davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1903-02-14
Directions in London.

Directions in London. -
In London and throughout the
tight little island the words cup" and
down" have a peculiar significance.
In going to London from any part of
England you 90 up" In travelling in
any direction from the capital you
60 down. So in London itself every
thing goes ''up'' If it goes in the direc-
tion of the bank--that is, the Bank
of England and going from that cen
ter toward any of the points OF the
eomRa -ta. -.ss.ss
The word bank, which is not only
always spelled with a capital 3d."
but is always uttered with an impress
siveness that suggests an initial let
ter of the largest type, may be said
to be in a sense interchangeable with
city, term of equal dignity and
value in the eyes of Englishmen, and
likewise invariably adorned with a
capital &C."
The City does not mean London
by any means. It means a certain
limited section of London, the part
where business is mainly carried on
and where the great financial institu.
tions stand.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1903-02-14
Truly a Devils Trap"

Recently a foreign naturalist named
Dunstan, was walking near the bank
Of Lake Nicaragua when suddenly he
heard his dog bowling at little dis
tance behind him. Rushing to tie ami
mails assistance, he found that it
was in the grasp Of three black and
greasy thongs which had coiled them
selves around is neck and had torn it
so badly that blood was flowing in
several places. After some difficulty
the naturalist freed the dog and in
few days it's wounds were healed.
The thongs, which imprisoned the
animal were the principal portion of
a plant which is known among the
natives of Nicaragua as the devils
trap" It is composed of black, flex-
ible, leafess branches, which secrete
a viscuous fluid, and which are pro-
vided with numerous tiny hooks.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1903-02-14
Real Snakes i'm His Boots

the splendid location we had secured
and the coziness of our surroundings
generally. OF course we had the usual
quantity OF stimulating things which
belong to first-class fishing outfit,
and to tell the truth about the matter,
had been pulling away. at the Jug and
popping beer bottles until was just
little shaky. After we had been out
about a week I began to see things
that a man under ordinary circum-
stances could not see. was just in
this condition one morning when I
rolled out Of my cot to begin the days
sport. The sun had been up for some
time
my boots were standing beside the
fore. In throwing my legs over the
side of the cot I knocked both boots
over. You can guess how felt when
two or three snakes wriggled out of my
boots. I simply went up in the air. My
nerves were in no condition to be
tampered with. I couldn't get out of
the cot, and | couldn't stay In it. I
simply felt like melting into thin air.
One of my friends witnessed the
whole thing, although did not know
it at the time. I was ashamed to say
anything about the snakes until he
brought the question up. Finally he
said something about the snakes that
had spent the night in my boots, and
I'll swear to you I never felt better in
my life, for up to that time was very
much in doubt about the genuineness
of the vision. was glad to know that
the snakes were real live snakes"
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1903-02-14
Prowess of a Wire Mattress

Bronson had never taken wire
thought he could. The mattress was
too big to go up the stairway OF the
new house except on the instalment
plan. and it had to go up there, the
thing being so ordered by Mrs. Bron-
son. Bronson examined the mattress
and found that it was composed of
four modified scantlings, framed to-
gether by bolts and kept firm by the
wire web. He diagnosed the case as
one requiring a monkey wrench, and
after he had searcned half or three
quarters o. an hour he found the
wrench. - He noticed that the nuts on
tie bolt turned hard, but said that
they were rusty, and little patience
would conquer.
When the nuts finally came off the
two end frames flew together like
long-lost sisters and shut Bronson up
in the folds of the web like salmon
in a gillnet. He got out after while,
ana when he had expressed himself
succinctly carried the mattress up-
stairs, where he set about putting it
together again. 10 his great surprise
he found that the web had shrunk
about four sizes and that the frames
refused to resume their former posi-
tlons. He tugged and hauled for a
while, but the sticks had an irritating
habit of wrenching themselves out of
his grasp and joining forces, and he
always happened to be in the trajec-
tory of one of them.
At last he nailed two of the scant-
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1903-02-14
Huge Sums for Church Work

