davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1904-02-05
The Mockerv of Fate.

There is in. salt Lake a tall hand
some youth who writes for a news
paper. He does this not 50 much be-
cause he likes to write a. because he
needs the money that his literary en-
deavOrs enable him TO coax from the
cashier once week. Well, this youth
has lately taken q violent fancy to q
charming young lady of Salt Lake
a young lady prominent in society and
used TO many comforts, not to say lux
uries. In order to put up what ne con-
siders an adequate front while baskiflE
in the sunshine of his lady's presence
the young man has been forced 10 re
strict his expenses. including his outlay
for provisions. and uses the money
saved TO glOrify his apparel. AS a re-
suit he has been tossing a dime each
evening. Heads means he omitS the
midnight lunch and takes car home
Tails signifies that he visits the lunch
wagon at The corner. absorbs ham
burger sandwich and walks home.
Tails won a couple of nights ago ana
he purchased the hamburger With the
dimes worth of food in his hand the
young man stepped out of the wagon.
The pavement was icy and he fell with
much violence. As he arose an ac-
Quaintanee came along. This acquaiDt-
ance was the brother OF the charming
young lady referred TO. lust what this
brother was doing out at that hour Of
the night is not clear, but there he was.
He said howdy-do as the newspaper
youth scrambled up, and passed on.
The next afternoon the telephone bell
in the Office rang and a sweet voice in
quired for the tall boy. He came.
Hello" said his lady's voice, 'is this
you?" 1T certainly is" replied the
lad. as ne cheered up.
How are you feeling?" was the next
query.
Pretty we'll"
you're all right AGAIN."
"AH right again? What do YOU
mean?"
why. I heard you rad an accident. %
Heard I had an accident? what
do you mean?"
why. / heard you slipped and fell
down the steps Of your hotel last
night"
Let us not 90 into this further. The
promising youth acts very much like
a man going to the dogs. Talk about
hard luck, now, and wonder why il is
newspaper men are sometimes accused
of drinking! Who wouldn't?
Needless to say, It's ell of, but that
brother would do well TO see that his
life insurance is all right before he
wanders down town again.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1904-02-05
MISPLACED LEmIERcY.

THERE Is SMALL COMFORT for
those who would break M the
MASKING habit ia the action of Judge
Dienl in finding four alleged Washers
guilty and then letting them off with
reprimand. If they were guilty they
should have been punished very much
more severely. II they were innocent
they did not deserve the reprimand. II
may be argued that the offenders were
boys and that the Washers who are
most offensive are full grown men.
Even so the cuiprils should have
been punished. They are OLD enough
10 know the difference between right
and wrong; they are old enough to
know that they were very insulting to
several women Reprimands can avail
nothing in such cases. The thing those
boys needed worst, always assuming
they were guilty as charged was Il
sound thrashing. As 1t was impossible
for them to be thus punished, the next
best thing was fine
True. somebody else might have been
obliged TO pay their fines for them. bus
that somebody else. or those some
bodies, would have been very careful
90 see 80 it that the boys insulted no
more women. IF we are to have a seri-
Gus crusade against 'mashings some
serious penalties must be imposed. An
example must be made OF some Offend
CT and no amount Of whining and beg
ging and pleading should be permitted
% save them.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1904-02-05
\ RED oNIoN DEFEMoER.

HOUNCILMAN HOLIDAY Of the first
y precinct seems to have taken a
brief for the defense in the case Of the
city against the RED onion saloon and
its gambling house attachment. He
also comes TO the defense Of the notori-
Gus Bruce johnson, for which he is not
to be congratulated Up TO date Hob
day is the only man who has had the
pure nerve 10 defend Johnson. Ia his
remarks on the subject ne waxed eIo-
quent. thus:
Il have not found one man of any
standing who favors revoSing the IL
cense. I can find lots of tin horn gam
blers who say revoke the license. They
have it in for Bruce Johnson. What,
in the name OF God. have they got it in
for Bruce Johnson for?1
From Mr.. Holidays remarks Il is fair
20 infer that he is much more familiar
with the sentiments Of those he de-
dominates tin horn gamblers than he
IS with the sentiments Of reputable citi-
zens. We recognize the fact that the
inference is not very hattering 70 Mr..
@---f-te%s ffNt w AAt447L +tAeN II II pei
fectly fair. We insist. too. that he has
act made any canvass among reputable
citizens, that is, no extensive canvass,
DIT he would have been able to ind some
who favor the revocation Of the Red
Onion license and the license of every
other disorderly resort in salt Lake
City.
what have they the tin horns) got
il in for Bruce Johnson for2" Mr. Heb
DAY inquiries. Why shouldn't we give
the tin horns credit for sickening at
some forms OF vice and depravityg But
be that as il may. Bruce Johnson is
enough TO sielen them as he has sick
eued reputable people throughout the
city. with the possible exception of Mr..
HOLIDAY. And while we are on the sub
ject We would venture a suggestion
that might solve the problem.
1t was stated before the council that
there is not enough evidence against
the Red Onion saloon TO warrant the
revocation Of its license. Wen. there
IS plenty Of evidence that a gambling
house is being operated as an adjunct
to the Red Onion. The saloon derives
its chief support from the gambling
house. The gambling house is being
operated in defiance Of the law. Why
not suppress the gambling house?
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1904-02-05
REAL ssoRTsmAHsHlP.

