davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Cairo bulletin., 1904-07-05


Season Tickets.
Sixty Day Tickets.
Fifteen Day Tickets.
Coach Excursion Tickets TO 81
Louis Worlds Fair viii be- on eaic
Tuesdays and Thursdays until June
Goth. inclusive. from certain points.
Warsaw. Ind. season tickets, from
May 18th. 10 September 30th. 1901
iuciu'ive
Warsaw. Ind, fifteen day excursion
tickets. May 18th. 10 September Goth.
1905. inclusive
For full information and particu.
lars as 20 rates. tickets. limits. cali on
Agents "Big Four Route" or addres
tie undersigned
WARREN '. LYNCH,
General Pas a. Ticket AT. Cincin-
nafi. Ohio.
I'M. STONE. ELMER SMITH.
T.PA. Ticket AGENT.
Cairo. Illinois.
The Cairo bulletin., 1904-07-05
ILLIN0ISCENTRAL R. RICO
Bulletin of Rates.

Worlds Fair: Louisiana Purchase tx
position. st. Louis, Mo. April 80 De
cemher 1st, 1904. S745 round trip
tickets sold daily commencing Apri
18th, TO November 18th Inclusive
limited to return December 15th, 1904
s6.20 round trip, tickets sold daily
commencing April 18th to November
Goth bearing return limit of sixty
(6OJ, days from date OF sale.
Summer school, Knoxville, Tenn,
June 2Sth, Aug. 5th, 1904. S13,75 to
Knoxville, and return account the
above occasion, tickets sold June 20,
q, N, July 5, 6, IL, II, IS and 18th,
bearing return limit of Is days from
date Of sale; except an extension un.
til September 30th may be obtained
under certain conditions.
Peabody Normal summer schools,
Nashville, Tenn. June 9Th, Aug. 3rd,
1904. 6.35 to Nashville and return
account the above occasion. tickets
sold June5, 8, 7, Is, 20, July 3, 4, 8,
bearing return limit Of Is days from
date of sale; except an extension un.
til September 30th, may be obtained
under certain conditions.
$3.50 Dawson Springs and return
$3.50 Cerulean Springs and return
1886 Crittenden Springs and return
ind $40 Grayson Springs and return
Tickets sold daily limited to return
October 3lst, 1904.
Fourth of July rates. Tickets win
lie sold TO points north of Cairo with
in goo miles July End, 3rd and 4th
at rate of one and one-third fare linn
tied to return July 9Th, 1904.
South Of Cairo, tickets will be sold
July End, 3rd and 4th to all points on
line at rate Of one and one-third fare
limited to return July Sth, 1904.
National Democratic convention
ST. I.onis, Mo, July 9Th, 1901, $3.50 TO
St Louis and return account the
above occasion, tickets to be sold
July 2nd, 3rd 4th, 5th ami 9th. lin
tied to return Is days from date OF
sale.
For full particulars call or address
the undersigned.
A. H. HANSON.
General Passenger Agent
J. II. JONES,
Ticket Agent.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1904-01-03
SOME coon DINNER STORIES.
The Man Who Tells Them Always
Has a Fresh Auditor.


There Is a tail lean-faced baid-head-
cd man, who always eats his luneheon
in certain corner of a downtown cafe.
he always has some friend at the table
With him, and, according to the testi-
nonE Of the walters, he never eats with
the same friend twice. There used to
be a runlor that the reason for this
cOnstant ohense of eonEauionship was
because the frisnd paid the bin but the
head waiter at last killed the story by
q fiat contra jiction.
Those who have CHANGED to Overhear
the bald, lean man, however. firmly be
lieye that he needs q new face in front
OF MIN each day in order to have his
stories appreciated. They are always
the same stories. and each seems to be
inspired by a different dish- The soup
viii prompt one story. the meat an
other. and there win be one for every
kind OF vegetable.
Thus when the soup is brought on
the bald. thin man VIII smile and say:
In ordering soup I always think of
the Chinaman, who made an oyster
stew. John worked for a wealthy old
lady, who knew how to cook, and who
always instructed her servants in the
preparation of her dishes. When she
first showed John how 10 make an Oys-
ter stew, she found that the milk was
sour, and, accordingly, she threw it
away. Then she put in some fresh milk
and completed the task. About a month
after that, when showing some visit
oFs the house and telling them what
a wonderful Chinaman she had, she
came Up0n JOAN IN the act Of making
an oyster stew. John took the milk
pitcher, and quietly poured al Of its
contents into the drain. Then he took
some more milk and made the stew
The fish story that always gees with
the second course runs as follows:
Talking about fish, did you ever
hear Of the fishing contest between two
Adirondack ANGLERS? Well, one OF them
bet that a worm was the best bait, and
the other bet on minnOws. The money
was put up, two witnesses We're called
in, and the two fishermen seated them
selves in the end Of a boat. They had
agreed that the man who landed a
trout first with his bait should get the
money. Finally the man who had a
ininnow for bait felt a nibble. and
[ hauled out Of the water a magnificent
mountain trout.
I've won the bet he said, as he
pulled in the fish, and one witness was
just about to hand him the $40. when
they discovered that both hooks were
in the fishs mouth. On closer exam
ination II was found that the minnow
had swallowed the worm. The two men
got into such a dispute over the matter
that they finally upset the bQat. and az
were drowned save a solitary witness,
who lived to tell the tale
Should the bread that is placed on
the table be nodded in long, thin rolls,
the bald, thin man viii say:
Il suppose you have heard the story
of the man who bought a loaf Of Wen
ia bread and got on train. He fell
asleep and let the bread protrude out Of
the window When he awoke he found
three mail bags hanging on to that loaf
Of bread"
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1904-01-03
ANoTBER JAIL SUICIDE.