One would not be surprised to learn
that the attempt of the Northern
Methodists to raise $2O,OOO,OOO as
twentieth century fund had been aban-
doned as impracticable But the fact
is that $17,000,00O has already
been subscribed, and the remaining
S3,O0O,O00 may be fairly said to be in
sight, says the Watchman of Boston.
This great sum is to be devoted to
freeing Methodist churches from debt,
and for educational work. Methodism
in the United States for the next five
hundred years is certain to receive
mighty impulse from this great
achievement
The September number of the
Church Economist gives the result of
careful investigation to show how
other denominations are getting on
with their twentieth century funds.
The Methodists of Canada set their
figures at $1,00O,O00, and they have
raised $250,000 more than that, and
the Presbyterians of Canada put their
mark at S1,000,000, and have already
obtained $1,430,000, with probability
that they will receive $15O,O00 more.
The English Methodists have raised
$4,000, 900; the English Congregation
alists, who sought $2,O0O,000, have Sc
cured S3,312,000; the English Baptists,
who put their figure at 81 ,25O 900, have
already received $1,000,0OO, and & the
Congregationalists of Wales, who set
out to secure 100000 in five years,
have received $860,000 in three years.
The Economist reckons that the
churches have secured 100000, 900 Of
the $40.000,000 proposed, and that the
movement in all it's branches is prov
ing an unexpected and overwhelming
success. Doubtless the entire sum
proposed will be secured. &, ss>>5s.ls.. 5s:.ls.
One of the interesting features con-
nected with this movement is that the
raising Of these huge sums has not di-
minished regular contri ributions for de.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1903-02-14
American FIaq ENOUGH.

In response to suggestion that a
flag should be adopted for the District
of Columbia corresponding to the vari-
Gus state flags District Commissioner
MacFarland said the other day: "The
American flag is the flag of the Dis
trict of Columbia. 1t has never had
any other. The states have state flags,
some of which are very much older
than the United States flag. But the
national flag seems to me all suf1-
cient for the national capital, which is
it's special home. People in the district
have never been even tempted to d.
vide allegiance between two flags and
no such temptation should ever be Of
fered."
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1903-02-14
SUSPICIOUS or THE BRANDY
Reason Why. Congressman Hull Pre-.
ferred Admiral Evans Whisky. i

Reason Why. Congressman Hull Pre-.
ferred Admiral Evans Whisky.
i Here is q good story Of Admiral Rob
ley p. Evans, Of the navy, which some
of his associates are telling: Soon
after the close of the Spanish war the
people of Iowa decided to present a
sword to: Capt. Evans as memento
OF his command of the battleship Iowa
In the Santiago fight. The presenta-
ton was made at the home Of Admiral
Evans in Washington. Mrs. Evans
assisted her husband in entertaining
the guests and presided over the COLA
ton which was served in the dining
room after the speeches were con-
cluded. Bob" did not make a very
elaborate address, but soon after the
close Of the formalities he said few
words which were highly appreciated
by those who heard them. "Step into
this room,' said the naval hero; well
have a. cigar and toddy." Leading
the way into cozy den, Capt. Evans
said: II ran out of my favorite brand
of whisky yesterday and was COM
W. 9SoNAA
don't know much about. But here is
some brandy that do know something
about; it has been in this house for
more than twenty years." Turning to
Representative Hull, he added, (Which
will you take, governor?" :
"Just hand over that whisky decan-
ter responded Mr.. Hull.
why, what's the matter with the
brandy?" asked Evans in a tone of
surprise. :.
II don't know, Bob," said Hull, "but
if you have had it in the house for
twenty years without drinking it there
must be something the matter with it.
I'll take the whisky"
And Cap. Bob retired under. the roar
OF laughter. -
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1903-02-14
Water Substitute for Coal,

8 Herr Thormann, noted Austrian
engineer; has for several months
been studying the waterfalls in Switz-
erland, and has come to the conclus.
ion that they can be utilized in con.
nection with electricity as motive
power for all the trains on Swiss rail-.
roads. He has discovered twenty
two waterfalls, the force Of which ,is5
equivalent to $4,000 horse power, and
this is more than Is needed, as 60. 900.
horse power would be quite suncient.
Switzerland is obliged to import at
considerable expense all the coal that
s used on her railroads, and therefore
sc viii readily be seen that she would
gain s. good deal By adopting Herr
Thormann's suggestt ion. q.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1903-02-14

