West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1903-07-02
A TRAMpS AUTOBIOGRAPHY.
lie Tells or Romantic Women Who Are
Looking for Knight Errants.

"Now and then, country cons
table has given me the collar for a
tramp" said the road man, as
he pocketed his fee IN advance,
'fbut most people have sized me up
for what ana dilapidated gen.
tleman making a sort OF farwell tour
of the country.
els a practical age. and love
stories are out OF date, but don't
you for get that there's lots Of 70.
nance lying around loose. 1t has
got Inc into trouble over and over
again. Most men will take me for
what seem, TO be, but most women
scent romance in my coming.
"Four years ago this summer
was up in Connecticut making a
slow jaunt, and enjoying the scenery
as passed along. One day stop
ped at farm house where the farm.
er's old maid sister was his house
keeper. / don't think / looked like
knight Grant as drew near the
house and hit the dog in the head
with rock, but l had scarcely in
quired il ! could get drink of but
termilk when / saw romance in the
old maids eye. In FIVE minutes she
had worked up case against me.
81 was the Chevalier D'Aural in
disguise. l was looking for some
one who would marry me for love
alone. had left my retinue in Po-
dunk and my lance in a pumpkin
somewhere else. Buttermilk was
not good enough for me. She sat
me down to square meal and she
waited on me with her own hands.
''rhe brother came up from the
cornfeld by and by, and one glance
told me that he ran to pork and
beans instead of romance. After
the sister talked to him in private,
he invited me to tarry for day or
two and rest my lordly tiredness,
but / did not like his looks. His
demeanor toward my lord smack
ed of putup job. He invited me
out to the barn to inspect a colt he
had just bought, and we had hardly
entered the building when he turned
on me with:
"Now, then, you burned old
tramp, but Pm going to thump
Texas out of you
"What for2" / asked.
Because of my fool sister. You
are no more of lord or duke than
my old white faced OK.
with that he tackled me, !" said
the road man, "but had a
surprise party awaiting him. He
was lusty of limb and broad in the
back, but | put him to sleep in one
round. The old maid was on hand
to see the last of the row, and was
not only knight Grant, but hero
as we'll in her eyes. She offered
then and there to elope with me and
pay me reverence all her days, and
have no doubt that she shed cop
lous tears and was heartbroken when
| got into my coat and made for the
highway.
Poor old gal, / felt sorry for
her, but meeting a TN peddler
mile away, | posted him up on the
knight business, and he said he
would stop at the house and wo,k
up good thing.
The winter of that year brought
me another romance. l was view.
ing the frosty scenery between TWO
Rhode Island toms, when two
tfAmps ahead OF me turned into a
farm house. turned 10 also as I
came up, and walked into the
kitchen just as they had locked a
girl up in a closet, ami were about
to go through the house. They in.
vitsd me to take hand in il. II
took two hands in. They made il
interesting for me for three or four
minutes, but Weary Willie is no
boxer. He depends upon wild
swings instead of straight punches.
had 'em both down when the
'armer came up from the woods.
Ind We let his daughter out and |
ient the fellows off to jail.
HSeck- further appieo 90