The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1903-12-16
HUMOROUS.

IL Is an easy progress from Ueiiihs
white lies to lying In all the fashion
able shades.--Puck.
"what is the new piece you're play
ing? Is It by Wagner" mo; the piano
is out of tune louisville Courier
Journal.
I'm glad" said the dodo, that
there's something else as extinct as ]
am The dodo was playing ping-pong.
Chicago Tribune.
"Are you going to the maiinee?" "Of
course. Julia and want a good cosey
place to tell each other all our summer
experiences. Detroit Free Press.
Guide-Do you call that the right
way to hold gun? Cholly Lighthead
We'll, it's the way the correspon-
dence school said to do it.-Boston
Post.
Tom-Miss Lowd was in your box
party at the theatre last night, heard.
Dick--Yes, and everybody else within
fifty feet of the box heard, too.-Phil-
adelphia Press.
"But," protested the man, II have
admitted that was wrong. Isn't that
enough?" NO" replied the woman.
You must also admit that l was
right. Chicago Daily News.
81 WISH" she sighed that l could
see myself as others see me-" era
cious," replied her fond friend, why
aren't you satisfied to let well enough
alone?"-Chicago Record-Herald.
How should like to know" mused
the lonely exile in Cavite, as he read
the belated bunch Of newspapers,
whether ping-pong is a disease or a
health food.-Cincinnat Tribune.
Doctor Jnks--I suppose you must
have lost some of your patients by be-
ing away fer so long a time?" Doctor
kent--Yes. confound 1t! Ten or a doz-
EN- of them got well-roston Tran
script.
The Maid-What makes you chew
your mustache SC. Reggie? Are you
fond of dscourageIaent? The Thing
Discouragement-aw? The Maid-Yes;
feeling down in tho mouth, you know
-iarNarG lampOOn.
Suppose" suggested Fweddy, look
ing over the bill of fare. 1--WE have some
oystahs. This month has an an in 1t,
you know" at has" said Miss jim
jer. "Why don't you use it?'-Chica-
go Tribune.
mo" said the fond mother, "of
COURSE little babies don't cry when
they arc in heaven" I'VE all know
that" growled little Tommy; "if they
did it wouldn't be heaven. n."-Philadel-
phia Record.
"Dis paper says dat de man seemed
to have supernatural powers. Wot
does dat mean?" Supernatural pow
ers? Dat means dat de super could act
naturally. Der amt many of dem can
do dat. kansas City Journal.
Fumer-Gee whizz! What sort OF q
cigar is this? Givver-Oh! | bought
1t for a nickel. don't just recall the
brand, but think it was named after
some bum actor. Fumer-Ah! no won
der 1t won't draw.-Philadelphia Press.
The new boarder had been three
weeks in the house. 1T Is usual" said
the landlady with great delicacy, "for
my dodgers to pay as they CO." "Oh,
that's all right" he replied affably
I'm not going for long time."-San
Francisco Wasp.
"Your daughter plays some very diff
| ficult music" said the visitor. Il
should say she does" answered Mr..
Cumrox serenely. Her teacher says
she plays things that nobody ever
thought Of attempting 10 write."-
Washington Star.
visitor-You say you call your
| horses Biscay and Bengal. Aren't
| those decidedly unusual names for
horses? Farmer-Ef the joggrahes
hain't changed sence got my school
in, them's mighty good names fer a
pair Of big bays.-Baltimor American
IL always had my suspicious Of that
man." said senator Sorghum, resent
| fully. I'm afraid he is willing to ac-
cept pecuniary considerations for his
| influence" Worse than that. He al
ways wants three or four times as
much as his influence is worth"
| Washington Star.
"You say it will cost s5 person to
serve this course dinner?" said the
lady who has come into money recent
ly, glancing over the submitted menu
"Yes, 1t cannot be done for less,' re-
piled the caterer. "unless you cut some
thing out" "Oh. we'll" said the wom-
an, glancing at the bottom of the sheet
"cut out the finger bowls. ."-YonkerS
| Statesman.