The Savannah morning news., 1904-11-13

coarse, rough people who ar-re sawin'
up lumber an picklin' pork an who
niver had a thought iv tn Higher Life
that makes men aspire to betther
things an INDIGESTION.
They ar-re yeer fathers an mine,
young gintlemen. Can I say worse
thin that? An to think Nv TIN likes iv
thin runnin' this govermint! BY Jove!
if 1 had raynimbered las ChooSdah
that it was iiiction day, I'd have Iarned
firm me mill1man how to vote an
gone down to tn polls an dhriven
thin fr'b power. Well, there's wan
consolation about it all; tn country
won't last long. / noticed tn other
day it had begun to crack. Whin it
sinks, ye'ers thruly will be near tn
edge ready to jump off. Anyhow, It
don't matther much TIL American
people ar-re all gettin' to be Indyans
again. Walkin down to-day 1 OBJ
saryed twinty-two people who looked
to me Indyans. Mex week l intfnd
to verify me conclusyons be buyin' a
picture iv an Indyan. But I'm intire-
ly convinced that in three or four
years at Taste, Wen all be livin' in
wfckey-ups am scalpin' each other
With these few remarks, let us inuuir-
ers FIR knowledge go out an COM
init suicide on tn futball field. Rub
ruh-ruh rlh-ruh! Bazzybazoo, Tuftsl
Il like it. Hinnissy. What I like
most about it is that a coIledge pro-
fissor niver speaks firm impulse. He
thinks ivrything out thurly bofure an
nouncin' his opinyon. TIL theory iv
me larned frind down in Rockyfellar's
colledge that very soon ye'd see me
r-rushin' down Archey Road with a
tommyhawk in me hand. thryin' to
thrade off pony FIR a wife an a wife
FIR bottle iv wood alcohol, didn't leap
out iy his gr-reat brain in a scandal
lous hurry. He pondered it long an
carefully. TIL idee sthruck him at
breakfast while he was eatin' his
prunes an did not machure till he was
half through with tn ham an eggs.
So with Professor Windhaul. He
didn't land on Lincoln till he was sure
iv his ground. He first made inquiries
an found out that there was such a
man. Thin he looked FIR his name
among tn graduates iv Harvard. Thin
he bumped him. It's a good thing Lin
coin was dead befure he was assaulted.
He niver wud have survived tn at
tack
TITS a fine thing FIR tn young men
who set at tn feet iv these larned
docks. A little boy is chased away
firm home an enthers wan iv these
here Summaries. He was licked yes
terdah FIR neglectin' to scrub below tn
chin but to-morrah, he will be cheerin'
wildly while Professor Bumpus tells
him universal suffrage was a bad
break. If he. has weak chest an
can't play fut-ball, he goes on imbib-
in wisdom ontil he arrives at tn dew
pint whin his alma mather hurls him
at tn onfortchnit wurruld. He knows
fifty thousan' things but tn only wan
iv thin that he cud prove is that Hef-
felfinger was a great fut-ball player.
Thin begins his rale colledge career.
TIL postgraduate coorse is tn best in
tn wurrul. TIL enthrance fee is all
he has. TIL wurruld takes it away
firm him tn minyit he thries to APP
ply his colledge professors idee that
undller tn doctrine Nv probabilities
two pair ought to beat three Nv kind.
He hasn't ony wan new professor but
twinty millyon, old an young, rich an
poor, men an women, especially wom-
en-. He can't shirk his lessons. He
has to be up in tn mornin' bright an
arly larnin' an pasSin' examinations
He's on'y told anything wanst. If he
don't raymimber it tn mex time he is
asked, some professor gives him a
thump on tn head. Amy time he
don't like his dear OF alma mather, he
can quit. TIL wurruld amt advar-
tisin' FIR amy students. 1t has no
competitors an tn lists are always
full. TIL coorse lasts firm wan to
sixty years an it gets harder to,rd
tn committeeman day. If he's a good
scholar an behaves himsilf an listens
to tn professors an wurruks hard,
he can graduate with honors. In amy
case, he is allowed to write out his
own diploma. He knows best what he
Is entitled to-
"If We had boy, wud We sind him
to coIledge?" asked Mr.. Hennessy.
well" said Mr.. Dooley, "at tn age
whin a boy is fit to be in colledge,
] wudden't have him around tn house. -