davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1903-05-02
|I||||)[|||:|l||||,JfI||'!||!!''Il|||[||'| + ! | ), I : /
1Ol THE n : D|kN|
A>Lesson on Ethics.

my darling" said a mother, taking
leave of her newly-married daughter,
'in welded life there is much to bear
and forbear; but remember this
never hit your husband with the paste
roller or potato-masher. The presence
of hair on your pastry or mashed po-
tatoes would lower you in the esteem
of your friends. If occasion arises the
poker is, quite as effective and more
ladylike.''
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1903-05-02

for their rulers. Carlotta in the mar
rowing court circle gave no sign save
by an added dignity that she feared
disaster. The climax came when she
was sent to Europe to plead for help
to save the falling throne. -:
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1903-05-02
The Same WAY.

Il see that the skull Of 2 monkey
a million years old has been found
in Wyoming"
"Now our professors can treat. the
Indians ancestors as they have
treated ours'' :
"How's that?'
Make monkeys of EN- !,
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1903-05-02
The Cheerful idiot.

The Cheerful idiot. <
What is the difference" ." asked the
Cheerful Idiot, between the sultan
of Turkey and a travel-tired CONT
mental .tourist?"
The victim didn't even bat an eye.
Because resumed the uninter-
ruptible; lone is the sick man OF
Europe and the other is the man sick
Of Europe. He-he-he!" :
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1903-05-02
The. Same Old Game.

- -.:- Tie Same O1u GaNie. -. -
"And who,''. whispered member
of the legislative committee, .'is to.
get the hot end of this deal?' {. S
"The people, wildly exclaimed the
irate member who was floating with
the reformers.
"Oh, we'll, then, go ahead" said the
first member, in relieved tone.- Il
didn't know but WI lat it was to be
one of us for change" =
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1903-05-02

.s Mazie--He told me that he'd never
Seen me looking SO: well az e do
now. 81: ~
Daisy-Why, the rude thing New
York Sun. s. s.
Accepted the seeonds Time.
. Jin-:W by under the sun did yous
propose tosa widow St Sss
Joe Ito win. q, q on nee, my maiden B
effort wasn't success. 60
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1903-11-14
FANCIEs OF STUDENTS.

For the first year or two a man
studies medicine" said young ply
slcian, che has every disease he learns
about. In my day we had man
among us who felt sure he was going
to be paralyzed. He was as healthy
as the next man, but that seemed to
him to make his disease more insidi-
Gus. He used to sit with his legs
crossed and hit his knee to see if his
rehexes were all right. Every time
he failed to hit the right spot he
would look down at his motionless
foot and say:
Boys, this is awful
He used to stand up, put his heels
together and shut his eyes to see if
he'd stagger. And he always de-
clared he did, and then he'd look
green around the gills and sigh till
even the feiiew VINO knew he had
heart disease got tired of it. PaIaly-
sis and nothing but paralysis was on
the mans mind, and he reckoned on
being stricken at any time. When
he was in his room he wore pair of
slippers-the kind you can walk into
without stooping-and it was his hab-
it to leave things just wherever he
happened to step out of them. One
night when he had gone to bed some
what the worse for the evening S mer-
riment two of us who roomed next
door stepped in and tackled his slip
pers to the floor. About s o'clock
next morning we were startled by
blood curdling yell from him. We
rushed in. There he stood, just as
he had stepped out of bed, his feet in
his slippers. He pointed to them
with trembling finger and then turn
ed toward us face of utter despair.
Boys, said he thickly, boys,
look at my feet. I can't move them.
I can't walk step. Oh, Lord, it
has come at last 7 "-London Tit
Bits.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1903-11-14
h AP P I N z 8 s.

We do not know what happiness is.
That is one of the reasons we seek it
far and wide when it is right at our
own door, if we could only remove
the bandages from our eyes. Lillian
Writings is good definition of hap
piness: Happiness is not posses
sion it is state of mind" We
seek a material, tangible thing to
possess, never learning that it is a
quality of mind and heart and soul
we must educate ourselves to. We
are egotists we place the highest
value upon Our lives and look for the
world to compensate us upon our own
valuation, and with the failure of
material achievement we become self
pitiers, creatures for whom Carlyle
had such sturdy scorn. Asked if she
would like to live her life over again,
one woman is quoted as saying: "I'd
live mine over again, with my night
mare of childhood, for the pleasure
I'm getting now in self development,
in trying to become fine woman on
a slim foundation. To tell you the
truth, think it would take two good
lives to make me amount to much. "
This woman is happy because in seek
ing development of character she is
receiving more than she expected /;
consequently life is very full to her,
the world yielding its rich harvest,
for her sowing is in harmony with ma
ture's law.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1903-11-14

