The Savannah morning news., 1903-07-26
THE DOLEFUL MERRYMAKING
OF MERRIE ENGLAND
Brother John Boil Has No ConeY Island to Give
Him SUmmer Joy.
BY JONOTHAN HAWKINS.
BY JONOTHAN HAWKINS.

company would hardly use for cattle
| trucks. Probably it lasts until nearly
noon, and unless the family have
brought some food with them in a
paper bag-a practice usually con-
sidered low by the cheap tripper'
class-they have to starve, for they
have no chance to buy refreshments
on the journey.
The EnRlishmhn's Anticipated
Amusements.
When at last they get to the sea-
side, hot. hungry. dirty, tired and IN
comfortable they Immediately make
a dash for the beach-'the sands they
call it-where all the amusements CEN
ter. Amusements" aSd the English
man snorted with sheer disgust. IT'S
an insult to the word after one has
seen Coney Island or Atlantic City.
or any sof your other big American
summer resorts.
If ii happens TO be a public holiday
and several excursions have come
down, people swarm on the beach
like ants, until there is no room to
move without treading on somebody.
Our clerk and his family push their
way through the crowd, munching hot
buns out of a big paper bag and look
ing out for something new.
Something new! They have their
choice between the negro minstrels,
the comic singers, the peripatetic
phrenologist, who tells your bumps
the Punch and Judy show, the cocoa
nut shying alley, and a trip out to sea
in what is sardonically called a pub
lie pleasure yacht with 200 other sea-
sick landsmen. These are the only
amusements provided for perhaps a
hundred thousand people. No wonder
the Englishman spends a melancholy
holiday.
The Englishman sighed sympatheti-
cally over his countrymen's summer
woes, then went on:
The negro minstrels are the first
attraction, but our clerk and his wife
soon find out that they tell the same
old stories, sing the same old songs,
and do the same old stunts as the ne
gro minstrels of their youth. So they
wander along the sands, make a lunch
off more hot buns. bad ice cream and
warm beer. and then go for a sail in
one of the pleasure yachts Natur-
ally they are very seasick and return
to the beach more melancholy ana
quarrelsome than ever.
THE children? They paddle in the
sea until a big wave comes in and
knocks Johnny over and spoils his nice
new suit. Poor Johnny gets his ears
boxed as if he were responsible for the
VagarieS OF the Atlantic!-and there is
one more spasm of weeping and scold-
ing. Then the head of the family,
bored to death, sneaks off to the near
est drinking place and stays there I'M
til it is time for the train to start for
home. Often enough, his poor wife
has to search for him there, and drag
him along, half drunk. to the railway
station.
HOmeward Bound.
THE return journey is even more
miserable than the trip down, but for
tunately they are all too tired to quar-
rel with one another, and presently
they drop off to sleep and forget all
the woes Of the holiday. Next day
the man goes cheerily to his work,
thankful that he won't have to go to
the seaside again for several months
No. sir" emphatically concluded
the Englishman, England has moth
ing like Coney Island or Atlantic City,
worse luck
But this is dull. Let s do some
more stunts, as you Americans call
them. Looping the loop is better fun
than reforming England
And minute later the Englishman
had forgotten all about the melan-
choly merrymaking of merrie Eng
land in the mad, Joyous whirl of old
Coney.