The Monticellonian., 1903-01-22
PREPARED FOR BURGLARS.
Ingenious Scheme of Man Whose Wife Was Away stirs Up some
 Excitement.

'I had been keeping bachelors han while my wife was away, sadly re- marked the man whose wife had been in the country. of course, it was generally late when l turned in at night. and. as We had been good deal worried by sneak thieves III my part of the city, was afraid they might make raid during my ab- sence. So l set my wits to work First l rented phonograph with megaphone attachment. Then l got i husky-v6iced friend to talk into the machine. His talk, which was de livered at the top of his voice, was mostly about calling the police, hay i ing the drop on some one, firing revolver. and other conversation cal culated to make burglar think he had gone against the real game.
 After l had the phonograph nice ly loaded l made test of it. I'm free to confess that burglar who heard it would be worse frightened than if he stumbled on to reserve squad of policemen.
 T put the loaded phonegraph up in our flat, and connected 1t with strings and wires SO that if any one who didn't know just how to work the combination tried to force any of the doars he would start the machine on is line of strong-arm conversation 1 figured that no burglar would wait to see what the man with the husky voice would actually do. No, that burglar would have immediate business in the street Our apartments were safe, and l felt mighty proud of my little contriyance.
 "Maybe one or more burglars went against my photograph protection game: if they did they fled without leaving any traces But in about week my wife decided 10 return and in cidentally to bring her mother with her She didn't intend to reach the city until late in the evening, so sent me telegram addressed to our apartments instead of at my office. Of course, fate Wlled it that | should dine at restaurant and go direct from there to the theater, not reach ing home until late.
 Tn the meantime my wife arrived at the station. There was no one to meet her, but as she had her key and thought the telegram had missed me. that didn't worry her much. Accompanied by her mother she went home in a cab, took out her key, and started to enter our apartments. Right at this point the trouble in large quantities broke out.
 ..fhe key didn't work very we'll and she must have given the door a little shake. That started the load ed bnrgiar-porteetion phonograph. In an instant there was roar:
 s"Police! Police! Get out of here or I'll shoot Thieves, Murder!
 Tt was enough to give any woman the fright of her Life. Ny wife had good pluck, though, and didn't faint, although I'm certain she would if she had not had her mot her with her. whom she felt she must protect. Somehow they managed To get down the stairs and arouse the janitor. And all the time the roaring phono- graph was letting out series of threats calculated to eurdle the blood of the brayest burglar, let alone two frightened women.
 The janitor, accompanied by a po- lecman with d drawn revolver, made an investigation and solved the mys- tery." continued the narrator, ac- cording to the New York Times. "'fhey thought it was big joke. In fact. it was their iovial attitude that gave my wife and mother-in-law their suspicious When finally reached home that night I found them in q half hysterieal state, and an iceberg would have been warm compared with the greeting I received.
 There is still somewhat of a chilly atmosphere ill the household" I"