davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Hattiesburg daily progress. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 18??-1909, 1903-06-01

For State Senator-2nd Senatorial Dis
trict:
j. T. PARKS,
S. T. GARRAWAW.
The White Pine news. [volume] (Treasure City, Nev.) 1868-1906, 1903-11-12
His Only Com ment.

Mrs. Enpeek-Did you hear about
that man In Ohio who got into trouble
by marrying six women?
Enpeek-No; but I'm personally ac-
qualnted with man a good deal near
er home who acquired a job lot of
trouble by marrying only one woman.
The White Pine news. [volume] (Treasure City, Nev.) 1868-1906, 1903-11-12
New Submarine Boat.

-Cayallero Pine is the first submarine
inventor to discard the submarine for
purposes of warfare and to turn his
energies to essentially practical lines.
II all accounts are to be believed, he Is
pursuing some very interesting expert
ments In the Gulf OF Genoa with what
he calls his underwater working
boat" He has designed boat TO re-
sist the enormous pressures that ac-
cumulate with depth, and has been so
successful as to have descended In
safety to a depth Of 40 feet. The boat
is spherical In form, with diameter
of ten feet and has accommodations
for a working crew of two persons.
Its practicability lies in the fact that
it is equipped with arms passing Into
the boat through universal water-tight
Joints and possessing wonderful grip
ping qualities.
The White Pine news. [volume] (Treasure City, Nev.) 1868-1906, 1903-11-12
BEATING A SCOOP"
The Way President Hayes Once
saved Newspaper Man.

President Hayes was generally count
ed as cold man by the correspond.
ents, but there is one dignifed writer
of brewer natter who, when a
Washington correspondent. had need
to find vulnerable joint in the presl-
dents armor and succeeded completely
Then as now, great pains were taken
TO prevent premature publication of the
presidents message. At the same time
II was the custom, which II is not now,
for certain newspapers TO print fore
cast of the message a few days in ad-
vance. One year the correspondent of
W. $. Story's Chicago Times learned
late on Saturday night that the Chi
cago Tribune man had sent an abstract
of the message by mail for publication
on the following Monday morning. As
he knew that 10 be beaten on so I'M
portant n matter meant discharge by
the irascible Story, he put In all of the
following Sunday trying TO secure an
abstract for himself. At about noon
lac got so close TO printed copy that
he began TO have hopes, but they were
ahNhtb w AiN ElOhbh WITH lIt fus-
todian thereof refused an offer of ST.
600 for the document.
Finally, at about 3 O'Clock, the cor
respondent met senator, a great
friend Of the president. to whom he
poured out the complete story of his
troubles. The senator didn't believe he
could be OF service. but finally consent
ed to take the correspondent with him
10 call upon the chief executive.
At first the president was adamant,
though he would not deny that the
Chicago Tribune's man had stolen u
march on his rival. At last. being
convinced that failure meant the close
of his callers journalistic career. Mr.
Hayes said:
II can't send you to any one for a
copy Of the message. as you suggest
You can't be helped by any one but
me, aud / am crowded for time. But
under the circumstances, | will outline
the message briefly on condition that
you keep the source of your informa-
tion a secret. You must not take notes
but write wholly from memory.
may repeat the exact phraseology OF
the message in part and that wouldn't
do in your Dispatch
Then for the space of twenty minutes
the president talked steadily, the cor
respondent listening meanwhile as if
his life depended upon good hearing
and good memory. The result was n
column and three-quarters in the Chi
cago Times the next morning and pro-
motion Instead of discharge for the
newspaper man. - Louisville Courier
The White Pine news. [volume] (Treasure City, Nev.) 1868-1906, 1903-11-12
PROVERBS UP TO DATE.

Better swallow your good jests than
lose your good friend.
Sweet are the uses of adversely; bit
ter are the uses of prosperity.
The rising generation owes much to
the inventor of the alarm clock.
If vanity We're a deadly disease ev-
cry undertaken would buy fast horses.
The dead march is not necessarily the
one that the musicians have murdered.
When the last trump sounds, some
woman will ask Gabriel TO wait min
ute.
The oil of insincerity is more to be
dreaded than the vinegar of vitupera-
ton.
A good field of corn is one thing n
farmer doesn't care TO have crowed
over.
A walk may improve your appetite,
but tramp will eat you out Of house
and home.
The man who cannot be beaten is he
who holds his head up when he has
been beaten.-Eyeryb Magazine.
The White Pine news. [volume] (Treasure City, Nev.) 1868-1906, 1903-11-12
THE GENTLEMAN BURGLAR.
He Can Exist Only In Fiction, Never
In Real Life.