cannot make myself heard. For two
weeks my voice has been failing.
Now it is all gone. 1t is as much as
1 can do to speak to you now
"'But you can go to DOCTOR l
reminded her. He can help you.
There are many ways nowadays of
bolstering up the voice, and by and
by you will become used to the noise,
and your throat will be stronger
"'I don't think anything will help
ME, she walled. I understood some
thing about the throat myself. l
have gargled inside and made appli-
cations on the outside, and nothing
does any good
Well, try some good voice cul-
turist before you really resign, beg
ged her. Let us inquire and find
out who is the best one.'
"She finally consented to do this,
and we selected the one most highly
recommended. She began going to
him at once. When she came to see
me again S h e was perfectly well.
This is what she told me about it :
I went to him and he looked me over
carefully, and then said: I am not
going to give you any medicine what
ever. l believe that deep breathing,
conscientiously followed up, will be
all you need. Now he continued,
if should give you bottle or two
of black and bitter medicine, and
command you to take so many drops
out of each bottle once in every halt
hour, you would take the greatest
pains to do it. want you to exert
yourself just as hard to remember
and do your deep breathing"
"'He kept on describing the way
of doing it (Which was just the old
way that 1 had already learned) and
bade me take the breaths three at
time, slowly and easily; then wait
half-hour and take three more, and
so on until the cure should be COM
plete. He warned me against taking
more than this, for fear of dizziness,
and was to take these with care.
In two days I felt better. In week
1 was nearly well. In two weeks I
was not conscious of any difficulty
whatever-and I had done nothing
on earth but proper and careful deep
breathing
"By this time I was thoroughly
convinced of the value of deep breath
ing but you will not be. You will
keep on breathing in the old shiftless
way, and you will say that you don't
take any stock in this nonsense about
deep breathing. Lots of doctors say
there isn't anything in it and you are
not going to do it. 1t is too much
bother. '"-Leslie's Weekly.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1903-11-14
HE'D DRINK IT.

He was man who had evidently
had more or less sorrow and had tried
with more or less success 10 drown it.
He struggled into an "L" car at a
downtown station in the rush hour,
and had the good luck to find an un-
claimed strap to hang to. Jammed
in by the throng, he had little trouble
to keep on his feet until the train was
halfway to Harlem. Then, as the
crowd thinned, he swayed as the car
swayed, but he clung with more or
less success to his strap.
Sitting in front of the swaying man
was a sharp featured woman of more
or less uncertain age, and evidently
perfectly able to take care of herself.
As the train stopped at station with
the usual jolt, the man swung around
on his strap and came into collision
with the woman's knees.
"You're a wretch p she exclaim-
ed, as her. eyes snapped.
"Yes-um," gravely answered the
swaying man..
The train started up. The sway
ing man again bumped the woman's
knees.
YOU'RE a brute p she calculated.
"Yes-um," was the grave response.
The motorman turned on full speed
and the swaying man swung against
the woman for the third time.
You're drunk" the woman snap
ped out, and if I were your wife T. d
put poison in your coffee /"
The man who had tried to drown
his sorrow with more or less success
steadied himself with the strap, look
ed at the woman's wrathful counte-
nance and replied in sad tones:
Yes-um-and I'd drink it."
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1903-11-14
SINGS ITS DEATH SONG.

There is a queer bird in the jungles
of northern South American which is
called the paul. by the natives, but
is known to science as the galeated
curasson. tits chiefly remarkable be-
cause it sings its own death song.
1t does not really sing, but makes
a deep humming noise which sounds
very much like the Spanish words
"El muerto esta aqui (the corpse lies
here.)
cit is while uttering this 1ugubri-
Gus chant" said a South American
traveller, "that the paul. usually
meets its death, for the hunter can
then easily track it to its retreat, and
it falls victim, as the Indians say,
to its own death song"
If the "pauji" gets suspicious it
Immediately ceases humming, and
that is sure indication to the hunter
that the bird has seen him or scents
danger. In such a case the only
thing for the sportsman to do is to re-
main perfectly still. The bird may
become reassured after waiting awhile
and again begin to call, "The corpse
lies here" 1t can then be cautious
ly approached and killed.
If it is only wounded the "pauji"
usually escapes, though it cannot fly
much better than the ordinary domes-
tic fowl. 1t is very feet of foot and
will outrun the hunter until it is lost
in the dense underground of the jun
gle.
In the mating season the male
paul is the most pugnacious of
birds and will fight its own kind
whenever it meets them. Often the
fight ends in the annihilation of both
combatants.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1903-11-14
DO WE SWEAR TOO MUcHs

