Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1903-01-13

| Never Goes Amiss: y woman never
Aits what she aims at unless she
throws kiss. -Someryille (dass)
Journal
I 1yer- Said heads remind me of kind
words, Myei4--W What's the answer?
Gyer-They can never dye. Chiea, .
Daily News.
He Cautiously What womb Won
say II shoulGask yor to be my wife?
She (more cautiously why don't you
ask me and find out. Chicago News.
The Visitor How is your nabyP
Trained Nursts--First rate. lie is ret
ting so now can occasionally leave
him with his mother Harper's Ba-
EAR.
Your husband appears to be such
n thoughtful man" "Oh, he is. He
never forgets to caution me about
keeping down the household expenses"
Detroit Free Press
Your uncle is very religions man,
understand "oh. yes. indeed. He
positively hates everybody who be-
longs to any other church than his
own, Boston Transcript.
Their Cooks; 'Muggins My cook
left because we refused 10 treat her
as one of thefamily. Bugglns HumphI
My cook expects to be treated as COM
pany Philadelphia Record.
Naturally: Rita--why is Mr.. Kodak
so glum looking? Mia lie and Flea
nor have just come out of the dark
room, where he had evidently devel-
oped negative Princeton Tiger.
Casey-Wen, We can't preyint what's
past an gone. Cassidy Shurc, We
could av ye only acted quick enough.
Casey-How could yc2 CASSIDY
shtop it before it happens t-Bits.
Bunkoed Again: Il don't think MUCK
of this museum" said links: why.
they amt got no skull OF Napoleon
Bonaparte, and the one was M, up
TO New York, has two" Baltimore
American.
Home Is Best: She--You didn't stay
long in London. He-No, couldn't
stand it. Over there. everybody knew
me for an American right away. here,
in New York, no one ever suspects it.
december Smart Set
You say your pastor is introducing
novelties into the pulpite" "Ams. yes,
He has left the well-beaten paths OF
politics, society, finance and vice, and is
introducing discourses on the Bible and
the New Testament
lis her social position an assured
one?' Il should say SO, Why, it's
bounded on th.. north by two genera
tions of scandals: on the east by New
port; on the south by ten millions; and
ON the west by South Dakota."-Ex.
The Friendly Shadows OF Night: Old
Crusteigh- did you dare. sir, to
kiss my daughter last night on the
dark piazza Young Gayboy Cad, now
that I've seen her by daylight l won
der myself. Smart Set.
The professor laid his overcoat chose
~ about him as he walked down the
long, narrow passageway between the
two rows of tplit hogs hanging Up in
the great packing house. The sisles
of greaser' he nuttcred Chicago
Tribune.
'They had one of the strongest mar
riages recorded for n long time In
what respecs%' ''In every respect.
Why. both parents on both sides were
present, there was nothing sudden or
secret about II and their own clergy
man performed the ony."-JWdge.
81 suppose you're trying To think up
n lie to tell your wife when you get
home" said the first clubman. No,
indeed" replied the other, I'm going
to tell her the truth" Surely you're
notT' Il certainly am. because she's
sure not to believe me- Philadelphia
Press
Grizzly Pete (readngl-It says here
n chap Just shot the rapids of Niagara
in a barrel Buneo Bill-ILuh! Prob
erly crouched down low an shot out o
the bunghole; but them Rapids OF
Niagara must be a powerful slow Gam
il to let q chap plug EN- like that
Judge.
But what will you do when al the
vernnform appendices Shall have been
remoyedg" The great surgeon smiled.
Il was reading only to-day he said.
that the stomach may be taken ont
without killing the PATIENT How
funny you arer' exclaimed the great
surgeon, and laughed outright
Missed a Sale Il am selling new
cyclopaedia,P began the well-dressed
man who had been ushered into the re-
ception room on the strength Of his
makeup; would you care to look at
itg 'Tain't no use" replied Mrs
Nedrich; I'D break my neck il ever
attempted TO ride one OF them TOOL
things" Chicago Daily News.
The Day After Thanksgiving: what
are the probabilities for tomorrow"
asked the star boarder o. the drug
clerk, who was looking over the paper.
The drug clerk turned to the @eather
page, and, seemingly unconscious that
the Landlady was behind him, read:
For tomorrow and Saturday. hash.
followed by turkey soup and GRO
qnettes Judge.
Hints for an Insomanac; Ii you
can't get to sleep, count three billions.
taking care TO pronounce each number
slowly and distinctly. IL this does not
prove effective, get out of bed and
turn eighteen handspring Observe
a proper regard for the uniformity OF
the thing, and see that they are OF tho
same size and velocity. II yon stili
End you are unable 70 get into the
Lana Of Nod. take walk around the
block. and then, II this means calls, 90
ana find a big man ana tell him he ifes-
He'll put you to sleep. Town Topics.