davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Savannah morning news., 1903-09-13
THE GENIAL IDIOT
He Discusses the Literary Patron and Makes
Some Observations
By JOHN KENDRICK BANGS.
copyright. 1gO8 by John Ruggell Davidson

by Jove, what a beastly shame"
muttered the Idiot as he sat on the
morning paper and began to attack
his oatmeal with vigor.
Whats the matter now?" asked
Mr. Brief, the lawyer. Somebody got
a Judgment against your"
NO" said the Idiot mot yet. I've
paid all my small debts and sent out
a large draft of promises to my big
creditors, so that for a time I'm free
from that possibility. But 1 see here
in this paper that another American
Dickens has given up literature, be-
cause he couldn't make living at 1t,
and taken a job as a motorman on
the Oshkosh Interurban Trolley Line.
That's the third in six months-a Da-
kota Milton quit poetry to go into the
laundry business last May, and in
March a second Addison down in Louis
lana foreswore the pen forever, to be-
come a stoker on a Mississippi steam
boat
These be evil days for literature, 1"
sighed the BiblionTaniac. There isn't
a first edition worth having being pub
lished anywhere, that 1 can find out. "
you're not quite accurate in that
statement, Mr.. Bibliomaniac-by the
way, can't we call you Mr.. Bib for
short after this? Bibliomaniac is a
terrible mouthful when one is trying
to eat and talk at the same time, -
said the Idiot.
Go ahead if it pleases you" replied
me at all if you don't want to. I'd
rather hear you eat than talk any
way-you eat such good things, and
| talk such"
"All right, Mr. Bib then be it," in
| terrupted the Idiot. You're not quite
accurate either in your statement that
! these be evil days for literature or in
your assertion that there isn't first
edition worth having published any
where. These are bully days for lit
| erature, but bad days for the literati,
and as for first editions, there never
! were such first editions as we have
now. Here's Mr.. Pillxington Poddles
writes a historical novel, and the first
| edition of S63, 002 copies goes off in a
night Mr. Waterbury Watkins Jones
| gets up a lovely new complication be-
| tween a Gibson Girl and hero nine
feet seven in his stocking feet. and
/ its first edition runs up 10 the 431 OF
! point before the ordinary SCHOOL, girl
| can get through the last chapter which
she reads first. SO 1t goes. A clever
woman writes a Mrs. Digs Of the
Iurnip Ratchs ana MIS- hlBbb Oh
! the Potato Patch, and a Mrs. Briggs OF
/ the Lettuce Patch and so on through
/ the whole vegetable garden, and the
mere announcement of these volumes
/ means a deluge OF books IN single edi-
/ tons. that makes the Johnstown flood
| look like a dew-drop. It's ali bully
/ good stun and n deserves It's popu-
/ lafity, but II Kills the little fellows.
There is some truth IN that" said
I Mr. Whitech0ker Take my little
novel as a case M point"
"Whnt2' cried the Idiot. Have you
written a novel;"
Yes" sald Mr. Whitechoker, mod.
ssily ia has $4,000 words and deals
with the spDstnal problems ~ TIE Dru'
The Savannah morning news., 1903-09-13

