The San Francisco call., 1904-04-24

wv ancient and more or less
venerated institution, the
matrimonial state, 1t might
be said that in some respects 1t resem-
bles the righteous flea which no man
pursueth-with very gratifying success.
Matrimony, like the other venerable
and time-worn institution to which we
have referred. is seldom to be found
where we look for it. More than one
man has been compelled to lay in
supply of sackcloth and ashes because
of his too confident pursuit Of both
these elusive species
This was the experience of Harold.
whose career we will now unfold, IL it
is not too badly creased. Harold had
an excellent reputation as a matrimo-
nial hoodoo in the town of Stubbins-
vile. If any ambitious girl in the
place happened to be dreaming of do
mestic bliss with an o1eander in a blue
tub on the front porch she Immediately
changed her mind when Harold hove
IN sight, and began to consider the
joys of life in a nunnery.
1t is impossible to give any adequate
reason for this deplorable state of af-
fairs. 1t must be accepted, like the
north pole and the ideal candidate for
the Presidency and the absolutely hon.
est man; we have never seen any of
these things, but we know that they
must exist somewhere. It's the same
way with Harolds influence on the
matrimonial expectations Of the female
portions of the population of Stubbins-
vile. No one knew why IT was bad,
but the fact remained in the stubborn
manner peculiar to unpleasant facts
like debts and bulldogs in watermelon
patches and other limitations Of the
liberty Of free born American citizens.
1t was certainly not Harold's fault
that he was such a blight. From his
earliest manhood he had been an as
piring candidate for matrimonial
honors and if there was girl in
Stubbinsville whom he had not in
vited to come and go hand in hand
with him down the stream of life
1t was because she could outrun Har-
aid. He was constant. in season and
out OF season, knocking at all the
doors on his beat and finding most of
them locked. 1t was no fault of his
that he was not married three or four
times a week, and II all of his ex-
pectations could have come within
thousand miles of realization he
would have been married so long ago
that he would have got over telling
his friends what a bright thing Har-
old Jr. said last night. The first time
that Harold essayed the running
broad jump to the matrimonial realm
he was met by the old gag about ap-
preciating the honor and all that sort
of thing, but that a previous engage
ment would prevent the acceptance
of his fiattering offer, and so on, and
so on. However, the young lady In
question assured him that she would
try to be sister to him.
Harold was more or less cast down
by this unexpected ending to his
manly efforts, but he was not dis
couraged. He remembered the old
saying which originated with the
snake editor of the Eden Times that
the rejection of contributions implies
no lack of merit. and determined to
have another try at it. The next time
he was little more diplomatic and
opened up the campaign by sounding
the young lady on her general
attitude toward matrimony. When he
was assured that she had no partic-
ular prejudice against the state as
such, although she had never tried it
herself, he made the proposition to
her that they organize a trust and
pool their holdings. The young lady
was evidently more or less surprised
in fact. she did not seem to have con-
sidered that Harold held enough