The Birmingham age-herald., 1903-11-16
Eli Perkins at Worlds Fair

BY RoBERTUS LOVE.

Eli Perkins has just completed tour of the Worlds fair grounds in St. Louis. l had the pleasure of acting as pilot Tor the humorist. He rode through the grounds in a carryall, and after brief survey of the main features of the exposi- tion as now visible to the naked eye he drew in a long breath and let it out slowly in a semi-whistle. and remarked: My. but it's big! It's the biggest thing l ever heard of except one thing"
 And what was that?" he was asked.
 "That?' replied Eli Perkins," was lie a man once told me That lie was the only thing I ever heard of that was big ger than this Worlds Fair I never ex- pected in this world to hear of anything half so big as that lie was, but l must admit that this exposition is running that vast prevarication a close race; and the best thing about the matter is that this Worlds Fair is the pure truth. I've heard much about 1t since St. Louis peo- pie began to build it. but 1 couldn't be- lieve all that was told me as to its mag nitude and magnifcence Now I have seen Witn lily DWH eyes, anu CdH Itlp Dul believe. You know a man can believe all most anything if he sees it with his own eyes"
 But you haven't told what that big lie was, MT. Landon,' l said.
 "I can't" replied Melville De Lancey Landon, otherwiseEli. That lie, sir, was so big that it would take at least two full-grown men and twelve-year- old boy to tell it"
 
 The humorist then took occasion to ex- plain the origin of the story which credit ed him with being a bigger liar than Mark Twain. He said that the late Gen. Ben Butler was the author of that ghast- ly joke. Butler and Eli Perkins were at a banquet. Butler was speaking. He mentioned the art of lying.
 "I happen to know the three biggest liars in the world' said Ben Butler.
 ''Who are they General?' asked the toastmaster.
 Mark Twain Is one" said Gen. Butler, and Eli Perkins is the other two"
 "1f Ben Butler,' said Eli, as he gazed at the splendid picture of towers and facades and lagoon basins and statuary, If Ben Butler could come back 10 earth and see this mighty Worlds Fair l think he might say that he had seen the three biggest expositions that ever were, and that the Louisiana Purchase Exposition is all of them.
 II have seen about all the expositions that have been held in my time, including those of London, Paris and Chicago and l must say-that is, l am going to say, though l am not compelled to say 1t, 1 suppose-that not one of them was in the reckoning with this one. This exposition, In it's present stage of building, knocks out every other one so far as complete ness and finality go and as it Is bound to be the largest fair for many years the whole world will be here to see it, or else great opportunity will be lost"
 MT. Landon boarded the carryall at the Administration building and was driven south to the Palace of Agriculture The road led east of the building. which is the largest on the grounds. As the vehicle approached the humorist wanted to know If the ivory-white of the exterior was put on with whitewash or oil paint Being told that 1t was high grade of oil he remarked that he thought all the oil paintings were to be placed in the Palace of Fine Arts
 What is that building away off wonder about half a mile?" asked Mir Perkins, seeing some white staff walls showing through the trees
 That is some more of the Agriculture building" he was told.
 How many miles long is this house?'' asked Perkins. 'Is all of 1t in Missouri. or do a few miles of 1t lap over into Ar kansas? Do they sell sleeping car tickets on the railroads that run from one end of 1t to the other?'
 It was difficult to convince MT. Perkins that Agriculture building is only 1900 feet long and 800 feet wide. The route of the | vehicle stretched all around the building
 distance of more than a mile and whil, fla eel all eli af hn l., 1 structure the Filipino reservation wa. pointed out to the humorist, On a hil | slope beyond the Palace of Agriculture many carpenters and excavators were al work, over an area of nearly forty acres erecting all sorts of queer-looking wooder buildings. Some of the Filipino carpenters were helping the American workmen ir building the walled city of Manila. the Filipino dwellings and market. and the streets and stores of the town where the thousand or more of Fiipinos will live during the fair.
 Perkins remarked that Filipinos origi- nally must have been Japanese or China men. and then he told how once, when | travelling in Japan, he hired a jinrlkisha man to haul him long distance He trotted along with me fully twenty | miles" said Perkins, and l supposed | that the price he would ask me to pay l Tor the service would leave me stranger 1 In strange land without a coin. What do you suppose that Jap charged me Ten cents. Why. in this country they will charge you fifty cents to move your trunk | across the hall. By all means the expo- sition should try to get some jinrikisha l men to come to the fair and ply their calling. But it is not likely that this can be done. The Japs will have a great exhibit here, doubtless, and they don't want to send over any of their lower class people, like the 'rikisha men; they want to show us only their best" The buildings to be devoted to horticul- ture. to forestry. fish and game. the Ca nadian building, the national structures | of Mexico, France, Great Britain and