davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1903-08-18

complete his collection. or course this
was very wrong in the nephew, but it
had one good. result. He was SO pleased
with his acuteness that he told the story
In his club, where an American named
William Gillette heard it and wrote play
about tia rafting good play it made too
showing how the young nephew de-
ceived his old uncle into believing him a
sad dog. when he wasn't a sad dog at ALL
and how he won the feautiful princess for
his Wife and all that sort Of thing
The American called his play "The
Private Secretary" and it made a great
success and much money into, the bargain,
thus exemplifying the commercial spirit
OF the stage. However, the play was
worth 1t as any Of you can see by going
to the Lyceum this week where 1t has
been revived by the Ferris company.
Carl Smith Seerle is the nephew. A.
Byron Ieasley, the old gentleman, Grace
haywood. the beautiful princess and
Joseph Totten the secretary whom the
old gentleman mistook for his nephew,
but who really wasn't related to him at
all The play is well done, much better
done than anything the Ferris company has
given us since Captain Swift If YOU
enjoy fads-and more than likely you've
got one or two of your own-go to see it.,
j, S. Lawrence
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1903-08-18
Wheat Going to Montreal.

While New Workers are still debating
over the form Improvement Of the Erie
canal shall take, or whether there shall
be any improvement, that city is being
injured. as an export point by the COM
bined assaults of it's southern and Cana
dian rivals. New Orleans is now the
greatest grain shipping port on the CONT
nent, and Montreal's business is grow
ing very rapidly. While the growth of
New Orleans as an export port may not
be greatly Influenced by river traffic, that
growth viii be greatly promoted thereby
in the future, and Montreals expansion
is due almost entirely to Its location at
the point where great lakes transports
ton meets that Of the Atlantic ocean dur
ing the summer months.
This summer the expansion of Mont
reals shipping business has had a very
pronounced effect on that Of the American
Atlantic seaboard Cities The New York
Financier, in discussing the reasons for
the decrease in the exports of breadstuffs,
says:
In addition to the comparatively high
prices for wheat and for corn at the west
ern distributing points, due to specula-
tive manipulation, which checked foreign
buying of American, grain until the cur
rent month, there was a free movement
Of wheat from Canada via the lakes and
the ST. Lawrence and over the Canadian
Pacific to the export point at Montreal,
and this grain actively competed with. our
own to the disadvantage of our land trans
portationl lines and of the ocean routes
from Atlantic ports. Notwithstanding the
fact that oversee freight rates have been
even lower this season than they were
last year, when they ruled almost at the
minimum on record, the larger steamers
have almost invariably sailed from At
lantic ports with light wheat cargoes, and
not until the beginning Of the current
month has there been any improvement
in this respect
Until the Erie canal is modernized in
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1903-08-18
The West on Easy Street.

How little the west has been affected by
the rich mans panic in Wall street is re-
vealed by the information elected by the
inquiries of the Commercial National bank
Of Chicago of it's exchanges turnout the
south and west. Aside from questions as
to the> crops the banks were asked
number Of questions regarding their local
business and financial conditions, the po-,
sition Of the banks in regard to loans
and reserves, and touching also on their
ability to finance the crops in their respec-
tive localities.
Thirteen hundred and forty replies were
received, and the interior banks reported
almost without exception that they are in
better position than last year and that
not so much discount accommodations will
be required, and probably not so much
currency to move the crops. "a consid-
cradle number report increases in de-
posts since the last published statement;
while banks reporting decreased deposits
are scattered, and usually special local
causes are given for such decreases. In
no instance has a falling off in deposits
been assigned to generally bad business
conditions
So far as appears on the surface the
northwestern banks are having no great
difficulty in moving the crops. It is true
that their attention is concentrated on
that task at present, and that loans for
facilitating the movement of the crops
have preference over all others, but that
Is only in line with wise policy Of doing
the greatest good to the greatest number
If money is hard to get for some pur-
poses it is not because the banks are
afraid to let go Of 1t, but because they
are putting out most of their funds in
crop loans Of one kind and another
Yesterday stuyvesant Fish, president
of the Illinois Central, remarked:
MANY eastern people have little con-
ception of the great growth and progress
of the west. The furry in the stock mar
ket does not affect things out our way
Now, there is no boasting about that, no
whistling to keep up courage It is a
| simple statement Of fact. The west is as
prosperous now as at any time in the
| last five years, and Wall streets troubles
have not been ours.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1903-08-18

