davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1903-10-29

depended upon getting through mis-
rounds in due season. Competition Is
SO great that he must neglect nothing
and always be pleasant and oblIging
to the most unreasonable of customers
for fear Of losing one. There are the
lcemen, carrying fifty pounds and often
100 pounds Of ice up four flights of
stairs, which is no easy task, and as it
Is not skilled labor the pay is probably
not more than it should be, considering
the amount of strength expended.
Hard as the work is and moderate as
Is the pay, no man can afford to lose
his job, SO he has to be very careful not
to antagonize his employers.
The man who does business on
small scale and is his own boss prob
ably finds 1t no easier to make living,
for he has to do the greater part of his
own work, and In the case of bad or
Improbable season is sometimes not so
well off as his hireling, who is sure Of
his wages at least.
That man who owns his land and
has good health is poor farmer who
cannot make at least a living for him
self and family. 1t may not be a sump-
tuous living, but it may be a compara-
lively comfortable one. This cannot
be said Of all sorts of occupations.
There is another hope ahead for the
farmer. If he doesn't have good luck
this year, he may the next. There is
always chance that there will be a
better yield in crops and better price
in the market. The element of uncer-
tainty adds zest to life which a settled
amount Of wages from month to month
and from year to year cannot give, and
he is always sure of enough to eat on
the farm Of some sort or another.
The time is coming and is not far dis
tant when the farmers life will be
looked upon as the ideal life by many
Of the world weary toilers of the
crowded cities. Even now the one
bright dream of many a drudger In the
stores and offices is of happy time
coming when he will have a farm, q
home all his own in the country, where
he can rest his tired brain and nerves
as he sits beneath his own vine and
Igor apple-tree. Whoever despises
farmers life is fool; 1t is the most
Independent life on earth. = Country
Gentleman.
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1903-10-29
LOST HIS NERVE.
why 1t Was That Big Pete Failed "a
Hit the Sherin.

why 1t Was That Big Pete Failed "a
Hit the sheriR.
There were thirty men in the White
Wolf saloon when the sheriff of Silver
county sauntered In to arrest big Pete
Thompson for murder. Pete was play
ing a hand In game of poker, and
after nodding to him the sheriff stood
up at the bar and called for drink.
His back. was scarcely turned when
Pete laid down his cards, pulled his
gun and fired six shots as fast as his
finger could pull the trigger. The sheriff
never moved. When the smoke had
rolled out Of. the open door and we
could see, the sheriff stood in the same
position and wore the same smile. One
bullet had burned his cheek; a second
had grazed his ear; a third had cut
through his shirt collar under the left
ear. Big Pete was a dead shot, and
yet he had missed his man at fifteen
feet.
"Got through, Pete" asked the sher-
If, breaking a silence that was posi-
lively painful.
"And you-you are not heeledw
gasped Pete as his arm sunk slowly
down.
mo; come on"
"YOu didn't bring your guns?"
mo; If you are through shooting,
we'll 60"
Pete laid his two guns down on the
table before him and walked to the
door and out into the street. His horse
was tied to post a block away. He
reached the horse, mounted and then
headed down the long street after the
sheriff, who was giving him not the
slightest attention. In five minutes the
pair were out of sight.
what allied PeteY was asked of
the barkeeper, who had come to the
door of the saloon.
Lost his nerve" he brusquely re-
Piled
How do you mean"
why, the sheriff coming without a
gun and standing there to be shot at
took all his sand away and made wo-
man Of him."
Suppose the sheriff had had gum"
The man jerked his head toward the
field wherein fifteen or twenty victims
had been buried and said:
He'd "a bin over thar"
"And will big Pete get clear?"
Likely; but he'll have to leave here.
The boys have already put him down
as N. G."
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1903-10-29
Mark Twain ON Lying.

Why will you humbug yourselves
with that foolish notion that no lie is a
lie except a spoken one? What is the
difference between lying with your eyes
and lying with your mouth? There is
none, and If you would reflect a mo-
ment you would see that 1t is so. There
isn't human being that doesn't tell a
gross of lies every day of his life
Mark Twain In Harper's.
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1903-10-29
SLEEP ON A COLD SMOKE.
Pulling an Empty Pipe Said to Be an
Insomnia Cure.

