Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1903-01-03
When you are lonesome you realize

y L
in, Skinny. Youse got y'r hans in y'r
pockets. "-Baltimor News.
German Instructor 0o usually late
student}-'T see you are early of lateS
you used to ~ behind before and now
you are first at last. Harvard Lam
poon.
His Needs Were Small.-Landlady--
What portion of the chicken would
you like, Mr.. Newcomers" Mr. New
comer-"Oh, half of it will be ample,
thank you. "-Tit-Blts.
Mrs. Waggs-'I understand that
drinking is one of your husbands fail
ings." Mrs. Jaggs-"You have been
misinformed; it is his most pronounced
cess."-Chlcago Daily News.
Teacher-"Johnnie this is the worst
composition in the class, and I'm going
TO write TO your father and tell HIM"
Johnnie-"Don't keer If We do; he wrote
it FER me."-Detroit Free Press.
Mrs. Grady-"Mrs. Dolan loikes her
second husband betther than her first"
Mrs. Dooley--'An' phwy?" Mrs. Grady
"Shure. he's In Jail so much she has
nearly all she earns fer hersilf."--
Judge.
ConsolatIon.--"I'm feeling very i'll
again, doctor; do you think I'm going
to die:" My dear madam compose
yourself; that is the last thing in the
world that is going to happen to you"
-Tlt-Bits.
lis this, then to be the end of our
romance?' he asked. No" she an.
swcrcd; my lawyer will call on you in
The morning. have Il bushcl and
half of your letters. Chicago Rec
ord Herald.
Yes, l consider my life a failure
"Oh. Henry, how sud, Why should
you say thatY' II spend all my lime
making money enough to buy food and
clothes; but the food disagrees with
me, and my clotHcs don't tlt."-What to
| Eat.
"Oh, Major Bloodgore" said girl
ISL gusher, they say that during the
! war you were always cool In action"
| "Coolr declared the major; why. my
dear girl, | was SO cool that when
shivered people msInuated that was
trembling. baltimore Herald.
She-"Somc persons claim that they
cannot look from 4 height without
wishing to cast themselves down. Did
you ever have that feeling, Mr. Yearn-
sof" He-"Once." Indeed? Where
were you" 81 was IN an elevated car
and l saw you in the street. New
York Weekly
but can you cookI' asked the pro.
sale young man. Let us take those
questions up In their proper order" re-
turned the wise girl The matter OF
cooking is not the first to be consid,
cred" Then what Is the tirstI" he
demanded. Can you provide the things
to be cooked F'-CAicago Evening Post.
Harrls-"When l meet Flanders he
generally has something to say about
| the virtues of his first wife. and my
wife says Mrs. Flanders is always talk
ing about her first husbands good
points Damon--"So they both have
! been married before Harris-"Yes.
! What pity that first husband and that
first wife couldn't have marNed ono an.
other. They'd make an deal match,
Mrs. Tempcrton-"I'ye got the dear
est old darling of a husband that ever
! happened lie has an awful temper,
and about once month he gets mad
and tears up my best nat" Miss Sin
| gleton-"Ana you call him dear old
darling after that? How can your
Mrs Temperton.-- Wen. you see he
always has fiji OF rcmorse next day
and buys me better one, Chicago
! News
Rather abscnt.mindcd. isn't hef"
Extremely SO. Why the other night
| when he got home he knew there was
something he wanted to do, but he
couldn't remember what Il was until he
had sat up over an hour trying 10
think" and did he finally remember
itE' Yes; he discovered that he had
wanted to 90 to bed early. "-Philadel.
phla Press.
lie was cutting an item from news.
paper. 1T tells how Il house was
robbed. and want 10 show it to nay
Wife" he explained "Nhat good wiz
that dof" friend inquired. a whole
loG" was the reply; you see, this house
was robbed while the man was at
hurch with hjS wife" Say eX-
claimed the friend oNcitcdly you
haven't got duplicate copy OF that pa.
4 b ..4...ry.