davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The San Francisco call., 1904-03-20

Great Parsonage He recited his titles
to respect and mentioned the Great
Parsonage.
Il don't care who you are or who you
know" thundered the Olympian in a
passion Of rectitude that made him SUI
perior to grammar; II don't owe you
money nor anybody else; you can go
tell him so. I'm not put here to do ia
vors; I'm put there to execute the law,
and you bet your life I'll do itl''
This was diplomacy. There are forms
Of speech in the Great Republic which
it needs a long initiation to interpret;
and James Olson was initiated. The
chief had the most exalted friendship
for the Great Parsonage Mr., Olson mad
named. 1t was the custom of that
Great Parsonage from time to time,
when he suffered with the spleen, to
speak his mind TO the chief with an un-
reserve which made the chiefs eyes
water-with affection, When Mr.. Olson
had withdrawn from the Front Office,
the chief made the telephone wires
hum with hurry-up calls to trusted
lieutenants with names suggesting that
gifted race whose people can govern
everybody except themselves. When
Mr.. Olson returned with his creden-
tials his reception reminded him that
Mr.. Olson of the other place was not
the only man in the naughty city who
is blessed with a metaphysical double.
Have already moved in that matter
OF yours. Mr.. Olson; an accident that
might happen to any gentleman
Even to an upstate son of a hay
riekl" said the facetious Olson.
Il will have your property delivered
to you at 8 in the morning at your
hotel'' said the chief; and meantinls
if there are any little corners of the city
that you would like TO look into / shall
b. glad to place u competent guide at
your disposal"
Il might find some things that would
be Of service to me in directing our
home interests; / am actively employed
in local affairs" said Mr. Olson.
Happy to be able to do anything for
you / cam said the chief, offering the
glad hand.
"A pleasure to have made your ac-
quaintance." said Mr.. Olson, accepting
the glad hand.
This also was diplomacy; the rest was
business. The chiefs face when he met
his lieutenants was hurry-up order
The San Francisco call., 1904-03-20

Meantime James Olson discovered
that he had lost his watch.
When James Olson of the naughty
city discovered that he had lost his
watch the first step he took in regard
tc it was admirable The first step, to
be Irish, was to stand still and medi-
tate cn what his metaphysical double
should say to Mrs. Olson Of the other
city: in particular if the affair should
reach the newspa pers and the omnis-
cient reporter should employ his in
alienable right of pertinent scandal.
He escaped with all possible haste from
the witnesses of his mischance and de-
clined tc give his name
Dison's second step was to seek out
the front Office and obtain a private
interview with the chief; and here for
a moment he made a blunder He had
the temerity to demand a favor be-
fore he had founded it's Indispensable
basis in friendship. The chief paused
in the midst of his scrutiny of a pile
of documents; official business was sus-
pended everywhere within earshot, and
Mr.. Olson listened to the voice of au-
thority. The chief was a man of wrath;
his speech was rude and his figure Of
rhetoric unconventional.
NO. l will not. You will take your
chances like anybody else. will keep
nothing quiet. Every dashed upstate
son of a hayrick thinks he can come
down here and play the goat and go
back home an forgit it. If my town s
tough it's you boosters that come down
here and turn yourselves loose aa
make it So And it's me the newspa-
pers roast"
At this point James Olson of the
naughty city was inspired to remember
that James Olson of the good little city
owned a block Of delegates at the State
capital and YVES high in the graces Of a
The San Francisco call., 1904-03-20

their sex upon the situation lnarticu-
lately, each at the top Of her voice;
the twenty men with one Impulse
lurched toward Burke. Burke pro-
duced a remarkably handsome razor.
TO which he called D.son's attention
and the attention Of every one in the
car. Everybody, Olson III particular
evinced sudden interest IN reaching
the street; they fell over themselves
in their eagerness; the women forgot
even 10 scream, and one of them for
got the way to the door and used the
window. The last to desert his place
was the metorman. whom B1rks's ap-
proach seemed 10 af7iict with acute in
sanity. AS a preliminary to jumping
off he turned on the full current $nd
when the car was bounded forward
at full speed he leaped. He did not
wait to hold by the handles and steady
himself before his feet touched the
ground; he just naturally got off and
did gymnastics. When he was picked
up afterward he explained that he had
been in hurry.
Stop thief" yelled the chorus in
the road.
Go to hell" grinned Burke.
Find a telephone said one of the
crowd, while another called on a man
on a bicycle to catch that car" and
explained that there was a thief on it,
When they explained also the nature
OF the thief and of his company the
bicyclist guessed he was tired and that
they might catch the car themselves.
IF any Of you gentlemen wants the
loan of nv NheaI he can have il he
said generously; but for me--to- days
Friday It's always bad luck for me
to catch stolen trolleys on Friday"
None of the gentlemen wanted the loan
Of his wheel.
Burke left the trolley soon. In front
Of the one house visible stood a horse
and buggy, which he halted the car to
borrow. saying that he needed>them in
his business. A minute afterward he
had disappeared.
The San Francisco call., 1904-03-20

