The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-01-12
CPittsburg Dispatch.)

(Pittsburg Dispatch)
TWO bears. one real and the other
an impersonation, looking for the
president, were features of the Grid
iron club dinner at Washington a few
weeks ago. says the Pittsburg Dis
patch
The guests were informed by enc of
the bears that they were from Mis-
sjssippi. AS Ire president had not
found them they desired to find the
president.
This mild alIusion to the presidents
hunting trip pleased the executive i'm
mensely. IF they call on me-" said
Mr.. Roosevelt, I can do something for
the real bear which l cannot do for
the im9ersouator"
And what is that?" asked the gen
tleman who had told him about the
dinner.
IN give him a cabinet position"
explained Teddy, smiling, and then by
way of explanation. added, after he
is stuffed"
Cambon's Little Joke.
NJ Jules Cambon, the former French
ambassador, who sailed for home
short time ago, had a great regard for
the energy of the United States. He
desired TO see this country prosper
Gus, for" said he, when you have
money you buy from US who have
goods to SELL
When the successful tests of the Hol-
land submarine boat were called to
NJ. Cambons attention he declared his
disappointment.
Y grieve.' he remarked. You
Americans usually are fair in every
thing and deal with others above board.
But now l observe that you Will,
when necessary. have no hesitation in
employing underhand methods or go TO
the uttermost depths in accomplishing
your desires"
Greeley's Strict Rules.
AS an editor Horace Greeley had
become wearx of the constant repe-
sentences. One issue of his paper in
particularly exasperated him. Almost
every item had it's opening paragraph
begin with the" This lack of judg-
ment on the part of his writer's in
the choice of words received attention.
Greeley wrote note This notice he
requested to be posted in the edi-
torial room and caused copies of it
sent to correspondents. The order
read:
Under no circumstances must the
word the" be used in the opening or
subsequent paragraphs OF a news arti-
Gle. In sentences within a paragraph
it will be tolerated with moderation.
If you cannot write a paragraph with
out the to open it, omit"
One day, shortly after the issuance
OF his new rule, Greeley entered the
editorial room in a hurry
How is il that We have nothing in
today's paper regarding Hollands atti-
tude toward the policy of the north2'
he asked of his editor who had charge
o. the foreign news.
This editor was aware that he had
omitted an important news item which
, at the time he considered unimpOrtant.
: But he was resourceful.
Your rules and orders are positive,
Mr. Greeley. are they not?'' asked the
editor.
Certainly shouted the famous
scribbler.
The Hague for the date line in the
Holland dispatch without violating
your positive order"
Mr.. Greeley was beaten, but he NUT
tered. If you fellows could use Judg-
ment there would be no need for rules -
Got Rid of the Spooners, But
When electric lights were first in
/ PRODUCED in Milwaukee," said Captain
Fred Pabst to a company of friends
who were discussing the worlds prog
ress. "a friend Of mine hailed with
/ pleasure the prospect of having an arc
lamp near his home
This corner has become a regular
nuisance, said my friend Lippart.
Young couples gather here night after
night; they giggle and giggle and spoon
and spoon in the darkness-as d result
I have chronic nausea. Electric lights
viii dispel this nuisance
= fuh
u more secluded corners. But instead
or warm evenings came mothers with
I crying infants, iulling them to sleep
while they consoled each other on the
difficulties of raising children. The
I lights also attracted bugs and bats.
These pests annoyed Lippart and he
had TO keep his windows closely
screened.
I suppose. Lippart.' I said to him
one day, you now are rid of your
spoons and nausea
Yes, he answered gloomily. but in
stead / have to contend with bawIs
and bats
Reed Halted the Car Hog.
Il wish said New York street car
conductor the day after Tom Reed
death, that We had more men to travel
on these cars of Mr.. Reeds build
A strange assertion considering the
/ lowing explanation was made by the
| collector Of fares:
When near the end of the line. peo-
pie begin TO Chamber on the car before
We have time to turn around. This
makes it difficult for the people in the
car to oct out Premature crowding
/ also is an injustice to those who COM
/ ply with the rules of the company and
wait until the terminal is reached. The
street car hog is a brute development
and we conductors are helpless to stem
/, their onward rush for seats.
Mr.. Reed was on the car one even
/ ing. just before we reached the end
OF the line he got up. buttoned his over
coat and walked out TO the lowest step
on the rear platform There he re-
NAMED. Again and again the street
car hogs attempted to board the car,
but bumped up against the great
statesman and fell off Some lost their
hats. others were fumbied into the
street, but none succeeded in boarding
! the car Al the end of the line, tas
firHefrKf ma F1ry..r..s -oa ~