davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Springfield herald. (Springfield, Baca County, Colo.) 1887-1919, 1904-09-23

RACES IN Can TO ALBANY HOTEL.
Got a cab just to beat these men 10
this hotel. and it's funny You can't give
me a room. It's not my fault that the
cub broke down and I'm late here:
The man glared at Clerk Doty of the
Albany hotel last night.
I'VE must room people as they come
ito the desk" replied S. f. Dutton, one
of the proprietors.
I'll sue the cab company!' exclaimed
the man. ,
swered the clerk. ,
1t was n little comedy that caused
considerable laughter. The men regis
tering said that they had decided on
the incoming train thnt they would go
to the Albany and had remarked about
the hotel being crowded. The man, n
clothing salesman. had left. them at
the Union depot and had taken a cab
so as to beat them to the hotel. but
coming up Seventeenth street the cah
broke down. so that the others reached
the hotel on n car ahead of him.
The drummer finally saw the ludri-
cous side of 1t and said. Boys. guess
the drinks are on me- and they adj
journed to the Albany bar. where the
mishap ended UP in n very enjoyable
evening-Denver Republican.
The Springfield herald. (Springfield, Baca County, Colo.) 1887-1919, 1904-09-23

Room 10. Sl2 Kansas
Ave-. writes: IL used
Doan's Kidney Pills
during the past year.
for kidney trouble
and kindred ailments.
| was suffering from
pains in the back and
headaches. but found
after the use of ore
box of the remedy
that the troubles
gradually disappeared
SO that before l had
finished a secor d
package l was well.
!, therefore. heartily
endorse your RENE
dy." (Signed) Mrs.
c. E. Bumgardner.
The Springfield herald. (Springfield, Baca County, Colo.) 1887-1919, 1904-09-23

A travelling savings bank, estab-
lished in the north of France. ia an
electric motor carriage. carrying
small safe, desk made Of folding
shelves for deposhors and seats for
the driver, two clerks and cash
Ter. 1t journeys about the country
making shorts stops in the villages
on stated days to receive such sums
as the thrifty workfolk may be de.
'sirous of saving.
The Springfield herald. (Springfield, Baca County, Colo.) 1887-1919, 1904-09-23
RIGHT NOW

Is the time for the man who is renting,
or who Is tired of hail and alkali. rust
and long hauls to market to learn
about Romeo. where all the land is
close to railway, where there is no al
kali. no hail, good water rights, and
where potatoes pay. BIG MONEY. Easy
terms and low prices to experienced
Colorado farmers this season. The Con-
eJos County Land & Investment Com
pany. SIC Majestic Building. Denver
The Springfield herald. (Springfield, Baca County, Colo.) 1887-1919, 1904-09-23

Every housekeeper should know
that II they will buy Defiance Cold
Water Starch for laundry use they
will save not only time. because 1t
never sticks to the iron. but because
each package contains 16 Ozone full
pound-while all other Cold Water
starches are put up in Y pound pack
ages, and the price is the same. 10
cents. Then again because Defiance
Starch Ia free from all injurious chem
icals. II your grocer tries to sell you
12-oz. package 1t is because he has
q stock on hand which he wishes to
dispose of before he puts In Defiance.
He knows that Defiance Starch has
printed on every package in large let
tiers and figures "16 ozs." Demand
Defiance and save much time and
money and the annoyance of the iron
sticking. Defiance never sticks.
The Springfield herald. (Springfield, Baca County, Colo.) 1887-1919, 1904-09-23

There were thirty hacks drawn by
white horses in the Labor Day parade
at Denver this year and at least one
red headed girl in each carriage,
The Springfield herald. (Springfield, Baca County, Colo.) 1887-1919, 1904-09-23

why don't you get your life in
sured, my dear?" asked Mrs. Newed.
I'm afraid people might say l was
afraid to take chances on your cook
ing" replied the gallant young hus
hand
The Springfield herald. (Springfield, Baca County, Colo.) 1887-1919, 1904-09-23
TEA

