The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1903-12-21
THE NoNPAREIL MAN

Why the intellectually Of the Pipestem-
Legged Dude Does Not Show OFF Well
at the Bal Poudre In Knee Breeches-
Editor Wells Backbone Likely to Get
Conclusion In the ReprehensIbIe Po-
sltIon Taken by Dr.. Parkhurst on
RUM.
George AIDE wouldn't go to the bal
poudre because he had to wear knee
panties, thus rendering too conspicuous
the trim elegance Of his lower extremities.
Mr.. AIDE is right. We pipestem-legged
dudes may be intellectual giants, but we
don't shine in knee breeches.
DR.. Parkhurst says he never hesitates
to take a glass of brandy or wine when
he thinks he needs 1t. We do not care
to hear the opinion of Editor Wells Of
our steamed contemporary, Backbone, on
this frightful state of mind. We violate
no confidence in stating that Backbone
is for prohibition-not that kind that
keeps it away from the other fellow while
you have 1t in the cellar yourself but
for straight-out, front-door prohibition
that carrienations the liquid damnation
! wherever 1t is found. Editor Wells draws
no lines. All liquor Is rum to him, no .
| matter what its name. Ten-year-
wood and blackberry brandy full Of
salicylic acid look just alike to Mr.. Wells.
and he is proud Of it. He would as
| quickly take a carbolic cocktail as a
| Manhattan one A mint juIep he would
| regard with the same adherence as he
rem.
| Holding these views. as we know he
does, we are able to formulate shrewd
guess as to the position Brother Wells
will take on Brother Parkhurst's stand
| in favor Of dark red booze when he
thinks he needs it.
We shall open our Backbone next week
with trembling apprehension of the light
nings of fiery invective and of the solemn
thunders Of denunciation and warning
! that will circle about the devoted head
| Of DR.. Parkhurst. We fear the worst.
Thirty-six master plumbers Of Pittsburg
! have decided to so into overalls and to
do their own plumbing. The journeymen
plumbers are all out on strike for million
dollars a day and pie. and the master
plumbers have decided to take one delayed
building at a time and to do their own
work. Besides this, they will not charge
time for stopping to expectorate on the
floor
| Some of the brethren are inclined to
| poke fun at Brother Box Of the Ladies'
|
! carrying a million circulation with an
! advertising rate without any blowholes
| in it, he can afford to smile at all such
| pseudo -humorists.
The prominence of Colon and Panama
| has brought out a new drink in New
York called "the isthmian highball. AS
a corroder of the inner membrane it has
| no equal.
The foolish man asks his wife if she
would like an automobile in her Christ
mas stocking, but the wise man saith
nothing but buyeth diamonds.
| Rock Island has just built non-Car-
negie library. Isn't that waste of city
| funds?
| Cardinal Espinos has left the Bank of
Spain $4,000 to be paid as a premium
to the first Spanish general who will land
and make a successful Judgment in the
| United States and avenge the defeat Of
! 1898. That bank has one fund that is GER
] tainly good for million years unless the
] cashiers hand slips.
1.-The Elk Point, S. D., Leader gives
i fine, example Of a Yankeeized Bohemian
/ dialect that Is fairly well known in some
parts Of the northwest. A farmer was
having some trouble to get somebody to
L
he says: "Ai olwas MAX good ia cherry
boda, boota. ba jing, cherry boda amt al
was max good ia me. All len ma hayrack
an ba jung, All have go git i'm cherry
| time. Al change work en- hahn, boota, ba
jing, do koom an halp me when Arm oil
ready? Nit! All olwas ba good man ia
nabors bully. Wen Al hav boss yob
| trashin' All oil koom an say: Pete, Al
| LAX bully ia poun' out that fine yob fer
you Al lets um an tina max putta nigh
500. Ba jing, tina asks fer the money
| fore tina pull way the mascheen. Petes
a hal good faller wen tina wants any
ting af i'm; it's Pete this an Pete that
but wen the water spoils his crop don't
eny body necerize Pete then. Boota, oil
the same, All max good any way an Al
guess All won't lose any more sleep EN-
some oder peoples
| "Scotty'' Mickle, whose real name n
| Adam Micke, has been hostler in Spen-
Ger, Iowa, for many years. During this
| time he has drawn SIS a month and board.
and has been quite cOntented. Several
months ago Spencer banker, never able
to let well enough alone, read an item in
some newspaper stating that a wealthy
Australian had died without relatives and
| that the estate was about to revert to
the crown. The name of the man, Mickle,
/ reminded that banker Of the fact that
"Scotty" had said that some members
of his family had gone to Australia when
he came to this country, since which time
he had lost all track of them.
thorities in Australia and established
"Scottys" right to the estate.
/ How would you like to have a ten-ton
rock like that fall off the courthouse tower
and hit you while you were on your way
to church? "A. j. r.