Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1904-04-28
CHAPTER ON KISSING.
The Japanese and South Sea Islanders
the Only Nations That Do
Not Indulge.
kissing is a science, a convention, sn

Kissing is a science, a convention, sn
chronological trait, and many other
things, says the London Free Lance.
This is not very clear, but those who
have endeavored to explain all that I'M
derlies it have written bulky volumes
sufficient in themselves to fill the shelf
Of a fair-sized library.
Mr.. Squeers' educational method was,
as every student of Dickens knows, at
once direct and unequivocal. He didn't
bother about books Oh professional dis
quisitions. To such of his pupils as had
an inquiring mind on the subject his
injunction was: Learn to spell it, and
then go and do it, and then you'll know
all about it," A process which, if Mr..
Squeers' pupils grew up as all other peo-
pie grow up, they would undoubtedly
exploit. At the tender period at which
the advice was received the trouble in
volved in the spelling was probably far
greater than the after demonstration of
the effect.
But kissing is not always unattended
with danger. In the year 1887, the year
If Queen Victoria's accession, Thomas
5avulaud was ungallant enough to
bring an action against Miss Caroline
Neuton for having bitten a piece out Of
his nose when he attempted to kiss her
Tor a joke. The judge held that he tried
70 kiss her in earnest and laid it down
5 a definite ruling that when a man
kisses a woman against her will she is
FULLY entitled to bite his lose if she
pleases."
This ruling stands, and so those who
nave not yet learned that kissing is no
joke had better be wary of their noses.
A dictionary has defined a kiss as "a
pressure of the mouth against the
body" but this is spiritless, ever if ac-
curate.
1t would be just as satisfactory to
define a picture as "a pressure of paint
against canvas" 1t leaves untouched
the whole indefinable pleasure Of kiss
ing, the fact that it is indefinable being
perhaps its best excuse, as it is Mr..
Squeers' justification.
Our allies, the Japanese, share with
he South Sea islanders the unique dis
,inction of being the only nations to
whom kissing is unknown. If, however,
the new treaty leads to much practical
intercourse, it is fairly certain that Jack
ashore lin Japan will teach the geisha
how much they have yet to learn.
1t is almost impossible to subdivide
he various kisses which one is obliged
to give in ones lifetime, all of which are
very different from the kiss one gives
ones best girl.
You are bound to kiss our maiden
aunt or mother-in-law or your friends
new baby. There are kisses which you
give, well, because you have to-, and
kisses which you give as you cast bread
On the waters, hoping that they will re-
turn to you after as few days as possible
and not in kind.
The Romans had three kinds of
kisses, which they termed oscula, basia
and suavia. Martial, when he returned
to Rome after a few years absence, was
30 deluged with "suavia" that he wrote
furious epigrams about them to stem
he flood of admirers. Lieut.. Hobson,
in Our times, was almost similarly over
whelmed. In the German dictionaries
here are definitions of some 80 different
sorts of kisses, in addition to the world
wide "liebes kuss," which every one, ex-
cept the Japs and the South Sea island
ers, fall into the habit of giving and TAX
ing quite easily.
Another kiss, which one might call
the diplomatic kiss, is reserved almost
exclusively for royalties. This is al
ways seized on by the illustrated papers
as good pictorial copy, but the artist has
not yet been caught who managed to H.
vest the function with that ideality
which would successfully hide it's clun-
siness.