Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1903-09-29
FROM THE CRADLE TO THE
GRAVE.

A dispatch from Chicago says: Here
in this strike ridden city one lives meath
the union label At the beginning ones
entry into the world is aided by the Ma
irons Midwives Union and slap goes the
label of this organization on his back.
If he be a bottle baby instead of, in the
language of Mr.. Micawber, drawing
sustenance from natures fount," the
label of the Gassbowers' Union is
stamped in the bottle, which contains
milk taken from similarly labelled bot
ties and delivered by the Amalgamated
Milk Drivers Association. Ash leaves
swadding clothes behind he steps into
garments in whose pockets are sewn the
labels of the Garment Makers Union.
Hat, shoes, underwear stockings, coat,
waistcoat and trousers bear that label
He walks on union laid carpet; he
bumps his head against union plastered
walls. Stamped on his furniture is
the label of the Furniture Makers Of
America. Before he eats his bread or
pie he must remove the pasty label Of
the Bakers Union. He must drink
union beer or none at all. In the street
his feet tread union laid pavements If
he moves his goods are carted away by
union truckman. An amalgamated
street car conductor takes his fare, and if
he goes to restaurant he is served by
waiter wearing the union button.
The union label is stamped on his cigar;
his Office boy tells him he wants day of
to attend an executive meeting Of the
Office Boys Band Society. II his wife
objects to having her clothes returned
as dirty as they went TO the wash
erwOman, the latter tells her she must
take them or be boycotted by the
Wash Ladies' Union. His wife doesn't
dare discharge the cook or the
chambermaid for fear Of the ban Of the
Cook Ladies Union and the Chamber
Ladies Association. Members Of
the Floor Swabbers' society and
the Waste Paper Basket Emptiers' As
sociation make his office tidy after the
days work. He must buy clean col
lar, because the Laundry Workers
Union is having a picnic He climbs
ten flights because the Elevator Run
ners' Association cannot have their an
nual outing and run elevators at the
same time. If his roof leaks, only a
union roof repairer can fix it, and while
he's arriving the ceiling is ruined. If
the water pipe bursts on a freezing
night, only plumber in good standing
in the Plumbers Union can mend it He
reads only union printed and bound
books he votes for President on union
printed ballots in a booth constructed
by union carpenters and erected in a
union barber shop. In the course of time
he sickens and dies. Union made crepe
hangs from his door his body lies in a
union made coffin. Flowers culled and
arranged by the Gardeners and Florists
Helpers union fill the room on the day
of the funeral. The body is taken to the
cemetery in hearse driven by member
of the Hearse Drivers union, and the
relatives and friends follow in hacks on
whose boxes are seated members of the
Hack Drivers union. The body Is
lowered into grave dug by union grave
diggers, and at the head of the mound is
erected a grayestone quarried by the
United Quarry Workers union. On it
is chiselled by the Gravestone Decora-
tors Division, A. F. L., the following;
Here lies his body;
A good man and able.
He lies as he lived,
Meath the uDiOn label