The Minneapolis journal., 1903-03-16

He was long, lank specimen of hu |
nanity, who, but for the absence of wings,
passed for old Father Time A moment
before he entered my office, there was a
terrific crash out in the halfway, and the
building shook as though there had beenI
an earthquake sprang to my feet and
rushsd to the doorway thoroughly
alarmed. Flingfng the door wide open,
the. wizened old gentleman, covered with
plaster from the ceiling, which had fallen
upon him, plunged headlong into the room
and sprawled upon the floor with his head
in my wastebasket. The heaviness of his
fall was such as to send my tall eight day
clock off it's balance, and it toppled over
on the old gentleman smashing its face
on the way down on my inkbottle. and
SCATTERING the contents of that vessel over
about everything in the room including
myself. Nor was this the worst for on
top Of all this run about six feet square of
my own ceiling, like that Of the hallway,
was loosened, and fell, with crash, over
all. It was a wonderful trailsforrna ton,
and it happened in. the twinkling of an
eye. Where only thirty seconds before
was the. well ordered Systematically ar
ranged and serupulously clean office Of
Shylock Homes, the Ferret, was now a
scene of muddy desolation. My first
thought, however, was for my visitor, who
lay, cursing. underneath the clock.
feared he might be seriously hurt, and
fastened to his assistance, but fortuna tely,
barring a bruised dignity. and ruffled
temper. he was none the worse off for his
precipitate entry. .. -.
."Wuf-Wait a minute till I get my
BREATH he painted, as I busted him off,
and scraped the ink from his nose with
my eraser, t''Uh-and I'll tut-tel you
huh--WhO~ l am"
There is no. need" said gazing about
me upon the ruin his coming had wrought.
II perceive from the plaster on your neck
and waste backet on your head and the
demoraliza ton that has overtaEen my Of
flee since your arrival, that you are none
other than that prince of hoodcos. George
W. Jonah, Esq, captain Of the whale and
harbirger of i'll luck. 1 thought at first,
you might be Job. but when heard the
language you used when the clock fell
on you. which I assure you is not fit to
print, knew at once that you were not
lle but yourself. What can do for you?'
May I sit down for a ,noment?'' he
asked.
You can if you'll pay for the cha -
said I.
perhaps we'd better go out in the park
and talk he suggested. "Some place
where nothing can fall on us. It might
be safer.'' .7'
NO. said I. we're better off here.
We've already had all that can be com
ing to us in the way of troub1e-unless.
of course, the house falls. What can 1
do for you?''
81 Have YOU seen this?' he asked. taking
a newspaper clipping from the folds. of
his garment, and handing it over. 'It is
a statement made by Baron Munchausen
in his Further Recollections.' now being
published in the Gehenna Gazette, that I
am an old fraud, and that he himself, in
a previous state of existence, was Jonah.
What is more, he foresha adows the Auto
biography Of JONAH a work upon which
l. am myself engaged, and hope to have
finished in time for the next holiday sea-
son. lie not only libels me by calling me
an old fraud, but actually proposes to take
| the bread out of my mouth by writing a
profitable work which no one but myself
Is entitled to- write. .''-''r -
/ glanced over the article complained of,
Wnichsread as follows: ,-.. r.,
Now as to Jonah. 7 really dislike very much
to tread upon this worthy s toes, and I should
Zion nnorl my refumey Of "Tales of the Whafes
tion upon a volue OF Tales Of the Whales -
which wrote for children last summer. claim
ing that J. was infringing upon bis copyright.
and feeling that I, as q self.respecttnr man.
would never claim the dscredit of having myself
been the person he claims to have been. l will
| candidlg confess that / am not proud of nv
acn1evements as Jonah. was very oily person
before l embarked upon the seas as lord high
admiral of r.. NJ. S.. Leviathan. was not a
| pleasant person to know. If spent the nighs
! with a friend. his roof would fall in or his
house would burn down. If bet horse,
he. would lead up to the home stretch and fall
down dead ali inch from the finish. If 1 went
! into a stock speculation. I was invariably
| caught on rising or falling market In M
! youth I.=spoiled every Yachting party I wen:
| on by attracting gale. When came out the
moon vent behind a. cloud and people who began
by lndorsing my paper ended up in the poor
house. Society gave me up. Commerce wouldn't
| have me. Board of trade everywhere repudia ted
men, and gradually sank into that state Of des-
| pair which finds no soface anywhere but on the
sea or in politics, and politics was then un-
| known, went to sea. The result is known to
| the world I: was cast overheard, and ensulfed
by a whale, which, in his defense, let me be
generous enough To- say, swallowed me inadver.
| tentiy. and with the usual result. came back
| and life went Finally. l came here and
when it got to the ears Of the authorities that
| was in hades they sent ME back for the fourth
time Oh earth in the person Of William Shaks
| pere. ~ T.
This is the whole of the Jonah story. 1t is a
! sad story and regret it, and am sorry TO,
! the impostor now posing as Jonah, when reflec,
| that the character lle has assumed possesses at
| fractions for him. Ills real life must have
been a fearful thing If he is hapy in hts imper
| scnation, and for his punishment let us leave
| him where he IS. Having told the truth. have
done my duty. I cheerfully. resign my claim
T to the personality he claims-E relfnqnish from
| this on all right title and interest in the name
but if he ever dares to interfere with me agair
| in the use of my personal recollections concern
ing the inside of whales, shall hale him before
I the authorities. =.
wait, said; T., as. I finished reading
| Munchausens strange narrative. Il dom
| see what l have to do with. a case like
this. / am not an attorney. but detect
/ i've. What you need is a lawyer -. t..
I There isn't a, lawyer in all: hades that
| will take my case said Jonah. Il. went
| to Blackstone and beseught him to see
! that got justice and. just because the
moment entered his office. a book -cass
fell over on us both and knocked him
senseless for a minute, he had me fret
| out..s - =. o,s.:-. --~.' = r-
5t"BTa ckstone's a clever man. said I
But he isn't the whole bar why dom
| you go to Edmund Burke:"
! s'I did sighed Jonah. 'and with the
same result, At first he said he'd tax.
the case. but just then some rotten beam.
| in; his office floor gave way. and we fel
! through three stories into the cellar
Burke, myself. his office and everybod,
| in it.. When we came to. he said he hat
reconsidered and didn't think that libe
| suit for a plaintiff of my peculiar sor
was quite i'll his line
Have you tried Cataline?' asked, re
| ferring to the great Roman. who, IL
criminal practice is doing the most sue
cessful law business in Hades.
oh. Lord!'' groaned Jonah. when
think of CataIine, it makes me weary
OF course tried him, and he actuall,
took the case. and we got it started al
right. But the moment entered ths
i courtroom, the scales on the statue O
Justice back Of Lord Jeffreys chair, fel
+ off and whacked his honor so vigorousl!
| on the pate that he didn't come to for fou
| hours and the first thing he did on re