davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1903-08-25
The First Man Up.

DIR. George T. Winston, who pos
sesses an inexhaustible fund of
stories and anecdotes, tells the fol-
lowing good one on a friend of his
young manhood days who was ad-
dicted to a free use of intoxicants:
Thinking to cure the unfortunate
young fellow of his bad habit, some
of the young mans friends found
him, while beastly drunk, and buried
him in a cemetery. His body was
placed only a few inches un-
der ground, his head being
left sticking out in order that
he might breathe. About daybreak
the next morning the fellow awoke,
and, slightly turning his head, looked
around at the graves and tombstones,
after which he ~soliloquized with him
self to this effect: eyes, this is me;
no doubt about that. This is a grave
yard, too, and Pm buried, SO I must
have been dead. Well, if it's the res
direction, Pm the first man up, any
howp-Greensboro Cor. Charlotte
Observer.
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1903-08-25
Made a Spider His Excuse.

The New York Tribune tells this
story of the boyhood days of Gov
ernor Durbin, of Indiana:
The principal of the school that
he attended was a man of consider
able severity. The boys all held him
in great awe. They were therefore
amazed when young Durbin n day
said to them:
"Do you dare me to go up to the
principal and say Hello and slap
him on the back"
owe certainly do" they replied.
"Well, I'll do it." said Durbin.
"T1l do it to-day. But what will you
give me for letting you see me do
t?"
Cpl give you that there bamboo
fshin' pole of NINE" an ~illiterate
boy said.
CAL right" Durbin agreed.
"Watch me when school begins"
The principal sat on an elevated
platform. The reckless Durbin, as
soon as the session opened, advanced
to him, and, sure enough, gave him
a hard whack on the back, and at the
same time exclaimed "Hello p
The principal turned fercely.
"What is the meaning of this 2"
he cried.
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1903-08-25
Proverbs Up-to-D Date.

Better swallow your good jest than
lose your good friend.
Sweet are the uses of adversely.
bitter are the uses of prosperity.
The rising generation owes much
to the inventor of the alarm clock.
If vanity we're a deadly disease,
every undertaken would buy fast
horses.
When the last trump sounds, some
woman will ask Gabriel to wait a
minute.
A good field of corn is one thing a
farmer doesn't care to have crowed
over.
The Dead March is not necessarily
the one that the musicians have MUIR
dered.
The oil of i~nsincerity is more to
be dreaded than the vinegar of vi
~tuperation.
A walk may improve your appetite,
but a tramp will eat you out of
house and home.
The man who cannot be beaten is
he who holds his headNup when he
has been beaten.-Everybody's Mag
azine.
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1903-08-25
The Retort Classical

The two rival candidates for office
were holding a joint discussion.
The one they called the judge had
a smattering of learning.
The one they called the colonel had
no learning, but he could talk the
bark off a tree.
"My opponent" says the colonel,
''says Pm against the Chinese exclu-
sion law. Now, for my own part, I
don't care the snap of my finger
whether the Chinese are allowed to
come to this country or not. They've
never done me any harm, and I'd as
just as lief they'd come here as the
Turks, or the japanese, or the Per-
slams, or any of them Asiatics."
Ode gustibus non disputandum,"
interrupted the other candidate.
you're pnother~ roared the col
onel. He got the applause.-Chica-
go Tribune.
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1903-08-25
The Answer of Christ

Well / know thy toll and trouble.
Often weary, fainting, worn,
I have lived the life of labor, heavy
burdens I have borne.
Never in a princes palace have I
slept on golden bed,
Never in a hermit's cavern have l
eaten ~unearned bread.
Born within a lowly stable, where
the cattle round Me stood,
Trained a carpenter in Nazareth, ]
have toiled and found it good.
They who tread the path of labor
follow where Ny feet have trod;
They who work without complaining
do the holy will of God.
Where the many toll together, there
am / among My own;
Where the tired workman sleepeth,
there am l with him alone.
I, the peace that passeth knowledge,
dwell amid the daily strife;
/, the bread of Heaven, am broken IN
the sacrament of life.
Every task, however simple, sets the
soul hat does it free;
Every deed of love and mercy, done
to man, is done to Me.
Thou hast learned the peaceful Sc
cret; thou hast come to me for
rest;
With thy burden, in thy labor, thou
art, Felix, doubly blest.
Never more thou needest seek me; I
am with thee everywhere;
"Raise the stone and thou shalt find
me; cleave the wood, and I am
there"
DR.. Henry van Dyke in the "Toil-
ing of Felix"
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1903-08-25
The Gambling Mania,

