davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1903-12-27

second nature, and accompanies The nus
bnnu homo. Wives, on detecting the evil,
forthwith scream outAngalnst It.. THIS
makes old Pop put on extra steam to DO
reserved and tlifiident-iot TINT It's al.
ways comfortable to be so. but because all
husbands like to defy their wives III GER
tain little things. IF YOU want to clinch
a n'syldiosyncrasies ana perpetunto his
cantankerousness Just sick his wife on
him. That settle him for forever. For
IL tho truth must be confessed. there IS
far more Of tho mule than the monkey
In man. And marriage, be 1t said. gives
tho woman n chance to see this masculine
quality as through magnifying glass.
II But stop: this is not q public address
before n spnister's convention, and IN
commenting thus on husbands 1t Is not
my purpose to excoriate them. Quite
tho contrary We are now trying 70
rescue old Pop In time for noXt Christ
mas, go that lie may reform before the
undertaken gets him. And the thing
above all others which he has got to do IS
to exhumc his sentlment-dg It up from
the strata Of cyniclsm and pessi1nlsm ana
suspicion and supposed dignity "hlch LOT LOT
so mnny years have cncrusted 1t. true,
the whole frivolous business may be en-
penSlTe, ana tneTc 8 no uehsl"5 ~ 80. 80
that tho mince-meat pie one eats at TINS
season Is monstrously lndigestible, yet
what Of It.! Fortunately for ones liver,
Christmas comes but once a year, but
what the use of having liver anyhow
If one can't maltreat It or rather let 1t
maltrcat him. For my part ! recall as
the happiest moments Of my life the
times when have defled this vndictiVe
organ and clcnching my teeth (on some
delicious morsel Of food> have said to
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1903-12-27

leading cities Of that country, nnd later
mako tour Of the Continent, On his
return he intends@to live for a time In
Washington returning occasionally to-
Lincolnville 43
A number OF his .old friends met with
him In the post office on the evening pre-
ced1ng his departure from Lincolnville.
IT wish l was going with you, colonel"
said Flanagan, the brakeman. "1ve never
been across the pond, and l don't suppose
I ever will"
there's an Irishman who never was on
the other side!" exclaimed Postmaster
Jenkins. What do you think OF that,
Judge2"
II was born in this state. me and my
father before me-" declared Flanagan.
That's no reason why i shouldn't like
to see tho land of my forefathers."
my forfathers all came from this coun-
try, as near as / can find out" asserted
Jenkins proudly "Thls country was
good enough for them. and It's good
IT you've got the money and the time, as
the colonel has. to so prowlinE around
foreign lands looking at ruins and things,
but them places haven't got anything to
teach US. We come pretty near knowing
how to run things over here. and guess
| the colonel will find 1t out before he gets
back. This Is the only country on the
face OF the globe
This certainly is q great country" said
| Colonel Monroe with q quiet smile, "but
some Of the best authorities are disposed
| to concede that 1t is not the only one.
| When r had finished my common school
course was even more prejudiccd in favor
| Of Our exclusive greatness than our
| friend jenkins. It was considered the
proper thing then to lnstil into the minds
: Of our youth the idea Of the pre-cmnent
superiority Of our country to the belit-
Element, If not to the ridicule, Of all others.
To my school boy mind the distinguish
Ing feature OF the French people was the
! fact that they ate frogs. There was
one Frenchman In our village, and we all
ways called him The Frog nter' China
had a place on tho map by reason Of tho
fact that tho principal occupation Of its
Inhabitants was the catching and eating
Of rats. To my Imagination all Germans
were Dutchmen, and all wore wooden
greatness was the fact that It took the
United States, or rather George Wash
| ington, seven years to lick her"
II had very much the Same IDEAS" adj
mitted Judge Sawyer, land It has always
1 puzzled me to know how ] obtained them.
text books, =
1T was partly from the text books and
| partly from the school masters" said the
| colonel, 1.-THE average school history OF
. those days-and they are only shade
1 better now-was calculated to create q
i patriotic prejudice. rather than to glvo
the youth anything like q fair perspective
j OF nations and events. With the single
exception OF Benedict Arnold, all Of our
| American historical characters arc saints,
varying only In the sanctity OF their pure
| and unselnsh patriotism. There were
unnumbered bad characters In all other
countrIes-Benedct Arnold was the only
exception to the monotonous line of vr-
tue in our own We have recently dis
covered that Benedict was not at fault,
4 and was IN fact one of the greatest Of
i our great men. This makes the slate
| clean"
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1903-12-27

Even tho Queen Bee. who has NIL
croscopic eye for detecting the defects IN
my character cannot accuse mo or sem
sitiveness as to my ago. or self-depfccla-
! tfon on account Of my SEX and yet rear
that we're she to know how feel every
x Christmas day. she would lay aside all
her household duties to deliver Il public
lecture ctitcizing my masculine pcculiar'-
ties. For to tell you tho truth, the 10Th
Of December never comes around without
at first giving me a creepy. melancholy
feeling which tells mo that something IN
my life is gone; that am venerable
dos who has had hts day. With the
women folks It Is different: they live
over their youth with their children, but
In the jurisdiction of Santa Claus there
apparently Is no place for men. True we
are iJoneses who pay tho freight, but the
youngsters are the consgnces, while the
petticoated saints are the consignors. Mo-
body thinks Of letting old Pop" into the
merry yuletide game His nppclatlve np-
pears in the firm, name and the primary
liability Is upon him, but gracious. who
would ever suspect that no wanted +.
Kringle to bring anything. And yet as q
matter Of fact, old Pop may be very
tender-hearted, though grumpy soul, VINO
Is literally bristling with sentiment I'm
fortunately however. he doesn't show 1t
and therein lies his undoing From long
force Of habit in the business world old
Pop acquires what he calls foxiness, which
An reality Is nothing more than kind Of
striy repeilart reserve. At first, especial
" VIXEN the male animal is young and
frank and senerous-he hearted. II goes pretty
hard TO assume this species Of difiidence,
hut by and by. 1t hardens the man until
he becomes as calloused as an armadillo.
Then the reserve gets to be a sort OF
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1903-12-27

banner district In Mississippi But there
are other districts q whole lot worse than
yours"
II don't believe interrupted Snlvely.
and the lawyer cut On with How do you
know?''
'Whcn we get all the testimonials In"
answered the Little Doc. "l'll tell you-
for you have q right to know. But
insist that every man shall make the re-
port which he came into this meeting
intending to mako"
The others didn't put OH the enthusiasm
pedal quite 80 thick as the first ones. but
they stuck to II that party sentiment
was strong and healthy" and that their
districts could be counted on to roll
up good majorities for Mckinley and
sound money Then the national COM
mittecman' Fold just how many weak
spots he could pft his finger on in any
particularfterritoa w. and he closed the ar
gument BY telling the men who had jun.
ed in the cry foH his resignation, that II
+ they didn't stir up things from one end
Of the. Stntet to- the other, the whole
campaign would be lost and the. re-
sponsibillty would rest on their
shoulders. jslsS
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1903-12-27

of Man" he tells Us Of the strange Ideas
about right and wrong that used to DO
believed hundreds Of years ago. For
instance, among the Australian savages,
when q man loses his wife through sick
ness. he believes 1t to be his duty to go
TO nearby village and kin some other
mans wife II he does not do this he
feels that he has done wrong,
Many tribes OF savases and even some
nations that called themselves civilized,
have believed II to be right to pu, little
ba bies to death Children were not re-
garded as having any rights. even to
life, II the baby were q. girl. 1t was
thought to be good and y!rtuous act
Ia Taxa IT. ufs, because women could nat
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1903-12-27

.T ia reycngef,il thing: Aha. do your
worst; l spurr you, Yes. the root o. 7. ~.
$the misery which men feel on Christmas
IN y tsp,inss from their own perversity ana
from, = secret desire to irritate the women
WHO arc overtly and honestly ent husiasl ic
In their efforts to please the children. as =
d matter Of fact too. when OLD Top rev. e'4lA
that the day IS a melancholy one lor hi !. :,
there Is tincture OF jealousy IN ms ms
grumplness and Just little SUNG !. o. y.
wounded vanity. lie doesn't exactly Know no"
what he wants and yet he feels hurt that
somebody doesn't tell him what no wants
and then hustle to get It for him. The
offending somebody In question is IN.
variably his wife. That dear soul. OF
course Is cngrossed In the pleasures @ the
Juvenile property-destroyer and seernlns 3
ly she is unaware Of the fact that she
has a husband.
Ana If pcrchance she consults her lord
and master about any trivial matter, ING
toplofty individual does not deign 70
come down Off his perch, but merely pooh
poohs the fuss and stir going on ABOUT
him. He superciiiously surveys t[ln e
snurming mass of Juvenile wrigElers
so,thinr before hin, and predicts that they
will be dog-tireh by & clock; he swears
that the man who invented baby-wakers
should he tarred and feathered Gas he
should) he insists that the holidays para
Nlyze trade and clog the wheels OF every
industry; he sententiously remarks that
one has 10 pay double for every present
he receives no pompously announces
that a multiplicity Of gifts hefuddle ana
obfuscate children instead OF max ne
them happy and last but not least he
solen,nly niflrms-as the choicest OF all
his pesslmistic tid-bits-that Christmas
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1903-12-27
SMOKING TOO MUCH
Nearly Seven Billion Cigars Used
BY American People in 1902.

