davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1903-02-02

has experienced in introducing certain
reforms and carrying through measures
upon which his heart was set, has been
due TO this lack Of cooperation on the
part OF his ministers.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1903-02-02
'cNothin' DOM y After the Holidays.

Mother-Johnny, how is it you stand
so much lower in your studies in Janu-
airy than you did in December?
Son-Oh, everything is marked down
after the holidays. you know, mother
Puck.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1903-02-02
Unconsidered Trifles
Mastery Of Modern Tongues.

They tell ne, professor, you have
mastered all the modern tongues"
Well, yes; all but my wife's and her
mother - Pennsylvania Punch Bowl
The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1903-03-19

- The announcement that Professor Peter Stems
of Paris has discovered means Of making the blind
recalls to mind the so-called cures for
maladies, hitherto considered incurable or very
dangerous, which have been announced during the
past year or two There was the violet ray for can
Ger, lemon Juice for typhoid, formalin for blood
poisoning, etc. to say nothing of the usual crop Of
'sure cures for consumption. But notwithstanding
these widely heralded panaceas. stubborn humanity
continues to 90 dying of consumption cancer and
blood poisoning with as much nonchalance as tho
they had never been discovered. Bearing these
things in mind, is tempted to accept Professor
Stems statements with the proverbial grain of salt
The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1903-03-19

WEEK or two ago yarn made the rounds of
the. press, to the effect that American missionary
had been exiled to Siberia for instructng Poles in
the three RS, it being henous ofense, according
to the story, for anybody to teach Pole anything
within the confines of the Russian empire. A few
days later the ukase of the Gar was issued and
to show that haven't very clear idea of Russian
men and things on this of the Atlantic.
For once it will be the Jews who will profit
most by the Cars benevolence and far-sjghtedness
For once they will be given a taste of what life
means to free men; and heaven knows it is about
time The life of free Jewish subject of the Gar
must be singularly like the life of prisoner in
Minnesota The points of resemblance between the
two exstences striking The Russian Jew has
civil rights, and neither has the prisoner he is
locked in the Ghetto at given time at night and
unlocked at given time in the morning, wherein
he has no advantage over the prisoner; he is
it he wants to 60 from one town to another he has
to unwind more red tape than does the prisoner who
takes change OF air writ OF habeas corpus, and
there are other points of similarity. And he must
undergo all this because he desires to worship God
in his own way. It sounds more like the sixteenth
than the twentieth century.
The Cars edict is merely the first step toward
the abolition of such injustice; it will not put
end to religious persecution by any MEANS but it is
step in the right direction In fact it that
at last Russia is preparing to emanate from barba
rism and take place among the civilized nations.
She has lain asleep for centuries, only making her
presence felt in the busy world now and then when
her dreams troubled, but when her real awaken
ing comes and her march undertaken she will be in
position to make such progress her rivals have
never dreamed Of And it begins to look as If the
time for awakening has arrived.
The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1903-03-19

THINGS aesthetic artistic designed for the
city examined and judged by Municipal Art
Commission in New York, and thereby hangs a tale.
The new 81, 100000 Hall of Records, now in course
of construction in Gotham, was conceived under a
Tammany administration. A Tammany administra-
ton let the contracts and commissioned a firm of
Tammany inclined architects to draw the plans.
Tammany, being now temporarily seated on the last
row. the life of the architects of the Hall of Records
is not the golden dream it of yore. The Munich
pal Art Commission has shown disposition to find
fault with designs submitted, and to be 'fnnicky'
This has continued for some time. A few days ago
the architects submitted drawings for mural decora-
tions, pilasters gargoyes, ETC., and the Commission
received and sat upon them in Judgment finally re-
jecting them on the grounds that they we're elm
mature and inartist1c." And the following day the
foxy architects made it known that the rejected
drawings, Immature and inartistic' were exact
copies of the work of Michael Angelo and Leonado
da Vinci in st. Peters at Rome What the members
of the Municipal Art Commission said is not on
record.
The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1903-03-19

