The Birmingham age-herald., 1903-12-27
MEAN TRICK ON THE MISER
BY GEORGE RANDOLPH CHESTER.

could paint. He hadn't stuffed any pill lows in his front and the suit hung on him like bursted balloon. The calves of his legs were not nearly big enough for veal, and his stocking actually seemed to cave in instead of bulging out. His flowing whiskers hung loose from his face and his white eheekbones and little peaked nose stuck out with all the wholesome glow of a dead fish. Never theless Jeff Squizzle was all there and he was actually smiling as gleefully as if he had just foreclosed a mortgage.
 Curley Benson turned to Mustapha and handed him a wad of bills.
 You win," remarked Curley, but it's worth the money!"
 q hope you didn't lose anything, Cur ley, betting that l wouldn't wear these duds, said Jeff picking up the remark as sharj as fish hooks. because if you did l want to pay it back"
 No you don't" said Curley. "A bet is a bet with me-
 'He lost two hundred dollars said Mustapha with a grin screwing up his little eyes until they were only a pair of slits and two glints.
 Two hundredlp said Jeff. Well, it's only a stingy sum, but l won't have anybody lose it on me the day before Christmas. Give me a blank check, Hen"
 Hen Morley walked behind the counter like man in trance. and jobbed a pen in himself, then he tore a check out of his book and handede it over. Jeff signed it and dated it, then passed it back.
 Do me a favor, Hen' he said. Just run over to the bank and ask Bob Dagget to figure up how much I've got Then fiji in the amount on this blank, draw the money and bring it all over to me I'm going to give DozeVille the hoWlnest Christmas it ever had
 Hen read the check forwards, back wards and upside down. then he started out of the door shaking his head. Doc Lemon elbowed his way through the crowd and wanted to feel Jeff's pulse, but Jeff wouldn't let him. Bob Dagget came dashing in from the bank in his bare head and with the check in his hand.
 "Looky here, Jeff said Bob, scratching his head. Hen filled this out for eleven thousand, four hundred and fifty-two dollars and seventeen cents, which plumb cleans you out, and he kind O thought I'd better come over and ask you about it."
 That's alright, Bob" replied Jeff, cheer fully. Give him the money. Haint you got it?"
 Why sure" said Bob. 'but-er-er well, all right"
 Bob went out in the fresh air to get cooled off, He came back to help Hen carry the money pretty soon, and by that time every able bodied person in town was trying to get in at the door, while word had been sent out into the country. Jeff made them all welcome as they came, and the first thing he did with his money was to buy up every turkey there was in the town and make everybody a present of Christmas diner.
 Hes crazy as a bed bug and I know itr' Doc Lemon declared to Curly Ben son. q don't need any other proof than to see him spending money Something busted inside of him. I guess it's the puckern' string that's kept him screwed soup so tight all his life. Lord Hill! If that man knowed what he was don' right this minute he'd go straight out there and gnaw all them hitchin posts off close to the groundl Poor old Jefr
 "Oh, I don't know!'' remarked Curley. "Would you cure him if you could?"
 'Il be dinged if I wouldw exclaimed Doc.
 Hen came out toting two big wooden buckets of candy. He set the candy down on the porch and put signs on them: Free Take all you want. Compliments of Jeff Squizzle" Then Hen went back into the store after more. Before noon he had sold out his whole stock at retail prices, to Jeff, all except a box of mouldy prunes, two broken can openers and box of old hoopskirts that Hen had been holding on to for years. thinking they might come back into style some time.
 Jeff never haggled about the price of anything. Just dumped his money in a tin pail and told Hen to pay himself, and had everything moved out onto the front porch where he stood smoking a cigar and giving away bolts of muslin and cal ico, boxes of crackers, kegs of nails, bar rels of sugar, packages of coffee. cans of everything that was ever put into a can, handkerchiefs, suspenders. suits of clothes, harness, jewelry and a thousand and one things, including a lot that Hen didn't know he had himself.
 Friends and fellow citizens" Jeff an- nounced I've have only just started To- morrow we'll have the big show. Now let's all go over to the Grand Central Palace Hotel and have dinner with Santa Claus.
 Jeff took his tin pail of money on his arm and started for the hotel. Zeke Mason sent right out to borrow tables and chairs and dishes. He had tables set in every room in the hotel. from the wood- shed to the attic, and as the farmers were coming in from the country by this time, dinner wasn't really over till night. Jeff and his own crowd got theirs early. though and then Jeff started over to the court house.
 q got job for you, Squire" he said on the way q own twenty-three mort gages. and want you to make out deeds of gift to the whole kit and biin' of em. While you're doin' that Doc Lemon will help me make out a list of all the de- serving people in the county Then we'll split up every last foot of my land into forty acre farms and divide it around"
 And blessed if he didn't do it.
 By five o'clock they had all the deeds of gift made out signed and recorded, and Jeff Squizze hadn't a foot of land to his name. Jeff insisted on having all the deeds mailed, so people could come to the postofflce in the morning and have them for really Christmas gifts. and then they all went back to Zeke Masons for supper Dinner wasn't over yet in the upstairs bed rooms, but that didn't make much difference. They just started to call it supper from then on, and went right on feeding people.
 Doc Lemon and Squire Classy had be- gun to get really enthusiastic by this time, so they got bed room all to them selves: got Jeff and Curley and Hen Wor- ley at the table with them and began drinking wine at Jeff's expense At three o'clock Squire Classy was the only one still awake, so he drank another bottle of wine to sober up on, put the rest Of them to bed and went down to have Jeff's s