Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-12-22
81: ThSHES


I-hOuSlOu TOOl
Fond Mother-My darling, it is bed
time. All the little chickens have gon,
to bed. Little Philosopher-Yes, man
ma, and so has the old hen.-Woman'!
Home Companion.
"Dis world amt square, growled
little Mickey. why not?" asked Jim
my. "'Cause the only ones dat gel
free peanuts are elephants and police
men. n."-Chicago News.
Anxious Mother-Willie, dear, do yor
ever have any trouble with the Other
little boys at school? Wilue-Naw!
lick one Of 'em every once In a while
but that amt the least bit of trouble
Chicago Tribune.
Mrs. A.-Your husband smoking
again! Why, I thought you insisted
that he should give it up. Mrs. Il
did, dear, but then found such a pref.
ty smoking-j Jacket at bargain sale
Chicago Daily News.
Helping His Wife: Wife-I have
been thinking I ought to give you a
birthday present, Howard Husband
Oh, very well. Just write down what
it shall be, and I'll buy it on my way
uptown.-Town Topics.
Friend that you have made
millions, what will you do? Old Bull
telling pepople what burden wealth
is, and how happy was when I was
poor.-New York Weekly.
After the Wedding: "But they told
me you had money" "And they bun
coed me into thinking you were rich. "
"wen, what's to be done about it?'
Let's fall In love just for spite. Gin
cinnati Commercial Tribune.
'Do you believe that the American
people like to be humbugged?" mo,
SIR" answered the sturdy patriot,
'but when they find anyone smart
enough to do it they can't help takin'
of their hats to him. Washington
Star.
Beyond Expectation: Mr.. Jones
herel This horse you sold me runs up
ON the sidewalk every time he sees an
auto. Horse Dealer-Wen, you don't
expect ffty-dollar horse to run up a
telegraph pole Or climb tree, do you?
Judge.
Girl in the Grand Stand-1sn't that
a cruel game? Do you think it's fair
for a dozen men to pile themselves on
top of the poor fellow that has the
ball? Her Escort-No; there oughtn't
to be more than eleven Of them, any
way.-Chicago Tribune.
Information: "Hello,' said the
neighborly bore, what are you build
ing the new chicken house forY'
s'Why," replied Nettles, ''for a flock Of
pink carmels, of course. You didn't
suppose I'd put chickens in 1t, did
you u?"-Philadelphia Public Ledger.
Weren't you nervous at the we'd
ding" asked the sympathetic chap,
with all those people looking at your"
ST nervous?' repeated the recent bene-
dict. "Why should be nervous? No
body looked at me; 1 was only the
groom, you know."-Cincinnati Times
Star.
In Kentucky: Ascum-I don't know
whether your head over the article
about Colonel Lushman's death was
printed the way you intended, but it
was a good one. City Editor-Let me
see. What was it? Ascum-Has
fought his last bottle.-Philade1p
Press.
Citiman-What's the matter with all
you Lonesomehunters? Newcomb's a
Of Fol
appear to hate him. Suburbs-No won
der! He went and bought his wife
sealskin coat last week, and our homes
are no longer peaceful-Philadelphia
Press.
Mamma, what is Topsy's other
name?" "Topsy in the play? I don't
know, dear; just Topsy, that's ALL"
"Oh, she has another name. 1 heard
napa speak it yesterday, but 1 can't
think of it now. Oh, yes. 1 remember
its Topsy Turvey!'-Kansas City
Journal
: "How did you like Dr. Fourthly
last Sunday morning?' asked Mrs. Old
castle; "don't you think he INDUCED
rather freely in mixed metaphor"
Goodness! / didn't notice. Did he
have it right there in the pulpit? This
will be terrible blow to Josiah. He
thinks so much of the doctor."-Chi-
caso Record-H Herald.
The Rule of Three: Zone week from
today, Uncle John, will be married
man. Yes, in seven short days 1 will
be- initiated into the mysteries of mat
"No mysteries about it, my
boy. It is just the plain, simple rule
of three" "Rule Of three? Eh-what
three?" "Wife, mother-in-law, and
hired girl"- Kansas City Journal
Flows your mother?" asked the
neighbor. Worried to DEATH" an
swered the boy, who was swinging ON
the front gate: fathers hunting in the
Adirondacks, brother Bills gone to
political convention, brother Jacks
Joined a football team, and the dress
maker has just told mother that she'd
look fright in mourning. Washing
ton Star.
His Qualification: Senator-This
friend that you want me to get a gov
ernment position for-you can recon-
mend him as a man Of good ability and
40 no hIo nf fiJ1ino fba p1aoo S11DpoSao