Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1903-12-30
Chapter ON Barbers%

train and would rather strew a
few stray locks along the boulevard
from there to the depot than to get
left on the platform with a wealth
of shedless singed hair and an ex-
piring ticket in my hand. Of course
you will understand that l mean
the. ticket would be in my hand
and not the singed HAIR. told
him also that | was not married
and hence no future generations
were dependent upon me for hair as
yet. He yielded to my eloquence
and refrained from starting the
proposed con1agration. I never
did like TO have my hair afire. It's
bad enough to have ones heart afire
and no insurance. He put some
sort of dope on my head and curried
it with a wool carder and turned a
hydrant on me and then dried it.
, I asked him if he ever accidentally
drowned man; seeing that I was
humorist he PIT down another
quarter.
Expenses were piling up but l
was reckless. BARRIERS have to live.
One can't expect them to think up
nice speeches gratis. The sordid
world IS too materialistic. Why
should we not buy our compi-
Iments as we do fish and stove
wood2 If the bootblack says your
socks are pretty give him a nickel.
Then he will bow to you and be
happy and you can walk away like
a lord. Suppose it is your last
nickel who cares. saw that the
barber really enjoyed working on
my face so I let him shave me and
made no remorstrance when he
started in to give me a massage.
I had been sitting up nursing a
joblot of malaria the night before
and after the first hot cloth lost
consciousness and forty cents for
bed. / don't know what all
they did to me after that but ]
! think they counted my money for
the bill just came out even with
my pile. OF course I had dollar
bill sewed up in my union suit that
they failed to find.
4 When / walked up from my doze
two 2iggers were enameling my
!. feet and another brushing my coat.
There was another one trying to do
something with my umbrella but
he quit when l looked at him.
Three men were engaged about
my head. One was guiding a little
combination rotary mower and
steam f1atiron emery wheel over
my countenance to sandpaper 1t
down. Another was furnishing
the motive power with a sort OF
horse clipper machine and the third
was putting down the various
charges. Every time you go into
Milwaukee barbershop they open
an account with you in their ledger.
The niggers wanted to put in new
shoestrings for me at the small cost
of ten cents but I told them I was
in such rush would have to ask
them to accept the price as a gift
and let me off. The head barber
wanted to put some nice tonic on
my hair to make it grow. He said
it would smell nice and make all
my friends feel better but I re-
monstrated and he reluctantly put
down the bottle and ten cents. 1t
costs ten cents every time they
pick up a bottle in Milwaukee.
After one o'clock on Sundays and
holidays it costs twenty.
While the fat complexioned
gentleman combed my hair ] told
him about my experience in Madison
the night before. The electric
lights.went out and I had to get
shaved by candlelight. The barber
set row of candles on the edge of
the wallcase and then shaved off
an eyebrow on the dark side and
left my ear full of soap. / felt
stretched out there with candles all
about me-like the principal figure
at an Irish wake. Three of the
BARRIERS laughed at the incident and
said it was surely an odd experience
and the scorekeeper put down five
cents apiece for each of them. With
the assistance of three niggers and
an additional outlay of thirty cents
acquired possession of my coat
and hat and umbrella and fed down
the station platform just in time to
run into closed gate and watch
through the iron bars while my
train pulled out and left me with a
slowly oynirinp ticket in nv vest