Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1903-03-28
c!BES FOR PUBLISHERS
Simeon Ford's Speech at a Din
me- OF Newspaper Men.
HIS VIEWS ON RACE SUICIDE,

ments on New York's Mayor Join
ing after Dinner Hot Air Brig 7de."
Confesses That aunning "a HoleI Is
o "Cfnch."
With a banquet ia the Waldorf-Asto-
ria at New York the other night the
annual meeting Of the American News
paper Publishes association was
brought to a close. The most lively
interest was manifested In the speech
Of Simeon Ford, New York's new din
ner humorist. wAo. II responding to
the toast How Much Easier Ii Is 3
Run a Newspaper Than a Hotel.
evoked great laughter and applause.
says the New York Herald.
"tn my time I have u Up against
a few editors, a number of reporters
and several million advertising solIc-
itors," he said, but the publisher is a
new one tC me. | don't even know
what a pul Usher does for a living. !
suppose the editor supplies the brains.
the reporter the Imagination and an
occasional fact and the solicitor the
dough. and | assume that the publisher
IA the man who mixes all these things
together and produces the newspaper.
Il an not altogether pleased with
the toast assigned me. In the first
place, it Is embarrassing to have atten-
ton called TO the fact that | am a hotel
man~ especially when l had hoped to
pass among the out of town guests as
a plutocrat. OF course hotels, like
newspapers. are necessary evils, but so
pointed an allusion to my business
makes 1t look as If / was trying to
work In a free ad. and that after my
lecture | might be expected to pass
around among the audience disposing
of my photographs.
There are several toasts in the list
which would suit me better-for ex-
ample, The Sins of Publishers There
~ a subject | know something about
and upon which | could wax e~loquenti
Being a hotel keeper,
81 could a tale unfold whose lightest word
Would make each hair to stand on end
Like quilts upon the fretful ~porcupine.
"A number of u local publishers
live along the line of a railroad whose
sole virtue is hat it's New York termi
nus is Immediately opposite my bar
room door. The railroad is so conduct
ed that passengers alighting therefrom
at once seek oblivion and surcease of
sorrow. Now, claim to carry a very
choice line of oblivion. and. as for my
fine old waited surcease of sorrow.
one swallow does not make a sum
mer,' but four or five will produce an
early spring or possibly a late fail.
General Taylor's toast is all right
What Shall We do With Our SonsY'
although think What Shall Our Sons
Do With UsY would have been better.
Professor Eliot of Harvard and his
st-renuousness President Roosevelt
think we are all shy of sons and that
we should at once return to the good
old fashioned habit of having twelve
or fifteen children. | use the word
habit advisedIy.
If either of these misguided the
orists bad had IL quiet heart to heart
talk with the mistress beforehand, they
never would have sprung this national
suicide gag on us. Personally | am
not losing any sleep owe the question
of whether the people of the United
States arc to be all foreigners in a
few generations or not. Posterity, not
having done much for me. will have to
shift for itself as far as | am concern
ed. Maj must adapt himself to his
environments. If Professor Eliot We're
to start out with twelve or fifteen chill
dren looking for a fiat in this city, he'd
mighty soo change his views and take
to keeping canaries or else move over
to Brooklyn.
speaking of Brooklyn reminds me
of the mayor. Some man has recently
achieved fame by publicly stating that
the mayor and he were schoolboys to-
gether. There's nothing so wonderful
about that Somebody had to 20 10
school with the mayor. He couldn't
expect to have a school all to himself.
| never went to school with him. but
I've played tag and still-pouds-no-mov.
ing and button button whose gothic
button In the same lot with him. and
at that time he was just a plain boy
like the rest OF us, and when his moth
er opened the front window and hol-
Tered he had to break away and go in
or get licked just the same as we did.
1--WE never dreamed at that time that
he would grow up and acquire the
MAYOR habit. He showed no symptoms
of IL But time works grpat ph0upas
And while be grew up and became
twice mayor of Brooklyn. then presi.
lent Of Columbia college'and later the
mayor of our Greater New York for
tune frowned IN me, and I've had to
work for every cent I've, got. Nothing
fits q man hotter for lifn,s s~trngglna