davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The semi-weekly messenger. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1897-1908, 1903-01-27
MR.. DOOLEY ON THE
CARNEGIE LIBRARIES.
BY F. p. DUNNE.

ised' poverty an crime has been abol-
ished in tn place, tn janitor " III
builGin' bein' honest an well-pail.'
Isn't it good fr li~thrachoor. say
ye? Sure, l think not. Hinnisey
LiDries niver encouraged l~ithracno7
amy more thin tombstones encoucIg@
livin'. No wan liver wrote %annythin-
because he was toll hat a hundher|
years firm now his books might Le
taken down firm a shelf in a granite
sepulcher an some wan Wud wife
Good or This man is crazy in III
margin. What li~thrachoor needs is
film food. If Andrew wud put a
kitchen in tn libries an build some
hunks or aven swing a few hammccnS
where Twin authors cud crawl IN "a,
night an sleep while waitin' fr thi
enlightened nation to wake up an di~
cover tn Shakesperes now on tn turf
he wud be givin' a ale boost to lithrI
chOOr. With tn smoke curlin' fr'n
tn chimbley an hundherds iv pote
settin' aroun a table loaded down with
pancakes a n'talkin' pothry an priZ
fghtin', with hundherds ~ othar rotn
stacked up nately in tn sleepin' rooms
an snOrin' in wan gran chorus, Wit.
their wives hOldin' down good-payin'
Jobs as libraryans or cooks an .heir
happy little childher playin' through
tn marble c~orrydors, Andrew Car
maggie Wud not have lived N vain.
Maybe that's tn on'y way he knows
how to live. l Ion believe in ltbciae
They pauperize li~thrachoor. Tn fl
helpin' tn boys that's now on n SOB.
[ know a pOte in Halsted sthreat that
wanst wrote a pome beginnin'. AL
tn wealth iv Ind that he sold TO a
magazine FIR two dollars payable Gil
p~ublycatiOn. LithrachOor don't neeC
~adVancin'. What it needs is advances
fr tn lithrachoors. Ye can't shake
down posterity FIR tn price.
A tn same. I like Andrew Car
maggie. Him an me ARE agreed on
that point. I like him because ne amt
Shamed to give publicly. Ye don't fine
him putin on false whiskers an
turnin' up his coat collar whin lie goae
out to be BENEVOLENT. No. sir. IvrH
time he dhrOps a dollar, it makes q
noise like a waiter fallin' down stairs
with a tray iv dishes. He's givin' tn
way we'd like to give. l niVer put
anything in tn poor box but : wuC
if Father Kelly wud rig it up like wan
iV thin slot machines so that win
u in a nickel me name wud appol
over tn altar in red letthers. But " hin
l.. but see hat tn burglar alarm ie
about two yards an hurI it 20 nard
that tn good nan turns aroun to see
who done it. Do COOS be stealth. says
[. but see that tn burglar alarm IT
set. Amy bepivolent money I Eind
out, I want to talk about me. Him
that giveth to tn poor. they say, lind
eth to tn Lord. but in these days, we
look FIR quick raYturns on our !nvist-
minis. like Andrew Carnaygie an.
~ he says. he puts his whole soul into
tn wurruk."
whats he name be that?" asked
Mr.. HenneSy.
He names" said Mr.. Dooley. that
he's gin'rous. Ivry time he gives a
libry. he gives himself away in a
speech"
The semi-weekly messenger. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1897-1908, 1903-01-27
ERNEST sEro1-THuMPsON.
Author OF ..W1Id Animals 4 Have
knwOn," to Speak at the Normal.
Wreck on Southern.
Especial to The MesSPnger.)

