davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1903-09-13

Samuel Johnson the old English writer
sociae with the London wits eighteenth century
opposed puns and say that
who would perpetra;e pm would pick rocket Che
81 his crones who greatly addicted that form q
vii. johnson objections pannng lay
the fact that Re could make = pua
Nan said Doctor johnson g1ozering upon his
panon 4. punish ed for pun shed. should
sooa lack PgEy shed ~ P2znish be.a
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1903-09-13
Ny Aunt.

re is another of Oliver Wendell Holmes humoro
; which will bear reproduction:
Ny aunt. my dear, unmarried aunt,
Long years have DER her flown;
Yet. still she strains the aching clasp
That binds her virgin zone;
! know it hurts her-though she looks
As cheerful as she can;
Her waist is ampler than her life
For life is but span.
Ny aunt! my poor, deluded aunt,
Her hair is almost gray.
Why will she train that winter curl
In such spring like way?
How she lay her glasses down,
And say she reads as well
When through double convex lens
She just makes 10 spell.
Her fatheT-grandpapa forgive
This erring lip its smiles;
Vowed she should make the finest girl
Within a hundred miles
He sent her TO a stylish school.
Twas in her thirteenth June
And with her as the rules required
Two towels and spoon"
They braced my aunt against board
To make her straight and tail:
They laced her Up. they starved her down
To make her light and small;
They pinched her feet they sinZed her hair.
They screwed il Up with pins.
o never mortal suffered more
II panance for her sins.
So when my precious aunt was done,
Ny grandsire brought her back
C8y daylight lest some rabid youth
Might follow on the track.
"Oh. said my graHdsire he shook
some powder in his pan
What could this lovely creature DO
Against desperate mani?
Alas. nor chariot. nor bzroUche
Nor bandit cavalcade,
Tore from the trembling fathers arms,
Ills ali accomplished maid.
For her how happy rad IL been
Ard Heaven had spared
t. see one sad uugsthered rose
On my ancestral tree
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1903-09-13

On August % last, Perry Heath Of Salt Lake, filed
on a piece of government land Three days later the
greatest coal discovery in the west was made on
this tract 1t is valued at $500 000 Of course Heath
is who didn't suspect that coal
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1903-09-13

Dick Croker says it is the fondest wish of his
heart TO see German president of the United States
He wished that about Bryan once, too And il didn't
do BRYAN any good.
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1903-09-13

The latest ukase of fashion in New York is that
a woman to be fashionable must be slender lot
CT fashions ukases are not enforced
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1903-09-13

New York city won't get the national Republican
convention. A national convention couldn't stand
the strain of extra papers coming out every five min
utes with every edition new sensation
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1903-09-13

train going into Chicago last Sunday made
12s miles in 125 minutes II wrecks weren't pIen-
tiful enough at the old conservative speed.
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1903-09-13

DR., Tompkns of Chicago told a crowd of 400
school teachers the other day that grammar was no
longer essential to success And 400 noses went up
simultaneously in sheer
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1903-09-13

Seth Low is to be nominated by the independents
of New York again. And Tammany by giving him
the of his life will demonstrate that it is still
in the land of the living
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1903-09-13

The next congress should start inquiry as to
whether this country is still feeding Aguinaldo
whether he has gone TO work for a living
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1903-09-13

William Waldorf Astor has contributed 500 O00
TO the fund TO be used in finding cure for cancer
When everybody is claiming that the X-rays cure il
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1903-09-13

Crazy Snake, the Creek insurgent viii so to Wash
ington and have interview with Roosevelt and Try
To give the president few views on strenuosity
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1903-09-13

The Chicago candy makers are going on a strike
strong pull together.
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1903-09-13

Here story told - TIE RochesssT Hsrsit n Sseh
TIE DISTINGUISHED Bishop Doans q Albany ard Nark
Twain principals. Bishop Dosns fsne
ne rector q Episcopal church Hartford asf
ser1ioes a. fhs &agk Twzta ~pEi5 occszo-sny
attend T-an san6ay ri1ysd soks to rector
NJ Tpoare hs sid The ed q III s~~Ftcs. = 60
toges yossr rerruon this ~sicors~6 IKE
old friend I zoe k1oz BOOK az serne rsntsin
sux every Yes rof-~ ssz1 u rosns
4 hsr. - TIE hu-sogfst Wei s>rs fhss soox
70 ne Ia IKE to III sesd IL T-zln r~psss6
Ard n the rzornax srssrdwec csrtio-asy
% rsctor.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1903-12-24

