New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1904-04-25
WHEN a MAID MARRIES.
Interfering Parents Precipitate Unhappy
Unions. SAYS Miss Hart.

The latest contribution to the marriage problem
comes from the pen OF Lavnia Hart c'yvhen a
Maid Marries." Dodd. Mead & Coz This book de-
fines Itself as discussion OF certain vital prob
lens IN the home.'' and contains some chapters
that might be read with considerable profit by the
persons concerned
According TO this author. difficulties innumerable,
though not insurmountable. beset the path Of the
maid who marries. While yet the brink Of
matrimony. and before she Jet foot in the IN
known country beyond the maid finds herself quite
probably. at cross purposes with her parents Only
in rare instances do they wholly approve Of the
their daughter wishes TO marry. and. whether
they right wrong. the situation is likely TO
be trying for all concerned
To be tactfuI is the only means OF parental vic
tory says Miss Hart Nothing makes for expan-
sion with a girls pride and independence Ike an
offer Of eternal devotion and a fat OF her own
But tact will succeed where command will fail;
suggestion will go further than argument; direction
VIII prove better than dictation.
There parents who do not consider ways and
means. They consider only their wishes. and
exercise the prerogatives which their conception Of
pa-enthood gives them. They neither urge their
daughters nor consult them. They merely announce
the ultimatum that you shall not marry that
man" This method usually is attended with re-
morse Sometimes the girl runs away to marry him
anyway. Sometimes she mOurns and sickens and
dies. and IN some Instances she remains
old maid all her life and lets her parents
take OF her. So the parents utimatum is be-
coming almost extinct and we find the latter day
species evircing a willingness TO talk things over.
one Of the best means OF bringing things 70 n
climax and insuriug speedy marriage is open oppo-
sition. Threats and mandates and insults to her
lover excite a girls sympathy for him. Nine times
OF ten the man who is forbidden the house sees
the girl outside. The majority OF their mutual
friends viii take their part and make opportunities
for them. The tricks OF romance appeal to the
girl Her family array themselves in her mind as
antagonists. When this state OF affairs is reached
efforts and arguments. be they the soundest and
best intenuoned. futile. As tie breach with
her family widens the bond with her lover grows
closer Many miserable marriages that might have
been averted have resulted from Just such bonds
Of exaggerated sympathy. which come to be habit
and are mistaken by the participants for love.
Wise parents will avoid violent Means also they
viii have more confidence in the divinng power Of
love and IN the natural feminine instincts Of their
daughters Give the young folks time and oppor-
unity. An unworthy surely will betray him
SELF unless he De allowed 10 be under Of
the reaction from opposition Give a thief rope
enough and he viii hang himself. Give a sutton
clear field mot failing TO keep a careful, though
Seemingly careless eye upon his manRuvres) and
lie VIII prove the man he is.
A sirl who loves what good and noble and
sincere inaUuctivey will discover the presence Of
faint IN the character Of the who her
Despite the battered age Of the axiom that Love
Is blind there flaws in its logic. Infatuation
may be blind. but love is wide awake TO the verge
OF Insomnia There is eye SO vg.lant that
OF the woman who loves. so quick. no
oerstanding tuned - every subtle change OF
expression ana meaning.
IN the case Of a girl VINO is fascinated rather
than IN love, time likewise Will be her savior, for
gard Ike abundance OK association
lline. then, should De the compromise between
Pa-etS s--d d,tAslteIs- NCt however time during
Which al comm unlcatOn between The TWO lovers
should De cut OF. whether because ot youth or
poverty. or faults 70 which parents take exception.
SuCh d probation Is constant temptation 10
ctandestne communication, and the lovers have
the consciousness Of certain moral rights II the
matter uphold them II the objection be that
they are too young. separation Will not age them
more quickly. Il il be that they are afflicted with
mend IL II he be struggling Tor better financial
position he Will gain 1t more quickly Tor her IN
ings which make him an impossible sultor, the surs
and only way 10 convince the girl OF his faults
remove her from them
OF the familiar problem. W no snail be boss p
with the consciousness that they were born 10
boss, and that most girls in the same situation
that they have made up their minds TO be boss.
The attitude OF the man Is a relic OF prehistoric
matter OF seIf-defence- She thinks that she must
either boss or be OOsseG, and chooses tho former
Yet the man or woman Is not yet born VINO -
can any one set himself 70 rule another
The real head OF a household Is the one VINO
takes that place by works rather than by words.
VINO rules by example rather than precept. who
guides rather than shoves. who Ills eIn@I EenCles
fbo rpspoIs bilitles providing tho whercwithal aud
plotting tie household clear Of moral and material
pitfalls. Rarely is a man or woman equipped
least both OF them make one good boss TWO
heads are better than one. two hearts are bigger
t5Sn one: two souls are Drawer than one There
&c --r-erpth in union. but house with boss is
5,,i5a5 against Itself The boss stands alone. ana
the rest OF the family stand on the depisss'"- IL
the ideal home there Is no DOSE