Sequachee Valley news. (Sequachee [Sequatchie], Tenn.) 1896-1952, 1903-11-12
A PROTEST FROM ANN.
Memphis ommercIal Appeal:

general attack on the bulwark OF our
sex-the pursuit OF illusion as to our
age.)
am Ann, and just want to say that
l have stood all this noteriety about my
age just as long as intend to. It's got
to the point that can't pick up paper
without having my complexion suffused
with bushes at the unfeeling and braz-
en- way in which the delicate subject of
the number of years that l have lived
in this world is discussed and computed
In every one of them. For instance,
this morning received communica-
tion to this effect:
"If a chicken and half lays an egg
and half in a day and half, and pea
nuts are a nickel quart, how old is
Ann?"
I'll just have these horrid men III
they were women they'd come right out
and say that was about two and half
times-not less-older than say AMI
I'll have them understand that it's no.
body's business but mine and the fam
lily bibles. know somo people who
don't consider that it's any OF the BIZ
ble's business, either, and don't mind
cautious erasures and reduced substitu-
tion of figures, but have always re-
memb bered what tho Good Book says
will happen to those who take away
one jot or little from the words of it,
and l am not for monkeying with them.
Naturally lady's age.after she's past
certain point mot saying what point,
for l would not give these curiosity
mongers the satisfaction of knowing
even approximately how old | am is an
exceedingly nervous subject l have
too much regard for the subtle reserves
of a lady's being and for my several sis
ters whom everybody knows to be older
or younger than am in an exceedingly
trying and regular order Of successi on,
to make any damaging revelations.
After lady has passed the limit on
the near side of which only her years
may be said to be tender, it's her feel
ings that begin to take on the tender
ness that has ceased to be a quality of
her years. | consider it ungaIlant and
unchivalrous of gentlemen editors and
spiteful of the women that have got
mixed up in the affair, to continue this
unseemly and indecent strife over the
question that has embarrassed me nc
little and caused great deal Of Enisun-
derstandings between me and persons
who will not admit the force Of logic in
the statement that the American wom-
an is as old as she says she is.
My friend, Mary, is treated lightly
and frivolously in the connection and is
no doubt, highly incensed, as any lady
of proper feeling must be, at having
her name handled about, but with Mary
it is not the same personal and aggriev-
ed feeling. Nobody seems to want to
know how old Mary is-though, let me
tell you, if the truth were known, Mary
Is good deal older than am, though
she never admits it. Mary hasn' the
high regard for the family Bible that
have.
If they hadn't all been so scandalous-
ly mean and Haunted me and my age II
the face of everybody through the
length and breadth of the newspapers
of the land, l would tell them where
they could find the Bible. Not many
years ago an instinct OF family preser
vation against the wiles and pryings O
the unreserved and unregenerate curl
GUS of the land moved the members o
my household to take up solemnly anC
with due respect for its own age anC
the healthy accumulation of ours on it:
pages, bear the family archives to thC
topmost shelf OF the darkest and leas
accessible cuddy-hole of the mansion
Since then we have, with one accord
maintained a dignihed and, evidentl.
oppressive Ito other people) silence oI
the subject
have no intention of satisfying thi
vulgar and publicly Haunted inquiry in
to my private affairs even If the power
full mentality of Mr.. Henri Watterso
is disturbed and Mr. w. R. Hearst ha
sent out a staff OF correspondents on a
investigation.
The weather bird of the st. Loui
POst-Dispatch will have to continue it
unrequited song of yearning to kno'
/ how old am. The Chicago Daily New
, had just as we'll cease to hold its form
for the latest solution in a possibl
. hope that it is a correct one. Th
. Times-DemOcrat editor may take tt
Q iced towel off his head and no longs
: burn the midnight oil and consume II
}, midnight stimulant in the vain effo
Q to find 1t out
J. have sworn my family in. l will,
S necessary, drug the keepers of tl
n school records of the days when | W
b innocent and unsuspicious of futu
% sensational inquiry. | am the big
" keeper Of the state secret OF the age
D Ann, and don't intend to turn it alo,
p So the wheels OF the routine of ordi
rs airy doings may just as we'll be greas
= up. Tue fate of the nation will plea
e. kindly consent 10 hang little longe