davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-02-06

The provision Of the Virginia code ex-
empting from service on the grand jury
the owner or occupier Of a grlst mill.
says Law Notes is an interesting exam
pie of law which has been allowed TO
remain on the statute book long after
it's usefulness and the condition that
called it into being have ceased to exist.
When the statute was passed, serious
inconvenience 10 the citizens of the sur
rounding country might have arisen as
result of summOning a mill owner
from his work, but the mill owner is
no longer so important member OF the
community.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-02-06
The TarantuIa.

The sting Of the tarantula Ga name
derived from laramie, a town in Italy,,
the most venomous of spiders, was pop
ularly supposed to produce disease
called tarantism, which could be cured
only by music or dancing, and the
dance which cured il was called taran-
tella You can see the peasants dance
the tarantella now, but without wait
ing for spider bites.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-02-06
Udfomafic Bluuder.

"Mr. Henpecque. let me introduce you
to the Count de Dippee."
"Ah. eet re honor to meet a musician
hear, sar, zat you an your family
play re music"
"Why, don't know the first thing
about music"
why, | hear eet all around zat you
plays second fiddle to your wife!'-
Baltimore Herald.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-02-06
EictiOn's Fiction.

"Have you read Wrighters new
work Of fiction"
"Not exactly"
"What do you mean"
"Well. I've only read the advance
notices, but l suppose there is really
more fiction in them than there is In
the book itself "-Baltimore Herald.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-02-06
At "a MIXED Dinner.

Excuse me. sir, but haven't we met
before? Your face is strangely falnil-
far"
"Yes, madam; our host introduced us
10 each other just before dinner"
"Ah | was positive had seen you
somewhere. never forget a face
Exchange.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-02-06

Male Dancer-I know who you are.
my fair partner.
Female DItto-Who am ] then. pray!
Male Dltto-Oh, am quite positive.
I recognize you by those lovely white
pearly teeth.
Female DItto-Why, I only got them
this morning. Ha. ballroom the Ger
man.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-02-06
Parrots.

A dealer In birds in sober and serious
Manhattan advertises that he has In
stock a large variety Of semireligious
parrots, the most prOfane one only
500" That's an odd way Of appeal
ing to public patronage. If the most
profane parrot is held for sale at 500,
what would be the price Of parrakeet
that could only say Good gracious"
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-02-06
Why Thex Were Clean.

Teacher-Now, | want all the chill
dren TO look at Tommy's hands and OBJ
serve how clean they are. and see IL all
OF you cannot come TO school with
cleaner hands. Tommy. perhaps, will
tell us how he keeps them so nice.
Tommy-Yes'm. Ma makes me wash
the breakfast things every morning.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-02-06
Definite Description.

Johnny. it isn't tobacco sauce, it is
tabasco. Now, don't let me hear you
calling ii wrong again"
"No. mamma
Two hourS later at Mamma
/ want some OF that-that-that red
headed sauce that makes you mad
Washington Times.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-02-06

There 20 the Spicer WiIcoxes, mann
ma! I'm told they're dying to know u.s.
Hadn't we better call?'
Certainly not, dear! II they're dy-
ing to know us, they're not worth know
ing. The only people worth our know
ing are the people who don't want to
know no
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-02-06

Mrs. Highblower = Elsie, you never
speak outside of the quarrels between
your papa and rlyself. do you?
Eisie-Oh. no, mamma. but whenever
you are pleasant % each other l always
mention it.--Llfe.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-02-06
Plenty of Tine.

