davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-05-26

the scheme is to have. a census of the Islands taken of all consumers. The con- cessionafre will be permitted to sell only to those who cannot get along without 1t, and then to supply them only with with minimum amount required to satisfy Those who are not fiends will not be given the drug.
 In this manner the Government will be able to learn the number of opium vic- tims in the islands and the amount inn ported and in this way be able to pre- vent the wholesale smuggling Japan mus regulates" the habit successfully In some of its possessions.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-05-26
Went Of too Often.
Mobile Itel

MOblTe Item.
 When Governor Pennypackcr signed the law muzzling the press of Pennsylvania, that the crooks and boodlers of that State might go on with their business unexpos- ed in the public prints, 1t would have been well for him to have muzzled his own bazoo. In this case 1t went of once too often and assailed the social standing of a gentleman, and now Pennypacker Is in trouble. Pennypacker penny wise and gab foolish
The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-05-26

The Birmingham Times holds that "the Montgomery conference proved to be a demonstration that the negroes. the most intelligent negroes in Alabama, are not yet capacitated to participate in the councils of the party. That they are vim dictive, and if given power would ruin us while ruining themselves" That meeting also demonstrated that the ne- groes rule the Republican party as now constituted in Alabama. In other words, certain men control the party and the me- gro and his influence control those men. That seems to be about the size of it.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-05-26

Long ago The Savannah Press called attention to the fact that the. poem, My Wife and Child,' was not written by Stonewall Jackson, but by General Jack son Of Savannah. And yet the verses are ginian's name still attached.-Savannah Press.
 You couldn't head that canard off with squadron of cavalry. It has been ex- ploded by every Southern newspaper which wanted to get the facts but 1t is as full of vitality as one of Milton's an- gels.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-05-26
Would Be a Blessing.
EIba Clipper

ETba CHpper.
 Bryan Is eternally naEging at Cleveland but Cleveland never notices him. Billie is uneasy lest the Democrats nominate Cleveland for President next year. If Cleveland were to be nominated it would doubtless kill Billie, which would be blessing to the country even though the Democratic party should suffer another defeat.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-05-26

A gentleman from Old Point. Va. while in New York was called "a nickle- plated Jackass," by a New York sculptor. whom he proceeded to thrash in the most ap- proved Old Dominion style. We are not surprised at it. There are probably as many varieties of jackass in Virginia as In any other State, but we don't believe there are any nickle-piated ones
The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-05-26

Certain good women who have been holding a convention in Buffalo, N. Y, adopted a resolution asking the Senate of the United States to exclude Reed Shoot, the Utah Senator, from their body Then, to show that there is noth- ing small about them, they resoluted to the effect that the negSoes are treated in a way that is un-Christian like. All of which is only interesting and important to those who resoluted.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-05-26

The Brundidge News made "a yaller journar' of itself last week. so far as its cover was concerned. It's 1s,page special edition was a handsome specimen all the same, with its fine illustrations and in teresting write-ups of it's town. We con- graduate the editor and the paper.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-05-26
The Advertisers Circula. lion craa nos

The guaranteed net paid circulation of the STOW. The sworn detaiied figures for the month of ApriL just passed, empnasize The Aavertiser's ort-rspeatsd statement that its euaranteed net Raid circulation Is greater tnan the actual issue Of any other two Ala Cama morning nswspapers combined. Taking tnis tacts in coAnection with the high class of ths papers rsaders, into consideration, 1t M no wonder The Advertiser prints larger volume of advertising. local and foreign. day oy oay, than either Of its State m5rn.ng con tempoTaraes. and ct q higher rate per inch
The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-05-26

The Eufaula, I. T.. Journal. gets real funny at times. It declares that there is not an intelligent man but knows that Cleveland could not carry a single State in the Union, with the possible exception of New Jersey" Wouldn't that jar you? Even Bryan wouldn't make such an as- sertion.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-05-26
Why Do TheYP

Birmingham Ledger.
 Just as our spring opened honest In jun" Montana caught a snow storm. Wh in the world do people want to live out side Of Alabama, anyway?
The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-05-26
Their Intentions.
Gadsden Journal.

