Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1903-08-15

Positive, bet comparative, better;
supcrlative, better not-Detroit Free
Press.
How did you enjoy the play last
nightT "Oh, 1t was just divine-I
never cried so much in my lifer
Ted-'Most firms prefer to hire a
married man." Ned-"And most girls
won't marry you unless you have a
job"
Ella-"But surely you are not going
TO marry against your parenta'
wishesT' Flo-"Why not? Did they
marry to please me?'
Willie-"PH, an agriculturist is jist
n man that works a farm, amt itT'
Pa Sometimes my son. he's man
who works city boarders."
She-"Why has Boston the name of
being such n bad city," He-"Be-
cause of the number OF crooks In the
streets, l suppose. Harvard Lam
poon.
Farmer-"See here, boy! What are
you doing up that apple treeY' Kid
Cant yer See nothing? One of yer
apples fell off de tree an I'm tying it
on again.
Faith, Mrs. O'Hara, how dye till
thin twins apart?" Jaw, tits aisy-I
sticks me finger in Dinnis' mouth. an
If he bites l know it's Moike"-Har-
ward l.ampoon.
Margaret, l think you cheaper your
self by going SO much TO the thcater
with Mr.. Jones" "No, mother; on the
contrary I'm making myself very
dear. - Harvard Lampoon.
Doctor-Do | think | can cure your
catarrh? Why, I'm sure of 1t. Pa
tent SO you are very familiar with
the disease? Doctor should say sol
I've had 1t myself all my life.-Judge.
Mrs. Talkyer- Blind can say some of
the most cutting things" Yes. If she
could only keep her mouth closed for
five minutes you could have her arrest
cd for carrying concealed weapons."--
Life.
Mrs. UppmannI must tell you, De-
lia, that | was displeased at your en-
tertaning that policeman In the kiteh-
on last night. Delia--Faith, Oh did AK
him into the parlor, ma'am, but he
wouldn't go.-PhiIadelphla Press.
Bellows Does your daughter play
on the plano? Old Farmer lin tones
of deep disgust)-No, sir. She works
ON IT, pounds on IT, rakes 1t, scrapes
It, jumps ON IT, and rolls over on 1t;
but there's no play about It, sir.-Tit-
Bits.
Mr. Quarlcs Well see old Gold
man is dead and leaves upward OF
three millions. Wouldn't you like TO
be his widowp Mrs. Quares tsweet-
lyl-"NO, dear, nothing could possibly
delight me more than TO he yours -
Public Ledger.
Done in oil: Miss DeAuber tan anna
teur artist lIave you ever been done
in oil, Mr.. MarksT Mir Marks Wen,
| guess yes. Miss DcAuber--And who
was the artist Mr. Marks Artist
nothing! II was a promoter that did
me. Chicago News.
What il that car coupled behind
the Presidential trainf" asked the tail
reporter. THAT is the photograph
car" said the train hand. photograph
carr Yes; II contains the pictures Of
all the big families III the Vest
Chicago Daily News.
What's up, old man? / never saw
you look SO haggard." The S'tcenth
Bank is up; that's what's up. And my
deposits gone up with it," oh /
wouldn't let "A thing like that upset
me" I'm not upset; merely lost my
balance. Philadelphia Press.
"Wel, there Is one thing that can he
said OF Crawfoot. Although be went
fishing himself on the Sabbath he
didn't let his little son fish" II am
glad to hear that. Was the boy ut
Sunday sch0ol2" NO, batting the
hooks. - Chicago Daily News.
Master What. Both want holt
day tomorrow can't spare you both
at once Mary, you can have to-mor-
row, and John the next day" John
Thank you, sir but we wanted to get
married, and I'm afraid, sir it can't
be done that way. but III inquirer
Mother Tommy, what's the matter
with your little brothcr%' Tommy
Hes crying because I'm eating my
cake and won't give Lin any" Moth
or lis his own cake fiuishedT Tom.
my IN, and he cried while | was
catln' that. too. Philadelphia Ledger.
My plea" said the young lawyer,
WHO had Just won his first case, seem
ed to strongly affect the jury" Yes"
replied the Judge, II was afraid Mt
one time that you would succeed in
getting your client convicted in spite
of his Innocence" Chicago Record
Herald.
Poor child: II hear Jack IIandor
was here to see the baby" said Mr..
IIoamley. Yes" his wife replied. II
suppose the first thing he said was:
~ Ig..Lg f,,ot 1{Lro his Fatt,orgs s.Nr..