The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1903-06-06
THE 1NcR1M1NATING ANEcDorE.

OlQ 6rOtner JOneS-dallelu1a
Jones = had been pounding away
at the old pulpit in the First Zion
African Methodist Episcopal Church
for the last fifty years or more, pro-
claiming the Gospel in the old fash
ioned fire and birthstone style. But
old Brother Jones had grown too fee
bic to preach and had retired.
A new pastor had been called to fill
the pulpit. He was a graduate of a
theological seminary up North, and
was new school preacher. The
church was filled the first Sunday
after his arrival, and after the open
ing hymns and prayer everybody
coughed and huttered little and set
tied down for the sermon. The pas
tor proceeded: "My text this mawn-
in will be from the 18th chapter of
First Corinthians" which he had
proceeded to read. Gas we reflect
upon the teachings of Confucius, as
we FOUNDER over the words of So
crates or study the doctrines of Epic
tetis or Marcus Aurelius, what do we
find? If we read the poets or phi1os-
ophers of all ages down to our own
Emerson, what do we find? That
the Golden Rule is not an idle theory,
but practical working principle,
that brings with it its own reward.
Substantial progress in any science is
impossible in the absence of a a prac-
tical working hypothesis.
But habit had proved too much for
his hearers, and the new cushions had
gotten in their fine work-the con-
gregation had fallen asleep. The
new pastor was disgusted. He look
ed them all over scornfully and chang
ed his line of talk.
If I was to stand up here and pro-
claim de wonders of Ham Bone.
Tick, tick, tick you could hear
the eyes popping all over the church.
ssIf-I T WAS ta stand here and shout
Amen !'' came from different rarte
of the room, and every one awoke.
eff should dwell upon the beau-
ties of roast 'possum.
''Hallelujah Amen p was heard
on every side, and some one started
a hymn, while two or three sinners
marched up to the mourners' bench.
eff l should shout the praise of
sweet potatoes swimmin' in 'possum
gravy or proclaim with loud voice
the joys of the juicy watermelon"
Everybody came up to the MOURN
ers' bench and regular old-fashion-
ed revival meeting was in full swing.
The pastor stopped. He stood look
Ing defantly at them until the shout
ing and singing ceased.
eve will omit the sermon this
morning" he said, and in its place
we will have guessing contest, and
guess what is the best thing there is
to eat. Brother Raspberry, being the
oldest member of the church, is en-
titled to the first guess.
There were a few amens, and Broth
er Raspberry arose. With tear stain
ed eyes he said in trembling voice
"I guesses dat roas' 'possum and
ripe watermelon am bout de mos
bes' thing dey am to eat"
An awful silence fell upon that au-
dience. Every one realized the pre-
dicament. The pastor arose and said
After the benediction has been pro-
nounced we will adjourn until next
Sunday morning. Brother Raspber-
ry by his wondahful guess has re-
moved from this yere contest all the
elements of a competition"
Sophistitus Dams, "no good
coon," happened to be present that
morning. 1t was the first time he
had ever attended church in his life
He was much touched and decided he
would like to join the church, so be
sought the pastor in his study thE
next day.
"Passun, he said, "what must J
do fur to join de church ~
"Well, sub, !" replied the preacher
"You must believe de Bible
"What's dat?" asked Sophistitus
"Well, sub, it's the book what tel
all about it."
"What do it say in de book -?
"Well, it say lot of things. 1
tells about a man and his name wa
Jonah he was on ship and the shiI
was in big storm. The people OF
the ship looked around and saw Jonah
and thought he was a hoodoo, and 81
they grabbed him and threw hin
overheard. A big whale came along
and swallowed him whole. In a few
days Mr.. Whale got sick and wen
over to the shore and trowed Jonal
out on de shore, alive and well"
"Whew p said Sophistitus, cha
1 got to believe dat"
"You certainly has, said the par
son. A long pause, and Sophistitu
looked perplexed. Finally he scratch
ed his head and said: II believe it
Tell me another one"
"Well, there was man his nam
was Daniel, and they threw him i
the lions den.'
what, more throwin' in9"
eyes, sub.
"What was dem lions, circus lion
or woods lions ?"
"They were woods lions, and Dar
iel was in there forty days and fort
nights and the lions never touche
him."
"Oh, say hold on, passon, has
! got to believe dat 7"