The Intermountain Catholic. (Salt Lake City [Utah] ;) 1899-1920, 1903-02-14

1
pass?" asked the friend.
1.-The same as usual" answered Mr.
Bliggings, sourly. Twenty minutes Of
| turkey and mince pie and now si2
weeks of pepsin are before me-
o
| Grandpa-I hate to see you cry, but
| you know L can't let you do just as
| you please.
Miriam-Oh, grandpa! I didn't think
you could be so obstinate.
David-You don't mean to say she
rejected your proposal?
Jonathan-Hardly that; she was sort
of nom committal, so to speak. She
said when she felt like making a foo
of herself she'd let me know.
30
Have you weighed anchor YETI" de-
manded the new commodore of the
yacht club.
AYE, aye. sir" answered the petty
officer, touching his hat.
Then why" Numbered the commo-
dore, don't you announce the weight?'
Village Swain-Lovely moon. amt
there, Sally?
Sally (revisiting her home)-Nuthin'
to what we as in town.
Hi, Bill, look here! I weighs four
pounds moren you!"
Jaw. y'r cheatin', Swinny. Youse
got y'r hans in y'r pockets"
Papa (the night before Christmas)-
What are you crying for, Jimmie?
Jimmie-Harry Fuller's legs are fat
ter than mine.
Regey Backbay-Miss de Mudd, are
you at all interested in psychology?
Miss de Mudd-Oh, yes, very much
indeed! But know 1 should break
my neck if 1 tried to ride one.
What supports the sun in the heav-
ens?'' asked the country school
teacher.
why, it's beams, of course" replied
a precocious youngster.
The Bore-Haven't 1 met you some
where before?
The Other Man-If you have it was
entirely unintentional on my part,
assure you.
naturally disturbed. II hope you didn't
spend much money while you were down
town today" he remarked.
mot cent. except car fare, George, y
everything charged
THE DOCTORS SCRAWLS.
Druggist-But | advertised for pre-
experience in the drug business.
Applicant-No, but I'm just the man
for you. My speciality has been EgyptoI-
ogy, and I'm great at deciphering hero
glyphicS.
NO SEMI I'TY THERE
Rashley-Talk about perpetual youth.
believe if a fellow only goes in for the
pleasures of life; champagne, late sup
pers and all that sort of thing he'll never
grow old.
Wiseman-Thats right. He'll die first.
NOT ON THE LINE.
REASSURING.
Patient-I seem to be a little better
doctor. but I'm still short of breath.
Doctor-My treatment, madam will stOo
that altogether.
HER USE FOR IT.
II want to get camera said young
Mrs. MotherweI.
Yes; ma.am," said the clerk. What
why. the smallest, I guess said she.
dreamily. IT want one that's suitable to
take the picture of a two-mouths-old
heard of my engagement to Mr.. jerks?
Miss Ascott-Yes. and I confess 1 was
surprised. You told me once that YOU
wouldn't marry MIN for a million dollars
Miss Mainchantz-I know, dear but l
discovered later that he had two mil
lions.
AS an editor Horace Greeley had be-
come weary of the constant repetition
of the word "the" in opening sentences.
One issue of his paper in particular ex-
asperated him. Almost every item had
its opening paragraph begin with
the" This lack of judgment on the
part of his writer's in the choice of
words received attention. Greeley wrote
a note. This notice he requested to be
posted in the editorial room and caused
copies of 1t to be sent to correspond
ants. The order read:
Under no circumstances must the
word the be used in the opening or
subsequent paragraphs of a news ar
ticle. In sentences within a paragraph
it will be tolerated if used with mod
GRAFTON. If you cannot write a para