davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1904-10-01
The Mortgage Litter.

The Mortgage Litter.
Hail. to the hog, The American hogi
The plebeian, groveling thing of the bog.
The bristle- backed, scurvy-skinned igno-
BILE dog
OF a hogl
Ho. to the pig. the slop-eating pig,
The unrefined, wallowing suffer OF
whig.
-.Woof" big pig.
Ho, to the SOW, the fecundious sow,
The teeter-tit, fiaDby-chopped, old row.
dy-doW,
The sacky-shaped rooty-nosed. old pork
oh, thou sowi
Here's to them all. the ignoble pen!
The loathsomest hogoos of pig-sty and
fen.
The nuddy-nosed. tflted-eyed. saviours of
On the farmI
Sing ye song of America hog,
The dollar marked grunter that's built
like log,
The gold weighted shooter that clears
away fog
From the farm!
Marble of humming birds. lovers and
The poetic metre the fair woman's face.
Dame Symmetry's form that is fashioned
in grace
But the hog
Remember the hog. the squealing old hog
the bog.
IT'S he in business is banker in
Fine fat pork
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1904-10-01

about 900 square miles and a popu
lation of about 100000, lies on the
northeastern coast Of the island of
Borneo. 1t is fertile country,
drained by many rivers, and remark
able for its spices, tobacco, coffee,
rice, gutta percha, sage, and, it should
also be remarked, orahg-outangs. Gold
is exported and diamonds and coal
are mined. Although it lies in the
torrid zone, its lowest boundary reach
ing within fifty miles of the equator,
it has a fairly good climate, and the
fact that Europeans may live there
comfortably is borne out by the long
residence of the Rajah's family. Sar-
awak, declared Independent by the
first Rajah Brooke, the adventurer
whose story is as romantic as any
that has found it's way into print, in
1888 became a protectorate of Great
Britain, and only its foreign affairs re-
Quire the sanction of the British gov
eminent.
Sir James Brooke was the son of a
civil service employe of the East In
dia Company, in the military service
of which young Brooke entered as a
cadet. He spent the early years of
his active life in Bengal, and was later
commissioned a lieutenant. In the
Burmese war he was shot through the
lungs, and returned home to recuper-
ate. He recovered, but the ship in
which he had taken passage back to
India having been wrecked, he reached
there the day after his leave had ex-
pired, and was told he had lost his
commission. 1t was in vain that he
explained he was victim of ship
wreck. His explanation was not re-
ceived, and the victim of red tape
turned from his military career to one
of adventure
Turned from India, young Brooke
accompanied the ship which had
brought him out to China, and on the
way he got his first glimpse of the
wonderful Indian archipelago-of
which Twelve Thousand Isles" Bor-
neo is the pearl. The idea of explor-
ing the mysterious islands and the
value of the products from them took
his fancy, and upon his return to- Eng
land his mind was made up; he had
decided on a life of adventure.
In 1888 his father died, and James
Brooke succeeded to fortune so
handsome that his life Of adventure
was assured. He bought a schooner
yacht, the Royalist. 142 tons, put a
crew on board and then sailed into
the Mediterranean, where, for several
years, the crew was trained, and then
selected with the care of a pirate
chief. He wanted none but trusty,
lusty and true men aboard the Royal
list. Finding a crew to his liking, he
weighed anchor and set out for the
China Sea. When he reached Singa-
pore he decided to take a look at
Borneo.
Borneo at that time was under the
rule of the Rajah Muda Hassim, as
fine an example of a cutthroat as ever
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1904-10-01

Ii the average person who goes up
to take civil service examination
were asked where Sarawak is, he
would, unless he had survived a youth
full enthusiasm for stamp collecting,
fail cisgracefully. Yet the history of
Sarawak is the story of one of the
most remarkable examples of the rap
id civilization of a savage people in
these times, and to-day the principal
ity, which is about the size of the
State of Louisiana, has a consider
able import and export trade.
Sarawak, which has an area OF
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1904-10-01
DON'T GRIT YOUR TEETH.

