davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1903-08-02
rhe peacon,s ,Possum Dreams.

The Deacon's Postum Dreams.
Dey warn't do 'possum eater lax de dea-
con in de town.
Dc 'possums seen him comm en- dey went
ter stirrin 'roun'!
kaae he'd ketched EN- by de dozen, en-
de'd eat em by de poun',
All time a-shoutin' "Hallelujah!"
He ler de folks de turkey en- de brown en-
juicy duck.
En- all de yuther eatn' dey could pile up
on do truck,
Eli he headed fer de possum.' wild a
=, rabbit-foot fer luck,
All time a-shoutin "Hallelujah!"
Now, II change, one night, de deacon,
:, wen no yuther folks WIZ nigh,
had a private 'possum banquet. en- dcs-
r., eyaryed EN- !, low en- high
En-, o, how he hollered "Hallelujah'
En- he rlg up fun dat table, mighty full
En- den he crawled ter kiver, en- des
snored ter wake de dead!
Eh de ghosts or all de possnms tuck
dey station on de bed,
En- ali went ter screechn' "Haleujah!"
De room wuz full er 'possums, dat no
lio would see uc HID
Fun de oles ter de younges'--fum de fat
ones ter de slim;
Eli dey danced eroun' de deacon, en- played
leaptrog over him,
All time a-screechin' HHal,slujah!"
He rlz up, ,des-a- shakin--lak de devil had
him sho'l
He hoicred; ''Lawd have mussy,' en- he
headed rfer de do!
Ent ne had ter step on 'possums eft he
En- no dine ter holier "Hanelujah!"
Dey ropped pom top his shoulders
), smashed de crockry ON de shelf,
I'm pelteG Kim wid pliers, 'twel dey warn't
reGder lef'i
I'm snatehed him so bal'headed dat he
didn't know, hisse'f,
All Tine a-screecAin' ''Hallelujah!"
Den he made a big mtrat!on--fer 'twuz
w. Oar he couldn't stay
Went crawin' up de chimhly en- got fast
~. eHed half dc way!
I'm dc possums famed de fire, en- dey
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1903-08-02
on the shoulder aroused him from hi.

on the shoulder aroused him from hlo
rcveries.
He quickly looked around. And. loi he
beheld the Commander-in-C Chief. The
good woman had been out to buy tho
children some pop-crackers. She had
come upon Pa quite unexpectedly. and
when she sternly said why, what in the
rame Of goodness are you doing before
this dry goods store?" the old gentleman
momentarily lost his speech 1t Is even
said that he blushed. But his equanimity
was soon restored. Jerking his horny
thumb around in the direction OF the
hosiery, he gave n grunt and remarked
Seems to me ali this store needs to
complete It's equipment is a seaslde 70.
sort"
The COMMUNICATIVE Chief merely turned
up her nose in scorn and led Pa homo.
There's no foolishness about that woman.
1t would take hours to tell how we
bluffed Pa off from going down to advise
tho Governor, and how we persuaded him
not to make a speech to his friends. the
street car men. We had to feed him con.
tinually. Food, by the way is the only
thing which takes precedence over tho
old gentleman's love OF politics and pub
lie affairs.
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1903-08-02
W. TOWNSEND Copyrighted, 1908, by r. H. RusseN)

de dogs as fast as 1t can find Kennels to
hold itself. Strangers in New York is dc
only ones dat gets any good out of de
city All dat most New Workers gets out
of de city is DER trunks
"But we should stop in New York,
says Whiskers, getting mad on.
1--WE would stop in de city and browse
If we had de run of de pasture, but We
refuses to be stalled says Mr.. Paul
Nonsense says Whiskers. eve has
underground rapid transit almost ready"
"Chames," says Mr.. Paul. toning to me-
you has been seing de city-how is
rapid transit going on?"
Its getting on so swift" I says, "dat
If dey don't take wrap in de reins. and
pull up a bit, says, "dere is babes alive
at dis very minutes dat will live to see
day light" says. "and some of EN- may
take ride on de loop" I says.
Whats dat about loop?" he says II
was talking about rapid transit
Dey Is bote ringers for each odder,'
] says Main lines, trunk lines, side
lines, double tracks. terminals--de whole
bunch is loops when dey comes out OF
de slot machine. When de front Of some
Dody's house slips into de rapid transit
hole-in de ground de Rapid Transit Board
calls de Rapid Transit Mayor and all de
odder wise mugs dat has Rapid Transit
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1903-08-02

