Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1903-02-11
AUTOBIOGRAPHY
OF A BLUFFER
AS Recorded by F. E. Elwell

T WAS born under an unlucky star,
so l had been informed by the horo.
scope writer, and there may have
been some truth in this statement
However, l must have realized this
fact in my youth for no opportunity
was lost to set things right with my
self and the world.
I knew it all.
There was no one who could tell me
anything or teach me anything that
had not heard or known before. AS l
look back on my youthful years l am
bound to deliver myself of entire blame
because there was no one to instruct
me in the way of truth.
My lot was cast with those who, by
their wits, earned whatever was neces-
iary for their existence. The main idea
instilled into my mind was to bluff ii
out on all occasions. This was consid.
cred among those found around me as
the highest form of education.
Many Of our present-day politicians
have learned this lesson in the same
school, and have been able to bluff the
public out of a good deal.
was in the country one day with q
party of other kids, who had been given
an outing by some charity. A gentle
man said to me, Tommy, do you know
anything about flying kites?'
l replied, yep; all about it,"
1t crossed my mind later in the day
that would meet this same gentleman
at the Newsboys' Retreat, where 1 used
to go and enjoy few hours in the
evening. l had learned to read in this
place, and had found the accomplish
ment of great use to me.
For this foolish remark. which was
at once a lie, a boast and straight
bluff, I was obliged to delve in the
books of the little library half the
night, and until my head fairly split.
He asked me the questions all right
the next day, pinned ME down to an
answer. and thought that he had
caught me so that he could moralize
about It, but 1 came up all right,
looked him square in the eye and was
ready with many answers that pleased
MIN. He took to me and was the
means of my first lift in the world.
Strange to say, l have never forgot
ten this information and have used it a
thousand times since.
Many bluffs of this nature were
handled in the same way. causing an
amount of mental labor entirely un-
nescessary, but filling my mind with
useful knowledge. AS l grew older,
learned little by experience, but very
little, for there seemed always the fool
tsh desire to pose as somebody and
never admit that 1 did not know.
Among my associates of my own age
1t was an easy matter to bluff but this
did not satisfy the egotism in my ma
lure; still fancied that it was evidence
of intellectual supremacy to pretend to
know more than l really did. This pre-
tense naturally brought me in CON
tact with some higher than myself, so
that l was at times put to sore straits.
BY this time | was an expert on bluff,
and had risen steadily in my position,
solely as l see it now on bluff, pure
and simple.
During the period of my employment,
before l had become one of the firm,
many interesting things occurred.
had many narrow escapes.
1t was frequently said of me, "He
knows a lot" This fattered me great
iy, and I actually came to believe it
myself. There was remarkable lack
Of humiliating circumstances in my
early life. l succeeded in bluf1ing
through most trying conditions, 1t was
my game and l learned to play II
well.
In my early business career when
ever my bluff was found out, | simply
sought another place and generally
won on bluff, pretending to know
much, when l knew nothing l would
bluff some simple chap to tell me as
much as he could about the work, and
then l would add my bluff, so little
by little, by sticking to the same bust.
ness, I swung into a fine position of
trust in n big concern.
1t would seem that here, at least. one
would be satisfied. l was still unmar.
ried, well-to-do and respected in my
district. l entered politics on a dead
straight bluff, won out. and after serv.
ing several terms in the Assembly and
In various political positions found my.
seif Governor, in the seat of honor al
The State capital. Monumental bluff
had secured for me what many mcr
hore worthy could not attain. l wa,
jhe pride of my district, and was point
VI out as q model man, fine charat