Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1904-01-23
MR.. J0BSON's BEARD

Mr.. Jobson had not shaved Tor four Gays.
Consequently, Mrs. Jobson was in a state
of silent alarm. He had been threatening
for years to raise a full beard. He had
varied the threat occasionally by announc-
ing his intention of rearing a vandyke.
Mrs. Jobson approached the subject dip
locatically. at the breakfast table. Glanc-
ing furtively at Mr.. Jobsen's more or less
murderous visage. with its four-days'
growth of straggly, spotty and veri-hued
hirsute she said:
to for some time. Shall take them around
to the mans today to be fixed?'
Mr.. Jobson, of course, was just waiting
for something like this. He smiled a sort
of jaflerS smile, which gave his cOunte-
nance an even more hOrridc aspect than II
wore when in repose.
Il am through with razors, Mrs. Jobson.'
he said, in an amiable, but entirely positive
tone.
"Yes?' said Mrs. Jobson. She fully un-
derstoOd his meaning. but she pretended.
femfninely, not to understand. Then you
are going to have the barber shave you
hereafter"
"Humph! I thought you were aware of
the fact. Mrs. JobsonI believe have
often given utterance to the expression
that would as soon spend an hour In the
stocks or in the pillory or on the treadmill
as to sit ten minutes in BARRIERS chair, -
replied Mr. Jobson.
This was Mrs. Jobson's cue. She clapped
her hands delightedly.
"Oh, know nowr she exclaimed, almost
rapturously. You are going to raise a
beardv'
Mr.. Jobson gazed at her with manifest
surprise. He had expected something en-
tirely different from her. He had hoped
for at least an aspect Of martyr-like resig-
nation on her part. But that she should
approve Of his raising beard! The sec
ond gaze he bestowed upon her was one
That's what I'm going to do" he said.
But thought you didn't like beard
How long since you changed your mind as
to that?'
"Oh. lately" said Mrs. Jobson. in a
CHEEKY, well-satisfied tone. II was MOTTO
ing Mr.. Kaystreet's new beard the other
day. and thought 1t looked quite dis
tingue."
Mr.. Jobson didn't appear to be particu-
larly hilarious over this way of putting
it.
Hang Kaystreet," he said. "Kaystreet
raised his beard because he has such a soft,
mushy countenance that he felt the abso-
lutte necessity of covering up his Inca
ments with a beard, to hide their weakness.
It's different with me. I'm going to raise
beard for number of reasons wholly DIFF
ferent from Kaystreets. In the first place.
I'm sick of this shaving business 1t con-
sumes too much time, and it's nuisance.
and an unnecessary nuisance, besides.
was figuring on the time 1t takes a man to
shave the other day. At the least calcula-
ton, it takes me 20 minutes every day to
shave. That's 10 hours a month. or 120
hours year. I've been shaving my phiz
for thirty years. so that you'll see I've
tossed away about $50 days In doing moth
ing but removing hair from my counten-
ance. I call that an fndiotic waste Of
time"
well. think you'll look just too fine for
anything with beard" said Mrs. Jobson.
ISrrt
tone of quiet conviction. Penetrating as
was the gaze which Mr.. Jobson again be-
slowed upon her he could see no excuse
whatever for a fiare-up in her manner.
Mr.. Jobson was by no means as satisfied
with his beard-raising project as he would
have been had his announcement of it met
with the violent opposition or even the sad
acquiescence of Mrs. Jobson. but, as he
had gone upon record, he had to stick to his
beard-raising for the sake of consistency.
I But he found It pretty hard to endure the
gibes and taunts of his friends and office
mates. Their illusions to spinach" ana
loose chewing" and ''lilacs," and Cal
ways" and "zephyr-enticers," and the low
way some of them had of initiating the
sound of rushing wind every time Mr.. Job
son heaved In sight, irrttated him great
deal, although he had to smile and pretend
to enjoy their gibes
Again the growing beard tickled his
countenance great deal. and made him
nervous. Every time he caught look at
himself IL glass. besides. he felt sort of
low and common, as he imagined an out
cast might feel and he observed that the
children of his acquaintance looked askance
at him or took to their heels and ran away
from him whenever he met them on the
street. The fox terrier pup at home, too,
regarded him with profound and visible
distrust when the beard began to become
particularly horrifying to look at. The dog
would back up into corner of Mr.. job
sons smoking room and gaze at his mas
ter resentfully for half an hour at
time, nor would he respond by so much as a
wag of his tail when Mr.. Jobson addressed
caressing remark to him.
All Of these things, however, were of no
Importance at all compared with the dis
NAL discovery which Mr.. Jobson made
when the beard was about ten days old.
A large patch of it, around the lower jaw
on the right-hand side. was coming out,
not merely gray, but as white as snow!
Now. Mr.. Jobsons hair Is still unmixed
with gray. The sight of that white patch
Stampeded him.
Notice how white that patch is?" he
said In some alarm to Mrs. Jobson when
he got home on the evening of the day he
noticed the white patch.
II think 1t is too distingue for anything!"
enthusiastically replied Mrs. Jobson.
Huh! I s'pose 1t 'ud tickle you foolish
IL looked about a hundred and fourteen
years of age" said Mr.. Jobson. disgrunt-
eddy.
On the following afternoon he had the
beard removed on his way home from the
Office. Mrs Jobson saw him on his way
home from the front room window, and she
clapped her hands delightedly over the
sight oEce more OF his clean-shaven
talcum-smoothed chin. But when he en-
tered the vestibule her face wore a splen-
did imitation of acute disappointment.
'Oh, you've gone and had 1t taken orr
she said to him.
That's what I have" said Mr. Jobson,
abruptly. IF you think that you're going
to have me gallivanting around the streets
of Washington looking like an Old Hoss
hobo or a dago brigand In a comic opera,
just because that pin-head Kaystreet has
no chin worth mentioning. and therefore
has to hide his face from the light of day,
and If you think you're going to keep on
making foil Of me and jollying me into
wearing q beard that makes me look like
patriarch in an old print, just so that peo-
pie will say that you look young enough
NO be my daughter-why, you've got an
other dream coming. Mrs. Jobson that's
all! can see through your little schemesr'
Mrs. Jobson broke into little quiet
chuckles, all by herself. for four days after
ward.
The Jumel Mansion.
From the Brooklyn Eagle.