davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-11-22
Making Things Pleasant.
Some men are ugly, mean and cross
 Around the house; they growl g

Some men are ugly, mean and cross Around the house; they growl an
 troWn;
 Each likes to show himself the boss, So puts his foot severely down. They seem to think fellows wife Should listen, tremble and obey, That causes much domestic strife 1 Always let mine have her way. I never kick about the meals; I've found it doesn't pay to kick. l know just how d woman feels When we begin her flaws to pick. If she prefers to gad about l would not tell her home to stay. The wisest thing without a doubt Is just to let her have her way. She's not one of the shrinking sort; She has d tongue and knows its use A rolling pin as a retort She'll throw without the least excuse And so l never say her nay, But to her little whims l bow; l always let her have her way Because shed take it anyhow.
 Chicago News.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-11-22
DEATHS COMING IS EASY.
Those Who Repose on Calm Banks
 Do Not Note Its Approach,ssf sfssi

Those Who Repose on Calm Banks
 Do Not Note Its Approachs
 No matter what form death assuEie1 it is never welcome The grim messenger makes his appearance in many forms *n the anthracite mines of Pennsylva but only one form is painless and pF ant. and 10 only one the victims go un- consciously. It is the death of the burn ing culm bank, F
 Many times during the year is such death recorded when one of these great culm banks is burning. The fire is not seen in tho day time and at night it shines only with a faint glow through the layers of ashes which separate the live COalS from the outer air.
 TO these burning banks tramps and other unfortunates forced to spend a night in the open air, 80 when the nights grow chilly The warm breath of the culm lures them on with a promise of a warm bed for the night. and they lie down to sleep in the comfortable at mosphcre of the bank and never open their eyes again
 The noXious gases emanating from the bank wait over them softly that they are soon asleep and in many cases they never awaken. being suffocated during their slumbers.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-11-22
Curious Old English Law.

It is interesting to recall in connectic with railway accidents that only a fe years back any instrument which by al cident was the immediate cause of To: of human life became in English Ia 'deodand'-that is become forfeit to Il crown, to be devoted to pious purpose This law applies to locomotives, but course of time coroners' juries, instea Of claiming the forfeit. inflicted fin' So recently as the year 1888 locomotiV on the Liverpool and Manchester lin which, by exploding, caused the death it's engineer and fireman. was fined pounds. while the following year anoth' engine of the same line was fined 1,t pounds.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-11-22
Married Twice in Five Minutes

Nbiene Chronicle.
 \ young man from San Francisco met his atiidnccd bride in Abilene by appoint- ment, They went to minister and were married With the usual short ceremony As the groom drew q roll of bills from his pocket to pay the preacher. the we'd dlng ring. which he had forgotten, fell 10 the floor. The bride looked at that ring respectfully, though she said nothing of her disappointment at not being wed- ded bv the ring ceremony. The preacher caught her look however, and told the couple to stand before him Then he mar red them all over again using the ring ceremony to the very palpable pleasure
The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-11-22
What the People Drink.

Somebody who has been computing the quantity of the liquids consumed by the American people within a twelvemonth has found that we drank last year enough teaA aACoffee. wine, beer. liquors and othel beverages to cover an area of land two lake large enough it was suggested, to float several navies of the size of our own. The amount of alcoholic bevera Ecsi alone which were necessary to satisfy Lne national thirst during this period would fill a canal 100 miles long, loo feet wiGe and 10 feet dccD
The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-11-22
IT IS TO LAUGH.

