The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1903-12-16
THE NONPAREJL MAN

The Ingenious Sexton and How, with the
Assistance of the orsanist, He OBJ
tanned the Key to the church-"skate
Sailing" and Some of Its Pleasures
and Pains-How to Obtain Your Wife's
Opinion of Your Folly.
When the sexton arrived at the church
the other Sunday he found that he had
lost the key. There was nothing to do
but to wait for the organist, tall and
willowy lady with a distingue air. She
was carefully lifted into the chancel win
dow and at once struck a few chords on
the organ so as to get the key. With
this the sexton opened the doors and
everything was all right again. Then you
should have heard the triumphant peal
that the organist tore off with the facility
of a hungry small boy tearing the peel
from ripe banana. How inspiring good
organ music really is.
Did you ever try skate sailing? 1t
is rare sport. All you have to do is to
follow the instructions laid down in some
good sporting paper or magazine, and
make you sail to be carried in the hands,
according to the designs given. Then
the first thing you know you are travelling
about a hundred miles hour. If you
don't strike a crack or run across a wire
these two latter things. you are not hay-
ing fun, but you will find a dent some
where on the ice and carry it home with
you and put arnica on it. You will also
be able to get your wjfe's opinion Of the
situa ton. Try it; it is great sport.
This is the time of year when father
sometimes stays out nearly all night to
help initiate the Holy Oolooah in the
Grand Lodge Of Ancient and Variegated
Patriarchs
What does Morgan care what Steel pre-
ferred does as long as he has that $25, 900
Faust and Schoeffer psalter in his library?
We are SO horribly prosperous that we
pulled thru Wall street attack all right.
Even a session of congress does not bother
us much.
| The Colombian army finds the walking
| very bad.
| Wheat may go to a dollar-sometime.
| Meantime the Peewees are wearing a foot
path from the bucketshop to the savings
| bank.
Mr.. Rockefeler's teeth give every indi-
cation that Miss Tarbell is again filing
dull saw for McClure's Magazine.
National Monthly Magazine published at
| Toronto. In a recent issue poet says:
Canadians, be loyal to the extent of one dollar,
And when asked to subscribe, don't make a hol-
Ter;
Know that in Canada it should never be
That a Canadian refuse the National Monthly.
There are various ways of indicating
ones faith in anything. Professor Man
ley, Professor Langley's hired man, said
he was sanguine of success" when he
started in the aerodrome, yet he was
barefooted and wore a life preserver.
DR.. Collier celebrated his eightieth BIRTH
, Boston Globe as one of our rising young
octogenarians A good many old boys
. keeping right up to date now.
? Better get father box of those nice
, | imported cigars, 100 for 81.
That Chicago doctor who never takes
a bath has doubtless discovered that it
1 is useless to do SO in that city.
The convicted boodlers of Missouri may
well say: Let us make the supreme
| court and we care not who makes the
| laws
Ii Oh, for Just one more sight of those
: old girls who used to scream and giggle
= when an eligible man was mentioned, who
. liked to have their hands held by moon
e light and who felt if they should sink
: if petticoat mentioned in their pres
: ence. Where are they now? Go ask youl
# grandma and see what she says. Perhaps
q she was there.
There is a good demand at the sub
= treasury in New York this week for nice
= new. crisp $4,000 bills for Christmas pres.
n ents. 1t seems that it is a fad among thC
= very rich to give this simple and mex
r pensive present to relatives and faithful
d retainers who are not troubled with veal
It hearts. If anybody cares to remember u
| in this simple and kindly way, instead o
| giving handkerchief, will try t,
e bear up. But only one, understand! NJ
II two presents of this character will b.
j. accepted at this bright and joyous Christ
II mastide. A. J. r.