The Bamberg herald. [volume] (Bamberg, S.C.) 1891-1972, 1903-08-13
INETEEN, twenty. twenty
one" ssid the bald-headed
man. "Twenty-one name
sakes I've got to look after
when birthdays come
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{& &i when birthdays come
round. What q confound-
edIy inconvenient thing it is to be
popular"
"You bet it is," said the man with the
red mustache. Il never experienced
any inconvenience on that score my
self, but 1 know other folks who have.
I know one fellow who was sent to jail
on account of his popularity"
The bald-headed man ceased hgur-
ing. "Dear mer' he said, weakly.
Eyes, sir" repeated the man with
the red mussache. ''he was sent to jail.
He just got out last week. l am
glad te is out. Joe is a mighty good
fellow. Good fellows are scarce these
days, and it is a shame to keep one
of them shut up in Jail. never saw
such popular fellow as Joe used to
be. He was one Of the kind that peo-
pie name their babies after, and that
is the very top notch OF popularity.
'.His friend, Tom Curtis, began the
business. Tom clerks in a Nassau
street bank. He is no end of good
fellow, and he and Joe often used to
take luncheon together. One day,
when Joe went into the bank at neon
time, he found Tom with his face
spread out in one solid grin.
"'Hello,' said joe what's the
racket?
".A boy said Tom. Arrived last
night, and just guess, you old scala
wag, what We are going to call him!
"Joe wasn't bit stuck on himself in
those days, and he never tumbled to
the real situation. Can't do it, said
he.
"'We're going said Tom, to call
him after the bravest, the kindest, the
most affable gentleman in the world
'Joe thought he saw a light. 'Ah!
said he. Teddy, eh? Teddy R.?
".Not on your life,' said Tom. we
are going to call him Joseph Webster
"Joe was new to that sort Of flattery,
and it pleased him immensely. He
steered Tom into q more expensive
restaurant than they usually patron
lied, and then both had more than
was good for them. While in that
surcharged state Joe made the mistake
of his life.
"'Tom,' said he, I am coming up to
see that boy Of yours, and 1 am going
to do the handsome thing by him.
"Tom eyed Joe through mist of real
tears. 4 knew you would he said,
'and my wife said she knew you would.
When I mentioned Joseph Webster to
her this morning as a possible handle
for the kid she said she was agreed,
because you were just the kind to DO
the square thing by your namesake.
It is q pleasure to learn, Joseph, that
we were not mistaken in our estimate
of your character
"Joe lived up to his reputation gal
1antly. He did more than the square
thing by young Curtis. He gave him
q present Of $100 on the day of the
christening. That was Joe's undoing.
Toms wife had the habit of telling
everything she knew; SO Of course she
told that. In less than week all
Joe's friends as far away as the re-
motest edges Of Brooklyn and Staten
Island knew about that present. With
in six months every fellow with whom
Joe had ever swapped cigar or
yarn seemed to have been blessed with
new boy and had named him Joseph
Webster. The worst Of it was, every
one of these happy fathers expected
christening Offering of 500. The first
half dozen got it. but after that Joe had
to cut down expenses. First, he re-
duced the amount to $50. then to $50.
and finally to $40. That made the
mothers Of the late comers mad. They
called Joe stingy and said they would
not have burdened their babies with
such an ugly name as Joseph Webster
If they had known that was all they
were going to get out Of 1t.
''Joe thought, when he dropped to the
five-dolfar mark, that his friends would
stop adding Joseph Websters to the
City Directory, but they kept up their
Internal christening parties till they
found he was dead broke. It took
just two years to break him. When
people began paying their respects to
him in that expensive way he had
about $1,000 that his grandfather had
left him and nice little business that
cleared him an income of more than a
thousand a year. His namesakes de-
voured 1t all-interest and principal
alike. Finally, he closed up shop, and
with the proceeds derived from cash
sale of the stock on hand he started
q little combination stationery, tobac-
co, confectionery and delicatessen
store up on Sixty-fourth street. When
he moved into that store Joe cut loose
from all his old associates. His wife
went with him, and aside from her he
hoped never to see any one whom
he had known in his days of affluence.
1t would have been better if he could
have left her behind, too, but that was
not convenient. She put bad notions
into Joe's head.
"I think said she. that we shall
drum up a pretty fair trade in this
neighborhood if you can only make
yourself popular
"For the first time in his life Joe
threw hard words at the partner of his
joys. Popular said he. Good heav-
ems, 1 don't want to be popular. I've
been popular long enough. l want to
make people hate me, and if 1 cain
devise any way to accomplish that
purpose 1 shall set about doing it at
once
"Tn that case said his wife, you
will not sell anything, and we shall
starye to DEATH