Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1904-03-01
HEAR PLENTY TROUBLE
The Long String Reserved
for the Drug Clerk.
SOME FUN IN IT, TOO
TRYING TO PLEASE EVERYBODY
WHO COMES ALONG.
Is a Walking Local Directory as Well
as Curer of
Ills.

| TELL your troubles to policeman has
| long been an expression when man was
| bored by hearing the woes of another" said
| a well-known drug clerk the other day, ''but
If you would hear the woes of mankind,
just step behind the prescription counter
and listen to the tales / have to endure.
during my trick Of duty. The policeman
has his troubles and the street car con-
ductor runs him close second Neither
however, are a marked to the drug clerk
| Got anything good for cold?''
| The speaker was man who appeared to
| possess average intelligence. Did he have
anything for coldr What is a drug store
! for? Well. the drug clerk proceeded to re-
| cite a number of things that were good for
a bad cold, and finally the man with the
cold decided that he would step over to the
| fountain and take hot lemonade. And the
drug clerk had not suggested that at ALL
| After the man with the cold had imbibed
| his hot lemonade he returned to his first
| love-the drug clerk-and proceeded to pour
out some more misery.
Went to a dance the other night you
know" he began. I'm very smart young
| man, and after 1 had danced every number
| of the menu 1 proceeded to stroll into the
| cool and refreshing night air. Look at me
| now! Amt 1 dream of delight? Oh, 1
| do such bright things l suppose that If
| the ocean had been working around this
| town last winter l would have taken nice
| cool sea bath. Wisdom, surely am thou!
| The drug clerk had to listen and like 1t.
Mister, I want a nickels with O. casta
oil an a nickePs with o. Wepson salts for
my mamma" chirped a youngster as he
| handed bottle over the counter and
knocked a dozen bottles of perfume over
| He was to invest dime and wreck a dol
lars worth of stock. Figure the druggists
profit. The kid got the castor Oil and
salts, stole a sponge, carried away four
almanacs and card advertising liver
remedy.
.Doctah. kin yo' tell me whut's good TO
a pleurisy pain in de side? All done had .
mos mis- able time all night long.
An old NANNY had ambled into the store,
and her expression was as painful as some
Of Sam Jones' jokes She held her hand
on the offending side and groaned as the
drug clerk proceeded to mix some brown
sugar and water and give 1t 10 her.
How much is it?"
oh, nothing That will be all right"
THANK yo sah.
Asked why he did not charge for the pre-
Iscription, the drug clerk sighed and said;
She didn't have any money. She would
have stood me off. / know her. What's
the use of darkening the books with bad
accounts? ii
The clerk looked across the store to an.
other door and saw an old man walk in.
Wanted Something New.
Great heavens. This early in the morn
ing!" The drug CLERK groaned.
who is your friend?''
''Who Ia her" responded the druggist
Hes a patent medicine fiend. He buys
every patent medicine in the world that
has the words Cures Dyspepsia on the
wrapper. l guess he's dyspeptic. He al
ways reads the papers and the advertising
circulars that are thrown in his yard. and
if they even hint at cure of indigestion he
will hike out after a bottle of 1t. He also
tries every free sample of everything. and
If there is patent medicine in the world
that hasn't been up against this fellow,
then 1 miss my guess. Now listen.'
Good morning. groaned the apparition,
as it approached the clerk
Good morning, MIR. -. How do you
feel today?
That was all the patent medicine fend
needed to open up his fount of woe.
oh, tougher than the dickens, Charlie"
he began. Have you got anything in the
store that will stop an awful aching in my
neck? And I've felt SO numb all day today
that don't believe l can last much longer.
I had an awful backache yesterday, but
that's better today. Don't much more than
get rid of one thing till another comes. My
teeth has been tryin to worry me some
lately, too"
The drug clerk handed him a small phial
Of toothache drops and he ambled out.
A Forged Prescription.
That's only one of a million that hear
every day." said the clerk. A moment later
he got into an argument with a woman who
was possessed of small slip of paper that
she handed him.
NO. you can't work that off on me. A
doctor never saw that prescription / can't
do anything for you. You'll have to go
somewhere else the clerk said to her.
She muttered something and walked out.
THE same old gag" remarked the dis
penser of drugs. She had a fake prescrip-
ton for morphine and she had come in to
have the order hal favOTita drug fillad
for friend. She had forged prescrip-
ton and had tried to work it off, on the
clerk. But he had been there before.
But the drug clerk does not hear all woe.
He has to be polite to the woman perfume
fiend. There are women in local society
who delight in visiting drug stores for the
purpose of samplng every make of per-
fine In the house. They sometimes buy a
small bottle or two, but 1t Is seldom They
will sniff at the bottles, try little on
their handherchiefs and ask the price.
Then they go to the next drug store
Must Know Everything.
The drug clerk has to also be a city
directory. If he doesn't know where
Thomas Smiths Office is, he is ignorant.
If he cannot say whether Mrs. Edgar Will
Hams has moved within the last month, he
is devoid of all sense. He must know.
He has to be able to tell whether a
grocer out in the west end has a telephone
or not, and If he hasn't, why hasn't he?
He has to walk quietly behind the foun-
tain counter and hand out little vichy
water and ammonia to the boys who
are suffering from the effects Of a morn
ing following the night before" In this
act he poses as fife-saver, and the boys
proceed to the office with only thoughts of
thankfulness in theft hearts for the drug
clerk .aa,.y
The drug clerky-poor dog! He has to
know 1t all, hear II all and bear 1t all. If
he doesn't, he is al bad drug clerk.
NEW GFOGR4pHTCAI, CrnCK