The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1904-07-16

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she says she is very fond Of mu.
Sic' 1nstrumental2" well, it's In
Srumental in making the neighbors
swear when she gets at the piano.
Exchange. RI
'1nk1ns-How is your son getting
along In his literary laborsH Jorkins
-oh' famously! You should see how
gracefully he carries his pen behind
MS ear.-Boston Transcript.
Tonsorial Artist-Your hair seems
10 be coming out. Freshman-Yes, it
10. Tonsorial Art1st-Tried our hair
tonic? Freshman-Yes, but that didn't
10 It, though.-Yale Record.
How hollow it soundsv' said a pa-
uent under the movement cure, as the
physician was vigorously pounding his
cnest. "Oh, that's nothingg' said the
doctor; "wait till we get to the head"
Alice (aged 6)-Mamma, my appe-
Ute says it's time for dinner. Mother
We'll, dear, 60 and see what the
clock says. Alice (some seconds later
The clock says my appetite is ten
minutes fast!
Husband-What! A hundred dol
lars Tor an opera cloak2 Why, it is
perfectly ridiculous, my dear. Wife
1es' l know it is; but you said you
couldn't afford an expensive one.-Chi-
cago Daily News.
Teacher Johnny, write on the
blackboard the sentence 1.-TWO heads
are better than one" Now, Johnny,
do you believe that? Johnny-Yes'm.
Cause then you kin get a job in q
dime museum and make lots O.
money.
"At what age do you consider wom-
en- the most charming7" asked the In
QuisitiVe female Of more or less I'M
certain age. "At the age of the wom-
an who asks the question" answered
the man, who was a APPROXIMATELY
Yorker.
Howes-Don't like this cold wealth
er, Ell? Why, only last summer you
were complaining Of the heat Barnes
Not Of the heat itself, but rather be-
cause Of its untimeliness. It would be
all right If reserved for such weatheg
az th!s.-Boston Transcript.
"You may turn up your nose at me,
Martha Ann Billiwink, but I want you
to remember it's leap year, and Kit
Garlinghorn Is trying to get me away
from you" "Well, I'll just show the
freckle-faced thing she can't do that
George dearP'-Chicago Tribune.
Father" said Kathie, show much
does a quite small bottle Of ink costT''
"You can get one for a penny" an
swered father. "a penny" exclaimed
Kathie. in great disgust. "And num-
ME made an awful fuss when / upset
ahe nttlest bottle in the cupboardw
aren't you ashamed Of your lndo-
lence " Indeed, am" answered
MeaDdering Mike. "I've been trying
to do something for it" "WhatT'
ave been takin' de faith cure. I've
been chopin make-believe wood wit
an imaginary ax."-Washington Star.
Newitt-Well, there's one thing
about the weather. It's always a safe
topic Of conversation. Borroughs-I
thought it was to-day when l met
Lendham, but when started to speak
Of 1t he said, Eyes, it's unsettled. and
that reminds me Of that account Of
yours"
Dear" said the politicians wife,
there's a handsome big policeman
whose beat embraces Mrs. Swellman's
house. Can't you get him transferred
to this neighborhoodT what forT'
demanded her husband. "Mrs. Swell
man has an excellent cook and want
her."-PhIladelphia Press.
The officers Of a British man-o'-war
were entertaining their friends with a
grand lunch and in attendance were
some typical British tars. A young
lady, wanting a piece Of bread looked
behind her chair at one Of the sailors
in waiting, and asked him to bring her
what she wanted. But he drew him
self up, stin and stern, and, to her
amazement, replied, Cant do 1t, miss;
I'm told of for taturs."
An Up-to-Date Village.-"Do you
have a good lecture course here during
the winter" was asked Of the manager
of the HiggInsville Lyceum. Indeed
we do" he answered; land next season
we expect to Guido all previous records.
So far we have booked one ransomed
missionary, one reformed gambler, one
troupe Of trained animals, one convert
ed heather, one moving picture ma
chine and one professional personator.
We may take on college professor who
wants to speak about the tendency of
modern literary thought, but I don't
know. It's pretty hard to keep the
course on the same high plane OF
thought throughout. Judge.
The Other Side Of the Story: Sim
the trouble, old man;
YOU look all broke up. Wederly-You
would doubtless look broke up, too, If
YOU had q mother-in-law like mine,
and She singleton-Hal The old,
old story; she's coming to spend a few