davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1903-08-07

In Tennessee the other day step
father had his skull cleft by his 13-year-
old stepdaughter for chastising her
brother. What is the moral-dont
have stepchildren. don't chastise them,
or don't live in Tennessee?
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1903-08-07

It has been discovered in Boston
that mosquitoes will fee from music.
Why not get piano for the hired girl!
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1903-08-07
A HUMORIsT's CHURCH.

"Bob" Burdette Enters a New Field
i'm California.
Robert J. Burdette, the wellknown
humorist, who has started new
church in Los Angeles, is one of the
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1903-08-07
TO CORRESPONDENTS.

All communications for this paper shouEd be acoen
panied by the name Of tho author; not necessarily f
publication, but evidence of good faith the pan
Of the writer. Write only side of the paper De
particularly careful in giving and dates to have
the letters and figures plain and distinct
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1903-08-07

Conscience is something that trou-
bles a guilty man almost every time it
thunders.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1903-08-07

Work may have slain it's thousands,
but the struggle to avoid work num-
bers it's victims by the tens of thou
sands.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1903-08-07

The man who holds the ladder at the
bottom Is often of more benefit to the
world than the one who climbs to the
top.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1903-08-07

1t was a long stride in civilization
that made the creased pig race fit
ting symbol of our love Of country.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1903-08-07

my Old Kentucky Home in Breath
lit were better a blockhouse Of the
time of Daniel Boone
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1903-08-07
One or Them in Hard Luck.

Jones-This talk about Friday being
unlucky Is all nonsense. My wife ac-
cepted me on a Friday.
Smith-But how about your wife?-
Judge
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1903-08-07

The fact that a knowledge of cur
rent affairs is not always compatible
with real education was demonstrated
in one of the uptown public schools
the other day, when one of the boys
who was not exempt from examina-
lions had the question put to him:
what are The principal commodities
of the State of DelawareW The
youngster, who reads the newspapers
assiduously, promptly wrote in reply:
peaches and lynchings."
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1903-08-07

A patriot loves his country for what
there is in it; politician for what he
can get out of it.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1903-08-07

Captains of Industry hardly meets
the requirements of the case, in refer
ence to enterprises like the United
States Steel Corporation. That huge
company has an annual income and
expenditure exceeding that of either
the United States or Germany, and
nearly as large as that Of France or
Great Britain Field Marshals Of In
dustry" is more adequate title for
those who lead the steel corporations
army Of nearly one hundred and sew
enty thousand employees.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1903-08-07

Tell it not to Roosevelt: A woman
of Michigan who is authority on child
study is opposed to large families be-
cause OF the dagger Of degeneracy to
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1903-08-07

Be cheerful in your Affections, and
all the credit you get is that you are
TOO stony-hearted to care. u
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1903-08-07

There is said to be very little serf
bathing In Russia.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1903-08-07
Taught by Experience.

Teacher@What is velocity, Johnny
Jonny--Velocity is what chap let's
go of a wasp with.-Cincinnati En-
quirer.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1903-08-07

Take few swimming lessons be-
fore burning your bridges behind you.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1903-08-07

In the court Of love the strenuous
prosecutor wins his case.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1903-08-07

The selling out Of Joseph by his
brethren is the first political deal on
record.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1903-08-07

Some women will wear openwork;
some women won't; and some women
can't
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1903-08-07
The After Cost of War.

glance at the summary of report
recently issued by Pension Commits
sioner Ware will at once dismiss the
at least in SO far as this government is
concerned This summary shows the
following aggregates of money dis
bursed as pensions to men who have
served in the American army and
navy:
Revolutionary war (estimated).$ 10000 900
War Of 1912 Observation-Disclosures. 5000. 900
Indian wars, 1932-1S42 ..... $500 900
War with Mexico ............. 1880, 900
War Of the rebellion .......... 2, IA, 100000
War with Spain ............ 3,275,0o
Knoxville, Tenn, Sentinel.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1903-08-07

It's a cold day for the candidate
when he gets showed under.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1903-08-07

No man is wise who is unable to re-
Rlize the uncertainty Of sure thing.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1903-08-07
AMERICAN BELLE WEBS A JAP.

