Chicago eagle. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1889-19??, 1904-08-06

he wishes American girls to under.
stand that he doesn't need the money.
~9A
When Mr.. Fairbanks entered college
he had only one pair of trousers. But
that was not SO wonderful. When
Judge Parker was born he had none.
~e0A
1t is easy to acquire fortune. All
you have TO do Is to quit spending
your money In trying to get something
for nothing.
The olive crop Is a failure. but the
cucumber pickle crop Is fully up to
the average. The American girl will
be happy yet, you bet.
~G2A
Edward Atkinson wants to know
what we are to do to get cheaper fuel.
One way Is to save up the campaign
literature and the kindliDg wood from
the party platform.
~eA
Dowle says he Is going to put King
Edward and Emperor William out Of
the ruling business. 1t Is hard to keep
from admiring Dowie's confidence In
himself.
~6A
The action Of those three New York
hobOes who held up a score Of their
own kind goes FAR to disprOve the as
sertiOn that there Is honor among
thieves.
~6A
We nre informed that the Japs are
natural-born politicians. The infOrma.
tlon Is confirmed by the fact that they
are taking passes on oil the Russian
roads.
Pity the poor war correspondents.
1t Is much less wearing on the consu.
tuition not to know what Is going on
than to know all about 1t and not be
able to tell.
~>
Bandit Raisuli has decided to get
married. There may be trouble In the
Raisuli family the next time he brings
a strange man home to dinner without
notice.
When we read that the wife Of u
bishop was robbed Of $4,000 worth OF
jewels we are forcibly reminded that
the simple life Of the early Christians
has been placed on the shelf with
some Of the older orthodox doctrines.
That renowned engine that drew the
Worlds Fair express SO many years
ago. and smashed the records In doing
1t. now hauls an humble milk train. To
such base uses may even inanimate
things come at last.
~
A clublady has discovered that
woman has a keener sense Of humor
than man-and goes on to establish
the great fundamental truth that near
ly all mans failings are due to his
natural c0nceit.
~6A
The Kaiser promises to visit Amer
lea when the voyage across the Attain
tic Is reduced to 1.-TWO or three days.
4 man who is busy bossing the uni
verse can't afford to waste six days
on an ocean steamship.
~6
Bishop Potter's wife has been
robbed Of $4,000 worth Of jewels. 1t
IL only fair to say for the benefit OF
young men who are thinking Of enter
ing the ministry that the jewels were
not purchased with money saved out
OF the good bishops salary.
1t has been discovered that the Mar.
quis of Anglesey had 100000 worth
Of paste gems. which We're 30 well
made that even experts had to exam
Inc them twice before they We're able
to detect the counterfeit. Why moi
have the real thing when paste costs
nearly as much and looks the same?
Probably one reason why Mr.. Rocke
feller Is glad that he Is loyal Amer
lean instead of a subject of King Ed
ward is because II he lived In England
his income tax assessment annually
1t Is said. would keep five Of his ma
jesty's first-class battleships in com
mission. 1t costs sorry lot to be q
multimillionaire in some countries.
The evident desire and intention OF
several of the magazine editors of oul
land to raise the standard Of the mat,
ter appearing In their periodicals IL
S0methinD fhnf will ba most hon rtil lu