Northern Wisconsin advertiser. [volume] (Wabeno, Wis.) 1898-1925, 1904-09-15
TRIBULATIONS OF A GREAT
GRANDFATHER.
Enins " Va. Sent . ,64.

Elkins, w. Va, Sept. 2. "a.
Dear Sonny-Had to have breakfast u
bed this mornin' all on account of job
little Storey EIkins put mp on me. His
grandchildren gave what they called Q
Trough Rider German to the RepublH
cans of Randolph County and got me to
lead il in the suit | wore when ok.
Hickory" licked the British at New Or
leans in 1915.
You ought TO have seen the what-you-
call them favGrs-saddles, brides, boots
spurs. ridin' gaunticts. guns and pistols
enough to arm a cavalry regiment or
trainin' day. Then they fitted me up
with all the fxin's of Colonel of the
Rough Riders, mounted me on fiery I'M
tanned hobby horse named Bucephalus
and sent me prancin' up and down the
line of shoutin' kids with fiddles playin'
Garry and Steve Elkins yellin'
like a Comanche Indian.
For about five minutes | was 1t. Grim
visaged Dick caperin' in my lady's cham
Der in all the pomp and circumstance of
glorious war wasn't in it with melville
my breath held out. Suddenly. ouch! my
legs went back on me, the room turned
turtle, as they say in the navy. and the
next thing your Uncle Henry knew he
was in bed with hot bottles all arounc
him and the doctor feedin' him whisky
with spoon.
They say a man has more than 2OG
bones in his body. and | know it, for
I've an ache in every one of them.
But the bodily pains amt the worst
that came of my leadin' that Rough
Rider German. Between the over-exer-
ton and the whisky l had the dodgasted-
est nights sleep you ever knew. dream
ed dream worse than Nebuchadnezzar
1t seemed like | was visitin' you at Rose
mount. We had spent the eve'ing tryin'
unsuccessfulIy to find some issue that
hadn't been firmly and irrevoca bly," set
tied right by the Republicans. and you
proposed that we should go out an cool
our fevered brows on the pier in the
moonlight.
l was just beginnin' to quote poetry
from N. p. Willis about the soft light
that breaks across the lakes, when you
whispered, 'Sh. Look! By Dave Hill,
if there amt gold fish," | looked, but
couldn't see anything but fresh water
sucker giving forth putrescent glow as
he hoated by.
Before | could interfere, you shouted,
III catch him. and plunged headlong
into the murky tide.
That was the last / saw of you. For
hours | stood rooted to that spot, perrin
into the watery depths. You never came
up. Only bubbles, and still more bubbles.
Just like your speech of acceptance.
At last l pulled myself together and
yelled for help. Dave Hill was the first
to appear upon the scene. | see him now
wearin' red night cap ON his head and
the destinies of the Democracy in the
hollow of his hand
Boys" said Dave, as soon as he took
in the situation and summoned the Ex-
ecutive Committee, boys. this is a ser;-
Gus occasion. We've got to get a new
figure head for the ticketr'
What's that?" says |. whats the
matter with your Uncle Henry? What
becomes of the duties and powers de-
volvin' on me under the Constitution in
case Of the removal, death, resignation
or inability of the PRESIDENT
You should have seen the look Of pity
that came into that good mans eyes.
Mind you, it was all dream will
never again believe that he never knew
the touch of love, nor maiden's hand in
his'n. "Nunky," says he, "Nunky, go
home and go to bed! The Constitution
refers to Vice President-elect You are
not elected yet, and it's long shot that
you won't be. If there had been any
chance Of that I'd have headed the ticket
myself"
Before I could demonstrate he waived
me aside, saying go home, Nunky, and
tend to your business signing checks"
That made me so mad | woke up.
That's what one gets for leadin' germans
at eighty-one.
Your affectionate uncle.
HENRY GASSAWAY