The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1903-04-26
NEE there was n Happy Fam
ily that began to get q few
hard Bumps when Ma bought
a Work on Etiquette. Up to
that time tho Outfit had not
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- mo- tried to thrown on any Lugs.
Tho Male Contingent slouched around
the House in their Shirt Sleeves. while
the Girls often came to Breakfast In
their Balloon Wrappers. and never
thought OF primping until about P.
NJ. Father had an assortment OF RUDE
Table Manners, left over from his ear
ly Experience on the Farm.
He never saw the sense OF changing
Knives when he hacked into the But
ter, and as for using the side OF the
Spoon, he never could get the Hang Of
II.
Up to the Time that he married and
became House broke. he had been q
Sword -Swalower IN 81 Bcanery. For
Years he ul,-ended his Soup Plate. 30
as to get all that was coming to him,
and cooled his Coffee In the Saucer
and concluded his Exhibition of Bar
barrie Sports by using large, linn
Der piece of Bread as Mop.
His Wife worked on him. for twenty
years. and finally had him SO civilized
that he no longer tucked the Napkin
Inside OF his Collar. although he still
put both Elbows on the Table and
groaned little Just before taclsling
the Pie.
Ma belonged to several Clubs and be-
gan to meet tho Lady Managers Of So
ciety. It was her Ambition to lift her
own Family out of the Skate Division
and get the whole Bunch into the local
400. That Is why she bought the Vol
ume containing this years League
Rules for cutting into High Life.
She wanted the Boys to forget their
corn-fed Origin and do the Reginald
Act and learn how to act In the Pres
ence OF Ladies', They were mostly
Hands and Feet. and had no Ambition
In life except to play Base-Ball, put
still she went to work on them hope
fully, knowing that our most Exclu.
sive Circles are more or less c.osgeu
up with Counterfeits whom Nature
intended for the Hay Fields.
Tho Girls we're Sad Lot when Ma
lined them up and decided 10 trans
form them into Drawing Room Queens.
They were Gum Chewers of the most
abandoned Type, and what they did 10
the English Language 1t would be
shame to tell. Each of them was more
or less stuck on some chinless Percy,
who wore his Watch Chain high up
and rubbed himself with Eau dc Cos
logne. They had read Popular Moves
until they were trifle Moony. 'lhelr
conception OF Romance was 10 eau
Pickles and write Notes on Blue "a
per.
Mas Purpose in studying the BOOK
of Etiquette was to remove me h'nks
from this array of Raw Material,
She wanted each of the Boys TO be
a Chesterfield while the Girls were ex-
pected to brace up and follow IN inc
footsteps of Mrs. Sherwood,
AS Director of the Training school
she had to call them down about Loo
times per Day, When she had Com
pany the Boys always forgot to arise
when Lady entered the Room, When
Dinner was announced they We're al
ways First at the Table, Instead OF
conversing with tho Persons seated
next to them, they bumped over and
got busy with the Vittles,
AS for the Girls. they usually hocked
In Corner and had a Whispering Bee
At the Table they would get an Attack
of the Giggles, without letting any one
else In on the Good Thing, thus maxi
ing 1t very enjoyable for the Guests.
To cap the Climax. the Male Parent
would usually try to lift Che Gloom by
springing some Ancient Wheeze, out
awed by Haverly' Ministries as far
back as 1850. s
Ma had prcud Chance to win
Social Standing so long as she was
handicapped by that Band of Yokels
sust when she wsslld be talking Art
80 : Massachusetts Accent. one Of