New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1904-12-31


fish hunor: In a dull Scottish village. on dull
morning. one neighbor called at anothers house
He met at the door by his friends wife. and
the conversation which ensued this: "Cauld?
"Ay." "Is John inn" lou. ay! he's in "Can
see him2" Ma" But a winted tae him
"Ay. but ye Gamma see him. Johns deid-" "Deid?"
"Ay." SUDDEN" "Ay." ''Verra sudden?" LAY,
vera sudden" "Did he say anything ABBOTT pot
o green pent afore he deed?"
THE OLD MANS TROUBLES.
Yeh see tn frost is bound ter cum,
An folks thet hxes things raoGnd hum
VIII fencs up things where oil Jack sreads.
An worry over posey beds.
Pertectin ern with kivers.
Teh hetch cold yerseIf some me, night.
A-blowtn' an a-sneezin.
Yer wife ANT sure tn troubles past.
Dead set tibet "somethins freezln.''
GGenfa .a this thing Of hide an, seek.
rs on p5 IL po?eh- lSsoS n til @2 sun@
Jest keeps a Teller on tn run
Irsurin' 'gainst his losses.
Them pricldy things! Dad burn them plants
wisht tn frost would bite EN-.
Ter make max IN; men folks 50 bi9omin' mad
They'd like ter cuss er fight en-
Wal. wtr1Inln dote on sech affairs
But it don't seem ter falze EN-:
Still I allow this world OF ours
Would be some palmer thout its flowers.
-Appncotr's Magazine.
The warfare of the sexes has taken new turn
IN Knoxville. Tenn gambling house there was
recently raded by the police and a number of
well known young were arrested. The girls
of the city are demanding that the police make
public the names OF the men, threa tening to cut
the offenders acquaintance. The men treat the
matter as Joke and have asked the hairdressers
Of the city to publish the names OF all the girls
who wear switches"
Claim day brings lot of curious characters TO
the Capitol at Washington. Recently constltu-
loag roll of manuscript. He called for Nj Aludd
he s5 5G 10 Mud YoGf c ef9s qa
Mud. Why. YOUR claim was thrown out years
xed it up A You he Sa Entitled iae o5neG W.
there never was nothing the matter with the
Court that took the claim up found flaw in that
dinged old Gonstitpttcn ard had to knock my
YOU know."-Crroy Times.
The proposal to permit the uss OF spectac.es to
British soldiers is reminder that from their pro-
hib;tion came the monoce. according to Tho I:uf-
falo Commercial" About century ago army
order issued forbiGding officers eye
glasses or spectacles. But 4 short-sighted officer
belonging to crack cavalry regiment had
mind to resign his commission or stumble blindy.
ard he invented the single eytsiaSs When called
to account BY the authorities he claimed that the
c0ntraveue the ordar against sncctacles and
glasses In the plural. Red tape accepted this lit
eral rendering of the law. and becoming popular
in the british army. the monocle was adopted by
civilian beaus.
Otherwise Occuried.-"Ian't the climate rather
bad in your Tarc of the country" Yes answered
difference. We are so busy with revolutions inst
NOBODY has uCla to notice the ciimate.'-lWash-
iHstou Star
Dying at the age OF ninety-thres. James p
Smith Of Alameda. the Oldest surviving member
Of tho Society of California Pioneers. said 70 lis
doctor: Don't let them say died OF old age.
Put It down % something else. Old age has not
conquered me-" The death certificate said It was
pneumonia.
Pandora's box brought also a pair Of gIasses-
the whiskey glass % mans undpiHE. tie looking
glass of WomaE's.-tPrtEoeton Tiger.
There is q man of seventy in Paris. named Wal
lace Superneau, who still sleeps IL the cradle he
was rocked in when baby. and he has never
slept one night of his long life any other bed.
The youngest OF a family Of boys. Wallace re-
tanned his place in the cradle he grew older lie
became too tail lie in it fun length. but Ito
overcame this difficulty by drawing his knees up
ward. Each night to this day he rests his feet
squarely on the bottom Of the cradle. sways his
knees to and fro and rocks himself to sleep he
did when a small boy. The habit was formed IN
babyhood and never broken.
dancers)-How wei Mr.. Heavyweight dances! lie
Is so light on his feet. Young lady (who has had
eXperience)-Humphl ] wish he the same on
other people s.-Usmart EoI