davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Arizona republican., 1904-10-09
REcoRD-BREAKINe SERMONS.
Five or Six Hours at a Stretch and
 Divisions up to "86thly."

No English congregation would have listened to such sermons as used to be popular in the Presbyterian churches of Scotland. There is indeed a story told of dissenting preacher named Lobb in the seventeenth century who, when South went to hear him, being mount ed up in the pulpit and naming his text, made nothing of splitting it up into tweaty-siX divisions, upon which sep arately he very carefully undertook to expa.iate in their order. Thereupon the doctor rose up. and, jogging the friend who bore him company, said: Let us go home and fetch our gowns and slippers, for I find this man will make night work of it. "
 But MT. LObb himself was humane in the pulpit as compared to a. certain MT. Thomas Boston, to whose sermonr Sir Archibald Geikie has lately drawn attention in his fascinating Scottish "Reminiscences" MT. Thomas Boston. who wrote a book called "Primitiae te Ultima" was minister of the Gospel at Ettrick. In a sermon on Fear and Hope, Objects of the Divine CompIa cency" from the text Psalm cxivii.. II -fThe Lord taketh pleasure in them
Arizona republican., 1904-10-09
JOKES THAT MAKE LAPS LAUGH.
Some Old Friends Seem to Be Known
 to the Mikado's People Also.

In a review of a collection of funny stories called "Kokkei HyalHu ShOwa' by MT. Kubo Tendzui the Japan Weekly Mail quotes the following as being pe- culiarIy characteristic of Japanese hu- nor:
 A certain government official, who in oIden. times used to be called a "Daik- wan," but now is known as d "Guncho" Chead of a district, having been re- gently apointed to q certain district, was engaged in tour of inspection. when his notice was attracted by the approach of an old man who was too tipsy to walk straight. From side to side did this drunkard reel, his progress being as zigzag as that of q sandcrling. Wondering who the man could be, the district officer accosted him and, after much difficulty ascertained that he was the head of the village which he had come to inspect. Thinking 1t to be his duty to make use of the occasion fO- obtaining reliable information, the dis trict officer asked the toper how many houses and how many people there were in the village. There are 100 houses and, males and females Included co persons in the village" replied the man. Puzzled by receiving such an answer the district officer asked, How can that be?" There is nothing wrong about that replied the head of the village Besides these GO there are lany amount of people in the village,
 but since they are creatures who know
 not what it is to drink they are not, l
 take it, worthy of being mentioned"
Arizona republican., 1904-10-09
DOTS FOR THE DEBUTANTE.

Let those who will, be cIever-you learn to cook child.
 Real estate is a better investment than roses after the honeymoon vaneS-
 The wife Of the devoted husband nine case out of ten has made an ex- haustive study of digestion.
 CoqUetry may catch a man, but cook ing chains him to your heart.
Arizona republican., 1904-10-09

A certain samuri having purchased a fine sword, was desirous of testing it. So he went to the beggars' quarter in Kyoto and accostinG a beggar who was standing in front of hut, he said: 'I want to try this sword. l am willing to give you 100 ryo if you will let me kill you with it." Won't you give me 50 ryo for letting you half kill me?" in- quired the beggar.
Arizona republican., 1904-10-09
A KISS ALLOWED.

A Russian news correspondent in Manchuria telegraphed to his wife on she anniversary of the wedding day; Dearest Maria, I kiss you devotedly.' had marked it: Allowed. Senior Lieu tenant B."
Arizona republican., 1904-10-09

The term ''Yabu'' is applied to doc. tors who prescribe wrong medicines. Now. it happened once that a quack having been the means of killing the only son of a certain house, the parents determined to have their revenge or him. So they sued him at a court of law. The affair was eventually patched up by the worthy quack giving the be- reaved parents his own son in return for the one he had killed. Not long after this event, the said quack heard Q loud knocking at his door one night. On going to the door he was informed that one of his neighbor's wives was dangerously i'll and that his presence was required at once. Turning to his wife, he said; This requires consider ton, my dear. There Is no knowing but that it may end in their taking you from me"
Arizona republican., 1904-10-09
COFFEE

There is such a thing as good coffee!
 Write for our Knowledge Book, schining & Company, San Francisco.
Arizona republican., 1904-10-09

knock against him. The doctor flew into 9 rage and raising his hand was about to strike the man who had knocked against him, when the latter, prostrating himself on the ground, said: Please not touch me with your hand, but kick me instead" Asked by some body near why he made this request, the man replied: Those who are handled by doctors nearly all die. It is better to be kicked"
Arizona republican., 1904-10-09

