Arizona republican., 1903-06-14
A DOCTOR ON GROWING OLD.

The nightbell rang Mingling at first with my dreams as I sleep profoundly it slowly disentangles itself and a sec ond pull rouses me to consciousness
 lie in bed with limbs of lead. my body a dead weight. my head alone is alive, and is consciously myself"
 Yes, that's just it. The body is a weight because it is dead not mead permanently nor conveniently. but IT death be the final separation of the body and spirit. I am conscious that that separation has begun. In short, l am growing old.
 I well remember how different 1t was only a few years ago. There was no cleavage, however minute. between body and spirit then. If a bell reused me out of sleep. l sprang up that in- stant out of bed. instinct with life, my brain no more alive than my body, and the whole-myself. l was whole, and had no consciously defined parts.
 Now. how different! The ego, the individuality at any rate, as l lie here on waking seems to have retired into the brain and left the body dead ma chine. not myself into which I feel the power pTOptlieu IIOIl liiS brain slowly and even painfully enter ing The cleavage has begun and death ! itself is merely it's completion. A sur prising fact is the enormous weight the body becomes the moment it ceases to be part of the ego" l was conscious of no weight at all in legs or body as long as they were myself and har- monious whole: but now-the legs seem modelled in lead, and form furrows in | the bed; and as I try to lift them l | understand the enormous amount Of | leverage required l have no thought ! of paralysis I know they will move when the power enters; but 1t has to enter. an apparently inert mass; and | this entry. moreover. is d matter of distinct effort still My head forces my | body into its clothes as a nurse would dress a somewhat wooden child. l | have to go out to see q patient, and as | l walk along I propel my legs altern- l ately and consciously. I don't drive | them like horses, but rather propel l them like the cranks of cycle As l pro- ceed. however. the cleavage seems gradually 10 disappear. and as I re- turn from the sick bed l am once more a unity-legs, arms. body. head The man is alive, and not merely the head All this will be dismissed by the su- perficial reader as the normal process in waking, but it is not so There is a profound difference of deepest psycho- logical and physiological meaning be- | tween what I have described and my l waking under the same circumstances years ago
 I am now 56 and have lived a steady temperate life, am in good physical and mental health, and neither under nor over worked. The commencing cleav- age is the beginning of that process
 which, slowly continued-barring acci-
 dents and disease-will end in natural
 death; an end to life that only comes
 to one in ten in this country I am
 growing old. But there are other
 signs. I am conscious of a loss oi
 elasticity. If I jump down a little
 height. or run down hill, or stride over
 broken ground. I find l come down tC
 my fee and legs with increased
 weight Solidity seems to have re-
 placed elasticity with a resulting jar II am somewhat suffer in all my move ments, though very slightly so. There
 are, of course, certain changes in my
 body. The elastic tissue is not so elas-
 tic, but l am conscious that this is no
 all
 The bottom reason seems to me to bt
 that my feet and legs are no longer ar
 inseparable part of myself as formerly
 are not, so to speak, so highly vital ized; but are more wooden. more lik,
 supports to the body than parts of it , With all this. my brain and mind seen
 brighter, If not brisker Reason burn with less smoke and clearer flame.