Arizona republican., 1903-01-11
By F. P. DUNNE.
Copyright. 1903. by Robert Howard
 Russell.)


 ..Wat's a break-asy food?" asked MT. Eennessy.
 Ut depinds on who ye ar-re." said Mir Dooley. "In yeer case it's amy thing to ate that ye're not goin' to have r'r dinner or supper. But in tn case iv tn rest iv this impeeryal ray public. 'tis tn on'y amusement they have. 'Tis most iv tn adVertisin' in tn pa-apers lis what ye see on tn bill boards lis tn inspiration iv othry an art. In wurrud, it's oats. .'I wint over to have breakfast New Years mornin' at Joyce's. Tn air was sharp an though I'm not much given tn refiectin' on vittles, regardin' tnim more as a meedjum f'r what dhrink l take with thim thin anything else. b. tn time I got to the dure I was rnnnin' over in me mind a bill iv fare Len kind iv wondhrin' whether l wud have ham an eggs CT liver an bacon, ar' hopin' I cud have both. Well, We Sc. down at tn table an l tucked me napkin into me collar so that l wud- dent have to chase it down in me shoe il l got laughin' at annything funny durin' an egg an squared away. 'Ar-re ye hungry?' says Joyce. Not now. says I. I've ony been up two hours ST I don't think I cud ate more thin a couple iv karosene lamps an bur-rd cage says I. But I'm li'bIe to be hun g1y in a few minyits, an'.' says l, 'p'raps 'twud be jus as well to lock Up tn small childher, I says, where they'll be safe I says. thinkin' to start tn breakfast with a flow iv spirits. though tn rosy Gawd iv Day sildom finds mo much betther natured thin a mustard plasther.
 Whats ye'er fav'rite breakfast dish? says Joyce. My wh2t?' says | 'Yeer fav'rite breakfast dish?' says he 'Whativer ye've got says I, not to be thrapped into givin' me suffrage to annything he didn't have in tn house Amy kind iv food so long as it's hot an hurrid Thank Hiven I have a mind above vittles an don't know half t. time what I'm atm. says l. Out don't mind it broiled. roasted, stewed, or fricasseed. In a minyit or two I'll waive tn cookin' an ate it off tn hoOf, | I says. We'll says he, me faV'rite is | Cuff he says. 'P'raps ye've seen tn | advertisement: "Out iv tn house wint Luck Joe Cuff was tn food that made him go." Mother prefers Almostfood, | a scientific preparation of burlaps. I used to take Sawd Ust, which I found | too rich. an later l had q peeryod iv ! Hungareen, a chimically pure dish made iv tn exteeryor iv bath towels. | We all have our little tastes an en- l thusyasms in tn matther ivy breakfast
 fGods. depindin' on what pa-apers We
 read an what bill-boards we've seen | iv late. I believe Sunny Jim cud jump ! higher on Cuff thin on Almostfood but | Mother says she see a sign down on | Balstead sthreet that con-vInces her
 she has tn mos stimylatin' tuck-in. Annyhow,' he says, I take gr-reau
 pains to see that nawthin' is sarved f'r | breakfast that ain't we'll advertised
 ar guaranteed pure firm tn facthry
 an put up in blue green paper boxes,'
 he says. We'll says I, give me a tub | iv Cuff I says. I'll close me eyes an | think iv an egg.
 What dye suppose they give me,
 Hinnissy? Mush Mush, be Hivensl 1 What kind iv mush is this?' says I,
 t2llin' a mouthful. Tt ain't mush,
 says Joyce. It's a kind iv scientific
 oCtneal, says he. Science says I.
 'ras exthracted tn meal. Pass tn ink,
 says I. What dye want ink f'r?' says
 he. Who iver heard iv atin' blottin'
 paper without ink?' says I. Ate it.. ! E.
 T can't ate this off a plate. Give it to
 me an I'll harness mesilf up in Gavins
 buggy, have mesilf hitched to a post
 in front iv tn city hall, an injye me
 breakfast I says. 'Ye have a delight
 1ul home here says I. Some day I'm
 gCin' to ask ye to take me up fn tn
 kitchen an lave me fork down some
 hay fir tn childner. But now I mus
 lave ye SOW ye'er prepared oats,' I says
 An l wint out to Mulligan-s restnrant
 ar' wrappud mesilf around buckwheat
 cakes an sausages till tn cook got
 buckwheat cake makers paralysis.
 'I don't know how people come to
 have this mad passion fir oats. Whin
 was boy they was On'y ct be horses
 an good horses rayfused thim. But
 sCmewan discovered that tn more ye
 did to oats, tn less they tasted an
 that tn less annything tastes, tn bet
 tECr food it is fir tn race. So all over
 tn country countless machines is at
 Wurruk removin' tn flavor firm oats
 an turnin' thim into breakfast food.
 Breakfast food is all ye see in tn cars
 an on tn bill boards. In tn small
 cities it's tn principal spoort iv tn peo-
 Tle. Where childher wanst looked on th' boards to see whin tn minsthrei
 show was cOmin to town, they now
 watch fir tn announcement iv tn new
 breakfast food. Hogan tol' me he was
 out in Decatur tn other day an they
 was eighty-siven kinds iv oats on tn
 bill iV fare. Is they anything g0in'
 on in this town?' he ast a drummer.
 'Nawthin ontil tn eighth whin Oat-
 oono opens, says tn man. People talk
 about breakfast food as they used to
 talk about bicycles. They compare an they thrade. A man with tn 1903 model ! iV high gear oats is tn invy iv tn
 neighborhoOd. All tn saw-mills has
 been turned into breakfast food facth-
 r:es an tn rip saw has took tn place ? iV th' miller