davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-11-08
THE GENIAL IDIOT.

helm don't DO thing to Nr. Augustus Delaney Wig
gins"
club house" said Mr.. Whiteehoker.
1T was. but that project is temporarily abandoned
account Of the strikes said the Idiot Then the
Angelus club rings Mr.. Virgins up the telephone
ana asks him II he doesn't want 10 put his name
down for $500 subscription to purchase few paint
ings for the club just opened over Morartys
saloon. There 500 members Of the Angelus club,
and AN honest Woodworking lovers Of art and the
dous interest in such matters would have esteemed
themselves derelict if they had failed give him this
opportunity. Mr. Virgins, who 3as just given his
wife fearful Raging for having run up bill of
$1S5 the grOcers. replies that he is overjOyed TO
have this chance indeed, he heard the night before
of the founding Of the Angeus club and had at this
moment note his memorandum pad to remind
him to inquire to its needs OF course the check
payable to whom, and shall it go by mail or mes
@oh, wen. I don't think that's 50 bad" said Mrs.
Pedagos- There's harm in buying paintings for
THAT depends on the paintings returned the
Idiot The ones Mr. Virgins money went into were
sent up from Moriartys saloon below stairs and
mostly done in fusel- oil and hrewater. with a few
Morning After. canvas by the lamented Whistler,
would seem the supreme of the reasonable"
you don't to say that they spent all that
money in drinl1?" cried Mrs. Pedagog.
No said the Idiot. Ten dollars of it de-
voted to the purchase OF a thousand cigars for the
hanging committee. But that is only the beginning
Of things. Mr.. Virgins has notified the community
by the establishment Ola precedent that ne is good
thing and from that day until election day he's kept
the hour. The Benevolent association. made up for
the most part of abebOdied sufferers from the germ
Of azness, stick him repeatedly; individual cases Of
misfortune and poverty come to him night and day
in person T. mail and over the wire. When he has
90 go block to call friend. he sends for half a
dozen hacks and hires them by the hour and then
let's them wait for MIN at various points of the city
And it goes. In weeks of active campo gning
spend $1,000 without knowing it,"
All, yes. but the law says you must put in a
statement of your expenses and swear to it, said
Mr.. Whtechoker.
True Mr. Virgins puts in his statement and il
shows that his has him $23S16 expended
in fare printing and postage stamps said the
Idiot.
And the $4,000 demanded Mr.. Whitechoker.
What has that got to do with it? That wasn't
campaign expenses. but generous impulse said the
Idiot He wouldn't have been any off politically
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-11-08

interesting city an sorts of benevolent Institutions of
literary, artistic and philanthropic nature. Men
who never cared for literature before flock I'm
numbers. nay. clamor for admittaEce charter
trOdden of the coil. 10 whom in the past the
variety uresuers piastered an over the high fences
Of Pawucke positively thirst for enlightenment
selves coincidenty with Mr. Vieeins nomination for
mayor into the Angeus club. with headquarters over
MOriarty's saloon Main street. similar fashion
societies purely phlanthropic nature are estab-
Fresh Air society; the Second Ward B. p A. (benevo-
lent protective association): the Society of the Mo
hawks springs up i'm the Third ward with tb7 Set
purpose of conducting night classes in cvics. where
men who do not know how to may go and be told.
And so throughout PaUtucSet AIr. Virgins NOM
nation seems TO Drecipitate wave of social moral
and philanthropic uplifument that ought betoken
tho forthcoming of the millennium"
Wen isn't that a good thing asked Mr.. White
ANYTHING is good thing that keeps money in cir
culatiou," said the Idiot.
II still don't see what it all has to do with pol
itics' observed Mrs. PedagOg.
We'll you see it goes this way said the Idiot.
Two days after Mr. Virgins has started in on his
campaign, he receives cordial invitation address
the PaWtucket Shakespeare society the subject of
The influence of Hamlet upon AIaeterinck' the pro-
ceeds TO be devoted TO building new club house for
the society. This is signed by Tom O'Ramerty Angelo
Htctapett ana 6otieb Natzenheim- committee on lit
erature. 1t is only coincidence. perhaps thar these
gentlemen leaders of the respective wings of
Virgins party that their names would suggest OF
course Mr.. Virgins is highly Eattered BY the nvi-
tation but is too busy at this energent hour his
career "hen ne mas reluctantly, and at great per
sonal sacrifice come forth rebuke corruption in
high places and wrest fair city of Pawtucket from
the cohorts of evil that for the past four years
tattened upon the toll of the taxpayer until flesh
blood cry out for revenge to prepare the lecture sg
gested. but if the enclosed subscription for $3.50
help the building fund of this very worthy organize
ton, Mr.. Virgins begs the committee to accept it
with his grateful appreciation of the courtesy extended
by the Pawtucket Shakespeare society.
II see said Mr.. Whitechoker. I'm that way Mr.
Virgins makes popularity for himself"
That's what he thinks. but that's where he thinks
wrong. said the Idiot THAT check for $3.50 ruins
him for, with singular lack of perception. he has
failed to observe that the committee is made up Of
three leaders, and $3.50 does divide easily into
three parts Three hundred dollars would turn the
trick nicely-$100 apiece-bUt $3.50 we'll when election
day comes around 0Ranerty, zaccapetti and Katzen-
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-11-08
Neckwsar BxcsIIemce

