davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-04-07
c O OD
Short tories


The other night an Irishman accost-
ed a gentleman on the street with
request for the time. The gentleman,
suspecting that Pat wished to snatch
his watch, gave him a st1nging rap
on the nose, with the remark: 1T has
Just struck one" BE jabers,'' re-
torted Pat, "Oi'm glad Oh didn't ak
yees an hour ago!'
1t is related that a certain promi-
nent politician recently left his um-
brella in the stand at his hotel In
Washington, D. c., with the following
Inscription attached to it: "This um-
brella belongs to a man who can deal
blow Of two hundred and fifty
pounds weight. 1 shall be back IN
ten minutes" On returning to seek
his property he found in its place
card thus inscribed: "This card was
left by a man who can run twelve
miles an hour. 1 shall not be back"
During an engagement in the Trans
vaal war General De Wet was amused
by a Jew who came up to burgner
who was lying behind stone on
piece of ground where powders were
scarce "Sell me- that stone for half
crown?" whined the Jew. 'Get out"
the Boer cried; 81 want 1t myself" Il
will give you fifteen shillings, insist
ed the Jew. De Wet adds that al
though the Boer had never before pos
sessed anything that had risen in value
with such surprising rapidity, at that
moment he was anything but ready to
drive a bargain with the Jew, and
without any hesitation he positively
declined to do business.
1t is said that during the civil. war
Wendell Phillips was spending day
at hotel in Springfield, Mass, when a
"copperhead'' guest entered into con-
versation with him, not knowing who
he was. After violently anathematiz-
| ing all abolitionists, and especially Mr.:
Phillips, the gentleman added: 'And,
by the way, I see that Wendell Phil
lips name is on the hotel register"
"Yes," said the latter, with an air of
utter unconcern; 81 wrote it there"
Mrs. Bowen, wife Of Herbert w.
Bowen, United States Minister to Ven
ezuela, who is acting as Venezuelan
commissioner, was, before she was
married, a Galveston girl. Their we'd
ding took place in Caracas, and soon
afterward it is said, a revolutionary
army and a government army met by
chance on a mountain behind the Unit
ed States legation which is located in
the environs of Caracas. When the
Mausers began to pop and the flash Of
the rifles showed red on the yerdant
hillside, Mrs Bowen rushed out to the
piazza. where Mr.. Bowen, long before
Injured to the warfare of the caliber
continuously served up in Venezuela,
was unconcernedly putting a cigar.
'sWhy, what is the matter?" she asked,
and glanced apprehensively toward the
sound Of firing. ooh, only battle
Mr.. Bowen replied. But are we not
in dangerT' Mr.. Bowen assured her
of the mild nature of the battles, and,
although it was the first time she had
been under fire. she returned COM
placently to her needlework and never
after allowed the scares about Ven
ezuelan wars" and battles to per-
turb her.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-04-07
WEST & TRUAx,
Great Saving of Electricity.

A novel scheme has recently been
evolved by which a train will not only
be lighted by electricity, but the power
will be obtained by rotary fan at
tached to the front end of the locomo-
ye. Tests have shown that on an
average train five cars can be illumi-
mated in night, and that the battery
in the morning will have nearly its
maximum charge of electricity.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-04-07
Profit In Far Trees.

A few years ago the balsam fir tree
was considered one of the most worth
less of forest trees, but since the
growth of the Christmas tree industry
it has taken on an. added value. The
contractors pay from three to four
cents apiece for the larger ones. This
price seems insignificant when taken
alone, but when it is considered that
from 5000 to 1000 trees will grow on
an acre and that the trees can be
raised on land worthless for anything
else, it is a different story.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-04-07
A Good Description.

Speaking of fat man. George Eliot
said: "At first glance he appeared to
consist of two spheres, bearing about
the same relation to each other as the
sun and the moon, the lower one being
about thirteen times larger than the
other, which naturally performed the
function of satellite"
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-04-07
For This Runaway, $40.

Chief of Police Austen, of Birming-
ham, Ala, wrote to the police of New
York offering a reward of $40 for the
arrest of 17-year old Charles Verdell,
runaway, whom he describes as
"knock-kneed, and having fiat nose,
bumpy face and black dew scars on the
shin of one leg"
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-04-07
Charcoal Eph's Daily Thought.

CT knows er man in de mex block, -
said Charcoal Eph, touching up the OF
mule, "dat pranoe aroun' an mex his
self monty graceful, an 20 cyan't had
ly tell what family he belongs to
ontwell yo' heah him bray. Dey am
lots OBJ diffunce 'twixt er jackass an e1
fawn, Mistah Jackson. Baltimore
Nawa
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-04-07
Looking i'm the Wrong Place.

els he young man of brains?' in
inquired an old gentleman respecting a
swell youth.
"Well, really" replied the daughter,
ST have had no opportunity of judging.
I never met him anywhere except in
society."- It'd Bits.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-04-07
HOw'S THIS?

We offer One Hundred Dollars Reward for auy
case of Cattarrh that can not be cured by Hall q
Catarrh Cure.
F. j. CHENEY & Co., Props Toledo, O.
We the undersigned. have known F. J. Cheney
for the past Is years, and believe him perfectly
honorable in all business transactions and fin
ancially able to carry outany obligations made
by their firm.
WEST & TRUAx,
Wholesale Druggists, Toledo,
WALDING KINNAN & MARVIN,
Wholesale Druggists Toledo o.
Hall Catarrh Cure is taken internally, acting
directly on the blood and mucous surfaces Of
the system. Price 75c per bottle. Sold by all
druggists. Testimonials free.
Halls Family Pills are the best.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-04-07
Ready to Begin Studying.

Mamma" said Reginald 1--WE had
history today and the teacher said we
should study the Creeks
"Then do SO, my-son," encouraged
mamma.
swell, mamma. the nearest Greeks
keep candy stall, and if you'll give
me a dime. FIJI 60 around and study
them.',' .','-Chicago News.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-04-07
Identified bx Tattoo Marks.

Tell-tale tattoo marks recording their
constany in love identified two prison
ers in North London recently as desert
ers. ssI love Lottie Barton," confessed
the left arm of one, while the other
man bore the initial letters of the
name of the object of his affections.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-04-07
For Monument to ZoIa.

The Emile Zola literary and benevo-
lent association of New York, organized
with the consent of the French novelist,
four years ago at the time of his de-
tense of Capt. Dreyfus, will give a
weeks fair at the Grand CeDtral palace
in November to raise funds for monu
ment to Zola.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-04-07
Not Well Received.

Sunday School Teacher (poetically)-
Yes, heaven sends the beautiful snow
and the crystal ice.
Tommy-Yes. told pa dat when he
slipped down de uther mornin' an he
licked me.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-04-07
How 1t May Be Done.

"Do you think it is really possible
to support a family on $40 a week."
said the woman with a worried look in
her eye.
Certainly" answered the business.
like friend. "The experiment may he
made quite remunerative if one only
has the knack of writing magazine ar
tieles about it. ashington Star.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-04-07
Not Quite what He Meant.

The man who thought he had the
knack of saying pleasant things calcu-
lated to warm the cookies Of the oldest
heart was revisiting the town in which
he had spent a summer twenty years
before.
sI'm Miss Mears. I didn't know as
you recall me-" said coquettish eld-
erly spinster, approaching him in the
post office the day after his arrival.
The ready heart-warmer turned with
his most beaming smile and wrung her
hand.
"Recall your he echoed, reproachful-
ly. "As if one could help it, Miss
Mears! Why. you are one of the land
marks of the town.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-04-07
Tenacious Memory.

ssThere goes a man who never forgets
a favor" says our friend, indicating a
ern-jawed individual who was crossing
the street.
'tThat is commendable quail" We
begin, but our friend interrupts with:
Especially when it is favor he has
done for some one else. Judge.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-04-07
Definite.

Two coIored women met on the cor
ner, and the following dialogue took
place:
"Hullo, Lie! Whar yo' gwine?'
ST amt gwine nowha; I'se jes' bin
wha' Use gwine.'' Co un1bia Jester.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-04-07
A Golden Opportunity.

.Cobwigger-I would prefer literary
life, but as I have business ability,
owe it to myself to go into trade.
Merritt-Jf you have the business
instinct you can make more money at
literature than anything else Judge.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-04-07
.Ioin the pretzeI yarnishers, Union.

Hanover-I never see you at work
nowadays, Milletr?
Millett-No. I was thrown out of
employment when the fashion of col
oring meerschaums went OUT Boston
Transcript.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-04-07
Danger in Irrational Dress"

A woman's rights woman, wearing
Irrational costume was arrested and
roughly handled by Weimar Ger
many policeman, who thought her
a man in woman's clothes.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-04-07
Proved.

cat any rate," he said, as he
mailed check to San Francisco cred
itcr, s'it can't be denied that I am able
to make little money go long way"
Chicago Evening Journal.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-04-07
With Little Whiskey

Lemon juice may do to destroy ty-
phoid fever germs in water until some
scientist rises to tell us what sort of
deadly germs infest lemon juice.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-04-07
Cultivation Of the Orchid.

An authority on the orchid says an
amateur cultivator often fails, not 80
much through want OF attention, but
through over attention and disregard
of nature and her laws.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-04-07
Hoods CarsaparilI0
and Pills

Are the medicines to take-they do
the work thoroughly and >agreeably
and never fail to do it.
Hoods are, the medicines you
have always heard recommended.
'.I cannot recommend HOODS SarsaparillA
too highly as a spring medicine. When we
take it in the spring we all feel better through
the summer" MRS. S. FL. NEAL McCrays, Pa.
Hoods Sarsaparilla promises to
cure and keeps the promise.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-04-07
Undoubtedly.

Bess-I love George from the bottom
OF my heart.
Tess-But of course there is plenty
of room at the top.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-04-07
His Insomnia Completely Cured.

'They tell me you have cured your
self of chronic insomnia"
eyes, Pm completely cured"
Z ''It must be great relief"
"Relief? 81 o1ld say it was! Why.
lie awake half the night, thinkir g
how I used to suffer from it,
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-04-07
,Justifiable.

"Johnson writes that he has just
killed the hero in his new novel"
'tWell, he needn't worry over that
the jury will acquit him. ."-Atlanta
Constitution.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-04-07
SQueaky.

Squeaky.
= A little three-year-old miss while her
mother was trying to get her to sleep
became interested in peculiar noise
and asked what it was.
: ga cricket, DEAR replied ler
mother.
"Well," remarked the little lady,
che ought to get himself oiled. -
Young Peoples Paper.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-04-07
JustiflabIe Haughteur.

Pauline - Have you nothing to be
proud OH
Penelope-Yes, Pm proud that
haven't any false pride.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-04-07
Worlds Largest Organ.

The largest organ is in Sydney town
hall. It has 10000 pipes, 126 speak
ing stops and is blown by a 15~horse
power gas engine.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-04-07
The Difference.

'94 = What are you running for,
Wally? You must be training for a
sprint.
'93-Nope; just sprinting for train.
Cornell Widow.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-04-07

Mothers will fiho MRS. Winsiow's Sooth-
ing Syrup the best remedy to use tor their
children during the teething period.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-04-07

~ Piso's Cure is a remedy for coughs, colds
and consumption. Try it. Price 25 cents,
at druggists
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-04-07

ETC Permanently Cured SO nts or nervousnee,
5bEO after first days OF DR. Kline's Great Nerve
aestofer Send FREE 81. 90 trial bottle and treat
ise De r. II KLINE. Ltd VA Arch St. Phadelphia Ra
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-04-07

When some people want to praise a
baby, they say, why, You wouldn' t
know there was baby in the house"
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-04-07

Never in the history of medicine ,has
the demand for one particular remedy
for female diseases equalled that at
tanned by Lydia e. Pinkham's
Vegetable Compound, and never
during the lifetime of this wonderful
medicine has the demand for it been
so great as it is to-day.
From the Atlantic to the Pacific,
and throughout the length and breadth
of this great continent come the glad
tidings of woman's sufferings relieved
by, it, and thousands upon thousands
of letters are pouring in from grateful
women saying that it will and posi-
lively does cure the worst forms of
female complaints.
Mrs. Pinkham invites all wo-
men who are puzzled about
their health to write her at Lynn
Mass, for advice. Such CORE.
spondence is seen by women Onlys
and no charge is made.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-04-07
Scarcely a Day..

Passes but we are called upon to perform
some difficult dental operation that is
the direct result of neglecting the teeth.
We cannot urge too strongly the benefit
and economy of consulting a dentist at
the very first sign of tooth trouble. At
the start these troubles are corrected
quickly and at small cost. Our methods
are painless and our work guaranteed
Both phones: Oregon South 2291;
Columbia 500. Open evenings till ..
Sundays from to L.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-04-07
March,
ApriL, May

There is best time for doing
everything that is, time when a
thing can be done to the best ad-
vantage, most easily and most ef-
fectively. Now is the best time
for purifying your blood. Why!
Because your system is now trying
to purify it-you know this by the
pimples and other eruptions that
have come on your face and body.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-04-07

After all, peace is about the only
thing worth fighting for.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-04-07

WISE Bros. Dentists @ Gea Cos n Ta M and ~ M % s
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1903-06-15
Do You Enjoy what You Eat?

If you don't your food does not do you
much good, liodol Dyspepsia Cure is the
remedy that every one should take when
there is any thing wrong with the stom-
ach There f. no way to maintain tn"
hoalth-and strength of mind and body cy-
|ccpt by noluishrncnt. There is no way to
nourislr except through the stomach. The
sweet or the strength Will let down and
disease will set zip. n" appetite, loss of
strength. nervousness, headache, coESti-
patton. bad breath, sour riSinGs. riltn@,
troubles are quickly cured by tn" NE of
I<odnl Dyspepsia cure. Sold by Euwditch,
Webster IL Co.
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1903-06-15
DaiIy Kennsbec journal

Cards of Thanks, obituary notices.
resolutions of respect, ,tc., will be
charged at the rate Of EN- cents per
line. No charges less than seventy
five cents.
All aSusrt'e1a nouncements Of en-
te-sainM11ts, whose object Is the
raising of money, will be charged at
the rate of fifteen cents a line.
Advertising notices, news form, will be
excluded from our local columns, ex-
cept such as refer to advertisers oc-
cupying space in our advertising
columns, and will be run under a
separate head on one Of the local
pages.
Subscribers who fail to receive the
Journal promptly will confer a favor
4 by notifying the office Immediately.
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1903-06-15
LOCAL MATTERS.
Journal Telephone Gail, 1885,

Surprises.
The boys I used to know at school,
Oh. prythee, where are they?
Tho promising and happy lads
With whom | used to play.
Where is the youth whose bullying brow
Was leaIning's ornament?
It's sad; we thought that long ere now
He would be President
The boy who was the teachers pet
Stole horses when man;
The shy and stupid youngster leads
An influential clan.
The boy who used to memorize
Each day page or more
Has not fulfilled our lofty hopes,
He runs grocery store.
Washington Star.
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1903-06-15

Four large 16X24 pictures have been
hung in the offices at the Hotel North
and the Cony house which are works or
art photography such as are not often
seen. They are photographs of scenery
along the line of the Grand Trunk
railway and We're placed there by {.
w. Johnston of Montreal travelling
passenger agent for that road who has
been in the city. At the Cony house
IRE pictures of Rabbits bay on the
Lake of Bays in the Lake of Bays dis
trict Of the highlands of the Province
of Ontario north Of Toronto, and one or
"a highland stream in the Muskoka
lakes district of the same section OF
country. In the latter picture the
fisherman Is Eugene w. Bartlett OF
Lynn, Mass. formerly of the town of
Norway. The pictures at the Hotel
North are of scenery on the Magneta-
wan river in Ontario, and of Artists
bridge on Sunday river near the
Village of Bethel in this State. These
photographs are the work Of j. Wesley
swan, at one time a travelling photo
8rapher in this State, and afterward
located at Norway, where he did work
Of such excellence that 1t attracted
the attention of the Grand Trunk Ry.,
officials. He was engaged as their rail-
road photographer, and moved to Mon
treal. several years ago, to be nearer
his work. Wherever those beautiful
views OF Grand Trunk scenery are put
up, professional as well as amateur
photographers are found examining
them, and wondering at the skill which
accomplished such results in scenic
photographer.
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1903-06-15

The police locked up q man, Satur-
day, who was somewhat under the in
ftuence of too much Jamaica ginger,
peppermint or some other noxinus
drug, for his mind was away OF. !Ie
told n gruesome tale to the officers of
how q man had been stabbed and how
he had pulled the knife, with which
the deed was done, from the body of
the victim. Investigation showed that
the story was Pigment Of a disordered
BRAIN Yesterday he told Deputy
Hanks that a dozen children were play
ing with him in his cell. He seemed to
have them, all right.
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1903-06-15
kodol Gives Strength

by enabling the digestive organs to digest,
aSsimilatc and transform all of the whole
kind of blood that n0uriShcS the nerves,
feeds the Tissues hardcnS the muscles and
rccurcrates the organs of tn" entire body.
kodOl Dyspepsia Cure cures Indigestion.
Dyspepsia, Catarrh of the Stomach ana I'll
stomach disorders. Sold by BoWditch,
Webster q Co.
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1903-06-15

The Cushnoc paper mill now closes at
o'clock, Saturday evenings, until Z
o'clock Monday morning. This ar
rangement went into effect with the
first Saturday in June, the day crew
working six days and the night crew
five nights in the week. There are
about a hundred men in the day crew
and about rs in the night crew.
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1903-06-15

Most of the members of the Maine
Hotel Proprietors Association in this
city will go to Portland, this week, to
attend the semi-annual meeting of the
organization, which will convene in
that city, Thursday, June IS. The ses-
sion will last three days, during which
there will be a series of entertainments
arranged by the Portland hotel men.
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1903-06-15

The summer timetable on the Maine
Central railroad went into effect, last
night. There is but one change of i'm
portance from last year, and that is the
morning Pullman going east. Last
summer the train left Augusta at 1.12
A. M: during the winter it left at
1859 A. NJ, while now it leaves at
1915 A. M
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1903-06-15

On account of the heavy rains the
water in the Kennebec river at this
point was unusually high, yesterday.
Most of the wharves We're submerged,
although the water did not quite reach
the top of the steamboat wharf. For
a June freshet it was a good one.
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1903-06-15
Special Advertisements

SMALL ADVERTISEMENTS not ex
ceeding twenty-five words coming under
the head of WANTED. FOR SALE gro
LET, LOST, &c. will be inserted once
for Il cents and cents for each suisse
quent insertion. ADVANCE PAYMENT
In Sending by mail remittance of postage
stamps should be made with order as
the charges are too small to open &C
count for.
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1903-06-15
Dr. Ern1Ons'

Monthly Regulator has brought happiness tfs
b, n.lrc'te of anxious women. There Is positive.
iy 40 other remedy known TO medical science
that win 80 quickly and safely do the work.
Longest and most obstinate irregularities from
any cause relieved Immediately. Sac2essguar-
anteed nj any stage. No pain, danger, or inter.
ference with work. Have relieved hundreds of
cases where others have failed. The most d.ni-
cult cases successfully treated by maii,and ben.
risk whatsoever. We treat hundreds of ladies
whom we never sec. Write for further particu:
lars and free confidential advice. Do not put oil
too long. Alllctters truthfully answered. ic-
n sn.her, this remedy is absolutely sare under
every possible condition and positively leaves
no after iii effect upon the health. Sent by mail,
securely sealed, $500. Money letters should he
registered. DR.. i. w. EMMONS Co. Ig 2oee.
mont st.. Boston. Masa>
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1903-06-15

At ST. Augustine's church. yesterday,
48 children received Holy Communion
for the first time. Mass was celebrated
at $50 o'clock and in the afternoon
special exercises We're held.
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1903-06-15

b The last church service for the sea-
son was held at the Unitarian church,
yesterday. The sermon was by Rev.
A. w. Jackson of Concord, Mass.