davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Beltrami Co., Minn.) 1903-1904, 1903-06-03
HE DID AS he PLEASED.
But 1t Happened That His Wife Was
Away from Home,

\
Il cannot understand, said Whit
tier, why it is that so many fellows
| know are in such awe of their
wives. don't feel that way"
do you mean to say" said Bitter,
that you do exactly as you please,
without being influenced by anything
your wife says?"
That's exactly what l mean" re-
piled Whittier This idea of losing
your individuality just because you
happen to be married is all nonsense
tell you that lead an absolutely
not going home after business don't
go. And if | want to ask my friends
in for little game at cards don't
shesitates=to do Sol smoke all over
the house, insist upon having my fav-
orite dishes, stay at home from church
ture to suit myself, and, in fact, down
to the smallest detail of my daily life,
I do absolutely as | please, without
let or hindrance. It's the only way to
live"
Bitter regarded his friend with a
look of grave suspicion.
We'll, WE'LL" he said, somewhat sa-
tirically, you are wonder. How
long have you been doing this sort of
thing?"
Il have been doing it" said Whit
tier, calmly and complacently. ever
The daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Beltrami Co., Minn.) 1903-1904, 1903-06-03
How a Pirates
Plans Miscarried
10000 OOOO-Ooo <

Uncle Jonah was the only sailor in
our family, and that was one too
many. Undeterred by his Christian
name, he ran away from home in boy
hood and began his notorious marine
career as a stowaway in an Australian
clipper.
For twenty years or so Uncle Jonah
held no communication with his be-
reaved family, who alluded to him as
a lost vessel and regarded his
probable decease with equanimity.
= One day, in the ordinary course Of
business, was sent to Bow Street
police court to write up a case of
piracy on the high seas that promised
to afford good copy. The intelligent
reader will have guessed that the ac-
cused person proved to be my Uncle
Jonah; but need hardly say that |
was wholly unprepared to find a rela-
tive in the dock.
My professional zeal enabled me to
stif1e any emotion that might have in
terfered with the business in hand
To say that he bore himself with
dignity q took the liberty of saying
this in my report would be inaccur-
ate. Uncle Jonah never had any dig
nifty, being one of those familiar, vul-
gar persons in whose company even
the dignity of others withers like a
leaf in autumn. He recognized me,
and winked.
The evidence taken that morning
was purely formal, and pending the
attendance of some important wit
nesses, the prisoner was remanded in
custody. | foresaw that the coming
trial could be made to excite excep.
tional interest, cases of piracy being
comparatively rare.
The inspector of police, after peck.
citing a sovereign, confessed himself
unwilling to resist the Appeals of the
prisoners beloved nephew | was per.
1nitted to spend half an hour in the
cell. on condition that made no pro.
fessiona1 use of the Interview The
exigencies of journalism obliged me
to pledge my word to the inspector
though | foresaw the impossibility OF
Keeping the promise.
And this is the story of baffled
piracy as told by my Uncle Jonah.
The daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Beltrami Co., Minn.) 1903-1904, 1903-06-03

r
had the sense to know that he was
risking all our necks and his own, too.
We might have pulled through af-
ter all, but just as was shouting to
the mate to go farther off, the spit
ting dummy got out of gear. The
inards of the dummies were full of
long steel springs, and they had to be
oiled twice a week. Oiled they were,
too; so it was no fault of mine that
about three fathoms of spring came
jerking out of the spittiL~~ dummy's
ugly mug, in full sight of everybody.
Nov it stands to reason no hui
man can spit up twenty feet Of steel
springs, and the people on the mail
knew that as well as did. The loose
end of the spring whipped around the
neck of the next dummy, and the
bloomin' image kept on workin as if
it liked that sort of collar
THE passengers began to laugh;
then the crew laughed, and when
they'd done laughing, they just tum-
bled aft in a heap and made prisoners
of us before we could shoot dozen
of them. That's what comes of trust
ing your life to goods made in Ger
many" concluded Uncle Jonah IF
you want to do me a kindness James,
find-eut who made that splitting dunn
my, and drop him down sewer.
The daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Beltrami Co., Minn.) 1903-1904, 1903-06-03
since my wire Wens 70 ner cousins In
the country on visit"
Usually the Case.

