The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1903-06-07

with interest from early boyhood-that is,
from my boyhood At first watched him
from above--from the family circle, where
We had to take OF our jackets so We could
sit closer.
watched him as Rip Van Wrinkle while
my scalding tears fell upon the heads OF
tho bloated aristocrats beneath until they
had to raise their umbrellas. and my merry,
infectious laugh echoed and reverberated
from those far heights until the guardian
OF the gallery swooped down and repressed
my boyish enthusiasm with club.
As became more affluent, l descended
through the various strata OF the theatre
until now have reached the $3.50 seats
purchased on the sidewalks-which are
said to be wort hless-and some day yet
may get into box And still my scaldng
tears fall over Rips tribulations. but. alas!
my merry infectious. antisepic laugh Is
not now sufficiently contagious to occasion
alarm
relate all this not that II is OF the slight
est interest but / want Mr.. Jefferson to
know that have freely contributed to his
support all these years, for he must realize
that, although I can't talk, money talks
know enough to put up. II don't know
enough to shut up.
never thought to stretch my legs under
the same mahogany with Mr.. jefferson.
and as stand here, six feet in my stocking
feet-for l do wear stockings. although
my looks may belle i'll can feel myself
swelling with pride at having done so-at
having dined with Mr. Jefferson.
And yet I don't know why I shouldn't
sit at the table with him. for there are some
things in common between the actor and
the landlord. and yet more which are not
in common.
The actor and the landlord both take
in the public and both provide entertain
ment for man and beast. The landlord
gives the people bed and board. while
in the theatre they get no bed. but some
times get bored, though never, OF course,
when Mr.. Jefferson Is on the stage.
The landlord gives his patrons the best
tho market affords lin his advertisements)
while the actor has certain delicacy about
receiving from his audiences the products
Of the market-especially ne vegetable
products. Poor Bill Nye used to have
receipt for removing egg stains from the
garments Of lecturers and actors-btit that
Is neither here nor there. Tho pathway
Of Mr.. Jefferson has for many years been
strewn with flowers. not fruit.
And, finally. while it IL the actors privi-
lego to prance upon the boards. 1t is the
landlords privilege TO prance upon the
boarders.
You remember when Rip inquiries Of the
innkeeper: is this the village Of Falling
Water?' and the innkeeper replies. or would
II he were up-to-date:
1Yes; since Tom Platt took to regulating
the heavens above and the earth beneath.
box koI
but not drop to drink. And the Raines
bill descended and the floods came, and the
wind blew and beat upon that house, and
dear old Uncle Levi hardly knew which
side Of the fence to drop OH in order to kee p
out Of the wet; and now the clubs have TO
hang their liquor licenses on the outer
walls and the governors thereof cry havoc
ard let slip the dogs OF war: and the free
lunch has vanished like a tale that is told,
and there Is weeping and wailing and gnash
ing OF teeth; and the band plays on"
That sentence Ia n little involved. but 1t
shows that / am highly educated.
As a landlord l have had much TO do
with actors and they have had to do with
me. and some OF them have done me.
am the proud possessor of perhaps the
largest and most interesting collection of
actors trunks cStan.. If wero asked to
describe vacuum should say:
a vacuum is the contents of an actors
trunk left with landlord as collateral for
unpaid board"
II the cathode rays were to penetrate one
OF those trunks, when they got inside they
would die Of homesickness. | haven't one
Of Mr.. Jefferson's trunks. however. l wish
had and then could say. with Shakes
pearc's Lilcius:
Draw YOU near.
To shed obseauious tears upon this trunk,
When once gave dear old Joe Jefferson
to understand that ! was anxious to see
him in ono of his matchless characterize
tons he inquired IL had a family that
shared my anxiety. and when informed that
] had, he generously rendered all hands a
pass to the family circle. The Lord loves
a cheerful giver, but the Lord help any one
who strikes Joe for free pass.
Perhaps you think after dinner speakers,
like game and cheese improve with age;
but even game and cheese can't be kept in
cold storage too long without getting a
little decollete
You are familiar with the poem from
Mother Goose" beginning
Little Tommy Tucker
sang for his supper.
Well, Tommy was In luck. For, having
sung for his supper. 1t Is fair to presume
that he got it and was able to eat it with
a relish.
But we latter-day Tommy fuckers get
our supper first when our speech ID stick
ing in our threats so we can't eat, and then
have to sing for it afterwaId. II we could
only speak first and eat afterward. how we
would relish our vctuals!
There are three species OF guest. One
the fortunate being who Ia invited solely
to cat. drink and be merry at some other
fellows expense Another the gifted
being who travels on his shape and who,
by reason Of his greatness. 10 invited to
throw a halo of responsibility over the
occasion. And last, the distinguished
vet unhappy orator. who has to work his
passage. To the former | present my
ielcitations: to the latter. my heartfelt
sympathy,
The idea generally obtains hat all an
airor-dnner speaker has ia do is to assume