davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times., 1903-12-08
Am sTlCdn Humor.
Are We Deficient in Humorous Litera-
ture?

Somebody has started a discussion
on American humor. and made the
charge that our literature is deficient
il this element as compared with Eng
lish literature Where. 1t Is asked.
are our Thackeray. Dickens, Gold
smith, Addison. Fielding, Lambg
This worried individual has fallen
into the common error of comparing
as equals things which are not equal.
American literature cannot be said to
have properly begun NATL about 1925.
Before that time our population was
toe small and too busy, and there was
too little money in the country, to al
low the development Of anything like
literature. This leaves a period of
little more than seventy-fve years IN
which we are required TO produce
numbe, of humorists equal TO Eng
lands company of authors drawn
from nearly two centuries. Thack-
cray, Dickens. and Lamb are the only
English hmorists who can properly
be- brought into such a discussion.
Moreover, the population of Ameri-
can cities, all taken together, was un-
III a comparatively recent period far
less than that of London alone, and
London has produced or educated
most of the great English writers
until very lately.
As to humOrists, we have Mark
Twain, who, for pure original fun, Is
certainly equal to anything in English
literature; we have Irving, who viii
certainly stand comparison with
Lamb; we have Oliver Wendell
Holmes, who, as a punster, equals
Hood, and in some other respects
surpasses him; and if we have no
Dickens or Thackeray, the multitude
of minor writers of American fiction
are possessed of various Sorts of hu-
NOR to a degree not observable among
English writers of the same grade
There are, IN fact, jokes floating
about the country IN the columns of
newspapers every day, which are as
funny SIS much of the humor in what
Is called literature; yet, because they
are so numerous and so freely pro-
dueed, they are forgotten.
The Washington times., 1903-12-08
THRASHING MACHINE
RAN NEWSPAPER PRESS
Editor and Community Relieved by
Ready Wit of Ingenious Citizen.

FREEHOLD, y. J., Dec. S.-The gas
engine which runs the '.Transcript'
plant was out of order on last press
day and skilled machinists were unable
to mae it go. Almost at the last
hour Richard T. FoTman was called in.
because when ne applies his mind to a
knotty question something has got to
come.
why" said he. i've got a traction
engine that we use principally TO run
thrashing machines, and weu run her
up here behind the Office. rig a belt to
the press. and there yoa are"
This was done, and an edition of
transcripts was thrashed out 10 the
joy of the whole Office and the edifica-
ton OF the community.
The Washington times., 1903-12-08
JUSTICE BROWN ACTIVE
IN SPITE OF ALL RUMORS

Friends OF Justice Henry b. Brown.
of the United States Supreme Court will
doubtless hear with interest that recent
alarming reports OF the jurist's failing
eyesight have been somewhat exagger-
ated- His colleagues on the bench were
surprised to read in an evening paper
on Saturday that Justice Brown had
not been able TO keep up with his duties
at the court.
Inquiry has shown that Justice Brown
attended every session OF the court last
week, as usual, handed down a batch
OF opinions on Monday. and had q spir-
tied discussion with Chief Justice Fuller
in the course Of the hearing IN q pend
ms case on another day. These evil
dences OF Justice Browns active par
ucipation in affairs are not taken Us
bearing out the recent reports.
The Washington times., 1903-12-08
NOT A WOMAN-HATER
IS LORD KITCHENER
His Tender Care of His Old Nurse Ad-
duced as Proof-His Recent
Bad Luck.

