The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1904-03-15
The NoNPAREJL MAN


/ by Mr.. Moses, the Reform Advocate of
for" Man Who is Really Trying to Do
4 Better.
i Well, now we are in trouble! Mr.. Moses
Icame in yesterday, looking rather glum,
albeit CLEAN of humor now and then
1 shot athWart the sorrow of his Wr1nkled
Icountenance. Urgent to unbosom himself,
/ he said:
"Well, it's this way. You know I left
off using chewing tobacco last Christmas.
Now, If there's any habit that hates to
abandon man 1t is the filthy one men
tion.''
! We gave sympathetic murmur
/ well, you know how the devil always
Hays for the man who is trying to cir
/ cumvent his wiles? Yes; we'll when put
on my spring overcoat last week and left
the house for the office 1 sort of naturally
| put my hands in my pockets and what did
i / fish up but half eaten plug of the
| finest old chewing tobacco that ever
4 grandpa laid up against grumbling tooth.
1 Instantly was seized by two struggling
i desires. One; to throw the tobacco over
j into the street and the other to bite out a
half moon segment from the plug. just
4 one you know, to see how it tasted and to
! ascertain If had lost the desire for it,"
i Mr.. Moses paused.
We'll, which did you do?"
II lnaL the question:, lSn [ III NOW 90
you remember that Stockton fellow who
had The Lady or the Tiger story which
created such a Juror decade Or so ago7
I The point was, which came out, the lady
or the tiger, and the author left it unde-
cided and everybody was fighting mad?'
Eyes, recall the story.
"Well, this is another just like it. The
problem is, did take the chew Or throw
the plug away"
J Mr.. Moses went out the door followed
by old letter file, a typemetal cut and
4 a few scissors and paste potts. thrown by
an indignant office force. -
Send in your solutions. First correct
answer will entitle writer to million dol
lars-if he sees it before we do.
Elijah Filley Of Reynolds, Neb writes
to Walt Mason Of the Nebraska State
Journal:
The other evening started for home when
gale was blowing; the wind took off my hat
and carried it tho 1t had been shot out of a
} gun. never expected to see it again, but when
= reached home there my hat, hanging
, the front door knob. I curious to know
= whether history records more marvellous occur
, renee
! Mr.. Mason seems to think that such in
> cidents are Of frequent occurrence, but do
: not get into print. Probably because the
writer's get into Jail first.
- Some time ago there was article
= printed in this column on "Bores.' A
y New York paper now tells of man who
o is going from office to office selling a
. recipe 'On How to Get Rid of Bores.'
: For 10 cents he sells a small manila en-
? velope containing a slip of paper on which
n is written: Have but one chair in your
s private office and occupy that yourself.
e Pretend to have a lot Of telephoning to
II do. Let one Of the clerks run in and out
g every second or two as if on urgent bust
e ness. Put on your hat and coat nervousy.
i Stare into vacancy. Look at your watch
8 every three seconds and frown."
w This method has no effect on the real
y bore. The amateur bore it freezes out,
. but anybody can freeze out an amateur
h bore without giving up 10 cents for a
recipe. e.. }. -.- ... ..
sri Only eight more weeks of this glorious
is old winter. Now, altogether on the cho-
In rus:
lei "Hurrah for the jolly old winter.
e, The king of the seasons is he"
Who threw that?
st We have not received our garden seeds
le from Washington Down with the gov
v ernment!! &sss~s
er Mount Curve lady claims to have
at seen two robins. Tut, tut! Well, at any
MS rate, they were two large birds and they
T. were not bluejays. So there!
10 Weather Forecast-Strong north winds
with snow; colder, with cold wave in the
far northwest and in Lincoln. Neb.; more
he snow; cold wave; heavy northwest winds
ed snow, ice and cold.
ed Speaking of the season, q Chicago Rec
er ord-Herald reporter tells Of "a $50 dream
e. in white trimmed with spring flowers
m with broad, fiat brim and long lawr
sashes to be tied under the chin" Query
What was it?
as Rev. r. c. Fillingham. the. .Fightins
~ Vicar of Hexton, Eng, is at Charleston
80 S. c., establishing in the United States
THE American Anti Ritual League" TIL
southern papers refer to him as an "ec
clesiastical Carrie Nation and do no
in appear to sympathize with his mission
he The other day in Savannah Mr.. Fillinghan
se spoke in a contemptuous way of the rec
O. tor Of st. Pauls church, and describes
he him as being dressed In kind of "doubl
no dishcoth," and spoke of the service a
in "a feeble and ineffective parody on
ms Catholic mass" To the great disappoint
ne ment of the people who enjoy a row, Mr.
IN Fillingham has not seen fit during tn
ne ne present visit to interrupt any church ser
vices and get himself thrown out. Pos
'e sibly after his literary and organizin,
WOIh Is OOIS Il6 Will give a lew pIdCllCd
=. demonstrations.
is,
SIS, Last Sunday 16-year- boy, VIII
re- first gave his name as Edwards. then a
on Hockerday, and finally as Edison, ex
ploded stick Of dynamite in the rear O
a Carthage, Mo-, grocery store. Their
l, seemed to be no motive for his act unit
les his pockets were searched by the police
m when they found, among other articles
e. two big punches of skeleton keys an
90, three scent novels, entitled ''Buffal
To- BilPs Daring Capture, or the Noble Scou
~. as a Detective Diamond Dicks Dia
Isl mond Dirk, or the Daredevil Of Def1anc
X Den," and Twenty Buckets of Blood. o
az the Murder of the Multi-Millionaire
,ry This seemed to explain the situation TIL
ya- boy, finally admitted that he was Undue
IN with an ambition to be detective, an
RS that he had fired off the dynamite to lear
! how loud a noise was made by the crack
is ing of safe. Il you were ever a bo
9TH you know just how that young one fel
out and reasoned. "A. J. r.
l1d
leyl
lar coNsTABLEs AND MONKEYS
Barend Vet Of The Hague had recent
- the misfortune to call constable a mon