The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1903-10-29

ANC NdthOut liza never
knows what he can do till no tries
Life.
Caller-Your sister Is long time
making her appearance, Johnny.
Johnny-Yes; she's got to make 1t, of
course fore she comes down.-Chi-
cago Tribune.
His failure: "Do you know anything
about firting7" NO" he replied,
sadly; II thought'I did, but when I
tried 1t. hanged IL the girl didn't
marry me."-Chicaso Post
Friend-Edith married for money
didn't she2 Clara--No indeedl He Is
rich. but she is dreadfully in love with
him. Why when he comes In late,
she tust sits and scolds him by the
hour.
Fond Mother twho is sure the Wis
itor would like to hear her infant
prodigy on the violinl-Johnny is so
far advanced that now we can almost
tell whether he Is tuning or playing
Punch.
His guess: "Well. I think I made
an impression on her anyway" said
the automobile enthusiast, as he
glanced back at the fair young woman
lying IN the road-Chicago Record
Herald
One Thing Left-"There doesn't seem
to be anything that he can do" ''Oh,
I don't know. He's failed at every
thing else, bait he might run the adj
vice column In family magazine"
Chicago Post
And It swallowed the hook: $50 You
caught catfish that weighed 3S
ponndsT' Hook and all, that wuz
its weight" Hook and allr' Yep;
the hook l was using weighed 81
pounds. Indianapolis Sun.
Visitor-You are the editor? Well,
want to speak to you about my
daughter. She writes poetry. sir; and
she's only IA years old! Editor-Oh,
well, wouldn't worry. She'll outgrow
Il, perhaps.-Boston Transcript
The visitor-Why are you here, my
misguided friend? The prisoner-I'm
the victim Of the unlucky number,
thirteen The visitor-Indeed; how's
thatl The prdsoner-Twelve Jurors
and one judge.-Sporthng Times.
Medium lat spirltualisttc seancel-
Is Mr.. Keezicks PRESENT. His deceas-
ed wife wishes to communicate with
him. Mr. Keezlcks lin an agitated
voice)-Tell her I'd rather not. I'm
married again Chicago Tribune.
"I am afraid said the very wealthy
young woman to the titled wooer,
"that our ideals differ" "In what
wayT 81 should like to be loved for
my own sake, while you expect to be
loved for the sake Of your family
Washington Star.
A useful attache: "Why should I
give this man positionT' said the Sui
tan of Turkey. Because he may be
very useful In an emergency" answer
ed the grand vizier; "he knows how
to say We apologize in every modern
langua ge."-Washington Star.
yisltor--You haven't got half as nice
cemetery here as we have In Elm
vile. Prominent citizen tof Howville)
No, I've always heard that the GEM
etery Ks the only part of our town that
holds out any Inducements for per-
manent Observation-Disclosures Tribune.
"Fine, wasn't itT exclaimed Citi-
man, after the trombone soloist had
finished his star performance; that
was clever, ehT r. "Oh, shucks,' re-
piled the Milpitas country cousin; "he
didn't fool me little bit That's one
O. them trick horns. He didn't really
swaller TEX.
Promoters Of courage: Spartacus---
Women are a great incentive TO manly
courage. SmartIcus - That's right
Since I've been married and had few
Tits with my wife, the prospect OF
scrap with the meanest man ON earth
seems like mere childs play to me.
Baltimore American.
Lady (who was on a visit to her ma
tive tuwn).How is Mrs Gabb; l
haven't seen her in long time? Hos
tess-She Is having her usual ups and
down. Lady Visitor-And what may
that be, l pray? Hostess-Oh. run.
ming I'D bills and running down her
neighbors- Life.
Class amusements: Don't you think
the amusements Of many society peo-
pie are very nonsensical|' Some
times" answered Miss Cayenne, but
not as nonsensical as the amusements
Of those people who amuse themselves
by imagining how society people
amuse themselves" Washington Star.
Miss FERTILE met You at the beach