ids, but 1 canont get it published. al
though Gen. Wallace seems to have had
no trouble in finding a publisher for
Ben Hur' and Charles Kingsley was
not obliged TO hawk the manuscript
of 'Hypatia' through the streets of Lon
don. AS you say, there is no chance
for the little fellows nowadays, be-
cause all the big fellows have got the
reading public cornered.''
That's it," said the Idiot, land once
you get the reading public in a corner,
it's like carving calves foot jelly to
keep 'em there. It's long reading
public that knows no turning, and these
writing chaps keep them just long
enough on their product to have 'em
safely anchored"
"Well, if they know their business
and conduct it fairly and above board,
who's got any right to complaint" de-
manded Mr.. Brief. For my part, I'd
rather pick out a dozen good authors
that | know will give me good stuff,
than go gallivanting through a billion
pages of words by unknown writer's
in quest of an occasional golden ideal'
Nobody has a right to complain.
Nobody has complained" the Idiot an
swered. "Mr. Whitechoker has merely
advanced the proposition that it's hard
on the little fellows"
"Bosh!" said the lawyer. 1.-THE little
fellow has no sympathy from me- The
little fellow in any business goes to the
wall"
mo, he doesn't" said the Idiot lax
in your pardon for so fatty contra
dieting you. Just because there is one
J. Pierpont Morgan in the world, all
the little bankers don't have to stop
banking and take in laundry work in
order to put clothes on their children s
backs; because Mr.. Carnegie gives s, 64S
libraries a week to the United States
doesn't prevent me from presenting the
village in which l was born with a
bound copy of the Annual Report of the
Arizona Petrified Wood and Cattle
Company, of which I happen to be a
stockholder, and getting a resolution
of thanks for it out of the Common
Council; and I haven't observed that
the trousers trust has put the pants
maker out of business. But in litera-
ture the little fellow is simply smoth-
cred by those first editions which Mr..
Bib says don't exist"
"A good book will find its place"
said Mr.. Pedagogue sententiously.
Right" said the idiot. "On the top
shelf where the dust is thickest. unless
it is written by one Of the cracker
Jacks"
The survival Of the httest is an in
exorable law" observed the Biblio-
maniac.
'lneXorable is an UNIT word TO use
Ia the presence Of ladies and gentlemen
At this time OF the day" remonstra ted
the Idiot. Il submit 10 you. Mr. Bib.
that the Breakfast Table is no place
for such language. Nevertheless your
contention is correct. stnl
think however. that something should
be done for the others. and / should
rejoice 90 see the literary patron re-
viyed again az an institution Ia this
country. Mr. Vanderbilt pays "a chef
$4,000 a year 10 % his cooking for
| him. why should he not Keep 4 poet
and a novelist as Wei7 Mental Dsbu.
Jun is more 'mp0rtant iu the develop
msnt ~ character than pate de fole
The Savannah morning news., 1903-09-13

"There'd be an enormous overproduc-
tion," said Mr.. Brief. Mr.. Morgan
would be stuck, l am afraid"
Never" said the Idiot. Because
why? He'd shut down the unproductive
mills the minute he found they didn't
pay"
The Poet laughed.
Mills, eh?" he asked.
That's the word said the idiot
"A large number of writers nowadays
are merely grinding the grist of words
into unstable sentences. Mr.. Morgan
could afford to buy these fellows out,
pay EN- not to write for a period OF
years, and get EN- good job in some
other enterprise of his-make brakes
men of 'em, or bank clerks, or stokers
on his ocean steamers. That would
rest 'em up for a while take them out
of a rut, and give 'em a fresh start
when they took UP the pen again.
Il don't quite catch the value OF the
scheme said Mr.. Whitechocker.
well, say Mr.. Morgan controls
Americas $4,000 authors" observed the
Idiot. HE says to $4,000 of EN-, you
swear off ink until 1 send for you
to the other thousand he says, you It
on duty for a year. We shall need lot
the consumption of the reading puplic
for 1904 75J historical novels, lou Vol-
umes of short stories, fifty detectives
stories, fifteen volumes of wild AM an.
mails We Rarely Meet, twenty-n nv,
psychological novels, fiVe racy VIZ va
umes on New York Society ana ".
vorce.' two books of essays, ana one
poe1n of any length. It's up to you
gentlemen to work 'em out, ana leIe
$4,000 a year for every one OF you you
Get busy Don't you see? By tnat oi5
act. $4,000 American Authors "oult
have a years vacation ana Ine LEV
would be a highly organized oooy Wa va
a. precise knowledge of what tney naG
to do, plenty of time to do II III S GU,
food galore while doing it, Win S;u NV
dollars to spare for Injuries Nlie"''
Most ingenious" said Mr.. BITE ,,o
And what do you suppose the pubic
would say to that" .be
sThank you, MIR. Morgan" sald tmr
idiot. "You have checked the lllsl% ao1
deluge that was drowning us in JAZZ
of letters" ,a,oore
"Tutt!" calculated Mr.. Peda ssS9rs
scornfully. DO you think the A''i''
| themselves would consent? 40
"Wen, as to the thousand salq Nv Nv
Idiot. II can't say. There are Illsnl'
few Authors, however, who WouIu IA
fuse an income of $4,000 a year. "a
as for the $4,000, if MIR. Morgan " .Sa,,
give them cents a word for an .t XXI
didn't write in a given year. -
| he'd get a working majority OF 'n laIite
With which the Idiot with d PG al
| bow to his landlady, paid her t"o u ,ast
| lars on account of his week peIole
bill. and sailed airily out of the rool ,,,e
what do you think of his scien'1'
Mr.. Poet?" asked the Bibllioma ll.itS q
II don't know" said the Poet, with q q
sigh. Considering the number o.
words in the language, two Gems -,
piece for letting 'em alone is msn''
fine pay
The Savannah morning news., 1903-09-13
By THOMAS @. CLAYTON.
Copyright, 1903, by E. B. Warner.