The Man in the Chair Gets a Pointer
or Two FROM the Dentist.
mo teeth to fill,'' the dentist said
to the man in the chair, but you are
grinding off your teeth more than you
ought to. Do you grit your teeth in
your sleep?"
And the man said he didn't stay
awake long enough to know about
that, but were they much ground on ?
More than they ought to be at your
age" said the dentist. You have
worn the enamel of from some of
them and got down to the dentine."
What's going to happen?" asked
the victim:
why. if you keep on grinding them
off," said the dentist, "the teeth will
hollow out and Wen have to put plugs
in them with gold tops to give them
new grinding surfaces
This wasn't a very pleasant pros
pect, so later the man sought to ascer-
tain for himself whether he did grit
his teeth unduly. And while he was
still unable to stay awake long enough
to find out, he did discover that he
had a habit at times of gritting his
teeth, in his waxing moments, when
he sat back from his work to think
of something. for instance. And he
made up his mind that he would stop
that, anyway, and he hoped that he
might thus stop grinding his teeth in
his sleep, if he did SO grind them
For. fine as they might be. he didn't
want any of those nice little gold
capped plugs put in his teeth if he
could help it
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1904-10-01
The "Y, in the Railroad.

"Once upon time" in an infantile
metropolis of the West, there lived
grandiloQuent real estate dealer and
an air castle carpenter,
The sedulous real estate agent was
not doing tanybody) very well, and
the other fellow had tried everything
else and failed, SO they decided to
start somethingi
As might be expected, they finally
concluded that a nice little country
paper would be about the easiest
money going. OF course neither knew
a shooting-stick from a tympan-sheet,
but both were born editors" and &C
Auainted with the local publisher,
who didn't know much anyhow-and
was getting rich at it,
Nov, my deduction is said
Boomit the real estate man, getting
fchesty, that if Jobber, who almost
has paresis, can successfully hood
wink the public into liquidating, we
you and lean make Midas borrow
a stack of blues in about six months
and a fractionl"
The argument was philosophical and
appealed to Dolittle, the fellow who
wasn't very busy anyhow, and they
set off enthusiastically for the town
junk pile, where they unearthed a
printing outfit in about two jerks of
a mutton-chop's caudal appendage.
Then they bought two excursion
tickets, rode as far as they had it
printed on 'em, and discriminating, be-
gan a hot-foot up the railroad track
toward Utopia-which is in the die
tionary but not on the map-carry-
ing their 'shirt-tail" outfit between
them.
They didn't know exactly where
they were, or whittier they were go
ing, but it was so easy to make money
in the newspaper business wherever
there were people and green grass,
that it didn't matter much anyhow
and they trudged along joyously,
practising on the use of the editorial
1--WE" and we editor begs to acknowl-
edge" etc.
Dolittle, long. lank and cadaverous,
was carrying a bucket of ink in one
hand. planer in the other, and about
his neck dangled ten feet of press
tape. From his pocket the editorial
scissors protruded at an angle of As
degrees Fahrenheit-or about that
height
Boomit. short, fat and oleaginous,
was staggering along under the
weight of mallet, a press-roller and
a grip-full of type-lice.
Thus they proceeded toward the
Land of the Long Felt Want, where
people were lying awake nights wor-
rying about the light crop of news
papers and praying for more raini
The day was torrid, and despite
thir inner buoyancy, the literary itin-
Grants began to lather a little at the
turn of the road-and other placesi
Great glopules of perspiration rolled
down Boomit's body-for he was
greasy and built like key of nails
Every few steps Dolittle would stop
and fan the front of his throbbing
undershirt, and suggest starting
newspaperl"on the spot"
There's plenty of green grass
around here he argued, waving his
long arm in semi7circle, land won't
the people come in omnibuses~ when
we get 'er started?'
But better judgment prevailed, and
after time they sighted a village
church spire! Then, abruptly round
ing curve. they came face to face
with .'Y'' in the road
On each side of the ~" was a sign
board One read:
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1904-10-01
me R6JAH3 BUNGAL OW

ruled a native people At the time the
kajah was residing at Sarawak, bav-
ing found the tumultous and ever-in-
creasing shouts for his life in his cap
ita1 wearyiug- The interior of the
island was in rebellion against the
Rajah, and his existence was in dam
ger of An abrupt conclusion at any
time.
Brooke heard of the Rajah's dilem-
ma, and considered that he had ar
rived at an opportune time. The open
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1904-10-01
Information Wanted.

