davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1904-02-14
BY ERNEST HAROLD BAYNE.

them. The letter was sent by mes
sengeF, and in two hours ] received
word from the superintendent that
thirty-four students from the high
school would be at the school build
ing and ready TO assist me at half
past two on the following day. On my
arrival ] found the students awaiting
me. provided with baskets of broken
nuts barn-hoor sweepings, and all
manner Of bird food. The boys were
divided into squads of four or FIVE, IN
der the leadership of one VINO knew
well some particular bit Of woodland
or stretch Of open country. There were
eight squads, and they marched away
in orderly fashion. each in different
direction, with instructions 10 cover
bout one-eighth OF the country imme-
diately surrounding the town. Each
squad had at least one shovel, and in
open places, such as fields and mead
ows, good generous spaces were cleared
OF snow and covered with seed and
grain, scraps of meat and the like.
Had the food been simply thrown on
the surface of the snow, IL would soon
have been buried and Inaccessible. b1t
on bare ground in the middle Of an
otherwise snow-covered field. it at
tracted the attention of every passing
bird.
In every squad there was az least
one boy who could climb, and the suet.
III generous Jumps was tied TO the
branches of trees where if was likely
TO attract the birds. but where it was
quite out OF the reach of any proving
cat.
The help which I received from the
students of the StOnehsm High school
was cheerfuliy given and highly salts
factory, and 7 believe that similar help
could be obtained anywhere in this
country. by any one who would ask
Il in the name of our starving wild
birds
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1904-02-14

feathered population depend on berries
and buds. or the insects eggs. larvae,
etc. which they gather from the tres s..
But the sieet has come, ana the Der
ries. buds and the tree trunks are
sheatheG in ice. and these birds, too.
are dying. 1t is a sad facC that nun
dreds and thousands are already gone
but IF we. VINO love them, VIII strive to
prove our love at once, we may y.et
save many thousands more The IA
tional committee of the Audubon has
appealed 10 the country 10 feed our
starving birds. and I kn0N thas la snme
sections there has been Il hearty re-
Spouse. To those who have as Yet done
nothing. 1 take 1his opportunity u APP
peal again in the name Of I'll lovers Of
birds-in the name of all kindly hearted
people who have sympathy Tor Wild
creatures in distress.
Perhaps the best and the quickest
way 10 alleviate the suffering, X
through the children of the schools.
Nest of these children have an intel
l;gent love for the birds, and win glad
~ give up an afternoon, or a day, for
that matter To assist in distributing
food for their feathered friends. AS my
own first experience may be of Assist
ance to those who desire to try j sim
liar experiment. ] viii relate it. As
soon 2S knew now SeFlouS the cohu1-
tions were. I wrote letter 20 the To-
cal superintendent Of schools. asking
him 10 kindly cooperate with me in
an effort 20 feed the birds in and
around his town. by urging the boys
in the public and high school to help
IN distributing food the next afternoon.
7 requested that all who could bring
bird seed. grain. suet, bread or table
scraps. or anything else which birds
could eat would do 50. and mat the
others would come proviuedewfn bags
or baskets TO distribute sus1 food as
my friends and / would have reads for
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1904-02-14

your valentine and see II st IS in my
handwriting
Mine is typewriter" said the Dec
tor.
so is mine" said the BibIiomanlae.
Mine, too" said the Poet
Same here" said Mr.. Brief
'Well, then" said the idiot, I'm wifi
ing 70 write a. page in my own hand
without any attempt TO disguise g. and
let any handwriting expert decide as
to whether there Is the slightest resem-
bIance between my chiroEraphy and
these typewriter sheets you hold in
your hand"
That's fair enough said Mr.. White
choker.
Besides" persisted the idiot, tive
received one Of the things myself. and
it'll make your hair curl il you've got
any. Typewriter like the rest Of EN-
Shall I read it?"
By common consent the idiot read the
following;
Idiot, zany. brain Of hare.
DOtt and noodle past compare.
BuncOmbe. bosh and verbal slosh.
Mind of nothing. full of Josh.
MadmaH. donkey. dizzard-pate,
L. s. Zero Syndicate.
Stock as low as shiDs or steel.
OFF his head and off his keel.
Dull. depressing. lack of wit,
Incarnation OF the nit.
Minus numbskun driveling baby;
GreenhoTn. Ounce and dOsard Gaby;
All the queer and loOney chorus
Found in old ROgets Thesaurus,
Flat and crazy through and through;
That. o Idi0t-thst is you.
Let me tell you. sir. IN fine,
I wont be your Valentine.
What do you think Of that2" asked
the Idiot when he had finished.
Wouldn't that jar yOu2'
4 think it's perfectly horrid" sale
Mrs. PedagOg. Mary pass the pens
cakes TO the idiot. Mr.. Idiot let me
hand you a fun cup OF coffee. john
hand the Idiot the syrup. Why how
thing like that should be allowed 10 Sd
through the mails passes me.
And the others all agreed that thu
landlady's indignation was JUSTIFIED bes
cause they were fond Of the idiot in
spite OF his faults They would not se6
him abused. at any rate.
SAY. old man" said the Poet later.
Ct really thought you sent those other
valentines until You read yours.
4 thought you would. said the Idiot.
That's the reason why ] worked W.
that awful one on myself. That relieves
me of all suspicion.
Copyright 1894 BY John RuseeH Da-
vidson.l
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1904-02-14

vein too. only not 50 COMPLIMENTARY
He calls me The Humane Surgeon and
runs into rhyme after this fashion;
Q. Doctor Blanks a surgeon bold
A surgeon most humanc sir.
And what he does Is e'er devoid
OF ordinary pain. sir.
If he were called 10 amputste
\ leg hurt by q bullet
lie wouldn't take 4 knife and CIlt-
But with his bin he'd pun It.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1904-02-14

We'll Old man." said the Poet as the
Idiot entered the breakfast room on the
morning OF Valentines day, how did
old St Valentine treat yOu2 Any Te-
suits worth speaking of"
ON, the usual lay out" returned the
idiot. laughingly. Mine hundred and
fortv-two passionate declarations of
uudying affection from unknown lady
friends in all part OF the civilized
world; 1925 highly colored but some
what insulting limitations that / had
better 20 way back and sit down from
hitherto unsupported gentlemen friends
scattered from Maine TO California; one
small can Of salt marked st. Valentine
10 the Idiot with sundry illusions 10
she proper medical treatment Of the
latteT's freshness and q small box con
tanning a rubber bottle stopper labeled
Cork up and bust I can't complain.
well, you did come in for your share
OF Il, didn't you2" said Mr.. Brief.
Yes" said the Idiot. Il think I got
all that was coming TO me, and
wouldn't have minded IL If I hadn't had
70 pay s. overdue postage on EN-. 1
don't bother much If some anonymous
chap or in the Wilds OF KalikajOo takes
the trouble to send me a, funny pic
tuTe Of 2 monkey grinding a hand or
gan with the loving regards Of your
brother. or if somebody else who is
afraid Of becoming too fond Of me sends
me a horse chestnut with a line TO the
effect that here IS one ] haven't print
ed, i don't feel like getting mad; but
when I have TO pay the postage on the
piaguey things il strikes me II Is rub
hing IL in a little too hard. and If I
could find two or three Of the senders
I'd spend an hour or two OF my time
banging their heads together
II got of pretty well" said the Bib
li0maniac. Il only got one valentine.
and though It cast some doubt upon the
quality Of my love for books, found *
quite amusing. III read il 70 you
Here the Bibliomaniac took small
paper from his pocket and read the fol-
lowing lines.
The Hungry Bibliomsnie-
u only you would cut your books
AZ often as your butter
When people ask you what's insiae
You wouldn't sit and sputter-
The reading that hath made you tuii,
The reading that doth chain you
Is not from books. or woman's looks
But fresh from off the menu.
What do you think of that?" asked
the Bibli0maniac with a chuckle. as he
folded up his valentine and slowed il
away in his pocket once more.
Il think ] can spot the sender said
the idiot, fixing his eye sternly upon
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1904-02-14

"He must have had some experience
with you. DostOr." said the Idiot. In
fact, he knows you 50 well that I am
inclined 10 think the writer or that val
entine lives in this house, and it is Just
possible that the culprit is seated at
this table at this moment"
Il think it very likely" said the Doc
tor. drily. Hes a fresh young man,
five feet ten inches in height"
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1904-02-14

