davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Savannah morning news., 1903-10-04

tiora Eos breakfast I'd drink the
pint of hot water the maid brought for
my bath and eat five pence worth of
butter scotch out of the slot machine
l gave up luncheon altogether and for
dinner I'd have d little table d'hote of
my own invention consisting of a hor
d'ouvre of crackers, an entree of tup-
pence worth of pepsin tablets, a roast
consisting of slice of pound cake, and
a few caramels for dessert"
You gave up game altogether" said
the Bibliomaniac.
NO" said the Idiot. IF my system
craved game I played solitaire"
How were the beds?' asked Mrs.
Pedagog.
Most impressive" said the idiot.
THE mattresses were so soft that when
you threw yourself down on the mid
die of them it was like diving into the
ocean. l never got into mine with
out an air cushion to keep me from go
ing under"
"And plenty of bed clothes?" quer-
led Mrs. Pedagog.
well, there were not many blank
ets,'' said the Idiot. but every bed had
a heavily draped canopy over the head
of it, so that while you might freeze
you were always certain that if the
ceiling fell only your legs would be
broken. Your head was safe"
you spoke a few moments ago about
the hot water for your bath. Are there
no bath tubs in British hotels?" asked
Mr.. Whitechoker.
YES" said the Idiot "All well regu-
lated British Hotels have at least two
For a shilling You can get bath in a
stationary tub, but modest gentlemen
like myself, find the required course
of procedure embarrassing. The aV-
erage man does not look like a Greek
god in the modern bath robe and the
architects of British hotels fix mat
tiers so that to get from ones room
to the bath tub 1t is necessary for the
criminal to walk about a mile and q
half through a densely populated cor
ridor, the center of all observers.
didn't mind having to run the gaunt-
let of Duchesses, Countesses, Earlesses
and Baronettas, but when two lively
American girls saw fit to giggle at my
red cretonne bath robe and bronze slip
pers / decided to battle after the man.
ner of the country"
(Which is?' asked Mrs. Pedagog.
ITO dive head first into a pint of hot
water in a big tin can modelled after
an armchair without legs said the
idiot, land to finish up the job with a
crash towel about six yards square
made of sand paper. 1t is not an ex-
hilarating diversion, and involves a
wicked waste of hot water. AS for me,
/ stood it as long as l could and then
fed to Henley, where 1 hired canoe,
went out on the Thames, upset my
The Savannah morning news., 1903-10-04

homes, which stand on sites where
once their fathers grubbed up roots
for breakfast.
1t is a peculiar fact that these full
blOoded and half-breed families do not
readily take to the luXuries of the
white man in some respects. No mat
ter how large and sumptuOusly fur
nshed their homes may be, the bed
rooms are always fitted out with al
most Spartan simplicity. The men
sleep on small hard cots. over which
sheep skin or blankets are spread. No
mattresses, sheets or spreads add to
their comfort.
An American, who once spent a
week at the home of one of these Dig
ger ranchers and wine growers, says:
His home was supplied with every
civilized article of comfort and adorn-
ment. The young rancher himself was
a college graduate and had Travelled eX-
tensively. He could discuss literature
as inteligently as he could speak on
cattle raising, and his tastes were
every bit as refined as those of his
American neighbors.
zone day an old Indian squaw APP
peared and stopped at the house for
several days. Her hair was long and
The Savannah morning news., 1903-10-04

lars to spare instead of going to Eu-
rope as they had previously done, took
a personally conducted tour through
the operating room at Roosevelt Hos
pital. The result was that the fare to
and from Europe fell about so per cent.
and l took advantage of it, giving out
to my friends, however, that L had en-
ployed the famous DR.. Digaway of New
York to cut a subway in my right
side
You are a base deceiver," said Mrs.
Pedagog 1--WE were all very much
worried about you here"
Yes" CALCULATED the Bibliomanic. 81
was afraid you'd live, and come back to
us fuller of ether than ever My worst
fears are realized!'
well, l was punished all right" said
the Idiot, smiling affectionately at the
Bibliomanic. Next time 1 have the
choice of Roosevelt Hospital and a Lon
don hotel you'll find me wearing a
Roosevelt button. There's nothing cures
a man of Anglomania quicker than a
London hotel. and alongside of its ter
rors those of appendicitis are as trivial
as the bubbles that transform the Jer-
sey cider of our ancestors into the
golden French champagnes for which
we pay 81 a quart under the delusion
that while drinking it we are seeing
life
What hotel did you stop at?" asked
Mr.. Whitechoker
1T shall be nameless," replied the
Idiot 81 have enemies, Mr.. White
choker, and 1 delight in thinking that
some day they will go abroad and stay
a week at that home of all modern in
conveniences, with cold water running
from the hot and cold faucets at all
hours of the day and night, and an ele-
vator that goes up every other Thurs
day morning at o'clock, returning
the following Sunday at Midnight
- twas If first-class? demanded the
Wibliomaniac.
""It was so nominated in the adver-
tisement, and regarded as a penal In
stitution. / think it was AL. There
was more punishment for five dollars
a day in that place to the square inch
than can be found in square mile OF
Sing Sing at no expense to the patron.
The Savannah morning news., 1903-10-04

craft and had good soak without eX-
ira charge. If the Henley people knew
my real object they would doubtless
have made me pay half crown for
the use of their river but ! kept my
secret. This | did once a week dur
ing the balance of my stay in London
and managed to keep tolerably COM
Portable"
Did you see any Kings when you
were abroad?" asked the Anglomaniac.
"Slews of them" said the Idiot.
This same hotel was full of 'em.
There was a Lard King from Chicago.
a Coal Emperor from Pennsylvania,
and a Prince Imperial Of Tramways
from New York. in the room next to
mine, but they kept sober most of the
time and never bothered me much"
Il judge from your remarks that on
the whole you don't think much Of the
English Hotel as an institution" said
Mr.. Whitechoker.
"Well, it all depends" said the Idiot.
"As a substitute for home | can't
say that l yearn for it, but as a sure
cure ] am confident it cannot be
. beaten
"A sure cure?" demanded the Anglo
maniac. For what, pray?"
"Anglomania," said the Idiot, but
even then it has its drawbacks" he
added. "Anglomania is a disease and
not a crime and / am not sure that
the treatment in the British Hotel
cure would not be such as to bring ii
within the jurisdiction of the Society
| for the Prevention Of Cruelty to
! Animals"
The Savannah morning news., 1903-10-04

braves have secretly admitted that the
women had a great deal to do with
the tribes abandonment of the cos
tunes of their forefathers.
Our women" said one of the bucks
recently, got hold of the illustrated
womens papers and magazines and
saw all sorts of white women's clothes
in them. Then they got to thinking
that blankets and an occasional calico
slip were not good enough for them,
and longed for the dresses they'd seen
in the magazines. Well, you know the
women of the Six Nations have al
ways run the tribes and elected the
chiefs, and so they got sewing ma
chimes and made themselves white
women's dresses.
when they got dressed up in them,
they saw that our blankets and their
cloth skirts didn't go well together
Well, the women have always govern
ed the Six Nations, and before long
we were wearing store clothes, just
like the white men,"
1t is true that the Mohawk women
took the lead in adopting modern dress,
and they have become such skillful
sewers and follow the fashions so close
ly that they rival the white women
of adjacent towns in sartorial matters.
On the oath of last May, when the
Six Nations gathered in Brantford to
celebrate the Kings birthday, the
wives of the provincial officials who
were present expressed their astonish-
ment at finding hundreds of full-blood-
ed and half-breed Indian women and
girls parading before them in tailor
cut coats, Shirt-waists and cloth skirts
of walking length, with their hair done
up in the approved styles beneath up
to-date millinery creations.
This adoption of the white mans
garb the agents say, has made the
Six Nations turn with greater energy
to the white mans ways of living, and
everywhere improvement has been
noted in the towns and on the farms,
where barn raisings are numerous,
modern implements multiplying and,
in several cases, steam plows being
used
But while many of the white mans
ways entered into the makeup of the
Six Nations Indian when he put
white mans clothing on his back.
some aboriginal customs still cling to
him. Thus it comes about that when
ever a Mohawk or Iroquois brave
wants to summon his wedding guests
he secures a purple grain of corn,
passes quietly among a crowd of his
fellows and slips the grain for a mo-
ment into the hand of him whom he
desires as a guest at the festivities.
The Six Nations bride has not yet
fallen in love with the printed we'd
ding card, even though her mother is
deeply offended whenever any one
refers to her, in the good old Indian
ways, as a squaW.
The Savannah morning news., 1903-10-04

