The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1903-11-13
: CARPETBAG' JUSTICE.
tOriginal.l

stealln.
"Stealin' whatT' inquired the judge.
This was poser. The attorney
pulled out paper, but as he could not
read he failed TO get the required in
formation. However, he was equal TO
the occasion.
What de prisoner is charged with
stealin', yo' honah, will be brought out
by de witnesses. 1t isn't 70 me TO max
de efferdence. | only conducts de per
secution."
"Wha' yo' been stealin', Lem?"
asked the judge.
Molten. | wanted to go to de mill
de udder day, and | jist borryed Phil
Tomkins' mule
shut up. niggah!" cried the attorney
for the accused. Don yo' know dat
dere is law dat no person is obliged
to crimidate hisself?"
"Yo', Phil Tomkins," said the judge,
did Lem steal yo' mule?"
Yes, sab"
"How a. yo' know" put in the pris-
oner's attorney. dat he didn't borry
it? How do yo' know dat he TUX de
mule at all? How does de cot know
dat de mule belonged to yo'? How
does de cot know dat yo' didn't steal
de mule yo'selfF'
With this preliminary legal flourish.
which was based on observations of
how white lawyers threw dust in the
eyes Of white juries. the attorney sat
down.
What eGerdence is dere," asked the
judge. dat Phil stole de muleT"
"Yo' honah," put in the prosecuting
attorney. Il didn' know dat Phil Tom
kins was bein' tried l tink yo' fin by
examerin' de statutes dat Lem links is
de prisoner"
VIVA yo' know boot de statues?
Don yo' s'pose | know somepin boot
de statues m'self? Does de lawyer
know mo- dan de jidge? What kind of
a cot would dat be, like t know
"Yo' honah" cried the lawyer for the
defense. catching at the advantage Civ
en- him by the judge, Il air prepare t
prove dat Phil Tomkins is de biggest
liar in de county. | got my witnessers
right hyar. Tom Blinker, take de stan"
Tom Binker. reverend looking old
darby stepped out in front Of the
Judge
VIVA yo' know boot Phil Tomkins?"
asked the latter.
phil Tomkins don got no mule"
"Wha'! Don't own no mule? How
Lem links go en- steal Phil Tomkins'
mule wha' Phil don got?'
II hain't hyar judge, 70 { displain
Improbable faces. only hyar t glib my
everdence"
Both the prosecuting and defending
attorneys sprang to their feet. The
Judge looked from one 10 the other, I'M
certain which took precedence; but, be-
ing wise Judge, he found an eXpedi-
ent to determine the matter.
"Yo' gentlemen set down, and when
l say Jump" yo' git up S quick s yo'
can. Den glib de flo to de niggah
wha cit up first
The nimbleneSs of the attorneys was
thus tested and resulted in victory
for the prisoners counsel. who WAS
younger and more active than his oppo-
nent
"Yo' honah," he said. 81 brought
witnesser wha' proved dat Phil Tom
kins hain't got no mule. Derefs' l
proved dat Lem links didn steal it.
Derefo Phil Tomkins is wha' | said
befo de biggest liar in de county"
The Judge scratched his head. The
question was What neXtY The pros
ecuung attorney seemed equally be-
wildered. The counsel for the defense
was the only bright man in the lot.
Besides, he had once been ianitor of
court room and was familiar with the
tricks of the trade
MAY it please yo honah," he began
His honah was certainly pleased at
being addressed so respectfully and
when one of the jurymen blew his
nose overload raped on the board
with his Ratchet.
May it please yo honah, | goin' TO
unraflle dis case wha on count OLD de
stupidness oh de prosecutin' attorney,
spite yo' honah's tryin' TO pervent him.
hab got into tangle like de reins oh
runaway boss. VIVA we goin' TO do In
dis county eff cherry niggah VIVA hain't
6Ol llO lllultS Nil ltht w VIC ' al dblt
time oh de cot 'cusn' honest niggahs
like Lem Jenks?'
"Yo' hear dat Phil Tomkins, yo' tri-
fin niggahf" said the judge sternly.
understanding yo' honah's knowl-
edge oh de law, understanding de rul-
ms oh de cot. our VARIABLE time. wha'
might better be tuken up sittin' in de
sun smokin' de cob, is wasted hyar
listenin' TO de charge oh man TO
havin' he mule stole wha' hain't got
no mule. Now, yo' honah knows de
law well huff to know dat Phil Tom
kins has been n breakin' II, and yo'
honah knows dat de penalty oh break
in de law is hangin.''
'Hor on dar. niggah." cried the pros
ecuting attorney. awakening to the fact
that the trial of Lem jerks by the
adroitness of the opposing counsel had
been converted into the trial OF Phil
Tomkins. Il like to AK de cot who's
bein' tried? ledge. yo' don know no
mo- bout law