As a doctor was going along the road one day, a passer-by happened to
Arizona republican., 1904-10-09

once upon a time it happened that five or six burglars, armed with swords and shouting like men attacking an enemy on the battlefield, came bounc- ing into the house of certain doctor. The whole household, with the e1cep- ton of the master, were paralyzed. They felt as though iron chains had been placed around them and not one of them moved hand or foot. They watched in terror to see what would happen, when, To and behold! the rob bers took their departure without steal ing a thing. Though they could not tell what was the meaning of this strange
 hing, certain it was that the family was safe. But where was the head of che house? After searching through the rooms they found him in his dispen- .sary- There he stood in the midst ci the drugs, medicine spoon in hand look ing fierce and triumphant What are you doing here?" inquired one of inc members of his household. Smiling
 he replied, Those robbers were per
 haps as noted IS Kumaski Chohan: bu; they may thank their stars that they
 have got off with their lives! Had they pushed matters a Htle further
 and entered this dispensary, not one ol them would have left it alive" Amused by this remark, one of the members oi the family rejoined: Without a sword or a pistol, how could you have killed these robbers? Can you kill robbers with a sDoon?" Whereupon the doc | tor, with fine seIf-assurance, replied; How many thousands of lives have
 I taken by means of this spoon! Whd
 to me are the lives of five or six rob.
 bers? Lucky chaps, to get of as the! did"
Arizona republican., 1904-10-09
''HPpJAi.iklS

Newport News, Va, July 22, 1903.
 Last summer while recovering from ill., ness of fever, I had a severe attack of Inhammatory Rheumatism in the knees, from which was unable to leave my room for several months. I was treated by two doctors and also tried different kinds of liuaments and medicines which seemed tO relieve me from pain for awhile, but at the same time I was not any nearer getting well. One day while reading paper saw an advertisement of $. $. s. for Rheumatism. I decided to give it a trial, which I did at once. After I had taken three bottles felt great deal better, and I still continued to take it regularly until was entirely cured. I now feel better than for years, and Cheerfully recommend s. s. s. to any one suffering from Rheumatism.
 6I3 32d St. CHAs. F. GuDERsLEEvE.
Arizona republican., 1904-10-09

Rheumatism is caused by uric acid or some other acid poison in the blood, which when deposited in the muscles and joints, produce the sharp, cutting pains and the stiffness and soreness pc culiar to this disease. $. s. s. goes di- rect1y into the circulation, all irrita- ting substances are neutra1ized and filtered out of the system, the blood is made pure and the general health is built up under the purifying and tonic
Walker Lake bulletin. (Hawthorne, Nev.) 1883-1926, 1904-03-04
JUDICIAL DECISIONS.

A trustee for holders OF bonds secur.
ed By Il railroad mortgage is held. in
Reed vs. Schmidt Ky, 81 l.. X. A. 2TO.
to have no right TO create d pool for
the purpose of buying in property for
the exclusive benefit of a favored and
chosen number of bondholders, but it
Is held that all must be given II fair
opportunity to share on equal terms.
The prohibition on federal courts
against staying proceedings of State
court or of its officers is held in Ma
tional Surety Co. VS.. State Bank &C.
C. \. 9Th CD 81 /. X. A. 1894, not to
prevent federal court from enjoining
the plaintiff in an unconscionable judg-
ment Of State court from using ii to
extort money from a defendant who
ought not In equity and good con
science, to pay 1t.
Where certificate of a fra ternal
beneficiary society is payable only to
certain specified persons and the mem
Der dies without leaving any one who
is entitled to be made beneficiary UNI
der his certificate 1t is held In War
ner vs.. Modern Woodmen of America
(Neb1. 81 l.. r. A. SOB. that no equita-
or the estate of the deceased member
and that the fund contemplated by the
certificate will revert to the society.
An agreement by a contractor for a
%l,nA In t.riIl l..nl
alone to the property assessed and in
no event he entitled to recover from
the city. is held, in Louisville VS.. Bit
ger (KyJ. 81 l.. X. A. 434, not to pre-
vent such recovery. where the city had
no authority to make the improvement
at the cost of the abutting property
where the agreement was made under
a statute which contained a similar eX-
emption and was re-enacted by the
Legislature after 1t had been construed
not to be applicable to such cases.
Where trustee under a will, in dis
regard of the testator's directions, used
trust funds in her hands, together with
her own funds, to buy real estate and
took the title in her own name 1t is
held in BOhle vs. Hasselbroch On. J..
Err. and App 81 l.. r. A. 1913. that
the cestus que trust are entitled In
equity to elect whether they will claim
charge upon the real estate for the
amount OF trust funds so Invested or
will claim the real estate itself as OWN
ers subject TO a charge for the trus-
/ tees own money so used.
Walker Lake bulletin. (Hawthorne, Nev.) 1883-1926, 1904-03-04
Athletic. Harm College Girls.

Women will never compete with
mems colleges In athletics. | see abb
solutely no possibility of that ever TAX
ing place The women do not seek
competition, and it would be Of no
benefit to them. Women were not
originally intended for such violent
exercise as man. and some Of the
things that they go into must strain
them For women to put the shot Is
prepOsterous.
There may be women living who are
made in such strange and unnatural
way that 1t is not injurious for them
to put the shot, but for the majority
of women 1t would be enough to hurt
them for life. Boating, also, is bad
for women. Women's colleges do not
have crews to any great extent, but
the women who do go into it will not
last long in their athletic life Wom-
ems athletics are a good thing in mod
Grafton, but for them to try to do all
that their brothers do Is mistake.
They can never attain to what the
men are doing and will only hurt
themselves in the attempt.-President
Eliot of Harvard.
Walker Lake bulletin. (Hawthorne, Nev.) 1883-1926, 1904-03-04
Miscellaneous.

New kid gloves, il warmed before
the fire, may be put on without diff
Guilty.
To clean sponge, rub half fresh
lemon thoroughly into 1t aud rinse
In several lukewarm waters.
Gasoline put on stains on white
silk waist. followed by as much lump
magnesia as the gasoline will take up,
we'll rubbed in, will generally remove
the stains.
Unslacked lime or plaster of paris
mixed with white of egg to the con
slstency of cream, Is said to produce
an excellent homemade cement for
mending broken china.
Flat irons should be washed every
week and always kept in clean, dry
place. Few housekeepers use sufi
cient wax in ironing Do not allow
your irons to become red hot, as they
will never again retain the heat.
Byooms will last longer If they are
dipped before using, in hot soapsuds
until thoroughly soaked IL dipped
in hot, soapy wash-water weekly, the
splirts will become tough, though flex-
ible. Put screweye in the end Of
the handle, by which to suspend the
broom from long nall in convenient
place.
To prevent new wooden bowls from
cracking. pour hot lard into them from
the frying kettle, then turn until ev-
cry part Is coated. Pour out the lard
leave twenty-four hours, then wash
In hot, soapy water; or submerge the
bowl. covering every part, In cold wa
ter, bring water to boiling, and boil
an hour; when water is cold. remove
the bowl and dry slowly in cold
room. Paint the outside two or three
coats.
Walker Lake bulletin. (Hawthorne, Nev.) 1883-1926, 1904-03-04
Reasonable Marriage.

Il is the habit to say that, In It's
oVe making, the world wags on IN
changed, in spite Of all the talk about
tie sexes cycling each the other with
increasing deliberateness and discrlm-
nation. But is this rueE Is II not
oE the contrary, an established lact
that those Americans who have been
subjected to the enlightening infn-
ences of American civilization long
enough to be Influenced, are, as
mass, less eager to rush INTO matrl-
mony. ana more restless once they are
tiDd: Whether this be well or Ill Is
aside from the present purpose, when
is to say, that world where men ana
women were deliberate about mar
rage would be worth putting Off death
Il while inst to seas a curiosity,
II nothing more. For example. sup
pose that the men were really critical
about the capacities OF women as
memakerS-added that 10 their at
ready long list of expectations OF the
sex from which their wives are chos-
en-. Or, suppose that the women tried
calmly TO picture what manner or be
ings candidates for the responsible po-
sition Of husband would be ten years
after narriage-would be. physically
mentally, materially. Suppose 1t
should come to pass that man would
lose his present advantage Wherein
der 1t is possible for practically any
unmarried man to get married at any
moment II he Is not particular as to
the kind of woman. Suppose that it
were as difficult for man to find Il
wife as it Is for woman to find a
husband. What an all-around bracing
up there would be in such a society
How vanity would wither! How
eagerness to please would thrive!-
Golfers Weekly.
Walker Lake bulletin. (Hawthorne, Nev.) 1883-1926, 1904-03-04
Care of House Plants.

