Omaha daily bee., 1903-02-22
CONFESSIONS OF A CONSUL
Experiences Of a Man Who Represented the
United States Abroad,
A PICNIC THAT DID NOT PAN OUT
How n Cemetery FILLED with "Yellow
jack victims Enabled Him to
Scare Those sent to Re-
Iieve Him.

Copyright, 1903. by T. c. McClure)
"These are my Confessions OF a Consul, "
said the lately returned statesman as he
reveled In a strictly up-to-date Yankee
chair, land thank your guardian angel for
keeping your patriotism below the point OF
making you yearn to serve your country in
a tropical land.
"I had learned that this consular business
was a perpetual picnic upon which a de-
serving few we're sent TO fatten by a gem
erous government. There was no work and
unlimited pay, an arrangement especially
true, SO l was told, in the case of the con-
sulate that l longed for. The fees also in
volved no labor in their making. Likewise,
there we're no expenses. TIL tondness OF
the natives for American consuls and their
longing to support them gratis was a pc
culiarity OF that part OF the country not
generally appreciated. In fact, there seemed
to be nothing better on earth, all things
considered, than just this consulate.
Goes Into Exile.
when 1 reached my post my predecessor
endeavored to dlsabuse my mind of the In
habitants' Partially for representatives of
the foreign service. That was before l re-
lieved him of his charge and the fees
"'This is not what Ii is cracked up TO
be- he said. There is no money in it. You
will find 1t hard to make a living here at
all. AS for work, you have to be on hand
every hour out Of the twenty-four.'
81 expressed my deep sympathy in what
he had endured. Then he went on with his
disinterested information.
This climate is the worst on earth
All the foreigners get fever. Most Of then
! die of 1t. Those who recover are not wortf
anything. AS for snakes, a man is always
in danger of them. Only yesterday a friend
called my attention to a centipede crawling
up my back. A bite of the animal would
have been fatal. Such encounters are com.
non here
"I complimented him on the courage that
he had shown in staying so long at his post
and congratulated him on being finally re-
lieved from such msrtyrdom. He was 9
good man and deserved better things.
but he was not so skillful in these mat.
tiers as another consul l knew. This on.
cial had managed to hold his place through
FIVE presidential terms, despite the fact tina
in each term his successor was appointed
His mode OF procedure was simple and ef
fective. 1 always admired that man. HI
was a thorough statesman. This is the wa!
he managed things:
Calling a Cemetery to His Aid.
1.-THE new appointee arrives. My frient
greets him effusively. with a sort of I-have
aited-for-you-so-long air. trots hin
around to all the big officials. gives him
fino dinner with much toasting and patriot
ism appropriate to the occasion and con
vinces him OF his undying friendship. Thei
comes the master stroke. He takes his sue
cessor out driving. Just to see the town.
During the drive, quite casually, of course
the bewildered representative Of Uncle San
is rounded up at the cemetery. This GENE
terry is a well-arranged affair. Its occu
pants are all classified. They lie around II
groups of various nationalities and occupa
tions, not promiscuously, as In your ordl
nary, vulgar cemetery. So 1t happens tina
in one particularly gloomy corner there /
a long row Of graves that, by the inscrip
tions on them, belong to Americans.
"'Who are they?' asks the trembling
candidate for consular honors.
These? oh, these are my predecessor
at this place, poor fellows
"'There seems to have been a great man,
Of them. What did they die Off
"'Oh, yellow jack. All foreigners die o
yellow jack down here. 1 an the only con
sui who has ever lived through its Curious
isn't it? Yes, the last man who came dow
to relieve me caught 1t like all the resi-
He was a nice young fellow, too. I don
know why, but I took a great fancy to him
Strange. but you remind me OF him. Re
markable resemblance, now that l look a
you closely. Just the same physique, tn
same brave. frank, u~nsuspecting mannel
Well, 1 paid his way home. but he died be
fore he reached port. Yellow jack, poe
fellow. So young, too-so promising a.
Then there is a stampede for the steam