The Birmingham age-herald., 1904-10-16

tn fact that he wears a red flannel chest protictor His principal conversation is about his lumbago. He frequently min tions tn fact that he likes certain arti- cles iv food but they don't like him. Whin he comes home at night he plays with tn dog, talks pollytics with his nex' dure neghbor, puts his hat an pair iv cuffs on tn piannah sets down in front iv tn fire, kicks off his boots an dhraws on a pair iv carpet slippers an thin notices that tn wife iv his bosom is on tn prem ises. Hello, ol' woman,' he says. How 8 all ye'er throubles?' he says.
 "Wanst a year. Belinda meets him at tn dure with a flower in her hair. Well, he says, what are tn decorations about?' he says. Don't ye know what day this is?' says she. Sure says he, its Choos- dah.' Mo- but what day? I give it up. St. Pathrick's Day, Valentines Day, Pay Day. Whats tn answer?' But think I give it up Its tn annyvarsary iv our weddin'.' Oh says he, so it is. I'd clean f'rgot. That's right. I raymimber 1t well now that ye mintion it. Well, betther luck nex' time. There take that he says. An he salutes her on tn forehead an goes down in tn cellar to wurruk on a patent skid that will rivoluchionze tn grocery business. lf he suffers a twinge iv re- morse later, he tells her to take two dollars out iv tn housekeepin' money an buy hersilf suitable prsint.
 He's pleasant in tn avenin'. At sup per- havin' explained his daily maladies at full length he relapses into a gloomy silence, broken ony be such sounds as escape firm a man dhrinkin hot coffee. Afther supper, he figures on tn prop'ble market f'r rutybagy turnips. while his wife r-reads tn advertisemints iv tn theayters. lawn Drew is here this week. says she Is he? says Archybald. That's good, he says. T haven't been to a theaytre since Billy Emerson died he says. I hate tn theaytre. It aint a bit like rale life as see 1t in business hours he says. Afther awhile whin Belinda be- gins to tell him thrlllin says-she about wan iv tn neighbors, he lapses into a pleasant sleep, now an thin arousin him silf to murmur: 'Um-m.' At nine o'clock he winds tn clock, puts tn dog out fir tn night, takes off his collar on tn stairs an goes to bed. Belinda sets up little later an dhreams Richard Hard ing Davis wrote book about her
 But tn five years ar-re up at last Wan mornin' Archybald is glarin' firm behind a newspaper in his customary jaynia1 breakfast mood, whin his wife says: Where will sind yeer clothes?' Whats that?' says he. Where dye live to-mor- rah?' Don't be foolish, or woman. What dye mean% says he. T mean says she, that tn lease has expire. At tin-thirty today, 1t r-runs out. I like ye Archybald but I think I'll have to let ye go. Tn property has r-run down. Tn repairs haven't been kept up Ye haven't allow ed enough fr wear an tear. It looks too much like Q boardin' house. I'm goin' into tn market to prospect f'r a husband with all modhren Improvements. says she.
 Well, wudden't that be a jolt fir Archybald? Ye bet he'd beat tn quarther mile record to tn jooers He'd haul out op pitchers iv himsilf as he was tn day he won his threasure an ned hurry to a beauty upholsterer an say: Make me as like that ,nere Apollo Belvydere as ye can without tearin' me down altogether. It wud be fine. He'd get her back may be but 1t wud be a struggle. An afther that about a year befure tn conthract expired again, ye'd see him pickin' pur- pie ties out iv tn shop window, buyin' theaytre tickets be tn scoor an stoppin' ivry avenin at a flower shop to gather a bunch W violets. He'd hire a man to nudge him whin his birthday came around an ivry time tn annyvarsary iv tn weddin occurred. he'd have a fire wurruks display firm tn front stoop. Whin he'd succeeded in con-vin-cin' tn objeck iv his affections that she cud put up with him fir another five years, they cud go on their weddin' journey. Ye'd read In tn pa-apers: Misther an Mrs. Archybald Fullets were married again las night be tn presidint iv tn First Ma tional Bank. They departed on their twelfth weddin' journey followed be a shower iv rice firm their grandchildren. It wud be fine. I hope George Whats his-name puts it through"
 'Ye don't believe wan wurrud ye say" said MT. Hennessy.
 "P'raps not" said MT. Dooley "In me heart I think If people marry it ought to be fir life. Tn laws ar-re altogether too lenient with thim."