davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1903-12-26

They had union label funeral in Chicago
yesterday. 1t was not considered safe in that
center NJ twentieth-century civilization for the
dead to go on his last Journey without conspicu-
placards to keep him from being stoned by
the apostles Of larger humanity" who hope
through the trade union to promote sweetness
and light. But why limit the label to
the vehicesf The grave clothes should be
union made. At the gates of the cemetery the
coffin should be opened. and IL the shroud is not
properly labeled the corpse should be declared
unfair and sent back to be redressed like the
marble in our City Hail. which was polluted
by a nonunion setting No union funeral can
be complete without a union corpse. The
mourners must, 1t should be insisted shed
union tears: and Mother Nature should be asked
to show proof that she has provided for burial
orthodox union-made earth. Nor should the
rnionizing neglect the cradle. No baby born
without the authorized union label should be
supplied with union milk or be allowed to wear
union-made clothes Then shall see life
death and the vast forever one trade-union
song We told that brought nothing
into this world. and 1t is certain we can carry
nothing out But that saying will have to be
amended. and the human race hereafter taught
to humble itself before the truth that we brought
nothing into this world but the union label and
it is certain we.can carry nothing but the union
label out.-New York Tribune
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1903-12-26

fifteen minutes before a gray-halred man
wearing spectacles stepped I'm. The floor
walker at that door caught him. He was
beaming. He had noticed an odd error In
spelling in the window. and II the floor
walker would only step outside he would
show IL TO him.
1.-The floorwalker went out, OF course,
with the old fellow. who pointed with his
cane at the carefully misspelled sign. The
foorwalker thanked him profusely and they
chatted until the old chap got asking ques-
tions about the price OF some of the hand
kerchiefs in the window Then the floor
walked took him inside and turned him
over TO one OF the counter girls. After that
they came thick and fast. In two hours the
floorwalker sent for me and said he couldn't
stand IL. He wasn't engaged as a barker,
and somebody'd have TO be put on the lob:
he was neglecting his business So we got
man 20 do nothing else but attend TO that
misspelled sign.
1T worked well all that week and last
week. too. Persons who did not want
white goods got inside in trying 20 correct
that Thanksgiving error, and saw some
thing else that interested them, so n was
just the same But last Friday we took the
sign down and spelled Thanksgiving I'm the
good old-fashioned way. Pretty soon ex-
pect we'll have TO spring another one.
There's no reason why we should not take
all honest advantage OF the frailties OF the
human race
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1903-12-26
Educational Notes.

Good scholarships hereafter will be required
at Princeton of all students who wish to enter
the glee club. banjo club or other fun-making
organizations. well for athletic candi-
dates.
The report of the treasurer Of Cornell Unit
versity shows a total income for year OF
81, 4l5S74 and expenditures amounting to $685.
125. Amounts due unfulflled contracts. etc.
however make deficit OF s72. 600. This is large
ly owing to the recent typhoid epidemic The
universitys assets aggregate s12ooo.ooo.
Glen Harrison. aged thirteen. is teaching a
country school In the Ozark mountains near
Gainesville, Mo-, and probably is the youngest
pedagogue in the country. He has twenty-nine
pupils, several of them considerably bigger than
he but he has whipped one or two of them and
Is now treated with the respect due an edu-
Gator.
The annual report of the national commits
sioner OF education makes 1T known that last
year there were Is. s25,ss7 pupils enrolled in the
public schools Of the United States and that
the average daily attendance was 60 per cent
Howard J. Rogers. chief Of the department OF
education of the ST. Louis fair. has announced
that great progress is being made toward the
educational exhibit for which FIVE acres of floor
space was reserved. 1t will include an exhibit
ton of actual processes in classroom and labora-
tory work
Wheaton College. at Wheaton. H., has adopted
a plan to help deserving young men to obtain
an education. By depositing 500 any young
man may take the for six months OF
three consecutive years and work the other six
months for the American Sunday-schooI union
II at the end of the time the work has been
satisfactorily done the student receives a GER
tihcate from the college. as well a certificate
from the union.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1903-12-26

