davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1903-11-07
THE COLLEGE MANS "LAMBs."

A strapp1ng big fellow, with "rah
rah |" trousers and shirt sleeves roll
ed up to the elbows, walked into a
farmyard in Western Kansas and ap
piled for a position. The applicant
explained that he was a graduate of
big Eastern college, had played foot
ball, excelled in weight contests, was
a record sprinter, and, in short, a
man of extraordinary physical capa-
bilities.
The farmer had quite a herd of
sheep that was causing him no little
trouble to be herded properly, and he
called the college feller" out into
the pen about S O'Clock the next
morning and stated that he wanted
him to herd the sheep over to GER
tain place and then drive them slowly
back, so as to have them in the pens
by 7 o'clock that night. The new
herder started out in rather awkward
style, but the farmer, having so many
duties to look after, returned to the.
stable to hitch up.
Supper time came, and not a word
had been heard from the sheep. Fl
nally at 8 o'clock the farmer began
to be alarmed, and was getting ready
to go out on hunt, when he heard
some one come whistling through the
yard, and in walked the new hand,
all smiles and apparently not at all
tired by his days work.
"Kinder late. Hev eny trouble ?"
"None at all, hardly, thank you.
Got along very nicely. But those
three lambs did keep me busy, I will
admit. I"
LAMBS Col flip it Amt got
lamb in the hull bunch"
"Well, I guess you have, all right.
They are in the pen now"
The farmer, astounded, grabbed
the young fellow by the arm, and
they hurried to the pen. There,
chasing about among the sheep, the
farmer found three jackrabbits.
A MINISTER was one day walking
along road, and, to his astonish-
ment, he saw crowd of boys sitting
in front of ring with small dog in
the center. When he came up to
them he put the following question !:
"What are you doing to the dog ?"
One little boy said: Whoever tells
the biggest lie wins it." "Oh," said
the Minister, 81 am surprised at you
little boys, for when was like you
/ never told a lie." There was ST.
lence for a while, until one of the
boys shouted: "Hand him up the
dog !"
"HE HAS always prided himself on
his ability to size up woman's char
acter and disposition"
Eyes. he only made mistake
once"
when was that ~
''Just before he was married"
THE MoNKEY-"Say, Gi, have
you seen my brother Bill?"
The Giraffe saw him making
faces at the lion yesterday, but he
hoc,,it boa,, caa,1 cir1ce -
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1903-11-07

FRIEND-"Now that you have
made millions, what will you do?"
Old Bullion-"I shall retire and
amuse myself telling people what a
burden wealth is and how happy I
was when 1 was poor"
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1903-11-07

IN TALKING up the new town the
Billville agent said: can the best
of all is-railroad' comm our way,
an VIII have all sorts of improve
ments soon as we git an opportunity
to sue it fer damages l''
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1903-11-07
A VERY AccoMMoDAT1Na CONDUCTOR.

Just as an excursion train was ready
to start for Pratt, the conductor hav-
ing said call aboard" young man
came running to the train and breath
lessly inquired for Probate Judge John
McKennan, who was on the train.
The Judge came forward and asked
what was wanted, when the young
man said: "I have my girl up town
and want marriage license of you
and want you to marry u.s." Judge
McKennan asked him to wait until
he returned in the evening, when he
would relieve his wants, as the train
was ready to start and the bell ring
ing but the young man said it was
case wherein there could be no wait
ing and insisted that the Judge come
with him. The conductor was con-
suited in the matter and he very
promptly consented to hold the train
until the marriage could be perform
ed, and thus was the machinery of
the great Santa Fe system Temporal
rily blocked to accommodate young
Kansas farmer and his expectant
bride. The Judge, rugged out in his
base ball suit, accompanied the bridal
party to his Office, where the license
was issued and the ceremony per-
formed in regulation style, uniting
Ava Cyrus Moore and Lavina Will
burn, two worthy young people of
Sego, as man and wife, after which
the Judge made a run for the waiting
train, the bell jingled, the whistle
footed and the happy excursionists
sped on their way to Pratt.
THEY'RE SAYING you're just like
all the other members of the house, ;"
remarked the newly elected legisla-
tors close friend. "They say you
have your price.
That's a lie," declared the new
member.
81 thought So"
eyes. 1 haven't got it yet, but I
have hopes"
Odd JOHNNY entertain you nicely,
Uncle Abner, while was out?" ask
ed the niece the old man was visiting.
"He did very well," was the rather
constrained answer. "He spent most
of the time making me promise to let
him come to my funeral" "Dear
little fellow, he's so thoughtful"
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1903-11-07

SHOP WALKER-"She complains
that you didn't show her common
civility." Shopgirl-"I showed her
everything in my department, SIR
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1903-11-07
WHEN soUsA WAVES ms T1ME-sr1cK.

