Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-10-27
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OF independence signed! IOmmy-Al
the bottom.-Chicago Daily News.
Mrs. Kidlett-John, why do you al
ways call our boy coffee" Mr.. Kid
lett-'Cause he keeps us awake nights
Philadelphia Evening Bulletin.
Suggestive-Knicke it an up.
to-date wedding? Knocker-Yes, in
deed; they threw breakfast food in.
stead Of rice.-New York Herald.
An absorbing narrative: First Phil
adelphian-How is that book? Excit.
ing? Second Philadelphian-Why
sat up all day reading it!-Town Top.
les.
At the seaside: Clerk-That back
piazza is pretty shaky. It may break
down some night. Proprietor-Musi
it be rebuilt? Clerk-Oh. no; light II
Uptown Topics.
At the photographers: "Have the
pleasant expression you need?" (Voice
from under the cloth)-Perfectly. sir. y
''Then let her go quick, governor; it
hurts my face."-Life.
! Anew Annunciator Gn cheap
lodging house)-Say, there amt no bell
| in my room. Clerk-Dat'n be all right,
mister. If youse want anything wiring
de towel. See?-Chicago News.
AS defined: "Say, mamma" queried
little Mary Ellen. whats dead let
ter?" "Any letter that is given to
your father to mail, my DEAR" replied
! the wise mother.-Chicag News.
Employer-Yes, 1 advertised for a
strong boy. Think you will fill the
bill? Applicant-Well, I just finished
lickin' nineteen other applicants out
in de all.-Philadelphia Inquirer.
The Ruling Power.-The Peddler-I
| want to see the mistress of the house.
The Master-Do you? Then step
around to the kitchen door and ask
for the cook.-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Sincerity: Zone O. de sad things
| bout dis life," said Uncle Eden, sis
dat it's so much easier to depend on
de enmity of yoh enemies dan on de
friendship of yoh friends. ."-Washing
ton Star.
Lacked experience: Mamma-Don't
let me catch you in a lie again, you
naughty boy! JOHNNY won't If I
can help it; but 1 haven't had the ex-
perience that pa has had-Boston
Transcript
"I'm glad to see that you respect
your parents, Elmer" said the minis
ter. ''rve just got to do it," replied
oifhovs nf
them could lick me with one hand
Chicago News.
First Expiorer-We must hurry
back. Second Explorer-But the
North Pole is ours if we keep on.
First Explorer-But if we don't get
back now, We'll be too late for the lee
ture seaSon.-Life.
Had won her: The chronic bachelor
finally turned to the quiet man, who
had taken no part in the discussion.
"Would you, SIR" he said, marry the
best woman in the world?" 81 did"
was the reply.-Judge.
Young Wife-What do you do when
your husband gets cross and wants to
scold? Wife with experience read
him one or two of the letters he used
to write to me before we were mar
ried.-Baltimore American.
Bigby-Pm saving up money to go
to Europe Higby-Indeed! How are
you getting on? Bigby-Fine! I've al
ready got together enough for the
tips, and as soon as I can scare up
travelling expenses I'm off.-Chicago
Daily News.
Not a Giles-Take two letters
from money" and one is left Miles
is that joke? Eyes, verify" swell,
1 know of fellow who took money
from two letters" That's a good
joke" mot it; he got twelve monthsp'
Spare Moments.
Patsy-Mom, won't yer gimme me
candy, now? Mrs. Casey-Didn't Oh
tell ye OF wouldn't give ye amy at all
if We didn't kape still? Patsy-Yes'm.
but Mrs. Casey-Well. the fsnger
We kape still the sooner yell get it.
Phila delphia Press.
st reckon you won't believe it," re-
marked Farmer Hayrix, "but that old
rooster what jist crowd is more'n 20
years Old" "Oh, believe it all right
enough" replied the summer boarder,
"and 1 am also willing to believe that
the old hen we had for dinner was his
grandmother.-Chica Daily News.
Casey Shure, they do be tellin' me
that Big Moike Monohan wor knock
ed down be an autymobile, Yesterday;
wor there any bones broke, 1 dunno?
Conley-Troth, an there wor; tn own
er av tn divil-wagon got his nose
broke, th' chawfer got his jaw broke,
an Big Moike broke tn sicond knuckle
av his roight fsht!-Puck.
Peters-Her marriage is like a ro-
nance. Parr-So? Peters-Yes; she
eloped with her fathers chauffeur.
The automobile blew up and killed
him before they got to the minister.
The man who rescued her from the
wreck proposed to her on the way
home, and was accepted. They were
married observation-disclosures Ameri-
can.
No difference: The Frenchman did