Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1904-02-03
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-O.
Held give up all my millions to
have YOU" Shelf you did you
wouldn't have me.-Smart Set.
Citizen-How can you be tired when
fou are doing nothing? Tramp
reckon it's cause dere's so much Nv
1t ter do.-Chicago News.
Ascum-Wel, well! l congratulate
you, old man; and how is the baby to
be named? Popley-By my wife's peo-
pie, it seems.-Philadelph Press.
Wife-When we go anywhere now
we have to walk. When we were only
engaged you always called a carriage.
Husband-That's why we have to walk
now.
Blunt hear Blones has stopped
gambling. Front-That's true. bet
lfm 500 this morning that he couldn't
stop, and lie took me up.-Yonkers
Herald.
Georgiana-We are not old. Juliana
oh, yes, we are, my dear. Georgiana
Well, we are just as young as any
girls of our age in Observation-Disclosures
Journal.
Snaso-This souvenir habit is getting
to be something fierce. Rodd-I should
say so. know of a man who visited
n friend and took his friends wife as
a souvenir.
Little Willie-What is the difference
between character and reputation, pa?
Pa-Character is n luxury, my son.
while reputation is necessity.-Chi-
cago Daily News.
Scribblehard-I believe I've written
myself out; don't seem to have an
idea left. Penhandler-Weli, why
don't you write stories for the maya
zines, then?-Life.
The LADY, gave you piece of
pie last week, and you've been sending
your friends here ever since. The
Tramp-You're mistaken, lady; them
was my enemies.-Judge.
She claims to have studied music"
'Well, she has, after fashion" How
is that?" "Why, she has studied the
pronunciation of the names of the great
composers Post.
$50 you were in London, ell? How
did you find the weather there?" 81
didn't have to find it. 1t came and
hunted me up and surrounded me In
chunks. Philadelphia Press.
Wife-Now, don't you think my new
hat is Il perfect dream? Husband
Well, no. To be perfect dream the
bill attached to 1t should also be mere
ly a dream.-Phiadelph Press.
Didn't she have some trouble in
hiding from her husband the present
she was going to give him." Not a
bit She put it in one of the pigeon
holes of his Chicago Tribune.
She-And you don't think there is
chance in the world of our living
through our lives without quarrel.
He-Tbere is always fighting chance,
dear.-Cincinnati Commercial Tribune.
Yes, his painting attracts great
many people, Great artist, eh?'.
mo, just n house painter. He puts
out sign, Fresh Paint and everyone
touches it to see if it's dry."-Chicago
News.
Iaeh--aIiss1 Fay.- will you marry
me Fay wouldn't hFtfiyy- Jod -
you were the last man on earth! Jack
oh, l say, that't rather hard, Il
Fay-Goose! How could L? Who'd
perform the ceremony?
He-We must economize. Suppose,
darling, that you try your hand at
making your own clothes. She-Oh,
George, dear, never could do that.
Suppose l begin by trying to mako
yours ?-The New Yorker
A stout man met sad-faced man
on the corner. Sir" said the stout
man, "can you recommend good bar
Der to me?" Sir" replied the sad
faced man, Il cannot. have my hair
cut at home."-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Mrs. Crocker-You don't like your
soup? Well, must say, YOU are the
hardest man to satisfy there ever was!
Mr. Crocker-People who know you
are my wife have quite n different
opinion, my dear.-Boston Transcript.
Hiller-Was that your son 1 saw
you with yesterday? Dale-The young
chap who was giving me advice how
to succeed in business and to make a
place for ones self In the world? Yes,
that was George.-Boston Transcript.
Didn't l hear your wife refer to
you as the human mince pie?" said the
curious person. Yes" answered Mr..
Sirius Barker. SIS that complaints"
Not exactly. She means that l new
er agree with anybody
| Star.
THAT boy of yours what went to-
college could do some wonderful lift
ing with the clubs and dumbbells."
Yes; but l always thought more of
the other ones lifting powers" Ibid
he lift dumbbells and the like?" mo;
he lifted the mortgage"
Did you see that pale young man
calling out Cash! at the ribbon coun-
ter?' Yes" "Fate is awfully funny
sometimes. Ten years ago, when we
were boys together, his ambition was
to be mighty hunter and catch moun-
tain lions with o."-Tid- Bits.
Angie-Just one question before we
elope, Edwin: Are you fond of pet
dogs? Edwin-Yes, yes. Bring him
along, but be quick! Angle-No; 1t
isn't that, but pa bought n bull dog
last night and he's somewhere around
down there, and l want you to make
friends with him before come down.
/ Chicago News.
The Real Reason.
Archimedes sprang from the bath
tub and started up the street exclaim-
ing, "Eureka!"
He has found a way to weigh the
kings crown at last, suppose" re-
marked the attendant.
weigh the CROWN repeated the