The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1903-03-30
.Shylock Homes: His Posthuraouls
Y Mnranirc
Memoirs.
By John Kendrick Bangs.
Copyright. 1908, by John Kendrick Bangs.

-VllI.-Mr. Homes Acts Attorney for
Solomon.
There was. considerable excitement in
Cimmeria over the threatened disruption
of the Stygian Historical Society. Like
most other historical societies, this or
ganization derived it's membership from
the most select social circles and when,
one of the meetings of the irreproachables
of the community broke up in a fierce
fight, such as one might expect to witness
in the saloon Of "a sailors lodging house,
a. veritable brawl, the whole public was
scandalzed. It would have been no more
startling had the. courtly Chesterfield, and
the polished Duke of Buckingham, be-
cause of some slight disagreement, taken
to peltlng each other with petit fours and
sandwiches at one Of Madame Recamier's
delightful afternoons and indeed stirred
the society of Hades more deeply than it
had been since the elopment Of Romeo
with Ophelia. some three years before.
The papers were full of, it, and for a good
deal more than the proverbial nine days
wonder it was the chief topic of CONVEX
sation at the clubs, cafes and private
gatherings. The trouble grew out of the
Columbus Vespucci controversy as to
who discovered America. The society
was about equally divided between the
partisans Of the two with a small hand
full, constituting the practical balance of
power between them, of believers in the
pretensions OF Left Ericsson, and at the
annual meeting the issue constituted the
lineN between the platforms, upon which
candidates for offices stood. No one sup
posed that feeling would run SO high as
to provoke aggressive acts of hostility,
until the partisans of Columbus withdrew
their candidate against the leader of the
Vespucciites, and substituted Captain
Kidd in his place, giving as a reason for
so doing that even Kidd's claims for the
honor were greater than those of Vespuc-
CT. The insult was too deadly to be over
looked, and Vespucci himself, in his wrath
heaved an atlas at the head of Columbus,
who retorted with an ink -stand, which
with wonderful accuracy of aim, struck
the Italian squarely in the middle. The
scene that followed was as disgra ceful
as it was painful.
1t was two weeks after the affair, when
my Office boy brought a card into my
private office, upon which was engraved
the single word Solomon
Solomon, eh?'' said I, glancing at the
card. That's singularly inconclusive.
Solomon who? Isaacs, Jones, John or
what?''
II dunno, said the boy. Hes tall
old guy with long white beard. and gilt
clothes, and solid gold hat on
"Oho!'' I cried. Show him in, my
boy" for I recognized at once, by the
description that my visitor was the
his proverbs and for his wisdom
| The regal parsonage was soon after ush-
| cred into my presence and I received him
with all the ceremony due to one of his
| exalted position, all of which he waved
aside, however, and insisted upon being
| treated as d plain, ordinary citizen.
We have no rank here, Mr.. Homes
| he said, as he sat down alongside of my
| 1@r, II11 ~, II 11y-1 oil hi
and at this particular juncture, it is
who must bow to you, rather than you
| to me- -
'I have been one of your stanch admir-
ers. always, your majesty" said I.
| MOT your majesty, he gently pro-
tested. "Just Solomon
| ''Ah. but could call you by first
name" said T. 1T would be too great
| a familiarity E>..-
: 1T is my whole name said he
| Therefore, why not call me by it?
am not a modern, but, an ancient, Mr.
4 Homes, and we were content, in my time
| with single simple designation. I sup.
pose if I had lived in your time. should
I have, preferred to have been known as
| Ralph Waldo Solomon, or John Russell
| Solomon, or Peter Finlay Solomon, o.
\ Richard Harding Solomon, or A. Conan
Solomon, but you see wasn't brought III
that way. Plain Solomon, without any
| three-ply distinction, has always beer
good enough for me. Indeed. found Il
hard enough to make one name without
| venturing upon three
II shall call you as you wisl-er-Solo
mon,'' said l. finding it difficult, even will
his permission. to so address him fluently
! t"To what do owe the very distinguished
honor of this call?''
81 want you to help me out of a yer.
difficult position" he answered. "Yol
have perhaps discovered, Mr.. Homes tina
there has recently been a slight difference
Of opinion among the members Of the Sly
gian Historical Society," ~.
lover the discovery of America % que
ried. :.... .-.
"Precisely,' Solomon replied. "Ove
the discovery of America. The troubl
1 that discovery has brought upon us peopl
Of the old world is such that I sometime
wish it hadn't been discovered at all.
assure you that am personally glad tina
it was utterly unknown in my day. for
am sure don't Know what should hav
done about the Monroe doctrine if I'd l,a,
to buck up against it as my present pro
itotype, William of Germany. has had t.
do. and, wise as am ereputed to be,
i should be perplexed to know how to dea
I with the trusts" 20
1 you handled the trust question al
/ right said I. p -,
OPP he demanded. Is.
F''We11, yes. in a way said 1. LAS ia
as getting married was concerned. I've al
ways thought you were sort of ma tri
monial monopolist, and you carried it OF
/ rather. WE'LL .-%l ...~ -.
/ "Oh. that!" laughed Solomon. per
/ haps you are right. Mr.. Homes. I was
sort Of captain of industry in the matri
monial line. but wasn't thinking of tina
! precise point when spoke of the trusts
), and. indeed, l haven't come here to discus
trusts or other outward and visible sign
of aggressive Americanism. It's the pres
3 ent plight of the Historical Society that
4 have in mind. We are all very niue
4 ashamed Of ourselves over the unfortunat
affair of two weeks ago, and we want t
! do the right thing. Both factions fav
got together, and have agreed to arbitrat
the question Of the discovery of America
Columbus says he doesn't care a continef
tai who did it. and Vespucci says tina
and they are all willing to play Left Eric
and they are all willing to play Left Erich
son for a place. so long as the Historics
Society can be rehabilitatcd. There's
t to get together they have consented I
3 abide by the decision of the arbitrator"
:. II see. !" said I. And who is he to be?
i, Myself. said Solomon. with a sigl
They've left the ,whole-er-the whole
. / could see that he wanted to be pre-
= fame. and say-"darn business, but wa
+ tactful enough to relieve him.
: "The whole question" suggested.
e ''Yes-the whole--er--questioE to N,
: and L don't know the first thing about !