davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1903-05-22
look or say goodbye TO me. He was
the last passenger aboard.

look or say goodbye TO me. He was
the last passenger aboard.
And this 10 where John made his
second mistake. for II he had turned
to look he would have seen hanson
cab tearing down the pier with two
women frantically waving their hand.
kerchiefs. AS it was he only turned
to wave goodbye when he had reached
the upper deck. Then his hand sud.
denly dropped as he leaned over the
railing, gazing with look Of utter
and helpless establishment on Mrs.
and Miss Ericsson, who were in vain
imploring everybody around them to
stop the steamer that was now gliding
slowly out Of its berth into the river
with John and the baggage.
And so 1t happened that being left
behind with me they made the best
of it till the sailing Of the next steam.
er, with the result that when John
received them on the other side the
fair Marguerite wore a new ring as
splendid as l had been able to pur.
chase with the remainder of my vaca.
ton money.
don't believe John ever forgave
me, for 1t was his firm conviction that
the failure of his fine scheme was
mainly my fault, and that I caused
him to lose this last chance in the
matrimonial lottery. as he was pleased
to call it.-Christopher Shadow in
New York Times.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1903-05-22
CAUGHT IN A PATROL BOX.
Policeman Was Too Fat to Perform q
Part of His Duty.


Stout policemen have their troubles
not the worst of which is running af
ter small boys. Policeman James
Treston of police station No. G last
night wished he was several pounds
lighter. When he made his usual call
to the station-house at $3.50 o'clock he
entered the call box at Highland and
Penn avenue. He opened the door and
then stepped inside. Mr.. Treston has
somewhat more than his share OF
avoirdupois and he comfortably filled
the box.
The telephone hung on the wall di.
rectly opposite the door and when
Treston was busily engaged in telling
the house sergeant that all was well
on his beat he did not see the wind
close the door on him. He heard the
click of the lock, however, and then
turned or rather tried to turn-to sec
what had happened. But he could not
get around, the door was securely
locked and he fitted the box like the
proverbial sardine.
What was to be done? He couldn't
turn around to open the door. so he
pounded against the tin wall of the
box. This drew crowd of spectators,
but they were powerless to assist him.
They had no key. Then happy
thought struck Treston. He rang up
the station-house again and explained
his predicament. Amid the hearty
laughter Of the house sergeant he
asked that man be sent down with
key to let him out. Fifteen minutes
later he stepped from the box in the
middle Of a crowd of laughing men,
women and children. He was hot, per.
spring and angry, but he went back
to his beat.-Pittsburg Gazette.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1903-05-22
Could Afford a Better One.

"Of course you have a genealogical
tree?" suggested the caller.
ooh, yes" replied the hostess, care.
lessly. But we don't think much of
it,"
"You don't care much for such
things, perhaps?"
ooh, 1t isn't that, but this don't
seem to be much good"
Mot complete enough, possibly"
st goes pretty near back to Adam,
II that's what you mean," returned
the hostess, 'but there amt enough
kings and queens in it to suit me.
Why, only this morning l told John
to take 1t back and tell the man that
got it up that we can afford whole
lot better one than that."-Brooklyn
Eagle
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1903-05-22
Where People Refuse to Die.

Probably the healthiest place in the
world is the district of Santa Cruz, in
the mountains of Jamaica. Centena-
rians are as common as skyscrapers
in New York, and the solitary doctor
ekes out an impecunious existence by
mending broken legs and attending
hypochondriacs.
i've only nine patients just now,
he told tourist recently. "Their
combined ages amount to 761 years.
Not one of them is really i'll, but they
all fancy they are, and, Of course,
don't discourage the delusion. I'm
fortunately, people can't get ill here.
no matter how hard they try. They
can only die of old age or broken
neck. The climate il perfect"
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1903-05-22
BE INDEPENDENT.
It's Easy to Shake of the Coffee
Habit.

