davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1904-06-03
..Good Stories.
-. TOLD BY coNGREssMEN =

Washington Times; Senator Culhoraan
OF Texas, who sun tarries IN Washing
ton. tells of II buchanan who was willing
to take his chances for heaven on the
fact that he was u Lutheran and u DEM
ocrat.
This citizen from Dutchland." say tho
senator. was a powerful good citizen
and a regular and consistent voter at
every election, always planting IA square,
toed democratic vote. At one election
when things were generally believed to
be remarkably close some of the republic
was called, and made every effort to con-
thinking and ballot-casting. The old man
listened with every attention and he like
wise threw his lips over several glasses of
campaign promoter, but he couldn't le
screwed UP To the point where he would
give the slightest hope that he was will
ing to switch over 80 the republicans.
FINALLY one of the p~ersuaders made the
bad break Of telling him that the good
people of the district, the Christian poo
pie. were fast joining the republicans and
that he ought to 20 along w..h thora. This
was too much tor buchanan. ana nc an
swored:
"'Ses. de goot bcoplos vas soin' aroun'
init a bottle Of Vishy am schaEglu' ue
voters vot butts in dtluokratic dieket.
Dots de goot Peoples, vas i'll? l vas born
a lutheran, an bees Il dimekrat all mine
life. l bees Il Lutheran an dimerkTat Ill
! goes dead. am of dat dhoen't dni.es mo
Ter heaven, Why den shUst let en- Vhrip. l
don't Nhote dc republican some Dimes
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1904-06-03
DRINKING lob Filled.

every man to his job was the motto of
Captain Evan p. Howell OF Atlanta, Ga,
when he was editor of the "Constitution,'
said a Washington newspaper writer, who
did his early work on tina journal Il
will never forget the calldowu the captain
gave me one day when i had shown UP
considerably the worse for a three DAYS
Indian fighting expedition. He called lne
into his den and read the riot act in tyis
way
Been on another bat. eli? Now, boy,
l just want TO say to YOU shat this Joint
Is run on systematic principles. There
is q job for every man, aud every man
must stick to his job. Bin |iiernphin does
the praying, Henry Brady the sehcmlng,
and, by CAD, sir, l do the drinking for the
whole outfit. l am not ready yet 10 turn
this job over to you or any other mem
Der of the force. If you can't les it
around town here and write your stuff
without drinking. then YOU mad best
throw up your job before requested to.
do so
Il didn't give the captain an opportunity
to jump all over me again, hut | let him
go ahead and fill his own job"
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1904-06-03
Mof Course He pied.n

A farewell story by Representative Rob-
inson of Indiana was this:
Good old DIR. Richard Johnson. oil my
state, was in the habit of interspersing
his conversation with of course He'd
bring of course in with great frequency,
but he was finally cured of the habit by
a funny thing he said in court, where he
had been called to explain some accounts
which were being gone over in the settle-
ment of an estate-one of his patients who
had died.
The doctor was in a ~hurry-always was
and talked very rapidly, never thinking
that he lost a good deal of time by threw
ing in his of course He began explaining
to the court, by saying, II the court will
look over this bin you will find that Mr..
Smith was taken sick, and. of course, he
sent for me to visit him professionally, of
course. ] did visit him, sir. of course,
and foundh him in a very dangerous condi-
ton. l prescribed for him. of course, and
this is the prescription, or the bill for the
prescription, of course, which he took.
And OF course he died
The good old doctor was rigged so un-
mercifully about his and of course he
died that he never used it again. When
talking TO him after that if anyone said
of course his face would flush and his
anger could be easily detected"
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1904-06-03
CONTINUED Next week.)
Has Roosevelt Heard Of Him?

