The Birmingham age-herald., 1903-04-26
THE SHOCKING CONDUCT OF JOB HOMINY.
From the Almost VeraciOus Memoirs of Oliver Thumm

Lightning never did more curious trick than the prank it played on Job Hominy. Job was building greenhouse in his back lot one afternoon when the thing happen ed that made him the most valuable mu- scum freak in the country. He had part of the frame work up and was standing on box of glass with a long iron rod in his hand when his wife called to him from the house.
 "Job," she said there's an awful storm coming up. You come right in be- fore you get that new shirt wet
 Job looked up at the black and white clouds overhead and set his jaws in that contrary way of his.
 sI'm willing to take off the shirt he said, .'but I'll be dratted If l come in till I get good and ready
 Just then a big, purple bolt of lightning shot out of the clouds and ran down the long iron rod into Jobs lanky body, fill ing him chuck full of the busiest electric ity that could be manufactured on so short notice.
 Mercy me- shrieked Mrs. Hominy, tits judgment on Job for swearing that wayl I hope it didn't burn that new shirtt' and she ran out to see if he was hurt.
 But he wasn't. Barring a little scorched place on both hands, where the current had come in, he hadn't been harmed a particle, that is so far as anybody could see He just stood stock still for a little bit, sort of stunned you know, then he batted his eyes real hard, found out he was still alive, and said:
 By jinks, 1t never touched mel
 He dropped the iron rod, and got down off the box of glass; His wife ran up and put her hands on his shoulders. but that's as far as she got. Her arms were nearly jerked from their sockets and she jumped back with a scream that brought out all the neighbors. Jobs little daughter came running to him and he started to take her up. She screamed the minute he touch- ed her and fell on the ground. Hopping like a chicken with it's head cut off. A little puppy he had just begun to train sprang up against his leg, jumped about four feet in the air with a howl of pain and fell dead.
 Job was just a human storage battery, that's all Standing on all that glass he had been insulated and kept the whole bolt of electricity in his body. He was brimming full of it from head to foot and it wasn't safe to go near him, much less touch him.
 At first 1t was mighty inconvenient. His wife had to stand on a glass plate to kiss him. the bed had to be put on insulators, he had to wear rubber gloves to shake hands, and there wasn't an hour of the day that you couldn't get blue spark out of him if you should happen to want one. And he never got over it, even to the day of his death. He was not only hum dred and seventy pound storage battery, but a human accumulation as well. His whole system had undergone some kind of change and he just naturally ab sorbed electricity out of the earth and the air, and, no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't empty himself of 1t.
 It wasn't until after he'd shocked his family and the neighborhood over and over that it was found out what handy thing had happened to him after all. An electric light socket got out of whack in his house and man came to fix 1t. While he had the bulb out he handed 1t to Job to hold and Job happened to put his two thumbs on the connections. The light lit right up and glowed bright as day! Just then Mrs Hominy came into the room and it was all over with Job.
 Well. if that ain't nice!' she said. "Young man you must go right back and tell the electric light people to take out their wire"
 Take out their wire" said Job why, what for?'
 What for, Job Hominy! We'll, you are dumb Why, from now on you'll stay in the house every evening and be of some use to your family. We'll just hitch the wires to you and have all the light we want"
 At first Job was rather tickled with the idea and he had lot of traps made right away He had an electric lantern for use about the barn that was lit the minute he picked it up and went out as quick as he let go of it; he had a light bulb let into the front of his hat and used it to read by as he came home in the dim street cars and he had one made Into reading cap at home; he got motor for the corn sheller and the feed chopper and, for a time he was tickled to death with his own handiness.
 But Mrs Hominy took that out of him. She was a woman who knew a good thing when she saw it, and she lost no time get- ting her moneys worth out of Job. It was all right to hitch the wires to him the minute he came to supper and set him right to work to lighting up the house and furnishing the power for the electric heat CT and cooker; when she got motor for the sewing machine and the washing ma- chine and kept him at home every minute that he wasn't working. to run the differ ent contraptions she had around the house he began to get tired of it; but when she put rocking attachment to the cradle and began to take currents from him even while he slept he raised such a rumpus that Mrs. Hominy drove him out of the house at eleven o'clock at night.
 Job didn't come back. He was so tear ing mad that. as he went down the street. a steady stream of blue sparks trailed out behind him. and stranger. standing in front of the hotel with Sam Feeder. the proprietor, naturally wanted to know what it all meant.
 'sWhy, that's Job Hominy, the human storage battery, and he's ripping mad that's all" said Sam. ''rll call him back and introduce you"
 ''Do' said the stranger.
 oh Jobl' called Sam, Come back here and shake hands with my particular friend Mr = MT. -
 "Goldheimer," whispered the stranger ''Julius Goldheimer.''
 "- My particular --er- acquaintance MT. Goldheimer," said Sam. and he tipped Job the wink. Shake hands with him"
 We'll Job was out of humor anyhow, so he shook hands, barehanded. with the stranger. MT Goldheimer went up in the air and swore in four dialects.
 You'll dov' he yelled, as he got his hand loose and ran his fingers through his hair to give 1t chance to curl up evenly again. "Tll give you thousand dollars a week and expenses to make my museum circuit.
 "A thousand dollars weekv gasped Job
 Sure! A thousand dollars a week,-on the biIls-and a hundred of it in real