davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1903-08-23

yell at me; and, trying to please, 1 give someting a kick at every good void of advice, and de ma chine would buck and waltz and do grapevine twists, but never let up on de gait dat l knew would fetch me to Boston in time for me dinner or me funeral
 On de level, dere is a kind of fun in dat sort of going. l spose dat's because you haven't time to guess what de harvest will be. Anyway, l began to tink dat I'd have de ha-ha on shuffer when l got home, bat jus den l sees ahead of me, and coming my way, Q Victoria w-l it's hind top up. l knowed it for Whiskers', because he's de only gent in our parts dat uses a Victoria on de road, and he always has de back top up coming -ome from morning drive down Greenwich way, to keep de un off.
 1 just had time to remember dat a new coac man had took Whiskers out dat morning, and dat he looked like a farmer, and would likely tink I'd be minutes getting to him, when I'd be sec onds, for a fact. l woiked de horn wit one hand and steered as far to de righ- as l could wit de odder hand, but p'chee he was turning to his left. He was a Britisher, see? When he saw how I was coming he got de rattles, and turned to de left de way dey do at home. 1 tries to give a quick turn to de left, and more tings happened in a second dan you could put in book. De ma chine skidded, kicked lever dat stopped and revoised and de stop was so student dat 1 went on me way wit a coive in de air dat landed me glancing on de Victoria top, and frcl dere l shot off like a golf ball dat hits Q rock on de fly, and landed on top of load or hay, in de field, and got pitch fork of IL over me dat de farmer was running up when 1 started.
 must have bumped me coco on a frame of de carriage top, for I was down and out till hears someone say, Why, here he isl" and dey chucks de hay off me, and dere was half de folks in de coun- try rubbering.
 God bless my soul, it's
The Birmingham age-herald., 1903-08-23

JuSl uGn DLS-4CAo COlueo out 10 see what was de circus and she says dat it was foolish for to start me on de grounds; dat de way to do was to take de machine out in de old Post Road in front of de place, and head it for Boston, for I'd always been croisy to see Bos- ton.
 On you way, woman!" I says. Do you spose dat could see Boston if got dere on dis dinky ting?"
 But MT. Paul says dat 1t was a good idea, and we trundles de ting out to de road, and I was put up in de saddle again; Den MT. Paul asks me did I remember all dat he'd told me about it.,
 say Sure" says. Let her go," says I, for I was sore on Duchess for tipping off re road. wanted to start on de lawn, where I'd had chance to run down to de beach and drown de machine.
 MT. Paul he touched a match to someting, Shuffer pumps some ting else, l twisted all de screws and levers 1 could get me hands on, puts me feet on de peddle, dey gives it a shove, and was off. For while it was only like rid ing a plain bike, except dat you sits on a beer keg, or feel like you do; but pretty soon tings be- gan to get gay, and dere was sput- ters and sparks and smoke and smells and choo-choos and gurgles and gasps and jolts, and l was wondering when I'd go up in de air.
 Great woik, Chames," yells MT. Paul, who was running along side. "Rememler de inter-locking fric- tion cutoff. when de inter1ector counter-balance engages wit de-
 I didn't ear no more. Someting must interlocked for fair; for all of student l let MT. Paul like he was going backwards, and de machine and me strikes a gait for Boston dat puts Winton into de post hole. It wasn't so woise. All 1 had to do was to keep her in de middle ot dc road, and pray dat nobody else would want de same place. 1 trun me feet up to de coaster holts, but one of me feet struck someting dat did tings to de engine, and we starts off on a new gait dat made de foist one seem like strolling in meadow. seen sometIng ahead, and woiked de fog horn signal for all de noise dere was in it, and what 1 seen turned into de ditch, and wien I passed it 1 saw dat it was a bicycle club out on a run. AS I passed dey sets up a holler dat I was deir pace maker, and for me to slow down till dey could get under way. Slow down! If I'd known what to pull, Io slow down, I'd pulled it mile from it's socket, so I just waves me hand for em to follow-I wante-. somebody along to pick up de pieces-and away I goes!
 I kept de road clear for a time wit de fog horn, and nearly every ting I passed turned and chases after me, until I was folleyed by most of de bikes, mobes and fast horses of Westchester county, and I began to feel some some chesty.
 Dose dat wasn't travelling in anyting dat could keep me in sight gives me good advice on de fly. "Muffle your exhaust "Un- couple your compounder," Hook up your compensator," dey would
The Birmingham age-herald., 1903-08-23

