The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1903-12-12

Lectures on How to Hold Your Best
Girls Hand-ciass Discussion on the
Proper Application Of the Terms
"Duckie" and "Dovie.''
Mrs Julia E. Work of Plymouth, Ind,
has new idea in social science, namely.
a Normal School for Courtship She will
make annual excursions to some western
town with class of young women. Here
they will look the men over and If there
are any that show sigEs of proposing
marriage Mrs. Work will analyze their .
cases before the class and show whether
or not they are worthy of the girls.
There is one chair in Mrs Works col
lege that we should like to hold. It is the
iectureship on the applied art of holding
your best girls hand with laboratory
work three times a week.
Mrs. Work will give short courses on
How to Faint When Young Man Puts.
His Arm Around Your Waist" There
will also be class discussions of the ques-
ton whether the terms ''duckie" or 'sdoyio"
should be used previous to ..engagement.
How would you like to take little post
graduate course at Mrs. Works giddy
young university?
Dearie, are you suffering from cardiac
pressure; is your vital force or cell energy
on the wane? Are you Respondent and
w yOQ tlliiN no Ollc cares LOT you. The
trouble with you is that you have a corn
on the supra -illiac nerve. Try our course
of twenty one home treatments for 81.
Write us and get a full dog-nosis for IS
cents. The diagnosis also includes one
box of DR.. Bunsen's. lilac Corn Extractor
and Magic Life Powders, warranted TO
make you feel kinky inside of forty-eight
hours or money tearfully refunded-if you
can get it out of us. Yours for humanity,
DR.. Nonpareil.
In a lecture before the art class in KAN
sas university Professor Blake declared
that man is the only animal capable of
perceiving colors. We would like to see
the professor wave a red cloth in front Of
the cows gentleman friend.
The cable tells us that Venice is flooded:
When we We're there the streets were
quite damp and the street sprinkler was
not out, either.
Captain Hobson advocates an expendil
ture of $3.50, 100000 on the navy. Just
as We got it comfortably spent the pres
ent naval machines would go out of date.
The British house Of lords has refused
to allow women to practice law. If we
Know them, they will just stick out their
tongues and wrinkle their noses at the
lords and go out and practice anyhow.
And serve the lords right too
On the gulf side of Panama the tide
is only three or four feet high but on
the Pacific side forty or SO miles away
1t sometimes rises as high as twenty
four feet. Why not cut little ditch and
let the high tide rush over into the At
lantlc and so scour out, the passage?. No
charge is made the government for this
simple suggestion.
3 y =
There are some varieties of grafters
who are not in the city government. For
instance. there are those physicians who
grated that poor mans 5000 ear on to
| a New York millionaire. -9,s 81.
Last night the toy store man had
| glorious dream. He seemed to see >eyerv-
| thing coming his way. When he walked
! along the street he dreamed that the coal
| man and the ice man stood to one side
| by themsely whispering and pointing to
| him. His store was just loaded, to the
| door with toys and he had a corner on
the stuff, too; SO that Santa Claus had
to come to- him to get his supplies. N.Y.
(, but that toy man was! feeling cocky!
/ And just then he awoke and found that
| 1t was all true story.
Editor Peases of the Anoka Union pro-
/ tests against the annual slaughter of deer
for sport. He says that 10000 of these
beautiful creatures have been slain this
year. Isn't it glorious to think of these
! little palpitating bodies and minds. these
| little brothers OF the Wild stretched
out in their death agonies! 1t is almost
as good as war.
4 Query No. ,so2" writes to our old friend,
Medical Talk, as follows:
L have been sufferer from nervous prostra ton
Tor three, years. due to nauitriton. m
agrees with me better than Anything else want
TO try the milk cure. Will you give explicit
directions how TO take it! Would meal of
fruit, such as baked apples and peaches, and one
slice of whole wheat bread. interfere with the
milk thought it would keep from tirfng
CT it, but If am perfectly willing to try the
milk exclusively. E. II. S., Butler y. ].
Medical Talk then goes to work and
lays down a lot of laws to guide E. H.
SIS little stomach in its life-and- death
wrestle with "the milk cure" Personally
we do not believe that baked apples,
peaches and one slice of whole wheat
bread would interfere with the milk
cure If they did, we would feel like
slapping them.
The Morton. Mimi, Enterprise has been
e without a printer for a few days, but
recently obtained one just as the ''old
man was on the verge of collapse from
4 printers paralysis. In noting the arrival
prise says:
| Monday G. O. Cooley, printer. arrived AND
the bourgeois type in this office reared upon its
hind legs and howled for joy: the nonpareil and
BREWER joined hands and crced to The left while
the roller and ink key embraced kissed and for
t got the Vast The office towel fell over where
1t was ST. ndng and broke into three pieces, but
all is quiet as we go to press
Just when the Enterprise man wa.
struggling the hardest to keep the thing
going "a friend dropped in to ask him
why he didn't write any more Of them
: funny pieces 2" The Enterprises Growlei
column, you know, is highly thought of If
Morton. The Enterprises reply was tc
the point:
i Well, my friend, did you ever try to pay so
i expenses with $40? r you never did. try 1t ant
Y see now darned funny you will get. Why, there
nre times when Saturday comes and the faithful
people who have done good weeks work come
1 is not a dollar in the cash drawer to pay with
s and we have earned five times the amount, tha
a we fairly double up with sparkling fun. Well
| it is the funniest kind of fun. Now. IL yor
want fun. Just pay US half you owe us and 1t vii
give you fun.
There is much in this. A man with 6
corn who can be funny when his shoe
r is pinching is a genuine humorist.
: "A. ]. r.
y ADVANTAGES OF ELECTRIC PoWEF
:. Scientific American.