davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Sauk Centre herald. (Sauk Centre, Stearns County, Minn.) 1886-current, 1904-10-13
A Hard Question.

Modern Maid-I wish some advice.
Old Lady-Certainly, my dear.
What is it?
Modern Maid-Shall l marry man
whose tastes are the opposite of mine,
and quarrel with him, or shall marry
a man whose tastes are the same as
mine, and get tired of HMM. Y.
Weekly.
The Sauk Centre herald. (Sauk Centre, Stearns County, Minn.) 1886-current, 1904-10-13
Had Never Learned.

Strange" said he to his partner
during the waltz, 81 remember when
l was about 16 solemnly promised my
Sunday-school teacher that I would
never learn to dance"
"And yet they say" she replied.
that a boy at that age can never
make promise and stick to it."-Tit-
Bits
The Sauk Centre herald. (Sauk Centre, Stearns County, Minn.) 1886-current, 1904-10-13
Unappreciative.

YES" said the man who uses old
fashioned phrases, my daughter can
make piano fairly talk"
IF that piano was talking" answered
Mr.. Cumrox. "the nature of its remarks
must have been something fearful
Washington Star.
The Sauk Centre herald. (Sauk Centre, Stearns County, Minn.) 1886-current, 1904-10-13
Sure Enough.

"Of course, don't want to criticise,
but [ don't think it was altogether
right for David to say all men are
liars
Well. at any rate, it was safer than
to pick out one man and say 1t to
him. "-Philadelphia Press.
The Sauk Centre herald. (Sauk Centre, Stearns County, Minn.) 1886-current, 1904-10-13
His Opinion of His Mother.

One day little four-year-old Elmer
had been naughty and his mother
found it necessary to use her slipper
rather freely. When his father came
home to dinner Elmer said: Papa
I wish you'd discharge mamma; she's
getting too bossy."-Los Angeles Her
aid,
The Sauk Centre herald. (Sauk Centre, Stearns County, Minn.) 1886-current, 1904-10-13
Mean of Her.

when he proposed" said Miss Ar
tique, coyly, 81 tried not to let him
read my answer in my face
Eyes," said Miss Critic.
YES" continued Miss Antique, with
girlish giggle, ''but he seemed to
know right away" -,
II suppose he read between the
lines. "-Pittsburg Press
The Sauk Centre herald. (Sauk Centre, Stearns County, Minn.) 1886-current, 1904-10-13
Tensity.

Show Mr.. Gazzletool's expression
has hardened" -.
'Yes," answered Miss Cayenne. o"He
used to have a mobile countenance
Now he has an automobile counten-
ance. "-Washington Star.
The Sauk Centre herald. (Sauk Centre, Stearns County, Minn.) 1886-current, 1904-10-13
What Struck Him First.

Native-So you've been visiting our
schools, eh? Splendid, aren't they? Mag
nificent discipline! Superb buildings!
Beautiful furnishing! BY the way,
want to ask you what was the first thing
that struck you on entering the primary
department?
Visitor (truthfully)-A pea from .
a-shooter.-Tit-Bits.
The Sauk Centre herald. (Sauk Centre, Stearns County, Minn.) 1886-current, 1904-10-13
Close to It.

Maude-And she didn't get a divorce
after finding a long blonde hair on her
husbands coat sleeve?
Claude Well, she certainly came
within hairs breadth Of getting one.
Town Topics.
The Sauk Centre herald. (Sauk Centre, Stearns County, Minn.) 1886-current, 1904-10-13
Among the Incurables.

Daisy-What do you think? Clarice
went and sang at an entertainment in
private insane asylum.
Edie-Did she say whether they
showed their insanity much?
"Oh, yes; they encored her three
times. "-Tit-Bits.
The Sauk Centre herald. (Sauk Centre, Stearns County, Minn.) 1886-current, 1904-10-13
Not Strange.

