The semi-weekly messenger. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1897-1908, 1903-02-27
THE MODERN FABLE OF THE
LECTURE TICKETS THAT WERE

oOOO111 DOA 49, OSAO
copyright. 1903, ty Robert Howard
Russell.)
Once there was a Mn living in a
Big Town and he had a Cousin whom
ne had never seen. Some people are
very lucky as 10 their Relatives.
The Man who lived in the Wicked
METROPOLIS was named Sanford and the
Cousin who lived out in the Woods
was known as LATE. although his real
Name was Lafayette.
Every Christmas, Sanford would
~nd Lafe some kind of a stingy Gift
and then Lafe would r%etaliate by ship
ping in a fat Turkey for Thanksgiving.
There was a formal Exchange OF Let
ters about twice per Year.
Sanford was a good deal Upset one
aay To receive Word that Cousin La
Fayette was coming 10 spend a Week
Whatever Joy he felt, he did not snow
at all.
The visiting Cousin is liable 10 be a
Fierce Proposition under the most Ia
yorabIe Conditions, but it is more than
Hard Luck to be saddled with n who
is q Total Stranger. Sanford was
hoping that the Train wouI run OIL
the Track but he wrote Cousin Late to
be sure and come right to the House.
Sanford saw a very pink Week ahead
~ him. He was not very strong for
the ChaperOn Game. He could SEE
himself neglecting Business in order
to lead Cousin Late around and show
him the Sky-Scrapers. the Anlmal IN
the Park, the Eden Musee and tn
big Engine in the Power-House- He
had observed that the EXcuTslonlst -
always keen to. see a lot of Sights that
are a Sealed Book to the Man who
lives right in the City.
Sanford tried TO get a Line on Cous-
In Late so as to frame up the r.gnt
kind of a Programme. He could tell
by the Picture in the Family Album
that LATE was a Pure Character ana
somewhat of a Rube. He looked as II
he would like to be a Preacher Dut
could not quite make it. His Open
Co~untenance had that sweet and trust
ing Expression OF the Hubbard squash
who is willing to give two Tens Tor a
Five.
So far as Sanford could learn. Cousin
Lafe was a kind of moral S~ign-Board
ana lIlS ODIcCl ASoSOh III 'HG
Jay Town which claimed him as its
swn- He was a Cemetery Trustee and
Chairman OF the Committee to solicit
Funds for the new Y. NJ. c. A. Build
ing. Also he had been prominent in
She Sunday-Closing Movement and the
Main Kazoo in the Citizens Reform
league
Accordingly Sanford had all the
Drinkables removed from the Side
Board and he warned the Children not
to Laugh while Cousin Late was say
ing Grace at the Table. Then he went
cut and bought some Tickets for a
Lecture and got a written Permit to
go through the Car-Shops.
He went to the Station to meet the
rural Lamb and protect him against
the I'M He saw a Hot Spor
with a new Suit of Clothes and a Red
Tie come through the Gate but he did
not spot anything that a
Cemetery Trustee. While he was still
waiting. the Hot Sport came up and
waIloped him on the Back and intro
duCed himself.
What do you think?" asked the
President of the Yapville Citizens Re-
form League. Il got into a Poker
Game with two of them Ikey Drum
mers on the Train and trimmed them
for 81 Sanctions. If the Train had
been half a hOur late, I'd have got
their Sample-Cases. I've got a Roll
here that would choke a Horse and l
have a Feeling that 1 am about to Buy.
We drank up everything in the Dining
Car except the CatsTp before We got
to Springfield and l wouldn't take 81
for my Thirst. By the way, l want to
tell you that I've left my Pajamas at
Home and o might as well move that
Bed out of my Room, because l won't
aeed it. If you have any Word to
send to your Folks before we cut loose.
step into the Box and telephone while
you're still able to talk"
"What do you wish to see first of all,
the Parks or the Power-HouSe?" asked
Sanford.
eff it's all the same TO YOU" said
the Cemetery Trustee. II should like
to begin my Vacation by putting a
tall Crimp in the Guy that spins the
little Ivory Ball. Then you can send
home for your Low-Neck and we Will
have q little Dinner Party. 1 have en-
gagged the Louis XIV, Room at the
Hotel. / have in my Suitcase nc less
than II Letters of Introduction to we'll
known Society Ladies who are always
Hungry. This Afternoon 1 expect 70
nave all the Messenger Boys in Town
busy. When we sit down this Evening.
there will be IS worth OF Violets and
four Cocktails at every Plate. I'll show
these Tessies that I'm no Pfker. After
the Eats we are going Yer and sit in
all OF the Boxes at the Rough House
Show that I've been reading about.
After that We are going to a nice,
quiet all-night Restaurant. where they
where they have the Hungarian Or
chestra, and any one that passes away
before 6 a. NJ. will be called a GUTTER"
Are you Cousin Lafe or a RingerT"
asked Sanford.
81 am the Cemetery Trustee, all
right. all right" was the reply. "a
Cemetery Trustee breaks over only
about once in Three Years but when he
does hit the Track he makes a Mile in
zoo look like a Funeral Procession.
For many Months 1 W been drink
irp Mill ard %noisoning as an EyampIe