Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1903-03-04
sSllzlge
4(99]R7zslz

II see the new magazine is out:"
Yes; and thank heaven, they've got
my poem right next to advertising
mutter."-Atlanta Constitution.
dis is certainly fine. bracin' wealth.
err remarked Weary Raggles to Tired
Tattcrs. Yes" replied Tatters; II
braced six men fer dime dis mornin
an on'y got one refusal. Cincinnati
Commercial Tribune.
A man with an unusually large
mouth has the habit of opening 1t on
some occasions very wide. His dentist
the other day administered mild re-
buke: Not so wide, please; l prefer
to stand outside and work"
Summed Up: The Widow-I want a
man to do odd jobs about the house.
run on errands, one that never answers
back. and is always ready to do my
bidding. Applicant-You're looking for
husband. ma'am.-New York Life.
A Natural Question:: Have you any
two-cent stamps?" inquired the victim.
after paying his bill at the Bong Tong
Hotel. II think so,' replied the clerk;
"how many do you want?' How
much are they piece?'--Philadelp
Press.
"These Americanos," cries the at
frighted Tagal. "are cannibals."
Whatever gave you such an ideay'
asks the Moro. Il just heard one Of
those soldiers ask that pretty school
teacher to come and eat Filipino with
him."-What-to-E Eat.
Are they fond of their New York
home? "Oh. awfully fond. They
spend their winters in Florida, their
springs in Lakewood, their summers
It Newport, and their autumns at
'.enox. but they are simply devoted to
their New York homer'-Exchange
Convinced: do you read Dickens:"
NO" said Mrs. Cumrox, rather loft
lily. Perhaps you are one of those
who do not regard him as representing
the best literaturc?" II am. l have
seen his books offered for sale as cheap
us % cents y."-Washington
Star.
Very Unromantic: ''They had one
of the strangest marriages recorded
for n long time in what respect:"
I'm every respect Why, both parents
on both sides were present, there was
nothing sudden or secret about it, and
their own clergyman performed the
ceremony."-Judge.
The Lesser Evil: "Charley, DEAR"
said young Mrs. Torkins, II hope you
will never conceal it from me when
you bet on u horse race" Wont you
be angry if lose?" Not as angry
as would be If you We're to win and
not let me know about it."-Wash-
ington Evening Star.
Mrs. Bizzy-I am so sorry to hear
that your wife has been throwing the
crockery at you again, Casey. Where
did she hit you? Casey-Falth, ma'am!
That's what OF do be afther complain
in av. Twas whole set av dishes
broke to pieces, an she niylr hit me
wanst.-Brooklyn Life.
You have just as much right and.
theoretically, just as good chance
as anybody else to be President" says
the patriotic citizen * his neighl2r.
Il cannot agree vii 4 you.' sishf the
neighbor; 1--WE havG no children, and
that fact alone would lose me the rho
togrnphers otey-Judge.
Miss Mainchantz--I suppose you've
heard of my engagement to Mr.. Janks.
Miss Ascott-Yes, and l confess l was
surprised. You told me once that you
wouldn't marry him for million dol
lars. Miss Mainchantz-I know, dear,
but discovered later tliut>,sea had two,
millions. Press.
Wished to be Prepared: I'm hungry.
Sir" said the beggar; won't you give
me enough to get Il meal?" Here, my
good man." said Mr.. Pompus, here's
n penny for YOU" "Oh, thank YOU,
sir. BY the way, have you got a pep.
sin tablet about you? always get
dyspepsia when l overeat myself
| Tit-Bits.
Showed What she Could Do: Phoxy
Il got good square meal last night,
| the first in several weeks. and have
YOU to thank for it. Friend-Me to
thank2 Well, that's news to me.
Phoxy-Yes. l know. telephoned to
my wife yesterday that you were COM
ing out to dinner with me.--Philadel.
phia Press
Selected Names: First Matinee Girl
That woman looks like an actress.
DO YOU know what her name is? Sec
ond Matinee Girl--She was Miss
Ethel Johnson before she married
George Billings, whose stage name is
Alfred de We're. but she is known pro-
fessionally as Euphemia rockingham.
! brooklyn Life.
| Feminine Progression: First she
wondered if any man was really wor-
| thy of her" Yes" Then she Won
dercd which man was the most worthy
of her." Yes Then she wondered
which of several worthy men she had
refused would come back to her."
Yes" "And then she began to Won
der what man she could get."-Tit.
Bits.
He was wandering in Ireland. and
came upon n couple of men "in holts"
rolling on the road. The man on top
was pommeling the other within an
inch of his life. The traveller inter-
vened. Its an internal shame to
strike a man when he's down." said he.
IF you knew all the trouble had to
get him down." was the reply, you
wouldn't be talking like that."-Sport-
ing Times.
For Euture Use