davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1904-04-10

to his lameness he'd picked up a couple
or Doulders and a few railroad spikes
on his way around theFtrack.
That made it so strong that there
wasn't chance in the world for a beef
anywhere. The horse had been lame
gong to the post, hadn't he? He'd
won In spite. of his obvious lameness
and had limped back to the paddock
after the race, hadn't he? Sure!
Nothing to that!
such good horse that he'd been
able to beat the crabs opposed to him
on three legs-that's all there was to
1t. But, at that the booknakers
wouldn't put up much of a bIeat, be-
cause the shredding had all been done
in the city pOolroOms.
RMS was one that could only be
worked once on each track, but the
owner of the horse, who knew the
game or old crippled soldier, got away
with it on three of the outlaws that /
Know of, and each time he pulled down
enough to give the barn wolf the boot
for long time ahead.
Ten minutes before the first race
at Wheeling one day the owner of the
horse that was the natural favorite in
the betting was seen by the bunch in
the paddock to hand his black stable
foreman swift jar on the nose, and
then follow this up by a series Of
straight Jabs and uppercuts that made
the foreman's map look like chart of
Manchuria that's been left out all night
and rained on.
You embarrassing cut throat
the owner of the faVOrite was bowling
at his foreman all the time that he
punched him, don't you try to tell me
that you didn't know that that horse
was going to run today and that YOU
gave him full feed only an. hour ago
because you thought that tomorrow
was his day to run!' and he handed
the dlnge another hot paste in the
teeth.
Deed All dun fo'get It, boss the
coon foreman protested, trying to
shield his face with his arms. 'Ah
can't read de caPndah, an All dun got
mixed, deed All did. All thought de
Of boss wasn't uh-goin' tell t'morruh
or All sho' nevuh would "a fed him lax
All did,
The dead sore looking owner pass
ed the dinge another couple of clips
on the diagram, and then he went
a-roaring to the stewards.
Gentlemen he said to the stew
ards, III have to ask permission to
draw my horse from this race. The
crazy niger that oversees my stock
fed him only an hour ago claiming
that he'd forgot that the horse was
going to race today, and Of course that
makes him useless
Then the owner passed the stew
ards the high sign Of the Ossawota-
mics, and they were next
We shah have to decline such per-
mission, the top steward gravely an
nounced. There's going to be no Job
berry around this track! You get your
horse saddled for the post, sir. He's
going to be cantered around the track
whether he runs his race or not
" But do you think it's square to
force me to take chance on running
my horse by racing him only an hour
after he's had d full feed?' said the
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1904-04-10

owner with a swell imitation of sulki-
ness, giving the stewards the No.
sign so as to make them dead certain
where they stood.
Your horse is entered, sir and the
betting on him has been in progress
Tor twenty minutes, and it is your af-
fair to see that your horse is fit
That's all. You get your horse ready
for the starter
The owner went down the stand
steps growing that it wasn't giving
the public fair shake to insist upon
a fed horse starting that was bound to
be last. The steward. winking the
off lamp, ordered him to cease his
murmur1ng on pain Of being suspend
ed.
The horse figured a legitimate 1 to
shot on his recent performances, but
when the bOokies' runners heard this
confabulation Of the owner with the
stewards they raced into the ring and
told the layers about it, and they
h'isted the price to and even to 1,
with the idea of mailing the sucker
money. They nailed lot of it, at
that
1.-THE horse, looking as dopey as a fox
terrier pup that's just eaten a couple
of hats and pair of slippers or SO,
lounged up to the post, got away at
the first break, and then lounged home
all alone, beating his field off by fifteen
lengths. 1t was a really remarkable
performance for a horse that had had
a full feed only an hour before his
start-uh-h it sure was.
''The dinge foreman, who hadn't fed
him an hour before the race, got
enough out of standing for the slug
ging his employer gave him to buy
the Korean army sticking plaster for
a thousand years.
1T was such an ordinary thing to
slam the hurry juice into the horses
racing at the outlaw tracks that no
attention was paid to it, except that
when the your-name-h has been-Se-
lected horse with the hop in him would
arrive at the post in a lather the
bookieS would instantly cut that ones
price to almost nothing, as everybody
had reason to take it for granted that
the horse looking to have the run-fast
bolus under his belt was the one that
was intended to win.
when the layers would cut the price
OF the horse appearing to have the hop
in him to little or nothing, they would
have to bunch the prices on the other
horses, or course, and this made IL
pretty soft for one fellow who had a
little plan to make horse look as If
he'd been doPed. In the quietude of
MS Dafn, lew minutes before the
race, he'd slap shaving soap lather all
over the sides of that horse and sponge
him to give him the appearance of be-
ing in a violent and profuse perspira-
ton.
The horse would go to the post that
way, and the boOlkies, taking a peek at
the field, would say of the foamy
horse. That's the one and chop his
price to I to 8, and let it stand that
way. The prices against the rest of
EN- ID go up. and the bunch in on the
cut would light on the real one and
the horse with the apparent dope in
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1904-04-10

