davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-01-28
A SWORD OF HONOR.
1t Was the Means of Bringing Mar
shall Ney to Death.

shall Ney to Death.
A sabcr Of honor brought Marshal
Ney TO dlshonor and death. When Ma
poleon entered Cairo ON the 22d of July,
1893, he was presented with three
swords Of honor richly inlaid with pre-
cious stones. He brought them back
to Europe, and In 1902 he gave one to
Ney and another to Murat, keeping the
third for himself Ney received his at
an imperial reception. The sword
passed from one to another of those
present, among whom was a young
subaltern of the Auvergne regiment.
When Napoleon escaped from Elbe,
Ney left the king and took sides with
his former chief After the allies en-
tered Paris, Ney made preparations to
get out of the country but his wife and
friend persuaded him that there was
really no danger, and he decided to re-
main in France. Then came the order
for his arrest. He fled to u castle In
the possession of some friends and sue
ceeded in reaching it without his pres
ence being known. One day, feeling
tired, he threw himself on a couch, first
taking off his oriental sword, which he
always wore out of affection for the
emperor. Hearing voices he sprang
up and hurriedly left the room. forget
ting his sword. A minute later a par
ty of women and men entered the room,
one of them being the young subaltern
OF the Auvergne regiment, now q colo
mel. He at once recognized the sword
and, calling In some gendarmes. pro-
ceeded to search the premises. Finding
that he was discovered, Ney gave him
self UP quietly. On Dec. z, 1915, the
marshal, whose sobriquet was the
Bravest of the Brave, the hero of a
hundred battles, was shot. Scarcely
two months after the owner of the sec.
ond sword, Murat, had met his fate in
the same way.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-01-28

During the long tertiary epoch, when
opossums disported themselves on the
site of Paris and mastodons tramped
along the valley of the Thames, the
earth was In the throes of mountain
making. The Alps, the Himalayas,
the Alleghanies, the Andes, attest the
power of her natiuits- L., .i-,e--.-s--=. =
fheir termination our continents stood
greatly higher than they do now, and
this aided their glaciation, although II
does not fully account for It,
But as they became loaded with Ice
Europe and America gradually, and we
may venture to say contemporaneously,
sank. This was inevitable. Owing to
the extreme heat and pressure prevail
Ing In its interior the earth il an en-
inently elastic body. Its surface ac-
tually bulges In or out with very
slight increase or decrease OF the load
upon it.-Edlnburgh Review.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-01-28
DUMAS AND HIS BARBER.
ORIGIN OF the Practice of Speculate
ing IA Thenter Tickets.

ing "A Thenter Tickets.
The practice of specializing in thea
ter tickets, strange as it may appear,
was started by the elder Dumas. He
patroniZed n Paris barber named Por-
cher, and one day this worthy while
shaving the novelist asked him why he
did not sell the tickets given him by
the managers of the theaters where
his plays We're produced.
ITO whom could l sell themi" asked
the author of the Three Musketeers."
why, to me. If you like" replied Por-
cher. And what would you do with
themY asked Dumas. That's my
business" replied the barber, contin-
uing to lather the bronzed face of the
famous story teller
But l give you tickets whenever you
ask for them" said Dumas. "Ah! One
or two are not sufficient for my pur-
pose" responded Porcher Il must
have all your tickets. and every day
too" And you will pay for them?"
said the dramatist. Cash." was the
simple yet practical reply.
Dumas ut that moment was very
badly in need of money, SO he at once
concluded the bargain Porcher, who
shortly after this gave up shaving and
cutting hair, made similar bargains
with other authors and quickly became
rich
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-01-28
Plant. Tint Wear ovcrcoats.

