davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1903-12-17
New York,s sDiamond Rooms"


Only men and women who want to
purchase an expensive set Of jewels,
say $4,000 worth or upward, get a
glimpse of the diamond rooms" as
they are called, in the big New York
jewelers. shops. Gems worth less than
that usually are kept in show cases and
examined in trays at the counters. But
II a customer wants to make larger
purchases diamond necklace with
pearl pendant worth from $4,000 to
$4,000, for instance-he is shown into
a parlor where he can examine the
Jewels more at his leisure and see the
salesman weigh them on the most care
fully balanced scales. These parlors as
rule are luxuriously but simply fur
nished and are convenient to the safes.
1t is not an unusual thing during the
holiday season for salesman in a well
established store to make three or four
sales a day ranging from $4,000 to
$30,000.-New York Press.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1903-12-17
A Defense Of Slang.

So far from being an evidence OF a
national levity and lack of seriousness
slang is the language of sincerity. 1t
is the result of an instructive effort TO
get as far away as possible from every
thing like pretentiousness. 1t is the
antipodes OF bathos. 1t is the Ian
guage Of the whole people, because II
is expressive of the national sense Of
humor that is never so keen as when
it contemplates with joy likewise
unutterable the spectacle presented by
a fake exposed. 1t is blunt, it is crude,
1t is brutal sometimes, but it is always
sincere. 1t directs against the citadels
Of evil the mighty enginery of laugh
ter. 1t does for our nascent abuses
what the mordant satire of Martial and
Juvenal failed TO do for decadent
Rome-Professor Herman Spencer in
Booklovers' Magazine.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1903-12-17
Crossing the Feet.

Physical culturists say that the prac-
tice Of sitting with the legs or even the
feet crossed is a bad one and has more
to do with cold feet than most persons
imagine. It has this result principally
through impeding the circulation of the
blood in the leg that is crossed over
the other. The femoral veins are
cramped, with the consequence that the
blood is damned back into the feet and
above the knee, inducing as well as
cold feet varicose condition >in the
veins of the calves. Another reason
why the habit should be discouraged is
the fact that on general physiological
principles it is healthier to sit squarely
with both feet resting upon the floor,
whereas with the legs crossed the
weight of the body is thrown almost
wholly to one side or the other.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1903-12-17
Didn't Like Changes,

'FI'm a man." said the old farmer to
the druggist after having purchased
quantity of strychnine to kill off rats
"Im a man who don't like changes.
When l git home 1 shall say to the
old woman:
"'Martha, here's the strychnine to
kill off the rats, and you want to be
careful of it,
"'Where shall put itY she will say.
"'In the same old place-right along
side the bakin' powder. We've bin
keepin' it there for thirty years, and
you've never put it in the pie crust or
biscuit by mistake, but if we hide it
away upstairs or down cellar or out to
the barn one of us will be sartin to
take it for epson salts before the week
is out and git a heavenly hustle on
u.s. detroit Free Press.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1903-12-17
His study of the Heart.

In his memoirs Adolf Kussmaui re-
lates a curious story of a Heidelberg
banker. This banker was known for
his naughty, forbidding manners; con-
sequently DR.. Nuhn, the professor Of
anatomy, was much surprised one day
when the banker came and sat with
him in railway car and, after pleas
ant chat, asked him all sorts of ques-
tons, especially about the anatomy Of
the heart. The next day he even called
by permission in the medical depart
ment and watched the professor dis
secting one of those organs. Then he
drove home, and a few hours later 1T
became known that he had committed
suicide by skillfully plunging dagger
into his heart.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1903-12-17
A Diplomatic Answer.

Snow, how old do you think I ann"
coyly asked literary spinster of a
man whose unfailing courtesy was sup
plemented by his wit on many occa-
Sions.
''My dear lady, that is a hard ques-
ton for one who can scarcely remem-
Der his own age" said the man eau
tiously, "and in your case it is par
ticularly difficult, for you look five
years younger than it seems possible
you can be when l consider what a
wonderful amount you have accom-
plishedy'
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1903-12-17
whistlinr For wina.


No sooner had we rounded the cape
chan the wind dropped and we nearly
came to a standstill. Our "kamudi''-
|. e., captain and steersman-did the
best he could Go for us, but in vain.
We were doomed to drift about some
hours without much progress. He
would whistle softly and enticingly or
would change his tone and with pouted.
lips whistle angrily and viciously for,
the wind that would not come to help
US on. l have often wondered what
can have been the origin of whistling
for the wind. That the custom is Of
undoubted practical utility is the firm
belief of many races of Seafarers, from
the English sea captain to the humble
Malay kamudi. l was on one occasion
very roughly spoken to by captain in
the Irish channel for casually whistling
in q gale of wind. He thought it a
piece Of gross carelessness on my part
which might lead to serious conse-
quences. Here in Celebes, too, l was
warned to be careful not to laugh when
the kamudi screwed his face up into
an intensely ludicrous expression Of
feigned passion and whistled angrily
for the wind to come, for the Malay
seaman's belief in the efficacy of this
mode of raising the wind is a serious
one and will not brook being made an
object Of derision. Soon after midnight
a favorable breeze sprang up, and by
sunrise we were passing the little is
lands of Ganga and Tindela.-Sidney
]. Hickson in "a Naturalist In North
CeIeheS"
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1903-12-17
Army Firing Positions.

