davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Savannah morning news., 1903-09-06
THE GENIAL IDIOT.
tSsme Tzas&ly Hints for the Benefit of College
Graduates.
JOHN KENDRICK BANGS.
Copyright, 1903, by John Russell Davidson

This is a sad and solemn period of
the year for some people, and for the
time being I would rather be a donkey
engine on a canal boEt than a college
graduate of last June's vintage" OBJ
served the Idiot, unfolding his napkin
and scrutinizing the various objects of
food upon the table. Mary bring me
bushel of those liliputian saratoga
chips that men call Force. 1 would
infuse a little sunshine into my sys-
tenn this gloomy morning"
You don't want to eat too much
of that cereal." put in the Doctor.
You're bit too gay as you are"
II know 1 DON'T" said the Idiot.
"And not wanting to, shan't. Make
it a peck, Mary"
Il should like to know why you'd
rather be a donkey. engine on a canal
boat than a college graduate of last
sping," said Mr. Pedagogue, at
strikes me that is a most extraordinary
choice"
Il guess he's been sizing himself up
and knows what he's fit for" sug-
gested Mr.. Brief, sarcastically.
Guess again. Have another fit"
said the Idiot, buttering the Poets muf-
fin by mistake. Il haven't been sizing
myself up--it's bad thing to do.
When ! do any sizing at all, size my
self down. 1t leaves you a bigger mar
gin to speculate on. But replying to
your inquiry, Mr.. Pedagogue, which
was so rudely intruded upon by our
Attorney General here, I'd rather be a
donkey engine on a canal boat these
days than a freshly minted bachelor of
arts because the donkey engine has Il
steady job, knows what he can do, and
does it. while the fledgling B.A. has
come down off the high horse he has
been riding for four years, and is fly
ing from pillar to post and from post
back to pillar again looking for some
thing to do. AS each day of this hal
cyon month passes. and his chances for
being asked to accept $4,000 salary as
the head OF a trust company grow Wis
IDLY less, he becomes eorrespondingly
depressed, and along about the middle
OF September, he begins to ask himself
II life 1t worth living after all"
You draw a gloomy picture OF the
young mans condition" said Mr.. Peda-
gogue. For my part. l don't believe
he Is so badly on There is plenty OF
work to be done In this world"
Heaps said the Idiot. But the
work ~ already being done. and when
II comes 10 finding a place the young
man who can crate beautifully upon
The Influence Of the Italian Ronais-
sance T'pon Chinese Art and who can
converse nuently IN a22 of fhe s.653,4i2
Ary0n languages isn't ~ II with the
chap who doesn't know the difference
between the Pons Asin0rum and an
automobile. but who can wash windows,
The Savannah morning news., 1903-09-06

