Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1903-02-18
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Where there's will, there's a way
for lawyers to break it.-Boston Trans
cript.
IT'S better to have loved and re.
ceived alimony than never to have
loved at all.-Life.
inexpensive flight: 81 think l shall
go to Europe" How can you afford
to so to Europe?" 81 can't, but can
afford to think. brooklyn Life.
Mr. Newlywed-Your salads amt
like my mother used to make. Mrs.
Newlywed-Well. your salary amt like
my father used to make.-Judge.
Alice-What makes you think he has
been in love before? Edith-,rhe pro-
posal he made to me was entirely ex-
emporaneous.-Phil Ledger.
A cool reception: Ibid you notice?
l have new electric fan in my Office"
"Oh. yes; l got wind of 1t the minute
opened the or."-Philadelphia Even
ing Bulletin.
THAT mob scene was handled with
splendid effect" said the critic. ooh.
yes" replied the manager: you see.
we hire the Villains creditors to 60 on
in that scene"-Ex.
That's good counsel the new
preacher gave u.s." said the deacon.
Which Is" Love yer neighbor while
he sleeps, but watch him while he
wakes. Atlanta Constitution.
II had good job on hand last
Nigh said the first burglar. but
was slipped by an open-faced watch"
Get out" Fact; 1t was bulldog in
the yard. "-Phladelphia Record.
Editor-You haven't mentioned the
backgrounds name in this wedding
story Of yours. Reporter-Oh! yes.
have. I've got him down "among
those present. Chicago American.
Mrs. Bloggs-wot's candles gone up
for, Mr.. Binns? Mr.. Binns-The war.
Mrs. Bloggs. Mrs. Bloggs-Oh!
didn't know them poor soldiers had
to fight by Observation-Disclosures.
A building proposition: Cholly-Why
SO quiet, Miss Grace? Grace (lightly)
oh, was building castles in the air.
Cholly-What did you use for corner
stone? Grace-A solitaire.-Town Top
les.
Gayman-So you don't believe me.
Ell? l suppose you believe that men
are deceiyers ever" Mrs. Gayman-
Not at all. Sometimes they only think
they are dangerous. = Philadelphia
Press.
Spoiled his boast: Stout gent-Well,
sir. I'm n selfmade man. 1 began life
as barefooted boy. Thin gent-Well,
as far MS can make out. wasn't
born with shoes on, either.-AIoon-
shine.
Hopeful Hawkins-De Teddy mex
door giveme some angel cake. Couldn't
you help me n little? Mrs. Stoneheart
Sure. The doctor lives at the second
door, three blocks down. Chicago
Daily News.
my wife was nearly scared to death
last night" said links. Just before
going to bed we discovered fire in the
house." Lucky manv exclaimed
jerks. "In the cook stove or the heat
ct. '-lHQlanlpOllS Sun.
He-You women are forever discuss :
ing the bad points Of your neighbors.
If you We're to gossip about their good
points it would be more edifying. She
Perhaps so, but who would listen to
us?-Philadelphia Press.
THAT was stirring, moving drama
at the tiieater last night. -..f,ef lot eex1-
ceptionally strong presumed" II
didn't say e--.ti,ing about the plot.
was referring to the activity of the
audience between acts."-Baltimore
News
"They had n hard time killing that
bad elephant in New York, didn't
they? Hung. poisoned and finally cleo
trocuted her." What n waste of time
and materials! Why didn't they put
her in front of racing automobile?"
Cincinnati Tribune.
Those professors: First College Pro.
fessor-What are you going to do next
to get your name in the papers? Sec
ond College Professor-I was thinking
Of declaring that the dictionary is too
wordy to be considered good litera-
ture.-Baltimore American.
IF stand on my head, the blood
all rushes to my head, doesn't it?" No
one ventured to contradict him. Now"
lie continued, triumphantly, when I
stand on my feet, why doesn't the
blood all rush to my feet?" Because"
replied Hostetter McGinpis, your feet
400 NOT B-1;I-p;fo
Tile Literary Editor-That fellow
Scribbler sent in n poem this morning
entitled "Why Do Live?" The Edl-
tor-What did you do with it? The
Literary Editor-Returned it with an
inclosed slip. saying: Because you
mailed this instead of bringing it pey-
sonally."-Indianapo News.
A hopeless reformer: ut is sad to
see this merccnary spirit SO fagrant-
ly manifested in politics." said the
earnest citizen. YES" answered
Senator Sorghum; II have fought
against it all could, but it's no use.
/ can't get people to vote my way
without payin' 'em." = Washington
Star.
Now, Sammy" began the teacher, ~
want you to tell me in which battle
Lord Nelson was killed" Sammy was
in despair, but he must prove himself
equal to the emergency. did you say
Lord Nelson?' he asked. cautiously.
Yes" (Which battles" Yes; In
which battle was lie killed?" "Wal"
said Sammy. with apparent surprise
at such an easy question, 81 specs it
must err been his last."-I.ondon Spare
Moments.