Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1903-02-21

] tts AsA% AA ARfH fhAtN4 ~ lt@ itftAi+ - H.
I p3t gp tbefe. f'sa room seemed 81
ING around me. / theueht cvefs
hallafe I was eOl4e 70 faint. In 81.
distress J could realize III a dim laF
away manner that the whole room was
roaring with laughter. ! gasped. /
ives wtite and red. / grabbed sor Scrne
water. [ got the pitcher and. not walt
ing for q glass, | drank out Of thp
pitcher. Then they howled. Thee
thought that was a piece OF low COIN.
cdy business. They did not realize hog
thin the line that separated tragedy
from comedy"
Just then a card came. and Mr.. Ford
excused himself. When he came back.
he sighed:
"Jusl the president Of tie board d
trade and transportation Of New ia.
ven wants me to run up and make d
speech. No trouble at all, be assured
me. Just get on the train right here ri
the door and get Of Il little talk.
'Troublel Why, when l am going to
make a speech It hangs over me for
days. ! almost give it up. Then ! lock
myself ia a room | write Mr.. Toast.
master and gentlemen Then | sit
there and smoke. / smoke half an
hour and give Ii up. Then think of q
line. That may suggest another line.
| write a hundred words. then decide
III give the whole business up, But
finally | squeeze out something. Work
there's no work ike trying 10 be tn
morous. Splitting rails is pure recrea
ton compared to It. Your humorist u
always a sad fellow. He's invariably
melancholy, sometimes a hypochon-
drlac. 1t is tie natural reaction. l sup
pose" =
Here are some OF Mr.. Fosd's most
recent samples Of humor:
on h1s BoYnoop HOME.
when ! describe the town as rest
full, ] but f.fbly describe 1t. When !
say it was healthful, l am wen within
the mark. If a man died there under
eighty years cf age. they hung white
rape on the doorbell and carved a lit
tie lamb oil. his tombstone. The flight
Of time has little effect upon the folks
there, Last sumner ! went up with
my children. 4 dashing young blade
Of some ninety summers fell into con-
verse with me al the village store aud
asked my name. 4 recall your face
he said, but | can't place YOU 'Bord?'
ne said. There was a kind of slabsid-
ed, lantern jawed euss by that name
left here last summer to go to work in
New York | said, L am the cuss, but
; "a -~.. - I,.4 ..v,1,n k,,t tl9aAv cum
mers ago that l left Well he said.
soon as l caught sight of you i
knowed I'd @en you somewhere re-
Gently"
ON THE CITE GUEsT.
'"The timid man stands in front of the
clerk, and the clerk affects to be Oh
nylous of bis presence and continues
to relate a humorous anecdote TO the
commercial traveller. Finally the tmid
man plucks ~ courage to ask the clerk
if he car get q room. The clerk, with
u look OF disdain, spins the register
around, projects y pen at the timid
man, and the timid man feels that the
really proper hing for him to do would
be TO get OF T. , earth. After the reg
. lAltkaAlE - AOAN. LAX 1aAep W.T.
Front" and hausatily points at the
timid man, and he African gem
tleman drags him AMY and slams him
into the elevator. When he is in his
room the col9red gentleman brushes
AWAY the last remaining spark of vital
ity which yet remains in him and
leaves him In q condition of collapse"
ON THU RACE QUESTION.
Il asked Boldt if many colored folks
had ~patronized the Waldorf, and he
said he had only seen two in his restau-
rant, and when they glanced at the
prices on the bill Of fare they both
turned white. The Bible says the Loop
ard cannot change his spots nor the
Ethiopian his skin, but when that
statement was made the Waldorf
wasn't opened The Waldorf can knock
the spots out of anything. and l pre-
sumo they would skin an Ethiopian
just as quick as they would a white
man"
ON BROOKLYN.
~"Brooklyn, as you know, is situated
between the borough of Manhattan
and Greenwood cemetery-midway be
tween pleasure and the grave-and has
produced some great men besides st
Clair McKelway. Sem Low and Tim
Woodruff and Mr.. Shepard all emanah
from Brooklyn. / spraRg from Brook
Ign myself. l sprang from Brooklyn the
minute | had money enough to pay
board in New York, and l am proud
Of it."
Popularity of Hanna's Famous Hash.
"Corned beef Lash a la Hanna" is a
favorite lunch IA dish with many SEN
ators, writes the New York Worlds
Washington correspondent When