davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-04-26
WHEN THEY HAD COLD SNAPS.
Texas Liar Has Yarn About Freezing
Weather and Center of Gravity.

Yes, sir, said Col Teller Bigg, first
magnitude star liar of the Lone Star
state, when it comes to sudden freeze
ups Texas can beat what little is left
of all outdoors.
The Davy Crockett Rangers club was
holding a daily smoker and quencher,
and the colonel was sitting on sack
of prunes and toying with a can of I've.
He took a few pulls on his downraft
smoke producer and then continued:
In January, '73, me and Rud jack
son, one of the old-time ranger boys,
We're hunting deer on the south side of
a mountain in another part of the state
about 600 miles from here and at last
we started a bunch at close range.
Where we then were it was almost
summer warm and the air quite still.
The buck started for the north side OF
the mountain and we after him. All
at once we heard roaring, and every
thing indicated that 'norther' had
blown UP, but it hadn't yet made itself
felt on our side of the mountain. Just
as the buck struck the turn to the
north Rud got position where he
could make a shot and he let 'er go.
He hit the buck hard and the latter
reared up on his hind legs and staid in
that position as though carved from
wood Well, gentlemen, to make long
story abbreviated, just as Rud's shot
hit the buck that icy norther hit him,
too, and he was instantly frozen solid
and retained that reared up position"
AT this point Rud Tuttle interrupted
with. We'll, say, see here, colonel how
about the center of gravity? Wouldn't
that have pulled him down, anyway"
Center of gravity nothing" said the
colonel. THE tarnal old center was
froZe up, too
Then everybody as one man pre-
cipitately adjourned to the wet goods
department and revived extensively
/ with plain straight Rio Grande reviver.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-04-26
A TOO JEALOUS OFFICIAL.

John S Hord chief of the bureau of internal revenue
for Porto Rico, has been fired because he preferred
charges of smuggling against certain naval officers sta
toned in San Juan 1t is alleged that the charges
were unfoundedon the contrary, their truth has been
established by their action in consentng pay fines and
settle the
1t appears that Mr. Hord's chief was out of town
and he acted upon the information in his possession and
for the good of the service But it also appears that
any action tending to expose scandal in the Republican
administration IS not for the good of the service The
effect OF duty upon Republican party fortunes must be
considered before action is TAKEN with possession
OF proof Of crookedness in hand.
The fate of Mr.. Hord will serve a double warning
1t will United States officials find out the effect
of action upon politics before taking it, and will also
warn offenders that they free from the danger of &C
tvlty on the part of minor officials who may come into
knowledge OF their crookedness-provided they have
pull with the superior officers in the department.
The Porto Rican experience is one more of the
events which rapidly convincing the public that the
Republican administrators chief efforts these DAYS are
directed the suppression of scandals rather than to the
performance of public duty.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-04-26
COME AT LAST,

On New York, March q, two -hundret
Irishmen pelted the performers in NC
Fadden's Flats" having resolved to sto]
the performances which burleSque Irisl
character and Speech.)
Oh. the troubles come at last
p --.~-C Come at last! 'iIE
We have said it would. and pleaded,
Like Cassandra, all UNDECIDED
That reform was badly needed -a
In the dialectic caste
In the caste goo
OF the fellows who on stages s.
Move US on to tears or RACES
By their silly gags, whose age Is
Older than old iEgypt's past
Egypt's past.
o. the troubles come at last
Come at lasti
Many years they played the game
Played the game!
1Moike, Antonio, and HermanD
Lfbelled Irishman and German,
And ltali-an.-and were man
Not so scandalously tame.
Not so tame
Were an audience not SO easy
Long ago their woolly, wheezy
Stunts with rancid idioms greasy.
Would have come to bitter shame
Bitter shame.
Many years they played the game,
Played the game!
Twas the Irish, who arose
Who arose!
Would not stand for one McFadden.
Put him to the beastly bad in
York. and swore: mo more. bedad, In
Future monkey-Irish goes
Irish goeS!'
With approval deep, acute, on
Ireland's action looks the Teuton,
While, to swiftly follow suit on
Cali, the sons of Rome propose
Rome propose!
Twas the Irish, who arose!
New Orleans Times Democrat
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-04-26

