Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1904-11-05
PAINTS BLACK EYES

There Is man N WdSnHlSto H WIZ pAA'ss~
black eyes as good as new. He has TWO
or three side lines. such as breeding puii
pups and doing a bit of rain-making for
a certain Washington handbook on the
ponies. but painting black eyes is his spe
cialty. and all of the dead-games around
town, who are liable to find themselves
with a black eye or SO at any hour, know
where to find him. He does not, as yet, adj
vertise his business, like the New York
practitioners of his gentle and merciful
art. with a huge sign. reading. Il Paint
Bum Lamps" But, as stated. they all
know where to find him.
You ought to see the other Fellow
that's what about nine out OF ten OF EN-
say when they come to me to have their
sinners reduced" said the painter OF black
eyes in a dscursive moment the other day.
I'm supposed to take it for granted that
all of my customers who come here TO nave
their lamps trimmed have really and truly
and honest Injun made frankfurters OF
the other fellow.
Handed him his'n, hey? / always say
when they try to get by with that joke.
What did you do to him?'
Well, If you want to find out. you can
just telephone down to the Emergency
that's where they took him when l got
through with him. is the reply that good
many of them make.
Once in great while. though. big,
How'd / get It'll? said one of that sort
to me a while ago when l put the usual
question to him. Why, got the hull conk
punched off of me last night by a lively lit
tie gazoob about the size of roasting
ear
You were sozzed. suppose?' said to
him. to let him down easy.
Sozzed nothing he replied. Didn't
have three drinks in, He just circled around
me like upholsterer around a Louis-the-
Seventh-Street padded tabouret, and when
he got tired l was all in
We'll you sure look husky enough to
take care of yourself in MIX l said to
him.
well. there's another look coming
somewhere then said the big man.
can't fight for shucks-never could-never
tried. Fact is, 1 couldn't lick two-weeks
old wood-tick if you'd chain him to a stake
in the ground for me. But there's one
thing- can stand lot of punishment.
and then 1 went ahead and fixed up his
purple one that extended way down to the
end of his Jaw.
Business is slack with me now, but I
expect to have plenty to keep me busy for
few days after the election. Business
around election probably won't be so good
here, at that as it will be in Baltimore, and
/ have a lot of Baltimore trade in fixing
up sinners. nobody having gone in for the
gag in Baltimore yet.
Il had a queer call from Baltimore
dead-game only month or SO ago. He'd
had a run-in with a Baltimore cop on the
night before
He'd had bun on, and the cop had
pinched him for disorderly conduct He
had resisted the Turk with the club, and
the cop had planted an easy, come-alOng
one on his head with the locust. 1t didn't
hurt the sport any, because 1t went through
his derby and was blunted that way. The
sport had deposited hefty bundle of col
lateral to appear at the Baltimore police
court the next morning.
WELL he telephoned to me to run over to
his hotel in Baltimore early that morning,
and 1 went.
Say he said to me as soon as l got
into his room in Baltimore, I want you to
make holy show of me- You can't make
me look too much chopped up, and then he
went ahead and told me of his scrap with
the cop and arrest the night before. I've
got to be down to the court in couple of
hours, for l don't want to lose out on the
bond bunch that / put up. Neither do
want to take a chance on being tucked
away for a bit on the two charges they've
got rugged against me-diSOrderly conduct
and resisting an officer. I want you to
paint me a sinner. Give the bummest
lamp that ever came out of County Wick
low. Then L want you to paint up a lot
of imitation cuts all over my map, see?
And then bind up my head in bandages so
that only the damaged part of my chart
will show. I'm going to have bunch OF
witnesses on hand to testify that the cop
tried to beat my head off. He's harp with
a reputation as a clubber, that cop. and
maybe I'll get by with it that way
We'll, it looked little phony, of course
it's my business to fix maps up and make
EN- look natural instead of making Gus
toners look as if they'd been trying to
rough-house herd of goats. But it was
none of my business what this sport did
with his face after fixed it up and when
he told me there was $25 in the job for mine
/ went at him, and inside of an hour he
was the worst-looking imitation of man
you ever saw. He was enough to make you
go and buy bromides, just to peek at him.
He passed me by $25, and l skated down
to the court to see how he would make out
1t was something easy. The magistrate
took just one look at the bandaged sport
with the phony sinner and cuts, and then
he chased the complaining cop off the
bridge, calling him loafer and threaten
ing to have him tried for his badge.
You may go, my man-you certainly
seem to have been punished too much al
ready said the magistrate to the sport,
and then the dead-game climbed out. tip
ping me the wistful wink out of his bogus
CLEANER"