
der house on fire l sit down in der
back yard to think. In two hours !
make oop my mind to reform. und
from dot hour 1 don't drink nothings
but water. l now hat a growing baby
und happy wife. und my house yhas
full OF joy"
How beautiful says dot womans.
"Vhell. when find sooch a case | feel
like extending an encouraging hand.
You can fix COP der shoes today, und
tomorrow l Will bring in some more"
She vhas hardly gone AWAY when in
comes n mans dot winks at me und
says:
I'm Jealous Of you, oldt mans"
How vhas it?'
IF you've emptied all dose jugs und
bottles, you've had gay oldt time all
by your lonesome, ind ! should think
1t would make your mouth water to
remember 1t. So you don't look on the
wine when it's red any more?'
Not one look"
"Have any pains or achesY
"Not one"
"Vhell. I've been soaking for forty
years. und I'm going TO keep 1t oop for
forty more. l know l should bring on
q collapse IL l didn't have ten or twelve
nips day, und l don't propose to have
any collapse in mine. If you vhant to
be ass enough TO guZZle cold water
after having had good time all dose
years dots your own peesness. I'm
always on hand to help boost Teller
man oop. howefer. und you shall fix
oop der shoes for my whole family.
Ia ia, oldt reformed. I tried 1t for a
week once, und my pity goes oudt for
you Put leetle castor oil in der
water to make 1t taste like Scotch
whisky"
In leetle while an old bum comes
in. He has n red nose und water in
his eyes, und l know he vhas q drunk
ard for ten years.
Hans" he begins ash he ticks his
chops oafer der bottles und der jugs,
Il vhas an oldt soaker for years und
years"
"So?"
81 vhas drunk on whisky, rum, gin,
brandy, wine. beer und hard cider"
'.SoI"
Il vhas In Jail as mooch ash oudt. :
und from being some shentlemaus I