The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1904-05-28

tlon OF independence signed? Tommy
At the bottom.-Chicago Daily News. !,
Wantanno-Why do you call that
boy Of yours "Flannel?" Duzno-Be-
cause ne just naturally shrinks from
washing.
Editha-I wonder why the dudes
wear one eyeglass? Deborah-To pre-.
vent seeing more than they are able to ,
comprehend.
Ma, is there any pie left in the
pantry" '"There Is one piece, but you
can't have it." You are mistaken,
ma; I've had it."
Fond PARENT understand the fac
ulty are very much pleased with your
work. Dropped Junior-Yes. they en-
cored my sophomore year.
Grace, can you tell me what is
meant by a cubic yard?" II don't
know exactly, but guess it's a yard
that the Cuban children play in"
Old Grim-Remember young man,
there is always room at the top.
Young Sprawley-Oh, 1 know that;
I'm waiting for the elevator now
Judge.
Lord Littlecash Qovingly)-You are
my soul. Edith-Yes; told papa that.
"Oh, what did he say?" Said you
didn't earn enough to keep your soul
and body together"
Nurse-Johnny, stop asking your ia
Their so many questions. Don't you
see it annoys him? Johnny-Why,
nurse, it's not the questions that make
him angry; it's because he can't an
swer them.
A husband said to his wife: II
dreamed last night that caught man
running away with you" What did
you sayW she asked. II wanted to
know what he was running for" re-
piled the husband.
Mrs. Closefst-Oh, do buy me new
bonnet, my dear. 1t will set all my
friends talking. Closefst-If you're
after notoriety, why don't you get the
old one retrimmed? That will make
your friends talk twice as much.
II see that choice Bengal tigers
have been marked down to $500 each"
"For goodness sake, don't let my wife
read that paragraph. Here's my knife.
Gut it out. If those tigers are on the
bargain counter she'd want at least
two"
He bitterly)-If were rich you'd
marry me fast enough! She-Don't
Gussie, don't! Such devotion breaks
my heart! He-What do you meant
She-Often you have praised my
beauty, but never before my common
] sense!
Hello, Freddie! Are you playin
robberT" "Playin' nuthin'. This Ii
the real thing. I'm waitin' for the
cook, an when she comes she'll tel
where she hides the pies, or I'll know
. the reason why."-New York Evening
Journal.
, John" asked the lawyers wife
. who had recently taken up the health
culture fad, lis it best to lie on thu
rioht side or the left slider" my
dear" replied the legal luminary, ii
one Is on the right side it isn't usual
" necessary to lie at all"
t Mrs. Youngwed-You know Uncl
! Pincher said he was going to send u
something that would help us saw
our coal bills this year? Well, it came
Mr.. Youngwed-Really A stock o
coal? Mrs. Youngwed-No. A littl
arrangement for filing bills.
He las they were seated in a quie
nook near the links)-Are you quit
sure we have never met before thl
season? She-Yes; quite positive. II
And you haven't a sister? She
No: why do you ask2 He-Well, II
positive 1 Rugged that blouse before
somewhere.
Call a girl a chick, and she smiles
call a woman a hen, and she howl
n Call young woman a witch, and ST
3 ia nleased: call an old woman a. witcl
=, and she is indignant. Call girl
kitten, and she rather likes 1t; call
= woman a cat, and she'll hate yo'
G Queer sex, isn't it?-Chicago News.
d Burglar-Gimme yer jewels! Lad
9 of the House-Did you shut the viii
8 dow after your Are you sure 70
: wiped your feet? What did you q
8 with that burnt match? Did Blu
>. qlar-Er-I-I guess forgot
Don't say another word, ma'am' al
I'll 90 right out.-Chicago News.
: Did l understand you to say thu
a Won didn't have any company in tt
?, kitchen while l was out, Katie
. "Yis, mum, that's what l said" "B'
j. smell the tobacco from pipe a
9 through the house." "Yis, mum; tt
s. noIiceman was In for half an hou
. mum. but we were in the drawn
"a room"
IF Economical: First farmer--Did thu
70 hev fire-escapes at the hotel whe
% va slept Ecker Second farmer-N
Int It was the most eckernomical ia
ern I ever seen. First farmer
le what way, Zeke? Second farmer
r. Whv, they had a rope hanging in e