The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1903-10-10

There are some things necessary to a
towns advancement and some things
that the town would be better off with
out, but they can not be shaken off, and
IN this day when Judge Lyneh's court
IS bereft of power there seems to be no
legal, means of disposing of one of the
latter, the Village Pest. who sticks
closer than a mustard plaster and can
not be shaken Off
There never was a town of the first
second, third, fourth or whistling station
class that did not have one of these.
Topeka has one; many perhaps but
there is one who can be told about who
is a Village Pest pure and simple. He
is omnipotent
If you drop into the barber shop by
8 o'clock in the morning you will see
him there,-there to read the morning
papers that he does not subscribe for.
Heard a man was run over by a train
last night" he will remark as he steps
up TIC the water cooler in the shop and
gets a glass of water
How did it happen ~ will ask some
innocent persons who doesn't know how
foolish the Village Pest is and what
silly bit of nonsense seems a joke with
him.
why, the man was under a bridge
when the train went across the Pest
will answer and laugh as if he had
really delivered himself of a witticism
that should go down in history.
He seats himself in, the easiest chair,
reads the paper and watches the front
window for a passer by whom he can
waylay and receive an invitation to
smoke If this Pest wants a hair cut,
which he does twice year, ne VIII
very likely go to some other barber
shop than the one where he loafs When
he shaves, which is not often, he scTapes
himself.
"I see that wheat is going up" the
Pest says to the grain dealer who
comes in to get shaved.
The Pest talks as if he owned three
elevators full of wheat and had a few
thousand bushels piled up on the
ground. In reality if it took but three
side of your collar to make you feel I'M
comfortable about the waistband, the
Pest couldn't do it.
The Pest hasn't wheat. nor anything
else marketable; all he has is gall.
After he has Oestered all the BARRIERS
and perhaps made a few customers SC
mad that they will not return to the
shop again, he saunters out. to some
place where work is going on. Not
that he may work. but that he may
watch others He Is very liable to in
| form the foreman of a street car track
| laying gang that the work is not being
done right, and he may offer few val
liable suggestions as to the methods
/
doesn't know anything about street cal
| tracks: not even what can be learned
from riding on the cars occasionally
for, he would walk three miles rather
| than pay car fare.
About noon he may be loafng in
front of some restaurant waiting for
an invitation to dinner. He can &c
home and eat what his wife has worked
hard to prepare while the Pest has
been ioafing, but he would rather be
invited to dine by some one so that
during the afternoon he can say, q
just had dinner with So-and-So at his
Invitation" His invitations never come
| twice from the same person.
There ere few things the Pest will
| do occasionally. He will act as special
| policeman on great occasions: act as
| bailiff of a court: take tickets at the
fair or winter circus. and occasionally
he consents to act as pail bearer sc
as to get ride to the cemetery and
back in a hack.
The Pest is utterly worthless as g
special policeman. for if he were need
| ed he would have an urgent call in ar
| opposite direction. He likes to be a
| bailiff, for there is absolutely no work
and some pay. Taking tickets suits
him. for he is sure the job won't last
long.
| To see him walk down the street you
might might possibly, if you didn't know him
large part of the sidewalk and he button.
4 holes everyone he can stop.
He drops into the barber shop early iI
the afternoon so that when the carrier
delivers the evening paper he can get il
before any of the BARRIERS or customers
do. Sometimes he is kind enough to con
sent to divide the paper with the proprie-
| tor of the shop.
meeting. if there is one, and he seems K
| be lobbying. but he isn't. He's really
trying TO get the councilman from hi:
ward to get him city job where hi
won't have to work and where he car
draw godd pay. OF course he never get:
| 1t.
The Village Pest is about the mos
worthless creature in the city. You car
boil water and rid it of germs. The streets
can be swept and sprinkled and dus
| avoided. The obstreperous are quieted b.
| the police, but there is absolutely no rem
| edy for the Pest evil.
If some famous scientist would stol
hunting the means of killing germs am
would give attention to a sure cure ant
permanent eradicator that towns coult
! use to eliminate the Village Pest, such
Il fhA ana1 -