The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1904-04-19

Al1s
TIE NONPAREJL MAN
"The Reef Of BordwelI's Woe"--sudden
Judgment overtakes Colonel Lewis
6ordWeII OF Lttchville, N. D.-cliff Rich
Executes a Long Crawl Thru a Swamp
and Makes a Fine Killing of the Edi-
tors canvasback Ducks.
Colonel Lewis Bordwell is one Of the
heavy men of LitchvilIe, N. D. In the
springtime, like all other Litchvillains,
he wears rubber boots. The other day
thirty or forty pounds of rich, black Da-
kota prairie soil adhered to Colonel
Bordwell's rubber-clad extremities, and
the Litchville Bulletin with some appre-
hension watched him wade out into POST
office pond to wash it off. He kicked and
splashed until he reached depth that
came perilously near running over the
tops and then turned to go out. But the
bottom was icy and Lewis sat down with
a CELEBRITY and violence that made the wa
ter rise to alevel of the postoffice window
sill and spattered mud as far as the front
Of the. Methodist church.
s. Colonel BOrdWeu is wearing his Sunday
clothes right along now, but he is too
husky to joke with much.
Then there is another good one" oil
Cliff Rich, sfour popular druggist at
LitchviEe, who went duck hunting last
week, accompanied by DR.. Claybaugh. AT
the art>sian well pond Cliff observed a
flock Of fine hooking ducks. There was no
way of sneaking up on them except by
crawling thru the water and mud a good
quarter of a mile. Doc held the horse
and Rich executed q long crawl for the
ducks. Oh, he was a foxy lad! He got
within seVenty-flve feet and the ducks did
not fly. They were punched. He then let
fly both barrels of his howitzer and
Knocked holes into a half dozen canvas
decoys that the Litchville Bulletin editor
was watching with cooked gun from a
neighboring thicket. When the two par
ties rose up from the nre and looked at
each other there was not, a dry eye in the
vicinity and the hoarse boot of Doc Clay
baugh was heard in the distance. OF
Ecourse the editor had to zap about il
and Cliffs soda fountain has already had
two hot boxes from distributing free
drinks to q joyous populace.
The paper trust Is unfortunate in that
it is milking a crowd that can put up an
awful "holler" without its costing them
very much.
An investigating committee says that
Senator Dietrich never did it." Perhaps
not, but the fact that he is training with
that crowd is against him.
| The name Of Miss Patterson, formerly
| Of the United States, is now Countess
| Gizycki, which reminds us that the sody
| fountain is about due to sizzle.
The Evaleth Mining News says thai
how to get the lumberjack's money with
out giving him the run of the town is q
problem that Virginia merchants have
been trying to solve. Z
The Boston Globe quotes the boys
diary for almost any day in April: "To.
day it snode."
Nearly everybody has liking for q
good dog, but we all bow before the in.
| scrutable mystery of bologna sausage
Town and Country denies that faitI
| is dying out. It says:
They say that faith is dying out,
| And so we have been told,
! But yet consider the amount
| OF hair restorer sold!
Every baldheaded man has faith at leas
once in his career-when he is using tn,
| first bottle.
1 The Sank Center Herald muses. in {
1 surprised way and notes how curious 1t il
4 that a dime looks SO much bigger whe,
you drop it into the contribution box thar
| when you drop it on cigar stand coun
ter. A large number Of men who dali,
contribute to the cigar stand joyously con
slider that they are pillars Of the com
munity and buttresses Of public moraIit.
when they grudgingly drop a dime int
the church plate. We tremble for thei
future.
There ought to be some way Of knock
ing off the top dot of the colon
bacillus and SO bringing him to a fu
i stop
Dairy and Food Commissioner Warre
Of Philadelphia, a physician and a chem
list, has been Analysing the liquors sol
in saloons in that city, and has found i
several samples small quantities Of WOO
alcohol, glycerin and red pepper Ac
cording to DR.. Warren's report, it is tn
practice Of certain saloonkeepers to TAX
pure whisky from the original package
''blend" it-that is, adulterate it, frs
diluting it with water to cheaper it, an
then adding alcohol, pepper and co1orin
matter to deceive the not too critics
drinker-and bottle it under label G
: their own. He does not suppose tina
wood alcohol is directly introduced, bu
that it is produced by chemical reactio
: due to other adulterating compounds.
these outrages continue and spread GU
saloons will yet become as dangerous a
; our grocery stores.
! If we printed the Towner County Demo
crat at Cando, N. D., we should expect t
get shot at. Last week the Democrat ha
: write-up of Major Britain, a successfl
! auctioneer, in which the harpoon of wi
was thrown in a way that sometimes call
! for pistols, and coffee. For instance:
. Frank Robson usually accompanies Mr.. Bri
{ tain at his sales clerk. Mr.. Robson ht
all the qualifications necessary to make an e:
/ ce1lent clerk. He is alert quick at figures
| good penman, and has the necessary knowlede
, of law and legal forms. He can also do
stunt at the criers stand while fatty is Q
getting drink.
. Coming back to our first subject-wed lii
{ to tell how we got Jim's picture mixed up wi
\ that Of Ross, the fellow that was hung at BE
: tineau but we don't like to presume too mu
on the heavyweights good nature.
Since reading the Democrat we hal
r been anxiously watching the telegraph
e news from the north. No casualties yet.
"A. j. R.