davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Bamberg herald. [volume] (Bamberg, S.C.) 1891-1972, 1903-01-08
HE WAS A PAINTER.
Drunken Prisoners Excuse In .
New York Police Court.

A Drunken Prisoners Excuse In .
New York Police Court.
It Is characteristic of almost all the
prisoners except the drunks that their
chief concern Is to secure delay. They
plead and beg foS an adjournment,
which they know will only postpone
the inevitable for q day OF two. and
that although, through their inability
to obtain ball. they viii have to stay In
prison just the same. The post plaua.
BILE explanation ts that they all are
fatalists, always hoping that something
unexpected may turn up to stave Oh
the impending catastrophe. The
drunks, ON the other hand, are more
eager to face the arbiter Of their fateA
knowing that nothing worse than fine
is likely to befal them and that the
sooner It is imposed the sooner It may
be paid or served OF. And then there
Is the chance, II the magist<k is -
good humor, that they may get away
unscathed at once.
As q rule, although not seldom SUI
in their cups, they are loath to make
any incriminating admissions. NO
SIR" protested a man who kept himself
from falling over by holding on new.
ously to tho bar; I'm not drunk
cause no ones drunk who's not falling
all over himself" Excuses Of the most
wonderful kind some Of them really
ingenious, others merely ridiculous, are
put forward when the futility Of feign-
ing innocence has been discovered. The
cleyerest explanation Of that kind that
I. ever heard was advanced by man
who, when taxed with having dia-
played unmistakable signs Of into1iea.
ton, simply replied that he was q
painter by trade. =
'That hos nothing to do With your
condition." said the magistrate. h
"Of course it has," rejoined the pris-
oner. Il was painting barber pole
and kept on twisting after the stripes
until got so dizzy that the cop thought
was boozy."- Biorkman In
Century.
The Bamberg herald. [volume] (Bamberg, S.C.) 1891-1972, 1903-01-08
WHILE WE SLEEP.
The Muscles and Organs of the Bod,
Are Still Working.

The Muscles and Organs OF the Body
Are Still Working.
If the organs Of the body cannot be
said to sleep, neither can the voluntary
muscles. Witness the phenomena OF
sleepwalking, the positions In stage
coach days who slept in their saddles
and cavalrymen who do it today, In
fantry who have been known to sleep
on forced marches, sentinels who walk
their beats carrying their guns in q
fixed position while they sleep. For
al we know policemen may do it too.
People who talk in their sleep are fa-
miliar to all Of us. Experiments made
by Speir, Armstrong and Child on 200
college students Of both sexes showed
that Al per cent Of the men and 81
per cent Of the women talked In their
sleep. A number Of things might be
proved by these statistics. OF these
sleep takers one-half Of the women
and one-third Of the men are able to
answer questions while asleep. More
women than men could answer ques.
tions on any subject, not alone that OF
which they had been talking. 1t has
also been found that most sleep talk.
ers are under twenty-five years Of age.
Evidently, then, with the muscles
and organs Of the body all working, it
is the brain only that sleeps. and by
no means all of the brain. The senses
Of sight, hearing, touch, smell and
taste may be very much awake while
the subject sleeps. A sleeping person
hears and answers questions, rear.
ranges his bedclothing, covers his eyes
to keep out the light, draws away his
hand when the experimenter tickles 1t.
A child Is broken Of the habit Of suck.
ing his thumb while asleep by putting
alocs on it. He Is conscious Of the bit.
ter taste and dreams Of wormwood
The nerves, then, and the brain cen.
ters corresponding to them are awake.
A busy lawyer exhausted by over
work, one night went out to supper
with some friends, ate, talked and
walked with them, and the next day
remembered absolutely nothing Of the
occurrence. he had not been drinking.
The man was simply asleep during the
whole evening. His conscious mem
ory-that is. consciousness itself-slept.
-Ainslee's Magazine.
The Bamberg herald. [volume] (Bamberg, S.C.) 1891-1972, 1903-01-08
What Puzzled Louis.

