The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1904-10-09

By F. P. Dunne-Copyright 1904, by Nc
Ciure Phillips & Co.
did we liver see a man as proud iv an
| said Mr.. Dooley.
wait till he has iiven," said Mr.. Hen
messy.
"Oh, Nv eoorse," said Mr.. Dooley. Eye
have contimpt FIR an amaehoor father
! that has on'y wan offspring. An oil pro-
| fissyonal parent like ye that's practically
done nawthin' all ye'er life but be a ia
ther to helpless childher don't under
stand tn emotions " tn author iv linn
tied edition. But Hogan don't care. So
| far as l am able to Judge fr' m what he
says, his is tn ony perfect an complete
child that has been projooced this cinch-
ry. He looks on you tn way Hinnery
James wud look on Mary Jane Holmes.
Il whit around to see this here proiidy
tn other day. Hogan met me at tn dure
Wipe off ye er feet says he. 'Why?' says
1. Baby says he. Microbes he says.
He thin conducted me to a basi Nv water
an instructed me to was me hands in
preparation iv carbolic acid. Whin 1
to a toothless oil gintleman who was set
tin up in u cradle atm his right foot
Amt he finer says Hogan. 'Wondher-
full says l. Did ye iver see such an ex-
pressyyon?' says he 'Niver,' says l, as
Hiven is me judge, niver. Look at his
hair he says. L will says 1. Amt his
eyes beautiful? They ARE, says L.
Are they glass or on'y imitation? says
l. An thin cunnin' little feet says he.
ON close INSPECTION says 1, yes, they
ar-re. They ar-re feet. Yeer offspring
don't know 1t though He thinks that
wan Is doughnut.' He's not as old as
he looks says Hogan. He cuddent be,
says |. He looks old enough to be a
dimmycratic candidate FIR vice prisidnt
Why, he's lost most of his teeth l says.
Go wan says he, he's just gettin' thin
He has two uppers an four lowers he
says II he had few more, he'd be a
sleepin car says l. Does he speak,?
says l. Sure says Hogan. Say Poppa,
he says. 'Gah,' says young Hogan. Hear
thatp says Hogan; that's poppa.' Say
momma, says he. Gah,' says tn pro-
jidy That's momma, says Hogan. See,
here's Misther Dooey, says he. 'Blub.
says TIL phenomynon. Look at that,
says Hogan, he knows ye,' he says.
We'll, We know, Hinnissy, wan " tn
things that has made me popular in tn
ward Is that / make a bluff at adorin'
childher. Between you an me I'd as
lave salute a dish rag as a recent in
FAINT, but 1 always do 1t. So l put on an
allurln' smile an says l. We'll, little OIL
goozy goo will he give his Dooleyums
kiss?' AT that minyt Hogan seized me
be tn collar an dragged me away fr'm
tn cradle. 'Wud we kill me child? says
he. Howl says l. With kiss says he.
Am l that bad?' says l. Don't we know
that there ARE mekrobes that can be
transmitted to an infant in a kiss?' says
he. Well says l with Indignation, I'm
not proud iv mesilf as an antiseptic
American l says, but in an encounter
between me an that there young canni-
bal | says. I'll lave 1t to tn boord iv
health who takes tn biggest chance
/ says. An we wint out followed be a
howl firm tn projidy. He's singin, says
Hogan. He has lost his notes. says 1.
''Whin we got down stairs Hogan give
me a lecture on TIL bringin' up Nv child
her. AS though l needed 1t, me that's
been consulted on bringin' up half tn
childher in Archey road. In tn oil
days says he, 'clildher was brought up
catch as catch cam he says. But It's
different now. They're as carefully
watched as a geeranyum in a consarva-
tory he says. Here it is. TIL first
thing that shud be done FIR child Is to
deprive 1t ~ its parents. IN less tn
infant sees " poppa and momma tn bet
ter fr him. If they ARE so base as to
want to look at tn little darin' they
shud first be examined be a competent
physician to see that there is nawthin
wrong with thin that they cud give tn
baby. They will thin take a bath " sui
phuric acid an havin' carefully attired
thimsilves in a sturlized rubber suit
they will approach within eight feet "
tn object iy their ignoble affection an