The Birmingham age-herald., 1904-09-04
ON THE AUTOMOBILE

By F. P. Dunne, Copyright, 1904, by Mc-
 Cure, Phillips & Go.
 well sir" said MT. Hennessy, 'it mus be gran to be rich an go r-runnin' around tn counthry in wan iv thim au- tymobills.'
 Tt must that" said MT. Dooley. its tn gran spoort entirely. Mex to a nay gro agitator in Georgia, I don't sup pose amy man gets as much excitement out iv short life as a millyonaire who owns an autymobill. Fr'm all I can larn about it firm tn pa-apers, a milly- onaire with an autymobill is constant ly steerin' between tn county jail an tn poor house. If tn polls don't land him in wan, tn autymobill will in tn other.
 "Whin Algernons father dies lavin him tn money iv tn widow an tn or plan, Algernon brushes a tear firm his eye an hurries over to Paris to get an autymobill Father used to go down town In a bus figurin' inthrest on his cuffs but there is nawthn' fr A1gy but an eighty-horse power red divvle thatll make tn demon haste-wagon iv his frind nex' dure look like mud scow. An he buys wan an with it a Fr-rinch shower. He calls tn shower Franshaw an tn shower calls him Canal He Is a naughty fireman this la-ad, fir he is a discindant iv Louis Flip an tn blood iv kings coorses in his veins He soon teaches Algernon his place which is un- dher tn autymobill fxin' up a busted valve an an afther that Algernon niver speaks to Franswaw onless he is spoken to an Franswaw niver speaks undher amy circumstances. Algernon turns over his property to him to buy tires an resigns himsilf to a life iv pleasure.
 ''He has it while tn autymobill Is In tn masheen shop havin' a few repairs put onto it. But wan day all is r-ready. Algernon asks Franswaw if he may go f'r spin an Franswaw motions him in- to tn seat iv honor beside tn shower. Now they're off Look at thim dash through tn crowded sthreets where tn happy childher ar-re to see thim. Espe- cially that little boy with tn golden locks. See, he has a turnip in his hand. Look look! He is goin' to give it to AL gy. He gives 1t to him just back iv tn ear. See those gintlemen comin out iv saloon. How proud they ar-re to meet Algernoon. Look, they ar-re tearin' up tn sthreets. They ar-re actually goin' to give Algernon tn r-right iv way. He gets 1t in tn small iv tn back What ar-re those pretty little girls doin'? They ar-re sthrewin' something In tn sthreet. Ar-re they sthrewin roses fr Algernen? No, they ar-re sthreewin' tacks. What is that explosion undher tn car followed be a cry fv Get a hoss'? Algernoon's tires have reached tn tacks. Ar-re tn little girls happy? They ar-re indeed. They ar-re laughin' an throwin coal into Algy's lap. Whi Is this who comes r-runnin' out iv a saloon atin' clove? It Is an officer iv tn law. Why does he seize Algernon be tn hair an dhrag him firm tn car? Algy is pinched, Hinnissy. Tn officer has saved him firm pauper's grave.
 Now tn sign iv naughty aristocracy is dragged befure tn coort which pro- ticts tn liberties iv tn people an tn freedom iv speech iv tn magistrates 'Haynious monsther,' says tn starn but just judge 'ye have been caught r-red handed. What have ye to say fr ye'er- silf? Niver mind 1t don't make amy difference annyhow. Ye cudden't tell tn thruth. l have no prejudice again ye riptile. I believe tn autymobill has come to stay, in tn barn. But tn rights iv citizeHs nus pc pro-ucleu why on y las week l was speedin a two-thirty trotter whin wan iv these injines iv de- sthruction come along through tn crowded thoroughfare an near frightened me out iv me wits. I stood up on me hind legs, I dropped tn reins, I thried to jump over a fence. If it hadn't been fir tn ca a'mness iv me wife an tn horse, wud surely have r-run away an p'raps injured somebody. I tell ye this little anecdote to show ye, mon