davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1903-10-04
Why the Men the Confederate GunboatS Hailed the Old
Countryman With Joy When He Paid Them Visit.
ODD COLLECTION IN THE MUSEUM OF AN ANTIQUARIAN

was an order that no man could even
buy liquor without the certificate of a
physician. and we doctors were put on
our honor not to do any nbbing about
the matter. The strict rule hit some OF
the tanks with fearful violence. 1t nearly
ran certain friend of mine crazy. He
literally wrung his hands over the order.
or course, he came to me to help him.
but was tickled to death at any oppor-
tunity to keep him on water.
"'Doctor, said this sinner, I'm bound
to have liquor. I have taken five drinks
a day regularly for years, and l simply
can't do without them now. The sudden
flop would kr1l me- You know that I'm
talking gospel truth
And l certainly did know it-none
knew better.
Nov, what want you to do said
the furnishing tank. is to write me out
a certificate reclting the facts mentioned
ruinous to my health You know how
my! the way that human sponge did
coax and wheedle me-" added the super
ANIMATED warrior. There was no shak-
Ing him of. Finally thought l had nit
upon a method Of Kidding myself Of him.
said: Look here. my friend, It is true
that I know you have taken i've drinks
a day for the last twenty years. Any
body can look at that beacon light on
your nose and see that. 1t is also true
that think YOU think you'll die II you
can't get whiskey in the future. but that
doesn't mean that you'll actually Ole
without 1t. I'm not willing to strain my
conscience to help you,fbu I'll go this
far. III write you 2 certificate stating
that you have long been addicted to tho
use Of stimulants (heaven knows you
carry an anldavit to that effect on your
face), and I'll also say that you are at
present very uncomfortable without them.
Last, but not least Ill say that YOU say
you'll die II you don't have liquor in the
future. After recitins these facts I'll
sign an order for gallon OF the stuff,
and let you do the rest
"And would you believe it, The old
rascal jumped at the proposition like
duck jumping on a June bug and bolted
OF.
1.-The funny part about 1t. too, is that
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1903-10-04

the Confederate officials let him have the
whiskey. o! the diabolical Ingenuity Of
human thirst!
II the white ribbon folks-would to
gracious every one of you people be-
longed to their factlon-wlll bear with
me just moment more would like to
recall another odd thing in connection
with whskey. 1t concerns DR.. r. A.
Brock, tho historian and antiquarian,
whose commodlous home on West Mar
shall Street is treasure house, Of 1T
erary and historical curios. DR.. Brock.
from his earliest youth, has been col
lector Of all sorts Of things. Indeed. he
even believes In collecting money that
people owe him. But that aside. Suffice
1t to say that this strange propensity
Is what makes his library and museum
SO valuable.
Years ago. for some reason he had &C.
casion to get whiskey dask-the flask,
mind you, and not the stuff in 1t. Then
he got another uask, and the first thing
he knew he took 1t into his head to
save some of tho queer receptacles into
which whiskcy had been poured. The
result was astonishing. Truth to tell,
DR.. Brock himself was amazed by the
many strange bottles and TASKS used by
liquor dealers. Then he became fasci-
mated with the idea of collecting these
TASKS. They were inexpensive and in
teresting. What Is more, some Of them
were artistic and ornamental. Others
showed the greatest ingenuity on the
part Of their inventors, and would have
attracted attention among any sort of
glassware.
And so the strange collection has grown
and grown, until 1t now fills shelves reach
ing from floor to ceiling. II there is one
bottle in the strange assortment, there
is at least 500 They appear in all shapes
and sizes. There are TASKS made in the
shape Of pistols and TASKS bearing the
American coat-of-arms; TASKS. for some
unexplained reason, made to represent
owls, and tasks supposed to portray cats:
fat TASKS and lean TASKS, bull-necked
TASKS and TASKS with graceful necks like
swans; TASKS as fiat as founder and
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1903-10-04

made a special study of everything and
knew exactly what he was talking about
Why. he actually wrote articles for the
newspapers on the most intricate prob
lens OF the day. or course he always
signed these articles Constant Reader;"
but be that as 1t may, they struck the
nail square on the head, because Hiram
knew exactly how to get at the bootm
of things
Furthermore, he could save people o
heap OF money, and trouble II they would
only be sensible enough to take his ad-
vice, Why didn't he tell Mr., caraway
that II he ordered ono of them plush
bound Comb and Brush Sets for the
Christmas trade he would have an ele-
phant OH his hands? And didn't hard
loaded Oh ,caIaway go do i any how,
Judge Tendays that he couldn't catch
Nhte bass With RED worms2 And didn'!!
The old numb skull try 1t any how and
not get bite? Didn't he go 10 tho
trouble Of telln. Lon simmons that sui,
.f tho blind manse2 And didn't cantan-
keious Lon order some Of that highfa-
lnting stuff from Baltic Creek and the
6s.s lay Eight daaaa .s.od dIsdI. Didn't he
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1903-10-04

