The Savannah morning news. (Savannah, Ga.) 1900-current, 1904-11-27
MR.. DOOLEY
- ON *
8 IE @ E s
By F. p. DUNNE.
Copyright, 1904, by Mcclure. Phillips & Co.

if We didn't mind Twin in a fallen
city,-a quiet life, conjaynial people,
comfortable an safe homes, little wur-
ruk an some fightin'. It's always tn
same way. I've wept me last weep
over tn sufferin iv tn besieged. L
shed nanny tears on account iV tn
poor Spanyards in Sandago, but whin
tn American sojers got into tn town
they were almost Suffycated be tn
smell iv garlic cookin' with omelattes.
1 raymimber how panied 1 was over
tn desperate plight iv tn sojers an
diplomats at Picking. rushed an army
over there. They kilt Chinymen be tn
thousands an in tn face iv incredible
misstatements fought their way to tn
dures iv tn palace where their star
vim brothers were imprisoned. What
did they find? They found tn diplo-
mats in their skirt sleeves film pack
in cases with tn underwear iv tn
Chinese impror an tn spoons iv TIL
Chinese impress. TIL air was filled
with cries iv 'Hinnery, won't we set
on this thrunk? l can't get tn lid
down since We put in that hateful idol >
TIL English ambassadure was thryin'
on goold brocaded vest four thou
sand years old. TIL Frinch ambas-
sadure was cratin' up tn impror's libry
an tn German embassy an gallant
officers iv tn Kaiser were in tn OBJ
sarvatory pryin' off tn brass fittings iv
tn tillyscopes.
$50 I'll save me tears about Port
Arthur till all tn rayturns are in. I'd
like to get hold iv a copy iv tn Port
Arthur Melojeen. 1 wondher where L
cud subscribe to it. I'd bet ye'd find
1t cheerful. 'Yisterdah was univintful
Tn Japs threw a few shells befure
breakfast an thin retired. This thing
has got to stop. Fridah we had a
dog famed an if this occurs again we
will appeal to tn authorities. TIL
Eschemojensky band give concert on
tn public square an nanny iv tn
townspeople turned out to hear it d.
John Smithinski was up befure Judge
Hoganenski on tn familyar charge
He was sentenced to twinty knouts or
fifty days. Main sthreet is torn up
again. How long will this condition
last befure tn people iv our fair city
rise in their might against tn corrup-
tionists at tn City Hall? CIosin' quota
tions on tn Port Arthur board iv
thrade: Caviar sixteen asked, fourteen
bid; candles quiet an unchanged with
fair demand FIR light upland tallow.
Answers to correspondents: May
ski: take half a pound iv tar, quart
iv cookin' sherry, two pints iv vinegar
an pound iv potash an apply to
tn face with paint brush befure re-
trim
'Arthursld .Lumleyvitch: No. Ar
thur, it is not considered in good form
whin waikiki with a lady to run whin
a bomb dhrops in ye'er neighborhood
Seize ye'er fair companion be tn ell
bows an place her in front Nv we. TIL
rule iv all p'lite circles is: Ladies'
| first
Timothyvitch X: Jeffreys in tn
sicond round
Anxious, We don't know
Sure, Hinnissy, it's always tn same
way. Wan iv tn sthrangest things
about life is that it will go on in on
| fav'rable circumstances an go out whin
| ivrything is aisy. A man can live an
have a good time no matther what
happens to him that don't kill him.
lived here durin' tn cholery. 1 didn't
| like it, but they was on'y wan other
thing to do an 1 didn't care FIR that.
If ye're livin' in a town that's bein'
bombarded, We don't like it at first,
but afther awhile We begin to accomy-
date yeersilf to it an by an by whin
| a shell dhrops near We while ye're ar
| GYM about tn tariff, We step aside
an If ye're still there afther tn smoke
| is cleared away, We raysume tn argy-
mint. Ye have to make new friends,
| but so We do in Chicago. A man iv
an is in more danger thin a definder
| iv Port Arthur at twinty-wan. Dustin
/ shells is on'y wan iv tn chances iv
| life like pnoomony an argyin' with a
! policeman.
Besides, bet We no. garrison liver
rayfused toN surrinder whin it was
starvin', onless 1t was afraid tn inimy
wud shoot tn man with tn white
| flag. A garrison begins to think iv
| surrindherin' whin it can't get pie al
| ivry meal Cut out wan Nv it's meals
an it begins to wondher what's tn
use iv fightin' a lot Nv nice fellows
Rayjooce it more an some Nv tn sojers
will say to tn gin'ral If We haven't
got sheet of FELLOWSHIP handy fl
a flag, We can use our shirts Ye may
change tn dite to horse meat bur
horse meat rayminds a Europeen so
jer iv what his mother used to cal
beef. But he's got to have enough
A hungry man won't fight EXCEPT fl
food an he'd follow a beefsteak twice
as far as he wud tn flag Nv amy i'm.
pror or car"
why don't that Gin'ral Stoessel sur
rindher anyhow" asked Mr.. Hen.
messy.
NO wan has told him to. He's
German" said Mr.. Dooley.