The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1904-04-17

k2A observed Judge Twinkle as he
IXN1I sank into the depths of a huge
leather chair. lit is for the
silent and unconsidered bone in the dog
fight that the war dispatches lead us to
almost believe is now waging along the
banks of the Yau far away. Forgotten
little Korea has the squirmy thinking part
in the thrilling, real tank drama now play
inc one night stands all over the slant
eyed Orient.
- There, there. never mndr says brave
little Japan to Korea. I'll protect you
But 1 don't want to be protected says
Korea
''Oh yes you do says brave little ia
pan You're weak and foolish nation,
and 1 won't you imposed upon. Be-
sides, l need the space you take up on the
map L want room to spread. says Japan.
Il have painful surplus of Geisha girls
and Harvard graduates that l must get
rid of at any cost.
Rest easy. little Korea says Amer
fca's old friend, Russia. I'll see that no.
body gives you the worst of it but me-
But / want TO be let alone says Korea.
oh. no you don't says Americas old
friend. Russia. What you want is fine,
hungry bunch of cossacks in every village
10 collect your taxes and send them TO st.
Petersburg. All we ask in return for this
kind service is your seaports aud anything
else we may find lying around loose. We
are purely disinterested.'
'yamoose. or I'll gouge you.' says brave
little Japan TO Americas old friend. Russia.
You're interfering with the progress of
civilization. I'm in this philanthropy bus
mess for keeps. and Ill not see my little
friend Korea bothered. Anyway, l saw 1t
first,'
- out of me way says Russia. I'm in
terfering in the name of humanity and be-
cause l need the money. If you don't scat
ter I'll knock your head off in the interests
of benevolence and peace
'Whurroor yells brave little Japan,
and lands a fine wsIlop. right in the thick
of the whiskers. when Americas old
friend. Russia. isn't looking Then they
go at it. tooth and toenail, and when they
get through there won't be enough left of
Korea to chink up crack. Manchuria
will look like bottom meadow in plow
time, and the Emperor of Korea will be
playing seven-up with the Empress of
decent heather burial.
cere the handshake of a politician or
any other green goods man. When two of
the powers go TO war over 'encroach-
ments on neutral territory L feel certain
without looking into the facts at ALL that
the disputed zone belongs to wobbly-
sprinkled with gold mines. fringed with
valuable seaports, or else consists of
mighty rich grazing land.
personally, L won't a pinch of
hlOwS of
the ocean. leaving a mere jagged hole in
the water where the land of cherry bios
SONS used to be. Likewise | won't give
hang If Japan buries Russia under her
own snow drifts / can't seem to get
properly mushy over either bear or bull
dog. They are both out for what there is
in IL. and may the best beast win
There Is small choice between them.
anyhow The only Japanese gentleman
ever knew right we'll skinned me out of
$50 on about quarters worth of real Sat
suma ware made in Hoboken. understood
then why they call these innocent children
OF the rising sun the Yankees of the
Orient. and I've since heard that the little
brown merchants can give the original
Yankee cards and spades on the wooden
nutmeg idea l once hired Russian. a
nobleman and political refugee on his own
confession. 10 curry my horse, and one day
he ran away with the harness From what
I've since learned | am lucky that he didn' I
take the horse. L have had several of bot n
breeds i'm court before me and / am con-
WINGED they are both just people like
Americans Oi any DOuy else, and all the bpt-
ter for a little watching. The only thing
either of them wants Is the best of IL
up to now, as L have intimated all the
agonized sympathy my present state of
health viii allow has been worked off on
nervous and shivering Korea She still
needs IL, but at present / am trying to for
get all about the horrid war for the sake
of my temper. I'm tired of finding out on
Tuesday how the Japs bottled UP Port Ar
thur again. and of reading on "Wednesday
how they didn't.
That's the aggrav3tng part of IT. / can
stand the fish story. the campaign lie. the
tax statement and other necessary forms
OF prevarication, but the wastefuI mem
dacity OF the war news must make the
shade OF old Ananias wonder why he was
struck dead. You get up one morning and
gasp over tale of Japanese heroism, by
way OF Toxic. that makes Arnold Winkei-
.ried and the bundle of Austrian spears he
gathered into his breast seem as paltry as
the wooden policeman in Punch and Judy
show. You grab your paper the next
morning and find out, by way of ST Pc
tersburg, that II never happened. This is
a shock.
What / want is a paper that prints only
the Toxic correspondence. not because
am st all pro-Japanese. but because they
have so much better imaginauons In Toxic
and che dispatches from that point make
so much better reading. The ST Petersburg
bellishments that lift a bald-headed whop-
per into the realms or respectable fiction