The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1903-05-20
HUMOROUS.>

Hoax-He seems TO think he is al
ways in the right. Joax-Well, that's
where he gets left.
Teacher-Can you tell where the
Mississippi river rises, Johnny? John
nie-Along its entire length, maam.
Mr.. Buggins-Who tore the fly leaf
out of this book? George Washing
ton Bugglns-Father, cannot tell a
lie. | took it for my little kite.
Wife-If I we're TO die, Phil, what
would you do? Phil--I'd be most era
zy. Wife-Would you marry again?
Phil-No; wouldn't be that crazy.
Nell stopped in at bargain sale
today. Belle-Did you see anything
that looked real cheap? Nell-Yes:
several men waiting for their w.ysa.
"My dear sir" said his physician,
"you have constitution like hard
ened STEEL" "Are you sure there are
no blow-holes in it, doctor?" anxiously
asked the caller.
Nell-Jack and Maude used to be
such good friends, and now they
scarcely speak. Belle-Why, what's
the matter? Nell-IIaven't you heard?
They're married.
YES" concluded the medical racon-
teur, "she became insane through ex-
cessive dancing" "One might say she
was hopping mad. suppose" gurgled
the Cheerful Idiot.
Mrs. Uppson-Your grandfather Is
an octogenarlan, is he not? Mrs. Neu-
rich-Indeed, he isn't anything of tho
sort. He is the most truthful man
ever bumped up against.
"You don't seem to be at all ner-
vous about going to ask papa for me-"
she said. "Oh, no." he replied. I've
had experience both as a book agent
and life insurance solicitor. Thisll be
easy"
Miss Passay-That wealthy Mr..
Hunter was pleased to say that l in
terested him. Miss Sharpe-The idea!
How rude of him. Miss Passay-Rude? :?
Miss Sharpe-Yes; he's a collector of
antiques.
Wigwag-I suppose you were up
bright and early this morning? Guz-
zler-No, sir; I'm never up bright and
early. If I'm up early I'm not bright.
and If want to get up bright can't
get up early.
Sadie was IL and Alice was Z. At
lunch said Alice: Il wonder what part
of an animal chop is. Is 1t leg?"
"Of course not" answered Sadie; Its
the jawbone. Haven't you ever heard
of animals licking their chops?'
WELL" said the anecdotist, taking
a fresh start, ito make a long story
short" IT'S a sacrifice we can hard
| ly expect of the raconteur," interrupts
| ed the man who apparently never at
tempts to make friends by his affa-
bility.
81 don't believe that man ever de-
coived anybody in his life" said the
enthusiastic friend. "And yet" said
Senator Sorghum, "you want me to
give him employment. You don't sup
pose have time to teach him the rudi-
ments of the business, do you?"
! Nurse was reading nature stories Of
| the chickens, ducks and geese. John-
ny, tell me what's a gander?" asked
she, with a smile of peace. Little
Johnny looked up quickly, all his fan
cy turning loose as he answered, smil-
ing proudly. IT'S the rooster of the
goose"
At the request of the confirmed dys-
peptic the operator was taking an X
ray photograph of the seat of his
trouble. "This, suppose" remarked
the sufferer, with CHASTITY attempt to
be facetious, "is what might be called
taking light exercise on an empty
stomach"
Consumer-See here! My family
was out of town all last month except
three days. and yet my gas bill is
higher than for the month before!
Clerk (severely)-Well, sir, do you
suppose We can keeptracko of the COM
ings and goings of all our customers?
This Office doesn't run a society de-
partment.