Louis Philippe was Wit. What he
specially excelled in was the clinching
Of an argument, such as. for instance,
his final remark on the death Of Talley.
rand. He had paid him q visit the day
before. When the news Of the princes
death was brought to him, he said.
"Are you sure he is dead" Every
sure, SIRE" was the answer. "Why,
did not your majesty himself notice
yesterday that he was dying?" II did,
but there Is no Judging from appear
ances with Talleyrand, and I have
been asking myself for the last four
and twenty hours what interest he
could possibly have in departing at
this particular moment"
The Bamberg herald. [volume] (Bamberg, S.C.) 1891-1972, 1903-01-08
USE OF FALSE TEETH.
Two Millions Manufactured Annual
IL In the United States.

Two Millions Manufactured Annual
Iy In the United States.
Probably not less than 100000 arti-
fetal teeth are manufactured in this
country each year, and still the output
goes on increasing. Never before was
such great care manifested for teeth as
has been exhibited during the past five
years In this respect Americans lead
the world, not even the fastidiOus
French eXcelling the people Of the
United States in their solicitude for
the preservation of natural teeth and in
their application Of the arts Of dental
science when substitutes have to be
provided for natures molars.
Englishmen are notoriously careless
about their teeth, although in late
years great progress has been made In
this matter.
A prominent dentist Of New York de-
clares that nearly every patient with a
mouthful Of decayed teeth is foreign
er. 'They let things drift" he says,
"and come only when pain drives them
here. Americans, and especially south
erners, hasten to their dentist immedi-
ately they detect even the slightest
signs Of coming trouble, and the result
Is that there are by far more saved
teeth in this country than IN any other.
Englishmen and Irishmen are remark
ably apathetic about their molars and
will go about for years with hopelessly
decayed teeth."-New York Times.
The Bamberg herald. [volume] (Bamberg, S.C.) 1891-1972, 1903-01-08
Mortar TOsscrs.

There Is no bod carrying in Japan.
The native builders have q method Of
transferring mortar which makes 1t
seem more like play than work to the
onlooker. The mortar is mixed up In q
pile in the street. One man makes this
up into balls Of about six pounds
weight, which he tosses to a man who
stands on O ladder midway between
the roof and the ball. This man deftiy
catches the ball and tosses it up to a
man who stands on the roof. This
plan would scarcely work for skyscrap-
era.
The Bamberg herald. [volume] (Bamberg, S.C.) 1891-1972, 1903-01-08
THREE GREAT CANYONS.
Yosemite, Yellowstone and Grand
Canyon Of the Colorado Compared.

Yosemite, Yellowstone and Grand
Canyon Of the Colorado Compared.
The justly famous Grand Canyon Of
the Yellowstone is, like the Colorado,
gorgcously colored and abruptly coun.
terSunk IN q plateau, and both are
mainly the work Of water. But the Col
oraGo'S CANON is moro than LOCO times
hrc or, AID as score or two new build
tnss Of ordinary size would not aDpre-
ci;.hly change the general view of
great city SO hundreds Of Ieliowstones
might be eroded in the sides OF the Col
orado canyon without noticeably aug
mcnting its size or the richness Of its
sculpture. But it is not true that the
great Yosemite rocks would be thus
lost or hidden. Nothing Of their kind In
the world, so far as know, rivals FL
Captain and Tissiack, much less
dwarfs or in any way belittlcs them.
None Of the sandstone or limestone
prccipiccs of the canyon that l have
seen or heard Of approaches in smooth.
flawless strength and grandeur the
granite face of El Captain or the Te-
maya side Of Clouds Rest. These CO.
lossal cliffs, types Of pcrmanence, are
about 5000 and 6,OO0 feet high; those
Of the canyon that are sheer are about
half as high and are types Of feeting
change, while glorious domed Tissiack,
noblcst Of mountain buildings, far
from being overshadowed or lost in this
rosy, spiry canyon company, would
draw every eye and in serene majesty
'aboon them a." she would take her
place--castle, temple, palace or tower.
Nevertheless noted writer, comparing
the Grand canyon in general way
with the glacial Yosemite, says: "And
the Yosemite-ah, the lovely Yosemite!
Dumped down into the wilderness OF
gorges and mountains, it would take
guide who knew of its existence a long
time to find It," This is striking and
shows up we'll above the levels Of COM
monplace description, but 1t is confus-
ing and has the fatal fault Of not being
true-John Muir in Century.
The Bamberg herald. [volume] (Bamberg, S.C.) 1891-1972, 1903-01-08
Bliad Men a. shampooers.

