Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1904-07-15
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"I can always tell when you are go-
ing to. tell lie,'' said Gregg to Legg.
"How?" asked Legg. II see you open
your mouth" said Cregg.-Town
Topics.
Old Gentleman Ito small boy, who
is nursing a skinned knee)-Did you
fall down, little chap? Small Boy
Yer didn't think 1 fell up and Dashed
agin cloud, did yer?
Barnes Tormer-I am in a ouandary.
have been offered an engagement by
two managers, and l don't know how
to act Sue Brette-Well, don't worry.
They'll soon find it out
''And do you think" he asked, that
men progress after death? ?'' "Well,'
she replied, ''if they don't, it would
almost seem useless for some of them
to die."-Chicago Record.
Mother-Willie, what's Tommy cry
Ing for? Willie-Only because he
doesn't want to learn anything. just
took his sweets and showed him how
to eat them, and he screamed.
Thomas, spell weather." said the
teacher. Thomas W-i-a-e-t-h-t-h-i-
ear. Teacher-You may sit down,
Thomas. You've given us the worst
spell of weather we've had this year.
she-But if you say you can't bear
the girl, why ever did you propose? He
Well, her people have always been
good to me and it's the only way
could return their hospitality
Miss Cutting-That dog of yours
seems to be remarkably intelligent.
Softleigh-Yaws, indeed! law
could not begin to tell you all he
knows. Miss Cutting-No, Of course
not.-New Yorker.
Bizzer-I regret to learn that your
son Reginald failed in his graduating
examination at Harvard. Buzzer-
Reggy could stand that if only his crew
had not been beaten in the boat race
Ohio State Journal.
Gentleman Ito man on horseback
get that horse along with spur on
one side only? Horseman-Well, sir,
if I gets that ere side to so, amt the
other bound to keep up?
what a polite little boy you are
exclaimed Miss Anne Teek, land do
you always take off your hat like that
when you speak to ladies'" ''No'm,"
replied the polite little boy. "onIy old
ladies" s."-Philadelphia Press.
II think I'll take this bracelet" said
a lady whose husband had suddenly
Rmassed a fortune. Are you sure it's
made of refined gold?' "Oh, yes," an
swered the jeweler. Because l do
detest anything that isn't refined!' said
the lady.
The Uncle-Well, here's the money
you've been bothering me for. Now,
remember the old saying that "a fool
and his money are easily parted.
The Nephew don't know about
that. I've had to coax you for more
than a week for this.
Il wonder why the groomsman at a
wedding is called the best MANI"
queried the leap-year girl. Il suppose
rejoined the old bachelor. 1T is be-
cause he has shown his superior in
tellect in not posing as the victim in
the tragedy Chicago News.
She was city bred, and had the usual
fear of cows. why" she asked, when
the danger was past, "did you take me
across this lot?" The small country
lad chuckled 81 thought it would be
fun," he said, ''to see you try to climb
tree" Then after another chuckle:
"And it was."-Philadelph Ledger.
"Yes," said Mrs. Wordsworth; the
family are most interesting. John
dances divinely, Tom sings like an an
gel, David is a famous footballer, Su-
same paints with great TASTE" And
Henry?" "Oh. Henry! Well, he's a
rather dull sort of a fellow, you know.
He only works and supports the 9TH
ers."
John" said the bargain hunting
half of the matrimonial trust as they
sat at the breakfast table, Il wish you
would let me have $25 this morning"
MY DEAR" replied the meek and
lowly husband, Il wish you would
break yourself of the habit you have
IF dreaming that married an heiress." !"
I-Tit-Bits.
Employer-You are having a decided
Irritation with the girl who has charge
of our telephone wire? Truthful Clerk
with cold chills running up and down
his spine, and with visions of instant
dismissaD-Y-e-e-s, sir; but please,
sir Employer-Well, keep it up.
She will give more attention to our
calls If you do.
The small boy was having his face
bathed by a sister, who perhaps show
ed rather more enthusiasm in the mat
ter than, was altogether necessary, for
the victim wriggled in her grasp. Let
me CO." he said gaspingly. when he
had shaken off the folds of the bit Of