davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Smyrna times., 1903-03-04
HOW LONDON TAPSTERS
SUCCEED WITH STORIES
THEIR HARD LUCK STORIES TAKE THE
PLACE OF OPEN BEGGING.
Generally Known by Their Amazing Over Pc.
liteness 10 Opening veratiOn-They
Beg Pardon For Most Everything.


The plain and open tapster who ac-
costs you in the street purely to beg
may generally be known by an amaz-
ing OverpOliteness in opening the con-
versatiOn. He is the only person 1
know who begs pardon for taking the
liberty of speaking to you, and by this
sign you shall know him. They all be-
gin by begging pardon for taking this
not so very rare liberty. but only the
buffers go on straightway to tap. The
proficient tapsters approach the tap
sideways, so to speak. Something like
this, with a quick touch of the hat
brim:
BEG pardon. sir, I'm sure l 'umbly
beg your pardon for takin the great
liberty of speakin' to you in a public
thOroughfare like this, which l am
quite aware it is a great liberty, sir,
though trustin' you will kindly pardon
the great liberty of pore, 'ardworkin'
man, sir, in takin' the great liberty of
askin' if this street is the 'Aymarket,
sir?" (Or the way to the Strand or the
day of the month, or something.)
You answer the question, but you
don't stop the stream of apOlOgetics.
Thank you, kindly, sir" pursues the
tapster, pouring out the words, thank
you kindly, sir, if you'll so far pardon
the liberty of pore, 'ardworkin' man.
sir, in askin' the question, which un-
fortunately l was forced to take the
great liberty, sir, through bein' out O.
work eighteen months an nothink to
eat since last ToOsday fortnight, sir,
upon my word of honor, which nothink
but the cries for bread of fourteen
young children in arms would prevail
on me, sir-so igstreme kind as you've
bin to me, sir, which l shall never for
get-to take the very great liberty, sir,
in a public thorOughfare, of askin'
which is the nearest work 'ouseY'
If once more you give him informa-
tion instead of coppers, you only pro-
woke another speech Of the same sort.
for he can go on like that for a deal
longer than you want to listen. 1t is
only in the extreme that he will direct
~ ask for money, though fancy that
1t is merely caution that marks his
guarded way. as they say in the lyric,
Tor If accused of begging by some
watchful policeman he can ALWAYS
plead that he was only asking a harm
less question. And the questions are
endless in variety. l give my solemn
word that l was once buttonholed by
one of these seedy tapsters with the
apologize request that l would tell
him the number of stars on the ma
tonal flag of the United States! This
is a simple fact.-Leonard Larkin in
the Strand.
Smyrna times., 1903-03-04

In reply to inquiries we have pleas.
ure in announcing that Ely Liquid
Cream Balm is like the solid prepara-
tion of that admirable remedy in that
it cleanses and heals membranes af-
fected by nasal catarrh. There is no
drying or sneezing. The Liquid
Cream Balm is adapted to use by
patients who have trouble in inhaling
through the nose and prefer spraying.
The price, including spraying tube, is
20 cents. Sold by druggists or mailed
by Ely Brothers, So Warren Street,
New York.
Smyrna times., 1903-03-04
A Wet Umbrella

Never leave an umbrella standing on
the point in the ordinary way when
wet. The water trickles down, spelling
the silk and making the wires rusty. 1t
is also mistake to open it and leave it
standing. os this stretches the silk.
making it baggy so that it is impossi-
bic to fold it smoothly. The proper
way is to shake out as much of the
water as possible, then stand the UNI
brella on its handle to drain.
Smyrna times., 1903-03-04
ChOIIy's Good One.

"Oh, Miss Perkins, have a conun-
dwum for you. What is the diff'wence
between Tilted feIlah who pwetends
he doesn't care and dish of Dutch
cabbageY
Miss Perkins-Well. go on. What's
the answer?
Cholly-One's souah gwapes and the
others sauaukwaut. Ha, haw! Isn't
that doosid evah?-New York Press.
Smyrna times., 1903-03-04
a BASIS For Social Success.

Mr.. Blank was rather amused to
near the children gOssiping about their
little playmates.
Mrs. Blank-TEe little dears! If they
only keep on, how they will shine in
polite society when they grow up!-Tit-
Bits.
Smyrna times., 1903-03-04
Not Concerned.

