The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-05-10

 gets into the way of boiling an early | breakfast and having the maid to run ] tho domestic end of things. while she hustics off to the opening of an all-im- 1 portant sale. 1t may be a sale of tor toise shell combs, of teapots, or canary birds. or church furniture, and they may ! not be at the least necessity or chance for purchasing any one of these things, but that is the way that bargainitis pursues and effects it's victims.
 That is precisely the way the 1 otherwise sane and soft-hearted wife | of Broker John Bliss used to snatch a neal and an excuse for getting down into the shopping district It is also one of | the reasons why many snug little flats and suburban homes are given up, and the boarding houses and apartment hotels | receive the patronage of married couples. You simply can't have bargainitis and comfort too.
 II know 1t is sort of exhilarating to :, knock about the shopping district of morning. Whether you have $50 or 50 cents to spend, it quickly becomes l pleasant habit to drop in and see what's on at the remnant counters. You can always listen to a gay electric piano con cert in the basement, spend an intellect uai halt hour in the art gallery. and, as i the bargainitis Iiends nearly always hunt in couples or trios, and meet by appoint meut behind the storm doors. 1t comes 1 rather natural to have a jolly Scent treat l, of refreshing ice cream nectar about Il o'clock at the soda water fountain on the l main floor.
 Several times during the morning you | take light exercise in the scrimmase about the remnant department. Then 1 you scratch off few notes in the Louis Quinze Ladies Pariors. and finally you lunch on hot chocolate, lobster pates and lemon meringue pie, in the seventh floor I restaurant. All this is as independent as
 club life. with lots more privileges and l excitement thrown in, But the trouble
 Is. when you get home from sample matching and bargain snatching and the
 other strenuosities of such forenoon. you gre cross. bone tired and thoroughly incapable of dealing effectually with Mary | Ann's deiinquencies.
 "As the best bargains are billed early in
 the day. you nearly always have to rush l your marketing. You naturally fall into
 the way of buying pretty nearly the same | cuts of meat and kinds of vegetables ev- cry day because 1t takes so much valua- ble time to consider the respective mer- its of steak or fowl: to think whether you had beans or sprouts yesterday for din ner, and to remember that poor John has |
 ''You are always meaning to study uI new coquettish ways to serve cold nut ton. to warn Mary Anne to wash the grit more carefully out of the spinach and to ring in a dessert change on float l ing island and prune pudding. Somehow | though. after running a six-deep blockade of the allied petticoat powers around the l sfxty-nine cent counter. l always wanted 1 10 rest and let Mary Anne work her own | sweet will.
 linen John is such dear, patient, h,,-
 morous American husband that when he
 began to call the once feathery morning
 rolls hotterettes, and to assure me he was
 almost beginning to like the flavor of
 scorched porridge. I just laughed with
 him. At first, when the chops used to
 come in as hard as tack hammers. and l he no longer asked for a second cup o'
 coffee. I winced a little hut he nevel
 grumbIed, and I just let it go. I was
 sorry, of course, but as most of my | friends had about the same tale to tel | of conscienceless hand -maidens, decided l that was as successful as the average
 housekeeper.
 1 "I could always console myself by re-
 hecting that I proved my thrift and | he4pfulness every day by buying my
 clothes at simply absurd bargain prices | and by picking up all sorts of lovely odds
 and ends for the house at astonishing
 figures. Occasionally. l balanced thf
 bargains with luxuries and ornaments
 for which we felt no pressing need. How
 ever, I did not take 1t kindly when John
 said that a hand-painted satin sofa pill
 low. garnished with blonde lace. could
 hardly be called serviceable, and that n.N bronze nymph, holding a bunch of water lilies with glass bulb hearts, would havt been more useful, if we had electricity ir . the house But his first few and timif
 criticisms fell on stony ground
 Just about that time, Christmas shop
 ping engaged nearly ali my time ant muscle and enthusiasm, and Mary Anne left As the Christmas shopping was Of
 paramount importance. I made arrange ments for our meals with the nearest boarding house, and took my time to re place the prodigal
 Mot to harrow your soul with tho gruesome details. Miss Emily, I will only say that the second Christmas of my , married life might have been a perfect
 success. If the new maid whose recom } mendations I had been too busy to loof up, had not used the mince pie for turkey
 stufing, If she had not played ping pong with my best wedding gift china and if she had forgotten to empty all tho decanters on the side-hoard before even
 tually retiring under the escort of g champion heavyweight policeman. to the
 station house there to celebrate hei Christmas in profound sunber.
 "Oh how mortified I was, and disap
 pointed, too. John, in his well-mean
 efforts to pour oil on the troubled waters
 of my soul got into the flame of my ir'
 instead, by tactlessly remarking that hi mother seemed to have had a happ,
 knack of keeping her girls, and gooC ones. too. and he guessed 1t would be {
 fine idea to write and ask her to give mi
 few tips as I seemed to have some diff
 hculty in that line
 "The consequence of his ill-consideree 9 suggestion was that he went out alon' to look for a Christmas dinner at [ restaurant. while I pumped down or tha
 ill-starrod. hand painted, blonde lace pill l low. and with my tears cut short it: 2 career as n beautiful parlor ornament , Alone in our dinnerless home, with the , ruins of my Christmas around me, fol to thinking the situation over and realiZ ing many things,
 ,, 'I did not wait till the first of tho year ! to turn over my new leaf l simply cut 2