The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1903-09-09
was but running up a debt which

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I could easily liquidate by one night
Of triumphant song. If he were will
ing to wait-and he seemed to bel
certainly cou..':: do this, for my voice
and manner and style were improving
daily, and ere long the doors of thu
theatres must open before me, and
wealth and honor take the place of in
digence and obscurity.
Looking at me now and remember
ing my failure, can you imagine such
folly? You must be young and poor
and have voice to do it. Why, this
room has been peopled with visions.
l have seen myself in the possession Of
every power, every happiness. When
my fingers have ached with writing, I
have thought Of the day n store for
me, when just my signature would be
worth gold. Till then I wanted no
companionship, and felt myself un.
tempted by pleasure or wealth. Till /
could enjoy all, wanted nothing. 1
preferred to take my happiness at 8
bound, and from these rooms of faded
grandeur and sordid suggestions, step
at once into the palatial apartments
suited to the successful prima donna.
"You can imagine, then, the excite
ment of those days, when I was in.
formed by my enthusiastic teacher,
that the time had come for my appear
ance, and that after. two short months
of rehearsal, the stage of the - -
should be ready for my debut. If time
few before, it halted now. Never,
never, would those two months pass!
And yet they ought not to have gone
so slowly, for I was very busy. The
rehearsals themselves were enough to
absorb me; and they did, but they
never left me satisfied, and longed
to end them. Somehow I needed an
audience, or so I thought. I could lot
warm up to empty benches; but my
manager seemed satisfied, and fed me
with batteries, and expended great
sums Of money on my toilets and the
stage accessories. He was sure of sue
cess, but not so sure as I was. I can
say this now, since have so egregious-
ly failed. I neither doubted my voice
nor my training nor my spirit 1 left
this room on that fatal night, calm.
l took what thought to be my last
look of these miserable apartments,
with the quiet farewell Of one who
feels her fortune assured. I left be-
hind in it many memories, but I. went
forward to great hopes. When heard
the door close, I had the feeling of
something shutting upon my past, and
went downstairs and out to my car
riage with a different step than that
which had been accustomed to mark
my departure.
This feeling followed me to the the
atre and increased, rather than dimin-
ished, with the putting on of the dainty
robes which another's enthusiasm had
provided for me. Nor did the sounds
of the orchestra make ME quail, nor
the voice Of the callboy; nothing
moved me till, having crossed the
stage, 1 caught glimpse-or did feel
the presence-of the vast crowd that
awaited in eager expectancy for my
first notes. Then, indeed, dagger en-
tered my heart, and terror, such as the
victim of the amphitheatre alone can
know, caught me in it's clutches, par
alyzing throat and limbs till I could
have welcomed any death that would
have annihilated my eonsciousness. I
Was before the footlights; was in the
spot where I had pictured myself for
years, and could not sing note; I
could not even fly; 1 must stop and
face the wonder, the pity, the disgust,
that must be on every countenancc,
till Fate should come to my aid and
break the spell that bound me.
ut came in the shape Of a few stray
efforts at applause, doubtless meant for
my encouragement. The sound-it was
the first had heard-seemed to loosen
the icy fetters that held my limbs en-
chained, and I sank, suffering fright.
fully, upon the floor Of the stage I was
never more to mock by my presence.
The curtain was rung down and was
carried away, whittier, hardly knew.
and to what could even then dimly
guess, for ny heart was broken, and
my earthly hope was at an end"
But" eagerly interposed the artist,
"you may be mistaken about this.
Stage fright is common. Our greatest
actors are subject to it. 1t is rather
thought by them the token of genius,
and a promise OF future success!
Surely, your manager" ).
To be continued.