davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-02-17
Superior to Them.

Superior to Them.
Once my little brother wished to
ride with papa. Papa said, "No, not
under the circumstances"
My little brother replied: "Ob,
can ride on the circumstances, papa"
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-02-17
Not on the Menu.

NOT on the MENU
One day when my brother was lit
tie boy, my grandfather was guest
at dinner. That afternoon a neighbor
said to my brother:
You had your grandpa for dinner.
didn't your
mo, SIR" was the prompt reply; "we
had turkey"
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-02-17
Little Stories and
Incidents that Will
interest and Enter
tain Young Readers

The two sisters were running races
with the spaniels, Dot and Don, when
they heard mammals voice.
80, dear, now it's pecks and pints
and bushels again. grumbled Made
line, as she led her sister chase up the
stairs. She stopped short at the school
room door, and gazed at the table in
wonderment
"Wh-y!" gasped Janet, over her shoul-
der.
On the table was an army of cups and
glasses and boxes, large pail of sand
and another of water. The mother
smiled to see their faces.
We'll learn about the measure In a
new way" she said. She pushed the
glasses and tin pals to one end Of the
table, beside the water. ''Those are to
measure liquids in," she explained.
"We will take water for our liquid,
and play it is milk
"Oh, that will be funv' cried Made
line. MAY I measure it out in those
cunning glasses?"
Yes, you can take charge Of the
milk and Janet may have the dry
measure end Of the table, and she can
learn to measure out salt and pears
and apples."
''It is only sand," laughed her sister.
'Just as much salt as your water is
milk" returned Janet, good-naturedly.
What delightful work it was!
Madeline took the little gill glass and
filed it four times to make the pint cup
full to the brim. Then that had to be
filled twice and poured into the quart
bowl, and the bowl four times before
the big gallon pail was full.
Meantime Janet had been conquering
the dry measure table with her sand
and her pretty, round, coverless boxes.
The girls changed sides, and the fun
went on till dinner time. The next day
the girls took turns in keeping grocery
store. The trade was very brisk, and
before the day was over both sisters
knew dry and liquid measures perfect
ly.-Youth's Companion.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1903-05-15
A SWEET BREATH.

Is a never failing sign of q
healthy stomach. When the breath
is bad the stomach is out of order.
There is no remedy in the world
equal to Kodol Dyspepsia Cure for
curing indignation, dyspepsia and
all stomach disorders. Mrs. Mary
S. Crick, of White Plains, Ky.
writes: II have be zen a dyspeptic
for years-tried all kinds of remedies
but continued, TO grow worse. By
the use of Kodol I began to improve
at once, and aftef taking a few
bottles am fully restored in weight,
health and strength and can eat
whtever I like, Kodol digests what
you eat and. makes the stomach
sweet. F. M. hickman,
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1903-05-15
vvyvAYH ~ ~ YNYYY million suffering
AlNN at A IL uIH/v have found relief in
vv1x\A u NzAAAD 4 Wine of Cardui.
THE MISSING LINK.
Let those who think that evolnti

Let those who think that evolution
is an assured fact producing the
missing link, and then we shall test
the chain. A present thet situation
is this: There are two chai", man
and the brute creation. The scientist
says there is but one chain and
these are the two ends, and all he
needs is the missing link, but find
ing it is the question. For a time
the monkey tracks were followed
with the utmost care. but not the
first trace of the missing link could
be found, and to<the Best thinkers
a thought none ever existed. Though
man be traced back six and even
seven thousand years, he was still
and then was there just as wide a
gap between him and the monkey
family as there is at the present time
No race of people has ever been
known to fall to the level of the
monkey tribes, and then, on the
other hand, no body of monkeys has
ever come up to the level of the
most savage of men. The missing
link does not materialize and so
Genesis stands. Moses told the real
origin of man and he needed no
missing link. Copied from Gospel
Messenger.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1903-05-15
Husband and Wife Die.

An inquest was held recently q
Brean, near Weston-super-Mare, Glou.
cestershire, England, on the bodies Of
Albert Clapp, an elderly fisherman,
and his wife. The evidence showed
that one Saturday evening Clapp had
gone to fsh his nets. The night was
dark and foggy, and, losing his way,
he stuck in the mud and was drowned
by the incoming tide. Mrs. Clapp,
anxious at her husbands prolonged
absence, went to look for him with q
lantern. She suffered from heart dis
ease, and in her fright at not finding
her husband succumbed in the mud.
Both bodies were washed ashore.
about half a mile apart, next morn
ing.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1903-05-15
A SURE THING.

