Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1903-09-05

She-What are you thinking of.
dear? He-The dearest person on
earth. She-You conceited old thing.
The Household Ledger.
Held like to meet Miss Bond. She
Why? 81 hear she has thirty thou
sand year and no incumbrance." "Is
she looking for one?"-Life.
II told papa your poems were the
children of your brain" What did he
sayT Said they We're bad enough TO
be put in the reform school"
That" said Willie, as he launched
n heavy volume at his little brothers
head. lis the coming book. It's bound
to make a hit."-Columbia Jester.
The Anxious Mother-Are you sure
my son has appendicitis? The Emf
nent Specialist-We can tell you bet
ter, madam. after the operation.
Life.
Pat-How does yez loike Goldfish
balls? Mike-Faith. an | niver tend
ed one; but it's big tonnes I've had
down at the tireman's hop. Lippln-
colts
Lord Littlecash dovingly) You are
my soul Edith-Yes told papa that
ION, what did he sayy' said You
didn't earn enough to keep your soul
and body together. Judge.
Patience Before he married her he
couldn't do too much for her, but now
he wouldn't lift his hand to help her.
Patrice-Well, you know she says she
has made another man OF him!
Running an auto must be exciting"
said the friend. 1T Is" said the own.
err. Every time you stop you wonder
If the machine will start again when
you are ready. - Brooklyn Life.
Amelia-You don't seem interested
in summer schools. Emily Summer
schools! oh, gracious, in hot weather
ii is all can do to hold on to the lit
tie already know.-Detroit Free
Press,
Father, when | graduate am go-
Ing to follow my literary bent and
write for money" "Humph! My son,
you ought to be successful. That's all
you did the four years you spent ut
college"
Ethel saw sister sitting on your
lap last night and told mother Young
| Man What in the world did you do
that for? Ethel-She told me to let
her know when there was any good
news. Life.
"Ah,' she signed, 1.-THE great men o.e
all deadF But the beautiful women
are not, lie answered Then she look
ed up into his eyes ana told him sho
had said 1t just TO be contrary and not
because she thought it for moment.
When some cavalrymen were going
through riding drlll one of the mems
horses boltcd with him ana was max
ing his way towards the stables when
an officer met him. where arc Won
goingY inquired the officer. II don't
know, sir, shouted the cayalryman,
as he flew past. Ask the horse!"
Young man. said the stern parent
10 the applicant for a job az son In.
law. II want you to know that spent
five thousand dollars ON my dnugh-
ter's education" Thanks" rejoined
the youth who was trying to break
Into the family circle; then / won't
have to send her to school again.
Chicago Daily News.
While Arthur was spending n week
at his aunts he CHANGED one day TO
place his elbows on the table during
dinner. My dear boy" said his aunt.
don't you know that children of tho
first families must never put their 81.
bows on the tablef" "Oh. well" said
Arthur, that doesn't hit me for NV
fathers been married twice, and be-
long to the second family"
Officer, to new servant Murphy
have left my mess boots out this morn.
ing. l want them solcd Private MUIR
hy-Very good sir officer later IA
the day-Did you take those boots,
Murphy? Private Murphy, feeling In
his pocket and putting on the table
eighteenpence-Ye Yes, sir; and that's all
could get for thin. The corporal
who bought thin said ne would have
given two shllins II 1t had been pay
day.
Vanity: Mr. Potts Ito his wife)-My
dear, the air Is chilly. Fermez Ia
fenetre. The visitor (sotto voce)-Why
do you ask your wife in French to shut
the window? Mr. Potts (ditto)-Be-
cause you are here. If | asked her In
English she wouldn't do it, as she
won't take instructions from me be-
fore visitors But If / say it in French
she gets up and does it at once, so az
to let you gee that she understands the
language. Pick MeUp.
In Earnest Them have noticed"
said the off hand philosopher that 4
woman will get golf-dress when she
has no Intention TO play golf" That's
so" agreed the man with the mean
descent whiskers And" continued
the of hand philosopher, she viii get
80