Greensboro. n. c.. anuary 20.-The
State Normal and Industrial College
has arranged to have Mr.. Ernest Seton
Thompson, a noted naturalist and au-
thor of wild Animals l Have Known"
and other books. give a lecture on
wild animals illustrated by magic
lantern pictures on the evening of
February 10th.
DIR. J. w. Petty, secretary of the
North Carolina Veterinary Medical
Association, went to Raleigh today to
attend a meeting of that body Which
will ask the Legislature for a charter,
this request being the third one made.
Petitions are bling circulated here
asking for the Guilford representative
in the general assembly to work for
the passage of the London bill for the
control of the sale and manufacture
of Whiskey in this state.
The Southern had q wreck Sunday
night at ThomaSVille and it came near
being Il serious one. No. 81, a VeSti-
bule train. ran into an open switch at
ThomasVille. 1t had slowed down to
drop off a passenger. Had this not
been the case there would have been
serious damage and probably loss of
life as several heavily loaded cars
were standing on the siding into which
the passenger train ram
The semi-weekly messenger. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1897-1908, 1903-01-27
Late Captain G. r. benson.

In the death Of Captain c. II. Den
son the state has suffered the loss Of
a patriot, a soldier, a scholar AMI a
noble Christian citizen. He has given
his talents ans his best efforts to The
service Of the state. He was kennly
alive to every good work. Nothing Iay
closer to his heart than saving the
boys Of North Carolina ard for wears
he has struggled for the establishment
of a re~forInatOry. Captain benson vas
a man of exalted literary gifts. Many
of his oratiOns were most notable.
Only a few years ago President Charles
f. Taylor, of Wake Forest. referred
to him as perhaps the greatest living
orator in the state. For the COnfe1-
crate soldier Captain benson had an
unsurpassed love. He has sacrificed
time. money and health to alneliorat-
ing the condition of the veterans. The
people of North Carolina may all
mourn at the bier of this wise, good,
noble citizen who has gone to the re-
ward promised the pure In neart.-
Raleigh Times.
The semi-weekly messenger. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1897-1908, 1903-01-27
Some Expensive Fences.

EXciusiveness is frequently costly
even when the wealthy attempt it
without spending any more money
than they are compelled to do. In
the building OF a country house, today
the Importance OF being shut off from
the rest OF the world is one OF The INST
requisites considered. and recent fash
ions all tend to make the fence . no
table part of every new estate. y
New York architect recently surround
I'd a ountr nome near Philadelphia
with an iron fence that cost SIS, go.
And it was by no means the most en-
pensive that his firm had supplied.
w. X. Vanderbilt. Jr., a just be
gun 10 surround his estate on Long
Island with a fence that is quite un-
p~retentious in comparison with some
others that have recently been u UD
in that neighborhood. But he will pay
$50, 900 for it. Possibly eXClusivanesS
is not altogether the object Of these
costly mean of protection against The
world. They serve just as important
a purpose in keeping in confinement
the valuable game usually confined
there.-New York Sun.
The semi-weekly messenger. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1897-1908, 1903-01-27
THE WILSON POS1MASTERSHIP
1t VIII he Decided Early Next week
Who Is to be Appointed.

Washington, January 16.-At the
cabinet meeting today, Postmaster
General Payne took up with the presi-
dent some cases relating to the aD-
pointment of Dostmasters, but no an
nouncement of probable appointments
were made. tt is understood that it
will be determined early next week
whether Samuel H. Wick. the cOlOred
postmaster at Wilson. N. c.. will be re-
appointed. The case has attracted
wide attention.
No developments were reported in
the Indanola Dostofice case except
that il has been decided to jarlin- the
request of the citizens of Irdi@roia that
their mail be sent to H~eathman instead
of Greenville, OF account of the limited
facilities OF the Heathman office.
The semi-weekly messenger. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1897-1908, 1903-01-27

