Arizona republican. [volume] (Phoenix, Ariz.) 1890-1930, 1903-12-07

! de mater he has turned into gold to
de u. >. treasury, leaving him enough
to get his pants pressed. and TO pay de
price of a blow-off to de boys who are
TO be de ushers at de wedding A
little more must be left him, to pay
damages"
what damages" asks Whiskers,
getting next.
! DE damages his usher3 suffers in
! de crowd Ct free American citizens
| and citizenesses who try to ride i'm de
happy brides lap to de choich But
I let ue not be particular about small
details. De main ting is dat de treas
1 ury sell him his dukedOm for de size
of his pile.
! Now we come to foist marriage
Ancddar lad has woiked de pump and
! flooded his fellow citizens pockets in
| neat and tasty manner which has
drained off anodder hundred million.
| But dis lad has no son to buy duke
| dom for. He has only a daughter. But
J is he to be left cut of de nobility be-
cause heaven sent him only a goil?
| NO sir. Perish dc taught of any
! plan of mine would leave out of any
ting any man who has a hundred mil
| lioni What's to be done. you say?"
II didn't say" says Minister'S. "De
answer. is easy; he doesn't get a duke
| m. but he gets a duke"
| Sir says Mr. Paul, II can see dat
! you has head for political commonly
| winch is n wonder. OATS it: he gets
a duke. But how? He PUNCHES Not
To de duke in de present imperfect
| way No, sir. He, too. pungles to de
| u. 5. treasury. Between de two OF
EN- we have n couple Of hundred mill
| lions. De gov'ment pensions de happy
! duke and duchess a hundred tousand
| or so, and spends de rest paying shin
subsidies. and odder useful economies. .
But my dear Paul" says Whiskers
Your plan win not do at all. for Won
have not provided for de living ex-
I nenses Of de ladders who dug I'D de
/ gods
Let EN- go out and dig up some
| more" says MIR. Paul. comrorta blv
| OATS de game dey likes. and when
| dey has made anodder modest fortune
uey can be rewarded by getting invita-
tons to de duke and duchess second
best receptions.
| But sir. ] desire to show you dat
] I'm not so hasty and imperfect poll
| teal economist. De wise man provides
! for de rainy day. Duh times will
! come to de best regulated market. De
sun of prosperity does not shine always
| even where de wheel of de bond and
| stock printing press are heard in de
| llnd. Patient trift, long hours of
| Wolk, hard toll do not ALWAYS reap a
| harvest fer deere comes a time when
/ de common is preferred over de pre-
| ierred. and de foist debentures is bent
and broken. Wcalt is not always de
reward of de Industrious maker Of
gold bricks: and sometimes de weeviI
| boil viii steal in and rust even if de
old man is out watering d. stock at
four o'clock in de morning"
AT such a time what shall we do? >
What | do" says Whiskers, lis to
put everything l has in de safe deposit
vaults and 90 off to Europe. and stop
dere until de market RECEIVERS"
True. sir. and / admire you for it
especially when you invites me to ac-
company you. But de gov.ment must
keep on doing business at de same old
stand all de time. Dere is no use to
make anv more dukeGcms. for dere is
nobody to buy EN-. Not so wit de
dukes. Dere is always q market for
en-. When de last marriage was SOL
cmonized, let us say. were was of
! course a lot of ladders who could not
''ih iii5ii tIpuSI 10 B@l the new duke.
In de hard time l have described a
| bunch OF goiis-merely ten or fl teen
million grade--could be Accommodated
wit dukes at cut rates, and de gov
ment get out of ten weddings what i'm
good times one would fetch"
"How's dat?" asks Whiskers.
Taught dere was no more dukes in
de dun season"
No new ones, sir. All de old ones
remain on hand and dey can be bought
into de job-lot market by de simple
means of divoice. Dere you are! AS
! long as dere is a demand for marked
down dukes de divoice mill goes on
de same duke could be used several
times. Of course, if de period of low
stocks was long-and when de market
was good again new dukedoms could
BE- tut on de curb"
But, Paul says Miss Fannie, AT
ter you have woiked your plan for a
few years all de COILS wit money would
be supplied wit dukes, and den where
would you get money for de gov'men 20
'Prince!" says Mr.. Paul. Den de
gov'men viii make principalties, and
sell EN- de same old way. | do not
mind telling you dat l has watched our
course of late at Washington, wit
pleasure, for il fits in wit my plan
like hand in glove. What's de matter
OF de Prince of Panama, or Colon? BY
de time we can't sell any more duke
doms we will have such a fine line of
principalities dere viii be a rush to
avoid being late. Throughout de wide,
vide woild, and over de waters of de
cart dere. on every hand, will be seen
de sign cf dis country. Patches of CO.
coanut land lorded over by American
princes and DER young and beautiful
princesses. De sun shall never set on
de trains of our princesses, and de
wide open door of hospitality shall be
de sign dat on every volcano isle of de
sunny Pacific dere dwells an-American
princess as good as any odder kind-or
gun boat Will show de reason why,
At last, when even to be a prince isn't
good enough for de most high spirited
Of our goils-Royalty! OATS right Are
we to suppose dat our men of genius
are to be stopped at paltry hundred
million for fortunes? No sir. De Ma
poleon of finance will some day get his
fist on de handle of de pump, and he IL
never StOD WOikinpr il unti he hoe