The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1904-05-11

| 1t.
Il became interested in her." said Mrs.
Smith, "and a few days ago | told my
husband l wanted to help Mrs Bass and
he agreed Saturday l went to her home
- proffer assistance At the front de5f
l attempted to attract attention. but
failed. Thinking Mrs. Bass was about
| her household duties IN the kitchen, l
went to the rear door
sop Fell on Mrs. Smith.
While IL was standing there a sluiee
of 16ul-smelling slop came from above
and covered me. l hurried away and
told my husband of the ungrateful re-
ception | had received. l dio not intend
to cause Mrs Bass any trouble, but my
| husband was furious and said she should
be punished and urged me TO swear out
the warrant, which l reluctantly did.
when | was piloted around the house
! by little urchin l saw mischievous
twinkle In his eye, ana | know now that
he knew he was leading me into trouble.
l had not heard of Mrs Bass ill-will
| toward visitors, or l should have known
| what the urchin was smiling about he
! timidly showed me around the house and
stood at a safe distance until the climax
came"
Fool Book Done II.
"sinee that book Judge testified
Mrs Wiggs." who had neither. lawyer
| nor witnesses. Il haven't had a minutes
| peace. I'm worn out, my children are
worn out and l reckon we'll all be
! crazy That fool books done 1t. It's
brought people from all over the United
| States. and across the ocean, too, to
my house. They come in droves, and
act like fool idiots. / can't live down.
stairs in my own house no more. They
won't give me time.
"They come to the door-three or four
of them mebbe-they knock, and 1
open the door. What do you want? |
| ask | used to ask 1t polite and civil
like. but now l don't waste no words.
They don't say word for minute, and
| we stand looking at each other like a
passed. of gumps. Finally one of them
says, weak like. We'll, we've read the
book That's all. Then l slams the
door and they go away.
| "Slamming the door don't do no good
Judge, to some of them. You take some
of those folks from the north. why If
L don't answer the door they walk right
in and begin to talk. Why, some of 'em
fairly tear me to pieces.
Fence Picks As Souvenirs.
THAT amt ALL Judge l amt got
| rosebush, flower or a fence picket left.
| They've gone for memorials. they call
! email ON account OF that book-why.
the way some of these folks act is scan
dalous. They come out here troopin' all
over the place. ! got my shutters clos
ed, but I'm a-watching. Then they be-
gin to pick up things. If they're In the
house they try to slip spoon or a knife
or fork in their pocket. They even try
| to get away with a chair and the fool
| things they ask about Lovey Mary or
some fool girl is enough to try the tenn
per of brickbat.
First they pulled out my rose bush.
| branch at time; then they took the
| other shrubs; then they took the oyster
| shells that was around the rose BUSH
and when they'd got the yard cleaned
! up they started In on my picket fence.
/ Fat Woman From Somewhere.
Judge, there was a fat woman from
| somewhere's the other day who actually
| tried to lift the gate off the hinges, and
that's the truth. l can't get no enjoy
ment out of life any more. I've got to
keep shut up all the time. l am afraid
to see even my own friends"
How Is that?" asked the Judge.
.Why, | can't go downstairs no more
for fear of running into these hoboes, |
and one day Mrs. Young. the wife of
Colonel Young, called and knocked at |
the door. She had one or two little ones |
with her, and / thought it was another
one of those things. and l ashed the
| door to in her face, and may God for
| give me-"
! why don't you treat those visitors
politely wouldn't that be better?" ask
ed Mrs. Smiths lawyer
Would Talk Her to Death.
mo, II wouldn't" snapped the de-
PENDANT. IF l let EN- in the house they
would talk me to death asking me
about fool things tina. never happened
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