The Intermountain Catholic. (Salt Lake City [Utah] ;) 1899-1920, 1903-09-19

eIsued, for the man with a plan to de.
feat the conscriptions could get money
much more easily than can the man to-
day who has a sure tip on the races.
! There was one CONSUMPTION fakir who
made thousands of dollars before the au-
! thorities restrained him. This chap would
/ send letters broadcast. wherein he said
/ he would communicate for 50 a sure
/ means of escaping the CONSUMPTION. Let
| ters, inclosing 81 notes. poured in on him
/ and in replying to each letter he would
send a printed slip reading:
mant' .
I S, P. Langley, the aeronauticaI pioneer
| will never discuss flying machines with
newspaper men. but on other topics he is
not SO reluctant He talked the other day
about his boyhood
Among the memories of my boyhood, "
| he said, there is one odd episode that is
! particularly vivid. 1t is a conversation
that | overheard one morning between
two women. The women We're talking
about babies-their size, weight and so
forth.
Why when l was week old. said
the first woman. I was such a little baby
that they put me in quart pot and put
THE other woman was amazed and
Mortified. And did you live?' she asked.
:. :. They say, did, her friend answered.
We'll. well. well exclaimed the sec
ond woman; and she glanced at the other
almost doubtfully."
#x
Not so very long ago there was big
fire in Portland. Me- A large number of
houses were burned and many people left
ShalterlesS.
The mayor of Portland, Ore, saw d
chance to make a play. He rushed to
the telegraph office as soon as he heard
Of the fire and .telegraphed to the mayor
Portland. Ore. sympathizes with you
in Your affliction. What can we do for
you?"
The mayor of Portland. Me. was
touched by this offer of assistance from
the mayor of the namesake city He
wired back: Best thanks for your offer
of assistance. We need food and cloth
ing and money to pay for both, for the
desolate''
Meantime there had been a meeting of
the board of aldermen of Portland. Ore,
and those hard-headed citizens could find
no excuse for reaching across the conti
nent to help the burned-out in Portland,
Me. They refused to back up the mayors
telegram.
did not know what to do, but. after long
thought. he let himself out with this
dispatch:
Much obliged for your prompt reply.
L merely asked for information
When the fight against Cuban reciproc-
ity was at its bitterest point in congress,
Senator Burrows of Michigan received
this letter from perpleXed but earnest
constituent:
Dear Senator-If this here leceprosty
bisnes is fixed between us and Cuba as
they say We'll have to grow our own to-
bac or else make them Cubans rich
enough to buy the hull country [ do
littel chawin' myself and l don't b'lieve
in buildin' up no trust. I'd like to raise
my own plug. [ amt no hand to ask
taVors. but If you could send me a pack
age of terbac seed it would be remem-
bered
.'P. 81 want to raise the kind of plug
with tin things onto it
Senator Berry of Arkansas is one of the
story-tellers of the Democratic cloak
room.
Down in Pike county" he said. I'VE
had a trial / attended once where a man
named Johnson was on the stand Join
was setting things straight was eau
ton
:" Here said the attorney for the prose
cution, when he took Johnson in hand, 1
want you to stop prevaricating. Don't
you know you are under oath?'
" Stop WHAT asked the witness.
Stop prevaricating.
THE witness drew himself up with
know how man can help prevaricatin'
when he's lost two front teeth
Down in our country said Represent
alive John Sharp Williams of Mississippi,
cash is sometimes scarce commodity.
Last spring man came in from the
north and bought sawmill of one of our
He paid $500 cash for it.
They were discussing the transaction
at the country store that night and had
gone over it in all it's details. Aaron
Smith one of the hard-up men of the
sat and listened: After the
subject had been exhausted, he said:
Well there's one thing about it. | can't
for the life of me see what a man with
$500 in cash wants of a sawmill.
Senator Stewart of Nevada, mountain
Gus and gray-bearded. used the word in
trinsic'' in speech before a committee.
Oregon. 'you didn't use that word right
What word?" asked Senator Stewart
why, intrinsic
Yes. / did
webster? What WebSter?'
"Webster's dictionary
Now. see here growled Stewart, 'I
ana tired of having that book quoted at
me- Why, every school boy knows it is
a mere tumble of words.
Senator Blackburn of Kentucky speaks
with the soft Southern accent the novel !
SITS always give to their Blue Grass hero
mes.
Can you tell me, sub he asked of
one of the doorkeepers at the senate last !
March, whether Senator Hoar is on the |
Hop
Senator Frye. a great chum of Black /
DurnS and an fnveterate tease, came by |
and heard the question.
No, sub" he replied; Senator Hoah |
s not on the flo: He went out of that do |
IT half-past TO-