davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Savannah morning news. (Savannah, Ga.) 1900-current, 1904-12-11
English HumOr.

Charles NJ. Pepper, the newspaper
man who was appointed commission
er on the Intercontinental Railway
Commission, tells an amusing story,
in which the main figure is Henry Nor
man, the British journalist, says the
Denver Republican. Norman visited
Washington a few years ago.
One evening just before the departure
of the Britisher it was determined to
put up a joke on him at the Press
Club. A Mr.. Decker was selected to
be the perpetrator. This gentleman
arose from his seat, and, taking a
small bell from his pocket, addressed
Mr.. Norman as follows:
Sir, have been designated by my
fellow members to convey to you an
expression of our pleasure. On behalf
of the National Press Club of Washing
ton l am instructed to give you this
ring"
AS he uttered the word ring Mr..
Decker raped the bell smartly and
placed it on the table.
1t was plainly to be seen that the
Englishman was taken aback. After
a good deal of hemming and having he
replied:
Mr.. Decker and members of the Ma
tional Press Club, words fail me. 1 am
overwhelmed. With respect to this gift,
which l am pleased to receive, l sup
pose that Mr.. Decker, as was only ma
tural in the embarrassment of the mo-
ment, for we newspaper men are no
toriously poor speakers, has made a
mistake; for he has, as you see, given
me a bell instead of a ring"
The Savannah morning news. (Savannah, Ga.) 1900-current, 1904-12-11
Ter Vance's Pants.

One of the famous story tellers of all
time was Senator Zeb Vance of North
Carolina, says the New York Press.
He even told stories about his good
wife that paralyzed his colleagues in
the Senate. Willie Bruce Dowd has
seen fit to publish Vance's article on
THE Scattered Nation" an amazing
ly interesting survey of the Jewish
people as we know them in CONNER
cial and social life to-day. 1t is what
we journalists call good stuff" Dowd,
whom / do not know. has prefixed a
brief account of Vance's life, and in it
is this bit of doggerel:
How dear to my heart is the pants of
my childhood.
When fond recollection presents them
to view;
The pants that 1 wore in the deep
tangled wildwood
And likewise the grove where the
rcrab-apples grew.
The wide-spreading seat with its little
square patches.
The pockets that bulged with my
luncheon for noon:
And also with marbles and fishworms
and matches.
And gum drops and kite strings from
March until June.
The little patched trousers, the made
over trousers,
The high-water trousers that At me
too soon.
No pantaloons ever performed greater
service
In illing the hearts of us youngsters
with joys.
They made the descent from Adolphua
TO Jervis.
Right down through a family OF ten
little bows.
Through no fault OF mine known 20
ma or 10 others
I'm the tenderest branch on our big
family tree.
And having done service for nine older
brothers
They come down 10 me slightly bag
ged NJ the knee.
The little patched trousers. the sec
oDd-hand trousers.
The old family trousers that bsgEsa
~ the knee.
The Savannah morning news. (Savannah, Ga.) 1900-current, 1904-12-11
WHY HE GREW OLD.
From Success


Bitter memories of a sinful life which
has gone all wrong make premature
burrows in the face, take the bright
ness from the eyes, and the elasticity
from the step, and makes ones life
sapless and uninteresting.
We grow old because we do not
know enough to keep young, just as
we become sick and diseased because
we do not know enough to keep we'll.
Sickness is a result of ignorance and
wrong thinking. The time will come
when a man will no more harbor
thoughts that will make him sick or
weak than he would think of putting
his hands into fire. No man can be
sick if he always has right thoughts
and takes ordinary care of his body
If he will think only youthful thoughts
he can maintain his youth far beyond
the usual period.
If you would "be young when DID,"
adopt the sundiaPs motto-"T record
none but hours of sunshine" Never
mind the dark or Swallowed hours.
Forget the unpleasant, unhappy days.
Remember only the days of rich exper-
fences; let the others drop into obli-
WON.
1t is said that Tong livers are great
hopers." If you keep your hope bright
in spite of discouragements, and meet
all difficulties with a cheerful face, it
will be very difficult for age to trace
it's burrows on your brow. There is
longevity in cheerfulness.
The Savannah morning news. (Savannah, Ga.) 1900-current, 1904-12-11
SALT TO REVIVE FROZEN FLY.
From the Philadelphia Press.


