davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1903-10-28
The Excise Law.
1t Is Evaded if Not Violated by the
"Club" Saloon.

One day last week three small boys
each in a state of intoxicatiOn, were
picked up on the streets. One of them,
ON recovering from his debauch, made
the statement that the liquor which
he and his companions drank had been
purchased for them by a negro, whose
identity has not yet been established
Even if the negro is found, it is said
that he cannot be punished under ex-
listing law. But whether the intoxi-
cant which these boys drank was pro
cured for them in this manner, or
whether it was purchased outright by
them at some place where liquor is
regularly sold, the fact that the lads
We're drunk serves t. direct attention
e. frequent and notorious violations
of the excise law in the District of
Columbia.
There are saloons where minors car
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1903-10-28
The PeQble's Forum.
Lost Cupid.

To the Editor OF The Washington Times:
Can you not turn the thoughts Of your army
OF readers away from Ann. and direct their at
tention TO the dilemma Of Cupid?
The poor little fellow is lost; he has fed
from to0-eXscting world.
William X. Vanderbilt tried two ceremonies
with different women.
Mrs Belmont tried two ceremonies with diff
ferent men.
Chauneey Depew tried two ceremonies with
the one woman, and our own Thomas c. Plat,
It Is said, was invited to try one ceremony
by two different women.
Then Dowie came, and Cupid ran from 50
much unreasonabieness 10 the woods. Do send
out searching party and bring him home in
triumph to his own. KIN
Washington, Oct %.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1903-10-28
Erected Their own Tomb.

Many years before the death Of the
late Lord and Lady Esher they had a
| beautiful tomb constructed for them
selves in Esher churchyard, near Wind
sor. The tomb is surmounted by two
recumbent white marble figures at fun
length. Lord Esher was depicted in the
gorgeous robes OF his Office as master
OF the rolls. full bottomed wig and all
the insignia OF his high dignity, While
Lady Esher. who was IN reality several
years her husbands senior. was repre-
scented in a Greek costume and as il at
the age OF twenty. Ii is true that she
retained, even 10 her ninetieth year. the
most marvelouly youthful appearance.
The late Lord and Lady Esher during
their lifetime occasionally visited this
tomb and found pleasure therein. To a
few is given the satisfaction OF reading
their own laudatory obituary, but so
far as / know the late Lord and Lady
Esher were the only two people who
were In the habit of seeing themselves
lying pIacidIy on their family tombs-
OF course. IL is not always wise TO have
statues made over ones resting place
during ones lifetime. IL has been done
by wel-known English peeress, whose
first husband Is dead, and she is repre-
scented lying beside him. But now she
has married again, so IT win be neces-
sary TO make a new statue Of the sec
ond husband on the other side of that
of the countess.
The present Lord Esher was for sew
eral years private secretary OF the Duke
| of Devonshire, has sat In parliament for
Falmouth, has been secretary to III
government board OF works. and is now
deputy governor OF Windsor Castle. be-
sides being a partner in the great finan-
cial house of which Sir Ernest Cassel is
the head. and which. 1t may be remem-
bered found the money for the con-
struction OF the great Nile dam and irTt-
saticn works. He has twice been Of
| fered a seat in the cabinet and is cred
| lied with having had the refuasl OF the
secretaryship OF state for war on the
occasion of the recent reconstruction or
the Balfour administration.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1903-10-28
Skagway.

on. we have longed so long for you.
Skagway.
The welcome news seems scarcely true,
SkagWay.
Tfey say that Britain yields her claim,
She loses in the little game,
And you will share our wealth and fame,
Skagway,
We look upon you "a a prize,
Ska9way.
Low. basking meath those Arctic skies,
Skagway.
Your favor we rejoice 10 win,
We know your worth in precious tin;
We're very glad 20 take you in,
Skagway.
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1903-10-28
Woman's Way.

