The Kendrick gazette. [volume] (Kendrick, Idaho) 1892-1968, 1903-05-15

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OF that. pap Kind father-"Yes. in.
deed. I've been borrowing money of
him for six months, and still he keeps
coming Stray Stories.
Philosophic Murphy recovering from
twenty-foot falD- we'll. had to
come down for nails, anyway
Glasgow Evening Times.
Deacon Johnson--"W nat yo' dom
now, Abe" Abe Hardcase-"C leanin'
out bank" Deacon Johnson-.Pres-
ident, cashier, bookkeeper. or janitor."
-Leslie's Weekly.
Il think l have met you before.
Aren't you timekeeper for the Bloss
& Goss Company" "No, sir, am a
singer of topical songs and know moth
Ing at all about keeping time Kan
sas City Journal.
Farmer Hayditch Ito his ueighbor,
Farmer Turniptop) -"Hallo! Going in
for barbedwire fencing. Ell? Isn't it
rather dear" Turniptop-"Yes, but
then you see my men don't waste time
sitting on itY-Pick-Me-Up.
drop me a liner cried the excur-
sionist who had fallen overheard.
whats the use?" calmly rejoined the
alleged funny man Of the party.
"There isn't any postoffice where you
are going. American Hebrew.
The Senate-"How long can you talk
without dropping dead in your
tracks," Senator Morgan-"That is
not the question. How long can you
listen to me without dropping dead
In your tracksY'-New York Evening
Post.
Look at the way baby's working
his mouth" exclaimed Mrs. Newman.
Nov. he proposes to put his foot in
It," "H'mv' replied her husband,
grumpily. Hereditary. That's what
did when proposed. "-Philadelphia
Press.
How they spend their time: She
"How's the motor-car getting on, Sir
Charles" He-"Well. fact Is, I've
seen very little Of it. You see, I've
only had it three months, and when
1t isn't in hospital. amy'-Londcu
Punch.
Worked Both Ways: Jaggles-Are
they good divorce lawyersw Waggles
BEST in the business. They've origi-
mated over hundred different ways
Of collecting alimony. and as many
more for evading the payment of It,"
Judge.
Effective: Bjenks-"Do you believs
in the possibility Of the cure of disease
by suggestion" Bjinks-"Why, GER
tainly. l was feeling pretty sick last
week, and my wife suggested go to
doctor and it cured me right away"
-Someryille Journal
,DOct--. makes no mistakes: Patient.
-"But. doctor, only last week you said
would surely die, and to-day you see
l am as well as l ever was" Doctor
-"Sir, never make mistake In q
diagnosis. Your ultimate demise Is
only a mat .er of time."-Chicago News.
Maud-"I feel so sorry for poor Lii
liam. She and Reggie had 1t all plan
ned to elope and now, they have to give
1t up" Jack-"What is the trouble?"
Maud-"She can't persuade her stingy
old papa to give them the money to
carry 1t out."-Kansas City Journal.
Physician-The truth can no longer
be hidden, madam. l am obliged to
tell you that your little son is-er-
weak-minded. That is-well. 1t must
~ ha 10 i~h
How fortunate 1t is that we are rich.
No one will ever notice it.-New York
Weekly.
Stranger-"Have you a good catarrh
curew Druggist-"Yes, sir; have thV
very thing you want" Stranger
"Can you recommend it?" Druggist
"Sure have catarrh myself. apd
I've used nothing but this preparation
for nearly twenty years."-Chicago
Daily News.
Admirer-"Don't you think that you
are rather unreasonable to expect me
TO take you to ball. stay awake until
four o'clock, and then get up at eight
to go to my work." Young lady
81 may be little unreasonable. but
It's perfectly brutal of you to mention
it."-New York Weekly.
I'm getting painfully careless, my
dear. I've just found a portrait of
George Washington in my coat pocket
that has been there for the last ten
days" "Well. l don't see anything
serious about that" Don't you, my
dear? I'm glad to hear it. You see.
the portrait is part of the stamp on
that letter you gave me to mail last
week. "-Cleveland Plain Dealer.