davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1903-01-31
VERY OLD FORM OF WIT.
The Retort the Most Ancient Of All
Lauqhter-inducers.

Laughter-inducers.
The retort is CT all verbal coins the
quickest to get into circulation and
the readiest to pass from one hand to
another. Perhaps of all coins it is
also the Oldest. In our English tongue
we have legends of the repartee Of
king and courier for well nigh a thou
sand years. The pun, which is often
a species of retort, goes as far back
as our language. To play on words.
often in very personal manner, is
the simplest form of retort. Old
Thomas Fuller made a witty as well
as a true epitaph for himself when he
babe them write on his tombstone two
words only, ''Fuller's Earth" But
Fuller himself got caught sometimes.
The name "Sparrowhawk," in which
one of his friends rejoiced, was too
tempting to the habitual punster, and
so he asked the unfortunate man who
was afflicted with it what was the diff
ference between a sparrow hawk and
an owl. The answer which he got was,
AN owl is fuller in the head, and
fuller in the face and fuller all over"
which was probably more fuller than
Fuller bargained for.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1903-01-31

Of specializing as to why she is so tail
and the favorite, because the most
obvious reason assigned, is her ath-
letic training and outof-door life
That this is not the only cause Is
proved by the fact that the boys who
have the same athletic training, only
great deal more of it. by no means
keep pace with their sisters. This
may be partly accounted for by the
fact that many boys drink and smoke
at the early age when such practices
would be likely to affect their growth.
At any rate they are the same sort OF
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1903-01-31

over five feet will say that in their
girlhood they found themselves to be
of the average height and that girl
of five feet six or eight was consider
ed extremely tall and as such girls
happened not to be in fashion they
were generally rather pitied than ad-
uired.
Indeed, in most truly sentimental
stories of this period the heroines are
often spoken of as dainty little fairies
who could easily walk under the out
stretched arm of the hero, while the
adventures was likely to be tall and
commanding. To-day there are occa-
sional small girls, but they don't
count. The fashions aren't made for
them, neither are the sports and
they must be exceedingly pretty and
winning to escape insignificance
Heroines and adventuresses are alike
tall and stately, and novelist and popu-
lar illustrators agree in making their
eyes on a level with those of the hero.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1903-01-31
eeecher's Admirers Active.

The body of Henry Ward Beecher Ia
to be moved from Greenwood GENE
terry to site near Plymouth church.
Brooklyn. DIR. Hills and the congre-
cation have under way plan to erect
Beecher memorial building and q
suitable monument to the famous d.
vine- There is a collection of Beecher
relics, but they have been put into a
vault-like structure on the alley en-
trance to Plymouth church. and it II
not too much to say that the existence
of this building and the mementos Of
Beecher therein are known to compar-
atively few people.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1903-01-31
chamberIain,s unpopuIaritv.

Each year when the time for the
making of wine comes around the own
ers of vineyards on the Moselle, In
pursuance OF q very ancient custom.
christen the vintage with the name of
some person who has been specially
prominent during the previous year.
Garibaldi and Bismarck have figured
as sponsors of certain mose1les, an
well as the Emperor William. This
year the season has been cold and wet
and the wine will be poor, so the vine
yard owners of the Moselle have chris
tened their wine after Mr.. Chamber
lain.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1903-01-31
THE FIVE FRANC PIECE.
toopyrishs. 10 :. by Daily Story Pub. Co,
BY JAMEs s EVANS

awful tragedy he had ever read about
much less assigned to write its his
tory.
The stranger listened without dis
playing any excitement or curiosity.
He was a Frenchman and a traveller
SO he informed the cub. After the cub
had told the story in all its CHASTITY
details, the Frenchman looked intent
ly out of the window for some min
utes before making any sort of com.
ment- Finally, he turned his head
and remarked that it was too bad,
too bad"
81 remember a story of a wife'a
insincerity," he went on after a bit
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1903-01-31
A Struggle for Life.

