New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1904-08-28
His HILARIOUS ObseC uies
By Tom p. Morgan

l procession | met near the turning mill. said the
patent-churn man. who lately had driven into town
THE driver of the hearse had his hat cooked over
his eye and wore big cigar stuck in the corner of
broad grin. The occupants of the vehicles that fol-
lowed seemed pleased with the way things were pros
crossing. Many Of the men were smoking ana in the
wagon | demjohn Who's. funeral
it, And why,
oh that was Billy Smathers' absequies, broke
in the landlord of the Pruntytowr Tavern He was
a great Joker, Billy was-always g.ttu off good n
somebody. Some times ii was as.lr' YOU what &
that black outside and yellow within and
barked like dog. and when you couldn gues, it,
telin' you it a kettle of hastypudda' When
you said hasty-puddin' didn't bark Ike dog he'd
say he just put that in make it harder To- guess
And then he'd laugh and laugh and laugh
/ remember yet just well if it was Yesterday.
of his earliest Jokes. One of EN- Which
you rather do kiss Harriet Beeeher Stowe or the
Pope's toe, That a long time ago, YOU see
He was Just as gaudy with practical Jokes too One
time he-haw haw!-hed up the hired girls solid
teller for hours cold night by pOki0' crow
bar out of the second-story window and hoarsely
threatenin to shoot him dead.
Biy'S pet Joke that he worked with a pair
OF stills about nine feet long. He practs-d till he
could get around trst-rate EN-, made par Of long
pants for the stills and false whiskers for him
self and YOU better believe it olted belarcd vlvarers
up to meet thin man fourteen feet or tall uroon'
around in the middle of the night But time he
cured a feler that the point of death with the
qunsv by g1arin' in him at the second--arv VIM
like white sepucher. The sick man gave & -creech.
hoped most up the ceilin busted his luasv. and
got well.
Billy used TO have the biggest fun, though -rrugn'
his silt Joke them charcoa'burners from up uan-
tun way You know how they are, work liz. cisses
burnu the charcoal and then take II 10 t.ea. and
come home the middle of the night as drunk as
Iniuns. 1t used tickle Billy walk up. fourteen
feet tall and holcr down the cart and en- go
into fits But night there was a new fe.-- among
charcoaIers-httle but chock full of wildca- Billy
came up behind the little mans cart. hoered down
him Prepare die and at the same time Billy
prepared 10 laugh
WHO are YOU: says the charcoaler
IL am the DEVIL roars Billy
lust about then the little man swar1cd right up the
back Of the cart sailed out and lit on Billy A man
ON stills ain got show and they hs wards
with a force that nearly busted Bily's crust +,
ten days before he was out again and the tr. hing
ne did was 10 chop up them stills. He saij Il. ~
thing he remembered the little wolf OF ch~- al
burner sayin'. II YOU the devil, I'm in devil
OF a FIX an ii YOU amt the devil your in a dew. Of
tix' And then he beatin Billy like TONES.
Well. Billv's gone nov-or AZ least II Sorte-
that ne Is. He had kind OF Siukin spell alo- va
years ago. and generally estimated to b. adj,
but he came himself IN the midst OF the tt al.
and RI up and nearly laughed himself % ie.-s At
the way the folks tried break their neck@ IN
out of there. But this time they ready ,-r IN
either way. Ii he don't come 70 before they IF
buried they I'll have the laugh him, and II he Is,
they loaded up show HIM that they kre" al
the time.
Looks considerable like rain off to the south ST.
don't it,"