davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal., 1903-06-20
THE WEEKLY GRIsr.
Jokes and Funny Stories Told on and
Off the Stage


VIII H. Post. stage manager Of the
Columbia Stock company, Washington,
has the merit of frankness in criticism,
even when he is himself concerned.
When cast for Capulet in Romeo and
inlet. he protested. He did not feel
adapted to the role physically or by
temperament. And. contrary to the Gus
tom of actors, was disposed to deny
himself credit that was due him for an
intelligent, if not a brilliant perform
ance When the first night was over
he said to the man who was preparing
reading matter for the programme:
Would you mind saying something
special about my CaDulet2''
Certainly" was the airy response,
'sWe'n say you are the greatest Capulet
the stage has produced"
No was the response, with much
rnodesty. Not that; it is too much. Say
that I am the greatest but one"
Which one2"
ANY one"
The Topeka state journal., 1903-06-20

when the familiar strains of his over
ture struck upon his ear. and with a
snort of disgust. without waiting for
more, he dashed his hat over his ears
and rushed out of the theater.-Detroif
Free Press
The Topeka state journal., 1903-06-20
Nauar Watches His PLAYA

David Belasco never looks at his plav
after the public has pronounced it a
success. He was asked not long ago if
he spent his evenings between the
wings, watching the performance of
THE Darling of the Gods
The Topeka state journal., 1903-06-20

the value and distribution of their tai
ents. then, though they be ever 90
great. they must submit their case to
the care and guidance of a master
hand
The Topeka state journal., 1903-06-20

for the most Of the laughter the play
creates.
Emperor to his admiral after sizing
up the diminutive Fl Fl (NIiss Barry
There isn't much of her.
Fl FIJI can highly recommend what
there is.
The Topeka state journal., 1903-06-20

Mr.. P. to Emperor-Look here, You
don't know me when I'm aroused. You
may play with the British lions tail,
and you can twist it and walk on it, but
d-n me. you can't fry it or pull it out
by the roots.
The Topeka state journal., 1903-06-20

Mrs Brown to Mr.. P-Sammy. its
five past 8. Go to bed
Mr.. p. (Afr. Seabrooke)-Go to bed at
i've past 8? I wouldn't know how
Eight past >. yes. I might meet some
one knew then
The Topeka state journal., 1903-06-20

Emperor to Fl Fi-And what did YOU
say when you heard I was a biIlposter2
Fl FIJI said if he's a billposter III
stick.
The Topeka state journal., 1903-06-20

Mrs. Pineapple to Mr.. P-And when
you suggested a Chinese Honeymoon
determined to bring the bridesmaids
with us to look after you.
Mr.. P.-And made me feel like an ass.
Who ever heard Of happy married
them on their honeymoon? Twos COM
pany, and eight is a board of directors
Mr.. p. to Mrs. Pm leave it TO any
right minded, thinking married man
if you can find a married man with a
right thinking mind III leave it 10 him.
Mr.. p. 10 Mrs. P-So, madam. have
found you out at last. Instead of your
bringing your bridesmaids to look after
me 1 should have brought my best man
and a pew opener to look after you.
The Topeka state journal., 1903-06-20

Cedy,
The Topeka state journal., 1903-06-20

David Warheld declares that he hon
estly believes he was mighty clever
scholar when he was going to school,
though the fact was not generally mem
fiored at the meeting of the superin-
tendents.
I remember an examination" said
he. (which was the hardest thing [ ever
had to get through The teacher, un-
derstand has kept come of my answers
Among the bunch that she sent me re-
Gently was my answer to the query,
What is a synonym It ran:
"A synonym is a word we use in
place of one we don't know how TO
spell
The Topeka state journal., 1903-06-20

Here are some of the lines in "a Chi
nese Honeymoon that are responsible
The Topeka state journal., 1903-06-20

Yen Yen to Mr. P.-Are you not hap
py your highness2
Mr.. PIN the happiest little China
man who ever drank cup of English
breakfast tea.
The Topeka state journal., 1903-06-20

Emperor to Mr.. P.-so your wife is
going away How will you pass the
time during her absence?
Mr. P-Oh I shall hunt a little fish
little and play a little penny ante.
E,mperor-Youll be very lonely, won't
The Topeka state journal., 1903-06-20

Mr. P.-Her absence will kill me, but
what matter if I do die so long as she is
spared to me
The Topeka state journal., 1903-06-20

Wilton Lackaye, who is now in Amel-
ia Binghams company at the Tabor, IS
famous for the aptness and originality
of his conversation. He was touring the
south some seasons ago in the play
with which he tried to follow his Sven
gall success. It was called DIR. Bel
graft" and dealt in a melodramatic
way with the power of hypnotism, but
was not sufficiently potent in this re-
spect to attract very large audiences.
In an Alabama town a climax was
reached when the local manager drop
ped back of the stars dressing room to
tell him that it was the most fashion
able audience he had ever seen in the
theater. The audience, numerically
speaking. was about eight strong, and
Lackaye was heard TO whisper that ne
did not care if they were coal beavers
if the house had onl-1 been filled. How
ever, he would have his joke at any
expense, and during the next scene, in
which Dr. Belgraff is alone in his office,
the veteran Joseph Allen entered and,
reading his Introductory line, looked at
Lackaye and inquired;
Are we alone2"
Lackaye. with one quick glance at
Tho aY,ffro a11dia0cp nodded his head and
The Topeka state journal., 1903-06-20

yes, comparatively alone.
The Indianapolis journal., 1903-11-16
Remodeled Y. NJ. G. A. Building
The Ind polls Association Has Ina ugurated
Ne .Fo nal e N i n e To & hi

entrance from the dressing rooms to the
gymnasium direct
On the second story, aside from the
gymnasium, one wouI9 not recognize the
building of former years. The partitions OF
the several reading rooms have been taken
out and the whole southwest corner opened
into one large assembly room, with a seat
ing capacity of about 500. To the right is
a small Office where the secretary of the
association will be located. To the right of
his Office are those of the assistant secre-
tary and the educational director, Edward
Kepner and Arthur L. Ward, respectively.
The offices are finished In highly polished
wood and tinted in soft colors. In the
northwest corner of the second floor
lunchroom has been constructed, with a
small culinary apartment, where MONDAY
lunches will be served to the members of
the association. Immediately to the right
of the main entrance into the gymnasium
is long room, blue tinted and brilliantly
lighted by electric lights. This is the read
ing room. and though not as large the
former reading room, it will be used
cluslvely for those who wish to read, while
the chess and checker games will be in an
other part of the building.
XXX
The night school of the Y. NJ c. A. is
held on the third floor. The improvements
on this floor have not been so extensive as
below. The walls of the room are newly
tinted and papered and an adequate system
of electric lights has been put in. New
lavatories and cloakrooms have also been
added. The members of the club and espe-
cially the officers, are much pleased with
the improvements They say that the time
had come when they had to be made, as the
association was unable TO accommodate the
number that sought membership. Although
the cost of the improvement has been high,
il is thought the association will have the
debt paid within few years 1t is expected
that the membership this year will number
almost twelve hundred. The junior depart
ment has been growing rapidly lately and
now that adequate arrangements have been
made for the boys, the officers expect the
Increase to be large. Mr.. Howard 4. Robin
son is secretary of the boys department.
Alfred h. Jones is the physical director
this year and will have charge of all the
classes Efforts have been made by the Off
GERS to secure an assistant Mr.. Neighbor
has been in correspondence with several but
does not know which he will secure. The
high school basketball games will not be
played at the Y. NJ. c. A. this year, Mr.
Neighbor said, for the reason that the noisy
crowds that attend the games make il i'm
possible for any other work TO go on in the
building that evening Arrangements will
be made so that every time the two high
school teams come together the game will
be played elsewhere. However, the other
basketball games of the league will be held
as usual in the Y. NJ. G. A. gymnasium
The Indianapolis journal., 1903-11-16

