Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1903-02-07
MERELY CRITICISM

ntlle man In . TUXEDO, ABOUT ten minutes
before the show began, the other night. AS
they approached the waiting usher In the
aisle upon which their seats were located
she turned to her husband ana said TO him
in a loud whisper:
Now, for heavens sake, try and not step
on my skirt. will you?"
Then she swept majestically down the
aisle, followed at proper distance by her
waddling little husband. They took their
seats and she removed her hat and began
to push at her front hair with her gioved
fingers.
rs my hair all flattened down in front?"
she inquired of her husband In the hoarse
Whisper. Don't, for mercy's sake, turn
around in your seat and stare at me like
gawk, but just tell me if my hair Is all
pastered down."
He rubbered at her hair o,rt Of the tail OF
his eye, and told her in a mild tone that 1t
looked all right to him.
And much you know about it!'' she said,
unreasonably, while he looked properly
humble. You'd tell me 1t looked all right
II Ii was flying all over my face like wild
Woman's, l do declare"
Then she settled herself back in her seat
and began to gaze about at the people who
had arrived and were arriving. She nudged
her husband after a moments study of the
crowd.
Look, she said. there's that funny
looking back-date girl, and"
He glanced over in the direction indicated
by his wife, whereupon she fired up at him.
WIFI you ever get over that habit OF
staring at people when 1 point them out
to your she demanded. Cant you see
them without looking at them?"
He didn't have the nerve to reply that
such thing was quite out of the question.
and she went on:
"And do declare if that isn't the same
old pink waist that she's been wearing
since the deluge. and I suppose she's taken
in hundred times If she's taken 1t in
once, because she's getting SKINNER and
SKINNER all the time. and the first thing
we know she'll be drying up and blowing
away. And why a woman with skin the
color of an oak bed room set will persist
in wearing pink Is more than 1-Sh-sh-Sh!
now don't look right away, but there's that
Shadface girl coming In with the man she's
hooked. and what the poor imbecile can see
in her Is more than l can tell you, deed 1t
Is. He's westerner, and they say he has
slathers of money, but, dear me. isn't he
farmery looking, and just see how worried
he Is as to what he'd better do with his
hands and feet! How in the world, though.
Maude Shadface ever got hold of any kind
of man with money Is too much for me.
for she squints dreadfully, and she's built
just like a board, and she hasn't any more
style about her than fried oyster-just
look at that frightful magenta waist she's
wearing, and If there's one shade of blue
in that awful hat Of hers there's twenty!
But there's one thing, Maude's well sea-
soned. She's every day as old as 1 am-we
went to the Force school together. and
were in the same grade, and goodness
knows that was long enough ago!
well declare. If there isn't Sally Wait
hope with that never-popping man Of hers.
l wonder II they are ever going to get
married In this world. or If they are going
to wait for the future life? He's been go
Ing with her since long before we got mar
ried, and you'll see them moping around
together everywhere. and he gets $500
year, too, In one of the departments, and
yet there's poor Sally getting old right in
front of him-Sally had long dresses on
when I was still wearing my hair in q pig
tail-and still he isn't saying that he is
willin'. Aren't men the sefshest things?
There comes that Bitter person and his
poor little wife. Now. would you just look
how the hypocrite bends over her and pre-
tends to be so devoted to the poor little
rabbit of thing. and yet everybody knows
are alone. and that she doesn't even dare
to call her soul her own. Just watch him
help her off with her wrap, the brute try
ing to make folks believe that he Is model
husband and all that, when, as a matter of
fact, he's growing at her all the time at
home. and he even won't let her put lit
tie powder on her nose to take the shine
Off, and makes her wear her hair parted in
the middle and combed straight down like
a fright, as If it was any part of a mans
business how his wife fixed her hair!
They say that he's so stingy with her that
she has to account to him for every nickel
that she spends. and II she is a couple of
pennies out OF the way at their accountings
he cuts up horribly, they say. Somehow or
anOther-goodness alone knows how she
ever managed H-she had her mother come
on from the west to visit her during the G.
A. R. encampment, and just because the
old lady stayed on for couple of months
after the encampment was over they say
that Bitter incontinently dumped her out
Of his house and sent her flying back to
her home in the west. I'd just like to see
any man treat my mother that way. so
would! '-r
There's that Gethunk girl and her poor,
weak, wabbling apology for husband.
Actually. they say that she beats him. and
wouldn't be at all surprised. My, doesn't
she look like a Tartar. with that iron jaw
and those high cheek bones? Down at At
lantic City last summer she accused the
poor little poodle of a husband OF hers
would you believe 1t. she's terrifcally jeal-
GUS of him-of flirting with some creature
on pier where they were listening to a
band concert and she hared up at him
right in the presence OF everybody, and she
made him pack up and come right back to
Washington with her. although he had only
just begun his vacation and he was all run
down from overWork-as II the poor little
man would ever hirt with anybody, much
less in the presence of his wife! Why, he'd
be scared into conniptionr
MY DEAR" put in her husband, mildly
leaning over to her, 1.-The curtain has gone
up and
''Oh, so 1t has" she snapped But l
wish you wouldn't interrupt me so rudely
when l am talking. l declare. I never have
chance to get in a word edgeways!'