Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1903-11-17
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shaky. 1t may break down some
night. Proprietor-Musti 1t be rebuilt?
Clerk-Oh, NO; light 1t Uptown
Topics.
"Say, mamma" queried little Mary
Ellen, whats a dead letter." Amy
letter that is given to your father to
mail, my dear" replied the wise moth
er.-Chicago News.
Now" said the teacher, "can you
tell me anything about Hiawatha ?"
| "Yes," replied Henry; "it's the tune
that made Longfellow famous. Chi
cago Record Herald.
An old Scotchwoman, when advised
by her minister to take snuff to keep
herself awake during the sermon, re-
piled: "Why dinna ye put the snuff
in the sermon, mon?
Frank-I've got even with James at
| last Edward-How did you do it?
Frank gave his girl pair Of pretty
| vases, and he will be ruined in keeping
them filed with flowers.
Mistress-Bridget, don't you think
you can get along without so much
company? 1 am sure no one else would
stand it. Bridget-Sure. ma'am, thot's
why Oi'm staying wild ye.
/ "Mr. Nozzleton,'' she said, 'if you
try to hug and kiss me again I shall
he asked "He's in the Yellowstone
Park."-Chicago Record-Herald.
Does your wife do much fancy
workT' Fancy work? She won't
even let a porous plaster come into
the house without crocheting red bor-
der round it and running a yellow rib
bon through the holes.
Smith-May make a confidant of
you? Jones-Why, certainly. Smith
Well, I'm hard up and want ten
pounds. Jones-You can trust me;
am as silent as the grave. L have
heard nothing.-Pick-Me-Up
Newly Bride - Mamma says
she does not think we will ever quar-
rel as she and papa do. Groom-Nev-
er, dearest Newly-made Bride-No;
she says you will be much easier to
manage than papa was.-Tit-Bits.
Algy-Gwace has a hahwid father.
When 1 awsked him for her hand 1
said, "Love for your daughter has
dwiven me hawf cwasy. Cholly-And
then deah boy? "Then the old bwute
said, Has, eh? Well, who completed
the jobT"
"He's an inventive genius, and the
most successful and prolific one 1 ever
heard Of" always inventing some
thing new, Ell" "No; he's always in
venting something old and making the
public believe it's new."-Philadel-
phia Press.
The presence Of mind Of an impecu-
NOUS lover was illustrated recently at
a bazaar, where there was stall for
the sale of watch charms. "Oh,
George" said the lady, "buy me
charmw "Sarah," answered he, you
have too many already
Miss Romanz-Of course, you've
read that new love story Of his? Mr..
Crabbe (reviewer)-Yes; had to. Very
realistic, wasn't 1t? Miss RomanZ-
Oh, the idea! Why, the dialogue be-
tween the lovers was perfectly silly.
Mr.. Crabbe - Wen?-Philadelph
Press.
Fritz, a German lad, and little Tom
were very fond of each other, although
neither could understand what the
other said. 'Why, Tommy" said his
father, ''your playmate does not speak
English, does hep" NO" said Tommy,
"but when a bumblebee stung him yes
h. iol in, TNnu1iSh oI1d T
derstood him!'
Your huband, madam said the
chief of police, has been arrested on
the charge of arson" whats that
mean?" demanded the woman. ''It
means that he is accused of starting
the fire at his place Of business
that Nonsense! I've been mar
ried to that man twenty years, and he
never would start the fire."
Mrs Scrooge-I am writing to ask
the Browns to meet the Joneses here
at dinner, and to the Joneses to meet
the Browns. We owe them both an
invitation, you know. Mr.. Scrogge-
But I've heard they've just quarreled
and don't speak! Mrs. ScroogeI
know. They'll refuse and we needn't
give a dinner party at all!-Tit-Bits.
One day when little Elsie came
home from school her mother asked
her what she had learned that day.
Elsie replied 81 learned to spell man."
"Tell me how you spell it, DEAR" said
mamma ''M-a-n, man. replied Elsie.
"And how do you spell boy?" 'You
spell it the same way, only with small
er letters" replied Elsie, after mo-
ment's thought.
Scene-Platform of suburban sta
ton. Small crowd looking out for the
King Edwards Special, due to pass
through on it's way to Port Victoria.
City Man-What's it all about? Por-
| ter with knowing wink)-Dook O.
Lancaster going through directly, sir.
City Man-Never heard of anybody
with that name! Porter-Weli, e calls
'imself the Dock o. Lancaster, but it's
reelly the King travelling in congo
| Punch.
| In crossing the ocean father and
| eo,. hofI, hoco mo vnr.V sick The