Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1904-11-19


up in the Simonson improved Darwinian
twentieth century sty would change the pig
completely. In that length of time We
would have a breed of clean pigs, pigs
that would run about mile to wade in a
crystal brook, and that would shudder with
horror every time they saw mud hole
The people out my way said I was crazy,
but thought I'd better come right on here
and see what you thought of my inven-
tion."
The scientist looked earnestly at Mr..
Simonson. Then he rose from his chair,
and grasping the man from Ioway by the
to meet you. You are thinker, and you
are thinking along the right direction.
You are one of those courageous enough
to think for yourself and to take first
and oftentimes difficult step, oblivious of
ridiclile and scorn. And say this, not
withstandng the fact that you are too
late. Mr.. Simonson, the Department of
Agriculture has already taken steps to
Mr.. Simonson, the clean pig is on the way.
He is now in process of evolution. He will
arrive"
Latest Improvements.
Mr.. Simonson of Ioway gulped a couple
of times and looked as If he had recently
emerged from the business end of Kansas
cyclone. And out my way they said 1
was crazy" he whispered to himself Then
he picked up the model of Simonson's Inn
proved Darwinian Goth Century Sly and
remarked, still more hestatingly, But per-
haps you have overlooked some of the fea-
lures OF this invention. This is what made
my neighbors say l was crazy You see
this here cement floor? Well, that prevents
the pig from wallowing, and this here pool
OF clean water in the corner of the sly
keeps him cool. The pig is comfortable
and clean at the same time, and learns to
hate the sight of mud"
The scientist again arose from his chair
and again seized the hand of Mr. Simon
son of Ioway. Permit me-" he said ito
again congratulate a thinker You have
the right idea, Mr.. Sirnonson, but you are
too late. The shower bath has taken the
place OF the stationary tub in pig evolu-
ton 1t is cleaner and mere sanitary, and
1t teaches the pig not to make too much of
a good thing. In the model sty of the
agricultural Department every time the
pig wants bath he stands under the
shower and pushes an electric button with
his snout."
Mr. Simonson lapsed into a brown study
after the scientist had finished, and didn't
come out OF 1t for about five minutes
Then he shook himself together, wiped his
brow with a blue bandana, laid aside the
Slmonson Improved DarWinian Goth Cen
fury Sly and said diffidently: 1--WE got
another idea that I'd like to tell you about.
MY neighbors said l was crazy. but"
Proceed Mr.. Simonson." said the scien-
tist The conversation of thinker is al
ways heard with interest in this depart
The Bug Plague.
The man from Ioway was encouraged.
Well" he said II guess you know all
about grasshoppers. They drop around
every year or two in swarrns, and they are
terrible. They destroy the crops, the
orchards. the grass. They mean bank
ruptcy to the farmer. I have invented a
grasshopper and locust destroyer 1 catch
few of the insects and inoculate them
with the Simonson Patent lightning Bug
Plague and let them go. The plague does
the rest. Compared to 1t Asiatic cholera is
as the mumps or the chickenpox. The pests
die by the billion. Twents4four hours after
incubation there is not am insect left alive
within miles. My neighbors said 1 was
crazy. What do you think of it?'
Think of itr' said the scientist warmly
rising from his seat and graspng Mr..
Simonson by the hand. Il think you are
thinker. Your neighbors are unenlghtened
But / regret to say-for you are a thinker
are too late. For the past year the Depart
nlent Of Agriculture has been sending to
farmers in the afflicted sections tubes of
gelatine, containing cultures of our new
Insect Epidemic Its principles are the same
as yours, and again congratulate YOU
Lemonade Trees
Mr.. Simonson of Ioway leaned back in his
chair and gazed at the scientist with some
thing like fear in his eyes. The model of
the Darwinian Twentieth Century Sty fell
to the floor with bang, but he didn't seem
to mind. Finally he looked away and said
huskily and hesitatingly, five got another