It is hard to break oneself of habit, and somehow
people have contracted the habit Of thinking that
men without eyes cannot see OF course this old
idea may prove to be but groundless fallacy but
until Professor Stems actually delivers the goods it
is likely to prevail.
Some philanthropist might confer lasting
benefit on his long suffering fellow creatures by
organizing and endowing Society for the Suppress
It's headquarters could be in Chicago and branch
circles in every city in the civilized world It's badge
might be an arm and club field or, while only
such individuals as hit quick and get away would
be eligible for membership Each member might
be furnished at small cost with an Irish blackthorn,
with which to persuade and moderate over enthusi-
astic medical practitioners and discoveries. The
endowment fund could be used to defend such
members as are arrested for assault and battery.
tuberculosis cancer, blindness, deafness, ct al
are bad enough under any circumstances. but the
plight of the unfortunate whose hopes have been
raised to the skies by the announcement Of "posi-
tive cure for his affection, only to discover later
that he has been made the victim of a premature
announcement, is indeed pitiable That men with
any pretention to scholarship having before them
such examples as Newton and Darwin, can rush into
print with an hypothesis before it has been verified
journals say that the lay press is responsible for most
of the sensational and perhaps it is
in way but investigation usually proves that the
experimentor has either talked too much about his
hopes and expectations else that he has neglected
to refute the absurd stories which he is given credit
for starting In either case, blame attaches to him
The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1903-03-19

The opposition to the placing of Gen. Robert
E. Lees statue in that portion of the Capitol known
as Statuary Hall is just trife ridiculous, the
objection, that it would be unwise to officially honor
who tried to destroy the Government, is just a
trife farfetched The statues in the Hall erected
not by the Government, but by the states, and each
state is at liberty to honor whichever of her sons
she chooses Virginia honors the memory of Lee
and it is probable that she will always honor him;
and such being the there is valid reason why
she should not place his statue in the Capitol If
by so doing she displays questionable TASTE why
that reflects Virginia, not on the nation at large.
And as for waving the "bloody shirt and labelling
Lee traitor, why that is the veriest poppycock If
he was traitor-which he was not in the accepted
sense of the word-t at least cannot be denied that
he kept good company. At any rate, that objection
will scarcely wash at this late date, as statue of
Alexander Stephens, sometime Vice President Of
the Confederacy has stood in Statuary Hall for some
years. One cannot help wondering if statue Of
Grant would have been prohibited in Richmond,
say, if the South had been victorious in the war.
We think not. With all it's virtues, the North has
faults, and not the least of these spirit of
vindictiveness that delights in masking as Justice
The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1903-03-19
ODDS AND ENDS.
BY.
III. j. B.

getting little the best OF it. How
was it done?
Here is one sent in by G. G. He
assures us that it is one of the
questions asked by the Cook
county, ILL.,, civil service examine
ton board:
A has thirty apples which he
wishes to dispose of at the rate of
three for one cent.
B has thirty apples which he
wishes to dispose of at the rate of
two for one cent. Total for both
lots, Is cents.
G agrees to sell both lots. He
puts AS and BIS apples together
and peddles them at the rate Of
five for two cents, which he thinks
is according to their desire three
for one cent and two for one cent
equals five for two cents.
In counting his cash he finds he
is one cent short, having received
but "a cents-12x5=60; 2x12-24
Who lost and how and where was
the shortage?
e & s.
When a man is so troubled with
insomnia that he has not slept in
four weeks, or when he is SO sleepy
that he doesn't know whether he
is living in this week, last week or
next week, he would give a hun
dred and seventeen thousand dol
lars for machine that would pat
him to bed and into the Gland of
nod" in two seconds.
G. E. B. tells the readers of THE
MIRROR that Jaurez, the old Paso
del Norte of Mexico, is pronounced
wares" We use to hear it pro-
nounced "wau-ress," with the &C
cent on the first syllable. Beg
pardon.
Answer to query: Which are the
lightest men-Scotchmen, Irish
men or Englishmen?
In Ireland there are men of
Cork, in Scotland men of Ayr, but
in England on the Thames, there
are lighter-men.
When a man has SO much bust
ness on Sunday mornings that he
forgets to put red or yellow ticket
in his door what should be DONE
quit business, hire clerk, or move
to Rochester? Some one please
solve.
David Kapho acknowledgements,
postmaster at Keokea, island of
Maue, Hawaii, has resigned be-
cause the salary of two dollars q
year is smaller than his name and
is not sufficient to keep him since
it is no longer fashionable to eat
missionaries in that country.
What is it that a young lady
looks for but doesn't wish to find?
Two Kansas prisoners who were
sentenced to be hanged in 1880,
but whose sentences were COM
muted to life imprisonment, have
just been pardoned, their innocence
having been established after %
years.
When nights sleep is all
chopped up into little pieces and
all these pieces are running races
with lot of unpleasant dreams
the whole performance is about as
hard work as saving wood with a
dull saw.
s =
Alphonse and CASTOR have so
many thrilling, knocked-into- the
middle-of-next-week experiences
it's a wonder thew don't oat killed
The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1903-03-19

buben of the Los Angeles Herald
sends the following letter:
Berhaps you half peen nodising
dot dere iss a goot deals oof
droobles down dere in Soud
America. As a gread menny oof
our landsmen are lifting down dere
id bass caused me to pc Watching
der developmentings unit der ladest
despatchings py der delegraffs
from der sittings oof der vars.
Down dere py Venezuela menny
dousands oof Chermans are all der
dimes lifting unit obey as veil as
der Chermans watt are in dies
coundry lifting are full mitt sur
brises apoud der policies oof der
kaiser. All Chermans are hating
a certainly amoundings of bride in
dhere oft Faderlandt unit are always
expectationing gread unit kindness
actionings from der gread kaiser.
Howeffer, vonce We away from der
oft coundry are lifting unit We are
unter new conditionings coming,
We are not wanting our businesses
unit our families unit things broken
GOD Nv der kaiser or ennv pOttv
else.
Berhapps you half nodised dott
der prominently Cherman resi-
denters oof Venezuela half politely
refused to pc acceptationing der
invitationings oof der Cherman
officers to pc eading mitt dem on
der varships watt half peen shood-
ing at dem unit CHARGING der deHl
oud oof dem. In dies way dey half
peen glatt to pc hating chanct
to show dhere Disappointing oof
der way dey half peen shotted at
py dher own coundrymen in der
coundry vat dey half adoptioned.
Dose oof our landsmen vat half in
der Cherman armee peen survng
are alretty knowing how anxiously
der officers are for droubles look
ing. Id bass peen now apoud dirty
years since dey half participationed
in emmy seriously vars unit all dey
are wanting now is a chanel for
actionings. Der kaiser ISIS very
broud oof hees men vat can marsch
unit run for weeks at a dime offer
der fields unit hills mitt only
handt full oof grup to get fat on.
Chermany bass all der derritory
in der vorlt vat she can pc atten-
tioning unit if Onkel Sam ISIS
standing oop for bees rights dher
will pc no droobles oof emmy kindt
vat will draw heem into vars. Der
kaiser ISIS hating a sveldt headt.
now bud he knows dott if he ISIS
getting too freshly mitt Onkel Sam
he will pc waxing oop some morn
inks nitt a very badt cases oof
katsenjammer> He bass almost
peen toldt to take hees presendts
back as We are nodt wanting hees
monumentals venn he ISIS drying
so hardt to pc schmardt.
Elem in Chermany dere are good
menny people vat are societies
formationings on der quiedt vat
dondt want emmy droobles NIT der
Americans. Dies are mostly der
peoples vat are hating relations
ofer hier. Dey dond want Cher
many to dry to make us oud
schmall bier. Dey are gladt to
half der kaiser respection der Mon
roe preachings. I like to hear
from you on dies subject unit be
finding oud vat our friends py
Milwaukee are dinking apoud i'd.
Nit kindly regardings I am re-
naming, affectionmently, Your
Chump.
Charlie Won Spitzbuben.
s > 3
A. I. B., who writes funny things
in the Kilograms column, sends
in this one: A farmer died and
The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1903-03-19
n o ! | G &.

