davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times., 1903-09-06

consecutive words Of sense in that Ian
guage
For six weeks that phonograph was a
great comfort and boon companion TO
the professor. until one day two mo-
mentous occurrences happened. His
phonograph broke down and his aged
hOusekeeper broke up, or. In other
words. died. These twin ealamities
rudely awoke the scholar from his
reverie. He issued instructions in Chal-
dee TO have the phonograph buried and
the deceased housekeeper replaced,
both OF which charges were reIigiously
fulfilled (althouEh she understood no
ChaldeeJ by a niece Of the professors s
who came up from the country on hear
ing the news.
When Prof. Bloggett gazed upon the
new housekeeper his niece had thought
fully provided for him. he was irresisu-
bly, reminded Of something he had seen
somewhere before.
What is your ?" he asked.
Mrs. Gudge." responded the woman
with a slight foreign intonation. She
was about forty, very dark-skinned, and
OF rather Semitic aspect.
You are not English"
No; l was Eska Lameth, the daugh-
ter OF Nebuzar Lameth OF Bussorah
when my late husband. John Gudge
married ne"
"Of Bussorah," gasped the professor
Yes" responded the new housekeeper
simply
And what was your husband p
Second mate Of the Muscatelle il
the Persian gulf"
The professor gazed intently at The
woman as she left the room to resume
her household duties, and then he flew
Upstairs to one of his numerous cabinet!
and drew out large coin on which &
female profile was done in bas-relief. II
spite Of the great age. obscurity and de
Element of the medallion, IL was mar
vclous what a striking resemblance
there existed between the features OF
the ancient coin the original of which
had been moldiug In dust for matter
Of 1000 years at least. and the features
of the new housekeeper.
1T Is the true Chaldean type" muir
INJURED the professor, in an ecstasy; ant
for the remainder OF the day he gazeo
alternately on the bas-relief and the
housekeeper, forgetting all about th'
phonograph. which had been deposited
i'm the ashbin at his niece's request.
II Miss Jemima Bloggett. the profes
sor's niece, had imagined that she wa:
accomplishing wise stroke of policI
The Washington times., 1903-09-06

pay their respects to Prof. Bloggett
unless, indeed, It was in disembodied
and impalpable state. inasmuch as, ac-
cording to this informant. the Chaldeans
had been an extinct race for two thou
sand years. and as for Chaldea. it was
blotted from the map somewhere about
the time Of Alexander the Great.
The professor was known 10 have
means. even II he were not actually
rich. He had fine collection OF coins
and rare carvings. as well as a goodly
store Of consols and currency. the for
mer being ancient. the latter modern.
represented by three per cents and Bank
OF England notes. He lived quietly in
Bloomsbury for many years after he
came 10 London among his books his
manuscripts. his coins. and his Chaldean
relics. quite contented with the perfec-
tion he had achieved in his favorite
hobby. until one day. in an Oxford Street
window. his specialized eye alighted on a
phonograph. That ingenious instrument
was then new TO the world-yery few
lists. had ever examined It; 20 many Il
was little better than fable.
With one Of those sudden impulses
which were characteristic OF him the
professor entered the shop. and although
a very large sum was demanded for the
instrument. he gave the proprietor his
card with his Bloomsbury address pen
ciled thereon. and ordered his purchase
to be sent home.
That night the professor sat up until
dawn talking Chaldee into the re
ceiver" Of his phonograph. When he
had filled up a cylinder he-reinserted il
in the clamps turned the handle lis
tened with every nerve in his body
quivering with suspense. and-some-
times-the phonograph talked back
Not always; for in those early days OF
its development the records of the
talking machine were seven times and
often nine times out of ten imperfect.
But that seventh time, that ninth time,
when the phonograph really did talk
/ Chaldee. what consummate bliss for
Prof. BIoRgetti He had spent thirty
years Of his life acquiring the most diff
hcuIt Of ancient tongues, and talking II
To himself, and to others. and no one
for ages had ever answered him back,
II he wanted to hear Chaldee at all. he
would have 10 journey TO some foreign
university, for he had quarreled with
the professors at oxford and Cambridge
who, he averred. made an absurd pre-
tense Of knowing Chaldee. when. as a
matter Of fact, they could not speak ten
The Washington times., 1903-09-06

