The Lamar register., 1903-07-08

| Did you ever have geetwisticus OF
the liver with complications of spring
fever? It's that strange. indescribable
disease that drives one to thinking
OF his "boyhood days down on the
farm" Happy days!
| But the geetwisticus OF the liver is
bad ailment. It causes otherwise
sensible men to write poetry and pro-
pose to widows. These are the two
! forms generally diagnosed. While 1t
| Is hard on our friends. I'VE feel truly
| thankful this evening" that our attack
took the former route. The first verse
| was like this:
DOVE in the run where the blue-belis
Mem'rics of boyhood air beckonin' me.
Once upon a time we knew an
Englishman who clipped his ''g's." and
We decided to roll up our trousers
legs at the bottom. to make believe 1t
was raining in London, and to clip our
"g's" just as though we had been ac-
oustomed to 1t. Having sharpened our
saw we cut off another spasm. VIII en-
1t had been doctored thoroughly. IT
read like this:
Meadow iarks carol in rapsodies
Heart throbs. that wing to the sky and
the leas.
That looked good to us, like our
wife who has been away on a long
visit, and we raised the meat AK again.
1t fell! And this is the next verse:
Sun In the red west be almost sunk!
We felt quite at home on the back
Of Pegasus after writing this, having
been associated with frogs all our life.
Did you ever hold frog by the left
hind toes and have him try to
kick loose? 1t is great sport. little
hard on the frog, but entertaining in
the extreme, especially IL you are a
woman, because every time the frog
kicks you will scream and teeter
around like cockroach on a hot flap.
jack griddle. The fourth spout re.
minded us of spot out back OF
mothers raspberry bushes. where we
annually did stunts with four-tined
fork and a tomato can. 1t went like
this:
Worms in the bait can squirmin' en-
masse
Fearin' tine teeth of the game rock
bass.
In bullhead time we carried our
worms loose In the pocket of our short
coat. because no boy that ever tackled
q good bullhead hole when the wind
is in the west" could ever take time
IL
a stump. Some people do not carry
their worms in the same manner we
did-but that Is neither here nor there,
at least 1t isn't here! All. there!
But to return to the geetwisticus of
the liver. The next four verses came
in a lump like an extra drag of rela-
tlves on circus day, and here they
are:
Sinner and crappie' and pumpkin tail
Cotched every one with a new snare
Boughten with eggs what l Jest done
took.
Shirt of denim and trousers blue
Hair sun dried to Il sorrel hue:
Feet a-scarred some. with tan Of
brown.
Hang from the bridge to the water down.
By this time We were getting
"chesty." and decided to throw of the
rest with one swell foop-we mean
fell swoop! We did. Here 1t is, is It:
Bout the steenth bite and no fish, by
dad.
Let I'm dun hav' ut clean up to um's
Gehosiphat! but I've hooked 'er whale."
GO it. by thunder, you fightin' shad,
Don't sit away from this ere OIL lad!'
Water whipped white. to a feathery
foam.
Tickles me yet as 1 trudge tord home!
Then having completely finished the
poem, we employed trick Of the
trade to make 1t longer and more
impressive. We tackled the first verso
onto the tail end:
Down in the run" where the blue-bells
Mem'ries of boyhood air beckonin' me-
We cannot always control ourselves
when i'll of geetwisticus of the liver
with spring fsver done in trails on
the platter alongside. but in our sane
and sanitary moments we never Co
this. We trust the explanation VIII
be commensurate and duly, accepted.
Our intentions are as harmless as a
baby burro and our desire to plea 90
as great as his ears.
-
And now there is trouble down in
Indian Territory, as the following.
from one of the country papers, will
substantiate: THE one-horse paper
run by one jackass power mental
dynamo up at Bluejacket tried to get
a little sweetness out Of sour grapes
last week because the People of Fair
land decided that they would rather
have the Chelsea Cornet Band in
preference to the Bluejacket band.
H. L.,