Virginia citizen. (Irvington, Va.) 1891-1921, 1903-02-20

SlIlZEN ulu not go oack-IOr winch
there is not the slightest reason or
prospect.
Communicated
The Modern Solomon Writeth the
Deeds OF Thomas The Bear.
And it came to pass in the land of
Quintinoak that babe was born.
And he grew in statue and waxed
exceeding great and was of a growl-
ing nature, like unto bear. And
they called him Thomas The Bear.
And Thomas The Bear was a cutter
of cordwood and splitter of rails.
When he was about four and twenty
years of age he went forth and began
to inquire of the people round about
saying: "Behold l grow lonely, and
surely need helpmeet. Now,
therefore, tell me, l beseech thee,
where | may find a maiden who will
marry with me-"
And behold, a young damsel, tall
and exceeding fair, appeared before
him, and he loved her with an ex-
ceeding great love, and proceeded
to declare unto her thusly: "Aggie
(for that was the maiden's name),
behold my love for thee is great;
therefore let us marry and settle
ourselves within the land of Quin-
tinoak and spend our lives in
peace"
And Aggie replied, saying: "Of a
truth, oh, Thomas The Bear, love
thee exceedingly, and would fain be
thy wife, but verify l have mother,
and she hath secondhand husband,
who is my stepfather. Now, there
fore, if thou wilt support them YER
lily will accept thee"
And Thomas The Bear waxed
wroth and smote upon the ground
with his number II and rent his
garments and said: "Notwithstand.
ing all my love for thee, oh Aggie, |
will be gol burned if l will marry
the whole blamed family. Fare
welll'
And he departed from her and
went forth from the land of Quint-
inoak, even unto the gates Of the
great city, which is called Balti-
more. And be hunteth a boarding
house, and Bell was the name there
of. And behold a pipe runneth
around about through the house,
and when he turneth loose the con-
tents, and applyeth fire, it holdeth
forth light like unto thousand
candles. Then when he applyeth
not the fire, behold the smell thereof
was like unto the smell of Timber
ger cheese factory. And Thomas The
Bear sat him down to the table,
and took unto himself pen and
paper, and wrote, saying: "Agnes, /
love thee. Behold | shall now get
my revenge, and verify shalt thou
repent that thou didst not skeedad-
die with me. Hadst thou run away
with me verify should have been
full of happiness, and cordwood and
rails would fare common upon the
face of the earth. Now, verify, will
L shovel in my ton of coal and sleep
with my forefathers." And he turn
eth on the gas and getteth into bed.
And behold he slumbered and slept.
And it came to pass that when
his senses had been overcome by the
fumes thereof, behold his brother
cometh into the room and straight
way turneth of the gas and yanketh
Thomas The Bear out of the bed
aud sendeth him unto the hospital.
And the physician getteth him
pump and pumpeth out the gas
from Thomas The Bear, and sayeth
unto the nurses: "Turn him loose
and let him CO."
And Thomas The Bear quickly
departed out of the city and re-
turned unto Quintinoak. And he
goeth forth to see the maiden, and
behold she cometh forth to meet
him, and she spake, saying: "Skip,
oh Thomas, for behold my mother
waiteth for thee with the rolling
pin. Begone, oh begonel"
And it came to pass that the old
lady came down upon him! And lol
she smiteth him upon the cocoanut
and rolleth him even into the mire
and clay of the street.
And Thomas The Bear arose has
tily and departed. And he went
forth and cut railroad ties, for he
saith: "Even so did Aggie cut the
ties which bound her to me-" And
he calleth the place "Thomasaggie."
And behold he cutteth a great pile
of cordwood aud ranketh it up on
the spot, and behold it remaineth
unto this day. BILDAD.