well. I don't have to mention that
Logs stirred things up considerably
around the Chanta Seechee and vicinity.
Gee, What diving into wannegans ami
fetching out of good clothes there
was. And trading of useful coats and
things for useless but decorating silk
handkerchiefs and things And what
hair cutting and whisker trimming!
"But Kyle was the man from the go
in. And it was right it should be so.
If ever two young people were born 10
make trouble for each other. it was
Kyle and Logs.
"A nice. decent fellow was Kyle.
Nothing remarkable, you could say. and
that was one of his best points. How
somever, he had a head that could do
plain thinking. pair OF shoulders that
discouraged friyoling and he was as
square a piece of furniture as ever came
out of a factory. More'n that; he had
quite a little education, saved his money,
never got more than good-natured load
ed and he could ride anything that had
four legs. from sawhorse to old tiger
Buck, who could kick both your feet
out OF the stirrups and reach around and
bite you in the small of the back so
quick that the boys would be pulling
his front hoofs out OF your frame be
begun. Nice horse. Buck. He liked to
eat Jonesy UP one morning before Silver
and me could get to the corral. Lord!
The sounds made my blood run cold.
Old Buck squealing like boar pig on a
wolf trap, and Jonesy yelling Help
Murder! Policel' Even that did not cure
Jones from sticking his nose where ii
wasn't wanted. Why once-but thunder!
1t would take me long while 10 tell you
all that happened to Jones.
lone thing that didn't hurt Kyle any
In the campaign was that he was most
/ as goodlooking for a man as she was
| for a woman They made pair to draw
/ TO. l tell you, Looping over the prairie
/ full of health and youngness! Loys was
so happy it made you feel like a boy
again to see her. She told me in private
that it was wonderful how the air out
here agreed with her. and said II
was considered mighty bracing. and
never let on that they proclaimed theil
state of mind every time they looked
at each other. I reckon old Smart
Aleck Jonesy was the only party in the
township who didn't understand
We'll, things went as smooth and easy
as bod-sledding until it came time fol
Loys to be moseying back 10 coueg,
again
Then Kyle took me into his conf
dence. I never was less astonished il
my whole life. and didn't tell him so
Well. what are you going to do about
it?" says l.
''He kind of groaned and shook hi.
head. I dunno says he DO yor
think she likes me. Red?' I felt like
saying. Well. If you ain't got all III,
traits but the long ears I miss my
The Washington times., 1903-09-06

through what tackle. Hurry. please.
father
Has anybody any objections TO
these proceedings says he.
i have says !. but I won't mention
en- Give them the verdict.
pronounce you man and wife. Let
US pray says he.
What's that?' screecbes Uncia
Jonesy from the doorway. And then he
gave us the queerest PRAYER Won ever
heard IN your life He stood on one toe
and elawed chunks out Of the air while
he delivered it.
He seemed to have II IN for me in
particular. You villain, You rascal,
You red-headed rascal, You did thisl
I know you did,
"'Oh. uncle says 1. forgive mel
With that hugged him right up To me
and he filled my bosom full Of smothered
language.
Cheese IL. you little cussi' I whis-
pered in his ear, 'or I'll break every rib
in your poor old chest.' 1 came in on
him trife just to show him what I
could do II tried.
Nuni' he wheezes. Quit. 'Nuh.'
Go up and congratulate EN-
whispered again.
L won't says he. Ouch! Yes.
Wills I wiII.' So up he goes. grinding
his teeth.
"T wish you every happiness. he
grunts.
Won't you forgive me. unele7 begs
Loys.
4" Some other time; some other tiue!'
he hollers, and he pranced out of the
house like hosstyle spider. the mad
dest little man in the territory.
'Loys had a hard time OF II until
Kyle got so he could travel and they
went up to the Yellowstone with a team
for a wedding trip.
The rest OF Logs folks we're In an
unpleasant frame OF mind. too. They
sent out her brother. and while I'd
have took almost anything from Loys'
brother, there comes a place where
human nature is human nature. and
the upshot OF IL was I planked ths:
young man gently but firmly across my
knees. Suffering Ikei But he was ons
sassy young man, Howsomever, the
whole outfit came round in time-all ex-
| cept uncle and me. He used to grit his
teeth together till the sparks few when
/ he saw me- I was afraid he'd burst a
blood vessel in one OF them fits, so I
quit. l hated to let go Of the old ranch.
/ but I'm pretty well ixed-Fm superin-
/ tendent here It's Kyle's ranch. you
know That's his brand-that queer
/ looking thing on the left hip OF that
/ critter. over the vented hash knife.
| Logs invention. that is. She says it's
a cherublim. but we call IT the flying
/ fapjack.' There's a right smart of beef
critters tOting that signal around this
part OF the country. KyIe's one OF the
| fellers that rises like setting OF bread
quiet and gentle. but steady and sure.
/ He's going 10 the State Legislature next
year. 'Twont do no harm to have one
/ honest man in the outfit.
Now, perhaps, If I'd married some
nice woman might have had 900 steers
! OF my own and a chance 10 make rules
and regulations for my felIer citizens
! and then, again, ! might have took to
/ gambling and drinking and raising
blazes, and broke my poor wife's broom
handle with my hard head. So 1 reckon
well let il slide as II is Now you
straddle that cayuse OF yours and come
along with me and I'll show you some
rattling colts"
The Washington times., 1903-09-06

