davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-04-03

waiting In the bank directly In front
of me was a charming woman Of TWEEN
" or so who was having her first ex-
perience in banking" SAID the mer-
chant rs he lighted his cigar after
luncheon. "She was asked the ques-
tons usual for one who Is opening an
account-her name, address, whether
married or single and her fathers and
mothers name. She got along all right
until the clerk asked:
"'Mother's maiden name. please
al don't quite understand. I'm
afraid she said hesitatingly.
81 mean your mothers name when
she was a girl explained the clerk.
"How should know? ! don't like
impertlnence, sir. How should know
didn't know her when she was a girl.
The idea, Are you trying to make fun
of me. sirT New York Times.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-04-03
EIizabethan Excise Laws.

In striking contrast to the present
laws to prevent habitual drunkenness
were those passed in the reign of Queen
Elizabeth. The Lansdowne manuscripts
in the British museum record that In
1894 orders were set down by the lords
and others Of her majesty's privy cOun-
sci for the reformation of the great dis
orders committed by the excessive
number of alehouses, which the jus
tees were ordered TO reduce. The pub
leans were compelled TO give TO the
constable Of the parish the name and
business of every one who frequented
their houses and were forbidden 10
have any games played therein. On
Sundays no persons dwelling within a
mile Of the public house were allowed
to enter except substantial household
ers travelling to church, and then only
for reasonable time to refresh them
selves. Curiously, the chief complaint
against publicans was the brewing
stronger ale and beer than is whole
some for mans body."-London Chron-
iclc.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-04-03
The Word ",Jofly.v

On the adoption of the word ''jolly'
into the English ii had the meaning OF
beautiful. as II has among the French
today. The English dramatist Beau
mont OF the sixteenth century speaks
OF our first mother as 'the jolly Eve
In time, however. 1t came TO mean hi'
larious, regardless Of physical beauty
But this latter meaning Is probably
the right one after all, as the word
doubtless comes from Yule (Yu-le). the
pagan Christmas, 50 to speak. for be IL
known that what we now observe as
Christmas day was a heathen holiday
called Yule, and the Yule fepival was
one Of noisy demonstration.
Yule indeed means noise or outcry,
praising in loud voice, chanting, sing
ing, making outcry in honor of their
god. From yule, then. to jolly the step
Is short and easy, both meaning revel-
ry. rejoicing. Ours is a risen Lord,
theirs the same. The words are ldenti
cal. So. too, in large degree the Christ
mas jollities, praises and those Of hea-
then Yule. Into such close relation do
simple words sometimes connect the
present with the past.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-04-03
This Nail Eater Died Crazy.

Kalamazoo, Mich, March 90
SIX pounds of nails, screws, lead
iron, cartridge shells and other for
eign substances were taken from the
stomach of Fred Cerrow, a Michigan
asylum patient, at postmorten ex-
animation.
For years Cerrow had walked
about swallowing metal, Jumps OF
coal, small stones and brick dust
with great avidlty. The stomach
contained the following articles: One
twentypenny spike, 4 incnes long; %
tenpeDny nails; 70 elghtpenny nails;
23 shingle nails, $50 bent nails OF
various assorted sizes, 20 pieces of
wire, ] iron washer, II inches in
diameter; 4 suspender clasps; IL as
sorted buttons; 1876 small stones; 12
pieces OF tin, s screws, upper halves
of 3 twcntypenny spikes, three 80
calber cartridges and 2S pins.
Many Of the larger nails were
partially destroyed by the acids Of
the stomach. One large 4lnch nail,
which pierced the stomach, is be
lieved to have caused an abscess on
his liver, which resulted in death.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-04-03
EIaf Life.

In such q dwelling as the average
flat" of the north and west the pri-
vacy of home is reduced to minimum.
The footsteps of the tenants. the roll
ing Of their perambulatOrs, the cries OF
their children, the varied odOrs OF their
breakfasts, lunches and dinners, are
omnipresent and not to be banished
even by mental science. If they are
musically inclined, the others must lis
ten perforce, and have no other redress
than 10 begin counter performances.
Some cheerful writer said, while a
man can sing he can work." but the
trouble often is that while he Is sing
ing other people are unable to work.
Such forced participation In the lives
Of others Is irritating and upsetting to
the nerves, and though we may be will
ing to weep with those who weep and
rejoice with those who rejoice we
would prefer TO have some choice In
the matter.-New Orleans Times-Dem-
ocrat.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-04-03
InaDpreciatcd.