do now: telephone to WHEY to meet EN-
half way: and dey can dine near Long
Acre Square and call 1t n draw. De loops
Is coming for fair, but de uptown tun-
Hnels, when dey is finished Is to be cut
up into sections, and rented out for hotel
wine cellars, and ratskillers."
We'll Chances says Whiskers, after
he'd taut while. You don't draw a:
hopeful picture"
Excuse me- SIR says. "if It's only
hopeful pictures you're looking for I'll
fetch you dope book on RAPID Transit
called Report OF Progress. Tree sure win-
ners wired every day Amt in It along
side!'
After ALL" says Mr. Paul 81 suppose
dere isn't no longer any use for rapid
transit out TO Harlem. Years ago. when
desc tunnels was foist started. folks still
had to hike out to Harlem to sleep. at
least. Dat was before we decided to
build twenty-story hotels on every corner,
wit few chucked In between for good
measure.
wit all Of de middle Of de city covered
Wit hotels dere Is no more need for
Harlem. dan dere Is for public CLOCK IN
de Tenderoln, where every man nus
watch and no woman cares what time
1t is -.
he only says woids, not sense.
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1903-08-02

wise in quitting Hanover before Pa hap
pened along. Had the two been contempo-
| raries all the bottom would have dropped
cut Of American history. for Patrick, l
understand. had just enough Irish In him
to be nonstrolis bull-headed himself.
And so. since the Revolutionary levia-
thans stole a march on the old gentle
man, he has been compelled to lambast
the unfortunate crowd which has followed
since the days of Andrew jackson. Had
the Confederate Cabinet and the South.
crn Congress taken Pas advice there
would have been no Lost Cause"-least-
wise, Pa SAYS there wouldn't. and the
folks in Hanover daresn't take Issue with
him. We would also. II what he says be
true, still be owning assorted punches Of
niggers and tarring and fea thering all the
Yankees that irritated us.
One might have thought that by the
time the Spanish-American war came on.
Pa would have learnt to recognize The
fact that some of the rest of lis had
few microscopic grains Of gumption,
too. but not so. The venerable Cincin-
natus was at this crisis again ready to
leave his plow--in fact, Pa is always
ready to leave his plow-and open up tho
sluices of his advice. 1t took the COM
bined Juggling of the family to keep the
old gentleman from darling off to Wash
ington and telling Mckinley now the
Spaniards could be whipped And when
the rascals were ultimately walloped. Pa
didn't like the way it was done. He per-
petually harped on the fact that "a
passed. of Johnny Rebs could have beat
the socks off them dagos quicker than
n hound dog can swallow pone OF
corn bread
After the war, when the white-wnged
angel of peace had had the effrontery
to settle over the country. without first
consulting Pa as to the advisability OF
such move, we all thought that the
bucolc statesman of our family would
settle down into quiescence on the pile
of barb wire at the country store and
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1903-08-02

Proba bly, there isn't a man In Hanover
county. barring, of course, the deaf ones,
who hasn't heard Pa Illuminating against
the recent conditions in Richmond which
were brought about by the trolley car
strike Not that Pa Is down on the work.
ing man Quite the contrary. Although
he never hit a lick of real work In his
life he has for sixty years been grumb-
Nng about the way the laboring classes
are treated. Added to this, he has born
antpathy for Richmond. which he has
ever regarded as huge leech that peren-
nially sucks tho blood of the Common
wealth. Now these idiosyncrasies. added
10 the fact that the state has spent some
$4,000 or more in having the military here,
have worked the old gentleman up into
4 sweat which makes him absolutely
nutty
I would rather set down on chinqua-
pin burr than to attempt to suuelch Pa
when he gets on this tack. He simply
won't brook opposition. One might as
soon seek to wheedle buzz saw by fond
caresses as to undertake to prove to him
that he is wrong. Argument of any sort,
II in opposition to his views. brings an
apoplectic flush suggestive OF a boiled
Holsters complexion to his bewhiskered
face, and makes his goose-blue eyes
throw off sparks like a blacksmlths an
Sii.
Ever since Pa was born he has known
more about running the government than
any man alive-that is, In his own opin-
~ ~. H..
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1903-08-02

hlblted in a startllngly realistic way. In
short the proprietor OF the place had
procured a lot of plaster of Paris limbs,
life-size, and over these the hose were
stretched Just as I suppose they are when
put to actual use. The display really
looked as II the store keeper had sawed
off all the lower half of ballet troop
and put It into his window. You can go
to tho store and see for yourself II YOU
don't believe me.
IT was but natural I think that PA
should take a second look at this store.
Certainly. the window was decidedly sug-
gcstive Of hospital and extensive am
putations. The old gentleman at first was
dumfounded. Every way he turned he
saw gaiy stoclsinged limbs. Gee Will
lkins," exclaimed the sage OF the sashes
when his eyes began to drink In the vision
before him. this Is the i'lp-snortingest
outlay ever see: looks to me like most
everybody in Richmond has lost a leg
in the row."
Then he squinted closer. All of a sud
den his features relaxed. His Jaw dropped
too. Then there came a sly, sly twinkle
in his eye. and an expansive smile broke
its way through the broom straw on his
face, and gradually extended the aperture
OF the cavern from ear to ear. a second
later Pa was convuscd with mlrth and
a-laughing 1T to kill himself.
"Well subj said he to his jocund self.
this does beat bob-tail! Pears kinder
like the wommen folks are having big
hand in the row-or rather foot in It..
I never seen so many pegs afore in my
life. The critters down here must be like
centipcdes. And all of EN- seem to have
been amputated in the came way.
The more the old gentleman looked. the
more amazed he gothic more befucdled
I l. .rAn IN
that that grin never left his face. He
stood there and mooned away before that
window for half an hour, and probably
would be there yet had not sudden tap
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1903-08-02
The World 0fLabor:

New England street railway men are
being organized.
OF 1900 locomotives in use in japan 5o(
are American made.
Oakland (Cal.) electrical workers won
their strike for 81 day.
Tho Order OF Railway Conductors of
America will meet at Portland, Ore, In
1905.
The Legislature of Montana has pass,
ed a law requiring the union labol on all
!, ~, car men at New Orleans. La.
have been granted minimum wage of 81
a day.
Garment workers will hold their nation
al convention in Indianapolis, Ind, be-
ginning August 10th.
San Francisco. Cal. union pie bakers pke,
have secured reduction In working hours
lIu,A o. TO % week.
New York's Musical Mutual Protective
Union has allied itself'with the American
Federation OF Labor,
The free employment bureaus or chi
cago are to be abandoned as the result
of 4 recent court decision.
About 1900 operatives were involved ~
has cost In. wages about s.: 100000,
Chicago Typographical Union IL. Will
purchase ground and build a home of It's
own in the business district OF the , city.
Gompers to the Western Federation OF
Miners. asking them to reaftiliate With
l..E -. L.,
6crors' National Protective Union now
has membership of 1000. an increase OF
more than 100 per cent. during the past
year
The conference between the Brother
hood and Amalgamated Carpenters ma
tiona organizations vii! be he'd at New
York, July 9th,
There are probably 1000 women in in z, the
Ing as insurance solicitors. The Idea
Is becoming Very popular. ~, ,,ro
II is estimated that nearly all the pine
timber now growing in Minnesota (about
within the next fifteen years. c,,
The National Building Trades Council
has adopted q label for placing on pG irso
label is in the form Of q bronze plate,
Salem, Mass, has 1000 emapiIeo,yee oi At
wages of ssooo10, making $4,000 IN
s sh9es o year Loo worsm1nen6 o a. If Ts1i o.
VIII inaugurate a vigorous WARFARE
against the products of Eastern sWea,.
shops tenement house and CE'Nese-'Haoe
The Canada Atlantic Railway, tra mko
mems strike has been called OH, tne =
men struck on April 9Th, Tor an ~ 80 "a,
of five cents a day. and have lost sao'Vo'
Springfield. o, street railway men ,sa d re-
ceived recent increases in wages. tne 9 !y
men from IS 3-S 10 25 cents an h OUT >, IN, er
night men from II TO IS s-s. extra if''i
from IS TO II and II. =, -,
Twenty factories Of utica. n. T., rep,
resen,lns various Industries a. are Sor MaS Thse
bitter war against union "a D ~ man
employers Will not now enSase a'S $500
belonging to a union. ,,,o /, u
The Executive Committee OF the =, =.
OF L. has recommended that SIN mhaS -
pc thoroughly organized ahu marica n
a distinct branch Of .the te@''4o t''Noa
try
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1903-08-02
By EDWARD w.

won't stand for 1t. Deyd RAIDER stand up.
Anyway what's de use getting under
ground tn You has a long call! Tunnels
is all right to get to Lonelyville In time to
NOW de grass before de sun goes down,
but for folks what isn't farmers-nit!
II you listen TO some folks deIe isn't
many New Workers left. and dey Is c'las,,,
ing deirselves under de No children
rule
+ wonder dat President Teddy didn't
knock New York flats when he was swing
ing his hammer about dere not doing
enough gold-spoon Riddles growing up to
make Republican voters in de sweet sum
mer time OATS to come? 1t isn't because
a mug has been to school to Harvard
dat he doesn't raise Riddles; It's because
de flats has put de dead line on kids.
Light airy dog kennels on de roof, wit
all de comforts of home for poodles. Chill
dren not allowed, us de way de swell
bat passes out de law desc days. OATS
what's putting de cradle makers out OF
business. l taut 1t was because de kid
dies distobed dc janitors' afternoon maps,
but Duchess tips me straight OATS It's
because Riddles pulls de ears Of poodles.
dat de Riddles is kept in Heaven, instead
of in Harlem.
hears Whiskers and Mr.. Paul talk
ing about it de odder day. and. say, hon
est, says to mescf dcre's so few OF us
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1903-08-02

