Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1904-06-17

"Are you the waiter who took my
order for that chop?'' 'eYessir." Bless
me. how you have grownp'
"She says she is very fond of mu-
Sic" "Instrumental?'' ~ ''Well, it's in
strumental in making the. neighbors
swear when she gets at the piano. -
Exchange.
Jinkins- How is your son getting
along in his literary labors? Jorkins
oh, famously! You should see how
gracefully he carries his pen behind
his ear.-Boston Transcript.
Tonsorial Artist-Your hair seems
to be coming -Freshman-Yes, It
is. Tonsorial Artist-Tried our hair
tonic? Freshman-Yes, but that didn't
do 1t, though.-Yale Record. -
"How hollow it soundsr said pa
tient under the movement cure, as the
physician was vigorously pounding his
chest. "Oh. that's. nothing!" said the
doctor; "wait till we get to the head" !"
Alice (aged 5)-Mamma, my appe-
We'll. dear, go and see what the
clock says. Alice (some seconds later)
The clock says my appetite is ten
minutes fast! y.
Husband-What! A hundred dol
lars for an opera cloak? Why, it is
perfectly ridiculous, my dear. Wife
Yes, I know it is; but you said you
couldn't afford an expensive one.--Chi-
cago Daily News.
Teacher = Johnny, write on the
blackboard the sentence 1.-TWO heads
are better than one" Now, Johnny.
do you believe that? Johnny-Yes'm.
Cause then you kin get a job In a
dime museum and make lots o.
money.
cat what age do you consider wom-
en- the most charming?" asked the in
quisitive female of more or less un-
certain age. "At the age Of the wom-
an who asks the question:" answered
the man. who was a diplemat--New
Yorker.
Howes-Don't like this cold wealth
er, eh? Why, only last summer you
were complaining Of the heat. Barnes
Not Of the heat itself, but rather be-
cause of its untimeliness. 1t would be
all right If reserved for such weatheS
as this.-Boston Transcript
+"You may turn up your nose at me,
Martha Ann Bill!wink, but want you
to remember it's leap year, and Kit
Garlinghorn is trying to get me away
from you" "Well, I'll just show the
freckle-faced thing she can't do that
George dearT- Chicago Tribune.
Father" said Kathie, chow much
does a quite small bottle Of ink cost?'
"You can get one for a penny" an
swered father. "A pennyr' exclaimed
Kathie, in great disgust. "And num-
mie made an awful fuss when I upset
lhe littlest bottle in the cupboard"
"Aren't you ashamed Of your indo-
lence :" Indeed, am" answered
Meandering Mike. 1--WE been trying
to do something for it, What"
"I've been takin' de faith cure. I've
been chopin make-beneve wood wit
an imaginary ax."-Washington Star.
Newitt-Well, there's one thing
about the weather. It's always q safe
topic Of conversation. Borroughs-
thought it was to-day when I met
Lendham, but when I started to speak
Of it he said, Eyes, it's unsettled, and
that reminds me Of that account of
yours"
Dear" said the politicians wife,
there's a handsome big policeman
whose beat embraces Mrs. Swellman's
house. Can't you get him transferred
to this neighborhood?" what for?"
demanded her husband. Mrs. Swell
man has an excellent cook and want
er."-Philadelphia Press.
The officers Of a British man-o'-war
were entertaining their friends with a
grand lunch and in attendance were
some typical British tars. A young
lady, wanting a piece Of bread looked
behind her chair at one Of the sailors
in waiting, and asked him to bring her
what she wanted. But he drew him
self up, stiff and stern, and, to her
amazement, replied, Cant do it, miss;
I'm told of for taturs."
An Up-to-Date Vi1lage-"Do you
have a good lecture course here during
the winter?" was asked of the manager
Of the Higginsville Lyceum. Indeed
we do" he answered; land next season
we expect to outdo all previous records.
So far we have booked one ransomed
missionary, one reformed gambler, one
troupe Of trained animals, one convert
ed heather, one moving picture ma
chine and one professional personator.
We may take on a college professor who
wants to speak about the tendency Of
modern literary thought, but I don't
know. It's pretty hard to keep the
course on the same high plane Of
thought throughout
The Other Side Of the Story: Sim