davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times., 1903-11-11
GIol'e Sights.

Every widow exaggerates her money
There are some bluffs you can't afford to call.
You can't see an ideal oftener than once a
week without scratching his veneering-
If you stand around and wait for some ont
tc shake the tree YOU will never I'll your sack.
Ed. Post SAYS that any show that kicks up a
dust on the stage is TOO strenuous 10 suIt him.
An Atchison nan calls at this Office and asks
permission 20 Ale a minority report on Ezra
Kendall-
They tell Of an Atehison man who bought =
500 piano 70 put in a $40 house
when you are cheering for yoar country. AZ
you s1ppose. yOJ are probably cheering foi
some big CRATER.
There are 50 many ways Of becoming un-
popular that it is wonder the average MAJ.
has any friends ar all
young man lately attended party. and
on his re.rrn home complained to his father
that girl sat on his lap.
Don't feel aattered that I laugh at you
jokes" said A1chison man 70 joker. 4
laugh because ! am good-natured.'
Are you still drawing for flush. or have
you filled2 If you play the game Of life sue
ccssiuily you must occasionally have . winning
hand.
Hints &c the boys: If you want TO make
your mothers heart swell with pride, ear youi
cake with a fork when company is present, a.
il YOU were used 10 il.
We have an idea that the way to gossip il,
keaven is for women 10 sigh and express sor-
row for those Who became their husbands sec
0nd wives.
-Atchison Globe
The Washington times., 1903-11-11
The old-Time Country Home.

/ ike lhe old-time country home.
Made out O. logs an boards;
Mud chimneys standin' at the ends,
Clsmberin' vines O. gourds
jest cIimbin' up around the door.
An rose bush. too. near by;
Behind il, on the hill, the trees
Stand cut against the sky.
I like the old-time countr home,
Where cedar trees grow up
An spread their bright green branches,
While busy insects sup
The perfumes o the flower beds,
An birds, an bees. an things
Jest keep the medders trembIin' with
The whirrin' O. their wings.
like the Old-time country home,
The kind I used to know
In the dim. sweet distant yesterday.
The des- old lon~ ago,
New Orleans Times Democrat.
The Washington times., 1903-11-11
The PeQbAe's Forum.



To the Editor Of The Washington TiEssE
Forty-two years ago the right to secession was
declared by eleven Southern States and they
withdrew from the Union. After four years
OF bloody warfare it was decided By abitraTnent
Of The sword that the principle Of secession
was wrong Now, we witness the spectacle OF
the United States recognizing it within ten
days after two of the states Of the Republic OF
Colombia have declared l.. The union OF the
states % Colombia may be upon different
basis from the union OF States, but the
principle Of secession is the same. and our
Republican President recognizes II. II Colombia
were strong and powerful, like Germany, would
he recognize the secession Of Panama? II some
of the states Of the German federation were TO
seeede from the empire. would he within ten
days recognize their Independence and aid them
in maintaining it against the German empirey
But. then, the question Of principle does not en-
ter into consideration when il conflicts with the
policy Of a Republican President
SIsCESSIONIST.
N~aNa Nafsrr-s
The Washington times., 1903-11-11

Two stories of a suicide appear in the
New York papers of recent date. One
says that the young woman came OF
distinguished and wealthy ancestors.
and that her sensitive neart was broken
by the treatment Of she hard. cold world
and the sorrows of having to work for
a living. The other says that she had
shown signs OF an ungovernable temper
and was inclined to be hysterical. 1t
must take some nerve to tell the truth
about Gaze like that
The Washington times., 1903-11-11
Among the Statesmen
Proctor Shot a Coon.


Senator Proctor's friends are having a.
laugh at his expense. and are good
naturedly pOking much fun at the zrava
and digniied solon froEs the Crnsn
Mountain State. II seems that the SEN
atOr early last summer sought diversion
from the cares of business. so. shoulder
ing his gun. he wandered forth into tn,
woods TO hunt. In his younger days the
Senator was somewhat of sportsman
and still enjoys a ramble through ths
fore5t in pursuit Of game. Time was
when the fox which came within range
of Proctor's gun was no longer a slv
fox. but dead fox. His eye is stiII
true. and his aim is better than many
OF the younger bloods. Wei, on this
day the Senator didn't care much what
sort OF game he brought down. he sim
ply wanted the pleasure Of hunting.
After two hours OF more OF fruItIess
tramping. now and then firing at an
imaginary objects or to stir up the game.
the Senator succeeded in freeing a rae
coon. 1t was then good-day to Mr.. Rae
coon The Senator raised his gun to
his shoulder, took aim, and fired.
Down came his prey.
The Washington times., 1903-11-11
The Needful Pump.

To ;he Editor Of The Washington Times:
I think the absence of pumps in the District
should be called 70 the attention Of the Com
Inissioners. Five years ago. If one thirsted on
the street. he could obtain a drink Of water
every three OF four squares; but nov one might
travel half mile before he would find a pump.
Notwithstanding this fact. pumps are still
being destroyed A PEDESTRIAN.
MashinRton Nor o
The Washington times., 1903-11-11
In a Lighter Vein.
Their Last Good-by.

she bade him 60; her eyelicis drooped;
Then, with air defiant. grand.
Turned coldly from him as he stopped
To press his lips upOgi her hand.
She said: Farewell! 'Tis better 50;
] wish YOU future ioy-good-byi'
She proudly stood and saw him go,
Her air was calm, her head was high.
She said FAREWELL and hastily
Pinned blushing roses on her breast
And fiuffed her hair up. so that she.
When he came back. might look her best.
IS. E. Kiser
The Washington times., 1903-11-11
Her Share.

Eyes. indeed. the play is quite Successful.
Ny friend, Miss Paddcn. made considerable
money out Of it. by the way
"Oh, did she write it?''
Gracious no! She's a dTessmaker; she made
all the gowns for the leading lady. .''-Phila-
delphia Press.
The Washington times., 1903-11-11
Fond of His Gum.

John Wesley Gaines OF Tennessee ap-
preached Wachter Of Maryland, who was
seated with his hapds folded compla-
Gently across his stomach and munching
something.
Awful bad habit. Frank" said
Gaines.
What" asked Wachter.
Chewing gum"
A sardonic expression came into the
Marylander's face.
Better than that" he said quietly
Better than what?" queried Gaines.
Chewing the rag"
The Washington times., 1903-11-11

more comfort in places of business
IN short, more civilized conditions
everywhere. Health, beauty and COM
fort certainly should be three objects
of civilization.
The Washington times., 1903-11-11
Never Satisfied.

4 patient in a hospital had TO be fed on
daily diet Of egg and port wine. His physician,
asked how he liked IL.
1T would be all right, Doctor he said. 'it
the egg was new as the port and the port
as old as the egg!''-st. Louis Lumberman.
The Washington times., 1903-11-11
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR.

a woman never knows why she loves man;
he never cares.
Some people are naturally wicked they
don't get any worse even when they go into
politics.
Once there was a who did not be-
lieye every word in her love letters; but she
never got any.
II a man knows how 20 make his garden grow
his wife can believe he knows how TO do rioss
anything.
You can never make a girl who knows how
to make angel cake believe she wouldn't be y
useful wife.
New York Press
The Washington times., 1903-11-11
Not a Close Race.

As the voting for Speaker OF the House
proceeded, Representative Bishop OF
Michigan remarked: 1T looks ike
close race. but I think that Williams
viii Mississippi"
Not" exclaimed Representative
Brownlow of Tennessee, turning upon
Bishop with an unquenchable thirst for
revenge. unless Cannon is taken III
inois."
Unless there is a cessation OF this
broke in Representative Otis OF New
York, 4 shall hurl large and ponder
Gus MISSILE in your direction"
The Washington times., 1903-11-11

a tender-hearted woman in New York
complains that hundreds of birds In the
geological gardens have consumption
and are giving It to the visitors. We
have all noticed great barking and
wheezing around geological gardens. but
which made the trouble
The Washington times., 1903-11-11
''Damnation Tucker

Gen. Sir Charles Tucker. who has been
appointed to the command of the troops
10 Scotland in the place OF Sir Archi-
bald Hunter, transferred to India, is
noted for the picturesqueness of his
language. and is known throughout the
service by the name OF -Damnation"
Tucker in order to distinguish him
from another General Tucker. who. be-
ing more choice in his language and re-
The Washington times., 1903-11-11
,oet's Tribnte % Anqellna.

le Angelina. tell me why
nish'd from a wasp You fly.
hen he around you bowers.
loes but tell, and tells you true,
many pleasing charms in you
s piercing eye discovers
cheeks disclose the peach's bloom,
breath emits its sweet perfume,
u honey's fragrant dew
atter'd On your coral lip.
this he wishes but TO sip,
Id taste a kiss from you.
New Orleans Transformers.
The Washington times., 1903-11-11
LaiIu Calendar of american History
November II.

lSOI-The fourth Presidential election re-
sulting In a tie between Thomas
Jefferson and Aaron Burr. each re-
ceiNlng seventy three electoral
votes, Jenerson was elected by the
.touse OF Representatives
1S57-Williaun Walker nolros hfs tt,5,s
nlbuStering expedition to Mica
ragua from New Orleans
ieci-ShicaGo anarchists. Spies, Fischer
Engel. and Parsons. hanged
oS-Washington acm:tteG into the
mon as a State
The Washington times., 1903-11-11
The Senator Was Proud.

