The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1903-10-31
A TILT OF THE WITS

list wit and humorist arrived on the Lu
cana. He has come to deliver a series
of ectures-"Peps at Parliament" and
~.Pme Ministers have Known" among
otfrs.
Thy is it an Englishman cannot APP
preate an American joker" Toby, NJ
p, OF Punch. was asked.
was never much conscious of the
inbiity myself. replied Mr.. Lucy, but
II answer the question by telling story
oiMark Twain. who is one of the most
dIightfuI men l ever knew.
lat dinner given to the artist E.
n Abbey, by Mrs. Abbey. and which was
surprise to the artist. l met Mark
fwan. After dinner ne proposed to me
to Start in partnership with him week
~ newspaper to be called The Obituary.
Tie scheme was TO print obituaries
abou PERSONS before they were dead,
writig the most delightful things that
coultbe said about them then send them
a prof and demand $3.50 for suppressing
the obituary.
.'Jst before sailing for America I wrote
Mr. Twain telling him mat / had never
receed a cent from The Obituary and
asbdi him how the paper was getting
alog.)
'fhfs morning when The ship arrived
yceived from Markf Twain this note ::
EAR Mr.. Lucy-You arrive on this fore
ps1. l leave on this afternoon in order
/teavoid an accounting.
I He neds to account to me, l fancy.
B's gone off in disguise, I guess.
That's one American joke I under
noq1 anyway" concluded Mr.. Lucy.
When Mark Twain. WAC was about to
sail with his wife and daughters, the
Misses Clara L. and Jean Clemens, and
(wit Mr.. and Mrs. Charles H Hapgood
of llton, H., on the Princess Irene for
-ItaE, was told of Mr.. Lucy's story of
thepartnership the American humorist
reued:
hats true We did talk it over There
nefr was better-paying institution that
CID be devised tina nthat weekly paper
ny Obituary. The object was to write
tIra mans life while ne was living and
I'D money out of him, because you can't
ate UP a man when he's dead. There's
u money in a corpse.
( What he wanted TO do was to write
man very thoroughly, cover up a..
| IS spots and cover them up cleverly.
pr there are few men that don't have
pots in their lives that can't be arts
tically1 covered.
Then we were to send a proof of the
obituary and demand $3.50 for its sup
preston, $3.50 for the privilege of cutting
and thinning up and polishing it as
much as he pleased. with the privilege
of an many copies as he desired
e. the end, by paying more money.
q ntA could have as fine an obituary
as he could pay for-one that his family
wotli. he proud of
'Thre was no circulation to the paper
That the losing end of the newspaper
gam
''VHen ] got home to America I con-
cludi that more money was to be made
by vain than by two. so l gently but
firm. had simply to eliminate Lucy
froi the money-Inaking proposition, be-
bedIse wanted it all myself
calculated that Lucy wouldn't come
>ssFe until tomorrow. so l should not
hal sent the note until l was out of
thcouintry.
sIky is a good fellow. I hope he viii
deefi but in his case and with his lee
ting prospects l am reminded of what
q Harvey. of Harpers' gave me the
ger night lie said that the Harpers,
far as their arrangement with me was
ncerned. were living on hope, while I
as living on accomplished certainties."
G Mr.. Clemens was up early yesterday at
We Grosvenor. for there were four wom-
two of them invalids. eighteen pieces
81 baggage. and one man besides him
Delf in the party The steamer was to
sail from Hoboken at II a. m.
The humorist had his own troubles in
getting the party started On account
of his wife's health chilly. but also with
the Intention of accomplishing some liter
AIRY work he has started for the Villa
Reale di Quarto in Florence. His daugh-
ter. Jean, will act as his amanuenss.
We'll, always felt sorry for Noah"
remarked Mark Twain at the Grosvenor.
because Noah had a whole lot OF trou-
bic in getting all his animal aboard the
ark.
I am peevish today. I have absorbed
all my wife's pugnacity and all my
daughters audacity."
At the pner the first gentleman to come
UP was affable tax assessor. who
wanted to know politely whether Mr.
Clemens was coming back to America.
About the Casey house at Tarrytown
Mr.. clemens said: Y rented it for only
a year. As a matter of fact. / have got
tired of paying rent Tor four houses and
only living in one house"
Col Harvey, president Of Harper's babe
him good-by.
Mr.. Clemens. the literary section Of
presentday combination of Radicals and
Aristophanes. - he was told
Rebelais yes; Aristophares. no." he
replied. Il am an empty vessel on Aris- /
tophanes. Never knew him personally 4
All l ever did know about him 1 heard
from William Dean Howells. From How /
ellis | have got q confused idea Of Arts /
tophanes- At one time Howell said Arts (
tophapes was sailing up the Eng ish Chan (
mel ypth Sir John Hawkins and at other /
-timeS l gathered Aristophanes was a
Greek physician. and again an Italian
yirtuoso
But Radicals l know from the bottom 4
up. If l had lived in the fifteenth cen
furry l should have been Radicals. When /
he author of the literary supplement-
writes me down as the modern Rabe- 4
lais' l call that handsome"
Mr.. Clemens said some one had sug-
gcsted 10 him that his character Of the
l<ing. the tramp who claimed that he 4
was the Lost Dauphin." and who was
stripped and painted with spots 10 imrer- .
senate leopard at The show In SHuckle- +
berry F1na.' reminded him OF Dowie
Il rant exactly tell how close the re-
semts~nce IS" said Mark Twain. for 4
never saw Dowie disrohe1