Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1903-03-16
DAILY SHORT STORY
A Change of Programme
Copyright. 1902, by MeCures Newspaper
.Iil.r,t L

When Deacon Abner Perkins of the
village of Grafton had been widower
for two years. he married Sarah Ann
Bridges, spinster of thirty-six. Sarah
Ann had been friend of the deceased
wife for several years, and when Mrs.
Perkins was told that her days were
numbered she called the deacon to her
bedside and said:
''Abner, you will mourn for me- but
you will get married again in a couple
of years. You'll need somebody to
wash and mend and bake and keep
things going. Sarah Ann Bridges is
good tempered, good housekeeper and
hard worker, and I'd rather you
would marry her than any one l know"
The deacon jotted down the initials
of Miss Bridges name on his memory,
and in due time called upon her and
made her his wife. He was glad,
Sarah was glad, and no one had any
criticisms to make. A hundred differ
ent people said they knew Sarah like
n book. and that the deacon couldn't
have done better. He thought so, too,
for three or four weeks, and then he
began to doubt. One morning the new
for the parlor, but the deacon turned
to his store book and proved to her
that the old curtains hadn't been up
but seven years, and that they ought
to do for seven years more. 1t was the
first time he had crossed her, and Sa-
rah flushed up, rolled her eyes and then
fell down in u fit. A doctor and three
or four women worked over her for
two hours and finally brought her back
from the grave, and the parlor win
dOws had new curtains the next day.
That was where Deacon Perkins made
his mistake, but he did not realize it
until later on. Sarah's sudden illness
was supposed to be due to a weak
heart, but it is no great trick to fool
doctor once or twice.
Ten days had passed, and the new
wife was cleaning house, when u sew
ing machine man came along. He
hadn't told half his story when Sarah
decided that she must have machine.
The deacon's first wife always had
done her sewing by hand. and the huS-
band himself had regarded q sewing
machine as an invention of Satan. He
promptly put his foot down on the con-
templated purchase, and Sarah as
promptly fell in heap again. 1t was
long three hours before she was
about the house again, and upon the
advice of the doctor the deacon bought
the sewing machine.
A month later, when Sarah wanted
new shoes and was put off, she fell over
for the third time. On this occasion,
however, the doctors suspicious were
Of of
the women who had helped TO draw
her back from the grave. 1t was de-
cided to be case of sulks and nothing
more dangerous. The doctor stated his
belief to the deacon. and the deacon
agreed with him, but that didn't mean
that Sarah Ann would go out of bust
ness.
The next fit she had lasted twenty
four hours before the doctor was called
and the next thirtysiX, and then Dea'
con Perkins realized that he had
problem to deal with. 1t was evident
that Sarah would lie right where she
fell for u week unless something was
done. He went to the minister. Minis
tiers are not supposed to be posted on
stocks and bonds and brickyards, but
most OF them have had experience
with wives. He made a suggestion.
Two weeks later that suggestion was
put into practice. Sarah Ann wanted a
bell on the front door, but the deacon
promptly replied that all callers could
make themselves heard by pounding
on the door with a club. Sarah fell
down in one of her usual fits, and the
deacon cried out that she was dead at
last and rushed for certain neighbors.
They came, together with the doctor
The latter pronounced the woman dead,
and the women began preparing the
body for its last resting place.
There were three of them, and they
had a good deal to say. They congrat-
ulated the deacon with all their hearts
on regaining his freedom, and they
married him again to the Widow Lee.
The doctor advised that the cheapest
kind of coffin should be purchased.
AS the deacon bent over her he said he
shouldn't have much of a funeral PRO-
cession and wouldn't shed any more
tears than he could possibly help.
Sarah Ann slipped off the bed and
made for the broom sitting on end in a
corner of the room. The deacon
jumped for the door, but received a
couple or whackS before he could get
out. In the yard he was run twice
around the henhouse and into the
kitchen before being brought to bay.
Sarah Ann. you are a dead wom-
anw he exclaimed as he grabbed for
the broomstick.,
"No; 1 amt eitherp' she replied as
she fought him off.
go back and behave yourself and
don't disappoint me again. There
hasn't been a funeral in town for over
a year, and if you come to life this
way no woman will lend you a cup OF
sugar or a flatiron."
But Sarah insisted that she was
alive.
"But 1 want you to understand"
said the deacon. anxious to test the
remedy, ''that I shan't git no new cane
seat chairs for the parlor, as you want.