Lincoln County leader. [volume] (Toledo, Lincoln County, Or.) 1893-1987, 1903-04-24
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Baltimore American.
Mrs. Henpecque- Married men live
longer than single men. HenpecQue-
Yes; and it serves them right Detroit
Free Press.
Mary" said the mother, sharply,
':you mustn't say Well l never That
is slang" "Well never slang mother
if l know it."
II used to consider him one of the
most interesting takers l ever heard"
Yes; but that was before he began
telling the cute things his baby says"
Not one, but many: Mrs. Stubbs-
They have captured the cleverest hotel
robber in the country, dear. Mr. Stubs
Indeed! Which hotel did he keep?-
Tit-Bits.
Literal: Mistress-What in the world
are you putting ashes on the floor for,
Bridget? Bridget-Shure, ma'am, an
didn't yez say to doost the parlOr?-
Town and Country.
| The modern novel is bounded on the
east by blood, on the west by thunder,
on the north by gossip, on the south
by inanities, and Is surrounded by ad.
vertisements.- News.
Doctor" said the wife, "do you
think dyspepsia makes my husband ir
ritable?" Il know it," replied the man
of medicine. III try to get him we'll
SO can get my bill without kick"
John, dear" said the poets wife, 81
wish you'd write poem that'n buy
three pounds of beef; and We'll need
sonnet for ham, an ode for sack Of
flour, a lyric for lard, and a quatraln
for box of matches. There! l believe
that's all this morning. Atlanta Con-
stitution.
In your vermiform appendix" the
surgeon told him after the operation
was over, I'VE found, strange to say,
small brass tack" THAT proves l
was right" feebly answered the sick
man, when l said it was something l
had eaten in mince pie"-Chicago
Tribune.
"Yes," said the meek-looking woman,
I'm glad Mr.. Barker isn't on jury
duty any more" Did he find 1t irk-
some?" Very. Mr.. Barker couldn't
express an opinion without appearing
to agree with some of the other men,
and it irritated him terribly Wash
ington Star.
Jeweler-Diamond shirt studs? Yes,
sir; here's a set, neat little stones, for
$125. Customer-Huh! Out home in
California l can get Jewcler-Ah,
yes, pardon me-, here you are. Just look
at these big flashes. Three carats each!
Sell you that set for $3.50 Philadel-
phia Press.
| PERSONAL: Mrs. Clifton Yes, she
was furious about the way in which
that paper reported her marriage. Miss
Avondale-Did it allude to her age?
Miss Extraordinarily 1t stated that
Miss Olde and Mr.. Yale were married,
the latter being a well-known collector
of antiques. ."-SaXby's Magazine.
why don't you try to live down
your past?" asked the visitor at the
Jail. Its no use," answered the pris-
Oner. Not if you're sincerely sorry"
"Bein' sorry don't do no good. When
dey've got your picture in de rogues'
gallery you've got to git out O. de busi-
ness. It's worse dan bein' up agin a
trust."-Puck.
Washington officials say young WON,
en- handle money more rapidly than
older ones, and there can be no doubt
about it. The amount of money that
can pass through the hands of a young
woman has frequently paralyzed q
young husband who thought he was
something of spendthrift himself
st. Louis Post-Dispatch.
Fiendlsh revenge: The burglar soft
ly opened tine door of the suburbanitc's
sleeping apartment, slipped inside bu,
found nothing worth stealing. "Darr
him.! he soliloquized: 'I'll get soms
satisfaction out Of him, anyway!
Thereupon he set the alarm clock or
the bureau for the hour of three. and
softly departed.-Chicago Tribune.
Could recommend them: IL would ad
wise you," he said TO the friend he was
taking home to dinner, ito try some OF
my wife's branded peaches. OF cours,
/ know you don't care for them ordin
arily, but these are worth trying" SEX
ira good, are they?" "Well, bought
the brandy myself and dumped an ex
ira bottle OF It in when she wasn't
looking."-Chcago Post.
The baby's cries outclassed: Mrs
Finnegan-Shure, Mrs. Murphy, doe.
yez baby croy much wild cuttln' hi,