Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1903-06-26
THE PICNIC SEASON.
BY LUE VERNON.

lHis is the season OF the year when
people otherwise sane, swarm out into
the country to be bitten by insects,
acquire freckles and suffer other dis
comforts. My first impression was
that the picnic mania was the result
OF ataxa. In other words, man in
herited the custom from his remote
ancestors. Primitive man lived in the
woods continuously, and his descend
ents are unable to shake off the inner
tied instinct to camp out.
Nevertheless, | am pretty we'll sat-
isfied, since | overheard conversation
between two young ladies the other
day, that there Is still another explain
alton for the picnic mania which
breaks out every summer. The blonde
asked the brunette if she was going
to the picnic, TO which the latter re-
piled in the negative, which elected
this retort:
81 didn't know you were engaged.
OF course, you have got fellow roped
in already; you don't need to 60 to
plcnlcs anymore, anyhow"
Like St. Paul, on the road to Mime.
apolis, l saw n Great Northern light,
and the popularity of picnics was d.
vested OF much of its mystery.
The picnic is as iull of delusive de.
ceptions, dire disasters, and dread ca
lamities, as herring is of bones. PEG.
pie who 60 to picnics are so happy
when they get home they are glad
they went. A picnic may be relied on
to yield S. of solid misery for every
dollar invested.
As soon as the victims of the picnic
habit have found a splendid place, and
the table cloth is spread, down comes
the rain, and, for the rest Of the day,
the picnic, metaphorically speaking,
sits in the woodshed with its umbrella
between its knees. While there are
no flies, so to speak, on the thunder
storm as disturbing element, still
half dozen enterprising hornets can
create more CONSERVATION than the
liveliest thunderstorm.
1t is strange that in droughty coun-
tries, like Nebraska, Kansas and Ari-
IONA, the picnic has never been util-
lied as sure means Of breaking up
the dry spells.
Another discomfort is the amalga-
nation of the eatables and drinkables.
This is discovered as soon as the bask-
cts are opened. Much difficulty is ex-
perienced in separating the ham sand
wiches from the lemon pie. The mus
tard has to be carefully scraped off the
dome of the pound cake, while the
gentleman who has kindly volunteered
to carry the basket walls out loudly
over the discovery on his clothes that
the custard pie has been oozing out
ever since the procession started. The
jug, too, has become uncorked, and
the cold tea that was in it is oozing
out of the napkins. The warm, mel.
low lemonade is drunk with a live
grasshopper in it, while the condition
of the cheese suggests that chloroform
be used to prevent its escape.
One of the lucky men at the picnic
is the enthusiastic youth who shins up
a tree to adjust the swing. He puts
bis foot on dead limb, takes a drop,
aud dislocstes his hip. He is sent
home in . carriage, and thus escapes a
more lingering death from dyspepsia.
What pen is able to do justice to the
picnic pie, with its plaster OF paris
crust and its canned blackberries,
harder than Pharaoh's heart ever
dared to be? When . chunk OF it has
penetrated the system of the uusus.
pecting victim he is doomed man.
Then, too, there is the kiln.dried |
chicken. The softening influences of
summer days have no visible effect on
the limb of picnic rooster. Verify,
the man who is not an ostrich, and
has not the digestive facilities Of an
anaconda, should shun the picnic with
its leather pickles, heavyweight angel
cake, etc. However, if he survives, the
boarding house fate has no terror for
him. He can put up with anything
short of frozen rocks.
Some people maintain that the man
who engineers u picnic does not get
rest. This 10 a mistake. He works
hard three or four days, and on the
day of the picnic he works harder than
ever. After the picnic he is sick in
bed for a week, and that is the time
he gets rest.
There are, of course, different kinds
of picnics. Some are very select, and
others are otherwise. Those that are
otherwise are so tough that coroners
and undertakers attend them pro-
fessionally, with an eye to business.
Others are so aristocratic that fash.
ion demands young lady shall get
wet rather than hoist an umbrella
that does not match her dress.