Lincoln County leader. [volume] (Toledo, Lincoln County, Or.) 1893-1987, 1903-03-27

Z
thought it was new breakfast
food."-Chicago Daily News.
Henry, why do you smoke continu-
ally, from morning until night?" Its
the only time l get. sleep from
night till morning."-T Bits.
Rodrick-"You say he. has faced
bursting shells. What battle was he
in?" Van Albert-"None. He is
chestnut roaster." = Chicago Daily
News
Brown-"That sermon did me lot
of good" Rev. Longwind-"I'm glad
to hear it, young man." Brown-"Yes;
ia been up every night for week.
Judge.
A unique political announcement is
as follows: IF my creditors will elect
me to the office, and keep me in it,
I'll pay the last blamed one Of 'emw-
Atlanta Constitution.
Modern Way.-She-"And so they
were married in Junev' He-"Yes;
and six months later they were di-
vorced, and lived happily ever after"
Chicago Daily News.
He-"I don't see how you can say
such terrible things about another
woman" She-"You don't understand.
you silly. Why, Carrie is my dearest
friend. Boston Transcript
Led Astray.-St. Peter-"Which wife
do you want to live with?" Shade
Are they all here?" st. Peter-"Yes."
Shade-I thought you said this was
Heaven"-Detroit Free Press.
Tactless.-Blind Bill (who had lust
received copper)-"Thankee, sir;
thankee. l moo as you wouldn't fergit
the poor blind man Directly 1 see yer
come round the ."-Tit-Bits.
Generosity.-Father Visiting son at
college)-"Pretty good cigars you
smoke, my boy; can't afford cigars
like these" Son-"Fill your case, dad;
fill your case. Harvard Lampoon.
Bertie-"Are we any kin to chick
ens?" Gertie-"Of course not; we're
people," Bertie-"Well, Uncle Harry
says papa was a mighty bad egg when
he was youngstown and Country.
what, sir, 1 ask you, is as deeply
profound, as majestically impressive
as the silence Of eternity| HIM!
What about the silence just preceding
the curtain lecture ew-Baltimore News.
Yes, father, when l graduate am
| UntnO fn fN11nru
write for money" "Humph, John
you ought to be successful That's all
you did the four years you spent in
college. The Punch Bowl
Uncle George-Come, Harry, you
ought to get along better than you
are. The world owes you living, you
know. Harry-Yes; that's the reason
why there's no need of my working
for one, you know.-Boston Transcript.
"Loafey tells me he hasn't been so
busy for years." Nonsense! That
job he has is cinch. He never has
to work there" That's just it. He's
been fired; and he's chasing around
after another job now."-Philadelph
sPress.
He-But you didn't object to my
holding your hand when we went on
hay rides and other foolish excursions
this summer. And now that we are
alone She-That's just It'll There's
not another girl in sight to be jealous
Of me.-Cincinnati Tribune.
Herbert calls on me every evening""
said the confding girl Don't you
think that is a sign he really cares for
me?' II can't be sure" answered
Miss Cayenne, whether 1t indicates
that he is in love, or that coal Is scarce
at his house" Washington Star.
Entirely Satisfactory.-Th agent for
patent hair restorer received this tes-
timonial: Dear Sir: A few days ago
accidentally spilled some of your
hair hatcher on the straw mattress at
my lodgings. and when l returned
home found hair mattress. Tit
Bits.
A Cheerful Chap: Maud-DicS pro-
posed to me last night. Ella-What
did you tell him? Maud said he
had better ask mamma, and what do
you think the wretch said? ella
Goodness knows! Maud-He said he
had asked her already, and she
wouldn't have him, ,-Tit-Bits.
"And you're really lord?" said the
maiden. "Of course. Do you think
I'm an impostorj" "No; oh, no; but
papa says one can't be too cautions
these days. Would you mind bringing
me one of those abstracts of title I