The Hawaiian gazette., 1904-11-15

hen ls.d b. vas dropped 70 = padded
compartment below There was a l0i
~ mesnneis ih1Ht that device in my
opinion lhf ,nine ~ these agricultural
inventors arc forever fixing ~ under
hand devices for the humiliation and
encouragement ~ the hen
"a fcw years ago a machine called
the mechanical houacmaid was actually
patented be- apparatus chufns butter
washes and irons clothes, rocks the
baby and performs all the res OF the
household work except the fancy sewing
and putting the cat OFT az night. The
patentec. IN his specifications. described
the operation OF the machine at great
length
"Iou place your baby in the cradle,
he wrote. IN essence, your cream IN the
churn. your clothes to be washed in the
receptacle provided therefor. &c, and
the rest was the merest turning Of a
magical crank that started all OF these
various activities TO buzzing.
"A peculiar patent, actually granted,
| for the saving Of human life from burn
ing buildings is portable parachute
contrivance which the inventor aims TO
have installed in every room of every
hotel on the globe The man who is
caught on the twelfth or twentieth floor
OF burning hotel has only TO fasten
| the parachute firmly to his head by
means OF chin and neck straps. and then
| Jump into space, with or without a NUT
| tered prayer
Before donning the portable para
| chute he has fastened shoes with thick
rubber soles to his feet-the shoes being
part OF the apparatus-in order to give
him a gentle bounce when he hits the
ground The chap who invented this
thing gave demonstration of the work
ing of the contrivance before he received
his patent, hopping off the roof of
| hotel in Western city unbeknownst to
the proprietor of the hosiery.
The parachute opened up all right,
but the inventors descent was so ex
tremely gradual and deliberate that he
was considerably more than three parts
hanged by the neck when he reached
the ground
"An invention for the terrifying OF rats
and mice was patented long ago, and
! understand that it has become a seller
The invention was simply papier
mache cat provided with luminous eyes.
The idea is to plunk the papier mache
cat down before a rat hole and the
luminous eyes do the rest.
"All sorts OF patents have been grant
ed for rendering the milking of cows
easy or easier. Orville Grant, a brother
of Gen. Grant, got out one of these
patents The fact that it wasn't partic-
ularly practicable was manifested by
Gen. Grants description of how it work
ed.
"'Orville tried the thing on an TN
trained COW that had no respect for
patents said Gen. Grant. 'Orville
didn't look so pretty when he got
through, but he knew a damned sight
more
"A Inicaoo man who stated in his
application that he had been twice held
up by footpads, neither OF whom he
cared to shoot to death with the pistol
he carried on his person because he did
Mt want to have the shedding of human
blood on his soul, applied for patent
on hollow bullet with a gelatine tip.
The hollow bullet was to be filled with
certain powerful gas.
Upon striking the miscrcant intended
to be brought down the soft gelatne tip
of the bullet would drop off. permit
ting the escape of the aforementioned
powerful gas, the overpowering narcotic
properties of which were designed &c
put the victim to sleep for an indefinit,
length of time. The Chicago mar
couldn't exactly prove his case, and sc
he didn't get his patent.
''Plenty of contrivances have been in
vented for awakening hard sleepers. One
of them is a sort of automatic hydraulic
jack, which begins operations at the
required and adjusted hour by slowly
pushing the mattress upon which the
hard sleeper repoSeS up toward the cell
ing.
AN eminently clever little patent was
baby's rattle, invented by girl OF 6
years of age. The patent was taken out
in the little ones name, and an affidavit
was submitted to the effect that the child
had devised the invention without any
assistance whatever.
Some patents taken out by number
of great men look freakish enough when
viewed from the standpoint of present
day ingenuity. The working model OF
Abraham Lincoln's device for raising
vessels from shoals, upon which patent
was granted. is an oddly out of date
affair to look over. So is the model of
Mark Twain's scrapbook, upon which
the humorist took out a patent many
years ago. 1t was thought to be very in
genious and clever at the time Mr..
Clemens got it out, but improved scrap
books came so thick and fast that he
never made anything out of it.
Neither did Ole Bull, the celebrated
violinist OF another generation, ever
make anything out OF the glass cased
piano upon which he took out an Amer
lean patent the last time he visited the
United States. Hans Won Bulow, the
/ -.
came here to look at the Ole Bull glass
piano specifications and claims when he
was in Washington about decade ago.
1T ISIS a foolshness, he said, shaking
his head sadly, and he had it about
right"
| LUCK AND LAZINESS.