davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Press., 1904-07-06
A Mean Trick.

A lawyer defending promissory note went to lunch, leaving his books and citations on the table in the court room. The opposing counsel sneaked back into the room and changed the places of all his bookmarks. In the afternoon the lawyer, taking up his books referred the court to his author ities. His lordship noted every volume and page carefully and took the case under consideration. In rendering his opinion he said:
 \ was inclined after hearing argu- ment of counsel for defendant to non- suit plaintiff, but l find, after referring to the authorities quoted by counsel, none of them bear on this case, and I am led to think that the gentleman has been willfully trying to insult the court. He has referred me to an ac- ton of an Irishman who sued the pro prietor of monkey for damages for biting him, to case of arson, one of burglary, two of petty larceny and three divorce cases. none of which bears on an action to recover OH a promissory note. Perhaps the grossest insult to the court is referring to 'Duckworth versus Boozyman,' an ac- tion charging defendant with breach of promise. Judgment for plaintiff with costs"
 The lawyer never knew what the matter was and to this day thinks the judge was out of his mind.-Pearson's Weekly.
The Press., 1904-07-06
Got His Moneys Worth.

A lady palmist was recently prose cuted, and an amusing incident was noted in connection with the case. One of the witnesses called by the police was an individual who did not appear to be overburdened with intelligence. During smart cross examination de- fendant's counsel asked him:
 ''On first going into the room did you pay shilling fee to the defendantY
 ''Yes," was the reply. ..
 What did she tell you in return for the money? .-.
 "Oh." said the witness, ''she towld me lots O things. some on 'em true, some on 'em half true an some on 'em lees. '
 "Now," continued the counsel after the laughter had died away, ''this is the point I wish to get at: Was there any attempt at imposition? Did the lady impose upon you at ali"
 ''Oh, dear. no" was the response. 'I knowed it wor all gammon, so there couldn't be no imposition. Besides, 1t wor bad sllillin' as guy her, to start wi'r'- if -RirS
The Press., 1904-07-06
A Curiou. Ferry.

Captain Hambro. while travelling among the Kazaks of Turkestan, dis covered curious way of taking a heavily laden boat across a broad riv- CT. The method consisted in piling up the boat as full as 1t would hold with out sinking of all the persons and all their baggage that 1t was desired to take across. Then the boat was launched. There were no oars and no sails. The motive power was supplied by the horses, the cattle. the sheep and the goats of the nomadic and pastoral people swimming in front and along side and so by degrees that were far more slow than they were sure towing the boat to the other side. Tn one i'm stance which Captain Hambro men, tiOns the river that party crossed in this manner was 200 yards wide.
The Press., 1904-07-06
AN INTERRUPTED SERMON.
Preaching Under Difficulties Nm an
 English Church.

Preaching Under Difficulties Nm an
 English Church.
 In "A Preachers Story of his Work, i" Dr. Rainsford tells of some strange in terruptiens he encountered while preaching one of his earliest sermons in the English cathedral town of Nor wich. .. s. ..... Es
 Dr. Rainsford was in the middle of his sermon when he chanced to look down from the high pulpit to where the members of the choir were seated in large boxlike pew, screened from the congregation by a curtain. Much to the preachers surprise, one of the men in the choir put his arm around a girl, drew her head down on his shoul- der and then looked up at Dr. Rains ford and winked. -.....
 The preacher stopped his sermon, walked down out of the pulpit and told the rector the members of the choir were acting outrageously. The rector walked up to the pew, drew down the curtain with jerk and ex- posed the spoOning couple to the view of the congregation.
 AACh OA. AoAucAOiu IcSuhcU hAS 5cI- mon. A minute later he chanced to look down the main aisle, and there, walking in solemn procession, were a hen and a dozen chicks. To crown 1t all, when the sexton tried to drive them out he was so drunk he fell right on top of the hen. And then from his place the old rector cried out:
 Let her alone, John; she is doing no harmp'
The Press., 1904-07-06
FISH FED BY HAND.
Many Specimens of the Fimny Tribe
 Are Easily Tanned.

