davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1903-12-18

did you ever hear the story of the man who
went into the saloon and got a drink and the
bartender shouted upstairs to the saloon keeper.
is Casey good for a drink? and the other
shouted down Has he had it."
GOOD heavens,' broke in the other senators,
''Of course we've heard it. We heard IL years
and years ago. 1t finishes like this: And the
barkeeper shouted back. He has" and the
owner said. He is."'"
Huh" said Senator Hanna. cit seems to
me there's a lot of well-informed people around
here"
But. Mark" protested Senator Scott. that
story has been told in every variety theater
in the country for the last twenty years"
We'll. WELL" snorted Senator Hanna, '1s
that so? Variety theaters are fine places for
senators to go to hear stories, aren't they,
when they could hear them In the cloakroom
from such fine raconteurs as myself?'-New
York World.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1903-12-18

The passage of the Cuban reciprocity bill
contest over the question and probably
marks the beginning of an era of profit
able trade between the United States and
Cuba. The treaty which is made operative
by the bill just passed was negotiated in
Havana in December last, and. after a
long discussion, was ratified by the
United States Senate on last March 10,
with some amendments. 1t had previously
been ratified by the Cuban Senate. but after
the amendments the Cuban Senate was
convened in special session foff new action.
II ratified the treaty as amended, and as
one of the amendments required the Joint
action of the House and Senat to make
the treaty operative. a special session OF
Congress was called for that purpose. The
House passed the bill approving the treaty
at the special session, and now the Senate
has passed it. thus ending an unusually
protracted and heated contest.
The treaty makes some important
changes in the tariff regulations between
the two countries and will probably result
In a large increase of trade. 1t secures for
American producers and manufacturers a
market which lies at our doors, and which,
already large, Is capable of great .expan-
sion. IL American manufacturers are
equal to the opportunity. as there Is every
reason to expect they will be, the treaty
will give the United States a practical mo-
nopoly Of the Cuban market. 1t will also
be OF great benefit to Cuba by increasing
her trade and revenues, thereby conducting
to the prosperity of the country and the
stability Of the government.
Aside from commercial considerations.
there was a question of honor involved in
the passage of a bill which was the final
act in the ratification OF the treaty. After
assisting Cuba to gain her independence
and establish a republican form of govern
ment. the United States imposed certain
conditions Upon her which made us morally
bound to offer her favorable trade condi-
tions. Failure to do so would have been
almost tantamount to Reputation of the
pledged faith of the Nation and would ave
given the Cubans just ground for hating
us. But all is well that ends well, and the
ratification of the treaty is a matter OF
profound congratulation in both countries.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1903-12-18
Making Flat Carwheel..

Flat Wheel" growled the old retired con-
ductor as the trolley car In which he sat went
humping along at twelve miles an hour, shak-
ing the passengers uncomfortably at every revo-
luton of the wheels.
What makes fat wheels?' asked the man
sitting next 20 the conductor.
ITS this way: If a man doesn't know how
to stop his car he makes n fiat wheel. On the
steam roads some brakemen fiatten q wheel
every tire they put on a brake. When the
wheel suddenly stops revolving and the momen-
tum Of the train carries IL along the wheel
slides along the track and a fiat is started.
Next stop makes 1t worse. and so 1t goes until
the wheel is no good. If a brakeman knows
his business he need never make a fiat wheel
unless he has to suddenly avoid an accident.
If he keeps his wheels turning slowly they
don't fatten. Now these fellows on the troll
leys take no care at all, and every other car
I'm some places has q fiat wheel. "-Philadelphia
Public Ledger.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1903-12-18

