The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1903-03-30

HSlp yUu, duuCu. L oiiooih
like to feel, and to be able to say that
ever lived. Come back here next Thurs
day, and bring Columbus and Vespucci
with you. Well leave Ericsson out, be-
cause, between you and me, he strikes me
as the most troublesome character of the
lott yts
The following Thursday came in due
course, and with it, along about eleven
and the two witnesses. The first to go oE
the witness stand was Columbus.
You are the Columbus who is alleged
to have discovered American" I asked.
Il am, said he, flushing a trife with
INDIGNATION at my use of the word "al-
leged.'' #~z 8
You have really been to American"
asked.
'.Tush!'s he cried in Spanish. How
futile such questioning! OF course
have.'' -..-a-. .-s. u.
did you land at Castle Garden, or
Ellis Island?' I asked.
Never heard Of either" he replied, sul-
lenly
cat what port of entry did you enter tho
new land?' I demanded. New Orleans,
Boston, New York, Galveston, or San
Francisco?''
''They are all new names to me-" said
Columbus. ~'=':z- @>zr.~-2tt7a -
"Give me your impressions Of Chicago.
I put in.
us this man crazy, or am II" cried CO.
lumbus. What the devil is Chicago that
I should have impressions concerning
it?' -: : -, =
DO you consider the capitol building at
Washington good architecture, or not?"
l asked, ignoring his question.
II am sure I. don't know what you
mean." cried Columbus, petulantly.
Good" said l. "And now for one mors
question. At what point does the Chesa-
peake river flow into the Bay of Fundy?"
What is this gibberish you are talk
ing, any way?" demanded Columbus.
chesapeake River? Bay of Fundy1
Never heard of 'em before
'"That will do, Mr.. Columbus said
T.. eve shall need no further testimony
from you. Now. Solomon. please call
Amerigo Vespucci to the stand"
The famous explorer was summoned
and in a moment I had him also on the
rack. --.
Your name is Vespucci?' III
"AmerigO Vespucci.' 4FETs
Named after American" - -
Before it,
"Ab! Have you ever been to American"
Vespucci flushed angrily.
Certainly" he said. How else could
claim the discovery?' s f..
torted drily. Now. Mr.. Vespucci 1
should like to have you state to me the
essential differences between Philadelphia
and city like Madrid, for instance"
Between WHAT"
philadelphia and Madrid"
| "Hurnph!' calculated Vespucci. "Phl-
adelphta is new one on me-"
DO you consider that New York re-
sembles Paris or London the more?"
Il have never seen New York. Where
| is it?''
1T is on the east, north, south and
west of the Bowery, Mr.. Vespucci''
The Bowery, eh?' he queried, scratch
| ing his head with a perplexed grin on his
face We'll, you've got me there. Mr..
| Homes. To be quite frank with you, I
never heard of the Bowery.'
Wh la1,s are your impressions Of the
ashington?"
Didn't know there was such a build-
! ing
And your opinion Of Pittsburg as q
| factor in civilization?''
| Excuse me, King Solomon" said Yes
pucci, but I must ask what this line OF
inquiry is intended to develop. Mr.. Homes
might as well converse in Greek as ask
me. to answer such questions as he mas
been putting
The examination is in Mr.. Homes
hands," said the Arbitrator. II cannot
| interfere. Proceed, Mr.. Homes"
| Il have no further questions to putt
said I. ''The examination is finished as
far as I am concerned, and I think should
prove conclusively, your honor, that nei-
Their of these gentlemen discovered Amer
lea. When a man pretends to have dis
| covered America, and yet knows nothing
of Pittsburg, Philadelphia, New York and
| Washington, you may rest assured that
he has merely sighted it, not discovered
1t. therefore recommend that you re-
port to the Historical society that neither
Columbus nor Vespucci is guilty. 49,
| Him" said Solomon. "And that the
country has not been discovered at all?''
Il should not go so far as that said
! I, gathering up my papers and preparing
| to leave. 1.-The inquiry was confined to
| the services Of these two parties to the
controversy Out of their own mouths
/ they are shown to know nothing of the
country they claim to have discovered.
! There, it seems to me, the scope of this
controversy ends
| Still said Solomon, gazing at his feet,
| ref1ectively, cit leaves the controversy
open. Somebody did it, = -
"Ah-very true" said I, but as to that,
we are unable to inquire. 1t is my opin-
! ion that America has been discovered, and
I think suspicion attaches either to MIR.
Andrew Carnegie or to gentleman named
Dooley-Mr. Doofey-but-''
why not summon them?'' demanded
/ Salamon. .s s.. .=..... ..-.. .t..-5.
| ''They are not yet within the jurisdic-
tion of the court, your honor said I.
and with that the inquiry came to an
end and I am informed that the verdict
of mot proven rendered later by Solo
mon. was received with approval, though
based upon novel point. r..
| Il wonder, Homes said Columbus to
me later. that YOU didn't attribute the
discovery of America to Emperor VIII
liam
My reason is perfectly simple said /.
1.-The Kaiser hasn't done. it yet. but
Judge from the news that occasionally
penetrates down here from the uppe.
regions that he is getting there. Give
him time. and a few more Venezuela
troubles. and he will discover America al
right. America is willing, and the kaiser's
muscle is up.
Il With which sage observation. on my
part, the episode came to a close.
BLUSHING
Detroit Free Press.
One of the most i'll founded of all pop.
ular delusions is that blushins is thu