Bisbee daily review., 1903-03-25
CHANGE OF
 PROGRAMME

tCopyright. 1902. by McClure's Newspaper
 Syndicate.l
 When Deacon Abner Perkins of the village of Grafton had been a widower for two years. he married Sarah Ann Bridges, a spinster of thirty-six. Sarah Ann had been a friend of the deceased wife for several years. and when Mrs. Perkins was told that her days were numbered she called the deacon to her bedside and said
 "Abner you will mourn for me. but you will get married again in a couple of years. You'n need somebody to wash and mend and bake and keep things going. Sarah Ann Bridges is good tempered, good hOusekeeper and hard worker, and I'd rather you would marry her than any one know.
 The deacon jotted down the initials of Miss Bridges name on his memory. and in due time called upon her and made her his wife. He was glad. Sarah was glad. and no one had any criticisms to make. A hundred differ ent people said they knew Sarah like book, and that the deacon couldn't have done better. He thought so. too. for three or four weeks. and then he began to doubt. One morning the new wife suggested new window curtains for the parlOr, but the deacon turned to his store book and proved to her that the old curtains hadn't been up but seven years. and that they ought to do for seven years more. It was the first time he had crossed her, and Sa. rah flushed up. rolled her eyes and then fell down in tit. A doctor and three or four women worked over her for two hours and finally brought her back | from the grave, and the parlor win dows had new curtains the next day. Tbat was where Deacon Perkins made ! his mistake. but he did not realize il until later on. Sarahs sudden illness was supposed to be due to a weak 1 heart but it is no great trick to fool | doctor once or twice.
 Ten days had passed. and the new wife was cleaning house, when a sew | ing machine man came along. He | hadn't told half his story when Sarah l decided that she must have a machine | The deacon's first wife always had done her sewing by hand, and the hus- | band himself had regarded a sewing
 machine as an invention of Satan. He 1 promptly put his foot down on the con- | templated purchase, and Sarah as 1 promptly fell in heap again. It was | long three hours before she was | about the house again, and upon the 1 advice of the doctor the deacon bought i the sewing machine.
 1 A month later, when Sarah wanted new shoes and was put off, she fell over | for the third time. On this occasion | however, the doctors suspicious were aroused. and so were those of some of the women who had helped 10 draw her back from the grave. It was de- cided to be a case of Sulks and nothing ! more dangerous. The doctor stated his belief to the deacon, and the deacon agreed with him. but that didn't mean that Sarah Ann would go out of busi- ness
 The next fit she had lasted twenty | four hours before the doctor was called and the next thirty-six, and then Dea- con Perkins realized that he had | problem to deal with. It was evident that Sarah would lie right where she | fell for a week unless something was | done. He went to the minister. Minis ! ters are not supposed to be posted on stocks and bonds and bricky rds, but most of them have had experience
 with wives. He made a suggestion. Two weeks later that suggestion was | put into practice. Sarah Ann wanted
 bell on the front door, but the deacon
 promptly replied that all callers could
 make themselves heard by pounding
 on the door with a club. Sarah fell
 down in one of her usual fits and the | deacon cried out that she was dead at
 last and rushed for certain neighbors. l They came, together with the doctor | The latter pronounced the woman dead,
 and the women began preparing the
 body for it's last resting place. l There were three of them, and they
 had good deal to say. They coDgrat-
 ulated the deacon with all their hearts on regaining his freedom, and they
 married him again to the Widow Lee. The doctor advised that the cheapest
 kind of a coffin should be purchased.
 As the deacon bent over her he said h.
 shouldn't have much of funeral pro
 cession and wouldn't shed any more tears than he could possibly help.
 Sarah Ann slipped off the bed and 1 made for the broom sitting on end in corner of the room. The deacon jumped for the door, but received a
 couple of whacks before he could get
 out. Tn the yard he was run twice
 around the henhouse and into the kitchen before being brought to bay.
 sarah Ann, you are dead wom-
 anr' he exclaimed as he grabbed for | the broOmstick.
 No; ain't either?' she replied a.
 she fought him off.
 | "Go back and behave yourself and don't disappOint me again. There
 hasn't been a funeral tn town for over
 year. and if you come to life this | way no woman will lend you a cup of
 sugar or a fatiroD."
 But Sarah insisted that she was alive.
 But I want you to understand"
 saif the deacon. anxious tc tcs+ tho