davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Lincoln County record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1900-1905, 1903-12-04
he c ARE 4 FsWt

Wht Il the difference between d
weelan nh,l an umbreila? You cn
shut IN umbrella up.
Il thirty.'wo degrees is freeing
point what is sqneez ng point? Two
in t shade
What would contain al the snuff
iu the world? No Que nose (tnows J
Whit is the difference between a
garduer and a chinaman? One keeps
the lawn wet, and the other keeps
the lawn dry (laundry.)
Why would it be very appropriate
for man named Benjamin to marry
girl named Annie? Because he
soald be Benne-ftted and she Annie
mated
What is the difference between
lady and an apple? One you have
to get side her to squeeze, and the
other you have to squeeze to get
cider.
Whv is music cheaper ON Sunday
tban during the week? Because dur
ing the week you get it by the piece
and on Sunday you get it by the
choir.
What is the different between a
hill and pill? One is hard to get
up, the other is hard to get down.
Why is watchdog larger by
night than by day? Because at night
be is let out, and in the day he is
taken in.
Why is hen immortal? Because
her son never sets.
A few days ago rather bashful
young woman went into store
carrying thvee chickens. She in
quired the price of chickens and at
the same time put them on the
counter. The clerk didn't know the
chickens feet were tied and asked
if they would lay there. She bit her
handkerchief and said: No, sir, they
are roosters.
The following is a copy of a letter
received by Quebec firm of bicycle
manufactures, from one of their Gus
toners:
Sherebrook, P Q. Aug '03
mister T. j. Jones and companee,
Notre Dame st, Montreal, P. @. |
Dear Sir
receev de bicykel witch by from
you alrite but for why you don't send |
me no saddel, wat is de use of de
bicykel when She don't have no sad
del. am loose to me my customer
sure ting by no having de saddel |
and dats not very much pleasure for
Me. wat is de matter wit you mister
jones and companee, is not my |
moneys so good like annoder mans
you loos to me my trade and am
very anger an now / tells to you
dat you are a dam fools aud no good
mister T. j. Jones and companec,
i send to yo back at wunce you
bic kel tomorrow far shure bekawse
you are such dam foolishness
people. yours respeckfullee,
j. B. ST. DENNIS.
P. S. since rite dis letter j find
de saddel in the box. excuse to me.
Lincoln County record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1900-1905, 1903-12-04
NOTICE
For Contract Bids.

BY order of the County 'oommissioners will
rece We sealed bios for Thirty t3Ol cords Of good
cedar wood to b. delivered Nt the Court House in
Pioche, said bids 10 be submitted by October 5th.
a. the Clerk Office
Tue said BOARD reserves the right to reject
any and all bids
JAS A. EEsBITT,
County Clerk and Ex.othco Clerk Of the
Board nf County Commissioners
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1903-09-17
G. S. Osborne, Druggist.
School Notas.

The South Western Iowa
Teachers Association will be
held at Council Bluffs, Iowa,
October %, %, "a. One of the
important features of this asso-
citation will be the exhibit of
manual training work done in
the grades Of the city schools.
Manual training in the home
will tend to counterfeit certain
attractions of the street, and to
combine useful occupation
with healthful recreation. We
are glad to note manual train
ing is being encouraged in
some of the homes of Missouri
Valley. Let the head, the hand.
and the heart work together.
The city addresses of the
teachers in the Second ward
are as follows:
Mr.. James Kendrick, No. 7O7
Huron street.
Miss Jessie P. Hastings, S.
w. corner Huron and Seventh
streets.
Miss Harriet B. Merritt, S.
w. corner Huron and Seventh
streets.
Miss Edith L. Hatch, No. 3O7
Second street.
Miss Mary K. Wilson, No.
SIG N. Sixth street.
Miss Maude p. Clark, No. 301
Fourth street.
Mrs. r. L. Kendall, No. SEQ
Third street.
Mrs. Hattie Wilson, No. SI3
Erie street.
We appreciate the co-opera-
ton of parents in securing
punctuality but it is neither
convenient nor desirable to
have pupils on the school ground
at 8 o'clock.
While the public schools of
this city do not have a kinder
garten department some kim
dergarten work is done in the
first and second grades. We
would greatly appreciate it if
the business houses would CO.
operate with us, in laying aside
clean waste paper for cutting
and folding. Ribbon paper does
nicely for this work.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1903-09-17
Crop Bulletin.

