davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1903-01-02

ure. and, handing the man q shilling, he
said: Take that, my good fellow; it will
buy you something better" @=...%
The man, to the intense disgust of Sir
Wilfrid, Immediately entered g public
house and spent the shilling in beer. On
borer, and asked why he had spent the
money for beer. zI:5:-
"Faith, your honor, twas that
thought you wanted me to drink, for the
bottle Of poison I was after THROWN
away was cold tay!'-New York Times
1t would be enough to make all good
folks thankful If every bone of conten-
ton in this world were as happy as is
Judge. o.. r.
-:o:-
Mrs. Startuppe-Ah, professors! And
how is my daughter getting on with her
music? Do you think she will ever: be-
come great singer? Professor-Ala-
dame, it is very hard to say. "But surely
she possesses some of the qualifications?
"Ach! Yah, madam; she hat a mouth"
Tit Bits.
lido you know anything can do which
will tend to prolong my life. doctor?
Yes; stay out of the woods during
the shooting season. Yonkers States
man.
ONE MEANT n RA1M; THE OTHER
Just say Its great blessing" to
Gov. Wells when you meet him and see
him smile.
1t happened this way: The governor
| was feeling particularly happy and socia-
BILE when Surveyor Gen. Anderson came
| along last Saturday and started the con-
versation.
"Well," remarked the surveyor gener-
al, its come at last!'
his most expansive smile, tits come"
''It's a great blessing, isn't it?'' con-
tinued Mr.. Anderson, with the air Of a
man who knows whereof he speaks.
''1s it?'' said the governor, with some
perplexity. "Well, | should say it is
''And it's fine thing for the farmers,
too. "~asserted the land man.
Then a great light dawned upon the
governor. Anderson was talking about
| the rain storm; the governor had only
one subject on his mind that day. The
stork had arrived with a baby boy.-Salt
Lake Herald.
Tom-Mr Johnson mas six daughters:
but he won't let any of them get mar
RED Dick-Probably he doesn't want to
break the set.-Detroit Free Press.
| OBJECTION SUSTAINED.
Judge-The witness told all that hap
pened on the second floor; now, why do
you object to his telling what happened
on the third floor?
! Counsel-Bccause, if it please your
honor, that is another story.-New York
| Times.
His Mother-Get up, Tommy. You
know the early bird catches the worm:
'Tommy-Well, I amt going fishing to-
| day-Detroit Free Press.
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1903-01-02

Yeast-Do you believe in an elastic
currency?
Crimsonbeak-Yes, indeed; I like to
make dollar go long way, and then
be able to draw it back.-Yonkers States
man.
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1903-01-02

el1e Permanently Cured. Nc ts ornervousness after
~ . hrrt days Of DIR. Klne's Great Nerve r..
ktorer Send %. 90 trial bottle and trrotse
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1903-01-02

MRS. WINSLOWS SOOTHING SYRUP 70;
Children teething; softens the gums, reduces in
hammation, allays pain, cures wind collie. u
cents 4 bottle.
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1903-01-02

-Ostend is to hold an international
exhibition of fashions in 1904.
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1903-01-02

M. Yushin. the Russian tenor. has
insured his voice for $500.
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1903-01-02
SPINNING WHEEL.
AT NOON.

AT NOON.
He rushed into an eating place
With eager eye and open face,
And In trice the waiter threw
The food that gaping hole into. -
Three scrambled eggs, a piece Of pie,
Ice cream and coffee on the fly;
Three doughnuts followed in a wink;
Ice waterbury, up!-to drink.
Four PAGES off the waiter stood;
His aim, In truth, was very good,
And not a drop or crumb, l wis, =,
Escaped that facial orifce.
With eager pride he flung them In,
AS If medal bright to win,
As men at target practice swell
When lucky bullets ring the bell.
Away, away. the patron few,
Ten minutes wasted: o mon Dieu!
And through the door with nerves al
He fairly sailed. Check, 80 cents.
st. Louis Post Dispatch.
-)o(-
OFFERED WILL CARLETON HIS SEAT
One evening, at Alliance, O., Will
Carleton, the poet, whose "Songs of Two
Centuries has just been published, was
on his way to the hall in which he was
to lecture and read some of his own
poems that evening. He had told the
committee that they need not call for him
at his .hotel that he wanted little
think by himself, on the way over.
Hotel and hall were quite distance
apart, and Carleton was in 50 much of
a :everie as to be almost in danger of
losing his way, ::hen he was overtaken
and accosted by blithe little Hebrew
clothing dealer, who, evidently not know
q nd h S hob 1E l.,
up a friendly, general sort of conversa-
ton.
Good efening," he said. "Vas you
a-goip, to hear Carleton?'
II was'' replied the poet, sadly and
before he begins?''
"Oh, sure! you hat lakes-full of time
reJoined the other. 'Haf you efer heard
Yes replied Carleton, mournfully.
DO you know him personal?'
NOT very we!l,'' replied Carleton,
YEARLY. 'Do you?''
"Sure!'' replied the clothing store mar
Il hat had some hot times with him III
New York. He is high-roller, now.
tell you. He owes me for a suit o!
clothes now, but 30 not press the bill.
You will never get it, replied Garlic
well, it is all right if I don't,'' replied
the HEBREW. I've owe something to such
men. Half you seat?''
why, no. replied the lecturer. II
thought it would be easy enough to Sc
cure one when l got there"
You will not replied the other
They are all sold. But yo'. seem to be-
good fellow, and you may haf mine. if
you only bay the admission fee. l know
the manager, and he vii! Put inc some.
where's
The lecturer promised to avail linn.
self, if necessary, of the others seneros.
lty, and they went III '>gether. 1t is said
that Il G Jews face was study when
he saw his "high-roi;e1" companion
throw off his overcoat and mount the
platform.
Mrs. Jones-I have bought my husband
some cigars for Christmas Mrs Smith
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1903-01-02

BY the sale of stray dogs the North
cumberland Nngland) county council made
"a los I'D last year
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1903-01-02
DUE TO THE RELATIONSHIP

DCE III ldE hELAllONS11f.
Among the stories told to the Christian
Endeavorers while they were in Boston
was one concerning a peripatetic Of the
barefOoted variety and farmer, VINO
was also a church deacon. The deacon
was taking lunch under his own vine and
tig tree, and unto him the peripatetic
said:
"Sir, I'm very hungry"
"You haven't been shaved" replied the
deacon.
mo, but Pm very hungry"
you're very dirty, into the bargain"
Yes, but I'm very hungry"
We'll, can you say the Lords
prayery"
NO, I can't
'Will you say it for piece of bread p
Il will.'
The deacon started in with "Our
Father at the same time cutting off a
slice as he enunciated the words. The
tramp repeated "Our Father" then sud-
denly asked:
"Did you say Our Father'?'
eyes, Our Father.'''
stop just a moment continued the
dirty man. You mean your father and
my father?''
Il d." answered the deacon.
''Then we are brothers, triumphantly
proceeded the unshaved.
1--WE are"
"Then for our fathers sake, cut that
bread thicker and cut it quicker -Bos-
ton Herald.
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1903-01-02

Tenant came to inform you, sir, that
my cellar is full of water Landlord
Well, what of it? You surely did not
expect cellar. full Of champagne, did
you baltimore American.
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1903-01-02

Germany. England. France and Italy
supply Canada with rubber balls.
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1903-01-02

Teacher-And what is the color of the
ocean? Tommy-Blue. Teacher-Can
you give reason for this? TOMMY
guess it's cause the blue fish that's in it
amt fast color.-Philadelphia Press.
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1903-01-02

l amt got no doubts but dat Solomon
wuz wise man; but he wuz nightly
notwithstanding. =.
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1903-01-02

How do you like Miss De Sole in her
new play?'
II think it is the best thing in her
wardrobe" Life.
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1903-01-02
BE GOOD WHERE You ARE.

1t was naughty, mud-stained, Sob
bling little maiden, partly cross, but part
ly. repentant, too, perhaps-who knows?-
who was approac hed by a gentle relative
with an offer to tell her chow, to be q
good girl and go to heaven"
Il don't want to be a good girl and
60 to heaven" emRhhatically responded
that's good 'nough to stay where 1 are.''
There might have been considerable
petulance in the reply, but there was
some sound wisdom also. The being
good. where we are is what the world
most needs Of us and what we most need
for ourselves. 1t is not people who are
ready to be translated, but people who
are ready to conduct the affairs of this
life on a righteous basis, who are in
demand. The persons who are always
anxious about ''being good enough to 20
to heaven" are seldom the ones who are
making little heaven about them where
they are.-Presbyterian Banner.
-:O:-
Twenty-Five thousand tables COW
cred with hieroglyphics have been
brought from Pippur, in Mesopotamia,
by Prof. Hilprecht.
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1903-01-02

1 Lus E. Johnson the Of the late Reyerdy
Johnson United States
IN recent letter from O06 street. n W., Mr.
"N0 should longer suffer IS ac
cessib To knowledge SO many of my
friends and acquantances humanity its use
"-.L0uis E. Johnson
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1903-01-02
WHO KNOWS?

