davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-08-28
Unexpectcsi Humor.

In my early days | once tried to en-
gage as model big negro who made
living out OF chewing glass IN sundry
barrooms for the entertainment of
those gathered there.
IL want TO paint you" | said when
he had taken round the hat after his
performance.
What culIah, bossT he asked suspi-
eiously
why. natural color, OF course" l re-
Piled II want to paint your face, you
know"
Yah; Use not taking any, boss" he
said firmly The cullah Pse got IS
good enough for this chile"
once nearly got hammered for max
ing colored sketch from life OF very
respectable golf caddie In an attitude Of
ease. subsequently adding n street cor
ner as background and sending IT 10
an exhibition under the title "a Loaf
er." The man came round 10 see me In
violent rage. said he was "a bloOmin'
respectable. 'igh class golf caddie and
no loafer" and If didn't alter the title
OF that dashed picture he'd either put
his solicitor on TO me or jolly we'll bash
me.
Oh. yes: there's lot Of humor about
II you only look for 1t I'm places where
you don't expect 20 find H. - Tom
Browne IN Booklovers' Magazine.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-08-28

Tho love OF many women may be as
great. hut OF few Is 1t at once so wise
and 50 great rs that which Charles
kingsley had for his children. For the
sake of their health lac buih for them
IN outdoor nursery on the highest
point Of HE rectOry house, and there he
would toin them when MS work was
done. bringing wild flower, fern.
beetle, lizard, a field mousc 0r some
thing that would draw forth their
powers n observation and make them
fond OF the works OF Gods hand. oh
daddy. look at this delightful worTnF
one Of his guests heard. not without
surprise. his little girl say. Kingsley
wos careful not 70 confuse his children
bv multitude Of small rules. 1T Is
difficult enough 70 keep the Ten Com
mandments." De would say. without
making an eleventh IN every direc-
ton" He had 30 moods" with his
family. for he cultivated by strict self
discipline. Ia the midst OF worries and
pressing business. n dlsengaged tenn
per. that always enabled him TO enter
into other peoples interests, and es-
pecially into chlldren's piayfulncss. He
became light hearted boy IN the
presence Of his children. When nurs-
cry griefs and broken TOYS were taken
10 his study he was never TOO busy to
mend the toy and dry the tears.-Chi-
cagO Record Herald.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-08-28
Good POINTS In Dogs.

Among the many canine qualities
worthy OF imitation lover OF the
-four footed brothers emphasizes
their contented resignation TO the cir
cumstances OF life Dogs. he says, 90
not go about trying 70 do good 70 other
dogs by urging them to bark 10 the
same key and bite with the same tooth
as themselves, nor, which is merciIu.
provision of nature, do they become
bored by the people with whom their
lot is cast and want 90 try q new mas
ter every few months Whatever the
disadvantages OF their bones may be-
they stand by them and make a cheer
ful best of It. over and again dog
puts his heart before his Outraged
stomach and lets his affections domi
nate his indigestion rather than deseT'
his master for better boam. Many q
master, concludes the dog champion
would do we'll TO emulate in points lik6
these the meanest OF his little yeiio"
trurS"
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-08-28

Penguins have an extraordinary
amount OF vitality and are harder 10
kill than any ordinary cat. The writer
onco hod occasion 10 kill a large bird
aboard his ship. the Southern Cross
and. making use OF the weapon next
his hand. he drove large spike square
IL through the creatures head and IN
lshed the operation by mailing 1t fast TO
the deck. That,scemcd to make the JOB
very complete. and he went below
decks for dinner. Coming mp an hour
later his astoplshment was prodiglous
on beholdng the penguin, head erect
nippers out. weddiing about appareht-
IS without thought OF the spike. when
still remainedtranshXed In his Uranium.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-08-28
The Zee and His Useful sting.

II will be surprise 70 many 10 learn
that the most important function OF
the bees sting is not stinging, says
bee rniser. ! have long been convinced
that the bees put the finishing touches
on their artistic cell work 10y the dex-
ferrous use OF their stlngs, and during
this final finishing stage Of the process
Of honey making the bees inject Il mi
mute portion OF formic acid into the
honey.
This is I'm reality the poison of their
sting This formic acid gives 10 honey
its peculiar flavor and also imparts to
IL its keeping qualities. The sting Is
really an exquisitely cOntrived little
trowel with which the bee finishes OH
and caps the cells when they are filed
brlmful with honey. While doing this
the formic acid passes from the point
OF tho sting. and the beautiful work Is
finished.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-08-28

