The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-10-04
WINE ON WILEY MENU.
Liquid Diet for New Class of Poison
 Tasters.

l Ta9Uer8.
 Washington Post
 Dr. Wiley is back from London, with | a batch of new theories. According to the doctor,i the human race Is becorn- ing hairless and toothless as the result of increased intellectually and the pre- valence of "ready-chewed" health foods He declares the day is rapidly approach | ing when hair and teeth will become as extinct as the dodo bird; l Other troubles are weighing on Prof Wiley's mind. On Oct. 1. he will throw open the doors of the scientific cafe Of | the Bureau of Chemistry, and as the tests will be conducted with saiicylio acid, used only in liquids, and as he will have no experiment with wines and | beers, he fears a rush of candidates for scientific experimentation.
 Tanned and bouyant Dr. Wiley return ed to Washington from a two months vacation abroad late Tuesday night, and assumed charge of the bureau early yes- terday. He immediately issued orders to Assistant w. B. Bigelow to go out into the highways and byways of the govern ment departmenes and corral of Uncle Sam's clerk to take the places of the batch of chemical boarders experimented upon last year, most of whom have either married or moved out of the Jur- isdiction of the Agricultural Department.
 
 Wiley took charge of affairs, and all will be ready at an early date to recom- mence poison pill'' regime. Borax and formaldehyde were "finsihed" last year, and Prof Wiley will now turn his atten- ton to salicylic acid.
 "Salicylic acid is preservative used only in liquids. such as wines. beers, fruit syrups, and such things" said pr. Wiley to a Post reporter, "and it is with this drug we will make our forthcoming tests They don't use salicylic acid in meats, only in liquids.
 Volunteers A-plenty.
 "Will I feed the boarders on wine and beer? Ha! ha! ha! Now. who told you that?" Prof. Wiley laughed heartily at the idea. Maybe I will put the silicyiic acid in water and give 'em that. Oh, yes; it wouldn't be very pleasant, but, then. salicylic acid Is tasteiess. But about using wines and beers-well. if that in- formation gets out there'll be a rush! I guess we won't have any trouble in get ting subjects: the difficulty will be in getting rid of applicants"
 On the shelf in Prof. Wiley's office an array of long-necked wine bottles. squat vessels labeled ale and other assorted beverages of pleasing and imposing ap- pearance caught the reporters eye and rivetted his attention. pr. Wiley, too looked that way and chuckled to himself He was in a fine humor, but he didn't offer to draw cork. These are for in- vestlgation." he explained. "Salicylic acid is contained in inferior grades of such things, and in common wine, the unfermented variety.
 'I tell you" said Prof. Wiley in a serious tone. wheeling his chair up to the reporters. "our Christian friends are sal icised up to their necks."
 Prof Wiley said he did not know whether Perry. the Civil Service cook, would be called to preside over the beakers of the kitchen with the opening of the fall season or not. This has not been determined.
 From boraX and formaldehyde 1t was an easy step for Prof. Wiley to speak of falling hair and molars He Is inter- ested in this question. but he Is not alarmed. As he spoke of man becoming bald at a rapid rate as the result of in- creased brain activity he patted hair less spot on the top of his own head with | cheerfulness that was plainly seen to be unaffected.
 Nearer State of Perfection.
 Such things are to Prof. Wiley all a part of a mans scientific profession. | There is nothing retrograding in them. The loss of tail. hair teeth-all are steps forward toward human perfection. Some | where between the loss of tail from dis use came mans loss of control over his ears. Prof. Wiley knew man who could wag his ears. Lots of people can move their scalps and make their ears wag," said Prof Wiley, ''but the man I knew could move his ears like dog or horse. All of us have the controlling
 EScles still. que we can't use them.
 have other ways now of keeping the f; have invented trumpets to as. in hearing, and our ears are