The Savannah morning news., 1903-03-15
M r COOLEY.
ON THE ACHIEVEMENTS OF CONGRESS-
BY. F. P. pUNNE.
Copyright. 1903 by Robert Howard Russell

'I see," said Mr.. Hennessy. that
Congress. has knocked off wurruk."
ut has" said Mr.. Dooley; "or, to
spake more accurately, tn House iv
Representatives, has gone back to wur-
ruk. TIL Sinit is still there with its
feet up on tn desk an its vinrable nose
burrid in it's chist. It's been a great
sssion iv Congress. 1t will live long
in tn mim'ry iv tn American people
If they don't f'rget. Ivry time 1 think
iv it, it makes me proud Pm an almost
native iv this country, where tn
meanest citizen can go to Washnton
an get his rights, but nobody else can.
What has it done, says ye? Well,
to begin with, it has smashed tn
thrusts-well, almost smashed thin
well, give thin good hearty pat, an
INFLOW. In tn beginnin' it looked as
though on'y halfway measures wud
be adopted. They was unimportant
bills to take tn money away firm tn
thrusts, to burn thin in lie, to muir
dher thin, to lock thin up FIR life But
tn leaders iV Congress demanded more
dhrastic measures. Me frind, Sinitor
Aldrich, who riprisints a constituency
that's almost as big as my back yard,
was determined that no pains shud be
spared to bring tn thrusts to their
knees in fear or gratichood. 'Gintle-
men, says he, with a chokin' voice, TIL
bills now up do not meet tn case.
They are well enough in their way,
but what is tn use iv attackin' tn
thrusts at their sthrong point, which
is their money? They have gr-reat
knots iv this, as have observed, hav-
in lived in tn house with thin, an
tn best annywan can do is to pick
off a little at a time he says. My
idee is to attack thin at their weakest
point. An what is their weak point,
gintleman? 1t surely is their binivo-
lence. 1 propose to assail thin there.
1 do it with pain, FIR, as We know, how
liver brutal me feelin' to'rd thrusts may
be as a pathrite, as a citizen 1 have a
rale affection FIR wan iv thin. Tn bill
l am goin to offer in tn name iv me
frind, Sinitor Elkins, who is poundin'
his ear in tn cloak room at this min
yit, wrings me heart 1t is an assault
on all that hold dear in life-an' don't
expict to sell till it's a good
deal dearer,' he says. But he says,
no wan liver knew Erasmus Hatch
Aldrich to fail to respond to tn call
iv jooty howiver ad valorem,' he says.
My country calls me an 1 lay aside
IVY COISluileTdIlOn an rush TO TN
bank he says. TIL still small voice iv
jcoty as it ticks off tn figures on tn
tape is liver in me ear, he saws. L
am here to belt tn thrusts.' he says,
an here l am. 1 move We, sir. that
we substichoot FIR TIL bill entitled a
Bill to Murdher Thrusts this here
small but fragrant law entitled "A
Bill to Give Thin a Hearty Hug"
Undher tn terms iv this bill. it will
be illegal FIR a thrust to charge amy
" an FIR its produck more thin it can
get, to pay back money to annywan,
to divide its profits with tn poor to
burn down it's buildins onless insured,
to advance wages, to build churches
an orphan asylums, or to create
fund FIR TIL missionaries in Chiny. If
caught in amy iy these neefaryous in
Enterprises amy officer Nv a thrust will
be lible to a fine iv four millyon dol
lars or Imprisonment in a loonytic asy-
lum or both. AS said L offer this
bin with a sad an achin' heart he
says. But I have done mo jooty an
with that I mus be contint Forgive
TN tears Nv a Spartan Father-in-law
an, boy, call UP New York an get