davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1904-03-13
Ne Extra

It was In the lead of night, and q cold
night at hat Mr.. Smith was away and
Peterson Smith. aged 6. was getting over
the measles,
Mother, may I rave a drink OF real
cold water?" he asked, waking Mrs. Smith
from a refreshing slumbe
Turn right over and go to sleepI" COM
handed Mrs. Smith. You are a naughty
boy to wake mother up when she put a
pitcher of water on your table the very
last thing before you went to bed"
Ten minutes later the small voice popped
up again: Mother, I wan a drink of
water"
Peterson" said Mrs. Smith. sternly. '1f
you say that again I shall get up and
spank you?
There was i've minutes silence, and
again Peterson spoke:
Mother he said, cheerfully, when
you get up to spank me, may I a a
drink of water ?"-Youth's Companion.
a Luxury.
Old Gentleman: $50 you'd like to become
my son-in-law."
Mr.. Harduppe: Yes. sir; If you can af-
ford tt"
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1904-03-13
II. Hurtfur seden.a-y Habit.

ST think" said the meditative boy. that
a wasp would be all right if it didn't get
tired"
"Eh?" replied his father. Where did
you get that idea?"
why. one day l got a wasp on my hand
and while he was walking around hi was
all right. He didn't hurt till he stopped to
sit down."-Philadeiphia PresA
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1904-03-13
An Insight Into Society.

The laundress's little daughter had been
allowed to peep Into the dining-room,
where the table was set for a dinner
party.
"And, mamma" she said later. "every
plate had two forks by It. What was that
for?'
You don't know the ways OF your bet
tiers. child" replied the laundress. THE
extra fork is in case they drop one on the
foor."-Detroit Free Press.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1904-03-13

"I was up in the mill district to-day.
Frightful noisy up there"
That's right. rye got Q friend who
lives up there. When he's In his house
he can't hear himself talk"
MY! Boiler shop next DOOR,
mo. He's deaf and dumb."-Philadel-
phia Ledger.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1904-03-13

''Sir," said the man whose knees shook
when the train entered a tunnel. do you
know the most dangerous thing on a rail-
road trai1T
yes" responded the gay drummer, at
is the cigars the train boy sells."-Chicago
News.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1904-03-13
Sad Statement.

"A great actor II
usually welded to his
art. IL he notT''
"rY Q g." answered
Mr.. q ton
B a .. MANY of
them are q Q d.
But 8 is q great
deal Of Incompatible
ty."
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1904-03-13

Doctor Feeling Sandy's pulse IN bed:
what do you drink?"
Sandy with Frightening face): "Oh, Tx
a particular. doctor! Anything you've
got with ~ye."-Stray Stories.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1904-03-13
En1oxea the Evening".

ibid you enjoy the evening Of grand
opera?"
Did II" answered Mr.. Cumrox enthu-
siastically. ut was great. I sent mother
and the girls there. dismissed all the ser
wants and then went down and smoked q
cigar right In h parlor."-Washington
Star.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1904-03-13
His Invitation.

Dear grandma" wrote Jimmy, I'VE are
all well except Sister Sue. She has had
the scarlet fever awful bad. but she has
got better now, and we wan you to come
n see us just as soon as We get the
house perfumigated."
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1904-03-13
Pressed for Ttmo.

Judge Knott: why did you rob this
man in broad daylight?'
Prisoner: 81 couldn't help II, your
Honor. I had an engagement every night
that week."
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1904-03-13
Preferred . Bonfire.

Mamma: Rodney. dear. tomorrow is
your birthday. What would you like
best?'
Rodney (after q brief season Of cogita-
tion): II think I'd like to see the school
burn down."
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1904-03-13
Useful Small hoy.

Mr.. Hopkins: Hunt up Japan on the
map, Louisa"
Mrs. Hopkins: mo; wait til, Jimmy gets
home; that's what we pay his school bills
for."-Indianapolis Journal.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1904-03-13

Tommy: Paw,
teacher wants u to
tell what 10 the DIFF
ference betw Q n
speak and talk"
Mr.. Tgs: "Um-
femme see. General
ly when I get into an
argument with your
t she is out
spoken and I an out
talked"
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1904-03-13
Thn Trnth nf If.