Nsckwsar Excellence
The increasing business
which the section for neck
wear for women is enjoying
is gratifying. Women have
begun 10 depend upon the
Section for latest ideas in
these dainty accessories to
their attire Choicest crea-
tons are exhibited immedi-
ately following their appear
ance in fashion Centers. The
lines carried are expressions
of the latest designs in neck
wear and are shown IN such
prOfusiCn as TO render selec-
ton a pleasure.
Elegant lace collars are dis
played, as well as others I'm
the new stole effects. which
are made of tinsel braid and
silk rings. while beautiful
Persian pieces. made so as to
be appliqued as a trimming
on the waist. viii delight the
neat dresser. Never i'm the
history Of neckwear have
such demands been made as
at this time on designers and
manufacturers for new in
venti0ns. which needs DO dis
tingUished in each instance
by exquisite and elaborate
patterns. which are especial
~ true of collar stocks and
fancy lace jab0ts- During
the seas ana throughout
the winter the Section will
exhibit the newest cOncep-
tons in lace stocks to be
worn with almost every waist
or gown
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-11-08
He Makes Some
Political Suggestions

e8w WrW ERE you ever in politics Nr. Idiot?"
AVE- asked the Poet. as Mrs. Pedagog's
A#A guests sat at table to partake OF a lus-
BE cious sunday mornings breakfast Of
fried chicken and prunes
NO said The I6ioL "That is 70 say, I've never.
been exactly I'm politics"
How do you noan?" quered the Poet.
'Oh. I've been dabbled with by politics, I've
never been I'm the darn things" explained the Idiot
~ thought once chat was in but the event showed
that wasn't. The only political experience I ever
nag PROV ed Z" me definitely that it was the other
anybody ever put you up Tor officer asked the
Once" said the Idiot sadly
And never again. chg suggested the Lawyer
Not that d remember returned the Idiot Il hate
two evenly distributed legs don't see the business
sense OF paying $3.50 for $500 job. and quit.
lisn nave oeeIl president OF the Unlted states by
This time if had been willing to put up $3.50 satisfy
these days Of brilliant finance couldn't be induced
10 let the pirates play heave no and yo-ho-ho using
Then it is that candidates for Office are con-
tnualy subjected to demands for money, eh?' asked
sir" replied the Idiot "the condition is such that
II the candidate were national bank they'd call 1t
Kipliugs poem. Pay. Pay. Pay, is made
quate TO describe the situation IL is a continuous
performance serial story f5v Henry JaTnes-eniless.
like Tennysons brook. running on forever provided
sou are weak enough 20 loosen your grip the first
dollar OF course If YOU hang onto that from the be-
SHINING of your campaign to the end you're all right
but it's ten TO one you're wallcped.'
Whtechoker.
NO. MS politics" said the Idiot
II should think a would feel like a criminal
buying office" said Mrs. Pedagog
An. Mrs PedagOg- YOU mustn't think that said
the Idiot. "rhe money isn't paid down purchase
money No candidate that I know Of ever went in
deliberately to buy his office but he develops ut an
early stage of The unusuai spirit generosity
10 his friends both old and He's cross as the
dickens to his wife and children but toward
side world. he is the perfect picture benedcent
philanthropy"
Il don't quite how it is DONE" said Mrs Peda-
Cog
'It is simplicity ITSELF observed the Idiot by a
singular coincidence the moment Mr.. Augustus De
lancey Virgins is nominated for the high Office Of
mayor Of Pawtuclet there spring into being in that
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-11-08
By John
KendriCk Bangs

