The Press. (Stafford Springs, Conn.) 1883-1935, 1903-01-29
! DEACON
! III A r ID US
PARROT
BY Cyrus S2ocEss7s
Copyright. 1902. BY the S. S. Mcclure Company
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8 6o@o0o0o0o@oooooo@oOo@o0oS
Deacon Hardy had no more thought
Of keeping pet parrot than Of install
ing a pig in the parlor, but he wasn't
proof against circumstance. His sister
out in Ohio event and got on her dy-
ing bed," as he explained it, and he
was sent for to bid her last farewell.
There was only one thing on her mind,
and she proceeded to state it. She had
owned a parrot for many years, and
she wanted to be assured of it's future
before she closed her eyes. The cat,
which would also be left behind, could
get along some way, nor did she care
what became of her quilt frames and
flatirons, but that parrot must find O
home with q Christian family.
The brother cheerfully offered his
refuge and promised to bring Polly up
in the way she should go. When the
funeral was over he started for his
home in the east with the big tin cage
in tow The parrot had been silent for q
week, and the deacon's heart had warm
ed toward her. He figured 1t out that
she realized the situation and was doing
a proper amount Of mourning. The
deacon's wife welcomed Polly as a relic
Of the dear departed and was solicitous
that she should feel perfectly at home,
when something happened. The bird
suddenly found her tongue and cried
out:
'What in blank ails this blank crowd
anyhow"
The deacon was hoeing potatoes In
his back yard, and when Aunt Mary
staggered out to him and told him the
awful news he couldn't believe his
senses.
"You are a little deaf in your right
ear, you know" he finally replied, land
must have got things mixed up.
know that my dear sister Ellen never
taught that bird anything but words
out of the good book. Let us go in and
see.''
They entered the kitchen, where Pol
" was roosting on the back Of chair.
AS they stood before her she cooked
her head and saluted them with:
''Now lay me down to Sleep"
''Didn't l tell you SOP" said the dea-
by smile of relief.
fT thought it was swearing, but !
must have been mistaken" reluctantly
admitted Aunt Mary. "Well, I'm glad
ont. 1t would be jest awful to have
a swearing parrot around"
Three days later, as Polly sat on q
perch near the gate, Mrs. Simpkins
came along on her way to the store
and stopped to look at her. She had
scarcely come to halt when she was
saluted with:
"Who in blank are your
1t was a stunning blow, and Mrs.
Simpkins felt her head swimming
round and round. Before she could re-
cover the bird yelled out:
Lets have another beer!'
Then Mrs. Simpkins screamed, and
Deacon Hardy and his wife rushed out
to the gate to see what was the mat
ter. When she repeated Polly's lam
guage, or as much of it as she dared.
the deacon smiled and replied:
"It's another mistake. You never
heard parrot talk before. and you
got his words twisted up. My dear
deceased sister told me over and over
again that he was religious bird and
that he never said anything butt
Honor thy father and thy MOTHER"
interrupted Polly.
"Didn't l say soy' exclaimed the
deacon as he rubbed his hands togeth-
er.
"Amen! Amen! Amenv' screamed
the bird.
Mrs. Simpkins had to give it up,
though as she continued on her way
she couldn't help but wonder whether
she was growing deaf or absentmind-
ed.
Polly had no more surprises that
day, but on the next, as the staid and
dignified village justice Of the peace
was passing along on the opposite side
Of the street, d voice cried out to him:
"Hello, you old villain! What in
blank ails your
The justice paused and looked
around. He was alone on the street.
The words could have been addressed
to no one else. He crossed over the
road and saw Polly on her perch.
Just then Deacon Hardy came around
the corner Of the house with a hoe in
his hand.
"There's such a thing as contempt
Of court" solemnly observed the jus
tice.
'What's the matter?" asked the dea-
con.
Your parrot has called me names
and used profane language"
But she couldn't have. She knows
nothing but good words. My dear de-
ceased sister spent nearly all her time
for five years in teaching this poor
bird to-
in the singing" solemnly announced
Polly.
ANY profane language about that?'
asked the deacon over the fence.
IF it wasn't her, it was some boy
hidden around here" replied the JUS
tice. Il guess it was boy, and I'm
sorry l laid it to the parrot. l never
thought much of parrots, but I amt
saying that religious parrot amt all
right"
Polly realized that she had had a
narrow escape, and for the next three
days she chartered of nothing worse
than Moses in the bulrushes and DAN
iel in the lions den. She was estab-
fishing her reputation on a foundation
Of rock when Uncle Absalom Flint
came along driving a pig. He was
closely followed by Aunt Sally Warner
and the minister Of her church. Just
opposite Deacon Hardy's gate the pig
tried to bolt, and it took the united
efforts of Absalom, the minister and
Aunt. Sally to prevent it. The three
shouted, and the pig squealed, and
Deacon Hardy and his wife got out
Just in time to hear Polly lead of with:
"What in blank is the matter nowr'
Five human beings and a hog held
their breath.
SChuck him out! He's q blank leaf
err