Northern Wisconsin advertiser. [volume] (Wabeno, Wis.) 1898-1925, 1903-02-05

tive terms: to the effete European ma
lions belong comparatives; but
Brother Jonathan knows nothing but
superlatives, fer the reasons we are
going to suggest.
In the first place he is always in a
hurry. He lives at motor-car speed.
He gets through twice as much in a
day as an Englishman accomplishes in
a week. 1t is a constant trial to the
American over here to find how leis-
urely and deliberate the Englishman
can be, while the Americans mental
energy, ebullition and promptitude OF
decision are equally irritating and in
comprehensive to the Englishman.
Europeans are prone to think that
Sister Jonathan is of more Importance
than Brother Jonathan; and it may be
that the American man reaches his
truest expression in the American wo-
man. and to watch an American wo-
man newly come over, endeavoring to
put things through at an English shop,
is an amusing and, instructive expert
ence. She wants something done just
right away now while she waits, and she
doesn't mean to wait very long for it
either Let us suppose it is the col
lar of a mantle she has bought that
doesn't quite fit, or bodice that has
been sent home minus its proper num-
Der of hooks. She knows that above
the showroons are workrooms filed
with workers, and she cannot under
stand why the elegant but inert young
lady who attends on her and sees
what is amiss should not go straight
upstairs with the faulty garment and
have it put right.
But to take so simple course would
be completely at variance with the
ideas of the English tradesman. In
such supposed case the procedure is
as follows: The customer is invited
to resume the garment, which the
shop begs to be allowed the privilege
of sending for next morning. Name,
address and all particulars are elabo-
rately entered in a book, and as much
time is lost over this as would have
suficed to sew one hook at least. The
order to call for the cloak passes
through many hands, and finally a
cart. horse and two men are got ready
and go forth to seek it.
Twenty-four hours or more elapse
between the customers visit to the
shop and the arrival of the cloak in
the workroom, but once there it is
merely laid aside, with many other
Jobs. for an indefinite time, because
Sc CHI
permit work to be done at once lest it
should appear that there was not very
much work to do Probably the best
part Of week will elapse before the
two men. the horse and the cart are
again gotten out 10 take the cloak
home.
Now the American woman, being the
spoiled child of the "slickest'' race on
earth. does not appreciate this fine
flower of British dilatoriness, and she
is apt to express herself on the sub
iect to the shop assistants and others
in language more pointed than fiatter-
ling.
The other night l heard an Ameri-
can woman, waiting outside theater
for cab which didn't come, inveigh
in pungent terms against the want OF
chivalry of the entire British race
which could thus neglect woman's
wants, for she simply couldn't grasp
the idea that it was here helplessness,
mere inaptitude on the part of the cab
seeker. She knew that. had it been
her own business TO go out into the
streets to find a vehicle, she would
have gotten one somehow.
Nine Englishmen out of every ten
let themselves be outpaeed. Brother
-Jenathan never does. He sees him
SELF as the smartest, cutetst, most 60
anead and therefore the most de-
serEedly successful of the denizens of
the earth, and it is for these reasons
that he expresses himself always. in
superlatives..
Besides does he not live in the big
gest country. with the highest noun
Rains and the greatest and most
natural features in the
khole world? Are not his houses the
tallest. his railroads the longest and
his.roses the. slaikiest ever seen?
One Of the worst quarters OF an
hour which an American girl lives
through on first coming to Europe is
when some European admirer presents
her with a bouquet. The shortness
of the rose stems seems to her OF the
nature of a personal insult. and she
forms forthwith the most unfiatterlng
picture Of the generosity Of the giFer
For over in Gods country no self
respecting man would dream OF pre-
senting roses to a girl with stalks less
than a yard long
Brother Jonathan's less-favored
cousins. naturally disguised at having
to take back places seek consolation
at the hands OF the caricaturist, and
we all know that Brother Jonathan as
shown by tie pen and pencil OF TINS
gentleman-the lean-visaged, long
linlbe9 individual in a starred waist
coat and striped pants, wearing Fan
ana. hat and a goatee beard, VINO slts
with his feet on the mantelpiece. send
ing expectorations at distant objects