II ANOTHER COLUMN viii be found
notice from the Bear River Duck
club to the effect that its grounds will
be closed to hunters during the open
season authorized by the last legisla-
ture, extending from Feb. Is to March
Is. That is to say, the Bear River club
absolutely refuses to do any spring
duck shooting or permit it on its
grounds. although the law expressly
provides for a spring season.
The Herald records this fact with
great pleasure. Spring duck shooting is
not sport-it is slaughter Of ducks, de-
struetion of the females during the
breeding season, when they are unfit
for food, and #. persisted in viii event
uanv destroy the magnificent duck
shooting which Utah enjoys. The law
should never have been changed so as
to permit spring shooting. and The Her
aid hopes it wiz be amended by the
next legislature.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1904-02-05
suTLER AeAIN ON TIA.

THAT NAN FOLK, Joseph W Folk,
i prosecuting attorney in ST. Louis,
simply win nof let Millionaire Ed But
Ter alone. Butter. having been set free
5y the supreme court OF Missouri on
technically IN one case is being tried
On another charge. The evidence sub
mitted by the prosecution has shown
eonelgsively that Butler IS a bride Civ
sr; that ne paid members Of the coun-
ellis Doodle combine very liberal
amount Of money to secure the passage
81 . lighting ordinance.
Ia the face Of the testimony. clear
Though it was, the attorneys for But
ler moved FOR a dismissal The court
IN refusing to grant the motion said
Il would be travesly on justice" to
take the ease from the jury. It ap-
gears that Butler is Cue TO be convicted
again. And it is not altogether sure
chat the supreme court win not re-
lease him again. possibly on the theory
mat the council had no right TO pass
the lighting ordinance paid for by
Butter.
Mr. Folk can be depended upon 10
keep everlastingly after the beodlers
until he lands them in the peHitenti-
airy, no matter how strong their in
9uence with the courts CT Missouri and
with the governor OF New York may
be. He knows his duty and he is going
70 co st regardless OF who the oulprits
are. For all Of which we make our
bow 10 Mr.. Folk. II there were more
prosecutors ike him there would be
fewer infractIons Of the laws.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1904-02-05
zee oHAMsERLAIn pRoeRAMME
JOSEPH cHAMBERLAIN's pro

/ JOSEPH CHAMBERLAIN pre-
] grRmme for a return to protective
duties in Great Britain has apparently
brought the tory party To the verge Of
defeat ia parliament. The report Of
the opening session OF the house Of
commons Indicates very clearly the
probability that the conservative gov
eminent wiz be compelled to dissolve
and appeal to the country before long
because it cannot rely upon a majority
sufficiently strong to continue in power.
Three months ago. when Chamberlain
was appealing to the country constit-
uencies for support, he was met with
an enthusiasm that promised 10 sweep
everything before it. Doubtless much
Of this was due to the personality Of
che colonial secretary himself, re-
inforced BY the prestige Of the Boer
war and the determination Of the South
African republics, 50 that the audacity
Of his proposal and the force with which
he presented his case won for him q
temporary success. but the reaction has
set in with a force that threatens to be
disastrous.
Briefly stated. Mr.. Chamberlain would
have the British empire enforce a tariff
in favor OF its colonies and against
other nations, not only on the usual
subjects of revenue imposts but on
food products as wei. Ostenslbly, this
tariff is to be used as a means of ee-
menting the colonies and the mother
country in an imperial customs union
that would prove a political force as
wen as a club 70 be used in CONNER
ciaI negotiations with other nations.
IN reality, it is suspected that Mr..
Chamberlain has an eye on the welfare
Of the landed tories who would profit
most by taxes on food products, and
right here is where his troubles begin.
The wOrkingmen of England have no
such love for the landed gentry as
would make a tax on food paiatable,
and the liberal party has taken advan-
tage Of this feeling to fight the Cham
berlain programme. Moreover, the lib
erals have found in the tariff question
a basis of reunion that is almost vel
come. In addition, the tariff proposal
has anenated some OF the most power
ful of the tory leaders, and they have
absolutely refused to follow where the
Birmingham man leads.
Altogether. Mr.. Chamberlain has pre-
pared a programme that is already en-
barrassing the conservatives with every
indication that it viii eventually bring
the liberals back into power. If by any
chance the protective tariff programme
should succeed, the United States win
have a direct financial interest in the
proceedings beyond the POLITICAL
changes involved. A British tariff on
wheat, corn, livestock products and
other food supplies that would give
Canada and Australia an advantage as
against the United states, would fur
nish cash demonstration of the prac-
teal workings OF protection. It would
also produce a howl from the American
farmer and'iivestoek grower that might
upset governments here as well as in
England IN just that much the United
States viii watch developments in
England with a lively. not to say pain
full. interest.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1904-02-05

IN LIGHTER VEIN
In the Far East.


Each dav the war correspondent
+ Throws a dime down on the floor:
Heads up means peace Is now N
Trails up means .'there viii be war.p
The Morganizing OF Japan may be
considered fairly started with the mar
rage Of j. ?. 8Iorgan's nephew 70 Miss
Yuki Kato.
The report of young Austen Cham
berlain's action at the opening OF par
lament shows he is a loyal and duti-
ful son and a bum speaker.
The four youthful Washers arrested
Sunday were let so with a Teprlmand.
bat the next bunch caught should re-
ceive something more tangible IN the
way OF punishment
Just 10 save someone else the trou-
bic Of saying it. we will state that the
prisoner who developed smallpox IN
/ the county jail was the firss one 70
break out for some time. Statements
like this have to be made on all occa-
sions Of this kind, and it is Just IS
we'll tC get it over as early as pOssi~
bic.
The new government rule prohibit
ing more than one hole in beer barrels
will be found to be a great hardship
when picnic time rolls around again..
Il. we had been told that. the titan
exhibit for st. Louis would be in place
on April I. instead of April 80, we
would have known for sure it was
josh.
Considering the condition Of the the
atrical business all over the country,
il is easy to understand why the two
bis theatrical syndieates We're not in
elined to quarrel over the division OF
business.
Those who complained because they
slipped and fell on hard ice can now
slip and fan in soft, cool water
The determination OF the Macedo-
MAN revolutionary chiefs to order a.
renewal Of the instruction goes to
show they have heard of some new and
horrible way of putting people to death
and are anxious to try il.
A dispatch from ST. Petersburg says
an old woman who died there OF pri-
walton left 100000 and no heirs. Just
wait a couple OF days, and see if some
heirs don't turn up.
Having begun TO Withdraw the troops
some days ago. Governor Peabody Of
Colorado is now able to state that
peace prevails in the Cripple Greek dis
trict.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1904-02-05

A once famous midget, Admiral Dot.
has been sworn in as a deputy sheriff
in White Plains. \. Y. Dot is only
forty-eight inches tail Just What use
fuI purpose he win serve as deputy
sheriff is not disclosed.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1904-02-05

Emperor Williams voice is to be pre-
served at Harvard on a Photographic
record. some people have a queer no
ton IS TO the things that are worth
preserving.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1904-02-05

In response to Senator Germans res
olution Of inquiry the president seems
10 have sent the senate all the informa-
ton relative to Panama except the in
formatlo Senator German wanted.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1904-02-05

Some members CT the council seem to
be laborlng under the impression that
the Red Onion is a place where popu-
lar people pull OF pink teas
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1904-02-05

At the meeting OF the current events
and current literature section OF the
Ladies' Literary clab this afternoon
Mrs. w. r. Wightlnan viii read a pa
per on "Some Noted Educators" ard
there viii be a debate on the Panama
f41ou+S14a
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1904-02-05

The senior class Of the High school
viii give a dance this evening at Unity
hail. The chaperones viii be Mrs ".
a. Nelden. Mrs Il. 3. Stephens. Mrs
Havenor and Mrs. Short.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1904-02-05

Mr.. and Mrs. w. G. Lamb wiz ente
tain at q supper Sunday evening.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1904-02-05

