davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1903-02-20

"And now" asked the teacher, at
the end OF long description Of the
brain. where Is the seat Of memory?
Can any Of you ten met" "Yessum."
replied Johnny Brighteyes; lin the
little finger, where you tie string
around It to make you recollect!"
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1903-02-20
The fellow who doesn't amount tc
much generally let's you know it.

Send 6Oc for package Of Suels-Thy-OiL II 1t
does not cure your ECZEWA will refund
you the money SUEL MEDICINE CO, Des
MOines. Iowa as1I- 81
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1903-02-20

Stops the Cough ana
Works or the Gold
Laxative Bromo Quinine Tablets. Price25
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1903-02-20

my entire satisfaction
is the proper remedy
for ailments due di-
rectly to the effects of
the climate.
For ia years I
have withstood the
changeable climate of
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1903-02-20
Bathina Che Baby,

A guilty conscience seldom goes so
far as to return a borrowed umbrella.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1903-02-20
GO I: IL = =: ; : 3: &: 4:

HEN WE CAN OFFER YOU PRAIElE LANDS
back loan with clsy sub.soiD at from $40 to $50
y acre. Immense crops Of Timothy and Clover
ID all kinds OF grain. Write US for Information.
ORTAEnk NEAL ESTATE u MORT.
AGE COMPANY, Daniel Shaw, Mgr,
AA1ET HIVES FALLS, MINNESOTA.
Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1903-02-20

fare yen surc tine course - ei-Ary''
she whispered. sliding down to the
arms Of her lover. YES" he respond.
ca; II succeeded In boring . hole In
the waterpipe. Your father has dis
covered It. and will keep his finger
over the hole until the plumber ar
riYas C0nelW ...HE -. Lt
The broad ax., 1903-01-24

A German scientist, Prof. thinner,
Of Berlin, has Of late devoted con.
siderable time to the investigation of
the causes of insanity among women,
and has come to the conclusion that
Il women are admitted INTO eomPe-
tition with men the inevitable viii be
q tremendous increase OF insanity
among the women. He finds that the
percentage of women teachers who
become insane is almost double that
of the men teachers. Inquiries were
also made about women employed
as telegraph, sales clerks and IN the
telephone service, and, furthermore,
with regard to women engaged IN the
Swiss Matchmaking trade. These in
ouiries showed that in the occuPa-
tiops mentioned a far larger proper
ton of women than men succumb to
mental disorders.-Chicago Chron-
icle.
The broad ax., 1903-01-24
Nnfhin, DoInI.

NY word, FitznOodle," said a war
once clerk to a colleague who sat
at the next desk, lust look at that
workman on the roof of that build
ing over the wayl"
whats the matter with him?" in
quired Fitz, glancing through the
window at the individual indicated.
Matter" retorted the other, why,
I've been watching the lazy beggar
for the last 25 minutes and he hasn't
done q stroke of work all the time"
At the precise moment at which
the above conversation occurred a
British wor6ngman was addressing
his mate"
"S'y, Bill" he remarked in q tone
Of deep disgust, dye see that ere
loafn' war offs clurk in that room
down there? S'help me, If Hi amt
bin a-watchin' i'm fur nigh on arf a
hover, an the bloomer's done moth
IN but stare hout o. tn winder the
'ole blessed TYNE. That's the sort .
chap as we pys taxes ter keepl"-
London Express.
The broad ax., 1903-01-24
Troninr WIthont b..

Every house has its tinder-box, but
starting . fame with flint and steel
was . tedious process at the best,
and borrowing fire" was usual among
neighbors when one had the mis-
chance to lose his over night. am
unable 70 say how long this custom
continued, but I must have been
seven or eight years old when q vag-
Gbondish neighbor came to our house
one morning with his wife's foot
stove to get some Goals. BE was
Q reckless Har, of whom It was pro
verbally said that he would 'lie for
the fun of it when the truth would
have been more to his advantage. As
we had had our breakfast, my moth
er said to him: "Your folks must
have slept late this morning, Mr..
Davis" 'rBless you, mol" he replied;
I'VE were up at daylight and my
wife has done a large ironing" ]
remember with what good-natured
effrontery he joined in the laugh
against him when my mother said
abe would like their receipt for doing
an ironing without fire.. 7. TroW-
bridge, IN Atlantic.
The broad ax., 1903-01-24
A MIL EnIhemIe.

