davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1904-05-05
Lecture by Professor Theophrastus Me
lanchthon Potts, LII D, on the False
Conclusions of the EVolutionist

Lecture by Professor Theophrastus Me
lanchthon Potts. Ii. D, on the False
Conclusions of the Evolutionist.
the lecture and what in the argot OF
the newspapers, "he said in part" mean
ing, OF course part Of what he said,
and for the first time in her life felt
pride in her husbands learning and re
morse for her want Of appreciation Of
him.
As she sat there reading the conclud-
ing lines the door opened and Professor
Potts stood, astonished, on the thresh-
old. A moment, and then he stepped
forward briskly, greeting her with a
smile and a kiss.
why, what n delightful surprise!
But you must be hungry. Let me order
you some supper"
Mrs. Potts, wondering at the cor
diality of the professor replied:
"Wait a moment, dear. Before we do
anything else 1 want to ask your par
don for the past and PROMISE
"Oh, cut that short, dear. That's just
what l was going to do myself, only
you forestalled me"
'I've been listening to the phono-
graph
''So've l, and see we've reached the
same conclusion, so enough's said. Give
me kisH."
A smothered "Ha, ha" from the con-
servatory brought the professor with
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1904-05-05
GLOVES IN EARLY DAYS.
They Were often 5Iade 10 Hepresent
the Man WHO Wore Them.

ttg ~ ere cEftn TshGS 10 hCDEesent
the Man WHO Wore Them
In the early days everything was not
regulated Tor the people, as it is now,
by the government ana the law courts
Europe was still young then, and peo-
pie had rough and ready means of deal
ing with one another, Of buying and
selling or giving goods and property
and settling disputes. A glove. as it
was very close indeed to a mans hand,
came in course of time to be looked
upon as taking the place of the hand it
self, and sometimes took the mans
place and was made to represent him.
For example, to open a fair 1t was
necessary then to have the consent and
protection of the great lord in whose
country it was going to be held. Those
who wished to open the fair would
come TO the nobleman and petition him
to be present. He might be very busy,
or bored at the idea of having to 20, vet
he would know that it must be opened
or his people would be discontented.
SO he would say to the leaders of the
people: "NO, my trusty fellows, | can't
open the fair in person, but l will send
my glove to do it. You all know my
glove. Nobody has one like 1t in the
country. II is the one my lady mother
embroidered for me in colored silks and
silver wire, and it has a deep violet
fringe. You can hang 1t above the en-
trance of your fair grounds as a sign
that you are acting with my permis-
sion. If any one disputes your right or
touches his masters glove | will attend
TO him; that's all"' SO the glove would
travel in state to open the fair.-St
Nicholas.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1904-05-05
THE EVERGREENS.

White Pine-Five needles in a bun
die; scales of cone thickened at the top.
Scotch Pine-Two blush green, short
needles in Il bundle.
Fir.-Erect cone; fiat spreading nee
dies scattered singly.
Austrian Pine.-Two long, dark green
needles in Il bundle.
Norway Spruce. - Large hanging
cones scattered needles point all ways.
Hemlock.-Small hanging cones; fiat
spray
Larch.-Many needles in a cluster
fall off each year; erect cones.
Red Cedar-Hluish berries; sharp
prickly spray.
Arbor Vit9.-TIat branches; cones
few scaled, and only two seeds under
each.
White Cedar-Concs roundish, with
four To eight seeds under each.
Pitch Pine.-Dark stiff needles ar.
ranged i'm threes. Boston Post.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1904-05-05
The "weepin9 Willow song

Some people have heard of the ballad
containing the words "Pll hang my
harp on weeping willow tree" but
perhaps it is not generally known that
the author was young man who fell
desperately in love with Queen Victo-
ria, at that time girl of seventeen.
This young lover was heir to a baronet-
cy but baronets cannot approach royal
ty in the guise Of suitor, though it
took some time before the romantic
youth could be brought to understand
this fact. When at last he did SO, he
sat down in despair and wrote the now
well known ballad, which was at that
time published in London paper, and
then he emigrated to Australia.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1904-05-05