When Sousa waves his time-stick an his band
begins to play,
My heart it starts a-beatin' in a curious sort o.
way,
An my blood is all a-tingle an my feet they
won't keep still,
An find myself a-dreamin' of a farm house on
hill
Where used to dance with Hannah in the days
of long ago
To the music that was furnished by fiddle an
bow;
An quite forgit the fact that am kind o. old
an gray,
When Sousa waves his time stick an his band
begins to play.
sit here in the grand stand an listen to each
tune,
While fancy takes me back to one September
afternoon
When Hannah come to town with me to see the
big State Fair.
The world was bubblin' over with it's sunshine
everywhere.
We two was mighty happy as we wandered hand
in hand,
A-takin' in the sideshows an a-listenin to each
band.
An here I'm all alone agin, an dreamin' of that
day
AS Sousa waves his time-stick an his band be-
gins to play.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1903-11-07

Johnny can you tell me
why the little hand on my watch goes
faster than the big one?" Johnny
(after reflection y" Father, amt it
just like why I have to run when l
go for walk with your
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1903-11-07

"WELL, l think 1 made an impress
sion on her anyway" said the auto
mobile enthusiast, as he glanced back
at the fair young woman lying in
the road.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1903-11-07

"To WHICH do you attribute your
longevity?" asked the reporter.
my which," queried the Oldest
inhabitant.
"Your longevity" repeated the re-
porter.
"Never had it. As far as can re-
member 1 amt never had no sech
complaint -
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1903-11-07

THE COLONIES of the world have
one third of its population.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1903-11-07

FUDDY-"There would be fewer
unhappy marriages in the world if
men and women would try to find out
each others dispositions during court
ship instead of doing their best to de-
ceive one another"
Duddy-'Yes, 1 guess there would
be, as you say, fewer unhappy mar
riages in fact, there would be fewer
marriages of any kind, 1 guess. !"
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1903-11-07

THE MoNKEY-"Say, Gi, have
you seen my brother Bill?"
The Girafe-''I saw him making
faces at the lion yesterday, but he
hasn't been seen since"
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1903-11-07

"HE HAS always prided himself on
his ability to size up a woman's char
acter and disposition"
Eyes, he only made a mistake
once"
when was that ?"
'Just before he was married"
Williston graphic. (Williston, Williams County, N.D.) 1895-1919, 1903-03-05