x do pity these blind men so," said
o stranger In the city who had been ap-
preached BY so many blind" men In
walking down the avenue that he won
dered how these beggars picked him
ont 20 readily.
And yet" said his host, there are
many lines Of work which they could
do instead Of begging. For example,
most Of the shampooers in Japan are
blind men. Some are so well to do
that they own their own houses, and
their patrons go to them for treatment.
Others who have not succeeded 80 we'll
70 from house to house. and the rest
Of the people from sympathy guide
them from place to place. Some Of
them walk alone, blowing on bamboo
whistles. There was time when some
Of them were doctors as well as sham
pooers. New York Tribune.
The Bamberg herald. [volume] (Bamberg, S.C.) 1891-1972, 1903-01-08
A Queer Library.

A curious collection Of books is con.
tanned in the library Of Warstentein,
near Cassel, In Germany. The books
appear at first sight to be logs Of wood,
but each volume Is really complete
history Of the tree it represents. The
back shows the bark, in which small
place is cut to write the scientific and
common name as q title. One side
shows the tree trunk in its natural
state, and the other is polished and
vanished. Inside are shown the leaves,
fruit, fiber and insect parasites, to
which is added a full description Of the
tree and its products.
The Bamberg herald. [volume] (Bamberg, S.C.) 1891-1972, 1903-01-08
Some Words.

According to the late Richard A.
Proctor, says the London Chronicle,
the phrase 81 guess" to English ears
so ridiculous, is really Identical with
the old expression, II wis.," meaning
Il know" The word guess" has
changed it's meaning entirely in Eng
land, but has partly preserved it in
America, where of course the native
says Il guess" when he is more or less
in state Of certainty. There are many
other examples of words that have
played fast and loose with ''g" and
w." such as guardian" and ward
en-" guard" and ward" ''guichet"
and wicket"
The Bamberg herald. [volume] (Bamberg, S.C.) 1891-1972, 1903-01-08
HE WORKED THE BANKER.
How . Clever Merchant Killed I've
Birds With One Stone. x

How q Clever Merchant Killed TIVE
Birds With One Stone. 4
Recently a wealthy merchant In Pars
is who does an extensive business with
Japan was Informed that a prominent
firm in Yokohama had failed, but the
name Of the firm he could not learn.
though he was most anxious to ascer
tain whether it was the one with which
be did most Of his business In that city.
He could have learned the truth by
cabling, but instead he went % thg
man, a well known banker, Wha bad
received the news and requested him
to reveal the name Of the firm to him.
'Tbat's q very delicate thing % datHs
replied the banker, tor the neND M
not official, and II I gave yeu the name
I might incur some responsibility" s.
The merchant argued, but in svai1,
and finally he made this proposition:
II will give you" he said. "a nst Of
ten firms In Yokohama, and I WIN asis
you to look through Il and then 70 tell
me, without mentioning any name
whether or not the name Of the nrm
which has failed appears In It Surely
you will do that for meT :
YES" said the banker, tor if do
not mention any name l cannot be held
responsible In any way" =
The list was made. The banker
looked through it and as he handed 4
back to the merchant said, .'The name
Of the firm which has failed is there.
"Then I've lost heavily" replied the
merchant, FOR that is the firm with
which l did business" showing him Z
name on the. list. :
"But how do you know that 1s the
firm which has failedT asked the
banker in surprise. :
VERY easily" replied the merchant
"Of the ten names on the list only one
Is genuine, that Of the firm with which
I did business. All the others are ficd-
tious." 8
The Bamberg herald. [volume] (Bamberg, S.C.) 1891-1972, 1903-01-08
Two Of q Kind.

An old woman recently entered an
opticians shop and asked to look at
some spectacles. Choosing pair, she
asked the price.
'"Five shtllings," was the answer.
"And how much are they without the
case"
II could not sell them for less than
4s. 10d.," said the tradesman, who was
determined to get all he could.
do you take off twopence for the
caseT queried the woman.
That is all. The case Is worth no
more than twopence," was the reply.
"That is good newsp calculated the
old lady, with sigh Of relief. Its the
case for mine which have lost"
So saying she laid down the two
pence and marched off with the coveted
case before the astonished shopkeeper
had time to interfere-London An
sWerS.
The Bamberg herald. [volume] (Bamberg, S.C.) 1891-1972, 1903-01-08
ORIGIN of the Red Cap OF Liberty

The red cap of liberty had very pro-
sale origin. Instead Of being the
"Phrygian bonnet" it is just the galley
slaves headgear. The Swiss Of the
Chateauroux regiment senAto the gal
leys for their share in the %ancy riots
were released and came into Paris with
the red caps still on their heads. 'They
are the victims Of despotism," said tho
people, forgetting the circumstances Of
the riot, and so the red cap became the
favorite with the extreme party.
The Bamberg herald. [volume] (Bamberg, S.C.) 1891-1972, 1903-01-08
To Thread q Hair Through q Walnut

To Thread a Hair Through q Walnut.
Tc pass a hair through walnut
without boring hole seems an impos-
sibility, but the feat has often been
done. The hull Of the walnut when
examined with a strong glass is seen
to have innumerable small openings,
some of which lead entirely through
the nut. The trick consists in using
very fine hair and an infinite amount
Of patience. Pass the hair into one OF
these minute creyices and urge it gen.
tly along. Sometimes it will appear on
the other side at the first trial. but if
it comes out at the hundred and first
you will be very lucky.
The Bamberg herald. [volume] (Bamberg, S.C.) 1891-1972, 1903-01-08

DR.. Hauslick once asked Schnmann
how he got on with Wagner.
mot at ALL" replied Schumann; for
me Wagner is impossible. Doubtless
he is a very clever man, but he talks
too fast-one cannot get word in"
Some time after, In an interview
which Hauslick had with Wagner, al
ius1on was made to SchumaRn. j
"With Schumann," said Wagner, 1T
is impossible to arrive at an under
standing. he says nothing. Some
years ago on my return from Paris I
called upon him to talk Of operas, con-
certs. composers and other interesting
matters with which had become &C.
Quainted. Sehumann looked at me
stolidly, or rather he looked into space,
without saying a word. Faith, took
leave Of him almost Immediately. BE
is an impossible man."
The Bamberg herald. [volume] (Bamberg, S.C.) 1891-1972, 1903-01-08
FLAGS ON THE CAPITOL.
What 1t Means When They Are Fly
Ing at Half Mast.

