Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1904-09-13

oonductor-I got your fare before.
sir.9 Passenger know. This nickel
is for the company-Judge.
I'm getting old" Having rheu.
matlsm?" Worse than that I'm havs
ing "reminiscences. Cincinnati TrIb.
une.
so she has started on life jour
ney into matrimony, has she?' We'll
guess 1t is only an excursion trip. -
Brooklyn Life.
Bursley-He claims to be related 10
you, and says he can prove it Fnoyd
The mans a fool, Bursley-TAat
may be a mere coincidence.-Smart
Set.
Wife-Good gracious, Do you hear
that sound from the kitchen? More
dishes broken, III warrant. Husband
Never mind, dear, it has stopped the
cooks singing.
Affected Youth Ito man ringing fog
bell at ferry landing)-Aw-my man.
why is this bell ringing? Man-Cant
you see. you idiot. it's because I'm
pullln' the rope?
Mrs. Haggard-Do you know, myself
and my daughter are often mistaken
for sisters. Mrs Gay-Ah. the dear
girl must be studying too hard, don't
you think Puck.
Jimmy-Ma, did v buy George a
birthday present? Ma-Yes. Jimmy
-Ma, what did v buy { pacify me
cause faint my birthday Cincinnati
Oommercial-Tribune.
Dingdong you try that cigar
gave you yesterday? Biffbang-Yes.
but it didn't deserve a trial. Ding
dong-Why, what do you mean? Biff-
bang-It should have been lynched.
Mrs. Kenway-You used to say that
l was the apple of your eye. Mr.. Ken
way-Well. what of it? Mrs. Kenway
Nothing, except that you don't seem
to care as much for fruit as you once
did.
George-Erhel, dear, I'm going to In
teryiew your father tonight. Ethel
All right, George. And il anything
happens I'll come to the hospital twice
a day until you are able to be out
again.-Chicago News.
Il punish you, Browning. because
love you. But you are too young to
understand what mothers love is"
"Is it two soles with but single
thought; two hands that beat as one3"
Life.
Mistress (who Is going out for the
day)-ADd, Mary, you may invite a
friend to come in to tea. if you like.
Mary-Please. IN, haven't got any
friends. l only know young women!--
Punch.
Harold anticipating things) =
wasn't at school yesterday, Miss
Bangs. His Teacher (severely)-No;
you were not. Harold (decisively)--
Miss Bangs, I've got to turn over a
new leaf or get into trouble.
Hettle-Now that you have hsoken
your engagement with Fred. shall you
return to him the diamond ring he
gave you? Minna-Certainly not Het-
tie; it would be a constant reminder
Of the happiness he had missed
Willie-My mamma gave me nick
ell for being good Tommy-Huh, my
mother never gives me anything.
aave to be good anyhow! Willie-Well.
nv mamma doesn't want me to be
good for nothing. Washington Life.o
Customer Ito chemists assistant
In business like this presume you
have gained some practical experience
of therapeutics Chemists Assistant
Indeed, yes, sir. / had 'em when
was ten years old. Broke out ali over
me.
A Chance to Get Event wish"
said the. expressnan to the lawyer.
that you would send in, your bin for
legal advice" II am waiting" replied
the lawyer, "untll l get your bill for
my May moving. I'd rather have the
last chance. "-Ex.
Actress (angrily)--Did yoC write
that criticism which said my irpper-
sonation OF "The Abandoned WIFE
was a miserable failure? Critic
Ye-y-e-s; you see. you looked so ire
sistibly beautiful that 1t was impossl-
BILE to fancy that any man could aban-
don you!
First Stockholder-I don't see why
people should be allowed to carry pack
ages on the elevated roads. Second
stockholder-Why shouldn't theyf
First Stockholder-Well If 1t were not
for the packages we could crowd
few more people into each car.--Iown
and Country.
HOW DOGS ARE TRANSPORTED "a.
on ENGLISH RAIL WAYS.