Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1903-11-13
SAVED By THE BEARS
THEY ROUTED THE REVENUE MEN
WHO WERE HUNTING WHISKY.
Zeb White Tells How the Pesky
Varmints Sampled His MOOnshine
Juice and the Result, and Mrs. Feb
Has a Word to Say About Brains.

wed bin maxim moonShine whis-
BY over in the big ravine fur about
three weeks" said the old pOssum
/ hunter Of Tennessee, when a thumpn
| big bar cum down out of the thicket
one day and acted in n mighty Gurus
way. 1t was in the summer, and he
was sheddin his fur, and,' though l
had my rifle handy, l didn't keer to
shoot him. That bar smelt the whis-
/ by, and he shifted and snuffed and
| seemed to want a taste. / hOllered at
him and driv him off two or three
times, but ne kept comm back. My
ole woman had come over with my
/ supper, and arter watchin the bar fur
awhile she said:
".Zeb, that bar wants a drink Of
con juice suah's yo'r bon, and I'm fur
givin it to him.
Il laughed at the idea, but as he
continued to hang around the place
| the old woman poured about pint Of
the stuff into Il pan and set it on q
stone 80 rods away. She had skassly
turned her back befo' the bar was
lappin 1t up, and he smacked his lips
over it Jest like a man. In a leetle
while he walked off, and later on we
heard SIGH n row down around the
bend that We crept down to see what
1t was. 1t was our bar and his mate.
That pint of whisky had made our
bar feel mighty jolly, and he was in
! sistin that the other bar dance around
and roll over with him. One was drunk
and jolly and the other sober and mad,
and the way they carried on was as
good as a circus. Next day both bars
showed up fur whisky and went off as
jolly as you please, and half an hour
later l walked right up to them as
they slept and snored. I wasn't fur
givin away any mo- Ticker, but the
ole woman thinks it over and says:
"'Zeb, the fur Of them bars won't be
with shucks fur three months, but
what's the matter with shettin the
varmints up in our outdoor cellar fur
the rest Of the summer? I reckon we
kin manage to feed 'em, and each hide
will fetch SIS as soon as the fur Is
prime
II decided that 1t was a good idea,
and we put out hull quart Of whisky
fur 'em. but fur some reason they had
left the nayburhood. The old woman
reckoned they'd got ashamed of them
selves and gone off to avoid temp
tashun, and kinder figgered that they
was off spreadin the news and invitin
other bars to come along and sheer
good thing. We'd about given up
seein 'em ag'in when they showed up
/ was all alone at the still that day,
but lad ropes at hand to tie 'em up in
case our plan worked, and l poured
two full quarts Of whisky into the pan
and set 1t out in the old place. Them
bars had bin roamin around and keep
In sober fur SO long that they was
dyin fur a spree. and they Tapped up
every drop Of that Ticker and licked
their chops fur mo-. They didn't git
jolly, as l looked fur. On the contrary,
they snarled and growled and wanted
to pick a fuss with each other. Mebbe
bar is like a man about drinkin.
Let him git too much, and he's ugly
instead Of jolly. l waited awhile and
then follered 'em, hopin to find 'em
asleep. and that's how I cum to see .
sight to make my ha'r stand up.
Down around the bend In the "a
vine was a grassy spot, and what I
saw was them bars rollin four men
over the ground. 1t wasn't a mint
befo' l knowed who them men was.
They was revenoo fellers who he'd got
news Of my still and was sneakin up
the ravine to ketch me red handed.
The bars had met 'em and pitched
right in. l reckon the fellers was too
surprised to fire shot. though all had
pistols. and the way them bars did
slam 'em around was q caution. Two
Of the fellers broke away as soon as I
got thar, but the other two was so bad
ly clawed that arter the bars left 'em
they could skassly crawl, and I'm suah
they laid out in the woods all night. I
was much obleeged to the varmints. as
20 may reckon. as they he'd saved me
from a surprise, and in my gratitood
said to the ole woman:
81 amt gwine to play no tricks on
varmint what has saved me from
ruin, and l shan't try to captur' 'em.
Deed. but I'll furnish 'em with free
con juice and let 'em hev q good
time
''They was back next day fur their
drink. and. rememberin how a quart
had made 'em ugly drunk, l only sot
out pint. They Tapped 1t up and
looked fur mo-, and when no mo- was
fo'thcOmin they gin US surprise party.
Thar was TO- men Of us at the still
that day. and arter growlin around fur
awhile them bars cum chargin down
upon US. We had to scatter mighty
sudden. and they kept us away fur an
hour. Thar was NO whisky to be got
at, and they tore down our shanty,
clawed our blankets into strips and
went on gr0wlin ut each other. We
didn't see 'em ag'in fur q month.
Then one day as was carryin a keg
OF the stun on my shoulder along q
mountain path run full tilt into the
two Of 'em. l knowed 'em in q mint.
and jest counted ON hevin a fuss with
'em. 1t was no use tryin to git away.
and put down the keg and stood back
to gin 'em n chance at 1t. But they
didn't take 1t. They walked up and
shifted about, and as soon as they rec
Ognized the smell they sorter shook
their heads and walked Off and gin me
q clear road. AS l f1ggered It, them
bars had tried whisky and found that
1t brung nuthin but headaches and
fghtin and hard knocks. They'd Jest
made up their minds that 1t was bad
stuff and bed gone back on 1t, and that
keg was no temptashun. Yes, sub, they
walked of and let me pass on. and |
never shall hear the last of 1t from the
ole woman. l never hev taken a min
or con juice since then that she wasn't
ready to speak out:
Thar yO' go ag'in, Zeb White!
Law me, but If yo' only he'd the brains
Of a bar, what a happy woman I'd
bev" NJ Or,n
Green River Hot Springs.