!. It is said that nothing is sure
except death:and taxes, but that ID
not altogether true. DR.. Kings
New Discovery for Consumption
is sure cure for all lung and
throat troubles. Thousands can
testify to that Mr.. q. B. Van Metre
of shepherdtown, ". Va. says II
had a severe case of Bronchitls
and for a year tried everything !
heard Of, but got no relief. One
bottle of DR.. Kings New Discovery
then cured me absolutely" It's
infallible for Group, whooping cough,
grip pneumonia and consumption.
Try it. It's guaranteed by All
druggists. Trial: bottles free. Reg.
sizes so cents, 800
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1903-05-15
Too Many for Them.

When Bernard Shaw's play, Arms
and the Man," was produced in Lon.
don for the first time it was well re-
ceived and at the fall of the curtain
there were clamorous calls for the
author, to which Mr.. Shaw was at
length induced to respond. The au.
dience was still cheering, but there
was one dissentient in the gallery,
who "booing" with the full power Of
pair Of very strong lungs. Mr.. Shaw
looked up at the disturber and said.
very seriously: Eyes, sir, I quite agree
with you; but what can we two de-
against a whole houseful"
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1903-05-15
GOOD FOR CHILDREN.

The pleasant to take and harmless
One Minute Cough Cure gives i'm
mediate relief in all cases of Cough,
Group and LaGrippe because it does
not pass Immediately into the
stomach, but takes effect right at
the sea of the trouble. It draws out
the inflammation, heals and soothes
and cures permanently by enabling
the lungs to contribute pure life
giving and DEMONSTRATING oxygen
to the blood and tissues. F. M.
Hickman.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1903-05-15

ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS 4 BOX
is the value 81. A. Tisdale, Summer
ton, s. c., places on DeWitt's Witch
Hazel Salve. He says: II had the
piles for 20 years. Il tried many
doctors and medicines, but all failed
but DeWitt's Witch Hazel Salve
It cured me-" It is com bination
of the healing properties of Witch
Hazel with antiseptics and emolli-
ents; relieves and permanently cures
blind, bleeding, itching and protrud-
ing piles, sores, cuts. bruises, eczema
salt rheum and all skin diseases.
Sold by all druggists.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1903-05-15
Peeled Chickens,

A party of visitors to the country
were very much interested last sum.
mer by the remarks Of some children,
sent out by the fresh air fund for q
day in the country. There were quite
q number Of them playing about a
pretty farmhouse one day, when some
passer-by stopped and began to talk
to them. did you ever seen any
chickens before?" asked one lady, as
a flock of fowls came strutting down
the lawn. "Oh, yes" said one of the
eldest, wisely, with a knowing shake
Of his head, we've always seen EN-
lots-only generally it was after they
was peeled"
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1903-05-15
Stopped the Criticism.

Senator Nelson Of Minnesota 10 not
q Spanish scholar, and when he was
discussing the statehood bill he made
sad havoc of some of the names he
used. Senator Elkins, who speaks
and writes Spanish readily, enjoyed
the Minnesota mans performance
greatly. Maria Virgin" said Nelson.
pronouncing the name according to
English rules. 'Mahreeah Veehil,"
whispered Elkins 10 his next door
ne4ghbor. "Ucarillas' was given ordi-
nary pronunciation by the man from
the northwest, and Elkins said ''Hica-
reeahs" 60 that Nelson heard him. The
latter looked at the West Virginian for
. moment and then lunged ahead. But
the look was enough: there was no
moro audible criticism.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1903-05-15
A STARTLING TEST.

10 save a life, DR.. r. G. Merritt,
Of No. Mehoopany, Pa, made a
startling test resulting.in wonder
full cure. He writes, ''patient was
attacked with violent hemorrhages,
caused by ulceration::of the stomach.
1:had often found Electric Bitters
excellent for acute stomach and liver
troubles so I prescribed :them. The
patient gained from the first, and
has not had an attack in IA months. -
Electric Bitters are positively
guaranteed. for Dyspepsia, indiges-
ton, constipation and kidney
troubles. Try::them. Only soc at
all druggists.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1903-05-15
NEEDED The RIGHT MAN,