But as a Hotel-well it was one part
Hote and ninety-nine parts L. I'm
like most penitentiarties, however, it
seemed to have no principal keeper. 1t
was run by three sleepy porters who
seemed to regard a request for infor
nation as a base intrusion upon their
privacy and a complaint as a personal
insult; and about twenty supercilious
small boys demoninated pages who
spent most of their time going about
the corridors calling out room num-
bers in some hitherto undiscovered
Argon tongue. They do this as an ex-
cuse for not delivering letters and tel
egrame for twenty-four hours after
their receipt. In an American hotel if
you don't like thing you can gener-
ally lind somebody to kick for the
shortening, but in a London hotel
you've got to take it out on a Bureau
as they call it--not a piece of furniture
with drawers in it and silver-backed
hair brushes on top. but a committee
of liVeried functionaries who don't
care whether you like it or not. It's
about as satisfactory as whacking a
telegraph pole because the Western
Union people have not sent an import
ant message"
How about the table? The English
appear to be well fed people," OBJ
served Mr.. WnltecnOCkef.
1.-The English are used to the kind
of food they get" said the Idiot AS
for me there is as much nourishment
in a basket of shavings as in the aver
age table d'hote dinner at a London
Hotel. This meal is not square hut
long. 1t consists of nineteen little
dabs OF everything in general without
enough of anything in particular.
From the three brass oysters with
which it opens to the slate rooted tart
that brings it to a close you get IN
endless succession of samples smoth-
cred in sauces that compels yonf di.
gestion to work overtime if it proposes
to keep up with the game"
"Is there no 4lternative?" asked Mr..
Whitechoker.
Yes. For foui dollars you can get
seven varieties of cold neat, a cup of
tea, a piece Of cold t. asst and a pa per
weight popula:.v know.l as an English
muffin. You'v either got to turn your
stomach into Il cold storage warehouse
or go hungry if you can't sand the
table dhote.'
"I'n wager you n. yer went hungry
with anything ever remotely resem-
bling food within reach" growls1 the
lawyer, observing with some irritation
that the Idiot had appropriated his
breakfast roll
NO" agreed the idiot. Il didn't,
but it was terrible trial nevertheless.
Toward the end of my stay gave up
hotel meals altogether and patronized
the slot machines at the railway sta
The Savannah morning news., 1903-10-04
MAN AND WOMAN-A FABLE.

Once upon a time a man loved a
woman so much that he was sincere
when he told her he believed she was
noble' and good, says the New York
Press. The woman flushed with pleas
ure, but she said:
Il am not what you think I am, and
some day you will find me out"
The man smiled indulgently, and so
pleased was he with the woman's mod
esty that at frequent intervals he re-
peated that she was noble and good
And each time the woman replied:
II am not what you think | am, and
some day you will find me out"
At last the man ceased to tell the
woman she was noble and good, and
the woman asked anxiously:
"Do you still think as much of me
as you used to Think"
YES" the man said.
The woman said: Soon you will
find me out"
Again the woman asked: do you
think as much of me as you used to
Think"
The man frowned with annoyaneA
The Savannah morning news., 1903-10-04

and said: 81 see that you were right"
And the woman was that angry she
dismissed the man from her pres
ence.
In sore perplexity the man went to
an ancient sage and said 20 sage,
interpret this thing unto me. The will
fulness of a woman is beyond my poor
understanding. How is 1t, pray. that
she dismisses a man for agreeing with
what she oft repeated?"
The sage answered him, saying:
THE woman was not willful, neither
were you to blame. Your love for her
animated that which was highest in
her, and we see only what we animate.
But she, feeling the animating power
of your love, looked into her own soul
and saw that she was far from what
she might be. She measured herself
by the grandeurs possible to the soul
and found herself wanting. But 1t was
not until she saw the fatal result of
cheapening herself by her denials that
she realized the folly of condemning
either oneself or another by such a ter
rife standard, and she dismissed you
The Savannah morning news., 1903-10-04

bedraggled her face black and wrin-
killed., and her bare feet were wrapped
in cotton bandages in lieu of stockings
She could not even speak English be-
yond a few laconic expressions picked
up from miners and trappers. She was
type of the old Digger squaw of years
ago.
Who's the old woman I asked.
My aunt, replied the young man.
She came down here to rest up after
"A long spree. The tribes just had a
feast to celebrate the chiefs marriage,
and they all got pretty sick on white
mans fire water. They don't under
stand the art of mixing cocktails
yet
Most of the new style Diggers, how
ever, have severed all relationship with
The Savannah morning news., 1903-10-04
THE GENIAL IDIOT
ON BRITISH HOTELS.
BY JOHN KENDRICK BANGS.
Copyright, 1908, by John Russell Davidson.

