Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1903-09-12

examining physicians instantly saw through
him. They admitted him to the asylum
with many and sundry winks, one TO the
other, and they passed the word down the
line among the asylum attendants as TO the
character of the new inmates mission
"Oh. we won't do a single, solitary thing
to him. the attendants said unto eacn
other, splitting joyously upon their nanos'
The young man didn't know that his dis
guise'' had been penetrated from the go
off, and that his imitation of insanity
wasn't clever enough to fool rabbit.
From the hour they got hold of him the
attendants proceeded to make the peculiar
ly vealy reporter for the saffron sheet sorry
that he had ever seen the school for jour-
nalism'' up New York state from which
he was graduated. They gave him the hot
and cold water cure alternately and In
mazingly quick sequence, and then they
massaged him with such huge enthusiasm
that they kneaded most of the pelt from his
frame. Then they decided to give him a
novel nerve treatment of their own de-
vising. One of them sat on his head while
another tickled the soles of his bare feet
with a straw. 1t was more than the cub
chroncler for the sepia-hued paper could
stand.
wow! Lemme up!' he yelled, agonized-
ly. IT'S all joke! I'm not bug. I'm a
reporter for the NYawk Kazoo," naming
the paper to which he was attached.
I'VE know dat, Algy," chorused the at
tendants grimly. I'VE knowed wot youse
was from de minnit youse butted in. An
OATS de reason youse is gittin' desc ex-
trys,' and then another of them sat on the
young mans head while two of them occu-
pied themselves in tickling the soles of his
feet.
Expose Promised.
They entertained themselves with the
young man for a few more days, and then
they turned him loose. The paper for
which he works will shortly publish a
stu-pen-jus expose, in Sunday edition, Of
the outrages that are practiced upon in
mates of the pauper asylum, and there isn't
any manner of doubt in life that the thing
will be bitterly written.
But" explained, with grin. one of the
asylum attendants, who helped to dance the
cub during his brief incarceration, I'VE
don't ofn git chanst at such a good ting
as dat, an we jeS' nachully couldn't ha
helped but push it along!''
Looking for Work.
Into the office of a well-known Broadway
theatrical agent there walked the other at
ternoon, a girl of fifteen, who, although
pretty in a blowsy sort of way, looked as
tired as she was hungry. and seemed to
have been rained on a great deal
I'm lookn' for woik,' she told the agent
nudging up to his desk.
'Work-as what?" said the agent, in
surprise
LAS a actress said the girl, YEARLY
Pumping herself into a chair.
Then the manager got her story. The
girl lived in Elizabeth. N. j.. and had been
employed in factory. She had been study
in recitin = for quite few months A
week or so before she had met member of
a ten-twent-thirt show in Elizabeth and
the cruel reprobate had told her that the
New York stage was hankering for her. So
she had come to New York, and she was
looking for an engagement, She had been
sleeping in obscure corners of the park for
two nights. because she had no money to
pay for shelter, and she hadn't had much
to eat in the same length of time, except a
few tomatoes that she had prigged off
market stall. All of this she told the as
tonished agent.
An de actor guy wot I meets in Liz
BETH she concluded ruefully, ''tor me-
after he heard me recite, dat 1 could jes
pick up Juley-et an Lady Macbet' an run
away wit emf
The agent told her that there wasn't
much demand for Juliets or Lady Macbeths
on the part of the New York theater-going
populace just now, and took the girl back
to Elizabeth himself to make sure that she
got there.
BE Was Ferocious
A fiery-tempered produce commission
merchant, with a big establishment on the
North river water 'front.' who appeared in
a New York police court the other day
easily wins the trophy for sustained feroc-
ity.
Just a year ago this commission mer-
chant got into an argument with one of his
clerks. He fired the clerk the clerk talked
back to him, and the thing came mighty
near to ending In mix-up It certainly
would have ended in that fashion, but the
commission merchant thought of some
thing in time. The clerk had something the
matter with his eyes, which required him
to wear eyeglasses.
There is law on the New York statute
books providing for heavy punishment for
the man who, under any circumstances or
provocation whatsoever. strikes a man
whose eyesight compels him to wear eye
glasses. This law was passed good many
years ago, and it has always been rigor-
usly enforced. Scrappy men who never
thought to see the inside of a prison have
done bitter sentences in Sing Sing and
other New York penal institutions for for
gettng-if, indeed, some of them ever knew
that the law of New York state will not
tolerate any fist abuse of the chap who has
to wear eyeglasses or spectacles. 1t is a
peculiarly but perfectly just and admir-
able law, considering the disadvantage I'M
der which man with inferior eyesight
must necessarily labor in a fight with a
man whose eyes are all right. and New
York is said to be the only state in the
Union that has such a law.
Well, the commission merchant was just
on the point of mixing it with his back
talking clerk when he remembered this law.
He knew that If he gave the clerk the
worst of it he was liable to Imprisonment
for a long term under the law protecting
persons of defective eyesght, and he knew,
too, that under the same law the victim
could institute suit for heavy damages
against him, and probably win the suit.
The commission merchant was furiously
angry at his clerk-but he was a man of
amazing self-control, not to say of I'M
parallelled sustained ferocity, and instead
of yielding to his desire to thrash the clerk
he Immediately Gained down and told the
clerk he wds sorry, and took him back into
his service. The clerk figured that the
matter was all patched up, and was rather
glad not to lose his job.
Working the Doctor.
A month or so later the commission
merchant who had been becoming more
and more friendly In manner toward the
clerk told him that he'd better visit a
specialist to have his eyes attended to
and offered to pay the bill for the treatment
out of his own pocket. The clerk accepted
the offer, and went to one of the most
| famous eye specialists in New York Last
week he was pronounced cured, and the
| commission merchant had by that time PAID
| about 81 GOO in eye-doctors' bills for the
| clerk. When his eyes were pronounced
cured. the clerk was told that he could
off ri ha fret