The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1903-07-29
HUMOROUS.

WlgWag-fOur WlIe Is n tnlng OF
beauty, old man. Henpeckke-Yas.a q
thing of beauty and jaw forever.
Wig-Not all the bric-a-brac Is
what 1t is cracked up to be. wagg-
No; sometimes there are some pretty
bad breaks.
Miss Yellowleaf-I don't believe
you have the nerve to propose. What
are you afraid Of? Oldbach-You
might say yes.
Sillicus-When, in your judgment,
is a man old enough to marry? Cyni-
cus-Not until he is old enough to
have better sense.
Nell-Was the bride self-possess-
ed? Belle-Of course not. How can
bride be self-possessed when she is
being given away?
Tommy-Pop, what is an an.
tithesis? Tommy's Pop-An antithesis,
my son, is an-er-um-well, your
mother is an antithesis.
Sharpe-Yes, Parker invented the
safest airship ever heard Of. Wheal-
ton-But 1t refused to fly. You
couldn't go up on 1t. Sharpe-That's
why say 1t was the safest.
Teacher-Now, Johnny. can you tell
me what causes darkness? Johnny
The gas companies. Teacher-why
do you think they cause It? Johnny
Cause they need the money.
Mandy, I'm glad to see that your
new hat hasn't any stuffed songbirds
on it." ''Of course 1t hasn't, auntie.
The dear, sweet little things are get
ting to be dreadfully out of style now"
$50 you have decided to get an
other physician" II have" answered
Mrs. Cumrox. "The idea of his pre-
scribing flaxseed tea and mustard
plasters for people as rich as we are?"
sharpe-say. old man, lend me
your automobile goggles. want to
protect my eyes from the dust. wheal-
ton-But you have no automobile.
sharpe-No; am going to beat my
carpets.
Il should like to speak to you,"
said the egotistical young man, about
the subject that is nearest my heart"
60 ahead" replied the fippant girl.
Il rather like to hear you talk about
yourself"
-Photosrapher-Beg pardon, sir, but
can't you look a little less stern and
severe? Sitter-Never mind how stern
I look. This photograph is for cam.
paign use. l am candidate for Judge.
Go ahead.
Muggins-My wife is a great stick
er for the harmony Of colors. Buggins
lis that SO. Mugeins-Why, can't
buy q new necktie that she doesn't
want q new carpet, or wallpaper, or
rug to match it.
Say, paw" queried Tommy Tod.
dies, '"is a ring around the moon a
sign Of rain? That's what" replied
the old man, with a sigh long drawn
out. "And ring around a woman's
third finger is sign of more reign"
Builder-Yas, sir, this house has Just
been finished, and is for rent at q
very reasonable figure. Homeseeker-
Will you give me lease for five years? ?
Builder-Five years? You must be
daft. In half that time it will be dry
enough for me to live in myself.
Little Dot-Mamma, don't think
Uncle George is half as smart as he
tries to make people believe he is.
Mamma-Why do you think that,
dear? Little Dot-Because he claims
to understand Ave or six different
languages and yesterday had to tell
him what the baby was saying.
"If I'm not home promptly for din
ner, my dear" said McDangle. you
mustn't forget that our Board Of
Directors has decided to hold afternoon
sessions until further notice" And
the wise woman smiled softly and
pictured the Board of Directors up in
the grand stand vigorously deriding
ho ,,par{ra