Il want my hair cut and no back talk. J"
said self important man as he walked
into barber shop and sat down in the
chair.
The commenced the man in the
apron.
mo talk, I tell YOU shouted the heavy
man. "Just a plain hair cut. I've read
the papers and don't want any news. Start
right away, now.
The man in the apron obeyed.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1903-08-18
AT THE THEATERS
Lyceum-"The Private Secretary,

. ~. - = q.
Once upon a time, in the far-away
country Of India there dwelt q man with
a fad, or perhaps should say two fads,
Which Is much worse. Now a fad is a pc
culiar. thing. It is a highly Interesting
thing to the man who possesses it and
most annoying, thing to the mans wife.
while to his neighbors it is a source. of
much amusement and to his friends fire.
quently matter of no slight concern
AS have told you, this old East Indian
gentleman, not content with one fad, had
two, and most unreasonable fads they
were, into the bargain, can assure YOU
whenever his cosmos got out Of order
the old gentleman laid the blame upon
his liver, and whenever anyone else be-
came crochety or looked peaked or
couldn't sleep nights he never thought of
questioning their consciences but just
said, liver and let it go at that, for
that was one Of his fads
And the other fad was even more whim-
steal. 1t was the wild-oats fad, for this
old gentleman believed that every boy
shouldsoW as many wild-oats as he wished
and should reap them too, which is a most
:reprehensible thing, as all the Sunday
school books agree. OF course it wouldn't
have made so much difference what he
believed If he had been content to keep
his beliefs to himself, but he wasn't No
man with a fad is, even when it is so
because they are old; or FASTING silly pos
.tage stamps into a big book, or doing any
one OF the thousand and one foolish things
that fadomaniacs are always doing-and
talking about which is more to the point
Now you can readily see that when this
old gentleman was not annoying he must
have been vastly amusing and you are
quite right, can assure you. One day he
packed his luggage and set out for Eng
land and he took both his fadS with him:
you may be sure Of that. When he ar
rived in London he didn't visit the tower
or Nine. Tassaud's as you or I might
have done, but he hunted up the rooms
Of nephew of his to see II he could find
any wild oats specimens to add to- his col
lection. But he didn't find any, which dis
appointed him greatly. as he had come a
long ways just to re-stock his wild oats
herbariurn Il
His nephew. however, was an ingenious
chap, as Englishment go, and so he con-
trived to befool the old gentleman with
some common tame oats, which he palmed
off upon him as brand new variety of
wild oats and just what he needed to
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1903-08-18
Alaska boundary disn,,te

! The Alaska boundary dispute with
Canada may hardly be settled when a
Hudson's Bay dispute may loom up. The
Canadians have made: up their minds that
this great bay is a mare clausum, an en-
closed sea, over which their sovereignty
is as complete as over Lake Winnipeg.
Heretofore the bay has been used onlv
by Hudson's Bay company boats and
American whalers. The Canadian govern
ment is sending out an expedition osten-
sibly to explore the bay and determine
its availability as commercial route, but
also to take formal possession Of certain
islands and get the data for establishing
the claim that the bay is a, national in
stead Of an international body, OF, water.
The American whalers will probably be
warned, and perhaps, compelled by this
expedition to leave the bay. The oues-
ton Of International law then raised will
be nice one, and, as the fisheries of
the bay are valuable and untouched, one
well worth arguing. s.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1903-08-18
The Minneapolis Telegram:

The Norpareil Man in T h ] o ur n a
relates how he used to patronize the old
w. c.. T. U. cafe in that little white house
that, was located on the present site of
the Swedish-American National bank, in
the middle eighties. His simple tale awak
ems many old memories within us and
recolections Of many thing within us
had from that little dwelling with the bay
windows. We remember the little bowls
of highly moral oatmeal and milk for
cents, and the three little brown batter
cakes for cents We do not know exact
ly whether those little brown battercakes
were highly moral" or not, for we have
since felt they were ringer for the little
brown Filipinos-they staxted an insurrec-
ton Sin our midst" every time we came
in contact with them. Our roommate.
Bob Park, an old Journal reporter, was
just like the anti-expansionists of couple
Of years ago. He always claimed the
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1903-08-18
A WARNING TO ALL STATESMEN

Walt Mason, in Nebraska State Journal.
1t is doubtful whether any man ever
queered himself so completely by writing
poetry as the late John M. Thurston.
That gentleman occupied a digniied posi-
ton and seemed to have great future
until he took his pen in hand and set
down on parchment what he said to the
rose, and what the rose said to him. The
poem wasn't so atrociously bad, altho
stopping over with sickly sort of senti-
ment, but it seemed to stir up the whole
country to mirth Every newspaper
writer tried his hand at parody on 1t,
and in less than week from the time
the original was published, the press Of
the United States was reeking with
Thurstonesque poetry. Even the buns in
the jails scratched rhymes on the walls,
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1903-08-18
Separation Desirable.


To the Editor Of The Journal:
A war between Norway and Sweden seems to
be an impossiblity because their king, who is
supposed to be the chief commander of both
forces on land and seu, would then find himself
in such a mixed up. business that war would en-
tirely be out Of consideration Queen Margaret
made an attempt to melt the three nations to-
gcther but didn't succeed. Propositions have been
made later on in that line, without any result.
On account Of their character concretton cannot
he accomplished according to the present condt-
ton there. The best they can do will be to sep
arate The union is unhealthy that 1t has
begun to purify the atmosphere even of this
continent That alone is good excuse to have
it destroyed. The ,Swcdes must thrive on 1t,
however, because they are so eager to maintain
it. but it Is only nuisance to the sNorwegians,
hence their desire to get out of it. union
like that ought. not to exist.
1t is my opinion that Finland, Poland, Hun.
gary, Bohemia Ireland and Norway ought to be
released. They. have been under guardianship
long enough. 1t is about time that they should
be free We all know that nothing would be
more welcome to the Inhabitants Of these states
than the gain of their liberty and the restora-
ton Of their governments.
- = 80 s Z. A Lover Of Justice.
tNor+hAeld Mimi 50
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1903-08-18

Mr. Muchmonn, his wife and three
daughters were staying at the Mostex-
Pensive Hotel, in the Adirondacks. AS a
means Of entertaining the guests, the
manager Of the hotel engaged a lecturer,
who gave demonstration Of the latest re-
searches in scientific fields. After one Of
his lectures mamma and the girls were
telling papa all about 1t. He had not been
able to attend owing to an imperative de-
mand for his presence and advice and as
sistance in opening series Of jackpots in
a little room on the third floor.
1T was just lovely, papa!" said the
youngest daughter.
q 80 educational, tool" averred the sec
:ond daughter.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1903-08-18
THOSE LITTLE, BRO WIN BATERCAKEs

! = = -
trouble was not with the little brown Bat
tercakes, but thatsthe fault lay entirely
with us-that the methods that ruled in
our own interior were not suited to little
brown battercakes.
That little w. G. T. u. cafe was a great
resort for what we would nowadays call
"cranks.'' Temperance cranks, socialist
cranks, diet cranks without number-blue
glasses pale faces, poetic countenances-
all focked there. There was no. loud
clashing of either thoughts or dishes, how
ever. Everything ran on the God Bless
Our Home" plan-and they kept the hair
out of the butter in the interest of tenn
perate language. 80
We remember that little white house
very well-were there the first day it was
opened-had oatmeal and battercakes early
and often after that-conQuered the oat-
meal, but couldn't make our constitution
follow our flag as to those little brown
battercakes. tzsstssz....
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1903-08-18