OF the typhoid epidemics traced to
milk, one of the most typical was that
at Springfield, Mass, where, in July
and August of 1892, $50 cases occurred
concentrated in one of the most beau
tiful suburban districts of that city.
The investigation, by Prof. W. T. Sedg-
wick, showed that the path of the
pestilence was cOincident with the
route of q certain milkman. It was
next found that a portion Of his
product came from a farm where sew
eral cases of typhoid fever had oc-
CURED during the preceding summer.
Shortly before the outbreak of the
epidemic the discharges from the pa
tients were spread upon a tobacco
field. Manure from this field, carried
on the boots of the farm hands, was
obvious about and in a well near by.
On the bottom of this well, and sub
merged-in leaky cans-stood the
milk to be cooled before it was sent
70 Springfield. The chain of evidence
was thus complete.-C. E. A. WinsloW,
in Atlantic.
The broad ax., 1903-01-24
VERY Peculiar.

The class in geography in one Of the
Brooklyn schools was undergoing ex-
animation when the teacher asked:
''What are some Of the natural pecul-
iarities Of Long Island?" The pupils
INDUCED in some hard thinking, but
none responded. Suddenly a fat boy
with a red face, who had been shifting
uneasily about in his seat, raised his
hand. Il know" said he. "Well, what
are they?" asked the teacher. why"
said the fat boy, with a triumphant
look, ION the south side you see the
sea, and on the north side you hear
he sound. IN. Y. Times.
The broad ax., 1903-01-24
rhn Coli and IT. Rider.

Once upon a time 4 man tried to ride
on the back of young colt, which OBJ
jected very much to his doing so, and
there was quite struggle between the
two, with plunging by the colt and
clinging by the man.
Finally the colt threw the man over
his head, depositing him on the ground
without injury; but the man, deter
mined not to be defeated, pursued the
colt and, capturing him, proceeded to
again mount, with some difficulty.
There was another struggle, which
ended as before. hut this time he re-
ceived severe injuries.
Moral:-Some persons don't know
when they are we'll off.-N. Y. Herald.
The broad ax., 1903-01-24

Patrick McCabe, lately q section
hand on the Frisco road at Wichita,
ig suing that corporation for dam
ages for injuries received while in its
employ. Bis plea il that while work
ing the foreman spoke TO him ''in q
loud, prOfsne and very boisterouS
manner, thereby causing the plaintiff
to be nervous and excited, and there
by causing him to place himself in q
position Of great bodily danger, and
20 9 greater degree than he other
wise would have done" The orders
were given in 9 very loud and bois-
ferrous manner backed up by many
OGths, such aS BE smart BE quick
and Move yourself etc" Kansas
section hands seem to be sensitive
plants.-DOtrOit Free Press.
The broad ax., 1903-01-24
-. 1.,..v,, ApeIent Pino.D

There is an interesting pine tree in
Bronx Park, close to the entrance Of
the Geological gardens, that is worthy
Of greater honor than is usually accord
I'D It. To few oId-timers who remem-
ber the locality before it ever became
a mart of New York this old tree goes
by the name Of De Lancey's pine. A
poem has been written about it, set
ting forth the virtues Of de Lancey's
ancient pine" The tree is by far the
taIlest for miles around, and although
its lower branches have been badly
treated, a towering mass of green
boughs surmOunts the majestic sur
viVor Of the days when the old De Ian
cey family owned a large portion of
the estate now in the Bronx park do
main. The old De Lancey house, that
was the scene Of many gay parties in
pre-revolutionary days, was burned
down about 80 years ago The tall
pine is supposed to be close to 15Oyears
old at the least, and its present eOndi-
ton is favorable for at least another
century Of Hfe.-N. Y. Times.
The broad ax., 1903-01-24
NaW..ninr WIIlsy..

