Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1904-08-02


Doctor Holmes. being asked by a
young phys ician what sign to put ON
his door, replied; The smallest few
ers gratefully received"
Mrs. Smith-AIy husband has been
enjoying very poor health of late.
Mrs. Brown-How fortunate that he
can enjoy it. Very few people so.
A iuryman icing asked by the
judge if he ever read the Papers. re-
piled: Yes. your honor; but II you'll
let me go this time. I'll never do so
any more"
Patience-See how yello-s her hair
Is; and it used to be brown. Patrice
Yes; she's been using one of those
yellow journals 20 make curl papers.
--Yonkers statesman
He had play produced by an
amateur coTpany the other night, l
believe. WHO was the hero of it, do
you know Il was one. sat
through it"-Philadelphia Ledger.
A little Maine girl came to her
mother one morning and said: Mann
ma, don't fee! very we'll" "Well,
that's too bad" said mamma; where
dc you feel the worst:" In school,"
was the prompt reply.
AN elephant must be pretty ex-
pensive animal" Yes. / wish had
enough money TO buy one" What
do you want With an elephant?" Il
don't. I merely expressed a wish for
the money. Philadelphia Press.
She (angrily,-Sir. l understand you
said had a face that would stop a
clock. He (calmly)-So l did. Any
well-regulated clock would pause ana
hold up its hands in admiration at
sight of your lovely face-St. Louis
Star.
Husband (who had been out West
on business. and left his wife some
blank checks)-Mary. find you have
considerably overdrawn at the bank.
Mary--Nonsense, John, how can that
be? I've two of those blank checks
left yet.
Mrs. Jenks-Are you perfectly sat
lsfled with your new dress? Mrs.
Speitz-Yes. indeed The man love
best thinks it's beautiful. and the
woman l love least has pretended to
turn up her nose at it.-Philadelphia
Ledger.
A c)wardly fellow, having kicked
newsboy for Fostering him 10 buy an
evening newspaper. the lad waited till
another boy accosted the gentleman"
and then shouted in the hearing of the
bystanders: IT'S no Use to try him.
Jim, he can't read"
Sometimes" said the poet. II am
almost afraid that take myself too
seriously" "0h, well, never mind"
replied his kind-hearted friend,
there's no harm done if you do.
Everybody else regards you as
oke."-Chicago Record Herald
Here is peculiar advertisement
which recently appeared in Brisbane
paper: "Permanent.-Want man
to look after one horse and few
cows and pigs. One who can impart
the rudiments of French, singing and
the piano to children preferred"
I'D like TO have your check for that
little midnight supper served at
your house last month" said the
caterer. You'll have to wait until l
get the doctors bill for curing me OF
indigestion, replied the victim That
comes off your bill.'-Philadelphia
Press.
Il know what you've come here
for" said little Willie: you're going
to ask my sister 10 be your wife"
| 'Oh! Why do you think sou " Cause
/ | heard her telln' ma she was goin
To cit YOU in corner tonight and
make you say it"-Chicago Record
Herald.
Moose Meadow Sherlff-Yes, that's
Spike Moran, alias Big Eddy, alias
lin Thornton, alias Kid McDuf. He's
burglar. Stranger-But why do you
lat him live here? SheI'ff-Jest to fat
ND the census. We put him in the
directory under each name. you see.
Judge.
.'Don't be too quick to strike an
other my boy" said the kindly old
man. VINO had interrupted the fight;
always count ten before you do 1t.
and then" "Yeh." replied the
boy. contemptuously, AN den It'll be
de referee datll be countin' ten on
yon."-Philadelphla Press.
Jennie's mother was expecting com
pany. but just before train time
telegram arrived which read Missed
train. will start at same time to-
morrow" Jennie rushed home from
school expecting TO see the guest, but
instead was shown the message Aft
or reading II laborously and careful
ly through, she exclaimed; why,
mamma. II she starts at the same time
tomorrow, she will miss the train
again.