Chamesl" l hears Whiskers say. and says, Yes, sir, was you wanting anyting, sir?"
 Well, dey treats me like l was a Mddie; lifts mo down, and monkies over me to see was broke, and all dat dey could find was lump on me COCO as big as your fist. Willy Widdy was in de carriage wit Whiskers, and she gives me someting to sniff dat made me sneeze, so man in mobe pulls out c flask and he says, Here, young man, sniff dat"
 l sniffs about tree fingers of it, and it puts me to de good, for fair. Den 1 looks for do machine, and it had hit one of dose stone walls dey raises in our country; and de biggest piece we found was de ruber bulb of de horn.
 Leave it dere," says Whiskers, land get up in de box wit driver, and come home," he says.
 Did you ever hear French goil jaw? A cabby underpaid, and a star in a poor dressing room uses pretty-pretty langwudge along side a French goil when she is doing her best at scolding. When Duchess began to plaster up me back, where de skin was off, she asks did MT. Paul know what kind of a deal I was in for. De more I told ger dat he didn't, de more she made up her mind dat he did, and if he had heard her opinion of him he would liquidat- ed himself at bargain counter prices. He would rode de ma chine as soon as me-" I said, If I'd been shy on de proposition"
 But I couldn't square MT. Paul wit her. She said dat de only way he could make her believe dat he didn't put up job to make her a widdy was to tip me well. What do you call well?" l asks, and Duchess says dat noting less dan two dollars would put MT. Paul to de good in her opinion.
 When I'd been plastered up and rubbed down l goes about me bus mess, and l meets MT. Paul in de hall, and he asks me into de IT, brary.
 'I'm glad you wasn't holt much, Chames," he says.
 Tanks" I says. Barring bump on me conk, and being a
The Birmingham age-herald., 1903-08-23

digs him out, and asks him had he examined de bike, and what did he tink of it. Jhuffer humps his shoulders, and says dat he'd diplo- mas and licenses to run mobes in French and English, but when it come to run a two-wheeled freak he'd pass de job up to MT. Paul. So we starts worrying de insides of de poor ting, and MT. Paul said dat he remembered all dat de man said who'd sold him de ting; and we'd give it a trial. It wasn't built for two, and I was tinking what he meant by We"
 Its like dis" he says. Dis feed pipe is introduced to de in- jector, and de cutoff is coiled on de 'ciprocating oscilator, when de fuse is detached for pedal power, and den all you has to do is to trun de friction clutch in action wit de left foot while de right controls de sleeve of de water jacket; den wit one hand force dis lever two notches on de ratch- ct, and wit de odder hand, steady de ejector to keep de explosion gague from backing up to de tank, for den de only danger of a back draught will be minimized."
 "Is dat all?" I says.
 Dat is all, while running on a level; but for hill climbing, and coasting, and stopping, and start ing, and going slow, or fast, dere is few stunts dat is performed by dis battery of levers and cocks and screws and cut-offs and fawcets, which you reach by rais- In de saddle, anu controlling de handle bar wit your knees"
 "Is it wort while boddering wit" I says. "Isn it too easy, sir," l says.
 De easy part is for de rider de man told me dat-but de in- structor, who stands on de ground and gives simple orders on one syllable woids, he has C hard task, indeed" says MT. Paul.
 Let's get shuffer to ride, and I'll give orders," says, for shuffer tries gailly-gailly wit Duchess, and was willing for him to have a nice easy job like dat.
 No" MT. Paul says, tautful, Dis is a American machine, and it takes a American to ride it. Don't you want to try, Chames? Of course if you is afraid, I'll ask one of de gardeners to ride it."
 Of course, when de game was put up to me in dat way had to draw cards, and look cheerful as cheerful as I could. Nearly all de hands on de place was rubber ing around, to see what would happen, and Maggie de house maid she whispered to me did l want her to take any message to Duchess before l mounted. De coachmaa's kid asks me would dey wake me on de premises or on de bowery; cause he never seen a wake, and wanted to know. Housekeeper told me dat her uncle was a bone setter, anu would do a job for any friend of hers at half price, and butler says to me, on de sly, dat a cousin of his had lived tree days wit a broken neck, and had his pictures in all de papers, but was never well enough before he died to see de papes, what was a great sorrow to his family.
 When shuffer found out dat he wasn't to be asked to ride it, he got friendly, and helped MT. Paul to hold de ting up straight, while l got on, and MT. Paul did tings to it's inside,
The Birmingham age-herald., 1903-08-23
triae shy of skin on me back, I'm

