Arizona republican., 1903-06-03
TURN IN BAScOn'S LUCK
Related to Unsympathetic Audience
 by Man From Over Pochuck Way.

Chester. N. My Uncle David Beckendarter's brother-in-law. Hack allah Bascom, was the unluckiest man. I s'pose. that ever lived" said the man who persists that he is entitled to be believed when he says that he hNes over toward Pochuck. as he leaned against the wall facing the Rowland house cash register. Then, again, you might say he was the luckiest man that ever lived. There are two sides 10 every question. and it's poor rule that won't work both ways
 The nanipulator of the cash register was compounding cocktail for stranger who came in and said he had been all night at Goshen. The stranger auaffed his tipple and went out.
 "A cocktail" said the man from over toward Pochuck. was something that my Uncle David Beckendarter's broth er-in-law. Hackaliah Bascom, never would drink.
 '..Give me mine straight he used to say. and then if l fall by the way l ain't goin' to git mad and abuse the bartender. and lay it to too much surar a squirt more bitters than there 'dought a-been. or the lemon that was squeezed in it. he used to say.
 "Hackaliah was a philosopher, but l think he carried his philosophy little too far as to the matter of what he took to drink. New, I ain't partic lar whether mine is a cocktail or dead straight
 The man from Pochuck paused. The
 -l, agri- tor q . busv fixing his necktie at the mirror among the glassware. No one re- marked anything. The Pochuck citi- zen sighed. sat down, cracked couple of fingers on both hands, and said: "Yes. Hackaliah Bascom was the luckiest and the unluckiest man that | ever lived. He was always haNin' mar row escapes until a year ago. He | hadn't a whole bone in his body when | he died-for Hackaliah is dead, and ! I'm feelin' mighty bad about it-and as to scars, he'd have made good twin brother to the tattooed man in the sideskow.
 | "As soon as Hackaliah Bascom went anywhere near a railroad an engine would blow up and give him clip on | he'd git run over or his horse would git scared and run away and break leg | or somethin' for him.
 "Once he was ridin' on an express train. goin' up the mountain, over m | PennsyIvania. near where he lived The train hadn't gone far before HACK allah got it into his head that he'd g1 back in the hind car. He walked ou' of the door and square off the platform He was in the hind car all the time and didn't know it.
 He tumbled around on the track IT the wake of the train for about quar- ter of a mile, and was cut and slashsc and scraped in a way that would have | filled a peddler of arnica plaster with joy. Hackaliah picked himself up by and by, and started on his way afoot
 He had walked pretty near all the way to his station when along cami the emigrant train. going his way. The cowca tcher of the ingine lifted Hacka- liah up and pitched him az g'inst th' bank as if he'd been shot out of 4O- pounder. The ingine didn't seem tC mind the shock a bit, but went right or as if nothin' had happened.
 "The emigrant trains in them days was more than half a mile long. Hack allah Bascom had plenty O time t' consider what was best for him to do He felt something like a piece O mea might feel after it had passed througl a sassage machine.
 There's one thing certain say Hackaliah;. T ain't going to stay her all night and I'm blistered if I fee much like walkin any further.
 guess I'll ride the rest O the way ol the emigrant train,' says he.
 ''So he jacked himself up till he go on his feet. The train was Goin twenty miles an hour. When the hin' car came along Hackaliah BascOn
 made a grab for it. He ketChed it am
 got on, jest as sure assure as your
 drawin' beer for thet feller who
 seemnIy as dry as if he'd been talkir
 for the last fifteen minutes and nobud
 hadn't said rothin'.'
 The customer who came in for tn
 beer got it and went out again. Tn
 manipulation of the cash registe
 whistled "Tm a Jonah Man" with l far-away look in his eyes. The ma from toward Pochuck cracked som
 more fingers and resumed. , "Hackalah ketched that hind car
 said he. "and got on to the train a , slick as straddlin a sawbuck. l forg l how many stitches the doctor took 2 him when he got home. but Uncle Ds Q vid Beckendarter says they had { send to the county seat after mol e | thread.
 Then there was the time Hackalia ] had the big runa way accident. He W; Il watering his horses and stood right ' front of 'em. Some boy or other sot U Q a firecraclzer and away the tea
 started,