Evening star., 1903-08-29
1T WAS A. BARGAIN

While was over in Falls Church. visit
ing Mrs. Wayout, today" she said to him.
she told me about a magnificent mahog
any stdeboard that some friends of hers.
In temporary financial trouble. wanted to
dispose of. I went with Mrs. Wayout to
look at 1t. 1t is quite the finest piece of
furniture that ever saw-fully a hundred
years old. Of noble dimensions, and abso-
lutely fiawless In every respect All it
needs is a little polishing to make 1t the
finest ddeboard anywhere-and you know
how badly I've been wanting mahogany
sideboard. for SO long"
Mr.. Jobson set down his coffee cup and
used his napkin with great deliberation.
Uh-huh," he grunted. And l know
how badly you've been wanting to live in
$4,000 house on Connecticut avenue for
so long. And how badly you've been want
Ing $4,000 Mercedes touring car for SO
long. And how badly you've been wanting
for so long enough other things to make
a Rockefeller's bank-roll look like a year
before lasts owls nest
WELL said Mrs. Jobson, quite certain
by this time that she had miscalculated
with regard to the opportune moment. II
though that I'd mention 1t to you, any
way. Wen never have such another op-
p0rtunity to get such a glorious sideboard
for little or nothing-the people in financial
difficulties who have the piece for sale offer
to dispose of 1t for only seventy-tive dol
lars"
Only seventy-five dollars" said Mr.. job
son, with strong accent on the only
You talk of seventy-f1ve dollars as If it
were the price of an over-ripe cantaloupe
or basket of moldy blackberries Are
you aware OF the fact. madam, that there
here In the United States, that never so
much as saw seventy-five dollars in real
money in their lives? Did you ever stop to
think that there are plenty of large fami-
m vInln lNA NE
this country that can and do live an en-
tire year on seventy-five dollars? Dye ever
stop to study out how many thinks I've got
to unravei and develop before 1 earn sew
enty-f1ve dollars?"
!"Oh, well" said Mrs. Jobson, soothingly,
'of course. 1t isn't important. but the side
board seemed such a veritable bargain at
second hand that"
Secondhand" Mr.. Jobson repeated af-
ter Mrs. JobsOn interrupting her. That's s
another feature Of the matter that might
just as well take up again and dispose
OF. for the ten thousandth time, while I
am about 1t. I wonder how many more
times / shall have to remind YOU that I
don't want a lot of secondhand junk lit
tertng up my house? Where did you ever
aggregate the notion that am q member
OF the Secondhand Buyers League? Did
you ever know me to buy anything at sec
ond-hand. taking chances on all of the
chiggers, wood-ticks. thousand-leggers wat
er-bugs, and other and less mentionable
fauna that such buying necessarily in
We'll this sideboard is not exactly at
secondhand. for it has been in the same
family for
Madam. out in Shanghai. China, at the
present moment again interrupted Mr.
Jobson. the United States government is
trying to sell. for the sum Of 5000, an an
cient and decrepit wooden man-o'-war call
ed the Monacacy. which has been condemn
ed The Monacacy isn't exactly second
hand. either; as you put it. because the
ship has been In the possession Of the Unit
ed States navy ever since she was built
but dye think for a holy minute that for
that reason alone. I'm going to work my
self into lather over the great opportun-
ity and rush to put in bid on the old
worn-out tub Of frigateT'
"Oh. well, perhaps we might as well let
the matter go, then," put in Mrs. Jobs0n,
automatically.
''That's what we'll do" positively assent
ed Mr.. Jobson. "And you may as well re-
member. for all time. Mrs. Jobson, that
your husband doesn't belong to the second
hand bunch. l wouldn't accept, as gift
piece of Gobelin tapestry seven hundred
was second hand. even If it had only
ornamented the walls of the castle of the
Dukes Of Kackkyack from the time 1t was
woven. New furniture. right straight from
Grand Rapids. Mich. with that panty and
varnishy smell still clinging to 1t, is good
enough for me at any stage of the route
I'm not putting on any lugs. I'm not try
ing to annex other peoples aged junk
furniture and putting 1t on exhibition in
my house so that can pretend that it has
been in my family for fourteen or fifteen
generations. as some folks that I could
mention. but won't. would like to-"
Thus admonished. not to say fattened
out. Mrs. Jobson executed the domestic
maneuver known as creating a diversion
by laying the exceedingly reasonable gas
bill before Mr.. Jobson. and the sideboard
matter was thus sidetracked.
few evenings ago the JObsons called
upon the Emstreets. They had scarcely got
into the vestibule of the Emstreet domi-
cile before Mr.. Emstreet summoned them
out into the dining room.
i've go something to show you that'll
knock your eye out Jobson." was the way
he expressed 1t. Now. what dye think O.
that for a sideboard?' he inquired, COM
PLEASANTLY spraddling his legs and stufing
his hands into his pockets when they
reached the dining room.
1t was mighty handsome sideboard,
sure enough-solid mahogany of deep,
rich hue with not a mark on ft-a piece
OF furniture of which there are not many
whistle when he took his first view Of 1t.
Great Scott. Emstreet." he calculated,
Its bird. isn't it? Did you mortgage
your house to buy it?'
Mortgage nothing" replied Mr.. En-
street. gloatingiy, and giving Mr.. Jobson a
jovial dig in the ribs with his thumb ITS
clean steal from you, old man. Don't
know how you ever let 1t get away from
you-its a hundred to one that II you'd
ever taken a look at 1t you wouldn't have.
That's the sideboard Mrs. Jobson saw over
in Falls Church, you know, and she told
Mrs Emstreet about 1t when she found
that you didn't care for it."
Mr.. Jobson looked chapfallen. He was
gloomy and preoccupied during the re-
mainder of the visit at the Emstreets,
fact which delighted Mr.. Emstreet all the
more understanding, as he did, the cause
of the gloom in the Jobson bosom.
THAT was q real, cute, undezhand trick
Of yours, wasn't it," was the way Mr.. job
son opened up on Mrs. Jobson when they
left the Emstreets.
why, what was that? inquired Mrs.
Jobson in genuine surprise.
Turning that splendid sideboard over to
the Emstreets-you know well enough what
/ mean, Mrs Jobson-when I was willing
and even eager to buy 1t myself IL you'd
had the decency to give me about twenty
minutes to think 1t over-that's what
mean." growled Mr.. Jobson. Turning 1t
over to the Emstreets. that don't know the
difference between a piece Of mahogany
and a barrel Of bran mash. Giving that
idiot Emstreet. with his imbecile cackles
and grins. a chance to gloat over me. 1
remember, now I come to think of 1t, that
on the evening you told me about that side
board you ran out for a while after din
ner, and 1 suppose you raced right over to
those taddy Emstreets to tell them about