River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1904-03-31
" What q
Bears Will Do
Uncle Jase Settles the Question
With a Tale of INCL: Splitter.



Jase out O. the three-legged cheer where
he sot. and he says, sort o. as if he was
mad and sort o as if he was goln 10
take Uncle Jase By the neck:
1--we always believed they'd 90 IL,
says he, and I've always stuck TO 1t ana
areyfed the strongest kind that they'd
do it, SAYS he, but / see now that they
won't, and take it all back!' says he.
Il had always stood up ag'in Ellis Sam
sayin' that they would do it, cause l
Thought I knowed 'em bout as well as
the next Teller, havin' trapped 'em and
ghot 'em and had rough and tumbles
with 'em, up hill and down dale, helter
skelter through the scrub, and ker-
gploshity-splosh knee deep across the
sWamps. fer more than 40 year, and
they hadn't never done it to me, and
never knowed o. their doin' it to any
one else, SO | always stood up az in ElIs
Sam on his pint that they would do 1t,
but ne stuck to it like woodtick to
a waller coon dog And he was dom
of it this time, over to the Eddy, settin'
on the shoebox and layin' of his argy-
fyin' down fer sartin.
"Do it?' says he. Why, sure as pow
der they'll do it, Every time they git the
chance. Bears don't like nothin' better
than to chaw a man fer dinner, pears
don't says he. Do it.? says he y
course they'll do it,
"'Pishn says l. Bears won't do it!
Bears won't eat man no more than |
Will! says /.
""They won't, hay?' says Uncle Jase,
cuttin' in from where he sOt Wiggiln
on the three-legged cheer, and keepin
an eve on Simon, who was layin' on the
counter with his head restin' on roll
o. calico, trade not bein' particularly
hummin' jAt then.
"'They won't, hey? says Uncle Jase.
We'll, says he, takin' sOmethin' outen
his pocket and holdin it up betwixt his
fingers. Here's somethin' that says
they will, Dan1.' says he. "Tain't nothin'
but a butt6n-a shiny bracs button
but it's primy fishy evidence that they'll
do it, says he.
Ellis Sam he frightened up and
looked at me as if he was sorry fer
me. and he says:
"Aha! says he. How did you come
10 git it, Uncle Jase? says he.
"'That button says Uncle Jase, was
on the soier coat O. my old pap's Uncle
Splitter when he come over here with
the Britishers to fight ag'in US fellers
time o. the revolution. Uncle Splitter
was always sorry he fit on t'other side,
and he said he'd neveEa' done it if he'd
ONLY had an inklin' o what nice folks
we was over here, and SO when he came
up after the war and settled in the Knob
country folks took sech likin' to him
that they never said nothin' ag'in his
wearin' that soier coat o his'n with the
brass buttons on it, And this here is
one o EN-
Uncle Jase had been talking slower
and slower and lower and lower, all the
time Wigglin' and keepin' his eyes onto
Simon. and then he shet up student and
with a snap. Then me and Ellis Sam
looked over to Simon, and we see he had
got up and was fastenin' the kiver down
on the pail o. loose chawin' that al
ways sets on the counter, and it looked
to us as if he had remembered that Uncle
Jase always got sort o absent minded
seemed to forgit that the terbacker
wasn't there, like almanacs, to help his
self to.
$50 when we see Simon fastenin' of
the liver on 10 the pail o loose chawin'
we knowed that Uncle Jase d be dis
couraged, and that the history o that
soier button ID more than likely be lost.
AS fer me, l didn't care so much, fer
wasn't lookin' fer no evidence ag'in
my argyfyin' that bears wouldn't do it,
but Ellis Sam he was disappointed, and
he hauls out his new plug o. sweet ter
hacker and hands it to Uncle Jase and
says:
"'FIave a chaw. Uncle Jase?'
Uncle Jase bein' particularly fond O
sweet plug, he cheered up like the sun
comm from behind a cloud, took an
amazin' chaw often Ellis Sam s plug, and
started right in to make history ag'in.
Then, O. course his absent mindedness
took holt on him, and he stuck ELS Sam S
plug into his pocket.
Ives, yes!' says he. when Uncle
Splitter come up after the war and set
tied in the Knob country, folks took
sech likin to him that they"never said
nothin ag'in his wearin' that British
err sojer coat o. his'n with the brass
buttons on it. Particularly they didn't
after he fetched in the wildcat and the
fox, one day.
HE wasn't out after wildcat nor
fox, neither. He was jest trampin the
woods with his eye peeled fer bear, but
bear didn't seem to care to have him
git his eye on to 'em, and they laid low.
So he sot down on to a log and lit his
pipe, and was smokin' away, GRIMM
to think how skeert all the bears was of
him, and yit mad to know that they
was, when a big red fox come trottin'
out o. the bushes and went skitin' past
Uncle Splitter like a streak o grease.
Thinkin' that he mowt as we'll take
a fox skin home if he couldn't do no
better, Uncle Splitter hauled up to put
a bullet into that one, when the fox got
behind big chestnut tree and didn't
come out into sight ag'in. Uncle Splitter
stepped round the tree to git bead on
the fox and seen its brush disappearin'
round t'other side o the tree. He fol-
Tered it on his tiptoes, and it KEEP goin'
on, and so save his pesky gizzard. as
Uncle Splitter used to say, he couldn't