plosive shell of my own invention and
will be tested by the government in
side of a fortnight. We will say the
situation is this: An eneIly's feet is
ITO Texas with an enemy's feetrr
interrupted the man as he flung his
arms around. Il want the cash for
this bill-two and a half-and your
hocus pocus don't go"
"An enemy's feet is approaching our
shores with hostile intent" unused the
major as he looked up at the ceiling.
1T has arrived within q distance of
twenty-eight miles and Is slowly
creeping in-siX vessels in ~line-when
the Crofoot cannon is fired. and the
CrOfOot shell goes whiZzing through
the air. Five seconds later it falls
among the feet. There is q terrific eX-
pioSiOn. followed by shrieks and groans
of despair, and six shattered men-of-
war. each manned with $50 men, slow
ly disappear in the depths Of the At
lantic, to be heard of never again. Not
a Ship-nOt Il landscapes. My friend.
my conscience almost upbraids me for
having invented such a thing"
And you want me to 30 into it. of
course?' sarcasticaily queried the col
lector.
The position Of secretary of the
Crofoot varship exterminatOr has not
been filed yet, and as the salary is
I $4,000 per year and you are 4 trusty
man
Look here, old man." said the col
lec.or as the major paused. Il have
come for cash. I'll either have it or
give you such a lambasting that you'll
be in bed for a week. Don't hold me
here five minutes longer. or I'll break
loose"
There was a time. and mo- so very
! long ago. when l was hard up. l found
! it hard work to even pay My laundry
bills. Certain people. and you are one
of them. stood by me and had faith in
my promises"
Never, | always took you for a
deadbeat. Don't spring any CUFF of
that sort on me"
"And il is such men / would like to
reward now that my sun of prosperity
has riSen." continued the major in
ever tones. You may not know any
thing about explosives. but you can
learn, and under the circumstances"-
do you pay, o. don't you?' shouted
| the collector as he seized the majors
coat collar. i.
my dear boy. 1t vas settled long ago
The semi-weekly messenger. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1897-1908, 1903-01-27
Scratched Henry's Face.

Some recent visitor to Hampton
Court has de- ~iberately scratched the
face OF Henry VIII, as represented in
the family group traditionallv ascIibe5
to HOlbein. The act. of course, was
That of some kind of monomaniac.
The theory of one of the guardians of
the palace, as reported in the l. mon
Daily News, is amusing, though one
may doubt that the DETACHMENT is a
tardy act of r~etribution by a member
of the anti-d vorce league. Says the
representative of The News:
We'll, the man who scratched tn
face OF Henry WILL" sad l, must pre-
sumably ave been intoxicated, or hat
witted."
Mani" he echoed. with a significant
emphasis. But what # was to sug
gest to you that it wasn't a man?"
Not a man? Well. then. a child?"
NO, nor yet a child"
What" l cried, as the memory of
one of Edgar Allen POe's stories recurr-
ed to me, you sure Y can't-you DOM
really mean to suggest that it was a.
ape?"
No, and not an ape" chuckled the
old man. much enjoying my amaze
menU.
Then, in the name of al that's mvs-
FERROUS, whom, or what do o sus-
pect?"
a woman" he solemrly answered,
wagging a wise forefinger in my aston
ished face.
"A woman!" I exclaimed. But why?'
"Ah," said he slowly shaking his
head. ITO you and me what Henry
VIII did may not seem a matter t.
bother about now. It's past and don7
with. any way, and W. wouldn't think
to bear any p rsonal malice. But wo-
men-weIl. s.r, they're made differ nj
to men: They don't forg t. You TAX
it from me. sir-the scratching o.
Henry Wits face was the work OF a
woman"
The semi-weekly messenger. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1897-1908, 1903-01-27
No Monkey Ranch There.

During the last campaign." said
Senator Heitfeld. II spoke all over Ida
no. One day. up in the northern part
Of the state. a wheel came off the bug
gy in which | a riding. l walked
along the road a piece until l came to
a rancher's house. The only person l
could find was a big. shock headed
Swede.
My friend l said. can you tell me
where | can find Il monkey wrench?
"He looked at me blankly for a min
ute and then said:
mo; this har ben a sheep ranch an
over thar ben a cattle ranch. | don't
know where thar's q monkey ranch! I"
New York World.
The semi-weekly messenger. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1897-1908, 1903-01-27

