The Savannah morning news., 1904-05-25
HAD HAMMER OUT
IN SAME OLD WAY
PHILOSOPHY. FACTS AND FUN.
SAM JONES kEFT HIS AUDIENCE
IN GOOD HTMoR.

Tackled n Little of Everything.
would Rather Have savannah
Machine Back of Him Than the
Preachers-Paid Respects to the
Drinking Man.
There was laugh to every square
inch of Sam Jones lecture at the
theater last night, measured Ions both
ways.
For more than an hour Mr.. Jones
held his audience with stories and illus
trations, while under all was a stratum
of good sense, which lost none of its
effectiveness by being served in sugar
coated style.
1t would require a long list to tell
OF the subjects treated, and the word
medley" was used advisedly by the
lecturer as It enabled him 10 sweep
the field and shell every object that
had not already ducked to cover. And
what the distinguished speaker did 20
some of the foibles and evils of MAN.
kind in general, and the residents Of
Savannah in particular. has not been
surpassed for-well, certainly not since
Mr.. Jones was here the last time.
The audience was in hearty sympa-
they with the lecturer. and enjoyed ev-
cry hit and applauded every telling
story. His lecture scintillated with good
things scattered with a lavish hand.
Capt u. H. McLaws introduced the
speaker in a few well-chosen remarks.
in which he expressed the pride Of
~ c1Iph a 6iGtin-
guished son.
lie Liked His Crowd.
Though Mr.. Jones was greeted by a
large crowd, the sight of a few empty
seats brought forth one of his jokes
1T looks like free lunches, vaudeville
and the parks have cut down our crowd
so there is nobody here except first
class people" said Mr.. Jones' as the
audience quickly appropriated the COM
pliment with laughter. I'VE come here
for a good time, and Wen have it"
Mr.. Jones then announced his sub
ject as being "A Medley of Philosophy,
Facts and Fun" with little politics
on the side. In true preacher stYle he
discussed each head separately, but the
third ingredient got the lions share of
the lacture.
Philosophy furnishes rules for doing
the best thing at the best time and in
the best manner, said Mr.. Jones. That
sort of fellow was denominated a phil
osopher but the speaker thought that
such a man would feel mighty lonesome
in Savannah. Facts were classed as
the most tremendous thing in the
world.
Something About Fools.
Speaking of the ignorance of the av-
erage young man who thinks Solomon
isn't in it with him. Mr.. Jones said: "A
Teller oughtn't to be allowed to GO
about by himself until he is thirty years
old"-here the speaker paused for the
audience to laugh-"and a woman new
or"
i've been a young fool" he said,
land I've been a middle aged fool. but
I'm praying the Lord to keep me from
being an old fool
81 always despised theology and
botany, but loved religion and flowers.
i don't want a doctor to talk physiol-
ogy, hygiene and anatomy to me. Let
him take me to the cemetery and show
me what he's done. If Heaven is
sickly country, I don't want 10 go
there, for there'll not be enough doc
tors to go around.
Turned Out Like SausaRes.
81 would speak to the professional
gamblers, but I believe that they are
now gone from Savannah.
These medical colleges and theolog-
zeal cemeteries turn out preachers and
doctors just like sausages-all just
alike Some of these little lawyers
and doctors are getting skeptical be-
fore they get a magistrates case, or
dose out a powder. The trouble is
that they're just a little jassakical.
80 many little lawyers there are
the hight of whose ambition is to get
to the Legislature, the little devils.
So many little preachers satisfied If
they can get place to preach the
gowspel.' So many little doctors who
would give the same thing for corn
on the toe or a wart on the nose. The
devil will get the whole bunch, but
thank the Lord he won't get much.
You fellows who were whooping up
free silver four years ago. IL you don't
feel like a fool now you just don't
feel natural.
IT don't need to ask what church
a man belongs to- but if he treats his
family right l give him the right
hand OF fellowship. But If he's not
the proper kind have the right hand
Of footship for him.
Fun Next to Religion.
Fun is the next best thing TO good,
old-fashioned religion. OF course, you
people here in Savannah know moth
ing about that. You wouldn't know
one If It were to come down the pike"
A ludicrous description of the att!-
tude of various churches was given.
When the Episcopalians were reached
the speaker paused and said, II won t
say it, for I've made 1t a rule in life
never to speak i'll of the dead
You have here churches with spires
running heavenward, but If was run
ming for Mayor I'd rather have the
machine back of me than all the
churches. One little fellow runs the
town, and you little preachers amt in
it. He can run mile while you're
putting on your boots.
THE next best thing to fun is money.
If a mans got his soul full of re-
ligion, his heart full of fun and his
pocket full of money he's elected. And
the only thing he wants is a wife, and
some of them don't want even a wife
long.
Il used to say, What God hath join
ed let not man put asunder,' but since
there's so many divorces l say, What
the DEVILS Joined together let EN- kick
the stuffin out of one another
THE man who don't love fun is dead.
and the interment is only postponed to
save funeral expenses.
After the Booze Lappers.
Boys, I've watched the procession,
and the man who bucks whisky and
gambling will hit the grit, and hit 1t
hard. You little bullet-headed fool. If
you keep it up, you'll be like your
daddy.
called is because il eats out a woman S
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