davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1903-07-25
COnundrunlR.

Why is n fashionable lady like a
steam engine? Because she has a train
behind her.
What relation is n door scraper to a
door mat? Step farther.
Why is a horse the most curious feed
err in the world? Because he eats best
when there is not bit in his mouth.
What flower is always under your
nose? Tulip.
A washerwOman dropped something
she couldn't pick up. What was it?
Water.
Why is n cat like a match? Because
the cat lights on it's feet and the
match lights on its head.
Why is an elephant an unwelcome
caller? Because he always brings his
trunk with him.
What is the strongest rope in the
world? Europe.
What is the oldest table in the world
The multiplication table.
Why is the heart of a tree like the
tail of a dog? Because it is farthest
away from the bark.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1903-07-25
YOUNG ALLIGATORS.
They Feed but Once n Month md
Then Prefer Live Food.

They Feed but Once Month md
Then Prefer Live Food.
1.-THE thing of it being difficult to in
duce an alligator in captivity to eat is
mistaken idea" said man who
owns a young alligator and knows all
about them. THE question is how.
First of all, an alligator feeds but once
n month and then prefers to eat any
thing that suggests life-anything that
moves Fer this reason angleworms,
besides being good food for it, prove at
tractive to the eye of a small gator
and later disappears with the same rel
! ish it would were the alligator in the
streams of its native regions. Again,
small portion of raw beef makes excel
| lent food for it, and the alligator never
refuses to eat of Il piece that is tied to
string and slowly drawn along in
front of him, in this way giving sug-
gestion of life to the food. Another
thing very important to know in the
! care of an alligator is to exactly under
/ stand how to make it comfortable. The
/ best and simplest plan is to secure n
/ box, any ordinary wooden box, and fill
| the bottom with sand, which is then
covered with moss. Also have placed
| inside of the box, which must be kept
/ in the sun as much as possible, a flow
erpot saucer filed with water. This
must be changed frequently. All OF
which makes the alligator very com
! Portable, for in case it should become
tired of the water there are the moss
and sand for it to get out upon. So with
/ n properly arranged home or box and
little care as to its diet there is no rea-
son why the little alligator tourists so
frequently delight in sending their
friends from Florida should not thrive
I'm captivity. Washington Post.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1903-07-25
WINDOW CLEANERS.
Working In SIxyserapers Is Hard on
Nerves. aud stOmachH.

Working In Sl<yserapers Is Hard on
Nerves aud stOmachs.
"The reason that we are always adj
vertising for window cleaners" said
the foreman of a company that en-
pIoys 200 men in this business, lis that
SO many men throw up their jobs after
they have been at it a week or so.
Some of them even do not last so long
as that. A window cleaner can make
as good wages as a mechanic or mo-
torman. The work is steady because
nearly all the window cleaning in New
York's big buildings is done by con-
tract.
"Any number of likely young fellows
really In need of work who promise
well enough at the start give out with
in a few days. Sometimes it is their
nerves that go back on them, but more
often it is their stomachs. We send
away half the men who apply for jobs
without even giving them a trial. If a
man drinks or is so nervous that he has
to dodge trolley cars he should keep out
of this business.
when we take man on trial the
foreman breaks him in gradually. We
away. A great many private houses in
this city have their windows cleaned
by contract, and we start him in on
that If man is no good at ladder
work it is no use bothering with him.
From private houses the beginner is
sent to department stores and finally to
the tall buildings. Once in awhile we
find man who can start in on sky
scraper jobs right away without any
trouble.
"Don't look down. Look up all the
time is the constant admonitiOn of the
foreman. Not one man in ten is able
to obey that order. The temptation to
look down is irresistible. If a man
can't break himself of the looking
down habit it is all up with him. He is
sure to come around sooner or later
and give up his job. New York Press.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1903-07-25
Lnid I'm In His Head.

