davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1903-07-10
PENALTY OF BEING FUNNY.
Humorists who Failed To Receive Their
Quota OF Fame.

| Quota OF Fame.
Thomas Corwin, who died In 1865,
| was one Of the most famous statesmen
Of his day. For more than thirty years
he occupied prominent official positions.
having been Governor Of Ohio, mem
ber Of both houses OF Congress. Secre-
tary of the Treasury and Minister to
| Mexico. On his death bed he said, pa
thetically: After all the public hoDors
I have received and all that ! have done
I'm the world, / shall be remembered
only ms Tom COrwin, the joker"
He was like our Chauncey NJ. De
pew, funny man, whose witty say
ings, more spontaneous than those of
Chauncey, were quoted far and wide.
No matter how high and digniflcd were
the places he occupied he was always
called by the undignified name OF
"Tom."
Another instance In which funny
man has failed To receive his full need
Of fame Is that Of the late Charles God
frey Leland. great philogist and n
scholar versed In many languages and
literatures. Leland translated much
from foreign tongues, and was espe-
cially happy In versions Of Heine's
poems. which In his hands retained the
strength, grace and beauty of the orig
inals. But he was chiefly known as
the author of the "IIans Breitmann
Ballads" written in Pennsylvania
Dutch. performance which gave him
worldwide fame and Is a masterpiece
of grotesque humor. Leland's other
books. Poetry and Mystery of
Dreams" minor Arts" "1he Gyp-
sizes" practical Education" etc, are
comparatively but little known.
John Hay, our Secretary of state, is
better known by his humorous Little
Brecches." than by his elaborate state
papers Thomas Dunn English after
all his years I'm Congress. could never
escape being chiefly known as the au-
thor of Ben Bolt" sentimental ditty
of his callow youth, the very mention
of which In later years raised his ire
To such n degree that his fellow Con
gressmen took great delight In quoting
from II just TO tease him. - Boston
TRANSCRIPT.
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1903-07-10
Relies OF the stone Age.

A well authenticated report has
been received from Naldes. Alaska. OF
n remarkable discovery that has very
recently been made on the shores OF
Prince William Sound When pros
pcctor named James Leeds was out
prospecting FOR gold along the coast,
with party. they came 10 the en-
trance of large cave almost con-
cealed from view Ivy the talus Of the
cliff. Leeds boldly entered the cavern.
and. on penetrating n short distance.
was astonished 20 lind there fourteen
wooden canoes. each canoe containing
Il human skeleton. Stone implements
were found besides the skeletons. and
stone slabs covered the tops OF the
canoes Everything seemed TO Indicate
that the craft ana bodies had been
placed In the caves a very long time
ago. Some scientists express the opin-
ion that the bodies and canoes were
placed where Leeds and his party had
discovered them during he stone age.
This very peculiar discovery VIII he
made the subject of scientific investi.
CATION. The Indians In that region
had never previously known Of the ex-
istence OF the cave. nor Of the human
remains. or canoes. and regard the dis
covery with wonder aud superstitious
fear.-Thc American Inventor.
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1903-07-10

worried about Olive Lorraine and Per.
cival. To the sick woman these alb
surd characters out OF stupid story
had become intensely real. She babbled
OF them at times when she was light
headed.
And her sister wrote letter 10 the
author Of "Percivars Atonement." and
got a reply OF a favorable character by
return of post. Ii was quite unus-
ually goodnatured author
The sister went 10 Priscilla In tri-
umpb. II thought. my dear, that your
anxiety about Olive and Percival was
perhaps making your recovery rather
slower than II should be-"
Yes" said Priscilla. III only knew
trouble, ] feel that my mind would be
easier"
IL have taken rather q liberty, Pris-
ella. ! have written 10 fhe author OF
the story, explaining the circumstances,
and have had a most kind reply from
him. He sends me some long slips of
paper on which the rest OF the story In
printed"
1T is very kind OF him and Of you
said Priscilla, Every kind" She seemed
10 hesitate.
Would you like me TO read them out
10 you nowT
NO" said Priscilla firmly. 1T If
very kind Of you both, but ] must not
take advantage Of II. II would be
irregular II would even be little
dishonora BILE. To my mind it seems
very much like cheating at Patience
You are not OffendedW
mo. dear. or course not"
"And, you see" Priscilla added, II
shall know the end of all the stories
40 soon now"
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1903-07-10
An uphpppy Family.

