The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1903-05-01
HCMOR IN POSTAL SCANDALS.
Mr.. Payne Gets Letters From His Anlnity.
VINO Refers 10 IIIs "Dcar Hue Eyes"


WASHINGTON. April so..-An element OF
humor has been injected Into the scandals
OF the Post Office Department by sprightly
comedienne, who ia making Postmaster
General Payne a target for her gentle
shafts. Some time ago Mr.. Payne signed
an order dismissng a well-known officer
OF the postal service, This action was
taken because tho officers wife used his
name and title In promoting the sale OF
wonderful medicine, guaranteed to restore
to old and middle-aged man the energy
and boyanty Of youth and awaken In his
soul the fires Of romance and chivalry.
Mr.. Payne didn't investigate the merits
OF the medicine. His order was based
on tho ground that the officer should
not have permitted his philanthropic better
half to trade ON his name. and the defence
made by the officer. that he did not know
that he was named as reference for the
virtues of the medicine. was not considered
IN sufficient
Since the dismissal of the officer his wife
has been endeavoring, through the or
binary official channels, TO secure a per-
sonal interview with the Postmaster-Gen-
eral. But Mr.. Payne considered the case
az closed and did no, believe that the audi
ence could possibly result in advantage to
the deHsed officer.
The other day, however, he received
letter marked personal and important,
which was brought TO him with the seal
unbroken. The letter was from the pro-
prietor of the wonderful rejuvenator,
and, after brief formal Introduction
requesting an audience, was in part as
follows:
l know from the kindly light in your dear
blue eyes and the tender curves OF your loving
Imysolf am Of a strong, loving nature, and
OF a personal af1nitv And 1t is not given to
all OF US TO discover that affinity ] am sure
IT. you would grant me private interview
Of only half an hour that at the expiration
Of that time your views regarding this matter.
In which am concerned. would be entirely
Mr.. Payne politely but firmly declined the
invitation and sent the letter to Secretary
Root for his edifcation and amusement.
Mr. Root sent il back to the Postmaster
General with the following comment
scrubbed in blue pencil across its face
Dont be b mean et her Ysss look at Gne of
Mr. Payne dismissed the matter from
his mind. or At least he says no did. To-day
there came another letter from the lady of
the rejuvenator. and If anything y waa
warmer than the previous mlsstve' mere
wasn't any introduction this time, and the
letter started right of in the middle OF
discussion of the all-absorhing subject.
Mr. Payne's attention was called to the
fact that there are two kinds Of lives one
in which glory Ia the goa SUCCESS the guild
ing star, and ambition the spur. But the
glory crowned heights ~ politics and public
affairs were difficult to scale. MIR. Payne
was informed, and the ambrosia Of the gods
to be found on the heights by those who
reached the toplnost pinnacle. turned 10
ashes in mortal's mouth But-and here
the writer settled down TO business--there
was another sort Of a life, better life.
The letter wasn't very clear on this point
but Mr. Payne gathered the idea that this
by far happier existence, consisted
largely h reash'hg out ,, and gathering ,ha
scramble up Thorough trail that is supposed
to lead to the glory crowned heights,
and settling down In a quiet spot. far from
the madding crowd. and there to lead
life Of peace and plenty in the company
OF nature and the affinity The letter
closed with touching request that the
writer be accorded the interview asked
for in the first letter. after which all things
would seem different.
why don't you see the LADY,. friend
prove interesting
sToo much 40, guess" said Mr.. Payne. |
Then he added with an unofficfal grin: |
Suppose ] did, would you advise me to
resign before or afterward?'