The Bamberg herald. [volume] (Bamberg, S.C.) 1891-1972, 1903-02-26
YOUR UNCLE BILL
Writes Entertaininsly on Various and
Sundrv Subjects.

EDITOR THE RAMBERG HERALD:-1
spect you will'b more or less regretful
when you hear that your constructor has
ben laid up with case of the rumatlcal
rheumatism and that is the reason why |
have not shown my countenance in these
here coldms erfore. I wish you would
ask Jonathan Brown how to move we'll.
/ had one on my farm that / wanted
moved only exactly about 200 yards, but
couldn't get single or solitaire son Of
Ham Tor a married one either) to under
take it, or overtake it or take it by the
side-they just wouldn't tech the job.
want to say that have very much en-
loved Jonathan's Representations in
this here PERIODICAL and have been con-
templating why he did preambulate for
you more unfrequently. Great is the
mind of man Ito say nothing of that of
womin) but sir, it pears to me that these
telegraph corporations is far behind the
times, if they do boast consuming this
neH tangled wirelesser telegarnify. Nigh
on to a fortnight ago l received a letter
from my oldest daughter, Sal, that same
one what organate SO melodiously on the
piana, saying as how she was mouty sick.
Now Sal habitates in that great city of
Shecargo. Says | to Betsey Anna, who
by way Of parenthisus is my conjucal,
partner, when l seed that letter, It'll
never do to let the poor child perish
away off in them furin parts for. want of
administration, 50 I'll put out to town
Immediately and send her by telegram
some of my emolution of Sampson snake
Nd T1,,hi I
would fetch her. round after all them
slider my CONSERVATION, mortifation and
astonishment when l was told by the
operator that "they didn't send packages
by telegram" When l got home and
manifested this information to Betsey
Anna, we both lowed in almost the same
breath, 30 the inefficeency of human in
strumentality."
Speaking of edification, what do you
opine of these vanced methods of dis
parting acknowledge now practiced by
these ehicidating professors in modern
acamidemical misinstruction ? l myself
am only man of unlimited edification,
but have an opinion howsoever. After
my son Tom had been in attention upon
the Cedar Hill Academy for two weeks,
I ascertained him one night that l might
catechise what retrogression he was
making. Says l, "Tom how do they spell
tater at your school? ?" pot" began
Tom. Stop" says l." Preponderous and
ncomprehensible That, Mister Editor,
is my disbiased opinion of now-a-day
school methods, and I give it for what it
may be worth. I myself individual am
telefonetic orthografer. So finally at last,
and to make short story shorter dis
engaged your cousin Tom from that
school in the twinkle Of an eye.
l have subsequently been ruminating
about fire insurance in general and fires
in particular-the wisdom of both. Now
many persons retend that these fires are
only incendiary, but sir, my opinion is
that are sot. One of your citizens and me
was not long ago since concussing this
question. Said he would not "play rat"
himself, but had no quarrel with those
who did. "For," says ee, insurance
people are milliners (private to the editor
please lend me here the right word.
l know that milliners are not always
women who presses millions, although
they ought, to, getting the prices they do;
but I forget the prezact world and can
stand it, But" says I, lit make the
premiums we honest people are propelled
to refund more loftier (same as higher).
Now that was clincher he dasent try
to unclinch. Most disrespectfully,
Your UNCLE BILL.
Possum Ridge, S. G., US. A., February
the 18th A. D. 1908.
P. .S-N. B. Some time soon in the
dim distant future I may perhaps possibly
reappear erfore your readers and give
my brother farmers some wholesale advise
how to conduct their farms, which they
so mnch need.