those that relate to their information. The
disposition is influential Hatred or pre1u-
dice are enemies TO fair judgment. How
wonderful IL is that God has made the soul
to balance and harmonize. a bad disposi-
ton is a positive preventive to clear judg-
ments. On the other hand, love and SYM
pathy. with their liability to some error,
are more in harmony with fair judgment
than their opposite.
How little we really know of men and
women. We pass our opinions of them in
haste under hatred, and then wait until
we are made to shed bitter tears over our
mistake. Some things we did not know has
changed our blame of them TO pity, and We
would give all the world If We could recall
the harm we have done.
"One thing we may do until we are GER
tain-be silent. / would lay down the fol-
lowing rules in attempting judgment:
First. be careful to go over the ground with
caution. Learn to do this until IL is a
habit. Second, remember that human life Is
deep. and motives are not in sight. Be
sympathetic. Third, free your mind from
prejudice. If prejudiced, lean far TO the
other side. Fourth, say nothing until sure
and doubly sure. where character is in
volved. In the case of a misunderstand-
ing. meet man frankly. The duty to OBJ
serve these rules is urged for your own
sake.
Behold the judge standeth at the door,"
The refnorse and bitterness that results
from making the discovery that you were
the rnlsled cause of a ruined soul would
lead you to keep a close watch over your
SELF
The Indianapolis journal., 1903-11-16

could not save Certainly and so Paul
affrms, We preach Christ crucified; not
alone Christ, but Christ crucified. the power
of God and the wisdom of God unto sal
vation. Salvation from sin Is not to be
by substitution and historic cross, but
by the law of the cross of which that
the highest exponent.
From this painful, fiery. process of the
putting away of our sin is moral neces-
sity and the Scriptures would not have us
ignore it. but recognize and accept it as
the power and wisdom of God unto sal
vation.' What are the results of sin, as
we know them. physical, mental, moral?
Think of them as you know them, and
answer, are these results to be ended in
a moment or an hour? Nay, verify! The
instantaneousness OF conversion we are
but the purgation and reconstruction of
life is instantaneous or ritualistic affair.
Think for a moment Of the increment of
sinful or questionable habit: person has
been a heavy user of tobacco for twenty
or thirty years; he has never regarded the
habit as at all impure or wrong, but by
the light Of the Divine Spirit he finally
comes under Christian conviction of sin
and will now put away the filthy thing.
Is this putting away of sin to be an easy
instantaneous matter? Is his sin to be
means through faith? From ali we know
of human life we answer, no; though there
may be somewhere an isolated case to the
contrary. The sacrifice. must be 'salted
with fire. and we should know this doc
trne more were we more generally seeking
the full Christian character.
ABOUT A YOUNG WOMAN.
Here is young woman who for ten
years past has drunk the intoxications of
light and questionable literature. Under
the ccnvicting power Of Christ she realizes
her folly and sin and is fully purposed to
put it away. Is there some relgiously,
emotional process by which this can be
easily and Immediately done? Hardly. The
experience of renunciation will be hard and
severe. The sacrifice must be 'salted with
fire. The processes of the purgation of sin
are searching and severe. There are many
who glibly speak or sing of the burning
away of sin as If it were delightful re-
ligious experience. AT camp meeting some
years ago / heard some singing in a glee-
full, If not joyous manner, My all is on
the altar, / am waiting for the fire. waiting,
waiting for the fire. Waiting for the fire;
the fire for what? Fire burns, consumes
the offering; fire Is painful, the process is
searching and severe, but still they sing
on in an ecstacy of religious intoxication.
But, we preach Christ crucified as the
power of Gcd and the wisdom of God unto
salvation To the Greeks'-the cultured,
the self -complacent, the esthetic and NOR
ally self-satisfied and good-'To the Greeks.
foolishness, and to the Jews'-the
ritualistic and pharisaically religious.
TO the Jews a stumbling block;
nevertheless preach Christ crucified',
not merely historic fact, but law of life.
Christ cruciied. the power of God and the
wisdom of God unto salvation, to every
one that believeth.
The Indianapolis journal., 1903-11-16