There was a strange man at the
door just npow, ma'am, and l dom
think he Gould tell the truth if he
tried" said the maid.
why, then, do you say he was a
strange man, Bridget" replied the
woman, who was living with her sec
ond husband.-Yonkers Statesman.
The Sauk Centre herald. (Sauk Centre, Stearns County, Minn.) 1886-current, 1904-10-13
a. Will 5SSNNER ~
GZzkkISnILESA%
tG -N11AQqSAaSaa x x * Sa szsas w.
No Retreat.

Buzfus-Good morning. I've just
looked in to tell you something about
that new cashier Of yours.
Smarte-Yes? "
Buzfus-Why, found out quite by
accident that she had to bolt FROM
New York.
Smarte-I know all about that.
That's why engaged him. 49,.
Buzfus-What?
Smarte-Dont you see that's a
guarantee that he can't go back there
with my money?-Ally Sloper.
The Sauk Centre herald. (Sauk Centre, Stearns County, Minn.) 1886-current, 1904-10-13
A sumner.

by George, that Mrs. Ka F1ippe is
q stunning woman, isn't she?"
81 should think so. She hit me with
her automobile the other day and it
was three hours before I woke up
Chicago Rccord-Herald.
The Sauk Centre herald. (Sauk Centre, Stearns County, Minn.) 1886-current, 1904-10-13
The Difference.

Little Rodney-Papa, what is the diff
ference between climate and weather?
Mr.. Wayout (of Dismalhurst-on-the
Blink Climate, my SON, is what To-
cality has when you are buying home
there. and weather is what 1t has after
wards.-Puck
The Sauk Centre herald. (Sauk Centre, Stearns County, Minn.) 1886-current, 1904-10-13

Phyllis-So you and Fred quarreled,
did you?
Sylvia-Yes; he said something that
l didn't like, and l told him we rust
be strangers henceforth.
-Phyllis-And did he fall on his knees
and ask you to forgive him?
Sylvia-Not he. You see he-er-
that is, his knees were very much oc-
cupied at the time-Cincinnati En-
quirer.
The Sauk Centre herald. (Sauk Centre, Stearns County, Minn.) 1886-current, 1904-10-13
The Cav Soubrette.

81 cannot sing the old songs
She screeched with much ado;
And no one would have cared rap
Had she cut out the new
Cincinnati Enquirer.
The Sauk Centre herald. (Sauk Centre, Stearns County, Minn.) 1886-current, 1904-10-13
What He Learned.

A fellow once went to a night school
To learn how to read in the dark.
But he got stuck on his teacher
And all that he learned was to spark.
Chicago Chronicle
The Sauk Centre herald. (Sauk Centre, Stearns County, Minn.) 1886-current, 1904-10-13
Changed the Month.

Mrs. Dearborn-Were you married
in June?
Mrs. WaEash-Yes, cnce on the 5th.
once on the 8th, once on the 10th and
another time on the 10th; but I've
switched off to October; that's my
marry ng moth now!-Yonkers
Statesman
The Sauk Centre herald. (Sauk Centre, Stearns County, Minn.) 1886-current, 1904-10-13
Last Resort.

"Woman!" shouted Mr. Van Albert,
crushing his teeth on granite muffin.
go ahead!" spoke Mrs. Van Albert,
sweetly. Il suppose you are going to say
I'll drive you to drink"
Worse than that-you'll drive me to
free lunch. "-Chicago Daily News.
The Sauk Centre herald. (Sauk Centre, Stearns County, Minn.) 1886-current, 1904-10-13
Lifting the blockade.