During the South African campaign the Brit
ish soldiers discovered that cordite. used to
charge cartridges contained intoxcants. viz,
nitroglycerin. guncotton and vaseline.
Albert Oette a laborer. who had been out of
work for fourteen days account of the fac
tory In Berlin in which he was employed being
closed. died from excitement and Joy recently on
lottery.
Count Albert Won Meran. young scion Of
the Austrian imperial house. has entered the
novitiate OF the Benedictine monks He is the
grandson or Archduke John. who married Anna
Plochl the beautiful daughter Of village post
master
John Alexander Dowie Is making arrange
mcnts for what he hopes will be triumphaI
tour to tho Pacific coast before sailing for Aus
tralia- He figures on leaving America about
Jan. 10. and will DO accompanied on his voyage
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1903-12-26

DR.. Parkhurst perused with genuine interest.
it seems. the references made to him at the
Grout dinner Saturday night by Patrick Francis
Murphy. particularly the passage running thus
His political obituary will read: "A good
Mr.. Murphy's name is familiar said the
Madison-sduare pulpiteer. but / don't quite
place him Is IL the well-known landscape
painter. who was born in Oswego?'
mo. not that man.
THE celebrated temperance advocate. who
used to be so active here in the East?,
mo not he'
We'll. il he can't make better speech thar
he Is reported to have made. think / can see
his nnsh-about like this: Here lies. as he al
ways did, an orator, whose principal distinction
was in being an ass New York Mail and
Express
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1903-12-26
Questionable PHILOSOPHY.

Now" said the employer. badly as / hate
to say It, your confessed crookedness makes it
incumbent upon me to release you from your
position"
Release metz exclaimed the employee in sur
prise Release me-and maybe get some mex
perienced man with a brand new theory OF how
to be crooked and not get caught! The absurdity
of it. I've skinned you every way there is
and you've caught me. I'm at the end of my
rope and ready to be decent-in fact, don't
know how to be anything else 1 go, but /
shall remain unemployed for few days just
to give you chance to recall your rash words {"
Baltimore American.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1903-12-26
Dinner Pail Going.

Ever notice how the dinner pail that once
was a familiar part OF the outfit of a laboring
man has passed away?' asked Detective Carl
Father. Yes. the familiar bucket is gone and
its place has been taken by the sidewalk lunch
stand. What is the for this discarding
of the long faithful pail which quite fulfilled
the desires Of the fathers and grandfathers of
these same workmen and laborars who now scorn
n?"
=. WELL said sturdy workman, In the
first place. the wages of the average man are
more than they used to be. and. not only that
but it costs little more to buy much lunch
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1903-12-26
NEW ADVERTISING TRICK.
Misspelling Of Words I'm signs Proves
Attractive.
New York Sun.

New York Sun.
lone of the tricks Of the trade during the
next year." said the window dresser for
big department store. sis going to be the
misspelling of words in window signs. 1t
works wonderfully You know, at one time,
a great trick was TO put picture in your
window upside down. People would come
In droves 10 tell you about the mistake,
and 1t gave business a boom for a time
But the misspelling of words beats all
the other old devices. Why? Because IL Is
human nature TO love to correct other folks.
It's the same spirit that animates the man.
woman and child, who go blocks out of
their way TO show a stranger where he
wants 10 go. 1t pleases people TO know that
they know something that you don't. and
after they have corrected you they go on
their way inwardly pleased with them
selves. or else they are so brim full of gen.
iality that you can sell them goods that
they never dreamed OF buying.
1--WE tried the new trick two weeks ago.
/ had a sign made to go In white win
dow Ii read. 'Thanksgiven Linens. Well.
that sign had hardly been In the window
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1903-12-26
The Feminine Gender.

