davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1904-06-26

All right. said AIr Brief I'm spite
Of your comman3 of the poets lines TO
bolster up your argument YOU viii be
more convincing when you have recon-
ClieG your conflicting statements.
m g0lnS in as volunteer assist
ant, that's all said the idiot. THE
railroad won't employ me because it
needs all the ready cssh IL can lay its
hands on TO keep The Van TOodlcs FAM
lily 3D. chau1ers and roulette money,
but / can take OF my coat and so in
and help my friend ia mis- efforts TO
keep the baggage smashing of the
Great Northern up to its normally hlsh
artistic standard If / want to. wages
on no wages"
very good said SIR. Brief Then
where does the money come from o.
Same dear old source-the public. q"
said the Idiot only L get it direct
There isn't ans rake-on f2r tie Van
TC0dies family. the president the first,
second. third. fourth up 10 the nine
teenth vice president the treasurer
the general Jranlc manager and SO on
down until the thousand dollars shrinks
20 90 cents. % flows uninterruptedly
from the pocket Of ar. Travelling Man
into the wallet Of yours trulS. jim other
words I'll wax TAT on tips the while /
ana putting myself through q course. Of
exercise that viii make 1Ir. SlOboda' s.
system look like a last weeks transfer
ticket"
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1904-06-26
Before and After.

They stood. q man and a woman. in
the gallery, looking down on the gilt
tering tnrOug OF dancers in the floor
below.
what was 7 saying to you a moment
aso2' asked the man; that is. before
1 went out2'
You were saying" said the woman.
midst all this gaiety. You called it a
painted glare-yOu spoke Of all those
things that made me sad. even i'm the
women down there. each huggiug i'm the
secret recesses Of her heart some su-
preme sorrow, some cl0ying unrest.
You were wondering 10 what depths
Of remorse. within the next year. each
might reach. You spoke Of the men.
how haggard some OF their faces were.
You said the pace was too much for
them; death and ruin and disaster
hung over this throng like q erinning
skeleton Really it has given me the
shivers. Don't you remember what you
ssid2"
He turned and looked at her. There
was a look Of COmpiaCency ON his face
Did ] say all that he replied. be
fore I went out? Well. sven. you must
forgive me. III isn't SO. why see how
they are all enjoying themselves. What
q magnificent sight. What grand
thing Us Hfe How this music thrills
me. ny friend. 81 Is good To be alive 3"
She looked at him in ast0nlshment.
What has changed you so ia such a
short timer She exclaimed why be-
fore YOU went out
r. waved his hand
Things are different now" he said
i've just had q cocktail
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1904-06-26
The


scratch. and the days perquisites from
things that were poured out ora the
loof and overlooked in the repacking
dldn amount On the average 10 more
than SIX dozen evening shirts. fourteen
pairs of py1amas. sixteen collars four
silver backed hair brushes and two
pans OF curing tcngs. Tie rush Of
business has been so great for the last
week THAI he hasn't burst single
trunk that contained anything his wife
could use. and one suit case belonging
90 q drummer for high-bau house
got through without spIliuE drop.
The railway people are too mean or
too hard up. he doesn't know which, TO
give him the assistance he needs so
he's at his wits ends. It's pretty
tough thing for a man TO work hard
Tor tuirty-hve years -equipping himself
20 be the most expert baggage smasher
ln tae country, TO gain the reputation
~ never letting a trunk so through
without a split IN &c somewhere. or the
less of strap or caster, and
then md himself at the zenith of his
powers so utterly sWauped with work
that bag after bag, trunk after trunk
and box after box 90 through to their
destination with no evidence on them
anywhere that Trey have been even so
much as touched By "a baby's finger.
He-toid me he Wos afraid people would
begin 90 complain and then he'd be
Kicked out OF mis- job as the net result
Of thiriy-five years Of good hard hon
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1904-06-26
John Kendrick Bangs.

