Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1904-08-09

SCARED our Of A WIFE


land, making everything Jingle with
its frosty breath, that 1 was seated be-
fore a blazing fire, surrounded by a
jolly half dozen boys and an old bach
elor, a Peter Green, about forty and
eight years old.
1t was just the night without to
make those within enjoy a good story,
SO each of us had to tell his favorite
story, save Mr.. Green, and as he was
q jolly stOry-teller, we were somewhat
surprised to hear him say, Il have no
story that would interest yOu," so we
had to find other entertainments for a
while, when one of the boys told Inc
to ask him how it happened that he
never got married SO | did.
well, gentlemen he began, cit ooes
not seem right for me tell how that
happened, but as it is about myself, l
don't care much. You see when | was
young we had to walk as far as five
miles to church, and singing school,
which was our chief enjoyment. But
this don't have anything to do with my
not getting a wife, but | just wanted
y
them days in getting our sport.
John Smith and l were like broth
ers, or like Mary and her lamb
Where one went the other was sure to
go. SO we went TO see two sisters, and
as we were not the best boys imagine
able, the old gentleman took umbrage
and would not allow us to come near
L koI- 1an irfc
to the end of the lane, and there we
would have to take the final kiss.
I'VE soon got tired of this sort of
fun, and 1 told John, on our way TO
singing school one night. that / was
going to take Sadie home, and that
was going into the house, too. He said
the old man would ruin us if l did.
Il told him l was going to risk it
anyhow. let come what would. He said
he would risk it if l would.
$50 home we went with the girls.
When we got to the end of the lane
tod the girls we proposed going all the
way.
They looked al each other in way
1 didn't like too well, but said they
(the old folks would be in bed, so they
didn't care if we did They were a
little more surprised when | told them
we thought of going in little while,
but all was quiet when we got to the
house. as we had no trouble in getting
into the kitchen. Then and there we
had our first court, and | made up my
mind to ask Sadie to be my wife the
next time l came.
1T was now past the turn of the
night, and as we had four miles to
walk, told John we had better be go
ing. So we stepped out on the porch,
but Just then the sky was lighted up
by lighting, and one tremendous thun-
der peal rolled along the mountain
sides Its echo had not died away in
the far off wales until the rain began
TO pour from the garnered fullness of
the clouds. We waited TOR it to stop
until we were all sleepy, when the girls
said we could so to bed in the little
room at the head of the stairs which
led out of the kitchen, as their father
did not get up early we could be at
home before the old folks were astir.
So after bidding the girls good night,
and wishing them sweet dreams, and
promising them to come back on the
next Saturday night we started TO
bed
I'VE didn't have far to so, as the bed
stood near the head of the stairs. John
was soon in bed, but as l was always
F,rIl ~ ..rIri fs-ff
was looking around the little room.
AT last | thought l would sit down
on chest, which was spread over
with q nice white cloth, while drew
off my boots. so down l sat, when,
stars of the East. went plump into a
big custard pie!
~ thought John would die laughing,
for he said smashed that custard into
a shapeless mass and the plate right In
two You see we had to be awful
Quiet. so the old man would not hear.
AZ was now ready to get into bed, so
nut the light out and picked up my
boots. thinking to put them in more
convenient place. when down one of
my legs went through a pipe hole,
which had been covered by paper, up
to my hip.
Now one part of me was up stairs
while the longest part of me was IN
the kitchen. AS my leg was very long,
II reached shelf which was occupied
bv dishes. pans. coffee pots, etc, and
turned it over with tremendous
crash.
THE girls had not retired, and we
could hear them laugh fit TO split their
sides. | felt awfully shamed. and was
scared until my heart was in my
throat. for l expected the old man ey-
cry moment.
Il extricated my leg from the con
founded hole just in time. for the old
lady looked into the kitchen from the
room door and asked what all that
noise was about The girls put her on
as best they could and | went to bed
while John was strangling himself un'
der the cover to keep from laughing
aloud.
I'VE soon went OF into the land of
dreams with the hope of waking early
| wish l could tell you my dreams but
II would take me too long. One mo-
ment weald fancr myself by the side
of my Sadie. ANA the next would be
diving from the OLD man, while he
would be fiourlshing his cane aAorS
my head. This came TO an end bs
John giving me a kick
~On waking up and looking around
saw Johns eyes as big as my fist
while the sun was shining in at III,
window.
What to do. we couldn't tell, for Y,
heard the old man having family pay
er il. the kitchen.
John looked out of the window an,
said we could get down over tn
porch.
Get out and dress as soon as pos