davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Ottumwa semi-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1899-1903, 1903-04-28
PUZZLED.

man had been absent for some time
and during his absence had raised
pretty luxuriant crop of whiskers,
mustache, etc. On returning home he
visited a relative, of whose little girl he
was very fond.
The little girl did not salute him with
q kiss, as was usual
Why" said the mother, don't you
give Uncle VIII a kiss?'
Why, mummy returned the little
girl with the most perfect simplicity, II
cont see any place"
Ottumwa semi-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1899-1903, 1903-04-28
A Mean Trick.


"Whin Doogan
doied, his fri'nds
stint a floral piece
entoitled Gates
Ajar.'
"Phwat did his
inimies do?"
They got tn
florist to make an
luther un avn call
ut Phase Close TIN
Door, I"
Ottumwa semi-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1899-1903, 1903-04-28
Similar.


III clio, Jonesl
You don't mean to
say this is really
you?"
1T certainly is"
why, j thought
you were dead"
mo; never was
dead"
Say, are you
sure of tllat?"
"Of course L
am"
We'll, I read
something in the
paper some time
ago about your
funeral"
"Oh, no. You
p no ba bly, read
about my mar
riage."
Perhaps it was.
l know it was
something sad"
Ottumwa semi-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1899-1903, 1903-04-28
sPolLINe HIS HERolcs

You have looked on my face for the
last time he resolutely declared as he
put on his hat.
cried.
Grow beard"
Ottumwa semi-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1899-1903, 1903-04-28

HOT WEATHER LUCK.
Now comes that trying time of year
Whose woes each Benedict can tell
When madam sheds the scalding tear
Because her jelly failed to jell
Ottumwa semi-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1899-1903, 1903-04-28

Jones-Why in the world did Smith
stop taking Turkish baths when he was
married?
Brown-oh, / guess it's because his
wife keeps him in hot water all the time.
Ottumwa semi-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1899-1903, 1903-04-28
THE UNEXPECTED.

Edith-No, Herbert. 1 can never bs
your wife, but will be-
Herbert-Don't say sister to me. Sd
many girls have said that!
Edith--I wasn't going to say that. /
was going to say that shall be de-
hghted TO be your aunt. / accepted
your Uncle George last night.
Ottumwa semi-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1899-1903, 1903-04-28

William shall thrash
of
to thrash eemi nsces
Ottumwa semi-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1899-1903, 1903-04-28

AT THE BALL GAME.
Jones is quite good fielder, isn't
hep"
err
Ottumwa semi-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1899-1903, 1903-04-28
Ii All penends

1t All Depends.
Husband -Have
you much shop
ping to do today?
Wife-I do not
know How much
money have you
got?
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1903-01-21
THE MAGAZINES

The :Ainslee's for February contains =
novelette, by Josephine Dixon. entitled
Money and Matrimony.'' bright story
OF Washington life, full Of hun1or and
good hits. There is a good story of life
in the southwest entitled cart and the
Broncho, by Oliver Henry, besides a
fine lot Of short stories. Father Tabb is
zone of the poetical contributors. New
York: $50 Fifth avenue.
The Political Science Quarterly contains
q paper by John Bates Clark on Author
itative Arbitration, in which he argues
that sooner or later this country will have
to choose between wages adjusted by ir-
regular force and wages adjusted by the
action of some kind Of tribunal, and he
shows that if unions were formed in every
employment, of qualified men, and were
incorporated, there would be small diff
Guilty adjusting the rate of pay in any
trade. The unions would be financially
responsible and would have an equal
standing in court with the employing cor
porations. TT. T.. Newcornb reviews
the history Of the Interstate commerce
commission and its work and makes se-'
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1903-01-21
Canada's Tariff Policy and Coal.