ALL PERSONS receiving copies of THE MIRROR who are
regular lists will please consider such as
sample reading, conclude that THE
MIRROR worthy Of patronage send your name to this
Office trial subscription at rates published above
The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1903-03-19

That erstwhile jovial and genial writer James
L. Ford has been suffering from bad attack of
indigestion lately He has bearing down sensations,
pains in the back and all kinds of symptoms, and
has sought relief in writing series of articles for
weekly paper. The subject he has chosen is the
worship of the brazen calf" which is his name for
the dedication Of New York's -Four Hundred' A
foreigner reading Mr.. Ford's jeremiads would be
forced to the conclusion that all Americans are
hopeless snobs and that most of them live in second
rate boarding houses, denying themselves the ne
cessties of life twenty nine days in the month that
they may eata meal in the gaudy dining room Of
the "Nicke Pluch'' hotel on the thirtieth. And in
forming such conclusion our foreign friend would
be justified, but grievously mistaken. There are
plenty of brainless asses, male and female in Ameri-
ca, but the particular breed that browses on the
society columns of the Sunday papers is in the
minority AS simon pure democracy the United
States won't assay very strong the inhabitants have
come, for the most part, from the old world and
have brought with them old world notions of
class distinctions. These notions have been as
simulated and some American ideals have suffered
in consequence but the worship of Harry Lehr and
the rest of his tribe has not yet become national
failing Mr.. Ford impresses one as lacking per-
spective.
The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1903-03-19

THE weekly the Minnesota State
Prison. and edited and
to encourage
prisoners acquant
public disseminate pathological
prejudice which has been
The paper entirely
financial support at time there
surplus would be expended
Interests of the prison library
Water Valley progress., 1903-05-16
CAUSES BIG LOSSES.
Which Should he Fought with
Great vfgor.

This little insect (Bruchus pisi, Linn. y
is a species which occurs somewhat
commonly in peas. It's presence is too
frequently overlooked, or regarded as
OF comparatively little Importance,
and those planting few peas or even
growing them on considerable scale
pay little or no attention to whether
the seed is infested by this insect or
not. AS matter of fact this subject
is of considerable Importance, particu-
larry in Canada, where the species has
caused enormous losses in recent
Water Valley progress., 1903-05-16

the appearance of her teats. Many
methods can be used to prevent cows
doing this. Perhaps as good way as
any is to put halter upon her and
surcingle around her just back OF
the shoulders. Then procure stick
about three feet. four inches long for
an ordinary cow--a piece of an old
fork handle makes a good one. Bore
half inch hole through each end of
it SO small rope or cord can be run
through it and fasten one end to
the halter ring under the chin and
the other bring between the legs to
the snrcingle. She can feed with this
and have free use of her head, but
cannot reach her udder with her
nose.-C. D. Smead, v. S., in N. Y.
Tribune-Farmer.
Water Valley progress., 1903-05-16
DOCTOR OR MILKMANs z
An Illustrative Instance Of the Per-
versity Of some simpie.Minded
Patients.

One Of the hardest blows to the profess
sional pride OF physicians and surgeons is
the excess of wisdom on ali such subjects
possessed by the world at large, says the
New York Times A surgeon tells OF cas-
where he recently set broken arm The
operation was successful and the splints
had been removed The surgeon advised
his patient to leave off the bandages and
manipulate the injured member at inter-
walls.
just as the doctor was leaving the house
the milkman arrived on his rounds, and
missing the splints, said to the patient:
You'll take cold in that arm. You ought
to keep it bandaged."
A few days later the surgeon called again
and found that the patient, who had fol-
lowed the milkman's warning, complained
of soreness in the arm and said Doctor,
think you've botched it,"
The doctor, observing the bandages still
on the arm, remarked; And whose ADVICE
man'sy
Water Valley progress., 1903-05-16

gears, and unless repressiye measures
are adopted or in force it may cause
much damage in the United States.
Aside from the direct injury, it is a
well established fact that peas infested
by this species have not the CONNER
cial value of clean seed, since as de-
termined by DR.. Fletcher, only IL to 20
per cent. of the infested ones will
germinate. This means that where the
weevil is at all abundant in the seed.
one-half to four-fifths of it may be
worthless, and purchasers will do well
to bear this in mind. The sowing OF
this seed not only results in smaller
than normal number of plants but also
aids the propagation of the insect, and
it is very probable that great many
of these pests are eaten in the green
peas, which latter is not agreeable to
contemplate.
since it is confined to one food plant.
namely, peas, and hibernates either
within the seed or in sheltered places.
If the peas for seed purposes are har-
vested early, promptly threshed and
treated with carbon bisulphide, none
of the insects will be able to survive:
and DR.. Fletcher states that even if the
peas be tightly enclosed in paper
bag, the weevils will be unable to es-
cape from their prison. and if the seed
be held over until the second wear.
which may be done without injuring its
terminating powers, all the weeyils
will die, and consequently there will
be no danger of the species propagate
ing.
This simple method involves little or
no additional expense, and if the large
growers of seed peas will in turn coop
crate and fumigate all of their stock,
there should be comparatively little or
no trouble from the species in future
years. 1t would undoubtedly be good
business policy for growers of peas to
print on each package statement to
the effect that the seed has been prop
erly fumigated, and buyers are urged
to insist upon this treatment, or to ap-
ply it to seed before it is planted. Fl.
P. Felt, N. Y. State Entomologist. in
Country Gentleman.
Water Valley progress., 1903-05-16

