davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-04-26
MUSIC WITH GAS.
Pulling Teeth Made a Pleasure and a
Pastime.
tNew York Yorld.)

(Now York WorldD
Laughing gas with music" IS thc latest
combination OF science effected bv am
enterprisIng. dentist of Manhattan ave
nue.. Brooklyn.
Tooth pulling pleasure band con-
cert with each extraction is the motto
OF this dentist Street pianos avoid the
block in which his office is situated for
out Of the window Goat the strains af
Mr.. Dooley '.The HOLY Citvn and
rolllcking airs from the Prince of Pie
sen instead OF the shrieks and groans OF
patients.
which toothT asks the dentist of
like a stubborn one. oh. no. 10 won't hurt
Bit What did you say your favonte
opera VASE?
AT inns point the new patient gets rest
less and With the rubber dam I'm his
mouth gurglcs something about looking
Tor dentist, not "a theatre.
win the AIR Of ~ impresario, Fcn-
ciuni or "a Sousa, the dentist moves about
his work The gas bag IS brought out
and with it a. mysterious box with long
tubes attached.
'There-just a moment whispers the
dentist, adjusting the gas attachment
Ziug, kissing sound. Whlrriug, and q
beautiful smile % crspreaus the victim s.
face as the tubes OF monograph laden
with operate selections are adjusted 40
"There's only One Girl" begins 20 bo
ground out and the patient passes away
and when be wakes the tooth IS out and
there Is surprise at seeing the blazing SUN
instead of the falling curtain Of an opera.
''Fts great, said the dentist. ''hut u
sometimes causes strange fanCles among
my vic-er-patents j mean. one man
attempted 90 throw viOlets on the stage
when he heard The Melancholy MARSH
mallOW.' IL takes only q few gulps of gas
and the soothing influence of The Palms
% put the most nervous patient I'm shape
for operation
No I can't say that Gottschalk.s
Last Hope OF the Swan Song is popu-
lar. There's too much feeling On them
Take sweet. impresslOnable young
woman. with dreamy blue eyes and fluffy
hair. and I turn on There's Nobody Just
Like You Eftect2 Wsl. should say SO.
Just a gulp or two and ! can pull every
tooth in a mouth. Sometimes they even
want encores and are willing to sacrifice
another tooth just for the concert and
the cas- effect
For the Youngsters ] have some lively,
catchy music After ! pulled four molars
for "a bcv the other day he woke mp anu
asked me which way the circus parade
had gone
'"Fhe music so0thes the patients anc
they are more readily affected by the gas
They do not hear the noises OF the sJreet,
and fixinC their thoughts on the music
they 40 not tight ags inst the gas and be
come unconscious more quickly. me
therapeutic value Of music In dentistry Us
nUW recognized.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-04-26
business and the Golden Rule.

IS. +. Kiser i'm Chicago Rccord-Iieraid)
A Chicago business man says tAat mo
business man could live up 20 the prln-
cples of the golden rule.
"Oh. let US have done win the Golden
For it isn't business;
1t may do Tor the dreamer stlu OF inc
fool,
But it isn't business.
Let the poet sins ON OF brotherly love
And the joy that Is earned through De-
Ing kind;
Let the preacher pirate on Of glory above
That viii do Tor the meek and the lame
But ii isn't business.
you may fan, if you please, Is gouge
where y0u can,
But IL isn't business;
You may hate 10 bear hard on another
But il isn't businessl
You may scorn 20 undo one who's weak
Aad seek no more than you know you've
You may treat other men as you'd have
them treat YOU,
But. beaten and poor. at last youn
have learned
That il isn't business.
Has IT come to this2 Must we deem It soy
Then adieu 90 business.
Let us back 20 the fields and the plow
and the hoe.
And have done with business.
Yet. because some weeds have grown
rank and tail
Shall we say no flowers may bloom
again?
There is greed but it hasn't engulfed
us AN.
And honor is stiu I'm the hearts of men,
Who are doing business.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-04-26
PROVO

