davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1904-11-24
Farmer Cuisines Turkeys


1t all came about through Farmer
Cuisines reprehensibie habit of dis
cussihg his affairs with all the world
and his wife. 1t was natural that
Cuisine should swell with pride as he
viewed his flock of Thanksgiving tur-
keys. They were birds. Fat ard
feathery, with strut like the foreign
nobleman of cheap melodrama, they
basked in the sunshine of local pop
ularity and were rightly voted the
finest in the county. So far all was
well and the goose hung high in the
Cuisine household. But fate, at the
eleventh hour, a favorite time with
fate, brought the turkey farmer in
juxtaposition with his undoing, and
so kindly provided this story for the
edification of the public.
Heretofore it has been the belief
of most people that turkeys are born
to be fattened, killed and eaten. Inc
expression, He hasn't got sense
enough to come in out of the rain"
was coined, it is believed, on turkey
farm, for this species of domestic
fowl will stay out in the wet until
washed away unless its owner inter
venes in his own interests. But it
seems the turkey has been much
maligned. He is in reality a sensible
bird, as this story will prove.
Cuisine made the mistake of under
rating turkey intelligence when he
held forth one day to an admiring au-
dience of friends and relatives on the
astonishing success Of his efforts at
turkey breeding.
Look at that big fellow" said Cuts
inc, pointing at a gobbler, who stalk
ed disdainfully past with tail feathers
elevated. 81 have been fattening him
especially for the table of President
Roosevelt. He's bigger than anything
around here, and I'm going to have
him weighed and sent to the White
House for Thanksgiving. Them news
paper fellers will get a-hold of 1t and
my name will be in print from New
York to the Golden Gate. | shall kill
him in a day or two from now. The
others are all booked to go this week.
expect to do right we'll with 'em
ALL"
Thus thought Farmer Cuisine, with
an eye to the shekels after the kill
ing. 1t never occurred to him the
gobbler might be listening. Nor did
he dream for a moment that turkeys
we're intelligent fowl and would Just
as soon continue to strut the earth
as be trussed for the table. Had he
understood the birds better, or had he
attended a mass meeting of gobblers
called that evening on the stone fence
behind the barn, he might have re-
trained thereafter from taking the
domestic fowl into his confidence
when discussing his plans.
The meeting was called to order by
he gobbler already referred to-he
II the disdainful stalk. In few we'll
,hosen gobbles he retailed to the ST.
ent audience the story Of their fate,
epeating mournfully the remarks
made by Cuisine concerning his plans.
FOR them the speaker, or rather COB
ller, explained the days were mum.
ered. The glorious season Of unlim.
ted corn was drawing to a close. He
Ierced the haze OF the future and
here beheld the terrible apparition
headless turkey, trussed and
tuffed and gsrnished, borne aloft like
sacrifice while hungry multitude
Dplauded expectantly. He looked
loser at the apparltlon. and lol It
vas his own image that he beheld
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1904-11-24
Quick lunch unheaIthfuI.

Sir William MoEwen, a professor Of
Glasgow university. is a late authority
for the view that the quick lunch" is
health destroyer. In an address to
the Charlng Cross Medical school Of
London. he said that people seemed to
act as though food should be thrown
into the stomach as a sandwich into
the pocket" He complains that mas.
ticatlon is net taught In schools" and
gays II is time that Certificates should
be given in schools for sound diges-
ton. Instead Of doing that, we ap.
point royal commissions to inquire
into the causes Of physical deteriors-
tlon OF the race"
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1904-11-24
Black FRIDAYS,

The American Black Friday was
September "a, 1869, when Jay Gould
and James Flske, Jr., attempted to
create a corner in the gold market.
The whole country was in ferment
for seevral days, but the day was
saved ythe report that Secretary
Boutwell, had thrown $4,000 900 on the
market The English Black Fridays
are two-one the Friday on which the
news reached London that the young
pretender Charles Edward, had ar
rived at Derby; the second, May H.,
1866, when the failure of Overend,
Quincy & Co., London, the day before
was followed by widespread financial
ruin.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1904-11-24
A Little Free with the Judne.

Congressman Bankhead, of Ala.
bama, has weakness for gambling
stories. one that he tells Is Of time
when spasmodic attempt was being
made to drive gamesters out Of Mo-
bile. A witness was on the stand tes-
tifying for the defense, it being well
known that the judge was a skillful
poker player. The witness talked Of
going blind" raising" passing" and
so on, and finally his honor said,
gravely: mr. Jackson, you are using
good many of what l presume are
technical terms. VIII you be good
enough to explain some of them?" The
witness, with equal gravity, replied:
Il shall be pleased to do so, your
honor, If you will kindly let me have
your poker deck for few moments"
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1904-11-24
A THANKSGIVING Soma.

