, 1904-08-31
MAN o
- TOWN
Writes a Few Paragraphs
to Amuse Himself and to
Bore Others

One of the great seashore problems,
one that puzzles the brain Of every sum-
mer hotel landlord, is the short dura-
ton of the summer season. How to
prolOng the season-how to make the
people tarry through September is a
constant study. The other day an old
colored gentleman was heard to advance
the following theory and cure for the
the matter.
docs l know why people doesn't stay
at de shore after de first of September?
Well l just does know. Lemme tell We,
these here hotels with Their cool hard
mattresses and sheets am very fine fer
de summer time but when the cool
nights come we want more N them
there to sleep on, at least this chicken
does. | van a feather bed an lots %
quilts to tuck round me. | tells We
there's wal all tn troubles rises. Ye
can't keep tn people on the shore with
out givin' EN- feather beds an less sheets
and cool mattresses, they want blankets,
at least thets what L WANT
Isn't it queer how some people will
act when they go to the shore on a
vacation of a day or so. The solemn
smile, the happy frown, the misery
spend and the frugal gorge.
" "
One often runs across signs which in
their arrangement or wording border
on the humorous. A sign right to the
point, terse, snappy and forcible vas
seen on a large meadow gate not many
miles from here. 1t read:
SHUT THE GATE AFTER YOU
OR STAY OUT
Another equally amusing sign was
seen on an unpretentious looking build
ing supposedly a chicken market. 1t
read:
SPECIAL FOWLS THIS WEEK
~SPRINGERS zoe
ONE YEAR OLD 18c
The quality of the fowls were not
tested to our knowledge.
" "
"Do you know" says a man who is
interested in the sale of mems fancy
shirts, "There are more of size IA
shirts sold on Five Mile Beach than
any other size. In fact an unusually
large number are sold. | can give no
explanation for it; the male population
here does not seem to be understood by
any means blt yet [ have trouble in
keeping a stock of No. IA shirts Oh
hand.n
Ye Jerseymen, who much of little
make,
Just think of lying all one night awake
A-listening to the skeeters festal song
In Greenland, where the nights are six
months long.-SToLEN.
q "a
Two ladies We're seated in the trolley
car, talking to each other as only wo-
men do. One of them spying IA boat
far out to sea, looked at it lOngingly fol
several moments and then said, "How
| wish | were out on that boat, ] do sc
love the rollicklng waves" A few
moments later she was heard to remark
81 think this trolley car is just dread
full, it rocks so much it almost makes
me sea sick and | get sick sc very easy
anyway" The point is self evident.
The renowned Cape May pike is the
scene of many automobile mishaps anC
b~reakdowns during the summe
months. Who knows but that The
''red devil" which is rushing along st
fast this minute may five minutes
hence be standing still in the middle o
the road, defying the efforts of the
chauffeur TO start it. 1t is always besI
to take these mishaps cody for you'll
get started again no quicker if you geI
mad. Two mishaps were noted OF the
Cape May road last week. Accident
No. l caused the occupants to fume anC
rage, therefore we will leave them t.
their fate. Accident No. 2 occurred
about ten o'clock at night. The auto
was speeding between Sea Isle City
and Cape May. Suddenly it stopped
something was out of order and the tire
was fiat. Our chauffeur did the brave
act-that is jumped out and got down
to work without a murmur. The ladies
in the car took the mishap cooly-fol
awhile-but after a tiresome halt they
became uneasy. When questioned the
party stated tnat they were bound fol
Cape May on their way from Sea Isle
City and the mishaps and experiences
on the way over would fill n volume.
AS the minutes grew into hours and
the monotony tiresome one of the men
was heard to murmur: "This is surely
a G. o. p. party
"a what ?" queried one of the ladies.
"a ICaf Ont onH Dnehi nartvUj ba