The Democratic advocate. [volume] (Westminster, Md.) 1865-1972, 1903-01-03
Seleft Storp.
THE WIDOWS ONE-HORNED COW.

When Farmer w atkins, WluOWer, solu
his farm on the Four Mile road and pur
chased one over on the county line along
side that of the Widow Hooper, his old
and new neighbors looked for trouble.
Farmer Watkins, who was more familiarly
known as "Uncle Jim," was very quick
tempered man, and always watching out
that no one stepped on his coat-tails; and
the Widow Hooper was a red headed wo-
man who had rights and was ready to fight
for them. As soon as "Uncle Jim got
settled in his new home he creased his
boots and put on clean shirt and went
over to see the widow He was Hospitality
received. He rather liked the looks of
the woman, and she was favorably i'm
pressed with him.
~ want to be neighbors and friends, y
he said. ''Tm willing to lend plows and
drags and rakes and hoes, and sha Mt have
no trouble over line fences or jumping
steers. I'm peaceful man, and [ want
to be at peace If my hens bother you,
you shoe en- back, and if yours bother
me IL shoe EN- back. If you'll make
soft soap for me, L make cider vinegar
for you, and | guess things will go on all
right. -
The widow replied to the effect that she
was patient and long suffering, and only
too anxious to live at peace with everybody
in Huckleberry county, and the two parted
with the very best opinion of each other
That opinion held for week. Then I'm
Gle Jim got up one morning to find one of
the widow COWS in his cornfeld 1t was
one horned COW and jumper. She had
sailed over six-rail fence to get to the
corn. There was some swearing as she
was driven out, but Uncle Jim held on to
himself better than could have been ex-
pected Three mornings later the one
horned cow was back again. This time
the swearing was louder, and the words
longer and Uncle Jim threw stones, but
he cooled off without any damage being
done. Two nights passed, and then the
rising sun shone on the body of the widows
cow again. She wasn't in the widows
barnyard, where she belonged, but in the
widower's s cornfeld, where she had eaten
her fill for the third time.
"Now, by the great gum canoe, but I'll
have her life y shouted Uncle Jim as he
observed the intruder; and as soon as he
could arm himself with stake he was after
her.
There are one-horned COWS who will
stand still and take pounding with meek
ness and humility, but this was not one of
them. She went galloping up and down
and across until she had trampled down an
acre of cornstalks and got Uncle Jim's
dander up to the shotgun point, and then
she sailed over the fence and took her wav
homeward. Breakfast was ready. but
Uncle Jim didn't wait to eat mouthful
He headed for the Widow Hooper house,
80 rods down the road, and he had lec-
ture on one-horned cows all ready to de-
liver As if enough had not happened to
raise steam to the danger point, he arrived
just as the widow was driving number of
pigs out of the yard. OF course, it hap
pened that one of the perverse animals
took a short cut and dashed at Uncle Jim's
legs and tumbled him over, and when he
rose up 10 men couldn't have held him.
"You-you own blamed old one horn
critter of cow, he shouted, as he stood
before the widow.
Eyes" she answered.
"And She jumped my fence-and eat
en- up my corn6eld-and damaged me
hundred dollars-and-
''Have drink of buttermilk and get
your breath back, said the astonished
widow.
81 won't do it l tell you your infer
nal camel with one horn has knocked down
all my corn, and you We got to pay for it,
or I'll give you dozen lawsuits And
when l come here to tell you about it, what
do you do? You set hog on me and
tumble me into the onion bed p
81 never set no hog on you p exclaim
ed the widow.
"Yes, you did, and don't deny it
Widow Hooper, I'll knock the other horn
off that cow p
'tDon't you dare to p
"PH knock her head off I'll have
her life it she ever steps on my land again
l want damages for that corn. and want
pay for being knocked down by scrub
hog T.
| when man begins to swing his arms
ana taik In threatening tones to red
| neaued "ioow who has been her own boss
ior severai years, ne is loading a torpedo
to explode under his own feet. It was not
i've minutes before Uncle Jim was being