The Farmington times and herald. (Farmington, St. Francois Co., Mo.) 1902-1905, 1903-11-05
Handicap WEALTH
Ky II. *. mUNkITTRICK.

not sick at all. They are men who
are laid up with health. That is. TO
be more explicit and to put IL in the
form of paradox. the sickest men are
those persons who. far from being
sick, are Frustrated and Aoored by
their health that is the foundation OF
their sickness. which does not exist
at all.
The people referred TO as inyalids
constitute that large and constantly
growing class. each of whom sports
the spectacular and sensational style
Of stomach peculiar to the cigar store
statue that Is nailed down firmly that
he may not topple over and fracture
his wooden ganglia These sick men
are also noticeable and conspicuous by
their pin-cushion necks which sag over
their collars at the bases OF their
brains and wabble like calfs-foot jol-
ly. These lotos and tablet eaters are
troubled with various maladies which
might be called, and not Incorrectly,
oniceltis and Newyorkcope. They are
sixpercentipedes who are all feet for
cash and predigested securities II
they had more feet for the golf links
and for the tennis court and were
less surefooted on the desk top, II
would eliminate many square miles Of
dancing sunshine from the visions Of
the doctor, and also from the pharna-
cist. who cheerfully dispenses some
thing that is guaranteed To be a re-
liable substitute for the one-mile run.
the four sets OF tennis ana the six
round bout with the gloves
These large, short-winded men are
conspicuous in the rural districts BY
the juggling sound caused by their
bottled tablets when they plunge mad
y along and almost have 3 rush of
desire-to-maf e-more-mouey TO the
head IN a wild effort to catch the S:2i
I. IN. train
These elephantine creatures are al
ways sick because they are always
well In other words. they are always
sick because they are never sick. II
they should actually become inyaids
they would be instantly restored TO
| health.
In an age Of progress like this, when
there are specialists who know the ear
by heart and the heart by ear SO well
| that they can constantly tell whether
| the cardiac rhythm is andante or
| adaEiO without the aid of a picrUuume
| II seems that there should be doctors
TO look out only for the healthy even
If. for protection, they were to 90 into
partnership with their brother profes.
SIGNALS who attend TO the sick. This
| would not be new in view of the we'll
| known fact that the Chinese doctor Is
paid to keep his patients well and is
not paid at all when they are laid
| up.
This method practically puts the
Chinese physician on a common Level
with the American plumber as a prime
minister OF graft It would be- grc1t
blessing If We could but find multi.
millionaire who would found a hospital
Tor the healthy. in which all people
orGnnlcnlly sound could be SO treated
as to give them an equal chance AT the
desk with those commercial champions
who are buldod up BY the demoraliz-
ing desk and the rotary chair owing
to the fact that they are short on
lungs and long on epilepsy.
| II these weakliuEg who are human
battleshiis in an office should be PM
on a tennis court or on the golf links
| tgtt fIt,
quite as quickly "a do the elcphantinC
| specimens whose hardest work consists
In smoking cigars and accumulating
desk rot or in running up a column 81
| figures as a monkey asccHd5 cocoa
nut palm, for the purpose of putting
down the nine and carrying the seven
That health Is often a greater handi'
cap than is sickness Is fact thai
does not require many square miles o.
argument or elaboration. ANY trainer
who makes a specially OF rcducu" the
flesh and the purses of thO"e that ac
cumulatc CorpulenCe through the EinC
of labor that hobnails the liver ant
renders the nerves cflete owe all theil
good fortune to the health of thcil
patients The healthy man in an of
flee race has little chance against The
knight who caracoles in the enj0ymen
of half lung and a solitary kidney.
After awhile healthy men may cult
vate sickness for business purposes
even as women cultivate invalidism a.
matter of refinement, and TO give
them the langud. arlstocratic ali
whssh suggests noble lineage. Thu
men who live on drugs and paten
medicines are many and not far be
tween They are creatures Of pill
and potiOns who may some day fee
that they will have to play on sici
If they would have an equal chance II
the race with the preferred clerk-ih'
invalid who can SIT at desk and tot
all day and never break down undc
the strain And then the ancien
rhyme may be changed ON this linz
of argument:
Late into bed and late 10 arise
Makes man sickly and wealthy ant
wise"
N. Y. Times