Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1903-08-03
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Il uun Know, mum. | amt looked at
1t or fetched it; an If it's cracked it
wuz cracked afore | come here. New
York Observer.
children" said the teacher, what
lesson do we learn from the life OF
Washington?' THAT it is better to be
the Father of His Country than the
father of snub-nOsed boy"
Doctor" said the young student, SIS
scarlet fever very contagous?' Not
very. my boy. But you can increase
your fee by giving medicine to every
one in the family where it occurs"
Borem stopping acquaintance)-I
say. old man, let me give you point
er. = Knowem breaking away
Don't want it--no place to keep dog
don't like dogs, anyway.-Chicago
News.
Iarry-Fhwas thor liver inything my
more wonderful thon tn camel going
tro tn eye av tn nadle? Denny-Yis.
Owe sane me 2O0-pound ould woman
go tro me visit pocket, bedad!Chicago
News.
Count Waiter, | can't eat
that chicken. Where did you get it--at
rummage sale? Waiter-No, sab. We
had dat chicken in stock long befO'
rummage sales war ever invented
Judge.
Jimmy-Does your mother tell your
father when you do something bad?
Johnny-Yes; but it isn't to please him;
it's only because there's no one else
around to tell it to.-Boston Tran
script
Pat Gust landed, and seeing street
surveyors at work)-I say, Moike,
phwat be thin men doin'? Mike-Oi
J dunno, Pat; but Oi guess they do be
layin' wires fer tn wireless telegraph.
Judge.
"Now. johnny" said the teacher. who
had been describing warship to the
class. 'how is the deck divided:' "A
deck is divided" replied the bright boy,
Into spades. hearts, diamonds, and
clubs. "-Philadelphia Press.
Belated kindness; Mr. Smith Gin
street car)-Madam. take my seat.
Mrs. Jones (who has been standing tif-
teen minutes,-No, thanks. get off at
the next corner. Mr. Smth-That's all
right. So do I.-Chicago Journal.
Our honeymoon has been perfect,
hasn't it, DEAR" Yes. Clarence"
"And you have nothing to regret:'
Not exactly. dear. only | was just
thinking that it wouldn't he n novelty
next time. Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Hint for the housewife: To make
an automobile salad-Take pncuna-
tic tire, squeeze out the wind, wipe
dry, run it through the meat-chopper.
mix with crushed stone. cover with Il
dressing oil of gasoline. sand. and
train oil, and garnish with accident
policies.-.Iudge.
Proved: Mother-"The whipping you
had yesterday docs not seem to have
improved you. Your behavior has
been even worse to-day" Willie
"That's what wanted to prove. You
said was as bad as possibly could
wrong" -Tit-Bits
Physician-"The truth can no long =
be hidden. madam. | am obliged to
tell you that your little son is-cr--
weak minded; that is-wcll, it must
be sa,d-he is an idiot" Mrs. IIighup
How fortunate it is that we are
rich. No one will ever notice it,
New York Weekly.
Asks pardon: Warden-"IIe was the
coolest and most thoughtful convict
that ever broke jail" Jenkins-'That
SOP Warden-"Yes. He left behind
him note to the governor of the
State beginning: 1 hope you will par
don me for the liberty I'm taking. "
Philadelphia Public Ledger.
Thrilling moments: Johnnie" called
the mother, II want you to 20 to tn
store for me- "Wait second maw.'
replied the youth. who was absorb d
In a five-cent volume; "Popperhole Pc q
has thirty-seven lnjuns to kill. an it'll
only take him about two minutes
Columbus (Ohio) State journal.
The dentist was kind: Did the den
fist hurt you much, Elsie?" asked her
mother. solictiously. Yes, mamma"
replied the small girl; but he was
very nice every time he did" VERY
nice? How do you mean?' 'Why, he
always said Ouch" before | could
Cincinnati Commercial Tribune.
Anxious Wife-What do you think
of my husbands case? Is it serious
Physician-Oh, he'll pull through all
right. What he needs is rest. so |
have prescribed an opate. Anxious
Wife-How often shall | give it to
him? Physician-Don't give it to him
at all; take it yourself .-Chicago News.
Angry voice from top of stairway
-"Nerena. what did you let him in
for? You know we don't allow can
I.