davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-10-14

The bishop of-neyer mind where
being n newcomer and being somewhat
troubled with n neglected diocese,
thought TO inspire his clergy to take
occasional services during the week by
periodically visiting and taking one
himself. On one of these occasions,
having found quite good congrcga-
ton and having been moved to much
eloquence In his sermon. he felt not
unnatural desire 10 know If he had
made any impression on the usually
unlmpressionable yokels. So he put
some leading questions to an old clerk
who WIS helping him To unrobe In the
vestry.
well, | hope they've been pleased
with yer" said the old man putroniz
lngly. "und am sure we takes it VERY
kind o yer worship to come down and
preach to us; but yer know. worsser
one would have done for the likes Of
us, If 30 be-" he added with becoming
humility, cone could he found Lon
don Tit Bits
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-10-14
SCRAPS OF SCIENCE.

An electric pickpoekot alarm has
been invented by man In Manches-
ter, England.
The experiments of Muller prove that
IL microbes be placed In n gun barrel
the wound made by II bullet fired from
II would be infected by the microbes.
Commercial phosphorus Is satisfac-
torily made by mixing the fincly pow
dered phosphate material with+ carbon
and sand In the electric furnace and
then, when heated, dIsiillinS the phos-
phorus from the mass and collecting
II under water
Such common substances as sugar
glucose and chalk having been found
to absorb sunlight NIL day aud to give
II off in rays during the night, the dis
covery OF some means for rendering
these rays useful In illuminating
houses Mt night with little expense
seems n possibility of the near future.
The thorium atom, universally be
ievcd since its discovery by Berzelus
thrcc-quarters Of century ago to be
Il single md indlvisible particle of
matter now appears ms the progenltor
Of Ave new substances, even more ele-
mental than itself, evolved by success
sve and spontaneous changes within
Its substance.
The scientific reason Cor the popping
OF corn has bee. investigated by Pro-
fcssor Kracmer OF Philadelphia, who
finds Fiat the endosperm Is more or
less translucent and horny and its cells
contain closely arranged polygonal
starch grains having n central raretied
area. The degree of the expansion of
these cells depends upon the relative
amount of water and air In the grain.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-10-14
tHE CUSTOMS OF NORWAY.
sunday Begins Saturday Night and
In Time For Pleasure.


One marked characteristic of the PEG
pie of Norway is their intense and
artistic love of flowers, They never
heap them in iudiscriminate masses
but the poorest peasant woman will
gather few of the wild blossoms
which grow at her door and arrange
them In glass at her window With
an exquisite taste and feeling which
are good to see. The custom obtains
with high and low, and flowers are
rs necessary 10 II Norwegian dinner tn
BILE as the food.
The religion of the country is Luther
III, but Sunday Is not observed with
Puritan strictueSs, for the settlements
are small and far apart SO that the
hard worked pastor must travel miles
from one TO another, and even In sum
mer service IL only held once In three
weeks.
Sunday begins ON Saturday night, SO
that Sunday evening is II time for
pleasure. and wherever squeaky mu-
sic,,. Instrument can he found the peas.
ants will dance together In the street
The men dance together rs well MS
with the women, Ernsping each 9th.
er's shoulders and whirling round and
round like dizzy human tops
A wedding Is II frstivity for the PEG
pie for miles around. 1t Is celebrated
ut the nearest village church, and the
guests row in enormously long boats
across the ford wearing gay eolored
dresses The bride and bridegroom
bring 10 the ceremony the silver spoons
which We're presented to them when
they We're chrlstcncd These are then
linked together by silver chuin aud
are hung up in the new home TO Ike IN
heirloom for coming generations
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-10-14

Political economists have told us
that self interest is the handspring of
industry. 1t is not true. Love Is the
handspring Of industry. 1t Is love for
the home and the wife and the children
that keeps all the busy wheels of in
dusiry revolving, that calls the factory
hands early to the mill, that nerves
the arm of the blacksmith working at
his forge, that inspires the farmer at
his pillow and the merchant at his desk,
that gives courage to the soldier and
patience to the teacher.
Erskine was asked how he dared, as
an unknown barrlster. fnce hostile
court aud insist on his right TO be
heard. Il felt my children" lie re-
piled, "tugging at my robe and saying,
Here is your chance, father, to get us
bread" 1t Is this vision of the chill
dren dependent ON us that inspires US
all In the battle of lfe.-Rev. Lyman
Abbott in Atlantic.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-10-14
HAD A FIXED INCOME.


