Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1903-11-25

Humorous.
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS.

Business Sense-"The P. X. & Y. ~
the most interesting railroad In the
country" Jumpuppe-Why? "They
now run excursions and observation
trains to the scenes of all their Inn
portant wrecks."-Ex.
"Let us have peace" said the Eng
lish invader; "can you not see that the
white strangers love the rcdmen?"
"Ah, yes" replied the intelligent In
dian, "they love the very ground we
walk upon" -Philadelphia Press.
Silence Fell as a Pall.-Young Wife
lat dlnner)-I didn't tell you, Adolphus.
cooked the dinner to-day myself.
Husband = Indeed! Then in my
thoughts have been doing poor Mary
Ann great injustice.-Pearson's
Weekly.
Fond of Fancy Work.-"Does your
wife do much fancy work." Fancy
work? She won't even let a porous
plaster come into the house without
crocheting red border round 1t and
running yellow ribbon through the
holes. TIT Bits.
+
A Rare Chance.-Nell-I was de-
lighted to meet her at bargain sale
today. Belief thought you detestetl
her. Nell-So do; and during the
crush found chance to give her
few good pokes on my own account.
Philadelphia Ledger.
Passerby-Well, we'll! Have you
been getting licking, little man? Lit
tie Man-You called de turn, stranger.
Foist de Jones kid he licked me, den
ma licked me fer fghtin', den wen pa
came home he licked me fer losin' to
de Jones id!-Boston Post.
"Such weather!" exclaimed Mr.. Hen.
~ Peck. I'm free to say this'
Whats that, Henry?" interrupted his
wife. Beg pardon, my DEAR" he be-
gan meekly. 81 mean 'with-your per-
mission I'm free to say this is the
worst climate under the sun."-Phil-
adelphia Press.
Yes" said the dentist, ito insure
painless extraction you'll have to take
gas, and that's fifty cents extra"
"Oh! said the farmer, II guess tho
old way'll be best; never mind no gas.
you're brave man." "Oh! 1t amt
me that's got the tooth; it's my wife"
Philadelphia Ledger.
No Advantage to Her.-"Are you
training your daughters in the house
hold arts? n mo. What's the user
Jest MS soon as got one Of them
trained SOS she could help me, some
man would come along an marry her.
An men are hayin' 1T too easy these
days. anyhow."-C Chicago Post.
A hopeless case: "a great big, able
bodied man like you ought to be
ashamed to ask stranger for money
said the well-to-do citizen. II know
I ought" answered Meandering Mike;
''but, mister, I'm jes' naturally too
kind hearted to tap IN on de head and
take 1t way from Washington
Star.
Il see you have chicken for dinner.n
.Hessuh," said Erastus Pinkley.: II
hope you bought the chicken" well,
no; but the transaction were strictly
regular. Dat chicken has been roost-
In on my fence fob months wifout
payin' muffin. an reckoned 1t Were
bout time to fohclose. Washington
Star.
He--"So the engagement is broken
OFF," She yes. He told her he
thought she should stop reading noy.s
els and rend something more substan-
tial; something that would improve
her." He-"Well?' She-'Well, the
idea Of man intimating to his fiancce
that she could he improved In any
way"-P Philadelphia Press.
Sad part of 1t: What did you do
with that fellow who stole the horse?''
asked the tenderfoot. "Sothin' much"
answered Broncho Bill-.jist took the
boss away from him." rs that all?s
"Yep. He war settin' in the saddle
with rope around his neck tied to
tree when we took the boss away,
though. indianapolis Sun.
Stranger-Are the walters here at
tentive to you? Pretty Cashier
sir-r-r-r! Stranger-Oh, no offense,
assure you. was only carrying out
the instructions printed on the bill OF
fare. which say: please report any
inattention Of walters to cashier" And
I thought II they We're inattentive to
you would report them-that's ALL
Baltimore American.
Well trained: I'm anxious to get
the names of all present" said the re-
porter; will you o5lige me" "Oh!'
said the meek little man, "you may
put down Mrs. Henry Peck and hus-
band.'" ''You mean Mr.. and Mrs.
Henry Peck don't you?" Il would
prefer that" he replied, with fur.
tive glance over his shoulder. but,
for goodness sake. dent say gave
1t to you that way Philadelphia
Press.
Overheard in ourt.-Counsel ito
witness) Show can you prove that the
prisoner stole six of your handker-
chiefs? "Why, because they were my
handkerchiefs that were found on him.
Look at them for yourself. They are
exactly the same as nine" "That
proves nothing. have some handker-
chiefs like those" That's quite pos
sible," replied the witness; several
more of mine are missing."-Ex.
In the near future: Domestic
Don't you want to go out this after
noon, Mrs. Manning?' Mistress-..Yes,
Mary, l should like to go out, but I'm
afraid It will incommode yon." Do
mestic-"Oh, never mind me, marin;
it's SO long since you've had an after
noon of l must insist that you take
one to-day. But be sure and come
home early. may have callers, you
know, and l shall want somebody to
tend the door. "-Doston Transcript.
Too Much Noise.
Don't you hear the bells summon
ing you to church," asked an indiR.
nant country Clergyman of n fisherman
whom he met on his way to church.