davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1903-07-27

In Corea visiting cards are a foot
square. The savages Of Dahomey an.
nounce their visits to each other by a
wooden board or the branch Of a tres
artistieally carved. This is sent on in
advance. and the visitor on taking
leave pockets his card. which prob
ably serves him for many years. The
natives of sumatra also have a visiting
card consisting Of piece Of wood
about a foot long and decorated with
a bunch Of straw and a Knife
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1903-07-27
Thinks Marriage license FAILURE

Thinks Marriage license a Failure
A young and impetuous lover In At
larta. Ca, recently decided to ges mac
ried. He took out a license for him.
self and a girl whom he thought would
make a good wife Then be went to
consult her about If. He produced the
license and served it on her as sort
n warrant mandamus or other potent
legal document She said she did moi
want to marry. Her father agreed with
her and held a gun on him, giving him
his choice Of the contents Of the gun
or a horsewhipping from the young
woman. He took the latter and he
CARDS the marriage license as a failure
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1903-07-27

brigade, Second Division of the Third
Army corps.
Gen. Hooker" said Col Rivers.
was a man soft Of speech and very
neat In personal appearance. He was
one OF those men who always look well
no matter what the circumstances
under which they are living.
"He always wore a 'diclde-one Of
those high standing collars SO fash
ionable forty OF fifty years ago. That
collar was known as Hooker's baro-
meter. Whenever we saw the old
man come out Of his tent with one
side Of that collar loppeo over we
would begin to look for trouble
The old mans collar says fight
would be the message sent down the
line And the sign never failed.
Il was not on the generals stan
and Of course l came in contact with
him but seldom. remember one
occasion. distinctly. however 1t was
when ! was promoted to be second
lieutenant ! needed a sword fitting
to my new dignity. and went to Gen.
Hooker TO get permission to 60 to
Washington to purchase one.
SO you want to buy a sword?' said
ne Haven't we plenty Of swords IN
camp?
Yes. sir, but not the kind l want
answered.
.r,on,o u,itb mo vou,o man and
Wen see # we can't find you good
sword
eve went down where the stores
we're kept and finally came upon a
wagon loaded with old sabres. They
were ancient weapons, most Of them
relics of the Mexican war. / couldn't
have welded one Of them with both
hands
Help yourself. young man. said
the general, waving his hand toward
the wagon.
"But. general protested, I could
not lift one Of those things, let alone
use it,
There was a twinkle in the gener
ais eye as he answered. All, well,
he said, 1t is a race Of puny men nova
days. Those were mere toys for the
Mexican veterans. Well, young man.
you shall 20 to Washington and buy
you sword. a pretty one with a
leather scabbard
Nov his manner Of saying this was
so delicious that offense was impos.
sible. He knew / was young and
wanted q bright. showy sword, and he
thought he would give me an object
lesson in the style Of arm used by the
troopers Of the Mexican war.
"The general was as kinc hearted
as woman I remember 'Sat dur
ing the second battle Of Bull Run
HOokers Old brigade was sent against
fortified position that should not
have been attacked by anything less
than a whole division. The brigade
sustained terrible slaughter-the loss
was simply appalling.
The remnant struggled back and
reformed. It was a heartrending sighi
enough to make the spectators weep
Indeed, the men themselvs could not
restrain their tears. Such awful slaugh
ter-such unnecessary decimation has
seldom been the experience Of any
troops.
"AT the men stood IN line after ths
sngaCement down came Gen Hooker
When the boys caught sight Of hin
a mighty shout went up.
"'Uiscle JoeY they cried, Uncle
Joes
y have never heard another such
/ cry. a. was a mixture Of pathos anC
pain sssd affection 1t was the CRY
Of q sick boy to his father, the wall oi
a lad ssb-choked with grief and des
pair.
WITH no rush Of an avalanche, tn,
men brale ranks and swept down OF
the genar'j. They crowded about hin
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1903-07-27

Patlent-Tell me candidly. doctor.
do you think III pull through?
Doctor-Oh you are bound to get
well. You can't help yourself. The
Medical Record shows that out Of a
hundred cases like yours one recoy-
ers Invariably
That's a cheerful prospect"
What more do you want? I've
treated ninety-nino cases, and every
one Of them died WHY. man alive.
you can't die If you try. There's No
humbug about statistics!"
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1903-07-27
Arranged IT.

