The Birmingham age-herald., 1904-09-18
oN THE PROGRESS oF THE CAMPAIGN.

By F. P. Dunne. Copyright, 1904. by Me-
 Cure, Phillips & Company.
 Tt looks to me as though pollytica1 en- thusyasm was dyin out in this coun- thry," said MT. Hennessy.
 "Oh, I don't know" said MT. Dooley "Ye niver can tell. It's almost too arly to begin throwin' bricks. Annyhow, if nobody else is enthusyastic tn candy dates f'r vice-prisidnt ar-re. They ar-re tn willin' wurrukers. No grass grows undher tn feet. They're a lesson to their supeeryors. Tn candydates fr prisidint stays at home thryin' to say nawthin' that will incriminate thim Tiddy Rosenfelt has put in an application to jine tn Quaker church. He has burned his suit iv khaky an beaten his soord into plowshare. Visitors who call on him at Oysther Bay, find him r-readin' tn Lives iv tn Saints. His favrite saint is wan iv tn arly martyrs who thanked a lion fr bitin' him. He is thryin' to live down his past. Not so with tn Sage iv Esopus He has no past to live down. He Is thryin to live up to his future.
 
 his foot Into 1t. Hill has retired firm pol1ytics. He has gone up an alley to wait till tn polls get by. But all is silence at Oysther Bay an Esoopus. Whin tn hayro iv San Joon Hill wants to relieve his pint-up emotions, he goes out on tn sea shore far firm human habytation an sings hymns fr an hour. Sicrity Cortillyoo authorizes me to deny tn infamyous rapport that tn prisidint was iver at San Joon Hill. At tn time iv this gloryous an lamintable perform ance, tn good man was down with measles conthracted at tn Internaytional Peace Convlntion. A day at Oysther Bay passes like a dream The prisidint arises arly an afther prayers partakes iv a light breakfast iv Quaker oats. He then retires to his oratory an spinds tn mornin' in miditation an prayer. Afther lunchin' with his pastor, he visits tn Dorcas s'ciety iv which he is hon'rary prisidint Rayturnin' home, he devotes few hours to archery an bean bag, at both of which games he has become ex- pert. His supper consists iv a bag iv popcorn an a dish iv tea. Tn short avebin is spint in readin aloud tn wur- ruks iv Hinnery Wadsworth Longfellow, an afther family prayers Thaydoor Ros- enfelt retires to a well armed siumber. He is not well at prisint, tn smell iv gunpowdher on tn Foorth iv July havin' dlsagreeably affected him. (Wall Sthre t Journal please copy)
 "As fr tn Sage iv Esoopus, he doesn't want to be prisidint. He is a farmer not a pollytician. An he's not ashamed iv 1t. Why shud amy man fear to avow that he follows a calling upon which rests tn very foundation iv our liberties, fellow citizens? Not. much. Arly in tn mornin' befure tn first comityman has shook off tn god iv slumber, e'er yet tn arly rayporther puts on his speetacles, tn simple-hearted judge may be found sthrollin' among tn long rows iv canned asparagus, or studyin' tn piclxled onions he planted as long ago as las July whin he beat tn nommynation t) tn farm It Is with unfeigned impatience that he tears open with his teeth a tillygram firm tn Chairman iv Ulster County suggistin' that iv a little iv tn coin cud be dis thributed tn prospects wud be brighter for all consarned. Afther a simple coun- thry breagfast iv corned beef hash, Johnny cake, spare ribs. mince pie, but ter milk and cider, he takes off his coat and goes out to be photygrafted. He spinds tn day in hard labor on tn forty-acre meadow an does not speak except in tn avenin' whin he delivers hfmsilf iv message that thrills ivry heart in tn New York Avenin' Post. His las uttehrance that nearly caused me a fit an is still ringin in me ears was as follows: I regard tn owners iv large quantities iv tn goold standhard iv this counthry as irrevocably fixed
 An so passes these peaceful days at Esoopus an Oysther Bay. I will not dig nifty with denial t.i crool story that our beloved prisidint has tunnel into his chcapel an that afther tn family James J. Jeffries with tn full rayports have gone to bed he secretly lets in iv tn Jap'nese war or that befure re- turnin' to his couch he rassles a stuffed figure iv tn Impror Willum on tn fure an pounds it with a base ball bat An will not stoop to conthraoict tn story that ivry night August Bilmont calls on Sage Parker an tn two iv thim discuss how much iv tn goold standard shud be