a lawyer who formerly practieed his
profession in Georgia tells in the New
York Telegram this amusing case
which he once tried in that state. lie
was then Il student in the office of his
uncle, Colonel Culver, who figured in
local politics. \ thrilling" negro. Ben
Sutton, had been arrested ut the in
stance of his wife. who was tired of
supporting him and insisted that the
court make him work:
defended Ben at the instance OF
my uncle, who was. l am sorry TO say,
inclined TO curry favor with the col
Orcd voter. Ben was on the stand,
und | was examining him.
Now, Ben" | said. amanda de.
clarcs In her complaint that you don't
give her any money. and
DAT ole woman's arays complain
In" interrupted my client.
Yes, | know, but what I want to
nsk you is: Are you able to support
her? Have YOU any income that Is,
any fixed incomcY'
Ben looked puzzled l tried TO ex-
pun anu ltitl Nun Niitil u hAth ii''ihN
was an income on which person
could rely absolutely, not one contIn-
gent on odd Jobs In other words, n
certainty. My uncle was sitting Mt my
elbow coaching me, and | thought /
was doing right we'll "Now, tell the
court" ! concluded. have you fixed
income?'
"Ycssar," answered the black scamp.
The answer almost took my breath
away, for had not counted on 1t.
"Whatr' | Numbered. you mean TO
say that you. Ben Sutton, have Il
steady, reliable and fixed income on
which you can absolutely dependY'
"Ycssar"
"What Is it," | gasped In despcra-
ton.
"Well, sar you see" returned Ben.
Colonel Culver. thar, nrays guys me
TO bits nm sack Nv flour on ever
iIprtion 1nyn
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-10-14
LEFT HANDED WlCKEONESS.
Results of an InusuaI Investigation
by Professor EOmbroso.


Professor Ccsarc LombroSo, the ltal-
ian scientist skilled In detecting traces
of abnormality, explains in the North
American Review the impcrfcctions of
the left handed
People who are more agile with the
left than with the right hand are most
numerous among women. children,
savages and criminals" The percent.
age is about 1 per cent among men
Operatives and soldiersl, ; to s per
cent among women and about the
same among lunntiCs.
hut among criminals Professor Mar
70 found Is per cent of the men and -
per cent of the women left handed.
Swindlers offered a greater percentage,
no less than 80, and murderers and
ravishers only from 10 10 per cent.
Professor IombroSo also discusses
the fur more complex subject of left
sidedncss." Certain people are more
sensitive upon the left side than upon
the right This condition has no con
ncctlon with left handedncss and is
highest in lunatics, Al per cent.
Parrots are left handed, and SO are
lions. Rollet found in twenty
monkeys the left shoulder heavier than
the right
Women, children and primitive races
make gestures and simple movements
from right To left. This Is why WON
On button their garments in different
direction from men and why early
languages, like the Arabic, are writ
ten from right TO left. Very old chro-
nomctcrs We're wound from right TO
left, not from left TO right. as at pres
ent
However, Professor Lombroso hedges
by saying: cone can without difficulty
find among good men real left handed
ness, as among the greatest eyldoers
there are some who have not that char
actcristic. | No not dream Mt all of say
Ing that all left handed people are wick
ed, but that left handedness, united TO
many other traits, may contribute to
form one of the worst characters
among the human species"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-10-14
MAKE EXERCISE A HABIT.
An Easy and simple Way of Securing
Health aud Good Looks

Health and Good Looks.
Exercise is much more necessary to
human life than most women think.
Healthy stimulation is an absolute
need; without 1t the body viii rust
and fall TO bits. The baby that never
crccps about or kicks or exercises at
all either wastes into tiny midget OF
bones and wrinkles or else takes on
pounds of unhealthy fat and becomes
soft and short breathcd and without
Vitality.
The brain that never calls upon It
self for work must become dull and
stupid, and ii is the same way with
the muscles of the body. They are
filled with blood vessels that should
be up and doing. The blood has sew
eral purposes, aud one IS to carry away
much of the waste fluids of the body.
The lungs are sort of refinery, and
the blood Is n distiilng agent. If the
blood becomes thick and unhealthy and
sluggish the body does not keep Its
youthful state. Eyes grow dull; lips
lose their rcdness; the complexion is
sallow and unlovely.
1t is an easy and simple matter to
make exercise habit-just like the
habit of putting out the lights at night
and wondering IL burglars Will show
mp before morning.
A most excellent scheme is TO take
long. slow full breaths whenever you
have n chancc-whcn you are waiting
for car. when you are walking, when
you are going TO sleep, when you have
Just awakened.
Such habits are valuable, most valu-
able. but because they don't cost any
thing and are n little trouble lots of
women fancy there is nothing in such
practices. Nonsensel Look at the ath-
letIc men that train. They are the
hcalthiest, strongest, finest looking
creatures in existence.
Go thou and do likewise ON little
scale Chicago Record Herald.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-10-14