What 1t Means ~Rcn 1Aey arc FiS
ing a, Half Mast.
The flying of flags over the capitol at
half mast is regulated by the strictest
rules. Whenever these tlags arc seen
floating half way down the mast 1t is
q sure indication that vice president,
senator or representative is lying dead
or that the action is taken in response
to presidential proclamation ordering
the flags on public buildings at half
mast in respect to the memory of some
prominent official Of the government
who has passed away.
When the sergeant at arms Of the
senate or house Of representatives
learns Of the death Of member Of
either of those bodies, he at once
orders that the flags over the senate
chamber or hall Of representatives be
half masted. This is often done before
the houses of congress themselves are
officially notified Of the death. A good
deal Of discretion is exercised in the
manner of placing the news of death
Of this kind officially before the senate
or the house. Upon such an announce
ment it is customary for the houses to
adjourn In respect to the deceased SEN
ator or representative, and IN oroer
that the current business may not be
stopped early in the day the announce
ment is generally made just before the
houses are ready to conclude their
days work.
Officers Of the senate and house
when they fly the flags at half mast IN
response to a proclamation by the pres
ident regard their action as one of
courtesy, as they do not recognize the
power Of the president to order con-
gress to do anything except to assem-
BILE in extraordinary session. They
have always responded to the requests
Of such proclamations. 1t would be q
nice question, if one could imagine that
it could ever be raised, to know to
what extent the presidents authority
would allow him to order flags at half
mast on the capitol. While his author
ity would not extend over the en-
ployees Of the senate and house, yet
the capitol itself for many years was
iY fact controlled exclusively by him
so far as the care Of the building is
concerned, and the superintendent or
the building is today appointed by him
without confrmatory action on the
part Of the senate.
AS a matter Of fact, the capitol has
for years been under the direct control
Of the committees on appropriations OF
the two houses Of congress, but that
control has been accorded them by the
failure Of the president to give any Or
ders to the architect or more lately to
the superintendent Of the capitol. II
he should order that official to fly flags
over the capitol at half mast and the
order should be disobeyed, he would
have power to dismiss him and appoint
some one else in his place without the
concurrence of either branch Of con-
gress, except so far as the appropria-
ton for the officials salary would be
involved These are practically moot
questions, but they occasionally form
interesting subjects for f1reside talks
when flags are half masted in response
to presidential proclamations.-Wash-
ington Star.
The Bamberg herald. [volume] (Bamberg, S.C.) 1891-1972, 1903-01-08
Toothache.

If one has a toothache and can't
reach the dentist, try this method of
temporarily allaying the pain: Cleanse
and dry the hollow tooth with a bit OF
cotton. Then put in a small cotton
plug dipped in creosote or oil Of cloves.
Cover this with another bit Of dry cot
ton, or, still better, little .beeswax
and cotton kneaded together. This
keeps out the air and downs the ''mis-
cry" until q dentist can be reached
The Bamberg herald. [volume] (Bamberg, S.C.) 1891-1972, 1903-01-08
The Cast Was Made.

"Do you cast things here" inquired
a smart youth the other day as he
sauntered into a foundry and ad-
dressed the proprietor.
"Yes, we do."
you cast all kinds Of things in
iron, ehY'
Certainly. Don't you see that is our
businessY'
"Ah, well, cast shadow, will your
He was cast out
The Bamberg herald. [volume] (Bamberg, S.C.) 1891-1972, 1903-01-08
What Botnnists Do Not Know.

How water, commonly called sap.
necessary to the life Of tree, passes
from the roots to the topmost leaf and
evaporates is problem not yet solved
by botanists. It is known that the
ascent Is made chiefly in cavities In
the sapwood only, the heart and bark
serving other purposes. That Is the
extent Of our knowledge Of the matter.
Beyond is mere conjecture, and every
theory yet advanced has failed to stand
the test of experiment.
The Bamberg herald. [volume] (Bamberg, S.C.) 1891-1972, 1903-01-08
A Matter Of Fact.

"Do you See the horizon yonder,
where the sky seems to meet the
earth?'
Eyes, uncle"
"Boy, have journeyed so near there
that I couldn't put a sixpence between
my head and the skyw
"Why, uncle, what whopperv'
"It's a fact my lad. I hadn't one to
put."-London Tt-Bits.
The Bamberg herald. [volume] (Bamberg, S.C.) 1891-1972, 1903-01-08
A Coincidence Jcr,

"Did you ever stop to think, my
love-" said Mr.. Micawber, gazing at
his plate Of lobster salad, that the
things we love most In this life are the
very things that never agree with usT'
"Will you be so kind, Micawber,"
said Mrs. Mtcawber, Strengthening up.
''as to tell me whether you are speak
ing Of the salad or Of me, sir?"
The Bamberg herald. [volume] (Bamberg, S.C.) 1891-1972, 1903-01-08
Takin9 No ChancoS.

