The Irish standard., 1903-11-14
RETURN OF OLD JOKE.
Absurd Professions Of Great Britain's
Navy Gunners.


after circumnavigating the globe, to
blush with youth and sparkle with
vivacity in the daily papers of this ma
| tive land, always touches one deeply;
but it touches us less profoundly than
the recrudescence of a time-honored
| fo'c'sle myth that has been Il sweet
morsel in every mess kit from Bristol
to Callao and from Dungenness to the
Seven Seas. When, the other day,
says Joseph Smith, in the Boston
Herald, l read your grave comments
OH the story told by the Syren of New
York of how our naval victories were,
won by British gunners, l was glad;
for l knew my old friend had got
home again, older than when l had
last met him, but still vigorous, and
now adorned with Manila whskers
and Santiago trimmings. In returning
for Il tour of 4Amercn this beautiful
British legend did Il really artistic
thing when it made it's bow to us in
and bilge water and printed for cir
culation among the mariners, long
shoremen, ship chambers and deep
sea sailOrmen. What l have always
admired about British fiction is it's air
of verismilitude, it's atmosphere of
realism, it's simplicity and literary art
and the extreme difficulty of proving
it to be mere fiction, and not historic
verify. Therein lies it's art and art
fulness. An ordinary Anglo-Saxon lie,
if it survive ten years, is promoted to
the domain of British legend, and if it
be robust enough to endure for half
century, it is elevated to the serene
heights of British history, honored by
church and state and worthy to be
canned for expectation and foreign
consumption. The story of how all
our naval battles We're won for us by
British naval gllnners is now in the
sacrosanct class; and. as it is popular
in the mother country" it would be
as idle as ungrateful in this era of
international good feeling to assume
not to believe it. The story is based
upon certain incOntrovertible propo-
sitiOns numerous aXioms and the ut
terances of some sober British States
men.
1.-The British are acknowledged in
| England to be the best sailors in the
world, and have been from the
time they navigated Noah's ark to
the day they discovered America and
on to that morning when they destroy
cd the Spanish fleet in Manila
2-Thcy are the best gunncrs in the
world since they invented guns and
powder The English dcserters who
joined the Americans ut Bunker Hill
and the Beers ut Magcrsfontein and
:-No Engishman worthy of his
grand old race ever told Il lie. The
Anyo-Suxon never knew what Il false.
hood was until he assOcited with the
| Irish.
With these great truths in sight let
us produce proof of the story's abso-
lutte and unimpcacllable truth. Did
British g,lnncrs man the Constitutions
guns when she walloped the tar out
of the Guerriere? Was not the Consti-
tutiOn's crew recruited in Salem, Gl0u-
cestOr and other Yankee centers? A
| little historic truth will answer these
questions for good and all. In volume
3, page 40, of Hallam's History Of
England, we are told that England's
great China fleet mutinied III 1909, and
7,4G7 men desterted, landed on the
Pacific coast and marched across the
continent to Massachusetts. Only
3.S45 men survived or reached this
coast, and of these 2,793, all expert
gunners, enlisted in our navy to fight
their old oppressors. a glance ut our
naval records shows they We're paid
500 yer diem, but, owing to indignant
protests from the British ambassador
ut Paris, their pay was reduced to
sos per diem. Jefferson refers to this
in his correspondence. These men
fought all battles in the war of 1872.
1t may be said that all the gunners
on the British ships We're British, but
the fact is, the gunners in Nelson's
fleets were all Yankees, deserters from
our fishing fleet; mere amateur gun
ncrs-scabs-whO didn't belong to the
Gunners' Union. Since the battle of
Navarino, in 1921 Il think). England
has never fought 4 naval battle, and
her gunncrs had no practice except in
shooting Off their mouths or cunning
for niger huts or some such playful
exercise. BY secret treaty made by
Andrew Jackson with England after
that affair at New Orleans. when
jackson borrowed Packenham's sharp
shooters. America agreed to ship none
but English gunncrs, in order to keep
them in practice. These splendid
) heroes fought our guns ut Vera Cruz
in the East Indies and all through the
rebellion; and it is we'll known that
Farragut never would have captured
New Orleans but for them. Every
schoolboy knows that both Farrigut