Daniel Webster once told a good
story in a speech and was asked where
he got it. Il had it laid up in my
head for fourteen years and never got
chance to use it until today" said he.
Some little boy or girl, wants to know
what good it will do to learn the rule
of three" or to commit a verse in the
Bible. The answer is this: "SOme
time you will need that very thing.
Perhaps it may be twenty years be-
fore you can make it fit in just the
right place, but it will be just in place
some time. Then if you don't have it
you will be like the hunter who had no
ball In his rifle when the bear met
him.-Washington Star.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1903-07-25
Never Touched the scotchmnn

1t is related of the late Shirley
Brooks that he had at one time a very
favorite pig who. alas, went the way OF
all pigs ard was converted into bacon.
Brooks sent some of the delicacy to a
friend, with q note as follows:
Ellis end was peace, and 1 send you
piece of his end"
The joke was related to a Scotch
man. who laughed very heartily and
shortly afterward having occasion to
kill pig of his own sent some to rel
alive, with the remark, His end was
peace, and 1 send you piece of the
pig" And he wondered why nobody
saw the joke.-London King.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1903-07-25
HOW TO MAKE THE PUZZLE.

folded end. Fold still another piece,
and cut it like Fig. 3, b representing
the folded side.
Now open the smaller piece. as in
Fig. 4, and push the point A through
the opening in its center. Fig. 5. Then
put one boot through the loop of the
long arm, between 4 and the smaller
piece. which has been pushed forward
as far as it will go Gig. o.. Now pull
the smaller piece down over A and
open the largest piece, and the boots
are fastened on to the larger paper in
such way that, if you do not know
how, they are hard to get off.
After they are in place, with your fin
ger nail smooth out the creases made
at y. Fig. .. rs their appearance might
furnish q clew toward solving the mys-
terry.
When you pass them to your friends
to take off explain that they are not to
bend the boots.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1903-07-25

Barker is not much on FORM" said
the first commuter. "Why, the other
day 1 saw him eating breakfast food
for supper. And that wasn't the worst
of it,
What could be worse?" broke in the
second commuter.
"Why, this" replied the first COM
muter, with grin: "He actually had
on evening dress at the time. with q
morning glory in his buttonhole. -
New York Times.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1903-07-25

matchlcsS means which the master
physician has brought TO the aid of
science: that the attention. of the
whole civilized world is now drawn 10
the unceasing wonder of results, in
wolves no mystery.
To the rare gift of healing has been
added the rareSt opportunities and
training, and the cures of the great y
Ray doctors are but the natural tri-
umphs of their lives.
DR. Horne wishes to emphasize the
fact that during the summer months
chronic diseases of whatever nature
are cured in one-half the time that
would he required during the inclem-
eut winter weather. Nature lends her
aid to the physician and cures are
accomplished at this season of the
year in comparatively short time.
DRHORNE CURING THE SICK.
Each week, standing boldly out
from amidst the failures of others,
Dr. Horne publishes the names and
addresses of people cured, people well
known in the community, people
whose standing forbids the thought
of their lending their names to any
but an honest statement. The people
ask themselves. what does this mean,
and the answer impresses itself up
on them with a force that compes
conviction. Nothing but merit and
real conscientious work could pro-
duce such results and make such a
record as this.
FREE N-RAY EXAMINATION
DR.. Horne never accepts case
unless he knows to a certainty the
cause of the trouble, and this can only
be determined by a scientific eXamin-
alton. His N-Ray outfit is the most
elaborate and complete in this coun-
try. by his special microscopic at
tachment he is able to examine all
parts of the body and find out to an
absolute certainty the cause of the
patients aftliction. Come and be eN-
amiued; it IS absolutely free. He viii
not charge you one cent. Come and
find out what your trouble is and he
viii advise YOU in reference to a cure.
1t is all free. He asks no compensa-
ton.
Rooms, 40 50. 81, 50, 81, So Mitchell &
Lynde Bldg, Rock Island. III.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1903-07-25
All brushed on.

A lady called at a chemists shop,
then, after examining one or two ar
ticles. remembered that she wanted
some cosmetic for the toilet and turn
ing to the chemist, asked, "Have you
any bloom of YOUTH
The merchant, over whose head more
than fifty summers had passed, turned
to one of his assistants and asked in Il
business way, "Have 1 any bloom of
youth left?'
The clerk looked up with a quiet
smile and answered, 81 believe not,
sir."-London Globe.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1903-07-25
Little Minnx Ham.

Little Minny Ham
Thought she'd like to have some jam!
While the cat her mother spurned
The pantry key she turned.
Then little Mjpny Ham
Got acquaintcd with that jam.
When she could eat no more
She unlocked the pantry door,
A1EC the face OF Minny Ham
One couldn't see for jam.
Said her mother, "Minny Ham.
You have eaten all the JAM"
And Minny said, Then you
Shouldn't have peeked through"
New York Herald.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1903-07-25
English Injustice.

