The San Francisco call., 1903-12-28

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The Loom OF Life etc-l
Copyright 1907. by Joseph B. BcNles
I have heard married folks affirm with
great solemnity. we have never had
quarrel" But ] always wonder If they
do not mean a fight" That is easy
enough. of course. but a quarrel!
How in the world can two people with
any force Of character and any strong
convictions about life get along for
quarter of a century or more without
some sort Of clash that produces es-
arrangement and alteration? They
surely must be angels-or rabbits,
Fatigue brings on quarrels. So don't
get overtirod unless you have to. The
whole world looks so dark TO a woman
when she has washed and ironed and
baked. all in the same day. Every bone
in her body aches There IS a numb
ness in the base Of her brain. Her head
throbs. The slightest noise goes
through her nerves like the firing Of
cannon. Poor old John, II he happens
10 forget the oysters tonight he is liza
bic 10 hear from it. For Mary isn't
herself
Worry brings on quarrels- If John
has a note coming due. or has just re-
ceived bill which he had forgotten all
about. or has had strike on in his
mill. he hardly knows the difference be
tween a kiss and a cuff. So don't
worry.
A thousand other things bring on
quarrels. and sometimes they just seem
10 come on Of themselves.
It would be sublime if people never
did quarrel; but they do-and therefore
II is q matter Of the gravest Importance
that they should know how to make
Up" afterward. No quarrel is ever
rightly made up" without downright
confession and whOle-hearted forgive
ness. They are patched up" but not
made up" The wound is hidden, but
not healed-unless the offender gets
down on his marrow bones. and the Of
Tended one bestows a gracious pardon.
II is psychologically impossible for it to
be otherwise. You might as well try to
heal a sword cash without bringing the
edges together; or solder lead pipes
without rosin. God has ordained and
decreed il TO be as it is, and quarrels
that are not settled by confession and
pardon leave the barb OF the arrow
even If the shaft is drawn. This fact
is not understood or else il is ignored,
and the result is bitterness, agony and
oftentimes divorce
The confession of a wrong is a neces-
sity, both TO the soul that perpetrates
IL and 10 the one which is its victim
You may wish il was not So People
wish they could escape toOthache with
out filling or extraction, but nature has
Willed il otherwise. No wrOngdoer ever
feels a true self-respect without con-
fession. He realizes that he ought to
admit his error and that nothing but
obstinacy restrains him. 1t is ignomin-
iOus and cOwardly not TO do it. and he is
ashamed Of himself This modification
must be repressed in order to his men
tai rest, and 50 he puts on a bold front
and bluffs ii down, an act which stimu-
lates his egotism and hardens his heart.
He becomes proud, cold and brutal All
his finer feelings die
Confession is also necessity for the
injured one. We are so made that in
jury hurts. The soul suffers as the
body does Pain is the fundamental
element in self-preservation If il did
not hurt TO be insulted and wronged
We should become the passive victims
Of injustice and wrong IT does hurt
and this hurt has but a single healing
lotion. We dream of relief through
revenge. but ii is only a dream. Re
VenGe embitters and hardens. There is
only one balm. and that is the ac-
knowledgment Of the wrong by the one
who has inflicted the wound. Nothing
Is more mysterious and wonderful than
the curative power Of confession. II
soothes the pain and draws the poison
from The sore. 1t is water on fire and
oil on water.
But forgiveness is as imperative a ne
cessity as confession" It is passing
strange, but il is unequivocallv true
that quarrel cannot be made nm
without free pardon. The heart that
has been hurt can be relieved and
restored to its original state Of good
viii only when that divine sentiment
has ezrded. as gums exude from
wounded trees. The bitterness is
drained out by the act Of pardon. If
you refuse to forgive you will feel un-
worthy and be unhappy. And as for
the one who has Acknowledged the
fault, nothing is more certain than that
ne al pt tAdH DefateQ Dy your not for
giving him. II is humiliating enough to
confess, but il is maddening not to be
forgiven And yet in spite Of this psy-
geological law some people pride them
selves in being vindictive. We forgive
but we never forget" they say-too
stupid to perceive the contradiction. To
forgive is to forget. The soul that
freely pardons gradually loses the
memory Cor at least the painful mem
ory) of the wound.
This spiritual confession and par
don" is the most beautiful phenomenon
in nature. ii is the cure for all men
tai unhsppiness. Hearts capable Of
performing these two sublime acts will
Lore forever The deepest and sweet
est experiences Of their lives win be
making I'D" their quaTrels. Just as
divided electric currents reunite when
passing through two poles Of a battery,
their love VIII mingle through confess
sion and pardon. And so when you and
John read this article by the ireside
open your hearts to each other. Con-
fess the sin. forgive the wrong and