The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1903-10-11
G. "BILL" COFFIN.

G. "BILL" COFFIN.
In losing G. .'BilI" Coffin from his Of
/ fetal family Governor Bailey has dis
J covered that he has lost a genuine hui
morist. G. Bill Coffin was justice Of
/ the peace of Agnes City township. Lyon
county, and resigned to move to his farm
/ in Morris county, says . dispatch to the
! New York Herald. Instead of the GUS
/ tornary. Il hereby tender my resigna-
| tion," Mr.. Coffin used several pages Of
letter paper and told OF the tricks by
which a Kansas justice OF the peace
manages to serve Etigants and escape
Iynching at the hands Of his neighbors.
I He says:
Ny Dear Governor: hereby resign the
Office Of justice Of the peace of Agnes City
township, Lyon county. Kansas The mo-
tive which prompts me in taking this step
is not from a lack of ability to properly
| invest the salary While I have agreed
with the Office pretty well and my health
has improved to some extent. l have not
grown bulky and corpulent as many do
in the public service II true as scrip
ture says. that all flesh is grass l would
yet DE unable to tip the beam as Cos
pei forkful.
Perhaps I am a little bit late in so
doing, but I desire 10 express my thanks
to the intelligent voters who elevated me
to this exalted position. and that, too,
by a majority over both my Republican
and Populist opponents, but I appreciate
the votes and good will much more than
I do the Office.
Being a seller of fire insurance 1 have
managed to be out of town when people
were inclined to litigate. When l
scented trouble on the cool morning
breeze my team of bronchos was i'm
mediately hooked up and armed with an
alligator grip and q combination fountain
pen and dog extinguisher. I went out in
search of pure ozone and business. When
I returned the plaintiff had cooled off,
his spleen was right and his liver was
again normal. This has reduced litigation.
From these suggestions every man who
has been unfortunate enough 10 have
been elected a justice viii see the reces-
sity of combining with the judiciary in
such way as to enable him TO be out
'iimnying around when cases come up
where the fees are not in plain sight
by these suggestions do not mean to
discourag e legitimate litigation, nor do /
want TO be understood as encoura@ ting
lawbreaking The strong right arm of
the law must be upheld. An injury to
society must be punished All the pro-
lection we have To life and property we
owe 10 the supreme majesty Of law. Her
l-.rr- v-safn "a
the harmony of the world; all things in
heaven and earth do her homage; the
weak feel her protection and the strong
are not exempt from her power.
But 1 am DEPRESSING. 1t is not my
province at this time 70 record a lengthy
panegyric on law. In moving from a
town TO the farm l desire to say that l
shall continue TO wear cocks and that /
have no serious intentions Of congress.
For several years l have been shedding
the mossback robe of party and have been
browsing up and down the political PAS
ture. fighting my own hies I am now
seeking Independence along all lines and
don't propose TO take of my hat to any
Presidential possibility unless he trots
in the class with Joe" Folk, Golden
Rule" Jones or Tom Johnson.
1T is this love of independence that
causes me to pine for the rural ranch
where meneal repose and physical rest are
lying around loose: where the yellow
pumpkin. the plump porker and the gor-
geous gobbier are baskinS in the sun
shine: where the articboke. the cookie
burr ami the potato bug do business;
where the smell OF the stockyards is
swallowed up in the rich juicy o1or OF
the onion. the polecat and the fragrant
perfume of the peach blossoms: where
the winning smile Of the watermelon
steals away your wisdom and the melan-
choly cucumber leads you astray in the
hvways Of cholera m0rbus. ! sigh fO-
the farm. where 4 host OF ring-taiied
chinchbugs ard job-,ot Of chiggers
await my coming. long 10 stretch my
pedal extremeties out Of the seoond-story
window and let them commune with ma
ture. while I slide gently into the salubri-
Gus realms Of dreamland.
IN resigning this Office I am free to say
that I wish YOU wei Il. at any time,
from desire 10 consult ne when the great
shin az state does not float 20 your music
or YOU have q legislature on your hands.
my address win be r. T. n No I. Coul-
Gil Grove, Kansas. Ny experience IS
unseldshly al your disposal. even If we
do not view public matters through the
same kind OF spectacles- As travelling So
licitor FOR two Of the hest Insurance COM
panies in the west. know the conditions
and needs Of our people.
My residence in this country dates
hack to the time when buffalo chips and
prairie fires were cur chief products ana
when the Kaw Indian circulated freely
in the channels Of trade. when the lone
some voice OF the coyote mingled with
The paean % the prairie her cooling u her
mate: when squatter sovereignty ruled
the roost and the sturdy settler siyly
swiped his lrrwood OF the reservation.
Pardon this reminiscent DEPRESSION
trust You viii have no difficulty il 10
eating my successor and that he may
prove worthy assistant in maintaining
the dignity of your administration.
ELECTRIC CHAIR