How Professor Qualified 4 Statement
He Had Made.
Prof. William G. Sumner of Yale,
Instructor In sociology, devoted q re-
cent lecture to woman's place In 30
ciety from the earliest periods to The
present day.
THE numerous occupations that are
open to woman nowadays in the bust
ness and industrial woflds," said Prof.
Sumner, has created on her part Q
comparative Indifference to matri-
mony."
Az the class made a note q this,
the professor added, wagging a warn
ing finger:
Mind you, gentlemen, I said conpr
parative, because never knew Of 90
yet that couldn't be induced to change
her min1 II the right man tried"
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1903-05-15
What 10 q "Jambiste"7

g. Washington Lobb, q Paris dan.
cling master, has recovered $3.50 from
NJ. Albert for lessons given in dan.
cling. The defendant said that he did
Lot receive any lessons, but attended
the dancing classes as q "jambiste. -
A "3ambiste" is young society man
who occupies his leisure hours by act.
ing as an auxiliary at school of dan.
cling, where he is always willing to
dance with any Of the women who are
In want Of partner. He furnishes his
services to the dancing school gratui.
tously, but sometimes the "jambiste"
meets with rich young heiress at the
school and marriage results.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1903-05-15
Clarence Darro<v's sareasm,

Clarence 01rrotw's Sarcasm.
Clarence s. barrow, the Chicago law.
yer, addressed q meeting in Philadel.
phia the other evening on "Tolstoi the
Man." He expounded his views on
socialism in epigrammatic style, as
may be gathered from these sen.
fences: 1T is vulgar for q rich man
TO work. II he did WORK people would
think he wasn't rich. There are very,
very fe1 Eich men in jail. Having
money. there are other places for them
to 60. Most prisons have chapels 30
a convict can be Christian for an
hour oDee week. am reconciled to
death, because am sure the rich will
not have their pick Of things in the
other world"
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1903-05-15
Senatorial Amenities

During the speech of Senator Nelson
Of Minnesota against the admission of
Oklahoma, New Mexico and Arizona
as states the senator said that so per
cent of the population of New Mexico
10 Spanish and Mexican. Delegate
Rodey Of New Mexico, who was list.
ening to the speech, scrubbed q note
and sent it to Nelson. It said: Dear
Senator: recently had occasion to
inquire into the matter and much to
my surprise l find that 81 per cent of
the population Of Minnesota is Nor
wegian. How on earth cid that state
get imp" ::
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1903-05-15
AMBITION soAa1o roo h,os,.;
osslss aes hteAsr See.oI bsomlnsao1
49,, cApaod Downfall.

Dsssss Sos Higher SSe.al bsomInsoes
49,. !capsod oevvnfaIL
Pitt Mas induced by Sir John Sin.
clair to constitute . board OF .aericul.
Scre toward the end OF the eighteenth
century, and make him the president.
Having enjoyed his ONCE for q few
years, Sinclair began to desire promo.
ton in the social SCALE "Dear Mr..
Pitt" he wrote TO the prime ministeE.
don't you think the president Of the
board Of agriculture should be >
Dear Str John sinc,sir," replied
Pitt Il entirely agree with you. have
therefore appointed Lord Somerville
to succeed you as president Of the
board Of agriculture" -
Sir John Sinclair went about wiring
ing his hands and exclaiming, Dear
me, dear met was such q willful
Observation-Disclosures Re-
view. ~
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1903-05-15

#MWg UICzzAX01Wx3 11zA1S10I1D'0-I w
BY A PERSISTENT COUGH,
BUT PERMANENTLY CURED
Air. BY CHAMBERLAIN'S
N COUGH REMEDY.

H. P. Burbage, student at law
in Greenville, 8. G. had been trou-
bled for four or five years with a
continuous cough which he says,
greatly alarmed me, causing me
to fear that I was in the first stage
Of consumption, Mr.. Burbage,
having sec Chamberlain's Cough
Remedy advertised, concluded to
.try it,, Now read what he says Of
it: II soon felt q remarkable
charge and..after using two bottles
Of the twenty-five cent ::size, was
permanently cured" Sold by All
druggists. . * ::.s;>..- .r,,- -: ?
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1903-05-15
THE STOMACH Is THE MAN.

