The Laurens advertiser. (Laurens, S.C.) 1885-1973, 1904-09-14
Civilized Warfare.

a monstrous battle has been in pro-
gress at Manassas and T~horoughfare,
Va, during last week. Thirty thou.
sand men have been divided into the
Bluesky and the Brownsky armies
and according to the press dispatches
they have been shooting and capturing
each other in a perfectly innocent,
harmless and hurtless way at a prodig-
ious rate, the object being TO teach the
American militia the artless art of war
and show off what Teddy Roosevelt
calls his "big stick"
In the first attack Field Marshal
Grantsky failed to break the lines of
Gen. Bellsky, who commanded the
Blueskys. On the second night Gen.
Corbinsky attended a banquet and on
the following morning he awoke at
10 o'cIoc with the impression that he
had captured all the Brownskys in his
mouth and had the Blueskys impri-
soned in his headsky.
1t is aaid that the casualties on both
sides were terrific and that 800 of the
Brownskys fell at the first vollsy of
fuss X.
1t is limited that the first and second
South Carolina regiments were In
charge of the ammunition trainy which
included some 14,OOO kegs and more
bottles OF explosives of a liquid charac-
ter.
When Gen. Bellsky was surprised
and surrounded in his bedsky the en-
envy appropriated the bed but released
Beilsky on parole.
AT M time there was a general
stampede of two brigades which only
stopped running when they reached
Washington, but there Gen. Blissky
easily rallied them at O'Flaherty's
congressional saloon in Pennsylvania
avenue
while h Brownsky army was en-
gagged in a moonlight assault on the
Blueskys three regiments of Connecti-
cut and Ohio nigskies became detached
from the column ard were captured tn
q man. 1t is stated that at the point
where the capture was effected a
farmer reported to Gen. Corbipsky
next morning the mysterious disap-
pearance OF two dOminecker roosters
aud a hen. 1t was also reported that
certain Southern regiments at this
time had refused to salute a saddle
colored Connecticut colonel, but the
story was denied, 1t is conjectured
that with the ROSTERS in view there
was no time for salutes; hence the
story was false on its face.
a most regrettable disaster occurred
at the duchess of Danderwilt's ball. Ill
appears that u Georgia lieutenant who
was carrying his legs in a sling from
the effects of a IL bottle projectile of
scotch highballs stumbled on the Ouch.
essls military train which became de-
rallied. The train was recovered in sec.
lions and its fragments In the form OF
Blk and satin distributed as memen-
toes OF the catastrophe. The young Of
bcer was OF course court martialed
and condemned to be shot. The sep
had been partially carried ont
when last heard from, for the on.,Ar
was fully half ehot.
AT the close of the fighting o aouncil{
d war met aud General Bepsky tool
inc chair aud a dscanter and Gener,I
9raniski o two chairs. and two
General Corbans)si ~.
remarked that while 40 400
men had participated an the n~anoenroo
a never been able to see less thar
at one time. Umpire Wagner
'ki arose and moved that the late Gem
9ral W. T. Sherman wa o fool whom
le said that war was hellski:n for
nat 1t was not even baseballski. The
wss enthusiastically passed with
~decanters included as amendments.
\ motion to adjourn followed and the
were again offered as amend.
aents. The amendments passed butt