The sun., 1903-11-29
A NEW THOUGHT
~ BREAKS LOOSE
And Shines for a Little While Mid
Chicago's Lights of
Leaning.

Learning.
CHICAGO. Nov. 2s-A new star twinkled
into prominence at the last regular weekly
illumination of the Chicago educational
constellation, only TO be rudely collapsed
just as he was beaming his brightest
The shining light that recently disclosed
q substance which. it is said, will increase
any living creature to three or four times
his normal size, cast the opening rays Of
illumination.
There is no doubt about it," he said.
began by feeding it to white rats soon after
they were born. In twelve months they
had attained the size of white rats year
old.
Then mixed it with ink and gave it TO
baby black rats. The result was the same.
Il gave hypodermic injection Of it to
newborn pup The pup died. beat an
egg in it and gave it to another pup. In
three years he was as big as full grown
dog
"This being the case it necessarily fol-
lows that
That's all very WE'LL interrupted the
luminary who discovered that life is
electricity "but We are wasti ng time
Our immediate duty lies in perfectinR my
scheme for resurrecting the dead by means
of elect ricity.
"If we are to do this in time for the next
Chicago census We must give our full atten-
tion to the matter. When the dead are
living, and not until then. it will he due
season to talk about increasing the size
Of"
IF Venus de Milo had only held herself
properly she could have reduced the size
Of her waist from one to two inches, com
nentec, the lady star who shone from the
chair Of uppiief. GressmaldnS.
"Sl,e couldn't have helG herself properly
or am othe. way, she didn't have any arms,
growieti one of the oonsteIietioa's side Lights.
But al! this has nothing whatever to 90
With what we were talking Abotit.
Getting back to tho main question,
may now say that I have discovered a
new and absolutely convincing proof that
Bacon wrote Shakespeare.
"The last cipher found, as you will re-
member, turned out to be copy OF last
years football signals. But concerning
the authenticity Of this new document
there is not the slightest question. The
captain Of the football team has examined
seen anything like it in all his life :,
The star OF learning who defends the
practice of cannibalism on the ground
that it is natural for babies to suck their
thumbs arose and beamed. =,
What he was about to say will never be
known. A high cheek boned man with
an aouiline nose and feathers in his hair,
who has recently attracted attention by
demonstrating that we are gradually be-
coming race of wild Indians. suddenly
placed his ear TO the floor and raised MS
hand for silence.
aUrph!" he grunted in cultural tones.
"Me hear paleface footsteps. Umph"
A moment later the door was flung open
and bare headed little man with WILD
eyes burst into the room.
Il believe have the honor OF addressing
the leading lights Of the educational Middle
Weet?' ne asked. gazing inquiringly about
The leading lights hickered their heads
We'll. then. you'd all better crawl under
your respective bushels and take q goo1n
the light that's needed around here just at
present. Why, do you know what I've
4 slight noise outside caused the new
e ihs door to sta and Issnt sssnsa for
Il thought heard them" he explained
in a hoarse whisper. They're after me.
They're trying to steal my knowledge.
rhHs What why E THIS ys knovEsass9 ssosEai listen
Gentlemen, every particle Of vegetation
on the islands OF the Pacific is growing
upside down! Prove it? Nothing easier.
Zone day early last summer. while trohthhg ing
for blnefsh in a 3O-foot catboat outside the
Fire Island bar, felt tug on my line that
stopped the boat with jerk.
al had scarcely started to land my mon,
strous catch when | realized that instead
Of pulling in the fish the fish was
gradually pulling in the boat.
4Ker-r-r-bang! We gybed At the same
moment the largest bluofish l ever saw
leaped far out Of the water and bit my
line off three feet from the squid.
$50 much for that part Of it.
"Two weeks later l was fishing IN san
Francisco bay when suddenly my hne
was jerked with force that drew my boat
completely under water.
Just as was rising to the surface tnere
came another terrific jerk. This time,
however. I had the presence OF MIND TO
let go Of my line.
A moment later n gigantic blueiish
rose to the surface and foated belly up
ward As had cast aside my line, you see,
there was no resistance to his second yark,
and he had landed against The bottom
with such force that he was completely
stunned. 80.
Il took hold Of the line and towed him.
still unconscious, to the shore. Once on
land | made short work Of the monster
with my hunting knife.
"And what do you think I found upon
cutting him open? Nothing less than the
bluefish sauid which he had bitten from
my line at Fire Island two weeks before
How did ! account for III At first
couldn't account for it l calculated that