Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1903-08-24
*-@T


superlatlVe, DeCter nOt.-DetrOlt Free
Press.
How did you enjoy the play last
night?" ''Oh. it was just divine-l
never cried so much in my life."
Ted-"Most firms prefer to hire a
married man." Ned-"And most girls
won't marry you unless you have a
job"
Ella-"But surely you are not going
to marry against your parents
wishes?" Flo-"Why not? Did they
marry to please me?"
Willie-"Pa, an agriculturist is jst
a man that works farm, amt itT'
Pa-"Sometimes. my son. he's man
who works city boarders."
She-"Why has Boston the name Of
being such bad city?' He-"Be.
cause Of the number of crooks in the
streets, suppose "-Harvard Lam
pooh.
Farmer-"See here. boy! What are
you doing up that apple tree?" Kid
Cant yer see nothing? One Of yer
apples fell off de tree an I'm tying II
on again"
Faith. Mrs. O'Hara, how dye till
thin twins apart?" Jaw. It's aisy-I
sticks me finger In Dinnis' mouth, an
II he bites l know it's Moike. "-Har-
ward Lampoon.
Margaret, think you cheaper your
self by going SO much to the theater
with Mr.. Jones'" mo, mother; Oh the
contrary. I'm making myself very
dear."-Harvard Lampoon.
Doctor-Do think l can cure your
catarrh? Why. I'm sure Of it. Pa
tient-So you are very familiar with
the disease? Doctor should say so.
I've had it myself all my life.-Judge.
Mrs Talkye rBlind can say some OF
the most cutting things" Yes. If she
could only keep her mouth closed for
five minutes you could have her arrest
ed for carrying concealed weapons.
Life.
Mrs. Uppmann-I must tell you. De.
liza, that l was displeased at your en-
tertaining that policeman in the kitch,
EN- last night. Delia-Faith, Oi did AK
him into the parlor ma'am, but he
wouldn't go.-Philadelphia Press.
Bellows-Does your daughter play
on the piano? Old Farmer lin tones
of deep disgust)-No. sir. She works
on it, pounds on it, rakes it, scrapes
it, jumps on it, and rolls over on it;
but there's no play about it, sir.-Tit-
Bits.
Mr.. Quarles-"Well, l see old Gold
man is dead, and leaves upward of
three millions. Wouldn't you like tc
be his widow" Mrs. Quarles tsweet
ly)-"No. dear, nothing could possibly
delight me more than to be yours. -
Public Ledger.
Done in oil: Miss DeAuber ian anna
teur artist-Have you ever been done
in oil, Mr.. Marks? Mr.. Marks-Well
| guess yes. Miss DeAuber-And who
was the artist? Mr.. Marks-Artis,
nothing! 1t was a promoter that did
me.-Chicago News.
What is that car coupled behint
the Presidential train" asked the tai
reporter That is the photograph
car" said the train hand. photograph
carr" "Yes; 1t contains the pictures Of
all the big families in the West"
Chicago Daily News.
whats up. old man? never saw
you look so haggard." THE Steentl
Bank is up; that's what's up. And III,
deposits gone up with it, "Oh,
wouldn't let a thing like that upse
me- I'm not upset; merely lost III!
balance. "-Philadelphia Press.
well. there is one thing that can be
said of Crawfoot. Although he wen
fishing himself on the Sabbath hi
didn't let his little son fish" Il an
glad to hear that. Was the boy n
Sunday school?' mo, batting thu
hooks. "-Chicago Daily News.
Master-"What. Both want holi
day tomorrow? | can't spare you boil
at once. Mary, you can have to-mor
row. and John the next day" John
THANK you. sir. but we wanted To &c
married and I'm afraid. sir it can
be done that way, but I'll inquirer
Mother-"TOmmy, what's the matte
with your little brother?' Tommy
Hes crying because I'm eating III.
cake and won't give him any Moth
er-"Is his own cake tinished!" Tom
MY es'm and he cried while wa
eatin' that, too."-Philadelph Ledger
"My plea" said the young lawyer
who had just won his first case, seem
ed to strongly affect the jury" Yes.
replied the judge, Il was afraid a
one time that you would succeed il
getting your client convicted in spit,
of his innocence. "-Chicago Record
Herald.
Poor child: Il hear Jack Kandol
was here to see the baby" said Mr.
Hoamley. Yes" his wife replied. &"
suppose the first thing he said was
He looks just like his father:'" NO
the first thing he said was Good heav
ems Then he said that" philadel
phia Press.
Old Doctor-"So you think my daugll
| -. q. IL, l..