Whenever a thief who Is dressed 9th
erwise than in rags falls into the po-
lice net there are chronicled the adven-
lures of gentleman burglar"
Such a being is, of course, impossl-
Bile. He is a literary creation, like the
"Invisible Man, the Frankenstein
monster, Kipling's Mowgli and the rest
of the crew of prodigies that dwell
within book covers.
AS a character in fiction the gentle
man burglar" could he made plausible
and picturesque, for when we get into
the realm of fancy there is an implied
contract that the reader shall accept
the authors premises and not bother
about possibilities.
A burglar is just thief-about the
meanest of thieves.
TO a man endowed with qualities of
refinement and consideration of 9th
ers and honor-which are the attri-
butes of gentleman-burglary or other
theft is impossible. The pride of such
Il man, his regard for his own opinion
of himself, would prevent his sneak
lie lutU uAbilltT nun > HOusc anu ldh-
ing his plate or his wife's jewelry.
Then it must be remembered that the
burglar is prepared TO do murder TO
accomplish his robberies, and the idea
Of gentleman committing murder for
gain is too inconsistent even for fie-
ton.
A gentleman burglar" is a contra
dlction OF terms, like a brave coward
or tall pygmy. He may be better
dressed or his booty may be larger than
that Of most burglars, but when it is
all summed up he Is thief-just
plain thief-with the moral code and
impulses of n pickpocket or card
swindler or any other predatory crea-
ture whose natural home is n prison
and whose deserved and fitting raj
ment is suit of stripes-New York
American.
The White Pine news. [volume] (Treasure City, Nev.) 1868-1906, 1903-11-12

Patrol Sergeant during temporary
respite from night dutyl-No, thanks,
cook: the last time | took coffee with
supper 1t kept ME awake all night.
The White Pine news. [volume] (Treasure City, Nev.) 1868-1906, 1903-11-12

Mary was domestic treasure, and
when she gave her mistress months
notice on the plea that she was going
to be married there was weeping and
waiting in the household.
"Oh, Mary, wouldn't you be willing
to oblige me by putting Off your mar.
riage for week IL am not suited when
your notice expires?" asked her dis
tressed employer.
"Well, ma'am, | wouldn't mind walt
ing myself" was the reply, but men is
different. II you don't nail 'em when
they're ready for 1t you can't nail 'em
at all."-New York Press.
The White Pine news. [volume] (Treasure City, Nev.) 1868-1906, 1903-11-12

Our 81 CIT Edge Tine cannot Be equaed at aRy pTce.
Shoes by mail. 25 cents extra. illustrated
Catalog free. W. T.. DOUGLAS, Brockton. Mass.
The White Pine news. [volume] (Treasure City, Nev.) 1868-1906, 1903-11-12

What is more desolate than life's
moral Great DivideY
The White Pine news. [volume] (Treasure City, Nev.) 1868-1906, 1903-11-12
Deafness Cannot be Cured

by local applications, as they cannot reach the
diseased portion OF the ear. There Is only one
way to cure deafness, and that Is by consttu'
tional remedies. Deafness 10 caused by an In
famed condition of the mucous lining OF the
Eustachian Tube. When this tube IL IN
famed you have a rumbling sound or imper-
feet hearing, and when II Is entirely closed deal
ness Is the result, and unless the inflammation
can be taken out and this tube restored TO its
normal cond. tion, hearing will be destroyed
forever; nine cases out oil ten are caused by
catarrh, which IL nothing but an infamed con-
dtion OF the mucous surfaces.
We will give One Hundred Dollars Tor any
case of Deafness fcauged by catarrh) that can
not be cured by Halls Catarrh Cure. send LOT
circulars, free.
Sold by Druggists. 76c.
Halls Family Pills are the best.
The White Pine news. [volume] (Treasure City, Nev.) 1868-1906, 1903-11-12

"A young American girl, on her first
trip to Italy. entered a shop In search
Of black darning WOOL" says writer
In Harper's Bs>.ar. she spoke no ltsi-
Ian. the clerk spoke no English. She
pantomimed darning a hole and point
ed TO her stocking The clerk brought
white darnng cotton. She showed
that her stocking was black. and black
darning cotton was produced. But she
wanted wool. A long pause. then
.Ba-ar bleated the American girl. She
cot the wool"
The White Pine news. [volume] (Treasure City, Nev.) 1868-1906, 1903-11-12
Not So Sudden After All.

This Is SO sudden urged the sum.
mer girl.
Perhaps" he admitted.
"A little later, possibly" she sug,
gested.
"A little later I may not be disposed
10 say this at ALL" he asserted.
After ALL she returned. I'VE have
known each other nearly two weeks,
haven't We? Perhaps it's not so sud
den"
The wise summer girl makes sure of
her first engagement in order to be
sure that the summer will not pass
without any.-Chicago Evening Post.
The White Pine news. [volume] (Treasure City, Nev.) 1868-1906, 1903-11-12
The Innocent
S WIFI The Guilty

The world to-day full Of
disease Contagious Blood Poison People know is
bad disease all its could
would shun it they do the Lposy Not only the person who contracts
and erupons weak Caarh other evidences poisoned blood
show these little nnon suffering
bodys SIM So highly contagious poison
be contaminated by handling the clothing other articles
afflicted with this miserable disease drink
from the eating tableware
and innocent and have found their The of
The White Pine news. [volume] (Treasure City, Nev.) 1868-1906, 1903-11-12
Ont Of the Fuilne.. of the Heart.

Bobby-Pop, did you know mamma
very well before YOU married her?
Henpeck- I'm afraid not.
The White Pine news. [volume] (Treasure City, Nev.) 1868-1906, 1903-11-12

The prospective heirs of the dying
miser come silently into his sick room.
The physician is seated by the side OF
the patient. a finger on his pulse.
How Is our dear uncle today. doc
torW ask the prospective heirs.
There is small change in his condi-
ton" whispers the doctor.
The dying mlser rouses himself by
supreme effort. small change -
he gasps. "Put-it-in-my-pocket!'-
Judge.
The White Pine news. [volume] (Treasure City, Nev.) 1868-1906, 1903-11-12
Work for Expert Forgers.

Constant employment, according to
an advertisement in an Italian news
paper. can be obtained by experts
capable of initiating the handwriting
of old manuscripts. Seldom. perhaps
has a forger been advertised for quite
50 openly.
The White Pine news. [volume] (Treasure City, Nev.) 1868-1906, 1903-11-12
Drd9gedsDODn
Feeling

II Is time you were doing something.
The kidneys were anciently called the
reins-in your case they are holding the
reins and driving you into serious trouble.
The White Pine news. [volume] (Treasure City, Nev.) 1868-1906, 1903-11-12

Miss Debbie Tante-Oh, thank you
ever so much for those beautiful opera
glasses you sent me.
Fargone-I hope when you look into
the present In the future you will
sometimes think of the past.-New
York Times.
The White Pine news. [volume] (Treasure City, Nev.) 1868-1906, 1903-11-12
A Unique Light.

The Germans have placed on the
island Of Heligoland, in the North Sea,
unique light the greatest In the
world, which has for its base the par
abolic mirror Of Schubert Every five
seconds IL flashes light Of 10000. 900
candle power over the whole horizon
TO a distance of twenty-five miles dur
ing one-tenth of second.
The White Pine news. [volume] (Treasure City, Nev.) 1868-1906, 1903-11-12

A rich mans servant in China gets
no salary, yet many are the applicants
while big salaries are paid TO the serv.
ants Of the common people, but few
make application. The perquisites of
the former often more than triple the
salaries of the latter.
The White Pine news. [volume] (Treasure City, Nev.) 1868-1906, 1903-11-12

Gunner saw cane that could be
converted into a chair
Guyer-That's nothing | saw ia
BILE that could be carried in the pocket.
Gunner-You must be joking. What
kind of table was It?
Guyer-A time table.
The White Pine news. [volume] (Treasure City, Nev.) 1868-1906, 1903-11-12
Calm Before the storm,

Husband treading)-Thls paper says
that the greatness Of father often
proves a stumbling block to the ad-
vancement of his children.
Wlfe-Well. thank fortune. our chill
dren will never be handicapped in that
way.
The White Pine news. [volume] (Treasure City, Nev.) 1868-1906, 1903-11-12

Peckem-So young wilkins is to be
next week, is hef
Enpeck-Yes, I'm sorry to say he H.
Peckem-Why are you sorry?
Enpeck Because he's good fellow
who never harmed anyone.
The White Pine news. [volume] (Treasure City, Nev.) 1868-1906, 1903-11-12

First Mlnister-I noticed sermon
In recent issue of Blanks Magazine
with your name attached.
Second Minister proudly the
editor paid me $50 for that sermon.
First MINISTER'S that all? Why,
wouldn't have allowed my name at
tached TO it for $100-Chicago News.
The White Pine news. [volume] (Treasure City, Nev.) 1868-1906, 1903-11-12

"our eront fence wants painting bad.
ly,' said The head Of the matrimonial
combine. I'll take a day of next
week and paint It myself"
Well rejoined the other portion of
the outfit I'm sure no one is capable
OF painting 1t any worse"
The White Pine news. [volume] (Treasure City, Nev.) 1868-1906, 1903-11-12

Miss Cold hear that the foreign
noblemen are demanding that the
American girls they wish to marry
must have more income than ever.
Miss GILT (dlseoura gedl-Gra clous!
The necessities OF life are going up
every day.
The White Pine news. [volume] (Treasure City, Nev.) 1868-1906, 1903-11-12
hfrnnRe.

Mabel is a good-looklng lass re-
marked Goldsborough.
And she is fond of surveying her.
self In a good looking glass" added
ThrOckmorton.-De Free Press.
The White Pine news. [volume] (Treasure City, Nev.) 1868-1906, 1903-11-12
Very Easy TO See.

Cholly oumpleigh-I say, doc. don't
cherknow. my eyes are weak.
DIR. Krusty-No wonder. They're In
weak place.
The White Pine news. [volume] (Treasure City, Nev.) 1868-1906, 1903-11-12

Strong-Have you consulted DIR.
Glauber, the eminent specialist?
Weakly-Yes, have. but don't see
how you can call him an eminent
specialist" When he told me that one
treatment was enough and | needn't
come agaln.-Boston Transcript
The White Pine news. [volume] (Treasure City, Nev.) 1868-1906, 1903-11-12

Il wish had been born with silver
spoon in my mouth. sighed the youth.
.'oh, don't let that worry you" re-
Joined the village sage You'll prob
ably get IA lot OF gold in your teeth
before you die"
The White Pine news. [volume] (Treasure City, Nev.) 1868-1906, 1903-11-12

Jack-I should imagine that women
would like originality. Seems TO me
they'd hate repetition"
Mabel-Well. yes; excepting the
phrase Il love you"
The White Pine news. [volume] (Treasure City, Nev.) 1868-1906, 1903-11-12

"Is your wife a good cook?" asked
the visitor from out of town.
rs she?" echoed the fiat dweller.
Say, you just ought to be around
when she roasts the janitor."
The White Pine news. [volume] (Treasure City, Nev.) 1868-1906, 1903-11-12

QUINN tell you, a man In quick.
sand must feel in a tight place.
De Fonte-That's nothing. Imagine
a fat man In a bathing suit that
shrinks.
The White Pine news. [volume] (Treasure City, Nev.) 1868-1906, 1903-11-12

Guest lin cheap restaurant Well,
walter. what have you got?
Waiter Beef steak and nsh-but the
fish is all out. Which'll you have?
The White Pine news. [volume] (Treasure City, Nev.) 1868-1906, 1903-11-12

Wife, want to do some shopping
this morning, dear. Can you let me
have little change?
Husband-How much do you want?
Wlfe-Flfteen cents. A dime for car
fare and a nickel for ice cream soda.
The White Pine news. [volume] (Treasure City, Nev.) 1868-1906, 1903-11-12

"If a young man wishes any consola-
ton when hes preparing for his we'd
ding" said the supper table sage, Just
let him remember that he doesn't have
10 buy the rousseau
The White Pine news. [volume] (Treasure City, Nev.) 1868-1906, 1903-11-12
No More Money.

Old Lawyer do you feel that
your client will lose his case? Have
you exhausted every means at your
disposal to
Young Lawyer-No, but l have ex-
hausted all the means at his disposal.
Philadelphia Press.
The White Pine news. [volume] (Treasure City, Nev.) 1868-1906, 1903-11-12

"Bruddahs en- slstahs," said old Par
son SHARKS. "ef de church bell attract
cd people LAX de dinneh bell de pews
would be filed in two minutes AFTER de
fus' ringin'"
The White Pine news. [volume] (Treasure City, Nev.) 1868-1906, 1903-11-12

Mrs. Doubleigh-Does your husband
ever disclose any Of his lodge secrets?
Mrs. Clublcigh No. indeed. BY the
time he gets home from The lodge his
memory Is blank.
The White Pine news. [volume] (Treasure City, Nev.) 1868-1906, 1903-11-12

The uperintendent of an insane
asylum says chewing gum quiets
idiots. Then, for goodness sake, let
them chew.
The White Pine news. [volume] (Treasure City, Nev.) 1868-1906, 1903-11-12

Ernie-Are tunnels really dangerous
The Bachelor Should say so.
knew a man who kissed girl in a
tunnel one time and he had to marry
her.
The White Pine news. [volume] (Treasure City, Nev.) 1868-1906, 1903-11-12

Always shake In Aliens Foot Ease, a powder.
II cures hot, sweating, aching, swollen feet.
Cures Corns, Ingrowing Nails and Bunions.
At all Druggists and Shoe stores, pc. Dom
accept any substitute sample mailed FREE.
Address Allen ). Olmsted, lie Roy, y. Y.
The White Pine news. [volume] (Treasure City, Nev.) 1868-1906, 1903-11-12

Caroline hate himl | would do
anything | could to make him miser.
able.
Hazel-Then why don't you marry
him.
The White Pine news. [volume] (Treasure City, Nev.) 1868-1906, 1903-11-12

To-day drink some "Castlewood" Bour-
bon, or Rye Whisky. Highest grade Ken
lucky goods. Cartan, Mccarthy 4 CO.,
sole distributors, San Francisco.
The White Pine news. [volume] (Treasure City, Nev.) 1868-1906, 1903-11-12

why DO they call this a free coun-
tryf asked the unwashed anarchist.
'Because," answered the respectable
citizen. you are at liberty to leave 1t
II you don't like IT.
The White Pine news. [volume] (Treasure City, Nev.) 1868-1906, 1903-11-12

DO you know her well enough to
talk TO herr
More. know her well enough not
to talk to her"
The White Pine news. [volume] (Treasure City, Nev.) 1868-1906, 1903-11-12

Her flashing wit was spade bayo-
net, with which. when not piercing
her enemy, she intrenched herself.
The White Pine news. [volume] (Treasure City, Nev.) 1868-1906, 1903-11-12

Civilization is an evolution. The good
things, like "old Gilt Edge Whisky mark
the highest point in its progression. Re
member that, dear. Wichman, Lutgen
q Co, $40 Clny ST., s. II.
The White Pine news. [volume] (Treasure City, Nev.) 1868-1906, 1903-11-12

Women accept the confusion of
stalwart manhood as the profoundest
tribute TO their own power.
The White Pine news. [volume] (Treasure City, Nev.) 1868-1906, 1903-11-12

When a man of 80 gives the same
definition to the word romance as
a l6. year. old girl, ii means that he is
hopeless fool.
The White Pine news. [volume] (Treasure City, Nev.) 1868-1906, 1903-11-12

Mabel-A lot of us girls have estab-
llshed a secret society, Jack.
Jack-What are the objects of it?
Mabel-Why, we meet together and
tell secrets Of course
The White Pine news. [volume] (Treasure City, Nev.) 1868-1906, 1903-11-12

ClTC permanently cared. No nJs nervous
TIL ness after d rst days use OF DR.. klne's
Great Nerve Restorer send for FREE % 90
Trial bottle and treatise. DR.. X. II. Kline, Ltd,
sl Arch Street, philadeiphia, Pa.
The White Pine news. [volume] (Treasure City, Nev.) 1868-1906, 1903-11-12

Almost every day you hear men
who have neglected their work kick
ing about poor business.
The White Pine news. [volume] (Treasure City, Nev.) 1868-1906, 1903-11-12

Little Willle-What are dividends,
pa?
Pa-Dyldends, my son, are what the
stockholders get after the directors
appropriate their share.
The White Pine news. [volume] (Treasure City, Nev.) 1868-1906, 1903-11-12

II man is the guest of honor at
his own table longer than six months
after marriage 1t is a mighty good
sign.
The White Pine news. [volume] (Treasure City, Nev.) 1868-1906, 1903-11-12

Mothers will find Mrs. Windows Sooth-
ing Syrup the best remedy to use for their
children during the teething period.
The White Pine news. [volume] (Treasure City, Nev.) 1868-1906, 1903-11-12

Sun Flower Rye, the best family
whiskey. Spruance, Stanley X CO.,
San Francisco.
The White Pine news. [volume] (Treasure City, Nev.) 1868-1906, 1903-11-12

We prefer our pessimists young and
tender, like asparagus. Ten years
older and what bore even Hamlet
might have been.
The White Pine news. [volume] (Treasure City, Nev.) 1868-1906, 1903-11-12
HUMOR OF THE WEEK
STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN
OF THE PRESS.

odd, Curious aud Lsnshabie Phases
of Human Nature Graphically Por.
traycd by Eminent Word Artists of
Our own Day A budget of Fun.
The White Pine news. [volume] (Treasure City, Nev.) 1868-1906, 1903-11-12

The time comes to every one who is
unhappy when he would follow the
devil OFT, If the devil but spoke kindly
to hun
The White Pine news. [volume] (Treasure City, Nev.) 1868-1906, 1903-11-12

The greatest boon Health-keep il when
you've got IT, prevent lines by using Cnsearets
Candy Cathaflie, intestinal tonic. All drug
gists I0c, DC, soc.
The White Pine news. [volume] (Treasure City, Nev.) 1868-1906, 1903-11-12

Piso's Cure is the best medicine we ever
used for all affections Of the throat and
lungs.-Wn. o. EsDsLEY, Vanburen, Ind,
Feb. 10. 1900.
The White Pine news. [volume] (Treasure City, Nev.) 1868-1906, 1903-11-12

Great men are rugged and lonely,
like lighthouses, and, like light
houses, they are very useful
The White Pine news. [volume] (Treasure City, Nev.) 1868-1906, 1903-11-12

When a woman makes up her mind
TO be perfectly natural her friends
say she is becoming reckless.
The White Pine news. [volume] (Treasure City, Nev.) 1868-1906, 1903-11-12

Matilda. shouted old Crawfoot. an
gilly, stop pounding on that PLAINLY"
oh, papa llsped the girl In glng-
ham. the paper says music will kill
mosquitoes"
We'll. then, why don't you play
musieT
The White Pine news. [volume] (Treasure City, Nev.) 1868-1906, 1903-11-12

He-l hear you are TO be congratu'
lated?
She-Not at all, assure you.
He-Oh, then II is true that you are
engaged to young DeBlank, Ell?
The White Pine news. [volume] (Treasure City, Nev.) 1868-1906, 1903-11-12

Old Lady lin drug store,-can't you
wait on me, young MAN. I'm in
hurry"
Clerk Yes, ma'am. What can do
for your
Old LADY, want postage stamp.
Clerk-Shall lick II for you. ma'am?
The White Pine news. [volume] (Treasure City, Nev.) 1868-1906, 1903-11-12
This Is No Joke.

"What should the patient do while
awaiting the doctors aryal?' asked
the professor.
make his WILL" replied the pupil
who was wise beyond his day and
generation.
The White Pine news. [volume] (Treasure City, Nev.) 1868-1906, 1903-11-12

IoM-DIu MIks " aIDItT sing Tor you
the other evening when you called on
her?
Jack-Yes, she sung a couple Of
songs after a good deal OF pressing.
The White Pine news. [volume] (Treasure City, Nev.) 1868-1906, 1903-11-12
Hoods C0rsdpdriii0

Acts with the most direct, beneficial effect
On the kidneys. 1t contains the best and
safest substances for correcting and tsning
shese organs.