The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-10-01
A MECHANICAL EXPERT

B1ilacker bolted into the self-con-
quoted restaurant and dredged from
his pockets handful of change.
wonderful scheme this" said he.
NO nunk1es to grin if a gentleman
puts his knife in his mouth. Machin-
cry taxes the place Of Suave impu-
dence. Your roast joint served piping
hot by machinery, noiselessly, automat-
icaiiy. Every patron minds his own
business, derives nutriment and passes
out again unobserved into the busy
throng"
B1llacker Is one of those well-mean-
ing persons who know theory perfectly
and have only a scant acquaintance
with practice. He can talk about bill
hards all night and explain parabolas
ana curves while he is about twenty to
the bad on the string.
It's the same way about mechanics,
Tor Bfllacker has greater misinforma-
tlon ON more kinds of machinery than
anybody whom 1 ever met. That was
why tried to persuade him not to en-
ter the place where the dropping of
n1ckels into slots results in the assem-
bling of a table d'hote dinner Ri
lacker was obdurate.
"One-fifth of the world" cried he as
he brushed aside a screen door, ''frit-
tiers away its time in getting food for
the remaining four -fifths. l tell YOU
that this is all wrong. The slipping of
coin and the pull Of lever emancI-
pates millions from the drudgery of
bringing in full dishes and taking away
empty ones.
Il drop silver quarter into the slot.
for which I receive a check: I press
the button so, and when it is ready
this little dumbwaiter which you see
behind this pane of glass slowly rises
on an endless chain. l drop in the
check which hold in my hand, remove
the roast beef and mashed potatoes
through this three-inch aperture and
proceed to enjoy an excellent repast.
Have l read all those directions on
the side? Certainly not. Aaron Bill
iacker knows his mechanics from A to
Ized. All! what did / tell you? The
roast beef ascends. 1 have deposited
my check. Now, call that fine cut:
don't you?
HIN! Seems to be a little higher I'D
than thought 1t would be- How de-
hghtfully unobtrusive it Is to dine in
an automatic restaurant We are en-
tirely unobserved, as you see. shall
come here frequently. Why doesn't
that roast beef come down little low
err"
Billacker tapped on the glass with
his cane. The dish showed no signs
of descending, and he gazed about the
IldGc III IL troubled way,
I wonder" he asked, eff there is
such thing as a waiter here? Strange
that they don't have a few for people
who-well-don't quite understand the
mechanism"
I'VE can't all be Billackers." I sug-
gested.
Billacker had gone and presently he
returned with an understood omnibus.
Say, waiter" commanded Billacker,
Just have them lower away there a
little, won't you? You see, 1 can't get
that beef out of the slide. There's
plenty of room If I had the platform
little lower. There ought to be an
AK handy for use in breaking the glass
In case of an accident like this"
Around the back of Billacker's neck
l detected faint glow and ne began
to flick the dust from his coat sleeve.
Il don't do this kind of thing for my
health" said the omnibus. "Give me
ten and I'll try"
whats this?" asked BiIIacker, as he
slipped the dime into the outstretched
palm, edo you think didn't put in the
money!"
Don't talk so loud" said the omni-
bus. Here comes the machinist."
whats all this trouble about?" In
quired tall man in blue jumper,
who carried monkey wrench in his
hand. what is all this, anyway? Did
you put in the money. friend?"
do I look like a Jail bird?" asked
Billacker. Look at me. Look at my
friend. I tell you. I want that roast
beef that Is converting itself into
stearine behind that museum case.