Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1904-04-22
sToRIETTEs.


ington is telling good story about
Or. Hale. He says he was once travel
ing in the back country Of Oregon,
and. going to little inn for lodging.
was surprised to see large picture
of DR.. Hale on ,Ae wall. The woman
Of the house explained it thus: well,
you SEQ, good many strangers come
here and want me to keep 'em, and
| don't know anything about 'em, but
If they know Edward Everett Hale's
picture know they're good for some
thing, and I let 'em stay"
This happened in Scotland: The
last editions of the newspapers, with
the result of the great Perth walk,
had been sold out, and the boys were
calculating their takings. "Hullo."
said Jimmy, in alarm, I'm 'apenny
snort!' We'll what's the use OF
'arpin on it?' growled Dick, as the
calmly cracked a nut; you don't think
TOOK it, do you?" mo. don't say
you ave-" said Jimmy, SLOWLY
don't say you ave. But there it is.
I'm 'apenny short and you're a.eat-
ing nuts, yer know"
When President Nicholas Murray
Butler was at college, certain fresh
men of his time made no scruple OF
stealing pail of milk which dairy
man daily placed out side the door of
Mr.. Buffers room while the occupant
was in class. In order to foil the ma
:auders, the future president Of Co
.umbia composed, one day, q formid-
able legend which he printed in very
deep letters and placed over the pail.
| It read: II have poisoned this milk
with arsenic" Upon his return he
found the milk intact, but added to
his notice we're these appalling words:
so have we."
There was once an early day miner
who, after many years, made his pile,
and coming down to San Francisco,
| looked about for the most splendid
! restaurant he could find. He wanted
70 make up to himself In one glorious
eight for all his privations and hard
ships Of many years. When he found
his restaurant and the waiter handed
him the bill of fare, he found it was
q language that is not commonly
spoken in mining camps, and that he
could not make out anything but the
| ,rices, which were extremely high.
So he turned to the waiter with,
Bring me one hundred dollars worth
of hams and eggs"
Judge E. H. Gray. chairman of the
executive committee of the Steel
Trust, has favorite story of bright
eight-year-old boy, clergyman's son.
Judge Gray was dining with the fam
| lily once, and during dinner said to the
boy: Look here, Joe, have ques-
ton to ask you about your father"
The boy looked gravely at him. "All
right; I'll answer your question" he
said. WELL, sad the Judge, II want
to know If your father doesn't preach
the same sermon twice sometimes"
eyes, I think he does," said Joe, "but
the second time he always hollers in
different places from what he did the
first time"
Tolstoy told Isabel Hapgood, who
has translated many Of his books, a
| good story of one of his ancestors.
an army officer, who was an excellent
| mimic. One day, he was impersonat.
ing the Emperor Paul to a group of
his friends. when Paul himself enter.
| ed and for some moments looked on,
unperceived, at the antics of the young
man. Tolstoy finally turned, and, be-
holding the emperor, bowed his head,
and was silent. Go on sir" said
PAUL; continue the performance. y
The young man hesitated q moment,
and then, folding his arms and initial
Ing every gesture and information OF
his sovereign, he said: "TOlstoy, you
deserve to be degraded, but I remem-
Der the tnoughtlessness of youth, and
you are pardoned." The Gar smiled
slightly at this speech. well, be it
So" he said.
A couple of teachers entered San
francisco car lately, and fell into a
chat concerning the accomplishments
and shortcomings of their pupils,
whom they termed, in regular teacher
style, "Your children" and "My child
rem" One Of them, looking up pres
emily, bestowed decorous bow upon
gentleman in the car, salute which
the latter acknowledged somewhat
grudgingly. Some nve minutes later
the fair pedagogues started to leave
the car, but on the way out the one
whose greeting had been snubbed,
passed in front of the snubber, and
said, distinctly: II must Apologize
for bowling to you just now. thought
recognized you as the father Of one
of my children" Exit pedagogues.
Tableau.
A widows first husband is invari-
ably the best.
!. Many who formerly smoked 1Oc cigars