Lincoln County leader. [volume] (Toledo, Lincoln County, Or.) 1893-1987, 1903-09-11
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you for what you are.-Life.
She-Time will heal the wound I've
made in your heart. He-Yes; but
you'll be mad at me If it does.
"Wiggs says his new house has
eighteen bathrooms" "Must be fine
place! What does he call it?"
Plumbers Paradise. Life.
Railroad took off his leg" "Yes,
and so providential!' "Providential? ?"
That's what. 1t was the leg with the
rheumatism in it!'-Atlanta Constitu-
ton.
We prefer to live in a small town
where all the people sympathize with
you in trouble, and if you haven't any
trouble will hunt up some for you.-
Formosa New Era.
HAS he had much success as an
author!" mo. The publishers couldn't
sell more than hundred copies of his
last book before it came t."-Chi-
cago Record-Her
Jones is a conscientious fellow"
w hde sOu tiiih So.
watched him play solitaire for two
hours last night, and he never cheated
once."-Brooklyn Life.
A Western paper refuses to publish
eulogies gratis, but adds: I'VE will
publish the simple announcement of
the death Of any of our friends with
pleasure. Horn.
"Why are you crying, dear?" oh,
mother; last night 1 showed Henry the
hammock that we first courted in"
What did he do?" HE went over
and kicked it."-Chicago News.
Young husband, to wife-Didn't 1
telegraph to you not to bring your
mother with you? Young wife-I
know; that is what she wants to see
you about. She read the telegram!
"Oh! yes, it was the first time they
had met, but they became real chum-
my at once" rs that SOP" Yes,
they discovered that they indorsed the
same breakfast "-Philadelphia
Press.
Wise for his years: The mother
''Bobbie, didn't your conscience tell
you that you had done wrong?" Bob.
bie-"Y es'm; but don't believe every.
thing 1 hear" ar."-Philadelphia Public
Ledger.
Host (pairing off his guests)-"Mr.
Makihbrakes, you will please take
Miss Gumwell out to dinner. Mr.
Makinbrakes-"Cert But, great
Scott, where? Don't you have dinner
here in the house? ?-Chicago Tribune.
my new play is sure to make a
hit" said the eminent actress; 'it
gives me an opportunity to show twen.
ty superb gowns" Gracious! how
many scenes do you appear in?" "Only
five, but one of them's a scene at the
dressmakers. s."-Philadelphia Press.
"Well," said the New Yorker, taunt
ingly, you don't see any grass grow.
ing in our Streets" That's so," re-
piled the Philadelphian, ''clever
scheme of yours" whats that?
ITO keep tearing your streets up so the
grass can't grow."-Washingto Star
Il suppose your chances of winning
the affections of Miss Gay are as good
as the next fellows" 81 don't know
She called me Jim very affectionately
last night" "You don't say? Well
that's promising, isn't it?" Hardly
considering that my name happens tc
be Tom"
The probabilities: "McGoozle, where
are you going to spend the summer
this year?" "Well, we are hesitatinl
between tour of Europe and couple
of weeks at my wife's uncles farm
near Naperville-with the chance,
strong in favor of Naperville. Chi
cago Tribune
Farmer Hornihand (reading the mar
kets)-"Pity tn President didn't he,
no more luck when he was a-huntin
down there in Mlssissip" Mrs. Holni
hand-"Why, Silas?' Farmer Horni
hand-"Haint you been a-readin' how
tn bears is playin' smash with tn cot
ton ?"-Baltimore American.
A woman's bargain: Mrs. Enpeck-
81 think, Henry, that our daughter ha'
made very satisfactory marriage
and that she will succeed very wei
in the management of her husband.
Henry Enpeck-"Why so?" Mrs. En-
peck-"I overheard her talking to hin
this morning. and she got him to agre,
to proposition like this: II you vii
do as l want. I promise to do th,
same '"-Baltimore American.
The doctors wife went to the door
She and the woman next door wer,
not on friendly terms. but the tram