Il.health in woman is generally trace
able to disease of the delicate womanly
organism. Many women have been re
stored to happiness by the use of DR..
Pierce's Favorite Prescription. II there
is an invalid woman, suffering from
female weakness prolapsus, or falling of
womb, or from lcucorrhea who has used
DR.. Pierce's Favorite Prescription with
out complete success DR.. Pierce would
like to hear from such person--and 1t
will be to her advantage to write as he
offers, in perfect good faith, a reward Of
$500 for any case of the above maladies
which he cannot cure.
cI feel Il my duty to inform you that had
been a sufferer for many years from nervous
ness with all its symptoms and complications, y
writes Mrs. O, n. Fisher Of 1861 Lexington Ave,
New York, ~ v. 81 was constantly going TO
see a physician. I induced to ask Or.
Pierces advice. then took five bottles of ia.
voritc Prescription l am not now cross aud
irritable, and / have n good color in my face
and one MoHSaHd Of eo1yo,t for am new
woman once more"
The dealer who offers a substitute for
cFavorite Prescription does so to gain
the little more profit paid on the sale of
less meritorious medicines.
DIR. Pierce's Common Sense Medical
Adviser is sent free on receipt of stamps
to pay expense of mailing only. Send al
one-cent stamps for the paper-covered
book. or 81 stamps for the cloth bound.
Address DR.. K. V. Pierce, Buffalo, N. Y.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1903-12-24
THE NEW YORK WORLD.
Thrice A Week Edition Read Wherever
the English Language is Spoken.

The Thrice-a-Week World long
ago established itselfin public favor
and it is now recognized as the
strongest publication of its kind in
the United States. Advertisers
and publishers seeking clubbing
combinations-and they know best
universally testify to this. 1t is
widely circulated in every State
and Territory of the Union, and
eveh in remote South Africa and Oh
the gold fields in the deserts OF
Australia. These are the things
that tell.
Next year we have the Presi-
dental campaign, in which all
Americans are deeply interested.
Already the issues are being dis.
cussed and the two great parties are
preparing for the first moves. You
will not want to miss any details,
and if you subscribe now your
years subscription will cover the
campaign from beginning to end.
The Thrice. a. Week World is
absolutely fair in its political news.
Partisan bias is never allowed tc
affect is news columns, and Demo
crat and Republican alike can OBJ.
tain in its pages truthful accounts
of all the great political contests.
In addition TO all the news, the
Thrice-a-W Week World furnishes the
best serial fiction, elaborate marke,
reports and other features of in,
terest.
The Thrice.a, Week World re
gular subscription price is only
SI.oo per year, and this pays 70,
I56 papers. We offer this un
equalled newspaper and THE Coz
UMBIAN together one year for 81. 90
The regular subscription price O
the two papers is $500. If.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1903-12-24
A Badge for Firemen.

At the last session Of the State
Firemen's association, held at Al
lentown, an official badge to be
worn by the members Of the associ-
alton was adopted. These badges
are now being issued, but so far as
we know none of them have yet
reached Bloomsbury. The badge
is of solid gold about the size of a
quarter of a dollar. Surmourting
the upper rim is a miniature fire
mans hat. On a semi-circle OF
purple enamel is the word mem
Der" while in the center of a white
enamel keystone are the letters IF .
A. S. P.," meaning Firemen's AS
sociation State of Pennsylvania,
the .itle under which the associa-
ton is chartered. Each fireman
in the State who is a member in
good standing of any fire company
in good standing in the State Asso-
citation is entitled to wear one of
these badges.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1903-12-24
The Bad Ones.

An exchange says: In the be-
ginning God created the heavens
and the earth, the editor, then the
advertiser, which was all good.
The next day it showed and He
created the man who does not be-
lieve in advertising and another
who does not take the home paper.
And then the devil got into the
moulding room and created the man
who takes the paper for several
years and fails to pay for it, After
he had completed that sorry job and
having a few Jumps left, he created
the excuse of a man who settles his
subscription by instructing t h c
postmaster to mark his paper re-
fused.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1903-12-24

Rome OF His death, so little impress
sion did it make upon the mind Of
PLATE.
True it is that He healed sick men.
cleansed lepers, raised the dead and
cast out devils. But these were sub
ordinate and incidental only to His
life-work, which was that of proclaim
ing a new gospel-that men should
love one another. He made no parade
of miracle-working. 1t was only when
the suffering were brought into His
presence that He made exercise of His
divine power in healing.
He died the most shameful, disgra -
full death known to His generation.
In his extremity He was deserted even
by His most devoted followers. He
trod the wine-press of agony alone.
Yet this Man of Sorrows has con-
quered the world. Other illustrious
men lived out their little day and all
that remains of them is the memory
of their deeds. They sought to build
up material kingdoms; Christ's realm
is in the hearts of men. His teachings
have survived the overthrow of a
thousand kingdoms of earth. His
words to-day are as potent to sway
men as when they came burning from
His lips. All the higher civilization OF
earth yields Him reverence an6
homage.
Age but serves to strengthen the
might of His power and to confirm the
promise of the prophecy: "At the
name of Jesus every knee shall bow
and every tongue confess"
WILLIAM ROSSER COBBE.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1903-12-24
DUN'S CHEERFUL OUTLOOK.
Trade in Many Lines Has Recently Taken
Turn Tor Better.

