The herald-advance. (Milbank, S.D.) 1890-1922, 1904-08-26
topics iv tn day with We, Hinnissy,
because ye,er q frivolous carackter.

topics iv tn day with We, Hinnissy,
because ye'er q frivolous carackter,
but ye'd be surprised 10 know what
an Encyclopedia a man gets to be in
this prOfissyon. Ivry man that comes
in here an has three pans iy nicissry
evil tells me, with tears, tn secrets iv
his thrade an offers to fight me if /
don't look interested. l know in
jyneerin', pammistry, plumbin', Chris
tyan Science, midician, hOrseshOein',
astronomy, tn care iv tn hair, an
tn law iv exchange, an tn knowledge
l have iv how to subjoo the Affections
iv tn ladies wud cause many a pang.
| tell We we ARE a fine body iv min.
Bishops comm into tn saloon bust
ness? In behalf iv tn Liquor Deal
er's Lithry Club iv tn sixth wa-ard,
[ hereby challenge tn college iv
bishops to a s%pelldown.
''Not that Pm proud iv me profis-
syon, or, shud l say, me art? It's
var way iv maxim a livin'. I sup
pose it was me vocation. | got into
it first because I didn't like to dhrive
an express wagon an | stayed in it
because they was nawthin' else that
seemed worth while. / am not a hard
dhrinker. | find if 1 drink too much
much l can't meet-an' doth intel
lechool joynts that swarm in here
afther a meetin' at tn rowlin' mills.
On Saturdah nights, | am convivyal.
on New Years eve, l thry to make tn
OIL year just as sorry it's LAWN me
as can. But | have no more pleasure
in shown over to We that liquid sun
strvke than l wud if l had to dole out
collars, hair dye, books, hard billed
eggs, money or anything else that
wudden't be good FIR ye. Liquor is
not a nicissry evil. Hogan says it's
way iv ra-alizin' tn ideel. Tn
next day ye're ashamed iy ye'er ideel.
Tn throuble about it is, that whin We
take it We want more. But that's the
trouble with Everything We take. If
we get power, we want mor power:
if we have money, we want more
money. Our vices r-run on f'river.
Our varchues, is what me frind, Doc
Casey, calls self-limiting.
But l must get back firm me lab'r-
tory to Bishop Potter's. Will me
frind succeed? l hope he will. We
can't get too many dacint men into
our profissyon. They'se wan thing
l wud call me neighbours attention to.
TIL unbenighted American wurrukin'
man likes his dhrink. as who does
not? But he wants to take it in peace.
His varchues, has been wrote about.
But let him injye his few simple vices
in his own way, says I. He goes to
tn saloon an We go to the club mostly
for tn same reason. Ye don't want
to go home. He don't need annywan
to push him into a bar. He'll go there
because that's a place where wan
mans no better thin another an no.
body is ra-ally on but tn BARTENDER.
There ought to be wan place where tn
poor wurrukin' man can escape bein'
patted on tn back. He amt so bad,
ye'er grace, as We think. Wurrukin'
men don't dhrink to excess. Drunken
ness is q vice iv tn idle. Did We liver
see q la-ad sprintin' across a joist
hundred feet in tn air? Dye
think he cud do that if he was a free
dhrinker? Tn on'y wurrukin' men
who drink to much ARE truckmen,
an that's because they have SO much
time on their hands. While they ar-re
waitin' FIR a load they get wan. Aven
some iv thin ar-re sober. Ye can
till thin be their hats.
"SOmehOw or another, Hinnissy, it
don't seem JUS right that there shud
be a union iv church an saloon.
These two gr-rate institutions ar-re
best kept apart. They kind iv offset
each other like tn supreem coort and
congress. Drink is a nicissary evil.
nicissary to tn clargy. If they liver
admit it's nicissary to tn consumers
they might as we'll close up tn churches.
Yell niver find Father Kelly openin'
a saloon. He hates me business, but
he likes me. He says dhrink is an evil
man might come in me place.
eye really do think dhrink is a
nicissry evil?" said Mr.. Hennessy.
"Well," said Mr.. Dooley. sif it's
if it's nicissary it's not evil"