The Savannah morning news., 1903-07-19
cHoATE OR DEPEW?

,I.prs Tells the best anu rum
lest stcriess
,ordtng to the New York World,
15or Joseph Choate, United States
.,n.zsador to the Court OF ST James,
authorized the collection of his
ma timer speeches, toasts, jokes and
which has just been published
),,,,,eron. Blake & Co, New York.
N r5on Chauncey NJ. Depew hith-
ragarded as the premier dispenser
',' I,,ins and cranks. has already is
his own particular brand OF hui
s1eu The Depew book is published
~, = Tennyson Neey, ,..,. ,.,-
Nrhe publication of Mr.. Choates DOCK
lur r,iprded by the friends of Mr.. De-
Is direct attempt to remove
pe" tbe bald and awful brow of that
flo'" ~ ofter-dinner statesman the
me 9l' Of humor which he has been
au! ,,1ating for almost half GEN.
fury. -, hoe already arisen as to
Aa humorous merits of these two
EEanncelots of oratory. Whlcn OF tneIn
"a. The funniest stories? Which of
tens do YOU think. should wear the
urls or the bays, or the oak leaves,
ID III p.,tever may be substituted for
Vi id-tirne form of decoration?
U,ho world offers the following sto-
Ia" Examples of the qualities of
each man:
TOLD BY CHOATE.
Female Beauty.
.>-o,,. " said Mr.. Choate, glancing up
-s,,iringlv at the ladies' gallery at Del
an!icn's abloom with lovely women,
.lnat,, understand what the Scripture
igasa means: Thou maddest man a
I;ttIa lower than the angels.
seats for the Mighty.
nomnous young man hustled into
- ofice This Mr.. Choate?"
A' sves" responded the distinguished
liver with his blandest SMILE.
"yUeIl I'm Mr. Wherefore of Will
berforce & Jones"
pe drsEe a chair. sir" said Choate, with
q wave of his hand.
INV father was a cousin of Bishop
Wilberforce, and =
..Take two chairs" said Mr.. Choate.
After-Dinner OratOry.
A. a dinner of the St. Nicholas Club
60 an anecdote about himself told by
nr DepeW, Mr. Choate retorted: I've
heard Depew hailed as the greatest art
er-dinnsr speaker in America. If aft
er-dinner speaking is, as 1 believe it is
Defined. the art of saying nothing al
all. then DR.. DeDew is the most mar
velous speaker in the universe"
Mrs. ChOate's Second Husband.
One of his wittiest sayings was made
over a private dinner table at which
he and Mrs. Choate were guests. Some
one injured of him who he would like
10 be,if he could not be himself. HI
paused a few seconds. as if thinking
over the list of the worlds celebrities
and then his eye rested upon his wife
If" he answered, 81 could not be nay
self l should like to be Mrs. Choate':
second husband"
Choate and Depew.
In replying to a toast at a public
dinner Mr.. Choate said: "A reporte
asked me last week for this speech
l told him l had no copy. How can
make an after dinner speech before
dinner? Said he, Well, we have Mr.
Depews in cold type Mr.. Depev
spoke shortly after. 1.-The reporter,
he said, called on me and said, as t.
Choate, have them ALL but alsC
yours?' Said 1, NO Well said he
'Choate has. And after reading it
came to the conclusion that he mus
have written it himself"
On His Ambassnd Orship.
81 doubt if any man ever befor
found his oountrymen so glad to ge
rid of him. AS to my recent appoint
ment I've been told that I resembleC
the English convicts who were sent t.
Botany Bay, in that 1 am sent abroad
for my country's good"
On Porter and Depew.
At a New England society Dime
Gen. George Porter and Mr.. Depev
were both present. Mr.. Choate's fac
fairly beamed with delight as he ex
tended to them a greeting tina
brought down the house. IL am sure,
he said, you would not allow me t
quit this pleasing programme if di
not felicitate you upon the presence o
two other gentlemen-those twin-rai
fellows, well met at every festiv
board, without whom no banquet
ever complete. I mean, of course, MI
Depew and Gen. Porter. Their splen
did efforts on a thousand fields Xix
this have fairly won their golde
spurs. I forget whether it is Pytha
goras or Emerson who finally decide
that the soul of mankind is locate
IN the stomach, but these two gentle
men, certainly by their achievement
on such arenas as this, have demon
strated at least this rule of anatomy
mat the pyloric orifice is the shortes
cut to the human brain. Their we
won title of first dinner orators is tn
true survival of the fittest, for I as
sure you that their triumphant strug
giles in all these many years at scene
like this would long ago have laid a
The rest of us under the table, if nc
under the sod. And so think in you
names may bid them welcome, thric
WelCome-duo fulmina belli,"
On Lord Aberdeen.
characteristic remark of MI
Choate was made about Lord Aber
oeen at a dinner in New York, wher
the then governor general of Canad
was the principal guest, appearing il
hilts in honor of his Scotch entertain
ers. Aberdeen had made neat speech
ana the applause had hardly cease
"hen Choate was introduced, and pro
ceeded to say some complimentary.
ulngs of the last speaker and to de
ware that if he had known that h
was to be permitted to sit next to hi
distinguished Scotch friend. the COVER
nor general of Canada, "this Gordol
VI the Gordons,' he, too. would hav
SoHne without his trousers. 1t was au
uaclous, but the killed guest was soon
est 70 catch its humor and led tn
laughter it produced.
On Mr.. DeDew.
little girl being sent to spend tn
si'ernoon with friends was told to o
eeeh ana not heard. When the chill
Solle back she said she had been yer.
soou-had said nothing, but listene'
D., a. Il a