davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1903-12-05

on a dyspeptic air. We left the
it with us, but because we didn't want
it along. We are particular about
our company when we go where we
might feel ashamed Of ourself-and
we went to the country.
We were born in the country and
adopted the city because the city
wouldn't adopt u.s. Inasmuch as blood
is thicker than water, we like Gods
country best. That is why, when we
get all gummed up in the cerebral
region, we hurry away to the land Of
our nativity-the free, unbridled coun-
try!
Not that we have ever hankered
for farmers life, our divine afflatus
and disproportionate central stat
uary that bothers us when we put on
our shoes, forbidding; but we have
often dreamed of being gentleman
farmer. In our minds eye we have
fitted from flower to flower on the
farm, scratching the pigs with a cob,
feeling new horns sprouting on the
infantile rams, sailing the new kit
tens, haltering the turkey gobbler
gathering the eggs where the horses
have failed to eat them, sharing goph-
ers from post holes, teaching the dog
to bite book-agents, fighting the chinch
bugs and the Jersey COW out of the
wheat field, taking skinned milk to
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1903-12-05

the village, Dragging about our horses
and how near lightning came to hit
ting our barn
Up to our recent visit this was our
dream of the farm. Now we know
we have been deceived. All farmers
of to-day are gentlemen farmers, and
just as soon as we can find a farmer
fool enough to swap places with us we
are going out into the rural districts
to eat green corn off the cob and be
happy tho married
We were met in ''the little country
town" by the farmer. After getting
shave and offering in payment a bill
so big neither the barber nor we could
change it, he bought some good CT
gars and said he was ready.
1t was a glorious morning. In the
air there was no essence of redolent
cafaterias, no ancient allcy-stench, no
slOp-wagOn fetOr-Only me sweet liz
cense OF meadow and field.
At the farm home the grass in the
front yard was clipped with a lawn
mower, there were a hammock and
easy chairs. The dinner was dream.
The farmer spent the day enjoying
himself while the hired help did the
work. There were yet two picnics
and sale to attend that week. He
went to all three.
We have always contended that
while the farmer feeds us all he usual
ly keeps the best for his own larder.
There is a huge overgrown belief in
town that a farmer skimps his own
table to carry food-stuffs to market.
Perish the error; the farmer has fresh
eggs and vegetables, the yellow
legged chickens cavort about his legs
and the apples in his orchard are as
ruddy-hued as the cheeks of his pretty
daughters. Fills mail is delivered at
his door, he has telephone and takes
fortyleven periodicals which he reads
before passing them to that bourne
from which newspapers never return.
His life is not ideal, but it has a
leaning that way. Don't pity the
farmer, save your sympathy for the
town slave.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1903-12-05
* * Gs
Bringing the Cows.


There's daybreak and noon ana after
noon, too.
Night time and Sunday when Bill courts
his Sue
But morning or eve, Mirandy allows.
There's no time quite like when Towse
brings the cows
The great sun has set in glorifed red
And mock-birds have put their young
ones to bed
The whip-poorwil calls his mate in the
wood,
The OWLS faint .halloo frishts Dame
Mouse's brood
Then Towse comes a-yelp behind the bo-
vine,
Straight up the long lane they jog in
line.
The brindle COW leads with bell loudly
stirred
''Bob-tail' in the rear. the worst Of the
herd.
The farmer shouts. "Poigh! to call the
fat stock
That below and squeak DER fruit of
the shock:
The chickens al roost on building and
tree
Are chuckling Good night" as soft as
can be.
Here's plenty and peace, and still some
in store
And when that is gone there's always
SO no. for the time when faithful old
Towse
Sets forth on his task Of bringing the
cows
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1903-12-05
Ewes Automobile.

One night when Adam came home
from the brick yard, where he had
been holding clay to make Cain a
dog house, Eve met him with out
stretched arms.
Poor dear" she simmered, lis he
him on the nose.
II haven't a cent" said Adam, dodg-
ing and keeping his hand on his peck
etbook
''Addie, won't you get your 'Evey' an
automobile for Christmas?" cajoled
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1903-12-05
Those Red Top Boots.

