davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Grit-advocate., 1903-02-27
Tomb of Jeremy Benthann.

In University college, London, IS a
singular object that is preserved care
fully in a remote gallery inside a
glass case, which, again, is contained
in huge wooden cupboard, the doors
of which are locked and the keys in
safe custody. The relic which is
thus SO zealously guarded is described
in some notes on the history of the
college as the Skeleton" of Jeremy
Bentham. "clad in the garments in
which he lived" while his head only
1t has always been understood that
Bentham's body was embalmed, and
in that case it cannot be his mere
skeleton which is reposing there un-
der lock and key.
The Grit-advocate., 1903-02-27
Out Of the Ace.

Macmillan was an anachrOnism. He
belonged to the.age of knight-errantry.
For himself immolation was attractive
in comparison with cowardice and
meanness. The very motive which
impelled him to embrace that III
starred mission was noble and unset
fish. Those who fought against the
empire he sought to establish on
American soil always honored and
esteemed the man. There was none
among the true soldiers of Mexico who
did not respect his memory, and no
attempt to blot that pure scutcheon
will escape rebuke while one of them
survives.-Washingt Post.
The Grit-advocate., 1903-02-27
Novels Read by Statesmen.

Senator Platt of Connecticut hap
pened into a house committee room
and found Congressman Metcalfe Of
California reading. "A novel?' quer
led the Yankee gravely. Yes" Say,
Metcalfe. do you like detective stories
the one with Williams in em?" The
Californian showed him the title page
of the book he had been perusing. 1t
was a regular "Old Sleuth" affair. so
do l." said Platt, and then the two
statesmen began to discuss this par
ticular brand of literature
The Grit-advocate., 1903-02-27
Friends Thought Him Dead.

Ex-CCngressman Cultivate of Ohio
has been visiting Washington and was
surprised to find that nearly every.
body thought him dead. A Joseph H.
Cultivate of Ohio died recently. and
newspapers generally announced that
it was the former member of con-
gress who had departed the land OF
the living. Fifty times during the
past ten days" said Mr.. Cultivate.
Il have seen a startled look cCme into
the eyes of acquaintances when | met
them. Great Scott. ma they will
exclaim, 1 thought you were dead.
The Grit-advocate., 1903-02-27
WIFE OF MANY COLORS.
Boston Journal Sees Advantages In
Such Possession.

The Lady Chameleon is attracting
attention in Paris. She is a young
Roumanian. Marga Cerbus by name,
whose coloring is determined by her
emotions. Anxiety turns her green;
she is pink when joyful; violet when
afraid and black when angry. The
Boston Journal can see how such a
woman would be never-failing joy as
a wife. Her husband would never be
in doubt as to the precise nature OF
her mental condition. And then there
might come mildly polygamous feel
ing to a husband having white wife,
colored wife and a red wife on diff
ferent days. Yet Miss Cerbus will,
no doubt marry man that is color
blind, and therefore unappreciative;
such is the irony of life"
The Grit-advocate., 1903-02-27
A Call for Action,

A New England senator's fair con.
sttuent, with pension claim, is RS
ported to have written to him in the
following fashion: This beautiful
government, for which my husband
gave his health and for which we lost
our home, requires a good wife and
mother months and years to keep
swearing and swearing to even her
marriage and other things too numer.
GUS to mention. wish the whole pen.
sion department was obliged to go, as
| do, without their overcoats or decent
unierclcthes. | wish | held the reins
to keep their rightful pay from them
until they were purple as any old dam
son"
The Grit-advocate., 1903-02-27
University Coses Much Money.

