The Birmingham age-herald., 1904-08-07
ON RAILROADS.

in on me frind. the prsldbt of the P'll- man company an ask him to publish a few hints to tn wayfarer. I wud like to know how a gintleman can take off lis clothes while settin on thim It wud helr a good deal to know what to do with tn clothes whr ye have squirm- ed out iv thim. Ar-re they to be rolled up in a hall an placed nndher tn head CT dhropred into tn aisle? Again, in tn mornin' how to git into tn clothes with cut throwin tn thrain off til thrack? | will tell ye confidintially, Hinnessy, that not bein a contortionist tn ony thing that I teek eff was me hat.
 "Th' thia sped on an on. ! oud not sleep. Tn luxury iv thravel kept me wide awake Who wud eoort slumber in such a cozy little bower? Tnereiwere some that did it; l heerd Lem eoortin'. But not l. l lay awake while we flew on I might say bumped through space. 1t was hardy a ninyit befrue We were in Saint Looey. It seemed year. On an iver on we flew past forest, river an plain. Tn hghts burned brightly jist over me left ear, tn windows was open an let in. the hoarse, exhultant shriek iv tn locymotive, tn conversation of tn baggage man to tn heavy thrnnk, tn balmy night air an gr-reat purple clouds iv Illinye coal smoke. l took in enough iv this splidid product iy our prairie soil to qualify as a coal yard. Be tn time tn sun peeked, or may say, jumped into me little roost, l wudve made a cheerful grate fire an left slight deposit iv red ashes. Tn morn- in came too soon. I called me illus threes almost Booker Wash'nton an with tn assistance iv tn step laddher the bell rope ar In bald head iv tn man in tn lower berth, 1 bounded lightly out iv me little mock an rose firm tn flure with no injury worse than sparined an- kle. I thin walked tn long an splind- i'd aisle flanked be gintlemen who were whrithin into their clothin' an soon found mesilf in tn superbly appinted wash room.
 What hasn't American ingenuity done fir tn wurruld. Here we were fairly flyin' through space or stoppin' fir wa ther at Polo Illinye, an ye cud wash yesilf as comfortably as ye cud in tn hydrant back iv tn gas house, There were three handsome wash basins, wan piece of shy, evasive soap an towels galore that is, almost enough to go round. In front iv each wash basin was a dili- oately nurtured child of luxury cleansin' bimsilf an tn. surroundin furniture at wan blow. Havin' injyed a very re- frishin attimpt st a bath, 1 sauntered out into tn car It looked aimost like in pictures in the pamphlets. or wudve all the boots had been removed. Tn scene was rendered more atthractive be tn prisince iv tn fair sect. charm'n woman is always charmin' but niver more so thin on a sleepin' car in tn mornin afther a hard nights rest and forty miles firm a curlin' iron. With their pretty faces slightly sthreaked be tn right of way, their eyes dancin with suppressed fury an their hair almost straight, they make a pitcher that few can frget-.aa' they're lucky. But me eyes were not fir thim. To tell ye tn truth, Hinnessy, l was hungry. 1 thought to find place among tn coal in me fr wan iv thim sumchuos meals l had heerd about an 1 summoned tn black prince who was foldin' up tn beddin with his teeth. I wud like a breakfast firm we're su- rerbly equipped buffay,' says l. I got ye,' says he. We have canned lobster, canned corn beef canned tomatoes cann- ed asparagus, an wather fresh firm tn companys own spring at tn Chicago wather wurruks, he says. Have ye annythng to eat?' says l. Sind me tn cook says l. I'm tn cook says he, wipin pair of shoes with his sleeve What do ye do ye'er coolin wlth?' says l. With can opener says he, glvin' a hearty laugh.
 An so we whiled the time away until Saint Looey was reached. O'Brien an lis wife nursed me back to life, ray