davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-03-04
ANIMAL ODDITIES.

Birds never eat frefies and really
seem to shun their vicinity.
North American reindeer usually Sc
lect an old doe for their leader.
The temperature of a swallows body
IL extraordinarily high, no less than
liz degrees L.
Cats and beasts of prey reflect fifty
times as much light from their eyes as
human beings.
The average lake trout lays 5000
eggs each season, and the whitefish
greater number.
The female English viper does not
lay eggs. She matches them internally
and brings forth her young alive.
Parrots are usually vegetarians
though the Kea parrots of New Zea.
land have developed fondness for
sheep.
Garfish, sunfsh, basking sharks and
dolphins all have the habit of swim
ming with their eyes above the surface
of the water.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-03-04

Balzac was once asked by French
publisher to write an article on the
Rue Richelleu. He named his terms,
which today would not seem excessive,
but the publisher considered them out
rageous, whereupon Balzac replied: III
| am to describe the Rue Richelieu In
a way worthy of the street and OF my
self, must know 1t thoroughly and
must not upon any account fail to In
vestigate all that specially character
ICES it. l shall have to commence by
lunching at the Cafe Cardinal; then
must buy a gun and cravat pin at the
two shops next door to each other.
After that must go to the tailor's at
the corner Of the Rue st. Marc "Oh,
don't go any farther than that" inter-
rupted the publisher In alarm. "You
would come to the Indian shop next,
and things there are fabulous pricew
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-03-04
nl.ln't nOthcr Him.

A German clergyman who was trav-
cling stopped ut hotel much frequent
ed by ways and jokers. The host, not
being used to having clergyman at
his table, looked ut him with surprise
The guests used all their raillery OF
wit upon him without eliciting re-
mark. The clergyman ate his dinner
quietly, apparently without observing
the gibes and sneers of his nelghbors.
One of them, at last. in despair ut his
forbearance, said to him: "Well. won
der at your patience. Have you not
heard all that has been said to youW
ooh, yes; but am used to 1t. Do you
know who | amF NO sir" "Well. l
will inform you. l am chaplain OF n
lunatic asylum. Such remarks have
no effect upon me-"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-03-04
WEAK IN THE ALPHABET.
Some Letters That Men Can Never
Learn to Make.

Learn to Make.
''Why Is 1t that with some men some
letters of the alphabet are harder to
make than others and, In fact, that
there are some letters that some men
never learned how to make? asked q
young man who takes considerable in
terest In the matter of handwriting In
the New Orleans Times Democrat. at
is rather singular fact that nearly
every man outside of the experts Is
weak on one or more of the letters in
the English alphabet. Sometimes the
letter involved Is n capital letter; some
times it is of the smaller kind; some
times 1t is one letter and sometimes
another. In any event, you will find
few men who are exempt from the fall
ing referred to-
II know of one man who In spite OF
the fact that he does a great deal of
| writing has never learned how to make
a capital l.. He simply makes q stag
| ger at 1t, and, as n rule, the result of
his efforts will look more like a small
p than like the capital p. l know an
| other man who can't make a small
to save his life He can never get the
lower part of the letter below the line.
| He makes 1t look like clubfooted b
| instead of an (. There are others who,
when they try to make the small b,
give 1t the long shank, and 1t looks
more like the letter (. 1t is rather sim
gular that these traits should hang on
to mans writing for lifetime. but
they do 1t Just the same, and IL you
make n few inquiries among your
friends and acquaintances you will find
that but few of them are exempt from
this fault
ut Is very much like the habit Of
| spelling certain words incorrectly.
Many men who are rated as first class
spoilers pass through life without ever
in single instance spelling certain
words correctly. 1t is due to habit
largely. II you should ask them how
to spell the word, they would tell you.
but, when they go to write 1t, that is
quite different. and they will get 1t
wrong every time. So they know. too,
how certain letters should be made, but
they simply can't put them down on
| paper. 1t Is curious but common
| fault"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-03-04

what on earth are you doing In
here, Tommy asked his mother, peer
ing into the darkness of the henhouse,
whence had been coming for five min
utes or more series of dismal squawk-
ings, accompanied by loud Tapping
of wings.
II am trying" said Tommy. who
seemed to be doing something with a
knotted rope. ito fix this rooster SO his
alarm won't go off before o'clock to-
morrow morning Literature.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-03-04

The 100 ruble note Of Russia Is
barred from top to bottom with all the
colors of the rainbow, blended as when
shown through a prism. In the center
In bold relief stands large, finely ex-
ecuted vlgnettc of the Empress Cath
crime l. This Is in black. The other
engraving is not Mt all intricate or elab-
crate. but Is well done in dark and
light brown and black inks.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-03-04
His Usual Preferences.

