davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1903-11-16
The Retort Courteous.

A red-headed man mes bald-headed man on
the street one day. The red-headed man said to
the bald.hcaded man:
Huh. there don't seem TO have been much
hair where you came FROM"
"Oh, yes" replied the bald-headed mans
there was plenty Of hair. but 1t was all red.
and wouldn't have t."-Lippineott's Maya
zine.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1903-11-16
College Fun.

Doctor ION the upper floor, through speaking
tube What is i-2
Voice (at other end Of ubeJ-The college
boys have been having little run with each
other. and
Doctor An right. TN be along with my
instruments as soon as ! can get my clothes
on.-Chicag0 Tribune.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1903-11-16
First Steel Manufacturer.

VINO was the f-st steel manufacturer in the
United states. and where was he borng
NAILS.
Cornelius Atherton was the first. He
was born in Cambridge, Mass in 1863
He went into the iron business early.
and made his FIRST successful expert
ments in the manufacture of steel in
1769. He died at South Bainbridge y.
Y. now Atom. in 1919.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1903-11-16
One Hundred Years Old.
Impressive Exercises Being He'll in New
York Avenue Church.

The anniversary exercises now be
ing held IN the New York Avenue
Presbyterian Church are most i'm
pressive in their significance, and pcs
sess an interest that is national in its
scope. Founded one hundred years
ago, this church has numbered among
its members several of the Presidents,
besides other statesmen whose names
are now part of the nations history.
Among the famous dead who have
been members or regular attendants
may be mentioned John Quincy
Adams, President Jackson and his
Cabinet, Presidents Polk, Pierce,
Buchanan, and Lincoln; John c. Cal
houn, William Writ, James G. Blaine,
Schuyler Colfax, and others.
It's development from a small,
struggling organization into a great
and powerful society has been con
temporaneous with the most pregnant
period Of the nations history. Great
advances have been made in a hun
dred years, not only IN scientific
thought, In government, and in the
science of life, but also in religious
thought and methods. In all direc-
tons the human mind IS reaching out
for liberty, but many have mistaken
license for the thing they were seeking
for. With its intelligent and broad
minded pastors ever keeping abreast
of the advanced thought of the day,
this grand old church has stood for a
century bulwark Of old-fashioned
Christianity and mighty power for
good.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1903-11-16
Sir Thomas Mistake.

Sir Thomas Upton. in the telegraphic
correspondence between himself and
Emperor William. which has appeared
in print. makes a rather odd mistake IN
addressing the Kaiser as His Imperial
Majesty Emperor William II" Now it
is absolutely contrary to all the rules
and regulations of etiquette in address,
ing a sovereign to add the Roman
numerals which distinguishes him from
his predecessors Of the same name
Thus II would be altogether wrong TO
address the British ruler as to king
Edward VII
Nor do mOnarchs ever use these Ro-
man numerals in signing their names,
and the only case on record where this
seemed to have occurred was due to
printers error. 1t WAS in the first proc
lamation OF the present Kaisers father.
The late Emperor had signed his name
and had added in his characteristics
straight up and down writing. the let
tiers 4 ct r." standing for 'imperator'
and rex" The printer mistook this for
the Roman numer1I III. and when the
proclamation appeared it bore the sig
nature OF Frederick III
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1903-11-16

WIN sou give Tie some facts Of the greatest
FIRE Of .he last --atury2 S L. l.
This was the fire at Chicago. October
SO. ISL The losses We're some 200 lives
and $500 coo 900. Three and a half miles
were burnt over. 1880 buildings were
destroyed. and -. 500 persons were made
homeless
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1903-11-16

Miss Wunder-It must make you awfully tired
20 be thinking up funny things all the time
Joe Kriter che humorist)-Not az all. Thar
would be quite refreshing. What makes me
tired is 10 be thinking up things that are not
as funny as I think they are.-Philadelphia
Public Ledger
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1903-11-16
O7teStz0mS assa AnSzOerS
Nickneme Of &C., Grant.

know That ~. nic,L oe for Gen. Z. 5.
Grant Of ''Une additional E render Grant arose
in his reply 70 some q afsderate commander,
but who was the comma aer and what the
occasic-.2 FV
Brig. Cen S. 3. 2ssckner. at the sur
render Of Fort Donel6son. February Is.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1903-11-16

THE WASHINGTON TIlfEs invites letters it
is not necessary that the views Of the writers
coincide with the opinions Of THE TINES. but
they must be free fram offensive personalities.
As a guarantee Of good faith. the writer's name
and address must 10 signed, bat viii not be
printed IL not desired
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1903-11-16
Mistook the symptoms.

