The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1904-01-21

Mr.. Smooth is q careful student, who
ioes nothing prectpitately. To render
nto ineligible terms the enigmaticai
characters was no child's play. After
line months of almost incessant labor
he had satisfied himself that his trans
ation was perfect. The story is inter-
spersed with songs and odes to love.
These shall omit, having no desire to !
wave red rag at the irascible bulls
who hate poetry.
According to Mr.. Smooth the in
scription reads, in part, as follows:
"One morning B'Um-Rel was smok-
ing cigarette, and rocking himself in
the royal rocking chair, manufactured
for him by the Grand Catar-
act Furniture Manufacturing Co. He
was also having heart to heart
talk with himself. This king business
he said, 'is not what it is cracked up to
be. am king, and my salary is about
100000 simoleons year. That may
look big to some, but there are at least
three hundred of my loyal subjects who
sneeze at such a pitiful sum. And
because there is only one of nae can't
even join a union and strike for higher
wages. And if l strike by my lonesome
Pm done for, since there are about
100000 able-bodied strike breakers in
Egypt who would be glad to jump at
my chance.-There goes young Rippoo
the Hittite, who boasts he can spend
two simoleons to NY one, and whose
father has money to burn, but is too
stingy to smoke. Confound them bothl
Ana there comes young Whang-Doodle
strutting up the street, with his high
collar and disdainful air. He is walk
ing diamond mine They say he never
sends his undergarments to q laundry
for fear Mr.. Washee-W Washee will steal
the diamond buttons and skip back to
China to live in affluence ever after.
Old Whang- Doodle is trust promoter.
He is also a victim Of insomnia. On a
sieepless night he builds u trust; in the
forenoon following he sells the shares
at par; in the afternoon he turns bear,
and the way he knocks down values
would make you think full-grown
earthquake was in operation. Then,
completely tired out, he recuperates BY
sleeping 48 hours at stretch. Mean
time his confidential agent spreads q
rumor to the effect that the "Old Man"
is dangerously sick, which still further
depresses the market. Then the agent
being next to his job, instructs his myr-
midons to buy everything in sight-on
the quiet, of course. Result: Old
Whang- Doodle clears some ten OF
fifteen millions and still owns the trust
Oh, it's grand! It beats the king business
alf to smithereens. The old scalawae
has broadly limited to me that it will bt
money in my pocket to make his
daughter queen of Egypt. But not ye
for while. Not at least while mJ
credit is good. And not while Uncle
ESimon-he of the three golden balls,
charges only 20 per cent interest
B q month. Even king may have some
self-respect left.
Nevertheless, 1 can't close my eyel
to the fact that these confoundet
plutocrats are menace to the Lord
anointed. They put me in the shade
I am still the leader of the Fou
Hundred, and that at least is some
thing. 1 won't starve while they Civ
me full swing in the social Whirl. Thei
vanity is bread and butter to me
Their snobbery enables me to keep no,
: head above water. But when it come
to spreading it on thick they overlay m
j altogether. Mrs. Whoopitup, the wifi
, of the rich Philistine banker, merchant
} mine operator, shipbuilder, pipe liner
railroad magnate, street car line owner
: MORTGAGE of the solar system, vic
regent of the gods in this and othe
, worlds, etc, thinks it only trifle hard
} ly worth speaking of to blow in 5000
) 600 simoleons for the pleasure of enter
j. tanning three or four hundred intimat
{ friends-and some twenty or thirt
; persons with more than ordinary men
: tai endowments to keep the crow
from dying of ennuil As for her hui
$ band-well, he's without q peer. Oh
!. Whang- Doodle is but q financial pigm
/ when compared with him. Why, NJ
: Doo-Little, the walking delegate of th
. Associated Workers Of Egypt, who ha
been victorious in seventeen strikes