THE FOOLISH and unnecessary
4 noises with which we are accus-
tened TO usher in the new year cost
"A human life Thursday night a mis-
cradle, drink-eUrsed man, who was suf-
feriHg from delirium tremens, con-
Guided to escape the phantoms that
pursued him. He stuffed cotton into
LIS nostrils and a handkerchief n his
mouth. Then he slowly strangled to
death. The time he chose for destroy
ing himself was comprised in the few
minutes before and the few minutes
after midnight.
In dying the man ehoked horribly.
He threshed around in his cell, beat
ing the floor with his heels and max
ing so much noise that the prisoners
confined near him knew what was go
ing on with as much certainty as if
they were beside him. They tried to
attract the attention Of the jail Of
ficials. Frantically they shouted and
hammered the walls of their cells.
Other prisoners took up the cry, but
nobody heard them outside. The New
Year celebration was on.
Whistles were blowing, bells were
ringing. firearms were being dis
charged. The city was welcoming the
new year in the only way the Ameri-
can public seems TO know how TO vel
come anything Nobody heard the
prisoners in the city jail as they tried
to save a life while the old year died
and the new one was bern. The sui
eide aoundered and gasped and choked
for minutes. but gradually death came
Il him His struggles ceased and he
lay stiil. The policemen, a few feet
away, We're wishing one another a
Merry New Year. The people on the
street were exchanging similar greet
ings- The prisoners, knowing their eff
forts had been in vain, went back to
their hard beds.
The new year was more than two
hours old when a police sergeant visit
ed the Jail. 1t is quite probable that if
an arrest had not been made he would
have remained away from it. He was
100 late TO help the man who had de-
cided to die Unfortunately this is not
the first time this very thing has hap
Dened with some variations. at the
city Jail on the last occasion the pub
lie was informed that in future a tour
would be made by some designated Of
fcer through the jail at least once ev-
cry half-hour.
1t would seem that this rule has been
abrogated. At least it was not en-
forced on the night of Dec. 81. Tt is
in order TO ask why, if such a rule ex-
lists, it was not enforced?
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1904-01-03
AAKiSe THEATRES SAFER.

HE IR0QUOIS DISASTER in Chi
cago IS having the effect Of making
city authorities, not only IN Chicago
but throughout the country, look into
the matter of the protection or lack OF
protection to the theatne-going public.
Several theatres in Chicago have been
ordered closed until they have been
provided with asbestos curtains. Else
where fire escapes Of greater capacity
are being ordered Installed and wider
ana more numerous exits are demanded.
Nevertheless ahe greatest possible
number Of exits and fire escapes could
not have prevented terrible loss of life
under circumstances such as those in
the IroqEOis fire. a momentary loss Of
sef-control, a wild, unneasoning panic,
was responsible for the greatest num-
Der of fatalities. It should be borne in
mind that people have been killed in
panics outside Of theatres. They have
been tHampled on and crushed to death
IN the open air where every opportunity
OF escape was offered.
We recall particularly the terrible loss
Of life which occurred on the occasion
Of a great dinner, given to thousands
'of starving citizens Of Russia. Long
tables were spread IN the open air and
hundreds Of soldiers were on hand to
preserve order. In spite Of all the pre-
cautions taken there was q crush and
a panic in which hundreds Of lives
were lost. A human stampede is as I'M
reasoning as a stampede among cattle.
Impress every individual IN a crowd of,
say, 5000 people, with the understand
ing that if he does not get away in
stantly he win be killed, and some
body, perhaps hundreds, RiH be crushed
TO death no matter wLsre the crowd
is standing or sitting.
Another point about the Chicago af-
fair which does not seem to be reeeiv-
ing the consideration it deserves, espe-
ciaHy in regard 10 the precautions for
future safety. is the gas tank feature.
TWO tanks used for generating a certain
kind of gas that makes a soft, white
light, were on the stage at the IrOQuois.
These tanks exploded, throwing a broad
sheet Of fame from the stage to the
topmost gallery and killing dozens o.
people where they sat. An asbestos
curtain in working order might have
saved these people. but exits. never. for
they had no time TO start for any exit.
The gas tanks, no matter how beau
tiful the light produced by their use
may be. should be abolished.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1904-01-03
coTToH BREAKS RECORD.

