davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1903-07-30
PlCKINGS FROM FICTION.

Hope is the heroic form of despair
The School For Saints"
The most agonizing fear Of true
Cover is that his lady shall think him
IA weakling.-"On Satan's Mount"
Sentimental people are sure to live
asSng and die fat. Feeling-that's the
slayer 1.-THE Ordeal of Richard Fe-
Eerai."
When prudence and reticence are off
Guard the man himself, past, present
aand future comes into view.-"Kent
xsOrt Manor"
You never could bet on that woman.
Af there was one or two things she'd be
likely to do she wouldn't do either of
Ahem.-''Tioba"
Things always run in streaks-don't
Es1after whether it's politics, love, farm
In or war. They don't travel alone
Before the Dawn"
Sunum cuique-to the man belongeth
courage in great things, but in affairs
seEf small moment woman is pre-emi-
sZ9ent.-'The Wheel of Love-
Success undoubtedly often covers
mistakes, but human nature is on the
whole generous, or at least good tenn
;TSered. Retrospect and Prospect"
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1903-07-30
The Charm of the Mississippi.

To novice eyes trip down the Missis-
sippi is full of wonder. Not the beau
ties of the Hudson does one find, nor
the castled turrets of the Rhine, nor
the gay pageants of the STORED
Thames, nor the gentle loneliness of
that small stream that graces the
mountain region Of North Carolina-O
thrice fair Swananoa!-but a beauty
all it's own has this wonderful Missis-
sippi, which on its serpentine way
from pearly Lake 1tasca to the blue
waters of the Mexican gulf traverses
2,616 miles of territory. Its legends
and traditions, it's great flush times be-
fore the war, it's spectacular history,
may all be learned from some quaint
old river man who will gladly give full
measure of his lore. There is a charm
in the ,ast stretches of forest, in the
loneliness of the great stream-Father
of Waters-in it's mightiness and SUI
preme length, its sunsets and its sun
rises.-Sports Afield
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1903-07-30

At one time the officers under Lord
Howe refused to drink his health at
their mess, for, though splendid adj
miral, he was not popular in the navy
on account Of certain shyness and
want Of tact with those about him.
The chaplain, who was a protege of his
lordship, was mortified at this and de-
termined that the officers should drink
to Lord Howe. When called upon for
a toast one day he said, "Well, gentle
men, can think of nothing better at
this moment than to ask you to drink
the first two words of the Third Psalm,
for Scriptural toast for once may be
taken from one of my cloth" The
toast was drunk. Not one of the Off
GERS indicated by word or look that he
was ignorant of the words alluded to.
On referring to the Bible it was found
that the Third Psalm begins, Lord,
how are they increased
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1903-07-30
WHAT "WHiRLERS" ARE.
And the Incfdezst From Which 1t IL
Said They Got Their Name.

And the Incfdezt From Which 1t L.
Said They Got Their Name.
'There was dealer In haberdash-
cry" said college professor. 'to whom
a teamster once came and said, I want
to get pair of whirlers, SIR
'WhirlersY said the haberdasher.
What on earth are whirlers?
"'Why, stockings with the feet cut
out the teamster answered.
"'Ohv said the haberdasher. Well,
i haven't any whirlers, but I've got
some very excellent stockings. Sup
pose show you some
"'All right the teamster said.
$50 the haberdasher exhibited the
best stockings he had in his shop, and
the other selected fine pair, saying:
"T suppose you don't mind making
whirlers out of them for me?
"'Not at ALL retorted the other, and
with a pair of shears he cut the feet
off the stockings.
"'Now,' said the teamster. how
much are they?'
"'Fifty cents. the same as before, OF
course.
"'Fifty cents? Why, / never paid
more than 10 cents anywhere said the
teamster, and he smiled meaningly and
made as if to depart.
"'Hold onv the haberdasher cried.
Don't leave me in a lurch like this.
The price of these stockings is 90
cents
They're whirlers, not stockings.
now,' the other said.
"'Well, tak2 them, then. You've
done me. Take your whirlers,' said
the haberdasher.
"And since that time" the professor
concluded, "whirlers has been tie
name for stockings without feet. =
New York Tribune.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1903-07-30
Cold Hooded Gambler.

