davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The San Francisco call., 1903-12-29
BIRTHS MARRIAGES DEATHS

Birth. marriage and death notices sent BY
mail viii not be inserted: They must be handeo
in at either Of the publication Offices and be
indorsed with the name and residence of per
sons authorized to have the same pubAshed.
Notices restricted simply to the announcement
of the event are published once in this column
free Of charge.
BORN.
BAER-In this city. December 20, 1908, to
the wife OF Albert Baer (nee Cohenl, son.
LEMISCH-In this city, December 20, 1905,
to the wife Of NJ Lemisch, son.
SCOTT-In this city, December 2T, 1903 to
the wife Of Shailer NJ. Scott Jr., daughter
The San Francisco call., 1903-12-29
F. J. MoNAHAN. Manager. Tel Mission 81.
MONAHAN, O'HARA & co.

FUNERAL DIRECTORS AND EMBALMERs.
Z33S-23u Mission St. near Nineteenth.
San Francisco.
The San Francisco call., 1903-12-29
0ceaRIcSSCO: . :::.:ss 4: s9s .ss':' 4:

6 s SIERRA for Honolulu. samoa. Auck-
land ard sydney. Thursday, Dee 81. p.
S s. MARIPOSA. for Tahiti. Jan 8. 1904.
s s. ALAMEDA. Tor Honolulu Jan 0. 1904.
II a. m.
kI. spaseEEISa BaaS 60, lgs. TskEions, ,s43 gsTais
EsEQatafHea. $50 EaFkat St.. PisF Ie. Z. Panfc s.
The San Francisco call., 1903-12-29

viii be received at the Bureau of
Supplies and Accounts Navy Department.
Washington y. c.. until II o'clock noon.
January u, 1904, and publicly opened imrne-
diately thereafter, to furnish az the navy
yards, Mare Island, Cal, and Puget Sound
Wash, quantity of lighting WIRE electrical
supplies, hand scrub brushes corn brooms
moldlng sand. brick fire brick. fire CLAW
screws. brass wire miscellaneous hardware
wrought-iron screens, lenses, 1acing and rig
ging leather Oregon pine. cedar oak sheet
brass pig lead. bar steel, galvanized sheet
steel American and Norway bar iron pig
iron. scrap iron, magnesia pipe covering
brags pipe, copper pipe iron pipe valves,
pipe fittings special castings. hydrants, gaso-
line, rotten stone laundry soap, safety
matches, cotton waste. foundry facings cleo
trio deck winch electro galvanizing plant.
and driving a number of piles Blank pro-
posals will be furnished upon application 70
the Navy Pay Offices, San Francisco, Cal.~
and Seattle Wash H r. B. HARRIS Pay
master General. L. s. N 12-7-'O3
The San Francisco call., 1903-12-29
SEWING MACHINES AND sUPPLIEs

GIVE her "A White for New Years and she
will sew right all the year Have you seen
our latest White Sewing Machine? Auto
matte lift. chainstitch Iockstitch and hem
stitch combination: rent sell on easy
payments; we want sewing machine men;
come and have a talk with us: phene Black
HOG 800 Post ST.. 1S41 Fillmore ST. and 7Os
Valencia St. S. F. or phone Brush SOL 4TO
Thirteenth ST.. Oakland. WHITE SEWING
MACHINE COMPANY
The San Francisco call., 1903-12-29

BERKELEY ROOMS TO LET.
THREE large, sunny rooms. two connecting
bath; board II desired. MRS. BOLAND, 221S
Union St, Berkeley
The San Francisco call., 1903-12-29
BERKELEY ADVERT'S'M'NTS

IN Berkeey-For sale rent, furnished. an
S-roomed house. with lawns. etc; near cars,
university and schools. Address box 1885,
Call office.
The San Francisco call., 1903-12-29

DIVIDEND NOTICE-CALIFORNIA SAFE
DEPOSIT AND TRUST COMPANY, corner
California and Montgomery sts.. For the
SIX months ending December 81. 1903, divi-
dends have been declared deposits in the
savings department Of this company, as fol-
lows: On term deposits at the rate OF
6-10 per cent per annum, and on ordinary
deposits at the rate Of per cent per an
Un. free Of taxes. and payable on and after
Saturday. January ?. 1904. Dividends
called for are added 10 the principal after
January 1. 1904 J. DALZELL BROWN,
Manager
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1903-02-22
Observation-Disclosures.

