The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1903-07-04
Sing A SONG OF THE SCANDAL.
1900 p. %. CLERKS CELEBRATE,
AND JAR THEIR SUPERIORS.
independence Celebration, which the
Postmaster-General Opposed, Turns
Out TO lie n Riotous Mockery--Cracks
At Perry Heath, Machen and Beavers.

Out TO lie RlOtOus undergraduates
WASHINGTON, July ga peculiar cere-
mony, which according to the printed pro-
gramme purported to be q Departmental
Independence celebration" was held at the
Post Office Department this afternoon.
This was the only Departmental celebration
IN Washington to-day. and it will probably
be the last one held at the Post Office De-
partment for many years to come.
There was the usual programme of songs,
recitations and addresses, which passed
on in pretty good order. The interesting
features Of the ceremony, however, were
entirely impromptu, and the celebration
changed from an occasion of considerable
dignity to bowling farce.
Postrnaster-General Payne and the other
high officials Of the Post Office department
did not favor the idea Of Departmental
Independence celebration" when 1t was
preached to them by the promoters, a week
or more ago. They believed that the De-
partment had had enough notoriety to last
for some time, and the idea of attracting
further attention to it was distasteful to
them. Then, too, they feared that the
| celebration might result in unexpected
happenings Their fears proved we'll
founded.
None OF the high officers OF the Depart
ment was present. Postmaster General
Payne had intended to start this even
ing for short stay in the Catskills When
he had read the programme no changed
his plans and went last night instead.
First Assistant Postmaster General Wynne
feared he would be very busy ON the after
noon OF July 3. He was. Second Assistant
Postmaster-General Shallenberger. when
asked to conduct the ceremonies, respect
fully declined Third Assistant Madden
nearly fell over his desk declining an in
vitation to speak. Fourth Assistant Bris-
tow was chained TO his desk"
Finally the committee in charge Of ar
rangements asked Capt. Castle, the auditor
for the Post Office Department, to lead
the ceremonies. Mr. Castle is not Post
Office Department official and he wouldn't
care IL no were--he likes to talk.
The Post Office Department printing
office got out the programme, and one
Of the clerks borrowed piano. The exer-
crises began promptly at o'clock this
afternoon.
The clerks drew up three deep along the
corridors of their respective floors incos-
Ing the vast exterior court Of the building.
Nlost OF them, particularly the male con-
tingent, seemed to be very enthusiastic
suspiciously so, in fact. When the time
came, however, for the singing Of My
Country, 'Iis Of Thee, by the entire assem-
bage, this interest was explained.
The first stanza was not more than half
sung when MIR. Castle and the members
OF the committee on arrangements who
occupied the balcony jutting out from
the first floor, from which the addresses
were delivered, wished themselves well out
OF the whole affair. One Of the commit
teemen tried to reach the coat-tais of the
conetist who was leading the singers but
he was so well to the front that the act
would have been too noticeable.
Consequently, the clerks, with great glee
and abandon, finished three stanZas of the
unauthorized version Of America" before
tho cornetist received an intilnation by
means of u window pole that there had been
enough music for the present. Almost
every clerk in the building had carbon
copy of the following:
BrIbers. It's up 10 thee
Forty per cent for me-
Should Loud In glad acclaim
swear there's no one to blame
For frauds and rake. game,
No dough we spun
For laws we have respect.
When they don't crooks affect.
We ind tIi That II '' we steal.
with big men In the ucsl
IL there's no one to Squcal.
What fears our band,
Graft was a noble art
In which we ell took part
And made our fame
When Beavers, Machen Gror
Coined cash and then made OF.
To them our hats we'll don
They capped our game
Crafts we're to keep most dark.
Tipped US by Uncle Mark.
And Perry Heath
Tor you can all get bail
With you In hOnor's scale
IL glorys wreath,
Following the rendition Of this parody,
there were a number of recitations and
addresses actually down on the programme.
During lull in the ceremonies, however, a
robust young man in his shirt sleeves, and
armed with paper megaphone about six
feet long, approached the gallery on the
sixth floor and shouted so he could have
been heard two blocks away:
Attention! The following Joint letter of
regret has just been received from former
Superintendents Beavers and Machen, of
the salary and allowance and free delivery
divisions, respectively
To our Late Henchmen in the Post ONCE Do
We are with you in this celebration We
have always been for almost anv old kind
OF liberty. and are even now fighting hard
for It, But we are irre9oclbly opposed to
the liberty OF the press. Yours IN exile
BEAVERS AND MACHEN
The members Of the committee on ar
ranRements became almost apoplectc dur
ing the reading of the foregoing
After the audience Of 1,500 or more had
yelled itself hoarse with delight over the
rapidly growing farce, Auditor Castle made
the address of the day, Mr.. Castle MAJ de
scholarly effort and would have been
better received had not the nssemblage
been in such hilarious mood. Mr. Castle
finally got their attention, however, and the
memorable "DepF rtnental Independence
celebration" would probably have closed |
in good order, had not the Hon. Donntus
Donnelly, who was recently dismissed |
from his place in the Post Office Depart
ment for organizing a company Of militia |
to march to the defence of Ireland, climbed |
out on the balcony, waved a big Irish flag |
over Mr.. Castles head ard in stentorian |
tones called for recruits for the Army OF |
the Republic Of Ireland.
With great presence Of mind the male |
chorus started up "The Star-Sps ngled |
h" nner' and the committee of arrange !
ments fed from the building.
"PERSONAL" Nv A BOTTLE.
Oysters on the Half Shell Served with This