Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1903-03-18

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sure he's dead? Doctor-Positive. 3d
treated him myself.-Chlcago De-
| News.
Mamma-why, Bobbie! Cryi
the table? What Is the matter
(qulte sobby)-Thes four kin3scf Cas-
an I'm only hungry enough to eat two.
Brooklyn Life.
Positive Testimony: You needn't tell
me-" averred Miss Batchgurl, that
golf isn't good exercise. 1t makes the
| young men SO strong in the arms that
that you can scarcely breathe. CHS
cago Tribune.
She-You certainly wouldn't marry a
| girl for her money, would you? He
| OF course not. Neither would have
the heart to let her become an old
maid merely because she had money
Chicago Daily News.
Mrs. Aufalt-Now, Nora, be very
careful of this cut-glass punch-bowi.
1t cost mint of money. Norn-ln-
dade, mum! Well, its rale tough. Sure
an drapped 1t three times Already,
an niver faxed it.-Lffe
Trouble in Store: Young Husband Ito
wife)-Dldn't telegraph you not to
bring your mother with you? Young
Wlfe--1 know; that's what she wants
10 see you about. She read the tele-
gram!-St. Louis Mirror.
Entirely too particular: Terrence
with the hod)--Yer not workin'. Din
i ,,sn i1I,
Sure, OF fell off nine-stliory buildin'
Yesterday, mn OF got mad and quit.
Terrence-Aw. go on! Yer too sinsi-
tive.-Judge.
| Claribel-You told me you were
never going to write to young Hank
inson again. Anglc--He's written me
a dozen letters l haven't answered:
but in his last one he left page out.
and had to write and ask him what
1t was about Chicago Tribune.
No cause for suicide: Miss Dream
ier-When you stood on the brink OF
Niagara, and looked into the seething,
surging. unfathomahle depths below,
did you not feel that you would like
to jump in? Mr.. Tourier-No. hadn't
received by hotel bill then.-New York
Weekly.
Aids to Determinations: Doctor
James, did that lady in the waiting
room come in llersown coach or troll
ley car? Servant-Trolley car. sir!
Doctor-Thanks! / couldn't tell from
her dress whether to prescribe three
months at Newport or sulphur and
inolasses!-Puck.
Failure: II thought Spoonamore
was going to marry Miss Garlinghorn,
but see she has let him get away"
Yes; her father didn't appear to be
Mt all anxious for the match, and her
mother was a. little too anxious. She
lost him on account of bad team
work.-Chicago Tribune.
Fallen Off: A colonel of an infantry
regiment, while inspecting his COM
mand, happened to be thrown from his
horse, and, as he lay sprawlng OH the
ground, said to n brother officer, who
ran to his assistance: Il thought had
improved In Craftsmanship, but l find
have fallen off."-Illustrated Bits.
Trouble ahead: Weary WILHELM
gettin' little nervous about desc here
flying machines! Flooding Pete-Why
nervous? Weary Willie--Well, as soon
ms dey gifts flying machines deyll be
gittin' aerial freight trains. and It
don't be no cinch gettin' chucked of
an aerial freight train, lemme tell yer!
Disprovlng an ldom: MA" re-
marked the small boy. isn't 1t funny
that everybody calls little brother a
bouncing baby?' why do you think
1t is funny, William?' returned his
mother. because when dropped
him off the porch this morning he
didn't bounce bit He just hollered."
Tit Bits.
The Bride (weepingl-Oh, Jack,
we've-we've got to, j-just got to give
keeplng-g. Hubby-Why, lovey, what's
the matter? The Bride-Nirs. Worrits
has been telling me all afternoon about
the trouble she has with cooks, and
didn't have anything to tell her.-Har-
per's Bazaar.
The hotel of 2O03: Clerk-MIchael.
| are. you about through moving those
trunks? Porter-Yis, sor; in few
minutes. Clerk-Wcll. when you've
finished, stretch the life net over the
front pavement Mrs. Hibawl has Just
telephoned from the top floor that her
husband has fallen out of the window.
Smart Set.
Automobile proverbs: $40 auto or
to be autoed, TINT is the question:"
IAN auto in the hand is worth two In
the repair shop He who autoes and
rides away will live to auto another
day" run over others as they would
run over you and-do 1t first" ITO
have raced and lost Is better than not
to have raced at all."-Maryvillc (Kan.)
Tribune.
In Southern State the other day
gentleman, who was waiting for his
train Mt n country station, asked
porter who was lying on one OF the
seats where the station-master lived.
and the porter lazily pointed to the
house with his foot. The gentleman,
very much struck at the mans lazi-
ness. said: III you can show me
lazier action than that, my good man,
I'll give you two-and-six-pence." The
porter. not moving an inch. replied:
Put 1t in my pocket, guv'nor."-Tit-
Bits.
A Nations Bluff.
DO you want war;" asked the prime
minister.