bucolic visitor than the officers, and that
whatever doubts may have been enter
tained as 10 the youth Of tho eggs, the
pcddler never left tho vessels with any
Of his stock still on hand.
by and by, the officers also noticed
another strange thing sort OF spec
seemed repoiced when they saw that old
countryman coming. they appeared to
grow still happier shortly after he had
gone. Indeed, his departure was gen.
orally a signal for most unwonted hilar-
ity on tho part OF the Johnny Rebs,
Added to this hilarity, the officers OBJ
served certain watery eyes among their
slbordinates and what is moro, those
with keen roses shifted various and d.
veTs smells, which nwoke vague long
lngs In their bosoms-no, not bosoma In
their throttlos. In short, the officers smelt
whiskey. Now, wien Confederate ::ose
snlelt whskcy In those days, things
lidn't end there. Tho liquid was run to
the ground Just as q hound dog runs a
ra bbit to It's den.
But to return to my mutton" con-
tinued the old Confederate. whose remin-
isccnt strain ancnt alcoholic nuid. by the
way, was In itself supcrinduced by some
OF my best apple brandy, "the officers
on those Eunboats began to get interest
cd--decp1y Interested. Discipline shall
be preserved on these vessels at any
cost said they. and even as they maee
these hypocritical remarks they mentally
resolved that II any lJqnor were drunk
on those boats It was to be drunk by
THEM. And so they kept on putting
two and two toscther-incidentally lick
Ing their chops while they did so-and
watching for signs on the horizon. AS
time wore on their attention was par
ticllarly attracted by tho old country
man and tho delight with which his
goinEs and comlnss were hailed. And
one sad day the truth. in a nebulous way.
dawned upon certain foxy officer. He
smelt rat sure enough. or. more spe-
cincally speaking. something mucn more
popular than rats. The bucolic peddler
was called into the officers quarters, but
not a word was at first said about the
impending storm. Tho officer simply
asked the rural codger II he had any
eggs to sell. Certainly. the old rooster
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1903-10-04

mot the least Of the evils which exist
ed during the Civil War" said q certain
ex. Confederate, who was recently pro-
superb ability as listener, was our
lack of liquor here In Richmond. Some
times our thirst was grand, gloomy and
peculiar. Mind you, this was In the
carly stages Of the fight, too. but. even
then this vEllAnt eyes OF the revenue Of
flcials were on constant watch. Where
there are soldiers ono must BIO careful
about whiskcy. And where there are
soldiers, liquor is mighty apt to make It's
appearance by some hook or crook.
"One case In particular comes before
my minds eye, with delicious vividness."
said the superannuated warrior. The
Confederate soldiers on the gunboats be-
low Drewry's Bluff were about as arid
n bunch az one would care to see. They
used to say that they had regular desert
rimoons in their threats. But where
there la viii there is way-cspecially
when It comes TO procuring flrewater.
Those poor devils on the gunboats uti-
matcly got their larynxes irrigated and
in way that was absolutely laushable.
Few, II any of tho mon, who led the
lives OF captives on the bosom OF the
James wore allowed shore leave. Had
that been GRANTED them the liquor ques-
ton would soon have been solved. They
wcre kept penned UP like captives and
wasted their lives away. looking dscon-
solately at tho green shores on each side
Of the stream. Their only pleasure was
derived from the peddlcrs, who were al
lowed to come aboard the vessels to hawk
their wares-little articles OF luxury.
which represent great deal to people
when they can't get them.
Among these vendors was a certain old
countryman. who regularly came aboard
the gunboaB to sell eggs. First he would
20 to the officers quarters and then he
would wind NJ with the common every
day chaps The countryman invariably
appeared with two baskets OF eggs-one
on each ARMAND the understanding was
that the officers were to get the first
pick at the hen fruit.
TT was Observed however, that the
prtvates were not less glad to see the
+. . /. =
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1903-10-04
TALE OF THE BUSY=BODY
WHO FORCED HIS OWN FINISH


