davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1903-10-01

through Its chairman. w. E. Grimes. re-
ported. recommending the admission of all
the senior masters certified by the different
lodges. and the approval of the returns Of
the lodges for the past six months term.
The report Of the committee was adopted.
Senior Master Clarence Mills Of Capital
Lodge. No. II. was initiated into the mys-
teries Of the Grand Lodge degree.
Grand Architect Franklin read his report,
showing the order In the District to be in
harmonious state and the prospects for
spirited fall recruiting campaign to be ia
vorable. The report was adopted without
reference.
Grand Secretary Bawsel presented an
elaborate statistical report. showing the nu-
merical and financial condition OF the
lodges. and Grand Treasurer Osmond pre-
scented his report. showing the receipts and
disbursements. The reports of the grand
secretary and grand treasurer. having been
referred to a committee consisting OF Past
Grand Architect A. O. Stevens and Past
Masters Isaac Benham and Uriah Heeter.
that committee reported recommending the
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1903-10-01
General and Personal Items Gathered
in the West End.

Major Richard Sylvester, chief of police,
aided by Lieut. John A. Swindells of the
seventh precinct station. is completing the
final arrangements for the establishment Of
the police substation at Tenleytown. Owing
to the fact that the funds for the erection
of the new station have been exhausted,
work on the, structure has not yet been en-
tirely completed. The dormitory, however
is the only unfinished portion of the build
ing. but this is not important enough to
cause any delay in occupying the station,
as this can be completed in quick order. AS
vet no stables have been erected for the
horses to be attached to the new station,
This also is regarded as minor detail Of
the work The furniture for the new sta
ton will be installed in the course OF the
next few days.
The establishment of the substation In
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1903-10-01

Tenleytown will, it is thought, afford the
residents of the northwesterly section of the
District better protection, and at the same
time will allow the mounted policemen to
spend more time with their families, in that
they will not be compelled to journey to the
Georgetown station to do reserve duty. They
will, however, perform reserve duty at the
new station The personnel Of the new SUBJ
station will consist of two sergeants, two
desk Sergeants, twelve privates, two patrol
men and two drivers The patrolmen and
the drivers will have charge Of the patrol
system.
The celebration OF the marriage Of Miss
Caroline L. Bagaley and Mr.. James E. AL
exander. which was performed in Upper
Marlboro. Md, July last by the Rev.
Francis Schwallenbery, was concentrated
yesterday morning at Trinity Church by
nuptial mass. The announcement of the
previous marriage of the couple was great
surprise to their friends.
Requiem mass was celebrated this morn
Ing at o'clock at Trinity Church over the
remains of Miss Catherine Sullivan. whose
death occurred Tuesday at her home 1920
32d street. The deceased was the daughter
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1903-10-01

| ments are received at regular rates. Wanted
| Help and Wanted Situations cost ! cent
l
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1903-10-01

of Mr.. Daniel and Mrs. Mary Sullivan. Be-
side the mother and father, three brothers
and one sister survive her.
Mr.. Robert D. Weaver reported to the
police of the seventh precinct last evening
The loss of pocketbook containing check
for $500 and SIS in money Mr.. Weaver took
a drive out the Rockville road yesterday
afternoon, and he believes that his wallet
dropped from his pocket to the roadway.
The check was not Endorsed.
The work of repaving u street from 2Sth
to 31st street is progressing rapidly. The
old curbing is being torn out and. replaced
with new stone. The work is estimated to
cost $4,000.
The scholastic year of 10000 at the Lin
thicum Institute will be inaugurated next
Monday evening. 1t is expected that the
attendance during the coming year will be
much larger than that OF any previous
school term. AS yet no night school has
been provided for Georgetown by the Dis
trict authorities.
Georgetown Branches Star Office.
The Evening Star has branch Offices at
O'Donnells drug stores, 1900 32d street and
corner SD and o streets. where advertise
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1903-10-01
Reopens for It's Eighth Year.

The Washington College of Law reopened
for its eighth year at the halls on New
York avenue, with "a large gathering of
graduates. students and friends. The prin-
cipal address of the evening was given by
the dean. Mrs. Ellen Spencer Mussey the
only woman dean of a law school in the
country. She spoke ON the Value of Legal
Study" and the best means of pursuing il
referring to the origin of law schools in
medieval times and TO the rapid growth in
the United States of this means of training
men and women for the legal profession
She was of the opinion that while the largo
college offered many advantages to tie
student. the small college was more eff
Client In his individual development The
value OF co-educa ton. she added is thar
the rational association of men and won,e n
together gives each a more correct concep-
ton of the character of the other
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1903-10-01

approval of the reports. and its report and
recommendations were adopted
The Grand Lodge amended it's laws rela-
tive to the election of supreme representa-
tives. to conform to the laws of the Su-
preme Lodge, making the term two years
instead of four.
After the transaction of considerable rou-
tine business the remainder of the session
to II pm. was occupied with a lively dis
cussion relative to the alleged misconcep-
ton of a law requiring prompt returns by
grand lodges to the Supreme Lodge, the
principal participants being Past Supreme
Rulers ]. W. Thompson and L. H. Patter-
son, Past Grand Architects F. VIM. Ernst,
A. G. Stevens. Israel Sommers and r. B.
Wilson, Past Masters E. c. Culver and c.
w. Spates, Grand Secretary Edward Baw-
sci. and Grand Treasurer w. E. Osmond.
The annual session will be held in March
next.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1903-10-01
SEMI-ANNUAL SESSION.
Independent Order Of Mechanics Trans
acts Business Of Interest to Members.

The semi-annual session Of the Grand
Lodge Of the Independent Order of Me
chanics OF the District OF Columbia was
held in I. o. NJ Hall Tuesday evening at
o'clock. with a fair representation from
the different lodges In the District. and the
different offices filled as follows: Henry
Franklin. grand architect: c. w. Spates,
vice grand architect: Edward Bawsel,
grand secretary: w. E. Osmond, grand
treasurer: John w. Thompson. grand chap
lain, pro tenn; J. W. Thomas. grand con-
ductor: e. G. Culver. grand inside sentinel,
e. E. Hoffman. grand outside sentinel
The committee on credentials and returns,
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1903-10-01
A Remnant Day OF Special Importance.

The swft-turning wheels of the early seasons
trade make exceedingly large lists of remnants
and small lots. You know the policy that gov
erns incomplete lines here Prices are clipped i'm
a way that proves sincerity of purpose and
makes Fridays offerings the most important in
the calendar. Tomorrow we present an extraor-
binary lot of remnants at prices certain to crowd
every department from opening until closing time.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1903-10-01

The German Oriental Society says the
concession granted to Americans at Ell Ibra-
him.. amid the ruins of Babylon, as the
Americans assert. is not really in the civ
or Babylon. but at another place of the
same name northeast of Babylon.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1903-10-01
To Cure a Cold in One Day

Take Laxative Bromo Quinine Tablets All drug
gists refund the money II 1t fails to E. W.
Groves signature is On each box. Csc oc1th, tutf
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1903-07-04

have become a driveling idiot? Don't
/ know enough to go out to the gate
and back? In one hour can show you
a hundred trees loaded with May ap-
Piles, but you wouldn't know 'em from
cocoanuts or pumpkins"
The family cat purred and the fam
lily clock licked, and there was an in
terval of suspense. Then Mrs. Bowser
said:
perhaps I am mistaken; SO let us
say no more about it. Did you see
about the oilcloth for the kitchen table
today"
Don't try to oilcloth me-" he sulkily
retorted "You have made certain
statements here. want you to prove
them or apologize. I may be in my
dotage, and perhaps l don't know a
washing machine from a bobtailed dog,
but l am going to have this May apple
question settled before l sleep. Do
they grow on vines or treesT'
What do we care where they grow
They are nothing to u.s."
"They are everything to us, and |
care if you don't. l want an answer to
my question"
Let it go tonight"
Never! l want to know whether l
am the biggest jackass in America or
still have some sense in my head. Is
1t vines or treesP"
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1903-07-04

WOMAN, HAVE T BECOME A DRIvELINa
IDIOT?
found in old pastures or clearings in
the forest The little girl spoken Of
was probably on her knees on the
ground"
'Your recollections don't amount to
putty. Twas gathering May apples
before you were born. They grow on
trees, and you will generally find three
or four trees together. Didn't l fall
out of May apple tire" when l was
twelve years old and break my legw
Mrs. Bowser should have dropped the
subject right there and let Mr.. Bowser
go on hugging his delusion, but she
didn't. She was impolite enough to say:
my dear, you are thinking Of thorn
apples or crab apples or something else.
May apples certainly grow on vines,
something like strawberry vines.
gathered them a hundred times as a
girl"
Thorn apples! Grab apples!' shout
ed Mr.. Bowser as he rose to his feet
with his face growing red. woman,
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1903-07-04
The Lawyer at the Gate.

