The Dawson news. (Dawson, Ga.) 1889-current, 1903-03-11
OIIEER APPEALS OF
PENSION HUNTERS
SOME ORIGINAL AND FUNNY PLEAS
OF FEDERAL VETERANS.
Pension Bureau at Washington OYerru'
With Dreary Wastes of PIatItudes
and Hard Luck Stories.


and Hard Luck Stories.
The average tale that is told IN Inc
official papers that drift into the gov
ernment archives at Washington ov
The thousands daily is what has come
IN he known as 'human interest sto-
ry," says the Washington Post. There
are dreary wastes of platitudes and
heaviness, wearisome monotony ana
sshard luck" stories galore. But amid
all these, relieving the tedium of the
rest, are bright bits of unconscious
humor, sharp sallies of wit and ex-
pressions strikingly original and fun
nv. Strange as it may seem, the great
bulk of the "queer" among the Official
mails reaches the pension bureau
that great natural mecca of the stories
of pathos and suffering. The veterans
have a way of writing epigrammatlc
letters on occasion, and to drifting IN
TO the late President Lincoln's habit
of illustrating points with anecdotes
culled from personal experience Inc
following from a man who is something
of fatalist in his way will show Pc
culiar vein of thought and express
Nsion:
"i alwase been a Publican Party.
si Alwase Satiated with it.
''i Been turned down bi it.
81 Reed my Bibel.
ri find from it he'll is doomed.
81 am also doomed.
al Spoas mus go to the boanard.
81 must Cloas."
Down in Smoky Valley, KY, lives
veteran who evidently regards the re-
ceipt of an official letter from Wash
ington as a mark of distinction and i'm
uortance. Presumably be wanted to
show the answer to his neighbors as
an earnest of his close relation to the
powers that be in Washington, for
this is what he wrote to the commits
al 1ner of pensions, ad literatim and in
toto:
deer Sur: haven't got nothing
spechel to write about, but jest thote
/ would congratulate you on the efer-
cacy of your work in general and your
standing as high an onerbul gent in
perticlar. | would like to have the
oner of your repli in ten days wrote on
typewriter" etc.
It's not to be supposed, OF course,
that a pensioner and his Witnesses
are masters of medical phraseOlOgy.
Sometimes, however, the veteran wan
ders from the path OF generalit1es fol-
lowed by most lay minds and gets the
verpacular of the medical fraternity
mixed to a rather ridiculous degree.
Thus the following was discovered in
the papers fled by claimant who was
seeking pension under the general
laws: PARALYSIS of the right side has
gradually extended to adjacent parts
of the brain matter, causing paralysis
of application and intention" w ha'
he really meant and what he was pen
stoned for was paralysis Of the right
forearm resulting FROM shell wound.
Many a man has been taught the
value of attention to detail, but it is
not every man who heeds the precept
But not long ago man who gives evil
dence of close observation and who
does not believe 10 glittering general
ties had this to say in an affidavit filed
in pension claim to show the widowed
claimants financial standing:
- says upon oath that claimant
he's but two horses and two cows and
very young colt, two-horse wagon
worth about SIS. Had some other
property when soldier died. namely,
two mules, one team of horses, one
heifer and one steer. One mule died,
one heifer was killed by lightning.
The remaining mule was sold to defray
funeral expenses and other debts: one
horse was taken sick, after which it
was not worthy of attention since that
time, and the horse was given away.
The steer was sold to pay doctor bills
and other debts, and further affiant
states not"
OIUIT cod DONcEUEI