davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-05-29
SUPPOSE WE SMILE.
HUMOROUS PARAGRAPHS FROM
THE COMIC PAPERS.

Pleasant Incidents Occurring the
World Over-Sayings that Are Cheer
full to Old or Younx-Funny Se1ec-
tions that Everybody Will Enjoy.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-05-29

Boss" said the wanderer, 81 went
through three bttles."
"Shake" exclaimed the man in the
cottage. Il went through three my
self"
you did?''
Eyes, l was married three times"
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-05-29

that Is folly blame the schools for defects of
blood lapses virtue blight Of character which
neither laws policy requires the schools to
combat You must blame the church. you must blame the
offenders, you must blame yourselves when your children
become the victims of ntemperance, vice impiety.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-05-29
IMPROVE THE NEGRO's CONDITION.
BY Ex-President 6rorer Cleveland

It Is foolish for us to blind our eyes
to the fact that more should be done
to improve the condition of our negro
population And it should be entirely
plain to all of us that the sooner this
is undertaken the sooner will serious
duty be discharged and the more surely
will we guard ourselves against future
trouble and danger. If we are to be
lust and fair toward our colored fellow
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-05-29
OuIy Reaaon,

Judge-What are you here for?
Culprit-Dat's easy, judge; it's cause
I can't git away.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-05-29

Rodrick-It seems rather peculiar
that the actors in ACROSS the Desert"
should wear fur-tipped overcoats.
Van Albert-Perhaps they expect a
frost
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-05-29
Di.tance Lends Enchantment

Distance Lends Enchantmeut.
He-Could you learn to love me If l
were a millionaire?
She-I certainly would like you were
you better off-say, thousand miles
or more.-Illustrate Bits.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-05-29
Rubbing 1t In.

Husband-Last night I dreamed
was in heaven. l wonder what that's
sign Of.
Wife-It must be sign that the old
adage about the contrariness of dreams
is true.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-05-29
An Iuaiuuation,

Bess-Young Mifikins is daffy on the
subject of matrimony. He asks every
girl he meets to marry him.
Nell-Well, why dom you get some
one to introduce you?
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-05-29
Very Likely,

Wife Cooking up from paper)-What
was "Hobson's, choice" anyway?
Husband-Mrs. Hobson, l suppose.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-05-29
Had to Show Her.

Jones-I tried to convince my wife
that I couldn't afford to buy her a new
bonnet for Easter.
Brown-Did you succeed?
Jones-No; she insisted ON having
the argument brought home to her.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-05-29
Peculiar Yerdicts.

In the Kansas District Court, recent
ly. a jury returned a verdict finding q
certain accused person guilty of lar
ceny. The verdict had not been pre-
pared In the technical form desired,
and the judge sent the jury back to
make the necessary corrections. The
jury was gone for half an hour, and
when 1t returned 1t brought in ver-
dict acquitting the prisoner! But a
verdict even more amusing was perpe-
trated by jury at Pittsburg the other
day. The case was a criminal one,
and after few minutes consultation,
the jury filed into the box from Its
room.
"Have you agreed upon a verdict ~
asked the judge.
1--WE have" responded the foreman,
passing it over.
"The clerk will read" said the Judge.
And the clerk read:
I'VE. your jury, agree to disagreev'
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-05-29

Strong Resent b1ance Not Needed.
Percy-Miss Sweetly, do you think
you could be happy with a man like
me?
Miss Sweetly-Well, perhaps, IL he
wasn't too much like you!-Comic
Cuts.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-05-29
Not So Bad as That.

"It was too bad to keep you waiting
so long for your change" said the
smiling shop girl, as she counted it
out. 81 am afraid l have given you a
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-05-29
An Optimist.

Hes an optimist."
"Indeed?'
"Yes; he thinks he gets handsomer
as he grows older."-Detroit Free
Press.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-05-29
Not Yet a I,ost Art.

Not Yet a Lost Art.
Madam, caught your husband max
ing love to my wife,
"Oh, lovely! Then he hasn't forgotten
how."-Life.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-05-29
Device for Saving Time.

