davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1904-10-06
Lesson For Women.

Jersey Shore, Pa, Sept. 26 Especially
-"Dodd's Kidney Pills have done
worlds Of good for me-" That's what
Mrs. C. B. Earnest of this place has
to say of the Great American Kidney
Remedy.
Il was laid up SICK" Mrs. Earnest
continues, "and had not been out OF
bed for five weeks. Then began to
use Dodd's Kidney Pills and now | am
SO can work and go to town without
suffering any. l would not be with
out Dodd's Kidney Pills. have good
reason to praise them everywhere"
Women who suffer should learn a
lesson from this, and that lesson is,
"cure the kidneys with Dodd's Kidney
Pills and your suffering will cease. "
Woman's health depends almost en-
tirely on her kidneys. Dodd's Kidney
Pills have never yet failed to make
healthy kidneys.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1904-10-06

lace" producing it from his pocket
'one of the stolen articles, on M
dressing table this morning."
Eyes, know" said DR.. Wallace.
You know!" exclaimed Mr.. Merton
staring in establishment at his com
panion. What do you mean?, You
put"
mo. 1t was never in my posses
sion"
But-how-did-it -come-there?
THE thief put it there"
"The thief"
yes, so far as there Is any theh
in the matter. The fact is the Jewels
have never been out of the house."
Never been out Of the housed"
cried Mr.. Merton. "I-don't under
stand"
"The explanation is simple. You are
a sleep-walker, Mr.. Merton, and have
hidden the jewels yourself"
Mr.. Merton declared there was no
occasion for the young people to wait,
and expressed his intention of behav-
ing handsomely toward them.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1904-10-06
Thlnns Animals Know.

at is queer thing the way animals
learn the meaning Of certain words,
said Mr.. w. T. Reeves Of Little Rock
81 remember as a boy certain old
gray mare that belonged to our family,
which one of my older brothers had
ridden the whole time of his service
in the confederate army. She was a
magnificent saddle animal, and ordi.
narily as gentle as a lamb, but If any
one ventured to say, when on her
back. look out, the Yankees are com.
irg! she would proceed to bolt at the
top of her speed as though terror
stricken, and 1t was a difficult thing
to quiet her down. l suppose the
words had in some way been borne
in upon her equine intelligence during
the conflict, and they must have had
some frlghtful meaning.
"Orce addressed them to her, to
my sorrow, for, suddenly wheeling,
she left the road and plunged into a
thick piece of woodland, with the re-
suit that a projecting limb knocked
me senseless to the ground. After
that, when astride the old mare, |
studiously avoided all reference to the
Yankees. Washington Post.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1904-10-06
oysters Don't Breed Disease

The Frankfurter Zeitung of August
1, 1904, contains correspondence from
Paris stating that last year veritable
campaign was waged against oysters,
which were said to especially transmit
typhus and various other bacilli. The
Journal Officiel now publishes the re-
port of Prof. alfred Giard, in the name
of the sea fishery commission, APP
pointed by the secretary of the navy,
which clears the oyster of all charges,
and expressly declares that they are
eatable at all seasons, as they cannot
transmit any disease to human beings.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1904-10-06
Unanimous.

Once upon time the Confidence
games" OF the world met to organize
an association for mutual improve
ment, and the gathering was one Of
the largest ever known. The interest
manifested was intense, and the meet
Ing promised to be great success
But trouble arose over the selection OF
a presiding officer. Every game"
present claimed the honor. The
wrangling proceeded for many weary
hours, and there seemed to be great
danger that the proposed organization
would fail through lack of harmony.
Finally, after nearly every game
present had presented its claims to
recognition, an unusually large one ap-
peared on the scene.
Cease this wrangling, friends" IL
said. 81 have but to announce who
am in order to settle this contro-
Versy. The mere mention of my name
will convince you that l am entitled
to be 1T in this august assembly"
"Well, who are you?" queried an I'M
usually large game"
Sir" was the loud reply, II am an
infant Industry"
Recognizing the superior claim the
other games" humbly bowed and the
infant Industry was given the seat of
honor and command.-Will Maupin in
Bryan's Commoner.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1904-10-06
Rather a Puzzler.

