New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1903-11-09
THE TALK OF THE DAY.

At small seaside English resort a spirited and
generous townsman has presented a number Of
free seats for the promenade, each adorned with
an iron label stating that Mr. Jones Of this town
presented these seats for the public use The
is his. and ne made Neutrality-suspicious.
Right In Line-Hicks-He's trying berry cult
ure now you know; and ne says he's having con-
siderable success.
Hicks-Yes. although he admits the returns are
Wicks-WeIl. that sounds natural You might call
that Success with Small Fruits. -(CathoHc
Standard and Times.
Partisan woman who did not pay her rent
played neat trick on the police She had repu-
tation for violence and when the bailii called he
took the precautfon of bringing a police commits
sary with him. The wreathed IN smiles
when she opened the door to the two officials. and
she assisted them with the utmost amiability in
drawing up an inventory of her furniture. with
view to eventual sale at public auction When
the business completed she conducted the
bailih and the police officer to the front door, but
the latter locked. Gentlemen" the woman
marked with amlabIe smile. you are my pris-
oners. You have been so courteous and consider
that I should be Ioath to lose your company.
Therefore. have locked the front door and thrown
the key out Of the window. This fiat is on the
fourth floor. The door is an exceptionally strong
one. and your joint efforts would be powerless to
force it open. The next door fat and that on the
floor beneath are both unoccupied- Consequently,
1t would be idle to expect assistance from any one
in the house. The only thing tor you to do Is to
hollOa out of the window down into the street. and
make yourselves laughing stock" The woman
then sat down cOmplacently and waited. The
baii and the police omcer. convinced that she had
q key Of the front door somewhere in her posses
sion, reasoned with her for long time. but in
vain. Some four hours Of captivity elapsed before
they could make up their minds shout and ges-
ticulate at the window. When they did so a crowd
rapidly collected in the street. Every one thought
a crime had been committed. People who knew
already relating with circUmstantial details
how elderly woman had been murdered In the
fourth floor fat Policemen arrived. and. striding
through the crowd. boldly walked upstairs where.
with the aid OF locksmith. they opened the door
and found themselves face to face with their own
chief The latter. with the bailiT. made off in a
cab hurredly and as inconspicuously as he could
manage it.
Wanted 20 Square Him-A professor Of matnz-
MATES dreamed that his under the
radical sign and he could not get him out. A Bos-
ton drawing teacher had similar experience. She
during the night her Sister heard her gropng about
w nat are you nunung TOT Mary inquired the
ter ''''''H nc
Among the interesting stories told by Lord Rob
erts is the following: "Commandant General Botba
told when in London few months ago that on
occasion during the he did not retreat
with the rest OF the Beers but slept the night OF
a
of where l was sleeping. and that he was only
able TO escape the next morning BY Joining one Of
mounted patrols and passing himself of as a
colonist in our employ! That is a difficulty we al
ways had. The Beers could come and go =, on
camp without our knowing who they were as we
had many people of the country In our employ
THE DOG.
The dog is eoquently built
For would he speak his joy guilt.
With either end OF him he may
The secret Of his heart display.
Some very decent dogs are yellow
But those who early bark and below
Against the bright tnnOcuous moon
Should do IL less not soon
The dog he Is to say the least
y very interesting beast
There's only one bad kind OF him.
All other dogs are cherubm-
L'Envoi
The kind OF dog l mean IS he
That's owned by some one else than me.
-(Harper's Magazine
The young minister delivering his first set
sermon on THE Church" He traced the steps she
had trod told OF her achievements OF her heroes
and martyrs and. warming 20 the subject. became
eloquent "Such. my friends. is the church. Noble
grand steadfast, holding that which Is good. slim
ulating encouraging. fostering teaching. Such Is
the church, With foot firmly established on
a rock the other pointing TO the skies"
He's what I call good loser"
"He didn't seem that way TO me-
why. 1 him lose $40 at poker last night
and he didn't kick az all.
day when he dropped a half dollar and IL rolled
down IL culvert"-(Catholic Standard and Times.