I'LL 01SMACa ID xaG MAN..
"A weak stomach weakens the
man because it cannot transform
the food he eats into. nourishment.
Health and strength cannot be
restored; to any. sickman or weak
woman without first restoring
health and strength to the stomach.
A weak stomach cannot digest
enough food::to feed the tissues and
revive the tired and run down limbs
and grams Of the body. Kodol
Dyspepsia Cure cleanses, puriAes,
sweetens and strengthens the glands
and membranes Of th&! stomach, and
cures indigestion dyspepsia and all
stomach troubles. Sold by all
druggists.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1903-05-15
FUNERAL SERMONS FAR APARTi.
Twenty Years Elapsed Between Sup
posed and Real Death. M

posed and Real Death. .sG.t
Rev. T, e. Phillips Of Pennsylvania.
who is on visit here to his brother,
r. 8. Phillips OF this city, is the hero
Of strange adventure. He preached
two funeral sermons, at an interval Of
twenty years, over the body Of the
same man. ~.
On the first occasion Mr.. Phillips
had just finished his $ramrks at the
graveside when the supposed corpse
knocked on the cof{ln lid and asked to
be released from his prison. Twenty
years later Mr.. Phillips again stood BY
the grave Of the same man. This time
he preached second funeral sermon.
The corpse did not knock on the comm
lid; the CONN remained unopened. The
man stayed dead. - #s'>s =
A number at persons who heard the
drst sermon also heard the last. It
was . remarkable coincidence.-sterl.
Ing. I'LL, Correspondence Chicago Rec.
ord.Heri1d. a,'j,>.s.ss. =
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1903-05-15
QUICK ARREST.

J. A: Gulledge of Verbena, Ala,
was twice in the hospital from q
severe case of piles causing "A
tumors. After doctors had and all
the remedies failed, Bucklen's
Arnica Salve quickly arrested
further inflammation and cured him.
1t copquers aches and kills pain.
Csc at all druggists.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1903-05-15

@ < 'se!doo Al1IQ2
93no aues puB p1so STU peqdulsoQlll uos
200 I'M 1904 2xeu lgQ@ pelQ5Ilep os
sBA Iel4BI eqL 'puel1J g o. II pues
spue 'sGor s.uosBes eQ4 10 leoHoqmAs
sqoas4s e1a4r eYBm o. " u 'uosqod
Il o IA 1W o. pe11nooo II ttSI vi
'pIeo sew3slIuo 3sI!j suL
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1903-05-15

yous Vine Of Casdui ADD only needed to
take three bottles vhea vas folly ~
covered"
E.;lHEN Miss Rose Owens, who
W has . responsible position in
w the Governme emit service at
Washington, D. c., decided to
try Wine Of Cardui, she made > wise
choice. Over . million women have
been relieved of female weakness BY this
same Wine Of Cardui. It 10 not .
strong medicine but may be taken every
dav IN the yer BY any woman With
benefit. It does not force results, but
corrects arrangements Of TIE menstrual
organs. i aksqgthens tho NERVOUS
system, gives tone to the bodily func:
tions, ct. directly on the genital
organs, and is the finest tonic for wo-
men known to the science of medicine.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1903-05-15

e. 'mJpue1d eq o.
peas2s elv s1ses e1eqM 'oI@ue1@v Q2nos
/ eq4 NJ 'spus1s1 puelHlBd eq4 o. uolaue2
~ 1leQ2 5ulu1n4 ele Slopes usIpeusO
eq4 1904 slQ4 elnlleJ ueeq s1Q ess
3uIlQed eQl W HIeQsU lees eq4 sV
'spunoIo 6u!us!i NON Hees
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1903-05-15
WAKEFUL CHILDREN.

For long time the two year old
child of Mr.. P. L. Mcpherson, 50 N
Tenth St., Harrisburg, Pa, would
sleep but two or three hours in the
early part Of the night, which made
it very hard for the parents whole
night through. Two boxes of these
Tablets have effected a permanent
cure and she is now we'll and strong.
For sale by all Druggists.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1903-05-15

70. CURE: A COLD IN ONE DAY
Take Laxative Bromo Quinine
Tablets. All druggists refund the
money if it fails h cure. E. w.
Groves signature is on each box.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1903-05-15
Hint to Farmers.
crookston Times Says Stay By thu
Local Creamery.

The Crookston, MIMI, Times
sounds note Of warning to the
farmers of communities where local
creameries are being operated, which
is directly applicable to the present
dairy situation in the vicinity of
Pipeetone. It should be read and
carefully thought over by the
farmers who have been so greatly
benefited by the Pipestone creamery.
The Times says:
IAN attempt is being made by
some storage companies to run out
the creameries of the state, and it
looks very much as though the
scheme is carefully planned and
that it will be far reaching in it's
effects unless the farmers take a
tumble and refuse to be bitten. The
cold storage concerns offer within
two cents of New York quotations
for Western extras for butter fat de-
livered at any railway station in
the shape Of cream.
''They will pay the express charges
and make you rich in about two
weeks-more or less, The whole
scheme seems to us to be aimed at
the goose that laid the golden egg
the creamery. If these fellows
can get a sufficient number of
farmers to chip their cream to the
cold storage for month or 80 they
will succeed in closing up the cream
cries and then, where are youG The
dairyman will be at the mercy Of
the cold storage trust which will
dictate tho price Of both cream and
butter and the farmers will 20 back
to the hand churn and slavery. The
man that ships his cream to the cold
storage instead of selling it to his
owa creamery, drives a nail into
his own coffin every time he goes to
the depot. Stick to the creamery at
all hazards; it is your duty and
salvation. "-Pipestone Star.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1903-05-15
DEWITT'S WITCH HAZEL SALVE.

