The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1903-05-28
i he PREMATURE?
Hustling American Has a Pipe
Dream
CHINA'S NEW EMPEROR!
Bit of Startling News Just
Discovered

and in the second place there is no other
publication in the two hemispheres which
will get the news, because the affair in
question was of such an ultra select ma
ture that no mere foreign correspondent
could have got in. Learning that the
Car Of Russia was actually 10 be pres
ent, / considered in what guise l could
be most cordially received, if at all, and
after a good deal of thought got myself
up as the DR.. Schenck. The result was
that the car himself received me with
great affability and said that he had
read in the papers that 1 was dead, and
was delightfully."- disappointed, and so
on. l maintained a very good Weberfield
dialect in carrying out the part, and just
wished the boss could see me-and
mother. And the girl with the pompa-
| dour, inside my watch-lid.
But that isn't the story, by any means.
and q person reading this might well be
astonished at my oh-hand account Of
meeting the car in Picking. To tell the
truth l started this story by putting the
cart before the horse-haying just come
from meeting the Gar of Russia l may
be excused for being in a stew. The only
other time 1 ever met car was when /
met the Car of the Tenderloin, and then
1 wasn't in a stew, but in a cell. And
would you believe that was lesson to
me, and I've never played ping pong
since? But Ito return to our muttons'-
China has new emperor. 1t seems to
me that this news should burst on a
chopfaIlen world like thunderclap from
the blue. 1t is great bit of news-just
get off and look at it minute. ! want
ed to keep it for a climax, but l just
couldn't hold it any longer China has a
new emperor 1t was to have been kept
quiet; no one but the court was TO have
known for a while, but you can't put the
lid on your old Sleuth, the foreign cor
respondent. AS proof, here's a picture
of the engaging ceremony. sketehed by
me with three Manchu executioners look
ing at me suspiciously, and therefore
done literally under fear of death. which
accounts. perhaps, for the general crum-
miness Of the drawing.
Now the cats out of the bagi The new
Emperor of China? OF course. It's the
Gar of Russia.
! got the tip yesterday morning that
large collection of Manchurian gentle
men, or Russians-it's all the same thing
nowadays-had arrived in the Forbidden
City and had been lodged in the palace
of the Fire Devouring Dragon. I knew
at once that the Empress Dowager must
be intending to be especially nice to these
visitors. for ordinary visitors and persons
suspected of ambitions she puts up on the
houseboat on the lake that's used, at
other times. as smallpox hospital. All
yesterday the Russian Eagles floated over
the Forbidden City and last evening it
was rumored there was forty-eight
round banquet in the empress own palace
at which the empress must have been in
a tremendous fine humor. for no one died
as a consequence of it. There was serv-
ed as the piece de resistance-so my
Peliinese boy tells me-a thousand white
doves. stuffed with gunpowder.
Then, like a fash-just as one gets a
bunch at the track at home-I knew. 1t
was the Car of Russia, incOg., and visit
ing in the Forbidden City of Picking for
some mysterious purpose. The thousand
white doves stuffed with gunpowder were
a very graceful compliment-the white
dove of peace-The Hague peace confer
ence-all that sore of thing. So. said to
myself. this time the Russian mountain
comes to the foreignly corresponding
MahOmet. and whatever is doing, if the
latter cannot sneak up on a crowned
head that's away from home and pry off
a chatty, snappy line of small talk fit
for publication, no more piteous letters
home for mine for a raise in salary. It
In
terview from the car that l set out
boldly. then, this morning for the Forbid
den City. Feeling in my bones. how
ever that ! might also run into an inter
view with the empress dOwager. / went
prepared. That is. I wore a chain mail
shirt, an extra high razor-proof collar,
and as 1 walked my pockets 1ingled mer-
rily-replete with every known antidote.
on my way I framed up a few modest
questions. which / intended 10 introduce
artfuny into my interview with his ma
jesty. As nearly as l can remember. they
ran something like this;
First-Your majesty does not want any
more foreign consuls admitted into east
ernmost Russia (vulgarly called Manehu-
rial because why? Is it because consuls
have a way OF insisting on appearing at
functions in the middle Of the Gay in
evening clothes and thus surround their
several governments with a false CLAM
or? Do YOU approve Of evening dress in
the middle OF the day? OF decoIIete?
How lowe And how high?
Secoad-Your majesty does not desire
foreigners to be employed in public serr-
ice in MaRchuria, and desires Russia to
attach telegraph wires and poles OF all
Chinese lines in Manchuria In this con-
nection is there any truth in the report
that your majesty viii get out ihjunc-
tions restraining foreigners from ex-
hausting the air Of MaRchuria. and in
case Of violations VIII prevent the same
b. attaching the culprits TO the tele-
crap wires and poles Of Chinese lines in
Manchuria?
Third-But why continue? For. after
all. l forgot to spring the questions on his
majesty. arrived at the gates of the
Forbidden City. and in the same over
bearing tone which at home / would use
on an oil maguate-s office boy 7 bade the
guard inform the Gar OF Russia that
Or. Schenck was without. The guard
wsbbled away and returned presently.
followed by a detachment Of Cossacks
wi.o escorted me to the palace OF the Fire
Devouring Dragon. where I saw. standing
on the steps and picking his teeth with
the air OF u monarch who had Just break
tasted remarkably well. a parsonage who
looked exactly Ike Prince Henry and the
Prince OF Wales ard whom I knew. there
r-ro. n be the Gar He came down the