davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1904-01-30
WHY HE WOULD NOT PAY.

A few weeks ago a Scotchman
came to consult a Wimpole street
doctor and began relating the symp-
toms of his ailment. When he had
concluded the physician said:
"The first thing you must do is to
stop smoking and the next is to cut
off your liquor, and then there must
be no more midnight suppers.
"Humph p calculated the Scot.
"I dinna like that" ("
"Well," (" said the physician, relent-
ing, ''if you must have something TO
eat at night take few biscuits and
a glass of warm milk about an hour
before retiring; but no liquor, re-
member.
"And is thet all?" asked the
Scotchman, as he arose gravely from
his chair.
"I think so, said the doctor. "Of
course, want you to come in to see
me again in about week"
"Well, good-day to ye, doctor, !"
said the patient, as he stepped toward
the door.
"Oh, / beg your pardon, my usual
fee is IL 2s.,'' said the physician, as
he picked up the note of introduction
from his desk.
1.-TWO guineas, and fer what? ?'
asked the Scotchman.
"For my advice, replied the ply
sician.
"Then," replied the Highlander,
"I'll nav pay ye penny
"And why not, pray?' asked the
doctor.
Because, replied the Scotchman,
81 dinna intend to TAX your advice. :
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1904-01-30
HOW PLANTS CLIMB.

It is in the twining plants, such as
bryony and hop, and the tendrill bear
ers, like the vetches, that we find the
highest development of the climbing
habit, says Knowledge. These plants
live under unusual conditions. In
order to gain the light they must
seek rather than avoid overhanging
foliage, and so we find the vetches,
instead of turning away from the
shadow toward the light, like most of
their neighbors, boldly pushing up in
the center of bush, to burst into
BOSOM amid its upper branches, far
above their less daring neighbors.
But it is in the leaves of these
plants that we find the most remark
able notifications adapting them to a
climbing habit. The leaves of the
vetches and vetchlings are pinnate-
they bear a number of opposite ovate
leaflets. The tip of the leafstalk and
the uppermost pair of pinna are in
the climbing species changed into
tendrilis-sensitive, twining, whip
like structures, which exhibit re-
markable features. If the slightly
curved, extended tendril of young
leaf of pea or vetch be watched care
fully it will be found that it is slowly
but incessantly moving round and
round in a circle. If the tendril
comes into contact with a twig it
bends toward it and eventually takes
several turns around it. Even a
slight temporary irritation is sufi-
cient to cause bending toward any
side.
Finally the tendril becomes woody
and strong and forms secure anchor
cable for the plant. Not only does
the young tendril rotate; the whole
leaf on which it is borne is in contin-
ual motion. The shoot to which the
leaf belongs is rotating also, SO that
the tendrill is sweeping the air with
a complicated motion, in the course
of which it is almost sure to strike
against some stem or twig of the sur
rounding vegetation.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1904-01-30
JUST HOW IT HAPPENED.
couldn't help it, papa. !"

IT couldn't help it, papa"
She looked up into his face with
her frank brown eyes and it was i'm
possible to doubt her.
"But you didn't seem to be pro-
testing very much," said the old
gentleman.
sit was so sudden, papa, that I
couldn't" she insisted.
"Tell me about it," he said.
'sWell, he adopted a very clever
ruse, you see. He got me to look
the other way, and then, before I
knew it, he had kissed me on the
cheek. /"
"The scoundrel p
cit was wrong of him, of course. !"
"What did you do then?"
''I was very angry. I told him it
was an insult" /"
"Indeed it was, and you should
have ordered him to leave the room.
Did your
moo. Not exactly"
"Well, what did you do"
''I told him it was an insult, and
that he must take it back"
"And then?"
"He was just taking it back when
you came in and saw him."
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1904-01-30
THE FAMILY UMBRELLA.

People all know the family umbrel-
la of tradition, therefore it is pleas
ure to read Walter Besant's spicy re-
marks on this subject. Says he:
"The real old family umbrella has
gone out. Call that slim, stuck up,
affected, attenuated thing a family
umbrella? Go away. l remember
the genuine family umbrella it was
kept in readiness behind every front
door; it was large, portly, heavy
instrument as an emblem of respec-
liability it was highly esteemed in mid
die class society it was serviceable
as tent in rainy weather; it could
be used as weapon of offense and
defensive on occasion. have seen a.
picture of an elderly gentleman keep
ing off a footpad by means of this
lethal umbrella he made as if he
would spear or prod the william. Why,
one prod would alone make hole of
six inches diameter in that murderous
carcass. The nurse used to carry it,
with difficulty managing the baby and
the umbrella; it went out to tea with
the young ladies'; the maid who
fetched" them home took the um-
brella with her. 1t succeeded the
lantern and the club formerly carried
by the prentice when he escorted his
mistress to the card party after dark.
I remember it, l say. There were
three brothers who came to the same
school where 1 was but tiny little
boy they lived at some distance, aud
had to pass on their way to school
through stratum Of inferior respec-
liability. Every morning brought to
these three brothers the delight and
the excitement Of battle with the
boys belonging to that inferior res
pectability. To the eldest brother,
who carried the really important
weapon, the umbrella was exactly
what his battle axe was to the Lion
Heart. So he raised it. so he WELD
ed it; so he swung it; so he laid his
enemies low to right and to left of
him; before him and behind him /;
while the other two, relying on the
books tightly strapped, brought them
to bear, with shrewd knocks and
thwacks and poundings, on heads and
shoulders and ribs. Twas family
umbrella-green, too, if I remember
Alright"
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1904-01-30

A cORNET-PLAYER in a local or
chestra "a native of the Fatherland,)
recently got into trouble inncocently
and unexpectedly.
Lets have that over again, re-
quested the conductor, surprised at
hearing a note that was not on the
score.
The note was sounded again.
"What are you playing9" he ask
ed at last.
81 am blaying vot vos on de paper, .
said the musician. II blay vat is be-
fore me-"
Lets have look. +"
The part was handed to the con-
ductor.
"Why, you idiotp' he roared,
scan't you see that this is dead fy!"
''I don't gare," was the reply, he
vas zere und l played him.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1904-01-30

NoDD-"Y say your baby does
not walk yet? Mine does. Same
age, too. Your baby cut his teeth
yet?'
Todd-"No."
Mold" Mine has, all of them.
Your baby talk ?"
Todd" mot yet. Can yours :"
Nodd-"Great Scott yes"
Todd-"Does your kid shave him
self or does he go to barber's9"
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1904-01-30

"THERE IS a time" she said,
"when nearly every woman believes
in luck, and also time when she
ceases to believe in it."
"When are the two times?"
"When she is engaged and when
she is married"
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1904-01-30

Mr.. SUBBUBs Bridget knows we
always want dinner promptly at six,
doesn't she 7"
Mrs. Subbubs-"Yes."
Mr.. Subbubs-"Well, you ought
to ask her why she doesn't have it
ready at that hour"
Mrs. Subbubs-"I did, and she
said she didn't have to-"
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1904-01-30

FR1END-"Was your husband
touched when you gave him those
slippers?" Wife-"Touched. He
had fit
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1904-01-30

ADocToR who has made specially
of nervous diseases has found new
remedy for "the blues" As no drugs
are administered, he has felt safe in
experimenting with at least half a
hundred melancholy patients, and
now declares himself thoroughly sat
is6ed with the good results of his
treatment. His prescription reads
something like this: eff you keep
the corners of your mouth turned up
you can't feel blue;" and the direc-
tions for talking are: Smile; keep
on smiling; don't stop smiling
1t sounds ridiculous, doesn't it !
Well, just try turning up the corners
of your mouth, regardless of your
mood, and see how it makes you feel ;
then draw the corners Of your mouth
down, and note the effect, and you
will be willing to declare there's
something in it."
Custer County Republican. (Broken Bow, Neb.) 1882-1921, 1904-10-13
Two of a Kind.

The late Sir Oliver Mowatt, the Ca
madam statesman, who enjoyed the
reputation of never giving unneces-
sary Offense TO anyone, was fond of
telling a retort which he received from
an Ontario rustic when he was en-
deayoriug 60 soothe the countryman's
feelings.
Sir Oliver rounded a sharp curve
ut rather fast speed while driving
along a country road and knocked the
rustic, who was riding bicycln, into
She ditch. The statesman immediate
ly stopped his horse, and leaving his
vehicle went to the others rescue.
Now, now, don't say a word" he
began soothingly as he helped him
from the ditch. I'm fix it all right.
I'm Oliver Mowatt."
Il don't care what you are all overt,
shouted the angry countryman. "But
| know this; am all over mud"
Custer County Republican. (Broken Bow, Neb.) 1882-1921, 1904-10-13
lNDlGo's UPS AND DOWNS.
Threatened by a Chemical Counterfeit
1t Now Is in New Demand.

More than twenty years ago, and
after an extended series of expert
ments, it was announced that chem
lists had discovered how to make arti-
hcial indigo, and it was soon ascer-
tanned that the new product was iden-
teal in its properties with the old.
very few years elapsed before. the
new indigo was made in Germany on
a commercial scale; and, as it could
be sold at cheaper rate than that de.
rived from cultivation, the planters
were threatened with ruin
But a strange thing has happened
1t has been recently found that when
the two kinds of indigo, the natural
and the artificial. are blended in equal
proportions, dye is obtained which is
not only more durable but is brighter
i'll hue then either by itself.
This discovery has naturally result
ed in an increased demand for the old
fashioned indigo. and fresh impetus
has been given to an industry which
was much in need of support Cham
ber's Journal
Custer County Republican. (Broken Bow, Neb.) 1882-1921, 1904-10-13
Wonderful Echoes.

One Of the finest echoes of which
we have record is mentioned ~
Barthius, in his notes on the Thebais
of Status. This was on the banks of
the Naha, between Coblenz and Bin
gen, where an original sound was re
peated seventeen times.
At Milan is an echo which reiter-
ates the report of pistol from fifty
to sixty times. In a cave OF the
Pantheon it is said that the guide, by
tapping his coat, makes a noise equal
to the report of a twelve FOUNDER.
Pliny speaks of a cave in Dalmatia
where a stone tossed in would raise a
perfect storm.
The sweetest echo in all the world
answers a call at the side of the tomb
of Nur-Mahal dud Jehanhgirn, at Agra.
The guide raises the cry; Great is
God, and Mohammed is his Prophet
Allah! Allah! At first three distinct
musical notes are heard in the echo.
which reverberate round the dome.
and ascend until they reach the small
er dome, where obey ro.unite, and es-
cape from the temple as one tone.
Custer County Republican. (Broken Bow, Neb.) 1882-1921, 1904-10-13
The Pines and the &c,

| love that spot on the northern shore
Where whispering pines creep down
TO rim old oceans hoary brow
With fragrant emerald crown
sometimes he roarS tempestuously
SWIFT running. that boisterouS sea
Reaching hOary arms with world-old cum
ming
For the frightened pines that shrink
away
From his clasp all tremblinsly.
Or, mild as cooling dove, he woos
With low and dangerous waves
Across the beach of tinted sand
To the seaweeds' sounding caves:
In quiy'rlnS heart of summer eve
When his heart beats restlessly
Creeping noiselessly, never at peace
He Graves a kiss from the dropping pines
That list to his minstrelsy.
Then the moon rides out on the blue
above.
Breasting the cloud-billows free
Watching the coquetry of the pines
with the eVer-urgent sea:
Shedding "A benson of light
As she muses. the while, merrily
CHANGING down with silvery smile
On the bridal night of the stately pines
And the all-conquering sea.
All! spicy pines and wide. deep sea.
The joy of your love distils for me
The Fragrance of shores unknown
And the pine-clad heights of poesy
Boston Transcript.
Custer County Republican. (Broken Bow, Neb.) 1882-1921, 1904-10-13
The Modern Girls Weapons.

The present-day girl carries about
her person at least two concealed
weapons in the form of the newest hat
pins. The breadth of the crown of
the up-todate hat has made it neces-
sary to add two inches to the length
of the already sufficiently dangerous
hat pin, and the result is astonishing
The old-fashioned gold or silver pin
of seven or eight inches in length is
of no use whatever in securing this
summers bats. The new pin meas.
ures ten inches from tip to handle
and is made Of an infleXble metal to
pierce the heavy straws. Plain gold
heads, either round or oval in form,
are seen on many of the new pins, al
though some of the more expensive
designs are set with jewels.
Custer County Republican. (Broken Bow, Neb.) 1882-1921, 1904-10-13

because | never supposed | mattered
a pennyworth to you. | staid away be.
cause, above all else, | wanted you to
be happy.
She smiled knowingly.
"Oh, you delightful old SHAM" she
said
ITS not a sham, Evelyn" Golden
said. And there are lots of other
things that haven't been shams,
either. 1t wasn't a sham when used
to walk the streets half the night,
eating out my heart with a jealousy
| never felt the right to express. 1t
wasn't a sham when l packed off to
the woods that time when your en-
Sagement to Dean was announced. Ev,
| used to envy every squirrel | shot"
Did you really care so much?" she
said. She was scanning his face Gag.
erly.
Il wish l might make you under
stand how | have cared" he said sim
ply.
Bob" she said slowly, 81 broke my
engagement with Dean when you
came back from the woods that time
because | knew then | could never be
happy with anyone but you. But
never dreamed you really cared"
Il wanted you to be happy" he
said. Il didn't want to pain you by
letting you know had grown to care"
1T was like you'-her hands on his
shoulders-'to be generous-far too
generous
Golden laughed gaily.
Rest assured | never shall be
again" said he.
Il think | shall like you better IL
you're more selfish" she confided.-
Thomas G.. Fessenden in Boston
Globe.
Custer County Republican. (Broken Bow, Neb.) 1882-1921, 1904-10-13
Tourists Spend Vast Sums.

American tourists who are spread.
ing themselves over Europe little real
iZe how carefully the money which
they and others may spend is reckon
ed up in the various countries they
patronize. The total spent by the
tourists of all nations in year makes
a very considerable budget. The Ger
man statistician has just been firing
his brain over the exact amount. Here
are some of the figures: Switzerland
during the year has 100000 visitors,
who spend S30,000O00. Italy, the Ri
viera and Spain between them net
$60,O00,OO0 The various great CAPT
tails take in all $25OO0,0OO, culled
from the pockets of the 900 900 visit
ors to Paris, the 100000 to London,
the 100000 to Berlin, the 100000 to
Vienna, and so forth. Baths and sea
side resorts have hordes of visitors,
who spend more than sl6,OOO,OOO.
Custer County Republican. (Broken Bow, Neb.) 1882-1921, 1904-10-13
Odd Relics Are unearthed.

Since so much excavation has been
done in New York of late, particular.
ly for the subway and other railroad
tunnels. great number of historic
relics have been discovered by labor.
ers. The most recent find was q
medal for bravery presented to one
Thomas Sampson, who was a member
of the metropolitan police force IF.
ty years ago, and famous federal
spy during the civil war. The medal.
which is n gold one, was given to the
officer for life-saving heroism. This
fact Is stated on one side of the medal
while on the other is the figure of a
ship in distress and on the shore two
men are attempting to throw life
line to the wrecked mariners. Samp-
son was one of the body guards to
Lincoln during his first Inauguration
and took part in the search for the
plotters who were responsible for his
assassination.
Custer County Republican. (Broken Bow, Neb.) 1882-1921, 1904-10-13
Doc Was Wealthy in own Rioht.

The richest dog, in his own right,
that ever lived died at West Chester,
Pa, in 1888. He had been the pet of
Mrs. Elizabeth Shee, who died two or
three years before him, and left in her
will the sum of 1900 for his support
as long as he should live. AT his
death the money was to go to ST,
Peters Episcopal Church of Tredyf.
fryn township, but before the church
could get the money it was stipulated
the dog was TO be decently buried.
wrapped in a sheet for a shroud and
placed in a coffin made specially for
the reception of his body. Unlike
most famous dogs, this one was
neither good looking nor well bred,
being mongrel of the lowest type,
sulky and stupid withal.
Custer County Republican. (Broken Bow, Neb.) 1882-1921, 1904-10-13
crazed by Reckoning Dead Hand.

Gerdarme No. SIC, OF Mexico City,
was taken to the insane asylum re.
Gently after telling the following story
of the finding of a human hand in Las
ViZcainas alley:
The gendarme was walking along
the alley when he saw package on
the sidewalk. On STOPPING to pick up
the package he saw that it contained
the forearm and hand of a woman.
The flesh was still warm and the hand
moved as if reckoning to the gen
darme. The skin was white, one fin
ger carried a diamond ring and on the
wrist was a bracelet, showing that the
member had been part of the body of
a woman of the better class. The
softness of the skin and the blue
veins indicated that the hand belong
ed to some one beyond the ordinary.
The gendarme put the arm back
where he had found it and ran fright
ened to the fourth comisaria, from
which an ambulance was sent to pick
up she arm. The gendarme would not
return to the scene and later had to
be taken to the hospital.
Herald.
Custer County Republican. (Broken Bow, Neb.) 1882-1921, 1904-10-13

the same as if he were rowing with
his back to the bow. Each oar is in
two parts. jointed and fitted to the
oarlock. the parts being connected
with each other by a sector, or
toothed gear. working between two
plates furnished with axles, upon
which the sectors hinge, the plates
being adjusted to the locks. The in
ventor of the system is ID. Boyen of
Brussels.
In addition to enabling the oarsman
to see at all times where he is going,
the device of the jointed oars is said
to permit of much greater force with
less eXertiou.
Custer County Republican. (Broken Bow, Neb.) 1882-1921, 1904-10-13
Arlstocrats Travel Incoanlto-