. THE GRAND ::
PROEiOTER :;
~ -.
=. He Pays a Debt, but Can't Make -.
=. Out How He Came To =.
- *;
81 q: q: .: q: =. z. Z: ::
=

copyright. 1902. by Charles Austin.l
"a RAJOR CROFOOT had been
lNl s sn 5sot to on "a e ;bs p 5Ss half of
raising long tailed oxen and
establishing soup factories all over the
world when he opened the door to Il
the man out and found another ready
to step in. 1t was a man with a bill
for $3.50 for Il hat.
II have come to see II you intend TO
pay this BILL" said the collector as be
stepped inside the room and set his
jaw.
"a bill. and against me?" queried the
major in n surprised voice. My dear
man., but there must be some mistake
there surely must"
1T is for q hat, and the account has
been running for two years."
"A hat? All, is 1t possible that !
bought a hat two years ago and didn't
pay for it,"
1T is not only possible, but it's a
cold fact" replied the collector. Il
have worn out a pair Of shoes hunting
you, and now l want to know what
you are going to do about it. Under
stand right off the reel that you ant
bamboozle me. I'm ON to all your little
tricl.S."
You seem to be laboring under con-
siderable mental excitement" calmly
answered the major as he walked
about, and therefore l shall overlook
your somewhat insulting remarks. My
friend. | can pay $1,000 for 81 as fast
as any old debts come in."
Then pay the face value Of this one.
You have slirked it long enough"
Exactly. 1t shall be paid. Will you
have cash CT Il check?"
The cash. Your check wouldn't be
worth the ink 1t was written with. Two
and a half, please"
You shall have it, and I trust you
will later on render me full and ample
apology for your words. Meanwhile
let me ask you if you know anything
about eXp~losives?"
Il know when I'm blown up or when
| blow some one else up. What's eX-
ploSives got to do with this old debt!'
"A good deal. indirectly. perhaps.
You haven't heard of the Crofoot var
ship eXterminator because it's existence
has not yet been made public and
won't be for ten days yet. 1t is an ex,
The semi-weekly messenger. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1897-1908, 1903-01-27

that would pay. l will at once write
you out a check for twice the amount,
and l hope
81 wan 10 checks"
Then you shall have the ready cash.
If you took the position Of secretary. l
should ct you to report within a
week. G. you do 500"
I'm right here this minute. Cough
ND that two and a half"
IF the position and salary Of secre-
tary are not to your liking. then I
would suggest began the major. but
he never finished the sentence. The
collector grabbed him and backed him
up against the wall and "chugged'
him three or four times and saN:
Now. by the beard Of Joshua's goat.
you produce that money. or | won't
with it,"
81 owe you two and a half" said the
major as his right hand went down to
his pocket.
"You do"
"And-and here it is. That is to
say
That was to say that he pulled out
only a dollar. but the collector
''chugged' him again. and a dollar and
a half was added. The bill was re-
ceipted and left on the desk, and as the
man went out he said:
That's all today. and l hope you'll
enjoy the novel sensation"
But the major didn't. He sat down
and got up. and be walked to and fro
and stood still. but he seemed to be in
the midst of wheels going round. Il
owed two and a half" he unused. 1T
was an old debt for an Old hat. | have
been ass enough to pay 1t. and the man
has departed with the money. How
did | come to? What has happened?
What's wrong with me !"
And two other creditors at the door,
who had found it locked. heard the
major pacing to and fro and talking to
himself, and they wondered whether it
would be Il case Of suicide or one for q
lunatic asylum. NJ. QUAD.
The semi-weekly messenger. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1897-1908, 1903-01-27
How 1t May Be Done,

"Do you think that it is really posi-
BILE to support Il family on $40 a week"
said the woman with a worried look in
her eye.
Certainly" answered the business
like friend. The experiment may be
made quite remunerative if me only
has the knack of writing magazine ar
ticles about it."-Washington Star.
The semi-weekly messenger. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1897-1908, 1903-01-27