Insomnia Cure.
After giving a fair and patient trial
to each of many alleged cures for
sleeplessness the writer stumbled across
simple method of inducing somnO-
lence that has the merit of being harm
less and inexpensive. To smokers the
remedy involves no cost whatever, but
of nonsmokers the capital outlay of
the price of pipe is required. 1t must
be wooden pipe and curved, not
straight.
Having retired for the night, the suf-
ferer should lie perfectly fiat on his
back, disc@ding pillow rests, and puff
steadily at an empty pipe until he feels
thoroughly drowsy. The desired result
usually is achieved after from about
sixty to hundred puffs have been
made. The putting should be done
slowly, with deep inhaling movement.
The expelling motions must be made
deliberately with narrowed mouth.
During the entire operation the pipe
should not be removed, as each displGc.
ing and replacing movement tends to
wakefulness.
Those capable of great concentration
Of thought should, If smokers, imagine
they see volumes of smoke, and those
who eschew the burning weed will be
helped by counting the puffs.
AS sleep is often successfully wooed
while yet the pipe is in the mouth,
bowls Of meerschaum or clay are not
recommended, since these are liable to
be broken when the coming of slumber
allows the pipe to slide from the
mouth. Nervous people may be reas-
Sured that there is no danger In falling
asleep with the stem edge of a curved
pipe caught between ones teeth. Sleep
always occasions the grip to be re-
moved. That may hold also of straight
pipes, but for other and obvious rea.
sons these are less suitable than those
with curved stems.-New York Mail
and Express.
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1903-10-29
Women and Their Troubles

Once upon a time two women were
talking over their troubles, and while
one was telling her tale of woe the
other was very impatient to tell hers.
Finally, after several unsuccessful
attempts, the second woman managed
to tell her story, and as she had the
last say she improved very much on
the tale of the first woman, in conse-
quence of which the first speaker was
made quite unhappy.
Moral. - Some women are more
wretched than others because the 9TH
ers have more troubles than they have.
New York Herald.
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1903-10-29

Advise an old man to marry a woman
young enough to be his daughter, and
he may ask if you take him for fool,
but he will not be Observation-Disclosures
Globe.
81 wish you had broken the news
more gently" sighed the editor as the
office boy pied the first page by drop
ping the form down flight of stairs
Baltimore American.
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1903-10-29
LONDON's LORD MAYOR.
His Power as Well as the Area He
Rules Is Limited.

His Power as Well as the Area He
Rules Is Limited.
The lord mayor Of London is not the
all powerful official he is thought to be
on the continent He is not the mayor
Of all London, but only of the city of
London, and the City is but a frac-
tion Of the whole. Greater London has,
roughly, population of 100000, but
in the $50 acres that comprise the City
there is resident population at night
Of only $4,000 and by day of little over
100000. And even within this area the
powers Of the lord mayor and of the
twenty-six aldermen and the two hun
dred odd common councillors are by no
means autocratic.
Much Of what used to lie within his
and their province has been taken over
by the London county council. In fact,
the average Londoner never thinks of
the lord mayor as an edict making,
law giving official. He stands altogeth-
er apart In the popular mind from ques-
tions Of rates and assessments, schools
and police. Very few people could say
what legislative functions, If any, he
fulfills. They may have heard that he
is the chief magistrate of the courts,
but beyond that their knowledge of his
precise duties does not stray. 1t is the
social and decorative side of his posi-
ton that impresses the public. The
lord mayor is never without his badge
and rarely without his robes and chains
of Office He rides abroad in magnif-
icently gilded coach, with powdered
coachmen and footmen in cooked hats
and silk knee breeches, sending a CLEAN
of gold through the dirty drab of Lon
don
The lord mayors show on Nov. is
one of England's few annual pageants
and, uncouth as 1t is, has a warm place
In the hearts of the popuace, and, be-
cfJna oil Ahlu ho hnn .,,,o ,.so,hAa - II
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1903-10-29

proyileges of 400 years stanolng, no
troops may pass the City boundaries
without his leave. The sovereign him
self has to ask permission to enter the
city walls, just as he has to ask for
permission to enter the house of com
mons.-Harper's Weekly.
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1903-10-29

