The semi-weekly messenger. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1897-1908, 1903-05-19

HAPPY FTNANCIER AND THE
DISCONTINUED RUDE.
Copyright. 1903. by Robert Howard
Russell.)
Once there was q Stock Exchange
Midas who had great gobs of the
Wherewith.
Day and Night he was bounded by
those who were looking for Hot Tips,
or who wanted to touch him up for
DenominationaI Colleges or who had
Good Things which they wished him TO
back with much Coin
At last, in order TO escape the wear
ing sound of the Ticker and get the
Hard Knots out of his Nervous System,
ne ducked away to the Country and
left word behind that ne had gone to
Europe.
He struck a Rest Cure where every
one dressed for Dinner and q full Or
chestra tore off Popular Music. He saw
the same MOurnful Faces Of the male
and female Plutocrats who were trying
to purchase Enjoyment at so much per
Day and they did not seem to have "a.
tranquilizing Effect on him. So he
wandered away from the Hotel and took
TO a quiet Country Lane and soon he
was in the Deep Woods.
The Silence was broken only by the
Rustic of Leaves, the tapping of the
WOOdpeckers and the occasional Stunt
of some Feathered Warbler.
'This is where Man really belongs"
sighed the track-sore Financier. What
an artificial and profitless Life We lead
there among the Sk~y-SCrapers. Our
Little Existence is rounded off with a
French Menu and a few Hammer-Lock
on Fame and when it comes to a CASH
In, nobody knows whose Funeral it is
and the Trolley Cars refuse to get out of
the Way"
While he was thus Maditating, he
came to a Clearing, in which there was
an humble Shack with a dinky Little
Garden behind it. In the Doorway of
the Modest Cot sat a Rube who wore
a heavy Fringe on the S~ub-MaXillary.
Above his Head bIoomed the symme-
trical Morning-Glory and the fresh
smell of the Greenwood was mingled
with the pleasing OdOr of the Store To-
bacco he was smoking, the while he
spelled out the Long Words in a News
paper.
There's Three-Sheet of Contentment
for you" said the weary Millionaire.
II wish / had his Snap. Nothing to do
except read about Crime and watch the
SQUIRRELS No one to call him up on
the Phone. No lying awake at Nights
wondering what Acknowledgement
Knox is going to do. When he's hum
cry, all he has to do IS put on the
Griddle, pull a few RadiShes and milk
the Cow. No getting rOped in at An
nual Dinners. No Struggle to butt into
the Headquarters of the Elite. How I
envy him"
So he approached the Man behind the
Whiskers and greeted him c~heerfully.
for he felt that he would fain know
the Secret of True Happiness.
You have a charming Joint here"
said the Financier. You seem to be
quite away from the hurry and turmoil
Of the World"
Yes. it is very Lonesome" was the
melancholy Reply. L shoul like to
live on the Main Pix but Land is too
high. As soon as l sell my Hogs, l
hope to have a Telephone installed.
Sometimes three or four Days will
elapse after an important Prize-Fight
ere l learn the Result. This failure to
keep in Touch with Events is very try
ing TO one who would be abreast of the
Times"
why should the Outside World cut
any Ice with YOU" demanded the Mil
~lionaire. Here you have a beautiful
Sylvan Retreat. The Birds carol in the
Trees. Nature is ever smiling. You are
far removed from the carking Cares,
the hard Throwdowns and the Dunko
Ma~nipulations of the Commercial
World. Are You not satisfed?"
How can / be when / read here in
the Weekly about a Newport Shindig
where they have $500 worth OF Ice
Cream? Why should rid Horseback
when you Folks have Autos costing
$1,000? l never get to see a good Show
and l haven't had my Picture taken for
6 years and sometimes l don't have any
body come IN to see me for Weeks a 4
Time"
why. you concatenated Chump, you
nave a two-acre Paradise here and you
don't know it," said the City Man. TIC
like to trade Places with YOU"
I'll trade with anybody" said tins
RUDE. I'm tired of his Dogs Life"
You're on" exclaimed the Financier,
This Is what III stake you 10. You Il
have j Spring Bed with / Mattresses
and q Canopy You can lie there or
the Huske and look at $4,000 worth OF
Paintings by the Old Masters In the
Morning 4 British Gentleman Of Arts
tocratic Appearance Will come and leaj
You 20 the Royal Porcelain. after hic
be will dress YOU. without your liftins
a Finger. You shall have Silk Under
wear and Z Monogram worked on each
Sock. At Breakfast you shall have Hot
House Grapes and everything else GU
If Season and Flowers on the Table
After Breakfast You may step into {
Carriage with Gold Trimmings. drawn
by two Prize Bays and ride to an Office
where the Chairs are padded eigh
inches deep and all the Hirelings jumI
at your slightest Command. For Lunch