Lincoln County leader. [volume] (Toledo, Lincoln County, Or.) 1893-1987, 1903-05-08

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A Great Hand: Mike (teaching Pat
lpoker)-Well. what hov yez got? Pat
-Four trowels and a black shamrock!
Puck.
She-Doctor, is Squeedunk a good
place to go for rheumatism? Doctor
Sure. That's where l got mine.-De-
troit Free Press.
Frightful: Pat has got an awful
cash in his face" Does it seem to
hurt him much?" mo. He uses it to
eat with" New York Sun.
when Mr.. Casey died he left all
he had to the orphan asylum" In
deed! That was nice of him. What
did he leave?" His twelve children"
Chicago Evening Post.
A Sunny South Item: "Where in
thunder are you going with that stove
and all those overcoats" 81 am going,
my friend to spend the winter in
Florida Atlanta Constitution.
Phrapper (after his tenth miss)-Oh,
hang the birds! Keeper-Sorry, sir,
but we amt got no string; but il you
likes 70 let me have the gun I'll shoot
'em for you.-Glasgow Evening Times.
Quickest Way: Mr.. Kidder--People
say that it is impossible to find nee
die in haystack-but they're wrong.
Mrs Kidder-How would you go about
it? Mr.. KidderTWalk across the stack
in my stocking feet.-Denver Repub-
lican.
DIR. Smarty-Had very delicate
surgical operation at my place yester-
day. Removed an arm from lady's
waist. DR.. Synnex-If it was your
arm the operation could not have been
very painful to- the lady.-Boston
Transcript.
And now," said the teacher. at the
end of long description Of the brain,
where is the seat Of memory? Can
any of you tell meY' "Yessum,' re-
piled Johnny Brighteyes; "in the lit
lie finger, where you tie string around
1t to make you recolect"-Cincinnau
Commercial Tribune.
Restful Rawlins-Dat new hobo hez
jess completed his first century ride
on de trucks in a freight train! Mar
row-Gauge Nevins-Did it please him
much? Restful Rawlins-Not a bit!
He said de dust an jolts reminded him
J NV de days when he wuz rich an own
ed an "auto!'-Puck.
Shopkeeper Whose patience Is COM
pletely hausted)-Snippers. call the
a porter to kick this fellow out Impor-
tunate Commercial Traveller (undaunt-
o ed)-Now. while we're waiting for the
porter, I'll show you an entirely new
line-best thing you ever laid eyes on
Glasgow Evening Times.
Are you sure the course Is cear:'
= she whispered. sliding down to the
arms of her lover. "Yes," he respond
ed; II succeeded in boring hole IL
" the waterpipe. Your father has dis
covered it, and will keep his finger ovel
the hole until the plumber arrives
q Comew-Philadelph Bulletin.
I Somewhat Broken: "Was Mrs. Muir
Z ply pleased when she heard her lus
0 bands voice on the phonograph?' ?
q "Very much So" "But the record wal
scratched and his speech sounded in
:. conerently." Eyes, she said 1t sound
ed lust like him talking when he cam'
e home from the club."-Chlcago News
\ The Self Effacing Act: Myer-In old
en- time 1t Is said that 1t was possible
for a man to render himself Invisible
y Gyer-Pshaw! that's not at all remark
y able. Men in this country are doinl
II II every day. Myer-You don't tell Inc
How do they manage it2 Gyer-B
> marrying famous women.-Chlcag
y News.
l. Mr.. Mulhooly-Phwat fur are ye
le maxim such noise on that pianny
IT Y'r drivin me distracted wild y'r raci
- ct, an me head achin' loik 1t wud spl
81 in two PAGES! Daughter-Them ne'
" neighbors mkt door has been complain
IN in of my playin'. Mr.. Mulhooly-B
or porra. hammer harder.-New Yor
IL Weekly.
Not SO Bad: Mrs. Henpeck-1 rea
AZ this morning about man who we
ne arrested twenty minutes after his WEI
e. ding and sent to prison for fiftee
. years. Isn't that awful? Mr.. Hel
ore peck-Oh, don't know. The la
tb. doesn't compel him to take his vii
to prison with him, does it?-Balt
more World.
Taken at Her Word: "Now," sa
lat Mrs Biggleson's cousin at breakra
on the morning after her arrlvi
MIS- "don't make company Of me. l wal
this to be treated just as If were one
she the family" "All right" replied NJ
Rioy,eson. helping himself to the tc