New-York tribune., 1903-02-23
NOTES OF THE CAPITAL.
TBy TELEGRAPH TO THE -RIBUNE.l

NOT FAT: JUST IARGE.-Mark Twain's IA
nous declaration that the announcement of his
death was an exasgeration finds echo in the IN
dignant rejoinder of Senator-elect Hepburn, of
sdaho the Western critics who have proclaimed
him fat. Deeply conscious of the injustice of this
charge and determined 70 appear before the public
in his light the successor of Senator Heitfeld
sisnalized arrival in the capital city by issuing
q tonnage statement.
Eastern papers" says the Senator. with
spiteful emphasis. accuse me of corpuency: some
even 40 so far as unblushingly proclaim my
sross tonnage as 81 PSunoS pSo ns Senator Hey-
agsersron "e,gn ~ P3I P0unoSs S,,t is expected to
add weight the Far Western delegation in The
Senate.
CHILDREN-s SPORTS PLEASE CHILDISH
NINDS.-when man conceives the notion Of con-
7racting Juvenile malady there seems TO be gen
ersl impression that his friends should add TO MS
misery with Veiled illusions TO his bad taste Ac-
cordingly. when Representative-elect Long~orth'
who Will succeed General Shattuc. on recent
visit to Boston developed genuine case Of chicken
1ox his friends took counsel and on his rrlFal
IN ihis city the other night he found waiting Cor
MIN a package. carefully wrapped and bearing
various directions to the eNpressmen 10 hanoe
with care" Opening the box he discovered a mon
key on a stick jack-in-the-box. a pig mat
soueaied when its sides were pressed. and. among
other things TOP and tin whistle. MT Long long
,Tas al a loss to understand the situation He
was about Is e having beeen @ sent to the wrong ad
dress when down in the bottom he found M 3s n05e '
cirnati friends, and read something like the fol-
':near Longworth; We heard with great regret
that YOU had been suffering with the chickenpoS-
measles and whooping cough will follow W. in ,ina fheiT
regular ordeT e We Sen9 you fTm of patients
sTerne from these disorders. We trust they will
will he forced TO spend indoors
WATER WATER EYERYWHERE.-The gov
e-ument departments teen with all kinds OF ht-
e,at1re but generally stated, there is plethora
Of prose and a paucity of poetry \ real poem
now and then really envens the official files. and
- the windows of the big department buildings
could rattle in rhythmic cadece the burden OF rou-
tine work on official shoulders would be lightened
To-day there drifted into the office of Colonel
Graham. the superintendent Of the mail equipment
bureau an official complaint in ballad form 1t
was the joint product of some of the mailbag re-
7,sir shor employees who don't like the complexion
and substantial character of Potomac River water
1hich the government furnishes TO alleviate tfeir
thirst This is the story that will remain on the
government files monument to its authors;
N- Graham just a moment kindly listen case
our request for filtered water that viii help the human
In the drinking real estate is going to
And T. Paj the plainly all palates hate
the taste
Mar are troubled by rheunatics-fey every
Others daily have the headache, wheels cogged by
This is only Feb-aary and Ne dread the month of May.
NOT LIKE THE PROPHET.-Governor Cum
rims of Iowa is having assorted experiences in
Washington The Governor. together with Mrs
Cummins Il enjoying few days rest in the city,
and incidentally getting acquainted with national
leaders Yesterday he went TO the Capitol. and
was being escorted around the building by Senator
Doiver. AS the entered elevator in the
Senate end of the building TO be transported away
from the Senate dining Representative
Gilbert N. Haugen. of ths IVth Iowa District,
entered the MIR. Haugon is burly individual
and rather brusque.
Hello. d)olliver.'' he calculated he stepped
into the elevator and sticking out his hand. con-
tinued. Have you heard that one Cummins is in
Do1iiger Don't you know the Governor, Haugen?
Governor Cunrains who was standing beside the
senator. extended his hand and for the first time
Se1tstiEe from the TVth District Of his own State
representative Haugen recollected that he had
b5npiiy reoeed u when hen the elevator dropped With
him the regions below after leaving the Senator
ard the Governor above
BECOME A COMMONER.-william Jennings
Tr,-an Of Nebraska was in Washington yester-
day. but few people knew of his presence. This
was not Mr. Bryan's fault. either. for he to
the Capitol. and even there on his old stamping
ground he recognized by only one or two
former colleagues With these he conversed freely.
There was, however, stampede 10 strike his
trail as has been the in times past when
the 16 to1 felt he honoring the national
aaI MN ms rnf s M ib BEan Gs on NOW seS
and sells that Having lost his value TO the
tor to enjoy all of the rights and privileges of
the strictly private citizen with no one TO tell his
troubles to but the policeman
4 BISHOPS PUNS-Secred. See? Bishop spald-
ing. member Of the Anthracite Coal Strike Com
mission. in session in this city. likes TO joke
and then and to make play on words oc-
casiunally 10 learcn the more serious moments
FIe talking with several Of the other members
the commission interim of the session, and
asked them what he thought ought TO be easy
question in view Of the developments in the strike
prevalent disease in Pennsylvania" ?" he asked.
Bubonic plague" answered one. playfuly- Vel
low fever" suggested another. facetiously- No;
Ks neither said the bishop you both wrong"
What is it them" he was asked Well he
variety. but its plain coal era
CONGRESSIONAL LIFE INSURANCE.-If the
precedent established which IS contained in six
paragraphs cf the General Deficiency Appropria-
ton bill reported to the House yesterday by Chair
man Cannon OF the Appropriations Committee, an
election Congress will hereafter mean life in
surarce to the amount of 5000 during the term
of Office Heretofore it has been the custom to pay
the widow of q dead Congressman equal
&c The salary he would have drawn had he served
hs term. This item has always been carried
in the General Deficiency bill, and the average
death rate of any Congress has been fifteen
The Just reported makes appropriations Of 5000
each 10 the widows Of the six Congressman who
have died since the adjournment Of the last
sion. These II c De Graffcnried, of Texas;
/ Sheppard of Texas: c. A. Russell. of Con-
DfrTjruT- r II Tongue of Oregon: J. N w Rum
gte. Iowa. and J. NJ Moody. of North Carolina
new feature Of the bill Under the old practice; so
Tuch Of the annual salary as had been drawn be
fore the death Of tho member would have been been
deducted from the amount appropriated Nlhe
members dicd in the first session OF the present
congress