l gazed into a great shoe show
window today, on --- street, to
see if I could ind a pair of copper
toed, red-topped boots like my first
pair
[ didn't.
Funny isn't it? How can we expect
to. raise statesmen and presidents
these days without copper-toed, red
topped boots for boys?
I remember my first pair. Got 'em
for Christmas. Mother had them hid.
den away in the old bureau drawer
where | wasn't supposed to snoop.
They fit, too, like a glove, and the
copper toes shone beautifully. And
the red tops-they were the cynosure
of all the boy eyes in our neighbor-
hood for weeks.
And how majestically they squeak
ed!
Had to oil them three times
week, and even then they were stiff
and unmanageable after a night of
coasting.
Then, when skating time came, IA
Their donated ten cents to have some
skate plates put in the heels. Some
times the screws caught in mothers
carpet, but what of that? Wasn't
the only boy in the family and might
| not be president some day?
But, come to think of it, l never
have been! Ho! Hum, Can't every
boy be president-and besides I was
president OF Young Peoples Society
of Christian EndeayOr Once-but
that's another story.
Guess they don't make presidents
from copper-toed boots any more.
Leastwise, I don't see any red-tops
advertised.
Wonder why?
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1903-12-05

Dying of Shame.

There is a saying that a nightin-
gale dies of shame if another bird
sings better. The nightingale is a
foolish bird. At every hand we find
men who Guido us, yet we falter not.
Instead of dying, we imblbe inspira-
ton and strive to equal their songs.
Now, there was that book agent that
called yesterday. He had a song as
long as a Chinese opera and a mas
terpiece in business rhapsody. In
stead OF depressing us, he inspired us
to thrash him. Instead of casting us
down, we cast him out and set the dog
onto him. Do not be lugubrious over
the songs of others. They spur
man to action and exercise. Even the
song of the mule has an uplifting en-
thusiasm that man might we'll emu
late! Silly nightingale to die OF
shame because some other bird sang
"Hiawatha"
SA "a So
A liveryman in Texas is reported
as having put in new stock OF
horses, carriages and-coffins. Must
be runaway horses.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1903-12-05
VA va -
The Man


The city man kicked the footrest
under his desk viciously and sighed.
eff l could only get out into the
country" he murmured, with visions
in his minds eye of red leaves and
babbling brooks, chattering squirrels
and lowing cattle.
eff | could just hire an old horse
hitched to a democrat wagon and go
nutting again, I'd be happy | wonder
If the chipmonks still hide their nuts
in those hollow logs down in Days
woods. Long about now they must be
pretty busy quarreling with the gray
squirrels and the crows! All, me!
What slave I ami"
And the city man reached in his
pocket for dyspepsia tablet and fore
ed himself to the carking grind again.
Out in the village park, where the
fall wind was whispering secrets to
the redolent woods, the country mer
chant sat on a rustic bench and ca
joled.
''The same old story, day after day.
I wish l lived in the city where could
see a new face occasionally and get
out of this rut.
"Wouldn't l like to go into Opolis
and spend about TWO weeks seeing the
sights, instead of ripping off calico
and denims. I'd be happy there! N.Y.
but this is hard life!" and the bust
ness man sauntered over to the store
with ennui in his gait.
This is the way of the world.
Ca
Wonder why men can't enjoy them
selves where they are, without being
miserable because they are not some
where else?
Ca
Sometimes, even when my rent is
paid, | wish / lived in a little dug-Out
in Iowa, or Indiana or the Philippines
Doesn't it beat all?
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1903-12-05

bile that runs WITH gasoline ana says
'choo! choo! choo!' like that-and has
a dear of handle for steering-and
four big leather seats all cushioned
with springs-and a red coat Of paint
with orange stripes = and = and
and"
"And what" demanded Adam.
Just then a fox squirrel dropped a
pecan on Adams bald head and he
awOke with a start!
'Huh." he calculated, II knew some
thing would happen like this if didn't
stop reading that story of Rip Van
Wrinkle Backwards"
And when Abel came the old baby
carriage was the only automobile in
the Land of Paradise.
Ca
Do you really believe Eve ever wore
a leaf yoke in her shellbark dress?
If she did, why couldn't our wives?
1t would be cheaper. The woods are
full of leaves now and they are al
ready picked.
Will somebody suggest it to the
ladies?
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1903-12-05
On the Beach.

She sat upon the sand
In sweet and penSive mood,
Her moulded form petite
In graceful attitude!
The seagulls in the light
Reversed with dizzy wheel
And there upon the beach
/ felt my senses reel!
Before the maid so fair
1 knelt in knightly style,
Intending, too, to tell
My burning love meanwhile!
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1903-12-05
When other Eyes Meet Mine.

"Love is blind" he complained.
"That ought not to worry you," she
said encouragingly, because we have
eyes only for each ther"-Milwaukee
Journal.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1903-12-05
Life in the Country.

