The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1903-04-02
=, '%s::,,f1psHES


beefsteak. A real large one, as my
eyesight is very poor.-Ex.
Yeast-"It's hard to keep a good man
down" Observation-Disclosures why
they put such heavy monuments over
some of them, suppose. "-Yonkers
Statesman.
Softleigh-Are you quite sure Miss
Banks is not in? The Maid-Of course
l am. She gave me one of your photo
graphs in order to make me doubly
sure.--Chicago Daily News.
Bryan still seems to think he's very
much like Thomas Jefferson" "And
80 he Is" NONSENSE Fact. The
only difference Is that Jefferson Is
buried. "-Philadelphia Press.
Mrs Upjohn-"What beautiful floors!
How do you keep them so nicely pol
ished?" Mrs. Gaswell giving her the
icy glare)-"I don't l leave that to
the housemaid Chicago Tribune.
Lawyer-"Have you ever seen the
prisoner at the bar?" Witness-"No,
sir; but l have seen him many times
when strongly suspected he had been
at t."-Philadelphia Evening Bulletin.
Mrs. Watts-Trumps-Oh, yes, we
had a delightful time. We played
cards the whole evening. Mr. Watts
Trumps-N Lucy; we only
played between the anecdotes.-Tit-
Bits.
Lady Caller Ito old family SERVANT
Well, Bridget, did Master Arthur shoot
any tigers in India? Bridget-Of
coorse he did. Shure we have the
horns of the craychurs hung in the
hall!-Punch.
ng.-She-"How's the motor
car getting on. Sir Charles" He
"Well fact is, I've seen very little Of
it. You see, I've only had 1t three
months, and when it isn't in the hospi-
tai, l am."-Punch.
IF you kiss me again, sir. shall call
my motherv whats the use of that?"
said Chollie Freshe; you know I'd
prefer to kiss you. and, besides, your
father might object to my kissing the
old y."-Baltimore Herald
A Vision of Bliss.-Rastus-"Ah
dreamed oh heaben las night" Zeke
Am dat so? An what did 1t look
like" Rastus-"A monst'us big chick
en- roose in de middle OBJ a watermil-
lion patchw-San Francisco Bulletin.
Subbubs-We've got a new girl at
our house. Backlotz-Hah! It's easy
enough to get new girl, but can you
keep her? Subbubs-The doctor thinks
so. He declares she weighs nine
pounds at least.-Philadelphia Press.
A South Carolina Finding.-"What
was the verdict that the coroner's jury
returned?" "Willful neglect Of duty
on the part of the deceased. He went
out unarmed, knowing the other fellow
was in own"-Chicago Record-Her-
aid.
Blessed sleep: 'Supposing you
woke up some day and found yourself
a millionaire-whatd you do?" go
right to sleep again, so that the knock
ing of the tax assessors on the door
wouldn't annoy me!'-Baltimore Her
aid.
Satisfied Quite.-Nervous Old Lady
~ hope your horse is quiet, cabman.
What's she laying back her ears like
that for-lookr Cabby (complacently)
-"Oh. that's only her feminine curiosi-
ty, mum. She likes to hear where she's
a-goin' tov'-Tit-Bits.
Why John Was Absent.-The follow
ing brief but explicit telegram was
sent from a nearby State to Georgia
recently: Reason John didn't git
home fer Christmas wuz-he stopped
In hotel fer the first time in his life.
an bowed out the gas."-Atlanta Con-
stitutiOn.
Tallent-What's this? Lost.
house dog; liberal reward will be
paid for his return" Why, man,
there's your dog out in the yard this
moment. Gilfore-Yes; somebodyu
come along and steal him as soon as
that advertisement gets about.-Bos-
ton Transcript.
Scribbler - "ConfOund 1t, Maria!
didn't l tell you not to let the baby
touch anything on my desk?" His
Wife-"Well, you know l can't watch
her all the time. Has she done any
mischief? Scribbler-'I should say
she has! She's written historical
novel."-Judge.
IL see it's become so windy on the
corner where the Flatiron Building
has been erected in New York that
sometimes people are blown off their
feet" How humiliating 1t must be
for q New Yorker to be carried of his