New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1903-08-12
LETTERS OF AN OLD MAID.
TO A YOUNG GIRL.

Dear Madge: I hate to be caught giving advice!
II I give you some I hope you'll never tell OF it.
But II is borne in upon to-day that shall nave
to pose for little while instructor of youth.
so please give me a hand while I mount my ped
estal of Superior Experience. The stand Is high
and am growing little stiff in the JOINTS II
begin my lecture without further preamble 1t
is on Friendship" and the subject Is mex
haustibIe and eternaIly interesting as well-espe-
cially TO you-you will not shrink from it, even
though you see the dreaded spectre Advice, stalking
through the rose colored mist. CYou see am
going to scatter pretty figures through my homily.
I really want you to like IT'D
WelI-in Friendship. That's a subject girls
think they know all about. II I wanted beauti-
full essay on Friendship written from a high point
Of view. and tied with blue ribbon. I'd go TO you'
or TO Of the other girls know, and get 1t
within forty-eight hours 1t would be a good
essay. too with lots of truth in It. But as
working document-a constitution put into prac-
tice-it would be even less successful than most OF
our State constitutions.
You would like to know what the essay would
lack? Only enough life and experience to lower
point Of view. and bring you down TO the level
of your subject After years Of practice in friend
ship, you would longer talk of affnities and the
union Of souls; you would know that these things
only the beginning of friendship. and very often
the end of it, They are too volcanic; they don't
make enduring foundations. You would know that
friendship-like marriage itself-is study in adj
justments You must take off bit here and tit
in bit there; studying the requirements of the
other party. and often sacrificing your own. There
must be good balance; neither too much sacrifice
too much exigence either side. Of the two
extremes however. the latter is the worse and
that is the gist of my warning 20 you. You must
pull yourself up short and do little hard think
ing about life and individual rights. Be anything
but exacting!
For example, you think Helena is almost abso-
Iutey perfect. She isn't. and when you find that
out out you viii go to the other extreme and think
cheapest quality or SaWdust Qf there are degrees
in sawdust; there may be- Please believe from
the start that there is a lot of good human flesh
ana blood IN her. and that all flesh and blood has
Limitations, from the spiritual standpoint. And
don't say again that she is beginning to neglect
you-no longer loves you, and so Why did
you say it? Let me refer to your letter. Oh! She
hadn't written for two weeks and when she did,
she only signed, yours affectionately."
My dear girls, she may have had something-or
while besides you. Doesn't it occur to you that
her life is her own. AID not yours? And more that
Keep to your own place. ana don't jostle! No
booy NE vas mace ZOE you; ~ you Try 70 get az
pushed of the circle of her existence altogether.
1t was intended by Providence that she should
touch any number Of lives besides yours But the
little Of her circle that is yours can be yours
aRe oaTs Of T69 e M Gny her of hsve ali 6a
comes to her without pouting and pushing, and
Suppose it is true that she doesn't love you as she
did? Don't cry and call me cruel! II may be
true if you allow it TO be. Don't allow it. Go to
work and win her again. You will never keep any
Be sure of that It's the game it's where the fun
comes in. If you cry, you're out OF it. Laugh,
ahg g one ka6W 20 g on for the next @
You see, friendship is like everything else in the
is to keep it. And if you want to keep it youlI
adjust yourself to every new phase Of your friends
exigeante. ano you'll sigh and lament, and suspect
you know what the high ideal really is in friend
ship? Mutual adaptability ana unseishness.
That's all; think it over. Yours from the PEDESTAL