Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1903-10-05
HARD LUCK STORIES
QUEER" COMMUNICATIONS In
PUBLIC ARCHIVES.
Pension Office the Recipient Of the
Greater Number-Peculiar
Vein of Thought.

The average tale that is told in the Off
cial papers that drift into the government
archives by the thousands daily Is what
has come to be known as a human in
terest story" There are dreary wastes OF
platitude and heaviness. wearisome monot-
ony and hard luck stories galore. But
amidst all these and relieving the tedium
of the rest are bright bits of unconscious
humor. sharp sallies of wit and expressions
strikingly original and funny. Strange as
1t may seem the great bulk of the queer"
papers among the official documents reaches
the pension bureau, that great natural
mecca of the stories of pathos and suffer-
ing. The veterans have way of writing
epigrammatic letters on occasion, and OF
drifting into the late President Lincolns
habit OF illustrating points by anecdotes
culled from personal experiences The fol-
lowing from man. who is something of
fatalist III his way. will show peculiar
vein of thought and expression:
Il Alwase Been Pug1ecan Party.
Il AlwaSe Saciated with it.
Il Been turned Down by it.
II Reed nv Bibel
Il find from it hel is doomed.
Il am also doomed.
Il SpoaS | must go to the Boanard.
Il must cloaS.
Down in old Missouri lives a veteran
who evidently regards the receipt of an
official letter from Washington a mark
of distinction and Importance. Presumably
he wanted to show the answer to his neigh
bors as an earnest of his close relation to
the powers that be in Washington and this
is what he wrote to the commissioner of
pensions. ad literatim and in toto:
Dear Ser-I haven't got nothn es-
peshel to write about but just thote l
would congratulate you on the effercacy
of your work in genral and your standing
as a high and onerbel gent in particlar. /
ten days written on a typewriter. etc"
Describes His Disability.
1t is not to be supposed. of course. that a
pensioner or his witnesses are masters Of
medical phraseology. Sometimes. however.
the veteran wanders from the path of gen.
eralities followed by most lay minds, and
gets the vernacular Of the medical frater-
nifty mixed to a rather ridiculous degree.
Thus the following was discovered in the
papers filed by a claimant who was seeking
pension under the general law: "Paraly-
sis of right side has generally extended to
adjacent parts of the brain matter, causing
paralysis of application and Intention
What he really meant and what he was
pensioned for was paralysis Of right fore
arm resulting from a shell wound.
Many man has been taught the value
of attention and details but 1t Is not every
body who needs the receipt. Yet not long
ago man who gives evidence of close OBJ
servation. and who does not believe in gilt
tering generalities. had this to say in an
affidavit filed in a pension claim, to show
the widowed claimants financial standing:
- says. upon oath. that claimant has
only two horses and two cows and very
young colt. two horse wagon worth about
So Had some other property when
soldier died. namely two mules one team
Of horses. one heifer and one steer. One
mule died. one heifer killed by light
ening. The remaining mule was sold to de-
fray funeral expenses and other debts. one
horse was taken sick and which was not
worthy of attention since that time and
the horse was given away. The steer was
sold to pay doctors bills and other debts,
and further aff1ant sayeth not"