The report of young Austen Cham
berlain's action at the opening OF par
lament shows he is loyal and duti-
ful son and a bum speaker.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1904-02-05

Those who complained because they
slipped and fell on hard ice can now
slip and fan in soft, cool water.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1904-02-05

Considering the condition Of the the
atrical business All over the country,
It is easy to understand why the two
bis. theatrical syndicates were not in
elined to quarrel over the division of
business.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1904-02-05

The determination OF the Macedo-
MAN revolutionary chiefs to order a.
renewal of the instruction goes to
show they have heard of some new and
horrible way of putting people to death
and are anxious to try il.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1904-02-05

Each DAY the war correspondents.
Throws "a dime down on the floor
sigat.
Tails up means .there will be war;
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1904-11-13
Ia ELL, sir said Mr.. Dooley. lit
Wv must be gran thing to be

w Stah tIllllS 10 be
coliedge professor
Not much 70 do" said Mr.. Haunassv
But a gr-reat deal To saw" said Mr.
Dooley- IVY day TN rninvIt nick nm
me pa-aper afther I've read tn GRIM
MAJ an other pOllytickal news. tn
spoortin news. tn rale estate adver-
Oiseinents. III invitation firm III cul-
tufed foreign gent to meet an American
Iady ~ some means. object a matthar
IN moretmoney, tn sDOortin' news over
again TIM tn iditoryals. 1 hasten to
,I'lu OUT what tn colledge professor
H'd 70 say yesterdah. I lvisht In tditor.
Nud put il in III same column ~ TIL
pd-aper IVY day Thin he vudden't
nave 10 collect amy other funny col
unhn. humorous: Professor NVindhauI
~ harvard makes q savidge attack on
Abraham Lincoln As il is 7 some
times have to hunt through tn pa-aper
II m tn Newport scandal on page wan
10 IN religious notes on page two
huhdherd an four beflre j come acrost
me iaV rite funny sayins iv funny fell
lows.
We been coilictin' these ullrruds iv
wisdom f'r long time. Hiunissy. an
IN now prepared to deliver We a sam
pie colledge lecture on all subiicks firm
IN creation ~ tn wurruld: Young
slntlemen: viii begin be sayin' that
nave me doubts about tn various
stories consarnin' tn creation iv tn
Wurruld. In tn first place / dismiss
with loud laugh tn theory that it was
created in six days. I cud make such
a poor Wurruld as this in two DAYS
with scroll saw. Akelly preposter-
GUS is tn idee that il wasn't made at
all but grew up out iv nawthin' Me
ldee is that tn wurruld is a chunk iv
IN sun that was Clipped off be a collis-
yon with tn moon. cooled down an
advertised fr roomers AS TO its ace.
differ with tn Bible. Me own opin-
yon iv tn age IN tn arth is that ii is
about twinty-eight years old. That is
as far as 1 so back
'Speakin' iv III Bible. il is an in
threstin' wurruk. but tn English is
poor ] advise all iv We not TO injure
ye'er style be readin' tn prisnt edi-
tions, but IL We want rale good Eng
fish, We win read tn Bible TRANSLATED
into Hoosier dilect be Pro- fssor Lum-
sum Jiggs iv tn University iv Barry's
Corner, wan iv oLr gT- reatest iithra-
choors whose loss TO tn sody wather
business was a gloryous gain to relifIon
an ietthers. If We want TO make a
comparison to show We how lithrachoor
has improved. compare tn wurruks iv
Homer an Jiggs. Homer nodded. He
niver nodded TO me. but he nodded But
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1904-11-13

