davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1903-08-10
MARK TWAIN GETS OFF
 BITS OF DROLL HUMOR

The woman screamed, grabbed her child and fled.
 Waving his hands in front of his face to ward off the dust MT. Clemens stood in front of the cleaners place and asked how much longer it would take to fix that hat up.
 Then he side-stepped over and stood in front of the cigar stand. He beld his new ground till a shirt-waist soft of young man wearing open work socks came along and exclaimed:
 Say. if you've got any cigars differ ent from what you're smoking yourself I'll buy some'
 The author said he couldn't sell to minors and the shirt-waist man disap- peared in the crowd.
 Mark Twain crossed the arcade and stood in front of the barber shop, buc only for a minute. A bald-headed man stopped in front of him and remarked:
 '1ll take dozen bottles if it will give me head of hair like yours. Hold on, though, is yours real?"
 Mark Twain didn't open his mouth or move so much as an eye-winker.
 Well, Pm damned.' said the bald headed man. Its the most perfect piece of wax figure work I ever saw. It beats the crowned heads of Europe in Twenty third street"
 Before halting again Mark Twain looked carefully at the signs in the ar- cade. He quickened his pace to get by the manicure parlors, ran by the book stall, lodged away from the soda foun- tain and finally stopped in front of the arcade entrance to a bank.
 T won't be disturbed here,' he nut tered. But he was. It was just about closing time for financial business and bank doors were being locked. A belat- ed and excited man with his hands full of checks and drafts rushed up and de- manded that he be let in.
 .Listen.' the author whispered hoarse- ly in the other mans ear. I've just sent the boy up for the jimmy and the dyna- mite and he'll be here most any min ute"
 The other man lodged out of the Broadway entrance to get to the front door of the bank and warn the president.
 Mark Twain got his hat then, stopped long enough at the Western Union booth to telegraph his pastor, the Rev. Joe Twichell, that that resolution about cussng was all off, and then boarded an uptown train.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1903-08-10
About Persons.

F. K. Perrow of Lynchburg, Va, is stopping at the Hillman.
 B E. Taylor of Anniston is registered at the Morris.
 F. E. St. John of cullman is at the Metropolitan.
 William M Austin of New York is stopping at the Hillman.
 Charles L. Parmele of Philadelphia is at the Morris.
 F. P. Ayers of Little Rock is stopping at the Metropolitan.
 S. A. waxman of Chicago is registered at the Hillman.
 S. B. Field of Baltimore is stopping at the Morris.
 B. c. Duncan of Dadeville is registered at the Metropolitan.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1903-08-10

CTS. The government and the Irish people can get along well together, when the alien landlord is taken out of the case. and John Redmond's phrase over the bill will be justified He declared it "a veritable truce of God"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1903-08-10

The Standard OH has secured con trol of southern fertilizer factories, but this does not mean that each man ager of factory must establish a Rockefeller Bible class.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1903-08-10

If MT, Rockefeller desires to benefit mankind let him donate the oil that will exterminate the mosquitoes. He might try his prentice hand on Mont gomery, and victory there would mean victory everywhere.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1903-08-10

The. gum ehewers have put sur plus of s776,ooO, after paying fat diyi- dends, in the treasury of the gum trust, That trust taxes all.
  Missouri has a chance to help all the states by making Prosecutor Folk governor. It would encourage the prosecution business.
  The price of cattle is going down, but the price of meat is going up. The bs--f trust catches profits a-coming and a-gwine.
 The mimic war game at Bar Harbor has real rival in the far east, where czar and mikado are watching each other
 Tolstoi predicts the decline of lib- erty In this country it is the trusts that are declining instead of liberty
  A liberal pope with a liberal secre- tary of state means much for the cause of liberty throughoue the world.
 
 While men are trying to extermi- nate the mosquito, the mosquito Is trying to exterminate it's tormentors.
 ---.@---- The letter that never came is the one directed to Mother Jones bearing the Oyster Bay postmark.
  Wall street may be trying to scare Uncle Joe Cannon out of his opposi- tion to an assets currency.
  Bar Harbor should be made to foot the war game bill, the whole affair be- ing for their benefit The breakfast food men do not care how high the price of beef goes-the higher the better.
  King Edward stood Pat in his re- cent Irish tour, and Pat reciprocated.
  The Cleveland propaganda in this state is but a mosquito bite.
 --s--- Kentucky condemns the toy pistol and buys the Winchester. The Russians do their lynching in wholesale lots.
 New bottoms is a new industry in Wall street
 The Langley buzzard does not buzz.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1903-08-10

Senator Aldrich is still trying to regulate the currency to suit the Rockefeller family, with which he formed an alliance by marriage.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1903-08-10

Minnesota is troubled with undigest- ed aliens instead of securities. It can burn the latter.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1903-08-10

Prof Langley will yet fly for the sake of disappointing the paragraph. ers' association.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1903-08-10

Prof Langley proposes to take his bumps by his own lone self
The Birmingham age-herald., 1903-08-10

Missouri has chance to help all the states by making Prosecutor Folk governor. It would encourage the prosecution business.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1903-08-10

Kentucky condemns the toy pistol and buys the Winchester.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1903-08-10

Bar Harbor should be made to foot the war game bill, the whole affair be- Ing for their benefit.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1903-08-10

The price of cattle is going down, but the price of meat is going up. The bs-.f trust catches profits a-coming and a-gwine.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1903-08-10

The breakfast food men do not care how high the price of beef goes-the higher the better.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1903-08-10

The letter that never came is the one directed to Mother Jones bearing the Oyster Bay postmark.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1903-08-10

Wall street may be trying to scare Uncle Joe Cannon out of his opposi- ton to an assets currency.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1903-08-10

The. gum ehewers have put a sur plus of s776,o00, after paying fat divi- dends, in the treasury of the gum trust. That trust taxes all.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1903-08-10

King Edward stood Pat in his re- cent Irish tour, and Pat reciprocated.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1903-08-10

The Cleveland propaganda in this state is but mosquito bite.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1903-08-10

The Russians do their lynching in wholesale lots.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1903-08-10

While men are trying to extermi- nate the mosquito, the mosquito Is trying to exterminate it's tormentors.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1903-08-10

The mimic war game at Bar Harbor has real rival in the far east, where czar and mikado are watching each other
The Birmingham age-herald., 1903-08-10

Tostoi predicts the decline of lib erty. In this country it is the trusts that are declining instead of liberty.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1903-08-10

A liberal pope with a liberal secre- tary of state means much for the cause of liberty throughoue the world.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1903-08-10

New bottoms is new industry in Wall street
The Birmingham age-herald., 1903-08-10
A FORMER PoPullsr.

The Langley buzzard does not bu
Arizona republican., 1903-12-16
Colombia Must Fight Fairly.

Colombia has sent Gen. Uribe Urioe on a mysterious mission to South America, presumably to enlist the na- tions of the southern continent against the United States.
 The news is of awful portept. and of course will not be lost upon the administration, which Is charged with the duty of preserving the independence of the United States. We cannot rsfrain from urging MT. Roosevelt to try arbi- tration before the rash actions of Col ombia makes 1t everlastingly too late. The president knows that the people of this country are not war-like, but he relies too much upon their ability to defend their country against the terrible Colom5ians. If arbitration is impossible, the administration could at least lay the facts before the powers of the world and have them see to 1t that Colombia fights fairly.
 We might survive the proclamations of Ortiz: we might after q death struggle of years. emerge from q con- fict with Colombia and other South American countries with some of our population still alive. But we insist that under the rules of civilized war fare Colombia has no right to employ Gen Urite- Uribe against us.
Arizona republican., 1903-12-16
Walter weIlman and the Pole.