One fingers long over tea,
if the tea is fine. 1t is a
good time and place to linger.
The Springfield herald. (Springfield, Baca County, Colo.) 1887-1919, 1904-09-23

Piso's Cure for Consumption is nm infallibl'
medicine for coughs md colds.-N. w. SAMUEL
Ocean Grove, N. j., Feb. IL, 1900
The Springfield herald. (Springfield, Baca County, Colo.) 1887-1919, 1904-09-23

should be in every household. none SO
good, besides 4 OF. more for 10 cents
than any other brand Of cold water
starch.
The Springfield herald. (Springfield, Baca County, Colo.) 1887-1919, 1904-09-23

New Mexico Democrats have nomin'
nted George p. Money for Congress
They doubtless think that everybody
wants money.
The Springfield herald. (Springfield, Baca County, Colo.) 1887-1919, 1904-09-23
Defiance Starch

The man who calls piano an "ag
ony box" probably lives In a nat with
people practicing on both sides of him
The Springfield herald. (Springfield, Baca County, Colo.) 1887-1919, 1904-09-23

Aliens Foot.Ease, Wonderful Remedy.
"Have tried ALIENS FOOT-EASE, and
find it to be a certain cure, and gives com
fort to one suffering with sore, tender and
swollen feet. / will recommend ALIENS
FOOT-EASE to my friends, as it Is
certainly wonderful remedy.-Mrs. N.
II. Guilford, New Orleans. La"
The Springfield herald. (Springfield, Baca County, Colo.) 1887-1919, 1904-09-23

Tho genius who invented the hairpir
must have Hroaned when he thought OF
the centuries that had waited for hin
in vain.
The Springfield herald. (Springfield, Baca County, Colo.) 1887-1919, 1904-09-23

is because made by an entirely differ.
ent process. Defiance Starch is un-
like any other. better and one-third
more for 10 cents.
The Springfield herald. (Springfield, Baca County, Colo.) 1887-1919, 1904-09-23

.Dr. David Kennedy's Fayorits Remed ~
rave me prompt md complete relief from
liver cement" u 7. Trowbridse, Harlem i~fs'
The Springfield herald. (Springfield, Baca County, Colo.) 1887-1919, 1904-09-23

Some men will never miss the water
IL the beer holds out.
The Springfield herald. (Springfield, Baca County, Colo.) 1887-1919, 1904-09-23

If the toughs were all arrested .ou
jails would be filed with beefsteaks.
The Springfield herald. (Springfield, Baca County, Colo.) 1887-1919, 1904-09-23

Mrs, windows Soothing Syrnp.
For children tecthing softens the gums rcfnscs m
nammaton aisys palm cures wind collie. sc bottle.
The Springfield herald. (Springfield, Baca County, Colo.) 1887-1919, 1904-09-23

Write for knowledge Book, A Sehiuinz q
Company. San Francisco.
The Springfield herald. (Springfield, Baca County, Colo.) 1887-1919, 1904-09-23

man who probably knows says
that there is no meal so expensive as
free lunch.
The Springfield herald. (Springfield, Baca County, Colo.) 1887-1919, 1904-09-23

II suppose" said Homer. that you
would not take its weight in gold for
that baby of yours. eh?" "Of course
not" answered Newpop. What would
be the use in selling out at ,cost?"
The Springfield herald. (Springfield, Baca County, Colo.) 1887-1919, 1904-09-23

An engagement ring is Il girls idea
of u round of pleasure.
The Springfield herald. (Springfield, Baca County, Colo.) 1887-1919, 1904-09-23

A man applying for life insurance
was asked by the examiner whether
his father died a natural death. mo.
SIR" was the reply. "he had two doc
tors and trained nurse"
The Springfield herald. (Springfield, Baca County, Colo.) 1887-1919, 1904-09-23

Smokers find Lewis "Single Binder ~
1Oc brands. Lewis Factory, Peoria, Ill.
The Springfield herald. (Springfield, Baca County, Colo.) 1887-1919, 1904-09-23

Annabel-Do you believe in long en-
gagements? Amaryllis-l peieVe III
any kind.
The Springfield herald. (Springfield, Baca County, Colo.) 1887-1919, 1904-09-23

Strange to relate. many n corpora
ton has been sunk by Its hoatlnS
debts
The Springfield herald. (Springfield, Baca County, Colo.) 1887-1919, 1904-09-23

The Murine Eye Ucmedy Co., Chicago. send HOE
Eve Book free. Write them about your eyes
The Springfield herald. (Springfield, Baca County, Colo.) 1887-1919, 1904-09-23

A FREE TRlAL~Address Foster
Milburn Co., Buffalo. N. Y. For sale
by all dealers. Price, 90 cts.
The Springfield herald. (Springfield, Baca County, Colo.) 1887-1919, 1904-09-23
And that isn't all.

Writ. for our Kno~lsds. Boo1. A Settling 4
Company, San Franeiace.
The Springfield herald. (Springfield, Baca County, Colo.) 1887-1919, 1904-09-23

All Up-to-pate Housekeepers
use Defiance Cold Water Starch, be-
cause it is better. and 4 OF. more of 1t
for same money.
The Springfield herald. (Springfield, Baca County, Colo.) 1887-1919, 1904-09-23

There are very few rows in the fam
lily where the man always says the
only coffee he can drink without get
ting indigestion is at home,
The Springfield herald. (Springfield, Baca County, Colo.) 1887-1919, 1904-09-23
A QUICK RECOVERY.

A Prominent Officer Of the Order =
Rebeceas writes to THANK Ooan's
Kidney Pills for II.
Mrs. c. E. Bumgardner. local ON
Ger of the Rebeccas, of Topeka. Kans.,
The Springfield herald. (Springfield, Baca County, Colo.) 1887-1919, 1904-09-23
TEA

The indulgence in tea is
SO very slight, that the pleas
ure escapes attention, unless
The Springfield herald. (Springfield, Baca County, Colo.) 1887-1919, 1904-09-23
TEA

This is a better country
because we are in it-tea
country.
The Springfield herald. (Springfield, Baca County, Colo.) 1887-1919, 1904-09-23
How Another Sufferer Was Cured.

eEn ao os s @s s 9Is s ss % and
aNSJ E.Fi ham
The Springfield herald. (Springfield, Baca County, Colo.) 1887-1919, 1904-09-23

one waits a bit.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1904-02-05
BRIDEGROOM WAS NERVOUS.
He Thought the Parson Was In Toe
Big q Hurry for the We'd
ding Fee.

Rt. Rev. DR.. Leighton Coleman, bish-
OPP of Delaware, told the following story,
says the Philadelphia Telegraph, to some
friends in town. whom he was visiting re-
Gently:
"A young man came up to NE one day
with the remark: Bishop, l want you to
marry me on next Wednesday,
Cali right; III marry YOU
"sWell, / want, the church bell to ring
Yes, you can have the bell runs.
"'Well, I want the organ to play
can right, you can have the organ.
"'And l want everything else anybody
ever had at church wedding
You shall have it.
"Well, the night came, the bell rang,
the organ played, the church was, crowd
ed, and everything went off rs the young
man wanted it. When the ceremony was
over the young couple waited, instead of
leaving the chancel. So held out my
hand. shook hands with, the bride, and
then held out my hand to the bridegroom.
He had his hand deep in his trousers
pocket. and as / stood with my hand out,
he said 7 somewhat impatiently, and in
tone that could be heard all over the
church:
:. I'm getting the money out just y
fast as can.
Then everybody in the church siggled."
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1904-02-05

Frauds I'm Watch Cases.

