The Mankato free press. [volume] (Mankato, Blue Earth County, Minn.) 1879-1924, 1903-07-31
DEMOCRATIC PRAYER.

Once more, . Satan, is it eur delightful
privilege to PROSTATE ourselves before
thee in an attitude of devotion. We
wish to thank thee for the demonstra-
ton of the satanic spirit which has been
busily working in our hearts from the
earliest of our existence down to the
present time. By thy help we have oeenl
able to- steal many votes and get many.
Offices which we would not have gotten
if thou hadst not been with us. o Faith
er Satan, thou has been powerful good
to us Democrats, and we don't know how
to rnank thee ass,mueh as we want to-.
Thou dost love US as much when we are
in office, and thou giyest us the gall and
the impudence tooppOse the Republicans
| in whatever they undertake to do. Thou
advisest us to tell lies on them and sland-
Ell their administration. Thou furnishest
| the lies and we tellest 'em to the best of
our ability, but its awful hard sometimes
to make the voters see it like we tell it..
They've got fashion of looking back
over the past and remembering the
whoppers we used to tell. That is one
, OF the biggest obstacles we have to con,
tend with o. Father Satan, if thou
tcouldst aonly devise some plan by which
mems memories could be taken away
from them we would never have any
more trouble. We can't see for our lives
what good memory is, anyhow. If we
had been entrusted with the job of max.
ing man we would have made him with
out a memory, and like as not we'd have
made him without several other things
that he's got, such as conscience, common
sense, judgment and other troublesome
Qualities. But, Master, thou knowest
I that we were not consulted about the
making of man, and therefore he is not
made to correspond with our views of the
politics. He has got great many hab-
it's which we don't like-habits that are
very troublesome to us in our efforts to
get the ofices--7and the chief of these is
~, g habit of remembering things. 0 Sa-
,t,n it looks like we will never be able
= bye. ( him of this terrible habit. He
met wiz ,,emember that Soup House Adj
iministrat;on, in spite of all we can do
OF say. and tho knCwest as well as we
do that he will new, vote the Democratic
ticket to do any goG.a as long as he re:
members that soup. =
Now, 0 mighty and al orable Luc,fer,
we want to make specAn appeal 70
thee in regard to this matter, we oQ
nightly beseech thee to dig dow, n deep
into thy reserve fund of plots ana
schemes and see if thou canst not fnA1
something that will cure this memory
trouble. We have to some extent neu-
tralized the effect of it in the South by
means of our election laws and ballot
box thieves, but when we run up against
national campaign our Southern Anti
Memory Specific don't cutsany ice hardly.
Them Northern fellows simply won't
swallow our medicine, and we don't know
what in the name of creation to do about
it. The time for another Presidential
campaign will soon be upon us, and it is
going to find us with no party Organiza-
ton, no platform and no candidate. We
could not possibly find enough Democrats
who would agree on any one thing to nomi
ate a township dogwhipper, much less
candidate for President. Thou knOwest,
o Satan, how badly we are divided
against ourselves and utterly hopeless
our case is unless we can get together.
Thou knowest, also, that Organism and
Clevelandism are at swords points with
each other and II they come together at
all it will be a death duel. Every ism
vac have is mad at every other ism we
have, and the chance of reconciliation
is as slim as blue racer in December.
! But that is only part of our troubles,
o Satan. We have others. When we
look across the fence into the Republican
camp we see everything tremendously
blended together and working like a Wal
than watch. No disord there. No clam
oring. over platforms and o Master Luci-
fer, it seems that all their political ques-
,tions are self-adjustihg. O., how we do
wish we had that sort of questions!
When we behold the harmony of the en-
'emy's camp and the discord in our own
VIC, get mad enough to bite ourselves if
that would do any good.
Now, 0 Satan, we leave our case in thy
hands. We don't know what else to ask.