davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1903-03-08
MODERN FABLES BY GEORGE ADE.

The Modern Fable of Escape of Arthur SE and the Salvation of Herbert. St

she had a Hot Poker and was burning High Art Design on a Wooden Platter Not one of the Pads got past Experimental Liz zie. She took Fall out of every One.
 Sometimes, when Arthur would come down to Breakfast, ready to punish a few Links of Farm Sau- sage, he would find in front of him a Bowl full of what looked a good deal like Asbestos Packing.
 "Is it to eat?" he asked, backing off.
 "The surest thing you know" was the Reply. Tt is Hopoko, the new tasteless Breakfastino, and and it is recommended by all the Dyspeptics and Physical wrecks."
 "T don't want to get my dietary Hunches from the Death Cham ber," said Arthur. "I should prefer to take my Tips from good husky Sirloin Steak"
 But this has 62 per cent of Mi tro-Glutine and one Tablespoonful contains the same Nourishment that may be found in IS Pounds of Sirloin Steak"
 Say, why don't you buy good strong Dog and try these Things on him?" asked Arthur. q refuse to take any more of this Chop Feed. If you want to get it into me, you'll have to give me Gas and inject it into my Arm"
 So she said she would Compro- mise by letting him have some Ce- real Sausage. It looked just the same as Sausage and you could not tell the difference until you started to Eat it.
 What with the Health Under wear, the Electric Belts, the Pill lows stuffed with Pine Cones, etc, etc., etc, Arthur was constantly reminded of the Fact that he was being used for experimental Pur- poses.
 He did not enjoy a real Let-Up until little Herbert arrived. When Herbert was 3 Days old, Mamma began to read Books on the Child Mind. Within a Month she had little Herby propped up in the Crib doing Kindergarten Stunts with two or three Old Maids off on the Side Lines coaching to beat the Band.
 Arthur would butt in occasion ally and try to protect his helpless Offspring and then he would get a hard Call-Down. The Missus had a large Scrap-Book full of Helpful Hints to Amateur Moth CTS.
 She started in at Page 1 and gave Herbert the Works. When ever any one who knew all about the Care of Children brought her a new Preparation she either fed it to little Herby or else rubbed it on his Back.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1903-03-08

and they pay no heed to the little multitude of large and small fire insurance companies.
 Of course, the bulk of the money held by an insurance company has to be invested; that is to say, every dollar not needed for run ming expenses and for the prompt payment of claims. It is like a fairy tale of finance when one reads what use is made of the mil lions on millions paid to insur- ance companies.
 During the year 1901, for exam ple. the total of the incomes of the sixty-seven leading life insurance companies was something like three hundred and seYenty-six mil lion dollars. Of this money about one hundred and seventy-five mil lion dollars was paid to policy hold CTS or to their heirs. More than seventy-seven million dollars was disbursed for operating expenses. Still. more than hundred and twenty million dollars was left. Some "economists" have figured that such facts show surplus" in which policy holders do not par ticipate.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1903-03-08

hands don't thremble expictin' Q note firm tn Pope tellin' me I've been canonized. No, sir, con grathylate mesilf on me sthrong will power an rayfliet that sugar makes. people fat. 1 am nivs- goin to place amy medals on an nywan fir bein varehous, Hinnis- sy. f'r if ivarchue ain't always ne- cissity, me boy, it's tn nex' thing to it. I'm tim'prate because too much dhrink doesn't agree with me; modest. because I look best that way; gin'rous because l don't want to be thought stingy; honest because if tn polls foorce, an brave whin can't run away.
 Dock Grogan, who's an ol' Pa gan, don't agree with Father Kelly on more thin two things, though they're tn frindliest iv inimies; an wan iv thim is Lent. Father Kelly says 'tis good f'r tn soul an Dock Grogan he says 'tis good fir tn body. It comes at tn r-right time iv tn year, he says, whin iv- rybody has had a winther iv stuff fin thimsilves an fioodin' their inteeryors an settin' up late at night. It's kind iv sthand off f'r tn Chris mas holidays. We quit atin' meat because 'tis Lent an we've had too much meat. We quit smokin because 'tis Lent an We have a smokers heart. We quit drink because it's Lent an we want to see if tn brakes ar-re wurrukin'. We quit goln to tn theaytres because it's Lent
 an we're sick iv tn theaytres.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1903-03-08
A Monetary Force.

