davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Waterbury Democrat., 1903-02-13

put his hands on them, so he resorted to little expedient to catch the willy members. He got lot of rice and soaked it in whisky. By getting them to eat a lot of this whislxy-soaked stuff he thought he would make them drunk, and then it would be an easy matter to catch them. He thought they would eat until they were drunk and then keel over in the yard, so he would have nothing to do but pick them up. He shelled out enough rice to make a drove of hogs drunk, and he began to think his little experiment. was going, to prove a failure. The pigeons did not fail to show the effects of the whisky. They were decidedly boozy, and seemed to be having deal of fun out of the game. They would hop around on the ground quite mer- rily, and would now and then take a little whirl up in the air just for the fun of the thing. Directly cne of the pigeons flew up to the little house in the rear of the yard. Soon another followed. This thing kept up until the last one of the birds had flown into the pigeon house. There was noisy chatter in the house which had been taken charge of by the birds for awhile, and then suddenly the noise died out. The pigeons all went to sleep and did not venture out u@til they had slept their jag off.
 TThe little expedient had proved a failure, and up to this good day the man has never been able to get rid of the bad lot of pigeons, and the chances are that he will not get rid of them until he shoots them"
Waterbury Democrat., 1903-02-13
A severe RebulSe.

A doctor in Devils Lake, N. D., sent a dunning letter which chanced to reach the wrong man. Here is the re- ply: Dear Sur: This note was put in my box by mistake. I han't the man, hee's dead, and ain't any relative of mine anyway. How dose your con- shens let you dun the dead? Why don't you lead better criston life and try to meet that man in heaven which is worth more than fortE dollars to any doctor"
Waterbury Democrat., 1903-02-13
THE CAUTIOUS PIGEONS.
They IKnew Just When They Had Enough and Then Went Home
 with Their Jags.

Speaking of pigeons and the queer antics they sometimes play reminds me of a funny thing that happened to well-known fancier in this city, said man who lives uptown to New Orleans Times-Democrat reporter, "and I may say right here that the man who doesn't believe the pigeon is cunning member when it comes to the business of regulating it's own af- fairs is very much mistaken.
 "The man in question had few birds in his flock he wanted to get rid of. He could not get close enough to
Waterbury Democrat., 1903-02-13
OAKVILLE HAPPENINGS

Lincoln day was recognized only by the Stars and Stripes floating from the pin factory.
 Walter Gapewell is very sick with pneumonia.
 The entertainment and supper at the Union church was well patronized last evening.
Waterbury Democrat., 1903-02-13
Omnibus Bill For a Rider.

WASHINGTON, Feb. 13. The friends of the statehood bill have reached definite decision to have the omnibus statehood bill reported as a rider to the postofice appropriation bill. It is expected that this action will be taken at once. It is the pur- pose to make fight in the senate to have the statehood bill tackled on to one of the appropriation bills, whose passage is absolutely necessary to the running of the government.
Waterbury Democrat., 1903-02-13


 the middle. It looked more like re- ligious smybol than any thing else mystic emblem carved by some me- dieval hermit misled in this steam and-trolley age of ours.
 But to Drixie it had quite another significance. 1t was a love token little less than an open declaration in this callow youths own estimation, And, indeed, it was open enough to those who knew him. For Drixie's full name was Hendricks Hart, and hers was Jennie Cross; so the riddle was easily read.
 Hen" Hart the boys had called the clumsy, shame-faced youngster when he first came to the village school, after his father sold the unprofta- ble farm up among the hills, and started a grocery store. Then some juvenile wit tried to improve upon it, and nicknamed the little fellow Chicken" Hart; but this he resented, proving the inappropriateness of the title with such hardness of fist and ,vigor of thrust that his mates soon dropped it. They compr romised upon 'sDrixie," and this style persisted. He was scarcely 12 then. Now he was a well-grown young man, and not an unattractive specimen, either; but that boyish trick of carving his. val entines upon the trees had persis l. ed, too--until one dreamy October afternoon, Stella Gaylaird foated into Meadowville and began the up-
Waterbury Democrat., 1903-02-13
No Bath. No wife,

Among the Turks bath money forms an item in every marriage contract, the husband engaging to allow his wife 8 certain sum for bathing pur- poses. Should it be withheld she has only to go before the cadi and turn her slipper upside down, and if the complaint be not then redressed it is a ground for divorce.-London Chron- icle
Waterbury Democrat., 1903-02-13
DEPARTMENT
WATERFOWL JOTTINGS
Watertown Athletic Club Will Enjoy
 Social This Evening.

