The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1903-10-28
HE DIDN'T WANT TO RUN
SINGULAR CIRCUMSTANCE AT.
TENDING THE ELECTION OF
CORONER WALSH.

oner, barney Muglnn, was man
named Walsh. Hc.was telling me the
other day about the singular circum-
stances attending his election to the
Office
"You know" said Mr.. Walsh, that
didn't want that position. When
they talked of nominating me | told
them. says |: It's no use; you needn't
elect me: I'm not going to serve.
D'you spose I'm going to give up
respectable business to become
kind of state body-catcher? Dycu
imagine I'm going to occupy
my time skeeting about over this coun-
try mauling dead people, and plung-
ing things into them, and setting on
them to find out what killed them?
Well, just amt. I'm no professional
corpse-investigntor. I'm down on this
post-mortem foolery. anyway. | don't
intend to spend my life rassling with
bones lying all around the state.
There's no sense In II. Why don't you
chuck them into the sepulcher and
be done with It? When a mans
bowed up with gunpowder and comes
down in mincemeat it dsnt interest
me to know what killed him; so you
needn't make me coroner. for | won't
serve
We'll sir, do you believe that those
fellers persisted in nominating me on
the Republican ticket? Yes, they did;
actually put me up as n candidate. SO
| published letter declining the
lat oil ha1
the lnsuffcrable cheek TO keep me on
uie ticket and to hold mass meetings.
at which they made speeches in my
favcr | was mad as thunder about 1t,
because 1t showed such scand lous
disregard of my feelings; and so |
chummed in with the Democrats, and
for about two months | went around
to the Democratic mass meetings and
spoke against myself and in favor OF
the opposition candidate. l thought
had them for sure. because | knew
more about my own falllngs tnan those
other fellers did, and | enlarged upon
them until | made myself out-well,
| Just heaped up the iniquity until
used to so home feeling that was q
thought | was before. 1t did me good,
tco. reformed. I've been a better
man ever since.
Nov, you'd "a thought people
would "a considered me pretty fair au-
thority about my own unfltness for
the Office, but | hope may be killed
and eaten If the citizens of this coun-
t,. 10
elect me by about eiglt hundred ma
icrity They did, indeed. | was the
worst cut-up Of any man you ever saw.
! had rcpeaters around at the polls,
] too, voting for the Democratic candi-
date, and / paid four Of The judges to
| falsify the returns SO as 10 return him.
| But 1t was no use; the majority was
| too big. They had me in hole. And
| on election night the Republican eX-
ocutivc committee came around to
| serenade me, and as soon as the band
| struck up | opened on them with a
| shotgun and wounded the bass-drum-
mer in the leg. But they kept on play
| ms, and. after while, when they
stopped, they poled som congratu-
latory resolutions under the front door
and gave me three cheers. and went
| home. | never was so annoyed in my
lie.
Then they sent mo around my
certificate of election; but refused to
| receive it, and as sure as I'm alive
those fellers grabbed me and held mo
while Bill Harner rammed that certin-
| NJ
they all quit. The next day a man
was run over on the railroad and they
wanted me to tend to him. But |
had my mad up and | wouldn't. So,
what does the sheriff do but come
here with a gang of police and carry
me out there by force. And he scared
up a jury, which brought in a verdict.
| Then they wanted me to take the fees
but I wouldn't touch them. said
wasn't going to give my sanction to
the proceedings. But of course, it
was no use. thought | was living in
a free country, but | wasn't. The
sheriff drew the money and got man.
| damus from the court, and he came
here one day while / was at dinner.
| w NiiNu 1 Ndlu NOuluH IOuCl Il CDl'
lar of it, he drew a pistol and said
If / din't take those funds he'd blow
my brains out. So what was q man to
do? | resigned fifteen times; but
somehow those designations were sup.
pressed. | never heard from them.
| Well, sir, at last l caved, and for three
years kept skirmishing around per.
fectly disguated, meditating over folks
that had died suddenly, and inquiring
about Old, dilapidated cadavers that
were picked up in various places.
"And do you know that on toward
the end Of my term they had the face
to try to nominate me again? It's a
positive fact. Those politicians want