UNLESS SOMETHING HAPPENS to
y pull down the price of cotton, it
won't be long before the man who
adulterates wooden goods with cotton
threads viii be looked upon as man
would be who would "adulteratev a
silver dollar by putting lot Of sold
into it. Not in fifty years has the price
of cotton been 50 high as today Ex-
perts have estimated that as a result
the south viii fairly wall0w in prosperi-
ty Tor long time TO come. With cot
ton at from y to II cents a pound the
south can well afford to smile.
1t is different, though, with the hun
dreds of thousands Of employees in the
cotton. mills of the country. Many
manufacturers have found it more pre-
6tabIe to send their cotton to the mar
kets than to weave it into cloth. Thou
sands Of workers have been forced out
of employment and thousands of others
are facing d wage reduction The con-
sumner must also be considered. A very
large proportion of the people who u.s.
cotton goods is made up of wage-gvOrl1-
ers and those whose income is small.
They wiz feel very keenly any ad-
vances in the prices Of articles they
are compelled to buy. Ard they will
buy Just as little as they can possibly
get along with. Nor can the end Of the
high prices be foreseen. It was pre-
dicted last summer that the great cot
ton bull" Daniel SUlly, who has made
millions of dollars out OF the upward
movement, would be crushed in the
fall when the crop was harvested.
Then the crop was harvested and, be
cause it was very short compared with
previous years. cotton has gone higher
than ever. A few days ago on the New
York exchange the records for the last
Fifty years were all wiped away. And
stin Sully is buying, buying, buying.
The question is: How much longer
cap SuIIy- and his associates hold out.
The cotton spinners and the manufac-
turers OF cotton cloth have been pushed
to the verge of ruin now They cannot
buy any cotton at present rates and
sell the manufactured products at for
mer prices. Material increase in prices
viii inevitably result in reduced con-
sumption. The emily thing to do is for
them to wait until sully has bought all
the cotton he can, carry. The man can
not go on forever.
Some day he must begin TO sell in
large lots and then the price of cotton
viii go down as rapidly as it has gone
up. Then, too, the crop this year may
be tremendously large If it is, it win
not be hard to see the finish Of Mr..
Sully.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1904-01-03
Why the Eggs Would Not Hatch.
fN-o,4- xorl- rTrib71r7e

Senator Reed Smoot is the manager
Of the Provo wooden mills of Utah, and
in the town of Provo there lives an
aged vegetarian with whom Mr.. SmoOt
often argues vegetarianism warmly.
The old man. one day, attacked Mr..
Smoot with more than usual vehem-
srce.
II don't merely tell YOU" he ex-
claimed. that you should not eat meat.
I go so far as TO tell you, sir, that you
should not eat eggs
oh, come, the other said, you are
growing fanatical now. Not eat eggs?
What harm is there in eggs2'
This harm" cried the old vegetarian:
Eggs change into meat, hatch into
meat, and therefore they are meat"
The kird Of eggs ] eat wOuldn'
hatch into meat" said Mr.. Smoot.
oh yes, they would" said the vege-
tarian
Il say they wouldn't" insisted the
ofker.
why wouldn't they? Tell me wig
they wouldn't said the old man.
Because" said Hr Smoot, I eat
tkem boiled, not raw"
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1904-01-03
PROFESSOR NEWELL COMING.

