davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Middlebury register. (Middlebury, Vt.) 1886-1937, 1903-01-02

Mistress-Margaret have you
Young man waiting upon you?
Margaret-Yes, ma'am; but ne
won't bother you. His taste doesn't
run TO brunettes.-N. y. Herald.
Middlebury register. (Middlebury, Vt.) 1886-1937, 1903-01-02

lie NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. l think
am fool.
She (sweetly)-And at other times
YOU think you're exactly right.-Co'
lumbia Jester.
Middlebury register. (Middlebury, Vt.) 1886-1937, 1903-01-02
CLUB OFFERS.
Unequaled Newspaper Combina-
tons.

~ pc
tons.
Blade, one year ~ A'~C
The Register and the Thrice
a-week New York Tribune, S1 Nk
one year for pI'|C
The Register and the Thrice
a-week New York World, S1 az
one year for pI'Oc
The Register and the Boston
Evening Record, papers CD 90
week, one year for P~'OO
The Register and the Boston
Weekly journal, one year G1 kO
for W I.cO
The Register and The Mirror
and Farmer, one year for CI 40
The offers for the Boston Journal and
Daily Evening Record are good only in
Vermont.
These offers are special and may be
withdrawn or raised any time. Take
advantage of them NOW.
Address, THE REGISTER,
Middlebury, VI.
Middlebury register. (Middlebury, Vt.) 1886-1937, 1903-01-02
Camera Artis is.

He-So you think love is like q
Photographic plate. And why?
She Why, ii takes a dark room to
develop it.-Judge.
Middlebury register. (Middlebury, Vt.) 1886-1937, 1903-01-02

Gunner-Their attachment began in
a tennis court.
Guyer-Yes, and ended in divorce
court.-N. Y. Herald.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1903-09-05
SHARK MADE QUICK TRIP :

A prominent government official
who has returned from a visit to
Palm Beach, Fla, tells about seeing
a huge man-eating shark that was
captured at that place, says the New
York Tribune. 1t was. one of the big
gest sharks ever caught in Florida
waters and was evidently sailor of
many years. The animal measured
over eighteen feet in length, had ID
sword attachment that was as long
as an arm and was of the leopard
variety, stamping it as one of the
man-eating variety, dangerous beast.
The shark was caught by shark
fisherman. He used large rope for q
line and had a windlass as a reel. At
the end Of the line was huge steel
hook and this was baited with a large
bright tin can. The shark bit ut the
bait and was entrapped.1- He was
landed after the toughest time the
fisherman ever experienced. It was
the interior of the fish, however, that
excited the greatest interest. When
he was cut open whole porpoise was
found in the stomach. There was also
a large piece of partly digested shark
and the head of an ostrich. The
piece of shark inside the monster was
out of the back and contained the
backbone of the dead animal
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1903-09-05
WHY HE WAS SORRY

Mr.. Swiggard was deeply penitent.
You know, DOCTOR" he said to his
friend and pastor, Rev. DR.. Snow, Il
swore off from drinking anything in
toxicating last January?"
"Yes.'
''Well, have kept my VOW faith
fully all this tlme-until last night"
And then you fell?
II am sorry to say I did,"
Il am as sorry as you are. Tell me
all about it,
In moment of weakness I found
myself in front of a saloon. One of
my friends happened along. Come in
and have drink, old man. he said.
No I said. I've sworn off, That's
all right he said, grabbing me by the
arm. One drink won't hurt you. Come
in and get one drink, and then you
can renew your swearing off, I pro-
tested, but the next moment I found
myself inside, and the old thirst came
back l took one drink, and then an
other and another, and then my
friend proposed that we go out and
paint the town."
But you didn't do that?" inter
posed the DOCTOR
Il am sorry to say did. We Wis.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1903-09-05
VALUE OF NEW YORK REALTY.
,mense Sums Paid for Tracts in De.
sirable Localities.