An Australian tourist travelling in
the west of ireland asked an old wo-
man how far it was to the nearest
town. She sadly looked at him, then
sighed and said:
ut was five nice miles two years
ago, but some English brute came
over with chains and made it seven,
and our hearts are broke walking it
ever since bad luck to them!'
And she disappeared into the house,
leaving him there.-Illustrated Bits.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1903-07-25
The More Difficult Part.

'The actor" said ROscius, should al
ways forget that he has an audience.
He should immerse his soul in his
lines, and''-
'That's all very pretty" interrupted
Horatio Tiewalker. ut isn't half so
much trouble to forget that he has an
audience as to forget that he hasn't
one."-Judge.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1903-07-25
Parental Assistance.

Barnes When 1 was young my
mother always used to sing me to
sleep.
Shedd-Yes, women are good at that
sort of thing. but it takes the fathers
voice to wake fellow up in the morn
ing-Boston Transcript.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1903-07-25
In and Out.

First Of1icer-Yes, we were marching
over a plank bridge when it gave way,
and the men fell in.
Second Officer-And what did you
do?
First Officer-Oh, ordered them to
fall out-Illustrated Bits.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1903-07-25
A Now doctrine.

The Rev. DR.. Fourthly was making
one of his pastoral calls at the Upjohn
mansion.
Doctor" said little Johnny during
pause in the conversation, II wish you
would tell me what you think Of the
doctrine of prestidigitation." - Ex-
change.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1903-07-25
What He Preferred.

Magistrate-And 1 understand that
you prefer charges against this man.
Grocer-No, your worship; prefer
cash, and that's what l brought him
here for.-London Tit-Bits.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1903-07-25
UnIucI<y.

eyes, since Mrs. Gotrox broke n mir
ror yesterday she is convinced that it is
very unlucky."
How superstitous!'
Not at all. 1t was French plate
mirror and cost $500" Baltimore
NpvvS
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1903-07-25
his will.

There is no mystery in the spell Of
the orator. who adds to the rare gift
of eloquencc the training of the rhe-
torician and commands senates with
the power of speech.
There is no mystery i'm the cures of
the famous physician. who has added
to the inherited Gift of healing the
rarcst training of school, hospital
and clinic given To a scientist or a
surgeon in our generation and has
thrilled the whole country with the
marvel of his triumph over disease.
That no other man cured before as
this man cures, that invalids who
were hopeless and helpless are pro-
claiming their miracle of discovery to
the world, that physicians of all
schools are Fastening to learn of the
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1903-07-25
G5EQR YOUNG ~
I W. folks ~
A CLEVER PUZZLE.

1t Is Made of Paper and VIII he
Found Quite Amusing.
Here is a clever paper puzzle that
will amuse you while you are making
it and will amuse you after it is made
in watching your playmates trying to
solve the secret of properly taking it
apart. You can make the puzzle as
large or as small as you wish
First take piece of paper, double it,
and cut from 1t pair of boots, as in
Fig /, the fold in the paper coming at
the top of the boots and consequently
joining them together.
Then take another piece, fold it and
cut in the form of Fig. 2, A being the
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1903-07-25
simnIe MedincritH.

''Why did she marry him?''
'I give it up. He wasn't bad enough
to need reforming nor good enough to
make desirable husband. "-Judge.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1903-07-25

In finding fault it is very easy to be
untruthfuI and unfair. = Atchison
Globe.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1903-07-25

Before employing a fine word find a
place for it-Joubet.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1903-07-25
Gift Of Healing Not q Mystery

Union Of this Rare Gift With the Rarest Train
ing That Has Made the PhenOmena of Power Over
Disease. These Cures the Natural TriumphS
Of the Great X-Ray Doctors. The whole Country
Thrilled at the Marvellous Cures. This is the Most
Favorable Season to Cure Chronic Diseases. DIR.
IIornes Work For Humanity, One Of the Bright
EpOchs in Medical History
Middlebury register. (Middlebury, Vt.) 1886-1937, 1903-08-21
NEW WAY TO TREAT HAY
FEVER.
No Stomach Dosing-Just Breathe Hyomei
stops Sneezing and Smarting.

