Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1903-08-20
Bowser'S May Apples.

by george exclaimed MI. DOW
ser as he sat reading and smoking the
other evening, "but when read such
items as this I wonder if the writer is
fool or lunatic.
"What is it?" naturally asked Mrs.
Bowser.
"Wby. it says that little girl in
Ohio who was gathering May apples
in the woods put her hand on snake
and went into fits and died of fright.
"Well?"
"Well, in the first place May ap-
pies do not grow in the woods, and in
the next the snakes Of the United
States do not climb trees If the girl
was after the fruit she was up tree,
and if she had fit she would have
fallen. 1t is wonder that such ash
nine items are allowed in print
did you ever see May apples grow
ing on trces?" quietly asked Mrs Bow
ser.
Where else did I ever see them
growing? Of course they grow on
trees. Do you imagine they roost on
picket fences?'
my recollection of them is that
they grow on vines and they are gen
orally found in old pastures or clear
ings in the forest. The little girl
spoken Of was probably on her knees
on the ground" "
your recollect;ons don't amount to
putty. I was gathering May apples
before you were born. They grow on
trees and you will generally find three
or four trees together. Didn't I fall
ont of May apple tree when | was
twelve years old and break my leg?
Mrs. Bowser should have dropped
the subject right there and let Mr..
Bowser 60 on hugging his delusion,
but she didn't. She was impolite
enough to say:
my dear, You are thinking Of thorn
apples or crab apples or something
else. May apples certainly grow on
vines something like strawberry vines.
I gathered them hundred times as
girl.
Thorn apples Crab apples !"
shouted Mr.. Bowser as he rose to his
feet with his face growing red. "Wom-
an, have I become a dwelling idiot?
Don't I know enough to go out to the
gate and back? In one hour ! can
show you hundred trees loaded with
May apples, but you wouldn't know
EN- from coooanuts or pumpkins"
The family cat purred and the fam
lily clock ticked and there was an iu-
terval of suspense. Then Mrs. Bow
ser said
"Perbaps 7 am mistaken. so let us
say no more about it. Did you see
about the oilcloth for the kitchen Ia
BILE today?"
Don't try to oilcloth me, he suIk-
iIv retorted. "You have made cer-
tain statements here. I want you to
prove them or apologize. I may be
in my dotage, and perhaps I don't
know washing machine from bob
tailed dog, but I am going to have
this May apple question settled before
I sleep. Do they grow on vines or
trees"
"What do we care where they grow
They are nothing to US.
They are everything to US, and I
care if you don't. l want an answer
to my question.
LET it go tonight.
Never. I want to know whether
I am the biggest jacksss in America
or still have some sense in my head.
Is it vines or trees"
Mrs. Bowser had walked into the
trap and must take the consequence,
but when driven to it she replied that
May apples grew on vines and she
could prove it.
"Now let me tell you something"
sid Mr.. Bowser, after long glare at
her. Zone of US don't know enough
to pound sand. fit turns out to be
me, then I'll go to the idiot asylum
tomorrow.
"But where are you going now"
size asked as he started down the hall.