Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1903-07-01
The Miasing Spoons.


A stage load plodded, sore and tired,
Drenched by the slowly falling rain,
And every other mile bemired.
It was before the railway age;
The only rails the travellers knew
We're those with which they pried the stage,
Watches, and appetites as we'll,
Informed them 1t was nearly noon,
When distant view of q hotel
Gave promise of dinner soon.
At this solemn passenger
Addressed his comrades, one and all,
And In his voice was, az IL were,
The sadness of funeral:
"My friends, I've travelled here before;
And yonder, where you see that sign,
I've stopped dozen times, and more,
With expectation there TO dine;
'But some conspiracy, fear,
(And deem It due to you to tell),
Exists between the driver here
And those who manage that hotel.
a'aThis is the plan, as have found:
First in the progress of events
The burly landlord comes around
With his demand for fifty cents;
"You scarce begin to eat before
The sound Of rambling wheels is heard,
The stage is driven to the door,
The cry is given, All aboardf
ssThen Unexpectedly you find
That you are called on to decide
Whether to eat and stay behind,
Or leave, though still unsatisfed.''
"Wall, now, by Jimmy, guess,n
Cried one who palpably had come
From come remote down.eastern place
Within the bounds of "Yankeedom,'
81 rather guess that shall eat
A meal that isn't cut in two,
And when my dinner is complete
Will ride on with the rest of yOu,n
Replied the other, every well;
II you can get the benefit
OF one full meal at that hotel,
Just tell us how you manage 1t.
They reach the house; the passengers
Dismount, all hungry, wet, and cold
There everything, In short, occurs
Precisely as had been foretold.
For half an hour they wait supplies
Before they hear the dinner bell;
Meanwhile the Yankee occupies
The Intervening moments we'll
For one thing-he becomes aware
Ofthis suggestive circumstance:
The driver, In the kitchen there,
Is eating dinner In advance.
At last the passengers are called
They rush to occupy their seats,
Their throats with burning coffee ecald,
Nor pause to masticate their meats.
), They scarcely have begun before
Thepublican collects his pay
The stage Is driven to the door,
And they are called to start away.
A hungry and indignant set
Into the stage again they climb;
Thadriver says he cannot wait,
For he must start on "schedule time.''
All but the Yankee; he sat still,
And swore, .'Now by the great horn spool
Here shall stay and eat my fill, 80
II 1t takes all the afternoon!''
81 cannot go with you just yet;
don't propose to pay my cash
At this hotel unless get
The value back In ham and hash"
The stage refused to be delayed,
And towards Its destination pressed;
The meal that hungry Yankee made
Struck terror to the landlords breast
Coffee and Goldfish, pork and beef,
Potatoes, bread, without a pause,
To an amount beyond belief
Went through the maslstrom of his jaws.
Then spake the Yankee: "on the whole,
A better meal rarely git;
Now II You'll let me have q bowl
OF bread and milk think I'll quit!"
The bowl Of bread and milk was brought;
The Yankee looked about, and soon
Inquired, "Say, landlord, have You got
About your premises, spoon!"
The landlord looked the table DER
And then the cupboard standing near;
And then his dark ming features bore
The tokens of q sudden fear:
81 surely had some spoons" he said,
"Of no great worth to any one,"
Which were upon the table laid
For use, when dinner was begun;
.tAnd then some spoons of silyerware,
That had my wife's initials on,
Were lying in the cupboard there
But every one of them is gonel"
Snow. l should really like to know
II all the folks, this region through
Exclaimed the Yankee, fare as slow,
And green, and innocent, as you!"
"If so, it must be for the best
The stage has left me in the rear;
shan't 60 any further west, Is.
But stop and settle down right here!t
"What do You mean." the landlord cries;
us this time for ridiculeS"
"Do you suppose" the first replies,
That every traveller is fooly"
..Do you suppose" the Yankee adds,
N "That stage-load yonder, If you please,
Are but lot of helpless lads
Whom you can swindle at your ease.
'Do You suppose they all would pay
For dinner here, and then would 90
Without obtaining, in some way,
A fair equivalent, quid pro quo.'
''Let all your snppositione 20;
Say something definite, If you can;
II there Is anything yon know,
"Well, this know, and don't suppose:
The Yankee said, twas one of those
Who stopped for dinner here today"
"And could you, do you think, point ont
The thief, II you should see the man ="
Replied the Yankee, 'I,veno doubt
That very easily can"