The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1903-10-13
IARGON OF BUSINESS
Commercial Letters Too Often
Weary When They Should Be
Gracefully Winning.
A Detailed Criticism on the Chicago
Letter Submitted to Journal !
Readers.

It seems passing strange that bust
ness men have such a fancy for the
commercial jargon Of your esteemed
favors,' ''the same and other hack
neyed and WornOut phrases and terms.
They cannot conceive how tiresome
they become to the common reader,
who sees them used formally in every
successive letter he receives; and if
he happens to receive many from the
same house, as in the case of mail
order business, the impression is like.
ly to be harmful in the extreme.
There is nothing wrong in speaking
of your esteemed favor but the ha-
bitual use Of the phrase on all oc-
casions shows poverty of words.
There are many natural and easy ways
of beginning letter.
Another almost universal fault is
the error Of grammar in introducing a
business letter with Replying to your
favor yet taking no pains whatever
with an adjective relation, to any noun
or pronoun; and often it is left as
sentence by itself-a sentence minus
subject and predicate. If letter be-
gins with replying the participle
should logically be followed by 1--WE
would say or the like, since ''we'' are
replying, and in reply we wish to say
necessary to begin a letter with 're
plying" .--".
Another trick of business men is to
clip out the pronouns. A letter begins
replying to yours of the Doth, would
say" etc. This trick is to letter writ
rng what mouthing and dropping syl-
tables is to conversation. 1t lacks dig
nifty, indicates a slovenly habit, the
exact reverse of that impression of the
well-bred man, with a vast reserve
power, who takes time to do a thing
we'll. =
A business letter is aesubstitute for
a personal interview, and should have
the qualities of the voice Of a good
salesman. It may be colloquial. Lit
erary stiffness is not in place. But
it should be correct, just as the con-
versation of a salesman should be cor
rect and it should be natural, pol
ished, winning. The first step toward
making business letter really easy
is to get rid of the stereotyped forms,
and to find natural substitutes for
those phrases which are used again
and again till they tire the reader of
the letter to death. :. r.
Many of T h Journ a Is readers,
who sent in a corrected version of a
Chicago letter submitted for their
criticism last week, succeeded in find
ing most if not all Of the real errors Of
punctuation, grammar, etc., but none
so changed the letter as to make it
easy and graceful, tactful and winning.
The following criticism shows to a
certain extent how this may be done.
Points already made have not been
repeated, even when the error has
been repeated. The student should
! try to reconstruct the whole letter so
that 1t will be easy natural and tact
ful-a letter that will bring a Gus
toner and hold him.
ORC oc1yo5 70
this criticism as general answer to
their letters. They will probably re-
ceiye individual replies a little later.
| ss~ H. The Original Letter. e..
81 f,:s&ssjs 1856 Wabash Ave, Chicago, =
~ July, ~ 80, 1903
Mr.. Henry Adams (2) ''
Is Sedalia st., st. Louis, NO., (3) "
Dear Sir (4)
Replying to your esteemed favors (5) OF
the 18th and Goth insts. (6), if you will
return the goods to US, we will refund
your money CD. We guarantee that the
material and workmanship of every CUR
we send out is (S) of the best.
! Replying to another letter of yours
which seems to have no date, please CO.
send us full description Of the camping
outfit you want. and we will GO) be very
GD pleased to quote you prices. You will
| find some excellent outfits described in oul
| catalogue on pages 1920.
| We note that you do not seem to under.
stand very we'll our methods of handling
and 10 of our catalogue G3) you will fine
some useful suggestions, which we would
be pleased to have you follow.
We are always very pleased G4) to re.
fund money if goods are not satisfactory
and to answer all inquiries promptly. d.
not hesitate to write us freely.
Trusting we can arrange the matter o,
OIL To md
your desires for camping outfits etc., we
remain,
j. Very respectfully Q5) yours,
| Simpkins & Co.
Notes and Questions.
| CD Observe the punctuation o:
the heading and date of this letter
No comma is required after the month
only after the day of the month
/ CD Always use some com1plimentar,
Henry Adams, Esq" use comma
| after the name. co At this poin
either a period or a semicolon may b.
used. (4) At this point either colon
: colon and dash, or comma and dash
may be used. 60 Do not always us,
the same time-worn form. Begin
your letter in an easy, natural way
and omit esteemed" except when i
is really required for some specia
reason. Say, for example, 1--WE hav
carefully read your letters of the 15tl
and 20th,'' ETC. (6) 'Inst.'' is a Latil
adverb and can have no plural form
}, (7) Notice that the first sentence o
, this letter is not logical or grammati
cal. 1t should read, Replying
: we would say that it, etc. Wha
error of grammar? Two subjects re
Il quire plural verb-are." (9) File
) out, this sentence reads, ''(We) re
plying (you) please.
dramatically incorrect. (1O) Us
: "shall''-does not mean, 1--WE are will
r ing to be very much pleased" I'll