Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1903-05-30
J0BSON'S- GREAT PLAN

The perspiration was rolling in rivulets
from Mr.. Jobson's brow when he arrived
home from the Office one hot and humid
evening last week. He soused himself In
tub Of cold water. but 1he mere exertion OF
drying himself after the plunge made him
warm all over again. Mrs. Jobson didn't
take any chances on trying to engage him
in airy perstfage when he came down
stairs for dinner-there wasn't any air STIR
ring. anyhow. and Mr. Jobsons heat-warp-
ed countenanceAdidnt invite Mrs. Jobson
to frivolous conversation. He only picked
at his dinner the while he Illuminated
against the righteousness OF the climate
just about four days previously he had
been moaning nAiserably, Il wonder II this
Internal town is ever going to get warm
enough to mHke 1t fit for anything but an
EsQuimau to live mr. Now, however. II
was, This merrte month of May fake gives
me the earache-that's what 1t does! The
Internal gall Of the thermometer humping
itself up to the u mark in mid-May IN
Washington-a fellow might just as wei!
move down to the Isthmus OF Panama ana
be done with it!''
To comfort him and give him surcease OF
sorrow Mrs. Jobson read to him news
dispatch in The Star stating that, there
were ten feet Of snow in Coutts, Mont. and
that the Thermometer registered 8 degrees
below zero out that way.
I don't believe any such paioef.
dashH GROSSLY replied Mr.. Jobson.
don't believe that there's that much cooi-
ness ON the planet-the whole blooming
sphere is one gigantic blister. and I'm bolt
ing right in the hottest part Of tt-blast
such climate as the one that's disneo
out toeus here, anyhow-rn bet that that
Death Valley we read SO much about ism
a marker to it!'' '.
Whereupon Mrs. Jobson, espying the dan
ger signal. subsidized.
After dinner Mr.. Jobson rocked himself
at a parlor window. welding a palm-l
out: s So "-r
why. it's funny I never thought Of 1t
before-it's the SWEETEST scheme that ever
came into my headY'
What is?" obviously inquired Mrs. Job
son. who looked cool enough. probably be-
cause she wasn't expanding foot-tons OF
energy in fooling with fan. 1.ss.1
Why" said Mr.. Jobson. full OF the en-
thusiasm Of his great idea. well rent this
house furnished-just as she stands-to
some unfortunate couple idiotic enough to
want to stay in Washington during the hot
months. or that can't get out Of town dur
Ing the heated spell-and We'll go out Into
the country and board somewhere for the
summer-to Tenleytown. or Bladensburg.
or Anacostia, or Falls Church-anywhere
to get a breath OF air and dodge the blamed
Gehenna-like dog-day heat Of Washington.
Now, what dye think Of that for a bully
planr'
But" said Mrs. Jobson. you know how
you've always despised boarding, and how
you like your home cooking. especially
when all OF the fresh vegetables and fruits
and
Just wait minute. If you please" In
terrupted Mr.. Jobson. This thing Is not q
question OF fresh fruits and vegetables-it
80 happens. am glad to say. that am
not thinking Of my stomach every minute
that I'm awake. like some people that
could mention-but it's plain question OF
whether you want to have me in a parboiled
state in Washington all summer, with the
chances more than even that III be over
come by the heat in my own bed right in the
middle OF the, night before autumn. or
whether you can reconcile yourself to my
having a breath of endurable country air
while the hot months last. That's the prop
you'll put yourself on: record as to how you
stand on it, . To
.'Oh. you know how little 1 suffer from
the heat" began Mrs. Jobson. land OF
course want You to be comfortable. but
well. it's settled them" broke In Mr..
Jobson. effectually choking off Mrs. job
sons but" "Lll write the ad. this evening
and YOU can take 1t down to The Star Office
first thing In the morning-elegant house.
fully furnished for housekeeping. for rent
from June LIST to October, 1St-rent merely
Notwithstanding like that" and Mr..
Jobson was 80 full Of his great scheme that
he went right upstairs and wrote the ad.
and read 1t aloud to Mrs. Jobson and then
stuffed It into' her chain purse SO that she
would be sure to have 1t inserted on the
following day. 3f-5sjs.s1'G -.- '-'a-
1t was still exceedingly hot and humid on
the following morning. and at the breakfast
table Mrs. Jobson asked Mr.. Jobson IL he
was still In the same mind as to renting
the house, furnished. for the summer.
Il don't change my mind every twenty
minutes, Mrs. sJobson." he replied. crush
ingly. as he wiped his brow before clapping
on his hat. Mrs. JobSon. obedlent to or
ders." had the ad. inserted that day.
A cool. rollicking breeze out Of the north
west sprang up that afternoon, and Mr..
Jobson was whistling cheerily when he ar
rived home. -
the yacht racesr' he said. dehghtedly, to
Mrs. Jobson as he ate his dinner with gusto
but Mrs. JObsOn did not look happy.
Mr. Jobson was watering the front yard
grass with the hose. and humming to him
self. when they began to arrive. They
were the folks who had read the JobsOn
advertisement OF furnished house for the
summer. Mr.. Jobson had forgotten all
about that affair. and he looked at the
stream OF prospective furnished house ten
ants with amazement plentifully mixed
with wrath. He dropped the garden hose
and went into the house and gloomed
around the sitting room while the process
sion Of crtticising women and their help
less but half-irOnical husbands were taken
all over the house by Mrs. Jobson. There
was a lull In the PROCESSION along toward
8 o'clock.
Mrs Jobson.' sternly commanded Mr..
Jobson. you will please get on your hat
we are going to close this house UP against
this tide of impertinent rubbernecks and 20
for a car ride"
Mr.. Jobson kept his lips tightly COM
pressed until they were on board the car,
Then he turned to Mrs. Jobson with an ex-
preston of deep pain.
80" he said. sepulchrally, you have at
last rugged up q scheme to take the roof
from over my head. have your
Dear me-" began Mrs Jobson, didn't
you tell me to"
you've finally cooked up a plan to have
the things that it's taken me years to get
together macerated to pulp and ruined and
destroyed. hey?' said Mr.. Jobson ignoring
her words. and warming up. But It don't
go. madam-Im telling you thatlit don't
CO."
But" hopelessly expostulated Mrs job
son, didn't you tell me that you were 90
ing to live In the country this summer.
and --,..
i've been living in Washington for a
good many years, madam. and the capital
Of the United States Is good enough for
me-" broke in Mr.. Jobson. And if YOU
think for q holy minute that you're going to
chase me out OF my own home, during the
best season OF the year for housekeeping.
just because you're too tired to keep house
If you think you're going to turn my bed
So 49,