davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-04-01
Clever Little Stories.
Chicago NeWsD


Henry Ward Beecher was amused
when he went into a Bowery restau-
rant on one occasion and heard the
waiter give such orders to the cook as
Ham and 1872 "Siukers and COW"
etc. Watch me feaze that waiter with
am order which 1 believe he won't abb
breviate," remarked Beecher al length
as the waiter approached. Then he
said. Give us pOached eggs on toast
for two. with the yOlks broken" But
the waiter, who was equal 20 the
emergency, walked 90 the end of the
room and yelled. Adam and Eve on
raft, Wreck EN-" II is related that
Dr. Beecher nearly tainted.
i'm his recent book on China ana the
Chinese" DR.. Giles tells Of a very stiugy
Chiuaman who took "a paltry sum of
money 20 an artist-plymeut is always
eNacted i'm advanCe-and asked him to
paint his portrait. The artist at once
compiled with the request, but when
the portrait was finished nothing was
visible save the BACK of the sitter's
head. What does this meau?" cried
the sitter Indignantly. "Wen, replied
the artist, 81 thought a man who paid
So little as YOU paid wouldn't care 10
show his face"
Representative kitchin of North Car
ollna relates am amusing story of an
old justice of the peace IN his county.
10 seems that two young attorneys
were trying "a case before him. After
the arguments had followed the testi-
mony of the witnesses and the case
was closed the old fellow. awakening
from deep reyeries into which he had
fallen. said, addressing one of the law
yers. You know Hank. ] gave you the
decision in the last two cases, so
viii give this one TO Tom. You can't
expect To get them ALL"
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-04-01

place they knew Of. which was Hiram's
l barnyard
The two hired men followed their ex-
ample, while the deacon retired behinl
a stump 10 pray
IL was exactly 2.CSA from the second
pull Of the level until the first bovine
cleared the barnyard bars Hiram
considered this fair time for the first
trial.
Abou. o'clock that evening a dele
CATION of the neighb0rs. headed by Dea-
con rinkham, filed into Hiram's door
yard. They declined TO enter the house
but asked Hiram if he had been up
by his swamp lately.
Why. yes said he, II was up there
today"
Well. did you see or hear anything
Unusual?"
mo. not a thing, more'n what I'd
seen afore. Why, what's the matter
up there?'
Then the deacon related his expert
ence In graphic terms.
Hiram listened until he was through.
then he sat down on the doorstep and
slapped his sides. WTith5d and rOared
for fun two minutes. % the extreme in
dlgnatian Of his visitors
Then he draWlingly. explained TO them
that the whole thing was nothing but
the working of his patent COW fetch
cr"
Hiram never had 90 go after his COWS
again no matter what time of day or
I'm what part of the pasture the cattle
might be- all he had To do was % pull
the lever and the cattle did the rest
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-04-01
Corn-husk Hats.

philadelphia Saturday Evening Post)
Corn husks during the present sea
son have been bought up for the pur-
pose of utilizing them ia the manutac-
ture of "a new style of hat which may
become both fashionable and popular
next summer.
The material is cheap. In fact, it is
usually wasted. Properly cured corn
husks are tough and may be folded
without cracking. Dampened, they can
be made 20 assume any desired shape
The process of working corn husks
into hats is novel. somewhat intricate
and is protected by patent. 1t is said
that samples already turned out are
artistic as well as light and strong.
An element which enters signif-
C6ntly into the construction Of the hat
is the natural shape OF the husks, which
taper in width from base % tip. When
split the parts maintain this COnhgu-
ration, as they parallel the fibers.
This tapering of all the parts has
been AN important feature i'm the manu-
facture of the hat The brim and top
Of the hat are formed by series OF
layers of corn husks. To impart
novel appearance. the outer ends Of
some of these layers are pointed. Con-
siderable ingenuity has been displayed
i'm the entire construction Of the hat
even the band is made Of corn husks-
and 10 is asserted that the result Is
graceful and attractive. and that
though it may be constructed economi-
cally TO be sold at popular prices, more
expensive bands, requiring exceptional
skill IN the manufacture, viii be turned
out TO meet the demand for hats at
fancy prices.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-04-01

