davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Bourbon news. [volume] (Paris, Ky.) 1895-19??, 1903-02-03
Side Li~hts on History.

THE trouble with you. job" said
one of his tOrmenters, sis that you
can't see the grotesque features Of
your case. You have no sense Of
humOr."
mo sense of humor," groaned job,
searching in vain for a place where
he could scratch himself. 'When nv
blood is full of it!"-Chicago Tri-
bune.
The Bourbon news. [volume] (Paris, Ky.) 1895-19??, 1903-02-03
How He Explained 1t.

al owe no man a dollar" he an
nounced proudly.
why you unconscionable scoun-
drel," retorted one of the party,
you've owed me V for the last eight
months"
'Well, that isn't dollar" Chicago
Post
The Bourbon news. [volume] (Paris, Ky.) 1895-19??, 1903-02-03
Canse and Enect.

Little Eddie was looking at the
drop Of water through the micro
scope.
Now know" he said, after see
ing the microbes darting around in
the water; 81 know what sings when
the kettle is boiling; it is these little
bugs.'-N. Y. Times.
The Bourbon news. [volume] (Paris, Ky.) 1895-19??, 1903-02-03
Outward signs.

''Mrs. Ripley is an intensely jealous
woman"
"Oh, guessed that, the first time
l called--befOre l even saw her-by
the very ugly parlor maid who opened
the door to mc.-Aliy S'oper.
The Bourbon news. [volume] (Paris, Ky.) 1895-19??, 1903-02-03
Poor Thing.

The ballroom is cleaning with brilliancs
and light,
Of beauty and wealth there's no lack;
But there isn't woman in all that vast
throng
Who has a whole dress to her back!
Smart Set
The Bourbon news. [volume] (Paris, Ky.) 1895-19??, 1903-02-03

Little Neighbor - Want a mouse,
Miss Sharp?
Miss Sharp-What do you mean
child?
Little Neighbor-Why, ma said you
was an old cat.-Chicago Daily News.
The Bourbon news. [volume] (Paris, Ky.) 1895-19??, 1903-02-03
No Chance to Forget.

Here's an account of man who
was cast away on a desert island for
1e years and when taken or could
speak the language just as we'll as
the day he landed"
Il wonder why he didn't forget t?''
His wife was with him.. Y.
Herald.
The Bourbon news. [volume] (Paris, Ky.) 1895-19??, 1903-02-03

Landlady (severely)-Nora, found
three hairpins in the hash at break
fast. 1 hope
Nora-Faith, now, an who'd ivir
drame NV loollin' fur 'em there! Olive
been missin' 'em all mornin'. Thank
you, ma'am, fur lettin' me know
n Y Sun
The Bourbon news. [volume] (Paris, Ky.) 1895-19??, 1903-02-03
SIicht MiacaIcuIatiou.

He thought to land on the other mans neck,
This fellow of muscle and bone
But he found out alas! when he came from
the wreck,
He had landed instead on his own.
N z Herald
The Bourbon news. [volume] (Paris, Ky.) 1895-19??, 1903-02-03
Railroad Time Card.
LOUISVILLE AND NASHVILLE.
ArrirnL OF Trains at Paris:

From Cincinnati-10:58 Jam 5:SS pmI
9:45 pm.
From Lexington-5:11 am; 7:43 ami
1928 pm; 6:l0 pm.
From Richmond-6:O am; T:4o ami
8:18 pm.
From Maysyille-7:45 am; 8:15 pm.
Departure of Trains from Parts:
To Cincinnati-5:15 am; 7:51 am,
$3.50 pm.
To LexiDgton-7:5O ami ll:O6 ami
5 40 pm; 9:49 pm. a~n
To Richmond-1l:lO am; 5;ss pml
1858 pm.
To MaysviIle-7:5O am; $50 pm.
F. B. CARR, Agent.
II. Riop. T. A.
The Bourbon news. [volume] (Paris, Ky.) 1895-19??, 1903-02-03
Musical Version OF Uncle Toms Cabin

Des Moines, Ia. Jan. 31.-The Bos-
ton Lyric Opera Co. produced for tho
first time at Fosters opera house Fri
day night musical version OF "Uncle
Toms Cabin" The music was by Har-
rison Millards and the words by Col,
w. A. Thompson.
The Bourbon news. [volume] (Paris, Ky.) 1895-19??, 1903-02-03
The Psalm of wealth.