We have been out in the country
again to pet the wabbly calf and watch
the angry little bee gather more
honey. We left the busy mart" one
morning just at day break when
the smells of great city
were shedding their bilious OdOr
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1903-12-05
A Green Cucumber.

We have been thinking we would
write poem on what green cucum-
Der does to man, but we could only
think of one line:
ooh, what the green cucumber does
to a man is plenty!"
That was plenty for the man, but
not enough for poem, SO we smoked
on in silence and decided that what
g green cucumber does to a man could
not be told in verse. Therefore, we
began to write in prose. After filing
seventeen pages with the worst lot of
stomachaches on record, we decided
what a green cucumber does to man
is so much that it cannot even be told
in prose. We then tried crowding it
into both prose and poetry, but gave
it up at last, deciding to leave this
sign for your perusal:
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1903-12-05
y . .

A country editor tells of some angel
cake that was brought him and adds:
ut was brought to our Office by the
angels themselves 1.-TWO beautiful
Smith girls), nesting in the midst Of
the large boquet of beautiful roses
that adorned the center of our angel
cake. we found a dainty note" The
girls must have looked real cute nest
ling, like raisins, in the center of the
cake. Pretty enough to eat, too, prob
ably
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1903-12-05
= y y
Charles GaIIop's BUS.

Charles Gallop's BUS.
wonder where Charles Gallop is
Twas him that druv the bus
Out yonder where | ulster live
A little country cuss!
Charles Gallop he was big an TALL
His bus was long an stout;
TIL winders ratified scand' lous like,
But never Onct fell out!
wonder, now where Charlie is
Why, that sleek span O. his
Could travel like tn very wind
When they got down ter biz!
And Charlie went to all the trains
By day or in tn night;
All over town you'd hear him go
Jest at tn break O light!
He'd sit way high upon tn bus
An "Gid apr to tn bay!
An then he'd sit up straighter yt
An "Gid APT to tn gray!
Then, mister mani tn teams he'd pass
With rafting, jingling pace
An sometimes he would let EN- run,
= Rejoicin' in race!
Most always lots O. people come
Into tn town by train,
An GallOp knew 'em every one
From seem EN- again!
The travelin' men would say, 'Hullo!"
An "Gallop, how are your"
While actresses would smile an smrk
An giggle, How'd -do?'
Then Charlie'd boiler, ''All aboard''
An pull tn door strap tight,
An drive like Tam OShanter did,
Across the bridge that night!
One day 1 went out of tn town
To seek my fortune new;
rode on top with Gallop then
Gee whiskerS, how we flew!
But when / came home in the night,
set down on tn seat
Fer l was feelin' sort O. blue
An all worked out an beat!
1 wonder now where Charlie is
A drivin' them equnes.
A settin' straight away up there,
An holdin' of tn lines!
But anyhow when Gabriel calls
He needn't make no fuss,
Ner send his spangled cheer-i-ut-
I'll ride in Gallop's bus!
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1903-12-05

Law
An accommodation to lawyers.
A cob-web that catches the small
flies, but misses the big bugs.
The subject for debate.
A bone of contention
The underbrush of reason.
A license for the pettifogger to an
noy the public.
A good thing to keep free of.
1t was Shakespeare who said: THE
first thing we do, let's kill all the
lawyers"
Adam was the first lawyer-he
pleaded for Eve 1t will be seen, as
usual, there was a woman in the
case
A scarecrow that frightens people
from doing wrong.
Generally bent, often broken, but a
greyhound in the chase.
Williams Little Snake.
William had a little snake,
It's skin was green and black.
No matter whittier William went
The snake would not go back!
1t followed him to bed one night
In spite of Williams wish,
To chide him for his recklessness
In drinking like fish!
Then William fled in awesome haste,
And neighbors do allege
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1903-12-05

Eve, hugging him close and tickling
his ear with her bow-catchers.
"AutOmobile!" gasped Adam
what's the matter with the old baby
carriage? 1t was good enough for
Cain, it surely ought to be good
enough for
Eve blushed, and drowned the re-
mainGer of his sentence in the autumn
leaf yoke of her shell-bark dress.
Not that. Addie. but a real automo-
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1903-12-05
If you would be we'll served, ::
Serve yourself. ::

= = : : : : : > : : = = . : . : : .
After serving yourself you will know
all about what a green cucumber does
to a man. Then you may write your
own thesis on "Stomachaches | Have
Had" or What the Green Cucumber
Did to Me When | Wasn't Looking"
For the best description of a cucum-
Der contortion in it's active state, we
will give one pair of brass coffin
handles, warranted to fit Write
early and avoid crowding.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1903-12-05
4Otf


The happiest couple in the world
should be deaf husband and blind
wife. both taking Rocky Mountain Tea.
Keeps peace in the family. 80 cents.
Benefits Pharmacy.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1903-12-05
For Sale.