Patience-I told him last night that
the day he bought my engagement
ring be should PIT his arm about me
and kiss me.
Patrice--W Well2
HE waited until after midnight
and said he'd buy it to-day
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1903-07-27

Young man" said the slightly deaf
elderly person. eyeing him severely.
@you may be going there fast enough.
but you ought to be ashamed to make
a boast Of it,"
Ought to be ashamed to say I'm go
Ing to Beifast he responded in sur.
prise. What for?'
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1903-07-27

Tess-O. yes, feel pretty sure Of
him. rejected him when he proposed
first because was positive he'd try
again.
Jess-And you we're right He did
try again. and accepted him.-stray
Stories.
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1903-07-27

One small boy recently was sent by
his mother to the bakery for loaf OF
bread. He returned with cake.
What did l tell you to buy?" asked
bis mother.
you said to get a loaf Of tread
but I didn't understand you" was the
answer
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1903-07-27

Nora-They nivcr nod cook before
avn only got I'll oideas from th comic
papers.
Bridget-How do yez know?
Nora -Becau4e she asked If Oh was
goin to entertain til polacemon In TIL
kitchen.
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1903-07-27
Tryino Not 70 crleve Papa.

There, George. you not only broke
mammals pretty dish but you told her
story about Il, which is much more
naughty Papa win be 50 grier~H
when ] tell him.
4Win he feel awful bad cause i
6id IT, mammal"
Eyes"
"Tm so sorry. know what I'll do
mamma. I'll tell him you did it,
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1903-07-27

Doctor-see here, when are you
going to pay me what you owe me-
/ am getting out Of patience
Delinquent-If you didn't send so
many Of them to the cemetery YOU
wouldn't get out Of patients SO .ass.
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1903-07-27
The Aoma Of Meekness.

McJigger- -Chicken-hearted? Well,
I should say; he's the limit.
Thingum bob-Is that SO?
Misunderstanding can make him
fight why, I've even seen him let a
man cheat him out of his turn in the
barber shop, and he never said a
word.
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1903-07-27

A pretty girl winter night,
moonimpassioned fellow. a gentle
word. solemn vow. kiss And
all is well. oh Again the girl. an.
other night. same moon Thus far.
It's well. OH But il we took another
look, we'd see-- Another felloWl
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1903-07-27

Wife-Do you love me as much as
ever?
Husband reckon so.
Wife-Will ] always be the dearest
thing in the world TO you?
Husband am sure you viii, unless
the landlord raises the rent
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1903-07-27

what a tiny egg you've got
therel" she exclaimed, over the
breakfast table. Isn't it cute?"
"Cute" he replied, when he had
broken it; Il should say, rather, it is
chic"
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1903-07-27

Mrs. Guggins is feelin' mighty mis-
cradle"
"You don't say sol I thought she
was lookln' in splendid health"
Eyes, that's just it She's feelin SO
well that she can't think Of nothin
to take patent medicines for, an she
Jest sits and reads the advertise
ments and pines"
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1903-07-27

He-Miss Gidday is splendid
dancer-so light on her feet!
Miss Chellus-T Think so?
He-Oh yes; light in the extreme
Miss Chellus-You mean light in
the extremes. don't your
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1903-07-27

Yes. sir, he was obliged to 60 to
the snake country, so he took a gallon
Of whisky along"
"And how did he make cut?"
Splendid Got so full and wab
bled so the snakes missed him every
time they struck at himl"
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1903-07-27

"Of course" said the funny man.
when you ole youll leave will?'
Yes" replied Henpeek, there's one
will I'll leave with will, but it won't
be NJ own"
'No?"
mo. Ny wife"
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1903-07-27

Always think twice before you
speak" said little Tommy's mamma.
Gee, mawl" he answered IL you
do that you must DO some pf stty fast
thinkin' sometimes when you git
to goin' for paw"
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1903-07-27

You are the light Of ny llfel' h
protested.
Candle, kerosene. gas or. electric2'
asked the practical girl. for well She
knew that an lights arc not held ia
the same esteem at the present time
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1903-07-27

THE messenger boy it seems. 4
the most regular customer OF thesl
penny-dreadfnl novels"
Yes. those books seem to have
been designed solely that he Wbs
does not run may read"
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1903-07-27

"War." said the peasimistic person.
'is curse to any nation"
"Oh. / don't know, reioined the op
tiuist "Our last war took away
seven Of nay creditors.
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1903-07-27

"And you have never kept a dog2"
Wei. / won't 90 quite SO far as
that. My neighbor's two dogs get all
their meals at my kitchen door"
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1903-07-27

Nellie married hef for ha
beauty, but she hasn't much ialt
BeiIe-ARd she marriea him for hi
money So they are ID the same beat
Philadelphia Record
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1903-07-27

pa said little Morris. why did
the nan put his light under busheiNs
Il don't know, answered pa. after
some reflection; "but / suppose that
the bushel was very heavily insured"
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1903-07-27

The New Yorker-It seems to me
you have great many slot machines
ia this town
The Phlladelphian-Yes; We have
them to burn.--Phlladelphia Record.
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1903-07-27

NO matter how brave men are they
are all afraid Of their wives,
N know one who isn't"
who is he? He must be a phen-
omenon."
"Oh, no-only a bachelor
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1903-07-27
EHeets of MlsfoI .une.

