The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1904-02-14

cholera won't hurt him, for he'll be sleep
ing under the sod with six feet OF earth
on his body and a mendacious epitaph on
his tombstone and possibly on somebody
else's conscience.
All of which Is true-hideously, dis.
tinctly and humilattngly truc-but il any
young thing in frizzes, peau de sole and
clock stockings wants to tickle me under
the chin with n compliment or SO, III
try to grin and bear it,
While all the world loves a lover it
cannot be denied that the public af-
lection for this class OF favored mortals
reaches its minimum when sweethearts
corner a telephone and undertake to trans
nit their saccharne greetings by wire.
And, indeed, the tender regard OF the I'M
fortunatcs waiting for such conversations
to terminate sometimes even goes so far
as to end In irritability, for naught so
lars one as witness n love- making
bee without himself being either the lover
or lovee. It's like having some one tell
YOU of a good dinner he has eaten, when
YOU yourself are furnishing for mere bean
soup.
The most rational OF women, when she,
goes to telephone, Is tax on all mas
culnity up and down and at both enas
OF a line. H But the girl who has "runs
up, her sweetheart Is a terror more 70
be dreaded than book-agent or a sub
scription committed. She never quite
knows what she wants to say and she
never quite knows when she has nm
ished saying 1t. Her speech, on sucn
occasions is a potpourri of coquettish
rirgles. indignant EXPLANATIONS (Which
are heartily echoed by all within the SOUND
of hor voice. and excited monosyllabes.
She struggles between love. curiosity and
secretiveness, and says good-bye win
mock neevisllness at least twenty times
before the final word passes But IN the
matter OF her good-byes. she Is, after all,
like every one of her sex; for none OF
those who use hairpins quite know when
TO end a conversation, 1t has Always
been my belief that women, when they
so calling. should ut the very outset grcel
their hostesses with the familiar Words
a"Well, must hurry oft now" and then
bolt to get away. This system would
save fifteen minutes usually wasted ~
formalitles and allow the visitors twenty
minutes confidential chat ut the parlor
door. ten minutes gossip at tho front
door, twelve minutes of jokes on the
4norch and half an hour for ordinary talk
at the cato That, according to the
statistics, Is about the time usually re-
auired for feminine conversations,
But to return TO the telephone, Any
mortal who has ever trlelh 70 hutiii@e lt'e
pesky things will tell you that they are
used thousands OF times daily by sweet
hearts and that The wheels of the mer-
camille world In every civilized land arc
clogged by this modern style OF wooing.
But on behalf OF that sex which suffers
long and mulmnrs little, have the cffront-
cry to say that woman, gentle woman
approaches dangerously near pestiferous-
E ness when she tries coquetry over a tele-
phone during business hours me m
diyidual in his shirt-sleeyes, to whom
comes the dreaded summons lady atTthe-
aPphQne," generally says something de-
Ecidedly ,lnpublishablo before he reaches
tho; receiver and all during the agonizlng
Il converse ton he Is suffering Hiserles,i For