he will be the cynosure of all eyeA
Appoint him, Mr.. President, and 4
guarantee that you will carry Rodgers
alley, overwhelmingly at the next cleo
tion.'"
Good" commented the president
'howing his teeth again. "De-lighted
With your endorsements, Mr.. Sees
wax"
Thank you. Mr.. President; 1t tickles
the fourteenth amendment of my con-
stltutlon to hear you say that. This
letter I have in hand is signed hy CAL
noun Street. a prominent colored citf-
zen of Huckleberry row. He says: In
promulgating this e~soteric communi-
cation I do so at the solicitation OF
my esteemed brother. Mr.. Nathan
BeeswaX. AS a representative OF QUE
race he is par excellence. as We say
in our set. Huckleberry row is proud
of him and it will go solidly for you
at the next election if you smile with
kindly appreciation on his application
Il took the ~precaution also. Mr..
President, in order to allay any fears
you might have, to secure the follow
ing statement from an eminent scien-
fist, who says: L have carefully an
alyzed Mr.. Nathan Beeswax and un-
hesitatingly testify that he Ia war
ranted fast black
In addition to these documents, Mr..
President. l nave teStlrnOnfalS ana let
tiers of endorsement from Rastus
oirnson. Brother Dickey. Old Black
Toe, Guido Jackson, Sambo Green. Cuff
fly Jones and other colored celebrities"
Very we'll, Mr.. BeeswaX, said the
president, springing to his feet 4
may say TO you that o have every
-eason to feel encouraged. | make TO
promises. but the door of hope is open
and you have mad a most excellent
showing. Can you call to see me to-
morrow at l o'clock? Very we'll: L
shall expect YOU"
"Cortelyou." he called. lis there any
one else waiting to see me?"
Yes, sir" replied the secretary;
Uncle Remus has sent up his card
md Senator Blank desires to talk to
you"
Good" exclaimed the president Il
will see Uncle Remus. Tell nat
Blank ] am engaged. Good-day. Ar.
Beeswax: don't forget you have an ap-
pointInent with me tomorrow"
And as Mr. Beeswax strobe ponlp-
ously down the grand stairway h
Marine band played:
The semi-weekly messenger. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1897-1908, 1903-01-27
Something, but Not Snow.

oh. you who will not shovel off
The snow that's on your walk,
IT'S o TO whom. a little while,
I'd hand a line of talk.
The place where. after their demise,
Such lazy men all go
There'll be some ~shoveling to do,
But not. alas. of snow.
Baltimore American.
The semi-weekly messenger. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1897-1908, 1903-01-27
1t Annoyed Her.

eyes. the widow is perplexed."
GLOW is that?"
"She doesn't know whether it means
that her husband was a good man or
she is q vixen"
81 don't understand"
"When be died, the papers said that
he had gone to a happier home."-
Brooklyn Eagle.
The semi-weekly messenger. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1897-1908, 1903-01-27
Easy o. Him.

81 don't see" she said, how you can
pursue a train Of thought here in all
this noise"
"Oh, | am an old commuter." he re-
piled. land pursuing trains has become
second nature to me."-Chicago Rec
ord-Herald.
The semi-weekly messenger. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1897-1908, 1903-01-27
Slow Boy.

Ascum-And what profession Is your
son to follow?
Pater-I don't know yet, but that's
about all he'll do, | guess.
Ascum-What? How do you mean?
Pater-He'll follow some profession.
he never seems able to catch up to
NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. Press.
The semi-weekly messenger. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1897-1908, 1903-01-27
Her Cruel Mother.

Ella-Mother doesn't want me to mar
~.
Stella-Does she say so?
Ella-No, but she tells everybody that
at my age she looked just as l do now.
Town Topics.
The semi-weekly messenger. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1897-1908, 1903-01-27
IN THE HOUSE OF HIS FRIENJ.

Mr.. Nathan Beeswax Seeks Federal
Ofiice-HavinS Used Burnt Cork
moniaIs from Leading Citizens of
His Adopted Race he Calls Upon
President Roosevelt and Urges His
Claims as a Candidate for the Col
lectOrship of Charleston.
The semi-weekly messenger. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1897-1908, 1903-01-27
Benson Bank Blown Open.
(Special to The Messenger1

Fayetteville, n. c., aJnuary 22.-The
Benson bank was blown open his
morning by three men,, who took
fright and were run to the water tank
near town. Bloodhounds are on their
track.
The semi-weekly messenger. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1897-1908, 1903-01-27
SCRu uLA