Mrs. Enthusiastically. dear, you're not looking
at all we'll / don't think you're ht TO go 20
the Office today
Mr. Bright do feel tough. ! think viii
stay home.
Mrs Bright Tan hour later)-I don't see why
YOU can't take up the parlor carpet and dust
il. You're Just hateful So. therei-Philadel-
phia Public Ledger.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1903-10-28

Mr.. Payne knew" there was nothing
wrong in the Postofice Department six
months ago. Perhaps he has concluded
by this time that he would rather not
know so much than know so many
things that are not so.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1903-10-28

Governor Bates explanation Of the
circumstances under which he came to
accept a 50, 600 check from a statehouse
lobbyist might have been improved If
he had taken a few lessons from mem
bers OF the Missouri Legislature.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1903-10-28
cailu Calendar of American History
October %.

175s-Battle OF White Plains, N Y, Brit
ish victory.
1Sf5-FIorida repealed ordinance of Sc
CeSsiOn.
S4-Secretary of Treasury Gresham re-
signed
-Bartholdi statute OF Liberty En-
Tightening the World unveiled in
New York harbOr.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1903-10-28
A Boston Intellectual.

Hunter-You look pleased about something,
Dumley.
Dumley-I have reason TO. I've just thought
OF a jolly good answer to a conundrum. II
eould only think Of a cOnundrun' to fit IL, by
George. l believe I'd send il TO the papers -
Boston Transcript.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1903-10-28
A Mild Assassin.

Actress am going TO give you back cur
engagement ring. | can never marry you;
love another"
Actor-Cive me his name and address.
Actress-Do you want to kill himg
Aetor-No; | want to try TO sell him the
rinE-New York Mail and Express.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1903-10-28
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR.

1t is an i'll wind that makes nobcdy's furnace
draw.
Next TO being President, woman would
rather have her son not get married SO as 20
stay at home.
A girl can have an awful good time making
herself feel bad because she is making some
man feel bad.
The weather is never too cold for a woman
10 wear low shoes If she is proud Of the stock
ngs that go with them.
Capital is what you have. capitalist is the
one who wants 70 get it away FROM yoa, and
capitalization IS the way he does Il.
One good thing about girls staying up all
nights at dances is it gets them used to it 50
they can stay mp with the babies.
New York Press.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1903-10-28

1t may be true that girls should have
instruction in the household arts. but
when one OF the women colleges estab-
fishes a department for that purpose Il
arouses just as much hooting as il they
proposed to teach Kamtschatkan.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1903-10-28

The professors OF the University Of
Chicago want the works OF Mother
Goose revised. The poems may need re-
vision. but those professors are hardly
competent to do the work.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1903-10-28

II a man is reformer. and still makes
an impression on the public, it is a sign
that he has good deal OF character
whitewash William Shakespeare Dew
cry and he would disappear from view
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1903-10-28

Lincoln steffens inquiries II we Amer
leans really want good government
anyway. We might. II we could go into
shop and buy it for S29S, marked
down from S.; but the way we are
obliged TO go about securing It at pres
ent is much like two boys trading jack
knives, sight unseen,
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1903-10-28
The Audience Worse.

''IIa-a-ai l am mad, madi' ranted llamphat,
the tragedisn in the dungeon scene.
.sHuh,'' snorted in the gallery. you
amt near as mad a. us feilers that paid TO get
in. Philadelphia Press.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1903-10-28

The chrysanthemum show this week
may not be as exciting as the chrysan-
themum show on the gridiron, but II
will be much prettier
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1903-10-28
In a Lighter Vein.
Balm in Gilead.

Yes. 7 know that she cheWs gum,
Chewing, chewing,
Jaws achieving,
But I've go. no kick TO come.
Nary, nary,
Quite contrary,
All ] like 70 see her do 10,
II she stopped Id surely rue il,
Cause she cannot talk, you know,
When her jaws are moving so.
New York Sun.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1903-10-28

After all, the most important issue
with most OF these candidates might be
stated thus: shall l or shall / not Is
sue from the little end of the horn?"
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1903-10-28

After its experience with Mr.. Devery-
every and Mr. Dowie-owie, New York
ought to welcome the appearance Of the
DeYil-eYil.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1903-10-28
Autumn.

