Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1903-10-24
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Uncle Zed's DOG.

and proprietor of the Croix County
Chronicle, was porting over list OF
delinquent subscribers and wondering
if the ghost could possible have spirit
enough to walk Saturday night, when
Uncle" Zed Hopkins came in.
1t was plain to be seen that Uncle"
Zed was mad. He seated himself in the
spare sanctum chair, set his doughty
elm cane upright between his knees,
built "meeting-house" of his fingers
and began deliberately:
Editor DAWSON I've took tn ChrOn-
icle nigh onto ten year, an | amt asst
many favors of We, but I've come now
to have We wallop those Higginses
thai killed my dog Shep!"
At this juncture "Uncle" Zed wiped
his eyes on red bandana handker-
chief which he then wound round one
hand and continued: al.
81 don't allow to have no trouble
with m neighbors, but"
wait minute" said Editor Rich
ard Harding Dawson, reaching for
his pencil and pad. "Wait minute,
Uncle Zed."
"Now I'll read as I write and when
you don't like it you say So"
Cali right, Mr. DAWSON" piously
assented Uncle Zed with due appre-
citation and qualification in his modu-
lated voice.
Some low down miscreant," read
the editor, scribbling, whose heart is
about the size Of flea and whose
head must be shaped like tack, afro
ciously, maliciously and with malice
aforethought, shot that fine, big fam
lily dog"
Uncle" Zed's face fell and his lips
quivered as he interrupted:
"His name was 'Shep,' Mr.. Dawson.
"'Shep' was his name"
"All right-that fine, big, family
dog Shep, owned by "Uncle" Zed Hop
kins, Saturday night. A man that
would shoot dog like Shep is the
greenest scum of the earth and hang
ing is too good for him!''
"How's that, Uncle Zed?"
Good, mighty good!" testified the
patriarch, rubbing his hands gleefully
and squirming in the creaking chair,
"but amt We goin' to mention no
names?"
why, yes, l might Mr.. Hopkins;
that is If you desire it,"
well, amt insistin' none, but
I've took yer paper long time, Mr..
Dawson, long time!"
at is our painful duty in this con-
nection, resumed the editor, to an
nounce we have among us family so
lost to common decency and the man.
dates of society, as to kill an innocent
and unassuming dog"
BY lingo, that's great" interposed
Uncle" Zed with Joy in his voice;
"that'l1 make 'em cringe some,
guess. Go ahead, editor, go ahead!"
Gas to kill an innocent and unas:
Stunning dog, and, to make long story
short, the name is Higgins!'"
Uncle Zed brought his cane to the
floor with an enthusiastic clatter:
"Hurrah! Say, editor, you're a
trump. You're a man with tn cour-
age O. his convictions. You're "a
what's that? Sign it! Sign It'll"
Uncle Zed arose hastily from his
chair, his surprise paramount:
me sign it'll"
"You certainly don't want me to as
sumo responsibility for it, Mr. Hop
kins My dog hasn't been killed." ex-
postulated the editor with a smile in
his eye that Uncle" Zed did not see.
Thunder in the winter time! Great
horn spoons and little fishes! Of all
the fool editors l ever see you are the
wust!" shouted Uncle" Zed, waving
his cane, his bandana and his whis-
kers all at one and the same time, as
he stumped away.
And the next day Editor Richard
Harding Dawson was notified by mail
to stop Uncle" Zed's paper.
But he didn't do it. A country ed
itor knows thing or two about hui
man nature. Uncle Zed would have
been really angry had he complied
with the order.
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