An Armourdalc man who visited that
town yesterday said that he had seen
an old hen with brood Of little chicks
quartered on top Of piano during ;hc
sweep of the food there. \ rat aud a
duck. he said, also used the instrument
as a refuge. The refugees had nothing
in common. however. and each kept
aloof from the others. The hen moth
or. mistress OF the top of the piano.
Kept close watch on her little ones.
She would not permit them To so too
near the edge of their roost. One OF
the brood. precocious little black
feathered rooster. kept the old hen
busy. lie would first trot To one end
of the piano. then To The other The
duck and rat were seated on the key
board. and Il seemed to delight the lit
tie black chick To lean over the edge
aud chirp at the rat. seated sad-eyed
and lonely and watching the water
which had made him take to the tall
spot. The old hen kept the other two
members Of the animal kingdom at a
safe distance, and the duck. whenever
the rat moved around at his end OF the
keyboard. quacked loudly. Kansas City
Star.
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1903-07-10
THE YOUTH OF WOMAN.

Women who grow old most quickly
are those whose interests are the mar
rowcst. Those who stay young longest
are those whose minds and spirits are
fed 10y action and 10y changing impress
sions. Those who are youngest at
thirty are the most intelligent. Climate
helps. In the temperate zones. but that
climate does little. without customs is
shown in the face of the blighted Amer
lean woman who at twenty looks
older than her free and enlightened
compatriot at forty. One or the rea-
sons that man has grown old later
than woman. is that he has had more
free and active role 20 play. one OF
the reasons that married women were
formerly the only ones who had a
chance OF escaping early age was that
when the unmarried passed certain
stage she was laid upon the shelf, and
the shelf is poor place for any human
plant TO retain its sap ard foliage.
Another foreign visitor. this time
an Italian. comes forward to congratu-
late America on the happy aspects OF
her yorth. Late marriage. which is
SO often regretted by conventional PHI
losoohers among us. seems To tails
Italian educator the result not only Of
n healthy sense OF responsibility. but
OF the ability OF our women TO re-
.iain yo, NC longer than Is possible
In some older nations. In this secret.
,f extending woman's youth through
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1903-07-10
VERY GIRLIsH, THESE.

A pretty girlish finish 10 summer
silk gown Is n deep round collar Of en-
brodered linen, with a twO-irch-wlde
frill OF the same finishing the throat
and turning over on this. The neck
Is cut out trifie low, and fastening
the collar is a rOsette made Of long and
short loops OF black velvet ribbon.
A girllsh summer evening frock seen
the other evening at an affair for grad
yates was OF white dotted muslin over
blue silk The skirt was trimmed about
a foot from the hem with large crowns
made of blue silk TOsettes, and these
were joined by pattern done with
Valencicnncs insertion. The same idea
with small crowns was carried out on
the blouse. There was deep collar
made Of a heavy lace, trimmed with
blue roscttes and narrow Nalenciennes
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1903-07-10

some additional lustres, our foreign
visitor finds the secret Of our good for
tune. ''Some lustres" Is long time.
II can hardly mean less than fifteen
years. and yet ii does not seem exag-
gerated. This extension Of womans
youth is obtained partly by exercise
and diet. but far more by widened op-
portun!ty. by work. by abundance OF
life. The way 10 live long is 10 live
much. and ono Of the wisest things
young America has done is 10 throw
open the doors Of opportunity and OF
lasting youth TO womlnkind.-Colliers
Weekly.
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1903-07-10

