The Minneapolis journal., 1903-12-19

Twas the night before Christmas
And all thru the house
Not a .crea ture was stirring,
Not even mouse;
The stockings had been hung by the
chimney and all the family had retired for
the night, when Tad and Little Billy came
creeping quietly down the stairs into the
front room. Tad was z and Billy was 5.
Tad held in his mighty fist d big revolver
that he carried away out in front of him
very gingerly and all four of the eyes of
the midnight bandits were very wide open.
The old buck hasn't come down the
ch1mley yet, said Tad, looking at the
Lucky were ahead of him. said Billy,
We'll hold him up good and plenty and
get about half of his stuff
Yes said Tad. stockings is too slow
for US. The American boy can do up
Santa if anybody can, [ guess. Lucky pop
don't know we've got his resolver. He'd
have a fit.'
Pops awful afraid o firearms replied
Billee. Wonder how long Santy'll be in
'Oh, an hour. pr'aps''
Lets sit down near the fireplace where
We can get the drop on him.
The two little fellows sat down, talked
a little in whisper, yawned about hum
dred times and finally laid down on the
rug because they We're so sleepy.
The next morning when the real Santa
Claus, namely mamma, came to fill the
stockings. she found the two terrible boy
bandits sound asleep with the gun lying
beside them on the rug.
The picture was so charming that pop
never scolded them for stealing the re-
NolVer and when, they walked UP they
found the things all i'll the stocking, so
Santa Claus never got held up at all.
Perhaps he looked in the window and just
waited for them to fall asleep.
We'll fix him next year." said Billee,
Darn it ALL
Life has offered a prize for the best es-
say on The Meanest Railroad in the
United States.' We've all had to pay our
fare on it when the other fellow was tray
cling on his face.
Inere IS said to be man on the North
Side who argues for the sake of ascer-
tanning truth and not to sustain his own
side.
The Janltor that refused to fix the door
or to start up the heat on that cold morn
ing might be able to use a few Christ
mas cigars without making himself sick. Z
Victor Smith in the New York Press
has been figuring up on the awful weight
OF adverse thought that is turned on Mr..
Rockefeller. He shows how the magnate
sells to New York, annually besides his
Oil, gas and electric light to the value of
S23, 10000 Thus he is competing with
hlmself-oil against gas and electricity.
Every householder and fiat dweller swears
at his gas bill once a month; therefore
MIR. Rockefeller is sworn at $50. .O63 times
a month, or 6,612,756 times a year. Max
ing allowance for some exaggeration. il
Is still evident that the oil king is get
ting a whole lot of very malicious absent
treatment.
When little daughter began taking mu-
sic lessons last spring she couldn't even
run the scale. Now she runs father.
Heat and cold from cold water at the
cost of a song is claimed for new in
Ventlon now being perfected by a drug
slst- OF Chicago He says that he has
found inexpensive chemicals which sem
arate water into its constituents hydrogen
and oxygen, and believes that he will be
able to furnish gas for heating at Is cents
per 100000 feet and for lighting at %
cents per 100000 feet which will reyo-
IutlOnlze the Industrial world But what
in heavens name will we do for our water
When the supply is all used up?
Those of us who have never been able
ern magazine are very sore at the variety
OF poetry so much worse than ours that
is printed monthly. A St Louis news
paper poet is SO cross over the situation
that he prints a correct imitation of Lit
Tie Boy Black, pOeticaI work by Grace
MacGoWan Cooke, in the Century Maga-
zine for December, which he saws: in
made to give those readers not familiar
with current literature an idea of tha
t1omerlc qualities of the poetry now being
puphShed by some Of our periodicals. His
wicked imitation is as follows:
Little boy blue, come call your par
Oh. my! Oh. me,
Down at tie corner, at Henry's place
Hes merpinS up booze at fearful pace
OH, my! Oh, me:
Now, wouldn't such conduct make you raws
oh. my, Or. me,
Why won't he stay home. like decent man
If he needs must get zizzy, and rush the can I
Oh, my, Oh, me- q
Oh, gee.
The joyous Christmas season is Will,
us once again, and everybody is supposed
to be feeling full of good will to men to
be laying aside the hammer of the knocker
and to be greeting his brother man as a
real brother. There is only one party
that this column is feeling much maIic,
toward at this joyous season. and that
party is the Old Man Booze For this
reason we reprint what Hall Caine- the
novelist, says about him:
.'''.'-''' ---..--.....--....
1t is a dark and difficult problem but
one thing ] see clearly, namely. that
drink is the greatest and most baneful
hEpnot1st on the earth at present and
that its influence is more awful than
q: any plague. more devastating than aTy
war Iookin: back from more than
middle life. j can hardly remember a
8: case of wreck and ruin that has not
been. directly indirectly. the result
of drink. 1T is a terrible roll-call my
memory goes thru of men of good and
even brilliant opportunities who
dead, or worse than dead. at the hands
cf the great hypnotist.
= ..'...-.,...... E
And what man of middle life cannot
| say the same? Flippant stories are often
told of the Smartness and wonderful
| achievements of many Incorporate men.
but their subsequent failures and sad
| finishes are not SO often mentioned.
| Old Man Booze is a cheerful old buck
at first. and he helps things go off with
| a rattle and bang. but five times out of
| ten he hangs around quietly until he gets
| you going; then he is merciless. He
pounds your face into the earth before
| you can get a line on him.
| Old Man Booze can't get any of our
| Christmas money.
A Miss Estella Forbes, who has been