davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1903-09-26
LOVES IRONY

to the more dramatic passages of the
leading lady, when she essayed to appear
Indifferent and treated him with scant
courtesy He was callous to all alike
One day they were left alone in the
neat little parlor. He was standing at
the window looking over one of his poems
that had appeared in the morning paper.
She went up close beside him-quite close
and read it with him. She always
praised his poems and stories. Their eyes
met, and hers wore a look of such tender
yearning. His arm fell about her Shout
der, then slipped around her waist. Her
lips were lifted at a tempting angle and
he kissed them. With a glad little sigh
she nestled her head in his BOSOM
For a time there was silence, then
well, aren't you going to propose?" she
said shyly.
No
How dare you. sir?'' and she 1eaped
from his arms in furry.
He looked at her, and she stiffened; he
resumed reading and she yielded.
You wouldn't propose she said, soft
ly, but a kiss is better than nothing"
And she puckered her lips for another.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1903-09-26
THE @NONpAREIL, MAN
for all times and occasions-it never grows old

ffE.sl 8 X r. : ~ : 4 4 Il -
for all times and occasions-it never grows old
or loses luster. 4.
Something said to me the other day,
Lets all take a vacation and go back to
The old place. and see the trees and the
woods and fields and the dear etds people
at home. . Since then I have not been
able to rest we'll, but have been laboring
under sort Of sub conscious excitement +
That gets into my dreams both waking
and sleeping.
vs. How many of us can go back to our first.
recollection and see ourselves sitting in
our. little hlghchairs beside the kitchen
stove in the. old house, with the folks
moving so joyously about and the fire
roaring and the little yellow bird just
splitting his throat singing-hoM many
Of us can go back to this strange, far
off time without emotion? From what
distant forgotten country had we. come to
what strange lands are we still Journey
ing? If any one can tell us with .certain-
ty all about these things, he may have
our money.
Meantime, here we are, making the best
of it all, and the best is very good, learn
ing to stop fearing and hating and criti-
cizing and jumping on people who do not
think as we do, and learning that the
more we love and express love. not by
words only, the more people will love us
and the happier we will be all around y
So, if we get killed in a railroad acci-
dent which we won't. you may cut this
out and LAY it up against us" in your
Escrapbook.
Last fall the children got hold of How
ard Pyle's book on Robin Hood and it
caused considerable excitement on the
avenue. It was decided one day, after
"a happy inspiration on the part of Charlie
to put robin Hood ION the boards
All the old Christmas trees in the neigh
borhood were collected and set in place
to serve as the forest Of Arden, or what
ever it was. The audience was supposed
to sit ON the fence that bounded the for
est.
AS the play proceeded Will Scarlet, who
was captured in some minor dereliction
such as cutting a throat or taking a purse
and who was brought before the sheriff
of Nottingham, made this touching plea:
Have mercy upon me, noble sir"
The sheriffs answer ought to have been
after this manner:
Have mercy upon thee, thou vile VAR
let, never!''
But unhappily the sheriff forgot his lines
and as he faced grinning and expec-
tant audience on the fence, he was forced
to eXtemporize, which he did in the fol-
lowing words, losing the letter but retain-
ing the spirit of the sheriff's reply:
Have mercy upon thee, thou cheap
skate. Well, I guess nit"
And the audience was carried away
with surprise and Joy over 1.-THE sheriff.
happy and up-to-date reply.
-as "A. J. R.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1903-09-26
HIS MAN "HoUsEMAID"

In England a special s3.75 license is re-
quired for the privilege of keeping man
servant, and a Londoner recently arrested
for failure to comply with the law
brought forward the novel defense. "He
is my housemaid." There seems to be
an increasing tendency in London to en-
ploy men to do the work commonly as
signed to housemaids, and they do it
better The defense, however, was not
accepted by the law.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1903-09-26
Lippincott's Magazine

A young teacher who had taken special
pains to implant a knowledge of United
States history could but feel that much
of the good seed soWn had fallen on stony
ground when at the final examination the
question, What character do you like
best, and why?" brought forth the follow
ing astonishing replies:
Andrew Jackson, because he whipped
the British with an old hickory.
Grant, who was elected president twice
and around the world once
IT like Monroe for doctrin' the people
and not chargin anythink for it,
General Lee, because he shouted,
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1903-09-26
Casually Observed;

I = i &
\ The Hon. William s.. Devery, now run
ming for mayor of New York, elegantly
and forcibly expresses his sense of the
inevitable in life in these sturdy words !:
IS EVERY guy gets a hnIsh handed to him
once In a while e. -sss-f
The Chicago News says that a skeptic is
man who doubts his own fish story.
4 The Hector. Mimi. i Mirror wants a prin-
ter but it announces in cold, hard type
metal that twill not have a "booze fighter
or cigarette fend,' about the office. The
Mirror reflects albright light on the pro-,
feSSion. . h
q While the Jordan Independent editor
was away, the man who pushed the paper
thru said:
The per capita circulation in this country Is
figured at $2s34. According to that there5ais
1852. 0Ss. in kour house somewhere. Well look
for 1t as soon as Casey arrives at home to care
for the editorial work of this paper We know
where the 8 cents is now but perhaps we can
find the balance somewhere.
That very high class English paper, the
Westminster Gazette. is guilty Of fabri-
eating the following story of q Baptist
minister in a certain village who was as
tonished at being called in to minister to
a dying churchman. Having afforded
what consolation he could to the sick man
he asked the churchman's wife, why
didn't you send for your own clergyman?,
"Oh, no, SIR she replied; the doctor
said the case was Infectious ~
The natives boloed General Funston,
then the physicians operated on him for
appendicitis of the liver, then he was vac,
cinated and after he got back his health
he was reprimanded by the war depart
ment for talking too much. Then came
that baby. Funston survived all this and
now they have sent him to- winter in
Alaska. How horribly that man must love
his country!
Uncle Jim, in the Appleton Press, is be-
ing talked about Uncle gets after the
gossips in this strong and refreshing man
ner:
Dear reader, beware Of that obese tea drinker
with the pozzmni smile and the unstaunchable
speech, with that understandable suggestiyeness
Of angel food, quilting chicken pie suppers and
Sunday school. Strange it may SEEM her
life Is not one beautiful panorama of charitable
acts; with her kind she sits all day and de-
stroys that delicate fabric which we call repu-
tation. They jab it with needles, snip it with
scissors, freeze it with cream and roast it with
pork and beans And, mind you, they do this,
not for material gain, not from Jealousy or
hatred, but for entertainment When the
Ladies' Home Journal has exhausted it's sugges-
lions for freak amusements they fall back on
the old matnstay-tattle. :, Tattle is to a
small town woman what gum shoe is to pup;
other pleasures are transient but tattle is good
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1903-09-26

the part of the flour mill strikers to enlist
the powers Of the boycott on their side.
It is to be hoped for the general good that
this policy will not be adopted. We have
no doubt it would be a serious tactical
mistake from the standpoint of the
strikers. for we do not believe the general
public will look with any degree. Of. pa
tience upon any effort to entangle 1.-The
business of this community In The meshes
of a general boycott. .f:-'
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1903-09-26
TAKE. YOUR CHOICE

There's Jackson standing on a stone WALL
and fell dead. -
Columbus, because if it hadn't been
for him there wouldn't have been any
others to like"
Lincoln, who was shot and killed
standing in a booth, and died saying, JEFF,
fersen survives. am contented'"
DE Soto, who waded in the Mississippi
up to his elbows and there found his
grave
e .Old General Putnam, who left his OK
and ass in the field and went and beat the
British
The redoubtful John Paul Jones, be-
cause he said. Wen beat them British or
bust and then did it -
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1903-09-26
An Issue Spoiled.

