Pike County press. (Milford, Pa.) 1895-1925, 1903-06-12

"Got anything to eat in The houseW in
quired Mr.. Jobson oil Mrs Johson when
they arrived home at midnight from tn,
theater the other night. "Im hungry--and
besides, / want something TO take the taste
Of that show out Of my mouth.
Now, you know, my dear Mrs Johson
began to argue, "that you cannot eat al
night. Every time you try it YOU have o
bad time Of it, don't your Don't you he
member the last time, when you had to sii
up half the night with dyspepsia, and yot
swore then"
who sat up half night or one-millionth
part OF a night on account of partaling ol
a little wholesome foodw demanded Mr.
Jobson ''Meg That's another one Of those
dreams Of yours. I've got a stomach like an
ostrich, and you know it Before I ever
saw or heard Of you used to eat big
Welsh rabbit every night Of my life just
before turning in, and
"But," interposed Mrs Jobson with
smile, YOU must remember that that was
a good many years ago, when you were
good deal younger than you are now and
as we grow older We"
Look a-here, madam" cut in Mr.. job
son, "I'm becoming mighty tired of these
incessant cracks of yours about my age,
You're running them in too often. I'm not
in my dotage by a whole houseiull, yet
/ want you to understand, and ii l wanted
to ], too, could mention some people who
are not getting any more spring chickenish
as the years glide on. Im not worried
any about my age, and you needn't let it
keep you awake o. nights. A womans az
old as she looks and mans as old as he
feels, and, according 10 that MAXIM
tsnfalt hon.
hood has got much on me when it comes tc
the age business. But you can't switch me
that way from what ] asked You, namely
what have you got in the house that is
good to eat?"
"Wen," said Mrs. Jobson, with a ruelul
expression. thinking to scare him off,
there's some cheese, and some cold corned
beef. and some picked pigs feet-but, OF
course, YOU could never in the wide world
eat such things at this hour Of the night
But there's an unopened quart Of milk and
some graham waters, and"
"Oh, there are, hey?' interrupted Mr.,
Jobson "Well you can have the milk and
the graham waters if you long for that in
sipid kind of sustenanee. The pigs feet
and the cheese and the cold corned beet
will just about hit the spot with me. Don't
you let the idea run away with you that
I'm too old to eat any old thing that comes
my way at any hour of the day or night
when I've got my habits on, and I'm hun.
CRY enough right at this minute TO eat a
burro stuffed with frecrackers."
"My dear" mildly said Mrs Jobson, TAX
ing her last stand, don't you remember
that the last time you ate heavy food at
night il brought on a bilious attack that
kept you in bed for a week, and you de
clared then that never while you lived
would you"
Gan that must have happened with one ol
your husbands in a previous Feincarnation
madam" severely put in Mr.. Jobson, "and
! wish you wouldn't keep me standing here
| talking all night. / suppose you'll grant
| that I'm entitled to get something to cal
/ in my own house any time l want it, won'i
/ you? Just you spread a couple o. napkins
| if you please, and trot out that stuff thai
| you've got tucked away in the ice box, anC
! I'll give you a correct imitation Of an aged
/ and decrepit man, as you appear 20 regarC
me, with hod-earrier's appetite
''But if you would only take something
| light" ventured Mrs. Jobson.
For reply Mr. Jobson emitted a snort anC
bounded for the basement stairway.
"Well,' he growled as he went down Oh,
stairs, "since you positively and finally de
cline to give me a little nourishment, II
see what / can do myself toward"
He didn't have to finish the sentence, be
cause Mrs Jobson was right after him
| Il didn't take her long to rig up the tabl'
for a luncheon, and Mr.. Jobson looked wolf
ish while she went about the prepara tions
'I want coffee, too" he declared hungrily
and she proceeded to make coffee for him
Ten minutes after they descended to tn
basement Mr.. Jobson was RECALLING himsel
with picked pigs feet, several large slabs o
cold corned beef of which he made sand
wiches, using cold biscuit left from break
fast for the purpose, topping of with
couple Of large cheese sandwiches and thel
a huge piece Of cold lemon meringue pi
that had been left from dinner, with coffee
"This sure makes hit with me- this littl
feed, commented Mr.. Jobson during hi
lepast-Mrs Jobson confined herself to tn
milk and graham waters. 81 haven't bee
so hungry since learned how TO eat-neve
knew anything to taste SO good as this stuff
| either. Dyspepsia, nothing! Nobody get
dyspepsia eating plain, wholesome faod lik
this-it's only when folks proceed to get ga
with their stomachs and devour all sorts c
fancy truck that they suffer with dyspeI
sia. III bet you the incest hat thai you ca
buy for money that III sleep like a to
tonight, Just because l haven't been in
beetle enough TO agree to your propositio
that ! stink off to bed in famished state.
1t was about o'clock before the Jobson
got to bed, and Mr. Jobson was still smacl
ing his lips and talking about how good th
"feed" had tasted. when he made a bee
line for the bed with his eye and turned o
the gas.
He fell off to sleep after short tim,
but after about half an hour or so tn
wakeful and expectant Mrs Jobson notice
that he began to toss and moan in hi
sleep. and then she knew that she was
for IT, A little before o'clock Mr. Jobso
awoke from a nightmare with a howl an
sat up in bed gasping
Get me some baking soda" " he muttere
10 a choked tone, bending forward in be
and eroauing miseraby. "And heat SON
water for the hot water bag-Ive bee
poisoned"
Mrs. Jobson slipped on a wrapper an
hustled down to the kitchen for II
baking soda and put on a kettle Of b,
water Then she hunted up a mustar
plaster and applied it TO Mr. Jobson whei
be felt the worst. She didn't say anythir
to him about what he bad eaten until, aft
about two hours hard work, she had r
lieved him of bis pains. Then the woman
instructive fondness for the 'I-told-you-sC
reproach overcame her, and she said to bin
'You know ] warned you when you
sisted upon eating an Of that heavy fot
at such an hour Of the night that"
Madam" said Mr.. Jobson, sepl
chrally, sitting up in the bed and glarii
at her, "if am able to get out Of this bs
at daylight and if it's the last thing that
ever do in my life, I'm going 20 take q ST
cimen Of those pigs feet to a chemist frier