Deseret evening news. [volume] (Great Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1867-1920, 1903-04-03
HUMOROUS.

whats the trouble, Nellle uV-
manded a stern voice from upstairs
'1-lust saw mouse she tiibbed
Presently the young man claimed
another kiss and the scream was re-
Ieated. Agn came the stern voice.
what Is 1t this time?'
II Just saw another mouse
Then the old man came down with
the house cat. a mouse trap and
cane and sat In a corner to watch de-
yelopments. Chicago News.
An Irish soldier was crossing a bar
rack square with a pail In which he
was going to get some water, A SER
geant. passing at the time, noticed that
Pat had a very disrepu table looking
pair of trousers on, and, wishing to
1.7ke report stopped the man and
asked:
"Where are you going?
"To get some water
What In those trousersY
mo. sergeant in the pail!'-Can-
adlan Military Gazette.
"Did you hear about that member Of
the legislature who wants TO pass a
law requiring a physicians certificate
before people can kiss?' said Maud.
yes" answered Mamie; 81 think It's
time they made man produce proof
that he is sane before they let him in
to the legislature 2-W Washington Star
"Is luncheon ready?" asked the can
nibal chief. arrogantly,
mot quite" answered the cook, cour-
teously; "he Is just combing his hair"
Penn. Punch Bowl.
Mrs. Hiram Offen-Hcrc Bridget,
see how dusty II is under the bed
Bridget-Yest'm
Sirs. Hiram Often Haven't ] i'm
pressed upon you that you must sweep
under the beds?
Tridgct--Av coorse ma'am an how
could the dust get there II I hadn't
swept II under?-Philadelp Press,
"Meddicin chests" said the old re-
tired skipper, with a snort of con-
tempt II didn't have NJ such TOM
foolery abroad my ship when ! were
a-going' to sea. Ketch me a-coddlln'
Of my croo. No. sir II so be as wun
Of the 'ands was feelin' queer 7 sez r.
i'm 'W'ere's the pain? Is II above the
belt or below the belt? If he SEE it's
below the belt | gives m a hemmetlc
# e SEE It's above the belt | gives IN
a dose OF Hepsom SORTS Turn my
ship hinto a hloomin' chemists shop
Not me, sirl"-Tacoma Ledger
What a fool is man to think in his
own conceit that he is not a fool!
II requires years Of inexperience to
rlpen mans receptive faculties for
solid truth
The human brain is piece of ma
chlnery that requires oiling the instant
1t squeaks.
We have q lot OF respect for the girl
who can play the piano well and cook
a steak better-Baltmore News.
A lad. returning home after a foot
ball match in Lancashire, went to the
BARRIERS to get shave. Seating him
self in the chair he was soon fast
asleep. for he had partaken rot vice
ly but too well Of strong beverage The
barber shook him and demanded what
he required. a haircut or a shave.
''Shave please" said he, nut his head
dropped forward ana again he slept
Now, lad. look tina here. doest want
shaving?" said the barber. "becos If
tina does. hoold up that head" "Neyer
mind said the occupant Of the chair,
"coot ma hair"
Il have been told, captain" the fair
pa ssenger said, that when the water IL
calm one can look over the side OF vee-
sci and see the ships Commodore Perry
sunk so long ago"
ITS true, nam" responded the COM
mander OF the Lake Erie steamer. I'VE
are going over them right now
surely not, captainl We must be
nearly a hundred miles from the place
where the battle was fought"
do you suppose. maam," he re-
Joined, with offended dignity "those
ships have not shifted any In the last |
GO years. Chicago Tribune.
"And now said Prof. Longhunger.
as he greeted Henry Peck. what shall |
we make of your little boy--a lecturer? |
He has a sincere taste for II"
81 know he has" replied the male |
parent; "he lnherits II from his moth |
er."-Schoolmaster
A Hamilton girl who had been very |
clever at college come home the other |
day, and said 10 her mother; Mother
I've graduated, but now ! wish TO take |
up psychology, philology, bibli"---
Just wait minute" said the |
mother. Il have arranged for you |
thorough course In roastology. boil /
ology, stltchology. darnolOgv, patch
ology, and general domesticology. Now /
put on your apron and pluck that /
chicken. "-saxby's Magazine.
why don't you get rid of that
mule?"
well sub" answered the colored
man. rs done been a-tradln all my
life. an ! nebber once got de best OF a |
bargain. rs holdin' on 20 dat mule.
case II | was to trade I'm of. I'd turn
up wild a sentC.lcc IN fail or case o
typhoid fever. Washington Star.
MY boy doesn't seem to have got
along here very well," said the office
boys father.
We'll to be perfectly frank with
you" replied the employer Il must
say no"
"Ah What's his trouble?"
He hasn't any trouble It's the rest
Of us who have had that."-Chicago
"Ahl Rabbit stew on the bill Of fare.
eh2 | think III have some Of that.
BY the way, where's my old friend, the
cat2"
she disappeared this mornin', sir"
replied the walter, "and amt been seen
since.
: -H'm' Suppose you give me an omelet
instead Of that rabbit s,ew."-chicago