davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Saint Paul globe., 1904-05-08
Out of Place There.

A telephone girl has lost her job be-
cause she rebuked the mayor Of Phil
adeIphia for being slow! Lese ma
jeste! She should have been asleep
at the switeh."-New York Herald.
The Saint Paul globe., 1904-05-08

The peculiar coincidence of ]. Pier
pont Morgan being in Paris while the
$40,00O,0OO is being paid to the Panama
Canal company might excite a query
as to how much Of it he expects to
bring back with hinl.-Pittsburg Dis
patch.
The Saint Paul globe., 1904-05-08
Must Be Sometime the Matter.

It appears that neither the Demo-
Gratis nor the Republicans are thinking
Of nominating an Ohio man this year,
even for vice president. This is almost
uncanny.-Chicago Reeord-Herald.
The Saint Paul globe., 1904-05-08
Browns Advantage.

Greene-How Brown shutters! An aw-
full afliction, isn't it?
Gray-Oh, 1 don't know. He can mon
opoIize the conversation without having
to say great deal-Boston Transcript.
The Saint Paul globe., 1904-05-08
Anything to Preserve Peace.

Judge Parker has herd Of fine cattle
on his farm. Perhaps he might ar
range an entente cordiale with Mr..
Bryan by buying the Nebraskan's $500
heifer at an advanced price.-Nashvflle
Banner,
The Saint Paul globe., 1904-05-08
An Incentive to De- Good.

A man in Hanover, Pa, took to read
ing the Bible and found 500 bill be-
tween the leaves. Here's a way to
make Scripture study popular.-New
York Herald.
The Saint Paul globe., 1904-05-08
Anx Old Kind Of a Majority.

William F. Sheehan says that Judge
Parker can carry New York by 100, ,006
It is probable that David B. Hill would
be willing to compromise on 10000
New York World.
The Saint Paul globe., 1904-05-08

Uncle, Joe Cannon feels it in his
bones that the Chicago convention
means. to vice presidentially kidnap
him, and he'd heap rather feel the
in his bones.-Atlanta Con-
stitution.
The Saint Paul globe., 1904-05-08
a WaY to the Top.

MT. SIap-What is the secret Of Gildt-
boys success2
Miss Bang-Why, he knew a girl who
spend5 a thousand year on dresses.
Mr.. SIap-Ah, see; he married her?
Miss Bang-Oh, no; he married her
dressmaker.-Comic Cuts.
The Saint Paul globe., 1904-05-08
Catches at the Boathouse.

"Things are terribly catching down at
the boathouse."
What do you mean?"
why first you catch on to the stroke,
then you catch cold, then you catch &
crab, and then you catch the deuce from
the coach. Harvard LampoOn
The Saint Paul globe., 1904-05-08
Worth the Risk.

shop,'' said the first dog; "if the butcher
catches you you'll get the worst Of it.
But il he doesn't catch me I'll get the
wurst Of it" replied the other, so here
goes. Houston CTex) Post
The Saint Paul globe., 1904-05-08
rhe Temporary InsanIty Of JaeI.

Jaels had driven the nail into Sisera.
'"rhe poor woman had been housecleau-
ing and imagined she was putting down
the carpet" they explained.-New York
The Saint Paul globe., 1904-05-08
In a cIass bv Himself.

An English member Of parliament
can talk in sixteen languages. But
Judge Parker can think in more than
sixteen kinds Of silence.-Detroit Free
Press.
The Saint Paul globe., 1904-05-08
That covers the WhoIe Territorv.

Too good a Presbyterian to indulge
in coarse and violent profanity, Mr..
Bryan reserves the right to voice his
sentiments in the ejaculation, "Hill and
damnation. on.'-Anaconda Standard.
The Saint Paul globe., 1904-05-08
Sometimes Denominated FooIishness.

While n may not have been war for
the Japanese aboard the Kinshiu to
refuse to surrender, It was at least a
magnificent exhibition of a certain form
Of patriotism and courage.-Philadel-
Dhia Press.
The Saint Paul globe., 1904-05-08
An Ideal Touch.

Young Wife-H0w do you like my touch
now since I've been studying with the
new professor?
Hubby-I think the professors touch is
the best. He got $500 out of me for your
lessons last week.-Tacoma (Wash.1
News.
The Saint Paul globe., 1904-05-08
Imaoine Four Years More of It.

