Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1903-03-12

find the pole and cline it--but alas
they have found the climate too
severe and have been discovered
later with stony glare in their eyes,
with their trousers frozen fast to an
iceberg and their systems chilled be-
yond recall-while the north pole
that they longed for slipped around
the corner of an avalanche and
made it's escape.
The polar bear is said to have be-
come so, accustomed to a diet OF eX-
plorer that he sleeps through the
six months of arctic winter night
and climbs the pole early in the
spring to look longingly southwark
for his breakfast of iced scientist.
The unwashed Fsquimau is no longer
delicacy at his board and only a
tender army officer or budding
scientist will appease his bearship's
appetite. Traces of scrambled scier.-
fist can be found on the whiskers Of
nearly every polar bear of mature
years and coat buttons from many
nations have found Judgment in his
appendix. But men with a yearn
for fame still push as far north as
they can get and sit down on the
cold, unsympathetic edge of a
glacier to gnaw thier last piece Of
walrus hide or eat the sweat band
out of their straw hat while think
ing of the folks at home and banker
ing with a great, palpitating three
ply hank for an army mule sandwich
and a cup of coffee such as mother
used to make. 1t must be glorious
to feel that you are a real live scien-
fist standing on a cake of floating
ice three thousand miles from home
or human habitation with nothing
in the pantry for dinner but a bar
Of toilet soap,a pair Of leather trunk
handles and a box of pills.
Sir John Franklin enjoyed the
novelty Of such a life SO much that
he went back three times and finally
became so attached to the scenery
that his friends couldn't pry him
loose from it with a crowbar.
When the scenery broke up in the
spring Sir John foated out to sea
on a piece of it and never foated
back again. The rest of the expedi-
ton obeyed the scriptural injunc-
ton to go and do likewise and fol-
lowed suit. AL that was ever dis
covered of Sir Johns party by the
ten relief parties sent to his aid
were0some silver spoons used for
earrings by the Esquimaux and a
necklace OF, pants buttons worn by
their queen at dog feasts and other
affairs of state. Mr.. Greeley, one
of our army officers, went up north
to establish coaling station at the
pole some years ago but ran short
of grub and had to eat a young man
by name of Lieut.. Henry, who
was ''short for disobedience"- and
also for supper-because he was fat
ter than any of the rest and would
make better pot pie. Mr.. Henry was
nice young man with hazel eyes
and auburn hair and his friends
hated to eat him but he was SO dis
obedient" that it had to be done.
It was very sad case-particularly
so for Mr.. Henry. Prof. Nansen OF
Sweden got within two hundred
miles of the pole seveal years ago
and if he hadn't gone back home to
warm his feet.he might have actual
ly discovered it. One Of the latest
scientists to feed himself to the
polar bear was Prof Andree. The
professor went north sometime ago
in a balloon expecting to hitch a
guy rope to the pole and yank it out
by the roots-but it is feared he
and his balloon are in a busted and
undOne condition.
7 am not much of scientist but [
have figured out that sole reason so
many arctic expeditions have failed
is because they didn't find the pole.
Cough Settled on Her Lungs.
my daughter had a terrible cough which
settled on her lungs" says N. Jackson of
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