Lives of millionaires remind us
We can reach flames shining strand
If we'll only leave behind US
Libraries 20 beat the band.
Judge
The Bourbon news. [volume] (Paris, Ky.) 1895-19??, 1903-02-03
Proper Ammunition,

o! Care will kill cat, they say,
And so when forth you fare
To kill such beasts by night or day
Be careful to take care.
Philadelphia Press.
The Bourbon news. [volume] (Paris, Ky.) 1895-19??, 1903-02-03
MOtiCo TO the Public !

have opened Plumbing Shop in the
Charles Stephens Block, Main St. and
am prepared to do all work in Plumb
ing and Gas Fitting. My work is
guaranteed frst-class and charges
reasonable. Give me a trial Of your
work and you will be convinced.
Thanking the citizens of Paris for their
previous favors while was with ThOs.
W. Ball aud hope they give me share
of their work remain
Very Respectfully,
W. q. WILLETT.
Phone 314.
The Bourbon news. [volume] (Paris, Ky.) 1895-19??, 1903-02-03
A Dream,

If dude In his automobile
Should collide with a scorcher a-wheel
And the crash to ensue
Should demolish the two
Twould seem much toe good to be real
N Y. Herald.
The Bourbon news. [volume] (Paris, Ky.) 1895-19??, 1903-02-03
Do Won Reeowuize ,Eme

Of all the sad and sorry words
That mankind ever writ,
The sdddest are-to most of US
These two: please remit"
Chicago Daily News.
The Bourbon news. [volume] (Paris, Ky.) 1895-19??, 1903-02-03

I'm surprised that you keep this
parrot. He swears like pirate!"
Il know, but he reminds me so
much of my late husband" -Lustige
Welt.
The Bourbon news. [volume] (Paris, Ky.) 1895-19??, 1903-02-03
Cheap to California.
The Burlingtol's Very Low One
Way Settlers Rates.

ANU AS&A NOt4.D OIJ lIVW OAAC~
Way Settlers Rates.
Every day during March aAd April,
only $50 from St. Louis, $50 from
Chicago to California terminals via BUR-
lington Route, Denver, Scenic Colorado
md Salt Lake City.
Special through tourist sleeperS
to San FranciSGO and Los Angeles
personally conducted over the above.
route Through Colorado's wonderful
scenery by daylight) every Wednes-
day and Friday night from St.
Louis and Chicago. Secure through
berths at the earliest date during this
rush, in these Burlington excursions, the
best of all to California.
Two great Coast trains daily with free
THAR cars.
Northwest Rates.
Cheap Settlers rates 70 the far North.
west daily during March and April 1909.
''The Burlington Northern Pacific
Express" is the only through train carry
ing through equipments from St. Louis
and Kansas City to the upper Northwest
region.
HOme-SeekerS' Excursions.
These arg run the first and third Tues.
days of each month to the entire West
and Northwest. Ask agent for details.
Do us the favor to write us of your pro-
posed trip and let us advise you the
lowest Cost, the best route and trains,
send you printed matter free aud assist
you:
w. M. SHAW, L. w. WAKELY,
D.P.A. 400 Wipe st, Gen1 Fas.Agt,
Cincinnati, Ohio. St. Louis, Mo.
HOWARD ELLIOTT,
General Manager, St. Louis, Mo.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-08-21
A DrLrcATE MArrER,

The officials of North Carolina are up against proposition that Is causing them no little worry and vexation, and all on account of cider. Cider is really an in nocent and harmless drink in it's first stage, and the most pronounced advocates of temperance can drink it then without violating their principles or convictions. But cider changes and there Is where the trouble comes in, because the per centage of alcohol contained is a very important figure in the problem. and in this case 1t Is something like the old contention as to when a pig ceases to be a pig and be- comes a hog.
 Under what is known as the Watts law In North Carolina a farmer can make and sell cider, or any one else can sell it, provided it does not contain over a cer- tain per cent of alcohol, but the Watts law fails to fix the limit. Under the UnI- ted States revenue laws the limit is 5 per cent, and any cider containing a greater per centage of alcohol than that is sub ject to taxation as spirits
 Right here comes in the conundrum. When cider Is first expressed from the apples 1t contains very little alcohol. By fermentation and evaporation the per centage increases until the average is given by government tables at s.6 per cent. Now. the perplexing question is to know just when the limit has been ps ssed and how the dealer or farmer is to know 1t. In short. when does the pig become a hog? Probably not one farmer in thousand can apply the test. even ie he has the instruments, with sufficient &C., curacy to know when his cider has passed the danger line. The dealer Is little better off, for barrel of the liquid far tclow the limit when he purchases 1t may pass the limit before he sells 1t out and thus he may get caught on the fly, as 1t were. With the farmer the case is even worse, for If he finds no sale for part of his crop while 1t Is fresh he will store 1t away till there is demand for 1t. Then the purchaser may have 1t tested. find 1t -cbKERfha GBr per cent of alcohol and have the poor farmer nailed for a viola ton of the revenue laws. It strikes us that the safest thing for those who make cider in the Old North State Is to drink 1t while fresh.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-08-21
Mrs, Astor's Ball.

