Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1903-05-23
THE OLD RELIABLES

This is Just about the beginning Of the
season when the newspapers get good and
interesting" remarked the man with the
Nuelto Abajo smoke made in Wheeling. II
observe that the brainy and kittenish young
man who rocks the boat and precipitates
four of the most beautiful and highly re-
spected young women. all Of them mem-
bers of choirs. to watery graves, but man
ages to save himself-he always manages to
save himself-hasn't begun to get right
busy yet, but give him time-give him time.
June. anyhow. according to the spring and
| summer news dope charts that I've been
Keeping for many years, is the best month
Tor the pup who rocks the boat, and ex-
| pect to read a heap about him in the news
dispatches inside of a couple of weeks. The
man who wants to change seats in fat
Dottomed skill about seven times an hour
| has been doing pretty WELL however. con-
stderinR the earliness OF the season The
man VINO wants to constantly change seats,
| by the way. have observed. never knows
now to swim stroke. Quite few of him
have already gone to their last sad account
| lngs during the winsome month of May,
carrying with them over the great divide.
| OF course numerous strong swimmers, also
occupants of the fat-bottomed skiff. who
have frantfcally endeavored to save the
| seat changers.
Speaking of the strong swimmers, they
| cont generally get right busy in shutting
OH this mortal coil till long toward the
| middle OF July. Most all of the fellows over
whom the seashore doctors work unavail-
| lngly Tor two hours are described as strong
| swimmers. you'll recall. They're such
| strong swimmers that swimming within
the breaker line looks just too foolish and
trihing for anything to them, and, after
| they plant few girls on the board walk or
| the motel porch to watch 'em, they just
| overland it out beyond the breaker line to
| their last sad rites. as cute an cunnin as
can be. But. as I say. the strong swim
| mers don't begin to pipe out in sets of tours
ili long toward mid-July. and there are
| lots OF other regular standard newspaper
| features of the season to keep US busy be-
| fore mid-July gets around
Already. for example, we've s1rrowed at
| distance over quite few of the fellows
| VINO, never having sailed boat In their
| ives before, playfully loosen a catam,ran
from Its mornings and start out for little
| ride around the harbor or down the river
| as the case may be. The suddcncsI suuall
ever seen In these parts by the Oldest in
| naoltant always dumps the man who never
sailed boat In his life before into the hiss
Ing, angry pillows. Like the man who
wants to change seats in the skiff seven
| times an hour. the catamaran sailor who
doesn't know the difference between a lin
ooom and jakey band never knows how
| TO swim. either. and they always have to
borrow the harbormaster's graphing hooks
| bottom. A-o"i ''io
Extraordinary freaks of lightning are
some shy for this season of the year too.
although I'm expecting something doing in
mat line right quick now. 1t sort O. pains
me ana makes me feel lonesome to have to
romp way along to the middle or the flag
eno OF May without reading about the farm
er Wlfe, standing on her front porch, be-
ing knocked senseless by a bolt of light
ming out OF a cloudless sky'-ever notice
now many bolts drop out of cIoudless sky
IN the newspaper dispatches while the
DaDy that the farmers wife was carving In
ner arms wasn't bothered a little bit by the
DOT. out Just looked up and crowed and
nigh time for the lightning to get busy If
| II expects to keep its record maintained in
the DISPATCHES from Yeast Forks, Mich.
and Huily Chez. S. Oak
THE Whole Family Poisoned bv-Yca-
cream headline has been working quite a
rev tnls spring, but for some reason that
ISL ciear 70 me the whoppingest tuna ever
captured on Santa Catalina Island, Cal,
ana the stunningest salmon ever snaked
out OF the Tobique river. New Brunswick.
haven't yet been gathered Income to
tmnk or It, maybe the season for those an
nuai tales hasn't quite got this way yet.
ana so we can expect them to pop I'D a lit
tie later on f Np . 49,
I'm surprised to note that the young
man who wants to carve his name In the
highest rock Of the Natural Bridge NJ viz
g1nia hasn't been picked I'D In a mangled
ana nfeiess state just yet. but perhaps
he's laying low for little warmer weather.
sos to make his attempt bit more diff
cult than 1t ordinarily is But the bow who
dives off the bridge span forty feet above
the river into eleven inches of water has
got along on schedule time. Hes now in
the hospital. Living With Broken Neck
as the newspaper headlines put It. al
though. they add in the context Of the
story. he will be paralyzed and perfectly
helpless for the remainder of his life'
wen De getting these head-foremost high
divers into shallow water right along now
| until about the middle of September. and
as usual. the 'Remarkable-Surgic -Oprea-
ton headiine'n be slapped onto these sto-
RES every time they happen and the doc
| tors are trying to pull the broken necked
or broken-backed persons through
III I'm not mistaken. the boil weevil has
ALREADY begun to mess up the cotton crop
keeping tabs on that one, but sure am
surprised that. up to the present time
| there have been so few instances of 'cele-
brated mountain climbers having lost their
lives by pitching into 'crevasses' in the
Tyrolean Alps. Something wrong about
thls-have the celebrated mountain climb
ers quit climbing. or have the crevasses all
been filled up with the remains of cele-
Drated mountain climbers who've lost their
lives In them in previous years?
The obsequies Of the four shad fishermen
on the lower Potomac who always get hold
OF gallon of wood alcohol by mistake
and drink 1t at this time Of year have al
ready occurred. and the War Cloud in the
Balkans was Comprehensive as usual
haven't missed that old timer since good
old Towser was pup-but the Minnesota
cloudbursts seem to be soldering some
on their jobs. considering the season, and
It's about time for one or two of 'em to
get lively and sweep down the valley at
| the almost incredible velocity of one hun
dred and nineteen miles minute The
| usual number of excursion trolley cars have
refused to concede the railroad right Of
| way at crossings to through freight trains
and so I won't have to watch the markers
on those incidents.
However, by the time the Fourth Of
July-but that reminds me. by the way,
that we won't have to turn green with
envy over Norfolk's tremendous number
of tetanus, or lockjaw, cases after the com
ing 'old-fashioned' Fourth of July in Wash
ington-we'H have little home industry
of our own in the lockjaw line."
STREET RAILWAY employees.