The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1903-04-26
A CIRCUMLoCUTIoN OFFICE.

Nothing has happene in many a long
day so likely to add to the gayety of ma
tions and the joy Of the individual with an
eye to the funny things of life as the burg
larious raid made by Mrs. Tyner on the
Postoffice Department of the United States.
OF course, it was very reprehensible Of Mrs.
Tyner 10 enter the sacred precincts. and,
with the aid of a professional safe opener,
remove official papers ard documents there
bold and reckless proceeding. so contrary
TO the routine commonly observed in con-
Quoting the affairs of the government. 1t
is not in this feature Of the affair that the
humor lies. 1t is really very solemn thing
and suggests unutterable possibiIities-this
disclosure that an employe of the govern
ment regards himself and his family as
having vested rights in his particular office.
1t is in the incidents Of the raid that enter
tainment lies to the lookers-on.
The lady who went a-burgling knew how
business was conducted in that great de-
partment, and was in no haste. At her
leisure she proceeded to the room; any
number of officials saw her enter, but she
was confident that they could not cut the
tangles of red tape in which they were en-
wrapped soon enough to interfere with her.
And they didn't. The safe-opener was ad-
mitted by back door and spent fifteen
minutes more in getting the doors open.
Then the lady consumed an hour in calmly
examining the papers, after which she con-
veyed them to her carriage and drove
placidly home.
Meanwhile, in the outer offices consterna-
ton existed. The tanitor thought all was
not right, but did not feel called upon to
do anything except to mention the matter
to his superior. The superior told clerk.
the clerk told the chief in charge of the
outer room. the chief reported the matter
to two inspectors, the inspectors told the
superior officer; that gentleman, who was
well up in the official line, realized that
something ought to be done and took action
postmaster general himself, to eject the
visitor. Meanwhile, the lady continued to
"burgle." and before the authority came
had departed with the swag. Incidentally.
il may be remarked, she has the goods yet,
and the great United States government is
apparently unable to get them back unless
she voluntarily restores such Of them as
she does not find suited to her own needs.
Charles Dickens once wrote this of a
''circumlocution Office discovered by him
,,oaar tba or;t;cb oo,-orpn,ant. are another
gunpowder plot had been discovered half
an hour before the lighting of the match.
nobody would have been justified in saving
the Parliament until there had been half a
score Of boards, half a bushel of minutes,
several sacks of official memoranda and a
family vault full of ungrammatical cor
respondence on the part of the circumlocu-
ton office. 1t was beforehand with
all the public departments in the art of
perceiving-how not to do it." II Dickens
could have looked forward to the raid on
our Postoffice Department he would have
seen these undreamed-of possibilities of cir
cumlocution.
Think of the attaches of a private bust
ness house permitting a representative OF
discharged, or, at least, of discredited
employee forcibly to open a safe belonging
to the establishment and depart unques-
toned with its contents! Even the office
boy would feel moved to protest in such
case, even though he had not been ordered
to do so by word passed along the line from
the employer down.
AS the matter now stands, the powerful
United States government has, to use the
language Of the street, been done by a
resourceful woman, and the government
can't help itself. To be sure, IL is not GER
tain that the loot she took was of especial
importance to the Postofice Department
but If it were it is not clear that the de-
parment could get it back.
BY the way. Mrs. Tyners success may
attract other adventurous spirits. Has any
lady yet arranged for raid on the United
States treasury?
COTTON MANUFACTURING IN THE