Plants have developed almost as many
lodges for perpetuating their existence
as animals, only we don't so easily rec
ognize them Did 1t ever strike you
that every seed bulb or tuber Is not
merely n reservoir Of material for the
plant that Is to grow out Of II, but also
n mass of fuel for supplying heat nee
essary to the sproutlng seedletf More
than this If you look mt the early
spring buds and flowers, you will notice
that those which are likely to be ex-
posed to frost, such as catklns or will
low and hazel. are well protected by a
thick covering of soft material, reg
ular plant oyercoat
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-01-28

Among theatrical anecdotes a time
honored chestnut Is that which belongs
to the tent scene in Richard Ill" The
story is told of Barry Sullivan, to
whom 1t probably occurred. Anyhow
that Is characteristic enough of the ia.
nous irish tragedian.
who's there" exclaims Richard at
the conclusion of his dreaming. Gates
by In his excitement stammered out his
answer and abruptly stopped in the
middle of his phrase, otis l. my lord,
the early village cock"
Sullivan surveyed the bewildered as
pect OF the officer for few seconds
with n sardonic grin, as IL enjoying the
actors agony, and then growled In an
audible tone, "Then why the mischief
don't you crowY
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-01-28
A Ready Answer,

Not all visitors to the country are as
ignorant of the farmers surroundings
as the farmers sometimes suppose.
Browning's Magazine gives this In
stance:
WAL" said Farmer wilkins to his
city boarder, who was up early and
looking round, "ben out to hear the
haycock crow. s'pose" And he wink
ed ut his hired man.
NO. replied the city boarder; "Pve
been out tying knot In cord of
wood"
Farmer Wilkins seowled at the hired
man and wanted to know why he was
not getting TO work at milking those
COWS.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-01-28
LOCATING JOHN.
The Fate of IA Tiger Hunter and His
Return Home.

A story is told OF young man
named John T., who, being In poor
health, went to India. His family had
instructed him not to spare expense.
but TO cable three times a week how
he was and what he was doing. The
first cable message ran:
Am we'll. Have native guide, Inja.
Hunt tigers tomorrow
The next communication did not ar
rive TIL two weeks later. 1t was this:
John dead Killed. Tiger. What do?
INA.
Back went the fearful message:
Send on body.
A month later there was delivered to
the keeper of the receiving vault of NJ.
cemetery box or coffin so large and
heavy that II might have been the
home of n second Cardiff Giant. Sus-
picion having been aroused, a permit
was secured and the sealed coffin
opened. To the CONSERVATION of those
present there lay the body of a magnif-
icent Bengal tiger resting on white
satin. The following message was soon
racing across the Atlantic:
Some mistake. Some mistake YOU
send tiger. Where Is John?
The following Information was soon
received:
No mistake. No mistake John inside
tiger!
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-01-28
AN ARCTIC MEAL.
Getting supper For Men and Dogs
ON the Polar Ice Sheet.


Dogs were unhitched and fastened, as
usual, and then each of the Eskimos
climbed over the ice foot with his snow
knife and disappeared behind the para
pet, where the other two were already
cutting snow blocks. | fastened my
dogs, got out their ration of pemmican,
cut 1t up and fed them, standing by
with whip In hand to see that there
was no bullying, and that each dog got
his share. Then unpaeked the cooker,
oil can and kitchen box, passing them
up the ice foot as high as could reach.
l did not wait for the completion of the
igloo to commence my preparations for
supper, but with few strokes of the
spade excavated niche In the snow
bank, put the cooker In out of the wind,
filled the lamp with oil and the boiler
with ice, placed few snow blocks
around 1t for still better shelter and
lighted up. BY the time the igloo was
completed had enough water melted
for our tea, and supper was entirely
ready by the time my men had fed the
dogs. and they lost no time In freeing
their clothing of snow and joining me
In the igloo. Still less time was con-
sumed In putting away the tea and bis
cult and pemmican, and less again In
falling off to dreamless slumber-Com-
mander Robert t. Peary In Outing
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-01-28
ue,uttfuI Trcc SNAKES

Amo, z the most attractive of the
many kinds of serpents are the delicate
and beautiful tree snakes (dendrophis),
which very rarely descend to the
ground, as they find food enough among
the birds and those frogs and lizards
which also dwell In trees The grace
full form of the body, the elegance and
rnpldity of their movements and the
exquisite beauty of their eolors have
excited the lively admiration Of those
who have had the good fortune to
watch them In their native haunts. The
larger kinds attain to II length OF over
five feet. They are frequently adorned
with the brightest colors, green being,
however, generally the prevailing tint.
They are active by day.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-01-28
Mauna Loa, in the Sandwich Islands,

