River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1903-12-31

AM in danger of becoming the most
hen-pecked man in the community
My near friends realize the danger and
are mystified about it because l never
have been the mildest and meekest of
men.
And the worst of it is that am but
fresh married and the honeymoon is
scarcely over. Nevertheless my bride
rules me with an iron hand and /, who
have Dragged always and ever at the
club over the wine cup that / would be
master In my own house, have not half
the independence or self-respect of the
veriest servant.
And the most rueful thing about 1t all
is that l, myself, T. Arthur Montgom-
cry, brought 1t all upon myself.
In extenuation / will say that | was
very much in love with the girl and she
had trifled with me most seriously. She
knew of my devotion and repaid 1t part
ly by laughing at me and partly by tell
ing me of her admiration for men
cast in the heroic mould-men Of phys
ical powers who could and would do
and dare all for their lady loves Now.
while will not admit that am deficient
in the essential attitudes of herolsm, l
am not very long on physical proves.
How can man who puts his days in at a
hot, stuffy office badgering his head about
rates and discounts and all that sort of
thing and his nights at dinners and
theaters and card games at the club,
be expected to have Sandow develop
ment.
Finally, goaded by her praise of men
she saw or read of who were models of
physical powers and courage, took up
the matter seriously with myself and
finally figured out campaign.
1t was habit of ours to go fire.
cuently to a popular summer garden of
hot summer evening and enjoy the
music while slipping cooling drinks.
One hot afternoon while sitting in my
Office cursing the fate that kept me there
instead of being out in the country, a
picture of this summer garden flashed
before my mental vision.
"By Jove," l thought, 'T will get
Mamie and enjoy the evening there
Then 1 thought ruefully of the tor
lures she had inflicted on me on the
evening previous when l had taken
her for a ride on the avenue and she
had spent the time lauding a common
fellow who had stopped a runaway team
and saved some ladies from possible
harm. So persistent and harassing
had she been that l had lost my temper
and the ride had ended in a quarrel.
Clearly / could not ask her to 60
to the summer garden so soon. She
would laugh at me and use the advant-
age to goad me still further. This
felt would not be able to endure. No,
| must maintain my dignity. Indeed,
must go still further and manage to
shew her that 1 was hero or all would
be lost Despite her cruelty and in
Justice, was desperately in love with
her-and am yet. Such is fate. Clearly
I must do something heroic and that
quite suddenly.
The intensity of my thoughts deep
ened the perspiration on my brow and
involuntarily my thoughts wandered
to the summer garden with it's breezes
and cooling drinks and stirring music.
Then it was that old Beelzebub en-
cred into the game and destroyed me.
l am convinced that it was an inspira-
ton direct from hottest Hades that
sent the next thought through my
mind But / did not think so at the
time. No, indeed, leaped to my feet
in insane joy. l laughed idiotically. 1
danced about my private Office.
hailed the evil thought as an inspira-
ton of genius.
1t was none other than this: 1 would
HE myself to the summer garden and
pick out the huskiest waiter, whom |
would bride to be my accomplice.
Then I would escort my lady love to
the place and the husky waiter would
insult her Then l would rise and
smite him hip and thigh. He would
make pretended resistance of desperate
character, but would refrain from in
Turing me and would finally fall to
the floor vanquished. and I, ruffied but
triumphant and dignifed. would escort
Mamie from the place, duly ensconsed
in her heart and mind as most gal
liant knight.
With fatuous haste and glee l threw
on my hat and soon was speeding to-
ward the summer garden. Alas, there
all went we'll | found a big waiter
who looked like a prize-fghter, and
agreed to pay him literally if ne
would enter the conspiracy. He glad
ly agreed for consideration of $40
down and $25 more after the Job was
done. together with my promise TO see
that he got new place in a down
town restaurant or club if he lost his
position there.
On the following evening the affair
cahe off-that is part of it. l sent
note of invitation to Mamie, which
was accepted. and early in the eve
ming went for her, attired with great
care in rakish sort of outfit much af-
fecled by athletes.
All went well-or, as viewed in the
perspective, i'll. My fellow conspirator
was in readiness and showed US to a
table in quiet corner. Drinks We're
pVdered-light non-intOxicantS, so