davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Grit-advocate., 1903-05-08
ONE ON THE PROFESSOR.
Prank of College Students That Really
Was Funny.


Was Funny.
In college town two students were
passing by a painless" dentists offics
shortly after nightfall, when one of
them. as If he had thought Of some-
thing remarkably funny, suddenly ran
and took down the sign about a yard
long that was hanging from two nails.
The next morning when the Latin
class was assembling, every student as
he took his seat and looked toward the
teachers platform seemed to be un.
able to keep back burst of laughter.
The professor of Latin belonged to a
type of which a specimen can be found
in many college faculty. He had no
idea how to keep order in his class,
and would fly into rage at the small
est interruption and launch forth into
a TRADE of abuse forgetting all about
the lesson. In this way he had won
for himself the nickname of "Gasbas
Tommy This morning the laughter
furiate him. and he began to apply all
kinds Of epithets to the offenders, with
out diminishing the merriment, how.
ever. At last he noticed that every
body was looking over his head; turn.
ing around, he discovered, with con
tinually increasing rage, the cause Of
the mirth. 1t was a dentists sign, and
the words on it were:
Gas Administered"
The Grit-advocate., 1903-05-08
One Rooster Per PASSENGER.

1t takes Havana railroad compan-
les for fine discrimination and regard
for the comfort of passengers. Some
of the rules and regulations govern
ing these roads are thus laid down,
for the benefit of the ignorant in the
guide to Havana little, red-covered
book. printed in Spanish and the
quaintest possible English.
''If trains are delayed and the pas
senger desists from going the ticket
is redimed; but if otherwise, the
train is on time and he desists, only
half fare is returned. If the passen-
ger loses the train on his own fault
no return whatever is made.
1.-The company prohibits the carry
ing of more than one rooster in a
first-class car If carried in a basket.
and in the other cars dogs with
MUSCLE and " doz. chickens, bur no
ice is allowed in the cars nor fish or
any other article injurious to the
comfort OF Passengers. s."-Brooklyp
Eagle.
The Grit-advocate., 1903-05-08

Mrs. E. B. Bradshaw, OF
Guthrie, Okla, cured of severe
case by Lydia E. Pinkham's
Vegetable Compound.
A great many women suffer with
form of indigestion or dyspepsia which
does not seem to yield to ordinary
medical treatment. While the symp-
toms seem to be similar to those OF
ordinary Indigestion, yet the medi-
cincs universally prescribed do not
seem to restore the patients normal
condition.
Mrs. Pinkllam claims that there
is kind of dyspepsia that is caused
by arrangement of the female organ
ism. and which, while it causes dis
turbance similar to ordinary indiges-
ton. cannot be relieved without .
medicine which not only acts as =
stomach tonic, but has peculiar uterine
tonic effects as we'll
Thousands of testimonial let
tcrs prove beyond. question that
nothing will relieve this distress
ing condition so surely as Lydia
+. Pinkham's Vegetable Com
pound. 1t always works in har-
mOny with the female system.
Mrs. Pinkham advises sick
women free. Address Lynn, Mass.
The Grit-advocate., 1903-05-08

WEST BRANCH. MICH April 11th.-
Many thanks for the sample of Doan's
Kidney Pills. We had tried many
remedies with little benefit but found
Doan's act promptly. and hit the case,
which wasan unusual desire to urinato
had to get up five and six times OF
n night. | think Diabetes was well
under way, the feet and ankles
swclled. There was an intense pain in
the back. the heat Of which would
feel like putting ones hand up to n
lamp chimney. have used the free
trial and two full boxes Of Doan's Pills
with the satisfaction Of feeling that I
am cured. They are the remedy par
excellence. - i. +. ballard
The Grit-advocate., 1903-05-08
The Sixth Hand

No, thanks" said the drummer;
I'm through with poker
The men in the smoking room of the
coastwise steamship howled in deri-
sion and incredulity.
mo, boys" said the drummer, seri
ously, 1--WE sworn off on poker. l
can't play the game any more
well, then,' said the man who had
invited him to join the game. Il guess
it's all off for tonight. | don't care
anything about four-handed poker
Honest, now. Mac, this is the biggest
surprise I've had since Cocktail Jim
climbed on the water wagon. What
made you swear OFF,"
"An experience l had in a game
played about six months ago, down in
Nova Scotia" said the drummer. 1T
broke my nerve. In'my business trips
I visited Halifax about twice year.
and every time l went there | sat in a
poker game with the same crowd
There was big. burly hotel keeper
named Drake, French Canadian
named Onesime Bellefontaine; his
cousin, barber, whose name was Nor
eisse LIE Blanc, and an Irishman
named O'Reilly. The game was
played in brakes hotel.
"A year ago when | was there the
game was on Saturday night and LIE
Blanc did not butt in until well on
toward morning. He was nice, slen-
der, good-looking young fellow. rather
delicate and what you might call
pretty, and simply crazy on poker
The game wasn't very high, but it
served to pass away the time.
well, on this night. Narcisse lie
Blanc came hurrying into the stuffy
little back room, threw off his coat
drew out a ten-dollar bill and bought
his chips. The limit was so cents.
who's wnnin' to-night-you
Msoo Drake?" he asked.
"'No!' growled the big hotel keeper
and the game went on. Narcisse won
steadily, and as steadily drank nips
of whisky and water and smoked cigar.
cites. He hurried through his work
that night and he was hot and ex-
cited.
"'Phew!' he exclaimed, but it's
one,'
Better not, Narcisse,' said; you
have a cigarette cough already; you
are sitting with your back to the win
dow, and you'll catch a cold. and colds
bring on catarrh, and catarrh brings
on consumption, and consumption in
troduces the Lean Fellow.
"De Lean Fellow. Who dat?'
"'Mr. Death
"'Bah! Who's feared of him.?
"'Well, / am, for one. | said. I
know a man in Boston, | went on,
who writes for the paper; mighty
clever man. but he has bad habit of
Joking with death; he's too familiar
with him. He calls him by nicknames
The Lean Fellow is one of them. Good
Lord. The Lean Fellow! The name
The Grit-advocate., 1903-05-08

straight in his face. The oil lamps
fiared. The loose cards jumped on the
table.
It's blowing through the Lean
Fellows ribs. B-r-r-r! Shut the win.
dow!' said Drake. Just then a head
appeared at the open window and the
light fell upon a grotesque nose and a
pair of little sharp eyes. The nose
was long and feshless and stuck out
from the sunken cheeks like the beak
of bird.
The Lean Fellow himself! Look,
Narcisse! laughed Drake. He went to
The Grit-advocate., 1903-05-08
HE HAD TO WAIT.
Dog SteaIers Naive Explanation OF
Lost Time,


Sir Edwin Landseer, the animal
painter, one time was about to put
the finishing touches to the portrait OF
dog belonging to nobleman and
was expecting visit from his model
when the owner arrived in a state OF
great perturbation without the dog
the animal had been stolen. After
talking over the loss with Sir Edwin
the owner decided to leave the matter
In the painters hands, together with
G10 note as reward for the re-
covery of the dog. Sir Edwin's &C.
quaintance with the dog fanciers was
large and he summoned to his aid one
Jem Smith, who he thought might put
him on the right track. He showed
the man the picture and the bank
note and promised that if the dog
was restored no questions should be
asked. Six weeks later Smith ar
rived at the studio leading the miss
ing dog by piece of string. Here
is your E10." said the artist, land
l suppose l must ask no questions
But now that the affair is done with
you may just as well tell me all
about It," After moment of hesita-
ton the man confessed that he him
self was the thief. You, you
laundering rascal" exclaimed Sir
Edwin. Then why on earth have
you kept me in suspense all this
time?" We'll, you see, gov'ner," was
the answer. Il stole the dorg. but the
gentleman sold him to KEEP i'm so
jolly close that l hadn't chance OF
nicking him again till yesterday. and
that's the truth s'elp me-"
The Grit-advocate., 1903-05-08
THE CHILD WITH EARNEST EYES.


child
world? she sad
Now ar ole dandw
a WHILE
had need of me
found in its vile
he
smiled the
Scarce l
And to be
he Ike not me-. again of fame;
dream
Bright burned
he OUT
nj
To com
o
are few"
she SAID.
ngy
led,
w me-
she Die
m
heard her
IN the You to Be.
-Katharne n Century.
The Grit-advocate., 1903-05-08
Copper on Lake Superior.

