The Savannah morning news., 1904-03-20
CRANKS WHO WANT
To HELP RUSSIA
HAVE ALL SORTS OF SCHEMES
AND MAKE THE RUSSIAN CONSUL
GENERALS LIFE A BURDEN.

They Besfege the Consulate in New
York and All Have Inventions,
Such as New Explosive Shells and
the Like, which They Declare
VIII Help the Russians to Wipe
the Japanese on the Map.
New York, March 19.-It is quite
true that the majority of New York
ers still sympathize entirely with ia
pan. AT the same time there are some
Russian synpathizers, especially
among the cranks.
Only the other day a man called at
the Russian consul-generals office here
with an alleged invention which he
thought would be of immense benefit
to the Russians in their fight against
their island opponents. The CONSUL
general wasn't in, and the crank talk
ed with the clerk. Here is a steno-
graphic report of the conversation that
took place:
Crank-I want to see the Russian
consul.
Clerk-He is not. in at present; he
may be here any minute.
Crank-Well, l can't wait very long,
but l must see him.
Clerk-What is it you want?
Crank-I have an explosive shell
that 1 know he needs.
Clerk--We don't have any say In
that matter Such things are settled
in st. Petersburg.
Crank-That'S all right; / am not
asking you what you have a say in,
but l know that he needs this inven-
ton of mine. This shell is a wonder
full thing. It's about as big as a cigar,
and can blow up tugs, battleships,
cruisers and any old kind of craft, and
what's more you can fire it from any
ordinary cannon.
Clerk-The experts who recommend
such matters to the Russian govern
ment are located in Washington.
Crank-Well, 1 can't go to Washing
ton. I'm in New York now, and you
people need this thing. Yes, you need
it badly, and l am here to give it to
you.
Clerk-rm sorry, but the consul
can't do anything with it. He hasn't
the power.
Crank-Well. 1 must sell this inven-
ton, and you people have the money
to buy it, and / want a good price for
it, too. 1t will do more damage than
do. OF course. 1 can't demonstrate
this matter to you. What l want TO
do is to see the Consul and explain it
to him, and he can then take the mat
ter up with your experts. They are
bound to listen. l have spent twenty
years on this thing. and it's really a
wonder.
Clerk-The only thing 1 can do is
to give you the names of our mill
foxr IL, 4.
and you can write them regarding the
matter,
Crank-Write them? Pooh! Why
they might never see the letter, and ]
know you are in need of this thing
just now. Why Napoleon lost a nj
of men because he would not listen
to the inventors of his time who had
such things as explosive shells, etc.
Clerk-Here are the names. sir, ant
If you write them 1 am sure they will
consider the matter fully.
Crank-All right. will do so. but
am sure if / seen the Consul / could
make him interested in the matter
and therefore make a quicker sale.
Clerk-Good-day sir.
In ten minutes after this man had
left the Consulate another called
when the following conversation took
place:
visitor-Is the Russian Consul in?
Clerk--No.
Visitor-When do you expect him?
Clerk-Any minute. Anything I car
do for you?
Visitor-Well. No. am an in
ventor-a mechanic, and l have in
vented a dangerous implement of war
which the Russian government needs
just now. you know. ha. ha. ha!
Clerk-Our military and naval ex-
perts at Washington consider all these
matters.
Visitor-Is that so? Well, / think
can interest the Consul in it, and let
him present the thing to his govern
ment. It's a real good thing.
Clerk-What is it7
Visitor-Well. can't explain this
matter to you: 1t Is one that takes a
long time. but 1 don't mind saying 1t
is a gun. 1t fires a terrible explosive
shell, which will do all kinds of dam
age.
Clerk-You will have to present the
matter to our Washington experts.
There are some days when the Rus
sian Consulate here has no visitors
of this sort. but not often. There is
no doubt that the visits are becoming
a great bore. but the Russian officials
always treat the cranks with the great
aat roIifepaGs Dnano