Very interesting" said Mr.. White
choker. And what did Mr. Bilker do?
Write a polite letter declining the posi-
tion?"
Not he," said the Idiot HE gave
1T to his son, Jack Bilker, Jr., who had
just taken his degrees at the University
of Magenta and sent him down to get
the place. He got it, and begins work
tomorrow"
Il shouldn't think a man with $780,
100000 would want his son to take a
position of that kind" said Mrs. Peda-
gogue.
'Oh, yes, indeed" said the Idiot. IT'S
exactly what he did want. Living on
the income of $40, 200, 900 is very expen-
sive business, Mrs. Pedagogue, and even
the millianaire in these days cannot af-
ford to sneeze at a IS bill"
There must be something wrong with
our system if well instructed youth
willing and able to work, cannot Sc
cure employment" said Mr.. Pedagogue
Such condition of affairs would soon
give a black eye to the cause of edu-
cation"
1T is not the fault of our system. !"
observed the Idiot. TITS the fault IF
our colleges, mainly, and incidentally
OF the boys themselves. 1 wonder some
times why, when the Educational Con-
gress meets in Boston we do not hear of
papers by our college presidents on this
particular subject. They discuss Latin
and Greek, and Five Minute Coursee
and Should Seniors Be Spanked ana
thlngs like that, but What Shall We
10 TO Get the Boys a Job?' seems to
nave escaped the eagle eyes of DR.
t1aoIey President Eliot and Dr. Nicho
las murray Butler. 1 wish they'd ask
me to one of their conferences iust
once. I'd give EN- a talk on What Is
Our Duty TO the Kid that would OPEN
their eyes" ~
Just think of the Idiot speaking be-
Tore that Boston crowd" sneered the
Bimliomaniac.
Harvard would probably give him
an LID. for his wondrous contribution
70 the cause of education" said Mr..
Brief. Then we should hear of DR.
Idiot the probable successor to Dr.
Eliot. tell you"
Don't tell us-please," said the ID
lot You draw such an alluring pict-
ure of the future that you might tempt
me TO give up trying to unload the
ponds OF the United States Panama
nat company upon an unsuspectins-
PUBIC ana announce myself definitely
as a candidate for the presidency of
Yale or Harvard
You might write a letter to the
newspapers embodying your views on
the subject, however" said Mr.. White
choker. who was visbly interested.
/ shall never waste any of my ideas
upon the desert correspondence col
unln, returned the Idiot. I'D rather
put EN- somewhere where they'll be
read-in the last chapter of a romantic
novel or in the advertising pages of a
magazine"
You're so coy about saying what
they are observed Mr.. Brief. that |
don't believe you've got any views on
the subject"
Yes. / have" said the idiot And
They're simple. They are summed up In
the Injunction Teach the Boys How 10
40 Something Doesn't make any dir
ference what IL Is az long as It's some
ming, The reason why most do ex-
cept read Latin al sight, and that isn't
much help IN the dry goods business,
ana even q most intimste knowledge
~ she minute details 81 the Seven
Iesnlh Punie War isn't going % get
The Savannah morning news., 1903-09-06

when it comes to getting his name on
a payroll"
The poet sighed
I'm afraid you are right, there" he
said. 1T was that very experience
that drove me to writing poetry. When
was graduated at Blue Haven, 1 start
ed in to get something to do, and at the
end of six months had my name on the
eligible list of about four hundred
places, but that was the last l heard
of st."
so you took up poetry to pay your
poor but honest bills?'' said the Idiot.
Il had to do something" said the
poet alphabetically.
And nobody blames you," said the
Idiot. There's no telling 1yhat some
OF us may come to yet. You might
have taken to drink which in my hum
bic judgment is worse than writing poe
try" :
Probably would have, if he'd had the
money sneered Mr.. Brief.
It's the same old story year after
year" said the Idiot. Times haven't
changed in twenty years That thing
business men call the eligible list on
which they place the names of all am
bilious Bachelors of Arts who apply
for work, is the finest cemetery for un-
developed talent in all creation. Get
your name on it once and GabriePs
trump itself won't get it off, except
in very rare instances. Take the case
of my friend Jack Bilker, for instance.
He was in my class in college. way
back III 1885, and when commencement
time came he was our valedictorian.
He was beyond all question, present
company excepted, the cleVerest man
in the class. In the fall he went the
rounds looking for a job, and got his
name on sixty eligible lists, but moth
ing more. Then, disguised, he went to
South America and married the daugh
ter o? a rich Brazilian whose brother
had been a class-mate of his. The old
father-in-law died few years later
leaving all his money to his two chill
dren, and in 1893 Bilker came back tn
New York with his. $1O,000O0O wife
Years passed and by careful invest
ment of his wife's fortune he ran il IN
to something like 500 600 900, and what
do YOU think happened to him last
week."
Lost 1t all on Wall street" sug-
gested the Bibliomaniac.
No, sir. He got a letter" said the
Idiot. "A letter from one Of the firms
IN New York 20 whom he applied
twenty years ago for a Job. saving
that they had at last found an open-
ing for him. and II he could bring
good references and would call al me
Office the following Monday they would
give him a place IN the packing az.
partment al 81 per week. He's the only
man IN mg experience Whos-eyer got
on that eligible LIST. and it took Nm
just twenty wears. three months ana
nNs days 20 % g."
The Savannah morning news., 1903-09-06

do for the human body.
Tree work will not alone produce
muscle; it will promote self-reliance;
it will confer agility and litheness. In
addition, the rough and tumble por-
ton of the exercise will work i'm
mense benefit by inverting the body,
wholly or in part, and thus sending
the blood bounding to parts that re-
quire a reinforced blood supply at
times. but seldom get it. This is par
ticularly true of the head. Hang by
your legs for few moments, and when
you resume your normal position you
will find that it's unusual blood supply
has cleared the brain wonderfully. So
with other parts of the body.
To do tree work properly it is not
necessary to wear a dress suit. A pair
of old, but strong trousers, an outing
shirt and rubber-soled slippers COM
pose the most appropriate outfit. Dress
ed in this manner you will not be like
ly to have your mind distracted by a
sudden rent in trousers or shirt.
The four exercises described are but
samples of many exhilarating move
ments that can be studied out with
little or no apparent effort. Indeed,
after a few days of scrambling about
a thousand and one different exercises
will occur to the mind
Limit the exercise by no rule other
than the approach of WEAKNESS. And
don't become discouraged over a skin
ned arm or shin. Good, pure blood
such as is obtained by tree work, soon
brings new shins.
1. The Drawing Up Exercise-Search
out convenient and strong limb just
beyond your reach and jump for and
get a firm hold on it. Then, keeping
the feet straight towards the ground,
try to raise up the body by the power
of the hands and place the chin over
the limb. In like manner raise the
the abdomen.
After these exercises have been ex-
ecuted until WEAKNESS results, spring
The Savannah morning news., 1903-09-06
FALL TAILOR
EFFECTS TO SUIT
TRIM FIGURES
The Autumn Suits Are Trying to
Many FigureS--The Woman
Who DROPS Will Do Well to
Avoid the More Extreme Styles.
BY HARRIET HAwLEY.

But" said the middle-aged Ameri-
glanced down. the long room full of
models, "these tailor suits require a
perfect figure to look WE'LL"
Madam" the modist insinuated
gently, sin these days every woman
has a perfect figure"
His statement is a trihe overdrawn,
but it is nevertheless true that in these
days of physical culture, massage and
correct corset making every woman
should have a trim figure.
The fall tailored suits will be trying
to many women. however. That is to
say, the strictly tailored ones. They
are too straight and stiff, too mannish
and uncompromising to find favor with
the woman who affects a dropping
pose. But she who has an erect fig
ure and a regal carriage can rejoice
for every one of her good points will
tell. The trim, single-breasted, tight
fitting. long -slirted coats win give her
an effect of elegant simplicity.
The selection of the material for her
tailored suit will be an easy task for
milady, for it must lie among a few
weaves and fabrics. Broadcloth and
other smooth finish silk and wool mix
lures are but questionable echoes of
past seasons. In their place the ruling
favorites are shot effects in cheviots.
heavy weight homespuns, and rough
finish zibelines and shaggy camei's
hair. Black. blue. brown, green and
gray shot with white are the favorite
color combinations. but black and
white has Z long lead ln popular ia
vor.
This Is not the lrst seanon that the
manufacturer and mollEts have en-
dea yore8 ~ bring zlD@i.re into favor
But 81 y safe ~ rTe1fet fkaf this year
viii scoFe auCtner failure. Zee wearing
qualities are nole - ne a~et. - an
experience E4aesrel lr M ~ me
largest lrnrg4fl n 1ogees exglHlns-1
"ZibeHne ~ og1r3 NJ r.s ~ ssF Gorn
after 4 coIrie N rsav rFf ece enc
more eKpeUf.gf tEr TreeF .re r1rF ~
ru0s. The canetE l1lrf are mi f-fh
better, 49, f4r ~ fre ofE ns4f9 ea-
rieties go"
II might be- just ~ Wea ~ gff 1stl
20 this word 81 warning 5.f fEfrf arf
many women who Htll legafIsas cfefsr
20 try for themselyea.
~ 10 the length ~ TIE iong Hfvrf
COATS, there seems 10 b. q Dreffg gen
orally accepted rule. a nofel nsr
aalior explained "a when le eatd
The cost should reach .4at ~ tbe
The Savannah morning news., 1903-09-06