"What kind OF meat have you this
morning, Larry?" asked the board Of
trade operator.
well, SIR" said the butcher, 1--WE
got some fine bear steak and some beef
that's just bully
"H'mph. Give me some lambw -
Chicago Tribune.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-03-04
The Last DueIins CIersymen.

when did clergymen cease to fight
duelsT' is a startling inquiry in Notes
and Queries. 1t will be news to many
cxhilarating pastime. But, as a mat
ter of fact. the Rev. Mr.. Allan fought
q duel with Lloyd Delany, Esq, and
killed him In Hyde park In 1882. He
was convicted Of manslaughter and
fined ! shilling plus six months in New
Uofa
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-03-04
Business.

Merchant - Did you find out what
that gentleman wanted?
New Clerk-No, but found out what
he didn't want.
Northumberland How dare you
New Clerk-And l sold 1t to him.
Catholic Standard and Times.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-03-04
Related Kindness.

Mr. Smith lin street car-Madam.
take my seat.
Mrs. Jones (who has been standing
fifteen mlnutes)-No, thanks. | get or
at the next corner.
Mr.. Smith-Thats all right. SO do l.
Chicago Journal.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-03-04

Dearborn-What have you got that
string tied about your finger for?
Wabash-Oh, I've been getting mar
ried, and my wife doesn't want me to
forget it.-Boston Herald.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-03-04

PolltIclan-Ill do what can to get
work for you.
Citizen-I don't want work; what I'm
after is city job.-Exchange.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-03-04

''How did your husband enjoy his
visit to the Alhambra?" inquired the
friend of the family.
He was ticlSled most to DEATH" re-
piled Mrs. Gaswell. HE killed snake
there"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-03-04
M Une MT All.

He (who has offended herr Won
you look up at me?
Shelf did, you'd kiss me again.
He--No; honest, | won't.
She-Then what's the usef-Life.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-03-04
sweet Peace Asnured.

Rufus-Nossuh! All don't have no
mo- trouble wifi de boss at de shop.
Uncle Remus : Huh! Yo' mus "a
done reformed yo' ways, den. Is yo'?
Rufus-Nossuh! Ah'se done quit dc
joh!-Chicago News.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-03-04

A man never knows what a con-
science he has until asked to tell a lie
to shield some one he never liked very
well anyway.-Atchison Globe. g
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-03-04
Poverty.

He-But poverty is no disgrace.
She-Um-m, no: but there are no
medals connected with it either
Judge.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-03-04
Quite Another Thing.

HE was unable to meet his bills, l
understand"
well, that's where you're wrong.
He couldn't dodge hem."--Chicago
Post.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-03-04
Knew what He Wanted.

Hypocrisy becomes a necessity for
those who live scandalously.-D Defined.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-03-04

Leave your worries at home when
you travel. You can get fresh sup
ply anywhere.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-03-04
SHIRT w AISTS.
MEMS FANCY HALF HOSE

for Spring and Summer-lMPoRTED-an
unusual assortment at 25c and SOC pair.
These goods are worth picking up NOW.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1903-04-17
THINGS MOI WELL SAID.
Two Stories That Show the Value OF
Slow Speech

An English author has given some
very amusing examples of how things
can be said in d queer way. One of
the most unfortunate recorded at,
tempts to escape from converse
tional difficulty was made by a Lon
don curate. who cultivated the friend
ship Of mechanics.
One day carpenter came to him
and said
Il 9ave brought my boys likeness,
as you said you'd like to have it.
How good of you to remember!'
said the urate. What capital like
ness. How is he?'
why. sir, don't you remember"
said the carpenter He's dead
"Oh, yes, of course know that"
replied the curate. Il mean, how's
the man that took the photograph ?"
A story is told of young laborer
who, on his way to his days work
allied at the registrars office to regis
ter his fathers death. When the Of
fetal asked the date of the event, the
son replied:
He ain dead yet but he'll be dead
before night so | Thought it would
save me ano,'ler journey if you would
put it down now.
oh, but tha, went do al all, said
The registrar. "Perhaps your father
Will live till tomorrow
We'll | don't know sir: the doc
tor says as he won't; and he knows
what he has given him"
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1903-04-17
COLONIZATION OF SOUTHWEST
Aid Requested and Inducements Offer
ed by the Iron Mountain Route.