"Why don't you try to hand an hon
ored name down to posterity?"
Il don't know" answered Senator
Sorghum. Maybe | don't look far
enough ahead. So long as my signature
is honOred at the bank can't see that
my credit with posterity makes much
difference Washington Star.
Smyrna times., 1903-03-04
Not Sure of Him.

why are you so sure that he loves
youY
Because he stays away from me in
hopes he can overcome the fascination
OF my presence. And there is but one
thing that bOthers mel fear he will
succeed. Plain Dealer.
Smyrna times., 1903-03-04
Comparisons Are Od,ous

Perkins, Jr.-Why don't We buy that
horse Of Seth's, pop? He's got a fine
pedigree.
Perkins. Sr.-Pedigree! The question
is, is he wuth anything? Why, boy,
them sassiety folks what comes here
in the summer has pedigrees.-Brook-
lyn Life.
Smyrna times., 1903-03-04
A Barrier.

What have you in the way of beef
steak today| asked the cheerful Gus.
toner who hadn't paid his bill.
"Well,' replied the frank butcher. 81
reckon about the only thing in the way
Is its price Baltimore News.
Smyrna times., 1903-03-04
A Meat RnuL

An Irishman, prosecuting another
man for assault, was asked to explain
the accused's black eyes.
"Ah," he replied readily, before he
had time to hit me / hit him back"
Smyrna times., 1903-03-04
Hard to Pnrt WA

The man at our boarding house has
the remains of a once prosperous
pocket comb, from which the teeth
have long since fed.
why" we ask him, do you carry
that thing around with you-that
worthless old combT"
And he replies:
"Well. 1 can't part with it."-Balti-
more News.
Smyrna times., 1903-03-04
Cynical.

lnquiring Young Man-When a per-
son says something nice about another.
why is he said to pay" a compliment? i?
Crusty Old Man-Because he expects
to get something for it.
Smyrna times., 1903-03-04
Investigating the Delay.

Sunday School Teacher-And It took
Noah 100 years to build the ark.
Street Arab--What was the matter? ?
Was there a strike?-Puck.
Smyrna times., 1903-03-04

1t runs in the family-a woman's
tongue.-Philadelphia Bulletin.
Smyrna times., 1903-03-04

II it wasn't for silly hens the fox
would not have his reputation.-Life.
Smyrna times., 1903-03-04

IDEAS generate ideas. like a potato.
"nicn cut in pieces reproduces itself IN
D multiplied form. -
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1903-10-17
Great Confederate Leader Gives
Personal Experiences.
NOT A WAR HISTORY.
Simply a Record of Incidents
and Personal Anecdotes.
Abounds in HumOr for Which
Author Is Famous.

General Gordons "reminiscences of
the Civil War" which are destined to
take the place on the southern side held
by General Grants Memoirs" on the
northern side, We're written from time
to time throughout a great number of
years. They are not. therefore. made
to-order book. but the spontaneous rec
objections of very full life.
From Bull Run to Appomattox Gen.
Gordon was in most of the great fights
of General Lees army. He knew the
leaders of the Confederacy intimately,
and his acquaintance was enlarged dur
ing his career as a United States sena-
tor by intimate association with leaders
of the Union cause. He was the friend
of General Grant to the end of his life.
This is not a narrative history of the
war, but records. with anecdote. Incl
dent, and with eloquence, the personal
experiences of General Gordon and the
eminent leaders who were his near
friends.
No other such intimately personal rec
ord has been produced by either side
Every chapter contains humorous Incl
dents. and often pathetic ones. which
viii pass into the permanent history of
the war. The Scribners announce the
book for publication today.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1903-10-17

Il have had no career.-that describes
something much too elevated for me-
Doesn't it speak to you of a high and
strenuous holding to a noble course?
Welt am only a loafer. The little
have done has happened Miss Cherry
Blossom was absolutely an accident
the rest incidents. Print anything you
like about my books, like people to
like THEM,-and about me-nothing
Except-yes-that I did live in Japan
IN SOME FORMER RE-INCARNA-
T1ON, and the devas did quite close
the door behind me-"
Mr.. Long lives and works winters at
Ashbourne. one of Philadelphia's beau
tiful suburbs. Here, when the mood is
on him, he labors feyerishly until late
into the night or, rather, early in the
morning, for he seldom retires before
a. m. Often he spends his summers
at his bungalow, at a quiet and rather
unfrequented spot on the Jersey coast.
Here Mr.. Long also does considerable
writing. He is great mystery to his
rev nelghoors who cannot understand
why man should sit up until daylight
ana not have his breakfast until noon.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1903-10-17

