Pike County press. (Milford, Pa.) 1895-1925, 1903-04-03
INVASION OF BOSTON.
nY anoRen y. LonIMnn.

he married her-and how they tried TO butt |
their way through the upper crust
Hank and l were boys together in Ms
souri, and be stayed along in the old town
after ! left. ! heard Of him on and off as
tending store a little, and farming little,
and loaiing a good deal. Then ! forgot all
about him until one day a few years ago
when he turned up IN The papers as Capt
Henry Smith, the Klondike Gold King, just
back from Circle City, with million in dust
and anything you please in claims
was a little puzzled when week later,
my office boy brought me card reading
Col. Henry Augustus Bottles Smythe, but
! supposed it was some distinguished for
eigner, who had come to size me up so that
he could round out his roast on Chicago in
his new book and ! told the boy to show
the general in.
I've got a pretty good memory for faces,
and I'd bought too much store plug Of Hank
IN my time not to know him, even with a
clean shave and plug hat Some men
dry mp with success, but It was Just spout
ing out of Hank Told me he'd made his
pile and that he was tired Of living on The
Stag heap; that he'd spent his whole life
where money hardly whispered, let alone
talked, and he was going now where il would
shout Wanted to know what was the use
| OF being mob if fellow wasn't the nobbiest
sort Of a mob Said he'd bought house on
Beacon Hill, in Boston and that If I'd prick
up my ears occasionally I'd hear something
drop into the Back bay. Handed me his
new card four times and explained that
IL was the rawest sort Of dog to carry a
/ brace Of names in your card holster; that
it gave you the drop on the swells every
/ time, and that they just had to throw up
both hands and pass you the pot when you
! showed down. Said that Bottles was old
English for Bolts, and that Smythe was
new American for Smith; the Augustus was
| Just a fancy touch, a sort Of hgh-card
kicker
l didn't explain to Hank, because it was
/ congratulations and not explanations that
he wanted, and I make it point to show
a customer the line OF goods that he's look
ing for. And I never heard the full par
ticulars Of his experiences in the east
though, from what ] learned afterward
Hank struck Boston with a bang, oil right.
He located his claim on Beacon HILL be-
tween Maydowe e-sAlescendant and a
declaration signer's greatgrandson, breeds
which believe that when the Lord made
them He was through and that the rest of
MS just happened And he hadn't been in
town two hours before he started in to
/ uuhf improvements lnENH WAS n nlEu
wrought-iron railing in front OF his house.
and he had that gilded first thing because,
as he said, he wasn't running a receiving
vault and he didn't want any mistakes.
Then he bought a nice, open barouche had
the wheels painted red, hired niger
coachman and started out in style to be
soeiable and get acquainted. Left his card
all the way down one side of Beacon street,
and then drove back leaving 1t on the
other. Everywhere he stopped he found
that the whole family was ont Kept it up
a week, on and of, but didn't seem to
have any luck Thought that the men must
be hot sports and the women great gadders
to keep on the jump so much Allowed that
they were the liveliest little lot of heas that
he had ever chased. Decided to quit TRYING
to nail 'em one at a time, and planned out
something that he reckoned would round
up the whole bunch
Hank sent out a thousand invitations tc
his grand opening, as he called it left one
at every house within mile Had brass
band on the front steps and fireworks or
the roof Ordered 40 kegs from the brew
cry and hired a fancy mixer to sling to
gether mild snorts, as he called them, fol
the ladies. They tell me that when tht
band got to going good on the steps anc
] tAAN AAA1hbAhn bh NAlt lbuls even DtdtOl
street looked out the windows to see what
was doing There must have been 1000
people in the street and not a soul bu
{ Hank and his wife and the mixer in tn,
house. Some one yelled speech and theI
the whole crowd took it up, till Hank cam,
out on the steps He shut off the band witt
one hand and stopped the fireworks will
the other. Said that speechmaBing WASH
his strangle-hold; that he'd been living OF
snowballs in the Klondike for so long tina
, his gas-pipe was frozen; but that this wei
, come started the ice and he thought abou
three fingers of the plumbers favorite pre-
scription would cut out the frost. Woul,
the crowd join him? He had invited few
friends in for the evening, but there SCENE,
to be some misunderstanding about th
date, and he hated to have the good stui
curdie on his hands.
While this was going on the Mayhowe
t descendant was telephoning for the pc
, lice from one side and the Sgner's great
grandson from the other, and just as tn
crowd yelled and broke for the house tw
patrol wagons full of policemen got there
But they had to turn in a riot call and brin
out the reserves before they could brea
up Hanks little Boston tea-party
After all, Hank did what he started on
70 uo WIN MS AlF-INNNQtQ up all III
neighbors in a bunch, though not exact
! according to schedule For next mornin
! there were so many descendants and great
grandsons in the police court to prefe
\ charges that Il looked like a reunion of tn
Pilgrim Fathers. The judge fined Hank o
10 counts and bound him over to keep tn
peace for a hundred years. That afternoo
he left for the west on a special. becaus
the limited didn't get there quick enougt
: But before going he tackled on the from
door of his house a sign which read.
"Neighbors paying their party calls vii
J. please not heave rocks through windows {
attract attention Not in and not poin
e to be- Gone back to Circle City for a III
e tie quiet. Yours truly,
s 'HANK SMITH
7 IN. B.-Too swift for your uncle"
Z Hank dropped by my Office for a minut
J. on his way 10 Frisco Said he liked thing
a lively, but there was altogether too niue
rough-house on Beacon Hill for hin
T. Judged that as the crowd which WASH
d invited was so blamed sociable, the on
which was invited would have stayed
- week if it hadn't slipped up on the dat,
That might be the Boston idea but b
wanted a little more refinement ia hi
Said he was a pretty free spender an
e would hold his end up. but he hated
E hog. Of course 1 told Hank that Bosto
/. wasn't all that it was cracked up to b
< in the school histories, and that Circle Cit
( wasn't 50 tough as It read in the nswsps
e pers, for there wa no way Of nahinF hiI
e understand that he might have lived in Bo.
+ ton for a hundred years without being ir
It vted TO a strawberry sOciable. Because
" fellow cuts ice on the arctic circle, it doesn
t follow that he's going to be worth beans o
q the Back Bay.-From Letters from a Sci