According to an article in the Cincin.
natl Commercial, q fifty:one pound stone
was recently found in that city secreted
in a bale of hay of eighty pounds.
This is not as bad as finding lump of
lead of nearly one-half the weight of the
solid gold watch case secreted in the cen
ter of the case.
Gold watch cases are sold by weight,
and no one can see where this lead il
secreted until the springs Of the case are
taken out and the lead will be found se-
creted behind them.
These cases are made by companies who
profess to be honest but furnish tho
means to the dishonest to rob the pub.
lie. 1t is not pleasant for anyone to find
that he has lugged lump of lead in his
watch case.
Another trick. the makers of spurious
case ~. S. Assay" The United States
does not stamp any article made out of
gold and silver except coin, and the fakir,
public believe that the government had
something to do with the stamping or
guaranteeing the fineness of watch cases.
Another trick of the watch fakir is to
advertise a watch described as solid
gold filled watch with twenty or twenty
ive-year guarantee. These watches are
generally sent C. o. D., and if the pur-
chaser has paid for the watch, he finds
that the Company which guaranteed the
watch to wear Is not in existence.
The Dueber- Hampden Watch Company
of Canton, Ohio, who are constantly ex
posing these frauds, will furnish the
names of the manufacturers who are IN
this Questionable business.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1904-02-05

Ii Had . Cover and = Handle ana
His Father Got Beer N
~ "'' ',1, Il N IL. gAE .s.E II y%S q.

One day Miss Bailey brought her Shel'
ley down, relates a writer IN Mcclure 8,
and read his lode to the Skylark." w.
Now, don't you think that's pretty
thing?' she asked. "Did you hear how
the lark went singing, bright and clear,
up and up and up into the blue sky",.
The children were carefully attentive,
~ ever, but not responsive. Morris Mo,
gilewsk1 felt that he alone understood
the mature of this story. 1t was meant
to amuse; therefore it was polite that
one should be amused.
Teacher FOOLS" he chuckled. "Larks
amt singin' in Skies"
How do you know" asked Miss
"'Cause we got a lark by our house.
It's a from tin lark NIT cover"
"A tin lark! With a covert" Miss
Bailey exclaimed. Are you sure, dear,
that you know what you are talking
rs bssa% defiSsrate tel an: my papa, he 6s.
a lark. It's from tin lark init q cover.
Und it's got handle, too. Und my papa
he takes it all times on the store for
buy lark of beer"
"Lager beer! o.. shade Of Shelleyw'
She only said: mo, my dear, l wasn't
reading. about lager beer. A lark is q
little bird" - -.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1904-02-05

A BALLAD.

The Plaintiff was homely Maid
5 OF forty years, or more.
I. "A trolley car, it ran her down,
CIV And she, of course, was sore.
4 The lawyer was cunning chap
I'm Who liked contingent fees;
He naturally advised the Maid
"A TO nurse her injuries.
The damages the Plaintiff claimed
# Were modest as could be:
She asked for fifty thousand pounds
" Because she hoped for three.
The experts were disint'rested,
So six they swore that she
Would die within month or two'
six swore the contraree.
The Jurors, honest men and true.
Z They thought and thought and thought;
And then For Plaintiff fifty thou
sand pounds the verdict brought.
The Jurors. tender-hearted men.
"a Before they sought their bed.
Each one, he nobly went and askec
The plaintiff him to we'd
Alas! Alack! Alack-a-day!
Twas ever thus in life!
They found the Plaintif-Maid no more
She was the lawyers wife!
m, T. Sun.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1904-02-05

