davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1904-08-24
Vanishing Britisher..

In the dominions of the British en-
pire alone 5000 individuals vanish ey-
cry year without leaving any indica-
tons as to their whereabouts or even
appearing again.
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1904-08-24
JINGLEs AND JEsTs.
The Doctors Orders.

Have you let your whiskers grow?
Shave EN- off.
They are full of germs, you know.
Shave en- off,
Chase the microbes out of where
They are nesting in the hair.
Give your face little air.
Shave EN- off.
Chicago Record-Herald.
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1904-08-24

when something is very difficult to
understand" said the distinguished
professor of biology, ut is called sci
ence; when it is impossible, it is called
philosophy"
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1904-08-24
CARD OF THANKS.

We desire to thank the many ends
and neighbors who SO kindly - isted
us during the illness and death OF our
beloved mother. Such acts are not
soon forgotten.
VIM. GILBREATH,
and Family.
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1904-08-24
She Was Simply Grs.

She was built like large figure s
And of course she bemoaned her IS,
And now her friends say
She's training each day
In an effort to reduce her VS..
cleveland Plain Dealer.
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1904-08-24
Brief and to the Point.

"He asked me if couldn't learn to
love him.
"And what did you say
II said I couldn't" New York Life.
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1904-08-24
REPUBLICAN CONVENTION.

A delegate convention OF the Republicans
of Crawford County is hereby called to meet
in the Opera house, Denison Iowa on
FRIDAY SEPTEMBER 9TH.
at II O'Clock a. H. for the purpose of nominate
ing candidates for the following county
offices toWit:
County Auditor
Clerk of District Court
County Recorder
County Attorney
Supervisor TO succeed Ohm Holland
and the transaction of such other business as
may properly come before said convention;
unless otherwise ordered by precinct com
mitteemen. 1T is recommended that caucuses
be held on the evening proceeding the con-
vention.
All precincts that have not selected their
committeeman for the ensuing year should
do so al this caucus. The basis for represen-
tation will be one delegate for each precinct
and one delegate for zach u5) votes or major
fraction thereof cast for Hon. A. Il. Cummins
Governor in November 1903. Precincts are
entitled to representation us follows:
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1904-08-24
Positively Brutal.

MY face is my fortune, SIR" she
said.
Well he replied, poverty is no dis
grace, but it's awfully inconvenient at
times. Town and Country.
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1904-08-24

Tess-1 suppose he surprised you
when he kissed your hand.
Jess-1es, and told him 1 didn't
think he'd stoop so low as that-Phila-
delphia Press.
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1904-08-24
One Reason.

"Why do they refer to group CT
equines as string of horses?'
II don't know unless it's because
they tie up mans ."-Cleve-
land Plain Dealer.
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1904-08-24

Cheat.
"A horse trotted five thousand IT,,
And broke at that stage of the hit.
The driver, twas plain,
Had yanked on the rein,
Being paid to let other nags BIT.
New York Times.
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1904-08-24
The Summer Resort Appetite.

Waiter Girl with rising Infection
Chicken potpie, roast leg of lamb
or
Summer Boarder-All three.-Chica-
60 Tribune.
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1904-08-24
With One Accord

There's no place like home" she war
bled
AS singer she wasn't bird
And the audience, agreeing with her. no
doubt,
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1904-08-24
Misplaced.

Went home without word.
China oo . aoord lIer,1a
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1904-08-24
"A Pertinent ou..~

Pertinent Query,
Mrs. Henpeck-The doctor says You
need rest.
Henpeck-When are you going away
to the country, my dear?-Boston
Globe.
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1904-08-24
And Use II.

AhU Use H.
"What legislators those Japs would
make!"
''They will risk their lives to seize
ass."-Philadelphia North Ameri-
can.
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1904-08-24