The Minneapolis Journal for the first six months of the
year 1903, carried 818 columns, over Ct per cent
more Foreign Display Advertising than the Daily
Tribune.
The Minneapolis Journal for the first six months Of the
year 1903 carried 500 columns, 70 per cent more
Want Advertising than the Daily Tribune.
The Minneapolis Journal for the first six months of the
year 1903 carried 1868 columns Of Real Estate adver
Using while the Daily Tribune carried none.
The Minneapolis Journal for the first six months OF the
year 1903 published 1343 columns of advertising
than for the same period in 1902; while the Tribune
according it's statement published July 18TH gained
only 754 columns this year; the Journals excess gain
over the Tribune being $50 columns or 70 per cent
The Minneapolis Journal out of 1884 residences can
vassed, had 5,582 subscribers-the Evening Tribune
1,486-the Morning Tribune 1885,
The Minneapolis Journal in 80 apartment and flat build
ings canvassed had 1910 subscribers the Evening
Tribune 2O3, and the Morning Tribune 1873.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1903-08-18

thru sleeping car service, 1t is said,
! is about to be established from Chicago
to the north Pacific coast via the Burling
/ ton and Northern Pacific and Great
Northern. Such service has long been in
existence by the southern routes. It is
rather strange that 1t has been delayed
so long on the northern lines. 1t is a
matter Of wonder in some quarters that
thru trains are not run from New York
\ to San francisco. Tha Canadian Pacific
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1903-08-18
An Important Meeting.

The summer meeting Of the American
Forestry association at the Commercial
club rooms Aug. IS and 26 will be most
that kind go, the attendance will be large
and thoroly representative The conven-
ton was called to gather in Minneapolis
largely on account Of the fact that the
Morris law gives Minnesota a national
forest reserve with an area exceeding
225,ooo acres. This is the only national
reserve east Of the Black Hills and in
wolves problems, experiments and lessons
that are not associated with any other
reserve.
Most Of the papers to be presented at
the meeting will be of strong interest to
the people of Minnesota and Wisconsin,
and two of them are likely, on account of
the great interest, in the Morris law and
the opening of the Leech Lake reserva-
tions to lumbermen and to settlers to have
a special claim on the attention. OF In
telligent and philosophical observers Of
current, events. These are the papers by
Eugene l.. Bruce, lunlberman Of the.
bureau of forestry, on Work and Policy
of the Forestry Bureau on the Minnesota
Reserve and '"The Effect of the Chip
pewa Forest Reserve on the Locality"
Mr.. Bruce is to have charge on the part
of the forestry bureau of all numbering
under the Morris law on the lands re-
served for the forest reserve and this
paper will be the first public announce
ment Of the policy the bureau purposes
to follow. 1t will intimately interest all
northern Minnesota, for numbering on for
estry lines is something new in. this part
of the country, and lumbermen will be
curious to know what will be expected Of
them. The people living near the reserve
will also be concerned as to the policy
that Is to govern in its administration.
Mr.. Chapman's paper will not be less
interesting or important. He issin charge
of the state experiment farm at Grand
Rapids, In Itasca county, and has been do
ing splendid work there in showing what
can and cannot be done agriculturally in
the Minnesota timber country. The per-
sons, towns and interests impinging upon
the forest reserve are more or. less inn
bued with the idea that the reservation is
inimeal to them, chiefly because they fear
that it will deprive them of the benefits
that would arise from the, settlementsaof
the reserved lands. tMr. 3Chapman's long
experience enables him to: know whether
the reserved lands are or'are not of agri-
cultural value.
Other papers that will have special
state or local value are those. by r. B.
Walker and B. F. Nelson on "Our Past
and Future Forest Policy and "a Lum-
Germans Idea of Reforestation,'' re-
spectively; also Professor c. W. Halls
'Geogra phical Features Of Water Control
in the Upper Mississippi Valley" ''For-
estry Courses in Agricultural Colleges
by Professor s.. B. Green Of the Mime
sofa school of agriculture; and estate
Parks and. Their Relation to Forestry,
by Attorney General w. B. Douglas. .grsis.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1903-08-18
LECTURES FOR REEcHER ME-.
MORTAL, e.

