The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1903-09-14


but quick and sprtngy, and muscied IKE q
panther. He's not beautiful, either, Dut
pleasant to look at, one OF those proaSo,
hiSh-cheeked faces one sees so mucn III the
West, with the funniest quick yeilowisn
gray eyes, and the most disreputaole mus
tache L ever saw, yellow and ragged: II ne
must eat IL, wish he would eat IL OH even
clear across. And he's likely TO talk the
most execrable slang, or TO quote brown
ing. But he was making real love, ana you
know I'm not used to that. I'm accustomed
10 go my pace before sharply calculating
eyes, to show If I'm worth the ASKING
price But here was real love being made
on down in the earth (we'd run away from
the others because L liked him at once.l
don't mind telling you he moved me, partly
because L had wondered about him from
that night. and partly because of all had
come TO feel about this new place and the
| new people. and because he seemed sQcn a
4 fine, active specimen of Western manhood
| l won't tell you all the wild, lawless
| thoughts that scurried and sneaked through
/ my mind-they don't matter now-for all
/ at once IL came out that he was the only
son of that wealthy Bines who died awhile
ago-you remember the name was men
toned that night at your house when they
were discussing the exodus OF Western MIL
J lionaires to New York; some one named the
father as one who liked coming TO New
York 10 dissipate occasionally, but who was
still rooted in the soil where his millions
| grew.
There was the son before me. just an or
binary man OF millions, after ail-and my
| little toy balloon of romance that I'd been
| noatlng SO gdily on a string OF Sentlfnent
was pricked TO nothing in an instant.
felt my nostrils expand with the excite
| ment of the chase, and thereafter L was my
| coldly professional self. IL that young man
| has not now high estimate of my charms
! of person and mind, then have my ways
| forgot their cunning and L be no longer the
| daughter OF Margaret Milbrey, nee Vaen
| Schoule.
But, Mutterchen, now comes the disgrace
full part. I'm afraid of myself even in spite
of our affairs being so bad Dad has doubt
less told you something must be done very
| soon, and seem to be the only one TO do II.
| And yet l am shying at the gate. This trip
| has unsettled me, l tell you, letting me,
! among other things, see my old self. Before
| / always rather liked the idea of marriage,
| that is, after I'd been out a couple of years
| not too well. but well enough-and now
| some way L rebel, not from scrupies, but
| from pure SelfiShneSS. I'm beginning to find
! that l want to enjoy myself and TO find,
| further, that I'm not indisposed to take
chances-as they say out here. Will you
understand, wonder? And do women VINO
| sell themselves ever find any real pleasure
In the bargain? The most eloquent exam
pies. the ones that sell themselves to many
| men, lead wretched lives. But does the
| woman who sells herself to but one enjoy
life any more? She's surely as bad, from
any standpoint of morals, and l imagine
sometimes she is less happy. At any rate
she has less freedom and more obligations
under her contract. You see am philoso-
phizing pretty coldly. Now be horrified II
you will.
am selfish by good right, though
Haven't we spent all our surplus in
keeping you up for a good marriage?" says
the mater. meaning by a good marriage
that / shall bring enough money into the
family to keep up its traditions" am,
In other words, an investment from which
they expect large returns. / told her
hoped she could trace her selfishness to its
source as clearly as L could mine. and as
Tor the family family traditions, Fred was s., pre-
Which was very ugly in me, and cried
afterwards and told her how sorry 1 was.
Are you shocked by my bold calculations?
| oil I'M ryn fp LAT HarS tn
| and
"s have no time to waste
In patching fig-leaves for the naked truth"
1 am cursed not only with consistent
feminine longings and desires, but, in spite
Of my training and the examples around
me, with a Discrimination to be wholly
vicious. Awhile ago marriage meant only
more luxury and less worry about money.
1 never gave any thought TO the husband.
certainly never concerned myself with any
, notions of duty or obligation toward him.
ingly how to get a husband. but nothing of
how to be a wife. The husband in my case
was to be an inconvenience, but, doubtless,
there We're that, and even for the mere Of
tense of his existence, I should wreak my
! spite merrily on his vulgar dollars.
But you are saying that like the pres
ent eligible. That's the trouble. / like him
so well i haven't the heart to marry him.
When was twenty twenty l could have loved him
| to be gone some freshness or fondness
can still love-I know it only too well night
and day-but 1t must be a different kind of
man. He is SO very young, and reverent,
and tender, and, in a way, SO unsophisti-
Gated. He is so afraid Of me, for all his pre-
tense of holiness.
Is it because 1 must be taken by sheer
force? I'll not be surprised If 1T is. Do we
not in our secret soul Of souls nourish this
beatitude: Blessed is the man who de-
stroys all barriers?" Florence Akemit said
as much one day, and Florence, poor soul
knows something of the matter. Do we not
Lett 1afio nf1 ind fha haY -ia
NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. capital punish
ment for any assault, relaxing not one Sc
verify. yet falling meek and submissive and
glad, to the man who brutally and honestly
! beats them down, and destroys them ut
! terly? So many fail by merely beating
them down. OF course If an untidy litter Is
] barrier and that particular assailant is
thenceforth deprived of combatant'.
: these things to you! Were girls so frank in
! your time?
, Well. my knight of the golden cross
! Coke; laughter and loud applause, and
! cries of go OnpO has a little, much in
. deed. of the impetuous in him, but, alas
: | not enough. He has a pretty talent for it
: but no genius IL were married TO him to-
. | morrow, surely / am woman
, | should be made to infiict pain upon him the
: next day, with an insane stress to show
him, perhaps, l was not the ideal woman
: | he had thought me-perhaps out of q Jeal
: ousy Of that very ideal 1 had inspiredAra
tional creatures, aren't we?-beg pardon
4 we, lneus out Il. NOW ne, being q rea
| hkable man of man. can / do that-fol
I enough? Would 1 not even rather be pen
niless with the man who coerced every
great passion and littlest impulse, body
! and soul-perhaps with very hateful inso
! | lence of power over me? Do you know.
| suspect sometimes that I've been trained
: | down too fine, to my nerves, 1 mean
r | doubt If it's safe to pamper and trim anC
| stimulate and refine woman in that hot
! house atmosphere-at least if she's Z
= | healthy woman. She's too apt sometime.
to break her gait get the bit of tradition
> | pulses run away with her.
= | Oh, Mutterchen, L am sick and sore
= and yet filled with strange new Zest fol
= | this old puzzle of life. Will l ever be tn,
: | same again? This man is going to ask m,
!, | to marry him the moment | am ready fo
= him to. Shall / be kind enough to tell hin
= | no. or shall steel myself to go in and hur
). | him-make him writhe?
= And yet do you know what he gave mi
while i was with him? L wonder if womer
; feel it commonly? 1t desire for moth
% erhood-a curiously vivid and very definit
longing-entirely irrespective of him, yol
n understand, although he inspired ii. With
out loving him or being at all moved to
Il ward him, he made me sheerly want to b.
a mother! Or is it only that men we dom
d love make us feel mothery?
Am / wholly irrational and selfish an.
u bad, or what am i? know you'll love me
S whatever 1t is, and / wish now / coul,
e snuggle on that soft. eushiony shoulder o
q yours and go to sleep.
= Can anything be more pitiful that "a fin
ID old family" afflicted with dry rot like ours
: I'm always amused when read about tn
q | suffering in the tenementS The real an