Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1903-03-14

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Things do not invariably happen for
~tuitously, even where religion is con-
cerned, notes the Philadelphia Times in
Its Tales Worth Telling" From Ton
AMANDA, Pa, comes the story Of q very
fervid revival meeting in an upstate
Methodist church. Worship there was
promitive and simple; the emotions
were given under unrestrained express
sion. An old backslider had been NOV
ing uneasily under the eXhortation Of
the various lusty-lunged speakers,
groaned once or twice as though in
soul agony, and finally arose and adj
dressed the assemblage thus Broth
ers! Sisters! Do something for me-! I
feel that j am going straight to hell"
Glory! Giory!" came from all over
the church. Help me, brothers and
sisters" went on the ~repentant one.
Il know I'm or the road to damna-
toni" The congregation seemed to
think hat song was the one thing
needful, n spiritedly Joined in when
a sturdy backwoods basso tunefully
roared out the opening lines of the
stirring old hymn:
If you get there before / do,
Just tell them that I'm coming too!
A well-known undertaken of Phil
adelphia, who is always busy, was
called upon the other day to prepare a
body for burial. Having another job on
hand, he ordered a colored assistant
he had recently engaged to prepare the
body for inteTment.
About three or four days after the
funeral, the undertaken was surprised
when his assistant said:
Say, boss, what for do dey put a sill
yer dollah in dat dead mans hand?"
why, don't you know, Rastus? That
is to pay the dead mans ferriage across
the River Jordan" the boss returned.
On hearing this, the colored la be-
gan to look serious. and said:
5 daris no bridge across dat river,
boss?"
No; why do you ask"
We'll, dat fellah'E babe to swim
across de Jordan, for I lone gone and
pinched dat dare dollah."
3
A worthy man, VITO was very sensi-
tive and retiring, having lost his wife,
privately requested that he might be re-
membered in the minister's morning
prayer from the pulpit, but asked that
his name might not be mentioned.
On Sunday morning the good minis
ter prayed most e~loquently for "our
aged brother, upon whom the heavy
hand OF sore afliction has so lately fall
len."
At this point an elderly man, whom
the minister had married to a very
young wife during the week, rose with
a bounce and stamped down the asile,
mutterinS loud enough to be heard all
over the chapel:
1T may be ar afliction, but I'm
blessed If 1 want to be prayed for in
that fashion,"
An old lady who sat beside Senator
Depew In an f street car asked him
how to get to the White house. The
senator told her. She leaned far over
and said:
Il beg your pardon, but will you
kindly speak a little louder. 1 am very
deaf"
The senator spoke louder. Then the
old lady began to tell him how much
an afniction her deafness was.
Have o ever tried electricity %
the senator asked.
We'll" she said, II was struck by
lightning last summer, but 1t didn't do
me any good"
Senator Burton couldn't sleep the
other night and got up at 5 o'clock.
After a cup of coffee he decided to go
to his committee room and write some
letters. He arrived at the Maltby
building at 7 o'clock. His room ad-
joins that Of Senator Pettus, who is 81
years Old. Burton was surprised TO see
Pettus hard at work, sleeves rolled up,
chewing tobacco and grinding out let
ters.
why, SENATOR" said Burton, isn't
this early for q man as old as you are
to be at work."
mot at all, subj" said Senator Pet
tus. Il rise every morning at 5 o'clock,
having retired at a seasonable hour,
and l am always at work at Z. The
secret of living long Is to work. 1 am
81 and happy and healthy as a boy.
notice tina all of my neighbors who
got rich n retired are ali dead.
never got rich and / never retired.
tell you, young man, the most fatal
disease | know Of is to quit work and
retire. 1t kills every time. Keep work
ing and you'll keep alive"
Horace Porter once told in an after
noon speech Of a young American
woman who returned to New York, her
native city, after several years spent
among some we'll connected and high
toned relatives in England. She came
back with a we'll developed pose of dis
like for everything and everybody
American, and talked necessarily OF
the superior natural and social adyan-
tages of England as a place of resi-
dence. A phlegmatic old school Amer
ican gentleman was introduced to her,
and was greeted with: isn't every
thing ~dreadfully common here in Amer
lea as compared with England? 2" well,
l can say that" he replied respect
fully. "Oh, dear, yes!" she insisted.
While there L stopped at the most
beautiful country house OF q member
of the nobility. On the grounds was a
miniature lake, inclosed with a pretty
rustic wall and the spot was called
The Earps Oath in sentimental MEM
DRY Of an old low affair. Surely there
is nothing so romantic here in New
York as The Earl's OATH" Oh, yes.
indeed, there is replied the old man;
there's McComb's Damn"
Secretary Moody has received this
hair-splitting epistle from a resident of
Kentucky:
ITO the Hon. Secretly of the Navey: