The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1903-02-19
KICK ERS. W


with the affairs Of others. It takes all
his time to look after his own affairs.
But the misguided individual who tries
to cheat, rob, beat or murder this phleg-
matte parsonage will behold q sudden
transformation of careless indifference
into pernicious activity, and will learn
q lesson which, If rightly taken, will be
of incalculable advantage to him. If
he is wise he will paste in his hat this
rule: Never bother the kicker who
kicks for himself only. For it is safer
to monkey with the buzzsaw when in
motion, or stand behind the Missouri
mule and tickle his heels, than to arouse
the ire of the kicker who never kicks
until he has kick coming.
The kicker who kicks for others is
the kicker who kicks when he thinks
he has kick coming. He is the Don
Quixote among kickers. This world Of
ours is full of wrongs, and he considers
himself the proper person to right ali
the wrongs. And when he can find no
real wrongs to kick at he will kick at
imaginary wrongs. He is, in short, the
self-constituted kicker-in-chief for all
those who are either too weak, or too
busy, or else lack the inclination, to kick
for themselves. Very often he is act
uated by motives that are almost SUBJ
lime in their unselfshness. And as
there is but step from the sublime to
the ridiculous, it is at times exceeding
ly difficult to say whether his procliv-
ity to kick obstacles out of the way Of
his fellow creatures savors more of the
one or the other-perhaps there is a
mingling of both.
Once upon time, when Kickhard XI
was King of the Kicker Islands, there
lived in the city of Kickville, the
capital of the kingdom, male person
whose name was Persistent Kicker,
and his reputation, and what's more, his
ectual character, matched his name. In
the same city, and at the same time, there
also lived wag who carried in his hat
band this almost syllogistic motto: Es-
chew hard work; kicking is hard work;
ergo: eschew kicking. But tho he found
no delight in kicking himself-very few
men do, in fact; unless it be for betting
on the wrong horse, or the wrong man,
or for proposing to the wrong woman
therefore, tho he found no delight in
kicking for himself, he nevertheless
felt acute attacks of pleasurable ex-
element, assa ling his sensorium upon
beholding others registering vigorous
kicks. One day he placed in the mid
die of the main street of Kickviile a
rock weighing about 25. pounds and
over the rock he placed an old plug hat.
Now the bystanders whoeknew Mr..
Wag, tho above making kicks, was not
above playing tricks, chuckled unto
themselves, and looked wonderfully
wise-even as fools do. Pretty soon
Mr.. Persistent Kicker came bustling
down the street.-the lived on the hill
and when he came near, Mr.. Wag re-
marked in cursory manner that some
one ought to kick that burned old hat
out of the way before it causes some
skittish horse to run away; (for the days
of the automobile were not YETI Mr..
P. X. heard him, and, as matter Of
course, made straight for the hat, and
gave it a vicious kick-and Immediate
ly after made the important discovery
that the phalanges and metatarsals Of
his right kicking tool needed the atten-
tion of the repairer. And the wise
looking fools behaved in an uproarious
manner, and invited Mr.. Wag to Q
nearby thirst quenching establishment,
where they set 'em up to him until he
fell down. Moral: Don't kick just be-
cause others want to see you kick.
The kicker who kicks at any and
everything needs no advertising. Yon
all know him. He is generally voted q
rank nuisance; and rightly so. Some-
times he is amusing, and then he Is tol-
Grated. A kicking example OF this type
Of kickers made his appearance few
years ago on the Mississippi river. 10
weighing down brush mats With,