The semi-weekly messenger. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1897-1908, 1903-07-28
FADDEN LIGHTS A PIPE.
Whereupon MIR. Paul Has a Dream That is All
Ready Money. with No Discount.
By EDWARD w. TOWNSEND.

Copyright. 1893, by Robert Howard
Hussell.D
1t was like dis, Mr.. Paul says to me
de odder day would I pilot him up and
down Main street a BIZ. before New
York got so far ahead Of him dat he
couldn't find his way to choich witout
a compass.
1 says sure, and he asks Whiskers
would he chase along in de procession.
But Wh!skers says nay. nav. No"
says he. 4 has lived half a hundred
years in dis city of me brit. witout
knowing any more about it dan 1 need
ed to find me way to me club, me bank.
me choich and TO de few teeatreS LAT is
not playing Fitch or rag-tIme. On your
way" he "a I'm satisfied. I'll leave
it to travel underground, and for to do
business in balloons"
"Shall we travel in me mobile,
Chames?" says Mr.. Paul.
Il pass" 1 says. "All mobiles dat
doesn't Dust deirselves, buSts into de
subway" 1 says. I'd RAIDER travel
by hand.' I says.
So We hikes out. and 1 passes him up
to a few of de new teeatres dat is
blooming fort in de tenderloin.
us L says, WHICH, VIC IO1SS
fort street, lis de Drury Lane, climb
ing up into de sky; dis on Forty-folst
is to be de New Amsterdam; and right
here. Il says, pointing a little way off,
on FOrty-Second, lis where de same
parties is to build de Liberty: and here
Lyric: OF F~Orty-SiXt Dan Froman's new
Lyceum; and over here on F~orty-nint
de new Comedy: and
Hold on" says Mr.. Paul. you skip
ped Forty-sevent and F~orty-eight
Streets
GIVE 'em time" 1 says. Kirk La
Shell and Billy Brady ome in dere.
Let us take de l.. and go out to Har
lem. and see de two new teeatres me
friends Tim Sullivan. and Harry Min
or's kid. is running up dere,' L says
mo- says Mr.. Paul, tautful like,
''let us go and look down in de subway
awhile, to get de twist out of me neck
1 got from looking up at de tall bulld-
ings.'
1--WE hasn't struck de tall buildings
vet" I says. "Dere's two sky-scrapers
of hotels going up on Long Acre
Square: and you never seen de AnSon-
ia, furder out de Lane, wit twict as
many rooms as de Waldorf; and de"
mo more! No more today says Mr..
Paul. Let US ~philosphise. What is we
coming to-"
DE subway" I says. Look out for
de blast"
Il mean what is society coming to-"
he says.
Search me-" I says. It's struck
Lent already" 1 says, "and Bridge
whist tables is woiking overtime"
Bridge Whist won't last, says he.
Its a female'-'no. dat wasn't de
void he used. What's dat? OATS it.
Tanks. Its a phemeral fad" he says,
what we imported from Lunnon n
it will stray to de woods as soon as
dere's enough teeatres in town for V
erybody to get a seat dats got de price
OATS de point: we is all coming to de
teeatre; which is to say we is all going
to de teeatres, elder as actors. or as
audience"
I'D RAIDER deal de game" L says,
"dan b. buy chips"
WELL" says Mr.. Paul. 1--WE must all
do one or de odder. Dere will SOC be
so many teeatres dat we all must be in
de game, until Mr.. Edison perfects his
autO-actor.'
Oats a ringer on me-" 1 says, dat
auto-actOr."
Its near ready to be put on de mar
ket." says MI. Paul. Its to be run
by machinery and to
no boiler. even If de whoSt don't walk,
and all de press notices is roasts. Den
will come a happy time. De critics Will
all be graduates of school of engineer
ing. De part OF Hamlet, de press mo-
tice will say, was eXcellently rendered
by one of the new pattern, two n a
half horse power. drop forged leading
men, constructed on lines invented by
Mr.. Mansfield. By a novel contrivance
for which de inventor has patents) its
KLAUS is made to resemble de SOUND
of enthusiastic applause. De power is
directly geared to its legs, and. when a
friction clutch is trun on. dis character
can be used for buck, and ~fancy-step
dances between de acts. De Ghost was
played bv a high-powered, alcohol
heated, copper-tubed utility a which
slipped it's eccentric pin In de battle
ment scene, and. being hastily repair
ed. de wrong stop was pulled out, and
it finished de scene wit de lines OF Rip
Van Wrinkle. De Foist Grave Digger
was geared a little too high for de re-
quirements of de part. n trum 4or-
rlck's skull into de gallery, causing a
rough house intermeZZO. Furder re
hearsals will no oub smood de action
in dis respect. Ophelia was played Dy
a low pressure, napta, non-eXDloslve de-
sign. invented by May Irwin. We were
| not afforded opportunity to see dis
model at its best. for in de midle of de
flower scene an unfortunate accident t
her repertoire attachment started her to
singing: "All Coons Look Alike to Me-"
Dis was de result of engaging for de
part a chilled steel. gold plated, SOU
| brette, dat played in a Casino produc-
ton last week. Furder notice Is re-
| served. but we must urge managers tC
see dat de o Woiks of ~lady-autos for
merly employed in comi-opera is trur
out Of gear, when cast for de legiti-
mate"
Oats a great scheme" L says. 'Is
any of de stock On de market If it is,
I "a III go rubber at de GROUND
| floor"
NO. savs Mr.. Paul, sit was over.
subscribed b. de Syndicate. But 1 hope
| for d. best Chames," says he. IF Mr.
| Edison can manufacture de auto-actOrs
| fast enough we may be saved from be-
ing drafte ITO de drama. If de woist
| comes to do woist, and every New
Yorker is needed to act out on top OF
\ de stage, for de entertainment of d.
| strangers within our gate money, der
/ know what line OF parts 7 will play
Hand out de line" 1 says.