Arizona republican., 1903-03-15
M R: :::s:D.O<OI.E"Y..
MT. Dooley on the Achievements of Congress

ye? Well, tn House iv Riprisintatives has passed a bill irritatin' tn arid plains iv tn West. an a bill to relieve tn Filipinos iv tn necessity iv askin' fir relief. It has passed tn chewin' tobacco, tn flask, tn time iv day, tn buck an tn lie direct It has sung OF Lang Syne' an it's gone home That's good record fir tn House.
 The Shit With it's thraditions grim with age is still goin' on, Hinnissy. Me frind Tiddy Rosenfelt wrote thm let ther sayin' that they had done we'll They were a credit to tn country an he was as proud iv thim as he cud be oorsidherin' tn diff'rence in their age tie Wud like to pat thim on tn head but he cut on'y pull their whiskers. 'Slnitors,' says he, mo Shit since I come iv age has eXcelled ye. If anny- wan iv ye want a ricommindation as Sinitor somewheres else. I will write it fr ye. I have found ye faithful, ac- comydatin', obligin', industhrees. hon. est yes, in deed. I have niver known ye to fail in politeness in showin' ne tn dure. Ye have we'll fulfilled tn best thraditions iv ye'er hon'rable body out Ye haVnt done amy wurruk, so I mus call ye in extra sesSyon an ask ye to get busy if ye don't want to be an aver- lastin' disgrace to tn counthry,' ne says.
 An there ye ar-re. That's tn throuble, says ye? They ain't amy throuble. It's a question iv sinitoryal courtesy. Whats that? Well, Hinnissy ye see, there ain't amy rules in tn shit. Ivrybody gets up whin he wants to an hollers about annything that comes into his head. Whin Dorgan was in Wash nton, he wint to hear tn debate on tn naval bill an sinitor was r-readin' tn Life iv Napolyon to another sinitor who was asleep. Sini- toryal courtesy rules tn body. If ye let me talk, I'll let ye sleep. Tn pre- sidin' officer can't come down with his hammer an bid wan iv thim vin'rabla men, grim with thraditions. to chase himself firm tn flure. In such a case il wud be parlyminthry fir tn grim sini- tor to heave an ink-well at tn presid- in officer. Undher sinitoryal courtesy it is proper an aven affable to call fellow -sinitor a liar It is tn hith iv courtesy to rush over an push his cigar down his throat, to take him be tn hair an dhrag him around tn room, or to slap him in tn eye on account iv q diff'rence iv opinyon about collectors iv internal rivinue. Southern sinitors has been known to use a small case knife in Q conthrovarsy. It is etiket to take off ye'er boots in tn heat iv debate It is courteous fir a sinitor to go to sleep an swallow his teeth while another sinitor is maxim a speech. But wanst a sinitor is on his feet, it is tn hith iv misbehavyor to stop him except fir tn purpose iv givin' him poke in tn nose. Afther a rough an tumble fight, tn sinitor who prevyously had tn fiurc can get up firm it if able an raysume his spectacles, his wig an his speech. But while he has wan syllable left in his face, he is tn monarch iV all he surveys. No rules fir thim oP boys. Ye can say annythin' against thim but if ye attack that pala jeem iv our liberties, tn sacred right to drool, they rally at wanst. Me frind Sinitor Morgan knew this an says he: 'Gintlemen, they'se q bill here I don't want to see passed. t's a mischeevous, foul, criminal bill. I didn't inthrojooce it. 1 don't wish to obsthruct it. If annywan says I do, sinitoryal courtesy will compel me to
 jam tn libel down his throat with a stove litter. 1 will on'y make a speech about it. In tn year fourteen hun dherd an two An so he goes on. He's i been talkin' ever since, an he's ony go, down to tn sixteenth cinchry where tn question broadens out. No wan stops him. Tn air is full iv his
 wurruds. Sinitors lave Wash'nton an
 go home an spind a week with tn l family an come back an that grim ol
 vethran is still there, poorin' out moist an numerous language. They'se nc
 raison why he shudden't talk f'river.
 hope he will. I don't care whether he
 does or not. I haven't a frind in tn Shit As fir tn Panama Canal, 'tis
 thirty to wan I'll niver take a ride on it
 But that's sinitoryal courtesy
 Whats to be done about it?' asked
 MT. Hennessy.
 What do I do whin ye an ye'er aget
 frinds stay here whin ye ought to b'
 home?" asked MT. Dooley.
 "Ye tur-rn out tn gas,'' said MT. Hen
 messy.
 "An' that's what I'd do with tn
 Sinit' said MT. Dooley.
 Acker's Blood Elixir positively cure