The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1903-02-02
JHYLOCK HOMES:
HIS POJTHUJNOUJ MEMOIRS
By JOHN KENDRICK BANGS

Copyright, 1903, by John Kendrick Bangs.
l.-Mr. Homes Radlates a Wireless Mes
sage.
The ways of spirits are past finding out.
I have had to do with no end OF them In
my day, and they have appealed to me
in ways SO varied that book Of consid-
cradle proportions might be written on
THE Methods of Spook Manifestation.
For instance, incredible as 1t may seem,
almost all of Shakspere's many ghosts
have honored me with visitation. The
ghost Of Caesar, that appeared before
Brutus on the eve of the battle of Philip
pi, spent whole night in my company at
my camp in the Adirondack some years
ago, and frankly confessed that he was
not the ghost of Caesar at all, but trans
parent fakir impressed into the service
Of Mark Antony to rattle Brutus before
the fight on promise Of government JOB
under the administration of Antony, which
the famous Roman forgot to give him
when the time came.
Upon another occasion, upon his own
invitation, the ghost of Hamlet's father
gave me an interview which l never
sought and would not seek again, Tor the
old gentleman was a fearful bore; MAS
matte to the last degree, and fuller OF
malarial germs than I should like to say
It is true he told me much that shed con-
siderable light upon the character OF ms
son, and he definitely settled In my nina
the much mooted question or the autnor-
ship Of the tragedy, demonstrating pe-
You'd peradventure that neither Shakspere
nor Bacon had anything to do with It,,
and setting up a claim for Sir Walter ia
leigh and Queen Elizabeth in coilabora-
ton, which I found as convincing as II
was diverting. He assured me that Ham
let was mad, adding that the prince mad
/ ;rL 70 Io
! treated by actors Of subsequent ages, eX-
pressing certain drastic opinions as to the
methods these gentlemen employed Ill
doing him.
''They do him all right" the old spirit
calculated with some heat, and II any
Of 'em ever venture to shuttle off this
| mortal coil and come down our way, ano
Hamlet's friends, beginning with 4or1ck
and ending with Horatio, will return inc
compliment with principal and interest.
He then began diatribe against the
whole dramatic profession, Wh1ch nllally
became so offensive that had to employ
a -extinguisher to lay him. HIS ap-
proach was through the vent of bath
tub attached to my room In motel al
Copenhagen, and he was the most nlei'
ancholy Dane that ever was.
Other spirits as well have appfoacnee
my sanctum, and in other ways. L III
stance few cases which may not CONF
aniss in convincing the incredulous
Samson, egged on no doubt by tales OF tn
prowess Of the strong men OF to-day
penetrated to my sanctum one evening
not long ago with highly enterta1nlnl
paper on 'The bone as an Aid to tn
Strenuous Life" I have copied it iron
samson's somewhat ill-writ manuscript
to be published posthumously. 1t is to-
drastically good for me to let 1t go nov
while there are so many puglilsts aproa
who have better liking for the sand-ba
than they might have for the views Q
pioneer of their profession Jonah ha
? placed in my hands his impressions Q
. submarine navigation which are undouDt
: eddy interesting, but too crudely written t
II be Immediately available. Noah ha
asked me to write Of Forty Days on tn
Vastly Decp or Afoat with a Zoo'-in
deed he has handed me the manuscript {
- that diverting work, but his style is a
sloppy as were his days, and valuable a
the story is historically, have had n
time to pump it into English. A
equally bad case is Elisha's narrative c
! 1.-The First Automobile, and How
. Scorched.'' Even Adam has risen up on
of the dim recesses of the past to offe
: me the full mundane royalties upon IN
, Summer in a Garden as he calls de
l liciously humorous series of papers whic
: some day hope to present to the public
Shylock Homes has transferred to m
his most recent memoirs and as hav
read them over they have proven so alb
sorbingly interesting, that while turning
my back upon Boswell, Jonah, Adam an
others of equal Importance, I could no
= justify myself in Withholding Mr. Homes
further tales from the public. Yet befor
presenting them to your delighted gaze
, dear reader, feel that I should stat
in as few words as possible the precis
= manner in which they came into my pos
session. In itself, the story Of the grea
, detectives method of approaching me
is entertainingly original and worthy o
that astute mind to which there was NJ
such thing the truly mysterious. T.
put 1t briefly, Mr. Homes transmitted hi
Eperiods to me by wireless telegraphy, not
=, however, by Mr.. Marconis system, bu
+ after a fashion that completely throws tn
famous Italian inventors achievement il
the shade. and at the moment not onl
, filed me with wonderment but convince,
+ me that five years in the neither region
, had in no wise diminished the marvelou
, ingenuity of the erstwhile great detective
The affair happened in my apartment II
New York as the, small refrigerator
hibernate in in Harlem is called by tn
agent of the tenement of which it is
part. This apartment has many virtue
and some drawbacks. Among the latter
y and the only feature Of the situation tina
has any bearing upon the narrative is
+ small steam radiator, richly gilded an
gayly decorated with stenciled wreaths g
: Empire pattern. This apparatus, by som
ingenious stroke of the architect, de
. signed TO heat the sfx rooms If tho q ~, #