Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1903-05-25

II confess I can't understand what
your baby's saying" 1T is a queer
language. isn't it?" Yes. sort Of early
English"
Snake Charmer-So the fat lady took
too much antifat. How Is she nowY
Sword Swallower-Oh. in reduced cir
cumstances.
And SO you ran away from your
wife to enlist in the army What did
you do that forT" I'm a lover OF
peace."-Life.
Visitor lat insane asylum)-My! these
are bad cases, aren't they? Guide
Yes. sir. This Is the ping-pong ward.
Town Topics
Customer-Have You anything that
is good for falling hair? Facetious
Clerk-How would waste-basket dot
Chicago Daily News.
Father-In choosing a wife one
should never Judge by appearances.
Son-That's right. Often the prettiest
girls have the least money.
There is one thing certain" remark
ed the Observer of Events and Things;
"if we all have to use soft coal. it will
seem hard."-Yonkers Statesman.
He (who has offended her)-Won't
you look up at ME? Shelf l did.
you'd kiss me again. He-No; honest.
l won't. She-Then what's the use?-
Life.
Sammy-What is political harmony.
Uncle Sam? Uncle Sam-Political
harmony, Sammy is any period in poll
tics when there Is nothing doing
Puck.
She-You must not kiss me until we
are formally engaged. He-Do you
mean to say that you always insist
upon that rule? She-Ive always tried
to.-Judge.
Lawyer-The jury ha brought in
sealed verdict in your case. Prisoner
Well, tell the court that they needn't
open it on my account.-Glasgow
Evening Times.
The Lady-Did any one call while
was out? The Maid-No. ma'am. The
Lady-Thats very strange. wonder
what people think | have an lat home
day" for. -Moonshine.
She-But most elopements turn out
so disastrously. He-Yes; but every
body expects them to. You save all
that trouble of keeping up appearances
after the ceremony.-Judge.
Mrs. Rlobbs-I quite thought you
had forgotten us, Miss Gusher. Miss
Gusher-Well. | have bad memory
for faces as a rule. but should not be
Xix = to forget Punch.
Visitor Young man. hope that
when you are free you will turn over
a new leaf. Convict-Sure will. The
lawyer l hire the next time will be
better one.-Chicago Daily News.
On the piazza Ethel-Oh Mae. I'm
in such quandary. Old Mr.. Roxe has
proposed to me and don't know
whether | love him or not. Mae-Why
not look him up in Bradstreet Judge
To their liking: is your family
fond Of cereals. Mrs. Jumpup?' "Oh.
very! we're reading several in the
Parlor Portfolio now. md can't hardly
wait from week t week. "-Philadel
phia Bulletin.
Pardonable ignorance: Let ME see."
said the man at the desk. pausing with
his pen in air. Tho was the author Of
Twice Told Tales "Chauncey De
pew, wasn't itY' suggested the man at
the other desk.-ChicagO Tribune.
Sir Augustus Lackcash Ito tailor)-
My son tells me that you have allowed
him to run bill for three years.
have, therefore, come Tailor-Oh,
pray, Sir Augustus. there is really no
hurry. Sir Augustus Lackcash-I
know that, and. therefore, ! have come
to tell you that In future want to get
my clothes from you. too. .-Tit-Bits.
Mothers will fiho Mrs. N1nsloW's Sooth.
ing Syrup the best remedy to use tor their
children during the tsething period.
Whenever there isn't anything else
exciting going on somebody flourishes
n rnvpivap in, pot Org burtv ond nm