davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Savannah morning news., 1904-11-24
o-HS-
BRIGHT BITS.

-Algy: 1t takes three generations
to make a gentleman, you know.
Penelope: What chap you are for
looking ahead.-Life.
Teacher; Johnny, what is the most
effective way to punctuate a sentence?
Johnny: Depends on who's talk
ing. Pa usually swears.-Detroit Free
Press.
Clarence: Your valet went on a
strike. did he? Bless my soul! I hope
you didn't accede to his demands.
Claude: Pom M life, 1 had to, old
chapl The cunning cweatuah thweat-
ened to leave me one morning when
l was half-dwessed.-Bro Life.
"A Little Busybody.-Mrs. Small:
Your husband makes me laugh so. Mrs.
Cassidy. He is so Irish in his speech.
Mrs. Cassidy: Is he so, ma'am?
Mrs. Small: Yes, he has such a
queer way of getting words twisted
out of place.
Mrs. Cassidy: Ah Yes, l noticed that
very thing to-day. He told me We
were busy little body" meanin',
suppose. as everybody knows, that
ye're-well, what we are, ma'am.-Phil-
adelphia Press
The Savannah morning news., 1904-11-24
Another Confidence Game,

Il want to see the man that an
swers the questions" said the heavy
footed caller who had climbed up
three or four flights of stairs, accord
ing to the Chicago Tribune.
What do you want of him?" asked
the man at the desk.
ITS this way" said the other, drop
ping into a chair. "A Teller that's al
ways talking imperialism and predict
ing a monarchy for this country Of
fered to bet me dollar and a half
that the people wouldn't be allowed
to choose a President for 1908. 1 took
him up, and we agreed to leave it to
you"
You've lost" the man at the desk
decided. 1.-THE President for 1908 is all
ready chosen. But the people, of
course, will choose the President for
the term beginning in 1909, and"
Il thought there was some catch in
it," interrupted the caller, rising from
his chair and dumping toward the
door; but 1 wasn't goin' to let him
bluff me-darn my fool hide! Good
day."
The Savannah morning news., 1904-11-24

In commenting on the retirement of
Senator CoclSrell OF Missouri from the
United States Senate. after thirty
years of service In that body, as one
consequence of the recent election.
some of the Republican papers are d.
recting attention to the fact that 'he
leaves the Senate as poor as he en-
tered it." That seems to strike them
as quite a remarkable circumstance.
They do not appear TO understand how
II Is possible for man to have been
In the Senate, at a salary OF $1,000 a
year. for more than quarter OF a
century and yet leave the service any,
thing less than a millionaire. There
have been examples of Republican
statesmen who have gone into the SEN
ate relatively poor and In a few years
amassed fortunes. II hasn't been
many years since one leading Repub-
lican Senator boldly asserted that he
made use OF Information secured by
him as senator 20 further his spec.
ulations IN sugar stocks. and virtually
asked, Whose business IL Il, and
what are you going to DO about itY'
But Senator cockroll. a good repre-.
sentative 81 Southern, Democratic
statesmanrhip. dld not make use Of hi,
Official position for money making. And
in this particular u may safely bo snit
that boz ia typical % tho Southern
Democratic member ~ the Senate.
The Savannah morning news., 1904-11-24
----------------s-7-
Where Land Was Poor.

A few Nebraska farmers, says the
Nebraska State journal. may remem-
Der having lived as boys in commune
ties where land was as poor as that
described in the following story:
Bourke Cochran was condemning a
certain popular novel,
THAT novel," he said, lis as poor as
Elmo county land"
us Elmo county land very poor and
barren?" asked one of Mr.. Cockran's
interlocutors.
"Is it?" said he. 'Well, I should
say it is. Once two strangers rode on
horseback through Elmo county, and
the barrenness of the land amazed
them. Nothing but weeds and rocks
everywhere. AS they passed a farm
house they saw an old man sitting in
the garden, and they said:
A" Poor chap! Poor, poverty stricken
old fellow
"The old man overheard them, and
called out in a shrill voice:
Gents, amt so poor and poverty
stricken as We think. don't own none
of this land"
The Savannah morning news., 1904-11-24
THE sHIPPING QUESTION.

