Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1903-04-15
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Ping-pong shows that there are, after
all. healthful uses for even fashion
able dining-room table-Punch.
Rehearsing: "He combs his hair diff.
ferently every time" Yes, he hasn't
learned his part."-Yale Record.
80 you think you need w!fe?"
Yes" We'll, nothing but marriage
will dispel that illusion!"-Puck.
The bar to riches: More men would
be rich If money We're as hard to spend
as 1t is to earn.-Chicago News.
Wife-"I found out something to-day
that promised never to tell" Hus-
band-"Well, so ahead; I'm listening"
Chicago Daily News
He-"And now suppose I'll have to
ask your fathers consent?" She-"Not
at all, Just ask mamma. She'll take
care of papa. Judge.
Take example: Customer (at res
taurano-"Can ! see the proprietor?"
Waiter-"Nery sorry. sir, he's just
stepped out to lunch."-Judge.
Uncle William. are you troubled
about the hereafter?' mo. sub; It's
de wharfo' err ed herein what keeps
me guessin!'-Atlanta Constitution.
II think 1t is silly to pick up pin"
ooh, l don't know! know fellow
that makes So week picking up pins"
Get out" Yes; he works in bowl.
Ing alley"
Arthur would marry that girl but
for one thing" Chestcr-"Afraid to
pop the question:" Arthur-"No.
Afraid to question the pop."-Town
and Country.
How did your daughter do at the
graduation exercises" ...Splendidw
declared Mrs. Torque; "why. she was
the best dressed girl thcre!'-Balti-
more Herald
Blibson-"I understand that South
American general has resolved to sell
his life dearly" Glibson-"Yes; he
wants ten dollars for the library edi-
ton. Judge.
Ping-"Some women novelists have
great power of dction." Pong-"In
their home life I'll bet they show still
greater power OF contradiction.'-Bal-
| timore Herald.
First Darkey-"Dat's de mos con-
venlenest arranged farm 1 eber seen"
Second Dnrkey-"Dat's SO. De chicken
| house am located in the watahmilyun
patch."-Judge.
Blonde Bridesmaid-"The ushers
haven't seated your Aunt Maria with
the family" Other Bridesmaid SISTER
to the bride)-"No, she sent only
pickle fork."-Life.
The Manager-"Bully! Wen have
real horses, real brook, real hens and
geese, and real hay" The Author
And would you mind having real
actors, too?"-Life
Mother-"Yes. Bobby; any man in
this country can be President" Bobby
l-"Gosh! what q lot of Holsters there
are who seem to prefer working for
two dollars a day.'-Judge.
$50 you want my daughter?" growled
/ the old man. Can suppostt-af tam
ily?" w hats the matter?" demanded
the sutton. suspic1ously; ARE you out
of work "-Seattle Sunday Times.
February IA: Mistress-"so you wan,
me to read this loye-letter to your
Maid-"lf We PLACE, man. And I've
brought We some cottonwood We car
stuff in yer ears while We read it!'-
Punch.
81 tell you that poet is genius" ~
genius? Why his stuff is the worst
ever read" ~ know" But d
you call him n genius?" Because Il
succeeds in selling it."-Philadelphi,
| Record.
Mrs. witherby lat breakfast)-"Ar,
you well?" Witherby-"Yes. Why p
Mrs. Witherby-"Yo look changed. l
suppose l notice 1t more than those
who are with you constantly."-Har
per's Bazaar.
She-"After all, what is the differ
| ence between Illusion and delusion %
He-..IllusIon is the lovely fancies we
have about ourselves; delusion is the
foolish fancles other people have about
themselves."-Life
Jocular Passenger Ito train robber)-
when you say Hi, thereH suppose
you mean you're after raise?" The
Robber-"Yep, an 1t also means you'd
better watch out, an be burned quick
about it."-Chicago Daily News.
Cassidy-"Shtop kickin' about yer
hard luck, man! Some mornin' yen
wake up an find yerser famous"
Casey-"Faith, on bet We whin thot
mornin' comes twill be me luck to
overslape meser. "-Philadelphla Press.
How old is your baby?" asked one
of the neighbors. WELL" said the
Missouri farmer, rejecting n moment,
"he was born the last time we had
them seventeen-year locusts. You kin
figger it up fur Chicago
Tribune.
| Silmson-"I hear you have been
fighting that little boy next door, and
that he whipped you. How did that
happen?" Willie-"Well, he's going to
give party next week, and l was
afraid IL l licked him he wouldn't In.
vitc me."-Harper's Bazaar.
Father Ito the seven year-old son be-
side him in the dog-c2rt cutting the
whip sharply through the air)-"See,
Tommy, how l make the horse 60 faster
without striking him at ALL" Tommy
lin an eager tone Of happy discovery
Papa, why don't you spank US ch :
dren that way ?"-Tit-Bits.
The Real Condition.