Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1903-02-21
COMIC VALENTINES

. One of the most amiable business men In
Washington upright, progressive cit
izen. a model husband and father-experi-
enced a sad Earring on Saturday last.
When he arrived at his place Of business
on Saturday morning. humming and cheer
full as usual. he observed that the mail on
his desk was unusually large, and SO ne
peeled his coat and cuffs and got into his
working toys, preparing himself for
lengthy seance with his stenogTapher.
According to his habit, he scissored the
ends of all OF the envelopes containing his
letters. noticing he did SO. with a vague
sort of wonder, that great majority OF
the envelopes were of the plain kind, with
no business heads printed in their corners.
The first envelope that he picked up. when
he was at length ready to read his mail.
contained a large comic" valentine. oe-
plotting a brutal. rnffianly looking wife
beater" in the act of pounding a covering
little woman, with the usual doegerel print
ed underneath The amlable business man
gave start In his chair when he opened the
valentine up, and then leaned back with a
hot flush. gazing amazedly at it.
me a wife beater?' he muttered to him
self. Now vino could have"
But he broke off the speculation suddenly.
for he had been mechanically emptying an
other envelope. which contained another
valentine Of the sort termed comic. the
business man jumped to his feet and began
to run his fingers through his hair when he
saw this one. 1t represented red-nosed'
sodden-featured "old soak" with the Gus
tomary ribald verse appended.
Now. I wonder" he half groaned to him.
self, IF these things really indicate the way
l am 10 ks upon by people have sup
He scrutinized the handwriting on the en-
velopes of the valentines he had spread out
None of the chirography was familiar to
MIN, but he could easily see that all the
envelopes had been penned by different
hands.
Of the envelopes were all addressed in the
same hand" said the business man to him
SELF decidedly worried. I'D know that It
was just some fellows rather imbecile joke
but none Of the addresses resembles the
other, and-Great Scott, is this the way 1
stack up among people who know me?'
Then he returned gloomily to his desk and
nerved himself to take a lock at the re-
mainder of the valentines. There were more
than a dozen OF them still unopened. They
were all equally appalling and depressing
TOUGHER" the Short Card Player" the
"Slanderer.' the "Chinner," the Cheap
Masher." the Corner Loafer." the ''Schem-
err" the Leader of a Double Life" the
Who Never Pays BILL" the Double
Faced Man and several others.
And every blamed one of them" unused
the bus ness man, sent to me by different
peFS0n-HOOk at the nanQWTfIlAS on the Ell
velopes all different! Why, If this is the
way people regard me, it's blooming WON
der that wasn't lynched long ago! didn't
think I had an enemy in the world, and
here I'm held up as more different kinds of
a social outcast than
Special delivery letter sir" said a boy
who had dismeunted from a bike in front
of the office a moment before. The bust
ness man signed for the receipt of the let
ter, and ripped the envelope open. 1t con-
tained comic portraying "A Grasping
Guy" with about forty arms and hands.
reaching out to grab everything portable
IN sight. The business man had scarcely
got through gazing mournfully at this one
before district messenger boy popped into
his office with another of the valentines,
representing a MALE Gossip with an enor-
nous tongue. Before noon half a dozen
special delivery and district messenger boys
had delivered as many of the nerve-racking
valentines to the business man, completely
breaking up his mornings work and running
his appetite for luncheon when the time for
luncheon came around.
Shortly after the hour Of noon one of the
business mans chums-he had a certain
mischievous light in his eye-dropped in.
Going out for lunch?' he asked the bust
ness man.
NO." replied the latter, I'm not. I'm
going to the office of Major Sylvester and
give myself up AS far as can make out,
sooner I'm put under lock and key for life
the better it's going to be for this COM
munity. Look at theser' and the business
man grabbed up handful Of the valentines
and thrust them into his visitors face. The
visitor grinned, and then went to the Office
window. leaned out. and said: " '-'''
Come on In. fellows-we've got the old
man a-rockfng!
Half minute later about fifteen of the
business mems most intimate cronies troop
ed in in a roaring. swaying body, and after
they got through doing the sun dance and
the "ring-around-rosy'' with the sheepish-
11Nvrt, L. L. -
ned foolishly and acknowledged that 1t was
probably "his buy"
But, Caesars ghost! what relief" he
calculated as he was putting on his cuffs
and coat. And to think, that was numb
skull enough never to suspect you Conan
ches for an instant"