Bacon-Burglars entered the first
floor of our house and took nearly ev-
erything we had while my wife was
upstairs putting on her hat to go out.
Egbert-They took quite a good deal,
did they?
"Oh, yes. 1t must have taken them
several hours '-Yonkers Statesman.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-02-06

u


Tear up photographs Of the faithless
creature. Figure UP how much she
was costing you anyway. Burn up her
love letters. Reflect upon her numer-
Gus faults, including an always evi-
dent lack of good judgment II every
thing else fails, why just forget her!-
Syracuse Herald.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-02-06
MaLInr HimaeIf Clenr.

she-Do you know that lady In the
far cornerf
Helm way. have listening ac-
quaintance with her.
"T don't believe understand you,
sir"
"She Is my wife."-Smart Set
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-02-06

The Judge (sternly)-The next per
con who interrupts the proceedings
will be expelled from the courtroom
Tho Prisoner enthusiastically =
Hoorayi
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-02-06

Father-Well. my son. did you sue
ceed in 'reaking I'm the new horses so
that they would stand the noise Of
steam?
Son-No. father, but broke the car
riage.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-02-06

Traveller Ito hotel cIerk)-I want a
room and bath, please.
Hotel Clerk-Well, can give you
room, but / haven't time to give you
the bath Just now GQluufia Jestss. !
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-02-06
A Genulnf One.

A man dropped his wig in the street,
and boy who was following close be-
hind the loser picked it up and handed
II to him.
Thanks. my boy" said the owner Of
the wig. You are the first genuine
hair restorer have ever SEEN"
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-02-06
A Remarkable -, wi.

The empress of Russia vas Clce pre-
sented with ii shawl &C .: rc:Yarkable
kind. 1t is contained !. a. NY a
few inches square. In Wh.v. cas-
lily, yet when it is Sha&en CT. IS ten
yards square. .hiS 10. - gift was
the work OF SGi.. Fr, y AYERS III
Orenberg. soutl egg ay whom il
was presented T. ltaining 1t
is of wood. wiz h r. 4opS and fas-
Jennings Of b.; 90.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-02-06
SHENANDOAH EERALD


Advertisements wili be insertee
1t one dollar per squase Of tel lines
or iess for The first insertion or 80
cenLs ior each subsequent insertion.
Sos- Quarterly or yearly sdver.
sisements by contract.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-02-06

It's usually easier for one father to
support ten small children than 1t ls
for ten grownup children to support one
father.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-02-06

"Didn't size marry has beenY"
"No. She thought he was n will be,
but he turned out an Isn't Life.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-02-06
Her ObscurR COmpIe1iO a

as she a brunetteT
"a brunette! Why. she's so dark her
father has to turn the light on in the
parlOr to find her in the evenings.
Princeton Tiger.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-02-06

A little change in the hand Is worth
more than great change In the wealth
er.-Phiiadelphia Record.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-02-06

After a man is fifty you can fool him
by saying he Is smart. but you can't
fool him by saying he is pretty or sweet.
-Atchison Globe.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-02-06

In Berlin doctors coachmen wear
white hats 80 that physicians car.
rage may be easily recognized In case
OF necessity --.~ 49,
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-02-06

Ais fair In love. especially the girl
Q fellow is in love wlth.-Philadelphia
Record.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-02-06

80 Unless the number of inSer.
tions is marked upon the manu-.
script, advertisements will be pub.
lished until forbidden and charged
accordingly.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-02-06
The Speer Wine Company,
PasSaic N. j.,

have their vineyards stocked ofthe
same grape, the only vim eyard OF
the kind in this country, the vines
were imported and planted here
over forty years ago. The Speer
Port wine and Burgundy are now
regarded the finest in the world,
their rich, full body and hig
character is unexcelled. IN
valids, weakly persons, especially
females, and the aged are made
strong and vigorous by its use, as
a medicinal wine it has no equal;
as family wine it has no super
ior. First class physicians all over
the country, here and in Europe,
who have tried them recommend
them as the best.
A close study by physicians on
the effect OF different brane OF
wines on the system con ices
them ofthe superiority of the seer
passaic wines for their patti 3.
Sold by Druggists and Crs ~
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1903-05-22
Frederick the Great.