The shrewdness Of one of the found
ers OF famous estate in Maine gave
rise 10 many amusing stories. one or
which has recently been retold.
One day the man, who was large
lumber operator, was experimenting
crew which was breaking up log jam
In the river. Suddenly the spruce on
which he was standing slipped. The
umberman dropped out Of sight in the
water, and the logs closed over him.
The nearest Frenchman saw the ac-
cident. Hopping briskly over the Slip
perry logs, he helped the boss to land.
Nothing was said about the accident
After an hour or so the Frenchman be-
gan 10 get anxious because the reward
which he considered due was not forth
coming. He approached the lumber
man and, pulling clumsily at his cap,
stammered:
II see you fall in, m'sieur, an | run
queek to pull you out fore you drown
ed"
"Prob'ly," snapped the lumberman--
"prob'ly If you'd been tending to buSi-
ness as you'd oughter you wouldn't
have seen me fall in"'
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-04-03
To Settle the Question.

He was engaged to be married, and
every one knows how the engaged man
talks when he gets friend cornered.
"She is the lOvellest and best girl that
ever lived" he asserted.
"Sure?' inquired the friend.
Sure OF course I'm sure. You don't
doubt it, do your"
Certainly not replied the friend
hastily, "only"-
"Only WHAT"
ooh, | suppose it's all right. but I'd
like to Introduce you to Dobley."
"Whos DObley"
"Oh, another friend OF mine who
told me yesterday that he was engaged
TO the loveliest and best girl that ever
lived. and I'd like to have you two get
together and settle the matter. Chi
cago Post
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-04-03

The first iron ship has more reputed
birthploces than Homer, according 10
Chambers Journal. Both the Clyde
and the Mersey claim pre-eminence 10
this respect SIR T.. J. Robson OF Edln-
burgh designed al iron vessel In 1916,
which was not launched till three years
later, and II Is said that an iron boat
was worked on the Severn even as far
back as 1887. Steel was not used In the
construction Of merchant ships hulls
until 1859. Old salts were not alone In
their belief that wood was meant Dy
Providence to float. but Iron to go 10
the bottom. A naval constructor OK
some repute once said: Don't talk 10
me Of iron ships. They are contrary 10
nature" Now none but small craft are
built Of wood I'm England.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-04-03

John Knapp Of the 81. Louis Repub
llcan had little use for press agents
and II took a mighty shrewd man &c
get n free puff from him. He never
would publish a lawyers or a doctors
name If ne could avoid IT, for fear they
might derive some benefit from the
free advertisement. II is said that one
morning mention was made In the Re
publican - they call IT the Republic
now-of man having died Of Brights
disease. Old man Knapp hunted VI
the proofreader and called him into the
private office.
"Why did you let that get into the
paperY asked the old man. indicating
with his forefnger the Objectionable
paragraph.
II don't see but that's all right" said
the reader.
You don't. ehl" snapped old man
Knapp. You don't. eh? Do you think
we want to advertise that man Bright
for nothing? He never had an ad. In
this paper in his life"
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-04-03
Ownership of Stage "Business.,

One of the peculiar things about n
copyrighted play Is that any little piece
Of business or any new lines which
may be inserted In the manuscript
while stock company is playing the
drama belong thereafter 10 the man
who owns the copyright.
Every time stock company rents n
play for production from the owner Of
the copyright 1t is cut, lnterlined and
added to before II is produced. a stage
manager, for instance, may interpolate
some speeches I'm order to work up 10
the introduction Of a song or speciality
or he may strengthen the climax by
putting in some new and strong lines.
Often these interpolated lines prove to
be the most striking in the play and
make decided hits. If they are left In
when the manuscript goes back TO its
owner. they become his property alb
solutely and may not be used by the
man who wrote them In any other pro-
duction; therefore shrewd managers.
before they return play to its owner,
always take great pains TO erase every
scrap of correction or interlineation.
In this way only may they keep what
really belongs to them.-Chicago Trib
unp
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-04-03
rmba-rassi1 AZ.