W. B. Yeats the Irish poet, lectured last
month at the University of Pennsylvania upon
Irelands literary revival Afterward. in his
apartment at Houston Hail. Mr. Yeats talked
for a while with reporters. He said
among other things that America reminded
him Of France. He said that the clear air and
the gay sunlight made him imagine himself in
Paris so that he often under the impulse
to enter the American shops and ask the price
of things in bad French
My French is very bad" he explained. II
have no doubt ii is as bad as the English OF a
Frenchman whom I Paris
Il had told this Frenchman that a young lady
whom both knew was ILL., He became SYM
pathetic.
she is III? he said. 'Eet is too bad. And
what is mattress?
What is the mattress? said I. oh. see.
You mean what is the natter
'Ah. but objected the Frenchman, is eet
not Of re feminine gendaire Eat we speak?' T"
New York Tribune.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1903-12-26

The suggestion of State Auditor Sherrick
that wildcat insurance companies
should be barred from the use Of the mails
to carry on a fraudulent business is in the
right direction. The language of the law
is explicit that mo letter or circular con-
corning schemes devised and intended to
deceive and defraud the public for the pur-
pose of obtaining money under false pre-
lenses shall be carried in the mail" The
penalty is fine of not less than 500 nor
more than $500 for every offense. A wild
cat insurance company comes under this
provision as we'll as a get-rich-quick or
any other fraudulent scheme. and a rigid
enforcement of the law would drive them
out of business.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1903-12-26
A BATCH OF LITTLE STORIES.
Eloquent PeroratiOn.

and" said the rising young politician as he
reached his eloquent peroration. 1T predict that
our candidate will, when the votes are counted,
be found to have ridden to success upon a tidal
wave of glory that will have swept all before
1t like wild fire breaking in flying spray upon
the strand where the of victory shall blaze
forth it's first effulgent rays upon the close of
one Of the most noble. most memorable cam
paigns that have ever been launched upon the
sea or politics, to gather strength and carry all
before 1t like the cyclone sweeping across the
broad prairies from which even the orb of day
has disappeared in terror. London Tit-Bits.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1903-12-26

One of the Cherokee missionaries who worked
in Georgia. Evan Jones. emigrated with the In
dams in 1888 and founded the first mission in
the Cherokee nation. To this influence is due
the fact that among the Cherokees a large per
cent. are of the Baptist faith The Cherokee
is the only Indian nation in which Indian chill
dren pay board in national school. They are
charged $3.50 a month For boarding children
at the two seminaries at Tahlequah last year
$40, 900 was paid into the national treasury. In
addition to the 1900 Indian children. 1000 white
children have the privileges of the Cherokee
schools. There are 200 teachers who paid
by the Cherokee nation. The average salary is
$40 a month Many teachers are white women.
All are under the superintendency of a super
visor OF schools and Cherokee Board Of Edu-
cation kansas City Star.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1903-12-26
Troubles OF the Ancfents.

''Faughp' exclaimed Aeneas, casting a con-
temptuous glance at the streets of Carthage.
"this is worse than the First ward of Chicago
Since you took the trouble to build q town,
why don't you keep it cleaner"
1T costs so much" sighed Queen Dido. "Our
citizens don't like to do mental work. and we
have to get everything done by outsiders. Some
day I'll hire a lot of foreigners to come and
Clean up the city"
Subsequently. however. lot of Romans came
and cleaned UP the city for nothng.--Chi-
cago Tribune.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1903-12-26
Different Climates.

