davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1903-07-12
A E. z. Y. |. c. Club.

1t has leaked out that a select coterie
of Ends male citizens are going TO or
ganize a lodge. that will keep their good
wives guessing as to their husbands
whereabouts Of nights. relates the Wave.
Heretofore the good wives We're satisfied
with such explanations as 4 met fell
low down town that | have not seen for
years and did not know it was SO awf6l
late"
You know the lodge met and we have
been working on new candidates for the
last six hours
Il am sorry that I could not get home
eooner. but. TO tell the truth, l was lis
tening to a lot of stories that Rick Mes
sail and key Hirschfield were getting
off and did not notice the way time was
passing.
1t has been decided to call the new
lodge: + L l. Y. G. which means in
plain English. Fool En- II You Can. ="
meaning the good wives Of the members,
for it is strictly a married mems organi-
zation.
one of the bylaws reads: IF any mem
eber does not satisfactorily report his alb
sence from homo, a committee of three
shall be appointed 10 draft an excuse that
will stick. and mail the same to the wife
Of the member who does not take much
stock in the veracity of her husband.
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1903-07-12
Marriage Null and Void.

The selling OF inherited Indian land.
at the Sac and Fox Agency. seems to give
10 the customary blanket marriages and
divorces a lasting black eye" Agent
Gufin. in accordance with instructions
from the Interior Department. considers
all such socalIed marriages and divorces
null and void
The red brother and sister must CON-
ply with the territorial laws. II they
don't. then they viii probably Be de-
pri~ed OF getting big or little shares OF
the money paid for the dead Indian al
lotnents They viii also be prosecuted
for pracdcing adultery. il i stated that
all the children born Of Illegal unions
are considered ilegitinate. but that con
gress viii probably lesitinize the limo
cent offspring by wholesale
All OF the county officers q Oklahoma
have been entirely too criminaliy neglect
sul OF their official duties in relation 20
the Indians. The laws OF this territory
are as much for the Indians as io- the
Negroes and the whites. The executors
o; the statutes should net be reSpectorS
OF persons
The Stroud Messenger declares that 10
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1903-07-12

re began his lecture ~ saying tharsthere
We're other disadvantages in being
younger brother. besides having 10 wear
cut down clothes. He called attention 10
what a famous preacher. lecturer and
author his brother. Thomas. was. put
he said, II can beat him. and although
l haven't ever written 4 novel. when
I d. q VIII knock the spots or hts ''Iecp-
ards Spots" He then went on TO give
the crowd warning that he was going
20 talk for over an hour and n half and
that about o'clock he would Just begin
70 get warmed up on his subject And
he continued. if Bilhorn gets 70 moving
his piano or footing his horn while In
talking, the fact that / am big man and
he is a weazened up little fellow won't
keep me from taking him by the collar
and the tail Of the coat and throwing
him out through the rip IN the top Of this
tent His lecture was funnisr than sam
Jones without any OF the shocking Ian
guage and gave the audience more 20
think about after they got home than
the scholarly lectures OF DR.. Gunsaulis.
II the Chautauqua management IS foxy
it VIII make contract With him for next
year as the leading attraction before he
gets out of town
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1903-07-12
THE JAYHAWKER OF 'SUNFLO OVERFLOW

Think OF that! About 30 gallons OF ink!
But then il was cheap, for each Gus
toner got two bottles-one black, the
other red-for a little dollar, or only so
cents quart OF course there were other
things promised for the dollar besides the
ink, such as nice picture Of their bust
ness places and an advertisement of their
business in a big World Fair directory
of some sort, which of itself was worth
ever so much more than a dollar-the
ink was simply thrown in for good meas
ure. But after 1t is all over there is
faint suspicion that the ink is about all
there is TO the experience.
Now comes the funny part of the story:
The persons who took the orders for the
ink-estimated at about 800 worth-went
10 E D. Eson the druggist and purchased
even s worth of Diamond Dyes and from
this and about 80 gallons of Ninnescah
water, manufactured. bottled and deliver
ed 500 worth Of fine ink. making the
cost of the two bottles of ink about 21z
cents each, or. 5 cents. say the barrel OF
water cost . cents or cent a gallon, the
bottles cents each, and you have the
total cost of the two bottles of ink fur
nished each customer, say 10 cents. As
can be easily figured. this leaves nice
profit of about 900 per cent, on each sale.
Each customer could have invested 10
cents in Diamond Dyes at Esons and
from this could have made more ink than
they got for s1.00 and it wouldn't have
taken to exceed two minutes to make It.
But then it was worth 80 cents to get to
patronize a good-looking lady solicitor.
The next CRATER that comes along will
also find lots of customers Kingman
dealers-home folks and taxpayers-sell
good inks at fair prices. Did this thought
ever occur to you?
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1903-07-12
Kansas Ugly Romance.

