The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-03-15
BY r. P. DUNNE.

BY F. P. DUNNE.
 Copyright, 1Ss. by Robert Howard Rus
 sell.J
 T see," said Mir. Hennessy, "that Con- gress has knocked off wurruk'
 Tt has. said Mir. Cooley; "or. to speak more accurately. tn House iv Aiprisinti- lives has gone back to wurruk Tn, Shit is still there with its feet Up on tn desk an its vinrable nose burrid in its chest It's been er-reat session of Congress. It will live long in tn mfm'ry iv tn American people if they don't f'rget. lvry time 1 think iv t, 1t makes me proud I'm an almost native iv this coun- thry where tn meanest citizen can go to Wash'nton an get his rights but mo- body else can.
 What has 1t done, says ye? We'll, to begin with, 1t has smatshed tn thrusts well, almost smashed thim-well give thlm good hearty pat, annyhow. In tn beginnin' 1t looked as though on'y halfway measures -vud be adopted. They was unimportant bills to take tn money away firm tn thrusts, to burn thim in iie. to murdher thim, to lock thim up fir life. But tn leaders iv Congress demand ed more dhrastic measures Me frind Sin itor Aidrich. who riprtsints constit- ,ooency that's almost as big as my back yard, was determined that no pains shud be spared to bring tn 'thrusts to their knees in fear or gratichood. 'Gintle- men, says he with a chokin' voice, tn bills now up do not meet tn case. They are well enough in their way, but what is tn use iv attackin' tn thrusts at their sthrong point which is their money :? They have gr-reat knots iv this, as I have obsarved, havin' lived in tn house with thim, an tn best annywan can do Is to pick off little at time he says My idee is to attack thim at their weak est point. An what is their weak point. gfntlemen? It surely is their binivolence l propose to assail them there. do 1t with pain, fir, as ye know. howiver bru- tai me feelin to'rd thrusts may be as a pathrite as a citizen have raie af- lection fir wan iy thim. Tn bill I am goin' to offer in tn name iv me frind sinitor Elkins. who is poundin' his ear In tn cloak-roUm at this minyit, wrings me heart. It Is an assault on all that hold dear in life-an' don't expict to sell till it's a good deal dearer,' he says But he says, no wan iver knew Eras- mus Haitch Aldrich to fan to respond to tn call iv jooty howiver ad vaiorem, he says. My counthry calls me an lay aside ivry consideration an rush to tn 1T tooty as 1t ticks off tn figures on tn tape is iver in me ear.' he says I am here to belt tn thrusts, he says, 'an' here I am. I move ye, sir, that we sub stichoot f'r tn bill entitled a Bill to Mur- dher Thrusts, this here small but fra grant law entltde, "A Bill to Give Thim a Hearty Hug Undher tn terms iv this bill. 1t will be illegal fir a thrust to charge annywan fr Its produck more thin it can get, to pay back money to annywan. to divide its profits with tn poor, to burn down its buldins onless Insured, to advance wages. to build churches an orphan asylums. or to ere ate fund f'r tn missionaries in Chny If caught in amy iv these neefaryous intherprises amy officer iv a thrust will be lible to fine iv four miliyon dollars or imprisonmint in a loonytic asylum. or both. As seid. offer this bill with sad an achin' heart he says But have done me jooty an with that. I mus be contint. F'rgive tn tears iv a Spar tan Father-in-law an. boy. call up New York an get twinty-two, twinty Broad he says
 What else has Congress done, says ye?Well, tn House iv Riprisintitives has passed bil lirritatin tn arid plains iv tn West. an a bill to relieve tn Fill pinos iv tn necessity iv askin' fir re- lief It has passed tn chewin' tobacco tn flask, tn time iv day. tn buck an tn lie direct It has sung or Lang Syne.' an it's gone home. That's a good record fir tn House
 'Th' Shit with its thraditions grim with ago is still goin' on, Hinissy. Me frind