No Stomach Dosing-Just Breathe Hyomei
stops Sneezing and Smarting.
DIR. w. H. Sheldon is recommending
to his customers, as a cure for hay fever,
Hyomei.
1t is claimed for this remedy that it
stops the spasmodic paroxysms of sneez-
ing, the smarting and running of the
eyes and nose, and other acute symp-
toms of this disease.
Many persons have been cured of hay
fever by Hyomei and its inventors pro-
fess to be able to prevent both the occur
ence of the annual attacks and to arrest
the progress of the disease when in the
most chronic form.
Among those who have been cured by
Hyomei are j. f. Forbes, chief dis
patcher B. &. NJ. r. r., McCook, Neb
who writes Il have never had relief
from any remedy for hay fever, even
temporary, until used Hyomei. will
always recommend it whenever occasion
offers
A. Hamlin, Westford, Mass, writes,
"Hyomei cured me of hay fever in one
week time. l consider it duty to tell
others who suffer from this disease
These endorsements are samples of
hundreds that have been received by
the manufacturers of Hyomei, but Dr.
Sheldon's offer to refund the money if
Hyomei does not do all that is claimed
for it, is the strongest proof that can be
offered as to the reliance they place upon
Hyomei to cure hay fever.
Middlebury register. (Middlebury, Vt.) 1886-1937, 1903-08-21
State Sunday School Convention

The State Sunday School association of
Vermont will hold its annual convention
in Burlington, October 20-22. This
promises to be an occasion of great value
to all who are engaged in Sunday School
work, and to those, as well, who are
teachers of children in the home or the
public school.
Among the noted speakers already en-
gagged are Marion Lawrance, General
Secretary of the International Sunday
School association Prof. ii. II. Horne,
of Dartmouth college, who is rapidly
coming to the trent as an expert in ped
agogy; Mr.. w. \. Hartshorn, Chairman
of the International Committee, who has
promised to be present for one session,
if possible; Mrs. Alonzo Petit, President
of the New Jersey Primary Union. Be
sides these there will be number of the
leading Sunday School workers of the
State, whose names deserve wider recog-
milton than they have yet received.
This convention will be, in many re-
spects, the most important of any in the
history of the association. New policies
will be adopted, and the work of the
association will be carried forward on
broader lines than ever before. The
public will be kept fully informed
through these columns of the plans for
this convention, which will mark an era
iii Sunday School work in Vermont.
Middlebury register. (Middlebury, Vt.) 1886-1937, 1903-08-21

The Daily Press OF New Brunswick, n.
j., thus speaks of their riding there:
Harry Kramer, better known as "the
Cyclone" was in this city yesterday He
is the trick bicyclist, who has appeared
in this city on previous occasions, and
who claims it as his home.
Kramer says he is a New Brunswick
boy. He says he formerly lived with
his grandparents on Richmond street
until they died. He was left without
means of support and having become
master of several different tricks upon
the bicycle decided to make his living by
giving performances. Since then he has
travelled over the greater part of the
United States.
He appeared in this city Yesterday
afternoon about five o'clock and attract
ed attention by riding bicycle down
George street toward Albany street,
The novelty of the performance lay in
the manner in which he rode his ma
chine.
He stood with his feet on the handle
bars and seat of the bicycle. At Albany
street he retraced his course toward
Livingston avenue, shouting out to the
! 'COInt OIL Inc IOTllN
of those who saw him followed him to
| Livingston avenue
There he went through a series of
tricks that won him many approving
remarks from the onlookers. He had an
ordinary bicycle. wheel in which there
were no spokes, and cart wheel.
He performed all sorts of difficult
feats, riding inside the spokeless wheel
and turning. over and over as the wheel
revolved. Then he twisted himself
about in dozen different attitudes on
the bicycle, rode with one wheel elevat.
ed first front and then rear balanced him
self head downward on the seat, and
performed as only professional can.
He mounted the big cart wheel, after
he had started it going, danced about
the rim, jumped on the hub and moved
the wheel about with his feet at will.
The crowd had increased by this time
to good proportions. When Kramer dis
mounted and passed round the hat it wa,
well filled with coin. In the evening a
s: 10 o'clock he gave another exhibition
of his skill.
Mr.. Kramer is married and his wifi,
accompanies him ON his trips and OF
different occasions performs will
him.
For six years he appeared on the stage
While he was with Byrnes Bros. "Eigh
Bells" he appeared in this city in tn
Allen Theater, which was ruined by fire
He also has appeared in Roster & Bials
Tony Pastors. and the Grand Theatel
New York. He filled an engagemn
with Orrin Bros. proprietors of til
"Cicro Teatro Orrin, large vaudeville
house in Mexico where he appeared 70
forty weeks.
In Washington, D. c., he rode dow
the Capitol steps, 265 in number, in min
seconds on rubber tired buggy whee
Last fall the Kramers appeared in all tn
fairs throughout Pennsylvania and a
one time appeared at the Trento
fair.
Middlebury register. (Middlebury, Vt.) 1886-1937, 1903-08-21
HaIpin- Barrett.

