davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1903-07-22

INcoNvENrENTLY LoNG.-The late Rev
DR.. Boardman of Philadelphia, used tc
relate the following on himself: y
preached funeral sermon at one time
and spoke on the Resurrection. l an
sure that I spoke longer than was my
custom.
1.-The undertaken was man Of nerv-
Gus temperament, and as the afternoon
was going he began to be anxious te
be on the way to the cemetery. He fl
nally whispered to one of my mem
bers: Does your minister always
preach as long as that at funeral"
".Well,' said the brother, that Is
good Sermon
Yes said the undertaken, the SER
mon is all right. and I believe in the
Resurrection, but am afraid II he does
not stop pretty soon I will not get this
man buried in time .'"-Philadelphia
Ledger.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1903-07-22

THE FORCE OF ExAMPLE.-A gentle
man who has just returned from Guat'
emala vouches for this parrot story. A
good woman of the city had olro
which she priced highly, but It hae
one bad habit. Whenever she came II
in the morning the bird would e1acu'
late:
"Oh, I wish to the Lord the old Wo'
man was dead!"
She confided to the minister and ne
suggested sending his parrot over
adding that by association the lady's
bird would learn nice phrases.
A day or two later, when the woman
entered the room, her parrot ejacula'
ted, as usual:
"Oh, 1 wish to the Lord the old wo.
man was dead!"
Whereupon the minister's bird cock
ed its head to one side and fervently
added:
1.-The Lord hear our prayer!"
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1903-07-22

INsuLrEp AT LAsT.-"Did you see
that notice Of your marriage In the
papah, Weginald?"
Nav, old chappie. What did II
say?"
said you acted dishonowably III
wunning away with the girl"
Nav! Well, NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS.
don't know anything anyway"
1T said the girl was too good ror
you."
"Aw-I don't mind"
1T said you was a dude and dlan
have any brains, y knaw.'
"Aw-did it? Well. I don't mind.
1T said you didn't know anything
outside Of dwess."
81 don't care, old chappie."
"And it said your collah was out OF
style now" -
Nav, old fellah. you-aw-don't mean
that"
That's what it said."
by Gawge, it's insulting. W-"ha'
papah was it, Oscah? rll-rll-dam-
me, I'll sue it fab libel. l wont-a"-
stand it."-Brooklyn Eagle.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1903-07-22

Life1ike, humorous aud entertain
ing. All the sentiments are sound and
good. One Of the kind of books which
can be read aloud and hold the inter-
est In every chapter to the end
BosroN WATcHMAN.
The friends of Mr.. Harden will be
glad to learn that In this later novel
his genius has at last struck the trail
which leads over the mountains to
fame. A vivid impersonation of types.
The humor of Abner Daniel is as nat
ural to the situation as the suns shin
Ing against the gray mountain sides.
The story is vital and we'll construct
ed.-INpEPENDENT, New York.
Abner Daniel is book that can be
enjoyed by large class OF readers
SAN FRANCISCO Posr.
The character sketching is done with
q light and spontaneous touch that Is
very engaging. The humor Is fire.
ouent and sometimes of that overpow-
ering quality described in the stereo-
typed way as "rresistibly funny"
The double love story running through
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1903-07-22

REPARTEE In CHURcH.-The frlenoiy
and familiar atmosphere OF the aver
age small rural western church some
times gives rise to embarrassments
DR.. David Is a prominent man In lit
tie far western church, and he generally
takes a quiet little doze during the
sermon. Sister Sarah is an elderly
long-winded woman, who likes 10
"exhort" after the preacher has con-
cluded his remarks. Not long ago, al
a night service, Sister Sarah arose
and discoursed at great length. The
listeners became visibly restiVe. Dr'
David also arose and said. bluntly:
sister Sarah, 1t would be an impo-
sition to detain this congregation any
longer"
with flashing eyes, Sister Sarah re-
torted:
"'Taint no impersition to you, doc
tor: you've tuck your nap"
Then the clergyman. with upli1teo
hands, said benignly; Let US be dls-
missed" Journal.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1903-07-22

