davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-03-04
The S.E.Large School Of Shorthand TypeWritinS
OFFERS EDUCATIONAL ADVANTAGES THAT ARE
DISTINCTLY FIRST-CLASS

The principal of this school brings to
hi work wi de practi cal experi ence as a ste
no rapher, and exceptional ability as amin
structor backed by an es tabli shed reputation
for doing
THOROUGHLY, SKILLFULLY, AND CoNsCIENTIOUSLY
all he under takes to do.
For Ell ehteen Years Principal Teacher Of
the Shor thand Depar tment of the Stewart bust
ness College. Has prepared more successful
tenog aphers than any teacher that has ever
ght stenography in this section Of the
country
Advantages that are positively guaranteed
to the tudent:
Hi Oh Grade Techni cal ms truc ion,
Every possible personal encoura cement,
Shor thand preparation that wi Il meet the
r equi ements Of the better paying pos tions
in the bus mess communi ty.
Prospects flattering. Seating capacity
l imi ted
Now is the time enroll.
School term begins Monday, Sept. l. 1902.
For fur Their par ii Gu lars, address
S. E. LARGE, Principal,
S. Broad St. Trenton N. j.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-03-04

"will your employer be in after din
nerr' inquired the visitor OF the office
boy.
Nope" was the laconic reply.
what makes you think SOP was the
next query.
"'coz.' replied the boy as he pre-
pared TO dodge. that's what he went
out after."-Judge.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-03-04

Don't you think" said the generous
minded man, that you would feel more
kindly toward your political rival II
you could imagine yourself in his placer
MY dear sir" answered the energet-
ic man. mere imagination won't do.
I'm going to put myself in his place If
it can possibly be managed. He has
one of the best places In the govern
ment service "-Washington Star.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-03-04
lie Gothic Limit,

''Do you believe there is anything
prophetic In dreams3"
''BelIe"e II. know 1t. Only the
other night | dreamed that was at n
church fair aud uwoke TO find that my
wife had been through my pockets and
taken my last Baltimore News.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-03-04
F.il Away.

Il understand bis friends hive all
deserted him"
"Yes You see. they discovered that
he was actually going to need their
assistance. - Colorado Springs Gazette.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-03-04

Tess-He said looked handsome In
that gown. didn't her
Jess-Not exactly. He said that gown
looked handsome on you.--Exchanee.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-03-04
Conclusive Argument.

First Office Boy guess de boss will
raise my pay.
Second Office Boy-What makes yer
e,ink so?
First Office Boy-I give him ter I'M
derstand I'd stay till he did.-Judge.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-03-04

Fond Mother-My sou. did not your
father forbid you learning to smoker
Young America-No. ina. When ]
asked him IL ! might smoke. he said,
Not muchr'
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-03-04

II IL poor consolation to the girl
who has been stung by bee TO know
that baes nre partial 10 sweet things.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-03-04
Distant Relatives.

Il have only the most distant rel,.
ives"
HAS the family died outY'
NO. They have all become rich,"
The Delta independent., 1903-06-19
1he History Of Llfeboat..

1t is just 113 years since the first
lifeboat was launched. Lionel Lukin,
a coach-builGer, of Long Acre, London,
was the inventor. A hundred years
ago there were thirty lifeboats sta
toned on the different coasts of Bri-
tain. The Royal National Lifeboat In
stitution was founded In 1928. Since
that day 1t has saved $4,000 persons
from watery graves. In 1S49 a lifeboat
capsized on the Herd Sands, and TWEEN.
ty out of crew of twenty-four were
drowned. This accident caused the
Duke of Northumberland to offer 100
guineas for the best lifeboat submit
ted In open competition. Mr.. James
Beeching, of Great Yarmouth, won the
prize. In 1888. and again in 1887,
prizes for the best lifeboat were of.
fered. but 1t seems impossible ever to
design boat capable of withstanding
all the risks of tempestuous sea.
The Delta independent., 1903-06-19
Mr.. Moody as a Waiter.

A good story is told on Secretary
Moody while visiting San Juan, In
Porto Rico. While the Dolphin was
in the harbor of San Juan, she was
visited daily by the natives. One OF
them. feeling thirsty, turned to a man
in white and wearing a sort of naval
cap, and said: "I'll have a drink of
water" The man hurried away with
out word, and soon returned with
the water, which the native drank.
The man in white then took the glass
back to the cabin. While he was gone
an American, who had seen the whole
procedure. said to the native: You
ought to have tipped that fellow" The
native fumbled in his pocket for a
coin. but mildly protested: why
should II" and the American said:
because that was Mr.. Moody, the
secretary of the navy" 1t was true,
and when the secretary emerged from
the cabin, the natives profuse apollo
gies were made as only one of the
Latin race can make them, while the
secretary, laughing, tried to put the
Porto Rican at his ease.-New York
Times.
The Delta independent., 1903-06-19
Sugar on Goldfish Cakes.

A man from the South and a Maine
Yankee were bantering one another
on their respective sections,
i've heard a good deal about the
excellence of your Southern cooking" I"
said the man from Maine. 1T may be
all right down in Dixie. but your cooks
have to be up here awhile before they
can cater to New England taste.
was induced to take up my feed at the
boarding house of q Southern woman
in New York. She tried to suit me
all right, and offered to get anything
l wanted. OF course, said Goldfish
cakes right off. and the next day ]
had 'em served for dessert. srrinkled
with sugar. And had to eat 'em and
say nothing. But I'm not boarding at
her house now"
"Why. of cos'e." said the Southern
er. "She ought put little brandy
on 'em, Kunnel, and set EN- a-fiah,
the same as they do with sh' nuff plum
puddin'. I'm afraid, Kunnel, that
nlady you boa'ded with was no real
Suthon cook"
The Delta independent., 1903-06-19
Where Did II Co?

Where did yesterdays sunset go,
When 1t faded down the hills SO slow,
And the gold grew dim. and the purple
light
Like an army with banners passed from
sight?
Will it's flush go into the goldenrod.
Its thrill to the purple asters nod,
Its crimson feck the maple bough.
And the autumn glory begin from now?
Deeper than flower fields sank the glow.
Deeper than flower fields sank the glow.
1t flushed all night in many n dream.
1t thrilled in the folding hush of prayer.
1t glided into n poets song,
IT is setting still in a picture rare:
1t changed by the miracle none can see
To the shifting lights of a symphony:
And in resurrections of faith and hope
The glory died on the shining slope.
For 1t left its fight on the hills and seas
That rim a thousand memories.
The Delta independent., 1903-06-19
BABY ENTERS A COMPLAINT.
Draws Up Indictment Against tho
Ways of the World.

ways OF the World.
am baby, eleven months old, and
nearly worn out already. Please let
me alone.
am not n prodigy, except to the en-
tent that. not 'aving anything to say.
don't talk. Two big persons claim
to be my parents-why can't they let
1t go at that? ! have never denied
the charge. haven't much data to
go by, but | don't think | am either
q magician, a learned pig, or virtu-
oso. don't banker after applause;
SO. 1t will be an appreciated favor IL
you won't put me through any parlor
tricks. .....a. - o
II have my wealthy old Uncle Ez-
ra's nose, congratulate Uncle Ezra,
but don't blame me. may be klep-
tomaniac, for all know, but can't
help 1t.
Don't rattle rattles at me--they rat
tie me. Don't goo-goo and ootsie-koot-
sic at me- l can't understand 1t any
lish language.
The pain / have is not In my stom-
ach. but in my neck don't want to
be entertained or mystified or medicat-
ed or applauded And. If you don't
want me to grow up to be a hypro-
chondriac, a stamp-collector, an awful
example, a ping-pong enthusiast, or a
misanthrope, you just lemme be-
Smart Set.
The Delta independent., 1903-06-19
woRkMEN FIND A TREASURE.
Quit Their Job and start for New
York for a Good Time.