Standing, kneeling. sitting and lying
down are the four positions prescribed
for firing by the army regulations.
The lying position alone is prescribed
for the 800 and the 1000 yard ranges,
while at all the other ranges up to
1000 yards the lying and sitting posi-
tons are used. At 100 and 200 yards
the sitting and standing positions are
prescribed. Wherever the sitting posi-
ton is prescribed the kneeling may be
substituted. but for the majority of
persons the sitting is by far the better
position of the two
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1903-12-17
Out of Tune.

A piano tuner employed by city
firm was sent to a certain suburb to
tune piano. He found the instrument
in good condition and not in the least
need of attention.
A few days later the firm received a
letter from the owner of the piano, a
lady of musical intention, stating that
the piano had not been properly tuned.
1t was no better than before.
After receiving a reprimand from his
employer the hapless tuner made an
other trip to the suburbs and again
tested every note, only to find, as be-
fore, no fault with the instrument.
This time he told the lady SO.
EYES," she said, cit does seem all
right, doesn't it, when you play on it,
but as soon as begin to sing it gets
all out of tune again."
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1903-12-17
Javanese Music.

The Javanese musical instruments
are made mostly Of bamboo. They also
played upon a pipe or whistle, which
inches across. This sounded like the
hollow roar of lion. Another was a
bundle of tubes of different lengths,
which covered the small boy who car
ried it like a big saddle. A log hewn
out with two strings stretched across
it served as a drum. A either Of six
teen strings and a mandolin of two
completed their outdoor band, while
inside one could hear other music made
by gongs of wonderfully pure and
beautiful tone.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1903-12-17
A Donkey Decoy.

A traveller in central Africa tells of
native hunter of the Wanderobo
tribe who was the possessor of most
accomplished donkey. which, with an
antelopes horns strapped to it's head,
its body covered with skin or painted
to resemble the animal it's master in
tended to stalk that day, was the
means of deluding many an unwary
creature into falling a victim to the
poisoned arrows Of the hunter crouch
ing behind his four footed assistant.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1903-12-17
A Family Picture.

Copley, the English painter, was COM
missioned by a wealthy Bristol mer-
chant to paint the latter and his wife.
"But want to have my deceased wife
introduced as WELL" he said. The or
der was filled, but soon after the pa
tron, half in mourning, half in wedding
splendor, hurried into the studio. Il
have had the misfortune to lose my
second wife," declared he. II wish to
have included in the portrait the lady
who now takes the head Of my table"
The three wives are in the picture.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1903-12-17
A ChiId's Logic.

A story illustrating the severe logic
Of some juvenile minds is told by the
mother of the four-year-old girl involv-
ed. One day this observant miss saw
a lame man on the street and asked
her mother what made him walk so
queer. The mother told her it was
because one leg was shorter than the
other.
"Well," she said, "there is a girl
around the corner who is that way"
After a few minutes meditation she
remarked:
Mamma. wasn't it funny that God
didn't give the two long legs to the
man and the two short ones to the
girl Y'-Baltimore Sun.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1903-12-17
How Did the Turtle Find His Way.

How Did the Turtle Find His Way!
The rocks at the west coast of the
island Of st. Helena abound with sea
turtles, some of them as heavy as a
man, and an English steamer once took
aboard several dozen of those sea mon
sters. intending to deliver them alive
to provision dealer in Liverpool.
But before they reached English wa
tiers one of the turtles was taken sick
and was flung overheard after having
been branded with the name Of the
ship. Next year the same steamer
came across the same tortoise on the
coast of st. Helena, more than 1000
miles from the point where the home
sick creature had been flung back over
board.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1903-12-17
Labeled the Girls.

A good joke was played on the girls
recently by the young men of certain
town. The boys had been rather remiss
in their attentions, and the girls de-
cided to show their independence. Con-
sequently five of them hired a box at
the theater and made very charming
theater party.
The play was Wanted, a Husband"
and the girls sat serene through it all,
never dreaming that the enemy had
fastened one Of the posters, WANTED, a
Husband" round the box so that the
audience might read.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1903-12-17
Made Matters Worse.

