New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1904-04-01
An APRIL FOOL

There's something subtls IN tne hlr
That through my easement floats
Away with cumbrous things to wear;
WV e.e M the ear horse feels. swear.
His monthly dose OF oatss
know th. ground is spongy weti
! snirr the treach rous breeze;
with grippe" .aeh.. printed page is 'es'
I'm best indoors: I'm forty. yet
Strange lOngiags on me seize-
A-down the street trip. pert a maid
With roguish dewy eye,
And queer emotions me persuade
And still i.' with csreiessness arrnyed.
/ oft have passed her byl
Why is It that things far and near
Say. Leave your s office t3,i sfo annsar
I once did ridcule?
T" That t I'm IN an April fool
A monument IN the form OF a drinking fountain.
the gift OF the Hon. William Tebb has been erscted
at Burstow England. Cut on the front of tho
drinking trough is this inscription: I'm memory Of
the mute fidelity Of the four hundred thousand
horses killed and wounded at the call of their
masters during the South African War. lsssiao2 in
q cause of which they knew nothing this fountain
is erected by reverent fellow creature"
Ancient History-Church---I see some one has
been calling Grover Cleveland the Democrats
Moses. Gotham-Seems strange the Democratic
party clings to back numbers, WHAT 90 you
mean hs bGy.o i9 had 5n9 Jonah and now they're
after a Moses."-CY onkers Statesman.
Sir Horace Plunkett tells story OF his ranching
days in the West Riding into camp one evening.
he turned his horse loose and got some supper,
which was a vilely cooked meal, for COW
camp. Recognizing in the cook cowboy he had
formerly employed. Sir Horace said to him, You
were a way up hand. but cook you are no
account Why did you give up riding and take to
cooking9 What your qualifications. anyway"
Qualifications" he replied. why don't you know
I've got varicose veins?'
y.rxN-r
They called him Smith OF Utah.
For ne bore that mysterious name.
And he'd worked with cheer fuil many . year
So he counted his brides on his fingers
AS he sat by his Mormon hearth
Undoubtedly are the people. said he
''For the Smiths shall inherit tho earth
And why should the Browns and the Jonsses
For numerical conquest striveI
some forty or forty-fve.
with a hundred and thirty grandsons
There's JOY to the kith Of the triss of Smith.
For they shall inherit the earth
Let Roosevelt gasp in horror
When 1 marry another bride.
He dare not abuse whom he cannot accuse
rye sown 1.' with a solomon's wisdom
My seed IN land OF dearth.
And It's easy 70 see that it's owing to me
That Smith shall inherit the earth
They called him Smith of Utah.
For he bore that mysterious name,
And he never would shirk the heaven-sent work
OF multiplying the same.
He had texts from the Book OF Mormon.
He had maxims Of weight and worth.
Rut the truest Of all that he ever let fall
was Smiths shall inherit the earth
' --QIfe
young man deeply impressed with the great
amount of work accredited to DIR. Edward Everett
Hale asked the doctor day how he did II.
"since YOU are so much interested" said DR.. Hale.
81 will tell you. provided you keep 1t a secret.
IT promise" said the inquirer. with an air OF one
about to receive a remarkable revelation well,
to tell you the truth" said the DOCTOR with wink.
II don't do it,
Mrs simple NewleyweG-I want you to send
e.ound n gallon of midnight oil.
CfrOcer-Nidnght oil? Never heard OF It
'FWhv I'm sure that's the kind my husbands
mother said he always rned."-(Brooklyn Life.
Germany is cultvating a taste for Southern fruits
and vegetables. When the Kaiser cuts big. ius-
cious watermelon lust from Georgia" he win re-
greet more than ever his inability to realize his
dream OF visiting America.
PART OF A BIRD.
Fine feathers may not make fne birds
As we've been told, and still
Theyrs pretty sure. Just mark our wordA
To make at least . BILL