The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-06-24
SPARKS
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Suburban Bells.


But early in the morning when he
breaks our sleep so sound
We wish he d 20 10 thunder and take
along MS bell.
The trolley car is useful and we like it
And without it We could scarceiv get
along.
We wish there'd be a wreck 10 bust that
miserable bell
There is a pleasant farmer we've had
for quite a spell
Bringing garden truck to our house
every day.
But he calls in early morning and our
sleep he drives away
BY coming TO the door 10 ring our new
electric bell.
A home out in the suburbs is place that
none excels,
And suburbanites are happy living
there.
But their joy would be much greater il
they didn't have to bear
The early morning ringing OF so many
kinds of bells.
The history Of the world teaches US
that in all likelihood the whole blame
viii be shifted upon Mrs. LOrenz, she
being the only woman in the case thus
far.
The home of the whipping post has
added 10 its distinction by having a
little case OF burning at the stake. II
this had happened in the south what
a terrible thing it would have been
The wonder of the trouble at Bing-
ham Junction is that the warllke
Greeks were able to do any execution
at all with the brickbat. a weapon
which has been brought to its highesI
efficiency as a means of offense by the
IriSh-American.
SAYS Johnny Bun: This Mad MuIlah
Is a most disasreeable fellah;
In SOmaliland
He leads a band
OF troublesome people of cullah-
While the new rules promulgated by
the state board of barber examiners
appear to be the result of amuch earnest
thought, yet we feel that if the board
had made sharpening of razOrs every
so often compulsory the new regime
would be more joyous.
That boy who ran away from home
because his little sister threw rocks
at him may find that out in the cold,
cold world many things much more
damaging may be handed him when he
has no place to run to.
City Auditor Reiser has again
demonstrated his lack of good judg-
ment by taking the position that booze
and cigars are not necessaries of life
to city cOuncilmen who junket at the
expense of the city.
That overdue water shortage" ap-
pears to have at last arrived and con-
vinces US that summer is here in very
truth.
Not long since a young woman OF
Salt Lake with her baby went east 10
visit relatives. A few weeks after her
departure her husband, who remained
If Salt Lake, received from his wife
one Of the ba by's little shoes with a
hole worn in the toe. The shoe was
not accompanied by any communlca-
ton. but no husband would need fur
Their advice to inform him that his
wife was out of money The young
husband in question took the tip al
once and RENTED.
1t is understood the butler at the
county attorneys Office has received in
structions 20 say Not at home when
former Justice Kroeger calls.
A course in Marquis of Queensbury
tactics should be added to the cur
riculum of the Salt Lake schools nexI
year, with a special series of night
lessons for the benefit of members OF
the board of education and principals
Lack of instruction in this important
branch of education probably prevent
ed a frst-class go Monday night.
There is a welI-kown professional
man of Salt Lake who has spOrted a
hairless head for many years past. Not
long since he invested in a well-httine
and beautiful wig. He put on the Wis
and a few other things the other night
and accompanied his wife to a card
party. He observed. the hostess closely
scrutinizing him for a long time and
naturally supposed she was on to tbs
wig proposition He was in a fever OF
apprehension for a time until finally
she remarked, Mr. ~, I've
/ been wondering what had changed your
! appearance, and I have just found out
You have parted your hair on the Othe-
! side, haven't yOu2'' why, really, no
that is to say-yes. I have lately
Il thought SO. You have no idea what
/ a change it makes in your appearance.
To his great relief the lady dropped
the subject and she will not know unit
she sees this that his head had no
borne a part on either side or thC
middle for several years until he Sc
| cured the wig.
Telling your joys and sorrows multi
! plies them.
Nevertheless the police are satisfied
( there must be some hop where there
I is so much smoke.
Utah boys must fall easy prey t.
! seasickness from the number Of Utal
1 recruits that desert the navy.
People who go against shat fooc
! roulette wheel at Cache Junction Ger
I tainIy depend upon chance for a live
/ I;hOod.
The polite inquiry to make of post
! office department employees these day
is: Have you received your indict
ment YETI"
A Salt Lake MINISTER tells a story o
/ his earlier days that illustrates a well
/ known trait of many sporting men, wis
are often found to be liberal contrib
UtOrs to religious and charitable enter
prises- 1T was years ago when I hat
/ charge OF a congregation in a httl
/ frontier town IN New Mexico" says tn
/ preacher, and we we're trying to rak
/ together a few dollars to build littl
/ church. We received small donation
| from many strange sources, which wa
natural in a community where so man.
/ different grades Of society were asso
/ ciated but there was one source o
! revenue I did not know of for quit
a while. A man whom I knew to be tn
] proprietor of a notorious saloon an
/ gambling house combined came to M