The Morris County chronicle. [volume] (Morristown, N.J.) 1877-1915, 1903-03-27
LIGHTS AND SHADES.

LlUulO ANU OI1ADEC+
The other day a group OF women
were talking about the stupidity Of
men at all times and their enormous
denseness when their wives were try
ing to give them a hint. "You know
one day we had company unexpected
| ly, and we hardly had enough to go
around, said one woman. II tried.
to catch my husband S eye to convey
to him that he was serving the meat
too generously. But he would not
take the hint When he had given out
the last bit there were two plates still
untitled. What do you suppose that
shameless man did? He simply called
all the plates back again and scooped
enough off of each to fill the remain
ing two" 81 shall always take my
husband aside beforehand and tell
him a few things" said an engaged
girl. "Well, that won't work, " said
an experienced matron. 81 did that
one day and when | asked my hus-
band whether he would have pudding
or pie for dessert, he blurted out,
Good gracious, Helen, I've forgotten
which you told me to take. -
Kingston Leader.
Here's one the Newton Record lays
to Morristown:
A good story is told about two
Morristown clergymen, who, by ac-
cident, were dining at the same
house. AS they took their seats there
was an embarrassed pause, the hostess
not knowing how to ask one minister
to say grace without offending the
other.
The small son quickly grasped the
situation. and half rising in his chair.
moved his finger rapidly around the
table reciting. ''Eny meme miny mo,
etc He ended by pointing his finger
at one divine and shouting, "You're
! it," The reverend gentleman accepted
the decision. and said grace, but it
lacked the usual solemnity.
He was a young man bashful in
spots and apparently in love. He was
trustful alas, too trustful; but then
most young men with his complaint
are. He is employed as mixologist in
one of the places in Morristown where
men do often congregate- the
word congregate in this instance need
conjure up no picture of sacred
editice. OF of heavenly music, OF in
fact anything suggestive of church
life. There were times when his
deepest feelings got control of him
and on these occasions his heart spake
forth regardless of the literary quality
of the English furnished by his am
bilious talking apparatus. This is his
tale of woe as contided to an intimate
friend Of seven minutes standing.
Say you know my gal, doncher?
Well, say, y'ought t jest see her once
an you'd be all in. She's the slickest
bunch o. loneliness wat ever stared in
the winders o. millinery shop Talk
about beautiful sunsets an picteresk
mountain views! Well, you'se fellers
kin play tn limit on them things, but
when it comes to downright admirin
there's nOthin dom with me but
Mamie. An she's refined, too. She
jest adores flowers. Sure she does!
Me an Names on the outs now. She
told me I'd lost preteege with her.
amt on to that word yet, but she
keeps TIN stony stare workin overtime
when | meet her on South street.
That S right. an it all come about be-
cause o. a bunch o. flowers wot | sent
fur to Nee York an got on purpose fer
her. Dis is Gle way it was, but | can Z
get her t. listen tumme. | got de
flowers, an was goin up to the house
an give 'em to her, but honest injun,
when | got thinkin' about it, me heart
began a thumpin me Adams apple.
an so | asst key Washer wot to do.
Y'know Ikey, don cher? Well, he's a
lobster, if ever there was one. Jest de
same he knows lot about society, coz
his baby's got job in one o. tn swell
est houses in town. So when | asst
key wot to do, he up an tells me that
a lady wouldn't accept flowers from a
young man, unless they was sent to
her. The idee, says key, of receiv-
ing boakais, is to make tn proceedin
expensive an to put up strong bluff
, to her friends that tn lady has swell
guy on her staff. And, say, I've been
livin in Morristown hand full O.
years an believed dat kind o. talk
! COZ it sounded good. Wot dye think
o. dat? Wouldn't it jar yer? SO l
gets Patsy Durfrey to take up tn
floweres, an gives him ten cents, an
: loans him me best durby an me over
coat, jest to make swell appearance
! wild. An wot dye think he does?
! He ups an takes de flowers, sells them
. to Mamie fer a quarter an skips the
town. Name thinks | give her tn
cheapieS, an now she's trowing de
CLASSY eye my way every time | meet
3 her. Wotll y'aye?