It's comm on-Thanksgivln' In the full
ness o. the fall:
II we're thankful we're a-livln'-well,
that's Jest a-sayln' ALI
II that much we can say
A-journeyln' on the way,
II means that life's had something like
a glad Thanksgivin' day!
It's comm n-Thanksgivin'-or the time
fer glvln' thanks.
We're somewhere on the sunny side Of
JOrdans stormy banksl
II that much we can say
Where winter mourns the May,
II means that life's had something like
a glad Thanksgiyin' day
It's sonia On-Thanksgivin'-li had
sorrows-life had signs
But still we read our title 20 them man
sions In the skiesi
II that much we can say
Meath bloomy skies or gray,
II means that iife's had something like
a glad Thanksglvin' day
-FraDs L. Stanton In Atlanta constitu-
Hnp
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1904-11-24

Bird of all birds! No one can thee de-
ride; !
Bird of two meats, the salient brown
the white;
o democratic grid. our Nations pride.
In thee might prince and potentate de-
light:
Hail to thy bosom, plump and brown
and fair.
Hail TO thy drumsticks and thy side
bones rare!
Hail to thy heart and liver-rich NOR
ceauX
Hail to thy wishbone and Thy bishops
nose!
All hall again. Accept this votive lay,
o bird that comes with coming of the
SHOWS
Thou sovereign bird of our Thanksgiv-
ing Day.
Ye gods. To sniff the juices as they
slide
Adown thy breast! To mark with eyes
grown bright
Each movement of the knife and fork
that glide
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1904-11-24
Table Decoration.

Scarlet ribbons lend themselves ad-
mirably to almost any form of table
decoration, particularly IL chrysanthe
NUNS and wheat are the chief decora.
tons. A cornucopia Of wheat, filed
with grapes and lying on a mat Of
mountain ashberries or small red sp.
pies, is exceedingly pretty, and long
stalks Of wheat tied with ribbon the
shade Of the mat should be placed
diagonally across the ends o; the
table. II the table is round the cen
terpiece is sufficient.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1904-11-24
Mrs. RoosexeIt,s Secretary.

Miss Isabel Hagner, private secre'
tary of Mrs. Roosevelt has fortune
ample for all the frivolties Of New
port and Tuxedo or TO rdivision Of her
life between Fifth Avenue and Bel.
grave square, but she prefers to fol.
low the useful career she mapped out
for herself when, with thinner purse,
she entered public life. When Miss
Hagner came into ahandsome inherit
ance recently she gave no sign of in.
tentlon to leave her present post.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1904-11-24
TILL NOON.
The Simple Dish That Keeps cnS Wig
orous and Well Fed.

Tho Simple Dish That Keeps cnS Wig
orous and Well Fed.
When the doctor takes his own
medicine and the grocer eats the food
he recommends some confidence comes
to the observer.
A Grocer of Osslan, Ind, had 4
practical experience with food worth
anyones attention.
He says: six years ago became
80 weak from stomach and bowel
trouble that | was finally compelled
to give up all work In my store, and
in fact all sorts OF work, for about four
years. The last year was confined 10
the bed nearly all OF the time, and
much OF the time unable to retain
food OF any sort on my stomach. MY
bowels were badly constipated con-
tlnually and I lost in weight from
100 pounds down to SS pounds.
"When at the bottom Of the ladder
| changed treatment entirely and
started in on Grape-Nuts and cream
for nourishment | used absolutely
nothing but this for about three
months. | slowly improved until
got out Of bed and began to move
about.
Il have been improving regularly
and now in the past two years have
been working about fifteen hours
day in the store and never felt better
in my life.
During these two years have
never missed a breakfast Of Grape
Nuts and cream, and often have II
two meals a day, but the entire break
fast is always made OF Grape-NT.s ari
cream alone.
"Slnce commencing the use Of
Grape.Nuts / have never used any
thing to stimulate the action Of the
bowels, a thing had 10 do for years,
but this food keeps me regular and In
fine shape. and | am growing stronger
ana heavier every day.
MY customers. naturally. have been
interested and am compelled to an
swer a great many questions about
Grape-Nuts.
Some people would think that .
simple dish Of Grape-Nuts and cream
would not carry one through to the
MONDAY meal. but II will and in the
most vigorous fashion"
Name given by Postum Co. Battle
Greek. Mich.
Look in each pkg. for e-s famoaa
little book. The Road 10 WsllviliA-
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1904-11-24
MarrIes a lTuer,

A curious custom obtains among
the Coorgs. When one of them kills
a tiger or a panther, he is married to
the dead animal Propped upon q
framework on wood or bamboo the
animal is carried in procession and
the marriage ritual is strictly OBJ
served, while lavish hospitality is dis
pensed.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1904-11-24
Fertile Cuba.

