Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1903-12-05
HOW NOT TO CARVE.

81 hope" said his wife at the breakfast
table on Thanksgiving day morning, that
you will try to carve the turkey gracefully
this time
crafty CLEAN in his eye.
At the Thanksgiving dinner the year be-
fore his wife had compelled him to remain
without food from breakfast time, at
O'clock IN the morning. until the dinner
hour. at o'clock in the evening. BY the
time his guests had arrived he was In such
a state of feroeity from hunger that they
found him hunched UP in a library chair,
nervously twiddling his thumbs. and won
dering IL It wouldn't be a good scheme Tor
him to burn down the house to get the ier,
niture insurance. Then, in that physical
and mental state, he had been compelled to
tackle the job Of carving turkey meat for
six guests, not counting his wife and him.
self. By the time he had finished carving
the dinner was pretty nigh over, and the
guests were shooting side glances at the
dumb waiter, wondering when the dessert
and coffee were going to make their ap-
pearance.
He had resolved that nothing of this kind
was going to happen at the Thanksgiving
dinner in the year 1903. Thus the crafty
CLEAN in his eye at the breakfast table on
Thursday morning last.
Il believe" his wife went on that there's
a book or a pamphlet about How to
Carve'-Ive heard Of 1t somewhere. Don't
you think 1t would be a good thing for you
to get It? You'll have lot of carving to
do during the coming season, you know
Christmas and New Year and lots of other
days when we shall have guests"
''Ye-eh." he replied, burying his face In
the paper, and then, seeing that there was
no further use in attempting to pick talk
out Of him. she gave 1t up
At noon on Thanksgiving day, and again
an hour or so later. he began to browse
around with hints to his wife that sand
witch and a cup of tea would be about the
right thing-that 1t was going to be a ter
rible long wait for the o'clock dinner. he
feared
Eyes. and spoil your appetite. so that
you'll Just sit at the dinner table and pick
no. indeed" she replied. go out to the
races: and by the time you get back every
body will be here, and everything will be
ready, and then you'll have "a good, keen
appetite for your dinner"
When he got back from the races at
ha9-past 5 he was pretty hungry-losing
money. somehow or another. makes folks
hungry-but he was pretty light In spirit.
The gloom which enwra 3 heads of fam
lilies who have carving jobs at festive home
dinners ahead of them G. in't appear to be
his
The guests had arrived-three married
couples. The women were with his wife.
who was experimenting the dinner and he
found the three men in his smoking dive,
telling eacl Otner now near tuey Hdu cOHe
to playing 60 to / shots straight at the
track that afternoon, for they, too. had
been to Benning.
About two minutes before 6 o'clock the
front door bell rang, and the head of the
house hustled to answer the ring himself.
He let in a raw-boned young man, with
loud checked suit under his plaid ulster, and
wearing a green-and-yellow crocheted four
finland tie that was marvel of oriental
color blending The raw-boned young man
wore, besides, an ear-to-ear grin. The
head of the house took him to the smoking
den, and, preceding him into the room,
winked sagely at his three male guests.
The wink gave them to understand that
there was something doing.
Gentlemen" said the head of the house
to his friends, "let me introduce Mr..
Michael Mulhooly.''
They all bowed cordially
'Howdy, gents" said Mr.. Mulhooly. The
head of the house helped him off with his
plaid ulster, and he took seat on the
edge Of a Chair, Illuminating the room
with his cheerfl grin. ..ri.'
A moment later the dinner bell tinkled.
The head of the house led his guests to
the dining room. Mr.. Mulhooly brought
up the rear, looking somewhat sheepish,
but business-like. 80.
The hostess and the three women guests
were standing smiling at their places around
the table.
'I.ao.es," said the head of the house.
Michael Mulhooiy." - ~.
They all looked momentarily surprised.
his wife particularly. But they inclined
who made short duck with the upper part
of his body. Aside from the fact that Mr..
Mulhooly seemed to be at a loss as to what
to do with his ham-like hands and his large
feet, he appeared to be fairly at his ease.
The hostess looked at her husband in a
questioning sort Of way, but he declined to
permit her to catch his eye. .s, = -.
The turkey was already smoking on the
tai at no hosts n1aca He gently r,ilSbp6
Mr.. Mnihooly to his place at the head of
the table. while he himself stood to one
side, with his hands in his pockets, rat
ting his change and keys, and looking
happy.
Mr.. Mulhooly picked up the carving knife
and fork-and then the guests and the
hosts wife understood. and broke into
chuckles. -.-t- ~
Inside of just three minutes the scientific
Mr.. Mulhooly. the capable assistant to a
dealer in fowls at the big market, had dis
membered that turkey and trimmed 1t with
the experiences of Siwash Indian trim
ming a Columbia river royal Chinook sal
mon. All that the head of the house had
to do was to standby and serve out and
pass around the portions.
'Scuse me, ladies an gents said Mr..
Mulhooly when he had finished his fine
carving job, and then he retired with an
other duck of the head. The head of the
house followed him into the hall, and hand
ed him IS note.
That's the biggest five dollars worth I
ever got in my life. Mike he said to the
skillful Mr.. Mulhooly. Remember, now, to
keep all of your holiday dinner dates open
I'll need you"
Mr.. Mulhooly went away and the host got
back to the dinner table in time to begin
to eat dinner with his guests. His wife was
at first inclined to gaze reproachfully at
him: but when all of the guests vociferous-
ly applauded the scheme and demanded
Mr.. Mulhooly's address. and declared that
the plan was way ahead of the business of
having the head of the house hate them
with a deep, vindictive hatred the while he
carved a fast-cooling turkey, she relented.
II thought I'd go you one better, my
dear" he said to her after the guests had