The Senator proudly bore it home or,
70 the lodge, where he was stopping, and
ala not little boasting. so much. In
Iaet' that a game warden learned Of the
killng, and the Senator was brought
INTO court and fined. He had shot the
raeeoon three weeks before the opening
OF the season The shot cost him SIS.
and the only excuse the Senator could.
make was that he didn't know the law.
But said the game warden. you
are enough Of a lawyer. Senator. TO
know that ignorance Of the law is not
SUFFICIENT excuse for breaking the law
That's right. replied the Senator. as.
he handed over three fivers.
So 1t is that the Senator's associates
have the joke on him.
Il suppose" said Senator Proctor the
other day, that I have gained more
notoriety from breaking that law than
have from any ever helped to make
The Washington times., 1903-11-11

Senator Pettus is quoted as authority
for the statement that gravy is the
deadly agency which shortens mems
lives. II all the things which have been
thus denounced were as bad. as they
are said to be, the average man would
never get out OF the cradle
The Washington times., 1903-11-11
The Philosophers of Old.

Nero was discussing the FIRE.
These criticisms don't hang together" he
explained. Half Of them say l played the
violin, and the other half say / played the
fool"n
Feeling vindicated. he went out to see what
insurance he could collect.
The Washington times., 1903-11-11
The Elegant Miss Prim.

Teacher-which is dramatically correct
The wages Of sin are DEATH" or "the wages
Of sin is deathf''
Miss Prim-Don't you think, teacher, that
salary Is a more elegant term ?-Boston Tran
script.
The Washington times., 1903-11-11

We are told in a Panama telegram
that the city is being shelled but is un-
injured. Chickens and Latin-American
republics seem to hatch that way.
The Washington times., 1903-11-11
Correct Understanding.

The count-And has ze young lady sufficient
dot2
Her Father-Say, count, understand it's me
that's got the dough, but I'll do the fair thing
by heT-see e?-Chicago News.
The Washington times., 1903-11-11

The fact that man has bad name
should not necessarily condemn him. He
may be Lat.n-American and born with
half dozen Of them.
The Washington times., 1903-11-11
The Amateur Palmist.

PLEASE read the line" she ssyeetly said;
1T can't do any HARM
lie lost his heart and liberty
When he read that lady's palm.
Brooklyn Eagle.
The Washington times., 1903-11-11

Life is much more peaceful now that
Dowie does not hover around saying
Peace be with thee"
The Washington times., 1903-11-11
speculating in Pews.

Mrs Tickerly-Don't you think we ought TO
buy pew in church this year, dearf
Tickerly-Do you think they'll go up?-Life.
The Washington times., 1903-11-11

Somebody has invented a foolish story
that the President has requested the
Pope TO appoint another American car
dinal Mr.. Roosevelt's strenuous efforts
are not headed that way
The Washington times., 1903-11-11

They are trying TO ENFORCE Sunday blue
laws in Philadelphia. Why not let the
police sleep right through Sunday?
The Washington times., 1903-11-11

It is little too much TO expect us to
believe that Uncle fsam. at his time Of
e. is making op IS one Of the James
hovs
The Washington times., 1903-11-11

Hereafter, when policeman sends in
hurry call on account OF a riot in
New York. the front Office will inquire
Iaconicaly. wedding or footbam?"
The Washington times., 1903-11-11
The Drift of Public Opinion.

Pittsburg Post. Our esteemed contemporary
the Congressional Record, viii again put IN
its appearance. The kind of fiction that the
Record publishes would be more interesting
if properly illustrated.
Boston Herald: BOYS, this is indeed great
surprise, said Uncle Joe Cannon. acknowledge
ing his nomination for the speskership. Which
shows that Uncle Joe's fund Of humoT IS large.
Philadelphia North American: Senator Hanna
threatens to throw The next man who says
Presidential nomination % him from "a sixth
story window" Does the senator purpose re-
naming that far from the ground pernia-
nen-ly2
Detroit News: We are unable to believe that
William Alden smith would sacrifice his con
victions for a place on the Ways and Means
Committee, accept the theory that
he would allow mere convictions to stand be-
tween himself and that coveted honor
Providence Journal: As Colonel CASTOR re-
eeived nearly 1900 plurality in Boston. il IS
natural that he should be suggested as a future
Democratic candidate for mayor in that city.
Philadelphia Press: The Democrats are not
going around the country picking up cart loads
Of Presidential candidates since election. There
were number blown away in the returns
The Washington times., 1903-11-11
The House Lottery.

