The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1903-03-02
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THE UnspeakabIe Scot is 'even" with
his English maligners; in fact, the canny
Gaelic gentleman is a little to the better
in the roasting business. Some time ago
| T. w. III. Crosand wrote a book called
the 'Unspeakable Scot which fairly slz-
zled with denunciation of Robert Burns
and his countrymen. The book caused much
indignation in the land of the oatmeal
cake and haggis, and Mr.. Crosland was
| excoriated by the Scotch press. Finally
Angus Mcneil dipped his pen in mix
ture of vitriol, sarcasm and resentment
and wrote a reply, which he named The
Egregious English" Mr.. Mcneil has an
extensive vocabulary and is an adept at
! satire. He evidently is a close observer,
| keeps in touch with current events and
thoroughly knows the Englishman. for his
traits and characteristics are portrayed
as no writer has ever depicted them before.
Some Of the Englishman's foibles and fol-
lies, mannerisms and methods, probably
are overdrawn or exaggerated, but Mr..
Mcneil has fortified many of his state
ments with quotations from writings OF
the "egregiouS English themselves.
In his first thrust he charges the Eng
hshman with taking himself for the head
| and front of the universe. He says: The
| order of creation began, we are told In
protoplasm 1t has achieved at length
an Englishman. Herein are the culmina-
processes. Nature, like the seventh stand
ard boy in a board school, can get no high
er.' She made the Englishman, and her
| work, therefore, is done. For the con-
| tinued progress of the world and all that
| In ii is, the Englishman will make due pro-
vision. He knows exactly what is wanted
and by himself ii shall be supplied.
There is whole chapter of this, under
the caption of Apollo" Then Mr.. Mcneil
goes. a-gunning for the English sports
man" with a blunderbus loaded to the
muzzle with seventeen different kinds OF
shot. After amusing himself with a few
broadsides, he fires this: I'm brief, the
seems to be disappearing, and in his place
England will have the adipose, plethoric,
mechanical slayer of birds who goes to
his shoot in bath chair, and the cadav-
zealot. the chief joys of whose existence
are the cracking of filberts and the kick
.'fanneled fools and muddied OATS distich.
Mr.. Mcneil says: in response there is
an immediate and emphatic howl. Why
cannot the little man stick to his Recess
SIGNALS? How dare he call sportsmen like
RAM and Trott and Bloggs and Biffn
fianneled fools, much less the Tottenham
Hotspurs and Sheffield United muddied
OATS? Is it not time that the battle of
Waterloo was won on the playing fields
of Elton? Were not ianneled fools and
muddied OATS among the first to throw up
their home ties and fling themselves into
the imminent breach when the war broke
out? Are not cricket and football healthy
and admirable old English sports, and
pleasantly calculated to keep the youth
of the country out of much worse mischief
on Saturday afternoons? And so on right
down the line"
| The man of business is accused of aping
the aristocracy, instead of following in the
footsteps of his ancestors who made Eng
glish journalist Mr.. MCNEIL says, among
other mean things, is without opinions of
his own. He wouldn't dare express his
stop. II man wish to perceive to what
! degraded passes the art of writing may
come and yet retain the qualities of intelli-
! | gfbi1ty and apparent reaSonableness, says
Mr.. Mcneil, let him peruse the [IsOndon]
morning. papers and die the. death The
reek and offense of them smells to heaven.
There has been nothing like them,
ness and futility and banality in the his
tory OF the world. They are more to be
fearful of than the pestilence, inasmuch as
ruption of the public taste and the defiie-
ment of the public spirit. Their very literal
meSe to- rake tine edtons
their beer-guzzling, free-lunch-chasing pro-
clivities and their desire to do little
The employed person and chiffon
meaning the English women, come in for
tk nna Is iSS sttacEaS
pared with the fierce onslaught on the En-
, glish officer. THE fact is" says the au-
thor, that the monocied mountebank who
Is in the army don't you know, seldom OIL
never understands his job He is too busy
messing, and dancing, and flirting, anC
spending the time merrily. ever to learn It
That the honor of Britain and the lives OF
Englishmen, Scotsmen andI Irishmer
should be in his listless, damp hand fol
even as long as five minutes is an intoler.
haw, and yaw and yaw, on the barracl
square, and take salary out of the public
purse for doing it. shows s,. exactly how per-
The navy next comes i'm for a lombard
ment, and when the ships have been con
$ verted into battered hulks and the ad
rapid-fire gun, Mr.. Mcneil turns to more
godly affairs English churches, he says
have lone sauce but the number of theil
religions is as the sands of the sea- HI
indorses the statement that what is wanted
instead of religion, is social brotherhood
magic lantern entertainments, not coffes
and veal-and-ham pies, and screws of to-
bacco given away at the doors, wrapped III
, in tract, which you are liberty either t.
: read or to light your pipe with The Who'll,
English church business and its priests h.
D denounces as a game of cant and cadg,
and sham"
Chapters are devoted to 1.-The Politician.
5 Man-about-town,'' Drink Food" Law
and Order Recreation and 1.-The Stool
Enchange:" The concluding chapter i,
; called THE Beloved" and how 1.-The un
| speakable Scot loves the egregious En-
glish may be learned in the opening para
| graph
What is more beautiful meet to b,
D taken to the bosom than the Englishman
| Everybody loves him; his goings to and FIR,
| upon the earth are as the progresses of on,
: who has done all men good. He drops fat
! ness and blessings as he walks. He smiles
! benignity and graciousness and T-am-glad
; to-see-you-all-l ooking-so-well.' And befor
: him runs one in plush, crying: Who is tn,
! most popular man of this footstool?' an,
all the people shall rejoice and say: .Th
! Englishman-God bless him."
Mr.. Mcneil follows this with an ARA,
e | of verse written by Englishmen who hay,
illuminated their own country, and con
|, cludes his excoriation with the remark tina
! there is life in the old dog vet at AN,
a | rate. according to the old dog" ..'Th,
Egregious English" is published by G.
4 | Putnam's Sons, New York.
a Scientific Sfdelights.
The author of this work. James C. Fer