The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1903-01-18


Now. my good girl" the advocate. you you
the spot when prisoner the bar commit
ted the act Was anyone with you at the times'
Yiss yfss my lord ant advocate, sweetheart was
Counting. SUPPOSE" again asked. rs he here?
We want corroborative evidence
'Yiss my advocate lord. shust ootside''
We had better call him into court. here remarked
the Judge
NO. my lord.r cried the Goodness. no.
1 hartly him when we're alone. ant
I'm sure he won't court me here afore you all
Il <
In every they tell 'car-me-a-cab'
with different 1t is always the local wit who
godfather it, though probably tne pest
whose have been connected with it
bassador Choate and Chauncey NJ Depew.
The story hinges the customary difficulty in dis
tinguishng between the servants and the masculine
evening party. A. hurried
approaching Mr.. Choate Mr.. Depew the
may be- saying: Call a cab. will you?'
hero replies suavely, looking Certainly,
call a cab, If to be called that II you
little better looking could call han
young man of small financial pretensions was
paying 10 manufacturers daughter a
New England had heard that story. One night it
pleased the overdressed underbred
mistake him for hireng she swept down
the stairs at reception. He lettering there to
catch final glimpse Of his idol, who under aunty
chaperonage that night. Aunt looked at him with
naughty stare; said. call my brougham.
please pronouncng of her equipage though
she feared to Bosom The hearers Uttered slightly.
but the young mani bowed low.
Not worlds" said would call you anything
that could suggest a sweep
& e
The other day and a called a house
about taking a house The woman did all the
talking and the for confirmation
roboration He agreed with her. and did
.nseekIy.
Well" said the were willing take the
house at Ain' We
John replied: Yes
And wen pay the rent promptly. too. Won't we
john
Yes"
And wen take good care of the house. Won't We
john
Yes"
John?'
NO"
by the bye" the agent inquired. of You
and wfe?"
Man Wife exclaimed the sharply. In
deed John?'
NO. my dear"
''what?" said the agent Not man and wif.?"
Not exactly she retorted I'D have you know in
This instance wife and That's So isn't
john"
And John meekiy agreed.
Q & q q
Some pages from the diary the OF one
of the New Bedford whaling ships only make inter-
estng reading because of the principal subject treated
but because they written way they
show clearly than ordinary literary ability
said the Doctor. who is always reminiscent
j have books entries in which
would have made splendid novels without much atera-
ton, and have noticed that the sailor possesses
good deal more wit than he is usually credited with
One instance of this kind think particularly good.
Captain T., who first rate skipper and known
kind his al times somewhat and
Il great advocate temperance. a total abstaner
His first officer, while what you a drink
ing man, would now and then splice the main brace
however way
with his duties.
ION Of these writing out the log
for the day he placed the cabin Captain T. 10
sign and to make additional he might desire
The old man took squint at him Of the
o. his and shifted he a rather running
OF breath He said nothing. however but grabbed
Zen and before signing the log made the entry First
officer drunk today
First officer said nothing. but wood-that :.
t: say. a nautical Of way.
Next day when log placed before the Captain
it contained this entry by officer Captain sober
today"
x *
Il spoke the same platform last autumn with
funny fellow story / have heard in the
Campaign Representative telling
group in of the House cloak
rooms 1T used to illustrate prevalence OF
m workinemen
"A had in San Francisco after extensive
travels. mighty close to being busted decided
to work rather than starve applied freight office
OF one of the transcontinenal lines for place
g How much do you pay a
. We don't by the month.
How much
Don't by the week. We pay brakomen cents
a mile
Our busted friend went work ne first fr.igh,
train east from Frisco pulled up into
the mountains it moved slower slower and the
new brakeman. counting the miles began greatly
dissatisfied with his job But before reaching the sum
init the train broke IN miles n
hour the end backing the mountain SIDE
Taor
brakeman Stick to it. and jump
Jump" shouted back the brakeman Well guess
won't jump. What kim Of a fool you take me for
when I'm making $50 hour
<
Many stories told Of the elder Sc;hern.s original
methods Of entertaining his friends dinner
the most amusing Says Lucy Fuller In the Cen
ury Magazine f. that Of the beIa;ed guest when late
n the dinner this Was announced Mr sofber,
exclaimed; Let US all hide under down
hey all went save Mr. sothern himself who remained
stated When the tardy arrived Mr. sotheru rose
and received him with exquisite courtesy saying when
iour name was announced guests for some unse-
ounta5le reason. All hid under table After few
Moments % discomfort ~ they crept oz. ard
'sck TO he- At another dinner sofh~rn