Up from the land Of the red, white blue
To the gate of heaven a lawyer flew.
Whether awake or in dream I'll not tell,
But truthfully narrate what to him befell.
st. Peter sat in his easy chair
Near to the portal slightly ajar,
And with never a SMILE but sort Of grin,
Said, "You are here and would like to
get in?"
With doH of his beaver and low salaam
Said he, est. Peter, you're right, I am,
And would be pleased, If it suits your
grace,
TIC have seat in this beautiful place."
And the prelate changed to look so
grim
That for moment it withered him.
"a lawyer, take st." he replied,
And ready to take up either side.
But of this take note: 1 swear by my
sword
There IL be no graft on the funds Of the
Lord"
Apostle, soften and listen, pray.
And give heed to what little have to say
I see sitting yonder by the garden wall
A brother lawyer, the good st. Paul"
Such a sorrowful look did the pleader
bestow
That the gate had moved an inch or so.
When suddenly-so my story saith
st. Peter caught Whit Of his breath.
Keep backi" he said, with eyes aglow.
"And away from this place want you to
go.
Not at Cana's great feast was the wine
so tough
AS the fumes I get from this villainous
stuff.
The saints have had trouble with your
kind of people,
AS reports come to me from many a
church steeple.'
And he slammed the gate shut with this
report:
It'll continue your case till the next term
of court"
ANDY Stevenson in Mansfield (O1
News.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1903-07-04
BOWSER GETS MAD
He Tries to Make His Wife Believe That May Apples
Grow or Trees and, as Usual, Is Worsted

Mrs. BOWser had walked into the
but when driven to it she replied that
May apples grew on vines, and she
could prove it.
"Now let me tell you something"
said Mr.. Bowser after long glare al
her. zone Of us doesn't know enough to
pound sand If it turns out to be me
then I'll go to the idiot asylum tomor-
row."
"But where are you going now?' she
asked as he started down the hall.
ITO investigate matters. If it be-
comes necessary I'll go ten miles into
the country and pull UP May apple
tree by the roots and bring it back to
show you"
Mr.. Bowser's family butcher came
from the country and has always con-
tinued in touch with it, and it was like
~ that he knew all about May apples.
When que Toned on the subject in a
careless ay he replied:
MAY apples? Why, my dear man,
every six-year-old child in the country
knows what they are"
How tall are the trees they grow
on?'' cautiously asked M. Bowser
"Row tall are the trees pumpkins
and squashes grow on?" laughed the
butcher. "You are not foolish enough
to think that May apples grow on
trees, hope. You meant vines, didn't
you?"
''No, sir. / meant trees. I know
they grow or trees"
''Then mandrakes and leeks must
grow in your hat. You are on a false
trail and had better give it up. Might
ask the plumber, though. He owns a
farm yet, / believe"
Mr.. Bowser asked the plumber
whether he had any May apple trees on
his farm, and the man Of solder looked
at him in curious way and replied:
mo, not any. If had should pre-
sent them to a museum. When May
apples take to growing on trees l shall
expect to see corn growing on vines.
You'd better go out into the country
for day and look around"
Mr. Bowser was not satisfied. In his
minds eye he could see bushels and
bushels of May apples growing on
dozens and dozens of trees as he walk
ed in the direction of his family drug
store He could almost taste the fruit
as he entered.
"Well, Bowser, what's up?' was the
greeting of the drrUDiSt
Nothing much. Didn't you used to
live on farm?'
81 did, my boy, and 1 wish 1 was
back there"
"You must know what May apples
are?'
''As we'll as know what grass isl
"And what does a May apple tree
look Hke?"
The druggist laughed long, louG
horse laugh and then sobered up and
said:
Better go home and call a doctor,
old man.
"WhyY'
Because you've got 'em, and got 'em
bad You'll be seeing rats before morn
ing"
"Sir, you are a fool and a liarv ex-
claimed Mr.. Bowser as he turned away
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1903-07-04

