The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1904-04-02

help any one else keep one.-Ex.
rs your wife club woman. Mike"
Marry the like O. thot. sor. She uses
a fiatiron. sor."-Detroit Free Press.
"Say, pa, what's 'multum in par
voT" Those three dumplings you
have just eaten" Chicago Record
Herald.
Winkle--I have been over in En-
gland visiting the nobility. Van Ant
ler-What did you think of our Amer
lean girls?-Ex.
Worth the Sacrifice.-Staylate-
May have a kiss before 60? Miss
Weary-If l give you one will you
really go?-Judge.
Henri-lf l kissed you. would you
give 1t away to your father? Marie
OF course not! What would he want
with your kisses?-Le Vie Parisienne.
Departing Boarder-Tm sorry we
couldn't get along, but l hope you are
willing to let bygones be bygones.
Landlady-Does that include your
board bill, Mr.. Slopay7
The Smart Man: de really smaht
man." said Uncle Eben, SIS de one dat
has sense enough to know dat he's IL
able to be fooled de same as anybody
else. "-Washington Star.
Tom-Your uncle asked after your
health several times; displayed quite
tender solicitude; in fact Dick
Yes. his solicitude Is tender, but I'M
fortunately, not legal tender.-Ex.
'Now this won't do you know"
What won't?" This line: Her eyes
were like stars" why not?' why,
poets have been using that for ages.
Be up to date! Say Like radium.' y
Detroit Free Press.
The Parson-Dis am mos positively
de mos 'streemly juiciest choking I
eber put in nah mouth, Brer Jackson.
Brer Jackson-Yes, sab, pahson; dat
choking wuz raised an brung up on
watermillions, sah.--Leslie's Weekly.
Boy-My mother said there was a
pound Of sand in the last box OF
prunes you sent up. Grocer-Well.
you tell your mother that was the best
scrubbing sand. She Is good GUS
toner, and l threw that in.-Philadel-
phia Record.
Fond Parent Ito young hopeful
Unless you keep your face and hands
clean, your teeth brushed, and look
neat, the children Of nice people won't
have anything to do with you-they
won't play with you. Young Hopeful
Il bet If / had a goat and wagon
they would.-Judge.
Gladys" said Chumley to his man.
nish sister, 1--WE done so much for
you, you should write me a testimo-
NAL" "A testimonials" Yes. You
might say, Dear Brother-Once was
timid, delicate girl, but since using
your collars, shirts and ties I have be-
come a new woman"
Father-So you took dinner at Will
lie Stout's house to-day. l hope when
1t came to extra helpings you had
manners enough to say NO" Tommy
oh, yes, sir, l said mo" several
times. Father-You did, eh? Tommy
Yes, sir; Mrs Stout kept askin' me
II had enough. Press.
Aged Husband-You are going to
ruin me with your extravaganza. You
don't need that cape any more than a
cat needs two tails. How often have
l told you never to buy anything be-
cause 1t is cheap? Young Wife with
L. - ho M
Of the argument)-But 1t was not
cheap; it cost $50!
Mother-Elsie, your sister tells me
you took a second helping of pudding
at Mrs. Browns to-day. Little Elsie
So | did, mamma "Do you think that
was right, Elsie?" Yes. You know
you have often told me not to contra
dict any one, and Mrs Brown said, I
know Elsie will have second helping
to pudding and couldn't contradict
her. could ~
Bridget and Pat were reading an ar
ticle on "The Law of Compensation"
Just fancyv' exclaimed Bridget. "Ac-
cordin' to this, whin mon loses wan
of his sinses another gifts more de-
veloped. For instance. blond mon
gifts more sinse av hearin' an touch.
an-' "Shure, an It's quite
thrue," answered Pat. "Ofve noticed
II meself. Whin a mon has wan leg
shorter than the other, begorra the
others longer"
A country vicar gave a dance to
the farmers and tenants Of his parish.
After supper he noticed certain
farmers wife looking rather discon
solate. On being Intercepted, she re-
plied: well, sir, l never was so In