The Montgomery advertiser., 1904-05-09
rREAsURY RULING.


 ment. so far as its tariff rulings are concerned. When frogs legs were sol. emnIy and officially classified as "dresset poultry" there were not many who coalt sec the propriety of the decision. So fai az our knowledge of natural history sus. tains us there is no resemblance or affi. nity between frogs and fowls, unless il be that both lay eggs. If that is tht basis of the classification they might also bring in fish and lizards.
 We suppose that decision is now the settled policy of the government. so that incident is closed, but the latest deliver arce. referring to snails. goes a little further Most people, no doubt, will wonder what the Treasury Department and the revenue officials have to do with snails. but in the words of the immortal William. There are more things in heaven and earth. Horatio, than are dreamt ot in your philosophy" and so we may say there are more things in connection with the workings of our officials than the ordinary man dreams of.
 To begin with. 1t is proper to bear in mind that snails are a favorite article of food in some countries. In France and Brittany and some other European countries they are counted great deli cacy, and. as many of those people are citizens of the United States, they natur- ally want their favorite food. As the children of Israel longed for the onions and leeks of Egypt, so do the sons and daughters of Sunny France long for the succulent snails of their native land. Just what is wrong with our own brand ot snaiIs we do not know. It may be that there is something lacking in flavor, or 1t may be that the domestic crop is not large enough to supply the large and growing demand. Not being very well up in the science of gasteropodics we are not able to decide between the for eign and domestic varieties. nor have we the statistics at hand to show what the native crop is, or how many are inn ported.
 However that may be, the fact remains that snails are imported and they must be taxed. Whenever there is a demand for any foreign article we may be sure that our authorities will find a way to derive a revenue from it; hence. when it was found that snails were in demand and were coming in without being taxed there was consternation in the revenue department. There is no snail trust-not yet-but there were American snails to be protected against cheap foreign labor or something of the kind, and our laws must see to 1t. No foreign-speaking snail must creep into Uncle Sam's preserves and compete with the home product with out paying for it, else our whole revenue system Is failure.
 But there was hitch. When MT Dingley was framing our beneficent tar if code he utterly neglected to put in snails. They are not mentioned by name O. character, but as they are not found in the free list of course they are subject to import duty, or logic is a fraud. But what to call them was the question. It would hardly do to call them dressed pOAtlly, HUI tHO 1iOSS udu titt dodge pretty severely. and snails would finish 1t. After looking 1t all over and lying awake at night in the effort to solve it the officials thought of wild animals. and the thing was done. The question was settled and as wild animals they are classified.
 It might trouble some of us to unravel the logic of this decision, but we suppose the expert who had the business in hand had heard that snails run wild in the old countries. and as everything having animal life is in one sense an animal, why, of course, snails are wild animals. There's more logic for you. and, as the poet expressed it: Logic is logic; that's what I say" and so say we all.
 Most of us know what snail is. As a sprinter, even the much slandered mes senger boy outclasses him. In fact, the only difference between standing still and a snail's progress is that the latter even tually gets somewhere. As he is alive and has one or more feet he must be an animal. but why wild? That's where We faii to connect The general conception of wild animal is something ferocious or very timid, and if the snail is either we hadn't found it. out. We have never known one to spring out and frighten or aeVour human beings. nor, so far as we now remember have we ever seen one Soooting for a hiding place at sight of man. We should call them both tame and harmless. but We are not the Treas ery Department, mores the pity. That has made the ruling, and no ordinary ciuzen must dare to put profane hands on it or the country's done for.
 And so another important matter of government is settled. If snails are to invade our dominions they are to come as wild animals, otherwise they are to find the door of hope barred against tEem' and some of our assimilated fel- low-citizens be deprived of one of their dainties. It is great thing in a free government to have an official who knows things and we've got him. Henceforth dressed poultry and wild animals have their places marked out for them and if they get into any other place they must do so at their peril. Hoch der schnails! MAKING THE TWO PLATFORMS.
 Those good souls who are clamoring 10 have Democratic platform instantly and to order can profit by what has