The Savannah morning news., 1903-10-11


Why Is Carrot or Which is Tur-
nip or When does Cabbage bur 1
was willing to discuss What time is
Twelve O'clock since it would be an
interesting exercise in dialectics, Civ
ing an ample opportunity for the dis
play OF all the most consummate arts
Of the controversialist and logiclan.
l see, however, that with such an an
tagonist as yourself, it would be fruit
less. I prefer eating prunes."
Il don't care for prunes or dialectics,
myself" said the Idiot. "A littel fried
hominy is about my size. Can't you
give me one, Mr.. Brief, on When is
Man Rich?'
I'm afraid I'd better not" said Mr..
Brief recovering his good-nature, and
smiling across the table at his adver-
sary. I'm afraid it would be too
heavy for your digestion"
AS you please" said the Idiot. But
you do wrong to suspect the stomach
OF one who in the last twenty minutes
has successfully absorbed one dozen
OF Mrs. Pedagog's very delightful
buckwheat doilies. Mary, another
plateful of the luscious porosities."
What do you mean by rich ?" asked
Mr.. Whitechoker. 1T seems to me
that that is the pith of the question:
well, should say that the term
rich Is sort of shorthand expression
for living on Easy street." said the
Idiot. when a man is living on Easy
street he is rich. The most beautiful
location for happy home, in my tldg-
ment, is on the corner of Easy street
and Long Green avenue, where You
can laze away the livelong day listen
ing to the lawn-mower as your hired
man pushes it up and down the green
sward of your government bonds and
clips the coupons off; where the dande-
lions that peep merrily up out of the
sodden earth have heads of eighteen
karat gold instead of the ordinary yell
low shocks of commerce; where bulb
bling, sparkling champagne purls up
from the well-springs, and fountains
shoot forth solid silver spray instead
of the somewhat damp imitation that
we get elsewhere; where our water
pipes give forth hot and cold cash at
the mere turning of the spigot, and
where every trousers pocket in the
community is a magic purse that never
holds less than all you need, and four
dollars to spare. That is what l call
being rich-having four dollars to
spare all the time; to have seven is af-
fluence while ten would smack too
much of ostentation. For me four
would be enough, with say an extra
dollar liking an even five during the
holiday season."
ut is the view / feared you would
take" sighed Mr.. Whitechoker. 1T is,
after all, material wealth that most
men confound with the idea of riches.
When we speak of q millionaire We
are invariably supposed to mean a
man who has a million dollars; the
man is measured and characterized by
the amount of filthy lucre he has in
his possession; it is pounds shillngs
and pence, not the qualities of his in
telligence, his morals, the things of the
f..4t l.. a-s.~ ii, LII ktx,r Ines
that we are all so sordid!"
We've got to have some standard.
Mr.. Whitechocker," said the Idiot. 1T
would give rise to much confusion if
you didn't. Take a humorist, for in
stance, with a million jokes on hand,
you might call him a millionaire, L
suppose, but any landlord who let his
bill run over six months would come
out at the little end of the horn, unless
he was willing to take jokes instead Of
greenbacks in payment of his account
Same way with poets, inventors, baks
ers, butchers, tailors-everybody, | sup
pose, in one way or another, is a mil
lionaire in one direction, and bank
rupt in another, but until we are per-
mitted to pay our outstanding &C
counts with the things we produce, 1t
would be wrong to call the man MIL
lionaire on anything other than gold
basis"
1.-THE Idiot speaks well and truly"
said Mr.. Brief, land / am glad to be
able to agree with him for once. Take
his own case, for example. He prooa-
bly, earns $40 a week."
1.-TWO hundred" interrupted the
Idiot
cried the lawyer
mo / don't get it, only get $1,000,
but | earn $4,000. For lawyer, you
are very loose in your use of Ian
guage" said the Idiot.
''Well. he has a salary of hundred
dollars a month"; resumed Mr.. Brief
"but in Idiocy. he is a second Monte
Cristo. He has more ldlocy IN a NH
ute than Rockefeller has oil IN year:
He is the William Waldorf Astor OF
drivel the Andrew Carnegie of fatu-
ity. the Charles NJ Schwab of ineptl-
tude-in short, the ]. P. Morgan OK
Nugacity." - .,.,
siasticalIy. There's crowd for you.
IF a man is Judged by the company ne
keens, he ought to be able to get my
note discounted for $40 almost any
day." s ..rho4,.
"Aha!" interposed Mr.. Brief. ''Thats
lust the point I'm coming TO. IN
doubtedly a Millionaire in idiocv, al
most controlling the market in that
commodity lust as Rockefeller controis
the oil of the world, it would, never
theless. be working an infinite wrong
upon the community to pass you OIL as
a rnulti-millionaire, thus enabling you
to hold UP every tradesman IN the VI
cinity with nothing but blather PACK
Of you Your individual case proves
your point that a definite standard OF
measurement for men IS required IL
there is to be any confidence.
"Stil 1t is too bad, rs Mr. Wmte-
choker says, that men should be Judg-
ed by the length of their pockets ratn-
er than by the riches of the mind
said the idiot Perhaps the language
is at fault. 1t may be that we need
a broader Technology to convey the
ideas we wish to express. |, Tor IN
stance, being as you so put IT, j. +:
Morgan of Nugacity, might be called
an Idionaire. Mr.. Whitechoker dealing
as he does with things of the spirit,
might be known as a Biblionaire; Mr..
Pedagog, a millionaire in learning,
even il poor of purse, might be dubbed
a Handbook of Factsionaire; while
YOU, Mr.. Brief, with your marvellous
wealth of resource in argument. could
be set down as a Whollionaire."
"a what?" cried Mr.. Brief. Il don't
catch the point"
"a Whollionaire" said the Idiot
What is the derivation?" frowned
the lawyer.
ut is from the adverb wholly, sig
nifying entirely, and the phrase on
air or up-in-the-air." explained the
49, str-11~ forra think