A few days ago the writer read
Robert Louis Stevenson's fascinat-
ing book, "The Wrecker." In that
work he tells about a school m
where in the United States where
the pupils were taught only the art
of specializing. 1t was in a way a
satire, but there is a good deal IN
real life nowadays which is equal to
the story. For example a gentle
man told me that he was in a "buck-
ct shop" not a great while ago, and
there saw a gentleman of proml-
hence, whose nam he did not men
ton, in company with his little son,
not quite twelve years of age, and
saw this child take in 500 which he
had just made by a fine deal in cot
ton futures, papa smiling approval
at this financial stroke. Are we not
becoming a nation of gamblers? Get
within a crowd and see how people
talk about futures, Notwithstanding
Chemical stock, and all that sort of
thing. Why the other day, n man
Che must have been a wage), declared
with an appearance of great truth
fulness that only a few clergymen,
old fogies and women did not know
the price of stocks. He said he
knew some ladies who dealt in fu-
lures, n of whom had made several
hundred dollars profit out of a deal
or two this year. Out at the races
in Memphis last April, the writer
saw the ladies going it heavy in the
betting ring and this is only another
manifestation of this gambling ma
MIA which is spreading so fast and
so far and which is affecting all
classes.-Raleigh Cor. Charlotte OBJ
server.
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1903-08-25

"There was the biggest spider on
your back 1 ever saw, SIR" said the
boy.
ooh, was there~ said the molli-
fed principal. "Thank you, my lad,
for knocking it off. Where is It
though?"
at escaped down that crack said
Durbin.
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1903-08-25
Epitaphs in the Cemetery of Failure.

Worry killed him.
He was too sensitive.
He couldn't say "No."
He did not find his place.
A little success paralyzed him.
He did not care how he looked.
He did not guard his weak point.
He was too proud to take advice.
He did not fall in love with his
work.
He got into a rut and couldn't get
out.
He did not learn to do things to a
finish.
He loved ease; he didn't like to
struggle.
He was the victim of the last mans
advice.
He was loaded down with useless
baggage.
He lacked the faculty of getting
along with others.
He could not transmute his knowl-
edge into power.
He knew a good deal, but could not
make it practical.-Success.
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1903-08-25
THE HOME CIRCLE
Four Things. y

Four things a man must learn to do
IF he would make his record true;
To think without confusion clearly;
To love his fellow man sincerely;
To act from honest motives purely;
To trust in God and heaven securely.
Henry van Dyke.
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1903-08-25

%Nos. 1876 and 1877 of our series of the Worlds
Best Poems, selected especially for The Pro-
gressive Farmer by the Editor. In this series
selections from the following authors nave
already appeared: Burns, Bryant, Mr.. and
Mrs; Browning, Byron, Goldsmith, Holmes,
kipling, Lanter, LOngfellOw, Lowell, Mark
ham, Macaulay, Milton, Moore, Poe, Pope
ennysOn FtmrOd, Riley, Ryan, Scott,
Sh0kespeare, Shelley, and others.
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1903-08-25
Strength and Virtue Should Go Hand j.
Hand,

IN liz NCllAfHH6
in New York City a few DAYS AGO
President Roosevelt said:
81 desire to see in this country tho
decent men strong and the stronu
men decent, and until we get that
combination in pretty good shane wo
are not going to by any means be as
successful as we should be. There i
always a tendency among very strono
men and among boys who are not
quite young men as yet, to think that
to be wicked is rather smart; it shows
that they are men. Oh, how often
you see some young fellow who
boasts that he is going to see life.
meaning by that he is going to see
hat part of life which it is a thou
sand-fold better if it remains un-
seen. [ ask that every man here con
stitute himself his brothers keeper
by setting an example to that young
er brother which will prevent him
from getting such a false estimate
of life as that. Example is the most
potent of all things. If any n of
you in the presence of younger boys,
and especially the younger people of
your family, misbehave yourself, if
you use coarse and blasphemous Ian
guage before them, you can be sure
that these younger people will follow
your example and notice your pre-
cept. 1t is no use to preach to them
if you do not act decently yourself.
You have got to feel that the most
effective way in which you can preach
is by your practice. These boys are
not going to admire virtue that is
of a purely academic type. They
believe in courage, in manliness.
They admire those who have the
quality of being brave, the quality
of facing life as life should be faced,
the quality that must stand at the
root of good citizenship in peace or
war. If you are to be effective as
good Christians you have got to pos
sess strength and courage, or your
example will count for little with the
young men of the Holy Name Socie-
ty; by your example give those young
people the tendency in the right di-
rection. I want to see every man
able to hold his own with the strong,
and also ashamed to Cypress the
weak. [ want to see him too strong
of spirit to submit to wrong, and on
the other hand ashamed to do wrong
to others. I want to see each man
able to hold his own in the rough
work of actual life outside, and also
when he is at home, a good man, I'M
selfish in dealing with wife or moth
er or children.
"In the last analysis the whole flu
ture State depends upon the average
citizen having in his nature the mix
ture of strength and honesty, which
make in them what we call good cit
liens, to the making of which go
many qualities but three above ALL
In the first place, the quality of hon
esty; we have got to have that first
am 1sino If in IFS hrOadeSt sense
The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1903-11-18
GALES.

j. w. Marvin is on the sick list.
E. Hummer and family Sundayed at
s. L. Gales.
Owen Carney was on the sick list
last week.
Ser Bros have purchased thresh-
ing machine.
Frank Reynolds returned from Red
wood Friday
CO.. Nelson and family went to Mil
roy Wednesday.
Peter Praxel moved onto the Schan-
dera farm Tuesday.
J. E. Leonard recently bought two
seated top buggy.
Mr. and Mrs. P. H. Kelly spent
Thursday evening at Nettie-wyynnt.
A. M. Grunden has made a barb
wire fence on the west side of his farm
Miss Mabel Taylor came Thursday to
visit her uncle and family. s. p. Hicks.
Mrs. H. VanDorsten went to Sebeka
Tuesday to attend her fathers funeral
H. A. Rogers drill d we'll on Sec
ton 81 for s. P. Hicks, and has another
flowing well.
Mothers Cirde were royalty enter
tanned Wednesday by Mrs. Henry
Nelson. They will meet with Mrs
Shaver on the 18th.
The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1903-11-18
REAL ESTATE TRANSFERS.

August Hasten to Christ Senger, 81
of mel, section IA, Lamberton, $2,4OO.
Syyer Svenson to Christ Senger, nj
of mel, section IA. Lamberton, $2,O5O.
Martha Anderson ct al to Andrew
Anderson, WI of mel, section IS, Willow
Lake. $1,000
w. & st. P. R.'R Go. to Valentine
Glib, ea of ne4, section 5, Gales, ST.
265.4O.
Pamela D. Hitchcock to VIM. A.
Albrecht, nw4 of sw4, section %, Ell of
sci section % and e2 of mel, section 80,
Homer, $500.
John Koenig to D. F. Raddatz, sci of
section II, Waterbury, S., 12O.
Edw. G. H. Scharmann to J. G. H.
Scharmann, e9 of sw3, section 81,
Charlestown, $3.50.
Thos. Brophy to H. Nj. Reichert, lot
q, block 6, Vesta, 81, 800.
Hans Madsen to Nels Madsen. sw1
af nwl and lot 8. section 9. Rrookville,
So 900.
Laird-Nortcn Co. to Redwood Falls
Farmers Elevator Co., tract in block l.,
Hitchcock's third addition to Redwood
Falls, 1925.
Western Town Lot Co. to Margretta
Nancy, lot 1, block 1, Wabasso, 500.
John Olsen to School district Il, tract
in ne4 of sell section s, Shutdown.
Gustav kamholz to Lars George.
part of sw4 of mel, section 26, Morgan,
$223.5O.
Western Town Lot Co. to H. Ben
dixen and H. F. Dirks. lot 10, block 2
and lot 6, block 8, Milroy, 500.
Thomas McNaughton to w. J. Nc
Cracker, NJ of section % and sw4 of
section Is, Underwood, $4,000.
G. F. Chapman to e. H. Beer, nw4
of sci, section s, Redwood Falls.
Leo Aftermath to Emil Aftermath,
nw4, section q, Willow Lake, $4,000
Western Town Lot Co. to Oscar
Erickson, lots 20 and q. block Z, Mil
roy, 300.
Western Town Lot Co. to Henry F.
Dirks, lot 2, block 2, Lucan, 5000.
Hubert H. Ross to Anton Stitch, 81
of nw4, section 4, Willow Lake, So, 600.
Minniett Partridge to Lucinda A.
Hollen beck, 8. 100 acres of sci, section
| 20 Sprinpdala S3 600
Chas. B. Shelton to M. B. Cheshire,
lots 10 and 20, block %, Walnut Grove,
$780,
Greger Huseby to ]. M. Thompson
WI of sci, section SO, Vesta, $1,000.
G. A. Hagen to State Bank of Bel
view, lot Z. block 1. Belview.
David Alexander to Isaac Johnson
mel of sci, section "a, and sci of mel
and mel of sci, section 81, Sheridan,
10000.
Alva E. Jones to Lamont E. Jones,
lots and 4, section Is, Gales, $500.
James Gaynor to Grace A. Carte, sci
of section 80, Springdale, $3.50.
Western Town Lot Co. to Henry G.
Ohlsen, lot 5, block 6, Wanda, $123.35.
Thomas J. Dickson to H. G. Ohlsen,
lot II, block 8, Wanda, $3.50.
The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1903-11-18
A Remarkable Case.

