The Minneapolis journal., 1904-08-27

The Austin Herald brings to hand the
interesting story Of the adventures of two
Austin ladies in search Of the Fount Of
Youth. They had read in magazine
glowing advertisements of a Kentucky ex-
ternal complexion beautif1er. The company
had SO much confidence in the goods that
they offered to send the beautiier free of
all charges if 1t did not do as advertised.
The girls sent for quart Of the magical
elixir. 1t came and they began at once
a vigorous attempt to rip off 'freckles,
tan, moles, warts and to beautify the
neck" After keeping faith with the stuff
for some weeks they were unable to de-
tect any change In their countenances or
necks. The same old freckles and tan
still made their homes there, perhaps
slightly FURNISHED and brought into yet
greater prominence by the Kentucky
elixir
Then a bill came along for the goods
The ladies promptly wrote back that the
goods hadn't made good. A return mail
brought them blank affidavit to fill out
In which they were to swear that the elixir
of beauty had not removed a, single
freckle, that the tan was no lighter that
their yellow necks were no whittier, etc.
This affidavit, the company stated, must
be acknowledged before s. D. Catherwood.
!! If this were not done or the money sent
lat once suit would be started in the dis
| trict court.
Visions Of themselves on witness stand
in a crowded courtroom, Of being cross
examined as to their freckles or yellow
necks by Lawyers Lafayette French or
T. H. Pridham threw the ladies into a
cold perspiration. They also disliked to
swear before S. D. Catherwood 1t seemed
coarse.
So they sent on a crisp, rattly paper dol
lar by the next mall and the Kentucky
Skin Beautiaer people doubtless found a
1 use for it,
i Don't be discouraged. There are nine
weeks of good summer left yet, and ther
! comes the Indian summer and autumn
4 followed by fall, after which cold weather
4 sets in, and the furnace starts UP. Thanh
4 fortune you are not living gins Nebra ska
I where Doc Bixby's cow had a horn frosted
! last winter.
4 Professor l. G. Miller. principal of the
J Frakville, Pa, high school, is In trouble
because of the habit that has grown upon
him of hugging the larger girls of his
j school. Miss Edna Miller, aged II years
J the pretty daughter of an Episcopal cler.
gyman, testified that Miller hugged hel
every chance he got, and she lost si2
weeks from school at one time purposel1
to avoid him. Miss Viola Purnell testi
fed that she had to quit school because
she could not bear Miller's hugging pro
J pensities. Miss Annie Curry and the Other
female teachers declared that they had tc
I guard themselves constantly to keep ou,
of Miller's clutches. There are twenty
!! witnesses who will appear against Miller
in court.
1 In a case like this President Roose
A velt's trust remedy is about the best
I thing-namely, publicity.
I The courts and the papers will see
8 to that.
n & -Ls ~
I An Austin, Mimi, corngrower has il
/ all figured out that the late crops are
q absolutely safe. This is his argument:
1 "The moon was full the 25th of thi:
4 month, and will not be full again unit
4 the oath of September AS we did not ge
i frost before the 25th Of this month W.
" will not get any before the oath Of Sep
tember, and that will give the corn
: splendid chance This rule I have neve
! known to fail"
Z Since Old Man Foster fell down on tina
week Of bad weather he predicted, ou
faith in climate tinkerers has been weak
We hope the Austin man is right. u
farmers are holding the thought for
late fall
If those man-kites, where a man |
stretched out on a gigantic frame an,
made to look like great bat are
success at flying, man with a bay win
dow will be at a decided disadvantage
Did you ever see the turkey gobbler tr
to fly when the hawk swoops over tn
barnyard?
The Superior Telegram-jealous, per
haps-states that the ST. Louis count
fair held at Duluth was failure Th
late Editor Barrett Of Eveleth once de
scribed ST. Louis county fair thus
The total exhibits consisted of a pump
kin and pig. During the night the pi
broke out Of his pen, got outside of tn
, pumpkin, and then scooted for Wiscon
SIM That ended the fair
Judging by the looks of the pasture
around Duluth, this pig must have bee
9 pigiron. Still, we have warm feelin
? for Duluth. About twenty years ago W
, lost $50, 900 by not buying lot there.
: least, that's what the gentlemanly re;
estate agent told us. A. ]. R.
!, CRITICISM FOR YOUNG sousA
] when I was a boy in Washington