gentleman. Most Of them said that he
was hog, and the others said he had
no sense. So, after awhile. Mr.. Wild
Boar's grin turned to pout, and final
ly he grew as mad as ever he could
get.
But the worst came when the little
animals gathered at safe distance
and laughed at him and threw stones
over his way. The boar could endure
it no longer. He slipped away into
the woods. threw his tobacco In the
creek and smashed his pipe into thou
sand tiny pieces on a great big stone.
Then he put heavy stone In his hat
and sank 1t to the bottom Of the
spring.
"I'll never try such foolish trick as
that again." he wisely said.
Moral.-Fine clothes and tobacco
smoke don't make the gentleman
Chicago Tribune.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1903-07-22

the book is well sustained. Well worth
reading and has a marked original
ity.-NAsHvILLE BANNER.
The quaint, rough philosophy and
keen humor in Abner Daniel will ap-
peal to any reader. - ROME (Ga. }
TRIBUNE.
The love story or stories lin Abner
Daniel) may be compared to the
breath of violets in spring-sweet and
pure-with just enough of romance
and uncertainty to keep the interest at
the absorbing pitch from start to fin
ish. 1t is delightful book Tracy of
the soil. ."-RALE1GH IN. C.) NEws-
OBSERVER.
Abner Daniel is good reading from
cover to cover. Each character Is q
personality and one feels we'll ac-
quainted with every one of them long
before the end of the story.-cMcAco
INTRR-OcEAN.
Abner Daniel Is more of a story read
upside down than David Harum is.-
BUFFALO EXPRESS.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1903-07-22

AN INFANTILE ScHEMER.-"There
George. You not only broke mammals s
pretty dish. but you told her story
about it. which is much more naughty
Papa will be so grieved when I tell
him."
will he feel awful bad cause I did
it. mammal"
Yes"
I'm so sorry. / know what I'll do
mamma. I'll tell him you did it,
Cleveland Plain Dealer
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1903-07-22
Abner Daniel
BY WILL N. HARDEN
Just What You Want
Just When You Want It

This story begins in today's issue of The
Enquirer, and while entirely different in
character Abner Daniel will be found equally
as interesting as Graustark, the popular nov
el, which ended with the last issue. Read the
opening chapters of Abner Daniel i'm tOday's
issue of The Enquirer. It's good.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1903-07-22
Wednesday, July p, 1903.

which had been attracted by the bait,
and which had been choked to death
when the trap was sprung. All the
other traps which had been set In va
rious places about the farm, contained
snakes, and on counting the kill it was
found that sixteen had been captured.
The smallest was a. trifie more than
foot in length, while the largest was
four feet and had eight rattles. II the
supply Of traps holds out Mrs. Dutro
expects to rid the Point Of snakes
Helena dispatch to st. Paul Pioneer
Press
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1903-07-22

Lawyer Smith," asked the stranger
of the colQred janitor in downtown
office building. .
DAY am er Mistah Sniff on de seek
on fiooh, sah," replied the venerable
African. "He all uster be er lawyer,
but he amt no moh."
What is he now?' asked the stran-
ger.
He amt muffin but er judge now.
sah," replied the old man.-Chicago
News.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1903-07-22

ExPEcTANT.-The country clergyman
was mailing refractory creeper to
piece of trellis work near his front
gate when he noticed that a small boy
had stopped and was watching him
with great attention.
well. my young friend" he said.
pleasantly. to see the interest he ex-
cited. "are you looking for hint or
two on gardenlng?"
No" said the youth. II be waiting
to hear what a parson says when he
hammers his thumb.''-Tit-B Bits.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1903-07-22

IL You can't be dead sure that a
young man is saving to get married
Just because he stops smoking cigars
and begins to smoke a pipe."-Boston
Globe.
No, he may be smoking the pipe to
get even with the neighbors.-CleVeland
Plain Dealer.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1903-07-22

AZ The cynical man Is amusing at
times: but, like nitro -glycerine, apt to
be heard from most inopportunely.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1903-07-22

III 1t is only the dyspeptic who uses
his heart. -.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1903-07-22

tt If you would keep a mans love,
refrain from being too nice to him.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1903-07-22
CHESTER.