Immense Sums Paid for Tracts in De.
sirabIe Localities.
Leaving aside the vast valuations
added to it by consolidation, the accu-
mutations of property on Manhattan
Island alone have been astounding.
Once sold in bulk for $24, the island
now has a tax valuation, real and per-
sonal, of $2,908, ,755,146. Its real estate
values have risen prodigiously from
the initial market quotation. I'M
mense sums have now to be paid for
tracts in desirable localities, as high
as $4OO per square foot having been
asked for sites in business sections,
making price of $1,000,00O for lot
rs by 100. Enormous fortunes have
been built up by the increment of real
estate values, the most striking ex-
ample OF these being the Astor es-
tate founded on %ext tensiVes purchases
of land when the latter could be had
for triaing sums. Like attracts like,
and so Manhattan is attracting TO it
makers of fortunes from all parts of
the country. No other city possesses
so many millionaires as does New
York, and their presence here is no
slight factor in the running up OF
property rights.-Leslie's Weekly.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1903-09-05
THE SEEKER AFTER TROUBLE

The really unhappy man, whose un.
happiness is his own fault, is the one
who is forever carrying "a chip upon
his shoulder" Perhaps his happl-
ness is his unhappiness, for when he
is not engaged in a personal alterca-
tion he is brooding over some fancied
slight and awaiting favorable oppor-
tunity to give vent to his wrath.
The man with the chip on his shoul-
der is easily recognized, and his So
ciety by wise people is carefully avoid
ed. He can go nowhere without trou-
BILE following in his wake. If he at
tends a theater he is either annoyed
by the usher or someone in the audi
ence, or at the man in the box Office
for not having sold him seat bought
long before he appeared at the win
dow. He is the bane of the car con-
ductor, and on the railroad, train he
succeeds in embroiling himself in
row with the brakeman; conductor,
Pullman-car por ter and the passengers.
Each flying cinder from the locomo-
tive is aimed especially at his eyes,
and he succeeds in stirring up the
spirit of mutiny in the hearts Of the
travellers. ,T<< -. =. = = ..-. !, III. ~
There are some women similarly
~
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1903-09-05

"A careful examination showed that
the backbones were larger than the
Of the captured shark. A
number of scars on his body showed
that he had been in conflict with an
other shark and the finding of a piece
OF the adversary showed that the
conflict had ended in the death of the
opponent; that the victor had then
swallowed juicy portion of his ad-
versary. The presence of the ostrich
head in the stomach of the man-eater
was regarded as undoubted proof that
the shark had probably just arrived
IN Florida waters from Africa, and
that he had made the trip in two or
three days. The head was not digest
ed and the process Of digestion had
only just begun. There is only one
ostrich farm in Florida and when that
institution was communicated with
the owners said that they had not lost
an ostrich in year. The ability of a
shark to pass a fast steamer in one
minutes time is we'll known to trav-
.elers, and there is no doubt that the
shark had been in African waters and
had captured stray ostrich or the
head of one that had been killed and
then started across the Atlantic,
reaching the Florida waters before
the ostrich head had begun to digest.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1903-09-05

Four of. the men called her little
woman" and entreated her to be. calm.
Two said, 'There, there" and
looked at each other and asked hag'
gardly, If she was quite dead.
One put his arm around her tenta
lively, not sure that the corpse
wouldn't sit up suddenly and smite
him for his temerity.
s Another called: the servant man who
had appeared in answer to his urgent
calls "blundering idiot" because he
didn't understand what was wanted
when he was told to run for the
nearest nat without any DOCTOR"
j This sounds quite like an army OF
men, but in reality it was only si1
active ones who did all these things
And just as they were HI despair q
woman came into the room. She took
in the situation at a glance, and gave
her orders coolly. LET her lie down,
said she, "and stand from around her
so that she may get some air. She'll
be all right in minute. Take away
that whisky and let me have the wa
ter. There you are"
And there she was, sitting up and
blinking.
Yes, it's just as DR.. What's-Her
Name says, men are more emotional
than women.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1903-09-05
THE D. FOOL VOTE.
How Champ Clark Won Precinct by
!: Daring .Reloinder.

