davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Lexington gazette. [volume] (Lexington, Va.) 1871-1962, 1903-02-04
A art Retort.

During the presidential campaign
OF William Henry Harrison Alexan.
der II. Stephens and Julius Afford
met in a political debate in the
south. Mr.. Afford was a LAWYER of
a small city in middle Georgia and
an asplrant for congress. He was a
man of fine physique and good ora
torical powers, but naughty and self
conceited. Mr.. Stephens, his polit-
lcal opponent, was an intellectual
giant, but exceedingly frail physic-
ally.
After Mr.. Afford had spread
himself" on behalf of his chosen
candidate, thinking to belittle Mr..
Stephens, who was to follow with a
speech, he concluded by saying:
And here's little Alec Stephens.
wearing coat that's big enough
for old General Jackson, with the
collar six inches above his head and
the tails dragging on the ground.
If you 'tallow' him and lay back his
ears, I'll swallow him."
To which Mr.. Stephens piped out
in quick retort, '1f you did, YOU
would have more brains in your
stomach than you've got in your
head"
Lexington gazette. [volume] (Lexington, Va.) 1871-1962, 1903-02-04
Too Scientific.

The principal trustee of school
district No. 16 was entertaining a
young man fresh from college who
had driven out to his home to apply
for the position of teacher of the
school in that district.
As they sat on the porch after
dinner the trustee casually called at
tention to familiar little orange
colored bug with black spots on its
back that was crawling on the floor.
81 s'pose you know what that is ?"
he said.
eyes" replied the applicant, ca
ger to show his technical knowledge.
"That is Coccinella septempunc-
tata."
young man." was the rejoinder,
"a Teller that don't know a ladybug
when he sees it can't get my vote
fur teacher in this district
Youths Companion.
Lexington gazette. [volume] (Lexington, Va.) 1871-1962, 1903-02-04
Bats and Namniree

AT sunset in the forest of Guiana
the bats fit from their hiding
places, some taking the place of the
parrots and focking around the
fruit trees, while the horrid YAM
pires wander far and near in search
of some sleeping animal or even
man in order to obtain a meal.
Cows, goats, hogs, fowls, as well as
game birds and quadrupeds, all suf-
fer from their attacks if not secured
in well latticed pens, while the trav-
eler must not be surprised when
awaking to find blood oozing from
a wound in his foot or temple. In
some places domestic animals can
not be kept at all, as they are so
weakened by repeated attacks as to
ultimately die of exhaustion. For
tunately, however, the vampires are
not very common and with proper
care may be excluded from dwelling
houses and stock pens.
Lexington gazette. [volume] (Lexington, Va.) 1871-1962, 1903-02-04
ORIENTAL BULLS.
Examples Of the Stories the Arabs Tell
About the kurds.

The Kurds in eastern Asia Mino
are regarded by the Arabs as stupit
people, wont to make the sort o.
bull that in the west is popularl,
ascribed to Irishmen. There is 3
collection of stories which the Arabs
tell about them of which these are
fair examples:
Once detachment of Kurds was
crossing a stream which was so
muddy that they could not see their
feet under the water.
I'VE have lost our legs" they said
and stood helpless, because without
legs they could not walk.
After awhile the pasta came by.
What are you standing in that
water for?" he demanded.
I'VE have lost our legs and cannot
walk"
The pasta got some of his attend
ants to apply thongs to the backs of
the legless Kurds, and of course
they jumped, thereby discovering
their legs again. Whereupon they
all fell on their knees and thanked
the pasta for having restored their
legs.
Once some Kurds were standing
under cliff.
No'one knows how high that
cliff is" said one.
NO." replied another, "and
stranger might come by and ask us.
1t would be disgraceful not to
know"
"Then let us measure it,"
"But We have no line long
enough"
"Well, we can measure it with our
bodies. Let one hang by his hands
10 the edge and another hang to his
'eet, and so on until we know how
many men it takes to hang the
Whole distance"
So they started to form a living
'lumb line. Just as the last man
7as climbing down the top man
ried to change the position of his
ands, and they all fell and broke {
heir legs.
ooh, WELL" said one when he t
anne to, eve didn't need to know c
ne height of the cliff" /
No." said another, $50 it doesn't a
latter. Youths Companion. h
Lexington gazette. [volume] (Lexington, Va.) 1871-1962, 1903-02-04
An Old Story.

