Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1904-05-03
JOKES A CENTURY OLD.
Some Are Still Going the Rounds Of
Papers and Stump Speeches.

What is regarded as the most val
liable collection Of ancient jokes In ex-
istence has just been presented to the
Missouri State Historical society by w.
H. Thompson, of near Columbus. The
chestnuts are in the 10S almanacs for
each year since 1895.
In the almanac for 1904, now just a
century old, considerable space Is de-
voted to Original jokes, witty remarks
and humorous anecdotes" Here are
few of the "very funny" things in the
almanac of 1904.
"a dull judge Of the inferior courts
of a sister state, having attended to
variety Of causes in the morning,
went to dine at friends house with
most excellent appetite. Among
the company was a witty barrister.
The judge, eating very heartily Of a
dish of salmon, observed that he had
filled himself so full that he needed
hopping.
| your honor is much more in want
of heading" replied the witty barris-
ter"
"A professor, lecturing on heat, OBJ
served that one Of its most conspicu-
Gus properties was the power of ex-
panding all bodies. A humorous stu
dent rose in his seat and asked: "Is
that the reason the days in warm
weather are longer than those in cold?''
"Mr. Hare and Mr.. Fox. had apart
ments in the same house and each
had frequent visits from the bailiffs.
One morning as he was looking out OF
his window, Mr.. Fox saw two of them
at the door. Pray, gentlemen" said
he, "are you Fox hunting or Hare
hunting this morning."
"Sir John Doyle, on being informed
by a traveller that he had been in q
country where the bugs were so large
and powerful that two of them would
drain a mans blood in a single night
humorously replied: my dear sir, we
have similar animals in Ireland, but
there we call them humbugs."
"A man having been capitally con-
victed at Old Bailey was, as usual
asked what he had to say why judg-
ment of death should not be passed
on him. "Say?" replied he, why
think the joke has been carried far
enough already, and the less said the
better-if you please, we will drop the
subject"
I'm a newly raised corps, a soldier
lately observed to his comrade, who
was an Irishman, that corporal was
to be dismissed from his regiment
Faith, and indeed" said the Irish
man, Il hope it is the corporal who is
so troublesome in our company
What is his name?" replied the 9TH
er. "Why, corporal punishment, to be
sure" replied Pat.
"A person who could not read syl-
liable took up a newspaper in New
York coffee house and, holding it up
side down, pretended to peruse the ad-
vertisements on the first page with
great attention. What news?' inquir-
ed a. bystander. There has been a
great storm in the West Indies" re-
piled the reader, the vessels are al
upset"
"a country squire asked a merry
andrew why he was playing the fool
For the same reason you do" said
he, "out of want. You do 1t for want
of wit, 1 do it for want Of money"
Some of the jokes, humorous re-
marks, puns and witticisms which are
perpetrated in the western ComicR
Alamanack" in 1884 and which have
not yet outlived their usefulness are
as follows:
"As a broker was folding some bank
bills a wag observed: you must
grow rich fast. I perceive you readi-
ly double your money"
"a poor country hawker, being de-
tected in the act Of shooting a butch
er bird, was taken before justice
$50 fellow" cried the justice, you
see fit to shoot without a license, do
you?" "Oh, no your honor" said the
offender: II have a license for hawk
ing So saying he handed his ped
dler's license, and the bird shot being
a hawk, he was discharged"
When Mr.. Alexander Gun was dis
charged from the Edinburgh custom
house the entry made against his name
was: "A. Gun. discharged for making
a false report"
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THE TOBACCO SITUATIoN.-The ques-
ton is often asked if the prices received