New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1903-09-11
LETTERS OF AN OLD MAID.
TO A YOUNG MAN.


Dear John: feel quite hattered by your aSsurnp-
lion that understand women I know you think
that I don't understand men, the belief being
founded chiefly on my sin OF omission in not having
4 married. As you admit that 1 understand some
thing OF womankino perhaps can give you Few
| points There's that matter Of women always
! wanting 70 be complimented.' You say you can't
full their requirements in that direction consist
entity with sincerity. Well. sincerity is a great
, virtue. Presumably. It covers multitude OF sins.
for it is supposed to atone for the absence Of
good many other virtues.
don't Like lying myself I never lie unless
# absolutely necessary. I suppose you'll answer
that with 'Je men vote pas Ia necessits- Wei. /
don't either. as rule. but find that there are
three kinds OF lies that sometimes necessary.
The first Is the kind that deceives no one-that is
recognized a. a social formula deny alto
gether the moral significance Of that species Of lie
The second is the kind that saves you from worse
sin. For example I asked direct question
once the answer TO which would have involved the
betrayal OF friends most sacred ana most I'M
portant confidence. Even evasion would have
been decisive. II would have been equivalent to a
yes" The question called for a single yes or no.
and the true but fatefuL answer was Yes /
answered No" and did not regret it You think
such dilemma impossible? Well can't prove
myself right without betraying the secret As Tor
the third kind Of lie. it is only the kind
we all think IL right TO tell TO seriously III or
demented person. and We know that some extend
being professional cssuist will not go into that
all
We were talking about insincere compliments
Bless you nay dear. women don't want insincere
compliments. except as an occasional VouVe OF
ferinr ike Sir Walter Raeighs cloak. 20 make the
nath a little smoother To begin with they are not
worth the breath il takes 10 utter them Every
woman sees through them, unless she's purblnd
with vanity Compliments in these days are treated
as social antics rather laughable than otherwise.
49, a. hf-xf hat
women want TO hear pleasant things about them
selves. They DO.
II you think anything pleasant about a woman
and don't tell her you needn't be surprised II
she gives you the go-by. II you know q woman FOR
long time. be she wife. mother sweetheart sister
friend or maiden aunt. and never say nice thing
ana shell act TO you in some way that you'll call
eapricous, or II she's too proud 70 complain she "
herself she'll suffer from chronic encouragement,
Whicb Is bad FOR both OF you. No: YOU cant AFFORD
70 abstain from -'insincere compiiments' but II
you never give her a sincere one you will lose her
love. her faith, which Is worse. You must take
the trouble 10 think Up something pleasant that's
true. or that you really believe TO oe true ana ana
come right out with II. It's better IN the end-Iar
better than letting her worry you by saying that
Sr no no saSfne ma .acfons sneak Louder than
words" ana you think she might trust you after
qn ,s - ~ besi and on al The Other Women that
YOU Ike all dncluding me. Of coursel. II you
care 70 be popular Such is the nature OF woman
kind. II only means that We are easily discour-
And III tell you another secret equally i'm
rortant. II Won a woman. and were telling
you what know about men. would say Get me
refer back two three sheets)-l would say. II
YOU think anything pleasant about a man ani
don't tell him go you needn't be surprised II ne
thing pleasant that's true that you believe TO
be true and (no: come right with st.
won't 90 herel bring IL out deicately. and admin
ister il bit by Bit. with air degagee" Try this
method on the you know Yes. truly
/ have known men 10 complain 70 me that certain
zen friends Of theirs didn't care for them because
thev never said so, Men really worry each
other q great Zeal al times You know that: you're
rather favorite yourself
Do take heart what I've said. and give me
nice. sincere compliment next time you write m
lust IN the mood believe II. Some time I'll tell
YOU Z lot about women-or about human
nature 7 don't quite know which I've been talking
about With old maids love. PRISCILLA.