Colder weather means increased fire
heat the latter also meaning an in
creased ardity or dryness of the at
mosphere. The latter condition will
probably induce visit from insect
pests on house plants unless precau-
tons are taken to prevent their an.
pe,rance. Green fly and red spider
ara most to be feared, especially the
latter, as their appearance Is not as
easily detected as that of the aphs, or
green fly. Copious sprinkling and
Swinging with cold water is the best
preventive for the attacks of the so
called red spider. Salyias. fuchsias.
roses and carnations are first favorites
with this little pest. When first at
tackled the leaves of these plants pre-
sent whltish, dusty looking appear
snce, especially on the underside and
the leaves will soon commence drop-
ping. Tobacco water is the best rem
edy for green fly, although tobacco
leaf or stems or even a cigar thorough
+ly dried and rubbed into fine powder
and sprinkled on the plants Infested
with green fly will generally rid the
Walker Lake bulletin. (Hawthorne, Nev.) 1883-1926, 1904-03-04
Miss Mikes New Brother.


0On ELL. Agnes said grandmoth-
WW er to Miss Mike, your nose
is out of joint now"
Miss Mike felt that member grayely
and wiggled IT,
No" she said
Yet, It's out of joint" repeated
grandmother. who had just dropped a
telegram on the table behind her. She
laughed and seemed pleased by some
thing Everything In the last few
days had been mysterious to Miss
Nike, and she had given mp trying to
understand the ways of grownups,
IN the first place, grandmother had
come and had taken her away from
home. She had been allowed to do
just as she pleased. Occasionally she
had heard her grandmother say, II
wonder how Agnes win take It." This
was to herself and there was no OK
PLANTATION Of what It meant.
Everything was puzallng. and when
grandmother said that the nose was
out Of Joint that was only another
mystery and not worth bothering
Walker Lake bulletin. (Hawthorne, Nev.) 1883-1926, 1904-03-04
MOMENTS WORK CHEAP.
Many of the Poor Fight Starvation at
Point of Needle.

MANY OF the Poor Fight Starvation at
Point of Needle.
There is nothing so cheap as the
strength of women" said the Rev.
Anna Garlin Spencer before the Wom-
ems Conference of the Ethical Gull
ture Society. "On the farm labor-sav-
ing appliances are first secured for the
man. and 1t is only a long time after
that anything is procured to save the
strength of the house mother. That is
the reason that she breaks down, be-
comes prematurely old. or even goes
insane. In the cities it becomes
nightmare to think how many women
are fighting starvation at the point of
the needle in the belated industry of
sewing"
Mrs. Spencer was discussing the
problems of the sewing society, and
expressed the opinion that sewing. sim
Pile and inoffensive as 1t seems. Is
dangerous kind of work to handle
Sewing as a home industry can
never compete with organized indus
try" she said. Penelope with her
needle, surrounded by the ladies of her
court, may be a very pretty picture,
but the handcraft of sewing Is pass
ing away, and we cannot and ought
not to wish to prevent IT,
"A great many women who now try
to support their families by means of
the sewing provided for them by phi
lanthropic societies ought not to he
forced to earn at all" Mrs. Spencer
continued. "rhey have more than they
can do in caring for their families,
and 1t would be better to give them
the money outright. II they like the
work and 1t comes to them as a
change and recreation, the case is diff
ferent And this brings in another
aspect of the case. So much of the
work we provide is duff and unpeas-
ant. If we could only find something
new and interesting it would not only
brighten the lives of our beneficiaries,
but enable them TO do better work.
People who are dull and stupid at
work they do not care for will often
brighten up and do excellently at work
that interests them
"ln making work for the poor. phi
lanthropists ought To try to utilize
such talents as the workers possess
in new ways. as the Charity Organiza
ton Society has done in making rugs
from the old-fashloned carpet rags
that any woman can sew. Made
work also should never be conducted
as commercial enterprise. 1t should
be first and foremost educationa 80
that the workers may graduate into
the regular Industrial ranks"
Mrs Spencer also protested against
the making of garments TO give away,
except In the ease of those who find
sewing recreation.
I'VE ought not to make work" she
said. for well-to-do women, who can
easily employ themselves to much bet
ter advantage than in making gar
ments. New York Tribune.
Walker Lake bulletin. (Hawthorne, Nev.) 1883-1926, 1904-03-04