"Are you going to marry that naval
captain?" asked five-year-old Margfe
of her grown up sister.
Eyes, DEAR" was the reply.
'And if he should de- continued
Margie, will you wear seaweeds and
be a mermaid widow?'
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1904-10-01
The poctor,s ScrawIs.

Druggist-But l advertised for
prescription clerk. You say you've
had no experience in the drug bust
ness?
Applicant-No, but I'm just the man
for you. My specially has been Egyp
tology, and I'm great at decipherins
hieroglyphics.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1904-10-01
No Cause for Alarm.

tSuch conduct said the teacher to
rebellious pupil, will eventually
bring your fathers gray hairs in sor-
row tC the grave"
Don't you believe it," replied the
incorrigible youngster. THE governor
wears a wig. See?'
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1904-10-01
Stinqy Woman.

Agent-Why did you
leave Mrs Goodso1l so soon? She is
said to be very nice woman
Domestic-NiceI She's that stfngy
she begrudges the very air ye
breathe
you amaze me-"
Judge for y'rself. Kerosene ISN'T
worth over IL cents gallon, is it,"
NO"
well, she most had a ut cause I
started to pour a few drops of it in
TIL kitchen stove.-New York Weekly.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1904-10-01
An Error of the Types.

An Error of the Types.
81 wonder if old Hiram Skynf1ynt's
relatives will appreciate that" unused
the country editor.
They'd oughter,' replied his assist.
ant, sit certainly was a good big obitu
airy you wrote of him"
mo, but the head. 1 wrote it Not
Dead, but Gone Before and it's Be
low in the paper
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1904-10-01
Why He Objected.

The Lady-But. my poor man. you
must surely object to the company you
meet in the station cells.
Gritty George do, num- Dere
was a couple of rich chauffeurs locked
up for fast driving last night, an DER
soft talk made me sick--Philadel-
phia Bulletin.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1904-10-01

yellow dogs wagged their tails as en-
couragingly as could be expected by
utter strangers,
Well, Dolittle and Boomit an
nounced that they would begin with
write-up of the town, and the corner
groceryman, who was going to begin
business soon, said maybe he'd adj
vertise after the first year. if the pa
per showed evidence of stability
With light hearts Boomit and Do1it-
tie went to work They set a neat
editorial card -hat read like this:
THE WHISTLE CREEK MOCKING-
BIRD
Subscription Price soc a Year
Garden Truck Accepted)
Published Every Thursday Evening.
Alexander Bling Boomft = Manager.
AL Simpson Dolittle = EditorN
Now is the Time to Subscriber
Then they went out where the
green grass was growing and started
to do business. Whenever they met
anybody, they got the glad hand, and
the yellow dogs parked Hospitality
but there didn't seem to be any big
contracts, That night the literary
gents" dug a few green's, and went to
sleep alongside the railroad track,
They were weary and somewhat sur
prised-but not discouraged
And here, oh, gentle reader, begins
the tear-spIashed part of this nara
tive,
About midnight, the fast mail train,
sweeping like a demon through Whis-
tie Crick, threw out a huge sample
copy bundle of Chicago papers. The
massive roll went hurtling through the
right-of-way like a torpedo through a
Russian cheesei
And Boomit, slumbering with Nor
pheus and Dolittle beside the iron
rail, was struck and telescoped.
He lived but a fleeing moment and
his last words were:
"Partner-don't - give up our
editorial-ship!'
Alas, Poor Boomit," walled Doiit-
tie, standing aioft, while tears of woe
fell with sodden thud upon the dead
mans flannel shirt-"Poor, poor
good START"
Then the chief mourner ran uptown
and spread the direful news.
Squire Dingem shook his head sad
ly, and the corner groceryman said he
had felt all along the town wasn't big
enough to support newspaper.
Dolittle, daZed and weeping, hung
around all next day, soldering softly
to himself, but when the evening shad-
ows fell asiant the cottonwoods iand
painted silhouettes on the bosom of
Whistle Crick, he mournful1y with
drew up the railroad track, chanting
a requiem of sorrow as he went.
a Russian d
dler SwOOped down upon Whistle
Crick and its print shop with a writ
of replevin, the current issue of the
trade paper said: 1.-The Whistle Crick
Mockingbird has ceased to mock! -
and the people lived happily ever aft
erwardi
Moral-Most any gazabo can start
something.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1904-10-01
Never Done.

