The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-06-18

SPARKS
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Robert to the Barn.

anu INTO NLlc morning hours IneN SIOuleQ
an danced and sang
It was Wen along toward daylight when
Robert wabbled away,
And sought the home he had not seen
since early the previous day.
With feet that tangled and twisted he
rambled along his course,
Occasionally meeting the sidewalk with
unmistakable force:
And finally reached the portal which en-
Try gave 10 the mouse,
Where a woman. awake and venSefui
awaited q recreant spouse
The thirteenth grab at the handle pro-
duced a ring on the bell
And with gravity most pOrtentlous he
rang il quite a spell,
Till u dulCet voice from a window upon
the second floor.
In accents soft inquired: Who IS that
down at the door2
M dear. zish ism VT Robert. zish ish y'r
fair-haired Rob,
Who hash not. ash you may suppose. been
out with drunken mob.
have cut out fish bOOzin' game. give
YOU m word itsh true;
Ish wazh strike on street car shE=tem
That KEEP me away from you
Now. Robert, you'n forgive me. but I
don't quite like your talk
/ m sorry ali the cars have stopped, and
that YOU had TO walk,
But I'm from old Missouri, you viii have
You must utter truly rural before you
get in here"
wy cert'nIy. 'tooly Iooral, loorIy tooral
toorIy woor'-why
NJ dear. you make it easy. all feller hash
'Rooly iooral, Wy Elmo trouble make
zish matter right
Come down and open up zish door before
it gets too light
''Ah, Robert. dear. it seems to me that
there is something wrong.
I fear that with the sparkling cup you've
dallied quite too long.
You can't say truly rural; now listen to
me dear.
It's Robbie to the barn TO sleep for you
can't get in here
And Robert to the barn repaired, the
hay was Roberts bed.
And Robert found no towel there to cool
his throbbing head;
And Robert never. win again throughout
Get drunk ana match a feeble wit against
an angry wife
The moral for all boozfng men should not
be hard to find.
The next time that you come home full
bear this one thing in mind:
YOu'H save much time and falsehood py
passing to the rear.
And sneaking to the hay to rest until
your head is clear
Surely no person who might encoun-
ter Mr. BOrdeam's dog would be mean
enough to keep the animal after read
ing the following in the Portland Ar
gus: "StoIe or Rund Away-Been loose
him about tree weeks, hees almost
black and white dog. him tail cut off
pretty close to my body, somebody find
her keep it I belong to him-JOe Bor-
DEAN"
Don't fool away your time learning
something that will never be Of use to
you.
Professor Cooley of the University Of
Michigan advises students to put aside
any present intentions of marrying be-
cause family would take valuable
time and attention away from business.
Now, let Professor Cooley try to get an
invitatio to dinner 1T the White House
A preacher of Peru. Ind, has re-
signed his pastOrate and accepted a
position with a circus. He will lecture
on natural history as visitors pass
through the menagerie. OF course, he
will refuse to be presented to the
young ladies who do the equestrienne
act in tights and will do all in his pow
er to induce the tent men to handle the
canvas without comment.
In Boston a German musician, who
slapped a waitress in the face because
she was slow in fling his order. eX-
planned that in his country a slap in
the face was merely an expression Of
disapprobation and that musicians, be-
ing excitable, were eXcusable when
they made breaks OF this kind As he
affixed d fine of S1G0 TO the musician
the American judge explained that in
many ways Americans fail to appreci-
ate the eccentricities of genius.
A man went to the fishing ground,
And fiShed from morn till night.
And though he tried it all around.
He didn't get bite
4 WISH said he, full YEARLY,
/ I'D never come at all
fish swan in the water cool,
Kept busy stealing bait
And as he robbed that fisher fool
Talked fish talk to his, mate
| Suppose said he, full Joyfully,
He'd never come at all?'
A Servian living in Brooklyn traces
his ancestry back to the first king of
( Servia. but says he has no desire 10
occupy tie Servian throne The gen
tIeman evidently enjoys life
A colored citizen of Baltimore swal-
lowed some shot "to settle his stOm-
ach." as he explained. The remedy can
! be recommended to an VINO Pr, possess sS5
stomachs in need of settling. The cor
Cner's Jury reached a verdict in few
! minutes.
a Philadelphia youth has been ar
rested for exceeding the automobile
speed limit in New York Now let
some New Yorker step up and repeat
the accusation that Philadelphia IS
slow.
A dispatch from Paris says Prince
| Arsene Kara eOrgevitch, brother of the
new Servian king. is a passionate
gambler" Member of a royal family
/ and a gambler? How preposterous!
There are terrible doings in the smart
/ set of Preston, Ida, according TO the
Republican, which says:
Some of the boys have lost their
home. Wonder why?
A Fourth ward young lady is flying
| high with First ward young man.
A Second ward young lady was on
! the war path with her sweetheart last
week.
we note that the grand jury has
! again visited the state penitentiary.
/ That seems to be a hard place to tear
away from
/ It would not be altogether suTpris-
/ ing if some people who have predicted
! for two or three years past that the
| San Pedro road would not be built
should be asking for passes over It
1 before a great while.
Fishing.
Baltimore News.)
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