davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1903-11-20

- - -

Knee and Hand.
An Iowa traveller named Knee in
iured his hand. Another knight whose
name is Hand. stepped from street
car and injured his knee They net
the other day and this is what they
said:
Knee, what's the matter with your
handg"
cut my hand. Hand. what's The
matter with your kmeeZ"
Sprafned my knee. Kneei"
And then the hotel clerk fnterfered-
* X "
An Iowa man told the city council
he was too heavy 70 work poll tax and
asked 70 De exempt because he vas
liable 70 sunstroke. The council CON
promised By buying him a snow shovel
and assigning him 70 active duty az
the frst fan Of ''the beautiful"
* X X
In Russia, kissing IN public IS pro
hfbited The perpetuation OF cur
parks forbids any such drastic legs
laffon "a America
- ~ ~
A Michigan editor adTertises for
grapes on Subscription Il win Be cid
enough to drink b. Christmas
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1903-11-20
GETS A MILLION BY FRAUDS.

Albert z. Bell, Escaped Mail Pouch
Thief, Secures Big Fortune.
Albert E Bell, the mail pouch thief
and fOrger, who escaped from Phila-
delphia police officers as he was being
brought TO the city for trial, is sup
posed to have secured at least 81 ,0OO,-
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1903-11-20

The cork leg trust is going to raise
prices, and the man who has neglect
ed to get his cork leg is up a stump.
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1903-11-20

Mr.. Balfour has succeeded in find
ing quite lot Of gentlemen who had
never been heard Of before, anyway.
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1903-11-20

King Alfonso has started on an
other wife hunt through the tea gar
dens and golf jungles Of Europe.
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1903-11-20

The war IN the Balkans has been
postponed on account Of the weather.
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1903-11-20

The faculty Of Carroll college has
tabOOed football, thus reducing by
one the number Of our educational in.
situations.
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1903-11-20

n. his efforts to crush sin Mr. DoEie
has made - mistake ia locating its
RENDEZVOUS II he cant ind what he
watts in. New York it VIII be useless
for him to look for L elsewhere. e
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1903-11-20

OF course, the bride is sweet
enough to eat, but she would be a
pretty expensive meal if the dressing
is included
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1903-11-20

That Denver man who broke the
worlds record by dressing a steer in
three minutes and twenty-three sec
onds. must have dressed it in q
Mother Hubbard. He could hardly
have put six stockings and burtOned
Shoes on the animal in that time.
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1903-11-20

Some people ind it just as hard to
decline invitations as others do to get
them.
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1903-11-20

Lucky is the girl who can get the
too
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1903-11-20
KANSAS

The Lord lOveth a cheerful loser.
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1903-11-20

THE CASTLES I LOVE BEST"
j sit and dream conteuted
While night bugs bunEle by
Alas ~ hen morn has WaEened
The earth 20 ferEenr toll
NY castles tall are missing
With gold and CLINT and fol1
But nighttime finds me dreaming
When shadows climb the slope
For while there's life there's pleasure
IN love and dreams and hopel
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1903-11-20
-. - Ran.Ins 80.

The banking capital OF New YORK
city has been doubled within Eve
years.
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1903-11-20
- ~ ~