He-Look at that woman on tie other side Of
the street waving her lands about me- head
Is she practicing physical cultured
She-Mercy, mol shes describing her new
hat TO another woman-Chicago News.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1903-11-16
Length Of Tunnel Unaer capitol.

How long VIII the twin tunnel under the
United States Capitol, which the Pennsylvania
Railroad has been given permission TO bore, BET
p.
600. and electricity is To be used exciu-
sively for hauling trains through II.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1903-11-16
Trials of the Great.

Monroe was giving his wife a lesson in diplo-
macy.
'Aly mission in Hfe,'' he exclaimed, '4s to
lay down my doctrineP
"Yes. Hear" She answered, sweetly, ''but
can't you just lay down this carpet irstg'
Aiuttering something about a forgotten en-
gagemept, he hastily He'd the scene.-New York
sun.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1903-11-16
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR.
sleeping cans make Strange bedfell0ws-

Sleeping cars make strange bedfellows-
Some men can spend money faster than they
can marry IT,
Women don't deliberately set out TO lie;
they only plan not to tell the truth.
girl goes to boarding Sc. 0i to learn to
pretend that she has learned shings.
Ii makes woman nervous TO 60 shopping
with her husband for fear he viii get ashamed
and make he buy something.
New York Press.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1903-11-16

There are still hopes for the ambitious
college student who Is not heavy enough
to get on the football team He may
succeed in getting killed in a fraternity
Initiation.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1903-11-16

Here lies young piunger from Perth
Who wanted the whole blooming earth,
But when he became
Inferred t. tie Same
II aroused in his bosom no mirth.
-2ilwaukee Sentinel.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1903-11-16
Temperance.

elect me President IF the United States, -
said the Prohibition candidate. and / viii
guarantee that my Secretary OF the Treasury
tight Life.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1903-11-16
In a Lighter Vein.


Tie Ladder Of Succcss Is queer.
Who'd climb i; May not stop,
For though ascending year by year
He finds it has no TOP.
philadelphia Pres.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1903-11-16
Canu Calendar of American History
November 10.

1a6-Fort Washington IN the Hudson
captured by the British
1sH--Forts AIiffiin and Mercer besieged
and finally taken by the British
1S64-Sherrnan began his march through
Georgia TO Savannah.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1903-11-16

The report comes from Utah that
there are three ways of getting mar
rIed out thereto be sealed for time.
to be sealed for eternity. and TO be
sealed for time and eternity. Suspi-
cions have been entertained that poly
gamy has not been altogether super
seeded by the common OF garden variety
Of marriage out there
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1903-11-16

Mcclellan promises TO give New York
a respectable administration, which re-
minds one OF the rhyme about the young
lady Of Niger, who went out for a
ride on a tiger. Mcclellan is not pre-
cisely the type OF man with whom we
associate wild beast tanning.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1903-11-16

Things are very quiet in the Tender
loin. but suspicious purr sounds from
the den Of the Tiger.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1903-11-16

E. Benjamin Andrews is worried about
the observation Of culture in this coun-
try. This means that graft has super
seded special privileges.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1903-11-16
Happy Editor.

Tine world seems- brighter,
Our care seems lighter,
Oar vests seems tighter,
Since Ue ATE.
Boise News.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1903-11-16

The Dowager Empress OF China is
said TO have acquired the automobile
habit. There are 100000 people in
China. however. and it will take her
some time to dispose Of all Of them.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1903-11-16

From the tone in which army officers
say .'sawbones" when referring 10 Gen.
eral Wood. person might think that
sawbones was something in the peni-
Tertiary
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1903-11-16

Transatlantic telephones are said to
be on the way TO construction. Then.
perhaps, timid dukes Can have a we'd
ding over the telephone and not have
to come TO New York at all.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1903-11-16

It is reported that an American war
ship is going to Korea as a mark Of
honor TO the government at Seoul and
there are aqti-imperialists who viii be
just enterprising enough to try to con-
vince the Koreans that this IS all a
snecious lie
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1903-11-16
Only Too True.

one OF the greal obstacles 10 the enforce
ment OF the law is the lawyeT.-Puck.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1903-11-16

A doctor OF divinity has written book
TO prove the Immortality Of animals.
The resurrection of singing birds and
pet kittens and favorite dogs IS all very
well; but If snakes, bugs, and mosqui-
toes are going to be immortal, we must
insist that they do not go TO heaven
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1903-11-16

Football teams will do well TO be
cautious about running up against
Princeton when It is a good year for
tigers
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1903-11-16

There is agitation In New York over
Sunday golf, which. II is asserted. is
an unnecessary form . sabbath-break-
ing. What are folks thinking Of? To
the trre golf player golf is a religion
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1903-11-16

It IS as yet too early TO discover his
trionic talent among the members OF
Congress, but the press agents are
hunting for something spectacular.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1903-11-16

If a singer in a church choir gradu-
ates into vaudeville. can she expect to
graduate into the heavenly choir after
fhaf2
The Birmingham age-herald., 1903-04-06
ARMOUR ALL-STARS
 PLAY HERE TODAY
Cleveland BIuebirdS Will Tackle Coal BaronS This Afternoon
STRONGEST TEAM IN U. s.
According to Form Cleveland Is "Lia- able" to Win, But Birmingham
 Promises to Give Them a
 Run for Their Money.

1 Bill Armour's all star aggregation from Cleveland will give the Coal Barons a two-hour lesson in how to play the game of baseball this afternoon and every fan in Birmingham is looking forward to the appearance of the Bluebirds with in- tense interest
 According to form the Armour gang is liable" to defeat Birmingham, but Keenan and probably Partridge will go in against them and both pitchers prom ise to give the big hitters run for their money. The Cleveland team has made the most phenomenal rise in the history of baseball and throughout the United States their movements are watched with great interest
 Starting in the season last year at the foot of the lad1er after suffering a defeat at the hands of the Birmingham minor league players Cleveland had poor sup port and it looked as if Armour would be put out of business. Those who had pre- dcted failure had not reckoned with Ar mour, however, and the nervy manager went in to pick up the fastest baseball team ever organized
 How Armour Got His Team.
 Armour's first move was to make Lajoie, the great batter, who was then enjoined from playing with Philadelphia, an offer of $7G00 for the season. his pay to go on whether he played or not. Lajoie ac cepted the offer, and close behind it came a contract with Bernhard, the champion pitcher of the American league. Next Armour secured the services of Charlie Hickman, one of the best hltters in the business. He already had Bradley and 'Gouchnauer for third and shortstop, and 1t began to look as If something was do- ing in Cleveland. At the first game about 10000 people hoeked to the park to see the great Lajoie in action. From that time on Cleveland started to winning, and after a disastrous start came near finishing among the leaders. 1t is the consensus of opinion now that Cleveland has the greatest aggregation of ball players in the United States.
 Game Called at 3:3o.
 The game this afternoon will be called promptly at 3:30 o'clock and some of the prettiest playing of the season will be witnessed. With their two days rest the Birmingham team is in much better condition and the minor leaguers are determined to give the Cleveland aggre- gaton a drubbing similar to the one ad ministered last season.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1903-04-06
SUNDAY BALL
 IN MONT TGOMERY
Detroit Wins From WhiStIer's
 Men by Score of Z to 1.
TWO THOUSAND SEE GAME
Game Was Close Up to the End of the Eiehth-lnterstate League is Organized and Officers
 Elected-The Teams.

