The Farmville herald. [volume] (Farmville, Va.) 1890-1934, 1903-02-06
A NEW ENTERPRISE.
BY MAX ADELER.

III you only had little capital 70 invss, ,
sald the young man, as he took A char snl
SAT down close to my desk, Il might ppt vo,
In the way Of good thing"
Oh, no. It's petrifaction eomn,rv.h,
Columbia Petrifaction comnanv ~ -'i Cia-'' .u'
eOan1y could spare you 100 shares"
w nat does the company doy"
why, you know, it owns a ljmeston.
spring up here in Clarion county. That sprino
used to belong to a man named Hert;mes
Jones One day, when his well ran 5rv
Jones went OH and brought bucket of va
yer from that spring and the family drsrk
H. Nnat was the consequence? Next morn.
ing when the neighbors called. Herlimer
Jones was sitting at the supper table turned
70 sohd stone. He had half OF a SAUSAGE ;r
ms mouth; that was turned to stone too
% was Mrs Jones, and Ellen P. Jones. and
herkimer Jones, Jr., and the baby The
limestone water did it. The heirs closed the
whole lot out to a sculptor named Ferguson
who arranged them in a group and sold them
20 the british museum as models from the
antique. That is, excepting the baby. He
put plaster paris wings on the baby and
passed him of as an original design Of
What about the company"
Wen, you see, the company at once
bought up the spring property and tbey in.
tend to go into the petrifying business upon
large scale. For example. s'pose'p Won
get contract from congress to execute an
equestrian statue Of Gen. Washington. First
you md horse; you make that horse drink
al the spring, aud there he isl Perfectly
splendid! Then you find a man who bears
a sort OF general resemblance to Washing.
ton. You arrange a picnic; get that man
up there in the woods; offer him a drink:
and IN II minutes you can chip spalls of
OF him with a stone-chisel Then YOU mount
your man on your horse, and there Won
have group OF statuary such as Greece in
her palmiest days would have given her
bottom dollar to get"
Il see"
The company, you know, purposes to
have the country poorhouse located near 10
the spring; and as the president Of the board
OF trustees owns so shares, we calculate to
solidlfy paupers right along, without inter.
mission, say 20 or 30 a day. Don't you see
what a magnificent prospect it opens up for
high art in America! We can fill any order.
Say you want statue Of Gen jackson, and
the only available pauper is too fat. What
do We do! We petrify him, and then we
chip him down and touch up his counte-
nance, maybe, with chisel. Suppose you |
want pair Of saints to work into the front |
door to a church. We select a couple Of |
venerable vagrants, harden them, turn their |
noses down, to give them dignity Of express
sion, and the bricklayers then can build
them right into the door jambs."
Suppose the demand for that kind of
statuary be smallg"
Then we come down to basis Of utility
It once. S'posin' there's a pauper with in
1ammatory rheumatism in his Leg We pet
rify him. We sell him to q doctor. That
doctor cuts of the leg with a marble saw,
and there he has that infammatory rheu-
natism right before him turned into gran.
lie. S'posin' one Of them has a torpid liver?
n two hours the doctors can examine that
liver just as il it was a brickbat, with the
orpidity sticking out all over il. Mind you,
{ the supply of paupers holds out, venture
o say that the day is not far distant when
'ou can take petri6ed livers, and hearts,
md muscles, and brain pans and build
wo-story house with them, with all the
modern convenisncss, a mighty sight cheap
T than you can build it out Of common stone.
imagine living in house made Of ossihed
ivers Be unique, wouldn't it? 1t would
ttract attention.
Il don't care for such things myself
,ut--"
"Gen. Bangs, be tried some curious expert
lents with the water out Of that spring.
lie threw bueketful on a cat that was jump
lg about on his back fence one night; and
here she is now, fur up, tail elevated, mouth
pen, picturesque and natural as life. Next
ight he soused another one; same effect
course; and now Gen. Bangs has l3 ex-
uisite statuettes OF cats in various atti-
ldes Of grace ranged around on his fence. Z
erguson, the sculptor, told him he couldn't 1
ave had those cats done in Carrara marble {
Europe under $50, 900. But, Of course, you
ave to be careful when you have the Co .
Imbia water around. Gen Bangs kept his
a barrel, and the other day bis mother
Flaw filed 6 pitcher from it, accidentally,
nd took a drink. One hour later it took c
Z men to carry her to the window so they ?
,uld lower her to the pavement with a C
srrick. She weighed nearly ton, and was O
hard you couldn't crack her with a sledge- ,
,mmer. The general was sorry, Of course; =
ID after he had her mounted on revolving .
,destal he kept her in his front parlor for
while, palming her of on his friends as d
imported statue Of Minerva. But, finally,
she excited unpleasant comments, he had
II cut into slabs and put into his cemetery
as tombstones. He had the gratifying $
fection that she is near those who were
ar to her. Let me tell you that If our
mpany once gets to work, and paupers
e plenty, a man who wants a variegated
mbstone can get something that will please n
, taste at rates that will make the marble n
I'd people sick" 4
1T looks like a good thing, but believe G
ion't care to 60 into it" g
IN tell YOU what III do. I'm little =
essed for money now, and II you'll buy 80 q
ares. YOU may take them at half price, y
q III petrify any Of your relations you say Il
nothing. How's thatg d
4 have no relations that want in that b
ndition." W
No aunt, or grandmother, OF anything X
Il would work up well into a table top, a,
slab for fixed washstand! o,
No" %
And you're going to throw away this =. -
lnce of promoting aesthetic culture and of " :"
ouraging the love for the beautiful in your W
n country" se'
I'm afraid so" to
he young man shook his head and sighed, at
L ne could hardly bear to thing Of the de- SN
eracy Of the times, and then he said; ar
Could you lend me quarter, anyhow oc
lent it to him, and be went away with
,lemn promise to repay it on the morrow.
ne must have gone to Europe to sell his
res. for be never returned.-N. \. III
ekly or
Reflections of n Bachelor. -
Tomen work statistics just they way they 49,