T'm sorry We haven't much Of a
dinner" said Spratts to Bloobump-
er, whom he had urged to stay for
that meal. "You ought to have
dropped in last evening. We had a
stunning dinner then"
"Why, papa" chirped Sammy
Spratts, chats just what you told
Mr.. Taddclls at dinner Yesterday"
Lexington gazette. [volume] (Lexington, Va.) 1871-1962, 1903-02-04
FraternaI Orders.

Mountain City Lodge, No. g., Ancien
York Masons meets End and 4th Mon
day nights at Masonic Hall, J. Viii
Moore, w. NJ. A. I. Shields. Secy.
ROckbridge Lodge, No SO. l. D. o. F.
meets every Thursday night, at Odd Eel
Ows' Hall A. w. Manspile, NJ g. j. V
Grinstead. Sec'y.
Lexington Lodge No. &c, X. of P,
meets every Tuesday night,at Odd Eel.
cows Hall, w. s. Hileman, G. G. j. V.
Grinstead. X. Il S.
Natural Bridge Council, No. 920. Royal
Arcanum, meets 1st and Bird Friday
nights in each month. w. r. Beeton,
Regent. James Withrow, Sec'y,
Lee Jackson Camp, No. go, Junior Or
der American Mechanics, meets every
End and 4th Friday nights at Odd Fellows
Hall. f. 5 Johnston, Councillor. ID. B.
RadfOrd, Sec'y.
Liberty Lodge, No, 2, Daughters of
Rebekah, meets every Monday night at
Odd Fellows Hall. Miss Anna X.
kIause, n. &. Mrs. NJ. f. Crigler,
Secy.
Lexington gazette. [volume] (Lexington, Va.) 1871-1962, 1903-02-04
Wanted.

We would like to ask, through IN,
column OF your paper, II there is an,
person who has used Green's August
Flower for the'.ure Of Indigestion. Dys.
Pepsia, and Liver Troubles that has not
been cured-and we also mean their
results, such as sour stomach, fermenta-
ton OF food, habitual costiveness, nervous
dyspepsia, headaches, Respondent feel
ings, sleeplessness-in fact, any trouble
connected with the stomach or liverf This
medicine has been sold for many years In
all civilized countries, and we wish to
correspond with you and send You one Of
our books free OF cost. II you never tried
August Flower, try 25 cent bottle first.
we have never Known OF its failing. II
so, something moie serious Is thu matter
with you. The IS cent size has Just been
introduced this year. Regular size 10
cents. AT all druggist.
q. q GREEN, Woodbury., M.
Lexington gazette. [volume] (Lexington, Va.) 1871-1962, 1903-02-04
HOW 1T CAME BY ITS DATE.
That Was Counterfeit as Well as the
Quarter