M@mY specimens OK UmG RAM@% ARAWW
 Are Easily Tanned.
 Experiments made in a large aqua rum have proved that fish may be easily tanned and trained. This Is par ticularly true of blue perch. They soon consent to taking their food ulva, a green, lettucelike weed-frOm the hand, and do not at all object to being handled. A huge kelp cod, splendid specimen of rich blue and green hues, that was kept in tue same tank with the perch, readily learned to feed from the hand, and seemed to enjoy being scratched and rubbed.
 Sea slugs, too = singular, shell-iess things possessing the faculty of secret ing a purple fluid which they throw out in self defense-tOOk their regular meal of seaweed from their feeders fingers without the slightest fear. Sticklebacks, perch, bass and catfish are among the most easily tanned fish, and the story Is told of an old fisher man who day after day fed large horse mackerel in the open sea with pieces of the fish he cleaned. It grad ually got into the habit of coming nearer and nearer to where the boat was tethered until, finally convinced that it would not be harmed, 1t con- sented to take its daily meal directly from the fsherman's hand.
The Press., 1904-07-06
THIRTY YEARS AGO.
of The PreAa. thlrtY Yearn aRn.I
JuIy Q. 1874.


 The Springs House has passed under the charge of a new landlord-H. E. Dorman from Worcester.
 Dr. Newton this morning dressed the stump of the second finger of Frank Butterfeld's right hand. Frank had been interviewing Grandy's buzz saw.
 George O. Sparhawk, who has kept the Springs House for the past eight cen months, very quietly left town on the Fourth, and has not been here since during daylight hours. The annual meeting of the corpora tors of the Savings Bank of Stafford Springs was held yesterday. The fol- lowing officers were chosen: B. w. Patten. president; Win. Smith, Rob- bins Patten, Charles Warren, vice presidents; W. H. Cooley, E. T. Con- verse, M. P. J. Walwer, Smith w. Page, Orrin Converse, Lucien Holt, H. M. Kinney, directors. The prairie wolves at the Springs House accidently got out of their den one morning this week, after the de- parture of MT. Sparbawk. There happened to be several men about at the time with some of the gamiest dogs of the village, which were ex- pected to chew up the wolves at once. One of these, however, broke for the woods and escaped. The other fought the drove of dogs, and the assistance of bystanders was required to van quish the wild brute. And now our nimrods have got "business" with the one at large.
 At the monthly meeting of the war den and burgesses held Monday even- ing, it was voted to order a plank side walk, four feet wide, to be built on the north side of West Main street. |, from fork in road near John Foskit's block, to a point opposite the west line of Foxville school house lot. Also that MT. Rockwell be notified to move the fence, front of his lot near Foxville school house, hack to line of highway within sixty days. Also that Daniel Sullivan be notified to re- move his woodshed from the limits of the highway within ten days. Above votes were passed in compliance with a petition praying for same, and sign ed by forty seven persons, residents of West Main street and vicinity. A petition signed by twenty four resi- dents of South street and vicinity, asking that South street may be drain ed and graded, was received, and voted to comply with the prayer of the petitioners.
 Born.-In Somers, June 27ht, 1874. a daughter to E. P. Russell.
 In Stafford Springs, June 2Gth, . son to John Comfort; July 9th n son to Joseph Bissett; 9th, a son to Chas. Carpenter.
The Press., 1904-07-06
THE WORD HUMBuG.
There Are Various Plausible Expl.
 nations of Its Origin.

There Are Various Pla ausible Expla-
 nations of Its Origin.
 The word "humbug" has been traced back to the title page of The Uni versal Jester, q choice collection of merry conceits, bOnmots and hum- bugs, by Fcrdinando Killigrew, Lon don, 1735-4O." The following are the most plausible and possible deriva- tiOns:
 In the time of James H. worthless coin was minted at Dublin from a soft mixed metal, which became known as uim bog, pronounced Ooombug-i e., soft copper worthless money.
 Some see in it corruption of Ham, burg, from which town so many false reports came during the war of 1799- 1906 that such news was received with "Oh, that is Hamburgw
 Others refer it to hum, in the sense of hoax, and bug, in the old sense of bugbear. Others say it is merely hum buzz, used in combination to signify sound without sense. Others, again, think that it was first applied to Hom- berg, chemist and an ardent seeker of the philosophers stone.-Notes and Queries
The Press., 1904-07-06
YOUGHIOGHENY.
The Proper Way of PrOnOuncing This
 Indian Name.

The Proper Way of PrOnOunctn9 ThAs
 Indian Name.
 Perhaps the most difficult ge0graph- ical name in the United States Is Youghiogheny, or geny, as it is some times spelled. the name of & creek in western Maryland and Pennsylvania. Few besides natives of the region pro nounce 1t with the chief accent on the penultimate and who so essays 1t with the accent elsewhere finds his mouth filled with meaningless confusion of yowels and consOnants. The first syl- lable is Tough" pronounced ''YO," with a short 'o." The second is 'f" short, the 70" following is almost if not quite unheard in the mouth of the native, while the last two syllables are those made familiar in "Alleghany," though there is even here 8 question of "a" long or ''e'' short.
 The pronunciation of Youghiogheny is, however, a simple matter with the modern spelling compared to what it must have seemed to the stranger who met it with the old spelling. On an ancient map of the region the name is spelled "Yoghyyoyghgania." Doubtless this spelling came nearer than that now in use to indicating aptly the In- dian pronunciation of the name.
The Press., 1904-07-06
INSTANT DEATH.
1t Is Not So Quick but That the Mind
 Has Time to Act.