An Irishman returning home from America
got into conversation with an Englshman who
asked him what part of America he hailed
from.
california" said Pat
'T believe" said the Englishman there are
different climates near each other there"
''Well. to give you an idea" said Pat, az
was shooting day, and my dog. we'll
trained one set himself across a ditch. I was
surprised to find my giving him the usual
token to start, that he remained motionless
Going toward him to ascertain the reason, j
found that his tail was frost bitten at one side
of the ditch and his head sunstruck on the
r."-London Tit-Eits
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1903-12-26

its independence in the interest Of Amer
lean trade. In one case a foreign govern
ment was to be established over subju-
gated people, while in the other free gov
eminent is TO be established by the people
themselves. The partition of China would
represent a forcible Intervention from
without, while the independence of Panama
represents a peaceable revolution from
within. In both cases this government has
acted in favor of American commercial
interests without reference to boundary
lines or territorial questions.
II certainly cannot detract from Amer
lean influence in the East that the United
States has promptly dispatched a consid-
cradle fleet OF warships to protect Amer
lean interests on the isthmus and TO pro-
tect from invasion young republic whose
independence IL has recognized and guar
anteed. Most of the European powers have
already intimated their approval OF the
Panama policy of the administration. and
IL Will not lessen American influence in any
quarter of the world that this policy has
been backed UP by quiet but impressive
display OF force. Mr.. DENLY is wrong.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1903-12-26

w. E. Curtis notes In a recent letter that
taxes are the most fashionable institution
in Italy. Everybody. he says. has to pay
upon every article owned or produced.
Every egg. every melon and head OF let
tuce that Is brought 10 market by the old
women is assessed. A housekeeper pays a
franc for every servant employed: there
- tax on windows and doors and a stamp
must be placed on every document OF q
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1903-12-26
country.

After ten years OF continuous expert
ments. Colonel Hope. OF London. has sue
ceeded in producing an absolutely safe and
stable smokeless powder. The new ex-
plosive is called veioxite. 1t contains 10 per
cent more power as a propelling agent
than black powder. ard its flashing point is
at 1900 degrees Fahrenheit. e Since the
flashing point OF black powder is $40 de-
grees. II viii easily be seen with what safe
~ the new explosive may be handled A
fortune probably awaits its inventor.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1903-12-26

The repeated bitches and delays in the
army post negotiation are discouraging.
but there is ground for Major
6teele's criticism of the people at large.
They did their duty admirably in making
the army post possible by the purchase of
the arsenal grounds. and if it should be-
come necessary they will do still more to
remove the present tangle. 1t is hoped. how
ever. that the War Department. viii find a
way to do this without further action on
their part
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1903-12-26
Rubbing 1t In.

EYES," said the Englishman who had immi-
grated here some years ago. IT dearly love the
mother country"
''You certainly did England great favor"
rejoined the homegrown American.
What was THAR" queried the Englshnan
'You didn't stay there" answered the other.
Chicago News.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1903-12-26
A Keen Observer.

Driving along the road Mr.. wilyman and Mr..
Depeskemer keep their eyes open for the main
chance Soon they come upon a neat little
farm Each gable of the house and barn has
lightning rod and there are lightning rods
disposed artistically between the gables. as we'll
as on all the fence posts, and the patent
windmill. and on the automatic gate. and on
the self-ringing dinner bell and about the field
of Bohemian oats.
Lets sto. -ere.' says Mr.. wiiyn,an
What for?''
1--WE can sell this man an air ship."-Judge.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1903-12-26
Critics have found many faults with the

Critics have found many faults with the
Wagner opera "Parsifal." which was pro-
duced for the first time in New York on
Christmas eve. But New York music
critics are so VIGOROUSLY hard to suit that
their verdict will not be accepted without
question. The spectators were awed and
thrilled by the great drama, which is one
Of the most wonderful ever heard in this
eountry
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1903-12-26

1t Is animated that at the Democratic
dinner to be given in New York on Jan.
4 Mr.. Clevelands speech will be of the
Keynote variety. 1t is about time some
Democrat was striking a keynote-the dis
cord Is growing greater every day.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1903-12-26
Rather Airy.

''She seems to be wrapped In thought" he
said, referring to the lady with the beautiful
neck and shoulders.
YES" his fair companion replied Should've
you think II would be rather chilly to be
wrapped in nothing but thought above the waist
line?'-Chicago Record Herald.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1903-12-26
To Many Mothers.

