davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1904-12-03

of Damocles hung over our heads,
ready to fall upon as at any minute.
We might suspect mother of hoax
up to a certain point but never to
the length of champagne. No, some
miracle had happened to turn our
loaves and fishes into oysters and
champagne, and we just marveled-
and ate.
By the time we got to our coffee we
were in the happiest frame of mind,
and Uncle Jack was in the midst of
his newest story, when the crash
came. There was some disturbance
in the kitchen, loud alteration, and
then Mary burst in upon us.
"Oh sure, mum. the most awful
thing has happened, the folks acrost
the hall has company to dinner. and
they've got nuthin' but hamburg
steak and onions from the grocery,
and they're most wild, and the girl
has just come in to ask If we got 'em
by mistake, and, sure, mum, we've
ct thin all u
Mother half rose, then fell back III
her chair like criminal after SEN
tence. As for the rest of US, the strain
broke all at once, and we laughed and
laughed until we cried, and tearfully
shouted the tale to Uncle Jack, who
nearly laughed himself into apoplexy.
1T may be funny to us, said mo-
ther, "since we've eaten their dinner !;
but what about them?"
She disappeared with Mary, and
was gone for long time and when
she came back her face was long.
"It really is awful! This Mrs. Gas
tons Uncle, whom they have never
seen before, has come to dinner, and
they simply were laying themselves
out to impress him and now they have
to give him hamburg steak and
onions p
'sHow did you ever escape with
your life, masterl" Ralston asked.
well, she seemed little bitter,
mother admitted seriously.
Then we all went off again, and
when we finally saw off Uncle Jack
later he was still laughing and protest
ing that he never had enjoyed din
ner so much in his life as he had the
Gaston's.
Two days later the sequel to our
dinner story arrived. Mrs. Castor
came to apologize to mother and tell
the tale of their party. It seems that
the Gastons are young married peo-
pie, and this uncle is newly-discov
cred relative from out west, enormous
ly wealthy and incidentally without
heirs. So, of course, this dinner and
their introduction to "Uncle Jim" was
a momentous occasion.
"Uncle Jim," however, proved to
be the simplest of western countrymen
and most condemnatory of "style. "
"Style and Extravaganza, he had
selected for his text, and his joy over
the simplicity of the Gaston's mode
lof living was unbounded. He said ::
"That is the way fur young folks to
start-slow and sure at first As
for the onions, they won his heart.
The result was that before he left
the following day he sent Mrs. Castor
a check of most generous proportions,
'fur little present." and limited of
things to come.
80 all's well that ends well" said
Mrs. Castor, as she rose to go. my
dinner fitted your wants, and yours S
fitted mine; SO blessed be Fate, or
that grocery boy who mixed them
up -
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1904-12-03
LIVING A LIE.

Dressing or living beyond ones
means is nothing less than absolute
dishonesty. If you are trying to do
what you cannot afford to do, you are
living a lie; if you are wearing
clothes that you cannot afford, they
are perpetual witnesses agains you.
They are labled all over with false
hood. IF your jewelry, your car
riages, your furs and your costly
gowns tell me that you are rich when
you live in poverty stricken home
and when your pother is obliged to
make all sorts of sacrifices to enable
you to make this false display, you
lie Just as surely as you would if you
should try to deceive me by your
words.
The consciousness of being well
dressed and yet owing for it, OF rid
ing in carriages which one cannot at
ford or of patronizing expensive ho-
tells and restaurants which one cannot
by any stretch of imagination or soph-
istry afford, is destructive to self
respect, to truth and honesty and to
manhood and womanhood. You can
not afford to wear lies or eat lies any
more than you can afford to tell lies.
There is only one possible result
upon character of falshood, whether
acted or told, and that is perpetual
deterioration and decentralization.
No one can act lie or live a lie with
out being dishonest. When man
sacrifices his honesty he loses the
handspring of his character, and he
cannot be perfectly honest when heis
living by frequenting costly restaurants
or hotels, by wearing expensive cloth
ing or by extravagant living when be
cannot afford it.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1904-12-03

