davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Omaha daily bee., 1903-04-05

was the chief qUartermaster OF the forces
operating in the field against the hostile
Sioux OF South Dakota In the winter and
spring OF 1890 and 1891. From 1874 TO
March, 1896. General Charles +. Humphrey
served continuously west of the Missouri
river, the duties being arduous, often
dangerous and always of a most respon-
sible nature. In March. 1895, he was or
dered in charge OF the general depot OF
the quartermaster department at Washing
ton. In April, 1898. he became chief quar-
termaster on the stan OF the
major general commanding the army.
On May 2, 1898, he was ordered
by the secretary OF war temporarily chief
quartermaster. Fifth Army corps, then as
sembling at Tampa for the invasion OF
Cuba, On June 16 OF the same year he
was appointed chief Quartermaster Of the
Santiago expedition. He was relieved Au-
gust 2S and on November 10 was ordered
to Havana as chief quartermaster Of Cuba,
and on the LIST OF january. 1899. was made
chief quartermaster OF the division of
Cuba. II was at this time the Boxer
troubles arose and the United States de-
cided to send a relief expedition TO the
land Of the dragon with General ChafEee at
its head. General Humphrey, with the
spirit Of the pioneer In him., asked for
orders to join the Chinese relief expedi-
tlon. and on July "a, 1900. he was made
chief quartermaster under General Adna
r.. Chaffee. The work OF that expedition,
the intrepidity OF It and the daring deeds
done in the Flowery kingdom are matters
of 80 recent history that the readers Of this
sketch will readily recall what was there
accomplished.
Al the close OF the China service Gem
eral Humphrey was made chief quarter
master, Division Of the Philippines, In May,
1901, which position he held up 20 the time
OF his nomination and confirmation as quar-
termaster general of the army.
General Charles r. Humphrey Is amongst
the last of. a galaxy OF men who entered
the military profession from civil life and
who by the force OF their own merit took
high position in the military history OF
our country. There has not been a single
officer with whom General Humphrey has
served but who has gone out OF his way to
place on Ale in the War department testi-
monials OF the highest character In favor
Of Humphrey, and these testimonials will
be heirlooms in the family Of General
Humphrey when he goes into retirement
with the others of those with whom he as
ISOLATED during forty years OF stressfui
military life.
Omaha daily bee., 1903-04-05

and read 1t to me, will you? My educa-
tiOn was neglected in my youth
1.-THE letter was twenty pages long, but
the postmaster read 1t all through out loud.
"'Just read it again, says the Irishman,
when he ended, and the postmaster did 80.
"Then the Irishman scratched his head
and said: How much is due on herr
Eleven cents
"'Wen, keep her; she's none Of mine
said the Irishman. She don't belong to
me- And he walked Off"
Count Boni de Castellane, on his recent
arrival in America, was not much pleased
with the rumor that he and his wife were
on bad terms, relates the New York Tri-
bune.
"You are unreasonable persons. you
Americans" he said. in New York. to a
reporter. 'You say things without reason.
without ground. You are like an aged
French peasant / have heard about"
He smiled family, and resumed;
This peasant, q bachelor, attended the
wedding ceremony Of a blooming girl OF IL.
She was to marry a hulking lad of 20. Our
old. decrepit bachelor looked like a dried
nut beside these young lovers.
"But he arose when the priest asked IL
there was anyone present who forbade the
baRns and shouted:
81 do. l forbid them
""Why, Gustavo?' said the priest. mildly.
Because, father. T had reserved this
young girl for myself said the old fellow"
At a meeting of Universalist clergymen,
to which denomination Barnum belonged, he
was called upon for a few remarks. He was
always ready, and at the conclusion hc
stated with all seriousness that he had just
received reliable information that at the
United States mint in Philadelphia brand
new quarter dollars could be bought for a
short time at IL and 10 cents apiece. Ho
saw that his statement had caused a sensa-
tion, and at the close of the meeting a
reverend old gentleman called him aside
and said:
"Mr. Barnum, ] am opposed to all ferns
OF speculation, but ! have been thinking
that IL / can purchase those quarter-dollars
for the price you name l might make an
honest penny. Do you see anything wrong
in itT'
Nothing at all. hut tell me how you ex-
peet to make a profit"
IF the quarters cost me only ~ and l2
cents. why. i can readily sci. them again at
par. can ] not?"
Certainly" replied Barnum. without q
change Of countenanee, but IL you pay IL
and lS cents-that is twelve plus thirteen
wherein lies the proht?"
On another occasion Barnum notified the
Omaha daily bee., 1903-04-05

