Condon globe. (Condon, Gilliam Co., Or.) 189?-1919, 1903-04-30
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Short Stories
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A gentleman who was discussing
with the late DIR, Parker the problem
Of future existence exclaimed: The
fact is, sir. | am an annlhllationist, |
believe that when | die that will be
the end Of me-" THANK God for
that" DR.. Parker replied, as he show
ed his companion the door,
In his "reminiscences OF George
Washington. Or. Edward Everett Hale
tells OF the generals anger at Mon,
mouth. when he met General Lee,
Washington asked Lee why such a
column was retiring, and Lee said that
the American troops would not stand
the British bayonets, Washington re-
piled; "You d-n poltroon, you have
never tried them"
The appointment of Vice Admiral
Lord Charles Beresford to the com,
mand of the English Channel squad.
ron has brought to light new anec-
iote. II appears that he consulted Sir
Frederick Treves, whom King Edward
considers the, hest doctor In the world.
TELL me the symptoms" said Treves.
| AS the admiral enumerated them the
doctor became more and more inter
ested. Excellent, charming. splen'
did," cried Sir Frederick. as the symp.
toms were unfolded to him, and when
the list was completed. said: My
dear fellow, let me congratulate you.
You have the rarest case OF the cen,
tury. You are the lucky dog that here
tofore was thought to be extinct"
The chief wit of the laboratories of
the Sheffield Scientific Schools OF Yale
University is chemist who has an
unconQuerable affection for an ancient
tan-colored slab" coat that has long
stood guard between sulphuric acid
and its grateful owner; hence 1t is full
Of holes. Being criticised in a Josh
ing bout on account OF his holy"
coat, the reactlonary butt found an
opening for one Of his clever remarks
Never You mind about the holes In
my coat" said he. 'these holes are all
right, and don't you make any mistake
about 1t. They are the most useful
things In a coat. II there were no
holes in coat. how the devil could you
get into it, and these holes In particu-
lar, they are the most useful holes In
the world; they save washing; all you
have to do Is to use ,em when you
want to wipe your hands on your coat,
and you don't get the coat dirty. II
you had holes a-plenty you wouldn't
need any coat at ALL"
William E. Curtis says that when a
certain new Senator delivered his first
great speech in Congress. and was
looking around for compliments he ap,
preached Senator John P. Jones, the
venerable philosopher FROM Nevada,
Willie the latter was smoking his post
luncheon cigar in the cloak.room of the
Senate. Did you hear my speech on
the Philippine question:" inquired the
Senator. 81 certainly did," was the
reply. May l ask you what you
thought of itT' On good speech"
calculated Jones. The young Senator's
face lighted up with pleasure at the
compliment as he resumed in a con-
fidential way: Senator Jones, you are
the father of the Senate, and | am the
youngest child, and l should like to
ask your advice. Having heard my
speech, you can see what am capa-
BILE of, and l would be grateful II you
would be good enough to tell me
whether, in your opinion, 1t would be
better for me to speak frequently or
hold myself in reserves? Young
man." said the Senator, you've got a
d-n good vocabulary, and IL you'll
take my advice you won't make any
more speeches until you have cult
vated your intellect up to it."