The richest copper region is that of
Lake superior. the copper being all in
he native state In Minnesota mine
one mass taken out was forty-five feet
n length, twenty-five feet at the great
.st width and the thckest part was
more than eight feet. 1t weighed about
100 tons and was over 80 per cent. cop
per
The Grit-advocate., 1903-05-08

ASPEN. Colo, April 10, 1903
Doan's Kidney pills accomplished
the desired result in my case - relief
came the second day after | com
menced taking them. was troubled
with retention and dribbling of the
urine. Now it is natural and free as
ever in my lifc.-D. l.. STAFFORD
The Grit-advocate., 1903-05-08

almost makes you see MIN, and the
bare ribs. and to make you hear the
wind whistling through the bare ribs!
Yes, Narcisse, fear the Lean Fellow.
".An' do love him-me? Not
mooch.' said Narcisse; but can stand
breath of de fresh air He got up
and opened the window The wind.
blowing in from the sea, pulled
The Grit-advocate., 1903-05-08

EVERETT. MAss.-I received the
sample of Doan's Pills and they stop
ped all my trouble of pain in the back,
from which | have suffered for two
wears. am q sole leather cutter, and
being on my feet and lifting heavy
dies all day. appreciate the help
Doan's Pills have given me. | feel
like a new man.-GEo. A. BURGESS,
1G3 Belmont Street.
The Grit-advocate., 1903-05-08

ST. Louis, Mo- Received simple,
and am on my first bottle from the
druggist It they helped me wonder
fully. | had feeling of wanting to
urinatc all the time, and trouble in
passing, burning and itching. That is
all gone now, and feel thankful. -
e. K. STEVENSON, 535l Easton Ave.
The Grit-advocate., 1903-05-08

Aunt Sarah ito nephew from the
city)-Is Uncle Cyrus through milk
ing. Teddy? Teddy-Not quite. He's
finished two faucets. and has just be-
gun on the other two.
The Grit-advocate., 1903-05-08

Do Your Feet Ache and Burnt
Shake into your shoes. Aliens Foot
Ease. = powder for the feet. 1t makes
tight or New Shoes feel Easy. Cures
Swollen. Hot. Sweating Feet. Corns
and Bunions. At all Druggists and
Shoe Stores. Csc. Sample sent FREE.
Address Allen S Olmsted, Leroy, N. Y.
The Grit-advocate., 1903-05-08

BURLINGTON JUNCTION, MOI
received sample of Doan's Pills and
they are all that is claimed. they re-
lievcd pain in my back, and did all
that was represented. c. G. RAY,
Il. +. ID. No. l.
The Grit-advocate., 1903-05-08

TAYLonsvILLE, Miss. - No man can
tell the good of Doans Kidney Pills
until he tries them for weak back.
l tried everything and got no relief
until | used Doan's Pills.. N.
LEWIS.
The Grit-advocate., 1903-05-08
why Il 10 the Best

h because made by an entirely different
process. Defiance Starch il unlike any
other, better and one-third more for 10
coatA-
The Grit-advocate., 1903-05-08

To Cure u Cold in One day.
Take Laxative Bromo Quinine Tablets. All
druggists refund money if it fails to cure. 25c-
The Grit-advocate., 1903-05-08

Chawles- think Amy must weigh
200 pounds. Jawn-Then. If you marry
her. 1t will be plain case of bigamy.
The Grit-advocate., 1903-05-08

Patti will bring TO America twenty-one
dogs an Angora goat and half hun
dred birds. And incidentally. perhaps
her lusba nd
The Grit-advocate., 1903-05-08

lam sure Piso's Cure for Consumption saved
my life three years ago-Mrs THos. RoBsiAs'
hsple Street, Norwich. N Y. Feb. II. 1907.
The Grit-advocate., 1903-05-08

'It beats all'' how good cigar you can
buy for cents II you buy the right brand
Try "Bullhead."
The Grit-advocate., 1903-05-08

"Grandpa." asked small Edna, as she
watched the old gentleman feeding the
chickens. do all hens eat with their
uoSpson
The Grit-advocate., 1903-05-08

Uncle Sam-Did YOU say the German
navy was not what 1t Is cracked up 70
be? Admiral Dewey-You know l can
tell 4 lie-I did
The Grit-advocate., 1903-05-08

The first boy who stubbed his toe orig.
mated foot bawl.
The Grit-advocate., 1903-05-08

Aching backs are eased Hip back and loin pains,
limb swellings and dropsy signs vanish.
They correct urine with brick dust sediment high
colorcd, pain in passing dribbing. frequency, bed
wctting. Doan's Kidney Pills remove caculi and
gravel. Relieve heart palpitation, seeplessness.
dizziness headache, nervousness.
The Grit-advocate., 1903-05-08

The mildest tobacco that grows Is used
in the makeup of Baxter's Bu'lheAd 8
cent cigar. Try one and see.
The Grit-advocate., 1903-05-08
Those Who Have Tried II

1t isn't always the most powerful loco
motive that has the biggest whistle.
The Grit-advocate., 1903-05-08

Halls Catarrh Cure
Is taken internally. Price. 75c.
The Grit-advocate., 1903-05-08

WIN use no other. Defiance Cold Water
Starch has no equal in Quantity or Quail
ity-l6 OF. for 10 cents. Other brands con-
tain only l2 OF.
The Grit-advocate., 1903-05-08
PICTURE

6DJstyes of Fine Moulding. 80 riyls- oi Fancy
! Frames. Frame Gliding and Repairing. Picture
Hanging by Experienced Men. All work Of hgl
grade THE BOWMAN Akr co. h.s 10Th street.
opposite Mason C Temple. Denver, Colo.
The Barre daily times. (Barre, Vt.) 1897-1959, 1903-11-27
HAD FAIR CROWD

Bazaar IN aIllss Hall u Nsariag Fss Com
pleliaH.
There WAS fair sized attendance at the
Catholic bazaar Weinesda4 evening a
pleasing programme was rendered as fol-
lows: Vocal sole, Miss Huse Of Montpa-
ler; clog dance By the sullivan brothers;
Duet, piano and violin, Anthony Carroll
and Miss Danfoth. Mandolin and guitar
selections were given by Messrs Laviolette
and Isebell
Yesterday afternoon the ladies served a
Thanksgiving supper from to O'Clock
at which 135 people were present. Fol-
lowing the supper farce wos given en-
titled Jumbo jun, which was nlcel1 given
and much enjoyed hy all
This evening VIII be the last entertain
meut and win no d9nht be the best Of any
given during the fair. which will be a
minstrel show containing Is of the best
local artists
The Barre daily times. (Barre, Vt.) 1897-1959, 1903-11-27
West RutIand Has Dis
astrous Fire.
PROPERTY LOSS $4,000.
Not a Bit Of Fire Fighting apparatus
in the Village to Combat
Flames.


Rutland, Nov PA disastrous fire
broke out about nine O'Clock last night in
the business section OF West Rutland and
before it was under control had destroyed
l6 business blocks and houses, causing a
property loss Of ST5,0 600. So faras known
no person was injured.
The fre was discovered in a room occu-
pied bv the ladies' Of the Congregational
church for rummage sale in q block az
the corner Of Smith ond Marble streets II
Is not known how it was started but 1t was
beyond c0ntral before being seen. An
alarm was given and hundreds OF people
were soon upon the scene but the place Is
without fire protection. there being no hy-
drants and the buildings being wooden
structures the Ere soon gained the proper
tlon OF a copfagration.
A call was sent to Rutland city, four
miles away, for help, but there was con-
siderable delay in getting the apparatus
ready, and it was 1890 o'clock before the
steamer with the iremen from station l
and several call men were under way.
For two hours they fought the flames,
which had spread to both sides of the
street. and It was II SO when the flames
were under control.
Goods were removed from the buildings
10 the path Of the fire as much as possible,
but so fast did the flames spread that it
was impossible to save all
The Barre daily times. (Barre, Vt.) 1897-1959, 1903-11-27
GO0D-SIZED CROWD
ATTENDED SERVICE
The Union Thanksgiving Meeting Last
Evening Addressed By Rev.
w. A. Kinzie.

The Union Thanksgiving service at the
Uniyersalist church last evening was well
attended, showing the wisdom Of the
change Of time from the forenoon. The
auditoriumof the church was about three
fourihs filed, and the service was very
satisfactory. The speaker was Rev w.
A. Kinsle Of the Baptist church.
The service was opened at Z O'Clock
with singing BY the Universalist choir
Rev. Eifle K. NJ. Jones Of the Universalist
church was in charge Rev. f. A Poole Of
the Congregational church lead in the
reading Of the church service, and Rev
r. f Love, the Methodist pastor, gave
the scripture reading. Rev. j A. Sher-
burne offered prayer The sermon, deliv-
cred By the Rev. Mr., Kinsle, was appro-
pirate to the Thanksgiving season. The
text was from | Thesselonians, 5aS, "In
everything give thanks The benedie
tion was pronounced by Rev I. IL.
Mitchell Of the Presbyterian church.
The Barre daily times. (Barre, Vt.) 1897-1959, 1903-11-27
FIGHT A POOR ONE
Spectators Frequently Missed ritzslmmons
aud Gardner

Spectators Frequently Kissed Fitzslmmons
aud Gardner
San Francisco, Nov. 26 Bobn Fitz.
simmons proved last night that he was
not dead one when he outboxed and out
generalled George Gardner for twenty full
rounds. "Fitz was as awkward and as
cunning as Of yore and apparently real
lied that he must foster his strength, there
was not moment when he was not care
fulness personided While the old man
could avoid punishment from Gardner be
could not knock his opponent out, although
he landed a number of vicious blows.
From his performance last night Gardner
Is not in Fitzsimmons's class He landed
on the old-tlmer once In a while, but
'fitz'' was always going away from him,
and the blows were harmless Several
times "Fitz" apparently had Gardner al
most out, but he was either too tired or
lacked his old strength and could not land
a knock ont punch. sFitzi was very
skilful in blocking and dodging Gardner's
blows, and in the clinehes and break
aways was very careful.
The fight did not please the spectators,
and the men In the ring were frequently
hissed when they went through round
without apparently trying to fight.
The Barre daily times. (Barre, Vt.) 1897-1959, 1903-11-27
THEY WERE REMEMBERED
And Ex.Aidermsn Kingston Gave Adj
dres on Good Government.

And Ex-Aldermsn Kingston Gave Ad-
dres on Good Government.
Many Of the friends Of Mr.. and Mrs.
John Connell Of Foster street assembled
at their home Thanksgiving eve, and pre-
sented them handsome chair and wri.
ting desk. The presentation speech was
made by Stephen Dineen, which was re-
sponded to III mastery manner BIZ Mr.
Connell Dancing was INDUCED Ia to the
small hours 81 the morning, music being
furnished by Michael sullivan aud John
Connell Cornelius Sullivan pleased the
party with an Irish iig.
AT u o'clock the party sat down to
snpper which was much enjoyed AT this
time a speech was called for on the eco
nomie points Of good government aud ex.
Alderman samuelKingston responded very
gracefully Mr.. and Mrs. John Conneil
wish to thank the many friends for their
good Will and nice presents, also Michael
sullivan Tor his excellent music.
The Barre daily times. (Barre, Vt.) 1897-1959, 1903-11-27
TRYING FIRE HORSES.


Big Crowd Witnessed Horses Faces Yes
terday Forenoon.
The strokes of the fire-aiarm bell yes
terday morning, were not for fire, but
for trying out two pairs Of horses for the
new hook and ladder truck Two pairs
were tried out, the grey pair purchased by
Fred Slayton In Boston, aud bay pair
purchased by Horace NJ Farnham in Chi-
csgo, about three weeks ago. A big
crowd Of people, including many horse
men, Witnessed the trying out.
Both teams made favorable impression
on the crowd, and they carried the heavy
truck at fast clip The Slayton horses
had been hitched to the rig before Farm
hams horses weigh $500, and are four
and one-half years old. They are fairly
Well matched rhay have been worked
on farms. The other pair are somewhat
heavier and longer limbed, and are finely
matched The price asked for Slayton's
horses is $3.50, while the price Of Farm
hams, it was understood, il $425.
The Barre daily times. (Barre, Vt.) 1897-1959, 1903-11-27
President Nearly Run
Over in New York.
ACCOSTED BY INSANE MAN
Latter Handed Him a Letter Containing
Charcoal Roosevelt Was Closely
Guarded.

New York, Nov. 27.- President and
Mrs Roosevelt reached here at7.2o this
morning. They came to attend the funeral
Of James X. Garcle.. the presIdant's
uncle
President Roosevelt passed through two
dlsagreeahle incidents here today. The
first was a narrow escape from collision
with Broadway trolley at the junction Of
Fifth avenue and Broadway and z8rd
street where only the sudden pulling mp
of bis team by the coachman prevented
the vehicle from being smashed By the
rapidly moving car. The president and
party were startled.
Although the President was carefully
guarded bY dozens OF secret service agents
pain clothes men and a large number of
policemen he wls aoe0sted as he was
coming out Of the church where the
funeral services were held, by gray
beaded old man who handed him letter
saying please read this on your way
out The president took the letter,
glanced at Ii and threw II to the ground
By this time the astonished detectives had
grabbed the man and he was hustled or
10 the police headquarters.
Ie gave the name Of Arthur r, Dem-
ing, aged 65, Of Jersey City. Besides the
letter he carried a can which was found to
contain charcoal. Deming said the char
coal was medicated and would cure all
Ills. lie wanted the President TO send it
70 Emperor William. II is Thought that
DemiBg Is a harmless crank His sanity
will be inquired into. President Roose
velt left for Washington at H. S.,
The Barre daily times. (Barre, Vt.) 1897-1959, 1903-11-27
omciaI vote 81 Raree canal.

Buffalo, Nov. % The Evening News
publishes the ilrst official statement OF
tie vote on the canal proposition It the
recent election The figures as given
are from returns received bx the News
from every county clerk ii tile state.
Thev give the vote for the canal as
G63.s45 Against 426,ST2; majority for
Tie canal, 23Ga73 The largest county
vote for the canal was ia New York
county, 2J2 COS, and the largest vote
against Ill the same county 2s.9T9.
Erie county rolled UP 39.451 for and
S355 against
The Barre daily times. (Barre, Vt.) 1897-1959, 1903-11-27
K. of c. BowIers Of Bur
lingtOn 0utpIayed
In TWO LEAGUE MATCHES
Eurekas Took Three Straight Strings
and Calumels Two 0d Of
Three.

The knights Of Columbus bowling team
Of Burlington was defeated in Alexan.
der's alleys yesterday in both matches
with the Calumets aud Eurekas. The Eu-
rekas won three straight games with to-
tai Of 2,428 to 2. .I52 for the x. otC and
the Calumets took two games out Of three
with total OF 2 $50 to 1887 for the X. OF
C's.
The Eurekas h0wled the best game Of
the day aud made the highest single game
total Of SAB. Kennedy of the X Of
C's. made the highest single total of l96,
seconded BY Smith Of the Eurekas with
100 The knights Of Columbus were
Handicapped in doing their best by having
two new substltn IS The summaries are
as follows
The Barre daily times. (Barre, Vt.) 1897-1959, 1903-11-27
BROWN SHOWED UNDER.
Dartmouth Foot BAN Team Won by score
Of 62 10 o.

Dartmouth Foot Bali Team Won by Score
Of 62 20 o.
Manchester, n H., Nov 28-Brown
today suffered the worst defeat sustained
by any eastern college foot ball team in
years at the hands OF theDartmouth eleven
at Varick Park, the final score being 81 to
0. So completely was the Rhode Island
eleven outclassed that not until the last
few minutes Of play, when the men from
Hanover were exhausted from their con-
tinuons rushing, were they able to make
any stand Brown only once held Dart
mouth for downs and secured only two
FIRST downs It was a series Of steady
rushes and continuous gains down the field
for Dartmouth, each time for touch
down. In the last five minutes Of the
game, however, Brown made supreme
rally by series OF end plays carried the
ball 50 yards down the field from her own
20 yard line.