The San Francisco call., 1903-12-10
The Family Jar.
BY CHARLES FREDERIC GOss, ID
IAuthor Of The Dedemption OF David Corson,
The Loom Of Life etc.l

BY CHARLES FREDERIC Goss, DID.
IAuthor Of ..The Dedemption Of David Corson," "
The Loom Of Life, etc.l
Copyright. 1903. by Joseph b. Bowles)
The contact Of people, either in
masses o. coupiets, always generates
energy. That is why. in war, soldiers
march in battalions: in political cam
.paigns people assemble in mass meet
ings: in religious revivals they are
asked TO sit close together in the pews.
Touch elbows!" is the command is
sued 10 struggling armies in dark and
fearsOme nights. Each individual is
like an electric cell in a battery. By
some mysterious law their union is
multiplication instead of addition. Ten
men are always more than ten times
one man.
In the same way even two of the
cells become a battery and, alas.
sometimes battering rams. These
separate individual lives, like two
streams that have run quietly in their
own channels make a roaring mael-
strom when they unite. There is sud
den development Of power in this fric-
tiOnal contact of which neither they
nor their friends had ever dreamed.
What is to be done with this new
power? Power is always either bane-
ful or benefcent. destructive or ere
ative. This incessant friction, in which
sparks are forever flying - what shall
ITS mission be- 1 viii answer this
question on the assumption that this
friction is inevitable on account of
temperament - for if life proves any
thing at ALL it is that there are tenn
peraments that antagonize and irri-
tate each other by some mysterious
and perhaps unalterable necessity of
nature.
The thing to do with matrimonial
friction is to transform it to character
power The transformation of the
fierce energies Of heat and light, of
rushing winds and falling waters into
beneficial potencies is the great prob
lem OF modern science. It is accom-
plished by a thousand wonderful de-
vices. but not by any easy ones. 1t
took fmmeasu-able genius and illimit-
able conservation 10 discover and per
feet them. Welt is no easy thing to
transf0@n the friction of marriage life
into beauty and strength Of character.
but ii can be done.
10 quality in the soul is nober than
that Of self-control. and & is this quail
fly that the quiet endurance Of matri-
monial friction at last turns into. At
first the sudden surprises Of unknown
traits of character the differences OF
habit. Of opinion. of taste. excite and
irritate the young married couple Hot
words follow and quarrels develop.
There are tears Of bitterness and re-
gret. DAYS and perhaps weeks of
constraint and coldness ensue. But by
and by II begins TO dawn on the mind
Of ore or both that The other is also an
individual with all an individuals s
right TO his'or her personal identity,
Judgment and opinion. And a sacred
moment it is when that lesson is fully
and finally learned. Probably nine out
Of ten men expect TO absorb a woman's
personality into their own-and the re-
verse. We want that other will to be
submerged and swallowed up in ours.
Il is. madness, but il is human nature.
And so. when at last we see and feel
the clear right Of that other soul to its
taken.
A second step is taken when we final
lv determine TO endure in silence the
fncurable contradictions and opposi-
tions in the characters Of our husbands
and wives. We have learned that moth
ing but discord and strife follows the
attempt 10 bend their wills or alter
their temperaments to suit our own,
and we decide 70 take them as they are.
This involves self-reDression- 1t is a
hard way to be taught il, but the worst
education which teaches seif-repression
al the right time is better than the best
which teaches US everything else and
not that Our poor self-love can be
reconciled TO the sacrifice of everything
but itself. We are egotists, but each one
says Mine is not. egOtism, but con-
scious powerl' And when man at last
learns 70 hold his own self down and
keep il from aggressive assertion Of its
rights he has turned into the pathway
TO Paradise
Complete self-mastery in matrimonial
conflicts is a long and difficult acquisi-
tion Probably it is fully acquired in
the fewest possible cases. But in what
multitudes Of houses it IS developed to
such q point that daily life becomes
not only endUrable. but bfissful Mar
ried people learn that they can control
themselves IN the presence of each
other as wen as in the presence of
strangers or companions. IF I can
control myself before the meanest and
most aggravating boss in the world.
why can't I control myself in the pres
tnce OF my wife, Brown asks his
conscience. IF I can govern my re-
sentiment over the cooks peculiarities,
why can't I over those Of my hus-
band?o Mrs. Jones inquiries Of her soul
And sO--the friction grows less and
less Fewer sparks fly. The teeth of
the cogwlleels play together more
smoothly and quietly. The old energy
OF conflict and contradiction has passed
into self-contr0l and fine nd noble
character is the resultant. 1t may seem