The Savannah morning news. (Savannah, Ga.) 1900-current, 1904-01-17
THE GENIAL IDIOT
He Discusses Certain Modern Language.
BY JOHN KENDRICK BANGS.
Copyright, 1904, by John Russell Davidson.

ooh, weI," said Mrs. Pedagog, in
diligently What is the harm? It
shows a sweet and lovely spirit.
There isn't any crime in baby-talk"
''Well-no-it isn't murder or arson,
OF forgery in the third degree" said
the Idiot, but it is bad business Just
the same. I don't envy Willie Binks
when he goes to Yale and takes his
baby-talk with him and tries to DEM
onstrate the Pons Asinorum with it
before room full of his husky class
mates, and later when he goes to ask
j. Pierpont Morgan for a job and
says. 'Mithter Mordan, I'd yike
pyace on one of cor boofer waiI-woads,
L would, tause is allays yiked choo-
croo tars, there1l be a hurry call for
an ambulance the corner of Wall and
Broad streets in which Mr.. William
BinkS, A. B., will be seriously in .
volved. Mr.. Morgan is a man of in
tensely warm and sympathetic nature,
but I don't think he'd stand for Will
lie Binks for two minutes as a posi-
BILE future president of the steel trust"
"rhen there is Tommy Binks." con-
tinued the Idiot. II wouldn't swear
that ii is not a crime to let a nine year
old-boy who may hope some day to be
President of the United States, or at
least a member of Congress, get him
self so saturated with baby talk that.
to be within his reach. Think of Sem )
ator Depew in such predicament. He
wants to address the Senate on the
Panama question: and he rises impress
sively from his chair and says, NTH
ter president, Use been a weadin
about dat funny ittoo pyace tailed
Panama where all dose tunnin' tanals
an waw hats tums fwom, an l want
to tell you wight now dat de boyle
mann come down e. chimbley some
orful dark night an wun away wiz
naughty peoples what won't yet my
bwuVver Teddy have dat new ittoo we
public to pay wiz Do you think
you'd hear applause from the gallery
or Hear, Hears from the Republican
side?
He'd get the jeers from the other
side, all right" said Mr.. Brief
And the usual laughter" suggested
the Doctor.
He'd get those anyhow" said the
Idiot Every good man deserves his
opponents jeers, and every true wit
is entitled to have his speeches pune
tuated with the laughter of his listen
ers, but he wouldn't be allowed to go
abroad every summer. and visit his
friend the King"
why not?" demanded Mr.. Brief.
Because the King wouldn't be fit
company for such d baby said the
through the whole family. Eirlks has
an idea that little Sallie Binks has lit
erary talent. Can you imagine a sue
cessful historical novel written in ba-
by talk? 1t wuv orful dark niRhtie
in Theptember eighteen firteen, wheil
dat drate bid sojy man Napoleon Bony-R
parte twossed de Delaware wibber e
enemy was d pastin' him in de neck
wiz dwefful bid thnow ballth an he
wuv TWIN for hith mamma tho hard
dat hith tearses fwozed thtiff an cling
ed yike ithicles to hith pyitty boo
eyeth."
'Taptain,' he twied to Taptain LIE
Fevre 'pleathe thend a sojy man ober
! de wibber to dat Massey enemy an tell
! 'em if he don't thtoy fwowin thnow
! baalth at me I'll tum over dere an
| thlap him dood an hard. How far
toward publication do you really think
Sallie Binks' historical novel would
get if 1t began like that?"
'She might mail it few tines,
| laughed the Poet. But beyond that 1t
wouldn't go far. Your point is a good
one, but I don't think the habit will
ever arrive at so extreme a stage as
you depict, and as for real baby-talk,
| it has been used very charmingly in
some delicious literature. Riey's
Poems of Childhood for instance.
That's true enough" said the Idiot.
| there could be nothing sweeter than
| baby-talk, but it wouldn't do for the
| state papers of Theodore Roosevelt,
| the published Speeches of William
Jennings Bryan or for Mr.. Charles
Schwab's annual report on the condi-
ton of the United States Steel Con-
structed Pie Trust. l venture to say,
too that II Mr. Whitechoker here were
to get up in his pulpit some Sunday
morning and try to deliver a sermon
couched in the lisping numbers OF
babyhood, he'd receive a call from the
vestry before night armed with an
order upon some convenient lunatic
asylum for six years, board and
lodging thrown in, at the congrega-
TONS expense"
And what did you do about It in
Bink's case?" asked the Bibliomaniac.
Did you point out to him the injury
he was doing his offspring by letting
them continue the soft prattle of their
days of infancy" -e
well" said the idiot. Il meant to
tust as I was leaving him, but"
'eWhat did you say?" queried the
Lawyer -..ie -
II hunked before I got started and
ended up by saying. 'Dood-by, Binksy-
winksy Use had boofer time" said
the idiot. lg..s..,s