The Birmingham age-herald., 1904-11-15
COMMENTS ON MEN AND
 MATTERS OF THE WORLD

asks if mules kick and a smile ripples over the editorial face of the entire eoun- try as each paragrapher sharpens his pencil to reply; a Russian officer comes into prominence bearing a panoramic name, and everybody begins to wonder how he can live up to it; the breakfast table inspires quips at the expense of the beef trust and breakfast foods; a trip down town suggests a few remarks on the urbanity of trolley car conductors and the end-seat hog; the ride to the top of a building in an elevator offers the ele- vator boy for inspection and subsequent dissection; no matter what happens. something about a mans mother-in-law will creep in, and few indeed are the oe- casions In life that do not stir up the memories of the pert paragrapher.
 But the Kentucky whisky paragraph. the Carrie Nation paragraph, the Phila- delphia paragraph, the Harry Lehr para graph and all those other paragraphs that have done such yoeman service have one good quality. They are not abstruse. Everybody can understand the joke when an editorial humorist says that John D. Rockefeller has nearly every thing but hair and an appetite. No one has to consult the dictionary in order to see what is meant. If the reader feels justified in smiling he smiles and goes on to the next paragraph with clear conscience. It does not take an astute person to appreciate the average news paper paragraph As a matter of fact, astute people frequently show a discour- aging lack of appreciation when those who are less astute laugh cordially. graph or the result of a surplus of astuteness remains for the pert para grapher to explain. Tn order to be ef- fective paragraph must be easy to un- derstand, and while the humor of some newspaper paragraphs would require a diagram in order to make them clear so long as the staple subjects are ad- hered to there Is at least no danger of a misunderstanding.
 To take up matter that has received newspaper wits, the Filipino dog-eaters are already beginning to wend their way back home, wearing American clothes, speaking broken English, owning a thirst and otherwise showing the remarkable progress they have made in acquiring civilization during their brief sojourn in the United States. Before very much longer all the Igorrotes, the Negritos, the Visayans and the other Filipinos will have departed. These visitors from afar have been treated with distinguished con- sideration by the people of the United States. While they have not been wined and dined exactly they have been talked about enough to suit the most exacting and their savage quaintness has been exploited in the papers. The Igorrotes and their propensity for dog furnished some lively times for the pert pera- graphers and they will be greatly missed.
 Pert paragraphers have also been de- prived of another popular subject by the decision of President Roosevelt to elimi- nate delighted" from his vocabulary. It is rumored that the Presidents pet phrase has been banded about In such an unseemly manner that he has de- termined 1t shall pass his lips no more. Hereafter when he wants to express his satisfaction he will merely say, 'I am very, very happy 'I am most gratifed" ct cetera. In referring to the election henceforth it is expected that he will say, Tt was a cinch," but. there shall be no more "de-light-ed.' Hereafter when the President is pleased he will say he is happy. If he Is greatly pleased he will say he is very, very happy, and so on up to bliss. The extent of his de- light will have to be judged by the number of his ''verys." PC.