least be organized and above board instead Of chaotic
and undetermined. the way it is now"
81 fan 20 the special advantage of your scheme
said Mr. Whitechoker
ut would have two great advantages TO the can
ddate" said the Idiot I'm the first place he could
know where go for the votes he needed, and I'm
the second ir they weren't delivered election day
and he was licked. he could the people from whom
he bought them for non-delivery. You can't DO that
things are"
What did your election cost you. AIR. IDIOT asked
the lawyer.
Not q cent" replied the Idiot.
Not a cent? echoed Mr. Brief.
NO didn't buy L corralled nice litJle de-
feat though for S965O for legitimate aud Is cents
for art expenses III the best investment ever
made"
But you did put IL cents into the drink fund
said Mr. Whitechoker. Fifteen cents or $1,000 the
principle is the same"
Il know IT," said the Idiot But I couldn't help
it. The man needed the drink
who he2" asked Mrs PedagOg-
Myself, madame when heard that ia been wal
loped," replied the Idiot.
Copyright 1908 by John Russell Davidson.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-11-08

if he hadn't paid the money because on election night
Virgins. sitting at home waiting 10 be appraised of
his glorious victory is from headquarters and
informed with lacOnic swiftness; Hay, Virgins,
You're licked. showed under by 20000' surrey. Air
Whitechoker, that proves that Mr.. Virgins gained
no corrupt advantage by the use of his money
oh but it's wicked, wicked" cried Mrs. Pedagog.
ITO make such demands upon whose only
wish is tc serve his country, and then turn him
down.
That's true" said the Idiot. 1--WE need a very de-
cided reform in dealing with this purchasable vote
1t is always going to be bought sold and the law
should see that it isn't riddled with the faint of
bunco If a mans generous impulses led him
penditure of $1,000 in literature and philanthropy.
he should receive something in return"
What would YOU suggest to correct the eyi?'
asked the Poet
'Oh, WE'LL said the Idiot ''of course I'm not a
professional lawmaker but I don't why egis-
can't authorize duly licensed department stores
to into the vote selling business Messrs Seaguu
< Jones. for instance, could have special Monday
bargain sale in cOlored votes warranted crock
fade, sent G. O. D.; worth s. and marked down TO
1891 Then the other shop across the street-Penny-
packers Universal-might advertise "A choice rem
of unclassihed votes for sale in orders
taken for less than 100 Special discounts blocks
of 500 and over Another house ambitious
the scale of its operations, would advertise:
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-11-08
.GW Silks for Ar
E3es5lsW0rk.

We have finally made ar
rangements to handle exclu-
sively in this city Bedding
Bros celebrated silks for arr
ueedlewRrk. These silks are
superior To all others on the
market. They come in such
delicate tints and blend So
perfectly that the results ac-
complished are wonderful ex-
eCutions of art. The shades
are prettier than those found
i'm other silks, and especially
DO they laundry better
High art needlework. with
its fascinating groupings of
cOlOrings and intricate and
beautiful designs. seems at
present 10 have a growing
tendency in the woman's
world. This beautiful work
bids fair TO be. not a fancy
for q few sea sons. but an art.
which every woman can make
a part of her accomplish
meuts. As she becomes more
familiar with the work her
ideas exparI. which helps to
give q finish TO her embrOi-
derry. which at times almost
rivals Nature itself for it's
correctness of color in leaf
flower and fruit. Women
marvel at the small price at
which skein of silk ifs sold
over the counters of the Art
Section; at the slight expense
necessary to become pro-
ficient in mastering the les
sons. the ease with which
degree Of perfection is at
talned. Mrs. LeysOn. who has
supervision over the Art Nee
die Section. is teaching the
rev Japanese system. She
gives free lessons from to
5 o'clock on Monday. Wednes-
day and Friday. from 4 To s
on Tuesday. Thursday and
Saturday. The classes are
large and the pupils are de-
lighted with the progress
they are making. This branch
of the store promises TO be-
come very popular as Christ
mas approaches.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-11-08

At the office indeed How can YOU
expect me to believe any such thing as
that when this dog is fairly Sitting me
with this horrid perfume?
"Then for the first time recalled haT-
ing had visit from a big. fat middle
aged client. a woman. that afternoon and
! started at once to explain how ] did
not wonder that Spot was all perfumed.
as it was a case Of the vase and the rose
For said i, you could have shattered
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-11-08

ing. not to mention other stronger ad-
jectiVes. perfume.
You know explained the young bar
rister. that my wife is just the best
little woman i'm the wOrld-but-'
Go on" interrupted the fair one. with
an air Of having heard the story before
No. it's not the story at ALL" contin-
ued the lawyer. she understands me
perfectly. and that's why I'm kicking.
At any rate we-SpOt and had scarcely
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-11-08
Continuation OF che
Great
Shoe Sale.

