Lincoln County leader. [volume] (Toledo, Lincoln County, Or.) 1893-1987, 1903-01-16
Z@< zASHsS
@1M%FGT

your Office as hot as an oven? Willis
It's there l make nay daily, bread
Town and Country.
why, harold. I'm surprised! You
should wait unit. the blessing is ask
ed" 81 did ask mine" You did,"
Yes: and God said Go, ahead! y
Life. Il
Glass in history: Teacher-Jamie,
can you tell me why Lincoln is called
the martyr President? Jamie-'Cause
he has to stand for all the Lincoln sto-
ries.-Ex.
80 you are going to get an automo-
bile?" Yes" answered the man who
is always thinking of his health; the
doctor says l must walk MORE
Washington Star.
Mrs. Fortyodd-A man is as old as
he feels, but a woman is as old as she
looks. Mr.. Extraordinarily, madam,
that doesn't apply to your case, I'm
sure.-Chicago Daily News.
The Browning clubs of Boston: 'Do
you still read Browning in Boston?"
"Oh, dear, no. We all learned him
by heart long ago. We merely dis
cuss him now."-Chicago Record-Her
aid.
Dorothy-Say, auntie, is religion
something to wear? Aunt Julia-My
dear, why do you ask such foolish
questions? Dorothy-'Cause papa said
you used your religion for a cloak
Judge.
Fuddy-There is one thing about
Flanders that 1 like. He never has
anything to say about his aches and
pains. Daddy-No; but he's all the
time Dragging about his splendid
health.-Boston Transcript.
Miss Ascum-Wasn't that Mr.. Bonds
1 saw you walking with last evening?
Miss Coy-Yes. Miss Assemblies a
landed freebooter of the county, isn't
he? Miss Coy blushing)-Well-er-he
isn't quite landed yet.-Philadelphia
Press.
She was a teacher in one of the
lower classes, and she was trying to
remind the young scholar Of the letter
r. Now, Tommy, what comes at the
end of dinner?" "Oh, yes, ping-pong"
shouted Tommy, joyfully.-Yonkers
Statesman.
Tourlst-Do these racing automo-
biles give you farmers much trouble?
Native-No end NV it! It's got so now
that when we see a dark, funeral
shaped cloud approaching we don't
know whether to run fer a gun or a
cyclone cellar!-Puck.
Forgot himself: Mrs. Henpeck-We
hev bin married twenty years to-day,
Hiram. Hiram with a sigh)-Yes; fer
twenty years we've fought Mrs.
Henpeck (scowling)-What? You old
wretch! Hiram (quickly)-Life's bat
ties together, Mirandy.-Judge.
No call for leisure: what, you back
70 work, Pete? When l saw you fall
off the building yesterday 1 never ex-
pected to see you work again." Il
fought dat, too, boss. But nah wife
done let nah accident assurance eX-
piah last week."-Indianapolis News.
First Comedian-Did you score. a hi
with your new speciality? Second
Comedian-Did l? Why the audience
gazed in open-mouthed wonder before
1 was half through. First Comedian
Wonderful! 1t is seldom that an en-
tire audience yawns at once.-Chicagc
Daily News.
"Are you the defendant" asked q
man In the court room, speaking to al
old negro. mo, boss" was the reply
II amt done nothing to be called
names like that. Use got a lawyer
here who does the defensing." "Ther
who are your" Use the gentleman
what stole the chickens"
Education" said the impassioned
orator, "beglns at home" That's
where you're off," said the calm spec.
%rtator; ut begins In the kindergarten,
is continued in the boarding-school,
football field, Paris, London, and Wall
street, and ends in either Sing Sing or
Newport."-Life.
Cholly proudly)-By Jove! I'm quite
a professor of swimming, don't you
know. l taught Mabel Galley how t
swim In two lessons. Jack-Gad! THAI
was a quick throw-down. Cholly Din
dignantly)-What do you mean? Jacl
why, she let me give her ten lesson.
before she learned.-Brooklyn Life.
'The new railroad has been a grear
blessing to u.s." says a rural exchange
Sin less than six weeks we got enough
damages out of 1t to build n town hal
and grade the cemetery. A few NOR,
aptarnricac NJ thfo bind md o,,r fnu,,