Relative of the Mikado.
Another international marital union
which occasioned good deal Of in
terest in the South was effected re-
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1903-04-23
EMBASSY AND LEGATION.

EDITOR NATIONAL TRIBUNE: On the
9TH page of the last issue of The National
Tribune is the following:
1T is not at all probable that Germany
is going to reduce her Embassy here to
a Legation"
What is the difference between an en-
bassy and a legation?-J. ]. EARL, Co. %.
5Oth ILL.,, Camp Point, Ill.
The difference is wholly of style, and is
part of the many humbugs of diplomacy.
In the old days, when kings were absolute
monarchs, they sent out ambassadors.
who were supposed 10 be their other
selves and who talked face to face with
the King to whom they were sent The
Minister was merely the agent of the
King, and talked with the other Kings
agents, while the ambassador went directly
to the King himself. An ambassador thus
outranks a Minister, and on all occasions
takes precedence of him. or course. in
these days of telegrapbs and constitutional
Governments, ambassadors and Ministers
are both merely clerks of the State De-
partment, and sometimes not much above
ordinary letter-carriers, since their func
ton is to present communications which
have been previously prepared by the
State Department. The time is far gone
when the ambassador could go directly to
the Kings chamber and make war. con-
clude peace, or form an alliance, all of
his own motion.
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1903-04-23
A SHARK SYNDICATE.

II is rather early to begin the fantastic
stories of the Midsummer SILLY season.
but it starts out very bravely with re-
port from Havana that John G. Neumeis-
ter, of Chicago, financier and cheese
manufacturer, has formulated scheme
| for the wholesale destruction of the sharks
which infest the Havana harbor The
story runs that Mr.. Neumeister, who has
been in Cuba studying the chances to turn
nimble dollar, noted the passage of an
| ordinance giving bounty of So for every
female shark killed in the harbor. and So
for ever male. He Immediately tele-
graphed his Chicago friepds, and syndi-
cate was organized. The firsi step was to
employ 80 men cOrralling the stray dogs
in which Havana, like other shiftless To-
calities, abounds. These have been put
on small farm near the city rented for
the purpose, and an order has been placed
for quantity of high explosives The
man-eating sharks epicurean tastes are
believed to grade about thus: First, dog;
second, negro; third, white man.
The syndicate proposes to at first lure
the sharks by feeding them a number of
dead dogs. There is no doubt that some
sort Of wireless telegraphy exists between
them, like that of buzzards and crows, by
which they communicate to their sisters,
cousins and aunts over a wide stretch, the
arrival of any tOothsome delicacy and
summon them together for THANKSGIVING
feast. Then the unioaded dogs are to be
followed by others which have "a cartridge
in them connected with n battery in a
boat. When horde of hungry sharks
have gathered around any given dog, en-
gagged in eager discussion as to his merits.
the man in the boat will touch a button.
and the cartridge will do the rest. The
only disturbing question in the mind of
Mr.. Neumeister and his enterprisins
friends is as to how long the Cuban Treas
ury will hold out. The dogs in Havana
are as limitless as the sands of the sea
and the same can be said of the sharks
in the harbor. The last report of the
Cuban finances shows that they have
something over $2,00O,OOO surplus in the
Treasury, but this will disappear like the
morning mist if Mr.. Neumeister's plans
are anything like as successful as he an
ticipates. Anyway, it makes a very fair
story.
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1903-04-23

