davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1903-01-16
Some British Lawmakinr.

1t may surprise some folks to learn
that plenty of British laws have been
drawn up so carelessly and written in
such muddled language that they are
quite useless for their intended pur-
pose.
One of the acts passed in George
ILLS reign, for instance, states that
the proceeds of penalties were to be
given half to the informer and half to
the poor of the parish. The absurdity
lies in the fact that the only Aenalty
which could be inflicted was one Of
transportation for fourteen years.
In 1865 a well known @. G. created
a lot Of amusement by proposing an
amendment worded as follows: every
dog found trespassing on Enclosed land
unaccompanied by the registered own
er of such dog or other person, who
shall on being asked for his true name
and address may be then and there
destroyed by such occupier or by his
ORDERS" This gem of meaninglessness
was, however, not passed.-London Tit
Bits.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1903-01-16
8 CUUgWE.S
q story OF the Irish Liberator ana Al
Falling Floor.

- AAWSEBlOHNA IL
Falling Floor.
Daniel O'Connell was once address
Ing an enormous meeting in Kings
town, and the crowd was SO large that
fear was felt for the safety Of the
building. AS he was about to speak a
gentleman assembled the platform and
said, trembling with fear: .""Liberator,
the floor is giving way! The beams are
cracking, and we shall all fall through
in a few minutes" 1t is not given to
many men to live through such mo-
ments as O'Connell lived through as he
rose to address the meeting nor to pre-,
serve such magnificent courage in the
face Of great peril. Warning the man
to keep quiet, the liberator said, II find
this room too small to contain the num-
Der who desire to come in, so we must
therefore leave it and hold the meeting
outside" A few rose to leave, but the
hall was still packed. and then O'Con-
nell said: "Then l will tell you the
truth. You are Irishmen and therefore
brave men. The floor is giving way,
and we must leave this room at once.
If there is a panic and a rush to the
door, we shall all be precipitated int,
the room below, but if you obey my
orders we shall be safe. Let the dozen
men nearest the door go quietly out,
then the next dozen, and SO on until all
have gone. 1 shall be the last to leave"
The Irishmen followed the advice, the
hall ~as quickly cleared, and as O'Con-
nell walked across the floor the broken
beams gave way.-Oxford Chronicle.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1903-01-16
The Deteriorating Turkish Lady.

Eating sweetmeats, smoking ciga-
rettes, scolding the slaves and talking
scandal are the chief diversions Of the
Turkish lady, with now and then a Wis
it to a low class theater, and her ply
sique, and with it that Of the race, Is
rapidly deteriorating for want of fresh
air and exercise. The much disputed
question as to whether woman is the
possessor of an immortal soul has left
its mark on the female population.
They have ceased to base any great
hopes on such an uncertainty and live,
feed and behave so like the "beasts that
perish" that to the flippant modern
Turk it seems that, if endowed with
souls a: all, they must be so small as
to be scarcely worth the trouble Of
saving.-Chambers' Magazine.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1903-01-16
The Bubble Reputation.

The Governor-Colonel, don't you
know Judge Blank? Shake hands with
him.
The Colonel-Ah, you are Judge
Blank of Blankville?
The Judge-Yes; Blankville Is my
home.
The Colonel-Of course 1 know you
by reputation then.
The aforementioned, don't you
know it always. makes me feel mighty
uncomfortable when a man says that
about me-that he knows me by repu.
tation?
The Colonel-How is that, governor,
Why should it make you feel uncom.
Portable?
The OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES by lingo, l
always wonder which reputation he
means.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1903-01-16
A Simple sxstem.