Babcock'S olive Dish.
/ The last newspaper form had fallen
\ into the Jaws Of the great perfecting
/ press. when Babcock left the ONCE
/ with an idle hour in prospect
! Down in Madison street he passed
an auction joint Being q student OF
/ sociology. the newspaper man entered
/ Inside there was an appearance OF
\ what a slangist might term easy
\ money" with no "cavil on the ninth
I part Of hair. !" as Shakespeare puts IL
After our hero had seen a ruthless
/ slaughter OF be-silvered and be-ebonied
/ toilet articles and other boudoir brio
| a-brac. he opened his arms 10 oppor-
tunity and bid 25 cents on "a pretty.
| dainty. prismatic. cut-glass olive dish"
And sold" snapped the crier 50
/ promptly that BabcOck blinked his
way TO a realization OF his purchase
through a chaDarral Of mazei
Gentleman right over there" added
the auctiOneer to the cash boy
Babcock handed a 81 bill % the be-
anu took one hasJy look at his pur
Il chase.
Pressed glass;" ne commented in
audibly, marked down from 15 cents
on any bargain counter IN the city,"
And he snickered at the thought OF
a city newspaper man being a sucker
in his own baili-wick.
Beware OF the man who offers you
something for almost nothingl" had
been mis- motto always, but now -
Here's yer change, mister" inter
rupted the boy.
BabcOck reached and clasped-!ii
What was that2 Yes, S2-25i
@Thanksi" he said mentally, and
with the olive dish under his arm. he
walked away whistling. the dish and
% cents to the good"
When he reached home he sealed
the bargain by kissing HIS wife and
telling her, sub rosa that not even a
city auctiOneer can get the better OF
2 dyed-in-the-wOol newspaper Bohe-
mian-
~ - -
Peter Cooper had ifty-dVe years OF
domestic happiness and morning fire.
building Mr.. Cooper was an ingenious
man. When a cradle became neces-
sary in his home. as was sometimes
the case years ago. Peter rugged a self
rocking table. with q fan attachment
Afterward he patented me device and
sold the patent There were many op-
pOrtunities in those days."
- - ~
There may be some who win doubt
this, knowing that a baby, IN forty
years gets too old 20 be trundled. but
the skeDtical are assured that in those
days il was considered an fat TO have
more than one baby 70 a fanfIy-and
ten some OF the babies 10 trundied
we're his grandchildren. This lets Us
out with a reputation for compatibility
with facts, anyhow
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1903-11-20
What the Man Did.

= IS
There is as much difference in WON
en- as in smoking tobacco. Some OF
them make the home attractive. others
make it obstructive. One woman viii
create a heaven, where a man cannot
spend enough time; another viii make
a he'll where he gets dyspepsia hurry
ing through his meals TO free himself
OF it's sickening influence. There's a
heap Of difference in women. my boy.
Be careful when you pick one blind
5oldedI
50
Owing 70 the great losses in stocks
his fall many formerly afflicted PEG
pie do not have the hay fever
50
The Voice CT Woman
Oh womam- lovely woman
Fair and pretty as the rose
50 fun Of Eaucy ways and Whlus
Prom curly locks 20 toe
We love thee and we love thee.
And We love thee all some more
We love thee. every one OF you.
Alone and By the score
You make mans lie worth living
Though you bring his sorru1Ess too
on earth Without your Charming WlWs.
what would the male sex doz
On woman IcTely woman
Tou who loEl Us Edeu's bliss.
We bring thee fragrant flowers sweet
All damp with dew-Wet kiEsl
Somehow we can't forget thee
or get thee on our mind
your voice Ike music-uThiEDerE.
Cones stealing on the wind
IL asks Us fuu OF passion
I'VE can't refuse you thaD
FOR fortF-Eeren collars
TO buy a winter hat.
> =
Bad as Usual
@Ah," cried the man, how are
thingsg7
bad. replied the other. as he con
timed putting pink gauze On the top
On the fruit baskets.
= y -
The frost may be on the pumpkin.
but it's not on the pumpkin pie.
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1903-11-20

arching yucca is famous for its curious
form Nobody watched il grow; AL
that is known about II is that it has
two roots, its great stalk or trunk de
scribing a graceful arch, rotted firmly
into the ground at each end.
At the top Of the arch a great
branch, like an extended arm. shoots
forth as If pointing out the way. The
arch is 50 high that a taIly-ho coach
could easily pass under it
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1903-11-20
JOSEPH NORTH.
BOOtblack with one leg.
City Hall Park,
New York City.

There is a bOOtblack whose stand IS
near the rear entrance Of the city hall,
and be has lost a leg.
rs your name Joseph North -
asked a letter-carrier.
Sure" rerlied the sinner.
well. here's a letter for you said
the pOstman- And Il was
The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1903-11-20

The frost NAV be on the pumpkin,
but it's not on the pumpkin pie.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1903-08-28

Cotman's wants your trade. =
|. Dan Chute returned from bust
ness trip to slayton Tuesday even
ing: ,
Born-On Wednesday August 2e
to Mr.. and Mrs. Aug. Anderson a
boy. :.
O. W. Freeman of Adrian, was
doing business in Worthington
Tuesday,. -.+. -.
Or. Walker was called to-. Ashton
Tuesday evening to assist in an
operation.
Mrs. j. S. Frink left Tuesday
evening for few days visit with
friends and relatives at Luvene.
E. W. Cutler has the contract to
lay a cement sidewalk in front of
the Episcopal church and will
begin the work as soon as the
weather will permit.
Mrs. A. N. and Mrs. Il. N. Doug
lass entertained = number Of their
Lady friends at their homes Tuesday
afternoon. A most pleasurable time
was enjoyed by all.
E. W. Cutler has just finished a
Eve hundred foot cement sidewalk
for Otis Bigelow and Henry Franok
on Eleventh street. Mr.. Cutler is an
artist in this line and whenever he
does job it is complete. in every
particular.
Peter Newman who has been at
death g door for several days at the
home Of his sister Mrs. NJ. Hyland
died Friday afternoon. The funeral
services will take place from the
Catholic Church in this city Sunday
afternoon at s O'Clock.
: A. j. Kannal Of this city received
a letter from his daughter Retta last
SATURDAY., who left here some time
ago on account of her health in
which is stated that she has greatly
improved during her absence and il
she continues will be entirely re-
stored to her former health. This
good news will be welcomed by a
host of her Worthington friends.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1903-08-28

''1''1l
c. L CSlnan lunhs " @. N,
Clinton Mann LETT Friday morn
ling for Glsnwood "a
A. =. Mcintyre left Thursday.
evening TOR Mbley. 4. Wv. ":
E. B. Fsrsyth Of Bigelow was. in.
the city Thursday night. q + IA
Miss Esther Price returned from.
a visit 81 Spirit Lake Friday morn
ing. $5stssst :, >...s 81. @:-. ~ (
". Il. Hitrittsr, Of Bigelew wa& .,
business caller in the city Tuesday
evening. e74 N T@,4. s.srIss.
+. A. Stevens made . bssiaess
trip to Prairie Junction Friday
morning. y - 3d. !
Fred Czandell and family of this
city moved to Dubuque, Iowa.
Thursday. ;''*st-.f"
Mis- Sadie Lewis returned tnem q
pleasant visit with friends in SibIey
Thursday evening. >.G. -. =.
Gotham screens are tn best
made.
Attorney J. A. Town made q
professional visit to Salem q. D.
Thursday evening. #s.s : ;~@.
Miss Ida Clark who visited at
Spirit Lake this week returned
homo Thursday night. ,.%@ -
Mrs. James Mackay and children
are enjoying few days cutting with
relatives in the country this week.
Mrs. Leon Norris and Miss
Gertrude Stuart of Brewster were
in the city Thursday. visiting
friends.
The Misses Clara and noSathy
Feathers of Lismore are guests at
the residence of r. Prideaux in this
city this week.
Mrs. A. E. Caldwell and family
left Tuesday evening for Sioux Falls
where they will make their home
in the future.
Miss PHELPS who has been a guest
of friends in this city a few days
returned to her home in Minnea-
polls Wednesday,. .
Miss Newell a professional nurse
of st. Paul who has been in the city
for a few days returned to her
home Thursday night.
Mrs. G. E. Stonesifer mother and
Mrs L. F. Stonesifer sister Of Ed, of
Chicago are guests at the home of
Ed Stonesifer and wife of this city.
CoIman will try to deserve
your trade =.> -. - -.,-,.~ ~.
Archie Hirt the popular clerk
in tho new department store of this
city has secured position as a
passenger brakeman on the Omaha
road. He begins his labor in his
new field in about month.
R. Prideaux returned home from
Lismore T. thursday evening. He
stated to a reporter of this paper
that the crops in and. around Lis
more and Wilmont were not alto
gether lost. He thinks that some
of the farmers got scared q little too
soon. But between here and there
the fields looked poor, the crops
were practically gone.
While in conversation with Loren
Clark who returned home from
Pillager the A d va n e reporter
was informed that all the old
Worrhington people who moved
there in the past two or three years
are prosperous and happy. Mr.. |
Clark says they do not raise much
grain but potatoes and corn grow
in abundance and the season is just
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1903-08-28

WILL sell or trade clear title
=" lands in Dakota and Kansas,
and money to loan on real eatate -
this county. J. Wolven
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1903-08-28
TX. DARB'Y,

h ones moro bsfore tho public: a.
IN auotioneer. Will CRY all,kiads- Of
sales aud guarantee. Will have
nstes eashed q cheap it not ehssper
Than anyone else. See him. before
securing your auetioneer' for terms
and dates
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1903-07-06
SAN BERNARD1No HAS LOST.
Santa Fe Will Let Contract for Hos
pitaI at Los Angeles.

