Lincoln County leader. [volume] (Toledo, Lincoln County, Or.) 1893-1987, 1904-08-19
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to-night.-Puck.
Brown-Is Smith the boss over at
his house? Jones-Mrs. Smith a Y he
isn't, but l take notice he picks out all
the new wall paper.-Cincinnati Trib-
une.
Mr.. Tim Idity-Is your chauffeur a
safe man to ride with? Mr.. Knote
Slowe-Why, certainly! No policeman
has succeeded in catching him yet
Town Topics.
Mrs. Chugwater-Josiah, where is
there such a thing as a laundry trust?
Mr.. Chugwater-Where? What do
you suppose the Flatiron Building in
New York is for?
arthur, dear, don't you think it's
rather ~extravagant of you to eat butter
with that delicious JAM" mo, love;
economical. Same piece of bread does
for both."-Tit-B Bits.
Magistrate (sternly)-Didn't I tell
you the last time you were here | never
wanted you to come before me again?
Prisoner-Yes, sir, but couldn't make
the policeman believe it.-New Yorker.
Are you at all familiar with
Plato?" asked Mrs. Oldcastle. mo,
that's Il thing Josiah always bldmes
me for. He says | never make real
close friends with anybody."-Phila-
delphia Ledger.
After a more severe reproof than
usual, little Bessie, who is ~extraordin-
arily sensitive, thought diligently for a
minute, and then said: Mamma, isn't
there any way a child can get a d.
vorce from its p~arents?"
Some scientists" began Mr.. Gay,
significantly, consider kissing danger
ous. Do youf" We'll" replied Miss
Smart, Il think it would be for you.
My big brother is within call."-Ex-
change.
when young fellers begins a-court-
in" said Farmer Haicede, they jest
gifts crazy, an tibet thar boy Jim o.
mine amt no exception" whats Jim
bin a-doin'?" asked Farmer SOanreep.
Hanged If he didn't go inter town
yesterd'y an spend a hull siXpence fur
a teethbrush"
Yes" said the boarding-school
teacher, 81 think that is a model letter
for you to write your fiance. But OF
course you will copy it, leaving out
those numerous spaces?" "Oh, dear,
no!' replied the girl. Those are for
dearest l have it on a rubber
stamp."-Detroit Free Press.
Mr.. Phoxy-I was going to ask you
to try this little trick. Multiply the
years of your age by three, subtract
twenty-one from the total and what's
the answer? Miss Kute-You should
be able to guess the answer at once.
Mr.. PhoXy-What is it? Miss Kute--
None of your usiness.-Philadelphia
Press.
The honest mar Ito theater-door ten
der)-I see that you have signs in the
lobby saying that tickets bought Of
spectators will not be accepted. Now,
| want to inform you that l bought
my ticket of a speculator. Door Ten
der with a sickly smile)-Say, you re-
formers give me a pain in the solar
plexus! G'wan in!--Exchange.
Edgar had been asked to write a
composition about the camel. This is
what he evolved: THE camel has four
stomachs, and can 60 four weeks with
out feeding them, remembering the
week by counting the stomach he hap
pens to be using at the time; and so,
coming in out Of the field once a
month, as regular as a clock, for his
breakfast, which is mostly water"
They had been talking as they
walked. She had remarked paren
thetically: "Oh, it must be terrible to
a man to be rejected by a woman"
Indeed it must" was his response.
Then after a while, with sympathetic
disingenuousness, she exclaimed: II
don't think that l could ever have tho
heart to do it," And there came a
silence between them as he thought it
over.-Tit-Bits.
In a small village in Yorkshire an
old laborer once went into a neigh
boris cottage. In the corner of the
little kitchen stood a grandfather
clock, on the dial Of which was the
customary figure Of an old man holding
a scythe, and above was the time-worn
inscription, 'Tempus fugit." Looking
wisely up at the clock, the old man
said to the owner: AYE, tempus
fugit! Same man as made ours, l seer
Tit Bits.
General "Phil' Sheridan was at one
time asked at what little incident did
he laugh the most. "Well," he said,
II do not know, but l always laugh