Lincoln County leader. [volume] (Toledo, Lincoln County, Or.) 1893-1987, 1904-12-02

NIL JoHeS TedullSJ-AnOlner lerce
engagement in the Philippines. Mrs.
Jones-What is it? Mr.. Jones-School
teacher and army officer.-Judge.
Employer-Want to go home? Where
do you feel i'll? BOy-Here, sir, in the
office. 1 guess I'll feel better when l
get the air on the baseball ground.
Tommy-Papa, what makes you so
bald? Papa-Oh, that's because my
mother used to pat me so much on the
head for being good boy.-Ally
Sloper's Half-Holiday.
"Oh, my friendsr' exclaimed the ora
ior, 'it makes me sad when l think
Of the days that are gone, when look
around and miss the old familiar faces
l used to shake hands with"
what was the verdict that the cor
oner's jury returnedT "Wilful neglect
Of duty on the part of the deceased.
He went out unarmed knowing the 9TH
er fellow was in own."-Chicago Rec
ord-Herald.
Il see you advertise for donkey"
said the man who looked as if he had
something for sale. "Oh, yes" said the
busy man, stopping his work for a
minute to look up; "but l want one
with four legs" ."-Tit-Bits.
''They thought he was dead, you
know, and all the papers printed obit-
uary notices" And Them" Why.
then he turned up, and since he's read
those notices he's too proud to speak
to any one."-Chicago Post
First Traveler-Oh, yes-we visited
the art gallery when we were in Dres-
den! Second Traveler-Then you saw
Raphaers masterpiece there of course? ?
First Traveler-Yes, indeed. The six
teen Belladonna," you mean?
walter, you may finish this piece Of
pie, If you want it." said mother, "it
isn't enough to save" Mother" said
Walter, when he had finished it, "a
boy in the family comes in very handy
when there Is little bit over, doesn't
he?"
you hair isn't wet" said little Tom
my to Mr.. Flyer, who was calling. mo,
Of course not! What made you think
my hair was wetT he asked, very
much surprised. 81 heard pa tell ma
that you couldn't keep your head above
water"
At political meeting an excited
Irishman rose to express his satisfac-
ton. "Sit down." called the man be-
hind him, pulling his coat tails. Don't
you know you're opaqueT And that
I'm not!' cried the other. I'm
O'Brienr'
Mrs. Spenders-I wonder what will
be the popular styles in bonnets this
season? Mr.. Spenders-My dear,
women's bonnets will be divided into
two styles this season, as usual-the
style you don't like, and the style l
can't afford.
Hungry Hawkins-Do yer mean to
say yer got square meal out o. dat
sour woman? Diplomatic Mike-Sure!
Hungry Hawkins-Well, yer Won
der. How'd yer do it? Diplomatic
Mike-When she opened the door l
sez: "Is yer mother at home, miss?-
Philadelphia Press.
Tess-A friend of mine was telling
me to-day of a splendid seashore resort
on the Massachusetts coast; think it's
called Medford Beach. Jess-Oh, I've
been there. That was whore | caught
that big lobster last summer, don't you
know? Tess-No, dear, hadn't heard.
What is his name?
The 6-year-od daughter of a certain
naval officer was unconsciously ludi.
crous the other day. The child was
sewing, when her older sisted asked:
"Why don't you use pattern?' The
little miss replied with dignity great
er than her knowledge: ~ don't need
a pattern. sew by ear"
Charley White, who lives with his
aunt and grandma, noticed that the
regular black peppcr-shaker was filled
with red pepper. This startled him.
and, turning to his aunt, who sat next
at the table, he said: "You better not
eat any of that red pepper, Aunt Har-
riet; gramma says that red pepper kills
ants"
Teacher Qn Chinese mission)-I won.
der how many Of you know the mean.
ing of mercy" (All hands up.) Very
good. Now, you, Chang, may give us
an illustration Of its meaning. Chang
Mclean lady gave Chinee boy dishes
to wash. One plate fall on floor; him
blake in Thousand fifteen pieces. Nell.
can lady ely loud, "Oh, mercy"
my dear" said Mrs. Newlywed, her
face flushed with the excitement of her
afternoon in the kitchen, 81 want YOU
to be perfectly frank with me now.
What would you suggest to improve
these doughnuts made to-day"