Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-11-20

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Ethel didn't know that your Aunt
Dorothy was married. Reggie-Well,
she is. I guess I know, cause went
to her funera1!-Lippincott'
She lost her head when he proposed.
but he, trifie bolder, made search
for it distractedly. and found it ON his
shoulder.-Philadelph Record.
Rooney-Where did We git tn black
eye, Moike? Clancy-Why, Tim Do
lan's just back from his honeymoon
an twas me advised Tim t. git mar.
ried.-Judge.
Don't you think that woman's
cleverY" Clever! Why, she's so
clever she can make all her clothes
without other women knowing it!'-
Brooklyn Life.
She-I trust Jack, our marriage will
not be against your fathers will. Jack
Pm sure I hope not. 1t would be
mighty hard for us if he should change
it.-Town and Country.
Chimmy-How much fer dat dia-
mond ring in dere-de big one? Jewel
er-Four hundred dollars. Chimmy-
Say, Mag, would yer sooner hev dat
er plate Nv ice cream?
Snapp-He's got a scheme for max
ing money that seems to be all right
in theory. Skrapp-Huh! All men with
theories are fools. Snapp-1ndeed?
That's your theory, 10 it?-Philadel-
phia Ledger.
Briggs-It's too bad about Wrinkle
and the girl he's engaged to. Neither
of them is good enough for the other.
Griggs-What makes you think that?
well I've been talking the matter
over with both families. Life.
''This is a pretty time Of night for
that girl next door to be playing the
piano" remarked an indignant lady
to her husband. "Oh, she's no respec-
tor of time! You can tell that from
the way she's playingv' rejoined he.
HusbandeWhere did you get that
sideboard? Wife-At an auction. for
$1OO. Husband-Awful! 1 could have
bought the same thing for $50. Wife
We'll, 1 wasn't going to let that wom-
an across the way outbid me.-Brook-
lyn Life.
He-The astrologer described you
exactly and said that l should marry
you She-Don't you think it was a
waste of money to consult him? He
Why? She-I could have told you
the same thing myself if you had
asked me!
Man Dressmaker-Well what now?
Apprentice have discovered a way
to make a woman's dress so that she
will look like hump-backed baboon
with bats wings. Man Dressmaker-
Glorious! 1t will become the rage
New York Weekly.
1T is her proud boast that she has
never heard an opera in her life" You
must be mistaken. She isn't Puritan
at all, but quite a gay society girl"
That's just it. She never goes to the
opera except as one of a box party"
-Phila delphia Press.
He (as they were seated in a quiet
nook near the links)-Are you quite
sure we have never met before this
season? She-Yes; quite positive. He
-Auu YOU LII SA SiStCi ShC-4<Os
why do you ask? He-Wen. I'm posi-
tive hugged that blouse before, some
where.
Aren't there some jealousies in your
progressive euchre club?" mo, in
deed,'' answered young Mrs. Torkins;
when we buy prizes we are always
careful to select things that no one
not be an object of envy."-Washing-
ton Star.
Mr. Kidder-Ah, WIDER do, doctor!
If you have a few minutes to spare
l wish you would come over to my
house and chloroform my youngest
with the lad? Mr.. Kidder-Oh, his
mother wants to comb his hair.-Har-
per's Bazaar.
Creditor-"See, here! Now that
you've come in for some money, why
don't you pay my bill?" slopay-"Cer-
tainly-er-I beg pardon-what is your
nameT Creditor-"Ziegier." Slopay
Sorry. but you'll have to wait. I'm
paying. my creditors in alphabetical
0fU@T. @T.-F0uaUClpuId EIcSs.
"No," said the fair proprietor OF the
refrigerator heart, Il cannot be your
wife, but I'll be sister to YOU"
Thanks, awfuliy," rejoined the youth
who was left at the post. III there
in one thing I need more than another
It In an elderly sister to look after
me and prevent me from making fool
of myself. Chicago Daily News.
A girl about Ave years of age was
wandering around the other day, when
a policeman espied her. and asked.
"where you going. sissy" Going
home" Where is your home?" Il
can't find it." Cant you? Then I'm
afraid you are lost 'Oh, no. 1 ain't!"
she promptly replied. I'm right here
but home is lost. wish you'd be good
and find it for me-"
Aunt Jane-They tell me you took
fifty dollars of Mr.. Young's money at
the card table last night. 1 did not
know that you ever gambled. Nephew,
THAT wasn't gambling auntie
Young was quite elated at the hand