davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1904-09-16
The One Thing Needful.

"Speaking of Brightun's witticisms,"
remarked young Saphead, ''why,
could say smarter things than ne II I
had 4 mind to, doncher know" =:
Il don't doubt it," rejoined Miss
Caustique. I'm sure the only thing
you lack is the mind. "-Cincinnati En-
QuiIer. 4ss
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1904-09-16
His INTERPRETATION.

Little Amzi (who has an inquiring
mind)-Uncle Tim, I saw the word in
the newspaper-whati is the "curricu-
lum" of a college,.
Uncle Timrod (promptly)-Curricu-
lum, eh. Why, that's what them 'ero
mop-headed college students comb
their hair with.-Puck. ~
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1904-09-16
A Difficult Job,

Willias-A fellow never knows what
he can do until-ah-er-,
wallace-Until what? Up
Until he tries to undo something hs
has already hometown Tobics.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1904-09-16
Rather Liked It.

Bouttown-This women's emancipa-
ton movement isn't such a bad thing,
after all. I've been keeping company
with Miss Stronghold lately, and
rather like it. :
Upton-In what way, particularly?
Bouttown-Well, for one thing, she
insist on paying her own expenses
N. Y. Weekly. I
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1904-09-16

observance, al
though it is the
date of q very i'm
-portant, If some
what painful, Incl
dent in American
history. On that
day, just 80 years
ago the little town
of Bladensburg,
six miles from the
national capital,
wasthe scene Of one
of" the hottest little
fights Of the Sec
ond war with Eng,
land. The British
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1904-09-16
Reward Offered.

The bandit struck an attitude,
While pride safe on his brow.
Said he: I'm swelled with gratitude.
I'm worth a Aousand now"
Chicago Examiner.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1904-09-16
Twill Be Lower.

Don't fret because coal may be high
Next winter; just begin
To think-'twill low and lower get
When once it's in the bin.
philadelphia Bulletin.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1904-09-16
Her Sweet Little Brother.

Her sweet Little Brothef. '".'.s
Dashaway-You say your sister will
be down in a minute, Willie? That's
good news. thought perhaps she
wanted to be excused, as she did the
other day.,
Willie-Not this time. played a
trick on her.
Dashaway-What did you do?
II said you were another fellow!'
exclaimed Willie, triumphantly.-N:-
Bits.
Defining Him.
Explain, If you please said Miss Prim.
What you mean by that slangy word
'slob."
Said Miss Pert: tits man with long
mustach
Who eats green corn on the cob.''
Chicago Tribune.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1904-09-16
A Deficient Education.

A brilliant young woman named Nudge.
The child Of a talented judge,
On desert Isle cast
Had plainly to fast,
For she could make nothing but fudge.
cleveland Plain Dealer
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1904-09-16
Slow Transformation

Benham-Our boy was a pretty baby,
but he gets palmer every day.
Mrs. Benham-Well, you didn't ex-
pect him to get to look like you all at
once, did you?-Tit-Bits.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1904-09-16
Suspicious,

Suspicious. :,
"Im sorry / had to refuse you"
"Heard about it, did your" =
about what?' -:
1.-THE death of my rich uncle.
Houston Post.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1904-09-16

-
a certain figure, democratic victory Is
foreshadowed. The man whom repub-
lican leaders expect to hold Vermont up
to the required standard is Senator Red
field Proctor, and his position as con-
troller of republican destinies in that
state would make him Of national i'm
portance were his achievements in state
craft and national affairs to be forgot
ten.
For some weeks republican attention
has been focused upon this veteran New
England statesman and political leader,
and the management of the state cam
paign in Vermont has as usual been IN
der his control and direction. proctor
is not losing any tricks this year." said
one of the managers of the national cam
paign as he reviewed the work of the
veteran senator few days ago. One
of the big cards which the senator plays
us to bring into his little state some Of
the biggest guns in the republican camp
so that the opening of the state cam
paign is. really the first skirmish for the
national election. Senator Proctor has his
own way of wheedling prominent men
onto the stamp in Vermont. Those who
have liking for sports the senator in
veiges with promises of extraordinary
trout and bass fishing, and to others he
= holds out the delights of summer re-
sorts and pure mountain air, while to
those of agricultural prOclivities he pre-
sents the attractions Of his own we'll
kept farm. golden butter, rich Jersey
milk and the fresh fruits of the soil.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1904-09-16

Burning Of the Capitol.
August oath passed this year, as it
has for many years, without any special
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1904-09-16
Mr.. Monk (who has lost his balence)
DO you know, begin to feel awful'y
down in the mouth.-Ally Sloper.
Undecided,

Ter marry Dinah now or Chloe
All amt decided quite.
All doan' t'ink Chloe would evan bow
Me up, but Dinah might
PHILADELPHIA Ledger.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1904-09-16
At the Washington Zoo.

