The Minneapolis journal., 1903-04-25

unOefSCaIQ l. WOnQef! ana Go women
who sell themselves ever find any real
pleasure in the bargain?& The most elo-
quent examples, the ones. that Sell them
! selves to many men, lead wretched lives.
But does the Wonlan who Sells herself to
but one senjoy life any YFmore She's surely
las bad. from standpoint Of m orals, and
I imagine sometimes she is less happy. |
At any rate she has less freedom and
more obligations under her contract. You
see am philosophizing. pretty coldly. Now
| be Mortified if you will.
| 1 am selfish by good right, tho. "Havent t
we spent all our surplus in keeping you
up for a good marriage?" says the mater,
meaning by a good marriage that shall
bring enough money, into the family. to
''keep up it's traditions: am, in other
| words, an Investment from which, they
expect large returns. told her hoped
| she could trace her sedshness to its
source as clearly as I could mine. and as
for the family traditions, Fred was pre-
serving those in an excellent medium.
Which was very ugly in me, and I cried
afterwards and told her how sorry was
| Are you shocked by my cold calcula
tons? Well am trying to let you under
stand me- and I Is - - II y 80
| = ~ have no time to waste = ''.s:
In patching hG leaves for the naked truth.
! I am cursed not only, with consistent
feminine longings and desires. but in,,spite
of my training and the examples around
me. with distpelinatio to, be- wholly
vicious. Awhile ago marriage meant only
moresluxuryEand less worry about money.
never gaYek any thought to the husband,
certainly never CONCERNED myself with any
notions Of duty or obligation toward him.
| The girls know are taught painstaklngly
how to get a husband; but5nothing OF how
to- be a wife. The husband in my case
was to be ain Inconvenience. but doubt
less an amusing one. For all his >oppres-
sion, if there wersl that; and even for the
tmerej offelse of his existence, & should
wreck my spite nerrily on his vulgar dol
lars. ...r-~ r -,,,.....' = u. :. -.
but YOU are saying that I like the pres
| ent eligible That's the trouble. I like
| him SO we'll tnaNen't- the heartrto marry
him.. When I WAS twenty could ehave
loved him devotedly + believe.,T New some-
thing seems; to be gone, some freshness
or fondness.. I can still love-I knew 1t
only too we'll night and day--but. 1T must
/ be a different kind lof a man. lie istse very
young and reverent and tender, and IN
way so unsophisticated. He is SO afraid
Of me- for all his pretense of boldpess;%
Is it because I must be taken by sheer
force? I'll not be surprised if it is. Do we
not in our secret soul of souls nourish TINS
beatitude:s "Blessed is. the man VINO
destroyys1 all BARRIERS FIofences, Akemit
said as much one day, and Florence, poor
SOUL knows something of the matter Do
we not sit defantIy behind the barriers
| insolently Observation-Disclosures capital
punishment for any assault relaxing not
one severity, yet falling meek and sub
missiye and glad, to the man who brutaly
and honestly beats them down, and de-
stroys them utterly? So many fail by
merely beating them down. OF course II
| an untidy litter. is left we make row.
We reconstruct the barrier and that par
ticular assailant is thenceforth deprived
of a combatants rights. What a dear you
are that can say these things to you
| Were girls so frank in your time?
| Well, my knightSof the golden cross
(joke; laughter and loud applause, and
| cries Of "Go on!'') has a little, much in
deed, Of the impetuous In him, but, alas,
! not enough. He has a pretty talent for it,
but no genius. If were married to him
to- morrow, as surely as I am a woman
| should be made to- i1flict pain upon
him the next day, with an insane stress
to show him, perhaps, IWas not the ideal
woman he had thought me-perhaps out
of jealousy of thatsvery ideal T, had in
1 spired-rational creatures, aren't we?-J
beg pardon-not We, then, butt. Now he,
/ being q real likable man Of a man, can I
| do that-for money? : Do I want the
money badly enough? Would I not even
rather be penniless with the man who
coerced every great passion and littlest
2! impulse, body and soul-perhaps with
very hateful insolence of power over me?
I Do you know, II suspect sometimes that
I've been trained down too fine. as to my
nerves, T. mean; I doubt if it's safe to
pamper and TRINA stimulate and re-
! fine woman=ir in that hothouse atmosphere
at least il she's a llealthy woman. She's
| too apt sometir1e ITO break her gait, get
| the bit of tradition between her teeth:
and then let her impulses run away with
| her. H..
| Oh, Mutterchen. I am so sick and sore
and yet filled with strange gneW zest for
this old puzzle !of life. !, Will I ever be the
same again? This man is going &to ask
me to marry him the moment I am ready
i for him to-, Shall be Kind enough to
tell him no, or shall T steel myself to go in
/ and hurt him-make: him writhe? s
! And yet; do you know what he gave me
while was with him? I wonder if women
| feel it. commonly It was a desire for
Motherhood @curiousiy vivid and very
definite longing-entirely irrespective of
him, you understand. altho he inspired 1t:
Without loving him or: being at all moved
| toward him, he made me :sl1eer1y want to
be a mother. Or is it. only that men We
don't love make lis feel motherly?
! Am I wholly irrational and selfish and
| bad, or what am I? I know you'll love
me- whatever Il it is, and nlsr T. t. wish now .
could snuggle on that soft. cushiony
| shoulder of yours and go to sleep.
Can anything be more pitiful than "a
1 fine old family afflicted with dry-rot
| like ours? I'm always amused
when I read about the suffering in
| the tenements. The real anguish is up in
| the homes like ours. We have to do
without so very many more things, and
mere hunger and cold are easy compared
/ to the suffering Weafeel.
Perhaps when Fm back to that:struggle 4
| for appearances. I'll relent and barter
1 my charms as the old novels used to say.
sanely and decently like a well briught up
| New York girl-With certain reserva-s
tions, to q man who can't support the.
family In the style, to which, tt wants to
become accustomed. Yet there may be;
a way out. There is Bines daughter,
for example. and ma anlnla. /, who never does
/ one- half where she can as well do two,
will marry her: to Il reaA sase4ea On
/ the other hand. Joe Drefmer was putting
lin words for young Mauburn, who will