The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-07-04

Tom
Bomb.
Fourth of July.
Thrown.
Blown
UD III the sky.
Senator Blackburn of Kentucky re-
turned from a trip recently with the
statement that he had lost nearly all
his baggage. In answer to questions
he said he had not left il behind nor
had it been stolen. and. when further
pressed, admitted that the cork had
come out.
The Cuban treaties have all been
signed, the Philippine cable is almost
laid, the first appropriation for the
Parley's canyon reservoir has been
voted. we have been admitted to the
Pacific National league, the baby has
cut tooth, the grocery bill is paid,
this is the glorious Fourth, and we
feel all right.
And. after all. the pOstoffice defcien-
cy is only S4,617,20S
In this fair land Of liberty
1t seems to be our luck
To have each day lynchin' bee
And a-killin' in Old Kaintuck.
King Edwards reply to King Peter
may be taken as one of those polite
responses demanded by etiquette, but
not necessarily sincere.
Moreover, many people who did
not take part in the celebration early
this morning showed their patriotism
by keeping awake.
We note that the output of the mint
for the fiscal year just ended broke all
previous records. but we are reluctant
~ forced to admit that none of the
increase came our way.
She swept into a Salt Lake livery
stable with the air of an offended
queen. "Liveryman." she said, in
naughty tone. "how did you dare to
send me such a rig as the one that
came TO my house sast night? How
did you dare, l repeat2" And she
transfXed him with a look that would
have soured a bottle of poison. Why.
ma'am.'' murmured the iveryman,
apologetically, that was the best rig
in the barn. II cost me S1.100 and it
has not been used two weeks. It's one
Of the latest things in town and I have
never had anyone complain about il.
I give you my word. it's the best livery
rig in the town" That doesn't mat
ter. returned the dame. never relax
ing her attitude Of angered majesty.
L NEVER MLlL SUCH a lUluE DIS lutAN
sent to me again. The idea Of my
having to visit my friends in such n
thing as that" And she stalked away
with her regal air. leaving the at
mOSphere of the stable saturated with
the odOr OF crab apple blossom. 100 [
ell is that?" inquired one of the race
horse men sitting in the entrance Z
Some millionaire's wife2" Not
hardly" said the liverymaH. Mil 4
lionaires' wives never talk like that.
This woman runs a ribbon counter in
a store down the street. She comes
and hires a rig and drives around
about twice during the summer Her
mother used to do our washing until
about a year ago. when this girl got
her ribbon job. It's people who don't /
amount to nOthin' who always talk so
chesty. The rig this woman had is
one of the SWEETEST in town. She was
just afraid everybody wouldn't know I
she had that ride. I know her kind"
And this. dear brethren. is the way
of the world.
City Attorney Nye should have a
care and not press his suit against |
Judge FernstrOm too vigorously. /
Three local lawyers may get in seri- !
Gus trouble as a result of their cOnnec- |
ton with suit against well known 4
jurist.
1t will be all right to go to the post /
office and pull down that registered \
letter now. The smallpox germs, it is /
thought, have all been assassinated.
The directors of the independent
Telephone company are evidently not |
orthodox POpulists, judging from their /
opposition to the middle of the road" /
idea.
w. F. Sloan. a well known business
man of Park City. has had trouble |
thrust upon him through his brother /
Mr.. Sloan came to Salt Lake last week /
to attend his brothers wedding and |
left notice on his door to the effect /
that he would return soon. Some of /
his friends saw this notice and
changed it to read: Gone to get mar
ried. VIII return after the honey
mOOn." MIR. Sloan, all unconscious at |
tended the wedding. transacted some !
business in Salt Lake and went home. /
He did not stop at his office, but went
directly to his home. Consequently |
he did not see the sign or his office /
door. About 1870 that night he vas
aroused by a hOrrid din outside. and
on going to the door, discovered an
charivari in full blast
Friends and neighbors who had seen
the second sign took it for a statement
OF fact and gathered to welcome the
young couple to Park City. Mr.. Sloan, |
as soon as he discovered what was
doing gave his visitors the definite as
surance that he was not married, but !
had merely attended his brothers we'd
ding. "Oh. come out of iti'' yelled the
crowd. Don't try to give us such a
stall as that. You're married: you
know you arei" Gentlemen and my
friends said Mr.. Sloan. solemnly, II
assure you on my knightly honor that
/ am not married. I swear that I am
still single. I assure you. gentlemen.
that I am no piker, and # I were so
fortunate as to be married I would
buy for the whole camp. But again.
I repeat. 1 am not the Sloan who was /
He kept on repeating this
TO no avail for about three hours. and.
as the story is told. was at length /
forced to make an affidavit that he
was not married, and permit the
serenaders to search the house before
fta7y 1ar,arfpG