n story comes from Hutchinson about
q pretty romance in which a Hutchinson
veteran Of the Spanish-American war
played the principal part The facts are
given by the Bee. When the Hutchinson
ooys went to war in 1898 they cut a
swath about ten miles wide all the way
from Topeka to Chattanooga. Peonle
came to the train in thousands to shout
as the 2lst Kansas passed through
IN Company Z were a lot of boys who
had left sweethearts at home and who
were quite gallant toward their sex
When the soldier train stopped for some
tifne at the pretty little town OF Mount
Vernon, H., the girls swarmed at the
depot and handed out to the soldiers slips
with their names and address written
thereon. The result was that the 2lst
kansas did thriving business by mail.
with Mount Vernon all summer long.
When fall came and the regiment was
ordered home Mount Vernon's pretty
girls toggcd out and went to meet the
train again. In Company E was a cor
poral who shall be called Corporal Blank.
He had been corresponding with a girl
who signed with hand that indicated
a blue-eyed red-cheeked beauty, but he
had not seen her when her name had
been handed him. He had warm antici-
pations of their meeting and intended to
out-Hobson that gallant hero himself.
Mount Vernon was reached and down
the depot platform through the crowd
,ceslTne giri inquiring, Is Corporal Blank
here?' Corporal Blank poked his head
out of the window and saw a red-haired
maiden lady horIf "a VANS old opd ,,,;th
q wart on her nose. Her voice sounded
Ike the tones of rasp. When she came
along and repeated the question to him.
Corporal Blank said, NO; he is not
here"
And thus the light was snuffed out on
another pretty romance but Corporal
Flank married a Kansas girl and lived
happily afterwards
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1903-07-12

sixty-five degrees and ne saw nothing
smaller than prince of the realm: he
waved his hand with a proud delsarte
gesture and the stars jumped in their
orbits and consultations and systems Of
worlds wobbled in their careers through
space. He was as the old Latin writer's
put it: A bully boy with a glass eye.
But now a change has come over the
spirit Of his dream; he has come back 10
Kansas after a seasons pout with a
shifty and undesirable fame mild and
lovely. gentle as the summers breeze
He COOS his plant into the pretty pink
polucid ear of the yoemanry with all the
cadent, melifiuent insistence of coaxer
pigeon. He is a sauve, succharine, bland,
urbane; and he teeters on willing toes at
the call of a ward committeeman like
jacksnipe going after d bug. He is as
chick and debonair of dress and as WOO
full and winning of demeanor as the lady
whose husband had gone away on long
journey. He is playing upon all the
strings of the lutte Of political seduction,
a very Paderewksi on the instrument.
Not since Cleopatra spread her sinful
snares for Anthony has the world seen
such charming capers. such wiles, such
genufiections as the senior SEN
ator from Kansas is using on his old love
who Of late seems TO be cold love. 1t
is a diverting spectacle withal-one that
has its moral. But in the midst of this
political hoochie-coochie that Burton is
doing for his constituents, for the Wash
ington Post to throw on such bucket
of cold slop as is found in the query:
What's the matter with Burtou?' is in
deed inspiring.
ION with the dance-let Joy be uncon-
fined.
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1903-07-12
a Blast of Dynamite.

The Washington Post remarks in it's
editorial notes that the editor of the EN-
pOria Gazette is again asking What's
the matter with Kansas" and says it
doesn't know unless it's Senator Burton,
to which the editor OF the Gazette re-
plies in fiery words:
And pray tell good Mr.. Post what's
the matter with Senator Burton? He went
to Washington two years and a half ago
prancing with a string-halted gait. like a
hen in high oats; his head was checked
high and his martingales We're rattling;
when he spoke with his exact. precise.
r-r-res-on-ant-t-t e-nun-ci-a -tion he Jared
the crockery on the top shelf of every
grocery store from Troy TO Hugoton. His
eye was pitched upward at an angle Of
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1903-07-12
8 3 LIFE IN LAND OF THE FAIR GOD = i

