The Birmingham age-herald., 1904-01-10
The Man Who Sold Ills Ear...
BY GEORGE RANDOLPH CHESTER.

ssfNNSS@ n OH ES E K.
 and slept lot He lived two years like
 that and then his money gave out l A kind Providence, however, seemed to
 be watching over Alonzo Rust, for, just
 at this distressing juncture. Reggie Van i tackle, having left college, broke n leg l while playing polo, and 1t had to be ann I putated, His first thought was of -Aloiizo, i and he had the doctor to look him up. Alonzo had just broken his last ten dol lar bill, and was almost ready to begin
 worrying, when the doctor walked Into { his apartments.
 'Mein freund, I want your Ieg,'' said
 the doctor.
 Hip or knee?n asked Alonzo.
 won der hip downwarts-for Herr Van
 tackle"
 How mueh?'
 "Youst like the last time yet. Funf tausand tolar und peaudful corg leg init which you can tance chigs.' 1 Same price as A common ear, eh?'' ex-
 claimed Alonzo. We don't play. then.
 MT. sInicklefritb. Ten thousand dollars
 five thousand jointr-or no dickerl That's ' Alonzor'
 '.Puntz-tausand-noeh- -ain-mali' splut- tered the doctor. Well, see you again.
 Alonzo had a notion to call him back,
 but he felt that he had the market cor
 nered on merchandise that just suited, i so he held stiff to the price and he got it.
 Reggie, when the operation was over, was ! tickled to death with his new leg. It was
 little beefy, but, byt the time he had
 trained the fat of, it was an exact match
 and the surprising part was that, while i it came from probably the laziest body on
 earth, Reggie hadn't had it week until l it was as spry the other one. There
 didn't seem to be a lazy sinew in it, and
 it bore fatigue even better than his own. | As for Alonzo, the cork one suited him 1 clear down tc the ground. He hardly
 needed a leg anyhow, and half the ma | chinery in this one rusted from lack of
 use.
 One fatal mistake, however, Alonzo
 made. Warned by his past experience, J he felt that he ought to make a little I provision against the future, so he look | ed around for an investment. One day he read that Mrs. Russell Pierpont Rocky l schwab, the great financier and promoter, advised young men to invest in stock of | the Information Gold Brick combine. | Alonzo bought. In a week or so Gold | Brick stock began to go down, and in ten days, 1t hit bottom so hard it bounced. ] It began to climb up again, then, but, in 1 the meantime, Alonzo and about four | houndred thousand other meeks were soaking their family Jewels and overcoats 1 for a meal ticket. MT. Russel Pierpont | Rockyschwab only smiled and gave out 1 another interview.
 l To A1onzo things looked as black as 1 politicians character the day after his | first nomination. The minute the house. keeper and the valet and the cook found
 out he hadn't the price of a yesterdays | street car transfer, they wanted their
 wages, and they needed the money in
 hurry. They had him nearly nervous, l when telegram came and made them
 mighty respectful again.
 Can you fill order for two sound,
 health arms2 Mine crushed in automobile 1 smash REGGIE VANTACKLE."
 Same price" answered Alonzo, rising | to the occasion. Five thousand per i joint, or twenty thousand and two patent
 arms for the lot. Operation to be per | formed in my apartments'
 1 Reggie was tckled with his new arms i They were much better preserved than | his own, and soon as he had the fresh and unrestrained muscles trained down he
 was delighted to find he had nearly
 double his old strength. And lazzinessl l Why, there wasn't a particle of 1t in the l new arms. They were SO quick and ea- ger, that he found himself in a dozen I dghts inside of month.
 < Alonzo was happy. too. He had a pair I of electrical arms that were fine to feed Ehimself with, and that held a pipe per | fectly, and what more did a man with Il fHOHty WALL 3AHu, ulu ne iIlNtSl any ol I this money in International Gold Brick
 stock? Oh, no!
 Little, old four per cent, and get it, | for mine!" he declared. "Alonzo, the or
 phan che-ild, hankers and pines no more i for gilt-edged clnches. If I had straight | tip from the Angel Gabriel, I wouldn't bet a peanut hull on the date of the final
 toot Not Alonzon'
 1 So he put his money in savings bank, a nd lived hapDilV after for ahout three months. Along about that time the cashier of the bank went to Honduras for his health, and forgot to leave his address. Wise people, who knew how, split up what was left, and the receivers paid about nix on the dollar to the com mon depositors. Of course, these common depostors crowded around the bank and had run for their money. but they didn't get any.
 Alonzo was once more in a pickle and to make 1t worse Providence forgot him. Reggie Vantackle climbed mountains and crossed Brooklyn bridge at the rush hour; he automobiled and he interferred in do- mestic fights; he went hunting with anna teurs and ate candy sent him through the mails; but he passed unscatched through everything, while starvation stared Alon- 20 Rust in the face close enough to spit in his eye. At last Alonzo got desperate enough to stay awake and think, and he sent Reggie this message:-
 Cant I sell you the other leg?" "One thousand dollars. Take 1t or leave 1t"
 There 1t was again. The merciess. grasping hand of the rich was sezing upon the bitter necessities of the poor, but what could Alonzo do? He had to give up that good left leg, that he counted as a ten thousand dollar asset. for one tenth its actual value, Reggie was se- cretly delighted with the bargain for now he had a pair of energetic limbs that dis counted his own worn out ones fully fifty per cent.
 As for Alonzo, he had learned wisdom by experience. and kept his money hid in his pocketbook on top of the center table. where no thief would ever look for it. By strict economy. he bid fair to make his thousand dollars last him