The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1903-06-21
Troubles of a Hotel Man.


side curls. A nice old lady is nice, but the
average old lady is a troublesome boarder
and we have enough troubles without
| courling any.
| There are drawbacks to running q hotel
| next door to a railroad station. Half the
people who come for meals are trying TO
catch trains. A man has twelve minutes
TO spare, and he comes in and orders an
extra thick porterhouse.
In two minutes he begins to squilm In
three minutes he calls the head waiter and
says he ordered steak and has been watt
ing three-quarters of an hour. In eight
minutes he goes off swearing and black
guards the hotel ever after.
We've fixed the thing now. l bought a
time stamp. The clerk stamps each order
with the exact time it is given. When a
man at the end of three minutes swears
he's been waiting three-q quarters of an
and tell him he's liar.
Perhaps We don't exactly do that. but
you Zee the idea. This hotel business is
very trying.
Crockery and hotels are allied indllstr ies
We're it not for the breakage of crockery
the hotel man might. by the exercise of
prudence and economy, make enough
money to keep him out Of the poorhouse,
and perhaps be able to leave enough be-
hind him to provide for neat though I'M
ostentatious funeral.
You recall Tennysons poem beginning,
Break break break" Alfred must have
been stopping in hotel when he penned
that line, 30 fraught with joyousness to
the crockery man, 80 fraught with sadness
to the hotel man.
l have always suspected that the em-
ployees of hotels are in league with the
crockery dealers. Talk about a bull in
china shop! 1t is nothing to an able-bodied
adult female Irish lady in hotel pantry.
You have all noticed THE Pottery on
the Hotel Table" When you first glance
at your plate you are in doubt whether
it is really plate or circular saw, owing
to the hicks on the edge. You also notice
in the bottom of the plate something which
looks like a Herald war map. This is owing
to the fact that it is of French china made
in Trenton, n. j., and warranted not to
check or star.
At Carlsbad / was shown some elastic
china which wouldn't break II dropped
on the floor. but understand the man
who tried to introduce it into this country
was pushed over Niagara Falls to join the
scoundrel who gave away the secrets of
Masonry.
And az for hotel walters. The waiter
who lacks the gymnastic ability to pre-
cpitate himself head first down a flight of
stairs with trayful Of china in either hand,
is looked upon by his associates in crime
as mere tyro.
The hallboy, too! Much Of hallboy's
life is spent in the futile attempt to force
a cube of ice eight inches in diameter into
a crockery pitcher four inches in diameter.
What is the consequence? The crockery
man goes as Ambassador to Turkey or is
permitted TO spurn the office OF Mayor OF
the city of New York, while the hotel man
hastily packs his belongings in collar
box and moves over to the poor farm.
l have always regretted that l did not
stick to the crockery business myself.
have noticed the insidous way in which
the crockery game is gradually absorbing
all other business enterprises. Let a dry
goods dealer, in a moment Of temporary
alteration OF mind permit a crockery
man to rent small space in his store and
his name is Dennis That constitutes
what might be termed the entering wedge.
You remember the fable of the Arab and
the camel? The Arab, in moment OF weak
ness, permitted the camel to put his head
under the tent, and the camel kept a
pushin' and a-shovin'" until he got his
whole body in and the hospitable Arab was
obliged to move out before the expiration
of his lease; which proves that the camel
had sand and push SIMEON FORD