The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1903-12-18
5 A Dogs Tale
. by. eWS co,v,ir,t Var.
{ Mark Twain pcr's Magazine.
by.
, Mark Twain


Harper's Magazine for December:
My father was a st. Bernard, my
mother was a collie, but l am a Pres
byterian. That is what my mother told
me; I do not know these nice distfnc-
lions myself. To me they are only fine,
large words meaning nothing. My
mother had a fondness for such; she
liked to say them, and see other dogs
look surprised n envious, as Won
dering how she got so much educa-
ton.
But, indeed, 1t was not real educa-
ton; it was only show; she got the
words by listening in the dining room
and drawing room when there was
company, and by going with the chill
dren to Sunday school and listening
there; and whenever she heard a large
word she said it over to herself many
times, and SO was able to keep it un
til there was a dogmatic gathering il
the neighborhood, then she would get
1t off, and surprise and distress them
all, from pocket-pup to mastiff, which
rewarded her for all ner trouble. If
there was a stranger, he was nearly
sure to be suspicious, and when he got
his breath again he would ask her
what it meant. And she always told
him. He was never expecting this, but
thought he would catch her. so when
she told him, he was the one that
looked ashamed, whereas he bad
Shought it was going to be she.
III others were always waiting for
this, and glad of it and proud Of her,
for they knew what was going to hap
pen, because they had had experience.
When she told the meaning of a big
word they were all So taken up with
admiration that, it never occurred to
my dog to doubt If it was the right
| one. and that was natural hanc,,co
for n thing, she answered up SO
promptly that it seemed like a. diction-
airy speaking, and for another thing,
where could they find out whether it
was right or not? for she was the only
cultivated dog there was.
By-and-by, when I was older, she
brought holne the word Uninte1lectual,
one time, and worked it pretty hard all
the week at different gatherings, max
ing much u~nhappiness and despond-
ency; and it was at this time that I
noticed that during that week she was
asked for the meaning at eight differ
ent assemblages, and flashed out a
fresh definition every time, which
showed me that she a more pres
ence of mind than culture, though I
said nothing, Of course.
She had one word which she al
ways kept OF hand, and ready, like a
life preserver, a kline Of emergency
WIN ~ oliop oA liz olI was Unity
to get washed overheard in a sudden,
way-that was the word Synonymous.
When she happened to fetch out Il
long word which had hal its day weeks
before and it's prepared meanings gone
to her dump-pile, If there was a
stranger there Of course it knocked him
groggy for a couple Of minutes, then
he would come to, and by that time
she would be away down the wind on
another tack, and not expecting any
thing; so when he'd hail and ask her
to cash in, I (the only dog On the in
side Of her game) could see her canvas
flicker a moment-but only just a mo
ment-then 1t would belly out taut and
full, and she would say, as calm as q
summers day, TITS synonymous with
supererogation," or some goddess Ions
reptile Of a word like that, and go.
placidly about and skim away on the
next tact, perfectly comfortable, you
know, and leave that stranger looking
profane and embarrassed, and the in
tttated Stating the floor with their
tails in unison and their faces trans
figured with a holy joy.