New-York tribune., 1904-09-07
THE TALK or THE DAr.

Potato stories and campaign lies are now at their
height in Missouri man at Rosendale furnishes
In the agricultural line which surely is orig
insl He says that he was walking in his field
recently and kicked the top OF hill of potatoes
by mistake. Eleven bushels Of potatoes rolled out
before he could cover up the hill again.
THE STARVED. sPANGLED BANpMEN
THE Russian military band Arthur its
ssEsri,y s o the siege oaSs dspascs '
wha, glsdly We heard at the twiiighfs last
Does the bass drumlsi boom in It's resonant mightp
Does the tubavitch toot with its regular steam
Though the trcmboneskrs blasts in IT'S practising
Gave PROOF through the night that the bandski
o say do the starved. spangled bandmen stnl play.
While the Japanese shells whizzovitch DER the bay7
Though the drumski has lost its best head by
And bullet has pierced hole in the
Does The band answer back with ''Bedelia, as we'll
As It did when the Japs first gave orders to
"Hiawatha" it pealed from a bandstand concealed.
And the hot shot of ragtime its rumbles revealed
While the Japanese shells whizzovitch DER the bay?
Hark! The strainsd that comes through the crash
IT'S the band proving yet that grim war is Old
For the melody made by the toots and tum-tums
And the orskis and Witches stlll CALAMITY blow.
And the starved. spangled bandmen couraseously
While the Japanese shells whizzovttch DER the bay
--(Francis Scottonski Kevitchovitch.
On board Japanese flagship. off Port Arthur.
aus -'' +' ''0'
Divorces are secured in Japan ON very slight
grounds. but have decreased In number during the
last few years. But even now they occur in the
ratio OF 10 every three marriages. In 1909
there were 3i9,4S9 marriages and 1lS49s divorces.
she--Gracious me: Row dreadfuny the wind does
He-Yes: it probably has the toothache
He-Yes Have You never heard Of the teeth OF
the gale?-U-ondon Snap Shots.
The annual report of the Brooklyn Rapid Transit
Company shows that eighty-seven persons were
killed In accidents upon its lines in the year which
ended on June So 1904, and 2ei were injured. Not
a very creditable showing for the corporation.
WHERE ARE THE RUBEs?
self-satished people In London
Make fun Of the in New-York;
NEWCOMERS say those in Chicago
Chicagoans o' VOW @ HPhiiadelphis fS'"
MS Is wrapped in the en- meshes sl, 30, Of sleep
Is tawdry and shallow and cheap
The people of Pittsburg grow merry
When any speaks OF the way
st: Louis Is making advances
st. Louis derdes Cincinnati
And thus 1t goes merrily down,
ha oaif ha om as saer sht Of tsd ss
Bland City declares 1t is sorry
And Perkinsville thinks that Rays Crossing
Yields all of the Rubes that are polled
Rays Crossing sits down by the station
And renders it's thanks unto Fate
That IL is CHfton--why. Clifton
Is too small to stop any freight:
In Clifton they tell you of Pitchin
Where people cut hair la crock:
In Pttchin they gbe at Hoon Centre
AS something too stagnant TO mock.
Hoon Centre knows 'greenies' who walk In
From somewhere ''in yander'' and they
The from ''in yander"-wiIl chuckIe
OF those who live further away
And so We may trace It from London
Clear down 10 I'm yander." and still
The Reubens-the real ones-they tell us
Well find some other hill
The distance grows large or decreases
In squares and in circles ana cubes
From Lonoou clear down 'in yander''
The question is Where are the Rubes?'
life
The members Of the Australian Parliament are
working hard TO get their salaries raised from
$1,000 10 $500 year 50 hot has the fight become
that one member has petitioned the Speaker for
permission 20 put tent in the public gardens to
live in saying that he afford TO hire house.
The late Dr. RItche, of Edinburgh, was exam
intng student who claimed TO be mathenist tician.
thtchie doubted his claim, and TO test him. said.
How many sides has a circle
Tive was the reply
What are they? asked the doctor.
The inside and the outside was the answer.-
4 fAr~r-f