We advertised on the
square
Had plenty of customers
round.
The immense sale is the re-
suit Of extraordinary prepar-
ations. The unapproached
high standard OF the stock is
maintained in a high degree
Of perfection and style, va
riety and completeness.
The continuation is a log
fcal result of the extensive
ness of the sale and the con-
seQuent impossibility of Civ
ing attention to all prospect
I've purchasers. This extern
sion of time viii enable
everyone TO have consider
ate attention. The lines are
adequate for the demands Of
heavy selling. New goods are
arriving regularly.
Women's $3.50 and $500
values ......... .....,..Az 81
Women's $3.50 and $500
values .-.-.. ---.---..-. l.y0
Misses S15O and $l.75
values ....-..s. ,...... LOU
Boys $3.50 and $1.75 val
ues ...... ..... 100
Women's Fancy Slippers.
$500. $500 and 500
values ......... .....-.. + 100
Women's Fancy slippers,
$500 and $3.50 values. 200
Wumen's House Slippers,
$3.50 values .-.-.....-. 100
Women's Fashionable s.
shoes .--.----. ......--- J-OO
10 and Decent Shoe Poll
ish and Pastes Black
With every purchase OF 50
or more a 50-cent pair OF
Soft Moccasins viii be given
rnnm
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-11-08

the whole office and the perfume would
still cling.
AS for poor old Spot I continued.
laughingly. why she just took him up I'm
her arms. and I'll bet his shaggy hair is
filled with it,
AT this juncture 7 turned and faced
my wife. and never shall I forget her eN-
preston, both OF face and voice. the lat
ter possessing a quality I never before
dreamed of. 1t is enough to say she
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-11-08

didn't believe me. and limited at all sorts
Of things. too. Well. the temperature
dropped from about 1O5 i'm the shade 20 a
number of degrees below the freezing
point i'm less time than it takes TO tell
about 10. and mas remained there since
So. my dear old friend. just tuck that bit
OF perfumed linen mp your sleeve aud
keep it there until I dispatch Spot home
TO keep him
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-11-08

OF value, in the place If it will amuse
you-but- in heavens name. keep any
thing that suggests perfume away from
that dog.
Now, we an ..sAuch too old friends for
YOU 10 take offense. SO just clear away
that frown and don't begin those express
sions Of most extraordinary and All the
rest Of IL. The truth of the matter is
my wife and are not on speaking terms.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-11-08
PUNISHMENT

cleveland Plain Dealer)
Didn't 7 tell YOU not to propose againe"
You said something of the kind. but of course it
made impression me-
"Oh it didn't, Wen. III give you a lesson now
that you won't forget You'll never propose to me
again
What are you going TO dOH
Pm going to accept YOU
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-11-08

closed the front door one very warm aft
ernOOn last week. when out sDrang my
wife from somewhere to greet us-yOu
know were crazy about the dog-but
Spot got there first else the trouble
might have been aVerted. Immediately
there began a general shifting.
-" Where have YOU bcen% shrieked my
wife. in tones new 10 me.
Al the office, Of course I assured
her
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-11-08
P0rGi@r@s.

Some of our best Damasks.
Reps and ArmUre portieres,
are selected carefully, and,
made according TO our OWE
ideas, harmOnizing in color
with this seasons carpets and
rugS-edges of some are neat
" bOrdered with tapestry, spe-
cially made to match color of
fabrics. Some of the prices
now are: $3.50. $3.50. S7.75.
$500. SlO5O, $500 and $500.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-11-08
HIS PICTURE.
INeN York Times

AS Cardinal Gibbons preparing to leave the
Kaiser Wilhelm last Tuesday reporter pressed eager
~ his side and asked:
Cardinal. have you any recent photographs Of the
pope that YOU could let have?'
The cardinal replied with gentle and impressive
dignity
Il have a photograph OF the pope tt is framed fin
my heart 1t viii ever be recent but never part
with it, young MAN."
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-11-08
UDh0lSGgTI@S.
L@cg Curtains

IRISH POINT. ir, white.
fun size. az SA50. $3.50, $3.50
and S10.50 pair.
Regularly 1913. $3.50. S10.75
and S13.75.
RENAISSANCE
At 1915, $500, $3.50 and $3.50
pair.
Regularly $500. $500 and
S1l.5O.
REAL ARABIAN
At S4.75. $3.50, $500. $1,000
and $500 pair.
Regularly $3.50, $500, S11.O0.
S1450 and $3.50.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-11-08
Hose Support
GISo

Grecian Hose Supporters.
I'm all-silk elastic or color
reduce the abdomen and pro-
duce the erect carriage that
is so much admired. The
regular price is soc; now 2jc.
Grecian Hose Supporters. i'm
cotton elastic. are reduced
from 25c to 15c.
Velvet Grip Belt support
ers. Soc value. for 1SC.
Shopping Bags are reduced
from pc 90 1Sc.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-11-08
Toilet Goods.

