Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1904-05-07
BUCKS NEW CLOTHES

| The Eye was small sheet ana was
printed on a press that took an i'm
preston with a loud slap.
We lived in the office-cost US no
rent as it was believed to be haunted
and took our meals wherever we hap
pened to find them.
We had been running along for sew
eral months when one night. as Buck
and lay on the floor smoking, he turn
ed to me and said:
II am in love"
"What1' exclaimed
II am in love, L say. Give me a
match"
He relighted his pipe. pulled awhile
and continued:
Finest looking woman you ever saw
fat, weighs about twice as much as
/ do, but she's beautiful. Never met
her until day before yesterday. Went
down to the bluff after a bucket OF
water. She and old Hillard's wife
were sitting near the spring eating
| lunch. 1 asked them If they didn't
want some water. Girl said she did.
Handed her a gourdful; sat down be-
side her. Won't you have some
| lunch? she asked Well, rather. 1
nibbled her cheese and crunched her
crackers and snatched the meat off
| the leg of a chicken. / found out her
name-Miss Cregg-Helen, at that. /
| have met her several times since then.
She gave me a poem for the Eye.
Wen print it, though it's tough Now,
don't object. Well print her matter
now, and If we are ever married I'll
choke her OFF"
1 went out into the country, and
upon returning. after a stop of several
| days, Buck told me that he was en-
| gagged.
This Is nonsense" said 1.
"How so?" he asked In surprise.
'Why, you have got nothing to get
married on
Get married on credit" said he.
That's all very we'll. but you've got
no clothes, and there's not n man in
town would credit you with a suit"
"Oh, the question of a suit of clothes
is settled. The county clerk will give
SO for printing the delinquent tax list,
and with that amount of money can
get first class outfit. l went down to
see the proprietor OF the wooden mill,
and he told me that for So he would
sell me enough jeans TO answer my
modest purposes"
went with him. The jeans was of
a yellowish cast and was woven in
ribs that were almost as coarse as
grid.ron, and, still worse, it was greasy
and smelled like wet dog.
We printed the tax list, and Buck
took the goods to a tailor. The old
fellow turned away and held his nose
when it was unrolled
IN take EN-" the tailor said. 'but
you must have the cloth shrunk first
That's all right. Let me put them
on. and they may shrink until they get
tired. Push the work on as fast as you
can, for an exceedingly important
event depends on these clothes. I'll be
around to try them on tomorrow"
Early one cold but beautiful morning
we hired shackly old hack and set
out for the residence of the brides fa-
Their a drug clerk had given US box
of cigars, and onward we went gayly
smoking.
l think that they were the worst
cigars 1 have ever seen. They burned
like Il piece Of hickory, and when we
attempted to knock off the ashes it was
rare that the cigar escaped being bro
ken in two.
Buck, you are sure the girl loves
you?'' asked.
"Of course 1 am. Do you reckon
she's marrying me for money!"
You are not going to compel her to
sleep in the office, are your
mo; she'll stay with Mrs.-forget
the name-until 1 can sorter fix up a
little"
But suppose you do not succeed in
fixing upT"
We'll, then. she'll either have to
stay with Mrs. SLOUGH or go back
home. What the deuce is that odor?
Whew! / never smelled anything as
bad. 1t almost takes my breath
Its your Clothes" l answered.
"Why do you persist in making fun
OF my wardrobe? From the very first
you have spoken ungenerously of these
garments. You have not only spoken
Ill of their appearance, but have SLAM
dered them by declaring that they
smell bad. AS n single and consequent
" thoughtless man could bear in
suits, but as a married man-as a man
who feels the responsibilities of life
of indignities. BY George, what is It
that smells so?'
Just then Buck lifted the blanket,
and a volume of smoke rolled out. We
stopped the horses and jumped out OF
the hack.
The tails OF Bucks coat We're burned
of, having caught from one of our
hickory cigars.
creek or bury myseifT'
There was in my mind 4 sharp fight
between the ludicrous and the sympa-
thetic, but finally pity babe the ludi-
crous lie down.
1T Is unfortunate" said 1. but not
fatal. 1t is but little farther to the
house of your father-in-law''-
stop" he said, holding up his hand.