davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1903-05-10

birthday present and I've had it ever
since-but haven't got it with me-"
The Pochuck chronicler paused, but no
one said word.
a year ago" he continued, after an elo-
quent sigh, "Hackaliah Bascorh made up
his mind tibet it would be a good stroke
O business for him to take out policy
ag'in accidents happenin TO him, then when
the next time come around for him to have
somethin' happen to him he could lay back
and draw SIS a week, and if he got killed.
his folks would get his insurance money.
HE said there wasn't any sort o doubt
but what when he died it d DO OWN to an
explosion or collision, or somethin' o that
somethin' for his family out of it as not
So he got a five-thousand-iollar policy.
After that he drove the skittsliest horses
he could git, but they always fetched him
home safe and sound Billsouzer's saw
mill was known to hav, bi'lar tina twasn't
der mill Hackaliah Bascom took great
fancy to settin' in that sawmill day after
day and arguin' politics.
Zone day he didn't go to the mill for some
reason or other, and the bi'ler busted and
killed the sawyer. and laid up for two months
before.
"A bridge fell into the creek. fifty foot
below 1t, one day jest as Hackaliah Bas-
com had drove across it. He got out Of
tram az Bullsnlp StatlOn one DAY, ana a
mile further on the train ran OF the track
and smashed the car he was in all to
splinters.
He went out TO shoot chicken one
day. John Snavey. a neighbor. asked
him to let him take the gun and knock the
hen over Hackaliah handed over the
gun. The barrel busted and took OF four
o. Snavely's fingers
And so 1t kept goin' all along. Hacka-
liah's luck seemed to have changed en-
tirely. Everything seemed to 60 agin
him, and at last. three weeks ago. he was
took with bilious fever and died as peace
full as chloroformed rabbit.
YES Hackaliah Bascom is dead, my
Uncle David Beckendarter's favorite
brother-in-law and I'm feelin' mighty
bad about it, Mighty bad. tell you.
Bowed with SORROW
The cash register jingled merrily over
the purchase Of q couple Of highballs.
The manipulation inspected his complexion
critically In the mirror among the glass
ware Nobody said word until the man
from toward Pochuck rose, with re-
mark, uttered with some pepper in it,
-I'm feelin' mighty bad about poor, old
Hackaliah Bascom." said he, but Teller
might be bowed down with sorrow till he
doubled up like iackknife, by cats. and
nobody around here d pour anything on
to 1t to drownd It'll"
Then he STROBE out and went Pochuck-
ward
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1903-05-10
blue azure sky, and a groan of horror went
up from the thousands who witnessed the

blue azure sky, and a groan of horror went
up from the thousands who witnessed the
sight.
The. pony just grazed the tall trees and
went for the church spire. Zeke wondered
whether the wind arrow would stick him
through the heart or liver and which would
hurt the most.
just as it seemed as if nothing could save
him, the wind shifted a trif1e and twisted
the clothasline around the church spire.
The strain broke the clothesline, and away
went the greatest kite that ever was, whirl-
ing and whiFling and disappearing at last
from sight far in the southwest.
And there on the steeple, still fast to the
rope, hung Zeke Higgins and his Pet pony,
about twenty feet over, scaholding on
which men were at work repairing the old
slate roof.
The men soon had Zeke down from his
dangerous position, safe and sound, but
scared white as snow.
But they had hard job getting the pony
down He kicked and struggled, and even
tried to bite the men who climbed up after
him.
Finally, after Mr.. Higgins had been car,
ried home and the doctors had wrapped
lot of red flannel around his sore stomach
the Ma yor Of the town sent for balloon.
1t went up, hitched strong steel cables
to the pony and at last landed him safely.
The operation took several hundred dol
lars out of the big wallet carried by Mr..
higgins, bnt ne SAID ne dldn caip SO ioiB
as the pony never got another chance to
kick him in the stomach, and he felt very
proud of his son.
Zeke never found the kite and is very
sorry, for he wanted much to show 1t to his
friends who were not there the day it dis
appeared He thinks the kite would have
been good proof Of his story, which he
delights to tell.
When any one now asks If the tale is true
Zeke says not a word. He merely takes
the uuestioner out to the barn and shows
the pony and a piece Of the clothes line
which he has saved for that very purpose.
(To he ccnf,nued)
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1903-05-10
THE QUEER CASE
/ OF ZEKE HIGGINS
A Wonderful Box Kite Which
Brought Joy and Terror to the
Town of Zekesville.

