The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-02-21
Cooney Jessaps ~
Overdose of Radium

told him to take his old radium and go.
Told him to sue for it if he wanted it. The
professor did try to collect the thousand
dollars off of old man Jessap but all the
human lanterns father really owned was
four hogs and a grindstone, so the profess
sor gave it UP in despair and started a
faith cure revival, over in Gloomsburg, that
paid lot better than working.
Nearly every job. from high to low, was
open to Cooney now Anybody could see
what fine night Waterman he would make.
or night in a railroad yard, or a
burglar in a reform municipality. or a
dummy for an all-night window display.
Medical colleges would be willing to pay
him well, just to exhibit his interior, and
his possibilities as the founder of a new
religious sect were limitless.
But none of these things for Cooneyi A
circus for him, nothing else. 1t wasn't cir
Gus season just then but he could afford
to wait and besides. now that he was in
dependent, he wanted to do a little sparkling
before he went out into the wide, wide
world Up to this time the girls had per-
sstently refused to giggle at him. but now
that he was some pumpkins it was different.
His first hint of the change was one after
noon when he passed by Hen Worley's store
and ran across Ollie Benson and Bessie
Daggett and Lib Classy, all chewing gum.
In place of tossing their heads and look
ing at the sky usual, when he came
along, they all looked at him and grinned
quite friendly.
"Howdy, Cooney! chirped Bessie She
always was the bold one The rest just gig
gled politely.
ssHowdvi' gasped Coonev t,,rning rod
and shifting his hands from his pants
pockets to his suspenders. his armpits, his
waistband and back to his pockets again.
'They say ole Mis- Green's a-sinkin' fast"
That was all, but Great Heck, wasn't it
enough? Especially as they all giggled as
long as he was in earshot? Above or
rather through, all the voinces he could
hear the delicious silvery giggle of Lib
Classy, and he suddenly realized that he
had always been sweet on Libby. That
night Cooney was fairly dazzling and the
Jessaps made him go to bed early and shut
the door of his room so the rest of them
could get some sleep.
The vNy next afternoon he went down
past Squire Gassy's house. Libby was at
the kitchen window. BY and by he came
past again. Libby was on the front porch.
and the next she was at the gate, but look
ing the other way. Cooney walked clear
on by then he turned and said: "Howdy.'
misunderstanding! Howdyi" gasped
Libby.
'Oe Mis- Green's a-pickin' up some
t'day," Cooney remarked.
Observation-Disclosures said Libby
81 swallered watch las night" he went
"Te-he-he-he-her' said Libby.
"Uh-huh Eff We come clost We kin hear
it tick"
"Te-he-he-he-he! 1 dom want to-"
said Libby.
:" Deed I'll dare!" replied Cooney as he
grabbed her. This here hain't no night
time, an we kin see they haint nobody in
sight. You jes hor STILL now!'
So Cooney kissed her. After that Libby
went out TO the orchard quite often, and
Cooney was seldom seen on the street in
daylight any more. This only lasted few
days, however. for Libbys lips began to
swell up and turn red and peel off and get
sore. They got worse and worse till they
were pulled up just as if she had been
stung by hornets. Then the truth came out.
She had to confess that Cooney had kissed
heri
Squire Classy gasped in amazement.
Its that drafted radiumi" he declared.
81 been reading where it scorched the flesh
like living fire, and you got it. Cooneys
jes' chock full of it. Serves you right I'm
going to spank you, missy, and put you 70
bed without your supper, and then I'm
going right over to Jessap's and have
Cooney walloped too!'
Thus ended Cooneys young dream of love.
Cooney laid on his side to sleep that night,
for good reasons of his own, but at o'clock
his interior alarm woke him up. He thought
ii all over, speculated on the chances of his
ever becoming deradiumized, dripped few
violet-lighted tears, dressed himself and
slipped out of the silent house forever.
Down at the railroad track freight train
had stopped for water, and he crawled into
a box car. The brakeman saw his light
streaming out, but Cooney blinded him with
a quarter, a jack-knife with one broken
blade and part of a nickel cut OF tobacco,
and rode on away to the great, wicked city.
He arrived in the morning with a breaking
heart and an empty stomach, but 10
youth of his genius and ability the world
was an oyster, and he, you must remember.
was a fine swallower. Before noon he
had an engagement in dime museum. and
there the dawn Of a new and happier life
glowed upon him.
I'D vos fine, fineI' exulted the manager,