John B. Stetson. a wealthy manu-.
facturer of Philadelphia. has cut from
lis will all provisions for the univer.
sity at Deland, Fla, which bears his
name. This step followed the action
Of the board of trustees in exonerat
ing the president of the institution,
Or. John f. Forbes, whose conduct
had been under investigation. Il GER
tainly shall not aid the university
longer under Its present manage.
ment," Mr.. Stetson is quoted as say
ing. 81 changed my will hurriedly as
soon as the action of the trustees was
taken for fear that | might die before
the clauses providing for the John B
The Grit-advocate., 1903-02-27
John kelIy's Son q Broker.

John Jerome Kelly, son Of the late
John Kelly, tho was leader of Tam
many Hall next before Croker, be-
came a member of the New York
Stock exchange a few days ago and
was initiated with degree of vio
lence which bore testimony to his pop
ularity. The members daubed his face
with paint and made him dance as
Indians dance in geography pictures.
The reason they hazed him that way
was because his father was a politi-
cal Indian and because Mr.. Kelly eX-
poets to do whatever brokerage bust
ness there is to be done for the Tam.
many Indians of this day.
The Grit-advocate., 1903-02-27
Mountaineer's Harsh Judument.

Bishop Coleman of Delaware goes
on tramp through the mountains of
West Virginia every summer and. of
course, has many odd experiences.
Last summer, clad in old and dust
covered clothes, he entered an inn
where several mountaineer; sat talk
ing. One of them with characteristic
hospitality invited him to take a
drink, but the bishop courteously de-
cllned. do you eat hay?" said the
native. why, no, my friend said
the stranger wonderingly. Then"
said the mountaineer with scorn, Il
don't think you are fit company for
man or beast. Come, boys, let's take
something"
The Grit-advocate., 1903-02-27
Wants State to Feed Legislators.

Representative Louis J. Tichacek of
st. Louis will introduce bill in the
Legislature providing that the state
shall furnish its legislators with
rooms and board during their stay in
Jefferson city. Mr.. Tichacek says he
is tired of rabbit pie and tough beef
steak and that as things are now a
man who lives in decent shape during
the legislative session can hardly
meet his expenses. He wants the
legislature to appropriate $4,000 for
the establishment of hote, which
could be used by members during the
session and by state officials at other
times. Then says he. ''if the
boarding house fails to supply stan
dard grub the state can be held re-
sponsible."
The Grit-advocate., 1903-02-27
LITTLE THOUGHTS.

There is always little water left
In the sponge.
Bad luck gets the blame for a lot
of poor judgment.
Great actions, like great men, ap-
pear only at intervals.
A pessimist is man who is always
looking for worms in chestnuts.
The touch of kindness that makes
the whole world kin is seldom ap-
piled.
When the poor pianist has music
on the rack the hearers are in the
same fix.
1t is great deal easier to be
good critic than to be even passable
performer.
Truth is stranger than fiction"
with some persons should be render
ed. Truth is more of a stranger tSan
fiction"
Girls, don't marry romantic youth
who is willing to die for you. Select
a man who is willing to earn a living
for you.
The man who is a fugitive from In
Justice must often run faster than
would be necessary if mere justice
were on his trail.
repeat that all power is trust,
and that we are accountable for it's
exercise; that from the people and
for the people all springs, and all
must exist.
The Grit-advocate., 1903-02-27
Protection for Animals.

Mtmicry among butterflies, moths
and other insects would be comic
Were it not matter of lie or death.
No. few moths have at the hinder
ends of their wings black mark and
two or more tails resembling the
horns of their own heads. A veteran
in warfare not seldom has these por-
tions missing-a proof of the value in
having saved his life. Thus the liz
ards brittle tail, which, first attract.
ing the enemy, comes off at his
touch, lets his would-be prey escape.
When at bay crabs distract the enemy
by throwing off their claws and lob.
sters do the trick yet more neatly by
selling the enemy with a claw and
then throwing off limb and enemy
Thus the bushy tail of the squirrel is
accounted for-there is a chance OF
escaping the enemy minus mouth
full of fur.
The Grit-advocate., 1903-02-27
Senator Hoar Finds Treasure

Senator Hoar heard the other day
that an old lady in reduced circum-
stances had fine portrait of Daniel
Webster. The senator, who owns the
largest and finest collection of Web
sterana in the country, hurried to
the address given and shortly owned
the painting, which is from the brush
of Chester Harding, well known in art
circles sixty years ago He thinks it
is one of the finest portraits of Web
6ter in existence.
The Grit-advocate., 1903-02-27
HOW THE PROFESSIONS DIFFER.
Comparison Made Between Clergymen
and Actors.

