The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1903-12-12
PRIVATE JIMMY


days than could be put one volume of
history, my intelletc is sure crippled an
I've lost both of my crutches.' began Pri-
vate Jimmy, of the Sixteenth United Sta
ties Infantry, as with the Constitution s
war correspondent of peace they stood
and watched the workrnen engaged on
the building of the new officers quarters
al Fort Mcpherson.
Every tie / pick up a newspaper I get
as nervous as woman with sick head
ache. THE Sixteenth may go to Colon
bia.'' il says. The situation is threaten
ing in San Domingo it says 1T is rum
ored that the Japs have broken away
Russia is highly d:spIeased," il reads.
An by Judas, l wish / was in that fight
with pretty geisha girl to go home 20
when it was over VINO wouldn't cry an
take on about kndin' the wrong Ietterss
in her pocket, but wouold smile. an look
pleasant an say Il loave yoou ver' much.
Meester Chimmee.'' just as my little Che
Che San used to do
The eastern situation remains I'M
changed says the newspaper on the
front page where the printer sticks il in
every Tuesday an Fridap regular Say,
If a man didn't change his uniform any
oftner than the eastern situation does, ne
wooud get arrested. The Moros are max
ing trouble near Jolo an four American
soldiers an a drunken corporal have put
three thousand Of the bloody insurgents
to rout," it says. An all the time the
only real ightin' that's goin' on is in
Chicago, where the strikers have been
10 81,
lice an his sergeants while they was
playini' seven-up on South Clark street.
An j see the coppers hav punished them
severely, as they should have done. What
with the people objectin' to the interfer
ence of the police an the state militia,
there's gettin' to be no respect for the
law whatever. Our fightin president is
SO busy scatterin' peace tracts round
South America that he hasn't got the
time to see to 1t as I have, but he'll wake
up some mornin' hatin himse.- with the
babies all squaliin' an then the news
papers II say it is more than likely that
the Sixteenth will be ordered to Wash
ington TO keep peace in the White House.
An are the soldiers gettin'- killed in
all this fghtin' that's goin' onZ Not on
purpose. This kind of fight.n' Amt none
OF their affair. 1t belongs to the porters
anr reporters. The reporters are leadin'
their columns braVely on regardless Of
danger. But the columns are damn-bad
.formtion. Do they depioy in regular col
umns. of fours? They do not Just as
pou get to the thrillin' part of the story
that tells how the brave souldiers were
ready to fight at any minute, just as they
have been for years on end. the news
paper says: Continued on the 127th page
of the eleventh editionrsaotnmoshrd
of the 11tic section an YOU find that that
was the section pou sent your clothes to
the wash in.
''Oh. it's full of privation an danger is
the life of-the reporter these days. Every
day I'm expectin' TO see you sent as war
correspondent to College Park to report
the bitter fight that is bein' waged
q gainst poverty, the balliffs an the
money sharks. But you've robbed US
soldiers of our chance for glory an ac-
tive service pay When the fghtin' be-
gins it amt official til the reporters get
there. SO one sides afraid an the other
cassent do anything anywhere til the
special correspondent OF the ST Peters
burg Gazettski an the phoeogranhcr OF
the Lulu Weekly welkin an the artists
OF the Milledgeville Mornin Mail has ar
rived. An when all the correspondents
get together they fight it out amongst
themselves with such harowin' descrip-
tiors an details Of the war and were al
ways on the eve of, that the generals on
both sides deserts from the service an
goes back to the insurance business they
was promoted from. Oh. with civil APP
pointments for officers. war is sure hell
these days It's only one step from the
Nool1keepin desk TO the shoulder straps
an it's just about the same distance back
again when the ightin' begins.
I'm only wait!n' tin the ranks of the
c<aorters IS so depleted with the cruel
ravages OF war that they'll be sendin' out
the society editors. What We'll have TO
go through in the newspapers when that
happens is too awful to think about All
this carnage an these bloody battlefields
we're on the brink of so regularly four
times a week will be notnin to what will
get mixed up in the rcadin matter then.
4" The awful battle that We have been
about TO fight for some long time past
they'll write, promises TO be A Very
unique affair. Among those who are ex-
pected 10 be present will be us an the
enemy. The general color scheme, say,
what is a color scheme? Don't seem to
nothin' pass the socis;y page from
euchre party to a weddin' these days that
amt got a color scheme tied ia II. Any
new, the general color scheme they'll
write, of the battlefield will be ping an
green. This matter or artistic decoration
has already been decided upon by the
generals CT the opposin' ar
,lies. The two officers made very smart
appearance at this color scheme confer
ence' they'll say. Gen Michayle Nc
Carthye was quite a pretty figure in light
shirred blue with real buttons. Say. IL
everything you read on The society page
is true imitation lacem ust be about the
most lonesome Kind OF msteriai lyin'
sround loose these days. But / reckon
there's about as much of 1t worn now as
ever an they're just a little more careful
about the way the label reads than form
erly This here stamp OF fashion seems
10 cover multitude or sins. an il the
labels Just reads the same as that Of Mrs.
Van Damabi.. it don't make much differ
ence If the costume is made up mostly of
the materials. that isn't there. like scEne
of these evenin' gowns an summer dress
es I've seen since ! came back from the
Philippine Islands. with their heathenish
women who still wear clothes from the
top story to the basement.
- An Gen Patryckye McGynnsys.
they'll write. hein' careful 10 spell IL as
differently from the way the old man.
who was a poor hut contractin' hod car
r!er. spelled il as possible. Gen Nc