The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1904-08-18

vulsive fits of laughter, according to
the state of mind you were in. In me
the effect was of the twofold nature
mentioned, but / think the laughing
fits rather predominated. He swore in
every known language and dialect.
Starting at "Heiiig Donnerwetter. ho
fairly flew past "Hellsndam" and all
the intermediate points till he reached
"Borru-solmutch spifffokoo", which
| believe is a Tartar expression signify
ing a desifesto see the sotject Of ones
hatred-yourself, in this case-in the
sulphurous regions where volcanic
eruptions with all the attendant disa-
greeable phenomena play a continuous
performance. Then when he noticed
that my laughter had become we'll
nigh uncomfortable, he gave mea slap
on the back, and poke in the ribs, and
called me an old fool, and told me it
was waste of time to keep you at col
lege, but that the penitentiary would
be the proper place for you. When I
advised him not to overhead himself,
he put his hands under his coat tails,
and lovingly caressed the spots where
your tacks had punctured his tires
many years ago. as if the remembrance
OF the occurrence again produced an un-
pleasant sensation. This ludicrohs ac-
tion made me laugh again, and there is
no telling to what extremes either one
of us would have went had not Mrs.
Humbug entered the room. and in
quired into the cause of the apparent
merriment of the one, and the-apparent
rage Of the other, of us two old sinners.
Prof. Humbug at once assumed his
stereotyped look of wisdom, and told
her we had been discussing punctua-
ton from a scientific point of view and
had disagreed.
Hiram, my boy, have often won
dered how it comes you never ask for
money. Most young men at college
are continually pestering their parents
for money, and I, and many of my
neighbors who know of your wherea-
bouts, ADD to whom 1 have mentioned
the fact that you never ask for money,
have almost reached the conclusion
that you are model young man. TAX
ing it for granted that the state furn-
ishes you board and tuition free of
cost, this generosity on the states part
in no wise explains how you keep your
standing with your fellow students
without the occasional expenditure of
sundry dollars and dimes. hope you
will tell me about it in your next letter.
| do not believe the young men of this
day and generation differ very much
from the young men of the past, and
even l, i'll my young days,-tho l was
by no means spendthrift-was always
put to considerable expense on ac-
count of the girls alone, not to mention
the other odds and ends that eat up
ones pocket money. Now Judge that
on account of your good looks, Your
talents, aud the experience gained in
your travels, you must be quite a
favorlte with the girls, ard while it is
without doubt pleasure to be a fa-
vorite with the fair creatures, it costs
money like the very deuce to maintain
the position-the competition for the
place is so strong and incessant. Hence
| wonder how you manage without
asking for money from home.
When | was young the girls used to
drag and pull me here and thereto
the circus, to the church fairs, to the
ice cream parlors and soda water foun.
tains, to the theatre, to the county fairs,
to the Sunday excursions to Syracuse,
and even to the funerals; and my pock-
etbook always wore 'lean and hum
cry" look. OF course, all this came to
an end when met your mother. She
always made me toe the chalk line, and
it is we'll she did, too. Your mother,
by the way, Hiram, was the most truth
full woman I have ever met. She only
told me lie once, and that single lie
she uttered to prevent nae from giving
you well deserved spanking. Now,
when you were young you were the
most inquisitive little cuss that ever
was permitted to roam at large. Over
hearing at one time our hired hands
remark about the danger that lurked
in one of our mules heels, you sneaked
off to the barn to find out if it was
true. You found out, all right. He