The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1903-02-07
hen Won are lonesome you realize

in, Skinny. Youse got y'r hans in yr
pockets. baltimore News.
German Instructor Ito usually late
student)-'I see you are early Of late;
you used to be behind before, and now
you are first at last. "-Harvard Lam
pooh.
His Needs Were Small.-Landlady-
What portion Of the chicken would
you like, Mr.. Newcomer" Mr.. New
comer-"Oh, half of it will be ample,
thank you" -rt-Blts.
Mrs. Waggs-T understand that
drinking Is one Of your husbands fail
ings." Mrs. Jaggs-"You have been
misinformed; 1t Is his most pronounced
success. "-Chicago Daily News.
Johnnie, this is the worst
composition in the class, and I'm going
to write to your father and tell him."
Johnnie-"Don't keer If We do; he wrote
it fer me."-Detroit Free Press.
Mrs. Grady-"Mrs. Dolan loikes her
second husband betther than her first"
Mrs. Dooley-"An' phwy?" Mrs. Grady
-"Shure, he's In Jail so much she has
nearly all she earns fer hersilf. -
Judge.
Consolation.-'T'm feeling very i'll
again, doctor; do you think I'm going
to die?" MY" dear madam, compose
yourself; that is the last thing in the
world that is going to happen to you"
-Tit-Bits.
lis this, then, to be the end of our
romance" he asked. NO." she an
sWered; my lawyer will call on you in
the morning. l have a bushel and
half Of your letters. Chicago Rec
ord-Herald.
Yes, l consider my life a failure"
oh, Henry, how sad! Why should
you say that?" Il spend all my time
making money enough to buy food and
clothes; but the food disagrees with
me, and my clothes don't ft"-What to
Eat.
"Oh, Major Bloodgore!" said a girl
ish gusher, they say that during the
war you were always cool in action"
"Cool!' declared the major; why, my
dear girl, l was so cool that when |
ShiVered people lnsInuated that / was
trembling. Herald.
She-"Some persons claim that thew
cannot look from a height without
wishing to cast themselves down. Did
you ever have, that feeling, Mr.. Yearn-
SOP He-"Once." Indeed? Where
we're youT Il was in an elevated car,
and l saw you in the street."-New
York Weekly.
But can you cook?" asked the pro.
sale young man. LET us take those
questions up in their proper order" re-
urned the wise girl. THE matter Of
cooking Is not the first to be consid. |
red" Then what Is the f1rst?" he |
demanded. Can you provide the things
o be cooked?'-Chicago Evening Post.
Harris-"When l meet Flanders he
has something to say about
he virtues of his first wife, and nv
vie says Mrs. Flanders Is always talk
ng about her first husbands good
POINTS" Damon-"So they both have
'een married before?" Harris-"Yes.
What pity that first husband and that
lrst wife couldn't have married one an.
ther! They'd make an ideal match.
Mrs. Temperton-'I've got the dear
st old darling Of husband that ever
appened. He has an awful temner
nd about once month he gets mad
nd tears up my best hat" Miss Sim
leton-"And you call him a dear old
airing after that? How can your"
lrs. Temperton.-"Well, you see, he
ways has a fit of remorse next dav
nd buys me better one."-Chicapo
Jews.
"Rather absent-minded, isn't hep"
Extremely SO. Why, the other night
hen he got home he knew there was
he wanted to do, but he
ouldn't remember what it was until he
ad sat up over an hour trying 10
link. And did he finally remember
" Yes; he discovered that he had
anted to go to bed early."-Philadel.
MIA Press.
lie was cutting an item from news '
aper. 1T tells how house was
'bDed' and want to show it to nv
ife," he explained. what good will
at doY a friend inquired. "A whole {
t." was the reply; you see this house =
as robbed while the man was ar =
Lurch with his WIFE" "saym ex. 9
aimed the friend, excitedly. "vo,,
vent got duplicate copy of that pa t
r. have you?-Chicago Post. %
First Pianist-"Did you have much ot 8
audience at your recital Yesterday Z
ternoonT Second Pianist-"SnIan.
d. There were two men, three WON. {
and boy. The boy, afterwards 6
lrned' was employed about the Dlaca &
d the two men came in for shelter 90 g
was raining at the time. But Tho 8
rec women were all right. They came a.,
hear me, l know, for I gave then
passes myself. Boston Tron
'ipt.
nfs. Ferguson reached over, took
lg' dark hair off her husbands shorI