Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1903-02-26
SLOW PHILADELPHIA
The Funny filings at the Quaker
City Not All Well Founded.
business Men and Politicians Are as
Wide Awake and EnterprisfnE
an Those of Any Other
Great Community.


never gone beyond the humorous con
sideration of tie matter, writes DR.
William Ellis Trings, in the Chicago
American.
The newspapers have made it the
Drunt Of humorous thrusts, the
theme has furnished food for carica'
turists on occasions when more mo-
mentous problems have lain in slum-
bering quescence, lecturers have
scored Introductory points about IT.
and knights of the 'heel and clog
have come to resort to it as vindica-
ton when old and memorable gray
haired jokes have failed to find market
in the playhouses of the beautiful city
Of homes.
So far has this overindulgence of a
well-taken criticism extended that one
may hear in England and as far away
a the orient. stories invested with rid
icule for patient Philadelphia, the long
suffering and never-complainng home
of as lovely and loving community OF
people as God ever made.
A certain lecturer in Scotland, com
memorating the disposition cl his fam
lily said: 81 have three children liv-
ing Sand one in Philadelphia, Pa A
well known long distance walker ath-
lete, losing the championship in a
time walk from Washington to New
York, consoled his defeat and amused
his admirers by declaring that he was
far ahead of his oldtime record, when,
on arriving in the city of Philadelphia
his feet went to sleep, and he was un-
able to proceed further with his ac-
customed agility.
The members of fourishing base
ball team, on alighting from the train,
each appeared armed with gigantic
alarm clock which they proceeded to
carry about the town to keep them
awake.
A still moro unfortunatet but actual
occurrence is the one recorded in the
journals that Philadel-
phia is the only city in the world en-
ioying the distinction of having had
one of its citizens run over and killed
by an undert2kers hearse.
Actors appease the fancy's fckle fol-
bles by Informing us that they come to
and tell jokes one season,
the next to find they have
lust penetrated the slumbering per-
ceptions of the easy-gcing citizens.
And thus, Philadelphia becomes the
poets theme, the joker's jest, the
caricaturist's hope, while its unaveng-
ing millions are born, live and die in
the deepest affection for the place, un-
of the thrusts, and not infre-
quently enjoying them
have seen consumptives deliber-
ately refuse the offer Of home and COM
fort, with an almost indisputab!e as
surance of restOrati to health and.
ertainly longer life, in the mountainh
Of the south, southwest and Colorado
that they might remain in the city Of
their love and die there-seemingl
perfectly contented. In two cases par
ticularlv know that each could have
had every luxury that wealthy and
anxious friends and relatives would
have rendered to go away into the
land Of oNyrenous air and balmy sun
shine, but ;hey refused to leave-the
one dying when the winter came, and
the oth'r lingering to-day, held by the
Darest thread of existence that as
worse t!.an death.
Now. there is a serious and scien-
tifc side to the fact of Philadelphia
rlowness as body of people.
1t is noticeable that the men who
control wealth, who handle great cor
Dorations and engage in vast business
enterprises therein, are alive to their
business best interests, and comprise
rs wakeful a set of men as one wishes
10 find in any municipality in the world.
This is particularly noticeab Bile in the
affairs of Philadelphia.
Those who engage in the actual con
troll of the vast city's interests take oc-
:asional opportunity to assure the
world that there is nothing slow about
the politicians of that town. The voters
ire Just the contrary-let a man i'll
authority betray every sense OF honor
md fidelity to his constituency, and
hey will re-elect him as long as he
shows his allegiance to the powers that
De. This signifies subserviency-ser-
lie ubmission-whethe it be good or
,ad. The same is true in business.
While il is not done, ! add. to the honor
If Philadelphia business men, yet
business man who desired could exact
lmost any honest condition of en-
'loyment from his hard-worked arti-
ans, and they would humiliatingly
submit to it rather than run the risk
md dread of a lost position. This is
aid in no disparagament-it is sim
lie truth.
Domestic Point Of View.
II tL-a - b inn ,I-hinh