River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1904-09-15
TRIBULATIONS OF A GREA'
GRANDFATHER.

Elkins, w. Va, Sept. ?, 81

IL.
Elkins, w. Va, Sept. 2, GA.
Dear Sonny-Had to have breakfast
bed this mornin' all on account of a j
little Stevey Elkins put up on me- II
grandchildren gave what they called
Rough Rider German" to the Repub
cans of Randolph County and got me
lead it in the suit wore when 20,
Hickory" licked the British at New o.
leans in 1915.
You ought to have seen the what-yoC
call them favprs-saddles, brides, boots
spurs, ridin' gauntlets, guns and pistols
enough to arm a cavalry regiment OF
trainin' day. Then they fitted me III
with all the fxin's of a Colonel of the
Rough Riders, mounted me on fiery UNI
tanned hobby horse named Bucephalus
and sent me prancin' up and down the
line of shoutin' kids with fddles playin
"Garry-own' and Steve Elkins yellin'
like Comanche Indian.
For about five minutes | was 1t. Grim
visaged Dick caperin' in my lady's cham.
Der in all the pomp and circumstance of
glorious war wasn't in it with melville
my breath held out Suddenly, ouch! my
legs went back on me, the room turned
turtle, as they say in the navy, and the
next thing your Uncle Henry knew he
was in bed with hot bottles all around
him and the doctor feedin' him whisky
with a spoon.
They say a man has more than 200
bones in his body, and | know it, for
I've an ache in every one of them.
But the bodily pains amt the worst
that came of my leadin' that Rough
Rider German. Between the over-exer.
ton and the whisky had the dodgasted
est nights sleep you ever knew. | dream
ed a dream worse than ACKNOWLEDGMENT.
1t seemed like l was visitin' you at Rose.
mount. We had spent the eve'ing tryin'
unsuccessfully to find some issue that
hadn't been firmly and irrevocably" set
tied right by the Republicans, and You
proposed that we should go out an cool
our feyered brows on the pier in the
moonlight.
was Just beginnin to quote poetry
from N. p. Willis about the soft light
that breaks across the lakes, when you
whispered, Ssh! Look! BY Dave Hill,
if there amt golu fish, | looked, but
couldn't see anything but fresh water
sucker giving forth a putrescent glow as
he hoated by.
Before l could interfere, you shouted,
'I'll catch himr' and plunged headlong
into the murky tide.
"NHhat was the last / saw of you. For
hours | stood rooted to that spot, peerin
into the watery depths. You never came
up. Only bubbles and still more bubbles.
just like your speech of acceptance.
AT last | pulled myself together and
yelled for help. Dave Hill was the first
to appear upon the scene. | see him now
wearin' a red night cap on his head and
the destinies of the Democracy in the
hollow of his hand.
Boys" said Dave, as soon as he took
in the situation and summoned the Tx
ecutive Committee, ''boys, this is seri-
GUS occasion, We've got to get Il new
figure head for the ticketr
Whats thatY' says |. whats the
matter with your Uncle Henry? What
becomes Of the duties and powers de-
volvin' on me under the Constitution in
case Of the removal, DEATH resignation
or inability of the PresidentW
You should have seen the look Of pity
that came into that good mans eyes.
Mind you, it was all a dream. | will
never again believe that he never knew
the touch Of love, nor maiden's hand in
his'n. 'Nunky," says he, "Nunky so
home and go to bed! The Constitution
refers to Vice President-elect You are
not elected yet, and it's long shot that
you won't be. If there had been any
chance of that I'd have headed the cicket
myself"
Before l could demonstrate he waived
me aside, saying, $50 home, Nunky, and
tend to your business signing checks"
That made me so mad i woke up.
That's what one gets for leadin germans
at eighty-One.
Your affectionate uncle,
HENRY GASSAWAY.