The biennial lottery game in which the
House of Representatives engages-ths
drawing for seats-was a source of graf
ihcation to some members and OF sore
disappointment to others. By a strange
coincidence, Representative Sherman.
who offered the resolution providing for
the drawing of seats BY lot. was the
first 10 have his number drawn from the
box by the blindfOlded page. When the
name OF Representative Overstreet came
out next, members began TO think that
they were the victims OF a stacked deck.
Representative Keliher. a man whose
seat is contested. was the first 10 draw
on the Democratic side Representative
Loudenslager. whose name came out
early was able 10 get the seat on the
frcnt row. which he has occupied for
FIVE consecutive Congresses. Representa-
tive Robb Of Missouri. whose name was
drawn first two years ago. was almost
the last man to be assigned this year
Representative William Alden Smith OF
Michigan. who had a desirable seat in
the last Congress, failed altogether TO
get one this year when the drawing took
place. and was forced to take vacant
desk on the Democratic side. Half
dozen other Republicans. including Rep
resentatfve Hildebrant, were obliged 70
go to the Cherokee strip" and are sur
rounded by Democrats.
While I am over here" said Mr.
HiIdeorant, the other day. II am going
TO try to do a little missionary work,
and see II I cant convert some Of these
Democratic fellows TO right political
principles
The Washington times., 1903-11-11

"r i"s' know this stuff isn't sterilized," he
I'd.
lent fatal effects justified mis- forebod-
New York sun.
The Washington times., 1903-11-11

I'd Post SAYS that any show that kicks up q
dust on the stage is TOO strenuous 10 suit him.
The Washington times., 1903-11-11
Rural Free Delivery.

Washington. Nov. 10.
The Washington times., 1903-11-11

An Atchison man calls at this Office and asks
permission 20 Ale a minority report on Ezra
Eend9Il
The Washington times., 1903-11-11

If you stand around and wait for some on
tc shake the tree, YOU will never Ill your sack.
Deseret evening news. [volume] (Great Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1867-1920, 1903-12-19

the translation was just as II was en-
craven on the plates"
Here is the testimony also OF David
Whitmer, another OF the three Witness
es. After stating that Joseph put the
seer stone into Il hat, he says: "A
piece Of something resembling phrch-
ment would appear, and on that APP
peared the writing one character AZ
a time would appear. and under II was
the translation In English. Brother Jo-
seph would read off the English 10 "
Cowdery. who was his principal scribe,
and when Il was written down and re-
peated to Brother Joseph to see II 1t
were correct, then 1t would disappear
and another character with the inter-
probation would appear
Nothing is said by these witnesses
about any Trim and Thumnim. That
was evidently an after thought. Moth.
ing is said about any great mental and
spiritual effort on Joseph's part.
Second--The above defense seems 70
me fatal to Elder Roberts position,
because II Joseph Smith turned aside
TO quote from our English Bible, as
Elder Roberts admits that he did. then
what was TO prevent him from putting
into the Book OF Mormon, when 1t
suited him, quotations from other Eng
lish books, from Shakespeare, from
books on geography and history? What
prevented him from putting into the
Book of Mormon the peculiar ana Well
known views OF Sidney Rigdon, with
which the book is saturated2 What
prevented him from putting IN his own
views? Undoubtedly, that Is just what
he did. for the books give abundant
evidence of being modern compila-
ton, and the evidence that II is an
ancient book utterly fails. The state
ment and admission of Elder Roberts
give us all the light We need as TO It's
modern origin and spurious character
Just a few words now as 10 the speed
mems of new truth from the Book of
Mormon. of which Elder Roberts pre-
scented six:
First--"lrools mock. but they shall
mourn" | see nothing new about that
Everybody mourns sooner or later, and
fools with the rest. In Proverbs, XIV,
., we read. Fools make "a mock at
sin"
Second -"Wickedness never was hap
piness' l think the prophet Isaiah ex-
presses this idea far better when he
says In lVil.. 81: There Is no peace,
saith my God, to the wicked"
Third-"The Lord giveth no com
mandments unto the children Of men,
save he shall prepare way for them
that they may accomplish the thing
which he commander" Certainly that
Is not new truth. The very fact that
God gives us commandments, implies
that the way viii be open for us to
keep them Perhaps II was suggested
by Cor, X, 10.
Fourth--'I give unto men weakness
es that they may be humble, and my
grace is sufficient for all men that
humble themselves before me" This
idea seems TO have been appropriated
from III Cor, xii. 3; And he said unto
me. My grace is sufficient for thee; for
Deseret evening news. [volume] (Great Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1867-1920, 1903-12-19

