The Birmingham age-herald., 1904-09-04

sther that I have no prejudice, Swear tn witnesses.
 John Coolin. druggists assistant, tis- tvfied that he had left his baby carredge containin' wan fourteenth iv all he pos scssed on arth, on tn sidewalk while he wint into a saloon to buy a postage stamp. Whin he come out tn vehicle had rolled down to tn curb. He wud swear that Algernons autymobil was goin eighty miles an hour. Tn eoort: How did ye time him?' Tn witness: Through tn ncwspa-apers.
 August Schmidt, teamster, tistyfed that while attimptin' to find a brick to throw at tn masheen (Th' eoort: Good fr you.) he slipped an sprained his ankle (Cries lv 'shame!)
 "Onicer Doolittle tistyfed that he dol lowed Algernon f'r two miles on foot. He wud swear that he was goin be- tween sixty an wan hundherd an two miles an hour. How did ye time him?' asked tn coort. Be me stop watch .Whin did it stop?' Last week. That's all 1 want to hear says tn larned eoort. 'Algernon Rox this coort always tim pers justice with mercy an timpers mer- cy with timper. l will not be hard on ye. It is yeer first offince. l will merely sintince ye to be hanged. An let this narrow escape be a warnin' to ye,' he says.
 Such, Hlnnissy. is tn happy life an arly death iv tn millyonaire with tn autymobill. Did I iver r-ride in wan? Almost, wanst. Wan day 1 hear a cry iv Kill him, followed be a shower iv bricks an | knew some millyonaire was out fir jaunt or a spin or pinch in his autymobill Who shud tn millyonaire h l,,,k Ta lo. .f,,T r.r1,, fs a Fr-rinch shower. Tn millyonafre an his companyon jus got to me dure a yard in fr-ront iv tn excited popylace. I wint out an amed tn peasanthry with a few well-chosen kicks an Hogan asked me to go fr a spin as far as Brighton Park But jus as 1 was about to step into me proper place in s-ciety along with lawn w Gates, tn autymobill had a convulsyon. I heerd a terrific rumbin' in its inteeryor, it groaned an coughed, an thried to jump up in tn air. Some thing is wr-rong with ye'er irnhorse, says I. He's ct something that don't agree with him. Ye ought to take him to a vet Come along, says Hogan. No says I, I'll not r-ride no autymo- bill with tn epizoodic. Ye ought to be took up be tn s'ciety fr tn previntyon iv croolty to autymobills. Get out an
 
 crazy says he. It's all right, says he. Alley says he to tn shower. Alley be dam'd.' says tn shower. sTh' biler's leakin'.' Him an Hogan got down on tn sthreet an got out plumbers, black sTiith's an a carpenters outfit, put on overalis an wlnt to wurruk. This is a fine spoort,' says I. It's ragal,' I says. How happy a blacksmiths helper mus be to get two dollars Q day Pr bein' an autymobilist.' Shut up says Hogan firm undher tn car. Whin he comes out, he looked as though he'd been coalin' liner. It's all ready now, says he. But it wasn't Tn shower wint to tn front an turned a crank few bare iv Wagner followed an thin tn autymobill resigned. Tn shower said nized that he come firm tn same Aron- dissemint in Ia belle Roscommon as me- silf, and turned again. Tn autymobill groaned an thrembled, Hogan begun to bounce on his seat, tn shower lept into tn car, pulled five levers, put on tn hard pedal an thin tn soft blew his horn an r-ran into an ice wagon. We're off, yelled Hogan. 'Ye ar-re, says I, 'an' so is yeer back tire fr wan iy tn little earnest wurrukers among tn popylace had been busy with a knife At this minyit polisman come along 'Ye're undher arrest says he. What fr,' says Hogan. Frr exceedin' Halsted sthreet. he says. An says Hogan, I timed ye at two hours In Schwartz meister's saloon,' he says. An I'll have ye up befure me uncle, Captain Hogan tomorrow fr exceedin' tn sleep limit an I'll make a stirring iv ye'er buttons fir tn childher he says. Tn tn mane- time, he says, go an keteh thief he says Thin he got down out iv tn auty. mobill. Sullivan he says to tn shover