Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1903-03-12
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81 should think 1t didn't give you .

She (gushingly)-Song flows as natu-
rally from her as from a little birdie
He (grutfiy)-A parrot, Perhaps!
"Oh. dear. hate to spend so much
money for clothes. and have them turn
out all wrong! 1t just gives me q
lit"
Bridget. what did you say to Miss
Smith when she calledT' II told her
you were out this tonne for sure.
ma'am."
"There's one good thing about a mo-
tor car" whats that" 1T doesn't
try to run up to every water trough it
comes to-"
She-I understand that Mrs. Emerson
is strict vegetarian. He-Yes, very!
Why, she goes so far as to exclude
Bacon from her literary diet.
whats the matter?" asked the
rooster; more absent mindedness?
YES" replied the hen; II can never
find things where l lay them"
II see the new magazine is out?"
Eyes; and thank Heaven, they've got
my poem right next to advertising
matter"-Atlanta Constitution.
George proposed to that girl and
would have married her If 1t hadn't
been for something she said Fred
What did she say? George-No.
Ibid you see any sharks when you
%1D
asked Miss Purling. YES" replied
Spifkins, sadly; Il played cards with a
couple"
"Now. Willy, you may give me SEN
tence that will be easy to parse"
"Yesm. How's this one: Said the
sparse, parsimonious parson: Parse the
parsnips""
"Who is the hero of this piece?"
asked the man who was coming out
Of the theater. And the manager
thoughtfully replied: "The man who
is financing It,"
80 you are going to get an auto
mobile?" YES" answered the man
who is always thinking of his health,
"the doctor says must walk more."-
Washington Star.
rs Miss Tinker good pianist?"
"She is simply fine. You ought to
hear some of her classical pieces. You
would never know they were music"
Indianapolis News.
Her Mamma-You certainly were
flirting outrageously with that young
man on the bench. Don't you know
you're n married woman, and Mrs.
Cay-Yes. hut he didn't.
Wife-You don't seem to enjoy the
dinner, dear. What's the matter? Hus-
band-I was wondering If there
weren't some typographical errors in
that cook book Of yours.
HE thinks of having his poems pub
llshed In book form" well, that's
the best way of putting them where
they won't bother anybody. "-Phila-
delphia Evening Bulletin.
Martha, where is the Letter that was
on my writing desk?" II posted it,
maam." But 1t had no address on It.
mo, ma'am. but thought 1t might be
one Of them agnonimus letters"
Mrs. Jones-And have you any refer
ences? Appllcant-No. mum; OF tored
'em up. Mrs. Jones Tin surprise)-Tore
them up? How foolish! Applicant
Yez wudn't think so, mum, If yez had
seen 'em.
"Going away on vacation, old man
You need 1t, for you look all tagged
out" "Great Scott. isn't that proof
enough that I've already been on my
vacation and just got back!"-Balti-
more Herald.
Envious Young man speaking Of IA
vored rivaD-Yes. George Is clever and
handsome. but he Is so abominally con-
ceited. Sharp Young Lady-But, Mr..
Dumley, II you were handsome and
clever would not you be cOnceited?
An Irishman was standing at the cor
ner of a street, his head all bandages
and using clutches, when a friend, on
seeing him, shouted: "Halloa, Mike,
what's the matter?' Il bet Rooney a
half-crown he couldn't carry ME up a
three story ladder. l won"'
Physician lat hospital did you
happen to AL from the top of the
ladder? Patient-A pretty woman was
passing. and while trying to get a
good look at her slipped and fell.
Physician-Ah. the same old story-a
woman at the bottom of it!-ChicagO
News.
II wonder why donkeys eat thistles?"
said the man who is always finding
something peculiar in life. 'Oh." an
swered the person who likes plain food.
There is no accounting for taste. If
donkey were to give the matter a
thought | suppose he would wonder
why human beings eat olives"
Yes, said Cholly Lonson, proudly as
the group of listeners clustered around
him, "yes. | saved the lady's life. She
had fallen from the pier. and the watah
was dashing awound her. Powerless to
help herself, she was sinking for the
third time when | ran to the spot"
Eyes, yes" said the breathlesS listen
i 4 4 civ 1 -f,I