The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-01-23

pitching the turkey out of the window and be done with 1t. q have heard of the like.) The better way is to have the turkey cut up in small pieces with an ax or a cross-cut saw and thus preserve the amiability of the excellent husband. Crhat's me- excusing the grammar. which sounds like a First Grade certifi- cato teacher. under our perfect system.l
 Turkeys try your patience in more ways than carving. A man who is mean enough to raise turkeys should be made to keep them on his own premises. Geese are almost as bad. One of the best men I ever knew lives near me. and has done me. oh, so many kndnesses. but one day q reckon the devil got in him) he did me very scurvy trick-he gave me q flock of geese. May the Lord forgive him.
 But the Representatives of the People, now in session. should devote a little of the wisdom with which the unsophisti- cated credit them to the solution of the turkey question. They are about to tackle the pistol toting business. The pistol habit is bad. sure enough. and I doubt if the Solons will satisfactorily solve it. 1t is to be regretted that the Tillman family has taken to this reprehensible habit. The 'pitchfor1k, business (of which the Tillmans had monopoly was innocently amusing and h is unfortunate that they got to carrying dangerous weapons, for when TlIlman becomes walking arsenal he Is liable to hurt any unarmed man he may meet. But, our lawmakers. fin fastening their minds on matters of State, may have forgotten some of the peculiarities of mere men. Some men are born timid. others grow timid and stlll others are timid from circumstances. Some men are afraid to walk in the dark by themselves; some are afraid to walk the crowded street In the daytime: some are afraid at all times Lawmakers should have regard to this weakness. The scary man should be very dear to the legislator. The law should be very severe against the bold, brave man who is convicted of carrying a weapon concealed, but very mild to- ward the scary fellow under the same circumstances. When the fact of his fearful timidity Is established his neigh borhood, or beat, or ward, should be taxed to pay the hire of a little nigger attendant to keep the ''boogers' off. This abundant protection will calm his fears. But, it's the man who raises no turkeys that needs protection. Why, Solomon in all his gIory never had q finer collard patch than mine till my
 
 to occupy till I come." If the doc urine of falling from grace" originated with turkeys in collard patch, don't blame it. It's about as fine an occasion for the origin and permanency of the doctrine as I care to think about. I never will consent to. church a brother who turns loose some extra explosives on such an Occasion. In all cases of homicide wherein turkey figures. the courts should be directed to rule that the killing is excusable. justifiable and com mendable. If there Is not wisdom enough in the Legislature to solve the pistol and turkey habit, the matter might be re- ferred to the Senate Cwhich of late is not in it's accustomed delight.) This matter of wisdom in high places is be- coming dlsgustingly monotonous. Why, the Senatorial solution of the negro prob- lem makes the average Southern land owner honestly believe that the author should have historical companionship with the Queens Justice"
 But. here I've been, like a garruIous gossip. regaling you with law making and the negro question and had nearly forgotten to tell you the why's and where fores of the turkey for dinner.
 Yesterday l was thinking and thinking of the past and among other minor in- cidents of my life recollected my mar riage. Today Is the thirty-fifth anniver- sary of the occasion. I told my yoke fellow Of 1t be lawful to call her so) that was going to celebrate. She tried to throw cold water on the undertaking, with the remark that perhaps it would have been better for her If we had had no such anniversary to begin with There was also something that sounded like being tied to a poor stick for thirty i've years was nothing to be proud of" It sounded that way Cand may be the consensus of yoke-fellow opinion in such cases) but she has recently had her ''uppers" removed and doesn't articufate the best in the world. The French. be- lieve. have a proverb, "We must suffer to be pretty and our yoke-fellows show good deal of heroism to hang on to beauty. I feel sure she was joking about the "poor stick" for her neighbors say one of her best traits is having an ex- ception of husband.
 We celebrated and went over the past She had torgotten a great many cf my