Lincoln County leader. [volume] (Toledo, Lincoln County, Or.) 1893-1987, 1903-04-17
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She (gushingly)- flows as natu-
rally from her as from little birdie
He (grufhy)-A parrot, perhaps!
Bridget, what did you say to Miss
Smith when she called?" Il told her
you We're out this tonne for sure,
ma'am."
There's one good thing about a mo-
tor car" whats that?" at doesn't
try to run up to every water trough it
comes to-
She-I, understand that Mrs. Emerson
is a strict vegetarian. He-Yes, very!
Why, she goes so far as to exclude
Bacon from her literary diet!
"What's the matter?' asked the
rooster ''more observation-disclosures?
'Yes," replied the hen; 81 can never
find things where I lay them"
II see the new magazine is out?"
Eyes; and thank Heaven, they've got
my poem right next to advertising
matter!-Atlanta Constitution.
George proposed to that girl and
would have married her if it hadn't
been for something she said. Fred
What did she say? George No.
Adsum-What class of literature are
you reading, my son? His Son-'Bout
a man and woman that got married and
were happy ever after. Adsum-Ah,
fiction!
"Did you see any sharks when you
crossed the ocean, Mr.. Spifkins?"
asked Miss Purling. "Yes" replied
Spifkins, sadly; 81 played cards with
couple"
'Now, Willy, you may give me SEN
tence that will be easy to parse"
"Yes'm How's this one: Said the
sparse, parsimonious parson: Parse the
parsnips!
"Who is the hero of this piece?"
asked the man who was coming out
of the theater. And the manager
thoughtfully replied: "The man who
is financing it."
$50 you are going to get an auto
mobile" YES" answered the man
who is always thinking of his health,
'the doctor says l must walk more."-
Washington Star
SIS Miss Tinker a good pianlstT"
"She is simply fine. You ought to
hear some of her classical pieces. You
would never know they were music"
-IpdiopopoIic Naws
Her Mamma-You certainly were
flirting outrageously with that young
man on the bench. Don't you know
you're married woman, and Mrs.
Gay-Yes but he didn't. n
Wife-You don't seem to enjoy the
dinner, dear. What's the matter? Hus-
band-I was wondering if there
weren't some typographical errors in
that cook book Of yours.
"He thinks of having his poems pub
lished in book form" well, that's
the best way of putting them where
they won't bother anybody" ."-Phila-
delphia Evening Bulletin.
Martha, where is the Letter that was
on my writing desk?" 81 posted it,
ma'am." But it had no address on it.
NO. ma'am, but l thought it might be
one of them agnonimus letters"
Mrs. Jones-And have you any refer
ences? Applicant-No, mum; OF tored
'em up. Mrs. Jones Gn surprise)-Tore
them up? How foolish! Applicant
Yez wudn't think so, mum, il yez had
seen 'em. ~
"Going away on vacation, old man
You need it, for you look all tagged
out" Great Scott, isn't that proof
enough that I've already been on my
vacation and just got back"-Balti'
more Herald.
Envious Young man (speaking Of IA
vored rivaD-Yes, George is clever and
handsome, but he is so abominally con.
ceited. Sharp Young Lady-But, Mr.
Dumley, If you were handsome and
clever would not you be conceited?
81 wonder why donkeys eat thistles p
said the man who Is always finding
something peculiar in life. "Ohv an
swered the person who likes plain food
There is no accounting for taste. If Q
donkey were to give the matter q
thought l suppose he would wonder
why human beings eat olives"
"Yes, said Cholly Lonson, proudly, as
the group of listeners clustered around
him, "yes, saved the lady's life. She
had fallen from the pier, and the watat
was dashing awound her. Powerless t.
help herself, she was sinking for the
third time when ran to the spot
Eyes, yes" said the breathless listen
ers. "What did you dor II shwieket