New York Evening World.
 Wall Street spells Mrs. Astor's ball. Men summoned to New York by brokers demands for further margins.-Pres4 dis patch.
 There was a sound of revelry by night and Newport's quality" was gathered there. her beauty and her chivalry. The lights shone bright OCT fair women and brave men the flowers in the debutante' corsage exhaled their sweetest perfume the gombO d volatile and the mignon ds filet de boeuf were hot in the range Qt is the close season for terrapin and canvas back. and all went merry as Newport ten-year time-limi marriage bell. Joy was unconfined
 But hark! Did you. not hear it2 That crunch on the graveled path as ths tel egraph boy rides up on his wheel with messages from Wall Street? The dread call comes for more margins.
 An! then and there was hurrving to and fro for check books. This cotillon leader stuck for $1O0.000 more, that old clubman for $l000.000. this klnsman of counts for as much. The dense gloom falls on pal ace walls and mars the scene but late IT, radite with joy. There are parlings in hot haste all around and special cars for the city"
 And Wall Street goes on llquidating se- curities dewy with feminine tear drops. This block means A postponed trip to Europe that a diamond necklace unpur- chased for a fair brides neck. It Is rough. but 1t is Wall Streets way.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-08-21
TWO REGENT EXAMPLES.
The Indianapolis Sentinel gives us this case in point:

The Indianapolis Sentinel gives us this case in point:
 The recent discharge of a negro who knocked down a white woman with a baby at the Union Station Is apparently bearing fruit. The offense was repeated only knocked down a woman and child but also drew knife on the officer who arrested him. It must be evident to any body of common intelligence that this sort fty and should meet earnest rebuke from the authorities. If order cannot be pre- and children cannot be protected from ruflans then 1t will be useless to talk about preserving order on the streets.
 Like conditions are apt to produce like results, in Indianapolis or in Montgomery. We do not kpow why the first brute was turned loose. but 1t was doubtless be- oils wants to stand in with the colored voters, and from what we have read of that administration that Is probably the true explanation. However that may be- the action in that first case has borne just the fruit that was to be expected The failure to punish one negro for a brutal outrage on white woman was just as certain to embolden other negro brutes to repeat the offense as anything could possibly be. It Is a part of the ne- gro's nature, North and South, to take liberties with white women if they feel that they can do so safely.
 That such acts are liable to produce trace hostility" Is true enough. and un. less there were some highly extenuating circumstances we do not hesitate to say that something more effective than hos tility should have resulted. If the au- thorities cannot or will not protect the white women and children from assaults and brutal treatment from negroes there ought to be white men with enough of manhood in their veins to protect them. And if such cases as The Sentinel cites should produce a race war in the city the country would ring with accounts of the treatment the negroes are receiving, when they bring it all on themselves. It would be much better and might save much fu- ture trouble, If the authorities would both punish and prevent such exhibitions of negro brutality as those referred to. Prevention in such cases is comparative ly easy. but to cure the disease after 1t has obtained firm hold may be found very difficult.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-08-21
We find this in The savannah News:

The Rev. A. M. Williams proposes as a remedy for lynchings that 1t shall be made legal to lynch those guilty Of the crime for which lynchings are most com mon. If this were done he appears to think there would be no lyncninSs for other crimes.
 We do not know who the reverend gen tleman is, but it occurs to us that his plan would only extend the trouble. If the lynchers are lynched then those who do the latter lynching would be equally as guilty as the first parties were and should be lynched also. That would keep the practice enlarging and spreading till 1t would take in the entire State Would Mir. Williams endorse that? If not. can he tell when and where the business would stop7
The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-08-21
BABcocK FOR HOUSE LEADER.
Wisconsin Man Succeeds Serene E
 Payne at Next Session.