$50 Jassby has absconded. Another
good man gone wrong"
Nonsense. It's merely q bad man who
has been found u ."-Phiiadelphia
Ledger.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1904-03-13

It Is grossly suggestive to brag shout
your dogs intelligence while eating saus-
ages.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1904-03-13
Her GoIdea We'd
ding.

Mrs. Wabash: Mrs.
Lakeside Is going 10
celebrate her golden
wedding next week"
3. Manhattan:
You don't say so!'
Mrs. Wabash: Yes;
she will then have
been married fifty
times"
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1904-03-13
Present q

General Icevftch
and General Starv-
emoff are doing more
damage to the Rus
SLAMS than all OF the
Japanese forced
washington Post
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1904-03-13
The Difficult Part,

7 always feel sorry for you railroad
ers," said the sympathetic lady.
That Is kind Of you," answered the
conductor.
We'll. IL seems to me that II must be
pretty hard to have to get UP at . or .
o'clock in the morning and take q 4
train"
"Yes'm. But that isn't our hardest
work"
MOI
Nom. Sometimes It simply seems I'M
possible to wsken the sleeping cars, and
then we fave the station behind time and
get called down by the suDerintendent"-
Chicago Tribune.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1904-03-13
Some Rapid Thinking.

She raised her head from his shoulder
for a moment.
do you believe that exercise and lotions
and toilet preparations will improve q
woman's looks?' she asked.
He pressed her blond curls back upon
his chest.
They couldn't improve the looks Of
some women" he said.
"Whose?" she asked
We'll, yours and Violet Sleweye's for in
stance" he replied, thoughtlessiy.
Il don't understand you" she said, rails
Ing her head for the second time and
chilling him with a look. I'VE are not at
all alike"
Il mean.' he replied. returning her head
for the second time and thinking quickly,
that your looks couldn't be improved be-
cause they are perfect as they are, and
that hers couldn't be improved because
no amount OF work could make her pret-
ty."
And the freight fickered knowingly as
she sighed a great sigh of contentment
and belief. while he drew q deep breath
Cincinnati Times-Star.
No Use.
Have you a time table herer' asked
the seedy stranger.
Our TERMS replied the restaurant
keeper, ARE cash in advance"
Fooled again!" Kissed the seedy stran-
ger. between his useless teeth.
Stunned.
Muggins: WHY is Newlywed 50 unpcr-
ular? He seems to have lost all his
friends"
Buggins: well. you see, his baby Is
just at that age when It does funny things
for its father to tell about"
How II Sacrificed Herself.
Lady Passenger: 81 think # Is an put
rage for you to ask me to pay fare for
this little boy. I would sooner pay dou-
BILE fare for myself"
Conductor: Just as you wish. madam"
why Notf
Nell: Charlie softleigh is a perfect slave
to that Smith girl. He is tied to her apron
strings"
Belle: well. why shouldn't a girl have
several strings TO her beat? "-Pittsbure
Press.
After the Corner.
Gunner: What ever became of that
young stock Spectator who used to get so
many tips?'
Guyer: "oh. he's getting more tips than
ever"
Gunner: You don't say"
Guyer: Yes, he's a waiter In a hoteI |
now."-Chicaso News.
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1904-03-13

Muggins: Why is Newlywed 50 unpcp-
ular? He seems to a lost all his
friends"
Buggins: well. you see, his baby is
just at that age when It does funny things
for its father to tell about"
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1904-03-13

What you require Is change and rest
And the doctor. nothing 10th.
Said he would tell me where to 70
To surely find them both.
'T will not ask that much!' quoth I,
And hearty thanks expressed;
':Just tell me where to get the change;
I'll easy find the restr'
-Brownings Masazine,
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1904-03-13
His Busfest Hour.

The Bore: "Oh, ex-
cuse me: I did not
know you were SO
busy. or I wouldn't
have dropped in.
When is your busiest
timer"
The Editor: when
anybody calls"
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1904-03-13
often the Way.

