The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1904-07-08
THE NONPAREJL MAN

AeA& NVNA 0AH@S4 &ASAAs
Has Your Family Coat OF Arms an Ass
Rampant on II, or DO YOU Know What
lisa Canton or, Charged; with a Mullet
Of Six Points Plsfped abIe7,'-The
Y AmerlcanIzed Burke's Pssrase Goes Into
a Second EdItion---ls There Any Royal
Gore in Your Famlly7
z The Boston Herald calls attention to the
second edition Of an "Arnericanized
Burke's Peerage.' 1t is we'll to look into
this, because 1000 American families are
entitled to proclaim themselves arini-
gers" gentlemen born" ETC., etc. We
regret to- say that too few Of us know
q canton or. charged with a mullet Of
six points pierced sable when we see it, |
or are able to distinguish between an ass
rampant guardant and an ass rampant
reguardant. Yet it is said that there are
a whale Of q lot of descendants of kings
among us. J. P. Morgan is descended In
a straight line from Gwynned Cymric, and
so, 1t is understood was Captain Henry
Morgan, the celebrated buccaneer. Chaun-
cey M Depew is charged full of all kinds
of royal blood from King Robert Bruce,
the de Puys and others. In fact, you ask
your neighbors, almost any of them. and
with royal gore to the outer skin and
cannot have the nosebleed without she'd
ding the precious blood of kings and he
rOes.
Personally, we do not care for royal
blood, tho our family gore. is said by
grandma to be remarkably pure and rich
and traceable back to four kings and an
ace on which our great -great-grandfather
opened the game of the eighteenth CEN
fury.
The coat of arms mentioned by Abra-
ham Lincoln as truly American, viz, u
pair OF shirt sleeves, Is good enough for
US, provided it has not in it an ass ram
pant, either guardantr or reguardant.
A Missouri girl has just gotten an April
fool that draws tears. She lived in Sar-
coke and wrote her name on strawberry
box. A Duluth, Mimi, man saw it. He
wrote her telling her the berries were the
didn't he rush down, marry her. die and
leave her $40, 10000 We would.
With nearly all the European crops not
up to the average and very bad condi-
ton in Hungary and terrible floods in the
American southwest, the wise farmer in
the northwest this year will come pretty
near seeing large round plunk before he
lets go of. a bushel eff, his cereal. We are
going to hold all the wheat we harvest
from our upper eighty, provided the gosh
dinged hot winds don't get it in the milk
| Less than twenty five years ago William
B. Biddlef was "braaing'' on a freight
train. This is not drawing-room lob
| where you wear white Kid gloves and use
a gold-tipped cigarette. Mr. Biddle
broke We'll and kept up the deuce of a
thinking. Today he is second vice presi-
dent Of the big Santa Fe road in place OF
! acic n 49, s.,+o
net. Hence you should never try to lick
a brakeman. He may be vice president
some day. Besides that, he is usually
| quite stout. +" *t@sa*s
J. Hamilton Lewis Of the pink whiskers
Is very busy at st. Louis. He wears
gloves, the under part of which are white
and the upper steel gray. He has {
wn-colored hat, sleng-tailed coat Z O
champagne color trousers of mauve hu,
and a huge puff tie Of robin's-egg blue
d That tout ensemble, issa picture of seduc
tive loveliness. #$8&FH ~
Elmer Swartbout. the woodsawyer poe
OF Evanston, W,rhad an idea that he wa
not manifesting 1.-The poetic principle il
. way that people could grasp it as the
4 should, SO he had his head shaved an,
alarmed his neighbors by engaging i
$ tattoo artist in Chicago to inscribeS on hi
) bald pate. favorite YquotationsS from hi
own works. He intended to, use the res
{ OF his body afor 1.-The came purpose, an
across his breast was written in indelibl
5 pigment, Love Lyrics by Elmer Swar
thout."t Further Characterization was pre-
vented by his neighbors complaining t
. the police. This caused his arrest, an
: ne is now lowering between the police sta
ton and the asylum, with the chance
e favoring the LATTER @Nss
n foy rcF s.,4a
with the poet when, with Chicago evar
:. gelist, he began a series Of revival meet
ing, to which large audiences We're al
e tracted by Punch and Judy show H
= emotion shortly after this took the forl
of poetry: While not wishing to preclude
the literary world against his poetry "
8 are compelled to register the opinion thu
7. Elmer's spokes are loose and rattlir
badly. ,..s 49,.
a On July Kansas city suppressed ii
horsepistol hoodlun. n There Were few
;, deaths than usual in Kansas City tn
II year, and the town hgot a nice bune
lel of fines. out of very bad crowd of zap
,tl Rochester, N. Y, also celebrated II
: Fourth by arresting several hundred Pri
g Idiots. The Prize Idiot is the kind tn
+ shoots off revolvers On the streets
it uses dynamite to express his PATRIOTS
or throws cannon crackers under frigh
ened horses. who forthwith try to clin
II up the side Of the" Methodist churc
= Full warning was given in Rochester. al
} when the Prize Idiot erupted he stood
in show. The police just9loved the work
T. pulling him. He will get a nice fat fl
slapped against him In the police cou
and we are glad of 1t.
l. Rochester's great work for reform, sa
I'd ity and the suppression of unrestrain
- jackasserie ought. to spread. Why n
make a beginning here next year?
A. j. r
:. STAND BY PRINCIPLE
g.