The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-02-28
He WORKED WONDERS
WITH HIS ELECTRIC EYE.
The New Member of the Club Tells a
Strange Tale.


When the teetotum went spinning
down the long mahogany table and
stopped in front of him with a flop
the New Member blushed furiously and
then turned pale. He promptly picked
up the top, however, and plunged into
his tale with scarcely q stammer. He
told all about an amusing accident by
which he had lost his right eye and
then paused to relight his pipe and
drain his foaming mug.
But gentlemen he continued, ''the
loss of that eye did not inconvenience
me half as much as the various sub
stltutes for 1t that l tried. The first
one had was live rabbits eye, trans
ferred to my head by a remarkably
Skillful operation. 1t was a splendid
match and l could see out of it per-
fectly, but you have no idea what an
amount Of trouble it gave me. The
fact that I developed an inordinate
fondness for cabbage did not worry me
any. 1t was just the timid appearance
Of the thing that got me into so many
scrapes. I'd accidentlly step on a mans
foot, for instance.
beg pardonl' I'd say. 1,
Don't mention it, he'd have on the
top of his tongue, but he wouldn't say
1t. Meantime he'd get a glimpse Of
that timid eye and suddenly turn and
punch my head half off. He simply
couldn't help it. Every time I turned
around I'd get poke in the ear from
some natural born bully.
There was no handling my creditors
at all. A collector would come in,
wondering whether he would get his
money or not, and ready to sidestep
an inkstand or a paper weight. I'd tell
him to come In about two weeks from
next Wednesday.
All right, SIR he'd start to say,
politely enough, then he'd catch sight
of that eye.
Look here he'd say, the next dash
out Of the box. We've waited as long
as were going to for this money, see.
Now, I'm coming back here tomorrow
and If you amt ready to settle this
bill I'll jerk your leg off and beat your
brains out with it,
Doc I said, this meachin' little
lamp has got to go. It's no good
Doc looked into that timid optic
and he fiared right up.
That eyes plenty good enough for
a yellow livered cur like you he says,
THAT was the last straw.
Not for mine I said, and 1 sailed
into him. About three minutes later
eased my hand from his throat enough
so he could speak.
Do 1 get another eye? I asked.
Sure!' said he. Please take your
knee out of my stomach. What kind
of a lamp do you want this time?'
A tigers eye 1 yelled. And want
1t quick!
Gentlemen, you never saw more
complete revolution in a mans sur
roundings in your life. The doctor got
me the eye of a healthy young tiger,
and when I got out onto the street
again the world was very easy for me,
easy-for-meI Everybody was very
nice and polite to yours truly. I'd step
on mans foot. He'd turn around with
a scowl, catch sight Of that fierce op-
tic, turn pale and apologize for being
In the road. When a collector would
happen into my office he'd take one
look and say that the firm had sent
him around with their compliments to
see if 1 didn't want some more goods,
on my own time. But the end came
at last. 1 got so 1 liked to see people
shriyel and curl up, and I guess rub
bed it in too much. Anyway, l got
tangled up with near-sighted guy