The Green Forest tribune., 1903-07-04
ANNUAL COMMENCEMENT.
Report of Closing Exercises of Hickory siding High school.


 THE TRIBUNE in publishing the following from the Minor Obser- vations" of Harry Daniels:
 Hickory Siding, U. s. A. The annual commencement exercises of the Hickory Siding high school took place here last night in a blaze of glory and a hot hall with temperature of 150 in the shade. A large, fat girl in baby blue first read a beautiful essay with pink ribbon on it, entitled '"The Key to Success" ;" She had 8 dear, sweet plan mapped out by which every man, woman and child could achieve almost any amount of success in the world. She had laid down all the prelim- mary rules and was just getting ready to show how to close in on the everlasting wreath of success when she made the sickening dis covery that she had left the last mile and half of her essay at home on the bureau and she was compelled to quit the arena and forsake her hearers just as she was on the very verge of turning ever all of the hidden secrets of life's success to them.
 It was a cruel disappointment to all, but hope was once more revived when young man with a fair haired voice and a gera- nium in the top button -hole of his coat got out into the center of the stage some way, and began to assert that every man was 8 Napoleon Bonaparte if he only knew 1t. "NapoIeon was a man who swept away every obstacle, " said he, swinging his arms up and down in the air with so much gen. erous and whOle- s0uled enthusi- asm that his new cuffs were yanked loose from their sockets and hung down around his hands. He made two or three hurried at tempts to shove them back up his sleeves, but they lifted anchor every time and came back down around his hands again, conceal ing everything but the tips of his fingers. It was a bitter bloW to Napoleon. When Harold, the boy orator, started in ne waxed enthusiastic over the indomitable old warrior and his method of brushing aside every obstacle. But, after the cuff incident, he seemed to regard the great gen. eral with an air of reserve, cool ness and suspicion. He refused to utter a single gesture in favor of the genius of Napoleon and allowed his arms to dangIe at his sides like 8 pair of wet socks.
 The next number on the pro- gram was given by scared but noisy young mental athlete who entertained the audience by melt ing down his collar and setting at large a number of powerful remarks on tle subject of " Reinforcement" At times he become so earnest and enthusi- astic that he could not find words to express himself in the English tongue, and had to unbosom himself in antique Latin. He would speak at some length in English, until he got to feeling the subIimily of his theme and perspiring good and freely, and then he would fly away like a rare bird of plumage and jabber to himself in the embalm9d Latin language until the audience hardly knew whether he was having fit or yelling for a hand organ and monkey. Itsounded a good.deal like debate between Julius Caesar and Chauncey M. Depew.
 A number of other severe blows were then struck by mem- bers of the class in the interests of universal progress, after which a self-made man, who had fought the battle of life till he was round. shouldered came in with an arm ful of diplomas, laid them on the table and said:
 "Philosophers and Saers of the Class of 1903, Ladies and Gentle men: As the chairman of the school board of Hickory Siding, the vast honor has been thrust
 Domestic Troubles,