Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1903-02-12

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Culture: Ruth-Mr. jenkins has such
an air Of culture. hasn't he? Tom
Oealous)-Hum-yes. agriculture.-Kan.
sas City Journal.
Defined and Described: Teacher
What is farm? Bright Little Girl
A piece of land entirely covered by a
mortgage.-Detroit Free Press.
Teaching Him: Toni can read
your thoughts. Clara-I can hardly
believe 1t, for if you could you wouldn't
Sit 50 far away.-lndianapolis Jour-
nal.
Fully Covered: A woman on the
death of her husband telegraphed to a
distant friend: Dear Joseph is dead
Loss fully covered by insurance. Tit.
Bits.
All Hers: "Ah, but, count" she
cried, do you love me for myself
aione'' YES" he replied, You are
your fazaire's only d."-Chicago
Times H erald.
Little Willie-Say. pa. what's an ego
tistF Pam egotist. my son, is man
who tells you those things about him.
self which you intended to tell him
about yourself.-Chicago News.
Instructor lin despair)-well, at least
you can tell ME where the Magma
Charta was signed? Student Cheer.
fully)-Oh, yes! King John signed that
at the bottom.-Harvard Lampoon.
Sure enough: Little Elmer-Papa.
what Is the hand of providence? Pro-
lessor Broadhead-The hand of provi.
dence my son, is what we usually see
In the misfortunes Of others.-Puck.
Bridget, did you hear the bell?"
"1es-sum." why don't you go to the
door. then| Sure, mum, I'm not ex-
pectin amy one. 1t must be some
body to see you.'-Baltimore Herald.
TO Remove the Shells: Mrs. New
wed lat dinner Mandy. why do you
serve nutcrackers with the turkey ?
Mandy-Well. yO' done tole me to stuff
de turkey wifi chestnuts.-Detr Free
Press.
TOMMY think mamma is an awful
gossip. Ethel-Oh, Tommy. how can
you say such a thing? Tommy-Well,
she Is; everything | do she Immediate
ly goes and tells papa. hate gossip.
Tit Bits.
Il see Newlywed at the Country
Club quite often since his baby came.
thought he was firmly anchored to
a home life" 'He was. but at the
first squall he began to drag his an
chor."-Puck.
Optional: do you have to ask your
wife for money!" faltered the little
man with the hunted look in his eyes.
Not on your life!" replied the large,
brusque man; but rather than go
without, sometimes do"-Detroit
Journal
a Hardship of Modern War: She
The strain on the soldier in modern
warfare must be very great. He-It
Is. Sometimes the photographer isn't
ready. and you have to wait hours.
and then the pictures may prove fail
ures.-Judge.
Early lessons in ornthology: Squire
ito rural lad)-NOw, my boy, tell me
how do you know an old partridge
from young one? Boy-By teeth, sir.
Squire-Nonsense. boy. You ought to
know better. a partridge hasn't got
any teeth. Boy-No sir; but have
Punch.
An enthusiastic sightseer in London
was telling her friend that she had
been fortunate enough to get good
view Of Lord Kitchener. "Ah." said
the friend, Il suppose he Is very
bellicose man" "Oh, no." was the
reply, quite slim l assure you."-Chi-
cago News.
Mother-You naughty boy. You've
been fighting. Little Son-No. mother.
Mother-How did your clothes get torn
and your face get scratched? Little
Son-l was trying to keep bad boy
from hurting good little boy. Mother
That was noble. Who was the good
little boy? Little -Me-Pittsburg
Bulletin.
Answered by telephone: Parker
What's wrong, You seem worried
Streeter-I am. wrote two notes
one to my broker asking him if he took
me for fool, and the other to Miss
Golding asking her If she would be
mine. While was out somebody
telephoned Yes and don't know
which of 'em 1t was.-Chicago News.
"Would you advise me to read The
Virginian'i" the fair young girl looked
up and asked him. Not yet" he
gravely replied; always wait until a
book has been on the market for a
full year and a half before you read
it." A little later he murmured softly
to himself: by that time may be
able to get her copy for Is cents"
For, in addition to giving sage advice,
he was not averse to turning an hon.
est penny.-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
A stylishly dressed woman entered a
restaurant. The waiter handed her a
bill of fare written in French, and