r. HOmBt1hEl WnO HAS bSth
1 designated by the president as
~ quartermaster general Of the
~ army to succeed Brigadier Cen
eral M. /. Ludington, has won this re-
sponsible position by sheer force Of merit.
General Humphrey has probably seen as
much service as any one Of the men who
have retired as brigadier generals or major
generals. There has been no work too hard
for him. He has never shirked response
bilities and where some men would have
fallen back upon their military record and
objected to being ordered hither and yon
in the military service Of the United States,
General Humphrey has sought pioneer po-
sitions wherever the military authority has
gone.
Charles F. Humphrey is a mans man.
He is esteemed by men who love valor.
Born in New York, his principal service in
the civil war was in the Sixth corps, Army
of the Potomac. He was awarded a furlough
under general order No. A. headquarters
Army of the Potomac, January "a, 1855, for
"soldiery conduct" during the campaign Of
1864, and on his return from furlough was
recommended for promotion in the regular
artillery, and the picture which accom-
panies this story Of General Humphreys
busy military life shows him as a young
lieutenant of artillery, but with determi-
nation to succeed asserting itself from
every feature.
Soon after the Army of the Potomac was
disbanded he was ordered south and served
on the South Atlantic and Gulf coasts with
the exception of a year in the west, until
November, 1872, when he was ordered to
the Pacific coast. and in April, 1873. was
sent to the Artillery school. Back again
he went to the Pacific coast in 1874, serv-
ing in California, Alaska, Washington and
during the Indian campaigns in several Of
the states and territories east and west Of
the Rocky mountains until 1879. While
first lieutenant in the Fourth artillery
General Humphrey was honorably men
toned in orders. He was brevetted cap-
tain for gallant and mcritorious services
against the Indians and awarded the con-
gressional medal of honor for the most dis
tinguished gallantry in action against the
Indians.
While his record in the line stands out
in splendid colors his record in the staff
is even more conspicuous. From 1879 to
1856 he served as depot qnartermaster at
headquarters. Department of California and
Division OF the Pacific, under the imme-
date omman of Major Generals Mellow
ell. Schoheld and Pope, and was in charge
Omaha daily bee., 1903-04-05
Gleanings From the Story Tellers' Pack

cloudy sky and the greedy tongues OF fame
leaped heaVenward. Then suddenly he
Awoke to a full consciousness OF what, to
his simple mind. seemed the only solution
of all the hurried tumult, and shouted to
his bedtellow, Wake up, Nike, fer tn love
o. heaven, wake up lad. an come to tn
windy. They do be mooyin' hell! W
loads have gone BY"
The cashier OF a certain firm had alb
seconded and the head clerk was decided on
as being a fit and proper person to acquaint
the head of the firm of the fact on his ar
rival.
There had been a dog fight in the street,
and a small crowd was just dispensing as
the chiefs carriage dashed up.
What's the crowd after. Jorkins?'' de-
manded the head Of the firm.
The chief clerk thought he recognized a
chance Of breaking the news gently, and
seized 1t.
THE vacancy. sir" he replied.
Vacancy What vacancy"
Cashier, SIR =
But we want no cashier, Jorkins."
Beg your pardon, sir, but we've a va
cancy for one"
"Jorklns. are you madr''
mo. sir. That is, sir, /; aaL't know, sir.
Fact is. sir-all the cash is gone, and"
"WeII?"
THE cashiers gone with It. SIR"
The Providence Journal tells a little tale
about the prosecution of William +. Blake
for assault upon one McTernan. II il a
true story, but is good enough TO be
fiction.
Mr.. McTernan had detailed at some
length how he had gone into the saloon
at No. S35 Westminster street at the re-
quest Of Mrs. Margaret Colbert on the
evening of February %; how he had been
attacked. as he alleged. by William f..
Blake, and had had a quartet of teeth COM
pletely dislodsed by a blow from the de-
fendant's fist; how he had then been kicked
in the side thrice. and how he had borne
1t all without lifting his hands 10 defend
himself. On the face OF Il up 10 tina point
the narrative sounded like one OF aggra-
waited assault.
Then Harry p. Cross took the witness in
hand to erOss-examine him.
You say Mr.. Blake struck you In the
mouth" he asked.
"He did" was the emphatic reply.
with his hst?'
yes. will his FIST"
And knocked out four teeth?"
Yes. four teeth"
Now, Mr.. Mc1'ernan," asked the lawyer,
"abOut those teeth. Were they false %
They was" said McTernaD. after an in
stant's hesitation. but they was ell l lad"
Omaha daily bee., 1903-04-05