Quarter.
The gaunt, sad looking man ate
two bountiful portions of "beef and
In the Park row beanery and with a
check calling for 20 cents ventured
toward the cashiers desk and bang
ed down battered silver quarter.
The proprietor picked up the sus-
picious looking quarter and examin-
ed it critically. There was a deep
dent near place in the rim and
another near the circumference di-
rectly opposite, and this Locked as
if it might have been plugged.
at grieves me to part with that
quarter" said the aged, gaunt man.
ut saved my life once. At the siege
of Vicksburg | carried it in my vest
pocket. The dent you see there was
made by a bullet which otherwise
would have gone through me. 1t
saved my life then as it does now.
Dut IL Is hard TO part with the old
friend"
The proprietor was evidently in
terested. 'In what year was the
siege of Vicksburg?" he asked.
"Sixty-three," was the prompt
answer
"This quarter is dated 1877, and
it is counterfeit.
The sad looking man looked dis
pleased. "Of course it is. How else
10 you suppose I'd have an 1877
quarter in sixty-three if it wasn't
'ounterfeit?" he explained.
And the proprietor was so sur
,rised that he handed out 5 cents in
hange, while the sad man made his
scape.-New York Tribune.
Lexington gazette. [volume] (Lexington, Va.) 1871-1962, 1903-02-04
Odd Ways Of Shaking Hands.

The black kings of the African
coast press your middle finger three
times as a sign of Salutation, the
Japanese takes off his slipper, while
the Laplander pushes his nose vigor-
ously against you. In Hindustan
they salute man by taking him by
the beard, while the people of the
Philippine Islands take your hand
and rub their faces with it. The
king of Ternate rises to receive /
subjects, and they sit down to salu.s
him.
Lexington gazette. [volume] (Lexington, Va.) 1871-1962, 1903-02-04
Some Russian Customs.

In Russia child ten years of age
cannot 60 away from home to school
without a passport, nor can COM
mon servants and peasants go away
from where they live without one.
A gentleman residing in Moscow or
st. Petersburg cannot receive the
visit of a friend who remains many
hours without notifying the police.
The porters of all houses are COM
PEELED to make returns of the ar
rival and departure of strangers, and
for every one of the above passports
s@aharxs-is made of soma kind
Lexington gazette. [volume] (Lexington, Va.) 1871-1962, 1903-02-04
The Banana.

The banana was named musa aft.
er Antoninus Musa, the freedman
and physician of the great Augustus
of the Romans, says Linnaus. The
sapientum-the wiseness-in its
name is a graceful tribute to it as
the "wise mans food" for, incred-
lble as it may seem, it is perhaps
the best food product of the earth.
being far more productive than Ell
Their wheat or potatoes, the staple
food of other nations. Long ago it
was calculated that it is 1873 times
as productive as wheat and forty
four times as productive as the po-
tato-in other words, that the
ground that would give thirty-three
pounds of wheat or ninety-nine
pounds of potatoes would, as far as
mere space is concerned, give 1000
pounds of bananas and with a frac
tional amount of the same trouble.
1t has been called the prince of
the tropics" because it takes the
same place, only to an even greater
degree, in those hot countries that
wheat, rye and barley take in west
Asia and Europe and that rice takes
il in India and China.-Longman's
Lexington gazette. [volume] (Lexington, Va.) 1871-1962, 1903-02-04
A MIX EnIdernle

OF the typhoid epidemics traced
to milk one of the most typical was
that at Springfield, Mass, where in
July and August of 1892 $50 cases
occurred concentrated in one of the
most beautiful suburban districts of
that city. The investigation by Pro-
lessor W. T. Sedgwick showed that
the path of the pestilence was coin
cident with the route of a certain
milkman. 1t was next found that a
portion of his product came from
farm where several cases of typhoid
fever had occurred during the pre-
ceding summer. Shortly before the
outbreak of the epidemic the dis
charges from the patients were
spread upon tobacco field. Manure
from this field carried on the boots
of the farmhands was obvious about
and in well near by. On the bottom
of this well and submerged in leaky
cans stood the milk to be cooled be-
fore it was sent to Springfield. The
chain of evidence was thus complete.
&C. E. A. Winslow in Atlantic.
Lexington gazette. [volume] (Lexington, Va.) 1871-1962, 1903-02-04
THE STRICT GRAMMARIAN.
Hes All Right on Paper, but Not In
Conversation, Says This Writer.