Teacher-In what year was the bat.
tie of Waterloo fought?
Pupil don't know.
Teacher-It's simple enough If you
only would learn how to cultivate arti-
fc1aI memory. Remember the twelve
apostles. Add half that number TO
them. That's eighteen. Multiply that
by 100. That's 1900. Take the twelve
apostles again. Add a quarter of their
number to them. That's fifteen. Add
what you've got. That's 1875. That's
the date. Quite simple, you see, to re
member dates if you will only adopt
my system.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1903-01-16

British soldiers deposited EDO, ego last
year in military savings banks.
Five hundred and thirty-two tons OF
cigarettes We're exported last year from
Egypt.
Great q Iantities Of cheap American
cigarettes are being smoked by natives
in India.
Lectures on advertising are being
given twice a week in the Commercial
college at Prague.
Coke, Il byproduct in the manufac,
ture of gas, has increased 200 per cent
In price in five years.
Over $4,000 rabbits have been trapped
during the past year in the municipal
rabbit warren at Torquay.
The only way to tell a birdseye maple
tree is to cut it. There arc no outward
signs by which n can judge.
There are 1888 one room tenements
at Plymouth occupied by families con-
slstlng In some cases of eight persons.
Overworked seamstresses in Berlin
are to benefit by a legacy of $25O,OOO
left by a German bookseller named
Balm.
AS the hay crop in Lapland has been
a total failure, the peasants are slaugh-
tering their cattle, entire carcasses be-
ing sold for as little as SIS.
A French statistician estimates the
number Of COWS in the civilized world
at G3,SS0,O0O and the amount of butter
they yield at 2,640,O0O tons a year.
Six thousand cartridges, several RI
hes and a number Of pompom and ff-
teen FOUNDER shells have been dug up
near Klerksdorp, western Transvaal.
First class briquettes are sold in Ber-
lin and Germany generally for $3.17 a
ton, and this is the highest price known
since they became an article of COM
merce.
Five thousand dollars has been paid
for the drinking glass used by the late
empress of Austria while taking the
waters at Lungen-Schwalbach, neal
Wiesbaden.
Six employees of a Barrow (England)
engineering firm have received prizes
ranging from So to $50 for suggestions
tending to the more economical produc-
ton of work.
Recent legislation in some of the
peach states compels the removal of
the pink tarlatan netting which does
SO much to give an attractive color to
the green and unripe fruit and fool the
buyer.
The National museum at Belgrade
has come into possession of a collection
Of GS.OOO Roman copper coins recently
unearthed near a Servian village. The
oldest Of them were in the time of Car
acalla. .-tu
Experiments conducted in California
and recently reported to the Botanical
Society of America indicate that bees
are active agents in the spread of pear
blight at the period when the trees are
in bloom.
Seventy sepulchral urns containing
old coin and other relics dating from
the Augustan epoch have been discov-
cred at Aquileia, the ancient Roman
tower near Triest which was destroyed
by Attila,
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1903-01-16

"Do you think it is polite" said the
foolish stranger in Crimson Gulch, "for
a man to sit in his shirt sleeves and
play cards all day."
Eyes, SIR" answered Three Finger
Sam, "and maybe it'll be for your own
good to remind you that the fewer
sleeves a man has OF when he plays
cards around here the less. liable he is
to fall under suspicion
Star.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1903-01-16
JOINT INSTALLATION
WOrkmen and Degree of Honor Lad
les Had a Splendid Social
Evening,

....H
Tuesday evening. the Degree of
Honor ladies and the Workmen held
a joint installation Of officers in their
hall, and the oom was we'll filled
with members Of both orders. There
is a very strong social feeling between
the two orders and a union meeting
OF this character always means a very
delightful evening to those who par
ticiDate.
The Degree of Honor ladies were
given the right of floor at the start
ard their officers were installed as
follows:
Past Chief of Honor, Mrs. Ida
Grace; chief of honor, Mrs. Ellen
Snow; lady Of honor, Mrs. Nellie
Rush; chief of ceremonies, Mrs.
Alma Amsden; tinancier, Mrs. Della
NJ. Stair; receiver, Mrs. Evelyn
Curtis; recorder, Miss Grace Jordan /;
usher, Miss Minnie Grace; inside
watch, Miss Emily Kings; outside
watch, James Clark; .organist, Mrs.
Lydia Rushmore.
+. The work was performed by Mrs.
Mary A. Kings with Miss Mary Like
acting as grand usher. The guard
team, composed OF Mrs. J. N. Cook,
Misses Like and Tapp, Mrs. J. L.
Hannett, Mrs. s.. Whyte, Mrs. Anna
Barnard, Mrs. Alice Sphinx, and Mrs.
Lizzie Saul, assisted in the work ana
it passed off in a very creditable
manner. The ladies and the officers
were we'll drilled in their movements
and they won considerable admira-
tion from the members of the lodge
for the splendid installation cere-
monies.
The Workmen took the floor after
a brief recess and installed the fol-
lowing officers for the ensuing year:
Master Workman, o. T. Litchtield =;
past master workman, r. M. Sphinx;
foreman, J. J. Gleason; overseer, S.
NJ. Burton; recorder, A. B.. Nickel;
receiver, H. c. Tapp; ti%nancier, J..
II. Ferris; guide, S. B. Sphinx; in
side watch, Jacob Bujer; outside
watch, G. r. WEIGH.
A. J. Kings conducted the installa-
tion as the grand master workman,
and he was assisted by r. L. Ire
maine as the grand guide.
After the ceremonies were finished
a short time was spent in socials
matters and listening to sever re-
citations by Workman Mcmillan, of
Minnesota, who highly entertained
the audience. Miss Josephine Will
komm also recited a splendid selec-
tion. Refreshments were served and
dancing Vas INDUCED in for an hour
or more. The Workmen and Degree
Of Honor ladies certainly know how
to enjoy the bright side of life, and
it is this feature that binds them to-
gether so strongly.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1903-01-16
The Shifting snake

A snake found in Africa is called the
splitting snake by the Beers. It is be-
tween two and three feet long and IL
especially bold and active. readily at
lacking every one who approaches it
In confinement it is very savage, open.
Ing it's mouth and erecting it's fangs,
from which the poison may be often
observed to drop and even sometimes
to be forcibly elected; whence the
name given it by the Beers. !.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1903-01-16
Sources of

Some terribly potent liquors, it is said,
can be distilled from the innocent look
ing banana and also from the milk Of
the %cocoanut. The Japanese make a
beverage from plums and from the
flowers of the motherM ort and the
peach. The Chinese produce several
qualities Of spirit from rice and peas,
all Of them intoxicating, besides which
they can make an alcoholic drink from
mutton.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1903-01-16
Making sure.

This hunting story comes from Scot
land: When the heaters came out of
the covert, n Of the guns said to the
keeper, "Have you got all your beaters
out?'
AYE" said the man, astonished.
Are you sure? Have you counted
them?"
Counted them?" said the keeper.
"Aye, they're all right"
"Then," said the shooter, with a sigh
Of some relief, 81 have shot,a roe"
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1903-01-16
Eugene
ieId'S
Views on Ambition and Dys-
pepsla.

Dyspepsia" wrote Eugene Field,
soften incapacitates q man for endeavor
and sometimes extinguishes the fire Of
ambition" Though great despite his
complaint Field suffered from indiges-
ton all his life. A weak, tired stomach
can't digest your food. It needs
rest. You can only rest 1t by the use
of q preparation like Kodol, which re-
lieyes it OF work by digesting your food.
Rest soon restores it to its normal tone.
strengthening,
Satisfying,
Prepared only by E. q. DHW1rr& Co., Chicago.
ThS ST. bottle contains az times the SOC. size.
L. o. GALE.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1903-01-16
R~eassurinx George.

She had been shopping. and he wal
naturally disturbed.
Il hope you didn't spend much mon-
ey while you were downtown today"
he remarked.
mot a cent except car fare, George"
she answered reassuringly. II had ev.
sything charged"-Ch*cago Post.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1903-01-16
An Old Hand.

Tailor Ito applicant for a job)-We
want a good cutter. Have you had
much experience in the tailoring line?
Applicant with a confident smile)-
I eve had a suit Of clothes ready
when I said l would since I've been In
the business.
Tailor-You'U do. You're an old hand,
see.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1903-01-16
The Middle Class.

Society has been likencd to a barrel
of pork. The upper and lower layers
are sometimes u little tainted, but what
Is between is always good.-Chicago
Tribune.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1903-01-16
Same Old Thfnx,

Tom-Did you call on that pretty tel
ephone girl?
Dick-Yes, but%I guess there was
another fellow there ahead Of me, o
maybe it was only force of habit.
Tom--How do you mean?
Dick-My card came back with the
message. BUSY. Please call again.
Philadelphia Press.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1903-01-16
SatiRfactiNn.

Casey-Kelly called me a loyer, but
OF got satisfaction out av him.
RoOney-Ye did?
Casey-Oi did! He knocked out two
av me teeth thot how bin %throubling me
fer mORths.-Puck.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1903-01-16

Bride your tongue and you saddle
your temper.-New York Press.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1903-01-16

Cast iron articles were first made In
England in the year ITO.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1903-01-16

EnaIand's Target Nond.
Frensham Great Pont In Surrey,
covers oyer 100 acres. and is the
largest artificial pond in England.
The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1903-01-16

H.neElWEildlylIwa some sooth-
1l3Ie6tsf~Whatsize bottle?
5to1nerrH9ttle. I want keg! It's
tw41sl-IllustFated Bits.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1903-03-12
CURE OF DRUNKENNESS.
Little Importance Attached to the
Matter of Heredity.

An address on intemperance in wo-
men, recently delivered by Sir Thomas
Barlow, Bart, is interesting on account
Of It's practical suggestlvness. In deal
ing with the original information OF
this habit but little Importance Is at
tachcd to the influence of mere here
dity, though II is not denied that this
factor does in some families appear to
play It's part. The practice Of drinking,
which eliminates in drunkenness, Is re-
garded and treated from first to last
as q habit rather than a disease, and
one which has been developed out Of
acts OF self-lndulgence.
In the implied indictment Of the in
dividual, and Of society, where custom
and example have much to answer for,
there Is no want Of sympathy. On the
contrary, every allowance Is made for
misunderstanding, temptation and hu-
man frailty. At the same time, the
element Of moral responsibility is never
lost sight of. It is in the recognition
Of this quality that we find the clue
to successful treatment. Sir Thomas
Barlow is no pesslmlst. He firmly be-
leves in the possibility Of reclalma-
ton, and he relies for the attainment
OF this object largely upon an awaken
ing of the moral sense.
Intemperance Is not mere disease;
II is not even an uncomfortable habit.
It is a moral wrong, to be admitted, re-
pented OF, and combated by every avail
able means II the poor victim is ever
to obtain her emancipation. II Is not
to be expected that she can, at all
events as a rule, be depended upon to
work out her own salvation on these
lines. She has, nevertheless, ito GER
tain limited extent, the power In her
own hands" and II Is necessary to make
her see this. Moreover, the assistance
OF friends, and especially an example
OF abstinence on their part, can do very
much to help her.
There must be few persons, and prob
ably no medical men, who do not In
their hearts admit the truth Of these
observations. We believe that the alco-
holic habit is in no sense different In
character from any other form Of use
and wont, such as Is constantly seen
TO influence the course Of human con-
duct. It is infinitely more injurious
than the great majority OF such per-
sonal customs. II Is as durable as they
are, and mainly by those moral. intel
lectual and social means which have
been considered aboye.-The Lancet.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1903-03-12
AMONG INCONSISTENCIES IN SOUTH
Experience of Newspaper Man in
Search of Story.

Speaking Of moonshiners, | am re-
minded Of an experience had a num-
Der of years ago." said visitor from
North Carolina, "and 1t was not far
from prominent town in Virginia. At.
the time | was in the newspaper busi
ness and was really anxious for good
story l was willing to take long
chances In order to land story at that
time, for needed the help just then.
1.-THE chance came around all right.
was asked to go out into the noun
tains with crowd Of government off,
GERS. They had been given the tip on
lot of moonshiners who were operating
out in a remote section some distance
from Danville. The man who was in
charge OF the squad of officers told me
what I was expected to do. He gave
me gun as long as my arm. He told
me would probably have to shoot, but
not to do it until It was absolutely
necessary. And he told me several
! other things not calculated to make me
feel exactly comfortable The fact is
began to quake in my boots early in
the game. We went on out in the hills.
! In a short time we had come upon the
scene of the expected trouble. Sudden
ly the leader made a wild rush up the
hill and yelled for us to follow him.
made desperate effort to keep up and
was fairly successful In my sprinting
effort. We captured the still all right
and got the men.
Here Is where my fun began. was
asked to guard the prisoners while my
associates proceeded to demolish the
moonshine whisky outfit. This job was
by no means pleasant one and to save
my life | could not keep from thinking
that the almost hopeless men would In
some way manage to do me up. was
glad when 1t was all over.
"0ut on the side of the hill there was
pretty little home and had noticed
a number of good-looling girls around
the house. They seemed to want to be
friendly, and had no objection, One
of the girls was about the prettiest
thing had seen for long time.
thought would have little chat with
her. | found her very pleasant and
unusually friendly for a stranger. My
dream was soon dispelled. Among our
prisoners was an old man. His hair
was white as cotton. The girl had
picked out as my particular pet was
his daughter. and she was not long in
reminding me of the fact. She shamed
me out of my boots. Then she began
to abuse me. and II you will take my
word for It, never got such roasting
in all my life. And she did not stop
with polite words. She cursed me-
When | left the mountains | had
vastly increased swearing vocabulary,
for had been bombarded with choice
phrases which were entirely new to
me-and | may add that was no
novice in the swearing business at that
time myself. But the little girl Of the
mountains. the moonshiner's daughter,
had taught me few things In the mat
ter of arranging artistically words Of a
rare sulphuric kind.
"That was my first, last and only
experience with that curious but not al
together bad class of men who engage
in the business of making moonshne
whisky. New Orleans Times-Demo-
crat.
Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1903-03-12
change

CudH6o.
Later, the horses outside stampeding
caused general attention to be attract
ed to them, and when they were finally
pulled, with many oaths from the cow
boys, to their several places, Jerry,
from the door of the saloon, declared
with deep solemnity and with his eye
brows drawn sternly together: "Boyz,
I'm in fur sheein' a razh; beginning
right hic--right here down the street
an back again. Bezht man giz 500
an here it IL.
TIL ecowboys were soon astride their
ponies, and at the signal from Jerry,
given by lowering his hat with an air
Of deep sobriety, but at the imminent
risk Of losing his equilibrium, they
tore madly up the street. Their I'M
steady heads did not make them adhere
less firmly to lheir saddles, but they
swayed to and fro dangerously, waved
their sombreros, yelled and hooted. The
| dust few in all directions. The people
on the street ran in doorways.
| When the cowboys reached the end
OF the street they stampeded in a
cloud Of white Just for time, but
soon returned, their trappings and their
long hair flying wildly in the wind. One
of them drew revolver and in the ex-
uberance of his spirits emptied its
chambers rapidly. The others joined in.
When they reached the Blue Snake
again they did so in heap Each
claimed the hundred bill.
Jerry, whose authority had not been
questioned heretofore, was not listened
to now for an instant. Exhiliarated by
the race and excited by cries of 'the
sheri," they fell upon him in body
to get their reward. Before their on
slaught what little sense was left to
Jerry soon vanished. When some time
after he regained consciousness sutfi-
GENTLY to think connectedly 1t was to
discover that he had been taken in
custody by the sheriff for disturbing
the peace, and also that his wealth
disappeared. The cowboys had eluded
the sheriff and, making a detour Of the
city, returned to spend their ill-gotten
money. Some to drink, others to play
faro roulette or stud-poker.
When Jerry one morning shortly af-
ter regaining his liberty stepped into
the kitchen of the Beardville tavern his
face wore strained and worried ex-
preston. He was prepared to take
meekly the TRADE which awaited him.
A Chinaman who was peeling potatoes
and who seemed to be in charge show
ed his yellow teeth as he declared la
conically in broken English that Mrs.
Frapp had eloped. AS he noted the ex-
preston Of mingled pain and alarm
which spread over Jerry's face his
smile vanished and he explained softly
with apparent concern: "She mally,
She takee chic chic to Cheyelle." Jer-
RVS throat was parched. He stood for
some time, his eyes fixed on space, and
and then without word left the kitch-
en-.
A few weeks later he was enrolled on
the pay roll of the Superior Mining
company, which was making millions
out of his former prospect. His shift
went on at midnight and often. as with
his tin bucket on his arm he took his
, way to the mine, he looked up the
mountains, where the stars were twin
king among the pines, in melancholy
thought.