davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-02-01
WlLLIE'S LESSON.
Bank Suspended Payment, but Resumed
After Negotiations.
Chicago PostO

He is a wise lad, though not very old.
One DAY his father. wishing to inculcate
some financial lessons. bought him toy
savings bank.
Now. Willie" he said, wen start a
bank"
II choose to be cashier" he boy an
nounced promptly
"An right" his father replied, already
proud of the boys knowledge; you may
be cashier and I'll be the president. Then
you and your mother and your two sisters
and 1 will be depOsitors. III put five new
nickels in to start with. What viii you
dO2''
III put in my seven pennies and a
2-cent piece" said the boy.
His mother dropped in two dimes, and
each of his sisters a nickel, and the bank
was started.
During the next two weeks numerous
deposits were made and ali ran smoothly.
Then one day the father found himself
short of change and distracted a dime
from the bank for car fare. The cashier,
however. had great idea of the respOn-
sfbilities of his position, and he detected
the shortage within an hour and took
what was left
The next morning the president under
took to give the cashier another lesson in
findnciering.
Suppose one of the depositors wished
to draw out some money, Willie" he
said. what would you dO2"
For answer the boy simply pointed to
the bank. on which this sign was dis
played:
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-02-01
SMOOT.

Novt the hamnne in the
the 4
Now h0bnaled
i'll all a al Snoot
SmoOt. SmOot. SmOOt
a S a
Hhat he 5 a
He do he's Smoot!
IND lie
iversaiC onse -Regulat ting
a
a
W. 20 it. we we Jug to
He We
for
A.
will no SnnoOt
Snoo
a S
Ne don't know what he's done but certain he'd plute
ourv foulfr
n
salt
For it's infinitely whack
a
s aw1u his is
And if anybody it,
Edward Vance Cooke
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-02-01
Mark Twain's Namesake.
81. LouIs Globe-pemoerat. }


When the st. Louis harbO- boar was
named Mark Twain as a compliment. it
was not foreseen that references to the
boat in the daily papers from time 70
time would be cause for smiles and that
being Mark TWain'S nameSake, il would
supply ''one touch Of humor to make the
whole world grin" But when we read
the headlines. Mark Twain in Need OF
Repairs. we comprehend at once the
possibilities of future references TO the
harbor boat. Mark would probably cheer
fully assent TO the statement that he is
in need of repairs. as who is not2 Some
time ago he related his experience with
members of the medical profession. who
make repairs in the mortal frame, and
told us that he never got things mended
to suit him until he put forth his own
efforts. We shall expect TO see further
startling statements in the St Louis pa
pers as long as the harbOr boat floats
upon our waters, such as Mark Twain s
boilers being blown out" Accident to
Mark Twain's pilot house. "Thanksgiv-
ing dinner on Mark Twain or maybe
a champagne supper on Mark Twain
and Mark Twain damned in ice
Though we hope nOt( Mr.. Clements may
expect to see such a lot OF shocking
headlines in which his name figures that
he viii petition for a change of name Of
the boat.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-02-01
REGENT SMOOTISMS.
CRaItimore Americana

baltimore Americana
There was an apostle named Smoot;
For congress his folks thought he'd SCOT;
But the women say nay,
AS in Roberts day.
Which makes Mr.. Smoot make a snoot.
He says says this fellow Smoot):
I'm man and a Mormon TO boot,
And I'll make no mean fight
To retain what is right
AS would most any other galoot."
And so this apostle named smoOt
Declares that he isn't a broot.
With an unflinching eye
He proclaims his def
In language both terse and astoot-
Omaha Bee: Elder smoot is justified
in restoring the "h" to his name.
Boston Transcript: The women appear
to be opposed, en- maSSe, to Reed SmOot.
They say he is no Gentleman.
Milwaukee Sentinel: If Apostle smoot
will patronize a clipping bureau he viii
learn something to his disadvantage.
Washington Post: The anti-smooters
of it before the United States senate
takes the case.
Atlanta Journal: If the senate is such
an immoral body as Apostle Reed
Smoot seems to think, the wonder is that
he wants to break into it.
Pittsburg Times: When Reed Smoot
gets to the senate he will have the time
of his life in trying TO sustain the
notoriety he has won in the campaign.
Detroit Tribune: Not having placed
million dollars in the slot, it passed the
belief of many people to hear that Reed
Smoot has pulled out senatorship.
Buffalo Times: Reed Shoots idea that
the United States senate needs religious
be little shady certainly has the merit
Of originality.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-02-01
THE AUTOMOBILES GREAT PROGRESS