Small hats are growing smaller ana
large hats larger.
Spangled feather flowers are being
used on tulle toques.
The new silver and oyster grays are
among the favored colors Of the season.
The use of passementerie ornaments,
say dressmakers, has been overdone,
and the time has come for something
else
Long kimOnos are delightful 10 wear
in ones room though some content
themselves with short one over the
pettlcoat
While net over taffeta may interest
for winter. just now ia Paris muslin,
sheer China silk and all the dainty.
washable stuns are alluring.
The latest Cravats are of coarse crash
with wide-spreading ends, embroidered
in long Russian stitch. with re1 and
black fax thread, the whole reminis-
cencc of Roumania.
Grass linen petticoats are being worn
from the inexpensive plain little affair
to exquisite ones. the volant mounted
over colorcd silk undertlounce and
worked with pure white silk cmbroid.
cry.
Belts of soft doeskin or suede, slight
ly drapcd and fastened with oblorg
buckles in front, are being much worn.
for they are 50 supple that they tit
into the curves of the figure in way
leather never could.
one can hardly lay too much stress
on the modishness of plaids. The plaid
voiles. generally in green's and blue,
are extremely smart. and may hc made
dressy or not. The heavier plaid stuffs
promise 20 he even more popular in the
autumn. Neilings come also in checked
patterns.
A fashion which is creeping in, and
is as much worn on coats and wraps
as on boleros. is n silk or lace scarf,
draped shawl.wise round the shoulders.
and passed through two large buckles
on either side in front. the ends fall
ing straight down on 10 the skirt, fin
| shed with deep fringe.
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1903-07-10
WEDDING RINGS.

The big broad gold wedding ring has
rolled back into fashion again. and The
bridegroom elect is shown wonderful
variety OF them to choose from. The
big new rings are made Of what Is
called barbaric gold; that is to say,
they are entirely hand wrought OF
metal so nearly pure that they viii
bend easily. Broad as these rings are
not one OF them Is thick or clumsy OF
finished with a FURNISHED surface. The
dali. rich and slightly alloyed precious
metal Is handsome and highly decora-
tive for any feminine hand.
Sometimes the rough tracery OF q
vine runs about the outer surface or
the ring, and inside, within an oval, Is
rudcly marked the initials Of the con
tracing parties. Not infrequently the
lettering is done In Greek or Hebrew
characters with some short and appro-
pirate motto from Plato or the Bible
following.
The newest of the wedding rings can
be had in the red gold of India, the
green gold OF Australia. or the pecu-
liarly pallid gold Of Alaska At this
moment all those brides who like to
cherish and encourage the newest SEN
timents present their husbands with
ring. A plain circlet, richly carved,
and engraved with motto and initials
within. is the best choice. and this ring
is slipped on the benedicts finger by
the lady just before. or after, or during
the ceremony. as she finds the time and
opportunity propitious. - New York
Press.
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1903-07-10
K9:oS&yA@sS2!' &As2'

Queen Alexandra Is great lover Of
violets and lilies OF the valley, and Is
fond Of wearing them.
As memorial for Mrs. Alice Free
man Palmer the University Of Chicago
will place in the tower a set Of chimes
costing $4,000.
For the first time in the history Of
Beloit College, Wisconsin, women stu
dents this year have carried off both
first and second hOnOrs.
A woman's club ia -. Petersburg,
Russia, which has a membership OF
1000. was organized for the purpose Of
befriending women in the city VINO
are lonely and In need Of help.
Through the efforts Of the trained
nurses five States have recently passed
laws fixing regulations for licensing
nurses and conferring the title Of reg
istered nurses upon those who have
passed certain educational standards.
The writer of "Curfew Shall Not
Ring Tonight is Mrs. Rose Hartwick
Thorpe, now n resident Of La Jalla,
cal, but formerly OF Fremont, ina.
Mrs. Thorpe says she wrote the IA
nous poem in 1870. She also published
ten books from 1870 10 1890.
The City Council Of Christiania, Nor
way, has appointed Fru Ragna Mel
sen member of the board Of inspec-
tors Of all the city hospitals. Some
months ago "A woman was placed on
the board Of inspectors Of each public
and private lunatic asylum in Nor
way.
Women are employed on the garden
ing staff at Kew Gardens, England, on
condition that they work in male attire.
A young woman is in charge Of the
herbaceous and Alpine plant depart
ment at the present time. The women
gardeners go through n two-years'
course Of study AT Kew, and in the in
tervals Of spadework barrow wheeling
and practical flower culture, attend lee.
lures in the various sections of the
gardens.
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1903-07-10

Inch by inch the field is contested
and slowly. sullenly, the locomotive II
giving way before the insistent troll
ley. A dozen years ago il was only the
err horse aud cable IN the towns that
we're threatened by electric traction
Then the trolley poked an inQuiring
fentacle over the city limits into the
suburbs The results were satisfac-
tory. and swiftly the electric lines
flung their spider filaments from town
10 town until now great sections OF
the country are cobwebbed with them.
The trolley map OF Eastern Massachu-
sctts looks rs complete as the steam
railroad map II You have little time
TO spare you can 20 on an electric car
to almost any part OF Southern New
England that you could reach by a loco
motive. and 10 good many parts that
you could not.-S. E. MoiYett, in Nc
Clurp'S
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1903-07-10

