The semi-weekly messenger. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1897-1908, 1903-12-01
FADDEN.
BY EDWARD w. TOWNSEND.

/ saying he has some nares in d. Ca
nal company what would have warm
er feet if de [. S. owned Panama.
| Did we Want Panama? Mr.. Hay says
! dat il was a little late in de season
| for Panamas. but if it was a job lor
| he'd take II and hold it over TIL de
| market called for de goods. So de
| FrenChman says it was de jobbiest lot
| aver knocked down at a bargain. Only
n or W hundred millions for :
| canal, forty millions for de bunch OF
professional reVolutionists he had
staked out down here, and d. trick
was TONED. Mr.. Hay says dat it seem
ed like taking candy from a child to
get 1t so cheap. and de contract is
signed: de Frenchmand hands over
| Panama, wit a patent de factory and
in singing: My County It's up to
Deej and Mr.. Roosevelt can't keep
fr0yl winklng de next time he see
Mrf Hanna. OATS de modern way
of toing de trick. It's higher diplom-
Fine" says Mr.. Paul. seFine as
silk. No more sassy questions from
Europe, eh?"
"Oh. as to dat" says Whiskers.
de ting. Russia cables over. and
says Hey. Rube, whats doing?' and
we says: If you don't want your
Uncle Sammy messing around Man
churia, don't get fresh wit US Den
King Edward, he cables, and we says
has he got noting to do in Egypt, dat
he has so much time to get busy wit
us. and Edward he takes de hint.
Perhaps Emperor William he asks a
question, and we says if he has any
time on his hands dat his Congo
business don't need, we'd like him to
advise us how to run our business.
50 de concert of Europe having sung
it's little song. goes back to DER ma
ton taking. and leaves us to ours.
Modern diplomacy consists of two
bluffs and n wink"
All as simple as bon jure!" says
Mr.. Paul. 4 de poet fellow says
Because de good old rule suffices
dem-de simple plan, dat dey should
take who have de power, and dey
should keep h can OATS de talk.
But. sir. if it's all going to be done
witout no fighting. what is de use of
dose hundred millions for de army
and navy for ever?"
Sometimes" says Whiskers, d
fellow what is took from. gets silly.
and wants for to put on de mits, get
into de ring, and have it out. HUI
man nature is unreasonable, and will
fight just because it thinks it is getting
de woist of a bargain"
Naughty, naughty!' says Mr.. Paul.
Nov here's Columbia" Whiskers
goes IN. :Some fussy nannychist
down dere may say dat as we made
our bargain for a slice of it sneck of
woods, without asking her permits
sion. or giving her any of de raffe-off,
she will fight for her rights. 1t is
wicked to tink of, but some folks is
so silly dat dey will put up a fight
for what dey thinks is deir rights, ever
when we points out to en- kindly, dat
we has ten thirteen-1nch guns for
every one of DER tin swords Den
we has to go and spank en-. IT isn't
much of 2 Job, except for de Pension
Bureau. which takes six months to
enter de names of de honest voters
who might have been wounded If dey
had been in de war, and derefOre IS
entitled for to have a pension. But
dat is a detail for mugwumpS to chew
de rag Ove 1t has noting to do wit
de higher diplomacy. nor with patriot
ism, nor wit de getting of delegates
to de next convention. We is a peace
able people; but if we has to do it
no people will sell DER worn out
yachts to de navy for twice what dey
costs to build m put up de price OF
food and fuel, and RAJ down our eX-
ira dividends on coal road shares, and
packing house stock: sell paper shoes
to de army, and take de profits; pay
ten prices for armor plate, n Doom
United States steel; make new row.
eminent loans, and pocket de war
rate of interest on de cOupOns-no
people will do desc patriotic tingS
quicker dan we will when de bugJe
call to arms stirs our blood, and
quickens de life spirit of trade in
Wall street. We may be a nation Of
shop-keepers, Paul-but we know
how to keep shop"
Sir" says Mr.. Paur, you rouses
de first for war in me sluggish blood
-Chames, anodder bottle, quick. l
shall polish up me trusty blade. and
buy steel preferred: I shall put new
flint in me old squirrel rifle. and lay
in a few reamS of coal rOad stock: I
shall mount me gallant charger. and
nVes me savings in a few old hui.
dat can be pumped out n kept
afoat until de government has grab
bed EN- off at me own price, for trans
ports for to carry our gallant troops
to de hated foe or as far rs de
noble ships can be induced to stop on
top of de ocean. furrah." he says.
"Chalnes.' he says, make it q quart.
Let de honor roll of major generals
hold de names of every doctor what
ever played polo wit a president.
What care We? lie me make de ma
TONS wars, and I care not who pays
its pensions. If You can't get a dele
gate by argument. get him by bay
onets,'
Paul" chips in Whiskers, you Is
beginning to tai ridiculous. Who
said anything about pensions? Desc
objectionable subjects has no place in
patriotism. patronage or politics. Dey
isn't American. Away wit EN-"