The Providence news. (Providence [R.I.]) 1891-1906, 1903-04-06

for it has indirectly escaped me already.
The poor weak words which have failei
10 describe Miss Fairlie, have succeeded
I'm betraying the sensations she awakened
in me- II is so with US all. Our words
are giants when they do us an injury,
and dwarfs when they do us secret
loved her.
All how we'll know all the sadness
and all that mockery that is contained
I'm those three words. i can sigh over
my mournful confession with the tender
est woman who reads II and pities me.
I can laugh at II as bitterly as the hard
est man who tosses II from him I'm con-
tempt / loved herl Feel for me, or des-
pise me. I confess Il with the same i'm
movable resolution TO own the truth.
Was there no excuse for me? There /
was some excuse 10 be found. surely, \
in the conditions under which my term \
OF hired service was passed at Limmer-
dge House.
MY morning hours succeeded each otner |
calmly In the quiet and seclusion OF my /
own room: | had just work enough 10 /
do. IN mounting my employers drawings, /
to keep my hands and eyes pleasurably /
employed. while my mind was left free 4
to enjoy the dangerous luxury Of It's own .
unbridled thoughts.
A perIlous solitude. for IL lasted long
enough TO enervate. not long enough 10
fortify me A perilous solitude, for II
spent, day after day and week after
week alone I'm the society 90 two women
one OF whom possessed all the accom-
pllshments OF grace, wit ard high-breed-
ing. the other ell the charms OF beauty
gentleness. and simple truth. that can
purify and subdue the heart Of man. Not
A day passed, In that dangerous intimacy
OF teacher and pupil, IN Whlch my mana
was not close 10 Miss Fairlies; my
cheek. as we bent together over her
he
more attent.vcly she watched every move
ment of my brush. the more closely was
breathing the perfume of her hair and
tho warm fragrance OF her breath. II was
part Of my service 10 live In the very
light Of her eyes--at one time TO he bend
ing over her. so close 20 her bosom as 10
tremble at the thought OF touching II; al
| another 10 feel her bending over me,
( ben ling go close 20 see what was about
/ that her voice sunk low when she spoke
/ TO me. and her ribbons brushed my cheek
In the wind before she could draw them
tack.
The evenings which followed the sketch
J Ing excursions OF the afternoon. varied
| rather then checked. these innocent.
/ these inevitable famliarites. Ny natural
/ fondness for the music which she played
with such tender feeling, such delicate
womanly taste and her natural enjoy
ment Of giving me back. by the practice
/ Of her art. the pleasure which had Of
| fered 10 her by the practice Of mine, only
| wove another tic which drew us closer
| and closer 20 one another. The accidents
| of conversation: the simple habits which
regulated even such a little thing Is the
position OF our places at table; the play
| OF Miss Hslcombe's evcr-ready raillery,
always directed against my anxiety, as
| teacher. while IL sparkled over her en-
thusissm as pupils the harmless ex-
preston OF poor Mrs. Vesey's drowsy ap-
| proval which connected &fiss Fairlie and
! me as two model young people who never
disturbed her--every one Of these trihes.
and many more. combined TO fold us to-
| gether In the same domestic atmosphere
and to lead us both insensibly to the same
! hopeless end
/ should have remembered my position,
and have put myself secretly on my
guard ! did so: but not till II was too
late. All the discretion. all the expert
ence, which had availed me with other
women, and secured me against other
1 temptations failed me with her IL had
been my profession. for years past to be
in this close contact with young girls or
all ages. and OF all orders OF beauty.
had accepted the position as part Of my
calling In life; | had trained myself 10
leave all the sympathies natural TO my
age in my employers outer hail. az
coolly az / left my umbrella there before
went upstairs. / had long since learned
to understand, composedly and as a mat
ter OF course that my situation in life
was considered guarantee against any or
my female pupils feeling more than the
most ordinary interest i'm me, and that !
was admitted among beautiful and capti-
waiting women, much as n harmless do
mestic animal is admitted among them
| This guardian experience I had gained
| early: this guardian experience had
sternly and strictly guided me straight
along my own poor narrow path, without
once letting me stray aside 10 the right
hand or to the left. And now l and my
trusty talsman were parted for the first
time Yes, my hardly earned self-control
was as completely lost to me as II had
never possessed e.: lost TO me as IL Ia
lost every day 10 other men, In other
critical situations where women are con-
cerred / know. now, tnat | should have
questioned myself from the first ! should
have asked why any room i'm the house
was better than home to me when she en-
tered IT, and barren as a desert when she
went out again--why always noticed
and remembered the little changes in her
dress that ! had noticed and remembered
| In no other woman's before-why | saw
her heard her. and touched her (when
we shook hands at night ard morning. as
| had never seen. heard. and touched any
other woman In my life7 | should have
looked into my own heart. and found this
new growth springing UP there. and
plucked ~ out while II was young. why
was this easiest, simplest work Of self
culture always too much for me? The
explanation has been written already ~