When ye see a blit o. tartan
What wbeen o. things ye mindi
Hoo il stirs yer bluid WI feelings
D a patriotic kind!
Ne can hear the pibroch skirln',
See the kIlties mairchin' fair;
Ye can see thousand battles,
And the bay'Dets flashing bare.
Ye can mind o. deeds O. daring,
And the thin red line" OF war;
Ye can con the names of heroes
Prood names that warriors bore
Ye can walk again the mountains,
'Mang the heather and the fern;
,Ye can hear the curlew's waiing,
Watch the proodly soaring erne.
Ye can hear the torrents rushing.
Doom score O. Hieland glens;
lYe can see the storm clouds rollins
On the granite-crested benz.
Ye can hear the hill-grouse calling,
Watch the shepherds tend their focks
,Ye can see the frs and rowans,
And the foxgIoves 'mang the rocks.
Ye can breathe the air o. freedom,
Catch the courage Of the hills;
,Ye can fancy for the moment
That II soothes a warldly ills.
When ye see bit o. tartan
Ye're a Hielander in mind;
For it's wee bit things like this, man,
That our hairts 20 Scotland bind.
"A. :. Alexander, Madison, Wis, IN the
Scot.ish-American.
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1903-07-10
TO TRAVEL IN COMFORT.
Take light handbags

Take light handbags.
Wear light weight skirt OF walking
length and of the kind that can be cas-
lily pressed out at the journeys end.
A simple shirt waist OF silk or wool
I'm dark colors will pass through the
most tiresome journey with n fresh
face.
Tuck into the grip a pair of easy
slippers.
Also put in supply Of dainty turn.
overs sufficient to furnish n clean one
per day.
Wen tried and eSsy corsets are cs.
scntial. Or better yet, none At all, II
one is slender.
IL is better To take good cleansing
cream and use as little water rs possi'
bic on the face.
SIP IN some nofaN, lOr tne WuleT IL
sure TO be hard, and ones hands get
grimy.
Eat regularly, hut one hearty meal q
day is sufficient FOR the average per
son. The other two meals should be
light and consist principally Of fruit.
Don't eat candies. cakes and rich
foods. Philadelphia Telegraph.
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1903-07-10
BOWS UNDER THE CHIN.

BOWS UNDER IHE thiN'
The French woman delights in a big
bow under her chin. and the popular
motor wells composed Of yards and
yards OF chiffon and tulle are respons-
ible for the light and airy ties, which
are a feature Of the moment in Paris
now. Everybody wears them, whether
motoring or not, and very pretty they
are. Very often one sees them worn
as wells, and crossed at the back.
brought down and tied as bows under
the chin. For holding this combined
veil and tie in place nothing Is more
useful than high Spanish comb
pushed In the hair Just below where
the veil is crossed; this keeps the veil
from slipping down 10 the back or the
neck. and also serves 10 tilt the Lat for
ward on the head, "a contamination OF
chic greatly 10 be desired.
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1903-07-10
A Rat Story:

A particularly good rat story is told
in a Belgian paper.
A gardener had planted 250 tulip
bulbs; the following day, when about
to complete the number, the man no
ticed that the bulbs had disappeared
mysteriously. He was told that per-
haps rats had been at work, and looked
for their hole.
This be found. and dug down into the
earth until q subterranean chamber
was disclosed, where the whole OF the
$50 bulbs were hidden, packed neatly
in rows one above the other.
There was a bundle OF hay and dead
leaves, also, showing that the rats had
made most elaborate preparations Tor
the winter season.--London Express.
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1903-07-10

Dutch fishermen make astonishing
catches by means OF a very simple
eIpedlent They put a number OF
live worms and insects into a bottle
partly filled with water, which is then
securely corked. The bottle is dropped
into the water and the fisherman sinks
his line alongside. 1t appears that the
wriggling contents OF the bottle so
tempt the fish that they fall easy vic
tins TO the baited hooks.
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1903-07-10
uNREASoNABLE SISTER.

