Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1904-07-14

was for some years after the civil war
cotton planter in the south. Mr..
Clapp had on his plantation little
boy in buttons called Sam" Sam one
afternoon pointed to a bottle on his
masters bureau, and said: Mars
Claiming. am dat hair oil?" Mercy,
no, Sam, that's glue" said Mr.. Clapp.
Il guess dass why l can't git NAB
cap off," said Sam, thoughtfully.
DR.. Evans, the American dentist,
who achieved such success in Paris,
once received, before he went abroad,
letter from a young Vermonter who
wanted a set of false teeth made anu
sent him. The letter concluded: MY
mouth is three inches acrost, FIVE
eighth inches threw the jaw. Some
hummocky on the edge. Shaped like
boss shew, toe forard. If you want
me to be more particular | shall have
to come thar"
When Charlemange Tower, United
States minister to Germany, was on
his way to that country, he fell into
conversation with very intelligent
lady, stranger, who told him that,
among the places she intended to
visit on her travels, was the Char
lemange Cathedral-"Charlem
Towers, I call Them" she added.
Then" said the diplomat, handing
her his card, when you go to Berlin
visit the one there"
At a colliery, near Leeds, is a shaft
with a staging around it, it's height
being considerably above the average
of such erections in the West Riding.
A miner had fallen off this staging to
the ground, and on recovering con.
seriousness, was offered a glass of
water by one of the men who had
picked him up. Looking at the water
in disgust and amazement, he exclaim-
ed: g -, hoo fur docs tha'
ha' to fall at this pit afore they gives
yer brandy?"
Mr.. Takahira, the Japanese minis
ter at Washington, is on friendly
terms with the Russian ambassador,
Count Cassini and is careful never
to say anything that will offend him.
But he likes harmless pleasantly
once in a while. Some one informed
him that President Roosevelt had de-
cided to discontinue the training in
jiu-jitsu, and asked him if he could
guess why. Cant imagine the rea-
son." replied the envoy; perhaps
breach of neutrality"
Here is a story that illustrates the
estimate the German citizen places
on sauerkraut as food staple. A Ger
man was speaking lastsfall about the
high price of cabbage. Il tell you,
desc kabbages is awful high, dis
year" he said; me und me wife puts
up six, seven, eight barrels of sauer-
kraut every year-but We can't dis
year. Dem kabbages dey cost too
much" You put up some sauer-
kraut, didn't you, Chris?" he was ask
ed. ooh, yes-two or tree barrels
just to have in de house in case OF
sickness"
Frank Everest, of Atchison, Kas.,
is a good deal of an American, having
small admiration left for foreign
lands or people. Not long ago he
went to Europe on business. During
the voyage he and other passengers
were much annoyed by a Bostonian,
who talked a great deal about the
number of times he had been abroad.
He laid great stress on the fact that
he went over twice a year. Have
you ever been abroad?" he asked
Everest. Everest admitted he was
making his first trip. Il 60 over
hn pncf0nion
ooh. do you?" replied Everest; and
he added, Have you ever been to
Omaha?" The Bostonian said he
hadn't "Well," said Everest, Il &c
there twice a week"
The visit of Wilhelmina, Queen of
Holland, to Italy recalls her life in
Florence with her mother in her girl
hood. They lived in a modest way,
going out daily on foot 1t is related
that one day they were going along
the Lung Arno, when they were &C
costed by beggar The Queen Re-
gent wanted to push on, fearing that
her daughter might catch some fear
full disease, but the little queen, hav-
ing a will of her own, insisted on
stopping. She questioned the man in
broken Italian, believing herself quite
unknown, and on proceeding gave him
half a franc. He looked from the sill
yer in his hand to her, and then back
again, and at LAST said, with an air
of impertinence: 80 your subjects
keep you as short as that! Poo.
queen!"
In 1898, when Thomas B. Reed was
Speaker of the House and JOSEPH
Cannon was chairman Of the Com.
mittee on Appropriations, both worked
hard to prevent war with Spain.
Reed would have held his position
with regard to the war until the
House deposed him, but Cannon felt
there was o limit. He was informed
by President Mckinley one day that
war was inevitable. so he prepared
bill appropriating fifty millions of dol
lars for national defenses. The news
spread that he was to introduce the
bill, and Reed was dumfounded. He
met Cannon in the elevator. Joe,
asked the Speaker, in voice of tense
emotion; "Joe' why in hell did you
do this thing?" Tom God AL
mighty won't stop this war, and |
don't believe Won cam was Mr. Can
mons reply. Nothing more was said.