Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-06-19
@SdlzI&Q!= SdlI&!


Nell-"You say that just before he
proposed he took your hands and
kissed your Kate-"Yes" Nell
well; that's what call imprudence."
she-Why do you suppose they have
all the telephone wires so high in the
air? He-Oh, that is SO they can keep
up the conversation, suppose.-Yon-
kers Statesman.
Tramp-'Ts dis all yer kin gimme
er cupful Nv cold water" Kind
Lady-"of course not You can have
as many cupfuls as yeu want."-Chi-
cago Daily News
Edyth-"Yes, Jack rs inclined to fiirt
a little, but his heart is in the right
placer Mayme-"Indeed! How long
has it been in your possession?"-Chi-
cago Daily News.
A rainy day race: $50 you lost
again?" "Of course" Couldn't the
horse you bet on rum" Eyes; he could
run very well. But he couldn't SWIM"
washington Star.
"a number of her old flames have
combined to present her father with
a fire badge" "Why?" Because Of
the speed and completeness in which
he put them all out."-Judge.
Frililla-"Was your dinner a social
success" Clorinda-"Yes, indeed.
You see, 1 was careful to invite only
people who have the same kind Of ner-
vous prostration." Life.
Where did your daughter and her
husband spend their honeymoon, Mr..
Goldbug" "Blest If I know. l can't
money they did.'-Washington Times.
"He had three days of grace left in
which to pay the note, and he moved
at once to the Arctic regions. l won
: der why?" "Well, you know the days
there are six months long.''-Town
Topics.
Advantage of position: "Hold on!'
exclaimed the boy who was under;
'Iet's arbitrate this thingw "There
amt nothin' to arbitrator painted the
boy on top, pummeling him vigorous
ly.-Chicago Tribune.
Ready for Easter: Deacon Cobbs-
WILLIAM, if your father should have
$40 and some one should give him $5,
what would he have?" William
Nothing. But ma would have a new
hat."-Chicago News.
She-'"TAe milliner told me that she
had been down to the dentists to have
nerve killed" He-"Well, from the
prices she asks for hats, I should say
the dentist must have killed the wrong
one"-Yonkers Statesman.
"Oh, let me like a soldier dier' ex-
claimed the leading man Of the barn.
stormers. "Oh, if 1 only had a gun"
exclaimed some one in the gallery, in
tone that savored of genuine SYM
pathy.-Chicago Daily News.
ITO what do you attribute the prop
critics of your springs?" asked a visitor
at a health resort "Well," answered
the proprietor. thoughtfully, II guess
the advertising I've done has had
something to do with it.''-Puck.
Automobile perils: Eyes, our Black
Spook, was demolished by running
into q barn" "Then I suppose you
had to walk?'' "No, we had to run.
The farmer came after us with a pitch
) fork and bulldog Philadelphia
Record.
.. Overwhelming evidence: Judge
"You deny persistently that you COM
mitted the act, and yet the description
fits you exactly-a beautiful face,
, youthful appearance, pretty little foot" !"
, Woman defendant-"Judge 1 confess
, au"-Tit-Bits.
New phase of it: "Yander goes
> another specimen er de race problem!'
= exclaimed Brother Dockey. "WhereT'
/ Fright yander-dat man behind der
nigger is de sheriff, en- de nigger is
leadin' him by one hundred yards!"
Atlanta Constitution.
l $50 you are not going to Europe
again?" "Not for a long time" an
swered Mrs. Somrox. ut is our in
; tention to live in America, thereby
: calling attention to the fact that we
4 can afford to pay the highest prices
for everything" g."-Washifgton Star.
Mrs. Hiram Offen-''That will do
You'll leave on Saturday, and you
needn't bother me about a recommen
dation." Bridget-"Shure, OF hov nc
intintion of givin' We a recomminda
+ GlOQ. Leu Tue yC ~
=. livery gurl that axes me."-Philadel
phia Press.
+ "That first wife Of mine never coulo
. take a Joke" But she took you once >
= Don't get personal. When she got
her divorce from Beimooilt last week
I sent her a message wishing her many
happy returns of the day, and now
n she refuses to even nod when we
t Chicago Record-Herald.
Dealer-"These are the most beauti
n full cutglass tumblers we have; $4s
Y a Dozen" Mrs. Housekeep-'Tn take
them, but 1 want you to label them
Seconds. Imitation cut-glass, $1.50 q
Idozen.'" Dealer-"Thats rather re
markable request" Mrs. Housekeep-
"Yes: it's merely to deceive the servant
irl."-PhiIadelphia Press.
Professor" said the bad young man
Of the class "the scientists tell us the
anthracite supply Of the world will be
completely exhausted in little ovel