A. settlement worker, having been re-
quosted by anxious mothers to address
the younger women of the settlement
clubs on "heart interest" topics, decid-
ed To do so. She talked with the girls
earnestly, urging upon them the deep
and intrinsic sacrcdncss of all love and
marriage relations, the coarseness and
vulgarity OF indiscriminate fiirtations.
the great and growing need for high
ideals, standards and action on the wo-
mans part. Then, Just as she took her
seat. II occurred to her that she might
have talked little bit over the heads
OF her listeners. and she sprang to her
feet with an added remark:
please believe that what / say is
true, my dear friends" she exhorted
earnestly, land please don't think |
don't understand my subject. | know
what I'm talking about, girls-I really
do"
Once more she took her sect, delight
cd with the air of general interest, and
from the rear of the room came the
question:
please, Mrs. S., how many times
have you been in lOveT-New York
Commercial Advertiser.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-04-03
Basalt Columns In Mexico.

There are columns Of basalt in Mex
leo which may be regarded as one of
the natural wonders of the world. They
may be seen at Regla falls, and there
Alexander Won Humboldt saw and ad-
mired them when he took his famous
Journey round the world. AS regular
and symmetrical these columns are as
though they had been fashioned by
human hands, and yet they are entirely
natural and OF volcanic origin. They
are OF great height and no one can see
them for the first time without becom-
ing greatly impressed.
In Fingal's cave, Scotland, there are
columns of basalt somewhat similar to
these. and on st. Helena there are 9th
ers, though the latter. instead OF stand
ing erect. are piled together on the
ground and look like trunks Of trees.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-04-03

The first schools in some Maine towns
have been attended with romantic cir
cumstances. The first school in Gull
ford. for want Of better place III
which to fertilize the young idea, was
held 'in the loft over Captain Ben
nett's open shed" In Dexter the first
gathering of urchins for instruction
was in Lieutenant Stafford's barn
In Corinth the first school was held In
the open air under a large tree.
The first schoolroom In Exeter was
perhaps as unique as any. Crotched
poles were set In the ground back OK
Mr.. Barker's barn and on these other
poles were laid. while around the sides
loose boards were set up on end TO in
close the space where the school was
held. Scholars Of the present day
would look askance at such conven-
lences
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-04-03
Western Cities Lively.

The eastern visitor finds the cities OF
the northwestern coast brimful of life.
color. significance. picturesque interest
and. though the forces which have
combined in their making are some
what similar. each has distinct char
acter and individuality. Lively q
word OF the west, may well lie applied
TO them-a sort Of brisk activity, youth
fulness, ozone. They have the rather
unusual capacity of doing big things
and talking about them Justify at the
same time. 1t is the cry of the street
corners: Just watch us grow. See us
getting to the front."-Ray Stannard
Baker In Century.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-04-03
Great NATURES.

Great natures are always generous.
They are fountains no. only of vitality.
but Of bestOwaI However great III re-
wards they receive may be. these re-
wards are but fraction OF the worth
Of the service rendered, and no man
ought to be satisfied, whatever his po-
siuon or work. unless he can feel that
he is giving far more than he Is re-
ceiving. that very large part of what
he does Is not returned In money, that
however successful he may be on the
practical side he must still be counted
one OF the benefactors of his kind be-
cause OF the generosity Of his bestow-
al.-Outlook.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-04-03
ManX Cats.

The peculiar breed Of cats found IL
the Isle of Man differs from others only
In that they have no tails, and the lack
thereof Is the insOluble puzzle to nat
urallsts. Since IT has become the fash
ion 10 explain everything by the prin-
clples of evolution, two theories have
been offered-One that, owing to the
limited range and lack of dense forests.
the original cats had no use for tails
and consequently they (the tails, not
the cats gradually atrophied for lack
Of use and became rudlmentary; anOth-
er that the primitive ManX cut off ali
their cats tails and in the course OF
time developed a tailless breed. One
thing Is certain-the cats are there, and
they have no tails.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-04-03
Worked Problem While Asleep

An Amsterdam banker once request
cd a professor Of mathematics TO work
out n very intricate and puzZling PROB
lem for him. The professor, thinking
the matter good exercise for the intel
lectual faculties Of his pupils, men
toned IL to them and requested them
TO work out the enigma. One Of the
students. who had pondered deeply
over the intricate subject during the
day. retired TO bed. Some time after
ward he arose. dressed. and, seating
himself at his desk. worked out the
problem accurately. covering sheets OF
paper with his calculations. He had
10 recollection in the morning of hav-
ing done so.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-04-03
He Wnsn't Too Denf.

