Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1904-07-28
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STORIETTES.



chicken house killing eight hens
Jewell Republican.
If anybody wants to know one Of
the things that makes BelOit a good
town, they should open her newspa'
perS and'take a look at the handsome
display of advertising.-Jewell Re-
publican.
A popular young lady asked US the
other day, what was the difference be-
tween a man who dyed sheep tal d an
editor. When we gave IL up she said
1.-THE one Is "lamb dyer" and the
other iS-just an editor. POINTERS.
In the teachers contracts for the
coming year there is a provision re-
curing the districts boards tn pay
the teachers one d,llar for each
teachers association they may attend.
This will add five or six dollars to the
teachers salary, unless the boards cut
out said provisions, Smith County
Pioneer.
"JuSt hear how those old trees In
the orchard moan and groan In the
the storm like a lost soul!, rapsodiz
ed the romantic young lazy who was
spending the summer on the farm.
"Well" scornfully retorted the small
boy. reckon you'd moan and grOan,
too, If you were as full of green apples
as they are!"
A Missouri woman died and was be-
ing carried by fou~ pail bearers. In
passing a sandy part of the road
they stumbled and fell and jOlted the
woman back to life. She lived sever.
al years after that and died. Again
the pail bearers marched to the grave
yard, and when they reached the
sandy spot the husband rushed for
ward and said; "Steady boys, steady~
An old timer revived: An freshman
was sitting on smokers seat In a
street car when a woman sitting down
remarked, "Slr If you were a gentle
man, you wouldn't smoke here. "
"Mum,n be SAID, ''if yez was a lefty,
ye'd go up 'front.'" Pretty soon the
woman burst out, "If you were my
husband I'd give you poison" "Well
mum" returned the IrlShman as he
pulled away at his pipe, "if yez WEI
me wolf Old take 1t.
The story is told Of meeting OF
creditors who were trying to settle
the affairs of merchant who. had
failed for large amount. He insisted
that bis assets were simply nothing
that his wife owned the house In
which they lived; that the family
farm was the property Of his daughter
that the store belonged to his son II
have nothing" he Said "except my
body, which you can divide among
you" "Well Shentlemen," spoke up
a Jewish creditor, "if you do dot,
speak up right now for his gall" And
it was quite apparent to the other
creditors that the Jew would get by
far the largest part Of the man.
The Muscotah Record says a woman
down there made some root beer and
bottled 1t up before it fermented
That night there was a pop in the
cellar and the husband feeling that
there were burglars in the house,
Stealthily approached the cellar door.
Just as he peeped in there was anoth-
er report and he was bit. He then
pOked the muZzle Of a six.Shooter In
to the crack and turning the gun
from side to side, fired a fusion of bull
let's into the darkness like a gatllng
gun. He was then out of ammunition,
but the enemy kept firing and he re.
treated upstairs where his wife was
screaming for help. The neighbors
arrived and found the man soaked in
root beer, while the cellar looked as IL
it had been under skylight after a
man had tried to use 1t for an elevator.
because am a railroad man," said
George Gould, railroad happenings
and incidents interest me. My friends
awareof this, bring me whatever odd
railroad news they come upon. Thus
l heard, the other day, of a good re
venge. 1t seems that, at a suburban
station, a train was starting of one
morning when an elderly man rushed
across the platform and jumped on
one Of the slowly moving cars. The
rear-end brakeman who was standing
by, reached up grabbed the old mans
coat tails, pulled him of the train
" There, he said sternly. I've saved
your life. Don't ever try to jump on
like that again Thank you said the
old man calmly. Thank you for your
thoughtful kindness. 1t is three
hours till next train isn't it?' Three
and a quarter, said the brakeman.