Regular Scent Toilet Soap.
i'm different odOrs, is offered
at 3 cents.
Z5-Cent GlyCerine Soap is
on sale, while it lasts. at -
cents
25-cent - COrsage Bouquet
Toilet S0Gpsis a special at -
cents.
25-ceut Hurlbuts real Irish
Linen Tablets for is cents.
Usual so, 80 and % cents a
quire and pack oc Hurlbut's
bulk papers-one-third Off.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-11-08
Buster Brown Bows
Novelty Suits

A tailored style distin-
cuisines our novelty suits.
The makers of this line of
clothing for Youths. Boys and
Juveniles have stood at the
head Of this branch of the
high class industry for a.
quarter of a century and have
never been approached for
beauty and-eXclusiVeness of
styles and superb tailoring.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-11-08
Hosiery & Um5erwsar

Women's heece-lincd shirts
and drawers. IN colors of
cream and white. and fin all
sizes, are reduced from SOC
to 40c.
WOmen's heece-lined shirts
and drawers are shown I'm
colors Of cream and white.
and in all sizes; zoe quality.
for SOC.
WOmen's 35c extra quality
Of black fieece-lined hose. i'm
an sizes. viii be sold while
they last for 25c.
Extra quality OF childrcn's
black cashmere hose. i'm all
sizes, at CSC
Women's heece-hncd hose.
of good black dye. win be-
sold Monday at 15c a pair. or
two pairs for 25c.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-11-08

This weeks Offering five
pieces furniture q sofa, .
large and . small chairs). re-
covered with imported Eng
lish and Scotch tapestry.
about thirty styles to select
from, goods worth up to $500
yard, but marked down for
this sale to S2.75. We viii
cord, gimp and polish frames.
call for and deliver them. all
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-11-08
MS POINT or VIEW.

(ChCdgO NewS)
And did you visit the Holy Land asked the VIII
lage parsOn of Uncle Hiram. who had been doing
little globe trOttnE since he struck Oil
''Yaas, an I don't think much il fer my part"
replied the old man. why, it's ALFRED poor
reckon il wouldn't perduce morn tew bushels corn
per acre.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-11-08

And so it would 60 One house would have "A
New Invoice of Hungarian Voters Just IN; another
would advertise If YOU TO get elected try Wat
kns & Smiths Italian Votaline. made from the es-
sence of the Malta and so on The thing would at
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-11-08
Sale OF Remnants OF
Gn.br0i&eriss and
Lmsar1iQns

The Lace Section is ever
scene ~ activity. The lines
are attractive and Very rea-
sonable in price. The section
Is alert In prescribing worthy
Inducements.
For this week an extensive
line OF remnants OF embroi-
deries and Insertions in all
lengths and widths arc 60 be-
feature These remnants VIII
sell as low as no cents 10 S1.25.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-11-08

institution bulded day. but years
extent and comprehsvne Of the lines Of merchandise
aroused the admiration of all citizens all shopper
of modest accorded considerable Here
will find goods and prices agreeabe individual needs
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-11-08
THE PERFUMEp DOG.

A Domestic Romance With a Strong
Moral.
(Washington POst)
Please begged the young lawyer of
his fair client who is AN old friend ..stoD
wishing your handkerchief into nv
dog face DO anything else YOU like
destroy every book and paper. regardless
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-11-08
.C0I0re@ I8r@i6S

a most interesting line Of
caIored braids for dress and
suit trimmings. which are
worth from 10 to - cents a
yard. can be had as low as
10 cents.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-11-08

Genuine reductions represented in specials Furthermore
endeavor to please purchaser and of mistakes
or disapponments. they VIII be promptly rec6ed upon being
brought to the attention Of the management
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-11-08
FUIs Jackets.

Made of Electric Seal. dou-
ble-breasted front, high storm
collar and the latest cums
well made and finished per-
fectly.
Plain for $1,000.
With nubia collar and cuffs.
$500.
With Beaver collar and
cuffs. $500.
With Mink collar and cuffs,
$500.
Sizes "a 20 40.