Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1903-07-02

At a Scottish town. the other day,
a Londoner on his way to hotel adj
dressed the porter who led the way:
Not a large place this?" Ma vera"
was the answer. Has it a corpora
tion?" "A what, sir?" inquired the
baggage bearer Il mean, who rules
it?' Rules it? Jist the provost"
"Ah, the provost. Like our lord may
or? Has he got any Insignia" re-
marked the cOckney. insignia!
What dye mean" asked the puzzled
Scotsman, Yes, Insignia that is to
say, has he a chain?" the polite vsi-
tor limited. WhereupOn the almost
dumfounded native gasDcd out: "a
chain. sir? The provost chained?
Ma, ma. He gangs loose; but dinna
be feared, he's quito harmless.
James NJ Barrie, who is very shy
at social functions or banQuets, and
can hardly be induced to either con-
verse freely or utter a speech, is not
above pOking fun at himself. On one
occasion there appeared in the Scots
Observer a brilliant lampOOn in which
Mr.. Barrie was represented as attend
ing a public dinner, keeping every one
in rOars of laughter with his unceas
ing stream of wit and epigram. and
finally ending up by making the
speech of the evening When a ccr-
tain literary friend of Mr.. Barrie's
saw this wickedly clever piece of
satire, his indignation knew no bounds
and he rushed into print demanding
by all outraged gods that the author
nf this Infamous article ShNnln
straightway disclose himself, and be
dealt with accordingly But, alas for
the well-meaning friend. the author
was none other than Mr.. Barrie him.
Very amusing, is the story of the
strenuous ride of a tenderfOot New
York correspondent who visited Shar-
on Springs last month with the Presi-
Dental party. AS soon as he mounted,
one of the cowboys said Wow" Se
conductor of the train waved a red
flag, the engineer let out squirt of
steam. and the correspondent went
through Sharon Springs leaving
cloud of dust behind him that looked
like the remains of cyclone. He
went through one fence and took the
corner off one barn, and finally
brought up against the side of anoth-
er. A committee of villagers sat him
right. he remOunted the horse. start
ed again, and the last seen of him
he was far out on the horizon still
followed by the rolling dust cloud.
He came in later on meek cayuse
lent to him by a friendly cowboy,
who incidentally informed him that
he had been riding the most famous
race-horse of that end of Kansas, and
that the horse was trained to run
when the reins were pulled tight and
stop only when they are slaCkened.
Shortly after the appearance of his
first book. Ten months a Captive
Among the FilipinOs," an enterprising
manager induced Albert SOnnichsen
to go on a lecture tour The young
author made his debut in small New
Jersey town, in a dismal, ill-lighted
hall. before a handful of people hud-
died in the front seats, and a multi
tude of empty chairs. The manager,
as detected as the lecturer, sat in the
rear, under the gloom of the balcony.
Mr.. Sonnichsen ended his lecture in
state of nervous collapse. and then,
in order to live up to his program,
said: Il shall be pleased to answer
any questions you may care to ask"
An oppressive silence followed. Mr..
Sonnichsen repeated his offer, with
the same result. Something had to
be done In desperation, the lecturer
pointed to that gentleman over
.ere," indicating the manager, and
suggested that he looked ''as if he
wanted to ask a question" That dis
gusted individual, seeing an opening
to get back at the author, who had
attracted attention to him so uneX-
pectedly, shouted back: Yes, l do.
Sonnichsen, how do you feel?"
A Woman's Back.
Dublin, Mich, June 29th.-To the