Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1903-08-15
OF MILES.
How the General INDUCED In
a Practical Joke.
FELLOW OFFICER THE VICTIM.

by Miles ON IA Train.
Although it is generally understood
that the sense of humor of General
Miles, who has just been retired from
the United States army, is not suftl-
GENTLY developed even to enable him
to hold position on Punch, story is
told of him which would indicate that
under provocation he can indulge in a
sportive practical joke, says the Wash
ington correspondent of the New York
Tribune. "TlR incident" said an army
man, lis accepted by some of us as an
explanation of some of the friction be-
tween General Miles and his colleagues
which years of association have devel-
Dped.
"A number of years ago Miles, who
is a big man physically, and another
well known general, clean shaver and
of small stature, were detailed to re-
port to q western garrison. AS the in
cident which 1 am about to relate has
never been forgiven by the small gen
eral. who still brides at suggestion of
the indignity he suffered, 1 shall omit
his name.
ITO this companion of Miles was as
on the Pullman car. The two generals
then were friends, but each took pleas
ure in getting the better Of the other,
all with apparent good nature. Wheth-
er there was conscious or unconscious
jealousy at the bottom of their amiable
conflicts l do not know.
''On this western trip the small gen.
eral selected of the only two available
berthS the lower for himself. When
Miles found that he had to climb to the
top bunk he protested, saying that mas
much as he was by far the bigger Of
the two he should have had the lower
berth. But the other general was in
flexible, and Miles had to climb labori-
Ously into the unwelCome port.
Down below the triumphant general
chuckled, while the notes from the up
per berth, where Miles was trying to
adjust himself for the nights sleep,
could by no means have been mistaken
for a vesper service.
by midnight the Pullman's diapason
of snores indicated peace. Suddenly
an uproar disturbed the sleepers. The
trouble was between a very insistent
woman who had boarded the train at a
town IN western Pennsylvania and
the porter.
General Miles pushed aside the cur
tains Madam he roared, what in
heavens name is the matterP
"'Matter! she repeated. I arranged
by telegraph for a berth in this car,
and the porter tells me that two army
men have got accommodations and
that must sit up
THAT'S all right. madam replied
Miles. L can arrange matters for you.
My little boy is occupying the berth
under me, and you can turn in with
him.
THE excited woman Gained down,
expressed her thanks and proceeded to
make ready for the night. At this
juncture the little general was awak-
ened.
"'There now, little boy said the
woman. detecting signs of uneasiness
in the darkened berth; don't make any
noise Your father told me to sleep
here
What does this meanT exclaimed
the now thoroughly aroused and
wrathful little general.
"The woman repeated her instruc-
lions.
Madam came the voice from the
lower berth, L am General X. Of the
United States army, and 1 command
you instantly
"He never finished his stern order.
With a shrek the woman snatched
her belongings and fled to some remote
part of the train. But. while the rest
of the awakened and convulsed occu-
pants enjoyed the performance, there
ensued a colloquy between the general
and Miles that was suggestive of a
field of carnage. The little man could
not be Modified. He swore vendetta
against Miles, and the enmity has in
creased with years"
General Miles has proved himself a
strategist in more ways than one, but
he never more clearly showed the true
soldier spirit than by clever coup he
executed on a train between Washing
ton and New York the other day. On
taking his seat In the chair car he
found himself in close proximity to a
young woman whose family had long
been on terms of intimacy with his
own and q young man to whom had
been conf1ded the pleasant duty of act
ing as her escort. The gallant general
Immediately entered into conversation
with the twain. The day was hot and
the escort had lost much sleep the
night before, SO that soon after the
train pulled out of the Baltimore sta
ton the young man was nodding.
A waiter announced dinner lin the
Ching car ahead" but the young man
slept on, apparently lulled by the con-
slant flow of the generals converse
ton and the rhythm of the train. That
was the generals opportunity. He in
vited the young woman to dinner and
she accepted. When the general and
his fair partner returned, the escort still
slept, nor did he awaken until after
the dining car had been detached.
Whom he ascertained that he was too