For week ending September
IA, 1903. Des Moines, Iowa.
The past week has been UNI
seasonably cool, wet and cloudy.
The average temperature was
but little below normal, but the
large excess of rainfall and
general prevalence of cloudi-
ness made it unfavorable for
rapid maturing of crops and
farming operations. Threshing
has been delayed, and grain in
shock and stack has suffered
very considerable damage.
Reports indicate that corn
has made some advancement
toward maturity, but not as
rapidly as seems necessary for
the safety of the bulk OF the
crop. EARLY planted corn is re-
ported to be mostly beyond
danger Of harm by frost in the
northeast district, and in fav-
ored localities in the southeast
district; but for the state at
large the percentage of we'll
matured corn is as yet relative
ly small. The bulk of the crop
needs two or three weeks of
good ripening weather. The
conditions have been favorable
for pasturage, which was never
better at this time of the year.
Apples and potatoes are about
as previously reported.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1903-09-17
Bucklen's Arnica salve.

Has world wide fame for mar
Vicious cures. 1t surpasses any
other salve, lotion, ointment or
balm for cuts, corns, burns,
boils, sores, felons, ulcers,tetter,
salt rheum, fever sores, chapped
hands, skin eruptions; infallible
for piles. Cure guaranteed.
Only Csc at Elliott & Harveys
drug store. $50
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1903-09-17
Low RATES
SOUTH. and SOUTHEAST

On September 18th and October 20 The
LOUISVILLE 6 NASHVILLE Ry viii sell
ltOuud rrip rlckels from st. Louis,
Evansville, Louisville and Cincinnati
TO the following points ut thu lowest
rates ever named. Tickets will be good
for twenty-"n. (2D days from
date ut sale. and st"pOvers will be per-
united Oh gong trip 1T points south "f
KeuLucky Tennessee state lime:
FROM ST. LOU, TO
Sew Orleans, sig An,Anla ssi3
.oDilo, Sl2 Mon. gOMcIy, Sl2
birmingham, $l2 Pensac,ia, Sl4fO
FIR M CHICAGO 10
New Orn ans, $l6 Atlanta, $l5
..ubl.e, SIG Montgomery. SIG
birmingham $15 Pensacola, ss28
FROM LOUISVILLE 10
New Orleans. $l4 ATLANTA, $ll
Noble, $l4 Montgomery. $l4
Birmingham, $ll Pensacola. $l4
FROM CINcINN ATT 10
New Orleans, $14 Atlanta. III
Mobile, $l4 Montgomery. sl4
s,rm,npham $Il Pensacola STA
FROM EN ANSViLLE TO
New Orleans. $l2 Atlanta. Sll
Mobile. $l2 Nom gomerv $l2
Birmingham. Sill Pensacola. IA
Rates to Intermediate Points to be
he same
Propnrtionstely low rates to points
vest of New Orleans as far as Hons
on TO Jacksonville. Fra and intel
Mediate points, $500 higher than rate
o Atlanta.
Taee advantage of these very Il u
ates to make u trip through the South
y investigate IFS wonderful resource.
nd opportunities.
Time ,aDies. folders, maps anu d.
criptlve litera'nre relative Z" land
r,,ck and stock farming a.ung the LII.
ha
LOUISVILLE 6 NASHVILLE RI
vll he sen, upon application I" q. l.
TONE, General Passenger Agent
louisville, Nv
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1903-09-17

A. L. Haight is building a
$1,000 residence on his fruit
farm south of st. John.
Jake Jackson and wife, of
Glenwood, who have been in
the Valley for the past week
visiting friends, leave for home
tomorrow. We acknowledge a
pleasant call from Mr.. Jackson.
He was a resident of the Valley
up to 1869, and was the first
brakeman on the old S. G.. & p.
under old Fowler and Sammy
futile.
j. E. Kirkwood and F. w.
Myers have organized a party
of land seekers and will leave
tomorrow afternoon for Spok-
ane, Wash. There will be about
fifteen in the party and they
will travel via the Burlington
Route, going via Denver and
Salt Lake City. Mrs. Myers
will accompany the party to
Ogden, Utah, where she will
spend several days visiting re-
latives
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1903-09-17
Monday, Sept ID

G. H. Deur, the lumber man,
says that there is considerable
building in the country adjacent
to the Valley.
Guy Cox, who has been
spending the summer vacation
here with his parets, Mr.. and
Mrs. John L. Cox, departed
Saturday evening for Iowa
City to resume his law studies
at the State University. Rem
Moore joined him at Dunlap
and together they will spend a
few days with Des Moines ac-
quaintances.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1903-09-17
Lishtlsins's Queer Prank.

