Condon globe. (Condon, Gilliam Co., Or.) 189?-1919, 1904-09-01

smarter than women, do your He
Some men, but not ALL She-Well,
what men are smarterl He-old bach,
elors.-Illustrated Bits.
"What do you put on your face after
shavingT asked the man who smell@i
OF bay rum. "Court plaster. usually"
replied the nervous chap. gloomily.-
Cincinnati Commercial Tribune.
Does your little girl know how to
spellf' "0h. dear no. That's 50 pie
beian. and we expect her to marry q
man who is rich enough to let her
have an amanuensis."-Chicago Post
Have you heard about the latest in
surance company" "No; what is itf'
''why, it's one that promises to pay all
mony to both parties in case the mar
rage proves q failure."-Detroit Free
Press.
Miss vane-Some one told me to-day
that l was the handsomest girl In oul
street. Miss Speitz-Oh, that's not In
durable! Miss Vane-What do yoC
meant Miss Speitz-Your habit oi
talking to yourself!
Baxter-we had some fine music al
the concert last night Caxton-l
thought you didn't enjoy high-class
music. Baxter-Oh, didn't enjoy It
that's why l know 1t must have beer
high class.-Boston Transcript
Augustus (no longer the youthful
Well. there's one comfort; they say al
40 q man Is either a fool or a physi
clan. Angelina (nearly swallowing q
yawn)-And are you physician, them
Augustus-No. Angelina-0h!
Used 10 It.-Tommy was visiting q
neighbor'S At dinner the hostess apol.
OgiEed to him because the table linen
was solled at his plate. "Oh' that's
nothing" he assured her, promptly
"ours is worse'n that at home
Brooklyn Life.
'That land said the city nephew, SIS
valued at $500 q front foot" ''Thun
deration!' exclaimed the old farmer
hastily moving back on to the side
walk. "And / stood on 1t most five
minutesl Do you reckon they'll charge
me rentT-Chicago Post
Among a number Of notes received
by a teacher In excuse for the absenc'
was the following: Dear Teacher
Kindly excuse Minnie for having beeI
absent yesterday, as she fell In thu
mud on her way to school. By doing
the same, you will oblige, Her Mother
They had been engaged long time
and one evening were reading thu
paper together. Look, look" he ex
claimed. "only fifteen dollars for sui
of clothesT 'Is it a wedding suitr
she asked, looking naively at her lover
"Oh, nor' he replied, '1t is a business
suit" "Well, 1 meant business" sh'
replied.
A military officer went downtown
with his little daughter one morning
Before long the little lady found herself
unable to keep up with her father
swinging stride, and she was obliged Il
cry a halt please, pa" she said, I"
would like you not to walk so fast
for l can't keep up with you. Can
you walk nice and slow like a police
manT
"a woman can't keep secret" de
clares the mere man. "Oh, l don
know" retorts the futtery woman
"I've kept my age secret since wa
a." Eyes; but one of these days yo1
will give it away. In time you vii
simply have to tell it" well, thinl
that when a woman has kept secre
for twenty years she comes pretty neal
knowing how to keep it"-Judge.
During the late Boer war, just afteI
the fall of Bloemfontein, soldiers wer'
called upon, owing to the scarcity o
civilians, to work the railway. Th'
weary men were lying In camp on,
night, after hard days work, when
sergeant called out: ANY Of you wisl
to put your name down as railway por
ters. drivers, stokers, guards, or an,
other appointment connected with tn
railwayY The silence was broken Onl,
by snores. Then one Of the men slow
: ly raised his head. Put me down a
a sleeperr' he shouted drowsily.
A curious and amusing mixture O
early piety and worldliness came
light In a city school room one da
when the teacher had asked the chi
dren to write on their pads of pape
something about the profession or OK
cupation in which they would like
engage when they became men an
women. One little girl wrote brief
but effectively, II would desire to be
lady rider at circuss If it was tt
Lords WILL" Another little girl wit
equally mixed ideas wrote, "MisSiol
ary, but If not that millinery or eler
| In candy SfOreo