The Democratic advocate. [volume] (Westminster, Md.) 1865-1972, 1903-01-03

dered OH the place and dehed to do his
worst. That was the beginning of
quarrel in which half the county was in
terested before peace came. When Uncle
dim had had couple of hours in which
to cool off he whished he hadn't done it,
and before dinner was ready the Widow
Hooper was sorry she had been SO quick
with her tongue. But, of course, neither
one had thought of turning back.
Hammer, said Uncle Jim to his old
maid sister, who was his housekeeper,
''that red headed widow and her Internal
one horned COW think they can walk all
over me because I've got the disposition
of an angel, but II show EN- Hammer.
I'll show EN- that James Watkins can't
be ground into the earth as easy as they
think for I'll bring law suit for dam
ages tomorrow, and L Il make that woman
think that cyclones and earthquakes and
tornadoes are after her =
"Noses,' the widow was saying to her
hired man at about the same hour, II IN
the humblest, peacefulest woman in Huck
CHERRY county, and you know it, but I
can t stand everything. I've been sassed
and threatened by that man Watkins, and
I II show him that he can wipe his boots
on my apron. If he'd have come here as
neighbor should I'd have put poke
on the COW, and I'd have apologized for
the hog, but now I'll never do it, Moses
never never never -
Whenever farmer is ready to sue his
neighbor he can always find lawyer will
ing to tell him that he has a good case
Uncle Jim had no trouble on that score,
and suit was promptly begun. He had
hardly got back home to tell Hannah about
it when that one horned cow decided to
pay him another visit. She was tired of
cornstalks, however, and she took cabbages
for change. The golden sun of sum
mer's morning came up to gid the remains
of what had been so plump cabbage heads
when the whipporwill sang the night be-
fore, and Uncle Jim jumped up and down
on his old straw hat and was so near the
exploding point that he couldn't get out a
word The COW hadn't taken herself off
as conscientious COW should after the act
of devastation, but fingered around to hear
opinions of her conduct She got them
whacked into her with pieces of broken
fence rails, but though he did his very
best, and no man can do more, Uncle Jim
couldn' knock that other horn off. She
carried home bumps and Jumps and whacks
and bruies, but she also carried her horn.
There was another law suit which the
widow proposed to defend as promptly and
vigorously as the first, and, while the law
was trying to deal out justice to COWS and
cornfelds, other Incidents occurred One
of Uncle Jims oxen trespassed on one of
the widow fields, and she sued the owner
Then six of her hogs rooted up six bushels
of potatoes, more or less, for Uncle Jim,
and he gave his lawyer third retainer.
The suit was still thing of the future
when two of his calves got into the widow
garden and ate up all her gooseberries, and
she rode to town and asked the aid of the
law. The law WASH sure whether calves
fed on gooseberries or onions, but she found
Il lawyer willing to make a test. At this
stage of the game there had been enough
law suits started to last reasonable person
a year or two but that old onehorned COW
had further business on hand. She went
for moonlight walk one night and fetched
up among Uncle jim squashes to med
itate. As she reflected on the dim past
she bit hunks out of the Hubbards, and
the next morning the farm was almost
squashless. She saved her horn again,
and her doings almost threw Uncle Jim
into an epileptic fit, and of course, his
lawyer advised him to sue for damages
The summons had scarcely been served
on the widow when the same cow decided
on making a farewell tour of that portion
of Huckleberry county known as the Wat
kins farm. She started early and she
stayed late, and jumped every fence and
visited every cornfeld, and success crowned
her efforts in every direction, even to
tearing the pump out of the family well and
chewed the bed quilts left on the grass after
washing. Uncle Jim started out with a
shtgun to drop that COW dead in her tracks,
but the gun wouldn't go off. Then he
changed it for a led-stake and did some
of the fastest running of his life, but the
COW kept ahead. Then he sat down and
cussed and cried in turns, but he couldn' t
do justice to his feelings Even when he
figured on bringing law suit for $500
damages and asking the court to send that
cow to an insane asylum he didn't feel
sure it was revenge enough. To his sis
ter's surprise, he threw down his club and
left the onehorned cow to jump the fence
where she pleased, and he had been sit
ting under the old Bartlett pear tree for
two long hours, when she went out to him
and asked
''Jim, have you broke blood vessel or
anything?'
''Noap," he briefly replied.
cain you going to start another law
suit p
ssDunno. -