The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1903-10-01
MINNESOTA THURSDAY /,

IOBEK L, lSO0.
you have the bulge On her. The love
and honor clause is dead letter. Jur-
isprudence in our enlightened age scars
miles above emotional pap and mawk-
ish sentimentalism. Our lawmakers
and our courts are too broad-mlnded,
too Ievel-headed to listen to foolish
woman who complains because her
husband does not love or honor her.
You may hold your wife in the great
est contempt; you may let her starve
for kind word or look; you may break
her heart with the most refined of cru
elites; and the law will hold you blame
less. But if you keep your money un-
der lock and key; or-fail to crafty her
whims and caprices, the law will
pounce upon you, and shake you, and
tear you, and make you disgorge. till
your head swims, and your knees wob-
BILE and your esophagus has convul-
sions, and your bump of self-esteem
caves in. And this is as it should be.
The lawmakers are wise. You are
fool, Sorehead, and if your wife turns
you out of doors you have only your
self to blame.
Cynicus, old fellow, there are powers
and potentialities in that little bundle
of flesh and bone called woman, that
you little drea med of before you came
under her spell. She shows her con-
tempt for you. and when you are about
to rise in your might and proclaim
your independence of petticoat rule,
she subdues you with look, and you
carefully fold up your independence
and bury it in the lower southwest
corner of your watch pocket, where it
will soon die of atrophy. She remorse-
lessly tramples on your little vices with
her high heeled slippers, and when you
demonstrate, or try to call her attention
to her own shortcomings, she straight
way becomes a Niobe, and you and
your remonstrances are drowned in her
flood of tears. This remora-like crea-
ture who fastens herself onto you that
you may pilot her through the mael-
stroms, and the dangerous undercur-
rents, and the tedious stretches of life's
ocean, thinks you are well paid for the
troubles and labors she imposes upon
you If she smiles on you-or at you
occasionally, or gives you a perfume
tory caress. And there are fools who
call her the pearl of creation! They all
tell you the Creator first tried His Gre
ative power on meaner things. and hav-
ing become quite perfect in his art, He
created Woman, the Crown of Creation.
But they are misinformed. You have
it from the records of your renowned
ancestor, Jonah Sorehead Whalefed
Cynicus, that in a vision which he be-
held while dreaming under the gourd
which grew on the east side of the city
of Nineveh, the true history of creation
in general, and the true history of the
creation of Woman in particular, was
there and then revealed to him. You
have read in his unpublished brickbats
that the gods being lonesome, and tired
of fighting each other, created the heav-
ems and the earth, and all that Is there
in, woman excluded, and man included
of whom they made goodly number
each god contributing something, and
some of them working, or creating
with all their might to counteract OF
set at naught the works or creations OF
other gods; (hence the discords and
confusions, and discrepancies we be-
hold in the unlverse.) And that, when
the whole thing was finished they as
sembled on mount-h'm! no matter
what mount; the gods have an lnalien
able right to assemble on any ole
mount they darn please-to view theil
handiwork. And that there were Ger
tain odds and ends, and remnants o1
matter, and soul, and mind left ovel
from the first creation, which one Of
the numerous offspring of old Zeus
begged his father to give to him tt
practice on. And that old Zeus, being
then engaged in his first practice o.
hurting the lightning, granted the re
quest of the youngster in order to ge
rid of him.
, That little Zeus Jr. gathered a few
!. armsful of remnants, and not knowing
exactly what to do with them, asket
Ate, the goddess of mischief, and Eris
the goddess of discord, to help him il
his first attempt at creating; whereup
) on the three after much molding ant