The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1904-03-19
HUMOR OF THE DAY.


Blobbs-"Have you ever had any ex-
perience with train robbers on your
travels?" Slobbs-"Well, I've stacked
up against a good many Pullman car
porters. "-Philadelphia Record.
Practice makes perfect. you know"
said the young woman who was playing
scales on the piano" Yes" answered
her father. who does not love music;
perfect misery. "-Washingto Star
Stubb-"Why does the chauffeur of
that terrible racing machine look so
downhearted Penn-"Some one told
him there are stars that travel at the
rate of a thousand miles a minute
Chicago Daily News.
That walking delegate sacrificed his
health in the cause of labor" Did,
eh?" Yes. He always rode, never
walked, crank nothing but champagne,
smoked forty-cent cigars, and soon got
an incurable dyspepsia. Judge.
your Baldwin apples?" Fruit Vendor
FIFTEEN cents a quarter-peck." Chronic
Shopper-Can't you sell me a quarter
peck for twelve cents?" Fruit Vendor
Yes, but not SO big quarter-peck."-
Baltimore American
Loafer-"Would you kindly gimme a
subscription, madam. for a society as
belongs tor" Lady-"What's the So
ciety?" Loafer-''It's er-welI, it's a
Public Society We enters 'ouses,
madam, for the purpose o. putin down
the drink. Punch.
PA, what is a standing invitation p"
1.-THE look in woman's eyes when she
gets into crowded car, my son, and
gazes at the men who have seats"-
Cincinnati Times-Star.
R0hhi6-E1Q M h06 1r,fr
mobile?
WiIIie-No. but, we had a mad dog once.
Chicago Record Herald.
Applicant-Say, if I lick your office boy.
can have the job?
Chief Clerk-No. This is businessmen
international politics.-Life.
gglobbs-lHe's pretty rich. isn't her
ey enough to make a fool of himself
without exciting any comment.-Philadel-
phia Record.
WI, Why don't t, you go to work work and earn
youth. IF l were to go ahead and work
what would be the use of your having
done o?"-Washington Star
Borem III p. m)-Yes. I'm a perfect
martyr to insomnia; I've tried everything
ever heard of, but I simply can't get to
sleep at night.
Miss Cutting Ssuppressing a yawn)-Did
ing to bed ?-chicago Daily News
Hewitt-Gruet says that his wife can
cook and play the piano with equal IA
Jewett-Id hate to eat her cooking
Brooklyn Life.
you say that stout chap in the oppo-
site box owes his fortune to politics?' %
-.Well, yes; he got so awfully defeated
the first time he ran for office that he
has stuck strictly to business ever since. "
Puck
Teacher-Thomas. mention a few of the
proofs that the earth is round. like an or
ange.
Tommy Tucker didn't know we had
to have any proofs, ma am l thought
everybody admitted it.-Chicago Tribune.
Patron-PH have a piece of pumpkin
pie.
Waiter-Punkin pie, yes sir.
PaJron-Pump-kin pie.
| Waiter-Oh, yes, sir. Think the Boston
pennant this year?-Philadelphi Ledger.
1.-THE taste for classical music is some
thing that comes with time and cultiva-
ton"
don't sound near as bad as they did at
| first. washington Star.
well SIR said the author. enthusiast
tically, my book is selling like hot
cakesi'
Hot cakes, eh?' remarked the critic.
! .tI can understand that heard a fell
| low say today that your book gave him
/ mental dyspepsia ''-Philadelphia Press.