davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1903-03-27
THE BABY.

Adam had trouble of the sort; so did
Noah Solomon and the rest of the old
boys, down the firing line of matrimonial
affairs But my affair was worse than
all their combined troubles-to me 1t did
me out of a cool FIVE thousand year
and a steady job looking after said
amount while trying to please the attach
ment concerned
And il all came about so easily, SO
breezily and so handily that my brain IS
in whirl when 1 recall the incident as
well as accident.
When l went to the old trysting spot
in the park where Hortensia and / had
exchanged opinions about Mars, Venus
and the rest of the heavenly ones, she
was not there. To pass away 1.-THE dull.
gloomy, thud-like moments that hung so
heavily 1 opened a paper and began TO
read.
man with a blond mustache and an
unmistakable droop to the corners of his
eyebrows showed something against my
knees and said
You don't mind watching the gig while
l go and see man, do your
1t is weakness of mine to say yes"
upon all occasions. 1t has caused me
| much trouble, this willingness to assume
the white. black. brown or red, white
and blue mans troubles. I've quit.
l peeped over the top of my paper and
| tried to get gay with the baby. But 1t
was none of that sort.
l used to think that l was fairly mild
| looking man of Sunday school cast of
countenance and complexion. But the
baby had opinions of its own-and to the
| contrary.
l was a stranger to Tootsie Wootsie.
T. W. was a stranger to the human fiend
smiling and trying to be gay.
1t yelled.
gasped.
It roared
Good Lord A pin is pricking it," 1
sighed.
l went after the pin.
1 turned the baby upside down, when
an irate female voice screamed
Hes after my pocketbook."
l turned the baby downside up when
oh. heayens,-I heard q deep hiss and
| shrill voice-Hortensia s-wail in knell
like tone of heart breaking agony
Miserable wretch Who'd have
| dreamed it?"
! had turned the baby partly inside out
when the entire pack of mad Mullahesses
| of the east side fell upon me thooth and
nail and ratified me right merrily over
| the gravel and into the fountain. Hor-
tensia was the maddest Mullahess of the
pack. I've heard college yells in my life.
| but they are like the soft murmurings
| of a summer breeze compared to the dew
\ ilish conglomeration hurled at me as
| was soused in the water, jerked out and
rolled in the mud Some filled my ears
| with sand, some stuffed gravel down my
neck. some danced upon me-but all
| yelled.
The fiend,'
THE kidnapper,'
Looks like a burglar1'
Trying to steal-and in broad day
! light
Il shall never trust another man.
| Doing it for ransom
Hang the wretch"
l finally got away, staggered into
nearby door and asked for a glass of
hardware. / incidentally said: I'D like
| to meet the william who asked me to look
| after his brat in the park
| l met him-met him with my face My
| nose hit his clinched hand so hard that 1
| saw stars and sat down. He was hard
| hit. l broke his thumb.
When / came to my senses | was in my
| cotlet in my boarding house. and four
| thousand strange babies made goo-goo
| eyes at me through the window,
| HORACE SEYMOUR KELLER.
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1903-03-27
HazeIs Two Husbands.

