The Globe-republican., 1903-01-01
THE CASHIERS SCHEME,
THE BURGLARS COUNTER
How Nichols, Of the National Bank of Warrington,
Evolved Great Plan, and the Aid
of jenkins the Gent.
r ICH0LS was not a Sun
Ill day.sChool superintendent.
" Neither was be a prominent

Of the Fist National Bank Of Man
nington, N. j., had more implicit con
adence in him than 1t is customary Il
place in cashiers Of such institutions
Nicholas glance was keen. Hi
speech was blunt. His voice dwelt Ii
the cellar. Directors like such men ant
Nichols knew 1t.
All work and no play is a reprehen
slble combination. After banking
hours Nichols was sociologist. HI
was a modest man and did not brae
about his accomplishments. His spe
cial line Of thought was the Tenderlolr
by night-a fascinating study. Nichols
learned to call the wardmen, the
bOuncers and the violent-scented ones
Of that interesting section by their pei
names-an expensive education. In
return they called him by name, bul
not by the name Of Nichols. He was
a very modest man In all matters con
nectcd with his intellectual pursuits.
? Now, If bank cashier gets $4,000 a
year and frequently loses as much in
a week working out the philosophy Of
faro simply in the interests of sociol
0gy) the situation becomes complex.
Not that Nichols really lost these
amounts. He merely dropped them
Later he confidently expected to pick
them up again. This acquired add
tlonal capital and many years Of study.
AS a matter Of statistical fact, the
faculty Of picking up amounts so lost
is only given to graduates cum laude.
Y After year or two Of study, and
when still in the sophomore class, so
to speak, Nichols began to have
qualms. His glance lost some of its
keenness. His speech missed part Of
Its bluntness. His voice at times went
up to the second story.
"What the deuce" be reflected night
and day. "a man may throw a bluff
as big as a mountain, but he cannot
hide shortage Of 100000 all his
life."
In his dreams he began to see the
hlppopotamus smiling.
In his working hours be began to
hear the hyena making derisive noises.
) Nichols didn't like it. 1t will be I'M
t1erstood that he was a soclologist pure
Nnd simple, Zoology being forced upon
.his attention naturally irritated him.
In 4 word Nichols had bis hands full.
His only relief was that the directors
continued the speciality of Rip Van
Wrinkle. But even this could not last
forever. The directors began to come
around shifting. Sniff, sniff, sniff. rs
that q rat we smell?" they asked each
other anxlously. They decided upon a
thorough examination of the books to
see Il any odoriferous rodent lurked
therein.
{ 1t may be set down as maxim that
when board of directors suddenly ac-
quires a set Of olfactory nerves, they
will generally find a highly scented
condition Of affairs in the state Of
Denmark. y.,s.tsi
Ey y ' e%i7's.sT
\ Simmons completes tile cast. Sim
mons was a broad minded man, and
closing hours failed to limit him. His
business was the amelloratlon Of
thirst, and thirst Is not q railroad train
to be run on time table. Especially
Is this true Of Third avenue thirsy.
Moreover his knowledge Of the phe-
nomena Of thirst was not based en-
tirely upon hearsay evidence. Sim
mons frequently had thirst himself.
Third avenue enyied Simmons. The
j0int owner Of corner saloon and a
thirst. Could earth offer more they
wondered.
Simmons's thirst arose from renec,
ton. Continued reflection necessitates
occasional beer, and beer begets philos-
ophy. He liked to contemplate human
experience, as reflected in the amber
brew, and when the spirit Of philoso-
ply descended upon him, even as ma
ture abhors a vacuum, so did Simmons
,abhor an empty beer mug
Sometimes after prolonged philosopll-
lcal reflection Simmons would speak
entertainlngly regarding electricians.
In moments Of supreme elevation he
asked nothing better than to meet all
living electricians. one by one, man to
man, brass knuckles allowed and a
bung starter for gaf.
In periods Of profound depression be
bitterly invelghed against the manner
In which they had taken the bread out
Of The mouths Of honest men.
"Every certain safe worth cracking
has an alarm wire,' he would remark.
"Every certain wire rings a bell some
where. An honest man can't tell when
he has started the thing ringing, He'll
have his safe open and be taking out
the stuff. First thing he knows he Is
looking up at gun In the hands Of a
certain person, who laughs like an
ass and says: You gave the alarm
yourself"
From the above quoted remarks \
must not be hastily gathered that Sim
monss discourse was monotonous In
sadjectlyss o. the contrary DO was