The citizen-Republican. (Scotland, Bon Homme County, S.D.) 1???-19??, 1903-12-17
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1T was Mark TWain's custom to8ai-
ways have his tonsorial requirements
attended to at an uptown hosiery. Q n
occasion Mr. Clemens i
while the Ekilful 81 the artist
trimmed his thick white hair. whensthe
sharp call OF front, aWoke him, the
n~oisemaker presenting him with q card,
The diminutive hotel employ was OF
more interest to- the great huraorist
than swaS the card. Mark's@Asyes
twinkled and then he looked solemn
And who are your he inquired,
gravely.
A page EXCLAIMED Mark. with due
scorn; page-humph-why, YOU
arenst more than paragraph
Here Is aastory told by Harry 6. New,
national republican chairman for n
diana.
On Il Of the railroads that runs
from Indianapolis To Illinois points was
an old section boss who was democrat
OF the ancient school. He took SO
much interest In politics that several
jlttnes he came near losing his job for
lineglecttnE his duties. At tho last ma
~itional election he was greatly excited,
land when the polls closed he haunted
the telegraph office In the little station
where he was located. The operator
finally, In order to get rid of him, said
that as far as he had heard what Was
going Owe the wires the democrats
were in the lead.
An, how far did Yez hear?" asked
Jimmy.
wen, Aurora, Peoria and Mendoza,
I'm Illinois, have been carried by the
democrats" replied the operator.
GLORY be to hlyens!" shouted Jimmy,
flashing up the track on a keen rum,
5eBryan is ulected. He's carried four
states-Auroory, Feorry. Mendata, an
Illtnize.'
T. Senator Depew is something Of q phi.
~ilosopher, as well as a politician and
corporation lawyer.
He said recently that the narrowest
escape Of his life was When he refused,
some thirty years ago. to advance Sl0,-
I 0G05to help Alexander Graham Bell and
his father-in-law, the late Gardiner
Hubbard, to develop the new talking
telegraph" now soscommonly known as
the telephone. AT that time Mr.. SDepew
twas counsel for Yanderbilt's Harlem
railroad, n Mr.. Hubbard was q rail-
way inspector.
.Had@sI accepted the proposition"
tsatd Senator DepeW, II wouldNbe worth
today about $30,000,00O, or my estate
would, for this vast wealth I should
have had no Incentive to healthy work.
7 should have deteriorated and should
probably now be dead and forgotten.
#f# = .
When Beriah Wilkins, who Is now the
proprietor Of the Washington Post, was;
In congress from Ohio he was also pres.
tdent Of a national bank.
He was ordered away by his physi-
! clan for a rest, and went to Village in
Georgia, where he knew nobody and
apparently, cared to. Hessat around
the hotel for two weeks and then he
decided to go back to Washington.
He found he did not have enough
money to pay his hotel bill and railroad
fare. He did not care to lake a check,
50 he walked over to the little bank Q \
the public square and told the aged
banker who he was, saying he desired
to make aHdraft for 5000 on the bank OF
which he was president.
Il don't know you," said the banker,
"but you can make the draft, and II the,
bank honors 1t ] will give you the
money"
" Ican't wait that long" wilkins re-
piled. II want the money now
Identify yourself" said the banker.
Mr.. Wilkins showed the banker his
name as president OF the Ohio bank In
the Bank directory n produced some
letters.
That's all right" said the banker,
but I can't letsyou have the money on
such an Identification"
Wilkins argued. The banker was OBJ
durate. Finally, after half an hours
talk, the banker softened and said:
aL4et me see thet tag on your shirt. If
the initials are right I'll cash the
draft" Wilkins opened his waistcoat.
The letters -. p. B." loomed red and
distinct on the tag.
He a on one Of half a dozen shirts
his shirtmaker had sold him for cost
because the man for whom they were
made didn't take them.
Two OF the sporting men in Washing
ton at the Bennings races were talk
ing about the scheme OF government.
II saw something yesterday 1 didn't
think they had" said one.
What was it?"
The department of common labor
There amt no such thing"
Bet you fifty"
You're on"
They went around to the Willard
building on Fourteenth street. The
man who mad the statement pointed
tirumphantly to the gilt letters above
the main entrance, which read, De-
partnent Of Commerce and Labor"
''There," he said. read that: De-
partment Of Common Labor"
The other chap looked at the sign.
by George!" he exclaimed. That's
q new n on me. I didn't suppose they
had anything to do with common labor
in the government"
He was about to a the bet when he
shouted:
Hold on, here. I win. That amt
the department Of common labor.
You never saw Common spelled with
an r"
A certain Judge, living in the upper
part of New York. while trying acase,
listened with pain and d~ispleasure to
the testimony Of a colored woman who
was describing how she a whipped
one of her offspring. She enlarged on
the narrowing details until the Judge
stopped her.
DO you mean to tell me that you
were cruel enough to punish your son
like that" he demanded.
sob co'se I did. yoh honoh." she re-
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