It's Easy to Shake of the Coffee
Habit.
There are many people who make
the humiliating acknowledgment that
they are dependent upon Coffee to
"brace them up" every little while
These have never learned the truth
about Postum Cereal Coffee which
makes leaving OF coffee simple
matter and brings health and
strength in place of coffee ills. A
lady of Davenport, Iowa, who used
Postum Food Coffee for five years is
competent to talk upon the subject
She says:
81 am a school teacher and during
extra work when thought l needed
to be braced up l used to indulge in
rich, strong coffee of which I was
very fond and upon which l thought
l was dependent.
81 began to have serious heart pal
pitation and at times had sharp
pains around the heart and more or
less stomach trouble. read about
Postum and got some to try. drop
ped coffee. took up the Postum and
1t worked such wonders for me that
many of my friends took 1t up.
"In short time I was well again,
even able to attend evening socials.
And l did not miss my coffee at all.
Now can truthfully say that I have
been repaid fully for the change
made. I have no indications of heart
disease and not once in the past four
years have I had sick headache or
bilious spell.
my father, IS years old, is q Pos.
tum enthusiast, and feels that his
good health in large measure is due
to the cups of good Postum which
he enjoys eac:l day." Name furnished
by Postum Co., Battle Greek, Mich.
There Is
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1903-05-22
rHE X. c. 8. ALMANAC FOR 1908.

The Kansas City Southern Railways
Almanac for 1908 is now ready for dis
tribution. Farmers, stock-raisers.
fruit-growers, truck gardeners. manu-
facturers, merchants and others seek
ing q new field OF action or new
home at the very lowest prices, can OBJ
tain reliable information concerning
Southwestern Missouri. the Cherokee
and Choctaw Nations in the Indian
Territory, Western Arkansas. Eastern
Texas, Northwestern Louisiana and the
Coast country, and or the business OPP
portunities offered therein.
Write for copy of the X. G. s. Al
manac and address. s. G. Warner. G..
P. A.. X. c. S. Ry.. Kansas City. Mo.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1903-05-22
Tn. Sou, Of the Elephant.

Elephants will actually die from
nervous upset or shock. There Is an
Indian saying that an elephant has a
double heart. That is an Oriental
way of stating that 1t is an emotional
creature, and that though 1t keeps
these feelings severely repressed in
general, when it does give way to
nerves, grief or fear its huge body
becomes absolutely enslaved to the
mental condition and very possibly
succumbs.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1903-05-22
ALTON RESUMES rAoT ST. LOUIS
TRAIN SERVICE.

Passengers destined to st. Louis
and points east should go via the Kan
sas City gateway, thereby securing
the advantage Of the Chicago & Atoms
fast night train, leaving Kansas City
at 8 .. M, arriving in st. Louis at 7:0S
a. m. Chair cars free Of extra charge.
Compartment sleeping cars. The AL.
ton keeps their light a'shining just
ahead OF the rest Write to l.. d.
Cooper, Travelling Passenger Agent,
Chicago & Alton Railway, Kansas City.
Mo-. for lowest rates
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1903-05-22

ment in the society columns Of the
local paper announcing the engage
ment of Miss Klemmeyer to Mr.. Larry
Jenkins, son of the millionaire lumber
merchant, thus bringing these big for
tunes and first families in still closer
touch, etc. Poor John came home
with his heart apparently blown to
bits, only to begin again few weeks
later to cast his eyes around for
some one to solder the pieces Of his
heart together.
So it went on until one day his skill
his engineering skill, was rewarded
and he was sent to Europe on big
and important mission. 1t was when
he was about to engage his passage
that brilliant idea struck him. II
made him so excited that he could
hardly refrain from telling me, but
he did not-then, and for once | was
at sea- unable to make heads or tails
Of him. In the evening he got into
his glad rags and started out, saying
that he was going to call at the Eric
sons, who had fine house on Peak
avenue.
The upshot of 1t was that not many
days later the society columns an
announced that Mrs. Ericsson, with her
charming daughter Marguerite, who
had made her debut that winter, would
go abroad on the Auguste Victoria.
Just below 1t was stated that Mr..
John kingsland had also booked pas
sage on that steamer. Then it sudden
ly dawned on me what Johns scheme
was. With the charming Marguerite
all to himself on shipboard, no rivals
near, and the mother agreeable, he
would WOO and win her then and
there, and perhaps marry her before
they returned home.
The time came for the departure,
and as / had vacation just then
decided to see John off, though l am
afraid that he was not overjoyed to
have me along. We met Mrs. Ericsson
and her fair daughter in New York,
and while John attended to the tick
cIo anu lHo pd56d6c looh INC AouASS
to see few of the sights.
The night before the sailing John
impressed his travelling companions
with the necessity Of being on hand
bright and early at 9 o'clock, as the
steamer was due to sail at 10 a. m
Right here is where John made his
first mistake He had made his cal.
citations carelessly, and an error had
sneaked in, for as we found out later
the steamer did not sail at 10 o'clock,
but at 9. When we got to the dock
just a minute or two after 9 o'clock
they had put the last piece Of baggage
on board, and John, for fear of being
left behind, and have his fair Marguer-
tie sail away without him, ran up the
gangplank without even turning TO
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1903-05-22
What He Took to Her.