The schools about town closed the afternoon session at 2:3O yesterday, it being Lincolns birthday.
 The W. A. c. dance and social will take place in the town hall this even ing. Dancing will commence at 9 o'clock sharp. Cams orchestra will furnish music and Professor John Cam will act as prompter.
 St Johns Ladies' Aid society will hold q regular monthly meeting in Pythian hall this evening.
 Joseph Barry of Waterbury was in town last evening.
 A rehearsal of the Crackerjack Ju- venile minstrels was held last evening.
 The grange held q regular communi- cation in the court room of Town hall last evening.
Waterbury Democrat., 1903-02-13
Bratish Hondur.s Mountaxns.

The Coxcomb mountains of Brittish| Honduras, to some extent an una known part of the famous Mahogany, coast, are undergoing a process of christening which will identity th6nx' for all times with the beginning ot the twentieth century. One range has just been named the Queen Alex andra mountainsA another range. takes the name of the Prince ofl Wales, and a 4,00o-foot peak has becn] named Mt. Joseph Chamberlain.
Waterbury Democrat., 1903-02-13
George,a Kind Permis~i on

"MaryI" her father called down. stairs, just ask your young man if he doesn't think it's pretty near bed time"
 Yes, papa" replied the sweet girl, after a pause, George says if you're sleepy go to bed by all means. '' Toledo Bee.
Waterbury Democrat., 1903-02-13
.T.ha ana Soft snaps.

If the average man would quit look Sng for soft snaps and stick to his reg ular job he would be better off finan- cially. Chicago Daily News.
Waterbury Democrat., 1903-02-13

The best $2 mems hats made. The new spring styles just received and put into U. S. & Co.'S opening sale for $1.75.
Waterbury Democrat., 1903-02-13
It Menns a.-,TdmHrs.

An Atchison man who has climbed away up ths ladder. is about to loas his head through looking down at SS woman. Atchison Globe.
Waterbury Democrat., 1903-02-13
The First step.

An innocent-looking banana skin is often the first step in q downward caw reer. Chicago Daily News.
Waterbury Democrat., 1903-02-13
7- n
 f~mwwt5mm Kaefem4.

LOWFEIMB WETNNLs TO support delnsion is to court de- eaast--Ram'a Horn
Waterbury Democrat., 1903-02-13
HEART AND CROSS A Valentine Story
 By LAWRENCE BOONE
By L.AWR ENG K
tCopyrighted.)

OR nearly ten years Drixie had been carving on the trees a fanciful design of his own contriving 9
 heart, in outline, with a
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1903-04-09
Good Advice.

The most miserable beings In the
world are those suffering from dyspeps
STA and liver complaint. More than rs
per cent. of the people in the United
States are afflicted with these two dis,
eases and their effects, such az sour
stomach, sick headache, habitual cos
tiveness, palpitation of the heart, heart
burn, water brash, gnawing and burn
ing pains at the pit of the stomach, yell
low skin, coated tongue and disagreea-
BILE taste in the mouth, coming up of
food after eating, low spirits, etc. Go
to your druggist and get bottle of
August Flower for % or 10 cents. Two
doses will relieve you. Try it.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1903-04-09
A Sweet Breath

Is never failing sign of a healthy
stomach. When the breath is bad the
stomach is out Of order. There is no
remedy in the world equal to Kodol
Dyspepsia Cure for curing Indigestion,
dyspepsia and all stomach disorders.
Mrs. Mary S. Crick, of White Plains,
KY, writes: 81 have been dyspeptic
for years tried all kinds of remedies,
but continued to grow worse. BY the
use of Kodol began to improve at
once, and after taking a few bottles am
fully restored in weight, health and
strength and eau eat whatever | like
Kodol digests what You eat and makes
the stomach sweet. H. G. Miller.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1903-04-09

''How did Columbus get the money
to equip his hips and pay other expen-
SEES of his expeditions" asked the teach.
err.
A little girl raised her hand, and the
teacher, noting the eager, animated
face, said; "Tellus, Ruth" And Ruth
arose and answered in loud, clear tones;
"Queen Isabella, of Spain, hooked
her jewels, and her husband, King Fer
dinand, stopped smoking for week"
With twitching lips and twinkle in
her eye, the teacher said
Where did you get your intorma'
ton, Ruth?" and the small maiden re-
piled:
''From Bill Nye's History of the
United States"
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1903-04-09
A Great Sensaiinn.