tar; and what percentage OF different grades
of oil they Were making; also how much
oil was exported. This was 10
be mailed regularly to Boz 164 OF the Cleve-
land postoffice. Mr.. Teagle, who at that mo-
ment was hot on the tracks or the stand
ard in the courts. got an AFFIDAVIT from the
bookkeeper. This he took with the money
which the clerk had received TO the secre-
tary of the Standard Oil Company and
charged him with bribery. At first the
gentleman denied having any knowledge OF
the matter, but he finally confessed and
even took back the money
Several gentlemen testified before the
recent Industrial commission to the belief
that their business was under the constant
espionage of the Standard OIL Company.
Mr.. Theodore Westgate. an oil refiner OF
Titusville, told the commission that all OF
his shipments were watched. The infer
ence from his testimony was that the
Standard Oil Company received reports
from the freight houses. Mr.. Lewis Emery
of Bradford. a lifelong contestant of the
Standard. declared that he knew his bust
ness was followed now in the same way
as II was i'm 1872 under the South Improve
ment Company contract. He gave one or
two instances from his own business expe-
rience to Justify his statements, and he
added that he could give many others IL
necessary. Mr.. Gall. of Montreal. Canada,
declared that these same Methods were in
operation in Canada. when our tank cars
come in.' Mr.. Gall told the commission.
.'the Standard OH Company have "A habit
of sending their men, opening a tank car
and taking a sample. out To see what II con-
tains.' Mr.. Cali declared that he knew
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1903-12-18
ABOUT PEOPLE AND THINGS.

The area of the lands held by the Car of
Russia as an individual is greater than that
OF the republic of France.
Mile. de FIaudre has been given the degree
of doctor OF science by the faculty Of sciences
Of Paris. with honorable mention.
The houses in Bahia, Brazil. have no door
bells. Visitors clap their hands or shout to
attract attention, unless they have been seen
by the women of the house. who sit at the
windows every afternoon till 8 O'Clock, the hour
when. at all seasons. darkness comes on.
A case of disputed parentage in Poland is to
be settled by the application of the principles
OF anthropometry. Characteristic measurements
being made to show the relationship. The new
science Of biometrics. says an exchange. should
serve the novelists turn in cases in which the
hero's birth is 'wrapt in mistry," as Thack-
cray puts 1t.
The silver statue of Ada Rehan. shown at the
Columbian exposition. which has lain In the
basement of a Topeka Nan.) dry goods store
for a long time. is to be melted into bullion.
The man who has beaten all the impresarios,
In that he has successfully tempted Mary An
derson de Navarro to face an audience again, is
the Rev. Father Bernard Vaughan. well known
to loving thousands In London's whitechapel.
The mistake OF the manager was in Offering
gold for Nine. dc Navarro's songs. Father
Vaughan offered only the pleasure Of 1000 chill
dren.
One of the largest checks ever drawn was
used in completing a deal in Kimberly mines.
IL was drawn up by the DE Beerses for the
round sum of e5. coo.o coo (ss5. 900. coo.) AT the same
It was supposed TO be the largest check ever
drawn. representing more wealth In the smallest
possible form than any other object in the
world. Since the drawing OF the De Beers
check. however. several new Iecords have been
made, including a check f& El0.0o 600 ESQ.
600. oo,. drawn upon the Bank OF England by tho
Chinese government in settlement Of the Chi
ncse-Jspanese war indemnity.
General Young began his military career a,
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1903-12-18

Hon., Champ Clark recently told Of a case
brought up in Missouri in which one of the
lawyers engaged tried to serve his client by
throwing suspicion on a certain witness during
the course Of his cross-examination.
The first question put was:
You admit that they were at the prisoners
home every evening during this period?"
Yes, sir" replied the witness.
Estate whether you and he were interested
in any special transaction. such as. for in
stance. business or otherwise"
Eyes, sir, We were"
'Oh. ho!' exclaimed the willy attorney. Then
you will no doubt be good enough to inform
US now. and to what extent also. the nature
of the business in which you were jointly in
terested."
II haven't the least objection in the world"
cheerfully answered the obliging witness. "If
you want to know-I was counting his daush-
er."-Washington Post.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1903-12-18
Is THE WEST DEGENERATING9
symptoms Which Indicate Decay from
the Great Past.
Kansas City Star.