From the Wlnsted (Ct) Citizen,
The power to concentrate ones
thought upon single subject, exclud
ing as 1t were everything else rom tho
mind for the time being, is often OF
great service to people. but it has been
noted that the continuance of this
sometimes develops into absent-mind-
edness, which is not a pleasant habit
to acquire. and which sometimes
proves very embarrassing. This re-
minds us of true story told by the
well-known hunter and sportsman, T.
S. Skilton, of Colebrook, a few days
ago. He was in Hartford recently,
and while there was told by one of
the station officials of passenger who
apparently must have drifted into the
habit of Observation-Disclosures beyond
hope of redemption. When the trav-
eler alighted at Hartford from New
Haven train he was astonished to find
that he had but one shoe on. For q
moment he could not imagine what
had become of the other. 1t was clear
that it could not have been stolen
from his foot.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1903-02-22
MODERN FABLES BY GEORGE AIDE.
BY GEORGE ADE-copygbt 1eos by Robert Howard Russell
The Modern Fable Of the Lecture Tickets That
20 - Were Bought But Never Used. - &c

ject Lesson in the Jay Town
which claimed him as it's own.
He was a Cemetery Trustee and
Chairman OF the Committee to so
licit Funds for a new Y. NJ. G. A.
Building. Also he had been prom
nent in the Sunday-Closing Move
ment and the Nam Kazoo In the
Citizens Reform League.
Accordingly Sanford had all
the Drinkables removed from the
Side-Board and he warned the
Children not to Laugh while
Cousin LATE was saying Grace at
the Table. Then he went out
and bought some Tickets for
Lecture and got a written Permit
to go through the Car-Shops.
He went to the station to meet
the rural Lamb and protect him
against the Cabmen. He saw
Hot Sport with a new Suit of
Clothes and a Red Tie come
through the Gate but he did not
Spot anything that resembled a
Cemetery Trustee. While he was
still waiting the Hot Sport came
up and walloped him on the Back
and introduced himself.
What do you Think" asked
the President of the Yapville Cit
liens Reform League. 81 got
into a Poker Game with two of
them key Drummers on the
Train and trimmed them for 81
Samoleons. If the Train had been
a half hour late, I'd have got their
Sample-Cases. I've got Roll
here that would choke a Horse
and | have a Feeling that I am
about to Buy. We drank up ev-
erything in the Dining Car except
the Catsup before we got to
Springfield and l wouldn't take
81 for my Thirst. By the way,
| want to tell you that I've left
my Pajamas at Home and you
might as well move the Bed out
of my Room, because l won't
need it. If you have any Word
to send to your Folks before we
cut loose, step into the Box and
telephone while you're still able
to talk"
what do you wish to see first
of all, the Parks or the Power
House?" asked Sanford
IF it's all the same to you,"
said the Cemetery Trustee, 81
should like to begin my Vacation
by putting a tall Crimp in the
Guy that spins the little Ivory
Ball. Then you can send home
for your Low-Neck and we will
have little Dinner Party. l have
engaged the Louis XIV. Room up
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1903-02-22
THE SALARIES OF KINGS.

Six hours work day at the rate of
405 francs, or, in British currency, of
Gig As. per minute. These are the
terms. says the Glasgow Herald, on
which, according to the calculations of
an ingenious and statistically inclined
Frenehman, the most highly paid Off
cial in the civilized woodland it is
fairly safe to throw in the uncivilized
world as well-holds his position. As
all socialist reformers will have
guessed long before we inform them of
the fact, the Job is unfortunately not
one of those that are open to competi-
ticn among deserving candidates, such
as they themselves would be. 1t is
hereditary, and happens to be held at
present by Nicholas H., Gar of all The
Russiae, whose civil list, when duly
divided, on the assumption liberal
one. some may think-of a six hours
day. yields the very handsome amount
indieared. His imperial colleague Of
Austria. who figures next on the list,
is but very poor second, for he has
to do his days drag for no more than
81 a minute. Yet, trifling as that
may seem, 1t is exactly double what
the third of the European Emperors
gets as his screw" Three pound ten
for supervising the art, literature and
music of the German empire, to say
nothing of "mail-hsting" in the east
and west or of yachting and partridge
slaughtering in Britain, is assuredly
not exorbitant. And yet, every time
the second hand of his watch makes
a complete revolution the Kaiser can
congratulate himself on having earned
ten shillings more than his uncle of
Great Britain. But, from pounds we
come down to shillings and pence in
the case of Presidents of republics
Poor Monsieur Loubet must contrive
10 make both ends meet with francs
a minute. And even that is almost
wealth compared with the one and
eight pence which Mr.. Roosevelt
draws. 1t is more profitable to be 'roi
de 'acier," as our Gallo friends style
the distributor of libraries, and organs,
than President of the United States.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1903-02-22

