Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1903-01-25


opoatst Would DO as Wei ~ i shall e1-9
pain the way We conceived the sparasol5
idea. Our. gas jet will persist In smoking.
the wall paper above. and our real estate
agent viii persist in refusing TO have:
the room cpapered. When we were not
abusing the landlord we spent all our
sime trying to remedy the defect But
there US no remedy-no consolation,
save rel. 9ed abuse OF the landlord.
Then one unhappy day the woman
Who Closes the Apertures In My SOCKS
went visiting and saw such paras0l as
i have described Its long handle had
been trimmed off, and 1t hung about two
inches from the ceiling right over the gas
let. The inch or so of handle which
fastens the beautiful pendant to the hook
is invisible, and the brightness OF the col.
ors, added to the natural attractiveness
of japanese art, produces what the Queen
Bee. in her boarding school French, cans
q ..bizarre effect" She simply gave ono
sweep of her eye at that parasol. That
settled It We had to have one. In other
words ] had to buy and pay for the
thing. Even to this hour don't regret
the II cents paid for the parasol-mohey
is nothing to me when once have spent
it-but there are other considerations
What gals me is to think OF the physt-
cal courage exhibited in hanging the
pafdSOl up dnO Tie ssei iaAA1i SSu - S>ANS
that poets and historians are giving me
for my intrepid heroism. This much.
however, is certain. / shall always have
more respect for Michael Angelo, the
man who frescoed the Vatican ceiling
since hung that parasol. AS ascended
the ladder the first thing that i realized
was my awful need of a few extra legs
In one hand I had hammer; IN the
other the parasol. In my mouth was the
hook. on which to hang the garish thing.
Both feet were used to cling on for life
i needed a prehensile tail as additional
security and also hooked beak like a
parrot, not to mention the spongy sub
stances used by flies in walking upside
down on walls, And worst of all was
the Job Of driving that hook Into the
ceiling while the Chief.
seemingly miles below. yelled up advice
and interspersed her comments with
caustic criticisms of men who can't
make themselves useful about house"
To add to my discomforture was in too
much danger to talk back at her, for the
fob of horizontalizing half my perpendt-
cular was fraught with more danger
than leading the charge at Gettysburg.
i felt that If could lie on my back 1t
would all come right, but unfortunately
step-la6ders are not built for such poses.
How l lived to tell. the tale. let alone
hanging the parasol. is mystery to
me- But our ingenuity has been reward
ed The ornament has been greatly adj
mired. and the Queen Bee proudly speaks
OF the thing as 1.-The japanese parasol l
hung during Christmas week." She
completely ignores my part Of the per-
Torrance.
AS the father of family. hereby
make affidavit that there's fortune TO
be made In stockings But don't misun-
derstand me. There are stockings and
stockings. just as there are different KINGS
of what-do-you-cail-'e ems that go in stock
ings. My observations are entirely con-
fined to Juvenile hosiery and the fortune
to which allusion is made will be CLEANED
by the genius who invents stockings that
can withstand the wrigglings of child. en-.
Up at our bouse-and It's the same Wher-
ever there are youngsters-we buy chill
dren's hose daily just as we buy sugar
and -four and lard and kerosene oil. But
the sun never sets on day when there
aren't holes to be darned-Sreat, gaping
holes in the knees. How they get there
is mystery TO me-a maseer, tlat is
gradually driving me to bankruptcy. In
vain have looked for corns on the knees
of our little squirmers. One would expect
to find these parts OF the Juvenile an
atomy as calloused as rams horn, yet
1nVeSugauOn reveals nausnt out art ana
grit ground in. Yet the same knees will
cut through the stoutest pair of hose in
twenty-four hours. The presiding genius
of our establishment declares It's running
her crazy, but the knees remorselessly
continue to cut through. Every known
device has been tried in vain. Time and
again our offspring. at early morn, have
been harnessed up with leather pads on
their centres of attrition. but such pre-
cautions are useless BY noon-tl1e hour
when biscuits have to be distributed