The semi-weekly messenger. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1897-1908, 1904-08-26
. Mr.. DO0LEY WRITES
ON THE MODEL SALOON.

s~aloonkeeper. Not hat tn two lines IL
altogether apart. Both a bishop an a
saioonkeeper has a flock to take carr Il.
out TO a certain extint, Hinnissy. VT
ar-re each Nv US thryin' to keep ou,
flock out iv tn other hands. II ain.
ivry man that can be a bishop. An IL
amt ivrywan n q can be a ~saIoonksep,
er. A saloonkeeper must be sober. he
must be honest, he must be clean. an
IL hes tn pastor iv a flock iv poor wur-
Xxi men, he must know about ivy
thing that's goin' on in tn wurruli 9,
lver wint on. I on'y discuss tn light
topics iv tn day with ye' Hhnissy, be-
cause ye're a frivolous character, pu.
[yed be surprised to know what an incy-
clopeeJa a man gets to be in this ID o.
hssyon. 1vry man that comes in here
an mas three pans iv n~icissry evil tells
me with tears. tn secrets iv his thrade
an offers to fight me if l don't look IN
thrested. / know i%njyneerin'. pam
mistry. Christyan Science, midic;nc,
horse-shoein'. astronomy, tn care ~
tn hair, an tn laws iv exchange. an
IN knowledge l have iv how to subjoo
the Affections iv tn ladies' wud cause
many a pang. L tell ye. we ARE d fine
body iv min. Bishops comm into III.
saloon business? In behalf iv tn.
Liquor Dealers Lithry Club iv tn sixt,.
wa-ard, L hereby challenge tn college
iv bishops 20 a spell down.
Not that I'm proud " me p~rofissyoa,
or, shud l say. me art? It's wan way
~ maxim a Twin. 1 suppose it was me
vocation. 1 got into it first because 1
didn't like TO dhrive an express wagon
an L stayed in it because they was
nawthin' else that seemed worth while.
/ am not a hard dhrinker. / find IL i
dhrink too much 1 can't meet-an' do
til intellechool poynts that swarm in
here afther a meetin' at tn rowiin'
mills. On Saturdah nights, l am con-
vivyal. On New Years eve. / thry to
make tn OF year just as sorry It's
!avin me as l can. But / have no
more pleasure in shown over to we thar
liquid sunstroke thin l wud if 1 had to
cole out collars, hair dye, books, hard
billed eSgs, money or anything else
that be good FIR ye- Liquor
is no a nicissary evil. Hogan says it's
wan way iv ra-aliZin' tn ideel. Tn
hex day ye're ashamed iv ye'er ideel.
Tn throuble about it is that whin We
take it We want more. But that's tn
throuble with ivrything We take. If We
get power. we want more power. IL We
get money, we want more money. Our
vices r-run on f'river. Our varCnues,
Hinnissy, is what me frind Doc Casey
calls self-limiting-
but 1 must get back firm me iab'r-
DIV 10 blSilOp 1OlIeT s. w III lie ETl1Q
succeed? l hope he will We can't get toa
many dacint men into our profissynl.
They'se wan thing / would call me
neighbours attention to. tn unbenight-
ed American wurrukin' man lkCs his
dhrink, as who does not? But he wants
to take it in peace His TarchueS mas
been wrote about But let him injye
his few simple vices in his own way,
says l. He goes to tn saloon an We go
70 y olr,L ro1--,x- - ~ - r.,-.
Ye dOn't want to go home. He .lJn't
need annywan to push him into a bar.
He'll go there because that's a pace
where wan mans betther thin another
an nobody is ra-aly OF but tn bditin-
der. There ought 10 be wan place
where tn poor wurrukin' man can es-
cape bein,. patted on tn back. He amt
SO bad, ye'er grace, as We think. ur-
rukin' men don't dhrink to excess.
Drunkenness is a vice iv tn idle.
Did We liver see a la-ad sprintin' across
a joist two hundred feet in tn air?
Dye think he cud do that if he Was a
free dhrinker? tn on'y wurrukin' hlen
who dhrink too much ar-re thruckIneH,
an that's because they have so much
time on their hands. While they dr-re
waitin' FIR a load they get wan. Aven
some iv thin ARE sober. Ye can tell
them be their hats
Somehow or another, Hinnissy, x
don't seem JUS right that there shld
be a union iv church an saloon These
two gr-reat institutions ARE best kept
apart. They kin " offset each other
like tn supreem coort and Congress.
Drink is n n~icissry evil, nicissry IL tn
cIargy. If they liver admit its nicissry
to tn consumers they might as we'll
close up tn churches. Yell niver find
Father Kelly openin' a saloon. He
hates me business but he likes me- He
says dhrink is an evil but I'm a nicissi-
ty. If 1 moved out a worse man might
come in me place
"Ye ra-aly do think drink is a nicis,
~ .evil?' said Mr.. Hinnissy.
We'll" said Mr.. Dooley, IF i;s an
evil to a man, it's not nicissry, an il
it's nicissry it's an evil"