Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1903-04-17

Row. We stopped, and Green, the
hair inventor, raised his hand. There
was q great crowd around in an in.
slant. An officer ran up to the car
riage and taking off lis at said, " At
the services of 'er Royal 'ighness."
Now he wa. to make little speech to
promote the sale OF this hair-raiser,
Something like this: Ladies and
gentlemen, came into the world
bald-headed, but by using DR.. Green's
great hair restorer, / arrived ST the
hair stage you now see me. You must
be careful in using this grand prepara-
ton, and avoid putting it on spots
where you do not wish side. burns" DR..
Green had made the opening announce
ment and then turned to me to clinch
his arguments. wcs almost speech
less | was so scared, olt made an at
tempt in this name: Gentlemen
and my lords in waiting, l came into
this world with the ha:r STAGE l now
have. 1t was four-in-hand stage, but
Prof Green's Great Hair Remover, re-
moved all my hair, and hat is why
am bald as you now see. You must
not be careless as to where you place
this great restorer, or your neighbor's
tom-cat may upset it and lose his
whiskers." Then the crowd began to
buy our hair remover, end we soon
sold out and had to 90 60 back to our
rooms and color a little more Thames
water, for "me lady and me Lud."
This we continu ued foc several months
l made a trip across the the chan
mel to France in the meantime, but
longing to get under the flag OF the
free and the home OF the trusts, over
came me, so one foggy morning l
stepped on board of one OF the White
Star line of steamers and bid farewell
to England's rocky shores. As l
looked back at the fast receding
boundaries of this little island, l
marveled that the people who orig
mated here had conquered and civil
lied wild races in all parts of the
globe, and OF her mighty navy and
merchant fleet, which sail on every
sea in the world. The hand that
guides Great Britain's destiny is the
hand of conqueror and civilizer in
every land under the sun, and yet
old Ireland is not yet free.
When I arrived in New York 1 re-
sumed my life in a museum on Fourth
avenue. This was one of the finest
(frauds) or museums in New York, run
by private parties. Here the Cardiff
giant was on exhibition. This giant
was supposed to be petrified body Of
big man, seven feet in height. The
truth OF the matter was, he was made
to order for q fellow and was shipped
to New York and buried on farm for
years. Then he was discovered" ;
scientific men who examined the giant
claimed he was the real thing. P. T.
Barnum got him as freak of the first
order, and the people who liked to be
bilked, tumbled over one another to
see the Cardiff giant. Other museums
managers secured Cardiff giant, 90
after while there were so many that
it was pretty hard to pick the real
fraud, who appeared first. Our mu-
scum also had q woman with whiskers
of the unreal kind, live giant, Cap
tain Wolisky, Russian, q horse with
a six-foot name and nine foot tail,
which was fine fake. The horse had
his tail shaved and another glued on,
ditto his name. Then came the Arab
Sheik and family from the Blue Nile
(they were dagos from Mulberry street).
the usual snake charmer, slight-of-
hand man, a chicken orchestra, and
last but not least, William Clover.
was in a new role. My hair was
mixed up with preparation so that
it stood out like quills on a fretful
porkepine sixteen ways from yester.
day. When the announcer came to
me, he pulled down his vest, straight
ened up, and pointed dramatically at
me and shouted at the top OF his voice,
Ladies and gentlemen, here we have
the wild man from Patagonia; this
man has astonished the scientific men
throughout Europe; when captured,
he was eating his mother in law in the
raw; he had devoured all of his near.
est and dearest relatives, prior to this. "
l looked my part all right. My face
was painted, 1 was dressed in skins
and held war club in my hands, and
q look of blood and. thunder in my
beautiful tniD features. After while
l began to tire of the life OF big and
bustling city. Its glitter and glare, as
it first appeared to my boyish eyes, be-
gan to wear off, and l began to get an
attack of homesickness which attacks
all old Puget Saunders, who wander
far from the land of rain and sunshine
with its carpet of evergreen dress
thick as the hair on dog.
l concluded to take in China and
Japan on my way home, so 1 watched
the shipping lists very carefully for
several months, and one day l found
that ship. the Paul Revere, was load.
ing cargo for Japan. I endeavored to
get job on her as cabin boy, but was
not successful, so shipped as ordi-
nary seaman before the mast. Going
to a barber. I got the first hair-cut