The tobacco bill Of the American people
has grown to an enormous Size The
people Of the country use more tobacco
and snuff every year While the men
spend more money on tobacco. the wo.
men are doing Il larger business with
snuff than ever before. There were 3l0,-
C54, $50 pounds OF tobacco and lS S4o.747
pounds Of snuff withdrawn from ware
houses for consumption during the last
fiscal year, not counting S.S45,2l7 pounds
Withdrawn for export, making total
OF the two articles Of 1887, 500 COB pounds
used, against 32S,4si,42s pounds in tho
preceding fiscal year.
a total Of 0.7S7 .454 los cigars was with
drawn for smoking. an increase Of CO.
437lsl over the preceding year. Cigar
cites smoked during the last fiscal year
numbered 3.o54,ss3 $780, an increase Of
357, 2l3, .lo3 over tho year before,
The Increased use Of leaf tobacco In
ten years has been enormous. In 1893
tho total number Of pounds of leaf
tobacco used IN the production OF to-
bacco. snuff. cigars and cigarettes was
olz,oUt ,Otu. III IiUa, luc 54'6uAS S ~. s''
year not being available. the total was
427, 553064 pounds.
The States Of Missouri, North Carolina,
kentucky, Virginia. Ohio, New Jersey,
New York and Illinois. In the order
named. were the largest producers OF
both chewing and smoking tobacco
There was total increase Of 3aSl7 SAG
pounds In the materials used in tho man.
ufacture Of tobacco and snuff as COM
pared with the preceding fiscal year.
The production OF tobacco by the prln-
cipal States was as follows: Missouri,
S4 $50 Gal pounds; North Carolina, 81
| 4209, 5o3 pounds; Kentucky, 49, ,Gs(
pounds, Virginia, 3l,Go2,79o pounds; OHIO
%, 437 $40 pounds; New Jersey. 2l.22o, oS4
pounds. &
There wers oe,42s cigar and MT cigar
cite factories in operation. Virginia man.
ufaotured AGO, 7o23A cigars. using A.o9o,6o:
pounds of toba Geo, North Carolina makes
comparatively few cigars, putting most
OF her manufacture into plug and othe!
tobaccos. North Carolina, for instance,
used only ls8254 mounds OF tobacco n
cigars and made only O,4o3.030 cigars.
New Jersey produced more SNUFF than
any other State, the total being b,5s3.322;;
pounds. nearly one-thrd Of all that Wat
| used, -IYashington STAR
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1903-12-27
n MANS CHRISTMAS EVOLUTION
The Idle Reporter Tells How Some Husbands Can
Manufacture Grievances from Very Limited Material.
HIS APPEAL TO SANTA CLAUS.

for Christmas fenst nfter witch lie
s proceeds to gorge himself to the muzxleA-
q little Inconsistency which the rest OF the
family are too happy or too charitable ID
notice. BY and Sby, however as tho food
begins to asslmilate with the venerable
Bhyona's gall. Pop finds himself becoming
moro genial. II
He even cracks one or two Jokes
cynical wittlcisms, It is true--btit pretty
good according to the jocund Pops why
OF thinking. After the household has
dutifully laughed at those Jokes, Pop
loosnns UP Immediately and all or sud
dn1jnablc. Intangible little twinge OF ten
dc,ness which comes over hln1.@ Then
soine hing tells him that no has been
very, very ugly and he looks repronoh-
fully at his wife. For wives are always
arosponsble for tho moral uglincss OF
kushands. 81 81 4. N l(f3l3
Half an hour later. when Pop begins to
feel that postprandial benignity, which Is
q peculiar characteristic OF man, he sud-
denly recalls the fact that the children
have given him a box Of cigars and that
on receiving them earlier In the day, he
had rngracionsly remarked: "SYell. Kids,
here's something else In the way OF ex-
nense that the old man will have to
stand for
With his dinner reposing In 1uxtaposi-
ton to his vest, Pop now realizes that
this was n hidcous remark to mako.
Full OF contritlon, he bitterly con.
sures his wife for having, as he thinks,
inspired him to wound the feelings Of
the little ones. The more he reflects on
the matter the tenderer he feels towards
the Lilllputian sinners who are now max
ing the day hideous. Nay. more; he act
unlly sneaks out and hurrying to a near
BY shop, buys fireworks for tho young
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1903-12-27
HOW A MAN LEARNS TO ACT RIGHTLY.
ERBERT N. CUSSON.y

