The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1903-07-26
SOME GOOD STORIES OF
THE TIMES WE LIVE I'M
Near-Sighted But Great-A Case of Defective
Hearing-ParabIe of the innocent Pup
Charman's Predicament.

Of the Kansas dog that tackled cy-
clone. You see, family from the East
moved into Kansas along back a year
or two ago, and they didn't know much
about cyclones. They had a dog. a
fresh, innocent pup, bred in the effete
and MINDLESS East. One day a cyclone
came along. The folks scooted for the
+ cyclone cellar, but the dog. being an
Eastern product, didn't understand He
hailed the advent of the cyclone with
joyous barks and started off to tackle
! it.
! THE result was. Jim, that when that
+ cyclone did business with that dog.
which charged down up it with open
jaws. the dog was blown plump in
side out. It was dickens of a predic-
ament for the dog. After the cyclone
passed along and the folks came out
of the cellar they found the dog there.
picturesque, but of no further value
a dog. The farmer surveyed the
dog ruefully. He was a good dog and
he hated to lose him. Then the fool
ishness Of the dog struck him and he
said. wrathfully: There, drat We:
that's what comes of keepin' yo-r
mouth open in the face OF storm "
A LIGHTWEIGHT.
General Charles H. Grosvenor. the
Republican warehouse of Ohio. was
billed 10 speak in Pittsburg in the last
campaign.
The meeting was a large one. When
ii was time to introduce the General
the Chairman arose and said: Ladies
and GentleTsen, 1 need hardly say to
you that we are particularly fortunate
tonight in having with us one of the
greatest Republicans of our sister
State, Ohio. We are to have the pleas
ure of listening to a man whose name
is a household word in Pittsburg, who
has fought for us the battle of Pro-
lection, upon which so much of Pitts
burg's material prosperity Il ?ends.
You all know him. Everybody in Pitts
burg respects and honors him. He is
our friend. His name is on all our
lips. Friends now have the pleas
IRE of Introducing to you that sterling
patriot, that rock-ribbed Republican,
hat eminent statesman, General-Gen-
The Chairman flushed, stammered,
wiped his forehead nervously and then
olurted. General Gossamer, of Ohio"
ENGLISH AS SHE Is SPOKE.
There was strife and turmoil between
'ival factions in one of the cities in
he far West visited by President
Roosevelt on his recent trip.
The Mayor met the President at the
station. He told his troubles. DO you
now, Mr.. President" he said, 81 have
1T been able to get these people to
orroborate?"
At the dinner that night the Mayor
at next to the President. After the
,uests were seated there was a lull.
rhe Mayor arose to the occasion.
Walters" he said in a voice that
cached every part of the banquet hall
waters, bring on the feedi"
ENATOR BAILEY'S ACCOMPLISH
MENTS.
Senator Joseph w. Bailey, of Texas.
vas born in Crystal Springs, Copiah
ounty, Mississippi.
Joe was a great lad" said an old
few days ago. when
e was seventeen years old he had
our points of preeminent greatness
yer any other young fellow in Copiah
ounty:
g owned the biggest watch chain, he
-as the best pool-piayer. and there
-asn't a man in the county whom
2 couldn't argue down on any propo-
tion whatsoever"
That was a good many years ago.
enatOr Bailey doesn't wear his great
atch chain now and so far as known
e rarely plays pool, but he retains his
ood looks and. to say nothing of Co
ian County, there are few men else
here whom he cannot argue down.