davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1903-08-07
Sane Man, f.

A Chicago man wants to borrow a
13-inch cannon, set it upon the top
of Pixies Peak and send projectile
into space to upset the Newtonian
theory of gravitation and tap the res
ervoir of electricity, which he says
exists above the earth's atmospheric
envelope. He thinks the cannon ball,
if a magnet, will not come back to
earth, but will remain in the electric
reservoir, and he expects to draw un-
limited power down through wire
attached to the ball. If Newton was
mistaken and modern men of science
all wrong in their ideas Of the con-
struction of =. the universe and the
movements of the planets, the Chi
cago man is not crazy.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1903-08-07
NO MONEY IN TRANSLATION.
Little Demand for the Best Works
of foreign Authors. -

Little Demand for the Best Works
of Foreign Authors. -
"Translating is an art" said an
instructor at the university. Gar
lyle translated some fairy tales from
the German, and these tales from
Tieck and Musaeus are examples of
English prose as beautiful as the
heart could desire. Syinburne trans
lated Villon, and so did Rossetti, who
gave us. furthermore, paraphrases of
the Italian poets that equal the origi'
nails in charm. That is the test Of
translation-that it shall equal in
beauty the original-and think
there should be law requiring every
great writer to translate at least one
great book. But our good men can't
afford to make translations; the pay
is too miserable. 1t is impossible to
get for translating a novel Of $4,000
words more than about $3.50. There
is only 81 per 1000 words, and there
is no living in it at such figures. -
Philadelphia Record.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1903-08-07
TH9 LlrrLr ONES soNiNo.
Natural Deduction Made BY Phys'.
.-s.Et ,. clans DAunhter. n ,aT8 & Sss..

Natural Deduction Made BY Physl.
- w.. & clans Daughter. ,,s f..
DR.. w. T. Bull tells this story about
Q country surgeon who once had three
leg 'amputation cases in . Jweek.! The
unusual number of serious and similar
operations naturally caused talk n the
surgeons household and his little
daughter was greatly interested. A
few days after the last operation the
surgeons wife and daughter were rum
maging In the attic. In a trunk was
found a daguerreotype depicting q girl
of about eight years of age. The por-
trait, through popularity sof, pose,
showed only one leg of the subject, the
other being doubled up under" her In a
manner truly feminine. Whose pic
Sture is that, mamma?" asked the sur.
Egeon's daughter. Mine. Il. was, taken
when l was child not much older
than you are now" did you know
papa them" "No, dear. Why do you
5ask?" Il thought maype you did,
cause you've only got one New
+ York Times. Cd .''#,< ~
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1903-08-07
Woman's Remarkable Fad.

Have you seen woman on street
car or train take two white mice out
of an. air-filled reticule, caress them
fondly and then kiss them? Her hus-
band was with her the other day, but
the wee small pets occupied all her
attention. The reticule had little air
openings in the sides, with a rubber
tube attachment, thorugh which &C.
casionally fresh air was blown, for
the day was sultry and wee mousie
might suffocate. Hubby" was util-
lied to blow in the air. He looked
henpeclled and thoroughly suodued
Occasionally the woman would open
the reticule, when the little white
mice would Chamber cut over the top
Is this to be new fad?-New York
Press.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1903-08-07
THE WORD WAS FAMILIAR.
Scholar Naturally Misled by Modern
Slanu Term, -

Scholar Naturally Misled by Modern
Slang Term.
A West Philadelphia Sunday school
teacher has class of dozen, small
boys, angling in their ages from to 8
years. Not long ago the lesson was
from the twenty-second chapter Of
Genesis, upon the temptation Of Abra'
ham to offer Isaac for sacrifice. The
teacher told them in as simple Ian
guage as possible the story of the 60
ing into the mountain and the prepare
ton for the sacrifice, and when all was
ready she explained that Abraham saw
kid caught in the bushes and took
that and killed it. There was an awed
silence for a moment when she had fin.
ished, and then one little lad gasped,
with eyes wide with horror: "A
kidd What, a boy?"
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1903-08-07
The World Still Younu.

