The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1903-06-09
THE MAN
ABOUT
Town
BY
Harry Tucker

We have been informed by the Hon
orary Member, who Is editor Of thu
Butchertown Gazette, that our aubscrip-
ton is due, and that unless 1t Is paid
UP at once he will discontinue sending
the paper. II will accept cigars, tobacco.
chewing gum or soft drinks in lieu OF
cash." he says. The last number came,
however, and we gtye some cxtracts;
A STORY.
There was once an old man that lived
even before the days OF George Wash
ington. His chief occupation was IN
amusing the general pubic. His repertory
consisted OF a choice lot OF original gags,
grand stand he always played to thS
benches. Tho old mans name was
Diogcneese don't know his first name,
but think twas Bill.
His favorite stunt was looking for an
honest man. with magic lantern. "
course, he had to have magic lantern
to find an honest man. even IN them
days
But when a man goes out to look for
an honest man these days he don't carry
no lantern; he carries q warrant. IN case
he should find one.
We've searched the ancient records, put
we have failed to find whether Diogeneesd
found any honest men or not.
But Judging from the state OF affairs
mere in Richmond. wo are unanimously
inclined TO think he didn't. But II we find :
one we'll put him In the poor-house. and
starye him TO death; and " we fnd
thief we'll put him in jail and turn on
the electric fans and order his meals
from the nearest hotel.
But II all the honest men were IN tho
poor house. and all the thieves We're ~
Jail, we would have enough Of men With
both accomplishments and double ac-
,b,n, N n
A POEM.
We met n little Alderman,
Who was totally on the hog.
For the commemorative Attorney
Had run ABREAST his log.
We heard him spring his ancient gags
And heard his Council spiell
And then we knew that others
Yero mixed UP In the deal.
Oh! where are they. I pray. pray, you
tell,
Who made off with the swag?
And left you here meath Davies eye
TO hold tho emty bag?
They're on the grab. with halowed
And squarness unimpeached.
They turn THAR backs on red-hot stoves,
And things that can't be reached.
But yet it's so. bring forth the book
I.llsswear by boodlers Heaven,
THAT though I'm left to hold the bag.
/. n The bunch was even seYen'
And as we left him at the jug,
n He fetched knowing wink
And said tho bag In left to hold.
Is en,ty-I don't mink.
WISE SAYINGS,
There's men around this city who can
stand more 1olts OF leclrlc currency 1aaH
lightning rod.
They say honesty Is the best policy.
But IL honesty's goin' to work long side
of policy. we want to know who's pulling
thu drawings.
The laws of gravity amt In 1t with the
laws of reaction You see q millionaire
going to the races to-day and ten
thousand dollar automobile, but to-mor-
row you may see him on his way to the
lanyard perched upon the spinal column
of a razor-backed, brndle mule.
NOTICE.!
We are anxious to get friend of ours
Job in an orchestra. He says he used
to blow clarinet but he lost his voice,
He can do good stunts with bass drum,
and wo asked Professor Stein and Pro-,
lessor Harms to look him ovor.
PUBLISHERS NOTICE.
We wish to state that 1.-The circulation
of the Gazette Is greater than the com.
bined circulation of all the papers pup'
lished In RutchertoWn. Last week nina
names We're added to the subscription
list. and we expect to soon install
Washington hand press SO WI; can get
out the paper on time and meet the pss.