Well" said the Idiot as he gazed out
of the window at the dense fog that
as the Irishman observed hid every
thing in sight. IF we were only in dear
old London now we'd call this another
beautiful morning"
i certainly wish you were there"
SAID the Bibliomanic, who had got up
on the wrong side of the bed and had
no use for anybody, the Idiot least of
all. We might have at least one silent
breakfast in that event"
You should take your meals at the
zoo with the Anaconda, Mr.. Bib" sug-
sested the Idiot. Il am told he will
eat whole mule without even saying
good morning to his wife. AS for my
SELL am glad to be here at our dear
MIS- Pedagog's unequaled breakfast
taule' where the butter is fresh as the
Iilorillng star, the biscuit as tender to
me touch as a wOmans cheek, and the
eoIee as steaming as the subway after
d ooller explosion. None of your Lon
uon LOT me with a breakfast or boiled
llIarInalade and cold toast. Pirate not
OF residence in the British capital to
me Wnen one has to put an ash sitter
~ MS throat to keep the soft coal out
Oh ms lungs. Sing not to me the songs
od readily where the good old Ameri-
IAN language is ruthlessly murdered
evsry time Britain opens his mouth
snu where the street cleaning bureau
TTAApends millions annually sweeping up
~ ~ from the 'ighway, for I'll none of
H. I've tried London once and for
~. .he II mas become that bourne to which
tn!s traveller ne'er returns
w. Wnen did you go abroad?" asked
:. Nine years ago last July" returned
the Idiot
Why, I thought YOU were in the
hospital being operated upon for APP
penGlcitls that year. said the lawyer.
mat is what / gave out" said the
. .ulot. You see the fad that year in
soclety was appendicitis. Nobody
amounted :. to anything who hadn't had
~ ana everybody with thosand dol
The Savannah morning news., 1903-10-04

their barbarian relations. and give
their blanketed tribesmen scant
courtesy.
The New Alaskan Indians.
The Alaska Indians have also shown
a remarkable tendency to adopt civ
ilized ways within the last ten years.
In California there are many full
bloods from Alaska tribes studying in
the public schools, and several have
entered the state university, where
thew have shown remarkable intelli-
gence. A Swedish trader named Sam
dalin, whose post is at Kamtschatka.
has been instrumental in sending down
to San Francisco numbers of children
of prominent chiefs, all of whom has
become cultivated citizens of this
country. Others have come of their
The Savannah morning news., 1903-10-04
BABIES ARE NO LONGER
\ STRAPPED ON Boards :

1t isn't ''Lo! the poor Indian" any
more. Nor is the white mans CUSTOM
ary mental picture of the noble red
man. wrapped in a dirty blanket. with
red earth on his jowls, and the tail
feathers of eagles stuck in his hair, any
longer correct.
Instead, it is now 10! the new In
dian" and the picture must be changed
from one of aboriginal picturesque
ness to that of civilized conventional
ity-the descendant of a hundred
braves clothed in frock coat and striped
trousers, high hat. boiled shirt, stand
Ing collar and cravat, and patent
leather shoes. And the bow has given
way to the steam pillow, the tepee to
the house. and the war pony to the
work horse.
1t is a change, according to the sci
entsts and others who have studied
the Indians for years, that has come
about. with one or two exceptions
as for instance. the Cherokees-with-
in the last decade, or even less, and
that has been wrought almost stimuli
taneously in tribes not infrequently
separated from one another by hun
dreds of miles.
The only explanation they can offer
for this sudden transition from a semi
barbaric state to one of modernity-
this utter confounding of those who
have held that no Indian could be
civilized, and that the only good In
dian is the dead Indian is based on
logic For over a century, says the
scientists, the Indians of America have
been Systematically subjected by the
government to the processes of civili-
cation. They opposed it, fought it all
along and as insistently decreased in
numerical strength and power. They
were persistent in clinging to tradi-
ton; but now, after all these years,
they have seemingly arrived at the
conclusion in their own way that to be
saved they, the remnants of once pow
ertul tribes, must conform at last to
the white mans way. 1t is simply the
natural law of self-preservation as
Serting itself.
The Revolution Among the Six Ma
tions.
Be that as it may, the scientists who
are noting the change with wonder
have found no sharper contrast be-
tween TWO successive generations OF
Indians than that displayed by the Six
Nations on their reservation in Can
ada, whittier they emigrated a hun
dred years ago from New York state,
in order to throw in their lot with the
British
These Indians were among the first
to come within the influence of the
white man, but it is only within the
last few years that both Christians
and Pagans among them have dis
carded the blanket and the feathered
head-dress for trousers and felt hats.
The change has been so universal that
II would seem to be the result of pre-
concerted action, but the Indians and
the agents deny that such is the case.
On the other hand, not a few of the
The Savannah morning news., 1903-10-04