bling their names on a program, wrote IN
derneath:
May we see you apart?"
When the message was delivered War
field was taking off his makeup" He
seized a red pencil, one of his props in
the auction scene, and dashed off the fol-
lowing reply on the same program:
MANY thanks. Don't come apart. Was
born in one piece"
DR.. James M. Buckley, editor of the
Christian Advocate, is a great favorite with
the young men in the Methodist deromina-
ton. Often he admonishes them along in
teresting lines.
To a youth who has just begun his work
in the ministry he said the other day:
How are things matrimonial with you,
my boy?"
'Im still SINGLE" was the reply.
Don't delay too long, said the doctor
with a merry twinkle In his eye. "You
don't want to put marriage on until you are
SO old that you won't be able to manage
your children"
An Irishman and a ~ScOtchman. says the
New York Times, once went travelling
through a western prairie. 1t happened
that one afternoon they shot a single quail,
which would do for the breakfast Of one
OF them on the following morning. Know
ing that the bird was not enough for two,
they agreed TO have It eaten by the one
who should have the best dream during the
night.
When they woke early in the morning,
the Irishman said to the Scotchman: "An'
phwat did you dr-ream, Sandy7"
"Well," answered the Scot, II dreamed
that l saw a beautiful basket descend from
heaven. and then I got into 1t and was
borne up to Paradise"
al l dreamed" said the Irishman,
that 1 saw you goin' up, an thought you
wouldn't come back, an so l ate the quail"
Congressman Cannon was symathiZing
with the woes OF postmasters.
Listen to what a postmaster from my
district out near DanYIlIe went through
the other day" he said. "An Irishman
cam to this man and asked II there was q
letter for him.
There is says the postmaster. and It's
a big, fat letter. too. There's IL cents due
on it.
We'll says the Irishman. lust open It
Omaha daily bee., 1903-04-05

dealer from whom he bought a large amount
OF supplies that half the pepper he sent him
was peas. The dealer Indignantly denied
the charge, and quito a warm correspond
ence followed, 1t being finally ended by
Darnum. who inquired whether half the
letters in the word pepper" were not p's.
An old but still droIl story is narrated
by the New York Weekly of a talking dog
to which the power of speech was SEEM
ingly given by the art of a Ventriloquist.
The dog and his master arrived at a hotel,
the latter with only a quarter OF a dollar
in his pocket.
"Well, what will you haveT' asked the
proprietor.
I'll tax a little whisky" said the ven-
triloqulst, and then, turning TO the dog, he
asked: what will you have?"
I'll take a ham sandwich" was the dogs
reply.
The hotel keeper was breathIess for a
moment from establishment. He stared at
the dog in amazement.
what did you say?" he asked 1t.
81 said a ham sandwich"
The proprietor was so impressed by the
unheard-of phenomenon of a talking dog
that in the end he offered to buy it.
oh" said the ventrilOquist, "I wouldn't
q MN AZ nhy PlANCg DaN ~ " nv Nv
$50 I'll leave him with you till l bring back
the money!"
To this the hotel keeper agreed, thinking
he would have some fun with his friends
and neighbors. Everything was. settled and
the money paid. AS the Ventriloquist went
out he turned and waved his hand to the
dog.
"well. goodbye. Jack!" he said. I'll
come back soon"
you mean brute, to sell me for $50, after
all I've done for you'll" answered the dog.
"IIl never speak another wore as long as l
liVei" And he didn't.
A good story Is going the rounds Of an
Irlshman who was rudely awakened In the
midst OF his first nights sleep In America
by the rattle and rumble of the fire appa-
ratus answering a nearby alarm. Looking
out of his window Patrick witnessed the
inspiring sight OF the department chief
dashlng wildly vlong in his automobile,
with its changing bell, swiftly followed by
the hose wagons, water tower, hook and
ladder trucks, crowded With the brave fire.
fighters, and the huge steamers vomiting
from their funnel the low hanging, tall
like clouds OF smoke and shower Of sparks.
One by one engines sped onward at break,
neck speed, with all their attendant racket
and din. Yet Pat stood still, spellbound
ia speeches. wonder aud admiration, until
the glare OF the confagration illumined the
Omaha daily bee., 1903-04-05

AVID WAKEFIELD was playing e
Gently in 1.-THE Auctioneer" IN a
western city. where the part of
Levi attracted a group Of giggling
girls. reports the New York
Omaha daily bee., 1903-04-05

construction OF Fort Crook, heb, and his
work there and his signal ability are rec
ognized universally by those who have had
the pleasure of seeing the present fort at
Omaha in contrast with the old Fort
Omaha.
In addition TO the construction of Fort
Crook he was interested at the same time
in the construction Of pests in Wyoming,
Nebraska and Dakota, and still further he
Omaha daily bee., 1903-04-05
Career of General Charles F. Humphrey

RIGADIER GENERAL CHARLES
F. HUMPHREY. who has been
designated by the president as
ouartermaster general of the
The Madison daily leader. [volume] (Madison, S.D.) 1890-current, 1903-09-12
CARE OF CALVES.

How the Man Who Knows What to
Do and Does 1t Makes Money.
One OF the most serious faults Of the
average American farmer is his lack OF
knowledge and determined purpose In
the care of young stock. We Judge
OF a mans understanding OF any cues
ton by the way he does his work. Look
Dver the calves at three. six or twelve
months Of age In nine out Of ten OF our
American farms. Note their unthrlfty,
scrawny. Ill fed looks, and then judge
what must be the real knowledge of
calf raising possessed by their owners.
Some will say that the owners of
these calves do not do half as well as
they know. In our opinion that is not
the fact The real difficulty is that
they do not half know what they ought
to know about these things and conse-
Qucntly their work Is half done. They
have never resolutely set themselves to
work to study what it means to rear a
calf we'll When a man Is thoroughly
saturated with the knowledge OF a
thing II holds him up to better work.
In March last two men came into
this neighborhood looking for grade
dairy calves, says a correspondent OF
Hoari's Dairyman. They were men
who knew what they wanted. They
purchased seven grade Guernsey heif-
ers, dropped last full. Of one man and
paid him an average of SOAPS for the
lot. At the same time they said they
could purchase calves Of the same
breeding and age Of neighboring farm
ers for from $40 to $15 apiece.
The Madison daily leader. [volume] (Madison, S.D.) 1890-current, 1903-09-12
A RIOT IN TITLES.
Elaborate Classification OF hnns
That Rules In Denmark.

|
That Rules In Denmark.
The Danish classification of rank Is
very elaborate one, built up OF Of
fees, orders, birth and titles, writes j.
Brochner In Danish Life In Town and
Country" There are nine classes,
which arc divided into as many rs a
dozen subsections, each of which may
again comprise score or two or dif-
ferent titles and offices, yet there was
complaint in one Of the Danish papers
the other day that 1t was anything but
complete
Holders of titles have to pay an an
nuai tax ranging from $44.50 in the
first class to miserly 1888 in the
ninth. There are about score of diff
ferent titles, several Of which are again
divided into real and Others" the
"reaI" being several shades better than
the Others"
These titles are always used In con-
versation, MS, for example, VIII not
the chamberlain have cigarT' or
"Mr. Chamberlain. will you not have
cigar?" And it requires fairly
clear head and good memory to give
everybody his due in Il large party,
especially as some of them are deco
rously long as, for instance, geheime-
confcrentsraad.
Then there are ladies, who generally
have "inde" Uhe English 'ess'e added
to their husbands title or office.
coloners wife, for instance, Is called
oberstindc. and the wife of the cham
berlain to the king kammerherreinde
and so forth.
Rut the subtleties Of the additional
titular address In writing even excel
the verbal form. That persons Of the
first rank are "eXcellencies" Is only
natural, but gentlemen Of the second
class have on documents addressed to
them a high well born" prcfiXed to
their title and name, and those or the
third class d high and well born"
much regret that I cannot explain why
the addition Of this and should
somewhat detract from the value OF
the same words.
Gentlemen of the ninth class are ad-
dressed as "well honorable and we'll
bred" which is, think. almost more
than they could expect for their 1888.
The Madison daily leader. [volume] (Madison, S.D.) 1890-current, 1903-09-12
The Summer Doarders.

