New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1903-11-08

The painter apparently thought he could improve
on the first side when he planned the reverse.
Which was the original?
BrowneNWhy. he gave to understand he
BTowne-No; think I understand It now. He
Invited me home to dinner with him the other day
and the meal was most elaborate ne %aIyec co me
ing.-(Philadelphia Press.
A lad OF Enid. Okla. in the geography class was
deenI interested In learning the points OF the COM
pass Said the teacher: you have in front Of you
the north on your right the east and on your lett
the west. What have you behind your?
After few moments reflection Charlie e1-
claimed: "a patch on my pants" And to make
the information more binding Charlie continued in
a shamefaced manner: 81 knew you'd see 1t; told
mamma you would
Doctor-Ah! out for constitutional
She-Yes: l walk two miles before breakfast
every morning for my complexion.
rs the drug store so far as that?'-CLondon
Taller.
One must go to the Kansas newspapers for new
and picturesque forms Of expression. Speaking Of
girl who passed the coffee and sandwiches at &
recent party a Jewell County paper says: She
waited upon the guests with a magnificent social
alertness most pleasing to all"
As Illustrating It-Tls manager Of the works
was showing the visitors through the electrical
Here" he said. us where We have to exercise
but the accidental pulling OF small plug some
times deranges the entire machinery 80
double chin Il once deranged the entire ma
chinery of my family for half day by accidental
in taking out my knife. None of them had ever
suspected me."-(Chicago Tribune.
In North Heights family" according to the
ever veracious Joplin CIo) News-Herald," there
is an infant prodigy who as a timekeeper has
far iIy clio ski
ciseIy o'clock every afternoon the infant falls
into a heavy slumber Regardless Of conditions
the baby is bound to have his sleep. No matter
where he may be at the time, the baby closes his
eyes yawns and drifts into dreamland. The chd's
parents have noted the remarkable trait of their
offspring, so. quite naturally. they much
alarmed the other day when the young man closed
his eyes and fell asleep ten minutes ahead Of time
oh. I know my little tootse wootse cannot be
wrong walled the mother as she rushed to the
telephone. Hello. central she excitedly exclaimed
what time is it,? Six seconds past g. the
reply The fond mother drew a sigh Of relief.
Her clock ten minutes slow. Since then the
neighbors regulate their clocks every afternoon at
5 o'clock. and they have the slightest doubt
that they get the correct time"
THE IRONY OF FATE.
Her mother taught her everything
a good wife ought to know
She taught her how to sweep and cook.
Emoroder. darn and sew.
She grounded her in useful arts
Like making bread and pies,
But alas! she never taught her how
To make those "Goo-gOo eyes;
"Adorn the home OF some good nans'
"An exemplary wife.
whose children rise and call her blessed7"
On, no-not on your life!
She's spoken Of as that old maid"
BY the folks who call a spade a spade!
-(Brooklyn Life.
Among the police exhibits from San Diego. Cal.
at the ST. Louis Worlds Fair. will be reproduc-
century ago at cost OF 5000 An interesting
story in connection with it is that the contractor
who constructed it It's first prisoner, and easily
made his escape from IL after he had built what
he said was G model prison.
Great delicacy is needed in dealing with certain
aTvro .appeny bloaters for favver's tea nles.s
mum" said a little girl to the lady Of the fried
'S at-erfaInly. ma tear" answered the lady. ..ana
'ov, would YOUR fader like EN- wrapped up-fr
Free Trade 'andbill or a Perfection poster?"-0.on-
don Globe.
An amusing story is told of Massenet's solitary
exnerience with gun 1t was when he was
Prix de Rome musical student at the villa Medcis
which has given to the world so many composers
He bought a brand gun and beautiful dog
which ran between its masters legs at the first
shot and nearly precipitated disaster. Some
how Massenet was always late with things that
either few or ran but. noticing pike baskng near
the edge of a pool he fred st the fish and killed
IL afterward returning TO Rome with 1t on the end
OF his gun as the local custom Is. This was
Massenets first shooting party It also his last
II Ia good plan occasionally to take your
troubles 10 some one who will point out that you
are to blame for having them-(Atchison Globe