The Barre daily times. (Barre, Vt.) 1897-1959, 1903-11-24
A DOGS TALE
Dr MARX TWAIN

From Harper's Magazine For December.I
My father was a ST. Bernard. my
mother was a collie, but / am a Pres
byterian This is what my mother
told me. do not know these nice dis
tinctions myself 80 me they are only
fine, large words meaning nothing. My
mother had 4 fondness for such. She
liked to say them and see other dogs
look surprised and enyious, as wonder
ing how she got SO much education.
But indeed It was not real EDUCATION;
it was only show She got the words
by listening in the dining room and
drawing room when there was com
pany and BIZ going with the children
to Sunday school and listening there
and whenever she heard q large word
she said it over to herself many times
and so was able to keep it until there
was d0gmatic gathering in the neigh
borhood: then she would get it off and
surprise and distress them all, from
pocket pup to mastiff, which rewarded
her for all her trouble. If there was i
stranger he was nearly sure to be sus-
picious, and when he cot his breath
again he would ask her what it meant.
And she always told him. He was
never expecting this, but thought he
would catch her. so when she told him
he was the one that looked ashamed,
whereas he had thought it was going
to be she.
The others We're always waiting for
this and glad Of 1t and proud Of her,
for they knew what was going to hap
pen. because they had had experience.
When she told the meaning Of a bic
word they were all so taken up with
admiration that it never occurred to
any dog 70 doubt if it was the right
one, and that was natural, because for
one thing SHE answered up So prompt
w that It seemed like dictionary
speaking, ana for another thing where
could they find out whether it was
right or not7 For she was the only
cultivated dog there was.
By and BY. when / was older. she
brought home the word "unintellee-
tual' one time and worked it pretty
hard all tic week at different gather-
ings, making much unhappiness ana
dependency. and if was ait this time
that | noticed that during that week
she was asked for the meaning at eight
different assemblages and flashed ont
a fresh definition every time. which
showed me that she had more presence
Of mind than culture though said
nothing Of course
She had one word which she always
kept on hand and ready, like d life
preseryer, a kind Of emergency word
to strap on when she was likely to ret
washed overheard in a sudden way,
That was the word Synonymous
When she happened to fetch out long
word which had had its day weeks Be- |
fore and its prepared meanings gone to |
her dump pile, Il there was a stranger
there Of course it knocked him groggy |
for a couple Of minutes, then he would /
come to, and by that time she would be
away down the wind on another tack /
and not expecting anything, SO when |
he'd hail and ask her to cash in | 1.-THE I
only dog on the inside OF her game
could see her canvas flicker a moment /
but only just moment then Il
would belly out taut and full, and Size
would say, as calm as a summers day,
"Its synonymous with supereroga-
ton,' or some goddess long reptile of
word like that, and so placidly about
and skim away on the next tuck, per-
fectly comfortable, you know, and
leave that stranger looking profane
and embarrassed and the initiated
Stating the floor with their tails in
lnison and their faces TRANSPORTED
With holy joy.
copyright, 1908. by Harper's Magazine.l 1