Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1904-05-20
.Sk<tsee<<e<<<<Se<<ee<es
CHIPS AND RAGS
BY luE 7, VERNON.
- OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES.

- - . - ~
Fortune seldom knocks at the doc
OF the knocker.
The biggest part of tue Puyallu]
Valley Tribune is its head plate.
About the best curative propertie:
OF most springs is the advertising
given them.
1t is better for man to be anchored
to his wife's apron strings than strand
ed on the bar.
Judging from its local news the
Auburn argus wouldn't make a very
good watchman.
Some men never laugh at theil
own jokes. But you can't blame
them for that, quite often.
The ordinary table talk of these
days has degenerated into three D's-
Disease, Domestics and Dress.
When there is a sign Fresh Paint
on building, every one touches it .o
see if it is dry. Its human nature.
Precaution must be taken with
water nowadays. Boil it, filter it,
sterilize it-then drink Olympia beer.
When some men walk down the
street dressed in a new suit of clothes
everybody begins to inquire; "Whose
dead?"
A great many people devote their
time largely in getting people into
trouble, and then resting after their
exertions.
A marriage without love and a
steam boiler without q safety-valve
indicate that some one is going to get
blown up.
About the only fault we have no.
ticed in the popular written W hile-y you
wait novels these days is that the
covers are too far apart
II. L., Gate City-You ask lis what
part of speech is the word marriage" D."
Its a subordinate conjunction, you
dosasted fool; that's what it is.
1t is hard to say which is the bigger
fool: the man who always get fooled
by a woman, or the woman who al
ways fools herself into believing that
she fools the man.
The bird clock in a certain saloon
here would be ashamed if it only knew
what some wives said about it, when
their husbands told them they only
dropped in to see it.
An exchange IN concluding a write.
up of wedding says: She has
married one man out of u thousand" !"
Well, how many did you expect her
to marry; two or three?
Governor Sparks, of Nevada, has
had new railroad town named after
him. 1t is near Reno, Nevada, on the
line of the Southern Pacific railway,
and is called Spark City.
An Olympia man told his wife he
could pick her out of a crowd. any
time, just by her style. His wife said
she didn't wonder at this, as she had
had the same best" dress for the last
five years.
Seven books OF grammar, about four
centuries old, have just been sold in
London, England, for 5000. There
are several boys in our city who have
brand new grammars that they are
willing to give away.
A statistician says that considerably
more than one.half the worlds popu-
lation is feminine. Ridiculous! If
that were so, how would he account
for the accepted assertion that one.
half the world doesn't know how the
other half lives?
Mascagni says he has closed his
shop and will never compose again.
Without any irreverance to the great
musician, we would say that there are
few on the Pacific Coast who might
we'll follow Mascagni's resolution with
good effect to the public.
A bridegroom asked his wife, COM
ing from Tacoma to Olympia on the
train the other day, if she cared if he
went into the smoker. He said he
wanted to experience the agony OF be.
ing away from her, so that the joy Of
his return would be all the more in
tensified.
When an Olympia boy started out
in life his father gave him this ad-
vice: "It always pays to be polite
and gentlemanly." We are satisfied
that dad was wrong. 1t all depends
on circumstances. 1t don't pay to be
polite and gentlemanly to a great
many people.
Levy's brother died in Chicago, the
other day. The undertaken telegraphed
to Levy: "What shall do with the
body? l can embalm it for SO dolls,
or freeze it for 80 dols." And Levy
telegraphed back: "Freeze it from
the knees up for 20 dolls, he had his
feet frozen last winter"
No doubt Governor Pardee, OF Cali
fornia, said "Sacree" when he found
he had been touched for his small
change while attending a convention.
Even Governors, it seems, are not