Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1903-05-16
The Autobiography of a Liar.

| Inc Autobiography vi d LldI :
IS RECORDED BY F. f. ELWELL.
| was horn down on the east side-the
last OF a large family. We lived in
! four rooms where Gods sunlight never
| entered anu where it was 50 hot III sum
mer time that sleeping was out of the
question except on the fire escape This
did not trouble US children any as there
was only one bed in the four rooms
My earliest recollection was of my
mother. / wondered why sine was so
| pinched and timid. her weak little body
seemed too frail for the burden fate had
! placed upon it. My father was just the
opposite, big, burly, powerful man
with little Of the kindly heart of my
mother. The first impression created by
my father was blow on the side of the
head that sent me tumbling over and
over into the corner of the room. To my
dying day | shall always remember the
look that was on my mothers face-on
of intense fear and solicitude for her off
spring
Half clad ] wandered in the streets
and whenever | saw my father coming
would cross over to the ether side or hide
in the corner of a doorway He never
seemed to me half as kind as the big
policeman who used to hustle us kids
about the streets; for the officer | had Il
real affection, because with all his sever
ity he was a just man and much respect
ed in our street
Before was born my mother used to
get the weeks wages from father and
hide them and when he asked for drink
money during the week she would lie to
nm. 1t was necessary, as she thought.
good woman, because there were so
many little bits of clothing to buy to
make even a bare covering for her chill
drcn
Mother loved her children and would
sacrifice everything for their comfort. 1t
probably never occurred to her that
there was any harm in telling an UNI
truth that her offspring might benefit
by it,
do not remember that there ever was
one word said to me in my early life
against telling untruths. Certainly
mother had gained somewhat by " ing
TO father. Then there was absolutely no
privacy in our home. Poor mother tried
to be neat and with some success. vet
our home was a barren place made 50 by
the proximity of too many saloons.
Some of my older brothers and sisters
who were at work had discovered bv ex-
perience that they could not hold their
Jobs without observing a measure of
truth in their relationss with their EN-
ployers. But, as for me, | was allowed
to play in the gutter sitting under the
half doors of near by saloon watching
the degrading sights that took place
poor food for young mind.
My first systematic lying was about
school An officer told my father that
must 90 to school, so | entered the pri-
mary department of school not far
away and had learned my A b C's and
to count little when the old fever to sit
under the half doors of the saloon came
over me, and | graduated from that
school without ceremony. | think
loved to study in that larger school of
humanity. At any rate | went to school
as little as possible.
One day when mother asked me how |
liked going to school | replied that ]
liked it very much. This was my first
direct lie. at least the first | distinctly
remember, | did not think it wrong or
that it was very smart to deceive my
mother. | found out later that | loved
school very much. knew that what
| had told mother would please her.
Fhe strangest part OF my early days
was the entire absence of any desire to
drink. Often the saloonkeeper nearest
our tenement would ask me to have a
glass of beer, but | always replied
Nope"
This is the way | got my nickname of
Nope which has stuck to me all
through my youth, and even now some
of my brothers and sisters use it as Il
term of endearment
As | grew older / found the habit of
lying growing stronger. My observing
powers developed rapidly. / seemed to
make man my first study and gradually
It became easier for me to get nv les.
sons at school. | tried lying there, but
found the punishment so swift and Ger
tam that despite my natural liking for
the art became aware of the fact that
as little as possible was good thing.
Father was killed in a saloon brawl,
and the city had to bury him. as we
were without funds. Mother began TO
improve, both in spirits and looks, and
Ne moved into another tenement with
windows on the outside There was n
vacant lot opposite with trees growing
IN It. Mother put few plants in the
windows ON the outside Mike and the
other boys fixed up some long boxes and
filled them with earth, and when The
flowers appeared We all remarked, This
Is paradise What difference 1t
made in us all! 1t must have been due
To reflex action. One Sunday evening
We all sang a popular song. a thing that
had never happened when father was
alive
Sis, the eldest daughter. was a smart
girl, and, by saving Il little at a time
and now and then getting boost from
my brothers, she finally bought a second
hand melodeon. Her quick ear and
smart fingers picked out the tunes we
loved best and every Saturday night we
sang together.
Our greatest happiness came when we
all had beds 10 sleep in. They came one
and our mother set them nm
md had all in readiness when We mr.
lived home at night. That was n great
'ccasion. We all laughed and some cried
With JOY
Sis was a peach" l never saw such