Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1904-05-07
AT THE TELEPHONE

A Washington man. who a few months
ago married dasbing young Widow-what-
ever "dashins'' as Applied to young widow
may mean, but that's how they're always
alluded to-had kind of mean quarter of
an hour the other Afternoon.
A telephone was feeeratfy installed in the
dining room of his home. AS a young one
with new toy. .his-wife Immediately got
busy with the telephone. Of course. and
spent good part of the day in calling up
women folk of her acquaintance to tell
them tnat they were looking well and to ask
them II they were going to take In the bar
gain muslin sale. and so on.
afternoon, and HIS wife didn't hear him
enter the house because she was at the
telephone. Headlight want to break In upon
a couch In the room on the dining room to
walt until she had finished her conversation
over the wire. Very soon, however, he
FOUND himself sitting up straight. From
down the rug and biting his nails and
mopping his suddenly moist forehead.
IL was MS wife's wire monologue that
caused him to do these things. The frag-
something like the following:
AND you say that the dear little love is
looking well today3F am SO glad! I knew
that you would take The best of care of
AAS tNSSAOocs Csc, VI CUufScp Siuuiu HCNSA
have intrusted him to you. Is his appetite
good! Not SO very good, did you say? Well,
the Daring surroundings are of course so
new to him that his appetite IS bound to
De aHected for time. Is 1t not?''
The man In the rext room was mussfng
up his hair lot by this time. and there
Was visible throbbing at his temples.
90 wish you'd be careful tc see that
before giving 1t 10 him. went on the
mans wife at the phone. HE Is so ffni-
cal about the temperature of his milk, the
love! He will snifr at it and utterly re-
fuse 1t II 1t is chilly and he won't even
look at 1t II he finds out that 1t is too
warm. Just about .tepid is about the way
the angel enjoys 1t most. That's the way
you've been giving 1t to him. you say?
him to you. that you were SO considerable
and tender In the way you handle the
Door little orphans!
"Oh, guess she hasn't got hold-out
on mel just guess 1 haven't been made
monkey OFF, the man In the next room
was gurgling to himself by this time.
And I know that you will be SO careful
with the poor little pettie's baths" con-
tinued the mans wife at the telephone.
HE Is so very freakish about his bathing.
the dear! II the water Is the least bit
chilly he almost has a fit, and once when
I bathed him In water that wasn't quite
warm enough to suit his majesty the re-
sentful little dear quite refused to even
so much as notice me for two whole days
afterward! And you won't forget to battle
him only with the soap that / left with
you. win you. please? He is used to the
scent of that soap, and likes It SO much,
the brownie-eyed cutey. and wouldn't
would be If he were washed with any
other kind of SOAP for ANYTHING In this
worldi'' s3ea
"Brownie-eyed cutey. hey?" muttered
the husband in the next room, tugg1ng
fercciously at his mustache. well. may
be haven't been q good thing"
well. guess that 8 ALL" his wife at the
phone continued. sutOnly do be careful in
sc hate to havaEfis hair combed with even
suggestion oaaroughness. But know
that yoa will beTCzrefA., shall be down to
see him in a daysor, 81. Just tell the ftsy-
bout him. the sooksy.wooksy dear. Good
bye. So muchHobligel to you for taking
such nice care OF hint
And then sheIkungsup the receiver and
tripped lightly into the room where her
husband was stsidingy up and down and
grinding patluin the rug with his heels.
She rushed up Ia him with open arms ana
why. my dear sdidn,. hear you come In.
but with heavy scowI he waved her aside.
1T know blamed9 well that you. didn't hear
me come in, mFiam.s. he said to her in
sepulchral voice.o"H you'd heard me come
IL you wouldn't have gwen yourself away IN
that fashion at the telephone.
She CARED at him with an utterly mysti-
fed EXPIRE ssion iaE rss f-s-f-F ss
Now, what in the..wide world can the
man mean?" she inquired of herself. with
finger st her HplG Z was only
''Oh, you might just as well come out
and put me next to the whole story now"
her husband interrupted her. There's no
chance in life for you to fool me any longer.
I heard your whale talk at the phone. But
I'll just take the liberty to ask you
straight question, madam. IL you please.
Do you think 1t was treating me square 10
marry ,ne and not say word to me before
haxv f,,e 'Hyrn?
that I'd have objected in the least. Laura," "
he maurdered en-. but d'you think for
minute that 1t wes anywhere near on the
level for you to keep so important fact as
that from me-"
There wasn't any chance for him to get
any farther than that, for his wife was
rolling around on the couch In a yerita-
BILE ecstasy of laughter. She rolled and
rocked and swayed in her mirth. and her
hairpins fell out and her bronze hair tum-
bled all over her shoulders but she couldn't
stop laughing.
Having a swell time of 1t by your lone
some eh?'' her husband growled. go
ahead. Esiey yourself Funny as the
dickens, isn't 1t, to've fiim-fiammed your
husband In that fashion? Oh. don't mind
me-laugh TIM you bust. blame it!'
Whereupon she went off into another
series of Joyous shrieks, and only contrived
to get herself together and in shape to
talk when she saw him In the act OF grab
bling his hat to rush out of the house.
She was able to hold herself IN long
enough to remind him that she had taken
their beloved Japanese spaniel to the dog
Doctors establishment for treatment for
distemper on the afternoon Defore-and
then she was OF again.
He had to agree to stake her that even
ing to the SWEETEST dinner to be purchased
for money in Washington on condition that
she'd never breathe word of 1t as long
as she lived She got the dinner. and, of
course, she hasn't said a word about 1t.
Belt of Calm at Pacific End Of Canal.
From the National Geographic Magazine.
At the eastern extremity Of the canal the
difficulties which sailing vessel may ex-
pect to encounter will arise from super
abundance Of wind rather than a lack Of 1t.
At the western extremity, on the other
hand, these conditions will be completely
reversed.
Upon emerging from the canal into the