The Mankato free press. [volume] (Mankato, Blue Earth County, Minn.) 1879-1924, 1904-04-22

tile field for his quaint and original
humor. Returning overland in the fall
of that year, Mr.. Ward, or Charles F.
Browne, as he was known in private
| life, lectured ON "Mormons" to i'm
mense audiences, and in the spring of
1865 he began his famous tour through
the country, drawing enthusiastic au-
diences everywhere, North and South.
Mr.. Browne wrote several sketches of
the Mormons, of which the following is
the best and most celebrated:
1t is now goin on 2 (too) yeres, as
very well remember, since l crossed the
Planes for Karifor'ny, the Brite land of
Jold. While crossin the Planes all so
bold fell in with some red men of the
forest IN. B. This is rote Sarcasticul.
Injuns is Pizen, whar ever found) which
they Sed was their Brother, & wanted
to smoke the Calomel of Peace with me.
They then stole my jerkt beef, blankets,
etsettery, skalpt my organ grinder &
scooted with Wild Hoop. Durin the
Cheats techin speech he sed he shood
meet me in the Happy Huntin Grounds.
If he duz thare will be fite. But enuff
of this ere.
/ arrove at Salt Lake in doc time.
At Camp Scott there was lot U. S.
sogers, hosstensibly sent out thare to
| smash the mormons but really to eat
Salt vittles & play poker & other beau
tiful but sumwhat onsartin games. |
got acquainted with sum of the officers.
They lookt putty scrumpshus in their
bloc coats with brass outings onto UNI
& ware very talented drinkers, but so
fur as fitin is consarned I'd willingly put
my wax fggers agin the hull party.
My desire was to exhibit my crate
! show in Salt Lake City, so I called on
! Brigham Yung, the crate .mogull among
the mormins, and axed his permishun to
pitch my tent and onfurl my banner to
the jentle brezis. He lookt at me in a
austeer manner for few minits. and sed:
"Do you bleeye in Solomon. Saint
Paul, the immaculateness of the Nor
min Church and the Latter-Day Reve-
lashuns?"
SEE I, :" Pm on it," 1 make it pint
to git along plesunt, tho I didn't know
what under the Son the old Teller was
drivin at He sed 1 mite show.
"You air marrid man, Mister Yung,
bleeve?" SEE L preparin to rite him
sum free parsis.
81 hev eighty wives, Mister Ward. 1
sertinly am marrid."
"How do you like it as far as you
hev got?" SEE I.
He sed "middlin," and axed me
wouldn't I like to see his famerly, to
which 1 replide that 1 wouldn't mind
minglin with the fair Seek & Barskin in
the winin smiles of his interestin wives.
He accordingly TUX me to his Scareum.
The house is powerful big & in ex-
ceedin large room was his wives & chill
dren, which last was squawkin and hol-
lerin enuff to take the roof rite orr the
house. The wimin was of all sizes and
ages. Sum was pretty & sum was Plane
sum was helthy and sum was on the
Wayne-which is verses, tho SIGH was
not my intentions, as l don't prove OF
putin verses in Proze ritins, tho eff oc-
cashun requires can Jerk Poim ekal
to any of them Atlantic Munthly fellers.
'eMy wives, Mister Ward sed Yung.
s'Your sarvant, marms," sed l, as l sot
down in cheer which a red -heded fe-
male brwt me.
Besides these wives you see here,
Mister Ward" sed Yung, II hev eighty
more in varisparts of this consecrated
land which air Sealed to me-"
'Which?" SEE l. gittin up & starin at
him.
"Sealed, Sir! sealed"
'sWhere bowts?" SEE |.
Il sed, Sir, they was sealed!" He spoke
in traggerdy voice.
''Will they probly continner on In
that stile to any CRATE extent, SIR" l
axed.
'sSir," sed he, turnin as red as a billed
beet, "don't you know that the rules OF
our Church is that I, the Profit, may
hev as meny wives as 1 wants?"
"Jes So" l sed. "You are old pie,
amt your"
"Them as is Sealed to me-that is to
saw to be mine when l wants um-alr
at present my sperrctooul wives" sed
Mister Yung.
'sLong may they wave" SEE I, seem |
shood git into scrape eff / didn't look
out.
In a privit conversashun with Brigh- |
am I learnt the follerin fax: 1t takes
him six weeks to kiss his wives. He
don't do it only once a we're d SEE IL Is !
wuss nor cleanin house. He don't pre-
tend to know his children, thare Is so
MANY of um, tho they all know him.
He seq about every child he meats call
him Par, & he takes it for granted it Is
so. His wives air very expensiv. They
alters want suthin & eff he don't buy 1T
for UNI they set the house in uproar.
He sez he don't hev minit's peace. HIS
wives fite amung themselves SO much
that he has bilt fitin room for thare
speshul benefit, & when too of 'em get
into a row he has 'em turned loose into
that place, WHARF the dispoot is settled
accordin to the rules of the London prize
ring. Sumtimes they abooz hisself in