| JENNY, DO YOU THINK AM Al ALL III
BLAMET"
| 1t. | won't, | won't. | WON'T
Calm yourself, my love- I'm not
your love! You've disgraced me-" Sob
-sOb-sOb! "I'll get a divorce. Your
children are shamed forever" "Good
heavens, madam, you will drive me in
sane. Can't you keep still five minutes
till finish my work, and then III come
to bed with NO, sir. No, sir! You
and l are parted forever "Well.
dang it all, I'll get . divorce or any
thing to please VI; only let me-
The blastoderm'-
c'What! Cur 1g your wife, are
you" "A blasl0derm is not Il curse.
1t is tne OUTER mo, sir. No, sir! If
you dare say one word more into that
miserable instrument I'll smash the
wretched thing to piecesrD
Bang. Br-r-r-r-r-r.
At first Jenny tried 10 keep up her
stenographic report, but as matters be-
gan tC get mixed she stayed her pencil
and leaned back In her cha prey to
varying feelings, Surprise, sorrow at
the quarrel between her uncle and aunt
and an urgent desire to burst into
laughter at the absurdity Of the situa-
tion struggled for the mastery. She
could picture the gentle professor-mild
in all matters except in the cnthusias-
tic opposition with which he confronted
the materialistic tendencies of the age
-harried to death by his sloldjng wife
as she stood behind his chair uncon-
sciously registering herself in the in
strument.
Hubert had stopped his promenade
and was now writhing in a rocking
chair in incipient convulsions.
ITS sharle to laugh" Jenny said.
Think Of po old uncle going through
oil Of that and that was only the be-
ginning But it's time to go to the mat
iuee. I'll put the record away. for an
idea has sh le. I'll think it out Mt
the theater, when we get back we
ca- out our ir~ads together"
objection to doing that now"
bert did it, receiving in return
nd being called IAN impudent
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1904-05-05
Ge Shaming
OF the Shrew
By ANDREW
EDWARD LYNCH

WY ELL, Jenny, are you ready
w. yetT exclaimed Hubert
w Elwood as he somewhat
impatientiy paced tie floor
OF the study OF Professor Potts in High
plane college, of which institution he
(HuberD was junior member Of the
faculty.
"Oh, there's plenty of time The mat
inee will not begin for an hour. Thank
heaven. I'm on the last record of un-
cle's lecture which he is to deliver to
morrow" And the pretty niece and
stenographer of Professyr TEcophra~
tus Melanchthon Potts, LII. d., &C, OF
Highplane college placed the cylinder
In the phonOgraph and began taking
down the words which the professor
had spoken into It the night before.
Br-r-rrr,
''In conclusion. gentlemen, | would
call your attention to the fact that Mr..
Herbert spencer makes use of the neb-
planet which is 10 be finally dissipated
into the attenuatcd matter out OF which
it arose. and Mr.. Darwin declares that
the noble @ end to be attained by man,
IT, object of evolution. is the rearing
or tue greatest number of individuals
in full health and yigor and with all
their faculties perfect under the condi-
tons TO which they are subject What
a lame and impotent conclusion to all
the grand aspirations OF Milton and
Shakespeare, of painter or sculptor, Of
philosopher or scientist! That end were
better attained by the reprr dive saw
age, the swarming yep man, the
Moslem polygamist or sturdy Nor
mon. And then when W. have attained
this grand anticlimax we will be 'dissi-
pated into attenuated matter and the
same fool process will begin over again.
And do the fittest survive? The di-
pornis"--
Here a female voice broke in, MY
dear, are you still at that stupid lee
tureT "Tll be through In a minute,
my love-
lis gone and the emu remains; the
mastodon. thirty feet high, is represent
ed by an eight TO an eleven foot ele-
phant and the ichthyosaurus by the
wretched little horned toad; the ptero-
dactyl, that bird with its fine set Of
teeth, has degenerated into the hen,
whose lack of teeth has become proyer-
bial. triturating its food In a cropful OF
gravel: the savage
c'Hens' teeth and savages! Do you
know. Theophrastus, that it is more
than half past IL o'clock? l have no
patience with you-your children neg
lected, the kitchen chimney smoking
Thucydides Erasmus Potts, your own
son, comes In with his clothes torn and
his nose bleeding. all on account of
that impudent little Johnson boy, and
you won't take his part and V
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1904-05-05
Sleep For Insomnia.

Patient-Can you give me something
for insomnia? Physician-I can rec
ommend something, which amounts to
the same thing. Patient-For heavens
sake, tell me at once. Physician
There is, in fact, only one sovereign
remedy for sleeplessness, and that is
sleep. Three dollars, please.-Boston
TRANSCRIPT
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1904-05-05
Dentists Use Much co,a.