While stumping the state during
the last gubernatorial campaign, Gov
Frazier of Tennessee entered the Of
fee Of village hotel, where he dis
covered a corpulent German seated
at table, writing. Suddenly the Teu
ton paused in his task, frowned
scratched his head, chewed the end
of his pen, and looked so obviously
worried that Mr.. Frazier good-natured
ly asked
my friend, can l be of any service
to your"
"Yah," was the prompt and re
lieved reply; "blease tell me veddel
you puts an e. behindt before'?"
1t was several seconds before the
affable candidate grasped the mans
meaning and gave the desired infor
mation.--New York Times.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1904-10-06
The Resemblance.

Some years ago William T. Smedley
boarded In the same house with a
young man who prided himself on his
likeness to the artlst-though, truth
to tell, he was very plain, while Mr.
Smedley was quite handsome. One
morning at breakfast he turned to Mr..
Smedley and said:
do you know, I am thought very
sllke your"
Indeed" was the answer, 81 can
not see any resemblance"
well, give me a good look now
and tell me who am like"
The artist looked at him steadily
for a few moments, and then replied:
you look only like the boarding
house martyr at the steak. New
York Times.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1904-10-06
eivina Out information.

Charles S. Mellen, president of the
New York, New Haven and Hartford
railroad, was accosted in the ticket
office one time by testy individual
who seemed to be making his first
visit to New York, Taking Mr.. Mel.
len for ticket agent, he asked short.
ly, where's Gorham?"
What Gorham?" said Mr.. Melen
pleasantly, without enlightening the
man as to his identity. "Gorham,
Mass, Gorham silver, or what?"
ITS your business to know where
It's, should think" replied the iras.
chile hayseed.
well" said Mr. Mellen, thoughtful.
ly, Gore 'em ought to be near Bulls
Head New York Times.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1904-10-06
"Most extraordinary thlnsl"

listening with an amused expression
to Hendley's recital.
"Preposterous!" exclaimed that
young man, excitedly pacing up and
down the room. "Preposterous to be
made out a common thief a burglar,
house breaker, and accused of rob
bling the father of the girl love. It's
Its perfectly monstrous."
ut is certainly a trifle awkward"
commented George with smile
Its enough to provoke a saint,
and"
"Yes, yes" interposed George, rails
ing his hand deprecatingly "all that
may safely be left to the Imagination.
Suppose we confine ourselves to the
simple facts Of the case. You see, at
present only know that you love Ger
aldine Merton, which shows a pretty
taste on your part, and that Mr.. Mer-
ton accuses you of committing a burg.
larry"
We'll, the story is soon told. It ap-
pears that during the night some
thieves broke into the Mertons' place
and made off with $4,000 worth Of
jewelry. A nice little haul. AS told
you, had intended looking up old
Merton this evening to ask his pater-
nal blessing in the matter Of Geral-
dine. Imagine my surprise, therefore,
when a private detective chap called
on me about midday and without too
much euphemism charged me with
committing the theft, informing me
that II | would return the jewelry he
thought no further steps would be TAX
en- In the matter. | need scarcely say
| was dumfounded for the moment"
MO-" said George, thoughtfully.
How do you account for the presence
of your cuff link in the room?"
Dashed II | know, except"
"Yes?"
well, there's the possibility when
was with Geraldine 1t might have
dropped"
81 see-dropped into the folds Of her
dress, and she carried 1t into the
room and deposited 1t unconsclously
upon the floor"
tits the only way | can think Of"
what do you want me to do in the
matter?" asked George, steadily pun.
ing at his cigar.
81 thought you wouldn't mind acting
as gobetween and explain the affair
to Merton"
"Huml Tell him a prospective SON.
ln-law is scarcely likely to rob his
prospective father-in-law? Eh7"
"Well-er-hang 1t all, man-lt's
preposterous."
"Quite so, but the cuff link Is nasty
evidence. However, much depends
upon the circumstances Of the rob-
berry. Look here, Bert, won't prom.
Use to see you through. but I'll inter
view Merton and do the best can for
you"
Upon going down to breakfast at
the Merton house a trile late the next
morning DR.. Wallace found his host
in a state Of considerable perturbation.
Nothing, however, was said until the
meal was finished and they had re-
tired to the library.
Most extraordinary thingl" burst
forth Mr.. Merton, as soon as he had
closed the door. 81 found this neck.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1904-10-06
A Parable.

