The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1903-07-15
The Mishaps Of
OF Andy Perdue
By JAMES BALL NAYloR

E lulled by the genial warmth of
my office fire, and the low, moaning
voice of the winter wind outside. For,
when 1 suddenly shook myself,
yawned, and sat erect in my chair,
became aware of the presence of jim
Whiss-seated in his accustomed place,
and calmly and contentedly pulling at
one of my cigars; and had mot heard
him enter. He was leaning forward,
his elbows upon his knees, his eyes
fixed upon the gas blaze, as though he
were striving to stare it out of coun.
tenance.
Hearing me stir he swept me pierc.
ing glance from under his jutting
brows, and remarked:
"Been snoozin', amt you?"
/ nodd'ed-and' again yawned.
didn't hear me come in, did you?'r
I shook my head-once more yawn>
ing.
Say, look here!" he growled testify
"Seems to me I'm goin' to find YOU
mighty poor. company, tonight.
You're gapin' like mudcat out O. wa
ter; must be sleepier'n OF Andy Per.
due was the time he rolled off'n his
kitchen roof"
"How was that, Jim?" I asked
clapping my hands over my mouth to
stifle another yawn.
"Never told you, didn't II"
"No."
"Never told you nothin' bout OIL
Andy ?"-with q shy glance-half in
credulous.
"Never-not that I recall"
SWELL, l will--if you'll promise not
to go to sleep on my hands, like you're
in the habit O. doin'."
81 promise"
"All right, then-an' here goes"
He proceeded with his rambling
"reminiscences of old Andy Perdne,
punctuating his tiresome drivel with
measured puffs at his shortening cigar
and an occasional sigh of regret, as
he noted the rapidly accumula ting ash
on the lighted end. listened with
what interest could summon, study
ing his profile upon the wall-as usual
and offering nod or grunt, at in
tervals, to keep him going. For have
learned that Jim Whiss is like per-
verse and erratic clock that insists on
striking out of all order and prece-
dent; there is no stopping him until he
has run down.
"Ol' Andy Perdue," he began, twas
a Quaker by birth, an lived out at Fox
town, some 30 or 40 years ago. Was a
kim o. carpenter an cabinet maker
an the slowest, sleepiest, LATEST,
dilatoriest mortal that ever drawed
the breath of life. Wy, he was so
darned lazy he didn't want to die
feared he might have to kick an strug-
gle little, right at the end. His wife
am boy went off on visit one time, al i
was gone a week. Andy was too lazy
to cook his own meals; an jest turned
in an slept the whole seven days an
nights. The time he fell off'm his own
kitchen he was patchin' the single
roof; an he went to sleep in the bilin'
sun, an rolled off. Jest waked up long
enough, as he Topped over the cave
trough, to holler-T say dead!' an
then hit the ground kerslap-an' went
to sleep ag'in.
San slow-he was slower n the
eeven-year itch! Feller took baby
cradle to him, one time, to have a new
rocker put on it. Well, sir, that pr
tic'Iar piece O. furniture was kicked
round the shop fer over 20 years. Then
one day Andy gifts in a splutter an
drawls:
"'By the way, I've neglected to fix
Solomon Rafter's baby crib, thee
knows; an 1 must do it right away
"The blamed lazy OF scamp pitched
in an put on new rocker, shouldered
the cradle, an toted it home. An
what do you s'pose?"
II can't form supposition, JIM"
I smiled.
'Well, sir" he resumed with an air
of convincing earnestnesss "maybe you
won't believe it, but OF Sol met him al
the door, a'bowin' an a-smilin, an
says:
"I'm nightly glad you've got that
cradle done an brung it home, Andy;
we're needin' tan 1 was Jest start
in to come over after it. The gal we
wanted to rock in it has got baby of
'sr own, now, an we was wantin' this
cradle pow'rful bad. Thank you ever
SO much fer bein' SO prompt an ac-
commodatin'.
'W'y, the OF poke was so slow peo-
pie used to leave standin' orders for
collins, years ahead. I worked for OF
Andy one winter; an know all about
it. Teller from Stonebury come into
the shop one day, an says:
"'Where's Andy?'
"'Out,' said I.
"'Be back soon?' says he.
"'Can't say. Nobody knows but
him; an chances is that he don't. Want
TO see him on business2'