The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1904-08-21

dead broke said the man with
the diamond headlight and ag-
gressive manner. as he squirted car
bonie water into his second highbaII.
L tell you there is no such thing. I ad-
nit a man may be hard up but dead
broke-never.
L have been hard up myself. Last
year. before I noated the corporation
for the manufacture Of fuel briquettes
out OF the cOrpses Of mosquitoes caught
on the Hackensack meadows, was 50
hard up that had to sit on a bench in
Madison Square on summer afternoons
wearing my tau hat and frock coat.
II you can think Of any stronger proof
of poverty than that I'd like TO know
1t.
But dead broke? Not I. Not on
your life
Hardupness is a phase of life a
mere transitOry condition. Deadbroke-
ness is a finality. 1t involves an evolu-
ton Of character
The dead broke man must have
completely lost his bearings. for if ne
hadn't he would take advantage Of
some Of the chances that life holds out
every hour, and he would no longer be
dead broke. I've been down TO my last
nickel a dozen times, and here 1 am.
Yes, remember one morning when
1 didn't want TO awake, because I
hadn't the price OF a breakfast When
i heard something slipped under my
room door / shuddered, for I thought
II was the landlady's ultimatum
It wasn't, however; IL was a letter
from my roOmmate-I'H just call him
Bill He had gone west with the prod
uct or a long shot at Sheepshead: he
had landed as consulting engineer in a
cheap mine-he was a Columbia man
and he wrote me that he wasn't COM
ing back and asked me TO give his old
clothes TO the negro who beat carpets
and shined the roOmeTs' shoes in the
house
I looked over the stuff: it was lust
rubbish. and as I was afraid TO stay in
1oG fear the landlady Mould come uD
1 dressed and went out ] had hardly
reached the steps when I heard the
magic words, Any old CLOSE to shell?'-
You see the point? Bills castaRays
meant brea kfast. dinner and supper
that day j got SL34 for them. and the
next day something real turned up, l
forgot what.
IN give you another example. One
sunday afternoon, when 1 was too blue
and too hungry even 10 go 10 church.
J wandered aimlessly over to the far
West Side, where the storehouses and
lumber yards are-Twenty-fft or
near The river. The block seemed de-
serted and / was trying 10 remember
some one / could sponge on for din
ner- when dollar bill, = real. genuine.
legal tender dollar bin, came flying out
from behind a lumber pile right 10 my
feet
Il picked ii up with an unconscious
mental reveTsiOn TO Elijah. when a doz-
en- young tOughs of is or 20 came tuTn-
bling from behind the lumber and run
ming al IRE with shouts of It's mine
mister, It's not his, it's mine!' Give
II 10 me. he's Jryin' to steal it,
Il was dazed. but ] had a sort Of in
spiration. held it tight in my clenched
INST and remarked in my most good
natured tone,
Il cant belong 10 all Of you. and I
can't tell who owns il. But I tell YOU
what I'll do. III turn il over TO this
policeman and let him settle who's 10
have it
Wen. sir, at the word policeman
they all looked around-a policeman
had really come around the corner
and they broke running in the other
direction and never stopped Til they
were cut Of sight.
The copper saw there was some
thing queer He came up to me pretty
briskly as / stood with the dollar in my
hand. I vas fairly well dressed, so he
asked me- If the gang had been holding
me up explained what had happened
and asked him what it meant. He Just
said;
Craps,
And what am to DO with the dol
lar?' I asked.
Well said he. If you're too good
10 live. you can put IL in the plate: but
ii ] were you I'd save 1T till tomorrow
and put il on pony. Il ought to be
lucky. Now III see you safe on a car
aad out OF sight. for I wouIdn't give
mush for your beauty II the gang
caught you with that dollar in your
clothes
Another day I was-wen not dead
broke. but ! hadn't carfare, or d hope
OF raising one. when a letter came from
a man ] knew down in Wall street.
asking me to join him at a place in
North Carolina and give him ny Opin-
ion Of the value OF a plantation he
thought Of buying.
tou know / was a country boy
from down that way, and I'm some
thing Of an expert. OF course nv friend
said something about the driving and
shooting, and hoped I could arrange
70 stay a week. Stay a week! The
market value Of nay time then was
about s. a lifetime. Then. as it was
business for him. he enclosed a return
ticket. and, with aI sorts OF apologies.
q ten-dollar bill 70 pay for sleepers,
which he could not negotiate AT his
way station.
ITS funny whaf fools we al are.
For half Bu hour was the biuest man
IN New York The chance vas gIoFi-
Gus. but how could a msD--sShe hadn't