The president has congress off his
hands; congress has the president off
it's neck; both ought to be happy
Detroit Free Press.
The Saint Paul globe., 1904-05-08
Enough to Purchase Meal.

what asks Rev. DR. ConweH, ''is
$10,00O,O00 to John D. Rockefeller ?''
Speak up, John D., and ten the gentle
man what it ts.-PhiladeIphfa North
American
The Saint Paul globe., 1904-05-08

At amy rate, Bourke Cochran has
made the Congressional Record mighty
interesting reading.-AI AIilwaHlsee News.
The Saint Paul globe., 1904-05-08

The Retvizan has now been put out Of
business only once oftener than the
Japs have crossed the YaIu.-Detroit
Tribune.
The Saint Paul globe., 1904-05-08
Marked.

HAS he shown you any marked at
tention?"
ring he gave men. I'm Cleveland Plain
Dealer.
The Saint Paul globe., 1904-05-08
At Whlstler's.

She-How do you like the coloring?
He-Pretty well, but I think there might
be bit more on your left cheek.-Har-
ward Lampoon.
The Saint Paul globe., 1904-05-08
Anrl nid n Eaa;lu.

! At any rate, congress is entitled to
some credit. It adJgHEHed.- IFwa aulzee
News.
The Saint Paul globe., 1904-05-08

Judging from the way Brer Miller,
of Luverne, is going after McCleary's
scalp about the seed distribution he
must have some designs on the job OF
sentative.-Edgerton Enterprise.
The Saint Paul globe., 1904-05-08

The brass band attachment to the
Van SAINT administration must have
been dispensed with since the recent
court decision in the merger case
Buffalo Lake News.
The Saint Paul globe., 1904-05-08

If Buckman doesn't get home pretty
soon his fences won't need fixing
there won't be enough left to- fix. Col.
Foster is a pretty busy man and he Is
doing his work -Brainerd
Arena.
The Saint Paul globe., 1904-05-08

w. ]. MORTON,
150 Nassau St., New York City.
81 Washington St.. Chicago.
The Saint Paul globe., 1904-05-08

The Minneapolis Journal says that
"a period OF business recession, mod
crate yet general, is upon the country"
This is a rather diplomatic obituary
notice of the much vaunted Republican
oSperity-Perham Enterprise.
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1904-11-04
c. & O. Worlds Fair Rates.

Commencing on April 25, 1904, and
continuing during the continue ton of
the Louisiana Purchase Exibit.
Worlds Fair, st. Louis, Mo-, the Ches-
apeake & Ohio Route will have on sale
from StauDton, round trip excursion
tickets at rates and limits as shown
below:
$91 20, on sale daily, good returning
not later that Dec. Is, 1904.
$26 90, on sale daily, good returning
not later than 60 days.
$2l.5O, on sale daily, good returning
not later than Is days.
$l5 90, on sale on certain dates, good
returning not later than 10 days.
The last named rate will be On sale
only on certain dates that will be ad-
vertised in this paper from time to
time prior to the dates on which said
excursions will be run. The ten day
rate will also not be good under any
circumstances In the sleeping cars.
A IL other rates good in sleeping cars
by the payment of the additional
sleeping Car rate
For further information or for the
reservation of space in sleeping cars
call on or address G.. q QUINN. Pas
senger Agent. e. & o. Ry, Stanton,
Va Telephone No. 9S. 567m
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1904-11-04
The Telephone in the Jungle.

Abyssinia is being wired" Some
one thousand miles of telephone line
have been put up,.. ..and.as much more
is being laid. The work is no joke.
The rains and the poles fell. The
white ants ate up large collection of
wooden poles. Then iron ones were
put up, which the simple native liked
so we'll that he took them home to use
In his business. The Negus stopped
this amusement by proclaiming death
to the pole pilferers. But his royal
mandate cannot prevent the Bandar-
log, the monkey people, from swinging
in the wires or what is much more
delightfuI the elephant from scratch
ing himself against the poles. The
telephone pole is scratching post for
eleph ants. Thus does civilization
provide home comforts for the jungle
people.
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1904-11-04
Cures rheumatism

AND CATARRH - MEDICINE SENT
FREE.
Send no money-simply write and
try Botanic Blood Balm at our ex)
pense. Botanic Blood Balm B. b b.
kills or destroys the poison in the blood
which causes the awful aches in back
and shoulder blades, shifting pains,
difficulty in moving fiDgers, toes or
legs. bone pains, swollen muscles and
Joints of rheumatism, or the foul
breath, hawking, splitting, droppings
IN throat, bad hearing, specks flying
before the eyes, all played out feeling
of catarrh. Botanic Blood Balm has
cured hundreds of cases of 80 or 40
years standing after doctors, hot
springs and patent medicines had all
failed. Most of these cured patients,
had taken Blood Balm as last resort.
1t is especially advised for chronic,
deep seated cases. Impossible for any
one to suffer the agonies or symptoms
of rheumatism or catarrh while or af-
ter taking Blood Balm. 1t makes the
blood pure and rich. thereby giving a
healthy blood supply. Cures are per-
manent and not patching up. Sold
at drug stores, 81 per large bottle.
Sample of Blood Balm sent free and
prepaid, also special medical advice by
describing your trouble and writing
Blood Balm Co., Atlanta, Ga. A per.
! sonal trial of Blood Balm is better than
a thousand printed Testimonials, so
| write at once
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1904-11-04
A Story from the Sixties.

