davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1903-01-09

"Whew!' exclaimed the Western ed
itor, dropping the copy of his latest issue
which he had been reading, ~ think I'll
skip town before BrOncho Pete comes
around"
"What's up?' demanded fhe foreman.
of the Indian campaigns and the types
have it scared "-PhiladelIhia Press.
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1903-01-09

A Tarrant county girl who is attend
paper, wrote home to her parents: II
am just in love with ping pong!' The
stern Texas father is alleged to have said
when he heared it: "You can write and
tell Amari]lis Jane that if she is going
to fall in love with any of them blamed
Fort Worth Cinnamon she can just count
on being cut off without a cent?
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1903-01-09

A rope often gets tight because that
is the way it is taut.-Philadelphia Even
ing Bulletin. # n - -
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1903-01-09

Author-Isn't it about time you pub
lish that Christmas story of mine that
you bought three years ago? Publisher
You have no kick coming. Haven't
you always said that you write for pos
terity ?-Judge.
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1903-01-09
NEW VERBS.

I'VE had delightful time last week.
said the city cousin, who was describing
the joys Of metropolitan life. Zone even
ing we trolleyed out to a suburban home
and ping-ponged Until nearly midnight,
and next day we automebiled to the coun-
try club and golfed until dark
well, we had a pretty good time last
week, too," ventured the country cousin,
with sarcastic smile. Zone day we
buggied over to Uncle Josiah's, and we
boys got out in the back lot and base
balled all the afternoon, and after we
tobaccoed WHILE '-Baltimore Amer;-
can.
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1903-01-09

IN ais mousse f1G0I low. Auf ,uc4SUy'
count rsignsl him to evahlastin' punish
IS a-gwineter burn fur it ssho, you hyeah
me! De cree has gone fOrth!'*ts = ff.S
Next morning.a colored man with two
fine hens came up to the preachers doors
He said: = 90 r ~ ~ 's::'':'::=: s.
<."Parson, hyeah's syo' chickins.'' s. - s~s
"No, ,sah," said the preacher, eyings the
chickens closely, "dese amt nah
chickins."~ - ."}::% F>'7'.' = -.
Il knows dey amt perzactly yo'wn.''
exclaimed the parishioner, shut desc is
to tex de place, of yo'wn. Yo' CHICKENS
VIZ ct up for de cree went forth. An
las night after L went to bed my con-
shunce.. hurt me 50 tell had to:git} up
and 80 ovah to Marse Bob's house an
git two mo- chickins.' Parson, do tex
desc CHICKENS, an fur de Lawd's sake
tex dat cree back, too. --Lippincott's
The presence of mind Of an impecuni-
Gus lover was illustrated recently at a
bazaar, where there was a, stall for the
safe of watch charms.
"Oh, George" she said, "buy me a
CHARM"
Sarah" answered he, ..you have too
many Already Tit>Bits.
-:!o:-
t. 1t is told of Bishop Williams Of Con
nectictft, for many years presiding bish-
ep of the Episcopal Church in America,
vsho lived all his life bachelor, that he
was talking one day with young man
from the West about a tax Western
state was trying to impose on bachelors,
the tax to be increased certain per cent.
For every ten. years of bachelorhood:
''Why. bishop said the young man. lat
your age you would have to pay about
500 a year. "<Well," said the bishop,
o+I IN Ian.
"lt's with it,
'Well, Giles, you've got about once
more. then?'
"Thanky, sir, thanky. There baint
| much t'mdtter with me now. only this
here iconvalescence, as the doctor calls
it. But when get rid O. that, III be
! all right again. King.
A NEW NAME.
Mr.. Smith, an English traveller, arrived
one evening at a hotel in Austria. Or
| the way he had picked up smart
Frenchman and hired him as his servant
| In Austria every one staying at hote
is obliged to register his name and occu
patton in book kept for police. inspec
ton, SO Mr.. Smith told his servant tt
bring the book for him to write in.
| Il have already registered Milford as al
English gentleman of Independent
MEANS" said Fritz.
But I've never told you my name, 81
how do you know what it is?''
| II copied it from milord's portman
! teau," said Fritz.
'Why, it isn't OIL my portmanteau.
cried Mr.. Smith. Bring the book ant
let me see what you have put down."
! The book was brought and Mr.. Smith
to his amusement, discovered that hi
clever servant had described him thus:
| Monsieur Warranted Solid Leather
-Tit-Bits.
"John," said the retired lawyer to hi
coachman, 'aren't the horses trying t;
run away?'
''They be, STRIP
s"Then drive into something cheap
Electrical Review.
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1903-01-09
DUE TO A BAD LANGUAGE.

