The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1903-04-04

that quarrel you had with Mr.. Black.
Boston Transcript.
Jimson-Im going to run over to the
club for an hour. my dear. Mrs. JIM
son-lt is not necessary for you to go
anywhere Tor an hour. I can give you
all the hours you want right here at
home.-Kansas City Journal.
Little Tommy-Can I eat another
piece of pie? Mamma (witheringly)-I
suppose you can. Tommy-Well. may
/? Mamma-No. dear, you may not
Tommy-Darn grammar. anyway.-Lip~
Dincott's.
PhilanthroDist-Ho your digestion7
Jobles Jerry-Same as me: looking foa
somethin' ter do. Only it's WILMER
than 1 am Baltimore American.
If mule ever amounted to anything
his stubbornness would probably be re-
ferred to as force of character.=Chicago
Record Herald.
when a woman wishes to retire
from the world says the Manayunk
Philosopher, she enters a nunnery. All
a man has to do IS to marry a famous
woman. ''-Philadelphia Record
Bill, how're ye s morning? Joaxley-
Why, how do you do. Mr.. Campbell7
soakley-CamDbell Shay, my name
amt Campbell. Joakley-That's so. 1
suppose called you that absent mind
edly, because you're the kind Of an an
imal that can go SO long without water.
Philadelphia Press.
What do you put on your face after
shaving? asked the man who smelled
OF bay rum. Court plaster, usually
replied the nervous chap, gloomily.-
Cincinnati Commercial Tribune.
An Irishman was arrested for kill
ing a man at Donnybrook fair by
cracking him over the head with a
shillaleh. At the trial il was shown
that the victim possessed a very thin
skull. The 1rishman was convicted.
and being asked if he had anything t.,
say before sentence was pronounced,
replied: mo. your honor; but was thar
a skull for a man to go to a fair with %
philadelphia Ledger.
Who was that girl I saw you with
at the theater last night?" "Oh. she's
a wild animal trainer" wild amman
trainer?" YES; teaches the fifth grade
N grammar school; mostly boys
Buffalo Express.
The only race problem in this neigh
borhood at present is to see who can
get first to the shade tree at the fur
rows end.-Atlanta Constitution.
so you lost again" of course"
OCA40AA Tie NURSE you Oct on rum
Yes. he could run very well: but he
couldn't SWIM "-Washington Star
Monument Man-What shall I put on
your husbands tombstone, madam?
Detected Wfdow-Oh, say that he was
my husband, and that he is happy now.
Life.
Mrs. Oldwed-My husband has given
up card playing during Lent Mrs.
Justwed mot to be outdone)-And mine
has given up smoking those lovely
cigars 1 bought him.-Judge.
A girl went abroad from Dubuque,
Intending to get her a. duque.
But the price was so high,
She wasn't able to bigh,
And the neighbors cried. ooh. what a
huque." Detroit News.
Nedd-Whatl You are out every
night until 8! Isn't midnight late
enough? Todd found when I get home
a midnight my wife could talk to me,
but when I get home at 3 words fail
her.-Idfe.
Rollo-Poor girl. Just as she met her
ideal he Dorothy-Died? Rollo-
Monet hiss-Puck
Facetious Doctor-These on the wall
are your failures, suppose? Dyspeptic
Artist-Yes; that's where you doctors
yours.-London Taller.
Our wishes are not as orthodox as our
prayers.-Life.
''He is always ready to lift up his
voice in defense of his IDEAS" said the
admiring citizen. Yes answered Sen.
Sorghum, but what is the use of
lifting up his voice if he doesn't put up
any money ?''-Washington Star.
The Maid-shan I dust the bric-a-
brac, mum? The Mistress-Not today,
Nora. I don't think we can afford it.
Pick-Me-Up.
ITO hear that young clerk talk you
would think he owned the place"
''How's that?''R why, he never says a
word against his employers. kansas
City Journal
It is said that King Edward has or
dered four barrels of Kentucky whisky
since the coronation. From which it
would seem that when King Edward
reigns he pours--Atlanta Constitution
The Daughter-Jack promised that If
I accepted him he would mend his
ways. The Mother-Humph! 1 haven't
much faith in this repairing done while
you wait.-Brooklyn Life.
Correspondent-You saw what the pa
pers said about you this morning, I pre-
sumo? Returned Millionaire (president
of great corporation)-No don't
know what they said about me; but
you may say for me. sir that there
wasn't word of truth in it.-Chicago
Tribune.
Has your husband a bookplate?"
asked Mrs. Oldcastle as she sat down
in a delightful corner of the new neigh
boris magnificent library. No" replied
her hostess. Josiah never has got orc
of them yet. He says he'd rather keep
hisn in the cases because they git SO
dusty when you lay them OH a plate
Chicago Record Herald.
Mrs Henpeck.-Wasn't he we'll off be-
/ fore he got married HenDeck-Cer-
tainly my dear. Every man is.-New
] York Sun.