On at least one occasion I had
snakes in my boots," said the man
with the red nose to reporter of the
New Orleans Times-Democrat, "and it
was no wild delirious fancy, either.
The snakes were genuine. They were
very much alive, could crawl and
did crawl, and they had eyes and
fangs and forked tongues and all the
other things which go with a we'll
made and complete member of the
reptilan species. I had gone out on
a fishing trip with some friends up in
Arkansas, and we were quartered in
a tent on one of the best lakes in the
southeastern section of the state. 1t
was during the hot season. 1 never
saw as many snakes in all my life as
we found around that lake, and they
were of all sizes, shapes and colors.
The heat was so intense-it was dur
ing severe drought Of 1881-that all
the snakes of that section gathered
around the lake in an effort, no doubt,
to keep cool. They would slip down
to the waters edge, burrow in the mud
and cut other curious capers because
of the prevailing drought.
Late in the evening they would
take whirl at swimming, wriggling
out into the lake for some distance,
and then pull back to the shore again.
l mention these facts merely to show
that snakes were plentiful in that Sec
tion. The heat had made them des-
perate, but we never anticipated any
trouble from this source. We pitched
our tent at the head of the lake, and
We're inclined to gloat somewhat over
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1903-02-14

nominational causes. It was feared
that offerings for missions would be
lessened, but that has not been the
case.
Again the assertion has been demon
strated that there is no fixed sum
for benevolence, like the alleged
wage fund" of the political econom-
lists, which cannot be diverted to one
cause except at the cost of others. It
has been shown that gifts depend on
the inculcation of the giving spirit and
that the larger the gifts the larger
they will be.
These great sums have not been
contributed by syndicates of rich men.
For the most part they have come
from people in moderate circum-
stances.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1903-02-14

lings to the floor and began drawing
the other two into their places: Mrs.
Bronson here entered the struggle, but
still further reinforcements were re-
quired, and the. children came. The
family lined up along one stick and
pulled till Bronson strained his wrist,
and let go. Then the web got in its
work, and two children were thrown
violently to the ceiling, while Mrs.
Bronson, caught by the escaping
frame, was knocked breathless. :
Bronson said a few things, gathered
up the children and renewed the at
tempt : But the esprit de corps was
gone from the comm munity efforts, an1d
after few further trials, in which
the list of injured was like that of an
excursion train accident, Bronson sum-
moned neighbor. The two men toiled
all the afternoon, and then the fleigh-
Dor let go of the straining web at the
wrong time. 1t was Bronson's jaw
that suffered. Bronson thought h9'did
it purposely, and the two fought earn.
estly and convincingly for half an
hour, at the end of which time the
neighbor's wife came and called him
to supper.
my DEAR" said Bronson that even
ing, when the doctor left the house, Il
think if the secondhand man will give
you rs cents for that mattress you had
better take it. I always despised that
secondhand man, and this will be q
glorious opportunity to show my i'll
will toward him. Portland Oregon
ian,
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1903-02-14
Chicago Men Not Gallant.

The lack of gallantry on the part of
Chicago's men was never so forcibly
illustrated as in the case of sweet
Beulah Corley, who had the misfor-
tune to be found drunk in a doorway,
writes Roswell Field in the Chicago
Evening Post. When she was fined by
the judge, and had no money to save
her from the bridewell, she appealed
to the spectators, offering to marry
any man who would pay her fine and
save her from further disgrace. And
in this whole city there was none to
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1903-02-14

heed her cry. It is true that most men
would shrink from hasty promise to
love and cherish a young woman who
.leaped into fame by decorating door
way while in condition of intoxica-
=tion, but we. dare say the knights of
old would have responded chiyalrously
to the invitation. Still, at the prevail
ing prices for meat and coal, Beulah
must not be surprised that gallantr,
has Its limits. We hope by this time
that the fine has been paid, without
fdad incumb rance and that she
will go and sin no more.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1903-02-14
Must Be of LeuaI Ace.

What Milwaukee and st. Joe are to
Chicago in the way of elopements Jer.
sey City is to New York, and Justice
of the Peace Roe of the last named
place, has tied great many hurried
knots. He has just announced, how
ever, that when he has the slightest
doubt as to the real age of high con-
tracing parties, he will require them
to make affidavit. There are too
many silly, thoughtless marriages."
says the Justice "and l don't propose
to cater. to such Madness" :; :.sfzzS gf,:z5S Il
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1903-02-14
Doyle Mistaken for Kitchener.

On several occasions lately Conan;
Doyle, while walking in: Lond Ion, has
been mistaken q for Lord Kitchener.
much to- the authors embarrassment.
Once he was nearly mobbed zbysa yell
ing crowd Of enthusiasts, who cheered
madly for the 'eros of South Hafrica. 4
BY the way, It has seldom fallen to
the lotsof man to reach afiuenee ina
literary career 50 early in life 10 has
been the case with Sir Conan. He Is
only 43, rich. titled and popular
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1903-02-14


Of Washington the coming winter.
The embassy is to be renovated and
modernized as to it's interior. It
needs this work very badly, because
while one of the most imposing resi-
dences in Connecticut avenue, it is
also one Of the stuff1est. It is under
stood that Mr.. Herbert will come to
this country long enough to present
his credentials and then return to
England for q short time while the
embassy is in the hands Of the arti-
,sans.ss II iss expected that the embassy
durin gthe coming winter VIII bes one
Of the most brilliant places in Wash.
ington official life, as Mrs. Herbert's
relatives in New York, the Wander
bilts, the Wilson's and the rest, will be
there during the season and there will
be much entertaining.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1903-02-14
Assaulted on His Soft Side.