Mistress Norah, when you set
the table you placed the knives on the
left side. where you should have placed
the forks.
Norah-Indade, ma am, an thot's ais
lily fixed. Oi'll turrun the table around.
New York Herald.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-05-29

II girl wants to get rid Of an unde-
sirable suitor all she has to do Is to
appear on the stage Of action with her
hair done up In curl papers,
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-05-29
One of Them

One of Them..
Laffan-Who is that pretty girl over
there by the bay window? Isn't she
poem?
Grofat-She is. She's poem you
ought to know. Come along, and III
Introduce you.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-05-29

in alarm.
of an hour"
"Oh!' he said, considerably relieved.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-05-29

"What!" exclaimed Mr.. Tyte-Phist,
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1903-01-29
Baltimore Markets.

BALTIMORE Nd, January 29-FIour dull,
changed: receipts. 7.165 barrels exports, 500 bar
rels. Wheat dull; spot and January. S0haS0ts;
February, sohas0E; May. s1Xase; steamer No. 2
red. 7bla76; receipts, 19,s4l bushels; exports.
none: southern by sample, 72aS0k; southern on
grade. 761sasOh. Corn firm: spot and January.
54Na54A; February, 53Aa53E; March. elHab1s+ !;
steamer mixed. 53kab33s; receipts, l28.667 bush
els; exports, none; southern white and yellow
corn, 50Aa55. Oats dull and easy No. white
~; No. mixed 40a4Oh; receipts, 1,497 bushels;
exports. none: rye steady; No. 2 56a56is; No.
western. 57a57ls: receipts. s42 bnshels; exports
none.- Hay quiet and steady, unchanged. Grain
freishts quiet and steady; Butter steady. nm
changed; fancy imitation. 22a2s; fancy creamery;
roll, l7ai9: store packed, 16s18- Eyes steady and
lower; fresh, 22a23. Cheese steady, unchanged;
Sugar nrm. unchanged; fne and coarse graduated,
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1903-01-29
RED CROSS DIFFERENCES,
A Memorial Presented to Congress by
So" Gen. John M. Wilson.

Gen John NJ, Wilson, vice president of
the National Red Cross, presented to Con-
gress today "a memorial regarding that
organization, especially with reference to
certain differences which have arisen in
regard to the management of tseaffairs.
Included in the papers submitted with the
memorial is letter from Secretary Cortel-
you, addressed to Miss Clara Barton, presi-
dent of the Red Cross. In which he says
that according TO a copy of the bylaws
submitted by the association the President
and his cabinet are constituted~a board of
consultation of the American Red Cross.
Mr.. CortelyOu says 1t Is impossible for
the President and cabinet to serve in such
capacity and asks that public announcement
be made of that fact.
COMPLAINT is made in a memorial sent to
President Roosevelt of the manner In which
the organization is placed in the hands of
one person and of the management of the
finances of the association. These matters
are referred to in the letter OF Mr.. Cortel-
you.
spondence relative to the call Of the meet
ing, correspondence with President Roose-
welt and Miss Barton and q general state
ment in criticism Of the new bylaws
adopted.
The communication is signed by Gen.
John NJ Wilson, as first vice president OF
the organization from December IL, 1901,
to December 8. 1902, and also by the fol-
lowing members of the executive commit
tee during the same period: Mabel T..
Boardman, ]. Ellen Foster, Bessie J. Kib-
hey. Sarah A. Spencer. A. c. Kaufman. w.
John W. Foster, Hilary A. Herbert. Thomas
F. Walsh. Nero L. Tanner, Henrietta NJ
Rose Amy L. Wolf, Anna Roosevelt
Cowles and Ellen Spencer Mussey.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1903-01-29
HANLoN'S SALE RATIFIED.
Etatments That Baltimore VIII Have
Team Next Year.

