West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1903-04-16

son tutheu the hdnutc OF an ola
tanning mill so fast as to shake the
whole thing down, but these things
were not recorded.
Gentlemen" says Elder Spoon
er, while know there is nothing in
it, Pm for giving it thorough test.
We will drink another pint apiece
and watch for symptoms"
The pail was emptied aud Jabez
reflled it. He wasn't in on the
drinks, but his face wore a grin af-
ter that second drink had been tax.
en-. symptoms" soon developed.
Deacon Hope, who had been carry
ing bland countenance, suddenly
sobered up and turned to Deacon
Thomas and said:
Deacon, durn your hide, but
believe you'd hide stones in load
of hay"
"What's that" shouted Deacon
Thomas. "Say. you old hog steal
er, don't you go talking about me
or I'll knock your head off,"
Peace was made between the
two men but moment later Good
will Jones brought Benjamin
Sehemerhorn mighty slap between
the shoulders and cried out:
Chow is it old man. Do you lick
your wife as often as you used tor"
al never licked her."
''You are liar"
sLemme get at him."
There were two or three other
outbreaks, but by and by the dove
of peace came and all cried on one
another's shoulders. Then Elder
Spooner stepped up to the cider
pail for the third time and huskily
said:
Ladies and gem'len, we have
met here to test this hard cider
question, and, by gum, we are 60
ing to do it. say it won't intoxi-
cate, and the man who says it will
is liar"
"Knock his head off," shout ed
Saul Johnson.
ON knock yours off instead"
whooped Goodwill Jones.
Elder Spooner stopped the row
by drinking another pint, and while
the cup was going around Jabez
Stebbins ran into the house and
said to his wife.
"Hanner, you come out to the
barn in about 10 minutes aud you'll
see more fun then boss can draw"
He made no mistake. Ten min
utes after that third pint was down
Elder Spooner proposed country
dance, and all began to shuttle,
cavort and sing. AS they hoped
about they knocked one another's
hats off and punched one another
in the ribs and their whoops could
be heard half mile.
The horse-play lasted about
quarter of an hour. Then they fell |
upon one another's necks and cried.
Then Deacon Hope charged Elder
Spooner with putting only cent in
the contribution box the Sunday
previous, and the elder character
lied him as human hog and the |
fight began. 1t went all over the |
barn and out into the yard and over
the fence, and when it ended six
men lay where they had fallen and |
slept and snored.
Jabez had to drive to town to |
get help to load them into the |
wagon, and one by one they were
delivered to their homes. Of
course taelr was more talk, and 1t |
was week before the committee /,
reported. The substance of the re-
port was:
"Owing to the fact that a eye
lone come along and destroyed the
barn before we had finished our
test, we can't say whether hard CT.
der intoxicates or not. We suggest,
however, that it be kept mostly for
the peddlers, lightning-rod men and
piano agents, and that any of them
found drunk be fined to the full |
limit Of the law"
To this day the question is still
an open one, and whenever an
'anti" ask Elder Spooner how he
came under a hayrack fast asleep
that day, his reply is:
81 was blown out of the barn,
sir, and / lay stunned instead Of
asleep, sir, and don't want TO hear
M fnora folk about IL e.