The Hawaiian gazette. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1865-1918, 1903-10-30
Complete External and Internal Treatment for Every Humuur
SNOWY SLOPES DON'T PLEASE
THE PEOPLE OF HONOLULU

Editor Advertiser: Being stranger
tourist advertisement that you pub
lished this morning. Not only has
it interested but also amused, and
amused the more and more l have read
it. I am afraid that the advertisement
writer of Hawaii is overtaxing some
what the practical matter of-fact East
ern mind when he depicts to "all wor-
thy people" how your Snowy slopes"
exhibit 1.-The perpetual gladness of ver-
nal life" The idea of a perennial con-
cert" may be good advertising
scheme, presumably an outdoor concert
is Intended. though 1t Is difficult for
practical business man like myself to
grasp any ideas of harmonic strains
that must tunefully emanate from a
"fruiting and towering in perennial
with two bits admission money in my
pocket when the great "fruiting and
Towering" orchestration is fully wound
up and started Oh the journey Of its
perennial concert"
No wheezy round from q merrygo-
round,
But flowers ar fruit from harmony's
lutte.
But even in my idle vacation days I
cannot resist the vast business oppor-
off n
your "tncture of the sea-" Why, sir.
there are millions in IT.! How Is 1t that
Hawaii has not previously developed
an enterprising spirit to garner the
golden coins? "Tincture of the seal"
A fortune, nay fortunes in it,!
Mr.. Editor, am already designing
roomy and robust containers to carry
your tincture of the sea to the main
land. l IN in cable communication
as to freight rates for n dozen ships
are needed to convey thousands Of gal
Ions of the Pacific Ocean to cure all the
Ills and pangs of outrageous fortune
that suffering humanity is heir to.
Half ounce bottles of Hawaii's tine
ture of the sea" for twenty-five cents!
The greatest cure-all of the twentieth
century. Cures rheumatism. lumbago,
sciatica. Bright disease, heart trou-
bles, brain fever, diabetes and pips in
hens. Never known to fail. Cases
given up by the doctors have been
quickly and ,--oroughly cured by Ha-
waits "t!rcture of the sea-" Ten
drops in a teaspoonful of water. Shake
the bottle II you like salty flavor.
Mr.. Editor, and people of Hawaii.
you have a marvel in your midst and
seem to know 1t not. A man who can
concoct and sling together the slush
contained in the Introductory sentences
of your latest tourist advertisement
would make fortune in Chicago as a
barker" for a Casino or music hall.
All he would need Is a slight English
accent and a m"nocle In his ocular.
/ subscribe myself, sir, from
SMOKY PITTsBURG.
SNOW AS A TROPICAL ASSET.
Editor Advertiser: You are right
about snowy slopes. What do the
ice-bound Fasteners seek the tropics
for warmth or cold? Are they trying
to get away fror' heat up North so as
to find frost 'earer the equator? Is
that their idea? Think of Southern
California, whic' sdvertises perpetual
summer" and June in January" dec
Grating their advertisements with
picture of the desolate, snow-ridged
summit of Mount Whitney! People
over there. If they fear Hawaii as "A
rival resort. will take great JOY in
our methods of advertising.
The best thing ever written of Ha-
wall is Mark Twain's prose poem. Is
there anything about snow In 1t? II
there were, wouldn't 1t spoil the whole
thing?
Even II people were inclined to leave
oregon and Minnesota and New York
and come here for snow they would be
fooled. There is no snow here and
there is none in the Territory which !
tourists can see from the Honolulu
hotels at which they will put up. Yet
1t is to be inferred from our advertls-
ing that the man on the roof garden