The French court was at one time
hotbed of gambling. Louis XIV. would
play for heavy stakes night after night.
and many courtiers were ruined at his
table. His successor, who lacked his
predecessor geniality and good na-
ture, was an even greater devotee OF
the card table. The story is told that
when this king was playing one even
ing a gentleman present was seized
with apoplexy. IN. de Chauvelin Is
i'll" one of the courtiers ventured to
tell Louis. 'Illv' said the king. quite
unmoved. "He is dead. Take him
away. Spades are trumps, gentlemen"
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1903-07-30
When water was Avoided.

Until comparatively recent times
there was a medical prejudice against
drinking water. Sir William Vaughan
in his Natural and Artificial Direc-
tons For Health" declared that water
"o1ght seldom to be drunk" Another
doctor admitted that it might be
healthful for children, but not for men
-"except some odd, abstemious one
among a thousand perchance, degen-
crate and of a doggish nature, for dogs
Of nature do abhor wine" Indeed, the
recommendation Of water as a bever-
age was supposed to be the sign Of the
quack Even Wesley in his Primitive
Physic" wrote of it with caution:
Drink only water if it agrees with
your stomach; If not, good, clear small
beer"
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1903-07-30
Ganjah Smoking.

In Jamaica ganjah, variety Of
Indian hemp, is smoked by all classes,
with terrible results. 1t is stated that
it was this weed that was used by the
leaders of the Indian mutiny to drive
the sepoys into the passions Of raging
mania which they exhibited during
that campaign. Ganjah smoking af-
fects the beginner in peculiar way.
While under it's influence his senses
of time, sound and distance arel oblit-
Grated. a single minute may seem a
month, a child's voice sounds like the
rattle of a machine gun and little
finger may seem mile long. Con
tinued use," says the Spatula, causes
cata4eptic fits and eventually idiocy
or raving homicidal madness"
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1903-07-30
ANCIENT COFFEE.
The Way the Beverage Was Brevved
In the Seventeenth Century.

The Way the Beverage Was Brewed
In the Seventeenth Century.
There are in existence in Great
Britain a few copies of an ancient
cookbook, published in 1862, that gives
what is perhaps the first English recipe
for coffee. The recipe reads:
"To make the drink that is now much
used, called coffee
"The coffee berries are to be bought
at any Druggist, about seven shillings
the pound. Take what quantity you
please, and over a charcoal fire, in an
old frying pan, keep them always stir
ring until they be quite black, and
when you crack one with your teeth
that it is black within as it is without,
yet if you exceed, then do you waste
the Oyl and if less, then will it not de-
liver its Oyl; and if you should con-
tinue fire till it be- white, it will then
make no coffee, but only give you it's
salt. Beat and force through a lawn
sieve.
"Take clear water, and boil one-third
of it away, and it is fit for use. Take
one quart of this prepared water, put
in it one ounce of your prepared coffee,
and boil it gently one hour, and it is fit
for your use; drink one-quarter of a
pint as hot as you can sip it. 1t doth
abate the fury and sharpness of the
AcrimOny, which is the gender of the
Diseases called Cronical."
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1903-07-30
CAUGHT IN A LOG JAM.
eEhEiIfing Fishing Experience In
Northern Michigan.

Northern Michigan.
Upon one occasion in northern Mich
1ssan l was trout fishing in company
with q veteran timber cruiser, man
SEho knew everything about the rough
g5ush life, says a writer in Worlds
VSVoTk. In time we reached a bend in
}3he stream where a lot of small logs
&aad damned during the spring freshet
-A3y comrade unconcernedly ventured
w8p6n the logs, and before l could fol-
Cow by some mischance he stepped
EaDen a loose one and instantly disap-
weared. Had | not been looking at him
tzf is likely l should have imagined he
llaad crossed and gone into the brush
UIpon the farther side One log Of all
GAlle mass was rolling, and hand show,
Sg.d at one side of it. TO dart across and
seize the hand occupied very few Sec
aBnds, but to my horror / could not pull
}Aim up through the narrow space
@lrough which he had slipped To set
"a foot upon the log either side the open
ting and shove with all strength was the
only hope. For seconds l chung to the
wrist and strained nightly. Slowly
She logs separated and up he came till
Tine was able to twist upon his stomach
across a log. Half drowned as he was,
she had. not lost his nerve. "Do-don't
Get 'em squeeze back on me!' he gasp
~sd, and a moment later he was on his
Sect. Most men would have weakened
aben, but he was iron. He had swal-
Bowed a lot Of water, had been cheek
&oy jowl with an awful death, yet he
1aad no idea of proving false The logs
were slowly slipping farther apart and
IL was standing like certain large gen.
rGieman of Rhodes and unable to stand
znuch more spreading or to spring to
~<.lther side, while. of course, to slip
t8nt0 the water meant to enter the trap
4sae had just escaped. In few seconds
t4ae seized my hand and one quick haul
carried me to firm footing. The logs
-s7f once closed like a gigantic trap
When we reached solid ground my COM
trade almost collapsed, and for half an
aAaour he was very sick man. Later
&ae said: 81 held my breath as long as l
Fa.Ouh, calculatin' you might try to get
usae, an, pardner, I'll never forget that
little turn. reckon was in a mighty
vaight place"
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1903-07-30
CowardIy Brave Men.