'lt is the object of the manage
ment of the Iron Mountain route to
encourage and aid in every way pos
sible, the development of the agr-
cultural mineral and industrial re
sources of the great southwest To
accomplish this purpose the assist
er, miner, merchant and profession
al man in that section is earnestly
requested.
An increase in production in your
section means a corresponding in.
crease in wealth and larger distribu-
tion of capital in the community
1t means inerchsed prosperity for
all. The only way to obtain this in
creased production is to invite home
|, seekers and homemakers to come
and settle in your section Once lay
before them i'll Il clear and intelli
gent manner the many advantages o.
. the southwestern states and they vii!
come Show thcm United States 2Ov
ernment statistics relative to the pro
ducti0n of crops and minerals in thaf
section. also statistics relative 10 the
unparalleled climatic conditions which
prevail year in and year out, thus in
suring Uniform crops, and they VIII
De o@2@r To accept your Invitations
Let every one Interested send in
the names of prospective settlers and
the lien Mountain route will attend
@ Them. Descriptive and illustra=
ted literature Will be sent them of Mi
sour; Arkansas, Louisiana and TcS.
as, and very low ratesof transportation
,tferod them to come and see for
themselves
1--WE are bending every effort to
cOlouize the southwest with deSirable
class of settlers. 1t is to your inter
est TO cooperate with us"
For further information, call on
nearest ticket agent of the company,
or address.
II. C. TOWNSEND,
General Passenger and Ticket Agent
ST Louis, Mo.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1903-04-17
A ChampIon Cusser.

At Wichita Mrs. Pearl Williams has
sued for divorce. She alleges that one
lay four weeks after her marriage she
traded a can OF cherries Tor some fresh
truit to a neighbor. That night when
her husband came home aid found
that she had made this small dicker
he commenced to swear Mrs. Will
liams declares that for six straight
hours he swore a blue a sulphurous
stream that swelled and : ined in vol
me as it flowed onward. At last she
led from the house in d lay. She
sta. ed a. V, too, and lSht suit
for divorce. And now Judge Dale will
pass upon the artistic vehemence Of
the man who could swear six straight
hours after only four weeks of mar.
"iage.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1903-04-17
4 Little Ones Love

Sl,1s and stars in the heavens above.
But a life that longs fer little ones
love;
y lileae G s love in the far away
The sweetest rose in the red o M2yt
She is climbing up to KISS me
Her lips smile t4eie.
And I'm rieh in TIE wealth
OF the gold Of hcr hair!
stae a tke ro1;in and moan o the dove
] am my Tonight for d Iittle ones
To see IN her dear eyes Gods tenaerest
light.
And fold back her tresses, and kiss ~,
Good night"
She is climbing TO kiss me
How shines the dream there
And I'm kissing the curls
OF her beautiful hair!
And .he wide world is weary, and ever
/ seem
To move like shadow thai drifts
through a dream,
And earth will not answer-nor heaven
above,
When l cry in the dark for little ones
love!
She is climbing to kiss ne,
Still radiant there,
And in dreams | am kissing
Her beautiful hair
Frank l.. Stanton in Atlanta Consti-
tuition.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1903-04-17
Too Much Conservatism.

DR.. s. f. Young. Presbyterian
clergyman of Pittsburg, is in an indig.
nant frame Of mind because of the ac-
ton of his fellow pastors. At meet.
;ns OF the Pittsburg presbytery to con-
slider creed revision DR.. Young was
one of the principal speakers. While
he was there word was brought that
one OF his church members was on aer
deathbad and wished to see him. The
anti-reyisionists refused to let him
leave the meeting until vote had
been had ed by that time the church
lelnher h 4 died without being COM
ted by he pastors mnistrations.
f4.1nds Of the deceased are much in
censed ever the affair
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1903-04-17
S!CnI ard EeTf CIcars.