How Champ Clark Won Precinct BY
..- Daring Reloinder.
Congressman Champ Clark usually
manages to take pretty good care Of
himself, whatever the circumstances
During one Of his campaigns in Miss
ouri he struck an exceptionally hos.
tile neighborhood. He had been sub
jected to several Interruptions, and
finally a burly fellow strobe down to
the front of the platform and said:
"Say, you're a D. fool, and every.
body here knows it,"
Clark's face actually became radf
ant at this announcement. He leaned
over, and before the bewildered spec
tator who had hurled the epfthet
could think, seized his hand and
wrung it warmly. Then, facing his
audience squarely, said:
'"The remark of my friend here has
given me renewed encouragement. II
before l. had any shadow Of doubt as
to my success, he has dispelled it, fol
If L poll the full d. fool vote OF
this precinct, will be elected by q
rousing majority - =
Clark afterward said he knew he
was, taking long chances. But the au
dtence went wild over the rejoinder
and the Congressman really did carry
the precinct when election day rolled
around.---Baltimore Herald. IT,, {
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1903-09-05
His EXPLANATION.

Il find you are an attractive fellow,
Dickie, you know" she had just re-
marked, brushing his hair with the
lace of her sunshade, 'but, really, such
a splendidly built young man ought to
be ashamed to lie abed till all hours
instead of being out taking exercise"
"Oh, say" he answered, don't be
hard on chap. Fact is, it's the gov
ernor who's responsible for my lazi-
ness"
"How's that?" queried she.
"Why, you see, it's this way. The old
boy got an idea into his noddle some
time ago that was drinking too much,
and wanted me to swear off. Couldn't
do that, you know, so we compromised
on the basis of my not drinking till
dinner time"
Really, Dickie," she laughed, Il
don't see what that has to do with it. >"
"You dont?" he asked, sitting bolt
upright. If a man can't drink until
dinner, what's the use of getting up
until dinner time?"
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1903-09-05
The Prisoners Thanks.

FIR. Black, the English clergyman
whose letters to the newspapers
caused the Bishop of London to de-
nounce the marriage of w. K. Wander
bilt and Mrs. Rutherford, visits the
London prisons weekly, and tries to re-
form the prisoners.
In this good work he is often sue
cessful Sometimes. though, he has
odd experiences. A religious paper told
recently how, on one occasion, he de-
voted a fortnight to the reformation
of housebreaker and how the house
breaker said to him gratefully at the
end of that time:
Thank you, sir, thank you for what
you have done for me. There was a
time when knew nothing of God or
of the devil, but somehow you have
made me love them both. ."-Detroit
News-Tribune.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1903-09-05
METROPOLIS A BIG CITY

To realize how great New York
city is one should compare 1t with the
great cities Of antiquity. Those great
centers Of civilization which have
claimed the wonder of the ages or
their size and splendor, were really
small cities compared with Greater
New York.
Babylon, whose name has come to
be synonymous with dense popula-
ton, never had over 100000 inhabi-
tants in it's palmiest days.
Rome, the mistress of the world,
the great city to which all roads led,
Rome the Eternal" did not exceed
100000 in population. Gibbon, in
deed, believes that it had only 1,20O,-
900, and in this estimate he and Mil
man agree.
Constantinople, at the time of it's
greatest splendor as capital of the
eastern empire, had population of
about 100000. Many of the other
celebrated cities of antiquity were
mere villages compared to New York,
not containing within the whole cir
cult of their walls as many people as
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1903-09-05

constituted, who manage to be in trou.
BILE from the moment their eyes open
in the morning. till they close them
in sleep. Those people are indeed to
be -pitied, if indeed they are not cor
daily hated. This quarrelsome habit
of mind can be so fostered that the
petulancy grows to be a malignant
disease and leads sometimes to the
insane asylum. Parents who notice
in their children this fretful, quarrel.
ing disposition can easily find rem
edy. They may not agree to the meas.
ure-simplyj good; sound thrashing.
Everyone has heard of the story Of
the child who was continually whim-
pering and squarreling. In despair the
mother cried: "Are you sick? What
do you want?", Gravely the child an.
swered: Il think, Mamma, I want q
whipping : She received the whip
ping, and there was q marked i'm
provement in her temper.-San Fran
cisco Post. ,.:' { ~ ~;-s En- =.z
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1903-09-05

