Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1904-07-01
y S1ISHfS


awfully scared to-day. John and I were
out taking walk, and we met the min
lister, and John asked him to join us.
Skinfint-If anything should happen
to me, dearest, you will be all right
I've just insured my life. But sup
pose nothing does happen to your
Life.
First Boarder-What's that loud
humping noise in the kitchen? Second
Boarder-It's the landlady hammering
the steak and wishing it was the beef
trust.
Mrs. Casey-The 6octhor says We
hov appendicitis, Tim. Mr.. Casey
Och, Norah, Norah! whoy wor ye so
foolish az to show him yure bank-book
Judge.
Jemima-Why does dat Paderoosky
McGinnis wear his hair so long? Mi
nerva-Why, don't yer know dat he's
de champeen mouth-organ player Of de
block Chicago Daily News.
'aThe reason I can't get along with
my wife is that she wants to submit
all our differences to arbitration" ''To
arbitration?" Eyes. She always wants
to refer disputes to her mother"
"Great gunsr' exclaimed the absent
minded man: 'I just stuck the lighted
end of this cigar in my mouth" How
fortunate you were in discovering it
at once, DEAR" rejoined his good wife.
woman is naturally of a clinging
nature" observed he. "Yes," rejoined
his wife, ''but she isn't to be compared
with man when it comes to holding
on to five-dollar bill."-New Yorker.
Grinnand Barrett - What cured
Cawlboy of his desire to be a TRACE
dian? Irving Henry-The open-air
treatment He walked home from
Fon-du-Lac with the thermometer at
zero.-Ex.
Mr.. Meddergrass- yer sendin'
the sheep to, Bill? Mr.. Ragweed-
Why. my son Zeb's up to college tryin'
fur sheepskin, he says, and I'm goin'
ter surprise him with a hull critter.-
Chicago Post.
DR.. ketchum-By Jove! These cab
companies certainly know how to
charge. His Whichever mind. dear.
It's lucky that the president of the
company is a patient of yours
Brooklyn Life.
Mrs. Cobwigger- your husband
thinks his position in society is now
secure? Mrs. Newrich-Yes. He is SO
sure about it that he has stopped hir-
ing a dress suit, and is having one
made to order-Judge.
Amateur-This is my latest attempt
at landscape. May 1 ask what you
think of the perspective? Artist-The
perspective is its strong point. The
further away you stand the better it
looks.-Chicago Tribune.
Mr.. Chic-My automobile nerves
didn't cut any dash at all at the sana-
torium. Mrs. Chic-Why not? Mr..
Chic-Oh. the doctors were all wildly
enthusiastic over a man who has fly
nerves.-Puck.
The importunate lover had just pro-
posed. LET your answer be a vowel,
with a consonant on either side of it,"
he gently begged her. The charming
girl smiled. every WE'LL" she said.
"Gitv'- v'-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
A child thrust: "You never saw my
hands as dirty as that said mother.
to her little S-year-old
girl. "'Cause 1 never saw you when
you were a little GIRL" was the prompt
Glasgow Evening Times.
'In India BARRIERS rank high. Social
ly they are the equals of the priests"
Say, where do poets come in over
there?" "Same place they do here"
where's that?" among the illustri-
Gus ead."-Chicago Record-Hera.d.
Teacher-In the sentence, Mary
milks the cow" what is the word cow?
Johnny-Cow is a noun, feminine gen.
der, and stands for Mary. Teacher
What nonsense! Why does COW stand
for Mary? Johnny-So Mary can tend
to the milking.
Van Dauber-So old Gotrox fell in
love at first sight with that impossible
Jones girl. Why, she is perfect
freak! Friend-Just so. Do you know,
old chap, it wouldn't be a bad idea to
get the old boy around to look at your
pictures.-Puck.
Noozy-Then you don't believe in
man marrying his deceased wife's SIS
ter? Henpeck-Well, 1 certainly be-
lieve that a man who would rush into
a thing like that doesn't deserve to
have lost his first wife at all.-Phila-
deIphia Ledger.
Good morning. said the old gentle
man. "I'd like to look over some Of
Your spectacles." ''Yes, sir" replied
the clerk, absent-mindedly, that's
what most Of our customers do. It's
Just as good as looking through them"
Ledger.
As a sergeant was bawling out his
orders in a barracks in Dublin and
watching the line Of feet as the new
endeavored to obey the word
Of command, he found, to his astonish-
ment, that one pair Of feet. more notice
able on account of their extra large
size. never turned. Without taking his