This query does not mean ordinary
profanity, but ordinary oath-taking
OF legal nature. 1t goes without
saying we have entirely too much of
the former, and possibly more than
we need of the latter. In the first
place, let us ask what an oath means,
or rather its nature. It has been said
that when one makes an oath to any,
thing which is not true he commits
perjury and is subject to the punish
ment provided in the statutes. This
IS not quite the case, as the penalty
does not necessarily attach to the act
put to the conditions of the act. Sup
pose John Jones takes an oath that
ne owns Our court house, including
the unknown statues on top, and
should post mis- affidavit on an opera
house billboard, he could not be con-
sicted of perjury. He has violated
no law unless he has tresspassed on
the billboard and nothing has hinged
or his statement. Usage and senti-
ment have given to an oath its for
mioable character, but yet it is hard
to SEE why an oath should be parti-
Gle more sacred than plain state
ment. 1t is said the oath is made in
the sight of God, but for that matter
everything we do is in His sight.
We aretaught that there is nothing
old thai shall not be revealed and
that our every act is recorded. The
man, then, who says thing is so
when it is not is just as certainly
liar as the man who takes an oath to
the same thing. A liar is a liar, no
difference uuder what disguise he
acts.
In saying this we do not mean to
infer that the oath should be abolish
ed, but rather to show that its sacred
nature is really fear of man, in some
cases of the law, in others of the here
after. 1t is the truth that is sacred,
not the oath. Now comes the ques-
tion-would not the oath be held in
higher estimation if not so frequent
ly, carelessly or perfunctorily admin
iste-ed? People are sworn to so many
little things that in time they assume
that an oath is a form or ceremony
and not something in which conscience
has part. For instance, how many
who take an oath as an executor, adj
minister or as an official, high or low,
ever think what they are swearing to
perform? They know no one has
ever been punished for not living up
to his official oath, and therefore it
must be only ceremony to admins
ter it, as it involves no danger or
moral obligation. Next, how COM
mon it is for suitors to swear out ap-
peals simply for delay and not because
injustice has been done them This
is perjury of a kind, but as it is look
ed upon as customary means of de-
fense it passes without comment and
the man willing to take it is thought
none the less of by his lawyer or the
public at large. Lastly, oaths are
administered with no degree of digni-
ty or impressiveness in the great ma
jority of cases. 1t simply humble,
humble, humble, kiss the book,
please-twenty-fve cents. But as we
have said, the oath cannot be abolish
ed. Its use might be lessened in
some minor cases-in other words, it
should not be made so common. Then
if administered in solemn manner
that suggests its seriousness it would
indeed be more sacred and perhaps
fewer would commit perjury.-Lan-
caste, pa. Examiner.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1903-11-14
THE BARRIERS STORY.

The barber drew the keen razor
over his customers face and began:
ga friend of mine told me the best
fish story ever heard in my life
while he was getting shaved the other
day. Want to hear it? All right.
You see, it concerns a physician who
had friend who was daffy over fish,
and he used to try all kinds of queer
experiments with them. One time
the friend told the physician that if
you took fish and kept it out of
water every day, increasing the time
each day, you'd soon have the fish so
that it wouldn't have to be in the
water at all. Well, the idea sounded
reasonable to the physician, SO he
went and bought large shad. He
put it in an aquarium, and every day
he took it out of the water, and put
it on the floor. The first day he only
allowed it to stay out for thirty Sec
onds, but every day he increased the
time until finally the shad didn't need
any water at all to live in.
"Well, one rainy night the physi-
clan was sitting in his study teaching
the shad to smoke cigar when the
telephone bell rang, and after answer
ing it the physician prepared to go
out on a hurry call. He ordered his
carriage, and when it appeared at the
door he went out, the shad following
him. 1t was raining hard, and a per-
feet torrent of water was flowing down
the cutters. The shad attempted to
get in the carriage, but slipped and
fell into the gutter and was drowned.
Oh, I'm sorry I cut you, sir. But
you couldn't help smiling then, could
you ?"-Philadelbhia Press.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1903-11-14
WHEN MARY LED THE HYMN.