B,wdon vies with Bismarck on re-
| forms. - ...au
Emerald is to have new school
building |s'
The 500 is digging a new well at
Hankir3on
Pale>mo is supplying mail for four
other postoff1ces.
The people of Hoople want the laws
better enforced.
M. c. Freerks of Wahpeton has To-
Gated in Fargo.
Lidgerwood is now in good shape
for fighting fires.
Hanaford elevator men are boosting
the price Of wheat.
The creamery industry caught the
people OF Sanborn.
Over $4,000 was loaned on land
out of Balfour last year.
A new coal find is reported at New
port, in Ward county.
Candidates for township Offices are
beginning to get busy.
A new lumber company has been
organized at Washburn.
Cow itch is said to have afflicted
some people near Cakes.
The advance guard Of the new SET
tiers has t"gun to arrive.
Safety Gil" fakirs are reported in
some sections of the state
The spoilers will get busy if the
measure offering a reward of $50 for
every blind pig spotted becomes law.
A gasoline launch will be put on
Des Laos lake at Kenmare, when the
boating becomes a triae better than
now.
A brickyard is a new enterprise at
Minot, or will be when the gentle An
ME kind of zephyrs begin to do bust
ness.
The dunning letter of the Devils
Lake physician to a dead man has
reached the prominence of a plate
story.
The people of the town of Steele
get their bread from Bismarck, but it
is not reported where they get their
beer.
County Commissioner Wilson Of
Griggs county resigned and J. B. Arm
strong was appointed for the unex-
pired term.
Some Grand Forkers wanted to file
on land in Northern Minnesota and
found they had failed to take out their
second papers.
The school for the deaf at Devils
Lake has sailed away 1000 pounds of
pork for the use of the pupils. All the
pork could see once.
A farmer near Balfour is reported
to have killed sick COW and sold the
beef in town, and all kinds of trouble
is brewing for the man.
M J. GUNNER, formerly of Mayvi1e,
has opened coal mine at Estavan,
Northwest Canada, and is sending
back samples to his friends.
A sled filled with groceries was
found near Minot. 1t was supposed to
have been abandoned by some farmer
on account of the extreme cold.
A groom at a Grand Forks hotel re-
fused to be blackmailed by chart
vari party, and the landlord set up the
cigars to get the bunch away.
There is some talk of organizing a
baseball league to include Valley City,
jamestown, Hope, Cooperstown, New
Rockford, Fessenden and Harvey.
Land Commissioner D. J. Laxdal
states that when all the state school
lands are sold North Dakota will have
I school fund of at least $25;0OO,0O0.
In addition to this, our state institu-
tions will have fund of $6,680,000.
Williston graphic. (Williston, Williams County, N.D.) 1895-1919, 1903-03-05
y - - % - - - - - - -
| NORTH DAKOTAI;
| STATE
q NEWS. !,

S11@
Incorporation is urged at Crazy.
WaterwOrks are wanted at Rugby.
Wimbledon is slated for a national
bank. ...
HatteR people are talking national
bank.
The 500 has paid it's taxes in Ward
county.
Dickinson may have another electric
light plant.
Neche's telephone system. is the au-
tomato kind.
The district court session at Minot
was busy one.
Ranchers near Minot have killed
thirty-five wolves.
The local telephone system at MIL
ner gives satisfaction.
Minot is said to be slated for anoth
er bank in the spring.
Settlers around Church's Ferry will
organize an association.
The -four mill at Milton is manufac-
turing breakfast food.
There seems to be a little fun at
Bismarck over an orchestra.
The smallpox patients at Hankinson
seem to be having good time.
There will be number of new resi-
dences erected at Mandan this spring.
Devils Lakers have had some en-
tertainments in the way Of ski jump
ing.
The people Of Minot fear the Sec
ond judicial district may not be d.
vided.
The people of New Rockford are
talking reform la McHenry since the
killing.
The Northern Pacific is said to be
planning a new water reservoir at
Mandan.
Sufficient stock has been subscribed
to make the La Moure creamery a
certainty.
Some cattlemen are of the opinion
that soft corn is no good as a fattener
for cattle.
Foster county farm lands have ad-
vanced rapidly in price during the last
three years.
McHenry seems to sympathiZe with
New Rockford over the recent shoot
ing in the latter city.
A telephone exchange will probably
be established at Sheldon by the
Northwestern people.
Harry Reed, formerly Of Fargo, is
| located on a ranch near Spokane,
where he is raising hogs.
The York postoffice has been re-
moved from it's old stand, where it
had been for fifteen years.
Three children at Richburg were
poisoned by eating candy and were
quite sick for several hours.
jamestown slot machines are said
to have that tired feeling as result
of recent municipal order.
Ward county blind piggers seem to
have been the center Of attraction at
the recent Minot term of court.
1t is now reported that the Cassel-
ton-DicEed extension of the Northern
Pacific may be run into La NoIre.
A party of Northern Pacific survey
ors are working out of Jamestown,
and as usual are doing no talking.
The liberal case at Wahpeton at
tracted lot of attention from the
! political side issues connected with it..
Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1903-01-14
Putting Up a Boys Lunch.

