The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1903-07-19
The Snburbanite and
lis Stop Watch.

Just imagine IT, impressiveiy exclaimed
MT. Isolate, Of the suburb Of lovely Lonely
vile. as he and his suburban neighbor. Mr..
Hermitage. were committing to the city TO
business on the seven-three flyer the other
morning. Il asked Mr.. Tenweekly bones.
who moved out to picturesque LonelyTiiie
from Harlem SIX months ago, and who ought
to be somewhat OF suburbanite by this
time. how long II took him to run from his
house TO the station In the morning. and
would You believe 1.-THE actually said he
was not certain. but TINT he generally
gave himself seven minutes. Think Of it!'
Why. dsgustingly commented Mr.. Her
mitage, "the record time from Tenweekly-
homes cottage TO the station when Mr..
Shakes lives there was only three minutes
and Il seconds
Exactly" exclaimed Mr.. Isolate, with en-
tnusitsm- No matter how muddy It was be
never took over three minutes and IS sec
onds at the longest. But Tenweeklybones
hasn't got his life at all systematized. He
cant tell ron on hand how long or how short
time II would take him to do any certain
thing. You may not believe it," Mr.. Isolafe
continued lowering his voice to conidenz
tial tone, but he has not got such a thing
rs stop watch In his housei 1t came out
In our conversation. Just think of a man
living In the suburbs as long as he has with
out stop watch Why, | simply could not
get along without NINE
Nor l without minei" responded Mr.. Her
mitage, earnestly. But that is the way 1t
goesr' he growled. testify. "City people
come ont here to the glorious suburbs where
we dwell near to natures heart and they
neglect the first principles of correct subur-
ban life. They don't buy stop watches and
time themselves to a fraction of a second at
breakfast, dressing and running to the sta
tion and what is the consequence? Why.
they never know within a minute or so OF
how long It will actually take them to do
certain things, and they are forever missing
their trains and laying 1t all up against SUI
burban life in general, instead of to their
own stupidity, as they should. You tell
them to get stop watch and time them
selves in these occupations, and they are in
clined to ridicule you for your trouble. Why,
should as soon think of getting along with
out galvanized iron pump for my cellar as
TO do without a good. reliable stop watchl
have a clamp by which l fasten my stop
watch to the handle Of my moving machine.
1t is so interesting to know just exactly how
long 1t takes one to NOW ones lawn. have
done mine In 40 minutes and 80 and six
tenths seconds already"
Gee wbittikers You stand good chance
chance of winning the awn-mowing contest
at the next nremen's picnic. have Anabel
hold my stop watch and time me when
shave mornings The best time have ever
one-tenth seconds. That | made one morn
ing when oversight myself. My average
time at breakfast now Is only six minutes
and seventeen seconds, since we have begun
having predlgested breakfast food at our
house instead of nine minutes and two sec
onds. as 1t always used to be; so, II have
eleven minutes before train time wnen
sit down have lots of time and can even
put on my overcoat and gloves at my le1sufe
in the house after I get up from the table
instead of on the run to the station. be-
cause can always make the half mile to
the raIlroad in three minutes and ifty-ATe
seconds. If the running Is not too muddy
under foot.
.,Mv record for the three-fouths,o of a r'ile
from our cottage to the station Is SIX MN,
utes and ffty-four and nineteenth seconds.
interrupted Mr.. Hermitage, proudly "agslhs.
seven minutes and ten seconds thaf u USED
TO take Mr.. Wetceller, who lived there oeIore
u.s."
well. that is the way 1t Is. have noticea
that constant running for our trains IS max
ing us suburbanites speedier ana speealer
on our feet. My record to the statlon Is heariy
two minutes shorter than that OF MI. basy-
payments, who lived In my cottage nVe years
ago and from whom bought IT.
but, say. Did you ever time your wire
by your stop watch when she was dressing
TO go out with you of an EVENING"!
.'Yes, onceg exclaimed Mr.. Isolate, Win
a sigh.
"How long did she take?"
al don't know l got tired and went to
s,een., CON. C. CONVERSE.