The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1903-06-12
cLARA's EXPERIENCE.


Ny cousin-in-law. Clara. is not addicted
to fits.
/ thought at one time that she was
victim OF this distressing ailment but I
have later learned that such is not the
case. She is simply disciple OF the great
god Hygiene
The popularity which gave rise to the
false theory was observed shortly after
Clara had completed her subiugation OF
the maid and brought that naughty man
nered person to a point where she said
drawing room when she meant parlor
and announced Luncheon is served
when she felt it her duty 10 summon US
TO table.
Clara has been given a room facing the
| street. 1t is very nice room. finished in
stripy greens. which is really an admira-
bic arrangement when considered in con-
junction with Clara's hair, which is Of the
tint the late Mr.. Titan is said to have
approved. BY the way the original
scheme of wall paper in that room had
been blue and gold but CIara's comm.
| had driven out that hackneyed combina-
ton. She had declared blue and gold TO
be not smart after which there was
nothing further to be said
It was in the early spring that Clara
came to Us. She weighed at that time-on
a liberal estimate-ninety-se pounds in
her tailor made suit. Shortly after her
arrival, the postman who serves our dis
triet began TO complain of the excessive
mail he was called upon TO carry from the
| substation TO our apartment house. He
said he didn't think IT was the right way
TO treat him. For said he on an occa-
sion when 1 happened 10 be in the hallway
at the time of his arrival ALI this extry
stuff amt nuthink but ads, anyway. I'm
wise to that, because the package amt
| sealed, an they've got the marks OF
health system fakirs on EN- too. / wisht
You would speak 10 the lady about It.
! Theys a lot OF folks just writes answers
| to ads SOS they'll get a big mail an the
other tenants will think they're some
bodies If it keeps up. I'll have to resign.
l don't have to work at this business.
anyway. My father owns a Tot of proper
| ~ in Harlem. I've been in business for
myself, an I'll tell you this much. I'm
| god deal better fixed than a lot of folks
l give mail to- (iere he loked rather in
tehtly at mel. The only reason I'm in this
| business is that I've got the asthma so
| bad that the doctor told me I'd have TO
stop office work and live out doris That's
the only reason I'm doing this
l apologiZed and the incident was closed
| for the time
To revert to Clara and the alarming
| symptoms which gave rise TO my suspi-
| cion. As 1 said. her room was at the front
! of the fat Our own apartment was some
| distance away. One morning or as IL
seemed TO me. at some unearthly, middle of
| the night period, / was aroused by my
| submerged tenth, who desired in a whis-
| pered confidence. that l arise and extermi-
| nate some burglars. For said she
as l sat up, there's a burglar in the
front rom 1 heard him sneeze"
1t woul have been the proper thing for
me to have pooh-pohed this suggestion.
] ENsRr
| stool at my side. Cautiously grasping
the weapon, l stole noiselessly in the d.
rection whence had come the sound I
| parted the heavy pOrtieres and took
hasty survey Of the room.
There was no burglar in sight but by
the faint light Of the early morning I
could see my cousin -in-law Clara stretch
ed on the floor, a victim of the most vio-
| lent commissions. I stole away from the
| scene and addressed my alarmst
Why did you not tell me- l asked.
Tell you what?' she demanded.
THAT your cousin Clara has fits
WHAT" she gasped.
She is having one now | continued
| There's no burglar here. She is in a very
distressing condition. prone upon the floor.
She IS frothing at the mouth and once i'm
while she gasps and sputters in pitia-
BILE fashion"
1t was case of a womans aid. ! was
alone. When the portieres had opened
| and closed I heard a sharp scream from
| Clara, followed by a hum of conversation,
! then a laugh which was not Clara's.
IT'S all right, said the partner Of my
| joys and the cousin of Clara, returning.
Better, is she?" I said thankfully.
Better? Why. she wasn't having fit,
at all. She says she was simply going
| through the exercises that the advertise
| ments in the boks said would increase her
weight and general measurements.
But why does she hiss like snake. as
| she was doing just now? 1 asked
IT'S part of the process. She says the
| box says You must de- that when you ex-
| pei the air from your lungs.
Clara herself gave us a very convincing
! explanation of the system when we met
| at breakfast. She said ii would make
| flesh grow where flesh never grew before,
and would give one the plumpness of a
| stall fed squad.
Clara has ben faithful to the system.
! She has exercised daily for months. Her
weight. at a liberal estimate. is ninety
seven pounds. including her tailor made
| suit.-N. Y. HERALD