Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1903-02-20
STORIETTEs.

STORIETTEs.
Sir Richard Powell. the eminent
English physician. 10 noted for his
srankness In speaking his mind With
,ut regard to the social position Of his
patient. Once. when he was called to
prescribe for the Duchess Of Man
hester, he ordered her to disrobe.
Hut. Sir Richard. I haven't my maid
here" she said: to which the baronet
retorted: Madame, have no inten.
ton OF examining your maid"
Frederic I. Crowset, in his volume,
Musicians Wit. Humor and Anec'
dote," says that when the famous
Strauss first visited America, musical
women went Wild over him, and to.
ward the end Of the season the "king
OF waltz music" was showered with ap-
plication for hair. In due course OF
time the locks were distributed-many
hundred OF them, too, each one accom-
panied by the compliments OF the
composer Suficient hair was sent
out to make Strauss look as though he
had been sandpapered, yet when he
left this country. his locks were as
abundant as ever. But when his beau
tiful black retriever (Strauss was q
great dog fancier) took its departure,
the animal looked like Q shorn poodle.
A story is going the rounds Of q
youthful minister who. when he
preached his first funeral sermon over
woman in small Maine town, praised
her so highly that the poor bereaved
husband, sitting there listening, could
not recognize her by the description.
Finally, In q glowing peroration he
pictured God and the archangels and
the angels and all the hosts Of the re-
deemed joyously forming parade to
welcome to heaven this "one OF the
very best OF all women" The patient
husband, who had never been able to
rule his own household, could stand 1t
no longer, and, leaping up, interrupt
ed the preacher with reckoning
hand, gasping out: No. no, elder;
not quite that! She was only bout
middlin'."
A newly married couple recently
sauntered leisurely around Statuary
Hall In the Capitol at Washington, D.
c., trying hard to appear unconscious.
Stopping on one of the echo stones to
gaze at q new statue, they were spied
by two youthful pages looking for
Joke. One Of the pages hurried to an.
other echo stone. and in whisper
asked: when did you get married 2"
The couple looked at each other. and
then oil around the hall. but could dis.
Germ no one. The bride blusbed. and
the young man lool1ed miserable,
Presently again came the mysterious
quection: when did you get mar
ried?" Awe stricken and looking ex-
tremely foolish. they fed from the
hall, to the intense amusement OF the
mischievous pages. ...--
Senator Hoar relates this anecdote
Of his friend, the Rev. Joseph Erskine,
of Edinburgh: ':At one time in his
life, Mr.. Erskine lost handkerchief
after handkerchief. He found, on in
yestigation, that 1t was on Sunday
these losses occurred, and. according
ly, one Sabbath morning Mrs. Erskine
sewed his handkerchief In the tail
pocket Of his coat. moo said she,
moo lat US see what will happen Mr..
Erskine, with the sewed handkerchief,
passed down the aisle of the church
that morning as usual to ascend to the
pulpit, but as he sailed by the amen
corner he felt gentle tug behind,
delicate nibble among his coattails.
lnereupon he turned on the disap-
pointed old woman n the corner, and
said, with a triun. phant smile: No
the day, honest wuniun, 80 the day.
In his "Recollections." Aubrey dc
vere tells Of an 1rlshman lie met in
Switzerland. with whom patriotism
vas 80 truly q mania that every word
in praise of the scenery about him
seemed distinct aspersion on the
land Of his birth. what can you com.
pare here?" he demanded, with the
of Wicklow Perhaps"
said traveller, zone might name the
uroun tains of the Mont Blanc range"
"Oh," he replied, scornfully, they're
out of all reason! am artev walking
along the Chamouni Valley for three
days. and only saw four OF those
Sure, in Wicklow I'd have
counted as many as eight of them In
three hours!" Have you seen this
wonderful waterfall within half mile
of u.s." Il have not seen it, and | am
not going to see it. Didn't see the
O'Sullivan Cascade at Killarney?
Down it comes from such height that
you don't know where it comes from.
Down 1t plunges, laundering and bel
lowing, sometimes black as ink, and
white as milk. dashing it.
self against the right-hand rocks and
smashing itself against the left-hand
rocks. What is your Handeck Fall
compared to that?" "Some persons
would say" was the reply, that the
waterfall here is about ten times as
high and six times as broad" "Ah,
then" said he, with an added note OF
scorn, "then the O'Sullivan Cascade Is
not big enough for you. And tell me
this now: Couldn't you take a magni-
flying glass to it,"
Nervous Old LADY, hope your
horse Is quiet, cabman. What's she
idyluS UdChs ACl CalS AlhV thaI AoA
ook!" Cabby (complacently)-"Oh,
that's only her feminine curiosity.
mum. She likes to hear where she's
a-goin' to-"
Caiifornia--Low Rates.
Beginning February 18th, the M. X.
& T. Ry. will sell Colorist Tickets to
California at very low rates, viz: st
Louis, $1,000: Kansas City, $500,
tourist Car through to San Francisco
leaves st. Louis each Tuesday at S:3"
p. m. Ask any Katy Agent " address
James Barker, Gen'l Pass Agent, NJ. X
& T. Ry.. 202 wainwright Building, St.
Louis. h
it IL eald that the German emperor
does not like electric cars.
500 Rswara 500.
The readers Of this paper will be pleased &c