T
This sale will include the Barrett Ranch, the best
farm in Hood River valley. Four thousand fruit trees;
free water for part of it; contains $50 acres worth
$2OOOO but will sell in lump for $4,000 cash. Or
we will sell in ), 10, 15 and 20 lots to suit the
purchaser This is fine bargain at SIG, ,OOO
Also the famous ranch known as the old E. l..
Smith place. near the Frankton school house. This
place contains $50 acres with several fine cold springs
on the place and nearly enough water to irrgate the
entire land. Only 2 miles from town, with the Frank
ton school on the place. of the best schools in the
valley This place will be sold in small lots and will
all be gone inside of ten DAYS. for .... $15, 900
Next comes the old Van Johnson place. and this
will be included in this bargain sale. Worth $4,000,
but for the cash it will go for 5000. This place con-
tains 40 acres % in clover and timothy, 500 bearing
apple trees house and barn. nice woodshed cOldspring
mt the door good cellar small hay barn, all the water
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1903-10-29

needed for the place from private ditch from Ditch
creek You can not afford to miss this at ... So, 900
Also ten acres from the southeast corner of cold
Spma place all cleared and seeded to clover and tim
othy. Plenty of water for irrgatng the entire place.
free Well worth the price ............... 80, 900
Another 100 acres on Bald mountain for 1000
Twelve hundred acres 4 miles from town, worth ten
dollars per acre. We will sell 900
$500 acres up around Parker Town. This
land will be sold off in 80 and 100 acre lots for about
five dollars per acre. whole Traction about $15 900
NJ NJ Davenport has 13 acres for sale cheap. He will
also sell his house and lot with acres, cheap.
We not Offering this land cheap because we are
hard up but to help the Valley improvement Co. The
deeds to this land are in the of the Davenport Bros
hence there will be no commission. All the lands selected
by them for choice hay lands well apples and straw
berec all having free water or less. These places
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1903-10-29
Calculating.

Elderly Adorer-I am sixty-nine and
have 100000.
Fair Young Thing-I'll give you an
answer the day after tomorrow. l will
have to figure 1t all out in the mortuary
tables.
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1903-10-29

She's evidently the apple of his
eye"
HE told me she was a peach"
$50? Well, at any rate, they are
fine looking pair" indianapolis News
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1903-10-29
The Need of Modi.h soda Mint.

Under ordinary social and gastronom-
ic conditions there is probably a great
deal more heartburn than heartburn
ings.-Indianapolis News.
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1903-10-29
Accumulated.

Mrs. Gimp-Is Miss Stitcher much Of
dressmaker?
Miss Piping-Splendld. She never
has to make dress over more than
two or three times.-Boston Transcript.
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1903-10-29

"De mule stoled wuz only wuth
$20," said the Georgia darky, zen, bless
me, eff de lawyer didn't charge $50 ter
prove me nnercentv-Atlanta Consti-
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1903-10-29

the Oldest places taken in Hood River andare also the
best, as all of them have good cold springs on them
We also have eight ten large teams that we will sell
in the next thirty days. including harness and wagons
Eighty head of cattle in good condition; two complete
saw mills
Do not think because Offering to sell thatweare
going out of business for of this property included
in our lumber business The Davenport Bros LumberCo.
is incorporated for $4,000, fully paid up. Their large
mill is cutting 10000 feet per day, and included in
this besides their MILL is the water ume, timber planning
MILL lumber ETC. We that this property will be
sold inside of 80 days to living right here in the val
ley as the men know the bargains there in it, and
are also they snaps
Call on Frank Davendort, in the old bank building,
and look over the plat of the above lands
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1903-10-29