their holes in the ground. The earth was
full of people. some dugouts containing
as many as thirty people.
We had no dugout and was compelled
to face the music and watch and wait
the result. and our judgment is that il
was bit wreckless and wreckful, as sew
eral buildings in different parts of the
town attest. 1t was a cyclone, but an
upside down fellow and the chances are
that if IL had occurred at night time a
Encouragement of the stars might have
been necessary.
Considerable damage was done around
town by the displacement OF loosely con-
structed houses and the racking of small
barns and outbuildings. but none what
ever TO substantial work. 1t should serve
notice on future builders that more sub
stantial work Is necessary if the damage
by the winds is to be in a measure pre-
vented.
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1903-07-12
USING Debris Of Fire.

The Arkansas City Milling company is
making good use Of the burned and dam
aged rock that is being taken out OF the
ruins of the plant recently destroyed by
fire The walls are being torn down by
a gang of men. These are being dumped
aroun oChe conpany's property for the
purpose OF improving the roads.
The approaches 10 all of the canal
bridges are being covered with these rocks
and also all of the places where the water
is at all liable TO wash out the road. are
being filed up.
The company will also lay macadam
from Madison avenue. TO the mill. The
Traveller declares that this is a much
needed improvement and will be a great
benefit 20 the patrons Of the mill and es-
pecia1y TO the farmers who haul their
wheat along that road
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1903-07-12

The story OF a successful man Is always
interesting To the successful. man
need not reach the stage % n RecSc-
Teller. a Carnegie o. a Morgan. or ewes
Roosevelt There are thousands Of sue
oessful men who are never heard Of out
side their city. IL is OF one of the thou
sand that the Harper sentinel tells. Ills
name is Fred KitEing. lie j. a merchant.
In 1877 Mr.. KltEiRg was doing a PRES
porous business IN Cripple Creek. Colo
RADIO. when the great IRE there evertoos
him. Re carried no insurance. BY reas-
on Of the very high rates. The ere Of that
year completely destroyed his stock. ieSv.
ing him a penniless man with a family.
Mr. Kitxirg. however. being a true mer-
chant started oct in conquest OF busi-
ness and came 20 Harper IA iSsS With
stock OF lace scarces worth S25oa lie
persevered IN hts work. however. and his
business grew.
The Sentinel pays this tribute 20 him:
To-day he stands as a model aad a liv-
ing monument 81 success and persevep-
ence. His business has steadily grows
and he Is now running one OF the largest
and best stocked stores within the city.
His business career viii prove a fitting
example for any man"
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1903-07-12
Cost of Ahssnt-Mindedness.

The Topeka Capital is trying to offset
the heat by a few stories of zero weather.
One of them is on Auditor Seth Wells.
He had been down in southern Kansas
during particularly story period. and
on his return TO Topeka, coming around
by way of Kansas City his train was laid
out by big drift of snow. and lost many
hours. OF course the situation was far
from pleasant, but Wells, with the rest Of
the passengers, made the best Of it, and
all hands curlsd UP on the seats of the
smoker and the chair cars and dozed
portion of the night away as comfortably
as they could.
When Wells got back TO Topeka he was
grumbling about the unpleasant expert
ence and telling how he half froze for
several hours.
WELL" one OF his friends cut in. why
didn't you track back into the sleeping
car, pull out your Pullman pass and make
yourself at homer"
My Pullman pass!" echoed Wells. A
look Of blank amazement came over his
face. by golly." he snorted, after a
pause more eloquent than words, II for
got all about having Pullman pass!"
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1903-07-12
WEARING an Overcoat.

An individual claiming to hail from
Oklahoma struck Pratt. Kan. the other
day and this is the way the Union de-
scr'bcs him:
A man about 6 feet inches tall. his
shoes we'll worn. his breeches out at the
knees and wearing an overcoat, was seen
upon our streets The sight Of that over
coat all buttoned up and the thermom-
eter registering 90 degrees in the shade
was enough to take ones breath away.
Bob Sanders, Frank Barker and BOD
Harrel spied the man and decided TO buy
him some clothes. Bob approached him
and said: See here mister, you look IKE
q good natured cuss and l don't want To
make YOU mad for IL is against the law
in this town for a feiler to run, but we
fellows decided TO buy you some duds II
Won Will lay off that overcoat- VIII you
take them
you bet your life I'll take EN-, ne
renlied and they conducted him into M
STAIRS store and John Starr Clipped IN
with three other gentlemen and soon hau
him flaed out with a suit He rolled up
ehe overcoat and moved of.
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1903-07-12
Personalities to Be Cut Out.

