The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1903-01-04
Studies in Natural History: DOROTHY DIX.

WRITTEN FOR H SUNDAY REPUBLIC.
The old maid-this curious animal Is so
exceedingly shy and has such a fear of man
that it has been found impossible to get
1 close enough to one to collect any authentic
data concerning the species.
1t is known. however. that they exist in
all parts of the world, though their chief
habitat Is about Boston. where large herds
of them may be seen at the mother con-
crosses. female clubs and symphony con-
certs.
Whether the old maid is the same animal
| that is described by recent discoveries as
| the girl bachelor has not yet been definitely
| ascertained, although it is believed by most
| naturalists that they are different species
| Of the same class. as both are spinsters
| genus Getleftibus) and exhibit many SINH
| lar traits: e. G.. a downness on men. a fear
| Of mice. u propensity to look under the
bed. etc.
The general appearance of the old maid
| is not what would be called ravishing. as a
rule. and this may. in a manner. account
for the superficial Investigation that scien-
lists nave made of the species,
One curious fact that has been noted in
this connection. though, is that the genus
runs to extremes in the matter OF flesh, and
are either animated skeletons or perambu-
lating feather beds.
They also exhibit a peculiar primness In
their attire. with a pronounced tendency to
wear short skirts. whether their feet are
built that way or not. but they eschew low
necked evening gowns. for which. doubtless.
there are sufficient reasons.
Physically 1t Is claimed that they have a
power of vision that enables them to see
things whether they are there or not. and
Ii is believed that they possess greater
length of tongue, with more action to 1t,
than any other known animal: but as these
deductions have been made by men who
have not brought to the subject that love
and alteration that should ever character
ize the true student. they should be taken
cum Crane sails.
In her habits the old maid exhibits a sim
gular degree Of erraticnsss that frequently
suggests the forlorn wanderinss Of a dog
without a. master.
Although generally 4 creature OF much in
teiligence. 1t seems to possess no instinct
Tor happiness. or of even making Itself
physically comfortable.
Left alone. it will subsist on a diet of tea
and toast and health foods. II also has a
propensity to hunt up trouble. and seems
to delight. in strange tortures, such. az go
Ing to Wagner festivals. studying The phil !
osophy of Materlinck and making flannel
petticoats for the heather. |
Careless and inaccurate writer's have ad- ,
vanced the statement that another habit of
the old maid was going about from house
to house collecting and disseminating gos-
sip. This appears to he one of the tradi-
tons. like that of the cat having nine lives.
held by the ignorant and vulgar. which is
not borne out by facts.
On the contrary, those privileged to view
this interesting creature at close range de-
clare that 1t is perfectly harmless and finds
ITS chief occupation in running the church.
club meetings. and advising wo-
men how to manage their husbands and
keep them from smoking in the parlor.
The chief characteristic Of the Old Maid
is its mania for reforming things. This is
constitutional and is born in the creature.
What a red nag - to the mad bull. 81
indulgence IL to the Old Maid. 1t
cannot see any one having a hilarious time
wanting to butt in and stop it.
This causes large numbers Of them to
band together In Anti societies. where they
solemnly swear never to Drink, Che To-
bacco, Smoke Cigarettes or Swear aSain.