London, Aug. IL, 1857.
My Dear Son: l have your letter Of
last Thursday stating that at a recent
notable function at WOOton on the
H1tes your hostess entertained a mon
key among other guests and DIaced
him in the post of honor on her right.
You say that you were disguised with
the proceeding and had all you could
do to be civil. l cannot repress NV
surprise that you should voice such
sentiments. No gentleman, a guest at
dinner, should ever express surprise
at anything his hostess does. If the
lady mad CHOSEN to invite a rhinocerOs
to her table it would be your business
TO be courteous to both, and I sincerely
hope that Lady Bellevue was not made
aware of the thoughts that seem to
nave been fitting through your mind
at that moment. Had l been in YOUR
place, the moment the monkey entered
the room l should have begged an in
PRODUCTION in some such fashion as
this:
All, Lady Bellevue, do introduce me
to your brother"
The lady would doubtless have said:
Brother? He isn't my brother"
An! Then your cousin, my dear
Lady Bellevue? I'd say the strong
family resemblance must have misled
me-"
, HdC you Snould 90 after that l.
leave entirely to your judgment, for
| am by no means certain what so orig
mai woman as Lady Bellevue would
nave replied to my second observation.
In any event. my dear son, you would
have shown an eagerness to meet the
guest of the evening which would have
proven gratifying both to himself and
to your hostess, and have given Lady
Bellevue splendid opportunity to ex-
plain the monkeys exact status in her
establishment.
Remember my boy, always be a gen
tleman, even in the presence of mani
kins. They are of an initiative habit,
and no one knows but that some day
you may be instrumental in leading
one Of them into the higher life. Yours
faithfully, Chesterfield.
P. S.-When you make your dinner
call on Lady Bellevue it may prove a
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1904-04-10

mo gentleman ever coughs in the
presence of his king, my son." said Lord
Chesterfield, nor should one of your
age intrude with a sound of any sort
upon the conversation of two such il
lustriOus personages as the king of
England and the ambassador of
France. Your only course would be
to summon one of the buffers, order
a pruning knife and cut your throat
with it, so that you could get at the
obstruction unostentatiously."
On another occasion the youngster
demanded to know what he should do
If at a fashionable banquet an entree
were served that he did not care for.
Some of the food we get these days
makes me positively ill.," said he Now,
should l eat it and make myself ill. or
should leave it and offend my host?"
Neither" said Lord Chesterfield.
Two courses are open to you. You may
either stick it under the table while
your host Is looking the other way, or
Whlsk 1t dexterously into your pocket
when nobody Is likely to see you. The
latter Is the preferable because the
more frugal. An entree that you might
not care for at dinner served cold,
might make tasty breakfast for one"
"a q ~ q
I is well known that the best work of
the age on etiquette was made up OF
the famous letters of Lord Chester
field to his son. In Running over this
charming volume some yeaFs ago was
struck by the singular fact. that one or
two Of the most interesting letters of
the series had in some way escaped
the editors eye. There was not only
no vestige of them in the book, but
no hint anywhere between it's covers
of the existence of them. so impressed
was by this singular omission that I
spent an evening later going through
my papers in search of copies of at
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1904-04-10

