davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Morris tribune. [volume] (Morris, Minn.) 1880-2000, 1903-07-11
His Choice Of Routes

It was in third class carriage on
the Lancashire and Yorkshire rail-
way. The talk all the way had been
about foot racing. One young fell
low bad crowed SO Justify as to what
he could do on the cinder track that
an old fellow sitting in one corner
of the compartment thought he
would take it out of the youngster.
$50 tina con run bit, con tina %
he said,
CAV reckon aw CON-" was the re-
ply.
"Aw'H tell thi what anvil do WI
thi. Anvil race thi for 5 peaWnds
If tha'll gi' me yard start"
"Done! Wheer will tina runw
Cup a ladder!" came the answer
amid roars of laughter.-London
Tit-Bits.
Morris tribune. [volume] (Morris, Minn.) 1880-2000, 1903-07-11
Males First.

The bishop of Hereford was once
holding confirmation in a country
church in his diocese. Those about
to be confirmed were arranged in
the front seats Of the church, the
males on one side, the females on
the other. The service had reached
the point at which the candidates
were to approach the bishop for the
laying on Of hands when the vicar
of the parish, whose duty it was to
lead the candidates in order up to
the bishop, hesitated, being in doubt
whether males or females should
first advance. Turning to the bish-
op, he asked in an undertone,
"Would your lordship prefer the
males to come up first or the fe-
males ?"
"Sir," was the reply in tones loud
enough to be heard throughout the
whole church, "Adam was first Gre
ated, and then Eve. London Tit
Bits.
Morris tribune. [volume] (Morris, Minn.) 1880-2000, 1903-07-11
She Settled the Trouble.

Talk about your true philosophy,
how is this for an example that a
woman can meet most emergencies
In a Broadway car bowling down
town man refused to pay his fare
for some reason not made evident
to the other passengers. After vain
argument the car was stopped, and
the conductor jumped off to find a
policeman. AS usual, this took
time, SO the people began to be i'm
patient. Finally a woman in the
corner called out:
"See here; I'll pay his fare if
you'll only go on. I've got to catch
train and can't wait any longer"
And as no one, not even the Gull
prit, seemed to object the nickel was
passed over and the trip continued.
New York Times.
Morris tribune. [volume] (Morris, Minn.) 1880-2000, 1903-07-11
A GREAT SCHEME.
n a Domestic Row Is imminent Al
ways Get the First Word.

MARIA" he said as he entered
,, the house, speaking before his wife
had time to say word, 'Ethis house
is in an awful condition"
"Why, Henry she began.
'<Don't try to excuse yourself" he
interrupted. 'Iook at this room!
I was going to bring friend home
with me, but / refrained for fear
that the house would be just in the
condition that / find it in"
eff you had sent word, Henry"
"Sent word, Maria! Why should
1 have sent word? Why should
any one who claims to be a house
keeper have to be notified so that
she can skurry about and make
things look respectable? And that
gown! Maria, it's outrageous to be
dressed in that fashion at this time
of day."
ct could have changed it."
ooh, of course. You could have
done lots Of things, but you didn't.
You should be ready to entertain
your husbands friends at any time.
I suppose the dinner is cold too?"
otis not so good as it was.
You're late, you know"
''Of course. And if | had brought
my friend with me he'd have had to
sit down to a cold dinner or one
that was burned to a cinder, and we
should have both felt Inundated
and should have had to apologize.
1t isn't right, Maria! It isn't right
at all p
"Really, Henry, | am sorry that
you are so much annoyed"
'Well, l wish you would try to
do little better. It's very annoy
ing-very annoying"
And when he had settled himself
in his armchair after dinner he
chuckled to himself and muttered:
George, but | should have got a
roasting for being late if ! hadn't
started in first. It's a great
scheme. New York News.
Morris tribune. [volume] (Morris, Minn.) 1880-2000, 1903-07-11
Aud Nick,s Sister.