When things don't come along your way,
Can't hurry 'em BY frettin';
If clouds o. care obscure your day,
Can't chase 'em on By frettIn'.
Your tears just irriRate your Voc
An freehen up an help It grow
Don't wash IL out o. sight, an so
There amt no use in frettin'.
The heavy load You have to bear
Amt lightened up BY frettin';
The sorrow vultures IN the air
Amt skeered away by frettin'.
If debt ie cr0wdin'. rent is due,
No cash In hand. an you are blue.
Can't square yourself by frettin'.
No matter what your cares an woes,
Don't humor 'em by frettin';
If hard luck aims her heavy blows,
Strike back-don't go TO frettin'.
Screw mp your nerve an hold your grip,
An keep frozen upper lip,
Fur anything on earth can whip
The man who gifts to frettin'.
-Dsnver Post
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1904-12-03

LADY Calling on new vicar young
wife)-"Have you seen the library at
the Hall7 Sir George isqnite a bibli-
ophile, You know"
Wears Wife (warmly)-"O I'm
SO glad to hear that. Somany Of those
wealthy men have no religionl''
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1904-12-03
SOME THINGS MAN HATES THE MOST.

Here are some OF the things man
dislikes most:
He hates highly rouged cheeks.
It is not the sin of putting on the
color, but the sin OF putting it on SO
badly that you are found out that
CRATES on him.
He hates a loud voiced woman.
In fact, he hates anything about a
woman which attracts public atteu-
ton. It is not the strikingly gowned
but the becomingly gowned woman
who appeals to him. Striking fash
ions and loud ways are never becom-
ing, because they throw the woman
herself in the shade.
He hates the woman who whines.
A hypochondriac who forever recites
her sufferings for his benefit would
drive the best men to the Devil-or
the club.
He hates draggled skirts and mud
dy shoes.
He hates woman who will spend
her time trying to convince him that
he is wrong-and who can do it.
He hates woman who knows and
sees too much.
He hates woman who says mean
things about other women. He
never can be persuaded that anything
but underhand meanness and jealousy
have prompted her to do this.
He hates woman who keeps him
waiting. He expects his wife to
wait at home for him all day, but he
chafes if he has to wait for her FIVE
minutes while she is dressing.
He hates woman who does not
make it apparent that she appreciates
all his good qualities-and most of
his bad ones.
He hates to be found out.
He hates house where the furnl-
ture is too handsome to be sat upon
and the chairs too good to hold his
feet.
He hates excitement at the dining
table.
He hates the person who tries to
read the newspaper before he gets it
in the morning especially if she is
his wife.
He hates woman who has politi-
cal views and no particular religion.
He hates nice, refined little girl
who tries to be smart and Bohemian
by taking cocktails and choking over
cigarettes.
He hates the new Directoire hats.
He hates all abnormalities like
huge pompadours, bustles, hoop
skirts, balloon sleeves and burnt
onion velvet.
But he loves the woman who is
coldest to him, the man who can whip
him in fight, the dog that he has to
keep muzzled and the lobster that
disagrees with him.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1904-12-03

MAMMA, !" said fve-year-old Bes-
sic, can't 1 have a milkmaid's cos
tune for Cousin Nellie's party9"
"I'm afraid such costume wouldn't
be suitable for little girl like you,
replied the mother. but" persis-
ted Bessie, 81 can be a condensed milk
maid, can't / p
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1904-12-03

WIFE-I'm sorry to see you come
home in such state as this, Charles.
Husband-I knew you'd be sorry
Carrie, and that's why told you not
to sit up.-Boston Transcript.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1904-12-03

WHY rs woman unlike cat? A
woman cannot run up telegraph
pole and a cat cannot run up mil
liners bill.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1904-12-03

THE MAN who does the little thing
we'll is always ready to do the big
thing better.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1904-12-03

MISTRESS (to pretty housemaid)--
"By the way, Mary, should my hus-
band ever attempt to kiss you just
box his ears soundly."
Maid "Shure, ma'am, he's felt
the weight of me hand twice already"
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1904-12-03

