Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1903-10-07
If Editors Told No Lies.

told no lies, what an uncomfortable
world this would be for some peo-
pie to live in, and then reproduces
the following spicy production from
an Iowa exchange.
'sIt has been said that editors use
the whitewash brush in obituaries
and dare not tell the truth about the
dead or the living. This is not a
fact, the editor simply wants to
make the living feel as good as he
can and assuage grief by taffy. Oc-
casionly we are willing to tell
things just as they are in detail.
How will the following do for a
starter?
''Died, Thomas P. Rowell, aged 20
years, six months and Is days. De-
ceased was a red-headed son-of-a
gun who stole chickens and had a
whisky nose on him. He owed Lewis
for the clothes he was buried in
and Treganza had to get the cost of
the casket out of the county. De-
ceased was mild-mannered pirate,
with a mouth for whisky and an eye
for Doodle. He came here in the
night with another mans wife and
Joined the church at the first
chance. He owed us several dol
lars for the paper, a large meat bill,
and you could hear him pray six
blocks. He died singing Jesus Paid
It ALP, and we think he is right, as
he never paid anything himself.
He was buried in an asbestos-lined
casket, and his many friends threw
palm-leaf fans in the grave, as he
may need them. His tombstone
will be favorite roosting place for
hell-divefs and hoot-owls. Let him
r. I. P. crest in peace.)
Born to Mr.. and Mrs. Joe Bloom
berg, son weighing ten pounds.
This one has two legs, and, fortunate
ly, hasn't hare lip or-bat eyes. This
is the tenth one now living if none
of them are starved to death since
our last issue. 10 hasn't done a
days work for three years, unless
forced to by the neighbors, who are
now taking care of his wife. He
owes every man in town and is uni
versally detested. Mother and
child are doing well as could be ex-
pected.
Married at the home of the brid-
e's parents, John Hogan to Miss
Matilda Bottleson. The bride was
beautifully attired in a green basque
with yellow skirt to match
caught over blue denim petticoat
with passamenterie trimming, red
jacket to correspond with her eyes
and hair, a blue hat with red
feather, white shoes and black stock
ings. The groom wore the conven-
tional ducking overalls with wamus
to match a straw hat and kid
gloves. They were married in the
kitchen Of the palatiai home, which
is AXIS, one story, twelve foot posts
with lean to on stone foundation, no
exposures within twenty feet. The
fireman played an overture OH the
hose cart bell as they passed under
a bridal arch of sunfower and holly
hooks. John had not money enough
to hire minister, SO he had JUS
tice of the peace come in and marry
them, and worked out his road tax
for pay. The groom is a knock
kneed, pigeon-toed fellow, who drift
ed in here at the hobo convention
He has never been in states prison
we don't know why. One of his
legs is longer than the other, and his
eyes don't match. He chews, smokes
and fiddles for dances. He is well
liked in society. The happy bride
was born of honest but well meaning
parents, and could walk alone at six
months; at ten she could run real
fast; and has never Stacked her
gait She has many friends-most
of them dead ones. The happy
couple took a bridal trip to Wesley
and will then be at home with the
old man until they are kicked out.
The Tribune wishes them long life
and happiness.