Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1903-09-08
SUED
Aa(Szs}Ez'Ez

"use- Nellie says she is II. Mar
lorie-"Yes, a. marked down from
39."-Judge.
Viola-Why did they separate? Myr
tle-Nobody knows. viola-How dread
ful.-Judge.
WHAT'S the trouble, Willie?'' said
Mrs, Brown to her small son. who was
crying MY kite won't fiy,' sobbed
Willie, "aaa made it out of fly-paper,
too"
What are the last teeth that Gomez"
asked school-teacher of her class In
physiology. False teeth, num-
quickly replied one of the smaller pu-
pills.
Teacher-Now. Tommy, you know it
Is impossible to be in two places at
once. Tommy-Two places? Why,
pop is at Thousand Islands now.-Chi-
cago News
Blink What kind of cigar is that,
old man% Blank-"It's called The
Soldier Boy" Blink-'H'm! l no
tice it belongs to the ranks. Chicago
Daily News.
Spendthrift's got himself in a
pot of hot water" She-'Playing with
fire again? He-'Yes; two of his
flames met last night "-Woman'N
Home Companion.
Miss Cable seems to be pleasant
person to talk to-" Huh! she doesn't
seem to think So" "Why-er-how do
you meanT "She seems to think she's
pleasant person to listen to-"
Il wish to marry your daughter"
said the young man. The old man
was a sensible old man. Can sup
port you in the style to which you have
been accustomedy he asked.-Puck.
Old Maid who wants a portrait of
her dog)-'Do you take instantaneous
photographs herep photographer
Boy-"Yes, ma'am; run right in, and
he'll take it afore you're minute
older"
Hundtswill-"It seems that in all
railroad accidents the first and last
cars are always the ones that are in
jured." 'Rourke-" Shure, an won
der why they don't lave thin two cars
off the train entoirely"
Young Bride pouting) Here we
have only been married two days,
Clarence, and you're scolding me al
ready" Husband-"I know, my dear;
but Just think how long / have been
waiting for the chance. Tit-Bits.
"WeT, well,'' said the old lady living
inland, when she heard that her favor
lite grandson was going to Europe. Pm
glad that it's now he's going to cross,
for it's been a dry summer, and the
sea won't he so deep as common"
"This offer of your heart and hand Is
very sudden" said the summer girl,
but l will take it," abr gasped the
swell dry goods clerk badly ratified,
will you take it with you, or shall 1
send it home Philadelphia Public
Ledger.
Towne-He's very wealthy. Mrs.
Towne-Yes, and very stingy and eco
nomical. Towne-You don't know that.
You mustn't judge a man by his
clothes. Mrs. Towne- Certainly not;
I'm judging him by his wife's clothes.
Philadelphia Press.
Mrs Newed-My husband, l regret
to say, is a man of very poor taste.
Miss Singleton-Well, you ought to be
thankful that such is the case. Mrs.
Newed-Why SO? Miss Singleton
Otherwise he would still be in the
bachelor class.-Chicago News
Chollie-"I went down to a rather in
formal affair last evening my deah
boy, and gwacious! l was compelled
to witness a sickening sight" "Hor-
rors! What was itY' "A fellow with
out evening dress eating breakfast
food for support Baltimore Herald.
Iamma-"Oh, you bad boy! Where
have you been all this time? Don't
you think you should be ashamed to
worry your mother SOP" The Boy
"Well. mamma, I'm willing to be
ashamed that 1 worried you If you'll
promise not to tell pa anything that'll
worry me-"
She had been giving her class of lit
tie girls history of the Mississippi
River and incidentally stated to them
that the word mississippi" meant
Father of Waters" One of the small
est tots in the class, after hearing this
statement, raised her hand and said:
miss Johnson, IL that name means
Father of Waters why didn't they
call the river Mister Sippi:"
Mr.. Potts Ito his wife)-My dear,
the air is chilly. Fermez in fenetre.
The Visitor (sotto voce)-Wly do you
ask vour wife in French to shut the
window? Mr.. Potts (ditto)-Because
Won are here. If / asked her in Eng
fish she wouldn't do it, as she won't
take instructions from me before Wis
itors. But if l say it in French she
gets up and does it at once, SO as to
LET YOU see that she understands the
language PickMe-Up.
"Ah," says the kind neighbor on the
9Th Of July, 81 am glad to see you
without a scratch to-day, Willie.
Where are all your folks?" Papa Is
in the hospital" answers Willie, land
mamma is upstairs rubbing oil on her
blisters, and grandpa has gone TO the
doctor to get his arm set again, and
Uncle John is down trying to find
something that will restore burned
whiskers." why. how did they all
get hurt?" "They all wanted to show
me how to light my pinwheels and
things"
A TeIItale Envelope.
A genius has invented an envelope
which records Of itself any attempt
To tamper with its contents. The Zap