The newspapers Of the country are stlll roasting the President for jumping Gen. eral Wood over a large number of other officers to make him General of the Ar mics. Incidentally, they are roasting Wood himself, as well as some of those who are instrumental in promoting him over so many officers who had performed real service in battle, which Wood never did, barring a little experience with his Rough Riders in Cuba. And in connection with this promotion, which make the whole matter ridiculous. One of these exposures, We regret to note, reflects on President Mckinley, who or- dered or directed that a medal of honor be bestowed on pr. Leonard Wood for meritorious services in the Apache cam paign." To add to the absurdity of the proceeding, Secretary of War Alger. in an official order bestowing the medal. said:
 For several weeks, while in close pur- suit of Geronimo band and cons .anIly ex- pecting an encounter, Ass4stanL Surgeon Wood exercised the command of ue- tachment of infantry to which he re- quesLed assignment and that was then without an officer.
 In order to appreciate fully the utter ridiculousness of this medal business, it is necessary to refer to an act passed by Congress in 1883 authorizing the Pl esident to present medals of honor to officers or prlvates who had most distinguished themselves, "or who may hereafter most distinguish themselves in action" Bear in mind that this honor to Wood was not for services in a battle. He may have been a good army surgeon, bravely if called on, but he had never been tested. He obtained command of q detachment of the soldiers who were in pursuit of Geronimo, and we may as- sume that he would have done his duty if opportunity had offered, but the fact remains that he was in no battle. In short, he received medal of honor be- clause he was in command of troops and constantly expecting an encounter" l This precedent opens up a new field for the exercise of official partiality. If objection is hereafter made to the be- stowal of honors, medals or promotions, 1t will only be necessary to allege that the prospective recipient was at some time in a position where he expected an encounter. It matters not if he never heard the deep diapason of the cannon s roar the shrill tenor of the death dealing shell, or the musical alto of swift-passing bullets; 1t matters not if he never smelled the battle from afar or stood on its peril ous edge-all makes no difference, pro- vided he has at some period of his life been where a conflict was expected. That places him in the ranks of heroes and makes him worthy to wear the medal of bravery in action. Only think of the Cross of the Legion of Honor or the Vic- toria Medal being ostentatiouSly pinned on man who had never been nearer a battle than an expected encounter! Is not the whole thing ridiculous? And is not Government hard put to it when it ennobles such men and puts them in com mand of all our armies over the battle scared veterans who won their fame in actual conflict? It is typical of Repub- lican Government under an Unbalanced President.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-11-22
How He Found It Out.

Boston transcript.
 Munster-You know what a fellow Plumbet has always been to delve into the hdder mysteries of life and eternity? ? Wardle-Yes I never met his equal
 Munster-Well, he has succeeded in his quest at last He knows it all now
 Wardle-You don't mean it!
 Munster-Yes, it occurred to him to ask his son who has just graduated from col lege
The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-11-22
Persistence May Finally Win

Indiana poIs News.
 Mir. Richardson's bill to place all trust made articles on the free list and to ro- duce the rate of duty on all articles man ufaCtured in the United States and sold more cheaply abroad than in this country will probably not make much headWa 7 this session, but there is nothing like con- tinuous buclIing of the line if any gain is ever to be made
The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-11-22

Indianapolis Journal
 The Universalist Church through Its general convention, has followed the eA : ample of the EpiscOpalian Church in talk ing strong ground against the divorce evil. It Is to be hoped all churches and organs of public opinion will take similar acton. The evil is a serious and menac- ing one and mas been permitted to grow too long
The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-11-22

The President is fond of quoting Lin coln, but there is a portion of one of the latter's speeches that is in these words:
 am not. nor ever have been, in favor of bringing about in any way the social and pol4tical equality of the white and black races; l am not, nor ever have been. in favor of making voters or. jurors of negroes, nor of qualifying them to hold othce. or intermalry with the white pop ulation; and l will say in addition to this, that there is a physical difference between the white and black races which I be- lieve will forever forbid the races living together on terms of social and poIti ca4 equality And inasmuch as they can not so live while they do remain together there must be the position of superior and Inferior and I, as much as any other Anan, am in favor of having the superior sosition assigned to the white race.
 Teddy should memorize that extract, even if he is afraid to use 1t publicly.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-11-22
The Cheek Next.
Mobile Item


 The grating of another mans ear upon the head of a wealthy man in New York has been attempted. If this proves suc- cessful 1t will then be in order to ann putate some of the cheek of ce. tain people who have superabundance. and appor- ton 1t out among cvermodest newspaper men.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-11-22

Social affairs in New York are moving up, or down, depending on the point of view. They had Dowie, then they had a dog show, then a rather rattling wedding and next a beauty show. The next sten is anxiously awaited.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-11-22
snIis and s,,bstantial.