imagination, using his name to give
force to their attempts at wit Mr..
Lincoln was the purest-hearted man
with whom l ever came in contact"
After the confederacy had been
crumbled into ruins and Jefferson
Davis, it's president, had been cap
tured, and confined, the govern
ment was worried with the ques-
tor as to what they should do with him,
and it came to be pretty general re-
mark that I'VE had an elephant on our
hands," He was guilty of treason and
hanging was the punishment for this
crime, but there were few of our states
men who favored that, although it was
hard to see how they could consistently
give him his liberty. One day leading
minister called on Mr.. Lincoln and
asked him what he was going to do with
JEFF Davis.
"Well," said Mr.. Lincoln. II believe
Il can answer that question by telling
you story. There was once boy In
Springfield who bought a coon, which,
after the novelty wore of, became a
great nuisance. One day, after he had
been dragging the coon through the
streets with rope attached to the AMI
mails collar, he sat down on the curb
stone completely tagged out end dis
consulate. A man passing by stopped
and asked him what was the matter.
Oh was the reply, the coon is such a
trouble to me- Why don't you get rid
of him, them said the gentleman.
HUSH replied the boy, don't you sec
that he is gnawing his rope of? I am
going to let him do it. Then I'll go home
and tell the folks that he got away from
me-" ;.
During the course of the war a friend
asked Mr. Lincoln one day how many
men the confederates had in the field.
'Twelve hundred thousand" was the
prompt and decided reply. The inter-
rogator in amazement exclaimed: lis
it possible that they have that large
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1904-02-05
A Late Business Call.

Curious what men do when they're
drinking" said Representative Tim" Sui:
Ivan. when l was in New York l
had been out nearly all night, and was
considerably the worse for wear.
"He came along street and saw an
undertaker's sign, with night bell, just
over a speaking tube. He rang the bell
"'What is it?' yelled the undertaker
down the tube. What do YOU WANT
plied: only l want to say to YOU that
You're. the. last man III do business with
philadelphia Telegraph.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1904-02-05
Mrs. Haskell, Worthy Vice.
Templar, independent Order
Good Templars, Of Silver Lake,
Mass, tells Of. her cure by the
use Of Lydia E. Pinkham's Vege.
table Compound. So III

"DEAR MRS. P1NKHAM: Four years
ago was nearly dead with 'infiamma-
ton and liberation. endured daily
untold agony, and life was q burden
to me. Il had used medicines and
washes internally and externally until
I made up my mind that there was no
relief for me. Calling at the home Of
q friend, I noticed q bottle of Lydia
E. Pinkham's Vegetable Com
pound. My friend endorsed it highly.
and decided to give it q trial to see II
1t would help me. + took patience
and perseverance for I was in bad con-
dition, and I used Lydia e. Pink.
hams Vegetable Compound for
nearly five months before I was cured,
but what a change, from despair to
happiness, from misery to the delight
full celebrating feeling health always
brings. I would not change back for
q thousand dollars, and your Vegetable
Compound is q grand medicine.
~ wish every sick woman would
try it and be convinced" MRS. IDA
HASKELL, Silver Lake, Mass. Worthy
Vice Templar. Independent Order OF
Good Templars- $4,000 forfeit u original
Of above isttsT proving esnuissness cannot ~ pso-
ducsd.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1904-02-05
Historic Route to Florida.

The shortest and most attractive route
from Chicago or St. Louis to Florida is via
Nashville, Chattanooga and Atlanta, over
the historic Nashville, Chattanooga & St,
Louis Ry. and Western 4 Atlantic r. R.,
via Lookout Mountain, Chickamauga Park
and through the famous battlefelds of the
Civil War. This is the route of the
Dixie Flyer" the all-year-round train
Jacksonville and St. Louis and Jackson
vile. 1t is also the route of the Chicago
& Florida Limited" solid vestibuled
train operating during the Winter season
between Chicago and St. Augustine, with
sleepers between st. Louis and St. Au
gustine. If you contemplate taking q
Southern trip, and desire interesting lit
erature about the route, write to B. r
Marquette Bldg, Chicago, Ill.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1904-02-05
The /.
Humorr. Of Lincoln
INCOLN was remarkable for his

T INCOLN. was remarkable for his
humor and his fund of anecdote,
both in his conversation and his
public addresses, used to illustrate
some point or argument he was en-
deavoring to impress upon the mind Of
his hearers. He has often been &C
cused of coarseness, sometimes vul-
garity, in this respect. Secretary
Seward once said In reply to this
charge: II am convinced that Mr.
Lincoln has been greatly wronged in
this regard. In all his intercourse
with men. embracing governors, sena-
tors, congressman and others I never
heard him utter a remark that would
have been out of place If uttered IN
the presence of ladies. The trouble is
that many foul-mouthed men In the
country have put these vulgarities in
Mr.. Lincoln's mouth in their own
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1904-02-05
10000 Plants Tor ice.

