davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-10-04

VINO could not remember any cause for
disagreement between himself and Mrs.
Turfy. Still, he felt too magnanimous
to be put off by any want of feeling on
the other side, and he continued kick
ing.
"'Tis aleng of t. SOW and t. iii pig"
ne Voctferated. "They be COON down
/ from t. BOARD, Missus Turfy an they
be 'scudden straight for t. Pike
Moor!"
Mrs. Turfy thrust her head out of the
window. eyed the signboard and shifted.
Eff yew doan't stop a-kicking naa
door" she said, "ah'll splosh a pail O.
waiter over EEL"
But t. sow's loose" Jerry protested,
IAN t. lip '14@
"Cut along arter they, theni"
jerry, still kicking vigorously, heard
the ominous swish of water in a pail
overhead. 1t seemed monstrous that "a
sensible woman like Mrs. Turfy should
be willing to bear what would certain
ly be pecuniary loss apart from
sentimental considerations. But he
would help her in spite of herself
All RI, Mrs. Turfy, ah'm"-
A deluge of water from the window
above narrowly escaped him.
Jerry gave a final kick.
"Ah'm gwoan to fetch they, Mrs.
Turfy," he said, charitably, ~" Don't
yeW tret!"
And, hearing more swishing Of wa
ter, he put up his elbows and started
running. Ahead of him were the tru-
ant swine some distance along the
road.
''To-ally ho!" cried Jerry. 800
a wind-borne grunt came snorting
back to him. 1t gave zest to the chase
Jerry vowed to himself that there was
no merrier way of spending an aft
ernoon.
Now, the things that followed upon
this are as clear in his mind today
Mr.. JUL says-as they were then.
Clearer if anything, for some new de-
tail is always presenting itself to him,
and the story grows in length as well
as in grewsomeness. But 1 have to be
brief. What happened, shortly, was
this:
The road which the swine had taken
winds like a string of white chalk for
half mile, rising gradually between
green hedges to the level of the moors.
Then the hedges give out and the road
runs straight to the horizon, but on
either hand the open moorland lies.
And it was Jerry's object to prevent
the swine reaching this and turning off
into the infinite scrub that climbs and
dips for miles to right and left.
To begin with, he fancied it was an
easy matter. The red was clear on the
white of the road, and the hedges pre-
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-10-04

and spilled and dreadfully mixed. The
water rushing in a leak made a hope
less mess of the provisions. But Noah
who seems to have been patient sort
of family man, of inventive talent,
ordered the woman to heat 1t up into
thick soup. and praise God and be
thankful.
Aschourah is mere that custom
it is a law, and in the first ten days Of
Mouharem, the first month of the year,
it is eaten; and in all respectable fami-
lies 1t is made in large quantities and
sent as presents to Notwithstanding
as English friends send presents of
plum buildings at Christmas to one an
other
Aschourah is the oriental house dole
of their domestic life. Large clay ba-
sins of it are made in the season and
given to the poor, while beside the
month of Mouharem, to which the Gus
tom is dedicatedw, it constitutes the
.mush" just as pidaff is the Irish
stew" of Turkey. Every dinner at
least in form. ends with pidaff.
Turks Are Charitable.
The Turks are most charitable in
almsgiving. All Europeans who have
studied their lives know this. 1t is not
merely a custom to give; it is the law
A Mussulman must give to the poor at
least ne-fortieth. Mohammed, with
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-10-04

