West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1903-06-11
THEY ROAST OUR BOYS.
kingvood Danssls Think the Local
swains Very Slow.
Marriages very Infrcquent and Race
Suicide Inevitable.

"rhese guys around Kiugwood are too
SLOW TO stop quick 20 exclaimed Mabel to
a bevy of as handsome girls as ever ,ightened
a corset lace. There was chorus Of sppro-
val when she made the remark. The
''bnneh" was standing in front OF Court
Square, near the Soldiers Monument aud
as they talked the crowd grew There were
Mer,ie, Clara. Mahetabel. Annsbel, Maxine,
Frances, Venus, and Strawberry.
"Think of !, 20 said tall graceful blonde
as she flushed up vita indignation. ..These
boys, or young men as they cali themselves,
think they are H. but I don't, for they
never take the girls any place and haven't
enough speed to star, top or blow on,
candle. Talk about race suicide Why
what's TO hinder the entire Kingwood race
from being exlerminated when our young
men Won't pop the question:"
"Right you are" answered the old girl"
"When my crowd was holding sway here
We did have fun. There were parties,
dances, receptions aud Sunday afternoon
calls galore in the winter season aud pienies,
outings, camping parties and hammock
scenes in the good old summertime.
Now what is there The young men
nowadays think more of a handmade
cigarette or bit of corner grocery gossip
than they do of a pretty vivaeious girl. Why
the gang of fellows in Kingwood now don't
know what fun is"
Come down to my house," spoke
charming plump dark maiden, sand we will
finish the discussion over some fine lemon
ade. There Is htlle use 10 stand here apd
ornament the street."
by this time there was a dozen Jolly.
pretty, well-dressed young women, and they
all went down 10 the Brunet,e's and had
good time. AS they went they passed
three different bunohes of fellows who we've
huddled together on steps of business places,
squirting tobacco juice aud telling yarns
They ogled the maidens as they passed.
some few raised their hats but all we're too
slow TO stop the crowd and propose dice
cream for the gang"
When the glasses were podueed and the
happy dozen were comfortably piled about
the porch on sofa cushions, the task was re-
sumed. a tall willowly creature who could
play the piano, make dress, win at dupli-
cate Whist, cook a meal OF lead the German,
proposed this toast
Here's to the Kingwood snails,
Slow as the siage-coach mails,
With collar and cane,
They give us pain,
God bless 'em.
Here's TO the Kingwood men,
FuSsy as farmyard hen,
But selfish and cold.
And never oEce bold,
God save 'em.
Here's to the Kingwood girl,
Velvet cheek and golden curl,
Pining for pleasure,
Plenty of leisure,
God save us.
The whole bunch burst into merry ha
ha when the willowy girl concluded her
toast.
'Really girls, this is serious question.
Here we are only twelve out Of hundred
Of young women of this town and guess
the entire hundred are good To look at aud
yet how many Of Us have beaux Thus
spoke the youngest maiden. you see. " |
continued the maiden. ''we can't very weiI |
SO after these fellows for the old grannies
in front of IIerring's store would gossip /
about US and call us ''fas, " But let's do |
something. Why The only social event Of
the spring was given by married couple |
and then nine-tenths of the "gallants" |
skipped Of home by themselves "
Suppose we organize Suicide Club, |
get the young men to join without put
ting them wise, and then elect every man as
victim and give HIM the alternative !
death OF marriage"
''rhat sounds plausible" bubbled a I
Strawberry Blonde" bu, you can bet your
last new pair Of silk stockings that every |
mothers son Of 'em would choose deaih. /
Why these boys Of ours are eheminaie or
something. They blush like school girls !
aud stand off from the girls like sissies. 7 |
tell you they don't want our company"
'Lers import some young men," sug.
gesied petite girl with form like Venus
de Milo and face like a Madonna.
"Pshaw That's no good. Why. haven't |
We got half dozen young lawyers from
elsewhere I'll admit they do some better
than our natives, but they TOO arc fast
dropI log into the same habits Of ionocuous
descuiude. Rats I'm sick Of the whole
bunch"
The lemonade was finished and lhs girls |
became hilarious They marched Mp town
singing;
ilail, hail, the gangs All here.
What fell do we carc'
What Tell do we care
They passed a row Of ten Or fifteen young |
fellows who IN looks and appearance did /
not diher from oiher American manhood,
bat they merely shook their heads and |
murmued, "weii, II our sisters we're out in |
= mob like thar VIC would send them home.
Poor dcluded fellows The girls we're
driven 70 a little wholesome hiianiy because
of The absence Of other proper smusemenis
and every young woman 10 the crowd is as
good as an angel. Yet slowness begai sci.
hshness, and selhshness begst clanoisbness.
and he i.ffet heoaf ooeafr -Thc L .......s. |