jumped to ono side just as the lion made
a dash at him. got holt OF my double
barrel. an while they kept up er lively
cfetur a shot under his right ear that
brought him down.
That was er pretty good moonlight
shot" was all Teddy said, an knowed
by that that he was sorry he had not
aone the killing; SO told him If l,t would
keep his eyes open he would get or
chance a the match to the dead ono. as
they generally follered their mate,
rolled UP In my blanket thea, an left
him to look after his own game.
] had slept cr couple more h1Grs, when
] heard Teddy whisper: Jim hero abe
comes'--I guess he was feeling kinder
lonesome and wanted company Il Sc; up
an we watched her smelling around for
her mate. AS soon as she gyt to the flap
TO the tent, that We had left open SO We
could see her when she come. what
should Teddy do hut blaze away | seen
he was aiming too high, an fired, too,
shooting her square between the eyes,
She dropped, sir, just like Ell log rolling
down hill The President thought his
ball hit her, an | didn't like 10 hurt his
feelings. SO ] told him his shot was bet
ter than mine, an / was called or gooi
| shot. That boosted him up so, he didn't
sleep no more that night, an lever lei
me get er nap
That's pretty good tale, JIM" said
Shorty King, but the President didn't
| figure much; You take all the glory TO
| Yourself Wall he thought he done
II all, was the answer of assurance from
jim.
| Fifty men within a radius OF as many
miles claim 10 have acted as guide to
! Roosevelt, and forty-nine led Elm INTO
| me lair Of the now almost extinct noun
tain non-and, OF course, bagged the
game,
! After few minutes silence tie yII.
max came with Lanky Bill, who lazj,y
! lounged forward, and throwing himself
! into the charmed circle. in drawing
voice addressed the group Come off:
| jim amt told you boys or scratch TO
! what happened To me. | had the Prcsi.
! dent err few days myself an II he can't
shoot er lion in the eyes, he can dance
before er RATHER lively enough"
! Teddy was looking for guide through
Stony Pass, am knowing Il was time
for rattiers 10 be gathering in buAcfe3.
! ] offered my services. Fasteners Is in
4 er tight place when they get IN "a nest
! er singing rattlers.
The President seemed mighty slad to
see er portly 90 Teller like lne. "Ies,
your match-l!ke proportions would M
spire confidence IN the most ineXpe-
Ir!enced, BIZ Interrupted Big Sandy.
GO on, Bill" broke in Andy Sandy
amt GOT The fat OF Chicago pork off II,
scafcass yet; his word don't count Tor
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1903-08-02

When Roosevelt was serving as Vice
President under Mckinley he toured the
West in true cowboy fashion. He joined
ether sportsmen in hunting mountain lion.
and dangled tempting bait-the hook of
expectancy-in tho crystal streams which
abound in the Rockies.
The hardy ranchmen opened their doors
TO him and offered to act as guide in
these expeditions. Cattle-aaisers to-day
tell visitors gathered around the cabin
to fish and hunt, and got a Jolly good
shake" OF the hand in exchange for the
service,
In these gatherings an assertion like
this is the preliminary to a general de-
parture from the truth, Each in turn
tells CT thrilling encounter with beast
and RATHER until the climax Is reached:
the biggest fabricator Is acknowledged
king, the GROWING triumph OF ranch life,
The writer sat in the shop of a Col
oyado ranch, a combination tool house
and harness shop, and listened to round
OF stories Being a "tenderfoot" the va
rIous accounts Of courageous deeds on
the part of those who served as guide %
Uncle Sans representative were swal-
lowed TO the satisfaction OF the crowd
A six.foot cattle brander. who had re-
NAMED silent while others retaied Won
derful Incidents, got up and. stretching
out his arms in long yawn, addressed
the group: Wall, boys, me an the Pres
tdent got one beast that fought tooth
and nail, We had been on or hunt for
TWO days an had got smell of a pesky
mountain lion about shutdown the second
day said thought we had better
pitch tent for the night, for ] WAS feel
ing 1t In my bones that er hon was
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1903-08-02

"Cheems," says Duchess to me de odder
day, as we were strolling up de Avenoo
to give de lads on de boxes Of de car
riages. and de maids on do front seats, a
chance to pipe de surt 1t in style,
"Cheems," says she to me- as tipped
wink to a fren on box and smiled ut a
loidys maid. out of de corner of me mout
dat was on do off side from Duchess.
'Cheems," she says as she. passed glad
eye to a French shutter, what was on de
Snuff OF a bubble dat was putting by.
&"Cheems." says she. fetching n dead swell
bow to me fren de bak-keep. what was
out for an airing wit his steady.
"Cheems.' says Duchess IF dere was a
little more smell of napta here dis would
be near as good IS Paris
''On your way, woman. l says. Eft
Avenoo can loose de Chansey Lazy In a
walk, and never know 1t was In race,
Look at de goils,''I says, DE COILS alone
can win out for dis country over any form
neck of woods dat lies out Of doors"
Duchess only gives me de shoulder raise.
like she was saying dat form COILS was
good enough for me. seeing rs how mar
Fled one. So l says, You was a pretty
good American when l married you, and
no gaiety goes wit dat gas
Duchess says, "Of a soitainty: was
pretty and I was good" and den she look
ed a thousand miles over me head, de way
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1903-08-02