DEWITT'S WITCH HAZEL SALVE.
The only positive cure for blind,
bleeding, itching and protruding
piles, cuts burns, bruises, eczema
and all abrasions of the skin. De
Wits is the only Witch Hazel Salve
that is made from the pure, unadul-
terated witch hazel-all others are
counterfeit De Wits Witch Hazel
Salve is made to cure-oounterfeits
are made too sell. All Druggists.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1903-05-15
MISS ROSE OWENS,
I NJ. 7ao s.v.n,.enth ST.. WASHINGTON. D. G.

If you are . suffering wo-
man we would say to you
that Wine of Cardui seldom
fails to completely cure any
case Of female ills. We say
emphatically, It never fails
to benefit. Every day hum
dreds of sufferers are writing
to our Ladies Advisory De-
partments The letters are
opened By persons compe
tent to give advice. Mn.
Jonaa ma nmfed bv follow.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1903-05-15
DO you read the Advance?

Draying-Am prepared to do
draylng of every description. Prices
ana work guaranteed. j. E. Stone
sifer, phone 50. Off. ~:
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1903-05-15

ING tho advice which was freely gwen
her By the Ladies' Advisory Depart
ment. Miss Owens was cured without
advice BY just buying d 90 bottle ct
Wine Of Cardui from her druggist and
taking this great medicine in the pei-
vacy of her home. No doctors e1-
animation, treatment or advice il nec-
essazy. You have read what these two
cured women have written. IL this not
snough 70 lead yoa to determine to Be
rid d su6eringe
August IL, 1900, Mn. W. H. Jones,
q CsmsEup, No, writes:
II ssasoet tofliyat moothly pesiob
foe thsas yeaa. lUos6 soanettiines q for
seven months win no flow at IN. Nov
I have ny AealeA 3eek again ADD am
expsethe % Be eoofned Il Jaasasy. j.
|eaanol psahe yose medicine eooeagh."
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1903-05-15
8 &E&&v

The signature j. ~ c-erv ,,@ 8. E. The y.n,,,.
Laxative Br1'cc={' &c se,s..
h. somsdy ths. Guy =, -. -,
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1903-05-15

F'.N every SOLDERING woman
has the same experience with
u Vine Of Cardui that l had,
yosss medicine will Be most
popular. About 4 year ago
| besan to have . WON out
tired feeling with lassitude,
pains In tie back and head
which kept fncreasing every
month. lfelt that ! needed
something, bit to get the
sieht medicine was the tsou-
H. I finallv decided On
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1903-05-15

For live troubles and constipation
There's nothing better in creation
Than. Little Early Risers, the
famous little pills They always
effect cure and save doctor bills.
Little Early Risers are different
from all other pills. They do not
weaken the system but act as tonic
to the t1ssus by arousing the secre-
tions and restoring the liver to the
full performance of it functions
naturally. FIN. Hickman.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1903-05-15
The Hazards

~ l. AN l. A0ASAA SA0 -,
Of. business suggest the safe.
guard Of life insurance. You
may be very successful to day,
but statistics show that over
ninety per cent. Of business
men fail.
Life insurance can be always
converted into cash if you have
the right policy, and in case Of
death it provides at once, cash
funds for your business and
your family.
n A.sse Of The Msssa' Life Insurance. Company
:. -: i:ss fi . =: '|''' '' '''''<'
$352,838,971.67
En-: :ss i: e. 80 .:: 2!!!:! g 3
h>..,da 1.ue,.a..s." ~
100000 10000
vhieAis mere than any other life insurance ssopaay
~ 20 world has dshuised.
=E| Write for Where Shall I lnsu1ef"
THE MUTUAL LIFE INSURANCE
COMPANY OF New York
f$%*.$ RsesaARD A. MeCvnDY, Prssidsas.
ACHEDBER0, Local Agent
:. WORTHINGTON MINI