Thousands of aching backs have been
relieved and cured. People are
learning that backache pains come
from disordered Kidneys, that Doan's
Kidney Pills cure every Kidney ill
cure Bladder troubles, urinary de-
rangements, Dropsy, Diabetes,
Bright's disease.
Read this testimony to the merit
of the greatest of Kidney specifics:
J.. w. Walls, Superintendent of
Streets of Lebanon, Kentucky, living
on East Main Street in that city,
says:
with my nightly rest broken, ow-
ing to irregularities of the kidneys,
suffering intensely from severe pains
in the small of my back and through
the kidneys, and apnoyed by painful
was anything but pleasant for me.
No amount of doctoripg relieved this
condition, and for the reason that
nothing seemed to give me even tenn
porary relief, became about dis
couraged. One day noticed in the
newspapers the case of man who
was afflicted as was and was cured
by the use of Doan's Kidney Pills.
Ills words of praise for this remedy
were so sincere that on the strength
of his statement went to the Hugh
Murrey Drug Co.'s store and got a
box. found that the medicine was
exactly as powerful a kidney remedy
as represented. I experienced quick
and lasting relief. Doan's Kidney
pills will prove blessing to all suf-
ferers from kidney disorders who will
give them fair trial.
A FREE TRIAL of this great kid
ney medicine which cured Mr.. Walls
will be mailed to any part of the
United States on application. Ad-
dress Foster-Alilburn Co., Buffalo, N
Y. For sale by all druggists; price
SO cents per box.
Water Valley progress., 1903-05-16
A POINT OF ENGLISH.
Trenchman VINO Presented Reason
able Excuse for Not Unde rstand-
ing Our Language.

A Frenchman recently propounded
through the columns of the Liverpool Daily
Post a problem which may not be without
interest for Americans. At any rate, it in
wolves principle of rhetoric which ought
not to be disregarded, says the Springfield
Mass Republican.
Il amin Liverpool since month"; writes
the French gentleman, 'and / saw many
things the which l stupefy; but of these
this most amaze me. On your tramcars one
writes: Passengers are requested not to
board or leave the car while in motion
Board / comprehend not. My friend say
it is aborder to go on ship, therefore one me
demanded not to 60 on car and not 60 of
whilst in motion. How can that be? see
thousand passengers since four weeks go
on and off car, but they all 60 whilst in
motion. Shall one explicate how passen-
gers whilst not in motion have power to
90 on and off a carr"
Water Valley progress., 1903-05-16
S. :z:sssEs ;:;.E'ls'7z
VETERINARY ADVICE.
To Kick and How to Cure Self
Sucking Habit.


There is "a question as to the cause
of COW kicking. 1t, as rule, is
caused by harsh milking, and whole
lot of people, I regret to say, have
never learned to milk a cow with
comfort to the COW; and the result is
she resents by kicking. 1t is possi-
BILE you may hurt this COW when you
attempt to milk her. Again, there
are cows that object to being milked
by men. In cases of that kind, let
kindness be the prime factor in treat
ing her and never try the boot and
milking stool for curry comb; but
curry her by gentle hand strokes and
give her bit of wheat bran or some
other food she may relish. If she
then resents, keep cool. Procure a
piece of half inch rope and put it
around her body just forward of the
udder, draw it tightly and tie with
a single bow knot and she will not
lift foot to kick. But do this kind
ly, and when taken off pet her and
she will nine times out of ten soon
love to have you milk her instead of
dreading your presence.
Second-As regards her sucking
herself; you are not certain of that,
think. You can, however, tell by