1t Is Not So Quick but That the Mind
 Has Time to Act. ~
 It Is questionable if such a phenom- enon as instant death is known to the scientist and investigator. Physicians and surgeons tell us that death by gunshot wound is the easiest mode of 2 terminating life; yet, rapid as such a mode of taking of mast necessarily be, the body has leisure to feel and time to reflect and on rare occasions even to act. .{5fa ' .sf. j.. @
 On the first attempt of one of the adherents of the Spanish monarch to assassinate William. prince of Orange, the ball passed through the bones of his face and brought him to the ground. In the instant which preceded stupe- faction, however, he was able to frame the notion that the ceiling of a room had fallen in and crushed him.
 Another question in this connection: is that of probable pain. Although nu- merous instances could be cited in support of the view that the mind acts in cases of SO called instant death, 1t by no means follows that the infiiction of fatal blow. is attended by the least semblance of pain or a single pang of fear or regret. Unless death results immediately, however, the pain may be as varied as the nature of the in- juriea. F.
The Press., 1904-07-06

WEAK HEARTs are csused by indIges- ton. If you eat 8 little too much, or Il you are subject to attacks Of indigestion, the stomach expands-swells, and pufYs up against the heart. This crowds the heart and shortens the breath Rapid heart beats and heart disease is the final result. Kodol Dyspepsia Cure digests what you eat, takes the strain of the heart, cures indigestion, dyspepsia, sour stomach, and contributes nOurishment, strength and health to every organ of the body. Sold by W. D. Heald.
The Press., 1904-07-06
The Elect of Ro.ton.

l can remember when it was jocose- ly said of some families of Massa- chusetts that they claimed to have had. in the time of Noah's deluge, a boat to themselves. and can recall, on the other hand. when social aspir- ant in Boston asked. "Who belong to the really old families. grandmamma? ?" and when that relative shook her weary head and said, Mostly no one. my dear" ."-Thomas Wentworth Hig- ginson in Atlantic.
The Press., 1904-07-06
The Way of the World.

VmG way OK tMG wORA0s
 "When we were poor" remarked the prosperous man retiectively, i've looked forward to the time when we could have a summer home.
 "WellY'
 "Well, when we got rich enough to have one, we didn't like going to the same place every summer because it was monotonous. and we looked for. ward to the time when we could have another for variety" "WellY' ~ "Well, we got another, and then we began to long for a winter place, so that we wouldn't have to be so much in the big house in the city"
 "Well?'
 'Well, we've got them all now.''
 "And are you happyY as
 "1 suppose so. At least, suppose my wife is She keeps them all shut up and spends most of her time in Flu rope. but she knows she has them."- Chicago Post.
The Press., 1904-07-06

PILES UPON ToP OF FLIES -PIIes upon top Of piles of people have the Piles. and DeWitt's Witch Hazel Salve cures them Thele are many different kinds of Piles. but if you get the genuine and original Witch Hazel SalSe made by E. C. Dewitt < Co. of Chicago, cure is certain. H.. A Tisdale, of Summerton, s. c. says. II had piles 20 years and DeWitt's Salve cured me after everything else failed. Sold by W. D. Heald.
The Press., 1904-07-06
Ate Their Gods.

The gods of most South American tribes of Indians are generally looked upon as sacred, but when the gods be- come a nuisance it is time to put an end to them; at least, that is what a certain tribe along the Zabari river think. They worship the iguana and monkey. but as soon as the iguana started eating chickens they thought it time to stop worshiping him and to eat him in place of the chickens he had eaten. This they do. and they pre- fer iguana stew to chicken fricassee
The Press., 1904-07-06
The serinu. Poet

Sometimes" said the poet, ''I am almost afraid that I take myself too seriously"
 ''Oh, well, never mind," replied his hind hearted friend, there's no harm done if you do. Everybody else re- gards you as joke. Record Herald.
The Press., 1904-07-06
CHOKING cATARRH CURED.
Your Yoney Pack if Hyomei Does Not
 Cure You.


 'Use Hyomei and be cured of ca- tarrh,' is what all who have tried it for that disease say to their friends.
 It is the easiest thing in the world to stop catarrh at it's beginning if you use Hyoemi. Just breathe the health giving, balsamic air for few minutes and your catarrh will be cured.
 In this city and neighboring towns, there are hundreds who can testify to the remarable powers of Hyomei to cure catarrh. Many of the staunch- est friends of this remedy to-day be- gan its use with little hope that they would be cured, but as ". D. Heald offered to refund the money if 1t did not cure. they decided to try it on that plan, and were soon restored to health.
The Press., 1904-07-06

Ely's Liquid Cream Balm Is an old friend in new form. It Is prepared for the particular benefit of sufferers from nasal catarrh who are ueed tO an atomizer In spraying the diseased membranes. All the healing and soothing properties of Cream Balm are retained in the new prep.
 aration. It does not dry up the secre- tions. Price, including spraying tube, 75 cents. At your druggist's, or Ely Broth- CTS, 56 Warren street, New York, will mall 1t. IS
The Press., 1904-07-06
Amusing the Children.

Mrs. McShantee (triumphantly)-I see ye are takin' in washin' again. Mrs. McProudee! Mrs. McProudee fwhosc husband has lost paying job) Sure it's only to amuse tn childer. They wants tn windies covered wid steam so they can make pictures on fhor11
The Press., 1904-07-06
me Audience.

A lecturer. being unable to fulfill an engagement at certain town. wired: Impossible to come tonight. Give the audience back their money" He re- ceived the following reply: We have given the audience back his money, and he has gone home perfectly satis- fod O
The Press., 1904-07-06
E'ahrfmmnHa

Pretty lively bull movement" ob- served the friend of the man who managed to get over the fence without being gored.
 "Very," said the other. "I'm glad I wasn't cornered." Smart Set.
The Press., 1904-07-06
Two BottIes Cured Him

I was troubled with kidney complaint for about two years," writes A. H. Davis of Mt. Sterling, Ia., "but two bottles of Foley's Kidney Cure effected a perma- nent cure" Sold by E. K Taft, drug gist.
The Press., 1904-07-06
F0fHe6.

"After he married that rich widow she made him resign from all his clubs" ......
 Poor chap-and all he married her for was so he could pay his club dues" Puck.
 When Other Medicines Have Failed take Foley's Kidney Cure. It has cured when everything else has disappointed. Sold by E. K. Taft, druggist.
The Press., 1904-07-06
Many Children are sickly.

Mother Gray's Sweet Powders for Children, used by Mother Gray. nurse in Children'S Home, New York, cure FeverishneSS, Headache, Summer Bowel Disorders, Stomach Troubles, Teething Disorders and Destroy Worms. At all druggists, 25c. Sample mailed FREE. Ad- dress, Allen $. Olmsted, LeRoy, NY.
 WANTED-FAITHFUL PERSON TO TRAv- EL for well established house in few coun- ties, calling on retail merchants and agents. Local territory. Salary $ss.OO per week with expenses additional, all payable in cash each each week. Money for expenses advanced. Po- sttion permanent. Business successful and rush. ng. Standard House. Ss0 Dearborn St.. Chicago
The Press., 1904-07-06
He Advised Him.

Hadley-He asked me to give him little advice Bedding you gave 1t to him? Hadley-Oh, yes; didn't care much for his friendship, you know.-Boston Transcript.
The Press., 1904-07-06
Broncbitis For Twentv Years.

Mrs. Minerva Smith of Danville, III i, writes: II had bronchitis for twenty years and never got relief until I used Foley's Honey and Tar, which Is a sure cure." Sold by E. K. Taft, druggist.
The Press., 1904-07-06

A. R. Bass, of MorRantown, Ind, had to get up ten or twelve times In the night and had severe back ache and pains In the kidneys. Was cured by Foley's Kid ney Cure. Sold by E. K. Taft, druggist.
The Press., 1904-07-06
Poker,

Germans claim that poker is an old German game which for more than 100 years has been played and is still being played in some districts of West phalia. Emigrants took it to the Unit ed States, where it's name of schar- wenzel was changed into poker.
The Press., 1904-07-06

Foley's Kidney Cure purifies the blood by straining out impurities and tones up the whole system. Cures kidney and bladder troubles. Sold by E. K. Taft, druggist
The Press., 1904-07-06
The 'TellinG Part

Do you tell your wife when you have done wrong"
 ''No; she tells me."-Houston Post.
The Press., 1904-07-06
RIGHT FOOTED PERSONS.
A Shoe Dealer Says They Arc In the
 Vast Majority.

