Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1904-09-30

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noys me. ticking under my pillow. Her
Chum-Why don't you get one of those
silent midnight watches?
Sallie-What does Carrie do for a
living? Hallie-She paints. Sallie-
1 knew that, but didn't know she got
paid for it.-Boston Traveller.
Mrs. Torker-Tommy. you must not
interrupt me when 1 am speaking.
Tommy-Then how'll l ever get a
chance to say anything ?-Life.
Old Mother Hubbard, she went out
and rubbered. New neighbors were
just moving in. "Fll just take peep.
My! their furniture's cheap!' she said.
with satisfied grin.
Magistrate-The evidence clearly
shows that you threw a stone at this
man. Prisoner-An' the looks of the
man shows more than that. your hon
or; it shows that hit him.
Mrs. Nurich-I think I'll take this
watch. You're sure it is made Of re-
fined gold? Jeweler-Certainly. Mrs.
Nurich-Because I do detest anything
that amt refined. - Philadelphia
Ledger.
my physician says that worry
makes people thin" II don't believe
it." answered Miss Cayenne. There
is nothing that worries some people
more than the discovery that they are
getting fat"
First Lady Gin an open car)-rN bet
anything it's going to rain! Second
Lady-Nonsense! the sky's clear as a
bell. First LADY, know that; but
why did those gentlemen give up their
end seats, 1 should like to know?
Indian Killer (from New York;
Where's yer Indians? Colorado Jack
ALL dead. Indian Killer-Who killed
'em! Colorado Jack-Why. you see.
young feller, they heard you was COM
ing. and they laid down and died.
Aren't you married yeti? Ne"
"Well. well! 1 thought you were en-
gagged to a certain young lady in Scar
borough" mo. 1 was engaged to
An uncertain young lady in Searbor-
ough, and that's why l am not mar
ried"
Cassidy suppose ye heard the
news about Flannery? Casey-Phat
news? Cassidy-He was drownded
this marnin'. Casey don't believe
it. Shure, 1 was taykin' to him yis-
therday. an he niver said a word about
it-Philadelphia Press
"Well, what does he say?' inpatient
ly asked Mr.. Spotcash. 'I'll tell you
In \ moment" replied his secretary,
who was still struggling with the
opening sentence Of a letter from that
German correspondent of the firm. 81
haven't got to the verb yet"-Chicago
Tribune.
"It must be a great satisfaction to
have such a palatial apartment" said
the old-tme friend. ut is," answered
Mr.. Cumrox; 'it's a heap OF comfort
to have a house big enough to wander
away and get lost in when mother and
the gals are giving musicale or re-
eeption."- Star.
Lakeside dn Eighth avenue restau-
rant)-I see you have sign requesting
gentlemen to remove their hats. Wait
er-Yes: we found it necessary. Lake
side-Just like New York. Why. out
in Chicago we never think Of sitting
down to a meal without taking Off our
hats and coats.-Town Topics.
Il suppose" said Mrs. hyperion.
you are thoroughly familiar with the
duties Of a cook?'' ''Oi am, ma'am,"
replied the applicant. Can you make
a mayonnaise dressing?" asked the
prospective employer. NO. ma'am; OF
only do plain sewin'." answered the
cook lady. "Oi have all me own dresses
made"-Chicago News.
Willing, but Hampered.-RichC Caller
(whs is making the round of the ten
ement districts-Well, l must go now.
Is there anything can do for you, my
good woman? The Other (of the sub
merged)-No. thank ye, mem. Ye
mustn't mind it. mem. if don't return
the call. I haven't any time to go
slummin' meself.-Chicago Tribune
81 had a good job last summer, but
lost it on account of my fool absent
mindedness," said poor old Seldum
Fedd, pessimistically; 81 was actin as
de echo for a mountain hotel; an l
done all right till one. moonlight night.
when a smart guy from de city hol-
Tered, Hello. Smithr r forgot myself
aa, answered back. Which Smith do
yer mean?' Judge. =
.Jones-what Is Newlywed Bigghed
looking SO ,glum about? Smith-Why,
the Sypsy fortune-teller lust told his
wife that she would have two hus-
bands and that the second one would
be a very fine sort of man. Jones
Ha. hal And Bigghed thinks that is a
reflection on him. L suppose? Smith
oh, ne. He thinks his wife must
have been married before and never
told him.-Tit-Bits-
The Mean Man.
"Ds mean man." said Uncle Eben.