davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Farmington times and herald. (Farmington, St. Francois Co., Mo.) 1902-1905, 1903-01-22
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Did you ever strike n bargaini
If you have, did you hit the poor
thing very hard!
Some people wear clothes
Others wear an independent air
Clothes are better in cold weather.
To the Lead companies, God
bless 'cm. How they do advertise
the lead belt Of st. Francois
county
Justice in this county knows not
the word procrastiHation. John
Bender stole things-twO days
penitentiary two years.
Two in one week. Ye Gods
The little boy with the bow and
arrows is working overtime nova.
days. Eat, drink and be merry
for tomorrow you may elope.
Mr.. Pabst: Mr.. Beer Bottle is
getting to be quite n society man.
Mr.. Schlt2: Yes, | notice by the
evening wine list that he's always
holding hops. Tiger
The EIvins "Auger" is truly in
hard lines. Last week the foreman
departed with the strong box.
You are simply getting retribution,
Bro. Elvins, for the horrible cam
paign lies that you published last
fail.
The little girl; How many sis
tcrs have You?
The big one: Only one, my dear.
The little girl; That's funny!
Why, your brother says he has
two!-Tiger.
No wonder the Hungarian miners
in the lead belt are called by
numbers and not by names. Me
backer, Wisnosky, kowallio, Kaw.
ashky, Scotch. whiskcy, All down
but Nine, Set 'em mp on the other
Alley, Ante and Pass the Buc k.
Speaking of hitting the pipe, "
the Bonne Terre Democrat. Regis.
ter ought to take n couple of little
early risers' in order to Roy ster
itself ont in time to make n scoop.
THE TIMES information came from
a wide awake citizen of Bonne
Terro.
The man
Who drops
A penny in the plate
On Sunday morn in church,
So hard that it may sound
Just like a quarter or half
May fool
The congregation,
But, ST. Peter up above,
When he rings up tn amount on his
Cash-register
Will press
The button labeled /.
We recently ventured into the
press-room just back our sanctum.
The devil was grinning with fiend-
ish glec upon his 90 Ingersoll
watch. which was lying on the red
hot stove. why, o, imp OF Satan,
dost thou do thisi" | inquired
Because" replied the devil, Il
am exceedingly fond of n hot
time"
To the Marble Hill Press: You
shouldn't hold the chief of our
editorial staff to too strict an ac-
for the effervesciDg humor Of the
genius who presides over this col
umn. He is disposed to look at
the ludicrous side of life; and as
we all make our slips, it is better
to laugh and have a little fun over
these than to take them too seri-
ously.
The Farmington times and herald. (Farmington, St. Francois Co., Mo.) 1902-1905, 1903-01-22

A bullet was taken from the arm
of Judge l.. b. Hall of Dixon,
Ky, on the 18th, that was shot
into him by burglar &c years ago.
The Farmington times and herald. (Farmington, St. Francois Co., Mo.) 1902-1905, 1903-01-22

Pennington has lived mp 10 her
blue china, and | am so proud of
her. The news is direct from Phil.
adelphia, the home of the B0oklov-
ers and Tabard Inn, that Farming
ton is the first town West of the
Mississippi River to have Il Ia bard
Inn Library, in addition to making
Il record i'll securing the entire
membership necessary in one week
Is not that something to be proud
off incidentally, may say, with
out being cg0tistical, that am
proud of myself for being able to
accomplish what people considered
an impossibility, the securing of
seventy five members to such Il
library in this town, for instead of
seventy five We have eighty five.
1t would not surprise me if we
really had n membership of 100
before the charter closes, which
will be February 1st.
***
1t should be understood that the
Tabard Inn is for book lovers and
book readers, and it is expected
that each member will deposit a
ticket week; that is, take ont
aud read II book each week. The
book tickets may be bought six for
quarter or twenty-fv for one
dollar. Each member of the IL
brary has saved 81 so in member
ship, on account of the char.e
price, so this amount vii buy
enough tickets for 81 weeks, and
there will remain only few ad-
ditional weeks to provide for the
first year These book tickets
practically take the place of the
annual dues paid by members of
the ordinary library organizations.
In after years it will only cost a
little over So year to each mem
ber. If you belong to a city IL
brary, beside the annual dues it
usually costs ten cents for car fare
to 90 after n book, and half the
time you can't get the book you
want unless you take duplicate
copy, for which you pay an addi-
tional five cents.
The Farmington times and herald. (Farmington, St. Francois Co., Mo.) 1902-1905, 1903-01-22

