New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1904-05-14
THE TALK OF THE DAY.

Eugene Field book collector. and one Of his
faYorite jokes. according 20 The Philadelphia
Post to enter a bookshop where he was not
known and ask in the solemnest manner for an
eXpurgated edition OF Mrs. HemaDs's poems. One
day in Milwaukee he was walking along the street
with his friend. George Yenowine. when the latter
halted In front OF a bookshop and said Gene
the proprietor OF this place is the most serious
ever knew. lie never joke in his life
Wouldn't IL be good chance to try again for
that expurgated Mrs. Hemans?" Without a word
Field entered. asked for the proprietor. and then
made the usual request That is rather scarce
book" the reply. Are you prepared TO pay
a fair price FOR IT, For just second Field
taken aback: then he said: Certainly. certainly
II know It's rare" The stepped to case
took a cheapIy bound volume. and handed 1t 70
Field saying: THE price Is 81 Field took It
vousy opened the title page and read in correct
print The Poems OF Mrs. Felicia Hemans. Sc
Iected and Arranged with All Objectionable Pas
sages Excsed by George Yenowine. Editor OF
Isaac Watts for the Home The Fireside Hannah
More etc ." with the usual publishers name and
date at the bottom Field glanced up at the book
seller He stood there the very picture OF sad so
Iemnity IN take it, said Field. family producing
the money Outside Yenowine was missing. At his
office boy said that he had Just left saying that
he was going to Standing Rock. Oak, to keep
an appointment with Sitting Bull.
The Verdict-Miss Breezy-well. Mr. Harkaway!
Now that you have inspected me thoroughly, what
MIR H.~An can say Miss Breezy is. Il came.
saw. you conquered. '-(Brookiyn Life
1t frequently happens. when there is big auto
mobile smashup or some is and
killed that the chauffeur is out with his employers
machine giving some friends airing. story
IS told OF a French chauffeur who considered that
the absence of the owner was sufficient excuse to
warrant him taking out the servants of the house
for trip in the The admiration of the female
members OF the party. however. turned his head.
and dashlng down steep hill, the car upset. with
disastrous results. The cook to the household
was killed on the spot. the driver was very badly
injured and the car was reduced to fragments. In
this the owner OF the car showed philosophy
unbounded. AS he expressed himself. II can get
a new car obtain a new chauffeur. but never
shall find again such cook.
True Frierd.-Teac her-Who was the best
friend ireland ever had?
he discovered Ameriky.-(rown Topics.
One of the largest and most expensive mineral
collections in existence. owned by John F. Cam
pion of Leadville. Col, will form part of Colorados
mineral exhibit at the st. Louis Fair The col
lection is valued at s2500oo. the bullion value alone
being $4,000. 1T mas never -pelore peeh placed on
exhibition.
THE FIGHTING RACE SEEMS MISSING.
I've been readin' the papers
And watchin the capers
or Russian and Jap on the land and the sea-
And it's got me to guessin
Why some names Is missin'
That should be conspicuous where nghtin's so free
Shure! where are the Reliiys,
The Caseys and Ktleys,
And ali OF the tribes of the Macs and the O's?
- There was never real fghtn'
or wrongs to be rightin'
Taut some a thin byes d be strtkin' their blows
Now the longer / ponder
The struggle out yonder,
vvbere thn Jap and the Russian are ffirtin' Wild
The more I'm decidin'
The Irishmans hdin
Fehind the ouare front OF a haythenish name.
If We read of "Patriski
Or ''NIichelkomiski
Yeu know they're not Russians at all, II we're wise
And the Japs ''Tomohara
And '"Teddima CARA
Are simply good Connaught men there in disguise
-(Catholc Standard
Tho liking for a gamble. though the odds are all
against them seems inveterate In English farmers
They prefer when selling fat cattle. to pit their
experience against the butcher and TO sell at sight
instead OF by weight. At present the total of all
the cattle markets OF England and Scotland In
which the weigh bridge is scheduled as in is
only twenty-one. OF which six are In Scotland and
fifteen in England.
AN EDITED LIMERICK.
There once a maid named Marian
Who a most terrible prcyaricator.
She never believed.
She so oft had deceived.
or lying she ne'er seemed to weary