Condon globe. (Condon, Gilliam Co., Or.) 189?-1919, 1903-11-12
= aIlsHES
rR% ION


letter that is given to your father {
mail, my DEAR" replied the wise mott
er.-Chieago News.
Now" said the teacher, "can 20
tell me anything about Hiawatha
Yes" replied Henry; "it's the tun
that made Longfellow famouS"-Ch
cago Record Herald.
An old Seotchwoman, when advise,
by her minister TO take snuif to keel
herself awake during the sermon, re
piled: why dinna ye put the snuf
in the sermon, monT
Frank-Ive got even with James a
last, Edward-How did you do 1t
Frank gave his girl a pair of prett,
vases. and he will be ruined In keeping
them filled with flowers,
Mistress Bridget, don't you thinl
you can get along without so mucl
companyT l am sure no one else woul,
stand it. Bridget--Sure, ma'am, thot'l
why oi'm staying wild ye.
'Mr. Nozxleton." she said, If you
try to hug and kiss me again I shall
call papa" "Where is your fatherT
he asked. Hes in the Yellowstone
ParS. S."-chicagO Record Herald.
Does your wife do much fancy
work. Fancy work? She won't
even let a porous plaster come into
the house without crocheting a red Dor.
der round II and running a yellow rib
bon through the holes
Smith-May l make a confdant OF
your Jones-Why, certainly. Smith
Well. I'm hard up and want ten
pounds. Jones-You can trust me;
am as silent as the grave. / have
heard nothing.-Pick- -Me-Up.
Newly.mGdo Bride - Mamma says
she does not think We will ever quar-
rel as she and papa do. Groom-Nev-
er, dearest. Newly-made Bride-No;
she says you win be much easter to
manage than papa was.-Tit-Bits.
Algy-Gwace has a hahwid father.
When awsked him for her hand
said. Love for your daughter has
dwiyen me hawf cwasy. Cholly-And
then deah boy? 'Then the old bwute
said, Has, eh? Well, who completed
the jObP"
Hes an inventive genius, and the
most successful and prolific one ever
heard Of" Always inventing some
thing new, ehT mo; he's always In
venting something old and making the
public believe it's new."-Philadel-
phia Press.
The presence Of mind of an impecu-
NOUS lover was illustrated recently at
bazaar, where there was a stall for
the sale Of watch charms. "Oh,
George" said the lady, buy me a
charmP' Sarah" answered he, you
have too many already"
Miss Romanz-Of course, you've
read that new love story of bis? Mr..
Crabbe (reviewer|-YesSI had to. Very
realistic, wasn't TT Miss Romanz-
Oh, the idea! Why, the dialogue be-
tween the lovers was perfectly silly.
Mr.. Crabbe - Well?-Philadelphia
Press
Fritz, a German lad, and little Tom
were very fond of each other, although
neither could understand what the
other said why, Tommy" said his
father, your playmate does not speak
does he3" NO" said Tommy,
but when a bumblebee stung him yes
terday he cried in English, and l un-
derstood himr'
Your huband, madam" said the
chief Of police, has been arrested on
the charge of arson. "What's that
meanT demanded the woman. 1T
means that he is accused of starting
the fire at his place Of business
that" Nonsense! I've been mar
ried to that man twenty years, and he
never would start the fire."
Mrs. Scrooge-I am writing to ask
the Browns to meet the Joneses here
at dinner, and to the Joneses to meet !
the Browns. We owe them both an /
Invitation, you know. Mr.. Scrogge-
But I've heard they've just quarreled |
and don't speak! Mrs. Scrooge-I |
know. They'll refuse and we needn't
give dinner party at all!-Tit-Bits.
One day when little Elsie came
home from school her mother asked |
her what she had learned that day.
Elsie replied, II learned to spell man"
Tell me how you spell 1t, dear" said
mamma. "M-a-n, man." replied Elsie. !
And how do you spell boy2" "You
'peIl it the same way, emily with small
II letters" replied Elsie, after q mo-
nent's thought.
Scene-Platform of suburban sta
len. Small crowd looking out for the
King Edwards Special, due to pass
through on its way to Port Victoria.
Jity Man-What's it all about? Por-
er with knowing wink)-Dook O.
lancaster going through directly, ar.
1ty Man-Never heard of anybody
With that name! Porter-Well, e calls
Imself the Dock O. Lancaster, but it's
eelly the King travelling in congo
punch.
In crossing the ocean a father and
on both became very seasick. The
'ather recovered quickly, but the son
vas so exhausted with the attack that
le sank into state Of apathy, from
which it seemed impossible to arouse
lin. The steamer physician, think
ng he would try sudden shock, said,
I have bad news for you; your father
s deadr' The son, raising his express
ionless eyes to the doctor, replied:
Lucky manw-Tit-Bits.
A Proficient Pianist.
"Your daughter plays some very diff