The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-03-15
IN R..DC)sO AK $. 5: IS !:
! Mr.. DSoJey on the Achievements Of Congress
Copyright, 1903. by Robert Howard Russell
BY r. p. dunno.

ri see." said Mr.. Hennessy, "that
congress has knocked off wurruk.'
1T has" said Mr.. Dooley, "or, to
| speak more accurately, tn house iv
| representatives has gone back to wur-
ruk. TIL sinit is still there with it's
feet UP on tn desk an its vinrable
nose burrid in its chest. It's been q
great session " congress. 1t viii
live long ia tn mifn'ry iv tn American
! people If they don't frget. Ivry time
L think iv 1t, it makes me proud I'm
| an almost native iv this country
where tn meanest citizen can go to
Wash nton an get his rights but no
body else can.
What has it done, says We? Well,
to begin with, 1t has smashed tn
thrusts-weil, almost smashed thin
| well, give thin good hearty pat, an
| nyhow. In tn beginnin' it looked as
though only halfway measures wud
be adopted. They was unimportant
bills TO take tn money away firm tn
thrusts, TO burn thin in lie, to muir
dher thin. to lock thin up fr life. But
! tn leaders iv congress demanded more
dhrastic measures. Me frind Sinitor
Aidrich, who riprisintS a constituency
| that's almost as big as my back yard,
was determined that no pains shud be
spared to bring tn thrusts to their
knees in fear or gratichood. 'Gintle
men, says he with q chokin' voice,
tn bills now up do not meet tn case.
They are We'll enough in their way,
but what IS tn use iv attackin tn
thrusts at their sthrong point which
is their money? They have gr-reat
| knots iv this, as I have observed,
haYin' lived in tn house with thin.
an tn best annywan can do is to pick
! off a little at q time he says. My
idee is to attack them at their weak
| est point. An what is their weak
point, gintlemen? 1t surely is their
| binivolence. I propose to assail thin
there. l do it with pain, Fl, as ye
know, howiver brutal me feelin' tord
thrusts may be as a pathrite, as a
citizen | have a rale affection Pr wan
iv thin. TIL bill I am goin'. to offer
in tn name " me frind Sinitor EIkins,
who is poundin' his ear in tn cloak
| room at this minyit. wrtngs me heart.
1 1t is an assault on all tfaf hold dear
| in life-an' don't, expict to sell till It's
| good deal dearer.' he says. But he
says, no wan iver knew Erasmus
Hatch Aldrich to fall to respond to
| tn call iv jooty howiver ad valoren,'
he says. My country calls me an
| lay aside ivry consideration an
| rush to tn bank he says. "Th' still
small voice iv jooty as 1t ticks off tn
figures on tn tape is liver in me ear
he says. am here to belt tn thrusts,'
| he says, an here I am. 1 move We,
sir, that we substichoot fr tn bill en-
titled a Bill to Murdher Thrusts this
here small but fragrant law entitled
"a Bill to Give Thin a. Hearty Hug"
Undher tn terms fv this bill, it will be
| Illegal fr a thrust to charge annywan
Fl its produck more thin It can get,
to pay back money to annywan, to
divide its profits with tn poor, to burn
down Its buildin's onless insured, to
4 advance wages, to build churches an
orphan asylumS, or to create a fund
fir tn missionaries in Chiny. If caught
In any iv these neefaryous inther-
prises amy officer iv a thrust will be
! lfble to a fine ~ four millyon dollars
1 or imprisonmint in loonytic asylum
| or both. AS I said, offer this bill with
1 a sad an achin' heart ne says. But
| I have done me jooty an with that I
| mus be contint. F'rgive TIN tears iv
| Spartan Father in-law an, boy, call
| up New York an get twinty-two,
twinty Broad he says.
" at else has congress done, says
ye? Veil, tn house iv representatives
has passed a bill irritatin' tn arid
| plains iv tn West, an bill to relieve
tn Ffiipinos ~ tn necessity iv' askin'
FIR relief. It has passed tn chewin'
! tobacco, tn flask, tn time iy day, tn