Oxford eagle. (Oxford, Lafayette Co., Miss.) 1876-current, 1903-09-10
"THEy SAY

A doctor prescribed rest and
change for a small girl, saying
that her system was quite upset.
After he had gone, the little girl
said: ~ knew | was upset,
mamma, because my foot's
asleep; and things must be pretty
bad when you go to sleep at the
wrong end"
An exchange gets off the fol-
lowing: .sIf men are the salt of
the earth women are undoubtedly
the sugar. Salt is necessary
sugar a luxury. Vicious men are
saltpeter' stern men are rock salt
nice men are table salt. Old
maids are brown sugar, good
natured matrons are loaf sugar,
and pretty girls the fine pulver-
lied sugar. Pass the pulverized
sugar, please"
An editor of an exchange being
asked if he ever saw a bald head
ed woman, replied in the follow
ing vein: mo, we never did,
n IT did we ever see a woman
waltzing around town in her shirt
sleeves with a cigar in her teeth
and running into every saloon
she saw. We have never seen a
woman go fishing with a bottle in.
her pocket, sit on the damp
ground all day and come home
drunk at night. Nor have We
ever seen a woman yank off her
coat and say she could lick any
man in town. God bless her,
she's not built that way"
There is an old negro living in
Carrollton, relates the Bosworth,
(Mo.) Sentinel, who was taken ill
several days ago and called in a
physician of his race to prescribe
for him. But the old man did not
seem to be getting any better and
finally a white physician was call
ed. Soon after arrivingDr s.
felt the darkey's pulse for a mo-
ment and then examined his
tongue. ibid your doctor take
your temperature?" he asked.
II don't know, sah," he answer
ed feebly: 81 hain't missed any
thing but my watch as yit, boss"
"rm beginning to have hopes"
said the man who was born tired,
and had never got rested, that
tive are nearing the laborless
age. We have the wireless tele-
igraphy, without trouble or bother
about posts and wires; we have
horseless carriages and carts,
with no horses to feed, OF hitch
up; we have writing machines,
singing and talking machines,
and self playing organs and
pianos and pretty soon there
won't be a thing in the world to
worry about, provided we have
just got enough money to get in
the SWIM"
This sermon was preached by
the Rev. u. Dick at the Grub Hill
Meeting house: Brethren, |
take for my text these words: II
90 to prepare a place for YOU
Brethren and Sisters: | come
this morning to bid you good bye
for l am going to leave you.
Brethren, / don't think God
loves any of you, for none of you
ever die; you don't love one an
other for none of you ever marry;
you don't love me for you don't
pay my salary; your contribu-
tons r. mouldy fruit and wormy
apples, and "By their fruits you
shall know Them" Brethren, 1
go to q better place. | have been
called to the chaplaincy of a peni-
tertiary. Where | go you cannot
follow, but | go to prepare place
for you.
81 believe" said an intelligent
gentleman of our town, ''that the
~so-called temperance drinks, so
much patronized by the boys and
girls of today ire almost as harm
full as the saloon. This may sound
slanderous at first, butjust con-
slider the money spent on them,
and the menace to health in too
free an indulgence in iced liquids
at all times of the day and night.
The stomach is injured the diges
ton impaired and a ruinoushabit
of indulgence formed. In moder-
alton these beverages are refresh
ing and helpful, but there is dam
ger from these seemingly harm
less Injuries which should receive
the consideration of wiser heads
than thoughtless, immature boys
and girls"
I've been wondering, said
the up-to-date woman" why
some reformer doesn't begin a
crusade upon those foes to energy
and friends to laziness, the sofa
and the lounge. Find a house
well stocked with easy couches
and tempting resting places,and
you will find the children of that
house on the road to invalidism,
for there is nothing so encourag-
to the habit of not feeling well
90 on oacxy 1o.rn- -larEl