The Birmingham age-herald., 1903-02-15
DooIey on Carnegie-HOmer Controversy.
By F. D. ou nne-copyrah 1sos by Robert Russell

know that tn matther Is worth talkin' about excipt to tell ye how | felt about 1t, but if this is tn way modhren lithrachoor is tindln, I'm goin' to put blast chlmply into all me libries. Of all tn bum books! Here's a fellow settin' down to write an gettin' tn good money iv tn public that hasn't amy style, amy polish an don't know tn first ilimints iv tn Greek language. An his characltters! I tell ye, boys, I know few things about kings. l don't go be hear say about thim. know thim. I've had thim right in me own house. They've slept undher me roof an even firm tn barn where coort etiket prescribes 1 mus lay me bed whin rielty is in tn house, I've heerd tn kingly snore iv that charmin' monarch Edward iy Illus threes memory who raymimbers me name. I can tell ye all about kings an I will if some-wan Will lock tn dnre. An 1 say to ye that this man Homer don't know king firm a. doose. He's got wan charackter in tn book, a king be tn name iv Achills. What kind iy a king does he make iv him? IS ne a small, r-round, hauty king with a pinted beard who says: Andy, fr foolish little man, ye have very good house." Not at all; this Achills Is no more an no less thin A dhrunken vagabone. He's roys- terin' an cuttin' up firm mornin
 to night; he's chopin people open; he's insultin' his frinds an
 bethrayin' his counthry an hnlly he dies be bein' hit on tn heel
 Did ye iver hear tn like? l know kings, l tell ye, an that's not tn kind iv men they ar-re at all. They don't carry soords but canes. l wear a chip firm tn cane iv one iy thim who shall be nameless to all but ye, me frinds, but it was King Edward, I wear a silver firm his walkin' stick over me heart at this minyit. They don't get dhrunk, at all. As a rule they ar-re very timp-rate in their hab- it's, though not teetotal, mind ye. A little booze at lunch an little more at dinner an a short, hot wan befure goin' to bed. If king gets a little pickled be amy chanst, I don't mind tellin' ye, he don't go an fight like a cab man. He slaps me on tn back, offers to race me aground Skibo Castle fir a dollar, weeps a little because he ain't well threated at home, an goes to sleep on a lounge. Far firm dhressin' in a little short ballet dancers skirts with bare legs tn way this fellow Homer makes thim out, kings is very modestly attired in black coat an pearl-colored pants, al- though I don't mind tellin' ye that l did wanst have tn good fortune to see a monarch that l won't name but p'raps you can guess, in pair iv pyjamaS-but aven thin, ivry inch a king as he ordhered me away firm his dure. Homer don't know tn customs iv good s'ciety. He writes like a cook. 1 was so furyous I hurled tn book into tn fire an I'm goin' to direct that amy future wurruk iv his be excluded firm me libries,' he says.
 An there's Homer in tn fire. Poor ol la-ad. His day Is done. He's been caught fakin' an no- body will thrust him again. If ye go into tn Dope Lovers Libry, an asls f'r th' nomes fv Homer thev'll say: I want ye to understand this Is rayspictable shop. Take a copy iy Treeumphant Dimocracy be A. Carnaygie. Hol' on there! Don't ye throw that inkstand!"
 Poor oP la-ad. Where1l he turn now? Mind ye, think me frind Andrew Carnaygie is r-right. Tn book iv Homer's pomes that Hogan brought in here wan day had pitchers iv tn kings an wud ye believe it, they was all thruckmen. Yes, sir, ivry king iv thim was dhrivin' a dhray an fightin' firm 1t jus like ye see thim on tn docks. 1 suppose tn poor oP man niyer see a king in his life. His .idee iv a king Is a big fellow on deliv'ry wagon. But I'm sor- ry Carnaygie wint at him that trough. He ought to considered that he was ol' an blind an hasn't got more thin a millyon years longer to live. If he'd sint him a phottygraft or a short descrip- tion or something to wurruk on,