AVA gambler what l hcerd had
come to town. Pappy went down
early tonight to get in the game with
him. Say, Mr. Mason, did yer see my
pappy down thercY"
Il don't know, really. Who
"l.orry." she interrupted. Ole man
Lorry they calls him, mostly. hid yer
see him aroundY"
Come to think of 1t, l did" He
smiled blandly upon her to conceal a
rising uneasinesS.
"Was he drunk" she continued
frankly.
"N-no. didn't notice that he WAS"
lie warn't gamblin' with that
hound Gentry. was heg"
No" said the hound heartily. Cen
try left town today, | hear"
"Thats good" She smiled at the
gambler. shading her beautiful eyes
with deep fringe of upenrled lashes
Hell only come home drunk, then"
she added penslvely. Il don't mind
TINT Never had to manage man, did
yer, strangerF'
"Only myself" he laughed.
Then yer don't know nothin about
ii the trouble, ! mean. Pappy's an
ole fool He don't know no more about
playln poker II tendcrfoot, an he
thinks he knows 1t all He-he"- She
hesitated.
Well" he encouraged her.
Jaw nothin', only he made strike
little while ago. II warn't much of a
strike only IL couple of thousand an
he promised to send ME back east to
the home folks. you know next week. :"
"And?" said Gentry softly,
"'rhat was the money he took to gam
bile with" she laughed IA trifie harshly.
said he'd send me back In style with
his winnin's Well. 50 longs Gentry
amt there reckon | may get chance
10 get some book learnn', after all If
l can keep him home till next week.
Coin already. stranger"
YES. must hit the trail early TO
morrow. Miss Iorry."
WAL so long If yer see the ole
man start him along home, Will yer?
Thanks, an good night to yer, MIR Ma.
SON"
Some distance down the trail the
gambler stumbled over the PROSTATE
form of man With something of Il
itrong prcsentlmcnt Gentry turned the
body over and lii match to see the
face
II was old man Iorry. hopelcssly in
tox.cated sleeping the dend sleep of al
eohol.
"There's most of my fifty" remarked
the gambler grmly. ITS like throw
ing good money utter bud. I'm Il
darned fool"
To prove his assertion he took from
his wallet the bills of which he had
robbed the miner and stuffed them In
| the lAtter's pockets. Then he helped
him to hiS feet, meaning TO see him
home To his wonder Gentry found
that the man once afoot, was able TO
walk after II fashion. He lurched
along unsteadily. but madc progress to
ward his cabin
The gambler followed him to the
clearing, stepping noiselessy, then
turned and went back for his horse
and his last glimpse of IIealy's.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-10-14
Minerals and Life.

The base OF nutrition In all living
beings Ii oxygen. water, salts. carbon
and nitrogen. Forster tried to feed
dogs on organic substances deprived OF
nearly all their mineral matter Death
from starvation occurred sooner than
II the dogs had been completely with
out food. N. Herrera snys In Revue
Sclentifque. Parts, Living beings are
but aggregations OF mineral substances
and biology Is but chapter in min
eralogY"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-10-14

The juice of the green pineapple IL
accredited In JAVA, the Philippines and
throughout the far east generally with
being blood poison OF most deadly
nature. Health mentions 1t as the
substance with which the Malays poi
son their creeses and daggcrs and MS
the Ginger nail' poison formerly in
use among aboriginal Jayanese women
almost universally. These women cul-
tlvated a nail on each hand to long,
sharp point. and the least scratch from
one of these was certain death.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-10-14

l especially remember Emile de Gil
rardin editor, spouter, intrigucr-the
Grand Emile who boasted that he
invented and presented to the French
people a new idcn every day. This
futile activity OF his always seemed TO
me best expressed In the American
smile, "Busy as n bee In Il tar barrel"
There WINS, indeed, one thing to his
credit: IIe had somehow inspired his
former wife, the gifted Delphine Gay.
with belief In his greatness, and II
pretty story was current illustrating
this. During the revolution of 1913
various men of note, calling on Nine.
GirnrdIn. expressed alarm Mt the prog
ress Of TINT most foolish OF overturns,
when she said, with an air of great
solemnlty and pointing upward, Gen
tlcmcn, there Is one above who watches
over France" C'Il y I'M In -haut qul
ycile sur In France.") All were great
ly impressed by this evidence OF sub
lime faith until they discovered by the
context that 1t was not the Almighty
In whom she put her trust, but the
great Emile, whose study was just
above her parlor.-Andrcw ID. white in
Century.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-10-14
Quaint Remedies.

