The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1903-09-16
HUMOROUS.

race In burst OF speed mo; only
In burst of the gasoline tank"
Tess-Gracious | must be getting
awfully old and homely. Jess-Yes?
Tess-Yes, four girls know are going
to be married and have asked me to
be their bridesmaid.
"And why do you think you would
make a good book agent?" asked the
manager. WELL" replied the appli-
cant for a job, Il used to be a pro-
fessional hypnotist."
Eyes, since Mr.. Gotrox broke a mir
ror yesterday she is convinced it is
veV unlucky." How superstitious."
mot at all. 1t was a Frenchplate
mirror and cost s40O."
Harry-Blanche says she has insu-
perable reasons for remaining single
Horace-Yes; | know what they are.
Harry-Then she has told you? Hor-
ace-No but I've seen her.
He-I declare, | feel terribly ratified
at the idea of playing in the tourna-
ment before all that crowd. She-Oh,
cheer up-they probably won't know
any more about tennis than you do.
Little Bobby-Say, Pop? Father
Well, well, what is 1t now? Little
Bobby-If a Chinaman speaks broken
English, would a white man speak
broken china? exit Bobby to bed)
what is a mans ideal?' THAT
depends" How do you mean?" why,
before marriage it's the woman he's
going to marry, and after marriage it's
some woman that he didn't marry"
you could call him captain of in
dustry, couldn't your" you could,
but you wouldn't do it IL you we're
wise-at least not to his face. He
thinks he's at least colonel of indus
try"
What dismal feller that man Bigs-
by is" Eyes. What's the matter with
him?" 81 heard he was crossed in
love- us that all? thought he must
O. lost some money ON somethin' Sc
rious."
81 suppose" said the impressionabls
young girl, that you didn't have to
wait long for a husband, Mrs. Sharpe.
mo-" replied Mrs. Sharpe. 81 didn't.
but I do now-till midnight. at least,
and often longer"
Clarence Cautiously y)-Would-er-H
were to ask you to marry me-er-
would you be sure to say "Yes?" Clara
(also cautiously)-Well, If were to
say "Yes"-er-would you be sure to
ask me to-er-marry you?
"Of course" said Mr.. Staylate, there
are some things that always go with
out saying" "Yes, and worse STILL"
interrupted Miss Patience Come yawn-
ing at the clock, there are some 9TH
ers that do just the opposite.
1T will come out all right in time"
he told his wife. Fortune knocks at
every mans door once, and some day
she'll knock at mine" ut won't help
you any" returned his wife. IF For
tune wants to find you she'll have to go
to the club and send in her card"
While waiting in the reception room
for their hostess some visitors were
entertained by that ladys 4-year-old
daughter. One of the callers remarked
to the other. "She is not very p-r-e-t-
t-y." NO" instantly replied the
child, 81 am not very pretty, but /
am very smart"
Young man." said the stern parent,
to the applicant for a job as his SON.
in-law. 81 want you to know that |
spent $4,000 on my daughters educa-
ton" Thanks" rejoined the youth
who was trying to break into the fam
ly circle. Then won't have to send
her to school again"
"Your financial rating is satisfac-
tory" said Mrs. DeSwim to the appli-
cant for her daughters hand in matri-
mony, but I'm not SO sure as to your
lineage." "Oh, I've got lineage from |
way back" rejoined the young man.
I've had a father and mother. two |
sets Of grandparents, four sets Of great
grandparents. eight sets Of"