Uncle Sam is going into the stock
business il the conditions at the nation
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1904-09-16
Washington in Peril.

The anniversary of another very in
teresting historical event in Washing
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1904-09-16

DR.. Doom Gude-A very serious case.
DR.. Wise-1 should say go. He made
an assignment week .ago.-Chicago
Journal.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1904-09-16

The Appropriate Thing.
She called herself, forsooth. q bachelor
- girl,
Assumed manner quite bohemian,
And, after Is seasons giddy whirl.
She married an old granny Of a man.
Chicago Tribune 4 &
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1904-09-16

CcpIeu, III pOA4lACaA
circles. That is, If
the republican ma
jority in the Green
Mountain state eX-
ceeds a. certain fig
'ure, republican
success Is fore
Swallowed in the
general election in
oNovem Der. If,
however, the re-
publican majority
.. = 90
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1904-09-16
Gets Big Men.

This year Senator Proctor secured the
promise Of Speaker Cannon to make
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1904-09-16
washington LETTER B.
WHY REPUBLICAN, CAMPAIGN
STARTED IN VERMONT. A%
PRoCToR's RESPONSIBILITY
His Convincing Way with Great Men
Of His Party-Important Ami
,Yersaries in Capital History
Other Timely Gossip.

. Washington.-As goes Vermont 50
goes the union, is pretty generally &C
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1904-09-16

"Say, but wouldn't I make dandy
umpire. I'm so used ter calm fellers
out on strikes!"-N. Y. Herald.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1904-09-16
NEWS ITEMS,

Next Sunday will be rally day in
the Congi egational Sunday school
and it is very important that all shall
be present. Teachers and officers
should fully realize how important
tho rally day is.
Rev. Madison Peters, D. D., will
give n lecture in the First Congregn-
tional church on Tuesday evening,
September 81. Particulars will be
given later. The subject of the leo,
ture will be, Chow to be happy,
though married.
Miss Susie Dixon is reported worse
The @. 7. O. will givea Woods
Picnic on Saturday, September IT,.
Miss Elna Bloc mfieli, of Iselin,
was in town on Thursday with her
father. M
Miss Edna Tilliard, Of Morristown.
we'll known to some of our young
people, is spending Sunday with Miss
Edna Bloomfield.
Wedding bells will ring this fall
Miss Campbell, q niece of Mr.
Marcus Brown, and n graduate of
Barnard College, will teach tie fifth
grade here this winter.
The Methodists will have n John
Brown sociable in the church parlors
October l..
Tennyson's "Dream of FAIR Women
will be given in the Masonic Hall on
October 6, under the management of
Miss Gertrude MCGOWAN, for the
benefit Of the Epworth League.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1904-09-16
MORE STORM N A

Wednesday nights storm made havoc
with the roads and there are several wash
outs. There is a bad one near VOLTS
store on Bergen Hill. In Mechanicsy1k
this side of the bridge is another big
washout and a telegraph pole fell bringing
the wires down with 1t without breaking
any of them. The new road through the
center of the village which wat filled up
with stone ready for rolling was COM
pletely filled in and covered with sand
that had been dug out and piled on one
side. 1t has undone a pile of work and
VIII cause a great deal more work to get
1t out again. 81
G. NJ. Church's launch, Freak, was
tied out to bulkhead and. one of the ropes
broke causing it to sink and washed out
gasoline tank and "a lot of the coup
lings. The boat was got up all right to-
day. Il Charles billiard found the tank
with a lot of couplings attached, a short
distance this side of Keyport whereTit
had been carried aud washed up by the
Storm
Perth Amboy evening news., 1904-09-16
ABOUT THAT BIG FACTORY.