Did Adam smoke? Did Eve wear cor
sets? Did Solomon chew tobacco? Did
Ruth chew gum? Did the children of
Israel make for a beer garden after
crossing the Red sea? Did Rebecca eat
gum drops?-Lexington (Aiich.) Weekly
News.
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1903-01-02
GIVES UP HIS PENSION.
Kansas Soldier, Christian Scientist,
Thinks it Wrong to Take It.

Kansas Soldier, Christian Scientist,
Thinks it Wrong to Take It.
Recently a Kansas old soldier sent the
following letter to the pension depart
ment:
Topeka, Kan, Oct 3, 10C2-To the Hon.
PenSioner Commissioner: Having become
converted to the belief commonly known
as Christian Science, l herewith voluntarily
surrender all claim to the pension which
l have been drawing for the past twelve
years. My pension was allowed on ac-
count Of alleged rheumat lsm and alleged
stomach trouble contracted during my serv-
Ice In the Civil war, and the mortal error
which made think I had them also
made the doctors who examined me think
the same. But l am now convinced that
there Is no such thing as rheumatism Or
stomach trouble; that by the blessings Of
God am free of error, and that l have
no right to take money from the govern
ment account Of a cause which docs not
exist.
The official who sent the above letter to
the Journal withheld the name of the old
soldier who wrote it. In comment, how
ever, he said:
IF this Christian Science idea should
spread to any great extent among the old
boys it would solve the pension problem
It is the first instance Of the kind.
though, and I am not looking for any
great rush Of similar. epistles. kansas
City (Mo.) journal.
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1903-01-02
LADIES FIRST.

MagistrateANext case. Who've we
got now? ~,
Constable-Dick Buggins, alias Bull
Bull take the stand.-PhiladelDhia Press.
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1903-01-02

Mrs. Jones-I have bought my husband
some cigars for Christmas Mrs. Smith
Cigars? Mrs. Jones-Yes. He says
he is going to swear off smoking on New
Years, and / want to make sure OF it,
Judge.
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1903-01-02

Mamma (to@a friend who is Iunching
with her)-I don't know why it is, but
l always eat more when we're alone.
Tommy (helping himself to a third niece
Of cake)-1 know why it is cause we
have better things to eat.-Brook Life.
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1903-01-02
AT SEA,


A clergyman who had neglected all
knowledge Of nautical affairs was asked
to deliver an address before an audience
of sailors.
He was discoursing the stormy pas
sages Of life. Thinking he could make
his remarks more pertinent to his hear
ers by metaphorically using sea express
sions. he said:
snow, friends, you know that when
you are at sea in storm the thing You
do is to anchor
\ half concealed smoker spread over
the room and the clergyman knew that
he had made mistake.
After the service one OF his listeners
came to him and said: "Mr. -. have
you ever been at sea ?"
The minister replied:
+ mo, unless it was while was deliver
ing that address. '-Philadelphia Ledger.
-:O:--
"She married beneath her, didn't she p
Yes; believe some two or three mil
lions beneath her."-The New Yorker.
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1903-01-02

''Do you know anything I can do which
will tend to prolong my life. doctor?
Eyes; stay out of the woods during
the shooting eason."-Yonkers States
man.
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1903-01-02

His Mother-Get up, Tommy You
know the early bird catches the worm:
Tommy-Well, l amt going fishing to-
day-Detroit Free Press.
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1903-01-02

Before You pop the question you'd bet:
ter question Pop rinceton Tiger. az
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1903-01-02
THE PRIVILEGE OF ,poss11N

THE PRIVILEGE OF 'POssUM.
a Georgia darkey, arrested for stealing
judge: 800 49, = ~ ~
Il don't count it no stealin' tall. yo'
homer, kaze de 'possum wuz raise fer
de niger, des lax de mule wuz:5 Let de
white man take de turkey, en- leave de
'possum fer de niger, is what I says!''
But" said the judge, '.the negro fire.
quently takes the turkey, too.''' 81 rs
Not dis season, SUM- was the uuick
reply. 'Dey roostin' too highy'- Atlanta
Constitution. - 's>Ds,E 4. I
''The bride looked like a queen. ..The
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1903-01-02