We may adopt as an approximate
figure for the age of man period Of
25O,0O0 years, which is believed to
have fair claims to provisional accept
ance. Furthermore calculations based
On the rate of solar shrinkage and
upon other data seem to suggest Pc
Rod of about 100000 years during
which animal life will continue to be
possible on the earth. Assuming these
two figures fairly to indicate the facts
we may take it that the human race
has only completed one-thirteenth part
fore, the world is young.-Academy.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1903-08-07
European MARRIAGE Laws.

In Denmark girl of twelve and a.
boy of fourteen can marry. In most
places the age limit is eighteen for:
men and sixteen for women. In Ger!
many man can only contract mar
riage before his y twenty-f1rst year,
when he is specially declared of age,
and this can only be done when he
has completed his eighteenth year.
The law OF France is specially not.
able for STIMULATING about the Legal
rights of each party, and the relations
of each to the earnings of the other.
The man who marries a Frenchwo-
man becomes by FRENCH law liable to-
be called upon for support of his
wife's near relatives if they are in
need.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1903-08-07
End Of the Romance,

The Center 'ew (Mo.) Record tells
Of a young man who had been writ.
ing a girl in Minneapolis for three
years, intending some day to ask her
to marry him. The other day he re-
ceiyed letter and picture from her.
Tie letter announced that she had
been married two years, and the pic
ture was Of her baby. my husband
and l have enjoyed your letters very
much" she wrote, but guess YOU'D
better stop writing nov, as I have to-
spend az my time caring for the
baby" The Record says the words
the young man used after reading the
letter would shock a field of oats
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1903-08-07
MARCONI WIRELESS.

Messrs. Munroe and Munroe, of
AGO Exchange Place, New Yo1 k
have published a handsome booklet
of Sc pages, containing 80 half-tone
illutrating, giving full and COM
plete history Of wireless telegraphy
under the above, title. They have
agreed to give a copy to every
reader who feels favorable to an in
vestment in Marconi stock and who
will write to them requesting it,
Address Munroe and Munroe, 1850
Exchange Place, New York City,
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1903-08-07
now cAssiEs cor FARGA
Ingenious Device n That Dsesivse
6, Quests az Banquet. n,

Quests. a. Banquet :. X
2 It was nearly midnight. and The
group of cabmen standing outside the
banqueting hall were Respondent. The
night was do warm and fine that the,
guests at the banquet would be sure
to walk home instead Of riding. AT
length one cabman hit on brilliant
idea. He brought q bucket Of water
from the horse trough, and poured It
we'll over the steps of the hall and
the pavement in front of the en-
trance, so that it looked as though
there had been heavy rain. Then he
took an umbrella and dipped 1t In the
water trough, and. as the sbeadls
threw open the door for the departing,
guests the ingenious cabmana stood
in the doorway with his dripping UNI
brella. "A fearful night! Raining
cats and dogs!" said one Of the
guests. Cabs were in such great de-
mand that there was not one OF them
went away without a fare.-Spare Mo-
merts. ,s.s',, ~'. s. - = s&&#t y
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1903-08-07
Buenos Ayres' Great Docks.

The first thing that strikes you on
landing at Buenos Ayres is it's docks,
which extend for five miles along the
river front, says St: Nicholas. They
were built by an English firm, and
were completed in 1897. They are
most solidly constructed, supplied
with numerous modern steam cranes
and are brilliantly lighted with cleo
trcity at night. They cost the city
and nation seven million pounds
sterling, or s35,ooo,o0o. So great is
the amount OF shipping. however, that
not the docks alone, but the small
river Riachuelo is crowded with yes
sells. Indeed, one wonders how a
ship, once entered, can ever manage
to get out.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1903-08-07
Autos in Sahara Desert.

Adv;ces have been received from
Egypt to the effect that tourists in
Egypt will soon be able to cross the
Sahara desert in a four miles-an-hour
automobile specially constructed for
travelling over sandy wastes. The We
hicle is said to accommodate forty
passengers, and while the speed
seems absurdly slow it is greater
than that of camel transportation.
The Egyptians in charge Of the camel
transportation of course are opposing
the introduction of the automobile
The English government is now using
motor vehicles for transporting
troops in Soudan.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1903-08-07
MORE HONOR Fer LINCOLN.
How colored Woman Described the
Great Emancipation.