1T is a queer language" said be-
wildered Frenchman. "a horse falls into
re subway, and hees owner falls out with
re contractaire. Re house, it goes up il
smoke and zes firm goes under from ze
fire, while re goods go down on account
Of re smoke and ze wattaire when re fire
goes out.
''Ze wife runs up bill at re shops, re
book-kepaire runs up re column of fig.
ures in re ledgaire, re husband runs from
re collectaire, re >shopkeepaire runs over
to ze court, and re attachment runs
about a month, and zen it runs out.
ne gamblaire sees re poor foreigner
re foreigner sees re gamblaire's bet and
raises it; zen he sees flush royaie, and
zen re police seize re whole business. re
gamblaire sees re wardman, and re for
eisner sees his money no more. 1t is a
strange language in re great country OF
America. New York Tribune.
johnson writes that he's Just killed
the hero in his new novel;"
"Well, he needn't worry over that-any
jury will acquit himv'-Atlanta Consti-
tuition.
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1903-01-09
THE. NEW ARTIST.

Il am afraid our new artist is a little
too realistic said the city editor to the
manager.
What has he done?'' inquired the
chief.
II told him to illustrate Binglewoods
article Oh the human types that visit the
public parks" replied the city editor.
Seize upon the salient features of the
story l said, as I handed him the
proofs, and show 'em up the best yoN
know how"
THAT word SALIENT said the chief,
"should be used with discretion"
II guess that's right the city editor
admitted. well, you should have seen
the sketches he presently turned m.
first one l looked at had a lot of men,
women and children dangling from ropes
all about the music pagoda. What s.
this? I asked. That he replied, .:il-
lustrates the line ''They hung aronnd the
band a; all the b ;, afternoon" That's just
the chief remarked.
mo, think not the city editor said.
''He seemed to be in dead earnest. THE
next sketch represented a mob of people
running after several grinning figures
mounted On slender legs: and labeled 2
artist saw that I was puzzled. THAT
pictures out he explained, the line
''They chased the merry hours away"
Good idea, isn't it?' Ny response was
to gather up the sketches and hand them
to him with a shake of the head. He
looked little disappointed
What did he say?" inquired the chief
cali he said was, Il guess, maybe, I
dunno what salient means
Il thought he didn't said the chief
Cleveland Plain Dealer
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1903-01-09
SIZE REMEMBERED.

SIZE REMEMBERED.
"Rev. MIR. Stern's remarks over poo1
John We're so sympathetic, 1 thought, -
said the widows friend.
"Sympathetic!' replied the widow
Gayrake. lie said John had gone to
join the great majority.'"
@1Well?'
''Well, in his sermon several Sundays
ago he declared that the great majority
Of people 60 below" - Philadelphia
Press.
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1903-01-09

"Why do you always refer to YOU,
valet as your 'retainerg
Because he always keeps everything
he finds. "-Portsmouth News.
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1903-01-09

"John," said the retired lawyer to his
coachman, "aren't the horses trying tt
run away?
'%They be, STRIP
''Then drive into something cheap
Electrical Review.
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1903-01-09

Her eyes fell.''
Her hands dropped by her side''
''He lost his tongue"
His jaw dropped"
Her voice fell.'
''She crushed him with a look''
His heart sank like lead.''
Then one would suppose the housemaid
came with a broom and swept up the de-
bris.-Tit-
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1903-08-13
MACEDONIAN INsUEEECTION.

The Bulgaria. Foreign Office has re-
ceiyed very disquie.ing news from lis
agent at Uskub. The Mussulnans
there are daily gathering in The mosques,
and it is feared that a massacre Of The
Christians is impending. Officials at
Sofa express the belief that The 'n'er-
ven. lion of the powers alone can prevent
disaster.
The Bulgarian government takes a
decidedly pessimistic view of the sltua-
ION and the officials openly express
their fears that a general massacre OF
the Christians in Macedonia is iuevlt-
able-possibly within four days and al
most certainty within fortnight. 1t is
feared that such massacre would cover
wide area and include both tbe large
towns and the villages, and that The
Turkish soldiers would prove incapable
Of restraining the fanatical Mussulmans
even ifthey desired 10 do so, which is
by no means certain.
Representatives of the Macedonian
committee say that the Romanian and
Greek inhabitants of a number of vii
lagos have joined The insurgents and
that the Mohammedans re.taking refuge
in the cities and towns.
1t is reported that Turkish troops on
Monday bombarded aud destroyed the
village of Ekshisu, % miles south OF
MoDastir.
According to another rumor, the ir-
surgents who have occupied Krusheyo,
af.er repulsing two assaults by the Turk
ish troops, offered conditional sur
renGer. Instructions we're asked from
Coos .aninople, and in reply the Turkish
commander received orders 10 give no
quarter.
Hussein Hilmi Pasha, who has been
appo;n nted vail of Monas ir, reports a
spread of iUsurrectionary movement N
the y.layet of Salonica, where, be says,
tbe committees are resolved on the same
campaign OF massacre, in, epdiarism and
pillaSe ss in The viIayet o. MOO&s'ir
Jbe insurgepis continue 20 desastale The
district of Koritza.
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1903-08-13
THE MLLE MUST COZ

