The Fairmont West Virginian. (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1904-1914, 1904-07-29
NOISES AND MUSIC.

Out of a suggestion made at a meet,
ing of the Professional Women s
league, that children should be taught
to scream unsteady. has grown a
scheme to convert all the ordinary
noises of the world into melody. The
original idea was that mothers should
carry tuning forks and give the babies
the proper note and that where there
are several youngsters of the wailing
age in the family they should be
taught to cry in unison. "A teacher of
music eagerly caught at the notion
and enlarged upon it by declaring that
there is no reason why the disagreea-
BILE noises of the city--the roar of
wagons and street cars, the cries of
peddlers and newsboys and the whir
of automobiIes-migh not. if properly
attuned to each other be rendered
agreeable, instead of discordant and
nuisance. He minated that munich
pal league of harmony could be es-
tablished that would bring about the
new condition OF affairs and that the
enforcement of the law would appeal
SO strongly to all urban residents
that there would be few occasions for.
the Interference OF the police to arrest
people who did not keep to the ordain-
ed harmony.
The prospect is fascinating, but
such vast reform is perhaps only the
dream of a visionary For one thing
every policeman would be required to
be possessed of the delicate musical
ear that would enable him to decide
when any noise was off key, and the
ma gistrate before whom he would
bring the offender must be an even
more accurate critic for upon him
would deyolve the duty of distinguish
ing between the scarcely perceptible
shades and graudations that mark the
border line of true harmony. The ex-
pense of setting up such machinery
of musical justice in connection with
the administration of municipal law
would deter anybody but the enthusi-
asst from advocating it.
Next would occur the necessity of
establishing costly appellate 5uris-
diction, for it is not to be supposed
that eminent musicians who might be
taken in by the police would fail to
demand to have their cases adjudi-
Gated by the highest expert talent It
is even possible that the foundation
could be laid for heavy damage suits
against the city by musician inten-
tfonally sounding false note to invite |
arrest and then relying on his profess
sional standing to convince the tribu-
nal of appeals that it was the police
man and not he who Numbered. The /
chance of having existence converted
into lone grand sweet song is allur-
ing, but the cost is repellant consid-
Grafton. The scheme would, to be |
sure, provide numerous offices at com
salaries for the persons learn
ed in thes niceties of musical distinc-
tons, butS the difficulty Of introduce
ing school of harmony as an adjunct
to the civil service examining boards
IS one more obstacle. The sole gain
hat would be worth the expediture is
he contingency that if all the noises
IF the world could at a given moment
be attuned to the same note the cho-
us might be SO enormous in volume
is to reach the ears of the dwellers
IN Mars, communication with whom
1as been the aim of 50 many expert
nenters in theory
That mass meeting or a National
convention could be changed into a
festival of melody is an argument in
avor Of the suggestion, and it is not
beyond the scope of Imagination that
he harmony thus produced might
AVE beneficial effect in the councils
# the leaders Of factions within q
,arty But the doubt comes UP @heth-f
4. politics would be such an attrac Give
,ursuit for combatiye Americans II I
he internecine partisan batt1es were 81
polished .5is$
Music is as much an iacentiye to Is