BALTIMORE. January 20.-Judge Harlan
today ratified the sale to Edward Hanlon
OF the American League Base Ball Park.
The consideration $1,000. In an inter-
view today Mr.. Hanlon said that the rati-
fcation means that Baltimore will have a
base ball team next year. but declined to
say whether the National American or
Eastern League would be represented here.
NEW YORK. January 29.-The Eastern
League base ball officials resumed their
sessions today and 1t was said decision
would be reached as to Baltimore, indepen-
dent OF what the courts may do in the case
of Hanlon and Goldman. rival bidders for
the Baltimore grounds. 1t was intima ted
that Goldman would get the franchise
President Powers said: There Is virtual
ly no agreement between members OF the
Eastern League for the signatures of club
members of the organization. and we pro-
pose to put through a ten-year agreement
The necessity of this was shown when the
American people went after Buffalo and
Providence"
Mr.. Powers said he was anxious to have
the two big leagues join with the Eastern
In a national agreement because the base
ball bidding war" was becoming expe1-
sive-
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1903-01-29
Washington Stock Exchange.

saies.Regular call II O'Clock noon-U. s. Coupon
Pref, 90 st 49, Washington Gas. loo at 81. 20 at
% at 10 at is% 10 at is 10 at 1s7
L lsa ACnotype at ia American GRAPHIC
Traction. at i2sN Union Trust and Storage Goa
!. at loo a c0pSs1 at r.
and Trust Co.. 10 at 21s. Mergenthaler Linotype
80 at - 1873 buyer sO,. 10 at 1915 10 at 1s7N, 10
,d Ra Tread Traction s. ios bid
MetropOIitan Cert. Indebt.. 4, lo7 bid. 100 asked
Metropolitan Cert Indebt, B. 1851 bid, 1o7 asked
S. io BID City and Suburban s IS bid
Anaeostia and Potomac So. SO bid d., The Washing
MISCELLANEOUS Observation-Disclosures Gas CO. ss. A se
ries A. III bid, 116 asked Washington Gas Co: 6s,
&C. BID asked q Eeets sst ss
Indebt es' 1854 r., bid L., Chesapeake and Potomac
Market Co. ist g. 1os bid Masonic MaI1 Assoc"
citation IS, 1o4. bid. American Graphophone Deb
Safe Deposit and Trust stocks-National Safe De-
Posit and Trust. Lag bid lSo asked. washington
and asked
10 bid, lloA asked. Washington Savings Bank,
railroad Stocks-Capital Traction Co.. 1914 bid,
i2sA ASKED led, The Washington Railway and Eee-
ton Railway and Electric Co. Com, 10 bid. II
National Bank stocks-Bank' Of Washington. 400
bid. 40 asked. Metropolitan, 700 bid, $50 asked.
Central 300 bid. Farmers and Mechanics 300 bid.
second lsO bid Citizens. .Isl bid. Columbia. 1874
bid Capital 1855 bid; West End. 40 bid. Iso
asked. Traders, 145 bid. Lincoln, 120 bid, 129
asked. Riggs, 100 bid, ITO asked.
Insurance Stocks-Firemen's. % bid. En- asked.
Franklin. SO bid, SO asked. Metropolitan, Is bid
90 asked Corcoran r. bid Potomac o. bid
$50 bid. 3G5 asked. National Union. TX bid. 8
asked. Columbia. IL bid. II asked. Riggs, 81 bid,
Q asked. Peoples 6h bid, asked Commercial.
'5N bid Colonial. 1854 bid, l06 asked.
Title Insurance Stocks-Real Estate Title, 90h
bid, 9S asked Columbia Title, ~ bid asked.
Washington Title, IN bid. 2A asked
Telephone aud GraphOphone StOcks-Chesapeake
and Potomac Telephone. an bid. so asked. Ameri-
can Graphophone Com, * bid. ~ asked Ameri-
Gas Stocks-WashingtonG Gas, 'S2A bid. S2X ask
ed. Georgetown Gas, 10 bid.
Type Machine St0cks-Mergenthaler Linotype.
187% bid. 1S7H asked. Lanston Monotype, liz
bid, IL asked
= miscellaneous Stocks-Greene Con. Copper Co.,
.22h bid, 22h asked Warrington Market 16h
bid, . asked. Norfolk and Washington Steam
boat. .2lo bid. 225 asked ]. Maury Dove Co.. no
bid.
SEX dividend
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1903-01-29
GRANT STREET IMPROVEMENTS.
Commissioners Feel Lowell Stree
Should Have Preference.