"SHE SAID 1 might kiss her on
either cheek" "What did you do?"
81 hesitated for a long time between
them"
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1904-12-03

$50 YOUR wife has given up the
study of Theosophy 2"
eyes. She decided that one astral
body would be of no use. Unless she
could be at tea, progressive euchre
party, meeting of the sewing circle,
a matinee, and department store at
the same time it wasn't worth wor-
rying about"
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1904-12-03

THE MAN who keeps well polish
ed hoe usually has a clean and well
kept garden.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1904-12-03

liz EVERYBODY knew what one said
of the other there would not be four
friends left in the world.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1904-12-03

LITTLE ELMER-"Papa what is a
Shylock?"
nv son. is man who is called so by
the people to whom lends money, be-
cause he expects them to pay it back. !"
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1904-12-03
QUEEN MOTHER IN RAGE.

The princess uttered loud cry
a long, piping note-and at once all
the hive was thrown into the great
est state of excitement. The bees
stopped working and fiocked to see
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1904-12-03

TEss-"Y you're still engaged to
Jack, 1 suppose.
Jess-"Of course. He's just a
DEAR"
Tess-"And does he love you as
much as ever?" :.
Tess-"Gracious No. How could
he? You know he broke his right
arm the other day."
The Cairo bulletin., 1904-03-15
FB-Trains leayt Cairo:

fs'Trains leayt Cairo:
1880 a. m. Daily Chicago Vestibuie
Limited. arriving in Chicago at 1880 q. m.
connecting with afternoon trains for all points
east and north.
2:2O n. M. Daily 1t. Louis Night Limited
arriving in st, Louis at 1858 a. m, connecting
at Unioh station for all doints west Sleeping
cars open at 9:45 a. m.
$50 IA. M, Chicago Daylight Express,
except Sunday, makes all stops between Cairo
and Chicago, arriving in Chicago at 100 y. M.
This Train makes connections at Ashley for
Evansville and Henderson, at Centralia for all
points on the Air Line, at Ogden for all points
on the b. 4 O. s. w. r. R., including Cincip
matt and Louisville, at Ettingham with the Van
dala Line for Terre Haute, Indianapolis am
points east, at Mattoon 5or Terre Haute, In
dlanspolis AID points east and at champaign
with the Big Fovr for points east and west.
$50 "A. m, st. Louis Morning Express,
except Sunday, arriving in St. Louis at 1924
making all stops.
AZ u. IN. ST. Louis Fast Mail, ayriy-
ing in St louis at Sis p. m,
l:12 Chicago Midday Special, arriv
ingin Chicago, 10 COP, m.
300 p. m. Daily 1t. Louis Limited, ar
irving IN ~. Louis at sos p. m, connecting at
Union Station for Kansas City, Omaha, Dem
yer, san Francisco and all points west.
300 y. m. Fast Express for Odin, FL
bingham, Mattoon, Tolona, Champaign, Chi
cago.
2;35 Thehes Accommodation.
a:05 y. IN. Chicago and Eastern Fx-
press arriving in Chicago at sos a m, indians
spolis 7;2b Cincinnati, 1875 y. M, Buffalo s;2s
?. M, New York 1850 a. m. Sleeping cars TO
Chicago,
Passengers f FGT NeT So YGF n" and eastern n5
that the Illinois Central Is the quickest route
by many hours, leaving Cairo al 3;g5 r. IN. aud
ar ivihgln New YORK AZ 1850 the second morn
ing,
The Cairo bulletin., 1904-03-15
THE GREAT SOUTHWEST
Many Seeking Homes Where
Lands Are Cheap and
Climate is Mild.
Low Rates for Homeseekcrs and Col
onists Twice a Month.