LONDON. Dec. Though Lord
Kitchener has never married. and for
this reason has gained the reputation
OF being woman-hater, this accusation
is very unjust One Of his best friends,
who knows him intimately. recently
said OF him that though he does not
wear his heart upon his sleeve" he
has a heart. and a warm one. too.
"The man who follows through life
the woman who nursed him as a child,
who never misses an opportunity Of
seeing that old nurse. is not heartless;
and II he has hesitated at the lottery
OF marriage, he is not the only brave
man who has shrunk from the edge
of that precarious cliff. No; IT IS
contradiction Of all the laws OF human
nature to suppose that from being
so gifted there has been left out that
supreme gift of feeling and love"
When Queen Victoria. the greatest Of
England's monarchs. spoke OF his first
visit to her at Balmoral. she said:
They say he hates women; can only
say he was very nice 10 me-"
The recent accident which happened TO
Lord kitchener, when he was thrown
been OF a much more serious nature
than at first reported. OF course, his
life Is in no danger. but. due to over
work, his general health was poor pre-
vious to his accident. and the fracture
OF his leg is OF very serious nature
and Is not said to be healing as fast as
had been expected.
Altogether the Sirdar seems to have
met with a streak of bad luck. as the
present is the second mishap which he
has encountered this year. The earlier
one was of not nearly so serious char
acter. 1t looked to possess ugly enough
possibilities. however, at the moment,
for his ponies on the road between
Isman Khan and Tonk ran away with
him and whirled his conveyance over a
small ravine. Fortunately he was able
to jrmD clear of the tonga as it was
swung off the road.
These two accidents, coming so close
together. have served to recall the fact
that Lord Kitchener is a bachelor, and
may have suggested 20 some the ques-
ton of succession to his viscounty.
Should he not marry. then the title
would pass TO whichever of his two
brothers survive him or TO the male
heirs of the one entitled to succeed.
The Washington times., 1903-12-08
New York and the Drama.
The Difference Between the Taste OF
New York and That Of Other Cities.

y prominent theatrical manager Is
quoted as saving that the taste Of New
York is IN certain essentials different
from that of the rest Of the country
Most &C rs know that. but as it Is
somewhat rare 10 hear a New York
theatrical man admit it, the statement
Is interesting. The general tone taken
by authorities IN that city has been
that New York knew what the rest
OF the country ought to like, and that
the quicker the rest Of the country
was in coming up TO the standard the
better II would be.
This manager makes three points,
an IF which are justified by reason.
He says that New York does not ike
Shakespeare ard will not support a
production of one of his plays; that
il approves plays Of the musical com
edy order, such as London has sent
ever here several times; that 1t adj
Irires plays of a cynically immoral
tone, purporting to present the life
Of smart society" while the people
of other cities have not been educated
up to the intelligence required to ap-
preciate such plays.
No one who has watched the course
of the drama for the last five or six
years can help seeing that this man
has bit the nail exactly on the head.
New York does Ike musical comedies
and cynical society dramas better
than Shakespeare, and makes them
pay better. The rest of the country,
however, stiB has a sneaking admira-
ton for Shakespeare, even when pro
dueed without the magnificent pro
Guetion7 accessories which are now
deemed necessary; and a very large
part Of the theater-gomg population
like q play ike The Little Minister,
rip Van WirEle," or such simple
and joyous dramas as Sol Smith Rus
sell used to produce, better than so
ciety plays in which clothes and IN
nuendoes are the principal features,
or productions IN which hashed-oyer
music, doubtful ballets, and stale
jokes are the chief ingredients
These things being 50, IS there not .
The Washington times., 1903-12-08
JAPAN MAY Be ASKED
TO EXPLAIN ATTACK
Admiral Evans Investigating Assault
on American Seamen Shipwreck-
ed on Botel Tobago.

