Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1903-03-16
1884, ~
- %'s.>

Doctor-Have you heard of Mr.
Blanks death? Friend-No. Are you
sure he's dead? DoctOr-POsitive.
treated him myself.-Chicago Daily
News.
Mamma-Why, Bobbie! Crying at
the table? What is the matter? Bobby
quite sobby)-The's four kinds Of cake,
an I'm only hungry enough to eat two.
Brooklyn Life
Positive Testimony: you needn't tell
me- averred Miss Batchgurl, that
golf isn't good exercise. 1t makes the
young men SO strong in the arms that
that you can scarcely breathe. Chi
cago Tribune.
She-You certainly wouldn't marry a
girl for her money, would you? He
or course not. Neither would l have
the heart to let her become an old
maid merely because she had money
Chicago Daily News.
Mrs. Aufait-Now, Nora, be very
careful of this cut-glass punch-bowl.
1t cost a mint Of money. NOra-1n-
an l drapped 1t three times Already.
an niver faxed it.-I.lfe.
Trouble in Store: Young Husband Ito
wife)-Didn't | telegraph you not to
bring your mother with you? Young
Wife, know; that's what she wants
to see you about. She read the tele-
gram!-St Louis Mirror.
Entirely too particular: Terrence
with the hod)-Yer not workin', Din
ME. Are yez out of job? Dennis
Sure. OF fell off nine sthory buildin'
Yesterday. an OF got mad and quit.
Terrence-Aw, go on. Yer too sinsl-
tive.-Judge.
Claribel- told me you were
never going to write to young Hank
inson again. Angie-He's written me
a dozen letters l haven't answered.
but In his last one he left page out,
and | had to write and ask him what
it was about. Chicago Tribune.
No cause for suicide: Miss Dream
ier-When you stood on the brink Of
Niagara, and looked into the seething,
surging, unfathomable depths below,
did you not feel that you would like
to jump in? Mr.. Tourier-NO, l hadn't
received by hotel bill then.-New York
Weekly.
Aids to discrimination: Doctor
James, did that lady in the waiting
room come In her own coach or troll
ley car? Servant-Trolley car, sir!
Doctor-Thanks. l couldn't tell from
her dress whether to prescribe three
months at Newport or sulphur and
mOlasses.-Puck
Failure: IL thought Spoonamore
was going to marry Miss Garlinghorn,
but see she has let him get away"
Yes; her father didn't appear to he
at all anxious for the match, and her
mother was little too anxious. She
lost him on account Of bad team
ork-Chicago Tribune.
Fallen Off A colonel Of an infantry
regiment, while inspecting his com.
mand, happened to be thrown from his
horse, and as he lay sprawling on the
ground. said to brother officer, who
ran to his assistance: II thought l had
improved in Workmanship. but l find
have fallen off.'-Illustrated Bits.
Trouble ahead: Weary WILHELM
gettin' little nervous about desc here
: flying machines. Flooding Pete-Why
nervous? Weary Willie-Well, as soon
as dey gifts flying machines dey'll be
gittin' aerial freight trains. and II
don't he no cinch gettin' chucked of
; an aerial freight train. femme tell yer
Puck.
Disproving an idiOm: MA" re-
marked the small boy, isn't it funny
that everybody calls little brother q
bouncing baby!' why do you think
1t is funny. William?' returned his
,, mother. because when dropped
him off the porch this morning he
didn't bounce bit. He just hollered ,
It'll Bits.
The Bride (weepingl-Oh. J-Jack
we've-we've got to, j-just got to give
up b-boarding, and ego to h-house-k
keeping-g. Hubby-Why, lovey, what's
, the matter? The Brde-AIrs. Worrits
has been telling me all afternoon about
the trouble she has with cooks, and
didn't have anything to tell her.-Har
per's Bazaar.
, The hotel of 2UO3: Clerk Michael
are you about through moving those
trunks? Porter-Yis. sor; in a few
? minutes. Clerk-Well. when you'v,
3 finished, stretch the life net over the
2 front pavement. Mrs. Hlibawl has JUS
2 telephoned from the top floor that hel
r husband has fallen out of the window
! Smart Set.
Automobile proverbs: ITO auto OF
to be autoed. that is the question.
An auto in the hand Is worth two il
the repair shop" He who autoes ant
rides away will live to auto another
day." Run over others as they would
run over you and-do it first" "'rt
have raced and lost is better than no
= to have raced at all. "-Maryville CKan