And you call that kind Of work ex-
ercise. do you2" asked the Poet
What do You call it, embroidery o.
returned the Idiot "Of course TT eS-
ercise. There's more exercise in it than
a whole set of Olympian games or an
intercollegiate athletic meet. There s
the lo9-yard dash YOU take with the
suit case of the chap who arrives just
as the train is pulling out There's the
putting the shot event when yGu gTaD
zap hat box filed with silk pot hats
and bottled cocktails and shoot il fifty
yards down the platform from the bag
gage room 90 the waiting car. There's
the tug of war when you try 60 get q
STEAMER trunk from the hands of a III
val smasher and pull until the whole
thing comes apart in the middle.
There's the event know as throwing the
hammer when you take z Saratoga by
the strap and swing it three times
around your head before hinging it
across three tracks into the tender of a
locomotive, or, possibly, If you are real
careful i'm front OF il, so that all the
ball dresses and powder puffs it con-
tains come piiing out into the coal, or
on the cOWcatCher. No exercise. MI
Poet2 III you want to find anything
like II, enter ell the events I'm some
field day Of a drst-class athletic club
and y0uH come pretty close TO finding
the parallel. Another feature of the
thing is that you meet such nice peo-
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1904-06-26
AS to Baggage Smashing.

f'The trouble with the punching bag
is that ID hits back and then rudeiy
refuses 10 ap0logize.' said tie idiot
what's more" he added, there's 10
money in IT,. You might hit punching
bag eight hours a day for a whole year
and be as poor as Jobs turkey al The
end Of that time.
ls there amy exercise that IS q
money making Investment asked Mr.
Brief.
t-Of course thers is" said the Idio-
There lis letter carrying. The police
force and baggage smashing. I thought
I'd take up the last during my Vaca-
uOn which is about % begin"
-1Out Take up baggage smashing
Why you couudn't aft a conforta biy
filled steamer trunk much less a Sara
tOEa, sneeFed the Doctor.
II could pust 'em over" said the
Idiot. 'Dr drop EN- frcm height so
that they'd be as badly busted as
though they'd been dung a mile by a
longshoreman. TITS is the time for the
job, too. I was up in the Great North
eFn depot yesterday and the place is
simply damned with the luggage of
people who are going away for the
summer. The baggage master up there
is friend or mine. and he told me
with tears In his eyes that there was
SO much Of it he couldn't ruin more
than ten per cent oF IL. Some oE lEe
trunks he knew TO his personal lmoWl-
edge had gone through without
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1904-06-26
(New York Times.l

AT the annual dinner Of Audubon
council, Royal Arcanum, State Senator
Burton Of Brooklyn told this story ap-
ropOs of certain conditions he men
toned in his speech:
Up I'm Connecticut. he SAID. "a coll
lese professor was going along the road
and met an old farmer of the real
wooden nutmeg type. The old chap
sensed' the professor as a learned man
ana asked him If he didn't have SEINE
thing TO do with the college I'm the
nearest town. The professor admitted
that he occupied a chair in that insti-
tuition.
You be the very man I'm looking
for, said the farmer. with great inter-
est. want TO know something no.
BODY has been able TO tell me yet
on what area Of darkness do you
wish enlightenment, my friend2' in
CURED the professor, with dignity.
Mebbe you can't tell me. but If you
can't 'twon't change my respect for
you and your caliu', professor. for +
believe I'm eddicatiOn.
That's very kind Of YOU said the
professor but what is 10 you wish to
be Informed OFF,
Well IFS this, professor said the
liberia ton.
Is man diggin' clans engaged in
usnln OF agriculture Do
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1904-06-26

est smashing. Corpora tions have no
so-es.' said he bu5 they have toes. and
I'm afraid I'LL be up against EN- be-
lore the summers over If this sort Of
thing goes on much longer,
You are a consistent Idiot" oh
served Ar Brief. whose trained legal
mind led him easily into the daIcctiou
of conflicting statements. zone minute
3ou say you are Eoing to get a lucva-
tiFe JGD -lH e baggage zlnasler and IEa
next you tell tales of VCe OF the mean
ness OF the soulie-s corporations that
VIII noL employ assistants for your
friend In that line OF work. You'd be
a corkng witness under crOss-ex-
animation"
Il know I would, said the. idiot.
Inere nothing I'D like better than
70 do 2 little corilinE Witnessing under
odIh FOR the pleasure Of bottling uD
some smart Alexander Of LAWYER on
cross-eXan5ing bent TIE most con-
sistent things i'm the world sometimes
appear OF the surface to be diametri-
t&ii4 OPPOSED 30 each other. and the
clever little lawyer who PUSHES in TO
make fool of the other chap with his
incoTf istenClez as & basis OF his line
o. examination more often Chan nos
as Browning said 80 Sardella, or some
ether poem. whose title escapes me:
Gets it in that favored spot
That weds the Cerebellum and the
S1ine."
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1904-06-26

PIE My friend has checked iuzVaqss
I9I people Ike wa Ting Fang. HsrrV
Lehr, Lillian Russell. ~ ID Hovef-
MI pooley and Garfield and an H.
resi- Of en- You not only set a lot 81
money IN tips, and plenty OF exercise
in baggage smashing, but y0a enlarge
the circle Of your acquaintance. Fact
IS my friend has met so many dfsfiD-
guished people in HE day from General
Grant down TO Hall Caine that some
cay he's going 20 publish a hook called
the Personal ReconecTl0us of a Bag
gage Smasher. OF Notable Luggage r
Rave Busted.
'Well. said The Bibliomaaiac. rising
from the table. Il wish you luck ln
your new Job. After all. it's about un
TO your intellectual level"
Thank you, kindly" said the idiot.
Il hope To be able to repay you. Any
time YOU have q ease of books YOU
want to get rid Of just send 'em up to-
me and I'll see that they are attended
to. And as for you, Mr. Poet"
YES said that worthy
"TH do all I can for YOU. too" said
the Idiot. ri youu I'll "a Saratoga
with d few hundred pounds OF your
poems j wiI see that they are put int
immediate and widespread circuIa-
ti0n."
Copyright, 1904, by X. H. Holmes)
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1904-06-26

~ THINK" began the idiot, leaning
back in his chair ana gazing
lansuidly out Of the window. 81
THINKS -''
Don't be rash in trying new expert
ments Interrupted The Doctor. "A
sudden rush Of thought 90 your head
might result Zen "a ClOt Ou TouF gray
matter that would utterly destroy your
insanity and make you as common
piauely undressing as other Idiots.
Talk my dear Doctor is almost as
cheap as Steel common. III you have
auy further observations 20 make
please reduce them 20 writing and then
burn the manuscript retortcd the
Idiot. when z say U think 4 don't
mean that j ann trying TO eEtricate a
great thought from the folds of My
cerebral tissue, but that I have me1-
TAI inclination 90 do something. I think
/ need exercise, and my inclination IS
90 go out and get It,"
"a week with a medicine bail would
work wonders for you" said the Dee
tor ITS great for a fabby Head"
"It would De better for as If YOU
would 50 off for a weeks tramp I'M the
mountains. observed AIR. Brief. Then
the rest Of the world would be able TO
set q little quiet"
"Why don't you have a punching bag
up iE your room c' suggested the Poet.
They say there's a lot OF exercise in
th8L"
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1904-06-26

is, circular? private, OF course.
( don't see anything against it,"
Frank Marshall didn't either, but he
/ was fast asleep. Having offered his
/ subscription he had nothing more 20
/ say on the subject.
The baritone in the fog resumed his
/ objection. Il don't think that to elect
/ money is a judicious proceed nj shay
Its not iudiciOus."
MY dear FLOW" exclaimed the gem
eral amateur, interpectionally. you
/ don't mean-whatsh-you- shay
Il do was the short response from
the baritone.
eral amateur. You shed-to cleo
money-Washn't- Ju-sldiOus."
Weir inquired the basgo, inclined
. TO defend the first speaker.
Well the general amateur went on,
slowly. nodding his head, an speaking
with the utmost elaboration. with a
pause between every word, "you-don't
--mean-when-you - shay - jusidious
you mean-I ell-you-What-yO
mean-yOu mean-sedusiOus"
And having settled the matter entire
~ to his own satisfaction, his head fell
forward on his breast, and IN another
second he had Joined the two other
slumberers.
But the argument was not allowed
TO drop all at once.
What nOnsh-' growled the bari
tone. Il shed itsh-not 'zeducious'-
that's the word"
1T tishn't word" observed the basso
profundo. as he, too, sank into sleep.
ltsh tn dead"
The doctor alone was up to the mark.
and he was enjoying it all immensely
suppose we agree, he said. cheer
lIy, that you're both right-and that
we send round a collection paper. would
not that be- he said this slowly and
most distinctly JudiciOus?"
'Ihatsh the word" muttered the
stockbrOker, and he clenched his opin-
ION with a suOre that woke them an
up But they only murmured, Hear.
near and subsidized again
so the doctor and myself could
never have got away out of that at
mosphere without his help-went ont
into the sold night. Never for wears
AFTER did we ever meet but our part
ing word was given thus.
'Jusidious?" said ].
sedusshious,' answered the doctor.
And for the present there's an end.
NO more at present
(@Copyright I'm the United States of
America, All rights reserved)
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1904-06-26
Time Table
Ia EFFEif
JUNE 18th, 1904