Some weeks ago a prominent Canadian
business man told the Quebec Chronicle
that fears as to the Americanization Of
western Canada: by means of the hordes
of American settlers the Canadians expect
soon to descend upon them, were ground
less. But. he continued, there was an
other and real danger to the future Of
Canada, and that was that the economic
differences of the east and the west would
grow into as bitter divergence of views
and feelings as that between the north
and south before the American civil war.
This conflict of the interests of eastern
and western Canada is the same that
Goodwin Smith LONG ago foresaw It is
natural. The interests of western Can
ada are ma turally with western America.
This natural tendency may be overcome,
perhaps. by improved railway connection
with eastern Canada and the strengthen
ing of business ties between the two
parts Of the Dominion. On the other hand
the influx of a tremendous American pop
llation which does not care a straw for
British sentiment or Canadian national
Of western away from eastern Canada
Two newspaper straws show how diff
ferently the political wind blows in the
two parts of Canada. The Toronto World
is having daily fits for fear the American
rebate on coal may lead to free trade in
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1903-01-21

the use OF 40 miles Of water Lake which
the principal objection to The arguments
that since it would avoid the deepening from
syracuse to Buffalo It would be much cheaper
account of navigation Lake Ontario vessels
make the much quicker from the lakes New
York city than by the other route The objection
is proposed fit
not be easily handled in the Ontario
would have to be Of much expensive to
meet the requirements Of the lake. IT :F y
Governor Odell barges be supplied with
electrical power generated by the state along
thought that in this transit through
made comparatively rapid @ 4.5 ..-a # 49,
The first toward the realization great project
will be the submission Of constitutional
people for getting
the cost Governor Ode thinks both principal and
interest could be corporation and other taxes
which he while of the canal would
be met by small toll tax the people should favor
ably the canal could be constructed
within two three years. : @5".
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1903-01-21

one of the rarest of poetic pleasures
These poems cannot be displaced from
the popular estimation by the filings of
shallow critics. There is a charm in the
easy flow of the hexameters Of "Evangel-
me and its alluring glirnpses of the pic
turesque Acadie and it's people; it's por-
trayal of the Teche country Of Louisiana
and the moss-festooned forests along the
Mississippi river, and the Elusive quest Of
the lover for his promised bride. And
Professor Woodbury. is right when he says
no attempt to portrayp in verse the Indian
life in this country has ever been as effect
i've as Longfellow's "Hiawatha'. That
poem has been parodied and ridiculed by
some, but it will be read and quoted a
century hence as much as it is now
1t is a whitening commentary upon the
quality of the poetic instinct of people
that they decry these and other poems Of
Longfellow. They have little appreciation
OF the true poetic art. Longfellow's poe
try has been read into the hearts of his
countrymen. Far and wide the children
of$the schools know them These make
a valuable constituency go. &c. p
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1903-01-21
DAILY DIVERSION

Interest Ate 1t Up-This anecdote; tole
yb the late ZebuIon B. Vance, at one tim,
governor OF North Carolina, and after.
ward United States senator, has jus
reached the north: -
He was seated in his office one DAY
when an old negro. one Of his Charity;
clients came in. Taking off his hat, the
old man scraped his feet and bowling yer,
obsequiously, said:
Good .rnornin', Marse Zeb; how is Vol
an de Mistis dis n1ornin'?'' -
Quite will, thank you, Romulus. How
are you this morning." "$ ~
SOS to be about. thank de Lord, but
still got a little misery" - ss " r -
wen, Romulus, you are always com
planning, but what can do for you this
morning. -:
OATS jest what come to see Won
'nout, san You know, dat trif1in' mig
ger Jim Simpson doan you?'' 49,
"Oh, yes; certainly 4 know Jim but
what's he done to you?" p
Oats jest hit, Marse Zeb; dat's lest
hit; ne amt done nothin, OATS de trouble,
dat Niger ben OWN me. ten dollars for
nigh onto. five or six years, an he amt
never pay me nair cent, not nair cent
sal.'' -
Well have you ever asked him for it,
Romulus?"
AK him for it.? Cose Tse axed him for
it, and dat's how come come to YOU.
Well when was the last time you
asked him for it?"
"Yistiddy, sab; jest as de sun was GO
in down. +
We'll, you say he didn't, pay your
No. sab; deed he didn't,5an dats Jest
'zactly how come come to see YOU
Well, as he didn't pay you, what did he
say; what excuse did he give?"
Marse Zeb, dat no. count. triflin' mig
ger say he done ben OWN me dat money
so long. sab, dat de intrust done eat it ali
up, and he didn't owe me nair cent, sab,
not nair cent
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1903-01-21
IN A NUTSHELL
Present Status OF the Project

