davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1903-10-05

agement Of things in general and mu-
nicipal, state and national affairs in
particular. .. >. ..a....,... Isl,
You see, it was in this way: Hiram
had made a special study Of every
thing and knew exactly what he was
talking about. Why, he actually
,, wrote articles for the newspapers on
| the most intricate problems of the
day. Of course he always signed
these articles Constant Reader; but
be that as it may, they struck the nail
square on the head, because Hiram
knew exactly how to get at the bot
tom of things. So. =.
| Furthermore, he could save people
a heap of money and trouble If they
| would only be sensible enough to take
| his advice. Why, didn't he tell Mr.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1903-10-05

"odds and ends Of erudition, but
a woman's mind I know not, nor
want to know. I had as soon ques-
ton Beelzebub as her; yea, to. stir
up the. devil with stick. If spar
ing my life is contingent on my
knowing why she does this, or that,
then let me pay the debt Of nature"
mo; tits slight punishment to take
from aetnan that which he values SO
little he must reason with himself
| to learn if he value it at all, re-
turned the dukes jester, slowly.
"We'll waive the question, if you find
me the horse"
"'Tis Nanette you must ask.
There's but one, old, yet service
liable @-3 r.. T.. ~
''Then take me to Nanette.''
Every we'll. Follow me, sir; and if
you're still of a mind when you see
I her, you can question her"
i ''Why, is she SO wierd and witch
hike to look upon?" said the ~fool.-S-l
May; the devil hides his claws be-
daintiest fingers all pink and
:1lssWhdte conceals his cloven hoof In
tIasslapper, truly slyph-like."
rs Sc. Ypu arouse my curiosity. would
fain meet this fair monster
n Come, then, Master Fool" replied
d for the field to the right and the
A Jester, after moments elaboration
e turned likewise into the stubbles while
|: the hound, as If satisfied with the
. service it had performed, slowly re.
traced it's way toward the castle
: stopping, however, now and then: Il
( look around after the two men
whose fingers grew smaller and small
. er in the distance. For some space
they walked in silence; then tn,
scholar paused, and, pointing to a low
rambling house that once had been ;
hunters lodge and now had fallel
into decay, exclaimed:
I There's where she lives. II
: warrant she's not alone
At the same time a clamor of voice
and a chorus of rough melody, comm
from the cottage, confirmed the assur
[ ance his spouse was not, indeed. hold
2 ing solitary vigil.
lis cen thus every night mur
Y INJURED the scamp student in a me-
:, ancholy tone. She gathers rom
her the scum of all rudeness: ragge
& alchemists of pleasure, who sing il
cessantly, like grasshoppers on a sun
a mer day.
J. Where is the horse ~ said ii
!; j jester, abruptly. 81,
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1903-10-05

STALLED in one Of the rooms for
safe keeping. : There are so many
rascals and thieves around, you see:
"They cen rob one another!' re-
turned the fool.
Advancing more cautiously, the two
men approached the ancient forester>s
dwelling, the hue and cry sounding
louder as they drew near, a mingled:
discord Of laughter, shouting and cat
erwauling; with a womans piercing
voice at times dominating the general
vociferation. The philosopher shook
his head despondingly, while, creep
ing to one of the windows, the jester
| looked in.
| Near the fire was nisshapen crea-
ture, a sort of monstrous imbecile that
chartered and moaned; a being that
bore some resemblance to- the ancient
morios once sold at the olden Forum
Morionum to the ladies who desired
these hideous animals for their
amusement. At his feet gamboled a
l,distorting it's face in hideous grim
aces. Scattered about the room, sing
ing, bawling or brawling, We're in
1digent morris dancers; barefooted
MINISTRIES; a pinched and needy versi-
fcator; reduced mountebank;
Iswarthy clown, with a hare's mouth
REGULATORS Of the streets, poor as rats
Hess fellows, with heads full of non
sense and purses empty, poor in
pocket, but rich In plaisanterie.
Upon the table with cards in hel
!. lap, which she studied idly, sat 9
Manufactured, deep-bosoned woman
sEneither old nor euncomely, with thick
q black hair. coarse as a horses name
cheeks red as a berry, glowing witt
health. In her pose was certain
savage grace, an untrammeled free
dom which revealed the vigorous out
lines Of "a well-proportioned figure
Her eye was bright as a diamond and
bold as a9trooper' when she lifted
!, her head she looked disdainfully
, scornfully, fercely, upon the strang,
and monstrolls company of which sh
was Queen
Where can the thief-friar be?
muttereds the student. He is usual,
not far from sweet Nanette. -
IS you mean the monk who had
! hand in your, nuptials 2"
Who else He, the source of al
: i'll. He who gave her the money o
which she cen presented me a moi
6 ETY.. Whoever employed him--was
your friends, gentle sir ?-rewarde,
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1903-10-05

To get. rid OF a bore, ask him to
repeat. his longest and faYorite story
twice.. Even he cannot stand that.
A fool is generally a person who
detects your faults while you are in
the act of calling attention to his own.
:. The grievance: Of, not a few women
against their husbands is that the, lat
ter give them mo ground for griev-
ances. ~
The success of an amateur gardener
often depends upon the number and
the appetites of his neighbours chick
ems. 80. i.-@' ss.s*t. --
i Only a smart man can conceal from
a. woman the fact that he isn't as
smart as he would wish her to think
he u.s. - : =. : : ,,~': .@--::'H.a
If we could draw checks as easily
as we draw unkind differences, auto
mobiles would be as common as SPAR
rows.
One Of the curious things, about "a
| man who wants to borrow money from
you to-day is his eager determination
T to repay it tom orrow. = ,.57 /
There are three stages in the exis-
tence of the average man when he Is
of particular interest to his communi-
ty, viz, at his birth, marriage and
nnera a,fH.s
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1903-10-05

thought. ia :: ...:- IT. =. - s. - =
/ 'IIar' calculated the scamp-stu-
dent, Frightening g Your gift would
match the piece T. already; have and
which--dolt that Was!-I overlooked
to include in my chain of reasoning.
And thrusting his hand into his ragged
doublet, after some search he. .ex-
tracted a di1ninutive disk upon which
he gazed not without ardor. Thus
are we forced to start the chain OF
reasoning anew he remarked, with
Horace and this bit of metal on one
side of the scales and Nanette on the
other. Now unless the devil sits on
the beam with Nanette-Which he's
like to do-the@ book and the bit Of
dross will outweigh her and we ar
rive at the certitude that life, qualified
as to duration may be happily en-
dllred. - . n 4 ~ g..
& What. argument does the dross
carry, 4 knaNe?ss demanded the fool
looking down atthe hound that
crouched at his feet. stss1SisES@S5&
With itEsmay be pure hased thai
1T may besbought an 50 astr rome
and magicalS it may br eeds de fianes
even Of Nanette. .Stsr Fool, have
concluded to- accept life and$1the SINAI
silver piece ~. u: - b
well and good, 2 commented The
i jester. But there are conditions at
tached to my cIernency. E, 5 5s% a.
'Conditions! retorted the vaga
bond. What are conditions to phil
osopher, once he has reached logi
i cal assurance % IS
q First, you must find me "a horse
!. Your Nanette,t as 4 take IT. Is asgips!
and in the camp, are, surely, horses.
!. "Butswhy should you want horse
8 IT'S. not far to, the castlez?'sfsaid thu
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1903-10-05

lation to the panic-stricken mothers.
With all this new work on his
hands, Hiram had to hustle like a
hired man. For a solid week ne hung
on and made the rounds without a
single miss; then nature baked, and
on the evening of the eighth day the
old fellow. gained his house with fall
tering foot and trembling frame, sank
into a chair, and to his wife, who
knelt beside him, he family whispered,
"Good-by,5 mama, I'm gone" And
poor. Hiram was no more. -~}.
Moral: Don't butt in. -..-..
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1903-10-05

:'You shouldn't" returned the sVaga-
bond student. 1.-THE ancients teach
but the irrevocable law of retribution."
To hear a would-be assassin, a cast
away out of pocket and heels and
elbows, calmly proclaiming the Greek
doctrine Of inevitableness, under such
circumstances, would have surprised
an observer even more experienced
and worldly than the dukes fool. In
voluntarily his face. softened; this,
pauvre diable gazed upon eternity with
the calm eyes of q Socrates.
you do not then beg me for life?".
said the PLEASANT, his former inpa-
thence merging into mild curiosity.
els it worth begging for 2" asked the
straitened book-worm. Life means a
pinched stomach, cold body. Death.
no hunger to fear, and a bed that, tho
cold, chills us not. What we Know v
not doth not exist-for us; ergo,$.to
| lie in the earth is to rest in the lapisof
luxury, for all our consciousness Oft.
But to be unconscious of the Ills Sof
this perishable frame, Horace s1ike-
wise must be as dead to us ass&our
aches and pains. Thus is life made
preferable to death. Yes; would live.
II Hold, tho he again hesitated In
i deep thought-"what avails Horace
i If" he began.
why, what new data have entered
in the premises" observed the Won
) dering jester.
"Nanette!' was the gloomy answer
"Who, pray, is Nanette?' asked the
fool, thrusting his assailant's weapon
in his jerkin.
"a wanton haggard whose tongue
8 will run post sixteen stages together
Z Who would make the devil himself
) malleable; then, work, hammer sane
! wire-draw him!
And what is she to you ~
p 81 = - -
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1903-10-05