A farmers wife in Perthshire,
who was much troubled by her hus-
bands drunken habits, arranged
with her brother to play the ''ghost''
upon her husband one dark night.
When on the way home from the
inn the farmer saw an apparition
suddenly rise behind some bushes.
"Wha are YEP" cried the farmer.
'1'm Aud Nick" was the reply.
"Gie's a shank O. yer hand, them"
exclaimed the tipsy man. "I'm mar
riet tae a sister O. yours. She'll be
waitin' for s up bye at the farm,
an II nae doot maxi We welcome"
Scottish American.
Morris tribune. [volume] (Morris, Minn.) 1880-2000, 1903-07-11
A HUNGRY GOAT.
He Ate Twenty Threaded Needles and
Sewed Himself Up.

| SSNsSA SHs
On an island in the bay of Rio de
Janeiro there exists somewhat GU
rious breed of goats, and on one
occasion when vessel of the Unit
ed States navy put into that port a
sailor made trip to the island, saw
and admired the goats and, declar-
ing that he would like to have one
for pet, purchased a handsome bill
ly and had the animal transferred
aboard ship. William was fairly
well behaved, but he had an as
toundingly unnatural and depraved
appetite. The Harlem goat which
the comic journals credit with
thriving on a diet of tin cans and
circus posters was a dainty epicure
compared with this Brazilian goat.
The officers could not sleep at night
for thinking that perhaps he would
eat the brass ratings Of the ship
before morning, while one old salt
declared that he had seen William
make a meal Of a can of powder.
Consequently all hands were on the
watch for several days to prevent
him from swallowing any matches.
But the vigorous appetite of this
goat resulted finally in his undoing.
One day the sailors were busy
sewing and mending some sails and
tarpaulins, and when the mealtime
was announced they left their nee
dies and thread lying where they
could pick them up again when they
returned While they were gone
William came along, saw the thread
and, taking it for granted that it
was some new variety of hay, COB
bled Up thread, needles and all.
When The sailors returned he was
nibbling away on a piece of sail
cloth. Even then they could not
believe that he had swallowed their.
needles, but suspected that some of
the loafers on shore had stolen
them during their absence, until
some days later a thing occurred
which revealed the whereabouts of
their missing sewing material. A
day or two after this occurred Will
liam looked somewhat droopy. Lat
er he INDUCED in fits at intervals
of every thirty minutes or more I'M
til death put an end to his misery.
His condition excited the curiosity
of the ships surgeon, who held
a postmortem examination and
found tWenty-three needles distrib-
uted about through his interior, in
each case the thread attached. He
was literally sewed up.-Washing-
ton Post.
Morris tribune. [volume] (Morris, Minn.) 1880-2000, 1903-07-11
A LAWYERS Advice.

Robert Toombs evinced the incest
scruples in the practice of his pro-
fession. On one occasion he said to
a client who had stated his case to
him: eyes, you can recover in this
suit, but you ought not to do so.
This is a case in which law and JUS
tice are on opposite Sides. The
client told him he would push the
case anyhow. sThen,' z replied Mr..
Toombs, "you must hire some one
else to assist you in your gascalit7. =
Morris tribune. [volume] (Morris, Minn.) 1880-2000, 1903-07-11
TIME TABLE LOCAL TRAINS;

RRowNs VALLEY LINE.
No. Sc, passenger, going vest. 500 pm
No. 60, passenger, going east. n:oo am
Morris tribune. [volume] (Morris, Minn.) 1880-2000, 1903-07-11
His Tide of Fortune.

"There is a tide in the affairs Of
men," said the man who habitually
quotes Shakespeare, (which, taken
at its food, leads on to fortune
eyes," replied the man who had
married an heiress; ct remember
the tide that led to my fortune
we'll"
"What tide was that %
ut was eyentide, and we were
sitting in the garden. . San Fran
cisco Wasp.
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1903-07-06
True Blue and Good.

Those who have missed the excellent
performances given at the Olympus
Theatre this week have cause for regret,
as those who did not see it at the Acme
Opera house last week for the cause OF
the Heppner sufferers. Manager Cooper
assisted by Mr.. Gus Tate, who is not only
comedian, but first class stage man.
ager as we'll, are securing the best avail
able talent on the Sound. Sid Baxter,
assisted by Miss Beatrice Southwick,
have more than pleased the large au.
diences. "The Only Helena" wearing
diamond Dress" does most original
and pleasing turn-interspersed with
witty local sayings, and shots. Miss
Margaret Foster is certainly an excel
lent Tyrollean warbler and wins de-
served applause. Miss George Lee,
billed as the Grays Harbor Favori'e,
does credit to herself as a performer as
we'll as keeping up her deserved reputa-
ton as billed. Mr.. Harry Steele, a CO.
median dancer, singer and roller skater
opens tonight.
Miss Ada Russell will appear in her
character changes, and new stories.
The ever popular Vernon Sisters are re-
tanned, and always make good. a
strong bill Is in evidence again.
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1903-07-06
Along the Water front