The host, a prominent banker and
that it was possible to bring fly to
life again after the latter had been
on ice for some time and was SEEM
ingly ready for the coroner's verdict.
Frozen to death" Naturally every
one laughed at what appeared to them
to be wild yarn of the Imagination.
There was only one thing for the
host to do, so he promptly bet all the
guests that he could bring a frozen
fly to life, and the guests were eager
to wager that he could not.
a maid was sent for some ice. and
by careful maneuvering she also man
aged to catch three flies. The host
took one of the flies, placed it between
two big chunks of ice, with another
chunk over the top, and there the fly
was left to cool off.
little later the fly was removed
from the ice and placed on a piece of
cardboard, and there was no doubt in
the minds of the guests that the fly
was frozen stiff, for there was not the
slightest movement of either the wings
or legs.
The host carefully covered the fly
with table salt, and then told the Gag
er watchers to keep a close watch
Five minutes went by, but there was
not the slightest movement from the
salt, and the guests made all manner
of fun of their host.
Eight minutes had passed, and then.
to the extreme wonderment of all ex-
cept the host, the fly, crawled out Of
the pile, and, after walking about the
table and getting rid of the salt, flew
away. And the host was indicated.
The Savannah morning news. (Savannah, Ga.) 1900-current, 1904-12-11

"Sir Philip Burne- Jones'" said a
Philadelphia millionaire, according to
the Denver Times, "dined with me
during his American tour. We talked
of the conceit that little success is
apt to engender in young artists, and
Sir Philip said:
My father used to tell of a young
English nobleman who took to paint
ing. He did passable work, got in
Vulnerable commissions from million
aire tradesmen, and became, in small
way, lion.
-" He insisted on driving my father
to his studio one day to see his work.
Here are my two latest things, he
said, on their arrival. They are en-
tirely different in subject and in treat
ment, but I'm sure you'll like them
both. One is a portrait of my uncle,
copied from an old fashioned photog-
graph. The other is a painting of my
grandmother doing some needlework.'
:" My father looked carefully at both
paintings for a moment. Then he
said:
Which one did you say was your
uncle.
The Savannah morning news. (Savannah, Ga.) 1900-current, 1904-12-11
The Rival Lenders

When Uncle Joe" Cannon entered
the House yesterday morning about a
minute before the noon hour he looked
searchingly about the chamber as
though expecting some one, says the
washington Post. 1t was soon evil
dent that he was, for as he crossed
the lobby threshold Representative
John Sharp Williams, the Democratic
leader, advanced down the center aisle
at swift pace. The two met direct
ly in front of the Speakers sanctuary.
&. Uncle Joe" threw his right arm about
the neck of the Southern Congress-
man and his political opponent and
grasped the latter's right hand with
his left. The two held a whispered
conversation, while everybody on the
floor held his breath. 1t looked as
though a scheme were being Matched
up between the party leaders.
But there wasn't. Representative
Williams had asked the Speaker about
a little appointment he wanted, and
Uncle Joe" was simply telling him:
Its all right, my boy; I've fixed it,
sure"
The Savannah morning news. (Savannah, Ga.) 1900-current, 1904-12-11
What's In a Namef

Representative Olmsted of Pennsyl-
vania says that old DR.. Levi Bull was
a clergyman of the Episcopal faith,
and lived in Chester county, his state,
many years ago. The good old doc
tor was called upon to baptize child,
the offspring of a family with the sur
name of Frog, says the Baltimore Her
aid. Without any preliminary obser-
Vations the father and mother were
called to the front at the end of the
second part or lesson of the service.
Name this child" said the doc
tor.
1--WE name it after you, sir" said the
mother, in a low voice, as she hand
ed the baby to the doctor.
ooh, but you named the last after
me. 1t was christened Levi" said the
minister.
well, doctor, call this one after your
t'other name"
And so the minister did, christening
it Bull, and the youngster went forth
with the cognomen of Bull Frog.
The Savannah morning news. (Savannah, Ga.) 1900-current, 1904-12-11
A PERsIsrENr CANDIDATE