Mrs. Startuppe-Ah, professor! And
how is my daughter getting on with her
music? Do you think she will ever be-
come great singer? Professor-Ma-
dame, it is very hard to say. "But surely
she possesses some Of the qualifications
ZACH! Yah, madam; she hat a mouth"
-Tit-Bits.
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1903-01-02

'The bride looked like queen.''c .".The
groom looked like the deuce. = Judge.
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1903-01-02

Tom-Mr. johnson mas six daughters:
but he won't let any Of them get mar
RED Dick-Probably he doesn't want to
break the set.-Detroit Free Press.
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1903-01-02

It would be enough to make all good
folks thankful if every bone of conten-
ton in this world were as happy as is
Judge, 49, -"
The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1903-01-02
OBJECTION SUSTAINED.

UBJECE1UN SUSTA INED.
Judge-The witness told all that hap
pened on the second floor; now, why do
you object to his telling what happened
on the third floor?
Counsel-Bccause, if it please your
honor, that is another story.-New York
Times.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1903-09-17

white colu1s:,4s instead O square. If
they do cost trif1e more''
"She knows what she wants. said
Bishop, with one of his infreuuent
smiles, IAN reckon we'd save little
to let her boss the job eff she don't
bender the carpenters by too much
talk. 1 don't want 'em to put in a stick
O. lumber that amt the best.''
'I'm glad she's going to have her
way" said Alan. "She's wanted a bet
ter house for twenty years, and she
deserves it," -
81 don't believe in sech fine feath-
ers," said Bishop argumentatively. I'D
leetle ruther wait till we see whether
Wilson's a-goin' to put that road
through. Then we could afford to put
on dab or two O. style. I don't know
but I'd move down to Atlanta an live
alongside O. Bill, an wear a clawham-
mer coat an a dickey cravat fer a
change"
'"Then you mought run fer the legis-
latur'," spoke up Abner Daniel. who
had been an amused listener, "an' cit
up law to pen up mad dogs at the
dangerous part O. the yeer. ALT, I've
always thought you'd be a. ornament
to the giddy whirl down thar. William
was ever bit as green as you are when
he fust struck the town. But he had
the advantage O. CROWN up an sorter
ripenin' with the place. 1t I'D be hard
on you at yore time o. life''
At this tuncture Alan called their at
tention to a horseman far down the
road. 1T looks like Ray Miller's mare"
he remarked. @'This is one of his busy
days. He can't be coming to fish,"
RAILROAD news" suggested Abner.
"It's a pity you hain't connected by
telegraph"
They were all now sure that it was
Miller, and with no little curiosity they
moved nearer the gate.
"By gum, he's been givin' his mare
the lash," said Abner. "She's fairly
kivered with froth."
Hello, young manv' Alan called out
as Miller dismounted at hitchine post
just outside the fence and fastened his
bride rein. ''Glad to see you. Come
in.''
Miller bowed and smiled as he opened
the gate and came forward to shake
hands.
"We are certainly glad you came,
Mr.. Miller" said Mrs. Bishop, with all
her quaint cordially. ever since that
day in the Office I've wanted a chance
to show you how much we appreciate
what you done fer us. Brother Alb will
bear me out when I say we speak of
it mighty nigh ever day."
Miller wore an inexpressible look of
embarrassment, which he tried to lose
in the act Of shaking hands all round
the group, but his platitudes fell to the
ground. Abner, the closest observer
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1903-09-17

you must stag to carly supper d1laj-
oc0y, Mr.. Miller"
among them, already had his brows
drawn together as he pondered Miller's
unwonted lack of ease
Bring any fishing tackle?" asked
Alan.
"No, didn't" said the lawyer, jerk
ing himself to that subject awkwardly.
"The truth is, I only ran out for little
ride. I've got to get back
''Then it is business, as brother Alb
said," put in Mrs. Bishop tentatively.
Miller lowered his eyes to the ground
and then raised them to Alans face.
eyes, it's railroad business" said Alb
ner, his voice vibrant with suspense.
"And it's not favorable" said Alan
bravely. II can see that by your
looks
Miller glanced at his mare and dashed
the leg Of his top boots with his rid
Ing whip. mo; have bad news. but
it's not about the railroad. l could
have written, but I thought I'd better
come myself"
adele" gasped Mrs. Bishop. "You
have heard''-
''No; she's WE'LL" said Miller. "It's
about the money you put in Craig's
bank
"What about that?" burst from old
Bishops startled lips.
"Craig claims Winship has abscond-
ed with all the cash. The bank has
failed"
"Failed!' The word was moan
from Bishop, and for moment no one
spoke. A negro woman at the wash
place behind the house was using
batting stick on some clothing, and the
dull blows came to them distinctly.
''Is that so. Ray?" asked Alan. calm
but pale to the lips.
'I'm sorry to say it isl
"Can anything at all be done?'
'I've done everything possible al
ready. We have been telegraphing the
Atlanta police all morning about trac-
ing Winship, but they don't seem much
interested. They think he's had too
big start on us. You see. he's been
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1903-09-17
CHAPTER XIX.