hility. Nothing causes incompatible
ity like feminine inqusitiveness. What
a happy masculine world we should
have without it! Divorces granted
with or without publicity or sent by
mail on receipt of return postage. l,
as the originator of the scheme to be
retained as permanent counsel for the
husband in the numerous cases of
Bluebeard VS.. Bluebeard, which we
may reasonably expect to arise. Ali
mony and counsel fees to be paid by
the wife-I understand that you have
a chronic affinity for heiresses.
II am sure this plan would suit the
ladies better than the methods at
present in vogue, and it might even
have some advantages as far as you
are concerned. 1t might relieve your
conscience you have any"
'|Well, I'll think it over,' said Blue
beard, "but I can't give you much en-
couragement. I have my own ways
of doing things and they suit me-"
And the lawyer called many times
after that, but Bluebeard always said
there was nothing doing-William E.
McKenna. in New York Times.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1903-09-05

Once upon time, not very long
after the now famous Bluebeard had
embarked on his interesting matri-
monial career a country lawyer call
ed upon him and requested an inter-
view.
What is your business?" inquired
Bluebeard, gruffly.
Alas! I must confess that l
haven't any business. I am looking
for some. Let me explain. Your pen
chant for alternating as widower
and bridegroom has excited consid-
erable comment in this neighborhood,
not altogether of complimentary
character; l may say that dark sus-
picions are abroad. Some people go
so far as to say that something ought
to be done.
Now, 1 have a little scheme to
put an end to all this. Why not es-
tablish a divorce court? Divorces to
be granted on application by either
party-I fancy that any lady who
wishes to get in her application ahead
of yours will have to start early in
the honeymoon. Cause, incompati-
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1903-09-05

live in one ward of Manhattan.
Athens, when she led the Greek. states
in repelling the invasion of Xerxes,
had only $4,000 inhabitants, but Hero
dotus speaks of this number as if it
was something to boast of. Jerusa-
lem in the days of Solomon probably
did not contain 10000 people, and
Thebes and Memphis would have
been only populous suburbs of New
York.
New York city now contains more
people than there were in the Ameri-
can colonies when they achieved their
independence. It has 100000 more
inhabitants than the kingdom of
Greece, over 100000 more. than the
kingdom of Servia, is nearly equal in
population. to the kingdom of Portu-
gal, and also lacks not much of equal
ing the kingdom of Holland. 1t has a
larger population than any one Of
the Central American republics, and
more than any South American ma
ton, Brazil and the Argentine repub-
lie excepted. It has about twice the
population of Denmark and more than
twice that of Norway.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1903-09-05

case of the animal or vegetable, ex
listing gold has existed in some othel
state before assuming its presen,
form. Waters which percolate
through the earth's crust are said tt
contain substances from which gold
is formed. Thus gold, like the anima
and vegetable, must have water in
order to thrive. The gold in the wa
ter is deposited when it meets the
proper precipitant. The precipitant
may be an, earth current of electricity
in the rocks. - - 49,: a. !.
It has Deen claimed that the mug
gets found in placers are the forma
tions from the waters that percolate
through the gravels and are not from
decomposed quartz, as generally sup
posed. Those who SO: contend. cite
the fact that in the center Of nuggets
can often be found q small grain Of
iron sand. This was the nucleus
around which the earth current OF
electricity created or deposited In
electroplating. During long ages this
influence was at work causing the
gold to form: around the little grain
OF iron ore and then grow to become
a bright, shining nugget of gold much
larger and 'purer than any ever found
in the veins of Chicago Chron
icle.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1903-09-05
MEN IN AN EMERGENCY

