The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-02-15
!: M DOOI:EI !; :. ~; {; * !:
MIR. Dooley on the Carnegie
Homer Controversy.
Copyright, 1908. by Robert Howard Russell
BY p. dunno.

ward iv illusthrees memory who ray
members me name. / can tell We all
about kings an / will If some wan
will lock the dure. An I say to We
that this man Homer don't know a
king firm a doose. He's got wan char
iv AchillS. What kind iv king does
he make iv him? Is he Is small;
r-round, naughty king with pinted
beard who says: ANDY, FIR foolish
little man. We have a very good house" =
Not at all; this Achills is no more an
no less thin a drunken vagabone. He's
roysterin' an cuttin' up firm mornin
to night; he's chopin people open;
he's insultin' his ffinds an bethrayin'
his country, an fin'lly he dies be beia'
hit on tn heel. Did We liver hear tn
like? know kings, tell We, an that's
not the kind of men they ARE at all.
They don't carry SoordS but canes. L
wear a chip firm TIL cane iv wan "
thin who shall be nameleSS to all but
We, me frinds, but it was King Ed
ward, | wear silver firm his Walkln'
stick, over me heart at this minyit.
They don't get dhrunk, at all. AS
a rule they ar-re very timp'rate in
their habits, though not teetotal, mind
We. A little booze at lunch an little
more at dinner an short, hot wan
before goin' to bed. If a king gets a
little picked be amy chanst, l don't
mind tellin' ye,@ he don't go an fight
like a cabman. He slaps me on TIL
back. offers to race me ar-round Skibo
Castle FIR a dollar, weeps a little be-
cause he amt well threated at home,
ar goes to sleep on a lounge. Far
firm 'dhressin' in a. little short ballet
dancers skirts with bare legs tn way
this fellow Homer makes thin out,
kings is very nodestly attired in a
~ Il
though l don't mind tellin' We that I
did wanst have tn good fortune to see
a monarch that I won't name but
p'raps We can guess, in a pair iv
pyjamaS-but even thin, ivry inch a
king as he ordered me away firm his
dure. Homer don't know tn customs iV
good s'ciety. He writes like a cook.
was SO furyous I hurled tn book into
tn fire an I'm goin' to direct that
amy future wurruk iv his be excluded
firm me libries.' he says.
"An' there's Homer in tn fire. Poor
OF la-ad. His day is done. He's been
caught fakin' an nobody will thrust
him again. If We go into tn Dope Low
er's Libry, an ask FIR tn PONIES iv
Homer, they'll say: L want We to I'M
dherstand this is a rayspictable shop.
Take a copy iv Treeumphant Dimoc-
racy be A. Carnaygie. Hof- on there!
Don't We throw that inkstand!"
Poor oil la-ad. Where'll he turn
now! Mind We. think me frind An
dhrew Carnaygie is Fright. TIL book
iv Homer's PONIES that Hogan brought
in here wan day had pitchers iv TIL
kings an wud We believe it, they was
all thruclmen. Yes, sir, fvry king iv
thin was dhrivin' a dhray an fightin'
firm 1t JUS like We see thin on TIL
docks. l suppose tn poor OF man niv-
er see a king in his life His idee iv a
king is a big fellow on a deliv'ry wag-
on. But I'm sorry Carnaygfe wint at
him that r-rough. Hes ought to con-
sidered that he; was OF AN. blind an
hasn't got more thin a millyon years
longer to live. If he'd stint him a pilot
tygraft or short description or some
thing to wurruk on; an'tt1riS if he didn't
put cutagaG coat ON Achills, it wud
be time to hammer him. But tn harm
is done. Hoomers cooked. It's a
gr-reat joke on Hogan"
81 wonder what he'll say" said Mr..
Hennessey.
Maybe" said Mr.. Dooley, "he'll say
that Homer don't care"