Lincoln County leader. [volume] (Toledo, Lincoln County, Or.) 1893-1987, 1903-07-31

S~~~N~N~~~NS~~~O~
Children are won by candy, women
oy bonnets, men by schemes.-Ex.
Manager-"Did they call you back ~
Actress-"No; they dared me to come
back"
wall Street: The most noted IL not
the most popular watering place in the
country.-Puck.
Dyer-"Who holds the record in your
automobile club" Jack-"Shaffer. He
ran over himself?" f?"-Brooklyn Life.
Tom-"Did she ask you if she were
the only girl you ever loved?" Jack
No. She took it for granted."-
Somerville Journal.
Lady Ito blind man)-"My poor man,
what made you blind?" Tramp
Looking for work, ma'am."-Cook
County Jail Journal.
Patron-"What did you say this is,
waiter?" -"Strawberry short
cake, SIR" Patron-"More like cake
shortberries, isn't it"'
The Englishman-"I understand you
Americans elect all your rulers by bal
lot" The American-"Yes-all but our
wives. Chicago News.
Williams, have you named the baby
yet?' Almost. We've got the two
grandmOthers to agree to arbitrate the
case. Chicago Tribune.
A public benefactor: Bromley seems
to be getting rich?" "Yes. He invent
ed a collar button chaser that is a
great success" s."-Chicago RecordHer-
aid.
where's your boy going after he
leaves the model schoolY ''To some
school that amt model, 1 guess, to
learn reading, writing, and figures. -
Judge
Bacon-'Did you understand the lam
guage when you were in Paris last
summer" Egbert-"Well = when
talked to myself 1 id."-Yonkers
ctdtCcihuh.
Quite difference: "What is the diff
ference between a gown and a crea-
tion?" 81 can't give you the exact
figure, but it's a small fortune."-
Chicago Post.
The Doctor-"You have a bad cold,
Mr.. Jiggs. I'll give you some pills
for it," Jiggs-"Oh, never mind. doc
tor. You can have it for nothing
Havard Lampoon.
Host-My wife is worrying about
there being thirteen at the table to-
night Guest-Superstitious, eh? Host
No; she has only dozen silver
knives and forks.-Chicago News.
Percy-"Miss Sweetly, do you think
you could be happy with man like
me?" Miss Sweetly-"Well, perhaps
if he wasn't too much like you'll
Comic Cuts.
victim-"Ooo! Phew! You charge
double price for this kind of a sham
poo, don't you?" Barber-"Yes." Vic
l thought. l notice that you
are making me suffer twice as much"
IN. Y. Weekly.
First Citizen-"What do you think
of this idea of an army of the unem-
ployed marching to Washington"
Second Citizen-"Thats nothing new.
1t happens every four years" New
York Weekly.
Remarkable woman: "My wife is a
famous cook" Mullins announced,
"So?" responded Barlow, in
"Yes, sir. She concocts
sauces that make even health foods
palatable. Life.
Housewife-"Mina, Is dinner not yet
ready? We are all starving" Nina
(who is reading a noveD-"No, dinner
is not ready and it won't be until
find out whether the black knight wins
that fair lady or not"
Shea well-known writer says that
in order to succeed man must be
95 per cent. backbone" He-"Oh, |
don't know. A good many who have
to arrive are % per cent
cheek. ."-Chicago Daily News.
us my daughter familiar with the
great composers?" asked Mrs. Cumrox.
Madame" said the music-teacher,
with a look of desperation, "she is not
merely familiar with them; she is i'm
Observation-Disclosures Star.
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