"And so your divorced husband mar
r;ed again last night, did he?" asked
Jacksonville lady of her housegirl.
"Y-a-a-s nam, he done fool anudder
oman. l tell her she better leave dat
niger be, but she wouldn't hear to
me-" as he going to take a bridal
tour?' asked the lady. Take bride
to'er? Don't know bout dat, nam,
but does know dat he took battling
stick to me."-Florida Times-Union.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1903-05-22
Iowa Farms 81 Per Acre Cash,
Nance u crop till paid. MULHALL. Sioux City, 4
The EnuIish LANGUAGE.

So far from there being any real
danger of the deflement of the Ian
guage by the profusion of Criticisms
and Americanisms. Of Canadianisms
and Australianisms, Of New leland
isms-if such exist. as no doubt they
do-English is really the most fortu-
nate of all modern tongues In that 1t
has so many sources Of refreshment.
so varied, so remote from each other.
-Brander Matthews In Harper's
Magazine.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1903-05-22
Lots of Old Uniforms.

One OF the big problems now before
the quartermasters department at
Washington is the best and most
economical method to supply the
army with the new regulation uni
form of green cloth and at the same
time prevent the loss of the $4,000
900 worth of supplies OF the old-style
uniform now on hand.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1903-05-22
Live Lion for Model,

In order to have model for the two
lions in marble which will be placed
In front Of the Feldherrnhalle in Num-
ich. near the residence, the Academy
Of Arts has imported live lion from
Africa. The marble lions are the gift
OF the late Matthias Pschorr, the we'll
known brewer. and will cost about 49,
900 marks ($9,520).
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1903-05-22
Our Burden-Bearer.

The little sharp vexations,
And the briars that catch and fret.
Why not take all to the Helper
Who never has failed us yet?
Tell Him about the heartache,
And tell Him the longings, too;
Tell Him the baffied purpose
When we scarce know what to do.
Then. leaving all our weakness
With the One divinely strong,
Forget that we bore the burden,
And carry away the song.
Phillips Brooks
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1903-05-22
His Last Chance"

testify. Besides, are you sure she
would have your"
At this last shot Of mine John SEEM
ed insulted. mumbled something about
idiots and blockheads-which had
thought Of saying, but was too kind to
and went off to drown his sorrow In
a glass of soda water at the fashion
able drug store where he would be
sure to meet some of the girls. A few
days later there was a big announce
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1903-05-22
ssn.Itlxe Heat Measurers.

The astronomer has heat-measuring
devices that can detect infinitesimal
variations OF temperature and indicate
the heat of stars distant millions of
miles from our earth, and chemical
compounds sensitive to light that our
eyes never can see.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1903-05-22
The phonooraph In Literature.

s"S 'S'~S' ef'' w
The phonograph Is being used for
literary purposes by up-to-date au-
thors. The initial cost Of good
phonograph is about $75, and of an
inferior one $25. A cylinder can be
procured for rs cents. 1t can be
shaved twenty times. and as 1t will
take 800 words. an author can get
records of 5000 words at the tritiing
cost OF Is cents for material.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1903-05-22
Must Label Horse Sausage.

The canton OF Geneva has recently
passed a law which makes 1t compul-
sorry that butchers who sell horse
sausages must wrap them up In blue
paper. so as to avoid confusion. The
butchers are In high dudgeon. and
have complained to the federal au'
thorities that the new law interferes
with the freedom of commerce.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1903-05-22

Linotype for All Kinds Of Work.
A double-magazine linotype machine
now on the market enables the oper-
ator to set complicated advertising
matter and any ordinary book page
without rising from the keyboard.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1903-05-22

A Baltimore man claims to have
the original death warrant Of Charles
I. of England. 1t Is written on thin
parchment, but has the misfortune to
be dated Jan. "a. 1913. while Charles
I. was not beheaded until Jan. 80, l649.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1903-05-22

Don't you know that Defiance
Starch besides being absolutely supe-
rior to any other, is put up 16 ounces
in package and sells at same price
as bounce packages Of other kinds?
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1903-05-22

Professor Popular With Students.
Prof. George e. Woodberry of the
department of comparative literature
of Columbia University has been elect
ed for the fifth consecutive year the
most popular professor at that institu-
ton by the vote of the senior class.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1903-05-22

German Customs Tariff Decree.
The new German customs tariff pre-
scribes that on entering goods the i'm
porter shall make declaration as to the
country of origin.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1903-05-22

At sale of the medals, orders and
diplomas Of Blondin, the tight rope
walker. in London recently, a gold
medal and chain, with diploma, award
ed to him for crossing the Niagara In
1853, went for 500.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1903-05-22

Hundreds Of dealers say the extra
quantity and superior quality of De-
fiance Starch Is fast taking place Of
all other brands. Others say they
cannot sell any other starch.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1903-05-22

her parents. i am afraid I could not
stand her parents"
what have they got to do with 1t
except to give their blessing?"
'There's just the rub! l don't think
they could say it dramatically. You
see, the old man was nothing but an
ordinary cobbler, and l don't believe
he can sign his name to his checks"
Z "Oh, see-of course that is an OBJ
lection. But why not make him give
you cash?"
"Now don't be an ass. What I'm
afraid Of is that they Will jar on
everybody know, and, WELL. you
know what that would mean"
"Then the only advice can give
is don't marry her." ! replied rather
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1903-05-22
Qura In Too Rouuh.

Football, not the American college
game. but the English game. is to be
taught to the French soldiers. The
sport has proved popular In the regi.
ments In which 1t has been introduced.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1903-05-22
1hI. WIlI Interest Mothers.

Mother Gray's Sweet Powders for Child
rem, used by Mother Gray, q nurse in
Children's Home, New York, Cure Fever
ishness, Bad Stomach, Teething Disorders,
Worms. Sold by all Druggists, 25c. Sample
FREE, Address A. S. Olmsted, Leroy, NY.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1903-05-22

Nearing Haif-Century Limit.
Sir Thomas Shaughnessy Of the Can
adian Pacific railroad will soon DO so
years of age. He began his railway
career In Chicago.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1903-05-22
We Don't Believe Il.

An Atchison girl of 20 refuses to
have a looking glass in her room.
Subject for debate by the Lancaster
literary society: Is she handsome or
homely?-Atchison Globe.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1903-05-22
Honor for RETIRING Officer,

When Gen. Ludington retired from
the quartermaster's department Of the
United States army he received from
the officers who served under him a
gold and silver loving cup.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1903-05-22

Lewis" Single Binder straight SC cigar.
No other brand of cigars is so popular with
the smoker. He has learned to rely upon
its uniform high quality. Lewis Factory,
Peoria, Ill.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1903-05-22

Some men never discover that they
are on the wrong tack until they sit
down on 1t.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1903-05-22

Many mans popularity is due to
an attempt to wear a misfit mantle Of
greatness.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1903-05-22
Sensible Housekeepers

will have Defiance Starch, not alone
because they get one-third more for
the same money, but also because OF
superior quality.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1903-05-22

Samson might have escaped with his
hair had not that female barber talked
him to sleep.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1903-05-22

Iam sure Piso's Cure for Consumption saved
my life three years ago.-Mrs. THos. RoBBIHs'
Maple Street, Norwich. N Y. Feb. II. 100
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1903-05-22

That man who Is always complain
ing must be awfully tiresome to HIM
self
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1903-05-22

Southern Cotton Industry.
The cotton spinners OF the South
used last year 334.415 bales. almost as
much as the New England mills.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1903-05-22

