The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1903-12-03
THE NONPAREIL MAN

Excavations at the Old Homestead of
Abraham Bring to Light His Clothes
line, Lawnmower and other Patriarchal,
Brio a. Brac. - SnoWshoveI and Other
interesting obJets dart Found =
Diaboical Receipt for Making a Person
Say "No. ] Haven't" When He Does
Not Wish to.
Dahmbad, Arabia, Dec News by ma
tive carrier from Badeg states that the
William Rainy Harper exploring expedi-
ton which is excavating at the home of
Abraham has just discovered Abraham's
snow shovel at the depth of eighteen feet.
1t had the remnants of a blue ribbon tied
around the handle and a picture of Min
nehaha Falls had been hand painted on
the blade. The archaeological professor
suggests that one of Abraham's daughters
had had an artistic turn and had utilized
the shovel as ornament for her boudoir
during the warm spell.
The excavations We're begun on Nov 10
by seventeen native workmen who de-
manded four cents a day wages. When
they found that it was necessary to work,
four of them quit. Their places were,
however, soon filled.
The first objet dart disinterred was Abb
raham's clothesline. When that was
reached the sayants knew that the back
yard was only ten feet further down and
everybody set to work with great enthu-
sjasm. At depth of eighteen feet the
laWnmower was discovered and shortly
after the cellar doors which the children
utilized to slide down on 1000 years ago.
Much excitement has been caused
among the Arabs and guard has been set
over the excavation.
The Wonan's Home Companion gives
receipt for making anybody say NO
hav'nt," whether they want to or not.
Suppose the speaker is called a. and the
person who is expected Ito bite" is called
"B'' Then the dalog will go on some
thing like this:
A.-Well, 1 was travelling in Wisconsin last
July. 1t was very hot, and was quite thirsty
restaurant and asked the waiter to bring me
the most refreshing beverage he had He
looked somewhat puzzled, but presently brought
In tray containing glass of iced milk,
glass of iced tea and cup of hot coffee. Now,
tell me which you would have chosen.
B. Cautiously l-Conee
A. Gin apparent consternation)-oh, you've
heard 1t before.
B. (indignantly)-No haven't :
Then you give the party of the second
part the laugh. It's mean trick.
A recent book is devoted to bugs. Bugs
may be interesting, but we are just
well satisfied to know that they are walk
ing on some other fellows collar.
! The French government has a watch
man stationed near Mont Pelee. Possibly
! the volcanoes quietude is due to his hold
| ing his thumb tightly over the top.
The democrats are still looking around
for a candidate. Why not hold the cleo
ton first and choose candidate later?
Eddie Brooks lectured before the Arts
and Crafts society the other night on
'Some First Editions Have Net When
we remembered how the ladies used to
make a rush for Paderewski and try to
get lock of his hair or to kiss him, we
trembled for Eddie
The country need not fear that the SEN
ate will do anything needful. Senator AID
rich is still in his seat.
When the man who pays $40 for his
phone unhinges it and finds Duckie and
, Dovfe doing the long distant championship
googoo he feels the necessity Of controlling
and trimming his English.
Some of the wheat shorts are likely to
pay good premium for the privilege OF
, betting against one of the w1sest fat
boys in that bunch, our old college friend
, Armour. - E4 - $685.. ~
: Uncle Hanna is having the JOYOUS and
5 united help of the regular army in trying
S to split Wood
f Neidermeier. the Chicago boy bandit,
t speaking of the time the ernbattled farm
= ers surrounded him in the cornffeid said
II looked over that corn shock and saw
n them rubes with chin boards coming after
v us, and I thought what's the use OF
slaughtering them poor innocents.
There must be some good in the youth
fud criminal thus to be turned from crime
by few punches of whiskers.
The Mathematical club of the University
! of Chicago has been discussing the pop
ular question: "On the Integration of the
Differential Equation MD X dt2 X P Z
LOO" We have often laid awake o
nights wrapped in thought upon this beau
tifuI equation. In times of distress when
:. the mind has wandered hither and yon
: seeking rest and finding none, the thought
: of Mex, dt2, etc. pdq. has come as
benediction. One night we had just about
n dreamed out a solution for 1t when
. Imathema teal devil came along and slipped
e a radical sign over part of it. and every
n thing was declared off Nothing is so rest
full as little mental exercise. When we
K were young we used to take on Nd \
n dts and their like with one hand tied be
. hind us and one brain lobe not coupled
a on. But we are getting by that period.
v "A. J. r.