Llsiltning's Queer Prank.
During the electrical storm
yesterday morning lightning
struck the large cottonwood
tree in front of the A. L. Ames
home on North First street. A
ball of fire about the size of a
hat followed down the chimney
and struck the stove in the
kitchen. At the time, Mrs.
Ames was sitting with her feet
in the oven of the stove, and
although slightly stunned she
was uninjured.
|. D. Mason brought in a sam
pie of his corn to the Times Of
flee, last Saturday. The ears
are about twelve inches long,
and are out of the way of frost.
He has about fifty acres of this
kind of corn.
David Beckwith resumed his
work with the American Ex-
prpss Company this morning
after a ten days vacation.
Rev. j. M. Williams, Pastor
of the M. q. Church of this city,
left this morning to attend the
conference at Indianola. En-
route there he will spend a
short time with Creston acquain-
tances and expects to be absent
about two weeks.
Emil johnson returned home
last night after several days
pleasure trip to Deadwood and
other Black Hills points. When
he left Deadwood Saturday
night the ground was covered
with snow to a depth of seven
inches and the snow was still
falling. The storm extended
clear to Buffalo Gap.
Mrs. Arthur McGinnis Of
Hawarden, has arrived in the
city and will spend a few days
here visiting her mother, Mrs
John Spaniel.
Eczema, scald head, hives
itchiness of the skin of any sort
instantly relieved, permanently
cured. Doan's Ointment. Al
any drug store. $50
Born, Saturday, to MIR. anC
Mrs. Earl Myers, a daughter.
Emil Bramon left this morn
ling on a few weeks western
trip. He expects to visit Den
yer, Salt Lake City and other
western cities before returning
home.
Mr.. and Mrs. John Deur de
parted this morning for Oma-
ha, thence to their home in
Wall Lake. They spent Sunday
here visiting Mr.. Deur's par
ents, Mr.. and Mrs. Jos. Deur.
q. A. Wade is in Neville on a
brief business trip.
Orville Frazier leaves tomor-
row for Livingston, Montana,
where he will make his future
home.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1903-09-17
No. 3l89.
REPORT OF THE CONDITION
OF THE
First National Bank ut Missouri Val
ley, in the State of Iowa. at the
close of business, Sept 8, 1903

ley, in the State of Iowa. at the
close of business, Sept. 9, 1903
RESOURCES.
Loans and discounts. ........... l6a3g3 81
Overdrafts, secured and unsecured. 1920 W
U. y. bonds to secure circulation $4,000 0l
Stocks securities. etc.............. G91 !O
Banking house furniture aud fixtures Glt;5 no
Other real estate owned ..... .... 5000 GU
Due from other national banks (not
reserve agents) ... ...... 4425 "A
Due from State Banks and Bankers, 75D 90
Due from approved reserve agents.. 23SlS Sc
Checks and other cash items. 1862 80
Notes of other national banks....... 1000 W.
and cents 224 IS
Lawful money reserve III bank, viz
specie .s........... Si436 w
Legal tender notes.. 234i 90 1854 81
Redemption fund with U. 8. treas
urer Is per cent of .irculation).. $500 90
Total 2S5G43 IS
LIABILITIES
CAPITAL stock paid in ............ 10000 OO
Surplus fund Observation-Disclosures. 10000 OU
taxes paid $3.50 81
National bank notes outstanding. 10000 on
Individual deposits subject to check. llO532 63
Demand certificates of deposit. 5553l "a
Total ......... -ooofo 80
State of Iowa, 90.
County of Harrison,
l, Jno. y. McGavrcn, cashier of the above
named bank, do solemnly swear that the above
statement is true to the best of my knowledge
and belief JNo 8 MCGAvREN. Cashier
Subscribed and sworn to before me this l4th
day of September 1903
Notary Public
Correct-Attest:
II. Foss.
q. II. Denr, Directors.
Geo. A. Kellogg,
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1903-09-17

Burdock Blood Bitters gives
a man a clear head, an active
brain, a strong, vigorous body
makes him fit for the battle
of life. $50
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1903-09-17
and of Unineok, one of the u.s.