"Pooh-pooh." said the Idiot. That's
the worst description of Mr. Brief L
ever heard. Mr.. Brief, in the first place,
is not a young man, and ne isn't
fresh"
Il didn't mean Mr.. Brief" said the
Doctor, significantly.
Then you ought to be ashamed OF
yourself to intimate that Mr.. White
choker, a clergyman, would stoop 10
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1904-02-14
BY John
Kendrick Bangs

the writing Of such a rhyme as that"
cried the Idiot People nowadays seem
to me TO be utterly lacking in that re-
Spect for the cloth to which it is en-
titled Mr. Brief. If you really wrote
that thing you owe it TO Mr.. White
chOker to own up and thus relieve him
of the suspicion the Doctor has so I'm
blushingly cast upon him."
Il can prove an alibi,'' said the law
yer I could no more turn a rhyme
than 7 could play Psrsifal on q piano
with one finger. and I wouldn't If I
could. 7 judge from what know OF
the market value of pC,ns these days
that that valentine OF the Doctors is
worth about two dollars. il would take
me a century TO write il, and inasmuch
as my time is worth at least FIVE dol
lars a year. il stands to reason that
would aot put in five hundred dollars
worth OF effort on a two dollar job. So
that lets me out. BY the way, I got
one of those trifes myself. Want to
hear it?'
Il am Just crazy to hear it, said the
Idiot. III any man has reduced you to
poetry. 8Ir, Brief. he's a great man
With all your many virtues you seem
to me to fit into pOetical theme about
as snugly as an automobile with full
power in a china shop. BY all means
let AS have it."
This modern St. Valentine of ours
has reduced the profession to verse
with a nicely that ELECTS my most pro
found admiration" said Mr.. Brief.
Just listen TO this.
The Lawyer is no wooer, yet
To sue US is his within.
The Lawyer is no tailor, bat
We get our suits from him.
The longest things n ali the world
They are the Lawyers briefs,
And all the joys he gets in life
Are other peoples griefs.
Yet spite of all the Lawyers faults,
He's one point rather nice:
He'll not remain lest you retain,
And never gives advice.
The author of these valentines.
said the Doctor, 'is to DC spotted, the
way I diagnose the case, by his desire
that professional people should be con
stantly giving away their services. He
objects 10 the doctors bill and he slaps
ssrcasticslly at the lawyer because he
doesn't give advice. That's why I sus-
pect the idiot He's a professional idiot,
and yet ne gives his idiocy away"
when did ever give myself away?"
demanded the Idiot. You are talking
wildly, doctor The idea Of your try
ing to drag nc into this thing is pre-
posterous. SUPPOSE you show down
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1904-02-14

what I nave Just said on this matter "
The following Indians have signed their
names hereto to signify their concurrence
in No-ShiTt S remarks.
No-ShiTt. Ga-teeu.
John Shom-k kane. Wat-a-low-wit,
Charley Shapish. Taw-a-toy.
PeO-peO-toV wash. EO-is-lap.
SheO-Ships Tiu-tin-mete-sC.
Luke Afinthcrn. Peter kalytOn.
Po-Wau-kee. Rap-i-taSh.
pe-wap- tse-ow. Little George.
Sha-Ia-We-t alma-uiu- MotaniC.
Robinson MiuthOrn. Long Hair.
PEG. Nuk-tik-she-ma.
Phillip MinthOTn. EUtch-kUtCh-wap-
G-ma-piue. it's
Little HHWk. Tet-ta-Iua -uas-Ct.
Pach-Why-yum. Spokane Jim
Peter ShcIal. William Hall.
TOits-0Ukt. TOW-etOm-i-dN-ta.
Ya-moW-it. NarCisse Bushman.
kaS-IarlIin.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1904-02-14

Two moons ago ] send him this pa
per TO Washington. No answer said
NO-Shirt. Mckinley all right, very
sorry when he ole. Roosevelt al right;
Commissioner Jones poCty good; he
send him back letter slow. Bad man
in Pendleton close hcme-him all same
rattlesnaze.
II was explained to me that some
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1904-02-14
BY CHARLES ~. GRE

Sunset Rfter the Council
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1904-02-14

Copyright, 1891 b john RussaH Da-
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1904-02-14

Copyright, 1904, by Charles ".
Crewdson-)
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1904-03-25
NEW CENTURY CLUB.

