The semi-weekly messenger. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1897-1908, 1903-04-17

HUNTING FOR A FOOTHOLD.
Downright. 1903, by Robert Howard
Russell.)
Once there was a Young Man with a
College Education, an assortment of
Cravats and about IS. in Real Money,
who was anxiously looking for his Life
Work.
He wanted to break into a Learned
Profession so that he could wear his
Good Clothes all of the Time and get
the Coin without working too hard
for It.
His Idea of a dignified Snap was to
sit in a small Office about three hours
every Day and have the Public come
in and pass Money to him.. The Med
jcal Game struck him as being about
the softest Proposition Of all.
He thought that all Doc had to do
was to lead the Mark into the
of Horrors where they have the Skulls
and the Butcher-Knives. loo him over
ask a few Questions, tell him to stop
Smoking and then tap him for a V.
So the hopeful Graduate went to the
old Family Physician for a few Tips.
The antique Medicine Man threw a
when he heard Of the
Boys Intentions.
ANY one who tackles the Aesculap-
ian Stunt is a v~itrified Mutt" said his
Whiskers. IF you must earn your
living. be a Porch-C1imber or a Short
Change Man. We now have in this
Country four Medical Degrees to every
ease of TOnsilitiS. Most of US are kept
so close to the Carpet that we have to
buy last years Magazines, to put in
the Waiting Room If a Patient dies.
all of his Friends say that you helped
to push him off. so they underrnlne
YOUR Practice and begin to plug Tor
Christian Science. If he gets We'll, he
gives you the Laugh and you have TO
go after him with q Constable. If you
acquire a Reputation, they work the
Night-BelI on you and if you range
a Dinner Party it's a Cinch that some
Old Lady three miles away VIII ring
in an EpiIeptic Fit and crab your
whole evening. Nix the Materia Med
lea! Turn back before il is too late.
Thereupon the Collegian bethonSnt
him Of the Law. So he went TO Old
Judge Caveat and said he wanted TO
start right in Reading.
If you can ispense with Eating Tor
the next Is Yenrs, come and JOIN our
noble ProfessiCI," said the udge. If
Won have go into the Food Habit,
however. and feel that you may need
Clothes now and then, take my Ao-
vice and duck. It's getting so thar one
can't Iron a BTlck out OIL d -IiIO"
without hitting at least three
The only ones that land are those that
sell their Immortal Souls to Corpora
lions, and they get roasted so hard
that they can't be elected anything ex-
cept United States Senators. The Lee
gal Profession is a Lottery IN when
there are 999 Blanks to every Prize
and the one who gets the Prize usual
" draws a case Of Nervous DYSPEPSIA
with it and has to live on Cereal Food.
If YOU desire safe and profitable En-
ployment, earn to be a Bank ROpJer,
but don't join the Starvation Brigade
The Professions are petering out. we
live in q Commercial Age. The Money
Makers of today are the wise Boys
who trade in and Manufac-
tured Staples"
Accordingly the Young Fellow put
in an Application with a large Whole
sale Concern. The High Guy called
him in and gave him a Talk
IF you are Strong and Willing, we
can start you at $3.50 per week Jug
CLING Boxes said the Manager. In
ten Years or so you will be moved up
into the bookkeeping Department
where you can get $50 a Month, just
Ike finding it. Before you decide upon
a Mercantile Career. I may as we'll
warn you that 80 per cent. Of those
who go into Business eventually blow
III LII AIiS III u pNA NSAAN"
mise with the Trust and get what they
can. The inexperienced Kid without
Capital who tries to get a
Lock on these alright Combinations
has about as much chance as a Chicken
at q Campaigning. If you wish to
sit on a High Stool so long that you
grow fast to it and then at the Wind
Up. get a Floral Pillow from your
FcilOw-EmpIoyees. come and join u
Happy Band. But If you are Foxy,
cut out the Mercantile Act and try
some Enterprise in which yOI Will
have a Show to pull out something for
yourself"
By this time the Assets had shriveI-
ed to about $3.50 and IL was up to the
ambitious STRIPPING to get on a FAY
Roll or else begin the systematic
Touch.
Journalism looked very good to him,
because it seemed to require neither
Experience nor Funds and he couId
mould Public Opinion without Joining
the Moulder's Union. An Old-Timer
in the Business steered him away.
Don't start into this Life" he said.
It's only a Treadmin and after your
Legs give out, you are dropped down
the Dark Chute Besides, your Cole
giate Training units you to help out
on the Comic Supplement. Another
thing, the longer you daily with Jour-
naIism the less you know about it. The
best way in which to direct a News
paper is To stay away from the Office
and write Letters to the Editor
The poor Youth had just about play
ed his whole String, when he happened
to hin of the Stage. He was a Good
LOCKER and Knew how to wear Clothes
n had made terrific Hits in Amateur
Productions. The hardened Manager
to whom he sent his Card handed him
a Cake of Ice weighing 500 Pounds.
THE Trouble with you is that you
have been attending the University IN
stead of working on a Spring Board,
so as to do the Double F1ip-FloDs,"
said the Rag-Time Impressario. "You