THE GREATEST automobile show
/ ever conducted in this country
has just come TO a successful con-
cIusion in New York. The exhibition
was of general interest and attracted
wide attention. because it demonstrat-
ed that the automobile is no longer an
instrument for the propagation of what
is known as the speed madness" To
say that the automobile has come TO
stay is to state a truth tritely.
Astonishing progress has been made
with the horseless vehicle since its
tentative introduction a few years ago.
The early machines were noisy, cum
bersome, heavy and slow. They were
sources of danger to their operators
and to the public. and they speedily
aroused strong adverse sentiment.
That sentiment. thanks to the numer-
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-02-01

Gus improvements made in the vehi-
cles, is rapidly wearing away.
Automobiles are now superseding the
horse for work of a character that was
once thought impossible Horseless
plows have been introduced in England
with considerable success. horseless
vans carry heavy loads rapidly and
noiselessly about the streets of all the
larger American cities, horseless car
riages are seen everywhere. The time
has passed when the automobile, in or
der TO be operated with safety. requires
an absolutely smooth and perfect high
way.
They ars used now on mountain
roads, they are driven through mud
and slush and snow. over rocks and.
indeed, Ia many places they have been
operated where horses could not last.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-02-01
TALES WORTH TELLING.
(Philadelphfa Ledger.l


At the close of the civil war and before
he was kell known. Wendell Phillips, the
distinguished abOlitionist. went to
Charleston and put up at a hotel. He had
breakfast served in his room, and was
waited upon by a former slave.
Mr.. Phillips seized the opportunity to
represent TO the negro in a pathetic way
that he regarded him as a man and a
brother. and that he himself was an
abolitiOnist. The negro. however, seemed
more anxious about his breakfast than
he was about his position in the social
scale or the condition of his soul, and
finally Mr.. Phillips became discouraged,
and told him to go away, saying that he
could not bear to be waited on BY a
slave
You must 'Scuse me. massa," said the
negro. Use 'bliged to stay we're, cause
I'm 'sponsible TO de silverware."
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-02-01
Then Why Bux ooal2

This little incident happens to be a true
one. and occurred the other day on Der
chester avenue. II was a conversation
that took place between the proprietor
of a liquor stOre-a gentleman, by the
way, who, for various reasons. ranks as
the J. Pierpont Morgan of that neigh
bOrhOod--and one of the parish priests
The worthy pastor happened to be out
on collecting expedition, and saw Mr.
Mulligan-thats not his name by the
way-and Immediately hailed him
Good morning, Mr. Muliigan-''
Good mOrEf4sg kindly, father re-
sDonded Mr.. Mulligan. and by what to-
l-sn is it that brings you out this way
on such a cold morning.
WELL Mr.. Mulligan, l am out collect
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-02-01
Unconyinced.

A prominent Philadelphia clergyman
tells this story on himself: 1T was sun
day morning, and l had started for
church The family was preparing to
follow. when the youngest. a 5-year-old
protested, i do not want to 20 TO
church.
l do not feel much like it myself
Fred. this morning. replied his mother
but we must so. Father has TO go-has
gone already. and he has TO preach
. Yes said Fred. uncOnvinced. but We
have to listen, and that's worser.' -
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-02-01

The Minnesota legislature has adopt
ed joint memorial to congress praying
for the removal of the duty on lumber
on the ground that it is contrary to
the principle oe protection" On the
ground that the tariffs on meat and on
numerous other things Is contrary to
the principle of protection to the con-
sumner. the Democrats in congress
should insist on their removal also.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-02-01

Speaker Hull will doubtless feel that
he has been deliberately insulted by
writer in the Popular Science Monthly
who gives a statistical study of a num-
Der of eminent men. Mr.. Hull's name
is not in the long list presented.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-02-01

A Pennsylvania miner has lost his
position because he testified before the
arbitration commission. If it were not
for little things like this cropping out
every now and then we might forget
that the commission is In session.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-02-01

ing money to buy coal to heat the church
With. and I'd like you 10 do something"
Coal is ito responded Mr. Mulhgan.
his eyes opening TO their widest, why,
shure. father. I thought the church was
hated by shame" No one knows what
the father thought or said.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-02-01

Another Montana man has been
thawing out dynamite. Unless he was
a mighty good citizen he is now in a
place where dynamite never needs
thawing out.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-02-01

strangely enough" says a contem-
porary, "the removal of the tariff on
coal has not lowered the price of that
article" If this is true why not try
the experiment of removing the duties
on other foreign products?
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-02-01

Some eastern scientists are getting
all worked up over a discussion of the
evolution of sex in plants. The people
are just honing for light on this sub
iect and so are the plants.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-02-01

pocket knives in trimming down ap-
preparations the public viii not con-
slider the purchase of the knives a
waste of money.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-02-01

world" a few days later the senator
called at the same house, and the small
boy advanced and said: Il know you"
Indeed And who am To-
My papa says you are the biggest liar
on earth2'
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-02-01

Senator Quay has votes at his
back" says a headline He also has
votes in front of him and on both sides
When it comes to getting votes the SEN
alto rfrom Pennsylvania is a sure win
ner
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-02-01
Fate Sealed,

Colonel ]. NJ. Guffey tells the story of
two Americans who were discussing the
ingeniousnesS of Irish wit, while visiting
Ireland One of the gentlemen determined
to put the matter to a test. and he ap-
preached an Irishman walking along the
road and inquired of him IF the devil
came along here. whom would he take
first. YOU or me-?
The prompt reply was; "He would take
me: he is sure of you at any time"
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-02-01

Oar is two kin's o. friends" said Uncle
Eben; dem dat wants to do you fayors
and dem dat expects you to do favors fob
dem. / kin tell you in one guess which
KIN you has de mos of.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-02-01
A Story-teIIer.

Chauncey NJ Depew recently called at
the house of a friend, where he attracted
the attention Of q bright boy of 8. The
boy asked his father, WHO was that
man2' when the senator had departed
That is Senator Depew,' answered the
father. the greatest story-teller IN the
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-02-01
Scotch Joke.

A Scotch clergyman was addressing his
congregation in a high pitched monoton-
Gus voice, when he was interrupted by
the bowls of a dog in the back part of
the church. He waited long enough for
the dog to be taken out and made up his
mind he would see the dogs owner, whom
he knew and take him to task for bring
ing the animal into the sacred precincts.
After the services were over he met the
man. Sandy" said he. what do you
mean By bringing your dog into church?
Why. his bowling and whining were
scandalous.''
Dominic" retorted Sandy, lit was ma
the beasts fault I call you TO witness
We began it yerself.'
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-02-01

Tate Appearances are ont always 10
be trusted.
RTady-Thats So It's . mighty bright
book that lives up TO its cover.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-02-01
Tart

An elderly woman entered street car
one afternoon at an hour when the pas
sengers are largely composed of High
school girls. Every seat was occupied
Whereupon a young girl offered her seat
with the rather flippant remark: Age be-
fore beauty" The old lady took the seat,
saying taruy;
THE age is plainly to be seen with the
naked eye, but glasses would be required
to spy out the beauty.
The passengers Uttered and the girl
fidgeted.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-02-01
Looking ahead.

A certain old clergyman, in a neighbor-
ing town, did not exactly suit his cOngre-
cation. so at last he applied for and re-
ceived the appointment as chaplain to a
large penitentiary- He preached his fare
well sermon, not word of which any one
could object to. excepting the singUlarly
inappropriate text, which gave great OF
Tense. 1t was:
Il go TO prepare a place for you, so that
where l am We may be also.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-02-01

Atlanta Journal: If the senate is such
an immoral body as Apostle Reed
Smoot seems to think, the wonder is that
he wants to break into it.
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1903-03-15
railroad Time ! able
.tchison- Toueka and Santa Fe BY.
Wichita and Western.