to the ground on the toes and with
the knees bent. When you are rested
recover the limb with the hands, and
this time practice drawing up and
throwing the legs over the limb,
singly and together, inside and out
side the space of the hands, and
bringing yourself to a sitting posture.
Each and all of the various move
ments are fine for the whole uppet
part of the body. the arms and Shout
ders being especially developed, while
the lung power is materially increased.
Figure l shows how the body is
drawn up to the chin or to stomach"
the limb. The legs are thrown over
the limb from the same position.
IL Hanging by the Knees.-Climb
up the tree trunk to suitable limb
and sit on it, with the legs dangling.
Holding on with hands, gradually let
the upper part of the body hang down
until the limb is in the crotch of the
knees. Then, when the legs have
firm hold on the limb, loosen the
hands and remain in this position for
a few moments.
When you have become accustomed,
after several trials, to this inverted
position, attempt, by the power of the
abdominal muscles alone, to raise up
Tic DOOy 81 Illdl the IldlluS Cdil grasp
the limb again.
The exercise can be varied by sway
ing the body backward, forward and
sidewise. 1t is splendid for the legs
and the abdominal region. The value
of the blood rushing to the head and
the chest cannot be overeStimated. 1t
is a condition that rarely occurs in
civilized life, much to the detriment
of the human system.
A good neck exercise can be Sc
cured while the body is inverted by
turning the head with the body as it
sways, and by lifting the head up and
trying to look backward at the heels
The heels will not be seen, but the
muscles of the front part of the neck
will be benefcially stretched.
The Savannah morning news., 1903-09-06

Figure 2 shows the first position for
the exercise.
III. Limb Travelling Grab a con-
venient limb on either side. with the
hands close together, preferably touch
ing. Draw up and interlock the legs
over the limb. Then, keeping the legs
in the original position, travel hand
over hand away from them until the
body can be outstretched no more.
(Figure 3D. After retaining this posi-
ton for a few moments travel back
until the hands almost touch the knees.
While the body is outstretched fire.
quently draw UP the arms until chest
and head touch the limb.
The entire exercise upbuilds the front
of the chest. the back of the legs and
the hands and arms generally.
". Limb Climbing.-Climb the
tree to a handy limb. Walk out on 1t.
get on your knees and. grab it with
your hands placed by the knees. Then
the legs their full length, supporting
the body by the arms and the stomach
(Figure A. When the position is tIrm-
ly secured, clear the stomach Of the
limb and allow the body to sag by
bending the arms. at first a little. and
later on to their fullest extent. Thon
push up until the arms are straight
once more.
While this is one of the everest ex-
ercises that can be done in a tree. It
is yet one of the best. Scarcely any
thing excels it for building up the
shoulders and putting them in proper
position. 1t is equally beneficial to the
back of the arms and all the muscles
between the shoulder and the neck.
Care should be taken not to select
too high limb for this exercise. Its
severity might cause the novice to lose
his hold. and even though leaf-covered
ground is an excellent mat. it would
not prevent the novice falling from a
considerable hight getting a good
shaking I'D.
The Savannah morning news., 1903-09-06

copyright. 1908, by Anthony Barker.)
If everyone would climb trees and
take care not to get on rotten limbs,
there would be less need of doctors. A
strong tree is natures most complete
gymnasium, and the handiwork of
man has not been able to improve on
The Savannah morning news., 1903-09-06

it. It offers an outdoor and hot
weather system of physical culture
that cannot be excelled.
Everything that can be done in an
artificial gymnasium for upbuilding
the body can be executed in a tree,
and the best oxygen in the world can
The Savannah morning news., 1903-09-06

be got besides. The parallel and hori-
zontal bars, the trapeze, the climbing
rope, the ladder, the vaulting horse,
the flying rings, the pulling and lift
ing machines and balancing and
stretching apparatus-all are repre-
scented in the tree. And further, the
The Paducah sun. [volume] (Paducah, Ky.) 1898-1906, 1903-12-26
GBOUT PEOPLE.