Tho Wseping-willow tree came to
America through the medium OF
Alexander Pope, the poet, who plant
ed . willow twig on the banks OF
the Thames, at his Twickenham VII
IA. The tWig came to him in q box
Of hgs sent from Smyrna by friend
who had lost all in the South Sea
bubble, and had gone to that distant
land to recOup his fortunes. Har-
per's Encyclopedia tells the story
Of the Willows arrival in America
A young British officer, who came to
Boston with the army to crush the
rebellion of the American colonies,
brought with him twig from Pope's
now beautiful Willow tree, intending
70 plant It in America when he
should comfortably settle down on
lands conhscated from the conquered
Americans. The young officer, dis
appointed IN these expectations, gave
his willow twig, wrapped in oil-silk,
to John Parke Custis, Mrs Wash
ington's son, who planted it on his
Abingdon estate in Virginia. It
thrived, and became the progenitor
of all American willow trees.-In-
News.
The broad ax., 1903-01-24

A new solution Of the servant -,
problem is being discussed in 81 81
large cities Of the west. Indian 49,
from special training schools, are \.
ing employed as servant girls. I, !.
said that the Indian girls who b.-a
been properly trained are found y
be perfect embodiments Of satisf,o
tory domestic service. Five tboH
sand or more Indian girls have bso.
engaged from the various Indi..
schools of the southwest to act =
domestics in the homes Of weaItS-
people in Kansas City, Chicago. =
Louis and Denver. Most of tbs,.
girls are from the Chilacco and IA,
kel Indian schools. The Indian 0irI,
are physically strong. They are. :,
a rule, faithful, polite and unobtru.
sive.-Buffalo Enquirer.
The broad ax., 1903-01-24
The TeIephone Girl Secure.

women have to fight for an even
chance with men in other lines" said
one of the officials Of the New York
Telephone company the other day,
shut in our business they are in no
danger from male competition. 1t
would be simply impossible to run a
telephone exchange with male oPer-
ators. Who ever heard Of a hello
boy? There is trouble enough with
boys answering the phone in Offices,
and there is no danger Of their be-
ing used in place of girls in the tele-
phone exchanges. 1t is not chiefly
because girls are steadier, more at
tentive and more polite, but 1t is be-
cause a girls voice carries better
over the wire than a boys, being
higher, clearer and more penetrating
But there is a still more important
reason. A girl can tell what the fel-
low on the other end Of the wire is
trying to say, when a boy would be
shouting hopelessly: What did you
say? IN. Y. Times
The broad ax., 1903-01-24
TurlLIah Monk settIemen4.

On the east point of the sacred
Mount Athos, on the Turkish PENN
sula, Chalddike, is a settlement of
5000 monks, scattered among 22O mon
asteries, the whole forming a monastie
republic in the dOminions of the sui
tan, to whom they are tributary. The
yearly tribute they pay is by no means
a small one, but the sum is easily met
by the republic, which is very rich and
counts many millionaires among its
members.-N. Y. Sun.
The broad ax., 1903-01-24
Ordnance Survey Map.

The idea of the ordnance survey
map is to be improved upon by a
piece of geographic sculpture" The
whole surface of the states is to be
reproduced in n model to a scale of
two and a half inches to the linear
mile. Railway lines, swamps, forests,
everything will be shown in this
model, which will be in sections, to
admit Of easy alteration when re-
quired. Duplicates of these sec
tions win be sold at a cheap rate,
so that professional and business
men can have maps.-Scientihe Amer
ican.
The broad ax., 1903-01-24
Hated to Undn Hi. wnrE-

He was wandering in Ireland and
came upon a couple of men ''in holts"
rolling on the road. The man on top
was pOmmeling the other within an
inch of his life. The traveller inter-
vened.
Its an Internal shame to strike q
man when he's down." said he.
IF you knew all the trouble / had
to get him down, was the reply, you
wouldn't be talking like that Phil
adelphia Inquirer.
The broad ax., 1903-01-24
panrsrous AequIesesnos.