The soil of Cuba is extremely fruit
full. Cabbages there are so large that
heads weighing twenty pounds each
are common. All vegetables do we'll.
Radishes may be eaten from fourteen
to eighteen days after sowing, let.
tuce in five weeks after sowing, while
corn produces three crops per year.
Sweet potatoes grow all the year.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1904-11-24

Thou sovereign bird of our Thanksgiv.
ing Day.
OF old the poets praised the browner's
The boar's wIeathed head with curvlng
tusks beGight,
The roasted oxen served with horns and
hide,
The pigeons brains to urge the appe-
title;
The haunch of half-dressed steers, the
rump of bear
The salmon, hackin, and the spitted hare.
Inc joints of Venison the hearts of does,
Inc sturgeon and the pies of peacocks'
toes:
The wassail bowl, the mead, the sack,
the whey
But thee they praised not or in rhyme
Thou sovereign bird of our Thanksgiv-
ing Day.
Bird Of our chill and bleak November
Unknown to thee the joys of migrant
flight;
Thou barnyard bird, thy virtues far and
wide
Are heralded in homely phrases trite;
Hail to thy carcass, hail. A last fam
Hail to thy bones that to the soup re-
Hail to thy kickshaws rich in gastric
woes!
Hail to the hash wherein thou shalt re-
pose!
Such is the fate of all that are Of clay
Hail and farewell! 'ris all that life be-
slows,
Thou sovereign bird Of our Thanksglv-
ing Day.
ENVOY.
Friend, you may journey far, or here or
there!
All menus try, essay all bills of fare,
Dine with the Germans or the Eskimos,
And as a sybarite or gourmond pose;
But in the end you will return and say,
As ! do now at this chant royals close
Thou sovereign bird of our Thanksgiv-
ing Day"
New York Times.
a.
- ~
-.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1904-11-24

Quick is the succession of human
events. The cares of to-day are sell
dom the cares of tomorrow, and when
we lie down at night we may safely say
to most of our troubles: aye have
done your worst, and we shall meet no
more. "-Cowper.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1904-11-24
diagram.

THIS is the remnant and
scraps and wreck OF
turkey dressing and
breast and neck that
show how skillfully
has the host made
good his buster and
brag and boast about
how easy 1t is to slice
a turkey into the por-
tons nice for guests
who wait till they're
nearly starved until all |
desperately he's cary
ed and hacked and
haggled the bird to
bits, and acted like he
has lost his wits be-
cause Of the innocent
diagram-the helpful
and plainly drawn dia-
gram which shows him
exactly the way 70 cut
and o, how his wife
murmured low tut,
TUT" when he, with a
blank and a dash and
a slam got rid of the
innocent diagram!-
w. D. ~, in Chicago
Tribune.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1904-11-24
Many People But Few Houses.

Italy and Spain have fewer houses
in proportion to their population than
any other country in the world. The
Argentine Republic and Uruguay have
the most.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1904-11-24

THIS is the face Of the
nearest guest who
came to the dinner all
gayly dressed, and now
has the gravy upon
his vest, and inwardly
curses like all pos.
sessed because of the
mishap unfortunate
that landed the carv-
ing knife upon the
plate and scattered the
turkey and all its
juice in all directions,
for it was loose; and
fostered the wrath of
the Dragging host who
made that foolish, un-
timely boast about the
innocent diagram.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1904-11-24

THIS is the fork and the
carving knife, that soon
are to fill him with
thoughts Of strife,
when after a smile and
a jolly word, he tack
les the toothsome and
roasted bird-the forl
and the knife for the
foolish man who got
up the turkey carving
plan, outlined in the
innocent diagram.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1904-11-24

A soft berth is always hard 10 find.
The pawnbroker leads = lonely sx
istencs.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1904-11-24
" Carving the Turkey
THIS is the innocent di.
agram.

