West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1904-04-14
THE RAMBLER.
In the Social, Whirl and Political
Storm
A Full Report of the Joint Debate
Between Montgomery and Flynn.
An Enthusiastic Meeting at Terra
Alta Minus an Ox.Roast.

Alta Minus an Ox-Roast.
Since have been raised TO the dignity OF
war correspondent could not claim
membership In the human family II did
not acknowledge that feel my Importance
In the community in which I have my loco.
motion. The people vie with each other
In extending me Invitations to attend their
social functions. To quote from a letter
which received from a society lady last
Saturday, will convince those who have not
come In contact with my popularity:
II most earnestly entreat you that you
attend our social entertainment on Tuesday
evening. You shall occupy the seat of
honor. A social without The Rambler is
not considered fashionable Your war
"reminiscences which you so wildly and
graphically narrate. your thrilling adven-
lures and narrow escapes following the
trail Of the political pie-hunters through
the dense forests which no human being
has penetrated before. fills us with amaze
ment and chills us with wonderment You
must not disappoint me. have stated on
my invitations that The Rambler will be
present TO entertain us and lead the whirl
In the may waltz which guarantees an
immense gathering of the elite In your
honor"
This Is fair sample OF the many letters
which 1 receive daily. As a social func.
ZIONIST shall be there with my rented dress
suit. which shall be the envy OF the male
attendants and the admiration Of the fair
sex, fact which you will not find recorded
1 in the county M 4.
full report Of this delightful and artistic
entertainment. This shows mans inhu-
manity to man.
With my social functions and political
ramblings am kept quite busy On my ar
rival home from one OF those heavenly
functions on Wednesday night in wab-
bling state due to foo much attention TO
the lunch counter. received a message
from Deacon Brown, which read as follows
BE at Terra Alta early Thursday morn.
Ing and give me a full report of the Joint
debate between Col. Montgomery and Mai.
flynn. The war between Japan and Rus.
STA is Insignificant compared to the poltI-
cal war now raging in Preston. As the only
up-to-date paper published in the county.
The ARGUS must have a full and completes
report
There was no alternative for me but TO
obey. left. however. that " remained In
town and attended another social enter
,ainment and eazed on the sky.light as fire.
quently as the previous night would have
to be brought home in a wheel.barrow by
my good friend, George COT. had no de-
sire to look upon the whirry for few nights.
To coverthe ten miles between Kingwood
ana Terra Alta was no easy task IwouId
have collapsed before reached Terra
Alta had Il not been for John o. WhetseII.
the Indian Chief. which history teaches
was the first man TO inhabit this region.
overlook me at the foot OF the mountain and
placed me on his charger. which he de.
clared could climb sapling If I got the
proper kink in her tail. When comfortably
mounted let loose the kink. and the
charger and myself reached Terra Alta
just forty.seven seconds ahead of John O..
who Is fleet of foot when in pursuit OF game.
when hungry and thirsty which he CHANGED
to be on this morning.
When reached the top OF the hill. over.
looking the Commercial Centre, | observed
the people pouring in from all four quarters
OF the globe. There was no doubt of the
success OF the meeting in point OF number.
received my usual ovation and was soon
the center OF attraction for the time being.
The ladies'. bless them and save them from
old age. adorned me with buttou.hoIe
bouquets and the men flashed bottles of
wherry IN my face. which they said had
just arrived from the famous Craborchard.
The meeting was called to order prompt
" at the time specified in the flaming hand.
bills. and the Hon. William Henry Glover.
the Generalissimo Of this section Of the
county was made chairman. On taking the
chair William Henry ran his6ngers through
MS vermiilion sideburns and gave his
mustache few twirls to Indicate to the
audience that lie was warrior bold and
would stand no guying.
I'VE have met to-day began the Gen.
eralissino in a soprano voice ito test the
power Of endurance. Two Of our most IA.
| nous gladIators will meet on this platform
In few minutes. II shall be severe test
OF wind power for which the Weather Blu.
reau at Washington is not responsible.
QLaughter) They represent the House OF
Dawson and the House OF Teter. both
OF which have had many shingles blown of
and weather boards split by the political
storm. which Is prevalent In the Stale of
West Virginia. tMerrIment) We read in
the public press that this storm was so
terrific in the city Of Parkersburg on salur.
day April ?. THAI u destroyed the Casino
building IN which the warriors were as.
sembled, and blew out two sets Of dele.
gates. tApplsuse) We read that the war.
riors in their desperation to escape the
storm. clung to one another in an affection.
ate embrace which nothing bui death can
sever. Tremendous cheerine) n the
storm continues az this gait there will not
be enough Of Us patriots lof, by November
next 10 eat the pie which IS the cause of
this political wrath I have spent many
sieepiess hours devising plans by which we
could cvadc this storm and capture the pie
Tor those who are pie blind but am sorry
70 say that we are as FAR from II as the ex.
piorers are from the North Pole Great
signing and wrineing OF hands) Bot we
musi hunt on. The gentlemen who shall
elccirify you in few minutes are both ex.
pert hunters. aud they claim. as am told
on good authority that they have % bottled
upi "a dozen voices Pass 10 around
That's what we're here FOR. D Nay. Pauline
nay. 20 was The uuootuing Of it at Parkors.
burg which caused the outburst Of enihu.
siasm Several voices Sit downi) Not
while my cofns fail 70 prognosucate the
weather This Is the last opportunity
shall have 90 harsngue yoa until after the
thunderboit. am as harmless to-day as a
harlequin bat on April goth may be a roar.
ing lions seeking whom may doyour Great
CheeringJ IS 7 reserve the right for
Few more says. shall now Introduce 90 YOU
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