The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1903-10-13
IARGON OF BUSINESS |
Commercial Letters Too Often
Weary When They Should Be
Gracefully Winning.
A Detailed Criticism on the Chicago
Letter Submitted to Journal !
Readers.

It seems passing strange that bust
ness men have such a fancy for the
favors," 'the same" and other hack
neyed and wornout phrases and terms.
They cannot conceive how tiresome
they become to the common reader,
who sees them used formally in every
successive letter he receives; and II
he happens to receive many from the
same house, as in the case OF mali
order business, the impression is like
ly to be harmful in the extreme.
There is nothing wrong in speaking
Of "your esteemed favor" but the ha-
bitual use of the phrase on all oc-
casions shows poverty of words.
There are many natural and easy ways
of beginning a letter. Il
Another almost universal fault is
the error of grammar in introducing
business letter with Replying to your
favor yet taking no pains whatever
to connect "replying,' participle
with an adjective relation, to any noun
sentence by itself-a sentence minus
subject and predicate. If a letter be-
gins with replying the participle
should logically be followed by 1--WE
would say or the like, since 1--WE" are
replying, and in reply we wish to ''say"
something. But it is not at all
necessary to begin a letter with 're-
plying" "
Another trick of business men is to
clip out the pronouns A letter begins
replying to yours Of the Doth, would
say" etc. This trick is to letter writ
rng what mouthing and dropping syl-
tables is to conversation. 1t lacks dig
nifty, indicates a slovenly habit, the
exact reverse Of that impression of the
well-bred man, with, a, vast reserve
power, who takes time to do a, thing
we'll. >- ~
A business letter is assubstitute for
a personal interview, and should have
the qualities of the voice Of a good
salesman. 1t may be colloquial Lit
erary stiffness is not in place. But
it should be correct, just as the con-
versatiOn of a salesman should be cor
rect, and it should be natural, pol
ished, winning. The first step toward
making a business letter really easy
is to get rid of the stereotyped forms,
those phrases which are used again
and again till they tire the reader of
the letter to death. '-.. ~
Many of T h e J our n rs readers,
who sent in a corrected version of a
Chicago letter submitted for their
criticism last week, succeeded in find
ing most if not all of the real errors of
punctuation, grammar, etc., but none
so changed the letter as to make it
easy and graceful, tactful and winning.
The following criticism shows to a
certain extent how this may be done.
Points already made have not been
| repeated, even when the error has
been repeated: The student should
try to reconstruct the whole letter so
that it will be easy, natural and tact
ful-a letter that will bring a. Gus
| toner and hold him.
Correspondents are asked to accept
this criticism as a general answer to
their letters. They will probably re-
| ce1Ve individual replies a little later.
qs. # The Original Letter. e.. i
.5at ii5saEo 1856 Wabash Ave, Chicago, :
s.Zr *as July, ~ 80, 1903.
Mr.. Henry Adams (2) 5S,
Is sedalia ST., St. Louis, Mo-, 60
Dear Sir (4)
Replying to your esteemed favors (5) O,
the 18th and Goth insts. (6), if you viii
return the goods to us, we will refund
your money CD. We guarantee that the
material and workmanship of every gun
we send out is (s) of the best.
Replying to another letter of your.
which seems to have no date, please g,
send us full description of the camping
outfit you want. and we will (10) be very
(11) pleased to quote you prices. You will
find some excellent outfits described in ou1
catalogue on pages 1920.
! We note that you do not seem to under
stand very we'll our methods of handling
orders. Q2) If you will look on pages
and 10 Of our catalogue (13) you will FIND
some useful suggestions, which we would
be pleased to have you follow.
We are always very pleased (14) to re
fund money if goods are not satisfactory
and to answer all inquiries promptly. D,
not hesitate to write us freely.
! Trusting we can arrange the matter o
the gun to your satisfaction, and NEE
your desires for camping outfits etc., w,
remain,
Very respectfully (15) yours,
| ". Simpkins & Co.
= Notes and Questions.
10 Observe the punctuation o
the heading and date Of this letter
No comma is required after the month
only after the day of the month
! (2) Always use some complimentar!
title, but never two, as 'Mr
Henry Adams, Esq" use a comm;
! after the name. CD At this poin
either a period or. a semicolon may b.
used. "a At this point either a colon
colon and dash, or comma and dash
the same time-worn form. Begi1
your letter in an easy, natural way
and omit "esteemed," except when i
is really required for some specia
reason. Say, for example, I'VE hav
carefully read your letters of the 15t]
and 20th,'' etc. CO Inst is a Lati1
adverb and can have no plural form
}, CD Notice that the first sentence o
this letter is not logical or grammati
cal. It should read, Replying :.
we would say that it, etc. Wha
, error of grammar? Two subjects re
/ quire plural verb-are.' co. File
} out, this sentence reads, "(We) re
plying (you) please.
dramatically incorrect. (1O) Us
''shall'-does not mean, 1--WE are will
ing to be very much pleased" I'll