This pass is for yourself and family
l see" said the conductor. Where is
the fanllly?"
Here they are" replied the passen-
ger who had presented the document.
All the people in this end of the
carr"
Pretty near it. 1 guess. There are
sixteen OF U.s."
do you want to make me believe
this is all your family?"
No. sir; this isn't quite all of the
family. One couldn't come"
But, great Scott
Il knew o wouldn't believe 1t. SIR
interrupted the passenger, and I
brought the family bible along. Here
is the register, o see. I'm John
Henry, the father. This is Mary Jane,
my Wife. That's Caroline, the next one
is Benjamin, h one in the next seat
IS
Look here. Have you any evidence
to SHOW
Yes, sir. 1 didn't forget that, either.
Here are atidavits from the county
Judge and two of my neighbors to
prove that all these are our children"
The conductor took the documents
and glanced them over.
After you've read them" pursued
the father. producing a printed slip,
will you kindly look at %tliis?"
What is it?"
ITS President Roosevelt's speech on
race sui"
AT this point the conductor wilted.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1904-06-03

Bravo! Placide." he exclaimed. clap
ping his hands. his rugged face aglow
with martial joy. His c~ountenance
changed. however, when his eye fell
upon the cringing figure of Metamora,
the commandant of perf1dious memory.
You, too. Matamora? What, not
yet killed! Hast saved thy precious
skin again? More's the pity. And dc
you think to merit the respect accorded
manhood n good faith? By the
name of honor, no. Here boy" and he
beckoned to the negro slave who stood
at his elbow. do you a k yon dis
IGNORED weapon M break 1t before
the troops"
And Matamora. full glad to escape
with life and limb. willingly yielded up
his sword to the black who snapped it
under his foot, obedient to Bienville's
nod, than cast the tainted pieces from
him
Upon the long march to Biloxi, de la
Mora was the life of the command. and
drew to our campfire every ~straggler
Who could make a fair excuse to come.
He knew good songs. and he sang
them WELL: he knew good cheer. and
ne kept us all in radiant spirits. All,
save myself. l was bitterly detected.
Cheer up, lad" he'd say, What ails
you? One would think you'd met re-
verse, instead of winning glory and
promotion. 1t was a brave day, and
bravely you did e yourself. Would
that Jerome could see."
But the consciousness of dishonor
had torn citation from my soul, though,
God knows, 1t had before been STAIN
less in thought or deed.
Well have many sweet and tran
quill hours at Biloxi when days of peace
are come. My cottage can be your
home after the barracks no longer
claim your care. Agnes is the sweetest
OF wives; her little sister, too, a child,
but. fair, and clever too, beyond her
years"
Verify I cared nothing FOR a baby
sister. But Agnes?
He repeated his invitation to their
cottage many times, and mentally 1
prayed. 20 God, lead not Thy children
Into temptation"
When we a settled down again at
Biloxi. for days I remained to myself
In h barracks, and saw no one, max
Ing pretense of being busy amongst my
sIneI-
De Ia Mora rallied me upon my I'M
7 gallant conduct. in denying to the la
dies HI sight of SO famous a soldier,
I had now firmly determined to make
1t necessary to be away from the post
FOR a season. either in campaign with
the Choctaws against the Natchez, or
by taking part in the coming siege of
Havana. Any pretext to get away.
Anything but the truth.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1904-06-03
The judgment Hour.

In a North Carolina village last sum
mer l read about the aueerest announce
ment of a religious meeting l ever heard
Of" Representative Hay of Virginia, who
dropped back in Washington during the
week for q snort business stay. This
notice was posted on the door of a shoe
cobbler who sometimes offciated as
preacher at the meetings Of the Univer-
salist persuasion. 1t reads:
There will be preaching over in the
pinss opposite the High Mountain Hotel
this Sunday afternoon on the subject:
"All who do not believe will be damned"
at 3 o'clock
II had to leave and did not wait to see
developments, but il the announcement
turned OUT as worded the town must have
been almost depopulatsd."
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1904-06-03
Obeyed.

Chums: A youngster Who had beer.
i'll was allowed to go to a party on the
condition that. If it rained. he should
take a cab to come home.
1t rained, but the boy arrived
drenched to the skin.
why didn't you take a cab, as 1 told
you?" asked h father, sternly.
oh. l did, father-I did truly" was
the answer. But l thought 1 would
rather rhe on top with the driver. II
was great fun"
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1904-06-03
Whipping Pest for Washinaton.

y quiet effort has been made to au.
thorize the establishment of tho whipping
post in Washington for the punishment of
wife heaters and petty Offenders. Major
Sylvester is convinced the whipping post
would result i'll much good in the Nay of
reforming the worthless and In reducing
the heavy expense Of caring tor those who
had as soon be in the w%orkhouse or Jail
as at their homes.
One of the advocates of the measure. a
representative from New York state, In
speaking of the matter said:
If whipping posts We're authorized
throughout the states ii would be we'll.
Many years ago when Judge Cole pre-
sided in the police court at Albany u VIII
famous specimen of humanity was before
him, charged with having brutality
whipped his wife. The evidence showed
the most heartless cruelty on the part of
this wretch who had promised to love and
protect the woman whom he made his
wife.
The prisoner asked to be permitted to
make a statement, which request was
granted. and he began by saying that all
he wished was Justice Judge Cole, who
felt thoroughly outraged, stopped him
with:
"'You clearly proven brutel YOU can't
get justice here. sir, for this court has
no power to hang YOU"
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1904-06-03
subERsTlTIoUs CLOCK
Cuckoo Tinepiece That Won't Work on
the Ihitsenth of The Month

'S I'ii'iSSIti vi IIic mOlIn.
New Orleans Times-Democrat:
Speaking of the many curious things
connected with the number thirteen
reminds me of a clock which has been
in my family now for some time" said
an observant man, and the thing 1
have In mind has gone far toward max
ing me believe that there is some
thing in the claim that thirteen is an
unlucky number. The clock In ques-
ton Is Of the cuckoo variety. Ordi-
Earily 1t is n of the most reliable
tlmepieces l have ever seen. 1t keeps
perfect time, and never fails to cuckoo
promptly on the hour, except in the
case I have in mind. If the thing had
not happened in such regular order
would have paid no attention to it. But
1t has been happening every month
regularly from the time we introduced
the aforesaid clock into the family
circle. And 1t always happens on the
18th Of the month. My clock lays off If
l may say 1t, once every month. 1t re-
fuses to work on the day which is as
sociated with unlucky things. Some
how 1t seems to know that thirteen is
an unlucky number. And it seems to
think that 1t applies as much to dates
as to other events and things. l have
never been BILE to understand just why
the clock should stop on this day, and
up to this o l am unable to give
anything ! a reasonable explanation
| OF 1t. I only know that my cuckoo
clock will not work on the 18th DAY
of the month, and no matter how well
1t is wound. or what the weather con-
ditions may be, when the unlucky dan
rolls round the clock simply stops
1t is q curious thing, isn't 1t ."
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1904-06-03

Harpers Bazaar: Gowns of Chantilly
lace with the bands OF applique work and
fiounces are still being made up over
black. white or colcred Innings. These
| also require some Frightening, and Jet or
steel ornaments. and some very costly
| ones are used. Artificial flowers made Of
silk or chiffon are embroidered on to both
the net and satin gowns In a most at
tractive manner and pale pink. yellow or
white and mauye also help to tighten the
sometimes too somber effects.
White not gowns with lace applique and
white lace gowns are always most use
full. as they can be made with two waists,
a high and q low one, and then can be
worn for many different occasions.
With Q guimpe a low waist can easily
be transformed. and this is often done; or
= deep oaps collar can be worn over the
shoulders. But. as q rule, it is better
to have the two separate waists, for then
the style of NC can be so marked as to
give the appearance Of another gown even
With tie one skirA
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1904-06-03
Fear the Lord.

one of the best cloalSroom yarns o. the
session of congress just closed was told
by Representative Davey OF Louisiana,
He related that in West i'elieiane Parish
there WAS a man named Gunne!s who had
been rather careless in the manner in
which he had brought up his SONS, The
boys being regular neighuorhood terrors.
and e~ternally in some ugly scrape.
one day Parson Bloom, an aged Sap
list minister, who appeared to have tho
reformation of the Gunneis boys Oh his
mind, sought the old gentleman and made
a strong and atrectionate appeal to him
to bring the boys to the right way OF liv-
ing lest they wind up with ropes around
their necks.
Brother Gunnels.' said the old min
lister, Il fear that your boys have not
been brought up in the fear of the Lord
Fear of the Lord, parson.' exclaimed
Gunnels. Fear of the Lord. sir; why.
those Internal boys are so afraid of the
Lord that they dare not go out even on
Sundays without a brace of pistols. They
are hell-bent and nothing will save them
except the rope"
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1904-06-03