'TWhst was the cause of Vawdvill
going to the hospital?" asked Flu
6litieE.
"An Irish friend was telling him
that the Hibernians Of the country
were going to put a stop to actors
impersonating them on the stage.
Vawdvin agreed with him."
"But that didn't cause the fight,
did it2''
Eyes. The Irishman said that the
actors didn't do the Hibernians JUS
tice-snd Vawdvill said no comedian
could. When he came to he was in
the ambulance. Cincinnati CONNER
cisl Tribune.
The broad ax., 1903-01-24
CnnId and HI Hnmnr.

Once upon a time an old maid went
to Cupid and chided him.
you have forgotten me-" she said
And then, lowering her voice, she
continued: Remember that my for.
tieth birthday is next month. Twill
expect a present from you"
"You shall have it," answered Cv.
Pid.
When the birthday came a pack.
age from the little god came with il
and it was found TO contain one Of
Cupid's worn-out last generation
bows.
The woman threw it angrily to the
floor.
MoraI.-There are bows and beauE
N. Y. Herald.
The broad ax., 1903-01-24
New Kind OF Cheese,

Making Italian cheese is q new in
dustry which is attracting attention
IN New Jersey. Many cheese factories
have sprung up, and tomato Gamers
have turned to cheese making to util-
fze the oversupply Of tomatoes. The
latter are collected and mashed and
then mixed with salt and spices in a
large box like a mortar bed. They are
then stirred and mixed by hoes to a
proper consistency, but thereafter the
process is known only to a select few.
Science and Industry.
The broad ax., 1903-01-24

It was the first bitter cold day Of
the winter, and the kindergarten was
animatedly discussing the advent Of
Jack Frost" Finally the teacher
Aid, with an air Of mystery;
SI wonder II anyone can tell N
what Jack Frost really is2"
Silence for q moment; then Louis
black eyes began to twinkle, and he
gave . little wriggle Of joy.
''Surei" he said. "Sure, I know
what's jack Frost. Hes the icsmanI"
In. z. Tribune.
The broad ax., 1903-01-24
The Wears Instruction.

Religious examination papers Ar.
an ancient and unfailing source ~
Joy. The latest one to be put in svi.
dence comes from an English churrS
training college. Candidates for Al.
mission are required to give some ae.
count Of the religious instruction
they have received, and a recent An,
swer to the first two formal ousg.
tiOns ran as follows:
Question-What instruction han
you had in religious knowledgeP
Answer-None.
QuestiOn-By whom was it giyeni
'By the vicar"
The thing might have been sr.
pressed more logically, but not much
more clearly.-N. Y. Post.
The broad ax., 1903-01-24

The government, maintains one per
petual light" 1t shines in one Of the
dreariest places in the world, out in
the Mississippi swamps, and has not
failed to shine for many years. 1t is
located between Lake Borgne and the
Mississippi sound, and is seldom neared
by any mariner or wayfarer. Itstands
out in the marsh, and is visible from
some Of the railroads. without any
cheerful prospects, Overhung with
miasmatic mist, cOmpassed by filthy
arms of the sea, among matted weeds
and rank mud, the light goes on per-
petuaIy. The winds do not blow it
out and it never explOdes. Every
three months James Young, a govern
ment employe, goes out in a small
boat and fights his way to the light
house and loads up the lone sentinel
with oil. It's name is Perpetual
Lght,"-Philadelphia Ledger.
The broad ax., 1903-01-24
Entered at TIE Post Office st Chicago,
NJ, as SeeonS-eIaE5 Matter.
EaudaE4 Zee MGsA.