The autumn leaves are falling,
The autumn tailor's billing;
The autumn rains are wetting,
The automobiles killing.
st. Louis Chronicle.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1903-10-28

The homicidal mania I'm any COM
munity may be practically cured by a
rope applied to the neck OF one victim.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1903-10-28

is the chief OF police OF the Anal
gamated Copper force.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1903-10-28
How to Grow Great.

IT'S not
The students
Midnight
Lamp,
Nor yet
4 STAY IN
VISIONS
Gimp
IL is
pull with
Tough and
Tramp
VIII put
You on the
Postage
Stamp.
New Orleans Times Democrat.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1903-10-28

Many disreputable character IS permitted TO
enter the sanctuary Of ny open-hearted friend.
New Orleans Times Democrat.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1903-10-28

A fellow does not quarrel with himself I'M
less he cannot find in oil the world single
person, thing, or abstraction wherewith 70 quar-
rel.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1903-10-28
FOlliculeS.

The trouble with popular sentiment is that.
as rule. il isn't sentiment 50 much As senti-
mentality
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1903-10-28

Women do not believe in men at all. They
believe in what they think men ought to be-.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1903-10-28

Mind You. the world ernbslm- your dead mis-
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1903-10-28

No lie remains an orphan long Some one /
always ready to adopt 1t.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1903-10-28

1t is an i'll wind that makes noboiy's furnace
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-07-26
I'D li3ilJlJI-ti IL. =
CHOP SUEY FAD
GROWS IN POPULARITY
Chicago Appetite Is Becoming Cultivated
to Chinese Dish of Mystery.

If the signs of the times are not mis-
leading, Chicago's appetite, like the ma
ton itself. is expanding FAR towards the
East
Just now, down on Clark street, there
is being fitted up a Chinese restaurant
that will occupy three floors of corner
building, while on either side of the new
Chinese eating house are other Testau
rants which have made small fortunes
for the Mongolians who are operating
them.
But not alone on Clark street are the
Chinese catering to the sappetites of Chi
Cages citizens. On Randolph street there
is a well patronized Chinese restaurant,
and North Clark street and other thor
oughfares have their quota of places
where the mysterious chop suey is served.
And mysterious, las applied to- chop
suey and the other Chinese dishes is
about the only word that will fit the case
The chop suey merchant is not unlike
the Chinese physician in some respects.
1t was not long ago that a young woman
acting on the advice of some whimsical
friend. called on a Chinese doctor who has
an office on the south side. She was
suffering from an irritating cough.
Little med cine. ten dollars said the
Chinaman after he had made a great
show of diagnosing the case.
"But I don't want little medicine; !
want to be cured" protested the girl.
"Ah. me see,'' responded the doctor
from across the Pacific Much medicine,
S20''
And so 1t is with chop suey and with
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-07-26
will continue to be a vagabond and a

loafer.
1.-The presence of such mining camps
as Nome and others, with their great
numbers of dogs used for transporta-
ton purposes, creates an almost limit
less demand for dried salmon to be
used as dog food. An Indian can, dur
ing the run of salmon, catch and dry
enough fish to furnish himself and
family with food for the entire year,
and can sell enough to purchase ST.
berian reindeer skins for clothing.
Nearly every native has a sled for dogs
and during eight months of the year
can earn more wages than skilled
mechanic in the United States by haul
Ing, supplies for miners. If he is will.
ing to work in the summer he can
make from So to SO a day.
s. "The splendid work now being done
under the direction of the commission
er of education in introducing the ST.
sberian reindeer and instructing the ma
lives in their care and use, bids fair, in
the course of a few years, to eliminate
saH danger of distress among those peo-
pie. AT the time of my visit the mis-
sionaries were doing great work In i'm
proving the condition of the natives
encouraging Industrious habits and ex-
ercising a generally good influence
over them.
From time to time the commanding
officers of the various posts in Alaska
have issued limited quantities of RAJ
lions to absolutely destitute natives
where it was necessary to prevent
starvation, and are still doing so as
occasion arises. In my visit to Alaska
I shall take every opportunity to con-
fer on this subject with army officers,
traders, missionaries and others and
report the result of my investigations
: to the war department. In the mean
time cases of absolute restitution will
continue to be relieved as heretofore"
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-07-26