A recent writer-and she writes rs
one whom any boy would love-tells
how she saw mother put up lunch
for her boy to take to school, and then
she tells very prettily how daintily she
would have put up that lunch, and
know she would do just as she said.
But she didn't go far enough. Now, il
l We're going to put up lunch for
boy Is years old, wouldn't take lit
tie tin pail nor yet a neat little covered
basket; l would just take the market
basket, IL the family wasn't going to
use 1t that day, and would cut up
loaf of bread, and trim off every bit of
crust to keep the boy from lying about
it, and telling me that lie ate it and
came home. l would cut that loaf into
slices and spread on the butter until
it began to fall off. then would stack
OH the sugar as long as 1t would hold.
Then l would load in n couple of links
of sausage and some slabs of ham, n
half dozen-all the cake there was in
the house. and fill up the rest of the
space with pie, and then stuff two of
his pockets full of apples to eat during
school hours, and fill the rest of his
pockets with nuts. and give him 3
cents to buy 'taffy." Then If that boy
came home at 4 O'Clock and said he
didn't have enough luncheon and
couldn't he have piece, l would give
him the keys to the cellar, cupboard
pantry, cake chest, and fruit closet,
and, yielding TO dark despair, go out
to the barn and hang myself. We
We're n boy myself, once.-Burdette.
Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1903-01-14
The NIiddlen,nn.

\ few years ago there was n strong
demand for the elimination of the mid
dleman in the traffic between the farm
er and the consumer, yet we have found
but few farmers who were ever willing
10 go from house to house to sell the
products of their farms, with the pos.
sible exception of the milk producers
near some large towns, where they can
establish Il regular daily trade, and per-
haps add such staple articles as butter
and eggs thereto, or perhaps take Or
ders for poultry, vegetables Or fruits to
be delivered at later trip. Most OF
them prefer to sell to the grocers and
marketmen at lower prices. The time
required in n llouse-to-house canvass
can only be warranted by obtaining full
retail prices, while the fact that one
needs complete assortment at almost
every trip, or he will find that Mt most
places they call for what he has not and
do not want what he has, is a discour-
aging ure.-Massachusetts Plough
man
Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1903-01-14
Free Trade Almanac.

The 1908 almanac of the American
Free Trade League contains much eX-
cellent material on the tariff question.
1t should be in the hands Of all good
Democrats. The Secretary of the
League, Gen. Hazard Stevens, thus ac-
curately and truthfully characterizes
our so-called system Of protection
mo longer needed as defense
against the foreigner, protection has
now become the thumb screw of eXtor-
ton upon the American people. 1t is
the dam holding back foreign compete
ton, and behind which the great trusts
levy high prices upon their countrymen,
upon the same class of goods which
they are exporting in great quantities
and selling abroad at 20 to 80 per cent
less than ut home. Hence their stubborn
resistance to any reduction of duties
which protect them in their monopolies
and eXtortions.
This whole doctrine of protection is
Il blunder that rises to the level of IL
crime. lnculcated by selfish and cor
rupt interests until 1t has become n
party fetch, protection has ut last
reached its acme, done its perfect work,
by demonstrating that it is a system of
monopoly and cXtortion. 1t fosters
greed, begets fear of the foreigner, and
paralyzes self-reliance. 1t is the cham.
pion of special privileges, the offspring
of injustice and inequality, the corrup-
tor of legislation and politics. Every
true interest of America cries aloud
for its overthrow"
Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1903-01-14
MEN WHO REMEMBER YOU.
They Are Hotel Clerks, Bank Cashiers
and Deposit Vault Custoiian..

and Deposit Vault Custodian.
Hotel clerks have way of recognize
ing guests as soon as they sign the reg
lister. 1t is suspected that it is largely
bluff. AS matter of fact, though,
most successful hotelkeepers seem to
have an extraordinary power of re-
Numbering the faces of their guests
ana all about them.
Bank cashiers. are supposed TO carry
in their memories the faces and sigma
lures of most of the customers OF the
bank.
Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1903-01-14

C. NJ DEPEw a few of rich who have sue
in life they exceptional their are
very marked and remarked.
By being born poor do not mean extreme poverty.
Granted that with the advantages the public schools the
boys parents give him rstclass education and then
he has to make his the of necessity Will
every faculty which helps make success. With
moderate ambition and his spheres OF
activity enlarge he acquires of power He learns
the value of temperance and character He knows by ex-
perience that health and industry accomplish almost
anything and carry its almost anywhere AS he
in position, wealth and influence he is the more
thankful every day for the condition which compelled him
TO do his mightiest drop out of sight
The majority of those who start under the condi-
lions that mentioned live long and prosper From
their number those who the world and govern
it. who its in business enterprises its leaders
the professions its and rulers, Its men of
thought and action.
Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1903-01-14