m HAT afternoon the breeze
i swerved round from the
l0MMN| south. bringing vague threats
80 of rain. About o'clock Alan,
his uncle and his mother and father
were out in the front yard looking at
the house with view to making some
alterations that had been talked of for
several years past.
II never had my way in anything be-
FORE" Mrs. Bishop was running on in
the pleased voice of happy child,
IAN I'm glad you are goin' to let me
this once. I want the new room to jut
out on this side from the parlor an
have bay window, an we must cut
a wide foldin' door between the two
rooms. Then the old veranda comes
down, an the new one must have a
double floor, like Colonel Sprague's on
the river. except ours will have round.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1903-09-17
CHAPTER Xxx.

I a S Abner Daniel leaned over the
l4 rail fence in front of Pole Ba-
Isa1asSI ker's log cabin one balmy day
SS2&$8J two weeks later he saw evil
dences of the eX-moonshiner's thrift
lessness combined with an inordinate
love for his children. A little express
wagon, painted red, such as city chill
dren receive from their we'll to do par
ents on Christmas, was going to ruin
under cherry tree which had been
bent to the ground by a rope swing
fastened to one Of it's flexible boughs.
The body Of a mechanical speaking
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1903-09-17

CHAPTER XVIII-Continue
Rayburn's face was as white as that
OF corpse. The paper dropped from
his hand and he stepped down into the
Fergus County argus. [volume] (Lewistown, Mont.) 1886-1946, 1903-07-08

the ~fruitlessness Of attempting to res
cue the entombed miners below the
seventeenth level.
Added to the horror OF the fire.
which will doubtless destroy the UNI
dersround workings, Is the danger
OF another explosion which may occur
at any time. The situation Is decid.
eddy grave, and citizens are becoming
alarmed for the safety Of those who
are working below the surface, and
also those engaged In hauling away
the debris from the mouth OF the slope.
III the entries In which the fire is
burning q be successfully walled and
Tie fire confined to q few entries there
will be little to fear. but there 10 great
danger Of the flames breaking through
into the entries from which the res
cuers are moving rock In order to re-
cover two score Of more bodies known
to be In the seventeenth level. Here
tofore the gas has accumulated In
such large quantities that the rescu.
ers cannot remain long at q time, and
this gas, IL once ignited, will cause
second catastrophe. Fire fighters
and volunteers are arriving on every
train. The force Is well organized
and the work is progressing as fast
as possible.
Fergus County argus. [volume] (Lewistown, Mont.) 1886-1946, 1903-07-08

Santos-D umont Is doing astonish-
ing things with his airboats. He goes
ahead and wheels about, he cuts all
sorts of capers among the clouds, he
ascends and descends as he likes, he
makes trips within definite limits an
nounced in advance, and safely re-
gains his starting place. This intrepid
Brazilian has nov proved, In the face
OF unsparing criticism and dlstrust,
which have been heaped upon him,
that he is no charlatan, but q practi.
cal and resourceful inventor and me-
chanician of no low rank.
Nevertheless, there IL no sufficient
as yet for the Harvesting of
the doubters to the Santos-D umont
aerial chariot SO far as the matter of
general employment of his boats for
purposes Of pleasure or of business
is concerned. These vessels sailing
about in clear fields of the upper at.
mosphere are really little more than
toys as yet. When Santos umont
and his brother navigators of the az
ure make regular scheduled trips on
time between Paris and London and
back again. or between New York
and Chicago. with teturn tickets, then,
and not until then, will the railroad
magnates lose their appetites for their
meals in trembling apprehension of
the rivalry In transportation and traf-
fc OF the keelless bulls which soar
above the earth.-New York Tribune.