The following from last evenings Los
Angeles Express will not be relfshed by
some thousands of railroad men in this
city, says the San Bernardino Times-ln-
dex, while the board of trade committee
1t remembers how it loved and lost:
Contracts that will make the proposed
new Santa Fe railway hospital certainty
will be let in a few days. The structure
will occupy a block in Boyle Heights. pur-
chased when property in that section was
much cheaper than it is at present. The
site was secured about three years ago,
and could be sold now for three times the
price paid for it.
Louis and Chicago streets and overlooks
Hollenbeck grounds and Hollenbeck home:
The building will accommodate several
hundred patients and will house all of the
company'S cases between Los Angeles and
San Francisco and Albuquerque. 1t will
be ready for occupancy early next year.
AT present Santa Fe railway patients
are accommodated in the Sisters hos
pital''
There is the possibility that the news
conveyed in the article from the Express
is incorrect, or at least premature. But II
down the petitions from thousands of their
own employees, whose contributions keep
the hospital open and provide with
funds, it will be a queer policy for great
corporation to pursue, and if it turns down
the proffer from the board of trade with
out civil answer, or even Notifying that
organization that its good offices can not
be used, it will be something new in COM
mercial etiquette
Every consideration that ought to- weigh
points to this city as the natural location
for the hospital for Santa Fe men. ex-
cept perhaps the personal predictions of
some of its surgeons. There are more San
ia Fe men here than in all the other sta
lions in the state, and it is the company 8
most important center west of Topeka
That being the case, why its hospital
should be 50 miles away is one of the
mysteries of railroad economy yet to be
fathOmed.
The Santa F'e men in nearly all depart
ments have hoped that the site for the new
hospital would finally be selected here in
San Bernardino, but the probabilities are
| they will have to guess again"
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1903-07-06
aUEssERs AT WORK.
Trying to Pick a Successor for Train
master Dav,

The question of most interest about
the Santa Fe yards and depot at the
present time is regarding the probable
identity of the successor to Trainmas-
ter Day,who steps out next Wednesday,
says the San Bernardino Sun. Four
names are included in the rumors which
always fill vacancies before the officials
have chance to do sowhile it is stated
that an eastern man may be given the
place. The majority of those who
usually guess quite correctly are of the
opinion that the office will be given to
a local man. although the appointment
may not be made Immediately upon MIR.
Days leave taking. If General Super
intendent Shepherd follows out his pol
icy of cutting expenses it may be that
some of the trainmasters duties will
be given over to the dispatcher's office.
OF course, this would not be for all time
but for the summer months.
There is another theory advanced to
the effect that the new trainmaster will
come from the mechanical department.
In the meantime, everyone is trying to
out-guess some one else and the whole
ma tier is ''up in the air."
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1903-07-06
PAoLA TO KANSAS CITY.
Katy Is Surveying New Line for Its
K. G. Terminal.

Kansas City. July 6-Several survey
ing corps are now busy on the Mis-
souri,, Kansas & Texas railroad laying
out a route for the road from Paoia.
Kas., into this city. 1t has long been
a cherished project with the officials of
the road to bring the Katy trains into
Kansas City on the companys own
rails, but circumstances have been such
that it was impossible. Now the mat
ter is regarded as practically settled.
The road is at present running into the
city over the Frisco rails from Paola on
a longtime lease, but this is not sat-
isfactory to either road, because of the
high rental and the heavy freisilt
traffic on the Frisco, which makes it
difficult at times to handle trains.
The route surveyed for the new line
parallels the Frisco tracks from Paola
to Rosedale, and there branches off and
tunnels the hill lying between Rosedale
and the kaw river and joins the Santa
Fe tracks, running over them into the
city The building of the tracks viii
be an expensive undertaking on account
of the tunnel which will be necessary
but the officials of the road assert that
the satisfaction of running over their
own rails and the greater convenience
IN handling trains will more than COM
pensate for the expenditure
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1903-07-06
HAMMOND BURNS.
Main Building of Big Packing
Plant at st. Joe
Destroyed by Fire With Loss of
One and One-haIf Millions.
MUCH MEAT CONSUMED.
CarcasseS of Over 1000 AMI
mails We're Incinerated.
Two Fatalities and Three Per-
sons We're Injured.
MUCH MEAT CONSUMED.

