Waterbury evening Democrat., 1903-06-04
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The Mule That Went to Jersey

O gumption enough to say anythin', l says, git offen that cracker barl,' says.
 "'Cause the stranger that got outen his wagon and tied his wall-eyed hoss to the hitchin' post in front of the Eddy store had come in lookjn' seur- CT than a vinegar barI, and could see that if his whiskers hadn't "a been dyed they'd been as yaller as dandy lines in a medder. He looked around, sort O snif1in and snortin', and he says:
 "I'm headed for Jersey says he, and I can't git there none too soon, says he.
 "I seen to once that the feller was gtickin' up his nose at the Knob coun- try, and first felt sorry fer him fer bein' so misguided, but after another look around, and sniffin' and snort- in az in at what he see, he says:
 I'm pinin' for Jersey! And the more I look around me here,' he says, the more pine!'
 '"Then that stickin' of his nose up at the Knob country got to be agger- vatin', and didn't feel sorry for him no more. Nose he sot on the cracker barI where he didn't have no business to be, cause he can't talk, and the cracker bar'l is always the place for the man to set on who can talk I sot on the kit O mack'ral, and the idee of man who can talk bein' squatted on a kit O mack-ral!
 Simon was a leetle wan and weary, 'cause business was slack, and was lay in on the counter with his head rest in on roll O calico. Job was strad- de O the slab bottom cheer, chawin' plug terbacker. None of 'em didn't seem to pay no attention to the stran- gers stickin' of his nose up at the Knob country, and there was on the mack'ral kit and couldn't half talk.
 ''So when he sniffed and snorted and said he was pinin' for Jersey, and the more he looked around on to us the more he pined, got so aggervated that I rig right up offen the mack'ral kit and says to Nose:
 Here I says, if you ain't got gumption enough to say .anythin',' I says, git offen that cracker bar'u' I says.
 And Nose clim' offen the cracker bari and clim' on to it, and I says to the feller who was pinin' for Jersey:
 Ever been to Jersey?' I says to him.
 "'Ever been there!' he says, lookin' around some more, and snifin' and snortin'. Why, sandfeas a-hoppin'I I was born there!' he says.
 "Then l sort O felt sorry for the feller ag'in, but he sniffed and snort ed and turned up his nose at the Knob country worse'n ever, and my aggerva' tion come back to wunst.
 Many more jest like you down there?' says, sort O snippy.
 Many more,' he says. Hull town ships of 'em!' he says. Jest like me- he says, only bustin' sight more soi' he says.
 Then says I, that explains some thin. That explains it. I says, sure as grass a-growin'!' says. T never knowed no one but,old Joe's Ebenezer that'd ever been to Jersey says.
 "'And I'll bet you two-year crap O cramberries that he's braggin' on it yit!' says the soilr-lookin' feller. stick in' up his nose more and more ag'in the Knob country.
 "'No,' says, he ain't.'
 "'Say,' says the feller, huffy as Sam Hill. Do you mean to set there on that cracker barI and tell me that he's sayin' anything ag'in it ? he says. "'No,' says I. T don't, cause he never said word ag'in it, saysI. Not & durn word,' says I.
 "'Should say not,' the fe1ler says. 'And he hadn't better,' says he, snifin' and snortin'.
 "And I grinned and said that he could count sure on it that Ebenezer never would, and then I sot square on the cracker bar'l and says:
 'Somethin' like three year ago. says, old Joe traded a tract O. hem lock, back O the Knob, for farm some'rs' way down in Jersey. One day he says to Shorty, which was his hired man and a good un:
 Shorty" says he, "there ain't no sort O use. We've got to do somethin' with Ebenezer. The better treat him the meaner he acts.
 "''He won't go and blow, he won't work in 'hayin', he won't do nothin' that ain't cussedness. He up and kicked the gray mare in the belly this and she won't be worth a snip for a week. He got mad at the old woman and chased her from the clear to the house and into the house and half way up the kitchen stairs.
 There ain't no livin' with Ebe. nezer any longer. Somethin's got to be done. It seems 8 shame to send him put O the Knob country, but I'll have to do it. I'm goin' to send him and you to work the new farm down in
 Shorty, he fit ag'in goin' down Jersey" says old Joe.
 Shorty, he fit ag'in goin' down there with Ebenezer, but old Joe was got on it and Shorty and the mule oh! says l to the sour-lookin' feller, did tell you that Ebenezer was a mule?'
 "The feller had jest sot down on one