II was stated in our dispatches yes
terday that the Merchant Marine Com
mission met in Washington on Tues
day and decided to make its report
with bill on Dec. 4. 1t is hoped the
report will be unanimous, though the
| probability is that it will not be. 1t
! is understood that no attempt will be
made to revive the Frye-Payne ship
| ping bill which provides for a system
of subsidies. If this is the case it is
| pretty safe to say that the commission
will recommend a method for reYiving
our shipbuilding interests other than
that of subsidies. The commission has
probably found that the sentiment
against subsidies is too strong TO be
overcome.
When the commission was at Bruins
wick, in this state. recently Col. w.
e. Kay of that city addressed 1t in
a speech which appears to have at
tracted some attention. The New
York Journal of Commerce comment
ed on it at considerable length. The
point made by Col. Kay was that the
reason money wasn't invested in ship
building in this country was that it
could be employed more profitably In
other ways, and that when the time
came that money could be made in
building and operating ships we should
own ships enough to carry our COM
merce.
What Col. Kay said is no doubt true.
1t amounted to saying that until the
manufacturers of steel are willing to
accept less for their products and me-
chanics are willing to accept less for
their labor we cannot have a great
merchant marine unless we are will
ing to pay the price Of it. OF course
it has been well understood all along
that the purpose of subsidies was to
bridge the difference between what it
costs to build and operate ships in
other countries and to build and OPP
crate them in this country.
The question might be asked why
it is that steel products and labor are
cheaper in Germany and England than
in this country. There are several
reasons, the main one being probably
our high tariff. There is no doubt of
course that steel can be made as
cheaply in this country as in Eng
land or any other country, and is made
as cheaply, Notwithstanding the high
er cost of labor. That this is true is
shown by the fact that our steel pro-
ducts are sold In England in competi-
ton with English steel products.
There is no doubt, however, that our
steel manufacturers are not going to
sell the output of their factories in the
home market, which is their great mar
ket, for less than they are getting as
long as they can maintain present
prices. Therefore, as Col. Kay says,
money will not be put in shipbuilding
until conditions become such that
profit can be made on the investment
The shipbuilding question will COM
mand considerable attention at the ap-
preaching session of Congress, but it
is doubtful if any shipbuilding legis-
lation will be enacted.
The Savannah morning news., 1904-11-24

The determination OF Rev. DR.. A.
NJ. Williams to request that he be not
returned to his Savannah pastorate
seems TO be conclusive, and will doubt
less be respected by the conference au-
thoritiss. That DR.. williams has
good and sufficient reasons for the DO
sition he has taken there can be no
question. He will continue In the
ministry. to which he has given so
many years OF devoted and efficient
service. but in just what position he
Will labor hereafter remains 20 be de-
termined. During an intimate ac-
ouaintance OF some seven years the
people OF Savannah have come to re-
gard DR.. Williams with highest re-
Hpect and appreciation. both az citl-
zen and ~ a minister OF the gospel.
His high-mindednoss broadneas ana
sincerity have impressed all who have
Hat under the sound on hls voice or
read hif sermons ana ARTICLES aa re-
ported IN the papers. ~ leaving sa-
fannah BE- VIII take with him tho rest
kindly regard VI the whole community.
The Savannah morning news., 1904-11-24
PERSONAL.

Roosevelt is the second President
elected while wearing q mustache.
Cleveland was the first.
j. v. v. Olcott spent $3.50 and
Jacob Rupert $685. in the campaign
in which they have been elected Con-
, gressmen in New York city.
William NJ. o. Dawson, the Repub-
lican Governor-elect of West Virginia
is so years old, and began life as a
printer, then became an editor and Is
now lawyer.
Judge Thomas J. Humes, former
ly Mayor of Seattle, Wash, who drop
ped dead on the street at Fairbank,
Alaska, the other day. was a double
of Mark Twain in more than looks,
as he was noted among his friends as
a humorist.
While American brides are sending
to Paris for their trousseaux, Princess
Cecilia, who on Whilhem's death will
become Empress of Germany by virtue
of her approaching marriage to the
crown prince, is ordering large part
of her outfit from this country. She
is said to be the best-dressed woman
in the Kaiser's empire.
The Savannah morning news., 1904-11-24

Mrs. c. one morning last week
thought she smelled gas. says the Bir-
mingham (Eng.) Post. Bravery came
to her mysteriously and she crept
downstairs to investigate. After
smelling about for some minutes she
rushed upstairs. called Mr.. c., then
shook him, and at last aroused him.
Then this was heard:
John. there's a leak I'm the gas pipe
In the kitchen. Wen all die If it is not
fixed"
Leaks had been heard OF before, and
Mr.. &. sleepilv asked:
us It a-leaking much now?"
mot muchl" screamed his wife
and then. as Mr.. G. turned over. this
soothing advice was given:
PUT a bucket under It and come
TO bed"
The Savannah morning news., 1904-11-24
CLAY PIPES IN LONDON.
From the london chronIeIe

