The Savannah morning news., 1903-04-12


name Gin'ral Miles wud like to wear
FIR UNIFORM. If had that name I'd
go to tn palace in a sheet an ixpict
tn guards to fall down on their faces.
But all tn time he was in Saint Peters,
burg, Charleymayne Tower suffered tn
gr-reatest torture on account iv tn
clothes he had on an tn clothes he
didn't have on. He had no unyform.
AT coort rayciptions he looked like
plain clothes man at a fancy ball. He
was enable to perform amy iV tn
gr-reat JootieS iV an ambaSSadure.
IVry Shtep was blocked be his misra-
BILE attire. He was double crossed be
tn lowliest iv diplomats who were en-
titled to put on glad, bright things
whin they wint to see tn Car. Wan
day he come rollin' up to tn palace
carryin' in tn tail iv his simple black
coat mos important threaty. He had
made nanny attimpts to have this
threaty signed by tn Gar, but tn
Car had always spurned him OWN to
tn Vaccinations iv Lord Ronald, tn
English embassadure, an Veecont
Boulbaze, tn Fr-rinch ambassadurc
Both these naughty ambassadures had
a window dhresser firm a gint's fur
nishin' store FIR a valley, an whin tn
American ambassadure stood alongside
iv thin, tell We he looked cheap.
But this day Charleymayne Tower
was prepared to brave tn Car in his
very throne. He rolled up in his car
redge an tn sintry cried: Who goes
there?' TIL ambassadure iv tn
United States iv America, huroor says
tn coachman. That mann says tn
sintry. To tn kitchen dure with ye,
waiter he says. Well tn ambassa-
dure stifled his rage an attimpted to
explain about himsilf an tn sintry
run him in. Yes, sir. he run in tn
ambassadure iv these United States
an they was JUS about to take his
phottygraft an sind him off in tn
Black Maria to Sibeerya whin a gran
jock come along an identified him an
they let him go. He hurrid to tn
throne room where Nicholas, Car iv
Rooshya, was settin' on his rifle throne,
an took his place in line. TIL am
bassadure iv England wore tn gorjous
UNIFORM iv his station; tn ambassa-
dure iv France jingled with medals;
tn ambassadure iv Chiny wore a
pink an green tea gown. Wan be
wan they was PRESENTED an the Gar
complimented thin on their clothes.
! Very tasty, Lord Ronald Hand
| some pants ye're wearin' this day
! Veecont.' Ling Ching, me wife, tn
| Czaretta, wants me to ask we tn name
iv ye'er dhressmaker.' But whin tn
ambassadure iv tn United States bent
his proud knee befure tn Car, tn
naughty monarch said with an evil
smile: Carson, bring tn check. Oh
lie whit on, pretindin' to JUS recognize
| Charlemayne Tower, I didn't know ye
at first. I thought We was tn waiter,
he says. Loud an long was tn laugh
ter provoked by this kingly sally. TIL
jest flew like wildfire through tn
crowd. Fair ladies smiled behind
priv ixyf 70 M
some spare ribs says tn Princess
Olgoinskia with a maddenin' smile.
What is tn title iv tn king iv yeer
country, Misther Tower drawled
Lord Ronald in his mos supercilyous
tones. is it head waiter?' he says.
'Mong doo,' said tn Veecont; Amer
lea, it is a large RESTRAINT, amt it?'
he says. TIL air was filled with cries
iv Waiter Here, YOU 'S-s-st.'
Boy, tn BILL Amt I niver goin'
to get that pie?' an so
on. Charleymayne Tower hurrid firm
tn room. While he was standin at
tn dure iv tn palace an lookin' down
with horror on his broadcloth panta-
looms, a gran jock came behind him,
tapped him on tn shoulder an said:
Call Grand Jock Oscaroffski's hack an
be quick about Of" Charleymayne
Tower cud hear no more. He leaped
firm tn scene iv his disaster an calm
drofsky, babe tn dhriver haste at
wanst to a tailor mans. There he
ordhered tn suit tell We about. Wan
week later a tall, magnificently attired
man sthrode into tn rifle chamber. 1t
was tn American ambasSadure. AS
he marched along buzz iv excitemint
ran acrost that splindid room. TIL
English ambassadure turned with an
oath an left tn rifle prisince. 'Maly-
diction,' says tn Veecont Boulbaze.
lie stuff is off, TIL gran duchess
Olgarina give a passionate cry an
tainted. TIL American ambassadure
sthrode on unmindful iv tn excitement.
TIL Gar who is a prudent husband,
stint his wife firm tn room. Thin
steppin' firm tn throne, he advanced
to meet tn representative iV a gr-reat
people. TIL ambassadure was pre-
parin' to kneel whin tn monarch said:
Nay, Charleymayne, kneel not to me
in thin pants on this fure. Rather
shud 1 kneel to thee, FIR niver since
king an taller jined together to rule
tn wurruld, has human legs been en-
cased in so happy pair iv boomers.
At last America takes it's thrue station
among tn nations iv tn earth That
night tn threaty was signed be which
tn Car agreed to sind three millyon
Rooshyan jews to this country be-
fure tn first iv May an Lord Ronald
hurled himself firm tn great Popala-
potcheff bridge into tn Neva afther
shootin' his tailor. Now they have
promoted Charleymayne Tower but his
unyform remains upon tn banks iv tn
frozen Neva an against it nayether
arrystocratic intrigue nor dispotic
whim will prevail.
Il think it's a good thing, Hinnissy.
It's goin' to save us a lot Nv throuble
in pickin' out diplomats. 1t will no
longer be nicisary to find some wan
who wudden't wurruk at home an
whose rilitives wud like to sind him out
iv tn country to uphold tn dignity
an honor iv our fair land abroad. All
we have to do is to get tn UNIFORM
an thrust amy kind iv a man into it.
TIL Prisidint has designated a pair
Nv olive green pantaloons an a ecroo
coat to be .ambassadure extraordinary
an minister plinipootinchry iv ,th'
United States at tn coort iv Saint
Jeems.' TIL Hon'rable Caliphas Sniv-
Wy has been promoted firm tn Hus-
sars Unyform at Lisbon to tn more
important suit at Madhrid.' TIL de-
mands iv tn United States govermint
on tn Impror in Chiny was PRESENTED
yisterdah be a bear skin cap, a blue
an silver coat an a pair iv yellow
pantaloons. TIL Impror was much i'm
prissed. TIN be grand. Whin tn
Prisidint wants to find an imissary fr
an important missyon, he'll call on