The Providence news. (Providence [R.I.]) 1891-1906, 1903-11-28
tcUntfuusd.)

tNOntiHuousJ
Abner chesley had been little uneasy
IN his chair for quite a SPELL and when
Jasper sot down he got up and says:
'Mr. Chairman, after ] found my boy
was a using up so much time on what
you call Christian Science religion. made
up my mind Ia look into the matter on
my own account He'd bought Mrs. Ed
dy's book and paid three dollars for 1t.
which was about as much as I'd paid for
all OF his school books until he was fifteen
read IL through from lid to lid, and
have been so thoroughly convinced about
the matter that I've come here tonight 10
defend the ideas as set forth I'm that book.
as relating to Christian Science. for all
they are worth"
Now Abner is the greatest hand at
trading horses OF anybody In the town.
and when he makes a trade It's generally
considered that he's got a little the best
of the bargain but whenever he has any
thing to say about his dickerin' it's al
ways I'm kind OF facetious way so that
nobody can tell whether he has or hasn't
made q good trade, and his talk on other
topics Is generally arter the same strain.
and nobody can tell whether he means
yes or no. Well, he went on to say:
Now. TO begin with, it's my opinion
that Christian Science means just this:
When n man trades hosses and thinks
he's made an amazin' great bargain he
hasn't made any trade at all, for there
ain't any hoss In the bargain. It's simply
81 nightInare--thats all You see this is
tlu "a ma N
remembered what an experience he had
had after going TO bed with mince pie on
his stomach; how that old raw-boned hoss
had jumped on 10 his chest with all fours
with steam putting out OF his nostrils.
and fire ablazin' out OF his eyes land just
when he was about TO push him of he
ups and lays his bony old carcass right
down on his stomach, and then he sets
up on his haunches and looks him in the
face and shows all OF his teeth by opening
his mouth pretty wide, SO that he can tell
his age. still putting more steam In his
face and more fire out OF his eyes.
Then his wife nudges him under the
shoulder and says. What's the matter.
John7' and then John wakes up and
grumbes something about a nightn~ re,
and turns over and snores out the rest
of the night.
Now that's the way" Abner went on
10 say, that Christian Science was
started. In my opinion. In the morning
the man remembered how real the old
hoss seemed In his troubled dream and
then he began TO muse and think the
matter over, and say to himself Now
IL that old critter I'm my dreams was so
real that l could feel his tail switch
against my face, how do I know that
those hosses out I'm the barn that paid
two hundred dollars for are the same
kind Of animals?' And then he jumps
onto his feet as IL he's scat about to
death in the mighty revelation that has
come TO him. when he exclaims: That
Il, Why not? Sensible? or course 'tisl
Nothing but a nightmare! That's all life
IS"
"You see" says Abner, "You stand
the struggle about threescore and ten
wears, i'm trying TO get the old hoss of
your chest, and then, after the old raw
boned cuss has had all Of the fun he
wants with you, and gets up and walks
of, you shuttle off this mortal coil and
wake up and find II all gosh blasted
dream!
Now there's consolation for you,,'
SAYS Abner. "Of course the book doesn't I
produce any proof, and the members Of
the Society don't pretend to prove any
thing they, claim. But that doesn't count
anything with them. YOU and I know
lots OF folks right her I'm Canterbury
who callxerlate that ev ence and proof
don't cut any swarth witt their opinions.
They say it's So and that ends the con-
troversy What's the sense of proving
anything If foks'n swallow everything
whole that's fixed up for them without
examining the dose2
Now" says he. there's bees i don't
suppose but what they'd claim that the
sting OF one OF them little critters Is
nothing but imagination? Well, II they do
can tell We that it's the acutest, cussed-
est little piece OF imagination that was
ever got together I'm small cumpaSs
Then, again, suppose the thousands
OF pounds OF honey that I've sold from
my bees during the past thirty years Is
nothing but sweetened imagination and
I might as we'll go out OF the business
We'll. may be So But then, after think
ing Il all over, I've got kinder attached
10 II. and I calkerlatc III stay i'm the
bee business spell longer. just TO be
kinder obstinate.
''Ihen." says he according to their
notion. the rooster that has been crow
ing at 3 In the morning for the past few
centuries. has really been out of JOB
for it's simply been only imaginationl
'sWeli" SAYS Abner, II don't know
what the rest OF the farmers of this town
are going TO do about this matter, but
7 can tell ye now. Mr. Chairman, that
I'm going to keep on In the hen bust.
ness n spell longer, and take the
chances" Then he went on to say:
''when they talk about the mind beine
the only thing that carries on the busi
ness OF this world. and that imagination
is responsible for so much, ] wonde'
how they'll fix n up with themselves
and their neighbors when man and hi:
wife go down TO New York City 20 se'
the sights and stop at a big hotel, and
instead OF turning of the gas they blow
n out and go 10 bed. What's the result
They wake up the next morning to fnc
themselves dead-or the hotel folks do
et any rate.
New. will the Christian Science crow'
have the audacity 10 say that they wer'
asphyxiated by the influence OF the min'
Well. n they do they'll have to maxi