Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1903-08-06
SUM-
D]b1zSs
oNNOooN~

you, compared with Mr.. Walsing-
ham, exclaimed Mrs. Wekncze, scorn-
fully. Nv ny. you can't hold candle
TO him" WELL" replied Mr.. Wekneze,
with unwonted spirit. Il have no de-
sire to be candle-stick "-Somerville
journal.
so this is to be a farewell tourW
1T is" answered the prima donna.
You mean to cease singing in pub
licI' Not at all Merely that people
are to have another opportunity to say
farewell TO their money. ashing-
ton Star
Willie Boerum- PA. what's the diff
ference between news and gossip"
Mr.. Boerum-"Well, my son, when
ever your mother tells anything to
anyone it's news, but when anyone
tells her anything it's gossip. New
York Times
Il hear your engagement to old
Goldman's daughter is announced
mo, it was announced" We'll. that's
the same thing, isn't it, 1T was an
nounced; it is now denounced. I've
just been interviewing her father. -
Washington Star.
What do you think of the new
boarderY" asked Mrs. Starvem. "Oh,
don't know" replied STAFFORD. Il
think he's very polite" "Either that
or very sarcastic Did you hear him
IL m
Philadelphia Press.
This town." said the Western BOOM
er, was practically built in Il day. We
do things in Il hurry out here" NO
doubt" replied the man from the East
but | am more interested in receiving
some assurance that it will not dsap-
pear in a day."-Chicago Post.
Doubtful: Mr. leigh-TOmmy,
do you really think your sister likes
to see me better than she does Mr..
Brown? Tommy-l'm sure of it, for
evenings when he's in the parlor she
turns the light down so low she can't
see him at all."-Pick MeUp.
Fathers ultimatum: Father trying
to read)-What's that terrible racket
in the hail? Mother-One of the chill
dren just fell down the stairs. Father
Well you tell the children If they
can't fall downstairs quietly they'll
have to stop it.-Chicago News.
No cause for complaints: so you
resent these hints of dishonesty in
the governments" Most emphatic"
answered Farmer Corntossel; i've
been buying age-stamps from the
government fur years, and never got
cheated yet. Washington Star.
why is it," asked the curious guest,
that the poor men usually give larger
tips than rich men;" well, sub"
said the waiter de po' man don't
want nobody to fin out he's po'. an de
rich man don't want nobody to fin out
hes rich, sub. "-Chicago Tribune.
Judge-"Do you solemnly swear to
tell the truth. the whole truth and
nothing but the TRUTH" Witness-"I
do" Judge-"What is your occupa-
tion?" Witness-"I am employed in the
weather bureau" Judge-"You are
excused. Philadelphia Telegraph.
His early training: "A two-cent
stamp. please" said the lady at the
stamp window Of the pos,otfice. Yes,
madam" replied the new clerk. who
had Just graduated from depart
ment store; will you take it with
you or have it sent? '-Chicago News.
An unjust dispersion: Eyes, our So
cIety's new president certainly is a
busy woman, but they say she Is neg
lecting her duties as wife and moth
err" THAT is not true. | know for a
fact that she manages to see her fam
ily almost every day. "-Brooklyn Life.
Mr.. Wredink Uhe old bookkeeperD-
To- day marks my fortieth year of SER
vice with you. sir. MIR. Hides-l was
aware of it, Mr.. Wredink. and | ar
ranged IA little surprise for you. Take
this alarm clock, with my best wishes
for your continued punctualty. FIX.
You want that book bound. sir;
Yes. sir 1t will cost three marks
But there are pictures in lt-that will
make 1t five marks. sir" But why is
it more with picturesY "Oh, you see
sir, my helper will waste SO much
time looking at them.-Fliegende
Blaetter.
Wigger-"But when their boat cap
sized. how did it happen that you gave
your attention to saving the man in
stead of the woman?' Brandt-"A
man. YOU know. wouldn't feel it in
cumhent upon him to want to marry
me to show his gratitude. '-Bostor
Transcript.
Mother-You say your husband nc
longer spends his evenings at the club
Daughter-I soon broke him of that
Mother-How did you manage? Daugh
ter-Before going to bed | put two
easy-chars close together by the par
lor fire, and then held a match to 9
cigar until the room got faint odol
of smoke.-New York Weekly.
This" said the dealer, lis the very
latest odometer. You should hav,
one" whats the idea Of it," in
ouired the beginner. 1T registers thu
number of miles your automobile tray
els" "Have you anything that viii