The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1903-03-15
~ SEE" said Mr.. Hen
y O0 messy, that Con.
gress has knocked off
u Murrnk."


gress has knocked off
- wurruk."
ut has," said Mr. Dooley. "or, to
speak more accurately, tn House
iv REPRESENTATIVES has gone back
to wurruk. TIL Sinit Is still there
with its feet up on tn desk an
its vinrable nose burrid in its
chest. It's been a great session
" Congress. 1t will live long in
tn mim'ry Nv tn American peo-
pie if they don't f'rget. Ivry time
| think iv it, it makes me proud
I'm an almost native iv this eoun-
thry where tn meanest citizen can
go to Washington an get his
rights, but nobody else can.
What has it done, says ye?
Well, to begin with. it has
smashed tn thrusts-well, almost
smashed thim-well, give thin a
good hearty pat, anyhow. In tn
beginnin' it looked as though on'y
halfway measures wud be adopt
ed. They was unimportant bills
to take tn money away firm tn
thrusts, to burn thin in lie, to
murdher thin, to lock thin up FIR
life. But tn leaders iV Congress de-
manded more dhrastic measures.
Me frind Sinitor Aldrich, who rip
risints a constituency that's al
most as big as my back yard, was
determined that no pains shud be
spared to bring tn thrusts to their
knees in fear or gratichood.
'Gintlemen,' says he with a
chokin voice, til bills now up do
not meet tn case. They are well
enough in their way, but what is
tn use iv attackin' tn thrusts at
their sthrong point which is their
money? They have great knots
iv this, as have obsarved, havin'
lived in tn house with thin, an
tn best annywan can do is to pick
off little at time, he says. My
idee is to attack thin at their
weakest point. An what Is their
weak point, gintlemen? 1t surely
is their binivolence. | propose to
assail thin there. | do it with
pain, FIR as We know. howiver bru-
tai me feelin' to'rd thrusts may be
as a pathrite, as a citizen | have
rale affection FIR wan iv thin.
TIL bill | am goin' to offer in
TIL name Nv me frind Sinitor Elk
ms, who is poundin' his ear in tn
cloak-room at this minyit, wrings
me heart. 1t is an assault on all
| hold dear in this life-an' don't
expict to sell till it's a good deal
dearer, he says. But, he says,
no wan liver knew Erasmus
Hatch Aldrich to fail to respond
to tn call iv jooty howiver ad
yalorem,' he says. My country
calls me an lay aside ivry con-
sidheration an rush to tn bank,
he says. TIL still small voice iy
jooty as it ticks off TIL figures on
tn tape is iyer in me ear he says.
I am here to ben tn thrusts,' he
says, an here ] am. move we, sir,
that we substichoot FIR tn bill en-
titled a "Bill to Murdher Thrusts"
this here small but fragrant law
entitled "A Bill to Give Thin a
Hearty Hug" Undher TIL terms "
this bill, 1t will be illagal FIR
thrusts to charge annywan, to di-
vide its profits with TIL poor, to
burn down its buildins onless in
sured, to advance wages, to build
churches an orphan asylums, or
to create a fund FIR tn mission
aries in Chiny. II caught in amy
iv these neefaryous Enterprises
amy officer Nv a thrust will be
lible to fine Nv four millyon dol
lars or imprlsonmint in loonytic
asylum or both. AS | said, offer
this bill with a sad an achin'
heart he says. But | have done
me jooty an with that, | mus be
contint. F'rgive tn tears iv
Spartan Fatherin-law an, boy,
call up New York an get twinty-
two, twinty Broad, he says.
What else has Congress done,
says We? Well, tn House Nv Rip
risintatives has passed a bill irri-
tatin' TIL arid plains iv tn West,
an a bill to relieve tn Filipinos
iv tn necessity iv askin' FIR relief.