That Confederate money was never
taken seriously, is well illustrated in
the following story told by the late
General John b. Gordon, and which,
as far as can be ascertained, has never
appeared in print.
One day during a temporary cessa-
tion of hOstilities between the Oppos :
ing forces tall strapping Yankee rode
into the Confederate camp on sorry
looking Old horse to effect trade for
some tobacco.
Hello. Yank !" hailed one of a num-
Der of Confederate soldiers lOlling about
on the grass in front of tent, "that's
right smart horse you all got there :"
Think so?'' returned.the Yank.
"Yes; what'n you take for him ?''
"Oh, don't know"
e "Well, III give you 81, 900 for him.
bantered the Confederate.
You go to blazes ~ Indignantly re-
turned the Yank; 1--we just paid $10,-
900 of your money to have him cur
ried. u. E. Quinn in Lippincott's.
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1904-11-04

ity of an OATH But the Judge, after
asking her few questions, permitted
her to testify. The room occupied by
the little girl 10 her home adjoined that
of her. parents and the door between
them was usually open at night. When
she.was asked by the district attorney
whether she had been awakened by any
noise or heard any one speak that night.
her answer sent thrill of pain to ev-
cry heart in that crowded courtroom.
'Yes. Sir, was her reply. 4 heard
mamma crying loud and she said
Don't kill me Daniel Oh please don't
kill me papa! I'll go way off and leave
you!
"Fyler was convicted, but the ques-
tion of sanity was raised. and he got
a new trial. and by some legal legerde-
main was finally sent to the State In
sane Retreat. Some years ago l read
in newspaper that his vote had been
rejected at an election because he was
a convicted felon"
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1904-11-04

The gallant defenders, urged on by
General Stoessel's heroic Obsti acy,
are allowed no rest by day or night.
Peculiar horror attends their position
cut off by land and sea, and subjec-
ted to continued bonn bardment. Dis
ease, the inevitable attendant of a
large force beleaguered, is rampant,
and perhaps it would be safe to say
that the victims thus claimed will be
far more than those killed by shot and
shell. If it be true, as reported, that
the outer defenses are all captured,
then very probably the present assault
constitutes the final attack. But the
inner defenses still stand, and if they
are to be taken by assault, StOessel
may have at least one Qualification
the fact that he has withstood the
longest siege in modern history. The
greatest present peril lies in the dang
er of privations and starvation of the
beleaguered troop.
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1904-11-04
Disastrous Wrecks,

Carelessness is responsible for many
a railway wreck and the same causes
are making human wrecks OF sufferers
from throat and lung troubles. But
since the advent of DIR. Kings New
Discovery for Consumption, Coughs
and Colds, even the worst cases can
be cured, and hopeless resignation is
no longer necessary. Mrs. Lois Cragg
of Dorchester, Mass, is one of many
whose life was saved by DIR. King 3
New Discovery. This great remedy is
guaranteed for all throat and lung dis
eases by B. F. Hughes, Druggist. Price
SOC, and $1.00. Trial hotties free.
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1904-11-04
AL'ttIe Politician.

Grover Cleveland once ran across a
little girl acquaintance who was fish
ing and who had no bait on her hook.
"You can't catch fish without bait"
said Mr.. Cleveland. but l don't like
to put the bait on the hook, answered
the little girl deprecatingly; "the worms
wiggle SO. They won't keep still while
l put them on. If you'll put the bait
on for me LII let you have the fish,
Mr.. Cleveland, if / catch one.'' "Ha,
ha !" laughed the ex president. This
isn't the first time we met with such
a proposition. Give me you hook, lit
tie politician.
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1904-11-04
Which Was 1t?

