The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1903-01-15


Hi, Bill, look here! l weigh four
pounds more'n your Jaw, y'r cheat
in, Skinny. Youse got y'r hans In y'r
pockets. baltimore News.
German Instructor Ito usually late
student)-'I see you are early of late;
you used to be behind before, and now
you are first at last."--Harvard Lam
poon.
His Needs Were Small.-Landlady-
What portion of the chicken would
you like, Mr.. Newcomer" MIR. New
comer-"Oh, half of 1t will be ample,
thank you."-Tit-Bits.
Mrs. Waggs-"T understand that
drinking Is one of your husbands fail
ings." Mrs. Jaggs-"You have been
misinformed; it is his most pronounced
success. "-Chicago Daily News.
Observation-Disclosures, this is the worst
composition In the class, and I'm going
to write to your father and tell him."
Johnnie-"Don't keer IL We do; he wrote
1t fer me."-Detroit Free Press.
Mrs. Grady-"Mrs. Dolan loikes her
second husband betther than her first"
Mrs. Dooley-"An' phwyT Mrs. Grady
-"Shure, he's in Jail so much she has
nearly all she earns fer hersilf."-
Judge.
COnsolation.-'T'm feeling very Ill
again, doctor; do you think I'm going
to die?" my dear madam, compose
yourself; that is the last thing in the
world that is going to happen to YOU"
-Tit-Bits.
lis this, then, to be the end Of our
romance?" he asked. NO" she an
swered; my lawyer will call on you in
the morning. have a bushel and
half of your letters. Chicago Rec
ord Herald.
Yes, | consider my life failure"
Oh Henry, how sad! Why should
you say that?" ~ spend all my time
making money enough to buy food and
clothes; but the food disagrees with
me, and my clothes don't fit."-What to
Eat.
"Oh, Major Bloodgore!' said girl
ish gusher, they say that during the
war you were always cool In action"
Cool" declared the major; why, my
dear girl, l was so cool that when |
shivered people inslnuated that | was
trembling. Baltimore Herald.
She-"Some persons claim that they
Prom hni1ht uvifh
wishing to cast themselves down. Did
you ever have that feeling. Mr.. Yearn-
soY' He-"Once." Indeed? Where
were your" Il was in an elevated car,
and. | saw you in the street. New
York Weekly.
But can you cook?" asked the pro-
sale young man. LET us take those
questions up in their proper order" re-
turned the wise girl. THE matter Of
cooking is not the first to be consid-
cred" "Then what Is the frstT' he
demanded. Can you provide the things
to be ookedT'-Chicago Evening Post.
Tommy-"Out of a job2' Jimmy
Yes. The boss said he was losiu'
money on the things | was maxim"
Tommy-"Wasn't there anything else
you could do in the placer jimmy
Il guess not. Anyhow, he said didn't
seem able to do anything else" Tom
my-"And what was you makin'T
Mistakes" -Tlt-Bts
Harris-"When | meet Flanders he
generally has something to say about
the virtues OF his first wife, and my
wife says Mrs. Flanders Is always talk
ing about her first husbands good
points" Damon-"So they both have
been married beforeY Harris-'Yes.
What pity that first husband and that
first wife couldn't have married one an
other They'd make an ideal match.
Mrs. Temperton-"I've got the dear
est old darling Of husband that ever
happened He has an awful temper.
and about once a month he gets mad
and tears up my best hat" Miss Sin
gleton-"And you call him dear old
darling after that? How can you"
Mrs. Temperton.-"Well, you see, he
always has a fit of remorse next day
and buys me better one."-Chicago
News.
Rather absent-minded, isn't heT
Extremely so. Why, the other night
when he got home he knew there was
something he wanted to do, but he
couldn't remember what 1t was until he
had sat up over an hour trying 10
think" "And did he finally remember
it?" Eyes; he discovered that he had
wanted to go to bed early. "-Philadel-
phia Press.
First you have much OF
an audience at your recital yesterday