OaJo fho WTlkcF.
Mercutio wreaked all his dislike
upon a man that fought "by the
book" | have a mortal grudge
against one that talks by the book.
Let man write himself into syn
tactical tangles that would befuddle
Pa German philosopher; let him be
pompous as Sir William Temple; let
him be purposely archaic as Spenser
or as full of coinages as Shake
speare, as parenthetical as Browns
ing or as antithetical as Swinburne:
let him follow any whim or scholas-
ticism to the death, so long as he
commits bookishness only on paper.
But heaven preserve me from fire.
quent encounter with the fatal bore
that talks bookishly. l am not pa
tent with the unco' learned who
interlard their speech with those
cracking "by which's" and "to
whom's" rather than seek the direct
colloquial fortnight that gives
them an honest, stout proposition
to end a sentence with. Now, the
torment of bookishness in actual
talk is bad enough, but you can al
ways escape by running, or at least
call the police. What refuge is there,
though, from the bookish talk of
the characters in fiction? When an
author is before the curtain in pro-
pria persona, one is not offended
necessarily by magniloquence or
overnicety Of construction, but |
when he steps back and pulls the
strings that work his puppets jaws
hen surely, surely, he must talk like
.alk and not like composition
Scribner's.
Lexington gazette. [volume] (Lexington, Va.) 1871-1962, 1903-02-04
Thousands Have Kidney Trouble
and Don't Know II,

How To Find Out.
Fill bottle or common glass with your
water and let It stand twenty-four hours: a
Lexington gazette. [volume] (Lexington, Va.) 1871-1962, 1903-02-04

~
thing indicates an
, unhealthy condi-
ton OF the kid
neys; If 1t stains
your linen II is
evidence Of kid
ney trouble; too
frequent desire to
pass 1t or pain in
the back Is also
kjdneve and hlad-
The Columbus journal., 1903-07-29
DO YOU KNOWg

Do You know that every cruelty inflict-
ed on an animal in killing or just before
death poisons to Q greater or less extent
it's meat?
Do you know that every cruelty in
Aicted upon q COW poisons to greater
or less extent its milk?
Do you know that fish killed as soon
q taken from the water by blow on the
back OF the head will keep longer and be
better than those permitted to die slowly.
Do you know that birds destroy mill
lions OF bugs, mosquitoes and harmful
insects; that without the birds We could
not live ON the earth, and that every
little insect eating bird you may kill and
every egg you may take from it's nest
means one less bird to destroy insects?
Do you know that q check-rein which
will not permit horse to put his head
where he wants to when going up hill
IL . cruel torture to the horse?
Do you know that the mutilation OF q
horse by cutting of his tail compels him
to suffer torture from flies and insects
every summer as long as he lives?
Do you know that every kind act You
do and every kind word You speak to a
dumb animal will make not only the
animal but yourself happier, and not
only make you happier tut also betters
Geo. T. Angel.
The Columbus journal., 1903-07-29

The coroner's jury at Cheyenne that
has for ten days been investigating the
cause Of the explosion OF Union Pacific
locomotive No. 1916, Saturday brought
in the following verdict: That Ed Carl
son came to his death by an explosion OF
the boiler OF engine 1916 on: July Is; that
the radial stay bolts which support the
crown sheet were not OF sufficient
strength to Withstand the pressure used
because their manner OF being screwed
through and riveted did not give them
sufficient head; that the front end OF the
crown sheet was over-heated on account
of the low water, causing the explosion,
but that said explosion would not have
occurred had it not been for the weak
construction of the crown sheet.
The Columbus journal., 1903-07-29
Republican County Convention.