EN earlier pages of these memoirs,
writes Father Time in his Per
SOnal RecOllectiOns," l have made
frequent reference to Philip Dormer
StanhOpe, better known as Lord Ches-
terrified. 1t becomes a real pleasure for
me at this moment to set down such
observations as to his character as [
have been privileged from time to time
to make in the course of my acquaint-
ance With this highly polished noble
man.
a finer gentleman than Lord Ches-
terrified, not even excepting Job or
Beau BrummeI, it has never been my
good fortune to meet. Suave of man
ner, always; holding himself in perfect
control under all circumstances, no
matter how~tTying; courteous to others.
whether Of high or low station, he ap-
proximated that very perfect knight the
Cheyalier Bayard, who, as they say of
the thoroughly domesticated house cat,
was sans peur ct sans reproche.
My first acquaintance with Lord
Chesterfield was made in the spring
or 1T25, in London, at which time he
was attached to the person of George L
Of England as first lord of the trouserI
rack and assistant custodian of the
royal tooth brush. He was gaining un-
der the eye of his royal master a thor
ough knowledge Of those special at
tributes that go to the making Of q
gentleman. 1 encountered him at the
top Of the back stairs Of the Palace of
St. James, where he was sitting, In
Wardly convulsed with laughter be-
cause one of his fellow lords in waiting
had slipped upon the polished staircase
and had fallen to the bottom, landing
IN basket containing his majestys
freshly Numbered evening shirt. His
face was almost purple with the sup
pressed emotion, and fearing that his
Iordship would soon be visited by a
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1904-04-10

AXE your tooth out, free and in q
jiffy. right here in the open air, &C
cording to Dr. Yankems painless
SYSTEM" yells a man in Brooklyn from a
big red cart on every clear afternoon.
Beside him Is a dentists chair and a
table full Of instruments. 1t doesn't take
much of that sort of talk to collect
crowd and then the demonstration goes
on to explain that he is advertising a
new painless system Of pulling teeth and
that, for this afternoon only, he will yank
out molar or any other kind of tooth
absolutely free just to show the by5tand-
ers how easy it is.
His wagon stopped a few afternoons
ago in the square in front of the Union
League club and the talk began. Passers-
by stopped to listen and the little crowd
caught the attention of q crowd of raga-
mullins They Immediately gave up snow
balling Italian to see what was going
on, much to the sorrow of two of them,
a. 1t turned out later.
Now, ladies and gentlemen" began the
barker, II want to introduce to you Yam
kem's system of painless dentistry, the
medical marvel of the age. Seeing is be-
lieving, so 1 am here to offer to extract
painlessly the tooth of any person who
is suffering and seeks relief. Step up. 1t is
absolutely free"
A pale. long haired young man slowly
assembled the ladder and bravely took his
seat IN the CndlT Win SlCkly smile.
(Which is the tooth?" asked the dentist.
Here" gurgled the victim as he stuffed
his finger into his mouth and indicated
one.
The dentist didn't spend much time In
looking for the cause of the trouble or in
advising the patient that his tooth might
be saved by proper attention. He took
one glance at it, grabbed a syringe filled
with water-like liquid and, with the
ease born Of great practice. he dosed the
tooth with one hand while he gazed in
another direction, all the time telling the
crowd what hard one this was to yank
and making graceful gestures that drew
brilliant SparlIles from two diamond rings
on his right hand.
His Smile Was Felgned.
Then he grabbed his forceps. The young
man smiled in a more sickly manner than
ever and opened his mouth.
In went the forceps, there was a twist
ing and turning of the hand that held
the instrument and then the tooth went
sailing into the crowd. A man lodged 1t
and it fell to the pavement. The young
sters gathered to see what 1t looked like
The young man looked none too happy.
He left the wagon without saying thank
you and fled. 1t was hard to tell whether
the operation had been painless OF wheth-
er the young man was too much hurt to
YELL
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1904-04-10

But the dentists talk soon assured ths
spectators that the young man hadn't
suffered bit. He was a good taller.
Then there was pause. Volunteers
were scarce until one of the little raga-
mullins darted out from among his COM
panions and jumped into the chair
This one he yelled. stuffing his first
half way into his mouth. 'HuIly gee, I
amt afraid"
Murray fer Jimmy" yelled his pals.
Hes de real goods
Jimmy was He nearly stood on his
head as the demonstration tilted the chair
back. He gTinned appreciatively as the
lecturer told what a difficult tooth to pull
was in Jimmys head and he waved a
touching good-by to his friends as the
nippers went into his mouth
In jiffy his tooth went flying into the
crowd and Jimmy's pals made a dash
for 1t.
Jimmy Follows His MoIar.
Jimmy wasn't much behind them He
left the chair and reached the pavement
in one jump to claim his own. The hold
er of the tooth reluctantly admitted Jim
my's prior claim and then asked:
Did it hurt?''
Nav" said Jimmy, trying to be bravs.
"'Honest?"
Nav" persisted the youngster mot n
bit Dare yer to git one yanked."
Inc yOOngSLer WOuIun [ take q dare,
and there were cheers for Bill as he took
his seat. Bill was even more brave than
Jimmy.
Then he let out a yell. His tooth went
flying as the others had, but Bill kept
on yelling as he darted down into the
crowd. --.--
He didn't hesitate a moment He aim
ed straight left handler at Jimmy's
jaw and it hit. Jimmy struck back. and
there was a lively fight that lasted for
nearly half a minute. Then bystanders
broke ii up.
What's the matter?" asked the gang.
addressing Bid.
The youngster was almost crying ana
was holding his aching jaw.
I'll punch the face off 'er Jimmy when
l get 'er chanst!' he moaned. He said
1t didn't hurt. Wow!'
Then some one went over to get
Jimmys side of it.
Didn't it hurt?" he was asked
Like 'en,'' he answered. but
wouldn't let on. know Bill was 'er quit
ter an 1 fought I'd show i'm up, dat's
ALL"
Jimmy and Bill worked away In op-
pOsite directions holding their jaws. Tha
doctor decided that he was sufficiently
advertised in that locality and drove away.
The crowd-was sorry for Jimmy and BIN
and the pale, long-haired Young man
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1904-04-10

HE fellows who raced at the old
outlaw ring around-rosies in
Maryland, Virginia and West Virginia
had laugh coming the other day over
the virtues of the New Orleans track
officials in ruling off Tommy Griffin for
walking scrag dummy FLY around
the paddock in place of his good one,
Sweet Pepper, before the race in which
the latter was to make her debut"
said veteran Of the game who has
been around racing barns since the
days of fOur-mile heats. 'Tt seemed
to them as if Tommy ought to have
been allowed to get by with a little one
like that
The rod that he had in pickle was
for the smooth and well-nourished
hides of the bookmakers and the old
outlaws can't understand why any kind
Of rig-up that has for it's purpose
the flagellation of the layers shouldn't
receive the unanimous Endorsement of
the press, public and racing authori-
ties. In the outlaw days the man on
the high stool was regarded by owners
as a snake that had to be scotched
and any old kind Of gag that had this
commemorate achievement in view was
held to be praiseworthy.
1t was, of course, a case of dog eat
dog, for the boOkmakers operating on
the desperate merry gO-rOunds had a
secret service system agoing that
would have made the st. Petersburg
house to house police look like a
bunch of hanky- pank Iowa constables
in show down. The scouts and spies
of the ring men dug up and enabled
their employers to copper about one
Of every two frame-ups that the hard
thinking owners and trainers fncubat-
ed in the tOp-foOr rooms of bum hotels.
But the scheme dopers never grew
discouraged, and as quick as ones
cunnln' little yOu-bookies- lose Job was
prodded and spoiled by the layers in
side men another fresh one would he
woven, so that the Hawkshaws Of the
price makers had to stand three
watches a day, each of eight hours.
Mere ringing became such coarse
work on the outlaw tracks that the
sure enough smart owners came to
regard it as just childishness, fit work
only for Wisenheimers who valued
smart aleck regulations among the
dead games more than they did the
coin. The real shot putters at the
outlaws knew at least ia better
schemes for spiking the cush than
running ringers, and such chaste
little thing as Tommy Griffin's stunt
or parading a stiff in the paddock in
stead Of the honest and truly one
would have been laughed at by the in
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1904-04-10
:" :" = = = ;" = = = w 2
PULLS BOYS TEETH
AND STARTS FIGHT
Dr. Yankems Street Exposition Painless Dentistry
AdVertSeS Him.
AXE your tooth out. free and in a
jiffy. right here in the open air, ac-

. 80 -o-o-os
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1904-04-10
HOW THEY BEAT THE
BOOKIES AT THE TRACKS

2 . . 2 . o-3->o $3.50 49,
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1904-03-16
A Dry lunch.