Didn't the loss Of all your money
drive yon 70 drink?"
mo- only to thirst 1t kept me
from drink"
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1903-07-27

Now that the great men Of to-day
have convinced us that we should
each own a baby. or at least a home
stead right in one. the discussion Of
an ideal minion waxeth warm. 40
cording to the latest estimate your
year old son should weigh exactly
20 ~ pounds If he is of this weight
he Is unhealthy. Heretofore a fond
mother has kissed the tootsy-wootsies
Of a lump OF butter" baby in I'M
adnlterated maternaI Joy and sat
isfacuon little dreaming that his
avoirdnpois. caused By sugar and
fat substances, was outward eyi-
dence Of inward ills. It is cyl
dent that the chubby offspring Of
the future is apt to have a harder
time Of it than his predecessors.
Styles In babies, as well as III other
feminine aceoutrements. must change
with the cycles OF time.
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1903-07-27
II your baby Is TOO rat. boil It
NN4

Occasionally man does some
thinking when his head feels the need
Of more exercise. Now and then, on
these occasions. he gets up against
snag. Eliminating. we wondered what
In creation Is the matter with the
churches Of to-day. They seem to be
losing their grip on the people. and
we pondered why? Chewing the cud
.of introspection. we recalled the
words Of a wandering socialist a once
prominent pastor who left his flock
to travel as a peasant over the coun-
try, working here and there whereyer
be could get employment and study
ing the labor question as he went.
This man, after year Of this expert
ence. found that be stood better
chance Of being fed by a saloonkeeper
than a Christian. when hungry He
found that one out Of twenty who pro
fessed religion practiced It. He dis
covered that the rich people OF the
church met the poor people on level
only inside tho church doors. He
found men who professed no religion
at all had a religion Of their own
that directed them to be honest, to be
sympathetic. to be angels Of mercy in
times Of need He found as much re-
ligion out Of the church as within, and
shocked beyond compare, he set about
preaching outside Of the church the
religion that makes a man think and
acf nnffv that eoftpns his heart 10 the
needy aud knows no caste. Religion
OF itself is nothing If not practical. A
Sunday religion Is not religion. DO
ing unto others as you would be done
by is the best religion. When church
people learn 70 regard the churches
as a business Office in which to lay
campaigns along this line. then will
the church grow and prosper The
mere wearing Of a black coat. to be
put on and on at will. does not make
a man a gentleman.
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1903-07-27

1T was very affecting when I ask
ed Old Binks for bis daughter. Why,
I wept myself"
did be kick as hard as an thatY"
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1903-07-27

Our wife. came home yesterday with
one Of those miniature yarn over
coats that ordinarily reach the house
about three days before the doctor
gets there. Our first thought was she
intended trying 1t on the dog but
later developments, more or less
clouded IN secrecy point to some
thing doing soon out in Iowa where
storks are exceedingly plentiful II
does beat all how thick this game is
In the Hawkeye state. One can go
out with a gun and bag flock OF
storks on the sand dunes that skirt
the Cedar river. most any day. At
least, this is common report. Not
being much Of hunter when we
lived there we cannot vouch for the
truth OF the assertion. but we firmly
believe Il ourself They are as thick
as humming birds. Wonder II that
yarn thing our wife bought win TT
what the stogk brings anyhow?
SSS
You will recall the dog Tise, that
"et bis tag" In New York fat baby
ate mothers street car transfer.
mother had to pay a second fare. and
now she brings suit against the com
pany for damages. Thus We see stik
another convincing argument against
fat babies.
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1903-07-27

A free country at lastl Authors
manuscript is to be carried at third
class rates instead Of at letter post
age as heretofore. Waste baskets
viii be increased accordingly.
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1903-07-27

Life ls a medley of turnrikes
That lead every which way and tother.
No matter what highway Tou trudFe on.
Toun wish you had chosen anotherl
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1903-07-27

Wanted-An amazooin raskui 20
take tn chair Of humor in III Univer-
sity OF Wisconsin. p. She must be
a nat'ral born funny cuss. Fer such
as him there is a heavy settin. around 4
job waiting. Address Chaplain" care
Of the University.
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1903-07-27

New Haven, Conn. teamster ten
Derby transported a lad he had acci-
dentally run down. to a distant under
taking establishment. only to discover
that the limb he had driven over and
broken was but q wooden leg. Il is
well the boy did not fail under an
automobile instead The chauffeur
could never have withstood the shock.
There isn't much use trying IN this
world. II you succeed you are dub
bed zone Of the newly rich.' To be
really aristocratic one must Be born
with the proverbial golden spoon.
Those who neglected TO choose opu-
lent parents are destined to everlast-
ing defeat Tor their carelessness.
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1903-07-27

