The Savannah morning news. (Savannah, Ga.) 1900-current, 1903-02-15

CAoOr Is llnuln IN SOln 10
put pT ,,, blast ., chimbly into
books! Here's a fellow settin' down to
write an gettin' tn good money w tn
public that hasn't amy style, amy
polish an don't know tn first ilimints
iv tn Greek language. An his
charackters! I tell We, boys. I know
few things about kings. 1 don't go
by hearsay about thin. I know thin.
I've had thin right in me own house.
they'se slept undher me roof an even
firm tn barn where coort etiket pre-
scribes 1 mus lay me bed whin rielty
is in tn house, I've heard tn kngly
snore iv that charnin' monarch Ed
ward iv illusthrees memory who ray
Numbers me name. l can tell We all
about kings an will il somewan will
lock TIL dure. An 1 say to We that
this man Homer don't know a king
firm doose. He's got wan charactker
in tn book, a king be tn name iv
Achills. What kind iv king does he
make iv him? Is he a small, r-round,
naughty king with a pinted beard who
says. ANDY, FIR foolish little man,
We have very good house" Not at
all; this Achills is no more an no
less thin a drunken vagabone. He's
roysterin' an cuttin' up firm mornin'
to night; he's chopin people open;
he's insultin' his friends an betrayin'
his country an f1n'lly he dies be beln'
hit on tn heel. Did We i've rhear tn
like? 4 know kings. tell we an that's
not tn kind iv men they ARE at all.
They don't carry soords but canes. l
wear chip firm tn cane Nv wan Nv
thin who shall be nameless to all but
We me friends, but it was King Ed
ward, wear a silver firm his walkin'
stick over me heart at this minyit
They don't get dhrunk, at all. AS a
rule they ar-re very timprate in their
habits, though not teetotal, mind ye.
A little booze at lunch an a little
more at dinner an a short, hot wan
before goin' to bed. If king gets a
little picked by amy chanst, don't
an fight like a cabman. He
slaps me on tn back, offers
to race me ar-rcund Skibo Castle FIR a
dollar, weeps little because he amt
we'll threated at home, an goes to
sleep on a lounge. Far firm 'dhres-
sim in a little short ballet dancer s
skirts with bare legs tn way this fell
low Homer makes thin out, kings is
very modestly attired in a black coat
an pearl-colored pants although
don't mind tellin' we that I did wanst
have tn good fortune to see a mon
arch that 1 won't name, but p'raps We
can guess, in pair Nv pyjamas-but
aven thin. ivry inch king as he or
dhered me away firm his dure. Homer
don't know tn customs iv good s'cie-
ty. He writes like a cook. 1 was so
furyous l hurled tn book into tn fire
an I'm goin' to direct that amy flu
ture wurruk Nv his be excluded firm
me libries,' he says.
"An' there's Homer in tn fire. Poor
OF la-ad. His day is done He's
been caught falxin' an nobody will
thrust him again. If We go into tn
Dope Lovers Libry, an ask FIR tn
PONIES iv Homer, they'll say: L want
: We to understand this is a rayspicta-
bic shop. Take a copy iv treeumphant
democracy be A. Carnaygie. Hop on
there! Don't we throw that inkstandr
Poor OF la-ad. Where'll he turr
now? Mind we, l think me frind An
dhrew Carnaygie is Fright. TIL boob
/ iv Homer's PONIES that Hogan brought
in here wan day had pitchers iv tn
kings an wud We believe it, they was
all thruckmen. Yes, sir ivry king iy
thin was dhrivin' a dhray an fightin
! firm it jus like We see thin on tn
docks. l suppose tn poor, oil man
niver see a king in his life. His idee
iv a king is a big fellow on a deliv'ry
wagon. But I'm sorry Carnaygie whit
at him that trough. He ought to
considered that he was oil an blind
an hasn't got more thin a millyon
years longer to live. If he'd stint him a
phottygraft or a short description or
something to wur-ruk on, an thin if
he didn't put a cutaway coat on
Achills, it wud be time to hammer
him. But tn harm is done. Homer
cooked. It's gr-reat joke on Hogan -
Il wondher what he'll say" said Mr..
Hennessy.
Maybe" said Mr. Dooley, he'll say
that Homer don't care"