Han Caine is a great admlrer of the
thcater. He holds the actors art in
the highest esteem. On his recent
visit to America he met at matinee
New YORK clergyman. and the latter.
apropos of an attempted comparison
OF the church and stage, said: Actors
speak of imaginary things. and affect
Their hearers as though they spoke OF
real things. Clergymen speak of real
things, and their congregations are
no more affected than If they were
imaginary" Hall Caine smiled.
well don't you know why that is?"
he said. Actors speak of things
imaginary as though they were real,
and clergymen speak of things real as
though they were imaginary"
The Grit-advocate., 1903-02-27
A LADY With Pink Teeth.

The newest turn" in Partisan music
halls will shortly be the appearance
of lady with pink teeth. She is a
nat We of Canton, but born of French
pal nts. Her teeth, which are perfect
are of a semi-transparent substance
resembling paIe-colored coral. A dem
tist who has examined them say that
they will never decay. They are hard
as diamonds, and the latter gems are
the only material with which a marb
can be made on their surface.
The Grit-advocate., 1903-02-27
Ancient Deed of No Value

Representative kehoe of Kentucky
is the possessor Of very ancient
deed. which constituent il the blue
grass state has forwarded to him. 1t
is written on sheepskin, data in 1862,
and, as far as the lawyers of the house
who have seen it can Judge, it is in
perfect condition and legal form. Mr.
Kehoe's constituent is anxious to
know whether this deed for a large
tract Of land in Pennsylvania near
Lancaster is of any value, but the
Pennsylvania legal lights OF the house
say that it Is not.
The Grit-advocate., 1903-02-27
A MiIIionaire's Extravagance.

Pedro Alvarado, the Mexican silver
millionaire, was poor miner, work.
ing for so cents day. when he dis.
him a fortune of S50,00O,O00. 1t is be-
lieyed that the Palmillo mine, which
he owns. will double this fortune in a
few years. A week or so ago his wife
decided that she needed the service
Of a dentist, so the Alvarado family
Travelled from Parral, their home, to
Chihuahua in special train, some
thirty persons in all. They and their
belongings took up dozen cars.
The Grit-advocate., 1903-02-27
Officials Unicue SIGNATURE.

Through the retirement of Col. An
drew n. Damrell, which took place re-
Gently, the records of the regular
army engineer corps will lose the
most remarkable signature known in
the service. His name as appended to
official papers was simply a series of
absolutely undecipherable marks,
though his handwriting otherwise is
remarkably plain. The colonel
Massachusetts man. entered West
Point in 1860 and has a creditable ca
reer. He has had charge of many i'm
portant river and harbor projects.
The Grit-advocate., 1903-02-27
The BrookIynitc.

Ex-Lieut. Gov. Woodruff, at the
Lincoln club, Brooklyn, was asked by
quizzing fellow wmember if he knew
the reason why the inhabitants of
their borough were called Brooklyn
ties. ITO be sure do promptly re-
piled the genial Tim" with his most
expansive smile. misunderstanding
election daylight is the only time
they are ever there!"-Ncw York
Times,
The Grit-advocate., 1903-02-27
Should Women Work?

Prof. thinner Of Berlin, has been In
vestigating the cause of insanity
among women, and has come to the
conclusion that If women are ad-
mitted into competition with men
mendous increase of insanity among
the women. He finds that the percent
age of women teachers who become
insane is almost double that of the
men teachers.
The Grit-advocate., 1903-02-27
Oriqin Of Monroe Ooctorina.

