The Savannah morning news. (Savannah, Ga.) 1900-current, 1903-12-06

I'm glad I'm not superstitious,' said
the Idiot, as he glanced over the little
calendar in the front of his pocket
memorandum book, Il see that Christ
mas comes on Friday this year. If
were superstitious, 1 think I'd sell out
my prospects for the Yule for seven
dollars"
II thought you were superstitious,"
put in the Bibliomaniac. II noticed
the other day when the painters were
doing up the front door vestibule you
left the house by way of the basement
rather than walk under their ladder"
THAT wasn't superstition,-that was
common sense" retorted the Idiot. I'D
just come into possession of new win
ter overcoat, and didn't care to have
a quart or two of liquid frescoing
trickle down over the back of it. In
all my artistic experience 1 have never
observed that a few dabs, or many
dabs, of paint improve the appearance
OF a winter overcoat so l didn't choose
to chance the accident"
You told me you considered thirteen
a very unlucky number" said Mr..
Brief. That's superstition of the worst
| sort"
II know 1 did, but that was when 1
asked your advice in regard to a chap
who owed me twenty-siX dollars and
offered to settle on a basis of fifty
cents on the dollar" said the Idiot
You advised me to settle for that
amount, and 1 did,"
~ well, you were in luck to get the
thirteen" said Mr.. Brief.
"Oh-was II" said the Idiot. well,
1 I'm glad you told me, for never would
lhnN IL,
charged me fifteen dollars for the adj
vice. If l hadn't taken it, I'd have
been two dollars in"
| You can't expect me to work for
nothing" said the Lawyer compla-
| Gently.
Il never squealed," said the Idiot,
for really that fifteen was well in
vested after all. If you'd charged
me ten I'd have kept on going to you
for advice, and would have sooner or
later squandered millions of dollars
upon you. AS it was 1 got my solar
pleXus in the first round and realized
at the very beginning that you be-
longed among the Injuries have you
on my list of things l can't afford
like canvas back ducks, spats, grand
opera, diamond shirt studs and auto
mobiles, and at the small cost of fif-
ten SlmoeonS. l think, however, that
you lawyers ought to have a printed
price list for your services, so that
when chap goes to you for advice,
he'll know in advance what it's go
ing to cost him-put up a placard in
your office-something like that gro
GERS sign. Eggs ten cents dozen,
Good eggs fifteen cents Fresh eggs
twenty cents You could have it
Advice So. Good advice, $40. Counsel,
SIS Then Il man could take his
choice according to his means. One
of the five-dollar packages was good
enough for me in that twenty-six dol
lar case"
Christmas doesn't need to come
on a Friday to be unlucky," said the
Doctor. That is, considering the
growing exactions of it's celebration.
Things have got so these days that
the fulfllment of it's requirements
practically bankrupts a fellow who
has got his hands full supporting
himself and his family. Santa Claus
is good old chap but he very often
leaves a wolf sitting on the front
doorstep that paterfamilias is months
driving away"
THAT all depends on paterfamilias, +"
said the Idiot. THE man who gives
more than he can afford is a snob,
and the sooner he is taught the fact,
the better. He has no just cause for
complaint against Santa Claus. 1t
isn't old Kris Kringle that leaves the
ravening wolf outside It's old pater-
lamilias himself who invites the
beast to take up his residence there,
because he hasn't the moral courage
to say to his children that his ex-
chequer is suffering from nervous
prostration and that this year, in
stead of expecting a carte blanche or
der on the toy shop, and a ton of
mixed candies, they'll have to get
along with monkey on a stick apiece
and five pounds of peanut brittle. l
don't see any sense in a mans giving
his wife a suit of sables when he
hasn't got enough spare cash to pay
the expressage on a coon cat from
Maine to Massachusetts, nor have
ever had the slightest sympathy for
the chap who gives Rockefeller pres
ents just because he has oVerdrawn
his bank account at the bank $1.7S."
"Well-thats all very true" said the
Bibliomaniac, but 1 can quite under
stand how a man can do such things.
Christmas should be glad day for
everybody"
ut should indeed" said the Idiot
but there's such a thing as buying
gladness at too high figure. The glad
ness you get by running into debt is an
undigested security and along about
February when the duns come around
you begin to feel as If the water was
being squeezed out of your invest
ment."
"You speak as feelingly Is though
you were yourself an offender" sug
gested the Doctor.
II am" said the Idiot. I'm a snob
all right when it comes to giving away
what l haven't got, but I'm going to
reform this year, and what is more, I'm
going to give handsoner presents than
ever I've got patent extension
Christmas present scheme which in my
judgment is a dream of beauty and
economy as well. It's a sort of install
ment plan arrangement which will de-
light all and embarrass none. 1t not
only places rich gifts for my friends
within reach Of my, at present, rather
emaciated purse, but insures me against
any possible fall down for twelve years
to come"
you should publish it to the world,
| If it will do that" said the Doctor. "A
scheme of that kind, If it really works,
would be an inestimable boon to the
whole civilized world. 1 wouldn't mind
being let in myself"