Here is a story that will explain the
starting of the report concerning a large
factory which was to be built ON the
marsh near the Terra Gotta Works. In
stead of the marsh the story as now told,
has it that 1t was the property owned by
k. S. Conover, for which a company
had agreed to pay Mr.. Conoyer Sl00, 900.
When the party came forward with the
money they started talking about bulk
heading the entire water front of the
pr 'perty, within a few hundred feet of
the channel. The story runs that Mr..
Conover then said you have not pur-
chased the Riparian rights, yoI have
simply purchased my land, not the water
property" and it is said he asked
500, 900 more for the water front an the
deal fell through. The company intended
erecting a large factory, but what kind
OF a factory was not told. We give the
story for what it is worth. Whether 1t Is
a dream, or not we canno say. 1t, how
ever, explains the mystery connected with
the former reports, as none could tell how
the story of the building of in immense
factory that would give EN- ployment to
500 people, originated.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1904-09-16

{ Woodbridge |
T4f
T~ALLACK-WEBBER.

A very pretty wedding occurred
Wednesday evening ut $3.50 O'Clock,
when Miss Frances Laura Weber, Of
this town. and Mr.. John David Tai
lask, of New York. were married by
Rev. J. NJ. McNulty at the BRIDES
home. Miss Edna Brown was maid
of honor. Mr.. John Webber gave the
bride away. A large company of
guests were present, mostly from New
York and Newark.
The bride was attired in q beautiful
gown of white silk muslin and a tulle
veil, and carried q handsome bouquet
of BRIDES roses. The rooms were
bea utifully decorated with golden rod
and greens. Although the evening
was a very stormy one, all had a de-
lightful time.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1904-09-16
MARROW ESCAPE.

SCharles Nelson, who keeps a hotel In
Kr%eischerville, had a narrow escape from
being killed Wednesday afternoon while
driving across the Rapid Transit Railroad
track at Broadway. The gates were up
and when he was in the middle of the
track, the flagman head the whistle of a
train and he quickly began to lbwer the
gates. Before Mr.. Nelson had time to
get off the track the train was bearing
down on him. He turned the horse
toward the old storage yard Of the Tot
tenville Copper Works just as the train
passed barely touching the vehicle,
Perth Amboy evening news., 1904-09-16
To Remove FreckIas.

Freckles on the hands will yield to
daily applications Of violet water, one
ounce; glycerin, n dram; tincture of
b~enzoin, one-half dram, and powdered
borax, ~one-quarter dram; rub the borax
with the glycerin, gradually add the vio-
let water; lastly, the tincture Of benzoin.
slowly stirring; rub some of this on the
hands at night and then draw'on a pair
of big, but very clean, sweet-scented,
white suede gloves, that are slit open in
the palms and cropped off at the top Of
every finger.-Good Literature.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1904-09-16
SOLD TO THE CROWD.

An immense crowd gathered in Angus
ia street neal Broadway around Il man
who was selling articles from a wagon
Thursday. evening. The man had long
hair which some said was a wig; but as
he wors it blaided and under his hat in
the dayti Inc they may have been mis-
taken. He began his work of selling, by
relating how his mother used to sing a
song about being washed white as snow.
They say he sold lots of soap to those
who stood around so the song didn't TAKE
badly.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1904-09-16
SELLING TO MINORS.

1t would seem that a certain saloon
keeper in this borough ought. to have
honor enough to refrain from selling boys
beer and liquor. 1t is said that six boys
were drinking beer yesterday near the
railroad tracks and they were seen carry
ing the GROWER from the certain
saloon" Two of the boys were again in
toxicated today and parties who saw
them say they got their liquor in the
same saloon. They were the same boys
about whom the correspondent wrote
some time ago. 1t Is bad enough to help
send mems souls to perdition, but when
it comes to starting boys. on the road
there it is far worse.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1904-09-16
Everything Here Short.

The late M. A. Lower, the ~antiquary,
Is responsible for this Lullington anec-
dote: One Sunday morning the curate.
a man of diminutive stature, preached
rom the shortest text in the Bible,
Jesus wept," to a congregation of a
dozen people, and the offertory realized
only Is pence. whereupon a stranger re-
marked that it was the smallest church,
the smallest congregation, the smallest
parson, the shortest text and the smallest
collection he had rel known.-West-
minister Gazette.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1904-09-16
/. Plain American.

G. c. Lawson, n of our old soldiers,
who has been a pensioneri for many
years. tells us that he has never had but
one overcoat in his life, and that was
the one Uncle Sam gave him while he
was in the service. He never had a vest
on In his life. hasn't owned a horse for
rs years, and thinks nothing of taking
a 20-mile walk, lever owned a wagon in
his life, and hasn't shaved since the civil
war. He owns a good farm and has
plenty of money, but never cared to own
any of the above things mentioned.-Mt.
Olivet Tribune.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1904-09-16
TOTEM VILE.
PART-TIME PUPILS.