ARRIVE.
From Ogden. Portland, Butte
san Francisco, Chicago, St Q.9E = -
Louis Omaha and Denver ..... J'A5 q Aa
FROM Ogden and intermediatee.fe a r.,
Roiats s.ss..s...ss....s...... f'a' = "a
OGDEN, Cache valley and Inter-IfsSs a "a
Hieoiate points,. .--..s.... AA'SS = "a
From Ogden, Chicago. St. Louis,
s5 aPi ssn SSl rShoi ooaha . n.nvs'2a n
FROM Ogden. Cache Valley
dass5. Portland and San Iraa.7:3O "A
DEPART.
For ogden. Omaha CHICAGO.
Denver, Kansas City and st.T.aa . q,
es4ata .sss .ss....s..s..-......-- sss~ y ~
For Ogden, Portland, Butte. San
francisco and intermediate IesfA . -
points .sss....sss...s...t..s ANaN" . -
For Ogden, Omaha, Chicago,
sSa s5n f FTanets etty' St Loua l58
For Ogden, Cache valley, Den
YER Kansas city. Omaha, ST. EsiEa q,
Louis and Chicago .............. us1J Y 4
For Ogden, Cache Valley, Butte
Helena Portland San Fran-gI.Is - -
cisco and intermediate points. Ads10 Z ~
T. "a SCHUMACHER,
Traffic Manager.
y. -. hurley.
d. 8. SPENCER,
city ticket sffies. 90 HsiS strsst. Tisis-;
phone 20.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1904-06-26
WANTED:
Subscription representa-

by one Of the largest and
most popular magazines In America, ID
whom can be turned over each month ex-
pirinS subscriptions for renewal; also 90
secure new subscriptions on q special
plan which lnsures the bulk of the maya
zine subscription business Ia this local-
ity- Magazine reading IS on the in
crease ~ here one magazine Wes sub
scri3ed fCr zen years ago, three are taken
today Every year hundreds Of dollars
are paid out ~ every community for new
subscriptions. and in renewing old ones.
Most Of this money Is sent direct to pub
fishers. but people prefer TO 90 business
through a responsible local represents
tive, thus relieving themselves Of time
aud trouble Our representatives renew
upwards Of 30 per cent of subscri pti0ns
on the expiration lists furnished Write
tQday for authority and terms Address
~ BLIsHER, Box Sc, Station o. New
York City.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1904-06-26
~ TIME TABLE
JSaH Pedro, Los
S44TZ Angeles 6 Salt Lake
r. 4. Co.

DEPART
From Oregon Short Line Depot. salt LAKE,
City:
For Provo. Lehl. fairfield
Aercur, Nephi and SEnpete ia q ..
valley points ...-..........-....sAsO S as e
I For Garfield Beach. ToOele.
STOCKTON, Mammoth. EEFa- ga -.
ka and Silver City, Uss5 asS
For Provo, American Fork.
Lehi. Juab, Milford Frs
GO, Caiientes and inteTme- k.aS . -
ARRIVE
From Provo, American Fork.
LeLi, JuRb. Milford, FRS
GO, Cahsntes and interme- a.3E q n,
olate points ...--......s.....ss.t S'0O I''A
From Prove Lehi, Fairfield
Mercur and Sanpeta Val Es3E q .,
ley Railway points -..-........s VsSV Pen
From Silver City, Mammoth.
Eureka, stockton, TOcole E.3E . -
and Garfield Beach ..........,.> V'SV F'4
sDauy.
Daily Pullman Buffet Sleeping Cas-
Service between Salt Lake City and Mi
ford. MOdena and CBIIenfEs.
Direct stage connection for all mining
districts in southern Utah and Neva4G-
City Ticket Office, Z5l Main street.
Telephone $50
e. ". GILLETT. Gen. Pass Agent
J. L. MOORE, District Passenger Agent.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1904-06-26

If you are going 20 S. Louis, Kansas
City, Chicago New York or any point
east or south see that your ticket
reads via the Missouri Pacific railway.
Elegant coaches, quick time and eu-
perb track make this line the People
Favorite Route
The best line reaching Hot Springs,
Arkansas, the Carlsbad Of America.
For maps, Information, etc, address
H. G. TOWNSEND,
c. p. & r. A. Mo. Pac. Ry.s st. Louis,
Mo.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1904-06-26

Good old Doctor Portrait. Musical Imi-
talCls. Dramatic clubs. Moray Ministries.
Arthur Lewis. SCLiTl. A committee dil-
He-- Blua posts. Oid-fa= hioued dinner
Biscuits ard port The Voting The
question The company. Question from
Exception. Basso. Alto. A part dis
Cussion. Ending jn smoke Clipping
seutcnceS argument Judici0us decision.
LL-Ie.-
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1904-06-26