A woman lost two little charms, the
joint gift Of God Fnd a good man. She
hunted long for them. She searched
in parlor. in ballroom and in theater
She crowded men from the great.
gaunt buildings where they earned their
bread and hunted there for her lost
jewels. She did things that made the
world take a quick little breath, and
then call her a good fellow" But
she found them not. Weary and worn
she went back to the beginning. and
there. in kitchen and nursery. she
found the two white stones" and
-ritten on one was happiness" and
on the other "love."-Chicago Record
Herald.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1904-10-06

Every housekeeper should know
that if they will buy Defiance Cold
Water Starch for laundry use they
will save not only time, because 1t
never sticks to the iron, but because
each package contains 16 Ozone full
pound-while all other Cold Water
Starches are put up in A-pound pack
ages, and the price Is the same, 10
cents. Then again because Defiance
Starch is free from all injurious chem
icals. If your grocer tries to sell you a
1907. package 1t is because he has
q stock on hand which he wishes to
dispose of before he puts in Defiance.
He knows that Defiance Starch has
printed on every package in large let
tiers and figures "16 ozs." Demand
Defiance and save much time and
money and the annoyance of the iron
sticking. Defiance never sticks.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1904-10-06
African Klnn Cnminn.

The alake of Abeakuta, muscular
African king who created a sensation
a month or so ago in England, heard
so many wonderful things about Amer
lea while in King Edwards realm that
he has determined, after returning to
his native home, to pay a visit to
America. His majesty is very black
and very ugly, but the barbaric mag
nificence Of his garments made a great
sensation in London. He will arrive
some time before the end of Noven1
Der.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1904-10-06
Love In the Daisies.

Love went where the daisies seemed
Sweeter than the dreams he dreamed:
Rested In the meadows fair
Saying: "All of Life is here
Let me sleep
Let me sleep:
1 shall never wake to weep!"
And the stars looked down and kissed
Loves gold hair. In dreamy mist
Singing to the dawning Day:
Haste not up the Orient wayl
Let him sleep
oh. let him sleep:
Let him never wake to weepl"
But the Dawn was cruel-klnd-
Kissed the eyes that Sleep made blind
Led the heart the daisies knew
Where the thorns In crimson grewl
oh, Silence deepl
oh, Night, and Sleepl
God guard the days where Love mus
weepl
r. L. s., in Atlanta Constitution.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1904-10-06
Great Catch Of Whales.

From some unknown cause whales
are unusually plentiful on the west
coast Of Shetland, and the steam
whalers are reaping big haryests. 1t
Is only few days since big drive of
whales, resulting in the slaughter Of
fifty, was recorded, and now it is re-
ported that the weeks operations have
resulted in the killing Of no fewer
than 104. Among those killed were
one sperm whale and one humpback,
both very scarce in that region.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1904-10-06
M4l,,zlR,y1SkEN1z1loC
~ -5M14S&E!S5SS>By KQNINzR
cC"G&>G3OGGoCCN e&&I6ooe@@aoc1,ooG3

