Chicago eagle. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1889-19??, 1904-08-06
SCARED OUT Of A WIFE

bleak night. In country parlor
It was one Of those nights In mid.
winter. when the wind swept over the
land, making everything tlngle with
its frosty breath. that was sented be-
fore a blazing fire. surrounded by
Jolly half dozen boys and an old bach.
elor, a Peter Green, about forty and
eight years old.
1t was just the night without to
make those within enjoy good story.
20 each Of us had to tell his favorite
story, save Mr.. Green. aud as lie was
q Jolly story teller. we were somewhat
surprised to hear him say, II have no
story that would interest you," so we
had to find other entertainments for
while. when one Of the boys told me
to ask him how 1t happened that he
never got married. 80 DID.
"Well, gentlemen" he began. ut does
not seem right for me tell how that
happened, but as II Is about myself. ]
don't care much. You see when l was
young we had to walk as far as i've
miles to church. and singing school,
which was our chief enjoyment. But
this don't have anything to do with my
not getting wife, but I just wanted
to show you that we had some trouble
them days in getting our sport.
John Smith and were like broth
ers, or like Mary and her lamb.
Where one went the other was sure to
10. 10 we went to see two sisters. and
as we were not the best boys imagln.
able, the old gentleman took umbrage
and would not allow us to come near
the house. SO we would take the girls
to the end Of the lane, and there we
would have to take the final kiss.
I'VE soon got tired Of this sort Of
fun. and told John. on our way to
singing school one night. that l was
going to take Sadie home. and that ]
was going into the house. too. He said
the old man would ruin us II did.
II told him I was going to risk 1t
anyhow. let come what would. He said
he would risk 1t II I would.
80 home we went with the girls.
When we got to the end Of the lane
told the girls we proposed going oil the
way.
"They looked mt each other In a way
I didn't like too well, but said they
1.-THE old folks) would be In bed. 40 they
didn't care II we did. They were, a
little more surprised when told them
we thought Of going In little while,
but oil was quiet when we got to the
house. as we had no trouble In getting
into the kitchen. Then and there we
had our first court, and I made up my
mind to ask Sadie to be my wife the
next time came.
ut was now past the turn OF the
night, and az we had four miles to
walk, l told John we had better be 90.
ing. 30 we stepped out on the porch,
but just then the Sky was lighted up
by lighting. and one tremendous thun-
der peal rolled along the mountain
sides. Its echo had not died away In
the far of wales until the rain began
to pour from the garnered fullness Of
the clouds. We waited Tor It to stop
until we We're all sleepy, when the girls
said we could 90 to bed In the little
led out Of the kitchen, as their father
did not get up early we could be Mt
home before the old folks were astir.
So after bidding the girls good night.
and wishing them sweet dreams, and
promising them to come back on the
next Saturday night, We started to
bed.
I'VE didn't have far to 60, as the bed
stood near the head Of the stairs. John
was soon In bed. but as I was always
q 1.-THE slow and full of curiosity.
was looking around the little room.
"At last l thought would sit down
on a chest. which was spread over
with a nice white cloth. while drew
on my boots. no down I sat. when.
stars Of the East! went plump into q
big custard pie!
II thought John would die laughing,
for he said sma shed tina. custard into
q shapeless mass and the plate right In
two. You see we had to be awful
quiet, 10 the old man would not hear.
~ was now ready to get into bed, so
nut the light out and picked up my
boots, thinking to put them In more
convenient place, when down one of
nv legs went through a pipe hole,
which had been covered by paper. up
to my hip.
"Now one part Of me was up stairs
while the longest part Of me was in
the kitchen. As my leg was very long,
It reached shelf which was occupied
by dishes, pans, coffee pots. ETC., and
turned 1t over with tremendous
crash.
'The girls had not retired, and we
could hear them laugh At to split their
sides. felt awfully shamed, and wac
scared until my heart was In my
throat. for l expected the old man sv.
cry moment.
II extricated my leg from the con
founded hole Just In time. for the old
lady looked into the kitchen from the
room door and asked what all that
noise was about. The girls put her OF
20 best they could and went to bed
while John was strangling himself un
der the cover to keep from laughing
aloud.
I'VE soon went of into the land OF
dreams with the hope Of waking early
wish could tell you my dreams, but
Il would take me too long. One mo-
ment would fancy myself by the side