The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1903-06-14
MONEY NALADY
IS The LATEST
MyaIgia Attacking People In
Eastern States
DISEASE OF THE NERVES
Which Only Greenback PouI-
tiCe viii Cure
DISEASE OF THE NERVES

other side Of the big bridge when the
daily papers made that announcement.
The detective force at once glued or
false whiskers and began to haunt the
macaroni restaurants on the theory that
one of the Malta suspects had escaped.
Capt. Miles O'Reilly, Of the Ralph Ave
nue. Urecinct, drew his men up IN line
and warned them not to be deceived by
the suspicious-looking word. He had
been expecting some dark and mysterious
subterfuge like this.
There was little doubt that the willy
euchre players of Brooklyn were endeav-
Oring TO masquerade their manipulaitons
OF the right and left bower under this
startling and sonorous title.
Not until it was explained that myal-
gia is nothing more serious than the
medical term for muscular pain was
confidence restored, the baby-carriagc
blockade Ioosened up and the roar OF
traffic once more resumed in the arti-
iicial limb eInporums and cigar divans.
The physicians say that myalgia is a
pain. Those who have had it corroborate
the statement with the addition of GER
tain adjectives.
The pain is more or less severe, gen
orally of a neuralgia quality, and affects
such muscles as are subjected to a too
continuous exercise in a constrained po-
sitlon. Sometimes it is as painful as in
nammatory rheumatism. 1t is not of
as long duration. however, and is more
amenable to remedies.
Heretofore the disease has not distin-
guished Itse-- above the ordinary pic
torial complaints that afffict congress-
men who long to see their licensees in
the papers. But recently at a single
bound the obscure malady has easily
become the most aristocratic and sterling
of the entire list.
According to the latest bulletins myal-
gia-sire, Neuralgia, dam (the painD-
has appendicitis left at the halfway post
and neurasthenia relegated TO the chill
blain class.
1t attacks only those fortunate indi-
viduals who habitually handle large
amounts of ready money, and is quite as
painful a genuine case of govt.
Another recommendation it brings to
exclusive circles is that the patent medi-
cine firms have overlooked it's merits.
They have never printed any certificates
from young women with false bangs
who have been cured of myalgia, and
send their photos as an evidence of good
face.
Thus myalSia recommends itself to the
use of our wealthy citizens. It is a badge
of financial supremacy. 1t does not fasten
itself upon the hOi polloi like the base
born mumps, nor seize the sans culotte
in his slumber like the proletarian pleur-
isy. Get a doctors certificate that you
have myalgia and you have letter of
credit good anywhere in Wall Street.
The first victim to be honored by the
discriminating pain was Samuel II. An
drews, Deputy Collector of Internal Reve-
nue. Mr.. Andrews is in charge Of the
collection Of the legacy aud collateral in
heritance taxes at the Federal Building,
at Washington and johnson streets,
Brooklyn. In the course of his duties
large sums of money pass through his
hands.
On the Sunday following his seizure
the pain he suffered was so hatteringly
intense that he called in medical aid. The
physician at once diagnosed the case as
myalgia but admitted that it was in a
treatment Mr.. Andrews was relieved and
is rapidly recovering.
For the beneAt Of those suffering from
this distressing complaint, treatment
is here given which is believed to be the
most rational and successful yet found:
Bathe the affected muscles with a strong
solution Of chloride of gold. Pound $40
600 worth of United States treasury notes
TO pulp and bind on with new silver
certificates cut in strips TO restore the
circulation. Allow the poultice to draw
10 per cent-er-that is. ten minutes-re-
move. and throw away. Repeat every
nine minutes.
Not satisfied with one shining mark
myalgia bounced upon more prey. Next
time il was Frank Henderson. a cashier
in the Department OF Internal Revenue
Then others followed Of a less severe ma
ture. Mr.. Andrews and Mr.. Henderson
will take pleasure in hearing that the
pain they suffered was at least million
Ndollars a year greater than the mild
Sangs the other fellows had. 1t all de-
ponds on how much money you handle.
Myalgia affects principally the wrists
and hands. II is supposed 10 be caused
by a continuous strain on the muscles
caused by counting bills and handling
stacks of coin Some who have not
practised much with the coin will grasp
the idea by considering that the move
naent is the same as that employed in
showing a stack of whites onto the queen.
But II is a remarkable fact that player
Of faro was never known to have myal-
gia. The reason is that his muscular
exercise is not continuous. The dealer
assists him by removing the stack. thus
dividing the labor.
The wonder is that Mr.. Morgan. Mr..
Carnegie Mr.. Rockefeller and others who
manipulate colossal sums have escaped
she disease. Perhaps they have been
warned Of It. Aha, Why those trips to
Scouand-to Europe-to California?
With the advent OF new conditions,
new habits. new pastimes. always come
IN the large accommodations Of wealth.
The dead and buried Latin and Greek
have been resuscitated and are kept
busy coming new names for the new ills
as they develop. The average citizen Of
New York still manages TO set laid under
the sod by the good old fashioned means
of pneumonia. electric cars. typhoid and
chowder picnics. but the wealthy who
cen afford 10 tip Charon have a private
Etaterocm for the voyage across the
Stygisn ferry.
Is myalgia only q comparatively in
significant unit in the progression OF d. |
sea ses that vast boards OF money are
developing? May we expect 10 see it ex-