The Savannah morning news. (Savannah, Ga.) 1900-current, 1904-08-21
MR.. . Q OIL
THE MODEL SALOON
BY F. p. dunno.
Copyright 1904 by Mcclure, Phillips & Co.
BY F. P. DUNNE.
OOOOOOOoOOOooOOOO ooooooOOooooooooOoo
Copyright, 1904, by Mcclure, Phillips & Co.

Il see," said Mr. Dooley, "a bishop
down in New York has opened a sa-
loon"
Glory bel" said Mr.. Hennessy. mot
our kind iv bishop"
NO" said Mr.. Dooley. IVAN iv tn
near-our- kind. He didn't ra-aly open it
tn way we think. He didn't own tn
lint. He on'y backs it with his moral
inf1ooence, like a brewery. Ye see, it
was this way. Wan day this bishop
dropped into his club. I don't know
why it is we always say man dhrops
into a club. He's more likely to dhrop
out if he amt supported. But amy
how, tn bishop dhropped into his club
an hurlin' himself into a sumchuous
arm chair, opened his brewery an
settled down to wait FIR tn avenin' pa
apers. As he set there with his feet
cooked up on a chair, readin' his de-
votional book an occasionally divin'
into tn milk punch, he says to him
silf: This is rale comfort. A club is a
gram place Suddenly tn thought
sthruck him. What says he, am 1
dom FIR tn poor? Here am 1 loungin'
in comfort in me club. Has tn poor
wurrukin' man g. club? Not at ALL He
has no club but tn wan tn polisman
carries. Thin where does he spind his
time between four o'clock in tn afther-
noon and eight o'clock dinner? In tn
saloon. TIL saloons L r-read about
where tn poor wurrikin' man buys
shell iv beer, ats four dollars worth Nv
free lunch an goes home an beats
his wife or vicy varsy as tn case
may be, is no place FIR him. will start
a model dive where me humble me-
chanic frinds iv tn slums can take
their karosine amid comfortable sur
rounding's, chat with their fellow Jug
glers on tn issues iv tn day an go
home ilivated in evry sense iv tn
wurrud,' he says.
An he done it. Firm what I can
make out about this model saloon it
amt much different firm tn peaceable
hell that I've been conductin' FIR thirty
years. TIL main ingreejent iv amy
rest cure is there on tn shelves.
They'se a bar FIR thin horny handed
sons iv tile who can sleep standin'
an chairs an tables FIR tn less hardy
ruffiians that prefer to coal up in d
aff'ble an sober men, but that's true
iv all bartinders. They ar-re supposed,
Hinnissy, to give tn consumers a brief
moral chat while pushin' out tn paint.
Afther tn third basin it may be nicis-
sry FIR them to have an ilivinth COM
mandment handy in tn shape iv an
ice-pick. In a corner iv tn impooryum
IS a sody wather fountain so that tn
poor wurrukin' man don't have to drin
poor wurrukin' man don't have to
dhrink tn Destroyer if he don't want
TO, but can go over an initiate himsilf
at tn gas wurruks. Whin a customer
at tn admin counther begins to cry
over tn Maybrick case, tn prelate in
command there steers him to tn liquid
air department where he does tn rist
iv his shoppin', charges himsilf with
a pan iv carbonic acid an floats home.
This is to help his hiccup so that his
wifell know he has not been idle.
understand this branch iv tn plant
hasn't had to hire amy extra help.
TIL principal customers is Numbers iv
good governmint clubs disguised as
poor wurrukinmen in OIL tennis clothes.
Wan iv thin was heerd to say that
he didn't care whether tn bar-boy
made it an egg phosphate or a vanilla
strawberry mixed, as he did not in
tind to go home till tn followin' day.
anyhow. TIL more permanent poor
Wurrukinmen, tn athletes in outing
clothes iv blue canvas, has thus far
not Investigated tn model saloon be-
yond tn beer pump. An now 1 come
TO think iv it, I can't raymimber liver
seem poor wurrukin' man sprintin
fr tn Dutchman's pause in front Nv
dhrug store as if in doubt. 1t may
have happened, but / didn't notice
it.
IN saloon was opened in person be
IN bishp l r-read his speech. it was
fine. He recognized that dhrink was an
evil, havin' met it. But it was a MIC
1ssry evile. On tn whole, he was
inclined to think it was more MIC
issry thin evil Takin' it all in all or
half an half or anyway We liked, it
was good thing. He took his dhrink
at tn club an why shud his more
humble but akelly droughty frinds
among tn wurrukin' classes not have
their souse as we'll? They shud. He
mud advise modhration, hover. A
man, he be rich or poor, shud niver take
on more thin was good FIR him. 9Th
manager iv tn saloon: Or thin he's
good fro He accepted tn correction.
If ne was a savin' mechanic in this
bright land iv opportunity, he ought
to be good FIR what was good FIR him
or more. Whin a poor, wurrukin'
man felt tn insijous march iv tn
brannigan he shud say: No, boys, no
more FIR me. I must go home to tn Ill
vans. If 1 need more 1 can sind thin
out fr it, A poor S'lirrukin' man shud
niver f'rget his family while on a ca
rouse. No amount Nv sobbin' on tn
neck iv a BARTENDER while telln' what a
comfort wife an childher was to tn
inebryated artisan wud make amy
diff renee. He mus get him some time
durin' tn night or he is no thrue up
holder iv tn CHRISTIAN saloon an its
refinin' infiooence. His parcel shud be