The Washington times., 1903-08-02


| We'll, you know how dependent a
woman is on her p. s."
1 There was whitening silence for o
moment, then the Fair Philosopher re-
marked sarcastically.
81 should think you might at least
find something to say that is a little
more original An author should not be
30 utterly dependent upon WORKOUT
funny column jokes aoou, women when
he wants to tease"
When the Author mad emerged from
beneath this pile OF compound adjec-
tives, weighted with scorn, he ventured
timidly:
But about the permanent spinster:
ooh, I'm quite serious about that"
replied the Fair Philosopher. She as
sumed her favorite attitude. You see.
it's this way" she continued. Some
day. when I'm old, shall have to live
with my married brother. Now, an old
maid to be tolerated must be able to
make herself generally useful. and"
she concluded. IN a rus:n5s7like tone.
las l have no spinster tricks l must
begin to learn some.
For instance
"oh, cooking. darning, nursing. and,
above all, the art of being agreeable"
she broke of. with a little ripple OF
laughter. Il can imagine my brother
saying to his wife, 'Oh-er-Mary, my
sister will have to come and live with
us, suppose. Can you manage to tuck
her in somewhere And my sister-in-
law--'Wen, can give her that room
under the slanting roof that the serv-
ants find too warm" After a moment
she added:
THAT is. unless some one dies and
leaves me some money"
How would that alter things?"
"Oh, in that case should not have TO
forego the luxury of my temper, at least:
It's only poor spinsters that have to be
pleasant for living
Presently the Author ventured a sug-
gest.on:
But suppose, by any chance, you
stumbled into matrimony one of these
days and have all your trouble for moth
ing"
d
replied land her tone implied that it was
a very venerable age indeed. without
having met the man she wants to marry
she usually remains single. I've looked
Up statistics on the subject" she added
frankly.
$50 you've not met a man whose wife
you'd be-" said the Author. musing.
mo &" he t,,+
she made the following rather startling
announcement:
Though 1 have met more than one
man whose widow I'd ike TO be-"
Although the Author is accustomed TO
the unconventional from the Fair Phi
losopher's lips, this rather took his
breath away AS soon as he had recoy-
cred sufficiently. however, he suggested:
why not put an advertisement in the
paper to that effect. then. "A young wo-
man to whom black is particularly be-
coming would like to meet a gentleman
in poor health; object, widowhood'"
DO you think that joke is very good
faster" she asked severely.
Well. you began IT," retorted the Au-
thor.
But I am not a Lucretia Borgia,'
protested the Fair Philosopher.
II don't believe that Iady's peculiar
vice was putting personals In the pa
pers." said the Author. rejecting.
II simply meant" she went on. ignor- !
Ing this remark. that one occasionally |
meets very wealthy man whose widow |
one could contemplate being with equan-
unity. provided one could omit the ex-
perienee of first having been his wife"
But to return to the subject of Per-
manent Spinsters," said the Author, az
ter few contemplative pU1s at his CT
gar; there are no old maids now, You
know. The species is extinct"
I'm going TO revive it," said the Fair
Philosopher. 81 shall be one Of the old
kind that sit in the chimney
corner and darn the family's stockings"
And when Is this withdrawal from
The world to take placer" asked the
Author rHave you fixed on any par
ocular date for retiring and taking the
so to speak?'
There was a nlischievous twinkle in
he Fair Philosophers eye
When my last chance for giving the
nitten has gone" she said.
And Row shall you know when thai
line has Gomez asked the Author. with
considerable curiosity
The Fair Philosopher bIushed
DO you remember what Nine. Re-