Waterbury evening Democrat., 1903-09-23
PIKE COUN TY
 DOINGS
Abe Shorter TelIS Colonel Harper
 About "Cussophone

[Copyright, 1903, by c. B. Lewis,1
 A OLONEL HARPER had hitched
 his mule to post in front of Nu\ the Pike county courthouse
 and was about to enter the building when Abe Shorter turned the corner and hastened up to him with:
 "Waal, do declar' if this ain't Kur- nel Harper! Howdy, kurnel? Jest reck- oned yo wasn't coming to town again this var" s .s
 "Eowdy, Abe" repeated the colonel as they shook hands. i've had a right smart to do out on the plantation, yo' know, and am in powerful hurry this mawning.'
 ''Yes, yo' are a busy man, Kurnel Harper, and I'm not the one to take up yo'r time. Jest a minute, however. These we're Pike county scandalizers have throwed me down again, and I reckoned yo' might want to hear about it."
 "Shoo! Shoo! How was it, Abe?"
 q got up last Monday mawning, kur- nel, thinking to put on a clean shirt. Hunted high and low and then remem- bered that my only other shirt was away in the wash. Sent a black boy down to Mary Greens for it, and what sort of an answer do yo' reckon she sent backT'
 "Yo' owed her bill, mebbe''
 "Yes, kurne1; I owed her IT cents, and the answer came back that she'd hold on to my clean shirt till the bill was paid. Think of that, Kurnel Har- per! Did yo' ever hear of the likes since the day yo' was born? Only IT cents, and me rising young lawyer in Pike county, and yet she wouldn't send the shirt!'
 'Purty tough, Abe," replied the colo nel, ''but of course yo' sent it?'' "No, sah; no, sah. Couldn't do it after that insult to my honah and priH- ciples. I saw right away that it wasn't the woman who was throwing me down, but it was these yere scandal izers who have determined to drive me out of Pike county. I thought I'd beat lem by getting writ of replevin, but when I went to Squar Jackson for it what do yo' reckon he said? Kurnel Harper, look me in the eye and tell me what yo reckon he flung at meT'
 "I can't skassly say, Abe. Did he hurt yo'r feelings by saying that yod better pay them IT cents i" I Worse than that, kurnel, fur worse. He not only refused me the writ, but said that if I had drunk less whisky, l done less Whittling on pine shingles and had the ambition of toad might now have been standing in the shoes of Caesar Baronius. Kurnel Har- J I~11o Do wasp
 Cant skassly say that I ever met up with him, Abe, though I'm a pore hand at remembering names. Used to live around yere, did hep
 "Yo' never met up with him, kurnel, and there's good reason for it. Caesar Baronius was born in Naples "a the l Both day of October, 153S, and died the 1 Both of May, 1907. To couldn't very well have met up with a man who had been dead 200 years when yo' were, bon, could yo'?'
 ''Skassly, Abe, skassly. When yo' l first spoke the name didn't know but l that he had lived around yere. So he's dead, eh?" w Dead as a doahnaiI, kurnel-dead befo' single tree had been cut down in this we're county of Pike. That was the man Squar Jackson throwed up to me-a man who. was bon, buried and turned to dust befo' my grandfather could walk alone. Where was my chance, kurnel; where was my chance? Did live in Naples in the year 1538?"
 Don't reckon yo' did, Abe"
 '"This Caesar Baronius was a histo- rian and strong writer, and he made big name for himself. He had the show to do it. If I'd been living there and then 1t might have been neck and 1 .Z2ZzszM