Evening star., 1903-07-09
XIV.
"Who Will Tell the Man Inside
ThereP''

Nv no Will 4S1l LILO MAIL AAoA0o
ThereP"
Later / saw this letter. 1t was like no
other that has ever come under my eye.
Written at intervals, as her hand had pow
er or her misery found words, 1t bore on
it's face all the evidences of that restless.
suffering spirit which for thirty-six hours
drove her in frenzy about her room, and
caused Loretta to say. in her effort 10 de-
scribe her mistress face as 1t appeared to
her at the end of this awful time: 'lt was
as if d blight had passed over 1t. Once
gay and animated beyond the power of any
one to describe it had become ghosts
face, with the glare of some awful resolve
upon it" / give this letter just as 1t was
written-disjointed paragraphs, broken SEN
tences, unfinished words and all. The
breaks show where she laid down her pen,
possibly for that wild pacing of the floor
which left such unmistakable signs be-
hind 1t.
1t opens abruptly:
II killed him. 1 am all that said was.
and you can never again give me thought
save in the way of cursing and to bewatl
the day l came into your life. But you
cannot hate me more than 1 hate myself
my wicked SELF who seeing an obstacle In
the way of happiness. stamped 1t out OF ex-
istence and so forfeited all right to hap
piness forever.
.It was so easy! Had 1t been a hard
hand on knife or lift pistol, might have
realized the act and paused. But just q
little spring which a child's hand could
manage-Who. feeling for 1t, could help
pressing 1t. IL only to see
II was always a reckless girl, mad for
pleasure and without any thought Of con-
sequences. When school bored me, took
all my books out of my desk. called upon
my mates to do the same and, stacking
them up into sort OF rostrum In q field
where we played. hrst delivered an grafton
from them in which reverence for my teach
ers had small part. then tore them into
pieces and burned them in full sight of
my admiring schoolfellows. / was dis
missed but not with disgrace. Teachers
and scholars bewailed my departure not
because they liked me, or because Of any
good they had found in me. but because
my money had thrown luster on them and
on the whole establishment.
This was when I was twelve, and II was
on account of this reckless escapade that 1
was sent west and kept long from
home and all my flatterers. My guardian
meant well by this but in saving me from
one pitfall he plunged me into another.
I grew up without Cora and also without
any idea of the requirements of my posi-
tion or what i might anticipate from the
world when the time came for me to enter
1t l knew that had money; SO did those
about me: but i had little idea of the
amount. nor what that money would do for
me when 1 returned to Washington 90,
in evil day. and when I was just eight
cen. 1 fell In love. or thought / did, with
a man-(Oh. Francis. imagine 1t. now that
I have seen youD-of sufficient attraction
to satisfy one whose prospects were limited
to contracted existence in some small
town. but no more fitted to content me az
ter seeing Washington life than II he had
been a common farm hand or the most
ordinary of clerks In a country store But
J was young. ignorant and self -willed and
thought because my cheek burned under
his look that he was the man Of men, and
suited to be my husband That 10, II
xhought at all, which In not likely; for