at the Hotel. | have in my Suit
Case no less than II Letters of
Introduction to well-known Socie-
ty Ladies who are always Hun
CRY. This Afternoon | expect to
have all the Messenger Boys in
Town busy. When we sit down
this Evening, there will be So
worth of Violets and four Cock
tails at every Plate. I'll show
these Tessies that I'm no Piker.
After the Eats we are going over
and sit in all of the Boxes at the
Rough House Show that I've been
reading about. After that we are
going to a nice, quiet all-night
Restaurant, where they have the
Hungarian Orchestra, and any
one that passes away before 6 A.
M. will be called a GUTTER"
Are you Cousin Lafe or a
Ringer?" asked Sanford.
81 am the Cemetery Trustee,
all right, all right" was the reply.
"A Cemetery Trustee breaks over
only about once in Three Years
but when he does hit the Track
he makes Mile in 200 look like
a Funeral Procession. For many
Months | have been drinking Milk
and posing as an Example for the
Young. | live in one of those
Towns where every living Soul
knows how much | pay for my
Clothes and how many Jumps of
Sugar l put in my Coffee. If |
smoked a Cigarette, would be
hanged in Effigy. | might as well
go out and kill an Aged Woman
with Hatchet as mix up in any
Poker Games. So | do the
Straight and Narrow But now
I'm up here among the Electric
Lights with no one to keep Cases
on me. / am long on Sleep and |
have Money in every Pocket. I'm
up here to play a short Engage
ment as the Village Indian. II
you care to follow me, | think |
can put you in right and probably
show you a good many Places
that you never saw before, even
if you do live right in Town"
Sanford tried to be Game but in
two Days Cousin Late had him
Down and Out. He fell back and
took the Count. Cousin LATE took
him Home in Hack and roasted
him and told him he was a Rhine
stone Sport and Mackerel.
I'm all in," said the Wreck.
/ admit everything you say. The
Man who lives in Town and
thinks he is a Gay Dog isn't a
Marker alongside of the Respect
able Citizen from Down the Road.
l am supposed to be a dissolute
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1903-02-22
The New American Race.

From the Boston Post
The old fashion of early marriages
and large families has passed away,
not only from the highly educated
class, but from all classes of our pop
ulation of native American stock The
social causes which have brought this
about are too complex for discussion
here; neither is it reasonable to say
that the result in its broadcast and
understanding should be denounced
as injurious. The evolution Of the new
American race goes on in spite of our
notions and our preferences, moved
and directed by impulses which we
cannot control. We must rest in the
confidence that the resultant Of the
great assimilation will be a race that
shall grandly fulfill the destiny Of the
republic.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1903-02-22
Mr.. DoOIey on the American Family.
BY F. P nne-copyrght 1903 by Robert Howard Russell.

Nature, he says. is a wild dim
mycrat,' he says.
Il guess. he's right. I'm goin'
to ask Dock Eliot. Tiddy Rosen-
felt an all tn rest iv thin to
come up Ar-rchey R-road some
summers Afternoon an show
thin tn way tn r-race Is dyin'
out TIL front stoops is full iv
childher; they block tn throlley
cars; they're shyin' bricks at tn
polls, pullin' up coal-hole covers,
playin' ring-around-th'- rosy. shoot
in dice. maxim paper dolls, goin'
to Sundah school. hurryin' with
tn sprinklin' pot to tn place at
tn corner an indulgin' in other
sports iv childhood Pah-pah
is settin' on tn steps, ma is lanin'
out iy tn window gassin' with tn
neighbors, an a squad iv polls
ARE up at tn church keepin' tn
christenin' parties firm mobbin'
Father Kelly, while he inthra-
jooces wan thousan' little Mich
aels, Pathricks. Jawns. Robert
limits, Hates, Bridgets, an Mary
AIMS or James or Ellens TO Chris
tyan s'ciety No, sir, tn race, far
firm dyin' out in Ar-rchey R-road.
is runnin' aisy an comm
sthrong."
"Ye ought to be ashamed to
talk about such subjicks. ye, an
oil batch" said Mr.. Hennessy.
Its a seeryous question
How many ohildher have yer"
asked Mr.. Dooley.
Lave me see" said Mr.. Mr..
Hennessy. Wan. two, four, five,
eight, siven. eight, tin-no. that's
not right. Lave me see. All yes.
| f'rgot Terence We have four
teen"
IF TIL race iv Hinnlssys dies
out" said Mr.. Dooley twill be
firm overcrowdin'.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1903-02-22
Fast Day Threatened In Maine.

