The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-05-04
inconsistencies of the City
Directory.
Directory.

GLANCE through the Salt Lake
! u city directory shows that we are
after all living in a strange world.
In fact it is a world Of Inconsistencies.
The book shows that there are ninety
+ six Whites IN this city and some Blacks,
: yet there is only one Coon. There is
/ a Canine in the directory. but para
doXical as il may sound there is not d
dog It has always been supposed that
this is free country, but in the direc-
+ tory very few are Free. There are
! in fact only four Freemen- There is
/ one whole Bunch, yet in the entire
/ crowd there is only one GOOdfeIlOw, and
/ he is a Pyker.
The coIors are well represented
| There are ffty-five Grays, 22S Browns,
( seventy seven Greens, sixteen Blacks
and five Reds. but nine of them are
/ Guests There are any number Of
titled persons. There are some Knights,
some Lords, a few Earles, q Duke and
four Kings, yet there are only four
Worlds to conquer. Few of these peO-
PIE drink. In fact one will only Drink
water. But they are not all water
ftends by any means One can find any
number who are Full, some are Fuller
and two are FUllOp.
Some Who Are Good.
! Of these people three are real Good,
one is a GoodaIe, while another is
/ Happy, and four are actually Gay
{ All seem to be doing nicely. too. Eleven
are Hale, two are quite Smart five are
Peart and three are Quick Sixteen
are really Swift And the oddities in
( their appearance would cause a smile
on the stage. There are sixteen White
heads and twelve of them are real
Short. Five are still trying to Shorten
Four are quite Small, but thirty-One Of
them are Little Still, twenty of them
are Long. In fact one LOngfellOw and
one LOngmaid are almost together.
There are also four LOngsOns. Four
Love What they love is conjecture,
/ but the directory says they LoVeiand-
There are more people in the direc-
tory this year than last. At least there
are twenty-three places where II re-
feTs TO a Newman and three have
Newson, but there are several Olsons
who must be taken into consideration,
and there is d Newcomer besides these
One man is Low, but in another place
it says he VIII Grow.
There is not a Spot in the directory,
but there are several SPOTS and three
Stains There are 164 Young, one is
Younger. and one is Elder They ap-
pear to be lazy lot FOR only seven Of
them remain Standing And they want
all sorts of things Some Of them
don't know what they WoOdh2ve.
Others WOodburn. but there is only one
WoOdman. and he can't burn.
There is q singular land in the diTcc-
/ tory which will interest most people.
1t is Woodland. The Woodman is the
only man in it. and he appears to be
a farmer for ne has WOOdhay. which
/ he stores in a WOOdbarn- and he lives
I in WoodhoUse- This IS on the Wood
side of the Woods nearby. and the
is "A Bell on the place. and this has
a Woodring. No one knows what the
man would do if he got loose. but the
directory says he Woodbury.
Directory Short on Help.
Help is short in the directory one
can ind d Workman only once in seven
times. There is Work FOR one and
only one is Worthy. Two of them
Gamble, and although they have only
one card they can raise seven Trumps,
but in q game Of poker only four Stay.
Tt IS however. "A good place to get a
Pointer, and by searching the directory
yoU can find the Point. They have
Belts, yet very few are Betting
They are q brave lot IL the directory
and some of them are armed to the
teeth. They have some Cannon. now
and then there is a Gum, but there is
many a Spearman, Bowman and Arch
er yet in the whole book there are only
four Savages to overcome, and While
some Of them think they are Good, they
are not the Best, although now and
then you do find q Corker. There IS an
extravagant lot among them. however.
About twenty of them are always Owen
and four of them seem to have bills
that are more than Due. Only three
Of them Read
But all OF them live high. They have
lob hey n1 nd oct fr.aFr
the Butterfields nearby. and they have
Fries. Wheat and other good things
They have only one Bean. three Pickles
and eight salmon, but some Of them