the task which has been assigned him.
Ten years ago he spent nearly three
years in the wilds of Alaska, living
chiefly among the natives, at a time
when there was less than one white
man to every 10000 square miles of
territory, at time when there was not
single mining camp in the whole val
ley of the Yukon west of the Canadian
boundary. At that time he made an
exhaustive study of the traits and hab-
its of the natives of the district, and
based upon his knowledge of them
during that period he rendered to the
war department, prior to going north,
g preliminary report on the subject.
4. WauId Employ Agents.
In that report Gen. Funston recon-
mended that officers or agents of the
government be placed in full control
OF the ,Esquimos, given magisterial
powers over them and instructed to
require them all to provide during the
prodigal summers sufficient quantity
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-07-26

i SEATTLE, Wash, July 20.-"Can the
government of the United States rem
der any assistance to the native 4Esqu1--s
mos and Indians of Alaska which will
enable them to become self-supporting,l
and which will check the present mark.
ed tendency towards their early extinc-:
ton by starvation and disease?"
This is t.1S r,,r;soSsleln wnicn ts,e war
department has referred to Brig, Gen.
Frederick Funston for investigation
and report. Gen. Funston is now in
Alaska and will spend the greater por-.
ton of the summer season in studying
the habits of the natives, and in max
ing Inquiries of the white residents
regarding them.
The problem is one which appeals
strongly to the humanitarian side OF
the American character. The national
and international events of the past
few years have tended to cause the
average citizen of the United States to
look more and more strongly upon his
government as a national charity So
ciety, the purpose of which is to give
aid, comfort and assistance to any peo-
pie in need.
Gradually, steadily, surely, even rap
idly some of the native tribes of Alaska
are decreasing in numbers, and the fear,
is expressed in many quarters that they
are in great danger of becoming extinct
in a few years unless some action is
taken to counteract the tendency.
There is seldom winter during which
there are not reports from some re-
gion of Alaska of severe hardship and
suffering among the natives, and these
reports frequently include accounts of
the ravages of deadly diseases, the in
adequacy of food supplies, and a heavy
percentage of mortality. Seldom
winter passes during which the mill
tary commanders at the principal mill
tary stations do not distribute, gratis,
among the suffering natives, quantities
of food supplies for the purpose of pre-
venting actual starvation.
r., Many Die Near Nome.
Last winter there was heavy NOR
tally among the natives in the vicinity
of Nome and Pilgrim river on account
of disease and the lack of sufficient
food Three years ago there was such
a heavy mortality among. certain of
the tribes living along the Western
coast that in some of the villages there
were not enough persons left living to
carry away the dead and the bodies
were left to rot in the huts Ever
since the invasion of the northern por-
ton of Alaska by Americans starva-
ton has been rife among the native
villages during the long winter seasons
and whole villages have been wiped out
in single winter.
About twenty years ago the entire
population of ST. Lawrence island,
numbering upwards of 1,4OO people,
starved to death in single winter, the
dead bodies being found lying in the
squaIid huts by the officers and men
of the revenue cutter Corwin the fol-
lowing spring.
Gen. Funston is peculiarly suited to
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-07-26

the dozen or more other dishes that the
Chinese restaurants have to offer They
have a chop suey to suit every purse, and
he who does not care to eat of the more
popular mystery can find plenty of other
things on the bill of fare that will excite
ms curiosity Here, 1or instance, is the
bill of fare as spread on the tables of one
Chinese restaurant
Chop suey and rice ..,..........2 5c to 40c
Chicken chop suey and rice. 55c to soc
Mo Gu chop suey and rice. ...........3 0c
Foo Young dove and rice. soc
Chicken rice soup ............:... .35c
ChoW man --...,,...,...,,.'I5e TO $1.OO
Bolied chicken .....'............ 49,. 25c
Roast pork Observation-Disclosures 5c to 25c
Erred chicken ........s.......I5c to Sl.0O
Chow mar man ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS soc
ret OOI MAN -s............l Oc
Canned Chinese nuts .................3 soc
Steak and green peppers and rice. soc
WI Lung tea Observation-Disclosures. .l5c
sung SQ tea e 0C
At least everyone knows what the fried
chicken means.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-07-26

