The Farmville herald. [volume] (Farmville, Va.) 1890-1934, 1903-02-13
FIRE AT JUGGERS.
ny tom y. MORGAN.

chimney had a habit OF burning out. and a.
the roof often caught fire these events were
the occasion Of much excitement.
Jugger had grown tired of reducing him
self to the verge OF emotional insanity in
searching for salt to pour down the chimney.
trying to quiet his wife, who insisted upon
indulgns IN Mysteries, and in seeking the
ladder that seemed to have concealed itself
Just when It was most needed.
Usually, by the time he had charged all
over the house and lot, colliding with all the
furniture in the former and all the trees
shrubs, posts and clotheslines in the latter.
the fre had burned out OF been extinguished
by the neighbors, and his wife had cried her.
sell INTO the hrst cousin of lit. Then the
ladder would be found, serene and untrou.
bled, in the place where it always reposed.
and the salt would grin at MIN from the bar
gel in the pantry.
But now Jugger could retire to his couch,
happy IN the thought that, with the salt at
hand and the ladder leaning against the
caves, be was ready for any emergency.
For nearly week peace brooded over the
Jugger household. Then the chimney went
on the rampage again.
1t was near midnight when Mrs. Jugger
awoke her spouse by her energetic jab in
the ribs and the thrilling announcement that
she smelt smoke.
The ire could be heard roaring in the chin.
ney, and Jugger was sure that confagra-
tion would speedily ensue if he did not
hasten to the scene OF the danger accom-
panied by the salt, so he sprung out Of bed
took one quick step and fell forward on his
face, almost executing a dado on the floor
with his nose.
Til Of late, Jugger had never worn a robe
de-nuit, but had passed down the years, so
TO speak, night-shirtless and neglected Mrs
Jugger remedied this awful state of affairs
by presenting her husband, upon his last
birthday, not long ago, with brand new
night-shirt, five feet aud three inches long,
forgetting that by all laws Of precedent,
Jugger's head ought to stick out OF the top
Of the garment.
Upon rising in the abrupt fashion before
mentioned, Jugger, forgetting the superfu-
Gus length Of the robe, stepped on the front
OF II and came down on his face, as stated,
with a force that nearly drove his nasal
protruberanee back out Of sight in his eoun-
tenance.
Springng TO his feet and pulling his nose
out to where IL belonged, he grabbed the
pail Of salt and started toward the door,
This time, when the long robe tripped jug
ger it sent him headlong against the wall,
with a force that almost shortened up his
neck. When he finally escaped from the
house it was by holding up the extraneous
length OF the garment.
Out Of doors and around the house he
rushed, cracking his shins with the sharp
corners OF the salt pail at every other jump.
As be came in sight Of the flames, streaming
like q hume OF fire out Of the chimney top,
his excitement caused him to drop the robe
for an instant. He recognized his mistake
when he found himself crawling out Of the
embraces Of Mrs. Jugger's rare and exceed
ingly thorny Mexican cacti, which were
highly successful as ornaments, but made
very poor couch.
Jugger really ought TO have possessed a
third hand to assist him while he held onto
the ladder and his life and the salt and his
night-shirt. He was not like the dilatory
gentleman Of chestnut lore, who, in addition
10 his right and left hands, was provided
with little behind hand. He would have
surInounted the steep roof with much more
ease and less loss Of cuticle if each Of his
hands and all Of the feet he possessed, and
the half-dozen more that be needed, had
been armed with long, sharp claws, capable
of being socked deep into the shingles.
After Mr.. Jugger had succeeded in climb
ing up the steep roof at about the same rate
of speed as that Of the arithmetical frog
that, in climbing out Of the well, ascended
two feet every day and fell back three feet
every night, the neighbors were astounded
at the vision that appeared on the ridge
pole. They saw, by the light Of the Chin
news torch, figure that looked like large
cat in long gown crawling along the apex
of the roof
Just as Jugger raised the pail in order
to pour the salt down the chimney, his toe
holds slipped at one side. Instead OF going
down the chimney the salt was poured down
the roof, white and gritty cascade. A mo
ment later Jugger followed It. There was
a frantic clutching and clawing, and wild
veil that nearly put out the fire, and the
human toboggan went sliding down over
the salty and splintery surface OF the shin
giles
The frantic manner in which a drowning
man is supposed to clutch at straws would
not have been a circumstance to the en-
thusiastic and unreserved manner IN which
Jugger endeavored to plant his claws upon
or into something that would stay his prog
ress.
His efforts were uselessl Down he went
AZ a rate that made the salt sandpaper oil
the splinters that would otherwise have pro-
truded from bis person and given him
the appearance Of a human pincushion. Had
il not been for the presence and kind Of
fees of the salt, Jugger's condition would
have been a much more deplorable one, for,
while a man with splinters sticking out all
over him like pin-feathers may be very use
full as a human scratcher, he certainly can
not be considered as ornamental. An Adon-
is stuck full Of sphnters must pull down his
sign. and no man likes to think that his
chances Of winning in beauty competition
have gone where prohibition prohibits, and
henceforth he can aspire to nothing better
than being an animated toothpick-holder.
Just as Jugger went over the edge OF the
roof the tail Of his robe caught on a sturdy
gutter r-clamp. For a moment ne hung IKE
4 large, white bat There was the sound
Ike that which ensues when the friendship
az wears is rent in twain from top to bot
Iom. The sturdy clamp, having got its full
hare Of the garment, Jugger dropped, with
, wall Of anguish, into the very heart Of Mrs.
Jueger's other cactus bed. Then the fire
vent out. leaving scratched and splintery
wreck of humanity wrapped in the clinging
embrace Of the cacti from Mexico.
There is large void waiting to be filed
Nv an invention that will lift a sufferer out Of
cactus bed without raking all the thorns
,long the extent Of his person until he is
clear from here to yonder.
Now Jugger questions all visitors to learn
Z ANYBODY has ever established precedent
" standing on his head to sleep, so that
lone Of the scratches or slivers will be dis
urbed.
Jugger will not wear his birthday present