Quit Their Job and start for New
York for a Good Time.
Stories Of rich fnc y ancient
treasure by six laborers are being cir.
culated among the American and for
eign workmen employed on the extern
sive improvements to the N. G. r.
Railway in the vicinity of York Ha-
ven.
gang boss set six men to work tearing
down and carting away the ruins Of an
old house. which fire had destroyed
about fifteen years ago.
The men had made little progress
upon the work when the six appeared
before the boss and informed him
that they had decided to quit and re-
turn to New York. When asked to ex-
plain their sudden decision. Antonio
Luigi, known on the contractors book
as 22, said: I'VE no lika disa job.
Gotta better job"
The laborers then disappeared from
the vicinity. Luigi, who 1t seems had
not gone farther than Harrisburg.
panions, turned up a few hours later
in Goldsboro. He had roll OF crisp
bank notes of liberal size and spent
money freely in treating his friends.
The foreigners say that Luigi told them
that he and his companions while at
work upon the ruins OF the old house
discovered rusted iron chest which
when broken open was found to con-
tain large sum Of money in ancient
gold and silver coins. To substantiate
his story Luigi, it is said. exhibited a
handful of American and Spanish gold
coins of early dates. When asked how
much was in the chest he would say
many hundred dollars"
The story goes that the sum found
was In the neighborhood Of $500.
says the New York World Luigi has
disappeared
The Delta independent., 1903-06-19
WANTED HIM TO REMEMBER.
Ungracious Treatment Accorded
WouId.be Phtlanthropist.

WouId-be PhiIanthroptst-
An official visitor to an asylum was
surprised in the course of his inspec.
ton to find among the inmates gen.
tleman who complained that he was
unlawfully confined by his relatives,
who wanted his money. The official
took him aside and heard him lay his
case lucidly and sensibly before him.
The man seemed to be SO remark.
ably clear-headed that the commits
sioner made notes of the case and
promised that he should not be long
detained. He spent some hours in
making an inspection OF the institu.
ton. after which he again saw the
unfortunate gentleman and expressed
the deepest sympathy with him. con-
fined there sane among the mad.
But do not fear" he added; your
case will be gone into at once, and
your discharge will be speedy. There
is no doubt about your sanity"
THANK you! A thousand times
thank you!" said the gentleman. You
will never regret the trouble you are
taking"
They walked to the gate together,
chatting as they went, and shook
hands cordially at parting. The COM
missioner was passing through the
gate when he was violently kicked
from behind and Frustrated In the
mud. He rose with difficulty, and
supporting himself by the gate.
gasped:
"What-what was that for?"
That" said the gentleman, now
grinning through the bars, that's lest
you forget" .
The Delta independent., 1903-06-19
Pretty Hard Water.

They say that the English Ian
guage is the most difficult of any for a
foreigner to acquire" said the lady
who was pouring the tea. especially
on account of its many idiomatic per-
plexities. l have neighbor. dear
little girl, who would say the same II
she were able to express her opinions
in words.
''The other day l said to her. Is the
water whore you live hard or soft.
Jennie@ Quick as q wink came the
surprising answer:
".Oh, guess it's awfu!ly hard. for
split some on a lamp chimney last
night and it broke all to pieces!'"
The Delta independent., 1903-06-19
Frlo.te Bird a Swift FLYER

Though the petrol is swift, the
frigate bird is far swifter. Seamen
generally believe that the frigate bird
can start at daybreak with the trade
winds from the coast of Africa and
roost the same night upon the Ameri-
can shore. Whether this Is fact
has not yet been conclusively deter
mined, but 1t is certain that this bird
is the swiftest of winged creatures.
and is able to fly. under favorable
conditions, 200 miles an hour.
The Delta independent., 1903-06-19

Tho Doc Around Town.