NJ EARLY all children seem to be
M guilty Of telling more or less
Y faisehoods. This habit is one Of
the most difficult to correct
Many mothers are ready to
deny. with Indignation, the statement
that their children ever told story
However. very few men, noted for their
veracity. can be found who will claim
that. as boys. they never told any sto-
ries. II might be well for parents to
consider this fact. when they were
about to judge harshly child who has
not spoken the truth.
a DI~.uIt Matter.
Upoz first thought, it seems that we
have q. right to expect the truth from
evefv person at all times and especially
from children. But is il such an easy
matter 10 ten the truth? Is there any
good reason why we should feel shock
ed whea a young child tells false
hood2 What do we mean when we say
q child ought TO tell the truth2 DO we
not mean that II is the child's duty.
What does a young child know about
duty? Nothing, until it has been IN
structed. Even then. very little, until
1t has. reached school age or even later.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1904-02-04
NEW SHORT STORIES


WMGm W.T.. HNAA&kk *sE8kK&Ws%
The late Wilson s. Bissell was
close friend of President Cleveland, and
when he was member OF the cabinet
the president talked very frankly with
him and often at him when he was
really criticising some other member Of
the cabinet Among other things which
the president did not like were cabinet
interviews. and one day he expressed
his mind freely upon the subject. say
ing that the constant interviews with
cabinet officers in the public press on
ali sorts of trivial subjects were undig-
nified The day this lecture took place
a newspaper manNhad interviewed Bis
sell about affairs in the postoffice de-
partment and had prepared very good
story. using quotation marks freely.
There was not much in the interview,
no subject of Importance. and it APP
peared in different papers under head
lines such as Interview With the r.
NJ. c.. discussed by BisseIl," "Mr.
BiSSell Talks" etc.
The nextiday dozen messengers In
formed the interviewer that the post
master general wanted to see him.
When he entered the Office he found
that official in a state of frenzy. His
large face was red with excitement
and passion.
what do you mean" he shouted,
''by interviewing me? What did you
put me in quotation marks for? Don't
you know that cabinet officers must
not be quoted?" And much more to
the same effect.
When the newspaper man got q
chance he asked if there had been a
misquotation and received a negative
reply why. was fixing up little
story for your benefit" the journalist
said Il thought you would want
people to know that you were menl-
Der of the cabinet and attending 70
business. Now, really, general, you
ought to feel battered"
"Oh, / know there's no harm in 1t,
and you meant well, but must not re
quoted or interviewed. Cabinet off,
GERS must not talk. And look at the
headlines" he continued, fourishing a
paper. 't'Mr. Bissell Talks blankety
blank itv'
The newspaper man could stand 1t
no longer and laughed outright, and
finally the good natured Bissell joined
him, although he was still far from
pleased The interview and the head
lines, coming on the heels of the Cleve-
land lecture about cabinet officers talk
ing too much, had greatly disturbed
him. He was apparently the first man
to violate the new instructions.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1904-02-04
Alaskan. Prefev Dried vegetables.