Deafness is largely a matter OF habit,
saws Il writer I'm the New York Press. !
know men who cannot hear you two
feet away, though YOU bawl at them,
yet at the distance Of block they viii
grasp your fnintcst whisper Some are
deaf for convenience. some for fraud,
some for hypocrisy. Beware OF the dear
man. One OF the noted deaf men was
old Matt Griffin. long ago an assembly
man from Grltiin's Corners, Delaware
county. Y. Y BY courtesy deaf mem
bers receive front seats in the assem-
bly,. while others usually draw lots.
When old Matt was excused from
drawing fellow member hotly pro-
tested. "But the old man Is as deaf as
a post" said the house leader Deaf
exclaimed the protestant. Matt Grit-
fin deaf. Why. bless your honest soul,
be could hear n ten cent shinplaster
rattle I'm bag OF feathers"
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-04-03
An Old Legacy.

A Wednesday, (England) resident In
the sixteenth century left $1,000 to pro-
vide annually on ST. Thomas day three
gowns and three coats to INDECENT per-
sons OF the parish. Following the GUS
tom of the times, the money was In
vested in land Qn this case In miner
als), and the original legacy has in
creased In value to $4,000. Instead OF
the three gowns and three coats the
charity commissioners who administer
the funds are able to present 200 gowns
and sixty coats.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-04-03
An Odd Fish.

One OF the oldest fishes that evei
swan In any sea is that known to nat
uralists under the unattractive name ol
ophiocephalus. 4 species of it is found
in the sea Of Galilee. where it builds
nest which for beauty Of design and ell
egance Of workmanship excels the Ell
forts of the majority Of feathered nest
builders. Its favorite spot for building
is in an old root or rock projecting un
der the water. and the material con
sists of seaweed. grass and leaves.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-04-03
peaeh PITS.

The statement has been made that
prussic acid was made from peacl
stones. This Is altogether n mistake
for. although under certain conditions
trace OF the main principle of the
deadly poison can be found in peach
stones. there is not sufficient to pro
duce the acid without other essential
ingredients. Indeed. without the proc
ess Of fermentation there is 10 evidence
at all of prussic acid in the stones.-Ex
change
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-04-03

"Sir." said the proud mother to th'
popular author. my son. who Is nov
fourteen years old. admires you great
ly. He also Is an author. He has
written a number of stories, and
would have so liked 10 have you rea'
and critlciSe them"
"Ahr' said the popular author
breathing hard
"But his father put all OF them int
the stove"
"I should like to make the acqualnt
ance of such n man." said the autho
with entl usiasm. He has the spir
OF Roman father" - indianapolis
News.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-04-03
Amafeur Might Do ~ Well.

"Tell the truth. now. You are q pro
fessional bcggar, are you notT' said
the keen faced individual who had
been approached.
Il used TO think | was replied the
weary wayfarcr, but since l3 cents is
all / have to show for days work
l am forced to the conclusion that | ain
merely an amateur STRAY Stories.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-04-03
.I,tsf the Place

Irate Landlord Ito couple who are
taking lovers walk on his property
Now. then. can't you read?
Amorous Youth-0h. yes, we cal
read.
Irate Landlord-Then 20 to the end
of this road and read the sign there.
AmorOus Youth-We have read it. II
says. Private" ard that is just why
we came down here.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-04-03

"You would get along a great deal
better If you didn't get so excited" said
the calm man to his irascible friend.
Cant you learn to keep your temperT'
Keep my temper! Well, like that"
retorted the other. "Pd have you un-
derstand that | keep more temper in
one day than you have in your posses
sion during a whole year,
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-04-03
Castor OIL.