In the course of some military evolu-
lions Frederick the Great of Prussia,
trritated by some mistake of a captain,
ran after him with his stick in order to
strike him. The captain ran away.
The next morning the commanding Of
6cer reported to the king that the off,
Ger in question, one Of the most eff
Gent in the regiment, had sent in his
papers. "Tell him to come to me-"
said the king. The officer, in great
perturbation. came. Good morning,
major" he a~postrephized the officer,
who vas speechless with surprise. II
wanted to tell you of your promotion,
but you ran so fast could not catch
you up. Good morning"
Another time an officer attempted to
get a comrade into bad odor with the
king by telling his majesty that he
was a drunkard. In a subsequent bat
tie the latter's fitness was conspicuous,
whereas his slanderer played a very
poor part. When afterward hs defled
past the king at the head Of his reg
iment, his majesty called out to him in
a voice of thunder, "The sooner you
take to drink the BETTER"
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1903-05-22
The Early Circus.

Leaving out Of count the great cir
cuses of Rome and Antioch and coming
down to something Of modern times,
the first circus in England was on a
footpath known as Halfpenny Hatch,
in the Waterloo road, London. There;
in 1910, Astley's first performance was
given, with the aid of a drum, two flies
and one clown. A charge of sixpence
was made for the front standing places.
There, was no building and not even a
tent, but merely a ring Of ropes and
stakes. Primitive. as were the arrange.
ments Ashley. soon attracted good au-
diences and was able to add to his
programme conjuring, transparencies,
vaulting and tumbling, with displays
of fireworks. In course Of time he was
able to hire an inclosed ground and
erected seats under a substantial roof.
He called the place Astley's Amphf.
theater Riding house. +
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1903-05-22
The h

It has not been definitely established
that zero was in use any earlier than
400 A. D.. About this time it was used
in India, and several centuries later
the Arabs began to employ 1t. Through
the Arabs its use became known to
Europeans during the twelfth century.
1t was not generally adopted in Europe
until several centuries later, notwith-
standing its great advantages. For a
considerable time there were two par
ties among the European educators.
One party. known as the algorists, ia
vored the adoption Of the Findoo sys-
tenn of notation falsely called Arabic,
with its position values, while the 9th
er, known as the abacists, favored the
Roman notation, without zero or posi-
ton value.
The general adoption of the Hindoo
system. was greatly facilitated by the
facts that it was explained in most of
the calendars for more than a century,
beginning with 1900, and that the
medieval universities frequently of
fered courses devotedito the use of this
notation.-G. A. Miller in Science.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1903-05-22
The Artist and the Woman.

Every actress is sensitively alive to
the pleasure of a warm reception-that
being the technical term for the ap-
plause. with which the audience greets
the first appearance of an artist before
any word has been spoken. Generally
speaking, it signifies. a courteous greet
ing corresponding to a lifted hat and
pleasant s%alutation. But on occasions
when the actress is a special favorite
the reception, enthusiastic and long
continued, becomes a demonstration
which is inartistic and destructive, of
the illusion of the play, since it drags
the actress out Of her part and in her
bowling. curtseying and smiling she
becomes Miss Jones or Miss Morris re-
turning thanks to the public. A WON
an would not be human who did not
enjoy to the last drop of her blood just
such a greeting, even though her ar
tistic condemned it.-McClure's.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1903-05-22
THE TOUCH" ARTISTIC.
A Delicate Job That the Thief Could
Not Resist Doing.

NOT fteS1at DO1nB. -
We have cut society too much on the
square. Perpendicular and horizontal
lines do not make the only intelligent
divisions. The relationship of Raphael
with a pickpocket 1 talked to once is
more intimate essentially than it is
with some makers of pictures" and
molders of '%statuary.' The thief had
been arrested because, having obtained
permission to live in New York pro-
vided he did not work there, he was
caught stealing a watch. d
why did you do it?' 1 asked him.
well, I'll tell you,' he said. II sim
ply couldn't help it. I'm no kleptoma-
MAC. 1t isn't the stealing 1 like, but the
fun of doing a hard job prettily. This
is the second urn I've made. The first
was like this: l saw a rich, fat man in
e crowd, and l noticed that his watch
was hung in a new way, hard to break.
My fingers itched, not for the watch,
but to break it off. l moved up, lifted
the watch, walked away with it and
then went back and hung the thing on
the chain again. This second time
something like that. 1 saw a delicate
Job, tried it, got the watch, and just
then the fellow happened to look for
the time. He 'hollered.' and a detective
near by pinched me. I don't think I'm
what you'd call a natural thief, but I
like to work with my fingers, and 1 like
the excitement Of stealing."-McClure's
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1903-05-22
DEDICATED THEIR CHURCH
New Church at Alexandria d ted
Sunday Free From Debt
A Neat Editice.


The Methodists over at Alexandria
have been erecting a new church of
late and it was completed and fur
nisbed and ready for dedication San
day. The exercises were. held and
they were of al imposing nature.
The whole enterprise cost about So
600, and the trustees announced that
there was about $500 yet to be raised
to meet the demands on the building.
The church was dedicated by Rev.
A. D. Traveller, of Chicago, Rev. A.
G. Shepherd, Of Canton, and Pastor
Chappell, with the different minis
tiers of the city, assisted by Presid-
ing Elder Hager. Rev. Traveller
went to work to raise the money and
when he got through there was 81
1856 pledged to the purpose, which
pays all outstanding Indebtedness of
the church and gives the good people
of Alexandria a fine house Of wor-
ship that will comfortably seat 400.
The new bell that peals forth every
Sunday morning was presented by one
of the ciuizens Of that city.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1903-05-22
KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT"

People Who Say Little and Drink
Less acct There" oftenest.
Help me to catch him, mister" said
the small boy as he dashed by in pant
ing pursuit Of his juvenile enemy.
Keep your mouth shut, and you'll
catch him." advised the man, and the
boy understood in al instant and, I'M
Outstanding, closed his mouth and ran
on, easily running down the object Of
his pursuit, who had been running
open mouthed and was soon doubled
up with a stitch in his SIDE.
There is a good deal in keeping your
mouth shut. There are more people in
the world who never open a mouth
without putting a foot in it than you
have any idea Of. You may be a fool,
but if o keep your mouth shirt
who's to know it? Generally you can
size up the fellows who'll get there,
are getting there or have got there by
the way their lower jaw hangs. You
may occasionally meet a wise man
wandering around with his mouth
open, but not as a usual thing.
It's what people say and drink chief
~ that cause them to appear before
the police magistrate. If they had
kept their mouths shut, they would
not have said it or drunk it. More fool
ish fish are caught with hooks in the
mouth thar through the tail. The fell
low who goes around with his mouth
open may catch a few flies in the
aperture, but he isn't likely to catch
anything very valuable that way. It's
the fellow who sets his teeth and con-
s%equently shuts his mouth who gets
there.-Toronto Star.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1903-05-22
A Enter.

: In a book on gastronomy appears
this anecdote Of the ~gastronomic Prov
ess of d Swiss guard in the employ
ment of the Marechal de Villars: zone
day the guard was sent for by the
marechal, who had heard Of his enor-
nous appetite. How many sirloins of
beef can you eat?' he tentatively ask
ed. 'Ah, m~onseigneur, for me I don't
require many-fve or six at the most
And how many legs of mutton?' Legs
of mutton? Not ~many-seven or eight
And fat pullets? oh, as to pullets,
only a few-a dozen ''And of pi.
.geons" AS to pigeons, monseigneur,
not m~any-forty, perhaps fifty And
larks? 'Larks, monseigneur? Al
ways" =
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1903-05-22
SHORT STORIES.

