The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1903-01-01
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what is the best powder for ba.
bies?" asked the woman. "Gunpow-
der!' absently replied the druggist,
who had been up all night with his
own.
First Decorator-I advised him to
have his house decorated during his
wife's absence as surprise. Second
Decorator-Good! Then We'll have to
do it all over again when she gets
back.
Eyes, higgins is going to send his
daughter across the water for her
voice." Thinks it will be cultivated in
Europe?" "No; he's got an idea that
maybe she'll lose it on the way."-Bal-
timore News.
Il see by the newspapers" remark
ed Reeder, that the miners in the
Rand are sending out appeals for
wives" us that soT calculated Hen
nypeck, in an eager Whisper. "They
can have mine."
He-Oh, pray, Miss Dalrlmple, don't
call me Mr.. Brookes. She-Oh, but
l..
(Sweetly) Why shouldn't call you Mr..
Brookes? He-Oh, only because my
names Somerset!
First Chappie-I wonder now, Chol-
lie, how the donkey ever came to be
used as the-eer, emblem Of stupidity?
Second Chappie with a yawn)-Don't
know, I'm sure, deah boy; must have
been before our day.
Young Man dining at his club
Don't you think James, that these
lonely dinners at the club drive a num-
Der Of men to matrimony? Waiter
Maybe, sir; but not so many as mat
rimony drives to the club!
"Just fancy, Weginald; I've forgot
ten ma cahrd case" "Nevah mind
dean boy; I'll lend you some Of mine"
"But-ah-the name would be differ
ent, you know" bah ,Jove, so it
would! What head you have, Algyw
John" whispered Mrs. Stubb, in the
wee hours. there is a burglar down
stairs, and l want you to go down."
well, guess not" responded her hus-
band, turning over for another nap;
''Id have you know that l don't asso-
ciate with burglars"
Mrs. Housekeep-I don't know much
about the new girl, but she's good
natured and harmless, at any rate
Mr. transcription did you find that
out? Mrs. Housekeep-I notice that
she sings at her work. Mr.. Housekeep
That's no proof; a mosquito does
that.
Cholly-I nevah see such a queer
girl. While l was calling there the
othah evening she made me pet her
pug dog and asked me If l didn't want
to kiss the beast. Miss Pepprey-The
idea! Perhaps she doesn't know that
you smoke Philadelphia
Press.
Mrs. Bizzy-I am so sorry to hear
that your wife has been throwing the
crockery at you again, Casey. Where
did she hit you? Casey-Faith Ma-am!
That's what OF do be afther complaint
in av. Twas a whole set av dishes
broke to pieces an she niver hit me
wanst.-Brooklyn Life.
"Now," said the Sunday school
teacher, In her most winning. tones,
(which little boy can tell us about the
still small voice that is within us?"
"Please'm," said the freckled boy at
the end Of the seat. my uncle has
one" HAS hep? "Yes'm. He's a
ic<
Cholly proudly)-By Jove! I'm quite
a professor Of swimming, don't you
know. I taught Mabel Galley how to
swim In two lessons. Jack-Gad! That
was a quick throw-down. Cholly Qn-
dignantly)-What do you mean? Jack
Why, she let me give her ten lessons
before she learned.-Brooklyn Life.
Towne-My wife used to get nervous
every time she heard a noise down
stairs, but l assured her that it could
not be burglars, because they're al
ways careful not to make any noise.
Browne-So that Gained her, Ell?
Towne-Not much. Now she gets ner-
vous every time she doesn't hear any
noise.
Say, pa" began little Willie again,
why" "Now, see here" his pa
interrupted, 81 told you wouldn't an
swer any more questions. Let this be
the last now. What is it?" II just
wanted to know, pa, why you don't
answer my questions Is 1t cause
you're ignorant, or jest cause yer in
digestion's come onT-Philadelphia
Press.