Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1903-12-16
FACTS AND FANCIES.

5 FACTS AND FANCIES. s
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I haven't thought of joke all day.
You must be out of humor. Yale
Record
Il don't stand for that" muttered- the
unchivalrouS student as q coed boarded
the crowded oar.-Yale Record.
He-If should propose, would you re-
fuse me?
She-Present company always accept
ed, You know.-Yale Record.
A. d. Vyse-An onion a day keeps the
doctor away.
Y. Sepshun-Yes, and everybody else.
Pennsylvania Punch Bowl.
First Turkey-My, what rot.
Second Turkey-What's the matter?
First Turkey-Saying that worry makes
a person Brooklyn Life.
This is indeed food for thought" re-
marked the chemist, as he started to
analyze forty-seven different kinds of
breakfast cerea1s.-Columbia Jester.
Whisky cannot talk, but it tells on Il
man.
A single quill often makes goose Of
many men.-Pennsylvania Punch Bowl.
He-I wish that l was Santa Claus,
my heart I'd give you. dear.
She-I wish that YOU were Christmas.
too; you'd come but once d year.-New
York Times.
Ethel-So Edith has finally caught the
nobleman she was trying to hook!
Marjory-Yes, she said in her last let
ter that he belonged TO the landed gentry.
Yale Record.
Il believe Clarence and Algy are get
ting TO be real wicked
Yes; | heard them talking about their
big black pipes in the sassiest way imay-
| Unable. indianapolis Sun.
''Sspose dey WIZ turkey fer ever
Pc man in de country"
'Wouidn't help matters any; dey'd sho'
reach. Atlanta Constitution.
Some men think a woman likes to be
obeyed; she does not, if she care for the
man. To disregard her orders needs a
certain amount Of audacity and self-con-
hdence--Heien AIilecete ia Lippincott's.
Little Wiihe-When you die, Mr.. Mark.
you will go right to heaven, won't you?
Mr.. M.-Why SO?
Little Willie-Sister says you are an
awfully good tbing--Butte Inter Noun
tain.
Shurenuff wish l went to
school in Russia
Satysfied-Why?
Shurenuff-It must take all day to call
the roll there.-Pennsylvania Punch
Bowl.
Where will get a marriage license?''
asked a young man in the city hall.
You might try the bureau of encum-
Drances, replied the man with the bald
head, as he passed on.-Yonkers States
man
Friend-You seem to have AS many
customers now as during the holidays
MISUNDERSTANDING those are fellows
coming to exchange the neckties their
wives bought them for Christmas.-Ex-
change.
Crawferd-l'm 6rst-rate at any kind of
a problem.
rabshaw-Then come home with me.
I live in fat and want to figure out
where to put the Christmas tree.-Town
Topics.
Mrs Newwed Cat dinner)-Mandy, why
do you serve nntcrackers with the tur-
key?
Mandy-Well, yo' done tole me to stuff
de turkey wifi observation-disclosures Free
Press.
Some day you will reap the conse-
quences of your SINS
Yes, of course. But there'll be lots Of
new harvesting machinery invented by
that me."-Cincinnati Commercial Tri-
bune.
Another Wall.
Paying for coal!
Paying for coali
Jack Frost is coming.
Plague his soul.
New York Evening Sun.
He-1 understand that you are to be
congratulated.
She-No. The engagement is broken
off.
He-That is what l heard Somerville
Journal
Domestic Pets.
My wife has parrot
And also q pug
NV pet is a little
Old eathenwcre Jug
New Orleans Times Democrat
First Freshman-Arent you coming to
English A?
Second Ditto-No. The instructor said
that if we wrote daily themes regularly