The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1903-05-26

NOG&AOA~ -
one of the most interesting men that ever
appeared in the hosiery Of Mississippi.
Referring to his ready wit, and fertile
Imagination, he related that on one oc-
casion Harris was walking along the
street with q friend when he saw the
famous preacher, c. X. Marshall, ap-
preaching. Marshall had preached IN
vicksburg for many years, where he drew
large crowds because of his eloquence anu
magnetism. He was greatly flattered by
his audiences and became very conceited.
Harris ut once impressed with the vain
air of tho minister, quickly, observed 70
his friend: '.There COOS Marshall await
Ing - vacancy In the Trinity"
During the Civil War when the Confed-
crate hospitals in Richmond were fll!Ho
with sick and wounded, some young Ia
dies of that city, moved by patriotic
spirit, formed a society for the reliet
and comfort of the unfortunate Confed-
crates. This charitable association was
called THE Daughters of the Lord On
n certain occasion one Of the most nttrac-
tive Of these young ladies' was visiting
the hospital with refreshments and had
given some cake and wine to soldier
of the Stonewall Brigade who had lost an
arm In battle. AS she was turning away,
the young Confederate, who was fascl-
mated by her beauty, said:
Miss. may l ask you who yau are!
She responded:
II am Daughter OF the LORD; can
do anything for your
Eyes, Miss" said he; tell your pa I
would like to be his son-in-laW.
Out in Denver, where the women vote.
q gentleman was interested In the cleo
ton Of the Independent candidate. so
ut breakfast he handed to his wife an
independent ticket, which was printed on
white paper, and requested her to vote
that ticket When they met at dinner, he
asked II she had voted all right.
Yes" said she, "but l didn't vote that
white independent ticket you gave me;
voted the Republican ticket; 1t was print
ed on pretty pink paper and matched my
shirt waist"
A tramp asked lady in a country
neighborhood for dinner.
"Certainly, my good man." replied the
lady: II Will give you dinner after you
have sawed the wood in the back yard.
The tramp assented. but asked her to
allow him to partake of the meal first,
as he was weak from protracted munger.
The lady gave him hearty dinner, nf-
ter which she said to him he would find
the wood behind the house. The tramp
went around the corner Of the dwelling
and Immediately returned. making his
way towards tho front gate. when the
lady called out to him:
my good man, did you saw the wood?'
The tramp replied with d cold express
sion In his eye:
MADAM, I am from Boston. and you
will excuse me, therefore, for declining
to continue conversation with a lady
who Is ignorant of the very elements OF
grammar. You asked me, did 'sa" tne
wood? You should have asked me dld
see the wood? Good morning, madam.
American to q Neapolitan. "Ning'll pu'
her out in three minutes"
"Prima facie." as defined by YER
ponter "is a case good on Its face, bu'
bad In the rear.
An amusing story Is told OF an old far
mer OF Spotsylvania county, Va, whel
he saw that General Lee was arranging
his troops near the farm house prepara-
tory to n battle. The good planter, whose
wifes nervous system was upset by the
exciting news, waited upon General Lee
and respectfully but firmly remarked:
You must move your battle off the farm.
Betsy is narvous."
A Missouri member, discussing n bill
Sulu. III TtIlIlus Ilc, BIT, u the Cuse VI
| n prcNlgate who went to a respectable
Judge. and said: 1.-THE laws of society are
| not properly constructed" What Is thu
matter with them?" said the Judge.
why. you are rich, and | am poor. nnt
think we ought to divide" "If I divide
with YOU" said tho Judge. 'at the END
Of six months you will have spent all o
your money; what will you DO them
| why divide again, OF COURSE" A vol.
ume on communism could not better ex
press the organic law OF society
An orthodox old Scotch lady, who, some
years ago. inveished against Queen Vic
toria when sho read that her Matest.
had gone driving on Sunday. A FRIEND
OF this pious lady retorted that the Queer
had not erred, for said she. you know
Christ gathered grain on the Sabbath.
Yes" said the good woman. II ken al
about that, too, and dnnn think any
more OF him for IT,
During the spanish-American war whei
Fitz lee was camped at Tampa. Fla,
with the Seventh Corps, a friend OF hi
passing by headquarters. observed tina
the Generals mosquito net was badl!
torn, Whereupon he called to sambo. tn
attendant; why don't you mend up tina
mosquito metz They nearly cat me N
at night" oh" replied the servant
'Marse I'itz too drunk de- fus haf d
, night to moind en-. and de mosqutoe
too drunk de las haf to trouble him
) Colonel Benton once displayed the OF
terprise of New England by an ane,
8 dote OF Christopher Emperor OF Hayt
G Hang up bag OF coffee in hell" sai
: His Majesty. "and Yankee would 8
{ down and bring 1t UP without bein
Q singed'
y A Western stump orator who was raj
/, ing against tho Populist party advis,
: his audience against Joining an organ
!, zntion that rnsembled the mule In mar
. respects, especially In tho fact that
r had no pride OF ancestry nor hope
n rosterity"
Several years ago some wealthy cal
tallsts In New York heard that tho Ne
: York Herald property was for sal
n whereupop they fired James Go
i, don Bennett, then in Paris