Well by sight, having seen it most days
Of his life for tWenty-nine years. But
to see it unexpectedly like that gave it
fresh interest, and he perused the
inscription arnestly-"Shound Pig"
he read out. 49,
Wonderful thing-the art of painting
Jerry thought. There was something
about. the sow astonishingly lifelike.
So there was about the grass on which
she couched. He began to calculate
the amount of hay it. was likely to
yield, but was impeded by the per-
spective. The mead seemed to stretch
indefinitely. T-T -
But the young pig-that really look
ed r1aughably real He could almost
hear it .grumping. What splendid
creature 1t would grow intoi The no.
ton of the young pig growing up was
SO com1cal that somehow Jerry was
convu1sed. 'Sh-sh-ound Pig" he re-
peated.e.oAaa ~
1t was then that a quaint thing oc-
Cured. The SOW rose up, shook her
selfa oandrfwithr snort of disgust de-
scended from ,, the signboard into the
road. The pig followed with a toss
OF sdtsS head and a scream, galloping
down through-the air so as not to be
left behind. The whole thing hap
pened4 in an instant, almost before
Jerry could rub his eyes.
When he looked again the board
still swung there, the grass of it's
pleasant meadow blown a little in the
breeze, but the SOW and pig were be-
low in the road, following their noses
toward the open moors.
What was to be done? Jerry's first
consideration was for the landlady of
the inn. AT no time is it agreeable to
lose ones possessions like that, but If
Mrs. Turfys extremely valuable SOW
went astray with that promising pig,
what would she do? So far as Jerry
knew, she had no others. And these,
living as they did in a field on a sign
board, were probably unique of their
kind. Few pigs are accustomed to live
on signboards. If they were lost on
the moors, they could hardly be re-
placed.
The inference was-they must not be
lost, and prompt in action, Jerry called
out loud, "Missus Turfy!"
There was no reply: Jerry sided to
the door of the inn and kicked violent
"Missus Turfy!" he shouted. Hi,
Missus Turfy!"
The landlady's voice came In a shrill
voice from the second floor.
tYew baint comen in here agen, Jerry
JUL, an doan't zee think it!'
1t is hard for man bent on doing a
kindness to be rebuffed in this man
ner. 1t seemed less than kind to Jerry,
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-10-04

ernoon. He hoped none of his ac-
quaintances would meet him. But
compared with his recent experience
1T was as good as a circus. He felt so
safe. He skirted the bog through
which they had weltered, and avoided
the bramble spikes and the gorse. And
though his arm ached nightly, the dis
lance traversed did not appear to be so
great as he had thought. AS they drew
near to the road again, he even felt in
clined to converse with the SOW.
"An' twas along O. ma taking a day
off that yew tux un an t liz pig TUX
un," he remarked.
The SOW made no reply.
"'Tis a curious thing" continued
Jerry. 1--WE was all gwoan to T. devil
simly an pretty fast"
No answer. The little pig seemed to
be asleep and growing lighter. Now
they were on the road again, and no
one about. By the time Jerry had got
under the signboard the pig had dwin-
died so in weight that he looked closely
at it to see if anything was the matter.
1t was no longer under his arm.
"Flewed oop," said the SOW, briefly.
And sure enough, there it was in the
signboard, blinking at the perspective.
"An' now yew'l ha' hoist me-" said
the SOW
Jerry bent down, put his arms about
her and heaved.
"Oop!" he called.
The vastness of her upfying weight
precipitated him forward on his face.
and he lay on the ground a little to
collect his senses. When he had risen
he looked up. There was the sign
board swinging in the wind, and the
red SOW in it lowering over the grass
the same as ever. Indeed, for a mo-
ment Jerry doubted if she had ever
come down.
He looked about him. 1t was still
early in the afternoon, apparently. the
sun still shining, and not a soul come
back from work. Jerry stepped to the
door of the inn and knocked.
BE that yew still, Jerry JUL? 2" cried
Mrs. Turfy. "Yew baint comen in,
mind"
"Noa," said Jerry, slowly "Ah baint
not eff ali knaws ut. But all thought
as ah'd let yew knaw, MUSES. Turfy.
as t. SOW an t. III pig ez back in t
BOARD"
"'Tiddnt trew, sureIy?" said Mrs.
Turfy. sarcastically.
AN" continued Jerry, undeterred by
her lack of interest, "ef all was yew
ah'd tie a rope round they-ower Z
BOARD like. IT'S a vallyble SOW an
liz pig, an yew wouldn't lake to lose
they"
Then he retreated swiftly but stead
lily. with one eye on the signboard.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-10-04
FRIENDS

I Msieu Van Courtlandt's daughters
maid, Is it not?"
We'll" says Rounds, "dere's been
so many robberies in de diamond back
district lately dat de officer on post
must be on de watch, when he knows
dat de owners is not at home. You
done right to come in to inquire, Kel-
ly,' he says,
Tanks, Rounds" says Kel
"Oh, very well,' says Duchess. IF
it was de officers duty to come in here
and ask so much questions I shall not
report him. 1t is a warm night, cap
tain, is it not?''
Reader hot" Rounds says, taking
off his helmet.
Would you do me de honor for to
have a bock?"
Il wouldn't mind" says Rounds.
And may de officer have one?"
Duchess asks, wild her baby stare.
It'll do him no HARM" Rounds saws,
wit wink at Kel
Duchess fetches de beer, and as de
cops was putting 1t away Murphy was
piping Rounds like she was in a trance,
den she says to him: Your names
Halligan. and you're from de Oak street
station two years ago, or I'm not a foot
high"
"De same" says Rounds "How did
you get into high society, Mrs. Muir
phy?"
Il didn't come here in police pa
troll wagon, anyway. You're a County
Galway man, and de men of your coun-
ty dances like a steer wit only tree
hoofs. Dey is no goodl"
mo woman out of Kerry can stand
up wit me-" says Rounds wit a laugh.
Oats me-" says Murphy. Take
up de rug, Duchess, dear, SOS we can
hear our feet, and I'll put shame on
dis Galway man, or die in me tracks"
Say, it was better dan a show out
on top of de stage! Rounds started
in like a winner, but he was a bit
over weight, and before twenty min
uteS of it Murphy had him limping,
and in half an hour he stops, and Muir
ply goes on for five minutes more just
to put de shame on him hard.
De cops had de time of DER lives, OF
course; and, as Duchess says, it give
eclaw to our blowout for to have 1t
decorated wit de gilt of uniforms. But
de top time of all was had by Mrs.
! Murphy Il neber taught" she says.
dat I'd be dancing on de very hight
of Murray hill. 'TiS a great country,
and a good citizen, wedder she be real
American like me, or a form dago, like
Chimmie's wife, need fear no foe, nor
hide her tallons in a bushel, while de
light holes out to burn, and fame goes
coochy cooling down de corridors of
| time, as de dear dead poet says, wit
| de candles boining at bote ends and de
| middle, to de greater glory of st. Pat
| rick-rest his SOULS de ice box emp
l ty, Chimmie?" she says.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-10-04

Eve had dere was French, some English,
some Switzers, and all sorts; but none
of EN- but had some kind of a dance
of DER own form parts dat dey could
foot to de music of dat banjo and
guitar; and even Duchess, she got de
fever. and was doing a hint from Paris
wit a French valet, dat wasn't so
,wotse- De fun was just about up to G
Wen l seen poking his head in from de
e dining room door, de cop on post
Tings stopped student.
IA Were raided," says me fren. ""Trun
out de cop" says a Irish coachman.
but says, "Howdy, Kel?" him being a
copper 1 knowed, named Kelly.
Desc premises is down on de sta
| ton house list as Owners away"
says Kel.
: Sure says. eff dey wasn't away
we wouldn't be here
Have you a permit from de owners
-for-dis pic-nic?" says Kel.
Sure l says. DO we have to get
police permit, too? Modder," 1 says,
remember your manners, and get dis
copper glass of beer. Don't you see
dat de man is toisty?"
So Kel turns his lip over a schooner
or. two, and den he pipes US off at de
dancing, and pretty soon Maggie dares
him to do step wit her, she remems
Sbering him as one of de fanciest step
Fdancers on de force.
I'm! fraid Rounds will be coming
d4s way" he says, .'or I'd show you
STEP"
Lave Rounds come" says Murphy,
and We'll invite him in too. De more
coppers we have inside de less dere'Il
be to bodder folks on de street.
Well, dey jollied Kel till he took off
his helmet and coat, and he done a step
for us dat made de formers dere near
fall dead. Dey was old-fashioned glue
brodders steps, dat is gone to de woods
lately; but, say dose steps isn't learnt
while you wait.
Everything would been all right aft
er dat but for Murphy. De high So
5ciety or de ice box, got on her nerves,
and all Of student she let's out a yell
dat must have been heard from Murray
Hill to Union Square.
For de love Of heaven, Mrs. Muir
ply" 1 says, have your manners
about you, or We'll be pinched for dis
toibing de peace"
But 1 was too late. Dere was
knock on de summer door, and Kel near
drops, for de knock was made wit
cops stick. Its de Roundsman!" he
gasps, and slides into his coat and he'll
met, and looks for hole to hide in
Den Duchess gets into the game.
Stay where you are, M'sieu Officer"
she says, land take your cue from me-"
Wit dat she goes to de summer door,
mad makes long job of opening it,
''What'1 1 do Chimmie?" says KeI,
seeing himself broke, or fined twenty
days pay.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-10-04
HOW JERRY JUL, INEBRIATE, HAD AN ATTACK OF PIGS