Three dozen primary school desKs
and seats are offered for sale at bar
gain. For particulars apply to any
member of the board of education, as
designated below. ~
VIM e. WEBB, Pres.
S. e. HAssELL, Clerk.
4Otf r. MEYER, JR,, Treas.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1903-12-05
T he NJ an.

ne MdNs
ooh ioy!" cried the man, 81 ana
indeed rich!' ''Aha!" chortled his
daughter, ''now l can wed a title!"
And she did!
The Man.
The man travelled to a beautiful
city. ut is grand" be murmured.
The streets were paved with great di-
Almonds and gentle iridescent glow
was everywhere. The houses were Of
gold and precious stones of green and
crimson lay around loose as the sands
of the sea- A beautiful maid came
to greet the man. Il love YOU" she
said Your automobile is the same
make as mine!" She sighed softly
and held out her hands. wilt marry
me?" she questioned MY father is
mayor of the city"
The man shrieked
What" he cried. wilt marry
you? Wilt-well, | guess"
But just then the alarm clock eX-
ploded, and awakened he gaZed about
his little box bedroom, saw the tiny
70-cent oil stove, his other pair of
trousers and gasped:
Mott
Then he got up sadly, cooked five
cents worth of dog sausage, ate it and
went to work-a disappointed man!
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1903-12-05
The Farmer

The first man was a farmer-he
raised "cane."
The reason a farmer is always re-
1erred to as 'jocund" is because the
novelist was never a farmer.
No farmer ever raised a crop by
tickling" the earth. wise writer's to
the contrary Notwithstanding. The
farmer does not have his fun that
way
The farmer needs to know little
about Ceres to grow a good harvest.
1t is only the poets who give the god
undue credit.
Charles Dudley Warner says,
blessed be agriculture! if one does
not have too much of it."
We have always maintained that
outside of the cornfeld, more suck
cr5" live in the city than on the farm.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1903-12-05
Q y .
Making Home Happy.

Just as the sun was setting in Eden,
Adam put on his goat-skin overcoat
and went out.
Where are you going, Adam cried
Eve from the balcony window. "You
didn't kiss me goodbye, either!"
"Ain't goin' nowhere replied
Adam, sullenly, only just for little
peace and exercise. You didn't kiss
me when | came home from the cane
brake to-day, either!"
''Will you be out late?" demanded
Eve, in a tone of resentment. "This
makes the third night this week."
I'm only goin' down the road to
try another apple. and I'll be back be-
fore morning if I don't fall into the
moat!" snapped Adam, as he ducl1ed
around the corner and disappeared in
the currant bushes.
When he came home along about 3
a. M, with a load Of distilled elder
berries under his rabbit-Skin vest,
Eve, crying. was up waiting for him
with curtain lecture as Ions as
the roost in the bird-of-para6ise
coop IN the pack yafQ.
Thus it will be seen that even Adam
and Eve knew how to make home
happy!
Some men make home happy by
staying down town most of the time.
That's one way.
y y
Autumn.
The dead leaves swirl beside the road,
The grass is drying on the lawn
The summers hopes are scar and dead
Their petals scattered far and gone!
But spring with all her promise comes
And blooms the f1owret by the way
Take hope, sad heart, to-morrows morn
May bring to you a fairer day!
y y y
The Aurora of Hope.
Build the nest stronger, it's summer no
longer;
Autumn is dying
And chill winds are signing
The winter is near.
Make the nest cozy-twas built to look
While winter is winging,
And earthward is f1inging
The last of the leaves.
Coax the fire lightly to burn ever
brightly:
Autumn is weeping,
w nile grim Fate is reaping
The harvest of red.
Bury your sorrow and live for to-mor-
row;
Winter is fleeing
And BoreaS, beating,
Is calm in the spring.
Open your cottage to joys full allotage;
MistletOe blisses.
With ecstatic kisses,
Petition your lips!
Then let us hope ever no matter what
weather:
Tho Autumn is dying,
Tho zephyrs are signing
Great Hope is the King.
" q @
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1903-12-05

It's not what you know
on this earth here below
That makes you wise one.
What gives you a show
Are the bluffs that you SOW
DO you ''saVVy,' my son?
*
Married men are the better soldiers,
they know more about fighting
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1903-12-05