Hiram saw the red arm of the sema-
phore fan and rise.
well, I.l be h1rnswoggled! Say. do
/ YOU mind if I 60 down there and look
at that cOnTapuOn2"
Not in the least, but look out for
the train; IT'S coming soon"
"Oh. TN gree not 10 hurt your train. q"
said Hiram. and then he followed the
wire down 10 the signal fixture. exam
med il long and carefully.
When he came back there was a pc
culiar CLEAN in his eye
For the next few days there were
sounds Of much activity in Hiram s
workshop
Out by the barn he built a small
platform. On this he rigged an old
moving machine lever then he ran a
/ line of old telegraph wire, through Old
pulley wheels and staples, on the fence
posts along the lane. then from tree
10 tree across the pasture into the
swamp. on a little knoll of hard
ground be erected a rough framework
some ten feet high. on this he con-
structed a sliding frame that could be
raised from a squatting position 10 a
height Of fifteen feet. This he capped
with an inverted bushel basket on
which he painted a most horrible face.
then the whole was draped with a long
. black gown of old bunting. $50 that
when 10 rose 10 presented the hige fig
ure Of a giant boyle.
There were two pieces Of rubber that
drew up along "a well reSined cord, at
tached TO an old tin wash boiler, firmly
fastened TO the framework below, eaus-
ing most unearJhly howl TO vibrate
from the boiler.
More than this, the efigy was pro-
Vided with long arms which waved up
and down and on which old tea kettles
and stew pans dangled against Old
clippers and coffee pots.
Patiently Hiram toiled, while the in
nocent and trusting bovines grazed
heartily on the sweet grasses near by.
totally unconscious Of any evil designs
against them.
AT last an was complete and connect
ed. Hiram gathered his tools and de-
parted, and once more the dismal quiz
etude settled like a funeral palI over
the Shiny fastness Of the swamp.
The next day Hiram waited with
chlldlike eagerness and Impotence.
True to their purpose at nightfal the
cattle promptly entered the swamp
It was with a rapidly beating heart
that the inventor took his stand at the
lever. 1t was the supremest moment of
his life, that meant either his crown
ing triumph or his dismal failure.
He drew a long breath, then bravely
grasped the lever and gave one strong
pull. He waited a moment and pulled
again
Now Hiram would have given dollars
to have been at that moment at the
swamp end of his invention
D. Ill
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-04-01
PERSONALS.

c. r. Woodau came down from Soda
Springs Saturday and viii spend this
week 10 Salt Lake.
William Bartling Of the New York
Cash store has returned from California
much improved iu health.
Miss Maggie Lawson who resigned her
position as cashier az the ROYAL bakery
yesterday. was presented with q hand
some gold watch by the employees of
the cafe.
Councilman A. j. Davis left yesterday
for Chicago, where he viii ioin his wife.
Who has been visiting friends for sew
eral weeks.
Rev. r. ]. Goshen of the Con~rega-
uonal church iu OGDEN will preach at
the First Congregational church I'm this
city Sunday.
City Engineer L. G.. Kelsey left yes
terday on his thirty days eastern trip.
While away he viii inspect municipal i'm
provemeut with the intention OF using the
latest methods i'm contemplated improve
ments 20 DE made ina this city this sum-
mer.
Owing to failing health John J.
Br0ughal, superintendent of the DAILY
Judge Mining company has resigned his
position. 90 take effect April ]. Mr..
broughau Is a heavy stOcknOlder i'm the
company So that his resignation will not
affect his personal interest in the work
lnes OF said property. Mr.. and Mrs.
Broughal will leave shortly for New
York City their former home ia the hope
that the lower altitude will benefit Mr..
BrOughalls health.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-04-01
Wrong Bird.


The irascible gentleman had ordered
chicken. But when he got it he
wasn't satished-some people never
are.
Waiter" he yelled. bring a charge
Of dynamite and hatchet and an
extra double steam power coke ham
mer. This chickens got to be carved,
even if il is made of HarveyiZed steel. "
The waiter was desOlate.
Very sorry, sir" he said. but that
always was a peculiar bird. II even
objected to being killed. though we
always do everything with the great
est of kindess. But this bird. sir. ac-
tually few away. and we had to shoot
it, sir-yes, shoot it! It flew on to the
top of q house. and"
Say no more" said the irascible
customer. 81 see it all now: you shot
at il apd brought down the watercock
by mistake. John, my friend, all is
forgiven
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-04-01
Some Trite Answers.
lNew YORK WORLDLY

There was an examination at the
weather bureau the other day for can
didates for the position or assistant
weather observer. These are some Of
the answers.
The dew-point is a needle point Of
steel, and is determined by the rise and
fan OF the barometer"
"A thunderstorm is the burning up
of the carbOnaceOus matter and sur
plus OF nitrogen Of the air"
The arid region of the United States
is good place for bears and other
animals covered with wool: but on ac-
count of numerous icebergs lt is not
good place for navigation. for the
abode Of man or for vegetation"
The following Is an extract from a
competitors letter.
This here letter writing is The worst
thing you could give me. In the first
place. my wrist is lame so I can't
write. and. IN the second place, I'm Ike
the sailors parrot-a he'll OF a thinker.
but a poor talker"
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-04-01
HIRAMs PATENT cow fletcher
How All Bovine Records For a half
mile Were Broken.