Smith-Telephone my wife for me
ind tell her I won't be home till late.
Jones-All right What number?
Smith-Number? What dou you take
NO for q Mormon7
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1904-06-03

He had, however. made his request
IN such Urgent terms. even pathetic,
I could not disregard it, and putting
aside the reluctance l felt, took up
the paper which lay on top, directed to
.as follows.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1904-06-03

1 rode a horse for four years. my race
horse Charley, which would eat half a
peck of peaches as fast as L could re-
move the stone out of them. The
same horse could eat a pound of sugar
or candy without even stopping.
The San Francisco call., 1904-07-03
LEAGUE ELECTS
OFFICERS FOR ENSUING TERM
Colusa Is Chosen by the Delegates as
the Place for Holding Next
Hcnr,rnar,firnr,
Convention.


STOCKTON, July 2.-The thirteenth
annual State convention Of the Ep-
worth League Of the Methodist Epis-
copal Church (South) adjourned here
this evening after a most successful
convention lasting since Wednesday
evening. BY a unanimous vote CO.
lusa was chosen as the place for hold
ing the next annual convention.
The election of officers this even
ing resulted as follows: President,
Noel H Garrison of Stockton; first vice
president, William Kirkham Jr. of
Merced; second vice president, Miss
Grace Castle Of Dinuba; third vice
president, Miss Mary L. Poage of
Ukiah; fourth vice president, Miss
Elizabeth Clayton of Los Angeles; sec
retary- Phil Arnold of CO.
lusa; Junior superintendent, Miss Grace
Ray Of Stockton. The convention was
attended by more than 200 delegates.
The San Francisco call., 1904-07-03
TRIES TO LOSE
ADOPTED CHILD
Santa Monica Woman Takes
Advertised Baby, but She
Soon Regrets Her Bargain
INFANTS LUNGS LUSTY
In Effort to Get Rid of
Self-ImpOSed Burden Mrs.
Keller Finds Trouble

''Wanted-Some responsible person to
adopt blue-eyed bouncing baby girl.
It's father has cataract Of the eye
and is unable to support the child. Ad-
dress Mr.. and Mrs. T. Rinden, Monte
cito, Santa Barbara County"
Such was an advertisement that ap-
peared in q recent edition Of the Los
Angeles Times.
Mrs. Louise Keller, who resides at
Santa Monica and who says that her
husband is a mining man at Nome,
answered the ad and secured the
child. The blue-eyed baby's stay
with chr was of short duration.
Mrs. Keller and her husband had
long wished for a child, and when
she read the ad the desire to possess
a child returned to her. She corre-
sponded with the father and mother.
She had planned a trip to st. Louis
while her husband was in Alaska, and
thought the company Of the child
would enliven the journey. 1t did; and
thereby hangs a tale, wherein the As
sociated Charities and the Police De-
partment figure prominently.
Mrs. Keller left Santa Monica on Fri
day night. 1t was late when the train
reached Santa Barbara, and the sleep
ers in the Pullman did not see a thin
woman with a haggard look on her
face quickly enter the train and, by
previous arrangement, deposit small
bundle done UP in brown paper
in a vacant seat near Mrs. KEEL
ler With the bundle came bot
tie of milk and change OF
baby clothes. The child proved the pos
SCISSOR of a pair of lungs that would
do justice to a college rooter. 1t began
tn cry. Passengers turned over in their
berths and growled.
Baby Rinden refused to be solaced.
When the train reached San Francisco
yesterday morning Mrs. Keller figured
that she had had enough and started
out to lose the child. She went to the
Salvation Army headquarters, but they
did not want the mite. She Travelled to
a founding asylum on Mission street,
near Twelfth, without being able to rid
herself of her burden. Finally, in de-
spair, she sought the Hall of Justice
and told her tale to Sergeant Moffitt,
who, realizing that Captain Frank
Norman was a fatherly man, referred
the embarrassed woman to him. Mrs.
Keller told Norman that the child had
been left on the train at Santa Bar
bara and she did not know to whom 1t
belonged.
Captain Norman sent her to the AS
sociated Charities, where Miss Kate
FELTON, and Mrs. c. a. Clivo accepted
the woman's story and the child. Later
they became suspicious and notified
Captain Martin, who detailed Detective
Ryan on the case. He arrested Mrs.
Keller as she was about to resume her
journey to st. Louis on the p m.
train last night. When brought before
Martin Mrs. Keller frankly told the
whole story and was allowed to go her
way. with an admonishment not to
adopt any more lusty-lunged young
sters and bring them to San Francisco.
The baby Will be retained by the Asso-
ciated Charities and placed in some
home
The San Francisco call., 1904-07-03
SEA AND WOODS CALL MAN AND MAID

