The Washington times., 1903-12-23
FREE~HAND COMMENT
ON MEN AND MANNERS

Dear Santa Claus, 1 want a dol,
That when you squeaze her she will sQuol.
And bigern that 1 Jain Smith had,
Soz when she seas min sheel feal bad.
Eye want a trunck too hold her things,
Sum dishes an too fingur rings,
A CRATE big rooster, fin an dandy,
What haint got noe insides cept handy,
A books of paints, falls fails too,
Soz eve kan scair mi bruther bloc,
An leven stix Of big long gumm-
An say-mi bruther wants drum.
Oh. i've ben good for 20 daze,
Your littel friend, Matilda Hays
Those employees OF the Treasury De-
partmsnt who, misled by Virginia cal
endar. had planned TO celebrate the
birthday of Robert Z. Lee. deserve COM
miseraticn. There is no disappointment
keener than that OF holiday that
might have been"
1t has always been the custom of
scuIptors, poets and painters TO i'm
mortalize the rulers Of the countries in
which they have lived, and the faces
of nearly all the great OF antiquity have
come down to us. preserved in imperish-
speaking canvas. Theodore Roosevelt Is
no less fortunate than other rulers In
this respect. though one admiring artist
has chosen a material which cannot,
from the very nature OF things. defy
the tooth of time. This artist has
chosen the broad backs of lambs to be
hung in the windows OF shops as his
canvas, and has thereon etched with
infinite care and Parasshian skill those
striking features that are now engraved
upon the hearts of so many Americans
II seems like mockery to commit go
consummate a work of art to such a
perishabie canvas. for even though there
should be found none willing to. commit
the sacrilege of eating the animals thus
decorated. yet they cannot be kept in
definitely. But what a curiously gifted
man is this patriotic fellow-citizen of
ours: butcher. and portrait etcher on
the backs of pigs and lambsl
Our distinguished fellow-citizen. Mr.
| Fred Heisman, who is wanted in Sc
many different cities of the world for
separating" confiding ladies from their
money, seems TO have met with his
greatest success in Boston. New Eng
land should be a paradise for gentle
men of Mr.. Heisman's profession. II
fairly swarms with old lSaids having
| small sums of morey, on the interest oi
| which they subsist. These old maids
exist-they do not live-during many
years, in which nothing ever happens
They become careless OF persona.
adornment. feed upon fried egg plant
! dyspeptic pie, and beans. and read
Emerson and Emily Dickinson. One
imagines that they have forgotten the
existence of the other sex and are a.
| emotionless as mummies. They are Sc
| aggressively modest that one mus
speak Of the ''undraped' eye in theil
! presence; yet these very old maids. I'll
death closes their faded orbs. are yearn.
ing more intolerably Cor the society Of
! men-of a man-than = Christian fol
heaven. There is more human love IN
the withered bosom of one Of them thar
| was ever felt by all TIE houris in tn,
AIohammedan paradise. The enterpris
ing gentleman that viii go there anS
fatter one Of them can most easil!
separate" her from her money. which
is the supreme test IN New England
Our fellow-townsman. therefore. Mr.
Fred Heisman. displayed real business
ability when he took himself and hi
wicked arts 70 New England.
Smith-Good gracious. Jones, YOUR
a wreck. Your hat is battered in, you
coat is cCrn, your necktie is up unde
your essr. your shoes are covered VIZ
mud. as though somebody had beui
walking over your feet. Have you beer
IN a labor riot?
Jones-Worse than that!
Smith-Been run over by an automo
bile2
| JOnes-Worse than that
Smith-Been in a fire scare at a thea
! ter?
Jones-Norse than that. Been Christ
mas shopping with my wife.