what was right, They had to be hon-
est and loyal to men whom they had
looked upon as foreigners, In this way.
by slow degrees. came the morality OF
to-day, which teaches us that It Ia as
wrong to injure a foreigner as to njure
one of our own family,
Tho highest morality, says Darwin, y
ia be able to control our thoughts as
want to do an Injury to any one When
We can do this. then we act rightly, not
because we arc afraid OF the police, not
BECAUSE we want people to speak we'll
Of us. not because we are afraid iof being
found out, but because acting rightly
gives Us most pleasure and satisfaction.
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1903-12-27

manhood to como right out and say 4,
soins thing tells him TINT II Is lncffably
sweet to own n wife who loves herychil-
t,rcn--llls children-thelr children. And
after that, tho old hyonh. without saying
much, feels very resigned to Christmas
49, $50 s#ttSi
New the burden Of my Christmas carol
Is Tits; Henceforth want Santa Claus
TO take iull husbands In charge. and to
SEQ that their socks arc us we'll filled as
a tho stockings OF tho children. would
have him mako the hosiery Of husbands
plethorlc with optlrnism. bullying With
fortcnrance and bursting with Yuletfde
merriment l would have him bring devil
claascrs to tho brutes--dcvil- chnsers to-
pursue the fIends from the morbid souls
of some husbands ind to syst out tho
masculine demons thnt torment faithful
loving. dutiful wives. And above all
things. would have tho rubicund dis
pcnser OF Christmas cheer bring cornu-
ccpias Of sentiment to those grumpy.
porcuplnisf males, who see evil In every
unrestricted human emotion and suspect
the noblcst impulses Of their fcllow-nan.
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1903-12-27

opened on this point when they saw
how brave gentle woman could be when
her children were IN danger,
Little by little came what Darwin calls
"the Law of HONOR BY this he means
that we like to have the good opinion OF
our fricnda A man who feels like kills
ms an enemy holds himself back be-
cause no does not want his friends 70
to steal tries TO DO honest, because he
does not want his friends to call him q
thief.
When several tribes united to make a
nation, so as to protect Themselves from
some strong enemy, then al the membeTs
Of the tribe had 70 set plg1eg ideas Of
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1903-12-27

and even HI Them, The mind OF q saw
age Is not big enough to take in the
people who do not belong to his tribe,
Little by little the savages learned to
repect the man who did not tell lies,
ana who was not SO greedy as tho others
He was chosen to BIO the leader, and then
he compelled the others to act better
toward each other. What the leader
he told them not to do was wrong.
1t was long time before savage MAJ
tons learned tho value OF Kindness. They
had the idea that every brave man had
to be cruel, There was no gentlemen, IN
the real sense OF the word, among the
saYsyss, Very likely their eyes were
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1903-12-27

fight when the tribe was attacked,
Among some tribes In West Africa and
South America suicide was regarded as
a brave and noble act Almost all saw
ages look upon bravery as good thing,
even though II Is the bravery OF q cruel
murder and robbery Darwin speaks o.
coward is called the worst man IN the,
tribe, no matter how clever he may be,
In India there Is tribe OF natives
called Thugs, who make their liylns py
murder and robbery, Darwin speakso {
one of these Thugs who said, when no
was dying that he was sorry that ne
had not killed as many people 80 his
father had
Cruelty and drunkenness ars not
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1903-12-27
gters una incidentally spends tof times