1t is said that in the past twelve
months numerous European men of
title have visited this country under
assumed names, and the fact is ex-
planned in this way; When they come
here the practice has been to asso-
ciate them with matrimonial ven.
ture. This is distasteful to those who
are innocent of any intent to pick up
an American heiress and fatal to thos4
who really have such plans. Once pu,
the tag Fortune Hunter" on a bum
baron or a spawned duke and hi.
plans are ruined. For these reasons
many of the members of the European
aristocracy come over incosnito.
Custer County Republican. (Broken Bow, Neb.) 1882-1921, 1904-10-13

Bobby, dear, you cant fool women
in some things" she said. You have
never really cared. If you did, why
weren't you ever jealous of me? Why
did you let all my little affairs of the
heart go on with never murmur from
you? Men are not silent when they
really care. Neither do they watch
another mans suit with eQuanimity
It's because I'm growing old and be.
cause | am no longer sought after that
you ask me now-you dear, brave,
generous boy"
Evelyn" he said, ARE you crazy?"
She shook her head
mo. Very. very sane" she said.
Look here" said he. q staid away
and gave those other chaps the field
Custer County Republican. (Broken Bow, Neb.) 1882-1921, 1904-10-13
ASPARAGUS LONG A FAvoRlrR
Records Date Back Almost to Bealn
ming Of Authentic History.

or all food plants there is none
which has been so long known or been
possessed of SO distinguished line.
age as the asparagus. Its records
reach back almost to the beginning
OF authentic history, and it is men
toned by the comic poet Cratinus,
who died about 425 y. c. The Ro.
mans held the vegetable in high es-
teen. The elder Cato wrote work
which is srill eXtant DE re Rustica,"
and 1t treats at length of the virtues
and proper cultivation of asparagus.
Piiny, in his natural history, written
about GO A. D., has muck to say about
1t. He feelingly observes: "Of ali
the products of your garden your chief
care should be asparagus" and he de.
votes several chapters to it's many
good qualities and the best methods
OF raising it. He asserts that the soil
about Ravenna was so favorable to
its production that three heads grown
in that district had been known to
weigh Roman pound. This pound
seems to have been about equal to
eleven ounces in our day. so it woulG
apparently have taken four OF the
stalks to have reached pound Of our
weight.
The asparagus being essentially a
southern plant, it is possible that the
stock growing in Italy was of a more
vigorous growth than that of our
northern cline. 1t is found all around
IN oh Nf L.
branches off into four or five distinct
species besides the one ordinarily
used for edible purposes.
Custer County Republican. (Broken Bow, Neb.) 1882-1921, 1904-10-13
Plague of Mice in Australia.

South Australia Is said to be suffer.
ing with a great invasion of mice.
The cause is the recent bad weather,
which caused more or less of fail
ure of the wheat crop, and the far
mers allowed much grain to remain in
the fields. This fell to the ground in
time, and so furnished much food for
the mice.
Custer County Republican. (Broken Bow, Neb.) 1882-1921, 1904-10-13
IRON TURNED INTO COPPER.
Simple Explanation Of What at First
Appears Remarkable.

A curious find was recently made
in one of the copper mines at Eel
Cobre. Cuba. These mines. once
among the richest in the world. have
been abandoned for over thirty years
because during the Cuban iusurrec.
ton of 1868 the coal supply was cut
OFF by the insurgents. and consequent.
ly pumping became impossible, so that
the mines filed with water After the
Spanish war an American company
bought the mines and proceeded to
pump out the water. In one of the
shafts thus made accessible was
found what once represented an iron
pickaXe as well as some crowbars.
The metal in these implements had,
however turned to copper.
Wonderful as this may appear, there
is a simple scientific explanation. The
water altering through the rocks and
the copper ore veins dissolved. some
sulphatc of copper. As the sulphuric
acid has greater affinity for iron it
at once dissolved that metal and de.
posted copper in its place, for sui
phuric acid has greater affinity for
iron than for copper In the process
certain impurities which had existed
in the iron were left behind undis-
turbcd. The wooden handle of the axe
was in good condition. The metal
was porous and irregular in shape,
but in the general outlines preserved
the form of the axe somewhat en-.
larged in size.
Custer County Republican. (Broken Bow, Neb.) 1882-1921, 1904-10-13
High Tower Mill, Great Yarmouth

molition. 1t cost $4,000 to build in
1872. 1t served as landmark far
and wide, its cap being 100 feet from
the ground. Circular in form, the
mill contained no fewer than twelve
floors Its walls are several feet
thick, and are estimated to contain
hundreds of thousands of bricks. 1t
was sold for $500 under the hammer.
These mills have done plenty of work
in their day, and many of them have
made fortunes for their owners, but
steam and roller milling have made
them an anachronism, and today they
are no more than quaint reminder
of the days of our grandfathers and
days before that