Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1903-06-08
@SlgE SUM-


She-Jack wants a quiet wedding.
Her Chum-Well. let him have it. It's
the last quiet day he'll ever have
New York Journal
Anxious Mother-Tell me, doctor, is
1t a dangerous case? Physician-I
fear 1t is. He has breakfastfooditis in
in an advanced stage-Judge.
Miss tayler-Everybody says l
don't look my age. Miss Pertleigh-
OF course you don't. dear. 1t would
be impossible.-Bo Transcript.
"And so Professor Gustavus has at
last discovered the missing link!
Where did he find it," Under the bu-
reau, l understand" Baltimore News.
Father-Are you and this Mr.. Simp-
son congenial. daughter? Daughter
Oh, yes, pa; he likes to hear me talk
about myself, and l like to hear him
talk about himself.
Miss Whyley-I wonder if that Jones
woman is married or single. Miss No
tise oh, she Is married. for two Eas-
tiers she has had the same hat.-Wom-
ans Home Companion.
Employer-Yes. l advertised for a
strong boy. Think you will fill the
bill? Applicant-Well. l just finished
lickin' nineteen other applicants out
in de hall.-St. Louis Star
Point of View-"See here, young
hn az
paid me that fee for marrying you"
You're mighty lucky | haven't sued
you for damages. Tit Bits.
Judge-You deny persistently that
you committed the act, and yet the
description fits you exactly; a beauti
full face, youthful appearance, pretty
little foot. Woman Observation-Disclosures.
confess all.
Ernie-Why are you crying, dear?
Edith--He just said was all the
world to him. Ernie-But that is very
affectionate. Edith-Yes, but a year
ago he said was all the universe to
him.-Philadelphia Record.
Quite Unlike: "Why. George. what
an enormous pile Of lelters!' exclaimed
suppose" NO my dear" replied the
other half of the sketch; they are bill
lies overdue. '-Chicago News.
a Query: He-Iere's puzzle for
you. She-Let's have it. He-Give a
woman bunch of photographs to ex-
anime, including one of her own,
which one will she look at the longest,
and why?-Philadelph Ledger.
Kitty-You didn't look a bit pleased
when Fred told you you were the best
girl in all the world. Esther-TIad
shown how pleased l was, it would
have so tickled his vanity that he'd
be saying the same thing to every girl
he met.
Tenant (angrly)-The cellar of our
house is full of rats. What are you
going to do about it? Landlord tcalm-
ly)-Nothing. What do you expect for
seventeen dollars II month. anyway-a
cellar full of white mice?-Chicago
Daily News.
His Miscue: 81 would be happy if |
might Just sit and look at you al
day he said. "That's nothing" she
replied; 81 know people who would be
glad if they might just sit around and
stare AT nothing all day. '-Chcago
Record Herald.
Positively Brutal: She-.Iust see
how much your little wife loves you.
She made this cake for you all by her
self. Ue-Yes. darling. and now if
you will eat it all by yourself | shall
possess ndisputable proof of your de-
News.
Young Lady Customer don't know
just what | want. Can't you suggest
Clerk-l1ere's a book l
think it might please you. 1t starts
lut with the scene laid in England
and Customer-Oh. don't care
how it starts. How does it end?-
Kansas City Journal.
yes" said the man from Georgia.
reminiscently, IL remember the time
when slaves were worth three thou
sand dollars head" "Oh, that's moth
Ing" sneered the New York sexton:
what do you suppose the slaves of
fashion in my church We're worth per
head on Easter?"-Judge.
Appreciated: There was very small
audience present, and it was rapidly
winding away. On the stage. the
hero and heroine are holding a rem
lezvous. Hero ito heroine)-Are we
alone? Heroine thinking of the audi
yet. There are two fellows
near the door who look as if they
might be able to sit through another
ct.-Illustrated Bits.
Rural Sport: YES" remarked the
citizen of Sandy Lane. "our parson
claims that these here racing automo-
oiles are keeping some of his flock
away from meeting" You don't mean
o say any one OWNS racing automo-
pile around here?" asked the drummer.
II surprise. no, they don't own
hem, but they sit on the fence all day
Sunday and throw stones ut those that
Dass."-Chicago Daily News.
Some one tells lis of a dude in a |
,nr,n SoAiI,r x.t1ntr !