Monroe had just paid his physician
$500 for curing cold. Thereupon he
laid in supply of quinine, blankets
and whisky, thus founding the great
system of Monroe doctoring which has
made America so healthy that the
other powers tremble.
The Grit-advocate., 1903-02-27
WHAT ONE WOMAN OBSERVES.

Marriage should be the victory of
altruism, but it is the victory of ego
tism.
In the game of life men pin their
faith to clubs when they are weak
in hearts.
Men like to accuse women of waver-
ing affection-after all they are but
seeking constant man.
Married people always encourage
engagements, from desire to make
other foxes cut their brushes off, says
the Philadelphia Inquirer.
Many mans grievance If held to
the light would show the brand Of the
great manufacturer, himself.
Wherever women are honored the
gods are satisfied.
IN a multitude of cases, the love OF
woman tends to increase prodigi-
ously mans affection for himself.
.
Men require perfection from women
and with magnificent egotsm think
they are honorlng then In SO doing.
The Grit-advocate., 1903-02-27
WINTER MAxlMS.
A blizzard is boom for charity

A blizzard is boom for charity,
There'll be a cold time in the old
town tonight.
Keep warm by helping somebody
that can't keep warm.
People are not responsible when
they are cold and empty.
There's whole lot of true religion
in big bowl of hot soup.
II you have any old clothes to shed,
prepare to shed them now.
II you must turn the cold shoulder
to the poor, do it in summer.
Whatever else the cold may con.
tract don't let it contract your char
ity.
Old overcoats given in charity these
cold days covereth a multitude OF
skins.
1t looks a little like running 1t in
when a man must freeze to death on
an empty stomach.
A freezing man won't make much
effort to be good when he knows that
hell is a warm place.
The millionaire may take his money
out of cold storage at this season
without fear that it will spoil
The real winter sports" are the
men and women who won't let any
body suffer if they can prevent it.
Kick the street beggar off of the
earth, If you will, but fill him full OF
food first, and he will be softer to
kick.
While you are in your warm house
thinking how cold the weather is,
please remember that there are others
outside who know how cold it is
Golfers Weekly.
The Grit-advocate., 1903-02-27
SPARkLES OF TRUTH.

Anger ventilated often hurries to-
ward forgiveness; anger concealed
often hardens into revenge.-Bulwer.
The best way to do good to our
selves is to do it to others, the right
way to gather is to scatter.-Richter.
Never argue at the dinner table,
for the one who is not hungry always
Arrogance is always the sign of a
little and unbenevolent temper having
no more greatness in it than the swell
ing of the dropsy.-Collier.
The Grit-advocate., 1903-02-27
Novel Road-Makinu.

A new road for transport by auto
mobile is being constructed in the
Congo Free State, and at present it
extends 45O kilometres. The method
pursued is simple enough. All that
Is done is to drive a herd of forty
elephants three or four times over the
track marked out by surveyors. They
level down distractions as efficiently
as steam roller
The Grit-advocate., 1903-02-27
Power Of Birds,

What tremendous power an eagle
exerts when carrying away a lamb
that weighs. say, sixty pounds or over!
If you take the weight of the bird al
together, 76 pounds, then it appears
that an eagle can develop more than
two horsepower, and must put
strain Of over LOO pounds on the
muscles Of the wings.
The Grit-advocate., 1903-02-27

Much Railroad Property Condemned.
Local inspectors OF the Wheeling
division of the Baltimore & Ohio rail-
road have condemned $500 box cars.
flats. etc, as lightweight or light ca
pacity. The condemned cars will be
burned and the iron sold as scrap.
The Grit-advocate., 1903-02-27
Fighting Grasshopper Pest.