Things are different noVg." he said
I've just had q cocktail
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1904-06-26
It Puzzled The Senator

copyright I'm the United States o.
America, All rights reserved.)
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1904-06-26

(copyright, 1904 BY X H. HOlmes)
Fergus County argus. [volume] (Lewistown, Mont.) 1886-1946, 1904-07-27

Struck out by Rogers, S; by Hen
bricks, 1. BY Warner 3. Two base
hits-WilI Bebb. Foley, A, Baker,
Rogers /. by Warner 8. Hit by pitch
ed ball. Rogers, .. Passed balls,
Myers. 4; Morgan. l.. Double plays,
Dennis. Carr. Hits of Rogers, g.;
off Hendricks, ). Umpires Hanke and
Bullard. Time of game two hours.
Notes Of the Game.
Will Bebb was sound asleep on sec
ond twice. but made up for this by
hitting. getting four hits out of five
times at bat, a three-bagger, a two
Dagger and two singles.
Myers threw well 10 second, catch
ing such fast men as John Sweeney.
Foley strengthened the team by his
hitting, getting TWO pretty singles.
Ted Smith got three clean hits and
ran bases like a deer. He is just as
fast on his feet as when he used TO
do the pitching Tor the home team
years ago.
Art Baker was a little OF yesterday.
He did not play his usual game. but
put up a pretty good article as ii was.
He accepted some difficult chances
in a way that brought applause from
the bleachers.
Fergus County argus. [volume] (Lewistown, Mont.) 1886-1946, 1904-07-27

features will be car lot exhibits of
oreeding sheep, wool type.
fruit division of the Montana
state Fair will have a space this year
IS2 40 feet and is in charge of John
H. Toole, OF Missoula. and W. B. Har.
IAN president OF the state horticul.
tural society, A feature of the horti-
cultural exhibit in class |, lot So, is
an especially large premium for the
best commercial apple. There has
been much discussion as TO which is
the best COMMERCIAL apple under Mon
lana conditions, and this special Offer
ing VIII bring the matter into compe-
utlon that will have an important
bearing on the industry.
The county collective exhibit will
be a feature of the Montana State
FAR n Is divided into four classes,
SO mat every county may compete in
part or In whole. First the classes
are as follows. For best exhibit of
grains, $500, for the best exhibit of
grasses and forage plants, 5000: for
the best exhibit of vegetables and
root crops. 5000, for largest variety
of products, $500, and for best ar.
rangement and display. $50.
This gives $3.50 for this important
division and the people of several
counties are already planning to make
entries. The county commissioners
of several counties have made appro.
priations for the collection of a rep.
resentative exhibit from their respec.
tive counties.
Fergus County argus. [volume] (Lewistown, Mont.) 1886-1946, 1904-07-27
LEWISToWN MAN MARRIED.
Young Man Employed at Judith Hard
ware WEEDS Miles City Lady.

Tuesday evening, at the home of
Mr.. and Mrs. {. +. Kelly, their daugh'
ter. Miss Mabel. was united in mar.
riage 10 Mr.. Z. X, Cole. says the
Stock Growers Journal of Miles City.
The ceremony took place at S O'Clock,
the Rev. +. L. Dodds. the resident
minister of the ". L. church, official
ing. and Rev. 5. a. Oliver. presiding
elder of this district. and the former
pastor of the young people, also be-
ing present TO add his congratulations.
The wedding was private. only a very
few of the most intimate friends of
the bride being present besides the
family, and was as transformations as
are most private weddings.
After the ceremony the bountiiul
lunch in which the usual antidotes for
cold weather-iruit and ice cream
appeared. was served and the party
shortly made their way TO the depot
where the happy couple took the train
for Bozeman.
The groom is a young man who is
at present employed in the capacity
of plumber with the Judith Hardware
Co. He was Tor the past couple Of
years until recently located in Miles
City with Miles &c Ulmer. He is a
young man of sterling character and
will undoubtedly look well after the
future of his home and its queen.
The now MIS-. Cole is the only
daughter of Nj. and Mrs. c. F. Kelly
and is a sprigntly and intelligent
Nrnnnu Wnn1an nT "a cheerful 1iEtnEi.
ton which made her the sunshine of
the home she has left and with which
she will continue 10 enlighten that TO
which she as gone. The congratula-
tons and well wishes of a host of
friends follow the happy couple TO
their new home at Lewistown.