Mauna Loa, in the Sandwich Islands,
1850 feet high, is the highest noun
tain which rises directly from the sea.
A Turtle Race.
"One of the most curious races l ever
saw" writes correspondent of the
London Taller, was on Mr.. Carl Ha-
genbeck's lawn at Hamburg. Some
seven children mounted on the backs
of large turtles or tortoises raced across
the lawn. To give impetus to their
queer steeds most of them armed them
selves with cabbages, which they tied
to the end of sticks. ever and anon
dangling them as tempting morsels In
front Of the turtles. 1t was strange
race and occupied some time. Every
now and then turtle would grasp a
piece Of cabbage and then quietly eat
it before resuming its journey"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-01-28
Seeing Snakes.

Persons suffering from delirium ire
mems usually imagine that they are
surrounded by snakes. An explanation
of this hallucination, says the Family
Doctor, Is offered by the result Of some
recent experiments. Sixteen alcoholic
patients were examined with the oph-
kaleidoscope, and 1t was found that the
minute blood vessels In the retina OF
their eyes were congested. In this con-
dition they appear black and are pro-
jected into the field Of vision, where
their movements resemble the squlrm-
ing of serpeuts.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-01-28

Man is the best friend Of the dog.
Horses come next, but between the dog
and all other farm animals, from the
house cat to the COW and the beef steer,
there seems to be a natural enmity.
Dogs, however. arc fond of sheep and
goats, but as diet. not as living friends
Cows and sheep and goats should be
kept as free from association with dogs
as Is possible. with the exception Of the
trained shepherd dog. A dog walking
through a cowpen will often cause
decrease In milk flow that amounts to
more than the cash value Of the dog.
Many dogs are worth considerably less
than nothing.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-01-28
Instinot Stronger Than VIII.

A curious story is told of Darwin and
snakes. He used to go into the Lon
don Geological society's gardens, Re.
gents park. and, standing by the glass
case containing the cobra de capelIo,
put his forehead against the glass while
the cobra struck out at him. The glass
was between them. Darwin's mind was
perfectly convinced as to the inability
Of the snake to harm him, yet he would
always dodge. Time after time he
tried 1t, his will and reason keeping
him there, his instinct making him
dodge. The instinct was stronger than
both will aud reason.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-01-28
Snrx fhe Whale of IL

Alexander weeping because the world
WAS 80 small has counterpart In an
old inhabitant of Luss, Il pretty little
village on Loeb Lomond side, Scotland,
who ut last has been persuaded to
climb the mountain which has filled SO
large n part OF his horizon all the days
OF his life. In Luss he has lived, as his
fathers lived before him, and from
Luss he has never had the ambition to
Journey, even as far as Glasgow. But
some one got him to the top of Ben To-
mond the other day.
'Eh, moji," said he, with great self
eongratulatlon, but the worlds big
place when ye come to view the whole
of itr'
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-01-28
wanted 10 I'uy,

Very much indebted customer enters
a butchers shop. remarking, "Tll take
n leg of mutton. and | want to pay for
It,"
"All right" replies the butcher, hand
ing forth the meat, which customer
takes aud starts to go. Look here"
cries the butcher, 81 thought you said
you wanted to pay for itf'
$50 | do was the reply, "but /
can't."-London Telegraph.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-01-28
Anf I'm KIfa Seaf.

A certain congressman was very busy
at his desk In the house one morning
when n page announced, "a gentleman
In the lobby to see you, sir" "Tell him
Pm not In my seat" said the congress
man after looking at the card. The
boy. sturdy looking chap, did not
move. But you are In your sent, sir"
he answered In matter of fact tones,
"and | can't say you are not" The
congressman looked at the lad angrily,
but, seeing that he was In earnest,
moved into the vacant chair of his
nelghbor. Now tell him I'm not In my
seat" eyes, SIR" said the boy briskly
and went TO deliver the message.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-01-28

The majority of men recognize moth
ing In human affairs as good unless It
yields some return, and they love those
friends most-as they do their cattle
from whom they hope to obtain the
most profit. Thus they lack that lowell
est and most natural forrl Of friendship
which is sought for its own sake only,
nor do they know from experience how
beautiful and how lofty such friend.
ship Is,
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-01-28
A Horned snake.