Among members of the Greek church
In Macedonia the following recipes are
regarded as highly useful: TO pacify
ones enemies write the psalm known
In Judea," dissolve It In water and give
your enemy TO drink thereof, and he
will be pacificd. For n startled and
frightened man take three dry chest
nuts and SOW thistle and three glnsscs
OF old wine and let him drink thereof
early and late Write also 'In the be
ginning was the word and let him
carry It,
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-10-14

Euclid, who Is sometimes called tho
father of mathematics, taught this
subject In the famous school ut Alex
andrla. Being asked one day by the
king of Egypt Ptolemy Soter) whether
he could not teach him the science in
Il shorter way. Euclid answered in
words that hive been memorable ever
since, "Sire, there is no royal road to
learning" Not many scraps Of CONVEX
sati0n have lived. rs this reply has. for
200 years.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-10-14
Promoter. o., Co.rnx.

Spartacus-W Women are great incen-
tive to manly courage.
Smarticus- right Since I've
been married and had few Tits with
my wife tbS prospect OF scrap with
the meanesi man on earth Seems like
mere child's play to me.--B Baltimore
American
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-10-14

Our ancestors were more lndulgent
and respectful to the cccentrlcitles Of
men OF genius than IL the present
generation. Byron was accepted and
patiently tolerated when he chose to
SIT In moody silence throughout din
ner party given In his honor, scowling
contemptuously at the delicious food
before him, while he slipped vinegar
and munchcd cracker.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-10-14
Hx MAY afaLeaaon.

zone OF our cars ran over another
man last night" announced the super
intendent Of the street railway line.
'Well." replied the president. after
awhile the people viii learn that the
only safe place Is aboard the car and
that cents Is q small price to pay for
safety "-Ehicago Post
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-10-14

"Well. the statements they make
against you aren't true" said the poll
tician's wife. "Why don't you deny
themf''
I'm afraid II Will lnclte them to dig
IN some other llbelous statements that
are true. "-Philadelphia Ledger
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-10-14
After n Bargain.

The new woman had applied for a
marriage license.
"How much?" she asked In a busi-
nesslike way.
1.-TWO dollars" replied the clerk.
snake it $19S." she said, "and I'll
take two Of them. '-Chicago Post
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-10-14

Now" said the professor, Suppose
you had been called to see a patient
with Mysteries some one, for instance,
who had started laughing and found
1t impossible to stop what ~ the first
thing you would doY"
"Amputate his funny bone" prompt
ly replied the new student Houston
Ioet
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-10-14
showing Him In,

Seryant-Thcre's gentleman down
stairs, ma'am
Mistress Show him up to the draw
ing room.
Servant But he has come TO clean
the chimbly.
Mistress Then show him up the
chimney.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-10-14

In London If you want rooms. serv'
ant or a situation you advertise the
fact In machine for Il penny. You
write out your advertisement. put it
in with your penny, and the machine
displays II In your own handwriting.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-10-14

The first American newspaper was
Public Occurrences. 1t appeared In
Boston in 1890 and was promptly sup
pressed by the government Of the col
ony.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-10-14
Provide for the worst; the best will
save itself.
orou9hIy ozone Up.u

fTONlue loT lue WOrStI the Dest Will
save itself.
Thoroughly Ozone ID"
"Have you done up my shirt yetT
asked the patron of the laundry.
ut Is Just out Of the ironing room."
answered the clerk. "and we will have
It done up for you now, 80 that you
may take 1t along with you"
"All right. hope 1t has had better
luck than the last one | had done up
here"
Better luckr
Eyes. You did II up 30 completely In
the ironing room that II wasn't worth
doing up in the bundle."-Judge.
All imposture weakens confidence
and chills beneyoleDce,-
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-10-14

II people talked only when they had
something 10 say the silence would be
too dense to stir with stick Gal
weston News
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-10-14

1t In great evil as well as a mis-
fortune to be unable to utter a prompt
and decided no.-Simmons.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-10-14

Tho Bank OF England has a pair OF
scales 30 accurate that an Ink spot on q
piece Of paper visibly affects the bal
auca
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1903-04-24
FULTON CENTER.

