Ottumwa semi-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1899-1903, 1903-09-08
STORIES REToLp.

A N e'w York newspaper man was
dining with David Bennett Hill at a
bachel or friends apartments recently.
and M r. Hill asked the newspaper man
what he thought of the political out.
look flor the next national campaign.
Nv That will the issues be?" he in.
quire,1. Tariff, Philippines
THE newspaper man interrupted by
a ST fake of the head.
Eo?" said Mr.. Hill in some sur.
pri' BE.
NO." replied the newspaper man.
Il think it will be race suicide with
Roosevelt on one ticket and you on
tn e, other. New York Sun
ssAl Foster, of Fishing Banks fame.
hiIs a fund of grim humor, and dis
played some OF it recently when pas
S e'nger on the Angler complained to
linn of the condition of the towels in
the Mushroom. Foster regarded him
emily thunderstruck at the complaint.
tsThen, with a twinkle in his eyes, he
said:
! Il know the towels have hard work
here; between cleaning fish and cut
ting clans, towels are worked pretty
hard But no matter. Here, Dooley,
\ Hen, Jack, anybody! Bring some
clean towels for the most particular
man on the boat! Why, two hundred
men have used that towel, and you're
the first one to growl about its con-
| dition!"
Washington friend of Mr. Reed named
her fayorite cat for him. One morning,
when the speaker was calling on her, he
stroked the cat. and asked its name. She
hastily invented name. not liking to tell
him that it was Mr.. Reed A minute
| later stern voice sounded on the stair
way. "Mr. Reed! Mr.. Reed! Are YOU in
the parlor? Come out of there, Won rascal.
| What are you doing in there?" Before any
explanation could be made, n white-capped
maid put her head in the door, evidently
unaware of visitors. and cried: Come out
of that parlor now, tell you- Mr.. Reed''
| Philadelphia Inquirer.
| New York Times.--Margery's parents i'm
| fact all her near relatives of the male per-
suasion. have been identified more or less
with politics. Her father, her grandfather
and two uncles have held state positions
ever since Margery can remember. OF
course, much of the conversation to which
Margery listens is of an official nature
| Little pitchers having big ears, the little
lady has naturally picked up number of
phrases having to do with politics or the
government. For instance. one of her I'M
cles is the warden of a prison and in con-
sequence she has heard lot about what
.the state furnishes" and which therefore
| becomes the property of the state.
| The young girls grandfather has a beau
| tifu home in a nearby town, and last
spring Alargery was taken there for visit.
| She inspected the house and grounds with
| all the curiosity and enthusiasm of n
child.
well. Margery," said her grandfather
when she came in, chow do you like the
place.
ITS grand said Margery in awe-strick-
en- tones. Then, confidentially: Say,
grandpa, does the state furnish all this?
Or have YOU to give it up when your terms
out 2"
An autocar chased by an old mare was
one of the events of the week up north,
and the persons involved in the episode
have not got over their fright vet "Old
Nance" is against new-fangled things She
is Just a common farm mare, who doesn't
put on any frills or wear a hat in the sum
mer sunshine. Nance belongs to William
Brooks. farmer up near Waucanda. Fri
day she was standing in field with hay
rake hitched to her and her eyes half clos
ed. 1t was near the public road and a
merry Chicago party in an automobile
came whizzlng along.
Now watch the old plug wake up.''
S aid the chauffeur and owner of the vehi-
gle. But Nance didn't wake up. She kept
Il err eyes closed and dreamed on about the
d Inner bell and the oats. Then the man
AIT the helm footed his embryonic fog
horn, Just to scare her a Bit
Instead of getting scared Nance became
Ia bling mad. She made a dash for the
I'd nee, with her scrawny ears just as far
ba elk as she could get them Clean over
fiji q fnupp she lpn drag ip $ho h.r
rake behind her. Then she started down
tlge pike after that autocar at 2:20 gait,
Th ere was more dust than that part Of
III nois ever saw before, and Nance was
gsi ming on the auto but after long and
f:d 1t run one of the reins caught in
WI eel of the rake and brought the old
m re to a standstill. and the automobile
p;drty escaped.-chcago Record Herald.
Aln Indianapolis spinster who for years
halls lived alone In her beautiful home is
mol ed as perfect housewife, and no little
st k"ky, moist fingers have ever marred her
m arrors or windows. and no speck of dust
is ever visible anywhere. At her brothers.
htbtise there are seven lively youngsters,
a I'D of course things are quite otherwise
tliTn primy orderly. One day one of the
SIN! Ill nieces returned home from a tea
pn ty at aunties house, and in an awed
yti &c said:
.
hoplse. but tthoughtfullY 1t was washing
itsf facet
4 Denver man sent this story to the At
CHI son Globe: A ragman with large
san k on his back was coming down the
stls get yelling, rags! Rags! Any old rags
to SELF" A Jewish woman living on the
ee1 zenith floor Of one of the large fats
stuck her head out of the window and
hau led the ragman, reckoning him to come
up. After almost superhuman effort the
ra;y man climbed ten flights of steps and
ressched the woman in question, who was
at sthe door to meet him. She said: Say,
MeEnster, won't you put key in your bag
vem he aind good?''
Edward Mcdowell, the American COM
posy,r. was talking not long ago with
fri, lad who had just come from concert
Civ . n by the students Of a conservatory Of
mus ic-affairs which are usually avoided
by fthe unsteady judicious. 81 have just
hea d. remarked the friend. lone of the
PUPILS little girl of s, play your To
Will Rose. ;" The composer sighed ae,
jecta dly Il suppose he said, 'she pulled
1t uu' by the roots?'
R,Aaently boating party ON the Boston