Should Have Preference.
Engineer Commissioner Biddle has for
warded to his associates the draft OF q
report to be made to, Senator Gallinger OF
the House District committee, upon the
amendment intended to be proposed by
him to the pending District appropriation
BILL setting aside $4,000 for the grading
and macadamizing Of Grant street, be-
tween 18th andal9th streets.
According to estimates made by District
officials, the cost Of grading Grant street
between the limits named would be $4,000;
the cost Of ma cadamizing Is estimated at a
little less than s., 600 The large amount
necessary to grade Grant street and the
other streets in this subdivision has led to
proposed changes,ln the location of streets
in the vicinHy from what had been recon-
mended in the highway extension plans.
These changes have been approved by the
interested And TIE amendment to author
lie them has been approved by the Com
missioners TOR insertion in the pending ap-
preparation = bill. II this amendment be-
comes law the cost of the grading, as at
present estimated, will be materially re-
duced. -:+i1 ~ ser ~ ,.- ..s..
There Is an item in the estimates Of the
Commissioners fosigrading and macadamiz-
ing Lowell street between 18th street and
the Klingle Ford troad, $1,000. This street
Is Immediately north Of Grant street and
forms a through connection from Mount
Pleasant to Rock Greek Park.
Its Improvement. therefore, the Commits
sicners feel, would he of more general
benefit to- the public than the Improvement
of Grant street, and it should. in their
n.issioners say It is PROBABLE. however,
that if Grant street IS opened houses will
soon be built there as that part of the
District is becoming rapidly built up.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1903-01-29
COAL FAMINE ABOUT OVER.
Railroads Said to Be Trying to Pre-
vent Extortion nv Dea1aFs:-=-..=.-5

PHILADELPHIA. January. 29.-The Phil
adelphia and Reading Coal and Iron Com
pany had all but one of it's active coieries
in operation yesterday, and today the full
quota of thirty-two colieries is being work.
ed. The output averages from 300 to 1,4OO
cars daily. -t~Fs2
General Manager Henderson of the coal
company is beginning to take an optimistic
view of the situation, and predicts that a
break from the present high prices asked
by the Independent operators is bound to
come very soon. .--s-
1t Is stated on good authority that the
railroads are doing all In their power to
accomplish that-object. They are said to
be determined to break up the speculative
feature of the anthracite business, or the
holding of coal in transit by Independent
shippers, with the possible view Of keeping
up the high prices. 1t Is now almost a
daily occurrence for the railroads to place
an embargo on some shipper who has kept
loaded cars upon the tracks beyond a rea-
sonable time after reaching distributing
points; and whenever such case arises the
offending shipper is denied cars until the
coal already in cars has been unloaded.
This action not only insures prompt unload
ing of cars, but the distribution Of more
coal to the trade, which, together with the
increased output Of the big mining compa-
niles and the mild weather is beginning to
have an effect upon high prices.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1903-01-29
]. P. MORGAN IN TOWN
ATTENDING MEETING OF PEA
BODY fnND TRUSTEES.
Chief Justice Fuller Head Committee
Appointed & Confer With Gem
efaat educational Board.

