The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1903-04-22
HOW IT CAME ABOUT.

The Eminent Statesman WHO'D never
wants his name mentioned was talking
with the Conscientious Reporter who is
so careful not to mention it.
| Il can let you into little bit of diplo-
matte history" said the Eminent States
man Il can tell you how the Tsar came
! to call the Peace Conference Perhaps
| you could use it in your paper"
| The Conscientious Reporter thought
perhaps he might.
| 1T was this way: The Tsar had been
| pestered to death by people who wanted
| too sell him new explosives, machine
| guns, dynamite bombs, submarine boats
and such things. They'd wait around be-
! fore he had his breakfast and cali him up
| on the telephone after he went to bed
When he went on a journey his destina-
| ton was supposed TO be kept a profound
| secret, and detectives were employed to
guard his imperial person. Nevertheless.
| the moment he stepped on a railway plat
| form, he was sure to be greeted ELUSIVE
| ly by somebody who would insist on
showing him the latest thing in nitro
glycerine.
Well. the crisis came at last. One
| morning the Tsar was busy in his private
office preparing article designed 10
convince China >that an anti-expansion
policy is an excellent thing for people who
can't help ii when a genial stranger
walked in and announced himself as a
canvasser for a new submarine boat The
Tsar was annoyed.
g How in thunder did you ever get in?
he asked. 1 have given my guards strict
orders to admit no one. IF any man
comes here" said /, Ito sell me a subma-
rine boat. shoot him on the spot"
=" Your Majesty should not be too hard
on the guards said the visitor. The
brave fellows did the best they could. but
what can you expect? 1 am book agent
am here Your Majesty
Yes said the Tsar. and If you don't
get out I'll send you to Siberia
The man waved his hand deprecat-
ingly.
Your Majesty said he, what is the
use threatening an old book agent?'
The Tsar thought it over and con-
Guided that there wasn't any use.
Now, look here, my friend said he,
in a more conciliatory tone, I'm tired OF
these military and naval inventions. l
bought eight machine guns last month
and every blamed one is out of order. and
only last Monday I got stuck on a subna-
rine boat that won't work. In fact. knew
it wouldn't work. just took it to get rid
Of a canvasser. I'm going to swear
ooff'
. I'm not surprised, Your Majesty. The
popularity of the average submarine boat
is that it won't work. But mine is diff
ferent. 1t is never out of order-can't
get out of order. And it is SO deadly
will blow up a navy in forty seconds.
And the mechanism is so simple-the tor
pedoes are bound to hit the enemy-can't
possibly miss. A child could operate
And so on
1.-The Tsar did the best he could. He
asked the canvasser TO call again, but he
wouldn't. and he offered to give him let
ter of introduction to the Kaiser, al
though he knew that Wilhelm might
Justly consider such an act a casus belli
But the canvasser said he would not en-
Joy an interview so easily obtained. Then
the Tsar played his last card. He said he
was broke-hadn't ruble. So the agent
sold him the boat on the installment
plan.
After the man had gone the Tsar bu-
ried his face in his hands and thought
what a horrible thing war is. and he de-
termined that something must be done.
THAT night the invitations to the Peace
Conference were sent out."-William z.
McKenna, in y. Y. Herald.