Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1903-07-17
pRIFTWOOO.

DRIFTWOOO.
Pieces CT Individual Opinion Washed Up BY the
Tide, Doomed, Sawed, Split and Piled
BY LUE VERNON.
There is a class of men who when
being placed in public office seem to
think they own the Earth, but they
don't.
King Peter will have a. few of the
assassins of the late king and queen Of
Servia killed, and probably in return
will be killed himself, and there you
are.
After reading q number of our ex-
changes we have concluded that the
most useful articles in country news
paper shop are the scissors and paste
pot.
The evidence in the Dunsmuir.Ed
Wallace trial in Victoria shows that
to die and not hand over your money
is as expensive as renting rooms in
Seattle.
King Edward at performance,
called an actress delicious" etc.
Edward, old boy, you cannot efi'ace
the Jersey Lille" from your MEM
DRY, can you?
A man working in a livery stable in
Newark, N. j., died from the CHAMBERS,
disease peculiar to horses. Proba-
bly, the poor man is saved a more ter
rible death-that of laundering"
Some people are like horses of fire
department. We have noticed that
they don't do anything important
often, but when they do, they make
such a noise, the whole town turns
out.
The automobile Paris.Madrid race
was the cause of many deaths and was
stopped by the French and Spanish
governments. This will hurt the feel
ings of fast drivers of wagons and
scorchers on bicycles in many towns.
We have been told several times
that after death, if we have followed
Gods word, we will be presented with
golden harp. live were only sure
that it would be harp, but it kind Of
makes us SILVER when we think it
might be bagpipe.
We despise the fellow who can't
tell the simple news of the day with
out thrusting his fingers into your
ribs and patting you on tho back.
We have noticed as a general thing
that the demonstrative fellows are the
biggest liars in town.
So Bryan has moved into his new
home and all the Republican editors
are writing sneering paragraphs about
it. The trouble with these same edi.
tors, in most cases, is in the fact that
they never will have money enough TO
buy lot, let alone build cottage.
We have noticed that it takes the
dude mixologist behind the soda
fountain just twice as long to prepare
icecream soda for the pretty let-ma-
do-the- work-giggling, eighteen-year-old
girl, as it does the hard-working,
freckled-face, sensible girl of the same
age.
When you visit the STANDARD office
don't squirt tobacco juice ON the floor.
1t is dirty, Objectionable practice.
Common sense and decency ought to
dictate practice of better manners.
The STANDARD likes your company
but it don't like fioodgate of tobacco
spit turned loose on the floor.
Some mail carriers can pack a
heavy sack of mail on his route whe re
there are some pretty women who let
their Homework go, but always have
time to "josh" the mail man, and not
feel one bit tired. But If his wife
asks him to carry the baby, he is so
tired and weary that he must lie down
and rest.
Antonio Triola, who was put to
death in the electric chair in the Sing
Sing penitentiary, received five shocks
to convey the "juice" to vital part.
II Antonio only knew the price we
have to pay for electric fluid, and had
to settle the bill, one shock would
have been quite sufficient for releasing
him from the sorrows of this earth.
Editors as rule are kind hearted
and liberal. A subscriber who died
and left IA years subscription unpaid
to q certain paper was the cause OF
showing how liberal the editor can be.
The editor of the paper appeared just
as the undertaken was screwing down
the coffin lid, and put in linen dus-
ter, thermometer, a palm.leaf fan and
receipt for making ice.
Ere long, 10 the beach and the band
and the breakers;
The fun and the fireworks, the frauds
and the "fakirs"
The walk on the sand, where the pillows
are foaming;
The dip in the surf and the kiss in the
cleaning
o, beautiful Summer, with pleasure you
dover us;
We love you, of course, but, pray, don't
overpower us.
The President OF the United States
is not the only man who can have the
pleasure of brass bands to lead him in
parades. A variety theater proprietor
in Fairhaven was taken to Jail the
other day in that burg and his theater
band followed him and the officers to
the prison playing There'll Be Hot
Time in Old Town Tonight" 1t
seems to me that the leader was not
diplomatic or he would have had his
band play Hail to the Chief"
An Olympia man. addressing
Chinaman whom he saw placing rice
on the grave of deceased relative,
said to the Celestial:
"Look here, John, when do you
expect your fellow to come out Of his
hole and eat that ricef"
Instantly the Chinaman replied: