The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1903-12-01

What tale is this thou tellest?' de-
manded the King, as he laid down his
knife and fork. mo cash to buy fresh
string beans2 No pot to cook them in?
No fuel for the stove? BY the pipe of
the piper, but dare you insult me with
words as well as old beans?"
Rather would I perish than insult
thee, o Ruler" humbly replied the
cook Il didst but tell thee the truth.
Yesterday the sheriff levied on the
kitchen outfit for debt and removed
everything"
"s'death, the sheriff in my kitchen"
It's true, Sire. He came direct
from the stables, where he had levied
on horses and vehicles"
THE sheriff in my stables"
"Ah, o Rulerl he got in there from
the laundry, where he had gobbled onto
the royal wash. Should you wish
clean shirt for this Afternoon
"And he levied on my shirts and col
Iars!" gasped the King.
He had to- and he dared to, your
Highness. He got into the laundry
happy to state that he found only ten
empty claret bottles in the latter
place"
"s'death. and you gave no alarm. that
my guards might put him to death for
his violence?"
Your guards had left, Sire, after
helping themselves to what they could
lay hands on to make up their back
pay"
Then my Royal Treasurer
He was away trying to sell the
empty royal safe for a wood-box.'
Then my Prime Minister?'
He was out looking for a Job in the
street cleaning department, o Ruler"
Then thyself. thou villain?"
LAS for me, your Majesty. I was try
ing to sell the cook stove to make good
my arrears of salary"
'Then I am to understand that I am
cleaned ut-busted-gone up the
spout?'' asked his Majesty after a little
thought.
1T truly looketh that way, o Ruler
But I have my honor and dignity
left. AS to honor, you go down and tell
old Secundi, the money lender, that if
he don't send me up two bags of cash
before noon as a birthday present I will
have his head. And as for dignity,
stand up-so; and 1 wrap my kingly
mantle around me-thus; and I take
you by the neck and turn you about
and give you the toe of my boot this
way and command you to bring me a
glass Of buttermilk P. D. O., or take the
consequences"
THE KING AND THE MESSAGE
"Zoundsi S'deathi Caramba!" shout
ed the king one morning, as he tugged
at the bell rope in his cabinet to sum-
mon his Prime Minister; and when the
latter stood before him he was greeted
with:
Speed thee to make proclamation
GdllluS Out d men Tor war;"
May I humbly ask what is the mat
Ser?" inquired the P. NJ, as he calmly
filled his brier root and sat down for
smoke.
L have just received a message from
King Hassam, in which he calls me an
ass. Thinkest thou that 1 will submit
to such insolence? call out the army
and L will invade Hassams dominions
and give him a pain"
Yes. your Majesty, but we have no
army. We had to disband it because
we couldn't pay the soldiers"
"Then call for volunteers"
but we couldn't pay them either"
Then take guard and visit the
lenders Of money and compel them to
cough up
THAT won't work. o Ruler. Knowing
our little tricks, they no longer deal in
cash, but in due-bills and drafts at 30
days"
Then by the great horn spoon, but 1
will lead the royal guards in person."
shouted the king, as he threw his hat
at the chandelier.
Yes, you might do that" unused the
P. M, IF there were any royal guard
to lead, but there isn't
"Diablo! Do you tell me that I am
helpless?"
We'll. you can't go to war. It takes
the long green to do that, and we are
hard up just now. In fact, we had to
get trusted for the breakfast you had
this morning. That is, I took two or
three grocers by the neck and wrung
1t out of them"
Then I, King of Dubar, Ruler of this
mighty kingdom, and the Keeper of the
sun and Moon, must submit to being
called an ass, and make no move?'
Hast thou the message sent by Has
SAM" queried the P. NJ.
'Tis here"
And the messenger waits for your
answer?''
He is out there eating green apples
to stay his stomach
Then take thy pen and write on the
message the word. Ditto and send it
back"
But I know not its meaning. Does
Ditto mean war or peace"
1T means, Q Ruler. that thou art an
ass just as Hassan says"