Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1903-04-06

| A TREAT danu: Mike (teacnlng Fat
poker)-Well. what hov yez got? Pat
-Four trowels and black sha mrock!
Puck.
She-Doctor, is Squcedunk good
place to 60 for rheumatism? Doctor
Sure. That's where got mine.-De-
troit Free Press.
The Doctor-Are you sure you never
buried any one alive? The Under
taker-Well, none of your patients, at
least.-Chicago Daily News.
Frightful: Pat has got an awful
cash in his face" "Does it seem to
hurt him much?" mo. He uses it to
eat Withdrew York Sun.
when Mr.. Casey died he left all
he had to the orphan asylum" I'm
deed! That was nice of him. What
did he leaveT" His twelve children"
Chicago Evening Post.
A Sunny South Item: "Where in
thunder are you going with that stove
and all those overcoats?" II am going,
my friend, to spend the winter in
Florida. ATLANTA Constitution.
Phrapper after his tenth miss)-Oh,
hang the birds Keeper-Sorry, sir,
but we amt got no string; but if you
likes to let me have the gun I'll shoot
'em for you.-Glasgow Evening Times.
Quickest Way: Mr.. Kidder-People
say that it is impossible to find nee
die in haystack-but they're wrong.
l.,s
it Mr.. Kidder-Walk across the stack
in my stocking feet.-Denver Repub-
lican.
DR.. Smarty-Had very delicate
surgical operation at my place yester-
day. Removed an arm from a lady's
waist. DR.. SynneX-lf it was your
arm the operation could not have been
very painful to the lady.-Boston
Transcript.
"And now" said the teacher, at the
"where is the seat of memory? Can
any Of you tell meY "Yessum,' re-
piled Johnny Brighteyes; "in the lit
tie finger, where you tie string around
it to make you recolect"-Cincinnati
Commercial Tribune.
| Restful awlins-Dat new hobo hez
jess completed his first "century' ride
on de trucks in freight train! Mar
row Gauge Nevins-Did it please him
much? Restful awins-Not a bit!
He said de dust an jolts reminded him
wv de days when he WIZ rich an own
ed an "autO.'-Puck.
ShOpkeeper (whose patience is com
pletely hausted)-Snippers. call the
porter to kick this fellow out. Impor-
tunate Commercial Traveller (undaunt-
ed)--Now. while we're waiting for the
porter, I'll show you an entirely new
line-best thing you ever laid eyes on.
Glasgow Evening Times.
Are you sure the course is clear:'
she whispered. sliding down to the
arms of her lover. Eyes" he respond
ed; II succeeded in boring hole in
the waterpipe. Your father has dis
covered it, and will keep his finger over
the hole until the plumber arrives.
Gomez! iladelphia Bulletin.
Somewhat Broken: WAS Mrs Muir
ply pleased when she heard her lIus-
bands voice on the phonograph:"
Every much So but the record was
scratched and his speech sounded in
conerently." Eyes, she said it sound
ed just like him talking when he came
home from the club. News.
The Self Effacing Act: Myer--ln old
| ~; 4 &c, hnt nnsSiIlln
for man to render himself invisible.
Gyer-Pshaw! that's not at all remark
able. Men in this country are doing
it every day. Myer-You don't tell me.
How do they manage it? Gyer--By
marrying famous women.-Chicago
News.
Mr.. Mulhooly-Phwat fur are yez
maxim such noise on that PLAINLY?
Y'r drlvin' me distrac ted wild yr rack
ct, an me head achin' loik it wud split
in two PAGES! Daughter-Them new
neighbors mkt door has been complaint
in of my playin'. Mr.. Mulhooly--Be-
CORA, hammer harder.-New York
Weekly.
Not So Bad: Mrs. Henpeck-l read
this morning about man who was
arrested twenty minutes after his we'd
ding and sent to prison for fifteen
years. Isn't that awful? Mr. Hen
peck-Oh. don't know. The law
doesn't compel him to take his wife
to prison with him. does it?-Balt
more World.
The Different Stages: Zone smile
makes Irritation. One Irritation
makes two acquainted. Two acQ,iaint-
ed makes one kiss. One kiss makes
several more. Several kisses make an
engagement. One engagement makes
two fools. Two fools make one mar
rage. One marriage makes mother
in-law. One mother-in-law makes a
red-hot time."-EX.
Taken at Her Word: "Now," said
Mrs. Biggleson's cousin at breakfast
on the morning after her arrival,
don't make company Of me. l want
to be treated just as If l were one of
the family" "All right" replied Mr..
Biggleson, helping himself to the ten
der part Of the steak, well try to
make you feel right at home. Chi