Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1903-07-31


Now if you owned this little space
And would fill it with an adj"
1t would bring you many dollars
That you. no doubt, wish you had.
Because N orth Yakima has O vine
gar factory and the Herald, it is ne
reason whatever to say she is vel
preserved in brine.
The trouble is, the woman VIII {
plays the piano "for her own anu Sc
ment," sometimes consents to play fol
the amusement of others.
Women are natural match max ers
when not trying to match person,
they are At the bargain counter match
ing dress goods and ribbons.
Its tough on man when he step.
on piece of banana peel, falls, and is
arrested for giving a street perform
ance and causing an obstruction.
Many man will gracefully sur
render his seat in car to lady and
as gracefully retain his place in bed
while his wife walks" the baby.
Since the trust stocks have shrunk
81, 766, 100000, Mr.. ]. Pierpont Nor.
gan still parts his name in the mid.
die, but it has a kind OF wilted look.
Mary had a little lamb.
But both have long been dead;
If Mary were alive to-day,
Shed want "mobe" instead.
The Kings of Europe have had a
good chance to look into the teeth OF
Uncle Sans navy, and they will be
slow to get their heads into its jaws.
1t was Coxey's army few years ago
but now it is Mother Jones' army. II
is not the cry OF keep of the grass, -
now, but keep away from Oyster
Bay"
William Shakespeare is a waiter in
q Utah restaurant. 1t must be quite
embarrassing to him to have a man
look him coldly in the eye and order
bacon.
Carry the news to Boston A San
Francisco firm that tried to corner the
bean market for the purpose of run.
ming up the price met with ignomious
failure.
There is at least one Judge in Bos.
ton that is bubbling over with patriot.
ism. He fined man ten dollars the
other day for using the American flag
for q rag-bag.
We wish mosquitoes would try the
different brands OF breakfast foods, in.
stead of using our frame as a prospect
claim, and boring us in hopes OF find
ing blood-well.
Senator Hanna has gone to Newport,
where he may share public attention
with Harry Lehr's parrot and the
society girls whose golden hair is hang
ing down their backs.
Since it has been belted with cleo.
tricity we may expect this old Earth
to be freed from its many ills. Elec-
trio belts will cure anything under the
sun, you know, or money refunded.
A firm in Delphi, Ind, proposes to
manufacture a good, cheap substitute
for coal. The people will wait and
see what happens and in the mean
time continue to use the old reliable.
What a pleasure it would be to have
rs long bank account as was the re-
port of the first-day doings of the
Bankers Convention at Whatcom, as
appeared in the P.-I. and Times of Sc.
attic.
Marshall P. Wilder asks: "What
is the difference between a sewing ma.
chine and marriage?" Dunno, unless
it be that if you are not suited with q
sewing machine you can trade it on a
new one.
Most every saloon keeps . "Bar.
tenders Guide" telling how to mix
different drinks. A guide telling the
barkeeper how to put money in the
cash register, in many instances, would
be better.
Perhaps the reason that pawn.
brokers always use the sign OF three
balls Is the emblem of that business
is because it is a two to one bet that
you never redeem the pledge you leave
with them.
Down in Georgia a baseball player
was shot by an excited fan because he
stole base. In this corner of christen.
dom we feel like shooting them when
they fail to steal bases of golden op.
portunities.
Prof. Jacques Loeb tells us that life
is nothing but electricity. Good |
Now, will Professor Jacques Loeb tell
us what electricity is? Science says it
is simply a progressive discovery that
we don't know.
New York drinks 10000 quarts
of milk every day." says a paper of
that city. 1t must horrify Ken
tuckian to think how much water the
people are compelled to drink to get
that much milk.
There are lew women and men in
Olympia who have, ON an average.
two dollars week to spend, that COM
plain, "the drygoods stores here do
not carry assortments large enough
to attract shoppers.
If King Edward is looking for
snakes while in Ireland, he may be
disappointed. But if he is looking for
those who wish and desire home rule
he will have no trouble in finding
plenty of such citizens.
Every time a girl fails to get letter
from her steady" she looks on the
mail carrier with suspicion, and,
rather than think her steady has
grown cold, she concludes the mail
carrier has stolen the letter.
Editor -"No, we can't use your
poem"
Poet -" Do you know that poem
cost me months hard labor?"
Editor -" You're lucky; it ought
to have cost you six. Good day."
The very best men in a community
are seldom willing or anxious to serve
in official life. It is the small fry