How colored Woman Described the
Great Emancipation.
A few evenings ago Secretary Cor
telyou was enjoying a stroll in Lin
coin park, which happens to be not
far from his home on Capitol hill. In
front of bronze statue of Lincoln
which adorns this square Mr.. Cortel~
you noticed two colored women, one
of whom, as evidenced by her dress,
was from the country and taking in
the sights of Washington with a CITY,
relative. ':And you can't guess who
dat ISL" the Washington woman was
repeating, pointing TO the statue of
the emancipation. Il don't guess I
can" was the response of the visitor.
"Who is it," why, chi1e," said the
ebony guide proudly, "dat am de in
stigator Oh our renown. "-Saturday
Evening Post.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1903-08-07
English SLANG in France,

Never have the French made use
of SO many English words as during
the past season. The world of sport"
began the practice some years ago,
and it had this excuse, that it drew
its horses, its "trainers''' anC it's
Jockeys" from the other side of the
channel. But nowadays French So
ciety INDUCES in a positive debauch
of exotic terms. One goes no lo nger
"sur lie champ des courses" but ION
the turf" The horses go round the
ring" The "donneurs de Paris" are
"bookmakers." The "gross pontes,''
"plungers." A thoroughbred" (pur
sang) is no longer "boiteux,' but
"broken down."-Paris letter.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1903-08-07
"Oid Wine" Theory Exploded.

There is hardly man who does
not believe that the old wine is the
best wine, yet s:iort time ago some
cases of claret were sold in London
at SIS bottle, of the famous
Comet" vintage Of 1911, and the
wine was found to be utterly worth
less. It was simply worn out with
age. Wine experts and wealthy con-
noisseurs had come from great dis
tances to buy the wine at any price,
and were edited upon opening it to
find it was as fiat as soda water. In
the same way, not long since a guam
tity of hook from the cellars OF a
country house, Of the year. preceding
Napoleon's retreat from Moscow.
fetched $40 per bottle, and was found
to have lost everything except color.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1903-08-07
The Mysterious Radium.

The mysterious new substance ra-
dunn, is now said partially TO restore
vision to the blind. Inc Scientific
American says: One of our c pre-
spondents recently passed throush a
peculiar experience. He tasted If a
small fraction Of grain of radum.
It acted as a powerful stimulant af.
fecting both the heart and the kid.
neys. 1t was several hours befort his
pulse became normal. 1t affected the
mind also, producing hallucinatitps. I"
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1903-08-07
New Use for Electricity.

A new game has been recently de-
vised which is in reality electric bat.
t]edore and shuttlecock. The two
been electrified by friction. The shut
tlecock is represented by butterfly
made of collodion. The latter is
thrown into the air, and as it is ap-
preached by either of the wands it is
repealed by electrical action and goes
skimming through the air away from
the wand. In this way the butterfly
is sent hither and thither without be-
ing touched.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1903-08-07
The Great American Jury.

There is a town in Pennsylvania
which lately evolved cce of the most
remarkable juries on record. This
jury, trying school directors accused
of extortion from teachers, rendered
a verdict acquitting the accused and
sentencing them to be reprimanded
by the court. The only inference is
that they are to be reprimanded for
being net guilty. This jury, should
be carefully preserved in alcohol and
deposited for the benefit Of future ad.
mirins ages in the Smithsonian insti.
tuition.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1903-08-07
HARD TosFIND At HOME.
Why kansan Met None Of New ferk's
A. .n' Four Hundred. -. %r.@<

Why kansan Met None OF New rerk's
5~ = y Four Hundred. $|.<
Editor C. p. Townsley, who Is visit.
ing New York, writes to his paper In
Kansas as follows: I'VE had the pleas
ure of calling on Mr.. Vanderbilt few
days ago, but regretted to find him out
of town, so the distinguished looking
gentleman at the gate informed us. l
thought ne was fresh duke just ar
rived, but on asking him his name he
said it was James Thompson, the man
who was in charge of the premises
during Mr.. Vanderbilt's absence. l
find it is almost impossible to catch
any of the 400 at home at this season.
They are either at some summer re-
sort or in Europe. The next time /
come to New York shall try the win
ter, so as to find people at home. 80
Great Bend Tribune
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1903-08-07
NEWSPAPER ALWAYS rHE BEST.
Beyond Question the Most Effective
Form of AdvertisTnd.

Beyond Question the Most Effective
Form of Advertisfnd.
The New York Commercial quotes
from leaflet on, the value of adver-
Using by M Lee starke, in which he
argues against the magazine, the the
ater programme, billboards and cir
culars, as mediums of profitable ad-
vertising to the exclusion of newspa-
pers. The leaflet says: "The daily
newspaper as an advertising medium,
especially the publication having the
largest, cleanest and best home circu-
lation in its city or community, af-
fords the general advertiser a better
opportunity for selecting and work.
ing a field, that shall perfectly fit his
appropriation and ultimately produce
liberal return on the investment
made than can possibly be the case
with any other agency of publicity"
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1903-08-07
Love at First Sight.

Friend-So yours was case of
love at first sight? Mrs. Lovejoy-
Yes. indeed. l fell desperately in love
with my dear husband the moment
set eyes upon him. remember it all
distinctly, as if it we're yesterday.
was walking with papa on the prom
enade at Brighton, when suddenly
papa stopped, and, pointing him out
said: "There, my dear, is man
vnrth s575.OOO.''-Stray Stories.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1903-08-07
Eyestrain Of School Life.

Examinations of over 100000 pairs
of eyes and careful tabulation of the
results in the Boston public schools
show that nearly all children enter the
primary schools with normal eyes. In
the higher grades one-fourth Of the
pupils are myopic, and in universities
this increases until from 60 to 70 per
cent of the students are myopic. In
other words, nearsightedress in
creases steadily from the lower
to the higher grades, and in exact pro.
portion TO the length of time devoted
to the eyestrain Of school life.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1903-08-07
Postal Convenience,

One of the latest applications of the
penny-in-the-slot principle is reported
from Australia. In the postoffices Of
the commonwealth, if time or oppor.
tunity does not permit the PROMPT
purchase of a stamp, the person in a
hurry is able to drop his letter into
one orifice of the machine and his
penny into the other, and when this
process is completed, One penny
paid" will be found impressed on the
envelope as an equivalent to the or
thodox stamp.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1903-08-07
An Exaggerated Report.

The family doctor had been sum-
moned hastily, and he climbed the
tenement stairs with a grave face. A
woman was awaiting him in the door
way of a f1at 81 understand little
Tommy has swallowed a quarter" he
said. "Where is he?" ooh, doctor,
I'm glad to tell you we've made a mis-.
take" she said bEthely. 1T wasn't
a quarter after all. 1t was only a
nickel"
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1903-08-07
Some Useful Recipes.

Among members of the Creek
church in Macedonia the following
recipes are regarded as highly use
full: To pacify ones enemies write
the. psalm known in Judea," dis
solve it in water, and give your enc
my to drink thereof, and he will bs
pacified. For startled and fright
ened man take three dry chestnuts
and sow-thistle and three glasses Of
old wine and. let him drink thereof
early and late; w>,.e also In the be-
ginning was the Word" and let him
carry it. -
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1903-08-07
RURAL MAIL DELIVERY.


The rural mail delivery is q good
thing, but it is an old saying that
there may be too much of good
thing. There is too much a good
thing in rural mail delivery when
the system is extended to districts
in which it does not nearly pay it's
way, thus adding to the deficit in
the post Office department. During
the fiscal year just closed the deficit
amounted to more than $4,000 900,
being larger than year ago, not
withstanding the reforms which
have Deen effected in connection
with second class mail matter.
Old sayings embalm much home
wisdom. One has been quoted.
Here is another: Every tub
should stand upon it's own bottom"
This is a principle that has been
applied with good results in the case
of second class mail, the privileges
Of which had been used by a large
class of persons for matters not fair
ly entitled to them. Meant for le.
ultimate newspapers and periodicals,
second class rates had been taken
advantage of by advertisers and
others. Catalogues of business es-
Establishments, a mass of miscellan-
eous matter never contemplated
when the classification was framed,
swamped the mails for years, and
cost so much more to carry than the
postage on them amounted to that
there was deficit year after year,
sometimes approaching twenty mil.
lions OF dollars. The result of this
deficit was to saddle upon the fed
eral treasury expenses that should
have been met by the proprietors Of
the commercial enterprise which,
like cuckoo in a hedge sparrow s
nest, were thrusting themselves in
where they did not belong. The post
Office department is at present under
management that insists upon doing
business on business principles. 1t is
broad and liberal, but not weak. Is
looking out for the interests of the
American people. It will establish
and maintain rural delivery where
yer the conditions warrant it. .,
It cannot be bull1 ozed. Districts
in. which the costs of rural free de-
livery would materially exceed the
receipts are not yet ripe for rural
free delivery.
Congress will do we'll to stand by
the present administration Of the
postofice department when this is
8 ue is brought up, because the adj
ministration of the postof6ce depart
m emit is right.-Evening Wisconsin.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1903-08-07
aanpyness for Old Maids.

