The San Francisco call., 1904-07-17

looked upon as a particularly useful
man, for the reason that it was not
believed that any one could get on his
blind side IonS enough to do the estab-
lishment out Of anything. while H.
Hooligan gained the reputation Of a
man who, while possessed OF a bound
less and nOn-negOtiable capital in the
shape Of good will, was an easy mark
for any one who cared - take the
trouble to fill him up with cheap cigars
and calorifed atmosphere. If the two
men started out to walk Up the street
the chances were that Diogenes, shuf-
fling along with his eyes on the ground,
as was his won't would pick up a pock-
etboOk containing seven dollars and
thirty-seven cents in cash and recipe
for making mayOnnaise salad dressing.
while II. HoOligan, striding with his
eyes lifted after the manner prescribed
by all the books on happiness. would
fall into an open cOalhOle and DO ire
parable injury to his best trousers
And he would be extremely fortunate
if he wasn't arrested for stealing coal
There are many other sad and illu-
minating incidents in the careers OF
these two men which might be cited as
throwing a large and brilliant light on
the mutability of human affairs; for
example, II. HOoHgan, believing that
things generally turn out in the best
way possible, refused to believe in the
sinfulness Of sin TO the extent of with
drawing his nest egg when he had an
inside tip that the cashier Of the saw
ings bank had been seen consulting the
time of the Montreal express and con-
sequently he was able to contribute to
the best of his ability to the hotel bills
of that Napoleon OF finance during his
indefinitely protracted stay in the Do
minion. DiOgenes, true to his estab-
ished doctrine that all flesh is weak.
especially when it Is placed IN close
contact with cold coin, made a run on
the bank at the first sign of trouble
and was IN a position TO tell III. HOOli-
gan how frail thing is human nature
when not properly watched.
In the course OF time and human
events Hooligan was advanced to the
position Of second assistant to the
secretary OF the junior partner with a
salary about large enough to make
both ends come within hailing distance
of each other as long as the coal and
beef trusts stayed quietly on the res
ervatiOn. DiOgenes. because Of his ad-
mitted unapprOachability by anything
short Of a bench warrant or a ten-foot
pole, was made a member of the Arm
and was soon promoted to the post OF
husband TO the seniors favOrite daugh-
ter. There we can leave them; II. Hoo
ligan can't afford to get away during
our absence and Diogenes doesn't
want to; ne can make more money
where he is
1t must on no account be deduced
from this sad narrative that cheer
fulness is not a valuable asset in life's
bankruptcy court; in fact. we have
demonstrated concIusively that it is
to other people. The point which we
desire to make is that a laugh is a
good thing. but it is even better to be
sure that it is the last laugh that is
coming on that particular joke. We
would also remind the universe in
general that the willing horse Is Of
ten required to make two trips a day.
while the more reluctant equine stops
for lunch and has rundown and a
bran mash when the journey Is done.