Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1903-11-19
STORIETTEs.

Colonel C. G. Halpine sometimes
made his stammer tributary to his
wit, as when, upon Mrs. Stoves
going abroad in 1853, on a supposed
mission to collect funds for the anti
slavery cause, he nicknamed her,
first among his friends, and after
ward in print; Harriet Beseecher
Be.Stowe."
II is related that, on one occasion,
Boss Tweed, of New York. was stand
ng with group in the mayors Office.
when a large diamond, as big as
strawberry, rolled upon the floor.
Some one of the group picked 1t up
and passed it around to find it's owner
Not mine." said one after another
Tweed fumbled with his garments for
4 minute, then reached for the stone.
1t must be mine," he said; II see
nave lost one Of my suspender but
tons!"
II once happened when Faust"
was being acted, that the corpulent
person who was playing the title
role stuck fast in the trap-door, be-
ing therefore unable to comply with
Mephistopheles's final injunction to
descend to the fiery regions. Me
phistopheles tried to fill in the pause
with interpolated stage business, but
still Faust stuck where he was. A
dead pause followed broken by the
kindly encouragement Of one gallery
god to a friend: Larry, my boy,
there's luck for us all. Sure the
place Is full."
The following story of Pope Plus Is
told In the Italian papers, A deputa-
ton OF the monks Of some order re-
Gently obtained an interview with
him. According to the etiquette of
the Vatican only cardinals are allowed
to sit In the Popes presence, and an
invitation from him to do so Is deemed
equivalent to the promise of cardin-
alate. Pope Plus the Tenth is a plain
man, utterly Indifferent to the ETH
quette of the Papal court. He. there
fore, begged the monks to take seats.
They hardly knew whether they
could venture to do SO, and while
they stood hesitating. he said to them:
"You do not, suppose, expect me to
draw your chairs forward for your"
Bishop Potter was stopped by a
street beggar one evening as he was
hurrying home. WHATS the trouble"
p he asked the man. Can you help a
poor blind man to nights lodgin'?"
began the usual whine; II haven't a
penny in my pocket, sir" The man
was hearty fellow, with patch over
one eye, the other one being closed,
The bishop turned his head for an
instant, and when he looked back he
saw, in one quick glance, the hither.
to closed eye of the beggar giving
wise wink to friend who stood be.
side him. The bishop dived into his
pocket and brought forth a bogus
coin that had been passed off on him
a little while before. Don't you
think II give you this my aims will
suit your afiliction?" he said
In his new volume of racy remin.
iscences, odds and Ends" DR.. Fran
els Pijou, dean of Bristol, says that
he has on many occasions been pest
cred by cranks who even thrust them
selves on him in church at the solemn
hour of service. For example, a man
once bothered him by urging, in
season and out of season, the merits
of a new sauce which he had invent
ed. But the dean proved an unwill-
ing hearer, and at last one Sunday
evening, as the congregation was sing
ing the hymn Immediately before the
sermon and the dean had reached the
pulpit steps and had begun to mount
them, this unabashed parishioner sud
denly appeared at the steps and
thrusting forward bottle Of his Gin
imitable sauce" exclaimed: take 1t;
you will find 1t excellent for the
voice."
The dramatist, r. c. Carton, once
asked Bret Harte whether his Cali
fornian types were in any way ex-
aggerated. NO" replied the novelist,
with his deliberate drawl, 81 cant say
they are. In fact, had to tone 'em
down. For instance, here Is a true
story which II | had put 1t into any
Of my books no one would have be-
lieved: An English tenderfoOt was
having a drink In a bar out West,
when noted desperate happened
along. The other men in the bar
mostly found they had pressing bust
ness elsewhere, but the tenderfoot
stayed on. Say said the desperate
to him, you'll take a drink dare
says, Mr.. Carton, you know that in
California to refuse to drink with
man is much worse than running off
with his wife, SO when the tenderfoot
said he didn't want anything to drink,
there was kind of awful silence. And
then the desperate YEARLY reached
for his gun, and said in tired sort
Of way: Cant | even hev' drink
without killing a mani"
Mike-"They say Tim Cassidy
died without tn aid av docthor."