The pipe that you color" Is scarce
Is ever seen nowadays. Forty years
ago every little country town had It's
expert who made and baked clay pipes,
as well AZ the smokers who bought
them by the dozen at a time. To-day
you may walk the Strand and look
long before you see a clap pipe In a
shop window. We believe the last club
IN London IN which the long clay was
smoked was the Arundel. where the old
men used them from habit and the
young as a compliment 10 the past
Even the meerschaum. the clay pipe
OF the classes" In seldom seen. For "A
mocrfchaum pipe IA more eKacfing than
q wife ln ~ claim Tor the trousers"
The Savannah morning news., 1904-11-24
MILLIONAIRE coMPETTTIoN.
From the New York world.


Andrew Carnegie has assured
Pittsburg people that If they are real
ly DESTROYS Of having a university
which shall beat anything in the coun-
try he win help.
Imaginations falters when 1t at
tempts to picture the struggle that
must follow among the philanthropists
when such pacemaker starts to the
school-making race. Fancy the scene
at the Millionaires' Club five years
from now when Mr.. Carnegie will come
swinging jauntily into the room with
his golf clubs under his arm.
Well, john" he will say, II have
Just added 200 acres to the Psttsburg
campus and deposited $1,000. 900 in steel
bonds as endowment to provide gym
nasium facilities"
Mr.. Rockefeller will rub his hands
in glee and say:
Too late, Andrew. Very good in its
way, but antiquated. have just
bought Lake Michigan for the Uni
versity of Chicago, for it's crews to
practice on. All out at Sault Ste. Ma
RE hereafter"
Mr.. Vanderbilt will look up from his
paper and remark casually:
i might say that the family has
just purchased all the land within two
miles OF the ale campus, and Will
cover it with dormitories."
Mr.. Vanderbilt will say this very
modestly, but with a CLEAN of triumph
in his eye. But 'Ah!" he will exclaim,
as he return to his paper. Boy.
bring my check book! Gentlemen, Mrs.
Stanford has just bought the Sierra
Nevada mountains for the school of
forestry of the Leland Stanford. Jr.,
University"
The three rich men will pale at this
announcement.
There's one thing left to do!' they
will cry in chorus. Raise the pro-
fessors' salaries. We must stay at the
top"
I give an annual income of $100, 900
to raise the professors salaries" one
of the millionaires will blurt out.
A college professor who happened to
be guest at this club that evening
will be carried out fainting.
The Savannah morning news., 1904-11-24
A Lung Chnse.

An attendant in one OF the branches
OF the New York public library no
ticed that a little negro boy who came
frequently 10 the library invariably
went TO the same shelf and took the
same book. which he seemed 70 enjoy
Immensely, says the New York Times.
Curious 20 know the name OF che book,
she followed him 10 the shelf. whore she
found him looking az a picture Of an
old darkey being chased By a bull. A
wide grin stretched from side 10 side
OF the little fellows face.
whats the joker" asked the sur
Driscd attendant
DOLLY be ain't ketchod I'm YETI
replied she delighted child.
The Savannah morning news., 1904-11-24
WEST END LINE nincoIn Park

Car leaves west side Of City Market for Lin.
thereafter until ii:45 .. m
Car leaves Lincoln Park for Market e:s0a n
and every 40 minutes thereafter until ~ O'Clock
midnight
FREI0Hr AND PARCFLCAR
Leaves east side OF City Market for Thunder.
Doll, Cattle Park, Sandhy. Isle OF Hope and al
p. m. - y
Leaves Isle Of Hope for Sandnv. Cattle park,
Thunderbolt and all intermediate points-o:Oo
a. m, II 90 a. m, 800 D. m
Freight car leaves Montgomeryat55O q To-
and 2:s5 p M, connecting at Sandfy with reg
ular parcel car foi city.
Parcel car from the city carries freight u
Montgomery on each trip
Regular parcel car carries trailer on each
trip for accommodation OF passengetk
Any further information regarding passen'
ger schedule orfreight service can DO had ~
applying TO L. II. NASH. Manager
The Savannah morning news., 1904-11-24
our STAMP SUPPLY.
From the Boston Globe.

We shall print more than 6.5OOo.ooo
hostage stamps this year. We have
a bureau of engraving and printing
which strikes off 2O,SOO,OO0 stamps every
day.
THE daily shipment Of stamps to the
upward of 10000 postofiices throughout
the United States runs from 100000
70 100000.
The stamp production of the coun-
try is probably a better gage or It's
prosperity than any other, for the
country canont possibly be hourishine
when there are few stamps used. There
is no more accurate barometer OF the
financial and Industrial conditions OF
the nation than the order sheet for
stamps. About 100000. 5000 are always
kept on hand for an emergency.
The Savannah morning news., 1904-11-24
Rrxan,s RInr Went.

