davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-06-26
Believer In Signs.

"Say, paw" queried Tommy Tod
dies, sis ring around the moon sign
of rainP'
That's what" replied the old man.
with a sigh long drawn out "And a
ring around a woman's third finger is
q sign of more reign"
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-06-26
Her Hearts Desire.

She-There is just one little bit OK
millinery that desire most.
He (crossly)-You needn't say any
more. l won't buy 1t for you.
She-Don't be afraid. You'll never
get the bill for it. It's a widows
bonnet.-Philadelphia Press.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-06-26
Both to Blame

Jchn-You are always busy when I
come in!
Charles-well, you alwys come In
when I'm busy.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-06-26
Going and Coming.

"You don't mean to say he's got q
job? Well, we'll I never expected
him to 60 to work"
"Well, he didn't expect to go to
work. either; he just found he had to
come to it."-Philadelphia Press.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-06-26

Proof POSITIVE

Shells 1t really true that the blind
can determine color By the sense Of
touch7
He-sure I once knew q blind man
who was able to tell red hot stove by
merely putting his finger on It
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-06-26
Idle Talent.

Bacon-The professors education is
wasted.
Egbert-How Is thatf
"Why. he can speak Ave languages,
but since he married he's hardly been
allowed to use any OF them."-Yonkers
Statesman.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-06-26
SUPPOSE WE SMILE.
HUMOROUS PARAGRAPHS FROM
THE COMIC PAPERS.

Pleasant Incidents Occurring the
World Over-Sayingst that Are Cheer
full to Old or Younx-Funny sslec-
tiona that Everybody VIII Enjoy.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-06-26
Often the Case.

''In choosing wife," said the scan
ty-haired philosopher. zone should
never judge by appearances"
''That's right" rejoined the very
young man. "The homeliest girls usu-
ally have the most money"
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-06-26

Injudicious Inte1lectuaIity.
Yictoria-Our club papers are too
long.
virginia-I think 50; twice. now, I've
had to come home before refreshments.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-06-26

There are some positions that seem
to require men who don't know very
much.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-06-26
Her Little Ioke.

They stopped at Silver Spring.
II think this water tastes Hike hops. ;"
remarked the young man IN the soft
hat
Nothing unsual," laughed his fair
companion, when there IL q frog In 1t.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-06-26
Accessibility.

The hoilyhocks bloom By the fence,
In everybody's reach.
If they were scarce they would cose
At least dollar each.
W ashin1ton Star.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-06-26
Confeasiou,

- "Do you make much out of your lit
erary work? ?'' asked the inQuisitive per
son.
EYES," geplied the man who scrib-
bles occasionally, much more out Of
1t than I do in it."
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-06-26
Hint That Failed.

do you believe that two can live an
cheap as oneT asked Miss Willing.
EYES," replied young Wiserly. "But
I prefer peace at any price"
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-06-26
Axoit,sd Profanity.

.rYour blank verse;" began the ed
ttor.
"Biank verseT' the poet interrupted.
"Why do you call 1t blank verse when
t."
Because it's against my principles
to use a stronger term."-Philadelphi
Press.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-06-26
r.s Crowd Will Scar It.

First School Girls Miss Highgrade
going to read a poem at the commence
ments
Second School Giri-No; she's going
To wear one.-Baltimore American
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-06-26
An Euehu.i..tic Parent.

Bobby-Ma-
Ma-What's It, Bobby?
Bobby-Pa hollers SO loud at base
ball at he makes my headache.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-06-26
womau,s Way.

She-Time will heal the wound I've
made in your heart
He-Yes; but you'll be mad at me II
It does.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-06-26
HAr AnAc{nI'

Her Speciality.
He (at the reception}-And you Meth
or sing nor play?
She-No.
He-Then I suppose you either read
or paint?
She-No; my speciality Is giving imi-
tations of the society young man.
He-How's that?
She-I merely sit around and try to
look intelligent.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-06-26
Caught ON the Rebound.

Husband-I am sorry to say. my
dear, that you can't make pies like
mother used to make.
Wife-No, I suppose not. II I re-
member correctly, your father died OF
Indigestion.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-06-26

All men are anxious for fame, but
some win accept money as substi-
tuta.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-06-26
Scale. Make the Weight.