Finding that all resources for raising
the s100OOONnecessary for the erection Of
the Beacher memorial have been ex-
hausted at the 100000 mark, Rev DR..
Newell Dwight Hills, who at present oe-
cupies the historic Beecher pulpit, will
make a lecture tour of the large cities
to make up the deficit
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1903-08-18

A Chicago man who was in the act of
committing suicide by drowning came
ashore when reminded that his procedure
was contrary to law, rather than be shot
at by a policeman for violating the law
had not expected such fastidiousness in
Chicago f..
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1903-08-18

beginning: IT said to the cop. cop, fat
cop etc. The children at school threw
parodies at, each other, and the senator
from Nebraska blushed from his ears
down, and wished he had taken rough
on rats before yielding to the divine
afflatus. He woke, like Byron, to find
himself famous, but it was a different
sort Of fame; a little Of it would go long
way. And so that unfortunate poem has
made him national joke. People have
forgotten all about the brilliant and use
full things he has done; they have forgot
ten how he rose from poverty and OBJ
security to a high place, by the force Of
his own ability; they only remember him
as the author Of a silly rhyme, and when
any mishap occurs. they start a new wave
of parodies on the rose, sweet rose.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1903-08-18

some way, Montreal will continue to inn
prove Its position as an export point, not
only for Canadian grain. but also for
American grain. A large fleet Of vessels
will soon be running between that port
and Quebec and Duluth, and vessels are
being put on this route that can carry
10000 bushels Of grain. The Canadian
government has helped this tendency along
by abolishing canal tolls. OF course, Mont
real will always be handicapped because
1t Is ice-locked for five months in the
year, but the handicap will not interfere
greatly with Its trade in such bulky COM
modities as wheat.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1903-08-18
HE HAD TO RADIATE MONEY

dye. ---------
And so helpful to the mind!'' chimed In
the eldest daughter.
What did he tell about?" asked papa,
who was not in a happy mood, having On
different occasions overestimated the pos.
sibilities of the draw; also underestimate
his opponents hands.
about radium,' explained mamma.
"What is radium? Some new dress
goods, or breakfast food?
mo; it's new substance which con-
stantly gives off parts Of itself, and still
never diminishes in size or quantity
Huh! That fellow must have been try
ing to tell you women what your idea of
my pocketbook is
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1903-08-18

Lichville, N. D., has a new artesian we'll
that throws about million feet of drink
minute. When the we'll was being muz-
zled the foreman had turned the water
into the east pipe, while screwing a con-
necton so as to carry the water west into
the overflow. The pipe was on the ground
with elbow pointing upwards, size two
inch. They say 1t was Ernie Malrnberg
who stepped upon the elbow when the
entire stream was turned into that pipe.
The stream shot into that two-inch elbow
up the mans pants leg and out his shirt
collar 200 gallons a n1inte. The force was
enough to take him off his feet. He sput-
tered, spit, choked, blinked, swung his
arms and finally said -
And right here the Lichville Bulletin
put Its fingers in it's ears and refused to
hear what Ernie said. The Bulletin says,
however, that you can probably guess
what he said if you can imagine 200 gal
Ions of water rushing up your pants every
minute and gushing out of your collar
like the fountain at the worlds fair, It
was SO darn funny that Lew Bordwell is
said to have sat right down in four feet
of water to laugh some"
After Ernie had been put thru the ringer
and hung out on the line while. he be-
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1903-08-18

runs thru trains from Montreal to Van
couver. The railway managers probably
figure that, as a rule. the travelling public
would rather break the transcontinental
journey once or twice than stay on the
same train for five days.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1903-08-18

w. IN. 1utHTle III luIe
Is laughter immoral? That is very
important objection urged against comedy
from generation to generation. 1t is not
only not immoral, but it is the preserva-
ton Of morals to cultivate by use a fac
ulty for all sorts of laughter. It is the
hallucination Of prevalent evil which
drives men to despair. Now, evil always
seems to be prevalent when you scrutinize
it. for scrutiny involves confined attention
to what lies Immediately under the lens in
the focused light. Being wherever we