The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-06-28
SPARKS
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

{
It's easy to be judge in the noun
talns Of eastern Kentucky All you
nave TO do is 10 learn who set fire to
the hotel and then turn them loose, or
railing that, move inside your store and
call on the militia.
Perhaps the counciImen viii set up
the defense that by drinking the liquor
IN Pdrley's canyon. outside the corDor-
ate limits Of Salt Lake. they were not
violating their own ordinance
Friends of Postmaster General PAYNE
sincerely trust that ill-health viii not
compel him 10 resign until the trouble
in the pOstofice department is thor
oughly investigated and cleared UP.
The Kansas legislature has shown
nice sense Of delicacy in not voting an
J appropriation for the relief of the flood
sufferers. The fact that the victims
Of the disaster viii have to depend on
private charity remains, but it viii not
! be official charity and will therefore be
less humiliating to the pride of the
stricken people
A Pennsylvania preacher has re-
turned home. single, after a trip OF
5000 miles in search of a wife. This
gentleman must be marvelously ill-fa-
vored or ultra fastidious or he would
not need to go outside his own state to
find a wife
Just by way of variety a kick from
the automobile contingent is registered
in a suit for $150,000 begun against New
/ York City by T. c. Havemeyer and
others who were injured by running
INTO sewer excavation in the dark.
After forty years of effort to ..ele-
vate woman" Miss Virginia Penny is
now in a New York almshouSe which
shows that ungrateful woman is not
entitled to any elevation whatever.
The experience of that New York girl
who discovere the baron" she married
was not a baron is peculiar only in that
the fellow was a fake baron. That he
was a fake was a foregone conclusion.
If there should come a senator from
/ Thibet he would meet a warm reception
as both pOlygamy and polyandry are
prachsed there.
{ Chicago has just sent pyromaniac
to the Industrial school. A pyromaniac.
/ it appears. IS a little girl years old
+ who is believed to be likely to set fire
/ to the house.
! ne -ItIllCSOLd ENELdI Liquor dealers
/ convention made an effort to get Car
/ RE Nation to address the meeting, but
/ the distinguished smasher could not be
found, and the foolish gathering was
! therefore not broken up.
The indications are that any one who
/ digs up a certain Iowa idea" viii be
liable to indictment for grave robbing.
An article on royalty recently pub
Iished says the lord high steward to the
/ kaiser has seventy orders, but does not
say whether they are conflicting.
It is said new banks are being estab-
lished in the United States at the rate
! of fifty per month Whether this is
/ good thing or not we shall be better
! able to tell in a few years after we see
how well they last
And now Philadelphia reports "a huge
! ball of fire which burst over the north
/ west section Of the city" These Phila-
/ delphia people really ought to cut out
late hours if the habit affects them
thus.
An old-time telegrapher now located
! In Salt Lake tells how he was cured
Of the practical joke habit 1T was in
! the early SOS" he says, "and I was
/ operator at a little station in eastern
/ Montana. The town was on the edge
I Of the Indian reservation and groups
( Of the Indians hung around the station
nearly all the time, peering through the
windows watching US work and taking
the greatest satisfaction in observing
the trains that passed through We
/ had a water cooler with an iron cup
} attached to it by a chain in the waiting
room. The Indians, after they had
I mastered their fear of the new things
oh r.Ta ~,e
drinking from this cooler and as they
/ were not extra, clean we figured on a
/ scheme to make them stop using the
water without provoking an Indian
/ war. Finally I incubated an idea that
We proceeded to put into execution at
4 once. We placed a piece of zinc on the
I floor in front of the cooler, spilled a lot
zinc and cooler with a battery in the
/ office. BY pressing q key in the Office
/ We could give any one taking a drink
/ a first class shock. The wet zinc and
/ the iron chain on the cup made the
circuit when the cup was in anybOdy's
4 mouth. We fixed the thing up and
! layed for an Indian Pretty soon big,
! greasy buck walked into the room and
( helped himself to the water. We con-
/ nected him up and the instant the cup
! touched his lips he let out a boiler that
/ could be heard half a mile, threw the
] Cup c~S AdL d. LllC CAAdlAl WOQtu let IL 30
/ and, drenched With water, tore out Of
the station We had not got through
/ laughing at the success of our scheme
/ before there was a fussilade of shots
from outside and bullets tore through
! the Office where we were sitting. None
I of them hit US, but one flew across a
/ table and wrecked our Portland key
I and connections and several Of them
/ did considerable damage to our outfit.
/ That d Indian did not know what
had hurt him, but he had figured that
we were responsible for it and after he
! had recovered from the fright and
shock he just pulled his gun and
/ opened up on our Office. We were not
J bothered by Indians drinking out of our
! cooler again. but they would have been
welcome. We had a good and plenty
, OF practical Joking"