Waterbury evening Democrat., 1904-01-11
LAUGHS FOR B0NIFACEs
Shafts of Wit Enliven Hotel
 Association Dinner.
DUEL BETTY RIVAL HUMoRIsTs

birneon Foz.d ana F. B. Murphy Spoke SEor ChasapionshaD at Annual Ban-
 &uet of New York Hotel Men-For- x sner TeIls of Their woes-Latter
 Can Fool AZ the People All the
 Time.
 Never have the hotel men of New York enjoyed so fine reunion as that of the other night, when they celebrated the twenty-fifth anniversary of the Hotel association withs banquet at Delmonico's.
 Simeon Ford and Patrick F. Murphy fought shxesvd battle of wit for tue after dinner speaking championship of She world.
 MT. Murphy went first to bat.
 Among the many arts and sciences," 1" ne said, .-that have come to us from selassic time there Is one that was com paratfvely unknown to the Greeks and Romans, but which today has reached It's acme of perfection under the cultiva- ton Of the h0tel men.
 It Is the science which teaches how ko get fiae greatest possible amount of beneft from guest at the least possi- ble amount Of cost to the hotel.
 ssOne of the great fruits of this sci 'ence is forcing the guest to pay the swages of the hotel help, and it is ar panged and shaped In such scientific manner that the public imagine they are doing it of their owB.free will un- < der the name of gratuftiss or tips
 2 This tipping system was created by way of furnishing an outlet for the spverdoWing simplicity of a guileless public, and there Is something slyly satirical about the Institution when we reflect that the word tip Is an ahbrevia- 'fion and was originally called T. I. :. the initial letters of three words, tTo Insure Promptness.'
 am speaking the sentiments of a large and emaciated constituency when T say that Abraham Lincoln's famous phrase in Iiterature is now shattered, for hotel men can fool all of the people all of the time.
 Since the delirium of finance has swept through the country and left it's i Impress, like storms on the roofs, we should cultivate cheereulness and be satisfied with what is left A multi snillionaire who lost In one day all his { wealth with the exception of $100, 900 was so affected by grief that he died when the news reached him. His brother. who had been poor all his life, inheri.ed the $1o0, 900 and died of joy the very day he heard the news"
 Simeon Ford looked taller and leanar and solenner than ever when he arose.
 tsOne year ago. he said, I've were all throwing bouquets at each other be- cause the wave of prosperity had struck us. We'll, that wave pretty nearly swamped us, and we are now dashed to the mast and sending up sig 'nals Of distress, and unless the board 4ers get together and come to our aid we are liable to founder In deep water, and there will be naught to mark our resting place save 8 few bubbles. <Whereyer hotei man rests a few bubbles are always in evidence
 The worst misfortune which can be- fall hotel man is to experience an era of prosperity. We can handle ad- wersity easy enough, because we are used to 1t, but the minute the hotel keeper shows bis head above water ev- sery capitalist in the land. wants a fin ger in the pie. buys $1 100000 corner, erects $5,0O0,0O0 tower and prepares to sit in the game.
 tsNo man in this room can name one lhaH of the new hotels erected in this city during the year and wouldn't want to if he could. They are as the sands pf the sea. We are suffering from un- digested hotels. Some day they may all be filed. but the balance of the M