Gen. lockwood HOar tells of a town
in Massachusetts, where it is the Gus.
tom after flag. raising at the school
house to have an exhibition of draw
ings by the pupils upon subjects which
had been studied during the year.
1t appears that on one occasion the
teacher of the school taught strenuous
ly suggested that they submit draw
ing of Plymouth Rock, as their imagi-
nation drew it.
The pupils tackled the task at once,
that is, all except one little chap, who
evinced consid elable hesitation. The
teacher observing this, asked:
William, what is the difficulty"
''Please. said the youngster, what
do you want us to draw ma am, a hen
or roOster?''-Harper's Weekly.
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1904-11-04
Altogether too Particular.

E'Whisky, said the teetotaler, ''is
the eyiJest drink ON earth and the most
dangerous. That's what killed Ike
Struthers.
ike Struthers amt dead, "said Perk
Gummins.. II saw him in the noun
tains the other day"
"Well, no difference stormed the
teetotaler, whisky is what will kill
him.
II don't see how it will, for he never
tasted a drop of it lu his life.''
"Oh, well, it's what Will kill him II
be drinks it. You are so burned par
ticular a temperance lecturer CAM
talk 10 you. New York Press.
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1904-11-04

Beauty is born in the blood. Beauty is
more than "skin deep" 1t is blood deep.
When the blood is tainted by disease the
flesh will feel it ana the skin will show it.
Sallow or muddy compilations, pimples
blotches, and eruptions are only the surface
signs of impure blood. Face washes, lotions,
complexion powders, may palliate the evils
but they cannot cure the disease. The only
cure is to cleanse the blood of the poisonous
matter which is the cause of the outbreak
in the flesh and skin. Impure blood can be
absolutely purified by the use of DR.. Pierce's
Golden Medical Discovery. Its effect on
flesh and skin is marked. Sores heal and dis
appear. The skin becomes smooth, and re-
gains its natural color. The eyes brighten
and sparkle, the whole body is radiant with
the brightness and beauty of health. "Gold
en- Medical Discovery" contains no alcohol
whisky or other intoxicant, and is absolutel.
free from opium, cocaine and other narcotic
The use of DR.. Pierce's Pleasant Pellets, as
sists the action of the "DiscOvery,'' by clean
sing the system of clogging matter.
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1904-11-04
Not a Sick Day Since.

Il was taken severely sick with kid.
ney trouble. I tried all sorts of medi
cines. none of which relieved me. One
day I saw an ad. of your Electric Bit
ters and determined TO try that. After
taking few doses felt relieved, and
soon thereafter was entirely cured. and
have not seen sick day since. Neigh
matism. neuralgia, liver aud kidney
troubles and general debility" This
is what B. F. Bass, of Fremont. N. c.,
writes. Only SOC, at B. F. Hugh es,
Druggist.
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1904-11-04

the people there differ from our
Inhabitants, can only be guessed bv
comparison with animal nature on this
small sphere of ours More important
to us is a knowledge of ourselves.
"KNOw THYSELF" was an old Greek
thought How to take care of ones
own body is not so simple as some think;
the human mechanism is a wonderful
thing and requires watching
One man who has done more to teach
the American people how to care for their
bodies than almost any other, is DR. R. V.
Pierce, of Buffalo, n. Y the Author of tile
rCommon Sense Medical Adviser" He
says 1t is not the quantity of the food
eaten which produces strength and health
flor some people can keep strong on a very
meagre diet), but it is how much food is
absorbed and assimilated by the blood and
carried to nourish every organ of the body.
1t is, therefore, vitality necessary for the
body that the stomach be in a healthy
state. If disease of the stomach, or what is
called stomach trouble" prevents proper
nutrition then the heart, liver, lungs, and
kidneys do not get proper food-thev are
not fed on rich red blood, and in conse
quence, begin to show signs of distress.
Outwardly these signs may be pimples
and eruptions on skin, pale face, sleepless
nights, tired, languid feelings, or, by reason
of the nerves not being fed on pure blood.
they become starved, and we receive
zearnaRe in the pain we call neuralgia
Rheumatism, too is a blood disease. After
years of practice and study DR.. Pierce
found that an Alternative Extract, which he
named "Dr. Pierce's Golden Medical Dis
covery,' made from the extracts of several
plants, invariably produced a tonic effect
upon the system. 1t helped the process of
absorption. of the healthy elements in the
food and increased the red corpuscles of
the blood, as well as eliminated the poisons
from the system
Business is business No time for head
aches. Constipation causes them Doctor
P1erce's Pleasant Pellets cure them by cur
ing the cause. Laxative and mild.
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1904-11-04
A Chanqe of Base.