There was a big sensation in Lees
vile, Ind, when W, II. Brown OF that
place, who was expected to die, had his
life saved by DR.. Kings New Discovery
for consumption. He write: 81 endhr-
ed insufferable agonies from Asthma,
but your New Discovery gave me i'm
mediate relief and soon thereafter eff
ected a complete cure" Similar cures
of consumption, pneumonia, bronchitis
and grip are numerous. It's the peer
less remedy for all throat aud lung
troubles Price SOC and 81. Guaran-
teed by H. G. Miller, druggist Trial
bottles free.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1903-04-09

Homeseekers excursions via the Mis-
souri, Pacific Ry. and Iron Mountain
Route. Tickets on sale February Sd
and 18th, March Sd and 18th, April 18th
and 2lst, to Arkansas, Texas, Oklahoma
and Indian Territory. Write the I'M
dersigned for reliable information as to
rates, routes, etc. Great depends on
your getting . good start. The Iron
Mountain Route is the way to go to
Texas No change of cars. Write and
tell me where you are going, how many
there will be in your party, and where
you will board the train, and then give
you all the information necessary for
you to make the trip safely aud COM
fortably. I. E. Rehlander, Travelling
Passenger Agent, No. IS West 9th St,
Chattanooga, Tenn. ap2O
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1903-04-09

Farmer Blueieans-A felter's got to
have edication if he makes his mark
these times.
Farmer Gooseneck-I don't agree
with you there know a heap O. men
that made their mark who couldn't even
write their names, begosh.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1903-04-09

Clerk Gin village drug store DO You
live here?"
Customer Sure.
Clerk-Then you'll have to wait till
the boss comes back; l amt allowed to
put up prescriptions except for stran-
gers.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1903-04-09

Due notice is hereby served on the
public generally that DeWitt's Witch
Hazel Salve is the only salve on the
market that is made from the pure, I'M
adulterated witch hazel. DeWitt's
Witch Hazel Salve has cured thousands
of cases of piles that would not yield to
any other treatment, and this fact has
brought out many worthless counter
feits. Those persons who get the gen
uine DeWitts Witch Hazel Salye are
never disappointed, because it cures.
H. G. Miller, druggist.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1903-04-09

81 consider that speech one of the
best that ever delivered, " remarked
the young orator. eyes" answered
the satirical person with a mercantile
mind, lit was undoubtedly delivered
promptly and in good order. BY the
way, who ordered it?"
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1903-04-09

Mulyaue, Kan, Feb. 70,

Mulyaue, Kan, Feb. 70, 1908.
Popsin Syrup Co, Monticello, Ill.
Gentlemen This is to certify that
two sample bottles and one 50-cent bot
tie of DR. Caldwell's Syrup Pepsin en-
tirely cured me of bad case of indiges-
ton and constipation caused by over.
eating and lack Of exercise. / realized
$500 worth of benefit from a fifty cent
investment. Respectfully, J. b. REED.
SOC and 81 bottles. 1t is economy to
buy the 81 size. Sold by all druggists.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1903-04-09

Umbrella bearers are shown in an
cient sculptures at Persepolis, where a
king is depicted in royal state attended
by fly happer and an umbrella man. In
Persia the umbrella is still an append
age Of ROYALTY.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1903-04-09

Kidder-So you really love the girl.
Does she return your affection?
Biddle-That's just what's the mat
ter, confound it! She returned it i'm
medlately, saying she had no possible
use for it.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1903-04-09

Illinois ranks first among the states
in the manufacture of agricultural i'm
plements, bicycles, cars, glucose and
distilled liquors and in slaughtering
and meat packing.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1903-04-09

ess-She's quite young to be mar
ried, isn't she?
Jess-Rather.
Tess didn't wait long for hus-
band.
Jess-No, but theFe'll be many a
night after she's,married to Mr.. Klnb-
man When she will wait long for him,
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1903-04-09
You Have Seen

DR.. Caldwell's Syrup Pepsin advertis-
ed for months, but have you ever tried
it? If not, you do not know what an
ideal stomach remedy it is. A SOC bot
tie will show You its great merits as q
cure for constipation, indigestion and
sick headache At all druggists.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1903-04-09
This win Interest Mothers.