Montgomery, April 5.--Ospecial)-Two thousand enthusiastic fans and footers witnessed the Detroit Americans take the first game from the locals today by score of to l.
 Up to the ninth inning the game was the fastest and best played this season, the score at the end of the eighth stand ing ? to l. In the ninth an error, base on balls and five clean hits off Elys deliv- cry put erlmp into the chances of the Whistlers. and their time was indeed mournful.
 Both sides hit the ball hard, and both sides fielded brilliantly, Detroit playing an errorless game.
 Whistler's men chalked up five errors two of which figured in the run-getting Sis Hopkins twirled the first five in nings for Montgomery, and he let the heavy Detroits down with four hits, but Carr put one of these over left field fence.
 Ely succeeded Hopkins and fared rather badly, giving up ten hits, two of them for two bags. Mullin pitched fine ball for Detroit. but Kitsan was not so good. Carr's batting was feature, getting four hits out of five times up.
 Score by innings: Montgomery ...... #........O 0 Q O . O O-l Detroit .... .... .........0 l 0 0 1 0 5-7
 Batteries-Hopkins, Ely, Clark and Manners; Mullin Kitsan, McAlister and Hurlburt.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1903-04-06
SCHEDULE OF
 SEWANEE TEAM
COACH ASHFORD NOT JUBILANT OVER THE PROSPECTS-WHlT- NEY TO COACH THE FOOTBALL CLUB COMING SEASON.

sewanee Tenn, April 5-(special)- LII. s. Ashford, the well known baseball coach. has arrived on the mountain and has taken charge of the Sewanee base ball team
 Manager Evans of South Carolina, has given out the full schedule of sewanee' s baseball games.
 Manager Tupper of Atlanta, the man. ager of the 1903 football team, has made the announcement that George s. Whit ney. captain of the Cornell university eleven, Is to be the head football coach this fall, and that he will be seconded by r. s. Osborne, who was captain of the North Carolina eleven for three years, and who played quarterback on the Sewanee team last year.
 The baseball schedule for the univer- sity of the South for the coming season is as follows;
 April IS, Mooney school (Tennessee) at Sewanee; April 2l, 22 and 2S, the Univer- sity of Alabama. at Tuscaloosa; April 2d and 25. Southern university CAlapama). at Greensboro; April 30. May 1 and ?, University of Nashville, at Sewanee; May I, and 9, University of Tennessee, at Knoxville; May 13, Spofford college South Carolina). at Sewanee; May 15 and 16, Vanderbilt university, at Nash viile May % and 23, Vanderbilt univer- sity. al Sewanee; May 2S Mercer univer- sity, at Macon; May % and 30, Georgia Techs, at Atlanta.
 There will be three other games played by the Sewanee team, but these have not been definitely arranged for as yet and consequently have not been an- nounced
 Coach Ashford who arrived on the mountain day or two ago does not seem jubilant over the prospects for the team. but showed that he intended to make the best team possible from the material. He said that he thought that there was good material for the inheld, but that the outfeld was not so good There Is hard work in store for every man who hopes to make the team, and it is MT. Ashford S intention to encourage team work at the expense of fine individual playing. There is to be no star playing, said he, and to tell the truth none of the men out now have shown any aptitude for star work It will be a hard pull to come out of the right end at the end If the men stick to me and work, I think we will have a good team yet"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1903-04-06
DEEP INTEREST IN
 SCRIPTURE TRUTHS
Continued from Fifth Paee)

 The waters shall not overflow thee;' thou shalt not be burned, ed,-neither shall the flame kndle upon thee" We must pass through the waters and the flames, but they shall not devour Are not these promises enough to disarm fear? To strengthen the Christian and give to his heart a glorious peace? But God does not stop with simply making these promises, precious as they are.
 He carefully notes those tender ties which bind Him to faithful fulfillment of these promises.
 The first is that of His relation to us as our Creator. He made us and not we ourselves"
 He feels that same interest in us which the sculptor in a measure feels toward the creation of his chisel, which the painter feels toward the creation of his genius; and which we all feel toward the product of our brain and skill God has created us anew spiritually. He will not forsake the work of His own hands
 A more binding tie grows out of His relation to us as our Redeemer. "For I have redeemed thee" At what a cost to Himself! Egypt, Ethiopia and Seba the price of the redemption of His ancient people from physical bondage. But when His people were to be redeemed from spiritual bondage kingdoms and empires were too poor a ransom. The church of God was purchased with His own blood" He estimates us not by what we are, but by what we cost Him. And will He not keep that which has cost Him so deari
 A still more binding tie grows out of His personal relation to each individual. 'I have called thee by thy name.' l
The Birmingham age-herald., 1903-04-06
Where Our
 Bananas Come From.