THIS is the man who is
very wise at carving
the turkey before your
eyes-he got up the
innocent diagram.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1904-11-24

THIS is the way that the
knife will slip right
out of the gentleman's
frenzied grip, and
clash in its vigor
against the plate when
he tries to follow the
lines so straight-the
lines that he drew on
the leg and breast to
show where the carver
could do his best at
slicing the beautiful,
roasted fowl that now
makes him mutter and
frown and growl, be-
cause Of the innocent
diagram.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1904-04-25
TRACK ATHLETICS AT TRINITY.

Hartford. Conn. April "a (SpeciaD.-The Trinity
College football coach for next fall Will be John
Welsh. of Shamokin. Penn. Mr. Welsh has played
on Lehgh and the University OF Michigan and
has also coached for several years
The Trinity track team schedule is as follows
April 2o-Interclass meet.
May 7-College OF the City OF Eew-York, at Hart
ford.
May l4-Union- at Albany.
May % and a-New-EngIand intercollegiate meet
at Worcester.
The outlook IS good for a strong team. Gateson,
Reed and Boyd all fast in the sprints. and
Pond. Goodale and Bulkley are showing up well in
the quarter. Goodale. who is veteran. is also
Trnitys best man in the half Weelzes, brother
of Harold Weekes. OF Columbia. has been showing
speed in the dashes but Is on probation. and will
not be allowed to run unless he can work off his
conditions. Boune is expected to do feet 10 inches
or better in the high jump, while Dunee is bread
jumping in good shape Captain Remsen is
ming at his best in the mile and will probably
under $50 this season. Phillips is the best IN
the hurdles, especially the l2p-yard The track
u proving {Rat
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1904-04-25
CHANGES IN YALE CREW.
IStuyCesant Fish, jr., IN Second Shell
Which Races NaUy.

New-Hayen. Conn. April p Especial. Several
important changes have been made in the Yale
crews. Stuyvesant Fish. jr.. who has been at
No. In the first boat. has been roegated to
seat in the second college. she'll while H. Scott
was moved up from No. . seat to Ffsh's place and
Meier from the second eisht, and Kineon. from the
varsity four-oar put at Nos. I and >. Weeks.
who has been rowing bow in the varsity eight.
took Mcier's place in the second boat
While these changes are regarded as only toni
porary as far as the ultimate makeup Of the
first crew is concerned. they afford an idea Of the
way the second boat may be manned for the race
with Annapolls on May : 1t is desired that the
men in the Annapolis race for Yale shall include
none OF the veterans Of the university eight Tie
removal of Fish ana Weeks from the first boat does
not mean necessarily that they are to be retired
but rather that they are needed to strengthen the
second eight at present.
The makeup of the two crews follows;
First boat-Stroke. Cross: Z. Miller: g. Whittier: o.
Second boat-Stroke. Whitney: = Weeks: g Fish: D.
Boomer; 4 Scott 5. Ferguson 2, Hayden pow
Gre0e
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1904-04-25
MAKE.uP OF PRINCETON TEAM.

Princeton, " J.. April % (SpeciaD-Surprised oy
the defeat by Brown PrncetOn's ball team Will
sottIe down for hard work. The probable personnel
OF the baseball team that will meet Yale IS not yet
definitely decided even in the mind OF captain
Stevens the doubtful positions stn being first base
and shortstop. IN the game with Uncover on
cred shortstop instead OF Satterwn,Je and C1onsy
took Bards place at first while stevens TOOK ieII
field and gave UnderhI opportunity IN the ooX.
The change of positions worked very we'll safer
white however. will probably continue to cover
short as his work far has been far superior 70
yriSe IN Co0rev were used At FIRST his steady and
heavy hitting powers are much needed ~ the
nine. - -. 49,
I1nderhiu who was kept out OF the box last year
by a strained arm. Is again showing ms OLD form
and in the few games has pitched this season his
work has been excellent Il is probable tAat MS ser
vices will be demanded in a number OF the more
tnDortaut games later on and for this reason cap
tain Stevens is practising FREQUENTLY in lett field
sill he with his team when not twirlng.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1904-04-25
ARREST SUNDAY BALL PLAYERS.
Five Thousand Spectators at BsyOnne Gams
Jeer the Police

