davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-02-26
SURF
The Robust Physique Can Stand 7EorO
Coffee Than a weak One.


CSffso Than 4 weak One.
A young virss7ia1 ssys: Having
q naturally robust Constitution Ear
above the average and net having q
nervous temperament. NJ sysssn vas
able 70 resist the izTOads uDcR Il
b. the use OF coTes for some years but
finally the strain began TO tell
For ten years have been employ-
ed as telegraph operator and type
writer By q railroad fl this section
and until two years ago had uzed cof-
fee continually from the tine 1 was
eight years old. nearly 20 years
The work Of operating the tele-
graph key IS a great strain upon the
nerves and after the days work vas
over I would feel nervous, irritable.
run down and toward the last suffer
ed greatly from insomnia and neu-
ralgia- As never INDUCED in intOxi-
eating liquors. drugs OF tobacco in
any form ] cane 70 the conclusion
that coffee and tea were causing the
gradual breakdown Of my nervous
system and having read an article in
the Medical Magazine On the compost
the system. was fully convinced that
coffee vas the cause Of my trouble
Seeing Postum spoken Of zs not
having any Of the deteriorating e.
fects OF coffee L decided 10 give up the
stimuIaut and give Postam q trial Tbs
result was agrseably surprising After
= tine my nerves became wonderfully
strong, I can DO al ny work az the
telegraph key and typewriter with far
greater ease than ever before ny
weight has increased IS pounds. my
general health keeping pace VII Il,
and an q rev man and better one
Name given BY Postum Co. Battle
Greek. Mich
There's 3 reason.
Look IN each pkg for the famous
iittie book. Tbs Road 70 WsuTiIle- =
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-02-26
Turned fhe Tables.

A Washington friend Of Joseph JeT-
erson tells Of the neat way in which
the venerable comedian once reproved
some thoughtless matinee girls
It appears that after a performance
in Chicago one Saturday afternoon
the manager was prevailed upon 10
take back Of the scenes several Of Chi
Cages most attractive girls. who had
witnessed Rip" from a box
oh, Nh JefersOni' exclaimed the
prettiest Of the girls. we enjoyed
your performance 50 much; but. do
you know, We could hardly hear a
word you said"
The comedian smiled good humQred-
" Wei, I should say that was
strange, replied he. for I distinctly
heard every word y0u young ladies
utteredt7
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-02-26

Sophie. Sophie. my beautiful. M
OWL I an herBl7
I awakened to reality. the7- knew
that II was Arthur. and that he was
alive and VEN vas resting close to
his brave heart, and there would be
10 more parting nov, On earth
He took me 70 his fathers presence
and vas happy 70 see that father fold
his arms about his son, and plead Tor
forgiveness for MS cruelty and in5us-
tice. showing how bitterly he had re
Pented, and how freely and fondly he
was taken into Arthur's manly arms
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-02-26

Jchn Dledrjch spreeEss the son o.
Claus SErsclcess Is the proprietor Of g
San Ffancisco -QeWspaper- To an sdi-
tor. one day. Er- SPEECHES was talk
ing about persistence. and IN the
courEe OF his remarks. he said
Ny father Is great believer IN per
Histence-in patience Once. when vas
q boy. / abandoned in despair some
childish task that I had undertaken
and my father reproTed me for #
Persistence viii do anything. he
said There's nothing you can't ac-
complish with patience And then he
smiled slightly, and added.
You could even carry water in a
sieve II you would have the patience
70 wait long enough
How long would you have to waltz
I said
TIN it frOze.' ny father an
svsred.'
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-02-26

had no pity-hOpe left my heart, and
I sunk to the floor, fainting.
4 do not know how long remained
unconscious; but when I regained my
senses was alone. 1 tried TO realize
what had happened. / tried to stand
and finally managed to reach the door.
II was locked.
Too weary TO stand and knock
and knowing that it would be useless
laid down upon the floor and slept
from very WEAKNESS and pain When
1 awOke it was night, and the house
Eas very still. I managed to climb
out of the window, and escaped. with
out being noticed, and went direct to
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-02-26

What would you do il yOu had one
o. desc re cbokermobIIes. dat stops
When you want EN- 70 90 an is H'bie
TO bust things2"
We'll" answered Mr. Erastus Pink
ley FUN yOh description ] reckOns /
could git les as much satisfaction BY
Tadin' I'm on fob a mule '-AutomO-
bile NaEazlne-
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-02-26

Edwin James was one OF the most
brilliant English lawyers Of his day
cut he was always in financial Difficult
ties. At one time he lived IN some
West End chambers the landlord Of
which could never obtain rent. At last
ae had TO resort to an sxpedient which
he hoped would rouse his tenant 10 a
sense Of his obligations He asked him
II he would be kind enough TO advise
him on a little legal matter in which
ne was concerned. and on James ac-
luiescing. drew up a statement specify
ing his own grievance against the
learned counsel and asked him TO state
what he considered the best course fo-
4 landlord TO take under such cOndi-
tons.
The paper was returned TO the land
lord the next morning with the follow
ing sentence subjOined:
In my opinion. this is a case which
admits OF only one remedy-patience. %
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-02-26

A correspondent Tor an eastern pa
per has Just discovered that Uncle
Sans motto, e Pluribus Unum," has
thirteen letters in it There is no de
nying that it has been generally found
unluely for anybody to NEEDLE with
that motto.
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-02-26
Hobson's Choice.

Hi Tragerdy-Well. wells / never
thought you'd cOndescend TO take so
small a part as the one you're cast for
now
Low C8merdy-Well. / have 20 live.
Hi Tragerdy-O was IL that bad2
Low COmedy-Yes. I decided that .
small role was better than no bread
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-02-26
Tossed and Roasted.

Il told him he'd have 10 choose be
tween me and that big racing car OF
his But he was infatuated with the
machine"
You threw him over. Of course2"
The big car saved me the trouble
Automobile Magazine.
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-02-26

At a teachers convention the ques-
tiOn, How to Interest the Young in
the Sunday School" was discussed.
Perhaps having a Christmas tree eE-
cry week would help some.
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-02-26

Prof Vincent. who says that .'melo
dramas strengthen morals" may be
right, but If a wrathful desire to throw
things at the stage is immoral he
should qualify his remarks as 70 some
OF them.
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-02-26

A Kansas paper tells Of a collision
between a freight train and heav-
lily loaded passenger" When a pas
senger gets heavily loaded he should
not walk on the railroad tracks.
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-02-26

And yet it is sad to see the Pill
grims on two sides of the ocean
pledging each others healths in cock
tails, particularly in view Of the fact
that they don't know how 10 mix them
in London.
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-02-26

fessed, as YOU command me 70,
should be a liar. like him and his IA
Their.
Then you young scroundrel. he
said. his anger at white heat. I shah
whip yOu until you confess the truth
You shah 50 70 Grant and confess 1t
to him. also, and pay back every farth-
ing
He dragged ne from the floor. and
picking up the strap that nad fallen
near BY. beat me so fercely that I Al
most ceased 10 feel the pain. crying
out, savagely, tcOnfess-eonfess. or
VIII XIII you.
i vas exhausted from pain and
stunned By 81 that had happened One
glance At his face showed ne that he
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-02-26

No better evidence Of the gentle and
forgiving disposition of Pope Plus X.
need be brought forward than the fact
that he blessed a friends fountain pen
the other day.
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-02-26
She Used Them.

Herter-Rosalie. have you seen any
thing OF the FIVE stock certificates ]
brought home last nisht2
Mrs. Herter-YOu said you were
through with that stock forever. so
made curl papers ont Of two Of then
and used the rest 10 line a drawer
New York American
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-02-26
one Of the Prudent.

How did you come ont IN that
stOck-waterfng uansacticnz
AN right. answered the prosper
our citizen 4 was one OF the people
who were prudent enough 70 get life
preservers before the water vas turn
ed on
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-02-26

That Is a curious looking cane.
major said the visitor A mementO
Of the war Of the rebellion. I suppose2~
Yes" replied the old veteran 1T
vas made from the hollow log I Oc-
cupied at the famous battle Of Bill
Run
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-02-26

Gen. Jiminez is reported 10 have
won an important victory in SantO
Domingo. He has lured away the only
private in the army, leaving the gov
eminent with none but officers on its
hands.
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-02-26
Natural Deduction.

Hojax-I wouldn't be surprised TO
hear that Windig had blown his brains
out any day
Tomdix-Has he threatened to sui
cide2
Hoja1-No. but he purchased a cor.
net last week
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-02-26

If the scientist who disseminated
the theory that money was full OF
microbes had any idea that 1t would
lead people TO come around and IN
load their paper dollars upon him he
knows better by this time.
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-02-26

Three sisters were operated on in
Georgia the other day for appendicitis.
The society reporters fail 10 say what
the favOTs we're or what kind of re-
freshments were served.
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-02-26

Count ZepheIin of Germany, desir-
ing to build an airship, has taken up
= collection aggregating $1I2,5OO At
least as a fnancieT he is IN the class
of our own Prof. Langley.
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-02-26
X Was. Indeed.

