The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1903-03-14
THEATRICAL FUNNY STUFF.
Some Stories and Few Jokes That
Are Going tie Rounds.

Chauncey Olcott IS still telling 1.-The
best story he ever heard. This week
Mr.. Olcott's yarn relates to an old
friend of his, who was a generous bar
tender in his young manhood, but who
afterward got into politics and was
elected a justice of the peace.
One of the first cases was that of a
Mary Mulcahey, who was charged with
drunkenness. CHANGING down at her
from the bench, the new justice inquir-
ed, with assumed dignity:
Wen. what are you here for?'f
please, yer honor" said Mary, the
copper pulled me, sayin' as how [ was
drunk. An, yer honor. I don't drink,
don't drink"
''All right" said the justice. uncon-
sciously dropping into his old habits.
All right, Mary; have a cigar
Digby Bell was reviving memories of
his starring tour in Jupiter for the
benefit of some of the people in the
Mr. PicSwick" company recently. 1t
seems that Mr.. Bells manager at the
time had an irritating way of forget
ting to pay salaries when business was
bad. There was q, German in the COM
pany playing character part, and one
night he refused point blank to go on
unless his money was forthcoming.
The manager handed him a game Of
talk and persuaded him to make up
and go on. after Waving given his
solemn WOF0 lnaI IIe Salary WOuIQ De
paid Immediately after the perform
ance. When the show was over the
German waited patiently in his dress
ing room for some time, and the man
ager, not showing up he sent for him.
The impFesario arrived at length and
informed his comedian that owing to
the fact that his box office had been
attached it would be utterly impossible
for him to comply with his request.
The German was furious and turned
hanaafh his Finally in
voice of thunder, ne exclaimed:
IF you don't pay me my salary
now, on the spot, 1 refuse to wash up
and go home"
Talking of stars makes one think of
the story about Nat Goodwin and his
wife, Maxine Elliot.
It has been going the rounds, and you
may possibly know it, but If you don't
it's worth knowing.
The couple had been having a some
what heated discussion as to the real
authorship of Shakespeare plays.
Mrs. Nat, getting somewhat weary Of
Mats views, SnappiShly remarked:
well. when I get to heaven III ask
Shakespeare, and then III know!
But suppose he isn't there!" sug-
gested Nat.
wife sweetly responded.
Then you'll KNOW
/ Weber and Fields have the burlesque
1.-THE Big Little Princess" The new
sxit has somewhat more clever lines
than burles9ues at that same house for
some time. Among the best OF these
are the following:
Fay Templeton-Here's a good book.
Richard Carvel," written by Winston
| Churchill.
Willie Colller-Was it written by
Winston Churchill? I thought it was
rotten by John Drew.
Lew Fields-My father? oh; I'm only
related to him by marriage.
Willie Collier-Didn't the doctor tell
you not to sleep on a full stomach?
Pete Dailey-Well, can sleep on my
pete Dailey-who's your favorite
Fay TempIeton-Dickens; don't you
think he's the best?
Willie-Naw; Arnold & Co. have got
him skinned to death
Fay Templeton-An good Camembert
cheese smells like this.
Lew Fields-Well, I'd hate to associ-
ate with one that had gone wrong,
then.