Adult ftOfLE.
Mrs. f. N. Gardner, Sr left yester-
day for st. Louis.
Miss Marism Pitcher, of Richmond,
Va. is visiting Mrs. Thon~s wilhoyte
DIR. Il. T. Sutherland, OF Chicago,
is in the city for several days visit
Miss Carrie Norman, of Fulton, is
visiting Ter sister. Mrs. W. II. Hamil-
ton.
Mr. Walter wilkins arrived yester-
day morning from Dallas, Tex, for q
visit
Mr.. and Mrs. Charles Curtis OF st.
Louis, arrived Yesterday to visit Mr.
John Burnett and wife.
Stationman Ike Hollowell left today
for Nashville. Tenn. sad Lebsnou,
Ky, to spend Christmas.
Mr.. Harry Pinson, Of the Rhodes
Burford establishment, left today for
Terre Haute. Ind, to visit relatives
Miss Abbie williams, OF Cairo. is
visiting her parents Captain and Mrs.
Mike williams, OF Third and Madison
streets
Mr.. Is. b. Smith, Of Lexington,
Ky, is visiting his brother, Mr.. A.
h Smith. of the Rhodes Burford es-
Enlistment
Mr.. Joseph Williams is home from
college near Bardstown, Ky, to spend
Christmas with his parents, Captain
and Mrs Mike Williams.
Mr.. and Mrs. Louis Henneberger of
Mt. Vernon. ILL.,, are spending the
holidays with the formers sister, Mrs.
Lou Herring and Miss Lena Henneber-
ger.
Miss Fannie Singleton of the South
Kentucky college OF Hopkinsville. ar
rived last evening TO spend the holi-
DAYS with the family OF her brother,
Colonel Gus G.. Singleton.
Mr.. Harvey G.. Bachman and family
OF Central City, Ky, are visiting Rev.
George o. Bschman, during the holt
days. Mr.. Baohmsn is manager Of the
East Tennessee Telephone company,
at the above place
The Paducah sun. [volume] (Paducah, Ky.) 1898-1906, 1903-12-26
Inspector Ludwig Has Com
pleted His Annual Report.
Nearly Six Thousand Children EN-
ployed in Kentucky Factories
$3.50 Of Them Illiterate.
800 FACTORIES IN THE STATE

The report of the State Factory In
spector Andrew B. Ludwig, for the
past year, has been presented to the
commissioner of labor and agriculture.
During the year Mr.. Ludwig has visit
ed every factory in the state, which
employs child labor, and has made .
strong effort to secure the enforcement
Of the state law which prohibit chill.
dren under fourteen years Of age work
ing in the factories unless they receive
q permit from the county judge. The
report. which is brief, shows:
Cities and Towns Thirty
one east of Frankfort and 26 west of
Frankfort; total 81.
Inspections-Eight hundred and six
ty-nine factories, mills and workshops.
Boys and Girls Employed-Boys
8, 7s6, girls 2,O52; total 5.s1s.
Factories Not Employing Children
Three hundred and thirty -one.
Factories Not Employing Boys
Three hundred and ninety five fscto
ries do not employ boys.
Factories Not Employing Girls
Six hundred and ninety-five factorie.
do not employ any girls.
Various Industries-Three cotton
mills employ 449 children; wooden
mills employ gao; worsted mill EN-.
ploys 400; cordage and Irvine mills
employ 1874; 2 hsmp mills employ Sc
knitting mill employs 35; 10 mills
and factories employ a total of l,144
children.
Tobacco Industries-Twenty -four
plug and smoking tobacco factories
employ 4s5 children; 30 tobacco stem.
meries employ 54S /; 80 tobacco re-
handling plants employ s5s; "a tobac-
co plants employ total of less.
Cigar Faotories-Twenty-on cigar
factories employ 296 children.
The Paducah sun. [volume] (Paducah, Ky.) 1898-1906, 1903-12-26
A BOY SHOT.
SOMEONE ON AN. O. & ST.
TRAIN SHOT HIM ACOI-
DENTALLY.

