davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-06-23
WEDDING THEM OUT.
How the Minister Found the Man whe
Didn't Sign.


'I smile over it even now," declared
the well-known minister of the gospel
who was in a reminiscent mood. 1T
was my first church and l was am
bilious to make good showing. We
were sadly in need of a new church
and 1 decided to make an attempt to
get one. The congregation was not a
wealthy one and l fully realized that
it would be a difficult matter to secure
the needed funds. Knowing that many
are sensitive over the fact that they
are not able to give as much as others.
/ tried the plan of having them write
the amount they were willing to give
upon a card and put it In small en-
yelope that I furnished.
"Well, I collected the envelopes and
took them in my study to look over.
The amount pledged was very satisfac-
tory but there was one card calling for
500 that was unsigned. At first l
thought this was an oversight then
thinking / recognized the writing, l
was not so sure There was only one
member who wrote a hand like 1t and
that was Deacon Jones, a man who
had reputation Of being very close.
Now $10O was none too much for him
to give, although 1 had not expected
to get more than $25 from him. 1 dis
tinctly remembered seeing him make
a great show Of dropping his envelope
in the hat when it was passed and
as there was no card with his name
I felt sure that the unsigned card was
his and that he was aware that he had
not signed it.
"Well, the next Sunday-remember
was young-I resolved upon a bold
plan," continued the minister, accord
ing to the Detroit Free Press. 81 arose
and requested all those who had hand
ed in an envelope the Sunday before
to stand up. This they did, the deacon
among them. Then, as I read list
of givers I had made from the cards,
requested them to be seated. One
by one they sat down, and when my
list was exhausted only the deacon
was standing, and he was pretty red
in the face. 1 blandly explained mat
ters, invited the deacon to sign his
card, and after he had done SO, much
against his will, announced the hymn
Praise God from Whom All Blessings
Flow"
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-06-23
HIDES DRUG IN HER HAIR.

How q Patient I'm Sanitarium Got q
supply Of Morphine.
''It Ii wen known" said a nurse in
an uptown sanitarium to a New York
Times man, that women addicted to
morphine will resort to all sorts of
tricks to hide the drug for use when
they know it will be kept from them.
I am wise as they say, on all the
violet bonbons, bouquets, chocolate
drops and similar resources OF that de-
scription in which morphine is secret
ed. But the other day l was assigned
to the care of patient who beat nae.
Her supply Of morphine was gradually
reduced until the second day of treat
ment, and then cut off altogether.
Still the patient continued to get NOR
phine. There was no doubt about
that. Not only myself but every nurse
and employe in the house was under
suspicion. The patient was a woman
with a beautiful and bountiful sup
ply Of hair. Her husband, who visit
ed her twice a day, was virtually ac-
cused Of bringing her the drug and
he was naturally indignant.
what do you suppose I am pay
ing good money for cure for?'' he
asked
''The fourth day the doctor in at
tendance stood for a long time over
the patient, who was drowsy with
morphine. Suddenly he put his arms
around her and lifted her to sitting
posture.
Now he said, we are going to
comb your hair and perhaps you will
feel refreshed
The patient fought like a wildcat,
and the secret was out She had
enough morphine hidden in her hair
to last her six weeks If we had NOT
found It out"
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-06-23

pests? What more futile anger in all
the world than that directed against
one Of those long-legged, long-billed
tormenters Of the night?
We have all known the poignant
agony of a night with the mosquitoes
and we all feel the need of a reform.
Why does not the President Of these
United States get to work to suppress
these vile pests that cumber the earth
az with a pestilential and noxious
fog?
Why have we elected him to the high
ONCE he occupies If he is to allow these
paltry little insects to make our lives
miserable? Something should be done,
and that right quickly. If the Repubii-
can party will not take up this burning
issue, then the Democrats should seize
upon 1t with avidity.
Who is there with soul so dead who
would not vote for a straight ticket
for any party that would put an anti
mosquito plank in it's platform? The
political organization that will take up
this question will find victory perching
on its banners at the next election like
a crow on scarecrew.
There is no other question SO i'm
portant The tariff sinks back into in
nocuous desuetude. The trust question
looks like pea beside a pumpkin in
comparison. The money question falls
back so far in the backness that it
looks like the small end of the smallest
needle in the world a mile away.
What we want is an eradication of
the insects that fly by night and make
life one long torture.
We Demand some relief. We insist
upon measures for the amelioration Of
the condition Of our people at night
We call upon all men to take up the
cry for reform.
The mosquito must go. He usually
does SO, but alas, he comes back again.
-Chic2Io Chronicle
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-06-23
THE WICKED MOSQUITO.
Nocturnal Visitant Who Leaves Rage
and Bites in His Wake.

