Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-08-18
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side" "Well. pa says you can't hang
around here."-New York Evening
Sun.
lawn mower? Bjackson-Yes. If you'll
cut my grass to pay for the use of it
/ Somerville Journal.
Harry-She evidently made an i'm
preston with him. George-How do
you know2 Harry-I saw him devel-
! oufng some snapshots of her.-Yonkers
Herald.
Jim-Sayl II you'll notice, you'll see
that most Of these big Wall street meR
started on a farm. Sam-Yes, and that
is where they learned to water stock
| Princeton Tiger.
Teacher Ito little 6-year-old)-Now,
Freddie, what is a volcano? Freddie
with great confdence)-Oh, know
that! It's a mountain that interrupts
all the timeLLife.
Margaret, think you cheaper your
self by going so much to the theater
with Mr.. Jones'" mo, mother; on the
contrary, I'm making myself very
| dear."-Harvard Lampoon.
ivan Major has made a fortune in
the automobile business" 81 didn't
know he manufactured that class Of
vehicles" He doesn't; he repairs
m."-Cincinnati Tribune.
Biggar-How do know you're
blind? Beggar-Do you suppose I'd
only ask fer a nickel If could see
what a kind. nberal-lookin'gent you
be.-New York Evening Sun.
Nell-Maude has suddenly discovered
that she needs exercise. so she goes
out for walk every day. Belle-Yes,
heard that she had a lot Of new
clothes.-Philadelphi Record.
Summer Boarder-I thought your ad-
vertisement said something about boat
ing? Farmer-Oh, yes. sWe have a
boat and oars-only sometimes the
creek dries uptown and Country.
Murphy-Will ye give me yer prom
ise that. yen love me foriver? Bridget
| Sure, an Ord loike to do that same,
Murphy. but Oi'm hardly Of the opin-
ion that Oi'll lasht as long as that
| Rams Horn.
He Wasn't Sure: "Stand up, Nc
Nutty," said the police magistrates;
''are you guilty or not guilty?'' Faith,
| an it's mesilf as can't tell thot till Oh
hear tn ividince," replied McNutty.-
Chicago News.
| Not Too Soon: "This is rather an
unusual hour for you to be going to
lunch. Not hungry so early. are your
mo. but 1 will be by the time the
waiter condescends to notice me-
| Philadelphia Press.
| Shells it really true that the blind
can determine color by the sense OF
touch? He-Sure. once knew q
blind man who was able to tell red
hot stove by merely putting his finger
on it."-Chicago Daily News.
Mademoiselle-By the way, count, it
is very awkward, but 1 do not know
your name. Russian Count-Vould you
like to hear it. "Most certainly" Den,
If you haf ten minutes to spare, sit
town, and will tell 1t to you"
| Belle-Marrfed next week? Why,
| you told us you were booked for a
personally conducted tour with small,
select party. Marion-Yes, dear. But
George is the personal conductor and
I'm the small, select party.-Tit-Bits.
The Physicians Affront: $50 you
have decided to get another physi-
cian." II have" answered Mrs. Cum
rox; "the idea of his prescribing flax
seed tea and mustard plasters for peo-
pie as rich as we are!'-Washingt
Star.
"Sayr demanded the ugly individual
suddenly appearing from dark alley,
what time is it? You're just about
two minutes late" replied the Chicago
an; that other gentleman you see run.
ming away has my watch" h."-Philadel
phia Press.
Qualified: Superintendent (of gas
works)-What do you know about lay
ing gas pipes in the street? Applicant
(for place as foreman)-I know they
hadn't oughter be laid until the street
has just been repaved. He got the
place-Judge.
"Well, Jones is certainly a patient
man with a temper hard to ruff1e."
Patient is no name for him. Why,
that man has been known to go out
with his wife to select wallpaper and
go through the ordeal without losing
his temper."-Baltimore Herald.
Cause of the Mirth: Bridget said
Mrs. Hyfyte, your lady friend
mustn't stay SO late hereafter. Her
uproarious laughter woke me up at 1
o'clock this morning" "Yis, mum;
was tellin' her about how you tried to
make cake wan day."-Indianapo
! Sun.
Major Dix-Do you think it's going
to rain tomorrow, Uncle Isham? I'm
Gle Isham-I dunno, honey. It's mighty
hahd to prognosticate. When de Lawd
had charge Of de weathah l could tell
sumfin' erbout it, but sense dis yere
weathah bureau dun bin runnin' it Un-
Gle Isham's had ter glib it up.-Judge.
Barnes-Pm afraid I'm losing my
mind When l borrow money from
any Of my friends, I'm sure to forget