From the Portland Press.
Probably the public is not greatly
excited over the question of abolishing
Fast day by legislative act They
practically abolished it some time ago,
and instead of being now as it was
intended to be, day of fasting and
prayer, it is devoted largely to amuse-
ments of various kinds, mostly of out
door variety. There is some preach
ing, but not many listen to it. Fast
day is a spring holiday, and so treated
by the great majority of people. In
the interest of truth and sincerity it
would be better to call it by some
other name, and in the interest of out
door sports, To which tits. largely de-
voted 1T would be better to postpone
it a little later, when the weather is
warmer.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1903-02-22
<S tn race dyin' out?"
Hill asked Mr.. Dooley.
rs it what?" replied
S NJ Ira,,,, oe,..,

rs it what?' replied
- Mr.. Hennessy.
as it dyin out?" said Mr.
Dooley. 9TH ministers an me
frind Dock Eliot iv Harvard say
it is. Dock Eliot wud know diff
rent if he was a rale dock an
wint fyin' up Halsted sthreet in
a buggy, f1oggin' a white horse to
be there on time. But he amt
an he's sure it's dyin' out.
Childher ARE disappearin' firm
America. He took squirt at tn
list " Harvard graduates tn
other day an discovered that
they had ivrything to make home
happy but kids. Wanst tn wur-
ruld was full " little Harvards.
TIL country swarmed with thim
Ye cud tell a Harvard man at
wanst be a look at his feet. He
had tn unmistakeable cradle fut.
1t was no sthrange thing to see
an OIL Harvard man comm back
to his almy mather pushin'
baby carredge full iy twins an
ladin' family that looked like an
advertisement in tn newspapers
to show tn PERCENTAGE iv purity
" bakin' powders. Prisidint
Eliot was often disturbed In
discourse. pintin out tn dangers
iv tn country, be tn outcries iv
tn progeny iy fair Harvard. TIL
campus was full iv baby car
redges on committeeman day, an
SPECIAL accomydations had to be
took f'r nurses. In thin happy
days somewan was always teeth
in in a Harvard fam ly 1t looked
as if ivincholy TIL wurruld wud
be peopled with Harvard men an
tn Chinese wud have to pass an
Exclusion Act. But something
has happened to Harvard. She
is projoocin no little rah-rahs to
glad tn wurruld. TIL av'rage
family iy tn Harvard graduate
an tn jackass Is practically tn
same. TIL Harvard man iv TIL
prisint day is tn last iv his race.
No artless prattle is heerd in his
home. Not FIR him tn joys iv
trundlin' tn little push-cart in tn
park or tn blind reach FIR tn
soothin' syrup in tn darkened
room. Whin Harvard needs a
fresh batch Nv scholars an quar-
Their backs she has to call FIR a
new deal. An me frind Prisidint
Eliot is sore about it an he has
communicated tn sad fact to TIL
clargy. Nawthin tn clargy likes
so much as a sad fact. Lave wan
iv me frinds iv TIL clargy know
that we're goin to tn divvile in
new way an he's happy We
used to take tn journey be COW
etin' our neighbours OK or his ass
or be disobeyin' our parents, but
now we have no parents to dis.
obey or they have no childher
to disobey thin. TIL American
people is becomin' as unfruitful
as an ash heap. We're no betther
thin tn Fr-rinch. They say tn
pleasin' squawk iv an infant
hasn't been heerd in France since
tn Franco-Proochun war. TIL
governmint offers prizes FIR fam
lies but no wan claims thin. A
Frinch gintleman who whit to
Germany wanst has made good
deal iv money lecturin' on Wild
Babies | Have Met, but ivrywan
says he's a faker Ye can't con-
vince annywan in France that
there ARE amy babies. We're
goin' tn same way. Less thin
three millyon babies was BORN
in this country las year. Think
iv it, Hinnissy-less thin three
millyon-hardly enough to con-
sumo wan-tenth iv tn output iv
pins! It's a horrible thought. I
don't blame iyry wan, firm Tiddy
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1903-02-22
General Lees Daughter Honored.

