The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-06-07
THE PROFESSOR AND THE LADY


 The wife of Professor Timotheus Grind out, the eminent sociologist, gave an af- ternoon tea. The Professor was for es- caping the back way through the base ment. He left his study and descended the front staircase, preparatory to exc cutting a swing through the hall and down the lower flight. but just at that instant his wife. who had been on the lookout like a friendly spider. bounced on him and introduced him to Mrs. Buzzwuzz.
 twill you show Mrs. Buzzwuzz the way to the tea room2' said Mrs, Professor, and there was the "she who must be obeyed" note in her tone. Professor Grindout grunted at once acquiescingly and despairingly, but obeyed promptly He had not much acquaintance with Mrs. Buzzwuzz, but he had acquaintance with other ladies who haunt pink teas. Mrs. Buzzwuzz sat down and made room for the gentleman beside her. It was some- thing to have so distinguished man all to herself She began at once entertain ing him with her most sprightly and in- structive conversation and 1t was thus wise:
 Did you know we've just moved to live very near you?" Without waiting a second for answer she continued: we've had the awfuiest time. Our other house was larger than this one. and we haven't nearly room enough for all the furniture There is that birds eye maple buffet that was one of my wedding presents from. pa the dining room isn't large enough for it. and we have to store 1t in the car riage house or sell it. and you can get nothing for such things at secondhand places Then there's that table. you know. that old Aunt Susan. my husbands mothers cousin, used to have in her. bedroom-great, big. black. hard wood thing, so hard you can't scratch 1t with a pin-and one day when Buzzwuzz's s mother was gone out I yanks that table into the back yard. and there found 1t was broken just gave 1t little twist end one leg came of. and now that will go into the carriage house, too. and I've got rid of some more old trash. I says to Buzzwuzz, says, We ought to have an auction sale and sell off A lot of your peoples old stuff that you've got here. But Buzzwuzz wouldn't hear of 1t because of his mothers feelings. My feelings don't count"
 She paused for breath. The Professor glanced longingly at the door and half rose. The lady made detainins gesture and continued her entertaining and in- struotive conversation. She had found her second wind.
 InSn tnoEe the ittlh7 PAiA pAA SN" itll look real cute in the second story bedroom. My father gave me that on my tenth birthday, and I thought it was the pfettiest thing I ever saw My tenth birthday was Cousin Anne Ballywhack's tenth birthday, too and our mothers they made us dresses just alike. They were little red dresses trimmed with black vel vet laid on in deep scallops and crosses They trim girls dresses just that way now. only they put in a big lot of tuck ings and shirrings that our frooks didn't have Cousin Anne wore hers and threw 1t away, but I've got a piece of mine yet Cousin Anne Ballywhack Is a col lege professor now and"
 Really" said the Professor
 Yes: and she's an old maid because she never married She's the dueerest thing for a woman. folks say. because she never talks. I didn't notice that she does not say much. for the things l my self talk about are always so interest ing I don't like to be interrupted, but Buxzwuzz says the men call Cousin Anne the silent woman because she lets them do the talking. I don't see any thing so odd about that. for never, never open my mouth unless I am posi- lively obliged to- But Cousin Anne-she says she never speaks unless she has to say. and"
 T should De pleased 10 meet such a woman" said the Professor as he sidled around the tea table and darted through a little concealed door.
 Tabitha sourgrapes.