The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1903-05-14
DER GERMAN COBBLER.
The Plumber Gives Him a Pointer
That Brine Trouble.

Come in und see der cobbIer He
vhili gif you advice free,
You see how she vhas. Hans p he
says. If you gif somepody advice
free he Will bring you all his shoes to
TX oop, ind 50 you make one foot wash
der odder. I do dot vhay When I Was
a poor man. und it brings me in feefty
jobs
It seems dot vhay to me. und I open
my shop early in der morning und vhas
all ready for customers when a man
comes in ind says:
"Cobbler, see it vhas free advice
around here. like some of it. owe
a doctors bill of $50 I don't want to
pay him. If / moot over to New Jersey
Will I be all right?''
4 can't say aboudt dot" I says.
But Why not? Dot sign says adj
vice"
1T vhas some odder advice. It vhas
advice TO you not to get drunk und lick
your wife,
.Oh, see You advice ind you don't
advice. Well, 1 hat some advice to gift
you for nottings. You vhas an cid liar
und fraud, ind if you Will come out
doors 1 shall make your heels break
your neck
In fife minutes a womans comes in.
She hat black eye und vhas weeping.
It vhas two minutes before she can
speak 10 me. und den she says:
'Cobbler, 1 can't live dis way no
/ longer. Vhas ready to go und drown
myself. like some advice about my
husband, ind if you gift it to me you
shall hat all my shoes to mend.
Did your husband gift you dot black
eye2''
He did. und he pulls my hair ind
throws me down stairs. Shall run
AWAY from him und marry somepoiy
else, or shall / stay on und be killed 81
7 Will tell you how it vhas,' 1 says
You go by der police court ind git
some warrants und hat dot OLD william
sent to jail und disgraced. He vhas
I only some loafers.'
What? You call my husband
7 do. A man who Will strike a
womans is a brute. und should be in
4 jail
How dare you talk like dot to me?"
she yeils, ash she grows red in der face
I like you to understand, sir, dot my
husband vhas one Of der best men IN
dis wide world, und 1 vhas no woman
to hear somepOdy abuse him
But don't he black your eye?
He does; but 1 try to black his
He throws you down stairs"
But try 10 push him out OF der
window"
s.Vhen. it vhas my free advice to you
dot he vhas a great big 1oafer. und If
you don't put him in jail you
stop. If you say one word more,
shall pull out all der hair on your mead
/ Csobbler YOU Vhas one Of der meaneSt
men [ ever met, und I shall go bare
foot ten years before l snail let you
fix my shoes fer me. 1 vhill tel my
husband. und he Will come here und
make you whoOp."
I pellet shall take dot sign AWAY.
but before I can Go so an old bum
comes in. 7 try to keep him oudt, but
he sits down und begins to cry und
says:
vice for more ash three months, und
NAV heafen bless you for your KIND
ness. You see how 1t WAS NIT me. ~
Was all my fault dot I vhas bum
und now I like to brace oop und be
somepody. You shall gif me advice
What aboudt2" ..ao
me to take one last drink una pface
opp ind go to congress
~shaii dot last drink be some beer
Or It f" vhas better dot you drink beer. I
guess ba,,ee dot
vhav TOO. one last drink, und den !
shall brace oop. ind When you near OF
me in congress you can feel proud DOT
Won adwiced me. All right. my gallant
/ iero-can you send oudt for 1t!
For or Z dot ,5It beer. Get at least two
qua i.Bu uf' shan't buy you any beer;
Don't try some games on me- oiu
O' mo beerq~ he shouts Don't you
help me to brace COP und be a manz
..6 no; f'r YOU want to see me in con-
7 don't care" .,,+ -
dash EN- to earth. You glI me lre re, ~,
vice Init to increase my thirst. CoDpiet.
~, WAS a blamed old hypocrlte una
fraud. ind I gif you my compliments
4 ind walk oudt- -. hood 7os
He gife me knock on - ger Heao md, nd
makes me dizzy for ten minutes unu'
he slams der door 50 hardt dot der glass
breaks in pieces. like to hal MIN
arrested for damages. but Nhen 60
oudt to der sidewalk to look LOT a po-
liceman dot red-headed ofncef coiiles
/ COD und pushes me inside und says:
How vhas all dis2 ! see you gif some
advice free
~oh. you dor You try to be bigger
dan a policeman, do you? You ike peo-
ple to understand dot you WAS great
mand und I vhas nopody! s
Il shust gif some advice. says.
s.VheI I shust gift you some advice.
old man. You stick by your cobbling
und let advice alone. If anybody wants
advice he comes to me. You WAS mere
/ to mend shoes. und I vhas here TO ad-
1 vice. BY golly but I CUES you like to
get me of der force. Ell
I pellet YOU do, ind pellet you vhas
a wicked old rascal. und feel it vhas
my dooty to"
ind hits me three times NIT his club.
md When 1 falls down ind my wife
I comes in und cries oudt dot I vhas killed
dot policeman says:
NO he isn't quite killed. He Will be
all rieht again in aboudt three months,
hut if he likes to gift some more free
advice ind take AWAY my bread und
butter and dignity you Will be some
widow vOrans ind dis shop vhas for
sale chean.
Too Or eat a Risk.
In almost every neishborhood someone
| has died from an attack of collie or cholera
/ norbus often before medicine could be
procured or a physician summoned. A re-
/ liable remedy should be kept at hand. The
risk is too great for anyone to take Cham