The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-11-24
condition ouite satigfaetorv.

There is a man in Salt Lake who is
quite bald. He is not a marked man
on this account, because there are
several others similarly fitted out as
20 hair. but this man is worthy of
note because he has succeeded in balk-
ing all the efforts Of well-meaning
friends who have been trying to rus
tie more hair for him. His hair be
gan to leave him when he was quite
young. His mother dOped his head for
a few years, without effect, although
she used something like thirty differ
ent sure cures His wife tried in vain
to persuade him to try different treat
ments. His protestatiOns that it would
all be useless effort and expense failed
to satisfy her friends, it appears, and
somebody wrote to an eastern hair
restorar company, advising them TO
take up the case Forthwith the poor
man was the recipient of one or more
letters weekly from the hair culture
firm. They repeatedly assured him that
they could cure him if given a chance,
sent him samples of their stuff, refer
ences by the pound and pestered aim
good and plenty. At length he hit
upon a scheme that stopped them. II
is such a good scheme that all bald
headed men should know it, He sat
down one day and wrote to them as
follows.
'FOrcethehair Chemical Co.-Gentle-
men: Your many thoughtful letters re-
ceived and much appreciated. 1 feel
to the uttermOst your kindly interest
in my naked head. While not per-
sCnally acquainted with you, let me
say I am convinced your solicitude
evidences an interest in my welfare
that is most holy. You remind me OF
my relatives, because they are more
interested I'm this question than i am.
i COnCede that many people admire
hair on a persons head; some are sad
dened when they lose their hair; some
wear wigs; but, permit me to state,
am not Of their number. Personally
/ think nothing is so hideous as full
growth OF hair on a civilized person
head. The beasts of the field are COW
cred with hair, and when / see hair
on a human beings head I take it to
be an indication that the person is Of
nature but little removed from a
brute. A bare head is an essential to
the ideal type for civilized man, /
never permit my affections to go out
to a man who has full growth Of
hair. To do so would, i'm my opin-
ion. put me on a level with the brute
creation. ActUated by these sentiments
I. years ago, pulled out all my hair
and vanished the scalp so that no
more hair could force its way through.
I would rather lose my right arm than
to have a single hair on my head.
For this reason you must see that
your efforts in my behalf. disinterest-
ed as I know them TO be without your
kind assurance tC that effect and ac-
tuated, as you say, wholly by the
noblest motives, prompted, as you de-
clare, solely by your non-cOmmercial
desire to enhance my bodily charms
are quite useless. I love YOU for the
esteem you manifest. appreciate full
ly that you do this just because you
want to make me happy. but. I re-
peat. you have got the wrong number
While your letters have been a great
comfort to me, I trust you viii see
from this that you cannot help ms. Ny
life for years past has been con-
tinuous struggle against hair. I ac-
cept your missives as evidence Of a
pure affection for me, as beautiful as
it is rare, but permit me to trespass
upon your feelings sufficiently to ask
that hereafter you lavish your love
upon one who believes as you do in
regard to this matter. I am convinced
your future existence would be more
tremendously beautiful If you would
correspond with someone who loves
hair as 7 love its absence.
Yours affectiOnateiv"
The man has not received any more
letters. samples or testimonials, and is
happy.