The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1903-07-19

Bill Barlows Budget. Douglas. Wye
Alack and alas-rm undone. nemesis
has been on my trail-a Sherlock Holmes
might well be proud to sitl have looked up
the definition of the phrase Hoist with his
own petardw and find II means me! Woe
damning disgrace-is mine! Infamy and OBJ
security sit at my elbow, and contempt and
degradation touch flesh with me at every
introduced to a buzz-saw sooner that
might know the fate. of him who monkeys
Herewith other than through the pangs OF
poignant and prayer-puling Experienced
Cut of in the prime OF lfe--hamstrung and
left for the coyotes TO carol o'er-shot with
bgosh!
Some time since said Shoot" at the tur-
Key buzzard who roosts In the sanctum OF
ly and without malice. pom honor. and with
intent only TO preserve the spotless purity
of my literary linen I'm cage the bird should
take notion to light. And when the crftter
resented my manifest aversion and threat.
ened to open my skeleton closet and DRAG all
sorts OF bones therefrom took a Icing pole
and prodced him pleasantly yet persistently
for you see I'd lost the key 70 that cussed
closet years ago. and was az anxious 70 get
a squint at its contents as any one could
possibly be. But he opened the door-he did
and there you are!
My friend Jim-he of the aforesaid heb
dominal weekly MISUNDERSTANDING a letter
from the warden of the Illinois state peni-
tertiary who says man named William +.
Barrow, who was sent up for grand lar
ceny. was an inmate of that justly cele-
brated hostelry from June p. 1876 until
June 3, 1877. When rsceived-so the ward
ems letter runs-he gave his age as twenty
three, his occupation that of a printer his
nativity New York. His height ls five feet
blue and light hair" And my friend Jim
shouts Are you the William F. Barrow
named I'm this letter not?" In ghoulish
glee--and there you are againl
Excuse these tears, Jim, but had thouGht
until now that the undertaken whom once
hired TO bury the dead past had done q
good job. The unfortunate William r. whose
call must have been me-only there ara
some slight errors In his description ard
history which you will pardon me II point
out. For instance. my prefix isn't Bin ana
never was, and none of our name ever lived
In Illinois. / am feet l0ls In my corns and
chiiclains-growed some since, you see Ny
hair was light once-mum's the word--bue
as everybody knows I've kept IL dyed dur
ing the twenty-six years I've been IN Wy
oming-costs q heap but like IL best that
way. In 1876 and 1871 l was running the
with Bob Crow, now of the Lead City Call.
However, both OF US probably ought 10 have
been In the pen instead-this Is In strict con-
fidence. dyemoind-and Mrs. Bills family
Bible relates that we were wed in March.
1s17-before / was released. you remember
but aside from these little discrepancies.
Jm-trihing typographical errors. as twers
our friend the warden Is correct. l am the
man-you dogt have TO guess again.
All Of which goes to prove. brethren,
that the idiotic and insane are not looked
after s closely they should be and that
when to asinine intellect is added the In
stincts Of a grave robber. the habits OF de-
generate. the heart of harlot and the mug
OF da monk with opportunity to print poison,
der why the pulpit FOUNDER ever closed Up
hell