The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1903-07-09
HACKALIAH
BASCOM'S LUCK
bsNHY UNCLE DAVID BECKEN-
W DARTER' brother-in-iaw,

IH ID y * T. Ii > DfoIheF-lh-id",
Hat kaliah Bascom, was the unluckiest
man. s'pose, that ever lived" said the
man who persisted that he is entitled
to be believed when he says he lives
over toward Pochuck, as he leaned
against the wall facing the Rowland
house cash register Then. again,
you might say he was the luckiest man
that ever lived. There are two sides
to every question, ard it's poor rule
that won't work both ways"
The manipulation of the cash regis
ter was compromising a cocktail for
stranger who came in, and said he had
been all night at Goshen. The stranger
quaifed his tipple, and went out.
"a cocktail" said the man from
over toward Pochucll, "was something
that my Uncle David Beckendarter's
brother in-law, Hackaliah Bascom,
never would drink.
"'Give me mine straight he used to
say, and then if l fall by the way |
amt goin' to git mad and abuse the
bartender, and lay it to too much
sugar. a squirt more bitters than there
ought a-been, or the lemon that was
squeezed in it, he used to say.
"Hackaliah was a philosopher, but I
think he carried his philosophy little
too far as to the matter of what he
took to drink. Now, l amt particular
whether mine is a cocktail or dead
straight"
The man from Pockhuck paused.
The manipulation of the cash register
was busy fixing his necktie at the MIR
Tor among the glassware. No one re-
marked anything. The Pochuck cit
izen sighed, sat down, cracked a couple
of fingers on bc$h hands, and said:
Eyes. Hackaliah Bascom was the
IucIiest and thu unluckiest man that
ever lived. lis vas always havin' mar
row escapes Until year ago. He
hadn't whole bone in his body when
he died-for Hackaliah is dead, and
I'm feelin' mighty bad about it-and
as TO scars, he'd have made good twin
brother TO the tattooed man in the side
show.
CAS- soon as Hackaliah Bascom went
anywhere near a railroad an ingine
would blow up and give him a clip, or
he'd git run over, or his horse would
git scared and run away, and break
leg or somethin' for him.
"Once he was ridin' on an express
train. goin' up the mountain, over
in Pennsylvania, near where he lived
The train hadn't gone far before Hack
allah got it into his head that he'd 90
back in the hind car. He walked out
of the door, and square off the plat
form. He was in the hind car all the
time, and didn't know it.
"IIe tumbled around on the track in
the wake of the train for about quar-
ter of mile. and was cut and slashed
and scraped in a way that would have
filled a peddler of arnica plaster with
JOY. HackaIiah picked himself up by
and by, and started N his way afoot.
He had walked pretty near all the
way 10 his station. when along came
the emigrant train, going his way.
The cowca tcher Of the ingine lifted
Hackaliah up and pitched him ag'inst
tie bank as if he'd been shot out of a
40-pounder. The ingine didn't seem
to mind the shock-a bit, but went right
on as if nothin' had happened.
"The en3igrant trains in them days
was more than half mile long. Hack
allah Bascom had plenty o. time to
consider What was best for him to do.
He felt Somethin' like a piece G meat
might feel after it had passed through
a sassaga machine.
""Ihere's one thing certain, says
Hackaliah; 7 amt going o lay ere all
night, and I'm blisterod If fee much
like waliin' any further | guess I'll
ride the rest o. the-way on the emil
grant says he.
asa lie iae lled himself up till he got
on hts feet. The train was goin' 20
mila an hour. When the hind car
came along HackaIiah Bascom made 9
grab for It. He ketched it and got on
Jest as sure assure is you're DRAWN
beer for tibet Teller, who is seemin'ly as
dry as If he'd been talllin' for the last
Is minutes, and nobody hadn't said
nothin'"
beer 90; it and went out again The
manipulation of the cash register whis
tied: I'm a Jonah Man." with a far
away ool. in his eyes. The man from
toward Pochucb cracked some more
fingers and resumed.
"Hackaliah lletched that hind car
said he, "and got on to the train as
slick as straddlin' a sawbuck. | for
git how many stitches the doctor tool
in him when he got home, but Uncle
David Beckendarter says they had tc
send to the county seat after more
thread.
"Then there was the time Hackalial
had the big runaway accident. Ht
was watering his horses, and stood
right in front of 'em. Some boy OF
other sot off a firecracker, and ava,
the team started.
'The old man Hackaliah wal