One of the most remarkable cases of cold
deep-seated on the lungs. causing pneumon-
ia is that of Mrs. Gertrude E. Fenner. Mar
ion, Ind. who was entirely cured by the use
of One Minute Cough Cure. She says: THE
coughing and straining so weakened me
that ran down in weight from 148 to 90
pounds. tried a umber of remedies to no
avail until used One Minute Cough Cure
Four bottles of this wonderful remedy cur
ed me entirely of the cough. strengthened
my lungs and restored me to nv normal
weight, health and strength" Sold by all
dealers.
The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1903-11-18
A Good Name.

From personal experience l testify that
DeWitt's Little Early Risers are unequalled
as liver pill. They are rightly named be-
cause they give strength and energy and do
their work with ease.--W. T. Easton, Bourne,
Tex. Thousands of people are using their
tiny little pills in preference to all others,
because they ar SO pleasant and effectual.
They cure billiousness. torpid liver. jaundice
and sick headache. They do not purge and
weaken, but cleanse and strengthen. Sold
by all druggists.
The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1903-11-18

the pale Of reason and consistency.
But if board as at present consti-
tuted and selected, is just or con-
sistent, it would be equally just and
consistent to have board composed
of three justices OF the peace to re-
view the decisions of the supreme
court. It might be urged that the
members of the appeal board are
honest men with good intentions,
and that they are as capable as any
one with similar experiences. That
has been admitted. It is also true
that three justices of the peace might
be found equally honest and well
meaning.
But this is not all. There is no
good reason why the members of the
appeal board should be taken from
any particular occupation or class.
When sample of grain is taken to
the appeal board there is only
one grade which it is entitled
to rec Give; and if the members of
the board are competent and honest
they will give it that grade. They
could give it no other, no matter
what their occupations we're or
with what class their sympathies
lay. If their official acts were gov
erned by their sympathies they
would not be fit for service, no mat
ter how competent they might be.
What is wanted is board COM
posed of men who are both compe-
tent and honest. Such board could
do no wrong or injustice. But if,
as many allege, the governor is
obliged to appoint men who are in
competent through lack of expert
ence and training, in order to com,
ply with provision of the law that
they shall come from a particular
calling, then the law should be
amended at the first opportunity.
W. NJ. T.
The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1903-11-18
TWIN CITY LETTER

Appeal Board Of the State Inspection De-
partment-Its Members, Under the
Law, Chosen From Class Which Can
not, in the Nature of Things, Be Com
petent-Right in Principle, But Absurd
in Practice.
The Seattle Republican., 1903-02-27
SEMI CENTENNIAL CELEBRATION


Olympia will celebrate the semi
centennial of the creation of the pres
ent State of Washington into a terri
tory by President Pierce March I'd,
1853, and an elaborate pragram has
been arranged for both the afternoon
and evening of the day of the celebra-
ton. In the afternoon the exercises
will be held in the opera house and the
principal speakers will be Hon. c. Fl.
Hanford, U. S. District Judge; Hon.
Ezra Meeker, president State Histori-
cal Society; Clarence B. Bagley and
others. The evening banquet will be
addressed by DR.. ]. j. Smith, Presi-
dent of the state senate; Hon. w. E.
Humphrey, congressman-elect, sub
ject, "The Ladies; Hon. Allen Weir,
president Pioneer Association, sub
ject, Pioneers; Hon. Harvey w.
Scott, editor-in-chief Oregonian, "The
Press; Hon. Miles G. Moore, the
Walla Walla banker, Washington
First Governor" responded to by Her
Last; Hon. Herman d. Grow, state
senator from Spokane "The Inland
Empire" Then will follow miscella-
neous remarks by a number of old
pioneers who have seen this section
of Uncle Sans great domain grad
ually transformed from a bowling
wilderness to a beautiful blooming
garden, so to speak The centennial
celebration is to be more of a con4pari-
son between the pioneer days of
Washington with the present time
than a mere jubilee of good things.
Historical "reminiscences, the relating
of which will be done principally by
old pioneers, will be highly interesting
to all and the fact that joint COM
mittee from the eighth Legislature
will participate in the proceedings
viii lend further dignity to the occa-
sion. The personnel of those who will
take part in the exercises is likewise
worthy of much consideration They
are all men of sterling ability and re-
markable careers and whatever they
may say will be of much historical in
terest to the cosmopolitan citizenship
The Seattle Republican., 1903-02-27
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
Kounty Jale. Seattle. Feb.