There are $4,000 regular physicians
IN the United States and 10000 homeo-
paths and eclectics.
A Chicago bank has organized a fire
drill for it's employees, so that they
may carry valuables to safe. keeping
at a given signal.
The post office department has de.
cided to retire the new two cent post
age stamp, giving a full face portrait
of Washington, as soon as a suitable
substitute car be prepared.
The famous Ward McAllister farm
near Newport, r. l., where McAllister
wrote the edition de luxe of "What I
Know of Society,"" has been rented to
Morgan Barry, an Irish farmer.
Thousands of tons Of straw produced
in raising fax for It's seed in Minneso-
ia and the Dakotas has hitherto been
burned. 1t is now found to be valuable
for making both binding twine and pa
per pulp.
The only novel Ingredient in Boston
brown bread is rye meal. This is an
~ Loui' AoihhSi1S ooiu oHly
in Boston and other New England
towns, but it is now found in the large
groceries in New York and other large
cities.
Another literary landmark of Boston
Is soon to be torn down. The house in
Boylston place where Motley wrote his
histories is to give place to a tall Office
building. The Motley house has been
occupied for twenty-five years by the
Boston Library society.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1903-05-22
MUSIC AND ELoCUHoN
Miss Lee and Miss Elsner Richly
Entertain an Audience at the
Methodist Church

Tuesday evening a recital was given
ny Miss Lee and Miss Elsner under
che auspices of the Woman's Foreign
Missionary Society at the Methodist
church. Owing to the gathering at
the opera house the attendance was
not as large as it would otherwise
have been, fol these two artists, one
in music and the other in elocution,
are both popular with the citizens
Of this city.
Miss Elsner recited Enoch Arden
in two parts, the piano accompani-
nlent being played by Miss Lee. The
story was we'll told by Miss Elsner
and her art was made to shine re-
splendent in the presentation Of the
incidents in the life of the popular
character. Miss Elsner's work on
this occasion vas of the kind that
brings great satisfaction to her hear
ers, and she is entitled to much
praise. Miss Lee was on the program
for two numbers and her voice was
listened to with much pleasure. She
sang my Heart at Thy Sweet
Voice. by Saint Saens, and a trio Of
selections that were enhancing. We
have never heard her sing better and
the audience showed a great appreci-
alton Of her remarkable talent. Her
accompaniment was played by Miss
Hazel Lathrop. Both ladies are con-
nected with the University, where
their work is meeting with splendid
success. Paul Williams played a vio-
lin solo as one Of the numbers Of the
program and he was heartily encored.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1903-05-22
Animals Are Sensitive.


"The fact that a horse is sensitive to
r1dicule,' said a student of the biolog-
ical department of the University of
Pennsylvania, may easily be demon
strated. Take, for instance, the case of
a horse that is eating out Of a nosebag.
If you stand in front Of such q horse,
attract his attention, and then, with
loud laughter, mock his way Of feed
ing, he will stop, with a look Of en-
barrassment and shame, and he will
not resume his meal until you are gone
away.
"Dogs also object to being laughed
at. Make fun Of them and they will
cease whatever they are doing. It is
only when they are in a fight that they
will remain impervious to the shafts
of Observation-Disclosures Post.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1903-05-22
Hero Worshin.

ut strikes M that Brimken deserves
a great deal of credit"
HE never impressed me as a brainy
man"
THAT'S just the point. When a man
with sc little brains as Brimken has
managed to be so prosperous, I can't
help feeling that he must possess some
great and n ysterious superiority
Washington Star.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1903-05-22
49,
Family Relations.

"Who is that man you were just
talking withI" s .
"That's my brother-in-law." 4
"He looks enough like you to be your
own brother"
"He is my own brother. We are
twins"
"Twins? Then why did you say he
was your brother .fn-iaw?"
Because he is. I have three broth
ers-one in law, one in medicine and
one in the army."-Minneapolls Trib-
,une.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1903-05-22
The Only One.

AN American tourist who called on
Robert Burns widow, Jean Armour, a
few years after his death had the au-
dacity to ask her. "Can you show me
any relics of the poet?' "Sir," an
swered the old lady, with majestic dig
nifty, 81 am the only relict of Robert
Burns!"