The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1903-01-15

"PpcS-r I'VE POUNDS Tor bonnet!
Madam. 1t is crime! Mrs. Swell.
the crime will be on my own head
Glasgow Evening Times.
When you have disagreeable duty to
perform 1t is best to do 1t at once and
get 1t of your mind. Another good way
Is to get somebody to do it for you.
Wigwag = Colonel, what was the
Dravest thing you ever did? Colonel
Fireater-Well, 1 once acted as Judge
at prize baby show.-Philadelph
Record.
On the Shore: How sweet it would
be to live alone with you in yonder
hghthouse!" he whispered, tenderly.
YES" she murmured, abstractedly
"and do light neutrality-suspicious.
Set.
Il asked the young woman in front
OF me to remove her big hat so that l
could see the stage" did she do it,"
mo, she said if she held her hat in
her lap, she couldn't see the stage her
self."-Tit- Bits.
Knew the Symptoms: Mr.. Beach
Here Is letter from Charles. Mrs.
Beach-Read it. Mr.. Beach reading)
My dearest, darlingest mothar'--
great heavenus! the young scoundrel
needs money.-Tit-Bits.
"Are you a real indiana" asked the
investigating youth of one of the paint
ed Indians who accompanied Buffalo
Bills Wild West Show. "Surev replied
the Indian; Il was born an raised in
indianapolis, Indiana"
Professional Advice: Patient-Wnat
would you advise me to do for dyspep-
STA, doctor? DR.. DeQuick-Well, If
you want it real bad, hire cheap cook,
and eat irregularly. Two dollars,
please Chicago News.
A Swampton Incident: Mercy on
us!" cried the investor; "do you have
earthquakes here?" "Be easy" re-
piled the land-boomer; 1--WE run out O.
quinine yesterday, an that's only the
town marshal a-havin' chill. "-Atlan-
ia Constitution.
"And what brought you to this?"
asked the good man, who was passing
through the police station. "De hurry
up wagon" replied the tough boy be-
hind the bars; did yer t'ink l came
in a tally-ho, wild somebody on top,
tootin' a horn ?"-Chicago Record Her
aid.
Just to His Taste: "How will you
have your eggs coOkedT" asked the
waiter. make any difference in the
cost O. 'em?" inquired the customer,
cautiously mo" Then cook 'em
with q nice slice o. ham," said he,
greatly relieved.-Kansas City Indepen-
dent.
Mame-My steady blew me off ter
supper at a regular RESTRAINT last night.
Mag-Say, they tell me he's real REIN
ed. Mame-Dat's wat! When he pour
cd his coffee out in is saucer ter cool
il. he didn't blow 1t like some guys
would, but jist famed it wild is Pan
anna Philadelphia Press.
A golfiing magazine tells this story OF
man who applied for the secretary
ship of a club. You understand" said
the captain, that we want secretary
who is thoroughly accustomed to man.
aging men," 'In that case" answered
the applicant sadly, I'm afraid it's not
me YOU want, but my wife," He was
bunkered.
"Music is a very desirable accom-
nlishment." said Mehitabefs mother.
."That's right" answered her father.
IF a girl likes a young man she can
NAV comic opera and make him feel
nerfectly at home, and If she doesn't
she can give him few samples from a
sonata and make him weary.'-Wash-
ington Star.
Mrs. Mimms-Mary, it was one
o'clock this morning when you got In.
| heard you. MAXWELL, ma'am, II /
was YOU I'd take something to make
mo sleep better. / took my shoes Oh
dawn In the kitchen and didn't make
M more noise than a cat would. I've
been kind of worried about you for q
good while"
An old soldier was boasting OF his
experience during the Civil war, wh s,a
no was asked: "How many rebs did
,or XIII during the WARP" How many
did 1 kill? How many did l XIII! re-
neated the old veteran; "well, l don't
know exactly how many, but Killed
- many of them as they did OF me-
Ohio State Journal
waiter-Hear, all you, just stop put
ting up those other orders and attend 81 e.
- mine at once. The Cook-But this
. ~ is for a man who's just come
=. an : train that was stuck in the snow
three DAYS, with no supplies on board.
THAT'S nothing compared with