Adams County news. [volume] (Ritzville, Wash.) 1898-1906, 1904-02-17
TO READERS OF THE NEWS. q

~ NGADENo UT HE NE W. d
II TAKE my pen in hand to inform
Il gentle yet trusting public that
l have been nominated by the Lind
Leader as candidate for sheriff OF
Adams county. The head squeezers
of the combined political powers are
not favorable to me, or any other man
who is suspicioned OF having a mind
of his own. Looking over the entire
list OF obscure men, it would seem that
they have been unable to drop upon
man who has made better showing
in this line than l have. Haas says
we are entitled to it and we reckon
that he is a close kalkerlator and what
Haas says generally goes.
l thank my friends for the kind
offer to bait into the shrievalty throne
which will soon be vacant and for rent.
Having passed through an Arkansas
cyclone and Occur d'Alene outb. eak,
feel that | would rather ride cyclone
without saddle or bride, than to be-
stride the slippery political broncho.
But since my friends have nominated
me, l feel that | should do everything
and anything that would advance my
bloomin' interests, but do not care
to form the habit OF dissecting people
Tor some day might be called upon
to dissect a friend for whom l had an
attachment, or some creditor who h I'd
an attachment on me. In touting
myself for the office, l shall not do
much boosting, for have nothing to
Drag about. Unlike all other caudi-
dates on earth who come before frivo.
lous and freckle minded public, l was
born in obscurity and the dark Of the
moon. My pedigree is brief as jack
rabbits tail. come before the pub
lie in a fizz'e and burst OF glory, with
pipe dream as dizzy as the other
dubs. II you like me and our spiels
about Adams county not going to
guinea in somebody else's hand bas ket,
vote for me; if not Pm not wanted and
III go way back. Ihave been a residen;
and have continually infested this COM
munity for the past nineteen years and
during that time age has brought me
caution and lot of shop-worn expert
ence, purchased at the highest market
price. Time is also bringing along
vain regrets and wisdom teeth that
can be left in glass OF water every
night. During that time l have stud
led the human race and also the
horse race. l have studied men in all
walks Of life including cake. walks.
have also looked into the great nation.
al game of poker, and say without
fear of successful contradiction that it
is curse OF state and national legis-
lation.
Since recovering from the stagger-
ing nomination blow we have ceased
to publish the weather forecasts which
we have been publishing as forecasted
from the News observatory. v lille
we have had wonderful luck in hitting
the weather for three or four days
ahead, local subscribers have had nc
interest in it and have discouraged
the enterprise. This arises from the
fact that no one in Ritzville cares a
cast iron cent what the weather is so
long as it is not hot. Ii fair, with a
stiff breeze, they race off to the creeks
to fish. If foul, they gather in the
barrooms and drink whisky and play
seven-up. The least that concerns
them is what the weather is going to
be on the morrow, and SO long as we
have campaign on hands we don t
propose to EDUCATE them up to feeling
anxious about it. We have had much
difficulty in deciding in what way we
would open our campaign. We first
thought we would open it with can
opener, aud if we found it IN "a good
state Of preservation, we would then
take step farther toward civil cation
and use cOrkscrew. We have been
warned Icy the authorities of Rltzvile
not to do so, but we must do some
opening, even in IA surrsptitious kind
of way in order to square ourself with
the poor nottingham and four flush
him into voting for us. We undo r.tand
the Henneberg guerrilla gang has cir