Hill Of Cumorah, N. Y, about 400 A. d.
No one upon this continent ever saw
these plates prepared by Mormon eX-
cept himself and his son, Moroni They
were prepared specially for the people
OF our time, In this country After be-
Ing hidden about l,l0O years Joseph
Smith claims that the angel Moronl
came and disclosed them TO him. And
the wonderful revelation contained In
the plates, about "the restoration TO
the earth OF the everlasting gospel"
Elder Roberts says Joseph Smith trans
lated by means of the inspiration OF
God and the aid OF Trim and Thum-
MINI" And, behold, when we come to
read this wonderful new revelation and
this new everlasting gospel which IT
discloses, we find that II IL simply
Feeble and diluted imitation OF the Bible
revelation and the gospel which had al
ready been in the possession OF the
Christian people of this country for
over 200 years, and in the possession
OF their ancestors for over ! 200 years.
III this duplicate pretended revela-
ton had been brought out among the
Denighted people of China or india or
some other heather country who were
without these Bible teachings, II would
not have been such complete give
away But, with a great flourish Of
trumpets, to give TO the Christian peO-
pie Of this country a weak and poor
copy OF the revelation and the gospel
whose bright and radiant original had
been in their possession for hundreds
of years, seems to ME so absurd, and
so transparent as a deceiving scheme,
do not wonder that the overwhelming
majority OF Intelligent people utterly
reject II. And just because this book,
While so loftily pretending to be new
and divine revelation, reveals absolute
~ nothing which the people did not
have before IN much better form, how
can we avoid concluding that 1t is a
counterfeit book? | will attend present
~ to the specimens Of new truth which
Elder Roberts finds IN It,
2. There are at least 12 persons,
worthy and reliable so far as can dis
cover, who testify that the substance
of this Book of Mormon, with all it's
queer names Of places and persons its
strange history, its battles and slaugh-
tiers, its continual imitation of Bible
phraseology, they had heard read sew
erol years prior to the publication of
this book, from a religious romance.
IL was In this romance that the Me-
phltes and Lamanltes originated, and
also the pretended ancient books of
Nephl Alma MOsiah, Mormon ana the
rest l can find no proof whatever that
the above peoples and books ever exist
ed except In the imagination of the
writer OF the religious romance And
have never been able to see why the
testimony of the above IL witnesses,
who had nothing TO gain by their tes-
timony, should be arbitrarily brushed
aside. and the testimony OF the II in
terested witnesses, who declare that
they saw and "hefted" the plates,
should be gulped down at one swallow.
Even II they did see the plates, that
proves absolutely nothing essential to
the case. They were all ignorant men,
and knew nothing about what was
Deseret evening news. [volume] (Great Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1867-1920, 1903-12-19
~ strength is made perfect in weak.

my strength Is made perfect in weal-
ness" ." weak
tifth-"The Lord doth grant unto all
nations. OF their own nation aHa
tongue, 10 teach his word" do NV.
quote the rest of this verse, for thinS
MS hrst statement is not true. MAJ,
nations are In the darkness OF henthan'
dom ana do not teach the word OF Ca
Sixth-"Adam fell that men might be.
and men are that they might have
JOY. mink both statements in that
sentence are wholly untrue Adam feli
because he dlsobeyed God and becama
a sinner, Two-thirds OF the human
race are In heathenish darkness. srcsrl
ers from cruelty, want, Oppression ana
idolatry and without 10y.
In conclusion am sorry 10 snou
my opponents concluding paragranh
for admit that II is well written. Rnt
II seems TO me illogical, for in eSs
pressing his regret that could nor
have lived In the days of Paul SO thai
those opposed to Paul and the Chris
tians might have awaited themselves y,
my suggestions. he has to class ma
with the anti-Christians, In this he 10
illogical. for | do not belong to thar
class. Suppose that ] should express
regret that he did not live In the elRhs
teenth century, so as to help the inf.
dels Of that day In their contest with
Bishop Butler and the other great
Christian scholars OF that time. NV
superstition would be Illogical, for NV
opponent does not belong to the inadel
class, Now. have tried TO treat nv
opponent and his arguments with fair
ness and In II kindly way. / certainly
have nothing but good viii toward him
and TO all who are sincere in their opin.
Ions. Unless some new phase OF tho
subject should come up see no reason
any further, NJ
Salt Lake City, Dec. 4. 1908.