1t is related of a Missouri engineer
that he does not hesitate to drive his
machine at full speed through the
blacklist storm at night with wash
outs all around him, but that he is
afraid to go home alone in the dark. If
some one is not at the roundhouse to
go with him he sits there till daylight.
1t is the old story of every man having
his own peculiar fears. There is a doc
tor we know who will cut a man to
pieces and smile the while. He is an
old soldier and often faced the can
mons mouth. But he will betray the
most abject terror if one of the harm
less little elm tree worms happens to
drop on his person.-Kansas City Jour
nal
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1903-07-30
The Cause Of the Delay.

Mrs. Passe was in hurry. She was
going to a concert, and the friends who
were to accompany her were waiting
downstairs. She was dressing and
making things most uncomfortable for
her maid, unaware of the fact that
everything she said was audible down
stairs.
Annette" she cried, show slow you
Sare! Have you the flowers for my
Aair?'
~%Ah, yes, madame, BUT
"'Well, we'll, wellr' sharply. "Where
are fheyY'
They are here, madame; but, par
<a0n, I've mislaid the hair!"-New York
Press.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1903-07-30
A Queer Dog.

Dagonet in the Referee tells story
of two little girls who were trying to
explain what sort of dog it was they
had seen. Said one little girl, ''It was
one of those funny ones; you know, the
ones that are a dog and half long and
half a dog high" Said the other: "You
must know the sort. It's a dog that
only has four legs, but looks as II 1t
ought to have six" 1t may interest
Dagonet to hear of a fairly apt defni-
ton that a Public Opinion man once
heard applied to the dachshund-"the
dog with the Louis XIV. legs"
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1903-07-30
rr.+iuct. That Lead to Death.

Professor Mivart proved that there
are instincts" that lead to death by
failing to adapt themselves to change
of circumstances. Migratory quail by
thousands perish in the deserts Of
northern Africa, where their ancestors
used to find a comfortable winter re-
sort, Astounding with forests and even
with grain fields. If we shall credit
Pliny's account of the Numidian coast
lands. The forests are gone. but
myriads Of quail still follow in the
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1903-07-30
SECRETS OF THE BODY.
The Progress Science Has Made In
Two Hundred Years

Two Hundred Years.
A century ago the work of the mod
ern surgeon would have been denounc-
ed by the theologians, who then ruled
mankind, as audacious intrusions into
the exclusive jurisdiction of God. Two
centuries ago, or, at the furthest,
three, the man Of science who would
take out the viscera Of a man. cut out
eheir disease and put them back would
have been fortunate to escape the
stake or the block But the audacious
invader of the secrets Of the body, the
benefcent healer who, with his vial
or his knife, lessons the miseries of
humanity, diminishes or destroys pain.
prOlongs life and smooths it's pathway
to the grave-this is now the man who
appeals most strongly to his fellow
beings. For him and his training the
captains of industry are pouring out
their millions, building him colleges
and labora tories, endowing professor
ships, while the world at large halls
him as man of power and influence
at time when wealth is accommodating
and when men are not decaying. More
and more, very likely, we shall see the
strong men of the college classes
choosing medicine, although the time
has not yet come for domination over
the lawyer, who is now engaged in
settling the direction and the form in
which the captains of industry shall
carry on their development Of the
worlds wealth. The time seems to be
coming, however, when the indefinite
prolongation of human life and the de-
struction Of the enemies Of human
health, work which almost suggests
the creative power, will be the task
that will call for and will receive the
service Of the best training Of our col
leges and universities-that is, when
the appeal of medicine and surgery
will be addressed inevitably to the
best in every college class, just as once
the call came from the ministry and
then from the bench and bar and SEN
ate house.-Harper's Weekly.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1903-07-30
The Appetite of Kitty.

