The semi-weekly messenger. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1897-1908, 1903-03-24
MODERN
FABLES.
C=BY GEORGE ADE.@
Author of the Girl Proposition.
GEORGE ABE.
Author of the Girl Proposition.

IO-DATEA ALA WHO CAhSt1ED
THE WORLD ON HIS SHOULDERS
Copyright, 1903. by Robert Howard
Russell.)
Once there lived in u Jim Grow Town
a glowing Intellect who was Posted on
all the Issues of the Day.
Some one a to keep Cases on the
Government and prevent the whole
Outfit from getting out of Keller and
so the Job fell TO Mordecai F. Quinsy-
Mr.. Quinsy found that he could give his
Time to regulating the Washington
Game, because his Wife did Sewing and
his Daughter vas an Expert S~tenogra-
pher. Between them they kept him
supplied with good 5-cent SegaTs and
relieved his Mind of all Business Cares.
He had nothing to worry him Except
Affairs of State.
When he tackled a large Information
al Problem h could do so with keen
active Brain that had not been tagged
out by any cheap EXertion, such as
trying to locate the Winters Supply of
Coal.
Mr.. Quinsy had the solemn Phiz o. 4
professional Pall-Bearer and much
meditation had corrugated the Front OF
the Dome. Those who merely caught
one Flash of him and never looked up
his Record and checked off his Pedi-
gree thought he was bout due to
break into the Senate. To tell the cold
and icy Truth, Mordecai could not have
been elected Constable, but just the
same he knew all about John Hays
next Move and sometimes he fretted a
good deal for Fear that JOB would
make a Miscue and permit himself to
be HornsWaggled by them foreign Dip
lOmats.
Mr.. Quinsy could sit on a Kit of
MackereI with a Bunch of Keys, a Bar
low Knife, a Plug Of good eating To-
baccO and about 80 cents in Currency
Secreted in his Jeans and he could tell
the Treasury Department just how to
manage the next 500, CJ0,000 Issue of
Bonds.
One thing that worried Mr.. Quinsy a
lot was the possibility that Teddy
would make some se".ous Mistakes. He
felt more or less responsible for Teddy
inasmuch as he haC formally nOminat-
ed him in front o Pilkin'S Hardware
Store as far hack IS 1889 If he could
have been at Teudy's Elbow all the
time to whisper Advice there would
have been no CElnce for the Admins
tratiOn to get Dalled up. But the
Trouble was TIT Mr.. Quinsy was out
at Peewee Jur1, ion n Teddy was up
at Washington and they could not get
together to fr@me up a Policy.
Mr. Quinsy was a man of Regular
Habits and cry Methodical. He had
so much to do every Day that he had
to work Dr. a close Schedule.
In the \ Drning, after his Wife had
arisen am started the Fire and put on
the Griddie, Mr.. Mordecai F.. Quinsy
would arse and take n few Observa-
tons of the Weather. He was a very
able PC-gnOsticator and one of his IA
vOrite stunts was to get up in the
Morning and do n little FOrecasting for
the benefit of his Wife and Daughter.
After Breakfast ne nut on his Over
coat and wrapped himself up in a Com
fOrter 81 as not to catch Cold and lose
the Use of his Voice. If Mordecai F.
Quinsy had lost the use of his Voice
this Country would have been in a Bad
Way.
Mr.. Quinsy knew a Druggist who
took a Daily Paper and so, the first
thing every Morning, he went to the
Drug Store to find out what Foul
Break had been made by Congress.
After reading the Paper, he sat by the
Stove and laid out some Work for the
Ways and Mean Committee.
After which he went down to the Sta
ton TO see Number Six go through.
After which he went up to the Post
Office to wait until the Mail had been
distributed. One day in 1889 Mordecai
Received a Seed Catalogue n after
that he was encouraged. While wait
ing for his Mail. Mr.. Quinsy said a few
plain Words about the Kaiser and stood
up for the Monroe Doctrine
About II o'clock every day Mr.. Quin-
sy acted as Referee in a Pool Game
and then went owe to the Barber Shop
TO look at the Illustrated Papers con-
tanning the Pictures of FoOtlight Fav-
orites and Noted Criminals. Mr..
Clumsy. being possessed of an Analyti-
cal Mind. was deeply interested in all
Murder Mysteries and for every Case
he had a few Theories of his own that
would have been a great help to the
Police.
Just at 70 o'clock Mr.. Quinsy went
home and ate a hearty Dinner, after
which he returned to Main Street.
smoking 4 Farm Hand Regalia and
gazing ~thoughtfully at the Ground.
trying to S~traighten out the Panama
Canal Business.
In the Afternoon he hung around the
!, Court House more or less because he
I played n good Game of Checkers. and
besides he liked to be on hand in case
the state needed the Services of an I'M
rrejUdICed Juror.
Mr.. Quinsy had a Weak Back which
prevented him from splitting Wood but
ne loved some >of Work and the
Honest Toll that suited him best was
to sit on a Jury in a Case involving
Assault and Battery
If there was nothing doing at the
Court House. Mr.. Quinsy usually went
TO Il Real Estate Office and grappled
with the Trust Problem. He had given
much Thought TO the Matter of legis-
latlng against infamous Combines and
he was on of the first to discover that
the Trusts We're trying 10 whipsaw the
Working Glasses.
About the time that he had solved
the Trust Problem. he had TO go over
and see the Afternoon Train go through
and Wait for his Ma once more.
Late in the Day he usually dropped
in at an Undertaker's Shop where a
Veterinary Surgeon and n retired Truck
Farmer were collaborating on a For
eign Policy for the State Department
Mr.. Quinsy was always able to slip in
4 few Suggestions. He was dead set
against the AnglO-SaXon Alliance and