The regular meeting of the New
Century Club was held at the home
of Miss Jessie Pratt on Wednesday
afternoon and was we'll attended. The
programme was very interesting and
each member assigned to the work
had made special effort to entertain
her hearers.
Quotations from Bret Harte were
given in response to roll call. By the
West Gate of the World and the
Flowery Kingdom of the Occident,
was the subject treated by Mrs. Mills
and her hearers were given a very in
teresting paper Catalina and Avalon,
the subject assigned Miss Maddy,
was chiefly report of her personal
observations while visiting the Cata-
lima islands and was therefore partic-
ularly instructive. Mrs. Brownies
paper, Fifty Years of the Golden
State was ably written and was pleas
ing and instructive. Mrs. Yeager's
sketch of Gen. Fremont was another
of the pleasing features of the session,
all of which tended to show that
much of interest, amusement and in
struction can be accomplished by a
little well directed effort.
The next meeting will be held with
Mrs, Grace Mills.
RIVER FLATS For RENT. - Will
rent about 80 acres of lowlands stu
ated below the Wedertz homestead.
The land is well fertilized. For fur
ther information address w. j. We'd
ertz, No. 23O1 Robinwood Ave-, To
ledo, o., or Perrysburg, o., after April
/. 'O4. w. j. WEDERTz.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1904-03-25
Dizzy?

Albert Kazmaier and family of
Hasklns, John Simmons and daughter,
Mable, of Bowling, and Charlie APPEL
of Dunbridge took dinner with Will
Frusher and wife, Sunday. They also
enjoyed visit from Jas. Byrnes and
daughter, Esther, Charlie Kindle,
George Dover, John Helrich and Lano
Prlngle.
Levi j. Ross of Lime City has
made an assignment to Philip Wetzel
of this place. Ross conducted a gen.
eral store at Lime City and was doing
well. His liabilities are not made
known but his assets are about $500.
1t is believed he will pay out every
dollar, and that if creditors had been
a tritle generous no assignment would
have been necessary. We regret that
our old friend should have trouble, but
have faith in him, and believe he will
come out all right.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1904-03-25

Mrs. Charley Treuschel of Elk
hart, Ind, was the guest of Mrs. F.
C. Wellstead few days last week.
Many friends of Frank Hollenbeck
will be pleased to know that he is
again albe to be out after severe
sickness with pneumonia.
Duck shooting along the Maumee
is being enjoyed by many this week.
Every man who has the time and an
old gun is apparently banging away
at the little fowl that are trying to
have swim in the muddy river.
Mrs. Halle Hollenback of Spring
field, Mo-, arrived home last Friday
just in time to attend the funeral of
her father. The home coming was a
sad errand. She will remain about
two weeks before returning.
Henry L. Lacy of Toledo, Secre-
tary of the Buckeye Paint company,
was found dead at his home on We'd
nesday afternoon. His wife and her
mother, Mrs. Arietta Dustin were In
Florida spending the winter and he
was rooming at the home of his
brother-in-law. Heart disease was the
cause of his death. He was highly
respected gentleman and many friends
will regret his death.
The Perrysburg Dramatic COM
pany gave very pleasing presentation
of the drama Imogene at the town
hall last Thursday and Friday even
ings and at each performance they
were greeted with large audiences who
gave every evidence of their apprecla-
tion of the play. The company had
been but few weeks in the prepara-
tion of the play and were remarkably
! successful in their efforts. Each men,
ber is entitled to credit for the work
done while some of the cast gave evi.
dence of special talent. We hope the
company will put on another play
soon.
Il am now prepared to do all kinds
of work in painting, paper hanging
and de ecoratlng. viii call and show
a large line of sample papers and dec
orations. Any person desiring to see
samples may call phone No. 6l3 and ]
will Immediately call and give es.
Inmates for work. G. f. FRIESS.
49tf
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1904-03-25