"Little Tommy Judson is a sharp
kid
whats he done nowY
'He always carries dice in his pocket
SOS to impress the other kids that he's
a real sporting character. Well, he
made the teacher mad the other day,
and she called him behind the screen
and said she'd have to punish him.
She caught him by the collar and shook
him so hard that the dice jumped out
of his pocket. I'll report you,' he yell
ed. What for? she asked. For shak-
ing dice said Tommy. Then she let
him go.'-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1903-07-04
Copyright, 1903, by c. B. Lewis. ]


"~Y George" exclaimed Mr..
~ Bowser as he sat smoking
" and reading one evening in
May, "but when l read such
items as this 1 wonder if the writer is
a fool or a lunatic!'
what is it?' naturally asked Mrs.
Bowser.
why, i saws that q little girl in
Ohio who was gathering May apples
In the woods put her hand on snake
and went into its and died of fright"
"WellW
"Well, in the first place, May apples
do not grow in the woods, and il the
next the snakes of the United States
do not climb trees. If the girl was
after the fruit she was up tree, and
if she had a fit she would have fallen.
It is a wonder that such asinine items
are allowed in print"
did you ever see May apples grow
Ing on trees?" quietly asked Mrs Bow
ser.
"Where else did 1 ever see them
growing? OF course they grow on
trees. Do you imagine they roost on
picket fences?"
"My recollection Of them is that they
grow on vines, and they are generally
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1903-07-04
Cause For JOY.

'My darling, what delights you so?
What is it that fills your eyes with the
glad light of happiness and"-
"Oh, Theobald, just think! Cook is
going to remain with us after all! Mrs.
Goodparty, for whom she was going to
work, dropped dead last night. Oh,
wasn't it just too sweet OF her? And,
you know, / had always fancied she
disliked me!'-Town Topics.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1903-07-04
and started for home, with his ears
POUND?"

and started for home, with his ears
twitching.
He tried to open the front door so
softly that Mrs. Bowser couldn't hear
him, but as he closed it she stood in
the door Of the sitting room and asked
well, dear, did you bring me home
some sand to pound?"
He waved his arms about his head,
but did not answer.
"And have you got 20 start for the
idiot asylum in the morning."
He choked and gasped and gurgled,
but as the words would not come he
lodged into the library and locked the
door. M. QUAD.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1903-07-04
OF One Kind,

"You didn't have any luck?" she said
inquiringly when he returned from his
fishing trip.
"None at ALL" he admitted.
Then she got a Whit of his breath.
"No wonder" she commented. "You
must have taken all the bait your
self."-Chicago Post.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1903-07-04
Discomfort.

knew fellow once that had horse
That trotted at a very merry clip,
But he was very sad at heart because
He had no whip
knew fellow once that found whip
But he was not content with it, of
course,
For after that he wished and wished and
wished
He had horse!
Nov, If the two had met and made g.
swap
Each would have got the thing he so
desired
But neither would have been quite salts
fed
Which makes me tired!
Baltimore News.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1903-07-04
Kent ASundNr.

Tom-Have Maud and Ethel quar-
relied? 1 don't see them together lately.
Dolly-No, they haven't quarreled,
but Maud's new gown is lavender and
EthePs new gown is blue.-Somerville
(MaSs.) Journal
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1903-07-04
Neither.

Sergeant Of Police Ito captain)-This
fellow is charged wild KILN, sor-r.
Captain entering the charge)-Well,
whom did he kill? Man or woman?
Sergeant-Nayther, sor-r. 1t wuz a
faymale impersonator. - New Orleans
Times-Democrat.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1903-07-04
His Finish.

what was that awful shrek l just
heard?" asked the author nervOusly.
THAT" explained the stage manager
as he hurried toward the door, was
the star in the death scene. The audi
ence has got him" New Yorker.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1903-07-04
In COnlpany.

Husband Gin an aside to his wife)-If
you can't think of some more anecdotes
of our childrens smartness let's go
home right away, for they're getting
ready to tell us things about their own.
Baltimore American.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1903-07-04
Married Life.

Lovett-You don't believe in divorce
then?
Hayter-No, sir; I've got too much
sportin' blood.
h Lovett-What has that to do with it.
Hayter-I believe in fight to the fin
ish.-Catholic Standard and Times.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1903-07-04
A Ritter Pill.

