Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1903-05-06
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Customer-What do you charge for
ten cents worth of camphor? Drug.
gist (absently)-Twenty-fve cents
Chicago Daily News.
Anxious mother-Tell me doctor, Is
1t dangerous case? Physicinn-I fear
1t Is He has breakfastfoodits in an
advanced s.age.-Judge.
Mamma. mamma. George struck me
on the chin" why did he do that?"
"Cause he couldn't reach my nose"
Cleveland Plain Dealer
His good taste: She-Your dog was
trying to bite me, sir! He touching
his haD-Yes, madam; he has a sweet
tooth.-Yonkers Statesman.
Ascum-Twins at your house, eh?
I'll bet they're pretty boistcrous? Nu-
popularity so. One of them Is girl.
sterous.-Philadelph Press.
AS bad as they make 'em: Knicker-
Why do you think Jones the meanest
man atioat? Bocker-He keeps col.
lection of plugged, coins to put in his
trousers pocket Mt Enthusiastically
Life.
Signs of the times: In Montana
hotel there is notice which reads:
"Boarders taken by the day. week or
month. Those who do not pay promptly
will be taken by the neck."-London
Tit-Bits.
Seeking Oblivion: When woman
wishes to retire from the world" says
the Manayunk Philosopher. "she enters
nunnery. All man has to do lie
to marry a famous woman."-Philadel
phla Record.
Casidy-oi want wreath av flow
ers. an put on 1t, 'He rests in pieces"
Florst-Don't you mean "He rests In
peace? Cassidy-Oi name phwat OF
sed. IT'S fur Casey. thot was blowed
up In the quarry.-Tit-B
Parliamentary procedure: 1.-THE first
thing to be DONE" said the committee
man in an important tone, "ls to organ-
lie. Therefore," 81 beg your par
don.' said an older member; 1--WE have
not been photographed yet."-Judge.
What it is. Bobbie?" asked the Sun
day school teacher. That's wrong
about man bein' the noblest work of
God" "Oh, 10, 1t isn't. What made
you think 1t was?" "Well, my ma
says she made pa what lie is."-Chl-
cago Record-Herald.
He-"Miss Workman, I'm going to
propose to you She-Really. Mr..
Phoxy. I'm sorry. but He-That we
have some ice cream She-O!
shall be delighted to- He-Some even.
ing when the weather gets warmer.
Philadelphia Press.
Quite plain: Old DR.. Grimshaw Ito
medical studenD-And now, remember
that to physician humanity Is divided
into two classes. Sunderland what
are they, doctor? Old DIR. Grimshaw-
The poor whom he cures, and the rich
whom he doctors.-Tit-Bits.
Doctor-Why, how is this, my dear
sir? You sent ME note stating you
had been attacked with humps, and
find you suffering. from rheumatisue,
Patient-That's all right, doctor. Thef
wasn't soul In the house that kns1e
\ how ttee-spell -rleumatlsm. >-vTIt pits
misunderstanding, believe that
am failing. Wife lin alarm) Graclousg
How often have warned you, George,
against your foolish speculatlons. Hus-
band-1 don't mean in business, dearl
mean I'm fuiling in health. Wife n
lieved)-Oh. is that all?-EXchange.
Easy for her: Il locked my safe thS
other day and couldn't remember the
combination 'Wtat did you do
about H." '.Hntcd to my wife that
some letters frw,g IN old. sweetheart Of
mine were Inside. She got it open In
ten minutes. -lnuianapo 's Journal.
what would you do If you could
play the piano as good as CAM"
asked the young lady OF the house
maid. "Shurc an' @! wc.:ss:dp. get dis
caYregcd at a. at all. 'j'sd kaee
,-is'.t on larnln' till oi could play II
dacently." was the reply.-Chicnga
News.
A little local band was one do; play.
ing at Dunfermline, when an old wears
er came up and asked the bandD,astef
what air they We're playing. THAT Is
The Death of Nelson,'" replied the
bandmaster, solemnly. SAY. mon," re-
piled the weaver, Eye hae grcn hin an
awful death.'-Tit-Bits.
give got story" said the neM' re.
porter. ''about thief who pretrnded
to be lodged in a hotel and so ga.aed
access to the other guests rooMs,
where he gathered in all the luJse
money lie could. and" Head 1t
False Roomer Gains Currency" sus-
gestad the snake editor.-Philadelph;I
Press.
John" gasped the suffering pollti-
clan to the sympathizing friend who
had called to comfort his hours of III.
ness. John, feel that the tnaI
change is coming. | am about to .joia
the great majority" "Grnat Scott
Billw calculated the friend; do you
mean to say you are going to flop
again. Chicago Tribune.
AS to goasiping: "My dear" said Mrs.
Cawker to her daughter, when you
are at Mrs. Cumsos this afternoon,
hope you won't think of'repeatiug that
bit of gossip about Mrs. Gilfoyle that
Mrs. Fosdlck told us this afternoon"
"Why, mamma" "Well, because 1t
would be ungenerous and unkind, and
don't think Mrs. Gilfoyle would like 1t
told; and, besides, | want to tell 1t to
Mrs. Cumso myself" Set.
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| Bnilded Better Than lie Knew,
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