guess but l made allowances and says
I. Well. about that. l don't think l
ought to say anything; still, If l had
only one eye left could see plain that
her education's finished. She don't want
any more college. that girl don't
Think not?' says he. bracing up.
And then. by and by. they went out for
a ride, for Jonesy was good to the girl,
I'll say that for him. He was willing
to do anything for her in reason. &C
cording to his views. But Kyle wasn't
in them views; he was out Of the pic
ture as far as husbands went
"They came back al sunset, when the
whole world was glowing red. the same
as they were. l reached for the field
glasses and took a squint at them There
was no harm in that. for they were we'll
behaved young folks. One look at their
faces was enough. There were three OF
us in the bull pen-Bob and Wind Riv-
er Smith and myself-'Boys,' says 1. un-
der my breath. they've made the rifle.
moi says they. and then everybody
had to take a pull at the glasses.
" Well. I'm glad says Smithy. And
darn my buttons if that old hardshell's S
voice didn't shake. They're two of as
nice kids as you'd find in many a weary
day. says he. and 1 wish 'em all the
luck in the world
" so do l. says /. and I really think
the best we could do for 'em would be
to shoot Jones'
&" Man! Won't he sizz!' says Bob. And
you can't blame us old codgers If We had
a laugh at that, although 1t was such a
powerful serious matter to the young
sters.
Lets go out and meet en- says L
And away We went. They weren't 6
particle surprised. l suppose they
/ thought the whole universe had stopped
to look on. We pump handled away
/ anu lduBuSu, anu LOs ohC AoNSASN MN
OF teary, and Kyle he looked red in the
/ face and proud and happy and ashamed
of himself, and we all felt Ioosened W
considerable. but I told him on the
quiet, Take that fool grin off your face
unless you want Uncle Jones to droI
| the moment he sees you.
Now. they only had three days lef
to get an action on them, as that was
the time set for Loys TO go back TO col
Iege.
Next day they held a council behinC
the big barn, and they called in Uncl,
! Red-otherwise known as Big Re-
Saunders. or Chanta Seechee Red. whicl
means 'Bad-heart Red in Sioux Ian
guage. and doesn't explain me by a durI
sight-to get the benefit of his valuabl
advice
Skip. says l. Fly for town an,
get married, and come back and tel
/ Jonesy about it. It's a pesky sigh
stronger argument to tell him what yor
have done than what you're going t,
do
They couldn't quite agree with that
They thought It was sneaky.
! d" SO it is says l. The first art O
The Washington times., 1903-09-06
:: THE STORY or * E[D4NRED CUPID By HENRY WALLACE n4!4n

some work to do would I be willingT
Now thanks be TO Him. | am willing.
and glad to find myself so. and do not
believe there's any more acceptable 10
Him than the union OF young folks who
love each other. OUGHT says he. as that
foot touched the ground. Perhaps you
better pick me up and carry me bodily
so l did IT. the housekeeper follow
ing us with an armful OF things and
jawing the both Of us-him for fool
and me for a villain She was strong
minded old lady. and / wish l could re-
member some OF her talk--it was great.
I'VE went around and got the doctor
"'Hool says he. rs it as bad as
that?' / winked at Father Slade-
It's plenty worse than that says
I; you won't know the half OF IL till
! you get down there
but. of course, we had TO tell him.
and he was tickled. Funny what an in
terest everybody takes in these happen
Ings He wanted all the details
BY Jove,' says he. the man whose
feelings amt the least dimmed by
broken leg-horse rolled on him, you
said? splintered II. probably-that man
is one OF the right sort He'll do to tie
to-
When we reached the ranch the boys
were lined up TO meet us. Hurry along
| they called. 'Angey can't keep uncle
amused all day
80 we hustled. Kyle was for being
married first and then having his leg
set, but put my foot down fiat II had
gone long enough now, and I wasn't go
ing TO have him crippling it all his life
But the doctor worked like a man who
gets paid by the piece and in less than
no time VIC were able to call Logs in.
Wind River Smith spoke 30 get tc
give the bride away. and We let him
have f..
WED tust got settled to business
when in come Angevine. putting like a
buffalo For heaven sakes. Amt you
finished YETI says he; well, you want
to be al #. for the old man amt over
two minutes behind me. coming fast.
took the distance in ten-foot steps. Just
my luck, Foot slipped when 1 was talk
ing 10 him. and I dropped a remark that
made him suspicious wouldn't have
done il for ton of money-but it's toe
late now. I'll down him and hold hin
ont there IL you say So
Well. sir, at this old Father Slade
stood right up. forgetting that foot en-
tireIy.
Children. be ready says he, and he
went over the line for record.
Hurry. there" hollered old Bot
from the outside, where he was or
watch; here comes uncle up the Ions
coulee.'
What are your names? says Fathe,
Slade. They told him. both red ming.
DO you. Kyle. take this woman
Loys, to have and keep track of, come
/ hell or high water. her heirs and as
signs for ever2'-or such a matter-sayi
he. all in one breath. They both saiC
they did.
Things flew till we came to the ring
There was a hitch We had plumb for
gotten that important article. For
minute l felt stingy; then l cussed my
self for a mean old long horn. and dive,
into my box.
3" Here. take this!' says. 1t was m!
mothers
oh. Red. You mustn't part witt
that cried Loys. her eyes filling up
| =" Don't waste time talking; 1 pu
The Washington times., 1903-09-06

