Mower County transcript., 1904-12-14
FARMER BEN'S COLUMN .

It looks like this idee of having folks
get examined before gettin' married to
sea if they are physically qualified will
win out after q while. see that up in
North Dakota they're talking Of passin'
a law forbiddin' folks that hay tuber-
cuIosis or hereditary insanity from
marryin' and it looks reasonable. a
board. of medical examiners will ex-
anime all applicants for marriage
stiGcates and they must hav a clean
record from hereditary diseases or
else they won't be allowed to marry
and perpetnate all the ills OF such
diseases onto the comm generations.
I can't see why there amt somethln
proper and reasonable in such a law,
with a limit to folks under half a century
old. In this age OF advanced clvlllZa-
ton when we are studyin' all about
scientific methods and the production
and survival of the tittest and when the
best minds of the world are maxim a
big ado about improved animal in
dustry, why shouldn't We hav improv-
ed methods on human industry and
propagation? | believe that some Of
the idees that cattle and chicken men
hav about raisin' and breedin' the best
stock would come in pat on this raisin'
of human folks and that we could work
out of lots Of the weak and diseased
conditions that are now transmitted.
Farmer Ben wouldn't mind bein'
presi dent if he could be in Teddy's
place without anybody to scare him
about fitin' him for another term and
all that. He has given it rite out
cold that this is his only term and that
when he finishes this one he's just been
elected to, he will step rite down and
out of his own free will and accord.
His message is a strenuous one and the
old senators and other leaders are
whinin' because the president is settin'
so fast pace that they're all out OF
breath tryin' to X eep up with him. One
of 'em said that it wasn't necessary for
the president to write pieces about
eyerythin' under the sun in his message
from infant damnation to the phjlo-
sophy Of national disarmament. Its
| all rite to stir up these mossbacks and
has beens. Let 'em get a move on
Teddy was elected to do somethin' for
! the American people. He will tackle
| the trusts and it ne don't bust em it
won't be his fault but the fanlt of 4 lot
of ehacks and scaries in congress that
are either towards or knaves for they
refuse legislation that. will relieve the
oppression Of the people by the ex-
tortion of the monopolies and COM
bines. l just like to SEQ the president
whip 'em into line and show em up in
their true colors and they can't touch
him because he amt a candydate for
! another term.
Over in Europe they hav human taxi
dermatists that make false calves for
the men that hay to appear at social
functions in short britches and silk
stockin's. These are said by their
shapers and dealers to be 'modeled on
the finest sculptures Of classical anti
guilty." Wouldn't that break you up:
I'd like to see some OF Austin fat and
lean shanks get fixed up for these court
proceedin's. I tell you they'd just look
scrumptious. 1t would be the missin'
link in the contiguity and symmetri-
cality OF their constitutional ind,yid-
| uaities. | see that these calves are
likely to work round on to the shin
bones so that it makes 'em look like
they was headed the other way. 1t
must be embarrassin' in the royal pres
ence to hav your face look like you
were approachin' and your legs look
like you were goin' home. But it looks
like a false calve was better than no
calve at all on your legs when full
length britches are not in good form.
I'm nifty glad that liv in country
where you don't have to wear knicker-
bockers in company to get in. Think
of fellow dancin' with these append
ages on his legs and they get to slip
PIN down over the instep. What could
the poor chap do but own up to the
secret cause of his agonizin' embarrass-
ment. Pm glad that these human taxi
dermatists are careful of their fits
How it would look to get Herculean
calve on an animated human slate pen
Gil. ~: T. f.5< ~-r#
/ o o =
/ Sixteen stocks on the New York
! Wall street speculatiQns decreased
$2l3, 100000 in three days last week dur
in the during the panic and all the
small investors got ruined and lots of
the big ones got scotched. I've been
expectin' just such a whack after the
hoomin' in stocks that has been pDin'