Lincoln County leader. [volume] (Toledo, Lincoln County, Or.) 1893-1987, 1903-06-05
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A bargain: Got a talking machine
at home? "Yes." "What did you
pay for it?" Nothing. Married it,
Bits.
Prhaps it takes several larks to make
summer, but it doesn't take many
swallows to bring a fall.-CorneU
Widow.
Too Much Breakage.-The Maid
Shall dust the bric-a-brac, mum? The
Mistress-Not to-day, Nora. dont
think we can afford it.-Pick-Me-Up.
Yeast-Well, he has something now
he can't control Crimsonbeak-Gra
cious. Has he bought an automobile O,
been getting married ?-Yonkers States.
man.
Fudge-Yes, all of Browns hopes
went up in smoke, eh? Fudge-Yes;
his hopes were that his coal supply
would hold out until summer-Balti-
more Herald.
Advice to the Widow.-Widow (tear-
fully)-"Yes, my daughters are now
my only resources. Friend-Take my
advice and husband your resources
well.-Princeton Tiger.
whats the difference between the
TrampS' Protective Association and a
golf tiend?" "Well?" "Why, one links
the tramps, and the other tramps the
links. princeton Tiger.
Teacher-Bessie, name one bird that
is now extinct. Little Bessie-Dick!
Teacher-Dick? What sort of bird
is that? Little Bessie-Our canary-the
cat extincted him!-Puck.
Miss Sentty Mental-The man mar.
ry must be brave as lion; one whom
nothing could swerve from his course.
Her Suitor-Ycs, but l can't afford an
auto.-Chicago Daily News.
Where it really did hurt: Tommy
Did paw say it hurt him worse than it
did you? Johnny-Nope; but it did, cuz
while he wuz whalin' me l stepped on
his corn.-Indianapolis Sun.
Teacher-Johnnie, this is the worst
composition in the class, and I'm COINS
TO write to your father and tell him.
Johnnie-Don't keer if We do; he wrote
it for me.-Detroit Free Press.
Wasn't even a real one: Uncle (trot-
ting Harry on his knee)-Do you like
this, my boy? Harry-Pretty well; but
l rode on real donkey the other day
at the Zoo.-Harvard Lampoon.
sour new cook is treasure" "Does
she make choice dishes?" No; but she
can drop tin pan so it sounds exact
ly as If she were breaking out best cut
glass bowl."-Indianapolis Journal.
Judging from what he. says, he
doesn't believe in college education"
"Why, nevr heard him declare against
it." '"Oh! no, but what he says is al
ways ungrammatical. cal."-Philadelphi
Press.
On the Train.-Tourist-- think, sir,
you had better close the window on
your side. There Is such draught
your mother-in-law may catch cold.
Traveller (smiling)-I know that.-Paris
Figaro.
Miss Passe (coy)-Now, do you think
| look my age2 Capt. Candor-I don't
know what your age is. Miss Passe
(coyer)-Twenty-seven. Capt. Candor
No; you certainly don't look it.-Bos-
ton Globe
Husband drritably)-It isn't year
since you said you believed our mar
riage was made in heaven, and yet
you order me around as If l wasn't
anybody. Wife (calmly)-Order Is
heavens first law.-New York Week
ly.
1T never pays to hurt peoples feel
ings," remarked the Humane Chap.
"Oh, l don't know" replied the Wise
Guy; friend of mine makes a pretty
good living at it." "Who is he?" "a
dentist. Cincinnati Commercial Trib-
une.
Internal evidence: Grandpa-Yes, It's
a good thing for boy to travel, Fred
dy. 1t develops him. If he has any
thing In him, travel will bring it out.
Freddy (who Is precocious)-Yes, dis
covered that when | was crossing the
Channel.-Tit- Bits.
Am l to understand that you were
> discharged from the army for a mere
. breach Of etiquette?" queried the inter.
ested friend. Eyes, SIR" boldly assert.
ed Colonel Blupher. what was it?"
!, Turning my back to the enemy
: Philadelphia Record.
, Home Appreciation.-"It must be q
a great satisfaction to have such pa
p latial apartment" said the old-time
!. friend 1T Is" answered Mr.. Cum