There is only one Finish for the deluded
Mortal who ries to work on a Day
Schedule and at the same time cover the
Bright Light District with the Night
Shift. He winds up the Principal
Attraction of a Daylight Function at
which six of his old time friends wear
White Gloves. Every one sends Flowers.
but he does not have to acknowledge
them.
Hazel looked very we'll in black, but 1t
was Hard Lines for her to stay indoors.
She knew it would cause Talk If she cut
loose before the Grass was Green in the
Family Lot, so she was pulling for an
early Spring and plenty of Rain.
When she bought her Second Ticket
for the Merry Go Round she was de-
termned on one Thing.
The next one ! pick out will not be
tied down to any Office she told herself.
Il want a Man who can keep awake all
Evening. I refuse TO travel with Quit
ters What we need in this Country TO
put Ginger into our Social Affairs are
Gentlemen of Leisure who begin to get
Good along about Midnight"
So she picked out handsome Wretch
Of Good Family who never had worked
a Moment in all his Life and who hated
the sight of a Bed.
He agreed il was Bad Form for any
one to suggest going home before Day
break.
They went travelling together as soon
as she had settled the Insurance When
they arrived in a New Town he would
go out to buy a Package of Cigarettes,
and then he would return in three Days
to find out If everything was o. X. and
il she was having a Nice Time.
But you could say one Word to his
Credit He never interfered with any OF
her Arrangements, for the Reason that
when the Arrangements were being
made he was Non Est He belonged TO
several Clubs at which the members re
moved their Pajamas to put On Evening
Clothes Sometimes he met his Wife at
Dinner Parties, and when he did so he
showed every Consideration and asked
her if she was still living at the same
Place He never forgot to be a Gentle
man. even at a Dinner Party.
Although she saw him only about once
a Week she always had this Consolation.
She knew he was not working himself
TO Death in any Office.
When she applied for a Divorce the
Officers had TO Hunt for a long Time be
fore they found him.
He was very much panied. and said
he had never used a harsh or cruel Word
70 her because he always talked over the
Phone. with Central listening.
She obtained Decree. and as she was
leaving the Court Room she was met by
a sympathetic Friend
What are you going to do next?" asked
the Friend
Il am going to buy a Dog" was the
Reply
MORALE is often necessary to try
two or three before the Right Kind is
Landed.-New York Herald
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1903-03-27
WONDERS OF MODERN MEDICINE.

The announcement that Prof. Tizzoni of Bologna Uni
Versity has found curative for pneumonia is of
the highest interest to the lay world well the
medical
Pneumonia is undoubtedly the most deadly disease in
this country The mortality reported due to it in
the whole country from 76469 in 1890 571 1900
when consumption, including general tuberculosis slew
111O59 But in the accurate the regis
traton area pneumonia led in 1900 with 1926 deaths
while consumption increasing it's victims much more
slowly caused only 54,S9S. Pneumonia by this time
certainly passed consumption as a general cause of
death in the United States
Scientists diligently and hopefully in of
serum to cure consumption. Even without fresh
air. treatment is saving many lives that 1910 may
show an actual decrease in deaths from this
anttoxin treatment of dphthera has been chiefly
mental in reducing the proportion of deaths
disease fully onehaf between and 1900 in the reg
istraton area" A serum which could do as much for
pneumonia would be boon to humanity.
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1903-03-27
ANOTHER VALLEY OF DEATH.

MI. A G. Carpenter Of Chicago, who has spent some
three years exploring the Philippines
posts, reports Death Valley" way out in the middle
Of the island of Mndanao He party having seen
promising nuggets of gold said have been picked
up on the edge of this valley, determined Investigate
and finally reached the summit of the mountains that
surround the place. The descent precpitous They
observed dense mist fog in the depths of the
depression that resembled but too large in
extent to have been formed by volcanic action They de
scended distance until they began to get the benefit
of the fog 1t seemed full of volcanic gases and soon
made the party sick, and halt called. 1t was
judged to be fatal to proceed farther and the party
aged to climb back to the mountain top whence they
had descended. The theory of Mr. Carpenter that
this deep valley there is assure connected with vol
canic caldron whence the projected that
this fog arising for distance the
of the valley permanent obstacle to its explora-
ton
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1903-03-27
Haiiu~ - Eaale
THE RECORD OF A KANsAN.
M. M. MURDOCH, Editor

