The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1903-10-23
A COLONEL FROM
CONNECTICUT
Copyright. 1903. by c. b. Lewis.l


Interlaken, Switzerland. and there was
no installing his nationality He not
only looked American, but he spelled
Connecticut I'm every movement. He
was as much of n downright Yankee az
the man who invented wooden nut.
megs. and he had all the innocence and
righteousness of the chap who sold the
first dozen TO confiding housewives.
Ever since landing in London the
colonel had been telling fish story. Ii
was the same old story over and over.
| and he told it from five to twenty
times day, according to circumstances.
He told ii 10 men of all nationalities. II
made no difference whether his listener
could speak English or not He told IL
In hotel reading rooms, at the table.
on the train, on the boat, on the We
randa.
Everybody thought him liar, and 1t
was singular that the European public
stood il so long, but it was only after
he reached Interlaken and had repeat
ed his story for the twentieth time in
two days that an Englishman who had
bumped mp against him at several re-
sorts made up his mind that the thing
had gone far enough.
He took half Il dozen other tourists
into his confidence, and as a result a
certain Frenchman who was stopping
at another resort was sent for The
news went around that NJ. dArtagen
/ the famous dueliSt was TO arrive. He
had killed seven different men OH the
! field of honor. He was n man who
hated liar and never .hesitated to in
terrupt a man telling a tall story. Care
was taken that Colonel Perkins should
! be thoroughly informed. and as gently
as possible he was advised To hold on
| TO his fish story during the duelists
stay. His answer was:
THAT story ought to interest him.
but If he don't want to hear ii he
needn't. I'm not forcing it on any
body"
| D'Artagen arrived on a certain even
ing and had been previously coached
as TO the part he was TO play. Colonel
! Perkins was introduced TO him as soon
as possible, and he spent about two
minutes sizing the duelist up. Then he
observed:
General, if you have come here to
fish you'll be disappointed. You can't
! get a bite once a week. If you want
! fishing as is fishing you'll 20 TO the
] United States. Lord, but what fishing
! I've had in the Connecticut river! Just
! 10 give you an idea Of how the shad
bite there in April I'll tell you what /
did one day. | went out by myself and
caught 1900 shad in ten hours with
| hook and line, and | must have had all
OF 10000 bites that didn't hook the fish.
1t took a span Of big horses TO draw
my catch home. That's what you call
! fishing, though my record don't begin
with some others
That was the old. old story. The fig
ures had not been decreased to $4,000
nor raised &c, 10000. The fish had new
er been named as suckers or mullet.
but always as shad. People had been
obliged TO swallow the story, tails and
all, or call the colonel liar, and they
had swallowed and moved on. But the
colonel's time had come at last. When
! he had finished his story the duelist
observed:
"Sir, | have the great honor of call
ing you a liar"'
"A liar. Good lands, but what for?'
exclaimed Perkins.
Had you caught one fish per minute
you could have caught only 600 in ten
hours. 1t was utterly impossible. Ten
men could not have done ii. You took
me for a fool and lied TO me-
But did you ever fish in the Con-
necticut riverT'
Never"
Did you ever fish for shad?"
Never
Then why call me a liar? Bring a
notary public here and I'll make affida-
Wit TO what | said. / fished for ten
hours and the fish numbered
"Slr, you insult mew exclaimed the
! duelist as he arose.
"Shoow
And he who insults me must fight.
! There is my card. Have you friend
here? Let us fight at sunrise"
by gum. but what a peppery man.
said the colonel as the other withdrew.
| well. If he wants TO fight | suppose
! I'll have to accommodate him. Indeed,
I've got TO fight because he didn't be-
lieve my story. l never tell story that
l amt willing TO back up. Will one OF
you fellers act as my second in the at
fairi'
The Englishman volunteered, but the
conspiracy didn't call for a duel. The
idea was to scare Colonel Israel Alex
ander Perkins back to his Connecticut
river and its shad. He was told that he
would be killed, no matter what the
weapons, and was advised 10 call for
his bill and seek a change of climate.
Not only one man advised him thus,
but half dozen. but each and every
one received the same reply:
Sorry. sir. but | can't do ii. The
state OF Connecticut would never for
give me. and | could never hope to
catch another shad. The duel must 60
on. Under the circumstances | couldn't
even accept an apology from the
| Frenchman."
| Il, a.,