Evening journal., 1903-07-31
CAUGHT AT RANDOM

o
] Chicago we could put up building like
that and have it all to pieces. al within
five years"
Pa. what's the difference between
statesman and a oolitician?y
oh, it's about the same as the diff
ference between Governor Yates and
and-and well ] can't think Of the other
fellow just now"
Russell Sage is not worrying about
The trouble in the stock market WHY
should he? When there is trouble RUS
seil makes money by it.
A specialist who examined the son OF
King Peter of Servia, finds that the
youth is degenerate. That young man
was destined for a European throne.
To get a nice polish on eyeglasses
moisten with alcohol and polish as
usual with chamois. BY this means
all grease is removed.
enough to be considered a whole one /"
She looked the football player over
critically.
why do they call him a half back?"
she asked. His back is certainly big
Mrs. Oldun-All you young girls
nowadays seem to be muscular athletes
Miss Strong-Yes, indeed. In the
proud lexicon of feminine youth there
is no such word as "frail",
If you allow house plants. or rather
the pots containing them, to stand i'm
saucers containing water that has
drained through the pot, rotting Of the
roots will result.
The number Of claims for pensions
filed for injuries in our 1OO-dav wa,
with Spain is now $4,000. and al the
present rate there will soon be half
as many claims as there were men in
the war, although but 10000 went to
cuba and but two or three regiments
to Porto Rico.
The Minnetonka. built at Cleveland
for seacoast trade being longer than
the locks in the Welland canal. was
dry-docked at the head of the St. Iaty-
renee system and cut in two. The rear
half steamed through the canal,
while the forward half was towed.
Miss Gusch-Ah' what a lovely sun
Miss Nuritch-o but that must be
n sunrise.
Miss Guseh-Nonesense! why do
you say that2
Miss Nuritch-1ts on the east side
Of the room, you see.
Mrs. Newliwed-I got hold Of a
recipe for a fruit cake today. dear. that
will keep for week.
Mr.. Newliwed-Ol you ought TO keep
II longer than that
Mrs. Northumberland a fruit cake
that -
Mr. Newliwed-No the recipe. Put
il away somewhere.
Willie-We had our prize examina-
tion at school today. ma
Ma-And did you get anything. my
son?
willie-Yes'm; I got cipher
Mrs. Starvem-There doesn't seem
to be any pleasing you. Mr.. Sharpe.
You say you don't like steak for sup
per.
Mr. sharpe-No, ma'am; you see 1
have TO use my arms so much at my
work during the day that they're very
tired when / get home at night.
you should have heard the ridicu-
lous answer she made when 1 asked
her II she knew you" said Miss Diggs.
"She doesn't know me very well"
replied Miss Plumpton. who was sensi-
tive about her weight.
yes, but the idea of calling you a
slight acquaintance"
MY" exclaimed young Aver. Il
wish I could bring this advertisement
to the attention Of my miserly old
uncle without his suspecting my hand
in IT,"
What is it?" asked Chumley
"An undertaker's ad. announcing
cut-rates for one month only"
Mrs. McCall-So that splendid SER
want of yours has been married? Did
she get good husband?
Mrs. Needham-Yes. I'm afraid so.
Mrs. McCall-Afraid so?
Mrs. Needham-Well. you see, II he
would only treat her badly she might
come back to u.s.
SO far this year the contracts let foi
the construction of new railroads
aggregate 1876 miles. against 6,O2t
miles built I'm 1902.
Willie-Pop. who is that big man?
His Papa-He is a well-known Grim.
inal LAWYER my son
Willie-Then why don't they put hin
in Jail?
Edward Davis. for several years pas
tor of the Central Christian Church. o
Oakland. Cal. has forsaken the pulpi
and entered upon a stage career. HI
has written "a play with a purpose.
and Will himself assume the leading
role.
Ruskins favorite adverb, as hi
I readers have often noticed. was zen
, tirely.". over the grave of his fathe
he put a memorial stone describing tn
) elder Ruskin as IAN a.tfely homes
1 merchant" A friend of his s2ys tina
ne once described the mothti of
\ certain notorious ill-doer as IAN entire