davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1903-02-27
THE FARnER RULES
STANDS JOKES AT HIS EXPENSE
Forty Million Farmers Have Capital
Of Twenty Billion Doliars-Four
Times as Much as Is Invested In
Manufactures.


Manufactures.
Urban has always looked down on
suburban. Inhabitants of the cities
have ever smiled en- dwellers In the
country and laid uncomplimentary
stress on their appearance. manners
and lack of culture-according to city
measure.
Once n "heathen' was only dwell
er on the heath-one who lived out
side of n city. These "heathens" have
ever since been considered fit sub
jects for ridicule and proper objects
for the cunning wiles OF the city
dweller.
The city smiles at the country and
grins when II talks about "Rubes.'
Jays" "haysecds," "the bush" wild
and woolly West and other terms that
signify some sort Of inferlority.
The grin often breaks into a laugh
nt the expense OF the "heathen." with
out the city man going through the
mental effort to inquire what he Is
laughing about.
James Wilson. secretary OF the De
partment of Agriculture. has compiled
some very interesting figures about
the Jays" and 'haysecds" which may
furnish the proud city man with n few
reasons for his smiles and grins and
laughs when he contemplates his coun'
try cousins.
He has shown who "Rubc" is. the
place he occupies In the nation and his
position as compared with his dds
tant.' relatives. Reggie" and "Chol'
lIe." In the city.
Mr.. Wilson's figures for 1900 show
that there were i0.OO0.0oo "Rubes" In
the United States: actually that more
than onc-haif Of the population OF this
great country Ia residing on farms.
Think OF that. Mr.. CItydweiicr'
Then he tells us that the Jays" have
n capital OF 100000, 900. 900 Invested In
agriculture. which Is four times as
much as is invested In manufactures.
Now. Reggie" laugh at -'Rnbc" CON.
Ing to town and having roaring
spree" on G5 cents, when you spend
31i for dinner and give the profcs-
sIonai bcggar who waits on you n
dollar.
"Rubc" could buy you. even Mt your
own estimated waiuc. II he was foolish
enough to do so. and was looking af'
ter gold bricks"
II you want to know what ''Rubc''
Is In politics. consider the rural vote.
Laugh ut ''Itubc" II Il plcases you.
for he can stand II.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1903-02-27
Biz london Clock.
Medical Advice Free strictly coni,de eo,l,

big Ben" the famous clock In the
tower of the houses of Parliament, In
being lighted at last by electricity. SO
that its time may be read occasion
ally at night. II is still wound by
hand. taking two men twelve hours
weekly to complete the operation. It
is fifteen years since the clock has
been cleaned and recently 1t had be-
gun to lose time. Each of its four
faces covers 400 square feet and IL
takes nearly week to scrub and
clean II.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1903-02-27
As,onIshes the Duchess.

According to London weekly tho
duchess OF Marlborough Is astounded
Mt the extravaganza displayed by New
York society during her prcseat visit
to relatives there. Especially was shs
amazed Mt the Splcndor Of an enter.
taInmcnt given In Newport by tho
wife OF her kinfman. Cornelius Van.
dcrbii'. who brought an entire com.
pany over from New York to amusS
her guests ore evening.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1903-02-27
FI.h.. thrown up BY Volcanoes,

Tho vomiting of hss from vol.
sanoes IL no ncw experience and q.
seems more startling than mysterious.
~. J. Girirdin explains thst In tho In
'crfal between two srupiions-oftcn
century or morc-thc eratcrs be-
come nlicd with ashstockca lakes.
and the next eruption blow on, tho
water and its contents.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1903-02-27
Aged Canadian Statesman.

Senator wark. who Is n member OF
the Canadian parliament and who OK.
pcc,s this year to attend to his icgis.
ia'isc duties. rs he has annually for
over half n century. IL probably tho
Oldest legislator in the world. lie IL
In his ono hundrciih year and has
been ono q the Legislators for tho
province a. New brunswick for up
ward Of siS,y years.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1903-02-27
Many sxnenym. TO, Money.

The Buffalo Commercial asserts that
money has more synonyms than any
word In the English language II slang
phrases bc included. II presents ihls
partial list: CON. plunks. plastcTs.
soap. rocks. dust. dough. ducats. ding.
bats. pewter. nccdfui. stun. coila'.
rags. shckcls, wad. roll. tin. long
green. grease. bones. baisam. chicken
feed. rhlno. brass. gold. lucre anj
sitnolcona.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1903-02-27
Last Years Immigration.

In 1902 more than 100000 immi.
grants arrived at New York. an in
crease of 13s.000 over the previous
year. This is said to be record
Deportations of immigrants who did
not come up to the requirements of the
alien laws exceed those of previous
years by several thousand. During
the past year 5.516 immigrants were
sent back to their homes at the ex
pense OF the steamship companies, as
compared with 3,646 in 1901.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1903-02-27

A lady Senate reporter tells of the
petition addressed to Senator Lewis by
some forty Silverton bachelors pray
ing. entreating and bcseeching him TO
defeat the pernicious bachelor tax bill
even while somewhat Inconsistency
claiming that single blessedness would
be cheap at twice the proposed tax.
II the bill was not slain they wanted
IL amended SO as to compel any woman
refusing to marry any bachelor to pay
his tax for him, also in such fashion
as to provide for the fine and impris-
onment of any woman with hand
painted complexion or hair that didn't
grow on her own head"
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1903-02-27
A wonoer,v, 1r,n,,o,n,,lo,.

Three years ago a spot near Phiia.
dciphia was covered with cornacids:
to-day a 100000 shipyard stands
there. Ships are built under a huge
glass and iron shcd. which allows
work to be dorc in all sorts Of
weather
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1903-02-27
Champion .sau.rs- M.n.

George Morrish of Hoibrook comes
mighty near being a square man. 4,
Is said iha; he measures feet 10
inches fro mthc top Of his head to tn,
point OF his big toe. and 4 feet 10
inches around his body at what sol.
d!crs term tho salient point.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1903-02-27

sorTu B,nIoSyiLir. it,. Feb. 9.
1pW.-"1 received the trial package Of
Deans Kidneys Pills and have bought
several boxes Of my druggist, They have
done nc much rooi I was hardly ablc
TO T. any work until began taking them;
now ! can work all day nnd my back does
not get the least bit tired Btnp GuAY.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1903-02-27

The Washington Post states tha,
Mr.. Carnegie has varied the nuno,ony
by giving an organ to Pennsylvania
church. What a Scot encourage the
use of "a kis; o whistles" in the
kirk?
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1903-02-27

Seven months and half was the
time taken in travelling around the
world by a picture post card. which
has Just been delivered to its sender
at Berlin. 1t is estimated that l.SsG
people read IL before Il got around.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1903-02-27

No. Clarence. the fac, that baby is
born in New York every ten minutes
docs not mean that the size of fami
lies is increasing The births that are
ten minutes apart arc not in the same
family.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1903-02-27

Over In Russia a large number of
writer's have demanded the abolition
Of the press censor. Let us hope they
have their furs ready for the trip
10 Siberia.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1903-02-27

The cable brings the news that Rus.
ala and Austria are about to move
against Turkey" Probably they arc
contemplating establishing a Thanks.
giving day Of their own.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1903-02-27

Life must seem sweet indeed TO
those 1000 or 5000 horses In Brook.
iyn Who are being fed on molaszcs. he.
ransc Il ls cheaper and better than
oats.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1903-02-27

The most shining mark for the fool.
killer is the man who thinks he knows
just what woman will do in a given
situation. Profane history relates that
even Mcthuselah received few jars
in his nine hundred and siSty.ninth
year.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1903-02-27

No doubt the troubles of the sultan
of Moroeeo seem serious TO him. hu,
they arc not big enough To &C, him
On the nrst page OF the American
newspapers.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1903-02-27
churehe, win Few Attendants.

Many churches in the central dis.
,ricts OF London. each occupying
ground worth si.ooo.oo have congrc.
cations on Sunday morning of no,
moro than a dozen persons. and usual.
~ half of them are curious Yankees.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1903-02-27

Mrs. Annie .. Eastman. a woman
preacher OF Eimlra. y. Y. says super.
animated ministers should bc shot.
Annie ought to draw well now for
n week or two.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1903-02-27

inasmuch as Correspondent; Blowi,s
appears TO have left handsome for.
tune II will BE- hard to make case Of
cruelty and neglect againS, the Lon.
don Times.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1903-02-27

Brazil and Bolivia arc a, war over q
boundary question. when tho South
Americans have nothing else to hEh'
for the good old boundary question
always remains.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1903-02-27

Seven billions of cigars. or nearly
100 for every man. woman and child
In the country. are consumed in the
United States annually. unless the sta
tisticians are lying about 1t.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1903-02-27

Wireless teicgraphy Is grand
achievement OF the century. but II Will
never be complete until II results In
poicicfs Etrccts.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1903-02-27

J. Pierpont Morgan says newspaper
men are good fellows. He has missed
n lot II he has Just made this dlscov'
cry.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1903-02-27

To settle controversy signor Mar.
conf announces that he is not going
to be married. There is no splicing
needed in the wireless system
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1903-02-27

A Baltimore Eiri has married a man
whom she had arrested for picking
her pocket. Perhaps she thinks fei.
low who is able to find woman's
pocket without assistance will be a
handy fellow to have around the
lnusp
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1903-02-27

Wherever she Is the Erca, Amcri.
can siri-bc she three or thrcc-and.
tweniy-ls accustomed to hold the
center OF the stage.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1903-02-27

President Roosevelt has written to
congratulate cordially that mother OF
bankruptcies. Now let the father OF
them cheer up.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1903-02-27

Tho unfortunate man that alto 500
In paper currency must have been ac'
customed to patent breakfast food.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1903-02-27

II Mount Pelee were only situated a
few hundred miles to the northwest of
its present location how gleefully one
would chortle at the coal barons.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1903-02-27

Congress proposes to stop pclagie
scaling by killing NIL the seals. The
remedy has at least effectiveness To
commend IL.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1903-02-27

II should be quits cshIlara,InE for
the Utah man TO go home on health
day and Ind his several wives clean
inE house all at once.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1903-02-27

Tho man that beat the Russian cork
trust was corker.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1903-02-27

Yes. Eugene. n girl can give you
her lip without being saucy. Have
you never caught her under the mis-
tletoeg
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1903-02-27

Drink and the world drInka with
you" observes the sage OF the Mays.
willie Tribune. but settle the bill and
you settle alone
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1903-02-27

Western boys make the best sail.
ors. according to navy officials. That
is natural. They also make the best
landsmcn.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1903-02-27

The doctors are once more prepar'
Ing to perform the historical feat OF
operating ON the sick man OF Europe.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1903-02-27
BACK TO THE FARM.
q. Louis Policeman Tires Of the Job
ans Turns Farmer.

After ten years as 81, Louis po.
iiecman. Hugh Mcmahon. tired OF life
In n great city. has gone back to the
country. Like Clarence the Cop. he
has been transferred again." but this
time at his own wish.
He has gone back from the force to
the farm: from politics TO potatoes:
from courts to carrots: from station
to stable: from clubs to ciods: from
''plug.uglics" to plows: from ''pinchcs''
TO pnrsnips: from mud to mcadows:
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1903-02-27

Abram S. Hewitt left an estate
OF 100000. But he did not die dis
graced. nevertheless.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1903-02-27

Soubrette-I'm looking for a position
to sing. Manager-Did you ever sing
for money before? Soubrette-No; on
ly for spite.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1903-02-27

The valued Detroit Tribune asks
els hell hot?" But why this i'm
Iatience?
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1903-02-27

Peary thinks OF trying again to
reach the north pole. Isn't there any
thing people can take for this?
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1903-02-27

Fortune smiles en- the few; to the
majority sac gives the laugh.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1903-02-27

II is not much of a trick to put on a
glove after you get your hand in.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1903-02-27
PROVE DOAN'S FREE HELP.

Those who doubt think
Doan's Kidney stamp merit
Decorah public opinion. (Decorah, Winneshiek County [Iowa]) 1895-1928, 1903-03-25
Mrs. |. B. Keller Dead.

Decorah relatives and friends were
saddened last Wednesday by the news
of the death of Mrs. l. B. Keeler at
her home in Wnona, Mimi. She had
been suffering from pneumonia for
two weeks, and this complicated with
heart trouble was the cause of her
death.
Clara Sinclair was born i'm Money
Creek, Mimi, March 12, 1865, and
was married to Mr.. l. B. Keeler
about seventeen years ago. to which
union three children were born, one
of whom passed away in infancy. She
was sister to George Sinclair, the
west side merchant. The family re-
sided in Decorah for a number ct
years. moving to Winona about year
ago. While here she gained the re-
spect and esteem of all who knew
her, as a kind and loving wife and
mother, good neighbor and upright
woman. Her many friends join US in
sympathy to the bereaved husband
and children.
Decorah public opinion. (Decorah, Winneshiek County [Iowa]) 1895-1928, 1903-03-25
j. j. MARSH POSTMASTER
SECURES THE MUCH COVETED PLUM
After CanyaSSing the Situation Congress,
man Haugen Decides in His Favor,
Appointment Gives General
Satisfaction.

For several months past there has
been much speculation as to who
would receive the appointment as
postmaster for the city of Decorah az
the hands of Congressman Haugen,
Early in the race there we're several
candidates mentioned, but the situa-
tion gradually sifted down to contest
between Mr.. G. N. Goddard, the pre-
sent incumbent, and Mr.. j. j. Marsh.
The friends of each of course have
been interested in their candidacy,
and of late the interest had developed
into an exciting contest. After con-
sidering the problem carefully Con,
gressman Haugen decided to come to
Decorah before making his recon-
mendation to the president, call OH
the citizens here, and then determine
upon the one to- be recommended.
He arrived last week Monday, and
spent the time until Thursday. After
thorough consideration and investiga-
tion, announced that he would recon-,
mend Mr.. Marsh, who has since been
showered with congratulations from
all sides.
We believe that Congressman
Haugen could not have made q wiser
selection than Mr.. Marsh. Through
long and honorable business career
he has toiled faithfully in the in
terests of the republican party and it's
candidates, spending much time and
money without asking remuneration
through Office. He has been chairman
of the county central committee for
many years, the duties of which have
been performed in a manner highly
pleasing to the candidates upon the
tickets and the party at large, and has
elected the kindliest feeling from all
who have been connected with him.
He certainly deserved recognition,
and we believe neither Mr.. Haugen,
the republican party nor the patrons
of the office will have cause to regret
his appointment.
We have nothing but the kindest
words to say for the retiring post
master, Mr.. Goddard. Through the
rapid development and progress along
all lines during his term the business
and responsibilities of the Office have
increased, and he has faithfully full
filled the duties that devolved upon
him. As public official we believe
he has given general satisfaction.
Decorah public opinion. (Decorah, Winneshiek County [Iowa]) 1895-1928, 1903-03-25
Joint Debate Tomorrow Night.

There will be debating contest
tomorrow evening, between represen-
tatives of the Decorah High School
and Decorah Institute, with the SUBJ
ject as follows: Resolved, That
Trusts are an Unmitigated Evil" IL
bids fair to be an interesting contest.
The high school will be represented
by Ray Topliff, Sam Glenn and Mar
jorie Vance. while Hugo Mueller and
the Street brothers will argue for ID.
/. The latter has the Affirmative
Decorah public opinion. (Decorah, Winneshiek County [Iowa]) 1895-1928, 1903-03-25
Get Their Salaries Raised.

The famous "smile that won't come
off, is now worn ON the faces of the
clerks in the Decorah post Office since
Fridays papers reached here contain
ing the information from the post
Office department that the salaries Of
three clerks in this office were to be
raised 500 each. This gives Miss
Ellefson, general delivery clerk, $500;
Charles Reed, stamp clerk, 5000, and
Will Hogan, money order clerk, $1,000.
They have given the patrons of the
office excellent service and all will be
pleased to know that their service has
been recognized in so substantial q
way,
Decorah public opinion. (Decorah, Winneshiek County [Iowa]) 1895-1928, 1903-03-25
NEWS IN THE COUNTY SCHOOLS
Items of Interest CuIIed from the Current
Issue of the Winnesheik County
Teacher.

The Howard County Institute will
be in session at the same time as our
Winnesheik County Institute. Mr.
Finch and Mr.. Oliver are two of
the instructors. They are both we'll
known to most of our teachers. How
ard should have good institute.
The February teachers examination
was large one this year. The fol-
lowing named persons wrore the ex-
animation: Synneva Jossendol, Ella
Hoverson, Lena Brekke, Maggie
Leland, Lucille Powers, Sophie
Haugen. Emily Lundberg, Maude
Gardener, John Plunkett, Myrtle
johnson, May Headington, Will
Hurley, Oscar Wemark, Vesta Fifield,
Josie Holahan, Lottie Sexton, Sadie
Curtin, Jennie Curtin, Pearl Jack,
Louise Thompson. and Mary Rice.
County superintendent Fl. L. Adams,
of West Union, Iowa, was in Decorah
recently in the interests of his can
didacy for state superintendent. Many
of our teachers will remember having
met him at our institutes the last two
years.
A recent visit to Castalia found the
teachers working along nicely on
'extended time,' as the board de-
cided to add one more month to the
winter term. The board has done
considerable in the way of improve
ments this year. New walks have
been laid, trees set out, tie wood
shed "righted" ap, new maps, recita-
tion seats, new atlas, and many
other minor improvements. We are
glad to see these evidences of interest
in the schools. The building needs
cleaning inside and some paint out
side, and the school will be in good
shape to start the spring term.
The large certificate of award,
which is issued to all pupils present
ing four properly certified small GER
tificates of award, has been presented
to the following named pupils this
winter: Edna Bronillet, Claude Van
Wey, Herbie Padden. and Charley
Crawford, of FraIkville Village
schools; Morry Delaney, Earl and
Jessie Stevens, Wayne Snyder, of
Freeport schools; Vernon Banning,
district No. 6. Bloomfield township
Grace Rathbun. No. 6. Frankville
township; Agnes Sawyer, Lawrence
Livingston, PaDsy Fox, and Ethel
Fox, Castalia schools; Ernest, Rod
ney and Hazel Nicholson, Oak Grove
school, Military township; Clarence
and Mae Myers, Ruby Jack, Allen
Dunquey, No. 2, Jackson township.
There may be others in the county
who are entitled to these certificates
of perfect attendance. and If so, they
will be gladly issued upon the GER
tification of their attendance by the
teacher in charge of the school.
Rural examinations for county
diploma have been held in several
places in the county, though we can
report but one diploma issued, as
grading of the other papers is not
yet finished. Helen Brown. of
district No. 2, Orleans, receives a
diploma on very good grades made.
Decorah public opinion. (Decorah, Winneshiek County [Iowa]) 1895-1928, 1903-03-25

There were 800 bicycle factories in
the United States in 1895. They pro-
duced 100000 machines. These cost
the users $37, 10000 There were
800, 900 bicycles made in 1896. In 1895
the membership of the League OF
American Wheelmen was 103, 900; il
is now $3.50. In 1898 there were 5(
papers devoted to cycling; how there
is only one.
Decorah public opinion. (Decorah, Winneshiek County [Iowa]) 1895-1928, 1903-03-25
Better Values Than Ever.

Months ago we purchased cloth and
are having made up for us about 800
mems and young mems suits, which
We will open the spring season by
selling at $40. They are without
doubt the best $40 suit in Iowa. Bear s
Decorah public opinion. (Decorah, Winneshiek County [Iowa]) 1895-1928, 1903-03-25

The cost of Alaska was 81, 200, 900.
Revenue exceeding $4,000 has
been received from the territory since
the purchase, and the value of the
products exported everv year now
from Alaska is about $15, 600, 900,
these being gola, fish and furs.
Decorah public opinion. (Decorah, Winneshiek County [Iowa]) 1895-1928, 1903-03-25

The Sioux City Journal gives this
modernized version of we'll known
ditty: "Young Miss Hubbard went
to the pantry to provide her Scotch
collie with some cereal food. Upon
her arrival there she discovered the
supply was exhausted and the lucky
dog was tick led to death. I"
Decorah public opinion. (Decorah, Winneshiek County [Iowa]) 1895-1928, 1903-03-25

The United States provides for the
punishment of crime, but makes nc
effort to prevent it. The annual
tribute society pays to crime, statis-
tics show to be 5000, 900, 900.
Decorah public opinion. (Decorah, Winneshiek County [Iowa]) 1895-1928, 1903-03-25

United States Senator Knute Nelson
of Minnesota, is said to be the only
man in congress who can speak six
languages and he speaks them all
fiuently.
Decorah public opinion. (Decorah, Winneshiek County [Iowa]) 1895-1928, 1903-03-25

There are now stored in the vaults
of the United States treasury Is, 721
tons of gold and silver money. This
is weighty evidence that Uncle Sam
is fairly prosperous.