The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1903-08-26
The PIKERs, LAMENT.
Boobies DIARY.

/ ID
Aug. 1s.-Sister Ellen's beau's coming
tonight. and 1 had better hide out He
makes me nervous with his foolin' with
me. He thinks he's the smartest thing
in town because he plays in the baseball
| game and rides yaller bike. He's al
ways tellin' how hard his muscles is, and
somethin out strain us Well it does
strain good deal to have him round
'ceptfn' Ellen. Paw says be amt worth a
| picaune- l s pose that is little niger.
And ma says he might do if he was a
| bit older and could manage to make his
| own clothes. So. l s'pose he's learning to
be tailor. Ellen says ne is a very Gull
! tiwated young gentleman. which sounds
| like he is d farmer. But he don't look
| like he knew beans from a crows foot,
Paw says.
| Aug. 20.-I wanted to go fishin' tomor-
| row, and ma won't let me go, cause
that nabs is comm to tea. l was so
mad L thought I'd bust. So 1 thought
and thought how l could get revenge on
! him and make him stay away. l ain [
thought of any way yet, and I'm goin'
TO bed.
Aug. 21.-When Ellen's beau come to-
day he had on white flannel suit, the
| pants turned up at the bottom, an a
blue shirt, an little speck of tie an
a panhandle hat 1 b'lieve that's the
name. Sister Ellen was all in white, an
ma had on her new thin black dress.
An they made paw put on a coat. but he
swore dreadful. Me an the kids was all
fixed up. Ma said that the baby was
best off in the air, so 1 kept the kids in
the back yard. That was why ma kept
me home-to roll the baby in the go
cart and take care of Jimmy. besides. 1t
seems to me the youn&er kids in family
never pay for their rasin'.
l got the baby to sleep after while,
an then 1 told Jim if he would go in
the back parlor an look at his new pic
ture book. layin on the lounge, | would
give him three pennies, all his own. l
knew he would soon go to sleep that way
Well, L got them kids off my hands, an
then l went round on the front porch
with the other folks. l got clost to that
dude and dropped some beer checks had
1 found, in his pocket, and a pinch of pep
per on his handkerchief. Then 1 went
into the dining room and smeared mo-
lasses on his chair. 1t was pretty dark
in there, and l knew ma would not notice.
l went back on the porch then, and
ma was sayin': Tea is ready And
they all went inside.
At the table paw said: What is your
views on the tariff Mr.. Binks?"
"Why-er-my views-cr-well, you
know, my views are just about right,
you know"
l went on out in the kitchen.
wasn't allowed in the dining room when
there was company and L knew the cup
he'd drink out of. SO l just dropped a
pinch of red pepper in an then l went
out on the porch where l could look in
the window. Paw was askin him so
many things Bnks was red in the face,
an so he took big gulp of tea.
0! my sakes! He clapped his hand over
his mouth an choked. Then he jumped
up an took that chair with him. but il
dropped off an you should a seen them
white pants! Then he yanked out his
handkerchief an down went them beer
checks right at paws feet. OF course,
open his mouth, an out went that gulp
Of tea on Ellen's white dress. Ma
screamed, and that walked Jirn~an' the
baby; an the bulldog heard the row an
in he come, and just tore all them mo-
lasses off that dudes pants and more
besides. The way Binks left that house
was with speed His hat is here yet.
Tige chawed up them molasses and flannel
till they would not make a patch any
more. Ellen was mad, but she said he
had deceived her, for he said he did not
drink, and there was them beer checks.
Paw said the young man had no control
Of hisself to get so worked up over poll
ticks. Ma said that hired girl was al
ways spilin' something she had no bus
mess TO, an so got them molasses on that
chair. But it was just as well-we got rid
of the dude, anyway.
l begged ma for six pennies. an divided
with Jimmy. thought 1 ort to.
lo0o(-
OF COURSE, it doesn't follow that the
friend TO whom the Chicago colored
speculative purposes, invested it in policy
or craps. THAT is only a guess.
-(0-()-
A fellow got this off on the street yes
terday: John Foley, of New York lost
his health by fighting boodlers and per-
sisting in good government, and thus ii
appears that good government is bad for
the health"
THE POINT of this may be found by
counting thirty-seven words down and
backing up thirteen.
IS
The gas is so weak in the main on north
Emporia avenue that the women who
have gas stoves take turn about heating
their dishwater. Every woman is given
all the gas for fifteen minutes. the rest
refraining from using it during that time.
Most of them have forgotten what hot
victuals taste like.
-I-i-i-
AT the next council meeting a petition is
to be presented to the council asking
that appropriation of $4,000 be granted
the street sprinkler because of the loss
the delay in the completion of the pave
ment on the West Side will cause that
charitable institution.
-()-G)-
Vesuvius is still active, but Lou Dillon
SORT \ put her in eclipse.
:-(-)-.
THE WEATHER: Another on the
forecaster.
Because a newspaper reporter asks you
when you were born. it is no sign that ne
is figuring on writing your obituary.
4
Don't become frightened If you see a
man and a woman furiously driving down
the street in the broiling hot sun with
their hats of. They're not insane; that's
the latest in Chicago now.
z z
The most confident people in the world
are the ignorant.
DR. Burton in his Anatomy OF Melan-
choly takes this shot az the chess
player:
'Chess-piaying is a good and witty
exercise of the mind for some kind OF
men. and 1T for such melancholy, Rhasis
holds as are idle. and have extravagant.