Albany Argus.
 An interesting story comes from the Lake Champlain region to the effect that at conference of Republican leaders in Congress it had been decided to name Joseph W. Babcock, Representative from Wisconsin, Chairman of the Committee on Ways and Means. which would carry with 1t the position of majority leader on the floor of the House of Represent atives.
 The gentlemen who conferred included Joseph G. Cannon of Danville, H., who will be Speaker of the next House of Representatives; James s. Sherman of Utica. Joseph Sibley of Pennsylvania, and others, and 1t Is understood that they concluded that as Sereno E. Payne. of Auburn, formerly the nominal House leader. was in such poor physical condi- man Babcock. The only other Rep resentative considered was Congress- nan John Dalzell of Pittsburg. who has been member of the Committee on tione6 as a possibility for the chairman ship of the Committee on Ways and Means.
 Many believe that Congressman Dalsell would make better and more astute majority leader, and that his selection would be a better one, inasmuch as such important questions as the currency and the tariff are to be considered. Congress man Babcock is considered to be a fire- brand at times and tariff reformer be- tween campaigns. He has introduced several measure In the douSe 10 take or the duty on trust-made products, but these bills have been carefully buried in committees, and as a trust-buster Bab- cock has never done much harm. He has served as chairman of the Republican Congressional Committee, and 1t Is pos sible that in selecting him for majority leader of the House. Messrs Cannon, sherman. Sibley and others had in mind the fact that this leadership would place on him large responsibility and he would be bound to conduct himself COIL servatively. like the bird in the gilded cage.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-08-21
For the Reunion.

Editor The Advertiser:
 In your issue of Sunday. 9th inst, Gen. eral Oates suggests reunion In Mont gomery of Laws old Brigade, the 4th, 18th. 44th. filth and 4Sth&Alabama Regi- ments, l heartily endorse General Oates suggestion. Let what few of us are left get together once more. and if as Gull pepper says we ignorantly fought for our constitutional liberties some of us are still proud of it. All true Southern sol diers are dear to us. We would like to meet our comrades with whom We went shoulder to shoulder through the cam paigns of Virginia, Maryland, Pennsyl- vania and East Tennessee and talk over the incidents of these days. We verify believe that our wives, some of whom were only the sweethearts of the South ern soldier boys. in the sixties and not withstanding our defeat and poverty were true to their plighted vows. and with our sisters and daughters have ever honored us. would again honor us with their presence without the inducement of gay uniforms and other paraphernalia, and rejoice with us in our commingling to- gether. We trust that MT Culpepper would not be very badly shocked at our proceedings. Respectfully,
 H. B. Weather. Laws old Company L, Tuskegee, 4th
 Alabama,
The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-08-21


 brated in New Jersey last week. in gen uine William Tell style, the 712th anni- versary of their national birth. Tn cos mopolitan New York most sucn anfniver- saries pass without much notice. but in of attention. Y q "
 There are about $500 natives of switx- erland resident in New York City. There are about 5,000 residents of the Greater New York of Swiss percentage or descent. being. attracted to other cities than this. for the reason that the two crafts in which Swiss workers excel, silk making and watch making, are carried on out side of New York more extensively than The Swiss in New York. elsewhere. trious. thrifty. charitable. little inclined to controversy. litigation or disturbance and stalwart in their defense of order and ony' is valuable element in the great eongiomerate population of the town.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-08-21
Is Education Unpopular in Englandp

MT. Sidney Brooks has a striking ar ticle in the current issue of Harper's Weekly, on the subject of education in England. Mir. Brooks begins by quoting with approval the opinion of the late Bishop of London that England has a
 contempt for knowledge,' and he goes on to show that the bishop was sub stantially right, and that the English are not really in earnest about education that it is still cause to which they will not take of. their coats" It seems that oxford can be in need of money; yet the fact is so. Money is wanted at Oxford for all the newer branches of study and for most of the old ones, '" Not only. he says, is there a strong so- cial conviction in England that educa- tion is something dangerous and ensnar- ing. but the world of business is equally skeptical: Manufacturing and commer- eial, England is at least a generation be recognition of the value of scientific in- struetion. In electrical engineering, in production of glass. or iron and steel,
 = and of many other. articles in which Britain used to be the industrial center, she is being rapidly left behind"
The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-08-21
Northfeld.
New York Mail and Express.

