The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1903-11-29

get it so cheap, and de contract is signed:
de Frenchman hands over Panama with
patent de factory and de jury attach
ment, and all join in singing: My Country,
It's Up to Doe; and Mr.. Roosevelt can't
keep from winking de next time he see Mr..
Hanna. OATS de modern way Of doing de
trick. It's higher diplomacy
Finer says Mr.. Paul. Fine as silk. No
more sassy questions from Europe, eh?p
''Oh. as to dat" says whiskers. "a ques-
ton or two, for de form of de ting. Russia
cables over, and says, Hey, Rube, what's
doing?' and we says: If you don't want
your Uncle Sammy messing around Man
churia, don't get fresh wit u.s. Den King
Edward he cables, and we says has he got
noting to do in Egypt, dat he has so much
time to get busy wit us, and Edward he
takes the hint. Perhaps Emperor William
he asks a question, and we says if he has
any time on his hands dat his Congo busi-
ness don't need, we'd like him to advise us
how to run our business. So de concert of
Europe having sung it's little song, goes
back to DER nation taking, and leaves us to
ours Modern diplomacy consists of two
bluffs and one wink"
''All as simple as bon jure!' says Mr..
Paul. 'As de poet fellow says, Because de
good old rule suffices dem-de simple plan,
dat dey should take who have de power,
and dey should keep who cam OATS de
talk! But, sir, If it's all going to be done
witout no fighting, what is de use Of dose
hundred millions for de army and navy
for ever?''
Sometimes" says Whskers, ode fellow
vvb IA fc Gill
to put on de mitts, get into de ring, and
have it out. Human nature is unreasonable,
and will fight just because it links it is get
ting de woist of a bargain
Naughty, naughty" says Mr.. Paul.
'Now. dere's Colombia" Whiskers goes
on. Some fussy nannychist down dere may
say dat we made our bargain for a slice of
its neck of woods, witout asking her per-
mission, giving her any of de rake-off,
she will fight for her rights. It is wicked to
tink of, but some folks is so silly dat dey
will put up a fight for what dey thinks is
DER rights. even when we points out to EN-
kindly dat we has ten tirteen-inch guns for
every one of DER tin swords. Den we has
to go and spank EN-. 1t isn't much of Job,
except Tor de Pension Bureau, which takes
six monts to enter de names of de honest
voters who might have been wounded If dey
had been in de war, and derefore is entitled
for to have a pension. But dat is detail
for mugwumps to chew de rag over. 1t has
noting to do wit de higher diplomacy, nor
with patriotism, nor wit de getting of dele
gates to de next convention. We is a peace
able people; but if we has to do it, no people
will sell DER WORKOUT yachts to de navy
for twice what dey costs to build EN-; put
up the price of food and fuel, and draw
down our extra dividends on coal-road
shares, and packing house stock; sell paper
shoes to de army, and take de profits pay
ten prices for armor plate, and boom United
States Steel; make new government loans
and pocket de war rate of interest on de
coupons-no people will do desc patriotic
tings quicker dan we will when de bugle
call to arms stirs our blood and quickens
de life spirit of trade in Wall street We
may be nation of shopkeepers, Paul-but
we know how to keep shop!'
Sir" says Mr.. Paul, you rouses de first
for war in me sluggish blood-Chames, anod-
der bottle, quick. / shall polish up me
trusty blade, and buy Steel preferred; I
shall put new flint in me old squirrel rifle,
and lay in few reams of coal road stock: