The Farmington times and herald. (Farmington, St. Francois Co., Mo.) 1902-1905, 1903-01-01
Alternating Currents

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TO THE CHRISTMAS VICTIMS.
Here's to the man who drew his pay
A month or SO in advance
TO buy each friend Xmas gift
And pay for the new pair OF pants
lie now must have his hair cuts charged
And his shaycs and shines aud smokes,
He's dead broke now and that's a fact,
But he S one OF the SWEETEST folks.
Here's to the man who bought a drum
A French harp and a horn,
Aud took them home to the children
dear,
For gifts on Xmas mora,
The kids ran the ranch like the trusts
run the nation
His poor wife died of nervous prortra.
ton
The cook went away III fat OF vcN1tion,
The man killed himself in sheer dcspcr-
alton.
There are mule barns and mule
barns, but Pennington is going to
have a MULE BARN. How unfUr
tunate it is that the Borr war is II
thing of the past. Think of the
vast possibilities that our city has
missed. If only our mule barn
had been in existence when Tommy
Atkins drove tie festive jasSack
mp Spiou Kopjc! It would not
have been the Missouri Mule,
but the Pennington Mule.
However let us not bewaiI the past
but rather let us get u firm grasp
on the future. Let us rejoice
over the beautiful music that viii
soon he ours. Other lands mny go
to, with their nightingalcs, but
as for us. give us mulr.music or
give us naught. Wherefore. we
propose coat-of arms for our
city. let it he bnru couchnnt
on an argent field with mule
rampant. We drink to the health
of the mule barn and the New
Pennington.
The way in which our citizens
obeyed the Mayors Proclamation
was something frightful. The
small boy was contentcd with giant
torpedoes and toy pistols. The
large boy was contented with shot
guns, A. 4-bulldogS, Tom and Jcr
ries and egg-nogs The thirst
palaces took in the coin, the other
fellows took in the town. Our
marshal was there all right, but u
small marshal in the presence of II
double. barrelIed shot gun looks like
the proverbial thirty cents. 1t was
no use. The shoI guns, rcvolvers.
cannon crackers and fine, large,
healthy yells have come to stay.
It's no use. Human nature is
too perverse. People can't be
satisfied. Why. these cold days
when yo you go down the. street
feeling like a Sandow and remem
bering with horror the weather ar
the other end of the almanac,
you're sure TO meet some fellow
whistling In the Good Old Sum
mertime. y Or else you'll hear
somebody very, very much awake,
humming Please go away and let
me sleep" If you happen to be
out at night youIl hear someone
singing Good Morning, Carrie. "
That's just the way it is. People
will persist in being perverse.
More fickle than the winds of
heaven, more changeful than the
veriest coquette, is the newspaper
dom of Pennington. Presto! I!
Change! and behold new editor
Verify the conjurer's hat is
filled with great surprises. We
are prepared for anything Next!
To the heart wrenched sister of
little mountain boy who was cut
down before he was ripe;
niJ J.,tt, IL. ,x,oI j,,,,d tu.,nI I,,sa
And smote our little Jackie,
A blow that cooked his precious goose
And all OF us feel rookie.
We humbly bow To heavens laws,
While thus so sorely stricken
And try to feelresigned, because,
There sin't no use o. kickin
Denver Post.
A very exciting crap game took
place once. Ten persons witnessed
the play. When the grand jury
met the same ten persons played
the witness.
Susan poisoned her grandmother's tea
Grandmama died in agonee.
Susan's papa was greatly vexed,
And he said to Susan, "My dsir, what
next?"
Did you see "FinneEan's Bali
at the Opera House last week. I
Fourteen Of MS were there. We
missed you.