Mother Gray's Sweet Powders for
children cure feverishness, bad stomach
teething disorders, break up colds,
move and regulate the bowels and de-
stroy worms. They never fail. Over
10000 testimonials. AT all druggists,
25c. Sample mailed.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1903-04-09

Wax is not gathered from flowers nor
from any other source, but is a natural
secretion OF the bees and is only pro-
duced by them during heavy honey
flows.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1903-04-09

Wherever it has been introduced DIR.
Caldwell's SyrupPepsin leads all other
remedies in. curing constipation, indi-
gestion and sick headache Two sizes,
SOC and 81, at altdruggists.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1903-04-09

The heart beat in animals continues
for some time after death. In France
the heart of a criminal beats for thirty
hours after he had been decapitated.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1903-04-09
Cor liver troubles and constipation

Than Little Early Risers, the famous
little pills,
The always effect cure and save doc
tor bills.
Little Early Risers are different from
all other pills They do not weaken
the system, but act as tonic to the
tissues by arousing the secretions aud
restoring the liver to the full perform
ance OF its functions naturally. H. G.
Miller, druggist.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1903-04-09

Mrs. Schoppen- Blackberry jam, 80
cents the jar Ny, isn't that jam jear?
Mr.. Sands Isn't it what?
Mrs. Sehoppen-I say isn't that dam
iear-e r ! mean. isn't that dam dear.
Oh, never mind.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1903-04-09

"Say, Chimney, dat's a fierce bull
dog youse got. Whatever feed 'em ON
to make i'm SO scrappy?' Feed 'em
on scraps"
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1903-04-09

Ordinary household accidents have
no terrors when there's bottle of DR..
Thomas Electric Oil in the medicine
chest Heals buns, bruises, sprains.
Instant relief.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1903-04-09

Eczema, scald head, hives, itchiness
Of the skin of any sort, instantly relieN :
ed, permanently cured. Doan's Oint-
ment. At any store.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1903-04-09
Never Out Of Season.

There is no time in the year when Dir.
Caldwell'sSylup Pepsin is not benefit
to mankind. 1t cures constipation and
Indigestion, aud cures diarrhea caused
by bad condition Of the digestive or
gans. In SOC aud 81 sizes at druggists.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1903-04-09

1t has been shown that more than
gallon of salt solution can be introduc-
ed into the blood vessels in the course
of an hour without destroying life or
oecasioning any disease.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1903-04-09

" Are there any historic spots in this
vicinity" queried the tourist.
swell, mum, right over there by
that tree Bill Jorkins once had pile
of coal that weighed purity nigh two
ton "
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1903-04-09

The best physic; Chamberlain s Stom'
ach and Liver Tablets. Easy to take
pleasant in effect. For sale by all
druggists.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1903-04-09

Stella / came near missing pro
posal last night.
Bella You did?
Stella-Yes. He got down on his
knees, and | thought he was merely
looking for ping-pong ball. Stray
Stories.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1903-04-09

Casey-Did ye hear about poor Elan
merry?
Cassidy Sorry the word.
Casey Shure, the big stame hammer
in the foundry dropped down on his
chist an killed him.
Cassidy-Weli, Oi'm not surprised,
for he always had wake chist.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1903-04-09

It's the little colds that grow into big
colds; the big colds that end in con.
sumption and death. Watch the little
colds. DIR. Woods Norway Pine Syrup.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1903-04-09

A lazy liver makes lazy man. Bur
dock Blood Bitters is the natural, never
failing remedy for lazy liver
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1903-04-09
Good for Children.

The pleasant to take and harmless
One Minute Cough Cure gives immedi-
ate relief in all cases of Group, Group
and la grippe because it does not pass
Immediately into the stomach, but takes
effect right at the seat of the trouble.
1t draws out the Inflammation, heals
and soothes and cures permanently by
enabling the lungs to contribute pure
life. giving and DEMONSTRATING oxygen
to the blood and tissues n. G. Miller.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1903-04-09

Uso Dr. Miles NERVE PIAsTERs for SPINAL
WEAKNESS all druggists sell 'em for &c.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1903-04-09

Mag Station, Telephone.
MEL II. WELLER, Tralnmaster
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1903-04-09