Japan may be asked to explain an at
tack made upon shipwrecked American
seamen from the steamer Bejamin Sc
wall, by natives Of the Island Botel
Icbago, Japanese dependency.
Rear Admiral Evans, commanding the
Asiatic station. under the direction of
the Navy Department. has sent the gun
boat Annapolis to Tamsui, FormOsa, to
investigate the wrongs of the ship
wrecked sailors. and will report to the
State Department whether he thinks
Japan should be asked for an explaua-
ton
An account of he sufferings OF the
American sailors is given IN a letter
from Lieutenant Commander Denfield,
Of the cruiser Don Juan de Austria, re-
ceived at the Navy Department. This
cruiser picked up three japanese sailors
who were on the wrecked vessel.
Three days out from Singapore the Ben
jamin Sewall was struck by a typhoon
and lost all its masts. The crew en-
barked in small boats. Aoki, the Jap
anese who told the story to the crew
OF the Don Juan de Austria, says he
was in a boat with several Filipino
seamen, several japanese searnen, an
American negro. a Russian seaman. the
third mate and his wife, and the chief
officer.
When the small boat neared the shore.
savage natives boarded the small boat,
stole all the valuables the shipwrecked
crew had, caTsized the boat. and left
the unfOrtunstes to drown. Several of
the crew, including the third mate and
his wife, persisted. The others swan to
shore and were rescued after remaining
in hiding five days
The Washington times., 1903-12-08
Mrs. Watt Wins.

Subsequently Mrs. Watt obtained pos
session of some letters written by Lady
Violet Beauchamp. in which the latter
inti1iated that Mrs Watt had attempted
to poison her. and imputed all sorts of
infamies TO her. never dreaming. OF
course, that she would see the letters
in question. which were Of CONFIDENTIAL
nature and addressed 10 Mr.. Watt. The
jury gave a verdict in favor OF Mrs
Watt, ordering Lady Violet. who is the
only daughter Of the fifth Earl of Roden.
to pay $4,000 damages and costs.
Lady Violet declining to pay. Mrs
Watt instituted bankruptcy proceed
ings against her. as being a single wO-
man. whereupon Lady Violet has now
married Mr.. Watt, which checkmates
all further attempts on the part OF
Mrs. Watt to recover her damages,
since IL is impossible in English law to
bankrupt a married woman.
From now on. therefore, Lady Violet
Beauchamp must be known as Lady
Violet Watt. and in London there is a
good deal Of amusement. not to say
glee, over the way In which she has
gotten the better OF Mrs. Watt. For
although the latter is the much injured
party and the one deserving Of sym
pathy. yet in cases where an aristOcrat.
titled or untitled. is enga ged in any
dispute or fight with a person OF in
ferior rank. the former can always be
sure that the members OF mis- order viii
espOuse his cause.
The Washington times., 1903-12-08
The Stanley Case.

No better illustration can be given
thereof than the late Sir Walter Bart
teIot's dispute with Sir Henry Stanley.
the explorer. Sir Walters second son,
Major Edmund BarttelOt. of the Cold
stream Guards. was second in COM
mand OF the Emin Pasha expedition. and
was murdered in central Africa by
some OF his native followers. Stanley,
on his return to England. was accused.
not only Of not having broughS the
majors murderers 70 justice. but like
wise with having manifested the most
pronounced indifference TO his fate.
Finally Stanley. eXasperated beyond
all bounds, gave IL 10 be understood that
Major BarttelOt had brought his death
upon himself by behavior which con-
stituted a disregard OF the most ele-
meatary notions OF humanity and even
Of honor
The Washington times., 1903-12-08
Two causes ceIebre."

Two causes celebre" has just been
recalled by announcements in the Eng
lish newspapers The one is that,of Ille
birth OF a son ten days ago to Captain
and Mrs. Laycock- Mrs Laycock. the
young mother. was formerly the wife Of
the Marquis Of Downshire. who obtained
a divorce from her about eighteen
months or so ago. Captain Laycock be-
ing the correspondent in the case The
captain. who is a man Of great wealth.
Of reputation as a sportsman. and who
was twice mentioned in the dispatches
while serving in the South African war
under General Franch. was best man at
the wedding of the young Duke Of West
Minister He has often been in, this
country, and was here, notably on board
his big fun rugged steam yacht The
Walhalla, at the time of Lord Dun
ravens endeavOr 10 lift the America
Cup. al. efs = --.~--
The other cause ceIebre" recalled is
the Beauchamp divorce case Il may be
recalled that Sir Reginald BeaIschamp
obtained a divorce from his wife. Lady
Violet, a wealthy Glasgow member Of
parliament Of the name of Watt being
the correspondent. The suit was follow
ed by a demand by Mrs. Watt for the
dissolution Of her marriage.
The Washington times., 1903-12-08
SHEPHERD WAS KILLED
BY ROYAL GAHEKEEPER
King Alfonso, of Spain, Grieved by In
cident of His Hunt, Returns
to Palace.