If there is a scarcity of gold during
the twenty-tirst and twenty second cen
turies dentists, according to a German
statisticlan. VIII probably be more to
blame than any one else
He asserts that they use every year
in filing teeth and other work about
500 Kilograms of gold. the value OF
which is 100000, and that at this rate
the eraveyards of the various coun-
tries will contain in 300 years from
now $150,OOO.OOO worth of gold.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1904-05-05
A snhatitnte For IntIn.

In an English school recently GER
tain boy was regularly absent during
the hour in which Latin was taught.
The teacher called upon the boys ia
ther. at whose instructions it had been
learned he remained away. and asked
for an explanation. The father said:
1T IS all right. During the Latin hour
| am teaching Jimmy something that
he will find far more useful than Latin
in his progress through life" The
teacher was interested and asked
what this subject might be. The fa-
ther replied, II am teaching my son
how to shave without a looking glass
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1904-05-05
Crab Shells os Rerometers

A curious barometer is said to be
used by the remnant of the AraucaniaD
race which inhabits the southcrnmost
province of Chile 1t consists of the
cast off shell Of a crab. The dead shell
IS white in fair, dry weather, but the
approach Of moist atmosphere is indi-
Gated by the appearance of small red
spots. As the moisture in the air in
creases the shell becomes entirely red
and remains so throughout the rainy
season
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1904-05-05
A Distrust of Lfterature

You are always more or less skep-
tcal about what you see in print"
yes" answered the man who has
his own ideas about things. Truth
may be at the bottom of a well. but
it isn't an ink we'll l''-Washington Star
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1904-05-05

a
DRELW
bound - the door, and his voice halted
the cuIprits before they could escape in
to the garden. Looking rather shame
faced, Jenny and Hubert came in.
Il suppose we've got to thank you
rascals for this. Let's burn the record
and go to supper"
mo, no." said Mrs. Potts. 'l'll lock
it up for use in case we have a relapse" ="
As a wedding present a few months
later Jenny received a phonograph with
the following prescription:
II One Phonograph.
NJ. ct Sig.
To be ubed as directed Cunless the
experience of others before mar
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1904-05-05

New Hork.....,..,..ar $50 SOC 735 s sc
"Daily, fDaiy except Sunday.
fStOps on signal or on notice to conductor
stops on signal to take on passengers lOr
New York, BinghamtOn and oints west.
I. +. CLARKE L. W. LEE
Gen. superintendent. Gen.PLt
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1904-05-05

To be used as directed (unless the
experience of others before mar
rage should render II Unnecessary.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1904-05-05

Weekdays Daily. f Flag station.
Pullman ParOr AID Sleeping Cars run Oh
through trains between ssGcbury, Williamsport
and Erie between Sunbury an1 Philadelphia
and Washington and between Harrisburg, Pitts
burg and the West.
For iurther information apply to Ticket Agents
w. W. ATTERBURY, j. X. WOOD
Gen1 Manager Pass. Traffic Mgr
GEO w BOYD, Gen'l Passenger Agent.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1904-05-05
Rohhers Mnl.c rsc nf Thts mcrh.

In New Caledonia there is said to be
an herb which has the rare property
Of revealing ones secrets. 1t is known
white flowers and rough berries full Of
dark grains They are treated of in the
Annals Of Hygiene and Colonial Med
icine." a person who has swallowed
the tea made of this herb will after
falling asleep tell where his money is
hidden and will also arise and go di-
rect to where his treasure IS concealed.
Robbers often use this tea as Knockout
drops with which to rob their victims.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1904-05-05
PENNSYLVANIA RAILROAD,

TIME TABLE
In Effect Nov. 29th, 1908.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1904-05-05

WVY ELL, Jenny. are you ready
w. yetT' exclaimed Hubert
w Elwood as he somewhat
impAtientIY nacnl tLn noor
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1904-05-05

A NJ "A. NJ. p. NJ
Scrantont D&H)lv SS 20 Al l ~ "a IS .....
Pittston 05 .f1c15S210 So .....
The Billings gazette. [volume] (Billings, Mont.) 1896-1919, 1904-03-08
ROADS. IN BAD CONDITION.
Military Operations Are Greatly Ham.
pered Ia Korea.