The schooner w. j. Patterson is load.
ing at tie American mill, for San Pedro.
The schooner \. t. Goats is loading
at the West & Slade mill, for San Pedro.
Tie schooner Annie Campbell is load
ing at the Michigan mill, for San Fran
cisco.
The schooner Melrosc is at the Ander-
son & Middleton mill. loading for San
Pedro.
The schooner Edward West is at the
West & Slade mill, loading for South
Africa.
The schooner Muriel is at the West &
Slade mill, loading for Santa Rosalia,
Mexico.
The schooner James II. Bruce is load.
ing at the Dryden & Leitch mill for San
Francisco.
The steamer Santa Monica sailed Thurs
day night from the American mill for
San Francisco.
The schooner Mahukoma is still
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1903-07-06
THE DOCTORS MEET,
Chehalis County Medical Society Meets ir
Aberdeen, Tomorrow Evening"

The Chehalis County Medical Society
will meet in this city tomorrow evening
The following program has been an
nounced tor the meeting:
"Tubercular Glands # the Neck, dag
nosis and Treatment" DR.. J. William
Scamell, of Aberdeen. Discussion by
DR.. Mcintyre, of Hoqnam.
"The Uric Acid Dlathesis," DR.. D. A.
Schumacher, OF Aberdeen. Discussion
by DR.. Blair, of Elma.
"Metritis Chronic, Diagnosis and Treat
ment," DR.. +. 7. French, OF Lima. Dis
cusslon bv DR.. NJ. l.. Pearson, o.
Aberdeen.
"Cystitis, Acute" DR.. M. r. Stapp, o.
Aberdeen. Discussion by DIR. Walston
Of Montesano.
"Surgcal Treatment Prolapsus Ueri. ,
DR.. H. Campbell, Of Ho4uiam Discus
sion by DIR. Watkins, of Cosmopolis.
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1903-07-06

Aberdeen tenn, won the first and second
prizes, respectively.
In the quarter mile bicycle race for
bows, Roscoe Fear took the gold medal,
and LATE Martin the silver medal.
Leon McNeal easily took the gold
medal in the hat-mile, open bicycle
race, while Everett Lobdell was close
second.
There were six entries in the five-mile
handicap bicycle race, and three OF them
came in close at the finish in TIE follow
ing order: A. Ingebrigtsen, Everett
Lobde and Hubert Bell.
One OF the funniest OF the events was
the "obstacle" race. 1t was through a
barrel, over a step.ladder and high
fence. Several lads made the attempt,
and l.. DeLashmert came out first, and
Earl Jameson second.
In the bows pony race three kids, with
equestrian ambitions, entered, and they
came under the wire in the following
order: Chester Young, Harold Gross,
Louis Fogel.
Four canoes competed in the canoe
race, and some great padding was done
to the admiration OF the crowds that
thronged the waterside. Indian Shale's
canoe won the first prize, OF $25, while
Sampson Johns paddlers were but few
feet behind, and were given $40 as a
second prize.
The log rolling contest was the inter.
esting feature of the evening. There
were three ent, les, Chas. Borden, Tom
Durand and Dave Lotkhart. and it took
nearly four hours to decide which was
the best rider Of bronco log. Lockhart
did we'll, but fell off early in the game,
and from that on it was great sport to
watch the efforts OF Borden and Durand
to dislodge each other. They were on a
cedar log, and, as the tide would carry
them up the river, they would be towed
back on their log. The Wishkah river
was alive with boats and the shore lined
with people, and, considering the close
ness o. LDc COllcSt III MAY NC sflu W
| have been the most interesting event of
the day. Az 9 p. H., there being no
chance OF one tumbling the other, the
c)ntest was declared a draw, and the
prize divided between Borden and
Ddranl.
The tug OF war was between the In
dams and Whites, and created great
deal OF interest. The Whites won.
The high dive, from the top of the
/ Heron street bridge by "Megaphone"
Johnson. was an interesting feature.
The sparring match between Spike
lIennessy and Curley Carr, on the stage
erected on Heron street, attracted thou
! sands OF people, who remained to enjoy
a half hour entertainment by the clever
comedians, Fate and LaJoi.
The program ended with an exhibition
by Sid Baxter, who in MS great aerial
bicycle act and slack wire performances,
..eid the attention of large crowd. He
was assisted by Miss Beatrice South
wick.
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1903-07-06
Repulslve Features.