Eagle River, Mo-, Jan. 19th.-Maggie
E. Decker, a Woodworking woman 40
years of age, whose home is here, has
just gone through a thrilling battle for
her life. Many another would have
lain down and died, for for twelve long
years she has suffered the most awful
pains.
She had Kidney Trouble and Rheu-
matism, combined with a very dis
tressing stomach trouble. At last she
got SO bad that she could not sleep,
for she ached all over, and was so
lame that she could scarcely walk.
She spent over a hundred dollars in
different medicines, but only to be dis
appointed, for everything failed to help
her.
At last, however, just when she was
beginning to despair of ever finding a
remedy, she heard of Dodd's Kidney
Pills and bought six boxes. She says:
Now l can eat well, sleep well, and
am feeling splendid. God bless Dodd's
Kidney Pills, for they saved my life.
My troubles were many, but Dodd's
Kidney Pills cured me completely.
But fer them 1 surely would have
died."
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1903-01-31
convicts Refuse to Eat

convicts of Vienna prison have late
IL taken to eating nothing They oc
cnpy themselves now by bowling In
chorus from early morning till even
ing. The noise is said to be deafenIne
and most distracting, and the authori
ties threaten to expel every man OF
the 1000 unless they mend their ways
The authorities remind one of the mar
who threatened the shopkeepers that
IL they didn't give him his change al
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1903-01-31
He Was Frenchman and a Traveller

"a young Frenchman married the
most beautiful woman in Paris. He
was immensely rich; so was she.
They had been sweethearts for years
and when they were married it was
the most fashionable ceremony that
had taken place in Paris for a decade.
In the suburbs of that city, he built
the most expensive home that archi-
tects could suggest; filled it with the
costliest of paintings and surrounded
il with every luxury. Apparently the
woman loved him and worshiped him
with unmeasured devotion. He was
always deyising little trips, making
her presents, doing things he thought
would please and delight her. Occa-
sionally he would take a hand satch ell
and drive to the station, saying that
he would be gone for the day, only
to return within an hour or so, his
sudden temperance being for the
purpose of surprising her, the sur
prise being one filled with joy. And
Sc they lived for a year with no SER
pent in that beautiful paradise of
theirs to strike at them with its
fangs and annoy them with its hiss
ing.
But one day the husband returned
of one of his supposed friends. Both
were wild with fear when they were
discovered. But the husband spoke
calmly, almost kindly. They need not
fear. He would not harm either. He
even assisted the false friend in put
ting on his overcoat, and as the man
started to the door, invited him to call
again. AS he reached the steps the
husband called him back. The kisses?
The pleasure of those beautiful lips
ah, should you not leave the madame
some memento of your sweet expert
ence-a five franc piece, say? Yes,
that would be the thing So the man,
now weeping because of his shame.
went to the hysterica1 woman and
placed the coin in her lap.
The husband ate his dinner alone.
In the morning he asked the maid to
say to his wife that he should be
pleased to have her breakfast with
him, and the woman went to the din
:agroom, her eyes red and swollen
from long hours of crying. He even
kissed her as she entered, and dur
ing the meal made no reference to
what had happened the day before.
But when she went to pick up a nap
kin, OR to uncover dish there would
appear-DeIOr6 ner a uVe franc piece
In the morning she would find a gold
coin in her stockings; if she went to
pick up a rose, there would fall from
its petals a five franc always.
Wherever she would turn would be
the cruel reminder of her unfaithful-
ness. And SO, this went on from
week to week, and from month to
month, until finally, all, that grand,
beautiful, royal, clear-eyed woman
she go mad"
The cub was roundly congratulated
when he returned to the Office In
the early hours of morning, after the
papers had gone to press, he recited
the story of the traveller. "And do
you know, boys, 1 believe that fellow
who told me the story is the same
man that tortured that woman and
drove her to an asylum Doggone il |
don't."
why, sure thing" replied the city |
editor. "And, say, cub, l think there |
is the making of a reporter In you, |
after all. Your assignment to-day |
will be to find the Frenchman and
make him confess"
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1903-01-31
NO MORE TICKET ScALPING IN
CHICAGO.

Illinois comes into line with New
York and Pennsylvania in vigorous
action against the ticket scalping
thieves and forgers, three having
been sentenced on Saturday, in Chi
cago, after a 1crtnight's trial, one Of
whom, profting by his experience,
pleaded guilty to a second indictment,
while the trial of the others will
doubtless proceed to another convic-
ton. Chicago has long been q favor
lite field for ticket speculation, and a.
blow against the nefarious practice
could nowhere have been landed more
effectively. The persistent and unit
ed efforts of the leading railroads of
the country to exterminate the bust
ness, which is simply one of petty lar
ceny, robbing the poor and the wage
earners, are bringing most satisfac-
tory results.-From the Brooklyn
Standard-Uni on.
Somehow cut-diamond rates are al
L. 81
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1903-01-31

Some comment has been excited by
the action of the Chicago gentleman
who shot his prospective son-in-law
The truth probably is that the pater-
nal one deemed it more advisable to
shoot the youth than to support him.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1903-01-31

Nine small boys have died in one
eastern town from lockjaw as the
result of playing with toy pistols at
Christmas. But what do you think
If the sanity of any parent who put .
toy pistol into the stocking Of hia
hopeful son7
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1903-01-31

Peru and Bolivia have decided to
arbitrate their boundary dispute.
Both countries probably have so
many revolutions going on that they
can't afford to bother with an ordi-
nary war.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1903-01-31

A man who amassed a fortune pf
$4,000 as a result of twenty years
of Industrious begging. has just died
in Canada The chances are that he'll
have to beg a lot more before St
Peter lets him through the pearly
gates
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1903-01-31

1t appears that one of the life in
surance companies has been paying
taxes on some of Hetty Green's prop
erty by mistake. Let US hasten to ex-
plain that Hetty made no complaint
ON account of the error.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1903-01-31

Max Nordau inclines to the view
that the American people are also de-
generates, this opinion fitting in ex-
actly with his theory that degeneracy
has overtaken everybody except him
self.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1903-01-31

A New York girl asked seven young
men to take her to the theater, just
as joke But as she took the entire
seven and paid the freight we fail
to see the laughing point.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1903-01-31

Late dispatches from London bring
the news that Editor W. T. Stead S
crouch is still on.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1903-01-31

Even with his record of $4,000, 900
In gifts in 1902, we fear Mr. Carnegie
IS richer than he was a year ago.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1903-01-31

The powers have begun warning
China If China will apply to the
sultan of Turkey he may be willing
to furnish some information concern
ing the warning business that will be
highly reassuring.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1903-01-31
Mcnument to Pioneers.

Monument to Pioneers
The three Swedish pioneers in him
nesota, Oscar Roos. Carl Fernstrom
and August Sandahl, have just had
monument erected to their memory
at New Scandal, Mimi
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1903-01-31

busy. In a double seat just in front
sat q man calmly smoking a cigar
while looking out at the flashing shad-
ows the train was making in the dark
ness Hat boxes and valises were
piled up around him. The cub sat
down by the stranger, unlimited He
had to talk to some one; he must
ind some ear to listen to the horrible
tale that would appear in the Morn
ing Herald: his story-the most
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1903-01-31

A New York boy found a gold
brick in Wall street the other day.
Let us hope, however, that this will
not result in a general hunt for Wall
street gold bricks.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1903-01-31

Royalties on Wagner's operas last
year paid Sis 900. Yet some Euro
pean royalties never pay.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1903-01-31

The latest invention is q combined
umbrella and fan for the cycle The
canopy is made in the form OF an or
dirary umbrella and is fitted with
blades, which as the cycle speeds
along. catch the air and rotate the
apparatus
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1903-01-31

The French balloonists who are
going to try to cross the wastes of
Sahara in balloons surely do not lack
Tor sand.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1903-01-31

Henry Watterson says the smart
set" is doomed. But the smart set
shows no inclination to take the colo
uel seriously.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1903-01-31