No. arrived with Mr.. Caraway's city
paper. If the steam cars happened to be
on time or Mr.. Caraway got one of Doc
Hiram would get through with his morn
Ing duties In time to play a couple of
games of checkers with Bud Timberlake
before going home to dinner. But If trade
happened to be slack at the Pillery Mr..
Caraway would kill time with the mould
ers Of public opinion, and, Of course,
Hiram would have to walt until he got
through absorbing the news. Also would
Mrs Hardcider have to keep dinner on
the back of the stove until Hubby could
get away. But this never made her the
least bit sore, for she knew perfectly
we'll that every man was apt to be I'M
avoidably detained down town.
After filing his grub bunkers and taxi
ing a hurried nap Hiram would rush
back to the business cent>> Of the station
and resume his labors. which consisted
largely of putting his fellow-ctizens wise
to the mismanagement Of things in gem
eral and municipal, State and national az
fairs in particular.
You see, 1t was this way: Hiram had
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1903-10-04

tell the planters that IL they sold their
cotton to them pesky Brokers they would
boost the price when there warnt no
more staple left to sell? And didn't cot
ton go scootin' UP just as soon as them
ornery scalaWaGs got 1t In their clutches?
But that is neither here nor there, His
ram had done lots Of other bright things
and really would have made his mark
had he had the time. More'n ever. he
Warn't no brag.
when Hiram had finished explaining to-
the Sagevillians how come him to know
that this country would never have
promise breakers in Washington hobnob-
bed with them Wall Street varmints, he
would get down to the real eXacting bus
mess OF the Gay-butting in.
After going to the Courthouse to see
whether old man Manderville had placed
any moro mortgages on Widow Filters
mules, and otherwise acquainted himself
fce Hiram would chase across to tho
depot to see what drummer came in on
the north-bound limited. His next reg
circulars from the Mail .Order Houses: BY
this time the sun would be down and he
would knock-off for the day and drag
he Would 0 crawl between the sheets to
rest his weary body for the heavy grind
Of the morrow
Hiram kept up this awful pace in spite
of Mrs. Hardcider's warnings that he
would work himself to DEATH, But. as
he said himself he had to be doing some-
thing all the time. 1t was his nature;
he couldn't help It,
In time, however, cruel fate handed him
an overdose of employment and he Went
down for full enumeration.
1t was thusly: A washout made 1t
necessary for the railroad TO rebuild the
bridge across Fox Hollow. which stands
nigh on to mile and a half from Sage.
VILE Hiram at once assumed that. 1t
was MP to him to visit the spot every day
to see that the work went on spick and
span. Right on top. of this measles struck
the town and 1t deyolved upon him to
make the rounds daily and hand out con-
ISOLATION to the panic-stricken mothers.
With all this new work on his hands.
Hiram had to hustle like Il hired man. For
a solid week he hung on and made the
rounds without a single miss; then ma
ture baked, and on the evening of tho
eighth day the old fellow gained his house
with faltering foot and trembling, frame.
sank into a chair, and to his Wife who
knelt beside him, he family whispered.
Good by, mamma, I'm gone" And poor
Hiram was no more.
Moral: Don't butt IN.
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1903-10-04