The days of the mule are numbered;
within .he next few decades his voice
will have been s,illed forever. This is
the prophecy Iof United States Consul
General Eichard Gueother at Frank
o.. Gelmany who seeds an official re-
Do,t 20 lhe S.a Department on the
chances OF he zejrUla, a cross be,~ee
the bo Sc atG the zebra, suDelt edi0g The
mule. He says of the publication of
,ae "e5r1la ''Germau pa2e,s oonend
,hqt il hes been demonsua ed Fiat ibe
mrie, tLe cross be,ween hose and don
key, is infe .ot 10 ,be cross be,ween
noise aJG zebra. Formerly the o?in-
ion prevailed that the zebra was almost
ex;inct. The opening up Of A;iica,
particularly .he eastern part, reveals 'hese
fine auirals in large numbers. Com
pared with horses and cat, le, hey possess
peculiar advan ages, as toey ale immune
against the very dangerous horse diseases
Of Afica and also against the dead
" Gselse' fly. The question was
therefore raised whether the zebra
could not take the place of the
mule commonly used in the tropics.
The greatest credit with reference
to the solution of this problem is due 10
Prof. Cossar Ewart, who has been trying
since 1895 to produce crosses between
horses aud zebras with view to develop
ing an animal superior in every respect
to the mule. Prof. Ewart produced
crosses from mares of different breeds
and zabra stations of the Burchell kind.
This offspring is called zebrula and on ac
count of its form and bodily condition,
especially the hardness of the hoois, Is
especially adapted for all kinds of trans
port work heretofore performedby mules
The zebrula is much liyelier than u {
mule and at least as intelligent The
zebra stripes are often well preserved
while the undertone of the skin is gener-
ally that of the mother. A full grown
zebrula is IA hands high and the girdl'
circumference about 100 centimeters (6S
inches). The experiments so far have
been so successful that it is predicte.
that the zebrula during the present cen
tury will completely supersede the
mule"
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1903-08-13
MEDICINAL.

soft boiled. In fact, three hours Is aoout
the time required to digest the average
twelve minute lunch. The object OF the
hasty lunch is to let the busy man get
back TO his Office work. But when tho
brain is active, the stomach is inactive
for lack of necessary blood. The natural
consequence is indigestion, and indiges-
ton opens the door to many diseases.
Indigestion is cured by the use OF DR..
Pierce's Golden Medical Discovery,
which cures diseases Of the stomach and
other organs of digestion and nutrition,
and enables the perfect digestion and
assimilation of food.
$4,000 FORFEIT will be paid by
the Worlds Dispensary Medical AsSoc1a-
ton, Proprietors, Buffalo, n. Y, IT they
cannot show the original signature OF
the individual volunteering the testi-
monial below, and also of ths writers OF
every testimonial among the thousands
which they are constantly publishing
thus proving their genuineness.
sI had stomach trouble from childhood and
suffered with 1t more or less as ] grew uP.'
writes Mr. Willis seaman, OF WashingtonVil
Orange Co., N. Y. vAt the age OF 20 was
broksn down with dyspepsia. ny suffering was
terrible. Could not eat without distress Gould
only eat a few certain thugs and was not able
10 work half the time. EvsTythinE l trisd only
gave me temporary relief. Ny wife finally Per;
suaded me to try Dr. Piercss Golden MSGesI
Discovery aud Pleasant PelletsI took six
bottles Of the Golden Medical Discovery end
two vials Of DR.. Pierce's Pleasant Pellfts l ihen
felt so well that stopped taking medicine
oCommon Sense Medical Adviser" 1908
large pages in paper covers, is sent Jree on
receipt Of 2I one-cent stamps to pay ex-
pense of mailing only. Address DR.. K W
Pierce, Buffalo, n. Y.
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1903-08-13

THE PRESIDENT TO THE RESCUE
Gen. Davis last experience in the Philip
pines was an official rundown from
President Roosevelt. A number of young
men, all recently graduated from western
educational institutions, arrived in the
Philippines on the transport Logan, hav-
ing worked their way across the Pacific,
most of them serving as walters. After
seeing the sights of the islands they pre-
sented themselves in body to Gen.
Davis with the request that they be given
employment on the Logan on her return
to the States via the Suez canal. Gen.
Davis, although in sympathy with the
men, did not feel justified in granting
the request and turned it down. This did
not dampen the ardor Of the students, for
they promptly dispatched cablegram to
President Roosevelt Informing him OF
their plight. The President took up
their cause in no halfhearted manner
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1903-08-13
AIexan0ria Gazette.

PUBLISHED DAILY AND TRI-wEEKLY AT
GAZETTE BUILDING, 80 & S12 PRINCE
STREET.
TERMS: Daily-1 year, $500; 6 months,
$3.50; 8 months, $1:25; l month, SO;4S;
week, $0:10.
Tri-weekIy-1 year, $500; months, $3.50
months, $0:75; month. S0:25.
All transient advertisements must be paid ior
in advance.
Contract advertisers will not be allowed to ex-
ceed their space unless the excess is PAID Tor
at transient rates, and under no eircum-
stances win they be allowed to advertise
other than their legitimate business IN the
space contracted for.
Marriage and death notices must be paid for
IN advance.
Resolutions in memoriam, Of thanks, tributes
of respect, resolutions adopted by societies
or persons, unless Of public concern, Will
only be p!inted in the paper as advertise
mente.
The Gazette Office is connected with the Tele-
phone Exchanges. Advertisements, orders
for the paper, news of any information or
business can be sent by telephone.
Entered at the PostOfice Of Alexandra, Vlr'
ginia, as second-class matter!
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1903-08-13

HUSBAND SUES PGIEsT.-Residents
of Waterbury. Com, aie greatly stirred
up over a spit begun by Louis Strucks,
an cmploye Of Smith, b owne & Co., o
Hartford, against Rev. Joseph E. Sene-
sac. pastor OF s. ! Jne's Church, Water
buy, for SO, 900 damages nn charge
Of alternating The afe~,ioos Of he plain
iG's vile. M. StLcGs is pTe-iy
woman Of SO. Her busb9nd is nearly
30. Father Seae-ac is h}1dsome mad
of So. Siacks, il his cp"o'9'lt, ssys
,hat his wife fiji met The p ie,t sS A
church laif in He ,o.G in TIE w'diec of
1900. He decl9Jej .hat the w'o '3Go'og
o, ne pair began Apsrst J 1900. end
hes continued rp Ire y e-elt tine.
He says that when he Fl st discoge ed IL
he drove his vne fom his home and
,,ahed out 10 shoot he T,iest. Friends
who learned Of his plan pfegen.ed The
shooting. lie says mat he b.in6s suit
only 10 order that Father Seneapc may
be exposed end punished. Fs.Ie' Sene-
sac cones OF an old l1On.re req family,
end he's made seve,aI ?ilo T9ges 10
Rome ln,imaie i.ieIds i'll he "eriSh
declared that he charges were uohde.
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1903-08-13

OTTERBURN LITHGA WATER.43Ihis III
" water is indicated in all affections uue !. 70
Uric Acid, Diathesis, Gout, Rheuma!:lsln' :n J.
stone in the Bladder, Kidneys or Liver;
Bright's Disease and Kidney Diseases Vi
every form. For sale by
WAKEFIELD & HALL,
Sole AGENTS Cor. Prince 4 Fairfax Sts.
CAsCARA BROMIDE QUININE TAB
LETS. Have you tried Hill's Cascara Bro
mide Quinine Tablets, guaranteed to cure
Colds, Coughs and Ia Ia IFEdPPei ZIP no O'''e'
WAKEFIELD & HALLS,
Corner Psiuce and Fairfax streets.
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1903-08-13

Have on hand Gibsou's Xxx, xxx, xxx,
and Pure Old Rye, Old Cabinet and Mono
ora, gran, Whistles also Bakers and Thompson's
Pnre Rye Whiskies, to which they invite the
attention of the trade.
Orders from the country for merchandise
shall receive prompt attention;
Pon5nce ponS solicited. for which they guarantee
tbe highest market prices and prompt returns
NE corner Cameron and Royal Streets.
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1903-08-13
FOR OVER SIXTY YEARS

Az OLD AND WELL-TRIED REMEDY
Mrs. Winslow's Soothing Syrup has been
used for over sixty years by millions OF
mothers for their children while teething,
with perfect success 1t soothes the child,
softens the gums, allays all pain, cures wind
collie and is the best remedy for l'iarrhGa. is
pleasant to the taste. Sold by druggists in
every part of the world. Twenty-Five cents
bottle. It's value is incalculable. Be sure
and ask for Mrs. Winslow's Soothing Syrup
and take no other kind.
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1903-08-13
WINE of CARDUI H's $,s: :;9: e::3: '"'

and directed that they be given employ
ment on the Logan and that the trans
port make stops at several points in
China and at other ports for their espec-
ial benefit. Their arrival in the United
States is to be made an occasion of espec-
ial interest, as an enthusiastic reception
has been planned for them. 1t is said
that the young men intend to call on
President Roosevelt at Oyster Bay in a
body to express their acknowledgements.
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1903-08-13

For a lazy liver try Chamberlain 5
Stomach and Liver Tablets. They in
vigorate the liver aid the digestion, reg
ulate the bowels and prevent bilious
attacks. For sale by Richard Gibson.
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1903-08-13
DRY GOODS.
]. BGldlGin ( Sons.
TRADE ACTIVITY
Never GeaseS
AT This STORE
BIG VALUES
FOR THIS WEEK.

All-linen Opaque Win
dow Shades, Zoe value at
IL lie.
Heavy JOintless Mat
tings, several patterns to
select from, at IL 1-2c
yard.
Table OilclOths, | IA
and | 1-2 yards wide Zoe
to 39c value, slightly I'M
perfect, for 15c yard.
English Long Cloths,
II 1-2c value at s 3-4
yard.
Cannon Cloth, ~ 1-2c
value at 9 3-4c yard.
Remnants of z 1-2c
Apron Ginghams at sc
yard.
Ladies Lace Lisle Thread
Hose, Zoe value, this week
at 4c pair.
Wide. All-silk Taffeta
Ribbons IL lie yard.
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1903-08-13
Eat All YOu Want.

Persons troubled with Indigestion or Dyspep-
sia can eat all they want if they will take
Kodol Dyspepsia Cure. This remedy pre-
pares the stomach for the reception, retention,
digestion and assimilation of all Of the whole
some food that may 1e eaten, and enables the
digestive organs to transform the same into
the kind Of blood that gives health an
strength. Sold by Z. S. Leadbeater q Sons
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1903-08-13

COAL AND WOOD.

We have removed our offlce to S1t
KING STREET (our former loca-
tiop), where all orders received for
COAL AND WOOD will have our
prompt attention.
w. A. sMoOT & co.
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1903-08-13

Burdock Blood Bitters gives man clear
head, an active brain, a strong, vigorous body
=mak1s him fiji for the battle Of life.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-03-23
SWAT THE GERMS.

liver SINCE THE GERM theory Of
l. disease was first promulgated,
scientists have been busy devising
ways and means for getting rid Of the
pestiferous things. The lair Of the
germ has been invaded by fearless
benefactOrs of humanity who have
spared no efforts that promised to re-
suit in its determination. London scien-
lists are the latest TO throw light on
the subject.
They say they have learned through
a course of exhausting experiments
than mechanical shock has a germi-
eide effect Put a little more plainly.
vibration is absolutely fatal TO the
bacilH Of disease. That ought 20 make
everybody In the whole world happy.
for everybody is more or less troubled
with germs. Hereafter there need be
no worry about them at ALL
Say you are walking along a high
way in peaceful pursuit of an honest.
but elusive. dollar. Suddenly a germ
springs out from a ditch or a sewer
opening, or from behind a tree or a
dry goods box and confronts you. Do
not be alarmed for a moment, and do
not show the white feather. Just re-
member that all you have TO do is to
walk boldly up to the germ and give
it a good shaking. If you vibrate It
properly. that is to say euergeucaUy.
il viii be a corpse In a very little
while.
How much better this is than the
superannuated methods we have been
using What is the sense in spending
money on germ exterminators when we
have this simple remedy at hand? Why
use formaldehyde when the good right
arm can accomplish the same result?
tt might be a good notion to get up
germ-eXterminating parties and give a
prize to the man who can shake the
most of them TO death.
Down In Sanpete and other counties
the natives are always having match
rabbit hunts. Why not give the rab-
bit a rest and do business of a strenu-
GUS nature with the germ2 Some peo-
pie may object that the germ must be
taken before il can be shaken. The
suggestion contains no merit whatever.
Germs are far easier to take, as a mat
ter of fact, than they are to shake.
Anybody can take one or more, but
not everybody can shake them to the
determination point.