Mrs. Klegg scanned il critically. To
her there was no more tell-tale index of a
womans housekeeping than her soft soap.
It'll have to do. Wen have to call it
soap. because it has grease and potash in
it. But the woman who made it spent
more time in talking about her neighbors
than in ninding her work. faint half
billed nor half-stirred, but l guess it's bet
ter than this pale-complected bar soap.
Well use it ON the floors and woodwork.
and take the other for the boys bath. Go
and see if that water is hot enough yet
for their baths. They're suffering every
minute till they get it."
That reminds me-" she continued.
that there must be some way fixed TO
battle them. l wonder how the people
who lived here bathed:'
I'D suppose. from the looks of things"
suggested Maria, that they waited until
July, when the water got warm in the
river. and then took bath there. whether
they felt they needed it or not. l haven't
seen anything bigger than n wash-basin.'
We'll. they've got to have a bath, and
that right off," said Mrs. KlecS deter
minedly, glancing around for some device
to carry our her intention. Nothing like
it TO bring fever patients around. I've
often seen it save life"
Battle those menu queried Otterbein
Kramer. Battle men who have the
fever? Never heard of such Il thing. It'll
kill them, SIRE"
Nonsense" said Mrs. Kless sharply.
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1903-04-23

THERE is apparently no limit to the ap-
plication of the main principle of law in
tie Northern Securities decision. 1t is of
less Importance that the holding corpora
ton" has been declared Illegal. The all
important idea is that the courts affirm
their right, under the Sherman and other
laws, To review any business transaction
and decide that while it may not now be
injurious, it has dangerous possibilities
and therefore cannot stand. Under this
decision the beer trusts, coal combina.
lions, and other gigantic monopilies may
be successfully attacked on account of
their present influence or possible future
effect in restraint of trade" In the same
way labor unions may be restrained from
preventing boys learning trades and men
working wherever work is offered them.
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1903-04-23
OBTAINING SITES FOR FORTS. Etc.

EDITOR NATIONAL TRIBUNE: Will yo
be kind enough to answer the following
questions:
l. How can the Government becom
| the owner of lands. sites for Notifications
etc.. in the United States or naval an,
coaling stations in foreign waters?
| z. Can any person. persons or corpora
ton give the Government of the United
| States a tract of land for the purpose Of
| erecting fort or barracks for troops OIL
| marines, to be used to suppress riots il
| large cities?
.. Can any corporation or person OF
wealth call out the United States Regu
lars or the National Guards of the United
States. since the passing of the Dick Bill
4. Did the wealthy citizens of Chicago
give the ground for Fort Sheridan so as
to have the United States Regulars on
hand in case of riot or other disturbance:
HENRY Sc1IoENTHAL CQHN, 9th Iowa
Cav, Sac City, Iowa.
i. The Government can only acquire
land in a State by cession from the State
in which it desires to acquire it. The
Constitution provides for this. In the
Territories, of course. the Government
has supreme power and ownership, and
can take what land it pleases. Any land
that is owned by private individual,
however. must be condemned by regular
judicial proceedings. Naval and coaling
stations can only be acquired in foreign
waters by treaty and purchase.
, Such thing never has been done
Locations for forts, etc, are always fixed
upon by boards of army officers. who care
full IL,
tons. The States and the people are
always more than glad to have the Gov
eminent select the site and establish the
forts, because this means an improvement
in the neighborhood. much life and move
ment, and a pleasant addition to society.
3. No; emphaticalIy no. The only way
in which troops can be called out is by
the official statement of the Sheriff of the
County that he is unable, with the means
at his hands, to preserve the peace. and
request upon the Governor for assistance
4. We do not know if any of the ground
now occupied by Fort Sheridan was do
mated by philosophical owners or not.
The fort was established there without
reference to the use of the troops in sup
pressing riots. Chicago is the headquarters
of an important military division. and it
was very proper that there should be a
large body of troops at the immediate
service of the General commanding the
Department. There always have been
military posts near great cities, and very
so.
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1903-04-23

