The semi-weekly messenger. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1897-1908, 1903-03-17
MR.. DOOLEY breaches
A LENTEN SERMON.
BY F. P. dunno.

DOOley.
81 am" said Mr.. Henessy. 81 put tn
pipe back iv tn clock day befure 2is-
terdah. Oh, but tn las Whit iv tn Of
clay was plisint. Are we keepin'
Lent?'
Il am that" said Mr.. Dooley. I'm
on'y smokin' me seegars half through
take no sugar in me tay. TIL
Lord give me strength to last till
Pathrick's day! I'm keepin' Lent but
I'm not goin' up an down tn sthreet
tellin' people about it. I amt amy
prouder iv keepin' Lent thin I am iv
keepin' clean. In our family we've
always kept it. 1 raymimber SEEM me
father tuck away tn pipe. cork up tn
bottle an put it in a thrunk with some
thing between a moan an cheer an
begin to find fault with tn wurruld.
FIR us kids Lent was no great hard
ship. 1t on'y meant not enough iv
something besides meat. I don't ray
mimber much about it EXCEPT that on
Ash Winsdah ivrybody a a smUige
on his forehead; an afther awhile tn
house begun to smell a little iv fish an
about tn thirtieth day tn eggs had
thrown off all disguise an was JUS
plain yellow eggs.
Yes, sir, in our family we all Yep
Lent but me Uncle Mike. He started
with tn rest an FIR a day or two he
whit UP an down tn road whippin'
butchers. Twas with great difficult
ty, HinniSSy, hat he vas previnted
firm marchin' into tn neighborin' sa-
looms an poorin' tn sthrong wathers
on tn f1ure. FIR a short distance me
Uncle Mike was tn most pIous man I
-@- -.~ -,-oI .@-
ganized tn Uncle Michael Goo S'ciety
an wint ar-round inityatin' Numbers.
To hear him talk about nine o'clock on
Ash Winsdah mornin', ye'd think he
was JUS goin' into tn arena to fight
a line befure tn onholy Roman poppy
lace. He'd take down TIL Lives iv tn
Saints an set r-readin' it with a con-
descindin' smile on his face like a cham
peen athleet goin' over tn OF records.
oh yes he seemed to be sayin' they
were all fright, very good in their day
no doubt, out where wud they be now?
They'se no mintion iv Saint jerome
goin' without his smoke an I haven't
had a pipe iv tobacky since twelve
o'clock las Choosdah night an here it's
nine o'clock Winsdah morpin'. Thin
he wud look caSully to'rd tn back iv
tn book to see whether prapS some
thing mightn't we ben put in about tn
las momen an thin he Wud brow it
down an say to himsilf: 9Th Lives Nv
tn Saints FIR eighteen hundred an fifty
amt out yit,' an march savagely fr'm
tn room, kickin' his nieceS an new
views as he whit. At four o'clock in tn
afthernoon he was discovered by me
father settin' on a saw horse in tn
woodshed, puffin' away at q pipe with
a bowl like a small stove that he'd took
away firm a German, an singin' to
himsilf.
But me Uncle Mike though d great
warryor in his day an tn soul "
s'ciety was not a model FIR a long dis
lance Christyan champeen. He started
with tn rest iv us but he always pulled
up lame. TIL trouble with MIN an tn
trouble with tn rest Il US is that we
expict to be canonized in time to show
tn brief to tn family at dinner Sc I
say I don't go ar-round cillybratin'
Lent. I don't eXpict Father Kelly will
SIND down tn Father MaccheW Fife an
Dhrum Crops to serenade me because 1
left that lump iv sugar out iV me Iay
an put in twice as much milk. Win
tn postman comes to tn dure with tn
usual line iv bills an love letthcrs
firm tailors. me hands dom threTnble
eXpictin' a note firm tn Pope telin'
me I've beer ~canonized. No, sir, i con-
grathylate mesilf on me sthrong will
power an rayfict that sugar makes
people fat. I am niver goin to place
amy medals on annywan FIR bein' var
chous, Hinnissy, FIR if varchus amt al
ways necessity. me boy, it's tn mex
thing to it. I'm tim'prate because too
much dhrink doesn't agree with me:
modest because I liik best that a
gin'rous because I don't want to be
thought stingy; honest because iv tn
-o1,- f0D-o1 nn, hr0x-n u-bip can't
r-run away.
Dock Grogan, who's an oil Pagan,
don't agree with Father Kelly on more
thin two things, though they're tn
frindliest iv inimies; an wan lV thin Is
Lent. Father Kelly says It's good FIR
tn soul an Dock Grogan he says It's
good FIR tn body. It comes at tn fright
time iv tn year, he says, whin ivIy-
body has had a winther iv stuffn'
thimsilves an f1oodin' their interiors
an settin' up late at night. It's a kind
iv a sthand off FIR tn Christmas holi-
days. We quit atm meat because it's
Lent an we've had too much meat.
We quit smokin' because It's Lent
an we have a smokers heart. We
quit dhrink because it's Lent-an' we
want to see if tn brakes ARE wurruk-
in. We quit gOin' to tn theaytres be-
cause it's Lent-an' We're sick iV theay-
tres. If it wasn't FIR Lent in March
none iv us wud live till tn Foorth iv
July. In Lent says Father Kelly 1
get. me congregation back In Lent
says Dock Grogan, I lose mine Lent
says Father Kelly, brings thin nearer
Hivin.' An longer away says Dock
Grogan. It's ARD wurk for me Il
I like it, a y Father Kelly. It's my
vacation time says Dock Grogan, but
1 don't care for it. 1T makes thin
think of the mex wurruld,' says Father
Kelly. An gives thin a betther hold
on this says Dock Grogan. It's rellij-
on says Father Kelly. It's medicine
says Dock Grogan.
$50 I say. no medals, PLACE. fr me
on ccoun iv that lump iv sugar. I
done me jooty an no more. Win tn
divvle timpted me in tn lump L said:
Get thee behind me, Satan, I'm too fat
now That was all. l done VIA was
fright because it was fright an plous
an a good thing FIR me to Go. l don't
claim no gratichood. [ don't ask fr
amy admiration iv me piety. Put
don't 1 look betther, Hinnissy? Don't
ye see I'm a little thinner"
sg<-o+ ~, ;-oL cold Mr. Hannoccy