Armstrong. From Fair oaks-w. F. Baily
and wife, W. F. Baily Jr. From Sausaiito- au
Mrs rs, BsTrOws Miss BarTowe From Fs 0SaaRp ,rebl1s
z. r. Ollie Prom BeIvedere-Mrs. A R.
Becker. Miss Becker. Miss Arnold; From Mon
Hawkins From santa Cruz-s. F. Baldwin:
II. B. Scott From Ogden-T. S. Brown and
wife. From stanford-H. S. McNaught. From
AiamedaNF. H. Eickhoff From Baltimore,
Thrill and wife. N McFariand and wife.
CottaRe-E j. Nutting From Los Laurels-
J. B. Hunter From Berkeley. w. Chanlen.
AT MERvYN HOTEL: From San Francis
co-Andy Hagen. Patrick Grace. John Conway.
From Alameda-Mrs. Schroeder, Paul Schroe-
der From San Francisco-Mrs. Rose Moran.
Miss Mary Moran Mr.. and Mrs. Rosebaum
and family, Mr.. and Mrs. de Sola and family.
Mrs Captain Wilson. Master Rignal Wilson,
Master Herbert Wilson. Mrs. M. Demmiek
AT ADAMS SPRINGS: From San Francis
eo-Mr Gum. Mr.. and Mrs. speck. Master
St John. Mrs. ST. John A German, Mr..
Akers, Mr.. McAntosh. w. W. Whiles, Mr.. Bas-
sett, Mrs. Bassett. Harry Wilton, Miss Wilton,
Mr.. Healey G. B. Fighey. Mrs. c. B. Fighey,
Miss c. Miller. Mr.. HOLES. Mrs. HOLES VII
Lam Vice. Mrs. Mary Rice, Charley CortJohn.
Ms, MT RicEinE X Mt Bqrk Pete Daily G. s;
Wren, James Ward, Alice Swain, Willie Swain.
o. l. Barber Mrs. o. l. Barber Amy Barber,
Miss Ely Mr.. Frank. Mrs. Frank, Mrs. F. NJ.
Franklin. Mr. John Staude, Mrs. John Staude,
Mrs. Bellmar. Mrs. Ida Bellmar. William
B. B. Robinson. Mrs. B. B. Robinson. Roy
Hsllquist. John Bannon. A. Carbane Frank
Mclnery, John Wallace. Gus Danielson. George
F. Lynch E. Voker. n. Pantilides. Mr.. Roth,
R c. Masterson Mrs. B. c. Masterson, G. ].
Sawyer, Edward Rosenburd, A c. Tillenson,
W. S. Crocker II. Clurt Benjamin W. Fabion,
y. Witmar, Grace McNurty, J. McLeon. Christie
Liuge. s. NJ. McFeeley. Miss Julia Smith. VIII
liam Symon. Mrs. J. Q. Dober, Henry Goetjen.
Mrs. George l. Walere. John Leahy, A. Csss-
ganetto, l. M. Juhe. kinery Thomas, Mrs. H.
Frank. From Sacramento-Mrs John Neu-
Jack Hickey, p. S. Dukens I. c. Badester,
Tim McDermith. Ralph Ackron. Mrs. Culvert,
Fannie Culvert Mrs. Kearney, Mr. Kearney.
2. Hearth Mrs. T Hearth G. T. Bethway. H.
Thane, Edith Thane. Captain Davis Captain
Parker, Rev. DR.. Ford, Mrs. Rev. DR.. Ford.
Hsrren Master Harren, William Spers. Mr..
Boggs. Mrs Kelsey, Mr.. Kelsey. Mr.. Johnson,
Mr.. and Mrs. Hatfield. Mr and Mrs. Guina
Mrs. Stage, George Stage. c. NJ. Nathan, G. p.
Nathan. T G. Bonn, @. c. Bonn. From Alameda
C. Ratio and two children, L. s. Troy and
3. B. Robinson. Mrs. 3. B. Robinson. c. H.
Caldwell. W. Chace B. NJ. Gale, r. G.. Quinn,
r T. Quinn. John Foley. James Gate. Nash
Baker. Jerry Denehy, z. L. Armstrong. w.
Springer, Mr.. Kelly. P. c. Cannon. N. c. Bal
ley. J. Dolan. Miss Z. Parker. Mabel Walker,
George Pratt. George White. G. S. Stage Mrs.
G. S. stage. Mary Cameron. Lille Floid Carl
Tomson, Mary Keyes. Mr.. Roth, Mrs Roth
Jerry Contain. Thomas Land. NJ Hogan, Mrs.
NJ. Hogan, George Giblin Lucy Giblin, Mr..
Gates, Mrs. Gates, Emma Gates, Master George
Gates. E. NJ. Grogan.
The San Francisco call., 1904-07-03
OCEAN TRAVEL