Now let me ask you what the ratlines
Mr.. Bowser was about to answer, that
anything that ratified around on poar1
realize that he was beaten man, am
his dignity could be saved only IN one
way Lord Nelson never took a more nc
roic resolve He clewed up his main top
sail close reefed his fore, and a1ter
hauling his ibis to windward and shiVer-
ing his foresail. he rose up and sand;
'.Woman you have seen tit to try ana
make fool of your husband. and TINS III
tie performance will now come 10 An
'sBut do you know how to box the COM
mo. ma'an. I don't don't know q
Yacht from starch box, nor fulir1gged
ship from a henhouse- All know is
-iS-i''
the dashing spray and the ocean roar
banged his telescope down on the floor,
and banged his jaunty yachting cap down
after it. and then he jumped up ana Gown
on them and cried out: Ha! ha! aye:
aver in such deep sea tones that the car
was swept TO leeWard and Mrs BoWssI
was drowned in her stateroom-
Now. them he said, as the ship got
through rolling and came back to an even
keel s'you have driven me from my nome
and YOU have driven me to get drunk,
and YOU take the consequences and make
the best of them!
Then he rolled down the hall, clapped
on his SOU wester and made all san foI
the street. and the last Mrs. BoWser ana
fhe car saw of him for the next three
hours he was scudding before a typhoon
with both his masts gone and the DOS n
calling for ice cream and raw cams
(osopyright. 1903, by c. 3. Lewis.)
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1903-10-17
ARIZONA TENT LIFE.
Develops Sound Minds in Strong,
Healthy Bodies.

Prep" school in the open-each young
fellow possessing his own tent, horse,
even dogs if so inclined. -udy punctua-
ted with hunting and camping trips to
the mountains. mines, Indian reserva-
lions. steer tying and branding contest
prehistoric ruins and the big horse
ranches, almond orchards and orange
groves that are marked features of the
Salt River Valley, Arizona-this is the
latest addendum to the popular desert
camp life which is proving such boon
to people who need the outdoor living to
build them up.
Boys temporarily disabled by over
zeal in study or athletics: pale, weak
and anemic, yet anxious to keep up
their class work, have found an al
fresco school life where development OF
Drawn goes on with that of brain, an
attractive and delightful prescription for
"how to get strong and be contented
while getting so .s
One of the young fellows, just out of
the high school, who went last year
from the east profited so well by his
years experience sin Self-reliance and
the ability to fend for himself that at
the close of the school year, in May
last, ne started. with only his sad
die and pack horses for company, for
the long overland trip across the desert.
through the range" country. and over
the Rockies to Denver, cooking and
caring for himself on the way. He re-
turns this fall-brown, robust, keen wit
ted-ready for another year that viii
fully reestahlish his health. and at the
same time finish his preparation for one
of the eastern colleges.
The mise-en-scene of this Queerest of
schools is an interesting one. 1t is sit
uated on the very edge Of the desert.
near the little City of Mesa, which was
first reclaimed from purely desert
about twenty-five years ago, by the
Mormons. who were the pioneers in
opening up these pleasant lands to
civilization. On the east are the Super
stition Hills. around which cluster so
many Indian legends and so many tales
of lost mines. Off toward the north
rise the Mogollon and San Francisco
ranges. and in the distance Four
Peaks looms up. whose snow-clad sum-
mits are the rancher's weather bu-
reau," which he consults to ascertain
whether the valley is to have plen-
tifuI supply of water. Nearer by is the
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1903-10-17
NAUTICAL MIR. BOWSER.
He Might Have Become q Sailor but
for Mrs Bowser.