The fourth assistant postmaster general is hansan
His name is not Joseph Joe, but Joseph L. Brsto" a
Kansans generally know. The fourth assistant post
master general the who handles the ohcia axe
for the postoce department Brisow swings his decaP
tating implement so vigorously wherever he discovers
fncompetency or corruption that the decaptated ana
their friends combine to make for the Kansas
man His removed was demanded. Two three times
during the present winter it given out from Wash
ingon that it up with Joseph L. His first trouble
was with Senator Hanna, the Brstow made II
warm for the defaulters in the Cuban postal service
Later Senator Elkns joined the oustng force But Bs
tow conscious of his own recttude and the invulnera
bleness of his record pat While he desired AVOID
ing embarrassing the president resolved not to go out
under cloud that Roosevelt, who UNDERSTOOD
the situation ntimated that his fourth assistant was
compelled to get himself, his step should NOT
be down and out UP and in In other words the only
thing that the president would consider removal by
promotion The position a trying one The honor
and pay combined do for the trials per-
plextes strain Of looking after $4,000 postmaster
and adjusting troubles growing out Of the complaints Oh
the respective communities which these 5000 postmas
tiers more or less successfully serve
Now comes through the dispatches published show
pg of the records the fourth assistant post
master generals Office covering period from March,
1897 up present To that the showing is cred
fable enough 1t is highly fattering and will prove
very gratifying Bristows friends in Kansas The
report covers detail Brstows three months work in
bringing order confusion in Cuba and in bringing
the guilty justice He unearthed discrepancies and
regulations amounting upward of 100000 He in fact
has charge regular inspector force numbering over
200 expert accountants The Eagle records these facts
with great pleasure
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1903-03-27

TALLY equivalent to the Loud BILL which was Delofe many
congresses but always failed to become law IN spite o
tho warm hacking of the postofice department under
every administration most of the members OF the
poctofce committees When legislation could not
be obtained it was decided to what could be done
with existing law. AS Mr.. Madden began 10
make exclusions parties adversely affected naturally
rushed to the relief The present status OF the
case is interesting
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1903-03-27
A BUDDING Ambition.

The cub journalist was airing his griev-
ances.
Il don't want 10 he a EatheTer 81 news
items ali nv life" nc said. Il want 10
be an author o. q literary something or
other or a general IN the army.
But WHY" We asked gently, why do
you wish 10 be general IL the army
.Becauze,~ he replied. with = far-sSay
look in his eyes because 1 regret 10 re-
port
so we did our duty With as little rnuihs-
ton OF the remains as posSsole--f-x-
change.
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1903-03-27

st Louis doctor poured 107 barrels of imported
"baci Prodgiosus into the Chicago drainage canal
presently fshed the sort OF the river at ST
Louis. He made prodgious showing. But a Chicago
bacterioogt forward with the proof that every
gill Of Lake Michigan contains millions "bacill
prodigiosrs.' ST Louis seems in for il
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1903-03-27

Boy with rev gung-Pa. has cat goi
nine lives.
Pa donor Of gunf-Tes: 50 ws are tod
WHY 60 rou ask,
Roy-weH. then. our ,sSays &c; eigh'
coming 70 Aer
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1903-03-27
The Real Need.

They say that Iaziness Is caused b.
germ What ine thing u would be Il
-re coald ind something 70 kiil the thing.
..oh. no I know something 6-sF thar
that Think how much nicer u would -
II YOU could Snd sorae way 20 crafty
tt-"-Chiczxo Recorz-Hersid-
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1903-03-27

.'Pzragraphers are getting careless in
their nomenclature
How So
Here's chap refers 20 he Dei1ss
as tire ksg damp and Noah as the bad
% TIE ANNA. Trust
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1903-03-27

Talk about the harmony Of fraternity and the eternal
fitness Of things just recall the choice Of Mrs Cart
the boss Of the national female suffrage association
New Orleans the other dar.
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1903-03-27

AS the w C. T. l. objects anything strong as
wine being broken the of the Kansas" why
the vessel with Carrie Nation hschet fairons
and rolling pins ill her tanks with Geuda water and
her with women?
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1903-03-27

Such taxpayers inclined to the municipal owner
ship Of public utilities, such railways lighting
plants. supply, ETC. corrall number of eco
nomca conclusions by reading the history of Kan
City acquisition its cost and the nadequacy
Of the service and its awful
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1903-03-27

As Cleveland ana Bryan both refuse Kun what
Democrat will Colonel Wattersan atacK stand
ing the way of his ambition lead his party vic
torye
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1903-03-27

Prosperity proves too much for Pop. For Pop
gain supply of plunks lire him up with op
position To succeed a Pop candidate buy a piece
of worthless land mortgage for ali will stand
then set UP howl against the plutocrats.
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1903-03-27

The Arizona Rough Riders have captured a big bear
which they propose to the president upon mis-
arrival there We inclined the opinion that the
president feels that the Mississippi episode Is
enough along the bruin lire
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1903-03-27

The day succeeding the PenneH automobile tragedy
the Eagle suggested suicide Wait for the verdict CT the
coroner's jury.
Fitzgerald enterprise. (Fitzgerald, Ga.) 1895-1912, 1903-06-16
he Cause of Many
Sudden Deaths.

There is disease prevailing in this
country most dangerous because so decep-
Fitzgerald enterprise. (Fitzgerald, Ga.) 1895-1912, 1903-06-16
BANKERS CONVENTION.

Mr.. E. K. Farmer leaves to-
day for the bankers convention
at Atlanta, which convenes to-
morrow, the 18th. After adj
journment he will go with the
Witham bankers, to Lookout
Mountain, on the 10Th, where the
following program will be car
ried out:
Leave Atlanta $50 a. m. June
10Th, via Southern Railway and
arrive at Lookout Inn 100 p. m.
1 Dinner at 80 p. m.
2 Seeing Lookout.
3 Convention called to order at
$50
4 Paying for cotton" By ],
L. Allen, Chip1ey, Ga.
5 The politician in banking"
Rowe Price, Smithville, Ga.
g Advantages in nationalizing."
E. K. Farmer, Fitzgerald Ga.
u "Overdrafts." A. D. Brown,
Talbotton, Ga.
IS How I increased my de-
posits." ". w. Peyton, Cor
nelia, Ga.
% Loans to corporations" ].
F, Lee, Royston, Ga.
10 Your correspondents" w.
w. Banks, Triton, Ga.
IL Yankee banker in Georgia"
G. II. Brown, Toccoa, Ga.
u The round up" w. D. Map-
ley, Atlanta, Ga.
13 Question. box. The forego-
ing subjects will be open for
discussion.
FRIDAY NIGHT.
7 p. m. Banquet.
Fitzgerald enterprise. (Fitzgerald, Ga.) 1895-1912, 1903-06-16
VETERAN NULL EXPLAINS.
Everybody, Especially the G.
A. R. are Invited.
ALARGE CROWD WILL GO MYSTIC

A LARGE CROWD WILL GO MYSTIC
Last Fridays Enterprise con-
tanned an invitation to the reun-
ion picnic at Mystic tomorrow,
June 18th. The invitation as
published in the Enterprise was
given to one of the Enterprise
staff by Veteran Null, Com mand-
er-ln-Chiel of the Blue and Grays,
although it was signed by DR..
Dlsmuke, Rev. VIM. Mcqueen
and ]. A. Mathis, of Mystic. The
invitation closed with the follow
ing words:
All wives, daughters, and low
ers of the Confederacy are es-
pecially invited to the Reunion
Picnic, with full baskets"
1t seems that some of the G. A.
r. objected to the special invita-
ton to the lovers of the Confed-
eracy" only, and when our atten-
ton was called to the fact, we
considered it a very natural OBJ
lection, although we had not
noticed the peculiar wording
which seemed to say t&Rt those
who lare not lovers of the Con-
tedracy are not especially in
vited. But Commander Null ex-
planned very readily and plausi-
bly, the mistake which he insists
is not his own. He says that the
paper made him say Confederacy
when he meant Confederates, and
that he has been in the Blue and
Gray long enough to know that
that there is a brother1y love be-
tween the members of that or
ganization, and that all the good
G. A. R. in the colony love the
Confederates, and vice-versa.
Everybody who knows Mr.. Null
knows that he is an enthusiastic
Blue and Gray man, and that he
would not willfu1lv offend any
man of them. Aside from this
it is known to the Enterprise
that the good people of Mystic
expect a large number of the
wearers of the blue tomorrow,
and will be disappointed if they
do not attend.
The Enterprise hopes that the
little misprint will not be taken
seriously, especially since this
explanation.
Fitzgerald enterprise. (Fitzgerald, Ga.) 1895-1912, 1903-06-16
incest line of stationery in {
city, at Polhills. 9
On A Lark.

