The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1903-10-08


country" remarked the Observer OF
Events and Things, there is nothing
can beat a volcano. ."-Yonkers States
man.
Jack Lover expecting an outburst OF
grief)-And what would you say II
should take your sister from your Lit
tie Helen Quietly and polltely)-Thank
you, sir.
Madge-Miss Autumn's name was
printed in the paper, but her age
wasn't mentioned. Marjorie-Of course
not. That girls age is unfit for publ
cation.-Life.
Faith, Mrs. O'Hara, how dye till
thin twins apartT "Aw, it's aisy-l
sticks my finger in Dinnis' mouth, an
If he bites know it's Moike."-Har-
ward Lampoon.
scribbler-Would you call yourself
a poet or simply versifer? Scrawler
well, when the editor lights his pipe
with my stuff it's case of verse afire.
The Bookman.
Gossip proof Mrs. Crawford-Have
they much money? Mrs. Crabshaw-
Why, they're SO rich that, If they pre-
ferred, they could afford TO stay In
town all summer.-Smart Set.
Tommy-Mamma, what made people
in old New York wear those great big
ruffs around their necks? Mamma
That is how our first families learned
to hold up their heads, my son.--Judge.
Further information: Now" said
the teacher, "can you tell me anything
! about Hawaiian YES" replied little
Henry: 'lts the tune that made Long
fellow famous. s."-Chicago Record Her
r aid.
The Friend-And so you don't trust
your lawyerl The Farmer-No, sir
, He and the lawyer on the other side
> are too awfully polite. Don't call each
other no names at all."-Kansas City
a Independent.
Oracular Reinsurance: She-I trust
Jack, our marriage will not be agaln'
your fathers will. Jack-Im sure,
hope not; it would be mighty hare
for us If he should change it.-Towr
and Country.
The professional man he needed
Mike-Are ye much hurted, Pat? d.
We want a docthor2 Pat-A doethor
We fule! Afther bein' runned over b'
a throlley car? Phat OF want is
lawyer.-Judge.
A Lack Of Coincidence: Downer-
am glad it is good form not to wear
watch with dress suit. Upper-Why
Downer-Because never have hat
nv watch and my dress suit at tn
same time.-Pick- Me-Up.
Photographer-Don't assume sue
fierce expression. Look pleasant
- Murphy-Not on your life My wife
going to send one of these pictures t
N her mother, and If look pleasan
she'll come down on visit."-PhilS
IL delphla Record.
~ as this Mr.. Lancaster" Eyes.
III "If you have half a minute to spar
I'd like to show you" "Yo
needn't. I'll subscribe for 1t, all righ
You're the first book agent that eve
came here that didn't call me Lank
IA st'r."-Chlcago Tribune.
"Of course" said the boasting coli
mel. there are some who might dout
id my valor at Gettysburg because | di
not lost an arm or leg" "Oh, don
let that worry you," spoke up lltt
Richard; 81 heard papa say you lo
your head."-Phlladelphia Record.
Civic jealousy: Visitor-You haven
"a got half as nice a cemetery here as "
have in Elmville. Prominent citizt
tof Hawvllle)-No, I've always heal
is that the cemetery is the only part
your town that holds out any induc
ments for permanent residents.-Cf
cago Tribune.
}" How savagely that COW looks
me-" said the typewriter boarder fro
the city. 81 reckon as heow 1t be
er account Nv that air red waist yew
ry got on, miss" answered the old farl
er. Dear me!' exclaimed the Ike
towing maid; "of course 1t isn't qui
ID. I'D TO date, but I'd no idea a count
ne cow would notice it."-Chicago DaI
News.
Ike As the steamer Neptune" was lea
nv ing the harbor of Athens a well-dress
Be- Young lady passenger approached t
captain, and, pointing to the dista
hills. inquired, what is that VIII
stuff on the hills, captainf' THAT
nd snow. madam" answered the capta
= as It. reallyT" remarked the lady.
thought so myself, but gentlem
has lust told me 1t was Greece
hst A fllal child: A certain noblemi
well known to society, while one d
the strolllng round his stables, came acr'
his coaehman's little boy on Sc
playing with his toys. After TALK
..5 TO the youngster a short time, he sa
hia .Wen, my little man, do you KIN
who l amT "0h, yes" replied
youngster; you're the man that ri'
in my fathers carriage"-Tit-Bits.
ost Former suburbanite (astounded)
ller You don't mean to tell me that y
ing have so chickens and you are still
d speaking terms with your next-d
ing neighborsf" Suburbanite (smilingly
lgh That's exactly the case. Former s
are urbanite-Keep 'em cooped up,
lole Suburbanite-Not on your lifel !
sy's see, the day bought the fool fo'
the I made a bluff at driving them out
ops my garden, and pretty soon q
and thought they belonged to my nei
ond bors. so since then they stick to
he garden like glue!-BroOklyn Life.
,.-s The Military Spirit la Canada.
rec Figures have just been publls
- which the Canadian press claims as