Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1904-05-20
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| He-I see you've finished the last
chapter. she-Long ago. I'm almost
In the middle Of the book-Puck.
A little fellow said of all the things
| he saw at the circus he liked the little
condensed horses best Shetland DO
ntes.)
Meeker-My wife and I always set.
tie our differences by arbitration.
Bradley-Who is the arbitrator? Meek
ler-My wife, Of course-Excfiange
Employer-fou are too slow about
your work. Office Boy (cheerfully)-
Oh, well, what don't do to-day I kin
do to-morrer.-Indianapolis Journal.
"She did not wish to be an old maid
and still she detested the society Of
men," "How did she manager" "She
married a clubman." Post.
"An' how's yer husband the day p
asked Mrs. Rafferty, of Mrs. Muldoon.,
'Sure. an he's no BETTER" replied Mrs.
Muldoon. THE doctors afraid morali-
ty will set in.'
Mistress-So you want me to read
this love letter to you? Maid-If you
PLACE, mum. And I've bornght ye some
cotton wool ye can stuff in yer ears
while ye read it!
Sharpe-Yes, Parker invented the
safest airship ever heard Of Wheal-
ton-But it refused to fly. You couldn't
60 up on it. Sharpe-That's why I
say 1t was the safest.
Here we have only been married
two days, Clarence, and you're scold-
ing me already" 81 know, my dear,
but just think how long I have been
waiting for the chance"
81 see you are wearing my old en-
gagement ring" Eyes; isn't it perfect
ly lovely to be engaged to Jack 2" Eyes,
indeed! He's SO deliciously serious
about it, isn't he?-Detroit Free
Press.
strange that we have no national flow
er. We certainly should have one.
Miss Waite (significantly)-Yes;
think the orange blossom would be
~
"Does your wife do much fancy
workT' Fancy work? She won't
even let porous plaster come into the
house without crocheting a red border
round It and running yellow ribbon
through the holes"
Ascum-Some people are saying
that you made most Of your money in
pol}fioo TAodor-Rnf othorS ro Gov
ing made most Of my money out of
politics. So who are ye going to be-
lieveAPhiladelphi Press.
DO you believe" she asked, 'that
a genius can possibly be a good hus-
bandT' "Well," he modestly replied,
II would prefer not to answer that
question. But my wife ought to be
able to tell you."- ."-Exchange.
Patience-Woman is woman's best
friend, after all. Patrice-I guess
you're right. Patience-Certainly I'm
right Even when she is getting mar
ried, doesn't man give her away, and
her maid Of honor stand up for her?
"Mr Dabble," said a lawyer to a
witness in the box, cat the time these
papers were executed you were specu-
lating, were you not?' Eyes, SIR"
"You were in OIL" 81 was" "And
what are yeu in now? % bankruptcy"
was the solemn reply.
"Fall styles for school children"
read Mrs. Hooper. s'That seems like
a great extravaganza Just look at the
illustrations" That's all right" COM
mented Mr.. Hooper; "our children have
all sorts of fall styles, and most of
them are illustrated with bumps"
'How is it, dear +Chum, are you re-
lated to that celebrated Professor Kirk
in Halle?" "Yes, but very distantly"
"How distant?" "He is my brotherv'
"How can you call that distantly re-
latedT" "Well, you see, there are ten
brothers and sisters between him and
myself"
II suppose that Dewey will be ex-
pected to make little speech to admir-
ing friends at every place that the
Olympia calls" remarked the observ-
ant boarder. THAT" added the cross
eyed boarder, Twill make great many
deck Grafton days this year."-P1tts-
burg Chronicle-Telegraph.
"Is this new combination what you
would call trustw asked the young
woman who asks questions simply for
fear the conversation will lag. well"
answered Mr.. Cumrox, "it depends al
together on which side Of the deal your
interests lie. If you are one Of the Or
ganizers it's trust, but if you're one
Of the consuming public it's well-de-
veloped suspicion" Star.
"A Springfield school teacher received
the following note from the mother of
one of her pupils on Monday: Dear
Miss, You writ me about whipping
Sammy. I hereby give you permis-
sion to beet him up eny time 1t is nee
esssry fo learn him lesens He is iuste