The people's journal. (Pickens, S.C.) 1891-1903, 1903-01-22
PHILOSOPHY OF CROWDS
ADVICE FROM AN EXPERT ON HOW
TO GET ALONG.

So us to Cnure tho Aio.t Troublc-Cor
root Methods of rushin. and .Jabbiur.
Crowds furnish nourishing food for
philosophy. 1T takes a philosopher to
appreciate them to the full. Take a sup
posititious case: Suppose that you are
tightly wedged in a sharp-cornered
mass of struggling humanity,
musician Of the Wagncrian
school playing the anvil chorus
on your right ribs, an able-bod-
led pantomimist performing the Devils
TATTOO on your left ribs and siren
uous anatomist taking liberties with
the small OF your back. Unless you can
view life from a broad aspect, you will
revile fate. If you are philosopher,
however. you will congratulate your
self that you are there and proceed to
square the score against your fellow
men by taking it out of the man in
'front.' If you arc ingenious you will
even have little balance left to your
credit. provided you go about ii in the
right way. In crowd, the man in front
Is fair game. Those in the very front
row alone are helpless and it is only
right that they should pay the penalty
eli to any class of men to have things
all their own way.
1t has often been remarked that
crowds arc good naturcd. They are. A
crowd will break every cigar in a mans
pocket and laugh good-naturcdly while
doing it. A crowd will step merrily
over a select collection Of reluctant
tCct with the happicst good nature. \
crowd will tear Il mans clothes. carry
away his parcels, squeeze the last gasp
Of breath out of his body and then
black his eye, all with the utmost good
nature.
The man who suddenly stops in a
crowded procession has nice hot
place below picked out for him. lie will
set a warm reception from his victims
who have gone before. 1t is a curious
fact in the phenomena of crowds that
the man who suddenly stops in front
of you invariably carries an umbrella
They are without doubt the descend
ants of those knights OF old who travel
cd around the country with couchcd
lanccs. 1t is even more curious TO note
that the sharp steel end Of the stop
pcr'S umbrella is always pointed at
some vulnerable part Of ynnr persons.
preferably the face. The stopper stops
The umbrella is driven home with IL
deft handed iab, learned through long
experience. Then the situation becomes
even more curious, and the ensuing
language might be called quaint with
its black letter text and illuminat ed
capitals.
AS bad as the man who stops is the
man who insists uDOn preceding. This
man is always behind YOU when the
anatomist is absent. He is evidently q
man accustomed TO overcoming insup-
cradle obstacles. He is an irresistible
force. Nothing can stop him. He will
walk up your back as calmly as though
it were his own front steps. He will
breathe noisily down your collar Wher
you turn around to demonstrate with
him, he will squrm in front Of yol
with Il joyful ejaculation. Then all is
well. He learns experience from the
stopper while you playfully labor un
der the impression that his back is youl
front steps. You have him there and ii
is your own fault if you do not give
him a memorable lesson.
The man who steadily pushes is an.
other fine character. He places his
shoulder against your back, pulls his
hat down over his eyes, grits his teeth
gets a good hold with his feet. and
pushes. Just pushes. Everlastingly
and incXOrably pushes. Whenever you
get woman in front Of you in a crowd
you will get pushcr behind. The
woman will tcarfully object.
Hey, there, behind me- you will
say. Lady in front! Cheese it,!
All the response you will get will be
a renewed pressure. There is only one
thing to do and that is to swing you,
heel back and let the pusller have il
hot and heavy on the shins. You must
do this good naturedly, but not the
less emphatcally. The pusher will al
ways retaliate, not necessarily for pur.
poses Of revenge, but merely as evi
dence Of reciprocal good nature. He
will probably knock your hat over youl
eyes or flip it far away with a polite
Excuse me-" He will be sure to do one
Of these things. so if you are wise yol
will operate upon his shins thoroughly
while you are about it.
The man who smokes in a crowd ha:
hard time Of it.
"Phew," the man on the right vii
, say.
Rotten, isn't it," the man on tn
| left will remark.
= If you are sensible you will wiggl
behind one of them and push the no
end Of the cigar against his neck
p laughing goodnaturcdly meanwhile
=, That will teach him not to be SO fire
:, with his criticisms in the future.
At the same timc you must be care
=. iul or else. when you have put the ciga
=. back into your mouth the critic viii
:, suddenly jerk his head back and ran
the cigar down your mouth tOr cor
:, siderable distance Many smokers hay
q learned 10 chew in this way.
:, You arc not to be cnvied if you hay
friends in a crowd This is on accoun
y Of the unconventional style in whic
they will reveal their idcntit.
! Your friend will edge up until he
. just behind the man behind you. u