It is not always because a cigar IL
badly made that the wrapper ctrls
up and works off, says the Tobacco
Worker. 1t is often because a right.
handed man is smoking left-handed
cigar A "leftaanded cigar" is one
rolled by the makers left hand, for
all cigarmakers must be ambidex-
trous. A piece Of tobacco for the wrap
per is cut on the bias and is rolled
from left to right on the filler. The
other piece for reasons Of economy
is then used and must be rolled the
opposite way by the operators other
hand. Hence, a smoker who holds
cigar in his right hand, sometimes
twisting it about, rubs the wrapper
the wrong way and looseps It,
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1903-04-17
Coal Instead Of C.ci1.

The young people Of Wo@fehester
a suburb of New York, have formed
what they eall the anti-@oa Trust
Club. Their first u,sAlic eGf2rtaiI},
ment is about t. - given a3al tha
price OF admission has been fixed *
one pound of anthracite coal. the
patron not being restricted 20 that
amount, of course, it being merely the
minimum weight.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1903-04-17
FRISCO READERS.

Coloni5t rates to southwest. HOme-
seekers rates 10 southwest Tickets
en- sale twice month.
General assembly Presbyterian
church, Los Angeles, Cal, May 21-June
,
Grand Army of the Republic, San
Francisco, Cal, August 1922.
National Association Master Plumb
ers, San Francisco, CAL May 1922
Oneway colonist rate, California
and the northwest, April /, June 80.
Southern Baptist convention, Savan-
nah Ga, May ia.
National Educational association,
Boston, Mass, July 6-10.
National Conference Charities, At
lanta, Ga, May 6-12.
Baptist Young Peoples Union, At
lanta, Ga. July 9-12.
Write for full information. J. N. Cor
natzar, Division Passenger Agent,
Memphis, Tenn.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1903-04-17
bUcKNER &
LANSING
Strained Relations.

It took place in a dairy.
The dairyman was pouring large
quantities of milk through a fine wire
netting.
There were microbes in the milk.
Other microbes by the hundred were
sitting on the edge of the crock and
gayly looking on.
Their relations were being strained
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1903-04-17

Patriotism and politics seldom work
together at the polls.
Be sure of your facts before at
tempting to pose as liar.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1903-12-31
Governors Proclamation.

WHEREAS, 1t has been known to me,
by affidavit, that Richard Robson, on
the 18th day of November, 1903, came
to his death, in Audubon township,
Audubon County, Iowa; that the cor
oner's jury, after an inquest held,
found that the said Richard Robson's
death was caused by blow upon the
head, felonously delivered by some
person unknown to the said jury; and
that the person guilty of the murder
of the said Richard Robson is to the
authorities unknown and has not been
Appended and brought to justice.
Now THEREFORE,, Albert B. Cum
minis, Governor of the State of Iowa,
by virtue of authority in me vested by
law, do hereby offer Reward of
Three Hundred Dollars for the /appre-
hension of the person who committed
the said murder and his devivery to
the proper authorities, to be dealt
with according TO law; the said re-
ward to be paid only upon the convic-
ton OF the party so apprehended
and provided further that the said re-
ward shall not be paid for the convic-
ton of any person under arrest at the
time this proclamation is issued.
In testimony whereof l have hereun-
to set my hand and caused to be affix-
ed the Great Seal of the State. Done
this 10Th day of December, 1903.
[SEALl ALBERT B. CUMMINS.
BY the Governor.
w. B. MARTIN.
Secretary of State.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1903-12-31
To Audubon County Citizens.

During the campaign closed but a
few weeks ago, / believe said moth
ing in these columns concerning my
estimate of legislative office. That
is my excuse for this note to you. ]
think that one chosen to legislative
position should be in truth and in fact
a representative of those who elected
him. think he should try faithfully
to ascertain their views on subjects
likely to come up and that he ought,
to the best of his knowledge and abil-
ity, reflect and carry out the senti-
ments of his constituency. He is not
true representative if he does
not do this. l shall be glad to have
any of you call on me or address me
by letter concerning any subject in
which you are interested that is likely
to come up in the general assembly
this winter. 1 will be at Audubon un-
til Jan. 6, after which time I might be
addressed at The Elliott, Des Moines.
Thanking you for the confidence you
have signified you have in me / am,
Yours Truly,
d. G. MOTT.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1903-12-31
What a Real Leader Can Do.