probation, conflict, race. suffering. exile.
strife, pilgrimage, wilderness. Heaven Is
scene OF promotion, glory, II is the goal,
at Thy right hand. there are pleasures for
evermore Here our happiness Is lncom-
plete. our joys transient, our progress slow,
tread, Iew truths 10 discover, new scenes
10 unfold. an exceeding great and eternal
weight or glory On earth the broken arcs
In heaven the perfect round.
Heaven Is the home where Will gather
the great and choice spirits OF all ages. III
will present different degrees OF glory. and
endless gradation in rank and happiness;
We shall know David, Isaiah, John, Paul
and our own loved ones as such. Indivtdu-
ality and character will be maintained
there The purity Of the place makes II at
tractive 10 us The noblest, purest, best
souls of earth gathered out OF all the
churches and from all ages will find abund-
ant room In the abiding places OF the
FatherS house. Freed from sin, the bodies
OF our humiliation fashioned anew and
made like the body OF His glory there will
De perfect correspondence with environ
ment. Infinite realms OF power and enjoy
ment for mind and heart. All we care TO
know about the location OF heaven is that
1t is where Christ is. The Bible view OF
heaven and its immortal society adds dig
nifty to labor, character, love, friendship and
robs death of Its terror. Death becomes a
messenger to bear US TO where beyond
these voices there is peace For, though
from out the bourne of time and place,
the flood may bear me far. hope TO see
my Pilot face to face. when have crossed
the bar
If 1t were not so / would have told
you Christ does not give us opinion, but
He reports experiences and tells facts.
Danish your doubts about heaven. True we
know only In part, but we know as much as
We need. If too much about heaven were
revealed we should become homesick.
Enough that God is there. 1t is the Father s
house. The elder brother makes ready for
our homecoming. The dwellers there are q
family They have sweet security and
ample provision 1t is the only thing worth
living for. 1t connects us with the past
AS parted friends look at the same star
at the same moment of the night and feel
some union, so the redeemed in heaven, and
we on earth turn our eyes to the same
Christ. and we are not so far apart if
He be the companion of each of us, He
reaches a hand 10 each, and clasping 1t
the parted ones are united Christ came.
and He is coming again to receive His
own, that where He is they may be also. -
The Indianapolis journal., 1903-11-16
MENACE OF DIVORCE.
Rev. Worth NJ. Tippy Discusses This
Interesting Topic.

The Rev. Worth Tippy. pastor Of the
Broadway NJ. Z. Church. spoke last night
on THE Menace Of Divorce" The subject
proved to be interesting one. The Rev.
Mr.. Tippy said at the outset that he would
not speak on the subject from the stand
point of the Scriptures and consequently
would take no text. He considered the
subject from the standpoint of the home
and his discourse was from the point that
the home is the fundamental Institution OF
society. THE union of one man with one
woman for life in the holy state OF matri-
mony is the IDEAL" said the Rev. Mr.
Tippy, "and the central thought is not
happiness. as is so often thought by young
especially the new husband and wife. Sta
tistics show that four times as many di-
vorces occur in childless homes as I'm homes
where there are children. The central
thought then, is rather the child, the good
of the child. the worth OF the child, the
training of the child and the right oppor-
tunities of the child as IL goes out TO make
its way and establish home In the world
Divorce cuts at this fundamental nsti-
tution-the home. Sometimes, IL can be
said. divorce Is not a menace. but a safety
For instance. when a woman discovers that
her husband is a criminal and will produce
children with criminal instincts. surely
then she should be divorced and free"
The Indianapolis journal., 1903-11-16

entrance from the dressing rooms to tn
gymnasium direct.
The Indianapolis journal., 1903-11-16
WANTED TO DIE.
John Peterson Took Dose of Cocaine
with Suicidal Intent.

John Peterson, S31 Singleton street, took
a large dose of cocaine last night with sui
cidal intent, but DR.. Sheek of the City Dis
pensary, was called, and he removed the
man to the City Hospital. where he was
soon brought out of danger. Peterson is
a bridge worker, and has muscles like iron.
When the doctor arrived at his home he
found five men attempting to hold Peterson
down on the floor, where he was writhing
from the effects of the drug he had taken.
After administering an opiate. which quiet
ed the man, the Dispensary doctor removed
him to the hospital in the ambulance He
told DR.. Sheek that he wished to die He
had been drinking heavily and life had no
attractions for him.
The Indianapolis journal., 1903-11-16
BARGE IN DANGER OF FIRE.


One of the barges belonging to the White
river Sand Company caught fire at its
moorings at Ohio street yesterday evening,
and had it not been for the prompt action
OF the fire department the barge and all
the machinery would have sunk in the
river. The blaze was started by boys VINO
were cooking crabs on the deck and forget
to put the fire out when they left for their
homes.
The Indianapolis journal., 1903-11-16
ChaupagQe2

Champagne?
III it's the taste and sparkle you want.
NJ bring you Cooks Imperial.
The daily sentinel., 1903-05-18