The young. man stood before the
grim old captain of industry and look
ed him full in the face.
"Well, SIR" said Horatious J. Hard
rox, you wished to see me, l be-
lieve?"
"No, sir. did not wish to see you
I am not here because I wish to be.
but because it is necessary. You have
a daughter. will not ask you to sac
rif1ce any Of your valuable ,time in
listening to catalogue of her
charms. You probably have noticed
most of them. I will come down to
business, sir, at once. She and de-
sire to merge our interests, and I
trust that have made no bull in hop
ing you may not take bearish atti-
tude toward the proposed combina-
tion.'
"Trust-combination bull and bear
merge? All right. Take her, my
boy. You seem to be one of U.s."
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1903-02-14

.# The nations Of Europe, chiefly Ger
many and Great Britain. are eyincing
Increased irritation over the conduct
nf Venezuelan internal a6Airs and Az
crisis seems approaching, The amount
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1903-02-14

1t is harder for a camel to go
through the eye of a needle than for
a woman to keep from asking ques-
tiOns.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1903-02-14
Renovating British Embassy.

M1CnaeI F1erUerC, CHe new Br1L1sn
minister to this country, is expected
to take leading part in the social life
The Holly chieftain., 1903-10-23
tuf EJtxiI,le

$50 you are just married. said the
chief of the railroad information bu-
reau, who wanted clerk. Does
your bride make pie?''
"she does" replied the applicant
for the place; but what has that to
do with my securing employment in
your oiiiee?'
"Gh, sonie,' said the chief I'VE are
supposed to answer inquiries polite
ly, and I'm n1i taking chances on the
temper of q man with indigestion."-
Baltimore News.
The Holly chieftain., 1903-10-23
One Qnc.tion sett1cd.

SIS limbGrger cheese unhealthy?"
asked the man who had called in search
of information
"on the contrary" replied the an
swers-to-queries editor, "the micro
scope shows that the organisms of
which 1t is principally composed are
in the highest state of health and
vigor"-Chicago Tribune.
The Holly chieftain., 1903-10-23
ccnfessicn NOT q Prlest.

Rev. Jno. S. Cox, of Wake, Ark.
writes, For years I suffered from
yellow jaundice. l consulted a
number of physicians and tried
all sorts of medicines. but got no
relief. Then l began the use Of
Electric Bitters and feel that l am
now cured If disease that had
me in It's grasp for twelve years
If you want r reliable medicine
for liver and kidney trouble, stom-
ach disorder or debility, get Elec-
tric Bitters. It's guaranteed by
lkelman Bros, Only soc.
The Holly chieftain., 1903-10-23
Recognition .t Inst.

You are the mos: hateful, Getesta-
bic, aboninab!e villain | have ever
met" exclaimed the indignant
woman.
You fill ne with gratitude, mad
am" replied the gloomy traveller.
whose disagreeabie manners had Of
Tended aer. Il have been stage vii
lain for 20 years. and yours is the first
kind word have ever rd."-Chicago
Tribune.
The Holly chieftain., 1903-10-23
Broke into His House.

s. LIE Quinn of Cavendish, Vt,
was robbed OF his customary health
by invasion of chronic cohstipa-
tion. When DR., Kings New Life
Pills broke into his house, his
trouble was arrested and now he
is entirely cured They're guaran-
teed to cure. Csc at Ikelmans'
dug store.
The Holly chieftain., 1903-10-23
aaand md DaltYer.

Mrs. Helpem-This is lovely! How
did you manage to collect SO much
money for the cause?
Miss sharpone - 1t was simple
enough. threatened to get up char
ity concert, and set all the girls prae-
ticing for it.-N. Y. Weekly.
The Holly chieftain., 1903-10-23
E{AAda Full.

