Evening bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1895-1912, 1903-02-03
Don't quite see where the fun would

solely for the excellence Of its racing
news. Wen advertise not for a wife
but for baby"
"A baby" echoed the other two
blankly.
Yes" said Lucy" jumHing up and
walking about excitedly. "a baby! Well
make him the laughing-stock of Warm
ford Now. this wants thinking out,
he added. opening the door and bawl-
ing. Green Gree-en-Gre-e-e-en At
the top of his voice.
Presently Private Green made his APP
pearance. wearing the perennially in
Jured expression Of the officers ser
want
Did you call, sir?" said he.
No" answered Lucy" abruptly, 81
was only talking in my sleep. Go ana
fetch me three brandies and sodas-tbe
old brandy, midland look sharp
The inspiring and inspiritng drinks
were brought. and after hasty pull az
his tumbler Lucy" sat down and scrib.
bled industriously. whilst his COM
panions repressed their curiosity as
best they could.
Now. you fellows" he cried at last,
"what do you think Of this? Wanted
A baby. Wealthy army officer wishes
to adopt an infant BY the way. We
ought to say male or female; won
der which makes the most noise"
oh. gentleman babe, of course"
said Mr. Hamber cynically, "tothers
wait till they're married. But what
/ on earth"
Never mind. Wishes to adopt an
/ infant male preferredl. Apply In
person, with infant, to Major Wilbra
ham, b Block Onicer's Row, oporto
Barracks, Warmford, between the
hours of 8 and p. m. on the 18th
inst. that's Tuesday. Now, how's
that?" he concluded eXultantly.
"Whew!" said Mr.. Hamber. and
What's the game?" queried the obese
ITitwillow. dense of perception.
Gamer shouted Lucy" cant you
see, you blessed stan officer? Well
stick this in the Steeple-there are any
amount of advertisements offering
children In il every week-and when
Wilbraham comes back on Tuesday
know he's going to lecture at the Unit
ed Service Institution on Monday night
and coming back for mess Tuesday
the whole squarell be packed full OF
babes-ha! ha! ha.--and you bel
these local rags will make the most Oi
1t, and he'll jolly well be laughed out
I.s H.. h.f Ia ha
MY whiskers. won't there be n
ROVE" said Titwillow.
Il don't care If there isl" retorted
Lucy" now thoroughly excited. 1--WE
had enough OF Master Wilbraham, and
I don't care what happens. Are you
fellows coming in or not?"
Hum" said Mr.. Hamber, its UNI
commonly risky, but I'm game. I'm
so frightfully broke that nothing mat.
ters I'm thinking Of writing to a pa
per merchant to ask how much ton
he'll give me for writs and judgment
summonses. You may count me In
How about you, Tito"
"All right" replied that worthy, I'm
on. What between having to coun;
greasy coppers in the canteeen in tho
morning and play ping-pong with old
mother Stopford" Il regret to say that
this was Mr.. Titwillow's dlsrespectful
way of abiding to his commanding Of
fcers skittish but elderly wife) Sin
the afternoon the service Is no place
for a gentleman, and ! don't mind II
have to chuck H.. But what do you
want us to do, Lucy?"
"Oh, nothing much. Wen Just copy
out this advertisement afresh, then
we'll forge letter between us from
Wilbraham to the Steeple people. tro,
down town, get postal order, and send
the lot OFF tn Just be in time for this
weeks issue. Afterwards we might
drop into the club and teach these Local
Founders how TO play pool"
Right OH" said the other two con.
spirators.
:
Outside b Block, Officers Row. Opor.
to Barracks, Warmford, there was a
very animated scent about $3.50 p. m
on the following Tuesday. "Lucy's"
advertisement had fully answered it's
purpose, and between two and three
score babies were encamped in front OF
Major Wilbraham's quarters. There
were large babies, small babies, fat
babies, thin babies, pink babies. pale
babies, well-dressed babies, ill-clad
babies, crying babies, laughing babies
in short, babies Of all sizes and con-
ditions, including one quiet baby OF
whom more anon. The Majors servant,
convinced of his masters insanity, had
betaken himself TO the canteen and
beer. Knots Of soldiers watched the
scene, dimly suspectlng a lark, but not
daring to interfere; whilst the few of
| ficers in barracks, all more or less in
the know, roared with laughter and
speculatcd on the ultimate fate of the
practical jokers, who had taken up n
strategic position, where. in the Lam
guage of the drill book, they could see
without being seen" The mothers OF
the babies were beginning to express
the Impotence which the latter haG
/ long since felt and intimated, when a
cab was driven rapidly across the