eAAAN VI O1iAlOOh, Ol1O VI Viz 49,
ands off the coast of Alaska.
The mammoth was thought to
be an extinct animal ON this
earth over 10000 years ago.
DR.. Frizzel says he is going back
to find the animal. IL he finds
it his name may be FRAGILE in
tead of Frizzle.
The manager of the Waldorf
Astoria, in New York City, gets
asalary of Five HUN .lfed Thous-
dollars a year.
The Council Bluffs Nonpareil's
Illustrated Magazine Supple
mont, issued Sept. 9th, is the
neatest piece Of work that has
been done in the way of a news
paper supplement in the west.
The magazine contains 50 pages
of splendid illustrations Of the
principle business men and bu-
siness enterprises of the city of
Council Bluffs. The descriptive
articles are we'll written, al d
the whole book is carefully AMI
neatly printed. 1t shows what
a difference there is between
the Nonpariel of today and the
Nonpareil of ten years ago.
The Nonpareil of today is one
of the leading dailies in thestate,
we'll edited, and enterprising in
everything that will rebound to
the good Of Council Bluffs and
western Iowa. 1t demonstrates
Whit energetic management can
do in a great newspaper Office.
George q. Roberts, head of
government mintagc, says that
Silver has seen its worst days,
and from now on it will rise in
value. This will be good news
Ito the west.
Onawa Sentinel: C. A. Moss
mad the fortune to find a very
valuable relic last week in the
shape of a petrified buffalo head,
with the horns in place. He
was driving along on the Beav-
Fer, where the recent rains had
washed out a deep ditch, in
which at some time had been a
marsh, and had uncovered this
head and some other bones.
The head is a large one with
the horns intact, while the whole
has turned to solid stone. The
find is undoubtedly a valuable
one.
A man left the Samaritan
Hospital in Sioux City with
out a stomach. This useful
member had been removed four
weeks ago, and the man is get
ting along as we'll without it as
he did with it. If this man lives
and thrives, there are hundreds
of men who will have their
stomachs removed before cold
weather and GRUB" will be
scarce. A man without a stom-
ach wouldn't have to eat any
thing.
The grape growers around
Council Bluffs are now shipping
two car load of grapes per day
from that city. This years crop
is only about fifty per cent of
last years crop, but the quality
of the grape is said to be much
better than last year. The hills
around Missouri Valley could
be made to produce as many
grapes as the hills around Coun-
Gil Bluffs, by a little effort in
that direction.
The Iowa Methodist Confer
ence in session at Muscatine,
last weak, adopted resolutions
favoring the reduction of the
probation period" to 3 months.
A man might be able to be good
three months, when if he had
to go nine months he might
"backslide" and miss the golden
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1903-09-17
Editorial Notes

Twenty-Five years ago toGay,
we led the handsonlest girl in
Iowa (she looked that way to us)
to the altar, and promised to
love, cherish and protect her, &c
until death docs us part" Well,
we have done cur best during
these Twenty-Five years, and so
has she, and we have never had
cause to regret the step taken
hat day. We are neither OF
usquite so handsome as we were
swenty-nine years ago, but we
know considerable more about
the realities of life than we did
then. Twenty mine years is q
long time to work together, but
if we feel as hearty and strong
then as we do now, we will be
together a hundred years from
now.
DR.. Kennedy, Secretary of the
State Board of Health, says that
the health of the people of Iowa
is much better this year than
it has been for fifteen years.
He claims that the incessant
rains of this season have washed
all the impurities from the sur
face of the ground, consequent
ly the festive microbe has been
unable to find a resting place.
The Doctor is the first man yet
heard from who has found any
benefits from the terrible rains
of this summer. The DR.. de-
serves the thanks of the people
for his discovery.
The tax levy in Sioux City is
80 and five-tenths mills. That is
a town we wouldn't want to own
any property in. How a man
could loan money in that city at
five per cent. interest and pay
a tax of 90.5 mills is more than
we can figure out. When we
go loaning our money we won't
invest in Sioux City.
Sixty-five thousand people at
tended the Carnival in Coun-
Gil Bluffs during last week, and
it is said to have been the most
orderly crowds ever gotten to-
gether in Iowa. Council Bluffs
and the Elks OF that city have
a right to feel proud of the i'm
mense success Of the Carnival.
1t was good to be there. Some
of the police Of that city feel
that the crowds were so we'll
behaved that the police force
didn't even earn their salary.
This is a Nonpareil statement
about the police, and you need
emit believe it unless you want
to.
The Avoca Fair was abandon
ed on account of the rainy
weather. This has been a bad
year on county fairs in Iowa.
DR.. Frizzel, a member of the
government scientific expedition
to Alaska, says that he found
fresh tracks of the Mammoth
in the ice and snow on the ISL
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1903-09-17

]. b Jensen, baggage master
at the North Western station,
returned to work this morning
after a few days off duty be-
cause Of sickness.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1903-09-17
PLAY FOR PURSE OF 500
AND TRIMMINGS
woedblne and Persia Ball Teams
Contest for Purse at Logan
Tuesday.

