The semi-weekly messenger. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1897-1908, 1903-01-27

ACDhJ GIT 4JUOr ny 1NODEII I1OHd I \
Russell.)
Once there was a Lover who was on
the Ragged Edge of the Desert where
me Old Bachelors live.
He MAS good and tired of the ATis-
4OcTatIc Boarding House, in which one
Aa!I of the Women Folks are Private
Detectives. This thing OF living in a
PigeOn-HOIe and looking out at a Tin
Root had lost all Rarity and Charm for
Horace.
He had gazed into the barren Future
saC made up his mind to Marry. even
n ne had TO choke some Nice Girl in or
der 70 force her TO say Yes" H was
ali keyed up Tor MatTimOny and the
ext thing to 90 was to cnOJs. the
Lucky Bride.
Horace had don more or less re-
Ae4rsing and he was wise 10 tn Fact
thai il Is just as easy to love a Girl
who has the Coin as it IS 10 ct dippy
over the Honest Working Girl. Some
Aicu imagine that the Foxy Play is u
grab Oft something that never OWue !
any Suabu-sts and Sable Wraps, AMI
probably she Will be satisfied with De-
gartment Store TUTqO.ses and ImitL-
zion Lambs Wool.
Eat Horace observed that those who
never had been strong enough to throw
on the LISS while they were living
- a+aA-- 80 NAAI 49, 'AA.- ~ tf-N
erimps into the Bank Account before
thc Honeymoon played out.
Horace often suspected that some of
them hooked up merely TO get a Whack
Al the Finery. But then. Horace was
n regular old Cynic.
SO ne decided that he would pick
One whose Folks had already bought
for her about everything she would
UceI.
After travelling the Beat for a month
and putting down Names in his POCka
Memorandum Book, he drew a Red
Marx around the Name of Lucille and
the same Day ne sent her some Orchids
and n New Book that ne knew she
would Enjoy, because it had such 4
Sweet Love Story running through it.
Soon after that. the Girl at Central
began to know all about the Progress
Of the Affair. Lucille was all around
fhc NeighbOrhOOd assuring People
dearest and kindest Friends. there was
really and truly nothing doing. Conse-
EuentIy every one could see how it was
going to turn out.
Horace had fOndIy supposed that the
Recipe for becoming engaged was
simply TO warm up TO the Girl until he
sOuld Hold Hands without using Brute
Force. and then wait for the PsyChOlo-
-iCaI Moment. So one Night when
Lucille looked up into his Eyes and said
he was different from any other Gentle
nan she had ever met. he came back
with the Speech. Her only Reply was to
clip him one OF Papa's Business Cards
which she had ready for the Occasion.
Go and square yourself with him"
said Lucille.
Next Morning. Horace, wearing his
best Bib and Tucker (alsO 100000
Goose PimpIes) was shown into Papas
Office. First he a to tell all about
his Assets and his Business Experi-
ence. but that didn't take long Then
ae told how much he saved every
Month. If he Swelled it a little, it was
because ne loved the Girl
After he had answered all the Ques-
lions ne had 70 sit and listen to that
weIl-known MOnolOgue which is the
Prize Speciality of the Self-Made Party
EhO began Life by working for s. pr
Month and saving s. of it. LuCille'S
Father said that Young Men nowadays
are too extravagant and not half as
industrious and Keen as he had hean
about the Time that he scaped from
Ehc Farm. He sat there and hurled
Bouquets at himself until his Arm
gave out. after which he told Horace
20 go fx 1t with Lucille's Mother
Mother wanted to know. first. II he
Eas willing to be married in the Epis-
enraiiau Church. He had to tell all
shout his Family. h seemed much
relieved when she learned that he had
Relatives in Virginia. Horace knew
that part OF it would be ali right-un-
less she should happen to see the Reia-
lives some day.
She told him why a HOuse was pre-
fprahIe to a Flat and scathed two or
three if his Suggestions for USherS- At
ter letting him know that he would cut
out little Ice at the Ceremony. she sug-
geeted that he so over and make him.
self solid with Uncle Samuel. because
ne had been accustomed to hold Luz
ellie on his Knee when h was a mere
Tot.
And. of course. that gave him a right
30 butt in on all Family Issues
Uncle Samuel asked Horace what
Church he attended regularly. The only
thing that saved Horace was that ht
happened to remember the Name OF
Church Horace tried to side-sJOp tn.
Questions about Drinking and Smoklns
put Uncle pinned him down so he SAFE
that he had been tempted but he hal
not fallen, rs yet
After running the Family Gauntie
Horace heaved a Sign of Relief an
believed that he had climbed all tn
PrcIfmiuartes. Not SO he had forgotten
"a fx ii up with his own Firm
IN Employee can so on the oufSidt
ard do almost anything and the Firm
will not interfere. but the Minute n
taIks Marry, then old Mr. Side-Whis
EGTS SeDlS IOi MIN - toAl-t : NNC 1 -
Vate Office. The reason for this IS tina
avery Antique in the Wholesale Distric
had q lot of cu~t-and-dried AdVic
which he loves 10 unload on any on
who is compelled 10 stand and take II
So Horace learned from his respeCtc
Boss that for two or three Years tn
Couple should live on Cereal Food an
make their own Clothes.
The next Bunch OF Warning n Ad
vice came from the True Friends at IN
Club. They put him down at a Tab
and sat around him and inhaled n
Scotch until they were all Pie-Eyed an
then they told him what q Horribl
Risk he vas taking and how not NOR
than a half-doZen Married Men in tow
seemed really happy and. although
abe was a Nice Girl. she had been er
gagged two or three times before. an
Eother-in-law would be q fierce PROP