It&seems thats Senator Beveridge was not
identified at that lunch counter by rail-
road passes after all. The senator had that
disagreeable experience which is likely to
happen to any man, no matter how pleth-
ORIG his bank account. He found him
self one day without any money in his
pocket. The discovery was not made until
after he had lunched at public dining
hall He had difficulty in satisfying the
proprietor as to his identity and as to his
ability to pay next time. The story was
that in order to identify himself, the SEN
ator showed a card case containing a lot
of railroad passes, and forthwith ;nles
joshers got busy and had lot Of sportssou
of the idea that Senator Beveridgesshould
be compelled to expose to the public the
fact that his pockets were lined with free
transportation.
1t seems now that the popularity at the
the senator's expense was quite too pre-
vious. It seems that he did not expose
any railroad passes, that he never has
railroad passes, nor telegraph franks, nor
any of those little perquisites which some
public men are willing to take advantage
of. Altho never posing as a populist,
never accused of being a demagogue,
never engaged in playing to the galleries,
never blowing about it for political effect,
Senator Beveridge has persistently and
consistently refused to accept any favors
Of this kind. preferring to pay for his
railroad tickets, and his kilograms, and
his express service and his steamship rides
out of his own pocket. There is one Pc
culiarly satisfactory feature about this; it
has deprived some democratic papers in,
Indiana of a sample democratic issue.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1903-09-26
KNEW HE WAS "sMART"

Lord Brampton tells the following story
of the days before he became Justice
Hawkins. His first brief was to defend
one of two men charged with coming, and
when they were placed in the dock he
overheard a brief colloquy between them.
Coiner No. 1 told his comrade that he was
to be defended by a very good man.. Coiner
No. said he also was defended. He did
not know the gentleman's name, but
indica ting Mr.. Hawkins-he added, admir-
ingly, 'hes a, smart -'un When I handed
over the fee he put the thick uni. e.,
his teeth and bit it.
He's the chap for my money
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1903-09-26
WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK
Here's a Poser.
To the Editor Of The journal,

10 the EdlCor OF Inc JOurnalIS, 80
Doubtless most of.your readers are ia
| miliar with Stockton's queer bit Of felton,
"The Lady or the Tiger in which he
presents trying test of human affection
and then tantalizes. his reader by, leav-
ing unsolved the question whether his
heroine allowed { her lover To- furnish a
square meal for a hungry tiger OF suf-
fered him to marry a. girl selected. by her
cruel father, the king.
A friend of mine who realizes that his
days are numbered by the slow but cease
less progress of an incurable disease, tells
me there FWass resented to him lately in
a. dream a question: to him more perplex-
ing than that; conceived by. Stocktontos: In
the first act-if we; may Sc: class it--of
the dream he had died and as his soul was
pluming for it's flight to the heavenly re-
gionS, he turned and saw with anguish
his wife and children standing about his
bier, eartbroxen in their sorrow and deaf
to the attempted consolation of friends,
He had BEEN ~ most devoted husband land
grief over his loss as such.t Then heltsaW
another picture-pressnted in. the inexpli-
cable manner of the dreamland-s scene
shifter-and he3Iooked upon his family as
they appeared at his obsequies.t paying
only formal and decent respect to the
memory Of the departed, and while his
wife and older children accompanied the
hearse to the funeral, the younger ones
remained behind to play with a neighbours
children who had just acquired a billy
goat. In this scene. he remembered him
self as a somewhat parsim onious and
carping sort of husband and a stern and
unsympathetie father, and naturally there
was no funeral gush at his going. When
he aWoke and recalled the misery of his
loved ones in the first, and the freedom
from heartache in the second scene, he
was deeply impressed by the question OF
duty to his loved ones presented. He
may hope to live long enough to grad
ually chill their affection for him by an
enforced austerity and to spare the an
guish that will ere long be theirs, if he
continues his present role Of a kind and
loving husband and father. He asks me
what would do. What would YOU do?
-B. w. D.
Hutchinson, Mimi, Sept: Is. f &
n We pass it on to the readers Of T h e.
j Ourn a IL Perhaps some. of them may
be able to answer sB.aW. D.'s' question
2,'--Eld;fnr 81
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1903-09-26
THE MEANEsT MAN rs FINALLY FOUND

to wait at the Chicago & Alton depot
until he went to the show, and he would
tell them all about it when he came back.
One of the children cried like it's heart
would break, but the man kept right on
UP the track toward the circus tent. The
woman looked very much distressed be-
cause the children were going to miss
the circus. gentleman who knew the
family came along and saw the woman's
plight and invited her and the children;
to go to the show with him. The invita-
ton was accepted and the little ones
went away with smiling faces.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1903-09-26
voLTAlRE AND ENGLISH