The appended statement of The Advertisers circulation for the month of October shows not only a most satisfactory state Of analrs so far volume Is concerned. but goes further and proves exclusively that the clientele or Alabama's Only Metropolitan Newspaper is both solid and substantial. The Advertiser maintains that its circulation exceeds the ac- tual issue of any other two Alabama morning newspapers combined-And the statement re- mains unchnllenged. .
The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-11-22

Vegetarian-Dont you know that the strongest animals are all vegetarians, the elephant being the most powerful? Car nivorous Friend-Thats all right. If they able to stand a vegetable diet.-Boston Transcript.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-11-22
A Doubtful Pleasure.

Prattville Progress.
 Affairs political seem to be shaping themselves to pit Grovsr Cleveland against President Roosevelt for the next campaign. If Cleveland should become the choice the Republicans vii experience the peasure in a conpagn that rests under doubt until the votes are counted
The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-11-22

The engagement is off. He was calling, and she pleasantly said: Il sang into a phonograph today" Indeed" he replied, 1nnocently; ''I suppose you broke the re- cord. ."-Yonkers Statesman.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-11-22

That Missouri editor who declared that 1t is time for every citizen to get to- gether" didn't make such a bad bull. Sometimes it is a pretty hard job for a man to pull himself together, especially next morning
The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-11-22

-I can't help it if the men all turn and look at me; can I, dear? Miss Cuts-No 1 suppose not, since you can't see that your hair Is falling down your back, darl- ing-CIncinnati Commercial-Tribune.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-11-22

Pardon me, gentlemen" said the in- dividual who had just moved into the lit- tie town, as he entered the grocery store. but is there a chicken-raiser here?'' Why don't you take an axe?" asked the village Talleyrand. "A razor will lose it's edge if you use it on a chicken. Judge.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-11-22
Natures Own Jewel,

Alexander City Outlook
 wrinkle may be better than dimple," says an exchange This may De true of men folks, but draw the line at the gentle sex. A dimple is natures own jewel to her. Her dimple beats any new wrinkle
The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-11-22
It is Natural,
Birmingham News

blrmlngham News.
 IL IS notable fact that since Roose- welt has been President more cranks have caIled to see him at the White House man nave pursued any other two Presi- gents. The public may draw its own in
The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-11-22

Encouragement.-Pupil (after repeated attempts)-Oh, I'm sure I never shall be able to! Professor-Oh. yes, you will. was just as big a donkey myself at first Punch.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-11-22
A Girls Privilege.
New York Press.

New York Press.
 When two men want 10 marry the same girl she can have lots of fun fooling each about the other, while she is getting ready to marry somebody else.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-11-22
Newspaper Waifs.

Small Boy-Mamma says you are a very rich man. The visitor-Your mother eX- aggerates, Willie; I'm not so very rich. 'Ain't you rich enough to go to hell?"- llte,
The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-11-22

'I suppose links is proud of his boy, but he hasn't taken the usual way of showing his friends that he is" What do you mean?" He hasn't told them that his son Is so big for his age that he has to get suit made for 14-year-old, when he is only Il. I."-Cincinnau Times-Star
The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-11-22

The Boston Journal informs us that George Fred Williams has been doing a lot of thinking" It must have been a severe strain on his mouth.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-11-22

The Norfolk Landmark smackingIy claims that Underwater Virginia is not only the cradle of political and re iglous liberty. but the time -honored gathering place of all that is most successful in the way of successful 'eatings.'" It is pleas ant to see an esteemed contemporary claim everything when it starts out
The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-11-22

The Memphis News has settled on Judge Parker as the man and its main reason as we understand It's arguments, is that Parker can harmonize Hill.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-11-22
OCTOBER. 1908.

P j. Kelly. Circulation Manager of The Montgomery Advertiser. being duly sworn says. The foregoing statement Of The Adver- tiser's daily circulation for the month of 0c. tober, 9o3, is true and correct. and compiled after all returns from newsboys, news agents and leftover copies have been deducted.
 P. J. KELLY. Circulation Manager; Sworn to and subscribed. before me this stn day of November, eo3. F. ". JACKSON
 ISeall N. F., Ex-o. J. r.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-11-22
What Would Happen.

