Spirit of Jefferson. [volume] (Charles Town, Va. [W. Va.]) 1844-1948, 1903-02-10
FNT IRfLY ~
UNSUITABLE
By Eva Williams haloAe
Copyright, 1909. By the
s. S. Mcclure Company


Brother Hawkins was up before JUS
tice Bradbury for assault and battery
Brother Hankins. who had always
considered "going to court'-as the next
step toward trip to the neither re-
gions.
Yet it was perfectly evident from the
proof that Brother Hankins was guilty
of the charge brought against him
that he had assaulted Deacon Eli
Smith. The deacon's manifold and
manifest personal defacements proved
the facts. and the oaths Of various wit
nesses clinched the proof
| Brother Hankins' counsel sought to
establish the plea that there were niti-
| eating circumstances, and Brother
Hankins was allowed to take the stand
in his own behalf. He pulled his fore
| top in the way he had been taught was
the proper thing when he wanted to
''use manners" and said:
~ cho diu III uno pIiScu " see
me heah, jedge, den is to be heah. but
flesh an blood is flesh an blood, an
dey cain STAN no mo- den dey KIM
"But you are minister Of the gospel,
Uncle Hank. and as such don't you
think it is very unbecoming for you to
be getting into common fight?"
ssR,,< lop,,,,o for3 fod.ro III, haob
ain no common fight, an eff airy one OBJ
my members had er been cotch in sech
box an hadn' er fit I'd err thawt he
mOut be a putty coed chuch member,
but he wan no piece OBJ man."
"How is that, Uncle HankY said the
judge. 1T seems very plain case of
assault and battery. and don't see
where the mitigating circumstances
come in
Oats bekase 20 hahn come ac-
quainted wild dem circumstances an
cain jes' zackly segasherfy how mit-
gatin' dey RELY am. jedge. Yo' see,
wuz de paster at Postum Holler. an
dere wan muffin but peace an good
will in my congergashun tell de dea-
cons gun at me to marry. Ny wife, yo'
know. been dead sev'ai mont's."
well. you didn't object to that, did
you?" And the judge gave Uncle Han
kins knowing wink.
"Well sab, | wan jes' zackiy sho'
bout de mattah. ! lowed wuz putty
comf'table wild my daughter Kyarline,
so | said to de breddren eff hits all de
same I'd jes' stay lax wuz. But, no
sab; dey low hit mout mex scanned, an
hit 'u'd be better fur de chu'ch eff I'd
git me pardner FUN among de sis
tiers; dat hit kinder keep de sisters in
stew when de pastors widow man."
TOO many of them with an eye on
him. eh. Uncle Hank?" put in the
judge.
well, dunno bout dat. jedge," said
Uncle Hank modestly, '.but de bred
dren dey put de matter so strong dat
fin'ly concluded dat eff Zion cain pros
per under de preachin' OBJ a widow
man dat widow man could put stop
to dc trouble, an So
$50 you concluded to take wife, did
you?"
well, not jes' zackly dat strong,
jedge. thawt I'd sorter browse erroun'
an see how de Ian lay. an eff my eye
light on de proper pusson an de proper
pusson's eye light on me-
"Why, the matter would be easy
enough. OF course. That's perfectly nat
ural, Uncle Hank The judges court
seemed for the time being to be trans
formed into the court Of Cupid.
''Well, sab, | browse erroun 'mongst
de sisters sev'aI mont's an come to de
conclusion dat Sist' Mercy Fender
grass jes' bout fill de bill. an when l
'scuss de matter wild her she low she
hahn no detection: dat minister's
wife am mos IubIy an a mos holy
CALM. But Sist' Mercy say she hahn
no regler 'bidin' place. bein' lady
what mostly hiahs out. so de weddin'
'u'd halter be kinder privit, douten no
kyards. no poun' cake. no TODD OBJ no
sawt.
"But dat sawtcr didn' suit me. | stole
~
jes' had a feein' dat eff gwine marry
ergin | didn' want no sneakin' off in de
dawk onbeknownst lax. so | tole Sist'
'Mericy dat ez | wuz enterin' de holy
state OBJ mattermony fur de good OBJ de
chu'ch mot meanin no sinnywations
'ginst de LADY, | low de chu'ch ort to
stand de spense. an / 'nounce at my
next ointment dat dere nd be perseed-
ms oh mos onushal intrust at my
daughter KyarIine's de next Tuesday
night an all dem dat wuz wiIlin' to
fetch poun' er so oh welcome needn'
stan back fur no fudder invite.
"Dey cotch on. an ebberwhah went
fur de mex few days yo' could smell de
poun cakes an de towels De deacons
dey all seem mighty pleased an low
hits de bes' ting could er happened to
de chu'ch. meanin' dat wan gwine
stay widow man no longer. An Sist'
'Mericy she wuz jes' ez smilin' ez a
basket OBJ chips. an didn' no mo- dis
trus' 'er den distrus' yo honnah on
de bench | made sho' she wuz straight
goods. all wool an va e an no
spots.
$50 hustle erroun' atch up de
money fur de license. a-fee:.n' mo- set
tleder an mo contenteder den I Is
sence my fus' wife went to glory"
Here Uncle Hank paused. and q
shadow fell athwart his wrinkled face
The Judge suggested:
did the wedding come on on time.
Uncle Hank z.
Uncle Hank wiped bis brow refec
fixelr 4 nd answered after some hpSifa-