Condon globe. (Condon, Gilliam Co., Or.) 189?-1919, 1904-06-16
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''She says she is very fond Of mu-
sic" "InstrumentalT "Well, it's In
strumental in making the neiEhbors
swear when she gets at the piano,
Exchange.
Jinkins-How is your son getting
along in his literary laborsy JorSiEs
oh, famouslyl You should see how
gracefully he carries his pen behind
his ear-Boston Transcript
Tonsorial Artist-Your hair seems
to be coming out Freshman--Yes 1t
is. Tonsorial Artist-Tried our hair
tonic? Freshman-Yes. but that didn't
do It though.-Yale Record.
How hollow it soundsr' said a pa
tient under the movement cure, as the
physician was vigorously pounding his
chest 'oh, that's nothingw said the
doctor; wait till we get to the head"
Alice (aged 5)-Mamma, my appe-
tite says it's time for dinner, Mother
We'll. dear. 80 and see what the
clock says. Alice (some seconds later
The clock says my appetite is ten
minutes fast!
Husband-whatl A hundred dol
lars for an opera cloak? Why, 1t is
perfectly ridiculous, my dear. Wife
Yes, l know It is: but you said you
couldn't afford an expensive one.-Chi-
cago Daily News.
Teacher - Johnny, write on the
blackboard the sentence 'sTwo heads
are better than one" Now, Johnny,
do YOU believe thatl Johnny-Yes'm.
Cause then you kin get a job In a
dime museum and make lots o.
money.
AT what age do you consider wom-
en- the most charmingl" asked the in
Quisitive female of more or less un-
certain age. AT the age of the wom-
an who asks the question" answered
the man. who was a diplomat-New
Yorker.
Howes-Don't like this cold wealth
er, eh? Why. only last summer you
We're complaining of the heat. Barnes
Not OF the heat itself, but rather be-
cause of its untimeliness. 1t would be
all right If reserved for such weather
as this.-Boston Transcript
'You may turn up your nose at me.
Martha Ann Billiwink, but l want you
to remember it's leap year. and Kit
Garlinghorn is trying to get me away
from you" "Well, I'll just show the
freckle-faced thing she can't do that
George dearr'-Chicago Tribune.
Father" said Kathie, 'hOw much
does a quite small bottle of ink cost?'
you can get one for a penny" an
swered father. "A penny" exclaimed
Kathie, In great disgust "And num-
mie made an awful fuss when I upset
the littlest bottle in the cupbOardr'
Aren't you ashamed of your indo-
lence Indeed, l am" answered
Meandering Mike. i've been trying
to do something for it" "WhatT
"I've been takin' de faith cure. I've
been chopin make-believe wood wit
an imaginary ax."-Washington Star.
Newitt-Well. there's one thing
about the weather. It's always safe
topic of conversation. BOrroughs-I
thought 1t was to-day when l met
Lendham, but when started to speak
of it he said, "Yes, it's unsettled, and
that reminds me of that account of
yours"
Dear" said the politicians wife,
there's a handsome big policeman
whose beat embraces Mrs. Swellman's
house. Can't you get him transferred
to this neighborhoodT what for?"
demanded her husband. Mrs. Swell
man has an excellent cook and want
her."-Philadelphia Press.
The officers of British man-o' war
were entertaining their friends with a
grand lunch and in attendance were
some typical British tars. A young
lady, wanting a piece Of bread looked
| behind her chair at one of the sailors
in waiting, and asked him to bring her
what she wanted. But he drew him
self up, stiff and stern, and, to her
amazement, replied, Cant do it, miss;
I'm told of for taturs."
An Up-to-Date Village.-"Do you
have a good lecture course here during
the winterT was asked of the manager
of the Higginsville Lyceum. Indeed
we do" he answered; "and next season
we expect to outdo all previous records.
So far we have booked one ransomed
missionary, one reformed gambler, one
troupe of trained animals, one convert.
ed heather, one moving picture ma
chine and one professional personator.
We may take on a college professor who
wants to speak about the tendency of
modern literary thought but l don't
know. It's pretty hard to keep the
course on the same high plane of
thought throughout. Judge.
The Other Side of the Story: Sin.
gleton-What's the trouble, old man;
you look all broke up. Wederly-You
would doubtless look broke up, too, il
you had a mother-in-law like mine
and She Singleton-Ha! The old
old story; she's coming to spend a few
weeks with you, l suppose. Wederly
(sadly)-No; on the contrary, she has
been with US two months, and to-day
she was compelled to return home. She
nursed my wife through bad case OF
fever, took care Of the baby, attended
to the household duties, mended my
clothes, and loaned me five dollars on
three different occasions. Oh, tel
you, that woman is an earthly angel
IL there ever was one.-Ex.