Many farmers In the northern and
eastern states are selling their high
priced lands and locating in the south
west--in Missouri, Arkansas, Louisi.
ana and Texas. Many who have been
unable to own their home in the older
country are now buying land at the
low prices prevailing In the new coun.
try-s7 $40, SIS, per acre and up.
These lands are mostly cut-over tim.
Der lands, some OF them possessing
deep rich soil producing corn, wheat,
oats, clover, cotton. fruit and veg
etables. Well improved farms are
scattored throughout this country.
Many places with small clearings and
some improvements can be bought
very cheap Our descriptive literature
gives a fairly good idea of this coun.
try. II tells about the soil, crops, eli.
mate, people, schools and churches,
water, health. 1t contains maps show
ing location of countries, towns, rail
ways and streams, and gives names
and addresses OF real estate dealers
In the towns.
Reduced rates for homesoekers and
colonists are in effect first and third
Tuesdays Of each month. by way Of
ST Louis, Cairo or Memphis and the
Cotton Belt Route. Let US send you
aur literature and quote you rates.
Address Or
M. ADAM, E. w. LaBEkUME,
Trav. p. Agtp Gen. p. & T. A.,
Cotton Belt Rte, Cotton Belt Rte,
Cairo, III. st. Louis, Mo.
The Cairo bulletin., 1904-03-15
Do You Want Strenqth /?

II you want to increase your
strength you must add to and not take
from the physical. In other words,
the food that you eat must be digest
cd. assimilated and appropriated by
the nerves, blood and tissues before
being expelled from the intestines.
Kodol Dyspepsia Cure adds to the
physical 1t gives strength to and
builds up strength in the human sys.
TEN. 1t is pleasant to the taste and
palatable, and the only combination
of digestants that will digest the food
and enable the system to appropriate
all of its health and strengthening
qualities Sold by Metzgers drug
store.
The Cairo bulletin., 1904-03-15
HOW HyOMEI HELPS THE HEALTH
Kills the Germs of Grip, Cstarrh and
Colds, costs Nothing II it Fails
Says Paul G. Schuh G. Son.

Paul G.. Scbuh e Son have seen so
many remarkable cures made by the
Hyomd treatment. that they sell it
with the positive agreement to re-.
turn the money if ID fails to cure.
a complete outfit costs but 81. and
consists of the pocket inhaler. medi-
cine dropper and sufficient IIyomei to
last several weeks.
It effects a cure in the worst ca
tarrhal troubles and if hreathed at the
commencement of a cold or the grip,
will check it quickly and prevent sick.
ness Extra bottles oil Iyomei can be
obtained for soc
AT this season Of the year, every
one should have a Hyomci outfit to
prevent and cure catarrah troubles.
and ward OF attacks of grip. pncu-
mona aud similar germ diseases.
The Cairo bulletin., 1904-03-15
Colds Cause Pneumonia.

One of the most remarkable cases
Of cold, deep-seated on the lungs,
causing pneumonia, is that of Mrs.
Gertrude II Femme. of Marion, Ind.
who was entirely cured by the use of
One Minute Cough Cure She says;
THE coughing and straining so weak
ened me that ran down in weight
from 14S to 90 pounds ! tried a mum,
Der of remedies to no avail until
used One Minute Cough Cure. Four
bottles Of this wonderful remedy
cured me entirely of the cough,
strengthening my lungs and restored
me to my normal weight. health and
strength Sold by Met2ger's drug
store
The Cairo bulletin., 1904-03-15
General River News.

The stage of the river at I p. m.
yesterday was $50 showing rise Of
10 in twenty-four hours.
The Barrett left at 10 a m yester.
day with two barges of lumber and
one OF oak logs for st. Louis.
Thos. A Nevens passed to Paducab
from Memphis yesterday morning
with empties
Tom Boyle came down on the
Stacker Lee and is open for berth
Sam Shoemaker has rendered hi
resignation as chief engineer Of the
Pacific
The General Casey arrived SUNDAY
from st. Louis and departed yester
day morning She will correct the
river guages from Birds Point to ST
Louis.
The n. l.. Abbott. Capt Ike Nessen
left for Point Pleasant. The engi
neers have finished survey for the
extention of the Mississippi leyee to
The Cairo bulletin., 1904-03-15

