Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1903-01-21


So Polite.-He-Won't you sit in this
chair, Miss Spooner? Miss Spooner-
After you.-Punch.
"Are you familiar with the motives
of Jigganini's new opera?" Eyes; he
needed the money."-Puck.
Nodd-"How did you come out of
that scrape with your wife," Todd
-"As usual, apologized for being
right. "-Brooklyn Life.
Fudge-"So you have given up smok-
Ing? Did it take much will power to
do it?" Judge-"No; 1t was won't
power."-Baltimore Herald.
Not to Escape.-'What did Miss An
tique do when she was finally success
full In finding man under her bed
send for policeman" NO; she sent
for minister"-Judgc.
II wonder what he'd do II lie could
see himself as others sec for about 4
minute" "Pshaw! He'd say he was
jealous of himself and go 1t in the
same old way."-Chicago Tribune.
Spoke From Experience
haven't seen you for some time. Poet
No. Fact is, have become good
deal Of n recluse lately. Friend-I
feared rs much. How much do you
owe?-Tit-B Bits.
Doctor-Your temperature Is up to
one hundred and seven. Auctioneer
Observation-Disclosures an seven! Hun
dred an seven! Going, going ut hum
dred an seven! Who'll make 1t hun
dred an eight Chicago News.
A Change.-"Well." said Noah, MS he
hunted for dry spot on the top of
Ararat, "a lot of people came down to
the pier to josh us when we started,
but don't see any of them around to
poke fun at our home-coming."-Life.
Hamley-You seem interested in the
horse show; have you any entries
there? Phamley-Well-er-yes Ham
ley-Prize winners? Phamley-I hope
SO. They're my three eldest daugh-
tiers, and all riageable.-Philadel-
phia Press.
Son of the House-Won't you sing
something, Miss Muriel? Miss NJ
oh, daren't after such good music
as we have been listening to. Son OF
the House-But I'd rather listen to
your singing than to any amount Of
good music!-Punch.
II don't suppose he meant anything
unkind," said the young woman; but
it was very startling coincidence"
what do you mean?" just before
Harold and got married Ills friends
persuaded him to join don't worry
club. "-Washington Star.
"Well, WE'LL" he exclaimed, as he
tackled her first pot-pie, where did
you get this?" 81 made that out Of
Mrs. Shouter's cook book" replied the
young wife; its n -" "AhH he
broke in. this leathery part is the
binding, suppose."-Phllaielphia
Press.
"If one would hear really fine mu-
sic," said the Wagnerite. lone must ex-
pect to pay well for It," THAT'S
right" replied Hauskeep. Nov. was
listening to some music to-day that
was great, but expensive-a couple of
tons of coal rafting into my cellar."'-
Philadelphia Press.
II 3 --r--
.'And when you marry" she softly
said, 81 hope yon'll remember to invite
me to the ceremony" He looked
thoughtful. 1T will be awfully crowd,
ed, no dnpb,," he said, but think
can ring you In somehow" And mo.
ment or two later she declared the ring
was an astonishinsly good ft.-Cleve-
land Plain Dealer.
I'm SO glad the boys of your COM
pany gave you that handsome revolt
YER" said the wife Of the militia COM
pany; .'wc need have no fear of the
burglars who infect the neighborhood
now" That's So" replied tile cap
tain; I've got It locked up in the safe
at the office, where they can't get ut
it.'-Philadelpha rress.
81 wish,' said Senator Sorghum, pen
sively, that you would refrain from
circulating these reports that am
| willing to pay for votes" do you
deny tile charge?" THAT has nothing
to do with the case don't want ev-
crybody who might be willing to vote
my way to feel that he is wasting
money! Washington Star.
In a Fix.-''I knew man once who
didn't believe in swearing, and he
came home one day to find all the
water-pipes frozen, two of the chill
dren down with measles, the cook
gone, together with all the spoons, and
his wife's ri.'h aunt come to make a
visit" what on earth did lie say?"
HE said. oh. udge.r"-Washingto
Times.
Light in Darkness. A Frenchnan
was paying his first visit to London,
and was walking through Hyde Park
OH one of the many foggy metropolitan
mornings with an English friend.
Fog! Ha, ha. mon, frcn." calculated
| the Frenclman; NOW understand vot
set on your dominion. Ma foie. 1t does
not ise.'-Toledo Blade.
Nothing New.-A gentleman teleg.
raphist "called" a young lady operator
in another office repeatedly without re-
Spouse. AT last the click, click"
came, and lie telegraphed back We
hemently: II have been trying to
catch you for the last half hourm The
maiden wired back: That's nothing!
There is young man here who's been
trying to do the same thing for two
| years, and he hasn't caught me- yetv,-
Tit-Bits.
The World Must Not Know.
The great Duke of Wellington, whose
watchword was duty to his sovereign
and the English mutton, was a soldier
first, last, and all the time. Such, too,
he wished to appear. His Jealous care
of his reputation, us fighting man is
amusngly disclosed In Frederick
Goodalls recent book of "Reminis-