Monroe City Democrat. (Monroe City, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1903-01-08

use in digni, but it is neither new nor
auyel. On every hand YOU can see Z
same kind of a fight going on that is
being conducted 10y Mr.. Carnegie and
Mr.. Prick, only the ring is smaller.
You see it every day.
The philanthropic lady that lives in
he large brick house presents Il beau
tiful set of dominoes to the poor fam
liz with four dogs, upon learning that
ne e'rr."iu~ rorilv with five DOCS and
goat has received gilt-edged deck
# cards from the charitable lady who
lives in the large stone house.
The charitable lady in the large
stone house presents the pastors wife
with a red sweater and hymn book
upon hearing that the phlanthrOpic
lacy who lives in the large brick Lous.
has presented the pastor with Il pack
age of gun-drops and "a pair of skates.
The philanthropic lady who lives in
tie large brick house buys - tuil-
grown tickets to the young ladies ice
cream recital for the benefit of the
nervous upon learning that the chart
table lady who lives in the large stun,
house has purchased 10 white tickets
ana eight blues for the lleaVy-set la
dies Christmas hop, given for the Dthe-
fit of the sockless and sad.
The charitable lady who lives in the
large stone house decides to give 4
public dinner for those who have been
thwarted in matrimony upon learning
hat the philanthropic lady who lives
in the large brick house is arranSihe
TO distribute mess of warm kram
among the sick and dying.
And so it goes. Every day you can
STE somebody slip brick in his pocket
and start out to give someone a little
punch of philanthropy.
Did you ever go to bazaar or fair
given under the auspices OF the Re
nned Ladies Reading Ring and Talk
ing association and watch the philan'
thropists get after pale, hollow
chested pie when it is lead out and sold
from the block?
You can take an ordinary, bullet
proof pie with an asbestos roof, fore
and aft and side armor of the same.
and put it up at public auction in the
midst of two or three contemporary
philanthropists, and it will sell for
enough to pay off the funeral expenses
of the first victim.
When the bazaar pie goes on the mar
ket, pies are quoted at 10 to IL cents,
demand light, market weak, no call.
1t is placed in booth with its trainer,
pretty young girl, who does her best
to find Il good home for it, but nobody
will take pity,
Day after day that grand old pie sits
around in its stall, waiting for some
body to come along and adopt it. Many
people daily and nightly pass along
and stop to admire it's firm, muscular
physique, but no one will give orders
to have it bound hand and foot and
sent to their home.
, But after awhile the board of direc-
tors get together and decide to sell the
pie at public sale, all sums of So and
under cash in hand on day and date of
sale.
The husband of the vice president of
the Middle-weight Ladies' Literary
Bunch, who used to run an eight-day
jewelry store in the west before he be.
came cultured, helps the pie up on to
the block and presides as auctioneer.
Ladies and Gentlemen" says he
patting the pie on the chest, "what am
L offered for this old fellow. He is
sound and kind, and has neither blem.
ish nor scar. Genuine Clydesdale stock
The best general purpose pie ever
saw Can ba tr1lSt a6 with opu mann h 20 r
of the family. Remember the pro-
ceeds of this pie go to the erection OF
home for unemployed college gradu.
ates. Gentleman, what am offered?'
Then there is a scuffle among the
philanthropists.
A philanthropist in a red necktie
and "A No. As vest begins to knock peo
pie around with his elbows and tall
to himself. "There is Old Eight Per,
cent over there with his Sabbath fore,
noon SMILE" he whispers to himself
He tried to soak me with pie at the
Policemen's Browning Club Bazaar
last fall, but here's where / come bach
at him, pie in hand. Here's where ht
dies by inches ere hand can save"
And then there is battle to the
death between the philanthropist il
the No. 4S and Old Eight Percent.
One moment No. 4s has Eight Per
| cent down on the floor, calling fol
| police interference, and the next mo
ment Eight Percent is on top with Al
screaming for help. 1t is blow fol
blow. First one stroke of philanthro
Ply and then another, while the GROVE
moves back to give them room.
And so the struggle goes on between
our philanthropists. Every day it'll
in progress. Every day it is a 12-cen