Mrs. Scraggs-That cook simply
will not broil steak right. I've told
her over and over again, and here IL
is just as raw as ever.
Mr.. Scraggs- not surprised
You have often said that woman1
work is never done.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1904-10-01
Too Generous.

Virgins likes to hear himself
talk"
yes" answered the sarcastic per.
son; sit wouldn't be so bad IL he
didn't insist on trying to share the
luxury of his conversation with some
one else"
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1904-10-01

This is the season of the year when
the erubescent maiden and the awk-
ward swain get married at the county
fair, or the town carnival, amid the
plaudits of gathered thousands. In
after life it must be sweet music to
their ears to be known as that there
couple that got tied at the Berrien
county fair"
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1904-10-01
Facts In the Case.

But wasn't you brought up to
work." asked the kind lady who had
staked the tramp to a handout.
Oats wot WIZ, lady," replied the
hobo de las time WI: brought up
de Judge put me ter work fer ten
days"
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1904-10-01
MILES
to
HICKRY HOLLER.

and they went to Whistle Crick
The entire populace of the Crick
turned out en- masse to greet the new
editorsi
Both Squire Dingem and OF Man
Binker said they'd subscribe The
boy with stone-bruise on his heel
struck them for job. and the seven
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1904-10-01
Turning the Tables.

Turning the Tables.
Just one kiss before go, dearest
pleaded the 1eap-year girl.
NO" replied the young man, firm.
ly. LIPS that touch hairpins shall
never touch mine.''
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1904-10-01

About the hardest luck extant was
that of the young man who, married
but three days, was drawn on the jury
and accepted in a case that lasted
three weeks with two days and nights
for a verdict. A man is entitled to a
pension for such service to his coun-
try.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1904-10-01

If you haven't anything to say, LET
the other fellow say it and make a
monkey of himself.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1904-10-01

A mean old .'geezer" down in New
Jersey is using his first girls picture
to scare the rats from his hen house.
He probably has forgotten when faith
er's shotgun couldn't scare him away
from the original-which proves he
either didn't have even rat sense in
those days or is a complete mental
deformity at the present time!
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1904-10-01
A Domestic Mystery.

A Domestic Mystery.
Teacher was explaining the mean
Ing of the word recuperate.
Now, WILLIE" she said, If your
father worked hard all day he would
be tired and all worn out, wouldn't
he?"
"Yes'm"
Then when night comes and his
work is over for the day. what does he
do?"
That's what ma wants to know"
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1904-10-01

The envious man misses his own
blessings in coveting those of others
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1904-10-01

AS the Fall approaches nearer and
nearer come the rehearsal echoes of
the altiloquent campaigner from his
practice stump in the forest primeval.
Rhetorical bombast reverberates from
afar of, like harbingers of the storm
that sweeps in fury later on. In the
inimitable parlance of the slangist,
Were up ag'in' iti"-this is campaign
year,
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1904-10-01
RrotherIv Love.

BrotherIy Love.
Marie, what do you want for q
birthday present?''
"a piano.
s.And you, Donald, what do you
want?"
81 want an automobile, so as to be
able to get out of the way quickly
when Marie begins to play"
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1904-10-01

Many a woman that could not cook
has made a noble mother and none OF
her sons in after life was in position
to make his wife unhappy by refer
ence to the biscuits mother used to
make.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1904-10-01

The graminivorous bovine in the
pasture is just about now getting an
adjunct of corn meal and bran to
stimulate a tactical flow. To even
things, the kid that drives her is hit
ting the apple barrel in the cellar reg
ularly. We, of the city, don't get all
the, good things of life.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1904-10-01

Many a man that kicks another
when he is down refrains from kick
ing a dog when it has a tin can tied
to its tail. Our sympathy for misused
brutes is frequently more marked
than our pity for human beings.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1904-10-01

When a young married couple with
their first baby go visiting and the
young husband carries a package un-
der his arm, all the old married folks
know what's in the bundle without
looking.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1904-10-01
MILES
WHISTLE CRICK.

