The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1903-01-20
A NEW ENTERPRISE.
nv MAX ADELnR.

Ii you only had a little capital to invest,
said the young man, as he took a chair and
sat down close to my desk, II might put you
in the way of good thing"
Miner
"Oh, no. It's a petrifaction company; the
Columbia Petrifaction company, of Clarion
county. | could spare you 100 shares"
What does the company DOR
why, you know, it owns a limestone
spring up here in Clarion county. That spring
used TO belong to man named Herkimer
Jones. One day, when his well ran dry,
Jones went off and brought bucket of wa
ter from that spring, and the family drank
it. What was the consequence Next morn
ing when the neighbors called, Herkimer
Jones was sitting at the supper table turned
to solid stone. He had half of sausage in
his mouth; that was turned to stone, too
SO was Mrs. Jones, and Ellen z. Jones, and
Herkimer Jones, Jr., and the baby. The
limestone water did it. The heirs closed the
whole lot out to a sculptor named Ferguson,
who arranged them in group and sold them
to the British museum as models from the
antique. That is, excepting the baby He
put plaster paris wings on the baby and
passed him off as an original design Of
Cupid"
w hnb aDOub thC COMPANY
well, you see, the company at once
bought up the spring property and they in
tend to go into the petrifying business upon
a large scale. For example, s'pose'n you
get contract from congress to execute an
equestrian statue of Gen. Washington. First
you find horse; you make that horse drink
at the spring, and there he isl Perfectly
splendid Then you find a man who bears
n IF naparoI hIa 10
ton. You arrange picnic; get that man
up there in the woods; offer him drink;
and in IL minutes you can chip spalls off
of him with stone-chisel. Then you mount
your man on your horse, and there you
have sNgroup of statuary such as Greece in
her palmiest, days would have given her
bottom dollar to get"
81 see."
N'The company, you know, purposes to
have the country poorhouse located near to
the spring; and as the president of the board
of trustees owns 90 shares, we calculate to
solidify paupers right along, without inter-
mission, say 20 or 80 day. Don't you see
what magnificent prospect it opens up for
high art in America! We can fill any order.
Say you want statue of Gen. jackson, and
the only available pauper is too fat. What
do we do? We petrify him, and then we
chip him down and touch up his counte-
nance, maybe with chisel. Suppose you
want pair of saints to work into the front
door to church. We select a couple of
venerable Migrants, harden them, turn their
noses down, to give them dignity of express
sion, and the bricklayers then can build
them right into the door jambs
Suppose the demand for that kind of
statuary be small?"
Then we come down to basis Of utility
at once. S'posin' there's pauper with in
1ammatory rheumatism in his leg? We pet
rify him. We sell him to doctor. That
doctor cuts off the leg with marble saw,
and there he has that infammatory rheu-
matism right before him turned into gran
lite. S'posin one of them has q torpid liver?
In two hours the doctors can examine that
liver just as if it was brickbat, with the
torpidity sticking out all over it. Mind you,
if the supply of paupers holds out, venture
to say that the day is not far distant when
you can take petrihed livers, and hearts,
and muscles, and brain pans and build a
two-story house with them, with all the
modern conveniences, a mighty sight cheap
err than you can build it out of common stone.
Imagine living in a house made of ossifed
livers! Be unique, wouldn't it? 1t would
attract attention.
II don't care for such things myself,
but
Gen. Bangs. he tried some curious expert
ments with the water out of that spring.
He threw bucketful on cat that was Jump
ing about on his back fence one night; and
there she is now, fur up, tail elevated, mouth
open. picturesque and natural as life! Next
night he soused another one; same effect
of course; and now Gen. Bangs has ID ex-
qusite statuettes of cats in various atti-
tudes of grace ranged around on his fence.
Ferguson, the sculptor, told hin, he couldn't
have had those cats done in Carrara marble
in Europe under $4,000 But, of course, you
have to be careful when you have the Co
lumbla water around. Gen. Bangs kept his
in a barrel, and the other day his mother
in-law filled a pitcher from 1t, accidentally
and took drink. one hour later IT took
six men to carry her to the window so they
could lower her to the pavement with
derrick. She weighed nearly ton, and was
SO hard you couldn't crack her with a sledge-
hammer. The general was sorry OF course;
and after ne mad ner mounted on reyoisihe
pedestal ne Kept her IN ms 'front.' parior ior
/ q while nalmlnQ her OF on MS IrlenQS as