Daughter" said the mother who
was long on Solomonic wisdom, what
ever you do, don't marry man with
dreamy eyes.
why not, map asked the beauti-
full bud.
Because, replied the mater, "it's
doughnuts to fudge he'll also possess
dreamy pocket book
The daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Beltrami Co., Minn.) 1903-1904, 1903-06-03


in the cell.
dred,' he added, and the seamen and
stokers six quid week"
Then the wages bill must have
been very heavy?" l suggested.
That's where you're wrong,
James" said my uncle. In the old
fashioned way of business the Falcon
would have wanted crew of about
fifty hands, and the company wouldn't
haze paid 10 per cent unless WE'D
captured a mail steamer or two every
month AS said just now, modern
pirates got to be run on economical
lines, so the stingy directors only al
lowed me dozen hands, including
the cook. who was under contract to
fight as we'll as stew"
The daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Beltrami Co., Minn.) 1903-1904, 1903-06-03
Point of View.

Hope springs eternal in the human
breast" remarked the person with
mania for quotations
Yes rejoined the morbid party,
land suppose that's why the pool Of
disappointment is always stopping
over"
The daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Beltrami Co., Minn.) 1903-1904, 1903-06-03
- ts1 :. Z . - - 2ss.s3i
His Appeal.

can now, bruddern an sistern,"
said the old colored .parson, de col
lecshun will be looked up. All jis
wants ter say ter yo' all dat while de
whitewash OBJ salvation am free, de
PATTY benin de brush am got ter libe
an All is dat panty"
The daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Beltrami Co., Minn.) 1903-1904, 1903-06-03
relale II as near1y as posslple In MS
own words, emitting his lurid mari
time explicatives:

own words, emitting his lurld mari
time explicatives:
In these days of keen competi-
tion," said Uncle Jonah, tits no sort
of good, my lad, trying to run pirate
craft on old-fashioned lines. Steam's
played Old Harry with piracy and
spilled the slave trade. To start with,
there's the cost of the plant. Eighty
years ago they could build wooden
line of battleship for 100000 quid.:
now you can't buy 400-ton steam
yacht at the figure. Well, l needn't
go into details, and there isn't time,
but even land lubber can see that
only millionaires can run pirate Of
their 82n
Then how did you get the money
to At out your ship?" l asked.
Uncle Jonah wirked. and spat skill
fully into the corner of the cell "The
Falcon was run by syndicate of Ger
mans" he said. "and my instructions
was to attack nothin but British
ships. If knew the names of the
shareholders I'd give 'em you, but
they always paid my salary through
an agent"
What did you earn. uncle?' l
asked.
Two hundred quid month and 5
per cent commission, he replied.
"The first mate was to get a hum
The daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Beltrami Co., Minn.) 1903-1904, 1903-06-03

Movement Of Earthquake Wave.
An earthquake wave has been
known to travel across the Pacific
ocean in twelve hours and sixteen
minutes-that is, at the rate Of six
miles a minute.
Old papers for sale at this office.
The daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Beltrami Co., Minn.) 1903-1904, 1903-06-03

about three fathoms of spring came
jerking out the spitten' dummy"
mail, with di'monds AID gold aboard,
would be off Madeira on a certain
date he mentioned
These mails carry lot of people,
you know, and one had to put EN- in
a blue funk, else they'd have shown
fight.
She was we'll up to time and we
sighted her about six bells in the af-
ternccn watch, coming along at six
teen knots through a sea as smooth
as duck pond.@As luck would have
The daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Beltrami Co., Minn.) 1903-1904, 1903-06-03
Flow He Progressed.

.sIIe used to kiss me on the lips
She sighed, land then somehow
He moved on up by little trips
Until he got
Unto a favored spot
Close to the border of my brow.
"He used to kiss me on the lips,
Then on the cheek. then on the brow,
To-day he kisses his finger tips
And blows or throws
The kiss back as he goes!
All we've been married five years
now!" q
The daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Beltrami Co., Minn.) 1903-1904, 1903-06-03

My interview with Uncle Jonah,
which duly appeared in the Daily
Scum next day, procured me very
acceptable raise of salary and i'm
proved my position on the pcner. A
few weeks later had the privilege of
witnessing and reporting the eNecu-
The daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Beltrami Co., Minn.) 1903-1904, 1903-06-03

Poor Uncle jonah! rs savings
went to the crown, but he really was
: OF some service Eme.-King.-
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-08-08

was in st. Paul for time this sum-
mer remarked that of all the cities OF
this country, with the one exception OF
Washington. he found st. Paul most
beautiful. And much-trave1ed won17
an who was here recently said that
summit avenue was the most beautiful
street in the world. These things
should mean great deal to us, and it
is lust as well to repeat the complf-
ments paid to st, Paul by outsiders,
SO as to impress ourselves with the
value of st. Paul as a show city.
AS a people we are rather prone to
take our municipal good looks as a,
matter of course; and it is strange.
that. though we travel much and give
due need of praise to other beautlfui
spots. we appear to fail to realize how
much nature alone has done for ST.
Paul. Strangers who visit us are at
once struck with the great natural ad-
vantages of our location; with the
wonderfully beautiful panorama winch
stretches over the river and Whlch
gives the dwelIer on the river side OF
Summit avenue one of the most mag
nifcent views to be found anywhere
Then there is Como park. We know
il is pretty and pleasant place TO
drive On a warm evening. but strangers
seeing it for the first time tell us that
there is nowhere in this country
stretch of cultivated and natural park
which has the unique features OF
Como. When some outsider informs
us of this we are impressed; and when
these things are repeated and repeated
again, as they have been this summer
by visitors, we begin to realize some
thing of our city's beauty.
Particularly are these complimentary
remarks true this summer; for never
before was the foliage so thick. the air
so cool, and all conditions so favora-
BILE for showing us off to advantage
as just now. The good work of the
civic organizations-to say nothing of
the regular municipal effort-Was
never SO apparent as at present. 1t is
almost impossible to find in the resi-
dence district vacant lot that is an
eyesore, or a tumble-down building
that mars the beauty of the streets.
Summit avenue has one old shack upon
it.; but with that exception Summit
avenue from Selbv to the river is one
long delight to the eye. Knowledge of
the beauty of our city should create
both pride in it and a resolve to keep
it unimpaired. -.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-08-08
TODAY'S WEATHER.

WASHINGTON, D. c., Aug. fore
cast: Minnesota: Showers Saturday:
cooler in northeast portion; Sunday fair;
fresh south to west winds.
Upper Michigan: Partly cloudy Satur-
day, warmer in western portion; showers
and cooler at night or Sunday; fresh south
to west winds.
North Dakota: Fair Saturday; warmer
in southern portion; Sunday fair
South Dakota: Generally fair Satur-
day; warmer in eastern portion; Sunday
fair.
Wisconsin,: Partly cloudy Saturday;
showers in western portion and atsnight in
eastern portion; Sunday fair; fresh south
to west winds.
Iowa: Showers Saturday; Sunday fair,
warmer in west, showers in east portion.
Montana: Fair Saturday and probably
Sunday.
ST. Paul-Yesterday's temperatures.
taken by the United States weather bu-
reau, st. Paul, w. E. Oliver, observer, for
the twenty-feur hours ended at o'clock
last night-Barometer corrected for tenn
perature and elevation. Highest tempera-
ture. rs; lowest temperature, Sd; average
temperature, Sc; daily range, %; barom-
eter. 80 IS; humidity, Sc; precipitation,
%; Z p. m. temperature. rs; p. m. wind
south; weather, partly cloudy.
Yasterdav'c TonDara flIres-
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-08-08
THE BEAM IN OUR EYE.
q the Editor of The Globe:

To the Editor of The Globe:
History repeats itself, as in the fol-
lowing instance:
The English house Of lords had UNI
der consideration the question, as to
whether her majesty's government was
not bound to protest against the atroci-
ties perpetrated upon the Poles by the
Russians. Lord Brougham partly
roared and partly Kissed a speech of
the following tenor: Me lawds, why
are we looking askanee at the Rus
sian bear, at the half-civilized Tar
tars, when we see across the Atlantic
our own kith and kin cutting each
others threats over negro slavery?
And with what pretense Of consistency
can we rebuke the ezar before we
have protested against them, and with
what consistency can we rebuke them
when we think of Our own deeds?"
When we think of some innocent ne
groes being burned to death, and some
white men becoming devils because
some negroes had become brutes. we
might well wish that the sentiments of
Lord Brougham had prevailed amongst
as, and saved our fellow townsman,
Mr.. Riddle, the unpleasant duty OF in
curing from the Russian government
whether it would receive the protest
against the Kishenef massacre.
William G. Pope.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-08-08
STILL NO POLICY.