It is our painful duty to call atten-
tion once again to the fact that the
mosquitoes are with us.
No sooner doth the grass begin to
peep forth from the ground and the
violets get hump on themselves than
there is sound Of buzzing in the land.
From sundry swamps, from odd pools
and from sluggish streams there arises
a sound Of ominous import. Try as we
will we cannot escape that haunting
sound. There is nothing else like it
ia all the world. It is the forerunner
of disaster.
Who hath not lain awake at night
when the summer heat was terrific and
heard the soft hum Of the mosquito
as he fitted hither and yon in the dark
ness?
Who hath not wondered when the
pesky thing was going to alight? Who
hath not waited in fendish delight to
let the insect get it's bill sunk deeply
into the skin, and then slapped savage
" with intent to kill, only to find that
the mosquito had departed with his
bill full Of blood for other unprotected
spots?
Who hath not slapped himself almost
to death during a particularly trying
night and not landed one of the vicious
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-06-23

There is more Catarrn In TINS section of the
country than all other diseases put together,
and until the last few years was supposed to be
incurable. For great many years doctors pro.
nounced it local disease, and prescribed local
remedies. and by constantly failing to cure
with local treatment, pronounced it incurable.
Science has proven catarrh to be constitu-
tional disease, and therefore requires constitu-
.ional treatment. Halls Catarrh Cure, man
ufactured by F. J. Cheney Co., Toledo, Ohio,
ID the only constitutional cure on the market.
1t is taken internally in doses from 10 drops to
a teaspoonful. 1t acts directly ON the blood
and mucous surfaces of the system. They OFFER
one hundred dollars for any case it fails TO
cure. Send for circulars and testimonials. Ad.
dress, F.J. CHENEY d CO., Toledos O.
Sold by Druggists, 75c.
He1ls Family Pills are the best.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-06-23
THE HOME MADE BALL.

Two grown-up boys of sixty were
standing in front Of window in which
were displayed all sorts Of games and
sporting goods. There were several
boxes full of baseballs which ranged
in price from ten cents to dollar and
a half.
"Our young fellows have too much
Of their fun ready-made for them"
said one. "Look at those baseballs,
which my young gentleman Of ten or
fifteen with his allowance of several
thousand dollars a week." the other
grinned-"more or less. buys by the
dozen, throws around and loses.
doubt If he has SO good time as I
did. Ever make baseball"
Hundreds of 'em. Hundreds Of 'em.
Do you remember how we used to
watch for old rubber boots so we could
use the heels?"
Eyes, indeed Real rubber, they were
then, too. Made a fine core. If you
didn't start with a good core. the other
fellows ball would bounce higher. A
fellow was pretty poor stuff that
couldn't bounce his ball over the she'd"
"And mother used to give us the
yarn. That never seemed extravasant
to her, although maybe she objected if
we spent a nickel for candy"
81 used to get enough yarn to make 8
ball from my old Aunt Emma. as pay
for holding five skeins."
did you put hard twine on the out
side before you put on the cover7"
"Yes. Fine. hard twine or small fish
line. That was little more expensive,
but-well, / made great balls!'
$50 did L. My brother taught me to
cut the cover from old boot tops. Quar-
ters, you know-pieces shaped like
pieces Of orange peel"
Eyes, I've made 'em that way, too,
but sometimes we cut the leather in
two dumb -bell-shaped pieces, like those
balls in the window there. Then we
sewed 'em with waxed thread"
"Say I'm going to teach that boy of
mine to make a baseball. There are
some things absolutely necessary to a
liberal education. Good-byw
"Goodby! 1 suppose 1 shall see you
at the directors meeting at fourT'
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-06-23
DOCTOR ADVOCATED OPERATION
PE-RU-NA MADE KNIFE UNNECESSARY.

