The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1904-03-06

possessed a metaphysical identity with
each other and alternate existence.
When James Olson of the little city
went to the metropolis to purchase
goods. James Olson OF the naughty city
received his letters and answered
them; in particular, letters from Mrs.
bison Of the little city, in reply to
which he insisted, very properly. on his
eagcrness TO return to the delights of
her society. and added certain instrIic-
tons demonstrating that even during
his absence his thoughts were OF the
moral Welfare Of that community In
return for these courtesies in the me-
iroDolis. when James Olson Of the
small city revisited his accustomed
Office 1t was his practice 10 sign and
forward to the naughty city certain
checks in payment of bills which his
metaphysical double had contracted.
One evening James Olson of the
naughty city found himself possessed
or roll OF 'greenbackS" and of a
handsome watch. which bore n striking
resemblance TO a gift officially and ora
torically presented 10 February. Is.
by the chamber Of commerce and the
Bankers association Of the other city 70
their eminent and universally honored
and esteemed fellow citizen. James
Olson" The roll Of sreenbacks James
Olson of the naughty city diminished
from time To time IN the course OF the
evening with the manner and gesture of
er-mind-the-c change. The watch he
consulted toward O'Clock in the morn
iHC with an intellectual intensity and
decided that he had made a night OF il
and would take q Turkish bath. When
ne had emerged from the bath and had
breakfast, he remembered that he had
au appointment in Newark a the hour
OF 10 and that the ideal way TO go
10 that place is to take the trolley,
which DE did.
Burke Ryan was q gentleman who
took his fun where he found it. and to
whom the universe owed a living. In
the intervals Of his pleasure he collected
hat the universe owed him; and if
ne discovered il for the most part in
the pockets OF other people. so much
the worse-for the other people. A man
has right 10 his own.
At the time when James Olson was
making a night Of Il. Burke Ryan saw
his watchchain. and surmised his watch
and took stock Of his roll of bills and
his manner and gesture of never mind
the change.
When Olson entered the bathhouse,
Burke also entered IT, He had not
wanted a Turkish bath. but ne took one.
What he really wanted was TO touch
him. and 10 go to bed. When Disor
fingered at breakfast, Burke also lin
Eered at breakfast, though with r
growing Impotence at the proliX Ell
qucttc OF modern times.
When Olson entered the trolley car
Burke also entered it. and took place
beside him. although he had no bust
ness whatever in the city to which that
gentleman was going. When Olson
slept his watch transferred itself to
BUrkc's waistcOat; when Olson awOke
he discovered in his trousers pocket the
Two longest and deftest fingers of
Burke's right hand. Burke was at once
SO obliging as to withdraw the fingers
and with them the remnant of Dison's
roll OF bills.
Olson seized Burke by the shoulder
and spoke his mind with vigor and
idiom. There were two women and
twenty men IN the'car. The two women
expressed the judgment OF their sex
upon the situation inarticUlately. each
r. the top Of her voice: the twenty men
with one impulse lurched toward Burke
Burke produced remarkably hand
some razor. TO which he called Dison's
attention and the attention of every
one in -the car. Everybody. Olson in
particular. eVinced a sudden interest in
reaching the street; they fell over
themselves in their eagerness: the
women forgot even to scream, and one
of them forgot the way TO the door and
used the window. The last to desert
his place was the mOtormaD. whom
Burke's approach seemed to afIiict with
acute insanity As n preliminary 10
jumping of he turned on the full cur
rent. and when the car bounded for
ward at full speed he leaped. He did
not wait 10 hold by the handles and
steady himself before his feet touched
9 g. h..
and did gymnastics. When he was
picked NJ afterward he explained that
he had been in hurry.
stop thief" yelled the chorus in
the road.
Go 20 heilI7 grinned Burke
Find telephone said one Of the
crowd, while another called on a man
on n bicycle to catch that car" and
explained that there was r thief on it,.
When they explained also the nature OF
the thief and OF his company the BIZ
cyclist guessed he was tired and that
they might. catch the cal themselves
IF any OF you gentlemen wants the
loan of ny wheel ne can have IT," he
said generously. "but for ne-toiav'S
Friday; it's always bad. luck for mo
10 catch stolen tTolleys on friday
None o. he gentlemen wanted the loan
OF his wheel.
Burke lsfr the trolley soon. In front
% the one house visible stood "a horse
and buggy, which he halted che car
Co borrow. saying Mat he needed them
ga his business. = minute afterward
he had disappeared.
Meantime James Olson discovered
that ne had lost hissvatcn.
When James Olson of The naughty
city discovered that he had lost his
watch. the first step he took in regard
% il was admirable. The first step. 20
be Irish, was to stand still and medi-
tate on what his metaphysical double
should say so Mrs Olson of the other
city: in particular IL the affair should
reach the newspapers and the omnis-
cient reporter should employ his in
alienable right of pertinent scandal. He
escaped with ali possible haste from
The witnesses of his mischance and de-
Ciined 10 give his name.
Dison's second step was 90 seek out
Tho Front Office and obtain private in
terview with the CHIEF; ard here for n
moment nc made a blunder. He had
the temerity 20 demand a favor before
b. had founded its indispensable basis
I'm friendship. The chief paused in the
midst OF his scrutiny of pile OF docu-
7ucnts: official business was suspended
everywhere within ear shot. and Mr.
Olson listened to the voice Of authority.
The chief was a man of wrath: his
speech WIS rude and his figure of rhe-
tOric unconventional.
NO. ! VIII not You viii take your
chances like anybody else. I viii keep
nothing quiet. Every dashed upstate
son of n hayrick thinks he can come
down here and play the goat and go
back home an forgit IL. II my towns
tough. it's you hOcsiers that come down