Pike County press. (Milford, Pa.) 1895-1925, 1903-04-24
H0OG's FUNERAL.

The Bowersville Brass Band got its
irst public engagement when old
man Ho0g died II is not disrespect-
iul to refer TO the late iamented as old
man Hoog." for he has been thus called
every dag for the forty years preceding
his death. and, as he owned about half the
rented houses In Bowefsgille, and took fur
niture where he could not get the money
for rent the appellation was not one Of
love and esteem by any means. But he had
money, and he was to have fine funeral.
When a man may nave a brass band at his
funeral he may be said to have achieved
some sort Of success in life And when he
is going to have such a band as the Bowers
yillr brass one at that ceremony, there are
I going 90 be sad features connected with it.
Mrs. Hoog engaged the band herself. She
disputed with Herr Spleinfutz over the
price for some time but at last they agreed
on figure. Then Mrs Hoog looked over
the music Of the band 1t was arranged by
numbers That is, NO |, as the band
master would call for it, would be Hail
/ to the Chief for instance For conven-
fence sake, the leader always told his men
/ to play Number so-and-so Mrs Hoog
/ selected the following programme.
Dead March in Saul. 10 be played while
/ procession leaves the house)
Chopn's Funeral March (ro be played
after entering the church, the band re-
naming outside)
'rBlee as a Bird" March to the GENE
teryl
Nearer, My God, to Thee Cat the
cemeiery)
'The Sweet By-and Bye" Cro be played
! coming home.)
Now, it chanced that Herr Spleinfutz
could not read English very well so he sub
! mitted the programme to the editor Of the
| Bowersville Clarion, who was not indulging
in any unconsolable grief over the taking
away Of old man Hoog The editor had been
evicted from his former office, also from his
residence, because The Clarion did not
bring in enough money to meet the demands
Of Hoog. When he saw the programme he
said:
Say, this isn't written very plain. Bet
ter let me fix it up for you, and give you the
numbers Of the selections, 80 you'll get
everything straight
"Choost it, agreed Herr Spleinfutz.
On the morning Of the funeral the editor
handed the Herr the revised list of music
with adiurations to play the numbers in
dicated and to play them well
The weeping widow was musing over the
year Of black dresses that was ahead of her
when the band struck up the first number
She gasped with astonishment when il
blared forth the opening bars of when
You Amt Got No Money, Why, You
Needn't Come Around
Mercy she whispered to the preacher
whats wrong with that band Go and tell
them to stop that awful tune"
/ Rut tba prnaahap ,t-.e fuforu,aI that tbe
music was in accordance with the orders OF
Mrs. Hoog, and when Spleinfutz showed him
the programme, with the numbers plainly
written out, he retired from the argument
with a thrill Of horror in his soul And the
rollicking admontion to remain at a dis
tanee when financially embarrassed gave
Joy to the hearts OF those who had known
and honored the dear departed in life.
At the church the mourners and other.
had fairly seated themselves when from
the outside came the jingling cadence of:
"A Little More Work for the Under
taker"
There was suppressed excitement and
much uneasiness in the church, but every
body seemed to realize the solemnity Of
the occasion and the band was permitted tC
play the selection srough But when tht
mournful gathering came out to take uI
the march to the cemetery there was bale
ful glare from beneath the black veil which
hid the features of Mrs. Hoog. And, but fol
the looks of the thing she would have stop
ped the funeral or jumped from the carriage
when, far ahead of the hearse, the musicians
led off with:
Enjoy Yourselves"
1t was a ragtime drive to the little GENE
terry, and wrathful widow who stepped
from her carriage at the end of that drive
But the band had considerably stopped a
some distance from the Hoog lot, and tn,
editor of the Clarion, a grim smile fightinI
for mastery of his features, was lurking neal
at hand, with his notebook ready for service
The disconsolate widow had to be supporte,
by several female friends, but she seemed
able to stand alone, and even to jump in tn,
air, if they would let her go, when the banC
roared forth:
Throw Him Down, McClusky!"
"For, by a strange coincidence the un
dertaker's name was Francis McCluskey
The sudden onslaught of melodious advic,
ratified him so that he had to lean agains
a tombstone and conceal his features will
his hat. Then the band filed soberly from
the cemetery and took up the homewar,
march, their feet lightened by the strain
Of:
You'll Get An That's Coming to You"
Mrs Hoog's carriage passed the band on
fast trot before it had gotten fifty yard
from the gate, but Herr Spleinfutz stucl
to his contract and played the tune all tn
way to town.
That weeks Clarion containedNa beauti
full account of the funeral and devoted SOM
twenty lines to expatiating upon tn
timely and appropriate music. which wa
selected by the sorrowing relict Of the high
ly esteemed deceased" "
But Herr Spleinfutz has discovered tina
the last tune on the programme was IA
from prophetic and now he is suing Mrs
Hoog for the amount Of his biH-N. Y
Times.
wa.n,t Acou.,nt.a