New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1903-08-02

that when he talked to YOU this morning ns
was in earnest-yes, I am Just as sure OF that
as l am that a little while from he viii
not be in earnest over me- but over something
else. How can you teHe You cannot under
stand at all My husband is never himself he
is the man that other people are expecting him
10 be. Once Z told You 1 did not like you. and
it was quite true To is quite true still
think you care too little for anybody to deserve
liking. I think that You are hard and selfish
But at least YOU are honest You live your own
life. not a thousand other lives. So you cannot
understand my husband"
Il think I understand him far better than
you do. Mrs. Bradford. I viii tell you why
he added. She did not speak
Amy" he said, going back 70 his old address.
| Amy. years ago there was a young fellow IN
college with me who very like your hus-
band He not only wondered what other peO-
pie thought of him. but he would do and say
things TO make them thinlS-of him. II he was
applied 10 for information. he often gave il
whether he had it or not, rather than show ig-
norance, and he lied to I'LL gaps. I don't know
whether you would call 1t lying; It was done
almost unconsciOusly. He was simply swept on
by this desire Of his 10 be noticed and carried,
often. very much further than he meant. Then,
one day. his eyes were opened TO himself r
needn't tell you how; but it a bitter day
for him He saw himself Just as he was-a
sounding board. and no more. He hated him
self. He was not a bad man, not even very
weak one; and he tried 70 reform He tried
TO be exactly himself. and say exactly what he
| felt. at all times. But he soon found that he
! was falling He was stiu exaggerating. adapt
l ing-in word. lying. Do you know what hs
/ did? He took refuge in eccentricity. He had
| tried to cure his fault and failed: very well
he thought then he would be revenged on him
| self. Whenever he became aware that he was
1
turned rude and harsh OF course. that allen
| ated the people So he became friendless:
won't say unpopular. because there were GER
| tain qualities about him which made him nee
essary TO the college life; but friendless- He
was very lonely. He found life very miserable
But, like all men OF his temperament he was
an excellent actor. and he did not show his
misery. So gradually he won a reputation for
himself as a rude, clever. solitary man. who
cared nothing for the applause OF anybody;
refused il; had use for it. So the applause
followed him. When he saw that he turned
| more UnsociaI stiu. and it followed him more
insistently. II he had been a dull man. or a
weak man in other ways this mightn't have
happened But he was not dun or weak-ex-
cept in this thing
When he left college he cast about for a pro-
fession. He still had the idea that he must keep
himself under, so he decided on the profession
LIldL SuDJuSdleS man most 20 the service OF
other people That is the ministry This man
undertook the training and Iearned-ranv
things. He learned that his theological school
was school for scandal; that gossip and trivi-
atty Of thought and Ueanness dOurishad IN it.
such the few noble men laborsd in vain 70
root out: that the study was NOT theology but
diplomacy. and cheap diplomacy at that. Yes
he was disilusioned: but he went through IT,
and entered the church. The same popularity
coll
it. and at heart craving it. so he adopted the
same repressive policy as before: and, as be-
fore. his popularity only increased. de became
we'll known. and gained a large church. That
was seven or eight years ago. What is he nowP
The same mantle same man he was years ago
IN coHege-conscious stiu. in every nerve ana
fibre OF him, Of the opinions around him: eager
TO be noticed; and an actor In everything he
does. he would do this. and therefore he does
the other thing. He would Ike 10 be the centre
of group. so-he plays the hermit. he would
rather be thought sanity, so he smokes his pipe
in peoples company. and treads on their pet
ideas He has got his reputation now, just az
he had it in college People think him rude.
selfish. and honest. He is in reality rude. SCI
FISH, and as dtsingenuous as a man can be. You
say I do not understand your husband, ArnyT
I tell you understand him as you never can.
for have been through the dark places before
to-day He has been what God made him. and
he is bitterly punished for il. 4 thought once
had tasted a little agony, but see now that
never did I told you that I remembered what
I had said 10 you here one day. ! do not take
back a word OF IT, I told you then that 7 should
not ask you 20 marry me, II dreamed you
would You thought / was only insulting you
Do you see now what meant? afraid
for US as I was afraid for you and your hus-
band But I tell you this to-day: you may not
love your husband-that know nothing of-out
that ne loves you. you cannot doubt. am
man exactly like him; and know
And what am to dO?"
Not 70 think Of him worse than he Is. To
believe IN him because he fights himself. and 70
forgive him what he fights against That Is All
7 can say You know. much better than can
know all your husbands splendid qualities
You know thai he is courteous. that hs Is cou-
rageous. that he Is gentle. that he IS clever
Love these and for the rest forgive him. be-
cause be does not forgive himself and because
he loves you-as he does"
Her gray eyes-so young stiIl-were dun and
sad as she asked,
Are you sure he even knows these thlnxs1
7