big book" and she gave the Surgeon a
look which seemed to include him in the
same category of incapables.
That's so. Mother" admitted the
Deacon. Il expect l am better fitted fer
the society that has rail fence around it
than l am for anything indoors"
That's so of all of us, Mrs. Klegg,"
said the Surgeon heartily, with a little
laugh. Il don't think any man is to be
compared as a nurse alongside of good,
experienced woman. l welcome you as
a most valuable addition to my force. Go
ahead and do as you wish. l shall add
you and your daughters to my staff, and
you shall be Obeyed and respected accord
ingly. as the orders say. l suppose you
will let the Deacon help" he continued,
with sly look at the subdued husband.
''Oh, yes; he's got to work the same as
the rest of u.s. Mrs. Klegg retorted with
her pleasant laugh. Father. do go out
and get them kittles filled and n fire
started under them, and hurry up. Maria,
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1903-04-23

Gen. Charles W. Drew, a veteran ir,.
surance man Of Chicago and one of the
founders Of the fire insurance patrol. died
April 8, at his home. He entered the
10Th N. Y. at the beginning of the war
az First Lieutenant, but in 1868 was
given commission in the 10th U. s. c. L.
lie became Colonel Of the regiment, and
was breyetted Brigadier- General for
services at Mobile. He was prominent
society and club man in Chicago.
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1903-04-23

CANADA is also embarking in great
railway scheme. proposing 10 build a new
transcontinental route to open up the great
wheat and timber lands of northern Que
bee. tap tile Hudson Bay region, cross
the center Of lie rich wheat lands of the
Peace River Valley, and finally reach the
Pacific at Fort Simpson. Its length will
will be only 2,220 miles across the CONT
nent, whereas the present Canadian Paci-
fc from Quebec to Vancouver is 3,0S7
miles. 1t is claimed that it will save seven
cents bushel on the transportation of
wheat TO the seaboard, which will more
than paly the total interest on the cost
of the road's construction
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1903-04-23

AT THE instigation of the socialistic
element the Government of Holland Sc
cured the ownership of the railways, and
made the running of them State func-
ton. Now it finds it necessary to call out
its troops to shoot down the strikers.
Italy has done the same thing. This must
give a pause to those Socialists who in
sist on Government ownership and make
them seriously inquire whether it is not
better for dissatisfied workmen to deal
with individuals rather than with the
State, which commadns and must be
obeyed.
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1903-04-23

IT Is very disgusting sequel to the
long years of labor of the mistaken philan-
tbropists who secured the release of the
Younger boys from the Minnesota penl-
Tertiary, to find that Cole Younger, in
stead of settling down in decent OBJ
security, is to go On the road with show,
exhibiting himself as the hero of his past
robberies and murders. The pernicious
effect of this upon the rising generation
will be incalculable and there certainly
should be some means TO prevent 1t.
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1903-04-23

SOUTH Australia has embarked upon
railway scheme that compares with our
Pacific Railways, and the Russian Trans
Siberian. She proposes 10 build road
1,O63 miles long, TO aid which she will
give a grant of 79.720,000 acres Of land.
This is to have a three feet six inches
gage, have steel rails of not less than
90 pounds to the yard, and to be COM
pleted IN eight years. There must be one
train week with the minimum speed of
20 miles an hour. The land donated will
exceed in area that of the United King
dom Of Great Britain and Ireland.
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1903-04-23

Chief Engineer Albert w. Morley, q.
). N, retired, died at his home, in Brook
Ign, March %. He was born in Connect.
cut and entered the service July IL, 1861
was made Chief Engineer Gov. II, 1882
and retired March p, 1896. after Is wears
and nine months sea service He was
one of the best-known ana most capable
officers of the old Engineer Corps of the
Navy.
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1903-04-23

THE Nom Union Unions of Indiana are
seriously menacing the power of the
Labor Unions. This was certain to come.
The despotism of the Labor Unions could
not help provoking a revolt in their free
dom-loving country.
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1903-04-23

