The news & observer. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 1894-current, 1904-03-27
The Misl1ap of Squire Ber-
ny Todd.
By Rev. John Jordan Douglass, in the
Green Bag)


Green Bag)
Squire Perry Todd, Magistrate and No
tary Public, long, lank and loose jointed
Was apparently d typical American clti-
zen, bearing, as many declared, close
physical resemblance to the pictures OF
Uncle Sam But mentally and morally
Squire Berry was an enigma--a rara avis.
He invariably took the off side OF every
controversy in Pikeville-that is to say,
when his official function decreed moi
otherwise.
Living alone in his dingy, cob-weboea
Office holding daily converse and hisnliy
orgies with the venerable shades OIL iesai
| lore, the eccentric squire spent MS oo-
| clining-or rather we should say ms re-
clinng-years. With his yellow goat-oeara
and wisp OF golden hair, the squire
| Haunted defiance in the face OF the Ola
man of the SHOWS.
The sources favorite pastme was iish-
ing on the Sabbath, claiming that, accord
| ing to the most ancient and honorable
/ lexicographers, it was holiday rather
| than a holy day, the " having been
substituted to put burdensome restric-
| tion on youth.
A certain warm, sunshiny day in June,
when the members OF the Plkeville Bar
were industriously and conscientlously
singing or snoring off their sins, found
the squire seated on his favorite log over
Crocodile Creek" He had landed Coz
logged two terrapins and an eel, and
lost, by ENHANCEMENT with a raft OF
bush, hefty catfish. A swarm of mos
Quitoes sang about the squire, and it be
70 oil a
occasional peremptory flap with his broad
brimmed palmetto hat He was just in
the agony of one of the frantic flourishes
when his cork bobbed and sank, as If a
five-pounder had seized the hook. This
squire instantly made a sudden down
ward sweep, and, in the distraction of TIVE
things being done at almost one and the
same time, lost his equilibrium, and went
| backward into the creek like a monstrous
long-legged bull-frog.
| For moment only few big bubble:
marked the spot where ne had made his
| forcible entry, then the shiny bald spot
on his head appeared, closely followed by
bony arms and legs, and "a furious splat
ter. Blowing like porpoise, the squire
struck out for the nearest stretch o
shore, and had almost gained that coveted
terra firma when "a rusty, evil-eyed alb
gator suddenly interviewed. Though, from
the vantage point CT the shore, the log
like creature had seemed perfectly harm
less and inoffensive; the squire was no
anxious to cultivate his acquaintance in
the water; so for once he did just wha
other men would have done-turned ant
made for the opposite shore, as ii an in
instanter capias had been issued for him
Imagine, therefore, his surprise ant
CONSERVATION when another, and largel
alligator rose directly ir his liquid path
"a pretty kettle O fish, gasped The
squire II know now how to appreciate
the feelings of witness when the lawyers
get him betwixt the devil and the ceeE
blue. Shades OF Blackstone" he crieC
when he suddenly became entangled ir
the raft which had previously occasionet
the loss of his catfish. Help! help!
Now it happened that the Reverend
Jonas Biddle had candidates to baptizt
that day, and hearing the squire's cries
of distress, he hurried to the rescue.
1.-THE wicked stand in splippery places,
observed the parson, carefully perchins
himself on the log, and opening his Bible
at the forty-first chapter of Job. Listen
Canst thou draw out leviathan with
hook? Wilt thou play with him a.
with bird? Ono, sah,'' cried the squire
with an uneasy glance at the alligators)
Behold, the hope of him is in vain
shall not one be cast down even at tn,
sight Of him? C"Heaven forbid it,
calculated the SQUIRE. =. Who caI
open the doors of his face? His teeth ar,
terrible round about. ("For humanity.
sake. stop preaching and get nc out o
here!" shouted the squire.) HI
esteemeth iron as straw, and brass q!
rotten wood. =. He beholdeth al
high things"
The squire crouched lower in the water
which at that point was something owe
6 waist-deep. Rejoice not when thin,
enemy falleth; let him that standetl
take heed lest he fall" he cried desper
ately. IL never" do YOU believe i,
immerson?" interrupted the preacher.
''It seems So"
do you believe in the final preserya
ton Of the saints, and the final persecu
ton of the wicked?''
.. IT believe in the final persecution 9
the saints and the final perseverance c
the wicked, averred the squire.
"Then work out your own salvatio
with fear and trembling said the preacl
er with decisive ring in his voice. IN
candidates are waiting yonder. 1 must /
, going"
STAY cried the squire II subscrit
to that"
do you promise. if admitted to IL
church, to love the brethren and sisters
, continued the preacher.
The squire demurred at this Che he
, never been an admirer of the sisters
, but glancing at the alligators, whit
seemed to be manoeuvering to foreclo
their mortageg, he gave vent tc wea
f affirmative.
| Zone more brief question: said tt
e preacher, securely tying a rope, which
!. carried for use in baptismal emergencie
: to the log. ''Do you, here and no
4 henceforth and forever renounce, d
] nounce, decry, deny, and despise Il
: world, flesh and the devil-and fishing {
the Sabbath
: 81 d-d-d-do," shiveringly admitted t
t squire with an egg blue look about
: lips.
| Then. brother Berry Todd I cast vi