The Lambertville record., 1904-07-06
LIES THE MAPS TELL
NOT ABOUT LOCATION, BUT IN THE
MATTER OF NAMES.

For Instance, Greenland Isn't Green
by Any Means, Nor Is the Black
Sea Hlack-The German Ocean Isn't
German, and II Isn't an ocean.
In few places viii You find more
healthy, robust lies To the square inch
tGan an average map, and this Is the
document That is daily placed in the
hands of our young.
Begin up north and take Greenland
Was there ever mere nagrant inpos
ture than the name of this country?
1t Isn't green and never WAS green and
never will lac green. Here is what the
gazetteer says about this green" coun-
Try:
1T is high and rocky and barren. 1t
is covered with eternal SNOW and pla
ciers. July is the only month in which
there is no SNOW" There's picture of
grccunesS for YOU!
How did ii get called green: Well,
by an INSCRIPTIONS falsrhood on the
purt of tenth century reprohate
| called Eric the Red of Iceland This
ancient shark accidentally ran against
the lee patch In question With II few
other lcelanders of his own kidney.
He cut back to Iceland and "beomed"
II for all he was worth
He called ii Greenland and to deludc
the Iceland investors and general pub
lie said Ii WAS Il wonderful green coun-
try, which he wished them Ia visit
with their families and take shares in
some mines he had discovered Well
some of the dcludcd creatures went
They never returned To good old lee
land ANY more.
But there are plenty of equally gross
impostures. Take the BLACK sea. fer
instance Why black Who said II
was black? II is no moro black than
1t is pink or purple The nneicnts call
cd 1t the "fuNine"= which means in
| hospitablea sen. That WAS another
good old fiction. II is not nj all an In
hospitnhle sea, for, having no tides. IL
| is one of the easiest To navigate Now
and again there nre hiE storms, just To
give the sea a realistic touch, but gen
orally speaking 1t isn't black, and 1t
isn't inhospitabc
The Cape of Good Hope! Good
| Hope, indeed, Ask anybody who hus
been round that Womontory what they
think of It. The only good hope" they
experience Is II good hope that they
will soon get ashore, for II is one of
the toughest and stormiest places
known TO mariners. What we should
call II cyclone on the North sea would
be smiled nt round the eape as IL bit of
breeze. The gentleman who called II
Cape of Good Hope WAS II crude sort
OF humorist He made his money in
the king business, styling himself John
| II. of Portugal Ills faithful subject
| Diaz discovered ii and told his majesty
that he hud called II the "Stormy
cape" But the king would have none
of it, He said that he hoped piAz
would find something else round the
other side next time he went to the
cape. 50 he called it Cape of Geod
Hope.
Why the Dead sea- The locality
may be ns dead as n doornail but the
sea itself Is p.~uy lively 1t is the
safest piece of water ON the facc of
the earth ten times as salt ns the
ocean. or course there is no particular
| vegetation roundabout, and the Hca X
free from monsters, but that doesn't
make the sea itself dead 1t Is really
II most live sea.
Why English channel? It's no more
English than it's French The French
themselves don't call II English at all,
but simply La Manche."
Then was ever II more absurd name
given to tlint bit of water which scpa-
rates England from Holland, called
the German ocean, Why Gcrmaut
| There's nothing German about il and
never has been. Dutch, Belgnn or
British, II You Ike, but not German.
Then why ocean, II Is not an ocean nj
MI. There Is Il piece of wntcr that size
between Australia and Tasmania, II
| anything rather wider which they enll
n strait Bnss strait. Just fHhcy the
nbsurdity of teaching the child mind to
think that crossing 10 Ostend or Ant
wcrp Is an ocean trip.
North sea too. Is absurd. Why north:
1t IL not north of anything hi particu
lar II Is east of Britain. west of llOl
land belgium and Denmark aud south
of Norway aud Sweden II Is not n
north sea al all.
There are some islands IN the Pacific
why i'ncilic, by the way Where
does the peace come in ON that desc
late, typhoony, billoWy, tidal WNy vii
derness called the Friendly islands :?
LCOk at the encyclopedias version Of
their friendlncss. "Ihey are volcanic,
and earthquakes are frequent Islands
are frequently uphcavcd IIurricanca
are constant" Then the friendly ma
tlves, The sole reason the islands were
called Friendly Is because when cap
tain Cook visited them he found the
natives had not got amy arms. So they
were friendly No doubt But when
the missionaries tried To convert them
they had II different tale to tell For
thirty years they endured "A pcrllous
struggle with the savage paganism Of
the inhabitants" "
| could call your attention 10 dozens
more Of eases Of m0nstrous mcndacity
on the part Of the map. Iiut the editor
has just taken away my atlas, Pear
sons Weekly.
tUh NJ nr.le