st. Joseph. Mo, July 6.-The main
building of the Hammond packing
plant was destroyed by fire Sunday af-
ternoon. The loss is estimated as high
as IL million dollars. 1t is entirely
covered by insurance. Two men lost
their lives in the flames. One of them
is reported to be Charles Miller, fire
marshal at the plant. Three men were
injured, one of them seriously.
For time the entire stock yards dis
trict was threatened. BY hard work the
Nelson Morris plant, 800 feet north of
the Hammond plant, was saved, and
this saved the Swift plant, which is to
the north of the Nelson Morris build
ing.
The fire started a little after o'clock
By o'clock most of the building was
gone. The greatest danger was at 6
o'clock, when part of the north wall
fell and the fierce flames were shot to-
ward the Nelson Morris building. Tween
ty lines of hose were out on the Nell
son Morris building. Although the
dense smoke was blown against the
big building, the work of the firemen
saved the building. Many of the fire
men were volunteers.
The carcasses of 4,500 hogs, 1900 cat
tie and 500 sheep were burned. Nearly
100000 pounds of oleo were destroyed.
The contents of the smokehouse were
consumed. The entire north building,
measuring 120 by 400 feet and ranging
in height from five to seven STORIES was
burned out. 1t was with the greatest
difficulty that the south building was
saved.
1.-THE origin of the fire is a mystery.
There was no fire in the casing depart
ment in the eastern part of the building,
where the fire started. The flames were
discovered about 2:23 o'clock by Charles
Culles, day Waterman. He gave the
alarm but was soon so overcome by the
smoke that he was almost suffocate ted.
Daniel Smalley, foreman of the car
department, fell from the car sheds on
the north of the building and suffered
serious injury.
The fatalities occurred about o'clock
By that time nearly all the building was
on fire. A man with a hose, said to
have been Miller, was seen at one of the
windows on the north side in the hog
department. He walked back into the
building and a few seconds later those
on the outside heard terrible cries, which
lasted perhaps half minute. The man
did not appear again and is believed to
have been killed.
Two young men who were in the room
and left few minutes before said that
two failed to escape, but they did not
give the names of the men, who were
said to be employees of the company.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1903-07-06
CIRCLED THE EARTH.
Presidents Telegram Made the
Trip in Twelve Minutes.

Oyster Bay, N. Y, July 6.-President
Roosevelt sent the first message to
Governor Taft over the Pacific cable
at 1880 o'clock Saturday night and re-
ceived Governor Taft's reply at 1913
o'clock AT 11:23 O'Clock the president
started his message around the world
to Clarence Mackay.
The presidents message to Clarence
Mackay went by way of San Francisco.
Honolulu and Manila, and was received
here at 11:35 o'clock.
Following is a copy of the telegram
sent around the world by the new
Commercial Pacific cable of the Postal
Telegraph Gable company's system:
"Oyster Bay, N. Y, July 4.-Clarence
Fl. Mackay. President Pacific Cable
Company, Oyster Bay, N. Y: Con-
CALCULATIONS and success to the Pacific
cable, which the genius of your lament
ed father and your own enterprise made
posi- ble.-TEeodOre Roosevelt"
The actual time occupied in handling
the telegram which Travelled total dis
lance of 25,S35 miles was twelve min
uteS.
The answer to President Roosevelt
from Clarence H. Mackay, sent around
the world occupied nine and one-half
minutes, and was as follows:
ITO the President. Oyster Bay:
thank you deeply for your MESA ge,
and I earnestly hope that the Pacific
cable, by opening the wide horizon of
TIE 6ASett cast may pAONC uSCAul Ia
tor to the commerce of the United
States.-Clarence H. Mackay"
General A. w. Greedy, chief of the sig
nal corps, sent the following message
to Governor Taft.
''Fehcitations that Filipino aspira-
tions so happily fostered by you and
your associates politically are today so
emphaticaIly promoted commercially by
connection with the United States
through American enterprise as repre-
scented by Mackay and his associates"
General Greedy also sent a MESA ge