Superintendent William III. Maxwell, of
the Public Schools gave out a tabuiateC
statement yesterday, in which it was
shown, that In Greater New York so far
SO,S59 pupils were registered. OF these
Staten Island, has -1I,6l6, which is an
average increase of 94s pupils over the
year of 1908. Nearly all of these pupils
are able to attend full session, but $3.50
are on part time. The increase of the
part time pupils this year is 7Os over last
year.
The part-time increase in Richmond is
due to the fact that 9O1 pupils are put on
part time because of the non-completion
of Public School No. II, In this borough.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1904-09-16
NEWS ITEMS,

George Keifer, of Broadway, sailed yes
terday for Germany. He expects to be
gone at least three months.
Richard Doyle, of Perth Amboy, was
in town yesterday.
Wednesday vas pay day for the EN-
ployes of the Rapid Transit Railroad.
William Frerichs, Jr., was a New York
visitor Yesterday. t-.ti
After tomorrow baseball games it ID
most likely that the season will close.
The monthly business meeting of the
South Baptist church, was held last
night.
The storm Wednesday did only a little
damage in T~ottenville.
If the weather permits, the Tottenville
football club will be out for n practice
game tomorrow afternoon.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1904-09-16
SENT TO JAIL.

Two boatmen, Emery Woelsey and
Ackley Lively, who were off ..of a coal
barge lying at the wharf got into a fight
in which they used iron bolts. Lively
had his head cut open, but notwithstand-
ing that, Woolsey made complaintagainst
him before Justice De Graw and Con-
stable Leonard arrested him. The JUS
tice heard the case Wednesday evening
about $50 and Lively was sent to the
New Brunswick Jail to await the action:
of the grand jury. Lively was formerly
u marine on the United States cruiser
Buffalo and was honorably discharged
from the same. Constable Leonard took
him up to New Brunswick.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1904-09-16
Be Cheerful.

Is Tribulation is a habit. Be brave and
utter a cheerful word, in place of the
complaining ore. Keeping silent in an
atmosphere of Giseord attracts to you
peace and serenity, instead Of pain and
sorrow. "As a nan thinketh in his
heart, so is he" No greater truth was
ever uttered. Grumblers antagoniza
that truth. AS 500 as a person stops
thinking trouble and goes to thinking
joy-then Joy will materialize.-Detroit
Free Press. --....-..---
Perth Amboy evening news., 1904-09-16
HAD 70 RETURN.

William White, of Tottenville, who, as
toll in the News some time ago lost his
right foot by falling off a Rapid Transit
Railroad engine, while trying to search
for an oil can on another engine while
both locomotives were in motion, left the
Smith Infirmary several weeks ago..
Yesterday he was again taken to the In
Urinary as the old wound had become
bothersome. DIR. Jessup, of New Dorp,
and DR.. Washington, of T~ottenville, will
perform another operation.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1904-09-16
Watermelon ca,re.

White part: Two ecupfuls sugar, one
cupful butter, three and one-half cup
fufs flour, n cupful milk, whites OF
eight eggs, three tablespoonfuls bak-
Ing powder Red part; One cupful red
sugar, one-half eupful butter, one
third cupful milk, two cupfuls flour,
whites of four eggs, one and one-half
teaspoonfuls baking powder, one cup
ful OF raisips, stoned, or c%urrants. Be
careful to keep the red part in the
center and the white part around the
edge.-Good Literature.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1904-09-16
HIS EIGHTY-TAIRD Dirt HDAY.

Martin johnson celebrated his eighty
third birthday Thursday at his daughters
Mrs. Charles Thomas, of Second street
He received a number of nice presents.
Mr.. Johnson's faculties are splendid.
He is hard of hearing, but he says that
was caused by diving in the water so
much when he was a boy. He is a gres t
talker, is fond Of reading newspapers, is
a sportsman III as related last cunning
season goes off on cunning trips like the
carDentering. -. ..-
Perth Amboy evening news., 1904-09-16
ENGINES CoLLlDED.

As engine No. 5 in charge of engineer
Peter Gray, was pulling train No. 35 and
of the Tottenville station at 6.35 O'Clock
Wednesday night engine No. 6 in charge
of a yard ernploye was backing mp. Both
engines came together at the Main street
crossing. The passenger in the train,
outward bound, by the collision but no
one was hurt. Both engines were badly
damaged. NOT will have to undergo
many repairs before she can be used,
while No. 5 will not work for a few days.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1904-09-16
Javn,s Wonderful Lake.