The sign itself was of a red amorph-
Gus SOW couchant, and at the same
time lowering, as it were, over a green
ground that suggested grass, while
little to the left piglet, eXcusably re-
gardant, blinked at the curious per-
spective. But the inscription on the
board ran, 1.-The Sound Pig, by S.
Turfy."
Jerry JUL smiled upon IT.! Mrs. Tur-
fly (being the same as the S. Turfy Of
the inscription had just elected him
from the taproom, because he had had
enough to drink for the good Of the
house and more than enough for his
own. 1t was the third day Jerry had
been off work and Mrs. Turfy was tired
of him To have him loloping there
all day, smiling to himself and deliber-
ately consuming ale in half pints
(Which necessitated constant attend
ance at an hour when not another soul
was on the premises to make it worth
while) was, she declared, intolerable.
Moreover, she disliked to see a man
a-sillying himself.
1T doan't pay in tn end" she said,
warningly.
"Ah, so ut be-" said Jerry. compla-
cent
$50 what be?"
Jerry tried to remember, but could
not
''Termups," he ventured, and guess
ing from the lowering of Mrs. Turfy's
brows that he had not been quite
apropos, "An' t'weather-simply the
sunny weather-so ut be-" he added,
craftily.
"Out yew go into it," said Mrs. Turfy,
taking him by the sleeve.
That is how Jerry came to be stand
ing underneath the swinging sign. He
was not aware of having suffered any
indignity. Blandness possessed him.
His only concern was that he could
not recollect why he was there or
what his plans for the afternoon were
But, after all, that mattered little
Nothing mattered at all. His whole
face was wreathed in smiles. Merely
as matter of curiosity, he thought he
should like to know If the ground was
as it looked, and he put out one leg
gingerly. Curiously enough, it was not
so firm. 1t heaved a little, and Jerry's
foot had some difficulty in establishing
a firm position upon it. Necessity urg-
ed him to put the other foot after it
to obtain any proper balance what
ever.
If you place one foot in front of you
and follow it up with the other, in all
probability you cover certain amount
of space. This natural law presented
itself to Jerry in the form of a discov-
cry that he was not underneath the
sign, but facing it. He knew it very
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-10-04

vented doubling. Nor were the erea-
lures, 1t seemed, in any great haste,
though they went at persevering
trot
Only when Jerry made great squirt
and came UP with them, 1t was not so
easy. No sooner was he at them than
they lodged, each a different side of
| the road, squeafing, but always go
ing forward. In vain he tried to head
them off. "A grurt and a rush, and one
or the other was in front again. And
the moors were getting close.
Sink uni" exclaimed Jerry, after a
fifth failure.
"Sink yourself!"
Jerry gasped. 1t was the impish pig
that had spoken. Never had Jerry
known pig speak before. And this
one was so young. All the same, a
| man of Jerrys caliber was not going
to be fiouted by a sucking pig.
What dr yew saay?' he inquired,
sternly. ~
Sink yourself"
With this repetition the little creature
| made most violent dart between
Jerry's legs.
"Ah, would zee now?" said Jerry,
deeply incensed.
He grabbed at the things curl of a
tail. 1t skipped aside like a rabbit.
But chance assisted Jerry. His hand
ngnted on the tail or the SOW and clos
"Ah've got one on eel" he cried in
glee.
"G-r-r-rp' o.
Come along. whoam, will eel" Jer-
ry continued. at rt~
G-r-r-r!, Instead of compliance, yet
| another grunt. The SOW ran on. All
Of a sudden Jerry realized that he
could not let go. His feelings-Jerry
hints-were more easily imagined than
| described And it seems not unlikely
| that this was so. A sort of horror
| made him feel warm all over, and his
reasoning Faculties deserted him. All
that he kpewS was that the more he
| tried to draw away his hand the more
it chung to the sow's tail, or the sow,s
I tail chung to It. What is worse, they
were on the nioors now.
/ "Halp!" tcried Jerry, in a fright.
Just coming over a track to the left,
Moonbridge way, was Mr.. Stallycoot,
| the rector, and it was to him, with a
sinking heart, that Jerry appealed. For
| he was apt to be absent-minded,
though benevolent, and he was decid-
ny deaf. Still, one would suppose that
even deaf person would perceive the
| horrible incongruity of man being
dragged across the moors at the end
Of sow's tail.
"Halp!" Jerry cried, desperately as
he drew near at the gallop. 'Halp!"
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-10-04

