Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1903-11-21
CARv|NCII THE TURKEY
Troubles Over lthe First One
in a New Household.
OLDTHEMEELAB
SIMPLE ENoUGHyTo TAKE PLACE
ANYWHERE.
A Good, CHEEKY Story That Will Brush
Away Everyday
Worries.
OLDTHEME ELABORATED
Written for The Evening Star

thence on his, the clouds had drifted away
before a storm could gather. Within their
little home dwelt love and peace and con-
tentment, and they looked forward to
Thanksgiving with peculiar interest.
Because it will be our first Thanksgiv-
ing turkey" he said with smile.
Because am to cook it,, she said with
pride in her tones.
And are you sure-sure-?'
THAT know how to stuff and bake
turkey? George, can you doubt me?'
And am sure that know how to select
the finest bird in the market. l to select
you to stuff and bake 1t is d day and
dinner to look forward to-
The day came when the turkey was
bought and sent home. There was an en-
chanting plumpness about it, and that
same enchanting plumpness brought about
doubt in the husbands mind.
IF you are not sure that you know how
to cook turkey he began.
But l do, sir. If the turkey has been
selected by a person who knows fat and
tender bird from a tough old patriarch-'
Their first quarrel on the tapis, but
both restrained themselves and happily
averted it, The turkey was put aside on
ice until it should go into the oven next
day, and the cherub of love continued to
nestle.
He nestled while the young wife pre-
pared the stuffing and filled the vacuum
and put in the basting stitches. she
had seen her mother do on several occa-
sions, and as she had no doubt she could
do just as well, or better. He nestl-
ing still when the table was set for the
feast, and there was smile OF affection
and pride on the husbands face with
his own hands the bird was finally trans
ferred from the oven.
1t Is the finest one l ever saw" said
the wife, as she touched up the table
here and there before sitting down.
In
the world could have prepared it thus"
was the reply, accompanied with a kiss.
The Trouble Begins.
A Thanksgiving turkey must be carved
before 1t is eaten. This fact suddenly
stared husband and wife in the face, and
for moment each looked anxious and
perturbed. Then their faces cleared
simultaneously.
George" she said. as she brought the
blush at her forgetfulness. you have
never carved turkey in your life and
What! l have never carved a turkey!'
ne interrupted te I beg to correct you;
You could never have possibly carved
anything beyond quail and will now
give you your first lesson"
1T would be such pity to haggle it."
Who's going to haggle? You talk as
IT had never seen a turkey. You would
mt know how or where to begin if you
started in ,.
Il don't like TO have you speak to me
In that tone. have proved to you that /
know how to bake a turkey. and 1 will
now prove that I know how to carve one
as Well Let me have the knife and fork"
Not today, my dear. / hunted all over
town to find this bird, and there must be
no botchw0rk Many a dinner has been
ruined and many a life embittered by the
attempt of some idiot to handle a carving
knife and fork. l know what l am at, and
you will obige me by offering no sugges-
tons
He Left the Place.
At this point the cherub of love discover
ed that he had business elsewhere, and the
little devil of acrimony came sailing in to
take the vacant place. The husband, by
the divine right of muscular power, retain
ed possession of the carving utensils and
proceeded upon scientific principles. That
is, he surveyed the bird from all sides, and
wondered whether his two stumpy legs
ought to be pulled out by the roots as
first movement. He might have attempted
it but for the wife, who seemed to divine
his thoughts and said:
why don't you take him by the leg and
begin to carve? You don't propose to stab
him in the back, do your
when / get ready to carve I shall
carve" he answered, with great frigidity.
There is where most people make their
great mistake In carving. They go at the
bird as if they were stabbing and slashing
at a dead porker. I shall get to work pres
emily, but there is no occasion for haste"
After five minutes more Of scientific
principles he seized a leg and began a sur
gical operation on the patients thighbone
She Disliked Slashing.
''Now, what on earth are you trying to
do7" demanded the wife. as she instructive
ly reached for the knife. IF you had ever
carved a turkey before you would know bet
ter than to slash away as If you had a
razor in your hand. You want to cut around
the leg and bend it up to slip the bone out
of it's socket"
Not If 1 am a man instead of a wolf" he
holly replied. You bend the leg down.
always down."
You never do.
you always do"
win you please remember that am the
head of this house.
"One of the heads only
Then followed a lull during which the
husband planned a campaign and set about
carrying out the details. When he came to
look more closely at the body before him on
the big platter, he conceived the idea that
nature designed the legs to help a man out
of a Thanksgiving fix. Taken one in each
hand, and sufficient muscular exertion
used the bird ought to rip open like a ripe
SQUASH Such feat would save half the
carving.
you mustn't-you cant-you shan'tr'
cried the wife, as she fathomed his inten-
tons.
Madam, stand back
IT won't do it. You might as well call in
two dogs and let them
But he grasped the legs and pulled and
yanked and wrenched until he even moved
the table about
The Bird Was Strong.
It was no go. The bird declined to give
way to any such treatment.
When failure was realized, the husband
picked up knife and fork again to work
upon another new idea. He would con-
struct q subway to tap the interior and
make it yield up its 1stuffing. He began
cutting a hole In the SIDE but had not drift
ed In very far when the wife cried out
through her tears: ~
THAT'S simply .0butchery If my father
had known what sort of man you were he'd
never have given his"
"Aud I wish he hadn't" snapped George
as he flourished the knife and fork in the
air.
DO you say that to me, George Pearson?
I 60 back to my mother tomorrow. have
found out at last what villain you are
and"
And it makes me tired. If you had let me
alone In the first place should have had
the carving all done by now"
"You have never carved-you will never
To