The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1903-09-05
TIE PIkERs, LAMENT.
TOMMY YACHTsMAN.

!
/ If at first you don't succeed,
Then try and try again;
! Such was Tommy Lipton's creed
! That prince Of Irishmen.
/ Sir Thomas would not count the cost,
Three times the ocean he has crossed.
| Three times he's tried and three times
lost.
Ana win If he tries ten,
Sir Thomas. come at least once more,
You know you'll surely vim
Come often 10 the Yankee shore
And see old Sam'l grin.
Be sure old Sam will never shrink,
He from that cup will always drink,
He'll hold it always or he'll sink,
To lose 1t were a sin.
What! Britain build the better yacht?
The Bullies beat the Yanks?
We like to hear such Tommy-rot.
We owe Sir Tommy thanks.
Sir Thomas was a jolly fool,
But he has learned In Samuei's school
To save his money and keep cool,
And quit his costly FRANKS
MARION.
J. .(o)..i-
One Wichita man has so much conf
dence in his wife's Judgment that he al
lows her to buy the eantaioupes.
:,.O-0..:
Did you hear of the accident to Miss
-?' asked North Topeka avenue
girl of her friend.
Ne; what happened?"
she was injured internally"
How
Overheard a neighbor declare she had
more brains than beauty, which caused
her mind TO swell"
e..--0
1t is feared that Jim Jenries and Jack
Monroe chose too early a date in Octo-
her IL This will give them only five
others lights out.
--lHsA@n%(-
1t is pathetic. The Shamrock's crew
couldn't even steer her around home.
xxx
Papa what is magnet" asked
South Emporia lad at supper last night.
You mean magnate. my son. He is a
man who has accumulated great deal of
money
NO, I mean ma gnet, but it must mean
the same thing, as the book says it at
tracts metal to itself"
Id. Ii
Ashland Clipper: Let Sir Thomas Lip
ton drink out of jug. like the rest of US.
:-t-)-;
II is NOW SAID that the W. c. T. U.
is the only American organiza ton that re-
grets that the cup has not been banished
from America.
Now, really. would you have cared II
Upton had gotten the cup?
& q
A Pratt woman saw a drunken man
on the street one day this week, and she
says that is the first drunken man she
has ever seen In that city. and she has
lived there for fifteen years. 1t is NO
TORIOUS that a drunken man always
thinks everybody else drunk, AND why
shouldn't this nice. sober Pratt woman
think everybody else sober?
-:-:-:-:-
Sedgwick Pantagraph: 7 There is hope
for the Sedgwick ball team yet. A
Wichita team went up to Mt. Hope Sat
urday and were shut out, 80 TO 0. Sedg-
wick hasn't done anything equal to that
:-C|-.
Amt this funny? Yesterday the
weather man turned out his report for
Thursday and his prediction for today,
and he says that it will be fair and cooler
Saturday. Now. it has been some six
months since the weather bird heard that
expression from the weather man, and the
bird just thinks maybe the weather man
struck the wrong keys on his typewriter
and wrote cooler instead of warmer
This is rather funny buSlneSS-far
weather and cold weather all at once.
Maybe the weather bird forgot that he
heard the screech owl six weeks ago,
instead of Thursday evening. and 1t Will
frost tonight. Hope not. The weather
bird has a watermelon patch and the
melons are just getting large enough to
eat, and he does not want IL TO frost for
about two months and kill those vines.
The watermelon crop is late this year,
and here's hoping that no frost APP
pears II the weather bird could catch
that screech owl he would pick its eyes
out and decapitate his head off docs any
one know what that meansO and keep
the ugly old bird from making predic-
lions of frosty weather before those
watermeons get ripe.
BY EAGLES EXPERT WEATHER
DECIPHERER.
The Reliance is a good yacht. but a
RACE didn't materialize and sports were
defrauded of their promised pleasure. 1t
was simply impossible to bet.
..&)-(&)..