-
There was a sort of deep-sea roll to
Mr.. Bowser's gait as he came home the
other evening. and there was a sort of
shiver-my timbers look in his eye as
he hung up his hat and overcoat. 1t
wasn't Mrs. Bowser's policy to take
notice of these things, and she had
nothing to say until an hour later,
when a boy left a package at the door
containing a telescope and yachting
cap.
What on earth are you going to do
with those things?'' she asked, as Mr..
Bowser opened the package and placed
the cap on his head.
There is no particular reason for
anxiety on your part" he answered
with all the dignity of a commodore,
as he picked up the glass and sQuinted
at the opposite wall through it.
Have you bought a man-of-war, or
are you going to enter into a contest
with Admiral Dewey?''
Commodore Bowser paced the quar-
terdeck for few minutes before reply
ing and then said:
I have an invitation to take a trip
on yacht tomorrow, and If I like it as
well as I believe I shall may buy the
craft. The doctor was telling me the
other day that what 1 needed was salt
water ozone"
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1903-10-17

you were at sea I'd have you in irons,
wife though you arei"
Never mind what you would do If
we were at sea, but tell me what you
know about marine matters. How
many masts has a brig, for instance?"
And do you pretend that you know
yourself?"
Il pretend, Commodore Bowser, to
know more than you do about such
matters, and haven't got an anchor in
my pocket or Delaying pin up my
sleeve. either"
Mr.. Bowser looked at her in a puz-
zled way. 1t was the first time in his
life he had ever heard her make use of
such terms, and how she had picked
them up was a puzzle to him. She evil
IDENTIFY knew something, or thought she
did and here was the chance to nope
lessly wreck her on a lee shore. A beau
tiful smile covered his face and a
chuckle was heard in his throat as he
softly sat down on a chair and said:
VERY well. We will discuss a little.
What question did you ask?"
II asked how many masts a brig
had?"
Il answer that brig has three masts.
and I ask you in return what the bin
nacle is and where situated? Come, now,
show your smartness."
After you have shown yours, my
dear Commodore. A brig has only two
masts instead of three"
What! What's that?"
''Only two masts.''
Are you seeking to deliberately in
suit me. or is it only another sample of
your general ignorance? If you knew
the difference between salt water and
cider vinegar you would know that a
brig has three masts."
Mrs. Bowser took a dictionary out of
a bookcase and showed him d picture
of brig with sails. masts and every
part named. She further brought out
three other books with pictures of briggs.
There were only two masts.
IT'S either misprint or else the pub
fishers of these books are bloody-minded
villains" shouted the Commodore. as he
brought his fist down on the table with
a crash that lifted the cat off the lounge
and threw her on Ter beam ends on the
floor.
I'VE viii let it go at that" quietly re-
piled Mrs. Bowser, You asked me
about the pinnacle. IT is a sort of box
in front of the wheel where the compass
is kept, and at night it is lighted by a
lamp. You are going out to sail on a
yacht Can you tell me what the main
sheet is?s'
of course can Do you take nre for
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1903-10-17

81 was expecting you to develop some
new fad said Mrs. Bowser, but this
is the silliest thing yet. The idea ofyour
going on yachting trip when you can
hardly cross bridge without being
seasick. You'n be lying on your back
the whole time. 1t would be more SEN
sible for you to go and buy a brick
yard instead of a yacht. Brick-yards
don't bob up and down in a gale"
Woman, you will either talk to me
in a respectful manner or retire to
your stateroom!" exclaimed the COM
modore, after casting a look to wind
ward.
IF 1 don't I suppose I'll be court
unartialed and shot. Now, then, you
have got the yachting fad. You have
gone and bought a cap and tele-
scope. There is a hurricane in your
right eye, a typhoon in your left, and
YOU have got studding sails out on both
sides. Let us see how much you know
of the Sailor business"
.sT2y the ghost of Nelson, woman, but
how dare you talk this way to me! If
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1903-10-17
Cause of Lockiaw.

Lockjaw, or tetanus. is caused by a
bacillus or germ which exists plentifuly
in street dirt. 1t is inactive so long as
exposed to the air, but when carried, be-
meath the skin, as in wounds caused by
Percussion caps or by rusty nails, and
when the air is excluded. the germ is
reused to activity and produces the most
virulent poison known. These germs may
be destroyed and all danger of lockjaw
avoided by applying Chamberlain's Pain
Balm freely as soon as the injury is re-
ceived. Pain Balm is an antfseptic and
causes cuts. bruises and like injuries %
heal without maturation and in one-third
the time required by the usual treatment.
For sale by all druggists
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1903-10-17
BOOK NOTES.