Editor Dickson Of the Maumee Ad-
vancs Era devotes about two columns
of his last issue to a silly mess of
stuff supposed to have been written
by Perysburg man who was regret
ting the great advance that Maumee
is supposed to be making these days.
We regret that Editor Dickson should
allow his columns to be used for such
purposes, If any good was accom-
plished for his town, OF any harm was
done to this place, he might be eX-
cused for the waste of space but as
nothing of any benefit could pos
sibly result from such ness of
senseless twaddle the brother is max
ing very poor use of his opportuni
ties. The article was absolutely VOID
of point or argument, wit or wisdom,
and is not calculated to benefit the
paper in which it is published or the
town 1t represents. In days gone by
brother Dickson has made some very
pleasing and pointed shots at the
JonRNAL, all of which have been en-
ioyed, and we will be pleased to have
him keep it up. But when it comes
to attempting to make the people be-
lieve that our village is against the
prosperity of Maumee or its people,
no man with mind as large as a ty
phoid microbe will ever be fool
enough to believe. The relative stu
alton of the two towns is such that
many of the public utilities should be
enjoyed in common. Water works,
telephone and electric light plants
could be operated at less cost and
give greater service and benefit to the
two places if one plant served both
towns. The fool jealously that such
idioric articles as appeared in the Adj
vanceEra may engender among the
people of Maumee can never be of
any benefit to the place and the SEN
sible people of the town should de-
mand that such methods should be
no longer persued. Let the Advance
Era endeavor to lift up the town by |
an open handed, broad guage policy.
There are some broad minded, good |
business men in Maumee who would |
do much for the town and whose |
ideas are somewhat above the petty |
jealousies that actuate the motives of
many of your people. Get together
with THAT class, brother Dickson, and |
cut away from the small minded I
bunch of fossils who have never seen
anything good in anyone but them
selves, and you will be able to ac-
complish something for town that |
has for years been hiding its light |
under bushel cf musk rat skins and |
jealousy, Be what nature intended |
you to be, brother, and get away
from that musk rat gang and train
with the people who are not afraid to
look ecross the river to see the sun
rise. There are some good people |
over there. Get with them, brother,
and don't allow yourself to be pulled |
down to the level of the small minded |
grumbler.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1904-03-25
ADDITIONAL LOCAL

Mrs. William Phillips, of B. G., a
pioneer lady of S4 years passed away
at her home last Sunday.
Joseph Young of East Toledo, was
the guest, on Monday and Tuesday, of
VIM. Wellstead and family.
james Weaver and Miss Mary
Thornton of Stony Ridge were granted
license to marry on Monday last.
-FoR SALE. Eggs for Matching
from winter laying Standard Bred
White Wyandotte. S. E. HARTRHoRN.
-Bausil Trombla is lald up with a
mashed foot caused by an iron falling
upon it while at work last Friday night.
Misses Edith Crops and Mable
Folkcomer of Maumee were guests of
the Misses Bess and Nell Wellstead on
Friday last.
Jas. LaFarree, ID. C. VanVoris,
E. 6. Mcclellan of b. g., participated
in the funeral services of F. E. Hol-
lenbeck last Friday with the members
of PhGniX lodge.
DR.. Spencer of Weston was in
town Monday going to Rossford to get
his two little grand children, to take
home with him for brief stay, dur
ing the illness of the youngest men,
Der of the family of DR.. and Mrs. E.
b. Hoist. The little one has been suf-
fering with pneumonia but is now
improving.
Miss Minnie Schultz, daughter of
John Schultz, died at her home near
Bowling on Wednesday morning, aged
At years, months and II days. With
her father she had resided in Chicago
for several years but moved to Perrys-
burg about year ago and resided in
the Morse house on Front street until
last fall when they moved to Bowling.
Deceased had been in poor health for
several years. The funeral services
will be held on Saturday, and the re-
mains brought to this place for inter
ment.
Under the contract with the Wa
bash r. r. by which the G. II. & ID.
Company run their trains solid into
st. Louis, the G. H.-& ID. Company
have the privilege of issuing special
baggage checks reading ITO Worlds
Fair Station, st. Louis, Mo-" This in
sures the baggage going direct to the
Worlds FAIR Station without going
through the Union Depot where it is
subject to possible delays incident to
the collection Of thousands of trunks
and to the extra expense of transfer.
This is an advantage enjoyed by DO
other line from this territory, and will
be a great convenience to patrons of
the G. ii. 81 ID. Ry.
- Last Saturday evening Roy j.
Pitson entertained a jolly crowd of
young men, all of whom enjoyed them
selves at playing cards and singing.
Roy rendered few choice selections
on the piano and his father, +. j. Pit
son, demonstrated his skill at playing
the violin. Refreshments were served
a. II 80 which partly consisted of
Thornton's cakes. The boys all
smoked to Roy's health and then
withdrew to the tune of Home Sweet
Home" and "Bill Bailey, won't you
please go Home" Those present were:
Messers Percy and Edgar Hampton,
Harry Comstock, Merlin Bowers,
Harry Fuller, Art Thornton, Will
Heckler, Phil Robinson Max La
Farce, Everett Neifer, Joe Rossbach
and viii Homer.