There" said the detective, whose
name is household property through
out the country. lis one of the 1nest
detectives alive to-day"
His companion followed the nod of
the speakers head, and found that it
led to a man making entries on the
hotel register.
What" spoke up the second man,
incredulously, that hotel clerk a fine
detective?"
That's exactly what l mean," was
the reply. "All hotel clerks are more
or less proficient detectives. because
it is an Interchangeable principle of
every reputable hotel in America that
every man who writes his name down
in it's register is a suspect until
he proves himself o. K. But this
man is the cream of them all.
And then there came out some OF
the clever pieces of detective work
that the clerk had done. the like of
which occurs in any big hotel with
something like the precision of clock
work. despite all the guards that a
hosiery employs to keep away all but
reputable and respectable guests.
A Piece of Wire That Convicted n
Thief.
The first story had to do with a
benevolent old man with the pious
look of a lifelong preacher and a long,
flowing white beard of the patriarchal
type.
hotel a half dozen times before he
came in on this particular occasion
and registered, and long since the eye
of suspicion had been withdrawn from
him. So when he asked for a room
he was assigned to one that commune
Gated with a regular boarder. and nc
more was thought of the matter.
That is, the clerk dismissed the
benevolent looking guest from his
mind until early the next morning
when the boarder came rushing up tC
the desk.
'I've been robbed during the night
of 5000 in cash. he exclaimed ex
citedly. 1T was in a pocketbook il
my trousers, which were on a chair
when / went to sleep. When l fell
for the pocketbook this morning wheI
! put on my trousers, which We're fold
ed as l had left them, it was gone"
The clerk FASTENED to the room witt
the bQarder. He looked at the from
door; It had not been tempered with
and no one could have got in through
the windows, for neither ledge no
fire escape ran by them. Then III,
clerk went TO the communicating doc
and tried it. 1t opened-and the key
to the certain knowledge of the clerk
had not been out OF the office To-
weeks
Instantly there flashed into tn
clerks mind the benevolent old gentle
man. But il couldn't have been tina
old preacher" he told himself.
Nevertheless he got down on hi
hands and knees and began loOkinj
carefully about the floor. For ifteei
minutes he carefully looked and ran
his HANDS over the carpet, then sud
denly he Strengthened up.
II Wes the fellow who slept IA INF
room last night" ho said, ~ he he'll
W piece Of wire bent eomethinl
IKE =, With one line added an th
bottom
TIE man whose money had booi
N Ntsssn ieoAs1 ~ astellshmepf,
The Savannah morning news., 1903-09-13
e NAN ONCE HUNTE0u

