The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1903-09-17


to prevent it from bursting with in
dignation.
>orehead, old boy, if ever you have to
undergo the ordeal of reincarnation.
and have any voice in the matter at all,
ifyon don't choose to be an ape, or an OK,
or an ass, or skunk, rather than Man,
you are gumdosted bigger fool than
1 take you for. For of all things crea,
ed, Man is the most contradictions in
his nature, the most vacillating in his
aims and desires, the most unstable in
everything. Thisis the state of Man:
Today he lives in poverty, and vainly
searches his pocketbook, and pistol
pocket, and other out of the way places
for sundry pieces OF metal, called coins.
Finding them not, he sets himself
down on his rickety chair and phiIoso-
phizes on things as they are, and as
they ought to be. And because there
is nothing to be got from him some of
his brother men curse him; others revile
him; still others make him the butt of
their rude jests; and some of his sister
women turn up their noses at him;
others pray for him-which is worst of
all. Tomorrow sour, sullen, surly
old fool yields up the ghost, and leaves
shiploads of yellow dirt to the man liv-
ing in poverty, and-presto change! all
the world smiles upon him. The news
papers praise him; his former detract-
ors, male and female, readjust their
opinions concerning him; and even the
town marshal aud the omniscient pri-
vate slueth, who, suspicious by nature,
had always wagged their heads in a
knowing way when the name of the
man living in poverty was mentioned,
or his possible fate discussed, now meet
him with a broad smile, and promise
their protection!
Ye Gods! what world is this! Sore
head, old boy, if, it wasn't that you
mean to live to see the fun to a finish
you'd go and hang yourself, or worse
than that, you'd go and get drunk!
And how about you, old fellow? Are
you better man now than when you
were poor? The most minute micro
scopic inspection of your moral nature
reveals no signs of supersensitiveness
or increased activity. Are you wiser
Not in your own estimation, at least.
Are you happier? The searchlight of
truth, directed by concentrated self-in-
vestigation, has failed to discover larger
patches of happiness than you could
formerly boast of. There has been a
change, but to you the change is
inconsequential. Formerly you were
Stunned because you were poor; now
you are courted because you are rich.
Formerly you were full Of cranky no.
tions; now you are man of striking
individuality. Formerly you were kept
busy lodging creditors-a very small
number, for not many cared to trust
you; now whole armies of promoters,
boomers, sharpers, quacks, inventors,
surethingers, grafters, and common
beggars and deadbeats waylay you, be-
siege you, lombard you; to wrest from
you your we'll earned coin, and green
backs, and government bonds, and
gilt-edged securities. Formerly you
thought you were the only beggar in
existence; now you find you were only
one Insignificant mite in nifty cheese.
That sanity woman, Miss Missionary
NOT the young and pretty one, nor the
sweet motherly one, nor the tender sister
ly one, but the one with the long face,
long nose, long teeth, long tongue, long
throat, and uncertain age-who once
gave you tongue lashing, and said
you were worse than heather, now
confronts you smilingly, and serenely,
and with gall Incompatible demands
100000 for her new, strictly original,
and absolutely infallible scheme for
perverting the heathens! And all the
others with their wild schemes, and
lies, and false pretenses, will they not
bring down your prematurely grey
hairs to the graye9 You bet they will,
if you give them ghost of chance.
Oh Sorehead, beware! Oh Cynicus
take heed! If you don't, they'll pull
your leg for all you are worth, and the
latter end of your existence will be ev-
en- more wretched than the former.
Not that you care dim for the money
not you! but neither do you care q
dunn for such as are over anxious to