MIS- Dr. Hardy has returned from a
very pleasant visit I'm Park city. While
there she was the guest of Mrs. Charles
Shields
Mrs. Nels Markham gave a very enjoy
able surprise On honor OF Miss louise
Walker al her home on Friday evening.
Dr. and Mrs. Straup of Bingham We're
the guests OF Miss Beulah Bachman this
week.
A very enjoyable surprise was given
in honor Of owen Freeman at his home
on Friday evening.
Miss Oue Pike Of salt Lake is visiting
friends iu Provo.
Nrs. Lizzie Parker of Salt Lake was the
guest of Mrs. Nellie Berry on Tuesday.
b Miss Lizzie Miner of salt Lake was
visiting Miss Edna Beck tlis past week.
The marriage of Hugh McGeen and
Miss Anne tombstone was solemulZed lu
salt Lake City this past week. They VIII
senator ana Mrs. C.. j. Loose returned
on Tuesday from California. where Mrs.
Loose has been spending the winter
The wedding reception OF Miss Viola
Barney and Royal B. Wooley takes place
ON Wednesday next M the residence OF
Mr. and Mrs R a. Barney
Miss Lillian slater has gone east 90 at
Miss EsJena Nsf Of salt Lake was
Prov visitor this week.
Hon. William Glassman was the guest
Of Mayor Taylor ON Monday.
Mrs. Henry Malbcn has returned from
a pleasant Salt Lake visit.
Mrs. Rose Jones Of Salt Lake is visiting
With her old Provo friends.
Mrs. E v. Vincent was The victim of q
very happy surprise party on Monday.
Mrs. judge BOothe entertained the sun
day school teachers of the Fourth ward
on Friday evening.
Air. and airs. ID. Jensen entertained on
Friday evening in very delightful way.
The guests were McssrS. and Mcsdames
$50. D.. Rydalch. j. T, Farer. Jacob Evans.
David 0penshaW, .. F0utZ. .. r.. Jones.
John wilson. VIII Ward Arthur Truel-
Sou Or. snyder. j. ST.. Farrer. Walter
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-04-26

it made him even more secure in his con-
vlcliOn that the 0YercDat and the spring
vacation were his He wandered into the
office some time after 10 O'Clock thar
evening from his assignment and there
was sort Of gloom there he could not
understand. Fellows were figuring fe-
verisnly. and be began 90 have dreams
that perhaps Haymaker had run away
with the city, and he was sore an him
self that be nao not borrowed some more
money with which Co back lD his faith
and the foresight Of the political re-
porter
But at last be heard the news. The
election was conceded 20 Hays, and IL
upset him SO much that az first he could
not find a key on the board of his type
writer. He thought at first he had type
writer's cramp, but IL turned out he only
had the gamblers crouch, and he did not
know the d1Ierence. However, ne got
through his work without saying q word
10 anybody that he did not have %. ami
when al last his nights work was fin
ldned be turned over in his palm the last
quarter remaining 90 him IN the world.
with pay day q week ahead He figured
that he remained up until > o'clock
and took a daylight car he could have
l5-cent lunch with nickel % bring him
down town tho next day and ne lld-
But the political reporter knew that
"BOsey' had staked his all on the cleo
tion, and be passed around the word that
"BOsey" had gone broke. Next night
when the reporter came TO work there
were many eyes cast in his direction
when he entered the office hungry
enough 10 eat his typewriter desk and
mad enough TO fight a Kilkenny cat,
First of an, IL was the biggest reporter
In the office who came 70 him. The
giant was once a cowboy ana was known
70 be there with the goods in a rough and
tumble. He solemnly handed a fisttul
of lead pencil stumps TO "BOsey,' say
ing. This may help you out"
-BOsey" did not want TO give the snap
away and be took them with his usual
smile. Then a faded typewriter ribbon,
which was responsible for many muir
der story on week days and sermons on
Sundays, was put on his desk by the
fellow who does police. Even the dainty
little society editor, with her skirts
punched in her hand, came forward and
prOflered an orange from her lunch.
This was the real goods. and "Bosey'
was just hungry enough to eat this Of
fering. Finally. after all the members
of the staff had been told Of his wiping
out. and i'm turn had given him a rusty
knife a bit of lead as "a paperweight, a
bunch Of copy paper Canadian dime
from the financial man and sundry other
things. useless and not edible. the office
with his eagle eye. thought IL was up TO
him TO present this smiling man with
something. He had his lunch In box,
and about midnight ambled up TO
"BOsey' last and most innocent of all
the gang, and with a bashful smirk said;
Everything coming your way to-
night, so here's a slice of my pie"
And "BOsey' answered:
NOW. you're talking"
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-04-26
A Pnzzline Speech.

Congressman Moon OF Tennessee has
fine farm in north Georgia, which he
utilizes as "a summer home.
The Republicans OF the section once in
Vited a Tennessee speaker to address
them. That kind of "a speech was an in
n0vation in the neighb0Ih0Od ana the coll
Orel section In particular was mystlIeu
by the spellbinder's remarks.
The next day a negro who was working
for Judge Moon said 20 him. Judge, does
YOU know Mistuh Blank, whut lives up
Ter Chattanooga
"Oh. yes answered the Judge, Il know
him mighty well. WhyT What about
him."
Muffin sub, ceptn' he made a big
speech oVeh at FlutstOue las night"
els that so? What was he speaking
about
Of doan' hardly know. suh DIES whUt
ne WAS a=EpCakiu' CrDOuL'
Well was it "a lecture, "a political
speech, or WhatT
Ell doan' know DIES 'xactly sub, but 1
reckon FL mus a BEN q perlitical speech,
kase. be bused de white folks q right
smahL'
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-04-26
BORE A CHARMED LIFE.
An Old Grow That Picked Holes in
Live Hogs.


say sou seed a hundred crows la one
uockt asked an Illinois farmer OF a man
81 no was telling him Of q Visif na 00I
made 10 the country few weeks ago.
he farmer leaned over in his chair. tool.
am az cuspidor halfway across the
lobby of Dearborn street hotel. ana
turned again to the city man -Segd n
nunoredt I've seed millions on 'em But
You cou see EN- any more. Crow day is
Wen nieh gone Time WIZ when the
pesky birds mighty nigh eat us outen
house an home. 1 amt seed EN- So
thick for five or six years or SO am I
reckon they Amt a-gOlu' 90 De So plenti-
Ill again / larned goOd many idees
on EN-.
You may not know that a crow Is the
INNS taat comes closest 20 a cat in haY-
in its life renewed a lots of times IT'S p
fact When the corn belt was simply
a-sWarmin with them, an you couldn't
hear yer own ears fer the Gavin. they
would almost eat our hogs mp.
zone year 7 had a bunch of fine porkers
ana the crows would light on The backs
of the hogs and peck away until they
nearly killed EN-. ! stuck mp an kinds of
scarecrOWs, but that didn't DO a speck of
good. 10 got 50 bad at last that I had
and shoot crows an day. They are mighty
shy of the smell OF gunpOWder but they
viii risk "a good many feathers fer a bite
Of live hog.
a-runnin' across the lot a-squealin and
ON his hack rode "a crow a-peckin' away
Ter dear life. / run out and scared tnI
bird away, but ii wasn't long until here
he come a-ridln' in on another He Kept
&c up till ] got tired of chasin' out, and
got my old rifle and hid behind the wood
shed. In a few minutes long come an
other hog a-sQuealin and the same old
crow a-peckin' holes in his back ] knew
] could plug a chicken hawk on the fly.
so ] took aim al OLD Mp. Crow. The rlr.o
went bling, and Ill be burned il that hog
didn't drop as dead as a door nai. The
crow flew away Gavin at noe. and I was
so al-fired mad 7 hiL the gun ovec post
and knocked il into smithereens.
After that : got dozen shots at the
same crow with an ola muZZle-l0auer and
i Knocked enough feathers out Of the bird
90 make q suit OF mOurnln Ter an indian.
One day I kind @ crept upon him, took
good aim and blew his dad drafted head
often him. That bird had nine lives If he
had any at an and ! amt SD sure he
wouldn't have got away after ] shot him
III / hadn't tied him on pole fer a
searecrOW'
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-04-26
WHEN BosEY WON.
Newspaper Man Who Lost His
Money, Saved by Office Boy.
Plttsburg Times