There is no doubt that Mr.. Bryan
/ is planning TO capture the Democratic
| nomination for President in 1905 In
his own paper and in other papers ar
ticles from his pen. bearing on the fu-
ture of the Democratic party, are ap-
! pearing all the time. He seems to
think that if he can get the attention
! of Democrats at this time, when there
is uncertainty as to the future course
of the Democratic party. he will gradu-
ally come to be regarded as the party's
real leader. and will have but little
difficulty in getting himself chosen it's
standard bearer four years hence.
In the current number of the Satur-
day Evening Post he has an article on
the "Reorganizing of the Reorganized
Democracy" in which he points out
that Mr.. Roosevelt's overwhelming
success was due not so much to conf
dence in the Republican party and APP
prevail of Republican policies as to dis
satisfaction with Democratic policies.
In other words, Mr.. Bryan wishes to
be understood as holding that If he
had been permitted to make the plat
form the Democratic vote would have
been much larger than it was. OF
course no one can say definitely that
in this opinion he is wrong, but it is
safe to say that three-ffths of the
thinking Democrats are of the opinion
that If he had been permitted to have
his way in the St. Louis Convention
lnFn 0f 10 ,y-eaff 81 ortzr
would have been more disastrous than
it was.
1t seems to be pretty generally agreed
that the chief cause of the Republican
victory was the desire of the people
to let we'll enough alone. While the
country was prosperous it was thought
inadvsable to have a change in the
political complexion of the government.
Democrats who thought this way did
not, as a rule go to the polls, though
some of them doubtless did go and
voted the Republican ticket. And Mr..
Roosevelt's personal popularity con-
tributed to the success of his party.
In his article in the Saturday Even
ing Post Mr.. Bryan presents the prin-
ciples he has been urging these many
years as the basis for recognizing the
party. He has nothing new to, offer.
In view of the fact that these principles
have been twice rejected by the coun-
try, and also that Mr. Bryan failed to
have a Legislature chosen in his own
state in the recent election favorable
to sending him to the United States
Senate, it is fair to assume that there
would be no chance for success in
1908 if the party were to be recognized
in accordance with his views.
OF course it is Mr. Bryan's privilege
to urge the reorganization of the Demo-
cratic party on any basis he pleases,
but it is a safe prediction that his views
will not prevail, nor will he be the par
tvs standard bearer four years hence.
Unless the signs fail, the South will
play more important part in Democ-
racy's affairs in the future. If that
proves to be the case the party will
not look to the West for a leader.
The Savannah morning news. (Savannah, Ga.) 1900-current, 1904-12-11
AN EVIL THAT SHOULD BE RENE
DIED.

While Congress is trying to find out
the business secrets of trusts-the
means by which they wiring unjust
profits from the pubIic--it should APP
propriate a little money for an investi-
cation of allowances in receivers
cases.
Creditors hesitate to put corporations
and individuals into the hands of re-
ceivers for the reason that the allow
ances for receivers and attorneys are
so great that there is but little left
for them when all expenses are paid.
1t is better for them, nine cases out
of ten, to accept almost any sort of
a settlement they can get than to put
a debtor into Bankruptcy.
Attention is called to this matter by
the report of the special United States
commissioner in the case of Sully &
Co. In that case the receivers asked
an allowance of $4,000 and the at
torneys asked for $4,000. The commits
sioner reported in favor Of giving the
receivers $4,000 and the attorneys, $780,
$50.
In both state and United States
courts the allowances, in many cases,
are out of all reason. The lawyers
and receivers seem to think bank
rupt estates belong to them, and the
courts apparently agree with them.
There ought to be a reform in this
matter. The receivers and attorneys
should be we'll paid for their services,
but that doesn't mean they should get
everything and the creditors nothing.
The Savannah morning news. (Savannah, Ga.) 1900-current, 1904-12-11
THE COUSIN of THE KING.

New York Letter in Baltimore Sun.
The Italian Kings act in comforting
the Great Gordon of SITS. Mauritius
and Lazarus on ]. Pierpont Morgan
in recognition of his returning to Italy
the famous cope of Arcoli, stolen and
sold to Mr.. Morgan, makes Mr.. Nor
gan "a cousin of his majesty" When
he visits Italy he will rank as a rela-
tive of the monarch. The King could
confer only one higher honor on him.
The Order of Mauritius and Lazarus
is of five classes. Mr.. Morgan belongs
to the highest class. The order was
originally an ecclesiastical one, and
was founded by Amadeus VIII of Sa-
voy in 14S4. 1t was suppressed in 1902
and was restored by Victor Emman-
uel Of Sardinia in 1916, and reconsti-
tuted by Victor Emmanuel II in 1865
Three of the classes are for persons
who are recommended by the Italian
Parliament to the King for honor. The
choice of recipients of the other two
decorations rests absolutely with the
King
The Savannah morning news. (Savannah, Ga.) 1900-current, 1904-12-11
HOW THEY LOOK our FoR Us.
From the washington Post.


