The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1903-09-23
G. w. Coffin Resigns as a JUS
tice of Peace.
Evident That He Is a Real
HumOrist.
DISPENSED NO JUSTICE.
Seldom Found 1t Necessary to
Do So.
Now Moving from Town TO His
Farm.

resigned as justice OF the peace or
Agnes City township. Lyon county.
There is nothing unusual in a justice
resigring- The job isn't very good
one. SO it is easily given up. The
peculiar feature of Mr.. Coffin's resigna-
ton is that he takes six pages of letter
paper to tell the governor about it; but
at the same time he is very refreshing
about it. In fact. Mr. Coffin seems to
be an original sort of a humorist. His
letter of resignation is as follows:
MY Dear Governor-I hereby resign
the office of justice of the peace of
Agnes City township. Lyon county,
Kansas.
THE motive which prompts me in
taking this step is not from lack of
ability to properly invest the salary.
I'm q few days 1 shall be located on
my fern % miles west of this place.
which is in Morris county. My iuris-
diction will then have passed into "a
state of 1nnocuous desuetude.' =
while 1 have agreed with the office
pretty well and my health has improved
to some extent, 1 have not grown bulky
and corpulent as many do in the pub
lie service. If true, as scripture says,
that an flesh is grass L would yet be
unable to tip the beam at a gospel
forlxfu1
Perhaps L am a little bit late in so
doing. but L desire to express my
thanks to the intelligent voters of this
township who elevated me to this ex-
allied position, and that, too, by ma
jOrity over both my Republican and
Populist opponents, but appreciate the
votes and good will much more than
do the Office. and l trust that my sue
cessor will not allow the ship OF state
to weigh so heavily on his shoulders.
Being a seller of fire insurance, or, in
other words, safety against fire, 1 have
were inclined to litigate. When I
scented trouble on the cool morning
breeze. my team of broncos were inn
mediately hooked up, and armed with
an alligator grip and a combination
fountain pen and dog extinguisher,
went out in search of pure ozone ana
business. When 1 returned the plaintiff
had cooled off, his spleen was right, and
his liver was again normal. This has
reduced litigation. From these sugges-
tionS every man who has been unfortu-
nate enough to have been elected a
justice will see the necessity of comb1n-
ing some sort of a travelling procession
along with the judiciary in such q way
as to enable him to be out .1lmmyins
around when ca ses come up where the
fees are not in plain sight
by these suggestions l do not mean
to discourage legitimate litigation nor
do 1 want to be understood as encouras-
ing law breaking. The strong right arm
of the law must be upheld. An injury to
society must be punished All the pro-
lection we have to life and property we
owe to the supreme majesty of law.
Her seat is the bosom of God and her
voice the harmony of the world; all
things in heaven and earth do hel
homage, the weak as feeling her prOtec-
ton and the strong as not being ex
enpt from her power
But I am depressing. 1t is not my
province at this time to record a
lengthy panegyric on law. In rendering
you this resignation and divesting my
judicial wardrobe, l am not seeking to
eVade responsibility. Every man should
be willing to do something for human
ity, and whatever he does in life there
should be a principle behind it.
In moving from town to the farm,
desire to say that shall continue to
wear socks and that 1 have no serious
intentions on congress. For several
years. 1 have been shedding the moss
back robe of party and have been
browsing up and down the political
pasture, fighting my own flies. l am
now seeking independence along all lines
and don't propose to take off my hat to
any presidential possibility unless he
trots in the class with Joe Folk, Golden
Rule Jones or Mayor Tom Johnson.
1T is this love of independence that
causes me to pine for the rural ranch.
where mental repose and physical rest
are lying around loose: where the vel
low pumpkin. the plump porker. and
the gorgeous .gobbler are basking in the
sunshine: where the artichoke, the
cookie burr and the potato bug do
business: where the smell of the stock
yards is swallowed up in the rich, juicy
odor of the onion. the DOlecat, and the
fragrant perfume of the peach bios
SONS; where the winning smile of the
watermelon steals away your wisdom.
and the melancholy cucumber leads
YOU astray IN the byways of cholera
r1r1c ciph the whore
host of ring-tailed' chinchbugs and
job lot of chiggers await my coming.
long to stretch my pedal extremities
out of the second-story window and let
them commune with nature, while
slide gently into the salubrious realms
of dreamland.
I'm resignins this office 1 am free to
saw that l wish YOU well. If at any
time. from desire to consult me when
the great ship of state does not float to
your music or you have legislature
on your hands. my address will be
R. F. D. No. 1. Council Grove, Kas.
NY experience is unselfishly at your
disposal even if we do not view public,
matters through the same kind of
spectacles. AS travelling solicitor for
two of the best insurance companies in
the west | know the conditions and
needs of our people. My residence in
this country dates back to the time
when buffalo chips and prairie fires
were our chief products and when the
KaW Indian circulated freely in the
channels of trade: when the lonesome
voice of the coyote mingled with the
paean of the prairie hen cooling to her
mate: when Squatter sovereignty ruled
the roost and the sturdy settler slyly
swiDed his firewood off the reserva-
ton.
Pardon this reminiscent depression
1 trust you will have no difficulty in
locating my successor, and that he may
prove a worthy assistant in maintain
! ing the dignity of your administration.
1 remain Respectfully yours,
&c. BILL COFFIN
'Bushong. Kas''
Enormous Demand for whisky.