River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1903-11-19

Meanwhile Hamlet Smidt would con-
template an imaginary vision of him
self enshrouded, lying in state in that
burial casket," somewhere, anywhere,
the locality was immaterial, only it
must be on trestles at an angle and eie-
walton permitting Agnes tears to fall
properly on his uptuned, waxlike face.
His own eyes would fill at times, and
this queer, sad luxury of mind SO grew
on him that his posthumous extrava-
gance became reckless. The way he
ran into debt for flowers, Grape and car
riages, on the installment plan, would
either have scared him into retrench-
ment had he expected to live, or the
funeral director" into fits had that
sadly elaborate functionary dreamed
that he was selling goods to would-oe
corpse slightly ahead of the usual date.
At last, the time having arrived when
he felt that he could "shake on THIS
mortal coil" with an after effect that
would simply drive Agnes wild, and the
hypnotic beard possibly into being
shaved out of sight as well as mind,
Smidt got out his morphine capsules
one fine, warm night, intending When
morning dawned that though his BODY
might be caught inside the bed, his soul,
as far as he might have any say SO ABOUT
it, should be lowering invisibly abou'
to see what would happen. lowering IN
visibly! The phrase SO tickled MS
fancy that he lay down to chuckle pen
sively over various but vivid imagln-
ings, and presently reached for the NOR
phine, or thought he did. Then-then-
When he woke up the gas was out
and through an open window the moon
light was streaming. Evidently he was
not dead, and yet the capsules on the
table were gone Could he have taken
them in fit of somnabulism? A vague,
terrible thrill caused him to jump up,
breathe deeply, then dejectedly light
the gas to hunt for more morphine. He
felt perplexed, mystifed, then
a-a-a-h-h-h!!!
The coffin-no, burial casket, it was
also GONE! Likewise the shroud. Like
wise the gloves, Grape, orders for flow
ers, and everything else he had for
weeks patiently starved and stinted
himself to secure and half pay for, in
order to afford the one grand, CHASTITY
luxury. He tottered to the open win
dow and found stepladder and paint
scarified window-sill. with nothing be-
yond but silence, vacancy and the moon.
Burglars! The truth sickened him.
And to steal, of all things, his burial out
fit. Well, it was valuable enough. And
now, all was gone-even to the NOR
phine. Dare he call out, make himself
as ridiculous in life as he had hoped to
be glorious in death? Hardly. Dare
he die and be huddled anyhow into
cheap coffin and common dirt grave,
followed by debts and cursings instead
of the remorseful tears of-he staggered
back and fell on the bed. He dared
neither call out nor die. He must con-
tinue to live. And SO he did.
Tremblingly he sought out the
funeral director" with infinite prom
Uses of gradual payment on his lips, but
was met smilingly by that imposing
parsonage, who held forth bill re-
ceipted Sin full of all demands against
Hamlet Smidt, OR HIS HEIRS, and
signed by
20. K. Seymour, NJ. D."
The successful rival! Smidt felt
beard to pursue him in comniseration
as we'll as triumph through life in the
place of Agnes remorse in death?
The mad6ening mystery was less un-
endurable than the fancied humiliation.
But even unexpected sOlvency has GER
tain venal consultations. Hamlet took
his summer vacation, sought to hide his
misery in Neptune's arms, and found,
just a little too far out-Agnes. She
was trying vainly, it would seem, to es-
cape from that salty old Lothario's
clutch and regain the life lines. Smidt
saw mis- revenge in sight at last; mortal
sight at that After strenuous strug-
gle with fierce undertow he succeeded
in bringing her into water where one
receding wave left them, momentarily,
just enough breath for utterance.
Pardon the liberty, M-m-Mrs SIS
Seymour" he painted. Had any one
else been near, l would not have in
truded-"
Young man." interrupted Agnes, Sc
verely, "you certainly do need a guar
dian Cousin Dolly Seymour says you
do-ah!-there they come now"
isn't that Dolly Barrison and y-your
husband stammered poor Smidt, his
mental self-heroics oozing away.
''Mine!" screamed Agnes, as the cou-
pie in question waved from the sand
dunes on their way back from the links.
You poor, dear, silly thing! Dolly and
the doctor were married yesterday; l
was bridesmaid. 1t was very private,
almost an elopement, owing to Uncle
Barrison's opposition If you had not
stayed so persistently away; with such
horribly morbid notions, too you would
have understood, and you might have
been the doctors best man. I-we-he
wanted you, and a"
She was blushing. Here last feeble
reach from Neptune splashed over them.
Smidt seized his opportunity to save
Agnes again. If in the excitement he
kissed and held her closely for a mo-
ment, surely much may be forgiven
when Love, having at last kicked Folly
out of the way, comes to his own.
even in heart so simple as that of
Hamlet Smidt
Later on they sought the doctor for
masculine enlightenment
'T say, Seymour; those burglars, you
know. How the deuce came you to-"