Gus hurry. He pondered it long an
carefully. TIL Flee sthruck him at
breakfast while he was eatin' his
prunes an did not machure till he Mas
half through with tn ham an eggs.
So with Professor Windhaul. He didn't
land on Lincoln till he was sure iv his
ground. He first made inquiries an
found out that there was such a man.
Thin he looked f'r his name among tn
graduates IN Harvard. Thin ne bumped
him. It's good thing Lincoln was
dead hefure he was ASA ulted He
niver wud have survived IN attack
It's fine thing f'r IN young men
who set at tn feet ~ these larned
docks. A little boy is chased away FIRM
home an enthers wan " these here
Summaries. He was licked Nesterdah
fr neglectin to scrub below IN chin.
but tomorrah he will be cheerin' wildly
while Professor Bumpus tells him uni
Varsal suffrage was a bad break. if
he has weak chest an can't play
fut-ball. ne goes on imbibin wisdom
ontil he arrives at III dew pint whin
his alma mather hurls him at tn on
fortchnit wurruld, He knows fifty
thousaG' things. but tn on'y wan w
thin that he Cud prove is that Hef-
felhnger was a great fut-b player
Thin begins his raie cOlIedge career
TIL postgraduate eoorse is tn best in
tn wurruid. Tn entrance fee is all
he has. Tn wurruld takes IL away
firm him tn minyit he thries to apply
his colledge Professors idee that undher
tn doctrine iv probabilities two pair
ought TO beat three ~ kind. He
hasn't On'y wan new professor but
twinty millyon. old an young. rich an
poor, men an women, especially wo-
tnen. He can't shirk his lessons He
has to be UP in tn mOrnin bright an
arly larnin' an pRssin' examinations.
Hes on'y told anything wanst If he
don't raymimber il tn mex time ne is
asked, some professor gives him n
thump on tn head Amy time he don't
like his dear OF alma mather. he can
quit. TIL wurrulT amt advertiser f'r
amy students. IT has no competitors
an tn lists are always full. Tn cOorse
lasts firm wan 20 sixty years. an it
gets harder to'rd tn cOmmincemint
day. If he's a good scholar an be
HAYES himsilf an listens TO tn pro-
fssors an Wurruks hard, he can grad
jate with honors. In amy case, ne
is allowed TO write out his own d.
ploma. He knows best what he is Ell
titled to-
If ye had a boy. wud We sind him
to cOlledge2" asked Mr.. Hennessy.
Well said Mr.. DOoley. at tn age
whin boy is fit to be in colledge. L
wUdden't have him around tn house"
Copyright, 1904. by Mcclure, Phillips
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1904-11-13

Do tell me about it, begged the curly
haired girl 1T was Bob. of cOurse2"
Who else2 acquiesced the other,
gloOmily. 1T was TO be a cross country
run up into Wisconsin. BOb's mother and
cousin and / were in his automobile and
as II was the biggest. fastest machine of
the lot. and he was the best looking man
and
And no other girl could get ahead of
Your pOngee dust coat and your special
Fascinating smile" prompted the curly
haired one.
Il hope I am not so conceited." said the
gun-metal silk girl Indignantly. but her
cheeks pinked up aecusingly. AT any
rate l was satisfied with life. You've no
idea how romantic it is TO go spinning
down fine road as though you were fly
ing through space with some one beside
you looking unutterable things
I'd like TO see a man look sentimental
through automobile goggles. broke in
the curly-haired one immediately 1T
must be an experience to remember"
We didn't wear goggles" said the 9TH
er girl shortly. THE weather was TOO
fine. And Bobs mother and cousin we're
the most considerable women ever met.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1904-11-13

me milkman how to vote an gone
down 10 tn polls an dhriven thin ir'm
power. Well, there's wan consolation
about it au-th' country won't last
long. | noticed tn other day it had
begun TO crack. Win it sinks. ye'ers
thruly will be near tn edge ready 10
jump off. Anyhow il don't matther
much. Tn American people ARE all
gettin' to be Jndyans again WaIkin
down today l observed twinty-
two people who looked TO be like IN
dyans. Mex week / intind to verify me
CONCLUSIONS be buyin' picture " an
lndyan. But I'm intirely convinced
that in three or four years at Taste
we'll all be livin' in wickey-ups an
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1904-11-13

course she wasn't as il was her custom
airy way OF alighting from an automobile
when ne drove it.
Il couldn't take a step for / had t1iu-
pied irto lot of burrs that held my
an struck together. Then all of
sudden II began to rain. Bob's cousin
sGsee sted lnat he DO stimething Ife did
- TANK he swore. Nc held matches.
but We conldn't find what was wrong
WITH mat hateful machine We couldn't
see root ahead Of Us and the rain was
SettAng down into steady pour
Bob started Off With the rest Of us in
single file. holding hands so as not to
get lost. Now. that may sound exciting
aud rc-lantic to you. bat if yoll had
dressed up in yonr best silk coat, a Paris
veil that cost SO and patent leather
shoes. 10 say nothing of your SIS hat
you might find the situation slightly diff
fe-ent. ] knew il Was my chance to
shine before his mothet as a model of
sweetness in trying situation. but
every time Id begin TO CLEAN through
the general murkiness Fu step into a rut
and wrench my ankle or stumble over a
bowlder, or Bob's mother. who was be-