Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1903-02-21


day and by night, says the New York
World. He has averaged a dinner a
week since the new year.
From an occasional speaker he has
become an indispensable. As soon as
the POSTMASTER introduces him the
guests begin to smile, before he is half
through they are in paroxysms of
daughter, and by the time he sits down
they are reduced to helplessness.
Financial kings, clothing men, re-
formers, hotel men or police captains
it doesn't matter a bit to the genial Mr..
Ford C'Sunny Sim') who his audiences
are. He makes merry with all just the
same.
Admiral Beresford, whom he ventur-
ed to Iampoon the other night, first
looked startled, then amused and final
ly resigned himself to uncomfortable
laughter. Ford" the jolly admiral
told the humorist afterward, I'D like
to keep you in the top drawer of my
desk and take you out once a day"
Mr.. Ford's business is keeping a no.
tel, and humor is only side line. He
fell into it accidentally and surprised
himself that he was thought to be
funny. His first accidental hit caused
him to get another invitation, and since
then his reputation has beeA progress
sive, but he has steadily persisted in
giving out his humor only in the form
of after dinner speeches. He has de-
clined glittering temptations to be
humorous writer.
1.-The secret of success in after dinner
speaking" he said to the writer, sis
something subtle in the fellow. One
man can tell you n story and it will
bore you to DEATH; another fellow tells
it and you laugh till your sides ache,
though you may have heard it Il thou
sand times. 1t is personal magnetism"
Mr.. Ford is not a humorous looking
person. The solemnity of his appear
ance suggests a country deacon. He
is thin and angular, with u long narrow
face and head, and close cropped red
dish brown beard, with pensive eyes
that mirror deep reflections upon the
destiny of man.
"Oh, Lordy!" said Mr.. Ford with a
gesture of despair when asked to tell
the story of his success as an after
dinner speaker. He sat down on the
if to recover from the shock of the sug-
gestion. I'm so heartily sick and tired
of this whole speaking business that
wish I'd never heard of it. oh, yes. I've
made a good many speeches-more
than half a dozen this year, although 1
promised my wife 1 wouldn't make but
one-the one to the hotel men. She
thinks they get on my nerves. and they
do.
st don't know why people think I'm
funny" The humorist gazed out as if
to find the answer in the subway
framework that obscured his view. Il
suppose it's the solemnity of my APP
pearance-I don't know what else. I'm
certainly not good looking person. l
know people don't burst into screams
of laughter at what 1 say when talk
to them. On the contrary, I'm the
poorest kind of talker, and seem to
subtract all there is of beauty from a
subject when 1 discuss it. I'm the most
humdrum talker yeu could imagine.
''Why is it they laugh at me when
get up? / give it up. l try not to tax
their minds with statistics or give them
too much information. The average
American at a dinner is not cunning
for information. The fellow with
long table of statistics is tolerated, but
i don't think he adds to the general
sum of gayety. / recall a dinner where
1 sat between ]. Pierpont Morgan and
Frederick d. Tappan, and the postmas-
ter general or some other notable was
Il speaker. He made one of those reg
ular Washington speeches You know
that sort.
Gentlemen he said, do you realize
that this country produces two and
two-seventh times as much hemp as
all the countries of Europe combinedY
And he went through the whole table
with great earnestneSs. Mr.. Tappan
leaned over to Morgan and said, Nor
gan, the postmaster general has q great
memory for figures Huh" grunted
Mr.. Morgan. Nobody knows whether
he's right or not, and nobody gives
darnp
MY first speech Mr.. Ford said,
with reminiscent CLINT in his PARKWAY
eye, was when my friend Boldt opened
the Waldorf. That was twelve years
ago. BoIdt heaped Goals of fire on the
heads of us fellows, who had been pre-
dieting that he was doing a foolish
thing by inviting us to a luncheon-all
the hotel men. John X. Fellows, real
speaker, had been selected to speak for
the hotel men. Somehow Fellows
failed to come, and they turned to me
and said: 'Foro, you'll have to speak.
Bad as you are, you're the best speak
er here and you'll have to do it. l did.
and they seemed to like it. They laugh
ed at it. When the hotel mems dinner
came around. they all said l had to
speak, and I've been at it ever since,
but not so bad as here lately.
stage fright? Many times. getting
IN before an audience. have felt as if
1 were going to faint. The worst ex-
perience 1 ever had was when 1 went
down to Washington to be funny be-