W ~
London, March THE Daily Mails
Pingyang correspondent, under date OF
March 3, describes the great difficult
ties to be met with ON the road from
Seoul. He says that recent thaws
broke up the roads, which again have
become frozen over, while from time
to time there are severe snowstorms.
One pass which the correspondent
t~raversed was covered with sheets OF
sloptng ice. The country as far as
Hwangdu is mountainous and I'M
pregnable from the north, but after
ward it becomes more open. He said
1t is piteous to e the terror OF the
Korean refugees fleeing through the
snow with their household goods.
Cabling under Sundays date the
same correspondent says that the mis-
sionaries are averse to leaving Ping
yang and are not likely to accept the
offer of United States Minister Allen
to allow refugees to go aboard the
United States cruiser Cincinnati, as
they believe they will be able to es-
cape later should the situation become
acute.
1t is stated that there will be no
Japanese advance until 100000 men
have been concentrated at Pingyang.
Cossacks are keeping a sharp watch
on the Japanese movements.
The Russian cruiser Auroro has ar.
rived at Suda bay, Turkey.
The Billings gazette. [volume] (Billings, Mont.) 1896-1919, 1904-03-08
KING EDWARD DISTRESSED.
British Monarch Deeply Deplores Wa
in the Far East.

British Monarch Deeply Deplores War
in the Far East.
Paris, March 1.-THE Mathis Lon
don correspondent sends to his paper
the report of a conversation had with
q parsonage intimate with King Ed
ward who had just left the palace.
This parsonage said the king spoke
upon the subject of the war in the far
East and he repeated his majesty's
words as follows:
ri am much distressed at the Russo
Japanese war, which I consider q most
deplorable event. On the other hand
l consider that our good understanding
with France has never been more use
full than it is at present and believe
that it Is likely to become more and
more useful, not only in the interest
of France and Great Britain, but In
the higher interest of general peace.
Should complications arise, despite all
efforts to prevent them, the union be-
tween France and England will render
the greatest service. That union
must be closely maintained for the
good Of alb whatever may happen. !
hope the press of all countries, the
English press included, will strive to
alternate difficulties rather than to
aggravate them"
The correspondent adds that the in
terlocutor not only authorized a repe-
tition of the kings words but read the
correspondents dispatch, affirming
that his majesty's remarks were cor.
rectly rendered.
The Billings gazette. [volume] (Billings, Mont.) 1896-1919, 1904-03-08
WOULD chEckMA7E THE JAPs.
Russians to Prevent Threatened Flank
ina Movement in Korea.

Russians to Prevent Threatened Flank
ing Movement In Korea.
St. Petersburg, March 7.-Advices
from Vladivostok say that the $500
Japanese troops who landed at Plak-
sin bay, on the east coast of Northern
Korea, are advancing toward Musan,
218 miles from Gensan, with the inten-
ton of ultimately reaching Hunchun,
on the left bank of the Tumen river.
about 100 miles west of Vladivostok,
and threatening the Russian flank. In
order to checkmate this move the Rus
sian outpost, 1900 strong, which re-
Gently crossed the Tumen, is advanc-
ing to occupy Koyryong, on the Tumen
river, a walled city commanding the
trails along which the Japanese must
pass.
The naval mobilization foreshadow-
ed in press dispatches vas partially
decided upon Sunday. Three eastern
provinces of European Russia, Vyatka,
Perm and Ufa, are included in the
plan. the purpose stated being the
strengthening of the crews of the Pa
cific squadron.
The Billings gazette. [volume] (Billings, Mont.) 1896-1919, 1904-03-08
ONLY RUSSIAN REPORTS.
And They Give Little information Re-
aarding vIadivostok Bombardment.

garding v~Iadivostok Bombardment.
London, March 7.-Only Russian re-
ports on the bombardment of Vladi-
vostok have yet been received, and
these give no indications as to wheth-
err the Russian squadron is still there.
According to a report from Toxic the
squadron was seen off Gensan, Korea,
last Thursday, but on this point there
is no reliable information. Specula-
ton, however, mostly inclines to the
belief that the Russian squadron is
not in port at Vladivostok, as neither
the official nor the other reports of
the b~ombardment mention Russian
battleships.
Port Arthur dispatches of Saturday
and Sunday say that everything is
quiet there and on the Liaotung PENN
sula. The Japanese cruiser squadron
was seen accommodating of Port Ar
thur Friday night during q heavy
snowstorm.
The Daily T~elegraph's Chefoo CORE
spondent says the Russians are still
employing thousands Of coolies at
Port Arthur and Dalny on entrench-
ments and new forts, and that they are
also mounting over 100 guns to pro-
tect the neck of the isthmus.
The Billings gazette. [volume] (Billings, Mont.) 1896-1919, 1904-03-08
LONGEST TELEGRAPH LINE.
Direct Communication Established Be-
tween st, PETERSBURG and Mukden.