him Father because it fitted him. His
church had a steeple on it, anyhow, so
it was no maverick. Just what particu
lar kind of religion the old man had |
don't know, but should say he was
homeopath on a guess. He looked IT.
Twas a comfort TO see him coming down
the street, his old face shining in his
white hair like shriveled pink apple In
snowdrift. God blessing everything in
sight-good. bad or Indifferent. He had
something pleasant TO say to all. We
was quite friends, and every once In a
while we'd have a chin about things.
Are you keeping straight. Red? he'd
ask when we parted.
'Um,' I'd say. I'm afraid you'd no
tice bend here and there II you slid
your eyes along the edge
We'll. keep as straight as you can {:
don't give up trying. my boy he'd tell
me. mighty earnest. and I'd feel ashamed
of myself clear around the corner.
Il knew the old man would do me n
favor II it could be done. so pulled out
easy in my mind.
First place. stopped at the Doctors.
because felt they might fix up tho
marrying business some other time, but
| if leg that's broke in the upper joint
amt set right you can see large. dark
Completed hunk of trouble over the
party's left shoulder for the rest of his
days. The doctor was out. so left word
for him wnat was wanted and to be
ready when / got back. and pulled for
Father Slade's. The old gentleman had
the rheumatism, and he groaned when
/ came in. Rheumatism's no disease for
people who can't swear.
How are you, my boy?' says he.
| I'm glad to see you. Here am /. an
old man. nipped by the leg. and much
wanting to talk to somebody
"I passed the time of day with him,
| but felt kind of blue This didn't look
! like keeping my word with the kids.
/ really hated to say anything to the old
man, knowing his disposition; still,
| felt had to. and 1 out with my story.
'Deari dear!' says he The hurry
and skurry of young folks! How idle IT
seems when you get fifty years away
I
counts. For all that. thank God, says
he. that there's a little left in my blood
/ yet. which makes me sympathize with
them. But the girls people object. you
say?'
Il made that all clear to him. The
| girls always all right, father, says l.
and as for the man in this case. my
word for him
Now II amt just the right thing for
me TO say. but seeing as I've never had
anything in particular to be modest
about and I'm proud OF what the old
gentleman told me. I'm going to repeat
| IL.
Your word is good for me, Red,
says he 'Yo6re a mischievous boy al
times. but your heart and your head are
both reliable; give me your arm TO the
wagon
"Then l felt mighty sorry to think OF
Juggling that poor old man all that
ways.
Here says 1 Now you sit down
again; don't you do anything OF the
sort you amt ft.'
He put his hand on my shoulder and
hobbled his weight of the game leg.
'Reddy. 1 was sitting there think
ing when you came in-thinking OF how
comfortable II was TO be in an easy
chair with my foot on a stool. and then
Il thought IF the Lord should send mt
The Washington times., 1903-09-06