used to go to church and sit,
Entranced, to hear the singing;
Ny soul upon the waves of 1t
Seemed ever upward winging.
did not hear the organs peal,
The bass, or tenor slim;
The altos voice was but squeal.
When Mary led the hymn.
Her pure soprano, high and clear,
Seemed like a eOng-bird thrilling;
1t fell on my enraptured ear,
My very heart-strings thrilling.
The world, and all its load of care,
Seemed far away and dim;
The pearly gates of heaven were there,
When Mary led the hymn.
But now, when Mary lifts her voice
To lead. / must dissemble,
the sound that made me once rejoice
Now sets me all a-tremble.
l sometimes beg of her to cease;
She will not hear my pleading;
at such sad times know no peace,
For I'm the him" she's leading
-Br00klNn Ed0Ie.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1903-11-14
PROPERTIES FOR SALE.

The first tract contains about 58 ACRES OF
WOODLAND, portion of the Camp Chapel -
tract, in the 11th district, fronting on the -
Philadelphia road. near the 13-milestone and at
the intersection of the Philadelphia and Camp
Chapel roads, adjoining the lands of William III.
Knight, John Smith and others. mo. 345.
The second tract contains about 70 ACRES OF
GROWING TIMBER, a short distance west of
the Philadelphia road, near the emile stone, in
the 14th district. The neighborhood is good and
thickly settled. Further particulars given on
application to the undersigned. Address,
No. 346. LONGNECKER BROS,
June I.-tf. Real Estate, Towson. Md.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1903-11-14

A GENTLE HINT trust, Mr..
Browne" said the Germantown
young lady to the young man who
was about to depart, "that you will
spend one more evening with us be-
fore we move into our new house"
Delighted, I assure you" replied
the yonng man, beaming with salts
faction. "By the way, when do you
expect to move 7"
II am not positive as to the exact
date" she answered, "but the work.
men began excavating for the foun-
dation yesterday, and we expect if
the work goes on without Interrupt
ton to be able to move in about eigh-
teen months"
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1903-11-14
business and RESIDENCE PROPERTY
ID AT PRIVATE SALE.

We offer for sale the ARGE DWELLING
a. AND BUSINESS STAND at Notre -
III Dame Station, Maryland and Pennsyl- -
vania Railroad, within few minutes ride from
Baltimore city, in a thickly settled and rapidly
growing section and one OF the city's suburbs.
All necessary outbuildings. including stabling
for 25 horses and ample carriage room for first
class livery. To the right man a rare opportu-
nifty is here offered. Part of purchase money
No. 257] LONGNECKER BROS,
Oct. N.-tf Real Estate, Towson, Nd
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1903-11-14
NOR SALE.

FARM OF 20 ACRES, more or less, on the Es
Jarrettsville turnpike. miles from MerediJn's
Ford Bridge and ii miles from Baltimore; i'm
proved by a small house, bank barn, wagon
tivation except 4acres we'll watered by springs
and branches, one spring particularly being
noted for its fine water; also, an artesian well
at the dwelling. 1t is well fenced, kind soil,
easily titled. It has all conveniences, such as
schools, churches, stores shops, etc., and is we'll
supplied with all kinds of fruit nice quiet neigh
borhood and very healthy. Apply to
No. 334. LONGNECKER BROS,
Nov. 2L-tf. Real Estate, Towson, Md.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1903-11-14

"How DID you ever manage to
get on the good side of that crusty
old uncle of yours?" asked Fan,
Fed him the good things he liked
when he came to visit u.s." replied
Nan. 1.-THE good side of any man is
his inside"
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1903-11-14

JoHNNY-"I wish my folks would
agree upon one thing and not keep
me all the time in worry"
Tommy-"What have they been
doing now?"
Johnny-"Mother won't let me
stand on my head, and dad is all the
time ftissing because I wear my shoes
out so fast"
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1903-11-14
EOR SALE.

