The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-05-22
HOW TO RUN A HOTEL.
Simeon Ford of New York Gives Ad-
 vice to a Young Friend.

Simeon Ford Of New xork G1Ves Ao-
 vice to a Young Friend.
 New York Hotel Register.
 The business of bookkeeping is looked upon as very fascinating by those who are not engaged in it. Most every guest thinks he could run the hotel better than the proprietor, and in most cases l guess he could. That the profits are fabulous every one knows who does not have to pay the bills. When l walk through the tessellated corridors of my hotel I can see the guests gazing at me wi%l awe, and hear them speaking with bated breath of the vastness or my wealth. This, naturally, makes me feel naughty, and after such an experience 1t is galling to have to go and plead with my horseradish man to extend my note 1 suppose this popular delusion re- garding the profits of our business is but natural. A man of small means comes to the city from his native town. As he timidly approached the counter. gor- geously apparelled Ethiopian dashes up, wrenches his luggage away from him. and proceeds to remove the nap from his Sunday suit with a wisp broom. Right here I want to say that in my opinion the wisp broom, fin the hands of the stealthy, insidous African, will drive away more boarders than anything yet devised. never permit one of my employees to brandlsh one of these engines of de- struction. I would sooner have darkey pull razor on me than wlsp broom. If I must be bled to death l want to have 1t over quickly.
 But to revert to my subject. The timid man stands in front of the clerk, and the clerk affects to be obivious of his presence, and continues to relate a humorous anecdote to the commercial traveller. Finally the timid man plucks up courage to ask the clerk if he can get a room. The clerk, with a look of disdain. spins the register around. pre- jects a pen at the timid man. and the timid man feels that the really proper thing for him to do would be to get off the earth. After the registering is done, the clerk selects a key at random and hurls 1t at the timid man. and the African gentleman drags him away and slams him into the elevator. When he Is in his room the colored gentleman brushes away the last remaining spark of vitality which yet remains in him, and leaves him in a condition of collapse. Now. the tmid man is naturally impressed by all this. and he jumps to the conclusion that if the clerk is such an autocrat the pro- prietor must sit on a throne with a dia- dem on his brow.
 Tt Is a much vexed question whether the hotels of Europe are superior or in- ferior to those of America. believe there are some hotels in this country bet ter than any in Europe. I could mention one. but I hate to talk about myself One reason for this Is that the hotelkeeper in this country is a better grade of man than his European brother-a man who ranks higher in the social and business scale-and he is more honest. If a man Is cheated in an American hotel 1t is an accident. If he is not cheated in a con- tinental hotel 1t is an accident and accidents seldom happen over there. But while it may be a model question as to the relative superiority of the best hotels of America and Europe, I think 1t is universally conceded that there Is noth- ing so poor in all Europe as a poor American hotel Everywhere in Europe you can find cheap. clean. plain hotels, where you can get simple food, we'll cooked and nicely served. Go to a small hotel in Europe and you are given the choice of a few well-cooked dishes. Go to the average small hotel in America and you will have bill of fare more elabo- rate than that of the Waldorf, and yet you are forced to choose between sudden death and lingering starvation. have always thought that if the small hotels would throw out their third-rate chefs and put In good American or coIored women, and give us the choice of few good wholesome dishes, instead of mi- croscepic bits of hIgh-sounding viands, the joys of the tourist would be greatly enhanced, and the horrors of dyspepsia