she does when she thinks she has sawed Oft
a horse on me.
De trouble wit French COILS is, dat dey
has de long-distance glad-eye. Honest
when French goil in Paris gives you de
jolly pepper she has a look dat Is furder
off dan Sandy Hooll-and any thing furder
off Is too far from de Bowery. When /
was to Paris some of de COILS Duchess
gives me a knock down to passed. me out
a glad eye-so Duchess says when she
made rough house about it-but taut
dey was tagging a mug in de next county.
and l never got wise in time to retain de
compliment.
But dat isn't what was going to tell
you about: AS me and Duchess walled
up de Avenoo | says to her dat dere Is no
use trying to beat his little Old Island as
long as 1t was on top of de cart. Duchess
said dat de trouble was dat New York
wouldn't long be on top of de cart, wit all
Gle tunnels getting ready to bury de people
underground.
Hot air for farmers" says. mo
fear I says. "Dere never won't be no
tunnels ready, except de loops and when
dey is ready nobody won't ride In en-
Listen, III put you wise on tunnels: I
rode in one in London. Dey is to. de bad!
light a cigarette, and only dc sulphur is
hoining on de match. OATS right. It'll do
for Londoners, what never has no good
air down DER throats. but New Workers
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1903-08-02
BILL WON THE CROWN
BY NOIELLA ROUTT REYNOLDS

nothing beside an old stager like you;
your yarns go in these parts"
Lanky does not turn his head, and APP
paren1ly has not heard word Of Xxi. this AMI AMI
| been travelling all day, an me an the
President was both, about tired out. y
cattle punchers had been using for q stop
ping place in crossing the trail, made
er good fire u the PIG camp stove, ana
and after we ct the President give me one
OF them good cegars he always takes
along for the, friends he meets, In these
and got in er talking humor, an told
Teddy some Of my mountain experiences.
say lies Bill, gIys them the Tght na,me
ca like all lender ' feet to the real thhg
know nothing about-this with a glance
sleepy an laid down on one side rleay
dent,
rettler Is terrible when he hits, hut one
thing, about. him he always gives yo,
Whispered to Teddy to keep still, er rattlc'
this time, don't believe he slept so
| We eased ourselves up an looked: Boys, to
/ sight. A row Of snakes was saulrmln~
all around the log that set out under the
windows around the cabin an. crawling
about the President was four Of the big
gest rattlers ! ever seen--an you know
I We had my day In the Rockies They
hadn't got close u me on account OF mA
not being in front of the fire where tho
light, was that attracted them;
them with, an spied in the corner next to
me er stout mountain climber. To this
day lay the getting out or the worst
scrape ] ever was in 10 the stick some
COW pgncher forgot, I reached for Il ar,
swoop calling. all the time to him 70
stand sill for he would keep dancing, AS
fast as the fellers culled 10 strike
Knocked them out, by the time the, onea
fight er whole army of buzzers; my blood
was up. l did come pretty near whlpping
CT regiment. for the row around thaI capln
dropped two at er time, singing Ike ca
an, ! knocked them as fast as they
curled,"
| What was Teddy doing while you were
defsa a az him i again put 10 the ,dmper,
REGARDLESS Of the Interruption: II, was tho
| one that had the stick an ] didh' z take
1 time TO lend 1t TO the President. although
! knoWed he was worrying be-
cause he f9sldqt set n er lick II saSh
an the fight was over IN twenty minutes
| There was nifty dead fattlers on that floor
when my work was done, an'--Teddy?-
h, , Vas IN er dead taintEi- i. -
1 Bring In the crown Jim, you amt In II
this time l3ill's GOT the day
Bill had Won the day, and for the time
al least. was The King" of the occasion
! NoyELLA RoUpT REYNOLDS,