Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1904-07-21
The Calamity HowIer.

EDITORIAL NoTE-The article fol-
lowing under the above caption was
prepared sometime ago by j. W.
Guerin of Agra. This is the first
time it has been published.
The prophet of disaster, better
known as the calamity bowler, is al
ways in evidence, continually predict
ing failure and woe.
Prosperity may abide; science may
advance; the map Of both hemisphereS
may change but the calamity bowler
remains the same.
Away back in the dim and distant
past, where memory blends swimming
holes, birds nests, and stone bruises
in misty panoramic recollection, he
he sang the same song that greetS us
dow.
Although the origin of the bowler
is Shrouded in mystery, his later evo-
luton is plainly marked. As a young
man you may distinguish him from
the common herd by the badge upon
the seat of his pantaloonS. He quits
school as soon as he gets big enough
to bluff the old man, and begins train
ing his voice for the time when he
shall be enthroned upon dry goods
box, from which point Of vantage
he can proclaim to other howerS that
the country is going to the Devil.
He takes his meals with pa and ma
and hangs out at some sunny or shady
place depending upon The weather.
At the age Of about Il the chrySalis
is fully developed and behold we have
The pin-headed man Of the genus
bowler. But he does not stop there.
In the course OF human events he
comes to the parting Of the ways. Pa
and ma either cast him off Or die OF
broken hearts leaving him to depend
upon his own resources. 1t Is then
that his communicating presence
makes itself felt.
When the frost king loosens his icy
grip and the wild goose has passed to
the northward; when our native song
sters have returned from their pill
grimage in the south; when all nature
seems glad, and Hope is budding in
! the human breast; the bowler Initiates
\ his lungs with poisonous gas and goes
forth TO SOW the seeds OF discomfort
and doubt. Yea;eyea-befoEe the tiny
wheat sprout comes up out OF the
earth, he predicts failure Of the crop
and he can tell you just how he
knows. Should the yield be thirty
buShel per acre, he claims slight
error In reckoning the schedule time OF
the hot winds, but assures you that IL
will be on hand with the goods In
plenty of time to nip the corn in the
uud.
If corn makes home run, he drops
the crop question and trains his gums
ON the banker or in fact anybody who
has more money than himself.
He never for minute doubts that
calamity will overtake everything
sooner or later and he can be found In
every CLINE and walk of life. He is
as old as Kansas and yet he is never
spoken of as a substantial citizen. He
always draws Sustenance from the
rear mamillary gland and whines at
Providence for showing him so far
back.
Ii an all wise Providence has made
any provision for the calamity bowler
we humbly ask, where does he belong?
And in the name of suffering human
ity, above all, why is he inflicted upon
the commonwealth of Kansas. Kan
Sas: where one year with another
struggle and difficulty call into activi-
ty every atom of hope that the human
breast can possibly contain; where
the history Of every man and woman
who are bringing Kansas to the stars
is a continued story Of diSappoint-
ments and opposing forces that
bring the tears and make the heart
sick; where you will read Of men who
when Hope seemed to have forsaken
them gave another pull at their belt
to make the hunger smaller, came up
smiling and tried it again. Stayed
al Ike through the screeching north
wester and when 1.-The blightiDg hot
winds came from the sunbaked prai.
rleS OF the southwest and made their
hair curl like grass.
Through 1t all the bowler Stuce
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