Caraway that If he ordered one t%of
them plush-bound comb and@brusll:
sets for the Christmas trade he would
have an elephant on his hands? And
didn't hard-headed old Caraway go
do it anyhow, and hasn't he got it
yet? Didn't he tell Judge Tendays
that he couldn't catch white bass with
red worms? And didn't the old
numbskull try it anyhow and not get
a bite?, Didn't he tell Lon Simmons
that sulphur and lard would cure his
hound pup of the blind mango? And
didn't cantankerous Lon order. some
of that hifalutin stuff from Battle
Creek and the dog lay right down and
die? Didn't he tell the planters that
if they sold their cotton to them
pesky brokers they would boost. the
price when there warn't no more
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1903-10-05

him with gold. Being craven rogue
I cen suspect him of shifting the task
to myself for a beggarly, p1ttance.
whilst he is off with the lions share.
The jester, watching the company
within, made no reply. From the stu
dent. to the woman, to the friar, was
a chain leading-where? He found
it not difficult to surmise. Suddenly
Nanette threw down the cards and
laughed harshly.
Neither the devil nor his imps
could read the things that are hap
pening in the castle!"
Then abruptly springing from the
table, she made her way to the fire,
over which hung a pot Of some sa-
worry stew,sa magnet to the companys
sharp desire; for :thruout all the bois-
ferrous nnerriment wandering glances
had Invariably returned to It,. To
reach the kettle and make herself
mistress of the culinary preparations.
she cuffed a. dwarf with such vigof
| that he hobb1ed bowling from a sus-
picious proximity to the appetiz1n8
mess to safe refuge beneath the Ia
BILE. With equally dauntless spirit.
she pushed aside the herculean morio
who had been childishly standing over
the pot, licking his fingers in eager
anticipation;g whereupon the imbeci!e
set up a sharp cry that blended with
the deeper roar OF. the 2lilliputian.
! .sAnd I caught the rabbit" pite-
ously beloved the latter from his
retreat.
| And -I4found the turnips!" cried
the colossal idiot tears running down
! his lubberly cheeks.
Peace, you demons!" exclaimed
the woman, waving the spoon at
them, .'or= by the hell-born, you'll
ne'er taste morsel Of it"
i Quoted by this stupendous threat.
they closed their mouths and opened
/ their eyes but the wider, while the
i gypsy spouse Of the. student stirred
and stirred the mixture in the iron
pot, gazing at the fire with frowning
8 brow as tho she would read some
i page Of the future in the leapins
i flames.
q $50 Saw you but now how she served
q the dwarf and the overgroWn lump -
whispered the student to the dukes
4 fool. Are you still minded to meet
her %
. For answer the Jester. left the win.
dow, stepped to the door. and, open.
. ing it, strobe into the room.
To be continues
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1903-10-05
: October What to Eat.

OCCOUcI g19e3e %
!; A full purse makes full stomach.
The tea caddyss lis OF no use. aon
the. golf links -.--. ?,
: It is impolite toiupset the gravy in
the hostess lap. g. ~ ~. .>,s
= Bread is the staff of life; a
staff is a pole;If therefore buttered
bread is a. creased pole. -.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1903-10-05
HELPED OUT.

s.-. ~. Chicago Tribune.
The literary EDITORS assistant dipped her pen
In the ink again, but still hesttated. d" '' - :
t'What is the name of that famous woman
novelist that has written SO many books!H' she
asked. =,r . ..
'.Do yon mean George sand?" said the literary
editor. = = -ss.- -. ,-(- - ],
writing away busily.- IT was trying to- think
Of Bertha NJ Clay - .ss..-~... =.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1903-10-05
Re I.oTABLE EPIGRAMSi

=: The beauty Of waiting on a family
table Is that you have time Z. to 9: get
hungry yourself. -: ,s-5s .::-.1:9 :. 49,
II the cook gets loaded, discharge
her. ..'~-
= Cold coffee is% exhibit I in many a
divorce suit. ~, ,].%>>>. -
YOU don't have to go to the door
every time a napkin rings.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1903-10-05
he went down for the full enumera-