man to the sea, who was called the
Marshal Ney of that army HI
sued the election judges and bro 7
the case to the Supreme Court OF
the United States, and the court
declared the Drake Constitution to
be unconstitutional
a me-. could not teach school
in the State of Missouri, he could
not practice law, he could not
preach the Gospel, he could not
shrive n dying man, he could hold
no Office without practically swear.
ing to a lie. That is the way the
Republicans ran that State when
they had it, and that is the reason
they are not going to get it again
very soon. applause,
THE Constitution of Missouri
provides that you cannot have Il
registration law i'll II city that has
less than 1905 inhabitants, aud
the reason that that clause was
put in the Constitution was because
when the Republicans ran the
State the registration officers
crowded out the Democrats, the
owners of the soil, the men that
blazed the wilderness and made II
great State and would not allow
them TO vote at all
"Old General james Shields, n
hero of two wars--a Major General
IN the Mexican War and IA Major
General in the Union ARMY
heard him sny once that he came
nearer to thrashing StonewaIl
jackson than any other man that
ever lived, but did not do it by
damned sight. (Laughter) He
was elected to Congress. They
would not let him come They
would not give him his certificate.
That is the way they ran rcgistra-
tion laws, aud Il man has to have
more gall than all the mules that
served in the Spanish War (laugh-
teri to get up here and talk about
the Nesbit law in the face of the
Republican record in the State of
Missouri.
The Farmington times and herald. (Farmington, St. Francois Co., Mo.) 1902-1905, 1903-01-22

# you decide you do not care to
read for several weeks or months,
you simply put in what is called nm
ont Of service ticket" and then
The Farmington times and herald. (Farmington, St. Francois Co., Mo.) 1902-1905, 1903-01-22
AND HERALD, and make the price OF
the four one year only 1925.

Never before was SO much superior
reading matter offered for 50 small an
amount OF money. The three papers
named which We club with our own, are
well known throughout the West, and
commend themselves to the reader $
favorable attention upon mere mention.
The Live Stock Indicator is the great
agricultural and live stock paper of the
West. The Poultry Farmer is the most
practical poultry paper for the farmer,
while The Special Farmers Institute
Editions arc the most practical publica.
tions for the promotion OF good farming
ever published. Take advantage of this
great offer, AS it will hold good for a
short time only. Samples Of these
papers may be examined by calling at
TuE FARMrNCToN TIMES AND HERALD.
The Farmington times and herald. (Farmington, St. Francois Co., Mo.) 1902-1905, 1903-01-22

must do as you do Your way. owr.
Is very good way. Ana stll
There are sometimes two straight roads tr
town,
one over, one under the hl!l
You are trcad'ng the safe ana well worn
way
That the prudent choose ouch time.
tnd you think me rash ana reckless tu day
because prefer TO climb.
Your path Is the right one. ana So is mine,
Wc are not Ike peas IN pod
Compelled 10 lie I'm single line.
or else he scattered abroad
'Twcrc dun old world. mcthnks. my
friend,
II wC ali went Just one way,
vt our paths VIII meet, no doubt ~ the
end.
Though they lead apart to day.
You Ike the shade, ami Ike the sun.
You like an even pace
ike to mix with the crowd ana run,
ANA then rest after the race
Ike danger ana storm und STRIFE,
You Ike peaceful time,
III" the passion ana surge OF Ilfc,
You Ike gentle rhyme.
You Ike the butter cups. dcwy ami sweet
Nnd crOcuses framed In snow
Ike roses born Of the heat.
And the red carnations glow.
The Farmington times and herald. (Farmington, St. Francois Co., Mo.) 1902-1905, 1903-01-22

Everybody remembers when the
great romancer, Jules Verne, drew
on his imagination to the extent of
the possibility of making voyage
around the world in eighty days.
1t was considered almost impossible
until one of the New York papers
sent out n special correspondent
who lowered the record by several
days, showing that it was possible
under favorable conditions TO make
such journey. The time has since
been lowered by many days, but
now the astounding announcement
is made that the trip may be made
in y days. While it seems an i'm
possibility, the facts about the con-
nections in making the journey are
so plain that some one will possibly
undertake TO make the suggestion
Il reality.
The Farmington times and herald. (Farmington, St. Francois Co., Mo.) 1902-1905, 1903-01-22

y couple of weeks ago made n
few remarks about giving advice,
so that this little poem of Ella
Wheeler Wilcox is very appropri.
ATE.
The Farmington times and herald. (Farmington, St. Francois Co., Mo.) 1902-1905, 1903-01-22
A MOST LIBE RAJ OFFER.

All our farmer readers should take al
vantage OF the unprecedented clubbing
offer we this year make, which includes
with this paper The Live Stock Indica.
tor, its Special Farmers Institute Idi.
tions and The Poultry Farmer These
three publications are the hest Of their
class and should be III every farm home
To them We add, for local, county and
general news, THE FARMINCroN TIMES
A NM III.R IL u and Inakc q [ he nrIcn nI
The Farmington times and herald. (Farmington, St. Francois Co., Mo.) 1902-1905, 1903-01-22
BANK OF FARk|NGION.
CAPITAL STOCK S25. 100000
(Surplus $l5, 900 .00)
Does n general Banking and FIX.
change business.
% Interest paid on time deposits.
Insured against burglary in the
Fidelity and Casualty CO., Of NY.
A SPECIALITY.
9epositary Of County Funds.
DIRECTORS.

Peter Giessing, j. T.. Klein.
II. Sleeth. John B. llignlcy
W. II. Lang, A. }, Iwart
~. NJ. Harlan.
The Farmington times and herald. (Farmington, St. Francois Co., Mo.) 1902-1905, 1903-01-22

Speaking of hitting the pipe,
the Bonne Terre Democrat. Regis
ter ought to take n couple of "littlt
early risers" in order to Roy stel
itself ont in time to make n scoop
THE TINES information came from
a wide awake citizen of Bonnt
Terre.
Arizona republican., 1903-11-09

boys was blinking, trying to keep up
wit de pace she set. Charley dug up
his leather. and p'chec il was better
loaded wit long green dan taught it
would be, and him having toyed wit
de bottles a bit himself, he was getting
better courage and was saying we
must meet 'em after de Sow and have
supper / was wondering could we tom
dat trick, when l sees our victoria stop
in. front and de footman hop down,
and make a break for de door of de
restaurant, hurry call style. l was
for making quick sneak, but Ouch
ess she gives me de wink to brace, and
l braced. Well, Buttons comes in, and
he had a grin on him like a cat when
ne pipes off de lay out. l tries to give
him de tip dat I'd see him outside, but
he wouldn't tumble, and he says
"Chimmie,'' he says, Mr.. Van Court
landt has de evening paper what has
stories of six banks and ten trusts
busted, and he can't read only de head
lines. He wants to know where is de
glasses he sent you for"
Arizona republican., 1903-11-09

bull pup has his jaw in good working
order on it. Dose Willies comes in.
giving us de welcome eye, slides up to
de table next, and when dey has shuffi-
ed around a bit, and coughed, and
smiled pretty-pretty for a moment.
one of EN- braces up to us, and says in
French dat was woise dan mine-and
mine would stop a kettle boiling
wasn't we de couple from de new
French teeater. Duchess gives EN- de
goo-goo eye, and fetches a bow, and
de boy says didn't she remember be-
ing introduced to him as she was
leaving de restaurant last night.
Say, she rattlas at him so fast in
Dago, he couldn't understand but a
void now and den, and he toms to de
odder boy, and says, You lose, Char
ley I knew 1 seen en- come in here
half an hour ago. before / met you
Den Charley sides over to us. and
| he says, making no crack at Dago, dat
Arizona republican., 1903-11-09
CHIMMIE FADDEN STORIES
CHIMMIE FADDEN TELLS HOW DUCHESS FINDS A
FRIEND IN THE NEW FRENCH COMPANY,
AND HOW TWO WILLIES AND A LATE
LUNCH STARTLE WHISPERS.
Bv Edward W. TOwnsend-