Gov. ODELL and Senator Plat have
chosen a most inopportune time to open
up their war. While New York Is not
necessary to the election of a Republican
President, she would be mighty pleasant
to have.
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1903-04-23

The New York police are finding that
the Malta has murder and the protection
of the murderers reduced to a system that
makes our native criminals blush at their
own incapacity.
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1903-04-23

MIR. HARRY L. MERRIcK, of the edi-
torial staff of the Washington Post, and
probably the most brilliant paragrapher
in the country, died suddenly April Is.
He was born and reared at Xenia, o.,
had many years of experience on the Ohio
press. and was a genial, Iovable, as well
as able man. He was A years old.
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1903-04-23

THE Fairbanks Presidential boom has
passed through the Winter successfully,
and several people are beginning to ex-
press hopes in regard to it.
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1903-04-23

THE latest quotations seem to be-:
Prime Missouri Senators, $1,000; seconds,
$500 and lower. Offerings of any number
at these figures.
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1903-04-23

SOMEHOW the Olney boom is attracting
far less attention than the Mississippi
freshet, and that is rapidly subsiding.
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1903-04-23

No MAN need want anything that the
Missouri Legislature can give if he has
sufficient number of 1000 bills.
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1903-04-23

FROM the way the Democratic leaders
and papers are talking about one another,
it would seem that Harmony has shared
the evil fate of the peach crop.
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1903-04-23

THE Northern Securities Company
seems to have been astonishingly insecure.
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1903-04-23
&SikleqQ; Shorty
GeN. MdMeBQ59f Ln 2.
WsSA On the March Ay0uy21Ae CaTOlinaS
Mrs. Klegg Takes Charge Of the Hospital,
and Introduces q Reign OF Cleanliness and

Copyrighted. 1892 by NATIONAL
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1903-04-23

omcc. $40 Pennsylvania Avenue n. w.
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1903-04-23

WASHINGTON, D. c., APRIL %. 1908.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1903-07-04
WAGNER AS A HUMORIST.
How He Compiled With the Sugges-
ton of London Newspaper.

From Golfers Weekly.
Richard Wagner was not a man to whom
one would naturally ascribe the faculty OF
ready joking. 1t is not from the creator
of the serious. somber Flying Dutchman'
or the composer of the half mystical, half
religious opera, "Parsifal." that one would
expect cheerful pranks at the expense OF
the other people Nevertheless, an instance
is on record of how the great tone-painte
of Bayreuth played a very funny trick %
a newspaper and probably good many or
the readers accustomed to relying on what
1t said 1t was in the fifties. Wagner. then
still climbing the ladder of fame, was con-
Quoting the Philharmonic concerts in the
British metropolis for a season. Being, as
he remained to the end. very ardent ad-
mirer of Beethoven, and, in fact knowing
that masters nine symphonies by heart, he
selected several of them for performance
in the said series of concerts.
The first time, then, that Wagner con-
Quoted a Beethoven symphony in London
the public received the rendition kindly
enough, but the next morning a certain
newspaper with a very large circulation
came out with a rather severe criticism
The author of "Lohengrin'' was in cold
print, but In unreServed terms, scolded for
directing a symphony by the immortal
Beethoven without a score in front of him.
Such proceeding to which London was
unaccuStomed, was sheer presumption so
ran the criticism. And after further I'M
complimentary remarks, the great and In
fiuential journal advised young Herr Wag-
ner to use score when he conducted a
Beethoven symphony again. Well soon
Herr Wagner did. this time with book of
music open before him on his desk. He was
seen to turn over the leaves with certain
amount of regularity, too His reward
came the next day, in the form of a COM
mandatory article in the aforesaid news
paper, which praised him for very much
better Interpretation of Beethoven than his
last, due, of course to the suggested use OF
the score. Whereupon Wagner 1--WE think
our pun is justified in this particular in
stance) announced the fact that the score
in front of him the previous evening was
that of Rossinis opera. THE Barber %
Seville'-turned upside down.