Catarrh is very frequent cause of
that class of diseases popularity known
as female weakness.
Catarrh of the pelvic organs pro-
duces such variety of disagreeable
and irritating symptoms that many
peopIe-in fact, the M njority of people
nave no idea that they are caused by
catarrh.
If all the women who are suffering
with any form of female weakness
would write to DIR. Hartman. Column
bus, Ohio, and give him q complete
description of their symptoms and the
peculiarities of their troubles, he will
Immediately reply with complete direc-
tions for treatment, free of charge.
Mrs. Eva Bartho, 1873 East I7th
street, N. Y. City. N. Y, writes:
"I suffered for three years with
leucorrhea and liberation of the womb.
The doctor advocated an operation
which ! dreaded very much, and
strongly objected to 60 under 1t. Now
! am a changed woman. Peruna cured
me; it took nine bottles, but l felt SO
much improved l kept taking 1t, as
dreaded an operation so much. am
today in perfect health and have not
felt so well for fifteen years. Mrs.
Eva Bartho.
Miss Maui Steinbach, 1899 18th st.,
Milwaukee, Wis, writes:
'tLast winter I felt sick most of the
time, was irregular and suffered from
nervous exhaustion and severe bearing
down pains. I had so frequently heard
of Peruna and what wonderful cures it
performed so I sent for bottle and in
four weeks my health and strength were
entirely restored to me. Miss Maud
Steinbach.
Everywhere the women are using Pc
runa and praising it. Peruna is not /
the cause of female disease.
nr. Hartman has probably cured
any other living physician. He makes
mending Peruna.
If you do not derive prompt and {
runa, write at once to DIR. Hartman, gi
he will be pleased to give you his valus
Address DIR. Hartman, President
bus, Ohio.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-06-23
Brutal Treatment of Wife.

Husband-Don't you think that you
are rather unreasonable to expect me
to take you to ball, stay awake until
O'Clock and then get up at 8 to 60 to
my work?
Wife-I may be a little unreaRon-
able, but it's perfectly brutal of you to
mention it.-New York Weekly.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-06-23
One Point of View.

ST am very much afraid that you do
not appreciate the spirit of free coun-
try"
sob, yes do." answered the man
who had recently landed in New York,
in a dialect which it Is needless to re-
produce.
"What do you understand by free
countryT
s'It is place where you are free to
do as you choose If you can manage to
get on the police force. e."-Washingt
Star
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-06-23
A Convenient Conscience,

a Convenient COnscience.
ct don't believe he has any cons
cience at ALL"
sob, yes, he has,"
"Not SO much of one.'
"No; not much of one, of course.
In fact, it's of such trifing Importance
that when he beats some one out of ST.
900 he can square things with it by
contributing $3.50 to charity. Still it's
a conscience.'''
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-06-23
"Real Indian"

A young woman recently received
instruction IN the art Of Indian basket
ry, and had made several copies of
Indian baskets of which she was very
proud. A friend, who had been living
In Arizona, called upon the young wo-
man, who showed the baskets with
considerable pride.
''They are really very well done" !"
commented the visitor, ''but of course
they are not the real Indian bas-
kets."
"why, Mrs. Sawyer" Indignantly
exclaimed the maker, ''how can you
say that, when just told you that I
made them myselfP
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-06-23
Salt Water Kills Snakes.

Owing to the scarcity of fresh water
in the district of Colac, Victoria, Aus
tralia, large numbers of snakes sought
refuge in Lake Beeac recently. The
salt water, however, killed thousands
of the reptiles, whose lifeless bodies
were found lying about the shores of
the lake.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-06-23
The Four Minute Egg.

Cynical Boarder-Here, waiterl
Waitsr-Yes, sab; yes, sahl
Cynical Boarder-When asked you
for four-minute egg you evidently
misunderstood. I meant one that has
been in boiling water for that period
and not one that lacked four minutes
of Matching.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-06-23
Cause for Alarm.

"Say, DOCTOR" exclaimed an excited
man as he dashed into the pill dispens-
er's private Office, "I want you to make
an examination as to my sanity"
"What reason have you fer believing
yourself candidate for the padded
cell2" asked the M. d.
Well, I happened to run across a
package of letters this morning that I
wrote to my wife during our courtship,"
was the significant reply.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-06-23
Hoods Sdrs0DQrilLd
Taking Time BY the Forelock.

The cook - Would you mind giving me
recommendation, ma'am?
The Mistress-Why, you have only
just come.
The Cook-But you may not want to
give me wan when I do be leaving
Life.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-06-23
No Extra Charge Made.

No Extra Charge Made.
"Wow!" yelled the victim. "See
here, barber! You've cut off part of
my ear"
$50 have" replied the barber cool
ly, ''but calm yourself. We make no
extra charge Tor correcting facial blem-
ishes. I'll trim the other ear down to
a decent size too" - Philadelphia
Press,
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-06-23
Important Part.

81 trust" said the wardboss, 'that
We will be able to roll up a handsome
majority for you."
ST don't care whether it's handsome
or not, ''replied the candidate, ''just so
it's majority"
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-06-23
? Mrs. EVA BARTHo. E
Overheard In q Crowd.

Mrs. Harris-How do the, make the
balloons 60 up?
Mrs. Gamp-They toss some sand
out, to be sure.
Mrs. Harris-And what do they do
when they want to come downf
Mrs. Gump-They put some more in,
of course.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-06-23
Important Commission.

Pa-Ostend, in the front of this die
tienary you will find "the flags of all
nations" 1t is complete.
Ostend-CompIete nuthin'l Why,
they amt even got the baseball pen
nant among dem.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-06-23
DiDlOmaCy.

Mrs. Housekeep-It's almost impos-
sfble to get servant girl these days.
You've got to keep telling them what
they must do and even then they won't
stay!
Mrs. Hakt-Gra cious, no! l only
manage to keep mine by constantly
telling them what they are respectful.
ly requested to do. = Philadelphia
Press.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-06-23
Expectation and Realization.

Expectation and Realization.
Olden-You're cultivating rather ex-
trsvagant tastes.
Youngman-Oh, we'll, when I get a
start in the world expect to have all
the money want.
O.den-Well, at that rate, you'll
want all the money you expect to have.
-Philaaelphia Press.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-06-23
Time Table Told the Story.

''It strikes me that this is about the
slowest railroad in the country" said
the impatient tourist.
Iknew you were going to KICK" re-
piled the conductor, genially, "as soon
as you asked for a time table. You are
one of these people who believe every
thing they see in print"
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-06-23
He Is Everywhere.

Mrs Stubb-I declare, John, there is
one man who must be the worst in the
country.
Mr. Stubb-What is his name, Ma
ria?
Mrs. stubb- Why, John Doe, have
seen where he was fined as often as ten
times in one day.-Chicago News.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-06-23
Her Comment.

softleigh - Yaas, I always cahwy
an umbrella, doncher know.
Miss Cutting II always suspected
that you didn't know enough to go in
when it rains.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-06-23
Indirect Answer,

Borem-Do you believe that suicide
is q sin?
Miss Caustic-Well, in your case I
think it would be permissible.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-06-23
Preparing for the Fray.

Mrs. Neighbors - What's that aw-
full racket upstairs? sounds like
wild Indian had broken loose.
Mrs. Bleechers - Oh, that's my
husband. He's brushing the dust off
his baseball vocabulary.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-06-23
A Quibbler.

'Would you quit smoking for my
sake?" asked she
Certainly" answered the cold
blooded man; "if there was any occas.
ion for it But I fail to see why I
should begin smoking for your sake in
the first place" Washington Star
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-06-23
HORRIBLY AFFLICTED WITH BoILs.

I had Q horrible
attack OF b oils
that broke out all
over my body and
from whick I
could get aspos.
sible relief until
7 b Q g . n taking
your nedieine,
and fron my en-
perience . 7 can
safely say s.. 3. g.
il the best blood
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-06-23
Added to British Empire.

