The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1903-12-25
HUMOR OF TIE DAY.

Lewis.)
HUMOR OF TIT DAY.
.Remus," said Chloe, .:Ah saw some
self-raisin' buckwheat down ct de
stohe' Oats muffin grumbled
Remus, who had ten dependent off
spring. What All want to see is some
self-raisin' children" -Chicago Daily
News.
Aunt Jane-'Helen, I saw that young
man kiss you last evening"" Helen-..I
don't think you need to complain.
Auntie: I don't think he would have
given the kiss to you If you had been
there instead of me-" Boston Trans
cript.
Mr.. Ireland-"This book on swimming
is very useful in sudden emergencies"
Mrs. Ireland-"Is it - Mr.. Ireland-'sI
should say SO. If you are drowning.
how to save yourself. '-Glasgow Even
ing Times.
Too Observation-Disclosures Creturning
ever has become of the parrot ?"
Bridget-''Well, you see, mum, after
you left it looked a bit pining like, and
didn't talk much. so cook and I put it
out of its misery, poor thing, and 1 had
it stuffed for my new 'at."-Judy.
Obviously.-Benevole Old Gentle
man-''Don't you think fishing a cruel
sport?'' Fisherman-'T should just
think it was. I've been sitting hare
five hours and never had a single bite.
and I've got three wasp stings, and
been eaten up with flies. and the SUMS
taken all the skin off the back of my
neck" '-Pick-Me-Up.
Yes. I'm western man, myself
That so? I've never been west, but I
QxnQ0f fn ha &c
fair" ooh! that may be worth seeing,
but it won't be in it with the "Aht
how are things in Chicago ?"-Phil-
adelphia Press.
"Oh, John. John, my little boy is
playing with your moving machine!"
HE won't hurt it, a'ami Don't you
worry!''-Brooklyn Life.
visitor-'My man. what brought you
here?" Convict-"Insomnia, Mum-de
cop couldn't sleep and so he wuz pa
trolling his beat!"-Puck.
Mrs. Cramford-'Is that an exper-
fenced girl you have?" Mrs. BRADSHAW
why, I should say she Isl This is
the ninth place she's had this year.
Judge.
Softleigh-"Do you-aw-weally be-
lieve that a woman can make a fool of
any man?' Miss Cutting-''Ye if
nature doesn't get the start of her,
Chicago Daily News.
Literary Critic-"I liked your new
book all except that last chapter.
There was no reason, so far as I could
see, for making the story end unhap-
ply Struggling Author-'I did that
for a purpose. When the story is dram
affixed, the stage version will be made
to end happily, and it will be a lot of
free advertising, both in the literary
and dramatic columns of the papers.
See ?,s'-Chicago Tribune.
"As innocent-,' GAS a new born babe.
of course sneered Bagsby.
LAS new born South American repuD-
1ici"-Puck.
John Smith was being led to the block.
Fear not!'' the maid exclaimed. in ring
ing tones, 'Pocahontas will save your
us that the name of new breakfast
food?" he asked, weakly.-Harper's Ba-
Ear.
ct always feel sorry when 1 see young
man falling in love with a girl whose
chief charm is her beauty remarked the
scanty-haired bachelor.
s'Sorry for yourself?' asked the pretty
boardeB-Chicago Daily News.
Mrs. Bullitt-Tell me it again, darling;
the story of your facing death fearlessly
Major Bullitt-But you must be tired
hearing it.
to go down and face the cook.-Town and
Country.
Mother latter the wedding)-Horrorsi
I'm afraid Clara has made an awful mis-
take. Her affianced looked young and had
excellent credentials, but / do believe
he's an impOSter and has been married
dozens of times before.
F-riend-Goodness 1t can't be.
Mother-But did you see him? At the
altar he didn't drop the ring or stumble
over his own feet or act like half-witted
donkey a bit He's fraud, and I know
ft.-New York Weekly.
liquor again if she will marry me-
Griggs-Don't you hate to have to break
your promise ?-Brooklyn Life
Their marriage was a hasty affair. I
YES, indeed They told the minister to
hurry, as they had engaged a cabman by
the hour.'-Judge.
Wait said the walking delegate,
pausing. to listen to the music of the
those musicians have union cards.''-Chi-
cago Evening Post
well anyway he said during their
little spat, when proposed to you, you
took me promptly enough
Yes" she replied, Il was only VIC
deIphia Ledger.
The Poet (deprecatinglyl-They say she
gives more attention to her motor cars
/ than to her children.
The Butterfly-Of course. How absurd
you arei Motor cars require more atte1-
| ton than children.-Punch.