II am very hungry. Let US go down
to the restaurant"
wouldn't it be disrespectful while
the message is being read? I, too,
am hungry, but I think we had better
stay"
This conversation occurred yesterday
afternoon at the rear of the Senate
chamber. Senator W. Murray Crane,
of Massachusetts, lean and lank, was
the first speaker. Senator Philander
G. Knox, plump and well fed, was the
second speaker. Both had copies of the
Presidents message, which they had
read through from first page to last
page. In this they had been more rapid
than the Senate clerk, who still had a
half hours work ahead of him.
But don't you see those vacant
chairs?" pleaded Mr.. Crane. "Other
Senators are absent"
Probably they have important COM
mittee business" quoth Mr.. Knox.
IT fear it would be rude for us to
leave in the midst of the reading"
The Massachusetts senator subsidized
for several minutes. The pangs of hun
ger soon reminded him again how I'M
interesting the formal reading of the
message was.
II say, Knox" he reiterated; IT had
only a light breakfast this morning.
1t seems to me proper enough for us
both to go out"
Il am in doubt about it," replied the
former Attorney General. cit might
be a breach of etiquette for new
Senator's"
The argument pro. and con. con-
tinued in the same vein for several
moments, when the Pennsylvania
capitulated and the two descended, in
spite of their scruples about the pro-
priety thereof to the restaurant.
There, as they seated themselves at
a table, they were amazed to behold
practically the entire Senate member
ship enjoying a midday meal, with lit
tie thought of what was going on
The Savannah morning news. (Savannah, Ga.) 1900-current, 1904-12-11
CONTRACTION AND DIRT.
From the Montreal witness.


Dirt is contagious. If anybody
doubts it let him observe the streets
Uttered with all sorts of rubbish, they
offer positive invitation to everybody
to toss or sweep his surplus matter
into them. If the streets were kept
In a proper state Of cleanliness no de-
cent person at least would think OF
throwing anything upon the roadway
or in the cutters.
There is also a moral effect. Clean
ly surrounding beget clean habits. Chill
dren going to and from school are un-
consciously influenced by what they
see, and dirty streets being a standing
example of untidiness I'm those TO whom
they naturally look for leading, they
grow Indifferent and careless. Thus
the liberation OF dirt on the streets
becomes not only a menace to health
but an influence for evil.
Considerations OF this sort may have
no place I'm the average aldermanlc
mind, which seems to take its inspira-
lions from medieval times. when the
public thoroughfares were the common
sewers.
The Savannah morning news. (Savannah, Ga.) 1900-current, 1904-12-11

inference from what Representative
Baker said was that the information
which the Department of Commerce
had collected respecting trusts was
practically vaIueless.
It ought not to be so difficult
matter to get the facts in regard to
the profits OF trusts. There is the
steel-rail trusts, for instance. Is it
not known just about what its profits
are? A congressman ought to be able
to figure out for himself the profits
of the steel-rail makers. And yet,
according to Representative Baker,
the experts of the Bureau Of Corpora
tions are in the dark respecting the
profits of the corporations they have
examined.
1t would be good thing If the bu-
reau were to get other experts. If the
Department of Commerce is good for
anything, now is the time to demon
strate 1t. The fact that it hasn't
found anything worth reporting opens
the way for the suspicion that its
hunt for information isn't very sin
cere.
The Savannah morning news. (Savannah, Ga.) 1900-current, 1904-12-11
CURRENT COMMENT.

Senator Bacon of Georgia" notes
the Springfield Republican Qnd.),
writes to a friend that he would ac-
cept reduction in the South's repre-
sentation in Congress If the North
would consent to the repeal OF the fif-
teenth amendment. So long as that
amendment endures, he declares that
the white men of the South should
stand together upon the issue of white
supremacy and opposition to negro rule
and negro office-holding.' Mr.. Bacon is
one of the South's most conservative
statesmen"
The Philadelphia Record (Dem.)
says: while the politicians and the
ship owners and builders and a con-
gressional commission are trying to
arrange scheme for hiring men to
go into the shipping business, the Har-
vester Trust, which exports $4,000. 900
worth OF farm implements and machin-
try annually, has organized a steam
ship company, which will run at first
to French ports, but may extend its
field OF operations. Small shippers,
who cannot have steamship lines Of
their own, have no trouble in getting
cargo space for their products TO be
sent TO all quarters Of the globe"
The Norfolk Landmark (Dem.) says:
There is nothing that can keep this
section from forging to the front. The
South Is launched upon career OF
marvellous Industrial development
That means a gain I'm desirable popula-
ton, a gain IN wealth, and a gain In
influence. Let the Platts and the
Crumpackers go ahead. Let the other
Northern and Western senators deal
as they see NJ with the proposition 20
reduce the number OF our national leg
iHlators. lf-as IL very doubtfui-they
decide 10 indorEe such a proposition,
the South viii not enjoy n. OF course
but the South viii accept a gladly
rather than return 10 the ola blight Of
an unrestricted electorate. Our peO-
pie are an a position "a taka q very
philoeophic view 0f the subject"
The Savannah morning news. (Savannah, Ga.) 1900-current, 1904-12-11
WHAT WAS LAwSON's PURPosEs


