The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1903-02-22

| WRITTEN FOR THE SUNDAY REPUBLIC
The Shopper-This exclusive animal
| which appears to have been designated p5
| Providence to keep man poor and humble
| is found In both Europe and America.
Although. however. it Is Indigenous to
the fauna of both Of these countries. 1t is II
America that it att1ns its most prodigious
growth and strength. to which we are
| doubtless. Indebted for the fact that the
American mar is the meekest OF his sex,
and the champion long-distance Splinter
after the dollar.
classification of this interesting creature,
owing to the circumstance that only mar
ried men have studied the species at close
range, and they write of 1t with a manifest
prejudice and venom that robs their obser-
vations of all weight.
Some OF the scientists go so far as to de-
clare that the shopper is the original YAM
pire, that bleeds a mans pocketbook to the
last drop that is in it. Others affirm that 1t
delights In torturing its victim by pulling
its leg, but the truth of the matter seems
to be that it merely belongs to the class of
animals that have no grip. and let things
get away from them genus femnibus bank
ruptus).
In appearance the shopper is inconspicu-
GUS, being chiefly noticeable for carrying a
bag stuffed full of samples and newspaper
advertisements. These. however, render 1t
SO formidable that people give 1t the RICH
of way. and men especially flee at its sp-
proaeh.
1t has been found impossible to obtain
any accurate Information as to the habits
of tine shopper. According to the most re-
liable data that have been furnished on the
subject, it is. at times. q most docile. in
telligent and affectionate domestic animal,
performing its tasks with Willingness and
ability. when suddenly it will be attacked
with a wild mania, and, breaking every re-
straint, will rush off TO the bargain coun-
ter.
These fits, which are similar to those
which seize animals in the West after eat
ing the. loco plant, seem to be occasianed
by reading the advertisements Of the de-
partment stores in the Sunday newspaper.
for which reason many eminent clergymen
advocate the abolition of the Sunday paper.
Arrived at the store. the shopper rushes
wildly up one aisle and down another with
no apparent purpose. but will lock horns
and fight with another shopper over the pos
session Of something that neither of them
wants.
The species move about in herds, charc-
ing In a body on any counter that seems
TO be popular, but they are easily stamped
ed, and the sight of a pile Of junk marked
For this day only for $3.50 will send the
whole bunch at it, and cause them to eat it
In these mad rushes the old and feeble
and the very young are trodden down and
nave their clothes and hats torn OF
them, but when the buying fever is on them
the intrepid creatures never stop as long as
they have a penny left
A popularity of the shopper is its utter
Indifference to hunger and fatigue while
on one of its raids. 1t will sustain itself by
nibbling at a cream puff, and although ordi-
Earily go fragile and weak 1t cannot walk
a block or sweep a room. it will lead 4 CEN
ter rush on a counter of markcd-down shirt
waists with a vim that would make a foot
bail player look sick.
Another interesting characteristic is that
the Shoppers sole iHea seems to be to get
rid of money, and il WI buy anything. It
go out with n lis Of a special sale of
tin pans for the kite aen. and come home