The Birmingham age-herald., 1904-05-08

open Is not discountenanced; and especi- ally would l like to discover in the inter est of statistics, what is the value of a kiss?
 Kiss Par Excellence.
 A stolen kiss, doubtless, would rate above par for that Is a kiss par excel lence. Whats the value of a kiss. any way? sneers a pessimist at my elbow. We'll that depends, l admit, considerably on the imagination, and surely to some extent on the kssee; and perhars .slse on it's possessing prima fn.'' 'su,n mag , netic magic that chemical affinity super venes and roseate rstrospection results. Looking up the !.w on the subject, find a quaint case in Alabama, Kendrick vs. the Atlanta and West Point Railroad, In which the fair plaintiff demanded s5000 because q conductor of said industrial octopus kissed her against her will and her cheek, while going through tunnel. Tunnel kissing opens up a pleasing mine for mental exploration, inasmuch as the poet Moore, labial expert, declares that one kiss in the dark beats dozen In the light-or something to that effect. The lady in the case cited got an award of S25O from an enlightened jury. every mothers son of which would doubtless have given that much to kiss her cheek, double to kiss her lips and quadruple to have the kiss returned. But New York courts have not been so just. As rule, they have set rather a low estimate on this kind of goods In the last case youth who tried to play Copenhagen promiscu- ously on the streets, was fined only s5 per kiss. and such is the glorious altruis- tic superiority of law in New York. where- by the community Is always benefited in preference to the individual no matter how rich, powerful or deserving he or she be-Johnnie Rockefeller or Kettle Green, take your choice-that in this New York case the dollars were not paid over to the original owners of the stolen fruit, but went pro bono publico ct pro bonis moribus into the city treasury.
 Much Legal Warrant.
 Doubtless, however, there was legal warrant for this, inasmuch as a larcenous appropriation of another's lips Is an as- sault and battery. Oliver Wendell Holmes. father of our present chief jus in his poem. The Smack in School" where he says
 "As 'twere a battery of bliss.
 Let off in one tremendous kiss" Hence, as a breach of peace, such action would be justly finable in addition to whatever damages civil suit might se- cure.
 That tunnel kiss cost the railroad s250 and the conductor his job, for the cruel octopus treated him as it treats its en- zines, to-wit, fired him; yet he may have consoled his soul with Tennysons lines: And eyerymore a costly kiss
 The prelude to some brighter world" But there be other kisses of value or of cost besides those to which the risk and rapture of burglary attach Between that antique instance of illegal osculation | that launched thousand ships and I burned the topless towers of Ilon to that labial peccadillo with Leila in Chi | cago which was reported to have been atoned for with a s40,000 check an amaz- | ing amount of racy statistics covering cost from Troy, B. C.. to Chicago, A. D., might be complied
 | l am inclined to think, however that in | spite of elderly embargo or ministerial mandate kisses will neither become rare nor decline in value through overproduc- tion. Other crops may fail but until the Japanese, a kissless nation. shall con quer America 'the kiss crop will continue to abound, 9 luper-abound divinely.