MeJigger-That's something never
knew before.
hingunbob-What's that?
McJigger-Why, nearly all tho
breweries in town allow their en-
ployes 20 or 30 glasses of beer
day.
Thingunbob-1he idea! should
think they'd have their hands full all
the time.-Philadelphia Press.
The Holly chieftain., 1903-10-23

Mrs. de Flatte-What do you want
now? gave you a good pair of boots
y couple of months ago.
Mr.. Seedyman-Yus, lady. and now
I've come to arst yer if you'd kindly
get them soled and 'eeled for me-
Pick-Me-U Up.
The Holly chieftain., 1903-10-23
Pleasure.

why did you leave your last place"
ut was SO dull replied the maid
The master ard mistress agreed per.
fectly, and never thing came up for
the servants to gossip about. Chi
cago Post.
The Holly chieftain., 1903-10-23
l Hishly 1ntcre.t,nr p,..~

Tourist lin London)-Dickens was in
the habit of frequenting this tavern.
was he not?
Landlord (proudly)-No, sir; this is
the tavern which he never frequented.
Brooklyn Life.
The Holly chieftain., 1903-10-23
The Yao,hf., Femiui.. idea.

What Kind of a society is yoursT
asked her father
"A secret society" she replied.
But what is its object? ,"
'Oh, just to have secrets from the
other girls. Chicago Post.
The Holly chieftain., 1903-10-23
one on the Doctor,

she-I'm going to try my hand at
making biscuits to-day, dear.
Helm so glad. Clara.
why are you glad. Charlie7"
Because I've invited the doctor to
dine with us tonight, and he's al
ways Dragging that he's never sick"
-1onkers Statesman.
The Holly chieftain., 1903-10-23
The Test Of Expert.ess.

rs he really such an expert stenos'
rapher?"
Expert is no nnme for it. Why.
just for practice, he actually took
down church sewing circle discus.
sion without missing a word."-Chi-
cago Post.
The Holly chieftain., 1903-10-23
At Northern Prices.

Towne-So you've been at Palm
Beach. Everything's awfully high
there, isn't it.'
Browne-O! no. Some things are
very reasonable.
What, for instance?
Brown-Stamps and postal cards
Philadelphia Press.
The Holly chieftain., 1903-10-23
A Conditional D,aruo.,..

What is the matter with me, doc
tor?"
II fear you have severe case of
cephalalgy," was the reply
Great guns, doctor." can't afford
it!"
"Oh, that's different. It's headache
same thing. You'll be all right soon"
Baltimore News.
The Holly chieftain., 1903-10-23

Don't Tobacco SpiL and sAiuAc Your Lire
Await
II yuu want t. Q,:it tobacco using en- lily
and forever, he mace well, strong, lhagn.tc
tuli OF new lie and viSor, likc NoTo- Bac
she wouder-workcr that makes wea. ncs
strong. Many gain leu pounds i,r ten dag
Over 100000 cured. buy No-To-Bac from
ycur own lrurgi4l, who will guarantee
euir Booxlct aud sample mailed i:ec: AL
Sterling lsemedy Co., ChkaSc or New YORK
The Holly chieftain., 1903-10-23
You Geta
Good Square Meal at the
LAMAR HOUSE,
j. W. MACE. Prop. Lamar. Colorado
Loye Letter.

Would not interest you if you're
looking for a guaranteed salve for
sores, burns, or piles. Otto Dodd,
of Ponder, Mo, writes: II suffer
ed with an ugly sore for a year,
but box of Arnica Salve cured
me. It's the best salye on earth.
25c at Johannesburg store.
The Holly chieftain., 1903-10-23
OF a Kind.

Gerald have a soft heart.
Geraldine-Then I don't see as it
makes any difference whether you
are ruled by sdur heart or your head.
N. Y. Herald.
The Holly chieftain., 1903-10-23
I'm tu the Yote.a

II believe" said the candidate, "that
the state wants me-"
Perhaps" replied his friend. "But
the voters may refuse to honor q
requisition.'-At Constitution.
The Holly chieftain., 1903-10-23
Unfair Treatment,

"lf you don't love the young man.
my dear" said Mrs. Lapsling, child
iugly, to her niece. sit is not right
To make him think you do. 1t rouses
expectorations that can nevcr be full
lled"--t.hicago Tribune.
The Holly chieftain., 1903-10-23
Com fortiMH.

Pecksniff-Yes, indeed. he actually
called me "A cross-eyed old hvpocrit-.
Newitt-How rude. It's not your
fault if you're ross-eyed--Phiiadel
phia Press.
The Holly chieftain., 1903-10-23
Loves Way.

do you believe in the saying Love
will find a way?'"
"Oh, yes. Love will find a way, all
right, but it isn't always the best way
Sometimes it's the way to the poor
housa."-Chicago Post.