Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1904-03-11
sToRIETTEs.

DR.. Parkhurst's attention had been
called to a morning newspaper &C.
count of an, interview with his dear
old friend, Thomas c. Plat, and PAL
ticulurly to the senator's assertion, Il
am In town for business and reli-
gion." Then was contemptuous
snort: why use eight words when
six would do? If Platts going into
religion, it must be for business.
I The following tale is told OF the
| Bishop of London. Having INDUCED
| that precarious pastime Of asking any
small boy or girl in the audience to
ask him a question. DR.. Ingram was
| met by the following: please, sir,
| why did the angels walk up and down
| Jacobs ladder when they had Wings
It is sad to record that even the
| Bishop Of London was driven to make
the usual humiliating and miserable
| escape by returning, What little boy
| or girl would like to answer this?"
Browning had a maid in his service
who had a gift for saying quaint
things. When the poet was going to
| pay the last mark Of respect to
| George Henry Lewes. she said she
didn't see the good of catching cold
at other peoples funerals" And
| once, when he was away on holiday
and journalist came to the door 70
inquire if it were true that the poet
| was dead, she Indignantly answered,
II have not heard so. and am sure
my master is not the kind of man to
do such thing without letting as
know"
An English lawyer. who had been
cross-eXaminirg witness for some
time, and who had sorely taxed the
patience Of the Judge, jury, and every
one in the court, was finally asked by
the court to conclude his cross-exami-
nation. Before telling the witness to
stand down, he accost-d him with this
parting sarcasm: "Ah. you're
clever fsllog-a very clever fellow
we can all see ti7t." The witness
feared over from the box and quietly
retorted: 4 would return the COM
pEme1t if were rot on oatl."
During the CAMPAIGN OF 1900. when
people made pilgr.uages to Canton,
O.. to call On President Mckinley, a
delegation OF commercial travellers
came. one day, and we're cordially re.
csived by the President. The spokes.
man. il thanking 8!r. Mckinley for
their reception, said: We are nearly
all your enthusiastic sUpporters-I
say nearly all, fer there are seventeen
of us, and we are all good Republi.
cans but one" Instantly the Presi-
dent responded: Gentlemen, am
glad to see you; you represent exact.
ly the issue of the campaign-sixteen
to one"
Jack, the colored servant Of Lionel
Barrymore, has quite a flock of child
rem, all of them with Biblical names, |
as their father Is very religious, AMI
great student of the Bible. A boy
was added to the family not long ago,
and Jack confessed himself puzzled |
as to name for him. "You see,"
he explained, "we'se bout 'sausted all |
dem characters-sich as David an
Amos an Solomon. De women sug.
gests Balaam. but Use calculatin' on |
Hallowed." ,"Hallowcd" Eyes, sab:
de book Suggests it fch itself. Hal |
lowed be Thy name sab. l reckon
We'll leave it dab, sah."
The intricacies of the English |
language are demonstrated by the |
story of business man who, knowing |
nothing of horses, took his wife for !
drive He was anxious about the dis |
position Of the horse he was to drive,
and was assured by the liveryman
from whom he hired it that the ami.
NAL was perfectly safe as long as the
reins were not allowed to become
mixed up with his ts:l. The city man
1esitated, but was encouraged to pro-
ceed by the assurance, IF you lust
Keep the rein away from his tail
will be all right" AS he returned the
horse in the evening the liveryman
said: well, see you have had no
rouble." "Oh, no." said the man;
we had only one shower while we
we're out, and my wife held her UNI
'rella over KS tail while that lasted"
A boy employed in his fathers shoe
actory in Salem, Mass, lost his finger
n a machine. He sued his father for
damages and the verdict was In his
avor.
A Georgia editor defends the large
lats Worn by women. He says that
they have their faults, but to us they
.lways prove a blessing, for many
s the time we have sat behind them
a church and slept undisturbed
whole sermon"
A fond mother in an inland town in
Gaine has son ct Yale. She recently
1rote to President Hadley, of that in.
titution, to inform him that her be-
owed son is troubled with dyspepsia,
nd requested that he will "see that
Ter sons landlady supplies him with
glass of fresh milk every night be-
ore retiring, as John is SO forsetful
7hen studying"
Mamma, give me penny" said
he seven-yearold son of Mrs. Annie
)evan, of Janesburg, N. ]. He saw
lis mother sitting in chair, and
made the request as he approached
Ter. No answer came, and the bow
manifested alarm. He rushed out
Or nelghbcr, who On arriving, dis.
overed that Mrs. Devan was dead
The had died Of heart disease,
. There was a great time in Great
send. Kansas, short time ago, when
IS new Jail was finished and declared
eady for occupancy. The prisoners
Jere decorously marched from the
Id Jail to the new one, but they must |
OF have been pleased with their nav
uarters, for that night they all es ,
aped but two, and those refused tn
ace the wintry blasts, oreading pneu. =
lonia. q
Billion Dollar Grass.