Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1904-04-13
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locked the door-EX.
Mother-Johnny Jones, did you get
that awful cold out skating? Son
Mother, think l caught it washing
my face yesterday morning.-Judge.
Chumply-I don't know whether
ought to take your daughter from her
fathers roof. Her Fatller--She doesn't
live on the oof-Philadelphia Bulle-
| tin.
az say, Broom. Call me by my
whole name, if you please. 1t has
handle to it, and it was meant to be
used, sir" That's so. Well. Broom
handle, how are you:"
Curioso-Your name is Ephraim, is
it: How'd your parents come to give
You that name? Modestus-I don't
know for certain, but l suspect 1t was
because l was boy.-Boston Tran
script.
women claim that the way to get
on with man is to give him plenty
of nicely cooked food" WELL" an.
swered Sirius Barker, irritably, "why
don't some of them try it ?"-Washing
ton Star.
A Great Debt: Bragg-I owe moth.
ing to any man. Newltt-Oh, yes, you
do. Bragg-No, sir! Newitt-Oh, yes.
You owe an apology to every man who
has to listen to you blow.-Philadel-
phia Press.
Improvement at the Gas Office: did
you have any luck when you went to
complain about the gas bill?" Better
luck than last month";" answered Mr..
Meekton; ''the man didn't laugh this
time."-Ex.
Magistrate (stcrnly)-Didn't tell
you the last time you We're here new.
er wanted you to come before me
again? Prisoner-Yes, sir. but I
couldn't make the policeman believe
it.-New Yorker.
Funny about Ralston wanting his
former wife to get divorce from her
second husband SO that they might get
married again. Not very. He's al.
ways been falling in love with other
mems wives"-Ex.
Daily Guide to FIattery: If there is
something on the table that the
hostess knows is so badly cooked that
she feels bored about it, ask for more
and eat it with the greatest apparent
relish.-Baltimore American.
Have You any taste for Thacke-
ray?' asked Mrs. Oldcastle. mo, I
can't say that l have.' replied her
hostess: sis that anything like this
paprika they're putin in everything
now?''-Chicago Record Herald.
What he, Would Rather Have Ex-
pressed Differently: Gushing Lady
Oh, but Mr.. Jones. | should love to be
beautiful-even if for only half an
hour! Jones-Yes; but you wouldn't
like the coming back again!-Punch.
Conductor-All aboard! Please get
aboard quickly. Miss; the train is
about to start. Young Lady-But
wish to kiss my sister good-by. Con-
ductor-Get aboard, get aboard; Ill
attend to that for you.-Ynle Record
Goal vascss" said the hardware
merchant. YES, SIR Something
nicely japanned? ~ NO SIR" said tho
j ca .tS53iHer a man with fierce m,lstache
and foreign accent; "haven't you
something in Russia iron ?'-Chicago
/ Tribune.
How to Hold Actors: at always
makes me mad to talk to an actor. He
prctends to listen politely, but his at
tention is wandering all the time. Ever
notice it?" no. l always talk to
them about themselves. "-Philadel.
rbia Ledger.
Owner Of Fishpond Ito man who 10
respasslng,-Don't you see that sign.
NO fishing here? Angler-Yes, and
dispute it. Why. there's good fish,
ing here. Look at this basketful. Tho
man must have been mad who put
that board up.
ut was only five years ago that
started in with our firm Mt five dollars
| a week." said Bragg, "and now earn
fifty week without any trouble"
That's SO; it's easy to earn that" re-
piled hewitt, but how much do you
get?"-Philadelphia Press.
lda-I don't believe Mr.. Smart be-
lieves my handkerchiefs are linen.
May-Why not? Ida-I told him
had my pin money wrapped in my
handkerchief and lost it. He said
there was a great deal of money lost
in cotton these dnys.-Chicago News.
Tommy -To-morrow' your birthday,
amt it. ma? 1 wisht l had dollar;
I'd buy you a present. Ma-That's
thoughtful Of you, my dear. But why
do you need dollar? Tommy-'Cause
that's the price of 1t. It's the dandi-
est catcher's mask YOU ever saw
Philadelphia Press.
Fond Mother-I don't know what to
do. l want to send my daughter to
college, and yet don't want to send
her into the world unprotected. Wise
visitor, who has observed the daugh-
ter's tlisposition-You mean that It
would be unkind to send her out into
the unprotected world
Never say again that 4 newspaper
writer is not a master of diplomacy.
One of the fraternity was TO write up
the history of an old lady of 9S. He
was told she had never so much as
learned her letters. Did he blurt It
out in print? Not bit of it. He
merely stated on his finely written
article that "she can read the finest
print MS well as she ever could"
\ Lnrge Russian Families.
The statistical committee OF tho
| ,roy;nca ne Nnrnnoyh Rucaio a fo;,1u