I'm SWEET AND PENSIVE MOOD"
But where I knelt to sue
A clam-shell sharp arose,
And that is why | failed
To gracefully propose!
But she was deft and true,
And quickly moved. Her face,
Suffused with red she lisped:
''Here-is-a-softer placer
Then long upon the sand
We watched the pillows roll;
And for that wounded knee
l claimed and got loves toll!
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1903-12-05
~ va ~

Did you ever collect any toll like
that? 1t comes nigh, but our hired girl
says it beats washing dishes, all hol-
low.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1903-12-05

That is only joke about me work
ing for a pittance no greater than will
buy my collars. l get $475 a week
now
The daily silver state. [volume] (Winnemucca, Nev.) 1903-1907, 1903-07-21
Romance Ended Happily

Fernando Joaquin Mendonz and
Maria Jacintha were granted a license
we'd yesterday, and were married
asst night by Father Burns, at the
lome of G. Gonzales.
This modest wedding was the con-
summation of a delightful romance
that began away back In Portugal
when the happy bride and groom
we're both considerably younger than
they are know. They knew and loved
each other in the fatherland, and
after their separation, carried on their
courtship by letter. Mendonz came to
Tho western country several years
ago; he has resided in Golconda for
hree years. His bride came later to
America, but stopped near the At
iantic shores. She came direct from
e;cw Bedford. Connecticut. and was
net here by her lover yesterday even
ng Mr.. Gonzales being friend Of
he prosperous groom, they went ut
orce to his hospitable home and were
married, leaving last night for San
Francisco, where it is understood
heir future home will be.
The daily silver state. [volume] (Winnemucca, Nev.) 1903-1907, 1903-07-21
Spain's New Cabinet

MADRID, July 21.-The King has
al proved the new cabinet which has
heen constituted by Marquis Villa
verde, as follows: Premier, Maruis
Villavarde; Foreign Minister, Count
Sanbernardo; Minister of Justice Sc
nor Buganal; minister of Rnance,
Senior Besada; Minister OF War. Gen.
eral Maritegui; Minister Of Navy, Sc
nor Estrom; Minister of Interior. Sc
nor Garcia Alix; Minister of Public
Instruction, Senior Osma; Minister OF
Agriculture. Senior Gasso.
Former Premier Silvela, who sub
mitted his resignation together with
that of the cabinet on Saturday in his
speech on that day declared that the
interests of Spain in the Moroccan
question required her to have a strong
army and navy. He advocated an al
lance with France to preserve, as far
as possible, the status quo in Morocco.
The impartial, commenting upon
the speech. says it constitutes a cate
gorical declaration of a Franco-Span-
lsh alliance.
The daily silver state. [volume] (Winnemucca, Nev.) 1903-1907, 1903-07-21
HOME NEWS IN
PARAGRAPHS
Personal and Local Items OF
Interest to All, Picked
Up Today

l.. A. Blakeslee is in town today
from Reno.
Reub Battels is in town from Rock
hlll canyon.
]. H. Craig, of Salt Lake, is regis
tered at the Busch.
NJ. ]. O'Brien is in town today from
Omaha. and is registered at the I-af
1yette hotel.
The grand jury will convene in the
district court room tomorrow morn
ing at 10 o'clock.
The infant daughter of Mr.. and Mrs
Ben Roberts, of Carlin. was buried at
2 o'clock this afternoon from the resi-
dence of S. p Roberts.
The Golconda Cattle company NOV
ed it's haying outfit yesterday from
Rock Creek to Stonehouse, where har-
vesilng will begin at once.
A. w. Whitacre, of Omaha. carry
ing a fine line of samples of brooms,
came in yesterday evening. and is in
Paradise taking orders today.
]. r. Harvey came in this morning
from Paradise. accompanied by his soa
Ward. They furnished a part of the
band OF horses recently purchased by
King Bros. for shipment east.
H. L. Callaghan. of the cruiser New
York, an honorably discharged marine
is in town today on his way to San
francisco, where he says he will 'ose
n, time in ie-enlisting and getting
back on the salt water.
Ed Saunders. of Lovelock. is in
town today and will remain until to-
morrow. He 3 witness before the
grand jury against the man, W. +.
Fitz. who assaulted and stabbed ar.
Saunders last February at LovelocS.
Between ninety and one hundred
horses arrived at neon today from
Grass Valley and were yarded at the
corral. They are the property of
Sheriff Lamb. the Golconda Cattle
company and F. ]. Button and were