arisen from the presence among them
of white men. who. in addition to kill
ing off the game and impoverishing
the streams of fish. have introduced
among them improvident habits and
fatal vices. -
Gen. Funston very radically differs
from these views. Prior to his de-
parture for Alaska he discussed the
subject quite fully, giving his reasons
for the position he has taken
Always Were Hungry.
During the years I spent in Alaska,
1892, 1898 and 1884, said he. there
was not a single mining camp in the
whole valley of the Yukon west of the
Canadian boundary. and never had
been. The same could be said of the
western coast of the territory, and the
most southern coast. In all that vast
region the greatest number of white
men at any one place, outside of the
few scattered missions, was the half
dozen employees Of the Alaska Com
mercial company at Unalaska. about
an equal number on st. Paul's island,
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-07-26
ALL DAY.


All day. all day the shuttles fly
Across the noisy loom;
All day, all day the maidens sigh
Adown the busy room.
All day. all day the bigsma chines
And belted pulleys play
All day, all day the same old scenes
All day, all day.
All day, all day the foreman's eyes
Sweep Ger the hundrum place,
All day grim expression lies
Upon his changing face.
All day all day thousand feet
Tread through the weary way;
All day, all day to labor's beat,
All day, all day.
All day, all day the bent souls yearn
For freedom from the toll;
All day. all day the pulleys turn,
Bagrimed with dust and oil.
All day, all day the toilers' fate
IT'S drudge or never pay;
All day, all day the endless gait,
All day, all day.
joe Cone in New York Sun.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-07-26

ditfon solely to his own prodigality
and disregard forsthe future. The only
part the white men have played in the
business is that they have purchased
the Iurss aWairus ivory, wha!ebone, etc.,
offered them by the natives The
trifling disposition of these people and
their utter disregard for the future is
the cause of their present distress.
Rivers Swarm With Fish.
The rivers of Alaska swarm with
fish, there having been no diminution
Of the supply, assaIso do the waters of
the entire coast. The hair seal, which
furnishes boots and summer clothing
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-07-26

have seen as many as 1000 in sin
gle herd and 5000 in single day.
TT is true that the walrus has been
practically exterminated in Boring
sea and adjoining waters, but that
was done, not by the white men. but
by natives, and in the same IMPROVE
dent fashion that they exterminated
the moose and caribou of the Yukon.
I'm fact the Esquimo owes his con-
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-07-26

of which the Alaskan natives have
been the recipients, they have develop
ed great fondness for bacon, hard
bread. canned beef and other foods of
like nature, and Just so long as the
Esquimo is encouraged to idleness and
shiftlessness by the knowledge that he
will be fed by the government If he
neglects to provide for himself, he
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-07-26

to the Esquime, and the flesh of which
is eaten, has been by no means ex-
terminated. s,All that the Esquimo has
to do to provide his family with food
for the entire year is to bestir himself
during the fishing season and lay in a
supply for the ensuing winter, instead
of loafing about the trading stations,
mining camps and army posts during
the summer and depending upon char
ity after it is too late to fish or hunt
: Partly from ll-considered charity,
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-07-26

the approval of Secretary Hitchcock,
of the interior department, who has
stated that he believes that such as
sistance would but tend to make the
natives even more dependent upon the
assistance of others. To all appear
ances the impression prevails very
strongly at w ashfng that the ma
tives aEe-Inore--sinned against than
shining. At the national capital it is
believed that the principal causes of
the distress among the natives have
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-07-26
Funston Has P6d0e Mission in Alaska

and four on ST. Michaers island. Yet.
in those days, starvation wassrife
among the Esquimos. as it issnoW.
Even then it was no uncommon thing
for whole villages to perish in single
winter by disease and starvation.
ITO my certain knowledge. in 1884
the moose and caribou in the entire
lower valley of the Yukon and on the