IT Is ANNOUNCED that Professor
L Newell OF the United States geo.
logical survey Is coming to Salt Lake
the latter part of this month to consult
with Chairman Doremus OF the Utah
arid land commission and other mem
bers of that body in regard to national
irrigation projects for this state. It is
much TO be hoped that some definite
advance VIII be made on this occasion.
So far as Utah is concerned, and in
spite OF the best efforts Of her citizens.
rational aid for irrigation has thus far
been what the late Dir. ingalls, would
call 'an irTidescent dream"
There has been a good deal Of talk
about this project and that, but the
government has not taken serious hold
OF any In Arizona hundreds Of men
in the employ Of the government are
now actively engaged in digging a res
ervoir that will reclaim thousands Of
acres Of land. In other states surveys
have been made and sites selected.
Utah, the originator Of the irrigation
movement, the state which has a better
right than any other in the arid and
semi-arid west TO expect the first re-
turns from the national irrigation law,
has been neglected.
+. 5. Richards attorney for the arid
lard commission, who has been in
Washington for some time on irriga-
ton business. is quoted as saying that
be found Professor Newell very favor
ably inclined toward several Utah prop
ositions, and that he specially favored
the well known Utah lake project. The
Herald would like something more from
Professor Newell than assurances of
friendliness It would like for him to
definitely recommend some irrigation
scheme to the department, to the end
that work on it might be begun at once.
IT is apparent that unless sucn a rec
oumend4tion Is made Utah viii never
be the scene OF national irrigation
work
The Herald has 10 interest in any
special irrigation project in Utah. II
does earnestly desire that project Sc
1ected for government aid which viii
yield the greatest possible good for the
money expended. The need for more
leii4u Ati La tt4lAts AAt AOaSS % DTtpiiltiis
more apparent every day The popu-
latlon Of Salt Lake is increasing rapid
Iy. So is the population Of the state.
The new people must be fed. as
wei as housed and clothed. We
are compelled TO bring in from
other states fruits and vegetables which
we should raise here.
a suitable irrigation enterprise com
pieted by government aid would rem
edy the greater part Of this trouble.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1904-01-03
Fame's Hail Marks.
Philadelphia Post.)


Truly is the mark Of genius beyond
hiding. The delightful author-artist,
+. HopkiHson smith, has his title writ
ten clear in many ways. He has the
mark Of a genius even to his dress
ar. Smith is remembered in the Fran
cenia Notch Of the White mountains.
BOT for his attachments in the field Of
art, but as g hover Of the rod and a
picture feller." bUf more especially
clearly for his trousers.
Il happened recently that a follower
Of IzaGk Walton, returning from an
afternoon spent with the trout in a
brook near the Franc0nia range, was
hailed with the hail OF an anglers,
What luck p" from a member Of wa
CONS by the roadside bare Of foot and
picturesque. The talk. from fish and
fishing, fell TO fishermen. DO you
brow Frank SMITH" inquired the wa
son member sac fishermen admitted
knowledge Of many Smiths of high and
low degree, but was not positive in his
Identification of the specified Frank.
Frank Hopkins0n Smith, I mean,
explained the member Of wagons.
Pleasant Renaissance lighted up the
faces Of both men. II" unused the
yheeiHright, used L know him we'll
Great feiSf, \ RANK -NeFeI kH0Neu
anybody quite like him. Used { see
him pretty often most every summer
for fifteen years. Made pictures and
fshed. Never dressed like other folks.
When anybody got anything like his
he jes' lined out fer something differ
ent Wore the first short pants ever
seen on a man up here, and the hull
darned suit looked as if it was made
outen an ingram carpet with big fig-
gers. Amt ever seed another, suit ike
IL. and don't expect TO. Mighty good
feIIer and painted purity pictures. But
them pants-say. I can't fergit 'em,
They was the goi-GuTndest pants l
ever gel"
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1904-01-03
Natural Inference.
(BOstOn POst1

Miss Gladys Deacon, the American
girl whose originality keeps her in the
public eye amazed a scientist whom
she met recently a. a London dinner
party.
Tie scientist narrated in great detail
TO the girl a series of experiments he
was conducting with the microphOne.
The microphone, he explained,
"Inagni3es sounds 20 the ear as the
microscope magnifies objects to the
Eye The footballs of a centipede,
heard through the microphone, resem-
BE a tattoo on kettledrum. The
dropping Of a pin is like the report of
a cannon"
'tThat is very Interesting and odd p
said Miss Deacon.
'aThis afternoon, resumed the sci
enlist, Il caught a fly and studied its
note The note resembled the neighins
Of a horse
Perhaps" said the young girl, cit
was a horseiy-"
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1904-01-03

