The Birmingham age-herald., 1903-04-12
HHooo ELL, sir" said
 NIAH MT. Dooley, T
 \NAW see be tn pa d6 apers that tn

A S apers that tn American ambassadure to Rooshya has invinted unyform fr himsilf. It's a plain unyform, but nate. A chapeau with a long graceful feather in 1t, a broadcloth coat very full in tn basque an thrim- med with American eagles in goold, vest iy tn same mateeryal, pantaloons iv pale blue with dillycate goold sthripe four inches wide on tn outside seam, wan hip an two side pockets, thirty chest, forty-five waist. Tn ann bassadure will carry hankerchief iv tn star spangleu banner with tn rifle arms in a corner an will wear upon his shirt front tn device: 'E plooribus unum. Amer ican ambassadure. Use no hooks
 What does he want with uny- form anyhow" asked MT. Hen messy.
 Well, it's a long an sad story said MT. Dooley Bear with me while I tell It ye or do not, as ye please. I'll tell 1t annyhow. Ye sec in tn arly days iv this raypublic, no wan cared what an ambassa- dure wore so long as 1t had pockets enough to carry away what he got f'r his beloved coun- thry firm tn effect monarchies " tn ol wurruld. I've seen pitchers n IyIt .rrhn that thick with Looey, king iy France, that he cud call on him amy hour iv tn day or night, an Binjamin Franklins unyform was a fur cap an pair iy specs. In thin simple days whin tn fa- thers iv tn raypublic wanted to sind man abroad to skin a king, they put their heads together an picked out a good, active thrav- ellin' salesman kind iv man. Tn fathers iv tn raypublic was mostly in tn fish He business an knew tn cap'ble men in thrade. Who'll we sind to Fr-rance?' says Thomas Jefferson. This here matther iv tn Loosyany purchase has got to be delicately handled or we won't get all tn best iv 1t, he says. I suggest Obadiah Perkins iy New burypoort, says lawn Adams. Has he had amy diplomatic. ex- peeryence?' says Pathrick Hin nery. T wanst see him sell barl iv tin-pinny nails to a lady that come to tn store to buy pound iv sody crackers, says lawn Adams. He's our man, says all th' others, an Obadiah Perkins got tn job. He packed a collar an an exthry pair iv socks in a bag, took along a copy iv tn West minsther Confissyon an an in- threst table fir inference, pro- visioned himself with fine cut an started out. At eight o'clock he landed in Farce; at eight-eight he knocked down a coort cham berlain an jawnnydarm an landed in tn lap iv Loeey tn Magnifcent-but-Tired. At nine o'clock tn monarch had given him a goold watch, jooled snuff case a finger ring an soord, nad signed a deed thransferrin' tn Change All Aisy to tn American people who have owned 1t to this day, an was in fits iv laughter over a story about Silas Cooper iv Salem which Ambassadure Oba- diah tol' him in tn perfect Fr-rinch he had picked up from tn cook iv tn ship goin' over. Afther that Obadiah was all right. He had his feet under tn kings mahogany iyry day at dinner an on tn mahogany most iv tn rest iv the time He inthrajooced rockin' cnairs in tn rifle palace an taught tn Fr-rench nobility how to rock without fallin' out. No wan cared how he dhressed. He attinded tn coort rayciptions in a jumper an leather brooches wan day an tn nex' day all tn nobility includin' tn king come in jumpers an leather brooches. He blowed in his tay to make 1t cool an afther that all tn Fr-rinch arrystocracy cud be seen blowin' into their tay He wore hat that had shtud him in good stead through tin hard winters on th'