"Only q dime. kind sir; I'm starv-
mgr
"Why, / gave you a quarter only ten
minutes ago"
Eyes. but that's to tip the waiter
with"
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-06-26

Just 30.
"She's quite an expert In her line"
"Got her business at her fingers
ends, ehr
"No, at the ends Of other peoples
fingers; she's q manicurist.-Phila-
delphiA Press.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-06-26
why He PRAYED.

Rodrick-Yes, our minister prayed
for rain. r.-
Van Albert-Was there a drought
Rodrick-No, but he knew II it rain
ed Sunday people would not play golf.
He likes a big congregation.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1903-10-15
Here's New "Drink" Cure.

A novel remedy for the drink hab-
it--or, rather. for enabling those
who have Sworn Off TO remain
"on the water cart'-consists of ice
water drunk through a raw potato,
Take bowl of ice water and a pota-
to. Peel the potato and cut down one
end of it until it can be easily inaert-
ed in the mouth. Dip the potato il
the ice water and suck it every time
craving for strong drink comes on.
1t is claimed that this treatment will
effect an absolute cure. The why and
the wherefore are not stated, but the
process is such simple one that
there can be no harm in trying it If
any one is afflicted with a thirst
which they really and truly desire to
lose.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1903-10-15
What the Marriage Was Worth.

A little "roup was discussing mar
riage fees. when one Of them related
the following story: "A young couple
called or minister knew. said he,
"and We're married. When it was
over the new-maue husband said: 1
am sor.y, but have only 81 with NE
and We need that TO get home with
That's AL right, said the minister.
You come around in one year and
give me whatever the job seems
worth to you The groom said he
would do 1t. and they went away.
Did he ever show up?" Yes, he
came back in year and insisted that
the minister pay him S."
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1903-10-15
Money to
LOdn...

Upon Improved res' estst. in a.v ,rn,.
Wanted, houses to rent, ane nous..
for rent.
Real estate bought, sold or exchano.
cd. Apply
cAAs.. HAYcocK,
2ee ". 20 ~ve,s : s.orr,s Block.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1903-10-15
Od0 Uure for Rabies.

Hydrophobia is treated in highly
original manner by Chinese doctors.
Two sandstone bottles half-flled with
wine or spirit are heated until the
LIQUID boils. The contents are then
emptied and the redhot mouth of the
bottle is applied to the bite and held
there until it is filed with blood when
the same process is gone through with
The other bottle. A decoction is made
Of glutinous rice, called kian-mi-ou-lou,
in which seven cantharides are boiled.
The flies are taken out and the rice
is given to the patient, who is kept
quiet. The celestials have no less than
sixteen kinds of cough-the cough
from cold, damp, heat, grief anger,
fatigue, indigestion. the obstinate
cough, the night cough being among
hem. Before 4 limb is ampntated
the Der is dried up by exposure to
he sup
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1903-10-15
TIE OUTLOOK FOR AUTHORS
Really Good Writers Need Not Fear
Discrimination.

The rush CT tie crowd to read a
book which may nave no literary merit
Or vitality. ei;5c, of material or OF
pIeseL tatien, simply because it is
TALKED about is never wholesome. and
If the crowd has grown more critical
and cIear-minded in its judgments,
and has ceased 70 move upon SUD-. Ill
impulses aEG !~&r..ed to decide for
Itself the loss VII AL, not on wrf ers
Of real merit. Hl.t On a few whose re-
wards were generally beyond their
deserts. The average OF literary work
in this country in many departments
is high. If great books are not pro
duced in large numbers, good books
are produced in very considerable
mum bers. and in soundness Ct knoWi-
edge. III good taste and literary work
manship q great advance is evident
over the work of an earlier generation
It is a period Of quiet progress. time
of prepare ton rather than time OF
accomplishment.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1903-10-15