as good as ever"
 MT. Van Courtlandt ing Nhiskers-"tells me dat it was de new coachman's fault; turning to de left" MT. Paul says. Dat was lucky for me-" l says. "If someting hadn't stopped me I couldn't stopped meself, and would have landed in Boston; and I didn't have me Boston guide book in me pocket. No harm," l says. es
 q spose Hortense feels much hoit?"
 "Woise dan me-" I says, rubing me conk.
 I'm sorry it happened. Chames," says he Perhaps dis will make you feel better" and he passes me out flyer.
 Dat was two and half to one better dan Duchess had figured on; and I was laying out plan how to hold out de balance on her, but it was no use. She was laying for me when I left MT. Paul, and she says, "How much, CheemesY"
 Two bones," I says. Two cases"
 Ut was more," she says. If 1t was only two you'd say it was one. Hand over Cheems. It is a good ting dat you have a careful wife, to keep your money, for you might get extravagant and buy a house and lot on Eft Avnoo. Pungle, Cheems," she says, using good English, sos I would under stand.
 Whats de use! I can get trun a mile trough de air, and have de luck to land on load of hay; but when it comes to holding out on Duchess, why, dat's magic, and l aint up in de part. But de new coachman and me had lovely time dat evening, and If his wife didn't use more sticking plaster on him dan Duchess used on me, his wife didn't do her duty.
 But I done mine, and dat coach will turn to de right, all right, after dis, all right, sure.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1903-08-23

