Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1903-03-31
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Most of the men who own flying
machines are holding them for rise.
baltimore American.
Mrs. Henpecque- Married men live
longer tEan single men. Henpecque-
1es; and it serves them right.-Detroit
Free Press.
Mary" said the mother. sharply.
you mustn't say Well l never That
=, slang" "Well never slang mother
:; J know it,
used TO consider him one of the
most interesting takers l ever heard
''Yes; but that was before he began
telling the cute things his baby saya'
Not one, but many: Mrs. Stubbsy-
They have captured the cleverest hotla
robber in the country. dear Mr. Stubs
Indeed. Which hotel did he keep?-
Tit,Bits.
Literal. Mistress-What in the worldj
are you putting ashes on the door for.
Bridget? Bridget-Shure ma'am, an
didn't yez say to doost the parlor?-,
Town and Country.
The modern novel Is bounded on theI
east by blocd, on the west by thunder.
on the north by gossip. on the south
by inanities and is surrounded by ad-
vertisements. Baltimore News.
Doctor" said the wife, do you
think dyspepsia makes my husband ir-
ritable? Il know it," replied the man
of medicine. I'm try to get him well
so can get my bill without a kick"
"Little Boy" demonstrated the Kind
old Lady. don't you know il is very
wrong for children like you to smoke
cigarettes? 2" Jaw, gwan," replied the
Incorrigible. 30 youse expect me t eat
EN- ?"-Cincinnati Commercial Irib-
une.
u understand" said the German
town girl, that you and Charlie are
engaged" 'Not yet" replied the truth
full maid. although be held my hand
for over an hour the other evening, and
that's good ways toward being en-
gagged.
John, dear" said the poets wife, Il
wish you'd write a poem that'll buy
three pounds of beef; and Wen need
sonnet for ham, nm ode for a sack OF
-four, a lyric Cor lard, and a quatrain
for box of matches. There, believe
that's all this morning. Atlanta Con-
stltution.
In your vermiform appendix" the
surgeon told him after the operation
was over, 1--WE eound. strange to say,
a small brass tack" THAT proves |
was right" feebly answered the sick
man, when / said it was something
had eaten In mince pie. Chicago
Tribune.
Yes" said the meek looking woman.
Tin glad Mr. Barker isn't on jury
duty any more" Did be find it irk-
some?' Very. Mr.. Barker couldn't
express an opinion without appearing
TO agree with some of the other men,
ana it irritated him terribly. Wash
ington Star.
Jeweler-Diamond shirt studs? Yes,
sir here's a set, neat little stones. for
1925. Customer-Huh! Out home in
California l can get Jeweler-Ah,
yes, pardon me, here you are. Just look
at these big flashes. Three carats eachI
Sell you that set for $350.-Philadel.
phia Press.
PERSONAL Mrs. Clifton-Yes, she
was furious about the way In which
that paper reported her marriage. Miss
Ayondale-Did it allude TO her agee
Miss Extraordinarily. 1t stated that
Miss Olde and Mr.. Yale were married,
the latter being a well-known collector
of antiques "--Saxby's Magazine.
"Why don't you try 20 live down
| your past?" asked the visitor at the
| jail. ITS no use" answered the pris-
oner. "Not If you're sincerely sorry.
BEN sorry don't do no good When
dey'ye got your picture in de rogues'
gallery you've got to git ont o de busi-
ness It's worse dan bein' up agin
trust" -Puck.
Washington officials say young wom-
en- handle money more 4dpidly than
older ones, and there can be no doubt
about It. The amount of money that
can pass through the hands of a young
woman has frequently paralyzed a
Young husband who thought he was
something OF a spendthrlft himself.
st. Louis Post-Dispatch.
Flendish revenge The burglar soft
ly opened the door of the suburbanite's
sleeping apartment, slipped inside, bur
found nothing worth stealing. Darn
him. he soliloquized: EN- get some
satisfaction out of him. anyway
Thereupon he set the alarm clock on
the bureau for the hour of three, and
softly departed. Tribune.
Could recommend them: II would adj
wise Ju," he said 10 the friend he was
taking home to dinner, ''to try some OF
my wife's branded peaches. OF course
| know you don't care for them ordln-
arily, but these are worth trying" "Ex-
ira good, are theyY We'll. l bought
tie brandy myself and dumped an ex-
ira bottle of 1t in when she wasn't
looking Chicago Post.
The baby's cries outclassed: Mira.
Flnnegan-S hure, Mrs, Murphy. does
yaz baby croy much wild cuttin' bis
lathe? Mrs Murphy-Indade, Mrs.
Finnegan, be twists up bis mouth a
bit, but whether Its croyin' or laughln'
it's meself that don't know. Mrs. Fin
negan-It's kiddln' me, yez are, Mrs
Murphy. Mrs. Murpby-Indade ofm
not. Mrs. Flnnegan: it's boiler foun-
dry that we live next dure to.-Phila.
ceIphla Telegraph.