The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1904-05-30
SCHWARTZY HEARS
TONY'S TROUT STORY

sheeted rain turned the asphalt into
lake and the puzzle was to find a
single one of the brave policemen who
keep watch and guard over this our
/ beloved city. On a few corners
might be seen lone nighthawk cab
men. hunched up dolefuly under
I rubber overcoats that glistened in the
reflection of the electric light over
| head. Occasionally a pedestrian
/ passed. and his peevish oaths as he
/ treaded water through the puddles
were appropriately ACCOMPANIED by
The rain slapped against everything
/ with a grim and persistent impartial
ity--a dreary night and wet.
But within all was light and hap
piness. We sat there in serene COM
munion and dared the weather to do
its dampest Chuffey unctiously told
Schwartzy maintained that he liked
a stormy night like this, when the
pillows rolled on the vastly deep and
the Storm King ragged abroad.
Did ever tell you about that wet
night l once passed in Brooklyn %
asked Tony, in a lull of the general
weatherwise conversation.
We replied that he had never told
US that interesting anecdote and
Hawkins remarked that, all things
considered, perhaps Tony would be
comforting a favor upon US by saying
nothing about it, as he (Hawkinsl felt
I
Jude Of Tony's old story about the
| trout. and that he (Hawkins) had
heard t14aI- that trout story till he was
to have it imposed upon him again.
Is that SOP demanded Tony, ac-
centing the is
accenting the so" you and your
trout! If I was you, I'd take a day
Off and forget all about that ever
lasting trout
&c oil III
asked Schwartzy, looking blandly at
the assembled company. That is
just the right kind of a night for a
trout story. What is it 2"
"Oh, it's a crazy story about a trout
that Tony has been bowling to every
| body who would listen to him these
last ten years. Don't pay any atten-
ton to him. requested Hawkins.
| Poor old Tony means we'll, but
| And Hawkins silence was very ex-
pressive.
Wei, you know, never heard
Tony tell his trout story" demurred
| Schwartzy. Unless possibly it's the
same story as the intelligent trout who
/ loafed around the Connecticut river
just at the border line of three states,
so that when the fishing laws in one
state were more advantag''-
No. that's not it," replied Hawkins,
with decision. ''TOnys trout story is
| different from that
What is this trout story of yours.
Iony?" asked Schwartzy. Tell it to
US; there's a good chap!''
III be blowed if I'll tell it," replied
Tony, wetting his whistle in a spiteful
manner and gazing at Hawkins with
venom TN be everlastingIy blowed
if I'll tell it,
Il TX know Tony's trout story re-
marked Chuffey with a self-satfsfed
smfrk, While Tony and Hawkins look
ed him over in some surprise
Ihen what is it?'' pleaded
Schwartzy. "A good story always did
To ma +1,5-
kind of a night for a trout story. Come
now! Out with it."
DO you really want to hear it!''
asked Chuffey, in a SNUG and con
ce1ted tone, well, then, I'll tell it to
you So fill your glasses, lads, and
drink my health, for now will to you
tale unfold"
Accordingly we all wetted our whis-
ties in anticipation except Hawkins
(who put his nose in his glass with a
sorroWful wag of mis- head and Tony
| Cwho took a very vicious swig of mis-
toddy), and then we put our elbows
on the table and leaned over to hear
Chuffey's tale unfolded, except Haw-
kins (who still sorrowfully wagged his
head) and Tony (who still looked vic
flously at HaWkins).
Wei, you know" began Chuffey,
after preparatory cough. there was
once an old lady trout and
That's WrOngi" snapped Tony
who's telling this? demanded Chuf-
fey, as he set Tony with his eye.
Tut. TUT" interrupted Schwartzy
Il love to hear a good trout story and
l feel already that I shall enjoy this
one. Go on, Chuffey, I beg of you
There was once old lady trout and -
Yes" resumed Cnuffey, there was
once an old lady trout and''-
I'll be blowed if that's all right"
objected Tony again.
IAN old lady trout repeated
Schwartzy. GO on, Chuffey. and never
mind Tony. There was once an old
] on
We'll. there was once an old lady
trout" began Chuffey for the third
time "and"-
I tell you it wasn't a lady trout!'
I tell you it was.'' snarled Chuffey,
i guess I ought to know!''
"A lady trouti' sneered Hawkins.
Yes. lady trout" exclaimed
Messrs. Chuffey and Tony in unexpect-
ed chorus (Tony abandoning his point
just for the sake of cOntradicting Haw-
kins). Go on, Chuffey,' continued
Tony. There was once an old lady
trout -"
well" began Chuffey again, There
was once an old lady trout and-Oh,
you tell it, Tony, you can tell it better
than I CANT
mo, you tell it,"
No, you. Come. Man to man. Tony,
you tell itt'
Man to man. I'd like to oblige you
and if it hadn't been for Hawkins
here
I "Oh, don't mind Hawkins. As man to
man now, you don't regard Hawkins
seriously, do your"
NO, man to man, don't. But it's
irritating. you know exploded Tony
with sudden warmth
''Shucksi" exclaimed Hawkins. You
put me in mind of the man who was
so thin he could"
Never get weigh" interrupted
| Chuffey. "Chestnutsi You remind me
of the circus man who wouldn't give
the fat boy porterhouse because
TOO much at stake cried Tony.
I BAH You remind me of an old lady
1