The Providence news. (Providence [R.I.]) 1891-1906, 1904-01-01
RELIGIOUS HUMBUGS.
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ways reminds me or Deacon Lamson. He
was always bitter agin' theatres and
church entertainments. Forever avowin
that they were the works OF the devil"
and. therefore. he never felt he'd done
his duty until he'd exhorted every young
person in the community about once
year TO shun everything In that line as
they would a pestilence. But his main
argument used TO be put.on the fact that
Il cost money. and. therefore, II was
MORE especially a sin.
Well. what / was agoin' TO say was.
his Brother John invited him TO New
York City TO make him visit few
years ago. and federation he went along
with him for company.
They had a real nice time, they said
after they got home. avisiting the Aqua
rum where they saw pretty much all
OF the kinds OF fish that swim in all the
oceans. Grants tomb on the Hudson
River. Central Park. and they spoke very
feeiin' like of Trinity Church and old ST.
Stephens, where they went in and sat
down In the pews OF those time-honored
edifices. and as the Deacon said II made
them fsei 'in touch with things divine"
They discovered lot OF sinful prac-
tees agoin on In the city, especially
down onto Wall Street where they said
nothing but gambling was INDUCED in"
II he said Il once he said II fifty times
ESQ federation sald), How fortunate.
Brother wilberforce. that our boys and
a. 49, lN...-
and soul destroying influences. Bless
the Lordt" Well. haven't said a word
agin' such sentiments. But wait.
A few weeks after they'd got home.
Squire Davis, one OF our neighbors. came
in OF an evening. and was atallzin' along
with federation. when in response to
some remark that he made about being
undecided or halting between two opin-
ions about some kind OF a transaction.
federation spoke UP I'm n kind OF absent
minded sort OF a way. and says, DO as
you think best Squire To be or not
to be: that's the question:
When he said that / couldn't help
startin' little, and guess I dropped
stitch or two. for I'd been a knittin' on
some stockings.
Where had / heard that before? said
20 myself. For few minutes / couldn't
think-and then II came TO me like fash.
Hamlet part. remember readin II when
i was a girl and went to school at the
Waldo district. when Sarah Walker was
the teacher Then / says to myself l
think I've discovered why the deacon and
federation staid two weeks instead OF
one down to New York.
Well, | didn't say word until after
Squire Davis had gone. and then i says.
Just as pleasant like as could, What
was IL you meant. when you said, To
be or not 10 be- to the squire?'
He seemed little might hurried at first,
but finally, he quieted down, and in an
unconcerned manner, with far-of look
In his eys, he says, kind OF an off-hand
remark Guess 1t didn't mean much of
anything"
knew then that he was hedging.
:"Where'd you git such an expression?
think it's real cute"
you do" says he, well, cant say as
can see anything ST very-so very cute
about it."
Yes. Il Is" says /, ITS so expressive
Ii means so much"
''Expressive!" says he. 81 don't see as
Il expresses very much Don't zee as
IL conveys any more meaning than any
other Scripture passage"
That's Just what ] was awaitin' to hear
For | thought he'd be just cowardly
enough TO lay II to the Bible, so as TO
try and mislead me II he could. and he
did.
We'll" says l. 1T does have n numer-
Gus number OF times more meanin than
other passages OF Scripture. Besides II
didn't come from the Scripture. 1t come
from Mr.. Shakespeare's book, and you
went TO a playhouse at the city along
with the deacon to see the play OF Ham
let which he wroteg'
never saw him look so shamefaced and
~. h.
didn't know what TO say. but finally, he
spoke UP and says. says he:
"Well, what IL we did? Was there any
harm in it?"
Harm" says I, ''of course there wasn't
any harm. II you went 10 a respectable
playhouse But It's the sneakin'. hang
dog way you took TO go about II. and
then come home and pose as saints look
ing as innocent as monks and at the same
time apreachin' to the young folks about
the horrors OF the stagel'
We'll" he says, 81 didn't tell ye about
it. because the deacon wanted 10 keep II
auIet. He said he didn't believe I'm such
things, and I guess he wouldn't agone II
John hadn't paid for the tickets. Said he
hated TO have HIS brother lose so much
money. so he went. Pleased the deacon
80 well. we went every night while We
staid and saw about everything from the
Midnight Bell TO the Chimes OF Nor
mandy and somo of Shakespearcs plays
and others"
I'm not surprised a mite says ]. II
always knew that you both were as fond
OF entertainment as the rest OF mankind.
II only needed an opportunity to bring
you both out. Any man tnat can't stard
the hrst simple temptation--hut there.
what's the use talkin' they've Always
been so ever since Adams time, AMI they
probably always will be, ] wonler f. he'll
lay Il to his wife?"
Don't know. says federation. that
there's any need of layin' n TO anybody.
I don't care n gosh darn who knows &C.
You never n ard me cryin' agin
playhouses that was decent"
And that's fact I'll give him credit
for that. could have forgiven Tolera-
tion n he hadn't been so mum about a.
Bat the deacon, never. IL brands him as