Honey, when's you gwlne ter s1s
married?" The engagement had noe
been announced, SO the young woman
replied: "Why, don't know, auntie;
I am not even engaged. What do you
think of that?" The old colored wom'
an said: 'Laws-a-me! but that suttln-
" am a pity. But, Miss Nancy, they
do say that ole maids is the happiest
critters there is, once they quits strug'
xlin'.-Harper's Magazine.--
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1903-08-07
THE CYCLDNEs FROM TULDA
DEFEAT THE woRTA1NG- n
.E% ~. TON REDS. = 3s$. 81.

- In game vOidless OF sensational
plays, the Cyclones easily defeated
the Rads Thursday atternoon at the
fair grounds. The. Reds got a bad
start and beforesthe first three men
could be counted out five scores had
been chalked up for Fulda. The bad
start seemed to upset our boys and
they were never able afterwards to
get their balance. @ The features Of
the game were the superb pitching
Of Bradley and the fast fielding OF
Jones and Voak. When it is taken
into consideration that Fulda has q
hired pitcher, known all over the
country for his fast work, and that
because of wet grounds our boys
have been uunable to get any prac-
ice, the score of ~ OF is not bad
Now with J good ground, to prac-
tice on, good schedule OF games al
ready arranged it can be expected
that the Worthington boys can give
better account of themselves in
the future. We have the material
for a first class team, all that is need
ed is more practice and encourage,
mentf for tho fans. !,
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1903-08-07
Sport of Xmas Spoiled.

In the so-called Great Western han
dicap yesterday the best race horse
of the year was beaten by a plug.
This is the rule rather than the ex-
ception in handicaps, a species of race
in which man undertakes to even the
inequalities of horses. The excellent
advice, never bet on anything on two
legs, holds with reference to handi
cap, a race in which the honesty anC
merits of horses are nullifled by the
would-be smartness of humans.-Lou
is1ille Courier-Journal.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1903-08-07
Before Rome Was Founded.

In one Of the tombs recently ex.
cavated in the Roman Forum a vase
was, discovered, the inscriptions on
which show that it belongs to the
twelfth century before Christ, or 400
years before the reputed date of the
founding of Rome Signor Boni the
director of the excavations, believes
the tomb to be relic Of a city which
existed and had disappeared before
Rome was founded.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1903-08-07
Hjuh Prices for Antiques.

Old furniture collectors j. this city
have lately been driving prices higher
and higher. The rage for Chippen-
dale and Sheraton patterns of the
finer lines is greater than ever. Chairs
especially fetch astonishing prices
Even dealers are paying in some
cases as much as $50 for a single
Chippendale chair of rare pattern,
though it be out of repair. A COL
lector in this city paid the other day
s275 for a Chippendale armchair.
Chairs of less unusual pattern are
sold every day for $40, $50 and $500.
New York letter.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1903-08-07
Lots Of Work for Idle Hands.

Loud and urgent are the calls from
western farms and orchards for
scores of thousands of wage earners
for the harvesting of the crops and
the garnering of the fruits. But too
many idlers, tramps and beggars IN
our cities, and in the country regions
also, turn deaf ears to such appeals
and refuse tempting opportunities to
earn honest and comfortable livings.
The vagrant spirit, the "dead-bea3
desire to get along without working,
is too conspicuous everywhere.-New
York Tribune.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1903-08-07
How She Signed tho Check.

II sometimes think that If had
my way in the matter I would make
it a law that women should not have
bank books" said the tired-looking
cashier. Some of their mistakes
would r1t a sensible schoolboy to
shame. Among the checks hanued
in to me to-day was one for quite a
large amount which the woman who
drew it out had signed Your loving
Carrie"