Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1903-02-14
.JoBSoN's LATE MEAL

Got anything to eat in the house?" in
CURED MT. Jobson OF Mrs. Jobson when
tney arrived home at midnight from the
theater the other night. I'm hungry-and
besides. dEank something to take the taste
OF that show out Of my mouth"
Now, YOU know my DEAR" Mrs. Jobson
began to argue, that you cannot eat al
| night. Every time you try 1t You have a
bad time OF 1t. don't you? Don't you re-
member the lastStime when you had to sit
up half the night with dyspepsia. and you
| swore then"
| who sat up. half night or -millonth
part OF night on account Of partaking
or little wholesome food?" demanded Mr..
Jooson Me? That's another one of those
| dreams OF yours I've got stomach like
an ostrich, and you know 1t. Before ever
saw or heard of you l used to eat big
Welsh rabbit every night of my life just
before turning in, and
But, 1nterposed Mrs. Jobson with a
| smile, you must remember that that was
good many years ago, when you were a
good deal younger than you are now. and
as we grow older we
| Look a-here, madam" cut in Mr.. job
| son, m becoming mighty tired of these
lncessant cracks of yours about my age.
lou re running them in too often. I'm not
| In my dotage by whole houseful, yet.
| want you to understand, and If I wanted
| TO l, 100 could mention some people who
are not getting any more Spring-chickenish
| as the years glide on I'm not worried
any about my age, and you needn't let it
Keep you awake O. nights A womans as
ola as she looks and a mans as old as he
| 1eels, and according to that maxim, l
guess nobody in my immediate neighbor-
nood has got much on me when 1t comes to
| the age business. But you can't switch me
that way from what asked you, namely,
what nave you got in the house that is
good to eat?'
| Well said Mrs. Jobson, with rueful
| expression, thinking to scare him off,
h mere some cheese and some cold corned
beer, and some picked pigs feet-but, of
course, you could never in the wide world
eat such things at this hour of the night.
| But there's an unopened quart of milk and
| some graham waters, and"
| On, there are. hey?" Interrupted Mr..
Jobson.. well, you can have the milk and
| the graham waters if you long for that in
| slpid kind Of sustenance. The pigs feet
ana the cheese and the cold corned beef
| VIII Just about hit the spot with me. Don't
you let the idea run away with you that
| m TOO Old to eat any old thing that comes
| my way at any hour Of the day or night
| When I've got my habits on, and I'm hun
| CRY enough right at this minute to eat a
burro stuffed with firecrackers.'
| MY DEAR, mildly said Mrs. Jobson, TAX
| ing her last stand. don't you remember
| that the last time you ate heavy food at
| nlght 1t brought on bilious attack that
| Kept you In bed for a week, ana you de-
! elared then that never while you lived
| ''All that must have happened with one of
| your husbands In a previous rencarnation,
madam, severely put In Mr.. Jobson, land
| l Wtsh you wouldn't keep me standing here
| talking all night. l suppose you'll grant
that I'm emitted to get something to eat
IN my own house any time l want it, won
you! just You spread a couple O. napkins,
/ II you please, and trot out That stuff that
| you've got tucked away in the ice box, and
| III give you a correct imitation of an aged
| ana decreplt man, as you appear to regard
me; with hod-carrier's appetite
| >, But II you would only take something
| light ventured Mrs. Jobsun
For reply Mr.. Jobson emitted a snort and
bounded for the basement stairway
| Well, he greWled as he went down the
stairs, since You positively and finally de-
cine to give me. a little nourishment, I'll
| see what can do myself toward"
lie ddnt have to finish the sentence be-
cause Mrs Jobson was right after him.
for luncheon. and Mr.. Jobson looked wolf
| ish while she went about the preparations
| want coffee, too" he declared hungriiy,
| and she proceeded to make coffee for him.
| Zen minutes after they descended to the
basement -Mr. Jobson was regaling himself
| with picked pigs feet. several large slabs
| Of cold corned beef of which he made sand
| witches, using cold biscuit left from break
| fast for the purpose, topping off with a
| couple OF large cheese sandwiches and then
| a huge piece of cold lemon me.ingue pie
that had been left from dinner. with coffee.
This sure makes hit with me- this little
feed. commented Mr.. Jobson during his
| reloast-Mrs. Jobson confined herself to the
| milk and graham waters. Il haven't been
SO hungry since l learned how to eat-never
Knew anything to taste so good as this stuff
| either. Dyspepsia nothing! Nobody gets
| dyspepsia eating plain, wholesome food like
this-its only when folks proceed to get gay
| with their stomachs and devcur all sorts Of
fancy truck that they suffer from dyspep-
| STA. I'll bet you the incest hat that you can
| buy for money that I'll sleep like a top
| tonight. just because l haven't been i'm
| beSie enough to agree to your proposition
| that | sink off to bed in furnished state -
| 1t was about l O'Clock before the Jobsons
| got to bed, and Mr. Jobson was still smack
| ing his lips and talking about how good the
| feed had tasted when he made bee
| line for the bed with his eye and turned off
| the gas.
| He fell off to sleep after a short time.
| but after about half an hour or so the
| that he began to toss and moan in his
| sleep. and then she knew that she was in
for it. A little before o'clock Mr.. Jobscn
| awoke from a nightmare with a howl and
| sat up in bed gasping.
| Get me some baking Soda he muttered
in choked tone, bending forward in bed
and groaning miserably. And heat some
water for the hot water bag-Ive been
| poisoned"
Mrs. Jobson slipped on a wrapper aud
| hustled down to the kitchen for the baking
| SOud anu put vi q Kettle OF not water
Then she hunted up a mustard plaster AMI
| applied it to Mr.. Jobson where he felt the
| worst. She didn't say anything to him
about what he had eaten until, after abou.
two hours, hard work, she had relieved
| him of his pains. Then the womans 10
| stinctive fondness for the -told-you-so
reproach overcame her. and she said to
| him:
'You know I warned you when you IN
| sisted upon eating all of that heavy food
| at such an hour of the night that"
| Madam" said Mr.. Jobson, sepulchrally
sitting up in the bed and glaring at her. III
| l am able to get out of this bed at day
light, and If It's the last thing that 1 ever
| do in this life, IN going to take a specimen
| of those pigs feet to a chemist friend of
| mine and have him analyze it for traces
| Of arsenic or strychnine or some other
| violent poison. l am not making any rash
| assertions madam, but thought all along
| that 1 made a mistake when l increased
| my life insurance-and / have my sus-
| picions, madam have my suspicions!'
Vitality and Low Temperature.
| From tqe New York Sum-