The Savannah morning news., 1903-12-13
THE GENIAL IDIOT
Throws Out Some Thoughts About Holidays
BY JOHN KENDRICK BANGS.
Copyright, 1903, by John Russell Davidson.

Then you are a poor judge of evil
dence," retorted the idiot. If there
wasn't any trouble in the world I'd
like to know where you'd be. Take
squabbling out of life and the legal
profession would be up against It. l
will say, however that your ingrati-
tude is not so base as that of Mr..
Pellet, because you don't get any d.
rect benefit these days from the con-
tinuance of holidays, whereas they
are still a perfect goldmine to Doc
tors"
i've got gold mine, eh?" laughed
the doctor. I'm mighty glad to hear
it. Perhaps you can give me some hint
as to the precise location of this Klon-
dixie"
It's all around you" said the Idiot.
In the shops, on the streets. in the
cars, in the home. everywhere. Take
the Fourth of July, for instance That's
holiday that is a regular Bank of
England for the medical profession,
what with small boys getting their
eyebrows singed; old men getting their
thumbs blown off trying to be young
again and setting off giant crackers;
middle aged men filing their pockets
with roman candles and loose matches;
babies swallowing torpedoes, and faith
ers carrying home sky rockets in the
smoking cars of the nation. If one
man could come into possession of the
money that goes into the pockets of
the doctors as the result of a single
fourth of July in this country Mr..
Carnegie would be reduced to beggary
by contrast. There are 10000 cities In
this country, and l venture to say the
returns for repairs from the inhabitants
of these, paid into the Golfers of the
doctors, average $1,000 each. Twenty
thousand thousand dollars is $4,000, 900
in round figures. Pretty good income
that for a day. If every day were a
holiday like the Fourth Of July, the
medical fraternity on this basis, not
counting the casualties of the rural
districts. would clean UP $1,000 900, 900
per annum. That's pretty tidy sum-"
II wonder who the prevaricator was
who said that figures couldn't lie" said
the doctor. II notice you have to go
back six months, however, for your IL
lustration. Undoubtedly the Fourth of
July is in some respects a boon to my
profession. But there are other holt
days, Mr.. idiot Thanksgiving and
the Christmas holidays, for instance.
People don't blow their fingers off at
Thanksgiving or get their eyebrows
singed at Christmas. An occasional
holiday Wen grant is profitable, but
how about the others?"
IF there isn't any money in Thanks
giving, and Christmas for you, I'll
agree to push you in a wheelbarrow
from the Battery to Central Park on
New Years day or forfeit a new silk
hat" said the Idiot. eff 1 remember
rightly, there was hurry call for you
last Thanksgiving day to go up the
street and extract a wish bone from
the throat of little Johnny Watkins
who in his haste to get through with
his first helping of turkey so as to
come into possession of the second, in
advertently swallowed that awkward
portion of the gobbers anatomy"
That's very true said the Doctor.
But"
And on the Friday after Thanks
giving" persisted the Idiot, you made
the observation at dinner that you
couldn't understand why, year after
year, people who should have learned
by experience to know better, should
gorge themselves with pumpkin pie,
cranberry sauce and giblets to such
an extent that it kept you and the
drug stores working overtime to stave
off an epidemic of dyspepsia. 1 re-
member the incident very clearly, for