required .hese accOuats TO be repc,teC
to congress, fo. ;ncy could he 81 j lily
by the necessary arprop .:a.ion in de-
ficiency appropriation oIlls. Tc dsfra-
this second law Of Congress aud tu "Ipe
out the rights of more than 10000
American citizens the ..elnhfat II sal
airy allowances division, in te name
of the postmaster general, hit upon the
eXpedient of suppressing the only at-
counts ordered by the statute anI Ie-
full. In other words this now npto-
rious division deliberately proceede I
to rob thousands of postmasters CT
from 10 to 80 per cent of their salaries
by substituting smaller salaries for
those ordered paid by acts of 1866 and
1888.
The department has lately issued a
circular with "A. p" indorsed on It
(supposed to belong to the salary and
allowances division), which shows that
mighty effort is still on foot to hold
on to the $4,0OO,o0O by means OF keep
ing the accounts concealed which the
statute of 1883 orders reported. The
order to report these accounts Is
pending before the senate committee
on postoffices and post roads.
The claims range in amount from
few dollars to 81. 500 each. AS neither
the senate committee nor the senate
as a whole is in favor OF converting
nostmasters' salaries into department
graft" bv usurpation of executive
mower in the postal department anu
the suppression of public accounts or
dered reported by statute, there IS
some reason to expect that the order
for the repcrt= of these accounts VIII
become effective and the former post
masters come into their own after nav
ing their hopes frustrated for years
by official insolence end skulldug8efy.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1903-10-15
STATlSTlCS OF NIGHT HERONS
They Are Sought by the Smithsonian
Institution.

Eight hundred night herons are wan
defing free about the United States,
each wearinG OF one leg an aluminium
band inscrl5,... Smithsonian Institu-
ton ard number. II any person
shoots one OF these birds he should
write to Paul Bartsch, biologist Of the
Smithsonian telling where it was and
how large VAS tie tird. The night
heron is one Of the most beautiful
of the a"uatic birds of America, but
scientists know less about it than they
are satisfied with. Last year Mr..
Bartscn discovered several breeding
places OF these birds on the Potomac
in the District of Columbia. Recently
he visited the place With several as
sistaats III lie night and the 500
aluminium bands We're fastened to the
legs of a. nay yGl:4555 :-tFOEs. Science
is anxious to know how long the night
,leron lives. where ii spends the win
ters and how much of the country it
covers in its waEderings. 1t is be-
lieved that by the time a few Of the
numbered aluminium bands have been
reported some of these facts will have
been established to the satisfaction OF
the ornith ologists. = Cleveland lO)
Plain Dealer.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1903-10-15
IT IS A PARASITE.
That Causes itching Scalp, Dandruff,
ard Finally, Falling Hair.

The itching scalp, the falling tair
and the iandrIff that annoys are the
work CT parasite hidden in the scalp.
That parasite NEST be kiilea to cure
4anlruH, and the onl., PREPARATION that
VIII DO that IS NewE,os HerpioiGe.
"Destro" the cause, you remove the
effect
C. II. Reed of Victor, Idaro. says:
Myself and Wife had danGruff and
falling h2i' several years. Two Dot
ties OF NeNbro's He1pic,de completely
cured Is after several other prepara-
ti5i.s hat failel 10 do aood. Manes
ha:.' grow glossy ana soft as silk. Hun
dreds OF ot,.eT testimonials just as
strong. Sos0 3y leading druggists
Send zoe in stamps for sample 10 The
Eerpicide Co, Detroi'. Mich. l., b
Coon, special agent.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1903-10-15

Though the Little Rock papers claim
the election of Gen. T. J. Churehlll
as the next state commander of the
u. c. S. the many friends CT Gen. N.
+. Roaelps of Pine Bluff and other por-
tons of the state claim that he has a
sufficient number of delegates from the
camps to. at least, give him a fighting
chance for the place. The l:icaas OF
Gen. Roberts say they do not under
stand upon what grounds the Little
Rock papers base their assertions, as
40 candidate has enough instructed
votes to WIN.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1903-10-15
Got It.

At the close of the third act the
gifted tragedian was called before the
curtain. My friends" he said, ap.
parently much astonished and embar.
rassed, your kindness overwhelmo
me. have striven conscientiously to
win your approval. but I was not pre-.
pared for SO magnificent . welcome
and in the surprise OF the moment I
find myself utterly-I hesitate for
want OF a suitable word-' "Rats!"
shouted gallery hoodlum.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1903-10-15
Will Be Credit to America.