allure to-day higher by twenty-eight
degrees than that which exists now in
Grinnell Land.
They are not tropical plants. There
fore, tropical climate did not exist in
the Arctic regions in the tertiary epoch.
But the remains prove that since then
the climate must have undergone a
minimum change of twenty-eight de-
gress-a positively enormous altera-
ton.
And then there were found the re-
mains of tertiary forests of magnolias,
chestnuts, oaks and grapeVines in
Greenland under the SEVENTEEN parallel
of latitude. That is the kind of vege-
tation to be found now at MontrieX on
Lake Geneva.
These proofs complete the case.
It is possible that a tropically warm
ocean washed the North Pole in silu-
rian times.
1t is certain that a plant life that
was possibly tropical f1ourished there
in the coal or carboniferous period.
1t is absolutely certain that a climate
like the climate of the United States
and Europe to-day obtained there in
tertiary times, whose last chapter
probably was experienced by man.
And that changes the history of the
amman WOrlQ OIL the ROAR IeStolS Co-
tally for us
The Polar animals of to-day evident.
ly are recent" products of adaptation.
that developed under new conditions.
An altogether different form of crea-
ture may have preceded them.
We cannot imagine snow-colored Po-
lar bears and thickly furred musk oxen
under the green nlagnolias of tertiary
Greenland
Polar Menagerie.
Scientific speculation produces a
wonderful picture; it shows the Fran
laboriously drifting in the grasp of
vast ice fields until even Nansen' S
The Savannah morning news., 1903-09-13

heroism failed before the terrors .,
the Polar world; and we see anotbs,
period when in that same latitra,
wandering herds of elephants. caroo,-
and wild horses browsed on qroo.
meadows.
Or did that land hide species -
mammals of a kind quite differo,,
from any other known in the worId
species whose bones may be found
some day in Franz Joseph Land ~
similar place, by an expedition thar
will lay more weight on paleontoIogv
than on geographical exploration
The tremendous glaciers that slim
ped down over the world is the mvs.
FERROUS ice period must have desolated
the Arctic lands entirely. The beasts
that live there now, once lived in orr
Europe and our America. The con
tinents are full of the remains of musL
oxen, mammoths, reindeer, Jennings
and white hares.
1t remains possible that these crea-
lures originated in the North. The in
creasing, numbing cold may have
driven them southwark gradually Rn+
it is conceivable, too, that the cold ad
vanced too rapidly in the high Nortb
to permit the animals to go throueb
the SLOW process of adaptation In
that case mammoth and musk nv
must have developed in European
American and Asiastic lands in com.
paratively low ATTITUDES at the Tina
when the ice began to creep down
there.
Only archaeological Investigation
in the Polar lands can solve these
questions We must find out FIRST
whether or not the mammoth existed
there before the ice appeared. or
whether 1t was missing altogetber
around the Pole originally.
After the glacial period-or, rather
in the various times after the varions
glacial periods-the mammoth and
the Polar animals that live TODAY
emigrated back to the North. They
had accustomed themselves to cold
climatic conditions, and sought the
cold in the North as the ice receded
from the continents. It was at such
times that the mammoths made their
way to the Siberian seas and the musk
oxen to Grinnell Land.
That migration from North to South
and back again was witnessed by man.
There is good proof of the fact that
even in historical times Northeastern
Germany used TO be visited by wan
dering herds of reindeer. A typically
Northern beast like the wolverine has
been seen in the heart of the Euro
pean continent. Man, as a hunter.
helped to drive to the Pole every
thing that could possibly live there.
The Savannah morning news., 1903-09-13

Pete the safe blower, was under ar
rest.
He had been instantly recognized by
the clerk, despite his natty get-up and
a becoming Van Dyke beard not shown
on the photograph. He had made the
fatal mistake of not giving heed to his
eyebrows. One was sweeping and long,
the other decidedly shorter; and the
clerk had noticed the difference in the
rogues' gallery photograph that his
friend down East had sent him.
The Savannah morning news., 1903-09-13

faced the desk. Here the arm of the
law lolled until the afternoon of the
second day, when a stranger, every
inch the well-groomed man of the
world, walked up to the desk with an
easy air and began registering. He
was just reaching out to get the
key from the clerk when the latter
raised hand as if to reach for the
letterbox back of him. 1t was the pre-
concerted signal, and next second "Slim
The Savannah morning news., 1903-09-13
USEFUL HINTS FOR PRE-
PAIRING SCHOOL LUNCHES

