The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-01-23
cULPEPPER PHILOSOPHERS.
Descants on Turkeys Statesmen
 Celebrates 35th Anniversary.

Editor The Advertiser:
 | I am sitting up behind turkey today. | Turkey, when bordered and festooned with the right etceteras. is like Ellison said of 'taters,' a very fine dish. I'm not telling you this to make your town mouth water, but gradually to approach the subject. and. incidentally. disabuse you and other town people of we'll grounded and general mistake. You | town people have an idea that we coun- | try fellows who raise everything and something over have turkey every day for dinner. That's mistake. We don't have turkey more than half the time. We have to eat chicken and hog meat some to avoid a surplus. Besides; we like a variety and can't stand turkey all the time. On festive occasions, like | Thanksgiving and Christmas tho we'll balanced man ever writes 1t Xmas ) we let you fellows have a few of our plenty to make merry with your friends and put a good taste in your mouths. Turkey Is mainly for two things--to eat and to carve, or vice versa A fel- | low with a rundown appetite is not apt to turn up his nose at a nice piece of breast, but they tell me that that poor rich fellow. Rockefeller. would pay q round million (and advance the price of oil to pay it) just to be able to eat one drum stick" He's such modern Midas that pity him every other day when l sit down to turkey. But, tur- key is also to be carved. and that brings on more and lots of talk You don't read of Job ever being tried with the job of carving a turkey with his Sun day clothes on. There are some tests | that are too strenuous and the inspired writer didn't want to spoil a moral or I a.f- a aNsb@f ASI Job to this supreme test. Sometimes, l think the head of the family only has 1 turkey for dinner to test my amiability and get up a TOW. think the man who can come out of the trial unspotted | from cuss words that cannot be uttered is like the unappreciative listener to a miserable orchestra.
 "Fit for treason, stratagem and spells ' I don't like to associate with such a fellow-hes too internal good. and when man arrives at that stage of perfec- ton it takes an Argus to watch him. Some people whose souls proud science never taught to stray far as the solar walk or milky way may not be acquaint- ed with Argus. Well. he's the disgrun- tied politician who gets knocked out in his choice for Speaker or the "Lily White" who keeps an eye on the Demo- cratic Referee for Alabama. It is a | good thing to have explanations as we go along It was once my good fortune to enjoy the hospitality or a gentleman who thought I was fairly well-informed. but whose excellent wife proceeded upon the theory that I am a natural-born fool. Whenever he would tell me something that she thouGht was too hard for me. she would kindly explain. He told me of some one who had a discriminating mind She. in a low voice, told me That means a good head" When he spoke of another man of towAring intel lect she whispered to me. That's Broth CT John" and thus she made clear to me the things a'hnve my counprehension. | It is well enouvh 10 he aa1le to under stand pe0ple. Only the other day a 9onA | h~nther in suAaFing of one Of our haif. harmArAh p~Aa rhers. called hirn q "li- cen+iops" nrAacher. was sat'afAd he meant 'licentiste. but he called if the other way. There is a considerable diff ference. though We do have regular iesn. tlous preachers (more's the pity). and some churches instead Of dismissing them with coat of tar and feathers. allow them to resign and accept the resigna- ton with the stereotyped regret when they are SO glad they don't know what to do. Let's get back A man moderate ly good VIII show his excellence in