The news & observer. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 1894-current, 1903-05-17

Sometimes it looks like all the fools are
not dead yet.
An Infatuated German appeared before
| the mayor and complained, mine daugh-
tiers request dat you do not let boys battle
in the river next out house yet. 1t ISIS a
shameful "But your house is half a
mile from the river" interposed the Of
fetal Zach Himmel, continued the
plaintiff, Il knows dot, but mine daugh,
tiers dey hat got spy glasses already yet"
At the opera a. few nights ago right in
the most touching part of dramatic
climax when cold chills chased each other
up and down the spinal columns of all YER
tebrate animals present, a coarse grained
galoot thought he saw something funny
and opened his face and haw-hawed like
jack-ass at sea- Such gorillas should still
be swinging by their tails and munching
cocoanuts in the tropical forests of their
own people.
William r. Hearst's candidacy for the
presidential nomination is not very won
derful in view of the fact that the last
Legislature of North Carolina voted for
three hundred and sixty-seven different
men for the United States Senate. How
ever, it is worthy of notice that such a
IIldH DIS JOHN 1eHpiC NIldfCS, GuIIOI VI biJS
Atlanta News, considers the matter ser1-
ously. Hearst at least deserves credit for
working when he could have been a
parasite Not all of us would do as he did
A leading Southern newspaper says THE
social evil prevails in every considerable
community throughout the world and It's
complete extripation is not practicable I'M
der the existing political conditions. A
~ +o4o I, II; =.
advisable to dig all the grass from his cot
ton or corn and always leaves a few
sprigs to grow up and make more trouble.
And there is a woman who would laugh
in your face if you were to question the
necessity Of planting peas in the full Of
the moon. No they are not all dead yet
Chauncey M. Depew says the only way to
succeed is .''to dig, dig, Dig" and j. B.
Duke says "the secret is in love for the
work" These opinions are merely what
every one knows and they throw no light
on the situation. Inqurers after knowl-
edge as to the key to success, desire some
thing easy They expect to unlock the
door, walk in and lie down. Any child
knows success comes to those who work
diligently and pull themselves up the lad
der round by round, but that antiquated
method is too slow and irksome for the
twentieth century; we want to go up in
an elevator
In first -class town there is entered as
second class mail matter third-class So
called newspaper at fourth-class post
office by ffth-class editor with sixth
class ideas. He pretends to believe that
Whatever is is right" and is a good IL
lustration Of the reverse Of the motto Of
North Carolina, to-wit: "To seem rather.
than to be-" He maintains that liquor
was created by the Almighty and should
therefore not be opposed by man, and is
apparently forgetful of the fact that the
fiery beverage is not drunk in its original
form. There are on this pleasant earth
many perfectly innocent things which can
be distorted into sin but that is no reason
the sin should be attributed to the Crea-
tor.
In the perusal of a months issue of me-
gaines, the reader of ordinarily extensive
literary observations win find several old
plots and scenes and witticisms worked
over and woven into new stories. New
predictions of the kind are those which
appear for the first time in print, but nine
out of ten are suggested by some other
thought, and hence are not original. To
originate a thought is a difficult matter
An absolutely original joke is one in which
the incident nor anything similar to it or
in any way suggestive of it never occurred;
it is a purely imaginative fabrication
based solely upon what might have been.
Any one who will write an original
thought humorous or otherwise, to this
department, will have his or her name
placed on the honor roll, and the exercise
will be beneficial.
That old Trojan horse is being worked
too much these days Once upon a time,
the Trojans stole something and the
Greeks went over and asked for it. The
account was protested. The Greeks built
a horse Of wood Just too large to go
through the gates of the city filed it with
men, and then ran around the corner like
a boy who puts brick under a hat on the
first day of April The Trojans thought
the bill-collectors had gone home, and that
the animal was a peace Offering so they
tore a hole in the wall and drove the
horse in. Then in the night, the men
concealed inside climbed down and opened
the gates and the Greeks rushed in and
smote the Trojans hip and thigh. Now,
every time the North offers a cent to be
given to the South if we viii raise two
cents, some one arises and says, BE ware
the Greeks bearing gifts. The South de-
serves to be embarrassed if it can be
caught with any such April fool joke. and
it is time TO give the old horse a rest