| child was 2 years, months and 2 days
old. Mr.. and Mrs. Atkinson have the
sympathy Of their many friends
throughout the county in this sore
loss. Mr.. A. M. Aiken will sail to-
day from Savannah, Ca, for New
York, where he goes to accept posi-
ton with Bennett, Sloan & Co., whole
sale grocers. After a brief stay In
New York acquainting himself with the
stock, he will travel in the states of
Georgia and Florida. Mrs. w. j.
Hindman and two daughters, Misses
Nora and Matte, after spending some
time in the city with relatives, left
last night for Yorkville, where they
will visit before returning to their
home in Charlotte, N. C...... .Mr. w.
M. Grier, travelling agent for the News
and Courier. was in town yesterday
in the interest Of that paper. The
work is comparatively new to him and
he likes it finely. He says that his
brother, Mr.. Ralph E. Grier, Is we'll
pleased with his work as city reporter
i
Wednesday morning Mrs. Maggie Har-
din Of Armenia, had the misfortune Of
losing her ginhouse by fire. Two bug
gies, wagon bed, farm implements
and a good supply of forage were de-
stroyed. Some of the cotton surround
ing the building was killed. The loss
amounted to about $3.50. There was
insurance on the building to the
amount Of $3.50. 1t is not known how
the fire originated. Last evening
at 9 o'clock Miss Elizabeth Clowney
and Mr.. David A. Coleman were mar
ried at the residence of Mr.. w. w.
Brice. brother-in-law Of the bride, the
ceremony being performed by Rev. j.
S. Moffatt. The marriage was a very
quiet affair. only a few intimate friends
being present. Mr.. and Mrs. Coleman
will go out to the home Of the groom's
father at Feasterville. While the mar
riage was not a surprise it was not
generally known before hand. few
persons got knowledge of it late yes
| terday afternoon. The bride for the
past few years has been the efficient
stenographer and typewriter for Cald-
we'll & CASTOR. attorneys. The groom
has spent three terms i'm the Medical
college in Louisville. KY, and will fin
ish the course this fall Both are we'll
and favorably known in town and
county. Miss Kathleen Hamilton
entertained her friends at a lawn party
at her home on Columbia street We'd
nesday evening. Delightful music was
furnished during the evening by Mrs.
Foster Hamilton and Misses Hamilton
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1903-06-07
DEATH OF JANITOR.
MONT BLANC sNowsLrpE.

Crashing, tearing, roaring, sweeping
everything before it, down, down, came
the snow and ice from Mont Blanc's
lofty summit. The little hamlet of Plus
que Mite is blotted out and lies be-
meath thousands of tons of ice. Great
blocks that had rested for e on
Blanc's side, o-verhanging crags of crys-
tai, pillars of curious design, all united
in forming the great envoy of destruc-
ton.
The path of the suddenly loosed
glacier is strewn with shattered beauty
and jagged ice canons mark the way of
the fury. Help from the continent is
arriving and America of the United
states has shown her sympathy for the
un%fortunates. Shiploads OF Douglas
Patent Closets are OH the road. Thus
speaketh Bath. the plumber.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1903-06-07
HAWAIIAN DEATH
RATE DECREASING

The death rate among the Hawaiians
showed a decrease last month. Out of
a total of seventy-two deaths, but TWEEN
ty-four were of native birth, which is a
considerably smaller proportion than
usual. Other nationalities are repre-
scented in the mortuary table as fol-
lows: Chinese, thirteen; Portuguese,
ten; Japanese, twelve; British, three;
American, eight. and other nationali-
ties, two.
During the month twenty-nine mar
riages and forty births were reported.
The mortality among infants was as
usual large, there being fifteen deaths of
children under one year of age.
The causes of death are summarized
as follows: FebriIe, four; diarrheal,
three; yenereal, TWO; dietetic, three;
constitutional, seventeen; development
tai, five; nervous, six; circulatory, six;
respiratory, nine; digestive, ten; uri-
nary, five; reproductive, one accident
and violence, one.
The report of the meat and fish in
spectors show that 1856 animals were
examined and one carcess condemned;
luke livers examined, 1S1; fish examin-
ed, 265, III, and fish condemned, LASS.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1903-06-07
CARTER CALLS
DOWN CHINESE