A simple method Of taking castor OIL
according tn Medical News, without
producing any Eauseating effects Is to
instruct the patient to wash out the
mouth with water as hot as can be
borne, swallow little OF II, then swal-
low the oil and follow this by rinsing
out the mouth well with hot water.
The first swallow of the water cleanses
the mouth. makes the membranes hot,
SO that the oil does not stick, and con-
sequently slips down easily.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-04-03
The Poor Dog.

A Partisan clothes dealer kicked a
dog out of his shop. The dog shot out
with some rapidity and knocked over
q woman with jug Of milk. The
woman broke the jug and upset an
elderly gentleman, and the jug cut
both OF them. AT that moment cy-
clist arrived and was thrown OF his
machine by the PROSTATE figures, and
simultaneously cart came up and
smashed the bicycle. The magistrate
blandly advised the entire squad to
proceed against the dog, and they are
now looking for it.-London Globe.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-04-03
Remote Kin.

Kind Lady-How many are there II
the family beside yOurselff
Little Annie - -Four: mamma. papa
sister and a distant relative.
"That Is only three. The distant rel
atlve Is not a member Of the family
"Oh, yes. he is. He is my brother"
"Your brother? Then he isn't dis
tant relative"
"Yes. ma'am; he Is I'm the Philip
mines. s."-Kansas City Journal.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-04-03
From the Courts.

High above the buzz of factories, the
clang OF trolley gongs and the clatter
OF traffic rose q crash that terrified the
visitor To America.
Il hear that noise wherever | go,
said he. what is itr'
Don't be alarmed, wereplicd That's
only somebody's relatives breaking his
wilL--Newark News.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-04-03
Circus Horses Work Hard.

Travelling with a round top Calico
found 10 be no sinecure. The Grand
Occidental. being a wagon show, NOV
ed wholly by road. The shortest jump
was fifteen miles, but often they dld
thirty between midnight and morning,
and thirty miles over country high
ways make no short jaunt when you
have a five ton chariot behind you.
The jump. however. was only the be-
ginning of the days work. No sooner
had you finished breakfast than you
were hooked In for the street parade.
meaning from two to four miles more
-Sewell Ford in Horses Nine
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-04-03
A Jerrord Retort.

When Albeit Smith grew tire Of be-
Ing the butt of Douglas Jerrok s wit.
he one day plaintively remarked. aft
er all. Jerold, we row in the same
boat"
Yes" answered the clever play
wright, like fash Of lightning. but
not With the same skulls"
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-04-03

4 Jasper county farmer paid higi
tribute to the literary talents of Car
thage real estate agent the other day
He decided 10 sell his place and got 4
real estate agent to write notice
When the agent read the notice to him
he said. Read that again After th'
second reading he said: II believe III
not sell. I've been looking for place
of that kind all my life and didn't know
l had il until you described i, to me. -
st. Louis POst-Dispatch.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-04-03
IL WaAu,f All In Him.

Johnny" said his mother severely.
"some one has taken big piece Of GIN
gerbread out of the pantry"
Johnny blushed guiltily.
"Oh, johnny she exclaimed, Il
didn't think ii was In you"
1T amt ALL" replied Johnny; part
Of It's I'm Elsie"
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-04-03
Hard to Please.

Brown-You don't look very happy,
Dumley.
Dumley--I have just lost a fiver on
bet
Brown-That's bad.
Dumley-Yes. had an awful attack
OF rheumatism this morning, and that
young squirt Of doctor. Tipsalve. bet
me a fiver he could cure it before night,
and I'll be hanged IL he didn't win the
money!
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-04-03

Mrs. Smith-Wc missed you so much
at oIr party.
Mrs. Jones-And | was so vexed when
company Unexpectedly. and she needed
us to till out the card tables.-Detroii
Journal.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-04-03
Revised.

81 don't understand how Miss Mil
yuns can see anything In that foreign
nobleman. He's nothing but 'gilded
fool"
That's so. and yet the chances are
ten to one this will be case OF a fool
and her money soon married. "-Phif
adelphia Press.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-04-03

"what time Is it?'' asked his wife
susplciously as he came In.
About L."
Just then the clock struck 3.
Gracious, When did the clock com
mencc to stu..ef" Le said. with q fee
Die attempt at justification and Joke.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-04-03

Simpson - Do you know anything
about art?
Jackson-I know enough about art
not to try 10 talk about it.-Detroit
Free Press.