The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1903-11-21
THE WEEKLY oR1sT.
The Humorous Tales Told by and
About 6taga PeonIa

Tim Murphy took the breath out of a
pompous swaggerer in st. Louis the
other day. He had an engagement to
dine with some of the exposition Off
Gals al a club out on Lindell boulevard.
AT the last moment his carriage did not
come. He had been standing at the
front door of his hotel waiting for it,
and when his time and patience We're
exhausted he turned rather snartly into
the hotel and asked the first person he
met: Can you tell me, please, the
I'm not the porter replied the con-
ceited swaggerer. Then" said Mr..
Murphy, why do you strut around this
lobby as if yoa were?"
Raymond Hitchcock, the comedian,
has been sought after by autograph
fiends for many years, but he is through
with signing his name promiscuously.
in The Yankee Consul the comic
opera by Blossom and Robyn, Hitch
cock received a letter from young wo-
man at a fashionable college near Bos-
ton, asking for his autogra phi.
He obligingly wrote his name on a
slip of paper and sent it OF her. After
the next matinee the autograph was
discovered in the box office. The bright
little college girl had written above
Hitchcocks name. Please give bearer
two Seats and she got them, too. Col
lege education for woman apparently is
a glorious success"
Two recently told Dockstader stories.
This merry minstrel star was crossing
from Jersey City to New York on one
of the ferry boats that steam over the
Hudson between these two cities.
In conversation with two of the deck
men Dockstader questioned them con-
corning the speed Of the boat they were
on.
This boat can go twenty-three miles
an hour was the reply.
"Twenty-three miles an hour-I can't
believe iti'' exclaimed DockStader, with
well simulated establishment, but with
a look in his eye that any friend of his
would know that he was about to
spring a joke or a pun
We'll. it's true, just the same,'' said
one of the men, in an injured tone, APP
parently hurt because his word had
been discredited. Why don't you be-
lieve it, Mr.. Dockstader?"
Because it's a ferry story" answer
ed the minstrel with a straight face,
witted man saw only the straight face,
as he walked away to attend to some
deck duty that required no quickness
of mind
AS Dockstader, few minutes later.
was passing him on his way across the
gang plank, the man touched the min
strel's arm, alphabetically, and said:
Honestly. Mr. Dockstader, this boat
does make twenty-three miles an hour"
This popular minstrel star relates one
of the many little stories that are ION"
the Englishman, reputed to be slow in
his appreciation of the American joke.
While touring the west a part of his
company was snowbound, and he was
obliged to give a performan nee in town
with the men he had with him. At the
hotel he came across an Englishman
who was visiting friends who lived
there. In the course of conversation
the manager mentioned the fact of his
being short handed as to his per-
formers.
st say" said the Englishman. eff
can be of any service to you, dear boy,
I shall be pleased. I've acted in amateur
performances, y know, so I'm not en-
tirely green on the staige. I'll go on
tonight If you'll rehearse me Bit
Dockstader was only too glad to have
his remnant of company increased by
even one, so during the afternoon he
put the Englishman through some of
the stage business. and rehearsed him
in the jokes that he was to perpetrate
upon the audience that night. Among
them was that good old perennial chest
nut about the dog and his pants"
Even though betraying his British ac-
cent, the Englishman acquitted himself
fairly well, under cover of burnt
cork until it came time to spring the
dog and-pants joke
Il beg pawdon, SIR he said TO the
interlocutor. but do you mind telling
me why the dog is one of the most Pc
culiar animals in the world2"
I'm sure I don't know" said the in
know you tell-7why is the dog the
most peculiar animal in the worId2''
Because replied the EngIishman.
his lungs are the seat of his trousers"
AproDos of stories about names, a
little one concerning William Collier
lis going the rounds. It saYoTs Of that