The semi-weekly messenger. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1897-1908, 1903-09-18
CAUSED BY DEPEW JOKES.
David GaIIas Used the Senator's
Bon Mots With Disastrous Results.

terday from Washington, where he had
been the guest of Uncle Sam for some
eight or nine months. He had apart
ments at the government hospital for
the insane, although there were no alien
fgnent in his dome of thought-he
says so himself.
Il vas d mere joke, an innocent little
bon not, that got Gallas into the in
sane asylum. He once heard senator
Chauncey NJ. Depew make a speech that
was just bubbling yer with bright lit
tie things such as he is wont to eXude
after a dinner with trimmings, and
these mirth provoking jokes were fresh
in h memory of Gallas.
When he was making "moonshlne
whiskey up in Harlem he used to enter
tain his employees with his DepeW Jokes
and he thinks he would have peen safe
from the revenue officers for years to
come if he HAD not caused such thun-
derous rolls of laughter with the mo
cen little bon mOtS. He is not sure
about this. however, for one day two of
his "moonshine" experts hOisted him out
into the street when he got off n OF
these Jokes and an hour later he was in
the hands of two secret service men,
- WERE THEY CHESTNUTS?"
Gallas eventually found himself an in
mate Of the Kings county pe~nitentiary.
where he was sent for a year to do pen
ance for the making of the "moonshine'
About three months after being sent
there his health became so impaired
thai it was necessary to send him to the
hospital ward. In that way he struck
I'D am acquaintance with the prison
physician, and before many days felt
that they were on terms intimate
enough to warrant him in springing one
or two of Senator DepeW's jokes just
to make the good doctor feel at home.
He did crack one, but didn't get the
results he had 50 fondly anticipated.
The doctor glared at him in blank
establishment for a full minute. then
took him by the scalp lock, pushed his
head far back and pulled his eyes so
wide open that they popped out and,
as Gallas says, they could have been
shared with a two-inch rope. Then the
doctor felt his pulse n made him run
his tongue out so he could see the full
length Of it. With a mounrful shake of
his head the surgeon murmured:
"Crazy-mad as a hater."
That mouldy old joke with which De-
pew had Once set the table in a roar did
it. A few minutes later the doctor re-
turned with a nice little leather case in
his hands. Out of this he took a bottle
filled with big round pills. He jabbed
three of these into Gallas's reluctant
mouth and made him swallow them,
and then for several weeks he kept up
this daily ose of anti-joke pills
But one luckless day the "moonshin-
err sprung another of his jokes on the
man of pills, n that was his final un-
doing. The doctor fled as if from a pes-
thence and in two minutes was back at
his cell with two prison keepers. Be
fore Gallas knew what was up he was
clapped into a strait jacket. Feeling
that he had already suffered the very
worst, and desiring to max the doctor
and keepers feel perfectly at home lie
let go another of his stock Of jokes. The
keepers turned the hose on him.
And NOW let Gallas tell what happen
ed after that.
THE next day the same two keep
eErs came to my cell and, giving me a
fine new suit of clothes. told me to
put them on. They told me / was as
crazy as a bedbug and that I had to
go to Washington / knew we'll enough
that l was no more crazy than they
were. but L also knew that l was sup
posed to be crazy.
MORE JOKES. THEN HANDOUTS.
"When we got outside of the prison
Bate there stood a carriage and two
United States marshals. They said 1
was to take a ride with them. There
were plenty of trolley cars running
right along there, and we could have
ridden down to the bridge for five cents
leach, and so 1 said to myself that the
tive marshals were crazier than l.
Well, on the way down to Wash
ington We lac a jolly good time. and
when l got to know the two marshals
we'll enough l told them some of my
jokes. AT that they h~andcuffed me TO
one of the seats and went into an
other car. 1 never knew why they did
that.
When we got to the hospital at
Washington the doctor put me on what
he called the Sick-call list. and COM
menced to give me pills by the dozen.
L told him he could never cure me, for
there was nothing about my head to
cure. He said that for me a new sci
of brains was about the only cure. ]
laughed at him and told him a good
joke. Five minutes later / vas in a
strait jacket, but for the life OF me ]
lever could understand why.
Every time 1 opened by mouth tC
say anything some one would say. de
lusiOn' or Illusion and SCI for the
Fill doctor. l liked to crack jokes. bur
taey did not seem to appreciate then
81 all.
But l didn't lose any Of my time
IN the aSylum-a sure enough eur
without resorting to pills. l say I car
cure n case of insanity where tn,
PATIENT hasn't been shot.
Gallas is now at his home. No. II.
East Ni~nety-ninth street. trying Il
brget Chauncey's jUkes.-New YOrl
World.
Increased Expectancy of Life.