The Birmingham age-herald., 1903-04-12

road an tn gr-reatest nobles in France took to sittin' on their hats befure goln out, to make thim look like tn Hat Obadiah which had become tn style. An whin he wint away, which he did not because be was not succiss- full but because he needed fresh fine cut, he was followed to tn boat be tn king an all the rile family.
 Thin was tn modest days iy tn raypublic, Hinnissy. It's diff f'rent now that we've become a wurruld power. Tn sufferin's iy some iv our ambassadures on ac- count iv their clothes has been turr'ble. I was r-readin' tn sad case iv tn ambassadure to Rooshya, tn Hon'rable Charley mayne Tower iv Phillydelphy, Pa. II I had that name, dlyvle a czar wud scare me. I'd ask fir no uny- form, Tn name itsilf is unyform enough. Some names sounds like overalls; some sounds like a long coat an a high hat, but Charley mayne Tower sounds like tn clothes q boss knights templar wears ivry three years. It has forty pounds iv epaulets on it's shoul- ders. It's tn kind iv name Gin 'ral Miles wud like to wear fir a unyform. If had that name I'd go to tn palace in sheet an ixpict tn guards to fall down on their faces. But all tn time he was in Saint Petersburg, Charleymayne Tower suffered tn gr-reatest tor ture on account iv tn clothes he had on an tn clothes he didn't have on. He had no unyform. At coort rayciptions he looked like a plain clothes man at a fancy ball. He was enable to perform amy iv tn great jooties iv an ambassadure. Ivry shtep was blocked be his mis'rable attire. He was double-crossed be tn lowliest iv diplomats who were entitled to put on glad, bright things whin they wint to see tn Czar. Wan day he come rollin' up to tn palace carryin' in tn tail iy his simple black coat a mos important threaty. He had made nanny at- timpts to have this threaty signed be tn Czar but tn Czar had al- ways spurned him owin' to tn machinations iv Lord Ronald, tn English ambassadure an Veecont Boulbaze, tn Fr-rinch ambassa- dure. Both these naughty ann bassadures had a window dhress- CT firm a gint's furnishin' store fir a valley an whin tn American ambassadure stood alongside iV thim, I tell ye he looked cheap.
 But this day Charleymayne Tower was prepared to brave tn Czar in his very throne. He roll ed up In his carredge an tn sintry cried: Who goes there?' Tn ambassadure iv tn United States iv America, huroo!' says tn coachman. That man?' says tn sintry. TO tn kitchen dure with ye, waiter,' he says. Well, tn ann bassadure stified his rage an at timpted to explain about himsilf an tn sintry run him in. Yes, sir, he run in tn ambassadure iv these United States an they was jus about to take his phottygraft an sind him off in tn Black Maria to Sibeerya whin a gran jock come along an identified him an they let him go. He hurried to tn throne room where Nicholas, Czar iv Rooshya, was settin' on his rifle throne, an took his place in line. Tn ambassadure iv England wore tn gorjous unyform iy his statlon
 tn ambassadure iv France jingled with medals; tn ambassadure iv Chiny wore pink an green tea gown. Wan be wan they was pre- sinted an tn Czar complimented thim on their clothes. Very tasty, Lord Ronald Handsome pants ye're wearin this day, Veecont.' Ling Ching, me wife, tn Czaretta, wants me to ask ye tn name iv ye'er dhressmaker.' But whin tn ambassadure iv tn United States bent his proud knee befure tn Czar, tn naughty monarch said with an evil smile: Carson. bring tn check Oh he wint on. pre- tlndln' to jus recognize Charley mayne Tower, I didn't know ye at first. l thought ye was tn