H. Irving Hancock in March Success
 Probably very few people who live and work outside the money markets ever have paused to con- slider the tremendous monetary force yielded 0y the insurance companies of the United States. The amount of money that these concerns handle is enormous. One may read that at present the sixty seven leading life insurance com panies of the United States hold securities of all kinds that aggre- gate more than one billion, five hundred million dollars. Imagina- tion fails to grasp such figures. It is equivalent to saying that there are one thousand five hundred banks in the country, each of which has a million dollars which it must keep invested.
 Striking as these figures are, they do not include the holdings of the lesser insurance companies,
The Birmingham age-herald., 1903-03-08
NCE there was a lonely

NCE there was a lonely 1" Man who Married, think W U ing that he would find a 0 Home, but, instead of that, he ran into an Experiment Station.
 The other end of the Team was the original Recipe Shark and Family Doctor.
 She was a bright, eagle-eyed Party with a high throbing Fore head and she was always on the lookout for New Wrinkles. Any time that she picked up the Lady's, Household Friend and read about a Cure for Chilblains, she would cut out the Article with the But Hole Scissors and then for Days afterward she would be snooping around for Case of Chilblains so that she could work on it.
 She had about 5000 of these Home Remedies up her Sleeve and any time that Arthur com plained of the slightest Ache or Pain, she lit on him like a Bee on a Flower and started in with one of her famous Treatments.
 She loved these private Clinics, with Arthur strapped to the Oper- ating Table. He had been blis- tered in so many different Places and handed so many kinds of Dope that he became Leery in time and always claimed to be feeling Inn mense, even though he did not think he would live through the Day.
 She had some awful Things rubbed up for him any time that he showed up with Bad Cold. She would give him Vinegar Tea and Lump of Sugar soaked in Kerosene. Then she would par boil his Feet and hand him a few Onion Poultices and put him to Bed with all the Covers over him, and let him lie there and Sozzle.
 Sometimes she almost drove him to Drink but he did not dare to drink very much for fear that she would give him some Secret Cure in his Coffee, and thereby rob him of a Thirst which he prized very highly.
 The Missus was a firm Believer in all these How-To Flim-Flams that run in the Monthly Maza- zines.
 How to Beautify the Home with out spending a Cent.
 How to live on 78 Cents Week.
 How to become a Lady Sandow by exercising 3 Minutes every Day.
 How to lift $2000 Mortgage on 8 Salary of $10 per Week.
 Usually, when he came Home, he found her draping an old Mother Hubbard over Shoe Box so as to make Hall Seat or else
The Birmingham age-herald., 1903-03-08

Arthur had the Old-faShioned Notion that all Kid needed was a Milk Diet and something Rubber on which to chew, but the Chief of the Experiment Station had a lot of Club Theories to be tested and she was working on little Herbert every Minute.
 This made 1t Fine for Father, because he could shake his Elec- tric Belt and get some real Food by fixing 1t with the Hired Girl, but 1t was a fierce Layout for It, tie Herbert Herbert never had a Chance to sneak out to the Club and tell his Troubles and get a lot of Sympathy.
 Herbert had to stay right there in the House and let the Mothers Club practice on him.
 He's a Wonder" said Arthur to his Friends at the Club. "If he lives through it, he'll make a grand Football Player some Day"
 Still Arthur was not discour- aged,
 There is always one Hope for the Boy who is brought Up accord ing to League Rules," said a Fla ther. Wait until he gets into the Public School and he will get wise to few Things and probably flash a few unexpected Developments on Mother Dear"
 Sure enough, when Teacher wrote a Note and said that Angel had shied Brick at Teamster and furthermore had licked the in- offensive Son of a poor Hod-Car- rier, the Experimental Mother threw Back Twister and won- dered why the Club System had failed to work out.
 MORAL: As the Father is Bent, the Child is Inclined.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1903-03-08
1903 SHIRT WAISTS For Lades-the New White Madras
 and Oxford Materials, choice $1.oo.