Tuesday.
The managers of the Wood
bine and Persia base ball teams
have arranged for a game of
base ball to be played at Logan,
Tuesday, September 22d, for a
purse of $500 and all gate re-
ceipts. 1t has been agreed that
all home players will be used
by both teams and the fans are
looking for a great contest.
The money and contracts are
now deposited with the State
Savings Bank at Logan.
Miss Grace Hancock depart
ed today to resume her studies
at Grinnell, after spending the
summer vacation with her
mother in this city.
Engine 21S, pulling the
North Western fast mail lost a
tire at Honey Creek this morn
ing while travelling at full
speed. The engine was partial
ly derailed and blocked the west
bound main line for several
hours. The wrecking crew from
the shops was sent down and
had the line open for travel be-
fore noon.
A. C. Middleton returned to
Belle Plaine this morning after
an over Sunday visit with his
parents in Omaha and an ac-
quaintance in this city.
A change is to be made this
week in the makeup of the
postal clerk crews on the Mis-
souri, Valley-Long Pine run.
Clerk Owen Stuckey, who sue
ceeded Clerk Saunders, will be
transferred to a Norfolk-Long
Pine run and Alex Ashton from
the Long Pine-Deadwood run
will succeed him.
No such thing as summer
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1903-09-17

The Iowa Methodist Confer
ence in session at Muscatine,
last weak, adopted resolutions
favoring the reduction of the
probation period" to 3 months.
A man might be able to be good
three months, when if he had
to go nine months he might
"backslide" and miss the golden
streets Of the New Jerusalem.
The City of Joliet, Illinois,
is now filming seven different
railroads $1oo a day each, for
not raising their tracks, accor-
ding to the city ordinance. Sew
en- hundred dollars a day is a
pretty good income for a town
the size of Joliet to get ger
day in fines.
Ceredo advance. [volume] (Ceredo, W. Va.) 1885-1939, 1903-09-23
They had their echo the other day

They had their echo the other day
in words of man of action, the
President of the United States.
Said he. ''The capitalist should
heartily welcome every effort, legis-
lative or otherwise, which has for it's
object - secure lair dealings by
capital, corporate or individual.
Such laws as the Franchise Tax i'm
the state OF New York, which the
court of appeals of that state recent
ly unanimously decided unconstitu.
t.Onal, such laws are in the interest
not merely of the people as whole,
but of the propertied classes. For
In no way is the stability of prop
erty better assured than by making
it patent to our people that property
bears its proper share OF the BURDEN
of the state"
Ceredo advance. [volume] (Ceredo, W. Va.) 1885-1939, 1903-09-23
The Pleasure of Eating.

Persons suffering from indi.
gestion, dyspepsia or other
stomach trouble will find that
kodol Dyspepsia Cure digests
what you eat ana makes the
stomach sweet. This remedy is
never failing cure for Indl-
gestion and Dyspepsia and all
complaints affecting the glands
or mem branes of the stomach or
digestive tract. When you take
kodol Dyspe psia Cure everythin
you eat tastes good. and every bit
of the nutriment that your food
contains IS assimilated and ap-
propriated by the blood and tbs.
sues. Sold bv w. NJ. Bloss,
Ceredo; r. N. Williams, Kenova.
Ceredo advance. [volume] (Ceredo, W. Va.) 1885-1939, 1903-09-23
The Genuine VS.. Counterfeits

The genuine is always better
than counterfeit, but the truth
OF this statement is never more
forcibly realized or more thor
ougly appreciated than when you
compare the genuine DeWitt's
Witch Hazel Salve with the manv
counterfeIts and worthless su bsti.
tutes that are on the market. w.
S. Eedbetter, of Shreveport, La. =,
says: CATER using numerous other
remedies without benefit, one box
of DeWitt's Witch Hazel Salve
cured me-" For blind, bleeding
itching and protrudlng piles no
remedy is equal to DsWitt's Witch
Hazel Salve. Sold by w. NJ.
Bloss, Ceredo; R. N. Williams,
Kenova.