81 am the unluckiest man aliven'
"What's the matter?'
'Why, heard that she was engaged,
SO went round and proposed to her so
that she wouldn't think had been tri-
fling with her."
Sand wasn't she engaged?"
eyes, but she broke it off. She said
my love was more sincere than the
other fellows"
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1903-12-17
From a Society wOman's Diary.

My milliner gave me a shock today.
when" said she, docs your lady
ship intend paying me what you owe
me-"
The ungovernable curiosity of low
born women! 1t made me blush for
my SEX
/ was not unkind to her. But
deemed it my duty to chide her. and
when she spoke rather petulantly,
thought of starving recommended
her to cultivate poise-Life.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1903-12-17
The Persian Way.

They have curious methods in Per-
STA of insuring law and order. A fail
ure Of the crops had resulted in a dear
loaf, which much enraged the popu-
lace. In order to quell the tumult the
shah ordered number of bakers to re-
ceive several hundred strokes with a
rod, besides a few minor little atten-
tons, such as the amputation Of an
ear or two.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1903-12-17
Horse Same a.. Nau

"One of mans best friends is the
horse"
Eyes," responded the man with the
race track habit. But did you ever
notice what terrible faculty your best
friends have of disappointing you in
an emergency Washington Star.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1903-12-17
At the Retention.

"I'm anxious to get the names Of all
present" said the reporter. "Will you
oblige me-
"Oh." said the meek man, you may
put down Mrs. Henry Peck and hus-
band.'"
"You mean MIR. and Mrs. Henry
Peck don't your
81 would prefer that" he replied,
with a furtive glance over his Shout
der, "but for goodness sake don't say
1 gave it to you that way"
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1903-12-17
APPREHENSION.

"Why, yes; my boy is quite In
genious-in fact, he is so interested IN
machinery that Pm afraid he may be-
come an inventor"
"AfraidY
Eyes; because, you know, if he should
invent anything of value the chances
are a hundred to one that somebody
else will make all the money out OF
n."-Iudge.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1903-12-17
UnprofitabIe Bother.

"Dear meY' sighed Mrs Oldcastle.
81 don't know what we are to do with
the hoi polloi"
"Josiah," replied her hostess, want
ed to have ours put in box and set in
the library window, but just told him
we'd have new ones set out next spring
If the frost killed them Chicago
Record Herald.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1903-12-17
SiIenced Mamma.

SNOW" said the anxious mother,
''you do not want to marry that re-
porter. Think of having a husband
who never gets home until or 8 in
the morning."
But" said the shrinking maiden,
"aren't all husbands like that? Papa
is not reporter. and-and yet
But the anxious mother declined to
listen
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1903-12-17
Not Necessarily Fatal.

almost from his boyhood," said Mr..
Upmore, who seldom boasts, "our
Johnny has been ambidextrous."
"My boy used to be troubled good
deal that way when he was little" re-
marked Mr.. Gaswell. eve always
gave him castor oil for t."-Exchange
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1903-12-17
wanted the Limit.

Jones-If Mr. Oldboy makes any such
assertion l will denounce him as liar.
President-Mr. Jones, | call you to
order. Our bylaws do not allow you
to go that far.
Jones-Then I call Mr.. Oldboy liar
as far as it is permitted by the bylaws
Of this association
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1903-12-17
Great Scheme.

"Have you decided yet upon a name
for that new suburb Of yours?"
Eyes. / am going to call it Lookout"
81 can't see anything striking or orig
inal about that"
"You can't. Think how everybody in
the train will run to the windows when
the brakeman calls out the name of the
station. "-Chicago Tribune.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1903-12-17
Letting Him Down Easy.

81 have very unpleasant duty to
perform" said the chief 1.-The man.
agement desires to dispense with your
services"
The Office boy heaved a deep sigh of
relief. "GeeT' he said. 81 fought for
a minnit youse was goin' to fire me."-
Cincinnati Commercial Tribune.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1903-12-17
Mixed Qualities.

Pahson-Brudder Bakers got some
good p'ints. He tends church and
c'tributes gen'rous to de suppoht OBJ de
gospel. But he's got some woful bad
habits too. He plays craps an fills
hisself VIII intossicatin' stimbulants.
Deacon-Dat's err fack. His good i'm
pulsions am done Offset by his bad
observation-disclosures City Journal.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1903-12-17
The Happier Man.

A north Missouri paper asks, "Who
is the happier, the man who possesses
100000 or the man who has seven
daughters?' To which another ex-
change replies: "The man with the
surplus girls. of course. The man with
the money is not satisfied and wants
more The man with the seven daugh-
tiers is satisfied. He has enough.-St.
Louis POst-Dispatch.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1903-12-17
Took Her Part.

''Why, Johnny. am ashamed of you.
How could you take little Ethel's half
Of the apple away from herT'
"'Cause. ma, amt forgot what you
told me-to always take sisters part"
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1903-12-17
Her Stains.