s%%S
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1903-04-24

Mrs. E. B. Bradshaw, Of
Guthrie, Okla, cured Of 4 severe.
case by Lydia e. Pinkham's
Vegetable Compound.
Agreat many women suffer with =
form of Indigestion or dyspepsia which.
does not seem to yield to ordinary
medical treatment. While the -symp-
toms seem to be similar to those of
ordinary indigestion, yet the medi-
cines universally prescribed do not
seem to restore the patients normal;
condition. -.
Mrs. Pinkham claims that there
is a kind of dyspepsia that is caused
by arrangement of the female organ
ism, and which, while it causes dis
turbance similar to ordinary indiges-
ton, cannot be relieved without q
medicine which. not only acts asa
stomach tonic, but has peculiar uterine
tonic effects as well. !
Thousands of testimonial let
tiers prove beyond question that
nothing will relieve this distress.
ing condition SO surely as Lydia
E. :Pinkham's Vegetable Com
pound. 1t always works in har-,
mOny with the female system.
4 Mrs. Pinkham advises sick
womenfree. Address Lynn, Mass.
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1903-04-24
Grateful

Mrs. Ferguson had ]concocted a
cough strip for her husband. 1t con-
sisted ola certain jamaica beverage,
with various sweetening and aromatic
ingredients, and he was testing it with
much :feryor. . , ~
.."Your medicines, Laura" he said.
holding out his glass for another dose,
care so much better than the. medi-
cines mother used to make!"-Chicago
Tribune.
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1903-04-24

Useless Accomplishment.
you want to learn to spell better,
Bessie" said the mother, looking over
her school report.
"Oh, don't care, mamma"
But you don't want to grow up and
not know how to spell, my child, do
you?" .. .wa~
Eyes, I do; I'm going to be atype-
writer, mamma" -Yonkers States
man. .
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1903-04-24
The Way It Works.

Mrs. i o%rseley-I never see your lady
friend with you now.
Miss Eunnen-No, butyou may have
noticed my lady friends gentleman
friend with me, Sc she's mn ladyenemy
now.-Cit-Bits alsy
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1903-04-24
=
What

She pressed her ruby lips to his
In one ecstatic kiss: 7:saA ? a.
They seemed at peace with all the world,
: Enrapt IN holy bliss, s :, (
But, with the OSCILLATION DER, - =
It wa not hard to find ,- -,
That, though she took her lips away
The ruby stayed behind =. !
-Snart Set. Y . - = E . = ..E
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1903-04-24

Caution. 4
What" cried the chief of detec-
tiyes, "you say the man you saw had
on the regulation striped suit?"
. eyes, sir" replied the new sleuth. ].
"Why didn't you arrest him, then?
Couldn't you see he was the escaped
convict we're after?" :~
20! but you know, you can't always
judge a man by his clothes. -Phila-
delphia Press. H. n
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1903-04-24
Natural Enough.

Mrs. Gaddie-They hain't got many
$fxtureS-in their house.
Mrs Kromo-I didn't 'spose they
had. Why, shetold me they don't
snever#buynoStea at all; don't use It.
81 1lLiladelphia Press.
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1903-04-24
"AbandOn Hone All YEP

"Abandon Hope All Ye."
Mrs. Maidwunn-Dearest, tell me,
would you really rather be married
than engaged? -H~ ".
Mr.: .Maidwunn~ (promptly)-Why
married, dear, of course, wouldn't
you? = -t- ;
Mrs. Maidwunn-Oh-h-h, I don't
know. When you're engaged there's
always something to hope for!-
Town Topics. = ..-.... H.
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1903-04-24

Dolly Dimple-I read. to-day that
the lei outnumber the. fair. sex
Sc greatly in: South Africa that they
are considering importing a shipload
of women.
Won Benedict-Oh! They're used
to war down there, I suppose.-Chi-
cago Chronicle.
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1903-04-24
Poor Mr.. Beach,

80 - ETUUf NJ. Be1t1g : ~
Helen, aged five, is a quaint child,
who spends much time chatting with
the next-door. neighbor, Mrs. Beach,
who has no children.
"Do you have family prayers before
breakfast, Mrs. Beach?"
"No,"resPonded that lady.
DO you have family prayers after
b~reakfast?"
mo"
With an uplifted admonitory finger,
she asked: "Can't Mr.. Beach pray?".
-Woman's Home Companion.
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1903-04-24
Old FrIenas.3

Barker--1Come oYer here, old man.
Iswant.to introduce you to my wife.
Parker-Ok. know Mrs. Barker
already
months u the i 1Sy4.--Som-
eryillo Journal S
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1903-04-24
A Fair Field.

