The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1903-05-20
THE ,NcalmINA1lNe ANecpo1E

Old Brother Jones-Halleiutah Jones'
had been pounding away at the old pulpit
| in the First Zion African Methodist Epis-
copal church for the last fifty years or
more. proclaimins the gospel in the old
fashioned fire and birthstone style. But
old Brother Jones had grown too feeble
TO preach and had retired.
a new pastor had been called TO I'LL the
pulpit. He was a graduate OF a theolog-
ical seminary up North and was a new
school preacher. The church was filled
the first Sunday after his arrival, and
after the opening hymns and prayer ev-
erybody coughed and huttered a little
and settled down for the sermon The
pastor proceeded: My text this mawnin'
will be from the 18th chapter of First
Corinthians which he then proceeded TO
read. LAS We reflect upon the teachings
Of Confucius, as We ponder over the
words of Socrates or study the doctrines
of Epictetis or Marcus Aurelius. what do
we find? If We read the poets or philoso-
pliers of all ages down To our own EN-
erson, what do we find? nat the Golden
Rule is not an idle theory, but practi-
cal working principle. hiatt brings with II
its own reward. Substantial progress in
any science is impossible in the absence
of practical working hypothesis.
But habit had proved too much for his
hearers, and the new cushions had gotten
in their fine work-the congregation had
fallen asleep. The new pastor was dis
gusted. He looked them all over scorn-
fully and changed his line of talk
If / was TO stand UP here and pro-
claim de wonders of Ham Bone
Tick, tick, tick, you could hear the
ewes popping open all over the church.
IF I was to stand here and shout about
the marvels of fried chicken"
'Amen," came from different parts of
the room. and every one awoke.
IF I should dwell upon the beauties OF
roast 'possum."
...Halieluiahr' Amen was heard on
every side and some one started a hymn,
while two or three sinners marched up
TO the mOurners' bench.
IF l should shout the praises OF sweet
potatoes swimming in 'possum gravy or
proclaim with loud voice the joys OF
juicy watermelon"-
Everybody came up to the mourners
bench and regular old-fashioned revival
meeting was in full swing. The pastor
stopped He stood looking defiantly at
them untfl the shouting and singing had
ceased.
I'VE will omit tho sermon this morn
ing" he said. and in it's place we viii
have a guessing contest, and guess what
is the best thing there is to eat Brother
Raspberry, being the Oldest member OF
the church, is entitled TO the nrst
guess"
Raspberry arose With tear-Stained eyes
he said in a trembling voice:
81 guess dat roas 'possum and ripe
watermelon am bout de mos bes thing
dey am to eat"
An awful silence fell upon that audi
ence. Every one realized the predica-
ment. The pastor rose and said: AFTER
the benediction has been pronounced we
will adjourn until next Sunday morning:
Brother Raspberry by his wondahiui
guess. has removed from this we're con-
test ali the elements of a competition.
Sousittitus Dams, mo good coon,
happened to be present that morning IL
was the first time he had ever attended
church in his life. He was mucn toucneo
and decided he would like to join the
church. so he sought the pastor IN MS
study the next day.
'.Passun," he said, what must oo
fur to join de church?
We'll suh," replied the preacher' ""
must believe the Bible"
whats dat7" asked So1histitus.
well, sub, it's the book what tells all
about it."
What do it say in de book
well. 1t say a lot of things. IL tens
about a man and his name was Jonah;
he was on a ship and the ship was IN
big storm The people on the ship looked
around and saw Jonah. and thought ne
was a hoodOo, and so they GRABBED MIN
and threw him overheard. A big whaie
came along and swallowed him whole.
In a few DAYS Mr. Whale got sick ana
went over to the shore and troWed Jonah
out on the shore. alive and wen
'.Whew!" said Sophistitus, has got 10
believe DATE
You certainly has" said the parson'
A long pause. and Sophistitus looked per
nIexcd Finally he scratched his head
and said: Il believe it. Tell me anotner
one"
well, there was a man and his name
was Daniel, and they threw him IN the
lions den
What. more THROWN IMP
Yes sub
What was dem lions. circus lions OF
woods hons?"
.'Thev were woods lions. and Daniel wac
in there forty DAYS and forty nights ana
the lions never touched HIM
''Oh. say. hold on, passon, has got to
believe dat?'
You certainly has" said the parson-
Well | believe il. Tell me another.
We'll. sub" continued the parson.
there were three men. Shadrack, Meshak
and Abednego-'
What Is TINS, more tnTOWlh III. OADAc
in Sophistitus.
Yes. sub. they threw them into the
fiery furnace" and il was a million de-
grees hot, and they were never scorched
q hair.
'.Passon.' said he, II don't believe Sc
gwine ter join de hurch today Use very
much obliged to you fur tellin' me all
desc here stories and Use sorry / done
tuck up all your time. Use gwine 10 think
dat las story over fore I makes up my
min.
He got to the door and opened it.
''Goodby. passon, and ne moved as
though to lose the door. but put his head
back into the room. and looking half
angriIv at the pastor. said:
Say. passon. l want YOU 70 know |
don't quite believe dem other two yarns,
either
And he slammed the door.-New York
Herald.
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