OdUSUeN JOuTTldI.
 There Is no sense in MT. Bryan having his man of The Omaha World Herald write letter asking what the nstentions of the Cleveland boomers are. Their in- tentions are to get their grip on the party organization and swat MT. Bryan where Casey hit the ball.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-05-26
Perhaps He Dosen't

Athens Courier.
 You can hardly enter a crowd of men now but politics Is the theme and you will find usually as many Cleveland men in the gang as all others combined While Grover is the great man that he is claim ed to be by his friends, it Is not generally believed that he wants the nomination or would accept it.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-05-26
Too Many Postmasters.

Ashland Standard.
 There were too many postmasters on the Republican State n,xsc ltiVe Commit tee who feared they would lose their jobs if they stood out longer. against the negro, and so they bowed the knee in obedience to the decree sent out from Washington.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-05-26
Why They Went.

Roanoke Leader.
 It has been said that distance lends enchantment. Perhaps this rule Is be- ing tested by Editor Hearst and Senator German, who have sailed for Europe, leaving their Presidential booms in the hands of the dear people on this side.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-05-26

The Florala News is worried because thero seems to be a disposition on the part of everybody to beat everybody else. Fret not myself because of evil doers." brother. Men have been beating each other ever since Jacob got Esau's birth right.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-05-26

A few Republican contemporaries in Alabama are in state of profound dis gust over the fate of the attempt to or ganize and maintain a respectable party. They will please accept our sympathy.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-05-26
The Greatest.
Pine Belt News.

Cleveland is today the greatest living exponent of true Democratic principles Bryan Is a mere pigmy compared to him. There Is a growing sentiment all over this broad land for the Princeton statesman 1904
The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-05-26
A Pair of Stilts.

Birmingham News.
 Won't somebody present the Hon. Mir Pennypacker with a pair of stilts so there won't be so big a difference between his estimate of ;he Governor of Pennsylvania and the real thing?
The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-05-26

The President has promptly denied that he Is a baby-kisser which leads to the impression that he contemplates visiting a section of the Union where sable kids predominate.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-05-26
The Arkansas At Memnhis.

Memphis. Tenn. May 25.-The monitor Arkansas which arrived here yesterday from St. Louis and is taking on coal It is announced that the warship will not start for the Gulf until Wednesday next.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-05-26
Thrust Upon Them.

Eufaula Times.
 Most men have to work hard for their vacations but certain Washin yton officials are having indefinite leaves thrust upon them.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-05-26

Charles T. Yerkes is said to be very much in love with London, and as far as we are concerned he is welcome to buy 1t and stay there.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-05-26
From away up in Idaho The Lewiston Tribune gives us this:

There is no doubt whatever of the strong trend toward Cleveland at this time The country is understanding MT. Cleveland better now, and is beginning to know the inestimable services rendered by his strong. intrepid hand. But the country probably will not again have the benefit of his direction and his counsel. He could be elected certainly, but he does not want to be elected. The East and South would give him tremendous get enough votes to need counting. The Middle States would be the battle-ground and MT. Cleveland would carry more of them than his opponent. But 1t is not to be.
 It is not certain, of course, that he could be elected, nor is 1t certain that he would get any electoral votes from the West. but he would come nearer do- ing both than would any other sound Democrat.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-05-26

The State of Connecticut. which used to supply the country with wooden nut megs and oats is divided into political towns" Eleven of these towns. with an aggregate population of 467,OOO in round numbers. send 22 representatives to the Legislature. and 157 smaller towns, with an aggregate population of 441IOOO.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-05-26
TUESDAY, MAY 2e, 1903.
SUMMER TRIPS.

When you leave home this Summer. have The Advertiser follow you. Sent by mail to any address, postage prepaid at the toLo"ins rates: ,s One week. Daily and Sunday............S .I5 one month, Daily and Sunday............ -o5 Three months, Daily and Sunday..-..... S5 ForeiEn postage leach month) extra. oo
 Resort subscriptions are strictly in advance order before leaving. r:
The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-05-26
W& a % As 9e @ $ $ & &&&&&%&@ 0 < WHAT THE STATE PAPERS * S ARE SAYING. $ O & E Ie E # $ As < E < Ss # Ss & x 0
 Should Have a Patent.
Should Have

Huntsville Democrat.
 President Roosevelt, for inventing a new political office of referee in Alabama, should be granted a patent.
The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-05-26

There Is nothing quite SO sgd as the laugh that comes from a phonograph
The Montgomery advertiser., 1903-05-26

Editor Metcalfe of The Omaha World Herald, in his screed directed at Norman E. Mack, fires this question which he doubtless considers a facer:
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1903-08-25
Coin. for the Philippines.