New colored and white Waists for Ladies, of fancy Madras, also white embroidered Lawns, Organdies and Swiss, at $1.es, $2.5o and up.
 Your attention is called to our line of FINE WAISTS at S1.49.. A new style cut to be shown first time to- morrow.
 White WASH SUITS for Ladies, the New Tub Frock." We've com plete line for tomorrow's sale at $3.e8 and up.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1903-03-08
Church Reading From the Bible.

From the Churchman.
 At the last of the Paddock lec- lures at the General Theological Seminary on Friday evening, Feb ruary 20, the Bishop of Vermont spoke principally of "The Reading of Holy Scripture He said that when it is considered how little of the Bible as a whole most people know save what they hear in church, 1t will be seen how great is the importance of ineligible. intelligent and reverent reading of the Scriptures in the congregation. The reading must be ineligible, the enunciation distinct and clear. Ceremonial propriety should surely require correct and careful articu- lation, as a part of the homage which is due to the divine Word. But this cannot be sufficient. IT we read intelligibly, we must also seek to read intelligently, to give, i. e., so far as we can, the proper and intended meaning to the words
The Birmingham age-herald., 1903-03-08
LADIES' NECK WEAR.

See the line of Ping-Pong colIa neatly Embroidered, at 39c and up.
 We show a very extensive line the New Collar and Cuff'' sets for dies, at 25c and up.
 See the show of Turnover" at | 25o and Wl
The Birmingham age-herald., 1903-03-08
MR DOOLEY BREACHES LENTEN SERMON
By F. P D. nnecopyrsht sos by Howard Russell

If it wasn't fir Lent in March none iv us wud live till tn Foorth iv July. Tn Lent says Father Kelly, T get me congregation back Tn Lent says Dock Grogan, T loose mine. Lent says Father Kelly, brings thim nearer Hiven.' An longer away says Dock Gro gan. It's hard wurruk fir me but I like it, says Father Kelly. It's my vacation time,' says Dock Gro gan but I don't care fir it. It makes thim think iv tn nex' wur- ruld,' says Father Kelly. An gives thim a betther hold on this,' says Dock Grogan. Its rellijon,' says Father Kelly. Its med'cine,' says Dock Grogan.
 "So I say, no medals, blaze. fir me on account iv that lump iv sugar. I done me jooty an no more. Whin tn divvile timpted me to put in tn lump I said: Get thee behind me, Satan, I'm too fat nowl' That was all. I done what was r-right because it was r-right an pious an a good thing fir me to do. 1 don't claim no gratichood. 1 don't ask fir amy admiration iv me piety. But don't look betther, Hinnissy? Don't ye see I'm little thinner?"
 Not an inch" said MT. Hen. messy. We're tn same hippypot. ymus ye was"
 Well, we'll" said MT. Dooley. That's sthrange. P'raps I'm a betther man afther all. How long did ye say it was to Pathrick's day?"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1903-03-08
A Precious Thing.

From the Brooklyn Life.
 "A reputation for honesty is a valuable asset" said the states man.
 "Yes, indeed" replied Senator Glucose, No one would dare to offer a man with such a reputa- tion a small bribe."
The Birmingham age-herald., 1903-03-08
Was Married.

