The Irish standard., 1903-07-18

cerned Him. Still I took no action.
Belief like mine was still a different
thing from living faith. Next 1 |
learned that my dear friend, Hon.
Mrs. Drummond, of London, had been
received into the Church in August. /
She had been my sheet anchor of
Professionalism, and the embodiment
of all that gave Salvationism an in
tellectual right to exist. l wrote, en-
treating her to give me the grounds
for her action; but the line of argu-
ment which had convinced her did
not appeal to me. 1t was based OH a
reverence for Scripture authority
which l had never felt She begged
me to consult Father Searle, the noted
Paulist, and to read his book, Plain
Facts. Pressed by determination to
know at least just what did believe.
l went to him. Father Searle refused
my cry for 'morc books" saying that
l had read enough" and that my one
cruN, did our Lord intend to estab-
fish visible Church on earth?" could
only be met by the illumination of
grace. l was to go away and pray
to make prayer a constant undercur-
rent of life, and to offer up all my
work as prayer for light What
Church He founded, if any, did not
need considering. had settled that
years before, and re-settled it when
Purcell's Life of Cardinal Manning
, brought the Gorham controversy to
mind again. This was on December
Goth. 1897. l asked my American
leaders for three months leave to
think, pray, and "settle some spiritual
difficulties" They refused absolutely.
might l be excused from my next
lecturing tour?" might not. No
word was said in reply to my COM
plant of spiritual difficulties. The
Salvation Army is established to care
for the souls of those outside it's
ranks, at what cost to the souls Of
those within, who are found able to
extend it's domain. it matters not. un
less they make utter moral ship
wreck. l had previously written to
Mr.. Bramwell Booth, telling him that
| Mrs. Drummond'S conversion had
shaken me and pleading tacitly for
help. He had none to give, and he
never answered my letter. BY New
Years Eve l needed no help from him.
saw the Church as Christ's creation
in the pages of my little red Army
Testament as clearly as saw Him.
self to be the Incarnate God. had
stolen that night for God and MY own
soul, and shut myself into my room
promising Him to read that Testament
unbiassedly, and to act on what He
might show me through it.
Next day came the real agony; I be-
lieved my conversion would literally
kill my father, and my friend and
leader, Emma Booth Tucker. I had
no single Catholic acquaintance on all
that continent; Father Searle had left
the city. The bed 1 slept on was
Army property, the clothes I wore
were Salvationist uniform, my home
was my sisters Salvatfonist head
quarters. New York police would
probably not allow me to sit on
doorstep and enjoy the luxury of be-
ing Catholic. and how would flesh
and blood and woman's nerves ever
endure the clash round me of all that
had made life for so long?
l slipped away and found Rose
Hawthorne Lathrop, Nathaniel Haw-
thorne's convert daughter, down at
her wonderful Damien-like work of
caring for cancer patients in the
slums, and she took ME to Father Van
Rensselaer,, S. ia man who had
heard that clash himself of world
falling round him. He sent me to the
Archbishop-the Salvationist convert
seeming to present herself TO every
body as curious anomaly and
finally 1 turned back to the Paulists
There is no need to tell Of all the
storms and tempests and excitements
the next weeks held. 81 wish I were
an apple woman or crossing sweep
CT with no responsibilities in the world
but my own soulv' I used to wall,
wondering if I had right to MY own
salvation when it seemed likely to
cost the spiritual wreckage of many.
Then was called to England at three
days. notice to give an account of my
intentions. l dared not go unbap-
tized or unabsolved, and two days
before 1 sailed I flung myself into the
office Of the editor of the Catholic
World, Rev. A. P. Doyle, G. s. p. His
sympathy and wise he!pfulness had
never failed during the weeks in
which he had been instructing the
most irregular and terrified Of cate
chumens, who had always before her
the fear that an enterprlsing Journalist
might be on her track. said that
day, "I've come, and can only pos
sibly stay an hour; can you take me
in now?" And he did.
Oh, the bliss Of IT! As logged up
town on the Elevated" clutching still
that first worn little copy of Catho.