The Savannah morning news., 1903-07-16

others face relax into a smile of in
finite amusement
In affairs of this kind" he added.
1T is point of honor to lose no time.
SO | have already written my answer,
which you will oblige me by taking to
this desperate person."
And he handed it to Capt. A. The
latter took 1t. muttering: ITS a null
sance, but it can't be helped" and he
was on his way to the door when Mr..
Disraeli said; "Oh, by the way, just
to prevent any possibility of a misun-
Outstanding, ii would be as well il you
read my letter before taking it,"
Thereupon Capt. A. opened it and read
this amazing production:
Whereas Mr.. b. alleges that Mr..
Disraei has permitted himself to be-
have with scant courtesy to a lady in
a public place, and in a manner which
Mr.. b. can only regard as grossly
insulting to himself. MIR. Disraeli looks
upon Mr.. b. as 'hippopotamus. a."
Capt. A. was thunderstruck and re-
manned speechless with establishment,
while Mr.. Disraeli continued to smile
upon him blandly. Such a smile was
infectious. irresistible, and a second
later the two friends were roaring with
laughter. When at last Capt. A. had
recovered his breath he gasped out:
Capital joke! Very FUNNY" Then,
with look of horror: But, 1 say, you
don't expect me to be such a born
jackass as to take that letter TO your
man, do you?"
Il waive the jackass. born or I'M
born" was the suave reply; "but you
VIII do me a real service if you will
take it, and, indeed, you led me to be-
lieve that I might count on you"
Eyes, butt
Pardon me, there is no but in this
matter. That is my only answer, the
only possible answer. You will take it,
won't you? Then Capt. A. had an idea
and he said:
Very wen. I will take 1t, but only
on the condition that you come with
me and wait for me at the door while
present it,"
This was agreed to and they set off
together Mr.. B. was, as he was bound
to be, at home waiting. Mr.. Disraeli
strolled up and down outside, while
Capt A was ushered into the presence.
Both bowed.
Sir, l have come to you as Mr.. Dis
raelis friend"
"Sir, have been expecting you"
Mr.. Disraeli has charged me to de-
liver to you his answer in person."
and Capt. A. held out the letter Mr..
B. looked suspicious and wrathful and
said:
II will read it, provided it is not an
apology. 1 will accept no apology"
Pray, read it. 1t can scarcely be
called an apology"
Mr.. b. opened the letter with
frown. Capt. A. watching him. He saw
the frown deepen for moment and
the next ii was followed by a start of
surprise, then the close-set lips began
to twitch and after a final but vain
endeaVor to preserve his gravity, Mr..
b. broke down and laughed. That was
what Capt. A. had been hoping for.
Mr., B. was good fellow, after all,
with keen sense of humor; the alb
surdity of such reply to such a mis-
sive took him unawares, and he laugh
ed on without restraint. firing off the
word ''hippopotamus" at intervals like
minute guns.
Well" he calculated presently,
your friend is certainly original. But
what exactly is to be done now?"
"Done!' replied Capt A. II sim
cerely hope you will allow me to sug-
gest that there is only one thing to be
done. Nothing would have induced me
TO bring you that Enthusiastically
droll letter unless Mr.. Disraeli had
consented to accompany me, and he is
on your doorstep at this moment. Come
down and shake hands with him and
you must both dine with me Tonight
And they did
On another occasion Mr.. Disraeli
was strolling on the promenade with
Capt. A. when they passed a native
| dandy reeking with scent. Mr.. Dis
raeli, who was Dit of dandy him
self and did not relish this caricature
or the real thing, shifted disgustedly
and said: bah! how that man
stanks! The man in question in
stantly stopped and produced his card :
TINS, under certain circumstances, be-
ing the recognized preliminary to i'm
pending deeds of blood. Mr.. Disraeli
at once produced his card in return,
but before handing it to him and with
the most perfect good humor, as if
descanting on an abstract theme, he
addressed him in his own inimitably
winning way:
Mr.. M, looking at the card. "I see
that is your name. Mine is Disraeli. :"
and he fiicked a speck of dust off his
sleeve While the other looked enlight-
ened. Before this goes further may
l beg to detain you for a minute.
What l have to say will not take long
in the saying. 1t is, of course. much
to be regretted that you should have
been given cause for offense by any
expression which fell from me un-
guardedly. This l say without hesita-
ton and without any mental reserva-
ton. But the proposed remedy, Mr..
M? 1t is to that wish to be allowed
to direct your attention, for indeed IL
would prove to be at the best inef-
fective, at the worst disastrous. You
propose now to kill me or that l should
kill you and why? Because-it is, I
repeat, very much to be regretted /
said you stink. Yes, but If you kill
me, you won't stink any the less;
whereas If l kill you you will only
stink the morel"
And Mr.. Disraeli looked almost
panied that this should be so.
The sheer audacity of it carried the
day.
Mr. M. stared at him helplessly, as
at some strange being he had never
met before. then shrugged his Shout
ders with a comic gesture of despair
and retired without further remark.
Knows Not Taste of Water.
T7.os,. H. Nro..- VII