pointing to a glass of claIet and water
de actor goil was putting away.
She sees de action and gets noivous,
and q SKIS Duchess what was doing. in
form French. she asks. Duchess looks
scared. and says de RUDE was a Per-
feet of Police, and wanted to know
about de song de goil sings at de teea-
! ter.
1T is not much says de gor, and
Duchess says in English to Ruben dat
| it was medicine, de goil took for her
healt.
1T stingeth like an adder" says
Rube.
he must hear you sing it," says
! Duchess.
! Sing it now?" asks she.
IT'S de devils best weapon" says
Ruha.
He SAYS sing 1t instantly, to once!"
says Duchess.
P'chee she gets up, and she sings a
/ song dat would knock regiment of
Rubes. silly at a mile. and he says,
Oats pretty slick" he says.
you're out on ball. says Duchess
to de goil, and RUDE says Peace be
wit you" again. hands out bundle Of
tracts 10 read. and sliders for de door
just a jump from de boss, who was
only on to de new company we was
entertaining.
What is dese?" asks de goil. look
ing at one of de tracts.
"Dey is your permit from de police
for to sing your song" says Duchess
who isn't so wise as 4 jollier. You
must carry it in your hand when you
sing tonight, or you'll, be sent to prison
for life"
| De goil saws it was a very strange
country. and promises to carry. de
itracts on de stage wit her and dey
gives us ta-ta. and does DER way.
Den it was dat Duchess tells me il
American what sort CT game she had
put up to de goil. and 1 says it was
very good for a starter, but considering
de plant we was in it was pity we
couldn't woik it for something better
for de appetite dan a joke.
Mind ycur eye. cheems," says Ouch
ees. and maybe we will. Some of yol
Irish" she says. Took like French
and you is one of en-
"O1 your wav.' I SAYS. Some Of
vcu French lcck like irish. Con Con
Ian what acted wit Sary Bernhard
did"
"Aryway" says Duchess. who'd beer
keeping her eve out Of de window to
ward de Avenco, "if dose nice littl
willv-bovs who have passed. and lock
ed in here twenty times doesn't mis-
take us for de couple what has jus
LETT. den I'm not a French goil.'
Say. she's a French goil all right. 70
de main chance has no more luck get
ting past her dan chop has when d
Arizona republican., 1903-11-09
$1,000

he'd lost a quart. and couldn't dey
have de honor for to open it at our
table Duchess let's on uat she couldn't
understand, and / make de bluff at
telling her in rapid fire French. and
she waves her hand at de Odder seats,
like fairy queen, and dc boys sits in
TO de game, and orders de quart. Dere
was mere talk dan conversation going
on dere, but de children was shaking
and laughing wit JOY all de time. De
br, Ike French I passes out to EN- near
ly gives Duchess fits, but she keeps a
good face, and j0llies like q mice, and
de waiter. who was on, he kept dc
glasses filled, and never let a empty
bottle stop too long in de cooler.
Arizona republican., 1903-11-09

cessive physical and mental strain waij unable to
proper also lost my appetite and became
nervous and irritable that my friends embed and
unable attend to my work. Our physician pre-
scribed for but did not seem to improve, was
advised to 90 away could neither pare the time
money and very much worried when fortunately
one of my friends called She told me how she had
been cured of ovarian troubles, and how like my symp
toms were hers bottles of your medicine cured
har and shc insisted that tale
Arizona republican., 1903-11-09