Some one told Colonel Camm Patte-
son, OF Buckingham, Va. that Bates,
his body-servant during the Civil War.
had been entertaining the crowd on
the court green by describing him as
he ran from the enemy at Fort Donald
son.
He flourished his buggy whip at the
old negro as he called him to account:
"Bates, you black rascal, what do you
mean by sayiug that l ran at Fort
Donaldson.
"Law, Mars Camm, 1 declar' fore
gracious dat nebber said you runnedl
l jes' 'mirated on how you natch'ly
beat eb'rybody else a-leadin' OBJ de re-
treat. IN. Y. Tribune.
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1904-11-04
Quick Recovery.

Agouized Youth-Oa, Miss Gri-
selda, don't tell me there is no hope
for me!
Miss Griselda-There is absolutely
none, poor boy. You mustn't think of
it. Why didn't you fall in love with
my sister, PAMELA ? She is much bet
ter fitted for you than I am.
Same YOuth-Why, hought she was
engaged to that prig of SpoonamOre
If it isn't asking too much, Miss Gri-
selda, won't you please say a good
word to her for me ?-ChicagO Tribune.
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1904-11-04
coach Excursions. -

Passengers to the Worlds Fair, can
purchase on each Tuesday, Thursday
and Saturday during November, ten
day coach exclusion tickets via Norfolk
and Western Railway to St. Louis and
return at very low rates. Excursion
tickets with longer limit, are on sale
daily. Rates and schedules furnished
upon application to Agents Norfolk
and Western Railway, or
W. b. BEvILL,
General Passenger Agent,
Roanoke, Va.
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1904-11-04
A Guaranteed Cure For Piles.

Itching, Blind, Bleeding or PrOtrud-
ing Piles. Druggists refund money if
PAZo OINTMENT fails to cure any
case, no matter of how long standing,
in 6 to IA days. First application
gives ease and rest. soc. If your dru-
gist hasn't it send SOC in stamps and it
will be forwarded post paid by Paris
Medicine Co., st. Louis, Mo.
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1904-11-04
Stopped his Laugh.

A man began to laugh immOderately
over some amusing narrative and
finally, to his dismay, was conscious
that be could not stop. The doctor
had given him up, and the family we're
gathering around in expectation of
the end when telegram arrived say.
ing that bis wife's mother was coming
to make short visit. He was saved
and has laughed no more.-London
Tit-Bits,
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1904-11-04
A Runaway Bicycle.

Terminated with an ugly cut OIL the
leg of J. B. Orner, Franklin Grove, LII.
1t developed stubborn ulcer unyield-
ing to doctors and remedies for four
years. Then Bucklen's Arnica Salve
cured. It's just as good for burns.
scalds. skin eruptions and piles. 25c,
at B. F. Hughes Drug Store.
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1904-11-04
knew His Limit.

II amt got no hankerin' to be Pres.
ident, said the Billville citizen. 81
know my limitations. So, eff kin jest
git to be road roadster an superin-
tendent of the poorhOuse, l IN wiIlin' to
let Providence an the politicians run
the rest of the Government"
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1904-11-04
Be Easy On Reporters.

Brother Hancox, who led i'll prayer,
made a special petition for the repor-
ter of an afternoon paper, who had
written up the opening session.
dear LORD" he said, "he might
have omitted some things, but we pray
Thee to bless him, nevertheless.
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1904-11-04
To Cure a Cold IN One DaY.

Take LAXATIVE BROMO QUININE
Tablets. All druggists refund the
money if it fails to cure. E. w.
Groves signature is on each box Csc.
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1904-11-04

A Kansas woman got one cent judg-
ment against man who kissed her.
A man could have fairly good time
for quarter out there.-Rochester
Democrat and Chronicle.
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1904-11-04
Safe.

"Y our pa and ma are going to take
you to Europe with them. aren t tbey?'
asked the callar.
Yes m" " replied the boy.
"And aren t you afraid ?'
Nom; amt afraid o. nothing.
I'm been vaccinated. "-Philadelphia
Ledger.
Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1904-11-04
Young Plants

Every farmer knows that
some plants grow better than
others. Soil may be the same
and seed may seem the same
but some plants are weak and
others strong.
And that's the way with
children. They are like young
plants. Same food, same home,
same care but some grow big
and strong while others stay
small and weak.
SCOTS Emulsion offers an
easy way out of the difficulty.
Child weakness often means
starvation, not because of lack
of food, but because the food
does not feed.
SCOTS Emulsion reallyfeeds
and gives the child growing
strength.
Whatever the cause of weak
ness and failure to grow
SCOTS Emulsion seems to find
it and set the matter right.
Send for free sample.
Scott & Bovine, Chemists, 4oo Pearl ST., New York
SOC. and 81 90; /; all druggists.