The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1903-12-10
Humorous

"D'ye know, Hooligan, you look like
the divil wild mustache?" "Yis; I'm
goin' to shave it Off" Lave it on;
Yell look worse widout it."-Life.
Business Sense.-"The P. X. & Y is
the most interesting railroad in the
country" Jumpuppe-Why? "They
now run excursions and observation
trains to the scenes Of all their i'm
portant wrecks."-Ex.
"Let us have peace" said the Eng
lish invader; "can you not see that the
white strangers love the redmen?"
"Ah, yes" replied the intelligent In
dian, they love the very ground we
walk upon."-Philadelphia Press.
Silence Fell as a Pall-Young Wife
Cat dinner)-I didn't tell you, Adolphus,
I cooked the dinner to-day myself.
Husband = Indeed! Then in my
thoughts have been doing poor Mary
Ann great injustice-Pearson'
Weekly.
Fond Of Fancy Work.-"Does your
wife do much fancy work." Fancy
work? She won't even let a porous
plaster come into the house without
crocheting red border round it and
running yellow ribbon through the
holes. Tit Bits.
A Rare Chance-Nell-I was de-
lighted to meet her at a bargain sale
to-day. Belle thought you detested
her. Nell-So do; and during the
crush found chance to give her a
few good pokes on my own account
philadelphia Ledger.
"Such weather. exclaimed Mr.. Hen
ry Peck. I'm free to say this"
Whats that, Henry?" interrupted his
wife. BEG pardon, my DEAR" he be-
gan meekly. Il mean 'with-your per-
mission I'm free to say this is the
worst climate under the sun."-Phil-
adelphia Press.
Yes" said the dentist, "to insure
painless extraction you'll have to take
gas, and that's fifty cents extra. ="
"Oh! said the farmer, 81 guess the
old way'n be best; never mind no gas"
you're a brave man." "Oh! it amt
me that's got the tooth; it's my wife"
Philadelphia Ledger.
No Advantage to Her.-"Are you
training your daughters in the house
hold arts?' mo. What's the use?
Jest as soon as I got one Of them
trained SOS she could help me, some
man would come along an marry her.
An men are havin' it too easy these
days, anyhow."-Chicago Post.
A hopeless case: "a great big, able
bodied man like you ought to be
ashamed to ask a stranger for money"
said the well-to-do citizen. II know
ought" answered Meandering Mike;
but, mister, I'm jes' naturally too
kind hearted to tap IN on de head and
take 1t way from him. "-Washingto
Star.
II see you have chicken for dinner"
"Yessuh," said Erastus Pinkley.: II
hope you bought the chicken" "Well,
no; but the transaction were strictly
regular. Dat chicken has been roost-
in on my fence fob months wifout
payin' muffin, an 1 reckoned 1t were
bout time to fohclose. "-Washington
Star.
He-"So the engagement is broken
OFF," She Yes. He told her he
thought she should stop reading nov
els and read something more substan-
tial; something that would improve
her" He-"Well" She-"Well, the
idea of man intimating to his fiancee
that she could be improved In any
way!'-Philadelphia Press.
Sad part of 1t: what did you do
with that fellow who stole the horseY
asked the tenderfoot. "Nothin' much"
answered Broncho Bill-"jist took the
boss away from him." ''Is that all?"
Yep. He war settin' In the saddle
with rope around his neck tied to a
tree when we took the boss away,
though" -Indianapolis Sun.
Stranger-Are the walters here at
tentive to you? Pretty Cashier
Sir-r-r-r! Stranger-Oh, no offense, I
assure you. l was only carrying out
the instructions printed on the bill of
fare, which say: please report any
inattention of walters to cashier" And
l thought IL they were inattentive to
you 1 would report them-that's ALL
Baltimore American.
Well trained: I'm anxious to get
the names of all present" said the re-
porter; twill you oblige me-" "Ohw
said the meek little man, you may
put down Mrs. Henry Peck and hus-