Secretary Carter adopted stern
measures toward claimants in the
Chinese fund who had essayed to
evade his strict requirements of
Identification and obtain the amounts
of their claims in spite of him. He
had occasion to doubt the identity of
some claimants and sent them away
to obtain indubitable credentials or
witnesses as each case might have
seemed to require.
The temporarily rejected Celestials
had too much sabee," as they thought,
of the regulations governing the mat
ter. They hied down town and pro-
cured witnesses to attest their iden-
THY before notaries. The certiic Gates
to be presented in the Auditors Office
have blanks for such notarial identi-
fcation, intended for the convenience
of claimants out of town.
AS fast as these notarial attestations
were presented to the Secretary of
the Territory he deposited them in a
convenient drawer and sent their
bearers about their business until fur
Their notice. When thirty-nine such
certificates had accumulated, Mr.. Car
ter sent for the claimants who had
turned them in, together with their
witnesses. As they responded, he told
them it was not his desire that they
should get into trouble, but he war;
ed claimants and witnesses that they
would be held strictly accountable to
the law for any false or fraudulent
representations on their part which
might be discovered.
Mr.. Carter hopes that the warning
will be sufficient to protect the fund
against impostors, at least so far as
the business is within his control.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1903-06-07
LAYING Is
BEGUN AT GUAM

Superintendent Gaines of the Com
mercial Gable Co. received a cable
gram yesterday notifying him that
work on the Midway-Guam section had
begun. 1t was further reported that a
passing warship, presumably the Brit
ish cruiser Amphitrite, en- route from
Honolulu to Yokohama, had given the
information that work had been begun
at Midway, and that everything on the
little island was in good shape. The
Amphitrite has probably arrived at
Yokohama whence her information
was received and conveyed to the local
cable Office.
The cablegram received by Mr..
Gaines stated also that the cable ships
Colonia and Anglia left Guam yester-
day. The Colonia is laying the cable
from Guam to Midway, while the Ang-
liza sailed directly for Midway. The
Colonia is expected to arrive at Mid
way on June goth and if there is no
delay in landing the shore end the
cable should reach here on schedule
time. July 3rd.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1903-06-07
Strong Fight Made Against 1t on
Ground That Mission Was
Unauthorized.
Bills Act Read Third Time But Not
~Passed--Tax Bureau Appropriation Bill
Passes Third Reading.

Yesterdays session of the House of
Representatives lasting until noon was
entirely occupied with the third read
ing of the Tax bureau appropriation
bill, which carries $4,000 and was
passed, and the third reading of the
bill making appropriations for back
bills of the Government, which did not
come to a vote on its passage. Most
of the time on the latter bill, outside
of its reading by the clerk, was taken
up with a successful fight for restor-
ing to the bill the item of $4,000 for
the expenses of and Commissioner
E. S. Boyd's trip to Washington.
There was no session of the Sen
ate, it being adjourned from Friday
till Tuesday.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1903-06-07
BOYD'S TRIP.

BOHDS TRIP.
The unpaid bills act having been
read a third time, Lewis moved to in
sert $4,000 for the expenses of Com
missioner Boyd's trip to Washington.
Long seconded the motion n ar
gued thai Boyd vas sent by order of
the Executive Council to protect his
department. He spoke of the work
done by Boyd at Washington as hav-
ing been effective. 1t caused a Con-
~gressional committee to defer action
on Hawaiian land matters.
Greenwich moved in amendment TO
make the amount $500. The item
lied account gave yer $1,000 for hotel
expenses and $347 for incidentals. 1t
appeared as an expensive trip, but he
was willing to allow $500.
Vida said if anything was to go in,
let it be the whole $4,000. If he was
sent lawfully on public business he
should travel like a prince and was
entitled to every dollar asked, the
speaker ironically concluded.
Keliinoi raised the point of order,
ruled not well taken by Vice Speaker
Knudsen, that the amendment was not
in order since the item was not in
the bill.
Paele supported the proposed reduc-
ton because there vas no law author
izing the commissioner to go to WASH
ington. They had a Delegate to Con-
ress TO look after the Territory's
interests. 1t was throng Boyd's
forts at Washington that the petition
OF natives and others to have lands
devoted to homesteads vas defeated.
Kaniho said the House by majority
vote on second reading had struck out
the bill because the commissioner was
sent by the Executive Council TO work
over the head OF h Delegate. He
had prevented the division of land
among the people in. 40 and so acre
homesteads. AS a member of the
Legislature of 1901. Kaniho recalled
the fact that no appropriation was
made for any such a mission TO Wash
ington. Outside of the House ne had
been regarded as partial to his race
because he voted to maintain Treas
urer K~epoikai's salary against reduc-
ton, but now he was opposing this
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1903-06-07

