Northern Wisconsin advertiser. [volume] (Wabeno, Wis.) 1898-1925, 1904-05-12

4AGaSSS1SS.lSNlS
stairs and see about this" and at the
topmost step of the stairs he findeth
dishpan filled with soap-suds. Now,
the manner of his finding the pan is
like this: He hath lifted his foot like
unto the lifting of the foot of a blind
horse, for it is dark and he knoweth
not whether he is yet at the top, and
his foot cometh down even upon the
brim of the dishpan, so that it fiippeth
beneath him and throweth the suds
over against his bosom, and swatteth
him in the face with a cake of soap,
and smiteth him upon the head with a
wet rag that is in the water And his
other foot goeth out from under him,
so that he manner of his going down
stairs is even as the last inc of the
dear old home poem. which ends
With
the
words
running
down
this
way
But there is no poetry in his soul.
He slammeth against each step with a
prodigious slam, and he bumpeth
against the railing of the stairs and
carometh over against the wall, so that
he scrapeth off more paper than pa
perhanger may put on in busy day.
And when he at last alighteth upon the
floor he bounceth up and down and
finally settleth down. And the scene
baffieth description.
Now at this moment his wife cometh
in, and seeth him lying before her
with the bent dishpan on his head as a
helmet and the broken cake of soap
about and among his beard even as
fringe upon his face. And she drop
peth the bottle of household ammonia
that she hath borrowed crying:
George, darling, is it thee?"
Whereupon George Darling sputter-
eth out of his broken teeth and his
mouthful of soapsuds and speaketh af
ter this wise:
Eyes, who in Than Hill wath you
lookin' for-th-pth- gupp!"
Also he saith many other things too
numerous to mention. Thereupon doth
the wife of his bosom draw herself up
to her full height, even as the heroine
doth in chapter XVII, of a Laura
Jean Libby story, and with the SCOT
upon her brow and the towel about her
head she maketh an awe-inspiring pic
ture. She saith, with much dignity:
George Ellinghuysen Muckfussen,
little did think, when you took me
from my parents loving arms, that I
should be compelled to listen to such
language"
And George Ellinghuysen Muckfus-
sen, alias George Darling, looketh up
from his perch on the bottom step of
the stairs; he gazeth upon the face of
his beloved wife, and seeth that it hath
stove polish upon the chin, and SCOT
upon the forehead and dust upon the
check; and she is wearing dress he
never saw before and never wisheth to
see again, and he moaneth and hideth
his face in his hands and growleth:
"Ellelula Mae Hinkleton Muckfus-
sen, little did think when you took me
by the hand and talked 50 worth TO
the preacher that l should ever come
home to strike such a layout as this"
And he beateth his head with his
fists and swenreth again.
But she maketh him carry in the pi"
lures and the rugs, and the books and
the china; and she compelleth him to
shove the piano back into one corner
again, so that his lumbago attacketh
him suddenly and he reneweth the line
of his argument which was interrupted
after he fought the dishpan.
And for dinner that evening he feed
eth upon cold ham that hath been all
day beside a cake of laundry soap, and
upon coffee that is weak as a comic
opera plot.
My son, housekeeping is like unto
having tooth pulled: The more it is
lodged, the worse it is.
Seest thou fair and gentle damosel,
one who is beauteous beyond compare,
whose eyes which are as the eyes of
fawn and whose smiles are as tender
as the smiles Of the green goods man.
Wouldst thou think that she would fill
her mouth with carpet tacks and her
hands with damp cloths and put her
feet into the overshoes of her father,
and be happy all the live long day
while sloshing through the watery
n IL, sw~+z 10
work? Yea, but she could, and she
will; even more. She will talk about
it for week before she doeth it. And
it is her husband who will buy the
book that is known as Is Marriage a
Put Up job or Could / Have Dodged
it?
Is it not so, even as we have yanked
1t from the inner consciousness of this
typewriter with inaction Of the sprock-