Joseph Flasch, Of Lexington, Tenn. !,
aged Is years, was shot in an unusual
manner on an N. o. & st. L. train
Thursday night. He was in the coach
near a closet when someone in the
closet fred a pistol twice and one Of
the bullets passed through the thin
wood and buried itself in the boys
leg. In the excitem ent among the
passengers the man in the closet
escaped and although Trainmaster Joe
Rork, Of Paduoah, WAS aboard and
made an effort to find someone with .
pistol, no fire arms were discovered.
II is supposed the man threw the piston
out the window.
The Paducah sun. [volume] (Paducah, Ky.) 1898-1906, 1903-12-26
INSURANCE FOR YEAR
INDICATIONS ARE THAT THERE
WILL BE HEAVY LOSS IN
PADUOAH.

Stamp Deputy O. o. Rose will not
have his report of insurance in Pa
duoah ready for several days yet. ~
he has to wait for the last policy on
the lsst day before he can complete IL.
From present indications, however,
the losses will amount to about el60, =
900, and the premiums will be about
$4,000.
This will mean larger loss to in
sursnoe companies than might appear.
as out of the si1O, 900 must come all
the expenses of the companies, includ-
ing agents, commissions, licenses,
etc.
The Paducah sun. [volume] (Paducah, Ky.) 1898-1906, 1903-12-26
SUIT TO GUST MAYOR.

Council Bluffs, Ia, Dec. 26.-Mayor
Dell @. Morgan has been cited to an
swer to suit instituted in the district
court to Dust him from office on q
charge Of corruption, maladministra-
ton in office snd.of having had q CON-
paot with gambling houses to afford
them police protection. The suit ID
brought in the name Of S. Il. wads'
worth, an attorney.
The Paducah sun. [volume] (Paducah, Ky.) 1898-1906, 1903-12-26
Observation-Disclosures
Clothing

Clothing Unsatisfactory. ii We
clothing factories employ 800 chill
dren; 10 pants factories employ 119; 3
skirt factories employ as; 81 clothing
factories employ a total Of 494.
Furniture, Carriage, Wagon, Saw
and Plsning Mills Twenty -one furni.
ture factories employ 1871 children; 1 1
carriage factories employ 1876; s wsg-
on factories employ 90; 26 planning
mills employ 1871; II saw and veneer
mills employ 1877; S3 factories and
mills employ a total of 636 children.
Box Factories-Twelve box fscto-
ries employ 200 children.
Cooperage and Stave Mills-Eleven
cooper shops and 8 stave mills employ
119 boys.
Shoe Fsctories-Eight shoe factories
employ ls1 children.
Tile works-Three tile works
employ los children.
Iron, Wire and Tin Industries
Three iron works employ SO children
wire nail works employ 80; tin
tags, etc., works employ Al; 6 facto-
ries employ total of 179 children.
Candy Factories-Four candy facto.
ries employ l79 children.
Harness and Collar Shops-Four.
teen harness and saddlery shops EN-
ploy 105 children; 8 collar shops EN-.
ploy Ia; II shops employ total of
119 children.
The foregoing industries. 1913 in
number, employ 4,S93 children, or Q
majority of all employed, leaving 92C
children employed in the RENE lining
210 factories.
Average Daily Wages-For boys
66 1sc for girls, 500.
Boys and Girls Operating Machin
ery-Boys 55a, girls 72o; total 1,272.
Children Discharged-One Thousand
and forty-four children were dis
charged by factory owners in compli
ance with the law before the inspector
called; s07 were removed by the in
spectors; $50 sworn statements wer,
demanded for doubtful children; 81
were unable to furnish sworn state
ment, and were discharged total of dis
charged 2122.
Six hundred and eighty-four per
mits were granted by county judges t,
children under fourteen years of age
Total number of illiterate children
CSC.
Total nnuber Of facories working a
night 219.
Accidents-Fatal IL, serious 60
slight 227; total 300.