Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1904-07-23
FOOLSANDTHEIR MONEY

1t, and that night. after had tucked my
self into my little salt-air-smelly bed there
was something on my mind that kept me
awake. mentally figuring for quite while
The something on my mind was a calcula-
ton as to the number of tips and the
amount of the same added up that I had
distributed from the beginning of my trip
until DOMINIC my pajamas. And 1 found it
quite piece of mental arithmetic to GO
over that tip account
II began In Washington-they're pretty
t ,a as willing to accept backsheesh in the
form OF pourboires here as they are any
where else, II you have ever taken notice.
The cabman who carried me and my suit
case and typewriter to the station was so
aHable In his general bearing toward me
that l gave him quarter in addition to
his regular fare when the cab reached the
station. A station porter opened the cab
door ana took my suit case and type writer
ana carried them through the ladies' wait
ing room to the main waiting room, where
l told him to deposit them while l bought
my tickets. When he dropped the gear in
the main waiting room l passed him fifteen
cents, supposing that he would be on hand
to give me a lift with the things through
the gate and to the train when the gate
opened. l was wrong in that suppOsition.
however When 1 had finished buying my
tickets, there was another station porter
hover1ng near me. The one to whom l had
given the fifteen cents was off and away,
but he had passed the word along to one
or his mates-the one who lowered near
me at the ticket window. / nodded to him
to pick up the suit case and the typewriter.
He carried the dunnage through the gate
and to the parlor car of the train for me,
and, as had nothing smaller than quar-
Ter In my change pocket, he got two bits.
That made 1t sixty-five cents for tips before
l had boarded the train
The parlor car porter treated me with
great AVAILABILITY as soon as he caught sight
or me, deposittng my suit case and type
writer behind my chair, reminding me that
my necktie had slipped up behind my collar,
and SO on. l told him that 1 didn't have
any change, but that I'd fix him out be-
fore we reached Atlantic City. He was well
disposed enough to tell me that dat would
be all right, boss In view Of his engaging
| conduct, l knew that no mere quarter tip
was doing to do for him-that the least L
could do would be half-a quarter for his
caring OF my suit case and machine and
the regular quarter for the whisk broom
brush OF at the end Of the journey. He
got the half when the train pulled into
Atlantic City. That made it dollar and
fifteen cents for tips by the time l de-
barked from the train.
"A glad station porter grabbed my suit case
and machine from my hands when found
myself on the Atlantic City station platform.
demanding at the same time to know the
| name of the hotel at which l was going to
register. l told him. and he carried my
gear to the bus of that hotel. drawn up
right alongside the platform. He got two
bits for his little walk of thirty feet with
my hand baggage.
1.-The porter attached to the bus took the
two articles of baggage from the station
porter, telling me magnanimously that ne
see that didn't lose them or anything, so
that when the bus pulled up at the hotel
l felt indebted to that bus porter In the
sum of . cents He got the money
THAT made my tip account just sl65 up
to the moment that 1 reached the steps
leading to the hotel.
"A bell boy was at the bottom of the
hotel steps to take my suit case and ma
chine from the bus porter. He carried the
things to the desk for me. and when reg
istered and got my key he conducted me to
my room. Twenty-Five cents Tor that one
which brought my tip account up to $loo
up to the moment of reaching my room.
1.-The chambermaid had forgotten to put
any water in the wash jug Of my room
since 1t had last been occupied. and rang
for the chambermaid. The bell boy who
answered the ring and went after the
chambermaid was so good natured in re-
spending to my button-touch that handed
him a dime for his labor. That brought
the tip account up to pat 81
when the chambermaid made her ap-
pearance and I asked for some water for
my water pitcher the girl looked so sad
and aggrieved over 1t all that felt that the
least l could do would be to assuage her
sorrow with little tip. The smallest L
had was half. The chambermaid got the
half, accepting it with an air of the great
est imaginable sadness of spirit. Thus 1
was $3.50 out on the tip question up to the
moment of washing my hands and face.
Before dinner l dropped down to the
barber shop for a shave The shave was
two bits, and I let the wistful looking bar
Der have 10 cents change for himself out
of the half-dOllar that L gave him in pay
ment of my bill. That put me back just
S2.65 for tips up to the time | sat down in
the dining room for a bite of dinner.
The waiter assigned to my table treated
me as if he We're perfectly confident that l
was Charlie Schwab or John w. Gates or
Thomas Lawson or one of those fairly COM
Portable individuals. l knew perfectly we'll
that he had no such an idea in his head,
but we are all susceptible to the insidious
fiattery of servitors. and when my dinner
was 1 felt that to give that waiter
anything smaller than half would be pure
meanness. He got the half, all right, and
I was $3.15 to the bad on tips when rose
from the dinner table
After dinner 1 started up to my room to
get ready for a stroll on the board walk.
When I reached my floor 1 found that 1
had forgotten to get my key from the no
tel rack. The elevator boy cheerfully in
formed me that l needn't take the trouble
to go down to the office-that he'd get the
key for me. He got the key and 10 cents
Tor his work. That made the tip account a
pat 1926.
After listening to some music on one of
the piers. L went into highly illuminated
and ornate cafe for little drink. The
who brought it to me was so courtly SO
pompously overpowering. In fact, that when
l handed him a half l couldn't do aught
else but nod to him to keep the change.
That made 1t $50 for tips. Before turning
in 1 dropped in at another cafe farther
down the board walk for club sandwich
and something cooling to go with it. Club
sandwich was 80 cents, and the cooling
thing to wash it down a quarter. 1 gave
the waiter a half and a quarter, and nod
ded to him to keep the change. He looked
some sore, at that over the measley 20-cent
tip. But 1t carried my tip account for the
day up to s.. 20.
ut was some little distance to my hotel,
and so, being tired. / took a rolling chair
for the trip The rolling chair boys bill
was half-dollar, but he looked at me with
such wounded-deer eyes at the end of the
journey that there was nothing for it but
to relieve his misery by giving him a two
bit tip. That made it $3.95 for tips.
when 1 got up to my hotel room 1
rang for a pitcher of ice water The boy
who brought it deposited it on my wash
stand and then gazed at me so reproach-
fully, seeing that I was making no move
toward my depleted change pocket, that l
handed him the last Is cents in silver that
had.
Thus, when I had got into my night
apparel and switched off the electrolier 1
found upon making that little mental cal
culation as to tips, that l had distributed
j,,c+ in, ha Of nOnrhOreS since