fBy the man whose wife keeps emil
I have to hitch the gray mare up an
fetch their trunks an stuff
Home from the cars. me driv there
a-harkin' TO their CUFF
About the ''lovely hills so blue" an "Oh.
the sparkling airl''
An oil that city tommyrot that makes me
want to swear.
They occupy the porches an the chairs
like the best
An use my shade to loaf In an the ham,
mock where rest;
They ask me how the fshin' is an where
the pick'rel bite
Until I get SO goldarn mad Just could
up an fight!
I've got to mop the kitchen floor an I'LL
the coal oil lamps
An fix the swing an shoe the flies an go
to town for stamps
I have TO wash their dishes. too. a-feelin
like chump,
An eat my vittles Off bench beside the
back door pump.
A pretty state OF things. by jinks, when
men amt got no rights
Around their homes an has to sleep OUT
in the hayIoft nights!
A. mans house was his castle once, but
'tisn't so today.
Consarn them boarders. anyway! Thats
all I've got to say.
Newark Evening News
The Madison daily leader. [volume] (Madison, S.D.) 1890-current, 1903-09-12
PROGRESS IN CHINA.
Wcstern Amusements In the Summer
Palace mt pekinE.

Wcstern Amusements In the Summer
Palace mt PekinE.
Commenting on the recent dancing in
the palace at Peking, the China Times
says: 1T was a matter Of great sur
prise to many to learn that the grand
old dowager had taken a real interest
In western music and that princesses
were lancering In way calculated to
upset the traditions Of the Summer pal
ace. 1t appears that reform in China
can be best introduced through western
pleasures and amusements. Tientsin
has selected the humble medium Of the
merry go round with horse power mu-
sic, while peking in It's pride Of place
called upon the services Of Sir Robert
Harts famous band Amusements are
far more insidious than study. and 1t Is
the first aim of every teacher to inter-
est first and instruct afterward.
"China Is In the kindergarten stage Of
western learning. She must be amused
to be taught. Don't hurry her; don't
cram her. Let her learn the alphabet of
reform In q pleasant manner. Instead
OF SenUlnH 10 Culua StIOHR DHiluS ol
foreign military, send strong military
bands, with Dan Godfrey to lead them.
The high appreciation Of Sir Roberts
band by the imperial party opens up a
very alarming prospect to officialdom.
For the empress to express such de-
light In western music is equivalent to
ordering the officials In the capital to
encourage such music There can be no
other prospect than every Peking off,
cial blowing his own trumpet with va
riations A wave OF music will pass
over Peking and every household will
have an additional Tyre. There is one
great danger to be guarded against.
They must not learn the extortionate
powers Of the waits"
The Madison daily leader. [volume] (Madison, S.D.) 1890-current, 1903-09-12

What made this difference In price,
Simply the way the calves were
handled. The seven calves were han
died as follows:
l. They were kept dry and clean
with plenty of fresh dry bedding every
day and their quarters were kept well
disinfected.
2 They were fed skim milk, fresh
from the separator. after the first ten
days, with little ground faXsccd and
blood meal added.
When the milk was fed they were
fore them In pals AfterNard they
were given small feed Of oats, fol
lowed by alfalfa hay. But the great
care was to keep them dry and clean.
AS soon as they were through eating
their oats they were let out OF the
stanchions and ran together loose in
the compartment. They were fed milk
morning and evening. When sold they
were in fine, clean. thrifty condition,
but not fat. They consumed apiece In
the six months they We're Kept about
$500 pounds of skim milk, 81 worth OF
oats. So worth of alfalfa hay and flax
seed meal and so cents worth Of blood
meal.
After paying for the oats, hay. fax
seed meal and blood meal, $3.50, and
allowing So for the value of tho calf
when week old-the price allowed by
calf buyers we have SITS per calf
rs pay for $500 pounds of skim milk
and the labor
. Twelve calves were kept in the com
partment Does 1t pay to make little
study of calf life?
The Madison daily leader. [volume] (Madison, S.D.) 1890-current, 1903-09-12

the third was the name Scotland
"These were the identical things that
Mr. Stead's secretary had telegrapheo
earlier to Franks at Nottingham. The
telepathic communications were in
stantaneous.
when the test had ended there was
not one who had been privileged to
witness the extraordinary demonstra-
ton who felt himself assatled by the
least doubt as to its genuineness."
The Madison daily leader. [volume] (Madison, S.D.) 1890-current, 1903-09-12

Doctor Straughoff. the noted German
scientist says: The most beautiful
and we'll formed women are Americans,
where 80 per cent. use Rocky Mountain
Tea The great beautiter" 35 cents
Frank Smith.