Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1903-01-10
ODD MRS. RAFFLES.
BY A ADELER.

was out in his front yard, Mr.. Rafles came
out Of bis house, suddenly, with his face
flushed, and when he reached the fence he
stopped, placed his elbows upon il, and in
reduced himself to Mr.. Cooke with an OBJ
servation respecting the weather.
When Mr.. Cooke joined bim at the fence,
Mr.. Raf1es tipped his thumb over his shoul-
der toward the house, and remarked conf
dentially to Mr.. Cooke:
That's a most extraordinary woman ia
there!"
Mrs. Raflesg"
Eyes. We had a little dispute. Last
Wednesday she fried the oysters in her
pomatum; yesterday she creased the grid
die for the buckwheat cakes with simple
| cera6e, and now she Will insist upon snort
ening the piecrust with letter ointment.
Wouldn't listen to reason. said grease was
grease; and what's good enough for letter
is good enough for pies. / couldn't coincide
with her views, and as she wanted to urge
them with the rollingpin, | thought / would
come out to get the air. She's a good wom-
an in some respects, but she's peculiar
we haven't seen her about very much,"
said Nj. Cooke.
mo. Well, to tell you the truth, she is a
little shy about showing herself: You know
size used to suffer a good deal from freckles.
And one day she bought a bottle Of the
Balm OF Venezuela, which was warranted
to remove freckles and produce a lovely
complexion. She applied the balm, and to
my surprise the freckles began to spread.
They crept out on her nose, around on her
neck, and the more balm she put on the
thicker they got. Before the first bottle
was gone she had them all over her; IL
fact, she was one complete freekle from
head to foot. Has a kind of undertone look,
something like a mulatta. She was not .
good-looking woman before; but, now
well, really believe she's the homeliest-"
William Hen-r-r-ry!" called a woman's
voice from the house, just at this june
ture.
Yes, darling-coming!" replied Mr.. Raj
les. That's she" said he to Mr.. Cooke.
Her voice is rather shrill now | can re-
member when she was a right good singer;
her voice was soft, and sweet, and low, but
she injured it, | think, partly by trying to
cut her tonsils with the shutters. They
were too long, and they tickled her throat
and made her cough; but instead Of sending
for the doctor she endeavored to clip them
off herself with the shutters, and she crap
pied her voice for life. Cut off too much,
in my opinion. When she sings now ! al
ways hurry out and go right down to the
post office or the BARRIERS. Can't possibly
stand it, you know"
The voice Of Mrs. Rafles was heard again
calling for William Henry.
Eyes, love-be there directly" said Mr..
Raffles, in reply. She's a persistent WON
an; never lets go when she makes up her
mind to q thing. We never had any chill
dren Of our own, and some time ago we
adopted a boy. She insisted upon having
him named Observation-Disclosures Rat
fes; perfectly hideous, you know. The
boys name was Acknowledgment to him by
his own parents. | said he should not be
named Macintosh. She said he should.
So we wrangled about it end wrangled;
and one day when | was out, she took him
around and had him baptized Macintosh
four times by four different ministers; and
when ! got home she was stencihng this
name up and down the small of his back
and along his legs with indelible ink. Bound
to have it so, you know, although the boy
was crying; and so | let her drift along and
have her own way until the boy died; and
then she put a monument over hin with
"Mackintosh Rafies" cut on it in letters
a foot long. She beats any woman | ever
saw"
"She must have a great deal of determi-
nation" said Mr.. Cooke.
'She has. But she's not what you'd call
a brave woman. She's dreadfuily afraid of
mice. Since we came here the mice ave
run about our rooms a good deal at night.
and do you know what she does? She sets
IS or 20 mouse traps around in the bed,
F., SOS - catch them if they climb up to nib
BILE her. The consequence is that / get to
hdgeting about in my sleep and | touch off
the trap with my toes. This morning when
i got up | had four mouse traps on the toes
of my right foot. No man can sleep com-
Portable under such Circumstance
Again the voice Of Mrs. Raties was heard.
shrill and loud, inquiring for William
Henry.
BE along directly, deary," said Mr.. Raj
aes, in reply. "She's the straugest womani
You wouldn't believe l can never get hay
to look in an almanac. She keeps her rec
ord of time by cutting notches on the pie
board. Every now and then she misses
a day. My impression is that she is now
about two or three months behindhand.
Consequence is she often celebrates Wash
%ington's birthday just before Christmas, and
| have known her to go out into the yard
on the 10Th of September and bang off fire.
crackers, and wave the American flag, and
fire s%alutes, and get up a whole lot Of pa
triotic enthusiasm under the impression
t..ll d. was the Fourth Of July
"Sae is patriotic, is she:'
"Oa, yes. She had a portrait Of her fist
husband banging for awhile in the f%2rior.
.ae dis Sac concluded to have it dsed up
..tD "a portrait of Benjamin Franklin. /