Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1904-04-23
JoBsoN HAS THE GRIP

L
Jopson emitted his latest burst OF eIo-
| quenee on the subject of the disease
| known as the grip. Mrs. Jobson had the
grip then. Mr.. Jobson seized the occa-
sion when the medical man was making
one OF his calls to advance his theories
concerning the grip. Mr.. Jobson took
the view, then, as he had been taking it
LOT good many years-for he had never
peen doubled up by the grip himself
that the grip, or influenza, was a purely
imaginary disease.
You medical sharps." said Mr.. Jobson
20 the doctor attending Mrs. Jobson, who
mad been acquainted with the Jobsons for
q good many years, find the public pref
easy picking when the cold weather's
| on don't your?
oh, the public's pretty easy for us all
the time, Jobson, replied the medical
man. good-naturedly.
All you've got to do" went on Mr. Job
son, when fellow feels kind O. measly
ana out OF sorts, is to look him over for
aDout nalf minute and then get your
tsn profundo voices working while you
I'll MN that he's got the grip Then
you've got the poor idiot for a GOOD thin1
os your stan of patients for any space
VI lime from couple Of weeks to two
iat h;,,s ana when you finally consent to
&c. nim get up-although there's never been
aahysnlns the matter with him worth men
.ioHing-you have actually succeeded in
eeonvncing him that he's really been
through sure-enough sickness. and he
more than turns handsprinos in order 70
sauare up that ~ the visit thing that you
soak him for"
Easiest thing imaginable for us, Job
son, SAID the doctor, smiling indulgently
suppose, went on Mr. Jobson chat
at d moderate computation. there are about
zen mihion men and women in the United
oates TINS AFTERNOON who are suffering
mentai and physical torture simply because
tney nave been led to suppose by you crafty
practitioners Of medicine that they are In
the embrace OF that dreadful scourge that
you call the grip. And the truth is that
the only thing that ails the most of EN- is
tnat tney We been sitting in draught and
nave lnslgnincant colds in the head or
Iney re suffering from torpidity of the liver.
| owing TO the confinement incident to the
severe winter, or they've been eating and
drinking too much, or some such absurd
tnne: But you've got 'em all to believing
way down deep in them that they're being
prayed upon by billions in influenza bac-
tefia or microbes. or whatever you call the
wrigg1y things"
1T was doctor, Jobson. who invented
that phrase about one of those good things
Deing born every minute" cheerfully got
back the medical man, as he took his leave.
About ten days ago Mr.. Jobson began to
! .S,S noiiow-eyed and to complain Of that
Don't know what the dickens has got
into me-" he growled at the breakfast table
one morning. 'butH feel as If I'd been on
without f1ve-minute intermission. for four
years Bones all ache as If I was ten
years old and growing an Inch q month,
my hearing is so bad that can't even hear
one minute and feel as If I've gone to pur
gatory the next, my head feels as heavy
as two dozen of kind of muffin that I've
| tasted not two thousand miles from here,
and, in general, I'd sell myself at public
auction. without reserve, and bid re-
fused. at starting price of half Jap
yen with hole in It,"
Probably" said Mrs. Jobson, cautiously
you have taken cold
Gold nothing said Mr.. Jobson. out Of
hand-it Is one of the mean characteristics
of the grip that it affects its victims MEM
cries and renders them absurdly incon-
sistent. 81 know what's the matter with
me. I've got the grip. that's what I've
got
1.-The wha.?" stammered Mrs. Jobson,
amazed at this startling change of opinion
even on the part of Mr.. Jobson within
such a brief space of time.
':The grip, grip" snapped Mr.. Jobson.
looking her square in the eye. Ever hear
of the grip? Perhaps you'd rather called
it la grippe, or the influenza, the dis
easicus cussitavus or something. But
whatever you'd prefer to hear 1t called.
guess it's pretty good thing for you that
I've kept that life insurance policy paid up
all of these years. / don't see my way
out of this grip thing. Kills sIathers and
their weakest spot, wherever that may be.
and when that happens it's all up with
en-"
But said Mrs Jobson, in spite of her
SELF didn't you say, only about three
weeks ago, when 1 was first taken with the
grip, that there was no such thing, and that
it was purely imaginary, and didn't you tell
the doctor himself that all of the members
of his profession were frauds and fakes
because they taught people to believe that
there was such thing as the grip, and
Mr.. Jobson didn't flare up in his accus-
toned way. He had been gazing compass
sionately into Mrs. Jobsons face ever since
she had begun to speak, and now he did a
very peculiar thing. He took her face be-
tween his hands and Stroked her cheeks
tenderly.
> 'Poor GIRL he muttered, "the grip GER
tainly has left you in bad way. I had
heard that it affected peoples minds in that
way, but l never saw Ii illustrated so be-
fore. So you dreamed, Ell. that had said
that there was no such thing as grip, and
the dream has now taken the form of
fixed idea in your mind? Poor old girl;
you need a change, all right, to get these
grip-implanted Authorizations out of your
mind, and as soon as you get through
patching me up and pull me through my lit
tie dose of the grip I'm going to take you
off for little trip-I sure am"
Mrs Jobson telephoned for the doctor, for
she knew that any time Mr.. Jobson passed
up such royal chance for an argument
and growl he was honest-and-truly under
the weather.
well, old chap said the medical man,
busting into the room half an hour later.
what seems to be the matter with you,
hey?'
Got the grip, doc" replied Mr.. Jobson,
ruefully, turning over in bed.
The doctor gave gasp of surprise. Then
he smiled at Mrs. Jobson and, as very old
friend, he also winked at her.
by the way he said, "Jobson, when
did you begin to admit the existence of such
a thing as the grip?
"Oh. bout yesterday or the day before
yesterday when l got it myself family re-
piled Mr.. Jobson, with, for him. superhuman
candor.
And ever since that hour although Mr..
Jobson isn't really in any bad way at ALL
Mrs. Jobson has been fearing that he isn't
long for this world.