The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1904-10-23
JOKES A CENTURY OLD.
Some Still Going the Rounds of Comic
Papers and Stump Speeches.


What is regarded as the most valu-
able collection of ancient jokes in eX-
istence has just bern presented to the
Missouri State Historical society by
w. II. Thompson of near Columbia. The
chestnuts are in 10S almanacs, one for
each year since 1875.
In the almanac of 1904. now just a
century old. considerable space is de-
voted to original jokes. witty remarks
and humorous anecdotes" Here are
few OF the very funny" things in the
almanac of 1904:
a dull judges of the inferior courts
Of a sister state. having attended 10 d
variety of causes in the morning, went
to dine al a friends house with a most
excellent appetite. Among the company
was witty barrister. The judge, eat
ing very heartily Of dish Of salmon,
observed that he had filed himself 50
full that he needed hopping.
Your honor is much more in want
OF heading replied the witty barris-
ter"
"A professor. lecturilg OF heat Oh
served that one of its most conspicuous
properties was the power of expanding
all bodies. A humorous student rose
in his seat and asked: Is that the rea-
son the days in warm weather are
longer IMAM LnDSe III toiu
Mr. Hare and Mr. Fox had apart
ments in the same house and each had
frequent visits from the bailiffs. One
morning, as he was loo king out of his
window. Mr.. Fox saw two Of them at
the door. Pray, gentlemen, said he,
are you Fox hunting or Hare hunting
this morning.
sir John Doyle, on being Informed
by traveller that he had been in d
country where the bugs were 50 large
and powerful that two of them would
drain a mans blood in a single night,
humorously replied: My dear sir, we
have similar animals i'm Ireland, but
there we call them hunbugs.
"A man having been capitally con
victed at Old Bailey was, as usual,
asked what he had to say why judg-
ment of death should not be passed on
him. 'Say?' replied he, why, 1 think
the joke has been carried far enough
already, and the less said the better
if you please, we will drop the sub
ject'
in a newly raised corps a soldier
lately observed to his cOmrade. who
was an Irishman. that a corporal was
TO be dismissed from his regiment.
Faith and indeed. said the ITishman.
I hope il is the corporal who is 50
troublesome in our company WHAT
is his name?' replied the other. Why,
corporal punishment, TO be sure, re-
piled Pat"
"A person who could not read a syl-
liable took up a newspaper in New
York coffee house and. holding 1t up
side down. pretended TO peruse the ship
advertisements on the first page. with
great attention. What news inquired
a bvstander There has been a great
storm i'm the West Indies. replied the
reader. the vessels are all upset.
"A country squire asked merry
Andrew why he was playing the fool.
For the same reason you do said he,
out of want You do il for want OF
wit, l for want of money
Some of the jokes, humorous remarks,
puns and witticisms which were perpe-
trated in the western COmick Alma
mack in 1894 and which have not yet
outlived their usefulness are the follow
ing:
AS a broker was folding some bank
bills a wag observed; You must grow