The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1903-10-26
HUMOR OF TIE DAY.

HUMOR OF TIE DAY.
Upgardson-'sI give it up. I'm no
good at conundrums. Tell me the an
swer yourself" Altom-"Well. this hot
weather is like the life insurance game
| because you'll have to die to beat it,
Chicago Tribune.
Strange, isn't it, remarked the
talkative man, that oil should be used
TO calm troubled waters?'' HUH
! snorted the Kentuckian. ITS stranger
still that any one should trouble water"
Philadelphia Ledger.
Ascum-'I read in the financial
news this morning that money is easier
now. What on earth does that mean?"
Brokeleigh-"Perhaps it means that it
goes easier I'm sure I don't find that
it comes any easier.
Press.
Hilton-"Isn't it funny thing for
you to put up the sign, Beware of the
dog ?" Wilton-'Oh, don't know. At
any rate it is severely practical. 1t
costs a good deal less to maintain the
sign than it would cost to keep a dog
Boston Transcript.
ing to convert one of the natives.
Suppose me Christian, me go to 11eav~
en?" remarked All Sin.
Yes replied the missionary.
"All lite" retorted the heather, but
what for you no let Chinaman into
Amelica when you let him ii1te~p eaven?"
''Ah," said the niSsiol5ary With rervor,
there's no labor party in heaven
Argonaut.
Worthy Scots are reported as having
no inclination for lamenting the death of
Max O'Rell The reason is contained In
md ffoV@
had refused to serve the Frenchman at
table
TITS mo- to be expected" said he. that
a self-respecting Scotsman could serve
him with ceeveelity. Did he no. say we
took to the kilt because our feet were too
large to get through trousers? -
Youths Companion.
This commercial struggle is terri
ble," said the man who takes everything
he reads seriously. Whats the trou-
ble?' THE patent food people are try
ing to make everybody SO healthy that
there will be no one left for the patent
medicine people to cure. "-Washingto
Star.
Hiller-They say money talks, you
know.
West-Yes. but when you are propos-
ing to a girl with lots of money, it is
the girl and not the money that has to
speak.-Boston Transcript.
you can't exactly git ter heaven in
automobile" said Brother Dickey. but
jedgin' by de way dey pitchin' folks over
de hilltops, dey kin give you a good start
on de upward roadl"-Atlanta Constiru-
tion
Mrs. Fettle-Certainly you are the
worst boy ever saw in all my life!
Tommy Fettle-That's saying a good
deal, ma; but it isn't natural for a wo-
man to fall in love with a fellow OF her
own flesh and blood.-Boston Tran
script.
eff YOU don't mind suddenly exclaimed
! the timid young man, who had finally
screwed up sufficient courage to turn out
You needn't have done that, Mr.. SLOW
said the sweet girl calmly "A dark room
| is not necessary for the development OF
l this negative. r-Philadelphi Press.
Experience teaches, but some of the
pupils act as if they had been paying un-
due attention to football.-Puck.
| On the morning after her arrival at a
Wisconsin summer resort dashng bru-
nette who was in her seventh season and
! the landlords desk and haushtily demand
: ed her bill. May 1 ask what is the trou-
| BILE, ma amp gasPed the astoniShed land
lord. rs there anything unsatisfec Glory %
Everything is unsatisfactory, sir" she
retorted. Il came here for rest and quiet
and your place is overrun with young
men. Chicago Tribune.
IT see you have chicken for dinner"
| "Yessuh." said Mr.. Erastus Pinkley.
ST hope you bought the chicken.
| sFWen, no: but the transaction were
| strictly regular. Dat chicken has been
roostin on my fence fob months wifout
! payin' muffin. an I reckoned it w ere
bout time to foreclose. w ashington
Star.
What was the matter with your Ham
let company? Didn't the ghost walk?"
| asked Lowe Comedy
mo, he ran-ran off with the box office
receipts. That was why the rest of US
/ walked. Press.
Jack proposed to me this morning!"
Did you accept himT
Yes"
Then your prophecy has come true?"
| What prophecy"
| why, last night you said Jack was fool
| ish enough to do anything! N
Life.
why do you call this farewell con-
cert? You know the chances are that this
singer will return as usual
! Yes but it gives the purchaser OF
farewell to his money. Washington Star.
You haven't held public office very
long. have you?'' asked the stranger
what makes you think So? returned
the new incumbent
81 see you're working just as though
| you expected your salary to be cut on II
you didn't earn it."-Chicago Record