Sequachee Valley news. (Sequachee [Sequatchie], Tenn.) 1896-1952, 1904-01-21
BILL DOOLEYS LETTER.
G4iELL, kind readers, the New
Nv Year is here, and ] as usual

have formed some good re-
olutions. II a man would keep his
resolutions when he makes them it
would be different, but when he
makes a promise and don't keep it
be had better not have made it. l
have made a promise to myself
that l would write a weekly letter
to the News all this year, and il
nothing bends or breaks | will try
to fulfill that promise.
AS | may want to advertise my
new discovery through the columns
Of the News ! must keep on the
good side of the News, and also its
readers. The discovery which |
speak of is the Great Rheumatic
Cure which spoke of some time
ago that started the old SOW off in
such make haste. have been
trying it in different ways and find
it to fill need that has long been
felt in this community, but never
so much as at the present time.
II you have a neighbor that you
want out of the way instead Of hav~
ing to go to mis- house and leave a
bnndle Of switches at his gate and
a note telling him if he IS not out
of the neighborhood in five days
be will be severely whipped you
can take one or two of your friends
to hold him and you can oil him
up by rubbing his joints with the
liniment, and when you turn him
loose you wont have to tell him to
move out for be is done gone.
This remedy will be very useful
to men and women as an excuse for
separation as by rubbing this rem,
edy on the bottom OF the feet of the
offender while he or she are asleep,
for when they wake up they are
gone and away An action for de-
sertion can then be brought in the
divorce court, and there will be no
need to break the tenth command
ment, "Thou shalt not bear false
witness" 1t will also keep down
those liCtle scandals concerning the
defendant that it is a little embar
sssing for the family to know. II
you have a Thomas cat that jumps
upon the table, grease him from
his knees down and when he starts
to jump on the table he will jump
clear over it and hit against the
wall on the other side If your
chickens fly into your garden mix
a small quantity into their food
and they will fly clear over the
garden and light on the other side
HOrseswappers should always
keep bottle of this liniment il
their possession and just before
showing thsir horses should rut
their joints with the liniment. l
will make them show off to bette
advantage. 1t is no trouble tt
swap spirited horse. The lini
ment should be used very cautious
ly as a little too much will caus
them to fly off ike the old sow.
Now speaking Of the sow l re-
ceived a letter a few days ag,
which informed me that stral
hog had dropped in Greenland anC
they had managed to catch he
when she was asleep, and by tn
tag in her ear they had found sh
belonged to a man named Doole,
at Sequachee, Tenn, U. s. A, an,
as she had been very destructiv
by tearing down the snow house
Of the Esquimaux they had ex
pressed her to her owner, and tha
the said Dooley would kindly ca
at the express Office and pay tn
charges which would be S35 90, an
that | must keep her in custod
hereafter. Great ScOots! just ho
lam to get rid Of the old sister
something / don't know. | thin
/ will oil her all over with my lin
ment and turn her loose where Il
timoer IS thick so that she will XII
herself, and thus if haunted by a
evil spirit wont haunt fellow,
Last week / had something
say about illiterate voting. / ha,
been asked by two men since il
thought man should he prohit
ted from voting because he cuu