The Wichita daily eagle., 1903-07-31
The COLONEL AND mR. sKIrr.

perhaps you might De Interested 10 near
| the opinions on current events Of some
| OF our statesmen who have passed away.
| II so, call at the address enclosed on
| separate slip any evening at and the
| medium in charge will put you in COM
| munication with some of the leaders OF
other days.
In response to the above the Colonel
and I presented ourselves at the address
indicated. \ sign at the gateway of
| dark alley read, "Ciairvoyant and Seeress
Reads Past and Future" The alley ter
| minated in a dark court, but glimmering
| light at one side indicated stairway
| leading to the floor above. Making our
way carefully UP. we arrived at door.
upon which the Colonel raped with his
goid-headed cane. The door was opened
by an elderely female OF great weight
and impressiveness. The Colonel and I
agreed not to give our names until we
had tested the mediums powers, so l
said in reply to the ladys query as TO
our business. that ve had come 10 have
our past and future read.
Very well. gentlemen said the clair
royant; please deposit one dollar for
past. two dollars for future. Seat your
selves facing light Large gentleman
first And as she seated herself oppo-
site US her head fell back and for mo-
ment she became limp and iifeless. Then
she sat UP. and her eyes assumed
CLASSY stare as she slowly turned down
the light on the table beside her
You are highly nervous. philanthropic,
take great interest in public questions;
soul of patriotism. delight in military
titles; great oratorical gifts; born to min
gle with the great. Now for the littl
gentleman" she said, turning toward me.
Modest. self-effacing. but worth appreci-
ated by the public; great literary ability,
wide political knowledge; would make ex
cellent secretary to the president; gifted
beyond present sphere. Now for the fu-
ture' Here the Colonel interrupted
Madam. We were but testing your pow
ers. i am more than satisfied with your
marvellous gifts. and doubtless Mir. Skitt
is also We have come in response to
your invitation 10 communicate with the
statesmen of the past
Il am pleased TO meet the Colonel and
Mr.. Skitt.'' said the lady Let us sit
around this small table. and in moment
we shall have the desired presence.
What? Who?-Thomas jefferson? Turn
down that light, Mr.. Skitt; now. Colonel,
ask Mr.. Jefferson some question"
Mr.. Jefferson, said the Colonel, in an
awed voice. I'VE have heard great deal
about the democratic simplicity OF your
administration. Would you kindly favor
US with your opinion of modern life at
the White House?" In a high, squeaky
voice the reply came instantly.
Who started that ridiculous calumny
about my democratic manners? III have
you know, sir. there was not a more
courtly gentleman in all Virginia than
Thomas jefferson. Some political enemy
said I rode a mule bareback to the scene
of my Inauguration, and that animal,
or the jackass who started the story,
has been the emblem of the democracy
ever since. l suppose my horseback ride
one that occasion mas been the oause of
all this bronco riding at the White
House and around the grand circle during
the present administration
What do you think of Mr.. Bryan's
claim. that Of being the only real Jeffer-
sonian Democrat of the day." l asked.
timidly.
\ sound as of teeth grinding together
was the only reply, and l felt current
Of air pass Ey head as though 1 had just
escaped a blow
Come, come" said the medium, as
the table shook under violent blows.
what are you knocking for?"
A deep voice answered: II am DR..
Franklin, a newspaper man, OF Pennsyl-
vania; desire few words with Governor
?ennypacker'
The Governor is not present" said the
Colonel, but l will carry any message
you may communicate"
Very well, then" came the sepulchral
voice. Tell him he and Quay are right
They seek unlimited power; il is the
modern way. In my day we had some
ridiculous notions of equality and lib
erty. Now it is the part of wisdom to
first muzzle the watchful Press, then
make the people slaves of your will.
We tried to get DR.. Franklin again, but
he would say no more.
A faint rapping indicated that some
gentle spirit wished to communicate with
us soft voice said:
4 am Samuel ]. Tilden. You may have
heard of me. | should have been Presi-
dent of the United States. but another
gentleman took the position from me.
also gave fine library TO the city of
New York. but your Andrew Carnegie
has rather spoiled the effect of that,
too"
unfortunate SOUL" sighed the Colo
mel.
Unfortunate souI,' came gruff voice
amid a furious rapping Il am Tweed. of
New York, and / want to say that l
hold no grudge against Sam Tilden: that's
all over now. But. talk about unfortu-
nate souls. how about me? Think how
many men there are alive today who
have spoiled the effect of all that / did
Doodle loot and graft, 1t makes me look
small"
Just then there was a faint rap and
voice timidly inquired do you know
me? 1 am John Law. fnancier. OF Paris"
'Oh. yes, replied the Colonel. we all
remember your meteoric career
DO you think they would let me open
a small bucket shop on Wall street IL
I came back to earth?" asked the voice.
why, dear Mr.. Law. said the Colo
mel. If you were To appear in Wall
street today all the great manufacturing
industries of the country would be hand
ed over to you TO be financed carte
blanche.
Then. I was not a hair-brained Jug
gler OF values. but a great financier born
a century too soon" said the voice, more
cneerfully.
1T looks that way just now" replied
the Colonel
a quick rat-tat-tat under the table an
nouuced some impatient spirit
4 am General Andrew Jackson, said
a stern voice
General" I asked. were you really
the author Of the famous phrase, To the
victor belong the spoils7
NO, sir was the quick reply What
I said was. To the victors belong the
postoniceS. but ~ that ] didn't mean
that the contents Of the post0fficss also
belonged 70 the victors.
They called me OLD Hickory. and. By
the Eternal. II I was on earth today
right well would the backs OF A few
gentlemen in the postal service testify 20
my title to the name. think you Rave,
pretty good timber in the White Ho'.s-.
nov-uot entirely seasoned. but good
enough 10 make z whsp-sfuCk ~.