The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1904-05-26
PILGRIM JOE.
He Tells of Some Dfscouragements
While Seeking to UpIft Humanity.

With integrity for my motto and the
lamp Of virtue lightin' my pathway. I
arrived at the ambishus town of Jack
Rose ana set up my tent to take tin
YPes at ten cents 2 take. When 1
-ad taken 80, and was congra tulaun
myself on addin' to the happiness Of
mankind, disaster overlook me. A
soap man had struck the town a week
before and presented every critter of
man with a pictur of Apollo, and ev-
cry crltter of woman with pictur
OF Venus, and bekase 1 couldn't make
their tintypes look like the pictur's l
was looked upon as fraud and a
The mayors wife led the procession
agln me. She was a red-headed wo-
man with a twisted nose and long
Jaw, and her back bumped up till she
could hardly keep her heels on the
ground Nevertheless, she came to me
with her tintype in one hand and her
ptctur' of Venus in the other ana talk
ed against my integrity OF character.
L could only recommend her 10 Try d
bottle of my Pilgrim Pain Aleviator'
and offered to refund the price II II
did not cure her, but alas! that was
not enough.
language, and so many eggs ana otheI
missiles were thrown al me that mao
trouble in hitchin' up my old moss anu
gittin' out of town. 1t was ohly WEI
I was three miles away that uareo
draw rein and say to myself;
"a vain woman is to be pitied and
vain man is to be called a fool, but
nevertheless, the world IS ruled by van
fty more than by common sense
And also:
'sHe that is simply fow-down mean
kin hev it kicked out of him, but he
that thinks hisself purity is more dam
gerous than serpent in the patch-
And likewise.
Against he that would rob me I have
weapons of defense. but against she
3 or
fly the coop to my financial loss"
However, after reachin the cross
roads and takin' the highways lords
the town of Happy Squat grew more
placid in my mind, and half an hour
later I was forgivin' my enemies and
dggerin' out that not more than one
out of every 20 eggs thrown had tounu
q target. When entered the town the
same old benign expression rested on
ny cOuntenance, as 1 saw by lookln
an my handglass, and 1 was prepared
to bow right and left in the most pa
ternal manner.
As I was the first person who had
entered Happy Squat with Il tintype
outfit, there was a grand rush Tor
spring bargains, and when the sun
went down 1 was dollars ahead of
the game. The field was ready for
the reaper and promised sixty bushels
to the acre, but no man knOWeth what
a night may bring forth. L was re
clinin' in my tent and musin on the
cussedness of human natur in gineral
when a fatherly lookin' old man with
whiskers down to his chest intruded
and hailed me with:
"Feller pilgrim, I greet thee with
gladness and great joy. Long may
thee live to travel about the land
I replied in words suitable to the
occasion, and he explained that he
was also in my line of business,
though not so extensively. While my
mission was to condole, comfort and
sympathize with mankind as fast as
came to cases in need, he was trav-
elm with a headache powder and a
dandruff eradfcatOr and mpathizfn'
only with purchasers of the same. AS
he pinted out, there was no need for
us to clash and feel rancorous lords
each other, and he suggested that we
travel in company. To this I de-
INJURED. as each pilgrim should stand
or fall alone, accordin' to my idea.