Tubes of gelatine containing germs
of a disease warranted to kill Iocusts
and grasshoppers are to be distrib-
uted to American farmers. Several
insects will be inoculated AID then
released in order to spread the dis
ease.
The Grit-advocate., 1903-02-27

Some men are thought saCacious
merely on account of their avarice.
whereas child can clench its fist the
moment it is born.-Shenstone.
Avarice reigns most in those who
have but few good qualities to com
mend them; it is a weed that will
grow only in barren soiI.-Hughes.
Avaricc, in old age, is foolish: for
what can be more absurd than to in
crease our provisions for the road the
nearer we approach to our journeys
end?-Cicero.
There are bad examples that are
verse than crimes, and more states
have perished from the violation of
morality than from the violation OF
law.-Montesquieu
TIE conscience of children Is form
ed by the influences that surround
them; their notions of good and evil
are the result of the moral atmosphere
they breathe.-Richter.
Whatever parent gives his children
good instruction, and sets them at the
same time bad example, may be con-
sidered as bringing them food in one
and poison in the other.-Balgay.
The avaricious man is like barren
sandy ground of the desert which
sucks in all the rain and dew with
greediness. but yields no fruitful herbs
or plants for the benefit of others
Zeno.
The avarice of the miser is the
grand sepulcher of all his other pas
sions as they successfully decay; but
unlike other tombs it is enlarged by
reflection and strengthened by age
Cotton.
To acknowledge our faults when We
are blamed is modesty; to discover
them to ones friends, in ingenious
ness, is confidence; but to proclaim
them to the world. if one does not
take care, is spride.-Confucius.
The Grit-advocate., 1903-02-27
WITH THE SkcES.

Some men are thought sagacious
merely on account of their avarice;
whereas a child can cIench its fist the
moment it is born.-Shenstone.
The Grit-advocate., 1903-02-27
THE RIGHT KIND OF PHiLAN-
THPCPT.
A Liberal Donation to Encourage
Fruuality.

On December 20, 1902. the accom-
panying letter. addressed to Mr.. E. NJ.
Johnson, president of the Fidelity Saw
ings Association, Denver. written by
prominent citizen Of the same city.
was received and published in the Den
yer daily papers:
"Mr. T.. NJ Johnson, President the FL
deity Savings Association. Denver,
Colorado:
Dear Sir-Desiring to encourage
frugality among employees and wage
earners generally. | herewith enclose
you my check for 5000 as a New Years
gift to the public to be equally dis
tributed to the first $50 employees or
members Of their families opening saw
ings accounts with you, giving 50 to
each. The conditions | make are as
follows:
THAT each of the $50 applicants
man, woman or child-shall deposit
at least SO in addition to the 81 which
! will give them free, at the time OF
opening the account, which will give
them a start of IS: and that each per-
son taking advantage of this offer
must continue the account with you
for at least a year. at the end OF
which period their respective books
must show a total deposit of not less
than $50.
las | make this offer to encourage
saving. the necessity for these condi-
tions is manifest.
Trusting that $50 worthy employees
or members of their families will take
advantage of this offer | remain.
Yours respectfully,
This incentive to frugality was SO
highly appreciated that the $50 ac-
counts were opened within six days.
and the amount of the liberal gift was
thus early exhausted while applIca-
tons continued to pour in, each desir-
ing to open an account under the con-
ditions stated in the communication.
At a special meeting of the board OF
directors of the Fidelity Savings AS
sociation it was decided to emul.ite the
noble example of the donor OF the
5000 by contributing 5000 on the same
terms and conditions; adding, how
ever, that deposits must average 81
or more per month, but restricting the
applications to out-of-town depositOrs.
Three hundred of our readers are
therefore offered the same opportunity
an opportunity of receiving 81 as an
absolute gift
1t is to encourage banking by mail
that this liberal offer was decided
upon.
The Fidelity Savings Association is
one of Denver's most substantial in
sttutions. The growth of this asso-
citation may be judged by the follow
ing figures.
In 1890 the assets of the Fidelity
Savings Association were 50, ,l42.74. In
1902 the assets had grown to 81 49,
1OS49
AS the offer is limited to 300 new
depositors throughout Colorado, Wyo-
ming and neighboring states, our citi-
zens will have to get up and hustle
to get their share of this 5000.
Banking by mail is becoming quite
a feature with the Fidelity Savings
Association of Denver which pays five
per cent. on savings deposits, interest
compounded scmi-annually.
The Grit-advocate., 1903-02-27
NEXT MORNING PHILOSOPHER.