Fora long time after he had swallowed
music box and led big procession through
his private town, Zeke Higgins felt sore
ness in his stomach; but as the balmy spring
days came along he forgot the incident and
decided to make a kite which should be the
wonder OF the State.
Without saying a word to any one he
shook lot of cents out of his bank and
bought load of lumber and roll Of red
cloth. After that he spent all his spare time
In the barn, carefully locking all the doors
and keeping the small boys away.
The neighbors heard sounds Of hammer
ing and saving for many days and Zeke
gloated over the surprise which he had de-
cided to spring upon the public.
One bright Saturday morning his labors
were at an end. The great kite had been
completed
Then, and only then, did the youngster
make the horrible discovery that in his
desperate endeavors TO beat every other
boy he had made the kite 20 large he
couldn't get it through the barn door.
It was severe shock to the poor boy.
who at first decided to tear the roof on the
barn He did rip on few boards before he
happened to think he might displease his
father. So he rolled up his sleeves, took
the kite apart and in short time had 1t all
together again, but out in the yard.
: And such kite as it wasl Being box
kite and half as large as a barn, 1t appeared
at distance like little red brick house.
After gloating over 1t for while. Zeke
hauled down his mothers clothesline and
soon bad it fastened to the kite. Taking
hold Of the end Of the rope he started to
run, but was brought back by a sudden
jerk for he was not strong enough to get his
new toy up in the air.
@Well,r he said with sorrowful smile on
his jovial face, IN be plumb jiggered II
1 haven't over-reached myself. Here
have made the greatest kite the world has
ever seen. but it's no earthly good, because
can't fly it, .,
Out In the orchard the pony was eating
things he should not eat. Zeke figured
that he could tie the rope TO the pony, the
animal could do the running, up would 60
the marvellous toy--and all would be well.
e a few minutes later the innocent
dumb brute was tied to the rope and look
ina with goo-goo eyes at the thing which
scanned to be q red schoolhouse. With a
hurrah Zeke jumped upon his back.
.Whoop la! Get up there" and Zeke
dus his heels into the ribs Of the pony.
hut the animal wouldn't bulge. He
wanted to look at the kite.
.Whoopi Gelang!" and again the heels
were dug into the ribs.
Finally the beast started and up went
the kits with a rush. Then the pony
stopped.
The pull on the rope was 20 great he
ooulfint move. All he could do was to
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1903-05-10
BROKERS LUNCH AT EASE.
Comfortable Quarters on the Eighth Floor
OF the New Stock Exchange.

OF the New Stock Exchange.
Perhaps the most popular feature Of
the new Stock Exchange Building, at noon
time at least. is the Luncheon Club whose
elaborate dining rooms take up good
share of the eighth floor. while its splendidly
equipped kitchens are on the floor above
The rooms of the club are filed to over
flowing every day, and the members have
voted the enterprise big uccess.
Membership in the club, which is limited
to 600, is not confined strictly TO members
of the Exchange. but the number Of out
siders is small The charges to members
cons st Of a fifty-dollar initiation fee and
annual dues OF the same amount.
There is thus s,tured an income OF at
least $4,000 year to meet expenses over
the cost OF eatables. which are charged
for at a price surprisingly near cost. A
goodly part of the $4,000 goes in rent. for
the Luncheon Club is OH the same footing
financially "a the various telegraph and
cable companies which rent quarters in
the building. :,
The rooms used by the cl ub are well
adapted to their purpose. There Is main
dining room where smoking Is permitted
a smaller room for the non-smokers, and
lounging room for both. All the rooms
are finished in glowing mahogany. and the
ceilings are heavily beaIned.
The feature Of the main dining room IL
a great fireplace Of fine design with plastic
decorations Of fruits and flowers. an idea
which is also carried out In the mural
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1903-05-10
Curious Conceits Of the Funny
Men Seen and Described.