One more phase in the substitution
Of American methods. ideas and GUS
toms. both social and commercial, in
the Philippine islands. is about to be
reached. The insular government has
been ordered to prepare for the calling
in Of Spanish and Mexican coins now
in use, and be in readiness to put in
circulation a vast quantity of Ameri-
can coined money. A small quantity OF
silver coins of large denominations are
now on their way to Manila via San
Francisco, but from New York will go
nearly 100000 in nickel and bronze
coins They will be sent to the far
East on the Indramayo. The coins are
packed in $50 kegs. The total number
OF coins constitutes 13,740,0O0 pieces.
Their value is $3O6, 900. All were coined
at the mint in Philadelphia. Their
weight is estimated at seventy tons
Denver News.
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1903-08-25
The GOSPEL of Must.

There is work in the world for the tor.er
dreamer
And the work that's at hand is the
work he should do;
And whether the toilers mechanic or
The, result is the crystallized thing
that he knew"
Let the thing be good thing the world
II bad tbs a pity the tools did not rust,
Good, bad or Indifferent. man is the
debtor
$50 he'll tell you at tlmes) of the Cos
pei of Must
81 just had to do it," cries weak-kn.ed
'Gainst morality's laws. when he's called
"I had tor the borrower says to the
y lender
So do instances rise-there are any
amount
Cruel fate is most kind in providing ex-
For weak. foolish men who lie prons
in the dust
And. while helping the wicked and fool
ish, traduoes
A great and wise message. the Gospel
of Must
The wise man must give of his wisdom
.r to many;
Tho man with great gifts always must
pass them
The good man forbears doing evil to
any
Always must do what's right. and bid
evil begone.
Grim necessity cruelty tries every fellow
Who walks meath her banner. All,
heartless her thrust!
You must do right or wrong! You must
be red or yellow
So the weaklings are Killed by the Cos
. pei of Must!
-Plttsburg Dispatch.
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1903-08-25
Man-Ropins Contest.

Indian races, dances, games. cere-
monies and pipe smoking on Frontier
days at Cheyenne, Wyoming, August
25th, 26th and 27th. Bucking and
pitching contests. roping steers. man
roping. The whole field and track a
seething vortex of whirling horses and
entangling ropes-wild horses, trained
COW ponies and enthusiastic and inter
ested spectators are mixed up in one
vast animated and deeply fascinating
picture. Masque balls each night.
Nothing like 1t ever before witnessed.
For this great western celebration
the Union Pacific has made a rate of
81 for the round trip from Denver,
August 9th only. return same day:
SO August Gath. 25th and 26th, good to
return until August 2Sth. Jri
Special trains August ,26th and eth.
You ought to read the program.
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1903-08-25
WAS THIS DOCTOR A oUAck7
Cured a Patient of HaIIucination by
Clever Trick.

Cured Patient of HalIucination by
a Clever Trick.
We recall the case OF an unhappy
wretch who came to Washington some
years ago imploring the doctors to re-
lieve him of snake which he said
he had swallowed while drinking at
spring and which, as he violently de-
clared, was devouring the coat of his
stomach. One by one the learned gen.
tlemen examined him, satisfied them
selves that there was no snake-as,
indeed, there was not-and sent him
away with the solemn assurance that
he need not worry about it any more.
He continued to worry, however.
and when at last he found a physician
who cared more about results than
etiquette he was on the verge of
actual insanity. This great physician
soon perceived that he had to deal
with hallucination, not snake. and
proceeded accordingly. He employed
a colored citizen and tin bucket.
Two hours in Rock Creek park brought
forth a garter snake of small 'size but
great activity. and az. earnest and in
dustrious emetic did the rest. The
victim saw the snake wriggling in
the bucket and went home happy. 1t
is part of the history of that period,
however. that rf5f physician who
achieved the Gu 4 was loudly de.
nounced as an outlaw, and consigped
to everlasting odium for unprofes-
sional conduct
We Reer heard tnt he lost the
confidence 9fiNs5 psbAc on that ac-
count, however, and as the fame and
the fortunes of medical men are made
by their practical achievements and
not by the approval of their fellow
doctors we rather think he profited in
the eend.-Washington Post.
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1903-08-25
PLAYED DEAF AND DUMB.
But Even Then the LsWysr Did Not
Get Silent Shave,