A spring in Virginia is so magnetic
that it charges everything dropped
into it, in which it somewhat resem-
bles a Kentucky colonel.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1903-01-31

It seems to be generally allowed
that the gorgeous scene on the plains
at Delhi has never been surpassed by
any spectacular performance on any
modern stage.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1903-01-31

Use for Spent Hops.
Litter for horses and cows is to be
made from spent hops at Dublin.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1903-01-31

The life of q Japanese jinrikisha
man is said to be only five years.
This shows that in some cases a
pull is the worst thing a man can
have.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1903-01-31

Princess Has Beautiful Eyes.
The little Princess Yolande of Italy
is said to have the largest and dark
est eyes of any European princess.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1903-01-31

In spite of all the praise it has
taken in, the new cable to Hawaii
is working as industriously as vet
eran.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1903-01-31

Bret Harte left an estate valued at
81 ,S00-almost as much as a captain
OF industry can earn in twenty min
utes when conditions are ordinarily
favorable.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1903-01-31

Mr. Morgan tells US that Noah organ
lied the first trust. And he watered
his stock, too.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1903-01-31

Castro did not feel like apologizing,
and If one enters fully into his feel
ings one cannot blGme him for being
a trffle reluctant.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1903-01-31

The news that the Jews appear to
hold the balance of power in Fee
makes pleasant reading in view Of
recent events in Roumania.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1903-01-31

Spain has no other statesman tn
size of Don Praxades Mateo Sagasta
now, unhappily, deceased.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1903-01-31

Abdul Hamid seems to have over
looked the fact that when a Darda-
nellie has once been opened it is a very
hard thing to shut.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1903-01-31

The king of Portugal is an exper
cook. 1t may be therefore that he is ;
hero even to the hired girl.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1903-01-31
This is faithful representation of ma

This is a faithful representation of ma
ture.
Girls of great stature are to be
found everywhere and there are no
class distinctions in the matter. The
girl who has always enjoyed every ad-
vantage and luxury, the simple coun-
try maiden and the girl who has
earned her living in shop or office.
are OF the same height
The people at large observe this
magnificent young creature with ad-
miration and wonder. They are fond
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1903-01-31
American Girl Is the
Tallesf of Her Sex
Radical Changes That Have Occurred Last Century
-NoveHsts Must Take Coenizance of Facts Now Fully
Established Yesterday To-day and Tomorrow.

HE statement of DIR.
Lorenz that American
women are the most
beautiful in the world
may be accepted with
joy and confidence, but
he goes on to say that
while in all other coun-
tries he has visited the
uonnon ara as a rule
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1903-01-31

They are writing German poetry
about Kipling. This is a terrible re
venge.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1903-01-31
cress a Quick Growing plant

Cress is the quickest growing OF
plants. Under perfect conditions it
will flower and seed within eight days
of planting
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1903-01-31

Those whom we love make LIES
sunshine or shadows
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1903-01-31

During courtship affection Is apt to
be overdone, but after marriage it is
rare.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1903-01-31

If it wasn't for silly hens the fox
would not have his reputation.-Life.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1903-01-31

Somehow cut-diamond rates are al
ways higher than the original prices.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1903-01-31

w. L. Douglas makes and sells moro
mems $3.50 and $500 shoes than any other
two manufacturers In the world, which
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1903-05-08