Kansas City Star.
There are some signs of the times affect
ing this Western country which are certain
to produce much uneasiness. The seemingly
veracious statement that Mr.. w. j. Bryan
appeared recently in London in a high silk
hat came within a few weeks of the equally
incontrovertible Information that Governor
Dockery, of Missouri, had foresworn his
goatee Between the appearance of these
two unmistakable evidences of the encroach-
ments of an effete civilization charges
were filed against a candidate for the Kan
sas federal judgeship that he played poker.
From this last circumstance it is obvious
that an insiduous attempt is being made
to substitute bridge" or even ''fiinch,"
for the time-honored Western game.
Whittier are we drifting? Has the "slimy
serpent of the money power finally full
filled the prophecy of the Hon. William
Joel Some and laid tits corroding hands
upon the throat of the Nation?" 1t would
seem so. The independence of the West
has been assailed in its most invincible
s~trongholds. If one would have picked
the very xempla of Missouri simplicity
the perennial flower of Bourbonism as
manifested in a primitive beard-his selec-
ton would have been Mr.. Dockery. When
Charlie Towne, Governor Hogg. Senator
Pettigrew and others were leaving the
straight and narrow path of populism for
the broad way of Wall street that leads to
destruction the patriot would have pointed
to William Jennings Bryan in SLOUGH hat
and alpaca coat as the incorruptible ex-
ponen Of the West. And if the newspapers
had told of baccarat scandals and bridge"
iniquities he would have murmured thank
heaven, it's poker they play out here"
But this is all changed. o temporal! o
moresi No wonder the beef trust can
pluck the farmer and gouge the consumer.
Luxury has invaded the sanctified places
and fashion has demoralized the tribunes
of the people. In vain may Governor
Dockery draw attention to his narrow
heeled boots. He probably wears clicked
stockings. Like sounding brass and tink-
ling cymbals will be the denunciations of
the Commoner. The editor will be sus-
pected of talking through a silk hat. The
poker stories of Senator Stone and the
Kansas-Missouri delegations In Congress
will no longer delude a confiding people.
The ''ante" and the 'kitty'-those Jealous
conservators of Western manners-have
been debased for the enervating pleasures
of 1.-The dummy" and great slam and
"~cnicane."
In the hopelessness engendered by these
calamitous developments no remedy is sug-
gested. The facts have merely been called
to the attention of the people. Perhaps
there is sufficient virility yet remaining
among the masses to assert itself and save
the West
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1903-12-18

1t has taken ten years to settle the financial
affairs OF the Columbian Exposition. The final
dividend OF i67 per cent. has been declared re-
Gently on the stock. and a balance or SIS. 900
remains in the hands of the directors to pay the
costs should certain outstanding lawsuits be
decided against the company. II the litigation
results favorably to the company the ST.. 900 viii
be devoted to charity.
A 10 per cent. dividend was paid In 1894. The
total return to the stockholders is 81. 1914 for
every $40 invested. a loss OF 81. 53is. exclusive Of
interest. The stock is neld by the city OF Chi
cago and the Field Columbian Museum and 20. 600
individual stockholders
The $50. 900 now OH hand will be distributed
as follows: City OF Chicago. 500. 900 shares.
sea. 600; Field Museum. 100. 900
shares. SEC. $50: individuals. holding about CO.,
600 shares. SGT. 900. The total loss 70 the in
dividuai stockholders IL about 81. 1000 Phila-
aeiohia Ledger.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1903-12-18

What might be called the pure cussed-
ness of the Democratic party has never
had a more striking demonstration than in
the attempt to compel the Democrats in
the Senate by caucus action to oppose every
measure Of a Republican administration An
attempt was made to enforce this rule
against the Cuban reciprocity treaty. and
the attempt will be repeated in the consid-
Grafton OF the Panama canal treaty. Both
Of these are business and commercial meas
ures and should be considered on their mer-
its. irrespective of party politics. The at
tempt TO control the action of the Demo-
cratic senator's on such measures by caucus
coercion. thus subordinating public and ma
tionai interests to party dictation. Is one of
the most notable Illustrations the Demo
cratic party has given of its lack OF pat
riofism.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1903-12-18

In his speech against the Cuban reci-
procity bill Senator Bailey. of Texas, re-
ferred to the agreement of the Democratic
caucus to stand solidly on party questions
and warned the Republicans that in future
they could not depend or struggling Demo-
measures. regardless of whether they were
or were not In accordance with Demo
cratic doctrines" Senator Bailey failed to
state tina the main Democratic doctrine is
to oppose every measure and every policy
that originates under a Republican admin
and beneicent II may be.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1903-12-18
Similia Sfmilibus Curantur.

