New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1903-10-30
THE TALK OF THE DAY.

The Western farmland has to be treated with
the same tender consideration the Eastern
housemsid A Warrent County farmer, who, like
most other Missouri agriculturists has found farm
hands hard get and harder to keep. has made out
a OF rules which, as The Marthasvtlle Record
thinks should bring hands out OF the woods.
Wages will be Sc A day Breakfast will be served
in bed. Working hours will be from 10 A m. to
2 o m All heavy work is be done by the boss.
Cigars furnished free. ANY hand working the
entire season have the farm.
How do you account for the sudden epidemic
V vi asked the reporter Grating is neither
Hunting and exposing the 'grafters is the
latest fad-that's an'-tChicago Tribune.
Now is the time of year when the makers of cal
endsrs are busy Many Of the big Insurance com
panies put out from 100000 to 100000 annually.
and it is said that patent medicine firm alone
contributed 1000 eco last conservative esti-
mate places the number Of 1903 calendars made in
the United States at 1Oo000Oo0.
BALLADE TO A LARGE OYSTER.
wrapt In calm quiescentness
Lying limp upon my plate
Hangs a moment motonless.
Did some vandaI kitchen wight
Dare with oyster knife to snlte 1911,
This house, and scar your cheek?
What tale you would reclte,
oyster, If you could but speak.
Ere you fell in this duress.
cling pOtent&te-
Silent. solemn incrustate-
To some deep rockness?
of P Ton the de sRhiT in aaq '3qs5 pirate
HG% %bS Eeq R%S sa Say ' %ond your shrek
Kinglv curses on your plight.
oyster. il you could but speak?
May a clumsy mammal guess
How you wooed and won your mate?
or does oyster maid await
In her grot. your fond caress?
Had you vices of the great.
Rosterlng mayhap, at night,
Did you join the actor clique
Was some starfish your delight?
Waiter, pass: the salt; ypu! might
Add tabasco's pungent bite.
This horseradish is so weak.
Ere you slip from mortal sight.
Oyster, if you could but speak
-(Burges Johnson, in Harper's Magazine
In Western Beaver County. Oklahoma. what is
known geologically the Dakota sandstone rises
from it's dip under the plains. and isolated frag-
ments of striking contour stand like sentinels in
the silence of the lonely country Erosion by wind
and rain has these pyramids of sandstone
till they resemble tall chimneys of fantastic de
sign. cap lying cap till it would seem that
push would topple them to the ground. Many
natural formations alleged to resemble human
faces. etc. require stretch OF the imagination TO
fill in the detail. Six miles east of Kenton, how
ever is Dakota sandstone Clipped and chiselIed
by the elements till its likeness In silhouette to
the head of a is perfect. Every feature
chin mouth. and brow, is cut against the sky
IN clearest outline. The head rounds gracefully TO
the neck, which offers a slender support to the
OF rock above it. The face is that OF an
aristocratic colonial dame
An Internal Diffculty.-Littie Archie Richards
at the close of the Thanksgiving dinner sat at the
table with his face suifused with tears. His mother
greatly troubled With sweet smile and with
gentle lntonation she put one arm around her little
baby boy and asked:
What is ii mammals little darling wants?''
But mammals little darling continued To cry
Mamma maze another effort to find the
DOCS mammals baby boy want some more cake?"
Nom" said the child while the tears continued
to flow.
Does he want some more pie" she further in
Nom" he further replied
Well said the mother making a last effort 10
The little boy managed somehow 70 paos WATT L,
sobs Il wants some OF this out I've got in "-CIIp-
pincotts.
The old Yankee skill at driving a bargain Il NOT
being lost as a story I'm THE Boston rsr.ta,.
shows A woman visitor at fashionable r.sor, q,
the Maine coast last summer went To the mi
versalist Church in the place the first S,rds,
morning OF her stay. and was politely shown 70 a
seat. There was no hymn book however hn, tn
occupant OF the pew behind her reached ovar .rI
placed one in her hands. At the close OF tho co.
vice the visitor turned and thanked the narso,
saying as she was TO attend that church all en-,
she would like to buy hymn book Wen !"
said the other WON IN. II guess you can have ths,
book IL you'll give me q pair of black gloves M
z" Very WE'LL" said the visitor The next a.,
she went to Portsmouth. purchased the No 7 bIecI,
gloves for 81 80 and duly received the use o, The
hymna In exchange Tor them the foIloc1nv
Sunday.
HUNTING EXPEDITION.
Although he got no game at all
He felt quite lucky In the end.
BY no stray bullet did he fall.
Nor ala he shoot some trusting friend.
-tWsshngton Star