Have you feasted to-day, old fellow?
Had a sniR of some meat or bone?
We're you seriously fed upon gravy and
BY some one who called you their own?
Your ribs sitt How plainly they're show
Your legs zseem uncertain and weak!
Have you soarched every street for a
morsel 70 eat?
Are you just town dog, sir? Come.
speak!
Were you housed from the snowstorm
last nigAt, sir?
Did you sleep within some warm bed?
Did you hear the wind roar past the
closed stable door
While dreams OF green fields filled your
Cr cid you crawl into some alley
~ curl up and shiver and know
The voice Of slow death In the winds icy
Meath your soft. creeping blanket OF
Has any one patted your head, sir?
Or noted your great. sunken eye?
Have your unksmpt ears heard any kind.
gentle word s
From some human friend passing by?
Or have folks Just kicked you aside. sir ?
Why. you're trembling now. where you
stand!
quake at my touch
And cover at the sight Of my hand?
It's the way of the world. poor old fel-
low!
Just struggle for bread. or a bone:
And some of us know how you feel when
you go
To your bed in the alley. alone!
Were you sleek and well cared for and
handsome
Friends would feed you and love you on
sight:
But It's different. sir. with a poor. luck.
less cur,
Just uvs ground town! There. good.
night!
Colorado Springs Gazette
The Delta independent., 1903-06-19
His pefercntlaI Ideas.

Senator Cullen of Brooklyn, ever
the most deferential of men when
speaking to one of the opposite sex.
is withal capable of expressing his
ideas not only with precision, but with
marked aptness.
Now. Mr.. Cullen" said a member
of the Female Suffrage community to
him recently. "all Joking apart. what
is your candid opinion on this ques-
ton of 'womnn's rights'?"
Madam" he replied gravely, Il
think that woman's rights are in
variably a mans lefts."-New York
Times.
The Delta independent., 1903-06-19
France Pays Heavy Dog Tax.
France has 100000 pet dogs. o,
which 100000 is paid In taxes.
How to Hear Plants Grow.

How to Hear Plants GROW.
II you were told that 1t was possible
to hear plants grow you would scarce
ly believe 1t, but two Germans say
they have discovered a method of
hearing" plants grow. In the appa-
ratus the growing plant is connected
with q disc. having in Its center an
indicator which moves visibly and reg.
ularly, and. this, on scale fifty times
magnihed, denotes the progress In
growth. Both disc and indicator are
metal, and when brought In contact
with an electric hammer, the electric
current being Interrupted a. each o!
the divided interstices Of the disc. the
growth OF the plant is as perceptibls
to the ear as to the eye.
The Delta independent., 1903-06-19
Her BRIGHTEST pupil.

When examination day comes rouno
visitors to one or other Of the public
schools are bound to be amused by
the answers given to questions. On
Just such an occasion last week the
teacher said to a brightfaced boy:
Now, can you tell me what the
earth's axis is?"
"Yes'm-it is an imaginary line
drawn through the center of the
earth. and on which 1t revolves."
Teacher cast q side glance to see II
the visitor was duly impressed. and
went on:
That's very good. Could you hang
a towel on the line as 1t revolves?"
"Yes'm-an imaginary one"
The Delta independent., 1903-06-19
eras. win Not Grow on Grave.

There is mysterious coffin-shaped
grave in the churchyard at Montgom-
cry, England. on which the grass re-
fuses to grow. According to the local
legend. young man of Montgomery
was hanged for numbering his sweet.
heart He asserted to the last that
he was not guilty, and on the scat
fold declared that no grass would
grow over his grave until his inno-
cence was proved. The prophecy, II
is alleged. has been fulfilled to the
present day.
The Delta independent., 1903-06-19
1huart peslres Of VanderbIIt

w. X. Vanderbilt Jr.. wanted the
land at Hampstead, Long Island, on
which an old schoolhouse stands. but
the trustees refused to sell. having
too much affection for place SO
closely connected with their school
days. Mr. Vanderbilt offered to fur
nish more desirable site, and would
also pay for moving the old school.
but the trustees still said him nay,
refusing to have the landmark re.
moved.
The Delta independent., 1903-06-19
Goodnight.

The lay has gone to sleep. within the
"ales.
Shadows are Graded In the em'raid
grass.
And on the heights the roseate sunset
pales.
pass.
Good might, sweet day! The stars come
out on high.
To watch the pathway which your foot
steps trod.
of sky,
And bring our souls In fuller touch with
God.
-Eliza A. Otis n Los Angeles Times
The Delta independent., 1903-06-19
Gold and silver Beetles.

The most remarkable gold beetles
Id the world are found in Central
America. The head and wing cases
are brilliantly polished with a lustre
as Of gold itself. To sight and touch
they have all the appearance of that
metal. Oddly enough. another spe-
cies from the same region looks like
solid silver. freshly Furnished. These
gold and silver beetles have a market
value. They are worth from f5 to
910 each.
The Delta independent., 1903-06-19
Natural suppo,I.lon.

Ross" said the old man, II know
you are engaged to that young lady
ard call on her every night"
What of tbat?" asked the youth In
the ingrown hat.
We'll. er-would you mind giving
me all the cigars that get broken In
your vest pockct7"
The Delta independent., 1903-06-19
Tho Flight Of q Fly.

When flying the wings of fly are
moved with extraordinary rapidity.
and 1t is estimated that no fewer than
700 strokes are made per second. This
would carry fly about 25 feet, but
seven-fold velocity can easily be at
tanned, making ITS feet per second,
SO that under certain circumstances
the little creature can outstrip a race
horse.
The Delta independent., 1903-06-19
Local Demand.

"Those iceboxes are made for our
Chicago trade" explained the manager
of the factory.
| ANY different from the rest?" asked
the visitor. ER n
Yes; they are fitted up to be COM
Portable when bartenders are locked ir
them by hold-up men,"
The Delta independent., 1903-06-19
Notice Of FIu., settlement.

In the matter Of the Estate Of J. r. wANTE-
MAkER, Deceased.
Notice n hereby given. That on Mondsy, the
2Dtli day Of June. 4. D., 1903, being one Of the
regular days Of the June term 0t the County
Court Of i'elta county. In the state Of Colorado.
!, Alice =: wannemaker. Administratrix o. said
estate, Will appear before the Judge Of said
court. present my fnal settlement as such
administering and pray the approyal Of the
same, and will then apply H. be discharged rs
such administrators. A. which time and pace
any person In Interest may appear and present
objections " the same " any there he.
Dated At Delta, Colorado. May 2ist, 1908.
ALICE r. .WANNEMAKER,
AdmInlstrntrix Of the Estate Of }. Vanne-
maker. deceased
The Delta independent., 1903-06-19
Tho ophlr Gold plaolno,,

The only ancient gold diggings yet
discovered which are of sufficient
magnitude to be those of the ophir
of David and Solomon are those of
the Zambesi region. The gold con.
tributed by David alone to the build
ing of the temple. being 5000 talents
of the gold OF Ophir." would be in
value over $4,000, 900.
The Delta independent., 1903-06-19
Notice Fer rnb,ie..s...
DEPARTMENT OF THE fNTIHIok.
LAND OrficE MoNTKoss, CotDRAl

UXfAHINFNT UF THE TNTIhI1H,
LASD OrficE MoNTKoss. CotDRADo
June I. 1871.
Notice Is hereby given that Clinton r. Hainii
ton, assignee OF Barnet long. Of CedArcdge
Delta county. Colorado, has fled notice of In
tention To make proof OH his desert land claim
No. IA Ute series for the sw y NV Y src. Is
sr % W 9Th y. m. before Milton X. WEIGH, u D.
Commissioner, Delta, Delia county, Colorado,
on Saturday. the ilth day IL July, lisl.
He xoAves the following vii nesscs to prove the
c6IeplJs5 Irrigation and reclamation Of said
land:
barnet Long. Bennett Reed: Charles Mcksve y
and william ]. Gips, all Of Cetaretge. Delta Co
Colorado.
DAVID Il. CROSBY. Register.
First pub. June s; last pub. July 10
The Delta independent., 1903-06-19
The Four-Mlnute Eaa.

