The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1903-12-18


much. / was thinkin' about me old
father. He broke his pipe last mont,
an he amt had none since, an he's too
poor to git annuder one. l was lookin'
at these. Gee! If / could git enough
Of the stuff together. / wouldn't do
thing but buy that there one for him
me poor ole father
This was said with an air of the
greatest frankness, although Mr.. Red
ney Burke had always considered his
father, as did many others. in the light
Of a genteel myth. Still he thought to
himself that if he had a father and if
he himself were worth few million or
so he might-he didn't commit himself
upon the subject, however, even in his
thoughts-he might blow his father to
pipe some time. This considerable
sentiment, he reasoned, justified his re-
ply to the philanthropist.
We'll, well,' remarked the latter,
glanclng down at the disinterested
specimen before him, 'but what would
you like to have now for Christmas?'
Rodney shook his head. Il amt per-
teller about meself If l could git that
there pipe-an'," he added as he scent
ed possibilities heretofore unsupported,
IAN good bit Of smokin' tobacco, an
one of them there rubber things to put
it in-say, if I could do that for the old
man-say! An wouldn't he feel stuck
on hisself! But. gee, wots de use? !
can't do it, SO might as we'll be 60
in"
He made this last remark because he
knew intuitively that brevity, which is
the soul of wit, is also the essential in
charitable enterprises. Good impulses
don't last forever, so he moved off.
shaking mis- head as he went.
The big man looked up and down the
street to see if he was observed, then
he stretched forth his hand and caught
Rodney by the arm.
Here, my boy" he exclaimed gently
as he showed a five dollar bill into Mr..
Rodney Burkes reluctant grasp-"here,
go and get the pipe for your father and
then go and get something for for
yourself, and-and have at least one
happy Christmas that you can look
back upon" His eyes glistened a bit
as he said it, and, to his credit be it said,
| he did not regret the impulse or the do
nation for full two hours thereafter.
'"T'anks," said Mr.. Burke, with bit
| of scrape and stiff sort of bow
''t'anks from me an me old mani"
The next day there was queer for.
| nation in an unfrequented corner Of
| the play yard Of the Fourteenth ward
| school. This formation resembled more
| than anything else an Eskimo hut, but
| composed, instead Of inanimate ma
| terial, Of a very animated and interested
| crowd of boys gathered around a COM
| mon center. From the aperture in the
! top Of this human Eskimo dwelling,
| and therefore frightening the illusion,
| assembled a column of smoke, and as it
| assembled to the skies there came a
| voice from within.
Gee, fellersr' said the voice. Gee,
| but amt this great?" 1t was the voice
| Of Mr.. Rodney Burke, the votary of my
| Lady Nicotine, the center of an admir-
| ing crowd. He smoked pipe-the pipe
| Of his heart-and he filed it from a red
| rubber case.
Just fits in me pants pocket" he OBJ
| served. And as he said it he pulled out
| few dollar bills and exhibited them
can / got four more plunks left!
What dye t'ink ?" he said.
Later, in the class room, the teacher
lifted her head high in the air and
| shifted.
"Some boy" she remarked severely,
''has been smoking. want to know
who it is.''
| She looked-not around the room-but
directly at Mr.. Rodney Burke. He fair
~ reeked with tobacco and he knew it.
Under the circumstances, therefore,
he side stepped with alacrity into the
aisle and looked squarely into the
teachers eyes.
"Me old wo-me MOTHER he explain
ed glibly-"me mother had a smokin'
jag on yestiddy, an had to stay home
an fill her pipes, an me clo'es is full
OF it. It amt me; it's her. Dye see?"
Then he whipped out a small, new
leather pocketbook with a brand new
penny in it and handed it over. "An'
merry Christmas to youv Miss Burt
whistler he remarked.