II never saw a man8with such a head
for business, said the first fly.
Smart, is hep" squeried the other.
..O!>J mean for our business. He'sso
very bald-headed." Philadelphia.
&Dpocc%FE 3 ~ %Ha44r+SE%sys *%$&a5.@&/S% 49, 49,
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1903-04-24
A Pertinentouerx

" 1e1eA1eAt SuSTys = . u.
II will show you" said the get-rich-
quick man, show to make a hundred
thousand dollars"
do you really know how it can be
done?" asked the unsophisticated one.
Sure,
"Then why don't you make it for
yourself, instead of passing the good
thing out to me?'
For, after all, the unsophisticated
one had a pretty good head on him.
Brooklyn Eagle.
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1903-04-24

= An Obseryation.
You will notice in life's voyage
While floating down the stream,
That the milk of human kindness,
Produces very little cream.
Cincinnati ENQUIRER.
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1903-04-24
= No KicEinr

:: No klckinE.
The patient filters job does not
With envy fire my blood;
1t works without a., salary,
And all it eats is mud.
Cincinnati Commercial Tribune.
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1903-04-24
Not inHis Line,

Two souls with but single thought r.
Were Bess and Cho1ly. Bless us!
"a single look at CholiyStaught 800
The single thought was Bess'.
Philadelphia Press. 5
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1903-04-24

A snake with a bright yellow spot
Once tied himself UP in a knot. .
When asked: why is this?"
He replied, with a hiss:
THAT errand must not be forgot"
Columbus Dispatch.
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1903-04-24
Fate of a Coward.

UHCe OI u COWaf0e
Don't you kiss mel" she cried, as she
sprang from his side.
"Why, I had no such thought" answered
he.
Now, forgive him she could had he kissed
her-and would
But to say the temptation he'd calmly with
stood
Was too much, so she Shook him, you
see.
philadelphia Bulletin.
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1903-04-24

Model of Economy.
Il think the most penurious man I
ever knew" remarked the man in the
macintosh, twas old Hewligus. He
smoked his cigars to the last half
inch, chewed the stumps, and used
the ashes for snuff. But he wasn't
satisfied even then, and gave up the
habit"
"What for?" asked the man with
the big Adams apple.
H couldn't think of any way to
utilize the smoke.''-Tit-Bits
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1903-04-24

Kind Lady--So you were in one
place three years? Why did you
leave?
Tramp wuz pardoned, ma'am.-
Chicago journal.
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1903-04-24

A Musical Home.
Are there any musicians in your
family?",
"One-my daughter"
"What does she play on?"
q Mondays, Tuesday, Wednesdays,
Thursdays, Fridays, Saturdays and
Sundays-a. m. and p. M"
"Gracious!. She doesn't take much
rest. does she?'
mo, and she doesn't give anybody
else nuch."-Kansas City Journal.
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1903-04-24

"did you ask her to marry you?"
The boy flushed and looked his IA
Their straight in. the eyes. -
Yes, sir, I did" he said simply. Il
didn't see what else I could do" &
'"Then you r engaged" came
Eunice with a sort of groan. -
certainly not" answered Harry
c~heerfully. "Mademoiselle Colette
thanked me for what she was pleased
to call the honor I had paid her. but
said that as she had been happily
married for five years to Monsieur
Paul Smolof, first violin in an orcher-
ira in Vienna, she really couldn't &C
cept.
She said she kept her maiden
name because the public knew her as
Mademoiselle Colette Platon, 1 and
that she was over here this year
without her husband for professions
al reasons She added that she.was
quite sure that my'kind and munif-
cent father knew of her marriage,
butt guess yousdidn't. Dad, did you?'''
Mr. Dean laughed with. a sort 81
choke. S. z
II only. wish had,'''h he said.
Them he put his hand on Harry's
bead as the boy leaned back, blink
ing little with the sunlight across
his brown forehead.
Harry he said, you mightas
well close with that offer ofz5sthe
schooner yacht you wanted-the
Nudge is ratherssman.',- IN. y. Inde.
lpendent. 80