Mold: III o W Is
your fiat heated?"
Todd: with cold
sir."-Town Topics
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1904-03-13
A Resemblance.

wv h a d o o u
think Of my historic
novel?"
1T resembles some
OF the most success
full W o Its
kind answered Miss
Cayenne.
"'In what ~respect?"
TN being neither
novel nor historic"
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1904-03-13

Nell: Charlie softleigh IL a perfect slave
TO that Smith girl. He is tied to her apron
strings
Belle: well. why shouldn't a girl have
several strings TO her beau?"-Pittsburg
Press
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1904-03-13

Lady Passenger: 81 think It Is an out
rage for you to ask me to pay fare for
this little boy. I would sooner pay dou-
BILE fare for myself"
C0pd,cfar. ssT,,u+ 60 ,,or -s~h -,Sn- ",
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1904-03-13

Depended Upon His Size.
Teacher: Johnny. what would you do II
another boy called you a story-teiler?"
Johnny (aged 81: TO my face?"
Teacher: Yes"
Johnny: About how big a boyg'
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1904-03-13

Gunner: What ever became of that
young stock Spectator who used to get SO
many tips?"
Guyer: "oh. he's getting more tips than
ever"
The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1904-03-13
No Use.

Have you a time table hereY' asked
the seedy stranger.
Our TERMS replied the restaurant
keeper. ARE cash in advance"
Fooled again." Kissed the seedy strsn-
ger. between his useless teeth.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1904-12-21
Mrs. Jobson's Tact
A CHRISTMAS STORY

While making her Christmas shop
ping rounds the other day, Mrs. Jobson
espied, in furrier's window, a squirrel
coat which she instantly concluded was
just about right
THAT" said Mrs. Jobson to herself,
amiably, but determinedly squaring her
chin, will be my Christmas present from
Mr.. Jobson.''
WhereupCn she entered the furrier's
establishment and tried on the squirrel
coat. 1t fitted her perfectly
You may consider the coat sold" said
Mrs. Jobson to the furrier. But place
it back in the window. l shall want my
husband to see it there By the way,
wish you would Grape it on a window
model with dark hair. instead of on that
blond model-my hair is dark, you
know" and the furrier perfectly entered
into the meaning Of her smile and smiled
back. 81 shall pay you $40 on the coat
now. to bind the bargain. When my hus-
band pays you the full price of the coat
which he will, within few days-Why,
l shall have you return the $40 to me-"
"Oh, I understand. thoroughly,
Hauoih, "oiu inc 1uil1Ci, Will dHOlEeT
shrewd smile.
That evening. at the dinner table, Mrs
Jobson, by imperceptible stages. led the
talk around to the subject of Christmas.
and Mr.. Jobson looked surprised, and
then thoughtful, when she had impressed
upon him the nearCess of the great fes-
tival
Had 70 idea that Christina was right
on top of NE again" said Mr.. Jobsor.
cts queer the way these Christmases
seem to come around in punches. all
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1904-12-21

his machine or miles at a velocity
that would have landed him in jail
in any city in the land
The captain liked swiftness. That
was why he bought the automobile.
He ran il to the limit of it's speed
whenever he rode. So in love with it
was he that beyond the dreary monot-
onous daily routine, he gave little at
tention to the dOings of the fort. He
had forgotten the annual club dance
and was for days unaware of the com
ing Christmas Eve celebration. He
was coursing up toward Wild Horse
canyon when the arrangements were
made.
On that very afternoon as he round
ed the foot of the canyon he came
plump toward lady riding almost as
swiftly as he, but mounted on a hand
some brown Kentucky saddler. Her
horse veered far to the right, but she
sat him like princess and showed no
sign of fear.
Beg your pardon" exclaimed the
captain, hating his machine and lift
ing his fatigue cap. She came nearer
$500 NAASAA AO hACW uCl
had brought her to the dance-she was
a daughter of a wealthy rancher.
Miss Landers smiled and came as
near as her restless horse would con-
sent to approach. Hero never saw
an auto before she explained: then
rode on with another irradiating
smile.
The following week the red automo-
bile was at Miss Landers' door ard
she went riding over the level plains
with the captain. He was radiant in
his happiness and was certain that he
had, with his advantage of equipment
and rank, outwitted his rival. But
the happiness was short-lived: for
riding up by the haunted house on the
crest of the divide few days later.
he saw two figures on horseback. one
OF whom was plainly Burton and the
other evidently Miss Landers. After
that the contest became unfriendly
and it was war to the knife between
the rivals
So went the varying favors until the
approach of the holidays. The fort. as
break in the dulIness of winter. Dro-
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1904-12-21

