Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1904-07-02
MRS. PRATTLEBYS BURGLAR.

war commission report that evening, and
he was lying in bed awake, but with
his eyes closed thinking things.
His wife fancied she heard a noise
down stairs, and promptly shook him up.
wake up, Hector" she whispered,
hoarsely; wake up, Hector Prattleby.
There are burglars in the house"
"How many:" oueried Prattleby,
calmly, without moving
Il can't say"
Are they male or female, or mixed 2"
why male, of course; what else
would they be?'
Have they arms? ?"
Two each, | expect, unless they are
cctopi"
Il am glad You suggested that posi-
bility, Euphemia. but you misunderstood
me. Are ley armed with offensive
weapons?"
How should l known"
How should you, indeed! Have they
been in long?"
81 haven't an idea"
Il don't believe you have. What are
they doing?"
ENVdilliE III" piAbCs piNDhH'S'
Have they any accomplices outsider
Perhaps they have. Who kEows?"
''You ought to know, Euphemia Pratt
itchy" said her husband. in grave rehuke.
you have constituted yourself the in,
telligence department in this affair, and
as such find you to be grossly incompe.
tent. You can give me no information
whatever beyond the bald statement that
Il L,
side the house"
Il didn't say there were at least
two"
Pardon me, Euphemia; you said dis
tinctly there were burglars-plural b'ug
lars-in the house. If plural burglars
does not mean at least two, he must be
a very singular burglar, indeed. Fer
haps, however, you are now inclined to
revise your original estimate. Perhaps
YOU can reduce the humber to one Per-
haps, indeed You may see your way to
withdraw your burglars altogether"
Perhaps you'd better go down and
make them withdraw yourself. They
aren't my burglars any more than yours"
As you persist in abiding to them in
the plural, | will make preparations ac-
cordingly," said Mr.. Prattleby, showing
no signs of rising. Goodness ir time Of
danger is half the battle"
You'll feel cooler still if you'll get up
and 60 down stairs" suegt sted Mrs. Pratt
tlcby.
Il will not add bad generalship, Eu-
phemia to the danger of the situation.
1t is enough that the intelligence depart
ment has proved itself criminally ncgl-
gent and ill-informed | must now con-
slider the hest means of defeating what
YOU asseveYate to be an indefinite NUM-
her OF male museum freaks purporting to
be burglars. | note, Euphemia, that in
your carefully thought.out series of ru-
mors YOU imply that they are hopelessly
insane -
Il never did. Don't suggest such a
horrible idea"
You suggested it yourself, Euphemia.
You said that their object was to steal
that battered heap of ill-eonditoned.
time-worn, electro galvarized German sill
yer YOU call your plate. This stamps
them right away as being raving lunatics
of the first water, probably with the
strength of two men apiece
oh, Hector, how awful! Why don't
YOU 90 aid drive them away ,"
1T is your wish, then, Euphemia Pratt
toby, that | should declare war upon
them without delay. That. poorly pre-
pared. misinformed and without a mo-
nentS warning, | should precipitate NY
self among Il garg OF double bodied mon
strosities, armed to the teeth and mad
dened by an insatiate desire for your
lS-carat Britannia metal That. single
handed, | should mul my elf upon them,
doubtless 80 fall Il victim to their insen-
safe rage, That. in word. | should
immediate myself for the sake of your sii
verified pewter ~lop basin BE il SO.
Euphemia Tosh or Prattleby. / 60"
M. Prattlcby got slowly out of bed.
walked over to the fireplace and peered
into the fcnder
IT is as ! feared he moaned; "the
armory Is empty. Where's the poker or
amy of the other tre-irons!' he de-
mandod.
Il took them all down stairs to get pol
ished Hector I'm SO sorry
And 50 You ought 10 be- First you
purvey unreliable and misleading iniar-
nation about the enemy, whom Won
allege to be 4 writing horde of eight.
armed human octori straight from the
mauhouSe after Your gilded zinc butter
dish. Nou then goad me 20 rush mallv
into their zone OF fire and fall riddlel
with bullets, without allowing me a
single moment in which to evolve my
strategy And when | am about t.
p)Wge into battle [ discover that my
arsenal Is depleted that the olitteriGe
mmory is only Tor show in time of peace
and that when war break, out ] am
VtaponlesS"
"C3n't won take q c1,li,s"