Middlebury register. (Middlebury, Vt.) 1886-1937, 1903-01-09
ODD MRS. RAFFLES.
by MAN ADELIGI,.

with them. But one day, wnIe Mr.. Cooke
MAS out in his front yard, Mr.. Rafes came
out of his house, suddenly, with his face
! flushed, and when he reached the fence he
Aopped. placed his elbows upon it, and in
Produced himself to Mr. Cooke with an OBJ
servation respecting the weather.
When Mr.. Cooke joined him at the fence,
Mr.. Rafles tipped his thumb over his shout
der toward the house, and remarked conf
dentially to Mr.. Cooke:
That's a most extraordinary woman in
there!"
Mrs. Raflles?"
Yes. We had little dispute. Last
Wednesday she fried the oysters in her
pomatum; yesterday she creased the grid
die for the buckwhcat cakes with simple
cerate, and now st will insist upon short
ening the piecrust with letter ointment.
/ Wouldn't listen to reason. Said grease was
grease; and what's good enough for letter
is good enough for pies. | couldn't coincide
with her views, and as she wanted to urge
them with the rollng-pin, thought would
come out to get the air She's good wom-
an in some respects, but she's peculiar
I'VE haven't seen her about very much,
said Mr.. Cooke.
mo. Well to tell you the TRUTH she is
little shy about showing herself: You know
She used to suffer good deal from frecllles
And one day she bought a bottle OF the
Balm of Venezuela which was warranted
to remove freckles and produce a lovely
complexion. She applied the balm, and to
my surprise the freckles began to spread.
They crept out on her nose, around on her
neck. and the more balm she put on the
thicker they got. Before the first bottle
was gone she had them all over her; in
fact she was one complete freckle from
head to foot. Has kind of undertone look,
something like a muatta. She was not q.
good-looking woman before; but now
well, really believe she's the homeliest--"
William Hen-r-r-ry!" called a woman's
voice from the house, just at this juno
ture.
yes, darling coming" replied Mr.. Raj
files. That's She said he to Mr. Cooke.
Her voice is rather shril now. | can re-
member when she was right good singer;
her voice was soft and sweet, and low, but
she injured it, think, partly by trying to
cut her tonsils with the shutters. They
were too long, and they tickled her throat
and made her cough; but instead Of sending
for the doctor she endeavored to clip them
off herself with the shutters, and she Grip
pied her voice for life Cut off too much,
in my opinion. When she sings now | al
post office or the BARRIERS Can't possibly
stand it, You know
The voice of Mrs. Rafes was heard again
calling for William Henry.
"Ye,, ove-be there directly" said Mr..
Rafiles, in reply. "Snes persistent WON
an; never lets 60 when she makes up her
mind to a thing. We never had any chill
dren of our own, and some time ago we
adopted a boy. She insisted upon having
him named Mackintosh-Na Macintosh RAT
files; perfectly hideous, you know. Inc
boys name was Al clbald-given to him by
his own parents. said he should not be
named Macintosh. She said he should.
So we wranged about it and wIaugled;
and one day when wa, out she took MIN
around and had him baptized Macintosh
four times by four different ministers; and
when | got home she was stenclHng the
name up and down the small OF his back
and along his legs with inGcllbe ink. Bound
to have it 50, you know, although the boy
wa, crying; and so | let her drift along and
have her own way until the boy died; and
then She put a monument over him with
"Alackintosh Railles" cut ON it in letters
a foot long she beats any woman | ever
saw
"Sne must have great deal of determi-
} nation said Mr.. Cooke
Sue ha,. But she, rot what you'd call
a brave woman. Shes dleadiully afraid OF
mice. Since we came here the mice have
run about our rooms a good deal at night
and do YOU know what She does? She sets
ID or ~ mouse traps around in the bed,
SOS 10 catch them il they climb up to nib
Bile her. The consequence L. that | get to
tdgetmg about in my sleep and | touch off
the trap with my toes. This morning when
| got up had four mouse traps on the toes
of my right foot. No man can sleep com
Portable under such circumstances.
% Again the voice OF Mrs Raiies was heard,
shrill and loud, inquiring for William
Henry.
BE along directly deary,' said Mr.. Raj
fles, in reply. Shes the strangest woman,
You wouldn't believe | can never get her
to look in an almanac. Sne keeps her rec
ord Of time by cutting notches on the pie
board. Every now and then ssc misses
r a day. My impression is that she is now
about two or three months beuindhand.
: Consequence is she often celebrates Wash
ington's birthday just before Christmas, and
| have known her to 60 out into the yard
on the 10TH OF September and bang off fire
crackers. and wave the American flag, and
fire ,alutes, and get up whole lot of pa
triotic enthusiasm under the impression
that ii was the Fourth of July
6 ''She is patriotic, is she?'
"Oh, yes. She had portrait OF her first
husband hanging for awhile in the parlor
One day she concluded to have it fixed up
!, into a portrait of Benjamin Franklin.
paid a man for doing it, and it looked pref
> ty we'll Then she thought she would
rather have a likeness of John Paul Jones;
so | painted cooked hat on the picture
'. myself and removed the spectacles This
didn't suit her exactly, so she had it changed
to Martin Van Buren, / was very much
interested TO see how the artist turned the
cooked hat into a bald head. He did it first
rate; but she was not happy. She said
q something told her that she ought to have
picture of Washington, so the man came
and altered it. You wouldn't know it,
think But it makes no difference About
= month from now she'll want to make il
into James X. Polk, or Gen. Grant, or Ad-
81 NJ, . l,,,t I, ,ot