The has interest project looking to
the faciation Of communication between the
and the Atlantic interest in
the Erie canal has the Of we
can fall back the Canadian the Lawrence
but present the Erie canal across
New York to the metropolis deepening the Erie
would probably keep them there IT, r
In his to the New York legislature January
Governor Oden pronounced in favor Of
for the canal, and estimated that would together
with the deepening Of the Champain
level cost with interest yyear bonds $685.
OO0OO0or about much
the isthnus OF Panama The interior is practically
the route Of the present Erie canal with
slight proposed deviatons swinging north
of Syracuse and passing through
nave thirty forty locks according
route chosen and the method of
exterior route which has been strongly urged Eng
neerng News contemplates
deepened Erie canal and Oswego Lake Ontario and
canal from Lake Erie route involves
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1903-01-21
The Leagues Pronunciamento.

At the regular annual meeting of the
American Protective Tariff league last
week in New York, reciprocity as cham
pioned by Mckinley and Roosevelt was
condemned in a resolution, unanimously
adopted, and characterized as 'unsound
in principle, pernicious in practice and
condemned by all experience and hay
ing mo justification in economics, states
manship, ethics or good politics."
About the time this resolution was
adopted by the league, the German reich
stag was taking steps to get the imperial
government to denounce the most favored
nation treaties, " including the United
States, in order to minimize our trade
with Germany. AS Germany has num-
Der of commercial treaties ma turing this
year, it would hardly be an exhibition Of
wisdom on the part of our government
if it refuses to make such tariff conces-
sions to Germany as would abate the
rigors of the imperial tariff law recently
enacted by the reichstag, which, although
not as restrictive Of our trade as the
agrarian party desired, is yet injuries to
cur foodstuffs trade.
Our senate has had before it for some
France, the time Of which has been twice
extended. 1t gives us larger advantages
than we concede to France, and yet the
latter has consented to 1t while our gov
eminent, which sent a special commission
to France to negotiate the treaty under
bur own tariff provisions, has the morti-
fication of knowing that the treaty is hung
who take the view of the American Pro-
tective Tariff league and are willing to
see our growing European trade minim-
lied by stupid refusal to make any tariff
concessions.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1903-01-21
G'WAN, NoW?' EXCLAIMED MULLIGAN

three minutes. Under the police it was
inherent. Arcularious noted out of the
corner OF his eye that a patrolman's idea
OF three minutes was highly elastic.
"Gwan now" exclaimed Officer Multi
gan to Arcularious just as the latter was
puillng. into, not away from, the curb
wan, you been here long enough YOU
hungarian Arcularious. the first time
thls happened, started to explain, first
that ne was not a Hungarian; second
that he had not been at a standstill for
even three seconds
% wan now exclaimed Mulligan. Civ
ing MIN a sudden push that knocked his
special cent fruit into the street. None
O. yer lip -
Arcularious cleared out. At first he
couidn t understand it, but by dint of fire.
quent inquiry he found that three minutes
from the police point of view, was chron-
ologlcally cipher, unless.
Unless you creased the officers palm
with substantial portion of your profits
Onder such circumstances three minutes
might extend itself into three hours, and
the law, which takes no note of trifies,
would never know the difference. 49,.
But Arcular1ous, whose remote ancestor
douptless held the pass at Thermopylae
rebeiled. That which the law. vouch-
5 So sunto him-that; he reasoned with
himself, he must haye,t-.o +.-y.rrt 49, -.
l.
SELF referring to Policeman Mulligan
these man! I shall get even-very even,
with these man.
1t has ever been a mooted question
whether the policeman was made for the
side door or the side door for the nolice-
man. There were several side doors on
FoIceman Mulligan's beat, like as not all
maze Tor him. At any rate he made for
tIeIh win persfstency worthy of a bet
ter cause. But the mowers that u, 49,
taoooed the side door practice. So it was
only When the coast was clear that Multi
gan deigned to enter E.a>
,, and to Think he complained bitterly.
that a year ago Led stand out in the
street and drink .pailful. All. g'wan,
you dlrty Eyetalian, git out O. there >
Arcularlous picked up his muddied fruit
and once more went his way.
Next day he reappeared, but not alone.
He brought with him three bright -eyed
curly-ha1red boys from his tenement
mouse. Each Of them had a banana in his
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1903-01-21
NOT a FAMILY SECRET
Macoupin. ILL.,. County Argus.

Macoupln, ILL.,. County Argus.
/ The little daugter Of a certain profess
sional man Of Carlinville is a great chat
ter box, and withal has more than the
average childish inclination to tell thinra
which the well-conducted family wouId
rather keep to itself. Things at last grew
to such pass that the other members of
the family decided a check must be MT
on her tongue. The fathers decided that
he would take his little daughter in hand.
representing to her the error of her wavs
and specifying things that must not be
told, as well as the penalties in case thew
We're. Little miss seemed much impressed
and promised to reform. At a dinner given
last week the little girl was allowed =
seat at the table. She behaved beauti
fully and was as mute as possible. till
the dessert was about over when her father
noticed that her eyes were fun Of tears
and. her chin quivering. What is the
matter, little daughter" he asked. .I-
l-s--w-want some more Ice cream, il
that is not family secret she walled be-
tween Sobs.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1903-01-21

tories are admitted as states, the west,
then with two thirds Of the area and one
half Of the people. will be outvoted in
the senate-52 to "a. so Senator McCum-
Der concludes that, since the conversion
Of all the existing territories into states
will still leave the west unequally repre-
scented in the senate, it is only justice
to the west to admit them as they are -
The argument of the senator that in
dustries rather than states are represented
at Washington is interesting III view Of
the close organization or combination of
all industries nowadays, so that ,legisla-
ton Is coming to be class legislation and
legislators the representatives of special
interests. To carry Senator McCumber's
idea little further, if we were to form
a new constitution to-day, it might be
seriously proposed to assign the senators
to Industries instead Of to states. Aldrich
would represent pinchbeck jewelry; Hale
of Maine, lumber; Burrows of Michigan,
beet sugar; Morgan Of Alabama, cotton;
Allison Of Iowa, corn; Quay Of Pennsyl-
vania, steel; Nelson Of Minnesota, -four
and wheat, etc. ..-. .....
But it is not feasible to undertake to
sectionalise industries as Mr.. McCumber
does. Manufactures are invading the west,
and agriculture is returning to the east.
Indian territory, Colorado and, perhaps.
New Mexico. will yet have iron and steel
industries that will rival those of PENN
sylvania. AT the same time the principle
of equality of representation snakes 1t
desirable that when this growing country
takes on permanent status as to distri-
button Of population, there should be ap-
proximately equal population representa-
ton in the senate. But one state more
or less will not greatly affect this repre-
sentation, and, at any rate, Mr.. McCum-
ber's contention is not a valid argument
for immediate admission Of any territory,
though 1t applies against the proposed
Of Oklahoma and Indian Ter
ritory into one state. -.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1903-01-21

Judge Morris prospects for appoint
ment as district judge of the federal court
are certainly very. encouraging. The
president seems to have practically de-
cided the question, and if he selects Judge
Morris he will have the justiflca ton Of the
Of the state. Judge Morris is aided In
his candidacy very materially by the fact
that this judgeship belongs to Duluth, not
only on the principle of a fair distribution
of political favors, but because it is the
center Of a very large part Of the business
which that court would be expected to
handle. -. -.,
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1903-01-21
Average daily circulation OF
The Journal for Dec. 1909,
5 1908.
The Lodge Resolution.

