Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1903-11-25
About Sun Spots.

The papers of late have been so
full of dissertations. on SUN spots that
the public appetite is all worked up
for them. have decided to order q
carload to give out as premiums.
The most recent article on the black
spots now visible on the sun is head
ed Sitting on the Sun" and details
the conclusions of a coterie Of astrOn-
omers who have been sitting on the
orb of day like a coroner's jury sits
on corpse One Of the astronomers
is named Burnham which is certain
ly very appropriate under the cir
cumStances. Over in Indians. is q
man by name of Young who says
all the other astronomers are off
their nests and lost in the hay and
that he is the only man who has
ever seen the real sunspots. The
other fellows have merely seen the
dirt on their own eyelashes. Young
says the sun has large tracts OF
land as good as any In Canada-only
trife warmer-that are inhabited.
He says they are somewhat more
ethereal than we are and the chief
industries are the manufacture of
ice and asbestos fans. A man in
this city has started a real estate
office and will run an excursion to
the new country next Tuesday.
Whether Young is correct in his
theories or not we are unable to
say as our office telescope fell off
the coalhouse last week and broke
in two but the spots are there.
Sunspots were first discovered by
Gallileo the great Greek philoso-
pher who also discovered that the
world turns round on it's axis. For
these discoveries the ancients
punched Gallileo's eyes out and led
him about with a string and exhib-
tied him as a freak. After every
body had seen him they told him to
take it back or go to Jail and Gal
lileo wouldn't SO they socked him
into durance vile. AS they closed
the doors Gallileo shouted through
the grating that famous remark of
his: ''She moves She moves. See
her go! Earn her! See her gol"
The police told HIM he would go to
if he didn't shut up using such
language but he said he didn't care
a cuss as he had round trip ticket
anyhow. But while sunspots have
always been known they are larger
at present than heretofore and
scientists are advancing all sorts of
theories One says old Sol is mere
ly ejecting a little gas through the
enveloping atmosphere Of his abode
like a man who has created fog of
tobacco smoke around him might
spit hole in the smoke. He says
it is the holes in the suns atmos-
phere that we see. Another says
a volcano has got loose in the suns
interior and has bursted it's crust.
Another says-as near as can fig
ure out from the technical phrase
ology- that Old Sol has swallowed
the aurora boreal1s and can't digest
it and that in rolling around his
orbit with the stomachache has
disarranged his corona. My own
theory is that someone has hit Old
Sol in the face with a chew of to-
bacco by wireless telegraphy
1t is really remarkable how many
theories two alike-are pro-
mulgated nowadays in regard to
the past, present and future Of the
universe. Men have all sorts OF
ideas as to where the sun came
from, what it's hot about, where it's
going, how much it would take to
freeze it, and how long it's going to
last. They tell us the moon is only
a grease spot on the sky where a
world went to smash, that it has
control of our ocean tides, and
that it may combine with planets
and stars and run the price of
moonshine up to four dollars a jug,
most any day or do something else
equally ridiculous. ZadkiePs al
manac says the influence Of the
stars will cause a wilderness of woe
to humanity including startling
Quotations ON the stock exchange,
followed by fire, revolutions, rail-
road disasters, religious disputes,
anarchy, earthquakes and other
calamities too numerous to mention
which leads us to the conclusion
that any star caught tampering
with the hog market or ditching a
train should be taken out and shot.
A few years ago the scientists
predicted a shower of stars but
though I sat on the Office roof for
three nights in succession and held
out my hat l didn't catch a solitary
star. 1t has always been my luck
however to miss good thing and
the shower will probably come some
night when | am away-for the
astronomers say their calculations
may be off few years more or less.
They claim that about once in
every generation the earth in it's