Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1903-02-05

rOOst quietly in their nest and watch
lot of bald-headed lawyers sit with
their heels up on table and yell: Il
object" whenever a scared witness was
led in and placed on the block and told
to say anything. At last, after the long
weeks had dragged themselves into
months and three or four lawyers had
been whipped by witnesses whom they
had yelled at once too often, deputy
sheriff would come forward and drive
the jurymen into a. corral by them
selves, where they would wrestle the
evidence around the room for few
hours and then agree to disagree, and
disband.
After this thing had been kept up I'M
til the chronic witnesses were begin
ming to die off of old age the railroad
company decided to use its divine
rights, so it socked it's switch in one
night while the citizens were busily en-
gagged in sleeping off hard days work.
But the next night the citizens crawled
out of bed at midnight, prepared
hasty toilet, grabbed up their divine
rights and a few agricultural nipple
ments, yanked up the track by the
roots and threw it in an alley to 60 to
seed Then they marched home with
glad whoop of triumph for the divine
rights.
There is nothing mightier than tlfe
divine rights of the average man when
he begins to get mad and turns rich
and beautiful shade of scarlet across
the back of the neck.
When the laws become a little bit too
sluggish and hollow chested the di-
vine rights step forward and take
charge of things. Divine rights afford
the surest way of getting justice or
black eye that there is. 1t is Justice
with her eyes united, and Ratchet in
her hand in place Of pair of scales.
A man with bad cold crawled into
the lower berth Of sleeping car on
western train late the other night and
in less than five minutes he got to
snoring about something SO earnestly
that he woke up everybody in the car
excepting the porter, who had cracked
so many people across the back OF the
neck with his whisk broom that even
ing that his great mind was completely
worn out. 1t was the most eloquent
and convincing snore that had ever
been uttered ON the road.
You take an ordinary man with bad
cold and jam him up in the corner of
berth that is about four sizes too short
for him SO that he has to sleep with
his neck twisted in three different di-
rections, and it is more than likely that
before the night is over he will get to
snoring to himself so enthusiastically
that the other passengers will over
hear him and lie awake to catch the
trend of his remarks.
But this was, no ordinary snore. He
had a characteristic way of pouring
forth his soul through the bridge Of
his nose, and then drawing in his
breath in a manner that sounded like
! he had inhaled his valise and was hav-
ing hard work to get it down.
Sometimes he would strangle on his
palate for four or five minutes, and
then try to choke himself to death on
it, but he never quite succeeded.
After awhile an enraged man across
the aisle, who had been waiting in
vain for the snorer to die, picked up his
divine rights and a No. 9 boot, drew
aside the curtain where the snoring
form lay, raised the trembling boot
high in the air, took deadly aim, and
then soaked the sleeping passenger
about midway between his floating ribs
and the breast pocket of his night
shirt.
The sleeping man quit snoring in
stantly, jumped as though he had been
startled by something, ran one of his
feet out through the pane of glass in
his window, yelled for the police, and
bumped his head six times against the
bottom of the berth above him before
he could get out in the aisle and learn
the true situation of affairs, while the
man across the aisle who had used his
divine rights rolled himself up in a
wool blanket and was soon sleeping
like hired man.
And so it goes every place. Every
man carries a certain amount of di-
vine rights up his sleeve for use in case
of emergency. You can yank man
through court until he is wan and
feeble, you can prosecute him, bulldoze
him, trif1e with his affections, sell him
fictitious corn saIve and freeze him a t
! his own hearthstone! but after a GER
tain point has been reached he will
whale away at you with his divine
rights and fill you full of gloom and
perforation and anything else he can
lay his hands on.
! HARRY DANIEL
NIAGARA Will Not Be Ruined.
! Fears have sometimes been eX-