Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1903-09-26
I STOOD BEHIND HER.

bury myself like mortally wounded ami
NAL For they have wounded me mortally
with their big, terrible lie.
Mother. even you!
Solitude dear, loving motherly solitude,
1 renounce the king s~son and name myself
your child.
Just year ago I arrived here first. Is
it possible? Does not a whole lifetime lie
between those spring days and these? Then
| learned to feel that was young, and now
l feel that my youth has gone.
Then | sWOre among these rocks to be
and remain good man; now there seems
to me to be nothing more ptiful, because
weak. than human goodness. Good men
should be dubbed to death as once they
killed the weakling infants in Sparta.
Although | have become evil and malig-
nant, | still was touched yesterday when
arrived. The lord marshal of course, had
announced am. my arrival with the careful no
tfce that his royal highness was travelling
in strict incognito and that all receptions
of whatever kind. were forbidden.
But they received me for all that. There
were no honorable officials, no triumphal
arches no servile addresses and no white
robed maids of honor Instead there were
fishermen. woodchoppers and mountain
folk, all in their Sunday best. They
and cheered How they cheered
They cheered and We're glad At least.
they acted as If they were glad And I,
that saw through the deceit allowed my
l would have liked to weep for low because
hshermen. wood cutters and peasants made
believesto love me
1t is weakness that l must tear out of
my soul. Away with the beautiful flowers
1 need the thorns that tear wounds. the
thorns from which Life winds the wreath
for the victor
My boat was garlanded with fresh green
plrch leaves so that 1t looked like the craft
for a bride When the same trees fla mod
J. |
their scarlet the room in which a dead ruler
lay, who had called me his dear son With
such fathers blessing on me l steered to
the place of his death that was to be nv
home
When we arrived my Sea-Alp Law flooded
in crimson sunset glows-neadow. rocks
ana peaks. And even from the distance I
sa" TWO shapes that leaped toward the
shore with mighty strides and danced like
madmen. They threw their hats in the air
and set forth yells that sounded more like
hoWls than cheers. They were nv two
Alpine guides, Tony and Stigei, who thus
expressed their joy-a joy in which 1 will
believe. "
In the middle of the night 7 arose ora
went 10 the shore. long, long time 7
walked up and down, searching for q Nv. =,
out or the labyrinth of my thoughts and
nnd1ng none. AT last 1 sank to nv knees
and prayed
l prayed not for happiness but for ba.v
emily protection against the dark forces ~
my soul, the forces for which 1 can find M
name. ~ "
1t must have gone far with a man wben
ne cannot pray any more: Dear. dear
Father in Heaven, make me bapnv for co.,
l am Thy child" f'' 49, "ee
But there are many orphans on this earth
VINO nave not this Father or any other
Is the count truly my friend? If IT Is
true that princes can have no friends wb,,
should expect to be an exception? Nav !
accept as proof of his friendship the fact
that he bears with my distraction? Is n a
proof that he has followed me into these
mountains that must be a prison for a
! brilliant man like him? Might he not have
peen sent with me as keeper with promises
| or rich reward If he guards me well? He
VIII gain fine career through me- There
| fore he has followed me hither.
l watch and spy on him. Every word or
MS l weigh. l tremble at the thought OF
making discovery. and still search and
pry always. And If discover him then /
Will believe in nothing henceforth nothing
that bears human countenance
Today spoke to him:
| father" ''
DO you insistT'
Yes. My father was ailing even while
he was crown prince, was he not?'
$50 / have heard"
In his immediate surrounding every one
knew 1t then. And they knew that his mai
ady would develop rapidly. Or have I been
wrongly informed?'
Il believe not"
| And my father became king despite it?''
True"
THE malady. then. was kept secret7"
| For reasons Of state. The king had wed
ded while he still was crown prince
| "As1nortal SIM
] Two princes were born.''