MADRID, Dec. S.-Duri1g a royal
shooting excursion near Madrid yester-
day a shepherd was killed by a game
keepers gun.
The incident gave rise 20 several grave
rumors here One report had il that
the victim bore a gr-dge against a mem
Der Of the kings household and aimed
his gun at this member. A game keeper
seeing this. shot the shepherd while
the latter was loading his carbine.
The King was much affected by the
incident and returned TO the city imme-
diately- When Alfonso had arrived in
Madrid his aide de camp proceeded to
the council chamber. where the cabinet
was sitting. and Premier Maura return
ed with him to the palace
Later the foregoing version OF the
shooting was officially confirmed.
The Washington times., 1903-12-08
LONDON WAS BATHED
IN A SEA OF MUD

mud yesterday There were rivers of
mud in the streets and fOU ltains OF
mud in the cir. There seemed to be
keen rivalry between the rain which
came down pitilessly and the mud which
spurted up necessarily. The policemen
were mere pillars of mud, and the
shop windows were spasJered so
thickly that one could hardly see the
wares displayed inside Even the hab-
itues of London streets. such as the
policemen and omnibus conductors, de-
clared they had never seen mud IN such
prOfusiOn-
The Washington times., 1903-12-08
KAISER ORDERS YACHT
TO THE MEDITERRANEAN
Will Cruise in Southern Waters if Doc
tors Find Italian Climate Benz
fetal TO Him.

BERLIN. Dec. s--Emperor William.
who now takes daily walks outdoors az
Potsdam, has ordered the imperial yacht
Hohenzollern TO be placed in readiness
for a cruise in the Mediterranean, but
no date has been set for her depart
ure-
1t is understood his majesty will en-
bark on the yacht at some Italian port
II his physicians approve of such a
trip after watching the effect OF the
southern climate upon him. II is stated
the Emperor viii make his appearance
al hunting parties at Goehrde on De.
cember II and IS, although it is not sup
posed he will participate in the shoot
ing.
The Washington times., 1903-12-08
GOV. CURTIN'S WIDOW
DIES OF APOPLEXY
Aged Woman Expires Suddenly While
Sitting at Luncheon.

BELLEFONTE. Pa. Dec 8-Mrs.
Catherine l. Curtin, widow of War Gov
ernor Andrew c. Curtin, died suddenly
of apopleNy at her home here yesterday.
Mrs. Curtin was out shopping early In
the afternoon, and at the time said to a
friend that she felt unusually well and
enjoyed the cold weather
She went home and while at luncheon
about 2 o'clock was stricken with apo
plexy and died in less than an hour
Mrs Curtin was eighty-four years old
and was a daughter OF DR.. w. ". VIII
son. She was a highly-cultured woman
-Four children survive-yVilliam w
Curtin. of Philadelphia; Mrs. George r
Harris. Mrs. NJ. Burnett, and Mrs
Breeze.
The Washington times., 1903-12-08

chance for some enterprising man
ager to make money in a modest way
by attending TO the wants of the him
torland and allowing New York to
run its own shows for a little while 2
Because New York takes to hci
tamales and wood alcohol, must there
be no more cakes and ale for the rest
of us2
The Washington times., 1903-12-08
ARCHBISHOP APPOINTED
FOR SEE OF MILWAUKEE
Dispatch From Rene Says Bishop
Messmer Is Katzer's Successor.

