The Brandon news. (Brandon, Miss.) 1892-1961, 1903-07-30
HUMOROUS.

Wigg-Talkalot never seems able to
keep any friends. Wagg-No, he's al
ways giving them away.
Driver first hack)-Boy, how do you
get to the cemetery. Boy-Say, mister,
I amt no funeral director.
what are seats of the mighty
pa?" They are the seats the men
who run the automobiles sit on, my
child
Now I realize that riches take unto
themselves wings" unused the married
man as he noted the plumage on his
wife's new hat.
He's so foolish" said the one in
white. FOOLISH" returned the one in
gray. eyes. Why he wants me to mar
ry him." ooh, then he is foolish"
He-I had a hard time getting
good wife. SHORTCOMINGS Have you
been married several times? ooh, no,
but l courted my present one six
years"
Miss Woodby-Really, you don't
think that l would consider for min
ute proposal from him, do you? Miss
Newitt-Oh, no. Of course, you
wouldn't take that long.
Pallette-You'd be surprised if you
knew the amount of time spent On that
canvas. Pellette-Yes; l understand
men have stood in front of it for hours
trying to make out what it is.
Scribbler-Have you read my new
sea story? Scrawler-Yes, indeed I
threw myself right into it. In fact,
before l was halfway through 1 ac-
tually became skipper myself.
II see that Andrew Carnegie thinks
Homer didn't amount to much"
That's queer. Surely Homer must
have had one good point in Andy's es-
timation. He didn't die rich"
THAT reminds me-" said Barnes, at
the height of the street fight. why
are the police like electricity" Give
it up" said the chorus. Because"
said Barnes, 'it is an unseen force"
why do you argue with your wife?"
asked the bachelor. Don't you know
the futility of ie?" 'Of course" re-
piled the married man; "but l have
to allow her little pleasure once in
a while"
ST planted some seeds and they
came up the next day." That's moth
ing. l planted some seeds any they
came up the next hour" Whew! Did
the sun bring them up?" mo, my
neighbours chickens"
81 notice some of the insurance COM
panies call themselves assurance So
cieties.' Is there any difference be-
tween insurance and assurance"
Usually assurance is what the fellow
has who is forever trying to sell you
insurance
Tommy-Pop, is patience virtue?
Tommy's Pop-Yes, my son." Tommy
And is virtue it's own reward? Tom
my's Pop-So we are told. Tommy
And do all things come to those who
wait? Tommy's poppy son, never
attempt to monkey with the proven
bal buZz-saw.
Arthur-Millie may be a little pecu-
liar at times, but she. means all right.
Harry-Yes, guss that's so; but what
are you driving at? Arthur called
at her house t'other night, and today
she said it was not until l had gone
that she realized what pleasant
evening she was having.
Eyes, l enjoy an orchestra to play
while my patrons dine" remarked the
proprietor of the lunch room. But
why do you make the musicians play
such quick airs?" asked the friend.
''Oh, that causes people to eat faster
and make room for others. Their jaws
work in harmony with the the music"
''My boy" he said, as he led the way
to the woodshed, you've been very
naughty today and have annoyed me
greatly, but want to say" "They all
say that" retorted the boy, who
thought he knew what was coming. II
want to say repeated the old man, as
he reached for the switch, that this