"a ANtHHAta tAAlE0sI
His friends call him "Bosey," because
De once lived IN a town that has a name
sounding like that, and he ls credited
with having quite a fund of dry humor
himself. lie is newspaper man, but
happened 20 be working on a sheet which
was supporting Haymaker iu the recent
campaign for city recorder. Like ali
of his tribe and profession, "BOsey" Is
very loyal 20 the sheet on which he
works, and DE believed implicitly that
it was on the right tack. He also OWNED
that Do had the best political reporter
west oil the AllegnZnies and TO him
Bosey' pinned his faith. This political
seer was making predictions OF the ava
lanche with which Haymaker was go
ing 90 come down from his perch on
TOP of the Hays people. and "B0sey
10 make enough money to pay the Feb
ruary rent and also the incidental gas
bills that were 10 bulk so big.
Bosey' is the sort OF fellow who pre-
ters 90 commune with himself and so
bis pOW-WOWs resulted in D taking an
his money out of the bank and plaster
Ing Dc over the city on Haymaker. Then
he sat back with one of his inimitable
smiles and waited for The avalanche
which was 90 mean so much 20 him. He
figured on an early spring vacation at
the seasnore and one OF those new over
coats which have a belt half way around
the back of them.
Then came election night, and, Of
course. "b0sey was busy. lie had
slimpsed the afternoon papers. however
and saw that there was an extremely
heavy vote, considering the weather, and
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-04-26
Extra Pious

Little Janet has. besides "a good anne
lite, devOut turn of mind and I'm her
innocent zeal I'm this direction is often an
example 10 The rest of the family Her
observance Of the silent Quaker grace at
the beginning of each meal is a pretty
thing 20 look upon with it's spirit Of naIve
and trustful THANKSGIVING
AT supper The other evening Janet mad
gone through her usual grace; then the
Viands Were brought In and she immedi-
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-04-26
Pointed Paragraphs.

Chicago MOVED
Too much pie is apt to make a man
more Crustv than H.gHs.
hirt rs tho name OF "a Now YORK ltlE-
and OF course l. UaaE
A writer without ambition is almost aa
bad as p0eI with au idea.
The pen ls ca mighty engine t-sr SOM .-
times runs away Wirl tle engineer.
II "a man has no sense .. huunr Doe is
sure 90 ger funny at the wrong -.u..
The man who most frequently la.s pare
don cares The least El .luE lr gets If
Women forget l.t at fllr-- t.t. move
Cr would forgive Sc they remembered
them
Am oh bachelor Says .fat .i-mress in
"a man IS Synonymous with s.uHaurHl..z
l. !. M.M...
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-04-26
BUsGLARs' TOOLS.
Their Possession Would Constitute a
FELONY.
washington StarO

ct sincerely trust that 1T viii not re-
ouire some atrocious murder by bur
eIar IN this city To accomplish reform
which the police department has been
endeavOTing 90 effect for some time re-
marked "a headquarters detective sergeant
10 a Star man this morning.
"A law should be passed making IT n
felony. a penitentiary offense, punish
able By Imprisonment for term he-
tween one and five years for persons OF
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-04-26

