Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1903-04-16
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|LITERATURE AND LIFE /
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Barry Pain says one of the needs of
man is a third hand. see no reason
for man having more than two hands,
but l do know of various occasions on
which women could use three hands
and even more, especially when she
starts for the letter box with letters,
purse, gloves, handkerchief, book, par
asol and numerous other things lnci-
dent to a woman's street outfit. It's
all we'll enough in dry weather when
she can let her skirts serve as a broom,
ard can deposit the balance of her be-
lcngings on the pavement, but on a
wet, slushy day. with her arms loaded
down and her skirts to hold up, for her
TO tackle letter box is exasperating
enough to purple the lips of an angel
the man who invented the dunn foo!
thing.
The other day I saw young girl
loaded down--or is it up?-in this way
trying with one hand TO get lot of
letters in the box. She wanted to catch
the next ear due in seven minutes. and
wrestled with that box until beads of
perspiration began to pour over her.
With one letter fallen to the ground.
another sticking in the box, she waved
the remaining letters frantically at the
motornan, but TOO late, and the car
whizzed by. Then she sat down and
cried. I didn't blame her. have often
wanted to cry myself--if l were as
pretty as that girl. and II the tears
didn't insist on rolling down my nose
instead of hanging to my lashes.
On such trying occasions some wom-
en- would like not only third hand. but
also fourth one with Claws attached,
and along with it an opportunity to get
hold of the inventor who, we would
stake our reputation, wss cynical old
bachelor with heart eI' of malicious
spite toward women.
He was tiny little fellow surely not
over years, and as he called out his
evening papers on the corner, the pas
sers by threw on him mingled glances
of pity and amusement. His clothes
we're wet thru, and his piping voice had
baby lisp. Presently, stout, elderly
woman weighing close to two hundred
pounds. paused at the corner and look
ed obviously at the pond of slush and
water in front of her. and at the pas
sing stream of wagons and trolley cars.
The little newsboy quickly sized up the
situation, and running up to her ex-
claimed: Don't be afeard lady. I'll
help you across" Reaching UP his tiny
hand he clutched her by the arm, and
together they headed their way to the
opposite curb. Then the stout lady OPP
ened her purse, gravely handing the
gallant little escort a coin, and disap-
peared up the street.
There was recently given in San
Francisco social function and dinner
at which were gathered the victims of
the fashioned stomach cramps.
known in polite society as appended
it's. The affair suggested to the ST.
Louis "Globe- Democrat' some other
novelties in the same line. to-wit:
Persons run down by trolley cars or
those who may have had the mumps
or the grippe. or escaped from the dem
list may find their common tie of mis-
cry, a motive for festal reunion. There
might be vaccination parties, rheuma-
tism afternoons, neuralgia teas. lntlu-
enza smokers, freckle seances. and pro-
gressive bunion euchres.' Conversation
would never drag at these attractive
functions. for people who are tongue
tied on every other human topic can al
ways talk about their physical ailments
with the most astounding fiuency.
Think of the material for copy" if
one could get behind the curtains.