A VALUABLE FARM in Long Green Nsa
Valley, Baltimore county, near Baldwin Station,
Maryland and Pennsylvania Railroad. The farm
contains 1872 ACRES. one hundred acres of which
is under cultivation; balance in good timber
tract, sufficient for the use Of the farm. The
land is in good state of cultivation and is well
watered by streams and springs. There Is also
a variety of fruit trees in bearing. The inn
provements consist of a Frame Dwelling, large
Bank Barn, Tenant House and other buildings;
soil productive and easily cultivated; very near
railroad station; churches and schools convent
ent. For further particulars as to terms, etc.,
address, LONGN NECKER BROS,
No. a55 Real Estate, Towson, Md.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1903-11-14

WHEREVER I get an umbrella"
said the prudent citizen, "I put my
name on it" 80 do l." answered
the man without conscience. "The
person who used to own 1t isn't so
likely to identify it."
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1903-11-14

BEAMING-''R Remember" admon-
ished the reverend gentleman, when
you begin to notice the mote in your
neighbor's eye there is pretty certain
to be beam in your own" That's
right, +" replied Sinnickson; ''it makes
the average mans whole face beam to
find mote in his neighbor's eye."
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1903-11-14

FIRST RoosTER-"What did you
say when she threatened to go home
to her mother ?" Second Rooster
"I just gave her the laugh. You
know she was raised in an incubator" +"
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1903-11-14

GEN. HAwLEY says: "The coun-
try will not be safe until every Amer
lean is politician. All right, gen.
eral, sit down; it's safe.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1903-11-14

A we'll kno wn COUNTRY HOTEL, on one -
of the main thoroughfares leading to the Y.:i
city. Substantially improved and within ten
miles of Baltimore. Possession will be given at
ooce ADply to LONGNECKER BROS,
TNo. 1851 Zeal Estate, Towsop, Md.
Aug. LII
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1903-11-14

EARTH HAS nothing more tender
than a pious woman's heart.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1903-11-14

DISGUISE OUR bondage as we will,
'tis woman rules us all.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1903-11-14

NOTICE TO CREDIAORS.
THIS is TO GIVE NOTICE. That the subscri-
Der has obtained from the Orphc ps' Court of
Baltimore coCuty, letters testarentary on the
o'"'0 GEORGE H. ELDER OF r.,
late of said county, deceased. ALI pei 1s
having claims against the said estate are hereby
warned to exhibit the same, with the vouche 3
thereof, to the subscriber,
On or before the ed day of May, 1904;
They may otherwise by law be excluded from all
benefit of said estate. All persons indebted to
said estate are requested to make immediate
October, 1903. JERVIS SPENCER, JR.,
Oct. 3l.-4t Executor.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1903-11-14

"THAT BOY of yours what went to
college could do some wonderful lift
ing with the clubs and dumbbells.
Eyes, but 1 always thought more
of the other ones lifting powers"
Ibid he lift dumbbells and the
like ?"
"No; he lifted the mortgage"
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1903-11-14
John g. E7lsOT, Solicitor, T0tcsO7s, Md.
ORDER OF PUBLICATION.
REBECCA J. HARRIS, r,c IN IHE a
PLAINTI &c. - oo"A
vs. D
GEORGE r.. HARRIS, o11nInmUHH 1nI,1n1l
DEFENDANT, ~ Eo,1frv


The object of this suit is to procure divorce
a virculo matrimonii by the plaintiff from the
defendant.
The bill states that the parties were married
January 11th, 1894, and the abandonment took
place on the 14th of January, 1901. and that be-
fore and since such abandonment the defend
ant has committed the crime of adultery with
divers lewd women that there are two minor
children born of said marriage; that the plain
tiff is a resident of Baltimore county, State of
Maryland, and the defendant is a nonresident
OF the State of Maryland.
It is thereupon ordered this 2Sth day of Octo-
be-, 1903 that the plaintiff, by causing copy of
this order to be inserted in some newspaper
Published in Baltimore county once in four
successive weeks before the 30th day of Novem-
ber, 1903 give notice to the said absent defend
ant of the object and substance of this bill and
warning him to appear in this Court, in person
or by solicitor,
On or before the 10th day of December, 1908,
to answer the premises and show cause, If any
he has, why decree should not be passed as
prayed
True Copy-Test:
N. BOSLEY MERRYMAN, Clerk.
October 28th, 1908
0at 2I-hf