The Irish standard., 1903-02-21
SOME WITTY STORIES.
Told BY Celts at a Banquet ir
New York,


the jester and satirist, but many fine
and touching sentiment and CLINT of
eloquence and here and there a gem
of rhetorical art, precious for it's own
sake or for some fond association,
found it's way to the hearts of the $50
members who enjoyed the feast of rea-
son.
That brilliant wit, ex-Congressman
William McAdoo, was elected chair
man, and afterwards president of the
society for the coming year. His open
ing words pertained to the coal situa
ton, and he aroused great laughter
when he told of his returning from
Europe last year. When he arrived he
was holding handkerchief over his
eye. A Hibernian customs inspector
asked: "Why are you holding your eye
under cover?" There's bit of coal
in my eye" responded McAdoo. "Ah,
bringing in coal, are you? You'll have
to pay duty on that"
The honor of the vice-presidency was
bestowed on DR.. James f. Sullivan Of
Providence. DR.. Sullivan said: 1.-THE
story Of our new president reminds me
Of one that is told of Banigan, the
Rhode Island rubber man. On an oc-
casion, when very busy, young Irish
man came to the Office for position
and inadvertently forgot to close the
door. Mr.. Banigan was not in good
humor at the instant and roared,
"Shut the door. Where were you
brought up? In saw mill?" The
young applicant replied: mo, Mr..
Banigan, and another thing can as
sure you of is that was not brought
up in boiler factory"
Mr.. John G. Cantwell Of Provi-
dence made most delicious post
prandial address. Cyrus Townsend
Brady had just preceded Cantwell,
and had mentioned blades" in his
story, and vantwell responded, II
don't know just the temperature of
that place, but if it can beat the ward
that l come from in Boston on eau
Gus night, I'll take off my hat to it.
Mr.. Cantwell received great applause
when he said: 1.-THE Irishman who
seeks the blessings of our free institu-
lions and the protection of our flag,
always remembers the obligations
they impose" and evoked laughter
when he added, "Ths public speak
ing reminds me of the wife who said:
ooh, doctor, John seems to be wander
ing in his mind and the physician
answered, Never mind, madam, he
can't wander very far"
Chief Justice J. NJ. Fitzsimmons Of
the New York city court told good
one of his experiences in the oil re-
gions many years ago. They were
working hard for Strike and Dor
ing night and day, and, as the even
ings were cold, fire was built. One
night vein was struck from which
the gas rushed to height Of over Il
hundred feet, and stream of fire
shot into the air. The foreman, Tim
McCarty, rushed to the door with a
yell, "Get up, get up, Fitzsimmons.
We've broke into hell"
He related another very clever Irish
retOrt on case where, when first
elected, he was assigned to a room in
q crowded hotel with newly arrived
son Of the Emerald Isle. "Thinking to
joke him, I said If you had re-
manned in the old country, it would
have been a long time before you
would have slept with judge My
companion retorted. Yes, and your
honor would have been long time in
the old country before they'd have
made you a judge"
The Rev. John Henneberry Of Chi
cago, in speaking OF his city, said:
1--WE have very good city, notwith-
standing the reflections cast upon us
by our New York and st. Louis
friends. Why, even the police force
is satisfied, for in 36 years there has
only been two increases in salary, and
those have been reductions"
The youngest representative in Con-
gress, the Hon. John J. Fitzgerald of
Brooklyn, was speaking Of alleged in
luence in Congress, and said it was
very much like the burglar who en-
tered the house at night ana. awaken
ing the occupant of the room, said:
IF you stir, you're dead man. I'm
hunting for money" and the awak-
ened one said: "Say. strike light,
will you, and I'll help you to look
for it."
On another occasion, he said, there
was civil service examination in
Brooklyn, and one Of the questions
was: IF one horse trots mile in two
minutes and twenty seconds, how far
will the first horse be ahead of the
second at the end Of three miles?" One
of his shrewd Hibernian constituents
answered it by writing, II will have
nothing to do with horse racing. 1t
would reflect on my character"
Judge Franklin NJ. Danaher of AL
bany, who is silver-tongued orator,
speaking of Senator Thomas H. MUIR
ray, said that the handsomest man in
the society had been elected secretary,