The following unique salutatory is taken
from the Cheyenne Sunbeam:
The editor of this paper. making his
bow 10 his patrons and the fraternity
desires it understood that he loves his
friends with unalterable attachment. and
dislikes his enemies with fervor COM
mon te human frailty; but he is not run
ming this paper for the qualification Of
personal feeling, but as a business enter
prise. Merit in friend or foe whether
political or otherwise, shall have due
recognition. and wrong from any source
Will receive due rebuke Whatever in
nusnce this paper has or may acquire.
viii be thrown upon the side Of right
and justice as We see il and an EFFORT
viii be made to encourage all enterprises
and endeavors tending TO maintain our
country the peer Of the best in the ter
ritory.
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1903-07-12
25oPound White elephant.

Sheriff Tnghman Of lincoln county has
a white elephant on his hands In the
shape Of 80 pound birsmist named
August Ames. The Stroud Messenger
saws that he persistenuy refuses 70 give
bail and insists on staying I'm jail lie
carries over 500 in gold on his person.
His wife and daughter @. who reside
near Davenport. are quite wealthy and
are the prosecuting witnesses against the
prisoner Mr.. Ames. who is somewhat
artistocratic sometimes kicks the hum
bic dinner trays into smithereens. He Of
ten treats the other janbirds sumptuous-
", but he utterly refused 20 De tried -
the notorious kangaroo court. which f.
a sort OF organized mob tribunal iRsiee
the bastiie.
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1903-07-12
Qualifications Lacking.

II is a pity, so many people think, that
there are not more kings that there
might be employment for more kings
jokers. The world is full of ''joshers.'
They abound in every community. To
perpetrate the joke they will go so far
as to spend part of their fortune. The
FL Reno American recently printed the
following advertisement. which shows
that there is a josher in FL Reno and
that he paid so much per line for his
Josh inserted in his advertisement:
s1.o00 cash, balance in monthly pay
nents. buys restaurant. grocery store.
and eight sleeping rooms located oppo-
site Rock Island depot; good patronage
Reasons for selling: proprietor too mean
fci the business. Inquire at this Office
No one without the cash need apply.
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1903-07-12
Another Adam Triumph.

The Hennessey Democrat relates that
one Sunday young lady in the east part
OF town unexpectedly saw a little snake
in her pathway. She gave a sharp shrek
characteristic Of her sex and retreated
Securing q large club. with one OF those
unscientlic blows only women know how
to yield, struck at the snake After the
thrilling act was over. the young lady
tried to raise her collapsed form from
the ground. but soon realized that her
ankle was dislocated. She says she don :
know whether she was accidentally hit
by the snake In its dodge for life. or hy
The big club in its simiess course Any
way. the unfortunate girl il nursing
painful fracture, while the subtle snake
IS in its hiding like its ancestor rnusing IN
the fact that il caused the sudden fall Of
a fair daughter OF Mother Eve
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1903-07-12
Can Sheaf Time.

Grant county has been the trial ground
Of the new Cap Sheaf wheat Henry
Schuermann, who lives six miles east Of
jefferson. has about . acres of this new
variety; being short of cattle feed last
fall he turned his stock on this field Of
wheat two weeks before the hard wheat
would do 10 pasture and never took his
stock of until the 9th Of April, but with
the heavy pasturing he thinks it will
make IS bushels per acre. or bushels
per acre more than his Turkey wheat.
The grain is almost round with three or
four grains to the mesh and an average
Of 90 grains 20 the head
He viii SOW nothing else but the Cap
Sheaf this fall as he is fully satisfied that
it is much better variety than the
Turkey wheat, such as is raised here. II
pays TO exchange varieties occasionally.
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1903-07-12
Er.sk Character Of eroneho.

The Happy Homes Of Cherokee tets
a story Of a broncho which sptly Illus
.raies the nature OF these animals 2
the prairie. Keilar OF Cherokee was the
victim The joke on him happened a
good while ago. when he was a broncho
buster
His employer. pointing ont a pony. tod
hin, TO feel free 20 rtde II whenever
wishing 10 visit over the neiehborhood-
ore Sunday he decided TO visit relative
about three miles distant ard thought
riding would BE- better than waking
After many difficulties re succeeded n
putting the saddle on the ~critter" and
started 20 mount Then occurred TIRE
lightning presto chauge-he mounted first
the horse ard thea the ground Esssliy
the horse became tired ard permitted hin
to mount and ride away He says -
never saw q more meek creature than
that animal Wzs going that three naises
After arriving az his destination be would
not dEsuouzt, but sat On tie horse al
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1903-07-12
$50 Chickens Stolen.

One of the largest and probably the
greatest chicken burglary in the state,
Is reported from Greenwood county by
the Herald. Thieves stole 460 chickens
of all sizes. ages and description from
the Mitchell farm two and half miles
east of Eureka. Mrs. Mitchell two weeks
ago owned upwards of $50 chicks but
when she surveyed her flock one morn
ing last week, she discovered three fourths
Of them We're missing. The county Off
Gals were not notified OF the loss for
several days and all hopes of apprehend-
ing the guilty party were blighted The
day prior TO the theft Mr.. Mitchell had
contracted with local poultry dealer for
the sale of the entire flock.
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1903-07-12

covered that hens have imagination and
that their imagination may be put 10
great financial investment by one who
understands hens and finances. The dis
covers of this wonderful trait Of female
fowls are Fred Wolf and Clarence Bar
ker
The success of the scheme lies in a pat
ent hens nest The hen lays an egg in
this nest and the egg Immediately dis
appears. Then the hen lays another;
sometimes two or three more. They keep
this up for a while until it becomes
second nature, and then the patent nest
is turned over TO another hen that seems
TO be of a creGuious turn of mind.
Having decided upon this ideal, the
fancier starts his strain, picking from
each brood the most perfect specimens,
gradually working toward this ideal
through generation after generation. 1t
is a sort of partnership arrangement with
nature; the fancier attends 10 the nests
and sees that they are properly cared
for while ina gination does the rest.
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1903-07-12
Beautiful Little Ode.

The Leavenworth Times prints seven
teen verses OF poetry which Il claims was
written by the probate judge OF that
county. Laurens Hawn. n is not poem
az passion. but one which viii bring the
tears to the eyes Of every reader. fog y
calls UP memories Of ,he past and reali-
cations Of the present. Prepare 20 weep:
The chigger. the chisger. although no
bigger
Than the point OF the smallest pin.
Seems 10 your eyes an elephant in size.
As he punctures your quivering skin.
He seeks not your sore. but continues TO
bore.
To the utmost depths OF his power.
And the bump that he raises. smarts like
blazes.
And tortures your walking hours.
With imprecations dire. you scratch at
the fire
The chlgger has left on your skin,
But the bump only grows and becomT4
red as a rose.
With increasing torture where the ehig-
ger went in.
Why should this mite, with apparent de-
light.
Torture US poor mcrtals so?
when 10 puncture the mesh OF your quiy
erinS flesh
Is death to the chigger you know.
O. what relief IL would bring. from the
pain and the sting.
Caused by his torturing powers.
II he could be content 10 remain. in his
proper domain
Amid the grass and the beautiful
flowers.
The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1903-07-12

An amusing lnciaeut occurred q; va
tonga recently during the progress - a
dance The Republican relates TIRE facts.
A lively dance vas g. progress ard
arnonz the spectators who hsd Esccee5s8
ia getting ihsir opfi1a unt@T The canvas
enclosing Ire dancing plzsforra were peo-
pie % various nztseraiifies s1.5 ooleFs-
TIE In6la- pre-scrnlr-sfes sifh ~ srasii
boy san1vlched between gusf a. ths
dzncerr we're Eetlinr down 70 hufi-sss
to the tune ofthe MonsY Musk fss sap-
ports case way and eswn casss TIE plat
fo-rr wlfh craFh Ths csnes-a fssf 20
esch other arms ard fhs Esers4fsYs
rolied cst freru uuSer ~ tx1f Ike ga
oesan save ~ - penhsT eesrh y -
rsires ao-.s flzss foT a. rrrflsY ersw1
20 faeeorne sxLrlzafef FfpT 80 ssfz1F1e-
rieuf order WzR anaay tsff1raf 80 r'af-
fr-rz repaired ard tse ssre@rE PRECEDED
ss,h a. sazch Tln - before 80 raishae