To Cure a Cold in Ono day.
Take Laxative Bromo Quinine Tablets. An
druggists refund money II 1t fails to cure. 25c.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1903-05-22

DON'T SPOIL YOUR CLOTHES.
Use Red Cross Ball Blue and keep them
white as snow. All grocers. &c. q package.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1903-05-22

Look for this Trade Mark: 1.-THE Klean, Kool
Kitchen Kind" The stoves without smoke,
ashes or heat. Make comfortable cooking.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1903-05-22

Many man who prays for his daily
bread kicks if he doesn't get pie for
dessert.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1903-05-22

You can never tell what kind OF
stunt woman or a balky horse Will
do next.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1903-05-22
Can Read Print at Twenty Miles.

A searchlight OF 1O0.000-candle
power will render print visible at I
distance Of twenty miles. The expert.
ment has been tried from the top Of
Mount Washington.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1903-05-22

One trouble with some men is that
their upper and lower lips so seldom
meet
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1903-05-22

Many who marry in haste repent In
the divorce court.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1903-05-22
It's Up to You

to grasp the good things that come
your way. Read up on the money
making possibilities in Missouri, Kan
sas, Indian Territory, and Texas. Let
us send you Business Chances"
Timely Topics" Texas" "The
Golden Square" and other interesting
katy" publications pertaining to the
Great Southwest. Address
Katy" sol Wainwright, st. Louis, Mo.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1903-05-22

Happy is the suburban dweller who
is the general manager Of small gar
den
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1903-05-22

You cant blow your own horn unless
you are able to raise the wind.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1903-05-22

The Garden Of Eden was good
enough until Eve got secret which
she had to go out TO tell.
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1903-09-23
TELEGRAPHIC NEWS.
Efforts for Peace.


ConstantinOple, Sept 20. The min
listers of the powers in ConstAntinople,
are in almost continuous conference with
the Sultan at the Yildiz Kiosk The
fact is taken to have a most favorable
significance as bearing on the Balkan
situation. 1t is said the conferences
have as their object the working out OF
some scheme for the early pacifcation of
the disturbed districts. One report has
it that the present plan under advise
ment is the appointment OF a mixed
commission to carry out reforms and
temporarily, at least, satisfy the demands
of bulgaria. and eliminate that party
from the trouble. The situation, how
ever. is still regarded as dangerous, as
none of the schemes yet proposed take
into account the insurgents, who refuse
to accept half measures.
Vienna, Sept 23.-The correspondent
of Die Zeit at Kirk-Kilissa, in eastern
Turkey, says the authorities of the dis
trict have distributed arms to the Mo
hammedans declaring that the powers
have given the Sultan carte blanche,
and ordering them to exterminate the
Bulgarian inhabitants. Fifty villages,
he adds, have been destroyed. AT
Evkarion the Mohammedans pillaged
church. Drunken soldiers later pa
raded the streets in the priests vest
ments. Many of them captured women
and girls and took them to the Turkish
camps.
The Constantinople correspondent at
Die Zeit wires that the Turkish Minis
ter of War has directed the troops in
Monastir to be transported to Adriano-
pie for concentration on the Bulgarian
frontier, with orders to take the offensive
| if necessary.
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1903-09-23
The odd Fellows.

Baltimore, Sept. 23.-Ten thousand
Odd Fellows are marching through the
city's streets while the cheers of 100, 900
people are ringing in their ears. Over a
route of above five miles, they marched
through mass of people and beneath
arches of welcome and waving flags.
The parade was considered to be one OF
the greatest if not the greatest IN the
history of the order in point of numbers,
and reception. There was rush OF
people to the Fifth Regiment Ar
mory this morning to witness the con-
tinuation of the drill contest, but were
disappointed because Glass b. con-
ssting of Canton, Altoona, Pa, and
Canton Atlanta, Atlanta, Ca, fail
ed to present themselves for inspection,
and they were barred from the compe-
tition. The day has been devoted al
most exclusively to the parade. At
o clock tonight there will be an exem-
plilication of the Rebekah degree, and
at Q o'clock there will be a Patriarch .;
Militant reception and ball at the Fifth
Regiment Armory, complimentary tC
all chevaiers in uniform and their la
dies, and a dress parade and concert by
the bands.