The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1903-03-14
THE IOWA IDEA.

The Colonel saw the man from Kan
sas just about the time the man from
Kansas saw the Colonel. The Kansan
was looking for information and the
Colonel was looking for chance to
give it, so the meeting was happy
one.
''Iowa is great state" said the man
from the sunfower realm, great for
corn and hogs, and especially long on
statesman. But your state seems to be
all torn up now over the Iowa idea.
How did it all come about?"
"In the wurruds Nv tn immortul
Jeff'rson Dim dimmycrat' an be tn
same token Oh am not expectud to have
idears NV amy kind, oarrin' free silver
an impiroolism which same don't be
much anyways, but Ohm thinkin
that tn great rivlution in Republican
thought is not amountin to so blame
much afther all.
T'is mosthly tn wnrruk av tn con-
solydated Ordher av Boosters an
Rhoasters av tn Iowa Priss. Theyse
gang av thin trooly great molders OF
tn public thought as hav divided
themselves into squads fir tn purpus av
edicatin tn peopl' and keep'n av
thimsilves in tn Public Eye. Tn way
they wurruk Mt is this ways, the
Horrible Dad Simpkins, the Nestyor
av the priss of Scratchville on tn
Coon has an idear 'twould be betther
fir tn peepl' eff tn icemen did their
harvestin in Angus whin wurruk wuz
scarce. A colum in tn Scratchville
Sthar gives birruth to tn idear.
It's then tn CONSOLIDATED Ordher
begins getting in uts best ticks. Says
the noted Barney Hermorphy av tn
Squinton Screecher,
9Th gifted, but rotten, Dad silnp-
kins av' tn bright an newsy Scratch
Vile Sthar would hav tn icemen do
ther' harvistin in Angus. Tis splain-
ly a Cummins scheme tn inflooence
tn labrin vote an twill not go down
with tn intilligint an enlitned peepl'
av this glorus commonwllth." Come
again Dad:''-
The Burlington Goose egg is tn mex
heard firm, ut SEE, in tree colums-Th
brilliant Hermorphy av the renown'd
Screecher settels tn hash av th'
squint-eyed, but gifted, Dad Simpkins
in a farely skintillyatin' paragraph
that takes tn hide off av tn afore said
Dad. Give us Barney iviry tonne.
TIL audacty av' tn Cummins priss in
sss,,sasavrin to bring about these radicul
eu peasssI a 81 n tSdIRnifa 81 Short av soocida
|Th Hon. Cummins an his fule frens
will find tn ice question is a burnin
question in Iowa"
Ut cuddn't he hardly Expected that
this outburrust wud pass unnoticed by
Asbestos Butterfel Fundamental NV tn
Northin Light. Mr.. Fundamental SEE,
SEE he. SIN approchin av' this SERIOUS
problem we en- orly say, that ut is the
profoundedest ragret av our lives that
our last :dl5hul did not have tn good
sin,e to follow tn egsample av tn
- ust two in similarity an idinticaly-
wild that great an shinin sthar av
rapublicanism that is now illumynatin
tn daylight av tn Nashun. Ut ra
named FIR thimshot beds av intillegint
ignrance tn Screecher an tn suoser-
died Goose egg to Civ to tn ice pro-
J blum politicul caste. livery intilli-
gint man must be wise to tn fact that
by harvestin ice in Janooary tn ice
BARNS imploy lap'r ut tn loves rates,
whereas. should ice be harvistid wild
the other great crops az this gloryus
state there wud be comptishun an tn
ice octopi wud be obliged to Civ up
some av their ill-gotten gain. This
lopins up tn entoire feuld Nv taruf
faduction. Cummins fr' iver."