Continued from Page Twenty-slAl
To Prepare an Orange.-f a cur. 40
won't eat an orange because II j. We
much bother TO fix it," cut arouhu ~
center, leaving a strip half an W.
wide all the way around. Loosen ~ ~
cups from the ends with the paeA at
a fruit knife or handle OF spoon 80
through the band and separate
sections.
Grape Fruit and GraDes.-Cut -
grape fruit in two a little above VI VI
center, making a deep cup. heINo,
the seeds and membrane. using
sors for the latter; put in lui4"
sugar and cover. .,-.
Grapes NAV be seeded By cuilh-
down one side and removing the hrs
with sharp-pointed knife. Then VIZ
The Savannah morning news., 1903-09-13
Forests in the Arctic.

The existence of forests of any kind
in the latitude of seventy-five degrees
north would have been out of the
question had the climatic conditions
of to-day. ruled there then.
The evidence produced by the col
Elaboration of paleontology and Arctic
exploration was not exhausted with
these two discoveries the most con-
vincing testimony was still to come.
When an English expedition under
Mares explored Grinnell Land, fossil
plants We're found which the great
Swiss paleontologist Oswald Heer,
afterward examined and classified.
They were not plants of the coal pc
Rod, but plants from the tertiary pc
Rod. The tertiary period is nearer to
us than either the silurian or the coal
period. At that time, the fern forests
had vanished from Europe and North
America, and had been replaced by
true foliage trees The mammals had
appeared. in highly grotesque forms.
In Grinnell Land about thirty differ
ent species of plants, dating to that
period. were found And from them
Heer constructed the following pic
ture of the Polar regions of that time.
The 'PrehistOric Pole"
sea with rich, ree-decked shores.
on the water swim the leafy plants of
water flowers. Reeds fringe the rims
of the lakes. Beyond them stand lin
dens. elms, many kinds of poplars and
birchcs, hazel bushes, snowballs. and
eVergreens, such as frs, cedars, and
particularly the swamp cypress that is
found now in the southern parts of the
United States.
These plants require a mean temper
The Savannah morning news., 1903-09-13

The time of the mammoth is relative
iy near our own time. To-day the Tun-
GUSTAV hunter on the Lena river occa-
sionally feeds his dogs with their froz-
en- flesh. Many things prove that man
once hunted the mammoth; certain
mammoth bones that have been mark
ed by the work of human hands point
to this.
Just in the time when the first man.
moth was found 900 years ago., the eye
of the investigator had begun to be-
come keen for the age and the sequence
of the geological layers of the earth.
The great science of paleontology, de-
stined to decide many questions, had
begun to make its way And parallel
with it, there advanced Arctic eXplor-
ration.
1t was discovered that certain stone
that occurred as far north as the sew
enty-ffth parallel of north latitude be-
longed to the so-called silurian age, an
age that takes us back to immensely
ancient periods of the earths history.
fossil remnants of coral reefs.
There was nothing extraordinary in
the fact that the coral animals had
built up their reef-toweis even in the
prehistoric past; but there was some
thing extraordinary in the discovery
of them in Arctic regions.
The coral animals to-day dwell with
out exception in warm seas. They die
if the average of temperature sinks
below is or 20 degrees Celsius. But
these prehistoric reefs of the silurian
age are on the Lancaster Sound, close
by the first wintering place of the
Franklin expedition How could trop-
ical creatures ever have felt at home
there?
There was a time somewhat later
than the silurian time. 1t was the coal
period. The name in itself conjures
up a picture of luXuTiant vegetation,
for coal is nothing but FOSSIL vegetable
growth. In this period, as in the 81
lGrian, birds and mammals had not be-
gun to exist. The plants were COM
paratively low in the SCALE they were
all relatives of our ferns, snake moss
and pewter grass. There were no oaks,
no palms, no beeches. no gaudy flower
plants.
And such coal layers are found far
in the northernmost north. Quite near
those coral reefs of the silurian period
lie coal fields in which the fossils are
clearly like those of the European and
that on the Lancaster Sound, as on
The Savannah morning news., 1903-09-13
THE SLICKEST OF
ALL DETECTIVES

Sherlock Holmes Outdone by the Clerk the Hotel DESK
All Hotel Clerks Are More or Less Detectives But There
Is One Of Them Who Surpasses All the SIeuths of the
Dime NoVels-Some Stories Of His Exploits.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1903-05-29
REMOVAL NOTICE.

I hereby announce to my friends,
patrons and the public generally the
removal of my real estate office on
or about April 18th from No. III Pine
street. this city, which will in future
be occupied by the Pine Bluff Trust
company, to the spacious new quar-
ters. No. ia West Second avenue,
next door to the R. S. Thompson and
Sons hardware store, where I shall
have double the space l now occupy.
and which my business has outgrown.
Ny facilities for carrying the seE-
eral branches of the real estate busl-
ness will in future be largely increas-
ed.
l shall continue to handle all kinds
of property, either for sale, rental
or lease. If not suited in my agency
twill be useless to try elsewhere. My
commissions for selling and renting
property will continue to be as low,
if not lower, than is charged by other
agents.
NV highest aim at all times will be
to please and satisfy. To prove this,
give me a trial and be convinced. Ap-
preciating your future favors, which
shall at all times receive my personal
attention, I am, yours very respectful-
y, VIM. BURKE,
June 3 Real Estate Agent.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1903-05-29
Even the Artist Was Net Su, e.

Many of the pictures Of Whistler
the artist, are vague both in trea -, e-lt
and subject One nigat he was dining
with Henry Irving, SO the story goes.
Two of Waistlers pictures adorned
the walls, and 4e wished no further
entertainment than the study Of these
At very short intervals during the
neal he took occasion to rise from hia
seat and take a close observation OF
them.
After studying the paintings in this
way for some time, he exclaimed.
Irving, Irving, look what you've
done"
What's the matter?" asked 1rvina
calmly.
="Matter?" thundered Whistler
"why, the matter is that these pic
lures have been hung upside down,
and you have never noticed it.
SUP pose they have hung that way for
months,
Il suppose they have replied 1rr.
ing; but | think l might be excused,
s.uce it has taken you-the man who
painted theri---over an hour to dis
cover tt ct taey are upside down.
Success.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1903-05-29
kinc Edward Their Gusrcla1.

It is not generally known tfsat Kin:
Edward, stnce his accession to ths
,aroGe. has become the guardian Of
the children OF the Prince aHd Prin'
cess of Wales, and Of his other grand.
children. over whom he has complete
control. the rights OF their parents
being superseded This was decided
r 3e law nearly 200 years ago, by a
a.ajority OF ten to two Judges. The
sight was frequently used by the
Georges, who had a habit of quarrel.
ing with their sons. Before members
OF the royal family can marry they
will have to obtain King Edwards E
consent or the marriage is void.
George III managed to s;5afe this
oower by means Of the roval marriage
act, in consequence Of his brothers
marrying subjects 70 mis- great annoy
alce.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1903-05-29
COMlNlO.

Cominto. AK May 29.-On Thurs
day Robert Johnson. eolored. came
hore flem Lake Village. He got
drunk. went to the hotel for negroes
and shot all the glass out Of the Win
lows. and then turned his weapon
on some negroes out in the hotel yard.
ore negro was wounded in the ankle.
Johnson was arrested and Is now in
iail at Monticello.