The daily journal. (Salem, Or.) 1899-1903, 1903-08-05
HumOr in
Want Ads

-
Not all the humor Of the daily press
Is 10 be found in its alleged funny cor
umns-not by a long shot! The aveI
age reader certainly would not seek II
In the small ads. but one mar VINO
believes that he can recognize iun
even without a label asserts the
want columns 81 the local papers
are simply trimming over with H. D
none the less irresistible. much OF IT,
for It's bland unconsciOusness. In sup
mort of his statement. he drew. the
other DAY. from one OF the pigeonholes
Of his desk a loose handful Of clippings
from the classified ads Of the local
papers. Some OF them are really too
good 10 be true. They remind one OF
the stock Of jokes about a piano TOT
sale by a young lady with carved
legs" The writer had always sup
posed that 10 be the invention OF some
frivolous man. moved by a desire TO
make merry at the expense Of some
superior woman But these-Well
there was no misiaking thes-tbey
really happened. every one OF them
and IN local papers. There was no
doubt as to the -genuineness OF the
.|clinuings. The first one read:
Tall. educated. professional wid
over past middle age. no membranes,
with ample income and fine suburban
home. desires TO marry before Christ
mas. Address d.. so -"
We gods and little hshesl What did
the nan expect7 In vain does the
fowler spread his net in sight OF the
bird. Would any girl with her eyes
open marry a professional widowerT
There's a nice profession for a man
What shall Il profit a girl II she gain a
tall. educated widower without In
cumbrancel. an ample income and a
fine suburban home? When she is
fairly married she finds that the path
Of matrimony In this instance leads
but 10 the grave.
"Wanted-An organist and a boy to
blow the same. Apply s.. GO -
Fun for the boy. possibly, but rather
hard on the o%rganist.
Then again:
For sale-Thoroughbred bulldog:
win eat anything: particularly fond OF
children
One cannot but doubt whether a
bulldog with such pronounced epicu.
rean tastes for the young and tender
would prove a welcome addition to
most families or neighborhoods. I'm
like the youth" and the bright young
lady of some sort" here Is n who Is
rather particular as TO what sort OF a
situation he takes:
"Wanted-A situation rs q son.in.
law, by n respectable gentleman In
..,,a raenoct,hl. fou,ux. unna blood |
aud breeding not necessary; being al
ready we'll supplied; capital essential;
no objections 10 going a short distance
into the country. Address W., 1l5 ="
"Wanted-A boy 10 be partly outside
and partly behind the counter"
That boy would have to be a dime
museum freak-though perhaps that
was not wholly an unreasonable de.
mand on the part OF the advertiser, for
II one can take their word for Il, there
are always enough freaks advertising
10 stock a dozen museums. For In.
"Wanted-Furnished apartments suit.
able for a gentleman with folding
doors"
There was a tantalizlng Indefinite.
ness as 10 Just where the folding doors
were attached and how they unfold
the gentleman. but Il would certainly
pay n live manager TO investigate.
Also this:
"Wanted-A room for two gentle.
men 30 feet long and 20 feet broad"
II there are two such gentlemen In
his vicinity, the dime museums have
certainly not done their duty TO the
city In allowing them TO languish in
obscurlty while they palmed on on a
l~ong-suffering public creatures Ike
Florence.
Use Trlh for LIQUOR habit.