Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1903-06-12

Beautiful spring. We delight In its
SplendorS,
We can soon wear belt instead of sus-
penders."
Thus sings an Orange (Texas) edl-
tor. His name is Rein, and we pre-
sumo he gave his poetic "hoss" loose
one to write such jovial poesy; but we
want to know:
On what plan is this editor built
that he can wear belt instead OF
suspenders?" The average editor,
who has been tied to desk for years,
gets so full in the middle region that
he has the appearance of having swal-
lowed feather bed or a large-sized
football in its inflated state. A man
of this sort may wear belt, but he
has to wear suspenders as well. He
wears the belt because he has shucked
his vest and desires to hide the stom-
ach band of his trousers. At least
that is the supposition. Now this ed
itor, being corpulent, naturally per-
spires freely and is hot under the COL
lar and under the suspenders most
of the time, but he dare not take on
the shoulder straps and go 1t alone
with the belt, because the belt keeps
slipping down and down, and gives
him the same queer feeling woman
has at a fancy ball when she feels
her petticoat going. At least, we i'm
agine it gives the same awesOme
scare. Never having been a woman
or owned a petticoat, except through
the avenue of feminine helpmeet, we
cannot conscientiously compare the
two slips, but we can speak in a gen.
eral way for the sake of illustration.
Now, how does this Texas editor man.
age to keep his surcingle from slip
ping? 1t is getting warm up this way
and we would appreciate prompt re-
turns.
Hamlin Garland has abbreviated his
book writing for time and is busily'
engaged in Washington, ID. c., revis.
ing the names of Indians on the gov.
eminent rolls. The red man is soon to
be citizen and he must have a com.
moner name than that applied by his
tribesmen. For instance. in later
years it would not be conducive to
best citizenship to read notices like
these in a country paper:
Mrs. Mud-in-the-Ear entertained at
a pink tea Tuesday. She was assisted
by Miss Afraid-of-the-Eclipse. Mrs.
Dog Chase-the-Jack-Rabbit poured"
Yesterday at noon as the sun shone
effulgent at its zenith, Miss Cricket
of-the-Tepee was united in the holy
bonds of matrimony with Startled-at-a-
Calf. ,The happy words that united
the two were spoken by Rev. Muddy
Foot-Lame-Horse of Chickasaw. The
presents were many and numerous in.
Guiding a full seS of china butter
plates presented by She brides father,
Hail-in-the-Face, and her mother, Hia-
MISUNDERSTANDING. The guests
from out of town were Heap-Big Claw
Foot of Aborigine, Miss Gazelle-Neck
of Tecumseh, Stuck-Fast-in-the-M Mud
and Antelope-Ann of Bearfish. Mr.. and
Mrs. Startled-at-a-Calf will be at
home after June at the home of the
brides parents, 81 Flint street."
It is to be hoped that Mr.. Garland
will eradicate all such possibilities;
otherwise the printer is liable to run
out of hyphens.
The esteemed Chicago Tribune, re-
ferring to the dazzling ball given by
Mrs. Adair in London, and under the
sub-head Sensations of the Evening"
says: Lady Warwick, who arrived
late, appeared as Semiramis. The dis
play of pearls and diamonds on her
head dress was wonderful" The Trib-
une, continuing, tells of the appearance
Of Princess Hatzfeldt as Queen Esther
in wonderful gown of clinging yell
low chiffon, ETC., land so thoroughly
was the costume carried out that the
princess had even assumed sandals,
and toe rings blazed on her feet"
The exchange editor Of the Tribune
should be careful to keep this toe
ring sensation away from its Line
-1yPO AAhh hhu OIhCl VI I'D OWh
staff jokers. Country papers please
copy.
Sofa pillows and wives are very
much alike; they will not stand "set.
ting down" on. That is they will not
sit setting down" on,-or, sat sitting
down on,-er, on down! Oh, gee! You
must not sit on the cushions and your
wife won't stand for-er, she won't let
you sit on her, be-"because she's not
built that way" Please pass the
water cure.
A Missouri editor has created a sen.
sation by printing a strong editorial
defensive of Sunday fishing. He in
sists it is no more a sin to catch
fish on Sunday than to catch yellow.
legged chicken for minister's dinner.
The comparison is clever and may
save him much unpleasant criticism
from the pulpit,