The Savannah morning news. (Savannah, Ga.) 1900-current, 1903-10-11

hospital where sick, deformed and in
firm letter are doctored, cured and
sent on their way rejoicing, to fill the
end for which they We're created.
There is fascination about the dead
letter office; a certain excitement in
reading and building up romances up
on the letters of strangers. Nearly
everybody takes an interest in work
ing out ingenious methods of solving
puzzles, whether they be REFUSES, CO.
nundrums or letter-addresse unintel-
ligible to the uninitiated. 1t has all
the attraction of detective work, Rhis
hunting down of some careless letter.
writer to do him a favor Certainly
every daughter of Eve will appreciate
the pleasure of officially opening some
body else's package, perhaps to find
a gold watch, or a diamond ring, or
a skull, or a rattleSnake; and of learn
ing from letters the dearest secrets
OF others, even though they are never
to be divulged.
The millions Of letters that come
every year to the morgue are drawn
from all classes of mail communica-
ton and furnish an epitome of the
correspondence of the country. The
first step in their treatment is to
examine them in order to discover
whether they have received the pre-
scribed consideration from the post
master, who, forwarded them to the
office. If neglect on the part of any
postmaster is discovered, he is hand
ed over, to the tender mercies of the
blowing up clerk, who then states
facts to him. A vigorous lecture in
which the Bureau expresses it's amaze
ment and surprise at the unpardon-
able ignorance, etc, is the most severe
punishment inflicted A few years
ago a clerk in city postoffice had
occasion to handle parcel addressed
to the Smithsonian Institution. 1t
was sent from a postoffice in Texas,
and a label on the outside informed
the public that it contained two live
scorpions, a live centipede and a
Mexican spur. The clerk was natuar-
ally somewhat furried at the thought
that he held poisonous varmints" in
his hands and his agitation was in
creased when he received from a hole
in the box what he believed to be a
sting. 1t was discovered that he had
only cut himself from projecting
rowel of the Mexican spur. There is
no such danger now, since the postal
authorities have ordained that no live
critters" shall hereafter be sent by
mail. At the opening table the con-
tents of such letters as need to be
opened are discovered. In former times
the champion letter opener was he
who turned in the most money as the
result of his labors, and much in
genuity was exercised in the selection
of letters likely to prove valuable. One
of the numerous improvements in the
present system makes the number of
letters opened, whether containing
money or not, the test of efficiency
But the influence of the old custom
still makes the eyes of some of the
clerks g!isten when the opening of a
letter brings to light a bill of large
denomination. Special efforts are, of
course, made to return or forward all
letters containing valuables. over
ninety per cent. of such letters are
thus disposed of. Some letters con-
tanning a small amount, sent under
fictitious names for improper pur-
poses, after failing of delivery are
refused by the senders, who disclaim all
knowledge of them. Thus the commun-
ication is left suspended after the
fashion of Mohomets coffin, between
writer and addressed. Twelve thous-
and dollars is the largest amount of
money that has ever been found in
and consequently bogus, found in one
letter was for 81, 900, 00O50. The guess
ing desks" at the dead-letter office
are always Of interest. Long practice
has made the clerks experts at their
work At one desk addresses are
translated instructions detected, and
writers saved from the natural conse-
uuences OF their carelessness. The
editorial capacity of reducing Eng
lish letters words twisted into an inky
labyrinth of words run into a hori-
zontal line, the power of putting ones
self in the writer's place, an acquain-
lance with the usual mistakes of mis-
direction, and a minute knowledge of
localities and directories are neces-
sary for success in this work. 1t de-
serves a high price, but does not
command more than that of the lady
clerk who counts coupons or pastes
strips of vellum over the cracks in
old muster-rolls. and who might as
well leave her brains at home for all
the use she has of them.
-e-11p-s- -.
Animals have a language made up
of signs or inarticulate sounds express
ing Impressions. sensations, passions,
hut never ideas. So this language ex-
cludes conversation and is limited to
Intersections or signs or movements