The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1904-08-04

up oO"O SoIRC, NOPPCl
tacks, and when my fingers came in
contact with them sudden inspira-
tion entered my Uranium near to where
are situated the bumps of combative-
ness and destructiveness. The professor
stood facing the window, holding his
glasses between him and the light, to
make sure that every particle of dust
and mist had been removed from them.
I have already intimated that l was
barefooted, and as the floor of the
room was covered by heavy carpet it
was easy for me to move about with
out making a noise. l stealthily
walked to the professors chair, and
put two large tacks with their points
up about six inches apart on the leath-
er covered cushion where 1 thought
they would do the most good. Then l
moved towards the door, where the
aforementioned feline of the Thomas
variety had taken possession Of anoth-
or chair. Here halted to await devel-
opments. l had hardly reached my
place of observation when the profess
sor put on his glasses, picked up the
paper, and sat down, slowly and majes-
tically, as became man of his en-
inent position in the world of thought,
on the upturned, expectant, business
ends of the tacks.
Nnuar shall T ,hof 20
The professor yelled like Comanche
Indian; then he jnmped up straight
with an agility that was truly surprising.
His head struck the ceiling; his hands
moved with the rapidity of lightning
to the afflicted spots, and hastily with
drew the offending tacks; and while he
stood there rubbing the places where
the damage had bnen done he poured
out torrent of profanity that would, in
spite Of the many obstructive "dams"
it contained, have flooded Sheol itself,
if it could have reached that interest
ing, tho somewhat torrid country.
Meanwhile l stood by the door, laugh
ing like very idiot. l had never be-
fore, nor have ever since enjoyed my
self as did that morning. l forgot
all about the tragedy enacted in our
barnyard that morning, even tho had
played an important, if passive, part
in it. danced first on one foot and
then on the other, laughing and crow
ing in my delirious joy until my sides
acbed, and shouting derisively at the
professor: "Why don't you take it phil
osophicalIy? Why ain't you a Spartan
Why don't you get fresh supply of
fortitude?"
When the perpetual chairman of the
g. n. Y. A. P. r. had at last been
forced by his slowly acting and insig-
nifcant bumps of causality to adopt
the conclusion that /, and no other
was the author of his misfortune, he
was wild with rage, and hurled the
first thing at me he could lay his hands
Oh. 1t happened to be Volume V. of a
work entitled "The Ethnology of the
Northern Central Tribes of Africa
! and contained about five pounds of as
indigestible stuff aS was ever put up
in book form. Had it struck me il
would have killed me on the spot; any
one of the long words it contained
would have finished my career there
and then. AS it was, it struck the cat
and knocked six of his nine lives Out
of him. Being two-thlrds dead, he
never looked happy again, and in less
than year he bade the professor ane
this world an everlasting farewell
The cat, by the way, was a polygamis
of the rankest type,-a regular Nor
mon, il fact; but l cannot help hoping
his fault will be overlooked in th'
great hereafter, because he took th'
blow intended for me.
When the professor saw that he hat
missed his aim he made rush for me
and 1, in order to protect myself, threw
the chair formerly occupied by the CAT
at him, and he fe.s over it and LANDED
on the floor with a crash that shool
the very foundation of the house an,
perhaps even Jared the outlying dis
tricts of the solar system. 90, what
fall was there, my countrymenw
shouted and rushed from the house
} for heard the hurried footsteps of tn
7 members of the professors household
} approaching, and thought it wise IT
! retire before superior numbers" as M