William Jennings Bryan while MAX
ing his recent stamping tour found he
would be compelled to wait half an
hour or more for his train. says the
New York Herald. Taking a seat in
the waiting room. he drew forth a
cigar and lighted it. Just then a por-
ter entered and. pointing to a sign,
said:
Il beg your pardon, sir, but you see
that smoking is not allowed in this
ROOM"
"Well," replied Mr.. Bryan. IT sup
pose that rule is not always strictly
enforced?"
"Oh, no, sir; neither is the one along
side OF it," said the man with a grin.
Employees of this railway are not
permitted 10 accept tips"
Mr.. BRYAN finished his cigar undis-
turbed
The Savannah morning news., 1904-11-24
COLLINSVHLE LINE

Beginning at 5:48 a. m. cars leave
Waters road and Estill avenue every
80 minutes until HAS D. m.
Beginning at 6:15 a. m. cars leave
City Market for Waters road and
Estill avenue every 80 minutes until
1915 midnight.
Through cars are operated between
Market and Thunderbolt via Collins
Vile and Dale avenue as follows:
Lv. Market. Lv. Thunderbolt.
GAS A. M. 7.3O A. M.
6:45 p. M. 1880 p. M.
The Savannah morning news., 1904-11-24

The Republican landslide OF Nov. 8
will be in evidence in the House of
Representatives during the next two
years. Returns received by the clerk
of the House indicate the election OF
251 Republican and 1876 Democratic
members. This will give the Repub-
leans a majority of 116 and shows a
gain by them OF "a members as COM
pared with the makeup of the present
House.
The Savannah morning news., 1904-11-24
wORLD,s LARGEST HOSPITAL.
Berlin Correspondent of the Londo
Telegraph.

Berlin will shortly be able to boast
that 1t contains the largest hospital m
the world. The new institution, which
Is to be called after the famous physl-
ologist, the Rudolf Virchow Hospital,
will be fitted with accommodations Tot
. 600 natients. When fully equipped 1t
win have a staff of $50 physicians,
nurses. attendants and servants. In
connection with the hospital there will
be pathological and anatomical labor
atory, bath house with medico-me-
chanical institute, section for Roent-
gen appliances and separate build
ing also for apothecaries. Hitherto the
largest German hospital was that at
F,p1endorf. near Hamburg, with ac-
commodation for 1000 patients. The
size OF the new Berlin hospital may
the London Hospital, with $50 beds,
and the Marylebone Infirmary' with
744
The Savannah morning news., 1904-11-24

Secretary Taft's receptions at New
Orleans and Pensacola must have
convinced that gentleman that much
of the stuff he has been reading in
Northern Republican papers about the
aloofness of the South is pure parti-
san poppycock.
The Savannah morning news., 1904-11-24

Telegraphic communication has now
been established between Seattle and
Alaska, by the completion of S,51s miles
Oh cables and land lines. 1t will,
therefore, be possible to serve news
fresh from the cold storage every dav.
The Savannah morning news., 1904-11-24
Hoods JdrS1pdrilIa
and Pills

Remove all humors, overcome an
their effects, strengthen, tone and
invigorate the whole system.
81 had salt rheum on my hands 30 that
could not work. I took Hoods sarsaparinA
and 1t drove out the humor. continued
its use till the sores disappeared" Ma.
LEA 0. Brown. Rumford Falls, Ne.
Hoods Sarsaparllia promises "a
cure and keeps the promise,
The Savannah morning news., 1904-11-24
THUNDERBoLT LINE.

CITY Market to Casino and Thunder
bolt via Bolton Street Junction.
Beginning at $50 a. m. cars leave
CITY Market for Casino at Thunder
bolt every half hour until 1890 D. m.
cars leave Bolton street junction
IS minutes after leaving time AT CITY
Market
Beginning at $3.50 a. m. cars leave
Live Oak Station for city every half
hour. until 1908 midnight.
The Savannah morning news., 1904-11-24

There is a report in Washington to
the effect that the Marquise dc Mon
stiers. formerly Miss Caldwell. who the
other day renowned her allegiance to
the Catholic religion, win institute a
suit 70 recover AT least a part OF the
money she gave the Catholic univer-
sity. Whether this report II well
founded remains 10 be seen. Another
report "a that the name. Caldwell
Hall" given one ~ the university
buildings 90 recognition of the Gin.
win be- changed II ~ % be expected.
however. thai many sensational stories
with little founluilon will boz told about
the matter before it b. finally settled.
The Savannah morning news., 1904-11-24