y : :. : !. !. !
Steamers leave Broadway
TNSQ\ wharves (piers 3 and ID.
IQZ NR\ San Francisco:
IQI~~ NA For Ketchikan, Wrangel
| WhN Juneau, Haines. Skagway.
| NA ! etc. Alaska-l1 a. m, July
\AA N 16sI 5, g. IL 10 "a 20, Aug. 8.
NV ZC/ Change to Company's steam
N1SSeI1Se ers at Seattle.
For Victoria. Vancouver,
Port Townsend, Seattle. Tacoma. Everett.
BeIingham-I1 a. m, July g. 0. IA. 10. p. p.
Aug 3. Change az Seattle to this COmpany's
steamers for Alaska and G. n. Ry.; at Seattle
or Tacoma to n. P. Ry.; at Vancouver to c.
p. Ry.
For Eureka Caumboldt Bay)-Pomona. 80
i;sO p. M m. july 6. y. Is. "a. so. Aug. 5.
For Los Angeles (via Port Los Angeles and
Redondo). San Diego and santa Barbara
Santa Rosa. Sundays a. m.
State OF California Thursdays a m.
For Los Angeles (via San Pedro and East
San PedrO). Santa Barbara. Santa Cruz Mon
terey. San Simeon. CayucOs, Port Hartford (San
Luis Obispo). Ventura and Hueneme.
Bonita a m. July ?. 10 Is. 26, Aug. 3.
Coos Bay. a. m. July 8, IA, %. 80. Aug. Z.
For Ensenada. Magdalena Bay. San Jose del
Cabo Mazatlan, Altata, La Paz. Santa Ro-
salia Guaymas Mex. 10 a. m. 7th each mo-
The palatial excursion steamship Spokane Will
leave Tacoma, Seattle and Victoria July s. 10.
Aug. ., 16-
For further information obtain folder RfEht
IS reserved to change steamers or sailing dates.
TICKET OFFICES New MontgOm-
cry st. palace HOteD, 10 Market ST., and Broad
way wharves. Freight oh1ce 10 Market st.
c. d. DUNANN. General Passenger Agent,
10 Market ST.. San Francisco.