Kounty Jale, Seattle Feb.
Dear Fayther. Whin yez see the
aboove yez will want an iKplination.
Oil tell yez how it wuz. The trubble
wuz gittin worse an worse an fayther
Abraham sent fur me an sez, sez he.
Moike sum body must go to jale, will
yez be a prostitoot
How much, 'sez OF.
How much, sez he.
How long, sez Oh.
Oi don't no, sez he.
Oil konsider it, sez Oi, and left him.
Thin | went to me lawyer an tould
him Fayther Abraham wants me fur
his prostitoot. The lawyer nearly kilt
himself latin. He sez, sez he. He
wants yez for substitoot. Phat's the
difference, sez Oh He laffed an sez,
sez he, don't you rimember Adolf
Krug, he wus subStitoot. Holy poker,
sez Oi, is that it. Yes, sez he. Now is
yer chance Moike Yez will get a
foine salry now. o hell, sez o. Oi
don't want to disgrace the Doogen
family wild goin to jale. The untalin
reich sed sez he, the hole sivin uf
yez wild the men who prostitooted yez
ought to be in jale. Wild that Oh give
him a clip on the jaw that sint him
under the table, he crawled up on the
other side the table and sed, wuz that
a joke, Moike? Oi sed if you wus jok-
in it wus.
Thin my lawyer made the dale fur
me an here Oh am fayther, an whin
Oi get out Oil by Log Cabin Saloon
for livery wan of the DOogen family.
Oi explane my prisence in jale in this
letter, but in my mkt letter Oil tell
you about thin inquisitive fellers sit
The Seattle Republican., 1903-02-27

Rev. ]. c. Thonis, who has for the
past two years or more been quite
conspicuously in the public eye, re-
ceived a set back at the hands of a
senate committee last Monday that
he will not soon forget Rev. Thoms
in the past has been quite conserva-
tive in his public utterances, but in
his sermon last Sunday in Olympia
he turned loose a flood of abuse upon
the senate COMMITTEES that had charge
of the slot machine bill that verged
dangerously near to criminal libel.
The committee sent for him and ad-
ministered a roasting to him that he
will not soon forget If he did not
completely ruin the chances of the
passage of the bill then he almost did
it,
The Seattle Republican., 1903-02-27
Continued on page 3
MIKE DOOGEN IN JAIL
4.E.F.s+FEF+.F+++++++++++E

I tin up in the kort house.
The examination made by Fayther
Abraham before yez kan git in the
council is not the same at ALL at ALL
Fayther Abraham wants to no phat
yez will do thin jintlemen wants to
no phat yez has dun it makes dom
site Nv difference. Oi tell yez, we
made the fool mistake NV havin a
matin wild sum fool people to thro dust
in their eyes about the Snooqualmie
franchise an our fule dutchman asked
thin if they wud be satisfide wild the
same kind NV a franchise that Shuttle
ton fur the Seattle Electric Company.
That poker deck that Oh told yez
about was marked an it got me
mark on the top NV me he'd two inches
long wild four stitches in it now, but
it wusent marker" to that Shuttle
ton franchise, it will take litter a
yard long to tell yez phat Oi hev to
say in my next.
Yure lovin sun,
MIKE DOOGEN.
City Haul, temporary in jale as
pros-substitoot.
P. S.-Holy poker, here cooms Guv.
Simple, Oh sez to him, sez Oil where's
Fayther Abraham an Mr.. Perry an
the other bys. An are yez a pros-sub-
stitoot too? Nav, sez he Ohm it. Oi
don't care fur Perry, its the loife of
my charter that's in danger, but my
loyer will get me out wild "hokus
pokus." Plat in hell is that, sez OF,
an why don't Fayther Abraham git
wan of thin things fur me.
Ohm loolin fur koompany now as
Ohm a pros-substitoot an only wan
count. MIKE.
The Seattle Republican., 1903-02-27

clone by the time it gets well under
way, Much has been said about the
actions of the thirteen" that will be
talked over again and will not be in
a Sunday school when it is talked
over. Something is going to drop,
and drop hard at that.