The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1904-03-11
THE NONPAREJL MAN

THE NONPAREJL MAN
Beware the Social Lion Whose Ambition
It ls to Shine as an Amateur Cook
Story OF His lnsIstence on Throwing To-
gether for You a Lobster NeWburg or
Something Equally as Bad While Stom-
ach Trouble Linsers Not Ten Feet
Away.
A man who does little something in the
way of shining family in society came
lntosthe office the other day with a panied
to record his protest against
that other man whose ambition It is also
to shine in social way as FAN Amateur
Cook
y Perhaps you have met one of these sui
tans of the Samovar, these chiefs Of the
Chatting Dish? No? Well, his work is
something like this You are feeling
pretty well and comfortable in. your corner
and he nails you.
E Have you ever tried any of his-no
matter what.
OF course you haven't
You must.
SO he unlimbers his chatting dish and
gets busy. You protest you are not hun
gry have just dined, etc. That mat
ters not. The Samover sultan, with fine
sense of what constitutes a
pinch Of salt, throws together a lobster
newburg, scallop or something equally
as bad and it's you to the block. If you do
not down it, your manners are bad. It Is
hard work but you get busy and put it out
Of sight. Asehe sits back. evidently enjoy
ing the time Of his life, he remarks:
what did you think of that?"
You lie like gentleman and the Incl
dent is over. That is, over for him But
there is stomach trouble not.ten feet away
Are we prepared to repel boarders? The
battleship Wisconsin has just made a rec
ord Of nine bull's-eyes in ten minutes
with 13-inch guns. The 13-inch gun is
the boy that throws a hunk of steel as big
as the woodshed and throws it fast.
The monthly pay of the Japanese soldier
is Zoe. 1t is clear that the Nippons are
working for love.
RUSSIANS BEAT-a retreat.
Canned hash is delicacy that has just
been added to the regular army ration.
All the comforts of home!
A Nevada congressman has Just intro
duced bill for the free and unlimited
coinage Of silver The Missouri compro-
misc md several other dead issues stirred
uneasily.
Kate Thyson Mari breaks out in morn.
ing paper as follows:
There is no prayer I might not pray
For you. for you.
There is no blight l would not stay
For you, for you.
No matter how my life were tossed.
No matter what might be the cost
For you, my king, 'twere all well lost
far
We feel it our duty to hold up one
finger at Kitttie and remark, warninglv.
s'Kittie! Kittie.!'',
The fact that he contracted to pay $780,
600 for a set of Charles Dickens works
was the chief cause Of bankruptcy pro-
ceedings against Emil Scherr. manu-
facturer of silk ribbons in Philadelphia
The price of the books was 81. 900 a vol
ume, and the set consisted of 1870 of these
$1,000 volumes. Mr.. Scherr's creditors al
lege that to get books Scherr had in the
last six months pledged with various per
sons and banks 2s1 bales of raw silk
worth $15O,O00, and with no regard to the
rights of his creditors
He has used all of the money for ex-
pensive books, resulting in the dissipation
of such an enormous amount of the capt.
tai of his business that the creditors say
It is not safe to allow him to- continue
in the business. Yes, but think what a
fine set of Dickens Mr.. Scherr has in his
library to dazzle, the eyes of his friends
with!
When a woebegone looking beggar ap-
pealed to the butler for help at the door
of a wealthy Chicago home recently. the
butler had the cook make up six chicken
sandwiches for the poor fellow. When he
saw them he Was very angry, threw them
at the butler and demanded money. When
they shut the door on him he tried to
beat it down.. and the police had to carry
him away. He said he had been insulted
There is quite celebrated divorce case
on trial in New York city, and once more
is illustrated the terrible folly of putting
goo-goo ideas on paper where they may
be read later on to a: dusty but gleeful
courtroom by rusty lawyer with voice
like an unoiled barn-doo hinge and a
soul as devoid of sentiment as the Mojave
desert is Of orchids. Mrs. Flynn, it
seems. loved big. fat mounted police
man and wrote him poetry and letters
Mr.. Flynn. wanting divorce, had these
literary affairs read in court. The police
man in the case being fat and purly
generally, Mrs. Flynn of course addressed
him as Baby Here's what the aston
ished court heard:
baD!, why dlun i get a letter from you yes
terday: Did offend YOU in any way?
can shut my eyes and see Your face plainly.
You are my own dear hoy--ny5 lovely big boy.
Now, honey. if don't get a letter from You
on Monday--written last week shall have to
scod you bit for trea ting your grille in So
cruel a manner. must get one soon or some
thing will bust. -
Kiss me now, dear Your loving
But even this was not sufficient The
lawyer went right on reading:
My Own Dear Boy: II am lonely to-day
longing for my 4boy--longing for touch of that
hand I love so well and my heart would bridge
the distance between YOU and me, and would
discover if possible what is In your heart to-
day Are You thinking of me: wonder.
1t has rained here to-day and the day is dark
and gloomy. Needs only some ones presence to
make it bright to me:
Can you possibly know what your love means
want You to-day.
And Mrs. Flynn sat right there in a
white silk waist, a black skirt and Il
picture hat and heard this stuff read!
How would you enjoy position like
that? Then there We're some verses read.
verses that were so bad that it would be
high praise to refer to their literary quail
ity as strictly on the bum. -
Beware. be very ware. of entrusting
the goo-goo thought to white paper. 1t
will get you some day sure, and you will
feel like ripe tomato. "A. J. r.
THE LARGEST FLAGS
The largest two flags yet made, one
British, the other American. with hand
some STATS Slirrnc,lnfedg by doves OF peace