A very handsome species of snake is
the rhinoceros viper, which bears, as
its name suggests horns on It's nose.
1t Is most beautifully colored when
freshly emerging from It's cast skin, but
its form is by no means elegant, being
very thick In body, with bulldoglike
head. 1t may attain length Of more
than six feet and Is a very deadly ami
mal.-Quarterly Review.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-01-28
Splendid Isolation.

"why do you remain apart from 9th.
ersr asked young lion Of his sire.
would not a herd Of lions present an
imposing arrayT
by no means" answered the elder.
ut would greatly diminish the respect
now felt for ua. Sheep may herd to-
gether, but the lion must flock by him
aelf."-New York Herald.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-01-28
A Deserved Fate.

Some poet wrote the following:
Long Is that morn that brings no
eve; tall Is the corn that no cobs leave;
blue is the sky that never looks yeller:
hard Is the apple that never growa
meller; but longer and bluer and hard
er and tall Is my own ladylove-my
adorable Poll" P. S.-The author has
since died in great agony.-London
Bits.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-01-28
Natures Monument to Washington

Natures monument to Warrington.
Among the many monuments to
Washington Is the one which every WIS.,
itor to the Cape Verde islands will re-
member as one of the most colossal and
marvellous freaks OF natural sculpture
In existence. Along the farther side Of
the harbor of San Vicente, the principal
town, rises n bold ridge of dark gray
volcanic rocks, the crest of which forms
an exact likeness of our immortal
George, seemingly lying face upward,
as IL in a peaceful sleep.
The heros large, bold features, the
backward wave of the hair. his mass
i've shoulders and even the frill of the
shirt front are all reproduced on q gi-
gantic scale with wonderful exactness.
The strange monument sharply out
lined against the deep blue of the trop-
ical sky, is one of the first objects that
meet ones eye In approaching the is
land. Its gigantic proportions, with
the boundless ocean for background,
form n portrait wonderfully true to ma
ture and overpowering in its magnifi-
cence.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-01-28

The facetIous boarder had the plot
laid for killing joke.
"Its WONDER" he said, chat you
didn't serve up this hen, feathers and
ALL"
"rhe next time" said the landlady,
with marked emphasis, "Ill serve her,
bill and ALL"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-01-28
SILL AluIferafinn

This country is not the only one
where unconsidered trifles are snapped
up by manufacturers and put to prac-
teal use. In China the down of the
thistle is gathered and mixed with raw
silk so ingeniously that even experts
are deceived when the fabric is woven.
1t is also used to stuff cushions as a
substitute for eiderdown, and a very
good substitute 1t makes.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-01-28
Happy Day.

"what are you writingY asked the
freshman.
Just dropping line to my governor,
wishing him many happy returns of
the day." replied the sophomore.
"Why, is this his birthday
mo; pa, lay. He sent me q check
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-01-28

TennysOn,H Memory.

Tennyson when young man had n
strong liking for Gray and classed him
and Burns as the two greatest lyric
poets of any age or country. He much
loved some of Burns poetry. But be-
fore all Tennyson placed his Bible. He
had also great liking for Dante's I'm
ferno" and knew 1t line for line. He
would boast In his pleasant way that
II any one read one line he could give
the next from memory, and he invaria-
bIy did H.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-01-28
Simnle.