II a carpenter or any other artisan
invents a sawhorse or a coal sitter he
gets his picture in the papers and pages
written up about him. Let simple
plowman display ten times the ingenu-
ity in devising something 10 tighten ND
the burdens of his calling and YOU will
never hear a word Of it,
Hiram Perkins, a potato grower down
near Skowhegan, did something this
summer that ought 10 have endeared
him 20 half the farmers in the state.
Ills was the common case of an in
ability TO induce his COWS to come
home at milking time. He'd had heart
to heart talks with them, used tubs
Of potato Feelings, Urnip tops and
green husks all to no purpose.
He had even tried dogs. but sooner
or later the cattle bribed the CANNES.
and then he was as badly off as ever.
HIS pasture is a full half mile from the
barn, reached by a narrow lane. In a
remote corner there is a large. deep
swamp. perfect inferno of OOZe and
muck, tangled with vines and briars
woven into the small trees and scrub.
Into this slough of despond Hiram's
critters persisted i'm retiring regu-
Iarly toward milking time. and nothing
but the close proximity of a boot or
a bean pole would rOut them.
Now il was bad enough at best 10
take the long tramp after a hard DAYS
work. but to break into this Internal
tangled quagmire when it was raining.
with every bush letting down a buck
ct Of water on his defenseless head.
was worse.
One day last spring he event to-
town and while there wandered down
10 the depot. Shortly after he noticed
the agent step over 10 a little platform
and pull over a long iron lever.
What does that dog" inquired Hi
ram.
Throws up the signal" replied tho
man.
THE signal? Where is it?" said the
potato grower, looking up and all about
him.
"Oh, it's down the track bout half a
mile. said the agent, pointing 10 a
white post in the distance.
But do you mean 10 say that YOU
can work a signal way down there
from up here with that crOwbar?"
Certainly. Keep your eye on the
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-04-01
BODIES BURNED
AND BLACKENED
Horrible Death of Six Men at
Carnegie Steel Works.
TEN OTHERS CANNOT LIVE
ACCIDENT CAUSED BY A HANG
IN THE FURNACE.

Pttsburg. March 3l.-By an accident
at furnace No. 1 of the Edgar Thomp-
son plant Of the Carnegie Steel com
pany at Braddock today, six men were
killed and ten are I'm the hospital and
are not expected to recover. -Four 9th
ers who were injured went TO their
homes and are suffering from painful
burns.
The dead. John Smith. John Bolou.
Andrew Brabe. Joseph Pelar John
sk0ka. John Polar
The seriously injured. George ko-
dOk. Michael Steyeoko Michael skun-
der Andrew BeTits Joseph BODonr
Frank SebIla, Steven Bob0n, j. Sc
bulai Michael Miller, Joseph Buellena.
Could Not Escape.
The accident was caused by "a hang
in the furnace dropping and forcing
large quantities of White-hot dust
down large pipe into a pit where the
men were at work The victims were
without means of escape and all We're
burned and blistered over their entire
bodies. Large strips of flesh peeled off
their bodies when they were pulled out
OF the pit by fellow WOrkmen. The
cries of agony of the victims as they
writhed iu the laya-like stuff, from
which they were vaiuly trying to eN-
trlCate themselves. C0uId be heard
nearly "a block away Hundreds of
w0rkmen from other portions of the
plant rushed 90 the rescue and as
quickly as possible pulled the injured
men from the pit and carried them to
the emergency hospital. The bodies Of
the fatally burned were blackened or
shredded I'm strips by the white-hOt
metal dust that burned into their
flesh. Many of the men had large
hl0tches burned through the flesh,
caused by large splashes Of molten iron
that had struck them and burned
through 90 the bone
Furnace No. I is equipped with the
famous electric "skids' that are now
used on all the United States corpora
lions blast furnaces.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-04-01
A Swindle