There is a great deal of speculation
as to what the purpose of Thomas w.
Lawson, the Boston broker, was in
urging holders of certain stocks to sell.
and thus contributing to the panicky
condition of the New York stock mar
ket which prevailed on Tuesday, Wed
nesday and Thursday of last week. On
Thursday there was such a sensational
fall in the prices of stocks that it was
thought for a time there would be
repetition of Black Friday scenes.
Mr.. Lawson had been filing the
newspapers with advertisements, telling
the holders of certain stocks to sell
every share they had of such stocks,
and it seems he supplemented these
advertisement with kilograms of dis
aster-creating kind to newspapers. That
his efforts had a marked effect on the
stock market there is no doubt.
Was his object to fill his own pocket
from the wrecks of the little fortunes
of the small holders of stocks, or did
he hope to bring disaster to some of
TIC DlS uOlucTS dbdlDSl whom ne is
supposed to have a feeling of bitter
enmity? The fact that he has become
widely, and rather favorably, known
recently through his story, "Frenzied
Finance" running in one of the maya
zines, helped him in carrying out his
purpose in bringing about a sensational
fall in the prices Of some of the best
known stocks. 1t is estimated that on
Thursday alone there was fully 3,OOO,-
900 shares sold. If the average loss on
these shares was only IS a share it
will be seen that the total loss was
enormous.
The evidence seems to be that the
losers were small holders-persons who
had only few hundred or a few thou
sands Of dollars. II Mr.. Lawson was
really responsible for the semfpanic
there are good many people who will
think about as badly of him as he has
tried to make the public think of Ad-
dicks, the Delaware gas man.
The Savannah morning news. (Savannah, Ga.) 1900-current, 1904-12-11
Young WIVES IN INDUSTRY.

Under the above title Prof. Simon N.
Patten, of the chair OF political econ
omy in the University of Pennsylvania,
in an article in the Independent. ar
raigns the modern American home and
its principles for their Encouragement
of marriage. Formerly, he said, men
were glad to marry young, because
wives were regarded as economical
helps. Now they marry later in life,
or not at all, because of changed con-
ditions. Woman engaged in agricul-
tual pursuits formerly, and had her
place i'm the productive industries. But
a wife must now buy her chickens and
not raise Them she must buy her but
ter and not churn it, and buy her car
pet and not weave it. Yet poultry
raising, dairying and weaving, which
are now productive industries, were
classified formerly as married women's
work, so that wives and mothers were,
in fact primarily income earners, and
only in a subsidiary way income saw.
ers as utilizers of chicken bones. curd
and cotton scraps"
New ideals have taken. the places of
the old. There is a sentiment against
the employment of married women in
gainful occupations, Notwithstanding
the earning power of their husbands
may be inadequate to meet the dou-
bled needs of married life. If the
husbands pay envelope contains only
so a week, that sentiment still pro-
tests against the wife engaging in
poultry raising, dairying or weaving.
The married granddaughters of the
butter-maker incur censure if they
cross the street to employ themselves
in the dairy store there, even while
their grandmothers are praised for
thrift and energy. The truth is, wom-
ans work has been taken away from
her home, and she must follow 1t out
into the world" But society forbids
her to follow it. She must conform to
the canons of society, which forbid
work by married women whose hus-
bands have incomes, however small, on
pain of losing social caste. This mistak-
en- sentiment, due partly, Prof. Patten
thinks, to errors of education, has re-
suited in the creating of the NON
producing American girl" and the linn
iting of the possibilities of Ameri-
can homes. And. being a non-pro-
Queer the young wife is more than
apt to be a poor domestic economist.
Having none of the cares of creating the
income, she does not know how to
spend it properly.
Prof. Patterns argument is for a re-
turn to the old, simple principles of
life, which made the man the natural
money-maker of the family. but left
the wife free to exercise her talents
and energy in gainful occupations to
supplement the income of the husband.