Waterbury evening Democrat., 1904-02-04

HALT AN HOUR AHEAD OF TIME. evening A pack of mountain lions had given the carrier a run for it. We trust that the department will act upon the hint. Mr. Swift is coming up from Flor ence in couple of weeks to let day. light through us and end the reign of the czar of Arizona. At least, that's what his letter says, and we shall be at home when he calls and do our half of the shooting.
 We have had to kill two men, wound three and lick fourteen to get this postoffice into running order, but 1t is now down on the books of the inspect ors as the best conducted office in the territory. Postmasters come here from Idaho to learn how we do it.
 Tn returning from Cochise Place the other evening at midnight after having attended social function and borne off the palm, as usual, some concealed assassin fired seven shots at us and sent bullet through our three dollar hat. If he will call around some day, we will present him with the tile, as we have had to resort to our old cat skin.
 Shakespeare's Hamlet is booked for the Hellso Opera House every night next week, and we wish to say to the boys in advance that the stage director will have Hamlet dance three jigs and do a trapeze act and endeavor to come up to our standard of what stage hero ought to be. Don't begin shoot ing until he has chance to show what he can do.
 MT Johnson, the genial landlord of the Gray Wolf hotel, was compelled to shoot a guest named Warner the other day for finding fault with the holes in the tablecloth. He did 1t as gently as he could, however, and has agreed to pay half the doctors bill. It was the principle of the thing he looked at, and very correctly too. Per init one guest to hold up "holy" table cloth to scorn, and others would soon follow suit.
 The Pine Hill Banner is in error in saying that large audience hissed our essay on Columbus when delivered there one night last week. It was what we took for enthusiastic applause. We got out of the hall and into the saddle while it was still going, and if we were followed for mile and half by people on horseback it was that they might cheer our homeward way. We think we know as well as any other lecturer when we have made a hit or a miss of it.
 We are trying to give sort of twen- tieth century flavor to our paper by employing eastern journalists who happen along, but we confess to being somewhat discoura ged. They don't ex- actly grasp the western situation with both hands. There is a certain chic to this climate only to be understood by journalist who has been Abet at about dozen times.
 JlU !" uitDeck, alueIuldA LIOLA tue First ward, has been aching for some time to find out if his honor the mayor (who is ourself) was well up in "Cush- ing's Manual as president of the con- mon council. Last Friday evening be learned all he wanted to know. He was indulging in speech when there was no question before the house and was politely cautioned. He refused to heed the caution and planted himself on the broad platform of American liberty. His honor stepped down and took Jin and his platform and threw both downstairs in a heap. The alder man from the First had his shoulder dislocatcd and the funny bone of his elbow cracked in two places. If there is any other member of the council who doubts the mayors thorough fa- miliarity with "Cushings' he is free to experiment at any meeting.
 NJ. QUAD.