Arizona republican. [volume] (Phoenix, Ariz.) 1890-1930, 1903-02-22
By P. T. dunno.

copyrighted, 1903, by Robert Howard
RusseT.J
rs tn race dyin' out ?" asked Mr..
Dooley.
rs it what?" replied Mr.. Hennessy-
rs it dyin' out?" said Mr.. Dooley.
"Th' ministers an ne frind Dock Eliot
iv Harvard say it is. Deck Eliot wud
know diffrent if he was a rale dock an
wint flynn up Halsted sthreet in
buggy, foggin' white horse to be
there on time. But he amt an he's
sure it's dyin' out. Childher ARE dis
appearin' firm America. lie took
squirt ct tn Harvard graduates TIL
other day an discovered that they had
ivrything to make home happy but
kids Wanst tn wurruld was full iv
little Harvards. TIL country swarmed
with thin. Ye cud tell a Harvard man
at wanst be a look ct his feet. He mad
tn unmistakeable cradle fut. 1t was
10 sthrange thing to see an oil Har-
ward man comm back to his almy
.mather pushin' baby carredge full iv
twins an ladin' a family that looked
like an advertisement in tn newspapers
to show tn PERCENTAGE IL purity iv
bakin' powders. Prisidint Eliot was
often disturbed in a discourse, pintin'
out tn dangers iv tn country, be tn
outcries iv tn progeny iv iair Harvard.
TIL campus was full iv baby carredge3
on committeeman day an specyl ac
compilations had to be took fT nurses
In thin happy days somewan was al
ways teethin in a Harvard family 1t
looked as if ivinchoIly tn wurruld wud
be peopIed with Harvard men an tn
Chinese Wud have to pass an Exclusion
Act. But something has happened u
Harvard. She is projo3cin' no little
rah-ralls to glad TIL wurruld. Tn av'-
rage family ~ tn Harvard graduate
an tn jackass is practically tn same.
TIL Harvard man iv tn prisint day is
TIL last iV his race. No artIess prattle
is heerd in his hcrnc. Not FIR him TIL
joys " trundlin' tn little push-cart in
tn park or tn blind reach fr tn sooth-
in syrup in tn darkened room. Whin
Harvard needs a fresh batch iv schol-
airs an quarther backs she has to cal
FIR a new deal. An me frind Prisidint
Eliot is sore about it an he has COM
municated TIL sad fact 10 tn clargy
N2wthin tn clargy likes so much .:
Il sad fact Lave wan iv me frinds IL
tn clargy know that We're goin' to til
divvle in :. new way an he's happy
We used to take tn Journey be covetiH
cur neighbor's OK or his ass or be dis
obeyin our parents, but now We hav,
no parents to disobey or they have Il;
childher TO discbey thin. TIL Ameri
can people is becomin' as unfruitful a
an ash heap. We're no betther thin
tn Fr-rinch. They say III pleasin
squawk iv an infant hasn't been heert
in France since tn Franco-Prooshul
war Tn govermint offers prizes f.
families but no wan claims thin. /
Frinch gintleman who wint to Ger
many wanst has made a good deal i
money lecturin on Wild Babies 1 hav
Met but ivryWan says he's a fakei
Ye can't convince annywan in Franc
that there ARE amy babies. We'r
gofn' tn same way. Less thin thre
millyon babies was BORN in thi
country las year. Think iv it, Hin
nissy-less thin three millyon, hardl
enough to consume Wan-tenth iv II
output iv pins. It's a horrible though
[ don't blame ivry wan, firm Tidd
Roscnfelt down, fr Worryin' about i
Whats tn cause, says We? 1 don
know. I've been readin' tn newspa
pers an ivrybodys been tellin VIII,
Late marredges, arly marredges, II
marredges, tn cost iv livin', tn luz
uries iv tn day. tn tariff. tn thrust
tn spots on tn sun, tn difficulty i
obtainin' implymint, TIL growth iv Gu
ture, tn pitcher hat an so on. Ivr3
body S got d raiSon but none iV thin
seems to meet tn bill. I've been loOF
in at tn argymints pro an con, an
come to tn conclusion that tn race
dyin' out on'y in spots. It's dyin OF
among Harvard graduates but it
holdin' its own among tn alumnust
iv Saint Pathrick's COMMERCIAL Acat
envy in Dosplaines sthreet. TIL avras
size iv tn family in Michigan avnoo
.000001, but tn av'rage size iv tn faml
in Ar-rchey Road is somewhat large
Afther I r-read what Dock Eliot ha
to say, l asst me friend Dock Groga
what he thought about it. He's a IA
dock. He has a horse an buggy. He
out so much at night that tn pol
ARE always stoppin him thinkin
is a burglar. Tn dock has prepare
some statistics FIR me, an here the
ARE: Number iv twins BORN in A
rchey Road firm Halsted sthreet
Westhern avnoo fr'm Janooary wan
JaroOary wan, 365 pairs; number
thrips iv thripIets in tn same fisc
year nine; runbcr iv indiVidjool VI
erS, eishty-ttree thousau', nine hun
herd an forty-two: aVrage size
family, fourteen; avrage weight
parents, wan hundherd an eighty fly
aV'rage Size IL rooms. nire be eigh