The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1903-01-23
PENSION OFFICE LETTERS.
Some Queer Missives Received by
OfioiaIs From Annlicants.

The average tale that is told in the
oFlelai papers that drift into the govern
ment archives at Washington by the thou
safaas dauy is what has come to be known
as a human interest story" There are
dreary wastes of platitude and heaviness,
WeatlSoIae monotony- and hard luck
stories galore But amidst all these re-
AeNlng the tedium of the rest are bright
bits of unconscious humor. sharp salIies. Of
Wit ana expressions strildngly original and
funny Strange as it may seem the great
DuiA OF the queer among the official
mails reaches the pension bureau, that
great natural Mecca of the stories of pa
thos and suffering. The veterans have 9
way OF writing epigrammatic letters on oc-
caslon. ana OF drifting into The late
President Lincoln's habit of Illustrating
points with anecdotes culled from per
sonal experiences. The following from a
man who is something Of a fataIist in
his way Will show a peculiar vein of
thought and expression
i AlWase Been a Publican Party
4 AlWase Saciated with it.
i Been turned Down hi it
7 Reed my Bibel-'
Il find from 1t hel is doomed
i am also doomed.
i sDoas must go to the Boanard."
Down in Smoky Valley. Kan, lives n
veteran who evidently regards the re-
ceipt of an official letter from Washing
ton a mark of distinction and i'm
portance- Presumably he wanted to show
the answer to his neighbors as an earnest
in Washington. For this is what he wrote
to the commissioner of pensions, ad lit
CI6itll ana III lot0s
Dear Ser:-I haven't got nothin espeshel
to write about but Just thOte I would
congratulate you on the effercacy of your
work in geural and your standing as a
nigh and onerhel gent in particlar- 1 would
like TO have the oner of your repli in ten
days written or typewriter &c
It is not to be supposed. of course, that
a pensioner or his witnesses are masters
of medical phraseology. Sometimes. how
ever the veteran Wancers from the pain
of generalites followed by most lay
minds and gets the vernacular of the
medical fraternity mixed to rather
ridiculous degree Thus the following was
discovered in the papers filed by claim
ant who was seeking pension under the
general laws Paralysis of right side has
gradually extended to adjacent parts 81
the brain matter causing paralysis of ap-
plicatiOu and intention" What he really
meant and what he was pensioned for was
paralysis of the right forearm resulting
from a shell wound.
Many man has been taught the value
of attention and details. but il is not eV-
erybody who needs the receipt But no
long ago a man who gives evidence OF
ieNe ir gdttering gener9lltieS had THU
to say in an affidavit filed in pensiO-
claim to show the widowed claimants
financial standing
only two horses and two cows and Yer.
young colt, two horse wagon wortl
about SIS. Had some other property
when soldier died. namely. two mules
one team Of horses. one heifeT, and on
steer. One mule died. one heifer Wa
killed by lightning The remaining null
was sold to defray funeral expenses an'
other debts. one horse was taken sick
after which was not worthy of attention
since that time and the horse was givel
/ tors bills and other debts. and furthe
affiant sayeth nOt."-St. Paul Dispatch.