posed to have a grand Christmas cele-
bration in the great mess hall, to
which would be invited all the mem
bers Of the troops at the station. The
captain and the lieutenant were, of
course, foremost in the arrangements,
and to them was left the duty of is
suing invitations for those outside the
post. Ranchmen and their families,
merchants from the neighboring town,
well-to-do farmers and indeed every
available resident who might contrib
ute to the pleasure Of the occasion
were hidden
To Miss Landers came two invita-
tons, one addressed in the Grabbed
back-hand chirography of the captain
and the other in the flowing, artistic
style of the lieutenant. Which should
she accept? She determined to wait
on events and see where fate led. Fate
seemed very undecided at that point
of the affair.
No word passed between the captain
and the lieutenant regarding the in
vitation to Miss Landers, nor was there
any discussion regarding the manner
by which she was to get to the cele-
bratiOn. However, it was the inten-
ton of each to be her personal escort
But the lieutenant reckoned without a
knowledge Of the intensity of the cap
tain's nature; for when he asked for
leave to go outside the post, the re-
quest came back with the curt indorse-
ment, Refused" That meant that he
must stay at the fort or be subject to
period in the guard house
The captain chuckled and patiently
rubbed the brass fittings of his big red
automobile. He looked forward with
much pleasure to the coming ten-mile
trip across the smooth prairie roads in
the crisp winter evening and he smiled
as he thought of the discounted lieu
tenant, compelled to remain at the fort
At dusk the devil wagon" eareened
out Of the high-walled parade ground
and swept down the slope to the bot
tom lands that led away up the Smoky
Hill to the Circle Bar ranch, where
Miss Landers was waiting for her es-
cort-wondering all the time which of
the twain would first appear The
captain, we'll bundled against the pierre
ing cold, did not look to the south or
he would have seen rider on horse
back making almost as good time as
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1904-12-21

led the cotillon and received with
grace the favors heaped upon her-but
all the time she was thinking of the
lieutenant spending his Christmas eve
under guard.
Then came the supper and after that
the Christmas tree. The officers were
made happy with remembrances from
the men; the men smiled at the little
tokens from the officers-for out on
this frontier post had grown up a
cameraderie between those stationed
there that knew no rank or station
When the tree was emptied there en-
sued a hush as Miss Landers came
down the center of the mess hall. her
stately form held proudly erect and
her eyes shining with new light.
Before the captain she curtsied with
old-fashioned ceremony. The whole
company waited to hear her words.
"It used to be the CUSTOM" she be-
gan, 'for the king to grant on Christ
mas eve a favor to his subjects-I
have one to ask"
laughed the captain. He was feeling
very good-natured just now.
1.-The release of Lieut. Burton-and
his presence here" came the quick re-
ply.
There was nothing for it but ODE
dience, and the captain gave the signal
In a moment there came an orderly
with young man in cowboy suit
Lieut.. Burton-and the crowd cheered
as he bowed low to them ALL
"But-but-" began the captain,
wonderingly. "are you-are you"
YES" interrupted Miss I.anders,
you brought him here yourself, and we
thank you so much 1t was very kind"
Lieut.. Burton bowed low again and
then took Miss Landers' hand 81, too.
thank YOU" he added; then in a low
tone, the words being audible only to
the captain: Don't fuss so long On
the way with your auto next time-a
horse is swifter. And, say" in almost
whisper, come to our wedding, will
you-it's the last of January"
The orchestra began a waltz: the
lieutenant went whirling away on the
floor amid the maze of white dresses
and uniforms; the huge clock in the
fort tower struck 12-it was Christmas
morning!
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1904-12-21

