The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-06-17
Men, Women
and Things

not alone is 1t no disgrace to have APP
peared in the police court. but it is al
most as fashionable as appendicitis.
Automobiling is responsible for this,
as 1T is for many queer things, and the
owner of a machine who has not been
hauled into court for going too fast
or driving without light cannot fair
ly be said to have been initiated. In
Chicago the young autOiSts are not
happy until they have been arrested
all because at Newport w. K. Wander
bilt and other members of our royal
families have duly paid their police
court fines. So far just one young
man of st. Paul has gotten into So
ciety by driving without a light, and
he is naturally much looked up to and
respected by others who have not yet
attained that dizzy height Of fame.
A most useful volume recently put
out by very young publishing house
woth more zeal than discretion is
The True Story of a Thief" AS a
complete education in crime, Red
Handed Mike, or Three Taps at the
Back Gate" is not in it with this
charming book. The next thing we
expect to hear is that it is to be put
into Sunday school libraries to show
boys what not to do. After reading
this precious story one will know ex-
actly the cleverest manner to work a
crowd" how to steal a mans watch in
a street car, how to pick a lock and
substitute another lock while you are
inside. and, incidentally. it gives
complete glossary of thieves slang.
Every father should purchase the vol
ume for his growing son to show him
how low a publisher can fall.
Either the young men of st. Paul are
in trance or there is something the
matter with them. Surely if they did
their duty no advertisement like the
following would appear: WANTED, by
a lonesome lady, acquaintance with
another lonesome lady for outings to
lakes and parks" Now, there is a
heartrending pathos about that notice
that will appeal not alone to a lone
some lady, but to a lonesome gentle
man as well. What are the young men
of st. Paul doing that one lonesome
lady must advertise for another? 1t
Is not exactly clear why another lone
some lady is insisted upon, unless a
state Of lOnesOmeness makes one feel
that only one also lonesome can be
good company. We wish we could find
out whether the lonesome lady has
met up" with one sufficiently isolated.
It is we'll for the farmer to come to
town once in a while, if only to see a
few automobiles and find out what is
dong in the metropolis. If a certain
Mr.. Peterson who tills the ground of a
portion of Wisconsin had taken a day
off and come to the city for a look
about he might not now be mourning
a portion Of his bank account. A very
gentlemanly and conversational agent
struck Mr.. Peterson not long ago and
sold him a tin rooster which was to
turn red six times before a storm, in
order to give the wise farmer plenty Of
time in which to seek cover in case of
a blow. For this wonderful and use
full invention he paid the modest sum
of $50. Storms came and winds blew,
and the rooster never turned a hair,
but remained the dull shade it had
been when purchased. Mr.. Peterson
made up his mind he had been de-
frauded and went into town to see if
he could recover his check. Great was
his surprise to find that it was the
check that had turned instead Of the
rooster and had gone up to $500 from
$50. Now when that farmer sees an
agent coming he gets out his shotgun.
There is a small boy living not far
from this city who distinguished him
self last Sunday in a way which did
not make him beloved of the neigh
bors. Next door to the boy lived a
very nice woman who was giving
family dinner party and as she in
tended to have long dinner, discov-
cred that she would be short plates
for one course, so she borrowed them
Of the little boys mother. When the
dinner was over and the guests COM
fortably seated on the porch the small
boy from next door came over and
standing in front Of the hostess and
all the guests gave vent to the follow
ing question in loud tones:
Say, did you break any Of our best
china?''
1t is just as we'll not to say what
happened next, but fortunately the
guests were in the family and the gay
ETY. occasioned by the remark added
greatly to the pleasure Of the day.
The enterprising novelist who can
make books to order will find in the
recent unpleasantness in Servia a plot
ready to his hand which can be worked
into a thrilling tale on the "Graustark"
or fThe Conspirators' order, although
he may have to make a few slight
changes. For instance, he can intro
duce the surprisingly handsome Amer
lean who graduated from West Point
or Harvard and who is detailed to
study Something or other in Europe,
and gets mixed up with the Servian
disturbance Draga, instead Of what
she was, can be represented as a very
charming victim Of a distasteful royal
marriage, and when the mob enters
the palace, should be saved by the
brave American who is with the con-
spirators, but when he sees the queen
is won over and saves her They must
then fly to America or to Paris or some
safe spot, and marry and live happy
ever after. This. story will probably be
written per this schedule-for which
not a cent will be charged-and also in
Of hnJp md IN tI,o
autumn. King Peter Kara Georgevitch
will furnish another thrilling story
later. Servia is full Of delightful plots.
It has been discovered by some Lor-
enZ WorShipers that the great Austrian
surgeon is no more a sure thing than
any other, and now there are rumors
that some of the erStWhile patients
wish he had remained in his native
country. 1t is said that his methods
are rough and that his leg-pulling OPP
GRAFTON resembles the American man
ner so closely that one need go no
further than Broadway, New York, to
witness the same process. Several
legs that were so pulled, it is reported,
have again curled up and the owners
Of them are beginning to say things.
This is another lesson which inculcates
the value of patronizing home indus
tries.
The Minneapolis Journal has taken
to spelling words according to the way
they sound. Things sound so badly
in our twin city that the spelling is in
harmony. NAB.
ST. Paul. June 16. 1903.
Don't Keep Off the Grass.
rro +I1o L71itor re rTNl,o CI0ha.