This is remarkable offer the John A..
Salzer Seed Co., La Crosse, Wis, makes.
They will send you their big plant and
seed catalog, together with enough seed to
1000 fine, solid Cabbages,
1900 delicious Carrots,
1900 blanching, nutty Celery
1000 rich, buttery Lettuce,
1000 splendid Onions,
1000 rare, luscious Radishes,
1000 gloriously brilliant Flowers.
This great offer is made in order to in
duce you to try their warranted seeds
for when you once plant them you will
grow no others, and
ALL FOR BUT 16c POSTAGE,
providing you will return this notice, and
If you will send them zoe in postage, they
will add to the above package of the ia
nous Berliner Caulifower. K. IL
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1904-02-05
Bad Sign.

Mr.. Citydweller Ito suburban real e.
your district, Mr.. Boomerup, but that
makes me decline to buy . residence
here.
Mr.. Boomerup-Why, what is the mat
ter? -.
II noticed to-day, as we have been driv-
ing about, that all your finest houses arc
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1904-02-05
Easy One,

The sporting editor of the Daily Bread
was acting temporarily as answers-to-cor'
respondents man.
A note from Constant Reader con.
%. D. mean?" was handed to him.
"Dollars to Doughnuts,". he wrote in
reply, without q moments hesitation.-
Chicago Tribune.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1904-02-05

NUMBER" Eyes, sir" said Mr.. Lincoln,
Il 200 900; there is no doubt OF
it. You see all of our generals,
when they get whipped, say the
enemy outnumbered them from three
or five to one. must believe them.
Now we have $1,000 men in the field.
Three times four make twelve. Don't
YOU see? 1t is simple problem in
arithmetic"
In the beginning of the war, a Meth
odist friend once said to him: II hope
that the Lord is on our side." II am not
at all concerned about that" said Mr..
Lincoln, "for know that the Lord is
always on the side of the right. But ii
is my constant anxiety and prayer that
I and this nation should be on the Lords
SIDE"
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1904-02-05

I am sure Piso's Cure for Consumptio
saved my life three years e. sgo.| -; Icco Tho
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1904-02-05

Shetland you don't think there il .
chance in the world of our living through
is always a fighting chance, dear."-Gin-
cinnati Commercial Tribune.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1904-02-05

Mr.. Sinpkin-"Oh, Miss Mabel, tho
scenery makes me think of Shakespear.
can passage" MISS Mabel-"Which!" ~ Mr.
Wen-er-I don't quite remem-
ber!"-Punch.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1904-02-05

Students of ancient history arr never up
to date.-4Chicago Daily News.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1904-02-05

Did the Best They Could.
she-I wonder why they hung that pic
ture?
He-Perhaps they couldn't catch the
artist.-Stray Stories.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1904-02-05

Failure is a spur while success NAV b
a snare.-Chicago Tribune.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1904-02-05

Mercy to the guilty is malice to tn
innocent.-Chicago Tribune.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1904-02-05
FINALLY the Case.

"a mans enemies seldom kick him when
he's down." remarked the moralize&:
"That's right" rejoined the democrat
izer. "They stand aside and give his
friends q chance" -Cincinnati Enquirer.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1904-02-05

1t is the truth that changes the times
and not the times that change the truth.
Rams Horn.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1904-02-05

Daily Guide to Flattery.-lf you meet
woman who strongly suspects that she
is beauty, ask her earnestly if all her
family are beautiful. Baltimore Amer
ican
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1904-02-05

Any one can dye with Putnam Fadeless
Dye, no experience required.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1904-02-05

To Cure q Cold In One Day.
Take Laxative Bromo Quinine Tablets. All