Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1903-04-20

ferently every time" Eyes, he hasn't
learned his part."-Yale Record.
$50 you think you need a wife,"
EYES," well, nothing but marriage
will dispel that llusion!"-Puck.
The bar to riches: More men would
be rich If money were as hard to spend
as 1t Is to earn.-Chicago News.
Wife-"I found out something to-day
that l promised never to tell" Hus-
band-"Well, 60 ahead; I'm listening"
Chicago Daily News.
He-"And now suppose I'll have to
ask your fathers consent?" She-"Not
at all. Just ask mamma. She'll take
care Of apa."-Judge.
Take example: Customer (at res
taurant-"Can I see the proprietor"
Waiter-"Very sorry, sir, he's just
stepped out to unch."-Judge.
Uncle William. are you troubled
about the hereafterT" mo, sub; it's
de wharfo' err ed herein what keeps
me guessin!''-Atlanta Constitution.
II think 1t is silly to pick up a pin."
"Oh, l don't know! l know a fellow
that makes S. n week picking up pins"
"Get out" Yes; he works in a bowl
ing alley"
Arthur-"I would marry that girl but
for one thing" Chester-"Afraid to
pop the question:" Arthur-"No.
Afraid to question the pop."-Town
and Country.
"How did your daughter do at the
graduation exerciscs?" "Splendidw
declared Mrs. Torque; "why, she was
the best dressed girl therev'-Balti-
more Herald.
Blibson-'I understand that South
American general has resolved to sell
his life dearly" Glibson-"Yes; he
wants ten dollars for the library edi-
tlon."-Judge.
Ping-"Some women novelists have
great power of diction." POng-"In
their home life III bet they show still
greater power Of contradiction!-Bal-
timore Herald.
First Darkey-"Dat's de mos con-
venienest arranged farm l cher seem"
Second Darkey-"Dat's so. De chicken
house am located in the watahmilyun
patch."-Judge.
Blonde Bridesmaid-"The ushers
haven't seated your Aunt Maria with
the family" Other Bridesmaid SISTER
to the brlde)-"No, she sent only a
pickle rk."-Life.
The Manager-"Bully! Well have
real horses, a real brook, real hens and
geese, and real hay" The Author
And would you mind having real
actors, too ?"-Life.
Mother-"Yes, Bobby; any man in
this country can be President" Bobby
-"Gosh! what lot of Holsters there
are who seem to prefer working for
two dollars day."-Judge.
$50 you want my daughter?" growled
the old man. Can you support fam
ily" whats the matter?" demanded
the sutton, suspciously; "are you out
of work Y'-Seattle Sunday Times.
February IA: Mistress-"So you want
me to read this love-letter to your"
Maid-"If We place, nam. And I've
brought We some cottonwood we can
stuff in yer ears while We read it!'-
Punch.
81 tell you that poet is a genius" "a
genius? Why his stuff is the worst
ever read" 81 know" "But why do
you call him a genius?" Because he
succeeds in selling it."-Philadelphia
Record.
Mrs. Witherby (at breakfast-"Are
you well?' Witherby-"Yes. Why|'
Mrs. Witherby-"You look changed.
suppose l notice 1t more than those
who are with you constantly" -Har.
per's Bazaar.
She-"After all, what Is the differ.
ence between illusion and delusion ~
He-"Illusion is the lovely fancies we
have about ourselves; delusion is the
foolish fancies other people have about
themselves. Life.
Jocular Passenger Ito train robber)-
w lltI sOu say ~, titiN' SupDOSc
you mean you're after raise?" The
Robber-"Yep, an 1t also means you'd
better watch out, an be burned quick
about it."-Chicago Daily News.
Cassdy-"Shtop kickin' about ye1
hard luck, man! Some mornin' yell
wake up an find yersel' famous
Casey-"Fath, OH bet We whin thot
mornin' comes twill be me luck tc
overslape meser."-Philadelp Press
"How old is your baby?" asked one
Of the neighbors. "Well," said the
Missouri farmer, rejecting a moment
''he was born the last time we had
them seventeen-year locusts. You kir
figger 1t up fur yourself. "-Chicagc
Tribune.
Silmson-"1 hear you have beer
fighting that little boy next door, and
that he whipped you. How did that
happen?" Willie-"Well, he's going tc
give a party next week, and wal
afraid II l licked him he wouldn't in
vite me."-Harper's Bazaar.
Father Ito the seyen-year-old son be
side him in the dog-cart, cutting the
whip sharply through the air)-"See
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