The Savannah morning news. (Savannah, Ga.) 1900-current, 1903-02-28
APPEALS of PENSION SEEKERS.
Some Original and Funny Pleas OF
Veterans
From the Washington Post.

Veterans.
From the Washington Post.
The average tale that is told in the
official papers that drift into the gov
eminent archives at Washington by
the thousands daily is what has come
to be known as human interest
story" There are dreary wastes of
platitudes and heaviness, wearisome
monotony and hard luck stories" ga
lore. But amid all these, relieving the
tedium of the rest, are bright bits of
unconscious humor, sharp sallies of wit
and expressions strikingly original and
funny. Strange as it may SEEM the
great bulk of the queer" among the
official mails reaches the Pension Blu
reau, that great natural Mecca of he
stories OF pathos and suffering. The
veterans have way of writing cpl
grammatic letters on occasion, and of
drifting into the late President Lin
coins habit of illustrating points with
anecdotes culled from personal expert
ence. The following from a man who
is something of a fatalist in his way
Will show peculiar vein of thought
and expression:
Il Alwase Been a Publican Party.
Il Alwase Saciated with it,
Il Been turned Down hi it.
Il Reed my Bibel.
Il find from it hel is doomed.
Il am also doomed.
Il Spoas must go to the Boanard.
Il Must Cloas"
Down in Smoky Valley, KY, lives a
veteran who evidently regards the re-
celpt of an official letter from Wash
ington as a mark of distinction and i'm
portance. Presumably, he wanted to
show the answer to his neighbors as an
earnest of his close relation to the pow
ers that be in Washington, for this is
what he wrote to the Commissioner of
Pensions, ad literatim and in toto:
Dear Ser: 1 haven't got nothin es-
pechel to write about but just thote I
would congratulate you on the effer-
cacy of your work in general and your
| standing as a high and onerbel gent
In perticlar. would like to have the
| oner of your repli in ten days written
on typewriter, &C.
1t is not to be supposed. of course
that pensioner or his witnesses are
masters of medical phraseology. Some
times, however, the veteran wanders
from the path of generalities followed
by most lay minds and gets the YER
nacular OF the medical fraternity mix
ed to rather ridiculous degree. Thus
the Following was discovered in the pa
PSlS AiCQ NY d Claimant VINO was seek
ing a pension under the general laws:
Paralysis of the right side has gradIf-
ally extended to adjacent parts of the
brain matter, causing paralysis of ap-
plication and intention" What he real
ly meant and what he was pensioned
for was paralysis of the right forearm
resulting from she'll wound.
Many man has been taught the
value of attention to detail, but ID is
not everybody who heeds the precept
But not long ago man who gives evil
dence of close observation and who
does not believe in glittering general
ties, had this to say in an affidavit
filed in pension claif to show the
widowed claimants financial standing:
- says upon oath that claimant
has only two horses and two cows. and
very young colt, a two-horse wagon,
worth about SIS. Had some other prop
erty when soldier died, namely two
mules, one team of horses, one heifar
and one steer One mule died. one
heifer was killed by lightning. The
remaining mule was sold to defray fun
eral expenses and other debts. one
horse was taken sick, after which was
not worthy of attention since that time
and the horse was given away. The
steer was sold to pay doctors bills ana
other debts, and further affiant states
not"