IAN the worlds stage Never
.-,er word than e'er passed the lips Of
o,r immortal WILL" sighed the sad-eyed
man with the unshorn locks,
.Of all the parts I've acted those which
i've acted of the boards have been the
hos, You've never seen me on the stage?
Ali. then you cannot realize the ssArtnng
nature Of my statement.
-Why out in Bleeding Heart, Kan.
when night after night thrilled thousands
upon thousands with my mastery Richard
IjI nv acting was of such quality as to
almost bring the vengean &c. Of the law
upon one of my fellow players. The realism
If NV death scene was such as to cause
the audience to rise to their feet with cries
Of vengeance for the luckless Richmond.
Lynch him, lynch himl Kill the other
one, too they shouted.
NV great Romeo and Juliet triumph
took place in Montana the same year.
so lfelike was my death scene there
that the audience could not be persuaded
that still lived 1n'spite of the managers
protest they demanded that the curtain
be r,.ng down as matter of respect.
The papers next day gave me some
idea of the gaping void l will leave in the
profession when the inevitable does come
j Thespin Porque,' one touching tribute.
said. will be an awful loss as Romeo
Worse Than Dead was the hea aiding OF
another.
But. as | have already remarked my
most finished bits of art have been those
enacted on the stage Of everyday life.
FOR example. there was that time l
laid the ghosts in Broken Skull, Wis.
man had bought farmhouse. He was
stranger to the country and thought
he'd struck bargain.
But he soon found out that the place
was dear at any price. Men would not
work on it, the crops would not grow, the
cattle sickencd and died.
Strange sounds at night such as the
clanking Of chains and breaking Of glass,
made the place unbearable. In short, the
house was haunted.
The man was just about to give the
place up in despair when luckily he heard
OF me. You'll scarcely believe what tell
you, sir. unless you We seen me act.
After had given two performances as
Hnmist~ Oh t, every other Shade on the
premises. green with envy, melted away.
and has never been seen since. To-day
there isn't more fertile farm for miles
around than that one.
But my browning achievement mt was the
time saved the Deadwood coach. You've
never heard Of it? Alas, such is earthly
fame
we had just reached lonely place in
the road when a troop of masked horsemen
dashed out of the impenetrable woods that
lined either side of the pass
Halt their leader cried in stentorian
tones.
AS we were all unarmed, there was
nothing else to do.
"'Dismount' Up with your hands COM
manded Jesse James, for it was none other
than James himself.
Again we obey ed
Twas at this point my mastery Of the
dramatic art saved The day
Quickly changing from the attitude Of
abject terror which had p,lrposely as
sumed upon first alighting from the coach.
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1903-05-10
THE TURN IN
| Mr.. BASCOM'S LUCK.
Related to an Unsympathetie A.
diene: by the Man From Over
Poehuck Way.

CHESTER y. Y. May o.-@My Uncle David
Beckcndarter's brother-in-law, Hackaliah
Rascom. was the unluckest man. s'pose
tha. ever lived" said the man who per-
sists that he is entitled to be believed when
he says that he lives over toward Poe buck,
as he leaned against the wall facing the
Rowland House cash register. Then,
again, you might say he was the luckfe st
man that ever lived. There are two sides
to every question, and it's poor rule that
won't work both ways
The manipulation of tho cash register
VAS compounding cocktail for stranger
who came in and said he had been all night
at Goshen. The stranger quaffed his tipple
and went out.
A cocktail" said the man from over
toward Pochuck, was something that my
Uncle David Beckendarter's brother-in-law,
hackaliah Bascom, never would drink.
Give me mine straight he used tn say.
and then il I fall by the way amt goin' to
git mad and abuse the bartender, and lay
II TO too much sugar, a squirt more bitters
than there 'dought a-been, or the lemon
that was squeezed in it, he used to say
Nhackallah was philosopher. but l
think he carried his philosophy little too
'"' uS W Vie IdtttT VI WudV Sc pcoh W
drink Now, | amt particular whether
mine is a cocktail or dead straight
The man from Pochuck paused. The
manipulation OF the cash register was busy
fixing his .necktie at the mirror among
the glassware. No one remarked any
thing The Pochuck citizen sighed, sat
down, cracked couple of fingers on both
hands, and said:
Yes, Hackaliah Bascom was the luckiest
and the unluckiest man that ever lived.
He was always havin' narrow escapes
until year ago He hadn't a whole bone
In his body when he died-for Hackaliah
Ii dead, and I'm feeln' mighty bad about
h-and as to scars, he'd have made good
twin brother to the tattooed man in the
side show
As soon as Hackaliah Bascom went
anywhere near a railroad an ingine would
blow up and give him clip or he'd git
run over or his horse would git scared
and run away and break a leg or somethin
for him
Once he was ridin' on an express train.
goin' up the mountain, over In Pennsyl-
vania, near where he lived. The train
hadn't gone far before Hackaliah got it
into his head that he'd 60 back in the hind
car He walked out OF the door and square
of the platform He was in the hind car
all the time and didn't know II,
He tumbled around on the track in the
wake of the train for about a quarter Of
mile, and was cut and slashed and scraped
in way that would have filed pedler
OF srnica plaster with joy. Hackaliah
picked himself up by and by and started
on his way afoot. -.
He had walked pretty near all the way
20 his station when along came the emf
grant train. going his way. The cow.
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1903-05-10
1. the Nexro . Small Eater:

From the Nep Orleans Timcs-Democrnt.
There is n very popular. but very erron-
eous belief that the negro is heartier eater
than the white man. said an observant citi-
zen, but after Some little observation have
come 10 The conciusion that the negro ia really
a much smaller eater than white man. My
attention was called tn the matter soma
time ago by Senator Anse McLaurin OF Mis-
sissippi. who asked me IL had noticed the
fact that negroes, as rule, when well fed,
and when they could got their meals regularly.
ate less than white men. I frankly confessed
that had noticed no SUCH thing. and said
further that did not believe II was So Oi
generalization. and was due mainly to the
popular Iief NY Interest ol IN me mattsf
made by the Mississippi statesman. and SOL
made a series. Of observations. the results
have upset the opinions OF a lifetime. I am
now II position to assert sSd t. thdf the .s.
q third less than white man.
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1903-05-10

relief and Joy.
They. come" cried. pointing down the
road with one hand, and swapping the
fingers Of tho other in a lfe-like Imitation
OF gauoping horses. They come! We are
The robbers, completely taken In hy nv
rusc, turned to look. As they did 40 threw
fingers like Gathering hoofs. Great dust
arose whore the stones struck. The rob-
beers, completely terrified at the approach
OF the rescue party. as they thought, threw
themselves into their saddles and galloped
on as fast as spur-oriven horses could carry
them.
BY the way, I'd be glad to eat with you,
If you have no other engagement.
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1903-05-10
Queries.

In duplicate whist is double dealing per-
missible;
II man Is picture of health does
he necessarily have to have powerful frame?
Are prornpters necessarily stage coaches,--
Harvard Ldnpoon
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1903-05-10
Help Wanted +?

A. Fusser-What would you do II should
kiss you'
Mary McLane-I would scream for help.
A. Fusser-Why, don't you think could
do it alone? Pennsylvania Punch Borl
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1903-05-10
As bad as That,

Higeelty-Poor chap! he's walking on his
uppers.
Pigrelty-Dear dear! Can't even call his
sole his own-Hdrrdrd Ldnpoon.
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1903-05-10

The fly imprisoned in the hour glass. Talk
about your footprints on the sands Of time.
Cornell Ividor.
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1903-05-10
The Idiot Again.

College Idiot (indehnitely)-It strikes no me
doesn't il?
Kind Friend-Er-w what does?
College Idiot-Why. was just thinking OF
our parlor clock & Columbia Jester.
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1903-05-10
Defiance.

Lay on mad throny. Missed the traRedian :
lay on. ie may cast your antiquated eggs:
twill avail ye naught. Never shall Hamphat
McBooth bow his neck to the yolk. Cor
nell Widow.
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1903-05-10
Crafty.

Pedler-Mada have here fine COM
plexon beautiler which,
Lady-No. YOU don't work any skin game
on me.--CorneH W iior.
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1903-05-10
II Made a Difference,

Sporter--How far-hic--to Ilarv'd Square?
Policeman--Thir minutes walk,
Sporter--For you-hic-or for me?-Hdr-
rdrd Ldmpoon.
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1903-05-10
Reapell as He SOwed.

Old Roue-Young man. have graduated
from the school of experience.
Young One-From the result. ! would be
willing TO bet that 1t was a night school,
Princeton Tt1er.
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1903-05-10
Limerick Intelligence.

Limerick Intelligence.
Mr.. Bogworthv rented a suite,
In n building without any huite,
He lived there for six months.
But never kicked onths,
For surgeon had cut of' his flute.
-Harrdrd Lam, poon.
y
There was young man from Mont.
Who slipped on peel OF ban.
He fell on his head
And what he then said
Was quite the reverse of Hos"
q. Columbia Jester.
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1903-05-10
Correct.

Teacher-Well, Johnny it's FIVE minutes
| past nine; what are you late for?
Johnny (the boy wonder) School. maam.
-I'rinceton Tiger.
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1903-05-10
Fun OF THE COLLEGE BOYS.

Very Close.
Dead heat-Hades. -Coiumbia Jester.
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1903-05-10
Footing the Bills,

Will jennings and Will Peters. too,
Called on the fair 1.ouella Rue,
Put on a lot of frills.
Said pa, returning late one night:
They're in the parlor; I'll 20 right
Straight in and foot the Bills"
Pennsylvania Punch Boni.
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1903-05-10
Exchange OF COurtesies.