,1aNts y Hl4JT3 az =
tsters und incidentally spends ten times
is much as his wife would have done In
her most extravagant moments
This inngnanimous act eases old Pops
mind Immensely. I1e now feels ut peace
with all tho world except ono person
his wife. Her he would treat coldly II
only sho would offer him q chance; but
tho, good woman, somehow. seems TO DO
givlng herself UP, entirely to the children.
sssss i
In the face OF such provocation, old Pop
tries desperately hard to work up nli-
other grlcvnnco, but innsnuch as It takes
tseast two to lnnuglrnte grievance,
tho effort fails You should understand,
too that by now Pop Is finding II rather
irksome running trouble bureau I'LL BY
himself. VI RE still feels that he would
oxult In one last lingering cynical shot at
somebody, but nobody appears within
range. f3
When his Queen Bee does finally ap-
neat there Is look on her face which
somehow dlsarms him. Though some
What bedraggled BY her efforts to keep
the Kindergarten running successfully.
and just little bit weary. she appears
to have gotten several years younger
Pop likes this Never was that old
cOdgcr born who didn't love to have II
younger looking wife. And after all. she
doesn't appear 50 indifferent.to him, for
she runs her fingers through his hair III
very affectionate way and tells him he
ne ecls shave In tho tenderest OF tones.
Finally she even pcnetrates the ALBANIAN
tino heart Of the aggrleved one when she
says. Dear, I'm worried about you.
Somehow you didn't see INTO DO enjoying
the dinncr.'
Pop admits that he never has on ap-
petite OF, Christmas, but by now he Is
quite softencd. While he doesn't have tho
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1903-12-27

thought to be wrong among savages' AZ
soon as tribe becomes partly Civilized
It stops cruelty among Its own members
but It takes delight In torturing the mem
bers or a foreign tribe.
Little by little. says Darwin, the saw
ages found out that no tribe could hold
togetlicr II the people stole from one
another, or killed one another, or re-
mics, Whatever helped the whole tribe
was right. Whatever injured the whole
tribe was wrong,
Among kayases outsiders have no
rights. It la thought to be q good moral
j, not to cheat them, and steal from them
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1903-12-27

isn't lilso 1t used to DO when he ", was 4. a
boy. Y
y This last declaration, instead OF thr0e'
the whole household into spusmn OF woe,
passes unnotlced, for MS a matter or fact
nobody Is paying any particulars ttention
to what old Pop Is saying. Three nun
drcd and sixty-four DAYS In tho year his
acrimonious utternnces are received With
conscientious Difference but son this oc-
cnsion they nro Ignored And IN his
heart Of hearts old Pop Is glad they are
for snarl as he may, tho tlme-scared
sco,lndrel realizes that as calamity
towler he Is an awful bore, and that hui
man nature likes to relax at timos--to
exult III doing things which, according to
ali tho cunons Of common sense are down
right foolish. Indeed old Pop. upon re-
Election, suddenly recalls with alarming
vivldness certain occasions when he made
a monumental ass OF himself, or worse
still, when lie allowed somebody else 70
make e. monumental ass Of him. And
so, the more he tries to goad himself
on the thinking how foolish other people
are, the smaller and smaller seems his
own wisdom. by noon he gets such a
clear idea Of his o,:n weaknesses that
lie is utite bitter against his wife, 1t
Is mans privilege, you know. even when
he has al, overwhelming sense OF his own
smallness, to put the entire blame on his
spouses's shoulders. Then mental pro-
cesses by which he reaches his conclusions
may be nebulous. but the conclusions
are none the less sharply defined.
When dinnerSls served dear old por-
cupineish Pop. still struggling to make
himself noticeable by his disagreeable-
,ot, t1,n hn
no human being ever yet had an appetite
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1903-12-27

OLONEL MONROE has left
], Lincolnville, and Is on his way
to Europe. He will spend some
time in England studying the
Y municipal governments of the
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1903-12-27
q attlirlSs Of .
Retired Politician

By FORREST cRlssEY, Author Of the Country Boy"
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1903-12-27

the LONG. slow way by which the hu-
man racs learned to act rightly.
Darwin. did not write like most sol
entists. He used simple words, Almost
anyone who can read good novels can
read his books and understand the great
~ part OF what he reads. This little
article Is not written to make Darwin's
IDEAS any clearer. but to call attention TO
the interesting facts that anyone can
6nd In his books.
"a tbs Souy,A ohaptG OF 'Ths Descent
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1903-12-27

.7III2 GREAT Charles Darwin, in
: his book, THE Descent Of
Man." which you can buy
al from street peddlers for tWen,
Nj ty-fiys cents. tells us all ABOUT
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1903-12-27
Colonel M0nroe's Doctrine
The Colonel Bids His Lncolnvle Friends Adeu With
Parting Remarks On the Topic Of Our National Conce

Observation-Disclosures oooOOooooooOooooOo0