The London Lancet cOmmend5 the
practice of drinking coffee after din
Der. ss coffee IS an antidote 20 alcohol
Those whose digestions are disturbed
by the use of hot coffee nre advised to
secure the advantages Of It's stimulat
Ing properties 10y taking it in the form
OF Jelly. We are assured that clear
coffee ielly after dinner j. every bit a.
mood as the hot infusion, while it Is
free from some OF its drawbacks. Coz
fee. unlike alcohol. diminishes organic
waste. rouses the muscular energy
without the collapse which follows al
coholic inhibition. and gelatin In the
form Of Jelly is cooling. assuages thirst
is soothing and has tendency to ab'
sorb any excessive acldlry of the stom-
ach
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-08-28

The dance Of the ostrich IL one Of
those peculiar native customs which
certain fowls develop. without any ap-
parent incentive except it may be the
law VI hcrcdity. 1t usually occurs nj
early morning, when the young. strong
birds are let out of their inclosure, and
is said 10 be entirely due 90 awkward
ness and uncertainty. This leads them
10 advance and turn I'm deryiSh-like
Thirl which II very quaint and fantas-
tic. as they hoat about assisting their
motions by their Outspread wings.
They circle and reverse almost as n
waltZer would. and when large mum
Der OF these strange birds 60 through
their dancing antics II IS almost i'm
possible 10 believe that thr. we not
been taught the accomplishment by n
dancing master. Their waltz often
ends IN disaster. as they break each
others legs. which IS certain death, or
become dizzy and fall down in a de-
moralizcd heap. The kick OF an ostrich
ha., been known 70 destroy life.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-08-28
Fashion Models.

Fashion models who pose for pho-
tographer are not to be confused for
moment with those other models who
pose for artists. The camera and the
brush are far different mediums. one
can hide or forget blemishes, but the
other tells the truth, the whole truth
and nothing but the truth, says the
Baltimore Herald. An artist can add
few inches to a models height or
change the curve Of her shoulders or
her nose or give her peariy teeth In
stead of irregular. discolored ones, or
make any other Improvement he de-
sires; but the photographer can but
press the bulb of his lens. Retouching
Is unavailing If the model has assumed
a gawky. ungraceful pose. Not all the
kings horses and all the kings men
can make camera transform an awk-
ward woman into beauty.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-08-28

In suburban school teacher once
proved that IL may be embarrassing to
nse oneself as an illustration She was
hearing n class In sisl'ing and defining
words The word orphan" had been
correctly spelled, hut none OF the class
seemed 10 know rs meaning. After
asking one or two Of them she said on
couragincly:
"Now. try again. I am an orphan.
Now can't some Of you guess what 1t
means?"
The blank look on their faces re-
moinod unul one of the scholars raised
lis hand and said, ID the most guile
less manner possible:
'Tfs some one that wants to get mar
ried and can't get Il husband.'
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-08-28

Harold, the fiye-year-old son OF Il
Presbyterian minister. was being pre-
narcd for bed. He had spent n very
active day al coasting and was weary
and very sleepy.
~Now, Harold, kneel down by nam
ma and say your little prayer"
"But. mamma half asleep. with MS
head on her shoulder
"Re mammals good boy. now" coax
ingly. Thank God for all his goodness
TO you"
But Harold was asleep.
His mamma gently aroused him
Harold, don't be- naughty. BE a good
boy. now. and thank Jesus for the nice
home you have. the warm clothing and
fire to keep you warm, and mamma
and papa to love you. Think OF the
poor little boys who are hungry and
cold tonight. no mamma TO love them
no warm bed TO GO to. and
"But. mamma" interrupted the
sleepy boy. reused 10 q protest, !
think them's the fellers that ort to dC
the prayin' '"-Lippincott's.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-08-28
A Record In Name signing.

Iuclus Chittenden claimed the record
FOR signing his name as n government
employee. 1t was In 1862, while he
was registrar OF the treasury. y bond
issue of S1OOOO,OO0 was made neces-
sary by the efforts Of our minister TO
England, Charles Francis Adams, 10
prevent the delivery Of two ships build
ihg I'm England To the Confederates.
The bond issue was necessary 20 fur
nish security against damages If the
case should go against the United States
I'm the English courts. Chlttenden was
notified at noon Friday TO get the bond
issue ont. and ne did 80 I'm time To have
the bonds taken TO New York by spe-
clal train NJ 1 o'clock on the following
Monday. Not three years ago he pre-
pared a magazine article In which he
Gains 10 have signed his name 31OO
times IN seven hours nj that time, and
to have reached speed Of ten sigma
lures n minute. In all he signed his
name 12,5O0 times In the period given,
and had TO have the aid OF an army
surgeon to care for his arm after the
first twelve hours. He did not stop to
eat. but took food IN liquid form, he
says, and slept at his dssk.-Washing-
ton Post.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-08-28
Roll pincIng In London In 1000.

