The Savannah morning news., 1903-11-22

IF you had ever carved a turkey
before you would know better than
to slash away as if you had a razor
in your hand. You want to cut around
the leg and bend it up to slip the
bone out of it's socket"
mot if 1 am a man instead of a
wolf" he holly replied. You bend
the leg down-always down."
You never do"
You always do
"Will you please remember that I
an the head of this house."
"One of the heads only"
Then followed a lull, during which
the husband planned a campaign and
set about carrying out the details.
When he came to look more closely
at the body before him on the big
platter, he conceived the idea that
Nature designed the legs to help Il
man out of a Thanksgiving fix. Taken
one in each hand, and sufficient mus
cular exertion used, the bird ought TO
rip open like a ripe squash. Such
ieat would save half the carving.
You mustn't-you cant-you shan't!"
cried the wife, as she fathomed his
intentions.
Madam, stand back"
II won't do it. You might as we'll
call in two dogs and let them"
But he grasped the legs and pulled
and yanked and wrenched until he
even moved the table about.
1t was no go. The bird declined
to give way to any such treatment.
When failure was realized, the hus-
band picked up knife and fork again
to work upon another new idea. He
would construct a subway 20 tap the
interior and make it yield up it's stuff
fling. He began cutting a hole in the
side. but had not drifted in very far
xVhn ha Hxyif tcra har
tears;
That's simply butchery. If my
father had known what sort of man
you were he'd never have given his"
And 1 wished he hadn't" snapped
George, as he flourished the knife and
fork in the air.
do you say that to me, George
Pearson? I go back to my mother
tomorrow. I have found out at last
what villain you are, and"
And it makes me tired. If you
had let me alone in the first place i
should have had the carving all done
by now"
You have never carved-you will
never know enough to carve, and l
can put on my things and go over to
my sisters tonight. When I am gone
you can cut and thrust, pull and haul,
twist and wriggle, and when you get
ready you may eat your Thanksgiving
dinner alone"
"A dinner which would have been
a little love-feast but for your fool
ish and unwifely interference"
THANK you, sir-thank you"
AS she left the room to don her
outdoor garments he resumed work
He twisted the birds legs down and
his wings up, and then reversed the
motion, but nothing gave way. Then
he resumed his tunneling operations,
but struck such natural distractions
that he had to abandon the work
again and look around for the axe.
There was no axe, no hand-saw, no
crowbar. In furnishing his house he
had forgotten that these things might
be in demand on Thanksgiving Day.
By and by, however, by faithful
work, aided by lucky accident, he dis
lodged a bit of meat and paused to
taste it. 1t was turkey on the raw.
Then he persevered until he succeed
ed in bringing to light a spoonful OF
stuffing. 1t was stuffiing a la paste.
Mothers oldfashioned cooking" had
been outdone.
Ten minutes later, when the young
wife re-entered the room, clothed for
the street, but feeling that she was
only making a bluff of it; she was
surprised to find her husband smok-
ing and smiling.
Come and kiss me, pet" he said
in his old loving tones.
but where-where?" she asked, as
she looked at the table.
Where is the turkey? Oh. the poor
bird won't bother us any more.
dropped it out of the window just in
time to hit passing alderman on the
head"
But, George, 1 don't understand.
well, then, my dear, 1 got caught
with the Oldest gobbler in town. You
knew no more about baking him than
a child, and neither of us knows enough
to carve boiled turnip. Take on
your things, pet, and We'll eat up the
cold potatoes and the cranberry sauce
and be thankful that Thanksgiving
has done so we'll for us that we are
able to feast the street with roast
turkey"