The interrupted conferences held
some time ago at Hot Springs, Ark,
and the tentative conversations of Wis:
iting statesmen at Oyster Bay are. to
be resumed in a vain effort to hammer
out something that will answer for the
Republican party in lieu of currency
policy. But this is all for the purpose
the country that the party is, buried to
it's eyebrows in lofty thought for our
future welfare. AS matter of fact,
every Republican in the country knows
that there will be no financial legisIa-
ton this year.
The reason for this, it cannot be too
often reiterated, is pure cowardice.
When the manufacturers of the country
were clamoring for bigger bonus, it
took no time at all to pass new Tariff
bill. Every moment of the vacation
was employed on it's schedules, and the
Dingley bill was put into effect almost
before the country had time to draw it's
breath. There have been months with
in which to confer and reach conclu-
sions on the currency situation But
there has never been a moments sin
cere desire to get together or to pass
an act.
There are few men in the party
with real ideas on this subject, though
they are at odds with one another. Mr..
Fowler has system ready, which his
party will never approve. Senator Al
drleh has a scheme ready, which meets
with greater favor because it is not a
reform at all, but simply one of the old
makeshifts to answer a temporary pur-
pose The president himself has learn
ed wisdom. Mr.. Roosevelt once had
tariff policy, just as he had a Cuban
pleteiy, he was even SO far compelled to
eat his own words, that he has learned
caution through misfortune He says
that he has no policy on the currency,
and we can well believe him.
If inability to agree on the main
principles involved We're the only or
even the principal embarrassment of
Republicans. there might be some sym
pathy for them. But it is not. They
are pursuing a well-defined plan, that
embodies the last degree OF. cowardice.
They have determined that it is not
well to pass any important legislation
this winter, because that would COM
pei them to go before the people next
year on definite issues. Their first pur-
pose being TO carry the election at
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-08-08
WHY MARKETS ARE UNSTEADY.

The story of a trust will explain why
there has been such uncertainty of late
in Industrial securities, affecting by
the general disturbance of confidence
the values of stocks that are beyond
suspicion or reproach. The affairs OF
the asphalt trust. have been for some
time under investigation, new COM
pany has taken the place of the old
trust and sales of its stock have been
made at figures which show the
shrinkage.
The asphalt trust had a period Oh
rosy promise. It's promoters were aple
to persuade investors that it had
natural monopoly of its product, thal
this product was one which the peo-
pIe must have, and that the profits
were therefore bound to be enormous.
The total outstanding capitalization of
the old trust was over $52,000,090. and
at the highest prices brought it's vari-
Gus securities had an aggregate value
of nearly $11,50O,O00. According to the
latest sales, the value is s5,500,0o0.
Here is an apparent shrinkage of
some 100000 in the securities Of
single concern. 1t by no means stands
IL
structive instance of the way in which
a large number of industrials have
been handled. Excessive capitaliza-
ton was followed by a rush to unload
on the public at fictitious prices created
by carefully circulated prospectuses.
Results did not materialize. the bot
tom fell out, the unlucky spectators
lost millions, and their belief in all
sorts of securities suffered shock.
That is why the market has had it's
panicky spells of late. Flotations
such as the one referred to, and there
have been hosts of them. would give
any market pain. A combination,
big Or little, will succeed only when it
has brains, enterprise and a legitimate
market that it can hold by legitimate
methods. The others go to the wall. A
good many of them have been going;
and the decline of their securities has
furnished a splendid opportunity for
raids on those of concerns that are as
sound as they ever were. These lat
ter will come out unframed. and, the
country will be none the worse for its
lesson.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-08-08
Among the Merrymakers
At the Ministries.

Bones" said Tambo. II should like
to ask you hard question
certainly, replied Bones. II will
be glad to answer it,"
Then what is the difference between
an old pair of trousers. and a bow who
bothers bee shive?g
What is the difference. you ask. he
tween a small boy who. botfers the bees
an old pair OF trousers?"
Yes SIR,
Why, that is easy. The trousers are
stitched and hung and the boy is hitched
and stung." *
That's a weak answer"
treat"
Still wrong ~ eae:i..ss,
give it up. them
The trousers bag at the knees and
the boy Hags at the bees
Anf the base drummer sounded the toe
sin call. which brought forth Mr. Ever.
hard Pulsifief tet sing his beautiful tenor
solo. Never hook Dollar in the Face,
Judge. -s.ssss) 20
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-08-08
LETTING US DOWN EASY.