:
and the other one:
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1904-05-05

mainder in natural woods. with parks and
lawns for the use of the patients and en-
nioyes of the institutions. A considerable
norton of it will remain in its present
rural condition, and when the buildings are
completed the grounds will have been i'm
proved so as to present an attractive ap-
pearance.
The location of the vast acreage is con-
sjdered the most beautiful to be found any
where In this section of the country. 1t is
on the banks of the Sligo. on high slope.
300 feet above Washington. Dwellings will
be built about the grounds for the accom-
mediation of the physicians. nurses and
others employed about the various build
ings
The sanitarum when completed will ac-
commodate about go patients. but at the
outset not more than twenty-five or nifty
will occupy the wards. 1t Is expected that
about 1JB students will avail themselves of
the opportunity to take up the studies for
service in the missionary fields. Sanitariums
o. similar character have been established
In China, Australia, Denmark. Germany.
New Zealand. Kobe. Japan, Cape Town, South
Africa; Calcutta. India. and Switzerland
When the institution is completed 1t is
claimed Ii will be the best equipped sani-
tarium of its kind In the country. with all
of the latest medical and educational facili-
ties with which to continue the work which
the denomination has carried on for the
past twenty-five years.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1904-05-05
FORFEITED HIS COLLATERAL.
E. L. Carneal Fails to Answer Charge
Of Gambling.

Edwin L. Carneal, furniture dealer. who
lives at $40 22d street. northwest, failed to
appear III the Police Court today to answer
to charge of violating the gambling law.
which had been filed against him and there
by forfeited $50 collateral.
Carneai was entertaining party of five
friends in room on the second floor of his
residence last night. when he received a
visit from Sergt. Doyle of the third precinct.
who was accompanied by Policemen Lake,
Brown and Gunther. The host and his
guests were seated around table on which,
the police say. they found a pack of cards
and number OF red. white and blue chips.
According to the Police money amounting to
$685. wes also found on the table and the
indications were that poker game had
been going on until it was interrupted by
the unlimited guests. Carneal was escorted
to the station house where he left security
for his appearance In court today. but the
guests were permitted to go on their re-
spective ways alter giving their names
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1904-05-05
church sooiety's Annual Meeting.

The annual meeting of the Murray Uni
versalist Society was held Wednesday even
ing. May 4, at the Universaist Church.
18th and l. streets. The reports for the OIL
cial year showed the society and the aux
Hilary organisations to be In a nourishing
condition, with all debts paid and bal
ance In the treasury On the strength OF
these reports 1t was voted to increase the
pastors salary by 600.
The following ofricers were elected; Mod
orator, III. L. Williams; secretary. ]. W.
Webb; treasurer. George III. Dyer; trustees
for four years. J. M. House and A. N.
Condra.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1904-05-05
FAILED TO ADJOURN.
Stephen Powell Gets INTO Tolls for Not
"Moving On"

Stephen Powell. colored. was named as
a defendant In the District branch OF the
Police Court this morning on charge OF
7disorderly conduct At the request OF At
torney Cranch. Poweifs employer. hearing
of the case was postponed until tomorrow
Powell was discussing the political situa-
ton with several friends In front of the
Police Court this morning when Policeman
Flynn ordered an adjournment. All ac-
cepted the ofacer's suggestion with the ex-
ception OF Powell, who remained after
making statement. SO the policeman said,
that the sidewalks are free to all
Several attorneys and others have been
summoned by Policeman Flynn to appear
morrow.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1904-05-05
PERSONAL TAX RETURNS.
Assessor Darneille to Change Date for
Filing.

Hopewell Fl. Darneille, the District as
SCISSOR, today announced that about the
1st of July he will give notice that all re-
turns for personal tax in the District for
the year 1905 must be filed in his Office
on or before the list of August next. Here
tofore the last day for returns of per-
sonal tax has been August IL. 1t is con-
sidered important that the citizens of the
District make note of the change in the
date within which returns for personal
tax must be filed with the assessor. Last
year, it is stated. many citizens of the
District failed to take notice of the limit
of time fixed for making return of their
personal property. and this failure cost
the citizens large amount of money in
the aggregate on account of penalties, &c.