Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1903-03-26

machines are holding them for rise.
Baltimore American.
Mrs. Henpecque-Mar men live
longer than single men. Henpecque-
Yes; and it serves them right.-Detroit
Free Press.
Mary" said the mother. sharply,
you mustn't say We'll never That
is slang" well never slang mother
If l know it."
IL used to consider him one of the
most interesting takers ever heard
Yes: but that was before he began
telling the cute things his baby says"
Not one, but many: Mrs. Stubs
They have captured the ceverest hotel
robber in the country, dear. Mr.. Stubs
Indeed. Which hotel did he keep
Tit-Bits.
Literal Mistress-What in the world
are you putting ashes on the floor for,
Bridget? Bridget-Shure, ma am, an
didn't yez say to doost the parlor?-
Town and Country.
The modern novel is bounded on the
east by blood, on the west by thunder.
on the north by gossip. on the south
by inanities, and is surrounded by ad-
vertisements.-Bal News
Doctor" said the wife. do you
think dyspepsia makes my husband ir-
ritabley" II know It," replied the man
Of medicine. I'm try to get him we'll
so | can get my bill without a kick"
Little Boy" demonstrated the Kind
Old Lady, don't you know it is very
wrong for children like you to smoke
cigarettes?' "Aw, gwan," replied the
Incorrigible, do youse expect me t eat
'em ?"-Cincinnati Commercial Trib-
une.
Il understand" said the German
town girl, that you and Charlie are
engaged" Not yet" replied the truth
full maid. although he held my hand
for over an hour the other evening, and
that's good ways toward being en-
gagged"
John, dear" said the poets wife, 81
wish you'd write poem thatll buy
three pounds of beef; and we'll need a
sonnet for ham. an ode for Il sack of
-four, lyric for lard, and a quatrain
for a box of matches There. believe
that's all this morning. Con
sttution.
In your verniform appendix the
surgeon told him after the operation
was over, we found, strange to say,
small brass tack" That proves |
was right feebly answered the sick
man, when | said it was something |
had eaten in mnce pie. "-Chlcago
| Tribune.
Yes" said the meek looking woman.
I'm glad Mr.. Barker isn't on jury
duty any more" Did he find it lrk-
some:' VERY. Mr. Barker couldn't
express an opinion without appearing
| to agree with some of the other men,
and it irritated him terribly. Wash
ington Star.
Jeweler-Diamond shirt studs? Yes,
sir; here's a set neat little stones, for
| $125. Customer-Huh! Out home in
California | can GET JeWeler-Ah,
/
yes, pardon me, here you are. Just look
at these big flashes. Three carats each!
Sell you that set for $3 .50.-Philadel-
phia Press.
Personal: Mrs. Clifton-Yes, she
was furious about the way in which
that paper reported her marriage. Miss
Avondale-Did it allude TO her age:
Miss Clifton-Indircctly 1t state d that
Miss Olde and Mr.. Yale were married.
the latter being well-knOwn collector
of antiques. "-Saxby's Magazine.
why don't you try to live down
your past?' asked the visitor at the
iail. Its no use," answered the pris
oner. Not If you're sincerely sorry
"Bein' sorry don't do no good. When
deyve got your picture in de rogues
gallery you've got to git out o de bust
ness. It's worse dan bein' up agin a
trust Puck.
Washington officials say young WON
Ell handle money more rapidly thar
older ones, and there can be no doubt
about it. The amount of money that
can pass through the hands of a young
woman has frequently paralyzed d
young husband who thought he was
something of spendthrift himself
st. Louis Post-Dispatch.
Fiendish revenge: The burglar soft
ly opened the door of the suburbanite'.
sleeping apartment slipped inside, bu
found nothing worth stealing. "DarI
him. he soliloquized: "I'l get some
satisfaction out of him, anyway
Thereupop he set the alarm clock OF
the bureau for the hour of three, anC
softly departed.--Chicago Tribune.
Could recommend them: Il would ad
wise you," he said to the friend he was
taking home to dinner. ''to try some OF
my wife's branded peaches. OF COURSE
know you don't care for them ordin
arily, but these are worth trying" lex
ira good, are they:' well, bOugh
the brandy myself and dumped an eX
ira bottle of it In when she WASH
looking. "-Chicago Post.
The baby's cries outclassed: Mrs
innegan-Shure, Mrs. Murphy. doe!
yez baby croy much wild cuttin' hi
n