Evening journal., 1903-09-28

dreamily.
"Oh, sayl" he retorted. in a natter
of-fact way, III you haven't any more
ambition than to me looking for dead
ones you're not the girl for me-"
Chollie p-to-date-Life is worth
living down in my ONCE now. I've got
one OF those visible typewriters.
Wallie Ketchon-Ahl The kind that
wears those lacy shirt waists?
When the marriage ceremony trans
fers s4,000,000 in government securities
from maids father to her husband,
the expression bonds Of matrimony"
acquires a new and substantial mean
ing.
Mamma-Just look at your clothes!
oh. you careless boy. There's no use
talking to you.
Tommy-Now that's real sensible,
ma. Why didn't you think o. that long
ago?
What makes the baby cry?" we ask
The great composers spouse.
1T yells as If it wished to lift
The roof from of the house."
1T cries" she said. while the child
Walled at it's fancied wrong,
Because its father practices
His latest Cradle Song
The warmers Ranch Indians, of
California, struck the other day be-
cause the whole tribe was not employed
on the irrigation work which was Car
ried on to give employment to a psNt
Of the tribe. The world do move this
is the first time in history that indians
have been dissatisfied because they
were idle.
Higgins-what do you mean by
fighting in the public street?
Higgins. Jr.--Well, Tommy Sproul
said you We're my father
Higgins-Well, and amt I your
father?
Higgins Jr-I suppose so, but fell
Ter don't like to have IL thrown at him
right out afore folks.
First Farmer-Us farmers haint got
chance on earth with them Trusts.
Second Farmer-Why not, Heze-
k.ah ?
First Farmer-Well yer gets yer old
barn insured fer enough to build a new
one. when along comes the other duck
an sells you a lightnin' rod.
The Good Book says Thou shalt
not steal" but il you do steal, grab
enough to command the respect Of the
Judge and jury
The Peddler-"Lady, would you like
to buy any school satchels. states, PEN
ellis, pens. baby caps, baby stockings
The Lady-"Not this morning; we
have no children"
The Peddler-'I beg your pardon,
ma'am but l have also a nice line Of
dog collars. muzzles, chains. whips,
blankets and flea powder"
To destroy the mischievous practice
Of persons who invent false bottle mes
sages. the German Nautical Society at
Kiel suggests that all ships shall carry
special tin cases.
Dusty Rhoades-Willie, when wuz
de last time you had dem whiskers
cut
Weary Willie--De day wuz asleep
in a hay field an a farmer run over
me wild mowin' machine.
/ Among the courses at an official din.
ner at Berlin in honor Of the Kaiscr's
birthday were ribs OF Beef with Vic
toria Sauce" sweets labelled Under
| Venezuelan Palms." and German
Z IIa.n. 4 \ 4 ~
ices called Caracas Bombs"
After distributing his ready money
S40-to the families OF the victims Of
the Paris tube" accident, NJ. La
School, pawned his cross and ring, a
present from Pope Leo XIII, for $50,
and gave away that also.
1t has been estimated by an expert
in the employ of the Government that
agricultural machinery reduces the
number Of men employed TO do a Civ
en- amount to one third. while manu-
featuring machinery reduces the tum-
Der to one-fiftieth.
OF Hitu-Hiduc Noih requiring pre-
cision and excellence there is TO be
found in nearly every machine shop ia
/ Germany a group OF American tools
silent tribute to the remarkable posi-
ten held in the world today by the
American machine tools work.
Many English doctors are now con-
WINGED that the eating or pigs flesh in
different forms is greatly responsible
for the increase of cancer They point
out that It is most common among the
poor whose chief meat is that Of pigs.
while the disease is extremely rare
among the jews.