Cynical Boarder-Here, waiter!
Waiter-Yes. sab; yes. sab!
Cynical Boarder-When asked you
for four-minute egg you evidently
misunderstood. l meant one that has
been in boiling water for that period
and not one that lacked four minutes
Of Matching.
The Delta independent., 1903-06-19
A Case for Caution.

II see,' said the man on the rear
platform. that French scientists have
at last discovered the secret of lorg
life'
"Sh-sh-sf-sh!" hissed the other fel-
low. Don't let that old man on the
back seat hear you. He's my father.
in.law, and he's rich!"
The Delta independent., 1903-06-19
The American Mother

Is a monthly magazine devoted to
raising the standards Of home life
and motherhood. Its 6S pages are
full of help for the mother, not alone
regarding the baby. but all other mat
ters pertaining to the home and Its
management The American Mother
Co, Battle Creek, Michigan.
The Delta independent., 1903-06-19
lmmen,e cireulatIon Of slbIe.

The Bible is now widely read in
India. At Singapore 1t is stated the
British and Foreign Biblo Society. VIII
sell the Scriptures in over seventy-fy-
languages and dialects. The Bible
has also been translated into sixty-six
of the languages and dialects of AZ
rica.
The Delta independent., 1903-06-19
Conditions In ireland.

The census of 1901 reveals the sad
fact that more than half the total pop
ulaticn OF Ireland belongs to the non-
productive class. They are actually
more numerous than the professional.
commercial. industrial. agricultural
and domestic classes together. This
fact is at the root Of Ireland's pow
erty.
The Delta independent., 1903-06-19
Couldn't Do Worse.

Young man." said the stern father.
do you think you are in position
to support my daughter in the style
to which she has been accustomed? ?"
Sure thing" replied the knowing
youth. why, only last week she re-
fused to accompany me to the theater
because she had nothing to wear"
The Delta independent., 1903-06-19
N..,c. for ras,ieasie..

LAND oYTicE AT MosrRosH. CoIOHApo,
May II, 1908.
Notice IL hereby given thai the ioliow ing named
settler has Aled notice Of his intention To make
final proof In support Of his claim and thai said
pruof will be made before Milton Il. welch,
u. 4. Commissioner. at Delta Delta county, Col
Ornio, on Saturday. June ~. 1908. viz:
.ORIN u. BROOKS
on his u 8. No. 2t:5 Ute series, for the ne u, sc
u, Sec. sG. town. h ip -. 8. X. 95 W 9th p. IN.
lie names the following witnesses III prove his
continuous residence upon aud cultivation Of
said land. viz.
Garrct 4 Gipe. wIey d Hawkins, Aiotzo
Hamilton, James X. Ialinar, all Of Eckert, Delta
county, Colorado.
DAVID II. CROSBY. Register.
First pub May Is; last June 10.
The Delta independent., 1903-06-19
oxerhe.ra hi r.o,.a

Mrs. Harris-How do they make the
balloons go up7
Mrs. Gamp-They toss some sand
out. to be sure.
Mrs. Harris-And what do they do
when they want to come down?
Mrs Gamp-Tney put some more in,
Of course.
The Delta independent., 1903-06-19
Natural Deduction.

Edyth-Yes. Jack is inclined to fiirt
a little. but his neart is in the right
place!
Mayme--IEdeed! How lons has 1t
been In yoSr possession
The Delta independent., 1903-06-19
Prejudice.

George " nshington was the father
Of his country, you know"
Il specks So" said Nanny Brown.
"but desc yere Cinnamon don deserve
to count even fob stepchillun.
Washington Star.
The Delta independent., 1903-06-19
Great Speed on typewriter.

Miss Mary e. Prettyman. a type
writer. engaged in copying records In
the patent office at Washington, wrote
1880 words in 6h hours the other
day. 1t is believed she is the worlds
champion.
The Delta independent., 1903-06-19
To celebrat. Emancipation.

The anniversary of the emancipa-
tion of 23.OO0.OO0 Russian peasants.
liberated by Alexander II in 1861, is
to be celebrated hereafter in the orth.
odox churches by elaborate thanksgiv-
ing services instead Of by q single
requeim mass.