Northern Wisconsin advertiser. [volume] (Wabeno, Wis.) 1898-1925, 1904-11-10

York Tribune.-From the threshold of
the study Doris Elzevir saw that her
father was not at his desk, but that
he had forgotten to take his keys from
the drawer that he usually kept lock-
ed. She often had seen him-when
he thought no one. was iooking-take
from it fat book, and pore over its
pages with an expression upon his
face that she never saw there at any
other time. Within a few minutes
her curiosity triumphed, and the vol
ume was In her hands.
She was astonlshed to see that it
was a scrapbook, with many of its
leaves pasted with slips Of typewrit-
ing. More curious than before, she
sat down in a chair, and read the
first of the slips:-
Professor to student: You say we
are of vegetable origin. Let me near
you prove It,"
Student: Darwin and Huxley have
demonstrated that man descended
from an ape, and 1t goes without
proof that the ape descended from a
tree
Much bewildered, she read the
next
A jeweler was trying to sell a man
clock that was shaped like a parrot
81 don't trust that timepiece, said
the customer.
"Why?" asked the clockman.
Polly ticks" replied the customer
Can It be that my father wrote
these?" Doris asked herself-"my
father who scorns even to smile?"
Her father was a renowned scholar.
His early work, 1.-THE Exegesis OF the
Exigent," had lifted him from obscur-
ity into the llme-light of the scholas-
tic world. Not one word Of 1t or of
his subsequent works could be con
strued by the most frivolous into even
hint of humor. Besides, the levity
of the modern press and declared
that the safety of advanced thought
rested upon the suspension of all hui
morous publications.
Never had Doris seen the ghost OF
smile fit across her fathers midnight
features. The two jokes had given
her a desire to laugh, but she knew
how InfilIal II would be to yield to the
influence which he had condemned
publicly. The only possible use he
could make of such book was as
material for a work that world strike
humor a deadly blow. and Doris read
on to see how deadly the blow would
be She turned the first leaf and
saw this
The Whffergll flew on Fildub Tree,
And plrckod himself off a leaf,
And boosted aloud "Of the Whittier
gills
This proves me to be the chief"
Twas In the quaint land of the Gosh.
miSall
BY hundredes the natives came,
And asked one another dejectedly:
pray what Is this Whiffers game?
"Oh why does he sit in a Fildub Tree?
Why pluck he thereof a lenf?
And how does thai prove that of all
the Gills
Ht w hllNl Alil 10 's4tS NhAtl d.
They sent then ard there, for the
Thinksumthinks,
The scholars of Ooshmigall.
And, coming at once to the Fildub
Tree,
Each looked like n knowitall.
And If you should journey to Ooshmi-
gall
You'd find TO this very day.
Those wise men stin under the Fildub
Tree
And hear each one sadly say:
"a leaf Is leaf. and trees tree;
A Gill Is Gin. tits TRUE;
But II don't know why the Winters
chief,
I'll soon have to say do"
A laugh Of triumph dubbed to
Doris's lips. This scrap poked fun
at scholars. What better evidence
could her father find of the irrever.
ence of modern humor? With glow.
Ing expectation of how he would re-
taliate, she turned another leaf and
read
What Is the difference between diff.
ference and Difference? None; for as
soon as you show Difference you show
the difference.
What is a quart? The discussion
shouid be divided into two pil.as.
How far wrong was the Irishman
when he said that the alphabet was
'aisy The "A letters that become
between the two.
When Is woman? Never: she can.
not be assigned to any age.
When is man? All ways-some OF
them very dark and questionable.
Smiling, as she thought what a
blow her father could strike with
these queries alone. Doris turned to
the next slip, and read
There was an old miser in Kent.
Who cotrld hide the whole earth with
n cent:
But he died one fine day.
And his creditors say
That his life was most pay-shunned