The board of trustees of the Peabody edu-
catfonal fund held a special meeting at the
Arlington Hotelstoday to discuss educa-
tional methods imthe south.
The maianobjece was the formulation OF q
plan by which duplication could be avoided
in the work Of the Peabody board Of trus-
tees and of the general executive board. the
latter body being an institution formed q
year ago for work along this line In a more
extensive way than the other board.
The following members of the board were
present: Samuel A. Greene, Massachusetts,:
James D.. Porter. Tennessee: j.. Pierpont
Morgan, New York; William A. Courtenay.
south Carolina; Chief Justice Melville w.
Fuller. United. States Supreme Court: Hen
oerson~ M. Sommervflle, Alabama; Charles
f. Fenner,. louisiana: Daniel c. Gilman.
former president Of Johns Hopkins Univer-
aty George Peabody Wetmore, Rhode Is
land: Senator George F.. Hoar. Massachu-
sets Richard .Dlney, Massachusetts,: Hoke
smith, Georgia. and Rt. Rev. William G.
Doane Of New York. The absentees Of the
Doard are President Roosevelt, Ambassador
Choate. Morris K. Jesup Of New York.
Committee Appointed.
At the last annual meeting of the board
committee was sappointed to consider and
report on the needs and opportunities Of
the Peabody Normal College and to recon-
mend what should be done to increase its
efficiency and to make and continue 1t as
a mt memorial to Mr.. Peabody and as a
great teachers training college for the
southern states 500
This COMMITTEES, made its report in execu-
tive session today
A committee, consisting of Chief Justice
Fuller and Messrs. Morgan. Olney, Som
merville, Wetmore and Courtenay, was ap-
pointed to confer with the general educa-
tion board With the view of ascertaining
and If possible agreeing upon feasible and
adequate methods of cooperation. includ-
ing especially the building of the Peabody
Normal College, This committee also sub
mitted its report today.
The board held two sessions today. and
expected to conclude its <labors late this
afternoon. The reports were not made pub
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1903-01-29
THE COAL OUTLOOK.
Belief Expressed That the Situation
Will Quickly Improve.

VAL 0s~As~AAy AAAAfAovVs
The outlook in the local coal situation is
steadily growing brighter. and Judging
from reports. the residents Of the District
need not feeGappfehensive as to the future.
Various ruIpors are afioat on the coal mar
ket, the --latest being to the effect that the
anthracite ir6ducsIhas decreased 81 in price
at the Pen4sylyatia mines. This is con-
frmed by several dealers. but 1t is sug-
gested thatahe, eeal quoted at that figure
has as yet not reached Washington.
Large conSignments Of both the hard and
soft product eontfnued to roll into the city
and the matter Of finding room to side
track the cars hiss become q problem In
the last twenty-four hours thirty cars OF
anthracite reached-the city over the Penn
sylvania railroad from Pennsylvania, and
the chesapeake and Ohio railroad brought
about twenty cafs from the New river
region, oHSlals ff the Pennsylvania ran
road are optimistic. and regard the present
situation as encouraging.
Those directly concerned in the freight
traffic of the Baltimore and Ohio railroad
are equally As sahxmne regarding the con-
ditions It was stated that the receipts over
that railroad today were as large as usual
Coal shipped to the city by independent
mines is quoted at $40 per ton at some
yards Several OF the dealers are selling
anthracite as low as 50 ton and bituml-
nous at 81.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1903-01-29
HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES.

When the House met today 1t was agreed
that at tomorrow's session bills from the
committee on claims should be considered
and that recognitions should be accorded
to members alternately on each side of the
political aisle to call up bills on the CAL
endar.
A resolution was adopted to admit the
members of the Maryland statuary COM
mittee to the floor of the House Saturday
during the ceremonies incident to the ae-
ceptance from the state of Maryland of the
statues of Charles Carroll Of Carrollton and
John Hanson
The House then resumed consideration Of
the Indian appropriation bill.
An amendment was adopted on motion Of
Mr.. Williams Miss to appropriate $780,
900 to aid INDECENT full-blooded Choctaws Of
Mississippi to move to Indian territory.
Mr. Lacey Qowa) offered an amendment
to authorize fifty children Of native Porto
Ricans to be admitted to the Carlisle In
dian School
The appropriation for the support of the
Riggs Institute at Flandreau, 8. D., was
increased to $7S4O0.
The appropriation for the Indian School
At Hayward. Wis. was increased from $24.-
115 TO $41, 525.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1903-01-29
NO IMMEDIATE DANGER.
Report on the Engraving Bureaus
Great Smokestack.

A committee appointed by Assistant Sec
rotary Allies has reported that there is no
immediate danger from the giant smoke
stack of the bureau of engraving and print
ing. about which there was some alarm
recently because of the widening of cracks
that had been noticeable in the big Chin
ney for a good while.
1t has been decided. however. that the
chimney must be repaired. and the super
vising architects office has recommended
that the smokestack be strengthened by
girding with immense iron bands. 1t Is de-
clared that these will make the chimney
a. good as new. Proposals for placing these
iron bands around the chimney will be
asked shortly. and the work will be done as
speeduy as possible.