proposed vote to money to a native
official because it was contrary to law.
Yesterday the pay Of guards on Molo-
kai was refused on the same prlnc1-
pie. In 1901 they appointed the pres
ent Speaker of the House to meet
President Mckinley on the mainland,
but instead of appropriating public
money for his expenses they paid
them out of their own pockets. The
Executive Council had no authority for
sending Boyd to Washington and no
benefit had resulted from his trip.
Were they there to ratify the illegal
acts of the Executive Council? They
were not there to nod assent to the
doings of the Executive Council like
Chinese, but to protect the rights of
the people. The Commissioner knew
the law. but chose to break it at COM
mand of the Council. a message had
just been sent to him asking him to
support this item, but if he stood
alone he should vote against it because
it was contrary to law.
Lewis endeavored to show benefits
that accrued from Boyd's trip. the first
being the retention of $100,0 900 in the
treasury which otherwise would have
been sent to the mainland. Vida ask
ed him If the calling of tow or three
men into a room to bid privately on 20
or 80 lots in Lualualei was a part of
the benefits. The speaker went on
to say that lands were available for
those who took the trouble to ask for
them in the right way. He and others
did not have any difficulty. The great
trouble was lack of roads to home
stead lands.
After remarks by Gandal in support
of the item, the motion to insert it
carried by the following vote:
Ayes-Aylett, Chillingworth, Gan
dali. Haia, Harris, Kalama. Kealawaa,
Keliinoi. Lewis, Long, Nakaleka, Pail,
Pulaa and Wright-14.
Noes-Damien, Fernandez, Green
well, Kaniho, Kou. Kupihea, Oil, Pa
ele, Purdy n Vida-10.
DEATH OF JANITOR.
Vice Speaker Knudsen, on a motion
to adjourn, informed the House of the
death of the j%anitor. An appointment
to fill the vacancy vas deferred till
Monday.
The passage of the bill pending, the
House adjourned about noon until 10
o'clock Monday.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1903-06-07

forming what it is said will be one of
the most complete representations of
ancient Hawaiian life ever given in the
city.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1903-06-07
Father Valentine Laid Up.

Rev. Father Valentine is laid up at
Johnson,s sanitorium on account of an
injury sustained to his foot. Several
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1903-06-07
Will Show Old Hawaiian Life.

The Imiola Dramatic Club will give at
the Orpheum on Saturday evening a
series of fifteen tableaux and dances,
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1903-06-07

years ago the popular priest, who was
secretary to the late Bishop Ropert, met
with an accident, and of late he has
been compelled to use his foot so much
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1903-06-07
IN n HOUSE.

Senate bill No. II, appropriating 81
900 for the Tax bureau, passed third
reading by the affirmative votes of the
"a members present.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1903-06-07

that the old rouble has been renewed.
He is suffering a great deal and it may
be several weeks before he will be able
to be up and around again.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1903-10-22
THE PRINCETON UNIoN: THURSDAY, OCTOBER %. 1909
CAE.;.E !: ,,...l ELECTED.
eansas Rcforrlsr Insists on DoWie
Answering Questions.

Answering Questions.
New York, Oct 21.-Dr. Dowie, ar.
iayed in evening clothes, talked for
Two hours last night before a great
:hrong in Madison Square Garden, the
burden of his talk being denunciation
of the clergy and the press.
When he began the huge garden was
crowded and the police say 5000 per.
Sons who could not gain entrance were
turned away. In half an hour, how,
ever, the crowd began to surge out
and then the police refused to admit
any late corners, saying they feared a
riot.
1t was with some difficulty that any
semblance of order was kept. The
speaker was repeatedly interrupted
with Kisses and shouts of disapproval
Carrie Nation, who occupied a seat
near the front, asked ''Elijah" to
answer some questions. He refused
and ordered her to sit down.
DoWie then praised the. Z II
which Mrs Nation ha2 ware -
saloon, but said she used ..2~g
methods. Mrs. Nation again der ne.
ed the privilege of asking question
At once the Zion guards Surrounded
her and with the help of several DO.
Hcemen elected her.
Dowie attacked Rev DR.. Parkhurst
Rev. DR.. S. P. Henson, J. P. Morgan
and Others
DIR. Parkhurst has written an open
letter to Dcwie roasting the alleged
Elijah" for his coarseness and meth.
DDS