The copper era., 1903-02-12
Mr. Dooley on the Modern Breakfast.

Mr. Henne-sy.
 Tt depends on who ye ar-re, said , Mr. Dooley. Tn we're case it's any
 thing to ate that ye're not Eoin' to
 have rr dinner or supper. But in tn case iv tn rest iv this imperryal ray public, 'tis tn, on'y amu-emen, hey
 have 'Tis most iv tn adYer;isin' in th' pa-apers. lis what yc sec on tn bill boards. 'Tis tn inspiration iv pothry an art. In wurrud, it's oats.
 Il wint over 10 have breakfast New Years mOruin' at Joyce'-. Tn air was
 sharp an though I'm not much given
 to reheclin' on vittles, regardin' thim more a. meedjum f'r what drink 1 take with thim than annythiug else. be tn time l got to the dure I was run min over in me mind a bill iv fare an kind iv wondhrin' whether 1 wud have ham an eggs or liver an' bacon, an hopin' I cud have both. Well, We st i down at th' table an tucked me nap | kin into me collar so that 1 wudden't ! have to chase it down in me shoe if = 1 an egg, an squared away.
 'Ar-re ye hungry says Joyce
 Not now, says 1. I've only been up two hours an don't think I cud ate more tain couple iv karosene lamps an bur-rd cage,' says 1. But I'm liable to be hungry in d few min- l wits, au', says T. perhaps 'twud be jus as well to lock up the small childher,' says where they'll be safe, says, 'thinkin' to start th' breakfast with a flow iv spirits, though tn rosy Gawd iv Day sildom finds me much bettbcr natured thin mustard plasther.
 Whats ye'er iay'ritc breakfast dish 9 says Joyce.
 My what?' says I.
 "Ye'er fav'rite breakfast dish 9 says he.
 'Whativer ye've got says I, not 10 be thrapped into givin, ne suffrage to annything he didn't have in tn house, Amy kind iv food 70 long as it's hot an hurried. Thank Hivin have a mind above vittles an don't know half tn time what I'm attn, says l.
 Bat l manc prepared food, says he.
 "'I like it fried, says 1, but l don't mind it broiled, roasted, 5tewed or fri cassed. In minyit or two I'll waive tn cookin' an ate it off tn hoof, says.
 " We'll says he, me favrite is f l., n advertisement: "Out iv tn house wint Lucky Joe; Cuff was the food that made him go." Mother prefers Al mostfood, q scientific preparation iv burlaps. l used to take Sawd Ust, 1 which found too rich, an later l had | q peeryod iv HungareOn, q chimically | pure dish made iv tn eXteery0r iv bath 1 towels. We all have our little tas tes | an enthusynsms in tn matther iv 1 breakfast foods, depindiu' on what pa- | papers we read au' what billboards 1, we've seen iv late. I believe Sunny 1 Jim cud jump higher on GuT thin on | Almostfood, but mother says she see d sign down on Halsted street that con- 1 vinces her she has tn mos stimy latin' 1 tuck in. AnnyhOw,' he says. | take | gr-reat pains to see that nawthin' is saryed f'r breakfast that aint well ad l vertised an guarantee pure firm tn | facthry an put up in blue or green , paper boxes,' he says.
 "'Wcn,' says l, give me tub iv Cuff l says, I'll close me eyes an 1 think iv an egg
 "'What dye suppose they give me, Hinnissy. Mush! Mueh, be Hivens!
 What kind iv mush is this?' says I, takin mouthful.
 1t ain't mush, says Joyce. .It's q kind iv scientific oatmeal says ho.
 " 'Science.' says l, has exthracted ! tn meal. Pass tn ink says I.
 What dye want ink f'r?' says he.
 "'Who iver heard iv atin' blottin' paper without ink?' says |.
 "'Ate it., says he.
 'G've me me hat, 1 says.
 Where ar-re ye goin'?' he says.
 I frgot me nose bag says. I ! cant ate this of q plate. Give it 10 | me an I'll harness me>ilf up in Cav wins buggy, have mesilf hitched to | post in front iv tn city hall. an injye | me breakfast, says. 'Ye have de- lightful home here, says l. Some day | I'm goin' to ask ye to take me up in tn kitchen an lave me fork down some | hay f'r tn childher. But now l mus lave ye SOW ye'er prepared oats, says. | An 1 wint out to Mulligan's resthrant an wrapped mesilf around buckwheat ! cakes an sausages till th' cook got | buckwheat cake makers paralysis.
 I don't know how people come to have this mad passion f'r oats. Whin was boy they was on'y ct be horses, an good horses rayfused thim. But somewau discovered that th' more ye did to oats, tn less they tasted, an that tn less annything tastes, tn bet ther food it is f'r tn race. So all over tn couuthry countless machines is at wurruk removin' tn flavor from ca \ an turnin' thim into breakfast foodt Breakfast food is all ye see in tn cars an on tn bill boards. h tn small cities it's tn principal spoort iv tn people. Where childher wanst looked l on tn boards 10 sec whin tn minsthrel was in |