"Why do you still call her fin de
steele grip"
"WhatS the matter with thatw
"Why, since that means literally the
end Of the century girl it was only
used in speaking Of girls toward the
close OF the last century"
'Well, that's when she was GIRL
Philadelphia Ledger.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1903-12-17

When Nine. Roland was on the scat
fold she asked for pen and paper to
note the peculiar thoughts that lowered
pity they were refused. for in tran
gull mind thoughts rise up at the close
of life hitherto unthinkable. like blessed
inward voices alighting in glory on the
SUBMITS of the past.-Goethe.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1903-12-17
AImost a Love MATCH

Ethel-What dowry did the Prince de
Rataplan receive from Gwendolyn's ia
Their?
Jean-Not more than 100000. You
see, 1t was almost love match.-New
Orleans Times Democrat.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1903-12-17
Considerate,

Consequential the things you
wash are torn to pieces.
Washerwoman-Yes, mum, but when
a thing is torn in two or more pieces,
mum, I only charge for them as one
piece, mum.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1903-12-17
The Retort Sarcastic.

Spartacus-What would you advise
as the most effective disguise that I
might assume for the masked ball to-
night?
Smarticus-You might put on an in
telligent look.-Baltimore American.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1903-12-17
al Hisforic snof.

Husband-Are you aware. my dear,
that on this grassy spot began war
that lasted ten years?
Wife-Why, John, 1t was here that
you proposed to me.
Husband - Exactly; just ten years
ago.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1903-12-17
Her Helm.

''He would have run through his for
wife,
"How did she prevent it?"
'She spent it herself"
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1903-12-17
A Provident Mind,

He-I think I'll go and speak to your
kick me out
She-It seems pity to risk it, dear,
in that good subtitle.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1903-12-17
This Is a Fancy sketch.

Mrs Wiggles-Can you let me have
50 to do little shopping with?
Mr.. Wiggles-Certainly my dear. but
I am afraid that 81 will not be enough.
Here is twenty dollar bill.-Somer-
vile Journal
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1903-12-17

No doubt we ought to love our work,
but sometimes it seems about in the
same category with loving our enc
mies.-Puck.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1903-12-17

Remember you must die. Let this
not startle you. but let it soften you
while there is yet time to do some
good In the ld.-Schoolmaster.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1903-12-17
UnfavorabIe Conditions For study.

Hazel came over tonight to study
with me-" explained Dorothy.
"And did you do much studying?"
well. we would have if there hadn't
been so much to talk about" Chicago
Post
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1903-12-17

The man who takes all his money
when he finds it won't buy him a re-
served seat in heaven.-Boston Repub-
lie.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1903-12-17
Original and Sudden.

Camera Fiend-Shall take you. Miss
Passee?
Miss Passee-Oh. you original man!
How sudden.-Houston CTex.) Post.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1903-12-17
The BEGINNING.

'How many stars can you see?" she
asked.
''Two more than you," he said.
asked.
81 can see your eyes," he said.
And that was the beginning of it ALL
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1903-12-17
The Scientific Rehun.
Are YOU ever rnde2

IEaDeI-ATe you ever Tuue!
Dorothy-Oh, yes. One has to be
rude now and then to teach other peo-
pie manEers.--Detroit Free Press.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1903-12-17

Prejudice squints when it looks and
Hes when it talks-Abrantes.
Bryan morning eagle. [volume] (Bryan, Tex.) 1898-1909, 1903-10-13
TWO MILLION DOLLARS.
Conservative Estimates Place Lose;
at These Figures.
WORK rs IMPOSSIBLE
Thousands sof Men, Women and Chill.
dren Gathered at Paterson Fac
tories 20 Resume Labor,
but 10 No Avail.

Paterson, ". J.. Oct. i2.-Nearly two
entire wards. taking In the manufac-
turing sections have been under water
since last Friday. Monday morning
thousands OF men. women and children
employed In different mills and facto-
ries FOUND they could not 90 to work on
account Of those places being shut
down. A great many OF these people
have also been driven from the upper
floors OF homes and have neither food
nor shelter. The heaviest damage In
Paterson was to manufacturers. At
present II IL impossible 70 give an ac-
ourate idea OF the total loss. but con-
servatlys estimates are about g.. .000, 900.
Police and fremen have been steadily
engaged since Saturday morning IN the
work OF rescuing families from upper
floors or roofs of houses In the flooded
districts. Monday rain continued TO fall
and there did not seem TO be any chance
for further damage being done unless
another severe storm should set In.
There are still many blocks under water
and an examination OF flooded districts
can not be made until the water disap-
pears. Health authorities have a difii-
cult task before them devising means
70 prevent an epidemic Of sickness In
The flooded territory. People who were
forced to leave will not be allowed to
-eturn until the districts are put In
anitary condition.