The Democratic advocate. [volume] (Westminster, Md.) 1865-1972, 1903-01-03
Use SORRY FO' BITS"
A Negro Funeral Sermon Preached
in Fernandina, Fla.
From the Boston Transcripts


church was crowded with sorrowing mourn
ers; the men sat on the right side and the
women on the left; bandanna handkerchiefs
were in evidence There was much sniff
ling and wailing and bowling. Brother J..
was the preacher, and sat directly behind
the coffin, facing the congregation. He
had asked Brother Gardner, the presiding
elder, to say few words about the dear
departed, Brother Gardner arose, clearing
his throat vigorously and wiping his eyes
again and again. He glanced toward the
amen corner, where sat the bereaved widow,
Matilda, and long row of fatherless chill
dren. Clearing his throat again, he began
in the most solemn and holy tone
"Bredderin' an belubbed friends of the
por departed Brudder Jinkins We is
gaddered here agin today to mourn the OBJ
sequies of dis here pillar oh de church.;
him was lilly OBJ de valley "a flower OBJ
de flock, an de shepherd of Israel; him
was de best husband an fadder dat any
CONAN ebber had; him was chile OBJ de
Lord; him was de best man dat ebber trod
de streets of Fernandina, an we assemblies
to offer our sympathies today to por Sister
Matilda, an dem IL head of fatherless
chillun.''
Howl after howl went up; some of the
visitors felt impressed with the importance
of the late brother, and sympathized deeply
with the poor sorrowing widow, and won
derful how the church would ever get along
without him.
Suddenly Brother johnson, the preacher,
interrupted him as he was about to continue
his fowery praise, and, standing on tip
toes and screaming out with all his might,
called in laundering tones
"Brudder Gardner, am yo' throo?
Am yo' throo' tellin' all dem beautiful
lies? want yo' to know dat nigger am
dade; him's a long way past whar dem
beautiful lies of yourn am gwine to do him
any good whatsomebber, an him's long
ways past whar my trufe am gwine to
hurt him, an Ise gwine to tell the truf
about dat nigger! Him was the dead
beatenest niger Fernandina ebber seed
Him was drunk hand runnin' ebber night
fo' 40 years. Yo' an I, Brudder Gard
ner, amt done nothin' but pull him out OBJ
de callaboose thousands of times" (pointing
to the dead); "hump, yo' know, dat's de
trufe, old man; no 'sputin' wild me now;
lie down dar quiet, 1 say; de Lord knows
yo' would be drunk dis minute if de debbil
didn't hab yo' or had any whisky dar yo'
could buy. Iwant de congregation to stop
all dat sniffin' round here ober dat lazy,
trifin' drunken niger; an as fo' wastin'
your sorrow ober po'r sister Matilda an
dem 13 hade of fadderless chillun, [, me,
myself fink she done made mighty good
radiance of bad Rubbish" (with loving
glance toward the amen corner), can |
hope the fust young buck she I'll spark will
be me! An what $ more, dis here niger
cost me money fo' dis box to bury him in;
Ise out of pocket S., an Ise gwine to be
disembursed befo' / leab de meeting
"Yo'se all sayin' yose sorry round
here; now Ise gwine to sib you de chance
to show how sorry yo' am sho' nough;
come along heah ebbery last one of yo' an
put yo' money down in tangible sorrow an
show how sorry 20 is; walk long up libely
now an put yo' money down.
''Sister Polly Ann, yo's working fo' SIS
month; yo handkerchief done say yo's
sorry a lot; what yo' pocketbook tink about
it? How sorry is yo', Sister Polly?'
Sister Polly tucked away her handker
chief, and sailing up the aisle, plaintively
said, else sorry fo' bits, and laid down
so cents upon the coffin.
The preacher kept on with the collec
ton ''How sorry is yo, Brudder Gard
ner? Come long up here an lay down
yo' money! How sorry is de mudder OBJ
de church p
The mother of the church walked up and
was sorry ''six bits, and laid down her
money.
GLOW sorry is yo, Sister Amp
Sister Ann grieved to the extent of ''two
bits, ~ and so on through the congregation,
the women hurried up the aisle, proud of
chance to show off their new frocks, and
put their money in tangible sorrow, un-
til an old auntie hobbled up on her cane
until she reached the coffin, then wheeling
about and facing the congregation, she ex-
claimed
81 nebber hear de trufe told befor at
any niger funeral, an Ise gwine to tell
de trufe. Brother Jinkins was the mean
est nigger de Lord ebber made, an amt
sorry one picayuneP (and here she gave
the edge of the coffin a laundering rap
with her cane) "fo' yo' shore stole ebbery
hog ebber had in Fernandina.
And thus Brother johnson called out an
honest expression of tangible sorrow to
the amount of $40. rs; S. he put instantly
into his pocket; the rest he turned over to
the widow; and in less than two weeks he
was the proud possessor of the remainder
of the funeral money, for he bravely mar
ried the widow and 13 ahead' of father
less children.