Mama-"Why. Herbert what In tho
world is the matter with sister,
Hertcrt-"Aw. we was just a-playin
haunted house. an she was the ghost
an | give her the little chain TO swal
lcr SOS she could clank every time she
moved. an now she's a-cryin'. an say:
she don't want 10 be the ghost an'
more.'-Magazine Of Humor
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1903-07-10
TILE ONE TO PLEASE.

Gilman You're expecting some
thing out at ycJr house, aren't you|'
Subbubs-"Yes and we're hoping
and praying it'll he girl"
Citiman-"That soI"
Subbubs-"Yes; the servant girl says
she doesn't like boy babies. '1Phila.
dclphia Press.
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1903-07-10
COLD BLOODED.

Don't you deplore the lack Of artis'
tic discrimination in American said
one artist
mo. | don't" answered the other.
eff there were more artistic discrimir'
alton some of us wouldn't be able to
sell so many pictures. Washington
Star.
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1903-07-10
THE TRUTH MERELY.

"See here" said Mrs Starvem. after
the new boarder's first meal, when |
agreed TO give you reduced rates you
told me you were light eater"
so | am, ma'am.' he replied. I'm
the Human Salamander at the mu'
scum. You'd oughter see me swallow
burning torches. philadelphia Press.
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1903-07-10
MAKING PROGRESS.

"Wnjoms, have you named the baby
YETI"
Almost We've got the two grand
mothers 10 agree to arbitrate the case"
Chicago Tribune.
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1903-07-10

"After suffering from severe dyspepsia
over twelve years and using many RENE.
dies without permanent good / finally
took Kodol Dyspepsia Cure. 1t did me
so much good recommend il to every.
onne," writes E. Watkins, Clerk and
Recorder, Chillicothe, Mo. II digests
what you eat. T. r. Parker, Olneyville.
Centerdale Pharmacy, Centerdale.
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1903-07-10
THE OFFICE SEEKER

Citizen-"Say, can't you give my SOD
job at the City HallT
MayOr-"What can he dof"
Citizen-"Do? Why, if he could dc
anything. I'd employ him myself. -
Chicago News.
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1903-07-10
6be Fanny
Tide Of
Life.
PREJUDICE.

4 bold man ciutched the trump Of fame,
And blew upon II straight,
Twas fearful discOrd. just the same,
His friends all said, ''Its greatp
Washington Star.
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1903-07-10
u,r. uur,e,nai Deb,

Huddersneld must be placed amone
the uost daring municipalities In the
United Kingdom. 1t has pledged its
ratable value six and half times over,
its total debt. that is TO say. Is six and
a half times the assessed value Of tho
town.-1it Bits
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1903-07-10
NO DANGER OF A FALL.

Sharpe-"Yes, Parker invented the
safest airship ever heard of"
Wheaton - Put ii refused TO ~.
You couldn't go up in it,"
Sharpe-"That's why | say II was
The safest. Philadelphia Record.
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1903-07-10
OFT TO TEE.

First Golf Stick-"You seem very
clipper to-day"
Second Golf Stick-"Yes; a girl is 20
ing TO take me out to tee."-Philadel
phia Record.
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1903-07-10
TIE REGGAR,S SIGN.

Smith (seeing beggar bearing sign
reading Deaf and Dumb" I'D like &c
help this poor fellow, but | don't know
how TO tell whether he is really deaf
and dumb"
Beggar (softly)-"Read the sign, mis-.
ter. read the sign. Indianapolis Jour.
hal.
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1903-07-10
silence NJ Dinner.

whenever there is a marked silence
at large dinner party II is always,
so the superstitlous say. twenty min.
utes Of the hour or twenty Minutes
after.-New York Press.
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1903-07-10

Mrs. Duck-"Willie, come right back
IN the water. DO you want 10 catch
cold anG die by getting your feet dryF'
New York Times.
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1903-07-10
HARDLY SYNONYMOUS.

Landlady-"Is your s.eak too rare"
New BOarder-"Well-er- must ad
nit il Is just a trihe scarce. ."-Cincin
matt Enquirer.
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1903-07-10

In Finland reindeer are worth only
aNcut $50 n head. A reindeer can
travel about 130 riles day.
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1903-07-10

Never strike a man when he Is
down. especially ii you are going to
strike him for a loan