The Savannah morning news. (Savannah, Ga.) 1900-current, 1903-01-25
ON WINNING FRIENDS.
popularity Defined by Rule and
Line.

A school girl writes to me complain
ing that she is not popular, says Dor
othy Dix in the New Orleans Picayune,
and asking for some magic whereby
she may win the affection of her
mates. 81 have no difficulty in making
friends" she says. "but I cannot keep
them. Girls seem to like me at first.
but in a little time 1 have the pain
and modification of seeing regard turn
into Indifference, then into GOODNESS
and neglect, and realize that another
friendship has slipped from my grasp.
What shall I do to make myself pom
u!ar?"
1t is. a hard question to answer, lit
tie sister To a degree kissing must
always go by favor, and there will be
certain women who, by no conscious
effort, draw all hearts to them as ir-
resistlbly as sunflowers turn to the
sun. 1t is something-nothing- trick
of manner, or voice, or speech, or smile
that attracts us, but nonetheless they
go through a world where every eve
brightens at their approach and every
hand waves a welcome.
To have this power by nature is the
gift of the gods, but If it has been
denied you, there is comfort in the
thought that 1t can be acquired by art.
It is one of our mistakes to ALWAYS
speak of love as if it were an orchid
that grew only under tropical condi-
tons, amidst the jungles of passion
whereas, 1t is a thoroughly aeclimated
domestic plant that flourishes in any
kitchen garden, if properly cultivated.
It is always easier to win love than
1t is to keep ii. Anyone can charm for
an hour or day. but the real test of
ones attractiveness and likeability
comes when affection must stand the
wear and tear of everyday use, and
the establishment of close compan-
ionshtp. This is the reason that so
many people whom we like at first
fail to wear well, and why, year by
year, we find ourselves with a con-
stantly narrowing circle of those in
whom we take any real heart interest.
1t is one of the tragedies of life that
we start out in youth with an army of
friends, but one by one they drop
away, until we are fortunate when we
come to the last stage of the journey
to find one faithful hand still clasping
4ours, and one single comrade, of all
who started out so loyalty with us,
still keeping step with us.
This is pathetic. but it is also self
preservation. With intelligent people
Friendship becomes a process of elm
!nation, and as we go along we rid
ourselves Of the unfit, just as we throw
away garment when it begins to
chAfe ard bind
II Is hard saying, but worthy of
LEI! acceptance, that those who have no
Friends do not deserve them. We all
like to think, when we are neglected
thot II is because we are not under
stocd, and we console ourselves by re-
|fecdng what a good thing people are
missing when they miss us, but the
heleTnIi truth is that our fellow-crea-
lures generally appraise us at our real
Face value, and we get all to which
I'VE are entitled.
It Ia, therefore, up to you, little sis
ter II you cannot keep the love you
win. to resolve yourself into. an in
|vestigating committee and ascertain
what it is in your own nature that
urives friends away. For be sure of
This, that all the world is hungering
and thirsting for love, and sympathy,
and comradeship, and everyone you
meet is waiting, trembling and eager,
TO see if you can give them the grip
and password. There are, however.
faults that are as antagonistic to
Friendship as an acid is to a sweet.
What is yours?
Are you egotistical? The reason there
Is so little friendship in the world is
because 1t has been talked to death.
Most peoples idea of a friend is one
Whom they are privileged to bore.
Some small remnant of decency pre-
vents them from affecting the chance
stra niger with whom they meet up with
IA monologue upon their personal af-
fairs, but they show no such mercy to
their friends. If they have trouble they
come and dump the whole burden of
them down upon their friends. If they
have success they hold their friends
as unwilling auditors while they blow
their own horns, and brag about what
wonders they are.
Now, friendship presupposes that an
other person is interested in your pri-
waite affairs, but it is a narrow mar
gin on which to trade, and most of us
are always overdrawing our account
We care to know that our friends are
we'll and prospecting, and we sympa-
thize with them in their troubles, but
we are self-centered creatures, and the
thing of genuine heart Importance to
|every one of us is what we are doing
ourselves. If you want to bore people,
talk about yourself. If you want to
fascinate them, listen while they talk
about themselves. This is the one rule
In the world to which there is no ex-
ception. You often hear people say
chat when they lost their money they
lost their friends. The real reason is
that they became such nuisances be-
wailing their loss of fortune that their
friends fled from them to avoid having
to listen over and over again to their
tale of woe. Talk about yourself lit
tie, little sister. 1t is your right to
take that much toll of friendship: but
Keep your troubles to yourself, brag
lightly, and never forget that while
other peoples interest in you is only
skin-deep, their absorption in them
selves goes to the marrow of the bone.