Glassford sells window awnings.
Furnished rooms 303 corner of 18th
and Ute.
Our hat stock is complete in every
line. Graham 81 Hards.
wanted-Girl for general house
work. Call at 141 First and Rood.
Lost-Chain and Colorado topaz, in
The seasons best and latest shapes
in hats, both in fur and straw, at
Ackerman'
Furnished Room-For rent. with
bath; nice location. cool and shady ;
apply 55s Pitkin.
Hay for Sale-$S to s. so in stack
q mile west Pear Park. Delivery 81
extra. G. E. Carson, Rural Route
No. /.
Let the boys entertain you next
Monday night at the Methodist church
ON the Cigarette question. Freewill
oueTluR lakeH.
For Sale or Exchange-Choice stock
of merchandise for farm. Give full
particulars in your first letter. Econ
omy, Clyde, Ohio.
The Star laundry is now under new
and thoroughly competent manage
ment. and solicits the patronage of all
local and commercial persons.
Mrs Ed Little has been very seri-
ously ill for the past week. Her
friends will be pleased to learn that
she is somewhat improved today.
If you want a nice fitting. easy, up
to-date suit of summer clothes which
will make YOU feel good and at the
same time look good, visit our store
and examine our stock. Alderman
A company of Denver men under
the direction of ]. B. Glover was in
the valley early in the week for the
purpose of locating land on the winter
range or in other favorable localities.
1t seems that there is a scheme on foot
to drill for artesian water on the Sun
nyside, with the hope of striking suffic-
lent quantities for irrigation purposes.
Plateau Valley Stockman.
The daily sentinel., 1903-05-18
Heron and Cassells is $40.

Heron and Cassells is 349
The Progress is noted for its cakes,
that are just like homemade ones.
When you want a hack in hurry.
telephone Platt e. King. Day or night.
Strawberry Plants 10 cents per hun
dred Grand Valley Floral & Nurs-
cry Co.
Do not think the styles at The La
dies Emporium have been picked
over. There are new hats added to
the stock every day.
Colorado Midland Sunday rates
effective May 10. Glenwood and re-
turn Sunday So 5C. Glenwood and re-
turn every Saturday. limited to Mon
day So. 80.
There are few thing around the
house that give more comfort to its
mistress than firstclass residence tel
ephone. Make up your mind to be-
come "a subscriber to the system in
Grand Junction The rate charges
are small.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-10-22
SHORT CHANGE MAN
HAS A BAD RECORD
Is Said to Have Jumped $4,000 Bail in
Louisville.

Thomas Long, said by the police to
be thief of national reputation, who
is credited with seven aliases, and who
is wanted at Indianapolis and at Louis
vile, is under arrest in st. Paul for
short changing the Stanley Shoe COM
pany, Robert street. Long, who has
travelled under the names of George
Morgan, Thomas Palmer, Thomas Lee,
Thomas Henderson, Thomas Francis
and Charles Philips, Jumped $4,000
bonds in Louisville, and it is likely
that he will be sent to that city when
the local authorities have done with
him.
Long entered the Stanley Shoe COM
pany's store one day last week and by
a clever trick worked a short-change
game, getting away with S.. No re-
port was made to the police, but few
days later Long was seen passing on
the street and one of the clerks follow
ed him and called a policeman, who
placed Long under arrest. Long was
identified yesterday by two salesladies
of L. L. Mays store, where he attempt
ed to work a similar game. His case
will be tried in police court Friday.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-10-22
HINGES ON OWNERSHIP
OF THE BANK STOCK
Receiver Sues to Hold AIIemannia
Stockholders to Liability.

Judge Lewis is engaged in hearing
the motion in the case of w. R. Hunt,
as receiver of the Allemannia bank,
against Jacob Leuthold and M. J.
O'Neill. The action is one brought
The action is one which was brought
by the receiver of the Allemannia
against the defendants to recover on
stockholders liability the sum of $7,916.
O'Neill. one of the defendants, moved
for judgment, and it was upon this mo-
ton that the case was argued.
The plaintiff contends that Leuthold.
in 1892, owned ninety-f shares of
stock in the bank, but that in 1898 he
put 76 16-100 shares of this stock in the
name of John E. Warren, later trans :
ferring it to c. Potter. 1t is farther
charged that Mr.. Leuthold continued
to own the stock after it had been
transferred on the books, and that
after it had been placed In the name
of Potter. Leuthold transferred it to
O'Neill in a business transaction.
O'Neill says he never purchased any
stock from Leuthold, and Leuthold
says he did, and the main issue in the
case is between the two defendants.