II. G.. Dunn & Cos. weekly
review of trade for last week says:
Business is decidedly better than at
any recent d ate, and the i'm
provement is not confined to ac-
tivity in holiday goods, although
the best reports concern those lines.
Buij ding permits issued during the
month of November, exceeded the
same month last year, railway ton
mage is heavy and several manu-
featuring branches are starting idle
machinery.
Confidence is increasing in the
iron and steel industry and the feel
ing is becoming more general that
prices will not be materially lower,
except possibly i'll some departments
that have not yet participated in
the readjustment. 1t is encourag-
ing to find some improvement i'll
demand for pig iron, although no
extensive tonnage is expected 10
he taken until 1904. The steel
markets have been i'll a state of un-
certainty during the past week,
owing to the numerous meetings
in progress for the settlement of
price lists and wage scales. Most
producers insisted that new business
would not be accelerated by further
concessions vet outside mills were
offering better terms, notably
in the case of billets. Structural
material is gradually reviving,
contracts for new bridges and build
ings coming forward, and it is
known that much construction work
is scheduled for early in the spring.
A further advance in tin was secur-
ed by manipulators at London, yet
there is no increase in the legitimate
consumption demand. Other minor
metals rule steady.
At last it is possible to chronicle
substantial advance in quotations
for cotton goods, although the
market is still far below parity
with current prices for the raw
material. Purchases are still re-
stricted to immediate requirements.
Failures this week numbered 500
in the United States against 267
lest year.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1903-12-24
More Suits for Goal Lands.

The bringing of suits against coal
companies to recover lands has
grown to the proportions of craze
says the Hazlaton Sentinel. No
sooner is one case thrown out of
court than another is sprung. The
latest is the case of the heirs of
Valentine Brobst, Sr., against the
l.. V. Coal Co. Suits in Schuylkill,
Luzerne, Lycoming, Carbon Lehigh,
Bucks, Columbia and Dauphin will
be brought against coal companies
involving title to land worth one
hundred millions.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1903-12-24
TIE REASON WHY.

The reason why farm-reared boys
achieve success in all lines of bust
ness and the professions, is not far
to seek. 1t is due primarily to the
habits of industry and thrift and
self-reliance which he acquires in
youth and retains through man
hood. The farm boy learns to get
up early and if there are any one of
those proverbial tat worms around,
this bright bird is apt to catch
them. He has half a days work
done before the citv boy has left his
downy couch. As he rises early so
he retires at a seemly hour healthily
wearied with his work and in condi-
ton to enjoy natures sweet re-
storer, balmy sleep" as only a tired
country boy knows how. He
grows up strong, healthy and ener-
getic, and, best of all, has that best
equipment for worldly success, a
sound mind in sound body.-Es.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1903-12-24
Some Foolish People,

Allow cough 10 run until It gets beyond the
reach OF medicine. They often say, "oh, 1t will
wear away" but In most cases It will wear them
away. Could they be induced to try the success
ful medicine called Kemp's Balsam, which is
sold on positive guarantee to cure, they would
Immediately see the excellent effect after TAX
ing the first dose. Price 2Sc. and soc. Trial
size yrr'ee AT all druggists. l2-l74
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1903-12-24
Those Worrying Piles !--or

application OF DIR. Agnew's Ointment will
give you comfort. Applied every night for
three to six nights and cure is effected in
the most stubborn cases Of Blind, Bleeding,
or Itching Piles. DR.. Agnew's Ointment
cures Eczema and all itching and burning
skin diseases. 1t acts like magic. s. cents.
is Sold by c. A. Klein.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1903-12-24
Never Worry.

about your business-they do their work
whllst you are doing yours. DIR. Agnew's
Liver Pills are system renoyators, blood
purifiers and builders every gland and tissue
in the whole anatomy is benefited and stimu-
lated in the use of them. 40 doses in wal.
10 cents-2o
Sold by G. A. Klein.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1903-12-24

7 he W ma II
who suffers
from ill-liealth
casts a shadow
on her own hap
piness and the
happiness of
others. She
cannot help it.
Those who suf-
fer cannot
smile and sing.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1903-12-24

NASAL CArARRH quickly yields to treat.
ment by Ely's Cream Balm, which is agree
ably aromatic. 1t is received through the
nostrils, cleauses and heals the whole sur.
face over which it diffuses itself A remedy
for Nasal Catarrh which is drying or excit.
ing the diseased membrane should not be
used. Cream Balm is recognized as speci.
hc. Price so cents at druggists or by mail
A cold in the head Immediately disappears
when Cream Balm is used, Ely Brothers, 50
Warren Street, New York.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1903-12-24
Her Heart Like a Polluted