clustered together, of late years Any
thing you've seen that you particularly
coYet?"
ooh, l have positively everything that
l need" replied Mrs. Jobson, in quite an
off-hand way. Il really don't care for
any more jewelry, acd-er-the goose
bone weather prophets all unite in say
ing that the winter is not going to be
severe one, so that-um-with a little
fixing over, why, l think l can get
through with my fur coat quite handily.
It's only little rubbed at the sides and
back, but" and then, shrewdly watch
ing Mr.. Jobson, Mrs. Jobson made the
rest of the sentence inaudible and de-
voted herself to stirring the sugar in her
coffee
Rubbed, hey?" said Mr.. Jobson.
scratching his chin. well. it's about
time that coat began to rub some, isn't
it? Let's see, you've had that piece of
fur since" and he leaned back In his
chair and began to calculate
What they wearing in fur coats now.
anyhow" said Mr.. Jobson, after his CAL
culating silence.
"Oh. everything" replied Mrs. Jobsor.
Mink, marten. Persian lamb, seal. of
course. squirreI-it's a very diversified
year for furs-everything seems to be
fashionable"
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1904-12-21

hills nor culverts Then, just as the
Circle Bar was in sight, its twinkling
lights telling of the presence of a wait
ing passenger, there came a sudden
"hisS!" and the captain was awakened
from his dream by a quick turn into
the grass alongside the highway and
short, unoompromising stop. Moth
ing for it but the unbundling of tools,
the careful inspection CT piston and
igniter, the rafting of chains and the
hammering of bolts
The solitary horseman off in the dis
lance kept on his way and cared not,
If he knew, that the captain was swear
ing at fate and his machine out there
on the wind-swept hills.
But even breaks may be repaired,
and finally, with a grim sentiment of
revenge, the captain pulled the lever
out to the limit and raced on his way
toward the Circle Bar.
1t was dark now and the lights in the
front of the automobile were dimmed
by the dust of the road; hence the
captain did not see until he was at
the very gate that a lady on horseback
was approaching him. When he did
see, it was too late. Her horse gave
a great swerve and, though avoiding
the frightsome machine, struck its side
against the barbed wire fence She
was assisted to the ground by her cow
boy companion-presum groom
and the captain led her to the auto
mobile.
so sorry, Miss Landers-didn't see
you-yes, Hero shall be cared for
here, sir, take the horse to the barn
and order him looked after
81 think he had better come with
us" suggested Miss Landers. Il prom
ised him, you know"
Well" Then to the cowboy: Come
back here and get ins-Pll take you to
the fort" The man bowed silently
and went to the stables.
A few minutes later the automobile
was on it's return journey, skimming
the frozen ground and carrying it's trio
of passengers toward the scene of the
evenings gayety. Before it came into
the circle of light that marked the
driveway the cowboy accompanying
slipped from his seat beside the latter
and hurried away in the darkness-but
what did the captain care? He handed
Miss Landers into the hall joyfully and
forgot that the other had ever lived.
But he did not forget the lieutenant.
Inquiry soon told him that the young
er officer had left the fort soon after
dinner and had not yet returned Then
in a moment came an orderly to say
that Mr.. Burton was in his room.
''He may go under guard until to-
morrow" ordered the captain savage
ly. Then will take up his case Let
us start the cotillon,' with low bow
to Miss Landers. She had heard his
orders and turned very white face to
her partner as she took his arm She
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1904-12-21

he, but keeping in the lee of the bluffs
and so out of sight of the casual tray
eler on the main road. This rider was
dressed in cowboy garments, his wide
brimmed hat was tapping in the wind
and his fringed coat caught the steam
OF his horses breath, which CONCEALED
into sEow-like foam. He took the
short cut up Wild Horse canyon.
around the head of Oak ranch and
saved mile where a timber claim
caused wide turn in the roadway.
But the sturdy automobile fairly ate
up the road, swinging down the slopes
like mad and hating neither for the
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1904-12-21
.AChristrnas F avor
BY Charles NJ. Harger.

w YHEN the captain brought to
M the fort a vicious looking red
automobile, there was much
interest among the members Of his
command.
Wonder if he expects to use it in
,drill?" suggested Adjt. Quilting.
1--WE might hitch a gun on behind
and save one team" added the quar-
termaster He can sure make time
over the prairie reads"
The captain did make time. During
the long autumn, when the plain was
dry and the roads smooth, he sped on
The daily palladium. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1904-1905, 1904-03-10


whc
hand
be
a ortratp anter
n
Just
the which window Remember this
DOLLARS WORTH
for and awhile
the
&c h. pounds hand Picked ALL
a mari
i'm
all
of
sissaid
day store when neghbor meets another He