Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1903-09-05
DAILY SHORT STORY
Playing Off UnweIcome Guests
IOriginal.l


TO dinner, Its all over with us"
whats the matter, sweetheart?
you remember my telling you about
Aunt Tristicia?"
1.-THE angel eneT
ooh, no; wish she were. The other
One-the one who makes long visits
and keeps everybody in an uproar."
Just like my Uncle Cyrus"
"The one you call the general"
Eyes. He'd rather fight than eat"
$50 would Aunt Tristicia. She's COM
| ing to visit u.s.
''What do you say to playing my I'M
Gle as an antidote to your aunt?"
Splendid! Invite him at once"
And so it was arranged that General
Cyrus Busby should meet Miss Justi-
cia Crow, and the meeting took place
on the day of their arrival at dinner.
Not a word had been said to the one
about the other, and when FIVE minutes
before going into the dining room they
were introduced they glared first at
each other, then at their hosts.
Uncle Cyrus" said the nephew, "fill
your glass"
Certainly" said the general. 81
drink one glass of wine with every
course. Miss Crow, let me I'LL yours"
"Fill mine? Do you suppose 1 put
such stuff into my mouth? It's poison,
poison to the gentleman and the labor
er. 1 hate 1t and hate every one who
sets an example by drinking It,"
Madam" said the general. moving
nervously in his chair, do you mean to
say that 1 must deny myself the privi-
lege of q social glass just because some
idiot chooses to make a beast of him
self? 2"
."Uncle," interposed the host, 81 neg
lected to explain that Miss Crow is
lecturer on temperance"
The irate gentleman spooned his
soup, growing within himself, but re-
pressing further expression of his feel
ings in words.
Then Billy told the guests about the
wedding, incidentally mentioning that
the bride would have none but the
Rev. Mr.. Stryker to marry them.
''Why didn't you go to a justice of
the peace?" growled the general. eff
were married forty times I'd never
have one of those parsons to do the
job. They're hypocriticaI, lazy
"Sirw exclaimed Miss Crow. "Are
you aware that my father was a min
ister?"
Then, madam, if he wanted to i'm
prove his, vocation he should have be-
come pirate"
This is insufferabler'
"Auntie" from the niece.
"Uncle," interposed the host again,
81 forgot to explain that Miss Crow is
very religious"
"H'mr' growled the general, choking
back another sally and to show his
spleen gulping down three glasses OF
wine one after another.
Haven't you got something stronger,
boy 2" he rasped. This is baby drink.
Let me have some good old rye whisky.
The older grow the more 1 find there
is nothing so valuable as whisky and
tobacco"
'The devils weapons? Kissed Miss
Crow.
'They say the devil can quote Scrip
ture," retorted the general.
Miss Crow sat bolt upright, glared
and munched her food in silence.
Uncle Cyrus" said the nephew in
order to keep the two enemies in action,
'tell Miss Crow about your battles"
81 consider war barbarous and wick
ed" said the aunt. "a soldier Is only
another name for murderer"
THAT is me, ha, hay' exclaimed the
uncle viciously. "WelI, Billy, Miss
Grow wouldn't like to hear much about
war, and 1 wouldn't infict 1t on her.
I'll just tell one little incident that
happened to me In the Wilderness.
You see, the woods were very thick and
the firing very heavy on my men. I
was walking up and down in front of
the line. crying like baby"
"Crying?" interrupted the aunt, her
curiosity excited in spite of herself.
what in the world were you crying
about?"
Crying because couldn't make the
men fight. What do you suppose?"
growled the warrior.
"Oh, 1 thought you were crying for
your sinful work"
"Sinful work, madam! What more
glorious
"DeviIish, you mean"
The host signaled the wife, and all
rose. The ladies retired to the drawing
room, and the men smoked.
How long is that intolerable mon
ster going to stay % asked the aunt.
"Oh, Aunt Tristicia, 1 couldn't tell
you. Billy says that when he once
takes position anywhere it's impossible
to get him away"
THAT settles it. I go tomorrow.
never met a more ungentlemanlike,
brutal, irreverent, drinking, tobacco
smoking monster I'm my life. I didn't
know you'd married into such a fam
lily"
In the dining room the general asked {:
"Where did you pick up that old hen,
Billy? She's terror and no mistake"
"She's an aunt of my wife's who
makes long visits
what! Going to stay with you some
dmeT
"Can't tell when she'll so. Uncle Cyl
"Billy." said the general after a
thoughtful pause. ''I'm sorry for you.