Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1903-02-19
STORIETTES.

OH uICudrus TOWeli, the tHlucnt
English physician, is noted for his
frankness in speaking his mind with
out regard to the social position Of his
patient. Once, when he was called to
prescribe for the Duchess of Man
chester, he ordered her to disrobe.
"But, Sir Richard, l haven't my maid
here" she said; to which the baronet
retorted: Madame, have no inten'
tion of examining your maid"
Frederic I. Crowset, in his volume,
Musicians Wit, Humor and Anec.
dote," says that when the famous
Strauss first visited America, musical
women went wild over him, and to-
ward the end Of the season the king
of waltz music" was showered with ap
plication for hair. In due course oil
time the locks were distributed-many
hundred of them, too, each one accom-
panied by the compliments of the
composer. Sufficient hair was sent
out to make Strauss look as though he
had been sandpapered, yet when he
left this country his locks were as
abundant as ever. But when his beau
tiful black retriever (Strauss was
great dog fanCier) took its departure
the animal looked like a shorn poodle
A story ia going the rounds Of
youthful minister who, when he
preached his first funeral sermon over
awoman in a small Maine town, praised
her so highly that the poor bereaved
husband, sitting there listening, could
not recognize her by the description
Finally, in a glowing peroration he
pictured God and the archangels and
the angels and all the hosts Of the re
deemed joyously forming a parade to
welcome to heaven this "one of the
very best Of all women" The patient
husband, who had never been able tc
rule his own household, could stand 1t
no longer, and, leaping up, interrupt
ed the preacher with reckoning
hand, gasping out: mo, no. elder;
not quite that! She was only bout
middlin'"
newly married couple recently
sauntered leisurely around Statuary
Hall in the Capitol at Washington, D.
c., trying hard to appear unconscious
Stopping on one of the echo stones to
gaze at a new statue, they were spied
by two youthful pages looking for a
joke. One of the pages hurried to an
other echo stone, and in a whisper
asked: When did you get married."
The couple looked at each other. and
then all around the hall, but could dis
Germ no one. The bride blushed, and
the young man looked miserable
Presently again came the mysterious
quection: when did you get mar.
ried?" Awe stricken and looking eX.
tremely foolish, they fled from the
hall. to the intense amusement of the
mischievous pages.
Senator Hoar relates this anecdote
of his friend, the Rev. Joseph Erskine,
of Edinburgh: cat one time in his
life, Mr. Erskine lost handkerchief
after handkerchief. He found, on in
vestigation, that it was on Sunday
these losses occurred. and, according
ly, one Sabbath morning Mrs. Erskine
sewed his handkerchief in the tail
pocket of his coat. MOO said she
moo lat us see what will happen Mr.
Erskine, with the sewed handkerchief.
passed down the aisle of the church
that morning as usual to ascend to the
pulpit but as he sailed by the amen
corner he felt a gentle tug behind, a
delicate nibble among his cOattails.
TnereupOn he turned on the disap
pointed old woman in the corner, and
said. with a triumphant smile: No
the day, honest wuman, no the day.
In his "Recollections, Aubrey de
We're tells OF an Irishman he met in
Switzerland. with whom patriotism
was so truly mania that every word
in praise Of the scenery about him
seemed a distinct aspersiOn on the
land of his birth. What can you COM
pare here?" he demanded, with the
mountains of Wicklow" Perhaps"
said a traveller, "one might name the
mountains of the Mont Blanc range"
"Oh," he replied, scornfully, they're
out of all reason! | am after walking
along the Chamouni Valley for three
days, and l only saw four of those
mountains. Sure, in Wicklow I'd have
counted as many as eight of them IN
three hours" Have you seen this
wonderful waterfall within half mile
OF us?" 81 have not seen 1t, and | am
not going to see it. Didn't l see the
O'Sullivan Cascade at Killarney!
Down it comes from such height that
you don't know where it comes from
Down it plunges. laundering and bel
lowing, sometimes black as ink, and
sometimes white as milk, dashing it
self against the right-hand rocks anc
smashing itself against the left-hanc
rocks. What is your Handeck Fal
compared to that?" Some persons
would say" was the reply, chat the
waterfall here is about ten times a:
high and six times as broad "Ah
then" said he, with an added note o
scorn. then the O'Sullivan Cascade Il
not big enough for you. And tell mt
this now: Couldn't you take a magni
flying glass to it?"
Nervous Old LADY, hope you
horse is quiet, cabman. What's sh
laying back her ears like that for
look!" Cabby (complacently)-"Oh
that's only her feminine curiosity
mum. She likes to hear where She
a-goin' to-"
CaIifcrnia-LoW Rates.
Beginning February 18th, the M, Il
~. 49,