Is an hereditary disease, and one for
Which a tainted ancestry or blood poison
ed parentage is responsible. 1t is trans
mitted through the blood and shows
itself in swelling and liberation of the
glands of the neck, cata~rh of the head,
weak eyes, Sores, Assesses and skin erup-
lions, with a gradual wasting away of
strength and vitality. It also attacks the
bones and joints, resulting in white swell
ling, hip disease and deformities of every
kind. We see the effects of this awful
blood faint every day, but it exists in so
many forms that often it passes for some
thing else and IS treated as anotherdisease.
Scrofula robs the blood of its nutri,ive
qualities, and it becomes too poor to pro-
luce healthy growth
and development, and hS Ulr
thin. emaciated bodies or
and pallid, waxy COM UT n
ple> IONS are the result. TAINTED
Only a constitutional iT''s'-O
remedy, one tina works ANCESTRY
through the blood, can
reach a disease flat has been transmitted
through generations OF been lurking in
the blood si2ca birth.
s. s. s. cican%es the blood OF all scrofu-
lous matter and tubercular deposits, and
when rich pure. Notwithstanding blood
is again flowing in the veins there is a
gradual disappearance of all the danger
Gus symptoms Of Scrofula; strength
returns, ard g complete cure Is effected.
S. S. S. contains no strong minerals to
further break down and derange the sys-
tenn, but can be taken by the very old, as
well as the middle
Go E3a& go aged and young, with
L. ont any har1nfulafter
~ ~ -, effects, or the least
Aay EesN Ra@4y injury to the most
delicate constitution.
If you have any signs of S~crofula, OF
your children are stunted or slow Of
growth, pale and sickly, write US, and our
physicians will advise you free of charge.
The Swift Specific Co., atlanta, Ga.
The semi-weekly messenger. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1897-1908, 1903-01-27

~ Il G 60
,.,s 1Fha hind Yoa iI2Ta ilEayS 4 ge'n
!, .a,a H. GT--E
The semi-weekly messenger. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1897-1908, 1903-01-27

Eisitor-I s'pose when the elephant is
disobedient you stick that hook into
him?
k~eeper-Oh. no. We just put up the
tign. Don't feed the elephant pea
iuts."-Chicago News.
The semi-weekly messenger. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1897-1908, 1903-01-27

Coon, COON, COON oh
l wish my color woul changer"
Mr.. Beeswax devoted the rest Of the
lay TO replenishing his stock Of burnt
.Ork-Chnr1neton News and Courier.
The semi-weekly messenger. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1897-1908, 1903-01-27

duce healthy growth
and development. and
thin. emacialed bodies
and pallid, waxy COM
pie ions are the result.
Only a constitutional
remedy, one that works
through the blood, can
Tonopah bonanza. [volume] (Butler City [i.e. Butler], Nev.) 1901-1909, 1903-10-31

ceased was with him during his last
illness.
Tonopah bonanza. [volume] (Butler City [i.e. Butler], Nev.) 1901-1909, 1903-10-31
SURVEY OF TONOPAH ROAD
APPROACHING COMPLETION
Ties Have Been Rails Negotiated
dent Brock of the Tonopah Company Be Here Today

That of the
tiles of the will soon be apparent in all quarters
the Paul Egh the who has the roads
Trip urg reaching
Egeha he
to
crossing a o he could expected.
large been purchased Mr.
to
in
John W. president Berger consulting
They will Immediately consultation with Mes
Trip possible
hasten the completo O the
Tonopah bonanza. [volume] (Butler City [i.e. Butler], Nev.) 1901-1909, 1903-10-31
Held for Trial.

The grand jury has indicted, for
completely in the murder Of G Chong
Bing Long, A. M. Arandall, 0. NJ.
Jackson, William Lang, A. M. Brad
shaw, Edward Schillingberger and
Al Wilson. These men will all be held
for trial at the December term OF
court. o. NJ. Jackson had been re
leased on bond, but was re-arrested
here yesterday and none Of the men
will be allowed bail. Schillingberger
was released by Judge Lindsay, and
as soon as the grand jury had found
a true bill against him, Sheriff Cush-
inc started to Tonopah to re-arrest
him. Schillenberger had gone, al,
though it is not known where and
the sheriff drove to Sodaville in pur-
suit. His arrest has not yet been
reported.