New York MalI and ENpTess.
 Northfield, Mass, Is rapidly bee ouinc an American holy city" with a iltle t1 that appellation quite superior to that of the centers of superstitil m in Asia and misty and musty legends of the past The little towns title to such name Is Supe- rior because its sanctificati0n is derive l from very hard and constant work in the field of formative religion. It Is teem- ing workshop of religious faith and prac- ttce.
 village was pierced with many spires, the token of a religious disposition on the part of its people. long before Dwight Moody, one of it's sons, conceived the idea of making 1t the center of certain very active religious influences. But the shrines he raised became more famous than any that had stood there before. And his work has gone on increasing in magnitude and effectiveness since he died
The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-08-21
Dialogues of the Dav.

New York Evening Post.
 First Newspaper Man-Can you under stand all that stuff in The Sun about Roosevelt having made 1t impossible to borrow money?
 Second Newspaper Man-WeI, I can un- derstand that 1t was not meant to be un- derstood. The obscurer the oracle the more 1t frlghtens foolish fo ks.
 First Newspaper Man-But why does The Sun put 1t in double leads?
 Second Newspaper Man-On the princi- pie of the advice that Lyman Beecher gave his son. Henry Ward-the less you have to say, the louder you must noIler
The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-08-21

law to its Republican white allies. It tells them that their party must either right the political wrongs of its, black allies or prepare to eat the grass of defeat en its belly" As the political wrongs" re- ferred to by The Age consist in the de- nial of universal negro suffrage in the South the esteemed Republican party may proceed at once to get down on It's abdomen and lay in supply of Nebu-
 ehadnezzer's diet for its future suste-
The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-08-21
A WHOLESALE PEN ION GRAB.

That there is going to be determined effiort in the next Congress to enact a "service pension'f law seems now beyond doubt. The object of such a law Is to give pension of SIP month to all sol- diers and sailors of the Union army and navy in the war between the States who were honorably discharged, The Port land oregonian. which is usually fair and conservative. virtually endorses the proposition. and one of it's arguments is this:
 In our judgment all opposition to this bill will fail; the politicians in both parties will favor 1t, because 1t is backed by the G. A. R., because it is in acord with precedent, and because 1t is fairer than the present practice of passing special bills for the relief of individual soldiers whose claims have been rejected by the Pension Bureau. Today the veteran who is intelligent and influential enough to obtain the backing of a promi- nent Senator or Representative can get a special pension bill enacted for his benefit, but a comparatively ignoran tor unin- fiuential veteran has not intelligence or pull enough to get pension in this way after his claim has been rejected by the Pension Bureau.
 In plain words, because a subsevient Congress will pension any unworthy ap- plican tin consideration of his ''pull' the government should pension every man who served on the side of the Union. This excuse for holding ID fks government and the people is not aAcreiitable one. If we had a Congress that 'wak hpdependent of political influence and President like Cleveland the government would not be annually buncoed out of many millions of dollars which the people have to pay.
 And the argument that such a law Is justified by precedent is equally untena- ble. Soldiers of the war of 1872, of the Indian wars and of the war with Mexico have been pensioned. and it is admitted, as The Oregonian claims. that the acts under which they were pensloned were passed by Democratic administrations, but there is a vast difference in the cases. In all these wars soldiers from all the States of the Union were engaged. and veterans of al the States were interested There was no sectionalism about 1t, as there would be under the proposed inno- vation In this case the beneficiaries are all from one section of the Union, while all are taxed to pay the pensions. The justice oi forcing Southern people to pay pensions to Union soldiers Is open to question, but it is now the policy of the government, and no complaint is made when the pensions go to those who de- serve them, but this wholesale rewarding of those who were in the Union army, and taxing the South for large part of the expense Is not just or right. Com plaint or protest is useless. however. as we have Congress and President ready to do anything the G. A. R. demands.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-08-21
Views on Boston Common.

Boston Transcript
 "Wonder who these people are who are putting on so many airs?'
 oh, they are some of the excursionists that have come to town. They want to let folks know that they don't belong here"
 And who are those other people who act as though they were a little better than common clay?'
 They are residents, and they want pco- ple to know it."
The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-08-21
The Venerable Swiss.

New York Sun.
 It Is not every republic which can cele- brate the seven hundredth anniversary of it's establishment. The United States dates its Fourth of July celebration from 177G. The French republic dates US 14th of July celebration from 17s9. Lhe rcpub- lies of South and Central America. large or small. date their establishment from sone time in the past century.
 The Swiss residents of New York eele-