Condon globe. (Condon, Gilliam Co., Or.) 189?-1919, 1904-08-25
The nunoharassor,s ouontlon.

Not many nloons ago Bunehgiass.
Or wandered off down the stage Road
which leads 20 the Big River where
runs the railroad upon which ID
carried the Commerce OF the Country
The Commerce Of the Country might bs
carried on the Big River 1t less rate
ppr ton were II not for Rocks In the Riv.
VI and snass In the path Of Certain
Few Politicians who live at Salem and
who, since taking up thelr residence At
that Burg as Patrons Of the Public Crib,
have adopted the Stage Name oi States.
men. These Certain Few are known TO
Fame officially and collectively 80 the
State board Uf Portage Commissioners
bat they needed Stage Name Ia their
Business because they sometimes nnd il
necessary 70 Play 10 the Galleries In or.
der 70 hold their Job. The Rocks In the
Rlvsr are currently Frportei 10 have
been placed there sumo 3,000.0 900 years
ago, more Of lees, ~ q part Of the foun-
dation oi Mount Hood and are generally
considered pretty 5oiid Propositions
while the biggest Snag In the path Of
the Certain few is said 10 have besn
placed there at the Last essslon Of the
Legislature aud 10 known - Canal Right
OF Way. The Certain Few ut once de-
clared this Big snay 10 be the Proper
STUFF and 90 It has proved II their sole
obisct was 10 side track the Portage
Road--whIch they had been instI ueted
TO construct Immediately with funds al
ready provided by tile State--and thus
keep tlie Commerce Of the Country NOV
Ing on the Rail Road ut the good old
fashioned STIFF Rate.
The Bunchgrasser was Simple Mind.
cd hut he wanted to get Wise 20 he con.
tInued bis wanderings 10 tho Big City
near the Mouth Of the Willamette whore
dwell many Daily Newspaper Editors,
Politicians, Graiters, ,Footpads and other
Vice Men, and upon his arrival there
lie proceeded 10 put this question 10 the
Wise Ones: "Why don't they build the
I'ortage7" lie fret put the question to
the Hotel Clerk who stopped polishing
hIs Diamond long enough TO direst the
seeker after knowledge to the Editor Of
a ureat Newspaper. The Bunchgrasser
found the City Editor In and at once
put the question. The City Editor glar-
ed at the qnestioner; where are you
ironi," he demanded fercely. From
Condon." replied the Bunchgrasser.
"What difference does II make 70 you
when lt's built7" "Well," replied the
Bunchgrasser, II think II will reduce
freight rates. develop the country and
be good thing for the people, aud
know n,en a. WSlla Walla, Arlington,
fslalock and other points who think the
same As | do. They want freight rate
based on water transportation because
they need 10 In their business" "oh |
come off, replied the City Editor.
Don't you know that oil the towns you |
have Just named are between The Dalles
and Portland 2 II 10 Eastern Oregon peo- |
pie need the portage, not You fellows"
The Bunclgrasser thanked him for the
information and hurried 10 the Office Of
a rival paper. "Why don't they build |
the Portage f' he asked Of the Telegraph |
Il litor. Because. "was the reply, "they
wili-when they have TO. It's very i'm
portant but other matters must be con-
sidered. There's the canal right Of way. |
= very meritorious delay measure. |
Then the railroads are interested and
their rights must be saeredly respected
and the politicians ars not to be sneezed
at. The coyote bounty law died when |
the portage bill was born 30 there's no
need OF getting excited aud doing any
thing rash. Then there never was but
ioar towns In Eastern Oregon, Atling.
ton, the county eeat OF Gillian county,
Mitchell, the county seat Of Wheeler
county, Heppner. mining town on the
Canadian Pacific and Fossil, which is
known as the Salem Of Eastern Oregon.
| know this is correct because got my
information partly from special edition
writeup Of the vintage of 1885 and part.
ly from my own head last time / hit the
pipe down at Wong Lees, Now you see
Heppner and Mitchell are no mOre-wip-
cd out by cloud bursts--Arlington has
the county seat and IL satisfied and
Fossil might get her moral atmosphere
polluted by smoke II there we're steam
boats on the upper river, So what's the
use to hurry. There's plenty OF time
before the country can settle up again
and the people fence against those
troublesome cloud bursts. But Of course
we must have the portage and immedi-
ately. Portland will not stand for an
othet hours delay, but II will not do TO
he hasty." He paused to light cigar
ette and the Bunchgrasser, staggering
under the load OF knowledge he had abb
sorbed, but with an Unsuitable desire for
more, rushed from the room and to the
nearest book store where he called for
copy Of some good geography OF Oregon.
The book man shook his head. 81 am
sorry" he said, "butI dare not let one
90. All I have will be needed here this
winter among our newspaper men who
will try TO settle the important question
of whether Eastern Oregon Is in north
ern Montana or the southwest corner Of
the Indian Territory"
Sick Headache.