The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1903-12-17

'strikes happy vein when he comes
to deal with the issue of watered stock.
+ Here he gives proof of the subtilty Of
his humor. In pointing out that COM
binations not only issue stock to cover
the intrinsic value of the properties In
voIyed, but also to cover the earning
capacity of t6e concern, and even the
brains that run the concern, he lays
bare the rapacity of the sharks of
finance in away that proclaims him
master hand at irony You must not
for moment suppose, brother John,
that the well informed humorist is ig-
norant of the facts that the earning ca
pacity of an industry changes with the
conditions of the times, and that the
brains that direct great industry to-
day may be dead, and no better than
SO much dirt, tomorrow: mighty uncer-
tain things on which to Issue stock!
/ Furthermore, it is my belief that the
critic of 'Intemperate Criticism is well
aware that if we grant one corporation
or industry the right to capitalize its
earning capacity; or concede to one
man the privilege to capitalize his
brain, we must, in order to be just, con-
cede the same rights and privileges to
all concerns, and to all men. This is
an impossibility; for the water in the
stocks would inundate the country, and
the imitation of values would inconti-
nently burst us. Thus in seemingly
defending the business methods of the
self-exalted leaders in the industrial
world, he brings forth one of the best
arguments that has yet been produced
against the reckless, devil-may care
means EN-. loyed by certain constella-
| tions OF promoters of their own inter
ests."
Say. Mr.. Mirror, / believe brother Joe
is a right down idiot!
"There are few sentences in the
sIntemperate Criticism in which the
writer hurls whitening scorn at some of
our greatest corporations. Take for ex-
ample his statements about the Steel
Trust Every body knows that the COM
mon stock of this concern is water-'on
ly this, and nothing more'-aud if the
promoters pay dividends OH this stock,
the consumers have to be bled which
process of bleeding the dear patient,
the public, is strictly in accordance
with the highest ethical code. Again,
the brilliant humorist brings out the
hitherto overlooked, or at least unno-
ticed point that if the stock of this
great industry had not been diluted by
copious injections of aqua puIa, 1T
would sell SO high above par that the
public in general could not touch it,
This is about the most beautifully sar-
castical quip that ever emanated from
the pen Of mortal being. Stop and
think for a moment, brother John.
Picture to yourself the horrible calami-
ty that would have overwhelmed the
public if it could not have bought Steel
common (water) at $50 per share!.l
Think of the lrreparable loss to the en-
ployees of this monster merger if the be
nevolent directors had not, through pure
kindness of heart, permitted them
nay, inveigled them, even bribed them
to buy these tempting undigested secu-
rites (water) at $50 per share, and1ater
on, actuated by sheer considerations of
the public's welfare in general, and the
welfare of their employees in particu-
lar, granted them the privilege of SELL
ing the same indigestible securities at
( $11, or, in her words. at a loss of $39
per share. Talk about magnanimity!
Great arr. the leaders In the industrial
world! And great is the writer of sIn-
temperate Criticism who, by exposing
the business methods of these broad
minded, clear-headed, able and nervous
leaders, sets them up as targets for the
shafts of ridicule and scorn, and makes
them stencil in the nostrils of all in
whom the love of honesty and fair
dealing has not been totally obliterat-
ed.
"The great satirist reaches the cul-
mination of artistic ridiculing and
scourging of the industrial cormorants
in his closing paragraph, and the very
apex of his incompatible 6nesse is
/ found in the sentence in which he ex-
horts the public to trust the promoters,
and to give them full control instead
of the mere power to point the way.
: The very best efforts of Bill Nye, A..