Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1903-08-26
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superlative. better not.-Detroit Free
Press.
How did you enjoy the play last
night?" "Oh, it was just diyine-I
never cried SO much in my lifer'
Ted-"Most firms prefer to hire
married man." Ned-"And most girls
won't marry you unless you have
job"
Ella-"But surely you are not going
to marry against your parents
wishes?" Flo-''Why not? Did they
marry to please me?''
Willie-"Pa, an agriculturist is jist
man that works farm, amt it7"
Pa-"Sometimes, my son, he's man
who works city boarders."
She-"Why has Boston the name of
being such II bad city,? He-"Be-
cause of the number of crooks in the
streets, SUPPOSE Lam
pooh.
Farmer-"see here, boy! What are
you doing up that apple tree?" Kid
Cant yer see nothing? One of yer
apples fell off de tree an I'm tying 1t
on again!"
Faith, Mrs. o'Hara, how dye till
thin twins apart:" law, tits aisy-I
sticks me finger in Dinnis mouth. an
if he bites know it's Moike."-Har-
ward Lampoon.
Margaret, ] think you cheaper your
self by going SO much to the theater
with Mr.. Jones'" NO. mother; on the
contrary, I'm making myself very
dear."-Harvard Lampoon.
Doctor-Do think can cure your
catarrh? Why, I'm sure of 1t. Pa
tient-So you IRE very familiar with
the disease? Doctor-I should say SO!
I've had 1t myself all my life.-Judge.
Mrs. Talkyer-B Blind can say some of
the most cutting things" Yes. If she
could only keep her mouth closed for
five minutes you could have her arrest.
ed for carrying concealed weapons
Life.
Mrs. Uppmann-I must tell you, De-
Tia, that l was displeased at your en-
tertaining that policemanyin the kitch-
en- last night. Delia-Fnith. OF did AK
him into the parlor, ma'am, but he
wouldn't go.--Philadelphia Press.
Bellows-Does your daughter play
on the piano? Old Farmer lin tones
of deep disgust)-No. sir. She works
on 1t, pounds on 1t, rakes 1t, scrapes
1t, jumps on it, and rolls over on 1t;
but there's no play about 1t. sir.-Tit-
Bits.
Mr.. Quarles-"Well, see old Gold
man is dead, and leaves upward Of
three millions. Wouldn't you like to
be his widow?" Mrs. Quarles Sweet
ly)-"No, dear, nothing could possibly
delight me more than to be yours
Public Ledger.
Done in oil: Miss DeAuber tan anna
teur artfst)-Have you ever been done
in oil. Mr.. Marks? Mr.. Marks Well.
guess yes. Miss DeAnber-And who
was the artist2 Mr.. -Marhs-A Artist
nothing! 1t was promoter that did
me.-Chicago News.
what Is that car coupled behind
the Presidential train7v asked the tall
reporter THAT is the photograph
car" said the traip>hand Photograph:
carr" Yes; It contains the pictures OF
all the big families in the West
Chicago Daily News.
Whats up, old man? / never cav
you look SO haggard." 1.-THE S'teenth
Bank is up; that's what's up. And my
deposits gone up with it." oh, I
wouldn't let thing like that upset
me-" "I'm not upset; merely lost my
balance Philadelphia Press.
"Well. there is one thing that can be
said Of Crawfoot Although he went
fishing himself on the sabbath no
didn't let his little son fish" ~ mn
glad to hear that. WINS the boy at
Sunday SCHOOL," "No, batting the
hooks. Chicago Daily News.
Master-"What! Both want holt
day tomorrow? can't spare you both
at once. Mary, you can have to-mor-
row, and John the next day" john
THANK you, sir, but we wanted to get
married, and I'm afraid, sir, 1t can't
be done that way, but I'll inquire"
Mother-"Tommy, what's the matter
with your little brother?' Tommy
Hes crying because I'm eating my
cake and won't give him any" Moth
er-"Is his own cake finished?" Tom
my-"Yes'm. and he cried Willie was
eatln' that, too."-Philadelphia Ledger.
"NIy plea" said the young lawyer,
who had just won his first case, seem
ed to strongly affect the jury" Yes"
replied the judge. II was afraid at
one time that you would succeed In
getting your client convicted in spite
Of his MISUNDERSTANDING Record
Herald.
Poor child: ~ hear Jack Kandor
was here to see the baby" said Mr..
Hoamley. YES" his wife replied. ~
suppose the first thing he said was:
'He looks just like his fathery" mo:
the first thing he said was Good heav-
ems! Then he said that."-Philadcl-
phia Press
i Old Doctor-"So you think my daugh-
ter's happiness is safe III your hands,
eh?" Young Doctor-"I know SHE loves
me, and do not see how could live
without her" Old Doctor We'll, you
are young man of good character.
and will give my consent on one
condition" Young Doctor-"Namei it,.
Old Doctor-''It is that when she is i'll
you won't try to doctor her yourself"
-Tit-Bits.
Cold April Every 100 Years.
i French meteorologists have worked
out the theory that exceptionally frlg-
i'd Aprlls occur at intervals of exactly
100 years. In April, 1903, the cutters
We're frozen and snow fell iii Paris.
In April, 1903, the price of wood rose
and people died of cold In the streets,
while chronicler Of the period writes: