The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-12-07

trepidation, appears TO you an ogre Of
beetIing brow, ferret eye hawk beak
and hungry jaws. Your frightened eye
looks for an appearance OF fellow feel
ing in his features. but sees naught
save frigidity. Nothing is there out
lined except the map Of success. In
the ferrety eye you note sharpness; in,
the hooked nose, shrewdness. and IN
the drawn lips, soul-crushing desire
for fat dividends
Not quite the makeup TO inspire you
with confidence I viii admit. But.
my friend, maybe you see things
wrong. Perhaps your eyes, in the past,
have been injured looking for too Sc
lect position. Bless you, the man
you would like to be interviewed by
seldom has a vacancy to offer, because
employees stick TO such q rara avis as
hard luck shadows you. Instead. YOU
nave struck one that appears to YOU in
{ the trlobOlar roll of a ferret, hawk and
purse rat. Ny friend, tits kismet. the
doughty wrestler, who has oft known
you on the mat Of life.
With a steely glance. as cold as
mistral eye. the mighty being looks
/ you in the eye, and, as If he hated to
let words go at less than 6 per cent,
/ he says:
Well sir, What can I do for your
A rebelliOus thought flashes across
I
/ ing:
Nothing! You ound-shouldered.
/ broken-winded crab!"
/ But you refrain from standing a lat
/ ter day William Tell. Tough luck
4 forces you to smother your manhood.
and to forget that such a document as
the Declaration Of Independence was
/ ever framed. Instead Of turning on the
/ steam, you keep cool and, in a bond
/ mans way, you say you have come in
/ answer to the letter in hand which
\ you pass to him. Then commences
/ your trial, with judge, but, alas, no
1 jury.
/ You are now subjected to an oeIipe
/ more penetrating than an X-ray. and
/ catechised at length. Your reputation
IS skinned and prObed ard your abil-
\ IL yls hooked, jOlted and uppercut in a
\ Knockout way. Your mind and soul
/ are searched in every Granny, after a
manner shaming even the clever fash
/ ion Of Sherlock Holmes
/ WeH to use street expression. Won
are up against it for fair But you
make superhuman effort to assume
Z somewhat Of an air of sang froid, and
/ you try to calmly answer the MANY
questions put to you. truthfully or 9TH
eIWlse, according to your idiocy or san
10y. You tax well for Mr.. Ego is an
interesting subject.
OF course, you do not drink. nor
! could you be induced to poison your
stomach with the devils insidious
liquid And khe use OF tobacco? Why,
\ the very mention of the nicotian weed
IS nauseating! Late hours? No, in
deed; for you value your health too
much TO burn the candle at both ends.
/ You are a church member? So much
\ so that you wish every day was sun
/ day.
/ This, and more, you affirm. You were
never measured according to Bertil-
Ions system; You are satisfied wine.
women and song are certainly not the
/ three graces; and you know the gem Of
/ notices is honesty is the best poncy."
1Ou are clean from A to Z-at least
that is. the gist Of your holdings.
/ But Mr.. Catechist is hard man to
/ convince SO, in proof Of what you have
SAID, you hand him your recommends
/ items. These he reads with many a hem
and haw, as if doubtful Of their hav-
/ ing been written by hands other than
yours.
The ordeal you have gone through
/ brings you to your milk, so that you
\ wonder where you At in. However, YOU
I 90 not allow the interview to close quite
/ mere, for you muster courage TO inquire
/ about the salary. OF course, this is a
foolish thing to do, but, dear me, you
never could overcome your curiosity.
I You are informed that the pay. to the
/ right man, VIII be $40 a week. Think Of
/ 1t, $40 a week.
Though measly the So half a loaf is
better than no bread; and when the in
( Ierview ends with an intimation that
/ you may hear from the house in day
I or Two, you strain a point and thank
Mr.. Catechist for his kind attention.
There is hungry wolf to be kept away
from place you call home. and YOU
/ DOW yourself out Of the august pres
ence, as though you We're a salaaming
Moslem, hoping the gods will so viii
lt that, IN day or two you viii be the
humble servant Of Messrs. So-and-sO.
Ten dollars week. Why, Of course,
/ If. you are half a man, your services
should command little more. But, my
friend, you have not enough money to
/ jingle on a tombstone, and the blunt
question which stares you in the face
/ IS, not what you are worth, but what
/ you can get. Therefore, instead of
pitching Mr.. Catechist and his internal
/ job to where the triple-tongued dog
groWls, you leave the place, as II you
had spent very few pleasant moments
With gentleman to your liking
But once out in Gods free sunshine.
when it occurs to you that the chances
are you may never hear from Messrs.
So-and-So, I fear me, you mutter some
| thing which would not make a good
! preface for a manual Of prayer. The
I things you think Of fate would not look
well in type; and your sentiments to-
1 ward that overwooed and tickle Jade.
! Dame Fortune, somewhat differ from
those enlarged on by Ovid in his art
/ OF Love-"
/ Away from the confessional box Of
I Messrs. So-and-So you tramp, soul and
( brain sick. Along the streets, at every
/ step, you see prosperity. Every one is
/ on the rush. All seem to have some
I reason for their hurry, which gives
! them a right to feel they are IA and
/ Of this world All appear on business
/ bent. Even the dog which passes by
/ carries a market basket But you, a
man Of education and many parts.
/ wander aimlessly, seeming de trop in
the busy crowd.
1 Yes, one too many in the busy crowd.
/ But it IS all your own fault, my man.
/ You were once of molecularity, were
yout not? Then why did you not re-
main In a state where you could float
\ IN sunbeam, without bothering about
either Job or a tomorrow? No, moth
\ ing should do but you must become that
great creature called man.
You made the foolish change. You
I became a monkey, to evolve a man, and
YOU now must stomach the horrible
consequence, for there is no use crying
/ over spilled milk You have made your
\ bed, and If it is not one Of roses there
/ is no helping it now.
! You certainly were in clover in your
original state, but you did not know
enough to appreciate the glorious fact.
But hold! ] am wanderingi Can the
] NlHrrr- L. 1T