The number of wild animals sold as
pets to private families in this country
is said to be beyond belief, but the
families generally return the beasts
before long to the dealer. & writer on
this wild beast traffic in Leslie's
Monthly says that one animal dealer
who recently sold lion cub to lady
received only two months afterward a
letter from her saying: please come
and take Kitty away. She has eaten
our Newfoundland dog"
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1903-07-30
An Alaskan Smoke.

How would you enjoy pipeful Of
Tgwood shavings saturated with a strong
Sss@lution Of pepper as an after dinner
Ns1zs6ke? Strange as this may seem for
"A Substitute for tobacco, it is, says the
zsanaily Doctor, nevertheless used as
azs0ch by Indians along the Alaskan
s4e9ast. Their mouths are often made
qa-aw by the practice. and the eyesight
aE many is affected by the strong
}G1unoeS.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1903-07-30
A PART OF THE PLAY.
Kissing That Brought Some Russian
Actors to "a Prison Cell.


Actors to "a Prison Cell.
The course Of true art does not al
ways run smooth in Russia, as, for ex-
ample, in the theater of Yelizavetgrad
In the fourth act of certain play there
is a theater within a theater, as in
Shakespeare's Hamlet" only that
some of the dramatis persona have to
mix with the public in the galleries
and to hiss the chief actress, who duly
faints. AS soon as the gentlemen had
taken their places among @a gods and
begun to hiss and whistle the police
man on duty came down upon them
like wolf on the fold, and before they
could utter a word OF, explanation he
and his colleagues ''nabbed' two, re-
moved them by force and took them to
the next police station, where they
were charged with disorderly conduct
at public place. They protested that
they had only done their duty, but the
police laughed their explanations to
scorn The public left the theater en-
masse to see what was happening to the
actors, but the latter had already been
consigned to the cells. The crowd in
the street before the station house grew
rapidly in numbers, and it's noisy
protests threatened to eliminate in Sc
rious disorders. Fortunately, the man.
ager of the theater appeared before the
superintendent and by the light of
lamp detained, with manuscript in
hand, the whole fourth act, in order to
show that kissing was an essential part
of the performance. Only then did the
representatives of the law release the
innocent actors.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1903-07-30
Relief at Last.

Man With Petition-I'd like to have
your name on this, Ruggles. 1t is a
mere Formally, you know, but
Business Man-Id like to oblige you,
Rackstraw, but fellow came around
last week with a pledge binding the
signer not to put his name on petition
Of any kind for year-and signed it.
Chicago Tribune.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1903-07-30
Small Horses.

The biologists tell us that the oro-
bippus, the ancestor of the noble horse
of today, was but little larger than the
common rabbit of today and that each
had sixteen toes, four on each foot, the
same as the cattle of today. After the
lapse of ages this sixteen hoofed equus
shed toe or hoof from each foot and
thus became a twelve toed animal.
The sixteen hoofed variety are first
found in the eocene period of geologic
al epochs.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1903-07-30
Lipton as a .ssmoker."

I'm his early day. Sir Thomas Upton
~aenied himself almost every pleasure
except that of amassing a fortune.
Calling one day on consul on business
matters he was offered cigar by the
official.
4<fhen Mr. Upton. although I am the
biggest smoker in England I never
:Esunoke cigars"
WHAT do you smoker" was the sur
Ysrfsed query
Bacon" was the prompt reply.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1903-07-30
Met Serious.

"'How is your brother the poet?''
"He has just undergone an operation.
You would hardly recognize him; he is
so altered
"Indeed?'
eyes; he has had an epidermatoid
growth removed from his head"
"Poor fellow! Was it anything very
serious?
mot at all. He has only had his hair
cut"
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1903-07-30
Justice Js Blind.

1T amt no fgger of Speech" COM
TZnented the philosopher, "that justice
Us blind. Nothin' happens to the man
that makes the toy pistol, the Teller
usIzat sells it or the guy that buys it
aEsEr his little boy, but the kid, who don't
xzxw no better, gifts the punishment
THAT'S comm to all the others. Chi
Gage Tribune.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1903-07-30
He Didn't know the Sex.

