Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1903-09-02
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S9."-Judge.
viola-why did they separate? Myr.
tle-Nobody knows. viola-How dread.
ful.--Judge.
Whats the trouble, willie?" said
Mrs. Brown to her small son, who was
crying. "AIy kite won't fly" sobbed
Willie, "and made 1t out of fy-paper,
too"
What are the last teeth that comeT'
asked school-teacher Of her class in
physiology. "False teeth, num-"
quickly replied one of the smaller pu-
pills.
Teacher-Now, Tommy, you know It
is Impossible to be in two places at
once. Tommy-Two places? Why,
pop is at Thousand Islands now.-ChI-
cago News.
Blink-"What kind of cigar is that,
old MANI" Blank-"It's called The
Soldier Boy" Blink-"H'm! no
tice 1t belongs to the s."-Chicago
Daily News.
He-"spendthrift' got himself in
pot of hot water" She-'Playing with
fire again?" He-"Yes; two Of his
flames met Inst night."-Woman's
Home Companion.
Miss Cable seems to be a pleasant
person to talk to-" Huh! she doesn't
seem to think So" "Why-er-how do
you mean?" "She seems to think she's
| n ploo Mt yoreo,, 10 lisfo,, 20,
Il wish to marry your daughter"
said the young man. The old man
was sensible old man. "Can sup
port you in the style to which you have
been accustOmedY' he asked.-Puck.
Old Maid (who wants portrait of
her dog)-"Do you take instantaneous
photographs here?" Photographers
Boy-"Yes, ma'am; run right in, and
he'll take 1t afore you're minute
older"
,Hundtswill-"It seems that in all
railroad accidents the first and last
cars are always. the ones that are In
1ured." O'Rourke-"sh ure, an won
der why they don't lave thin two cars
OF the train entoirely."
Young Bride pouting) Here we
have only been married two days.
Clarence, and you're scolding me al
ready" Husband-"I know, my dear;
but just think how long 1 have been
waiting for the chance. Tit Bits.
well, WELL" said the old lady living
Inland, when she heard that her favor
lite grandson was going to Europe, I'm
glad that it's now he's going to cross,
for it's been dry summer, and the
sea won't be SO deep as common"
This offer Of your heart and hand 10
very sudden" said the summer girl,
"but will take it." "Ahr' gasped the
swell dry goods clerk, badly ratified,
Twill you take it with you, or shall I
send it home Public
Ledger.
| Towne-He's very wealthy. Mrs.
Towne-Yes. and very stingy and eco
nomical. Towne-You don't know that.
You mustn't Judge man by his
clothes. Mrs. Towne- Certainly not:
I'm judging him by his wife's clothes.
Philadelphia Press. ~
Mrs. Newed-My husband, I regret
to say, is man Of very poor taste.
Miss Singleton Well, you ought to DO
thankful that such is the case. Mrs.
Newed-Why SO? Miss Singleton
Otherwise he would still be in the
bachelor class.-Chicago News.
| Chollie-"I went down to a rather In
formal affair last evening my deah
boy, and gwacious! was compelled
to witness sickening sight!' "Hor-
rors! What was it?'' "a fellow with
out evening dress eating breakfast
food for support Baltimore Herald.
Mamma-"Oh, you bad boy! Where
have you been all this time? Don't
you think you should be ashamed to
worry your mother so?" The Boy
well, mamma, I'm willing to be
4 ashamed that worried you IL you'll
promise not to tell pm anything that'll
worry me-"
She had been giving her class Of lit
tie girls a history of the Mississippi
River, and incidentally stated to them
that the word mississippi meant
Father of Waters" One of the small
est tots in the class, after hearing this
statement, raised her hand and said:
Miss johnson, if that name means
.Father of Waters why didn't they
Gull the river Mister Sippi?'
Mr.. Potts Ito his wife)-AIy dear,
the air is chilly. Fermez in fenetre.
The Visitor (sotto voce)-Why do you
ask your wife in French to shut the
window? Mr.. Potts (ditto)-Bec
YOU are here If 1 asked her in Eng
! lish she wouldn't do it, as she won't
4 take instructions from me before Wis
itors. But if l say it in French she
gets up and does it Mt once, SO as to
let you see that she understands the
anguage.-Pick-Me-U
4 "Ah," says the kind neighbor on the
9th of July, 81 am glad to see you
without scratch today. Willie.
Where are all your folks?" Papa 10
in the hospital" answers Willie, land
mamma is upstairs rubbing oil on her
blisters, and grandpa has gone to the
doctor to get his arm set again, and
Uncle John is down trying to find
something that will restore burned
whiskers." why, how did they all
get hurt?" "They all wanted to show
me how to light my pinwheels and
4 things"
A Telltale Envelope.
A genius has invented ah envelope
which records of itself any. attempt
to tamper with its contents. The flap