Get Silent Shave.
Experiments don't always terminate
as expected" said Nassau street law
yer. "This morning I Went to a
strange barber shop, and for the pur-
pose of heading of conversation 1
played deaf and dumb. AS l entered
put my fingers to work and went
through the motion of shaving with an
Affirmative shake of the head; gave
the negative shake as I made the hair
cutting motions, shampooing gestures,
shoeblacking actions and application
Of hair tonic passes.
1.-TWO idle BARRIERS bowed in recog-
milton of understanding me. and took
positions at their chairs, waiting for
me to make my selection. which did
by dropping into the first one.
THAT fellow looks daffy as well
as dumb said the barber who wasn't
putting soap in my mouth.
81 guess he's all right answered
the one who was rubbing in all the
lather on one spot These dummies
always do act queer
"I bet he is too mean to give you a
tip
ne ioohS IL, dHsWereu tHe SHAVER.
He will be bald headed lobster in
side of six months. 1t looks as though
his wife had been playing ping-pong on
his head
"'Sell him some hair tonic replied
the other. I will write and ask him
IL he wants it
"T'll be hanged If you dot I cried
out. Go on with the shave, and let me
yet out of this
"The shave was completed-after a
fashion. and there wasn't word spok-
en- during the rest of the process. The
tip was forgotten.-New York Herald.
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1903-08-25

brane be located in the head or pelvic
organs. the discharge of mucus is sure to
occur.
This discharge of mucus constitutes q
weakening drain: the system cannot long
withstand the loss cf mucus. hence it is that
women afflicted with catarrhal affections OF
the pelvic organs feel tired and languid.
with weak back and throbbing brain. A
course of Peruna is sure to restore health
by cutting off the weakening drain of the
daily loss of mucus.
An Admirable Tonic.
Congressman Mark II. Dunnell, National
Hotel, Washington, d. c.. writes
"Your Peruna being used by myself and
many of my friends and acquaintances not
only as cure for catarrh but also as an
admirable tonic for physical recuperation.
1 gladly recommend it to all persons re-
auiring such remedies. MARK H. DunneIi-
If you do not derive prompt and satisfae-
tory results from the use of Peruna. writ1
at once to DR.. Hartman. giving full state
ment of your case and he will be pleased 10
give you his valuable advice gratis.
Address DR.. Hartman. President OF Tha
Hartman Sanitarium. Columbus, Ohio
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1903-08-25
County EXHIBITS at State Fair.

1t is very important that this county
be represented at the State Fair to be
held at Pueblo, September 14th to
18th. The county commissioners are
empowered by law to appropriate the
sum of $500 for the purpose of making
a creditable exhibit at the State Fair
and power is also granted to appoint
proper person to take charge Of such
exhibit and see that same is properly
displayed at the fair.
Every one is urged to prepare their
exhibits at once as it is only short
time till the big fair opens.
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1903-08-25

MISS NELLIE CURTAIN. 6+6 Pearl
1Nl street. St. Paul. Mimi. head sales
woman in department store writes:
"I have charge of a department In q
dry goods store, and after standing
the larger part of The day. would go
home with a dull ache, generally
through my entire body. used Pc
runa and feel so much better that !
walk TO and from the Store now. I
know Perpna to be the best medicine
on the market for the diseases peculiar
to wca1en. miss Nellie Curtain.
Nothing is so weakening to the human
system as the constant loss of mucus.
Catarrhal inflammation cf Abe -a.cus
membrane produces an excessive forma-
ton of mucus. Whether the mucus MEM
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1903-08-25
III. Debt to the Bible.

A frivolous visitor to the Fiji islands
said to a Eijian chief: st is really a
pity you have been so foolish az to
listen to these missionSafe one
nowadays believes in the Bible" The
chiefs eyes flashed ss~Ae pad: do
you see, that stone? Thete we killed
our victims. Do you see that oven!
There we roasted their bodies for our
feasts. If itihadn't been for the mis-
sionaries and thes Bible you would
have met the same fate"
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1903-08-25
Definition of 4 skeleton

