The Rice belt journal. (Welsh, Calcasieu Parish, La.) 1900-19??, 1904-10-07
An Editorial "Send Off,"

The way l hearn it, one O. them
thar newspaper fellers what has allus
been a wumeran teetOtlar an {
mocker O PONIES O pashun', up anC
gifts innOcerlated with that thar loves
titful fey ar twelve miles frum a body
er acQuer purer, an his autymobce
tire punchured!
Seem tibet he's surrounded by tn
eIemy's arms, he throws hisself inter
tn face O providence (het not bein
her nance. locks the gates behinC
him an gifts shot Whar it'll do hin
tn most good!
Reference is made ter Brother HanF
Somers, him as edits that thar nooS
paper over at Sasafras Corners, anc
Miss Henriette Seiders, the schoo
marin, her as whom we bow ter il
spite O our rheumatic an tight tttin
oyeralls!
Frum now On she's his'n an he's
hern, an if he don't split Their kin
dim as lie oughter, all she's got
do is ter lay down tn law an the,
statootes therein provided!
And tharby hangs er tale, as tn
meat kleayer said t. tn chopin
block after Their dorg had passed
through tn skissage faktury. But
jest why them Missoury editurs should
be speckiatin is more'n l kin see, fel
every man, no matter how he's biz
BLOWN his foghorn, gifts sumbody sun
! day t put linseed poltises onto his
nuralgy, provided he don't wait sc
long tn bait all gifts dried up an omen
ticin' no more!
Fer years now Brother Hank has
bin putin his own cat out nights an
goin' round braggin' thet no wumeran
eyer'd git him cornered inter a mess
O cbippendale ferniture in his stockin
feet! No, stree!
Ev'ry time er good-lookin' wum-
Grand come prosclltin' Ground his
bailerWick, he'd sic Their office dore
onto her an take fer tn bowels o hi:
sanktum sanktorlum, scarder than a
| gopher what he'd got his tail decap.
ertated in er steel trap!
But tn good Lord knows best, an
one day Brother Somers he seen a
wumeran tibet set tn whole dummed
universe t. singin' "Bedelia," an SIGH
like poplar musk! Then he begin ter
Quotin' potry, killed his dorg an got
religiOuSer'n all git out!
Well, t make long story some
less'n spool or rope, he up an got
married an they do say down in Mis-
soury he dun erbout right considerin
tn gal, exceptin' he oughter seasoned
Their wind t. Their shodn lamb sost al,
| tn boys wouldn't a swallowed thel
stoar teeth gaspin' fer surprise when
tn weddin' bells got ter dom tn
ding-ding!
When they went on ther tower they
cum by the great lakes, somehow Ell
ruther, to Shicago. They cum By
water sosts they could be seasick ir
each others arms fur the fust (and
last) time! Well, him wantin' t. show
her off ter excuse hisself fer moi
askin' our opinion, he brung tn lady
Ground fer our inspeckshun. We ain,
got nuthin' t say, bein' as how he
seen her fust, exceptin' tibet she's 9
bit o femerninity tibet makes fellei
think O. tn time when his OF wum
eran said 81 will" and he wilted. She's
tn kind err jooliy tibet amt goin' t
let her Oh man git loansum wastin
his affekshuns on no dorg!
Well, agin', Their boys all erlong tn
line sort er. got out an handed ZEN
bokets with one hand and tied car
t. EN- with the other hand, jest t. make
'em remember what twas they WIZ
celebratin'. Down t. St. Joseph, Mis-
soury, Bill Williams, bein' no relation
o. ourn and probly glad of it, he pu
err bell onter 'em and scared 'em over
tn state line inter tn hands of Ernes
McGatfey, him bein' no respecter Of
newly married folks hisself. Aftel
fritnin' tn life most outen 'em show
in 'em what tn tunnel caved in ant
whar tn Masonic Temple turned
round, we cast 'em lose ter cavor'
erboHt till Their money Civ out!
Then we got EN- aboard a editoria
milne and sent 'em back t. ldissoury
Here's hopin' thet nothin' never viii
git atween that thar love O them an
them or Missoury sunsets, whar tn
roses Is painted on the varikolorec
background in glorious splendor! An
may they allus read in each utherE
eyes tibet: "WhomsomeVer lives true
life is boun' ter love true Lowell"
This bein' erbout tn wust thet's biz
/ done t. 'em, we bein' all busted W
with brain rheumatic, we're hopin
this'll hold 'em fer awhile.
UNCLE BY.
The most stin6rg insult ever hand
ed a man is when an insurance agent