The Savannah morning news., 1903-11-29
THE GENIAL IDIOT
He Has Much to Say About the Modern Kid
BY JOHN KENDRICK BANGS.
Copyright, 1903, by John Russell Davidson.

"By thunder-look at the date, will
you?" said the idiot, pointing to the
headline of his morning paper. NOV.
20, when it seems only yesterday that
we sat I'D and watched the old year
die. Seems to me old Father Tempus
should be arrested for fighting beyond
the speed limit"
HE certainly flies fast" observed
Mr.. Pedagog, with a sigh. IT am get
ting on in years-past sixty now, and
somehow or other it doesn't seem as
If my days were more than four or five
hours long. III be hundred before 1
know it,"
''You have too good time. Mr.. Ped
agog," said the Idiot. That's what
makes your days seem short. You are
enjoying your otium cum dig in
scorching age"
do you call it ease to have to teach
children nowadays?" asked the School
master. 81 don't. Compared to how
things used to be, it's quite the re-
verse. Not only is the modern child
harder to handle than his father, but
somehow or other he seems instinc-
lively to know more. He's a great deal
harder to keep up with, and what with
that and the new methods of teaching
which must be learned, there's precious
little spare time for a school-master to
devote to his own pleasures"
"The modern kid is one of the most
interesting developments of the nine
teenth century," said the idiot. And
should think you would find daily
contact with him quite inspiring. I've
got bunch of nephews myself, and 1
think they're a ripping lot and each
of 'em in a different way. Bobbie is
five, Tommy is ten, and Jack is fif
teen, and ten minutes with any one
of 'em is a liberal education"
II hope they are not acquiring any
of their stores of knowledge from
their Uncle" said the Bib1iomanic. III
they are, I'm going to write to the
Society for the Protection of Cruelty
to Children. and denounce you"
'No-Im too selfish to share with
anybody the rich stores of learning
that 1 have acquired from years of
breakfasting with you gentlemen" re-
turned the Idiot. I'm a miser with
the information I've got at this board
I just hoard and hoard and hoard it.
When you tell me something 1 never
knew before, l wrap it up tenderly in
cotton and put 1t away in a trunk with
my ONACA II ouSA clo NY III St
sock, and my little blue kid shoe with
the white pearl buttons, and the lock
of hair my first love cut off one of her
switches for me when at the age of
1 tried to get her to desert her
grandchildren and run off and marry
me. Let your mind rest easy, Mr..
Bibliomaniac, on that score. 1 love
my nephews devotedly, but I'll see 'em
grow up in ignorance before I'll share
xrrffI - q 10, til -,
formation which you, from time to
time, lavish so generously upon me.
Some day shall use it for the benefit
of the public in a ten volume edition
of The Idiots Encyclopedia which
intend to have published among my
Posthumous Works.
II dare say, judging from the quail
ity of your DISCOURSE" observed Mr.
Brief, that on the contrary you have
gained all the information you possess
from them, Ell? Your facts have a jul
venile ring that suggests the idea, any
how"
That's it," said the idiot. Most of
the things 1 know thoroughly, they
have taught me. All my theories in
regard to the Panama and Nicaragua
canals, for instance, have got direct
from Tommy, the 10-year-old; my
views on the subject of literature are
at least traceable to Bobby who,
though only 5, takes pretty sane
view of modern literary conditions,
and as for the details of a complete
philosophy of living, that 15-year-old
Jack has got the whole thing at his
finger ends"
What nonsense" said the Biblio-
maniac. 1.-THE idea of a boy of 10 hav
ing views on the Panama-Nicaragua
business that are worth anything"
"Well Tommy has," said the Idiot.
HE was talking about it only the other
night. My brother and I were having
a discussion on the subject and it was
getting pretty hot. He was for Mic
aragua and 1 was for Panama"
That's like you" said the Lawyer.
what the Dickens has made you a
Panama advocates? Do you know any
thing about it?"
''Why / have a sort of notion that
if the Panama canal goes through the
people down there will be'rich enough
to buy their own hats, and so relieve
the United States of the necessity of
wearing EN-" said the Idiot. "On
aesthetic grounds 1 object to Panama
hats now that men have taken to shap-
ing them so that they look like invert-
ed coal-scuttles and sugar scoops. But
my brother and 1 were fighting mad
about it, and just as he was reaching
for lump of anthracite to throw at
me, as a final proof that Nicaragua
was the only route worth talking about,
and had grabbed the poker to poke
Panama down his throat, Tommy puts
in with, Jaw, dig 'em both, an come
to supper.
The Poet smiled broadly. THAT is