The Savannah morning news. (Savannah, Ga.) 1900-current, 1903-02-22

These are my Confessions Of a
Consul " said the lately returned
statesman as he reveled in a strictly
up-to-date Yankee chair. and thank
your guardian angel for keeping your
patriotism below the point of max
ing you yearn to serve your country
in a tropical land.
MY confessions properly begin
with the President.
" But why do you want to go 20
such a God-forsaken country" he
asked, after I had intimated to him
my willingness to suffer exile from
the land of my fathers in order that
! might reflect credit on his admins
tration.
Il had learned that this consular
business was a perpetual picnic Upon
which a deserving few were sent to
fatten by a generous government.
There was no work and unlimited pay,
an arrangement especially true, so l
was told in the case of the consulate
that l longed for. The fees, also in
Volved no labor in their making. Like
wise there We're no expenses. The
fondness of the natives for American
consuls and their longing to support
them gratis was a popularity of that
part of the country not generally APP
preciated. In fact, there seemed to be
nothing better on earth, all things
considered, than just this consulate.
But / did not impart all this informal
ton to the President in answer to his
inquiry. l made a pretty speech in
stead. and before l became absolutely
gray-headed, the coveted appointment
was given to me.
The Consul Goes Into Exile.
"When l reached my post, my prede-
Cessor endeavored to disabuse my
mind of the inhabitants Partially for
representatives of the foreign service.
That was before l relieved him of mis-
charge and the fees.
This is not what it is cracked up
to be- he said. There is no money IN
it. You will find it hard to make a
living here at all. AS for work, you
have to be on hand every hour out of
the twenty-four.'
Il expressed my deep sympathy in
what he had endured Then he went
on with his disinterested information.
" This climate is the worst on
earth. All the foreigners get fever.
Most of them die of it. Those who re-
NONCA ralC llOA WI III ally lilliiSs As
for snakes a man is always in danger
OF them. Only yesterday a friend
called by attention to a centipede
crawling up my back. A bite of the
animal would have been fatal Such
encounters are common here.
Il complimented him on the courage
that he had shown in staying so long
at his post, and congratulated him on
being finally relieved from such mar
tyrdom. He was a good man and de-
served better things.
But he was not so skillful in these
matters as another consul knew.
This official had managed to hold his
place through five presidential terms,
despite the fact that in each term his
successor was appointed. His mode of
procedure was simple and effective. l
always admired the man. He was a
thorough statesman. This is the way
he managed things:
Calling n Cemetery to His Aid.
''The new appointee arrives. MY
friend greets him effusively. with a
sort of I-have- waited for-you-so -lonp
air, trots him around to all the big Of
ficials, gives him a fine dinner with
much toasting and patriotism appro-
pirate to the occasion, and conVinces
him of his undying friendship. Then
comes the master stroke He takes his
successor out driving, just to see the
town. During the drive, quite casual
ly, of course, the bewildered repre-
sentative of Uncle Sam is rounded I'D
at the cemetery. This cemetery is a
Well-arranged affair. Its occupants are
all classified. They lie around in
groups of various nationalities and
occupations, not promiscuously, as in
your ordinary, vulgar cemetery So it
happens that in one particularly
gloomy corner there is a long row of
graves that, by the inscriptions on
them, belong to Americans.
Who are they? asks the trembling
candidate for consular honOrs.
These? Oh. these are my prede-
cessors at this place, poor fellows
There seems to have been great
many of them. What did they die Off
oh. yellow jack. All foreigners die
of yellow jack down here. l am the
only consul who has ever lived
through it. Curious, isn't it? Yes, the
last man who came down to relieve me
caught it like all the rest. He was Il
nice young fellow, toe. | don't. know
why but | took a great fancy to him.
Strange, but you remind me of him.
Remarkable resemblance, now that l
look At you closely. Just the same
PHYSIQUE, the same brave, frank, I'M
suspecting manner. Well, / paid his
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