The Savannah morning news., 1903-07-19

The Widow.
While in Peekslin 1 went to call on
two old friends, a widow and a maiden
lady.
Said the widow:
We'll, | married when 1 was quite
young. Ny husband died and I had
him cremated. In about two years 1
married again; he died and 1 had him
cremated. l married third time and
lived to cremate him.
All" answered the maiden lady,
wonderful are the ways of Providence.
Here I've lived all these years and new
er have been able to get married to
one man, and you've had husbands TO
burn"
The Reminder.
They tell the story of a senator be-
ing shaved by an aged colored barber
at the Arlington Hotel in Washington
and remarking to him. ''Uncle, you
must have had among your customers
many of my distinguished predecessors
in the Senate-manY of the men now
dead who have occupied the place
now fill"
Yes, sah." said the barber; Use
known most all of dem. BY the way,
senator, YOU remind me of Daniel
Webster"
The gratified statesman raised himself
in his chair and placed his hand upon
his forehead. as it my brow?"
mo. boss" said the barber: ut is
your breath"
The Autograph.
went to a hotel in Georgia and said
to the clerk:
Where shall I autograph"
Autograph" said the clerk.
Yes; sign my name, you know"
"Oh, right here l signed my name
in the register In a little while in
came some Georgia crackers. One of
them advanced to the desk.
will you autograph" asked the
clerk, with smile.
Certainly" said the Georgia crack
err, beaming. Mines rye. What's yours,
fellows?"
The Boy and the WOOdchuck.
The teacher of the district school up
at Peekskill called up the two biggest
boys in his class one day and said:
Tom, you are Republican,"
Eyes, sir"
And, Sam, you are a Democrat?"
Yes, SIR"
well, now, the one of you who can
| give me the best reason why he be-
| longs to his party can have this wood
chuck I caught on my way to school
this morning. Now, Tom, why are you
! Republican,"
II am Republican" said the boy
| because the Republican party saved
| the country in the war, abolished
! slavery and brought about the resurap-
ton of specie payments, and has done
everything for the good of the coun-
try"
That is good reason" said the
| teacher. Now, what is the reason VOL
are a Democrat, Sam?''
We'll, sir" was the reply, 81 am q
Democrat because 1 want the wood.
chuck"
The Honest Lawyer.
There is an old story of a lawyer
named Strange and his wife having 6
conference as to the things he wished
done after he had departed this life.
Il want a maidstone put over me
my DEAR" said the lawyer, with tn,
simple inscription. Here lies an hon.
est lawyer "
The wife expressed surprise that HI
did not wish his name put on thu
headstone.
1T will not be needful," he respond
ed, for those who pass by and reac
that inscription will invariably re
mark, That's Strange"
The Total Abstniner,
temperance lecturer was caugh
-Py disciple after he retired taking
hot whisky punch. Said his shocke,
follower:
Il thought you were a total abstain
err"
80 I am" said the lecturer, "bu
not bigoted one"
The Post MOrtem.
There is a friend of mine living ii
Peekskin who had all the ills fiesl
was heir to, and he took pills ant
powders and powders and pills with
out result. So he called in nv oil
tor looked at his tongue, lifted UP hi
eyelids and looked at his eyes ant
shook his head.
How do you diagnose my case, doc
tor?' Janxiously inquired the patient.
WELL said the doctor slowly "
can't tell exactly what's the matte
with you, but the post norton will
show"
The Bride and the Butter.
A friend of mine stopping recent.
at Washington hotel sat beside
bride who had been a widow and Oh
her first wedding journey had stayet
at the same inn.
She said: John, pass me the but
ter"
The bridegroom Indignantly replied
''My name is not John, it is Charles.
She said: Excuse my mistake
Charles" and then. tasting the butter
said refectively, but it is the sam
butter"
Demand and Supply.
Demand and supply don't Away
govern prices. Business tact some
times governs them. The other day
stepped up to a German butcher ant
out of curiosity asked, whats tn
price of sausages?"
"Dwendy &c ITS q pound" he said.
"You asked twenty-five this morn
ing" l reminded him.
"Ya, dot was ven 1 had some. Nov
I amt got some 1 sells him for dwend.
cents. Dot makes me a reputation TO
selling cheap and 1 don't lose nod
dings."
You see, 1 didn't want any sausages
and the man didn't have any-no de
mand, no supply-yet the price of sau
sages went down.
During the recent visit of Maj. Gen
Baden-Powell to Liverpool the ladie
of the city in particular paid him spe
cial honor and so impressed him tina