The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1903-06-08
THE PREPOSTEROUS YANKEE,
OUGHT TO BE NEPHEW, NOT UNCLE,
SAM, SAYS THIS ENGLISHMAN.
Gives Up Whole Chapter Of His Book to
"The American Liar"-Pokes Fun at
Our Civic Parades-But Admits That
the American Is the Worlds Best Soldier

Iut AWtTlCdn AIAT-fOhCs rum AT
Our Civic Parades-But Admits That
the American Is the Worlds Best Soldier
LONDON, May so.-"Montague Vernon
Ponsonby, ESQ.," as journalist who has
had considerable American experience
styles himself, has written a book. The
subject thereof may be guessed from the
title. "The Preposterous Yankee. MIR. "Pon-
sonby" declares in his preface that he is
"a candid friend of the United States, not
an enemy though he admits that some
Of the things he has written sound so disa-
greeable that he is almost ashamed to have
penned them. uncle SAM" he says,
paints himself as a full-grown man with
whiskers. This is fallacy. He is a very
raw, gawky youth, and he might better
be called Nephew SAM.
After telling us in the opening words
Of the first chapter that "The American is
free only in the Declaration of Indepen-
dence,' the writer goes on to describe in
detail the manners and customs Of his
subject The following passages are &C.
lected at random from an amusing volume:
This is how business man goes to lunch
in New York after he has sat half baked
in his oven-like Office for three hours he
suddenly jumps up and exhibits all the
symptoms of a mailman bent on escaping
from his cage. With wild scramble he
seizes his unbrushed hat, puts on an over
coat made of sort of shoddy felt and
before it is fairly on is rushing through
the corridors and yelping for the lift. which
has just passed his floor, to stop for him.
Half dazed. disheveled, frantic and hys-
terical, he arrives on the ground floor. So
intent is he on being first man to leave the
lift that he tramples down all who are in his
way, and, like person escaping from a
house on fire, bolts down into the street.
An Englishman who saw this performance
would be inclined to suppose that the per-
former was a defaulter escaping with all
the available assets of the bank. But he
would be mistaken. 1t is simply the presi-
dent Of one of the largest financial insti-
tutions in New York going out fer his
lunch"
A whole chapter is devoted to The Great
American Liar" One learns from II that
"the American always speaks in hyper
bole. Everything he says borrows the tint
Of the rainbow. He talks of millions of
tons of gold everything is huge, colossal
magnificent If an American eats a ham
sandwich, when talking about it he an
nounces that he has toasted like Lucul-
lus, that he has gorged himself with food,
that he is in danger of dying of apopleNy.
that he has eaten a hundred dollars worth
of nourishment If he drinks a glass of
water. he goes out and tells everyone that
he has just quaffed glass of nectar or a
beaker OF champagne. This, not to mag
nifty the ham sandw ich or the glass of water.
but to glorify himself, to show what
splendid fellow he is, how rich and prosper
Gus and powerful and colossal he is.
American millionaires, when they have
died and have been assessed blythe probate
court, generally yield about ZEN cents on the
dollar, The American thousand is about
three hundred. The American mile is al
most eight hundred yards. American news
paper circulation is 30 per cent. of the fig.
ures announced by the publisher. II you
count thrty-sto DRY American Sky-scraping
building. you will be lucky If you can find
twenty-six stories. Everyone is lying.
Americans lie in the pulpit. in court in
Congress and in their sleep.
If an American tells you that he sits
up all night. it means tina, he did not 60 to
bed until A. NJ l. he says that he has
just made 81 900 he means that he has
made s59. If he announces hat the theatre
was so absolutely crow dod that the audi
ence we're hanging on to the balcony by
their eyelids. he wishes you to understand
that the house was about half full If he
says that his wife's frock cost $500, and that
she bought It in Paris, he Is trying to ey-
plain to you that she has never been to
Paris in her life. and that her frock cost
$40 at Broadway dry goods store, and that
not of the first class either"
The American confuses noise and boast
with work. If he has sonnet hing to do,
he thinks that It Is half done or very nearly
wholly done II he has talked about il for a
long time. So impressed is he with the
import ance of conversation that he often
confuses his resolve to do thing with its
being done
$50 no. iceahIe is this characteristic that
an English war correspondent who served
in the Spanish American War and who
really admired the American galantry
displayed there, made the observation that
Americans were the only really brave men
of any nation whom he had met who hoasted
of being brave.
Nearly all American progress consists
in irresponsible talk indilged in around
barrooms. The Americans declare that
they intend TO conquer Europe, but much
Of the conquering is to he done by persons
who can barely pay their fare to Europe.
come here on Clnarders, and with patent
machines which are going TO drive several
Englishmen into the nearest workhouse.
or with great schemes for converting the
Tower Of London into glue factory. hang
around the Hotel Cecil's American bar for a
fe weeks never iaggingin their Boosting
and talking, and then go and sit on the door
step of the American Ambassador in a vain
deavor TO induce him to pay their fares
back to the preposterous country from
which they came.
Washington is more or less of school
of oratory, where gentlemen with trombone
voices below out incorrect conclusions
based upon wrong information.
Patriotism in America does not mean so
much the love Of ones own country as a
hatred Of other countries and an intolerance
Of kings and feudalism
One chapter ia headed: THE habit which
the Preposterous American is developing
Of donning cooked hats and blue and scarlet
clothes. and of giving himself ridiculous
titles, and marching in a sort of circus
procession which he calls Civic Parade ~
The writer deduces from this that "the
yoarning to dress himself like a barrel
organ monkey is inherent in every Am ri
can" Labor Dav parade is then described
for the benefit of tho untravelled English-
man, who learns that:
"Once year all the bands in America
participate in procession Sandwiched
- l..txx NlANt,