Blackheads, pimples, greasy fac es anc
lnuddy compleXons, which are SO com
mon among women, especially girls at {;
certain age, destroying beauty, dstiglr
ing and making repulsive features which
would otherwise appear attractive anG
refined, indicate that the liver is out O.
order. An occasional dose of Herbint
will cleanse the bowels, regulate the
liver and so establish clear, healthy
complexion. SOC at w. B. Paine & Co
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1903-07-06
Go East Via the N. P. Ry.

On June oath to 30th, July 18th and
10th, and August 25th and Goth, we will
sell round trip tickets to st. Paul, Duluth,
Kansas City, and Missouri River common
points at $4,000; Chicago, $7l.50; st.
Louis, $3.50, AMI other points accord
ingly.
Tickets good for 10 going and 90 days
returning from date of sale. Stop over
privilege on either directions west OF St.
Paul and Missouri River. For full par
ticulars call on,
/. a. BoUDREAuLT, Agent.
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1903-07-06

down the Harbor, completing her deck
load from the Wilson mill, and will
sail tomorrow for Australia.
The steamer Centralia arrived in port
Thursday evening, and took 800, 900 feet
of lumber from the Western mill. and
dropped down to IIoluiam t, finish her
cargo.
The steamer Chehalis sailed Friday
night from the Aberdeen Lumber 4
Shngle mills for San Francisco.
The schooner Sailor Eoy is loading at
the Dryden at Leith mill for san Fran
cisco.
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1903-07-06
Go to Denver Via N. p. Ry.

On July 9Th and 9th, we will sell round
trip tickets to Denver, Colo, for $45. 90,
good until July 18th. and August 3lst re.
turning; stop over privilege either direc-
ton, going via n. P. Ry. and returning
via any line. $3.50 will be added re.
turning via San Francisco.
f.. A. BoUDREAuLT, Agent.
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1903-07-06
Boats and Boat Building.

n. A. Springer is again in business at
his new place foot OF Wishkah street.
Estimates on and contracts taken for
building boats OF any description. Boats
for rent. Parties wishing them on Sun
days will engage in advance. Tim
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1903-07-06
THE TELESCOPE

beautifully illustrated monthly magazine
for Washington stories, facts and fun for Old
and young Twenty-one cash prizes. Send
card for free samrle copy or ten cents in
stamps or silver AT our risk, for years sub
scription to The Telescope, Olympia, Wash.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-08-28
REFUSES TO BE SAVED
FIRST AND BROWNS
Pittsburg Young Man Insists That His
Three Companions Be Rescued.

PITTSBURG, Pa, Aug. 27.-One
man was drowned this evening at New
Hers island dam because he would
not be saved until his three compan-
ions had been rescued,
James II. Ackley, aged twenty -four,
was the drowned man, and his COM
panions, John c. White, Walter Z.
White, his brother, and Ralph Fitzger-
aid, a cousin of the Whites, narrowly
escaped drowning. The young men
were in a skiff, which was drawn by
the undertow into the bear trap, throw
ing the occupants into the water.
Rescuers reached Ackley first, but he
insisted upon the saving of the others
before he would accept help. Ackley.
overcome by exhaustion, was drowned
while the others were being taken to
the shore
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-08-28
LAWYERS DISAGREE
ON TRUST QUESTION
Committee Report to American
Bar Association Causes
CommotlOn.

