West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1903-03-26

Hes down ON 'em red hot. tooth. nail,
curry comb and ihreshing- machine. lie
ain't got any more use for political ,ficks,efs
Of the present day than hen has for false
teeth. -
DR.. Tiicheneil took the floor at this
moment. but did not hold the fort hong
lie said Doodle is right or wrnng. De
Ponds upos the chap who gets The coin. l
tried to get bill through the Legislature
this winter maxim my WONDERFUL AND
MYSTERIOUS CukE state remedy. Didn't
have enough cash TO pave Ms way through
aud the skunk law took precedence. So /
am goia' to sell the secret a my cure 10 the
kingwood council TO cure these feilefs of
Ing head who have been maxim SO much
money on coal lately"
"Doe' II put brains in the Uranium,
Doctor p asked Colonel Blunt.
well, hardly" replied TitcbeneII.
well then save your time You're
remedy won't have any effect on county
capital Big Heads" Thereupon Doctor
Ti,chenell subsidized.
"what1 Yes Sis. let me say to you,
according 10 my lunating Investigations of
the skies 81 late, I see ominous sign of great
danger approaching our state and county"
IL was Peter r. who spoke.
You've been holding converse with
James a. Brown" spoke up bullet.proof
Shaw. the first part lie had taken In the
conversation.
SIR No sir ] observe nightly that
the milky-way. Chats the state admins.
trstion) is being disturbed by three or four
bright new stars. approaching from several
sides. threatening TO dim the glow OF the
milky way by their brilliancy. am not
entirely through with my Investigations.
but sirs. LOOKOUT. see a small. consteiIa-
ton representing Preston countys ad
ministra:ion) also likewise threatened. II
forbodes evil. sirs."
Wall" drawled Colonel Blunt i've
known Mr. Smith a long time aud his
prognosticating Is most generally kor.
rect When man can squirt one eye and
tell In ten seconds when the moon is
'lunating. he ought to be able to see the
eyes OF potato in the dark. or pick the
winner In grasshoppcr race Likewise
he ought TO tell political dark horse from
my old gray Arab. II the skies are clear"
How comes II. Colonel Blunt. that
Preston county gets no recognition by a
place on the state ticket ?" I asked my
friend
DANCED II that amt what puzzles me-"
replied the Colonel MY friend las. A.
has that figured out about korrcct. I think.
Wuz up in Albright's store about an hour
ago Brown was there discoursin' on that
very subject, You know James A. is a
learned man both in law and the study OF
social and political economy. He's forgot
more history than some men ever knew.
So his opinion is with hull lot. Give IL
to sc just as he spoke II.
Cad sirl we're living under monarchy
instead of Republican government. AS
was going to say CAD its a seif.consti-
tuted monarchy OF ring rule. No use to
vote. The crowd fixes up the slate and
we just go through the form of supporting
ticket few men have fixed up to suit
themselves. AS ! was going TO say, the
Republicans OF this state are fast digginc
their own graves. Cad Sir. its a fact
N~''''Ny
hasn't for years Look around us at
other counties in the district They have
universities. reform schools, preparatory
schools, u. S. Senators. Judges. etc. etc.
etc. What has Preston1 Nothing, by cad
nothing. tell the boys il they don't pnt a
Prestonian for a state Office next time the
Democrats will lick us. As Il was going TO
say, they had better put me on the ticket,
but II never ask them for IL. I've been
ostracizcd for 20 years. and yet will be
willing TO run on the ticket to save the
party
Loud applause followed this quotation
from James A. Lets run him for Circuit
Judge" said one. mo. the Supreme
bench" said another. 1 want to see
Brown be prosecuting attorney" exclaimed
Leroy Shaw. "Hurrah! for Brown" all
yeiel in unison. Colonel Blunt arose.
lighted his pipe for the seventeenth time
aud bidding the crowd in the store good
bye, started for the door. Boys" said he.
III going TO try for the County Court Job
That franchise suggestion looks good ter
nae. Come over to the East Side and
see us
ne COlOnel went down to the Jenkins
House and while waiting for the good dinner
In process OF prepais ion. wrote down the
following observations which be called
Facts Without Gloves" r. The King
wood ring hain't m diamond. q Their
Lime Kiln Club could regulate this here
nation 3. There's a new courthouse bee
buzzing in Kingwood bonnets but they's
afraid IL will sting. The weather IS
regulated by Providence and not by Peter
X. Smith. s. The ring regulates politics.
James A. is only sorry he hsin't the ring
6. Polccats hain't all in the mountains.
Some OF EN- wuz in the Legislature.
2. Give the Devil his dues. Bullet-proof
Shaw has big heart notwithstanding.
8. II every click startsa bank. what will
become OF the circulating medium The
farmers is sure of death. weeds. and taxes
and the trust barons is only sure Of govt
and bad conscience. TO- Them that sits
up front IN meetin houses knows how TO
write drugstore prescription fer pint.
Yours as ever,
THE RAMBLRR