Eugene n. Lehman, the young Col
orado college student, the first Amer
ican to be awarded Rhodes scholar
ship at Oxford. worked his way
through Yale, where he got employ
ment as tutor at 81 day and
wheeled an invalid in her chair for Is
cents an hour His credentials
showed higher percentage than
those submitted by twenty other stu
dents.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1903-10-15

Discussing senseless social functions
at the White House the PittSbUf& t'a-
zette says ghat the frequency VII 4:
which dangeroHs cranks seek TO ga!,.
access to The president should cut az
end for all time to those senseless pub
lie receptions at which the president is
eX2ectea to stand uU and let hundreds
of people in and shake his hand.
This degenerate survival of the royal
leyee has long been an outrageous null
sance. 1t has been used as an ad"ef-
Using card for Washington excursion
business, and parties of tourists have
been taken 10 the receptions by guide
nd nut in line to shake hands with
the president Our president is not q
.,lng or a show piece Of any kind, but
a republican magistrate, With import
ant public business to attend to, and
nobody ought to have access to him
for the qualification of idle curiosity.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1903-10-15
TIE JOKE OF A KING.
Historic Hoax Perpetrated by Gusta-
vus III. OF Sweden

vuS III. OF Sweden.
King Gnstavus III. of Sweden had
been frequently invited to the little
court of SchWerin. In 1883 he paid a
visit to Germany and as soon as the
duchess of Mecklenburg heard of his
approach she prepared fetes in his
honor But Gustavus, who disdained
The petty courts of the small rulers,
sent two of his attendants-a page
named Peyron. and Desvouges. a valet
who had formerly been an actor-to be
entertained by the duchess The two
personated the king and his minister,
Baron Spare. and sustained the char
acters throughout. They accepted as
iaeir due all the homage meant for
their master, danced With the Mecklen-
burg ladies who were presented to
them, and Peyron went SO far as to
ask one of the ladies for her portrait.
eantime Gustavus was enjoying him
elf elsewhere Ia secret.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1903-10-15
camnitz DAY, OCTOBER IS.

camnitZ DAY, OCIOBER 10.
)oughert.
ns in Wv OF the malfeas-
Wright ance hat has lesert'y
Borland been exposed in .he post
ohaner Hce department at Wash
".''@'0 is preraTed to believe
Hines :. +hat may be charged
Rrady .4sg1lch OF the public
Eubanks, therefore not surprising
Harley .3oing mentioned branch
"a A'n'o amens should retain pos
n,oo,, s4,o00,000 belonging to
Mands w0o Sc fved terms between
Vernu4, and buly !, 1874. The
Welnf~-hich khis has been accom-
wv in keeping with the
Tyner, Beavers and
Holm now under charges
Britenstein at.
Wheeler of July 1, 1864, en-
bos'o S throughout the
,,:. e, same compensa-
pevnolds # salaries they had
Sample from box rents and
killlan ..many instances the
Walters more per cent. less
ne ., A from commissions.
pl paaer IS passedin 1866 giving
Sentell who thus suffered in
Gilbreatmount of the box rents
moore S during the term, mi
mt salary paid. Tyner,
neral who recently as as
TOBY general of the depart
port nmarily dismissed, years
man er part Oh the postmast-
swa" ed to the chairman of
DoL littee on postoffices and
ter Fo action was ever TAX
Guese. h the law of 1866, and
chical o the press for this
III ~ congress in the law
The
savehe postmaster general
Powell e necessary informa-
been blu ct. Yet. at the very
ed over this statement. just
ioe " the corridor in open
for ssooelver for the infor-
maid dove ppartment official,
$500. ed the box rents and
I'd the salary paid eacn
ostmaster in each anu
ster general in 1882 re-
team
hold ess in effect that by is-
vou of 1866 not less than
a vriav ordorc1 maid had
siesa'ill Of u !, .,aca,tmcnt
N and, furthermore, that
Hin pending for an act to
ries in compliance with
1853 became law not less
ommittee on postoffices and
an.l into law March 3. l";3
ed the salaries to be paid to
attled thereto. required ac-
tbe made in each case of the
if fox rent and conm:ssi.rs
10y the postmaster in ea.a
nj sred paid by the act OF 1860
Uwing amount Of additional
ordered paid jy he act "f 'Se6
orde":d pa,o by act of 1888. It
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1903-08-06
FEDERAL GEsHIP MAY
BE GIVEN w. A. NORTHCOTT

