Lincoln County leader. [volume] (Toledo, Lincoln County, Or.) 1893-1987, 1904-05-27
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He-Why does this theater have Its
orchestra concealed? She-Why? Just
wait until you hear it play.
Teacher-Where was the Declara-
ton of Independence signed? Tommy
At the bottom.-Chicago Daily News.
Wantanno-Why do you call that
boy of yours "Flannel?" Duzno-Be-
cause he just naturally shrinks from
washing.
Editha-I wonder why the dudes
wear one eyeglass? Deborah-To pre-
vent seeing more than they are able to
comprehend.
"Ma, is there any pie left in the
pantry?" "There is one piece, but you
can't have it." You are mistaken,
ma; I've had it."
Fond PARENT understand the fac
ulty are very much pleased with your
work. Dropped Junior-Yes, they en-
cored my sophomore year.
Old Grim-Remember, young man.
there is always room at the top.
Young Sprawley-Oh, l know that;
I'm waiting for the elevator now
Judge.
Lord Littlecash Qovingly)-You are
my soul. Edith-Yes; told papa that.
"Oh, what did he say?" Said you
didn't earn enough to keep your soul
and body together"
Nurse-Johnny, stop asking your IA
ther so many questions. Don't you
see 1t annoys him? Johnny-Why,
nurse, it's not the questions that make
him angry; it's because he can't an
swer them.
A husband said to his wife: II
dreamed last night that caught man
running away with you" What did
you sayT" she asked. II wanted to
know what he was running for" re-
piled the husband.
Mrs. Closefst-Oh, do buy me new
bonnet, my dear. 1t will set all my
friends talking. Closefist-If you're
after notoriety, why don't you get the
old one retrimmed? That will make
your friends talk twice as much.
II see that choice Bengal tigers
have been marked down to 500 each"
"For goodness sake, don't let my wife
read that paragraph. Here's my knife.
Cut 1t out. If those tigers are on the
bargain counter she'd want at least
two"
He (bitterly)-If I were rich you'd
marry me fast enough! She-Don't,
Gussie, don't! Such devotion breaks
my heart! He-What do you mean?
She-Often you have praised my
beauty, but never before my common
sense!
Hello, Freddie! Are you playin'
robberl" "Playin' nuthin'. This is
the real thing. I'm waitin' for the
cook, an when she comes she'll tell
where she hides the pies, or I'll know
the reason why."-New York Evening
Journal.
"John," asked the lawyers wife,
who had recently taken up the health
culture fad, sis 1t best to lie on the
right side or the left side?' my
dear" replied the legal luminary, "if
one is on the right side it isn't usual.
ly necessary to lie at ALL"
Mrs. Youngwed-You know Uncle
Pincher said he was going to send us
something that would help us save
our coal bills this year2 Well, it came
Mr.. Youngwed-Really A stock OF
coal3' Mrs. Youngwed-No. A little
arrangement for filing bills.
He (as they were seated in q quiet
nook near the links)-Are you quite
sure we have never met before this
season? She-Yes; quite positive. He
And you haven't sister? She
No; why do you ask? He-Well, Tn
positive 1 hugged that blouse before
somewhere.
Call girl chick, and she smiles
call woman hen, and she howls
Call young woman a witch, and sh,
Is pleased; call an old woman a witch
and she is indignant. Call a girl ,
kitten, and she rather likes it; call ,
woman a cat, and she'll hate YOU
Queer sex, isn't it?-Chicago News.
Burglar-!Gimme yer jewels! Lad,
OF the House-Did you shut the win
dow after you? Are you sure yo,
) wiped your feet? What did you d,
with that burnt match? Did Bur
glar-Er-1-I guess l forgot II
Don't say another word, ma'am, an
I'll 60 right out.-Chicago News.
, Did 1 understand you to say tha
| you didn't have any comnonv In Al,