The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1903-06-26
HACKALIAH
BASCOM'S
nAHY UNCLE DAVID BEcKEN-

skHl UNCLE DAVID BECkEN
lvl DARTER's brother-in-law
iIackaliah Bascom. was the unluckies,
man. ! s'pose. that ever lived" said the
man who persisted that he j. entitled
TO be believed when be says he live.
over toward Pochuch. as he leaned
against the wall facing the Rowland
house cash register. Then. again
you might say he was the luckiest mar
that ever lived. There are two sides
10 every question. ard it's a poor rule
that won't work both ways"
The manipulation Of the cash regis
ter was compromising a cocktail for a
stranger who came in. and said he had
been an night AT Goshen. The stranger
quaifed his tipple. and went out
"A cocktail" said the man from
over toward Pochuck. twas something
that my Uncle David Beckendarter's
brother-in-law. I~Iackaliah Basccm.
never would drink.
Give me mine straight lie used TO
say. and then If ! fall by the way. |
amt goin' 10 cii mad and abuse the
bartender. and lay it TO too much
sugar. a squirt more bitiers than there
ought a-been. or the lemon that vas
squeezed in it, he used to say.
"Hackaliah was a philosopher, but I
think he carried his philosophy a little
too far as 10 the matter Of what he
took to drink. Now. I amt p%ar,iclar
whether mine j. a cocktail or a dead
straight"
The man from Pockhuck paused.
The manipula;or ~ the cash register
was husy fixing his necktie at the mir
ror among the glassware. No one re
marked anything. The PochGck cit
i1en sighed. sat down. cracked a cc-ple
II fingers on both hands. and said:
YES. Hackaliah Rascom was The
luckiest and the uniuckiest man that
ever lived. He was always havin' mar
row escapes until a year ago. He
hadn't a whole bone in his body when
he died-for Hacka.iah is dead. and
I'm feelin' mighty bad about it-and
as to scars. he'd have made a good twin
brother TO the tattooed man in the side
show.
As soon as Hackaliah BaScom went
anywhere near a railroad an ingine
would blow up and give him a clip. or
he'd git run over. or his horse would
git scared and run away. and break
a leg or somethin' for him.
'Once he was ridin' on an express
train. roin' up the mountain. over
in Pennsylvania. near where he lived.
Tie train hadn't gone far before Hack
allah got il into hrs head that he'd &c
back in the hind car. He walked ont
of The door. and square of the plat
form He was in the hind car all the
time. and didn't know IL.
lie tnmbled around on the track IN
he wake Of the train for abont a quar-
tel of a mile. and was cut and slasheI
and scraped in a way that would have
filed a peddler Of arnica plaster with
joy. Hackaliah picked himself up by
and by. and started on his way afoot.
"He had walked pretty near all the
way 20 his station. when along came
the emigrant train. going his way.
The cowcatcher of the ingine lifted
up and pitched him ag'inst
he bank as il he'd been shot out Of a
The ingine didn't seem
70 mind the shock a bit. but went right
a IL nothin' had happened.
"The emigrant trains in them DAYS
more than half a mile long. Hack
lliah Bascom had plenty o. time to
what was best for him TO do.
he felt somethin' Ike a piece o. meat
feel after il had passed through
sassage machine.
"'Thcre's r thing certain saws
Il amt going to lay here all
light. and I'm blistered if | feel much
ike walkin' any further. I guess I'll
'ide the rest o. the way on the emf
says he.
so he jacked himself up till he got
his feet. The train was goin' 20
nile an hour. When the hind car
anne along. Hackaliah Bascom made a
rab for il. He ketched 1t and got on.
as sure assure as you're drawin'
for tibet Teller. who is seemin'ly as
ry as IL he'd been talkin' for the las,
; minutes. and nobody hadn't said
othin'."
The customer who came in for the
Ger got il and went out again. The
Of the cash register wills
led: I'm a Jonah Man. with a far
way look in his eyes. The man from
pward Pochuck cracked some more
myers and resumed. :
"Hackaliah ketched that hind car
MD he. land got on ia the train as
lick as %straddlin' a sawbuck. 4 for
Il how many stitches the doctor took
! him when he got home. but Uncle /,
'asid B~eckendarter says they had to |,
end 10 the county eat after more
:
Then there was the time HackaIiah +.
cd the big runaway accident. He I.
ias watering his horses. and stood /,
light in front Of I'm. some boy or
sot of a ~firecracker. and away
he team started. !
eth. old man Hackal:ah vas !