He Suppose were to attempt to
steal a kiss-would you be very angry?
She-Indeed I would-if-t-
He--If what?
Shelf it got no farther than an at
tempt.-Cincinnati Enquirer.
The Sauk Centre herald. (Sauk Centre, Stearns County, Minn.) 1886-current, 1904-10-13
A Victim.

yes" said the fireman, there were
two men in the building playing chess
and one Of them is in the ruins yet. We
couldn't get him out"
why, how was that?' .-a..
"He insisted that it wasn't his move. 4"
-Philadelphia Press.
The Sauk Centre herald. (Sauk Centre, Stearns County, Minn.) 1886-current, 1904-10-13
DISTINGUISHED Ancestry

Mrs. Parvenu OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES
any of your ancestors men of note?
Mr.. Flippant-Yes, madam, should
say SO. One of them was the most
famous admiral of his day, and COM
manded the allied forces of the world.
Mrs. Parvenu with altered tone OF
leep respect)-Is it possible, Mr.. Flip
pant? And what was his name?
Mr.. Flippant-Noah, madam.-Tit-
Bits
The Sauk Centre herald. (Sauk Centre, Stearns County, Minn.) 1886-current, 1904-10-13
One Way.

Farmer Brown want to increase
the value of my cattle.
Lawyer Jones-Why don't you tie
them on the railroad track and let
the train run over them, then each
COW would betworth at least $780,
Cincinnati Commercial Tribune.
The Sauk Centre herald. (Sauk Centre, Stearns County, Minn.) 1886-current, 1904-10-13
Hopeless.

There are at least 1000 good rea-
sons why should marry her."
well, what are they?"
First, because I want to, and she
herself is the other 999."-Town Top
icS,
The Sauk Centre herald. (Sauk Centre, Stearns County, Minn.) 1886-current, 1904-10-13
Just the Thing.

Our new comic paper" said the en-
thusiastic publisher, has made such
hit we're thinking of calling it Cold
"Cold?"
eyes, SO many people take 1t. Appro-
pirate, eh?"
VERY. When people take cold it
makes them sick. Press.
The Sauk Centre herald. (Sauk Centre, Stearns County, Minn.) 1886-current, 1904-10-13
Men aossips.

Men are as bad gossips as women.
Only they deliver straight goods, :
man to man, instead of backbitins
and then gushing with pretensions Of
regard when they meet.-Good House
keeping.
The Sauk Centre herald. (Sauk Centre, Stearns County, Minn.) 1886-current, 1904-10-13
verv Often.

Little Elmer Ca thoughtful lad.
Papa, what is meant by FOUR plain
duty?"
Prof. Broadhead- Something very
unattractive. my son,-Puck.
The Sauk Centre herald. (Sauk Centre, Stearns County, Minn.) 1886-current, 1904-10-13
ERNEST HAROLD BAYNES
Professional knowledge.

II am sorry, doctor, you were not able
to attend my supper last night; it would
have done you good to be there"
"It has already done me good, mad
am. l have just prescribed for three of
the guests. Chicago Journal,
The Sauk Centre herald. (Sauk Centre, Stearns County, Minn.) 1886-current, 1904-10-13
The Point of View.

The wheat crop may be short, or long:
1t may dry up and burn:
Chiropodists will not care much
The corn crops their concern.
N. 0. Times-Democrat
The Sauk Centre herald. (Sauk Centre, Stearns County, Minn.) 1886-current, 1904-10-13
Adapted,

els he still wearing that old straw
hat?"
"No, haven't you heard? He actual
ly bought a new felt one"
"Well, well! That's truly a long
wanted felt, isn't t?"'-Philadelphis
Press.
The Sauk Centre herald. (Sauk Centre, Stearns County, Minn.) 1886-current, 1904-10-13
Trua Enouph.

II one could remember. when asked
for advice, that his friend wants only
confirmation of his own Judgment it
would save much heartache. Toledo
Blade.
The Sauk Centre herald. (Sauk Centre, Stearns County, Minn.) 1886-current, 1904-10-13
Modesty.

She was a maiden lady,
So modest and so prim
That when she wanted leg Of lamb,
She always asked for limb.
Cincinnati Commercial Tribune.
The Sauk Centre herald. (Sauk Centre, Stearns County, Minn.) 1886-current, 1904-10-13
Situation Wanted.