Voltaire could not speak much English.
The reason why he refused to study the
language is this: 1t was drilled into him
thatt "plag que was pronounced .plaig, ..
which hetthought very pretty and accept
able. but, right on top Of 1t he was intro
duGed to "ague," which his teacher said
mist be called "a que Finding it inpos-
sihls to reconcile the differences he went
off into, a philosophical tantrum and
dropped the study.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1903-09-26
! ARlsTocRAcY

Miss Gladys Deacon has been repeating.
of late, with, considerable scorn, the char
acterization of Chicago that an English
man recently made for her.
y cot course, said Miss Deacon, 1.-THE
was wrong, but he was rather
amusing. He said: ,tygr
5s..F1There are two classes in Chicago, the
aristocrats and the common people. The
common people are those who kill pigs.
The: aristocrats are those whose fathers
killed. pigs. Touch on pork anywhere in
Chicago and they bristle up
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1903-09-26
PARIS, WONDERFUL CLOCK

The Grand Palais in Paris possesses a
wonderful clock, which was shown in the
Paris exhibition of 1856 1t was the work
Of Collin. and has just been overhauled.
1t issclainled for this chef d'oeuvre says
the Debats, that it does not vary more
than the hundredth part Of a second in a
year, 1t is four and a. half meters in
height and indicates the time in the
twelve chief cities of the world, each city
having it's own dial. The clock not only
marks the year, month and day Of the
week, but its pendulum forms barometer
of singular precision.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1903-09-26
Kansas City Journal.

Kansas City Journal.
4 The meanest man on earth has been
found as many times as Charley Ross,
but each time somebody has been able
to find a meaner. The Louisiana Press
thinks it has at last found the only gem
uine meanest man, all others being base
limitations and the reader; after perus-
ing this story about him, will agree with
the Press He brought his family "a
wife and two children) to this city. from a
nearby town Saturday, says the Press.
When the circus opened in the after
noon the man told his wife and children
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1903-09-26

A camp-meeting was In progress in the,
wire-g grass regior OF Georgia. The after
noon service was conducted by Uncle
Nose Bradford. an exhorter Of deep piety,
but entirely innocent of book .learning. He
took for his text on this occasion the
words Of st. Paul For / have learned in
whatsoever stated am herewith to be
content" ei.,S
After talking about fifteen, minutes on
the beauty of contentment from Chris
tian's point of view, he suddenly an
nounced that he was going to throw the
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1903-09-26
SHE WAS COMMENTED
Lippircott's Magazine.

Magazin
meeting OPEN His invitation was, IF
you've got anything to be thankful for,
git up and say so.
One after another arose and spoke OF
peace and contentment under circum-
stances that seemed impossible judged
from a worldly standpoint. Some said.
they We're thankful for things they had
missed, and at last an old lady arose,
pushed back her sunbonnet and with q
beaming countenance triumphantly ex-A
claimed, well, Brother Nose, hain't got
but two teeth, but, thank God, they hitps
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1903-09-26
TRUE GENIUS.
Cleveland. Plain Dealer. &

Hicks--We had great time at the club
last night. Sorry not to see you there
Charley ~ =
Mrs. Porter (after Hicks had gomez
Why, Charles, you told me you spent the
whole of last evening at the club.
Mr.. Porter with great presence Of
mind)- 4 di6,sTInY dear. The reason
Hicks didn't see me was because he
wasn't there himself. Trying to deceive
his wife probably
Mrs. Porter-Ehe wretch! And he
would try to rob me5of the confidence i
have IN YOU i always did see something
about that man didn't like. ST
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1903-09-26

Henry Watterson is accusing men almost
as good as himself of selling their votes
as senators for the Panama canal. Hen
RVS discovery comes a little late to be Of
highest Importance; the Panama treaty is
dead. -..-....s..
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1903-09-26
TWENTY-FIVE YEARS AGO

The Journal would be glad to re-
celve by mall, or otherwise, the names OF
all persons who were readers and sub
scrlbers to this paper when 1t started
twenty-five years ago this fall, or VINO
became subscribers during tho first year
Of It's existence. and their present ad-
dresses.
The Journa would also be pleased.
to have the names of men living who
were newsboys In Minneapolis twenty
five years ago, and their present ad-
dresses. u f>"
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1903-09-26

Josep1,s Cham beIlaira Who stepRed out
Of The British cabinet the other dayssslsi.s
so years old, He doesn't look IT.: !. he
doesn't act it. No one who has paid any
attention to his career or realizes his vigori
and power. believes that he 1neansssto
quit. On the contrary, he is believed to.
be only placing himself In a positions to
take the adership In the formation Of
a. new policy and a new party ito. 3.
port it. "a rr.4F :ss II 81 4 IN ~ ~
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1903-09-26
SATURDAY. EVENING,

point recovery was made in part This
was a development quite to be expected.
The suddenness OF the rise OF the labor
dispute disturbed holders of wheat, and
once the strike was on quantities of wheat
that Otherwise would have disappeared
from view MS wheat. was diverted from
the mills to elevators, with the resultSof
an increase of about 100000 bushels for
the week In Minneapolis stocks. Many
feel that the effect has been more than
sufficiently discounted, and that should
the strike be settled, or should it prove
that any number of mills can be operated
under present circumstances wheat will
recover the recent loss in some part at
least. Ss t KS Al tl,3 -5
! There is talk Of a. new trolley system,
Any system that: will give: this city some
cross town lines will be good thing for
the public. The refusal of the Rapid
Transit company to build much needed
cross-town lines Is only equaled in its
indifference to- the needs Of the conmu-
nifty by the inaction of.sthe city council
in the matter.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1903-09-26

AN INVITATION is extended % all TO visit
the Press Room, which IL the dnest In the west
Goss Presses, with total capacity OF ~, 600
eight-page Journals an hour. printed. foided
to $3.50 p. m. Inquire Mt the business Office ano
be directed to the vistors' gallery. OF the Prsss
Room. /. b
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1903-09-26

This is what has been accomplished in
Manila, for people whom, lit has been
contended, we could not successfully guide
In the direction Of stable and enlightened
popular government and yet here In
Minneapolis We haven't enough OF the
principle OF the merit system in our civil l
service to. protect q ten dollar q week
clerk in his position. "a zsF # sgs
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1903-09-26
Hutchinson, Mimi, Sept. Is

Il We pass it on to the readers of T h 6
j 9 u n a l. Perhaps some Of them may
be able to answer SOB. w. D's' question.
What would you do ?"--Editor Journal
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1903-09-26

7. A number of state newspapers are
roasting: the state board of equalization.
for, raising personal property values in
the. country, and not taking the. same
course toward the public service corpora
lions, These editors are a little quick in
the, trigger. The board will take up fran
chises Tuesday morning, and a large ad-
vance in the assessments is promised
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1903-09-26

/ Peter IT, Sehwarg Of Dodge Center is
still carrying on a still hunt for the nomi-
nation for state treasurer. Evidences
crop up occasionally, to show that he has
done some effective work. He is using
the third term argument, which has a
very. catchy sound, for opponents of the
present state administration. No one has
seen, fit to make that issue with Peter
E. Hanson. and it is now conceded that
he will have no opposition for a third
term nomination. - 49,
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1903-08-18

The people of the state will watch
with interest the prosecutions under
the new pure food law, the first ar
rest under the provisions Of the law
having been made in Grand Forks
county. The matter OF pure food is
a vital one. and the sale of inferior and
adulterated compounds, branded as
pure should be punished whenever
the authorities are able to obtain the
necessary proof. North Dakota has
made a limited appropriation for this
work, but may be expected to increase
it another session Of the legislature.
To raise the standard Of food products
sold in the state is worth whatever
expense is incurred. 1t is a matter in
which the people of the entire state
should take a vital interest.
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1903-08-18

made a gain of So per cent. Eighteen
new banks were established during
the fiscal year closing last June.
The state banks show corresponding
gains and the total deposits will ex
coed 1872, GOA, 900, which is a pretty
good showing for a population Of AGO.
900.
The twin states are bounding right
of a few years ago can hardly realize
that they held such views as they did.
The lesson of the DakOtas should be
applied to Oklahoma, a territory that
should even now be a state.