Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1904-05-25
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Teacher-Who was Joan of Arcl
Pupil - Why = err - Nonh's wife,
Princeton Tiger.
Overflow do you know be Ia hon
est? Duell--He declined position in
the Postoffice Department--I.ife.
An odd notice has been seen over
shop In Cairo: 81 speak English and
understand erlcan."-Exchange.
Just Help Himself: He-lf I tried
to kiss you would you call for help!
She-Would YOU need it?-Smart Set
The Fly-The moth seems very
grouchy. The Roach-Yes; he's been
chewing the rag all day.-Princeton
Tiger.
Naturally: $50 you reached the town
Just after the cycone?" yes" How
did things look?" Rather blew
Exchange.
Has your father bad cold:" mo,
indeed. He is merely reading the Rus
sian-Japanese war news aloud
| Washington Star.
Reporter-Senator Bilkins has ALSO
lutely nothing to say. Editor-Well,
boil 1t down. We are terribly crowd.
ed to-night.-Puck.
Mr.. Sipp-Young man, how dare you
swear before my wife? Boy-How
did know your wife wanted to swear
first?-Chicago Daily News.
Barker-This is an age Of high civ.
ilization. Parker-Oh. !. don't know:
nearly everybody is discussing how
much good the Russo-Japanese war
will do us.-Detroit Free Press.
Practical Aunt-Do you think you
are qualified to become the VIE Of a
poor man. Sweet Girl-Oh, yes; it's all
fixed. We are to live In cottage. and
/ know how to make cottage pudding.
"a great actor is usually welded to
his art, is he not?' "Yes," answered
Mr.. Stormington Barns; many OF
them are welded. But there is great
deal of ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
Star.
We'll, Robbie, you've got new lit
tie sister; she just arrived this morn
Ing" said the proud father DO we
get any trading stamps with her, popT
asked little Robbie.-Yonkers States
man.
Tramp-Td like to borry a medical
almanac. mum. Housekeeper-What
for Tramp wants ter see wot til
doctors recommend fer an empty feel
In in tn stummick.-New York
Weekly.
Employer-And now that we are en-
gagged to be married, + suppose shall
have to hire new typewriter. Type
writer-Not at ALL dear. shall Mt.
tend to the hiring of your typewritcrs
after this.-Exchangc.
Toogood- have you that two
pounds lent you the other day ? Hard
pusht-Not all of 1t. old chap, but what
l have left Will do me day or two
longer. Very kind and thoughtful Of
you to inquire. though.
Going the Rounds: Miranda ac-
cepted Mr. Mashleigh last night, and
he is going to get the engagement ring
to-day. Muriel--Oh, he already has It
returned to him this 7ii : '''Fgsi2.se one
he gave NEE "a
i a B eRHiedy: Grinuel-- ss.eep
at your desk, and york so pressins3
Meekly. Excuse me. sir. baby kept me
awake all night. Grinder-Then you
should have brought 1t with you to the
offlce.--Town and Country.
Just Hint: She-Mammq Ii aw.
fully thoughtful. He-Indeed: She
Yes, indeed Why, for instance. she
would never think of coming into the
parlor when have caller without
first coughing.-Niinneapolis Journal.
Tho Doctors Successor.-"what
profession do you follow?" asked at.
torney for plaintiff. 1.-THE medical
profession" the witness answered.
Are you practicing physicianT mo.
sir" ''rhen what do you mean by say
ing you follow the medical profess
sion7' ~ am IN undertaken. SIR
Brooklyn Eagle.
Mister Jedge." called out the col,
ored witness, after he had been on tho
stand full hour kin say one word,
suhT' "Yes." replied the Judge; what
ts it," Hits des dis. sub; eff you'll
des make de lawyers set down en- keep
still two minutes. ell gimme Twin
chance, I'll whlrl in en- tell de truth
Atlanta Constitution.
Played on the Piano.-Mother (rs.
turning from shopping tour)--For
goodness sake! What's the matter
with little Willie? New Nurse TITS
a bad boomp he got, ma'am. Ye
know, We told me OF was to let him
play on the pianny, an onct wh,n he
was slidin' OH the top Of 1t, he slid too
far, Mu'am.-Philadelphi Press.
Your children are so we'll behaved"
said Mrs. Bindad to Mrs. Noah, after
the Noah family had established itself
on the slopes Of Ararat. How do you
compel them to act SO nicely?" WELL"
smiled Mrs. Noah, ''ever since we
made that trip in the ark, all their
papa had to do Is to threaten to take
them to the next circus that comes
along IL they are not good."-Llfe
Dangerous examples: Mrs. Long
(who recommended servant)-Yes,
she was an excellent girl in every
way, except she would initiate me III
dress. and things like that. Miss
Short-Ah. yes. noticed she began
doing it when she came to me; but
shea given it up now. Mrs. Long
I'm glad to hear 1t. l expect she saw
Punch.