The Minneapolis journal., 1903-12-11
THE N0NPAREIL MAN
Uncle Eiiery Marsh specuiates son the
Wheat Situation and Decides; Not to
III seIl--The Pernicious Habit Of Bathing
in Mater t7as 80
in Wate

.Wall. said JTncle. Ellery Marsh as he
came, into the office; expcctorated on the
radiator and helped himself to a Chicago
paper,s'sIs jest ben down to a nlillers place
readin sfsome of them fggers that they
call statistics. They say that we ground
that is the northwest mills did-145. .000-.
900 bushels of wheat last year an We're
grindin' her up faster than ever this year.
Now the boys want 1S,000.000 for seed.
Duluth exports out 90, ,000 900 and Minne-
apOlis and roundabout sends out say TO-.
900 to suiroundin' places. Some OF
the stuff. nobody knows how much. has
gone west to Chayny an the Japs, and al1
together we ought to have by these figures
crop Of l93000,000 and more bushels. s
''Wot is the facs? The government says
we got les, 100000 bushels. and that leetle
cuss Jones. he says 147. 900. 900, and the
elevator sharps ginerally allows that Jones
has the government down and licked and
is "a -settin' on its PROSTATE form.
EEf this is the case, where's that 49,
900, 900 bushels wheat to come from a lee
tie later? Where they goin' to get her to
grind? To be sure. a little say 20, 900, 900
or perhaps 25.000000 will be drawn up
here from the southwest. But where's the
iOhio valley going to get its wheat? From
the southwest. But they can't hold out
forever down there. s...
No, sir. said uncle, splitting violently
on the floor, Il don't sell a pint o, my
Iwheattel the sittchooation develops in the
NOL d pint, Dy nell. L We got QOugn
in the bank and don't have ter"
! And uncle winked one eye at the market
editor like the sound Of the old barn door
samming in the north wind. s.s--A,sJ- r.
Mr.. Hicks predicts a dry year for 1904.
! Only one year that is better for swearing
off in-and that is 1903.
While Christmas is here don't forget the
old folks back home. If you haven't any
! of your own, some ones else old folks
will do almost as well -
! Herbert Spencer's comment on peopIs
was always kindly. Sometimes it showed
| q touch of humor. He said that he could
not stand personal association with Cars
| lyle because Carlyle's 'Iconversa ton was
one long DAMN
l. Charlie ToWne, the Tammany, ora tor.
says that the next democratic candidate
for president must be a, man in sympathy
with the old-fashioned democrats Of the
east. But he must be also one who can
iprove his uninterrupted .'regularity" under
the Chicago and Kansas City platforms.
In religion too. it should be required that
the candidate be an atheist and Metho-
dist whose views on the Fall are satis-
factory to the evolutionists.
Some kindly disposed gentleman in the
south sent the president a wildcat. As
the president does not care9for wildcat on
toast he sent it along to the zoo with his
card z-|sE.-
In his little two-round ..ge's with Profess
sor Gravitation. Professor Langley comes
out with a Slight dent in the solar plexus
region, E -
President Harper returned to Chicago
with SMILE This being so. wearnay V
assume that Mr.. Rockefeller's health has
: ma terially improved.
Three or four United States gunboats Is
have climbed trees ON. the isthmus and
are watching for the Colombian army.
DIR. John Dill Robinson of -Chica go. says
t that ba athing is bad habit. 1t washes the
Y natural oils out of the skin. He says he
t hasn't taken a bath for two years. This
= is an unpleasant subject. but while We are
: on it let US recall the story told by tray
/ elor regarding the personal habits of the
, Patag gonia MS These South Americans did
not bathe either. but after d few years
/ an outside rind of Patagonian would peel
s i off and leave the skin as pink and healthy.
s as that Of baby's. Possibly DR.. Robin
= sons position is worth considering. Nc
boy bathes na turally. He has to be forced
V to it. thus showing that it is an acquired
= habit