The Jersey City club. champions OF the Eastern
League. yesterday played game with the Phil
adeIphia Americans. at the new ball grounds at
Hudson Boulevard and FOrty-second-st-. BayOnne-
The same resulted in victory foc the Athletics
by u score Of to .
At was the first attempt Of the Jersey Citys
play Sunday ball the rev field in Bayonne-
In the middle OF the third inning Police Captain
Mcbride with ROundsman Whelau. walked onto
the diamond. President Howard Griffith Of the
Jersey City club. also stepped out to the plate.
There was a qUiet conference. and then a signal
from President Griffith Pitcher E1sou threw the
ball AID il was caught b. E1nCergrtt. Who was
catching The PhiIa6elDhian NJ bat made no motion
to hit the bali Griffith. EasOu and Nandergritt
were arrested The FIVE thousand persons present
jcered the police. and che cred the arrested men
At police headquarters the men were parOed, 70
appear before Recorder Lazarus this morning
The RayOnne Ministers Association. the protest.
ant against the playing Of Sunday ball viii today
MAKE application 70 The COur- of ChaGcery for an
order restraining the Jersey city club from using
the new field Sundays.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1904-04-25

The club has purchased a tract OF land Of 1l5
acres. upon which It IS erecting a commodious
clubhouse, tennis courts, squash courts and other
adjuncts OF a well equipped country club. and the
golf course will ultimately be made one OF the best
in the country The main building is S. by 30 feet.
with wings at either end measuring 30 by 40 feet.
At the centre the clubhouse is three stories high
and broad piazza extends around three sides.
The fittings and equipment Will be OF the most
luxurious character. billiard rooms and roof gar
dens providing attractive means OF enjoyment in
Indictment weather.
The home green Of the golf course IS on the lawn
Immediately in front OF the clubhouse. The first
hole IS 80 yards long, down q gentle slope. The
second runs down another incline for 200 yards
Tho third measures 400 yards and is on COM
paratively level ground. The fourth IS short. but
full OF interest 1t Is only 10 yards from tee 20
green. but calls for long carry. The fifth IS I'D
yards. the drive being pond, and the sixth
go yards The seventh runs uphill FOR 4oo yards TO
. green surrounded three sides by woods. So
tricky Is II that II has been dubbed the grave
st Yards. This makes a playing length Tor the
first half OF 2ss6 Yards The distance to the tenth
green h. 90 yards and to the eleventh ~ yards
The latter is through woods and requires ac-
curate play The twelfth Is so yards over FAIR go
ing on the thirteenth. measuring 225 yards:
arrv o. yards is necessary to avoid trouble
The next uphill for 22D Yards. and then comes the
longest hole tho course the fifteenth. 80 yards
The sixteenth Is 30 yards and the seventeenth 80
Yards while the home hole measures 500 yards
This gives a total playing length OF 5n55 yards.
The first nine holes viii be IN readiness IN a rev
weeks and the second nine early next fall
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1904-04-25
COMING MATCHES AT MoNTcLAIR.

Paul Wilcox W g. Freeman and T. 7. Reid.
composing the c0lf committee OF the Montclair
Golf club have announced series OF matches for
the coming season that should prove particularly
attractive 20 the members OF that organization
one OF the penalties imposed by the committee Tor
falling 10 return cards in medal play competitions
js that the delinquent member may have his handi-
cap REDUCED five strokes \ similar rule at all clubs
would do much to check this growing habit of sup
pressing CARDS. The earlier fixtures on the clubs
calendar are;
cartans 7 T Reid and W. g. Freeman; also general
handicap. Is holes. medal play. prize 10 lowest net
May 7-uaniicap IS holes medal play: match.
County Country club vs Moutclair, at Orange
MAY Handicap Is holes. medal play: prizes 10 e
evenly divided between lowest gross and net scores;
team match. Morris County Country club VS. Mont
clair. MOutclaig.
Nav 2l.Blind handicap: members to select their
handlcaps. fixed number. TO he 50 lected out u
r. hat. VIII be between - and d. rIiEo 10 player
coming nearest blind number
Is holes. medal play: prize 70 lowest
net score: team match, Ensewood vs.. MontclaiF' at
ESnglewoCd. -,
play: thirty-slx holes may be played, the best Sc
iectcd IS holes 70 count prize 70 lowest gross ana
Tune 3 New Jersey state championship tournament
at Eurlevood: home games.
June 1i-Iianfcap medal play 10 holes: team match.
Baltusrol Montclar. az E5ltustoL
June 1s-ITandlcap. medal play, is holes.
June 25-IIaudicap. medal play. Is holes
Julv 2-Haudicap. four ball foursOme.
July / independents Dayb-Hardcap. - hoIes theuAI
play: thirty-six holes may be played. the best Sc,
iected is holes to count prize 10 lowest gross anu
NET