none but student in ocular science
would be able to detect offhand the
few whom we do meet A left-handed
person advertises his popularity at
once; but not so the lcft-eycd man.
AS rule 1t takes an oculist to deter.
mine which eyes has been used most.
but there are certain peculiarities of
the pupil and lid that may be taken as
pretty sure signs by the Trained OBJ.
server.
"Left-eyed people are made, not
born. Most Of US have been blessed
by nature with eyes of equal visual
power, but the attitude we strike read
ing or writing causes us to exercise
one eye more than the other, and the
first thing we know we are right or
left eyed. This is n one sidedness that
should always be taken into consider
alton when buying glasses. A right
eyed man with left-eyed spectacles, or
vice versa, is at n decided disadvant-
age, and 1t is the opticians business
to see that he is properly titted.'-New
York Times.
Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1903-01-14
recognized the Cuban insurgents. A
mob of several thousand persons gath

recognized the Cuban insurgents. A
mob of several thousand persons gath
cred in front of the United States con-
sulate in Barcelona, and with shouts
and excavations demanded the destruc-
ton of the building and the death of
the occupants. Consul General Bow
en- appeared at the entrance and defied
the mob. which dispersed in short
time without harming anyone, and do.
Ing little damage to the edifice. Mr.
Bowen was the last representative of
the United States to leave Spain at the
time of the actual outbreak of HOSTILE
ties. After the close of the Spanish
American war he was preparing to re-
turn to his post at Barcelona when
made Minister to Persia.
Minister Bowen was born in Brook
Ign in 1856 and is distinguished as a
literary man of excellence and a poet
Of considerable power. He is six feet
and three inches in height, of athletic
build and great personal prowess. He
speaks French, Spanish, German and
Italian tiuently and Is thus well
equipped for his present post.
Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1903-01-14
Cost of Growing Wheat

A writer in the Detroit Journal says:
II see in some Eastern papers where
it is figured that it costs 50 per acre
to grow an acre of wheat. have kept
an account number of years and the
following is about an average cost Of
growing an acre of wheat: Interest ON
the land, $1.20; taxes. 10 cents; plow-
ing, SO cents; narrowing, 20 cents;
drilling, % cents; harvesting, 81, and
seed, 80 cents. There are seasons when
it will cost trifle more than this and
in some years the work can be done for
less. The cost per bushel will depend
on the yield, which is largely controlled
by the amount of work done in the
preparation Of the soil"
Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1903-01-14
Circums,antinl EyIdcnce.

1t Is rule, to which good lawyers
usually adhere, never to tell more than
one knows. A newspaper tells funny
story of a lawyer who carried the rule
10 the extreme.
One of the agents In Midland Re-
vision Court in England objected 10
a person whose name was on the req
ister, on the ground that lie was dead.
The revising barrister declined to ac-
cept the assurance, however, and de-
manded conclusive testimony on the
point.
The agent of the other side rose and
gave corroborative evidence MS to the
decease of the gentleman In question.
But, sir. how do you know the
mans dead?" demanded the barris-
ter.
WELL was the reply, 81 don't know.
It's very difficult to prove"
"As l suspected" returned the bar
rister. you don't know whether he's
dead or not.''
The barrister glanced triumphantly
round the court. but his expression
gradually underwent n change as the
witness coolly continued:
Il was saying, sir, that l don't know
whether he is dead or not, but l do
know this: They buried him about a
month ago on suspicion"
Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1903-01-14

I PAPERS s efriE RESlPI

activity does nothing than many of them from
marrying for home it has redeemng influence. If all
women had much to sacrifice interrupt by marriage it
would IN large measure, protect from beAe Nsen
as a kind of bargain sale endowment policy.
Inefe is no danger that any career nmbtez Will
tempt woman to refuse the home call If she is normal
woman and If she is not society is the gamer and the man
interested fortunate because of her refusal Where no In
cehVe draws toward marriage except those Inherent IN
nature ana the human SOUL there will be few insists
There Will never be ideal marriages until women and
men as WELL feel certain that work is assured for short
hours at any time it is desired all the time, at gener
Gus wage. Then the question of home and children Will
become the DISTINGUISHED personal question 1t should be-
and never vtated by sordd motives painful hopeless
bondage.