Smyrna times., 1903-06-24
SHORT, SHARP AND SNAPPY.


A southern newspaper solemnly
AYERS that the projection on Mars is
Standard Oil Company oil-derrick.
King Edward now wears the creases
in his trousers instead of fore and aft.
"Chapples" will please take notice.
The recently elected sheriff for
Breathitt county, Kentucky, was born
and raised on Troublesome Greek.
1t is useless to look for centenarians
in Kentucky. Old age is an imputa'
tion against the Workmanship of that
state
The man who receives the demo-
cratic nomination cannot hope to have
it handed to him on either a gold or
silver salver.
The European powers have advised
the Sultan that he may fight Bulgaria
as much as he pleases provided he does
not hurt her.
And now Count Cassini, the Russian
Ambassador, processes undying love
for the Jews--that is-the Jews who
immigrate to America.
The latest news from the "Iowa
idea" is that it is not dead but merely
lulled to slumber by some of DR..
Allison's soothing syrup.
When Adelina Patti reaches these
shores she and Senator Quay can ex-
change some interesting "reminiscences
on last appearance experiences.
Postmaster Van Cott of New York
need have no fears that his resignation
will be called for. Senator Platt has
come to Washington in Mr.. Van
Colts interest.
For AZ years Mrs. Nancy Ross has
been keeping the light house at Stony
Point, N. Y. Evidently she is not
one of the women who prefers board
ing to light housekeeping.
A Chicago man who advertised or
the same day for a cook and a music
teacher received applications from 38S
teachers and from but nine cooks. Yet
man cannot live on songs alone.
-
Some people think that the high
price of coal last winter was all the
fault of the striking miners. But
those who paid the price rather than
freeze had something to do with it.
The figure of Ceres with a sickl
adOrns the dome of the Kansas builC
ing at the st. Louis fair. Would not
Neptune with an anchor or a life pre-
server be more suitable just now?
1t will profit the people nothing tC
have the POstOffice rascals weeded ou
if they send others to take their places
and elect congressman who secure re
election by cOrrupting post offic
officials.
The post Office scandal will not dow
President Roosevelt has assured tn
public that the affair will be probed t.
the bottom and the postmaster Gen
eral cannot stem the tide Of investi
cation.
The erstwhile happy bachelor gov
ernor of Kansas had, by his own count
} 1000 offers of marriage. Since he ha
accepted only one, there are 1899 re
iected women. "Hell knows no fur
like woman scorned" and the las
state of that man will be worse tha
the first.
}
: The Missouri Supreme Court is bus
| these days granting new trials to th
bOodlers. When the people cease t
, elect prosecuting attorneys because
/ their services in partisan politics an
, elect only men of known probity an
legal ability there will be fewer flaw
in indictments, trials, etc., and fewe
3 bOOdlers will escape.
1t may be edifying to educated fo
: eigners to see our people surcharge
with indiscrimtnate fury over law
2 lessuess in Russia (deplorable but III
preventable and most quickly and s.
: verely punished), while our press
teeming with lynchings, riots and ou
RACES which are not punished. Go t.
Z go to, and take out the beam fro
: thine own eye.
The events ef one day this mont
were chrOnicled as follows: one negl
lynched; strikers in cemetery blow I
crematory, fill graves with water an