West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1904-06-16
Fined Twenty Five Dollars for Ex-
hibiting Without License.

My trials and trbulations are
multiplying instead of decreasing.
TO handle pie-hunters was no easy
task, but to lasso women who 20
forth and assume the role of the
Buffalo Bills and Wild Bills is more
than my sympathetic nature can
stand. Then again, / have repu-
tation among the female population
of our county for gallantry which
hope to hand down to my pos.
terity. 1t will be the only thing
will have left to hand down to them.
My vigorous manhood was devoted
to American politics, and the more
devoted 20 this rainbow chasing
the weaker grew mentally, physi-
cally and fancially. / have never
lost much sleep over the mental
and physical, but the financial part
has caused me to lie down and
weep, and in anguish rue the day
first annouced myself candidate
at the solicitation of many friends,
who, up to this time / had not the
faintest idea how much they enjoy
ed seeing me hit the sod, like my
good and venerable friend, Squire
McGinnis. / kept up this idiosyn-
Grassy until nature rebelled, some.
thing the people had done at my
first announcement. / am free to
say at this age and lamentation
harbor no grudge against the peo-
pie for compelling me to remain
private citizen. / have oft times
thought where ] might have taken
up residence had / gotten hold of
the alluring dollar which is common
lY called "public funds" But |
escaped it and am thankful. Others
who were less fortunate are wear
ing the zebra suit, and l, as one of
the tax reformers have been contri
buting my mite to feed and clothe
the unfortunate.
Old Grover Cleveland when he
was contributing epigrams to the
public press and the pie hunters
were shaving him pretty close for
more pic, said, "a public office is
public Trust" This is the origin
Of the trusts which have sprung up
all over the country and is causing
the platform makers so much trou-
BILE in making platform which
will stand the pressure when it goes
before the people who are crying
aloud.
But am deviating. / must get
back to my trials and tribulations
aud infict them upon a long suffer
ing public.
al have summoned you to appear
before the Throne of Justice" said
Mayor Rufus Holden, in a mild
but commanding voice. ''The law
of this moss-covered and ancient
town is being violated with impunity
A virago has taken the law into
he- own hands. She has invaded
our quiet and peaceful village with
a wild and wooIly show. She has
been giving an exhibition of skirt.
dancing and high kicking which has
thoroughly intoxicated the dreamy
citizens and put them on the ram
page. She styles herself the 'Elec
tro- Kickist Of the Bowery, Maree
Gidley." She defies officers Faw
cett and Pierce, whom command
ed to go and arrest her. 1 then
sent Capt. Carleton {. Pierce with
Company G to bring her before me
dead or alive. She has barficaded
herself in the show house with
Gattling gun sticking through the
poop hole. This has terrorized
Capt. Pierce and his tin soldiers
and they have retreated to Beverly
Hill The last report had from
officers Charley Fawcett and Frank
Pierce they had passed Reedsville
and we're still running. What J
want you to do is to 60 down and
arrest Maree Gidley and bring her
before the strong arm Of the law.
See that she IS well manscled, hand
and foot before your Honor, the
Mayor Of Kingwood / am not
coward, but the Law and dignity Of
this Office must be respected. will
tolerate no skirt-dancing and high
kicking IN my presence. Go forth
and fetch her"
Your Honor, II I have ever
been accused Of cowardice ] have
no recollection Of il ihis moment,
said, with tremor in my voice,
which ives genuine and no limit TO
It, ~ respect the law and would
do anything to make you famous
and hero Of myself The golden
opportunity is before me to crown
US both with glory, but dare not
touch the hem Of her garment. ri
would excite me. am unfori.