Wolf Island, and will do some leveC
work from Point Pleasant to Heurico
The Fred Hardwig arrived with
three harges Of lumber for Sondhei
meg and company She went down tC
Ripperdam's for two barges of hick
DRY and left for points below with
one empty and a derrickboat yester
day afternoon.
Snagboat Wright arrived from ST
Louis at ) p IN yesterday She goes
back up the river this morning as the
river is too high TO do anything be
low here,
The Paepckpe arrived at $50 p
m yesterday with two barges Of Logs.
Tug Bart L. Molo arrived from
Memphis and weut 10 Mound City
yesterday morning She has been
purchased by Mound city parties t.
tow logs. She has a nineteen inch
square engine and all things being
equal. should BE- able to tow some.
The Charlotte Roeckclar arrived
from below with two bargcs of pull
wood. and went 20 the bank at Eighth
street.
Carrie v. went below with two emp
les and a derrick boat
City Of Memphis passed MP to Ten
lessee river from ST. Louis
The movement Of logs in this vic
Unity has been conducted with marked
energy since it became a question u
how high the river was going as
many are exposed. but the number Of
logs on the bank at OBryans, Head
of Island Two. Pritchard's Point, Met
tie Bound Norfolk Missouri Point
Birds Point, Greenfelds. Pond Lilly
and Hurricane field are in excess Of
the facilities To move them in time
to save them from, in many cases
any more water. AT Missouri Point
the bank is caving badly and many
are going in and floating away
The Stacker Lee was at the whar'
Sunday night bound to Memphis with
4 good trip She has a white crow o,
fifty rousters They are all italians
and but two can speak English. They
are a steady set of young men, and by
comparison With the negro rOuster il
the matter of appearance. have got
him skinned a mile. all being comfort
ably and decently dressed They are
willing workmen and will soon over
come their awkwardness and do tho
work of a rOuster with the SAINT
slight and smoothucss Of the negro
who has had years of experience
The white rouster has come to stay
Steamboat owners have had their
business dominated by the negro rous
ters until they are thorough!
exhausted. The boats are going t.
run and they are not going to be rm
by negro rousters. His elimination
must be charked to his own reckless
abuse Of his special adaptability 70
this special work which no one de
MES. hut with a little patience on the
part of mates. the daeo can be taught
There are a great many negro roUs
ters. who have been on the river for
years who don't know the horn Of q
cavel from the horn of Dilemma.
The Cairo bulletin., 1904-03-15
hapnY. Healthy Children.

Any child can take Little Early
Risers with perfect safety They are
harmless, never gripe or sicken, and
yet they are so certain in results that
robust constitutions requiring drastic
means are never disappointed. They
cannot fail to perform their mission
and every one who uses DeWitt's Lit.
tie Early Risers prefer them to all
other pills They cure biliousness,
Sold by Metzger's drug store.
The Cairo bulletin., 1904-03-15
The Name Witch Hazel.

The name Witch Hazel is much
abused T. c. Dewitt & Co. Chicago,
are the inventors of the original and
only genuine Witch Hazel Salve A
certain cure for Cuts, Burns. Bruises,
Eczema, letter, Piles. etc. There are
many counterfeits of this salve. some
of which are dangerous. while they
are all worthless. In buying Witch
Hazel Salve see that the name f. G.
Dewitt e Co, Chicago. is on the box
and cure Is certain. Sold by Metz.
gers drug store.
The Cairo bulletin., 1904-03-15
cHANCERy NOTICE.


