The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1904-06-30
TIE ARR or CONVERSATION.


IN met his neighbor. they rubbed
,sss, pointed app-ehensive fingers at
re sky, and went their several ways
zach was satisfied and neither was
And vet by that simple little panto-
mime they had relieved their prehis-
toric minds of the following little gems
3 of thought:
"Howdyi"
oh. $3.50. how's yourself?"
ABLE to take nourishment- Looks
like rain in the West-What dye Think
Yes. looks like a big storm. Well, I
must be getting back to the cave or
the missis will be wondering whether
Idinosaur has eaten me up"
Civilization advanced and signs &C
cumulated. PantOmime was taught at
The young ladies' seminaries, we dare
say. and the elemental gestures were
elaborate to keep abreast of the times.
We suppose that when prehistoric Wo-
man met her neighbOr at this stage of
he game. they rubbed noses, one of
Them placed her hand on the small OF
her back, the other pointed to a passing
prehistoric damsel they both shrugged
their shoulders and rolled their eyes,
parted, came back again and finally
parted again. That was gossip III the
FIRST throes. That was brilliant con-
yersation stripped of all its frills and
might be translated thus:
why. how are you? How well you're
yes. I may be looking well, but I
have such dretful pains in the small of
the back 1 really think there's ma
laria around our nut. Our hippOpOtamus
got loose last night and he led me such
chasel / feel all played out You've
no idea"
Poor thing! I know just how it is.
= for ] well remember hOW-LOok, there's
that girl who lives in the hut with the
honeysucl1le vine. She's flirtin' some
thing awful with the young Druid
curate. oh, she's got her cap set for
Isn't it scandalous! And she has
2 different dress of leaves every day.
What is that she's got on now?
orange blossom leaves 1 do declare!
Did YOU ever see the like to that? OF
all things Well, always said so from
the first!"
Il don't know what under the
canopy we're all coming to- Things
weren't like this when I was a girl.
Well goodby. L must be going.
"GOodby."
They turn away and then turn back
gain. oh, did you hear about that
ross-eyed mans wife,
why. no. What is it? I'm just
dying to heart
she ran away with that rich stone
Ratchet manufacturer"
II want to know.
isn't it awful Well, gOodby. 1
, see my husband coming with his club
and I simply must be going.
'Goodby."
All. they were the good old days.
the fine old days, the days you read
about and think were too good TO De
true. The grand old days, the glorl-
Gus old days. before conversation had
ever been called an art and when men
carried rocks in their hands to shy
them at a man if he made a pun.
But now all is changed and we are
at the mercy of the first punster who
thinks he is the life of any company
that he may be adjoining. We have
TO keep our end up in topical CONVEX
sation and are thought ignorant if we
cannot tell Offhand what old William
Travers said when the waitress drop
ped the egg and why it is that Dave
Jill remains in single bleSsedness.
Society demands talk, and society is
not to be denied. While we We're saw
iug enough money to buy our hrst
dress suit. we at the same time for
tined ourselves in the matter or talk.
We studied the subject and reduced it
TO q science. We talked to ourselves
and then began talking to our friends.
When our friends had all dropped OIL
and begun to shun us, we struck UP
an acquaintance with deaf man and
practiced on him. Whenever we
paused he was supposed to say, wei,
Welt" You don't mean it!' and by
crickey is that so ?" We talked to
that deaf man two hours every night
for a month, and when we had
nursed him through his cOnvalescence
we felt capable of holding a CONVEX
sation with the shyest girl who was
ever palmed off on q man to be taken
IN to dinner.
ne HLSL essential 10 tOuNeIS1llOli
p to start "A subject. We are partic-
ularly proud of our ability to start a
subject. There was a time when we
tried the walk-around method and
gradually led up to the subject, but we
have discarded that now. We walk
right in and deal the subject a body
blow and follow it UP by a jolt under
the ear. Say, for instance, that we
are talking about prize pumpkins and
we wish to make a remark about the
value of diamonds Ca remark which
we have st an in a newspaper that
morning.. we do not glide from
pumpkins to grapes, and from grapes
e wine. and from wine to liquors, and
from liquors 70 saloons, and from sa-
looms to barkeepers and from bar
keepers to diamonds. The chances
-<are that the girl will lose interest be-
fore we get much past grapes and she
Will be talking about a lovely time
she had last summer with a lot of
avn ully Jolly boys, and then we might
just as we'll never have known the
cost OF ton of diamonds. So we just
whirl in;
You can buy a good pumpkin for
nifty cents, but say, a ton of diamonds
lars"
VVhereupon she thinks we are erudite
a1d have had a classical education She
ana when we ask her MAI Sc ~ 2S 10iI55
90 IL she had TO spend a million dollars
and gives us her views She dCesr,it
larpst these views uDon us with an air
tlat forbids contradiction, but she ad-
Eances her IDEAS modestly as though she
elen I want 10 make a chump of herself
oeiore TINS chap who knows offhand such
-os OF sclentlhc things A man can 90
l.I T he knows the value of ton of
1t often chances to be our lot to be
alloNn into the company of a girl who
NeH talk We tell her it is lovely
wSa..ssr she says it is. We wait re
sPecuuiiy for her to say something. bmt
sc stays mum We ask her if she has
tea9 A turning Love" She says she
lasn L. Again we wait respectfully for
Aer TO ask sonnet ming. hut eli, So - =