Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-09-14
TRIBULATI0NS OF A GREAT
GRANDFATHER.
II
EIkins. w Va San+ . '61


Elkins, w. Va, Sept. 2, "a.
Dear Sonny-Had to have breakfast III
bed this mornin' all on account of job
little Stevey Elkins put up on me- His
grandchildren gave what they called a
Rough Rider German to the Republi-
cans of Randolph County and got me to
lead 1t IN the suit | wore when cold
Hickory licked the British at New Or
leans in 1915.
You ought to have seen the What-yOu-
call them favors-saddles, brides, boots,
spurs, rld1n' gauntlets, guns and pistols
enough to arm a cavalry regiment on
tralnln day. Then they fitted me up
with all the fxin's of a Colonel Of the
Rough Riders, mounted me on a fiery I'M
tanned hobby horse named Bucephalus
and sent me prancin' up and down the
line OF shoutin' kids with fddles playin'
"Garry-own" and Steve Elkins yellin'
like Comanche Indian.
For about five minutes l was It. Grim
yisaged Dick caperin' in my lady's cham
Der n all the po1np and circumstance of
glorious war wasn't in it with melville
my breath held out. Suddenly, ouch! my
legs went back on me- the room turned
turtle, as they say in the navy, and the
next thing your Uncle Henry knew he
was in bed with hot bottles al around
him and the doctor. feedin' him whisky
with a spoon.
They say a man has more than 200
bones in his body, and l know it, for
I've an ache in every one of them.
But the bodily pains amt the worst
that came of my leadin' that Rough
Rider German. Between the over-exer-
ton and the whisky had the dodgasted-
est nights sleep you ever knew. [ dream
ed dream worse than ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS,
1t seemed like | was visitin you at Rose
mount. We had spent the eve'ing tryin'
rnsuccessfuly to find some issue that
hadn't been firmly and irrevoca bly, set
tied right by the Republicans, and you
proposed that we should go out an cool
our fevered broWs on the pier in the
moonlight
l was just beginnin' to quote poetry
from n. P. Willis about the soft light
that breaks across the lakes, when you
whispered, 'tSht Look! By Dave Hill,
if there amt a gold fish, l looked. but
couldn't see anything but fresh water
sucker giving forth a putrescent glow as
he floated by
Before [ could Interfere you slsoated,
Eli catch himr' and plunged hesrGlong
into the murky tide.
That was the last I saw Of YOU For
hours [ stood rooted to- that spot, perrin
into the watery depths You never came
up Only bubbles, and still more bubbles
just like your speech of acceptance.
At last l pulled myself together and
yelled for help. Dave Hill was the first
to appear upon tie scene I see him now
wearin' red night cap on his head and
fho< +i,,; ~,
hollow of his hand.
Boys" said Ibave, as soon as he TOOK
in the situation and summoned the Ex-
ecutive Committees. boys. this is a seri-
Gus occasion. We've got To get new
figure Tread for tire ticlet.''
"What's that?' says l.. whats the.
matter with your Uncle Henry? What
becomes of the duties and powers de-
volvin' cn me under, the Constitution In
case of the removal death resignation.
or inability of the Presidents"
You should have seen the look of pity
that came into that good mans eyes
Mind You, it was all a dreitm I will
never again believe that lie never knew
the toucfE of love, nor maiden's hand in
his'n. ''Nunky," says he, '-Nunky, go.
home and go to bed! The Constitution
refers to Vice President-elect You are
not elected yet, and it's a long shot that
you WON'T be. If there haT been any
chance of that I'd have headed the ticket
myself"
Before could demonstrate he waived
me aside. saying, '1Go home, Nnnky, and
tend to your business signing checks
That made me 50 mad I woke up.
That's What one gafss for leadfn' germans
at eighty-one.
Your affectionate uncle;
HENRY GASSAWAY.