state OF Illinois, Alexander County, SIS.
In the Alexander County Circuit Court, May
term A, D., 1901. In Chancery sitting. August
w. SCHNEIDER who sues by his next friend Au-
t,Schindler, Complsinant,vs Msgdaiana We
Der Daniel Weber William Weber, Maggie We
Der, John " cher, Philip Weber, Chas Weber
and Nelson Morris Edward Morris and Ira. N
Morris, partners doing business under firm name
and style Of Nelson Norris Il Company, aud
William Winter and Claude Winter, partners
doing business under firm name and style of
Winter Brothers, Napoleon b. Thstlewood
Patrick Barth snd William Walbsum De-
PENDANTS, Bill in Chancery for par
tltion and an accounting The allowed
named defendants are hereby notified
that said complainant has this day filed
in said court certain bill in Chancery for
Partition and an accounting against them and
that Summons has issued thereon returnahle on
the first day OF the next term Of said court, TO
be holden at the court house in Cairo, Illinois,
on the 9Th day of May next.
Cairo, Illinois, March 18th A. d. 1901
LEE b. DAVIS. Clerk.
Iansdon 4 l.eek and David S. Lansden, Com
plainant's solicitors.
The Cairo bulletin., 1904-03-15
SOUTHERN DIVISION.
THE ONLY DIRECT LINE To MEMPHIS
NASHVILLE, CHATTANOOGA, At
LANTA, JACKsONVTLLE, sA.
VAENAH, pICRARuRG
and NEW ORPHANS

81 2. THE Dixie Flyer" Memphis, Nash
vile and Jacksonville, solid train, baggage car
coaches and sleeper TO Nashville, via Martin,
through sleeper TO jacksonville, arriving in
Nashville at q. M, Chattanooga at 2;3S p.
m, Atlanta at 7;30 p. m. Macon, Ga, at ll:I0
p. m. Jacksonville Florida al S;is a. m
300 3. m Memphis and New Orleans Limit
ed via memphis, arriving in Memphis at Sis
a. m. and New Orleans rs p. m.
$40 o. m, daily Fulton, Paducah and Louis
vile EXdress, arriving in Fulton l0;l5 =, m.
Paducah ll;i0 q. m. and Louisville b;45 y. IN.
| sos p. m, daily Memphis and New Orleans
Fast Mail arriving in Memphis at 7l0 p. IN. and
New Orleans at 9;25 A. III.
/ :O6 p m, daily, Nashville Chattanooga and
Southwestern, limited, through coaches to
Nashville and through sleeping car for Nash
vile and Chattanooga with competitions for all
southeastern points, reaching eashville a. 800
p. m, Chattanooga at s:ps a. M, Atlanta 1880 a.
nj. Macon ll0 a m, and Jacksonville at 1925
p. m
5:32 p m. Memphis and New Orleans Specia
arrive in Memphis at 1000 p. M, New Orleans
1000 q. m.
So For through tickets, sleeping car accom-
modations ami further information apply ut
Illinois Central Railroad depot Cairo m.
J n. JONES, Tiki. Agt.
A, II. HANSON, Gen Pass. Agt. Chicago.
The Cairo bulletin., 1904-03-15
A DMINIsTRAToRs NOTICE.

Estate OF Clemmens SCHNEIDER, Deceased.
The undersigned, having been appointed adj
mini TRAITOR of the estate of Clemmens Sehipd-
Ter late of the county Of Alexander and the
State of Illinois, deceased hereby gives notice
that he will appear before the county court OF
Alexander county, at the court house in Cairo
at The May term on the FIRST Monday in May
next, at which time all persons having claims
against said estate are notified aud requested
TO attend for the purpose of having the same
adjusted All persons indebted to said estate
are required 10 make immediate payment 10
the undersigned
Dated this list day of March, A. ID. 1901
AUaUsV SCHlNDLBR, Administrator.
The Cairo bulletin., 1904-03-15
rHE oHIn-At ErnnsrIlle. ,

THE OHIO.-At Evansville. will
commence falling within the next IL
or a hours, and continue falling for
several days At Paducah, viii con.
tinue rising during the next "a hours,
come TO a stand, then fall The maxi
mum stage at CAIRO on present rise
will be between 50 and 36 feet.
THE TENNESSEE. From Flor.
ence to below Jacksonville, no mater
ial change during the next Is hours.
THE MlSSISSIPPI.-FrOm below
st. Louis. to above CAIRO, very little
change during the next Sc hours.
p. II. Smyth. Observer