Pardon me" the prisoner pettioned
Not at all; don't mention it," replied the
Governor, fl mly but politely
The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-07-05
Our
 Trunks Capture Trunk Buyers.

Why shouldn't theyP They repre- sent correct styles, thorough work manship, at such prices as to place good trunk within the reach of all. We carry all styles for ladies and men. We handle trunks with slats, or the celebrated yeneered trunks without slats at all. Can give you suspesion or automobile trays. Trunks trimmed and bound in gall vanized iron or leather, in fact any kind of trunk. Prices on all these desirable goods lower than any house in the State. We have a few of the DAMAGED LOT of trunks left. They must be closed out this week. They were damaged by railroad Go. while in transit. They are not hurt in the least so far as wear goes, but their appearance has been somewhat mar red, so we in turn mar the prices. Come in and look at them.
 Suit Cases, Club Bags, Satchels, Telescopes, Shawl Straps, Trunk Straps, Tourists Straps, and in fact everything you can call for in this line can be found in our Great Trunk Department.
 Our window shows some-we show the rest.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-07-05
Notion Bargains.

PARAsoLS, 62 in all, values up to $3.25, your choice. .$1.3e JAPANESE FANS, 600 or 700 to select from, have sold well at 25c, your choice at. ... e.. ..... .14c TEA. About 66 pounds left, Ave different brands, bought to sell from soc to $1.25 a pound, quality unsur- passed by any tea in the market, at CHArELA1NE WRIST BAGS, val ue up to 95c, for big sale, each. .39c VIOLET TALCUM, value 15c box, few powders as good, none better, 1oc SASH PINS, value 1ec and 25c, your choice. e...... ........ .1oc SCISSORS for 25c pair worth 35c SILK ELASTIC for 25c yard Worth 40c.
 FRILLED ELASTIC 1ec yard worth 26e.
 PEARL BUTTONS Dc doz., worth 10 cents.
 HAIR ROLLS 1Oc ea., worth 15c FEATHERSTITCH BRAID Sc a bunch, worth 10c.
 TOILET AMMONIA 5c a bottle, worth Sc.
 cAscAR1L1A SOAP 15c a box, worth 25c.
 HOSE SUPPORTERS e5c a pair, worth soc.
 THREAD, 200 yard spoOls, 1c a spool, worth 9 1-2c.
 MENEN'S TALCUM. We will sell from 9 o'clock to 10 o'clock at 10c. box; limit 9 boxes to a customer.
 BAY RUM; one pint bottle, regular value 25c.; IT cents bottle.
 AROMATIC SMELLING SALTS, regular 25c. bottle, for 10 cents.
 DRESS SHIELDS, 1oc. pair, worth 1o cents.
 KINGS FASTING COTTON, 23c. dozen, worth 80 cents.
 ENGLISH NEEDLES, 1c. paper, worth cents.
 ADAMANTINE PINS, 1c,, worth 5 cents.
 PAT. HOOKS AND EYES, 9 1-2c. card, worth 5 cents.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-07-05

STATIONERY, 14c. per box, worth 25 cents.
 WRITING TABLETS, Sc per tablet, worth 12 cents.
 ENVELOPES, 5c. per pack, worth g cents.
 CUBE PINS, 5c. cube, worth Sc.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-07-05
Clown in Charge of Motley.


 It speaks poorly for the originality and khe intellectual resources of the Newport smart set that Harry Lehr can hold the sawdust year after year without having to defend his clownship against a single serious challange. We shall not try to go over the list of the various entertain ments that have sprung from his fertile brain--the baby parties. the dog dinners. the monkey matinees. etc.-for that would be to rewrite the modern history of the New York aristocracy. Enough to say that, after repeated successes in the same proud field. Harry Lehr crosses the threshold of another season and ushers In a new and, if possible, still more strik- Ing dispensation of degeneracy. This year he summons to his aid parrot. 1t Is green and garrulous. The highest elite authorities unite in testifying that for wit intelligence and repartee it deties the competition of the most highly born and carefully educated of the nobility It is quite as funny as Harry Lehr him Rals.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-07-05
UhBRRfAf

hundreds of umbrellas, but this lot which has just reached us in time for this sale leaps the climax" and you will say so when you see them. There are 215 umbrellas in the lot, both 26 and 2s inch size-about 50 different style handles. The umbrel- las are Elavantine Silk and Gloria with Surah twill covers and 20th century runners. The value is up to S3 each. Monday price, choice $1.49