Direct Communication Established Be-
tween st. Petersburg and Mukden.
st. Petersburg, March 7.-Direct
through telegraph communication is
now established between Viceroy Alex
ieff's headquarters at Mukden and st.
Petersburg. This is believed to be the
longest circuit in the world, being over
5000, whereas the direct communica-
ton between London and Teheran, a
distance of only 5000 miles, has hith-
erto been the longest.
Prince Louis Napoleon, who has
been in. command Of a grenadier bril-
gade in the Caucasus, has arrived here
and the understanding is that he will
receive an important command ON the
frontier. The prince had an interview
with the emperor Sunday and request
ed a command. His request will be
granted.
The Billings gazette. [volume] (Billings, Mont.) 1896-1919, 1904-03-08
JAPAN MAY DO LIKEWISE.
Russia Refuses to Respect Neutrality
of Chinese Railway.

nOS8Sd nSTuSSS 10 nG0pSSS SNSOes AMY
Of Chinese Railway.
London, March IA correspondent
of the Times at Picking has visited the
railway outside the great wall and
comments on Russia's refusal to re-
spect it's neutrality as opening the way
for Japan to similarly disregard it's
neutrality. The correspondent says:
Russia is patrolling the railway
nearly to the great wall with small
bodies of cavalry. At every station
there are two sets Of guards, one COM
posed of General Yuan Shat Kai's we'll
behaved troops, and the other of I'M
disciplined troops sent by the Tartar
general of Mukden. There are twenty
of General Yuan Shat Kai's men at
each station, with a larger body at
Sinmintun. With the exception Of
the railway guards there are no Chi,
nese foreign-drilled troops outside the
wall in Manchuria province. Russia
forbids any increase in their num-
bers.
ut is believed that when the river
opens the Russians will destroy the
gunboat Sivottch at Newchwang to
prevent her capture. A
"All accounts agree that the Russians
have commandered an immense num-
her of Chinese carts and are concen-
trating on the Yalu river, where the
first battle is expected"
The Billings gazette. [volume] (Billings, Mont.) 1896-1919, 1904-03-08
FIVE PERSONS KILLED.
Russian Woman Among Victims Of
Japanese Bombardment.

Russian Woman Among Victims OF
Japanese .Bombardment.
St. Petersburg, March 7.-Oficial
dispatches received here concerning
the bombardment of Vladivostok by a
Japanese feet Sunday afternoon do
not mention any Russian losses,
but private advices say that five
were killed, four. sailors and the
wife of an engineer. 1t is apparent
the Japanese were afraid to risk expos
ing their ships to the plunging fire of
the land batteries, and it is consider
ed probable here that the attack was
really for the purpose of drawing the
fire of the Russian forts, compelling
the Russians to disclose their position
and calibre of their guns and also for
the purpose of as%certaining whether
the Russian squadron is in port. If
this was the object of the Japanese it
is believed to have failed signally, as
the batteries did not fire a shot, and
If the squadron is in port it could not
be seen from the Japanese position in
the Bay of Usuri on account of the
high land which rises from the coast
on that side, ob~structing the view Of
the harbOr.
The Billings gazette. [volume] (Billings, Mont.) 1896-1919, 1904-03-08
TWO THEATERs BURN.
Suspicious circumstances Attend Fires
at EImira, N. Y,

Suspicious circumstances Attend Fires
at Elmira, N. Y.
Elmira, N. Y, March Fire broke
out in a cigar factory under the Ly-
ceum theater at 11:15 o'clock last
night and soon the entire block was a
mass of flames. 1t started from a
natural gas explosion, it is stated. The
Lyceum theater, one of the Refs cir
cult of houses and owned by Colonel
D. G. Robinson, was totally destroyed;
loss, SOS. 900. The rest of the block
was badly burned and the loss will be
owe $50, 900. The Elks' lodgerooms
were destroyed. Henry Boulle, a
stage manager, was nearly suffocated
by the smoke when rescued. The Ma
mie Fleming repertoir company lost
its trunks and scenery.
At 1 o'clock Monday morning a
burning rag was found on the Audi
forum stage. This theater is in the
Realty building, next to the Lyceum.
It is thought from this that both thea
tiers were deliberately set on fire.
At $3.50 the Auditorium theater was
burning and it looked as if the Realty
office building might be destroyed.