Line.
Another striking example of the
new Indian is found in California
among the Diggers, long considered
the most degenerate of the North
American red men.
Many a Digger still lives on worms
and grasshopper pies, but he is usu-
ally of the dying generation. The
large majority of the members of the
present generation has departed abb
solutely from the revolving ways of
their fathers, and are living in the
white mans way This is true of as
many full-blooded Diggers as of those
that have white blood in their veins;
and neither class is small, numerical
ly.
These Diggers have been more sue
cessful in agricultural pursuits and i'll
cattle raising than their white neigh
bors. This is especially true of the
half breed descendants of Digger wom-
en- and early California miners, who,
failing at gold hunting, took up ranch
ing. There are many wealthy men
among them, who tour Europe and
buy works of art to decorate their
The Savannah morning news., 1903-10-04

"A dispatch from Kalamazoo, Mich,
to the Indianapolis News reads:
horde of humble bees invaded the cam
ming factory of Dunkley & Co., at South
Haven, where about 100 employees, men
and women, were at work. Many were
stung, and fed, panic-strucken, the
women throwing their aprons over
their heals. The men got torches and
attempted to fight the bees, but they
were quickly put to rout Toward
night the bees vacated the premises.
and work was resumed. The bees re-
turned next day, and again compelled
the shutting down of the plant. To-
day they seemed to have disappeared.
but many of the employees were so
badly stung that they were unable to
work. Where so many bees came from
is a mystery, but they were undoubt-
eddy attracted by the sweet syrup used
in canning.
The Savannah morning news., 1903-10-04

own voIition. and have returned to
spread enlightenment among their own
people, and now the Indians around
Fort wrangle. Kodiak, Sitka and
Kan1tschatka are anything but bar
barous and the traveller in the rar
North sees whole communities OF red
men who wear the garb of Western
civilization with the ease Of the Occl-
dental himself.
The Red Ranchers of Southern CAL
fOrnia.
Like their far-away brothers In
Alaska, the full-blooded red men OF
Southern California are also fast &C
quiring new ways.
These Indians were Christianized
a centudy ago by the Spanish padres.
Father Jumpero Sierra was especially
active in converting the red heathens.
But converting them to Christianity
and bringing them into state OF slav-
cry meant about the same thing with
him. Thus the poems Of the early mis-
sions were civilized only in that they
were not hostile to white men. They
titled the soil for the monks as the
villains of medieval times did for their
baronial masters, but education did not
enter into the contract. On the con-
trary, it was avoided as dangerous.
It was left to the Americans within
the last two decades to, teach the
Southern California Indians real civili-
cation, which they did by throwing
open schools and colleges to them, and
now they form part of the population
worthy of respect and consideration.
Most of these civilized poems are ranch
ers and fruit raisers. From their old
Spanish masters they took Spanish
names as Rodriguez. Vallejo, Ramirez
and Sanchez. which gives the superficial
tourist the impression that these pure
red men are the children of old Span
| ish settlers. They are not so energetic
or partial to academic studies as the
reformed Diggers up state, but in their
own way they are just as thoroughly
civilized.
An Odd Phase of Indian CiviIiza"
ton.
In Arizona, New Mexico and parts
| of Colorado another phase of Indian
civilization is visible. Here the bucks
still go to town in blankets and long
hair; it is in the home life that the
change is most apparent. They live
in comfortable wooden houses, farm
the land by white mans methods have
the latest patented kind of plows,
harrows, sewers and reapers drive
about in modern farm wagons behind
spans of mules harnessed according
TO Eastern HneluOuSi anu hcep tuCih-
selves informed of the rise and fall Of
the markets. When working on their
farms they dress in the ordinary over
alls and jumpers of the American farm
hand.
These are a few examples of the
evolution of the new Indian. So wide
spread has been this change from the
old to the new that when the pro-
moters of the Indian shows to be
given at the st. Louis Exhibition
made their contracts with the Indians
they stipulated in the agreements that
the noble red man should appear ex-
clusively in the garb that is INSOFAR
ably connected with the Indian, anc
l not on frock coats and top hats.