Alaslxans Prefer Dried Vegetables.
After two years I'm Alaska, living In
mining camp boarding house, III. @
Conrcy. who has come down here tc
spend the winter. was hunting through
grocery and provision stores IN search
Of Oregon desiccated soup vegetables
He was unable to find any. but insisted
that he had been using soup made
from them In Alaska oil the time be
had been there. When told that even
II this was so there was no use for
such here now, as the markets were
full Of all kinds Of vegetables. he said
he had become accustomed to the dried
vegetables and liked them better than
the fresh ones because they afforded q
fine variety OF seven different kinds
and were ready to put la the pot Al
once. He finally found q man who had
heard Of the disintegratsd, desiccated
vegetables he was searching for and
said they were put up Cor shipment to
Alaska by man at Dayton, but they
had never been introduced In the mar
ket here partly because there had been
no demand for them, but mostly be-
cause there had never beeA any more
made than the ALASKAN MARKET de.
manded. - Portland Oregontnn.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1904-02-04

Very successful trials have recently
taken place at Aidershot. ana without
doubt according to the London Chron-
icle, the teams Of eight horses that have
been hitherto necessary for moving
hugh At guns will be replaced by the
powerful and speedy motoe.
The water supply OF these motors IL
carried In three tank& and coal 10 used
for fuel. They vary In draft power
from four to ave tons and have negO-
tiated without difficulty the steepest
hills stopping and restarttng while On
the incline On steep inclines the en-
gines have been under perfect control.
Each motor carries cable drum on the
left side, t. be used In case OF emer-
gency. Should a gun stick an amount
OF cable Ia paid out, the brakes are put
on, the wheels blocked. and the drum
winds up the cable.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1904-02-04
FREE MEDICAL BOOKS
FOR THE SICK

NY Special method Of curing the chronic
diseases OF men and women has Justly won
recognition from the medical societies a. the
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1904-02-04
RUSSIAN TURF METHODS
AmeEacan Horses Coula Not wan I'm
LmmM Oa Cmmr

Amewscam Horses CouHa Not Wan lmS
Land o9 Cnmr.
Everything In Russia Ii done in the
name of the car, and racing is NO ex-
ception. There is an imperial commits
sion. of which the Grand Duke Con
stanoyitch is the whole thing" so to
speak, and under this commission the
affairs Of the various jockey clubs are
conducted that Is to say, they are sup
posed to be conducted, for In reality
the jockey clubs do just about as they
like, and their rulings are seldom inter-
fered with or changed In any particu-
lar.
There are three jockey clubs In Rus
STA. one being at Moscow one at War
saw and one at st. Petersburg. They
occupy somewhat the same relative POI
sition toward one another as do the
Eastern, Western and California clubs
In this country. They have only a
few interests in common. and it Is the
exception rather than the rube for the
findings Of the clubs to be respected by
either of the others. Racing begins in
Moscow on the 9th Of May. Following
this meeting comes the one at Warsaw,
which in turn gives way to st. Peters
burg.
The tracks are all ture and are pat
termed strictly after the English courses.
They have only three days racing a
week in Russia. ana Sunday is the
'big day. as 1t 10 In France. That Is
the day when all the deEbies and other
rich prizes are contested. Among Rus
sian trainers such a thing as special
preparation for a race il practically
unknown. 1t matters not how great
the prize or how much is at stake on
the result, the horse entered Is never
given a workout or put to any test to
determine his ability to go the dis
lance and carry the weight. In fact,
Russian training fs wholly confined to
walking and slow gallcps.
Any American hcrse taken to Russia
TO be raced would be 80 handicapped
and hampered as to make 1t an Inn
possibility for him to win. Likewise
horses trained by Americans and rid
den by American jockeys are made
such prolfbitive favorttes that It 10 out
OF the question to think of backing
them. There are NO bookmakers In
Russia, an betting on races being by
the French system, and this, too. is
controlled by the government illus
trated Sporting News.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1904-02-04

SACK. rheumatism, Kidney Trouble, Stomach
md Bowel Ailments. Bladder Trouble. Vari-
90 sele, Structure, Female Diseases, Blood Pol
SON.
whenever u AT all possible prefer to make
patients personal acquaintance, but If vol
We ont Of the city and cannot call, write me
ynat you suffer from and | win tell You the
l'nekestway 70 be cured, free; and send YOU
rec Of charge any enc of the following eight
medical books explaining my method or cure
!, Disesses Of the Vital Organs. 3. Female
diseases 8 Diseases of the Throat and Lungs
= Nervous Debility. 8. varicocele. g. strict
IRE. 2. Blood Poison. s. Rheumatism
kidney and bladder Troubles Can or write;
Dr, ]. NEWTON HATHAWAY, 81 Commercial
Blk, Sioux City, Iowa
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1904-02-04
i'IY MISSION IS 10 PAoIFY IRELAND. :


coat on my arm while he in his shirt
sleeves was welding an AK to cut down
tree. Up came q telegraph messen.
ger. He took the telegram. opened IL
and read it, then handed 1t to me,
speaking only two words. ''very sig
nificant' and at once resumed his
work The message merely stated that
General Grey would arrive that even
ing from Windsor. This OF course i'm
piled that i mandate was coming from
the queen charging Mr.. Gladstone with
the Formation of his first government.
After few minutes the blows ceased.
and Mr. Gladstone, resting on the ham
die of his ak, looked up and, with
deep earnestness in his voice and with
great intensity in his face, exclaimed,
.sAfy mission is to pacify Ireland. He
then resumed his task and never said
another word till the tree was down :
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1904-02-04

The most recent excavations show
that voauvius began its work as q con-
servator OF antiquity earlier than the
memorable year A. d. 20. During ths
excavations tn the valley OF the Sarno
near Marxano some most interesting
antiquities have come TO light. These
had been covered UP BY d volcanic de-
post about six feet thick, which points
to an eruption Of yesuyins which must
have taken place In the seventh cen.
tury before Christ The relics include q
Greek burying place. archaic Italian
sDmbs and various bronxes and terra
cottas.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1904-02-04
Ready For the Test.

A teacher III one of the schools near
Philadelphia had one day been SO dis
tHrbed BY the bnzzing Of lips and shut
ding OF feet Of the children that she
was on the verge of distraction. FL
naIIy she said: "children. cannot
stand 50 much noise. Please be quiet.
/ for little while at least. Let me see
II you can't De 50 still that you could
hear pin Drop
Instantly every child became as still
AS mouse Then d little boy in q
back seat piped out with marked Inn
patience:
Wen, let her dropF' Philadelphia
Ledger.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1904-02-04

Newly married couples in England
are now honored with cooperative
gifts. When couple are about To
marry their friends club together. com
bine the cash which they intend to
invest in presents and give them a
choice selection of useful or handsome
presents. There are no duplicates, no
trash. and there II 10 worry about the
right articles 70 choose.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1904-02-04
lsTkp w,r

He was asph aIcsoph er and talker.
She was wxnan s,f action. They
stood togetherson the ridge and watch
ed a tug that was ha uling long line
0e barges up the riveI.
ssLook there. my DEAR said he.
'sSsch is life. The tut is like the man.
working and toiling. iwhile the barges.
like the women, are"--
His wife gave hima no time to finish
the sentence. Il know she said. sThe
tug does all the blowh1g and the barges
bear all the burden,
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1904-02-04

Whaa q Lord Mayors samNmef Cesss.
Fourteen tons Of coal wera consumed
IN cooking the banquet given at the
London Guildhall III honor or lord
mayors dag. Forty turtles were
slaughtered TO provide go tureens u
soup. each tireen holding 4 pint ana
= half. while the serving Of the ban
quet required $50 walters and 5000
plate changes. the total eost being
about $1,000,
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1904-02-04
The Omcina Time,

Jerrold-As | was Saying, I had $5(
on Topnotch at 100 to l. The race wa.
six furlongs and Topnotch won.
Harold What was the time?
Jerrold- Why-er- heard the clock
strike 2 just as l woke up,-Puck.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1904-02-04
he Took 1t quietly.

John Morley in his life of Gladstone
tells how the latter received his first
invitation from Queen Victoria to form
a ministry. It was in 1858. He writes:
ION the afternoon of Dec. he received
at Hawarden the communication from
Windsor. I was standing by him.
says Mr.. Evelyn Ashley, holding his
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1904-02-04

world as well as from
the public in general.
Scattered an over this
broad land are tens
Of thousands whom
my skin as a specialist
has cured of all man
ner Of diseases such
as Catarrh, Asthma
Consumption Nervous,
Debility, Prematurity,
Weak heart, Weak
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1904-02-04
To Avoid Pnhlinitr

Young Author (who thinks himseli
famousl-I believe should enjoy m,
vacation better if could go incognito
Friend Good idea. Travel under
your nom de plume. New York Week
w.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1904-02-04

Girls have way Of getting lot Of
special scenery on wien they wait on
table at church social. Atchison
Globe.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1904-06-17
Great Sea Disasters.

