Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1903-01-24

WISE UNCLE BOB.

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"Who is Uncle Bob Peterson?"
"Who is Uncle Bob?' win be the return.
why, he's a preacher"
"A preacher Where does be preach?7
"Oh, he don't preach none. He catches
fish,
is that the way he makes a liyingg"
tfNo; be don't make no livin'. But he
hunts squeer1s."
what does be aunt squirrels and catch
fish for if be doesn't make a living by it,"
Just for $3.50. He don't got to make no
livin'. His daughters teach school. and he
owns a right smart Of yon mountain.
There's coal on yon mountin.
"And he sells the coal?'
"Never heern tell OF his sellin' no coal.
He catches fish an hunts squeer'ls. Use
to preach, but be don't preach no mo.
Right peart old man, Uncle Bob Peter
son is. You amt kim acrost him YETI"
mo, not yet"
swell, il you do kim aerost him you al
low to watch out keen. He's a mighty peart
old man, Uncle Bob"
All Of which warning is calculated to
arouse in the breast Of the stranger in
Boone county a compelling curiosity. So
far as the writer knows Uncle Boh's i'm
pressive reputation as a source Of peril
to strangers rests mainly on an eneoun-
ter which be recently had with a party
Of visitors who came over to Dan Elkin's
place on Coal river to hunt wild turkey.
In various ways the visitors-there were
three Of them-contrived to make them
selves unpopular. They drank a great
deal Of whisky-in itself no cause for dis
approval-but they drank it alone. They
wore very fancy clothes, they talked more
obstreperously than Boone county etiquette
approves, and they even found fault with
Dan Elkin's food, which is several degrees
above par. After a time they set off up
the river to camp.
One morning as they sat around their
fire they perceived, moving along the OPP
posite bank an old man with a seraggly
beard and a general effect of having been
pieced together from some anatomical rag
bag. He sat on an empty sack. The sack
hung over a mule, who also appeared to be
empty.
eHey, old boy!" one of the campers
hailed him.
"Mawning, gentlemen" said the old man,
politely.
What's that you're riding, a razor
back hog?"
mo, that amt no hawg, gentlemen.
That's a mule"
HE looks about as old as you do" put
IN another.
I'm right old" observed the newcomer,
gravely. "Seventy-seven, almost"
you must have seen a lot of life" said
the first speaker, winking at his compan-
ions.
$50, i have; SOL have"
Come over and tell us about it."
The old man forded the stream and dis
mounted.
my names Peterson" he said, courte-
eusly. "Unele Bob Peterson, they call me"
well, Uncle Bob, we've got some names,
but you wouldn't know 'em if we told you"
'tFrom the city" asked Uncle Bob.
From a city you never saw and prob
ably never heard Of"
Likely as not" sighed Uncle Bob. 1T
must be right peart Twin in the city"
Sure. They have houses that would
make these mountains Hook like ant hills.
They filed him full of the wonders of
the city and he took it in, apparently, open
mouthed. Then, encouraged by his inno-
cenee, they began to guy him abont his
decrepitude. They guessed that he must
nave some one to support him, or else that
he lived on berries and nuts that CHANGED
to fall into his mouth. In their opinion,
he and the mule wouldn't be able TO hustle
a living for themselves.
"It's true mourned Uncle Bob, still po-
htely. Il amt as peart as | was. Thirty
year ago | reckon | could hold my end up
with any of you gentlemen"
"Why, you must have been the oldest in
habitant 80 years ago." they jeered.
mo; | want that. But now, could any
Of you gentlemen jump up in the air an
knock your heels together three times?"
They tried it, one after the other. The
spirit of emulation seized them, and they
rose from mother earth, singly, and all
three at once. Two knocks OF the heels
was the best they could achieve. Uncle
Bob watched them critically.
Like a lot o pheasants in the crazy sea-
son" he commented.
81 suppose you're going to tell us you
could do it" painted one of the trio, drop
ping to the ground.
80 / could 80 years ago"
Easy enough said. Lets see you try it
now"
Right smart lot of work for a man n
year old. Whatn you give me if do?"
Two dollars"
"No, thank you. | don't take money.
wen bet you the two against your
mule"
'I'm a preacher. don't bet"
Chen" said one Of them, maybe you
eat. III put up this ham, you can't DO it."
And I'll chuck in three loaves Of bread"
white bread?" cried Uncle Bob, eagerly.
white bread. And a pound of lea to
back it,"
"An' I'm to jump up and hit my heels
together in the air three times
CHATS it, old boy"
"Put out the stuff
They set it out in a heap. Uncle Bob
kicked out first one leg and then the other,
proaning something about ''ornery
rheumaticks." Then he tapped his arms
! like a rooster, leaped in the air and cracked
his heels sharply together a single time
That's once" he observed.
Again he scared, and Joined heels.
That's twice" said he.
For the third time the performance was
repeated. The trio sat silence-strieken