Richard Merton, head Of the ship
ping firm of Merton G. Co., prospered
and grew obese with his good fortune
His progress westward had at length
eliminated In a pretentious mansion
in the charming suburb Of Richmond,
where he looked forward to spending
the rest of his days in placid content
ment. 1t pleased him to provide a lib
eral hospitality and to surround him
self with good company.
Among the crowd Of guests on this
particular evening was a young man,
tall and muscular, with a flowing mus
tache and distinguished features.
Herbert Hendley had never yet taken
life very seriously. He had had
thoughts Of entering one Of the pro-
fesslons, but hitherto his modest in
come had sufIiced for immediate needs
and he had procrastinated.
He had met the Mertons at house
party in Scotland and had gladly &C
cepted an invitation to renew the ac-
quaintance on his return to the me-
tropolis. He had now been several
times to the house and was fast estab-
fishing a reputation as constant Wis
itor.
His attention was directed to the
farther end of the room, where port
ly, pompous individual was chatting
with the charming Geraldine.
1T is sitting here Would you not
like to take turn on the terrace"
he asked when he reached her side.
THANK you, 1t is warm" she as
scented.
ut is a perfect night" he said en-
Enthusiastically.
Eyes, it is very pleasant" and she
smiled at his earnestness.
do you remember our excursion up
the mountain side in Scotland and
how we got caught in the Scotch
mist?" he unused.
"And how you wrapped me up In
your great coat?" she exclaimed. Am
l likely to forget 1t? What an object
must have looked" And she
laughed unsteady.
"Well, 1t was then"
What was them" she asked softly
as he stopped, seemingly lost in rev.
erie
THAT, first loved you" he burst
forth. ~ had not intended to speak
tonight. have no right; am poor
man." and he smiled bitterly. But |
love you, Geraldine; you are dearer to
me than my own life. II you could
wait, dearest, ill | am in position to
marry | would work hard to make an
income. Am asking too much?"
You can not ask me too much"
she said simply, glancing up at him
with the lovelight shining in her blue
eyes.
He caught her to his breast and
kissed her lips again and again. Then
strainlng her to him he whispered,
my darling, you have made me hap
py."
There was considerable commotlon
in the Merton household on the follow
ing morning. A robbery had been
committed during the night.
Mr.. Merton communicated with the
police and called In the aid Of pri-
vate detective.
Then the housemaid made a dlscov-
cry. While attending to her duties in
Mrs. Merton's room she found mans
gold cuff link. 1t was passed from
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1904-10-06
Foraker's Son a Policeman,

"Bandy" Matthews, son-in-law ~
Senator Foraker, and one of the best
known men in Cincinnati, wants to be
a private policeman, and has made a
formal application to Secretary Gill
Lakeman, Of the board of public
safety. His application will in all
probability be granted. Matthews is
superintendent of the street lighting
system of the Cincinnati Gas and
Electric company, and wants the right
to arrest offenders who have been wor-
rying the company with their depreda.
lions.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1904-10-06
Secret Of Success.

my success as fiction writer"
remarked the man with the ink
stained fingers, "has enabled me to
pile up quite large bank balance"
Indeed" exclaimed the new club
member. Its queer l never hap
9ened to get hold of any Of your
Books"
ooh, l don't write books" replied
the Literary party. my specially is
writing advertisements for summer
resorts"
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1904-10-06

berry she added quickly: But OF
course it can't be his"
The detective said nothing, but gave
her a sharp, penetrating glance.
The warm, breathless afternoon was
almost at an end and In his comfort
able bachelor chambers at Lancaster
terrace, West Kensington, Herbert
Hendley was entertaining his friend.
DR.. George Wallace, who sat at his
ease meditatlvely smoking cigar and
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1904-10-06
The Czar,s Gift

A boy of IL who lives at Hamilton,
Ont, wrote to the car, asking for
some Russians postage stamps. Re.
Gently he received from the car a
complete collection of Russian postal,
departmental and local stamps in a
magnificently bound album. The col.
lection is said to be worth several
thousand dollars.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1904-10-06
Eats Polsons,

Hermann Bodenheim, chemist,
laughs at poisons. 81 will eat any
thing you MENTION" he says. You in
vite him to make a meal off cyanide
of potassium. He consents. Carbolic
acid is like nectar. 1T is safe to take
such poisons," he explains, IF you
take the antidote first. That is the
whole secret"
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1904-10-06
Similar But Different.

