The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-09-06
GIMME FADDEN'S SIDE
 GLANCE AT MAIN STREET:
And A Fearsome Tale of the Loss
 of Q Di&raph.

wonder what's all dis rough house about ditching Broadway! has known dat lane since sold papes in Park Row, and 1t never wasn't a walk trough orchard. or . stroll on de beach by moon- light. Oats what makes it Broadway.
 De foist time I ever was in de country. when I took me job wit Miss Fannie, dere was so much no-noise dat it near turn me into a fit. It keep me awake nights; and in de day I was dodging fire engines, cars, ambulances and tracks dat wasn't dere. till near crossed me eyes. trying to see bote ways to once. Let me tell you: most of dose mugs dats making de holler about de Broadway ditch isn't on to de proposition. If New Workers ever struck little old By when it wasn't torn up or down. or being sewed, or gass- ed ,or water lined. or rooted for wires or paved or repaved. or retracked, or ditched chased by plain close men, and had de goods on em.
 I'm telling you dat what makes de lit- tic old Main Street Number One wit all Manufacturers Is dat dey gets all de fun and exercise of mountain climbing, min ing. Mort Pole finding. and frontier life witout never leaving Broadway.
 Isn't dere plenty of places in New York where de houses is up and de streets is down? Sure! But what do you see dere? "a small lot of belt-liners out for a walk. and a cat or two. wit a few noisery maids looking for de cop dat never comes.
 I says dat to Mir. Paul, and he says to me. "Chames," ..e says, you Is more dan right. you is all right. Avaunt de day." he says. using form woids now and den, to keep me guessing. when our principal avnoo of commerce. trade. bar gain counters. first nights, Holsters and cocktails shall be navigable witout de aid of a guide, Pinkerton man, a rope iad- der, and package of foist relief for de injured! Broadway as 1t is, is what makes it a delight. Otherwise. why not so home by anodder route? When chill dren can play puss-in de corner, and bean bag in Broadway, witout overcrowding de morgue. de day of its glory Is down and out"
 It's a ten-to-one shot dat MT. Paul is right even if he did use dude iangwudge to sing his song. Listen; why do folks go to de country. Just for de fun of coming back to town. It don't matter what town it Is, so long as it is de town dat you hangs out in when you're at home.
 "Cheems." says Duchess to me, 'rd rather go to Paris dan heaven"
 Same odds against bote places" says I. 'Tomorrow's our day off; so let's peat DOte places, ana go 10 o0 boWery, and see Little Duke"
 Remember Little Duke? He's our kid. Dat we'd go to see him was a cinch, of course, for we always goes down to me modder's home on our days off to see de kid. Mrs. Murphy Is wit me modder. now-remember Murphy7 Dey does laun- dry woik for Miss Fannie, and some odder swells dat Miss Fannie touted for em, and makes all sorts of swell money. Dere's a silk haired girl dat Miss Fannie knows, dat teaches in a Mission school, who teaches de kid, too, and say, he's dat rich wit his langwudge dat I can't hold him. He talks like a little edition of MT. Paul, and when Duchess says dat he'll be President. or Alderman, it don't sound so much like a pipe talk as you'd tink. And he's Joining French! Say, you'd die to hear him talk to his ma, Duchess, in de regular forn French dat Duchess and de teacher teaches to him. It's a wonder! All de poodle dat make him a sure enough gent: and Duch- dozen years, or so, we'll not stop wit trained to be cook, and wit de start restaurant some day. But dat's a dream!
 Me modder and Duchess is great pals. but dey don't hitch when 1t comes to what de Little Duke will be.
 Me dear" says modder to me on de quiet, when Duchess was putting kiddie over de jumps of his French grammar, witout . price mark; but Chimmie, as