The Saint Paul globe., 1903-11-01
inventor Had Bad Luck
I'm Transferring Diseases

hook worm disease and cowhide boots;
Sally Ann Barnes with. the yaller jan
derS and her umberel; young Pinkey
Plump with a belief that she was goin'
in decline, and she always had re-
proachful look, besides a whole lot of
others that Hez got from the horse
pitals, who had pretty much every
thing.
''Hez got 'ens connected up all right.
The skittisll, kickin' colt was to take
care of Bills hookworms; Sally AIMS
liver complaint was to go to a bald
faced COW; the dun colored mule was
to look out for the squire's gout; old
Mrs. Smiths rheumatism was to be
transferred to yearlin calf; Gran ther
Jones was wired to good, strong
young horse, and Pinkey Plump was
hooked up to a young heifer that had
her head in bushel of cornmeal and
had plenty else to live for. Well, sir
it was alla ready and Hez turned the
current on just the least bit for min
ute.
I kin feel my rheumatism a-goin,'
sang old Mrs. Smith
My liver pains is goin', too war
bled Sally Ann.
big Bill was lookin' uneasy and
actin some like he wanted to kick;
gran'ther quit shakin and even Pinkey
said life looked brighter. Then you
ought a seen how Hez was beamin' and
how interested them New Workers and
all the rest was.
"IIez walked around the big solinoid
and examined everything carefully. He
only found that Pinkey had stuck her
COB of chewin' gum on the buzzer cir
cult breaker when she come in, and he
had to shut down quick to git it Off and
prevent short -circuitin' the machine.
Right then Hez done the foolest thing
of his life. He got the fool notion that
he'd try the new switchboard he'd
made when he started up again, and
without saying a word, but lookin' as
important as he felt, he went and gath
cred up all them wires that had been
spread out wide on the floor SO they
couldn't possibly git crossed, an run
'em all through one hole in the back
of the switchboard. He got awful in
terested in the work of connectin' 'em
up, and forgot himself, forgot what he
was doin' and where he was at, and
pretty soon he yelled out to the hired
man, Turn her on full till I see she
don't spark any and is all right!' And
the hired, man she4done it,
"Oh, J-e-e-e-miny cousins! It was
awful! Every wire was crossed, and the
diseases in every one of them patients
times stronger on account of the sur
prise and suddenness! Bill got the
squires gout and kicked with the sore
toe at the first jump and you could a
heard him yell "a mile; Mrs. Smiths
changed her rheumatism for gram
theirs palsy, and Sally Ann got Pinkey's
belief for her liver, complaint. Pinkey
always had a little lookin' glass sewed
on her fan,7 and she saw herself at
once and knoWed what had happened
and flew mad In a minutaAk
Take yer old janders and give me
back my decline, she screamed, as she
clawed at Sally AIMS red hair. The
squire chad sarss Snaith pheumatiz and
was bellerin,, like "a. bull the hook
worms was dofn' business in gran'ther,
and the horsepital patients was mixed
up woEst ofeall,s andaall ll@was ye1lin' and
screamin' at the top Of their voices,
and fightin' among theirselves. They
only done it for few minutes though:
then they all turned on Hez. Big Bill
used the boot on the well foot; the
squire smashed with his cane; old Mrs.
Smith blazed away with both crutches;
Sally Ann welded her umbrel and the
others used the best they had. Hez
was cornered, and guess they'd have
killed him If he. hadn't dived into the
big solinofd where they could only
punch at him, and stayed there until
the police came in answer to riot call.
eve had to take Hez home on
feather bed, and he's felt bad ever
since, though he gifts some consolation
from knoWin' that he proved things
and could have cured them all if they
hadn't got so sudden wild. But the
best sign is that he has smashed the
blamed switchboard with an AK and
won't make. any more mistakes again"
Newark IN, j. News.
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