"A widow" remarked the very
young man, always has words OF
praise for her late husband"
eyes," rejoined the man with the
absent hair, "but it's different with
the sleepy wife when her liege lord
meanders in about a. M"
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1904-10-06
The Ideal and the Real.

What change a woman can make
10 mans life?" sighed the very
young man.
Right you are, my boy" rejoined
the scanty haired man who had been
up against the matrimonial game for
many years, "and what a lot of change
she requires while doing it."
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1904-10-06
Kentucky View,

"Say, colonel" said the young man
With the paper, 81 see that down south
they are finding snakes in cabbage"
"You don't say, subj" replied the
surprised colonel. who is it that
has invented a way of distilllng cab
bage?"
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1904-10-06
His View Of Il.

"a carrier pigeon on the wing"
said the fancier, rs the very poetry
Of notion"
"You mean," said the unsuccessful
rhymster, that it has the motion OF
poetry, don't you? No matter how
often or how far you send it out it's
sure to come back."-Cathollc Stand
ard and Times.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1904-10-06
Handicapped.
back from Europe.

She was back from Europe.
Weren't you afraid over there?"
we asked, you a lone young woman,
among all those foreigners?"
NO." she said. "The only time
| wished to be man was the day ]
got home to America"
"Why?"
Because l didn't have cent, and
woman can't go around touching
her friends, you know"
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1904-10-06
Comment on Existing rhlnns.

Barnes-Howes was quite indignant
Ehen he heard what you were about
He says you can't make a fool of him.
Shedd-Of course not; but can di.
rect public attention to what is al.
ready in existence.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1904-10-06
No Real Joy,

Deacon Jones-In that better land l
fully believe there will be no classes.
but all will be on the same level.
Mrs. Mite - Mercy Don't you
think that would be perfectly disgust.
lng7 Nobody to look down upon7-
Boston Transcript.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1904-10-06
Worlds Fair Visitors.

Persons attending the great Exposition
at st. Louis should secure room close to
the Fair and In a safe brick building. Ho-
tel Epworth has all the conyeniences OF
frst-class modern hotel, within four min
utes walk of Convention and Administra-
ton entrance Rooms $1.00 per day and up.
Meals at reasonable prices. From Union
Station go to Olive street, take DelmaT
Garden car, going West to $500. Our boys
meet all cars.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1904-10-06
Eemlnlna Charity.

He-Mlss 3impleton has teeth like
pearls.
she-That PROBABLY accounts for II
He-Accounts for what?
she-The fact that she is dumb as
an oyster.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1904-10-06

MIRO. Peck-Good gracious, Henry,
how do you wear out your socks so?
Henry-Why, you see, my dear, you
make me shake in my shoes so much.
Philadelphia Bulletin.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1904-10-06

An old man who dyes his whiskers
is as bad as the old man who wears a
wig.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1904-10-06

No modest girl will sit on a mans
lap unless she can hide her bushes in
the dark.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1904-10-06

Only one heap
ing teaspoonful
is needed for one
quart Of -four.

The man who is satisfied he made
mistake in marrying is not satisfied.
There is nothing in a\name. No
river thief has ever stolen a river.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1904-10-06

Fair passenger-What are the Wild
waves saying?
Uneasy escort-i think they are
guying me. judging from the queer
way feel.-Pittsburg Chronicle-Tele
graph.
Daily capital journal. (Salem, Oregon) 1903-1919, 1904-07-08
$5OORSSsS5ASsEaP
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