Evening star., 1903-09-26
MR.. JoBsON OWNS UP

Mr.. Jobson spent Sunday afternoon last
in rummaging around the attic. Along
toward supper tkn4 he clomped downstairs,
carrying a heavy. dust-covered, black
enameled clock in his arms.
why isn't this clock working?" he IN
ouired Of Mrs. Jobson.
why" replied Mrs. Jobson. you put 1t
up in the attic yourself a couple of years
ago-you said you were tired of looking at
it-that It was too black and gloomy look
Ing
Another one of those things 1 must ha'
said when was taking hasheesh and sound
asleep" said Mr.. Jobson. II don't see
why you want to hide about half the truck
we possess up'in that attic. I'll bet there's
five Thousand dollars worth Of good stuff
moldering away up there, covered with cob
webs. and lying idle. that we might be get
ting the good out Of. Whered we ever get
hold OF this clock, anyhow
ut was Uncle Absolam's wedding gift"
said Mrs. Jobson.
"Oh. yes-member now said Mr.. job
son. First and only time your old schee-
sicks of an Uncle Alb ever loosened up-bet
ne bought the clock at an auction or fire
sale, at that-an-let'S see-he's come on
here to Washington and settled on US for
9 month or so about fifteen times to get
hunk for that clock. hasn't he?"
Mrs. Jobson makes It a rule not to make
any reply to Mr.. Jobson's dabs at her rela-
tives, and so she said nothing.
Just hand me that oil can of the sewing
machine" directed Mr.. Jobson. "and I'll
grease this old hew-gag up a bit. and in
ABOUT a minute you'll hear the musicalest
ticking nc I'M, that you ever listened to. I always
did like the tick OF that old clock, anyhow,
no matter what l might have thought of
the more or less imbecile and hanky-pank
cacklins OF the connection n-by-marriage who
bestowed 1t upon u.s."
Mr. Jobson opened the back door of the
CLOCK and carefully oiled its works, self
complacently remarking as he did so:
This Is where simeon clocks. When 1
was youngster used to keep all of the
CLOCKS IN the neighborhood in running order
-1o!ks used to say that I had a regular
genius for tinkering with mulish and balky
clocks and making 'em get busy after
they'd been on strike and silent for a long
time" e
Yes?" said Mrs. Jobson. with a fine imi-
tation of enraptured interest
"Uh-huh." said Mr. Jobson. ''Tbev used to
say that all that young Jobson had to do
was to Just look at stubborn and mig
headed clock, and away the durn thing 'ud
go and never get up kick again until the
now watch her slicker!" and Mr.. Jobson
picked up the clock with both of his hands
ana gave 1t vigorous shake. Nothing do
ing. The clock didn't tick. Mr.. Jobson
Dead silence on the part Of the clock
That's funny" said Mr.. Jobson, scratch
ing his head, and shooting a lightning
glance at Mrs. Jobson to see whether she
was smiling-but Mrs. Jobson is used to
lightning glances. and she wasn't You
haven't been fooling any with this clock
your"
Deed haven't" said Mrs. Jobson. in
reply. Il haven't never so much as touched
1t since you put 1t I'D there"
was 1t working all right when it was
exiled to the garrett inquired Mr.. Jobson.
Perfectly" replied Mrs. Jobson
We'll. It's blamed queer, that's all I've
got to say about It," said Mr.. Jobson, in
suspicious tone. You'd think that after
rest of a couple Of years that clock would
be actually enthusiastic for work Sure you
didn't let 1t remain out in the back yard
and get rained on. or anything like that,
ret. chr"
I've never SO much as had my hands on
1t since you put 1t up in the attic" en-
phatically repeated Mrs. Jobson.
well. the blasted things been conjured
and has got the evil eye or something, all
right enough" growled Mr.. Jobson. grab
bing hold OF the clock and beginning to
swing it up and down and back and forth
like man pulling at weight-exercising
machine. II don't want to have to take the
Internal old cOntraption all apart. but"
MAYBE" Hrs. Jobson tried to suggest.
"the clock needs
Maybe it needs course Of breakfast
food-you know all about it. spose,"
snapped Mr. Jobson. Maybe 1t wants to go
out on the lawn and roll like a yearling
calf or Newfoundland pup. Maybe it de-
mands the union wage scale and only six
hours work day Maybe it wants some
popcorn or pickles. Maybe you think you're
better able to get this clock to do what 1t
was built to do than 1 am hey?'
mot at ALL" calmly replied Mrs Jobson,
only l was going to suggest that"
well. I'm not going around bellering for
any suggestions whatever, of any kind.
lemme attend to this. all by my lonesome.
If you please. and If there's any work in
this clock. then it'll be working inside of
fifteen minutes or I don't know the diff
ference between clock and a bucket Of
whtewash."
Mr.. Jobson fooled with the clock for
about ten minutes. blowing on all of the
wheels and cogs and tinkering with them
with the point of his lead pencil but it was
all no go. The clock stubbornly refused
to emit so much as one solitary tick. Then
Mr.. Jobson, with the perspira ton standing
out on his forehead, exuded a growl of
rage. and tossed the clock onto the sitting
room lounge, while he stormed up and down
the room. clutching at his hair, and raging
at Mrs. Jobsons Uncle Absolam for ever
having worked such a. bunco piece Of punk
machinery Off on him.
Il want that confounded piece of phony
these grounds by the garbage man in the
morning" howled Mr.. Jobson as he tossed
the clock onto the lounge "and-"
But why?" softly inquired Mrs. Jobson.
She had picked up the clock, wound
it softly, and 1t was going: merrily by the
time Mr.. Jobson suddenly became aware
of the ticking and gazed at Mrs. Jobson
in amaZement.
What did you do to 1t to make 1t go?'
hoarsely inquired Mr.. Jobson who hadn't
observed Mrs. Jobson in the act Of winding
the clock.
II did what I was trying to suggest that
you dol wound 1t up" said Mrs. Jobson.
1T was run dOwn-that's all that allied it."
Mr.. Jobson turned very red. Then he
coughed sepulchra1ly. and picked a tooth
pick out of his vest pocket and chewed on
it nervously. Then he grinned sheepishly
at Mrs Jobson.
Say. do make a condinged pinhead of
myself once in a while, don't I?' he at
length said to Mrs. Jobson, in the tone
which he only employs when he Is hope
lessly cornered. Selling advantage Of the
situation, Mrs. Jobson nailed him to take
her to the theatre. and got away with It,
Curious Mock Execution.
From the Philadelphia Public Ledger