Here is an extract from journal or
the year 1909: ON arriving IN London
We heard n great ringing Of bells IN
almost all the churches going on very
late i'm the evening. We were informed
that the young people DO that for the
sake Of exercise and amusement and
sometimes they pay considerable sums
as wager who VIII pull bell the
longest and ring II IN the most ap-
proved fashion. Parishes spend much
money IN tremendously sounding bells,
that one being preferred which has the
best bells. The old queen IS said 70
have been pleased very much by this
exercise. considering It as q sign OF the
health OF the people They do not ring
the bells for the dead. When person
lies In agony the bells OF the parish
he belongs to are touched with the
clappers until he either dies or rccov-
prs again. As soon as this sign Is
given everybody in the street as well
as in the houses falls on his knees Of
fering prayer for the sick person.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-08-28
Danes ano .er..anA.

The character and temperament of
the population Of north Slcsw!ck are
very quiet and peaceable As an Of
fetal Prusslan record of criminal cases
states. there Is IN the whole German
empire no single province in which so
few sentences are passed 10y the Grim
inal Judges as in north Sleswick
There were only half the Trussian aver.
age OF theft cases and cases Of robbery
with murder and numerous assault
These favorable crime satisfies are
due principally 10 the good bringing up
and intelligence Of the middle 9nd
lower classes as well IA O. The cordial
and harmonious family life cf the Dan,
ish population. Among the individual
members of the family there always
exists a consistently aHectiCnate and
hearty tone IN their intercourse with
each other. I visited many theaters,
restaurants and inns. which were prin-
cipally frequented 10y the Danish IN
habitants. but nowhere saw an I'M
proper action nor an3ll hammered Of
Tense The intercourse between master
and servant is also always friendly and
polite.-W. Hartmann in Nineteenth
Century.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-08-28
The Ancient GIrdle.

In Rome a mans invesuture or hls
eirdle showed that ne was intent On
work Of some nature. When he took
Il of and let HIS Un,c fall Il was pat
ent 70 all that business was over and
that be was free % speak 20 bis friends
at bis and their leisure Thus tho gi1
die served a purpose negative IL Its
character. Of course. but purpose new
ertheless. It's sphere of usefulness did
not end here. II was liguradve OF
property. When "a man or woman put
OFF his or her girdle i was token OF
renunciation OF some right or privilege.
The widow Of Philip duke Of Bur
aundy. for instance, renowned her
right OF succession by putting OF her
glrdle on the dutc's tomb Per con-
ira. the princes OF ireland IN taking
the oath of fealty 10 King John, laid
aside their girdles. their skeans and
their caps. IN the ceremony OF ex-
communication. says a writer, the
bishop cut or tore away from the cul-
prit the giriIe that WAS about him
and the newly made husband In Rome
took from his wife the maiden glrdle
of sleeps wool in which she was
bound up TO the day of her marriage
Chambers Journal
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-08-28
Suicides on "BIuc Monday"

4 scientist VINO has made n study Of
suicides has discovered that more WON
On commit suicide on Monday than on
any other day of the week.
Monday blue Monday - It has
long been called. IL one Of th" most
trying days of the week for women
who are housewives. principally be-
cause il IS wash day. Breakfast is
usually served earlier than Oh other
DAYS and more hastily prepared. Tic
children are carly hurried ou 20 school
and dinner is often picked up' "l'1e
Monday" Is the one dag so fho week
when n housewife troubles. n
work and annoyance Seem 10 come hI'
at once: hence the ynIhcant name
for the first working l-y " the Weeh.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-08-28
VIRGINIA. To- WI:

" 1lNOl Alh1 ~ " -
In the Clerks Office Of the Circuit Court
of Shenandoah county on the zist Gay vi 1N'9
Maria l.. Calvert. admx. C. Z. a. OF +. :.
Calvert, decd, and all other creditors VINO
will come in and contribute 20 the costs Of
th2 suit, Complainants.
AGAINST
Maria +. Calvert in her own right and as
widow OF f. :. Calvert. deed, MIS-. X. I. WI
and K G. Will her husband, VI. L. sensehSi
and Ed. Senseney her husband, Mary ID. -
Orebauqh and William Orebaugh heI nus
band. Willie FAINT and L. w. FAINT hei nusDano'
Luther Swartz, Frank SwaTtz. JnO. >. Ca'-
vert, Edna Calvert. and mo. >. T. murphy.
Yssidstf defendants II appearing Dy aHidHNi'
fled that the following defendants are iiWF
residents. Arbela Harp and JnO. W. Harp htI
husband two unknown infant children OF Jho
n Hoffman, decd. Sarah Conner and Bennet'
Conner her husband, Elizabeth Swartz, Chiis
S,vartz SOion SwartZ. Calvin Swartz, AlDef "a
SNyartz heirs OF Amanda Swartz, Kate Foster
and r. g. Foster her husband Frances "a
vert Geo. X. Calvert, Grace BarDe ana ~. n
Barb. her husband. heirs OF Geo. ~ 1alVelt
decd. Mamie Kirker. Jessie Reed' ana lhoiias
Reed her husband. and Hamilton Beatty, in
taut of Kate and Dr. Beatty under - year.
heirs of Katherine Kirker, deed, Kate shaw
and George Shaw her husband, heiis OF
Frances Murphy decd.
The object OF this suit is TO sell the, rea
estate of which +. 5. Calvert died seized anc
possessed, pay the unpaid debts and diVid'
the proceeds amongst those entitled thereto
Ii is ordered that the nOn-residents DO .appeai
here within fifteen days after due publication
hereof and do what is necessary to Protsc
their interests; that copy OF this order O'
published ia some newspaper printed IN cheh
rndoah county, once a week for four successive
weeks, and a copy posted at the 'front.' dooI
the Court House OF said county On lhc III
day Of next County Court.
6. HARRY HAUN' c. e. c.s c.
A Copy-Teste
G. HARRY HAUN, c. c. c. s. c.
Iuiy a4-sw. 2. W. Magruder p. q.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-08-28
CIDER and APPLEBUTTER

~ cider and applebutter Factory IS now IN
operation, and viii lun On Tuesdays. Wed-
ro.davs and Thuisdavs of each week Til,
capacity of making apple butterbutter has
been doubled, SO that there viii he iittle delay
Price for masking applebutter, including
making cider reduced Co CTS. per gallon,
Grinding corn meal and rye Chopa oPcclalty
These products on hand for exchange 90 all
times Wi. pay the toll OF customers com
Ing go my place.
Jul 212m pd. |. n. HARRIS.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-08-28

Notice that chap In brown hatT'
said a man 10 his companion In walk.
Trying To break in new pipe; trying
10 smoke II the first time, and fills ii
10 the muzzle Hc'll never I'm all his life
or as lonq rs ne owns that plpe-en
JOY IT,
"Oh, won't he?"
Never. only one way 10 break In a
new pipe. Put I'm n pinch OF the weed
n first and smoke Il all, another pinch.
only larger than the first; smoke IL all
ont: clean the pipe; gradually you can
Gll the pipe 10 the muzzle. and finally
be able 10 smoke her oil out clean ms
n whistle"
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-08-28

IT think am giving general salts
faction" said the young clergyman n
little doublfully. although Elder Will
kins has found n good deal Of fault
with my prayers"
you are sure 10 have thattrouble,"
responded the retired pastor with n
reminiscent sigh. The clder'is good
man. n most worthy man. but he never
can remember that he is not the party
addressed i'm prayer. Exchange.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-08-28

observe them. senor," said a hocei
Keeper I'm Lisbon TO one OF his English
guests. They are the Yankees of Por-
tugal."
lie indicated a group Of Brazilians.
consisting of prosperous sugar plant
er. his wife. who literally blazed with
diamonds, and two pretty daughters.
"Thcy regard Portugal as their old
country, for they broke away from
us as the Americans broke away from
you. They make immense fortunes IN
Brazil and come here 10 spend them,
Just as the American miilionaires 20 70
England"
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-08-28

A student noted for his carciessncss
In dress once approached Professor
Simon Newcomb Of Johns Hopkins
univcrs!ty for advice lie was think
ing Of leaving college and going INTO
business, having had a iiatterins oher
''Now you know my case professor.
he said. and if you were in my shoes
what would you dor
The professor looked very serious
and replied.
"Black them. of course"
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-08-28
c.,,e, of Attraction.