Philadelphia Telegram to the New Or
leans Times Democrat
Miss Mary Custls Lee. daughter of Cen
eral Robert e. Lee. was the guest OF
honor at the annual meeting today of the
General Dabney II. Maury Chapter,
Daughters of the Confederacy.
After the meeting an informal reception
for Miss Lee was held at the home Of
the president of the society. Mrs. Ashby
Turner Blythe. 3l7 South Twenty-second
street. During her stay in this city, Miss
Lee is the guest of Mrs. Samuel Chew,
1l76 Walnut street. Following the election
of officers the historian, Miss Rented,
read paper on the life or General Lee.
Miss Leo was greatly affected by this
eulogy of her illustrious fa,ner and
thanked Miss Rented warmly after the
meeting.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1903-02-22
Men'SF Furnishings

We are offering all our S1.5O and
$500 Shirts, including all brands, in
pleated or plain, attached or detached
cuffs, choice, each. -. $1.o0
All our $1.25 and $1.00 Shirts, all
sizes, best brands and good colors,
choice...- -. -. 49, '..'''' '''e
Choice Of an immense line Neck
wear, now. one-third of value.... 19c
We are Birmingham agents for the
famous "PEYSER," 2100 Linen Col
larS.... -. ssssssssss I've
Mono better at 25c-
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1903-02-22

Toilet Articles.

Colgate's Violet Talcum Powder, Csc
size. at. 15c
Vasaline, A l grade. -. ....... &c
Colgate's fine Handkerchief Extracts
at -. .25c
Large size 10c Bar Toilet Soap, SC
cake. dozen. -. 80. sos
Colgates Toilet Water, none better,
at Csc, Soc and. -. ....I5c
A good Talcum Powder. .........5 be
Colgates Toilet Soaps, six kinds,
box e cakes) 49,. -. -. ......25c
Armour's Witch Hazel, cakes in 4
box for ....t........1o c
The Genuine land only Turkish
Bath Soap, Colgate's, at, Dozen. .49c
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1903-02-22
Leaders
In Notion Dept.

Children's SOC School Bags at. .25c
Household Ammonia at. -. 49,. .7c
Best Ink Tablets at. -. ....... Sc
Best Curling Irons at. -. 80. Sc
Ladies' Drop Chain Waist Bags Csc
Ladies' new Chain Waist Bags. SOC
Ladies Hose Supporters at. &c
Children's Hose Supporters at. .7c
Very fine Jet, dress Buttons, the
actual worth to SOC dozen, now
card.... -. -. ..... 1Oc
Fair View Sewing Silk, so yard
SPOOL in black only, at &c, dozen. Csc
lot off shades. J. & P. Coats and
Clark's o. N. T. Crochet Cotton. >. PC
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1903-02-22

nee there was a Man liv-
4" ing in a Big Town and
IL " he had a Cousin whom
he never had seen. Some
people are very lucky as to their
Relatives.
The Man who lived in the
Wicked Metropolis was named
Sanford and the Cousin who
lived out in the Woods was
known as LATE, although his real
Name was Lafayette.
Every Christmas Sanford would
send LATE some kind of stingy
Gift and then LATE would retail
late by shipping in fat Turkey
for Thanksgiving. There was
formal Exchange of Letters about
twice per Year.
Sanford was good deal Upset
one day to receive Word that Cous-
in Lafayette was coming to spend
a Week. Whatever Joy he felt
he did not show at all.
The visiting Cousin is liable to
be a Fierce Proposition under the
most favorable Conditions, but it
is more than Hard Luck to be
saddled with one who Is Total
Stranger. Sanford was hoping
that the Train would run off the
Track but he wrote Cousin Lafe
to be sure and come right to the
House.
Sanford saw a very pink Week
ahead of him. He was not very
Strong for the Cnaperon Game.
He could see himself neglecting
Business in order to lead Cousin
LATE around and show him the
Sky-Scrapers, the Animals In the
Park. the Eden Musee and the
big Engine in the Power-House.
He had observed that the Excur-
sionist is always keen to see a
lot. of Sights that are Sealed
Book to the Man who lives right.
in the City.
Sanford tries to get Line on
Cousin LATE so as to frame up
the right kind of a Programme.
He could tell by the Picture in
the Family Album that Lafe was
a Pure Character and somewhat
of Rube. He wore White Tie
and had his Hair gummed down
on his Forehead. He looked as
If he would like to be a Preacher
but could not quite make it. His
open Countenance had that sweet
and trusting Expression of the
Hubbard Squash who is willing to
give two Tens for Five.
So far as Sanford could learn,
Cousin Lafe was kind of moral
Sign-Board and snow-white OBJ