The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1903-05-24
CONCERNING MARRIAGE.
"Old GOrgon Graham" Pork Packer,
Chicago, Writes to His Son.

From Letters from Self-made Merchant.
OF course you're in no position yet TO
think of being engaged even, and that's
why I'm little afraid that you may be
planning to get married But a twelve
dollar clerk, who owes So for roses, needs
keeper more than wife. / want to say
right here that there always comes a time
to the fellow who blows $50 at a lick on
roses when he thinks how many staple
groceries he could have bought with the
money. After all. there's no fool like
young fool, because in the nature Of things
mes got long time to live.
l suppose I'm tanning the air when
ask you to be guided by my judgment in
this matter, because, while a young fell
low will consult his father about buying
horse, he's cocksure of himself when ii
comes to picking a wife. Marriages may
be made in heaven. but most engagements
are made in the back parlor, with the gas
SO low that a fellow doesn't really get
square look at what he's talking. while
man doesn't see much of a girls family
when he's counting. he's apt to see a good
deal Of 1t when he's housekeeping; and
while he doesn't marry his wifes father
there's nothing in the marriage VOW to
prevent the old man from borrowing money
from him, and you can bet If he's old Job
Dashkam he'll do it. man can't pick
his own mother, but he can pick his sons
mother, and when he chooses a father-in-
law who plays the bucket shops, he needn't
be surprised if his own son plays the races
Never marry poor girl who's been
raised like rich one. She's simply traded
the virtues of the poor for the vices of the
rich without going long on their good
points. To marry for money or to marry
without money Is a crime. There's no real
objection to marrying a woman with a
fortune, but there is to marrying a fortune
with a woman. Money makes the mare
go, and it makes her cut up too unless
she's used to it and you drive her with a
snatfIe-bit.
While you are at il. there's nothing like
picking out good-looking wife. because
even the handsomest woman looks homely
sometimes, and so you get little variety
but a homely one can only look worse than
usual. Beauty Is only skin deep, but that s
deep enough to satisfy any reasonable man.
Il want to say right here that to get any
sense out of proverb l usually find
that l have TO turn il wrong side out }
Then. too. If a fellows bound to marry
fool. and lot of men have to if they re
going to hitch up into a well-ma tched team
there's nothing like picking a good-looking
one.
l believe in short engagements and long
marriages / don't see any sense in a fell
lows sitting around on the mourner's
bench with the sinners. after he's really got
religion. The time to size up the other
sides strength Is before the engagement
Some fellows propose 10 a girl before
they know whether her front and her
back hair match. and then holler that
they're stuck when they find that she's got
cork leg and a glass eye as WELL /
haven't any sympathy with them.
They start out on the principle that mar
ried people have only one meal day. and
that of fried oysters and tutti-frutti ice
cream after the theater. Naturally a
girls got her better nature and her best
complexion along under those circum-
stances: but the really valuable thing to
know is how she approaches ham and eggs
at a. m, and whether she brings her COM
plexion with her to the breakfast table.
And these fellows make girl believe that
they're going TO spend all the time between
and IL p. m. for the rest of their lives
holding a hundred and forty pounds, live
weight. in their lap, and saying that IL
feels like feather. The thing TO find out
is whether, when one of them gets up to
holding ten-pound baby in his arms, for
five minutes. he's going TO carry on as II
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