Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1903-09-18
SLITs OF THE TONGUE
Amusing Twists that Did Not Express
What Was Meant.

The worthy university preacher WHIT
announced Hymn No. 358. From Ice
lands Greasy Mountains,' and after
referring il his sermon to Bon tbs
/ Japist" corrected himself by saying
mo, no. I mean the BAPTIST Bond, ,
has had many imitators at Oxford and
elsewhere, although it is Ouly fair to
say that the universities are special y
favored by them.
1t was, for instance, a varsity Don
who one Sunday startled his congre-
CATION by giving out Hymn l75 The
175th HYmn-Kinquering Congs Their
Titles Take" and another of the learn
ed fraternity who. preaching a sermon
in honor of Queen Victoria's diamond
Jubilee, referred to Her Majesty in
these impressive words. Nov, my
ibrother, Won have queer Dean, a very
IDe&n, and very queer Dean indeed;"
and to this day there are some who de
cline to believe that the preacher was
not having G sly hit at the dean of his
college, with whom he was not on the
best of terms and who was noted for
his oddities.
| Many amusing verbal lapses are
credited to the genial and popular head
of one of the Oxford colleges. 1t was
he. SO they say, who once preached
from the text, "For now we see through
a dark CLASSIFY" and transmitted the
l"Loving Shepherd into the Showing
Leopard" in one of his serman. On
another occasion, when he was pressed
by a friend to stay the night in Lon
don, he answered with decision, mo, |
thank you l must return to Oxford |
by the $50 town drain"
This gentleman, who enjoys his slips |
as much as any one, was lecturing one |
day from 8 to 10 on Greek history for |
men in their final school, and at II he
gave al hours lecture to freshmen on
the fourth gospel. At the conclusion
of the Biblical exposition 1t dawned |
on him that perhaps he had got a little
mixed. and, by way of precaution, he
said: Gentlemen, before you go, would |
you kindly look through your notes,
and wherever l said 'Perlcles scratch
it out and write st. John.'''
1t was not DIR. s., however, but a |
friend of bis, learned dean of an OK
ford college, who once gave severe
lecture to lazy undergradua finish
ing with these crushing words: II am
sorry to have to speak SO severely to
you, but am credibly informed that
you have broken many rules of the
college; you have been incorrigibly
lazy, and to crown it all you have will
fully tasted two worms" Of course,
the poor gentleman meant wasted
two terms" and the delinquent was
under no deIuson as to his meaning.
Was it not the same dean-or was it
some one else--who once kept q friend
waiting an uncOnscionable time for
him outside his house, and then, emerg
ing in resplendent silk hat, apologiZed
thus: $50 sorry to have kept you. The
fact is, I have been hushing my black
brat.'7
There is no doubt; however, that it
was Mr. s. who was the hero of the
following story. Once when he was
staying in town he was asked by a
friend to meet him at certain hostelry
in London suburb. On the day ap-
pointed Mr. s. took train to Green
wich and spent some hours in vain at
tempts to discover an inn of the name
of 1.-The Dull Man." finally returning
to town without catching glimpse of
bis friend Or the rendezvous. All the
time the friend had been awaiting him, :
as arranged, at 1.-The Green Man. Dull !
wich II
But perhaps the best story Of all, a
which Mr.. S. himself tells, is this /
Il was returning the other evening | !,
along the Whitney road, when, as near a
I'd the station, owing to my lndiffer b
ent sight, | ran into man who was
crouching at the edge OF the footpath; ;
we rolled over together and We're both O
somewhat bruised. 1T was my fault, J.
said the stranger to me- on recovering
ais breath, but l was only stopping to :,
oOil my icycle. Tit Bits. q