the cold. cold ground az $50 IL must
have taken Bis breath away. il was done
so quickly, and.
Many a slow. sad march we'v taken
To the bands low. mournful 6irge
Many a star-decked box we've followed
To the graves most solemn verge.
Celleuce of the paper, as we'll IS for the
idea Of IT'S Inception, IS T. SWayne, an
enlisted man OF The Seventeenth Infantry.
To is worth notins thai an che work 90
the production has been done bV enlisted
men. The result says a great deal Tor
their intelligence and artistic ability
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-04-26

some time. and the manager not showing
up, be sent tor hlm. The lmpresarlO ar
dian that owing 10 the IacL that his box
oruce had been attached % would be ut-
teTiy impossible Tor him 70 comply with
ms request.
pale beneath his makeup. Finally, in
voice OF thunder he exclaimed
-I YOU dOn pay me mE salary now,
ca the spot, i refuse Go wash mp ana 60
h8mc.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-04-26
A stubborn Man.


Digby Bell was reviving memories OF his
starring tour I'm Jupiter for the benefit
of some of the people in the "Mr Pick
wick company recently In seems that
Mr.. Bells manager at the time had an
irritating way Of forgetting to pay sala-
rics when business was bad There was a
German in the company playing a char
acter part and one night he refused
point blank t0 so on unless his money was
forthcoming.
The manager persuaded him 70 make
up and so on, after having given his
solemn word that the salary would be
paid Immediately after the performance.
When the show was over the German
waited patiently in his drAssing room for
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-04-26
: KEEP YOUR FOLKS POSTED
ABOUT YOUR HEALTH.
. Cablegrams to all parts Of the
. world. Rate 70 New York
City only $3.50 Mex.
per word.
. SHERIDAN CABLE CO., LTD.

SHERIDAN CABLE CO., LTD.
ti.-e a. srotber bringing n mind the
trials Of the soldier with some Of his
''9'' 'GREENWOOD. CATERER.
QIATE WITH DELMONICO'S, NEW
York;
sPECIALTY-The slum that made Del
mOnicO's famous.
And a bid for the patronage OF the arts
as follows.
HOWLER DOGGEREL MANU-
FACTORY.
The HOWler maintains special depart
meut devoted 10 The. manufacture or
verses commonly e45i99 5 S]410 ~ N n
SPECIAL PRICES BY YARD OR ROD.
II you have patent medicine 10 SELL
1V O6e of The poems. "A Soldiers Fare
we'll IN ne Philippines" has more than
passing merit about II. Ihe last Two
verses are as follows;
FaTn. from thy high estate. thy once
Has turned I'm retrospect to happier days;
And while the world around mas thun-
,rbv V Vesterdav has seen no setting sun.
Thou art a giant. by tradition chained
THY STRENGTH is Slapped, by long inacuoh
drained.
Turn from thy vision of vain glories past,
And from thy languid limbs the shackles
Beat thou thy warlike. glitt'ring, gleam-
10 p llls modern implements Of peace;
And WOO the favor of the bounteous son
By honest. steady. thrifty, trusttul toll
Another UttIe poem. with a real comic
$50 svginr about a. is ''rhe Belle OF
sulu." il runs IN this STRAIN
There's a beautiful Sulu belle,
With shapely qu,eeenly ne .l,l .-.,ere
There's a mystic spell In her eye 6eAeA1'
And her teeth are betel RED.
Her dark. long floating tresses
Are sweet % with oil Of Coco
know full well its fragrant smell
Win surely drive me loco.
Her nose is gently retr0usse-
And mayhaD slightly flat. .. ,.
I've often thought tnat once II cdubHI
A swinging baseball Dat
Her dress is rich IN color
Tho in texture cheap and mean
I her waist thin stuff OF yellow DULL
And her pants are pink and green
II IS greatly 20 be feared. too. that a
Z Iowlv born American custom has FOUND
its yvav 40 the islands. for among the
Spanish fashions for Jolo appears the
.Datto Joakanain, the Acknowledged
Beau Brummel OF the court, recently
served, champagne frappe out OF a
chastciv plain metal can lately imported
! from America As a result all the young
NAHUM bloods may be seen near the rear
entrance of the JolO commisslary build
/ Ing endcaVOTing 20 secure one OF the
/ priceless utensils.
Tbe little paper echoes. though often
uuconsclOusly the Wretchedly conlining
/ atmosphere of a small garrison post ia
/ the outlying islands of the Philippines.
Here and there creep out bits that re-
mind one Of the constant necessity Tor
caution and the everlasting chance Of
| treachery and disease. For instance.
Quick work with that Moro, Sunday.
I Alive and well 81 $50 ,. "a. Buried Ia
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-04-26

