Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1903-07-27

Husband (angrily)-I never saw 4
woman as hard to please as you are.
Wife (calmly)-My dear you forget
that married you-Chicago Daily
News
Making progress: Williams, have
you named the baby YETI" Almost.
We've got the two grandmothers to
Tribune.
Patience-Did you say she came
from fighting sock? Patrice-Yes; her
mo her and father We're both members
Of church choirs in their early days.
Yonkers Statesman.
Mrs. Gramercy-Do you think it was
an intentional slight on the part of
Mrs. Newrich? Mrs. Park-Why, no,
my dear. She hasn't been a lady long
enough to know how to be rude
Puck.
In Boston: The Policcinan-Say, son,
are you lost? Child-No. sir. | know
my whereabouts perfectly, but pre-
sumo my father and moth r would like
to he directed to where | am.-kansas
City Independent.
The Owner-See here. You want to
| handle that trunk more carefully. The
/ Porter-Tll look out for it, sir. | know
man who let one fall on his toes last
/ month, an he amt out Of the hospital
yet."-Town and Country
TO its detriment: zone thing can be
said about our opera houses" remark
ed the Observer of Events and Things;
too much attention seems to have
been given to the acoustic properties Of
the bOXes."-Yonkers Statesman.
Salesman recommending blue neck
tie with large pink spots But
wouldn't you like one like that? I'm
selling lot of them this year. Sar
castle Customer-Indeed! Very clever
of you, I'm sure.-Harvard Lampoon.
All day: Her novel is not one Of
the ephemeral successes" Indeed"
''Oh, yes. 1t was published before 8
o'clock in the morning, and was not
completely forgotten until quite a bit
|
How is your youngest daughter get
ting on with her music?" "Splendid-
ly," answered Mr.. CumroX; 'her in
structor says that she plays Mozart in
way that Mozart himself would
never have dreamed f."-Washington
Star
How is your daughter getting on
with her music?" "Splenddly," an
swered Mrs. Cumrox; she can go to
classical concert and tell exactly
where to applaud without watching
the rest of the audience ''-Washing-
ton Star.
The Count (old enough to be a grand
father and after Miss Moneytom-I
hat asked your mamma and she gif
her consent-and-now I-er- Miss
Moneytun-I am so glad! But won't it
be funny to call you papa ?-Lippin-
colts Magazine.
A London clockmaker has placed the
following notice in his window: The
misguided creature who removed the
thermometer from this door had better
return it. as it will be of no use where
he is going, as it only registers 125 de-
grces. ANSWERS.
Safety in numbers: Branngan-
Come home, an teck supper wild me,
Flanagan. Flannigan-Shure, it's past
yer supper time, now; yer wife'll be
mad as halter. Brannigan-That's
.,l> toll lA fvr-n e
Philadelphia Public Ledger.
Il recall Il remark that General
Grant made to me once at dinner"
said boastful Woodby Graft, (which
IL think can guess what it was"
said Pepprey. What" Keep the
change for yourself, my man." -Phila-
delphia Press.
"IIow wasteful of that gardener"
murmurCd the star boarder as he bit
savagely but hopelessly at his aspara-
gus. How is that?" asked the land
lady. "Why, if he had let these stalks
grow one week longer he could have
sold them for telegraph poles. BAL
timore American.
Parson Johnson-Ah wish de mud
ders OBJ dis congregation would bring
deyr babies to church wifi dem. Nevah
mind how young dey am, jess bring
EN- crlong. If dey am too young to
appreciate de significance oh de SER
vice. dey can. ut least. yell an keep
de deacons awake.-Puck.
The American Father: Ascum-An-
other baby, and Il girl this time, Ell?
How does it make you feel to have a
daughter? Popley-Great. One Of the
first things you think about it is how Il
foreign nobleman will come counting
her some day. and how you'll turn him
down good and proper. -Phildelphia
Press.
A heavier loss: Hank. In the dark
watches of the night they could plain
ly hear footsteps in the kitchen. Bur
glars" he exclaimed. hastily covering
up his head. "Oh Henry. sighed his
wife; Il wish | had your faculty for
looking at the bright side of things.
I'm sure it's that Brown woman try
ing to entice my cook way."-Kansas
nd