Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1903-12-02
Love Labeled.

Father Hagerty, Socialist leader Of
Milwaukee, recently made a speach at
young woman in the audience who
was excepting company with young
man to see if he had a union card, and
if not to "drop him entirely" or at
least notify him that he must secure
the card at once. Inasmuch as the OBJ
jective point with all young men and
women who are excepting company" is
to get union" card in the shape OF a
license from the county clerk, there is
nothing alarming in Father Hagerty S
advice. Looked at in another way,
however, it is calculated to cause dis
may in all the land of loverdom. Pref
ty much everything else and every
body has been unioniZed. We can
only smoke labeled cigars, "chaw" on
labeled plug, wear labeled "pants" and
eat labeled canned goods. There is a
label on our buttons, on our sgalluses,"
much every thing that enters into hui
man consumption and adornment.
But this is the first effort made to
corner the "tender passion and put q
label on the fat little body of saucy
Dan Cupid. That busy boy works
best in couples and there is nothing
he so abhors as a multitude 1.-TWO is
company; three is crowd" has always
been the motto Of the god of Love,
when in the melting mood. Up to
date he has, in all the rage for organ
lzation, remained unorganized and sin
maiden meditation. fancy free" But
all this is now changed. Dan must
put on label and what's more, he
must see that all his male disciples
are likewise labeled. The revolution
airy possibilities involved in all this
are beyond calculation. Hereafter
when Araminta or black eyed Susan
trip to the bamboo tree or the sum-
mer house to await the arrival of the
eager lover, the old program Of rising
to meet him with rapturous kiss and
bear hug can no longer be followed.
The first thing is to stand aloft and
cody repel his ardent addresses until
he can be searched to sec if he has a
label concealed about his clothes.
If he has been duly tabled he gets his
kisses; if not, he gets hooks. The
loyal union girl will have no scab lover
in "her'n". IF he comes without the
label he will be instantaneoasly fired
into infinite space, his departure per
haps being accelerated by application
of a dainty boot as he disappears
through the door.
Necessarily this new state OF affairs
will cause endless confusion among
the amatory poets, the fiction writer's
and others whose business it is to deal
with affairs of the heart aud embalm
Cupid's adventures in deathless song
and story. The whole litera ture of
love will have to be recast It will no
longer be a matter Of sentiment
but purely one of prosaic labelling
During the countless ages Of past
spooning hey have treated of the
tender passion in all its phases. We
have had love in the parior, love in the
kitchen, love in the moonlight, love at
the ball, love in war and love in peace
Alas, for poets and poesy We are
now to have only labeled love or love
in the label. Vulgar greed, aggressive
commercialism, the syndicate idea, the
rage for organization have seized mans
last stronghold. Cupid is in shackles,
and if the worst comes to the worst
may have to drop his bow entirely and
put his clothes on. He is no longer an
airy spirit, an elf from fairyland, a
Puck carrying around his mysterious
love juice. He is only tag! 1t looks
as if Gloves Label Lost" would be the
new reading for Shakespeare's famous
comedy.