Saturday morning two youf
men, we'll known in this sectio|
of the county, went out on
lark.
Going out the north end III
Main street they soon convince
themselves that they were in fo
a good time and with all the eVI
dences of a jag they gotout the
guns and proceeded to make
rough house at every place the
visited. Several of the best fam
lilies in that part of the colon
were honored (?)with a callfroa
the young men who put the "a
dies to flight at the point of ugIl
revolvers. The sport, even d
shooting into the dwellings,, sool
became tame and at last they de
sisted.
There was another chapter
which Justice Paulk cut quite
figure and the young men we
bound over under four serio
counts each and will give an II
count Of their acts to Juaa
Clements next month.
Fitzgerald enterprise. (Fitzgerald, Ga.) 1895-1912, 1903-06-16

tack the vital organs, causing catarrh of
the bladder, or the kidneys themselves
break down and waste away cell by cell.
Bladder troubles almost always result
from arrangement of the kidneys and
cure is obtained quickest by a proper
treatment of the kidneys. If you are feel
ing badly you can make no mistake by
taking DR.. Ki1ner's Swamp=Root, the
great kidney, liver and bladder remedy.
1t corrects inability to hold urine and
scalding pain in passing it, and over
comes that unpleasant necessity of being
compelled to go often through the day,
and to get up many times during the
night The mild and the extraordinary
effect of Swamp-Root is soon realized.
1t stands the highest for its wonderful
cures of the most distressing cases.
Swamp-Rost is pleasant to take and is
sold by all druggists in ffty-cent and
one-dollar size bottles. You may have
sample bottle of this wonderful new dis
covery and book that tells all about it,
both sent free by mail. Address, DIR. Kill
mer & Co., Binghamton, N. Y. When
writing mention reading this generous
offer in this paper. Don't make any
mistake, but remember the name, Swamp
Root, r. Kil1ner's Swamp-Root, and the
address, Binghamton, N. Y, on every
Fitzgerald enterprise. (Fitzgerald, Ga.) 1895-1912, 1903-06-16
Are You Hungry?

The ladies of the Christi
Church will give another of Tho
famously famous dim
Thursday, June 25th, at the :
r. c. hall. For the small sum
20cts., they will give you all 81
can eat. Come out and he
these good ladies make the la
payment on their church seal
Fitzgerald enterprise. (Fitzgerald, Ga.) 1895-1912, 1903-06-16
explanation.

