The semi-weekly messenger. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1897-1908, 1903-03-03

as it what?" replied Mr.. Hennessy.
rs it dyin' out?" said Mr.. Dooley.
"Th ministers an me frind DOCK Eliot
t Harvard say it is. Dock Eliot Wud
know diff rent il he was a rale dock an
whit flynn up Halsted sthreet in a bug
~, foggin' a white horse TO be there
on tinae. But he amt an he's sure it's
6yin' out. Childher ARE disappearin
firm America. He took a squint at tn
usx iv Harvard graduates tn other day
an discovered that they had ivry-
thing to make home happy but kids.
Banst tn Wurruld vas full of little
HarvardsS TIL country swarmed
with thin Ye cud tell a Harvard man
at wanst be a look at his feet. He
had tn unmistakeable cradle tut. 1t
was no sthrange thing to see an O.
Harvard man comm back to his almy
nather pushin' a baby carredge full
~ twins an ladin' a family that
booked like an advertisement in tn
newspapers to show tn percentage iv
purity iv bakin' powdhers. Prisidint
Eliot was often disturbed in a dis
eOorse. pIntin' out tn dangers iv tn
country, be tn outcries iv tn progo-
ny iv fair Harvard. The campus was
full iv baby carredges on commince-
mint day, an SPECIAL accOmydations
had to be took fr nurses. In thin
happy da ys sOmewan was always teeth
In in a Harvard family. 1t looked as
If ivinchOlly tn wurruld wud be peo-
pied with Harvard men an tn Chinese
wud have to pass IN Exclusion Act.
But something has happened TO Har-
ward. She is ~projOocin' no little rah
rahs to glad tn Wurruld. TIL av'rage
family iv tn Harvard graduate an tn
jackass Is practically tn same. Tn
Harvard man iv tn prisint day is tn
last iY his race. No artless prattle is
Aeerd Ia his home. Not FIR him tn
joys iV' trundlin' tn little push-cart
IN tn park or tn blind reach fr tn
sOOthin' syrup in tn darkened room.
Whin Harvard needs a fresh batch iv
hoi an quarther backs she has to
call fr a new deal. An ne frind Pris-
tdint Eliot is sore about it an he has
communicated tn sad fcct to tn clar-
gy. Nawthin' tn clargy likes so much
40 q sad fact. Lave wan Nv me frinGs
~ tn clargy NOW that were goin'
to tn diryIe In q raw wa an he's
happy. We used to take tn journey
be covetin' III mel ,hbor's OK or his
ass or be disobeyiI' our parents, but
now We have no parents to dlsobey or
they have no chidher to disobey thin.
TIA American people Is becomin' as
unfrultful as an ash heap. We're no
betther thin tn Fr-rinch. They say tn
pleasiR' sduaw!1 iv an infant hasn't
been heard in France since IN Franco
ProOshun war. TIL govermint offers
>-S0 o. Coo Ij1- h,,+ NJ oI~o
thin. A Frinch gentleman who win
to Germany Wanst has made d good
dea iv money lecturin' on Wild Babies
L have Met but ivrvwan says he's a
faker. " can't convince anvwa in
France that there ARE amy babies.
We're gOip' tn same way. Less thin
three miIlyOn babies was BORN in this
country las year. Think iv 1t, Hin
nissy-less than three millyor. hardly
enough to nsume wan-tenth iv tn
output " pinsi It's a horrible thought.
/ don't blame ivry wan firm Tiddy
Rosenfelt down. fr worryin. abou it.
Whats tn cause. says ye? L don't
know. I've been readin' tn newspa-
pers an ivrybOdy's been tellin' why.
Late m~arredGes, arly marredges, no
marredges. tn cost II Twin, tn luXu-
ries Nv tn day, tn tariff. tn thrusts,
IN spots on tn SUI, tn difficulty iv
obtainin' implyemint, tn Irowth iv'
culture. tn pitcher hat, an so on.
1vryboty's got a raisOn bat none iv
thin seems to meet tn bill. I've been
ionkin' at tn argymints pro an con,
an l come to tn conclusion that tn
race is dyin' out IN spots. It's dyin'
out among Harvard graduates but it's
holdin' Its own among tn
fv Saint Pathrick's COMMERCIAL Acade-
my IN DeSplaines sthreet. Tn. av'rage
size iy tn family in michigan avnOo
Is .000001, but tn ay'rage size ~ tn
family in Ar-rchey Road IS somewhat
larger. Afther 1 r-rcad what Dock
Eliot had to say. 1 asst my frind Dock
Grogan what he thought about it. He's
Il rale dock. He has a horse an bug
gy. He's out 50 much at night that
tn polls ARE always stOppin' him
thinkin' he is a burglar. TIL dock has
prepared some statistics fr me. an
here they arr e: Number iv twins
BORN in Ar-rchey Road firm Halsted
sthreet to WESTERN avnoo firm JanOo-
airy wan to J~anooary wan. sos pairs:
number iv thrips " thriplets in tn
same fiscal year, nine: number iv indi-
vidjool voters, elghty-three thousan',
49, Gil N"C" -"o~
size " family. fourteen; av'rage weight
fy parents. wan hundred an eighty
I've; av'rage size OF rooms. min be
eight, av'rage height iv CeiIin', nine
feet: ay'rage wages, wan dollar. SWIM
ty-rye; av'rage duration iv dOcthor's
bills. two hundherd years.
Il took tn statistics 10 Father KEEL
". He's an onprejudiced man, an if
III race was dyin' out he wud have
had q soundin' boord in his pulpit long
ago, so that whin he mintioned tn
wurrud He'll ivrywan in tn ongre
cation wud have thought he meant
him or her. L think, says Father
Kelly. that Dock Grogan Is n little
wrong III his figures. He's boastin".
In this parrish l allow twelve births TO
van marredge. It varies, iv' cOorse.
bein' sometimes as low as nine an
sometimes as high as fifteen. But
twelve Is about tn av'rage,' he says.
II you see Dock Eliot, he says, we