New-York tribune., 1903-06-14

Yes said the music critic. and you
always be relied on to pass It You Philis-
tine, and you quote Bangs I suppose you
aware that your Illustration is taken from the
mouth Of the Cheerful IdiotT
" You can never claim the adjective. retorted
the Harvard Upstart, with his usual insolence.
But we wanGer from the subject Are those
things on the table which Mr.. Penrose desires
doughnuts or crullers. that is the question.
And I will answer it. They are doughnuts.
q" They are not snapped the music critic.
They are crullers. Anybody who knows any
thing knows that doughnuts spherical in
shape solid. and made of different material
Your education on this point, as on some others
might mention, has been sadly neglected.
:" Why don't you lay the blame on the elective
system, is your usual Illogical wont" asked
the Upstart Now, I don't know how Wagner
would compose q doughnut motif-save that it
would be sad and low-but do know that
cruIler is six inches long. composed Of two
twists Of dough curled about each other a
doughnut is what we have on the table
And here the discussion became general To
a unit the New-York and Connecticut people
took my side, affirming that what was offered
on the table were crulIers, and that a doughnut
was a spherical mass Of raised material, solid,
or containing a Dit Of Jelly. The twist affairs
were If they were anything, variety Of cruI-
lers we were willing to concede- The Boston
and Massachusetts, party, with equal unanimlty'
stoutly maintained that doughnuts were the ring
affairs on the table that crulers were the TWISTS
and they would not concede that real Dough
nuts had any standing in court whatever MOST
Of them had never even seen heard Of the
real doughnut- I never knew till then how pro-
vincial Boston and Massachusetts, really are.
THE controversy was carried outside the
house. into the solemn stiffness Of the mountain
twilight We forgot to watch the sunset shad-
ows creep over the high hills We forgot 10
take our evening stroll through the dewy mead
ows We forgot TO read to play cards All
that evening, divided into two camps we dis
cussed with warmth that gradually developed
into positive i'll feeling the tremendous question,
What is doughnut?'
The Harvard Upstart thought he had clinched
the whole question when he quoted the maga-
zina advertisement taken from still more an
ciaat proverb TO make a doughnut, take hole
and put some dough around it But this was
met with a storm of rebuttal. Proverbs are no
toriously wrong; the proverb was propapis
coined by some ignorant Bostonian; a magazine
viii print any falsity so long as 1t is pald 1or'
names may shift their meaning, and the discus
sion is over the present definition OF the leiih
and the like. When we retired that night 1 was
when 1 saw the Harvard Upstart bidding Her
goodnight on the veranda Of the cottage next
to the main house, where slept. She had taken
bIt little part in the controversy, but her syiu-
patbies were plainly on the mistaken side
1.-The following day the discussion was re-
sUIned at breakfast. and was aggravated py q
large plateful Of the offending food left over
from the night before. We had been so excited
then that we had neglected TO eat it up Al
ready a noticeab able division of the household had
lea,,n When we set off for a tramp that morn
ing the cruIler party, headed by myself and the
,7,7sic critic wanted to climb Bear Mountain
The doughnIt contingent got fool notion INTO
their heads that il would be better to tramp
.croee the river in the meadows, though the
6axy was ridiculousIy hot The result was that
we each went our separate ways. l was 100
e+,,ffv TO give in and were the rest OF our
edo and I had the melancholy spectacle OF the
1r,start setting cut with Her at his side, while
walked in the opposite direction with q sim
nering young thing from Danbury, who pored
me till was positively rude
well the hostiIities kept up. fed by renewed
controversy, every time cruliers were served al
table which was rather often. If We played
for,rsor,es it was always two doughnuts against
two cr1lllers Croquet and tennis games became
tests of merit between the parties to the great
controversy We no longer travelled IN Dig
bunch hut in two punches; if the crullers went
fishing. the doughnuts went the other way Ior
,~iae If +he doughnuts wanted a drive, they