Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1904-01-13
; FACTS AND FANCIES.

Mrs Dearborn think you have such
an original husband.
Mrs Wabash-O Original nothing! He's
my sixteenth .-Yonkers Statesman.
He-And what 90 you suppose your
father would say if you told him | was
an actor!
She He'd say Rats 1 guess
YonkerS Statesman.
Elect me President of the United
States said the Prohibition candidate,
land l viii guarantee that my secretary
of the treasury shall see that the money
market never gets tight. Life.
Bacon-They can train dogs to do al
most anything, can't they?
Egbert-Why, yes; my lawyer told me
that the Eskimo dogs are even trained
to draw conveyances.-Y Onkers States
man..
George. did you know that was
going TO marry your sister,, We'll; |
heard her say so, but she's had that idea
about so many other fellers that ! didn' t
feel sure about it till you told me-
Brooklyn Life.
Are YOU superstitious
Just little" answered young Mrs.
TorkinS: whenever [ see a poster an
nouncing a race meeting | can't help
thinking it is sign Of bad luck. =
Washington Star.
Had a .Pull-The Hare-I hear that
the badgers place was raided by Il hunt
ing party.
The Fox-Did they catch him?
The Hare-No: one of the hounds
tipped him off.-Brooklyn Life.
Tommy-When you want to call a per-
son selfish yeu always say he's looking
out for Number One, don't you?
Pa-Unless you're speaking of n
widow. my son. She's looking out for
Number Two.-Philadelphia Press.
Kitty believe you think just as
much of Minnie Hawha as you do of
George Why, l actually. abominate
her.
Kitty-George, you are such dear.
Boston Transcript.
Il don't believe i'll paying fancy prices
for custom-made clOthes,' said kloseman.
Now, here's q suit | bought ready made
for 81. If | We're to tell you / paid $50
for it. wouldn't you believe it,"
Il might If YOU told me over the tcle-
phone. Philadelphia Press.
But, Maria, look at that terrible dust
on the banisters."
Yes, .ma'anl: that's because Master
Jimmie IS sick
He amt bean sliding down this morn
ing. browning Magazine
sheriff sold you out o house an
home:"
oh, yes-but Providence fixed him.
'Providence?"
Yes; harricane blowed the house
down two minutes after he had levied
on it.-Atlanta Constitution.
Its Mr.. Borough" said the office
boy. He says he wants to see You on
a very important matter" well" re-
piled Markley. didn't you tell him L
was, busy" Yes, bur ne says he won't
I'd be short. Philadelphia Press
Mr.. Hammerkck-Th was absolute
Is no taste to that turkey l bought Of
you.
The Progressive Farmer-Wel, taste
isn't the main thing. That turkey was
the most nutritious bird ! ever sold; it
had been fattened on health food
Brooklyn Life.
Here's a good thing said Jokeley
over his paper. Here's western wild
over named William Few, who married
again within a week of his first wife's
death" And do you call that good
thing?' demanded his wife. well, it S
good arithmetic. Ak Twice one is Tew."-
Philadelphia Ledger.
DO you trust the reformed canni-
bals:" asked the newly arrived mission
AIRY.
Il try to trust them,' answered the
resident missionary: but it is very diff
cult not TO be suspicious when l sit down
to one of their meals and am offered
mock-turtle soup. "-Judge.
Nike said Flooding Pete, what
would you do if you was to wake up and
find yourself railway PRESIDENT
Il dunno" answered Meandering
Mike. Human nature is human nature.
I s'pose I'd git mercenary an begin to
worry about all de rides I've been beat
in de company out f."-Washington
Star.
Toast to His Sweetheart
Here's q toast. to the girl
Who with gpptle, guile
+ Setssiny hesirt ina whirl
4 BY a single smile
When / wed her, may I find her
Just as excellent a cook
AS she was pretty angler
When she caught me on her hook.
San Francisco Bulletin.
Auntie Ito little Tommy, who has just
returned from his first day at SCHOOL,
What did you learn?
Tommy-Ditin't learn anything.
Auntie-What did you do?