Many stories are told to mustratC
ths folly Of tongue that Wags too
fresly, and the point = one which
needs to be emphasized to the atten-
ton Of humanity. Not long ago q
neat and Well-dreSsed girl was AZ
rested IN New York on q charge of
GhoPlifting, Gnd her appearance was
90 greatly IN her favor that the PO-
Hco were about to release her, be-
HeEing that q mistake had been made.
Then abe opened her mouth and
spoke, saying: II S'pOse my mug
VIII have to 60 into de picture book
for dis" WhersupOn her CsptOrs
held her tightly IN the iron grasp Of
the law, and shortly thereafter Sc
cured her commitment to jail, and
put her mug" In the picture
book" e. that Of 9 thief. And all
bocGuse Ehs talked too much.
The broad ax., 1903-01-24
Inifation Butter,

The first artificial butter was mar
garine," made in Poissy, France, in
1859. It was made from the fat Of the
loins and kidneys Of cattle, which,
when melted, is sometimes called "oleo
oil" This oil, tallOw, lard, olive and
cottonseed oil are used, combined with
dairy butter, in making the various
butterines. COcoanut butter Is largely
used in northern Europe.-Indiansp-
Oils News.
The broad ax., 1903-01-24
AGIerobes In Money.

Medical men say that books and
paper money carry the microbes of
disease, and yet the employees of pub
lie libraries, who handle hundreds of
books daily, and bank officials, who
handle thousands of notes, do not
catch" the diseases. The reason
is that library people do not wet
their fingers with their lips to turn
over the leaves of books, and bank
officials do not wet their fingers in
the same way to count money.-Med-
ical Journal.
The broad ax., 1903-01-24
DImcnItIer inLnnrunre

A Frenchman came to England to
learn English and the following sen
tence was given him:
'The rough cough and hiccough
plough me through" The teacher
told him the first word was pronounced
ruff. He thereupon said this: The
ruff cuff and hiccuff pluff me thruff."
''No, no; the second word is pro-
nounced 'koff.'
Then" said the Frenchman, cit
must be the rolf coff and hiccof plof
me throff"
The third, fourth and fifth words
were explained with the same result.
which the reader may repeat to him
seH.-LondOn Express.
The broad ax., 1903-01-24
Knew 1t AL

Binks-You're putting your boy
early to work.
Jinks-Yes; he's a clever lad, for
he's learned everything the teacher
knows.
He has?"
'He has that. The teacher said:
I can't hammer anything more into
that head of his."-Stray Stories.
The broad ax., 1903-01-24
HereIy Hint.

Thunder and guns!" exclaimed the
old gentleman, as he was given the
bill for his only daughters last gown,
'but you cost a pile of money"
"Wen, papa" she replied, demureIy,
'if you wouldn't sit in the back par
lor with the door open when I am
entertaining Mr.. Binkley in the front
parlor, you'd stand a better chance
Of getting rid of the expense. Chi
cago Evening Post.
The broad ax., 1903-01-24

THAT reminds me-" said Congress
man Littlefeld, of Maine, ''of a story
they tell on an old whaler Of New
Bedford. He was gone for a two
years cruise after whales in the
South Atlantic. Finally one day the
ship was seen coming up the bay, and
the owner rushed down to the pier
to be the first to greet the captain
and ascertain the result Of his ven
ture.
How many whales did you getP
shouted the owner.
marry a whale was the reply.
but we had an awful fine sail -
Philadelphia Press.
The broad ax., 1903-01-24
KlnE EdvEardas Private EaI.

No public document bearing King
Edwards signature is ever carried
by postmen, though the kings pri-
'vEte letters are usually entrusted to
tie ordinary post. Wherever the
+h1ng may be two kings messengers
or more leave London every day
bearing ohacisl papers that his ma
jesty must deal with Immediately.
Thus the king is kept busy, and some
times overworked, even on his hoil-
day trips.-N. 7. Sun.
The broad ax., 1903-01-24
The IN. Of Vice Yern..

HapPy-Go-Lucky-The fellow hit it
right when he said a pessimist is one
who is always looking for worms in
chestnuts.
DOwn-in-the-MOuth-And 1 suppose
an Optimist is one who likes to eat
the worms without going to the trou-
bic of looking for them.-Rum Punch
Bowl
The broad ax., 1903-01-24
A Linguistic Quandary.

