Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1903-10-31
HE MADE NO SPEECH

"Among the very many things that l
make q miserable fist Of" SAID We'll
known playwright who was in washington
recently, 1.-The making of speech stanoS
first and foremost. / can't make Speech
1 am the most dreary, dismal nasco as
speechmaker that you ever clappeo an eye
upon. It's not in me. l don't kno" now
1 am too modest-don't laugh. ana 'oo
self-conscious - self-consciousness doesn't
necessarily imply the possession OF an aco'e
vanity. but the possession of too acute
sense of proportion. 1 know how 1olotic
other writers of plays look and sound when
they try to make stage speeches on hrs'
nights, and when 1 try myself to make
sneech under pressure on such an occa-
sion l have in my minds eye a sllhoutte
limned picture Of how imbeclle 1, TOO, mus
needs look in similar distressing circuA
stances.
nerience what an utter hash l am as d
spe echmaker. I've made more than oozen
first-night speeches. And no audience .n ht
ever had to listen to me make h rst-n.em ~,
sneech could have been blamed for settihs
me down on their mental tablets as d
wholesale and hopeless ass. IN no. -
dulging in this self-depreciatlon ior .ne me. 10
pose Of getting somebody to contraoic,,, tne,
about and know that am right. maoe
first-night speech right here In Wastiilis 'o ,n
one night few years ago .piS,hat
bltheringly inane, so Grassy Sup" .Inw
It's wonder the auolehce ui"
things at me. ooob-
"KnowIne my limitations as speech
maker, have always striven tran.lcans ~ "
get out of the necessity OF MAKING speer ~
es at the premiers of my plays; put nearly
always I've been dragged, helpless anu
struggling, onto the stage by some pm
head of an actor or stage hano, anu rns
literally forced to make a mean,iie 80
marmoset of myself in the sight ana near
ing of hundreds of expectant' ihoiieiisi'0
people. ,,,, +,.+ was an i'm
mense success produced last year. anu aOo,;sh
though the theater resounded with 1oolsn
yells for the author, l didn't make any
speech. Instead. I just gloated. with an
of that acclaim in my ears over the Iact
that there was no possibuty OF my Io,he
that was the most beautiful experience VI
my life. I shall never forget the almost
aching JOY of it.
1.-THE play was produced in Chicago.
attended to the details of the production
myself-spent several weeks at the WORK.
The production was sumptuous one. Nc
Chicago papers had published many stories.
press agent-made and otherwise, apoul
the authors superintendent of the pro-
duction, and some of them even went the
length of publishing yarns about my al
legged f1nicalnesS in making proouctlohS VI
my own plays.
ION the night before the production
flashed 'phony' telegram on the manager
of the house.
I'm suddenly and imperatively called
to New York told him, and so l gr1eve
to say that 1 shall not be able to see the
play brought out tomorrow night
HE said. of course, that he was sorry
for that-that the play was bound to make
a hit, that they'd be yelling themselves
hoarse for the author, as they always do at
new productions in Chicago. above all
cities, and that he'd have hard time try
ing to convince 'em that the author had
really been compelled to leave town.
Sorry said 1. but I'll have to CO. and
that's all there was about IT,
1.-THE last dress rehearsal had been held.
and there was no reason for my staying
around the theater. 1 put in the day Of
the production in my hotel room. My mus
tache was splitting pretty badly at the
ends. and so 1 had it shaved off that day
The men on the door of the theater didn
know me very well. anyway-and my face
was cerainly not familiar one in Chi
cago.
''And so, on the night Of the production,
l walked in with the rest of the huge
crowd, and took my midde-aisle seat, about
ten rows back. There 1 sat and enjoyed
the thing as much as any writer Of plays
can enjoy thing of his own making that
he feels in his heart is being butchered by
actors who haven't caught the spirit Of It,
But, man. the comfort of the ANONYMITY!
They began to screech author at the wind
up of the intense second act. They stamped
and they howled. They stood up and de-
manded the author at the top of their
lungs They threatened the manager, who
appeared and tried to say that the author
was gone away. The author they would
and must have-produce him. Author, They
didn't want him to make a speech If he
didn't feel equal to it, but he must show
mself-author-author! Fetch him out!
Let's have look at him. anyhow! Away
with such affected modesty! Author! He
needn't be ashamed of his old play-au-
thor! Nobody was going to throw anything
at him-yee-ow. author! Wow-ee! author!
And so on. like wrought-up madmen the
longer the author was denied them, for
nearly half an hour. And there sat on the
middle aisle. under the full glare of the
lights, twiddling my thumbs, and inwardly
sloating over the way I'd beat EN- out.
Il never did. and 1 never shall, enjoy
anything much as did that"