Republican voters of Platte county. Nebraska,
arc hereby notified to meet in their respective
precincts and wards ON Saturday. August 9Th,
lDOs, from p. m. to I o. m. for the purpose OF
selecting delegates to the county convention. to
be held at Platte Center. ON Saturday, August
18th, 1909, at 1 O'Clock. p. m. Of that day. to
choose delegates to the republican state cOnven-
tiou, and delegates to the republican judicial
Convention. 9Th judicial district Of Nebraska.
for the further purpose Of nominating candi-
dates for county judge. county clerk. county
treasurer, sheriff. county superintendent OF
schools, county assessor. clerk ct the district
court, county coroner. county surveyor, and for
such other business as may come before the
convention.
The township meetings will also nominate
local officers.
The several precincts will he entitled to one
delegate for each Is votes and fraction thereof
cast for z. NJ. COOkingham for county attorney
at the November. lS0e. election and one delegate
Ct large and will have the following number OF
The Columbus journal., 1903-07-29

IT befalls there are two judges to be
elected this year in this, the Sixth, judi
cial district. Republicans admit, at the
outset, that the chances are against
them, but not for this reason are they
without hope. The five counties COM
prising the district show an adverse
total on a straight party vote. Besides
the fusionists have possession OF the
Offices. Judges Crimson and Hollen-
beck are OF the other kind; one popu-
list, il that still has definite meaning,
the other q democrat. There are many
good republican lawyers in this district
who would honor the judiciary. J. G.
Reeder of Columbus is said to be at
least passive candidate. With Reedsr,
and another equally good, on the repub-
lican ticket there is no reason Why the
calamity candidates should not be given
hot chase in these days Of prosper
ity.-Fremont Tribune.
The Columbus journal., 1903-07-29
r. r. D. Ho, 8.

Jessie Bison was in Platte Center
Friday on business.
Henry Luers IL assisting 81. L. Kune-
mann with his harvesting.
Peter Schmitt was in South Omaha
last week with 81 head Of fat cattle. He
reports as having received @4.35 per hum
dred for them.
L. Plath was repairing Peter Schaff-
roths windmill Thursday. 1t went
through . delaceration in one OF our
recent wind storms.
J. II. Reid, the past foreman Of the
sheep ranch, has returned from his visit
ut Toronto, Canada. Mrs. Reid will
remain there while longer.
Sheldon 4 Son have been having q
coat or two OF paint applied to their farm
buildings northwest Of the city. Add.
Brady has been doing likewise.
Some Of the farmers along the route
are moving the weeds on the roadsides,
thus adding thrifty and better appear
ance to their farms and also following
up the letter Of the law.
The carrier on this route is indebted
to Bargman Bros. for several very fine
homegrown apples found in their mail
box. They were very good, indeed, and
highly appreciated by the carrier in his
hot dusty ride.
The Rev. and Mrs. VIM. Papenhausen
are receiving visit from their daueh-
tors and two grand children who are
taking their annual vacation. In the
party: Mrs. Lenore Brack from Somer-
vile, Mass, accompanied by her two
children Ruth and Friedrich; Miss Emma
Papenhausen, with the Modern Priscilla
Pub. Co. OF Boston; Miss Phoebe Papen-
hansen, with the American Baptist Pub.
Society Of New York City, and Miss
Dora Papenhausen, head book-keeper
and stenographer Of the Juvenile Asy-
lum Of New York City.
James e. Hayes, head carpenter in
Cudahys packing house in South Omaha,
and who owns . quarter section near
Columbus, was viewing the same recent
ly. While here he was the guest Of the
carrier Of this route who has had charge
OF his land for the past nine years. He
was very much elated over the growth
OF Columbus and the crop prospect, and
Gays If he can dispose Of his property in
Omaha he will come out here and live.
Mr.. Hayes il very enthusiastic over the
power canal, but he is little afraid that
Fremont will hold the winning hand;
his reason, he says, is that Armour is
back Of the Fremont company and that
Mr.. Armour could build it himself il he
60 desired.
The Columbus journal., 1903-07-29
ADDITIONAL
=: LOCAL /:

Miss Louise Haney, daughter of Mrs.
Mary Schaad, who for several years has
been engaged in Mrs. jays millinery
store, left Saturday for Lead City, South
Dakota, where she was married Sunday
evening at O'Clock to Ralph Coolidge,
son Of Joseph Coolidge OF this city. The
ceremony was performed by the Episco-
pal minister at the home OF the groom's g
uncle, Harry Coolidge. From here Miss
Haney was accompanied by Mrs. Bremen,
grandmother Of the groom, who will
visit relatives there for two weeks or
more. Miss Angie Early also accom-
panied them as far as Fremont. Both
bride and groom are we'll known to
Columbus people, being native born.
Ralph is q young man who has made q
success as q carpenter and contractor
through his own ability and persever-
snce. Miss Hsney is q noble girl in
heart and will make q model wife for her
worthy husband. The JOURNAL joins
with the many friends OF the young
couple in wishing them happiness and
prosperity.
The Columbus journal., 1903-07-29
G. 4. r. National Encampment, San
Francisco.

The 37th Annual Encampment OF the
Grand Army Of the Republic will take
place at San Francisco, August 17th to
22d, inclusive.
Department Commander Estelle Of
the Nebraska G. A. r. invites all old
comrades and their friends to turn out
and accompany the Nebraska contin-
gent on the outgoing trip, a. he is
anxious to obtain q good q representa-
ton for Nebrasks a. possible.
The official train will leave Omaha
August 18th. Sleepers and tickets
should be secured over the Union Pa
ciiic before that date.
The Union Pacific will spare no effort
to give the veterans and their friends
the best OF service and q most comfort
able trip across tho continent. Unusu-
ally liberal arrangements for side trips
and stopovers covering all points of in
terest enroute and in California. 2t
The Columbus journal., 1903-07-29

TIE World Herald has started in to
boom the democratic state convention
to be held at Columbus next mon:h, but
IL studiously silent about the grand
gathering OF the other end OF the reform
forces which is to take place at Grand
Island at the same time. Is this q will
full plot to bull the democratic stock
market and bear down the populist &C.
curities by making great show OF DEM
ncrats at Columbus as compared with q
poor turnout Of populists at Grand
Island? The democratic claim for spoils,
il there ever should be any spoils to di-
vide, would find vigorous reinforcement
in an exhibit that the democrats had
furnished all the recruits and smmuni-
tion for the fight. But will the popu-
lists stand for this kind of q game? The
populists in Nebraska have proved
themselves something in the way Of hot
air experts themselves.-Omaha Bee.
The Columbus journal., 1903-07-29

The special train chartered by the
Columbus fire department to take them
to the state tournament at Norfolk, left
Columbus at about z o'clock Tuesday
morning OF last week with about 100
people, and returned Wednesday morn
ing about 2 o'clock With . good share Of
the e1cursionists tired but merry. Tues
day morning, q stated in last weeks
issue, Columbus took first prize for hav-
ing tho largest number Of uniformed
firemen in the parade, forty-nine being
the number OF representatives. The
prize was nozzle valued at S25. STAN
ton won the second prize which was SIS,
with forty-one representatives. The
Stanton fleet running hose team
holds the championship belt for the
next year having beaten Fremont and
Seward, who were tie for second place,
in 25O yard race and coupling in 1913
seconds against 33.9 seconds. The
Stanton boys used the old Bissell run
ming cart which belongs to the Colum-
bus fire department which was rented
for the occasion. There were about
fourteen teams in the races. Music was
furnished at different times by bands
from Madison, Wisner, Fremont and
Grand Island. The grand parade on
Thursday evening was the closing event
of the tournament. The most striking
feature OF the parade was the Flambeau
club which was q long line OF firemen
shooting Roman candles a. they
marched. On the first two days of the
tournament there were 1,2OO people on
the grounds and on the third day 1000.
The hotels and restaurants had Difficult
ty in taking care Of the crowds, q great
many having to sleep out doors all
night. Where the tournament will be
held next year will be determined at the
convention in Fremont next winter.