Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1904-12-29
STORIETTES.

Frank l.. stanton mas many gOod
stories of the south stored up in his
memory, and most of them are short
and to the point. One of the best and
most epigrammatic concerns a Ken
lucky colonel who was just dressing
in the morning in his bachelor home
in Louisville. "Sambo," he called
downstairs to his henchman, "go out
and NOW some mint for breakfast"
Lincoln Steffens illustrates the
Western spirit of hustle by telling OF
a visit he made to a certain Western
governor. During his call visitor
was shown in, who excitedly informed
the governor that a certain high Of
fetal had just died, and added: Il
dislike to exhibit any unseemly haste
in the matter, but very much desire
to make application for appointment
as his successor" "Well,", was the
governors reply, "you will have to
get into the line already formed, and
take your chances"
The bishop of Texas Is a nan OF
physical proportions commensurate
with the great diocese over which he
has charge. Leaving barber shop
one day during the recent Episcopal
convention in Boston, he lighted a CT
gar. "Why, bishop" inquired the
barber, you do that sort of thing?"
ooh. yes" was the reply; 81 have
done that sort of thing ever since
was twelve years old" The barber
surveyed the six feet four inches a
individual before him. Then; cts
we'll yo' began young, bishop" he
commented, "for they do say it stunts
vol"
Sam Sothern, who is now acting in
London tells an amusing little story
| of his first appearance In America.
| His manager was John T. Raymond,
and when the young Englishman made
! his first stage entrance, the older
man. whose talent was egualed by his
eccentricity, suddenly laid his hand
on his shoulder and turned him around
to the audience "This is young Sam
Sothern," he explained to the aston
ishment of everybody on and off the
stage. "and because we all remember
his f"ther so well. I know you will
give him hearty welcome. Sam, my
boy, fire away"
A new story that comes from Ger
many Is that a Christianized Jew,
who, returning to his native village,
went to the rabbi and said that he
had been seized by strong desire TO
be buried in the same rlot with his
parents. The rabbi informed him
| thPt, he was now q Christian, such a
thing as burial in a Jewish cemetery
was impossible. The Jew said that
he was willing to pay well to have
his wish gratified. "Well," said the
! rabbi. there will be a meeting of the
directors OF the synagogue tomorrow,
aud | will see what can be done for
you" He informed the Jew the next
day that the directors, after a hard
struggle, had given in, but that it
would cost him forty-fve thousand
marks. That's a terrible price
soid the Jew, after he had reluctantly
paid it. 'Now tell me how you hap
pened to fix upon exactly that sum"
We'll" said the rabbi, "the reason
was this: , When the Messiah APP
pears, and calls all the Jews to hea.
ven, you, as a Christian, could not go
with them, and therefore would he
left in possession of the entire Gem.
etery, and as there was room for three
thousand plots at fifteen marks per
plot (the regular rate), we concluded
1t was nothing but just that you should
nav for them all"