A glistening pearl on a velvet tray
In a Theban jewelers. window lay,
When Niobe CHANGED to pass that way.
"Oh Amphion dear" that night she said,
As she kissed his cheek and stroked his head,
81 must have that pear. or my joy is fed
But her husband swore by Olympus high
He'd be dinged If he was going to buy
All the doddeened truck that caught her eye.
Then a glistening pearl on her eyelash stood,
And he couldn't withstand it-no man could;
So he bought the gem, as she knew he would.
Brooklyn Eagle.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1903-12-18

The testimony Of Secretary Root practi-
caily clears General Wood OF the charges
made against him and insures his connrma-
ton by the Senate. In effect. the secre-
tary's testimony Is that all of the present
charges have been investigated by the War
Department and found to be groundiess.
Secretary Root is a very able man and al
ways knows what he is talking about.
There can be no question as to the weight
Of his testimony on the point he speaks to.
but the fact remains that the rapid promo
ton of General Wood from the rank OF
army surgeon and captain to that OF major
general was a violation OF presidents and
calculated to provoke opposition. As IL
tsoks NOV Il wiz devolve on General Wood
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1903-12-18

Speaking of suicide: A Jersey City police
captain says that pickles and other sour
edibles are responsible for a large proportion
of the attempts on their lives made by
people in his district. pickles will send
anyone insane he said, eff enough of them
are eaten" The captain went on to state
that there are more suicides in Germany
than in any other European nation, and
that medical statistics show the sour food
of Germany to be responsible for the sui
cidal mania. If you wish to retain your
mental balance cease eating pickles.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1903-12-18
A BATCH OF LITTLE STORIES.


When 1 hear these wise people who know it
ALL" said Representative Dougherty OF Mis-
souri,, II always think of the Irishman in my
town who was asked If he did not think the
sun a fine body.
Faith. yis sor.' he replied, but I think the
moons more useful
More usefui?'
Sure. she's more useful. because she shines
by night, when we are all in the dark an need
her. The sun only shines by day. when there's
light enough anyhow New York World.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1903-12-18
Her Political Party.

The veteran actor Joseph jefferson Is fond of
relating this story of an election in Colorado.
where the women vote on the school question.
A lady came to the place of registration one
morning TO qualify herself for suffrage at the
coming election. with what political party
do you afiliate?' asked the clerk generously.
The lady blushed. started and was evidently
much embarrassed. Must I answer" she
asked. Yes. madam said the clerk. you
must answer IL you would vote.' WELL" she
replied. II don't think I'll vote. then, for 1t is
nobody's business what the party's name is. but
1 don't mind telling you that he is a candi-
date for school trustee and he is one of the
incest men l ever met."-Denver Times.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1903-12-18

in 1861 When he retires next January he will
be succeeded by another former private SOL
Chanee. General Chafee enlisted
as a private in the Sixth Cavalry in 1861, and
Will not retire until 1906. So the first two
chiefs of the general staff will be soldiers who
have risen from the ranks. But sig OF the sew
enteen men who have been Notwithstanding
of the United States army have been West
Pointers. Those six ranged from Grant TO Scho-
field All six reached the command in conse-
quence Of the civil war.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1903-12-18
The Limit of Exclusiveness.

Fitx- Bile5Chumppson Chumppe is becoming
more exclusive every hour.
Van Quiz-What has our A~nglomaniac friend
been doing now?
Observation-Disclosures Chumppe is becoming
dance last night. he cut everybody but the Eng
lish butier.-New Orleans Times-D Democrat.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1903-12-18
Are you a p~racticing physician
Arctic Horrors.

The polar bear stood at the edge Of the
glacier and looked over its desolate surface.
Come on groaned and creaked the glacier.
II can't promise you even a bear livelihood, but
il you will stay long enough 1 will carry you
out to the ocean. where you will find the fish,
ing excellent
''Tell that to the marines!" growled the polar
bear.
And the GOODNESS between them became even
more intense.-Chicago Tribune.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1903-12-18

different ways in which people commit sui
eide, the most popular methods. the least
used and so on. 1t always seems strange TO
read of some one who has soaked his clothes
I'm oil and made a Neronian torch of himself
when there are so many more pleasant ways
to end ones existence. A young Hungarian
named Donzoni the other day went into the
woods during a snow storm, undressed and
lay down to die of exposure. He had a smile
on his face when dlscovered-actually
seemed to have euioyed il.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1903-12-18
ShOD-Sauce.