ln the wire grass region of Georria
quail are very abundant. and are known
% the natives as pa Uidges."
Recently one of the south Georgia
crackers sold off lot of turpeutiue
land and decided 90 indulge himself in a
trip 10 far-Off New York while his money
was still in hand. Once in the amazing
metropolis, there was another Indulgence
he was determined ON. DelmOnicos was
a name that had long ago uckled his
fancy. and quail on toast was a high bred
dish that he had long yearHed to know
personally.
So 10 DelmOnicOs he hied himself and
there ordered the detachable bit Ii came.
he eyed il severely. then tasted. finally
sampliug thoroughly. But his after com
ment on the feTst sayored OF that sad
knowledge which borders close TO dis
gust
"Wall. of I hadn't come % New York
ia never Hnowed that quail on toast
warn't "a blamed thing but Glynn county
pa trldges stuck up on burnt light
bread "
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-04-01
Senator Hoar Today.
F'rancis +. Luepp, in the Pilgrim for
MaTchl


MaTchl
Reduce Horace GreeIey's shock OF
white hair to orderliness and sym
metry. shave his beard. dress him i'm
a modern and neatly fitting costume,
and behold George f. Hoar. senior
senator from Massachusetts. There are
the same round face, the same gentle,
benevolent blue eyes beamiug through
gOld-rimmed spectables, the same clear.
rudy complexion and well-fued girth,
betOkeuing a hale old age. Even the
voices suggest each other especially
under the influence of controversial eX-
element. HOar is a handsOmer man
than Greeley ever was. He has the
special charm Of a refinement that
comes Of many generations OF gentle
ancestry. His expression, when his
features are i'm repOse, is always con-
templatve. IL needs but "a glance to
mark him as the scholar and man or
thought You are not surprised when
you are told that he has "a genuine
though rarely imprisoned. poetic
fancy. but as you grow more famil-
lar with his personality you cannot
help wondering what this master OF
classic phrases. this epigrammatic his
torian. this dispenser of quaint cyui-
cism, is doing in the political gallery.
II is a strange cOmpaniOnship. surely.
Like one tall pine of the virgin forest
left standing after the WOOdmen have
been through with nothing about IL
save second growth and saplings, APP
pears Mr.. Hoar in the senate as now
constituted. or. 10 change the fig
ure he is maker Of state policies
surrounded by a group Of party poll
ticians.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-04-01
A Conversation With a Climax.
When a Professional Man Talks. It's
TO the Point.


Several famous American physicians
and surgeons were recently dining to-
E-lHer after a. session of a national
meeting held in New York.
j had "a remarkable case this VIM
leH remarked "a surgeon present.
whose name as "a specialist in rectal
diseases Is worldwide. My patient
was woman. "a delicate. nerve racked
creature. who had suffered $50 fearfuuv
from the raylses of hem0rrh0ids that
the knife seemed the only solution of
the trouble, and yet her heart was weak
and her strength so EasJed by this
fearful disease that we dared not op-
crate
OF bad ceased my visits t0 her for a
Ilme and had given up AN hope. when
one morning she entered my office look
ing ike "a new woman. the paIIor had
disappeared and the lines of SUFFERING
were nearly CradioIt1u from her face.
She told me that she had purchased "a
proprietary medicine namely Pyramid
Pile Cure. and that from the first iuser-
IiOU Uf The supp0sIrUrigs She had OBJ
tanned instant relief / made am exam
lnalou and found the recum I'm excel
lent condition. the Inflammation entire.
iy disappeared and the swollen veins N
normal DudiuOu
"I was so interested in the case that
had the remedy analysed carefully
and was s1 pleased with the result Of
the analysis finding "a combination OF
the most healing and scientific rem
Cdies present in The Pyramid Pile Cure
and lu more convenient form than r
could secure them otherwise. that I
wrote 90 the Pyramid. Drug company
1f Marshall Mich. asking for their
booklet on Piles their Nature. Cause
and Cure. (Which by the way is sent
free), and have since used their Pile
Cure extensively and with best results
Do my practice I do not hesitate 20
recommend 10 90 you an III non often
save your patient fr0m painful surgi-
ran operation which in many cases re-
suits fatally"
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-04-01
Elkins at the Races.

When Senator Elkns was in col
lfge be liked the races. one day he
and his chum slipped of together from
school and ON the way 90 the track
came across their professor. who said,
ina surprise: Young gentlemen. what
does this mean? You should be a your
lessons. EIkins said. "Sir. we wanted
20 go TO lessons and also TO the races.
Sd we tossed for IT,. and 70 came down
for the races" "Ah, Then you must
have used q tWO-headed coin. or tried
the gamblers plan of heads Z win tails
you lose NO sir. it was a fair toss. d"
said young Elkins. What did YOU
throw up" We threw a lump of coal
up. If il stopped up We went 20 school.
If IL came down we went to the races,
and here we are. sir"
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-04-01
LECTURE ON WAGNER.
App-eciative Theatre Audience Hears
Exposition Of Composer.