JlNGLEs AND JEsTs.
The Doctors Orders.
Have you let your whiskers grow?
Shave EN- off,
They are fun of germs, you know.
Shave en- Off
Chase the microbes out of where
They are nesting in the hair
Give your face a little air
Shave EN- off,
Chicago Record-Herald
Positively Brutal.
MY face is my fortune, sir" she
said.
Well he replied. poverty is no dis
grace, but it's awfully inconyenient at
times. Town and Country.
One Reason.
why do they refer to group Of
equines as string of horses?"
II don't know unless it's because
WY tlS UP lldll = IuOueN. '-CleVe-
land Plain Dealer.
With One Accord.
There's no place like home" she war
bled.
AS singer she wasn't bird.
AND the audience, agreeing with her, no
doubt,
Went home without word
Chicago Record-Herald.
Misplaced.
Tess-I suppose he surprised you
when he kissed your hand.
Jess-Yes, and l told him / didn't
think he'd stoop so low as that.-Phila-
delphia Press.
The Summer Resort Appetite.
Waiter Girl with rising Infection
Chicken potpie, roast leg of lamb
Summer Boarder-All three.-Chica-
60 Tribune.
Cheat.
"A horse trotted five thousand IT,.
And broke at that stage of the hit.
The driver twas plain,
Had yanked on the rein,
Being paid to let other nags BIT.
New York Times
A Pertinent Query.
Mrs. Henpeck-The doctor says You
need a rest.
Henpeck-When are you going away
to the country, my ear?-Boston
Globe.
And Use It.
what legislators those Japs would
makel"
"They will risk their lives to seize
a pass."-Philadelphia North Ameri-
can.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1904-04-21
A Snake Story.

A New York paper prints the fol-
lowing capital yarn, which is well
quslIfied to take rank with Mark
Twains classic about the buffalo who
"cIimb" tree. Here Il Is:
MANY creatures Of the. tropic zone
arrived yeterday aboard the Atlantic
transport liner Marquette from Lon
don, and few OF them Of antagon-
istic temperaments got into scraps on
the way across.
"A monkey and a porcupine had a
dispute and the porcupine wrote Its
monogram on the monkey. But the
greatest sport to the animal keepers
was duel between a crocodile and
python.
"The crocodile Is a pet Of Mrs.
szarvasI Of the Sells Forepaugh show
and is called sappho. The python, 80
the classic press agent who gave ths
story said, is named Phaon.
Three nights ago the python, sait
to be about twenty feet long. escaped
| from It's box and discovered the pc
crocodile. and made an effort 7
squeeze It's life out. But the seal!
4 armor of the saurian was unbendabl
and could not be cracked even by IN
rigorous pressure Of a forty-foo
python's coil. The crocodile lashe'
| it's tan in an Intellectual effort TO reac
the python, whose eighty feet wer
wound around the crocodile, chieh
afaidships.
"The animal men discovered tn
combatants about an hour after the
had been In conflict, and tried to IN
coil the 100 feet of python. 1t wa
impossible as the coils had became 9
rigid as steel.
'"rhen the men decided to uncor
the coil by pulling out the crocodil
with the help OF steam winch and
hawser.
"The python presented somewhs
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1904-04-21
WANTS HIS MONEY BACK,
AGED Man Finds That He Placed Con-
Edence in Wrong Person.

AGED man FinuS tHas ''S
fidence in Wrong Person.
San Francisco, April 2O--Thinking
that he was too i'll and feeble to live
much longer aged Patrick Lafferty con-
v,nced himself that In young Alfred
Donigan he had friend, and ne nag
his slender bank account of 5000 trans
ferred to Donigan's name with the
understanding that the boy shoVaa
draw out such sums as he needed but
could not go TO the bank to get
But never a cent was drawn out Tor
Lafferty and in desperation ne went 70
the sherlff's once and reported his
plight 1t happened that Judge Low
was there and out of sympathy he at
once became interested In Lafferty's
behalf, and today had the young man
before Police Judge cabaniss on a
search warrant Judge cabaniss said
II was evident to him that the young
man and his mother had not been
acting properly, and ordered the bank
book assigned TO Lafferty, who did NOT
have cent In his pocket
, 1atfery went to live with he Doni-
gans, and had s5S In cash. The boS
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1904-04-21
Talk Of Arbitration Agreement
With Other Countries Pleases
Them.
COMMENDED BY LAWYER.
Matter viii he Brought to the
Attention Of Legal Men
nj Convention to Be
Held I'm Vt. Louis.