Hardly had-the words left his mouth
when the SOW slowed down. Jerry says
that 1T was like magic, the change, and
he realized, shrewdly enough, that
there was some virtue in the words he
had used.
What be'est sayen?" inquired the
sow, uneasily.
"Ah cud wish ali were whoam, all
cud"
Not word would Jerry, in his new
born sagacity, leave unsaid or vary,
and he was justified by the result.
For
AN SO yew mid be-" said the SOW.
plainly unwilling.
"Wi yew a-tuggen me hand?"
The SOW sulked and Jerry pressed the
question. The little pig had ranged up,
and now began to squeal- pitifully.
'Lemme go whoam! Lemme go who
ami" atzise-.se{
"Ah. wud," said Jerryes, fThere iddn't
no comfortabler place than t BOARD
for Ill pig"
80 yew say" broke in. the SOW.
But tits like this rtwere along a yew
that we kim out"
Along O. me?"
"See'en yew loppen an lighthaded
set me an the lii pig off. S'long as
yew was gwoan to T. devel, ah couldn't
see what for we shouldn't CO. T'is
weary stayen allus in a signboard."
But all beant gwoan to t. devil"
said Jerry, scandalized.
''Doan't yew be over sure. Afore
yew be sure, yew'll ha to see me
whoam-me an liz pig"
'Ahl do ut willin', eff SO be yew cud
undo your tail"
"T'wudden do to trust 'ee," said the
SOW.
Not eff ah were to carry t. III pig?
He's tired simly."
The SOW hesitated. She looked at
the landscape longingly and her ears
shook with desire of a scamper. Not
far off was a prodigious quag. And
Jerry struck in hastily:
"Ah'd carry t. liz pig all T. way"
"Oop wi un, then" said the SOW,
sulkily.
Jerry stopped and lifted the squeak
ing creature. 1t was heavy as lead,
and his own spine went near cracking
with the strain. But he persevered,
and no sooner was 1t in his arms than
he found his hand free
'Lemme go whoam!" walled the lit
tie pig.
"Bide quiet" said Jerry stepping OFT
with a will.
The sow came numbering after them.
1t was not a dignified procession, nor
was it light work or in any way re-
sembling the entertainment which
Jerry had hoped to derive from the aft
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-10-04

Me fren sends up de case at cost
price, and Duchess and Maggie make
near a ton of sandwiches, so wes was
fixed for de real part Of de show, all
right.
Evening dress was derigor. and L
was de rigorest Willie in de walk, for
I'd just COPIED a evening dress suit off
Mr.. Paul. what it fitted him too quick.
Well, when everything was ready for
de boys and COILS to come, Duchess
says to me, Light up in de parlors,"
she says. hasten me man." says she.
Miss Fannie never said we might
use de parlors," l says.
''She never says we mightn't," says
Duchess. Make haste, for de guests
will be arriving, and we must be ready
to receive EN- proper" 80
DE proper way to receive EN- is wit
a glad hand, and an open bottle of beer
at de kitchen door, 1 says.
dat would do for under soivants,"
Duchess says, chesty. Not for upper
soivants. Make haste. De guests will
enter by de tradesmens door, and cofTe
up to de parlor, where you and me Will
receive EN-.
1 seen dat it would be a case. of
rough house if I didn't let Duchess do.
like she'd laid out de game, and 1 links.
dat de gang dat was coming was well
knowing how to behave in a parfors
most of EN- being parlor soivants, so
I turns on de eleetrics; and BuefesS
hustles me into me joint, along side.
her in de front parlor.
Listen: Doing me duty at Miss Fan
MES, I've seen many a fine-haired
dame in full sail at reception, but de
best of EN- was also ran by de side of
Duchess. My, my! If you'd seen de
swagger of dat goil when de mugs and
lasses begins to show up, you'd died wit
laughing. She had de high armed
shake, de stitch in her side, de prop
erty smile, and de tousand- mile- away
look in de eye, dat near par'lyzes me
modder and Mrs. Murphy when it
comes DER turn to get de hand.
Mrs. Murphy couldn't take her peep
ers off Duchess. and she slides up be-
hind me for to be near. Soon I hears
her talking to herself: Look at de
leddy?" she says. "a lod's Teddy
hasn't de style of her. And to tink
she's Chimmie's own wife! She's a
queen on her golden t'rone, she is!
Don't tell me all desc grand folks is
hired men and COILS. Dey's de cream
of society, we'll 1 know Lave me go
and find Chimmies modder, to see is
dere any beer in de house-so dry
am wit de excitement"
All dat style comes near putting
frost on de whole box of tricks; for
de odder- loidies' maids was bound for
to be as far up in de air as Duchess,
and 1t looked like dere was nobody to
break de ice, till Maggie, who looked
like she'd scream when she piped
Duchess, says to her steady, me fren