The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1903-01-25

advice of no German physician, II Is
an NJ, d, itself.
by the time man gets old enough
TO talk well he has learned the value OF
not talklag at all
ss.Iss
The government Of the United States
gives away each year to farmers seeds
to the value of 100000,
s.t.s
Ever notice that when a man asks
your opinion on a question he nearly
always Kicks On your decision?
.s,ss.
He's old; 10 longer people bow;
He's haggard. wan and needy;
In youth he "sowed his wild OATS" now
In age he's looking 'seedy,"
sosu
do you believe that egotism and
genius so togetherg"
Not always. There would be u lot
more genius Y they did"
s..sss
She-.How did Alice happen to marry
that man with one arm
He-oh. It's that craze she has for
remnants. She thought he must be .
bargain.
"Ifow 10 YOU spell needle. Bobby"
asked the teacher. ''H-e-i-d-l-e," was
the reply. Wrong" said the teacher,
there is no Il In needle" +" Well. then,
'tain't a good needle"
sss..s
Good gracious, man! DO iind you
reduced te playing cornet at the
street corner to make living"
I'm not doing this to make a living
My wife won't let me practice in the
house"
First Decorator--T advised him to
have his house decorated during his
wife's absence as a surprise.
Second Decorator-GOod Then we
Will have to do It all over again when
she gets back.
Poetry Is not made out OF the under
standing. The question OF common
sense is always. What Is II good for?"
1t Is a question which would abolish
the rose and be triumhantly answered
by the cabbage Lowell.
assIss
She-Go away, you nuisance! You
don't know when a woman Is we'll
dressed. He--Oh yes, do. It Is ,
when she is head and shoulders above
her gown, and when the lower part is in
the way a fellows feet.
tn.s
NO" grumbled the huRband in a
spasm OF confidence to friend. Il
have no place at all for my books. The
storage room Is kept exclusively for
my wife. She puts away those things
that are a trlle too good to be discard
ed, and scarcely good enough to use.
sstSss
Hi Br'er Jake, what struck you?
You look like you done had Il tus5lc
wild a wheat"
I has. l los my las cent in er
poker game las night, en- when | git
home Marth' Ann she git me inter an
ulder poker game en- skin what wuz
lcr."
Bobby was 7. He was examining
with critical eye the lew arrival in
the family and showing some signs Of
with the shiny head and
toothless gums.
well, Bobby" asked the nurse. how
do you like your new brother
Pretty WELL" was the answer, but
he's not finished yet"
ssssss
A Texas mans cotton was eaten by
the boil weevil and his corn destroyed
by drought. His only daughter eloped
with a vagabond and his son followed
the circus. On top Of this his wife
gave birth to triplets. He committed
suicide by the rope and rafter route.
and the coroner very properly returned
q verdict of justifable homicide.
!.l!!!!
The 10 most valuable buildings In
New York city, according to the new
are: Equitable building, |
80, 100000 Waldorf-Astoria, 100000;
Macy's store. ss.5OO,00O; Mutual Life
building, s6,37OOO0; Broad Street Ex-
change, $4,9OO,O0O; Stock Exchange. H,-
10000; Fifth Avenue hotel, 1880, 900;
Mills building, $4,000, 900; New York Life
building, S3.750,O0O; Empire
$3,750,000: Astor house, $780,
100.
s4sE4H
II once threatened to sue an old fell |
low IN Vermont for SO that he owed
\ client Of mine, said New York law
yer, but the threat did not seem TO
Impress him much.
what good will 1t do you to sue
ne?' asked the man.
" I will get the money answered.
Here the fellow came up close to
me and said, Say II that's so, cue me
'or $40, won't you, and give me the