Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1903-10-29
DAILY SHORT STORY
"Carpetbag" Justice.
fOriginal.l

pulled out a paper, but as he could not
read he failed to get the required in
formation. However, he was equal to
the occasion.
what de prisoner is charged with
stealth, yo' honah, will be brought out
by de witnesses. 1t isn't TO me. to max
de efferdence. l only conducts de per-
secution.'
"Wha' yo' been stealin'. Lem?"
asked the judge.
Molten. l wanted to go to de mill
de udder day, and 1 jist borryed Phil
Tomkins' mule
shut up, niggahr' cried the attorney
for the accused. Don yO' know dat
dere is a law dat no person is obliged
to crimidate hisselfY"
"Yo', Phil Tomkins," said the judge,
did Lem steal yo' muleT'
Yes, sah.''
''How a. yo' know" put in the pris-
oner's attorney, dat he didn't bOrry
it? How do yo' know dat he TUX de
mule at all? How does de cot know
dat de mule belonged to yo'? How
does de cot know dat yo' didn't steal
de mule yo'self?"
With this preliminary legal flourish.
which was based on observations of
how white lawyers threw dust in the
eyes of white juries, the attorney sat
down.
what efferdence is dere," asked the
Judge, dat Phil stole de mule?"
"Yo' honah," put in the prosecuting
attorney. 81 didn' know dat Phil Tom
kins was bein' tried. 1 fink yO' fin by
eXamerin' de statutes dat Lem links is
de prisoner"
"Wha' 20 know boot de statues?
Don yO' s'pose 1 know somepin boot
de statues m'self? Does de lawyer
know mo- dan de jidge? What kind of
a cot would dat be, like t know?"
"Yo' honah," cried the lawyer for the
defense, catching at the advantage Civ
en- him by the judge, 81 air prepa' ed t
prove dat Phil Tomkins is de biggest
liar in de county. 1 got my witnessers
right hyar. Tom Blinker, take de STAN"
Tom Blinker. a reverend looking old
darby, stepped out in front of the
judge.
"Wha' yo know boot Phil Tomkins?"
asked the latter.
"Phil Tomkins don got no mule"
"Wha'! Don't own no mule? How
Lem Jinks go en- steal Phil TOmkins'
mule wha' Phil don got?''
az hain't hyar, judge, fo' t displain
improbable faces. 1 only hyar t glib my
everdence."
Both the prosecuting and defending
attorneys sprang to their feet The
judge looked from one to the other, I'M
certain which took precedence; but, be-
ent to determine the matter.
'Yo' gentlemen set down, and when
1 say Jump yO' git up s quick S yo'
can. Den l glib de flo to de niggah
wha' git up first"
The nimbleness of the attorneys was
thus tested and resulted in a victory
for the prisoners counsel, who was
younger and more active than his oppo-
nent
"Yo' honah," he said, 81 brought
witnesser wha' proved dat Phil Tom
kins hain't got no mule. Derefo' l
proved dat Lem links didn' steal it.
Derefo' Phil Tomkins is wha' l said
befo', de biggest liar in de county"
The judge scratched his head. The
question was, what neXtY The pros
ecuting attorney seemed equally be-
wildered. The counsel for the defense
was the only bright man in the lot.
Besides. he had once been janitor of
court room and was familiar with the
tricks of the trade.
MAY it please yO' honah,' he began.
His honah was certainly pleased at
being addressed so respectfully and
when one of the jurymen blew his
with his Ratchet.
MAY it please yo' honah, 1 goin' to
unraffie dis case wha' on count OBJ de
stupidness oh de prosecutin' attorney,
spite yo honah's tryin' to pervent him,
hab got into a tanSle like de reins OBJ Il
runaway boss. VIVA we goin' TO do in
dis county eff cherry niggah wha' hain't
got no mules kin take up de variable
time OBJ de cot 'cusin' honest niggahs
like Lem Jenks?"
''Yo' hear dat, Phil Tomkins, yo' tri-
fin niggah?" said the judge sternly.
understanding yo' honah's knowl-
edge OBJ de law, understanding de rul-
ms OBJ de cot, our VARIABLE time, wha'
might better be tullen up Sittin' in de
sun smokin' de cob. is wasted hyar
listenin' to de charge oh a man TO
havin' he mule stole wha' hain't got
no mule. Now, yo' honah knows de
law well huff to know dat Phil Tom
kins has been a breakin' it, and yo'
honah knows dat de penalty OBJ break
in de law is hangin'."
"Hor on dar. niggah," cried the pros
ecuting attorney. awakening to the fact
that the trial of Lem jerks by the
adroitness of the opposing counsel had
been converted into the trial of Phil
Tomkins. Il like to ak de cot who's
bein' tried? Jedge. yo' don know no
mo- bout law
The mallet came down with a bang
on the board, and the learned prosecu-
tor suddenly became aware that he had
made mistake.
''Dere's too much valuable time been
wasted by de cot already. De final
IL e. Il. IT.