The Savannah morning news., 1903-11-15
THE GENIAL IDIOT
He Abandons War and Gives His Reasons,
BY JOHN KENDRlCK BANGS.
Copyright, 1903, by John Russell Davidson.

to look for them somewhere sixty feet
below the surface. But he rose up as
nonchantly as if somebody had merely
dropped a peanut shell on him from
above, and went back into the game
with renewed Vigor Most singular
of all. however, was the spectacle of
one brawny youth catching another
about the middle, hurting him twenty
or thirty yards into a mud puddle, and
then himself proceeding to jump upon
his victims neck as if that same were
made of rubber and not of those some
what more tender ingredients that
make that part of our anatomy so sus-
ceptible to the rude happenings of life.
1t was a common play, that Of one
player pretending that the other was
a hammer and that II was up to him
to throw him a mile if possible. and /
blush to say that every time IT was
made, I, like the rest of the barba-
rians upon the grand stand. got up
and shouted like a demon. Indeed, l
shouted possibly more than anybody
else, because 1 was taking no sides in
the contest and yelled every time
either side did anything that was par
ticularly outrageous"
II had supposed that the rough house
said Mr.. Brief. Haven't the new
rules done something to take away the
brutality of the game?"
Il suppose they have" said the Idiot.
81 believe now It is considered bad
form for one player Intentionally to
step on another's face, or forcibly to
thrust his teeth down his throat: and
IL a man loses his ear in a scrimmage,
l understand that the etiquette of the
game permits him to call for a cessa-
ton of hostilities until he finds it-or
at least to give him a reasonable time
to find 1t, just as they do in golf
when a chap loses his ball. say five
minutes. The authorities have like
wise provided for some modification
of the tandem play by which more
than five men at time are forbid
den to but an opponent in the stomach.
That is a great gain in gentleness,
am concerned in the language of
Shakespeare. But me no butts would
be my slogan if ever / embarked upon
a football enterprise in person"
well, I am surprised" said Mr..
Whitechoker. "Only the other day one
of my congregation was expressing her
delight that football had been so mod
flied as to relieve it of such objection
Of the teams. and am quite certain
it is her belief that the game presents
no dangerous complications.
Possibly she meant to the ball it.
self, Mr.. Whitechoker," said the idiot.
"In respect to the ball, there has un-
doubtedly been a very considerable
moderation. They used to pound it
and kick 1t, and lamm It until you'd
think it would burst, but most of that
has been done away with. 1t is now
treated with as much consideration as
If it We're a tender child. 1t is ham
died with 30 much care that you'd al
most expect to find it marked fragile
and the player who is fortunate enough
to get hold of it fondles 1t in his arms
much as a kindly nurse fondles an in
FAINT; he hugs 1t tight; wards off the
blows of those who would harm it,
does everything, in fact to protect it
from the cruel buffetings of the world.
When the ball falls to the ground, all
twenty-five men gather about it and
defy the world to do it harm, and
| upon occasions when 1t would seem
| as If lasting injury would be wrought
| upon it's tender form, but for prompt
and heroic action, it is punted gently
but firmly as far out of danger as the
guardian Of the moment can manage.
Yes, I think in the last ten years, the
tendency of the game Is, so far as it
relates to the ball, has been in the
direction of restfulness. The pigskin
itself has become rather a rallying
point than an active sufferer from the
AS the idiot finished Mr.. Brief be-
gan scratching his head as If in per-
pleXity.
Your dissertation upon the great
game of the hour is very picturesque"
he said. But I've been wondering for
the past five minutes just what it has
to do with the great principle or Ar
filtration. Arbitration in the end will
of course abolish war. but what is
1t going to have to do with football?"
That's the whole point" said the
idiot. And that's what I'm coming
to. That 1t will abolish war is a good
thing, but is Arbitration to stop there?
Is that one achievement to be suffi-
Client? l should say not, and for that
reason / am coming out for Arbitra-
ton, to become one of its followers
shall preach 1T wherever 1 go wheth-
er my path leads me into Venezuela
or into Canada; into the Bowery or
into the highest circles of society, and
then, as one of It's loyal adherents,
shall be in a position to insist upon
its development along all lines until
the ideal l have in mind is realized"
And that is?" demanded Mr..
| Brief.
THAT these football differences shall
be settled by arbitration and not by
free fight of an hour and a half's
duration divided into two parts" said
the Idiot. II shall begin my propagan-
da by trying to interest the presi-
dents of our colleges in the question.
! Then I shall enlist the sympathies of
the clergy and through them reach
the parents of the young men from
whose serried ranks are now drawn the
! conflicting forces. If Yale claims the
! football championship from Harvard.
| let the Justice of the claim be settled
by a conference made up of three
sober-minded Yale men. three Harvard
men of judicial habit. and an odd out
slider from Columbia, or Princeton, who
shall throw the weight of his influence
! into the balance as his conscience, after
| hearing all the evidence, dictates. This
/ plan once started, developed and ex-
| tended, would result in an Annual
/ Football Congress where the claims
! to pre-eminence of all the col
! leges and universities of the land
would be adjudged. without quarrel
some scrimmages with a tremendous