Watch Chain high UP and rubbed him.
self with Eau de Cologne. They had
read Popular Novels until they were
trifle Moony. Their conception Of
Romance was to eat Pickles and write
Notes on Blue Paper.
Mas purpose, in studying the Book
of Etiquette, was to remove the Kinks
from this array of Raw Material.
She wanted each of the Boys to be
a Chesterfield, while the Girls were
expected to brace up and follow in the
footsteps of Mrs. Sherwood
AS Director of the Training School
she had to call them down about 1 900
times per Day. When she had Com
pany the Boys always forgot to arise
when a Lady entered the Room. When
Dinner was announced, they We're al
ways first at the Table. Instead of
conversing with the Persons seated
next to them, they bumped over and
got busy with the Vittles.
AS for the Girls, they usually flocked
in a Corner and had Whispering Bee.
At the Table they would get an Attack
of the Giggles, without letting any one
else in on the Good Thing, thus max
ing it very enjoyable for the Guests.
To cap the Climax, the Male Parent
would usually try to lift the Gloom by
spr1nging some ancient WheeZe. out
lawed by Haverlys Minstrels as far
back as 1880.
Ma had proud Chance to win
Social Standing so long as she was
handicapped by that Band of Yokels.
Just when she would be talking Art
with massachusetts Accent, one OF
the Boys would break in with a De-
mand for a Second Helping of Cauli-
flower. Or else the Prize Blacksmith,
in a well-meaning effort to be Hos
pitable, would urge the Lady Opposite
to pitch in and Eat some more.
After Dinner it often happened the
| Ma would tout the Accomplishments
| of the Young Ladies. Accordingly they
would be urged to Play Something. At
which, they would hang back and
| smoker and do a Sis Hopkins Speciality
While they were killing Time, Father
| would usually fall asleep with his
mouth open or else one of the Boys
| would upset something in trying to do
| a Sneak from the Room.
| AS soon as the last unhappy Guest
| had escaped into the Night, there would
| be a large sized Roast waiting for the
whole Tribe. Ma would sit up until I
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-04-26
THE LOST ART.

Ali the art of conversation-has It fed
With the dead?
Is there no one to appreciate the mot
Or to wait with eager eyes
For the wisdom of the wise?
I am driven to SurmiSe
1t is so.
For the people of the present never
stop
Talking shop;
They have idtotic hobbies which they
run,
And they gable Ger the port
OF their everlasting sport
Monomaniacs, in short,
Everyone,
Hear the cyclists talking gradients and
hills,
Brakes and Spills.
Hear them adding on the mileage. TIL
one feels,
As -one listens to the sound
With a misery profound
That ones brain Is whirling round
Like their wheels
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-04-26

o'clock reminding them of all the Hor-
rible Breaks they had made. She said
that sitting around in the Kitchen
cracking Hickory Nuts was about their
Size when 1t came to playing the So
ciety Game. She allowed that they
would be more at home if they moved
out to some Ranch and associated with
the Live Stock. When Ma got riled she
forgot her Culture Club training and
handed out a very Tabasco Line Of
Conversation.
She said she was good and tired Of
trying to make Ladies and Gentlemen
out of Flock of Yaps who took after
their Father.
At this, she would get a Rise out of
Father. He said he didn't propose to
strain himself being Polite to a lot OF
FOur-Flushes who owed him Money.
That was the Trouble with Father. He
was President of the Company and
seemed to think that his Official Posi-
ton gave him a Right to break Crack
ers into his Soup. He refused to wear
a White Tie with his Evening Clothes
just because some cheap Department
Manager had set the Style.
AS for the Offspring, they We're too
mullet-headed to get wise to Mas mag
nifcent System of doing the Heavy.
When it came to a toss-up between a
Pink Tea and a Variety Show, they put
their Spending Money on the Coon
Song. Any time that Ma drssed them
up and took them out to meet the Elite,
they hung back.
At last Ma saw that the only Hope
lay in shipping the whole Pack away to
high toned Schools in the East
For several Years the Rising Gener-
alton put a trrific Crimp in Fathers
Income, but at last they came home alb
speeded up and then they We're so Fly
that Father could not travel In the
same Glass and even Ma could get a
few Pointers from them.
At present they are tearing up the
Scenery in their Touring Cars and they
have the Nerve to tackle any kind OF
Society.
Moral: A patient Woman can Edu-
! cate any one except her own Husband.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-04-26