What kind of a hat should a man wear with
a pepper-and-salt suit?' asked the handkerchief
salesman of the genius who held sway over the
neckwear counter.
"a castor, Of course" responded the cravat
clerk with the insouciance of a man who is
studying for the stage by spending ten. twenty,
or even thirty cents. as the case may be, every
Friday evening.-Judge.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1903-12-18

There is a new invention called the tele-
monograph. 1t is a telephone which i'm
presses its message on a wax cylinder for
future reference. Persons wishing to avoid
breach-of-promise suits will hereafter be
very careful about saying sweet things by
phone.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1903-12-18

Philadelphia Record.

You forgot to make a bottom buttonhois
In my vest a man said 10 his tailor the
other day. The tailor answered: '.Oh. no,
not at all. You are not supposed TO button
the bottom button OF your vest this year.
and that Is why the buttonhole isn't a pra3,
ticable one. It's worked all right, you see.
IL looks all right; but there Is no actual hole
for the button to'go through. You see," ex.
planned the tailor, for the last twelve on
fifteen years the best-dressed men have
been leaving the bottom Of their vests un-
buttoned because the English DO so, and be-
cause a vest thus worn has an engagtngly
careless look and Setf better besides not
wrinkling when you sit down. Well. I arm
an innovation, and L want 10 make this little
fashion popular with all men. Therefore I
am cutting all my vests this year so thai
they won't button at the bottom. The last
buttorhoie on each OF them Il a fake. the
same as the ~butTonhole upon coat slecveA
Hence. my frieisd. you have no kick COMING
Your vest As all right
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1903-12-18

No doubt scientists and health officers are
Ideally right in their views regarding the
dissemination OF disease germs by the I'M
sanitary construction of schoolhouses. and
OF sleeping cars. ETC., but what are we going
to do about IL? Schoolhouses and sleeping
cars belong to modern civilization, and we
must have them whether they are ideally
perfect or not. Perhaps the demand for
ideal perfection is too imperative.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1903-12-18

Senator Morgan says OF the Panama canal
business that 1t Is "a most wretched. a most
abominable and a most horrible transac-
ton" II he keeps on at that rate his sup
ply Of adjectives will become exhausted be-
fore he Is ready to quit talking. He should
reserve HIS fire.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1903-12-18
A Remedy Suggested.

1T seems to me-" said Mrs. Oldcastle. that
the proletariat Is becoming more and more diff
fcult to manage"
Yes" replied her hostess, Josiah thinks so,
too. but his idea is that IL people wouldn't eat
hearty just before goin' to bed very few of them
would ever have it."-Chicago Record-Herald.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1903-12-18

Says the Memphis Commercial-Appeal:
-Four years more OF Roosevelt will mean
about forty more years Of the Democratic
party Yes; forty more years OF the DEM
ocratic party In the same place 1t has occu-
pied for the last forty.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1903-12-18
A Steady Job.

What profession DO you follow?" asked at
torney for plaintiff.
1.-The medical profession" the witness an
swered.
Are you a practicing physicianT'
mo. sir"
''Then what do you mean by saying you fol-
low the medical profession?
81 am an undertaken. ir."-Brooklyn Eagle.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1903-12-18

The Rev. Madison c.. Peters is a gloomy
old prophet who sees a dark cloud rapidly
approaching. He says that in 100 years
there will be in the South 25O.0O0,0N negroes
and only about 100, 900. 900 whites. Pity poor
posterity-its bed will not be one Of roses!
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1903-12-18

Chicago is to give her policemen lessons
N the art OF shooting. II policemen could
receive lessons in the art of refraining TO
shoot. humanity as represented by the in
nocent bystander would be the gamer.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1903-12-18

to prove that he deserved this rapid and
extraordinary promotion over the heads OF
educated military men. Perhaps the best
thing for all concerned would be to con-
slider the incident closed.