Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1903-05-26

your baby's saying. 1T is a queer
language isn't itT' Yes. sort of early
English"
Snake Charmer-So the fat lady took
too much antifat How is she nowf
Sword-Swallower-o in reduced cir
cumstances.
And so you ran away from your
wife to enlist in the army. What did
you do that forf" I'm lover Of
peace. Life.
Visitor cat insane asylum)-My. these
are bad cases. aren't they? Guide
Yes, sir. This is the ping-pong ward
Town Topics.
Customer Have you anything that
IS good for falling hair? Faeetious
clerk How would waste-basket dot
Chicago Daily News.
Father-In choosing wife one
should never judge by appearances.
That's right Often the prettiest
girls have the least money.
There is one thing certain" remark
ed the Observer of Events and Things:
'if we all have to use soft coal. it VIII
seem hard. "-Yonkers Statesman.
He (who has offended her)-Won't
you look up at me? Shelf | did.
you'd kiss me again. He-No; honest.
| won't. She-Then what's the user
Life.
What is political harmony.
Uncle Sam? Uncle Sam-Political
harmony. Sammy, is any period in poll
tics when there is nothing doing
Puck.
She-You must not kiss me until we
are formally engaged He-Do you
mean to say that you always insist
upon that rule? She-Iye always tried
to.-Judge.
Lawyer-The jury has brought In
sealed verdict In your case. Prisoner
We'll, tell the court that they needn't
open it on my account-Glasgow
Evening Times.
The Lady-Did any one call while
was out? The Maid-No, ma'am. The
Lady-That's very strange. wonder
what people think have an lat home
day" -Moonshine.
She-But most Opponents turn out
so dlsastrously. He-Yes; but every
body expects them to. You save all
that trouble of keeping up appearances
after the ceremony,-Judge.
Mrs. Blobbs-I quite thought you
had forgotten us. Miss Gusher. Miss
Gusher-Well. have bad memory
for faces as a rule, but should not be
like 2 to forget yours. Punch.
vlsltor-Young man. hope that
when you are free you win turn over
a new leaf. Convict-Sure / viii. The
lawyer hire the next time will be a
better one.-Chicago Daily News.
On the piazza: Ethel-Oh. Mae! I'm
in such a quandary! Old Mr.. Roxe has
proposed to me and | don't know
whether love him or not. Mae-Why
not look him up in Bradstreet?-Judge.
To their liking: rs your family
fond Of cereals. Mrs. Jumpup" on
very we're reading several In the
Parlor Portfolio now. md can't hardly
wait from week t week. Philadel-
phia Bulletin.
Pardonable ignorance: LET me see"
said the man at the desk. pauslng with
his pen in air. who was the author OF
Twice Told Tales" "Chauncey De-
pew. wasn't it?' suggested the man ut
the other desk.-Chicago Tribune.
THAT friend Of yours seems to have
n clear conscience" mo" answered
Senator Sorghum, mot clear con-
science; merely a bad memory-which
with some people answers the purpose
much better Washington Star.
"Kape alive, Mike; we're rescuin'
ven Voice from the Debrss-Is big
Clancy Zip there wild We? "snre ne Is"
Voice from the Deep-Ast him wud he
he so kind as Z step aft the rooms.
I'VE ecorgh on top av me Uidout him.
-Tit-Bits.
"Kentucky is one of the llveliest
states in the Union" remarked the
young man. ut is" answered Coionei
StiIwell. beyond a doubt. When
was last there every man | met was
running for Office or for bis life
Washington Star.
PRINCIPALLY did you get that
money owing by Smith? Collector
I'm sorry to say did not. There were
a number of Smiths ut that address.
all OF whom denied being your debtor.
One even threw me out. Principal
That's the one. Call on him again.
Mrs. Benham-Half the world doesn't
know how the other half lives. Ben
ham-Then half the world must be un-
married men. Mrs. Benham-What
makes you think so? Benham-lf they
were married men their wives would
find out and tell them.-Brooklyn Life
"say." remarked the impatient pas
senper on the New York cross-town
car don't you ever 60 any faster than
thisY' Don't get gay" snapped 80
conductor. IF It don't suit yer yer kin
rit out an walk" ooh. I'm not In
sncb hurry as all that" replied the
Messenger sarcasfically. Philadelphia
Y5r5ss 80
Sir Augustus Lackcash ito taiiorJ-
Ny son tells me that you have allowed
him TO run q blll for three years.
have, therefore. come Taiior-Oh.
pray. Sir Augustus. there Is really no
hurry. Sir Augustus Lackcash-I
know that, and. therefore. have come
to tell you that in future | want to get
my clothes from you. too.-Tit- Bits.
The Season Opens.