II want a job" said the ragged tramp,
To the employment agents clerk;
81 want a job-a good, steady job.
At any old thing-but work"
Chicago Daily News.
The Sauk Centre herald. (Sauk Centre, Stearns County, Minn.) 1886-current, 1904-10-13
In the DAYS of His Youth

''Have you felt slippers, sir?'' she said.
The shopman blusEed and scratched his
head.
Then, smiling back he found his tongue:
II felt 'em often when l was young
-Tit-BitS
The Sauk Centre herald. (Sauk Centre, Stearns County, Minn.) 1886-current, 1904-10-13

He-Some one has started the story
that have the big head. What do you
think of it?
She-There's nothing in it.-Chicago
Journal.
The Sauk Centre herald. (Sauk Centre, Stearns County, Minn.) 1886-current, 1904-10-13

Kwoter-Ah! yes, death is impartial.
1t seeks out the poor man and the rich
man alike.
Wiseman-Not exactly alike. In the
latter case it is usually accompanied by
reporters. Standard.
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1904-10-03
POINTED PARAGRAPHS.

The very best man can do is not
very much. e%.s ~ 2: q. g.
Some way 1t causes a smile when a
married woman announces that she is
taking music lessons. s|,E B. I q.
To be a fool Is always bad enough,
but to be q fool and be in love is the
most fatal OF all the combinations of
fool. Z e
Remember when you run away from
punishment that punishment has a
great habit OF waiting around till you
come back. 5.s,s.s Al WIZ Ss5f.
One Of the most pitiful sights In the
world y an intelli gent energetic, pro
ressive woman married 70 q worthless
man who doesn't know much.
is When q girl buys her wedding outfit
she should leave her father enough
money to pay for the relief expedition
~ may be compelled to send to her
slatae On Atchison Globe.
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1904-10-03
altering sramps.

No change or alteration Of any sort
should be made by collector in his
stamps. 1t was custom some years
ago among collectors to erase cancella-
ton marks from their stamps In order
to make their stamps better. The ef-
feet Of the attempt was not all that
could be desired. The erasures were
not perfect, and the stamps ID the
changed condition. being neither can
celed nor uncanceled, were simply In
ferior damaged specimens. One OF the
most common ways OF altering stamps
at the present time is to erase the word
specimen from a stamp having this
,overprint It cannot be done 80 that II
WIN not be detected. and the stamp Iii
the altered condition Ii 4 worthless,
while 40 specimen II had some
value. II has frequently happened that
stamps, valuable IN their original CON
siition. have been made worthless by,
attempts TO Increase their value BY
alteration. st. Nicholas. ss;ss
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1904-10-03
North Dakota Farm Profits. A

Devils Lake Inter Ocean: John
chrigtopherson Of South Mime aukan
township, threshed 40 acres Of wheat
which which Yielded IS bushels graded No,
| hard. and was sold at fila. A calcu.
lation will show that the actual income
from this 40acres was 81, 596. or 500. 90
per acre. He had 200 acres which was
nearly as good, but to be conservative
count the yield at Is bushels and the
price at $1.04 which was the lowest
price for which it was sold. This
makes the income $500 per acre, OF
5000 for the farm. Land in that
part of the county could have beer
purchased last spring at $40 per acre
These 200 acres would have cost $4,000
The crop would have paid for the LAND
and left the neat sum Of 81 200, which
would have covered the expense Of thu
crop and the living for an ordinary
family for a year. s S5 l4:. q
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1904-10-03
TERRIBLE REAR'END COLLISION
Another Better.

M Sheldon Progress Judge Palda Is
striving to keen the Judiciary ont Of
politics by accepting the democratic
nomination in the Eighth. Palda was
appointed by Governor White when
the district was created TO gain the
support o. Major Murphy and against
the protests d the bar. Murphy was
outside the breaatworks when the time
came to- return the governors favor
and wac still there when his friend
5Palda#was q cand idate IN the republi-
cam judicial convention. II Palda
comes within several hundred votes Of
election The Progress takes very
Incorrect long distance view OF the
situation. VI I 81 i 5Ssl n \. III
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1904-10-03
FAMILIAR HOSPITALITY.
3he Way Villagers In the Orient EN-
tertain Passing Strangers.

=
terrain Passing Strangers.
The villagers who entertain the
stranger IN their houses naturally
enough exl,ect him to talk to them, for
thus only can he give them the return
they anticipate for their hospitality.
As a general rule they will accept no
remuneration for the food and shelter
they give, but they do expect payment
for the feed Of the animals.
The conversation one has to carry on
with the host and the other villagers
who drop in to see and pay their re-
spects to the stranger is entertaining
and even amusing as long as one is a
novice in the country. because it is
unsophisticated prattle, such as one
must have heard in Europe in the mid
die ages. One unfailing topic is the
rotundity Of the world. the negative
side Of the question being always de-
Tended. They cannot believe that the
sun remains stationary, for why should
they disregard the evidence of their
own eyes, which shows them that it
does move across the vault Of heaveng
They ask you how much tribute your
countrymen pay to their padishah
whom we wrongly call SULTAN, whose
foot is upon the neck of all nations, as
they firmly believe. They inquire mi
nutely into your business at home and
your reasons for travel in their coun-
Try, etc. They handle with childlike
Joy and amazement your rifle and re-
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1904-10-03
Pr PROFESSIONAL EATERS.

Indfans Employ Substitutes to Com
III sumo Food For Them. = -
az One OF the most striking customs OF
the past that are preserved by the In
.dians Of today Is found among the
tribes on the Devils Lake reserya-
ton In North Dakota. An official Of
the Indian service gives the following
account Of this peculiar prac tice: #
From time immem orial the Devils:
Lake Sioux have adhered to an old
custom In regard to the treatment of
a guest. Il According to their etiquette,
It IS the bounden duty Of the host to
supply his guest with all the food he
may desire, and as q rule the appor-,
donment set before the visiting Indian
IS much In excess OF the capacity Of q
single man. ;sst 5..s. . s5s$i
s B But by the same custom the guest
- obliged to eat all that Is. placed be-
fore him. else he grossly insults his
entertainer 1t was found that this
practice would work la hardship, but
instead Of dispensing with the GUS
5SUA ~ uSS 1NuASlA VII SuSOAAAuS
was applied, and what Is known as the
professional eater was brought to the
front. a n 81 5$ ss5 sssss
While the guest is supposed to eat
all that Isl placed before him, it serves
the same purpose Il his neighbor as-
sists Ia devouring the bountiful repast.
the main object being to have the
plate clean when the meal iss finished. n
s;iss II IS not always prac ticable to de-
pend upon q neigh bor at table to AS
gsists Ia getting away with q large din
ner, and III order to insure the final
consumption OF the allotted portion
visiting Indians call upon these pro-
fessiOnai eaters, whose duty 1t Is to
nit beside them through ID meal and
sat what the guest leave The pro-
fessionai eaters are never looked upon
IA the Hight OF guests, v but more Obi
travelling compani6hs with q particns
lar duty TO. perform.
These eaters receive from 81 to- 81
and even IS Tor each meal where they
assist lit 10 stated BY the agent OF
the DeYilss Lake reseryat don that one
of the Professional eaters has been
known Ao dispose Of seventeen pounds
IL beef 1T i sitting. That they are
capable of eating an almost fabulous
amount myself can testif ~ NV.
Gispic Gazette b
III
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1904-10-03
LIVELY CONVENTION
In NELSON COUNTY

