Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1903-07-09
]. N. Lxwrs
sToRIETTEs.

Nol lung ago, certain uoOr CoIl-
pany received an order for car
load of doors from an embryo Texan
town. The order was filled and the
doors ready for shipment, when a
telegram was received canceling the
order, and announcing that letter of
explanation would follow The letter
arrived, and was found to be brief
and much to the point. II read:
Cancel order for car load of doors.
The town has suddenly gone prohibit
ton, and so many doors could not be
used in twenty years"
The other day the London Pail
Mall Gazette referred to w. s. Gill
bert as 'the late w. 8. Gilbert" This
called forth note of protest from
the famous comic-opera librettist, in
which he said: There is a line In
your issue of yesterday that must
have sent thrill of Joy through
many worthy home / refer to
line in an article headed "A Naval
Battle in which / am referred to as
the late w. S. Gilbert l am always
sorry to spoil sport, but common
candor compels me to admit (reluct-
antly) that l am still alive. Yours
faithfully, w. s. Gilbert"
Recently, an American travelling in
Russia, who had neglected to provide
himself with passport, when he ar
rived at the borders of the Cars do
| mains, was held up by an official
with demand for his passport For
an instant the American was stumped,
but, so the story goes, he quickly
| rose to the emergency. Diving into
his inside pocket he pulled out his
life-insurance policy and handed it to
the Russian. The later gravely
looked the paper over, carefully
scrutinizing the imposing-looking seal
and the array of signatures. Then,
with a satisfied air, he handed back
the paper, and the American passed
| on.
The story is told of a kindly Massa-
chusetts man who CHANGED in q restau-
rant in one of the frontier towns,
where he met a waiter armed with
q sorrowful towel tied about his waist,
denied tin tray, and a couple of guns.
The Fastener looked him over in a
gentle way, and asked him If he had
I any breakfast food. 81 guess yes"
responded the cowboy waiter; 1--WE got
ham and eggs, fried sausage, chuck
steak, spare ribs, mutton chops, corn
ed-beef hash, hog and hominy, light
bread, heavy bread, toast bread, apple
butter peach butter, COW butter, cof-
fee, tea, buttermilk, and beer. Break
fast food? Well, that's our winner.
Name your grub"
Frederick the Third of Prussia, who
delighted in his reputation as the
most laconic man in Europe, one met
Hungarian magnate, taking the
waters of Carlsbad, who had also &C
quired fame for abruptness of speech.
This tempted the Prussian monarch
to meet him and try him in the arts
of brevity. The magnate was pointed
| out to Frederick as he stood in the
hall of his hotel. The king went up
to him, and the following conversation
was the result: Notwithstanding?
Notwithstanding. Frederick
Officer? Observation-Disclosures. Fred
erick-So! Hungarian (taking the in
iative)-Detective? Frederick
King! ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS!
Some of the society girls of PhiIa-
delphia are submitting to the tattoo
ing craze, by having their bodies or
namented CD with various indelible
devices, such as eagles, snakes, birds,
etc.
1t is seldom that one sees boiled
fish alive, yet there are such in the
boiling lake of Anatitlan, Guatemala.
species of fish was lately seen
there by M. Marcellin Pellet, French
traveller. These fish he asserts, often
pass days in the boiling water, which
comes from numberless hot springs.