V0k1nI NO CA8nCo0s
"Do you mean to say that you don't
want a railway through Crimson
GuichT asked the astonlshed sur
veyor.
'That's exactly what mean to say,
young feller," answered Broncho Bob.
"Cactusyille got a railroad, didn't III
And they hadn't it two weeks before a
couple Of men won half the money In
camp. got cold feet took the train and
was gone forever and ever. Crimson
Gulch amt takin' any such chances."
Washington Star.
The Bamberg herald. [volume] (Bamberg, S.C.) 1891-1972, 1903-01-08
lie Had Learned 1t.

81 heard a good story the other day."
began the grocery man, about a GER
tain politician"
THAT will do" interrupted the dis
appointed oficeseeker. I'm the first
place, there are no certain politicians.
Chicago News.
The Bamberg herald. [volume] (Bamberg, S.C.) 1891-1972, 1903-01-08
COckAeY.

"That Englishman Simkins Is very
well fixed, isn't hef" inquired Polk.
"Well," replied Jolk, "some people
think 80, but know he hasn't bit OF
property he can call his own"
Nonsense! He lives in his OWN
house."
THAT may be, but he calls it us
hoWn.' '"-Philadelphia Press.
The Bamberg herald. [volume] (Bamberg, S.C.) 1891-1972, 1903-01-08

The last few hours before q funeral
the clock in the house strikes with q
tone never noticed before and never
apparent again, except on similar oc-
casions.-Atchison Globe.
The Bamberg herald. [volume] (Bamberg, S.C.) 1891-1972, 1903-01-08
A Rub For Tennyson.

When Alfred Tennyson appeared in
the Oxford theater to receive his D. @.
L. degree, Il ts said that his disheveaed
hair and generally negligent state pro-
voked the undergraduates into greeting
him with the inquiry, did your moth
er call you early, call you early, Al
fred, dearT
The Bamberg herald. [volume] (Bamberg, S.C.) 1891-1972, 1903-01-08
Disenchantment.

"How did you enjoy your visit to the
Bermudas, Uncle Jedw
Il was q good deal disappointed.
The onions didn't come up to my ex-
pectations. Why, I've eat better Ber.
muda onions right here."-Chicago
Tribune.
The Bamberg herald. [volume] (Bamberg, S.C.) 1891-1972, 1903-01-08
DiscOntent.

Most men spend one-third Of their
lives trying to make the world differ
ent, another third In learning to live In
it as It is and the remainder In ex-
planning how much better it used to
be.-Washington Times.
The Bamberg herald. [volume] (Bamberg, S.C.) 1891-1972, 1903-01-08
Exchange of Compliments.

Maud-My mamma says she can re-
member when your mamma kept a
grocer's shop.
Marie-My mamma says she can re-
member how much your mamma owes
her for groceries.
The Bamberg herald. [volume] (Bamberg, S.C.) 1891-1972, 1903-01-08
An Old Family.

He-Miss Bellacour claims to belong
to very old family.
She-Well, she's justified There are
six those girls, and the youngest Of
them must be at least thirty.
The Bamberg herald. [volume] (Bamberg, S.C.) 1891-1972, 1903-01-08
Intellectual.

"Just fahncy, Weginald, I've forgot
ten ma cahrd case"
"Nevah mind, deah boy, III lend you
some Of mine.~
"But-ah-the name would be differ
ent, you know"
"Bah Jove, so it would! What head
you have, Algyv
The Bamberg herald. [volume] (Bamberg, S.C.) 1891-1972, 1903-01-08
Excellent Explanation.

"Why is a woman-honest now
why is wife cross"
Before marriage she was an /.
After marriage she leaned on another
l, and they formed an K. OF course
she's cross and so are you, I'll bet."-
New York Times.
The Bamberg herald. [volume] (Bamberg, S.C.) 1891-1972, 1903-01-08
ReckIessness of a Beginner.

ReckIessness of q Beginner.
Old Stager-I see this is your first
campaign.
it?
Old Stager-You are distributing real
Havana cigars.-Chicago Tribune.