We really hate to do it, but now tina
our friends. the hitherto unswervinr tariff
standpatters, have given us a sort of tariff
concession gift horse. we really must in.
slst upon looking 1t in the mouth. The
Lodge resolution for an investigation oil
the maximum and minimum tariff idea
may be all right, and then again it may
not Senator Lodges aloofness towards
the New England advocates of reciprocity
with Canada and other countries is enough
IN itself to keep us from jumping up In
the air and cracking our heels together
with joy over his latest move. Still he
may have seen great light. His propo>
sition for reciprocity in coal suggests that
ne is, beginning to get the drift of. things
"A maxim UNI and minimum tariff scheme
has the merit. as compared with reci-
proclty treaties, of simplicity. 1t is q
general standing offer of reciprocity with
in certain well defined lines But unless
the minimum and the maximum, too are
made low enough. it may easily become
aftarift fraud. At any rate. it must not
too readily be taken as a universal sub
stltute for reciprocity treaties. Even
with a r1aXimum and-mininnum tariff
plan. we may desire special relations with
Canada, Newfoundland, Mexico, Cuba and
other countries. -
Then again. allowing the plan the limit
OF Intrinsic worth it may now be Dut
forward with dubious motives It NAV
be intended only as a stall for tariff agi-
tation that locks to an early slashing OF
some tariff schedules without the aid O.
consent of any general plan. The inves-
LEGATION Senator Lodge proposes may be
continued a long time without getting
anywhere. And when it does get any
where our friends who are so fearful of
a general tariff revision may remind us
that to put our tariff on a maximum and
minimum basis is to revise it generally.
That, of course. is a very grave matter
which must take deal of study And SO
We will have entered upon a succession OF
delays.
We do not oppose the Lodge idea, we
are not sure that it may not work out we'll
and we know it is the tariff policy now
adopted by many countries: we only assert
that while this may really be a sort of
ladder let down for the high tariff men to
climb down on, just for the present Mr..
Lodge and his resolution will bear watch
ing
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1903-01-21
Senator McCumber's Idea.

Senator McCumber Of North Dakota is
in favor of the creation Of as many states
as possible out Of the remaining terri
tories. At any rate, he would not con-
,solidate them for admission, and he is a
supporter Of the omnibus statehood bill.
He takes his position mainly with an
eye to the future rather than the pres
ent, and with the changed character of
the United States senate as we'll as the
changed character Of the nation in mind.
Mere state representation, in the senate,
the original theory of the senate is no
3 longer Of much consequence. State lines
tional legislation. State patriotism that
placed the state before the nation died
in the civil war. 1t is the territorial d.
vision of the nation made according to
I centers Of industry that now counts in
the senate. Members Of the senate do
not vote as state representatives but as
the representatives Of industrial sections
on all questions likely to affect the tusi-
ness interests of the people. In a nut
shell, it is sectionalzed industries, argues
Mr.. McCunber, not states, that are rep
resented in the senate now. In general,
rough way. these interests may be d.
yided in some respects by an east and
west line across the continent, in others
by such a north and south line as that
Z of the Mississippi river
Two-t thirds of the territorial area of the
4 United States lies swest Of the Mississippi,
and it ought to support as many people
as the other third. At the present rate
of increase of the two sections, the coun-
try west Of the Mississippi would have
shout the same population-1ss,o 900, 600
az that east in forty-six years from now
Even If all the existing continental terri
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1903-01-21

wisconsin and North Dakota have
formed an offensive alliance against Min
nesota. There will be no bloodshed. how
ever. The object Of the alliance is to
Keep M Minnesota inspectors from grading
North Dakota wheat Minnesota seems
to be standing the shock pretty well. After
the alliance is in working order, North
Dakota wheat will continue to come where
1t IS wanted and where it brings the high
est price
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1903-01-21

coal between the United States and Can
ada. The World can hardly contain itself
as it contenlplates the awful possibilities
OF cheaper coal for the people of Ontario
and the subsection Of the Nova Scotia
coal operators to a little competition
While the World shouts: LET us be
true to the n. P. Irrational policy, and
keep these Yankees from selling us cheap
coal,' the Regina, ASA, Standard, owned
by member Of parliament speaks Of a
Montreal delegation on mission to per-
suade the government to commit itself
to a high protective policy as "a monster
deputation on a monstrous mission"
The extreme agitation Of the Toronto
World over. the coal question tends to
show how superficial is apparent Cana
dian Indifference to reciprocity with the
United States. The least practical sug-
sestion,of it must stir up public opinion
in Canada wonderfully if the organ Of
high protection finds it necessary to begin
such campaign against reciprocity in
coal before a single step has been Off
ciaily taken in Canada towards responding
to the American rebate.