Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1904-10-11
BEFORE THE PENSION SURGEONS.
Experiences Of Veteran Subjected to
Physical Examination.

DO you draw a pensfonT' said an old
veteran with a bronze button on the left
lapel of his coat to a Star reporter recently.
What for?" was the interrogative re-
Spouse of The Star man.
What forr' shouted the old vet. "Why.
for fighting for your country against the
secessionists That's what for"
The assurance that the reporter made his
advent into this vale Of tears some ten
years after the Appomattox apple tree cpl
sode had a sedative effect upon the old
gentleman's nerves, who in turn was asked
by the reporter: DO you draw a pension o.
Not yet, he said. but have put in an
application. Everybody says I'm entitled
to one. If 1 lay much stress upon what
some of my friends declare. I'm a rather
miserable invalid. with more organic dis
orders than you can find in the Emergency
hospital. I've been in the hands of the
medical examiners. however, and they put
me through course of sprouts"
Anything interesting in the process?"
asked the reporter.
Yes; all interesting" said the old soldier.
Interesting from alpha to omega. ri tell
you all about 1t. You see. when my friends
began to discover that my heart was not
humping according to schedule time: that
my rheumatism. which 1 had always
thought was aristocratic govt inherited
from my grandfather. was caught by Sleep
ing IN the Chicka hominy swamp and tina I
my liver and kidneys were not performing
thelr functions properly. 1 began to cave
ana applied for pension on the score of
bad health, and as I told you I have lust
come from undergoing physical exanina-
ton. , 80. -. = = ;
The pension office. or the pension sur
geons rooms, rather. are up here on F
street and. L reported this morning, There
was one man before me, an old gentleman
having a girth about the size of a certain
ex-President of the United States He
nf
were augmented the moment 1 set my eyes
on him. Two or three other pension apDfi-
cants appeared and soon the medical beard
opened for business.
The stout gentleman having been first on
the ground had the right of way and the
rest OF US took our turns His examina :.
ton was somewhat prolonged This prompt-
ed another gentleman who was anxious to
nave ms case attended to to ask generally,
wonder what in the devil those fellows in
there are doing?'
On. they're taking man to pieces and
putting him together again. said another
man and then they whiled time away talk
ing about war times.
We'll, my time came and when l went
into the surgeons sanctum the fat man was
struggling to get into a'sweaty undershirt:
1t was a very warm day
Il took in the doctors at a glance They
were a trio of as bright looking young men
as one would find anywhere Courteous
and pleasant brisk and business like. Be-
fore had fairly got into the room a hand
some young doctor said to me in business
like way. Take off your coat vest, shirt
and undershirt.' 1 did SO, and he went to
work while the other medicos were making
notes. He took my weight and height; ex-
amined my heart and sounded me all over
the chest; listened to my breathing looked
down my throat; did a few other things
and said, That's all l struggled back into
my garments and here + am. - i
Say said the old fellow. Il don't know
yet what the doctors report will be- but If
l get pension I shall certainly think
am afflicted with all those body infirmatives
my friends insisted upon fastening on me-
There's certainly some consolation or
should be, presume. in not getting a pen
sion. when 1t is applied for on the ground
that your physical condition is a hundred
per cent below par.