Two respectable women of Council
Bluffs, Iowa, were brutally assaulted
on Christmas night. Two negroes
were arrested, were identified on Mon
day by the victims, and were put in
Jail to await the action of the grand
jury next week. There was no delay
of justice and no prospect of the
escape of the accused from legal pun
ishment.
I Nevertheless, owing to the intense
indignation that the crime naturally
aroused, late Monday night mob
gathered about the Jail. The city
police were unable to dispense the
mob, which had begun to break into
the jail. The troops had been sum-
moned, and there was every prospect
of either an unlawful execution or a
bloody conflict.
Then Walter L. Smith, for eight
years Circuit Judge and now the Con-
gresham of the district, mounted the
courthouse steps, faced the mob, and
showed what a real leader of men can
do.
First he induced the husband of one
of the victims to GO home and let the
law take it's course. Then he pleaded
with the mob to follow theexample set
by man most vitality interested in
the proper punishment of the crime,
and urged that nothing be done to
bring disgrace upon the city and state.
Congressman Smith is known as a
worker rather than q talker in public
life, but judged by results, few men
have talked more effectively than he
did in that wintry midnight hour. 1t
was one man against an angry thous-
and, and one man prevailed.
Council Bluffs, the state of Iowa,
and all right thinking men throughout
the nation owe debt of gratitude to
the Hon. Walter /. Smith. Against
great odds, and in the face of the nat
ural impulse to summary vengeance
which such a crime inspires in every
decent man, he upheld successfully
those orderly processes of the law
which are the corner stones of civiliz-
alton. Chicago Inter Ocean.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1903-12-31
Wedding in Melville Township.

At the home of the BRIDES parents
one half mile east of Bethel church,
in the presence of a housefull of i'm
mediate relatives, occurred the mar
riage of Miss Lille M. Weston to Mr..
Joseph Oscar Finch, of Greeley town
ship. Promptly at high noon to the
music of wedding march played by
the brides sister on the piano the
happy young couple led by the Off
ciating minister marched across the
parlor to the opposite side of the
room, and with short and impressive
ceremony these two young hearts were
made one. After congratulations the
company sat down to wedding din
ner which was calculated to satisfy
the appetites of the most fastidious.
The bride and groom received num-
Der of useful and valuable presents as
tokens of esteem and good wishes.
Mr.. and Mrs. Finch will spend
about month in Greeley township
and will then move to farm one mile
south and one mile west of Bethel
church where they will be at home
and will farm the coming year. The
good wishes of their many friends go
with them. May their voyage through
life be prosperous and happy.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1903-12-31
Telephone Change.

We understand that Prof. Hooker
has traded his entire holding of stock
in the Audubon County Telephone Co.
to B. F. Simpson, of Oakfeld, the
consideration being some of the farm
land owned by Mr.. Simpson in the
vicinity of his home. We are not adj
vised as to the money value of the
transfer but presume it runs into the
thousands quite ways. Should this
deal bring the elder Mr.. Simpson to
Audubon to live it would be cause for
congratulation. Prof. Hooker has
been pioneer in the telephone bust
ness here and has done much to make
success of the enterprise which he is
retiring from.
The changes in the officers of the
company this transfer will make have
not yet been decided upon, but the ac-
tive management will remain in the
hands of w. B. Swaney and L. E.
Simpson.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1903-12-31
We understand that the late C. F.

We understand that the late C. F.
Drake, mentioned in the clipping be-
low was an uncle of our townsman
A.. F. Drake.-Fort Scott, Kan. Dec.
28.-The distribution of the largest
estate ever left by testator In this
county hinges upon four words writ
ten by the testator shortly before his
death, on the back of the will. They
are: 'sThis will is annulled."
The will is that of the late G. F.
Drake banker of this city, who left
about one half million dollars. 1t
was written in 1895, while his wife was
alive. He left half of the estate to
her during her life time and divided
the other half between his nephew, c..
f. Martin, cashier of the bank of Fort
Scott, and his sister, Mrs. Bahney,
of st. Paul, Kan. A brother, of Garth
age, Mo-, and the defendants of other
brothers and sisters are not named.
It is understood that some of the heirs
will contest the will. Walter l.. Sim
ons, Judge of the district court here,
a distant relative of Mr.. Drake, is one
of the executors. If the will does not
stand those who are named as the
sole beneficiaries will receive only a
small portion of the estate.