Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1904-06-18
WOES OF DRUG CLERKS
WHAT DISPENSERS OF MEDICINE
CONTEND WITH.
Questions Asked Policemen and Street
Car Conductors Declared dead
Easy" in Comparison.

Tell your troubles to a policeman has
long been an expression when a man was
bored by hearing the woes of another"
said local drug clerk the other evening"
but IL you would hear the woes Of man.
KIND hot from human lips just step behind
the prescription counter and listen to the
troubles 1 have to endure and the tales
have to listen to during my trick of duty,
Inc policeman has his troubles and the
street car conductor runs him a close sec
ond. Neither is, however a marker to the
poor drug clerk.
Got anything good for a cold?"
The speaker was man who appeared to
possess average intelligence. Did he have
anything for a cold? What is drug store
for? Well. the drug clerk proceeded to rat
tie on a number Of things he had found
to be good for bad cold and finally the
man decided he would step over to the
soda fountain and take lemonade. And
the drug clerk had not suggested such a
dose.
After the man with the cold had imbibed
his lemonade he returned to his first love-
the drug clerk-and proceeded to pour out
some more misery.
Went to a dance the other night, you
know" he began. I'm very smart
young man and after 1 had danced every
number on the menu / proceeded to stroll
into the cool and refreshing night air. Look
at me now. Amt a dream of delight7 Oh,
do such bright things. / suppose IL the
plumber would come along with a pail Of
hot lead would dip my finger into 1t to
see If 1t were really hot"
The poor drug clerk had to listen and
appear to like Ii.
Mister, 1 want a nickers with o. wepson
salts for my mamma chirped youngster,
as he handed over an empty bottle and incl
dentally knocked over half a dozen bottles
of perfume. He wanted to invest a nickel
and destroyed dollars worth OF stock
Good profit for the druggist don't you
think? The kid got the salts stole sponge.
carried away half a dozen almanacs and
card advertising little liver pills.
"Doctah, kin you tell me what's good 70
plutocracy pain in ma side? All done had
a mos mis'able time dis las night, deed
has
An old old black NANNY had ambled Into
the store and her expression was pain
full as are some Of Chauncey Depew's jokes.
She held her hand on the offending side and
groaned as the drug clerk proceeded to
mix some brown sugar and water to give
to her
How much is dis?"
'Oh. nothing. that will be all right"
THANK you, sah."
Asked why he did not charge for the
prescription the drug clerk sighed and saidi
'She didn't have any money She would
have stood me of. / know her. What's
the use darkening our books with bad ac-
counts?"
Patent Medicine Fiend.
The drug clerk looked across the store
as ain old man came in.
Great heavens, here comes another"
groaned the drug clerk.
Who's your friend?" asked the reporter.
"who is her responded the clerk. "he is
a patent medicine fiend. He buys every
patent medicine in the world that has the
words: Cures dyspepsia on the wrapper. ]
guess he is a dyspeptic all right: He al
ways reads the papers and the advertising
circulars that are thrown in his yard, and
fs they even hint at a cure for indigestion
no will hike out after a bottle of IT. He also
tries every free sample or everything, ana
II there is a patent medicine in the world
that this fellow hasn't been up against
then I miss my guess. Now listen:
Good morning. doctor" groaned the ap-
partition, 1t approached the clerk.
Good morning, Mr.. -. How do
you feel today?'
THAT was all the patent medicine fend
needed to open up his tale of woe.
oh tougher than the dickens Charlie"
he began. Have you got anything In tho
store that will stop an awful aching In my
neck? And I've felt so numb all day To-Day
that don't believe | can last much longer.
/ had an awful backache yesterday, but
that's better today. Don't much more than
get rid of one thing till another comes MY
teeth have been tryin' to worry me some
lately, too"
The drug clerk handed him small phial
of toothache drops and he ambled out
That's only one of a million that 1 hear
moment later he got into an argument with
a woman who was possessed of a small
slip of paper that she handed him :.
No you can't work that on on me.
doctor never saw that prescription. cant
do ANYTHING for you. You'll have to go
somewhere else" the clerk said to her.
She muttered something and walked out.
1.-The same old gag, remarked the dis
nenser of drugs. She had a fake pre-
scription for morphine and she came In 70
have the order of her favorite drug niieo
FOR a friend" She had forbed pre-
scription and had tried to work it or on
the clerk But he had been there before
The Samplers.
But the drug clerk does not hear all woe.
He has to be polite to the woman perfume
fend There are women In local society
who delight in visiting drug stores for the
purpose of sampling every make of perfume
in the house. They sometimes buy small
bottle but it is seldom. They Will snin
at the bottles. try a little on their hand
kerchiefs and ask the price Then they 60
to the next drug store.
The drug clerk has to also be oity
directory If he doesn't know where MN
Smiths Office is he Is ignorant II ne can
not say whether Mrs. Edgar Wiiliaps mas
moved within the last month he Is deVoio
of all sense. He must know
He has to be able to tell whether gro
Ger out In the west end has telephone or
not and IL he hasn't, why hasn't he?
He has to walk quietly behind the foun-
tain counter and hand out a little vfchy
water and ammonia to the boys who are
suffering from the effects of morning
following the night before" In his ace
he poses as life saver, and the boys" :
proceed to the Office with only thoughts OF
thankfulness in their hearts for the drug
clerk.
The drug clerk-poor dog-he has to know
1t ALL hear 1t all and bear II all. II he
q q a had drug clark :