No.4l, Pullman Slice ing cars Bristol to Chat
tanooga, Memphis an New Orleans and from
Chattanooga to Shreveport and Birmingham
TO Mobile; also Chattanooga TO Jacksonville
and Atlanta to Brunswick.
No. 80 carries Pullman Sleeping cor Bristol to
Knoxville, Knoxville to Memphis and Ohatta-
nooga to Atlanta
No. II, Pullman Sleeping car Morristown to
CHATTANOOGA and hAttnnooRa 10 Mernhhls
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1903-04-09

No. u, Pullman Sleeper Cincinnati to Jack
sonvllle via q &c, Hartman Junction, Knox
VILE and Ashevile; also Louisville to Knox
Vile via l.. & N and Jcllico
Nos. 10 4 30 carry Pullman SLEEPER St Louis
TO knoxville via Louisville, Q & G. Hartman
Junction and Knoxville, and Cincinnati to Har-
riman Junction,
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1903-09-04
WANT STENOGRAPHERS
AND TYPEWRlTERS

An examination Of applicants for, posi-
tons rs stenographcrs and typewr,.e!5
In the classified service OF inc repela'
government will be held IN ms c.ts, aep-
tember 10th. At the same t''lle sHa.'s -,
o, yiis engineer and superintendent OF con-
e e,n,,,tIon and for veterinarian In the
f Pshiiippno service. On October TN an On
~ tho United States penitentlary ut At
i ~ az will be had. Active stenographers
and typowriters who can write at least
,hirtv-fiyo words por minute on the ma
chine, and take dictation ut speed o.
eighty words p6l~mlnute. Ihe stenograp!e
sbn,,ld file their applications with the
local Board Of Examiners at the post
off1ce In this city.
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1903-09-04
RICHARD RYE WAS
GIVEN FOUR MONTHS 10. N II J.
DeseCrated a House Of Wor-
ship by Stealing Books
from a Pew.

Detectives Gibson and Wren arrested
Richard Rye for stealing a lot Of books
from q pew In st. Peters Cathedral, he-
longing to John G. Hagan.
rye IS an old stager, and Justice John
put him q way for four months.
william j. Gentry. Jrr was fined IS tor
engaging In u fight with IT. ]. Southall
on Main Street several nights ago.
The case Of George Dance on tho
charge Of being disorderly on q street
car will be heard on the 9th.
Molly washington (colorcd) paid $3.50
for being dscrderly on the street. ~.
taking six cigars belonging to ]. v.
Haaka. but the case was dismissed,
Annie Brown (ooloreD paid $3.50 for
being drunk and disorderly.
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1903-09-04
seaboardA.. 77NG77!s. Atlantic Coast ,,ss LIN
common, 1IOGlla; do. preferred, no safes.
COTTON MARKETS.

SrW YORK. Sept. 3.--The cotton market
'opened steady with January point lower. out
Ihe LIST generally unchanged to points hiShe.,
owing to high. ca bles. Weather was genera any
favorable, however, aud shortly after me caiI
heavy liquidation oct In which carried prlces
rapidly downward There were reacLohs ~ "a
the course OF the market was senerally to"a.u
lowe, level until at noon prices showed = m nc
decline CT sd1le points With September at u -.
Octobcr at 10 49, December ct 1906; Januar!
at l0.Un and March at 900. Then tho nonthly
bureau report was read. showing nn average
condition OF sl.2 per cent. against l9.io !ass
month and ei last year. THIS proved more !;
by no OF the most active and txrlten perlous
that the market hrs experienced since me sar!y
d,y, OF the hull campa ign. In au Instant almost
Sentember was down TO LOB, October WIS
sro,iud 10 20 neccmber 9.03 and January wv.
b The realizing By selling orders came 10 from ~!
all directions and prices were soon on ,ne ",Hn
ward track again. The close was steady at
slight recovery from tho low level, which repre-.
tcnttd decline from the hghest point OF TOE a
5Dm 81 points, with prices finally net 231as ~
p0 nts lower. The transactions were estl muteu
at around a million bales.
Abide fro mthe government report tnere , Was
t.ittlo new in the situation and naturally iittie
POOL was attributed to shorts IN that mnrRet
s.ho preferred taking profits after the recent
declines than to risk n bureau less bearish tnan
ttpectcd Tic early decline here was shih u
re- n resumption Of selling recently noted ana
which vas Undoubtedly for tue account Of inter-
ests anticipating somc such condition as that
reported. ,,,.,ad ~
chief buying came from shorts who took prohts;
while the various bull leaders seemed disposed
to allow the market to take its course TOT me
time being.