The Minneapolis journal., 1903-10-16
The NONpAREn MAN
Casually Observed.

Casually Observed.
Japan claims a Monroe doctrine govern
ing Korea and Russia claims one govern
ing the continent. It viii be interesting
70 see what happens when two Monroe
doctrines meet.
Farmer Ben Of Austin hints that Ben
l. onl,sW nipple of that town is thinking OF
racing his little white horse against Dan
Falch or something equally as quick. We
are- not acquainted with Mr.. Whipple's
mare put we state boldly that she will,
nave 70 pc very rapid to play tag with
Colonel Patch. There's a hossi
Schwab and Morg took the turkey and
the public took the buzzard. e
A. M. Greeley's new Big Fork. Itasca
county, Compass says that Bemidji is a
natural location for a brewery. Next
week the BemtdU papers will be moaning
oyer this like the sea at ebbtide.
Professor Langley may have failed to
fly at this time but there is one party
who never fails to come up to the mark
and that is Professor Snow. Snow flies
every year without any failure-especially
in the winter. )
The cause of lynching has been given a
great boost in South Carolina.
They are making a fuss about nine
spots on the face Of the sun. There are
a lot of nine-spots on the face of the
Garth, too. q
The Chicago News tells Of business
man who had been so busy that he for
got to get married until he was over 30
when one day he saw lady he thought
would do and SO suggested to her the idea.
of matrimony without mentioning love.
She refused to consider it. He went to
New York the next: day on business and
expressed to her a box Of candy with the
following letter: ~
Ny Dear Virginia: can't see yet why you
won't marry me. can't get You out Of my
head. OF course I'm not ra ted high as your
nat. I know a who is building some new
ones that are simply immense. can buy you all
the rags you ought to want So think it over.
: Still the lady was obdurate. The next:
week he wrote again: H. .. ...... -
My Dear Virginia.: Why do you think should
want to marry you If don't love your do
love you,- of course. You don't seem to like my
reference to my salary. should think you d
like to feel sure in your mind that you can
have porterbouse steak every day In the week it
you want it. don't want any of your fathers
money. 1 want YOU, and If you don't keep
dressed up to the present mark It will %be be-
cause you're too lazy to stand up and have the
things fitted. You are pretty girl and your
to cook you can learn, and I should wish you
to, of course, for the confounded girls pick up
and leave, they tell me, and I'm tired Of restan-
rants. I am mailing you cook book, the best
thing out. they tell me. Your loving Jim. :
And 80 it went on. And the girl mar
ried him after ALL. Chump! : z.
Nebraska was generally held to be a
pretty good state until Doc Bixby went
down there on the Lincoln Journal and
gave it away. The doctor came originally
from southern Minnesota, the Land Where
1t Is Always Afternoon, or, as one poet
has feelingly put it, the 'Climate of Per
petual Peace the Land of Etherialized
Appleblossoms. AS. Mr., Bixby began to
feel his oats-.-or, in tribute to Nebraska,
should we not. say his corn?-he began
a series of elaborate defenses Of the Ne
braslka climate. In doing this it became
necessary to run down the Minnesota
climate. In. this sad but necessary, duty
the doctor originated the form of verse
with the refrain "In Minnesota" These
climatic stunts were sometimes interfered
with, when the mercury in Nebraska
5leaped adownirto %. below cold storage,
following a fall of eight feet of crushed
ice. While; the doctor was complaining
Of these untoward conditions and Of their
DdQ e1ecC on MS COW, or was saying how
good they were for next years crops, he
temporarily forgot Minnesota and its
glowing Italian skies. z-.--.. sd.
The facts about the Nebraska climate
are, in brief, these: The state forms
a sort Of battle-ground where the even
climate of Minnesota, the Medicine Hat
blizzard and the rains Of the gulf states
struggle for the mastery. The result is
sort Of climatic hash and the effect is
as IT a man should drink a glass Of rich.
rare wine (Minnesota) a pint of rum
tMedicine Hat, and quart of hard cider
(gulf weather.. It is unnecessary to add
that the outcome of their combination OF
weather or weathers is not pleasant. It
leaves the state with a ''head,'' a sort Of
next day" feeling which is conducive
neither to good temper nor to civilization.
=. NO state" says the Rev. Irl Hicks.
mas given me the trouble that Nebraska
mas. Mr. Hicks finds in shunting the
planets around to give US the necessary
weather that they shy little, snort vio-
iently and tremble in every limb when
NEBRASKA sWims into view. Saturn nearly
tnreW a ring right in the House of Life
last september, and Mars got red in the
lace Wnen Nebraska was in right ascen--
SION: Inc result was a series of meteor
olo8lcal disturbances that extended ,n,ev
over into minnesota, causing potato blight.
personally we have nothing to saw
AGAINST Dr. B1xby. AS gentleman and
a poet ne Is all right, but when it comes
60 weather he. is in the position of g, tin
morn trying to sell a blind and balkv
morse to an experienced livery stable
- .->.~-~ "A. j. r.