Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1904-04-27

suppose it's the science Of shopping.
How about references?' inquired
the mistress. "Oh, loike yer looks.
num-" said the applicant, IAN won't
ask yer for references"
Bobbles-What does this author
mean by saying that the hero had
"well-carved' features? Dobbles-
Perhaps he shaved himself.
II wonder what makes my eyes DO
weak" said an ultra Radical once to
Mr.. Disraeli "Nhy. they are IN
weak place." said the latter.
Little Willie-Say, pa. how does an
army scour the country? Pa-With
brushes, my son. Little Willie-With
brushes7 Pa-Yes, brushes with the
enemy.
May-Did Clara's husband leave
her much when he died? Belle-He
left enough to make her comfortable
but not enough to get her second
husband Life.
Waiter-Will you try course din
ner? Country Groom-No, sir: no
coarse dinner for us. Bring us in the
finest one you've got. We don't come
down to the city every day; do we.
Matilda7
He-Do you know, dear, l was just
upstairs looking at baby, and be-
lieve she has got yotr hair. She
(springing up)-Good graciousl I
thought l had put that switch out Of
the child's reach!
Did you ever see the Dardanelles
while You were in Europe?'' NO."
answered Mr.. Cumrox. you see. We
were so busy sightseeing that We
didn't have time to. call on any OF our
friends. Washington Star.
First Boy-And because youcouldn't
find penny to pay the fare. did the
conductor make you get of the omni-
bus and walk? Second Boy-No, be
only made me get of. / could have
nat in the road II wanted to.--rit.
Bits.
"a tall bride is the best-looking,
don't you think:' WELL" replied the
titled Englishman who had caught on
to a little American slang, 80 far as
am personally concerned certainly
am not looking for one who is short Z.
Chicago Evening Post. s.
The army officer looked with dis
pleasure at the soiled sheet of paper
that had been handed him. That's q
measly looking document" he ex-
claimed. "Yes sir" said the subor.
dinate. touching his hat. It's the
sick list. Chicago Tribune.
Edyth-Yes. you see she told the
count that her fathers partner had
robbed him of nearly all his wealth,
Just to test his love for her. Mayme
And then? Edyth-He asked her for
letter of introduction to the daughter
of her fathers Chicago
News.
JOHNNY wish my folks would
agree upon one thing and not keep
me all the time in n worry. Tommy
What have they been doing nowf
Johnny-Mother won't let me stand
on my head and dad is all the time
fussing because 1 wear my, shoes out
so fast.
7 d 81
Mistress returning from holiday
Why, Bridget, whatever has become
of the parrot? Bridget-W Well, you see.
mum, after you left 1t looked bit
pining like and didn't talk much, so
the cook and put 1t out Of its misery.
poor thing and l had 1t stuffed for
my new 'at.-Judy.
"They say" said Mrs. Oldcastle,
that Mr.. Faddlethwaite, who used
| to belong to our church, has become
an agnostic' "Is that so? Josiah
used to take his lunch at the sams
place he did down town, and he says
he often warned him that he'd get It
II he didn't give up eatln' so fast
Chicago ord-Herald.
Hallit-What's the matter, Klay7
You look all tired out? Klay-And no
wonder. I've had a hard day Of 1t. I
don't know when I've worked so hard.
i looked at the men clean up the rail-
road station this morning. and after
that saw three safes raised into four
story windows. and four loads Of coal
delivered in Dissatisfaction Tran
script
They had been married only three
short weeks, and lie was actually In
terested in his paper at the dinner
table. Darling" she began in a tone
meant to be reproachful, do you love
me Just as much as You ever didg"
"Sure thing" lie answered briefly.
She ought to have been satisfied to
4 let It go at that, but she wasn't.
"Why?" she asked. Don't know"
he replied 'Just fool habit I've got
into, suppose" Then for seventeen
consecutive seconds silence reigned
supreme.-C Chicago News.
At the first performance on the new
church organ no one in the audience
was better pleased than the maid en-
/ pioyed In the organist's family. 80
you liked the music. did you, Mary?'
said the organist the next morning,
reports of her enthusiasm having
reached his ears. "Oh. 1t was Just
grand" replied Mary; the grandest
/ 1 ever heard" What did yon like
best?' asked the organist, moved hy
the glowing eulog.., ooh, don't know
that" said Mary. But there was one
place where you came down with,
both hands and your feet at the snme
time; that was about the best. Il
sounded like the steam roller coming
down the street,"
Il 40 5ftf'f.'
Phlladelphia's Potato Patch.
An admiration of the Pingree notatn
patch idea is said to have met with