He Needed Him.
Burglar (to Mrs. J1-If you a.
much as open your mouth shoot
Mr. 1.-How much win yoG charge
to stay here BY the week7
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1903-07-27

The report that the colleges are
turning out a short supply Of minis
ters win be a matter for congratula-
ten In ysilowlegged chicken circles
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1903-07-27

III every man would put as much
ginger into his work as a pig does
into motion when be scratches his
hack AGAINST a board fence, there
would be fewer failures in this world.
Uncle by.
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1903-07-27

Mrs. Amanda Caskie Thomas, Who
ever she Is, OF New York, considers
81 900 q year for the gowns OF a so
ciety woman a low figure. And still
we wonder at the increase Of bache.
lorsl
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1903-07-27

A wife who has been niggardly
dealt with by her husband usually
pays her own funeral expenses In
back wages.
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1903-07-27

According 20 the newspapers,
Philadelphia woman, stopping IN Chi
cage lost her diamond stomacher at
a theater. Is It anything like a liver
pad7
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1903-07-27

Il Is not labor that makes a city
man round-shouldered; it is settling
ne question Of ITO tip or not to tip"
that waiter.
The Irish standard., 1903-08-29
Social and Personal

The twentieth anniversary of the
marriage of Mr.. and Mrs. J. E. Shan
Messy Of 222G Western avenue was
celebrated last Monday evening.
About two hundred guests We're pres
ent. and the evening was most pleas
antly spent. Some exquisite pieces of
china We're received as Il reminder of
the significance of the day.
Mrs. T. NIahoney, of G23 Fremont
avenue n, entertained Thursday after
noon Of last week in honor of Mrs.
Hayes, of Montreal, Miss Kellogg, of
New York, Mrs. Hanna and Miss
Hanna, of Brooklyn. n. Y. The par
lors were bright with golden rod,
sweet peas. ferns and roses. Prizes
were awarded to Mrs. Joseph Clarke,
Mrs. George Smith; lone hand. Mrs.
Phil Wirth and Mrs. Marlin Crahen.
Musical selections We're rendered by
Miss Hanna, Miss Kellogg and Miss
Anna Hennessy. Lunch was served
in the dining room.
Rev. =. V. Hartigan of Holy Rosary
church is travelling in the East, stop
ping at New York, Washington and
New Haven. Father Hartigan is eX-
pected home next week.
The Misses Elizabeth Mcnamara
and Margaret Buckley, both graduates
of the class of 1901, st. Anthony
school. We're recently appointed to
good positions for the coming year.
Miss Mcnamara will be principal of
the school at Columbia Heights and
Miss Buckley will teach in one of the
public schools at Renville. MINI.
a reception and card party given
by the young ladies of Holy Rosary
parish will take place Friday evening,
Sept. 10. A fine portrait of Father
Dugan will be ratified.
The Irish standard., 1903-08-29
Resolutions of Coincidence.

At a recent meeting of Division No.
), l.. \. \. O. II. of Minneapolis, the
following resolutions were adopted:
WHEREAS, The angel Of death has
entered our midst and taken from us
our beloved sister, Mrs. Jones,
RESOLVED, That in her DEATH
Division No. ). l.. \. \. o. H., has
lost a worthy member and her husband
and children Il loving Wife and tender
mother,
RESOLVED, That while we bow to
the will of Almighty God. we do at
the same time extend our heartfelt
sympathy to the bereaved husband and
children Of the deceased member,
RESOLVED, That our charter be
draped in mourning and a copy of these
resolutions be sent to the bereaved
family and also a copy spread Oh the
minutes.
CATHARINE EGAN,
MRS. l.. SULLIVAN.
MISS SADIE PLOUF,
Committee.
The Irish standard., 1903-08-29
John McAllister Chosen.

The state convention of Montana
Funeral Directors. recently held at
Helena, elected John Mc.Allister of
Great Falls state president for the
ly resided in Minneapolis and removed
to Great Falls about five years ago.
where he engaged in the undertaking.
business. The venture has been en-
tirclv successful and it is said that lie
is now in all respects the leading flu
neral director of Montana.
The Irish standard., 1903-08-29

The Institute of the Sacred Heart
opens Monday. August 81. The sisters
have equipped Il special suite of rooms
to be known as the kindergarten de-
partnent for little boys and girls.
The course is To he comprehensive
and thorough. embracing the prin-
riples and methods indicated by that
great friend of childhood, Frederick
Froeble. The sisters Respectfully re-
quest the patronage of the public
and guarantee entire satisfaction in
this new enterprise