Ar. Walter Wellman Is an Arctic explorer who has won some fame as a Washington newspaper correspond ent The other evening, at dinner of the Arctic club. at which Mir. Wellman was the guest of honor. his enthusia: m led him 10 say:
 From actual experience in the fell I have evolved plan which is certa' n of winning the trophy for the exp5di- ton which uses it. The plan embraces new principles and methods which will double the travelling effectiveness of a sledging party. With present meth- ods, a party can make it at an averag of ten miles per day: by my plan there ie no doubt at all that twenty miles a day can be made on an average Tha method l propose is simple and feasi- ble. and will mark as great an ad- vance in sledging as the electric ear marked over the horse car. An expedi- tion employing this plan is as sure to reach the north pole as a sailing sh' ? is to reach port on a long voyage"
 MT. Wellman may be right, but his adrniring countrymen will be excused for retaining a little skspticism. Some how. it has always been easier to find the north pole at a good dinner, at the champagne and cognac stage, than in the supposed habitat of the pole.
Arizona republican., 1903-12-16
The Los Angeles Newspapers.

According to reports, Mir .Hearsts g Los Angeles Examiner has made it's appearance amid considerable red fire. bur no copy of the paper has reached The Republican office. We can only infer from the following that the Los Angeles Times has not been partic- ularly or favorably impressed by the birth of the new paper:
 Tt is one thing to kick up dust for a brief season and raise Ned for a day. but truth goes right along, day in and day out, and the right will pre- vail against peace disturbers,z malcon tents, yellow journalists and other cat tie of that ilk, no matter how blatant the footing of the bazoos nor how big the Falstaffian army of buffers and braggarts. Los Angeles isn't going to be revolutionized by anybody"
 All of which is hereby respectfully referred to Mir Hearst for his consider alton and reply.
Arizona republican., 1903-12-16
The Failure of an Experiment.

Not many months ago comment was caused throughout the country by the decision of one of the telegraph com panies to employ girl messengers in some of the cities where there had been trouble in employment of boys
 Most of this comment was in a favor able tone. The experiment was gen. erally looked upon as an innovation which opened another congenial field of work for girls. and 1t was freely predicted that the telegraph compan- les would receive more faithful ser vice from girl messengers, who. 1t was pointed out. would be free from tho vices which beset many messenger boys in the cities. That is, the girls would not smoke cigarettes. would not loaf on the street when on duty. and would not delay the delivery of import ant messages while they played craps
Arizona republican., 1903-12-16
AN oPTIMIsT OF EIGHTY.

The Rev. Robert Coltyer. celebrating his eightieth year of continuous good health, attributes his excellent condi- ton to normal living-'to eating what l want and not eating what I do not want" This is the rational philosophy of the diet as it proves itself in the case of man physically able to carry it into practice. The reason why all rnen are not so able is a story in many chapters.
 Of more general application is DU Collyer's optimism, which years can not diminish nor contemporary gloom ing" destroy.
 T have no patience with the tall; that the world is growing worse. won't discuss it. It is growing better all the time" Such is the venerable preachers doctrine of good cheer. II is a wise gospel to preach. Better point ten thousand toward the good they emulate than confirm one persons conviction of a hopeless decadence- New York World.
Arizona republican., 1903-12-16
TO CURE A GOLD IN ONE DAY.

Take Laxative Promo Quinine Tablets. All druggists refund the money if It fails to cure. E. w. Groves signature is on each box. 25c.
Arizona republican., 1903-12-16

in yesterdays Republican. handed down a decision which practically sets free all the men heretofore convicted or indicted by MT Folk.
 There is no assumption or pretense. even. that any of these men are inno- cent. They are relieved of all danger of punishment solely on technical grounds. As\explained in the dispatch. the court holds that an information is- sued by the circuit attorney must be sworn to by the prosecuting witness es in the case, and that the circuit attor- ney could only swear to the informa- ton from personal knowledge of the facts" In Missouri, it should be un- derstood, the "information" is the dcc- ument embodying the charges upon which the accused is tried, and serves the same purpose as an indictment.
 So it gees for nothing that thesa boodlers are guilty. but it goes for ev- erything that MT. Folk instead of somebody else swore to the truth of the informations. And, without ques- ton, it goes for great deal in the minds of Missourfs supreme judges and in the minds of the other demo- craeic leaders in that state, that this omnibus decision of Monday comes just in time to save the criminals from all further bother by Mir. Folk--the statute of limitations expired in their favor last month.
 And, probably, the next time there is q lynchinC in Missouri, the amiable justices of the supreme court of that state will wonder why the people do not have r.ore respect for the courts" !"
Arizona republican., 1903-12-16
THE OFFENSIVE ENCORE HABIT