Loss of the Russian flagship Petro-
pavlovsk at Port Arthur, with AID.
miral Makaroff and an estimated
strength of nearly 800 officers and
men, while severe blow to Russian
prestige in the far East. is one of
those catastrophes in naval warfare
to which an actual combatant is al
ways liable, though happily their oc'
currence is not common. In 1859
when Hawke did bang Monsieur Con
fans" at Quiberon bay, Sir Edward
Hawke ordered his pilot to lay the
Royal George of 100 guns, alongside
the Soleil Royal, the French admiral's
flagship. Before this could be done
another French ship, La Superbe, OF
seventy guns, CALAMITY interposed,
and, receiving her opponents broad.
side, went down into the deep with
her colors flying and $50 souls on
board. Her revenge, however, came
on Aug. %, 1882, when the Royal
George sunk at anchor off Spithead
in q squat.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1904-06-17
oPossUM A CRAFTY BEAST.
Writer Declares He Is Very Much
More knave Than Fool.

To the uninitiated the opossum is a
slow-going, stupid beast, with hardly
enough ambition to eat his food. But
those who have studied his habits de-
clare that there is more of the rogue
than the fool in his makeup, and that
his apparent stupidity is but part of
his business policy. He seldom goes
hungry, and he always has a hole to
crawl into when he is sleepy. And,
in spite of the slowness, he manages,
some way, to catch many animals
much swifter than he is. 1t is said
that even the brisk squirrel falls
prey to him in the open woods, where
one would think the spry little crea-
ture had all the advantage. The
opossum catches rats and mice, and
eats ground birds and their eggs. He
is not entirely restricted to meat
diet, however, but is fond of nearly
all the berries and other wild fruits
that grow in the woods and fields,
and has been known to creep into or
chards and berry patches to devour
cultivated fruits.-Detroit News-Trib.
une.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1904-06-17
FRENCH QUEEN OF THE MAY.
Pretty Custom That Prevails In
Southern Villages.

An ancient custom which still OBJ
France is a pretty variation of the
choosing of the May queen with
whirh we are so familiar. At this
seasOn of the year the mayor-each
tiny village in France boasts of
mayor-and six of his political Off
GERS choose from among the village
maidens the most beautiful girl. AS
soon as the choice is made known
the queen, dressed in white even to
long white veil and a wreath of white
roses, assemblies with her parents and
all the villagers in front of the may
or's house. Here he and six friends,
dressed in frock coats and top hats,
form in procession, the mayor and
queen leading, and march to the
church, where there is short cere-
mOny.
They then march back to the may.
or's house, where a favored few are
entertained at luncheon. When he
proposes her health he enumerates
her virtues. kisses her on both cheeks
and hands her an envelope which con-
tains the prize, 5000 in money. But
the ceremony does not end here.
They form in procession, the band
leading this time, and in a sort Of
follow my leader" game walk
through the village, up lanes and over
hills for three hours. That evening
ball is given at the inn, where the
queen dances first with the mayor and
his six friends and afterward with the
lads of the village, and so the cele-
bration ends. The queens white VEIL
and wreath, are carefully folded away
and are brought out again only when
she becomes a bride.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1904-06-17
TROUBLE IN THE BALKANS.
War Cloud Lowering in That Part Of
the World

the World.
In his estimates for the annual
budget of the Austro-Hungarian en-
pire, Count Goluchowski proposes the
expenditure of many extra million dol
lars on the army and navy. Until
this startling demand for an increase
was made everybody supposed that
Austria saw nothing ahead of her
which might disturb her peace, but
Immediately upon the submission of
Goluchowski's estimates European
politicians began to wonder for what
trouble Austria was looking. By a
process of elimination they finally ar
rived at the conclusion that Austria
must have designs on the Balkans.
The Austria-Russia plan of reform
for the Balkans has failed. Russia
is sufficiently engaged in the far east
to keep her hands tied. Austria feels
that it is propitious moment to go
ahead to Salonica.
But Italy objects to Austria touch
ing any part Of Albania on the east
coast of the Asiatic. Italy herself
feels that she has reversionary inter-
ests there. If Austria started to re
form" Albania, Italy would interfere.
Hence both Italy and Austria are now
arming, and the annual Balkan war
cloud has begun to lower.