Rudolph NJ. Fisher, of Philadelphia,
has discovered the philosophers stone.
He has announced that a year hence
! he will begin the work of transmitting
| silver into gold, but has solemnly
promised a reporter that he will not
patent his invention. He points to the
fact that if he should file cayeat ir-
responsible persons with no regard
whatever for the .rasho" would imme-
diately go into the business of in
extent that the affairs of the world
would be upset.
For his forbearance we thank PhiIos-
opher Fisher. Alchemists of other days
used to give it out that when they hap
pened on the means for transmitting
the basef metals into the standard of
values they would cause the same to
be printed in the magazine supple
the other gold brick men out of BUSH
ness.
Fisher does not propose to upset
anything but his own poverty. He has
associated with him a few live men,
bers of society and they are going to
furnish him with silver dollars to he
transmitted into gold. He will not
share the secret with the angels, but
give them the half of his output in gold
bricks. The arrangement is enainently
fair one. Ordinarily when angels
finance gold brick transactions they
settle in large bills, but there is moth
ing in the ethics of the brick business
that prevents the vendor from taking
silver dollars at pinch.
Altogether Fisher shows that he is
imbued with the spirite,of the times.
He despises the use of black eats as
an aid to alchemy; he lives in a mod:
ern mousse instead OF in cave; the
moons phases do not influence his in
vestigations and he is going to make
gold as business proposition rather
than for the purpose of putting the
unduly rich out of the running.
Above all, he serves notice that he
will not begin doing business on
large scale for year. That will give
the rest of us time to get rid of the
gold we now possess and to load up on
silver. Meantime we can rejoice in the
certain downfall of the insufferable
sold bug who has been making a nui-
sanee of himself since he saved the
country last.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-08-08
Contemporary Comment
The Great efaadhdfather of the sylph.

A correspondent ron Sunday referred
incidentally OF the famous landaulet
of Attorney General Williams in the
days of President Grant. If this his
toric vehicle is yet to be found in the
lumber room off the stables of justice,
it ought to be rescued, renovated and
set up in conspicuous place in the
national museum. 1t should be pre-
served there for the admiration of flu
ture generations; not at all as a spec1-
men Of long7past fashion of carriage
making, but as the earliest monument
of the official deadhead system, as orig
inal and typical example Of the grad
ual diversion of public property of va
rious sorts from public to private use,
the grandfather of the Dolphin and the
Arbutus and the great-grandfather of
the Mayfiower and the Sylph. The
molding, moth-eaten cushions of Will
iiams' landaulet should be reupholster-
ed; it's Fickety wheels should be stiff
fened and it's creaky springs oiled; and
it should be hauled forth in triumph
from its present obscure corner and
established as an object lesson, an
illustration and record in the splen-
didqcollection which contains so much
that tells of American progress.-New
York Sun
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-08-08

any cost to the.country, they nave oe-
ternnin ' thatsJegisla1t.i9n can ~A'''
That is the duality of their PATRIOTISM.
It would bad for the party 1t
would be proof OF its inslncerity ana
its waning energy, if its members were
doomed to inaetion only because tney
could reach no agreement with one an n
other. 1t viii VIII be infinitely worse for
them to stand before the country with
confessionytlaat they dare do moth
ing lest it cost4them the election next
year. That fact the voters are going
to have kept prominently before them
for more than a year to come, and it
will be illustrated by every hour OF
useless debate at Washington this win
ter. How much do Republicans think
they will gain by this attitude, no long
er to be either denied or concealed?
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-08-08
DELEGATE FALCONIO
ADDRESSES THE BISHOPS
Bespeaks Fidelity of American Catho-
lies to the New Pontiff.

WASHINGTON, D. c.. Aug. {. =
Mgr. Faiconio, the apostolic delegate to
this country, today issued an address
to the bishops within his jurisdiction
on the election of Pope Plus X, in
which he says:
Let US rejoice and return thanks to
Divine Providence for having so speed
lily provided the church with another
worthy pastor. Guided by our faith.
we recognize him the successor of ST.
Peter, the vicar of our Divine Lord,
our spiritual father, the supreme pas
tor of the church. AS such he claims
our obedience, love and generation;
and l have no doubt that the Catholics
of America. faithful to their glorious
tradition, will equal those of every
other nation in their fidelity and at
tachment to the new pontiff. May God
grant him long and prosperous reign
for the welfare of the church and the
honor of the apostolic see"