Wichita and Western.
Arrive.
No. Az, Pratt & Kingman Pas
senger. except sunday .........n 90 q n
No. 81, Pratt ard kirgman ac-
SATURDAY 20 m
Leave.
senger. except sunday -. 515pm
No. Az, Kingman and Pratt Ac-
FRIDAY - 15 n
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1903-03-15
Chicago, Rock Island and Pacific
Railway.
N-ES-~ RnT-N-D

Leave Daily
No. 1, Texas Vestib"led Ex.-.... 3 m
No 3, Texas Fast Express ...... = 3 m
No. 81, Daily Exert Sunday 80. 10 p n
EAST BOUND.
Leave Daily.
No. 2. Chicago Vestibuled Ex.... . m
No (, X. c. and Eastern Ex...... = p N
No. 60 Daily ExceDt Sunday III D m
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1903-03-15
Santa Fe
CoiOniSt One
Way Rates

One Way Rates 10 Pacific Coast and
Principal Western ard California
Points Every Day, From Wichita via
A., T. 6 S. :. by.
81. ao-To ogden and salt Lake City
81. 0o-To Butte anaconda and Helena
81 500 Spokane and Wenatchee.
Sz5.e1-To Everett, Fairhavs1 and New
Whstcom. va Huntington and
spokane.
Se5-ol-To Portland. Tacoma and Seattle.
s. el-To Ashland RoseburE. Eugene.
Albauy and Salem. via Portland
s.. oa-To Phoenix and Prescott. ARK. K
Paso AMI DeIiug
25.co-I-os Anreies Sn plego ard san
FranCls-1.
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1903-03-15
Steamship Tickets to All
Points On Earth
ON SALE AT

We sell through railway and steamship
tickets TO all points in the world. We
carry in stock tickets Of nearly all steam
ship companies. Below are a few:
Holland-American Line, New York to
Rotterdam.
French Line. New York to Havre.
Hamburg American Line. New York to
Hamburg
White Star Line. South Africa and
South America.
neutrality-suspicious. Line. New York to
Liverpool
North German Lloyd. New York and
Galveston to Southampton, Bremen,
Genoa, Naples. China. Austria and
Japan.
Mallory Line. Galveston TO New York
Anchor Line. New York to Glasgow
and Londonderry.
Cunard Line, New York and Boston to
Liverpool.
Allan Line, New York and Montreal
to Liverpool and Glasgow.
Oceanic Steamship Company and Pacific
Mail Steamship Company. san Francisco
TO Hawaii. Japan. China, Philippine ISL
ands. Straits Settlements, India and Aus
tralasia.
Besides the above-1mentioned we sell
through tickets and issue prepaid ticket
orders via twenty-seven other steamship
companies.
L r. DELANEY, Ticket Agent
Phone 1Ss.
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1903-03-15

smiling and polite SKIPPER. who would r.
uediately present rs ships parers. COW
cred w5;h seals
Examined hy a. Interpreter. the Tapers
would be Tou-d n order and Z re con-
raande- had 70 int-rTrse:c-. n could rot
make head or tan cut % them and
would hs obliged 20 1t the junk Con
tsr-e IT'S cr1ltse.-E- p SzuvsEle. q Fre-cA
army captain, II tn New ic.k Herald
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1903-03-15

Homes ceke-s tickets On sale first ard
third Tuesday OF each month; ore fare
plus s. Tor tie round trip n points IN
Oklahoma. Indian terrttory. Texas. New
Mexico and arizona. Fun Information
furnished ou application q
l. z. DELANEY. AGENT.
Telephoae - Wichita Kan
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1903-03-15
Barred Plymouth Rocks

and Partridge Coch-R Chickens. las pre-
miarus. h,EAest sccrc BE- Tie state This
year EEEs f-r Sole SelC f0rt e .r-T1.sr-
plies wholesale 41d retail Lees Ice
Killer sid EsE-AllkCr- CC-keFs = lre
cure oyster Shei. Mica Crystal CIT
Bone. Blood ard OF Meal
OTTO WEISS
Io5 :. Mead Avenue. wichita Kan
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1903-03-15

This private hospital is Tow one Of the
best equipped Institutions IN the SOUTH
west for the treatment Of both medical
and surgical cases Special attention Is
given 10 the various forms OF stomach
and liver troubles diseases peculiar 10
women diseases Of the rectuTn and gen
ito-u-fnary organs. chronic malar1sl poi
GiSeaxes OF The throat. lungs. heart and
llcneys. goitre and varicocle cured One
floor is reserved fer maternity depart
ueut and in some instances homes Will
b found FOR children For a short time
only q ward VIII BE st apart FOR the
treatment Of the morphine. opium CO
Caiue ard vhiskey habits
Resident physician. able medical stan.
Cuiet ard healthful location. extensive
grounds vf-h enc shade home comforts.
terms reasonable No contagious diseases
admitted Write for particulars
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1903-03-15
Missouri Pacific Railway.
Frisco Systcm.

