Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1904-05-27

>e.e.oe.~~~
Englishwoman-Have you been to
Westminster Abbey yet? Fair Amer
ican-No; but hear it highly spoken
of.-Ex.
Visitor-Has your little baby sister
got any teeth? Tommy-Oh, yes! |
guess she's got 'em. but she ain't
hatched 'em out yet-Philadelphi
Ledger.
What do you think of my death
scene" asked the actor. well, 1t
seemed to me it came a little too late
in the piece" was the reply.-Chica-
go Evening Post
Daily Guide to Flattery-If you
meet a woman who strongly suspects
that she is beauty, ask her earnestly
1t all her family are beautiful.-Bal-
timore American.
Dorothy-So Jack kissed you, ELI
Did you give him any encourage
ment? .Judia-Encouragement! Say.
I guess you don't know Jack, do you
Philadelphia Ledger.
Anything To Blame 1t on.-Mother
Johnny Jones, did you get that aw-
full cold out skating? Son-Mother. I
think l caught it washing my face
yesterday morning.Judge.
The Empress Of China-What IL
that strange noise l hear? The Min
lister Of the Intarior-It Is the bottom
dropping out Of the New York stock
market. your majesty.-Life.
Stimulation.-BiggsI understand
that young Briefly has taken up the
law since he married. Diggs-yery
likely. l understand that his wife
lays it down to him.-Chicago News
Willie-Pa, you don't get chestnuts
until after there's frost, do you? Pa
Except in the case of a farce-com-
edy, my son. Then the chestnuts come
first and the frost afterward.-Phila-
delphia Press.
A Physicians Blunder.-Dr. Jinks
IL suppose you must have lost some
Of your patients by being away for
50 long a time? Dr. Kent-Yes, con-
found it! Ten or dozen of them got
well.-Boston Transcript.
Small Consolation.-The Landlady--
I'm afraid Mr.. Slopay has forgotten
what a large bill he owes me. The
Star Boarder-No, he hasn't. He said
enly yesterday that he wished he had
money enough to move.-Judge.
Miss Pepprey|I suppose that was
your valet 1 saw with you yesterday
Cholly-My deah Miss Peppwey, don't
say valet" That word, you know,
Is not used now as Miss Pepprey
well, then, your 'keepeE"-Ex.
Miss Howjames (at the opera)-
Hasn't she a marvellous technique1
Mr.. Cahokia-Yes, but she doesn't-er
seem to know how to manage It
gracefully. She gives it a sort of kick
when she turns around.-Chicago Trib-
une:
"My gracious! What crush!"
gasped the shopper; "I'm nearly
dead" Permit me, madam" said the
foorwalker, politely. ito call your at
tention to our undertaking department
in the basement" t."-Philadelphia Led
ger.
Mr.. B.-My dear Mrs. Croesus, may
I not put your name down for tickets
to Professor Pundit's course of lee
lures on, Buddhism? Mrs. Cob, by
all means! You know how passion
ately fond 1 am Of flowers Pick
Me-Up.
Mrs. Jilson-Foreign newspapers
contain many advertisements of titles
fer sale by members of noble families.
Old Jilson-They should advertise for
sealed proposals from American heir
esses; this is leap year-Detroit Free
Press.
Laying Down the Law.-Lady (en-
tertaining friends little girD-Do you
take sugar. darling? The Darling
Yes, please Lady-How many Jumps?
The Darlington, about seven, and
when I'm out to tea l start with cake.
Punch.
Mr.. Milyuns-Now, Tommy, you
must 20 to school and work hard
Why, look at me! I started without
a cent, and now I'm millionaire.
Tommy-Yes. 1 know; but you can't
do 1T any more. They all have cash
registers now.-Ex.
Living at Swamphurst, eh? That's
up the river, isn't it?' YES" Are
your grounds near the waterT "Well,
sometimes they're as much as six
inches from the surface. and on rare
occasions there's no water on them at
an."-Philadelphia Ledger.
A Shrewd Wife.-Mrs Greene
hope you trust your husband implicit
ly7 Mrs. Brown-Oh, yes, indeed; but
I wouldn't have him know it for the
world. If he were aware Of my per-
feet trust in him he might be tempted
to take advantage Of it, you know
Boston Transcript.
Exercise for Both.-Does your wife
90 in for athletics?" "Um-yes. in a
way. She went our Yesterday to take