The Birmingham age-herald., 1903-10-11

"/J feels so fit to have stones to " walk on, noises to keep me from falling asleep in de day time. and cars and cabs to dodge to keep me in training, dat I has to sing me little song about it. or trun a fit.
 When we gets settled in our town house Whiskers says to me, "chames." he says to me- "Chames l am expect ing a visit from me fren from Boston. and he is a student of sociology" What's dat? sociology? Oats de void de very void Whiskers used. And me fren being a student of sociology" he says, T may want you for to guide us on some little tour where we may ob- solve" he says, de lower orders in der natural habitat" he says, using woids nearly as dudley as Mir. Pauls
 "Yes, sir" l says. "Would de habitat be near de Bowery, or Hells Kitchen, or Poverty Hollow, or Cherry Hill. or Lit tie Italy, or Little Hungary, or"
 wen wait and see how me frens mind is disposed" says Whiskers. Be ing from Boston he has more mind to be consulted dan most of me frens, and we'll see how he is woiking his intellectuals," says Whiskers, calling his fren dat hard name witout a wink.
 1 was on to his fren all right He's dat sporty boy from Boston who visits us every year. and l has had a run-in wit him and Whiskers before now. He tips fine, and dat sociology he studies won't never be teached in no school. Well pret- ty soon de sporty Boston boy shows up, and l takes his tings to his room.
 stXVfI1 if he Scotch rye while yOu dress for dinner?' I says, opening his trunk.
 Rye he says, which I drinks only for to help stem de rising tide of form invasion. Wit plain water" he says, flor it is more patriotic to drink as our fad der drank, dan to drink as our sons drink" and wit dat he gave me a solomn wink, and asks if 1 was de same boy dat waited on him when he was here de last time.
 De same" says I, "dat got you free when de cops raded de place where dere was private fight, when you was study ing sociology at de ring side
 'Ah indeed" he says, and den he says, An indeed?" and 1 didn't say noting, so he says, "Ah, indeed?" again; and den he watches me fix up his evening tings like dey was part of his studies. and just as l chases out for de rye and wa ter, he says, An indeed!'
 l never was to Boston and I don't know deir langwudge, but when l tinks over what Sporty Boy says copped all right dat l wouldn't have to ask where to take em when him and Whiskers was out for de evening-so long as 1 didn't take em too far from de Bowery.
 De foist night Sporty sat in at bridge wit Whiskers, Mir. Paul and Miss Fan nie; and me being on duty I was fuss ing around de wood fire, and de bottles and glasses, enough to learn dat Boston is no farming country when it comes to bridge; for de check Whiskers gives Sporty was de price of a trip from Bos- ton, wit a few gaily-gaily extrays trun in on de side I'm not just dead to rights what dose ''intellectuals" Whiskers was telling of, is to be took for, but dey ain't no woise when it comes to sizing up de wort of a hand at bridge.
 De next night was de opening ball of de Roseleaf Social, Outing and Life Say ing club, so l says to Boston, when I takes him his coffee in bed in de morn ing. dat if he was looking for study in sociology dat was de real ting I could fetch him down dere dat night and in- sure his life and de retoin of his hat for a dollar a t'row.
 Sure" he says. "Now dat I rec nizes you as de same young man dat was me guide. phlos pher and fren on me last visit of obsoivation, anyting you sug- gest will be sure to be a profitable study"
 So tells em dat all dey would have to do was to get masks for de foist Roseleaf blowout was a fancy dresser, but dey would be fancy enough if day hide deir mugs wit masks. Duchess tells me dat she wasn't going. so l didn't have mo- body to look after but Sporty and Whis- kers-but dey is enough I -hases down to de drum of me fren de barkeep, and at ten o'clock me swell company comes along, and makes good by ordering de plug pulled from a quart, and asking me and me fren to split it wit em. It's all by day of studying sociology" hears Boston say. Dey has a hack wit em and we gifts in, puts on our masks and goes to de ball, in time for de grand march, what l leads wit Maggie de house maid she being de steady of me fren, who's de president of de Roseleafs.
 We aint no political club, see? so we plays bote parties district leaders. If you're a political club you can pull de leg of only de leader you takes orders from, but if you is what de swells calls ''non- -party-sand' you can make de lead CTS on bote side unbelt when you needs few long green to give your ball in style. l used to be a party-sand, but dats no way to play politics if you're onto de
 
 keep bote district leaders guessing who's your favorte. As soon as dey know who you will holler for, dey lets you holler wit a dry troat. So bote de leaders was dere, and Whiskers and Boston not be- ing in on de grand march, I takes em over to de leaders, who was sitting on de side of a bottle as frenly as two pups in a basket, and l gives em a knock-down to each odder; not naming me swells names, but telling de leaders dat dey was frens of mine, and so de leaders says, Amy fren of my fren-anod- der quartz
 De old gents. meaning me swells and de leaders, was soon as tick as four teeves, and I links dat Boston might be wanting to study how politics is run bote sides of de fence, so 1 lets em out of me mind, and goes in for de grand march up to de limit. We was just doing de last toin around de hall, Maggie walking on de edge of her foot for joy dat she, and not Duchess, was doing de lead. when I sees a party come in dat nobody knows, and dey was ragged out in de fanciest dresses of de whole bunch,
 'Who's de fairies?" l asks Maggie, and she says dey is some of de ladies of de leaders gang. what had come to look on, and get de wort of de poodle we'd touched de leaders for. I wish I'd look ed hard at em; I'd knownl
 So I says. "All right; if dey is out for de wort of deir price. let's give 1t to em. Take partners for de Roseleaf quad- riller I yells, and me and Maggie, what is two of de highest kickers we takes de head of de foist set, and de band began to play. At me side was a dame of de party I'd seen come in, and she