stith. who was sister OF Rev. William
Stith, the celebrated historian. and pres-
ident OF William and Mary College,
1752-'65, were the following. being the
third generation In descent.
LIST. Robert, born 1852, married 1905 Anne
Cooke. died 174s. Second stith; third. Ed
ward: fourth. Annie; fifth. Drewry; sixth,
Thomas, and seventh Agnes.
Issue OF Robert and Annie Cooke. being
fourth generation.
a. Mary. born l7os; married William
Starke
C2) Elisha. born 17os; married James Mum
ford.
(s) Annie, born 1ns; married John Hall.
"a Lucy, born l71s; married Peter Ran
dolph.
90 Jane, born 172e; married Hugh Miller
60 Martha, born 1925: married Richard
Eppes, Of Bermuda Hundreds.
o susanna born 12s; married Alexander
Boiling.
(s) Robert, born June II. 1880; died Feb
ruary "a, ITS
This latter child was the Colonel Robert
Boiling, of Revolution. to whom was
granted large tracts OF land by the
Crown most OF which were upon the
south side of James River. his country
seat, "Bolln.brook," being mentioned by
Colonel Byrd in 1928, as being within hear
ing of the falls OF the Appomattox River.
He 1t was, with Colonel Byrd. helped
to lay out the town of Petersburg, which
was upon his lands; also they both as
sisted In laying out the town OF Rich
mond, which was then mere village.
Colonel Boiling first married Martha.
sister of Colonel John Banister, of Bat
terson," N. c., who was of the CONT
mental Congress Of 177s-'70, and signed
the articles of confederation. She dying,
he married secondly, In 1858, Mary Mar
shall. daughter OF Colonel Tabb, of "Clay
HILL" Amelia county, BY this last mar
r,age were:
Robert Boiling. born 1850; married.
first, Mary Burton Boiling, his cousin,
daughter OF Colonel Robert Boiling, Of
"Chellowe." Married second, 1890 Cath
crime. daughter of Buckner Stlth, OF
"Rock Spring." Brunswick. Married
third, 1885, Sally. daughter OF Lawrence
and Eliza Washington, who died the
same year. Married fourth, 1907. Anne
Dade, only daughter of Buckner and
Anne Stlth, She died 1s46,
Colonel Robert Boiling built and resided
at his famous seat. "Center HILL In
Petersburg, so noted for It's hospitality
and for the many exciting events through
which 1t passed during the Revolution,
as well as the late Civil War, BY his
last marriage were:
1st Ann Robertson married John N.
Campbell D, D.. of Philadelphia
3D. Martha stith, married Martin
Slaughter, of Culpeper. Va.
3D. Robert Buckner, married 1881 sarah
Melville, only daughter OF John and
Sarah Minge of "sandy Point" Charles
City county.
4th, George W., married Martha. daugh-
ter of William Nichols. Of Georgetown
D. G.
The following are the issue of Robert
Boiling and Sarah Melville Minse, being
the seventh In generation from Robert
Boiling, the emigfant:
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1903-10-04

phia, who married in 1880 Leontine Hager-
dom, Of Bremen, Germany.
second-John Minge Boiling. who settled
in New York and married Madge Walker.
of Alabama.
Third-Townsend suth Boiling. who died
young.
Fourth-Dr. William Holt Boiling, mar
ricd Ida Force, of Kentucky.
Fifth-Stuart Boiling, married Lucy
Henderson, OF Lynchburg. Va.
Sixth-Bartlett Boiling, of Panorama"
near Charlottesville. Albemarle county,
Va, married Meta Stuart, daughter OF
Judge Charles c. Stuart, OF Alexandria,
Va, who died 1875
seventh-samuel NJ. Boiling. married
1872 Elizabeth Holcombe, daughter OF Hon.
crate Congress. 1ssl-'63; professor Of law.
University of Virginia and author of
many valuable works; died 1873.
Eirhth-Anna Dade Boiling. Ninth
Munra B. Boiling: both died young.
Nearly all of the above children have
passed away, Mr.. Bartlett Boiling being
the only ono OF the sons to survive.
John Boiling. son of the first Robert.
became Immensely wealthy and lived at
place called "cobbs," whore he died
1920. 1t then fell to his son, John. who
died there 1884, and was succeeded by
Thomas Boiling. This Tom had several
deaf and dumb children; these were sent
to England. and on their return, In 1888,
after the Revolution, such was their pro-
fciency that Major Thomas Boiling en-
ployed a professor from Edinburg and
established at "Cobbs" the first deaf and
dumb institute In this country.
The site of this celebrated spot was
about nine miles below Petersburg, on
the Appomattox. but no remains of 1t
Is now to be seen.
Boiling Hall" is another famous place
given by John Boiling to his son Thomas.
1t was situated on Bollng's Island, In
James River, five hundred acres of which
John Randolph of Roanoke said was the
richest spot on earth.
Tho Bolings have always been true
to the church of their forefathers. Col
one Robert Boiling was in the first
church convention in 1898, He was the
trustee of the church at Blandford Hill,
1915, and in 1897 trustee for building the
first Episcopal church In Petersburg,'
which was upon land he donated. His
son, Robert, of Center Hill, also gave
n lot for church on Old Street, besides
contributing five hundred dollars towards
lot on High Street, where Grace Church
now stands.
Truly the family has left name and
fame which Virginia need be proud of,
and In the coming jamestown celebration
should be honored by having the name
recorded among the noble founders of the
first cities In the "Old Dominion" which.
through fire and sword. have ever been
defended and upheld by the patriotic de-
scendants of Robert Boiling, the emisrant.
We present the Boiling arms, which are
engraved on the family silver, as brought
over by Robert Boiling, the emigrant.
ana are still to be seen in the church at
Bradford, Yorkshire, England, which sig
miles that the family had been benefac-
tors of the church, and had possibly built
IT, for which reason alone 1t was permitted
for family escutcheons to adorn churches.
Their arms are shield in the center of
which is small shield, called an ines
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1903-10-04

concealed my disappointment on learning
that 1t was the old countryman and not
the hens who was responsible for the
inebrlety OF the soldiers, besought the
ex Confederate to tell me some more
about war times, especially as I saw that
he was growing more and moro reminis-
cent with fourth swig of my apple
brandy.
"The best Of all my stories about snug
gled whiskey," said he, SIS unprintable.
He had noticed that was slyly fin
gering my pencil.
TT involves woman shop-keeper's In
genuity-a very large woman-her crino-
lines and hoopskirts and certain beef
bladders which were marvellously ar
ranged as receptacles for liquids" con-
tlnued the latter-day Boccaccio. But,
alas, cannot proceed. You are too young
and unsophisticated for the details. Let
your vivid. Munchaus mike lmagina-
ton build any story you please on the
hints have given you. The affair is his
torical but embarrassing. 1t had is eli
max with revenue officer near one OF
our bridges leading into Richmond from
Chesterfield"
Despite the fact that frequent allusion
has been made to the wonderful facility
with which the superannuated warrior
absorbed my apple brandy. do not think
1t Is a breach Of confidence for me to say
that my respected friend was q surgeon
in the Confederate service. 1t was in his
official capacity that he saw and heard
so many curious things Hero is the
story that the fifth NIP tonly two I'm
gers, howcver) Of my apple juice evoked.
BY story, however, 1t must not be under
stood that the things related are flc-
ton.
yes" resumed the old-timer, who
thinks that the products of orchards can
be utilized for other purposes besides
the manufacture Of pies, men would do
anything to quench their thirst In those
days. The Confederate officials here had
to Issue the most stringent rules to check
the intemperance which follows in the
wake OF most armies. and which is
natural concomtant Of military life and
rigorous discipline. At one time there
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1903-10-04

had whole basketful for sale. But.
strange to say, they were the eggs car
ried on his strong right arm-the best
OF the two lots, II you please. The Of
flcer, however, was perverse. He had
taken an idea into his head that the eggs
in the basket on the left arm looked
more seductive. But no. The old coun :
tryman could not sell those. They had
been engaged. They were already as
good as sold.
80 obdurate did the sly old peddler
become when the officer insisted on hav-
ing the eggs in the left.hand basket.
that suspicion was at once directed to-
wards those wares. And then-O horror
OF horrors!-the secret leaked out. Yes.
leaked out is tho word. When one OF
II G eggs was broken a sparkling amber
seuntan gushed forth and the air became
redolent with an odor which. though
often described In awful terms by tenn.
perance advocates, Is none the less de-
lightful to the nostrils Of tho average
man."
At this 1uncture, so fascinated had
become the recital of this strange, but
true story that checked the old soldier
in his "reminiscences and besought him
to tell me the kind OF hens which laid
tho eggs.l BY way of explanation and
apology added that wanted to get a
setting for my Town poultry, 80 that
could perpetuate the valuable breed Of
fowls.
But the superannuated warrior was
wound up and. waving his hand impa-
ticntly at me. he added: This is no
mythical yard like that tale about the
goose that laid the golden egg. The
hen-fruit am describing was 1t Is true,
the product Of certain noble Dominicker
pullets of Chesterfield, but would have
you to understand that they were tee
totalers. The whiskey got into the eggs
by artificial means. 1t was the old coun-
tryman who put It there and he hAl an
eye to business when he did so He had
merely extracted the contents OF the
eggs through a small aperture In one
end which was subsequently sealed up
with spcrmacct the substance from
which candles are made"
Although It was with difficulty that I
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1903-10-04

Once upon time there existed in the
fourishing city of Sagevllle a geezer of
the name of Hiram Hardcider.
Hiram was the star get Of one Of the
oldest families in the county, Of which
fact he was we'll aware.
While shedding his teens his mother
made him sit in the shade and keep
quiet so that he would not over-exert
himself and as consequence of this
heroic treatment he contracted a very
severe . case of let-me-tell-y -how-it
should-d e-done.
In due course of time Hiram met the
appropriate party and forthwith reduced
the enlargement of his heart by marrying
her. And although there was not lazy
bone about his. premises, Hiram had no
payday for the simple reason that he
was unable to locate eemploym.en II Just
complishments. So his wife took in sew
ing and gave music LESSONS to H la. HOOK n *
school and owned brand new upright.
Despite the fact that Hiram was a