OMhbOOI was lcllluS MI. NN Paul dat de bicycle dat
 goes by kerseen oil is de real ting in de way of motor going. He got one. I'd as lief he hadn't, for I'd have more skin to de square inch of Chimmie if he hadn't; but wouldn't got a lovely tip, and dat's wort some skin.
 Foist, let me ask you: what's de matter wit walking, driving, or riding--or stopping to home? Ev- erybody desc days has gone clean dotty on how to get somewhere else dan dey is, ah-. getting dere someodder way dan is good for deir heaits. If l had no more use to woik for a living dan MT. Paul and Whiskers, I'd make up me mind where I'd be satisfied to be, an den I'd go dere by canal boat, and stop dere. But nay, nay! Everybody no sooner gets some- where dan dey wants to get some where else; an at dat dey aint satisfied to go by way dat leaves em | fair chance of getting dere in de same pieces dey started: dey wants de odds to be, dat deyl get dere in job-lots deir own mod ders wouldn't know.
 Oats no joke: One Johnnie in Paris has de center of de stoige, and all de lime light he can stand, because he can go from one part ob de city to anodder in balloon sometimes! Whats de matter wit de streets? Den a scientific gazea- boo in Washington where de Pres ident makes laws for de lawyers, is out for a record wit flying ma chine dat Uncle Sam himself is putting up de price for. Whats de matter wit em all? Why dis hustle to get off de cart? Isn't de woild big enough as it's laid out? If it's only dat dey feels sporty, and wants to run risk of deir necks every time dey gets move on, don't two trains try to pass on on de same track often enough to suit?
 We'll, anyway, MT. Paul he gets de croise, and lands one of dose bikes dat has all kinds of devil machinea under de saddle.
 "Chames," he says to me, "come out to de ottermoble shed, and we'll have a look at me new mo- tor-bike," he says.
 Say, de way I didn't want to see dat ting would make play. could go around 1t wit me eyes shut, and be as happy as if I'd seen pretty goil.
 But I never -enigs on MT. Paul; he's a sporty lad, himself, and so what he says goes wit me.
 Did you ever get close to one Of dose machines? No? Don't A plain everyday mobile is hay wagon alongside of motor bike. Dey has pipes and fuses and tanks and stopcocks and start cocks and sparks and regulators and coils and oil and 1ectricity and benzine, and I don't know at tell. And you straddles dat
 put. It would be hard luck to
 e 1t in de same county wit
 )u-but straIdle 1t!
 MT. Paul has a French shuffer. yhat shuffs his mobes, and de shuffer he fetches de motor bike put of de shed, and he gives it a look. like he'd sawed off a rattle snake on us, and he chases back into de shed, and gets to woik on his back under a mobe, and lets on dat he was too busy to know what we wanted. But MT. Paul
The Birmingham age-herald., 1903-08-23
NE SENDS IT FREE ID MEN


 turer Speaks for itself: Dear Editor: If any of your readers are suffering from Lost M,- od. Ner- yous Debility, Shrunken Organs, Sexual Weakness etc., and want a sure. quick cure, tell them to write to me and l will gladly send them free prescription with full directions for a home treatment in plain, sealed envelope-one that l know will do the work. There Is no charge whatever; just tell them to write me in confidence and l will show them how to avoid scheming medical quacks and re- gain their health without personal em- barrassment Yours respectfully. THOS. BRADFORD. 315 Bradford Bldg.
 Cincinnati, O.
 (Other papers please copy) 7-22-th-tu-su-1mo
The Birmingham age-herald., 1903-08-23

Go to McVay's, 2l2O Second avenue, for the largest and coolest glass of Moerlein beer.
The sun., 1903-09-23
GREEN WINS A POINT.
Commissioner Hall VIII Not Hold Him on
the Indictment Alone.

B1NGHAMroN, n, Y. Sept. Estate
Senator George L. Green, who is president
of the International Time Recording Com
pany, and who was indicted in Washin ct on
last week for bribery of George W. Beavers
in promoting the sale Of his company's
clocks to the Post Office Department, was
arragned before United States Commits
sioner Hall here at 10 o clock this morning.
Senate or Green S lawyer opposed the efforts
of United States District Attorney Curt iss
to introduce in evidence copies of the in
dctment, bench warrant and complaint
Commissioner Hall sustained the defence
and repeated his ruling Of Saturday that
he could not hold the prisoner on the evil
dence before him All adjournment was
taken until Sept. 2s.
District Judge Ray will be asked for his
opinion on the Government contention
that the indct ments constitute o prima
facie case If he supports the Government
warrant for removal to Washington for
trial will be asked for. Otherwise witnesses
will be produced before Commissioner Hall
next Monday in support Of the Indictment
At the city caucuses tonight the Re-
publicans of Senator Green's ward, the
Eleventh. returned him to the county
committee and passed resolution of
confidence in him.
The sun., 1903-09-23
SCARED BY WOULD-BE SUICIDE.
Newhail Cut His Throat and Then Jumped
From q window In Sight OF . Crowd.

