Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1903-06-22

like it before tonight
Would-be Artist-Did you get any
thing for your last poem? Ditto Poet
Yes, l got many happy returns.
Jill-Why do 80 many little men
marry big women? Jack-They don't
The big women marry the little men.
Her Father-But can you support
Estelle? Enamored Youth-Can I?
Why l have held her on my lap two
hours Mt time.
Young Tutter Ito hostess)-I have
had very pleasant evening. But then
l always manage to enjoy myself no
matter where l am.
"He claims to have invented cam
era that makes people prettier than
they are" "How's that:" "By simply
making the lens flatter."
A man never knows what little in
fluence he has with his women folks
until his daughter falls in love with q
man he can't approve Of.
Customer want a ton of coal.
Dealer-Yes, sir. What size? Custom
er-Well II 1t isn't asking too much,
I'd like to have 1000 pound ton.
Teacher-Now. Freddie. what is a
volcano7 Freddie with great conf
dence)-Oh, know that! It's noun
tain that interrupts all the time!
Clara-Does Harry help you with the
n1n pv1tv To-, ,s~< y.,vJ h0
hangs the pictures crooked and does
the grumbling.-Detroit Free Press.
"You say there's man at the door
wishes to see me. Does he look like a
gentlemanT' well. not exactly like
gentleman, sir; just something like
yourself"
WHO can tell me the meaning Of
leisureT asked the teacher Its a
place where married people repent"
replied the boy at the foot Of the class.
philadelphia Record.
II can't say that like Paynter's pic.
lures. Perhaps it's because don't ap-
preciate them" II don't know. It's
either because you don't appreciate
them or because you do"
Hell hope you are better to-day.
thought you were not looking we'll
when was at your house yesterday
She-I had rather a bad headache, but
it passed Off soon after you left!
II understand Dashleigh's uncle has
died. leaving him fortune" "Yes,
he has received great many congrat.
ulations; why, even his tailor sent him
a bunch Of forget-me -nots yesterday"
"Ah" he sighed, Il was happier
when was poor" "Well," they an
swered, coldly, 1T is always possible
for a man to become poor again" But
somehow the idea did not seem to i'm
press him favorably.
Mr.. Gaswel-"No. l didn't take a
lease Of that ground for the new build
ing. The agents asked too much money
for it," Mrs. Gaswell-"But didn't you
tell me they offered to mark it own
to ninely-nine years ?"-Chicago Tri-
bune.
A mean fellow: A Georgia exchange
has discovered the meanest man in the
United States. 1t is said that he pump
ed water on his head, let his hair freeze,
ard then broke 1t off, rather than pay a
barber for cutting it.-Atlanta Consti-
tuition.
You can never run the mill with
the water that is past" we remarked.
trying meanwhile to look extremely
wise. mo; but you can put up anoth-
er mill further down stream" retorted
the get rich quick man. with consider
able impatience.
Grandma was showing two-year old
Helen the picture of young lady in
evening dress. Isn't she pretty la
dyT said grandma. Yes" replied the
tot. Pretty hair. dot bracelet on
her ARM" then she paused, looked at
the picture seriously, and added. sol
EMMY. AN she's all ready for bed.
dranma!"-Home Science Magazine.
Sis Hopkins-'Mis' Lummis. ma
wants t know f you can let her have
a cup O. sugar. two eggs, n a few
raisins. n some -four. Oh. yes!-n' a
little butter" Mrs. Lummis-"Well,
never! Sis Hopkins. you 90 home n
tell your mother l said if she'd wait
till l had time t. make it, she could
come over N take the ake."-Phila-
delphia Bulletin.
"Tell me what people read and will
tell you what they are" said the self
confessed philosopher. well. there's
my WIFE" rejoined the dyspeptic par
ty. "She's forever reading cook books.
Now, what is she?" why. a cook. of
course" replied the philosophy dis
pcnser. "That's where the spokes rat
tie in your wheels said the other.
"She only thinks she is"
"Bess e." said the teacher to small
pupil, "can you tell me what memory
Isl" After moments reflection the
little one replied: Memory is the
thing people use to forget things with
The Stranger-"And so you are
named George Washington. the same
as our distinguished Pres dent" The
Colored Porter-"Iaas. suh but has
a dlfferunt birthday, suh.'