From Puck.
 Mrs. Hayrake-Our son Josh writes from the Philippines that he's tired of fighting and wants to come home.
 MT. Hayrake-Goshi I'll bet tn goshdurned chump's been glttin married.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1903-03-08
NEW DRESS TRIMMINGS

No other Birmingham store will show you such a complete line.
 The new Persian Buttons (orna- ments) in fancy colorings.
 New Persian Bands, in colored Silks, with Strawberry design.
 New applique in Grape designs and trimmings to match in silk, in black and white. All-overs in white and cream. bands and edgings to match in assorted widths.
 The New Medallions in pear effects, in silk, inb lack, also white.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1903-03-08
A Long Shot.
From Judgt

FTOm JudBe.
 Little Clarence (who reads and ponders) Pa, who was Pepys?
 MT. Callipers-I don't know. my son-in fact, I do not know anybody who does know; but fancy he was the man who first invented dyspepsia.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1903-03-08
OUR CORSET DEp'
We are Exclusive Agers for "REDFERN" Cor sets.

The peer of any Corset offered Birmingham-it stands peerless al alone" in a class of its own. IT price is s2.50 and up, in short and n dium lengths-all in the new front and deep hip. These are ham made, bias cut, gored corsets. A ways investigate REDFERN'S befoI buying new Corsets. For tomorrow line of bargains await you.
 R. & G., Royal Worcester and SC eraI other brands short Corsets, valu S1.5O and S2.oo. Sample Corsets at '
 Long R. & G. Corsets, worth up s1.00. Special Price, 5ec. All sizes white
The Birmingham age-herald., 1903-03-08

we pronounce. The sense of Scrip. ture is Scripture, and it is this which we are to bring home to the people. Deliberately and on prin. ciple to refrain from reading with emphasis. so as to avoid putting ones own interpretation on the sacred writings is a curious mode of showing reverence to God. The same word may stand in varying connections for different thoughts. The same phrase and sentence will stand for different ideas, according to the emphasis and expression with which it is pronounced. The great object will be sinking con. sciousness of self to deliver the divine message. It should perhaps be added that to do this in reading does not involve theatrical declam. atiOn.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1903-03-08
Quite Enouah.

From the Brooklyn Life.
 But there's plenty of money In politics" said his friend.
 "Oh, yes," said the politician, but like other remunerative lines, it's over-crowded."
The Birmingham age-herald., 1903-03-08
Last Resort.

From Puck.
 Jaggies-The cost of living is in- creasing all the time.
 Waggles-Yes, indeed! If the necessaries of life keep going up it won't be long before we'll have to fall back on the luxuries.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1903-03-08
HOSIERY DEPARTMENT
 The Reliable Kind
he Reliable Kind

For Men, Women and Children.
 The School Hose for Boys offered at 15c per pair, worth 25c.
 Children's fast black Hose in me ribbed, pair for .... ...... ... zoe
 Ladies' black Hose, full finish, at 1oc
 Ladies' fine fast black "Hernsdorf Dye" Hose, 40 guage, at -. ...... lsc Mems fancy and black Half Hose, pair for. .... .... ....''S
 Some fine lace work Half Hose, for Men, at, pair.... .... ..'. ......eoS
The Birmingham age-herald., 1903-03-08
Jigeerson's s Tip.

From the Moon.
 Mrs. Jiggerson-What makes you think the Welsh rarebit will disagree with you, Henry?
 MT. Jiggerson (gloomily)-I have inside information, my dear.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1903-03-08
SILKS :! SILKS!

The new soft-corded Silks in pretty colorings, soc value. ..... ....3oc
 Black Taffeta, guaranteed 85c quail ity, at.... .... .... .... ....osc
 Fine Black Taffeta, 65c value. .4sc
 27-inch Black Taffeta. .. ....e8c New Peau de Cygne, the s1.25 qual- ity, 27-inch, at. t................. .$1.19
 New Lining Silks, "Yukamaya," in Black and colors =. ..... .39c
 Fancy Stripe Silks, the waistings, 27-inch, at. ... .... .... .$1.19
 Full line Chifons, Liberty and Mouseline Trimmings.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1903-03-08
ART DEPARTMENT.
We are the Birmingham Agents for the Famous "Hemminway Silks.

New effects in Pillow Tops at 25e. Extensive line.
 Handsome Line Tapestry Tops for Pillows, new colors, 49c.
 Pretty hand embroidered Pillow Tops, at 99c-
 Battenberg Braids in a very com plete assortment; also Lace Braids for any needle work you may desire.
 Stamped Linen Scarfs, 75e, ssc and SIPS.
 Full line Laundry Bags, 25c and up. SEE SHOW.
 Immense line Battenberg Patterns. Anything you may desire.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1903-03-08
TOILET ARTICLES

Colgate's large size Bath Soap, cake '''.- IVY
 Colgate's Turkish Bath Soap, at. cake. -. .... .... -.
 Colgate's Clematis Toilet Soap, cake.... .... .... .... ......' .oe
 Armour's Fine Art Toilet Soap, box. .... .... ........ 'Se
 Armour's Witch Hazel Toilet Soap, DoX. wv
 Large size Toilet Soap, Sc cake, dozen. .... .ooc
 Cascarilla, Medicated, 3 cakes Tor .... <oc'
 We sell everything in Colgate's line, Bay Rum, Extracts, Toilet Water, Sachet Powders. Talcum Powder.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1903-03-08
See the Great Ribbon Drive
 at l5c Yard.

No. 40 to 80, all silk Wash Taffeta. in black and all colors. Some 500 pieces to sell
 BABY RIBBON at 1sc and 1c yard. See the Remnant Baskets.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1903-03-08
NEW DRESS FABRICS


 Lattice Cloths, 3S-inch, all wool, black and colors, at.... ..... =. .49c
 Mohair in Hair Line and Pekin stripes, 4O-inch (reyersible) at. .5sc
 Pretty Ettamines 48 inches wide, in black and colors, brand new. .95c
 New snowflake Dress Fabrics, 54 inches, black and colors.. .. ....S1.25
 All wool Cheyiot, 40-inch. ...... .49c
 Sicillian Cloths, 48-inch, in black and colors, reversible. ....... .8ec
 The new Shepherd Checks, also Pin Checks 3S-inch.... .... ....4sc
The Birmingham age-herald., 1903-03-08
INFANTS, CAPS

Lawn Caps, "a sample line," value soc and 75c, choice 3sc. Each a bar gain.
 Some very pretty fine bargains in infants new Lawn and Organdy Caps at.... .... .25c We show line of Caps second to none in the South, at the popular price of
 08C. Chiidren's Caps for all ages.
Daily new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1897-1906, 1903-11-17
Rent anu Want Ads.

FOUND A road order for Sc. 80 in
favor oil A. A. Sample was left at
this office Owner can have it by
paying for this notice.
For SALE:--A good horse and
grocer's delivery wagon. A bargain.
Call at this office.
For SALE OR RENT--New 1e room
house in South Park, house just
being completed, every modern con-
vience; HOT and cold water, laundry
equipment, Paved street, fine loca-
ton. Will be sold at sacrifice IL
sold quick. Address post office box
TIA or see A. A. Rogers. Ash street
near White Ave.
For sALE.--Billiard 81 Pool Room
at a bargain. 800 will buy my out.
fit consisting Of billiard 3. pool tables,
five cue racks, dozen cues, and ali
other fixtures, best in town. A part
cash, balance on easy payments. Call
and see room.
c. L. ST.. CLAIR
Opp. New Wallace House
Daily new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1897-1906, 1903-11-17
Obituary..