There is a particular practice in places of amusement which is grating on the nerves of many of these whC are still habitues of such places and tend strongly toward driving them off with certain others who were once regular attendants at theaters and sim liar places, but are no lcnger such
 This is the practice of demanding repetitions, often many times over, of things that happen to please the noisy few in audiences, or those who. for any reason, are interested in the success of the individual performer.
 It is not practice Of very long standing, and seems to have been vii ciously stimulated Tn recent years by the cunning of the singers of so-called topical songs" Fer them it is con stantly driven to the point O. tire someness, til the sensible auditor is tempted to vow he or she will never again go where the generally silly topical song is thus thrust on the ear.
 The practice has found it's way into the concert room, till the noisy audi tors now regularly insist on $3 worth fer $1. It amounts, in this manifesto tion, to gross injustice to conscientious performers It is not long since it badgered a distinguished vocalist who sang here into singing until her veice went beyond control from sheer fla tigue.
 Unjust, pure ho'd-up in effect. for the capable, conscientious artist, it amounts, as applied to other perform CTS, tc a gross imposition on the larg- CT nun1her. Of alditorS
 The auditor who pays a certain price
Arizona republican., 1903-12-16

or marbles in the alleys and would not frequent vile places.
 It has not taken long, however. to
 prove that both the telegraph com
 pany and the public were sadly mis- taken as to the propriety of employing
 girls as messengers. It is true that
 the work of the girls has been more satisfactory as a general thing, than
 was the work of the boys, and at first for the very req sons above stated. But the re- suits as to the girls themselves have
 been most dep,Crable. At Kansas City the juvenile court has been compelled to take notice of the demoralizing ef- fleets of the work. The average age of the girls is Hand it is found that these children have had to carry messages into all sorts of places. the very ex- lstence of which is not suspected hy most children of their age Going around town alone. into all kinds of offices and business places is attended
 by many dangers. and these dangers are multiplied beyond computation when other parts of a city are consider
 ed. The numerous cases in which girls have been demoralized through evil associations in Kanhas City have aroused the people of that place to the social wrong involved. Too late it is perceived that it is a sinful mistake to permit innocent little girls to carry messages into disreputable wards, foul localities and questionable resorts. Several of the children have been be- fore the juvenile court for offenses committed and it has been shown that these offenses grew out of the vicious environment into which these little messengers were thrown Dy their work.
 It Is to be expected that the outcry against the evil of employing girls for messenger service will put a stop to their employment, for the telegraph company had no thought of wrong. any more than had the public when the innovation was decided upon.
 And the fact that the public will be satisfied with the cessation of the em
 ployment of girls marks the curious state Of mind which governs this ques- tion. The little messenger girls having been protected from further tempta- ton, it will be considered that the whole business has been settled in Il manner most satisfactory to the moral instincts of the community. Entirely as q matter of course it is thought that messenger service is the ideal employ ment fer young boys who have to work. But it does seem illogical to take IT for granted that no harm can come to boys from the evil associations int'' which their duties as messengers carry them Considered in the proper light boys of the age which most calls for protecting care are entitled to a show for their lives"-and their morals quite as much as girls.
Arizona republican., 1903-12-16
BARRELS AND TANKS.
BUSINESS COLLEGES.

los Angeles Cooperage Co Tanks, bar rels and kegs. Write for prices.
Arizona republican., 1903-12-16

CURRENT COMMENT
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CAPITAL PUNISHMENT.

