The Minneapolis journal., 1903-04-06
Shylock Homes: His Posthunous
IN. w. ts.sMeHoirs.s i p. rre><.xx.lgi
BY John Kendrick Bangs.

town were on the verge of starvation.
How to relieve them was a problem.
did not dare send them food by inessen-
ger, for had little enough of my own,
a sudden q great idea came to me. The
Delaware, you know, gentlemen, is re-
nowned for its shad, and shad. is one Of
the most esculent birds that fly the depths.
Tho river was frozen solid. What more
natural, I thought, than that millions Of
these fish are embedded in the ice. 4 tt
was, indeed, "a happy thought, for tnVesti-
cation proved the accuracy Of my surmise.
We cut three tons Of ice the next morn
ing, and out Of this we extracted nine
hundred and twenty three pounds Of the
finest roe-shad man ever tasted. But how
to get them to our friends in Trenton?
Again a happy idea came to me. I had
one hundred and twenty Of the fish frozen
into ice balls Of the precise caliber Of my
cannon, and, Will you believe it, the next
morning, a few hours before set out on
my famous journey across the river, I
bonbarded Trenton with these, and with
such accuracy of aim that the necessities
of my starving friends under the thrall
of the Hessian forces were Immediately
relieved E~..-s -..-, ...-E =
The silence that followed this an
nouncement. was deadly. but Washington
seemed not to observe it.
There was but nesmisfap in the incid-
ent,' he continued Zone Of the ice-balls
hit an American sympathizer squarely in
the" middle, and, inasmuch as the shad
concealed within it happened to strike
him tail foremost, he was frightfully
1acerated by the bones, which left a
wound similar@to that Of the very repre-
hensible dumdum bullet of modern
times
IT move we adjourn!" cried Baron Nun
nhonsan GenoraI Woshinotor,
down. "There is no chance. for anybody
else, after a story like that" ..
i The motion was defeated merely out
Of courtesy to Washington, but it was OBJ
/ vious that a gloom had been cast. upon
| the occasion by his story that nothing
| meeting broke UP with q dulling sense in
| the mind Of everybody that the dinner
| had been q failure. AS Munchausen said
| to me, on his way home, "A fish story is a
! fish story, but tale like that of Wash
ington Swell, it's enough to make Apol-
JOS Tyre blush with shame. Somebody
ought to look up that cherry tree story
/ and see just what this man Washington
pretensions amounted to. You're the mar
for the Job, Homes. Why don't you dc
/ it?"
II wish he would said Diogenes, "i1
j means good deal to me, for you know
/ spent my life looking for an honest man
and when I met Washington, quit
/ Thought had him at last-but that shat
story of his upsets all my calculations.
may have to go back into business again
Others brought their powers of persua
sion to bear upon me, but, shocked as Z.
/ had been by the reckless statements Of tn,
/ general, was at first loath to undertak,
| the work. The role Of the iconoclast Il
/ not q popular one, and had a wish t,
| risk my gratifying hold upon the affec
tions Of the American people by ruthlessl,
4 shattering one OF their idols. Thei
heroes do not last long. as rule, and /
i seemed a pity to take one Of the very fev
that had endured through more than
i hundred years and shatter him. Yet, a
I Ananias argued, truth should ever prevail
and however unpleasant the consequences
q should be told. Hence 1t was that tool
} up the cherry tree episode. ss- !.
i My first step was to calF upon the gen
Ieral at his home. He was cordial to
degree, and as sat and enjoyed his hos
tpftality, 1t yexed me much to think that
! was deceiving him. think should hav
I given over my project had 1t not been fo
his response to my complimentary allusio
a to his speech.
THAT was a charming tale OF yours 9
!, the Walton Club, general, said I, hopin
! that he would be honest with me and con
J fesss his obvious mendacity.
THANK you. said he. simply. I'll
glad you liked it. For myself, hay
II feared 1t was failure. You see, Homes