A Shoe Dealer Says They Arc In the Vast Majority.
 Did you ever notice that people are right footedT' asked the proprietor of shoe store. Watch my clerks, and you will see that invariably customers will put out their right foot when go- ing to be fitted. Now watch that cor. pulent woman going to sit down over there." &
 The woman with great weight of body took seat, lifted her curtain of black yelling, and, as the clerk ap- preached her, she poked her right foot from beneath an expanse of skirt.
 Its always the case, and don't be- lieve 1 ever knew it to fail. The shoe manufacturers evidently are wise to shoe is always packed on top. Once I had lot of shoes come to me with the left shoe on top, and it caused me such annoyance that wrote to the manu- facturer, calling his attention to the matter so that it wouldn't happen again. The majority of people are right handed, yet a left handed person has the right foot habit The right hand is larger than the left, as it is used more and consequently develops the muscles to greater extent. On the other hand, the left foot is larger than the right in most persons. The difference is so slight that we seldom have trouble in fitting shoes, however. It is the left shoe that wears out be- fore the right. and I@'bably for this reason."-Shoe RetaileE.
 The Name Patterson.
 Tompkins with a ''p'' is not more significant than Patterson with two ''t's' if tradition is to be trusted. Ac- cording to the story that has come down from the sixteenth century, the Pattersons all spelled the name with one ''t' before Queen Elizabeth set about marking those of her subjects who left the ancient Catholic faith and cast their lot with the Church of Eng land. She insisted that all the Prot estant Pattersons take to themselves a second ''t," and since that time many have followed that mode of spelling the name.-London Standard
The Press., 1904-07-06
w. ID. HEALD

ask the readers of this paper who are suffering with indigestion or dyspepsia to call on them at once and get bottle of KodDl Dyspepsia Cure. If you knew the value of this remedy as we know it. you would not suffer another day Kodol Dyspepsia Cure Is 8 thorough digestant and tissue building tonic as we'll. It Is endorsed personally by hundreds of people whom 1t has cured of indigestion, dyspep- sis, palpitation of the heart and stomach troubles generally. Kodol Dyspepsia Cure digests what you eat. If Is pleasant, palatable and strengthening.
The Press., 1904-07-06
F.,Ilow,nr the Rec,ne.

MT. Justhusband Gin the kitchen)- Darling, darling, why are you throw ing away the yolks of all those eggs? Mrs. Justhusband- goosie, the recipe says to use only the whites Brooklyn Life.
The Press., 1904-07-06

Sound kidneys are safeguards of life. Make the kidneys healthy with FOley's Kidney Cure. Sold by E. K. Taft, drug gist.
The Press., 1904-07-06

Compound brought MAE F. WHARzz, Flat s The Norman Milwaukee, Wis"
 Actual sterility Pnkham all woud-be mothers
 eEf % .fss @ @ % sRs sas and signatures E C0sL
The Press., 1904-07-06

"DEAR MRS. PINKHAM:-I was married for five years and gave birth to two pre- mature children. After that took Lydia B. Pinkham's Vegetable Com- pound. and it changed me from weak, nervous woman to strong, happy and healthy wife within seven months. With in two years lovely little girl was born, who is the pride and joy of my household.
 If every woman who is cured feels as grateful and happy as I do, you must have host of friends, for every day I bless you for the light, health and happi- ness Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable
Arizona republican., 1904-05-20
SENIOR CLASS DAY
Merchant of Venice Up To Date, by
 High School Students.

A great deal of interest is manifested in the play which will be given at the Doris theater tonight by the senior class of the high school This play, ''The Merchant of Venice," has been revised so that it applies to Phoenix and the surrounding towns of Glendale. Alhambra, Kyrene and Tempe. The class has been practicing for quite a while under the direction of Miss Mar saret J. Stewart, the elocution teacher. The entire class, with the exception of Arthur Dysart, who was called away, will be represented.
 The reader may be somewhat misty in his ideas of "The Merchant of Ven ice," as Shakespeare wrote it, but the "Up-to-Date' will be so that everyone can understand it. When you have seen Shy!ock rage and demand his for feiture; when Jessica escapes from the clutches of her guardian; when Launce- lot Gobbo meets his old mother; when the high school boys meet the normals on the football field; and especially when one sees the courtroom scene, which made "The Merchant of Ven ice'' so popular, he will feel that he has spent Q most profitable and instructive evening; and besides, not only will the talent of the class of 'O4 as actors and actresses be revealed, but he will also see, between acts, the talent of the senior class in the musical line.