The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1903-07-15
HAMLET, PRINCE OF DENMARK.

!
Bernardo?
| Ber.-Cold as a college dean in septem-
1 Der But who approached hither?
Fran--'Tis nought but Horatio. Howdy,
| Horace?
Hor.-Good morrow. gents. The early
| sun doth gid the pinnacles of yonder
towers; with lusty shout the garbage
man his coming doth proclaim; and stil
our Hamlet snores-
Me feareth much his iaziness viii cost
him dear.
It's now high time his fathers ghost
We're here.
| enter nice, fat Ghost.)
ALL
Avount thee, ghost. and HE thee hence
away,
| Why dost thou stalkest through the
| streets by day?
CThe ghost sneezes.)
| Hor.-Now. by my troth 1 swear a
sneeze be snoze.
| Ber.-What, sneeze, A ghost?
Fran.-See. seel Away he goes
| Hor-
Stay. stay, and say upon what mission
bent
Thou shadow of dear departed gent.
exit ghost)
Ber.-He deigns US no response, the
sassy thing.
Fran.-Methinks I hear the getting-up
/ bell ring.
| (Enter Hamlet in his pajamas. rubbing
his eyes.)
Plague take the scoundrel who invented
bells
The harbingers of all our earthly ills.
They rouse US in the morn from pld eant
dreams;
They summons us to where the firehose
streams:
| At funerals their tolling makes US sad;
Al wedding feasts their pealing IL as bad.
For though man have ne er so much OF
trouble
His wedding bells foretell that it will
double.
Hor-Our Hamlet seems to be quite out
| of sorts.
Ber.-Just like all other tardy rising
sports.
Fran.-Teu US, Hammy dear, the reason
why you carry thus a countenance awry?
dam
Since you insist I will. had dream.
l dreamed / had a plate of peach ice
cream,
A great big plate, enough for twenty men,
With dish in hand 1 sought a shady glen.
Where DER the ground the creeping ivy
crept
And overhead the weeping willow wept.
Upon a messy bank sat me down
Far from the din of any noisome town.
-. round about me dainty bluebells
rang
While daffodils their daffy ditties sang.
The birdlets warbled from the leafy
boughs,
Whilst watchdogs answered with their
glad bowwewS.
As thus l sat, just tasting of my ice,
A e+yap0a btffan crashed mo like n
wise;
My eager thoughts fly fast, my fancles
reel,
Intoxicated with their new ideal.
Ahai-thought I-Pll climb the hill of
Fame:
BY doing stunts I'll win myself a name.
I'll be the first of mortals TO succeed
To find plenty where is mostly need.
This was the goal of my ambitious dream.
To find a genuine peach in peace ice
cream
Thus sat on the bank for many day,
o happy means to while the time away
Thro' wax and wane Of many silvery
moon
I dug nto that ice cream with spoon,
Until-my goal almost within my reach,
For was certain l would spy peach
| That blasted bell its horrid summons
rang
And out of bed quite wide awake l
sprang,
Hor.-AIasl Alack, A disappointing end.
To my sweet dream that did so much
portend.
Ber.-ssst! Hammy. ssst; The sassy
sprite returnsi
Ham.-what sprite7 My valiant mind
the idea spurns.
Fran.-See you he comes, fat un-
earthly ghost.
Soon we shall see IL Hamlet keeps his
boast.
AS for myself, the safest place is
hencei EXIT
Ber-Me too, EXIT
Hor-And me- here life's not worth
two pence! exit
Ham.-For all my boast. my limbs be
gin to quake.
(Enter Ghost.)
Thou pretty sprite, pray hence myself
betake,
Ghost-Egad. Gadzooks; Fie, fie, Tut,
tut! gosh
Ham.-Methinks his worthy ghostship
talketh bosh,
Ghost-sacre! Saprist! Arroint thee!
Jovel Great Scott,
Ham-Methinks the atmosphere is grow
ing hot,
Ghost-Ahl don't you recognize me.
Hamlet, lad?
Ham-Well, I'll be burned IL this ghost
isn't dad,
What br1ngeth thee to this terrestrial
sphere?
Might it yet be thy ancient thirst for
beer?
Ghost-Aye. Hammy. thou hast truly
guessed Alright.
1 was thy dad. and 1 returned last
night
To mind you once again OF that small
debt
Ham-Pray pardon me. dear dad. but
I forgot,
Ghost-You sure remember; twas but
Ham-No, I forget! So many clamoring
gents
Come dunning me for debts prithee
And when July doth bring fall OF
snow.
Come back again and the debt may
pay.
So long. old dad. until some other day.
Exit
Ghost-Ah; Fooled again! Aye me, a
wretched sprite.
III leave this world and vanish into
night
(Curtain)
(ApplauSe)
(Curtain-l
(Applause)
speeches by Gnost and Han'etp
(Appiause)
(Curtain-)
Penn Punch Bowl
When Griscom Laughed.
4 man with 4 wooden leg succeeded IN