Albert Newhall. an architect, OF 1872 Union
avenue, The Bronx, attempted suicide
twice yesterday, first by cutting his throat
with a razor and then by throwing him
self from fifth floor window. He will
probably die.
Newhall's wife and four children we're
eating dinner when they heard him make
a strange noise in the front room. Mrs.
Newhall rushed in and found him standing
in the middle Of the floor with razor
in his hand and blood streaming from
deep wound in the neck. He made dash
for her. and she grabbed her children and
ran downstairs. Neighbors got policeman
and telephoned to the Letancn Hospital.
When a policeman and Dr. Rosenberg
appeared Newhall threw himself headlong
from the rear window of his fiat Back
of the house is a summer garden, in which
were many Jews celebrating their New Year
holiday. Newhall landed on the roof
of shed and bounded to the ground. The
appearance Of the injured man, with the
razor still in HE hand, caused a panic, in
which several women tainted.
The policeman ran downstairs and man
aged to knock the razor out OF Newhall's 8
hand, but it took a hard fight to subdue
him sufficiently to get him into strait
Jacket He was taken to the Lebanon
Hospital, where it was said that his con-
dition was hopeless The police said last
night that the mans action was the result
of an effort to break himself Of the habit Of
drinking
The sun., 1903-09-23
MITCHELL SAYS GO SLOW.
The Miners Leader Says Union Labor
Should Not Anita EOnize Roosevelt.

INDIANAPOLIS, Sept. 22.-It was learned
here to-day that John Mitchell, president
of the United Mine Workers Of America,
left here for Washington on Sunday night
impressed with the idea that organized
labor could not afford to make an issue
with President Roosevelt in the Miller
case He had reached these conclusions,
it is said, from reasons entirely separate
from the merits OF the controversy be-
tween the Washington typographical
Union and the President. and he said that
organized labor would make a mistake by
taking up the controversy.
According to one of his friends Mitchell
said that President Roosevelt is not op-
posed to organized labor and that the
Government has never shown any inclina-
ton to discriminate against man because
he was member of a labor union. On
the contrary, he said that the Administra-
ton has shown sympathy with labor and
so long as there is no actual discrimination
against union men there should be no in
vitation from them for a controversy which
might engender prejudice and ultimately
result in harm.
1t is not known here what Mitchell S
attitude in the meeting of the American
Federation Council in Washington has
been, but his friends believe that he is
standing out against the advice Of Presi-
dent Gompers and that the breach bet ween
them which began during the strike Of the
EMPLOYEES Of the United States Steel Cor
poration will be further widened.
The sun., 1903-09-23
Obituary Notes.

