Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1903-01-07
y 9.,lhlksHEJ
ysszz'1@EE1N

| Never Goes Amiss: a woman never
hits what she aims at unless she
throws kiss.-Somerville (Mass)
Journal.
Gyer-Bald heads remind me of kind
words. Myer-W What's the answere
Gyer-They can never dye.-Chicago
Daily News.
He (cautiously)-What would you
say IL should ask you to be my wife?
She (more cautiously)-why don't you
ask me and find out.-Chicago News.
| The visitor-How is your baby?
Trained Nurse-First rate! He is get
ting so now can occasionally leave
him with his mother!-Harper's Ba-
Ear.
Your husband appears to be such
d thoughtful man." "Oh, he is! He
never forgets to caution me about
keeping down the household expenses"
Detroit Free Press.
Your uncle is very religious man,
understand" "Oh, yes, indeed! He
positively hates everybody who be-
longs to any other church chan his
own.'-Boston Transcript.
Their Cooks: "AIuggins-My cook
left because we refused to treat her
as one of the family. BugginsSSHIInmp
My cook expects to be treated MS COM
philadelphia Record.
Naturally: Rita-Why is Mr.. Kodak
so glum looking? Nitn-He and Flea
nor have just come out of the dark
room, where he had evidently devel-
oped Standardization Tiger.
Casey-Well, We can't prevint what's
past an gone. Cassidy-Shure, We
could nv We only acted quick enough.
Casey-How could ye? Cassidy
Shtop it before it happcns.-Tit-Bits.
Bunkoed Again: 81 don't think much
of this museum" said links; why.
they amt got no skull of Napoleon
Bonaparte, and the one was in, up
to New York, las two."-Baltimore
American.
Home Is Best: She-You didn't stay
long in London. He-No, couldn't
stand it. Over there, everybody knew
ME for an American right away. Here,
in New York, no one ever suspects it.
December Smart Set.
You say your pastor is introducing
novelties into the pulpit?' Alas, yes!
He has left the well-beaten paths Of
politics, society, finance and vice, and is
Introducing discourses on the Bible and
the New Testament."-Puck.
rs her social position an assured
one?" II should say so! Why, it's
( bounded on the north by two genera
j, tions of scandals: on the east by New
port; OH the south by ten millions; and
on the west by South Dakota."-Ex.
The Friendly Shadows of Night: Old
| Crusteigh-How did you dare, sir, to
kiss my daughter last night on the
dark piazza? Young Gayboy-Gad. now
that I've seen her by daylight I Won
der mysclf.-December Smart Set.
The professor laid his overcoat close
ly about him MS he walked down the
long, narrow passagcwny between the
two rows of split hogs hanging up in
the great packing house. 1.-THE aisles
of greaser' he MISUNDERSTANDING
Tribune.
'They had one of the strangest mar
riages recorded for long time" In
what respect "In every-rcspert.
Why, both parents on both sides were
present, there was nothing sudden or
secret about 1t and their own clergy
man performed the ceremony.'-Judge.
81 suppose you're trying to think up
a lie to tell your wife when you get
home" said the first clubman. No,
indeed" replied the other. I'm going
to tell her the truth" Surely you're
not?" 81 certainly am. because she's
sure not to believe Observation-Disclosures
Press.
| Grizzly Pete Geading)-It says here
a chap just shot the rapids of Niagara
in u barrel Buuco Bill-IIuh! Prob
erly crouched down low an shot out o
the bunghole; but them Rapids of
Niagara must be a powerful slow fam
lily to let chap plug 'em like that
Judge.
! But what will you do when all the
vermiform appendices shall have been
removed" The great surgeon smiled.
Il was reading only to-day" he said,
that the stomach may be taken out"
Without killing the patient?" How
funny you arew exclaimed the great
surgeon, and laughed ontright.-I.ife.
Missed Sale: ~ am selling n new
cyclopaedia,' began the well-dressed
man who had been ushered into the re-y
ception room on the strength of his
anp Tn, tnOi.
it?" .'Tain't no USE" replied Mrs.
Neurich; I'D break my neck il ever
attempted to ride one of them fool
/ things" Chicago Daily News
The Day After Thanksgiving: What
are the probabilities for Tomorrow"
asked the star boarder of the drug
clerk. who was looking over the paper.
The drug clerk turned to the weather
page, and, seemingly unconscious that
the landlady was behind him, lead:
FOR tomorrow and Saturday, hash,
followed by turkey soup and cro-
/ quotes. Judge.
Hints for an lnsomaniac: IL you
can't get to sleep, count three billions,
taking care to pronounce each number
SlOWIy uuu liStiuSliS. II 'tLiS uocS llOl
prove effective, get out of bed and
turn eighteen handspriHgs. Observe
proper regard for the uniformity of
the thing, and see that they are oil the
same size and velocity. If you stip
find you are unable to get into the
Land of Nod, take a walk around the
block, and then, if this means fails, go
and find a big man and tell him he lies.
He'll put YOU TO slccp.-Town Topics
| Ping-Pong.
AS. regards service, ping-pong is
about to have its rules radically alter
ed in England, and probably the same
rules will follow here. In future the
| server shall play the ball on to his