The Big Sandy news. [volume] (Louisa, Ky.) 1885-1929, 1903-06-19
my FRENCH BARBER.
A Big Sandian Tries a Shave and
Haircut in Paris.

myself In need OF a shave and hair
cut. Wandering about through
the endless corridors Of the hotel
in search OF a barber, finally ran
into an exceedingly Frenchy
Frenchman-a porter--who, after
my going through various ma
neuvers such as rubbing my face
and pulling out bits Of hair, under
standing my neutrality-suspicious.
volunteered TO pilot me to the place
where | hoped to see my face and
head take or a more genteel APP
pearance. And then to DO shaved
In Partisan tonsorial Institute
what could be finer? 1t would be
like a tripto fairy land, from which
one would come back with a home
Is face touched into beauty and an
unattractiYe suit OF hair made
abundant and comely!
But alas !-"the best laid schemes
OF mice and men gang aft agley.P
My rose-tinted dreams OF a Paris
barber and his shaving palace soon
faded. Instead OF being greeted by
an Apollo dressed In latest French
fashion, fell into the hands OF a
huge, ungainly, butcher-llke man
who, after performing numberless
feats OF bowling, scraping, gesticu.
lating, ETC., led me (as sheep to
the slaughter, i was about to say
to stiff uncushioned, straight
backed chair and showed me down
with a thug which instantly called
TO the surface Of my nature all
those unseemly characteristics
which the Christian religion is de-
signed to remedy. Instead OF step
ping into room palatial in size,
carpeted with rich velvete, and per-
fumed with the sweetest OF Arabi-
on odors-ah me, ] entered a two
by.four enclosure resembling
stall in second.class livery stable
| After seating me In his murder
Gus looking chair, he "yanked'
from the depths OF chest-llke
drawer long white garment
which, for want OF a better com
parison, resembled woman's
nlght-gown. With terrific blow
Ing of " accumulated breath and
blubbers and a violent thrusting
ont OF both arms-all OF which oc'
Cured at the same time-l under
stood that | was to wear this femi
nine robe while the operation was
being performed. After some de
! Liberation and much awkwardness
1 managed to crawl, climb or creel
Il hardly know whlch-into it,
Now that | was satisfactorily
placed in his torture.chair, thii
French adept at skinning peopl'
alive began his work OF destruc
| ton. AS | remember, his first &C
, WAS to make semi.clrcular move
. ment about the chair and Its help
. less victim In strlkingly drama
tic manner-like unto some gener
( 81 going out on military survey
| He did this, you will kindly re
Y member, in u half squatting pos
o ture, his expression through 1t al
warning me to prepare for dealt
or worse still, to be eaten alive
And | never did relish tales of cai
nlballsm.
Such a ferocious beginning,
thought, was certain prophecy OF
tragic ending. That the prophec
was abundanuy fulfilled, you ma
y be enabled to better understan
= my trlbulatious il report thet
round by round.
Round No. |. Convinced TIL
his victim was an easy mark, Il
: Frenchman splattered my face,ey'
and mouth with soap-suds. "a
y cording to American rules, tn
was a ilagrant violation, nice, so
~ lather being applied in Uncle Sam
domain. But all / could do vi
to grit my teeth, and hope for We
geance.)
Il. Round No. .. Happy over h
t. easily won conquest, the Frenc
,k man came up fresh and glarln
90 awkwardly gripping a dull, dead
49, razor in his hand. Dealing me o.
OF terrible "swipe" on the right 81
r. OF my face, | begged for mercy, b
on In a language my assassin cou
ty not understand, Moreover, Il
Sc, French fool was so intoxicated wi
In sense OF his shaving ability tn
I'M nothing short Of knock-do'
would sober him. Everything &C
sidered,- age, weight a
length decided that the "sob
mt ing processn was not mine to p
I'd. form. So ! just permitted him
NO slash away.
ali Round No. 3. The Frenchma
blood-curdling tactics were as I
,ak rible as In the preceding roun
.ed Honing his razor very much |
DIV a Lawrence county farmer VIII
MP his scythe, he then waved 1t thr
above his head, unconsclously II
tatlug a western Indian out OF
scalplng tournament. with
We tierce | waited for the blow to I
sie' ever daring to h pc that 1t mi
a