Mamma-Dickie. right straight in this
house.
Dckie (whimpering)-I-I-Pm goin' to run
away some day and then you'll be sorry.
Mamma-Why, Dickie7
Dickie-Cause you won't have no little boy
to boss.-Cleveland Leader.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1903-12-26

ica, where he intends to visit the st. Louis
exposition. Is 1t necessary to state that
he sailed on board a vessel and not in a
balloon?
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1903-12-26

Australia has just completed the harvest
ing Of a gigantic wheat crop, estimated at
56,0o0.000 bushels. This is a record the pre-
vious high figures. being 100000 bushels
The financial condition of Australia has
not been good for several years. and this
big harvest will be a material aid
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1903-12-26

A New York man has invented tele-
graph instrument which Is capable Of
transmitting 1900 words minute. If this
Is put into immediate use the newspapers
will be able to get nearly all of Germans
next anti-canal speech.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1903-12-26

The Kaiser OF Germany has shot his
thousandth stag; Andrew Carnegie has
given his thousandth library: and an Iowa
minister has celebrated the performance of
his thousandth wedding ceremony. The
millennium is Fastening on.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1903-12-26

Her Grace the Duchess of Roxburghe is
reported to have attracted more attention
than the King himself at a recent royal
function. That is not strange-a good
looking American girl will attract more at
tention than a whole pack of kings, any
time. Mrs. Roxburghe is certainly getting
her moneys worth.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1903-12-26

Chicago Heiress Gets a Million in Her
Stocking Christmas Morning read the
headlines. Will the papers never drop that
old joke about the size of the Chicago
girls feet?
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1903-12-26

Representative Gibson used an expressive
figure when he likened the tariff to an
uncomfortable pair Of suspenders-"too
tight In some places and too loose in others.
but very needful. just the same" The pas
sage of the Cuban reciprocity bill was
sort OF hitch of readjustment. necessary to
make the national trousers fit neatly.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1903-12-26

The New Jersey bank cashier who en-
bezzled $4,000 has been sentenced to seven
years in the penitentiary. Well, that Is
pretty good business; many a man would
be glad of the chance to serve at $4,000
q wear.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1903-12-26

SCISSOR. neither the books in the library,
the music on the piano nor the bric-a-bras
in the cabinet. The tax on incomes is 20
Der cent
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1903-12-26

A modern version of the famous case of
Jarndyce VS.. Jarndyce has occurred in Ba-
varia- A lawsuit in that country came to
an end the other day on account of the
death of both plaintiff and defendant.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1903-12-26

II the plan OF the Massachusetts Democ-
racy to launch a presidential boom for Hon.
Richard Olney in January is carried out we
may look for cold wave about that time.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1903-12-26

1t is current talk In Washington that
Senator Germans bad break on the Panama
question and his failure to Judge Southern
sentiment has practically put him out Of
the presidential race
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1903-12-26
THE HUMORISTS.


Teacher-You notice that boy who stands at
the foot of the class? Well last summer he was
the brightest boy in the school.
Commtteeman-He is now. I notice the foot
OF the class is nearest the stove,-Puck.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1903-12-26

The New York Commercial asks What
becomes of pig iron?" The Journal is not
certain. but is under the impression that
somebody steels it,
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1903-12-26

1T wonder what the poet meant when he said
a little knowledge is dangerous thing?'
Perhaps he meant that If you know you're
going to get s. for poem on publication you'll
go out and spend s1o"-Philadelphia Ledger
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1903-12-26

A lot sold in New York the other day
had depth of ninety feet and a frontage
of four inches. A typical modern fiat will
probably be built on that lot.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1903-12-26

Perhaps Senator German would favor the
public by telling what he would have done
had he been President when the Panama
revolution occurred.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1903-12-26

In spite of the fact that several hundred
thousands Of dollars were sent to friends
in 1.-THE old country for Christmas there
was a-plenty left in the United States.