Mr.. Wright Torrance, from
Gastonia, N. c., arrived in the
city last week to accept position
in the shoe department of the
S. w. Jones establishment. Mr..
Terrence is handsome for tar
heel" which is evidenced by the
sudden popularity of that depart
ment of Mr.. Jones store, especi-
ally with the young lady custom
ers. We are glad to welcome
Mr.. florence to the city, and if
he escapes matrimony we are
sure he will not regret that he
has come to South Georgia,
where many good North Caro-
llnians have made their start in
life, and some of them fortunes.
Our customers often complain
of the after effects of the ordin-
airy liver pills they leave one al
most with locked bowels, but
this disagreeab1e feature is av-
oided by Ramon's Liver Pills
and Tonic Pellets. Each Is cents
box containes othLiver Pill and
Tonic Pellets-the Pills touch the
Liver, and Tonic Pellets regu-
late the bowels and insure nor
NAL, natural conditions. Price 25
cents. J. H. Goodman & Co.
Miss M, Armstrong Kelly,
from BurkYille, Ala, is visiting
her sister Mrs. DR.. J. H. Powell.
She will probably spend several
weeks in the city, the guest of her
sister. Capt. Tom Armstrong, of
Burkvi1le, who is we'll known to
some of our readers, accompani-
ed his niece part of the way.
Mayor Wilson will leave this
week for month or six weeks
visit to his old home in South
Dakota and, to several other
northwestern communities. He
will be accompanied by Mrs.
Wilson,
Miss Edna MARYLAND left for
Palm Beach, Fla, today, where
she goes to visit her sister, Mrs.
Joe Saunders.
Mrs. G. E. Whitman left yes
terday for the north where she
goes to visit relatives and friends.
Fitzgerald enterprise. (Fitzgerald, Ga.) 1895-1912, 1903-06-16
LOCAL NEWS.

|
Mr.. Clair Smith was over from
Cordele, Sunday, to see the home
folks.
Mr.. M. Flanders, of Oci1la
spent short while in the city
Sunday.
Mn Walter Harris left Sunday
for short visit to his parents al
Dothan, Ala.
In the good old summer time
try an ice cream sandwich, at
Polhill's drug store. 3
Rev. A, L. BLIZZARD filled his
regular appointment at Nichols
last Saturday and Sunday.
Capt. J. B. Bennett, of Fitzger-
aid, has about completed all the
cottages on railroad avenue, at a
cost of $500 each.-Doug1as
Breeze.
Word was received yesterday
that Mr.. G. c. Edwards, who re-
Gently left here for his old home
in north Georgia, is very i'll and
not expected to recover.
Mrs. A. L. Blizzard went down
to Broxton yesterday and will
spend week or probably longer
with Mrs. T. S. Price and Mrs.
Jack Dorminry,
Miss May Day and Miss Ella
Killingsworth left Sunday Morn
ing via the A. & B. for B1uffton,
where they will visit relatives
and friends for several weeks.
LosT.-A small gold class pin,
ID. C. J." on back-"G. N. and
|. c." on front. The finder will
please leave at Enterprise Office,
where they will receive a reward
of thanks at least.
Hon. A. S. Dorminey was in
the city yesterday and reported
that his son, Mr.. John Dorminey,
was steadily improving. We
hope to see him in the city soon
completely restored to health.
Mr.. Thomas Mcmillan, a
prominent citizen of the lower
part of the county and a stead
fast friend of the Enterprise was
in the city on important business
Monday and and as N his custom
dropped in tQ>s us.
Earl Ward Pearce spoke to
the largest house of the season
last Sunday evening. His. audi
ence was not only a large on but
above the average IN intelligence.
Such an audience as lecturer
naturally appreciates.
Mrs. DR.. J. H. ivy
and daughter, Allie, will go to
Florida this week, where they
will visit Mrs. Katie Twyman-
Bell and other relatives in that
state. 1t is quite possible that
they will be gone several weeks.
Intemperance is often caused
by people taking "a bracer"
because they feel so bad" The
"bracer" don't touch the seat of
the trouble-the Liver but Ra-
mons Tonic Regulator inyigo-
rates that organ, and. makes one
healthy and strong.
). IL. GOOu man Il 70.
Mr.. +. J. Hanson had his lot a.
cross the alley from 1.-The Post Of
flee surveyed by the city survey
or, Monday morning, preparato-
ny to building another brick
block. He has not contracted
for the building but will probably
do so this week. Of course Mr..
Hanson will not build anything
but a creditable block. We
hope three or four stories up.
MIR. Mark Isaacs, who recent
ly composed descriptive song,
words and music. Il long to hear