Mother-Do you think that young
man has matrimonial intentions. my
dear?
Daughter certainly do, mamma.
He tried to convince me last night that
/ looked prettier in that two dollar hat
than in the one that cost twenty
Judpe
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1903-07-30
A Good Suggestion

when I write story" said the
struggling young author, II make out
list Of ten magazines that I think
might like it, and / usually get mighty
close to the end Of the list before sell
it."
SIN that case," returned the wise
business man, II should think it would
pay you to begin at the other end Of
your ist."-Chicago Post.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1903-07-30
His PIunWe.

Jasper-Gayboy seems to be prosper
Ing nowadays.
Jumpuppe-I don't see why you think
SO. His wife and family are not wear
ing any better clothes.
Jasper-Very true. But he is smoking
better cigars.-Life.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1903-07-30
WORK AND REST.
When They Alternate Perfectly. "a
Man VIII Enjoy both.


After work comes rest. When they
alternate perfectly a man may prepare
to enjoy real happiness. When they
alternate perfectly a man will enjoy
both the work and the rest that fol-
lows it.
Nature is just old lady. She seldom
gives q man more than he needs. If he
elects to live lazy life she let's his
muscles get fabby and his brain go
sleepy She never permits him to long
possess a faculty or a nerve or a mus
Gle or sinew that he do*s not use.
The proper way to keep your muscles
or your brains is to use 'em up and let
nature provide you with a fresh sup
ply. Nature is assisted in this work by
rest. One may rest SOM 90 es by seek
ing a change of labor. - ~ thus be-
comes a recreation creation.
To live happily in this world it is MOI
enough to know how to work. A man
MUST also know how to rest. The man
who knows only how to work will soon
wear out. If he doesn't wear out i'm
mediately his work will suffer in some
way. No man can do his best work un-
less he alternates it with a little. play
or little rest.
A man who can't drop his work from
his mind as readily as he can drop his
tools from his hands had better take a
few weeks off to study the rest ques-
ton. His nerves are not what they
should be.
If man wishes to keep his nerve, let
him avoid nerves.-Pittsburg Dispatch
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1903-07-30
with Good Reason.

She-Now that we are going TO De
married we must begin to save. Prom
Use me you will do nothing you cannot
afford
He-But in that case would have to
break off the enga gement.-L
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1903-07-30
Doctor.s Recipe For Lemonade.

Here is scientific recipe for lemon
ade advocated by the medical profess
sion: Wash the lemons thoroughly;
slice thin and peel all. Cover with
sugar, allowing the sugar to become
saturated with the lemon juice by gen.
thy pressing the slices of lemon with a
spoon. Then add water, slowly stirring
all the while. Ice, if used, should be
used sparingly. One-third Of a lemon
to glass is about right for home use.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1903-07-30
Ready For the Emer~encx

eff you find it impossible to keep
~spen your line of retreat" said the in
structor in the military school, "what
sougfrt you to do?"
open up the line of advance" was
Che prompt -eply.-Exchange
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1903-07-30
Not Paid by Results.

els the profession of weather proph-
ecy satisfactory one?"
"Well," answered the expert, Gin
general way it is. You see, as a rule,
the income is not so unreliable as the
predictions. ",Exchange
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1903-07-30
To Win Notice.

Mrs. Greene-One does not like to be
ignored. / wore brand new gown at
the reception last night, and don't be-
lieve soul noticed me.
Mrs. Gray-There's where you made
a mistake. Now, wore my old black
silk that has been turned twice, and
everybody saw me fast enough.-Bos
ton Transcript.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1903-07-30
LiteraIIy MONEY to Burn.

ST Slocum-Josh Medders is back
from New York, an. b'gosh, he's got
money tew burn.
Hi Korntop-Gosh! Dew tell?
81 Slocum-Yaas; he bought $1,000
worth O. the stuff for $150.-Philadel-
phia Press.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1903-07-30
To Prevent a ReIan.e

Wife-So, doctor, you think my hus-
band is entirely out of danger now?
Doctor-Yes; but I wouldn't let him
see my bill for some time yet-Balh-
more American.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1903-07-30

One sure way to tell whether man
is crank or not Is to draw him into a
discussion. If he doesn't agree with
you, Of course he's crank.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1903-07-30

Jack-Tom, I'm in terrible fix. I'm
engaged to three girls.
Tom-Well that's not exactly a
crime.
Jack-No. That's the worst of it. If
1t were, ] could go to prison and have
some peace.-Stray Stories.