Alaska sentinel., 1903-04-16

l NeWS.
 Mamma-Why, Robbie! Crying at the table? What Is the matter? Bobby (quite sobby)-The's four kinds of cake, an I'm only hungry enough to eat two. i-Brooklyn Life.
 Positive Testimony: You needn't tell me" ayerred Miss Batchgurl, that golf isn't good exercise. It makes the young men so strong In the arms that that you can scarcely breathe. cago Tribune.
 She-You certainly wouldn't marry & girl for her money, would you? He Of course not. Neither would have the heart to let her become an old maid merely because she had money Chicago Daily News.
 | Mrs. Aufait-Now, Nora, be very careful of this cut-glass punchbowL It cost a mint of money. Nora-In- dade, mum. We'll It's rale tough. Sure an I trapped 1t three times already. an niver faxed it.-Life.
 Trouble in Store: Young Husband (to wifep-Dldn't I telegraph you not to bring your mother with you? Young | Wife-I know; that's what she wants to see you about. She read the tele- gram.-St. Louis Mirror l Entirely too particular: Terrence with the hodl-Yer not workin', Din nle. Are yez out of a job? Dennis Sure, Oi fell off a nine-sthory buildin' yisterday, an Oi got mad and quit. Terrence-Aw, go on, Yer too sinsi- tive.-Judge.
 Claribel-You told me you were never going to write to young Hank | inson again Angie-He's written me dozen letters I haven't answered, but in his last one he left page out, and l had to write and ask him what it was about. Chicago Tribune.
 No cause for suicide: Miss Dream ler-When you stood on the brink of | Niagara, and looked into the seethlng surging, unfathomable depths below. did you not feel that you would like to jump in? MT. Tourier-No, I hadn't received by hotel bill then.-New York 1 Weekly.
 Aids to discrimination: Doctor James, did that lady In the waiting room come In her own coach or a troll | ley car? Servant-Trolley car. sir! Doctor-Thanks! I couldn't tell from her dress whether to prescribe three mor,ns at Newport or sulphur and molasses s.-Puck.
 Failure: "I thought Spoonamore was going to marry Miss Garlinghorn, but l see she has let him get away" Yes her father didn't appear to be | at all anxious for the match, and her mother was little too anxious. She l lost him on account of bad team ! work.-Chicago Tribune. | Fallen of: A colonel of an infantry regiment, while inspecting his com mand, happened to be thrown from his horse, and, as he lay sprawling on tho ground, said to a brother officer, who ran to his assistance: II thought had l improved in horsemanship, but find have fallen off. off."-Illustrated Bits.
 Trouble ahead: Weary Willie-I'm | gettin' d little nervous about desc here | flying machines. Plodding Pete-Why nervous? Weary Willie-Well, as soon as dey gifts flying machines dey'll be 1 gittin' aerial freight trains, and 1t don't be no clnch gettin' chucked of an aerial freight train. femme tell yer! Puck.
 | tHinrp. hMa v marked the small boy. isn't 1t funny that everybody calls little brother a bouncing babyf" Why do you think It Is funny, William?" returned his mother Because when dropped him off the porch this morning he didn't bounce bit. He just hollered." -Tit-Bits.
 The Bride (weeping)-Oh, J-Jack, we've-we've got to, j-just got to give u-p b-boarding, and g-go to h-house-k- keeping-g. Hubby-Why, lovey, what's the matter? The Brlde-Mrs. Worrits has been telling me all afternoon about the trouble she has with cooks, and I didn't have anything to tell her-Har- per's Bazaar.
 The hotel of 2OU3: Clerk-Michael, are you about through moving those trunks? Porter-Yis. sor; in few minutes. Clerk-Well, when you've finished, stretch the life net over the front pavement. Mrs. Hibawl has just telephoned from the top floor that her husband has fallen out of the window. Smart Set.
 Automobile proverbs: "To auto or to be autoed, that is the question" An auto In the hand Is worth two In the repair shop" He who autoes and rides away will live to auto another day" Run over others as they would run over you and-do 1t first" "To have raced and lost is better than not to have raced at all. ."-Maryyille (Kan.) Tribune.
 In a Southern State the other day a