Waterbury evening Democrat., 1903-06-10
Children's White Lawn Guimps
6RIeve, BIssET x HOLLAND,

a srafr of forty -four lfnguKsts to reau and interpret the various foreign let ters. It takes 312 typesetting machines to set the type for each issue, and our staff of artists, each one of whom is under yearly contract, numbers 210.
 As to the Kicker's political influence, we may modestly mention that 1t elect ed Mckinley twice. It brought on the Epanish-American war and freed Cuba and licked Spain. It brought on the Boer war and licked the Boers. It has bluffed England, threatened Germany and made up faces at Russia. 1t has elected or downed over 200 members of congress and passed Jor defeated over BOO important measures.
 The sultan of turk and the shah of Persia subscribe to it because they fear 1t. The Kicker hobnobs with mayors, Eways governors and advises the presi- dent, and for six hours previous to each issue 70,00O,0O0 people in America hold their breath and feel an uneasy move ment of the earth
 The number of advertisements pub lished in the Kicker last week was not far from 5000 100000, each one of which returned the advertiser 1000 per cent profit. Send your copy In early and avoid the rush.
 That's about all in regard to the greatest paper ever created by human hands. Remit by draft, check or mon- ey order and don't attempt to work off any Confederate currency on us.
 As to the owner, editor, proprietor and boss of the Arizona Kicker, his name is James .Hellso, commonly known as Jim, The nar>n of Hellso dates back to 42sO B. c. It is generally accented on the first syllable. Our first ten years were passed in h cooper shop, our next ten in a cheese factory. Having thus fitted ourself for the editorial harness, we came west and* established the Kicker. Our genius was acknowledged after we killed our third man, but was not fully recognized until our fourteenth was laid away. We own the only private editorial graveyard in the world. We bury all of our victims at our own expense. We always ride at the head of the funeral procession. Our arsenal consists of two quick firing pounders, one bomb mortar, one seacoast gun, fifteen Win chesters. eighteen revolvers and two dozen bowie knives, and we are pre- pared to turn loose at moments mo- | tice.
 4" We are mayor, postmaster senator, 1 game warden, deputy United States marshal, colonel of militia, foreman of a fire company, fish commissioner, leader of church choir, owner of the only opera house and confidential ad- wiser of the governor.
 We are the It.
 The Rocky mountains extend a trifie farther than we do, but that is sim- pie detail
 The United States might not go to | smash in case of our deathy but there is no doubt that war and panic would follow.
 The world at large tried for several years to do without us, but she had to come to time at last. Our personal influence is now felt as much in Con stantinople as in Giveadam Gulch. We own the bey of Algiers just as much as we do Mark Hanna. There are would be imita tors, but they are not a success. There is only one It, and we are the critter. Don't let your drug I gist sell you something just as good" Demand the original and only and take no other.
 P. S.-We stop our sixty-six presses and 64O editors to announce that our circulation has gone up another bill lion and that we must add seventy-f1ve more presses and 500 more editors to | our outfit
 ] Later.-We have also been appoint ed. notary public by the governor of Arizona. M. QUAD