Arizona republican., 1903-04-12
Copyrighted, 19O,, by Robert Howard
Russell)

form f'r himsilf. It's plain unyfirm,
but nate. A chapeau with a long
graceful feather in it, broadcloth
med with American eagles in goOld,
vest ~ tn same mateeryal, pantaloons
iv pale blue with a dilycate goold
sthripe four inches wide tn outside
seam, wan hip an two side pockets,
thirty-eight chest. forty-fve waist.
! Tn ambassadure VIII carry a handker-
chief iv tn star spangled banner with
tn rile arms in corner an will wear
upon his shirt front TIL device: e
ploCrfbus unum. American ambassa-
dure. Use no hooks
What does he want With a UNIFORM
anyhow" asked Mr.. Hennessy.
We'll. it's . long an sad story"
said Mr.. DooIey. Bear with me While
tell it We or do not. as ye please. III
! tell ii anyhow. Ye see. in tn ariy
days " this raypublic. no wan cared
what an ambassadure wore so long ~
it had pockets enough to carry away
what he got f'r his beloved country
firm tn effect monarchies IL tn Of
wurruld. I've seen pitchers ~ Binja-
min Franklin. who was that thick with
Looey, king iv France, that he cud call
on him amy hour iv tn day or night,
an Binjamin Franklins UNIFORM waa
fur cap an q pair iV specs. In thin
simple days Whin tn fathers iv tn ray
! public wanted to sind a man abroad to
| skin a king, they put their heads to-
gether an picked out a good, active
thravelIin' salesman kind " man. Tn
fathers iv tn raypublic was mosiy
| in tn fish lie business an knew tn
! cap'ble men in thrade. Who'll we sind
to Fr-rance?' says Thomas Jefferson.
This here 1natther iv tn Loosyany
purchase has got to be delicately ham
died or we won't get all tn best iv it
he says. I suggest Obadiah Perkins /"
| Newburypoort,' says Jawn Adams.
Has he had amy diplomatic eXpeery-
ence?' says Pathrick Hinnery. wanst
see him sell a barl " tin-pinny nails
to lady that come to tn store to buy
q pound iv sody crackers says JaWn
Adams. Hes our man. says all tn
others. an Obadiah Perkins got TIL job.
He packed a collar an an eXthry pair
| iv socks in a bag, took along a copy
iv TIL Westministher Confissyon an
started out At eight o'clock he landed
in Paree: at eight eight he knocked
down coort chamberlain an a jawn-
nydarrn an landed in tn lap iv Looey
TIL Magnificent-b but Tired. At nine
O'Clock tn monarch had given him =
goold watch, a jooled snuff case, a fin
ger ring an a soord, had signed deco
thransferrin' tn Change All Aisy u
tn American people who have owned
it to this day, an was in fits iv laugh
: COO1lp,. ~
Salem which Ambassadure Obadiah tot
him in tn perfect Fr-rinch he had
picked UP firm tn cook iv TIL snip
goin' over. Afther that Obadiah was
all right. He had his feet undher tn
kings mahogany ivry day at dinner
an on tn mahogany most ~ tn rest II
tn time. He inthrajooced rockln'
chairs in tn rile palace an taught tn
/ Fr-rfnch nobility how to rock without,
/ failin out. No wan cared how ne
dhressed. He attinded tn coort ray
options in a jumper an leather
breeches He blowed in his tay 10
| make it cool an afther that all tn
Fr-rinch arrystOcracy cud be seen
BLOWN into their tay. He wore a max
that had shtud him in good stead
| through tin hard winters on tn road
an tn gr-reatest mobiles in France
! took to sittin' on their hats befure goin'
out. to make thin look like tn Hat
! Obadiah which had become tn style
An whin he wint away, Which he dlf
not because he was not SUCCESSFUL Dut
because he needed fresh fine cut he
was followed to tn boat be tn king an
all tn rifle family.
Thin was tn modest days ~ ia
raypublic, Hinnissy. It's diff now
that we've become wurruld power
TIL sufferin's iv some iv our ambassa-
dures on account ~ their clothes has
been turr'ble. l was r-readin tn sad
case " tn ambassadure to Rooshya
TIL Hon'rable Charleymayne Tower ~
Phillydelphy, Pa. If 1 had that name,
divvle a car wud scare me. I'd ask
FIR no UNIFORM. TIL name itself is
uniform enough. Some names sounds
like overalls; some sounds like long
coat an a high hat, but Charleymayh@
Tower sounds like TIL clothes boss
knights timplar wears iVry three years
1t has forty pounds iV epaulets on It's
shoulders. It's tn kind iv a name Gin
raj Miles wud like to wear fr a uny-
form. If I had that name I'd go to tn
palace in a sheet an iXpict tn guards
to fall down on their faces. But all tn
time he was in Saint Petersburg, Char
leymayne Tower suffered tn gr-reatest
torture on account iv tn clothes he had
on an tn clothes he didn't have OF.
He had no UNIFORM. At coort raycip-
lions he looked like plain clothes man
at a fancy ball He was enable to PEI
form amy iv TIL gr-reat jooties lV al,
ambassadure. Ivry shtep was blocked
he his miserable attire. He was double
crossed be tn lowliest iv diplomats who
were entitled to put on glad brlghe
things whin they wint to see tn ear.
Wan day he come rollin' up to tn pal
ace carryfn' in tn tail iv his simple
black coat a mos important threaty.
He had made NANNY attimpts to nave
this threaty signed be tn Car but IN,
Car had always spurned him OWN 10
III Vaccinations " Lord Ronald, tn
| a,,ba 5Jra an N6ecONt