London. April 2O.--The general coun-
ell OF the bar Of England at the annual
meeting unanimously passed the fol-
lowing resolution proposed by Sir Ed
ward Clarke. former solicitor general;
"This meeting expresses strong APP
proyai of the conclusion BY this coun-
try OF treaties Of arbitration with other
countries and also Of the manifesto
lions in Canada and the United States
in favor OF similar treaty between
this country and the United States.
This meeting trusts that the general
council Of the bar will take advantage
OF every opportunity Of cooperating
with the legal authorities Of Canada
and the United States for the attain
ment OF the object"
! A suggestion was made that Attor'
ney General Sir Robert B. Finlay, OF
his forthcoming visit to the Unite'
states. should convey the resolution
to the congress Of lawyers to be hell
at st. Louis during the exposition
there.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1904-04-21

made out bill which totaled the ex-
act amount Lafferty had. Todaythe boy
-pfung another bin for ts7. saying the
joafd was SIS a week, although yes
,rday HIS mother had stated TO Judge
Low in the presence Of a policeman
that she had no further bills.
When Policeman Pyle went TO Mrs
Donigan's home With warrant Mrs
Donlgan denied all knowledge Of the
bank book, although Judge Low
showed her an order made out by tbs
boy and giving the exact location.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1904-04-21
CIVIL SERVICE BILLS
Office 10 Be Declared Vacant whsx
incumbent Reaches 70 Years

Washington, April 20.-The Isaas
committee on reform in the civii ssFv-
Ice authorized Chairman Giiiett to iH-
troduce bill providing that ON june ..
1907, every Office in the classified seFv-
ice Of the United States held by FER
con who is then over 10 years cid.
shall become vacant and that there
after such ofices shall become vaezns
when the incumbent becomes 10 years
old
The committee directed Mr.. Giliefa
to report all pending bills granting
pensions to civil employees OF the Ep#-
ernment to the house with the recsza-
mendation that they lie on The tzhze-
Also that he draft bill reclassifying
the clerical service OF the governznsnf
with view to providing for more fire.
quent promotions in the smaller
salaried positions
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1904-04-21

remarkable appearance after the sep
aration. II simply could not uncoil
itself and the animal men unrolled Il,
as they might a long barrel, back to
its box. Then they drove 1t, tail first,
into an opening, as II it had been a
corkscrew. 1t had relaxed yesterday
and looked just like any other python
320 feet long"
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1904-04-21
Injuries Not Serious But Painful.
Wounded Man Now En- Route
for Home.
TELLS STORY OF DISASTER
When Calamity Occurred CyTil
stood on Bridge and Ills sub.
seqnent Experience
Proved Exciting.

New York. April 2o.-Grand Duke
Cyril has just arrived here on bis way
to 1T. Ptersburg, says World dis
patch from Harbin. His injuries are
not severe. although he 10 suffering
from burns on the neck ands ear
caused BY the explosion on the Petro-
paviovHk and from bruises Of the back
and loins caused by the beating OF the
turbulent waves.
He gave the following story OF ms
escape, which was almost miraculous
At the moment Of the explosion on
the Petropavlovsk the grand duke was
on the bridge at the other end OF
which was Admiral Makaroif. II
seemed AZ II the world, the skies. tne
waters were suddenly rent asunder and
from the gulf arose devourins ciono
and binding flame, which burst Win
roar into acrid, suffocating fumes
seorched, blinded. choked, stunned
cvrii recovered consciousness sum
ciently 10 recognize that the Petropa-
vIoysk was settling down by the head
THE bodies OF the dead sailors were
floating from OFF the fcrecastle deck
which was awash. All around lay
wreckage Fallen tops hampered and
aealdlng steam cut of the grand dukes
escape by the companion way.
He falntly remembers that he rea-
lllzed the necessity Of making his way
Inf dlmly reasoning that there he was
more likely with some way stlll on the
shin TO clear the suction from her when
nhe sank He recalls clamboring down
from the bridge and making his way
along the deck through clouds Of steam
and masses Of debris.
He remembers ascending an incline
with the rising water. as II seemed
1 pursuing him into barbette In which
the water was already pouring with
such force that he was required to use
\ all the strength he could master to
!, battle his way out. However ne
1 reached d gun port and dived down ana
outward with all the force OF an ath"
letlc and practiced swimmer his
,emnles we're bursting with the effor'
of retaining his breath. Then ne strueA
inward. Al last the light came ane
he reached the air. While he fillet
hIs lungs he supported himself on
niece Of noating wreckage which NJ
seized and to which he assisted anothe
struggling swimmer.
Then the grand duke looked arouh'
for the Petropaviovsk. She was not .
he seen, The sea was quite calm an
! except for the gentle rise and fall Q
the woodwork to which he was cling
ing with his companion, he was duit
! motionless. There remained only FEY
swimmers. some floating wreckage an
! corpses. The grand duke estimate
that he was In the water about on
| minute and forty seconds before reacn
| Ing safety,
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1904-04-21

scrofula. salt fneufn, eFySlpslH9 "'''
other distressing eruptiYe diseases
yield quickly and permanently 70 the
cleansing. purifying power of Basdoek
Blood Blstera.
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-09-02
JUST ONE DAY
Free From the sIusaer Brought Out
Fact

Free From the sIusaer Brought Out
Fact
During the time 1 was a coffee
drinker," says an Iowa woman, Il was
nervous, had spells with my heart.
smothering spells, headache, stom-
ach trouble, liver and kidney trouble.
I did not know for years what made
me have those spells I would fire.
Quently sink away as though my last
hour had come.
For q years I suffered thus and
used bottles Of medicine enough TO set
up a drug store-capsules and pills
and everything I heard Of Spent
lots Of money but I was sick nearly
all the time. Sometimes I was so
nervous could not hold a plate IN
my hands! and other times thought
I would surely die sitting at the table.
This went on until about two years
ago when one day 1 did not use any
coffee and I noticed was not 50 nerT-
Gus and told my husband about #
He had been telling me that II might
be the coffee but I said No, I have
been drinking coffee All my Life ana
e cannot be- But after this thought
J would try and do without and drink
hot water ! did this for several days.
but got tired Of the hot water and
went 70 drinking coffee and IS soon
As began coffee again was nervous
again This proved that It was the
coffee that caused my troubles.
We had tried Postum but had net
made Il right snd did not ike Il, but
now I decided to give It another trial
80 I read the directions On the pack
age carefully and made Il after these
directions and It was simply delicious.
50 We quit coffee for good and the re-
suits are wonderful Before, 7 could
not sleep but now I go to bed and
sleep sound, am not a bit nervous
now, but work hard and can walk
miles. Nervous headaches are gone.
my heart does not bother ne any
more Ike It did and 1 don't have any
Of the smOtherfng spells and would
Jon believe Il? am getting fat. We
drink Postum now and nothing else
and even my husbands headaches
hare disappeared; We both sleep
sound and healthy nov and that's 3
Blessing" Name given By Postum
Co, Battle Greek. Mich
Look for the book, The Road e
E7sIFiIis "a each pkg
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-09-02
Anprered Preserlptlen.

Sufferer have a terrible tooth
tehe. and want something to cure It
Friend-EOE, you don't need any
medicine had a tOOthache yester-
lay, and went home, and ny loving
wife kissed ne and so cOnsOled ne
nat the pain soon passed away. Why
Ion't you DO the same2
SuFereT-I think I viii Is your
Fffe home noW2-AIbany Journal
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-09-02

Yeast-You remember that fellow
who used to sit next to the landlady
at the table2
CrimsOnbeak-Oh yes.
well. some weeks ago. I noticed
whenever We had chicken he'd never
get the neck"
Paid up, you think?"
No; I discovered he was engaged
to be married 60 the landlady."
81 seei"
But what puzzles me is that now,
whenever We have chicken, he never
gets anything but the neck"
That's easy. They're evidently mar
ried."
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-09-02

took tEenty-four boxing Ieseo1z =
said the nan with the broken acss.
and then went on the -Oad vita q
lightning rod outfit.t Whenever SIX OF
eight young farmers get together the
faTorite pastime IS 70 Gun hats. and
there Is q good deal Of rough play over
it found such a crowd IN store in
3 village one day, and after q certain
young man, who seemed as awkward
as q hippOpotamus, but who had the
strength Of q bull, had sent al hats
flying, I squared on before him 70
take him down a peg.
Never mind my hat said I, but
haul OF and drive at my face
But III kill you If / land On you
he replied.
can
HE hauled or and swung for ne.
I calculated to duck or side-step. but
skipped 3 cog somewhere, and his
mighty fist landed on the bridge of
my nose and knew 10 more for two
hours. I have had a hundred oppor-
tunities since to put on the gloves and
show my science. but I have turned
them all down The very sight OF q
boxing glove sets my ears to roaring
and my head TO Whirling. and before
1 know II my legs are walking me
around the corner"
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-09-02
Mrs. HIe,Iiy,vedIe conpIsi0t