Sprlng.-Mis' James origIeN Peiee
Island Ont, says l was for five years
afflicted with dyspepsia, constipation, heart
disease and nervous prostraton. | cured the
heart trouble with DR.. Agnew's Cure for the
Heart, and the other ailments vanish like
fiist se."-Io
Sold by c. A. Klein.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1903-12-24

WOMEN WHO WEAR WELL.-It is aston.
shng how great change few years Of
married life will make in the appearance and
disposition OF many women. The freshness,
the charm, the brillance vanish like the
bloom from peach which is rudely hand.
led. The malron is only dim shadow.
faint echo Of the charming maiden. There
are two reasons for this change, ignorance
and neglect Few yonng women appreciate
the shock to the system through the change
which comes with marriage. Many neglect
to deal with the unpleasant drains which are
often consequent on marriage and mother
hood, not understanding that this secret
drain is robbing the cheek of its freshness
and the form of its fairness. AS surely as
the general health suffers when there is de.
rangement of the health of the delicate wo-
manly organs, so surely when these organs
are established in health the face and form
a. once witness to the fact in renewed come.
illness. Half a million women aud more
have found health and happiness in the use
of DIR Pierce's Favorite Prescription. 1t
makes weak women strong and sick women
well.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1903-12-24

"Time may be money" says the Mana.
yunk Philosopher, "but it doesn't pay 10
waste dollars worth of time trying to save
a penny"
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1903-12-24

Even the most ardent temperance advocate
can't prevent the money market from getting
tight occasionally.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1903-12-24

Nell" Why did she accept him2 Die
he give good account of himsef?" Belle
The very best. A good bank account"
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1903-12-24
Light And DAEA,

Day and night, sunshine and shadow
are not more different from each other
than hcalthful from a sickly woman;
The healthful woman carries light ana
sunshine with her wherever she goes.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1903-12-24

WANTED-SEVERAL PERSONS OF CHAR
acter and good reputation In each state zone In
this county required TO represent and advertise
old established wealthy BUSINESS house OF sold
financlal standing. Salary 9l.00 weekly with
expenses additional, all payable in cash direct
Enclose selr-addressed envelope Colonial, 1872
Dearborn st. Chicago. ILL., l6t
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1903-12-24
MANAGER WANTED.

TruslWorlhy lady or gentleman to manage
business in this County and adjoining terri.
tory for well and favorably known House of
solid financial standing. $1,000 straight
cash salary and expenses, paid each Monday
by check direct from headquarters EX
pense money advanced position permanent
Address Manager, 6Io Monon Building
Chicgo, Ill. 9-Io ISt
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1903-12-24
FEBRUARY JURYMsM.
Men Who VIII Sill on Cases at the Next Re
gular Ccuh Of Quarter Session.

The two jury commissioners, Shuitz
and Hagcubuch, assisted Ivy Sheriff
I<norr, were busy on Monday, drawing
from the wheel the jurymen for the
February term of court. The list In
mll il ~ follows.
Middlebury register. (Middlebury, Vt.) 1886-1937, 1903-12-11

Read Sheldon's ads.
Pocketboolxs at Sheldon's
Thermometers at SheldOn's.
Rooms to rent, No. 81 Court st. 3Stf
Lamps, l0c to 81, at Sheldon's.
Apollo chocolates at Sheldons.
Extra good l0c candy at Bond Bros.
Dinner SETS $3.50 to $26S5 at Sheldon's.
See and price our perfumes. SHELDoN's.
School supplies at the Register Book Store
Our loo counter is overlooking. SHELDoN's
Fine, tenderest washed figs at Bond Bros.
For sALE-High grade cutters.
4 slap KIRK EAGER.
For SERvICE-A Chester White boar.
GEO. c. SHELDON, Middlebury, Vt.
Holly. Also laurel and holly wreaths.
BOND BROS.
Middlebury register. (Middlebury, Vt.) 1886-1937, 1903-12-11
Christmas Sale of Pianos.

In order to reduce our stock before
January LIST, we have decided to sell
twenty-five new pianos, the regular
price of which is $3.50 for $275 each.
These pianos are new, just in from the
factory; double veneered inside and out,
highly finished in fancy walnut and
fancy mahogany, with stool and scarf,
fully warranted for ten years, and will
be sold on very easy payments. Send
for catalogue, giving full description of
style, finish, etc. This is the chance of
a lifetime to buy a strictly first-class
piano at large reduction, and on easy
terms. Address, MCKANNoN Bros. & Co.
As Church St., Burlington, Vt. Advt.