The Virginia enterprise., 1903-01-02

"What is the best powder for ba-
btesY' asked the woman. "Gunpow-
DER" absently replied the druggist,
who had been up all night with his
own. i ...,. e..,t -
won't you try the chicken salad,
judge" said the boarding house keep
er. II tried it yesterday, ma'am," re-
piled the witty judge, land the chicken
proved an alibt. Philadelphia Record.
First Decorator-I advised him to
have his house decorated during his
w1fe's absence as surprise. Second
Decorator-Good! Then we'n have to
do it all. over again when she gets
back:
"Yes, Biggins is going to send his
daughter across the water for her
voice." Thinks it will be cultivated in
Europe?" mo; he's got an idea that
maybe she'll lose it on the way."-Ba!-
t1more News.
Il see by the newspapers" remark
ed Reeder, "that the miners in the
Rand are sending out appeals for
wives" ''Is that so?" calculated Hen
nypeck, in an eager whisper. ''rhey
can have mine"
He-Oh, pray, Miss Dalrimple, don't
call me Mr.. Brookes. She--Oh, but
our acquaintance has been so brief.
(Sweetly) Why shouldn't call you Mr..
Brookes? He-Oh, only because nv
names Somerset!
First Chappie-I wonder now, Chol-
lie, how the donkey ever came to be
used as the-eer, emblem Of stupidity :?
Second Chappie with a yawn)-Don't
know, I'm sure, deah boy; must have
been before our day.
Young Man dining at his .club)7-
Don't you think, James, that these
lonely dinners at the club drive a: num-
Der. of men to matrimony? Waiter
Maybe, sir; but not so many as mat
rimony drives to the club!
+. "Just fancy, Weginald; I've forgot
ten ma cahrd case" "Nevah mind.
deah boy; I'll lend you some of. mine" I"
"But- -ah-the name would be differ
ent, you know "Bah ,Jove, 50: it
would! What head you have, Algy!'
"John," whispered Mrs. Stubb, in the
wee hours, there is a::buFglar down
stairs, and L want you to go down."
"Well, guess not, responded her hus-
band, turning over for another. nap;
I'D have you know that don't asso-
ciate with Burglars
| Mrs. Housekeep-I don't know much
| about the: new girl, but she's go8d-
natured and harmless, at any rate.
Mr.. Housekeep-How did you find that
out? Mrs. Housekeep-I notice that
she sings at her work. Mr.. Hous sekeeep
That's no proof; a mosquito does
that. !; -. H. 80
|: Cholly-I nevah see such a queer
girl. While was calling there the
othah evening she made me pet her
pug dog and asked me if I didn't want
to kiss the beast. Miss Pepprey-The
idea! Perhaps she doesn't know that
You smoke cigarettes es.-Philadelphia
/ Press.
\ Mrs. Bizzy-I am so sorry to hear
| that your wife has been throwing the
crockery at you again, Casey. Where
did she hit you? Cssey-Faith Ma-am!
That's what OF do be afther complaint
in av. Twas a whole set av dishes
broke to pieces an she niver hit me
wanst-Brooklyn Life.
"Now," said the Sunday school
teacher, in her most winning tones,
(which little boy can tell us about the
still small voice that is within usY'
"Please'm," said the freckled boy at
the end Of the seat, my uncle has
one." HAS he?" "Yes'm. He's q
ventriloquist.' baltimore American.
Cholly proudly)-By Jove! I'm quite
a professor Of swimming, don't you
know. I taught Mabel Galley how to
swim in two lessons. Jack-Gad! That
was a quick throw-down. Cholly Gn-
dignantly)- do you mean? Jack
why, she let me give her ten lessons
before she learned.-Brooklyn Life.
Towne-My wife used to get nef fvous
every time she heard a noise down
stairs, but assured her that it could
not be burglars, because they're al
ways careful not to make any noise.
Browne-So that calmed her, eh ?
Towne-Not much. Now she gets ner-
vous every time she doesn't hear any
noise.
He-I never saw anything like this
tide. Here I've been pulling steadily
for ten minutes, and we don't seem
to have moved a foot. She (after a
pause)-Oh, Mr.. Stroker, I've just
thought Of something! The anchor fell
overheard a short time ago and for.
got to tell you. Do you suppose 1t
could have caught on something? -.
"say, pa,' began little Willie again,
.why----'' "Now, see here" his pa
interrupted, II told you wouldn't an.
swer any more questions. Let this be
the last now. What is it?'' II just
wanted to know, pa. why you don't