Waterbury evening Democrat., 1903-11-16
Nautical Mir. BOWSer
He Might Have Become Sailor but For Mrs B.s Ridi. cue of the Project Knew Nothing of Ships Invited to Make One of Yachting Party. He Proceeds to Buy a Cap and a Telescope ~& @ & ~R

she Knows thing or two about salt water. At MT. Bowser's reply she fell over as if dead, and Mrs. Bowser made such an effort to preserve her serenity of countenanee that her hair curled.
 ''The main sheet, MT. Bowser," she said when she could control her voice, ''is the rope used to haul in or let out the main boom on board of any vessel, no matter what her rig"
 What! What! What!' he howled as he jumped up and waved the teIe- scope in the air. Woman, this is something unendurable! You seem to take me for a first class fool!'
 Mot at all. You have simply got the nautical fad, while you don't know anything about nautical matters. For instance, what head sails does the or dinary ship carry?'
 And you ask me that you who know more about dishpans and fiat irons than shipsv' he gasped.
 'sYes, I ask, and I should like an an swer."
 "They carry a digger jib, of course. Perhaps you will deny it and say they carry a tablecloth instead.''
 '"The head sails of the average sail ing ship, MT. Bowser, are staysail, jib and flying jib, but on a full rigged craft they carry an outer jib as well. Let us turn to the dictionary again and see if I am right
 Turn to nothing! Woman, what do you mean by such conduct? Do you wish to drive me from the house to- night to get drunk at saloonY
 "Of course not.'' .~'
 MT. Bowser started to glare again, but the look became a soft, oily smile as he thought of something, and min ute later he asked: "Just answer me a question, please, How many masts has schooner gotT'
 '"The ordinary schooner has only two, the same as brig, but they have talk en to building them with three, four, five and even six masts. The rig of an ordinary schooner, if you wish to know, consists of foresail, mainsail, fore gaff, main gaff, a stazsail and two jibs."
 ''Is that all?'
 "That's all.''
 "Then that shows all you know about it. Where does the foreroyal skysail come in, the principal sail on the ship?" .
 ''There is no such sail known on any ship of any rig, MT. Bowser. There are foreroyals and skysails, but they are separate sails Shall we turn to the dictionaryF .,. The commodore wanted to spring to his feet and shout through his trumpet fo I1YN hn O sf by the roots and cast the cooks gal ley overheard, but he cast two anchors to windward and held himself fast for 1 a moment while he asked: Mrs Know It All, perhaps you can tell me what a scuttle butt is ?''e 'a~' "I can," readily replied Mrs. Bow ser. 'It is a barrel lashed on deck 1 and containing fresh water for the use of the crew. I may tell you at the same time that harness cask is bar- rel or cask containing meat to be cook ed as wanted" "And-and bulkhead?'' "Any partition on shiphoard is call ed bulkhead, whether ins the cabin or l hold. Now let me ask you what the l ratlines ~areT'
  that anything that rattled' around on board ship was a ratline, but he had come to realize that he WAS a beaten 1 man, and his dignity could be saved only in one way. Lord Nelson never l took a more heroic resolve. He c1ew-' l ed up his main topsail, close reefed 1 his fore, and after hauling his jibs to windward and sllivering his foresan he rose up and said:
 Woman" you have seen fit to try to make fool of your husband, and this little performance will now come | to an end"
 compass?' she asked.
 'No, ma'am, I don't. don't know a yacht from a starch box nor full rigged ship from a henhouse. All I 1 know is-is''- 1 And the man of the salty sea and the dashing spray and the ocean roar banged his telescope down on the floor and banged his jaunty yachting cap down after it, and then he jumped up and down on them and cried out ''Ha, ha! Aye, aye!' in such deep sea tones that the cat was swept to leeward and Mrs. Bowser was drowned in her state room.
 "Now, then," he said as the ship got through rolling and came back to an even keel, ''you have driven me from my home, and you have driven me to 1 get drunk, and you take the conse- 1 quences and make the best of them" 1 Then he rolled down the hall, clap ped on his sou'wester and made all sail for the street, and the last Mrs. Bowser and the cat saw of him for the next three hours he was scudding be- fore typhoon with both his masts gone and the bos'n calling for ice cream and raw clans. M. QUAD.
 Bad Condition of Siberian Railroad.
 A Russian traveller who recently ar- rived in London from the far east by way of Canada states that an errone- ous idea seems to be entertained in