Children of.sn haze ideas that are
correct enough in themselves, but their
lack of language with which to express
those ideas sometimes causes a laugh.
Some days ago two little fellows Of
seven and eight years heard older peo-
pie speaking of skeletons. The seven
year-old boy listened intently to the
conversation. when the elder boy, with
an air of superior knowledge, said abb
ruptly:
you don't know what a skeleton is,
and do"
$50 do II" replied the younger. IT
do know. I know for certain. do,"
well, now. what is it?''
Its the bones with the people OIL"
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1903-08-25
DEAFNESS CANNOT BE CURED

by local applications they cannot reach the dis
ensed portion of the ear. There is only one way
to cure Deafness and that is by constitutional
remedies. Deafness is caused by nfamed con-
dition of the lining of the Eustachian Tube.
When this tube is inhamed you have rumbling
sound imperfect hearing. and when it is entirely
closed deafness is the result and unless the in
fammation can be taken out and this tube restored
to its normal condition, hearing will be destroyed
forever; nine out of ten are caused by ca
tarrh. which is nothing but inhamed condition
OF the mucous surfaces.
We will givs One Hundred Dollars for any case
OF Deafness lcaused by cRtarrhl that cannot be
cured by Halls Catarrh Cure. Send for ciIculars
free. +. ]. CHENEY & CO.. Toledo, o.
Sold by Druggists, 75c.
Halls Family Pills the best.
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1903-08-25
Triumph in Teeth.

A Moscow dentist has invented a
system whereby false teeth can be
made to grow into the gums as firmly
as natural ones. After a few months
use 1t is just as hard to extract them as
1t is to dislodge the genuine molar.
made on the premises. Soon. possibly,
this tooth grating Muscovite will
achieve. suggests the London Globe.
that giddiest height to which the dem
tist can soar. the manufacture OF false
teeth that ache
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1903-08-25
Discourtesy

MadgeAHe tried to kiss me, al
though we are not engaged. Dolly
What made him think he Gould do It?
Eadge-I suppose it was because he
had oeen in the habit of calling on
you.-Judge. . --,-'
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1903-08-25

The woman who has the most talked
about clothesline in town cand stand a
good deal of unhappiness without get
ting discouraged.
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1903-08-25
First Come. First Served.

We would rather sell our fine San
Luis valley lands to Colorado farmers.
Best water rights. fertile soil. low
prices easy terms. If easterners come
first-and they're coming fast-we will
sell to them. of course. Send for our
new booklet and see what you're miss
ing The Colorado Bureau of Immigra-
tion. GIG Majestic Bldg. Denver. Colo
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1903-08-25
shamel

p VIXEN a n1ahssEfoot gets tangled up
with woman's under the table and
she gets mad about 1t, you can make
ner madder by pretending you thought
It was somebody else.
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1903-08-25

How do you account for the fact
that so many widows lead bachelors to
the marriage altar" asked the youth
That's an easy one" replied the sage.
"They have been there before and
know the way"
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1903-08-25

Little Hiram-Grandpa. did you see
the two7tailed comet? Farmer Bum
percrop-No; b'jings! l peen so busy
harvestin' l didn't even git ter see the
circus, let alone the side shows.
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1903-08-25
When Your Grocer Saws

he doss not have Defiance Starch, you msy
be SURE he is afraid to keep 1t until his
stock of l2 OF. packages are sold. Defiance
Starch is not only better than any other
Cold Water Starch, but contains l6 oz. to
the package and sells for same money - ~
OK SraudS
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1903-08-25

A back country paper says: "A mad
dog bit Major Konk on the left leg re-
Gently. 1t was sad happening. but
the dog is slowly recovering"
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1903-08-25

A Berlin professor has discovered that
seven out of ten girls who take plano les
sons are attacked by nervous affections
1t was long ago discovered that people
who have to listen to them fall u prey 20
nervous prostration.
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1903-08-25

why did you throw that mattress
stuffing in the hog trough?'' That's not
mattress stuffing; it's the latest thing In
breakfast foods"
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1903-08-25
In,l.t on aettlna II.

Some grocers ray they don't keep De
hsnce Starch because they have a stock in
hand of u tx. brands, which they know
cannot be sold to a customer who has once
used tho Is OF. pkg. Defiance Starch for
s0me money. W 10 ~.
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1903-08-25

Reginald have changed my mind since
Yesterday. Minnie-Let me congratulate
you; I'm sure you've made a bargain.
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1903-08-25

FITS rermane tlyCured. Nonts CT nervousness afte
kyst days US. OF Dr. kliue's Great Nerve Restorer
Send for FREE sa.OO trial oottle and trsstiss
De- R. H. KLINE Ltd, esl Arch St. Phila dephiA. Pa
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1903-08-25

She-Do you remember before we were
married. dear He-Why. it's among my
happiest recollections.