Smyrna times., 1904-06-22
Between Two
StOOlC
BY ALEC BRUCE
Copyright, 1903, by T. C. Mcclure

lor lhS "4uoW was III the thrOeS of a
dilemma. She had lovers, two of them,
and for both she entertained measure
of affection and respect. In the bal
ance she had weighed them and found
neither wanting. Tip, up went Gott-
lieb, down went Hans Tip, up went
Hans, down went GOttlieb. Tip, steady;
ounce to ounce they weighed and hung.
very hair would sway them.
"Ach, dey both be goot vOr husbands.
Vich best hey? | don't know now"
she mused. "Gottlieb. he haaf a warm.
dree hondred acres, two horse, SOM
COW, SOM pig, an he work. hard; he
plow SO much. Ach, but Hans, he haaf
DAT much, too, alretty, an he work
narder; he plow so much as Gottlieb.
Elder wood do. Oh, myw And again
the widow sighed.
Now, of the well matched rivals hard
wor' ing Hans was the younger and
the Aandsomer. but GOttlieb, If he was
older and of coarser fiber. was more
ardent, more noticing of the small
things so dear to woman's soul, and
II neither had popped the momentous
question. right cunningly had GottIieb
approached it. Yah. yah, much nearer
than Hans had ever dared to go.
Pauline" one day he had ventured
with a grin all over his vacuous face,
you make ride gOOt soup. Eferey day
l wish l ged mine dinner vrom yOu."
dat vas near, YER near, vas it not?
Ach, bud Hans! Hans vas chust so
AWFUL handsome, too, te-he-her snig-
gered the widow, and certainly, in the
sheepish glances, the frequent wise
like pressures Of his horny hand, in his
own dumb way Hans told an equally
nattering tale.
"Ha, bud chust so val 1 might be
carevul Won nefer knows" argued
the widow.
Truly for this caution the widow
had good cause. Before marriage the
late Herr Stahl, like the present suit
Ors, had been weighed in the balance
and found mot wanting" After mar
riage long, long, practical sermon he
had preached, the text of which had
been ''the waste of precious love"
And now: "LOOfe, loofel Oh, no; oh,
no." sneered the widow. Nit such
tings as dat haaf noting more to do!
Eein, neinv
For her man, Gottlieb or Hans,
whichever won her hand, she would
wash close, make ride goot soup, clean
house and do chust so val as she could.
Bud loOfe-nein, neinl
In grinding matrimonial mill, to be
sure, the widow had been fiattened.
Not so Gottlieb, not so Hans, and she
forgot that, while to them the practi-
cal side Of the contract must have it's
roseate hues, the loofe side still would
be the roster. Such was the case. For
the tender feminine signs which never
came each bashful lover had waited
long, and at last: Zach, chust so val l
vait SOM longer. Won nefer knows;
Won nefer knows" each argued in his
turn.
Now, to her name the Widow StahI
had nothing-no horse. no cow, no pig.
no dot But, worst of all, the marriage
mangle had squeezed from her that
subtle coquetry, the magnet of her sex,
and, try as she might to extract a pro-
pOsal from her cooling swains, they
ACNOAACh OAAy ShCCplSn lOOkS, Manu-
claps and praise for culinary skill.
O'hone, what was the matter?
The widow STEPPED her brains.
"Ach, GOtt, the sOrdid loonsv' II
was dowry they were after To wash
close. to make ride gOot soup. to clean
house, to do chust so val as a woman
can, was not enough for them-ach
nein! AT last she understood.
In the old country the widow had an
oncle. Seventy years of age was the
oncle, and at seventy oncles sometimes
die. To Gottlieb and to Hans of that
Oncle she had often spoken-yah yah
Eight thousand dollars she believed he
had amassed. All, If in lOOfe Pauline
was weak in strategy she was strong
Mine GOtt, she had a scheme!
Iv the widow Of the late Auguste StahI
NIT the undersigned will correspond OF
som'ting greatly to her advantage she
viii hear. In Stuttgart her aged onclc
haaf died.
Four insertions such as that in the
Western Prairie Farmer, and Pauline
could take her choice Hans? Mebbe
Gottlieb? Mebbe. Ach. chust so va
she might be carevul. The less sordiC
she would choose.
"Hey?" unused Gottlieb. two week
later, when his gray green eyes de
voured four closely printed lines il
the personal of the Western Prairi,
Farmer. Hey, Stuttgart? Dat Nigh
be Pauline's oncle NIT the comvOrtabl
Vortune. Pauline, ha! she wash close
she make ride gOot soup. Wy not ge,
mine dinner by her eferey day? l cal
chust so val pay vor two, den. haa
more time to work. Hey, Wy not? Un'
-und to Hans, dat leetle mortgage
could pay. Hey. w not2"
So to the widow FASTENED Gottlieh
Pauline" in cold sweat he rambled
his bony fingers clinching and un
clinching at cracking hayseed hat
I-I-loofe you. I-I-haaf a warm
dree hondred acres, two horse, SON