Sarah Allen will teach in North Full
ton.
Francis Miller and Ell Weller are
putting up new wire fence.
Chas Price and wife, of Essex, Wis
tied their parents in Fulton Sunday.
Mrs. Greenswike aud daughter made
a business trip to Carson City one day
last week.
Old Mr.. LOOMS near Pompeii, sold
his place TO Mrs. Herbert Rice and
has bought the Ed Arnold forty.
Bertha Hoxie has gone TO Big Rap
ids TO attend the Ferris school, Her
bert went with her for few days.
Will and Walter Seeley, OF near
Shepherd, were In Fulton the first OF
the week looking after their place on
section %.
There was no preaching nor Sunday
school at the Center Sunday on &C
count Of quarterly meeting at Pom
peii. Many OF our people were in at
tendance.
A most enjoyable farewell surprise
party was given Mr.. and Mrs. w. L.
Herman by their friends, when about
seventy gathered at their home Fri
day evening. Ice cream and cake
were served, after which Isaac Hewitt
in behalf Of the company presented
them with a fine oak rocker. They
responded with tears OF gratitude in
their eyes. Rev. Med 'Howsare gave
a short prayer aud asked blessing on
the home and company, after which
all wendell their way homeward feel
ing that IL was good 10 be there.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1903-04-24
SEVILLE.

Miss Bertha Lippert is working at
Sam Veeder's.
Mr.. and Mrs. Will Thomas were in
Alma Saturday last.
Mrs. ELIAS Rockwell was quite III
last week but is much better at pres
eut.
Mr.. and Mrs. Isaac Hendershott are
the proud and happy parents Of five
pound boy born April To-
OrSon Wiley aud family, who ex-
pect TO start for Oregon next week,
are making a farewell visit to his s.
ter, Mrs. Rose Newcomb and family.
After a short illness, Asa y. Rock
well passed away at his home on Sec
tion 2, Seville, April 4. His widow,
four OF his five remaining children and
five grandchildren were present at his
bedside He was conscious TO the last
and seemed 10 fall peacefully asleep 10
1.-THE sleep that knows no waking.
The funeral was held from the home
where he has lived many years, buying
II in 1866 and moving here with his
wife and Oldest child Ia the year OF
1856 He was wagon maker by trade
and did considerable amount OF such
work for the early settlers. For n any
years he has suffered from i'll health.
Many friends and neighbors attended
the funeral services, which were con.
Quoted by Rev. Wooten Of Alma NJ. f.
church assisted by the old Forest Hill
choir. Interment was made in the
Brady cemetery. The flowers sent by
friends and relatives were beautiful.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1903-04-24
NORTH PLAINS,

Mr.. G. II. Fowler and wife visited
+ d. Hoag Sunday.
Mrs f. Youngs, OF Pewamo, was In
Ionia one day last week.
The North Plains Farmers Club
met at the home Of Fred Harris
Thursday.
Ed Piggott attended the burial OF
his cousin, Michael Curtin, near ST.
Johns last Friday.
Very few oats have been sOwn in
this section, and the recent rain will
prevent the farmers from getting on
the ground for few days.
Henry Seibner, an old and highly
respected resident Of Pewamo, died at
the home OF his daughter, Mrs. Geo.
Lane, Friday, April 10, aged 20 years,
3 months and l day. He leaves two
daughters. Mrs. Geo. Lane and Mrs
+. Dean, TO mourn his death. Inter
ment in the East Plains cemetery.
A very pretty wedding took place at
the home OF Mr.. and Mrs. David
Hester, OF Pewamo, Wednesday even
ing, April s. The contracting parties
were their daughter, and &. NJ. Rice,
Of IOnia. The ceremony was performed
by Rev. Swindt. Miss Emma Sher-
wood played the wedding march. The
bride was prettily attired in white
silk. After congratulations refresh
ments were served. They were the
recipients OF many beautiful presents.
AS the guests, numbering nearly one
hundred, were leaving what were their
surprise to learn that they had not
witnessed the marriage which took
place in the kitchen later on In their
travelling suits. The reason why, the
license had been forgot and was
brought overland by the county clerk.