Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1903-03-28

Great Hand: Mike teaching Pat
9okerl-Well, what how yez got? Pat
-Four trowels and black shamrock!
Puck.
She-Doctor, is SQueedunk a good
place TO so for rheumatism? Doctor
Sure. That's where / got mine.-De-
roit Free Press.
The Doctor-Are you sure you never
buried any one alive? The Under
laker-Well, none of your patients, at
east.-Chicago Daily News.
Frightful: Pat has got an awful
cash in his face" Does it seem to
aurt him much?' mo, He uses it to
Eat with."-New York Sun.
When Mr.. Casey died he left all
ne had to the orphan asylum" In
! Iced! That was nice of him, What
| did he leavef" His twelve children"
Chicago Evening Post.
A Sunny South Item: Where in
thunder are you going with that stove
and all those overcoatsf' II am going
my friend, to spend the winter in
Florida. Atlanta Constitution.
Phrapper after his tenth miss)-Oh,
bang the birds, keeper-Sorry, sir,
but we amt got no string; but if you
| likes TO let me have the gun I'll shoot
EN- for you.-Glasgow Evening Times.
Quickest Way: Mr.. Kidder--People
say that it is impossible to find 4 nee
die in haystack-but they're wrong.
Mrs. Kidder-How would you go about
il? Mr. Kidder-Walk across the stack
in my stocking feet.-Denver Repub-
lican.
Dr. Smarty-Had d very delicate
surgical operation at my place yester-
day. Removed an arm from lady's
waist. DIR. Synnex-If it was your
! arm the operation could not have been
very painful to the lady.-Boston
Transcript.
And now" said the teacher. at the
End of long description of the brain,
where is the seat of memory? Can
any of you tell meT' "Yessum," re-
piled Johnny Brighteyes; lin the lit
lie finger, where you tie string around
il to make you recolect''~Cincinnati
Commercial Tribune.
Restful wlins-Dat new hobo hez
Jess completed his first century" ride
on de trucks in a freight train! Mar
row Gauge Neyins-nid ii please him
much? Restful Rawlns-Not a bit!
He said de dust an jolts reminded him
NV de days when he wuz rich an own
ed an "auto."-Puck.
Shopkeeper whose patience Is com
pletely haustedl-Snippers. call the
porter to kick this fellow out Impor-
tunae Commercial Traveller (undaunt-
cd Now, while we're waiting for the
Porter, I'll show you an entirely new
line-best thing you ever laid eyes on.
Glasgow Evening Times.
Are you sure the course is clear|'
she whispered sliding down to the
arms of her lover. yes" he respond
ed; Il succeeded in boring a hole in
the waterpipe Your father has dis
covered it. and will keep his finger over
the hole until the plumber arrives.
| Gomez Philadelphia Bulletin.
Somewhat Broken: WAS Mrs. Muir
ply pleased when she heard her lus-
bands voice on the phonographT
Very much so" "But the record was
scratched and his speech sounded in
| conc9ently" Yes, she said it sound
ed Just like him talking when he came
home from the club, Chicago News.
The Self ETA cling Act: Myer--In old
en- time it is said that ii was possible
for man to render himself Invisible.
| Gyer-Pshaw! that's not at all remark
able. Men In this country are doing
Il every day. Myer-You don't tell me!
How do they manage it? Gyer~-By
marrying famous womeu.-Cbicago
News.
Mr.. Mulhooly-Phwat fur are yez
maxim such a noise on that piannyf
| Y'r drivin' me distracted wild y'r rack-
ct. an me head achin' loik it wud split
| in two PAGES. Daughter-Them new
neighbors mkt door has been complain
in of my playin' Mr.. Mulhooly Be
CORA. hammer harder.-New York
| Weekly.
| Not SO Bad: Mrs. Henpeck-I read
this morning about man who was
arrested twenty minutes after his we'd
ding and sent to prison for fifteen
years. Isn't that awful? Mr.. Hen
peck-Oh, | don't know. The law
doesn't compel him to take his wife
to prison with him, does it?-Balti-
more World.
The Different Stages: "One smile
makes a Irritation. one Irritation
makes two acquainted. Two acquaint-
ed makes one kiss. One kiss makes
several more. Several kisses make an
nnea cement. One engagement makes
two fools. Two fools make one mar
rage. One marriage makes mother
Iin-law. one mother-in-Iaw makes n
red-hot time"-Ex.
Taken at Her Word: Nov" said
Mrs. Biggleson's cousin at breakfast
on the morning after her arrival,
don't make company Of me. I want
10 be treated just as II I were one Of
the family" "All right replied Mr..