The quiet man is generally there in
an emergency.
The cover is often the best thing
about the book.
Industry may not be ultra fashion
able, but it is deserving.
With a great many people honor
runs a close race with profit
Those who cater to evil propensities
never satisfy the hunger of their pa
irons.
Social reformers seldom think 1t
worth while to qualify themselves for
their task.
The Grit-advocate., 1903-02-27
HOUSE CLEANING HELPS.

Mustard water is said to be excel
lent for cleansing the hands after
handling odorous substances.
To scour knives easily, mix a small
quantity of baking soda with brick or
coal ashes and they will polish well.
To remove grease from coat col
lars and the glossy look from elbows
ammonia.
To remove mildew rub common vel.
low soap on the damaged spot and
sift starch on that; rub it in well and
lay out in the sun.
To clean bathtubs, use whiting and
ammonia, rubbed on thoroughly; for
brass, use a combination of rotten
stone and oil; for sink and bathtub
pipes, use one-half pint of washing
soua dissolved in six quarts of boiling
water.
To mend china, make very thick
solution OF gum arabic in water, and
stir into it plaster or Paris until the
mixture becomes the proper consist
ency. Apply with brush to the
broken edges and stick them to-
gether; let it remain undisturbed for
three days.
To oil floor, use boiled linseed oil
with one-third of turpentine; clean
all paint and floors with flannel cloth
wrung out of hot soapsuds, and then
wipe absolutely dry with another
piece of flannel. Never allow a scrub
bing brush to be used, nor let the
wood become watersoaked by careless
washing and drying.
The Grit-advocate., 1903-02-27

How happy one might be if one
were able to get callouses on ones
finger and thumb clipping coupons!
The Grit-advocate., 1903-02-27

The organization of a monkey-and
parrot trust will be sad blow at New.
ports swell society.-Grand Rapids
Herald. 1t ought to raise-what war
is-all over the shop.
The Grit-advocate., 1903-02-27

Avarice reigns most in those who
have but few good qualities to com
mend them; it is weed that will
grow only in barren soiI.-Hughes.
The Grit-advocate., 1903-02-27

If all the press agents were to be-
come suddenly '"uthful the world of
fiction would receive a hard jolt.
The Grit-advocate., 1903-02-27

To scour knives easily, mix a small
quantity of baking soda with brick o.
coal ashes and they will polish well.
The Grit-advocate., 1903-02-27

To remove grease from coat col
lars and the glossy look from elbows
and seams, rub with cloth dipped in
ammonia.
The Grit-advocate., 1903-02-27

Signor Marconi, the inventor OF
wireless telegraphy, is said to have
wooed and won the pretty daughter Of
a Cape Breton misunderstanding
Courier-Journal. When Marconi bows
to Cupid he pays homage to the inven-
tor Of an older system OF wireless
telegraphy.
The Grit-advocate., 1903-02-27

Mustard water is said to be excel
lent for cleansing the hands after
handling odorous substances.
The Grit-advocate., 1903-02-27
MUSINGS.

Human kickers should go the mule
one better and kick ahead
A late supper sometimes demon.
strates that the nightmare is the bet
ter horse.
The Grit-advocate., 1903-02-27

Avaricc, in old age, is foolish: for
what can be more absurd than to in
crease our provisions for the road the
nearer we approach to our journeys
end?-Cicero.