A cultured audience was highly en-
tertained by the illustrated lecture on
Wagner and the Bayreuth Festival Fl"
given last evening at the salt Lake
theatre I'm an artistic sense the lee
Iure VIII compare more than favOr8bly
with the best of this Glass of entertain
ments that have been ventured In this
city. Mrs Rhodes treatment of the
subject was comprehensive and grace
iul, and betrayed fine understanding
and thorough knowledge Of the poet
lcal genius whose works have survived
the criticisms Of his most intense enc
mics
I'm her lecture Mrs. Rhodes has omit
ted all that is apt TO prove wearisome
and retained all that is picturesque and
interesting. She has. the happy faculty
Of being instructive without appearing
didactic and at the close Of her remarks
leaves upon the mind a picture that is
dlcunct edltyiug and refreshing. If
there were any prejudices I'm the minds
of her auditors against the composer or
MS masterpieces when she began. they
were removed before she had finished
She held up the beautiful side Of the
man and his works and presented the
nobility of the themes In such manner
that new interest and new love was ere
ated for Wagner, even ga the hearts of
those who have felt an admiration for
him.
Wagner had his enemies. He was
greater than his age and I'm his life there
Is "a poetry of sentiment and nobility
of purpose which added to the tran
quality of a career that in earlier years
was disturbed with reverses through
the efforts of those who purposely mis-
understood him. Mrs. Rhodes followed
The life of the composer 90 the events
that have been responsible for the beau
titul works which are part of the
worlds musical riches today.
She has accumulated a rare collection
OF Illustrations which add 90 the force
and understanding of the subject and
the entertainment has It's climax in the
graphic reproduction of the scenes and
incidents at the Rayreuth festival. A
remarkable feature of the entertain
ment was the musical Illustrations by
Adolf Close. the concert pianist. In
the wonderful review new character is
given 90 "Lohengrin," Die Meistersing-
err and other Wagnerian productions.
and has a fitting climax I'm the story Of
the TrilOgy and of the Grail IL was
a rich, elegant and novel review and
interpreted the meaning, music and
scenes of the operas of the great poet
musician. for whom mad King Louis Of
Bavaria had such a liking.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-04-01
Raising the Wind.

Here is Eugene Fields best poem,
because il was his most effective one.
When In the pangs of impecuniOsity he
appealed to the cashier of the Daily
News in "a way that seldom failed to
secure the forbidden salary advance:
Sweet Snekelsford, the week is near its
end.
And, as my custom is ! come to thee
There is no other who has pelf to lend,
/ At least no pelf 20 lend 90 hapless me
Nay, gentle Shekelsford. turn not away.
i must have wealth, for this is Satur-
day.
An, now thou smirst a soft, relenung
smile
Thy previous frown was but a pass
ing joke.
] knew thy heart would melt with pity
while
Chou heardst me pleading was
very broke.
Nay, ask me not if I've "a note from
Stone.
When / approach thee. o thou best OF
men,
bring no notes but boldly and alone
WOO sweet hope and strike thee for
a ten.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-04-01
SUICIDE FOLLOWED
ATTEMPTED MURDER

San Francisco. March 3l.-m the kitchen
of the Hotel Pleasant0n this morning.,
W. a. Brown, a waiter. fired two shots
slight injuries. Brown ran from the
hotel, pistol In hand. and, fearing cap
ture. ran into "A doorway and fired a bull
let into his own brain. Brown claimed
that keefer had ahenated the affections
of his Wife
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-04-01
TroIlev Expregg and Frsieht-

lS. f. Mohett in March McCure's)
There is no troublesome red tape
about the trolley freight system. The
cleveland 81 Eastern railway. for in
stance, handles milk on its forty-miIe
line at a uniform rate of cents per
gallon for any distance The farmer
buys packages Of tickets at that rate
When his milk is shipped il pays its
fare like a passenger. a 2O-cent ticket
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-04-01
ALDERMAN HELD UP
WHILE CAMPAIGNING

Chicago. March 8.-With leveled pistols
three robbers this afternoon In sight of
mp and robbed Alderman Nathan Bran
uer of $500, took a ring from the finger
of his companion. Jacob Kessner and,
leapiug into a buggy. drove off unmO-
Tested
The alderman was on a campaign tour
of the saloons In the lumber district.