The Boston girl took of her glassel
and wiped them tenderly, rehectively
on a piece of chamois skin
Then she tapped her foot decOrOuS
ly on the hardwood floor.
Anon she moved uneasily, slmOst
petulantly, in her chair.
Hist! She was thinking.
At length she murmured moOdil!
to herself:
Il cannot determine whether the
plural of hoodlum should be hoOdluml
or hoodla. ."-BaltimOr American.
The broad ax., 1903-01-24
nr.rhs.rd In aun atnr..

Desperate-Looking Party-I want
to buy a revolver.
Dealer-Yes, sir; here's the three
latest styles; this plain, substantial
arm is much used for self-defense;
this silver-mounted one with pearl
handle is used for shooting sweet
hearts, and this cheap, common af-
fair is usually used to shoot wives.
It's very popular just now.-Balti-
more American.
The broad ax., 1903-01-24
one or the Other.

II wouldn't hurt Henrietta's feel
ings for the world" said Mr.. MeektOn
but 1 must say that wives are littl!
difficult to please"
Have you Just found that out7"
81 am not announcing it as Dis
covery; only as a suspicion. But, from
observation, it seems to me that they
either say: oh, he's ike all the rest,
or else they wonder Why he can't Be
like other men '"-Washington Star
The broad ax., 1903-01-24

BuaineHS Regulations In Germany.
Business methods are largely reg,
ulated by law in Germany, and ther.
is not the individual liberty in such
matters as there is in this country,
For example, if manufacturer mak1
false statements Of any kind about
his products, any business man may
bring suit against him, the penalty
being fine or imprisonment. Nor can
a dealer advertise a removal sale,
and then restOck his store and con.
tinue business at the "old stand
Such phrases as ''the best in The
world and superior to all otherS'
are not allowed in advertisements, y
they are considered detractions q
Observation-Disclosures Leader.
The broad ax., 1903-01-24

Mrs. Casey-Ol but losht a foine
little chiny vase that Mike brung me
whin he come home late from the
dimmecratic rally. Twas jist his
own carelissniss, too.
Mrs. Cassidy-Did he drop it an
break it?
He carried it home in his hat.
Shure, he might a knowed that'd be
the furst place I'd soak him."-Phil-
adelphis Press.
The broad ax., 1903-01-24

At the Paris pawn house about 35o'
600 watches and $4,000 wedding ringI
are deposited every year. The Oldest
object there in 1900 was a suit Of
clothes on which five francs had been
advanced in 1869. It belonged to .
soldier who fell in the war of 1870
and whose widow paid her annual
due on it for over 30 years in the
hope of being able some day to re-
deem it.-N. Y. Sun.
The broad ax., 1903-01-24

This country is not the only one
where unconsidered trifes are snapped
up by the manufacturers and put to
practical use. In China the down Of
the thistle is gathered and mixed with
raw silk so ingeniouEly that even ex-
perts are deceived when the fabric is
woven. It is also used to STUFF cush-
ions as a substitute for eiderdown, and
q very good substitute It makes.
The broad ax., 1903-01-24
COInuPomiHo

want the trousers crsased3" asked
the tailor.
'tThHt's the style, int it2"
well, not so much, perhaps, - It
used to be. Some Of my customers
won't have it done now at all"
20, wen, Tn not particular" re-
piled the customer. Suppose you
efsase one OF the legs and leave the
ether 'bGggy.-Chicago Tribune.
The broad ax., 1903-01-24

One hears a great deal about the
glaciers Of Alaska, and it is satisfac-
tory to know that Uncle Sam possesses
q few more important ice rivers Of his
OWL But few people are aware that
there are in Montana some Of the finest
glaciers in the world, even rivaling
those Of the Alps.-N. 7. Sun
The broad ax., 1903-01-24

JsrrOld-I took Dolly out IN my
gutO yesterday.
HarOld-of course you proposed to
hsrP
sNoi Every time started to I
brolrs 6oWn."-Puck.
The broad ax., 1903-01-24

Bridget" said the doctor, as he re-
turned to the house in haste, ''can you
tell me anything Of my wife's where
aboutsP"
"Shure, an 0 don't know, sor'r, but
oi think they're in the wash" replied
Bridget with deep sineerity.-N. Y.
Press.