Lincoln County leader. [volume] (Toledo, Lincoln County, Or.) 1893-1987, 1903-06-26

New York Journal.
Mrs. Stubbs-They have captured the
cleverest hotel robber in the country,
my dear. Mr.. Stubbs-Indeed! Which
hotel did he keep?
Anxious Mother-Tell me, doctor, is
1t a dangerous case? Physician-I
fear it is. He has breakfastfooditis in
in an advanced stage.-Judge
Miss Stayler-Everybody says I
don't look my age. Miss Pertleigh-
OF course you don't, dear. 1t would
be impossible.-Boston Transcript.
"And so Professor Gustavus has at
last discovered the missing link!
Where did he find it?' "Under the bu-
reau i stand."-Baltimore News.
Father-Are you and this Mr.. Simp-
son congenial, daughter? Daughter
Oh, yes, pa; he likes to hear me talk
about myself, and L like TO hear him
talk about himself.
Miss Whyley-I wonder If that Jones
woman is married or single. Miss No
tise-Oh, she Is married. for two Eas-
ters she has had the same hat.-Wom-
ans Home Companion.
Employer-Yes, advertised for a
strong boy. Think you will fill the
bill? Applicant-Well, just finished
lickin' nineteen other applicants out
in de hall.-St. Louis Star.
Point Of View.-"See here, young
| cot1 fIo nil LOT
paid me that fee for marrying you"
You're mighty lucky haven't sued
you for damages" s."-Tit-Bits.
Miss .Flyrt-Oh, yes, I've had nine
proposals since l saw you last. Miss
Newitt-Indeed And did you finally
reward his perseverance by accepting
him m?--Philadelphia Catholic Standard.
Quite Unlike: "Why, George, what
an enormous pile Of lettersv' exclaimed
the bride Of week; billets doux,
suppose" "No, my DEAR" replied the
other half Of the sketch; 'they are bill
lies overdue" News.
A Query: He-Here's a puzzle for
you. She-Let's have 1t. He-Give a
woman bunch of photographs to ex-
anime, including one of her own,
which one will she look at the longest,
and why?-Philadelphia Ledger.
Kitty-You didn't look bit pleased
when Fred told you you were the best
girl in all the world. Esther-Had
shown how pleased l was, 1t would
have so tickled his vanity that he'd
be saying the same thing to every girl
he met.
Tenant (angrily)-The cellar Of our
house Is full of rats. What are you
going to do about it? Landlord calm
ly)-Nothing. What do you expect for
seventeen dollars MONTH anyway-a
cellar full of white mice?-Chicago
Daily News.
His Miscue: 81 would be happy IL I
might just sit and look at you all
day" lie said. That's nothing" she
replied; II know people who would be
glad IL they might just sit around and
stare at nothing all day."-Chicago
Record Herald.
Positively Brutal: She-Just see
how much your little wife loves you.
She made this cake for you all by her.
self. He-Yes, darling, and now IL
you will eat it all by yourself shall
possess indisputable proof of your de-
votion.-Chcago News.
Young Lady Customer-I don't know
just what I want. Can't you suggest
something2 Clerk-Here's book I
think it might please you. 1t starts
out with the scene laid In England
and Customer-Oh, I don't care
how 1t starts. How does 1t end?-
Kansas City Journal.
YES" said the man from Georgia,
|, reminiscently, 81 remember the time
when slaves were worth three thou
, sand dollars a head" "Oh, that's moth
. ing" sneered the New York sexton;
what do you suppose the slaves of
fashion in my church were worth per
head OIL EasterT-Judge.
Appreciated: There was a very small
audience present, and 1t was rapidly
dwindling away. On the stage, the
hero and heroine are holding n rem
devious. Hero Ito heroine)-Are we
alone? Heroine thinking Of the audi
ence)-Not yet. There are two fellows
} near the door who look as IL they
might be able to sit through another
act.-Illustrated Bits.
Some one tells us Of a dude In a
horse car, who, seeing young lady
. whom he thought to be impressed with
: his personal charms, crossed over and
. took q sent beside her, and said: