davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Democratic advocate. [volume] (Westminster, Md.) 1865-1972, 1903-05-23
Paid In His Own Coin.

The physician was overtaken by a storm
on a cold winter night and, rather than
drive ten miles home, he put up at the
tavern keeper house. He and his host
sat for an hour or two before they went to
bed, at table on which bottle of
whiskey stood. They talked pleasantly,
but neither took anything to drink What,
therefore, was the physician surprise in
the morning TO find on his bill charge of
fifty cents for whisky.
why, man, drank none of your
whisky, he said to the tavern keeper
Maybe you didn' t, the other replied,
but you might as we'll 1t was there on
the table for you.
The physician paid the fifty cents, and
a week or two later he put up at the tav-
ern again This time he ran up bill of
good size What with the things he ate
and drank and smoked, seated with the
landlord at the table, his medicine case
before him. his account came to something
ike So.
In the morning when he got his bill
it was s5 exactly-he gave the landlord,
instead of cash, receipted bill Of his own
for like amount. At this bill the land
lord stared
Medicine S5r he exclaimed What
does this mean ? | haven't taken any of
your medicine!
But, my friend, why didn't you?'
said the physician 1T lay before you
ON the table all last evening
The Democratic advocate. [volume] (Westminster, Md.) 1865-1972, 1903-05-23
Dazed For The Moment.

"Will you allow me to ask you a ques-
ton ? interrupted man in the audience.
Certainly, sir, said the spellbinder.
'You have been giving us lot of fig
ures about immigration, increase of wealth,
the growth of trusts, and all that, said
the man. Lets see what YOU know
about figures yourself. How do you find
the greatest common divisor p
Slowly and deliberately the orator took
a glass of water.
Then he pointed his finger straight at
the questioner Lightning flashed from
his eyes, and he replied in voice that
made the gas jets quiver,-
Advertise for it, you ignoramusr
The audience cheered and yelled and
stamped, and the wretched man that had
asked the question sneaked out of the hall,
total wreck.
The Democratic advocate. [volume] (Westminster, Md.) 1865-1972, 1903-05-23
The Lawyer and the Reporter.

A Philadelphia newspaper writer, being
a witness in neighboring county recently,
was harried by bumptious county lawyer,
who asked:
$50 you are a writer, are you? Well,
sir with what great paper or magazine
are you connected ?"
with none, was the modest reply.
fThen, why do you call yourself
writer? What do you write-novels, sci
entiGc works, histories, or what p
II write anything and everything that
occurs 10 me as likely to be worth reading
or 10 sell, whether it is worth reading or
not.
well, then, for whom or for what do
you write? You say you are not connected
with any paper or magazine.
''Yes, sir, so stated | am an unat-
tached writer, for the general market
just 50. You write anything that oc-
ours to you. Well, now, do you ever
write up the proceedings of courts p
''I have done so occasionally"
'Can you state to the judge and jury
what particular kind of a court proceeding
you would deem worthy of your pen p
Yes. If saw young lawyer treat
Ing a respectable witness in very rude
and disrespectful manner and making an
ass of himself generally | should think that
possibly worth writing up
The court aud jury smiled audibly. The
Judge took the witness in hand for a mo-
ment
How much do you think scene like
this, for instance, ought to bring, if it
were well written up?'
1t would depend upon the actors. IF
the lawyer were a person of any note or
character, possibly So or $40"
"What would you expect to receive
should you write the facts of this partieu-
lar instance ?
About 75 cents, your honor
Counsel for the defense had no more
questions 10 ask.
The Democratic advocate. [volume] (Westminster, Md.) 1865-1972, 1903-05-23
A Strong Resemblance.

There was in Washington a few years
ago an old negro who was noted for his
recollections of all the famous statesmen of
ante -bellum days. To him one day came
a rather pompous member of a compare
lively recent Congress, who resembled
some Of the famous forensic giants only in
his capacity for ardent spirits. He had
his customary cargo aboard, and was in
clined to be oolloquial, so he addressed the
old negro, patronizingly: "Unele Daniel,
| understand that you used to know Web
ster, Clay and all the celebrated statesmen
of before the war times 2
''Oh, vas, sir; | members dem all,
responded the old negro.
''Well, Daniel, have been told that |
look like Daniel Webster. Can you no
tiee any resemblance p
well, yes, sub; you does mind me
pow full of Mars Webstah in some
'specks. .
''Indeed. In what particulars do re-
mind you of Daniel Webster p inquired
the now thoroughly fattered statesman.
Mos ly in de bref, sub, responded
Daniel; ''mos' ly in de bref =
The Democratic advocate. [volume] (Westminster, Md.) 1865-1972, 1903-05-23

badly by police station pen, the follow
Ing words
NV heart is broken You may have
forgotten my very name. do not blame
you. am sitting on very hard bench.
Next 10 me Is very old lady. She Is
very drunk. Her head Is Oh ny shoulder
~ I wrile ! base 40 night ~ Srile.
l,ut I cannGt gD sitii9at GHs last word "
one who deignai a. logr ps 0aee The
very old lady has awakened. Darling, J
cannot sreak Of hrt languages. ] atn
leaky hsa,t adrift on the pes.8 81 bfs. !
badly want baiiiag mt call you
"Darline have no night 10 call yOn
Darling darling. oh this bnch y
hard Not 80 hard a. the Bench will be-
tomorrow morning. unless, some Responsible.
householder comes round tonight aud ex-
plains that it Is mistake But | have no
one in my extremity, or, indeed any
where. ask no mercy deserve all
get. Few men can say that | think
my mind is wandering Farewell May
you be happy! Think of me sometimes
in my lonely cell oh, my broken heart! !
Farewell for everl-Bertie
She read this pathetic document twice,
through her tears, and then, though it
was nearly time to dress for dinner, she
hurried on her hat and coat All the
blots On his noble nature were erased, and
he shoue forth martyr, which seemed
curious at the same time, but proof Of
the untamable ardor of his love? How
he must have suffered for her on the door
steyl And how She pictured him
in chains, with cropped hair, and stamped
all over with horrid arrows.
Mr.. Rowen was skeptiCal, but, as every
body assured him that Berthe had undoubt
elly been marched of, be consented to 20,
aud Eva insisted on going, too. 1t was
the least she could do in reparation. On
the way she had appalling visions of the
hard beuen drunken criminals, bread and
water, the treadmill, oakum picking, de
gradation and penal servitude. And it
was she who had given the order which
had brought it all on
They drove in a hanson to the dingy
police station \ constable said, Yes,
there was a young gent who had been
brought in that afternoon For forgery,
he thought. but, on looking up a large
book, he found it was only for lettering
Then he remembered. Yes, of course,
the superintendent bad declined to take
the charge and had simply detained the
man pending inquiries at the house he was
alleged TO have annoyed. Eva shuddered
at hearing Berthe eoldly referred to as the
nan. Then she heard voices from the
next ruom Somebody-W it Bertie
Yes. it was Bertie-cried, Misery
Somebody else. with brutal laugh,
aid Double your Horror! Was this
some torture? She elung to her father.
.'rn tell im you re ere, sir, said the
constable He opened the door and looked
into the room where Bertie, in an arm
chair, With a cigar in his mouth, was play
ipg halfPenny nap with the Superinten
deut in. Charge
Somebody to see You, sir
Right said BERTHE, and came out
"Hullo Eva
Berthe
She rushed into his arms
Darling, how you must hsye suffered!
He sighed 1T is all over now, dear
Let Us forgive and forget was not al
t1.sather without blama myself -
The Democratic advocate. [volume] (Westminster, Md.) 1865-1972, 1903-05-23
His Moment of Forgetfulness.

'sWhile Jacob still tarried at the well, .
said the superintendent of the Sunday
school ''Rachel, as we are told drew
near She was fair to look upon and
Jacob kissed her. Then he lifted up his
voice and wept. A great many whimsical
explanations, children, have been advanced
for this singular conduct on Jacobs part
What possible reason could he have had
for weeping, after kissing his beautiful
cousin p
"He remembered about the microbes, -
ventured Tommy Tucker
The Democratic advocate. [volume] (Westminster, Md.) 1865-1972, 1903-05-23
No Excuse.

Thomas B. Reed had made an appoint
ment with friend who lived in town
some distance from Washington. He was
impatiently protesting at his tardiness,
when telegram brought an explanation
of its cause
''Washout on the line, ran the mes
sage The Maine statesman, ever quick
at repartee, instantly urged in reply:
'Buy new shirt and come on at
once.
The Democratic advocate. [volume] (Westminster, Md.) 1865-1972, 1903-05-23

rapidly growing crowd OF errand boys gaz-
ing at a respectful distance, and the situn-
ton was so unprecedented. How could
he move on loafer who was on such
friendly terms with everybody in the house
and had tea brought out to him by the
footman2 He had indeed, suggested that
an obstruction was created; but Bcre
was 50 genial about it aud the hot bnucred
toast was 50 uneommouly good.
As the last guest went. John was hastily
summoned To the drawing room, where
Eva was looking out Of the window in
fury, after an outburst of tear
why do You allow that-that person
to annoy Us like this all the afternoon
she said angrily. turning round
He wouldn 20, Miss. | :fi4 him
You were all out every time anybody came.
1t didn seem to make no difference
why don't You send him away p
She stamped her feet
lie don't seem to listen TO what say,
Miss, | thought you wouldn' be wanting
Us to have disturbance by using force,
MiSs-in fact, | didn quite know what
You would want the to do. Miss.
"Oh dear. Oh dear she walled.
But, at any rate, be cant stay there
much longer.
lie has just sent IN, Mis-, to borrow
rug, IN ra>e the weather should turn
chilly ia the early hours Of the morning -
But--but be can DO il she gssped
lie slep, out all through the War,
Mis-.
.'uh dear, Aud all tho>s people COIN
ins to dinner tonight, she cred, in de-
,pair. What arr we To do? Can't the
police do anything
Well, MIS-, they would remove him
il they knew you wanted it
Want IL OF course, We want it,
Tell them to send him away at once she
said hastily esen as Elizabeth signed the
death warrant ii Es,ey She waS too an
vry to think
VERY god. Miss, said John. He
went to the door The shades Of evening
were falling. aud the crowd was getting
larger, notser and le-s respectful There
were thrse Policemen near at hand in ear
nest delibcatlon, with note books Eva
watched the proceedings from behind the
curtains
TIN afraid you must ~. >ir said
John Il m vory surry
No, at all .aid Berthe. who says
~y
Miss Roweu, sir
| thought you said she was out z.
John conghsd Yes ~. - she vas,
in ) manner If speaking,
'whs to'>end rne away said Ber-
tse. koking ,hoaeh,fully up into the um-
brella
Miss Rowen has todd u, to tell the yo-
lice. siE
She todd you to tell the police he
aid, ia heart brlkeu Accents Then
j. al indeed over
Are you goins. ,ir said John gently
No be replied, With determination
y ,als, J'y r,vse' Ruat coelum. fat
Jastitia
John bcckoaed sorrowfully to the con
stables, who approached in solid formation
The crowd cherrel
Kindly remove th,s gentleman, who
!, Irs~pas-ing
The pol'ceman who had had the butter
al toast touched Berthe on the arm. ilis
voice was sruH, bu, tinsei with compas-
sion
You can 1 stay ere, ,ir, he said
Why not said Berthe sweelly,
Jt.,ll1
...;..,.
II would do anything to please YOU,
-. p,-.;.. III, =, ~. :.
lf YOU would be 80 kind as to get up
- Al =
y.
a. -, -,-,-,
~ ,. ~
-
@. ......-u..,, -.
y,
~.
-,
-, -, - .L...,,.I
-"
-,
S'ie''"o" ~" ie' NV f"'''" ''''
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1903-12-19
The Super's Lnance.

Senator Depew was talking about the
mshaps and contretemps of actors.
"I'll never forget" he said, the stately
super in powdered wig and silk stock
ings who stalked, chin in the air, upon
the stage to answer the earfs question,
Who is thcreF' The super should have
said, The boy, my lord but what he
did say was, The lord. my boy
Then there was another super unlike
the former one-a super self-possessed
and ambitious This chap, after years Of
stage life, had not yet got beyond q
part that consisted of only a meaning
less line or two. He was hungry for ap-
plause. and at last determined, at all
hazards, TO get applause. So one night
after he had said his usual solitary SEN
tence of The carriage waits he stalked
to the center of the stage. elbowing the
star to one side, and, looking up at the
gallery and striking himself on the chest,
exclaimed in a loud voice:
And permit me to all, sir, that he
who raises his hand against woman.
save in the cause of kindness, is I'M
worthy of the name of gentleman
That brought down the house. bat the
poor super lost his place on account Of
it. New York Tribune.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1903-12-19
NEW CAVALRY TRAINING.
tbs Education OF the British Horse Sol
der at AldcrShot.

Apparently as The result of the adj
niirahle experiments Ia cavalry training
Eade by lieut.-C0l dc I.iele at Huuns-
low, the new system of instruction * 10
lie introduced into the First Army corps,
writes an Aldersh0t cores pundent-
Ihe innovation viii do away with
much of the useless routine work which
in the past has occupied SO much 81 thc
c;vairymans time. From The beginning
of the training the aim will be to de-
Yelop the caYairyman' power of initia-
tive and resource and general Intelligence
in the field. One of his first lessons will
he 10 catch his horse when turned loose
50 train it, and ride it across country
instead of around the riding school
The care of horses r. also 10 be taught.
Men are TO be instructed in the treat
ment Ut minor horse maladie>, how 10
Judge and treat lamencsS, and to tell
good forage from bad
Outpost and advance guard duties. re-
connoissance duties and map reading are
to be taught thoroughly. Parties OF men
are to be sent out to find their way 10
fixed points entirely by the map. The
art of scouting will be instilied by the
flag stealing" game and practical trials
of scouting, III which special stress is 10
be laid on intereepting moves of the
enemy, learning his strength without be>
ing seen, dispatch riding and making
Ineligible verbal and written reports.
More attention is to be paid to firing.
the proper appreciation of cover, rapid
shooting, natural rests and the effects
of wind
Skill Mt arms is not to be forgotten.
and mounted combats and competitions
are TO be instituted.
To render charging little more sci
enfific, an interesting game somewhat
after the idea INDUCED in by the German
infantry. will be practiced. A squadron
of dummies in line will form the OBJ
jective, and the squadron bowling over
the greatest number of the enemy will be
declared the winner. London Daily
Mail
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1903-12-19

would vcsse in the future. but / hope I
am not the sort of creature that would
marry a girl knowing she loved another.
You have spoken like a man. and | hope
she will make you good wife. l viii
fix it so that Sir Michael isn't angry
with either OF YOU There is just one
thing, however, / must have, and that
Is that little bag. You may spare me
that, considering what / am giving up
to you
4 few more words, and Philip walked
away, more perplexed and astoniShed
than he had ever been in his life. 1t the
bend of the lame he turned.
Abel Sterntord was leaning against the
stile, big cigar between his lips, and
his eyes fixed on vacancy.
\ lew days later Sir Michael received
a wme which took him to town What
happened never tran~pired but he raised
no objections and asked no questions
when Philip asked for Lcttv's hand
On the morning of her marriage LEFTY
received curious present half scofs
OF dead viole'S in an envelope
Sac could not think what they meant.
bus put them in her dtcssiug-case, and
forgot the ueNt moment all about them.
\ month Afterwards. when she and
! Philip were ON their hone, moon, she came
across them, and ou her asking Phillip
who cona have sent Them. he told her
wltit had happened At the stile
And he has kept the s;,chct,' Lefty
mprmWed. Poor fellow
THE END.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1903-12-19
Lion Tanners in Love.

Animal trainers have certain supersti-
tions which in their view are so impor-
tant that to violate them would be a risk
of life. Among other things, they be-
lieve that if an animal tanner, while in
control Of lions and tigers happens to
fall in lore. he can no longer manage
the beasts who, by some mysterious men
tai biography. discover his weakness,
and at once assume their advantage. This
peculiar belicf-long ago proven true
has been utilized by Robert w. Cham
hers in his new story, The Maids Of
Paradise" The hero, Scarlett. having
left the French military police and tenn
porariy joined a circus as animal tanner,
is suddenly unable to control the crea-
lures. and is accused by his circus mates
Of being in love. Realizing the truth.
which he had not confessed even 10 him
self. he at once gives Up the work
New York News.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1903-12-19
tween our lines.

tween our lines.
There wasn't an unbruised man in
our company. but we felt like birds
when the rebels threw down their
guns and shed their cartridge boxes
and belts. They went 10 the rear, and
we went Slam-hang into another rebel
line, which. yielding at first, rallied
and drove us back. Then we rushed
them and broke their line, ami | never
felt happier in my life than when
saw the men IN gray scamper away
INTO the cedars. At Chickamauga We
waited FOR the rebs to charge, and they
broke us all up. Some of our boys
We're so completely knocked out that
they ran a mile like scared horses. In
The belief that the whole army had
been routed and that the only thing
10 do was 10 get Off the field Then
they slowed up. came TO their senses,
turned and ran the other way. and.
falling IN anywhere. fought like wild
eats 10 the end, crashing at odd times
into the rebel lines with the devil
m1y-carc inSolcuce Of football players
in a tussle.
Il remember well" said the captain
when the re-enforcementS for Thomas
came up late on the 10Th of Scptem-
her. Some of the regiments came At a
run ON a scene of excitement ana con
fusion, wherein lines seemed ineXtrica-
bly, tangled. As the men of the ar
irving regiments stood u minute Nyaff.
ing for orders one of them. looking M
to our regiment, posted ON ridge.
said, after the manner Of one farmer
talking across a fence 10 another: All
Snarled IN. amt you? What's Old
Pap Thomas trying TO doT' one of
our boys, glancing down in a neigh
horly way, replied; He Is trying 10
| drive the IohnneS back. and he is
very particular about it. He wants
to hold these roads Then, as the
waiting regiment moved off to take
| position, the man who had asked the
| question said, in an easy, uuexctct
| way: You tell Old Pap the roads arr
his, And II he sees anything else h,
wants just let him mention it. Ant
| in ten minutes that regiment wa.
| climbing Hill in the face of the enc
my's fire. Years after the war heard
General Thomas say that such CONVEX
sations encouraged and comforted him
because they showed the men in the
ranks were taking things cooily."-
Chicago Inter Ocean
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1903-12-19
A Sordid Soul.

as Samson Huskiman going to coach
your football team this season." asks the
visitor Of tEc quarterback.
Samson Huskiman? Don't repeat that
name on the campus"
why, is there anything wrong about
Wrong? Listen. Instead Of playing
with the boys this year. what do you sup
pose he is going 10 d0:'
Going into professional athietics?"
"Worse-infnitely worse. lie has &C
o,tstrator for e hair tonic. Judge.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1903-12-19
Broker Parts Supplied.

"My brother bought an automobile
here last week." said an angry man to
the salesman who stepped forward 10
greet him. and he says sou told him if
anything broke you would supply new
part"
Certainly" said the clerk. What
does ne want?'
He wants two deltoid muscles,
couple Of kneepans. one elbow and about
half n yard of cutcle," said the man.
''and be wants EN- right away. Y0uth's
CompaniOn.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1903-12-19
Nothing Like Being Certain.

Patience-Do you enjoy riding Is: an
automobile?
Patrice-No. / can't say that | do.
You can't toll half Of the time whether
you are sitting on the cushions or in the
lap Of the man next to you.
Il suppose that is discouraring. You
generally want TO know for sure when
you're In q mans lap, don't you, dear:"
-Y0nkers Statesman.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1903-12-19

Il was In New Jersey regiment"
said the doctor. and i'm the winter of
1862 we We're camped at Fairview with
three regiments of Vermont troops Our
regiment was newer than the others.
and was nearly as strong in numbers
as the three Vermont regiments We
were Camped ON the slope OF a hill, and
the Volunteers above us nearer the
summit. The camp was beautiful
one and camp life very pleasant When
Il heavy snow came the Vermonters
challenged us to snow fight, and we
accepted. We organized under field of.
ticers as did the Vermonters, and we
fully believed we could charge up the
hill and drive them out of their camp.
We made the charge We went up
IN good shape. Snowballs flew as thick
as bullets at Gettysburg But the Yer
monters were old snow fighters They
not only stopped our charge but drove
MS back down the hill. After that
whenever we passed the Vermont rcgi.
mcntS the men would shout, Hunt
your holes. Jarseys.' At last our boys
determined TO get even. Some Of tho
men killed a large dog. skinned and
dressed tho carcass, and hung II up in
plain sight Of the Vermont camp. We
made show Of putting guards about
It, knowing the Ncrmonters, suppos
ing the carcass TO he that of a sheep
would attempt TO steal IT, The plan
was to LET them have it, and when they
made their raid, our guards were moi
alert and the dog carcass was carried
OFF
We awaited developments In state
OF wild expectancy, and our spies rc.
ported that the Ncrmontcrs suspecting
no trick were on the point OF dividing
the carcass among several mcsses. BE.
fore this was done. however, the char
actcr Of the meat was discovered and
the carcass was thrown away. After
that whenever q man of our regiment
met Il NermOntor he would whistle. and
when the Jerseymen passed the Yer.
montcrs on the march or in line all the
thc former would whistle and all the
latter would shout. Hunt your holes.
Jarseys.' Whenever / hear n whistle
on the street now ] think of the frollrs
the .Ierseymcn had in war time. Chi.
ago Inter Ocean.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1903-12-19


The following is told by a New York.
or who wears Grand Army badge.
The boys Of the l07th supported
Cothercn's Battery at Antictam AZ
about the hottest OF the fight the en-
cmy maSSed themselves opposite our
front for an assault on C0therens 30.
sition. The battery was short Of am
muniti0u, and 50 reserved their ire.
while throughout the whole field there
was a iuli i'm the tumult The Confed-
crates advanced ia n solid mass with
precision Of movement perfectly
beautiful. II was a moment which
tried the nerves of the braycst. In the
meantime one Of our lads. becoming
quite interested ii the affair climbed II
high rock where he could view ibr
whole scene. He occupied his place
unmiudful Of the bullets which were
buzziug like bees around MS. The Con
fedcrates came on until we could see
their faces, and then Cotheren poured
the canister into them. The advancing
column was literally torn to pieces by
tbFiAh ~" tAA'iN wa tIiS TUCK became
frantic In his demonstrations Of de-
light and as one Of the battery sec
tl1n sent a shrapnel which moved
down long row Of Johnnies he swung
his cap, and shouting so that the fly
Ing Confederates could hear him, sung
out:
Bull-e-e-e. Set EN- up on the other
alley"-Clncinbati Enquirer