What VIII We have for dinner
dear?" said Mrs Newlywed to heI
husband as he started for the once.
On make your own selection.
sweetheart" he replied, giving her q
fO1d earesss as young husbands viii
But, George. dear. we had roast
pork Monday, roast lamb tuesday and
roast beef last night"
"WeII2"
Why can't they invent some more
animals? It's so hard to choose from
lust those three.
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-09-02

Even the beef strike is no excuse
for q boarding house serving beans
four times = week. a boiled dinner
twice q week and FISH balls on Friday
Worcester Telegram
And now we presume the Telegram
editor wiz send a marked copy to his
landlady.
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-09-02
Bv Doctor,e Ad,ira

Excuse me, Softly" remarked Pen
Tennis curiOusIy, how is it you al
ways wind up your watch Immediately
after dinner?"
For the bsnefs Of my health. You
zee, my doctor has recommended me
always to take a little exercise after
iinner."
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-09-02

You know Jones. who was rePuted
. rfch9 Wei, he died the other day
md the only thing he Ieft was an old
Dutch clock"
wei. there's one good thing about
+, 1t wont be much trouble 70 wind
, his estateg7
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-09-02
After Lac Auto AeeIdent.

Mother-Oh, doctor, if you trepan
my boys skull and put in a silver
plate what effect win it have on his
mentality
SurgeOn-Well, ma'am, his brain
nay perhaps be clouded, but the cloud
will have a silver lining.-Judge.
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-09-02
Retter PIan Than -.

The young clergyman was under
The impression that there had been
some criticism because he preached
sxtempOraneOusly- do you think I
ought to write my sermOns?" he
asked.
NO" replied the sarcastic warden.
I think you ought to buy them
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-09-02

MarkeT-The spread Of the opium
labit is something terrible. am told
hat women Of the highest class have
been seen going into the opium joints.
Parker-Oh, that's all nonsense.
Ladies Of fashion go to such places
TO watch the Cinnamon use chop
sticks. They want to learn how to
eat soup with a fork New York
Weekly.
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-09-02

At q cost Of more than $1,1O0, 600,
The three miles Of lofty sea wall that
IS hereafter 10 keep destroying tidal
waves out Of Galveston was completed
last week. And it is pluck that pays.
for GslvestOn's ocean trade was never
so great as now.
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-09-02
Ideal Laborers.

She-What gave you nervous pros
ration?
Weary Will-OverwOrk, mum.
She-I never heard Of a tramp over
working himself.
Weary WILL s'pose not, mum.
They be generally too tired to tell
If it.
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-09-02

When the ONCE boy learns that he
is expected to be diligent, neat, quiet,
unobtrusive, Obliging, modest, accu-
rate and attentive, he begins TO think
So is not very big pay after au.-BOs
ton Home Journal
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-09-02
Bevond Him.

See that cOlOred man wrinkling his
brow over that bOOk?"
Yes, he can't read it at all"
"Just making a BLUM that he's edu-
Gated, eh?'
ooh, no; he's educated, but that's
\ negro dialect story"
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-09-02

A physician advises everybody to
spend all the time he can in the open
air. If rents and living expenses con-
tinue to 90 up a good many Of US will
have to spend all Of our time there.
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-09-02

The chairman OF q weH-knOWn
South African gold-mining company
greatly amused the shareholders at a
meeting by announcing that q certain
resolution was carried unanimously
With one dissent"
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-09-02
Algerian Footwear.

Leather shoes are seldom worn IN
Algeria By the natives OF Arabian de
scent Their footwear consists OF
pieces Of camel's hide bound on the
feet with thongs, or Of sandals Of
braided twine.
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-09-02

Be careful where you throw your
matches The wealth that was wiped
out last year in fires would have hired
the labor OF half a million OF men for
a year at $50 a month each
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-09-02

It is to be hoped that the bust that
the young Russian woman sculptor is
making OF Mark Twain viii be as ar
tistic in all respects as some Of the
other busts with which Mark has been
connected.
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-09-02

Gen. Jiminez is reported to have
returned to SantO Domingo. If this
is so it will be necessary to keep the
Santo Domingo telegraph office open
at night again
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-09-02

That ten-year-Old boy who hanged
himself because he was compelled to
get up early in the morning might nOt
have been worth the piece Of rope he
used had ne lived a few years longer.
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-09-02

A typewriter girl in the patent Of
fee has copied $4,000 words in seven
hOUrs-a worlds record All wise type
writer maids will admire her speed
and prefer their own.