about Miss Mike looked at grand
mother moment, and then took her
dolls out in the back yard TO chase the
chickens.
Later In the afternoon father came.
and Miss Mike WAS exceedingly glad
to see him. Despite the fact that she
did not believe grandmother knew
anything about the nose. she had been
feeling IL at frequent intervals ever
since the mysterious remark had been
made.
Frank" she cried, running to him,
ais my nose out OF Jantg"
Have you told her?' asked father
Of grandmother, and the latter shook
her head.
Il should say your nose isn't ont OF
Joint" Mike. said father.
''She said 1t was. asserted Miss
Mike, pointing to grandmother.
Don't you believe it, There Isn't
anybody can put Mikes nose out Of
Joint Mike and dsdee stick together
hey, Nike"
Yes" said the baby, as lie took her
In his arms.
When father took Mike away they
had short ride on the train and an
other on the street cars and then they
were home.
where's Helen?" asked Miss Mike.
as soon as they We're in the house. Il
want to see Helen.
After a while. Mike" said father.
II want to see her now. Helen. +"
she shouted.
Don't make such a noise. please.
Nike" begged father.
as that the other one?" asked some
one, entering the room. P!,e little girl
looked up TO see a strange woman who
wore white cap and striped clothes.
Yes" said father this is Miss
Mike"
Il don't like her" declared Miss
Mike pointing to the woman. who
laughed and left the room. Father
also Went out and Miss Mike was
alone. A Dsighboring woman came in
and coaxed the baby TO her
How do you like your little broth
er. Agnes?' she asked
Miss Mike opened her eyes widely.
Haven't you seen tlf new baby:"
she was asked. Haven't you seek
the little brother?"
There was moment while Miss
Mike stared solemnly at the smiling
face of the woman. Slowly her under
lip dropped down and her eyes be-
came wet
New baby she asked, wondering
ly.
"A pretty new baby" said the
woman
Walker Lake bulletin. (Hawthorne, Nev.) 1883-1926, 1904-03-04
DO WE EAT TOO MUCH2
Generally Acknowledged That Present
Generation Is Diverted.


The question whether or not we eat
too much Is just now agltating the
scientific world and some direct and
practical efforts are being made to an
swer the query. Prof. Crittenden, Of
Yale. has taken the matter in hand
and, with the sanction and aid of the
War Department, is about to insti-
tute some food experiments on a select
group OF sturdy soldiers. They are to
be fed scientifically, and due note Is to
be taken of the chemical constituents
of various viands and their respective
nutritive quality.
1t Is quite likely that the minimum
estimate of quantity and quality of
nutrient material required will be sur
prising to most people.
This assumption is prcdlcated on the
generally acknowledged fact that the
present generation is very much over
fed. We may 20 even further by say
ing that the Americans as class are
notable examples of this overindul-
gence Dyspepsia is yeritable Amer
loading of the stomach with rich food
as to the hasty manner in which the
act is accomplished.
As regards the actual nutrition to
be obtained. ii Is the old story of the
choked CRATE and the deficient draught.
The appetite is driven with loose
rein and Is spurred by the multiplied
trlckeries of fancy dishes. In the good
old times. when food was plain and
physical labor was the rule. healthy
hunger took care of itself. 1t was not
question of pampered persuasion for
this or that dish. not so much what
the boy had to eat, but how much of
good bread and butter he was allowed
to eat He never had occasion to
think of his stomach. save to fill it
at the right time.
The good doctor who advised the
rich dyspeptic to take only one meal
day. and first earn it, was perhaps
an extremist, but for his particular pa
tent he evidently had the right view.
Another medical man has written Il
book to prove how many cases of
chronic invalidism he cured by insist
ing that but one meal of meat should
be taken daily 1t is astonishing to
read how these slckly ones took a
fresh squirt on such diet. We must
admit that he was somewhat of an en-
thusiast, as, with unconscious humor
in attempting to prove that too much
animal diet begets desire for strong
drink. he cites the example of Noah.
who when permission was given him
to eat flesh proceeded to get drunk !.
But II is the radical fellows. after
all. who stir up argument and make
us think on new lines.
The men also who advocate the no
breakfast theory are evidently cutting
off the wrong end of our supplies. as
most people cannot make a good start
with faint stomach. Much better
might 1t be to skip the heavy lunch.
with reasonable aud more natural
appetite for the evening meal and
dodge altogether the bird and cold
bottle" at midnight In the mean
while we may consistently await the
scientific report of the experimenter.--
New York Herald