The Hawaiian gazette. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1865-1918, 1903-10-30
HOW TWO 6eNrLrMEN SETTLE.


i abodes OF peace are agitating the hu
man race, IT Is refreshing to turn Z
i the more recent interviews between
h Uncle Sam and John Bull.
n Uncle Sam carries his youth jauntil!
{ and In his personal appearance ha
I greatly improved His chin whisker
g are still long, but the ends are smooth,
i clipped. His hair is abundant ant
e hangs down, but 1t is parted on the lef
side and well brushed. His side face 1!
neatly shaved by an American barber
: His clothes are home-spun, but of fine
cloth and well cut. His cooked hat IL
= worn little on one side.
John Bull retains his old costume and
always shaves himself His top boots
are new and whole. He has discarded
his riding whip. His figure is stocky
and his expression sturdy and good
humored.
These two gentlemen have met on
several occasions. At their first meet
ing they had a row over spilled tea that
ended In a fight of several rounds, IN
which John Bull was licked. 1t is fair
to say that, at the time, he had num-
Der of quarrels on his hands and had
been in some pretty hard tins. But
now. with his usual bluffness. he de-
clares that he is glad Uncle Sam be-
came the champion Of North America,
and that he made a blunder In kicking
up a fuss about few pounds of tea.
He puts the blame, however, upon his
business managers. who were bent up
on disturbance and got 1t.
A few years later these two gentle
men met again and had another fight.
which resulted in draw, but increased
their raspact for oh other Neither of
them can tell exactly what it was about,
but they both agree that Uncle Sans
man, Andrew jackson, was too much
for Packenham. In this fight the two
principals did not enter the ring
Passing over a discussion of "a 40 or
fight" which was a mere bluffing
match, without disturbing the status
in quo, their next important encounter
was about two men, Slidell and Mason,
who were taken off a steamer belong
ing to John Bull by the captain of one
of Uncle Sans vessels Both of them
were largely engaged in trade, but, at
the time, Uncle Sam was very busy and
had his hands full Through one of his
chief factors, William II. Seward, he
returned the two men and that Incl
dent was closed.
BY this time our two gentlemen We're
in the condition of Colonel Damas, in
one of Bulwer's plays, who always
liked man after he had fought with
him. "Old things had passed away
and all things became new" So when
the next opportunity for a scriVmage
came, they agreed to settle by arbitra-
ton. A war steamer sailing under no
recognized flag, had been allowed to es-
cape from one of John Bulls ports, |
and subsequently destroyed a number |
of Uncle Sans vessels, very much as
Paul Jones had done in the reverse way |
about the time of the first collision.
John Bull had to pay the bill, and gave
his check, after the decision, without
haggling or delay.
Twice afterwards, John Bull tried to
interfere in Venezuela, where Uncle
Sam had large interests, which he had
partly built up for himself and partly
inherited from an old manager of his,
named James Monroe. On the first &C.
casion his head man, Grover Cleveland,
was pretty rough to John Bull. who
abandoned his claim. The second time,
John Bull had formed a temporary
with an aggressive Ger
man, and the relation was unpleasant
and their interests became mixed. But,
at the suggestion Of one Alexander, a
Russian, Uncle Sam and John Bull. with
some others, had joined in establishing
a sort of tribunal at the Hague, the
precise object of which was to adjudi-
cate just such complications as this.
Uncle Sam had no direct interest in this
row, except by inheritance, but he and
John Bull. securing the assent of the
parties, had the matter re-
ferred to the new court.
One more struggle, and the last in
sight between the two gentlemen has
now been amicably closed. Uncle Sam
had purchased a large piece of real es-
tate. which was called Alaska. One
Of John Bulls children, with his pc
sistance, had acquired a contiguous
tract, long before the purchase, referred
TO. There was a fierce dispute about
The boundary line between the two
properties, and the land in question was
very valuable, both in itself and from
is situation. Uncle Sam, to show his
confidence. practically offered to leave
the matter out to the decision OF a
lobleman in John Bulls service, Lord
Alverstone, who was also a judge. John
Bull and his child agreed to the pro-
oosal, and Uncle Sam won.
So the relations between the two gems
.lemen are firmly established, as APP
pears by the last conference.
Uncle Sam: well! John Bull, every
hing between us is satisfactorily set
led and our friendship is solid. Miss
will soon get over her grouti-
ness. You go on, old man, with your
colonies and dependencies. I have
arge family, and nearly all of them are
1t home. I intend to give them thor
ough education, to train them in the
lear of God. and to make every one Of
hem work. Our spheres of life are
different but they touch each
other, and you may rely on my help,
when you need it. Your adopted child,
Miss Erin, seems just now to be In a
happy frame of mind. So you have no
domestic broils on hand. And, though
hey are scattered, your children seem
20 be filal and self-supporting. You
remember. John, n great many years
lgo, in the Chinese seas. the command
n OF one of my vessels turned himself