A murderer was shot to death leg7l- ly in Utah the other day; almost at the same time in Wyoming, another was hanged Hanging and shooting ara two Of the methods us2d in civilized states in inhicting capital punishment. the old Mosaic law of life for life"
 In this state Ind in one or two other states now. a condemned murderer i5 shocked to death by electricity; in Ger many he is beheaded by a sword in the hands of the executor. and in France the guillotine of evil fame is used to decap!tate criminals condemn ed to death. Probably the electrocu- tiCn CT electrocision-the putting of a murderer to death by electricity-as pra cticed in this state. is the least ob- jectionable method of inficting capi- tai punishment It is the only civil lized form that is spreading. France and its colonies are alone in using the guillotine, and only the Teutcnlc and Slavic countries use the sword. Shoot ing. except in Utah, where a murderer may choose between being hanged and shot, is military and naval meth cd.
 The ax and block have disappeared; :; the last person beheaded by their means in England was Simon Lcrd Lovat the famous or infamous adher- ent of the Young Pretender, who paid the penalty Of his crimes and loyalty in 1746, century and a half ago. So- ciety is growing milder every way; the choice allowed to murderers in Utah shows this, and does yet more clearly the extension O. the use of electricity as a method of inficting capital punishment.-New York Mali and Express.
Arizona republican., 1903-12-16
The Distinguished Supreme Court of
 Missouri,

The supreme court of the state of Missouri has again distinguished itself bOodl2rs. Although burdened with other work. that august tribunal has managed to release criminals about as rapidly as Prosecutor Folk could con- vict them. Last week, when Ed"
 Butler, the notorious democratic boss of St. Louis. was whitewashed and set at liberty by the court it was suppos- ed that the limit had been reached. But these who held to this suppozition did not know the supreme court of Missouri. Growing tired. evidently. of turning the criminals loose one at a time, the court on Monday, as re ated
Arizona republican., 1903-12-16

fer a specified list of numbers on programme has no shadow of right to ask for anything more. The encore is either in nature of getting something for nothing. CT 1t is as was first un- derstood to be and should be, only complimentary expression Of apprecia- tion.
 In this view i, is enough if 1t is courteously acknowledged. The encore fiend is always an unmitigated nuis- ance.-Chicago Chronicle.
Arizona republican., 1903-12-16

Yesterday was the seventeenth we'd ding anniversary of President and Mrs. Roosevelt. but they have Lad only five children. There are many things it Is easier to preach than to practica.- Atchison Glote
Arizona republican., 1903-12-16

An Atchison man has found out why Sunday is no longer q day of rest to him: He takes Sunday paper and tries 10 look it through in order that he may not miss any thing.-Atchison Glohe.
Arizona republican., 1903-12-16
BOOTS AND SHOES.
REGAL SHOES by Mail.

S2.75 per pair, express prepaid. 150 styles for MEN AND WOMEN. IA sizes and widths. one price. g stores. Tannery to consumer. Catalog and self measure ment blanks or postal request. Los An geles store 22z W. Third St, near Broad way. A. s. Vandegrift, Manager
The Minneapolis journal., 1903-03-27
WITHDRAWAL OF LANDS
Tentative Plan Of Chief Pinchot to
Expedite Opening Of Mime
!. p. sofa Tracts. :...

From The Journal Bureau, Room IS, Post Build
ing, Washington 5S - -,
Washington, D. C., March 27.-1n orde,
TO expedite settlement of questions
which have arisen in connection with the
administration of the Morris timber act
and in order that there may be no delay
In selling timber and opening the agri-
cultural lands because of the failure to
set aside forested area, Clifford Pinchot
chief of the forestry bureau Of the agri-
cultural department, has sent Land Com :
missioner Richards a tentative plan fol
the withdrawal of such lands as may be
necessary to carry out the provisions fol
forestry in that act. ,.~.. -, -.
~ He proposes that certain designated
areas be withdrawn from sale and entry
for the formation Of the Winnibigashish
forest reserve, approximating 100, 900 acres
of pine land and about 10000 acres of
agricultural land. the withdrawal to be
temporary only and definite boundaries
to be settled when it is determined just
how much of the land will be overf1oyed
when the Winnibigashish dam is COM
pleted and a fowage line established.
If the 1owage line takes in more land
than has been indicated by the prelim
mary surveys he is to be allowed to make
up what might be called losses from other
pine lands on the reservation.
AS to the agricultural lands which Mr.
Pinchot will include in his selections, he
suggests that he be allowed to select
other lands for such portion of them as
may be allotted to the Indians. Commits
sioner Richards will make a report to the
secretary on the proposition in a week
or ten days.
w. w. Jermane.