The labor world. [volume] (Duluth, Minn.) 1896-current, 1904-07-09

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SERMONS N*:sLANG FOR THE
FOURTH AND THE DAY AFTER:
What If an Eye Is Missing, and Fingers
:, are Minus, Just Think Of all the Fun
We Had. Think of the Excitement
Of the Day. Humorous Stories of the
Fourth as It Was Spent About the
And once more passed the Glorious
Fourth, when Young America is given
to spreading himself over the broad
land and to making his presence mani
fest by sundry loud and nerve-racking
explosions, which arlyeth the young
into Mysteries of delight and the old
into the cellars and other places of
safety, where, with the aid Of ear
muffs and towels tied around their
heads, they are enabled to secure a
little peace and quiet. The callow
youth of Duluth that is called the
Zenith City bloWed in all his spare
cash and all his fathers and mothers
spare cash and likewise blowed off
several of his superfluous fingers and
perhaps few odd eyes and ears. He
cometh out of the celebration looking
like unto a bunch of Cossockc after his
argument with the Japs, but his heart
is filled with triumph, even if his body
is racked with pain. What if an eye
is missing, did he not blow old Mrs.
Perkins tabby cat thirty feet in the
air with a cannon cracker? Why
should he mourn the loss Of three
fingers when the cur dog of Simpkins,
the corner grocer made a three mile
run with a pack of fire crackers tied
to his tail in II minutes? Suppose he
did get arrested and hao of fine of $2.45
to pay, had he not the satisfaction of
knowing that he threw the entire Old
Woman's Home into a panic when
he threw the cannon cracker over the
fence into the yard where they were
watering the flowers? And thus sum-
ming up his triumphs he goeth willing
ly to the hospital for repairs and
cometh out in few weeks looking like
he had been mixed up in railroad
collision and a gasoline-stove blow
off combined. But he careth not for
Young America is patriot, and unlike
his father, hath not his patriotism
shaken by the vainly seeking office
which he would not get. And the man
who manufactures the noisy. wherewith
for the hot time doth grow rich, and
the common people rave and write let
ters to the newspapers and inquire if
there is a police force attached to the
town, and if so, where is it slumber-
ing ETC.? And there is much doing
in the growl and complaint line, and
when night hath come the sky is red
dened with a blaze Of fire works, and
"the rockets red glare" mingleth with
{ the burning stable and superheated
barn curing a. ANN . oth Jubilee eaof.
~ ae1slGa,;1.
young eifJ6 ofs
"celebrat ton; and 4 while the young
sendeth UP the: fireworks the not-so-
young putteth down the fire water
and goeth' on colossal souse, and,
after wandering about, Dragging about
his Bunker Hill ancestry, falleth by the
wayside and is either hauled home with
his feet gracefully dangling out of
the cab window or goeth asleep in
some friendly ash-barrel and remaineth
in blissful s1umber until the dawning
Of the day after. Meanwhile the fresh
young man, who knoweth not enough
about fire works to fill a large vacant
lot, hath officiated' as chief pyrotechnist
at the suburban display, and after
dropping the first lighted roman candle
among the packing-case of explosives
that have been purchased by popular
subscription, hath been gathered to the
| morgue, and the display hath been
witnessed from afar by the contributors
from behind tree stun1ps, garbage
boxes and back gates.
And the: next day the newspapers
teemed with stories of the day and
their columns reek with gladstone tales
of the finish of the junior population,
also with the doings of the elders, etc.,
as gathered from the police court sta
tistics. The obituary columns, with the
turned rules on the inside pages, are
three times their usual length. and
many beautiful little gems, of which
the following are few samples, are
displayed:
Little Willie bought a cracker,
It was filled with dynimite;
He lighted it and too long fingered
| Now he's feeling "out of sight,.
| In the backyard Tommy Simpkins
Loaded up his fathers gun;
| It was an old-tin1e army musket-
Tommy fired it just for fun.
| just as Tommy had expected,
| 1t raised a most awful row,
But his papa, mamma and sisters
! All are wearing mourning now.
Johnny Jones-his sister Sue;
Big firecrackers-just a few;
| Loud explosions folks nerves racg;
! Two hearses and dozen hacks.
Siss! Bang! Boom!
Preachers, tprayers-
Sammy's climbed
The golden stairs.
| Dynamite cracker,
Round and red,
Swatted Charlie
| On the head.
His fate was sad