Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1903-03-25
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Most of the men who own flying
machines are holding them for rise.
Baltimore American.
Mrs. Henpecquc-Married men live
longer than single men. Henpecque-
Yes; and it serves them right.-Detroit
Free Press.
MARY" said the mother sharply,
you mustn't say We'll 1 never That
is slang" "Well never slang mother
If know It,"
II used to consider him one of the
most interesting takers ever heard"
Yes; but that was before he began
telling the cute things his baby says"
Not one, but many: Mrs. Stubbs-
They have captured the cleverest hotel
robber in the country, dear. Mr.. Stubbs
Indeed! Which hotel did he keep
Tit-Bits.
Literal: AIistress-What in the world
are you putting ashes on the floor for.
Bridget? Bridget-Shure, ma'am, an
didn't yez say to doost the parlor?-
Town and Country.
The modern novel is bounded on the
east by blood, on the west by thunder,
on the north by gossip. on the south
by inanities, and Is surrounded by ad-
craftsmanship News.
Doctor" said the wife, "do you
think dyspepsia makes my husband If.
ritable?" Il know it," replied the man
of medicine. IN try to get him well
SO l can get my bill without kick"
Little Boy" demonstrated the Kind
Old Lady, don't you know It is very
wrong for children like you to smoke
cigarettes?" Jaw, gwan," replied the
Incorrigible, do youse expect me t eat
'em?"-CIncinnati Commercial Trib-
une.
81 understand" said the German
town girl, that you and Charlie are
engaged" mot yet" replied the truth
full maid. although lie held my hand
for over an hour the other evening, and
that's good ways toward being en-
gagged"
John, DEAR" said the poets wife, X
wish you'd write poem that'll buy
three pounds of beef; and we'll need
sonnet for ham, an ode for sack of
flour, n lyric for lard, and quatrain
for box of matches. There! believe
that's all this morning."-Atlanta Con-
| stitution.
'In your vermiform appendix" the
surgeon told him after the operation
was over I'VE found, strange to say.
n small brass tack" THAT proves I
was right" feebly answered the sick
man, when said it was something
had eaten in mince pie."-Chicago
| Tribune.
YES" said the meek looking woman,
I'm glad Mr.. Barker isn't on jury
duty any more" Did he find 1t irk-
some!' Very. Mr.. Barker couldn't
express an opinion without appearing
| to agree with some Of the other men,
and 1t irritated him tcrribly."-Wash.
ington Star.
Jeweler-Diamond shirt studs? Yes,
sir; here's a set, neat little stones, for
1925. Customer-Huh! Out home In
California can get Jeweler-Ah,
yes pardon me, here you are. Just look
Ht,these big flashes. Three carats each!
Sell yoti,, that set fer S3.5G.-Philadel.
phia Press.
Personal: Mrs. Clifton-Yes, she
was furious about the way in which
that paper reported her marriage. Miss
Avondale-Did it allude to her age?
Miss Extraordinarily 1t stated that
Miss Olde and Mr.. Yale were married,
the latter being Il well-known collector
of antiques -Saxby's Magazine.
"Why don't you try to live down
your past!' asked the visitor at tbs
| jail. Its no USE" answered the prls.
oner. Not If you're sincerely sorry
"Bein' sorry don't do no good. When
dey'vc got your picture in de rogues'
gallery you've got to git out O. de busi-
ness. It's worse dan bein up agin q
trust."-Puck.
Washington officials say young wom-
en- handle money more rapidly than
older ones, and there can be no doubt
| about it. The amount Of money that
can pass through the hands of young
woman has frequently paralyzed q
young husband who thought he was
something of spendthrft himself
st. Louis Post-Dispatch.
Fiendish revenge: The burglar soft
ly opened the door of the suburbanlte's
sleeping apartment slipped inside, but
found nothing worth stealing. Darn
him" he soliloQuized: I'll get some
satisfaction out of him, anyway"
Thereupon he set the alarm clock on
the bureau for the hour of three, and
softly eparted.-Chicago Tribune.
Could recommend them: Il would adj
wise you," he said 10 the friend he was
taking home to dinner, "to try some Of
my wife's branded peaches. OF course
| know you don't care for them ordin
arily, but these are worth trying" Eek
ira good, are they?" well, l bought
the brandy myself and dumped an ex
ira bottle of it in when she wasn't
looking. "-Chcago Post.
The baby's cries outclassed: Mrs.
Shure. Mrs. Murphy, does
yez baby croy much wild cuttin' his
lathe? Mrs. NIurphy-Indade, Mrs.
linnegan, he twists up his mouth a
bit, but whether its croyin' or laughin'
it's mesclf that don't know. Mrs. Fin
negan-It's kiddin' me, yez are. Mrs.
Murphy. Mrs. Murphy-Indade Orm
not, Mrs. Finnegan; it's a boiler foun-
dry that we live next dure to.-Phila-
delphia Telegraph.
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Things that Make England.