ately bowed her little head again in si-
lence.
why. Janet is saying two gracest '
said her older sister.
Yes answered Janet. "but when
said the first one / didn't know we were
going 90 have fried chicken
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-04-26
SULU has A NEWSPAPER
WHICH is A HUMMER
CChlcago Record-HeraId)

N1ulCdBu LtccUIu-IltItllu.J
For the first time in history the do
main OF the sultan Of Sulu has been in
vaded by a newspaper-a real live Amer
lean product. as full OF ginger and IN
terest as wit and intelligence can make
a. 1t is the JOlO HOWler. published zoe
casiOnaily' by the enlisted men of the
United States army CHARTERED in JOlO.
walled town and the principal port OF the
Sulu islands. The name Of the paper
may not sound euphOnlOus 20 unfamiliar
ears, but when YOU are told that JOlO is
pronounced HolO the music of the jingle
becomes apparent at one-'the Holo
HOWler."
AS there was not an "em'' of type in
the whole Of the Sulu islands, the men
of the Seventeenth infantry. to whose
desire for an outlet for their literary tai
ent the paper owed its start in life were
forced 10 make "a typewriter do service
for them. BY using the finest kind OF
linen paper and then pastlng II on heavy
boards they have been able 10 produce
seven copies of each number all OF which
are embellished with artistic work Of
high order. done by hand in black and
white and colOrs.
The fame of the first issues has spread
through the whole Philippines until now
all copies are at premium. The Howl
er Is an eighteen-page paper bound with
linen thread The loneliness or a settle
ment like J0lO for American soldiers
whose work there is one Of constant col
Deprived OF their canteen the old social
center of the encampment. the men
sought for months 70 amuse themselves
in all sorts OF Notwithstanding the Moro
boys in baseball and weaving mats from
native grasses. The one recreation of
the islanders-coCk fightng-goes on in
J0lo increasingly but this sport the
soldiers fight shy of and will take no
part I'm.
Finally the idea Of a newspaper was
started. and the scheme was taken up
with enthusiasm. eliminating few
weeks later i'm Creditable effort
over two dozen numbers have ale
ready been issued. An arrangement
with the cable operator for the printing
Of uucensOred news gave to the little
paper much information about affairs In
the United States that was very welcome.
The balance of the publication is made
up of editorials, amusing personals,
poems OF more than ordinary merit,
sporting page. a page of "Jolo Jollies.
general Philippine news and number
of very clever take-offs OF advertise
mentss
Among these advertisements is one that
will undoubtedly cause many Of Uncle
Sans Sl3 a month men to invest 1t
reads as follows:
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-04-26
An Explanation
tChicago Nocsl

pat-O -ay MoIk. uhat makes Thin
legs aV YOURS SO stlumpy2
Mike-FaIth au Fl. HIz brought CT
b0uth bv sudGu' Sthop iu me travels
pat-PhOy. how WIZ tlptt
AI{kc-Oi rode uIp ln balloon wan
t0im an walked back. b6orrE.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-04-26
IN SOCIETY.

Whitehead. James Farrer. T. H. Sparks.
ID Smart. II. w mllon Mrs ShumWay.
Misses sadie Graham. Electa Smoot. Hat
ne Richmond. MossTs. il. Eugene Jones.
Roy Dixon and So. H. Lcedham.