The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1903-05-31

There never was such an astounding bit
of mechanism as Ike Poheberry's marvel
GUS mechanical COW. Ike, himself, didn't
amount to much, except just to tinker
around; had a weak back that kept him
from saving wood or working the wash
ing machine or hoeing the garden But
he could pitch horse-shoes all day, or
walk FIVE miles to fishing hole and help
carry q keg of beer all the way without
hurting his back hardly any.
Mrs. Pokeberry took in washing and
kept chickens and did plain sewing and
raised garden truck and children. Some
times 1t made Ike heartsick to see the
way abe worked but it didn't affect his
appetite. to speak Of He always gave
her credit, too.
II might have married a better lookin'
woman, or one that wasn't SO ALFRED
ignorant" he'd say down at Sam Welch's
shoemaker shop, where he and a few
other gentlemen OF leisure helped run the
country, but I couldn't have found
more willing worker in a thousand years.
I tell you a wife like that is a blessing
to a man that has a weak back. Loan me
a chew Of tobacco Hank, and I'll give you
the dingest beatin' at checkers you ever
had in your life. Say, amt it shame
the way the government is doing down
there In them Phillipeens?"
Ike might have remained a mere states
man and checker player all his life If his
wife hadn't hid enough money to buy
COW. The day he came home from Sam
Welchs and saw that cow in the back
lot made him a fnancier and a genius.
For nearly a week he spent most of his
he
watching that COW help make a living for
the family and one night after Mrs Poke
berry had delivered the milk and put the
children to bed and done up the chores,
Ike knocked the ashes out of his pipe and
said:
you might have got better COW while
you was at it
well, Ike" said Mrs. Pokeberry ut was
the best one 1 could get for the money
To be sure it amt much of cow for
looks, but 1t gives half gallon of milk,
night and morning, and that means 20
cents a day, good, hard money"
Ike reflled his pipe and smoked for five
minutes
Tomorrow morning." he finally an
nounced, I'm going into the milk busi-
ness. I'm going to take that homely COW
around and milk her right in front of the
customers doors, like they do In Con-
stantinople or Germany or Europe or
some place that read about once"
Il don't see no sense in that" said Mrs
Pokeberry. I'VE sell every drop of milk
that COW gives right now"
Being a woman Mandy, of course you
don't understand business" remarked Ike
loftily. This way they'll know we're
honest and don't put any water or chalk
in our milk. Our good name, Mandy, is
worth more than riches" And with this
VirtuOus remark Ike went to bed
The next morning. bright and early,
Ike started out with the COW and made
the hit of his life. The scheme worked
splendidly and it only had one drawback.
Ike collected all the money and Mrs.
Pokeberry never saw a cent of 1t. Ike
didn't spend it though except for tobacco
and that was one comfort 1t was re-
markable the change that COW brought
about AS Ike passed Sam Welchs shop
one evening that week Hank Hooper
hailed him.
IF you'll come in." he said, "Tll give
you the blamedest wallopin' at checkers
you ever had in your life."
II amt got no time to waste on fool
ishness," said Ike.
Hank regarded Ike with Amusement for
a moment, then made anotheF attack.
Have you seen what the government Is
doing now down In the PhillipeensT'
"Looky here Hank" said Ike, I'm a
man of business now and don't care If
the country goes plumb to smashl1
We'll I'll be jiggered!" exclaimed
Hank, as Ike walked away. "Say, Sam"
he continued, turning to Mr.. WEIGH,
who'd thought that brindle cow with
one horn and a broken tail would make
a man so swell headed that he would
cut all of his friends? That man will
turn out bad yet. You mark my words"
But Ike fooled them. One day he traded
off his COW for another that gave almost
two gallons of milk a day. He had al
ways spoken of the first one as "our
cow" He alluded to the new one as my
cow and began to wear store clothes ev-
cry day, From then on the town could
hardly hold him. To see him stalk around
Ter ling that COW by the bride and milk
out quart, was sight for sore eyes.
He saved up his money, and 1t wasn't
long until he had enough to make another
trade, and got one of those short-legged
Holsteins that are pretty near all milk
except the horns and hoofs. Then his
troubles began. The new COW gave al
most three gallons of milk a day, but It
was so short legged and his customers
were so far apart, that by the time that
he got through with his mornings rounds,
1t was time to begin delivering the even
ing's milk and the COW couldn't stand IT..