The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1904-05-01

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! but by and by, when mamma has to quit
they don't understand that the butche
, has to be called down regularly for leav
!. ing those heavy ends on the steak, O
{ running in the shoulder chops son you
! and that when Willie has the Group sh,
mustn't give the little darling stiff no
Scotch and try to remove the phlegn
! from his throat with buttonhook.
There are q lot of women in this worle
who think that there's only one side tc
the married relation, and that's tLsir
: side. When one of them marries she
starts right out to train her husband
into nice old Carlo who'll go down
town for her every morning and come
home every night, fetching a snug little
basketful of n1onev in his mouth and
wagging his tail as he lays it at her feet
Then it's pat on the head and Nice
deggie.' And he's taught to stand
: around evenings retrieving her gloves
and handkerchief, and swapping up with
a pleased licking of his shops any little
word that she may throw to him But
you let him start in to have a little fun
scratching and stretching himself, or
paving her. and it's charge, Carlol"
and Bad doggie
OF course, no man ever believes when
he narries that he's going to wind up
as kind Carlo, who droops his head so
that the children can pull his ears, and
who sticks up his paw so as to make it
easier for his wife to pull his leg. But
its simpler than you think
As long as fond fathers slave and ann
bilious mothers sacrifice SO that foolish
daughters can hide the petticoats of pow
erty under silk dress and crowd the
space in their heads, which ought to be
filled with plain, useful knowledge, with
the doings of cheap society, a lot of girls
are going to grow up with the idea that
getting married means getting rid of care
and responsibility instead of assuming
it
A fellow can't play the game with
girl of this sort, because she can't play
fair. He wants her love and a wife;
she wants provider, not "a lover, and
she takes him as a husband because she
can't draw his salary any other way.
But she can't return his affection, be-
cause her love IS already given to anoth-
eT; and when husband and wife both love
the same person, and that person is the
wife, its usually life sentence at hard
labor for the husband If he wakes up
a little and tries to assert himself after
he's been married year or so, she
shoulders and sobs until he sees what
brute he is, or if that doesn't work. and
he still pretends to have little spirit,
she goes off into a rage and Mysteries,
and that usually brings him 70 heel
again. It's a mighty curious thing how
a woman who has the appetite and In
stincts of a turkey buzzard viii often
make her husband believe that she's as
a~rHs dofir1<<a .aas,orx,
bird.
It's been my experience that both men
and women can fool each other before
marriage. and that women can keep right
along fociing men after marriage, but
hat as soon as the average man gets
married he gets found OUT. After a wom-
In has lived IN the same house with
nan for year she knows him like
rood merchant knows his stock, down to
my shelf-worn and slightly damaged
morals which he may be hiding behind
resher goods IN the darkest corner of
lis immortal soul But even If sizes
married. to a fellow who's SO mean that
led take the pennies off a dead mans
yes. not because he needed the money I
ut because he hadn't the change handy
or two-cent stamp, she'll never own !
D to the worst about him, even to her !
elf, till she gets HIM INTO divorce SUIT
] simply mention these things in gem ]
raj way. Helen has shown signs OF low :
ig you, and you've never shown any
y1nptoIns of hating yourself, SO I'm not
eally afraid that you're going TO get the
-erst of it row So far as Z can see,
our nother-in-Iaw is the only real trou-
Ie that you have married. But don't you
lake the mistake of criticising her to
Telen or of quaTreling with her. I'll
tend to that for the family. You sim
y want TO dodge when she leads with !
le right, take your full ten seconds on
lie floor, and come back with your left !!
ieek turned toward her, though, of j
,urse, you'll yarlk it back out of reach !
ist before she lands on it. There's Moth
e ike using a little diplomacy IN this
ord. ard. so far as women are con-
rned, diplomacy IS knowing when to
ay away: and diplonsatist is ore who
IS the other fellow think he's getting I
s way. while all the time he's having J
S own. 1t never does any special harm
let people have their way with their I
ouths.
What you want to do is TO keep moth
-in-law from mixing UP IN your fana-