The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1904-04-30

de-Wny does tnls tneater nave lA
orchestra concealed? She-Why? Just
wait until you hear 1t play.
Teacher--Where was the Declare
ton of Independence signed? Tommy
At the bottom.-Chicago Daily News
wantanno-Why do you call that
boy of yours "FlannelT' Duzno-Be
cause he just naturally shrinks from
washing.
Editha-I wonder why the dudes
wear one eyeglass? Deborah-To pre-
vent seeing more thsn they are able to
comprehend.
ma. is there any pie left in the
pantry?" There Is one piece, but you
can't have It." You are mistaken,
ma; I've had it,"
Fond PARENT understand the fac
ulty are very much pleased with your
work. Dropped Junior-Yes. they en-
cored my sophomore year.
Old m--Remember. young man.
there is always room at the top.
Young Sprawley-Oh. know that:
I'm waiting for the elevator now
Judge
Lord Llttlecash (lovingly)-You are
my soul. Edith-Yes: l told papa that.
"Oh. what did he sayp" Said You
didn't earn enough to keep your soul
and body together"
Nurse-Johnny. stop asking your IA
Their so many questions. Don't you
see Il annoys him? Johnny-Why.
nurse, it's not the questions that make
him angry; it's because he can't an
swer them.
A husband said to his wife: ~
dreamed last night that caught man
running away with you" What did
you say?' she asked. II wanted TO
know what he was running for" re-
piled the husband
Mrs. Closefist--Oh, do buy me new
bonnet. my dear. 1t will set all my
friends talking. Closeflst-If you're
after notoriety. why don't you get the
old one retrimmed7 That will make
your friends talk twice as much.
IT see that choice Bengal tigers
have been marked down to 500 each"
"For goodness sake, don't let my wife
read that paragraph. Here's my knife.
| Cut II out II those tigers are on tho
bargain counter she'd want at least
two"
He Cbitterly)--If / were rich you'd
marry me fast enough! She-Don't.
Gussie, don't! Such devotion breaks
my heart! He-What do you mean?
She-Often you have praised my
beauty, but never before my common
nsel
Hello, Freddie! Are you playin'
robber" "Playin nuthin'. This is
the real thing. I'm waitin' for the
cook, an when she comes she'll tell
where she hides the pies, or I'll know
the reason why."-New York Evening
| Journal.
john asked the lawyers wife,
who had recently taken UP the health
culture fad. els It best to lie on the
| right side or the left sideT' my
DEAR" replied the legal luminary. IF
one n on the right side II isn't usual
~ necessary to lie at ALL"
Mrs. Youngwed-You know Uncle
Pincher said he was going to send us
something that would help us save
our coal bills this year? Wen. 1t came.
Mr.. Youngwed-Really A stock Of
coal? Mrs. Youngwed-No. A little
arrangement for filing bills.
He (as they were seated In quiet
nook near the links)-Are you quite
sure we have never met before this
season? She-Yes: quite positive He
And you haven't sister, She
No; why do you ask? He-Well. I'm
positive l Rugged that blouse before,
somewhere.
Call a girl a chick, and she smiles;
call q woman q hen, and she howls-
Call q young woman a witch, and she
Is pleased; call an old woman witch.
and she Is indignant Call a girl
kitten, and she rather likes 1t; call
woman a cat. and she'll hate you
Queer sex. isn't it?-Chicago News.
Burglar-Gimme yer jewels! Lady
Of the House-Did you shut the win
dow after you? Are you sure you
wiped your feet? What did you do
with that burnt match? Did Bur
glar-Er-I--I guess l forgot It,
Don't say another word, ma'am. an
I'll go right out.LChicago News.
Did l understand you to say that
you didn't have any company In the
kitchen while l was ont. Katie:"
"Yis, mum, that's what ] said" but
smell the tobacco from pipe all
through the house" "Yis, mum; the