Bishop Spellmeyer of Cincinnati was
a Methodist minister In New Jersey
for thirty-two years before he was
raised to the bishopric. Speaking Of
his first experiences as a bishop. the
other night. he said that he was ex-
tremely lonesome when he found
himself without pastorate or
a Sunday-school or an Ep-
worth League of his own. but
one night. before had been in Gin
cinnati very long" he said. my home
sickness was dispelled by a familiar
song. The singer was a big Jersey
mosquito and felt that I had friends
close at hand" Doubtless the Bishop
and his Jersey friend bandueted to-
gether that night. with the Bishop as
the chef doeuvre.
The Savannah morning news., 1904-11-24

Peoria, Ill, is one of the largest
whisky distilling cities of the country.
And yet Peoria the other day elected
Prohibitionist to the state Legisla-
ture. Maybe the idea was to take him
away from temptation.
The Savannah morning news., 1904-11-24
The Weather.

The indications for Georgia for to-
day are for fair weather, with fresh
northwest winds. Eastern Florida fair
weather, with light to fresh north
winds.
The Savannah morning news., 1904-11-24

"Sir Lauder Brunton, an eminent
British physician. announces his dis
covery of powder by which bad tenn
pers will be instantly cured. News
Item. Oh, happy day! Could a more
delightful announcement come on
Thanksgiving? What pleasing pros
pect is opened up by Sir Lauder
Brunton! If papa, walking the baby
in the middle of the night, steps on
a tack. he will have only to swallow
a powder and he will at once see what
fine joke it was. If the waiting
maid spills soup over the new silk
gown of milady, an anti-temper pow
der will make things all right in a
jiffy and milady will laugh heartily
over the incident. If Jones calls Smith
a double-twisted. back-action, double-
vamped liar, Smith will swallow a
powder and hold out his hand cordial
ly, saying, Shake, old fellow; the
joke is on mel" Bully for Brunton,
the buster and banisher of bad tenn
pers! He merits a monument.
The Savannah morning news., 1904-11-24

Our national constitution provides
that persons convicted of crime shall
not be subjected to cruel or unusual
parently, does not extend to persons
| accused of crime, Notwithstanding the
law presumes every person accused to
be innocent until proved guilty. The
authorities, it seems, are at liberty to
inf1ict the utmost mental torture upon
those accused. in the hope of forcing
them to disclose their guilt. The days
Of the Inquisition presented nothing
more gruesome than that disinter-
ment of murdered mans body
and bolstering it up to point an ac-
cusing finger at certain suspects, re-
counted in our Chicago dispatches two
or three days ago. And in the Nan
Patterson trial in New York, related
in yesterdays dispatches. skeleton
was brought in and pieces Of skin
from the murdered mans fingers were
placed in evidence. Can it be doubted
that all of this was for the purpose of
working on the mind of the poor devil
Oh woman at the par ana causing
her to do or say something calculated
to prejudice. her case? The mental
torture to which she was subjected
must have been severe in the extreme.
While it may be true that she is not
all that a good woman should be, it is
nevertheless the fact that she is hui
man being. capable of exquisite suf-
fering; and as such she ought to be
immune from cruel and unusual pun
fshment. The incuisitorial methods
practiced upon her viii win her friends
and sympathy.
The Savannah morning news., 1904-11-24

To-day for the football games! To-
morrow the statisticians will begin to
take account of the number of dead
and wounded,
The Savannah morning news., 1904-11-24
I'LL Hun7ors

Arc Impure matters which the skin
liver Kidneys and other organs can
not take care of without help, there i,
such an accumulation of them.
They litter the whole system.
Pimples, boils, eczema and othe,
eruptions, loss of appetite. that tired
feeling, bilious turns, flts OF indiges.
ton, dull headaches and many Other
troubles are due to them.
The Savannah morning news., 1904-11-24
MII4L-HAvEN SCHEDULE.
Effectiva Ii1lv 10 1an9

L1NI1NG SPE(TA 10.
Leave Whitaker Leave MIL
anu pay Sts. Haven.
I'M. Pm.
.S'zV $40
!V:VV 1920
!V:aV 400
11:zO 1900
The Savannah morning news., 1904-11-24
MONTGOMERY SCHEDULE.
Between Montgomery and 4Oth Stres

.Connects with parcel car for CITY.
Through to Thunderbolt.
s1S-minute wait at Sandfiy going TO
city. "
Between MONTGOMERY e ThnndaboII