One of the greatest wonders Of Java
is a large lake of boiling mud. two
miles in circumference, in the center
Of which immense columns Of soft, hot
mud may be seen continually rising
and falling. Besides these columns
there are two gigantic bubbles neal the
edge, which fills up like huge balloons
ndlexpfode on an average three times
per minute.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1904-09-16
At THE BARN DANCE.

Hope Councils barn dance was not
very largely attended MISUNDERSTANDING,
but those who were there had a good
time. The hall looked very pretty with
red, white and blue. John and. Matilda
were there again. The music sounded
fine and was enough in itself to tempt an
outsider in to participate In the dancing.
There was a good crowd on Thursday
night and the weather was fine for dane
ing. 1t was too early to learn who won
the door prize.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1904-09-16
The Japanese Father.

According to Consul Daigoro Cob,
the japanese Child calls its father
"Gcmpa." which means strict father"
while 1t addresses it's mother as "Jibo,"
that is, benevolent mother Mr.. Cob
quotes a Japanese lad who classified
the Japanese father as n among the
-four fearful things Of the world
these four terrors being earthquake,
thunder, conflagration and father"
Perth Amboy evening news., 1904-09-16
Deepest Sounding.

The deepest sounding ever made by
any vessel was by the United States
ship Nero, while on the Honolulu-Ma-
Mia cable survey. When near Guam
the Nero got $500 fathoms. or 31.e14
feet, only &c feet less than six miles.
II Mount Everest the highest mount
Ain on earth, were set down in this
hole. it would have above its summit
a depth of 2;612 feet, or nearly half q
mile Of water.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1904-09-16
COLLINS SEAMAN.

At 5 O'Clock WEDNESDAY afternoon Joseph
B. Collins, of Tottenville and Miss Mabel
j.. Seaman, of Princes Bay, were made
man and wife by Rev. Mr.. Jones, pastor
of st. Marks NJ. E. church, of Pleasant
Plains. The wedding took place at the
home of Mrs. G. 7. A~ndrovette, of Pleas
ant Plains. ~
Perth Amboy evening news., 1904-09-16

The feet of some Australian rabbits
show an adaptation which is being
gradually brought about to a lew mode
OF locomotion. The rabbits are becom-
ing climbers, and often ascend trees In
their search for food; their feet, in con-
sequence, are said to be growing slighter,
and the claws longer and sharper.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1904-09-16
Modern Novel.

The modern. novel is often little more
than an enlarged aneedote. in which two
or three, or perhaps half a dozen. per-
IONS keep the drama moving. A story Of
Dickens'Nis not an %anecdote, but a his
tory. The actors and personages in it
are numbered by the score. His stage
has not a few, but a throng Of actors on
it.-Great Thoughts.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1904-09-16
JUSTICE MASON RESIGNS.

Justice Mason has severed his conncc
tion with the Colonial Insurance Com
.pany.~ The Justice will not tolerate the
breaking of an agreement. During the
short time Mr.. Mason has worked for the
company he wrote a nice lot of policies
AID no doubt would have proved an Al
aoont FOR than
Perth Amboy evening news., 1904-09-16
King Edwards Reign.

The throne has never, in the annals
OF this country, been so widely and
intimately associated with the mani
Hesitation of social progress and char
table activity as it has come to be
under the kind and constant auspices
OF Edward VII.-Londor Times.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1904-09-16
Food Not Contraband.

1t will be remembered that in the Boer
wal Great Britain paid for a cargo of
foodstuffs sent from the United States
to a Portuguese port, and alleged to be
intended for the Beers. BY this pay
ment Great Britain gave the best posi-
BILE evidence of her adherence to the
American idea that food is not contra
band.-The Outlook.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1904-09-16
GOING 70 NEW BRUNSWICK.

Yesterday afternoon the chief Of the
T%ottenville Fire Department, and the
ex-chiefs received ~invitation from Wash
ington4 lose Company, of Perth Amboy,
them to be their guest in the fire
mems parade in New Brunswick October
5. Most of the firemcn will accept.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1904-09-16
a Gentle Hint.

''1t f. the little things" remarked
the boarding house landlady, that
annoy us most" 9f sA Aa i
I Yes. fsj0ined the irreverent
boardeF, these isiaall steaks, for ex-
ample."-Cincinnati Enquirer.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1904-09-16
Iceland MBottle POST"

The bottle post, is an old institution
of the south coastsef Iceland. Letters
are put into corked bottles, which are
waited by the winds to the opposite
coast. At times they also contain a
small present, as an inducement for the
finder to deliver~the letter as addressed.