Another coastng accident, one which
may result fatally 10 at least one MEM
Der Of the party, has been reported.
Hardly a year passes in Salt Lake
without a coasting fatality. It seems
impossible to keep the boys and girls
away from this form Of sport. The ex-
hilaration which accompanies a swift
ride down a steep hill is almost ire
sisdble, and the young people are
hardly TO be blamed if they like it,
The Herald would not puc a stop to
their pleasure, except ia cases where
street car tracks, but it would impress
upon them the necessity for being
careful.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1904-01-03
Heroic Fireman at Mercur.
NTarc11r NTiner1

A great excitement was crea ted the
other evening by a fire in one of the Con
Mercur houses. The first to discover the
fire were ar Viii Jaynes and Mr. Tom
Osman, and both mounted boldly to the
roof and began a search for the fire with
a pitchfOrk. The first indication the in
mates - the house thr. and Mrs Werdinl
knew of the fire was when Jaynes came
tumbiing through the roof and onto "a rcd
bot stove and Osman came tUmbHnC
after" The only injury was to the brave
firemcn volunteers, who were tenderlV
cared for. Mr.. Con. Evers also deserves
credit for the way he took to the hills
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1904-01-03
Pointed Paragraphs.
(Chfcago NeWs1


Fashions leaders always follow it.
A female optiinist is a woman who
smiles when she meets a masculine
bore.
Doctors are not trying to commune
cate with spirits when they wire skel-
etons.
If a girl throws a man over its be-
cause she isn't hopelessiy in love with
him.
A mans idea Of an eccentric woman
is one who goes to tae opera TO hear
the music.
The man who goes to the bad never
thinks Of providing himself with Re-
turn ticket.
Ii would be an easy matter for all
men to face the world if It wasn't fof
their creditors.
A man who is thrown upon his own
resources Is apt to make an occasional
raid upon the resources Of others.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1904-01-03
Would Profit by his Death.

One Of the newest of Senator Depew' s
stories is that of q man who resides at
Peekskiu and who is known thereabOut
for lig sporting prociivities.
He vas recently invited by a friend.
the owner of a fine SiOOp, TO go sailing
on the Hudson. A squat came up ard
during the excitement that ensued the
owner Of the sloOp was pitched into the
water While the man overheard was
struggling for his life, the friend who
could MOI sEim. and who therefore
made no attempt to go To the rescue OF
his companion, peered anxiously over
the side of the vessel
tAbyt' 'Abyi he called out excited
L. when his friends head appeared
above the water for an instant, If you
dent come up for the third time can
I have the bOat2'
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1904-01-03
- 81 &C Friend.

sally PsaIter she was young teacher
who taught.
Fer friend. Charley Church. was 2
preac her who praught.
Though his enemies called him sereech-
er who scTaGglt.
Sally and Charley marry. bat later his
warm love coCls and he deserts her.
sWretchr' she cried. when he threatened
to leave her-snd let's
How could you deceive noe as you have
And he answered. Il promised to eleaye,
and I've eleftI'
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1904-01-03
Reflections Of a BACHELOR.
- - -

A woman in business is natural as
a man rolling a baby carriage in the
park.
The worst thing about the way wo-
men dress is the way their knees chap
IN winter.
Either you cuss the furnace because
It went burn or because it burns 100
much coal.
Anyway, a bachelor doesn't bore
everybody to death telling what smart
things his children say.
It is a great comfort 10 a wife to
feel that if she had married better than
she did she might not be as good a
woman as she is.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1904-01-03
wondered at Physicians skill.

James Lane Allen has some friends
VINO have an Irish maid. green as the
proverbial grass, named Bedeiis- Be
Celia had q sore throat, and the family
physician was asked to prescribe.
Shpge, an he's the wonderful man
eaia }eaelia. He told ms I must wear
sanaeis- Eow could. he discover jist
b ieohin4down nay throat that I'd new
er q flannel 90 me-
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1904-01-03
The Drama in Gunnison.
(Gunnison Gazette.)

Stoves Ten Nights in q Barr0o4n
company. which played in GunnisOn Tues
day night, proved to be no cOmmon at
traction. Il had a fine band that served
an oDen-aiT concert in the afternoon It's
orchestra attending the performance was
excellent. The play went off with sur
prising precision, something 50 seldom
seen at oar opera house Alvin Wyelxoff
took the part Of Joe Morgan most admir-
ably. and bat for the OVERRIDING IN the
comedy part the company as whole did
well. The patronage was good ard an
who attended were well satisfied The
aftershoW given BY the company was rot
so satisfactory.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1904-01-03

tioR Of the remarkable Testimony.
What they eventually got was this
There wasn't any hole in the road.
Here's my hat. If I jam nay hand into
the top of g Without pushing il
through il does not make hole. It
makes a dent That's what WAS IN thas
road-jUst a dent.