It was thusiy: A washout made it
necessary for the railroad to rebuild
the bridge across Fox Hollow, which
stands nigh on to a mile and a half
from :Sageville. Hiram at once as
sumed that it was, up to him to visit
work went on spick and span. Right
on top Of this measles struck the town
and it devolved.: upon him to make
the rounds daily and hand out conso-
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1903-10-05
- - AZ tss' ,-e = T. =. =
( NO PARTICULAR NOTICE,

= He-Did YOU notice. that woman: who
just passed: - :'s>'- g. >:-%:2
She-What, the: one with the dyed hair
and false teeth and nasty ready made
clothes on. all tieda%up with ribbons: and
things? No, T didn't: notice her lparticu-
rIv = .s;'It<: o..
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1903-10-05
A SLY DIG.
- -
ph}ladelDhia Press

: ." Philadelphia Press.
"since / had: typhoid fever. said Miss
Kreech, II haven't been: able to sing at
all. 7. seem to have lost my voice en-
Ftirely.'
80 '"ryphoid Is a. queer disease" replied
Miss sPepprey. ~ '.I'ye often heard that, if
you recover from 1T it improves you in
every way. - :.,-- .. ,
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1903-10-05

Colonel Myron T. Herrick, republican candi-
date for governor of Ohio: has given library
to his native town Of Wellington, Ohio In mem
1Herrick, - :. - ~ - 80" = = >.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1903-10-05

MARY's PLEASANT, SURPRISE.
81: Mary had; a little lamb, -. .....
:. And it surprised her greatly.
,She*had been getting mutton when
She asked for lamb here lately.
: Catholic Standard.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1903-10-05

- Wine is good, 1854
Love is good, ,.
And all is good if understood;
The sin, is not in doing,
But in OVERRIDING;
How much of mine has gone that way?
Alas! how much more that may?
- Drink, for you know not - z-
+: Whence you came, nor why -
Drink, for you know not why
You go, nor whence.
e.>s.,.., W., Omar Khayyam.
fill this cup to one made up
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1903-10-05
ONE VIEW OF. IT.

t. .. g.. ...:....s Philadelphia Ledger.
'sEnglishmen are forever saying that the sun
never sets ON the British empire What do you
think of that?' ..-r
II think they say that because it's SO foxgy
in London they really can't tell whether the sun
sets or not =, ....s..+. .. %.
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1903-10-05

-, From October What to Eat. 49,
He who has a thousand friends has not
one friend to spare,
And he who has an enemy shall meet him
11xzyha
The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1903-10-05
THE NEW LONG NAP PANNE

[ fill this cup to one made up
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1903-09-24

look at critters with humps and
stripes and long necksl"
"But they was connected with a
circus" protested Deacon Tyler.
eyes, l believe they was, but
couldn't help.it. After I got through
there l went over to look at the
rhinoceros. BY guml but he was a
hefty critter. He weighed as much
as two cows and calf. / admit
that l felt little bit sinful when
looking at him. l made up my
mind that If critter like that ever
tackled me in the road at night I'd
bust my suspenders trying to knock
his horn off. Is it too much to ask
that my sin be overlooked"
eve will hear further" said the
minister, who wasn't looking so
solemn as he might.
"Wall, they had an ostrich, two
alligators, four hyenas and sacred
bull from India. / took 'em all in
and nothing happened. l didn't
even feel like offering to bet that
could hoe two acres of corn in
day, old as / am. II was hurt by
seein them critters and things I'm
willing to give in, but Pm saying
that don't feel like calling anyone
liar"
"And you didn't feel that you had
sinnedf" queried Moses Schermer-
horn, as he shook his head in
solemn way.
"Not feel. even wanted the
HOSES to go faster and the fellers to
fip-hop the harder. When Teller
come climbing around with pink
lemonade and charged me 10 cents
for a small glass / did wish / had
him in Io-acre lot for about two
minits, but the feeling passed off as
soon as had drunk the lemonade.
guess you'd have all felt the same,
wouldn't your"
The deacon was turned out of the
room and the investigating COM
mittee went into executive session,
and an hour later it had
Resolved, That while Deacon
Sooner had attended the circus and
was liable to feel sinful, he saw the
animals first and didn't feel sinful,
and is therefore exonerated from all
blame and is advised not to do SO
again"
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1903-09-24

There was one week of sweltering
weather in August according to the
meteorological summary furnished by
the weather bureau. Beginning on
August a2d and continuing until the
2Sth, the temperature ranged from
90 to 6s. The average temperature
for the month was u degrees. The
highest temperature in the month
was os degrees on the 2sth, and
the lowest was So degrees on the
sIst. There was a range of 80
degrees on The 7d. The rainfall for
the month was 3.82 inches, and the
average rainfall for the month for
70 years was 3.47 inches. The
highest velocity of wind was 80 miles
an hour on the 24th.
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1903-09-24
SHERIFF SAVED THE DAY.

Opie Reed, the novelist, was tell
ing of his experince as a Journals,
in Kentucky some years ago.
"There was good deal of news, y
he said, "such as shooting and knit
ings, but this news was not regarded
as important and and little attention
was paid to it. / remember once
when local feud broke out afresh
when members of the opposing sides
met at the county seat.
"There were hot words, a blow
was struck and weapons were drawn.
when the sheriff interfered. He
loudly announced that he would not
tolerate any violence, ordered the
parties to seperate and when his
orders were not obeyed he began
shooting.
forget whether he killed eight or
nine, but / know that in describing
the incident in my paper com
mended the sheriff for his prompt
action and bravery and added the
paragraph. There is no doubt but
for the prompt action of the sheriff
there would have been bloodshed. "
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1903-09-24
ILLINOIS AT THE WORLDS FAIR.
State Commission Is EnergeticaIIy
Pushing Work OF Collecting
Exhibits.

The Legislature of the State OF
Illinois has appropriated $aso, ooo
for her display at the Worlds Fair,
st. Louis, next year, and is going
straight ahead with the work ii
erecting building and the collect
ing and classifying of the many diff
ferent exhibits to be made.
The Illinois Building will be one
of architectural beauty. Standing
on an elevation, Il will command a
sweeping view of the grounds and
buildings. The cost of the build
ing $50, 900, and $as, 900 will be
expended in furnishings and decora-
tons, making magnificent club
house for the people of Illinois
when visiting the Fair.
Great activity is being shown by
the State Commission in collecting
the exhibits for the different depart
ments. Exhibits for Agriculture
and Horticulture departments are
being gathered now and stored
away. The years fruits are being
placed in cold storage to be kept
there until the opening of the Fair.
There must be sufficient quantity OF
this years crops stored to keep the
space in the buildings entirely COW
cred from the time the Fair opens
until the 1904 crops are available.
One of the interesting exhibits
arranged for the Agriculture De-
partment is the display of boy
grown corn. All over the State the
farmer boys are preparing to pro-
duce the finest corn that ever peep
ed from earth This exhibit is the
result of contest for the best boy.
grown corn in the State, for which
there will be given many prizes.
Another exhibit which promises
to attract wide attention by its ex-
eellence and thoroughness, is the
display Of the Illinois Historical
Society. This exhibit will set forth
the history of the entire Northwest
in painting, sculpture, historical
collections and decorations in the
Illinois Building.
In all departments the work Is
progressing rapidly, and when the
Fair opens, Illinois will be there
with an exhibit Of the highest ex.
cellence.
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1903-09-24
WHAT EDITORS OBsERvD.

Observant editors have always
noticed that
The chap who tries hardest to
work newspaper for special favors
is the one who never spends a cent
with it and is not a subscriber.
That the man who kicks most
about the inaccuracy of newspapers
is the one who does least to assist
in getting the facts accurately when
he has an opportunity to do so.
That the man who kicks hardest
about a certain paper hasn't seen
copy of it for six weeks.
That the man who has it in for a
paper has had the bitter truth told
abou. him by some unusually frank
reporter and has big sore spot.
That the man who spends most
money with the paper kicks the
least.
That If you expect man to find
compliment about himself you
must put it on the front page in
bold face type.
But if you put in a one-line roast
in nonpareil between two patent
medicine ads, on the steenth page,
he'll find it and come hunting the
man that writ tn piece.
That man protected mercifully
IN rascality never appreciates it,
because the protection only en-
courages him in being the sort of
reptile he is.
That the paper which tries to
please everybody at once, soon
pleases its competitors by dying.
That the man who spends least
money for advertising expects more
returns than the man who spends
the most.
That those who patronize the
papers Systematically and persistent
ly are the most level headed and
reliable citizens in the community.
That shysters are sworn enemies
of newspapers, thereby testifying
eloquently to the responsibility of
the craft.