Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1904-04-15
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Dyer-Miss Ferris is 35 years old.
Would you think it? Duell-Not out
loud.
She-Would you be willing to die
for me?" He-Why, I'm dying for
you now!-Town and Country.
Bank Examiner-Where is the cash.
Ter? Gone to take a rest? President
No. he's gone to avoid arrest.-Bos-
ton Globe.
by Mr.. Gamborge. She is delighted
with it. Maude-I see; it is a picture
rather than a portrait.-Boston Tran
script.
Miss Summit-How that young Mon
roe girl has improved! Miss Palisade
Hasn't she? Why, I can remember
when she was such a modest little
tLing.-Ex.
The Slayer: "Isn't it hard to lose
your daughter?' mo, not this one; I
could have married her off a year ago.
1t is her older sister that's hard to
lose."-Houston Post.
Schoolmistress who was it
that prompted you then? heard some
one whisper that date to you. Johnnie
Please, ma'am, 1 expect it was his
tory repeatin' itself again.
Thinne-Oh, 1 wish had your voice!
Thickke-No doubt you would enjoy
using it.. Thinne-No, faint that; but
I was thinking if it were mine could
stop it when 1 Hked.-Tit Bits.
Undisputed: "Have taxpayers no
r1ghts?" demanded the impassioned Or
ator. Certainly" replied man in
the back row; they have the right to
pay taxes."-Detroit Free Press.
Molly-When you spoke to papa did
you tell him you'd got fifty pounds in
the bank? George-Yes, darling.
Molly-And what cid he say? George
He borrowed it!-Boston Globe.
"Do you think, then, that men de-
scended from chimpanzees?" asked
Willie Washington. "Some did, an
swered Miss Cayenne, "and some mere
ly remained stationary."-W Washington
Star.
Hannigan-Sure, these scales is no
good at all fur me. They only weigh
up to two hundred pounds, an Oim
near to two hundred and fifty. Flan-
nigan-Well, man alive, can't ye git
on thin twice?
A Soft Heart: Freddy-Boo- hoo!
Sissy's gone and killed that little fly
on the window" Mother-Im glad to
see my little Freddy is so tender-heart-
ed. Freddy-It isn't that. 1 w-wanted
to k-kill it myself. e-Up.
"And what did you say" asked the
caller, when he told you that your
pie wasn't like the pie his mother used
to make?" "Well," replied the hostess,
with toss of her head, II made few
remarks like my mother used to
make" Herald.
''Huhr' grumbled Mr.. Skinnay, who
was being uncomfortably crowded by
the jolly looking fat man in the trolley
car, "these cars should charge by
weight" "Ihink SOP" replied the fat
man; ''then they wouldn't think it
delphia Public Ledger.
A countryman and his son put up''
at city hotel. Son out seeing the
town. Old gent comes down from his
room at midnight and says to the night
clerk: HAS my son come in yet?"
Night Clerk-Guess not. Haven't seen
him. Old Gent you needn't set
up for him any longer.
The woman was doing her shipping.
The counter jumper handed her a pack
age, and she slowly turned away. do
need anything else?" she absent
bought some lawn ventured the
clerk; don't you think you will need
some hose?"-Princeton Tiger.
Every doctor knows the man and
woman who try to extract free med
ical advice. One such inquirer greet
ed an eminent physician with this
remark: Il hear fish is an excellent
brain food. Do you think so?' "Ex-
cellent," was the reply, ''but in your
case it seems a pity to waste the
fish,
Strong ON Etiquette: Bill-Oh, yes,
he's great on etiquette. Jill-Is that
right? Bill-Sure! Why, he was tell
ing me only yesterday that if a man
is smoking while walking down the
street with lady, the cigar should al
ways be in the side Of the mouth fur
thest removed from the ladyi-Boston
Transcript.
An Accommodating Cook: Mrs. A (at
the 'phone)-Wait minute till I ask
Bridget. If she has no objections I'll
be delighted to lunch with you to-mor-
row. "a moment later: Oh, hello! Mrs.
B., yes, I can. Bridget says I can.
Isn't it lovely? Thanks, ever so much.
Good by. Mrs. B. (soliloquizing envi-
ously)-What wouldn't l give for a
cook like that!-Detroit Free Press.
Never heard what broke up their