Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1903-07-01
.Hu,uuruns department.
Advertising Humors.

Advertising Humors.
Not all the humor Of the daily press
Is to be found in its alleged funny COL
umns-not by long shot. The aver
age reader certainly would not seek
It in the small ads" but one man who
believes that he recognizes fun even
without label, asserts that the want
columns Of the local papers are simply
brimming over with it and none the
less Irresistible. much Of It, for It's
bland Inconsistencies. In support OF
his statement he drew the other day
from one of the pigeon holes OF MS
desk a loose handful Of clippings from
the classified ads Of the local papers.
Some Of them are really too good TO De
true. They remind one Of the stock
Jokes about a piano for sale by a
Young lady with carved legs" The
writer had always supposed that to be
the invention OF some frivolous minded
man, moved by desire to make merry
at the expense Of some superior wo-
man. But these-well,. there was no
mistaking these--they really happened,
every one of them, and in local papers.
There was no doubt as to the genuine
ness Of the clippings. The first one
read:
TALL, EDUCATED, PROFESSION
AL WIDOWER (past middle age), no
incumbrance, with ample income and
fine suburban home, desires to marry
before Christmas. Address D., 80.
Ye gods and little fishes! What did
the man expect? In vain does the
fowler spread his net in sight Of the
bird! Would any girl with her eyes
open marry a professional widower"
There's a nice profession for a man.
What shall it profit a girl If she gain
a tall, educated widower (without In
cumbrances) an ample income and
fine suburban home? When she Is
fairly married she finds that the path
Of matrimony in this instance leads
but to the grave.
Then again:
WANTED, an Organist and Boy to
blow the sam. Apply S.. 63-.
Fun for the boy. possibly, but rather
hard on the organist.
FOR SALE, Thoroughbred Bulldog;
will eat anything; particularly fond or
children.
One cannot but doubt whether a
bulldog with such pronounced epicu-
rean tastes for the young and tender
would prove a welcome addition to
most all neighborhoods. Unlike the
youth" and the bright young lady OF
some Sort" here is one who Is rather
particular as to what sort Of situa-
tion he takes:
WANTED, a Situation as son-in-
law, by a respectable gentleman, In
some respectable family; good blood
and breeding not necessary. being al
ready we'll supplied: capital essential;
no objections to going short distance
into the country. Address W., lis.
WANTED. a Boy to be partly out
side and partly behind the counter.
That boy would have to be dime
museum freak-though perhaps that
was not wholly an unreasonable de-
for If one can take their word for 1t
there are always enough freaks adver-
tising to stock a dozen museums. For
instance:
WANTED, Furnished Apartments
suitable for a gentleman with folding
doors.
There is a tantalizing indefiniteness
as to just where the folding doors are
attached and how they unfold the gen.
tleman, but it would certainly pay a
live manager to investigate. Also
this:
WANTED. a Room for two gentle
men 80 feet long and 80 feet wide.
If there are two such gentlemen in
this vicinity the dime museums have
certainly not done their duty to the
city in allowing them to languish in
obscurity while they palmed off on a
long suffering public creatures like
Florence Brooklyn Eagle.