Deseret evening news. [volume] (Great Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1867-1920, 1903-05-28

the Revolution, all the great heroes OF
the war OF 1912, all the great heroes Of
Mexico, and the heroes Of the war with
Spain, who are not dead, Will be in pro-
cession all over the country, those
mighty spirits. but they VIII not be at
the Democratic convention at Kansas
city.
IA voice. "And the war Of the rebel
llon"l
"And the war of the rebellion. There
Is one gentleman who Is detained from
there and from the welcome which they
would delight 10 give him, but he Is at
present engaged in running a foot race
under the blazing sun from the soldiers
Of the United States. tLaughterl
George Washington's spirit viii not
be there, but George Washington Agu-
inaldo, II he could, would be there as
welcome delegate. daughter and APP
plause.l
"And then will come the great card
Of the convention, headed by the great
Bryan himself Down with the trusts.
Down with the trusts. And when the
applause Is over It win be found that
the pitchers on the table have been
broken by the clashng Of the ice With
in prolonged laughter and cheerIngl.
for the ice Will be making merry al Ave
cents a chunk
a NEW STORY.
IL heard a story--this Is a brand new
story, 10 IL the vintage OF June, 1900.
Most OF my stories are more venerable
There was a lady with her husband In
Florida last winter He con-
sumptive and she a strenuous and tu-
multuous woman. Laughter Her
one remark was, as they sat on the pi-
azza, Stop coughing, John
John had q hemorrhage, The doc
tor said he must stay in bed six weeks,
His tumultuous wife sand Doctor. 1t
Is impossible We are travelling ON a
tlme-limited ticket, and we have got
several more places to 90 to- Laughter
and applause So she carried him on,
The next station they got to the poor
man died, and the sympathetic hotel
proprietor said. Poor madam, what
shall we do?. She said; Box him up.
] have got a time-limlted ticket and
several more places TO 20 to- Laugh
ter and applause.l
Nov, we buried 16 TO In q 1896. We
put a monument over II weighing as
many tons as the Sierra Nevada, when
gold was put into the statutes by a
Republican Congress and the signature
Of william Mckinley.
"Co Bryan has been a body-snatcher.
He has got the corpse out from under
the monument, but II is dead. He has
got II in its coffin, carrying Il along,
as the bereaved widow, because he
says: I must, ! must; am welded to
this body Of sin and death, I must,
must. because I have time limit
which expires IN November Laugh
ter and applause,
FROM THE OTHER SIDE.
Il remember when | used to 70
abroad, II Is good thing for a Yam
kee 10 go abroad l used to be asham-
ed because everywhere they would soy.
What Is the matter with the Declara-
ton OF Independence when you have
slavery Ia your landg
Wen, We took slavery out and now
no American Is ashamed 20 go abroad.
When / went abroad afterwards the
ship was fun Of merchants buying iron,
and buying steel. and buying wool, and
buying cotton and all kinds OF goods.
Now, when an American goes
around the world. what happens to him
when he reaches the capital OF Japan?
He rides on an electric railway made
by American mechanics When he
reaches the territory Of China he rides
under an electric light invented by Mr..
Edison, and put up by American arti-
sans.
when he goes over the great railway
across Siberia, from China 10 ST. Pc
tersburg he rides on American rails in
cars drawn by American locomotives.
When he goes 10 Germany he finds our
iron and steel climbing over a $3.50 tar
IN, and thereby soaring the kaiser most
out OF his wits. Laughter
when he reaches the great EXposi-
ton at Paris he finds the French wine
maker saving that American wine cam
not he admitted there for the purposes
of judgment When he goes 20 old
London. he gets Tor breakfast Califor-
MIA fruit. lie gets for luncheon bis
cult and bread made Of western flour.
and he gets for dinner roast beef Of old
England taken from the plains Of Mon
tana. Laughter His feet rest on a
carpet marked Administer. made al
lOnkers, n Y. Renewed laughter1
Now, my friends. this canvass we
are entering upon is a canvass OF the
future. The past Is only Tor record and
for reference. And. thank God. we have
a reference and a record.
ABOUT THE FUTURE.
"What Is the tendency OF the future'
Why this war In South Africa? Why