The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1904-03-26
POINTS OF ETIQUETTE
FOR ORDINARY USE.

7 EFT US say Mrs. ]. Widgin receives
an invitation to an evening recep-
ton. The invitation is in the
third person. setting forth that Mrs
Sparkins requests the pleasure of your
company on such an evening Mrs.
Widgin, let US say, cannot CO. The
correct thing. of course, is for her to
write and say, Mrs J. Widg1n regrets
greatly that she will be unable to ac-
cept Mrs. Sparkins' kind invitation for
the evening named. Now, that's
enough, and the proper form. But new
ertheless Mrs. Widgin spoils 1t all by
signing her name to it, Mrs. j. Wld-
GIN She has been stupid enough not
to heed that simplest of all epistolary
mandates. Never sign your name TO a
note written in the third person.
The letters .'R. S. V. p" which are
French for Answer If you please are
not now generally printed on invita-
lions. But all invitations to entertain
ments where there will be refreshments
must be answered This is because the
hostess will thus know how many she
needs to provide for in this twentieth
century, when every affair is so elab-
crate and costs so much Particularly
must one answer promptly invitations
to dinner, either accepting or declining.
If you cannot go the prompt declina-
ton will give your hostess time to find
another friend to take your place and
thus avoid the ugly tooth ont at her
table.
To the hospitabIe dinner giver moth
ing is more annoying than to f1nd at
the last moment that an invited guest
has neither arrived nor sent an ex-
cuse. This is an objectionable breach
of courtesy. I have known a bachelor
! host to be put out greatly because even
on the morning of a dinner he was to
give in the evening a guest found her
self too i'll to come. The bachelor host
scurried around during the forenoon to
find another to fill that dreadful vacant
hole at the table.
1t is absolutely past understanding.
too, the number of alleged well bred
persons who have offensive little ways
while eating. Yesterday was at a din
ner party. I sat next fair, pretty,
| delicate looking woman who diScourSed
1 high thought on musical art, likewise
! the limners art, and about every third
bite she took that pretty, refined look
| ing woman licked her fingers like dog
licking his paws. Fact. 1t made me SO
uncomfortable l could not enjoy the
| dinner at all. Even the low caste
Hindoo turns his back on other people
when he eats that he may not offend
| their aesthetic sense. But this woman
| who thought she was a lady boldly sat
| there and in the face of US all initiated
the table manners of a dog or cat.
| In general it is we'll to answer all in
vitations, either accepting or declining.
1t shows thoughtfulness and considera-
ton for the person giving the invita-
ton. The small courtesies of life sum
up and make a thoroughly polite and
amiable character.
Here is a point in which women are
great sinners. Many of them will send
a letter asking for information of in
terest only to themselves and entirely
for their own benefit and neglect to in
close a stamped envelope for reply.
Many time the person from whom the
| information is sought must spend con-
siderable time getting it and now and
| then spend even small sums of money
| in the pursuit, but the thankless,
thoughtless woman who desires the
favor puts not even so much as a post
stamp in her letter for reply.
A lady who is an author tells me she
has had women write her inclosing
manuscripts which they wished her in
the first place to read and criticise,
next, to get a publisher for; if not
that, then to return the precious docu-
ments, and, so far from inclosing
stamps for return postage, the recip-
lent of the fat missive had even to pay
postage due on it because the sender
had not put enough stamps on it in the
first place. Oh, the cheek of some wo-
menl
In another case one woman sent to
another a document which the receiver
must testify to the truth of before a
notary, yet not only did this woman
fail to send money to pay the notary,
but even stamps to return the docu-
ment. Always inclose stamp.
There are women who, let US hope
from lack of knowledge of business
etiquette cause their acquaintances Sc
rious loss of both time and money in
the endeavor to do them favors
KATHERINE BLADES.