somebody had found better place,
when / sees our ccachy pulling up to
DO curb. and Whiskcrs giving me de
sign dat he'd orders for me TO stop.
steps % de curb. touches me bonnet,
and he says for me to step into Tan
mars and dig up his reading glasses.
what he'd lett on de table where he'd
led his face al lunch.
Dat suits our book ike il was wrote
In IL by ourselves; for Duchess knows
De head waiter at Tanmars, what
came from the same Assembly District
Boz France she halls from. When we
gets dcre dc lunch tables was all clear
81. and dere wasn't nobody in de shop
hut walters, setting tables for dinner.
So de boss fetches Whisker's glasses,
and says To Duchess wouldn't she like
"a glass Of eua sucre. she says sure.
hut dat's noting but sugar and water.
so ! says ia take a drop of whisky in
mine. 90 dat de family wouldn't get
too sweet FOR its job.
We'd been having a small chat, wit
now and den something of de same,
when IN waltzes a mug and a gcil from
de new French teeater. for DER early
afternoon dinner. what actor folks
takes in de middle Of Ge afternoon SOS
dcy won't be too full for uttrance
when dey gets on top of de stage for
10 act. De boss fetches EN- over Il
our table and knocks EN- down TO me
and Duchess. and soon de goil and
Duchess is having de time of DER
lives. EARNING in DER form langwudge
for dey found out dat dey knOwd some
frcns Of b0te. dat was in dis country
and dey had stories a mile long foI
10 tell. ! SHE'D all de French / knows
at de felly and / must made a hit
for ne seemed tickled TO deaf. We was
Eaily-gaily all around de table when d
Ruben drifts in, and makes for Oul
party. we being de only ones doing
any BUSINESS. and he says, Peace be
wit you"
De same 10 you. Ruben."I says
and many OF en-" I says.
De French folks. looks at Ruben, and
den At me and Duchess like dey wa:
saying What ELL" so l winks t
Duchess 90 push de game along, and
asks Ruben did he have toist.
Not fer dat vile stuff" he says
Arizona republican., 1903-11-09
Case of this Prominent Chicago Woman Should Give Everyone
Confidence i'm lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable COmpOund

DEAR Mrs PSKHAM:-It affords great pleasure nsed to add
ham, Vegetable Compomnd Three bEoke down from
Arizona republican., 1903-11-09
Copyright. 1903. by Robert Howard
Russell)

Mar is twenty-four Mary is
twice NJ old as Ann was when Mary
was as old as Ann is now. How old is
Ann saws Mr. Paul. and nobody
wouldn't sTeak 10 him for de rest of de
evening
tried 90 till / knowed dat if | didn't
INV 10 IN on somebody I'd be dotty,
60 7 passes IL on 10 Duchess, and she
,ccIyad 10 out but foist she had de
screams. awful Den she says dat we
would go out ana take de air on de
avenoo. Tor 90 restore her noives. what
WINS punCtured. and needed air. De
Avenco Is al right Dey is crossing it
wit trenches for De underground. and
slectrics. dey Is digging holes along
side OF % what must be half way 10
China's omen door. ] hears tell of. It's
smelly wit mobiles. and chuck full OF
trucks. De cops on de corners is
doubled: all kinds OF cranks Is loose
deere. and no cabbv links he's done a
good days woik till he's sent a citizen
% De hospltal-out IT'S all right. It's
de AvenCo,
of De stvle Of de coaches liveries, and
maids hats. and passing out a ned
row ard den TO frens we sees on dc
boxes. or In de front seats Of victorias
and wishing dat We might never leave
de little old island Of Manhattan til
Arizona republican., 1903-11-09

1T isn't toe late for lunch" says de
lad who tried no French, boxing at
me.
Non" ! says humping my should
ers. "Ncn, on-lay-what you say-a
lobstairc. un petit ciseau. et-what you
say?-salade laitue-what it is? Let
tuce a chapon-garlic, cui. garlic; ct
frontage gorgonola, and cafe noir and
drop Of brandy Messing else mes
amis. absolument.'
Wen, it was enough, for when de
waiter fetches it for Duchess and me
de Boys made signs to each odder did
dey have long green to meet de price.
Dey wasn't so cheerful after dat. but
we was and when de brandy was
fetched I felt like I could give away
brown stone fronts on de Avenoo, and
Duchess was talking 50 fast dat de
Arizona republican., 1903-11-09


America after reading such letters
to who
making
easily
obtained you would drop of old
F. Vegetable Compound
Surely the experience
of thousands of whom the Compound mas cured
should convince all women
this medicine and remember lat these cures
thousands of whose letters constantly printed IN tins
"someting but by Lydia E.
WOmans Remedy
WomanS His
hundred thousand times what they Moral
is the Best Write to Mrs.
Pinkham for advice
IydiaE nkhamM Co..
Arizona republican., 1903-11-09
If That Were All.

Gabriel (urging his suiD-I know I'm
dreadfully poor, but wealth isn't neces-
sary to happiness. 'Tis love that makes
the world go round.
Evangeline-I know it, Gabriel. but
think of the economy it would take to
make 81 a week so round!-Chicago
Tribune.
Arizona republican., 1903-11-09

of womanhood.
duty themselves
suppressed painful
the
ACHE boang fuence general debility indigestion and nervous
lssitud eXeitabl rrtay nervousness melan-
choy feelings and
lessIss they tried and remedy
such troubles
Arizona republican., 1903-11-09
Sure Thing.

Visitor-"Do you consider your oc-
cupation a profession or a trade?''
Fortune Teller-''Neither; it's a
icinch. ''-EN
Arizona republican., 1903-11-09

- l did So and am glad that 1 followed her
advice Within six weeks 1 Il different
woman, strong and robust in health, and have
been so ever since
A number of my friends who have been
troubled with ailments peculiar to our sex
have taken your compound, and have also been
greatly benefited - MISS ELIZABETH DALEY
President of the ST Ruth'S Court Order of For
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1903-08-11
Leo's Nephew win
Contest His Will.

ROME, Aug. 11.--Something of a
sensation has been caused by the at
titude of the late pope's nearest rela-
tive--the son of his elder brother
who declares his intention to contest
the dead pontiff's will. He calls him
self simply NJ. Pecci. disregarding his
title Of count and declaring that titles
are only Mt for vain people. He is in
poor circumstances and earns his liv-
ing by selling Goals and doing a little
poaching. 1t seems that the nephew
attempted to see his uncle before he
died. but was forcibly elected from
the vatican. He now AYERS that he
intends. together with his lawyer. to
make a fight for his rights. He is
not going. he says, to die OF hunger,
and against the express wish of the
late pope. will contest the will, be-
cause he maintains that the money of
the deceased belongs not to the
church but to the pope's own family.
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1903-08-11
NOTICE TO EoEDE1S or FI1sT
AVENUE sEwH1 BONDS,
DISTByCE NO, q.

Notice Is hereby given that there
has been collected and paid into First
avenue sewer fund. District No. 0,
special assessments in said district
sufficient to pay special Improvement
bonds First avenue sewer, district
No. 8. Nos. and 8, with interest
thereon until the 26th day OF August
1908. and said bonds. with interest,
will be paid by the undersigned, city
treasurer. upon their presentation to
him at his office In the city hall, In
the city Of Spokane. Spokane county,
Wash; and interest on all bonds here
In described will cease on said last
named date.
NJ. H. EdGLEsToN.
City Treasurer.
Dated Spokane. Wash, August 8,
1903.
NOTICE 10 PROPERrY oWNE1S.
Notice Is hereby given that the as
sessment roll for the Improvement
by the sidewalking OF Perry street
from the center line OF Ninth avenue
to the center line OF Fourteenth ave-
nue. is now on file in the city clerks
Office. Said roll was fled on the 9TH
day OF August. 1908. and is now open
for public inspection.
Tho city council will meet on the
LIST day of September. 1908. at the
hour OF 1880 p. m. of said day, at
which said meeting the city council
will hear and consider appeals from
and objections to said assessment
roll by parties asgrieved by said as
sessment.
c. \. FLEMING. City Clerk.
Spokane. Wash. August 8. 1903.