The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-07-06
SPARKS


$3.50 OE ANhS @s4*
44zs&zx4x###s#z#zz##4=@+44=s
When wives go away for the hot spell.
To mountain or wood or sea.
Our pity goes out TO the husbands,
Who toll so increasingly.
But we should not grseve too greatly,
For at night the husbands prowl,
In strange, unusual places,
And make the old town howl
Just by way Of consolation the peo-
pie in the vicinity of Gainesville, Tex.
may say TO themselves that If there
had been no food there might have
been many disastrous fires on the
Fourth.
The open door in Manchuria" APP
pears to be almost as important as q
screen door in fly time.
It is apparent from reports sent out
that Russia is not anxious to welcome
back former residents who have be-
come citizens Of the United States
Russia cannot be blamed for not want
ing a class Of people foolish enough to
leave America for Russia.
If the census enumeratOrs would
only come here some holiday and get
their statistics from resort managers
we would have a town bigger than
Denver.
A Russian who didn't know how.
Tried TO drive a COW in a plow,
But the beast ran away
And he heard her say:
Now, you can't COW a Moscow COW
One merit of our Utah marriage and
divorce laws is that If people are dis
satisfied either with their single or
Tsae h.
changed with but slight trouble ana
small expense All this makes for the
greater happiness of the race.
The national capital seems deter
mined not to let a day pass with moth
ing doing in the way of scandal The
government departments failing to
supply anything hot for few days.
a little scandal is dug up in the city's
police department so as not to dis
appoint an interested public
The mayor Of Bountiful ordered all
the saloons in the city. two in num-
il order that no unseeminSly carvings
on should mar the great celebration
held there. 1t is reported that all pre-
vious Davis county bottle sale records
were broken that day.
Many people who board will regret
the arrest of the men said to have a
scheme to make bad coffee good.
Those transcontinental automobiles
must feel rather tough, after crossing
the mountains between here and San
Francisco. to find their progress
blocked here by a pieea Of paper.
1.-THE Lions Of the Lord" is not a
treatise on natural history
A man jumped off a Lagoon train
near Beck's Hot Springs the afternoon
| of the Fourth TO get his hat and has
not been sighted yet. The train was
coming in from the resort when the
mans hat was blown off. The man
promptly jumped off after it. The
/ train was stopped without delay and a
I thorough search made for the man,
! but up to this time he has not been
! found. Officials of the road admit they
/ did not look ahead Of the train for
/ him, and this may account for his dis
/ appearance. Unofficial reports are TO
/ the effect that the man got his hat
a~1 started to hot foot it for town,
/ v ting the train in by half a mile
! w hen confronted with this suggestion
/ a high official of the road said it was
rot impossible. He commended that the
speed of the train was so great thaE
/ the mans momentum, when he jumped
/ off, would be so great that he could
/ not stop running before he reached the
/ city, five miles distant. Others, now
] ever. take the position that the man
/ reasoned he did not have time to wait
( for the train and started on foot for
town, thus disappearing from view.
+ The unfortunate occurrence has caused
I the officials of the road much distress,
I beca use the man is entitled to a re-
! bate for the distance he did not ride
and, not having his name and address,
/ the road is unable to get the money
/ to him.
The German cruiser Gazelle delayed
/ its departure from Charleston a day
/ in order to help celebrate the Fourth
/ II anyone knows just what our friend
! Will HohenzOllern is driving at, we
/ would be glad to hear it.
] Old Missouri refuses to be forgotten
! They have just had a KILN there that
/ in every respect was as fine an event
as anything Kentucky has had this
/ year.