New-York tribune., 1903-04-07
BARBER COUNTED e.a KICKS
de Declines to Sit in Court, and Declares
Allrights All Wrong.

Vincent vandano is a phiosopber with an a,,,a
rimity under all circumstances equal to that at
trihuted 20 Diogenes. Vincent is aIso a Porto
Rican, and barber, but those facts male into in
significance when placed beside the serene ac-
quiescence with which he accepts misfortunes and
even turns them to advantage Even when he
says ali night Is all wrong. viii hereinafter ap-
pear. Vincent is not disturbed At present Vim
cent no matter how pressing the invitation does
not sit down. Henceforward will be explained
why what has gone before is as revealed by Vim
cent and accessories in the Harlem Court yester-
day Listen first to Vincent
Pardon me. your honor to sit care not Nav
rubbing the seat OF his trousers to sit would give
me pain; therefore I stand. l am your honor
a tonsorial artist"
Head and facescrape gardener" suggested a
court attendant in an aside
81 live. your honor continued Vincent "a+ No
g. West northumberland -thirty-fourth-st On
last Thursday night there called at my house these
men,. pointing to Detectives Brown and Churchill.
Ihey say 10 me, We want your father. He
stabbed woman. and YOU hiding him I say.
NO. shelter not my father. He is here
Then these detectives kick me They kick me to
the door; they kick through the door; they kick
me down the stairs: they kick me to hundred
and-hrst-st- and Second-ave- Never have 1 seen
sueh klckers or felt such kicks. They take turns.
i, your honor, do not like it I protest and get
kicked remain silent and get kicked. think
perhaps they tire and I accept the inevitable
am what you call high. low. kick and game. be-
gin 10 count the kicks. At hundred first
st and Second-ave. there the impressions of 50
kicks on He again passed g gentle hand over
his trousers seat
From there they kick Il, TO Northumberland
second-st. and Third-ave We proceed rapidly.
The kicks and kickers not tired. but me, ah, L
am about to drop when kick bears up. They
think my father Is concealed in my body, and they
try 10 kick him out At hundred -and-second-
St and Third-ave. the kicks number $50. Then they
say. You can go home now Wen see that you
get there safely They kick home. BY this
time feel the kicks not. but I count. When
get to my home the kicks they 243 1 have
to buy new trousers, 1 sleep on my side, / eat
standing up. Is IT any wonder?'
Every agreed that il not
Henry Irving. who is never taken for his re-
nowned namesake. and Mrs. Vandano corroborated
Vincent.
Then Churchill called out Albright"
well" said Magistrate Hogan.
alright. I'm here all right all right" said a
who stepped forward.
Whats ths?" said the mystifed magistrate.
I'm Joseph Alright" said the
'"Sure, that's him. all right, all right, chmed in
Churchill
well. Alright. go ahead" said the magistrate.
Alright. who lives az No. 116 West One-hundred-
and-thirty-fourth-sL.. said the detectives treated
Vincent S If he precious jewel.
alright, Thomas shouted Churchill.
Thought you said your name was Joseph" said
the magistrate.
I'm Joseph. all right" said Joseph This is
Thomas, all right my brother. Alright, all right,
as another stepped forward.
Thomas. too. testified that the detectives could
not have treated Richard A Canfeld's peachbow
vase more carefully than they did Vincent
The magistrate decided that each side had proved
its case though Vincent declared the Allrights
all wrong, and dismissed the case