Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1903-04-30
STORIETTES.

p. T. Barnum was a great practical
joker. On one occasion he notified the
dealer from whom he bought a large
amount of supplies that half the pep
per he sent him was peas. The dealer
indignantly denied the charge, and
quite a warm correspondence follow
ed, it being finally ended by Barnum.
who inquired whether half the letters
in the word pepper" We're not p's.
Terence v. Powderly. formerly com.
missioner general of immigration, met
Senator Penrose, of Pennsylvania, Just
outside the white house the other
morning. Flows your govt getting
along?" bystander asked Mr.. Pow
derby. I'm troubled with an old in
jury to my knee, but l suppose you
might as well call Ii govt as anything"
he replied up my way" remarked
Senator Penrose, they call it whisky
on the hoof
did Stanton say / was damned
fool?" Abraham Lincoln once remark
ed in surprise to a delegation that re.
ported to him one of the many in
stances in which the secretary of war
refused to obey the presidents orders,
''He did, sir, and repeated it," After
a moments pause the president is said
to have remarked, sadly: well, IL
Stanton said was damned fool, then
l must be one, for he Is nearly always
right, and generally means what he
says. will step over and see him."
On April FOOLS day, the audience at
an amateur dramatic performance in
the naval academy at Annapolis was
startled when one of the instructors
made his appearance before the cur
tain about the time the performance
was to begin, and solemnly announc-
ed: II wish to make an announce
ment---a very sad announcement.
Under the circumstances 1t scarcely
seems fitting that the entertainment
should proceed. Word has just been
received that one of the navy's vessels
has gone down with all on board!" A
hush of horror followed this gravely
| delivered speech, for most of those
| in the audience were connected by
close family ties with the navy. What
was the name of the vessel?" came q
voice from the rear of the hall. "The
| submarine boat Holland" replied the
instructor, as he lodged and made a
hasty exit.
In an article on Some Humors of
Congress-" in the Century Magazine,
| Francis Il. Leupp says that Represen.
| tative Harter of Ohio used to be one
| of the most earnest and vigorous de.
| baters in the house. In the intensity
| of an argument he quite forgot his sur
roundings. One day he was laying
| down the law in an impassioned way,
and telling what ought to be done
with a certain public abuse. 1--WE
ought to seize it," he cried, "as a ter.
rier does rat, and shake the life out
of it," In entire self oblivion he
| reached forward and seized Mr.. Nc.
| Kaig of Maryland, q rather small, light
man, lifted him by his coat, and shook
| him, suiting action to words. McKaig
was so astounded that he quite forgot
to struggle, but naturally he was much
incensed at the indignity. 1t took the
| interference of several friends and
the most profuse apologies from Har'
ter to avert hostilities and restore
good feeling.
Rev. w. w. Waddell declares that
enemies of the Protestant faith have
made missionary work in Bahia, Bra
I'll, especially hard for him by telling
the more credulous that the religion
which he represents permits all kinds
of special wickedness. Accordingly
men and women came to him and ask
to join the Presbyterian church OF
Bahia, which now has about one hun.
dred members, with the understanding
that they continue in certain vices.
Il remember one man." he says, for
example, coming to me and asking If
he could become a member OF the
church, and when l asked him IL he
understood the creed of the Presby-
| terrain faith, he said: No; but | want
| to go to heaven Then, of course, you
| expect to lead an upright life? / said.
| No, no. was the answer, that's just
what | don't want to do. They tell me
that one can sin all he wants to and
| belong to your church. The religion
that used to believe in was too strict.
| They wanted to pardon me and then
license me to continue my life, for a
| certain sum- | didn't have the money,