The Doctor-A queer case Of insanity
came under my notice the other day.
The fellow is perfectly sane us long as
anybody is looking at him, but raves
violently when his friends quit watch
ing him.
The Professor pmphl Out Of sight.
Jut of mind.-Cnicago Tribune.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-01-28

1t takes u very large dose of chic
reform to annsthetiZe the Chinaman.
He passes under its influence more
often characteristic of the initial stage
Of anGsthesia Still more rarely does
he suffer from sickness on his return TO
consciousness. This greater apathy Of
nature helps to recovery from severe
accidents and operations London Hos
pltal.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-01-28

at does not always pay to be too
smart" said n lawyer. "At our board
ing house new waitress was employ
cd, and young chap asked her what
he should call her.
"'Cail me PEARL she said.
care you the pearl Of great prlcer
he asked.
ono answered the girl, 4 guess
am the pearl that was cast before
swine New York Times.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-01-28

He thought the mothers Of the day
were inclined to shirk their proper re-
sponslbility, and he was arguing
against the employment of maid for
the children.
Eve" he said, "had no nursegirl."
"And Cain went wrong" she replied
promptly.-Chicago Post.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-01-28

Hell had realistic dream last night.
She-Indeedl What was 1t?
"Oh, l dreamed l had proposed to
you aud you had turned me over to
your father"
Eyes, yes. And what did father sayp
"Oh, | don't know. | only know
woke up md found myself on the
r."-Yonkers Statesman.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-01-28
Not Ia He Endured.

"Deah boy, is 1t true that you have
discharged your valetp
'Ya-as, the scoundrel! When l took
him out with me, he managed to make
people think he was the mastah and
was the man, baw JoveW-Exchange
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-01-28
Causes.

Success" I asserted sagely, sis due
to our accurate judgment of human ma
ture."
And" retorted the man who always
carries things to extremes, ito Its mac
curate JUDGMENT Of Brooklyn Life
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-01-28
between Friends.

Miss Elderleigh-Pll let you into
secret If you'll promise not to tell 1t.
Miss Younger-All right.
Miss Elderleigh-Pm engaged
Miss Younger-Oh, fudge! Suppose ]
10 tell 1t? No one will believe it
Chicago News.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-01-28
Making Himself Clear,

She-Do you know that lady in the
far corner?
Helm a way. l have listening &c.
quaintance with her.
n don't believe ! understand you,
sir.h
tShe Is my Smart Set.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-01-28
An EfYusive Combination.

Waggsby-Graclousl II young Got
rox and Miss Blublud are so fortunate
as to have their marriage blessed with
children, the rising generation will be
terrible takers.
Naggsby-Why SO?
Waggsby-Why, If "money talks and
"blood will TELL" their progeny will In
herit two mighty strong inducements
to be Observation-Disclosures Amer
fnan
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-01-28
IjnsyuDuthefIc,

"This is cold, unfeeling world" he
remarked bitterly,
"Hsw returned his companion. "You,
too, have heard the ribald laugh when
you slipped Oh banana skin, have
yOu?"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-01-28
Helping the Batter.

Mistress dn surprise)-Why did you
place the alarm clock by the buck
wheat batter2
Nora-So 1t would know what time
TO rise, mum.-Chlcago News.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-01-28
How He Missed n Bath.

Traveller Ito hotel clerk)-I want a
room and bath, please.
Hotel Clerk-Well, can give you
room, but I haven't time to give you
the bath Just now.-Columbia Jester.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-01-28
SIuiDIe.

Ethel-A sixteen page letter from
George! Why, what ON earth does he
say?
Mabel-He says he loves me.-Pltts-
burg Gazette.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-01-28

Organ grinders In Vienna are not al
lowed to play in the morning or even
ing-only between midday and sunset
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-01-28
GrenfIx Heduced.

well, well, old man! This Is quite a
change Last time saw you you were
among the Four Hundred And now
'Now an clean back In fractions."--
Baltimore American.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-01-28

The man who teaches women to
smoke always marries one who won't
let him do 1t himself = New York
Times.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-01-28

1t is great deal custer TO teach an
old dog new tricks than 1t 10 to make
him forge his old ones.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-01-28

Eve-l'm so sorry.
Adam-Too bad! 1t was FOOLS par
adise!LSmart Set.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-01-28

Melancholy Is the pleasure of being
gad.-IIugo.