Directly across the Gulf of Mexico from New Orleans is Nicaragua, the country in which bananas are as com mon a product as cotton in Alabama-Another item of interest is the massive ham mocks used in place of mat tresses, beds and springs Some of these hammocks, made of grass twine, are thirty feet long, and if stretched out would measure twenty feet across-Ihis would seem a very uncom- fortable bed to us, as we know how utterly miserable and stiff we feel after sleep ing on the spring with the swing" effect-i. e. one that is fastened at head and foot-The new spring is noiseless, single cone, called the VIcToR--made of finest grade of genuine carbon steel-Springs just as much at the head and foot as in the center which is the secret of its marvellous success We are authorized to guar antee this spring to you for five years-Try one thirty nights absolutely free. What more could we say? Can we send you one? Price 5000 each, worth SIoo.oo in comfort.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1903-04-06

suppose the happiest moments in our lives are the moments in which personal names are spoken. To hear his mother call him by his given name would make the oldest man among us forget his gray hairs and become d boy again. Not the mother not the lover, not the friend, not society, fame. sorrow. nor death calls thee, but 'I call thee by thy name,' says God Himself But l hear some one say, Do you mean to tell me that God knows each one of His children individually knows each one as well. and Is as much interested in each personally as if he were the only child He had on earth? Yes I answer, that is undoubtedly true.
 God as a Father.
 Rubinstein played like one inspired, and yet he remembered every note of the in trioate score, and the musical expert. watching in the midst of that splendid score for one particular note, heard 1t struck as .infalllbly and accurately. when the time came as though 1t were the only note in the piece. Ana our God Is never so busy in conducting the har- monies of his universe as to forget a mans individuality. Do not think of God as a supreme artificer or artisan who has made machine and then left 1t to run itself. Nor as a monarch, surrounded by his subjects and courtiers; but as a father surrounded by hIs cnliGren
 Then the last binding tie-God's per sonal possession, Thou art mine" What care We take of our treasuresl Our mon ey, stocks and bonds, our houses and lands; even more care of the treasured loved ones of the home.
 Love makes sacrifices for our loved ones easy. God says to every believer in Christ Jesus, Thou art mine; mine to guide and protect; mine to love and cher iG6 aff,a fn t,.ftt J,f, clothe with peace and crown with glory"
 Ye Christians, what more do you want as foundation for hope? What other. ground of assurance? You who stand fearful and shrinking upon the brink of an open alliance with God. for what do you wait? What more can He say than to you JIe hath said?"
 Fear Not.
 God says to you, Fear not to trust yourself to me. I'll strengthen thee, help thee and cause thee to stand uplifted by my gracious omnpotent hand"
 But you say, I'm too weak and sinful yet for Christ to accept l must wait till I'm stronger and Letter."
 Suppose that you were in dark room, the shutters closed, and only so much light coming in to let you know that it was day outside. You say to a companion let us open the windows and let in the light. But he answers No, no, we must first put out the darkness, or the light cannot enter!
 There are those who talk as if they must put sin out of the breast before Christ can come in! Open your hearts to the true light and darkness will flee away. Throw open the windows wide and let in the glorious light of Gods love and Christ's redeemng grace. Let Him drive out the sin; let Him robe you in His own .s..l.s.
 with His matchless strength; let Him fill you with His wondrous peace; let Him guide you with His unerring wisdom; let Him enfold you in His arms of love, and rejoice with you as you take your place in the Fathers household
The Birmingham age-herald., 1903-04-06
Interstate Leaaue Formed.

The Interstate Baseball league was or ganized here today composed of Mobile, Pensacola, Brewton, Selma, Montgomery and probably Troy. The officers elected were: R. Tyler Goodwin of Montgom- cry. president; W. G. Loyelace of Brew ton, presdent; John Oliver of Pen saeola secretary and treasurer All of the towns were represented and there was plenty of enthusiasm. The season will open April 26 and close late in September. The salary limit is s750. The schedule will not conflict with that of the Southern league here
 II. Burnett will manage the Montgom- cry team and he has already signed five men who arrived today The other man agers are Mat Kelly, Mobile; John Oliver, Pensacola; Ed. BoylSn, Brewton Selma has not announced a manager.