The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1903-05-31
BY GEORGE d CHESTER.

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stilts, SO as to get over the ground faster,
but he nearly broke Its neck on the first
attempt, and the Holstein gave nothing
but sour milk for nearly a week. so he
gave up that plan as a failure.
Finally Ike got an idea that made Edi-
son look like a rank amateur He turned
the wood-house Into a workshop. and put
padiocks on the doors and windows. For
the next three months, as soon as he got
through with his milk route every day,
he buried himself In that shop and tinker
ed away for dear life. One day he came
home carrying a fresh cow-hlde, and in
side another week he called Mrs. Poke
berry and the children out into the back
lot and swore them to secrecy.
Mrs Pokeberry." said he, tell your
children to gaze upon their father; the
man who. by his own unaided genius, Is
about to lift them and you out Of the
depths of poverty in which you have so
long wallowed, on account of my weak
back"
With these impressive words he threw
open the door of his shop, and led out his
marvellous mechanical cow
1t was wonder. You couldn't tell 1t
from real COW to save you, unless you
happened to notice a row Of little round
SpOASt d Hills III cOlOT lIOtu It's
hair, that ran down the right side of its
neck. These round spots were electric
buttons. Ike touched one OF them and the
COW switched her tail. He touched another
and 1t kicked at a fly on its stomach. He
touched another and 1t chewed like high
school girl. Another button made 1t lift
up its head and moo another made it roll
its eyes, another made 1t look round at
the man who was milking 1t and three
afI H. II 60
1t was q masterpiece all right, and the
best part of 1t was that it held forty gall
Ions of milk.
Well, Ike looked upon his fortune as
made, He made Mrs. Poleberry pull up
stakes and move nearer to the city, and
it wasn't a week until he had milk route
that kept him busy. He invented patent
milk go near like the real article that a
Jersey COW might have been proud to
claim 1t as her own. He began to make
money hand over fist, and to spruce up
so that every now and then he had to
brood over the awful mistake handsome
and progressive man like himself had
made by marrying such plain and I'M
interesting woman as Mrs. Pokeberry.
Naturally Ike thought lot of his COW
and, as time went on, he began to Look
upon the beast as a real, live creature, OF
a remarkable degree of intelligence. And
there did seem to be something almost
uncanny in the thing. During the heat of
the day Ike would turn it loose in the
pasture and, to see 1t stalk around crop
ping the grass, or lying under the trees
slowly chewing it's cud, was enough to
make man shudder If he knew the facts
in the case. There seemed to be a strange
bond of union between the man and the
machine, too. When Ike would come to
the fence, while that cow was wandering
around the pasture, 1t would be sure to
finally bring up where he was and come
to rest with its nose poked affectonately
against his neck. This little trick used to
bring the tears to Ike's eyes every time
1t happened. He was very tender heart
ed man.
All things must come to an end, and
Ike Pokeberrys marvellous mechanical
cow was no exception to the rule. One
day, after Ike had Just MIXED it In front
of a customers house, a stray COW came
along the street and saw this thing of
iron and steel wires. The contrap tion
might fool mere human beings, but it
couldn't fool this bovine and some natural
instinct threw 1t into a rage at the libel
on the COW family. 1t gave a below
threw its tail into the air and made a
dash at the artificial affair. Ike came
tearing out of the house in time to scare
the real animal away, but not in time to
prevent It's horn from slipping along the
neck of the sham COW. The tip of the
horn ripped into the row of electric but
tons along the neck and crossed all the
wires!
The mischief was to pay, right away!
That marvellous mechanical COW started
to go through all its stunts at once, and
there was no stopping 1t.
whoa, therei'' cried Ike in a mastery
voice, as he reached the scene of action.
The COW reared up on its hind legs and
mooed and dashed its tail, catching Ike
a swipe in the eye
Ding blast 1t, I say, whoa there!"
shouted Ike, and the COW came down on
its front legs and mooed and kicked out
with its hind legs, catching Ike under the
chin and lifting him ten feet away.
Whoa doggone you. whoaw Ike
screamed. and the COW tore around in a
circle and mooed and rolled its eyes and
stepped all over Ike as he was trying to
| get up from where he landed.
Whoa, there, bust your hideY' yelled
Ike. and the COW jumped straight up In
the air, like a bucking broncho and
mooed and gave Ike another swipe with
| its tail.
"Consarn your ugly picture. I say
whoar roared Ike, rubbing the dust fur
Their into his eyes and making a desperate
grab for the row Of buttons The COW sim