Herald and news. [volume] (West Randolph, Vt.) 1878-1943, 1904-01-28
When Mr.. wlseacre Washes Dishes.

when MIR. WISeaCre washes DiSheS.
In sudden crisis or upheaval of the
existing order of things, caused by indis-
position or absence on the part OF the reg
ular keeper of the Lares and Penates, and
the utter Impossibility Of securing the
valuable services OF that rara avis, hired
girl, it occasionally devolves upon Mr..
Wiseacre to bring his masculine intellect
to bear upon the problem OF domestic
science as exemplified in the ordinary
round of homework.
He has always been in the habit of
thinking, and not infrequently Of saying,
that he doesn't see how Mrs. Miseacre can
keep herself busy all day long doing moth
ing, and it is his opinion that ii she had
any system about her work she would be
forced to take up snowshoeing in order to
get sufficient exercise to be healthy.
In these days of cereals, it is easy
enough without much cooking to provide
food for breakfast OF the most healthful
variety, warranted indeed to double the
mental and physical vigor Of habitual con-
sumers Of any kind in the lot, but which
are someway less palate tickling than
indigestible hot biscuits and omelets
After breakfast comes little period of
skirmishing around for Susie's ruDbers,
Johnnie's mittens and Tins arithmetic,
that, of course, were all carefully put in
their proper places by their respective
owners, but which in the night have mys-
teriously hidden themselves, as proved by
the localities in which they are not found,
the arithmetic, whose loss would cause no
inconsolable grief to Tim. being the only
one to come to light before school time.
Having started the children off ten min
utes late, Mr.. Wiseacre watches them
around the corner with a vague notion
that perhaps their hair should have been
combed, and returns to reduce the rest OF
the work to some kind of system. Man
ifestly the first thing is to clear the table,
and this he proceeds to do by setting the
fragments that remain on the pantry
shelves just as they come from the table
to save dish washing and to have them all
ready for the next meal-and by piling the
dirty dishes in the sink. Then he takes
down the dishpan and contemplates the
job before him. 1t seems to him that the
soothing influences of pipe will help the
thing along some, and he feels little
sorry for Mrs. Wiseacre because she
doesn't smoke. So he lights up, pours
dipper or two OF water into the pan and
looks about for the dishcloth There are
three. what he terms "rags,A that appear
to have some role to play in the approach
ing performance, but where they come in
or what is the cue for each, several mo-
ments of anxious study fails to reveal. He
finally selects one ana puts II through the
ties, pantry shelves and iron sink-and,
regarding its drab hue ruefully after the
last bout, wonders how Mrs. Wiseacre
manages to keep 1t as white as 1t was in
the beginning.
In the interval OF attending to the chill
dren and other things, the dishes have had
time, which they have improved, to be-
come pretty well stuck up, and, his hands
not being hardened to hot water, the fluid
ttaf he n faFT ia at m a
to make much impression on the dried and
closely adhering mess. He claws and he
seratc hes, breaks his finger nails and New
Years resolutions, but succeeds In remov-
ing a little OF the roughness from the
glazed surface Of the china, and then de-
votes several minutes to rubbing down
each dish like race horse to get il dry.
In spite Of all his efforts they persist IN
retaining a moist, clammv feeling, and as
no rinsing water is used. the chunks that
resisted action in the dishpan come off on
the wlping towel, to the altogether loath-
some appearance OF that article.
AT II o'clock the last dish is put away,
but the fire IS out and the preparation OF
dinner stares Mr.. Wiseacre in the face.
The prospect of another big mess OF
dishes, with pots and kettles added, is not
to be considered complacently for mo-
ment, and so when the children come
home from school, hungry as bears, they
are set down to cold bread and milk, and
their murmurings silenced by stern admo-
nitions against the indecent gluttony OF
two heavy meals in four hours. Mr..
Wiseacre himself is not hungry, so he
saws; the thought OF food is nauseous to
him and, consequently, ought to be to
Others; Furthermore he hasn't been SO ex-
hausted before since he can remember.
He suddenly bethinks himself OF impor-
tant matters in the vicinity OF down.
town restaurant which require his pres
ence, and he hastens away, impressiyely
charging each little Wiseacre to cleanse, at
the conclusion OF the frugal repast, his or
her own bowl and spoon and not to leave
any dirty dishes around. And there ends
the systematizing OF homework by Mr..
Wiseacre for awhile, and he is very careful
for long time not to use unnecessary
plates and spoons.