war is understanding how to make a
grand sneak. Be gone. Put your marker
on the grand rattle. In other words,
take the first horse to town and get
married. Ten chances to one Jonesey
will have the laugh on you before the
year is out
L don't think you are bit nice to-
day, Red says Loys.
He's Jealous says Kyle.
That's what I am. young man, says
l. IF had ten years off my shoulders
and little OF the glow off my hair I'd
give you a run for your alley that would
leave you breathIess at the wind up.
4 think your hair is beautiful
color. Red says Logs. Many a wo-
man would like to have it
" OF course they would I answered.
But they don't get it. I'm foxy, I am.
Still / was touched in a tender spot.
That young woman knew just the right
thing to say. by nature. Well. what
are you young folks going to do?' |
asked them.
They decided that they'd think It
over until the next day, but that
turned out TO be too late; for what
must Kyle do but get chucked from his
horse and have his leg broke near the
hip. You don't want to take any love
affairs onto the back of a bad horse.
now you mark me! There was no such
thing as downing that boy when he
was in his right mind
Now here was a hurrahi Loys she
dasn't cry for fear Of uncle, and Kyle
he used the sinfullest language known
to the tongue of man. Twas the first
| time I'd ever heard him say anything
much. but he made IL clear that IL
wasn't because he couldn't
g" What will we do. Red? What will
we do?' says he.
g Now says I, don't bile over like
that. because it's bad for your leg
He cussed the leg.
Go on and tell me what we can
do says he
=" When you ask me that you've
pulled the right bell. says /, I'll tell
4 you exactly what well do. / go for the
doctor. Savvy? Well, bring back the
minister at the same time. Angevine be
loses the Jersey cow over in the cane
brake. and uncle and Angevine go hunt
ing her. for not even Loys is ace high
IA uncle's mind alongside that COW. The
[ rest is easy
Red. you're brick-youre the best
fellow alive says Kyle. nearly squeez-
ing the hand off me.
1--we tried TO conceal II all my life
but knew it would be discovered some
day. says /. Well. suppose I'd better
break the news 10 Loys-'twouldn't be
any more than polite
oh. Lord. wonder if she'll be
willing?' says he.
"She was willing all right-even anx
/ ious There's some wonderland men
too. for that matter-who go through
! life like a cat through back alley, no
caring cuss for either end or the mid
die. They would have been content u
wait Not so Loys. She wanted he
Kyle. her poor Kyle. and she wanted hin
quick.
Now. l had a preacher friend up il
town. Father Slade by name. No. h,
/ was not a Catholic, think They calle'
The Washington times., 1903-09-06

G(T row did I come to get myself
disliked down at the Chanta
Seechee? Well. I'll tell you"
said Reddy, the COW puncher. The play
came up like this. First. they made the
Chanta seechee into a stock company
then the stock company put all their
brains in one think. and says they,
Wen make this man Jones superin-
tendent and the ranch is all right at
once So out comes Jones from Boston,
Mass. and what he didn't know about
running a ranch was too much for one
man 10 carry around. He wasn't bad
hearted fellow in some ways. yet on the
whole he felt 1t was an honor to a look
ing glass TO have the pleasure of reflect
ing him.
well. the next thing after Jonesy got
established was that his niece must
come out during vacation and pay him
n visit. JerusaIem,' thinks I. 'Jonesy' S
niece!' I had visions of thin, yaller,
sour little piece. with mouse-colored
hair. plastered down on her head. and
an unkind word for everybody. We gave
three loud groans when We got the news
in the bull pen. And I cussed for ten
minutes straight, without repeating my
self once. when il so fell out that the
members of the board rolled out our way
the day the girl had 10 be sent for, and
Jonesy couldn't break loose. and your
uncle was elected TO take the blackboard
and drive twenty miles 10 the railroad.
well says l. I'll give that East
ern blossom an idea of the quality VI
this country. anyhow So I togs my
self up in the awfulest rig I could find
strapped two cartridge belts TO me
every hole filled. and gun in every
holster; put candle grease on my mus
tache and twisted the ends up to me
eye whiskers; stuck a knife in my hat
band and another In my boot; threw &
shotgun and a rife in the blackboard and
pulled out quick through the colt pen:
before Jonesy could get his peeps onto
me
We'll, sir, was Jared witless whe1
I laid my eyes on that young woman
She was all the things a man evol
wanted in this world rolled up in /;
prize package. Seems like the good Lore
was kind OF careless when he bull
Jonesy. but when he turned that girl ou
he played square with the family.
Il amt what you might call a mai
that's easily disturbed in his mind, bu
know I says to myself that first day
IF was ten years younger, young lady
they'd lug you back East again Gee
man. There was time when I'd hav
pulled the country up by the roots bu
I'd have had that girl I notice I don
fall in love so violent as the years rol
on. I can squint my eyes over the card
now and say. Yes, that's a beautiful
hand, but / reckon I'd better stay out,
and lay 'em down without a sigh; where
as. when l was a young feller. II
had three aces in sight I'd raise 1T
rest of the gathering right out of thei
foot leather or get caught at IL.