The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1903-07-22
HUMOROUS.

Wigg-Talkalot never seems able to
keep any friends. Wagg-No, he's al
ways giving them away.
Driver (first hack)--,Boy, how do you
get to the cemetery. Boy-Say, mister,
l amt no funeral director.
"What are seats OF the mighty
pa?" They are the seats the men
who run the automobiles sit on, my
child"
Now I realize that riches take unto
themselves wings" mused the married
man as he noted the plumage on his
wifes new hat.
He's so foolish" said the one in
white. FOOLISH" returned the one in
gray. Eyes. Why he wants me to mar
ry him" "Oh, then he is foolish"
He-I had a hard time getting a
good wife. She-Goodness! Have you
been married several times? "oh, no,
but courted my present one six
years"
Miss Woodby-Really, you don't
think that would consider for q min
ute proposal from him, do you? Miss
Newitt-Oh, no. OF course, you
wouldn't take that long.
Pallette-Youd be surprised II you
knew the amount of time spent on that
men have stood In froat of 1t for hours
trying to make out what it is.
Scribbler-Have you read my new
sea story? Strawberries, indeed.
threw myself right into it. In fact,
before / was halfway through | ac-
tually became skipper myself.
Il see that Andrew Carnegie thinks
Homer didn't amount TO much" "
That's queer. Surely Homer must
have had one good point in Andy's es-
timation. He didn't die rich"
"That reminds me-" said Barnes, at
the height of the street fight. Why
are the police like electricity" Give
1t up" said the chorus. Because,
said Barnes, 'it is an unseen force"
"Why do you argue with your wife?"
| asked the bachelor. Don't you know
the futility of it?" "Of course" re-
piled the married man; but | have
to allow her q little pleasure once in
while"
II planted some seeds and they
came up the next day" That's moth
ing. l planted some seeds any they
came up the next hour" Whew! Did
the sun bring them up?" mo, my
neighbor's chickens"
II notice some of the Insurance CON-
panies call themselves assurance So
cieties.' Is there any difference be-
| tween insurance and assurance
Usually assurance Is what the fellow
has who is forever trying to sell you
insurance"
Tommy-Pop, is patience a virtuei
Tommys Pop-Yes, my SON." Tommy
And is virtue its own reward? Tom
my's Pop--So we are told. Tommy
And do all things come to those who
wait? Tommy's Pop-My son. never
attempt to monkey with the proven
bal buzz-saw.
| Arthur-Millie may be little pecu'
liar at times, but she means all right
Harry-Yes, guss that's so; but what
are you driving at? Arthur called
at her house t'other night, and today
she said it was not until / had gone
that she realized what a pleasan
evening she was having.
Yes, enjoy an orchestra to play
while my patrons dine" remarked th'
| proprietor of the lunch room. "Bu
why do you make the musicians play
such quick alrs?" asked the friend
ooh, that causes people to cot fastel
and make room for others. Their jaw
work in harmony with the the music.
MY boy" he said. as he led the way
to the woodshed. you've been yer!
naughty today and have annoyed mi
greatly, but want to say" They al
say that" retorted the boy, wht
thought he knew what was coming. :"
want to say" repeated the old man, al
he reached for the switch, that thi!
! nj