The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1903-12-19
TALE OF A HABIT

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A Habit, a Reading Habit, sat glazing
at a pile OF books and magazines. He
was weary of reading, and he wanted
something to read. He had mental dys-
pepsia, but he needed food. All was
wrong with everything. And when ev-
erything goes wrong, the everything OF
the tangible world, the contagioa spreads
and no one escapes.
What do you think OF, this?" he asked
himself, picking UP a copy Of The Violet
Opera Hat.
"A book OF unexeeeded clevernesz,"
publishers announcement inside confident
ly and modestly admitted.
He muttered softly: THAT is why
don't like it. am tired of cleverness,
tired of the reiterated admission in fore
words, notices, and reviews. as well as
from the covers of magazines that books
and stories are clever. Scintillating wit,
'excoriating epigram- epigram-epigram,
have grown to dread bright sayings. The
clever stories,> the he-and-she tales, and
those psychological vivisections of female
character. and the photographs pic
lures of men. have wear:ed me. / do not
like tobasco for soup; shutney for fish,
fresh and good, red herring; olives etern-
ally for vegetables; a salad that is all
mustard; pickles for dessert, and Wor-
cestershire for my drink.
Il am weary of literary spice served on
pickleliliy. l long for bread and butter,
books; potatoes, and beef books; even
newspaper boiled dinner. Striving after
cleverness has became literary disease.
1t rasps and fiddles on my nerves like
single sound monotonously repeated. The
epigrams drip on my weakening brain like
the pattering drops on the head of
Chinamans victim. The epigramaphone-
the epigramaphone."
He paused in WEAKNESS. Then he con-
tinued as he gazed on the smart blue and
yellow cover, with symbolic design in red
and gold, of The Black Doormat' 100000
published before it was printed, for ten
seconds the largest selling book of the
week.; at the smart magenta and green
cover of The East Wind "a magazine of
scintillations); $4,000 copies printed this
month, and at the smart camel drab and
honey-yeHow autographed cover Of the
Weekly Stitch-in the-Side' devoted to
cleverness). a larger circulation than the
combined circulation of all other publica-
tions. itself included; More Epigrams;
more cleverness; more smartness; more
bubbles; more sparkles; more predigested
witticism; more wageTy for young and
old, and more humorous, incisive pliloso-
ply of life"
He picked up the Stitch ran through
1t hastily TO see that all the servants,
Micl1s Rubes. Dagoes. Jews. Hams, and
acrobatic Illustrations were present, and
then he began to read: Abraham john
son. the well-known bootblack. at the
corner OF Wall street and Riverside Drive.
tells the following good story concerning
President Roosevelt"
There was the sound of tearing paper.
and a pile of scraps found their way TO
the wastebasket. 1t was the Stitch
price ten cents. The Habit was angry.
for he muttered: Does that man do
nothing but put in his time performing
tricks that are worth space rates? This
is the acknowledgements that 1 have
read this week"
The Black Doormat' was opened wear
lily. Blue Mud was holding holiday.
Three-Toed Charlie. in a tit of abstrac-
ton, had taken a wife. 1t was Cling Stone
Petes wife, and that meant trouble. \
crowd of men stood before the Yellow
Hen saloon"
The book crashed through the window,
and from the street there arose terrible
shrek The Habit turned pale, and in
his excitement hurriedly took out note
book and lotted down his name and adj
dress. But evidently the blow had been
sufficient. for there was nothing but sill
ence now. So the habit resumed his
thinking. IF we could only be taught not
TO be clever. not TO be bright. If we could
oRly forget how to read! If L had Cad
mas here. I'd throttle HIM"
And he picked up a publishers cata-
logue, the most readable of all literature
and was soon busy and happy marking
off the books that he wished to buy
New York Post.