NEW YORK, Dec. S.-A private cable
dispatch received here announces that
Bishop Sebastian Gerhard Messmer. Of
Green Bay, Wis, has been appointed
Archbishop OF Milwaukee. TO succeed
the late Archbishop KatZer. Before
his elevation to the bishOpric, Mon
siSnor Messmer was pastor OF St.
Peters Church in Newark, \. J.. and
was also a professor in Seton Hall
Seminary. He taught many of the
prominent priests in New York
The Washington times., 1903-12-08
RED CROSS WOMEN GIVE
$1,000 TO TYPHOID CITY

PiTTSBURG. Pa. Dec. S.-The wo-
men OF the general committee Of the
First Pennsylvania Auxiliary Of The
Red Cross yesterday voted 81, 900 TO aiJ
the stricken town Of Butler. The sum
voted was balance remaining from the
Spanish war fund Members of the
auxiliary viii visit Butler and report
Frida--
The Washington times., 1903-12-08
CARNEGIE GIFT REFUSED.

WlNSTED, Conn. Dec S.-Andrew
Carnegie has offered 10 give the town Of
Lee. Mass, $O0G0 for a public library
building on condition that the town
provide site and maintain the library.
similar offer TO North Canaan has
been refused.
The Washington times., 1903-12-08
Secretary Roots Report.
The Radical Work Done During His
Administration

N-S--
Secretary Roots report is eharac-
teristieally terse and to the point, and
it IS to be regretted that this is the
last report which he will ever be called
upon to make. He has been. from the
fiIst day of his administration, the
right man IN the right place. The
department needed radical changes.
and he was the man to make them.
II needed a man who could see what
was to be done and do it without de
lay, and he was that sort of man. His
successor Will find work enough to do,
bat not the peculiar problems which
Secretary Root encountered at the be
ginning of his administration
The War Department Of any gov
eminent is one of the most difficult
tc handle It is liable to corruption,
to the evils of red tape, to favoritism,
to numerous other dangers. In this
country the problems of the War De
partment are complicated by the
presence in our population of large
element which apparently does not
believe there ought to be any War
Department. The spokesman of this
element are forever inveighing against
what they call the dangers of the mill
tary ideal. They apparently think
that the country can prepare for war
on the principle enunciated IN that
old nursery rhyme about learning to
swim without going near the water.
Army men know, of course, that In
case Of inevitable war with some for
eign country, or even such guerrilla
skirmisheS as the one IN Cuba, nine
tenths of the loss of money and men
could be prevented by proper discip-
line beforehand. but the people can
not be made to think so, and there
fore money is not forthcoming for
appropriations. War Is one Of the
most expensive businesses in which
any country can engage, but adequate
preparation reduces the expense to
considerable degree. This is a fact
which the constituents of many Con-
gressmen do not understand.
Another difficulty which any Secre-
tarv of War must encounter Is real
political favoritism. complicated by
charges of political fayoritism. Ever
since the civil war the army, has been
considered more or less a playground
for politicians, and at intervals the
pets Of prominent statesmen have
been tumbled into this playground IN
punches. 1t has not been good for
the morale of the department. The
results of a long course of this treat
ment were among the problems en-
countered by Secretary Root, and he
had also, of course, to risk charges
of favoritism made when he promoted
anybody at the expense Of anybody
else. All these things, however, APP
parently disturbed MIN but little. He
knew what had to be done, and he
desired to do that thing, without re-
gard to anybody's opinion
One of the Secretary's strongest
characteristics, and one which has,
perhaps, contributed most to his sue
cess, is his ability to hold his peace
about the affairs of the department.
Never once has he been tempted TO en-
ter into fruitless discussion. He has
known how TO make radical changes
without talking about IT, He has, IN
short. devoted himself 70 the good of
the department rather than to posing
as its reformer, and the results are
gratifying.
The Washington times., 1903-12-08
CUBANs MOURN MACEo.

HAVANA. Dec. S-Cubans in a ma
-iooal holiday yesterday commemorate
-5'% seventh anniversary of the death Of
General Maceo. IL was also the ami
Sersary OF the death of General Co
nez's eldest SON. who was Maceo's
aide
The Washington times., 1903-12-08
GREATEST SUGAR CARGO.

BOSTON, Mass. Dec. S.-The Dig
British tramp steamer Kni~ht Errant
from Java for Boston, passed In yester-
day. having on board Il. 600 tons OF Java
sugar, the largest cargo Of sugar ever
carried
The Washington times., 1903-12-08
Insurgentlemen.

Mr. PIane-You den. hear much nowadays
about the Filipino insurgents.
Mrs. Plane (nee KulcheT, OF Boston, Gracious
William, will YOU never learn TO avoid that bar
barous worn "gents?' You mean gentlemen,
Of course Philadelphia Press.
The Washington times., 1903-12-08
THIEVES LOOT PEsTHousE.

FORT WAYNE. Dec. S.-The city pest
house was burglarized Sunday night OF
everything conveniently portable. iucIud-
ing the bedding. Until recently the
house has been occupied by smallpox
patients.
The Washington times., 1903-12-08

Boston paper cridcises Booker
Washington's advice to cure the blues
by sympathizing with somebody else,
and explains that sympathy IS not 50
good for the suffering as stern ad-
vice TO be up and doing. That IS all
very well. but Kipling once wrote a
verse which ran Ike this
The toad beneath the harrow
Knows exactly where each tooth-point goes;
The butterfly upon the road
breaches contentment TO that toad
The toad and butterfly business IS
fiourishing enough as It is. without any
encouragement.
The Washington times., 1903-12-08
In a Lighter Vein.
Strange But True.

We're ready 20 criticise errors abroad,
When errors at home should be righted.
Our own sins are small. or not noticed at all
Fault-fnding is always far-sighted-
philadelphia Record.
The Washington times., 1903-12-08

Aren't you the man who away with my
ho.ser''
NO. sir Daughter
But YOU never sent the horse back!'-Ncw
Norl, Telegram.
The Washington times., 1903-12-08
The Proper Place.

Editor-Oh, yes; III publish your poem.
Ethel-How good Of you. And in what part
OF your paper viii you put II
Editor-Oh, I'll put IL in right next TO reading
matter-Judge.
The Washington times., 1903-12-08
His Trip.

Ou the trolley cars 81 love
See Conductor Cupid:
Mixes transfers, pockets fares,
Really seems quite stupid.
When the journeys near its end
same Old words are spoken;
"All out-take the car aheadi"
All engagements broken.
McI-andbuygh Wilson in Brooklyn Life.
The Washington times., 1903-12-08
Strap Hangers.

Roderick-The paper says there are microbes
c.ingiHg 90 the straps IN the street cars
Van Albert-Hm. J never knew microbes
We're 50 much like human beings. Chicago
News
The Washington times., 1903-12-08

The New York Press suggests that
all owners Of hotels and apartment
houses should put in the halls a big
sign reading, What Would You Do in
Case OF Fire?" II the apartment house
were like some We know. and the fire
were IN the furnace. the inhabitants
would hold a praise meeting.
The Washington times., 1903-12-08
A Provident Mind.

He-I think I'll go and speak 60 your father
at once. He can't dO~fnore than kick me out.
Shelf seems a pity % risk it, dear, in that
good subtitle
The Washington times., 1903-12-08
WILL FORCE MEN TO VOTE.

MADRID. Dec. S.-A law compelling
men to vote is part of the legislation
the new cabinet intends to introduce.
The Washington times., 1903-12-08

Mumps are prevalent at Annapolis. 1t
be excused from the hazing course.
The Washington times., 1903-12-08

Philadelphia is about TO have an at
tack OF Ibsen; but it might be worse.
II Ibsen were living in this country
he would write a play on Philadelphia q
water supply.
The Washington times., 1903-12-08

The next thing anybody knows. Pan
anna will be begging Uncle Sam to
lend her stocking TO hang up FOR
Christmas.
The Washington times., 1903-12-08

The Japanese diet is considering the
question OF bear with a gravity which
is Increased by the fact that the Jap
anese are mostly Buddhists and vegeta-
The Washington times., 1903-12-08
TIERS.

DR.. b. r.
timore, died
poisoning
st night ne
u supper.