The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1903-10-28
SNOWY SLOPES DON'T PLEASE
THE PEOPLE OF HONOLULU

Editor Advertiser: Being stranger !
here I was much interested in the large
tourist advertisement that you pub
lished this morning. Not only has
it interested but also amused, and
amused the more and more have read
it. am afraid that the advertisement
writer of Hawaii is overtaxing some
what the practical matter-of-fact East
ern mind when he depicts to ''all wor-
thy people, how your snowy slopes"
exhibit "the perpetual gladness of YER
nal life The idea of a perennial con-
cert may be good advertising
scheme, presumably an outdoor concert
is intended, though it is difficult for a
practical business man like myself to
grasp any ideas of harmonic strains
that must tunefully emanate from a
"fruiting and Towering in perennial
concert" But I hope to be on hand
with two bits admission money in my
pocket when the great "fruiting and
towering orchestration is fully wound
up and started on the journey of its
perennial concert
No wheezy sound from a merry-go-
round,
But flowers ar d fruit from harmony's
lutte.
But even in my idle vacation days
cannot resist the vast business oppor-
tunities and possibilities offered in
your "tincture of the sea-" Why, sir,
there are millions in it! How is it that
Hawaii has not previously developed
an enterprising spirit to garner the
golden coins? ''Tincture Of the seal"
A fortune, nay fortunes in it!
Mr.. Editor, am already designing
roomy and robust containers to carry
your tincture Of the sea to the main
| land. I I'm in cable communication
as to freight rates for a dozen ships
are needed to convey thousands of gall
Ions of the Pacific Ocean to cure all the
| ills and pangs OF outrageous fortune
that suffering humanity is heir to.
| Half ounce bottles Of Hawaii's ''tinc-
ture of the sea" for twenty-five cents!
The greatest cure-all of the twentieth
century. Cures rheumatism, lumbago,
| sciatica, Bright disease, heart trou-
bles, brain fever, diabetes and pips in
| given up by the doctors have been
quickly and thoroughly cured by Ha-
waits ".incture of the sea- Ten
drops in a teaspoonful of water. Shake
the bottle if you like a salty flavor.
Il Mr.. Editor, and people Of Hawaii,
you have marvel in your midst and
seem to know it not. A man who can
coneoct and sling together the slush
contained in the Introductory sentences
of your latest tourist advertisement
would make a fortune in Chicago as q
barker for Casino or music hall
All he would need is a slight English
accent and a monocle in his ocular.
1 subscribe myself, sir, from
SMOKY PITTSBURG.
Il SNOW AS A TROPICAL ASSET.
: Editor Advertiser: You are right
Oh IN
ice-bound Fasteners seek the tropic!
for, warmth or cold? Are they trying
to get away fror, heat UP North so a!
to find frost I,earer the equator? L
that their idea? Think of Southern
} California, which odvertises perpetual
summer" and June in January" dec
Grating their advertisements with /;
} picture of the desolate, snow-ridgeC
summit of Mount Whitney, Peopl
over there, if they fear Hawaii as
Z rival resort, will take great joy il
( our methods of advertising.
} The best thing ever written of Ha
waii is Mark Twain's prose poem.
there anything about snow in it? I
there were, wouldn't it spoil the who'll
thing?
Even if people were inclined to leav
Oregon and Minnesota and New Yorl
and come here for snow they would b
! fooled There is no snow here ant
there is none in the Territory which
tourists can see from the Honolulu,
hotels at which they will put up. Ye
| it is to be inferred from our advertis
|! ing that the man on the roof garden
of the Young Hotel is as near snow!
slopes as he is sunny shores.
" What is there in it for Hawaii t.