Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1903-08-22

Already the law has condemned it,
unkissed old maids have scoffed at
it and secretly wished they had it,
scientists and psychologists have
execrated it, ministers have de-
nounced it from the pulpit and irate
mothers have chased it off the
front porch with the broom and
teakettle- but still it haunts the
shaded lanes and leafy bowers and
back parlors of the land and
awakens the midnight echoes with a
noise like the sad-eyed bovine pulling
her foot from the mud or the in
fantile porker extracting it's ma
tutinal nourishment from the
tactical continuance Of the maternal
bosom.
Kissing is old as the hills and not
all your learned disquisitions on
microbes will convince the world
of it's baneful effect SO long as
youth survives and grows fat On it..
Talk about kissing being unsanitary?
Why Helen of Troy-or some other
heroine-kissed an entire army on
the eve of battle and sometimes
on the mouth and lived to ripe
old age, while the men she kissed
swiped the enemy into eternity
The Duchess of Devonshire bought
votes with kisses and the members
of the original Gordon Highlanders'
regiment-which the Dutch smashed
in Africa-were recruited by a
Duchess of Gordon who offered a
kiss to men who would not take the
kings shilling. Because shoat of
a student tries to kiss his sweet
heart thousand times an hour for
ten hours and is paralyzed before
he gets half through, or because
some fellows lip slips and drags
him into court for kissing widow
on the nose is no sign you should
throw away the whole cheese. 1t
would be all right to hang a cuss
so awkward as to kiss lady on
the nose but it ought not to be
charged up against the ancient and
honorable pastime of slipping the
nectar from the lips Of ones friends.
Why have seen young ladies in
soft raiment and bleached hair and
complexion powder kiss a poodle
dog with great rapture and rose
bud mouth but I never thought
kissing should be abolished because
like all other good things-it is
abused. I never cared to kiss a
poodle dog myself and have always
refused to kiss young ladies who
did SO. This may seem cold and
cruel in me but can't help it. A
poodle dog is SO shaggy you can
never tell which corner it's face is
on when it stands still and for that
reason I have always been afraid
to try to kiss one. Mistakes will
happen.
1t is said that Robert Burns fam
GUS song Comm Thro' the Rye"
did no refer to a ryefeld, but to a
small river Rye in Ayrshire which
could not be forded In wading
+, through it the lassies held up their
skirts and Burns and his mischiev-
Gus pals used to lie in wait till they
we're in midstream and then wade
out and kiss the poor things while
they couldn't let go Of their skirts to
resist. If this be true it was very
wrong of Robert and yet-who
can blame him? There isn't a man
of artistic taste alive, be he saint or
sinner, who isn't tempted to bite a
pretty pair Of feminine lips
one who could tell for the life of
him why he wants to. Man alone
OF all animals is guilty Of this
frivolity- and he hasn't solitary
logical reason for doing it,, He
might linger over a pretty mouth
| till dOOmSday and his lingering
would saw no wood, hoe no potatoes,
single no barns, NOW no lawns,
nor answer any other utilitarian
purpose unless it were to remove
paint and yet-youth enjoys it and
old age looks back with pleasure
over life's thorny pathway to where
some one particular pressure Of the
lips stands out like an oasis in the
desert or looms up against the
dark background like the solitary
tooth of time. But man-thOugh
he goes about seeking whom he can
bite-is not alone to blame, for I
have it on reliable authority my
grandmother told me that the
feminine race is not averse to being
kissed so long as it is done IN
quiet, orderly and artistic manner