Jesse Selby the subject of this sketch
was born near Easton W. Va, July
%, 1885, died at his home North
Fifth street Martins Ferry Ohio,
Tuesday night November 2, 1908, aged
81 years 3 months and 10 days. He
was united in marriage to Miss Eme-
line Weaver, February "a, 1869. to
this union one son was born, Allen
Thurman Selby, now one of tho lead
Ing shoe merchants in Martins Ferry.
Jesse was son Of the late James and
Margaret Selby once prominent citizens
of Monopgalia county.
He was one of nine children aV Of
whom are gone but Leonard Selby,
Mrs. Mary Reese, and Agnes Stofer.
Mr.. Selby spent the first thirty years
of his life in and about Easton, his
old home, and for some years taught
school.
When about thirty years of age he
went to Martins Ferry Ohio, and
with his older brother learned the
trade,o bricklaying, later he became
the leading contractor in that city
Churches, school buildings, facto-
ries and dwelling houses many stand
as monuments to his industry and
workmanship.
No man in business will BE missed
more than Mr.. Selby. He was honest,
industrious and as result of these
commendahle traits he left his wife
and son in easy circumstances.
Mr.. Selby was member of the
Presbyterian church and for eighteen
years was one Of its trustees. He
was prominent member of the local
order of Odd Fellows.
His funeral was largely attended
by all classes, among whom were many
OF the leading citizens OF the Ohio
Valley.
His funeral services were conduct
ed by Rev. j. S. Boyle, castor of the
Presbyterian church, assisted ny his
nephew Rev j. Alfred Selby, presi-
dent of the Muskingham annual
Conference, Methodist Protestant
Church. His remains were laid to
rest in the beautiful Riyerview Gem
etery overlooking the majestic waters
of the Ohio river S.
Daily new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1897-1906, 1903-11-17
PROF. l.. NJ. MATHERN
The Professional Dancing Mas ter of
Pittsburg will Make His Headquar-
tiers In MOrgantOwn.

During the next two weeks be-
ginning Monday Nov. End, / will be
in my hall on the FIRST floor, Dering
Building, Dorner of Spruce and
Wiley streets every day at the tot.
lowing hours; from 8 a. IA. to II
o'clock noon from l p. m. to 5 p. m.
and from $50 p m. to 8 p. NJ. So
come around any time during the
day and ] will make arrangements
to instruct you. | will also start
an advanced dancing class, in which
none but the fancy dances, that are
used in the large cities OF today,
will be taught.
| teach children both the waltz
and two step, as we'll as the fancy
dances now in vogue; from 4 years
of age up to Ia years of age at hall
rates. If YOU come to my hall once
you will never go any where else.
PRoT. L. nj. MATHERN,
Instructor.
Daily new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1897-1906, 1903-11-17
A Mammoth Holiday Issue.

The December Delineator Christ
mas Number represents the high
water mark of beauty and utility,
and possibly of circulation also, in a
woman's magazine, having a first
edition of more than a million copies.
1t contains 240 pages. To produce
this mammoth edition 72S tons of
paper and 40 presses working %
days were required. In addition to
exquisite color work, clever fiction
and strikingly illustrated articles.
the number includes a display of
charming Winter fashions covering
forty-two pages, letters from the
foreign fashion centres and illus
trated articles on the fashionable
fabrics and trimmings, millinery etc.
There are many beautiful art fea
lures, among them tour pages in
colors representing Bahyhood Child
hood. Girlhood and Motherhood
the woIk q Bernard j. Rosenmeyer.
For the cllidren there are entertain
ing. games and stories, and for the
housewife many practical sugges
tions in cookery and other depart
meuts OF the home for the Christmas
season.
Daily new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1897-1906, 1903-11-17

Locals anu Personals.
Chancery Hill is the most de
sirable.

Chancery Hill is the most de-
sirable.
c. A. Ford who has been visitor
at Fairmont has returned home.
Miss Anna B. Showalter of Har-
risville the talented pianist and
vocal soIoist arrived here Sunday
afternoon and will be the guest of
Miss Beulah Hubbard for several.
days.
Mr.. and Mrs. Frank Stellar have
invited a number of friends to a
card party at their home Wednes-
day evening in honor of Miss Mary
Crouch of Pittsburg who is their
guest.
THE Choral Society of the Univer-
sity held its regular meeting Mon
dny evening and nearly all of the
members were present. The beauti-
full orat 1rio est. Paul. is being stu
died with devotion by the members.
1t promises to be one of the finest
things in the music al line ever heard
Eere.