The Worcester, Mass, Daily Telegram
Of August Is has this in its Leicester
correspondence of the day before:
Miss Katherine V. Barrett, daughter
of Mrs. Bridget Barrett of Grove street
Leicester, and Frank NJ. Halpin, were
married at st. Joseph's church, this
morning, at 14j o'clock, bv the pastor
Rev. John f. Redican, who also cee-
brated a mutual mass, which followed.
The brides maid was Miss Mary O'Keefe
of Leicester, the best man being John
Halpin, brother of the groom.
The bride was gowned in dress of
white silk, and wore bridal veil d,
caught with orange blossoms. She
carried large boquet Of bride roses
The brides maid wore a dress of blue
silk with picture hat tN match, and also
carried bouquet of bride roses. After
the services at the church, which were
attended by relatives and immediate
friends, the couple were driven to the
home of the brides mother, where a
wedding breakfast was served.
The ushers at the church were John
Bell and Edward Wood of Leicester.
The couple left Worcester on the 11:45
o'clock train. amid showers of rice, for
Middlebury, VT. the home of the groom,
where they will remain two weeks
When they return they will make their
home on Grove street, Leicester"
The groom is son of Mr.. and Mrs.
Michael Halpin of Middlebury and is a
very popular young man among his
acquaintance here. He now has very
desirable position in Leicester, which is
six miles from Worcester. The bride
was the recipient of many handsome and
costly presents Mr. and Mrs. Halpir
are now passing their honeymoon with
relatives and friends in Middlebury ant
vicinity.
Middlebury register. (Middlebury, Vt.) 1886-1937, 1903-08-21
BE YOUR OWN JUDGE.
Mi o-na Costs You Nothing, IL it Does Not
Cure Says w. II. Sheldon.

Mona, the remarkable flesh forming
fame by the unusual way in which it is
sold. 1t is the only remedy offered for
the cure of dyspepsia which costs the
user absolutely nothing unless it cures.
w. H. Sheldon, the popular druggist
is selling great many packages of Miro
ma and with every box is given his
personal guarantee to refund the money
if Mi-o-na does not give satisfaction. you
to be your own judge as to whether the
remedy helps or not.
Mona is an unusual combination, it
is "A flesh-forming food combined with
agents that regulate the digestive organs
and remove irritation, congestion and
inflammation from the stomach, liver
and intestines. 1t enables those organs
make good, rich blood, firm muscle,
steady nerves and sound body. 1t does
not contain any pepsin, pancreatin or
other drugs, that never effect a cure and
rarely give even temporary relief,
Mi-o-na puts the digestive system into
proper working order, gives health,
strength and good flesh, and is the nat
ural cure for Indigestion. Even in
chronic cases, where life is one long
drawn out pain, this remedy will effect a
cure. 1t is the simplest and most reli-
able of all remedies. Just one tablet
before or after meals and you can eat a
hearty meal without distress.
If Mi-o-na does not do all that is claim
ed for it w. II. Sheldon will cheerfully
refund your money.
Middlebury register. (Middlebury, Vt.) 1886-1937, 1903-08-21
THE PLAN.

By the terms of this policy the amount
of the insurance will be payable at the
death of the insured whenever it occurs
If the insured he living and the policy is
kept in force, guaranteed annual in
come of forty dollars for each 81 900 in
surance will be paid to the insured, be-
ginning at the end of the twenty-irst
or the sixteenth year from the date of the
policy and continuing during the entire
lifetime of the insured. This form of
policy provides for the estate whenever
death occurs and, after twenty or fifteen
years furnishes an income to the insured
during life at fair rate of interest, four
per cent, upon the face of the policy.
Premiums are payable during twenty
or fifteen years.
Middlebury register. (Middlebury, Vt.) 1886-1937, 1903-08-21

All our trimmed and outing Hats at
half price to close them out.