Once there was a Happy Family
that began to get a few hard Bumps
when Ma bought Work on Etiquette
Up to that time the Outfit had not
ried o throw on any Lugs.
The Male Contingent slouched
around the House in their Shirt
Sleeves, while the Girls often came to
Breakfast in their Balloon Wrappers
and never thought of primping until
about p. m. Father had an assert
ment of Rube Table Manners, left over
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-04-26

from his early Experience on the
Farm
He never saw the sense of changing
Knives when he hacked into the But
ter and as for using the side of a
Spoon, he never could get the Hang
of it.
Up to the Time that he married and
became House broke, he had been a
Sword-Swallower in 81 Beanery. For
Years he appended his Soup Plate, so
as to get all that was coming to him.
and cooled his Coffee in the Saucer and
concluded his Exhibition of Barbaric
Sports by using large, timber piece
of Bread as a Mop.
His Wife worked on him for TWEEN
ty years and finally had him so civ
ilized that he no longer tucked the
Napkin inside of his Collar. although
| he still put both Elbows on the Table
and groaned a little just before tack
ling the Pie.
Ma belonged to several Clubs, and
began to meet the Lady Managers of
Society. 1t was her Ambition to lift
| her own Family out of the Skate Di-
vision and get the whole Bunch into
the local 400. That is why she bought
the Volume containing this years
League Rules for cutting into High
Life.
She wanted the Boys to forget their
corn-fed Origin and do the Reginald
Act and learn how to act in the Pres
ence of Ladies. They were mostly
Hands and Feet and had no Ambition
in Life except to play Base Ball. but
still she went to work on them hope
fully, knowing that our most Exclusive
Circles are more or less clogged up
with Counterfeits whom Nature in
tended for the Hay Fields
The Girls were a Sad Lot when Ma
lined them up and decided to transform
them into Drawing Room Queens. They
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-04-26
WHAT THE EDITORS SAY

The dispatches say that "Col. Wat
terson spoke on Cleveland. That's
enough. Everybody knows what he
said.-Winona Independent.
The Minneapolis Journal and the st.
Cloud Journal Press have both sur
vived the 'Babcock legislature" al
though at one time it looked as though
both cases were hopeless.-Brainerd
Dispatch.
The primary election law is still with
US, having run the gauntlet without a
scratch. The law surely received bet
ter treatment than was expected
Austin Register.
The Minnesota legislature just adj
journed will be remembered more for
what it did not do than for It's record
of accomplishment Republic
an.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-04-26
Wet Shoes.

The usual-and the wrong way-of
treating wet shoes is to take them off and
put them on the fender or the radiator to
dry. This method spoils the boots. Too
much heat cracks and hardens leather
on their wet soies anywhere to dry.
The proper way is to place the boots
soies upward, near enough to the fire to
dry slowly and properly, but not to steam
during the uf-SS-ing.
The soles should always be turned up
ward, eyenswhen. the boots aIa onlyNa little
wet for this way enables the air to reach
the wettest part Of the leather first
American Queen.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-04-26
Goethe Predicted Panama Canal.

A German paper publishes the Interest,"
ing fact that the great poet Goethe pre-
dicted the building Of the Panama canal
by the United States. February, 1927.
Goethe said to his biOgrapher, Eckermann:
Certainly it is. that if it is made possible
to dig canal which would allow the
crossing of the Gulf of Mexico to the Pa
cifc it would have an incalcUlable result
for the whole civilized world. 1t will not
surprise me if the United States will en-
gage in such work"
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-04-26
Needs Refreshing.

Charley. can't you pay me that s1O7
L need the money!
Sorry old man, awfully sorry but
can't do it,"
Il notice you can manage to go to the
theater two or three times week,
though
That's just it. The thought that
owe you money is so humiliating that
have to do something to help me forget
it. 9-BroOklyn Eagle.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-04-26

were Gum Chewers Of the most aban-
dored Type, and what they did to the
English Language it would be a shame
to tell.
Each of them was more or less stuck
on some chinless Percy who wore his
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-04-26
FUN FOR OUR SIDE.

Plat and Odell are at it, hammer and tongs, in New
York Observers of the signs have predicted for some
time that they would clash and that when they did it
would be a happy day for the Democrats The clash
has come.
Odell has aspired to the leadership of the New York
Republican party since he came into prominence
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-04-26
Across the StYx.

Sir William Crookes, president of the
British association, says: There is no
bridge between the spiritual and the ma
terial world, and I don't see how there
can be" The Charon Ferry company
seems to have q pull.-Brooklyn Eagle.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-04-26

With Mark Hanna on its side labor need have
until after election
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-04-26

One thing is eertain-Wille K can afford to oct
married again if he really wants to.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-04-26

There is luck in odd numbers, and the to-be Mrs.
Vanderbilt hope for better from her third
matrimonial venture.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-04-26
Much More Sensible.

Jack. dear. when you are gone shall
pine away"
Don't pine away; spruce up."-Life.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-04-26

1t is proposed to mount gatling gun the
desk of the speaker of the Illinois house of representa-
tives
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-04-26

If Willie K. Vanderbilt will hurry up his wedding
some of the flowers used at Regges affair be used
over, thus saving good deal of money.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-04-26

Fitzsimmons hasn't anything left he declares: MOI
even the punch that brings the money.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-04-26

Uncle Sam is running the cars in Chicago now
and the result be valuable addition the literature
of government ownership.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-04-26

Having the bear in Yellowstone park President
Roosevelt will be given chance the tiger in Butte
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-04-26

Illinois has taken the Doodle prize from Missouri,
easily first.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-04-26

Lee of Missouri did not surrender Internationally.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-04-26
.Washington time q D. m. st. Paul..

The Mississippi will fall slowly in the
vicinity of st. Paul during the next thir-
ty-six hours.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-04-26

Copyright 1903, by Robert Howard Russell.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-04-26
Always Something Troubling.

The troubles of the various diplo-
mats in Washington are innumerabIe.
II for nothing else, the president need
ed vacation to get away from the
soul-harrowing questions always COM
ing up when diplomatic precedence is
in question. Baron Speck Won Stern
burg, the latest German ambassador.
and a sort of Teuton Harry Lehr. has
been the last one to get into trouble.
and 1t has to do not only with who
shall walk in first at dinner parties.
but he is left to fight out old fuses
left by his predecessor in office. If the
diplomatic questions could be settled
and we could really know whether or
not the other Mr.. Vanderbilt is 60
ing to be married, we might settle
down and enjoy the weather; but we
can't do thing until we do know.
The weather man said there was a
complete calm round here for four
hours the other day. 1t was just after
the legislature adjourned.
A late weekly paper has an article
on the mind of the modern actor. It
is short article.
A st. Paul man came home to din
ner the other night and was met by
the servant at the door, who said:
Don't make a noise; your mother-in-
law has just breathed her last. The
man put his hand to his face. Don't
make me laugh" he said, IT have a
cold-sore on my mouth"
Nab.
st. Paul. April Is, 1903.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1903-06-19
ENTERTAINED LADY FRIENDS
A Pleasant Society Event Occurred at
the Home of Mrs. Geo. E.
Logan Thursday.

Thursday afternoon Mrs. Geo. E.
Logan and Mrs. J. K. Smith enter
tanned at a five O'Clock tea at the
home of the former, and fifty ladies'
were present to partake Of the hospi-
tally Of the two ladies. The door
was attended by Mistress Mildred
Healey. The hostesses were assisted
during the afternoon by Mrs. S. G.
Boyce, Mrs. Geo. M. Rowley, Mrs.
Sid w. Smith and Mrs. VIM. M.
Smith. Tea was served at five o'clock
and an elegant menu was placed be-
fore the guests. The table decora-
tions were pansies and peonies were
used for other adornments. While
refreshments were served some excel
lent music was furnished by Misses
Roxy Butterfeld, Jeanette Smith and
Helen Hoon. The affair was very
much enjoyed by the guests and the
hostesses were the recipients Of many
deserved compliments for the success
OF their entertainment. Mrs. Logan
has but recently returned to Mitchell
and her presence In Mitchell society
will be heartily appreciated by her
many old time friends.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1903-06-19
THE PRESIDENTS RECEPTION
President Graham Happily Enter
tanned Faculty and Graduates
of the University.

Thursday evening occurred the n
nual reception of President Graham
to the graduates and faculty. Almost
every invitation was accepted in per-
son, and by $3.50 the pretty parlors of
the University were filled with guests.
Miss Moshier and Miss Chappell had
the entertainment Of the company in
charge. After an hour of con versa
tion on such subjects as would natur-
ally be discussed by such a coterie of
trained intellects. an excellent pro-
gram, arranged by Miss Elsner and
Miss Lee, was rendered. Prof. Lard
ner. Glen Greattrax and Ethel Brad
berry gave readings, while the music
was furnished by Ruth Youngman,
Burton Tanner and the ladies' quar-
tette, and Misses Ewart and Walker.
During the serving of frappe each
guest was given a small bouquet.
At the close Of the program those
wearing pink flowers were requested
to 20 to the college parlor, which was
found to be transformed into a dainty
dining room. Those wearing the red
flowers bore their appointment
bravely. and were rewarded a few
minutes later by being treated in the
same SumptuOus manner. Miss Starr
and Miss Ogin, assisted by the junior
girls, had charge of the refreshments
and there is fear on the part of some
that the guests we're partial to this
department. Of the program.
A most delightful evening is the
unanimous verdict and several have
been heard to remark that it was
the most enjoyable reception they
had ever attended.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1903-06-19
The Annual Sermon.

Sunday evening the corn palace
again held a large crowd for the an
nual sermon, which was delivered by
Dr.. j. G. Bigelow, the field secretary
for Dakota University. DR.. Graham
presided during the evening and he
was assisted by DR.. Nicholson and
Rev. Mr.. Butterfield, of Groton. DR..
Bigelow spoke on the subject "Know
Thyself." In this sermon the speak
er impressed his hearers with the i'm
portance of a%cquainting ones self with
his innermost being, to make a thor
ough examination of ones condition
for the reception of religious training.
DR.. Bigelow's effort was a marked
one throughout. He has never been
heard here on the platform, all Of his
work having been along the line of
promoting the financial end of the
University, but as a preacher he
stands in a high rank for the promul-
CATION of earnest thought. He re-
ceived many kind words from his
numerous friends at the conclusion
of the evenings exercises. These
three addresses at this commence
ment time were characterized for
their thoroughness Of thought and
the help that could be obtained by
the many who heard them.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1903-06-19
THE TRANSIENT MERCHANT
E. G.. Gard and Samuel Marks Ar
rested for Violating Transient
Merchant Ordinance.

Saturday evening complaints were
sworn to charging E G. Gard with
violating the city ordinance governing
the privileges Of the transient mer-
chant, and Samuel Marks acting as
a%uctioneer without a city license
Recently the two gentlemen came
here to open an auction store to sell
goods in competition with the estab-
lished merchants. The city council
passed an ordinance about two weeks
ago and placed the license at from SIS
to s25 per day for a transient mer-
chant to sell goods at auction, the
amount to be fixed at the discretion
of the mayor. The ordinance also
contained a section relating to the
license for an auctioneer.
The two gentlemen continued to
sell goods since then and Saturday
evening they were placed under ar
rest. This. morning they were brought
before Justice Mckinley and they
were represented by Wellington Meigs,
Fl. G. Preston representing the CITY,
MI. Meigs moved on a demurrer to
dismiss the case on account of the
unconstitutionality of the ordinance.
1t was denied, and the case pro-
ceeded. Evidence was shown that
Mr.. Gard violated the ordinance, and
the court pronounced him guilty and
fined him $50 and costs. Mr.. Marks
was also tried or following the occu-
patton of an auctioneer without a Ii
cense and he, too, was found guilty
by the court and was assessed a fine
of $40 and costs.
Attorney Meigs got out habeas cor
pus papers at one and they will be
presented to Judge Smith. Should
the court find for the defendants the
ordinance will be void.