Gronna, by vote of 67 to 43, for
states attorney. The nominations
were not made until this evening.
The ticket: .--. r. s,.',a n
Senator Swenson, Aneta. i.
Reprhs F. l.. Dahl, Ham.
line; A. R. swendsid. Petersburg.
While the Gronna element lost in
the nomination for states attorney,
they succeeded in landing some other
.candi dates, and from start to finish
the convention was the most animal
ing ever held in Nelson county.
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1904-10-03

Nj Lakota, N. D., Oct. 3.-The republi-
can county convention today develop
ed several contests for nominations
that we're not settled until the second
ballot ii some instances, and the large
number Of candidates made the CON
yention one Of the greatest enthusi:
assn. s :@ & y 81 $3 t.5! 81 $ s$l#
s George D. Kelly, who had the sup.
port Of Attorney General Erich, his
business associate, defeated Fred A.
Kelley, who was supported by "a. J.
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1904-10-03
POSTMASTER GENERAL
.PAYNE. SINKING
He Rallies Temporarily Following the Ad-
ministering Of Stimnlants, But Death
Is Momentarily Expected.

momentarils expected. He was saved
by stimulants. Since then he has
rallied somewhat but danger Of death
is said to be imminent. u. :.
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1904-10-03
NORTH DAKOTA DAY Il
AT ST LOUIS
The Reception TO Governor and Mrs. White
and Other State Officers Pleasant
Affair.
The Agricultural Part OF the States Exhibit
Wins About Ito Medals The Missouri
Slope Fares Well.

I, Worlds Fair, st. Louis, Oct AT
ter wearing overcoats for q week the
weather man got things twisted around
SO that all hands pinned for linen
busters last Tuesday North Dakota
day. The heat was simply sizzling
and collars soon looked like weeping
willows. The saving grace OF the day,
on the occasion of the reception to
Governor and Mrs. White and visiting
state officers, was the electric fans
which were going at the rate of 500
revolutions and kept the air in mo-
ton. y ,.$.ss 1:q..'' s, y -. lSI
The reception was an exceedingly
pleasant affair and was marked by
great informality, making it really
more pleasing to, the states guests
than If It had been the stitfest function
ever. There was no receiving line,
the guests simply being received by
some of the booth attaches who pre-
sented them to Gov. Bartlett, who in
turn presented them to Gov. and Mrs
White and Commissioner and Mrs
Turner. The guests were then served
with REFRESHMENTS that we're most ele
CANT and dainty. The headquarters
booth was beautifully decorated witt
palms, smilax, carnations and Ameri
can beauty roses, and a Filipino
orchestra, concealed in palms, furnish
ed delightfully."- soft instrumental music
About 500 guests attended the recep
ton, representing most every nation
upon the earth and including President
Francis, who came accompanied BY
nearly all the exposition directors, who
| at the close of the reception took the
governor and Mrs. White and Mr.. ant
Mrs. Turner for ride around the
grounds in an eight-horse coach. Ii
the evening all the North Dakotans a.
the exposition dined at the Tyrolea1
Alps as the guests of the state com
mission in honor of Governor White
a function requiring several hours tt
discuss Altogether the day was mos
pleasant and Gov. Bartlett has beer
the recipient of many congratulations
upon the novel and unique features
the handsome decorations, and genera
+, success of the state day.
The judges Of award have abou,
completed their work, and, while re
suits have not been ofticially 'announc
ed, and will not be for some time
North Dakota has every reason to be
proud of the showing made. From un
official sources we make out that the
agricultural part of the state exhibit
has won about 116 medals ranging as
follows Five grand prizes as follows
For beauty and novelty Of installation
for macaroni wheat, best general col
lection of wheats, best general collec
ton Of grasses and grass seeds. fo1
butter statue. Sixty-seven colo
medals, 80 silver medals and IA bronze
medals for individual exhibits
While we are practically certain who
gets these medals we are not at liberty
at this time to make the announcement,
as it would be a discourtesy to the
Judges to anticipate their report But
can say that a very large proportion
LOT the awards have gone to the Mis-
souri, slope, particularly to Burleigt