Head Consul \. Il. Talbot. of the
Modern Woodmen. is being quoted in
some quarters as having said that
Lieut.. GOV. W. \. Northcott. who re
Gently retired from the leadership of
the order. is expected to receive in a
very short time Il federal appointment
which will take him away from the
society in the capacity of past head
consul to which he was appointed
since the last head camp. While Mr..
Talbot does not say what the federal
appointment may it, it is understood
here that Gov. Northcott has lines out
for a federal judgship and that the
prospects are good that he will land
it. 1t is not understood that should
he do so il will i'm any manner prevent
him from filling the position of past
head consul or from writing his pro-
posed history of WoodcTaft.
There is some disposition to cTiti-
else the board of directors for APP
pointing a past head consul, but the
present head consul defends the act.
saying that it was fully authorized at
the head camp at indianapolis and
that the services of Mr.. Northcott in
his new Office will be of vastly more
value to the society than the salary
of 1000 a year that he will draw.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1903-08-06
.BUCKALEW WAS BEATEN
AND PUT OUT OF SALOON

William DunaNin, proprietor of the
saloon at Twelfth street and Fifth
avenue, was fined So and costs this
morning by Magistrate johnson on a
charge of assault and battery His
arrest was occasioned by the eject
mcnt from the saloon of John Bucka-
lew. whom the proprietor claims was
raising disturbance. The trouble
started yesterday afternoon over Il
dice game. Several others were i'm the
saloon at the time and a general me-
lee seems to have ensucd. Dunavin
was determined to have no disorder
in his place and hustled TN. other man
out. but so forcibly that the Iatter's
optics were bruised to a painful cX-
tent. The injured man rushed to the
station with his face and shirt front
covered with blood. He claimed to
have been set upon by Dunavin and
two others and that they pun
meled him most numerically. 4 war
rant was sworn out and served shortly
afterward. y warrant was made out
against Buckalew on Il similar charge.
BY an inadvcrtent switching of
names +. Weinrott. of go Thirteenth
street, was placed in a wrong light i'm
connection with police court items.
He was the complainant in the
case mentioned and Clement Val
entine was the man fined.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1903-08-06
WEIGHMASTERS' WORK
NOT EXCEPTIONALLY HEAVY

There is Il disposition among those
who are familiar with the circum-
stances to wonder what WcighmastSr
Simon Goldberg sees 50 arduous about
the duties of his Office that he feels
called upon to ask the city council
for an advance in the remuneration.
At the Monday evenings meeting of
the council. ii will be recalled. he pre-
scented Il communication n which he
said that he found the duties 50 many
and so OnerOuS that he was conStrain-
ed to hire an assistant a portion of
the time Therefore he thought n
salary of about $50 month ought to
be attached instead of paying the
weighmaster at the rate Of ~ cents
per load weighed. as i done now.
Mr.. Goldberg has an assistant most
of the time. but he Is not on hand
when his assistant i on duty. The
average number of loads weighed per
day since Mr.. Goldberg took the posi-
tiou has been less than seven. ac-
CordiHg to those who claim to know,
and surely any fairly active person
ought to bc able To handle the work
AT that rate. To be sure, the pay i
not very heavy at the present time,
and there might be some reason for
increasing il on the grounds that
there is not a living in it. However,
the business is much heavier i'm the
fall and winter and the rate paid now
* not altogether unreasonable. taking
the whole wear through.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1903-08-06
ARRANGEMENTS ALL MADE
FOR RYAN-FLAHERTY MILL

The press agent for the principals
in the boxing mill that was annouuc-
ed some time ago as To he pulled off
on the river below this city next Sun
day. Aug. 9, is busy and the announce
ment is given out that al arrange
ments are now complete. The prin-
cipals will he Adam Ryan. of Chicago.
and Joe Flaherty. Of Lowell. Mass.
The Sioux City man is not in it. Flah-
erty is now in Davenport in training
and Ryan is to arrive from Chicago
tomorrow.
1t is given out that boat and
barge have been chartered and that
they will leave here about ? o'clock
and proceed to some point which is
not given out, and the mill will be
pulled off. Both the principals have
appeared here in the past and if the
arrangements are on the square there
ought to be hard and fast battle.