The Home" by Charlotte Perkins
Gilman, which Mcclure, Phillips & Co.
are bringing out this month is a book
hkely 10 arouse good deal of discus
sion among students of the problems of
domestic life. Mrs Gilman has made
a very close study of the home. from
the point of view Of its work and its in
nuence, taking nothing for granted. and
beginning at the bottom. The fact that
certain ideals have been held for thous-
ands of years does not deterpher from
seeing the fallacy of them and attacking
them. One of her first conclusions Is
that while the masculine industries
have. in course of time. been orea nized
the feminine industries, represented by
the home, have remained in a state or
decentralization. with scarcely anv
change since the times of savagerv and
barbariSm- One aim of her book is to
show how this untoward condition of
things can be remedied. In fact.
throughout, though she destroys much
that has been held sacred even beyond
discussion, her philosophy is construc-
tive and the conclusions Of her book are
hopeful in the extreme.
Mr.. H.H Bashford, the author of
Tommy = Wideawake" published by
John Lane, whose disciDleshiD to the
Kenneth GTahame cult is apparent in
this, his first book, was born in London
IN 1850. so that he has made his debut
IN the literary world extraordinarily
early IN life Mr.. BashfOrd was edu-
Gated at Bedford school, one of the ex-
cellent English schools. corresponding to
the American high schools, and substi-
tuted for university career two years
OF farming in Canada very favorite
have had enough Of books for the time
being. and have caught the fever for.
colonial life. AS is the case with MANY
sucn roVerss however. Mr.. Rashford re-
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1903-10-17
JOHN LUTHER LONG.
Something About the Philadelphia
Lawyer.Author.

John Luther Long is proving that a
Luther Long is a rising lawyer and
successful writer of stories and plays
Madame Butterfly" published by the
Century company, won him his first
literary laurels. Then came THE
Prince of Illusion Naughty Man."
1.-The Darling of the Gods" that great
theatrical success of the winter of
1902-'93, written in collaboration with
David Belasco, and this fall sixty
Jane" Back in 1901 the New York
Critic asked the new author for some
autobiOgraphic notes. The response
was characteristic but not illuminating
Punctuation and capitalization are Mr..
Longs:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1903-10-17
A Feast
for a.
Nickel!
Special Offer! To an. my, Lad. z VII. who

Special Offer! To any LADY who
for a years subscription to THE LADIES'
WORLD before November IS, 1908, we viii
send the very handsome and specially prepared
November Thanksgiving and December
tChristrlas) Numbers Free, and will date the
subscription one year from January, 1904 She
viii thus be getting the magazine fourteen
months, or until the end of 1904, for only so
cents, our regular subscription price. This is
special offer, and is open to any new sub
scriber who viii send in her subscription before
the date mentioned. Now is the best time to
subscribe for THE LADIES' WORLD. Please
mention where you saw this offer, and ask
for the extra holiday numbers when sending
in subscription.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1903-10-17

training students in the open still holds
good if one would have mems sana in
corpore sano-"
For the coming year a two months
camping trip over the desert and
through the mountains of the Grand
Canyon Montezuma's Well and the
Moqui and Navajo countries is already
proiected--Brooklyn Eagle.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1903-10-17

Agents Wantedl Men; Women. Boys ana eiIls
and solicit subscriptions for The Ladies' Liberal
commissions allowed either in cash valuable preni
ums Wnte for terms and state which you DESIRE Give
IT trial fou VIII hnd this popular magazine strong
subscription gstter. Canvassing eztt FREE to Agents
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1903-10-17
Kansas City and Return $2.7o via
Santa Fe

Account Horse show and Livestock
show Tickets on sale Oct. II to "a in
elusive. Final limit returning Oct. 26.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1903-10-17

Feast? =. Yesl -. A Feast both Salts
flying and Lasting.
A service of wholesome, nourishing viands,
that never pail upon the appetite.
More than 10000 happy home-makers in
America have declared THE LADIES WORLD TO
be a continual literary feast, as they are contn-
ua1 subscribers.
In all of these homes, The LADIES' World
is welcomed as "The Autocrat of the Breakfast
Table,
1t is magazine that gives nourishment to
the mind, strong common sense for seasoning
and palatable preparation for the eye
1t gives just what the home needs to make
it grow and flourish, and is better adapted In its
practical and simple form for this purpose, at a
small cost, than the expensive publications
that cater to the palate while they nourish less
THE LADIES WORLD is high in point of ex-
ce1lence-low in price. A combination of essen
tails rarely met with in the publication field
Many people wonder how such beautiful and
interesting publication be produced at the low
cost of FIVE cents per copy, but judgefor yourself
and see if the other half million people are right
in their praises
s. a MOORE CO., Publishers Dept 1927 City Han Place.
OCTOBER NUMBER NOW READY