The semi-weekly messenger. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1897-1908, 1903-06-02

ChOlly-'My uncle is very rich, and I
am his sole herr Edith-"No wonder
he hangs on to life so!'-Judge.
Miss Oldgirl-"I was proposed to
twice" Miss Cutting-"Did the fam
lilies interfere in both cases?'-ChIcago
Daily News.
That Frenchman who has discover
ed how to make oil from water is a
back number. The Standard Oh Com
pany began the watering process years
ago.-Baltimore World.
Henpeck-He's joined the great silent
army. Henrietta-When did he de-
Henpeck-He didn't die; he got mar
ried.-Detroit Free Press.
Railroad took off his leg Yes. and
so providential.' "Providential?"
rheumatism in it!'-Atlanta Constitu-
ton
Jones is a conscientious fellow"
| What makes YOU think 500" Il
watched him play solitaire for two
hours last night, and he never cheat
ed once.'-Brooklyn Life.
What is . trust?" asked the teach
er. "A trust" replied the newspaper
mans bo- lis a subject for an edi-
torial when there is nothing else to be
discussed."-Chicago Evening Post.
"Oh. yes. it was the first time they
had met, but they became real chum-
| my at once" rs that so?" Yes. they
discovered that they indorsed the same
breakfast food."-PhIladelphia Press.
Fred-The Flatiron Building ought to
inspire Edward Markham to writ a
companion piece to The Man with
the Hoe" Tedd-Why. what that?
Fred-"The Girl with the Hose."-The
New Yorker.
Paw" SAID little Tommy Figg, on
being scolded. Il heard Mr.. Watts say
that great mems sons never did any
good. I amt a great mans son, am
- Up to a late hour Mi. Figg's
mind had not found a sufficiently dip
lomatic Observation-Disclosures Sun
SIX hundred and ninety-fve immi-
grants We're denied admission to the
United States along the Canadian Dor
der alone. during the month of April.
Most of those excluded We're afflicted
with some form of contagious disease.
Exchange.
If the postmaster general had at
tended to business his department
might ave escaped its present gar
bage cart OdOr. but h expects a fed
eral o~fficeholder to do anything but
follow the example of his employer,
misunderstanding Reflector.
Referring to Mr.. Bryan's suggestion
of the chief justice of North Carolina
as a possible democratic candidate for
president, he Durham Herald says:
IF Judge Clarke should receive the
nomination he could carry North Car
DINA. and so could any other White
man.
a woman has been arrested in New
York for practicing medicine without a
14rcN ~ ~ 49,
man who was i'll: assured her she was
possessed of the devil, and sold her a
bunch of black hair for $500 to keep
out the evil spirit. The victim died.
Exchange.
Seedsman-"You know. ma'am. you
don't have to plant YOUR potatoes
whole you can cut them up in small
pieces" Mrs. Newmarket-~Yes. J
J know that might do very well if we
LyonnaiSe or for mashing: but we
should probably desire to have pota-
| toes served whole. now and hem
| Boston Transcript.
1t is impossible for Cleveland to get
the nomination, and if he could get it
ne couldn't be elected.-Norfolk Coun-
~ Democrat. Then let him fish in
peace. Why KEEP worrying him.
| Times-Dispatch. Our Richmond con-
IViilDol al lllISIll pIoIilcblS ldhe SOIlle
of its own advice on this pOInt.-NOr-
folk County Democrat. PerhaDS We are
! not so cOcksure of the imnossibilities
the esteemed Democrat hin it sees.
-Times-Dispatch.
Il don't know what were goIn' to
do about them two leadin' citizens"
said Bronco Bob. They're loOkin' fur
n another with six shooters from
mornin' till night Has an insult
passed." NO it wasn't any insult;
but some doubt ariz as to which was
the oldest inhabitant IN they're both
determined to settle the question fur
good an all.'-Washington Star
Papa" said the distinguished
s~tatesman's petted daughter, you
| have never told me anything about the
house in which you were born" NC.
my child he replied, with a grOan
I have not. I could not bear to de-
strOy the fond illusion that your FAITH
| er is a great man. I am not q great
man. my dear. | am an ImpOstor. 7
was not born in a log cabin. but in a
three-story brick with stone trim
nfngS.' And he turned away IN an
| guish.-ChicagO Tribune.