HOT SPRINGS, Va, Aug. 81. = AT
the session of the American Bar aSso-
citation today Walter S. Logan, of New
York. made verbal report from the
committee on commercial law. he
commended the national bankrupt law,
and then discussed the trust question.
He said it would have to be settled
by the lawyers; if they did not the
demagogues would. If combinations
continue competition will cease and
commercial Jurisprudence will eventu-
ally be entirely changed. The COM
mittee, he said, had reached the unanl-
NOUS conclusion that modern indus
trial combinations should be stayed.
Charles F. Henderson, of Nebraska,
said the report of the committee had
filed him with amaZement, surprise
and indignation. He said the report
was calculated to rend the association
aSunder and he resented the attempt
to turn the body into a political hust-
ings.
The convention agreed to hear the
report at once. 1t was read by Chair
man Logan.
On the subject of trusts, the report
says this is the most important ques-
ton now before the American bar. 1t
SAYS combina tons are rapidly driving
out of business the small dealer and
the small producer. These two classes
heretofore have furnished the largest
number of petitioners in bankruptcy
courts. But now Industrial combina-
tons of gigantic magnitude, too large
for a bankruptcy court to manage and
too rich to need ever to be called be-
fore it, have been substituted. The re-
port adds:
Combinations Discussed.
1.-The modern combinations primary
object is to control trade and COM
merce in plain articles of production
and substitute a monopoly in place of
free competition. 1t changes entirely
the basic principle of commercial re-
latfons between man and man, and IL
they are to continue to grow and de-
velop in the future as in the past, will
render necessary most important
changes in the principles Of our COM
mercial laws. Combination as an
economic force is fast coming to take
the place of competition. Workmen
are refusing to compete for jobs La
Dor unions are charging the spheres
of their activity and extending their
operations. The union of the employ
ers is still stronger and more far
reaching than the union of the work
men. We are now having combina-
lions of combinations"
The United States Steel corporation
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-08-28

fine the offending corporation to such
an extent as will make it offer its goods
for sale in fact instead of in pretense.
if it chooses to enter into trade. He
recommended an amendment to the
constitution giving congress power to
appropriate legislation to suppress and
prevent dishonest competition in trade.
There was very animated discus
sion over motion to table the report.
It was agreed that the report should
be taken up at the night session. 5.
At the night session resolutlon OF
fered by F. N. Judson, of Missouri, di-
recting that the report be committed.
with Instructions to the committee to
report remedies for Illegal eombina7
lions which threaten commercial IN
tercourse, was adopted. This action Is
regarded as a victory for the party
which commended that the subject OF
trusts is an appropriate one for the as
ISOLATION to consider.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-08-28

a little the better of it. for the capture of
Long Island was considered more impor-
tant than the destruction of the seventeen
vessels. Long Island has been declared
out of the game until tomorrow night at
o'clock The big searchlights will not
be working. which will be of almost in
estimable value to the navy. On the other
hand, after sunset the destroyed Warsh1ps
went back into commission again. The
Hartford fought with the fleet, and al
though a training ship has been used as
cruiser evidently.
The movements last night and early
TODAY were not of great Importance. None
of the big ships took part. Several OF
the gunboats and small cruisers tried to
get landing parties on the various fort1-
fications. but they were repulsed. No reg
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-08-28
Parks Goes to Sing Sing.

NEW YORK, Aug. 27.-SamueI Parks,
walking delegate of the Housesmiths and
Bridgemen's union, convicted of extor-
ton was taken to Sing Sing today. 1t
was said at the district attorneys Of
fee today that at least three employers
will he prosecuted 1t was said that these
men had aided and abetted Parks in ex-
torting money from other contractors.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-08-28
NAVY FINALLY GETS
SOME ADVANTAGE
Capture of Long Island Deemed More
important Than Destruction of Ships.

PORTLAND, Me-, Aug. 27.-The events
and deve1opments in the war game to-
day were considered the most important
since the hostile fleet first appeared on
Portland The navy made grand coup
in the capture of Long Island in the fore
noon. while the army made a spectacular
play in the destruction of all the seven
teen opposing ships that attacked the
coast defenses in the afternoon
The navy, however. seems to have had
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-08-28
IDE WILL BE MADE
VICE GOVERNOR
He VIII Succeed Luke Wright In the
Philippine Office.

OYSTER BAY, LII, Aug. 27-President
Roosevelt announced tonight that Henry
q Ide. at present member of the Phil
innine commission. would be designated
as vice governor when Gen. Luke Wright
assumes the office of governor general
The president has selected man to MI
the vacancy made in the personnel of the
commission. and has proffered the COM
missionerships to him. No answer to the
offer. however. has been received, and
unless this is received the name OF the
man selected win not be made known.