Waterbury evening Democrat., 1903-11-23
A DOGS TALE
By MARK TWAIN

From Harper's Magazine For December )
 My father was a St. Bernard, my mother was a collie, but am Pres byterian. This is what my mother told me. do not know these nice dis functions myself. To me they are only fine, large words meaning nothing. My mother had fondness fpr such. She liked to say them and see other dogs look surprised and envious, as wonder ing how she got so much education.
 But indeed it was not real educati tion; 1t was only show. She got the words by listening in the dining room and drawing room when there was com pany and by going with the children to Sunday school and listening there, and whenever she heard large word she said it over to herself many times and so was able to keep it until there was a dogmatic gathering in the neigh borhood; then she would get it off and surprise and distress them all, from pocket pup to mastiff, which rewarded her for all her trouble. If there was a stranger he was nearly sure to be sus- picious, and when he got his breath again he would ask her what it meant And she always told him. He was never expecting this, but thought he would catch her, so when she told him he was the one that looked ashamed, whereas he had thought it was going to be she.
 The others were always waiting for this and glad of it and proud of her, for they knew what was going to hap pen, because they had had experience. When she told the meaning of big word they were all so taken up with admiration that it never occurred to any dog to doubt if 1t was the right one, and that was natural, because for one thing she answered up so prompt ly that it seemed like a dictionary speaking, and for another thing where could they find out whether it was right or not? For she was the only cultivated dog there was.
 By and by, when I was older, she brought home the word ''unintellec- tuaI' one time and worked it pretty hard all the week at different gather ings, making much unhappiness and despondency, and it was at this time that I noticed that during that week she was asked for the meaning at eight different assemblages and flashed out fresh definition every time, which showed me that she had more presence of mind than culture, though I said nothing of course.
 She had one word which she always kept on hand and ready, like life, ror a ind of ord to strap on when she was likely to get washed overheard in sudden way. That was the word synonymous" When she happened to fetch out long word which had had it's day weeks be- fore and it's prepared meanings gone to her dump pile, if there was stranger there of, course it knocked him groggy for couple of minutes, then he would come to, and by that time she would be away down the wind on another tack and not expecting anything. So when he'd hail and ask her to cash in (the only dog on the inside of her game) could see her canvas flicker a moment but only just a moment-then it would belly out taut and full, and she would say, as calm as summers day, Its synonymous with supereroga- tion," or some goddess long reptile of a word like that, and go placidly about and skim away on the next tack, per- fectly comfortable, you know, and leave that stranger looking profane and embarrassed and the initiated slatting the floor with their tails In unison and their faces transfgured with a holy joy.
 Copyright, 1903, by Harpers Magazine.1