The woman tainted, and these are
some Of the things that the half-dozen
men in the room with her did, says
the Baltimore News.
Two Of them made a dash for the
dining room to get water, and fell
over each other at the door of that
apartment.
One fastened to neighboring drug
store for mixture of vichy and am.
monia.
One appeared suddenly with a glass
of whisky, obtained no, one knows
where.
In endeavoring to raise the gas two
able-bodied and excited masculinesput
it out and left the party in total dark.
ness for at least q minute, while every
one of them fumbled in his pockets
for match.
Four men famed the invalid with
music, handkerchiefs, hats or what.
ever was to hand.
One held pot-pourri jar under her
nose under the mistaken impression
it would be reviving in it's effec6,
though it wasn't.
Another said, Here, dear,' and
tried to wipe her brow with a fan he
held, instead of the handkerchief that
was in his other hand.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1903-09-05
Repartee in Church.

Repartee in Church. = : -
The friendly and familiar atmos-
phere of the average small rural West
ern church some times gives rise I to
embarrassments. DR.. David is a prom
inent man in little far Western
church, and he generally takes quiet
little doze during the sermon. Sister
Sarah is an elderly, long -winded .wo.
man, who likes to aexhort'' - after the
preacher has concluded his remarks.
Not long ago, at q night service, Sis
ter Sarah arose and discourseds at
great length. The listeners became
visibly restive. DR.. David also arose
and said, bluntly: " z. < .... =. rs
Sister Sarah. It would be All I'm.
position to detain this congregation
any longer .%. e! s.
With flashing eyes Sister Sarah re-
torted: ;sz s.sz1.@ D NJ.
:. 8 "Taint no impersition ON you, doc
tor; you've tuck your nap. 2 :s5i :zss56s= I
Then the clergy with uplifted
hands said benignly: q us s:bs dis.
missed. 1ndianapolis Journal
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1903-09-05
SEPTEMBER =

tied every saloon in that part of
town, getting drunken and drunker and
having an uproarious time. But we
weren't satified with that. We went
to swell establishment that seemed
to be a. saloon and restaurant com.
bined, and ordered a champagne sup
per. The waiter brought it on, and
we we're about to begin on it, when
something happened"
What was it,"
Il woke up"
''Then it was all a dream?"
1T was"
"And you hadn't broken your VOW"
II hadn't been near saloon. Hadn't
touched a Drop"
"Ah, well, then you haven't any
thing to repent of, my friend, and you
have been exciting my commiseration
on false pretenses and amusing your.
self at my expense"
mo, l haven't DOCTOR" said Mr..
Swiggard, wiping the perspiration
from his brow. "The worst is to
come. l confess to you, doctor, IL
can't help feeling sorry, even yet,
that woke up before had tasted a
drop of that champagnc"-Utica
Globe.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1903-09-05
HAD NO THOUGHT OF SUICIDE.
Clerk at Gun Counter Had Sized His
Customer Up,

Clerk at Gun Counter Had Sized His
Customer Up.
A seedy looking customer, with an
Arkansas mustache, a Wild West
beard of three days growth and an
Indian Territory look in his eye was
buying six-shooter, in an uptown
tirearm store, says the New York
Press.
This one is $4.75," said the clerk,
and it's good gun for the money
Cant you come down a little on
that?' queried the buyer, looking up
under his shaggy eyebrows and rusty
sombrero- Being answered in the neg
at1Ve, he paid the price, thrust the
gun loosely into trousers pocket, got
supply of cartridges and went out.
Il don't care what he does with that
gun," carelessly remarked the clerk.
but l know very well he has no in
tention of suicide. He wouldn't have
cared anything about the price, if he
had. He says he boards on the Bow.
cry; place is tough looking, but the
best he can afford, and he wants the
gun to protect himself. I'm quite sure
anyway, there's no idea of suicide run.
ming through his head. Folk of that
sort are easy to pick out They have
an eager, excited manner that gives
them away, and they are mostly wo-
men, too. I refused to sell a gun to
one only the other day. Oh, there's
not so very many of them, but it's
dead easy to know them when one
has little experience