OooSa ArBuS.
 What would happen if Teddy got hold or a lot of that food discovered by a chicago professor which doubles the size then be big enough to hold him.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-11-22

The Minnesota Judge who decided that tobacco is not a necessity never used it or never had to go without 1t after be. coming habituated to it.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-11-22
Why It is Silly.

Brooklyn Life.
 she-I think it's so silly of lovers to, quarrel
 He-Yes, the making up is so expensive
The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-11-22

The Washington Post asserts that Panama is now free and independent state" That is just what is yet to be settled, if we get it straight.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-11-22

If something should detain MT. Bryan in Europe till after the national conven- ton how could 1t be pulled off?
The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-11-22

of the young woman. As the pair left the parsonage the groom was heard to say: Well, guess we got all that was
 coming to us that time"
The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-11-22

If people would only say what they think there are some who wouldn't do very much talking.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-11-22
QUININE USERS.

Get to Be "Erends" Tor the Drug
 Winch Helps Them Little. New York Press.
 IIabitual users of quinlne are slaves to it, but derive little benefit from it. Men with malaria eat it by the ounce and still keep the malaria. The world is full of qulnine drunkards, who pour a spoonful into the palm of the hand and lick it down without grimace. I have seen them chew cinchona bark as one chews gulf. Others, not habituIted, must take
The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-11-22
The Divorce Evil.

The cold snap was slow in getting here but 1t hit us pretty sharp rap.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-11-22
y V v y v & A < < < < x S & y & <
 & WHAT THE STATE PAPERS x & ARE SAYING. < Y & v 1 & .& .1 .4 .& < < .& < I .% & y
The Baddest King.

Birmingham Ledger.
 King Leopold, the baddest king alive, is coming to see the St. Louis Exposition and to learn any new bad habits that our boys can teach him.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-11-22
Mucch Obliged.
Leighton News.

LeIBHIOn NeWS,
 Government officials have discovered a new counterfeit $500 note. Our editorial brethren are warned to be on the look denomination.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-11-22

Miss Pechis-I have already said mo
 to make myself plain, although 1 have tried. Percy Vere-Ah! you couldn't do that, no matter how you try, Miss Pechis. Miss Pechis-Weli-er-o course l shall always be glad to have you cal upon me, MT. We're e.-Philadelphia Press
The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-11-22

''The trouble with the average Ameri- can" remarked the placid philosopher, lis that he doesn't stop work long enough to digest his food He doesn't appreciate the importance of the alimentary canal. " My friend,' replied Senator Sorghum, as he hastily signed another letter, there S no use in trying to ring in any new ones. It'll be either Panama or Nivaragua, or none at all. ll."-Washington Star
The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-11-22

City subscriptions should Do paid to the fol. lowing authorized collectors only: e. T. Calm City Circulator; z. L. Eason, J. O. Jones. J. M. Ashley and W, & Duncan. collectors. and at the counting-roon.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-11-22

In Edgar A. Poe's poem, ''Lenore," the following lines occur:
The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-11-22

Teddy should memorize that extract even if he is afraid to use it publicly.
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1903-07-09
One Recommendation.

The members of a political party in
certain county were holding conyen
ton to nominate a candidate for treas
urer The leading aspirant was man
who had formerly been noted as base
ball player. He had made a great rec
ord as a batsman, but was VIGOROUSLY
slow In running bases.
The man who had placed him In nom
ination made speech eulogizing him
as a man and citizen. He was fol.
lowed by others In the same vein, ard
things seemed to be going smoothly
enough when one of the delegates rose
and said:
"Mr. Chairman, are good men SO
scarce that we have to choose base
ball player for the most important of.
fee in the county, involving the han
ding of hundreds OF thousands OF dol
larsY'
'Mr. Chairman" replied the original
mover '1t is true that the candidate
have mentioned was ball player, but
let me ask you, Mr.. Chairman, Is there
a man here who ever saw him steal
even a base?"
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1903-07-09
A Terrifying Hat.