"T shouldn't be surprised IL our child
should be n great statesman, with eX-
traordinary talents for flibusterlng' >
said the fathcr.
why. he can't even talk yet" said
the mother.
That's true. He hasn't anything to
say. and yet look al the time and at
teption ne en- monopohle"-Wash-
inCt0n Star.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-08-28
CITY AND SEASHORE
RESORTS ON JERSEY COAST

On July 2, l6 and 80, Aug l3
and 27 and Sept. 10th, 1908, the
Norfolk and Western Railway will
sell cheap excursion tickets to the
above resorts VIA IIagerstown and
Philadelphia. The rate from Nor
folk will be sls.05, Bristol sl6.30,
MartlnsvllIe 1880, Bluefeld Sl4.95,
Roanoke sll 80 and correspondngly
low rates from other stations; tickets
limited to sixteen days and are good
to stop over at Philadelphia on re-
turn Tip.
Through Pullman sleepers are
operated daily on trains Nos. 2 and 4
TO Philadelphia. Apply TO nearest
Ticket Agent for rates and additional
information. w. b. BEyIII,
Gen'l Passenger Agent.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-08-28

Times at which dil,rent plants orcL
and shut their petals Aarc been invest
gated. and IT Is commonly found tus'
the hour varies according TO theamoun.
of moisture IN the nv Tho main
thing IS TO protect the pollen from In
yadlng moisture. and since some plants
such as the pimpernel. promptly close
their petals on TIE near approach OF
rain they serve as weather glasses
Some plants seem 10 believe IN short
days work. the pimpcrnel. for instance
opening at : in the morning ana clos
ing az o'clock In tie afternoon. The
goats beard, Oh the other hand doing
business from 3 a. 10. 90 10 D. m.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-08-28
cur,osatv In NomencIature.

Tie negroes in the British West In
dlan island of.Grenada find II very DIFF
ticult to keep track Of their descent
md their relatives because Of curl
Gus custom they follow In naming
children. The fathers Christian name
is given to the son for his surname.
Thus. If man is named John Jones,
his son may he, called James John ana
that sons son Robert james and 50
on to the end Of the chapter. Natural
ly I'm a few generations families get
into n hopeless muddle, and nobody
knows exactly TO whom he Is related.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-08-28
which was the Guilty onef

Shortly before Major J. n. Pond, the
lecture bureau expert" was taken
with what proved 20 be his last Illness
~ was entertaining three friends In his
Office nj the Everett House when one
Of them, in commenting upon the ma
tors book. THE Eccentr!cities OF Gen
ius." asked:
Major. you have AZ one time and
another known all the celebrities. Tel
me. what sort Of comparison would
YOU make between Talmage and Mark
Twain"
THAT is rather a difficult question to
answer" replied the major, with q
mischievous twinkle I'm his eyes. but
II you Will promise not to ask me to
elucidate I'll say this: One OF them
lied only when bee had 10. and the other
lied whether he had TO or not
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-08-28
Gaining n Little.

The discouraged artist stood Off from
his latest work and viewed II with u
gloomy face.
There's no use talking about H." hd
said morosely. II can't paint as well al
did ten years ago"
"Oh, yes. you can" said the tried ana
honest friend TO whom he made the
confession. Its only that your taste
Is improving"
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-08-28

Yes. life is universal and eternal. for
time is one Of It's factors. yesterday
the moon. today the earth, tomorrow
Jupiter In space there are cradles and
ton,bs. The r,d carbon stars viii soon
he deaG: the hydrogen stars Ike Vega
and Sirius. are The stars Of the future;
Procyon Copera. Arcturus are the
stars Of the present Aidcbaran seems
to be already an autumn fruit" SO
said FlammariOn.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-08-28
A poor Press Agent.

Max O'Rell was exceedingly popular
as n lecturer. and the way In which his
mother viewed the suggestion that her
son should take to the platform Is
worth repetition. She wrote to him
from the native village which she had
never left for more than day to say
that she did not think appearing before
audiences to be reputable business. and
when he replied that he had decided to
do Il and had signed contract TO that
effect the dear old lady wrote back
that she was "still'' his loving mother
and that she would tell no one In the
village about IL.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-08-28
How, n cbtnaman Buys Eggs.

Many Chinamen frequent Philippine
markets and are good patrons, as
many have restaurants and need large
supplies. A ChinaDan usually buys n
number OF eggs and always carries
with him TO market n small tin pail
full Of water 10 test the lr usefulness
Ii tie egg falls TO ihc bottom OF the
pail II ia gocd If It rises To the top II
is bad and a. rcsrSci. cnly 20 be care
fully wiped cH Is the vender ana put
back In stock to catch a customer
without tn wI