A company of sports were taking
supper together the other evening in
Mexico City as the guest Of a some
what notorious GAMBLER, who is man
past middle life and is always prom.
inent figure on the streets because Of
the great length Of his wsistband.
The repast was served in well-known
restaurant and the host, who is flu.
ent talker, entertained his guests with
some marvellous stories of feats he
had witnessed, including one about
man who had eaten ten dozen of eggs,
another who had devoured twenty
five-pound Gsh, another who had dis
posed of 10 dozen broiled quail and
many more Of like tenor.
DThe guests listened in wonder, but
without protest, then he gave them q
poser by repeating that he had seen
man eat eight pounds of cheese and
four pounds of crackers without TAX
ing mouthfui OF liquid OF any kind.
The assertion caused one of the
guests to wake up, and he said to the
host: II will bet you $40 that you
cannot eat forty crackers without TAX
ing something to drink while doing
So"
The bet was declined, but the guest
made another attempt and said: "I
will bet you 500 that you cannot eat
twenty crackers without taking drink
Of some kind"
The host is q man who does not
care to be bluffed, and responded by
putting up the money. It was done.
The crackers produced and carefully
counted, the guests all laid down their
knives and forks and the host began
to try to win the money most vigor-
ously. He ate rapidly, but when six
crackers had been disposed of his
jaws showed evident signs of weari-
ness. He struggled gamely with the
seventh and got it down.
When he took up the eighth he
nibbled at it for a while, put it on
the table bu: half eaten, and in broad,
rich Irish tones said: "I'll ate no
more" And the bet was paid
Mexican Herald.
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1904-03-16
Cheaper to Kill the Wounded.

Dcwningtown, Pa, March 1.-There
is living in Downingtown former
soldier in the Russian army. who can
testify to the fact that there is a se-
cret rule in the Cars army to kill
all the wounded. His name is j. NJ.
Schulman; he conducts fourishing
clothing store, and previous to coming
to this country served two months in
the Russian army as consoript. He
says:
There is q secret rule in the Rus.
sian army to kill all the wounded. It
is communicated officially to all the
officers and is taoitly understood
among the soldiers. The Russians
argue that the maintenance of hospi-
tails is too expensive-more so than
to kill off the wounded.
I am in position to say with the
utmost positiveness that such a rule
exists in the Russian army, and that
it applies at least to the privates,
and probably to the officers. s.-Phila-
delphia Record.
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1904-03-16

80 acres, two miles from city, un-
improved.
House and Lot, 6 acres, near city
limits, very desirable.
Half acre City Lot, front on Main
Street, no improvements.
acre, with new dwelling, in city
limits.
III acres, near city limits, cleared,
no improvements.
200 acres in Fork township, on Tug
aloo River, two dwellings.
100 acres in Williamson township,
improved, CT Reavcrdam creek.
400 acres in Oaklawn township, in
Greenville Co., half in cultivation,
5 tenant dwellings, sc acres of this
is in bottom land.
700 acres in Hopeweli township, on
Six and Twenty Creek, 300 acres in
cultivation, 2 good residences, 6 ten
ant dwellings,, 40 acres in bottom land.
81 acres in Garvin township, on
Three-and-Twenty Greek, good dwell
ing, barn, 60.
56 acres in Macon Co., N. c., 20
miles above Walhalla, on road to
Highlands.
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1904-03-16

= Girls usually want to marry men
who can support them in style to
which they have been unacoustomed.
In successful matrimonial
firm the husband isn't "full" part
ner.
= The fairy .sie always ends with
the marriage Of the princess an
other kind Of fairy tale begins.
One thousand italian farmers
are to settle in Alabama, 1000 acres
Of land having been secured FOR them.
- Tie girls face is in it with a re-
touched photograph.
= A woman's idea Of mutual pleas
ure is to spend the money her hus-
band earns by the sweat of his brow.