Prof. Henry H. Bruins. SO years old. who
devoted the last few years of his life TO Ameri-
canizing needy foreigners without cost to
them. died suddenly on Sunday at his home,
17 East Twenty second street Prof, Bruns's
charity has made him well known in the
section in which he lived. He came to this
country from Germany when he was is years
old and was graduated from Notre Dame
University in 1896. He was a professor of
theology in the vineland, n, j., seminary
for ten years or late he had cOnd ducted n
school of modern languages but as he gave
tuition free to those whom he thought needed
IL, they composed a large percentage of his
students.
George r. Wilcox Of Rivervile. Conn.
died at his home yesterday Of heart disease.
and was the eldest son of tho late Josiah
Wilcox. who was one Of the incorporators
National Nat n Bank Of Port Chester Mr., Wilcox
wes Interested in n carriage hardware factory,
was Il member OF the firms Of Peck. Stowe
4 Wilcox. the. .Etna Bolt Company and Howe
Chester Savings Bank and had been director
of the First National Bank nearly twenty
years. He is survived by widow and two
children.
residens da[es Of the New Tot Lots dis district M in % Brook
lyn. died on Sunday IN his home at 32l High
land Il hc h Mss n
ohio, and an influential Whig politician in
that State He came Fast in 1851 and settled
in the old town OF New Lots He organized
a syndicate which purchased 100 acres Of
farm land in this district and laid it out in
building lots. He WAS one Of the founders
and a vestryman OF Trinity F. f. Church.
He leaves a widow. n son and two daughters.
william Scott died on Monday in his home
in Le~Trncc, l.. l.. after an illness OF few
hours, aged II years. He was prominently
Identified with the Masonic order and for
thirty-fve years had been, treasurer Of
Livingston Lodge, F and A NJ. OF New York.
honorary member of Olympia Lodge. F. and
A. NJ OF Far Rockawny. Mr., Scott organ
lied the Washington Hook and Ladder Com
pany OF Lawrence.
s. Otis Livingston Of rs East Sxty-fourth
street died on Monday at his summer home
MIR Livingston was he father OF Mrs Richard
IL Hunt, who was formerly Mrs, Walter W
Watrous He WAS u director Of the Livingston
Nail Cmpany and the Lafayette Fire Insur.
| anCe Company and u trustee Of the United
States Savings Bank, 1e belonged to the
| Union Lcngue. Hardware and Tuxedo clubs,
Edward McFadden. druggist. died. in hi
! twrnt ty-seypnth year on Monday OF parnlysi,
! at his home. go Greene avenue. Brooklyn
F, liz was employed In drug house IN Man
! haitian and was son Of the Into Edward
! McFGdden. for many years the principal oi
| Public school - at Degraw and Hicks streets
| Brooklyn,
| Alison 5. sherman. who was the Oldest
former Mayor Of Chicago living. died yester
and and the West He died OF old age.
| Daniel J, Sheehan. q well known silk dyer
| died last nj ght at his homo In Paterson, N,
| He had been connected with the silk dyeinl
trade In Paterson since 1857.
The sun., 1903-09-23
Army and NAVY Orders.

WASHINGTON. Sept % These army orders were
issued To day:
The following oN,ccrs of the ARTILLERY Corps
School OF Marine Defence Fort Totcn and ASST n I'd
TO duty as indicated Capt John r. Martin. Forty
eighth Company. Coast Artillery. Capt Henry ID.
Todd Ninety seventh Company; Capt. Thomas
". Winston. Twelfth Company Capt william
C. Davis Forty ninth Company Capt. Leroy s.
Lyon TO unassigned list: Capt. Tcmann \ Horn.
Fiftlcth Company: Capt Samuel A. kcppart,
Seventy seventh Company,
The following otnccrs OF tho Artillery Corps are
transferred to the School OF Submarine Defence
Fort Tottcn, for instruction Captains George +.
barney, Wilmot Eli!s, Frank c Mondn, Daniel
" kctcham, Rogers r Gardner. Joseph l.. Knowl
ton Harry + Jackson. Lloyd England, Percy NJ.
Kcsser and George r. Patterson.
The following transfers Of ofnccFs Of the Artllcr,
CORPS are made Cant John T.. stephens To lOTth
COMPANY. Coast Artillery; Capt. william {. Rafferty,
10 Eighty eighth Company Capt. Alfred NJ Hunter
10 Sixteenth Company: Capt OthO ", B. Farr "a
Nlnetcth Company; CAN'T William +. HuSe to Sev
cnth Company; Capt, RndchcS l. Carmichael to
Eighty sixth Company; Capt. BENJAMIN Kochlcr
To unaSsg ned list Capt Ernest II Scott to Eightieth
fourth Company Capt Albert J Bowl"y 70 i0o'h
second Company; FIRST Lieut. John ". Gullck Ia
l07th COMPANY: First LlSpt Alfred NJ Mason
Twenty sixth Company,
Charles Mex. Psrr third class. and Emmet G
Wilson fourth class. cadets Of the United state.
Military Academy, having been reported as deficien
10 conduct are discharged from service OF th'
Chaplain Andrew c. Murphy. assigned 70 Tw.n
teth Infantry Fort Columbus.