Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1904-05-13
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y
you call for help1She-Would you
need it?-Smart Set.
Mrs. Buye-Have you any low even
ing gowns? Saleslady-Low cut or
low price. madam?-Boston Post.
The Debutante-I think she's just as
pretty as she can be. The Wallflower
Most girls are.-Detroit Free Press.
Between the acts: Governess-
Marjorie, have you done crying? Mar
Hjorie-No, haven't. I'm only resting!
Punch.
Didn't you feel like killing the
waiter when he stood you up for a
tfp? Eyes. felt like giving him
no quarter."-Cornell Widow.
$50 Jagsby has absconded. Another
good man gone wrong" Nonsense.
It's merely bad man who has been
found out. t."-Philadelphia Ledger.
Mrs. Wackum - How did that
naughty boy of yours hurt himself?
Mrs. Snapper-That good little boy Of
yours hit him on the head with a
brick.-Tit-Bits.
$50 you think your country will be
lost?" Il haven't quite made up my
mind," answered the King of Corea,
whether it is going to be lost, stray
ed, or stolen. en."-Washington Star.
Ma-Oh, how cruel! In India they
whip children with young palm-trees.
Willie Huh! Don't you spank me
with your palm? And it amt such a
young palm. either.-Boston Post.
Marriage" remarked the moralizer,
sis lottery" "Yes," rejoined the de-
moralizer. ''but it's one Of the games
of chance that clergymen do not try to
discourage. e."-Cincinnati Enquirer.
Passenger Why don't you pro-
nounce the names Of the stations so
that we can understand them? Brake
man-What do you expect for thirty
dollars month"; college professor?
: He-Yes, remembered you at once
as the girl was engaged to in the
mountains some seasons ago. ''What
a remarkable memory for faces you
have. haven't you" "No-for rings"
II wonder If he's really of any use
in the world" remarked the girl in
blue. 'Oh, yes" replied the practical
girl in gray; "he can be used to make
other men, Jealous" Chicago Evening
Post. ...-...
'Are you at all familiar with PlatoY
asked Mrs. Oldcastle. mo. that's one
thing Josiah always blames me for.
He says I never make real close
friends with anybody
Ledger.
Kate-Charley and Bessie are very
fond Of each other. Bertha-Rather
hay they are both very fond of Char
ley. It is a case of two souls with but
II single thought, you know.-Boston
Transcript.
Mamma-Why did you take little
brothers candy and eat it up? Why
didn't you ask him if you could have
it? Little Alfce-Why, did, mamma.
and he said 1 couldn't. t."-Cincinnati
Commercial
He-I suppose you hoId that man
should never deceive his wife? She
Oh, no, I wouldn't 60 as far as that.
How would it be possible for the aver
age man to get wife if he didn't de-
ceive her?-Boston Transcript.
Detained: Mrs. Smith-We missed
you so much at our party! Mrs. Jones
And was so vexed when couldn't
come! You see, our cook had company
unexpectedly, and she needed us to fill
out the card tables.-Detroit Journal.
A
1 a. m.eI say, old chap, isn't this a lit
tie late for you to be out? Aren't you
afraid your wife will miss you? Enpeck
Il hope she will, but she can throw
pretty straight for a woman.-Chicago
News.
Mrs. Colls-And when you told him
I was married did he seem to be sor-
ry? Friend-Oh. yes; he said so quite
frankly! Mrs. Colls-Did he really?
Friend-Yes, indeed-he said he was
extremely sorry. although he didn't
know the man personally!
mo, thank you," said Miss De Mure.
II don't care to meet any new young
men," my" exclaimed Miss Gaddie.
"You are select all of a suddenr' "No,"
replied Miss De Mure, glancing dream
lily at her new ring. 'I've merely been
selected all Of a sudden.-Philadelp
Press.
Another brute: Mrs. Pretty-Isn't it
strange? Mrs. Beauti has not put on
mourning for her husband. Mr.. Pret-
ty-I understand that her late hus-
band particularly requested that she
should not. Mrs. Pretty-The brute! I
suppose he knew how lovely she would
look in it.-Pick-Me-Up.
"You ought to have place in grand
OPERA" remarked the sarcastic passen-
ger who was trying to read. "Oh,
don't know" replied the fat party
across the aisle, who was giving an
imitation of a song. "I've got a pace
in Grand Rapids that's good enough
for me.-Detroit Journal.