Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1903-05-25
HUMOROUS.

Delia-What did you fall out about?
Celia-Why, we hadn't been engaged
week before he quit buying boxes,
and brought me candy in a paper bag.
Maude-Oh, Gertie, what a lovely
| engagement ring How l envy you!
Gertie-You needn't, dear. When it
comes to the point, I've either got to
marry him or give it back.
my brother Jakeys got a good
job" where's he working?" Down
to the electric light plant" picking
currents off the wires?" Eyes, how did
you guess?" He says he likes the job.
It's such light work.
The deaf and dumb lovers were bill
ing and cooling with their fingers.
How much do you love me?" she sig
nailed. More than tongue can tell"
he replied, glibly. And they were su-
premely happy.
Wigg-What an awkward chap SUBJ
bubs is. He doesn't seem to know what
to do with his hands. Wagg-No,
only when he's going home with his
usual assortment of bundles.
Husband Grritably)-It isn't year
since you said you believed our mar
riage was made in heaven, and yet
you order me around as if l wasn't
anybody. Wife (calmly)-Order is
heavens first law.
Subbubs-We've got a new girl at
our house. Backlots-Hah! It's easy
enough to get new girl, but can you
keep her? Subbubs-The doctor
thinks so. He declares she weighs
nine pounds at least.
Il wouldn't marry you, sir, if you
were the last man on EARTH" said Miss
Diehl. But as | am not the last man
on earth and can't expect to be, sup
pose you will accept me-" said Cholly
Nervy with calm assurance.
Mrs. Smith-Did you ever notice
what a way Mr.. S'lyder has of looking
in another direction when lady is
standing in the street car? Mrs.
Black-I don't know that | have; but
l have noticed him do it in church
when the contribution box came along.
What was that noise, Katie?"
shouted the lady from her boudoir.
"Oh, mum, it was only the baby crawl
Ing under the piano, and he hit him
self, num-" replied the girl. Dear
little boy! Did he hurt himself, Ka-
tie?" mo, mum; sure it was the soft
pedal he hit, num-"
But, MAMMA" protested Miss Bull
yon. why are you sending out invi-
tations for diamond weuulng? You
haven't been married nearly long
enough for that" whats that gotA
to do with it?" demanded Mrs. Bulyof. =
Your fathers financial standing would
make anything less than a diamond
wedding absurd"
Mrs. NeXtdoor-Your daughter has
improved wonderfully in her piano
playing. Mrs. Homer-Pm glad to
hear you say Soft you are really sin
cere. Mrs. Nextdoor-Why, what do
you mean? Mrs. HONEYWELL, you
see, we didn't know whether she was
improving, or whether we were merely
getting used to it.
MI o. yOu utdlu lu0
news? Mrs. Spelter died quite sud-
denly last evening. Mrs. Griggs-You
don't mean it? Oh, dear, Pm so sorry!
There's one thing, however; l shan't
have to pay her the call owed her. I
suppose I'm the worst person that ever
was to pay calls.
Madge-Whom did you meet at Mrs.
Climbers party? Ethy-A lot of im-,
possible people that nobody knows. l 4
had to talk to myself to keep from be-
ing lonesome.
Mrs. Youngman-But when he did
finally come home, | should think
you'd have been sufficiently curious at
least to ask what had kept him out so
late. Mrs. Klubman-Yes, but had
surfeited myself with fiction while I
waited up for him.
"And let's have plenty of palms."
said Mr.. Cumrox. THAT is a very
good suggestion" answered his wife.
"I'm glad to see that your taste is SO
good. I'm very fond of palms" Eyes;
they're useful as well as ornamental.
There's nothing handler than a good
big bunch of palms to go to sleep be-
IL s..1 ,x-fv, ICi ~ q