You look happy"
Yes. I heard some good news to-
day. Ny uncle is going TO give me
the money I need TO start me il bust
ness"
"AhI Then that's really what you
may call capital news
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-02-26

Ever notice that the women who are
robbed are widowsz Few old maids.
Know why2 Because a woman during
her married life learns about no more
important business than buying pOta-
toes and meat Nine in ten Of them
never have a bank account until their
husbands die. and they are left with
lot OF insurance. OF course they don't
know how to manage il; their hus-
bands never thought them competent
TO manage a SO bill.
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-02-26

A New Jersey family has been pois-
Oned by sUccOtash. Now if it can
only be shown that prunes are danger
Gus there may still be hope for the
man who boards
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-02-26

The University of Berlin has given
Al American girl the degree of Phi D.
Could even a crowd of German prOfes-
sOrs refuse an American girl any
thing2
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-02-26

It used TO be said that the man who
had got together his first $1,000 was
bound to be rich Nowadays a man
isn't sure OF being rich even after he
has got together his first $1,000 900.
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-02-26

Spain thinks Of building another
navy. When she gets ready to spend
the money let US hope she viii have
the good judgment to patrOnize our
shipyards.
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-02-26

A unique example Of lengthy land
tenure by the same family is record
ed IN the French press The property
IN question IS that Of St Bertha,
which for sS6 years has been leased
By members q the Bouczdel family.
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-02-26

Some day when we see a girl on the
streets neryeUsly feeling IL her skirt is
AL right in the back. we intend 10 step
up and assure her that everything IS in
perfect order.
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-02-26

The principals Of the Brooklyn
public schools want the right to pun
ish bad boys restored to them, and
suggests that the necessary spanking
be done with a short piece OF rubber
hose. An, the good old days IN the
sehooIhouse on the hilli
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-02-26

A real old fashioned woman lives N
AfchisOn. She recently was asked for
her recipe for nut cake. and refused
Il: the recipe had been in her family"
for years. and they had made 1t a rule
never to part with il.
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-02-26

There is nothing to Indicate that the
old bachelors are taking to the woods.
1t may be so long since the last leap
year that they have forgotten the dan.
ger.
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-02-26

As long as Mr.. Morgan believes
that he has got the original manu-
script of ByrOn's "G3Tsair," he is hap
py, whether it really is or not
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-02-26

Montague. Mass
Foster MiIburn Co. Buffalo. n. Y
Gentlemen-I heartily wish those
Who are suffering from backache and
disturbed action of the kidneys would
Try Deans Kidney Pills. As was the
case viii me. they wiz be more than
surprised with the results / had been
troubled for years with my spine I
could not lie on either side Spinal
cramps would follow. and words could
not explain the agony which I would
endure While IN these cramps I
could not speak or move. but by max
ing a great effort after the cramp had
left me I could begin TO speak and
move a little. but my whole back was
so sore and lame that could not.
even have the back bsthed for some
time Ny nerves we're in q terrible
state. I would rather sit up at night,
than 90 TO bed. dreading the cramps
and the terrible backaches. / consult
ed physicians. but got only a little
relief for the time being. Seeing your
advertisement. my mother urged me
TO try DOan's Kidney Pills After
using one box was better. and have
ever since been on the gain have
no backache and no cramps now and
I feel like a new person. Ky nerves
are better and I know my blood IS
purer Words cannot express my
thanks 70 you for what Deans Kidney
Pills have done for me In my work
as professional nurse I have a chance
to recommend them. and they did me
50 much good that I viii do so on
every possible occasion
HATTIE BRIGHAM. Nurse
D0an's Kidney Pills are sold at 50
cents per box Address Foster
Milburn Co. Buffalo. n. Y. for q free
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-02-26

He wanted 70 bet but ] Just told
him that betting vas a fools argu-
ment-' and that settled the discus
son
-Oh. can't heiieFe that you shut
him up thar sasky-
@Iu bet yea I did
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-02-26

TenderfOot-I see a good many peo-
pie hanging on here and patronizing
your hotel who tell me they've been
here i've years, though they didn't ex-
pect 20 live a week when they came
Colorado Hotelkeeper-Tes. a good
many who came to cough remained to
pay.
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-02-26

Because TIE coffee was poor At
breakfast one morning Jim Dumps got
mad. and within a half hour there
wasn't enough sunshine in the Whols
Dumps family o. ten 70 sprOut grain
Of corn.
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-02-26
I'D I'D s


Ms Gzbbel-What do yOu think.
Ge0rgez When the doctor called the
other day he asked me % PIT cut ny
tongue. and when / did 50 hs quite
hurt me He
MI Gabbel CinterpOsinE-Did he
tread On it2-Stray Stories
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-02-26

Sat River, Ariz-, is about to be
damned Anti-profauity paragraphers
please keep on.
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-02-26

Girls at a cooking school in Berlin
ate some Of their own salads. The
late Of the funerals viii be announced
later.
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-02-26

Yeast-When we get real cold
weather they say We are getting 4
taste Of winter What is the taste Of
Winter2
Crimsonbeak-Why. it's when il is
bitter.
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-02-26

