Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1904-04-09
AND IT DIDN'T HAPPEN

4 4
Somehow or other. can't get over feel
ing that was-cheated on this last cruise
up to the mainland as the Americans
down yonder get into the habit of calling
the states" said bronzed young army
officer just back foom the Philippines.
However. there. doesn't seem o-,be any
way for me to get even. 1 can't fasten it
upon ANYBODY. I suppose I'll have to figure
1t out that tIcheated myself and then
charge 1t up tosprofit and loss.
In order to. understand what I'm trying
10 get at, you'll need to be informed that
when 1 rode down from San Francisco to
Mania on the transport a couple of years
ago. I was probably the sea-sickest man
that ever looked upon Death. with a capital
ID, as the finest proposition that had ever
been contrlted or Invented
Il was mortally sea-s;ck from the minute
the transport passed out of the Gate. ard
long before the ship reached the Farallones
which can easily be discerned from the
hills of San Francisco on clear day. was
Wailowing in my bunk unraveliing the
blessed meanings Of the word 'euthanasia'
and casting longing eyes at the twin razors
stuck In the rack above my water jug.
tumbled out on deck mere wisp
ana wrath, i've days out frem,.San Fran
cisco. to endure the grins Of the ruffians of
my company who hadn't got sick them
selves. We touched at Honolulu on the
eighth day. and / hustled ashore, half de-
termined to resign my commission by cable
and settle down In Hawaii for life, as a
timekeeper on a plantati or something.
1t was hard forvme to see the renewal OF
the voyage 10 Manila, particularly when
the Honolulu chaps met cheerily informed
me that we ought to have bully rough
time sof'it after leaving Hawaii. since we
were then in the middle OF the typhoon
season in the South seas. However, the re-
Election that 1t would look craven on my
part to quit at Honolulu kept me from
visiting the cable office there and. after
driving around gorgeous and Incompatible
Honolulu for a. few hours, I went over the
wistfully hoping that I'd got all the sea-
sick dose that was coming to me.
- Say, the transport hadn't reached Pearl
Harbor, on the way out Of the Honolulu
bunk again, shaking both fists at my shad-
ow on the wall. and internally and in
formally raging over the fact that Dewey
hadn't pulled away from the Philippines
the minute he sank the Spanish fleet. W as
in state of acute and hopeless and ire.
mediable gloom. not only during the re-
nafnder of the cruise to Manila, but for j
week or SO after making that port. and
1 shook hands with myself, addressed the
zenith with e solemn VOW, and said: Let
Rome in Tiber melt, and the wide arch OF
the rang'd empire fall: here is my space.
never to go to sea no more. nowhere. no
how. I'd get transferred to the constabu-
larry. I said to myself. after my tour of
duty had expired. or I'd take to the high
country and engage in the brigand br>I-
ness. or I'd buy bumboat and sell man
goes and pineapples and smoking tobacco
ITO the swaddies Just arriving on the trans
ports in Manila harbor-but climb on board
another boat bound for the deep water /
vowed in my throat that I wouldn't.
"'Weli. my outfits tour expired couple
o. months ago. and when we got our sum-
mems back to the mainland / didn't feel
much Ike tossing up my commission. al
though the memory of the cruise down was
just as poignant as 1t had been on the day
debarked at Manila After all. lie
time spent in the philippines wouldn't be
just the thing for me, and besides, l kind
O. hankered toss see my folks. let alone a
er-well she lives here in Washington. you
know-and SO Icdecided that instead of re-
signing I'd rubber around among the sea-
soned salts met and try and, find out II
there really wasn't some way OF side-steD-
ping sea-sickness. / decided to try every
blamed thing that every man who'd ever
been to sea suggested. .s-t
Il wish could remember one-fifth Of the
remedies they gave me-that they told me
about. mean :Etfor obtained or bought
the remedies myself. No two of them had
the same .dead-cinch. and certain cure for
sea-sickness. And their suggestions differ
ed widely as the poles.
II spent fortnight tabulating these
suggestions and ms adopting each and
every one of EN-. Bought enough whisky
and lemons. and sal, soda and lines, and
champagne and vinegar and claret and
other truck to start general store at
Dawson City. and sent 1t aboard the trans
port to be placed in readiness in my cabin.
When tried to get into my cabin on sail
ing day l couldn't; there were too mary
boxes and barrels and baskets and bottles
containing sea-Siek remedies for me to ST
much as push my way through to my bunk.
1 had to jettiSOn some of that cargo and
place it in charge of the steward, but when
the anchor was pulled up and we got under
way, / had the satisfaction of feeling that
l was prepared for any and all contIn-
geEcies.-
And here's where the cheating begins.
Only three hours out we got into nasty
blow. The transport danced up and down
the pillows like royal marine on parade,
and the higher she rode and the deeper she
plunged the better / liked it, When she
wallowed in veritabla valley, on her beam
ends, shaking from stem to stern. during
the typhoon that we encountered the third
day out, was tickled almost foolish The
wallOwer the merrifr. for mine. At the out
set. the Indians holding commissions in my
company traipsed solemnly into my cabin.
expecting to find me all curled up, and
smoking vicious black cigars in my face. ]
touched 'em for all the smokes they had in
their pockets, and joined them. A couple
of subalterns brought in smoking pan oi
fried salt pork under pretense that they
wanted me to inspect 1t for the mess /
clapped three or four pieces Of the smoking
pork onto hunks of bareback that had in
my cabin, and devoured the savory sand
witches before their very eyes. to their i'm
measurable disappointment and gloom. ]
never skipped meal during the two days
that the transport was hove to in the teeth
of the typhoon. Long before the transport
reached Honolulu l had dished out all
OF my remedies for sea-sickness to suffer
ing members Of my outfit.
az gained twelve pounds on the ride up
to San Francisco, and when stepped OF
the transport there 1 was the sleekest
and sassiest individual on the Pacific coast
from Esquimauit to San Diego.
Horrible sell, though. wasn't it. after all
of the elaborate preparations I nader"
Self Help.
From the PHILADELPHIA Ledger.