The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1903-01-21
PHILOSOPHY OF CROWDS
ADVICE FROM AN EXPERT ON HOW
TO GET ALONG.


Crowds furnish nourlshing food for
philosophy II takes n philosopher to
appreciate them To the full. Take n sup
positltlous ease: Suppose that you are
tightly wedgcd In sharp-corncred
mass of struggling humanity,
n musician of the Wagnerlan
school playing the anvil chorus
on your right rlbs, an able-bod-
led pantomimist performing the Devils
Tattoo on your left ribs and siren
uous anatomist taking liberties with
the small Of your back. Unless you can
view life from broad aspect. you will
revile fate. II you are n philosopher.
however. you will congratulate your
self that you are there and proceed to
square the score against your fellow
men by taking II out of the man In
front. IL you are ingenious you will
even have little balance left to your
credit, provided you go about II In the
right way. In crowd, the man In front
Is fair game. Those In the very front
row alone are helpless and IL Ia only
right that they should pay the penalty
of their superior position. IL Is not Civ
en- to any class Of men to have things
all their own way.
II has often been remarked that
crowds are good natured. They are. A
crowd will break every cigar In n mans
pocket and laugh good.naturedly while
doing II. A crowd will step merrily
.,s
feet with the happiest good nature. A
crowd will tear "A mans clothes. carry
away his parcels. squeeze the last gasp
OF breath out of his body and then
black his eye, all with the utmost good
nature.
The man who suddenly stops In a
crowded procession has nice hot
place below picked out for him. lie will
get warm reception from his victims
who have gone before. 1t Is n curious
fact In the phenomena of crowds that
the man who suddenly stops In front
of you invariably carries an umbrella
They are without doubt the descend
ants of those knights OF old who travel
ed around the country with couched
lances. II Ia even more curious to note
that the sharp steel end OF the stop
pers umbrella Is always pointed at
some vulnerable part of your persons,
preferably the face. The stopper stops.
The umbrella Is driven home with n
deft handed jab, learned through long
experience. Then the situation becomes
even more curious, and the ensuing
language might be called quaint with
its black letter text and illuminated
capitals.
AS bad as the man who stops Is the
man who insists upon proceeding. This
man is always behind you when the
anatomist Ia absent. He is evidently a
man accustomed to overcoming insup-
erable obstacles. He Is an irresistible
force. Nothing can stop him. lie will
walk up your back as calmly as though
II were his own front steps. He will
breathe noislly down your collar. When
you turn around to demonstrate with
him, he will squirm In front of you
with q joyful ejaculation. Then all is
well. He learns experience from the
stopper while you playfully labor un-
der the impression that his back is your
front steps. You have him there and It
Is your own fault II you do not give
him a memorable lesson.
The man who steadily pushes is an
other fine character. He places his
shoulder against your back, pulls his
hat down over his eyes, grits his teeth,
gets good hold with his feet, and
pushes. Just pushes. Everlastingly
AMI inexorably pushes. Whenever you
get a woman in front Of you in crowd
you will get a pusher behind. The
woman will tearfully object.
Hey, there. behind mel" you will
say. Lady in front! Cheese it,"
All the response you will get will be
renewed pressure. There is only one
thing to do and that Is to swing your
heel back and let the pusher have 1t
hot and heavy on the shins. You must
do this good naturedly, but not the
less emphatically. The pusher will al
ways retaliate. not necessarily for pur-
poses of revenge, but merely as evil
dence of reciprocal good nature. He
will probably knock your hat over your
eyes or flip It far away with polite
Excuse me-" He will be sure to do one
of these things, so If you are wise you
will operate upon his shins thoroughly
while you are about II.
The man who smokes in a crowd has
hard time of it.
"Phew," the man on the right will
say.
Rotten, isn't it?" the man on the
left will remark.
II you are sensible you will wiggle
behind one Of them and push the hot
end of the cigar against his neck,
laughing good-naturedly meanwhile.
That win teach him not to be 80 free
with his criticisms In the future.
At the same time you must be care
full or else, when you have put the cigar
back into your mouth, the critic will
suddenly jerk his head back and ram
the cigar down your mouth for con.
siderable distance. Many smokers have
learned to chew in this way.
Won are Dof IN he enviad ~ vou have