When a woman earns money. its
hers; but when a man earns anything.
he is compelled TO divide with his wife
his kin. his wife's kin. his pastor. the
Committee Of Forty and the bartender.
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-02-26

Whitaker Wright would have saved
a lot Of trouble if he had committed
suicide a dozen years ego
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-02-26

When London says Hello, there!"
to Plymouth Rock, we realize how
much the hand OF Father Time has
made smooth.
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-02-26

STanger-Gracious. What rude
conductors
Native-This is the elevated road.
you know
Stranger-Weil. It wouldn't hurt the
conductors 10 be a little more ele-
waited
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-02-26

Panama has sOlemnly pledged her
salf that when she gets that SO. O00.
coo Of canal money she viii put all but
two millions Of it right in the bank
AID never touch a cent OF any Of it
except the interest Almost, every
expectant beneficiary starts OF by
paving a few square feet Fith inten.
tfonF ike this.
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-02-26

Woman's ear is so perTersely
mathematical that foTty-nine cents
sounds only half as big as half dol
lar
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-02-26

With some misgiyings the people
have tolerated, if not accepted, mar
conigTam," but there is a limit. Pig
gOttgram" viii not do.
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-02-26

Daniel J. SulIy's profits IN cotton
are reckOned from six to fifteen mill
lions, and he escaped all the worry OF
the boil WeeviI.
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-02-26

A woman is pretty sure she could
economic more in the coal bill If she
could have 81 900 worth Of furs-
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-02-26

Somebody asks the New York Tri-
bane. What IS a bilIion2" and the
Tribune does not take advantage Of
the opportunity to answer: Some
thing that most Of Us via never get
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-02-26

This large output OF boy bandits
viii yet raise up apologists for King
HGod.
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-02-26

When a mother has a son who cries
when lie can't 80 90 Sunday Eehool
she Ought 20 know enough 20 keep the
pantry where shs stores the preserves
securely locked
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-02-26

When the two engaged in friendship
are kept hard at work. Il may last ten
years. but II they are idle the friend
ship win not survive the tenth week
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-02-26

When We hear that baby keeps its
mouth open like q little bird. ne strip
OF the pOetioal sentiment and wonder
II II IS going to have good sense.
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-02-26

What has become Of the old fash
toned candy hearts that had burning
sentiments Of love on them2
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-02-26

Opportunity occasionally meets q
man halfway. but she seldom comes
after him in an automobile.
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-02-26

As q woman grows older. her eye
broEs begin 10 come out and a mans
come IN thicker and bushier
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-02-26

A good beefsteak is one that isn't
noted for its durability
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-02-26

polfcemar. Is new preaching N Texsss
anybody en- preach n Texas
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-02-26

During leap year a great many girls
are afflicted with palpitation Of the
heart
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-02-26

It's an insult 20 the four-Iegged ami
nal to call some men donkeys.
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-02-26

Prayed Freddy-Im a professional
humOrist by trade. mum
Lady-Then why don't you work
at it2
r FL co, num- Everywhere 1
so / promises 20 work for me dinner.
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-02-26


Than whom there IS no better Potato
Expert IN the Country. says '-Salzsr's
Earliest Potato s. the earliest OF 8 ear
Hest sorts. tried BY me. yielding 46f bu-
per acre" Salzer's Early Wisconsin
yielded FOR the Rural New Yorker rs
bu- per acre Now Salzer has heavier
yielding varieties than above See
EsIZer's catalog-
JUST SIND 1Oc X STAMPS
and this notice % the John A SAFER
Seed Co. La Crosse. Wis. and receive
lots OF farm seed samples and their big
eatalog. which Is brtm fun Of rare
things for the gardener and farmer.
easily worth $1,000 70 every wide
awake farmer.
II describes Salzer's Teosfnts. yield
ing 10 900 lbs per acre. Of rich green
fodder. Szlzer's Victoria Rape. yielding
60 900 lbs Of sheep and hog food per
acre. together with SalZer's New Ma
tfonai Oats. which has a record Of 800
bu. per acre in 80 states. so also fun
description OF Alfalfa Glover. Giant IN
carnat Clover. Alsike. Timothy and
thousands OF other fodder Eiants.
Grasses. Wheat Speltz, Barleyss etc
CIV n. ID
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-02-26
An Uu - DC HovsekeeDers

ne Defiance Cold Water Starch. because e
s. better, and 4 O. EOrs q il for sane
money
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-02-26
HATTIE BRIGHAM. Nurse.

Doan's Kidney Pills are sold at 50
cents per box Address Foster
Mnburn Co. Buffalo. \. Y. for q free
trial box
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-02-26
When You Buy Starch

buy Defiance and get the best. 10 o. for 70
cents Once used, always used
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1904-02-26

Look IN each pkg for the famous
Ettie book. Tbs Road 70 WeuTile--