New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1903-11-01
TIE TALK Of THE DAT.

An amusing story is told Of Maine farmer who
had gone to law with neighbor. In conversation
with his lawyer he suggested sending the magis
trate couple Of fine ducks. Not on your life
said the attorney. IF you do you II lose the case
The case came and tried and judgment
given in his favor. He then turned TO the
lawyer and said. IT sent the ducks" Astonishment
on the lawyers part changed to admiration when
his client continued, But I sent them in my op-
ponents name"
WHEN THE GAME WAS YOUNG.
Now all Of have read doubt,
OF Rome her deeds and heroes,
OF all her institutions and
Her Caesars and her Neros.
But thing Is omitted
q don't know who's to blame)-
A Roman football game
In A. D. sipty-four there came
From Athens seat of knowledge
bunch of husky Greeks to play
The Roman Dental College
All Rome was in excitement,
And heavy we, were da tae pes
The SyTacusan Vets.
That afternoon at three o'clock,
Mid cheers that rent tne ar ar -
Nero himself there.
BY dint of hard line smashing,
And now and then kick,
Then fumbled on a trick
Twas then the Grecian halfback
ooh Mars! Oh, Mars! beholdD
Grabbed up the ball, and; smuggling,
Sped to the Roman goal.
I will not try to tell the rest
I'm our time It's the samel-
They called all Athens ringers
And protested then the game
Old Nero was disguised;
So great the monarch,s ire
That lust to ease his mind he set
The bloomin' town on fire
Cornell Widow.
The Tribune will be obliged to its readers for the
name and address of the president or secretary OF
literary scientific ard historical societies in their
districts.
Up stairs-"Fifteen two and pair makes four"
s e9 WRa h SRe w yon IN youf
All, replied Popley, a6sentmindedly juS[ ISL, me
-(Philadelphia Press.
The Amazon Valley will have at the ST. Louis
Exposition a striking exhibition Every important
product Of this wonderful region Will be shown, De-
sides many curious exhibits of little known native
nfe-architecture tools. weapons methods Of trans
portation, etc.-as we'll as very complete colIec-
ton OF the flora and fauna of the country.
sympathy-Tom (sadly)-Thats the second time
Jack-Yes? I'm sorry two negatives don't always
make NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. Life
'The vinita (Kan) Chieftain'' is making a cam
paign to beautify Vinita and has the following
tistc suggestion to make: Next time the public
fountain needs repairing it should be replaced by
cast iron one with the figure of pretty lady
standing in large. shell shaped bowl. or something
of that sort
Man Dressmaker-Wen what now?
Apprentice-I have discovered a way TO make a
worran's dress so that she Will look like a hump-
backed baboon with bats wings.
Man smaker--Glorious! II will become the
rage!-(New York Weekly.
-Four tin canlsters containing ashes OF crenated
persons addressed from New-York to San Fran
cisco were sent to the Postofice Department at
Washington recently for classification in order to
determine postal charges. Second Assistant POST
master General Maddern has decided that the
ashes OF a human being may be c!assed "mer-
chandise" providing the matter is securely packed.
Both of my grandparents on my mothers side
were onagenarlans," said Mrs. Oldcastle. rs
that sop replied her hostess. My folks all
Baptsts but Josiah comes from a Methodist fam
ny."-(Chicago Record-Hera!d
South McAlester man advertises himself as
the champion horseshoer of the Indian Territory
u double back action. stem-wind. cable-screwed
Roman nose. dish-faced. knock-kneed, ham-legged.
all-around horseshoeT.
Diner-Waiter there is a slight mistake / or
fered a spring chicken and bottle Of 1854 Pom
merry.
Naiter-Yes sir.
Dner-You have brought me some Pommery OF
last spring and chicken OF lss,-(Christian Regis