Gwendolin-So Ethel is to marry that
young Bob Halstey! Why, he has been
Tilted by half a dozen girls!
Evelyn-Case of being well shaken
before taken, suppose.-Philadelphia
Ledger
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1903-07-04
There Were Others.

He (dejectedly)-Is this final? Is
there no hope for me?
She-Oh, there must be some hope.
There are lots of other girls who are
not SO Observation-Disclosures Press.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1903-07-04
She BeIieVed 1t.

Hobo Charley-Say. loidy, if dat
dawg bites me he dies, see?
LADY, believe you. I don't see now
he could recover from it.-Baltimore
American.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1903-07-04
A Considerable Husband.

EDO you really think / have appen-
dicitiS?" said Mr. MeektOn.
II must confess that / have fears in
that direction"
"Well, there's one comfort anyhow.
1t II be something for my wife to brag
about to the neighbors. "-Wa Washington
Star
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1903-07-04
He Would BE Lucky.

Hi Tragedy-Yes, I'm with Bigstars
company now. l get hundred week.
Lowe Comedy-Say! You'd be in
luck if you only got the difference.
Hi Tragedy-The difference? What
do you mean?
Lowe Comedy-The difference be-
tween what you get and what you say
you Philadelphia Press.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1903-07-04

Bess-Wny did you break off your en-
gagement with Jack?
Nell-I asked him to guess my age,
and he did.-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1903-07-04
Time Limited.

Church-Win horses and wagons be
allowed in the subway?
Gotham-No; not after it's covered
up.-Yonkers Statesman.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1903-07-04
CHAPTER v.

CHAPTER v.
Elsie and Alice lin chorus)-Well,
well; pretty mess we've made Of it.
And all because we couldn't keep our
nasty little mouths shut-Walter Pu-
liter in New York Times.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1903-07-04
CHAPTER II

CHAPTER II.
Little Elsie (at home)-Oh, mamma,
Alice told me this morning that her
mamma said she thought my papa the
incest man she ever met!
Elsie's Mother-!!!!!
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1903-07-04

"Why, children, what in the world
are you perched up on that sharp rail
fence fOr?''
Because we're playin' millionaire,
and Tommie's John Peerpunt Morgan,
and he made all the rest of us get off
the earth. Chicago Tribune.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1903-07-04
a Short Tale In
FsOe Little Chapters
CHAPTER I

CHAPTER I.
Little Elsie-Don't you think nay
papa is very nice man?
Little Alice-Yes; he must be. Mann
ma says she thinks he's the incest man
she ever met.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1903-07-04

ST used to be a great hand for fish
ing when was your age, Bobby"
"Well, / s'pose I'll have to take your
word for it, but you sure have forgot
ten whole lot about fishin' since that
time."-New York American.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1903-07-04
The Reason For 1T.

"Of course the feminine pronOun
should be used in referring to an auto
mobile"
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1903-07-04
PdtO and Mu6O Disease
Obe Yacht Race

NAV he said, "Liptons foolish to try
to win the cup
% Why, paw, what makes you think
so?'' NAV asst him, lookin' up.
Because, you see,'' paw answered,
there amt no British boat
Can er beat Yankee as long as
boards IL float
HE might build forty Shamrocks to
bring across the sea;
The cup would still be ours" paw says to
nav and me-
"My moneys on the Yankee; he'll never
win the prize,
Although he goes on buildin' his Sham"
rocks till he dies
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1903-07-04
An Unaccommodating Person.

Father-This report you have brought
me from school displeases me very
much.
Willie-Yes, sir. l told the teacher it
would, but she's that mean she
wouldn't change it. = Philadelphia
Press.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1903-07-04

II don't see why" nav answered, che
doesn't give it up.
If he's so rich why can't he just go and
buy cup?"
Then paw he looked disguised and give a
heave to port
And wouldn't even answer. Poor nav,
she amt sport.
Chicago Record-Herald.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1903-07-04
CHAPTER III.

Elsie's mother gets a divorced
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1903-07-04

Because it's more whimsical and
uncertain than even hip."-Brooklyn
Eagle
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1903-07-04

CHAPTER w.
Alice's father gets a divorce!