Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1903-06-10

>o-~>~~o~.S
Upholsterer-'sAre you in a hurry
for this sofa, miss?" She-"Oh, l would
like it before tonight
Would-be Artist-Did you get any
thing for your last poem? Ditto Poet
Yes, got many happy returns.
Jill-Why do so many little men
marry big women? Jack--They don't
The big women marry the little men.
Her Father-But can you support
Estelle? Enamored Youth-Can II
Why have held her on my lap trio
hours Mt a time.
Young Tutter Ito hostesS-T have
had very pleasant evening. But then
always manage to enjoy myself no
matter where am.
HE claims to have invented cam
era that makes people prettier then
they are" "How's that?" by simply
making the lens flatter."
A man never knows what little In
fluence he has with his women folks
until his daughter falls in love with q
man he can't approve Of.
Customer-I want a ton Of coal.
Dealcr-Yes, sir. What size? Custom :
er-Well, If it isn't asking too much,
I'd like to have 1000 pound ton.
Teacher-Now, Freddie. what Is
volcano? Freddie with great conf
dence)-Oh, know that! It's noun
tain that Interrupts all the time!
Clara-Does Harry help you with the
house cleaning? Harriet-Well, he
hangs the pictures crooked and does
the grumbling. detroit Free Press.
You say there's n man at the door
wishes to see me. Does he look like
gentleman?" "Nell, not exactly like
gentleman. sir; just something like
yourself"
"Who can tell me the meaning of
leisure?" asked the teacher. Its
place where married people repent"
replied the boy at the foot of the class.
Philadelphia Record
II can't say that like Paynter's pic
lures. Perhaps its because don't ap-
preciate them" II don't know. It's
either because you don't appreciate
them or because you do"
Hell hope you are better to-day.
thought you were not looking we'll
when l was at your house Yesterday.
She-I had rather bad headache, but
1t passed off soon after you left!
II understand Dashleigh's uncle has
died. leaving him fortune" Yes,
he has received great many congrat-
ulations; why, even his tailor sent him
bunch of forget-me-nots yesterday"
"Ah," lie sighed, II was happier
when was poor "Well," they an
swered. coldly. cit is always possible
for man to become poor again." But
somehow the Idea did not seem to inn
press him favorably.
Mr.. Gaswell--"No, didn't take
lease of that ground for the new build
Ing. The agents asked too much money
for it." Mrs. Gaswell--"But didn't you
tell me they offered to mark 1t down
to ninety-nine years ?'-Chicago Tri-
bune.
A mean fellow: a Georgia exchange
has discovered the meanest man In the
United States. 1t is said that he pump
ed water on his head let his hair freeze,
and then broke it OF, rather than pay a
barber for cutting EAtlanta Consti-
tuition.
you can never run the mill with
the water that Is past" we remarked.
| trying meanwhile to look extremely
wise. mo; but you can put up andeA-
er mill further down stseam." retorte&
the get rich quick MANI with consider.
able Impotence.
Grandma was showing twosrear-old
Helen the picture OF a yosIas-in indy In
evening dress. Isn't she n pretty la
dy?" said grandma. yes replied the
tot. Pretty hair. dot bracelet on
her arm" then she paused, looked at
the picture seriously. and added, SOL
EMMY. IAN she's all ready for bed,
dranmaw-Homc Science Magazine.
Sis Hopkins-"Alis' Lummis. ma
wants t. know 4 you can let her have
cup o sugar. two eggs, m few
raisins, N some flour. Oh. yes!-'n' a
little butter" Mrs. Lummis /
never! Sis Hopkins, You go home n
tell your mother l said IL she'd wait
| till l had time t make it. she could
come over III take the cake."--Phlla-
delphia Bulletin.
"Tell me what people read and will
tell you what they are" said the self
confessed philosopher. We'll. there's
my wife," rejoined the dyspeptic par
ty. "She's forever reading cook books.
Now, what is she:' why. n cook, of
course" replied the philosophy dis
penser. That's where the spokes rat
tie in your Wheels" said the other.
"She only thinks she is"
Bessie" said the teacher to small
pupil, "can you tell me what memory
is?" After moments reflection the
little one replied Memory is the
thing people use to forget things with"
The Stranger-"And SO you are
named George Washington. the same
as our distinguished President?" The
Colored Porter-"Yaas, sub. but has
differunt birfday, subj
"Thomas," said the boys father.
"you told me you had only one rule in
grammar to learn this evening, and
that you could learn it in three min
utes." Ives, sir. and l did" said
Thomas. stoutly. Then what are you
studying now, at the end of an hour:"
asked his father. I'm only half way
through the exceptions" said Thomas,
dolefully.-Youth's Companion
A Disappearing Paper.