to the north is the gymnasium room
thirty-six by fifty; leading from
this is the lavatory and bath roous
which will include shower bath
arrangement, lockers, etc. In the
south west corner is a long dining
hall with table seating capacity of
$50. In the north east corner is a
spacious parlor and between this
and the dining room fine large
kitchen. In the northeast corner,
the heating plant consisting of two
boilers and fuel room. Tie entire
building is heat by steam. One or
both boilers can be used ana for any
portion of the building. There is a
basement entrance on the north side
with hall for lighting purposes
The ceilings will 10 over ten feet
and in the gymnasium thirteen
feet During the dedication the two
gallery class rooms were used as
cloak rooms. Both sides OF the build
ing is bounded with cement side
walks. To give an intelligent de.
scription of the decorations is still
more difficult than the arrangement.
The building above ground contains
handsome stained glass windows.
In the main auditorium on the south
side, the lower portion contains a
design of sheaf of grain. Above
this, the Epworth League insignia
and emblem. On the west side.
lower portion, a memorial window
in memory of David L. Kenyon, M.
D.. and his widow Emma F.
Robinson, above their names, a
representation of "Gates Affair.". On
the north side above the choir loft,
the Holy Bible, Cross and Crown.
The entire interior Of the church is
q golden oak finish. The outer edge
of the galleries are supported by
massive and neat round posts. The
auditorium floor is on an incline and
contains very comfortable and COM
modious pews. The ceiling of audi
forum is in sections with beams
for divisions, and a square dome
in the center. On the ceiling and
outer edge OF the dome and north
side is the picture of John Wesley,
the greatest Religious Organizer;
opposite side D. l.. Moody, the
Greatest Evangelist; east side,
George Whitfield the Greatest
Preacher; opposite, Martin Luther,
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1903-05-08
Tt9b School Notes

Watch out for the Annual! r
Who did the dishes, Harry9
The Duke was absent Monday
forenoon.
Ethelyn Conway was absent Tues
day afternoon.
School examinations in five weeks.
That means solid study to one and
all.
We ''will' finish Cicero's grafton
on the Defense Of Archias Friday.
We sincerely hope 80.
We wonder who it is that spends
his time throwing chalk over the
transom. Is it fun Page2 = !
The seniors are beginning to
wonder why the juniors are holding
so many class meetings. Guesss
At the base ball game at Adrian,
Saturday, May 2nd it is advised that
the boys carry roller skates-they
may be needed.
H S. picnic will he held at Round
Lake about June 18th. Boys get
your girls for it's Likely to be case
of now or never. ;
The Physics class remained after
school the last few nights for ex-
periments in electricity. Be care
full Mt might hurt you.
The girls of the 18th reading
class are hopefully searching to find
something of interest in Burke's
Cancellation of the Colonies May
they succeed. III
The students of the Geom. classes
we're some what taken back when 4
asked to explain the first proposition
in the book the other day. How
many cane T.
Some of the students of Eng. :.
History have been informed by
their instructor that lit is either
case of get your lessons or drop the
subject. III"
The library is getting too popular.
Hereafter it will be- arranged so that
onlv two of the students of book J
keeping class can work at the tables
together. L~ ... % 4. 81 .G :5.5
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1903-05-08
IN, E. Church Dedicated

CONTINUED from LIST page.
That she forget all other
". thoughts beside
The wish to be to Him a; worthy
Bride!
OH let us make it all in all His
When we may feed on Bread of Life
alone!
Where all must fall and worship
d.. who draw nigh
The tabernacle of the Lord Most
High;
Where all must feel us they m ay
-, enter in
The loss of some familiar faint OF
- As she who touched His robe in
~. w.. days of old,
Felt virtue emanate from every fold
- O Lord our God! look on Thy
people now
As humbly at Thy sacred feet we
e.. bow;
Take Thou this gift we bring
and make it Thine;
Breath through it's ajsles the breath
49, of Heaven divine,
Stretch out Thine arm from holy
., courts above,
And bless Thy temple with Thy per-
feet love.
j. Pour out Thy virtue through
the humblests pot
That we may never step where God
.r@} is not;
Keep it so sacred from all human
- That not an unclean thought
.s*" shall e'er profane
The perfect purity that should
r.. .... surround
: The spot Thy touch hath blessed
~ !. as holy ground
Bring to US here new knowledge OF
=. Thy love; i.
- And touch our lips with fire we
- know not of
That on our missions tireless we
P, -}~ may 60
Until this house of Thine shall over
- ~. u flow.
. Take it, o God-the best our hands
i: ~, II can bring -. II
az Bid heavenly anthems through