Three hundred and fifty square miles
have been added to the British Empire
by the ratification of the frontier be-
tween India and Thibet.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-06-23
American In Oxford ..Eieht. :"

American In Oxford ssEight.''
D. Milburn, son Of the we'll known
Buffalo lawyer in whose house Prssi-
dent Mckinley died, is member of
the Oxford boat crew this year. His
almost equally athletic brother has
missed the "eight."
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-06-23
HAS Posed Many Presidents

George G. lockwood, Photographic
has posed every president since Van
Buren,. He has been photographer
over fifty years.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-06-23

eife Permanently c,r.u 30 nus OF nervousness
J1BO after first days of DIR. Klines Great NarW
aesterer Send for FREE trial bottle and treat
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-06-23

You Can Get A1Isn's Foot Ease FREE.
Write Allen 8. Olmsted, Leroy, N. Y, for 0
free sample of Aliens Foot Ease. 1t cures chill
blains, sweating, damp, swollen, aching feet
1t makes new or tight shoes easy. A certain
cure for Corns and Bunions. All druggists sell
it. Csc. Don't accept any substitute.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-06-23
Useless Tip.

His Honor-Don't you know honesty
is the best policy?
Erastus - Deed I dom belieb in
plyain' policy no more sab; rs done
reformed.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-06-23

Piso's Cure Is good cough medicine.
It has cured coughs and colds for forty
years. At druggists, 25 cents.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-06-23
Scarcely a Day.

Passes but we are called upon to perform
some difficult dental operation that is
the direct result OF neglecting the teeth.
We cannot urge too strongly the benefit
and economy of consulting dentist at
the very first sign of tooth trouble. At
the start these troubles are corrected
quickly and at small cost. Our methods
are painless and our work guaranteed
Both phones: Oregon South 2291;
Columbia S69. Open evenings till ..
Sundays from to u.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-06-23
Would Help Her Out.

Would help Her OuC.
Mrs. Hiram-You may stay until
your week is up, Bridget, but when you
60 I must tell you I won't be able to
write you letter of recommendation.
Bridget-Don't let yer want Of eddi-
cation imbarrass ye, madam. Oi'll
write it fur ys, an ye can make yer
mark to it.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-06-23
Cotton Mill at Quito.

A Gotten mill to be built at Quito,
the capital of Ecuador, must be car
ried ON the backs of mules through
the Andes, passing point 160O6 feet
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-06-23
4 Good Beginning g

the blood good condition the beginning
disease be troubled with bols
blackheads
that make life veritable torment and misery.
the time cleansing building
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-06-23
The Three Causes.

Congratulate me, old chap. I'm
the happiest man on earth today"
Engaged, married or divorced?"
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-06-23

"The Klean, Kool Kitchen Kind" of stoves
keep you clean and cool Economical and
always ready. Sold at good stove stores.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-06-23
Russian PHOTOGRAPHERS,

In Russia no photographer can prac
tiee his art without license.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-06-23

The Effect of Running.
Running lessons the blood supply
in the legs.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-06-23

plooG Ina strengthening the weak
places in your constitution. During the
cold winter months we are compelled
to live indoors and breathe the impure
air of badly ventilated rooms and of
fees. We over-work and over-eat, and
get too little outdoor exercise, and our
systems become c1ogged with impure
ties and the blood hot-bed of germs
and humors of every kind, and warm
weather is sure to bring reaction,
and the poisonous matter in the blood
and system will break out in boils and
pustu1es or sca1y eruptions and red,
dishguring bumps and pin,p1es. Make
a good beginning this season by taking
course of S. S. S. In time; it will not
only purify your blood and destroy the
germs and poisons, but promote healthy
action of the Liver and Kidneys and
give you good appetite at time
when you need it most.
S. S. S. improves the digestion and
tones up the Stomach, and you are not
continually haunted by the fear of
indigestion every time you eat, or
troubled with dizziness, nervousness
and s1eep1essness. There is no reason
to dread the coming of warm weather if
and the blood in normal, healthy cor
blood that invites disease germs, micr
bring on long train of spring and SUI
stitution, and produce weakness, 1assit1
Eczema, Acne, Nettle-rash, Poison {
E>s,s Las e.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-06-23

purifier in the world.
Mrs. n. 2. EMYTHERSs
wytheville, Va.