The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1903-08-12
HUMOROUS.

BlODDS-l telI you aulOmODlllnB IL IL
fine sport. Slobbs-Yes; If you have
the money to pay EN-.
Tommy-Pop, what is an optimist?
Tommy's Pop-An optimist, my son,
is man who is married and glad of It,
The Querist-Wnat do you think Of
the doctrine of the survival of the fit
test? The Egotist--It Is all right, SO
far. | am still alive.
Householder - There's something
wrong with this bill. It's too big!
Grocers Clerk-That's why the boss
sent me to collect 1t.
She-You must see, papa, dear, about
our marriage. But don't be anxious
about the outcome. He-What I'm
anxious about Is the income.
Husband-I wish | knew where
could find a buried treasure. Wife
Never mind. dear, I'm your treasure.
Husband-Yes, but you are not buried.
Mrs. Knicker-They say fool and
his money are soon parted. Mrs.
Bocker-It isn't so. George is a per-
| feet idiot, and can't get a cent out OF
him.
Higgins-Would you look at old
Smith out in that drenching rain! He
looks to be up against 1t. Virgins
Yes; he Is even too poor to raise an
| umbrella.
Miss Screecher-Papa is thinking of
giving my voice a trial. Mr.. Blunt
leigh-Well, hope for your sake he'll
not select a jury from among your
neighbors.
Pete-Did yer hear about Paul. de
bunko man? Why, he done" de freaks
| in de side show out of their wages.
Jim-H'm! | suppose yer'd say he was
doing" wonders.
First Citizen-What do you think of
this idea of an army of the unem-
| ployed marching to Washington? Sec
ond Citizen-That's nothing new. 1t
happens every four years.
But we've shall not begin our
married life with a secret, shall we,
dearest?" "No. dearest" he muir
INJURED; there's p ell otnyfaointaoin
INJURED; there's plenty of time"
Hamlet-People speak in high terms
| of DIR. Wise. Towne-Yes; but he
| isn't always consistent. For instance,
| he told me that | must avoid excite
ment, and the very next day he sent
me his bill.
| Tommy" said the surprised mother
as she caught Kim in the act of taking
| the fifth slice of cake, aren't you for
getting yourself?" mo, ma" chuck
led Tommy; II am remembering my
self pretty WELL"
Proud Father-Rick, my boy, If you
live up to your Grafton you'll be an
| honor to the family. Valedictorian--I
| expect to do better than that, father.
/ am going to try to live up to the
baccalaureate sermon.
She-There is just one little bit of
millinery that desire most. He
| (crossly)-You needn't say any more,
| won't buy it for you. She-Don't be
afraid. You'll never get the bill for it.
It's widows bonnet.
| II don't see what right you have TO
turn up your antennae at me-" said the
clam. 81 am as good as you are" 81
! deny it," said the lobster. Anybody
can be a clam, but in order to be a
| lobster one has to be born a lobster.
Mr.. Mamon-Edgar, what do the
market reports say today? Edgar
| (reading)-Butter strong, coffee set
tied, feathers light. ru bbreshrdiupu
tied, feathers light. rubber elastic,
cheese active. "How's lead and iron?"
Both heavy"
Sam-What makes Pete look so
mad? Remus-Why. de man in de
white tie said he'd find somethin' un-
der the plate dat wud interest him.
Sam-Was 1t a dime? Remus-No; it
was a newspaper article layin' forth
de evil of tippin'.