Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1904-05-05
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the mistress. ''Oh. | loike yer looks,
num-" said the applicant. AN | won't
ask yer for references"
Bobbles-W What does this author
mean by saying that the hero had
''wcll-carved' features: hobbies
Perhaps he shaved himself.
Il wonder what makes my eyes so
weak" said an ultra Radical once to
Mr.. Disraeli why. they are in a
weak place" said the latter.
Little Willie-Say, pa how does IN
army scour the country? Pa-Wnh
brushes. my son. Little Willie--With
brushes: Pa-Ics. brushes with the
enemy.
May-Did Clara's husband leave
her much when he died? Belle He
i left enough to make her comfortable.
but not enough to get her a second
husband.-Life.
Waiter-Will you try a course din
ner? Country Groom--No. sir: no
coarse dinner for us. Bring us in the
finest one you've got. We don't come
down to the city every day: do we.
Matilda!
| He--Do you know. dear. was just
upstairs looking at baby. and be
lieve she has got your hair. She
(springing up)-Good gracious.
thought l had put that switch out OF
the chid's reach!
Did you ever see the Dardanelles
while you were in EuropeY' NO"
| answered Mr.. CumroX. You see, we
were so busy sightseeing that we
didn't have time to call on any OF our
| friends. "-Washngton Star.
First Boy-And because you couldn't
find penny to pay the fare. did the
| conductor make you get off the omni-
bus and walk? Second Boy-No, he
only made me get off | could have
sat in the road if | wanted to- Tit.
Bits.
"A tall bride is the best-louking.
don't you Think "Well." replied the
titled Englishman who had caught On
to a little American slang. 80 far M
| am personally concerned. | certainly
am not looking for one who is short"
Chicago Evening Post
The army officer looked with dis.
pleasure at the soiled sheet of paper
that had been handed him. That's Il
measly looking document" he ex-
claimed. Eyes, sir" said the subor.
dnate. touching his hat. ITS the
sick list. Chicago Tribune
Edyth-Yes. yon see she told the
count that her fathers partner had
robbed him of nearly all his wealth,
just to test his love for her. Mayme--
And then? Edyth-He asked her for
a letter of Introduction to the daughter
of her fathers partner.-Chicayo
News.
JOHNNY wish my folks would
agree upon one thing and not keep
me all the time in worry. Tommy
What have they been doing now?
Johnny-Mother won't let me stand
on my head, and dad is all the time
fussing because wear my shoes ont
so fast.
Mistress returning from holiday
Why, Bridget, whatever has become
of the parrot? Bridget--Well, You SEQ.
mum, after you left it looked bit
pining like and didn't talk much, so
the cook and put 1t out of it's misery.
poor thing. and l had it stuffed for
my new 'at.-Judy
They say" said Mrs. Oldcastie,
that Mr.. Faddlethwaite. who used
to belong to our church. has become
an agnosic" rs that so? Josiah
used to take his lunch ut the same
place he did down town. and he says
he often warned him that he'd yet it
if he didn't give up eatin' so fast
Chicago Record II erald.
Hallit-What's the matter. Klay:
You look all tired out? Klay-And no
wonder. I've had a hard day of 1t.
don't know when I've worked so hard
| looked at the men clean up the rail
road station this morning and nfte,
that | saw three safes raised into four
story windows. and four loads of coal
delivered in Dissatisfaction Tran
script.
They had been married only three
short weeks. and he was actually in
terested in his paper ut the dinner
table. Darling" she began in tone
meant to be reproachful, do you love
me just as much as you ever did,"
Sure thing" he answered briefly
She ought to have been satisfied to
let 1t go at that. but she wasn't.
"Whyf" she asked. Don't know"
he replied. Just fool habit rye got
into, | suppose" Then for seveute IN
consecutive seconds silence reigned
supreme.-ChicagO News
At the first performance on the uew
church organ no one in the audience.
was better pleased than the maid en-
plOyed in the organist's family. so
you liked the music, did you. Nary"
said the organist the next morning.
reports of her enthusiasm having
reached his ears. "Oh. it was lust
grand" replied Mary, THE grandcst
ever heard" What did you Ike
best?' asked the organist moved hy
the glowing eulogy. "Oh don't know
that" said Mary. But there was ono