Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-04-03
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Sarcastic: Guest-Waiter, bring me
beefsteak. A real large one, as my
eyesight is very poor.-Ex.
Economical Robbie: do you say
your prayers every night, Robbie?-
"No; some nights I don't want any
thing."-Ex.
Yeast-"It's hard to keep a good man
down." Observation-Disclosures why
they put such heavy monuments over
some of them, I suppose. ."-Yonkers
Statesman.
Softleigh-Are you quite sure Miss
Banks is not in? The Maid-Of course
I am. She gave me one of your photo
graphs in order to make me doubly
sure.-Chicago Daily News.
Bryan still seems to think he's very
much like Thomas Jefferson" "And
so he is." "Nonsensew "Fact The
only difference is that Jefferson is
buried. d."-Philadelphia Press.
. Mrs. Upjohn-"What beautiful floors!
ished" Mrs. Gaswell giving her the
icy glare)-'T don't. leave that to
the housemaid. id."-Chicago Tribune.
Lawyer-"Have you ever seen the
prisoner at the bar?" Witness-"No.
sir; but l have seen him many times
when strongly suspected he had been
at it."-Philadelphia Evening Bulletin
Mrs. Watts-Trumps-Oh, yes, we
had delightful time. We played
cards the whole evening. Mr.. Watts
Trumps-Nonsense, Lucy; we only
played between the anecdotes.-Tit-
Bits.
Lady Caller ito old family servant)-
Well, Bridget, did Master Arthur shoot
any tigers in India? Bridget-Of
coorse he did. Shure we have the
horns of the craychurs hung in the
halll-Punch.
ng.-She-'"How's the motor
car getting on, Sir CharlesY He
'Well, fact is, I've seen very little of
it. You see, I've only had it three
months, and when it isn't in the hospi-
tai, I am."-Punch.
eff you kiss me again, sir, shall call
my motherv' whats the use of that?''
said Chollie Freshe; you know I'd
prefer to kiss you, and, besides. your
father might object to nay kissing the
old Baltimore Herald.
A Vision Of Bliss.-Rastus-"Ah
dreamed oh heaben las night" Zeke
Io4 A,.S -I,1A 4o1y
like?" Rastus-"A monst'us big chick
en- roose in de middle OBJ a Watermil-
lion patchv'-San Francisco Bulletin.
Subbubs-We've got a new girl at
our house. Backlotz-Hah! It's easy
enough to get new girl, but can you
keep her? Subbubs-The doctor thinks
so. He declares she weighs nine
pounds at least.-Philadelphia Press.
Blessed sleep: "Supposing you
woke up some day and found yourself
a millionaire-what'd you do?" "Go
right to sleep again. so that the knock
ing of the tax assessors on the door
wouldn't annoy me.'-Baltimore Her
aid.
Satisfied Quite.-Nervous Old Lady
81 hope your horse is quiet. cabman.
What's she laying back her ears like
that for-look!" Cabby (complacently)
-''Oh. that's only her feminine curiosi-
ty, mum. She likes to hear where she's
a-goin' tor-Tit-Bits.
Why John Was Absent.-The follow
ing brief but explicit telegram was
sent from a nearby State to Georgia
recently: Reason John didn't git
home fer Christmas wuz-he stopped
in a hotel fer the first time in his life.
an blowed out the gas."-Atlanta Con-
stitution.
Tallent-What's this? Lost,
house dog; liberal reward will be
paid for his return" Why, man,
there's your dog out in the yard this
moment Gilfore-Yes; somebody'H
come along and steal him as soon as
that advertisement gets about.-Bos-
ton Transcript.
scribbler - "Confound it, Maria!
didn't tell you not to let the baby
touch anything on my desk?' His
Wife-"Well, you know I can't watch
her all the time. Has she done any
mischiefY' Scribbler-"I should say
she has! She's written a historical
novel."-Judge.
Public spirit rewarded: II see Sben-
son is assessed twice as much on his
personal property as he was last year."
''Yes; the assessor found out he was
the only man living in the block that
paid anything for having the street
sprinkled last summer, and we socked
it to him." Chicago Tribune.
81 see It's become so windy on the
corner where the Flatiron Building
has been erected in New York that
sometimes people are blown off their
feet" How humiliating it must be
for a New Yorker to be carried off his
feet by anything that doesn't come
from Europe. e."-Chicago Record-Her-
aid.
"Can't I sell you an encyclopedia 2"
asked the affable agent of the short