When the French artist BENJAMIN
Constant was travelling In Morocco he
was invited by the sultan to present
himself at court at Fee. The New
York Staats-Zeitung says that the
painters first thought was In regard
10 his costume.
Court" In Europe was one thing; In
Morocco IL was likely to prove some
thing different. There was nothing to
do. however, but to wear his ordinary
evening clothes. He was ignorant or
the fact that the Moors look upon black
garments as very vulgar, and 1t was
only after his arrival that he learned
his mistake.
The courtiers smiled openly; worst
OF all, they sneered. The painter was
a man of hasty temper, and suddenly,
nettled by their insolence, he closed
his opera hat and sprung IT open In the
faces OF the jeering crowd. They scat
tered, yelling with surprise and fear.
The sultan heard the noise and de-
manded the cause. After he had seen
and examined the wonderful hat he
gave this oracular opinion:
'If l had lived hundred years In
Tour country and adopted all your 9TH
er customs I could never have brought
myself to set on my head so hideous
a contrivance as that!
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1903-07-09

Physicians say that certain diseases
follow the changing seasons with al
most clockwork regularity. Thus acute
rheumatism prevails from February
till April, infiammations of the lungs
from March till May, stomach and in
festival complaints in August and
cholera from August to October. On
this basis some hygienists classify dis
eases into summer, fall, winter and
spring diseases. This classification is
supported by many facts which show
that weather changes really exert pow
erful influences upon health and dis
ease. To cope successfully with these
changes and their harmful influences
daily exercise In the open air in all
kinds of weather and at all seasons Of
the year is the best preparation. This
toughens the system and Is at once
prevention and cure.
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1903-07-09
ALTON .MOsELEY

Weather warm and good hsyine
weather
WIN Condor and wife visited Keene
friends Sunday.
f j. Mason's Fourth OF July dance
was well attended with ls6 number:
sold. Reported to be the most enjoy
able dance ever held there.
The 4th OF July gathering at Weekes
grove was we'll attended.
Vim. Condon's team ran away one
day last week at Parnell and now he
has buggy to repair.
July Fourth was enjoyed by most Of
the Altonites. Some stayed at home
while others went out in the country,
Frank Keech and wife attended the
Mason dance Friday night.
Heavy rains at Parnell the Fourth
Regular pour down.
G. Il. Porter and Ed. Ring are re-
Smuggling John Wingier's house.
The masons have finished plastering
Day Condon's house.
Ralph Ford has painted the store at
Moseley.
Parnell farmers and Grattau citizens
are elated over the prospects of the
electric and Pere Marquette roads be-
ing built. Where, oh, where is Mo
seley.
Mrs. Otis White and grand children
visited at Jas. Gahau's Sunday.
Sammy Vandenbreck has new
carriage.
Wheat harvest is near at hand with
the prospects OF big yield per acre.
We have been away from home the
past week and did not get many items
for this week.
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1903-07-09
GRATTAN.

The electrical storm of July 4th dis
abled several telephones here. The
rain fell In torrents at p. m.
j. A. Lessiter sold two year old
steer TO Frank Randel weighing 1910
lbs.
Mrs. Fulver's father C. p. Phelps OF
Cedar Springs who is with her is very
sick, DR.. Morris OF Bedding was tele-
phoned for Monday.
Mr.. and Mrs. f. Il. Spencer and
laughter Maude of Bedding passed the
Fourth with DR.. Spencer and family,
enjoying picnic dinner at Stocking
Lake.
MIR. and Mrs. Frank donovan enter
tanned Il large company OF relatives
aud frieeds the Fourth, having a good
Did time celebration, also fine picnic
Inner under the trees. We learn
there was also picnic at Ponds grove
on Mrs Hende lighters farm.
A goodly number OF the Bedding peo-
pie celebrated at Wabasis club house.
Skillful cooks dispensed a sumptuous
bill OF fare. and after the evening
shower abated u fine display of fire.
works was enjoyed. The new building
for sleeping rooms will be finished this
week.
}. |. Week, now OF Seymour, Ind,
manager OF the Union Lumber Co. is
with old home friends here for few
days and attended the regular session
OF the F. & A. M. lodge July OF which
he was w. M. for three years. Mr..
Weekes was greatly surprised when in
1ehalf Of the lodge he was presented
with fine Past Masters jewel, appro
priately engraved az a token of the APP
probation CT his labors with them. Il
is needl, s. 10 say this souvenir will he
highly priced nv the recipient.