Leaves Daily.
Limited ..... 81 p m
st. Louis & Fl. Smith Express. - Il p n
WEST-BOUND.
Arrives DALI
Kansas & Colorado Mail and Ex.. 70 p NJ
Meteor ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS - a N
The Kalispell bee. [volume] (Kalispell, Mont.) 1900-192?, 1903-05-08
For An American Citizen to Be Ar
rested Because
No Charge Against Him, But He Will
Be Detained In Jail Until After the
President Has Visited in Los An.
geIes-Prisoner Has Never Even
Acted Out of the Ordinary

Los Angeles, Cal, May S.-Acting
under instructions from Washington,
Thursday, man was arrested sup.
posed to be one of the four brothers
of Czolgosz, the assassin of the late
Presiden Mckinley Great secrecy
has been maintained about the ar
rest, no information having been Civ
en- out concerning the man. 1t is
known however, that he was arrest
ed and confined in the city Jail. No
charge has been lodged against him,
the police simply OBTAINING the man
on suspicion until after President
Roosevelt shall have left Los An
geles 1t is said that Czolgosz has
been living in this city for several
months, being employed in a tamale
factory. His actions have been, it is
stated, not out of the ordinary, and
no complaint is made of him, other
than of his relationship to the assas-
sin of President Mckinley.
The Kalispell bee. [volume] (Kalispell, Mont.) 1900-192?, 1903-05-08
M'l1jjII..II.(jjjGHil't$s |. rs 5
SUGCESS0R
Co!oac Ashby Appointed BY Cover
nor TooIe.
on Or LEES ROUGH RIDERS
A Resident OF Montana Thirty-five
Years-An Old Time Merchant and
Perpetua! Office Holder for Past
Ten Years--R. Lee McCuiIcuqh
Was a Hamilton Man.

Helena, May S.-Colonel S. C. Ash
by, formerly clerk Of the state board
for the insane. has been appointed
adjutant general of Montana in place
of r. Lee Mccullough OF Hamilton.
resigned. The appointment was made
by Governor Joseph X. Toole. Col
onel Ashby came to the state in 1867
from st. Louis, and entered the en-
ploy of |. G. Baker & Bros of Fort
Benton. In a short time he became
partner in the business and resided
in Fort Benton until 1870, when he
came to Helena as a clerk. He was
elected county assessor of Lewis and
Clarke county, which Office he held
for five years. In the meantime he
embarked in the real estate and in
surance business, the venture proving
successful. In the year 1889 he sold
came a dealer in agricultural imple-
ments, wagons, carriages, his oper-
ations in that line covering a wide
scope of territory.
In 1880. the Helena National bank
was organized, Mr.. Ashby became a
stockholder in the institution, and
two years later was chosen president
upon the retirement of John T. Muir
ply Colonel Ashby is native of
Virginia. and served through tho
civil war as a member of IT, S'xth
Virginia cavalry, under the command
of Col. Fitzhueh Lee. At the close of
the war, the family Of Ashby found
it's property had been swept away,
and it was then that Colonel Ashby,
barely 81 years old, sought employ
ment in st. Louis and later came to
Montana.
The Kalispell bee. [volume] (Kalispell, Mont.) 1900-192?, 1903-05-08
OF the Philippine Archipelago Is
Slow Work.
TEN FORTS ARE DEMOLISHED
BY the Invaders Of the Island of Min
danao, But the Sultan Is Finally
Run to His Last Ditch and Then
Is Captured by Moros With the
Americans.

Manila, May S.-Captain Pershing's s
column has defeated the sultan OF
Amparugnos, and a strong force of
Moros in the Taraca country on the
East shore of Lake Lanao, island of
Mindanao. The Americans captured
ten forts, 115 Moros were killed, l3
We're wounded, and 60 were made
prisoners. The Moros captured the
sultan. Two Americans were killed
and seven wounded. The American
attacked the forts Monday and cap
tured eight of them without suffering
any losses The garrison of the ninth
fortress resisted fiercely, and Captain
Pershing ordered the fort to be
shelled and then captured by assault,
which was done. Two companies of
the Twenty-seventh infantry and a
detachment of cavalry surrounded
the tenth fort, where the Sultan had
sought refuge, and it surrendered
Tuesday.