Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1903-01-24
The Batting
of Williams
By GEORGE BROOKS.

III TINS connection is USED advlSedly,
because he is not now. Quiet little
Stoner worked the cure. The way of it
was this:
Williams. like all professional jok-
ers, did not have a great variety of
tricks. Those he had were not all
original. They were probably old when
he first heard them, but that never
bothered him in the least. He would
take hold of them as though they were
his own creation, and then he would
work them on every friend he had. Of
course Williams jokes were poor
things. The tricks of professional
joker usually are, and as result Will
liams' coterie of friends rapidly dimin-
ished until he finally had but few left.
These still chung to Williams because
apart from his alleged funny tricks
they decided that he was not such
bad fellow; in fact, that when he was
not thinking up some practical joke,
he was as good a sort as anybody would
want to know.
The lonesome few who still claimed
Williams as a friend decided at an in
formal meeting one night that some
thing had to be done to reform Will
liams or else they would have to say
farewell to him as a friend.
''I like Williams" said Stocky Wood
bridge. "That is, I would like him if
he would only cut out his monkey
tricks. But if he doesn't, then / am
going to cut him out as friend. l
won't stand for his jokes any more. He
carries things about 200 miles too far.
7 can nenjoy joke is much as anyone,
even if il is on myself. You know that
is true, or would not still be friend
of Williams after he has played some
so pretty rough jokes on me. But last
night, you know, / was to call on Miss
Keller over on the avenue. Just be-
fore / reached there somebody, which
of course 1 know was Williams, called
up on the telephone and said: This is
the emergency hospital. A young man
has just been brought in here who
tried TO bump a street car off the
track. He seems unable to give his
name or talk coherently, but has con-
tinually given this telephone number,
which we are calling up in the hopes of
discovering the unfortunate mans
identity Well, just as arrived at Miss
Reller's house / met her and the whole
family hurrying down the steps in
great excitement on their way TO the
hospital. Now, that's drawing the long
bow too far. I'm done"
Williams is especially fond" said
little briggs, "of that trick of invent
ing conversation in a street car. 1
don't know how many people he has
worked it on. / know you have all
been sufferers. i used 10 think it was
funny, but, great shakes, he has
worked it to death. You know how he
does. He is riding in a street car
that is crowded full of people, some.
maybe, that you know. You are talk
ing along on general subjects, and per-
haps you will say to him in a low tone:
Il don't believe that / will go to the
theater tonight, after ALL
"That is Williams chance. He will
Immediately raise his great brass
bazoo of voice, and looking at you
intently say in tone of frozen hor-
ror: And you say you struck that poor
girl in the face and drove her out to
perish in the terrible storm Then
of course everybody in the car turns
around and glares at you, and all the
old ladies murmur monster and the
men say brute Then of course you
get red and wriggle and whisper to
Williams: %, say, that's bit rough;
try and be decent And then Williams
in terrible voice will say: That's no
excuse. Suppose your wife didn't have
dinner ready just as you came home.
Is that reason for beating her with
chair?' Well, the passengers on the
car are just about ready to mob you,
land you beg Williams again to hush,
and he goes on and says: What, you
say yon threw the hat rack at your
wife as she went down the stairs. You
may think you did brave thing, but
say you were a coward Then the
other passengers commence to show
symptoms of hanging you to lamp
post, and you have to get up and escape
from the car, followed by Kisses and
groans, while all the passengers reach
over and pat Williams on the back and
tell him that he served the rascal just
right.
mo, you don't get me to ride in a
car with Williams again. The other
night was with him in a street car and
whispered something to him about a
man in front of US walking on any feet,
and Williams glared at me and shout
ed: What, you hit your father with
baseball bat? For shame I didn't
stay to hear any more. just got off
the car and waited in the rain for half
an hour before another one came by.
We've got TO do something"
Then Stoner spoke up. THE only
trouble is that we have been too kind
to Williams. We laugh at his jokes