The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1903-08-22
THE NONPAREIL MAN

over shocks of wheat and oats, kill MAIN
and scare the live stock, open up pasture
fences and leave down bars: and gates,
drive indoors the farmers family by reck- I
less shooting, bag a turkey or a tame
goose occasionally, laugh with innocent
glee to see the choice setter wrestle with
the choice sheep dig deep pits for goose
shooting, burn up a few tons of hay by
the excessive use Of coffin nails, spoil
many tanks of water that the over heated
setter may cool his rich blood, and Incl
dentally kill off every feathered thing in
the country, thereby removing any chance
that the farmer may enjoy taste of the
toothsome fowls his grain has raised and
fattened. If we catch any city sports
men shooting over our upper 40, we intend
to tell the constable.
When you awake in the night and the
wind is blowing the curtains straight out
into the room, and the windows are rat
ting and the house is full of ghosts you
find that many people, living people,
mean, who have almost passed out Of
mind, come troopfng back and you recall
their laughable, joyous and sometimes
sorrowful ways, and are glad that YOU
have been alive.
The other night, under these circurn-
stances, I found I was thinking of the
time when Death Johnson tried to set up
Sir William Thompson's galvanometer.
The college class which I then honored
with membership was laboriously but
pleasurably working it's way thru a text
book called Ganot's Physics" Professor
Carmichael had the experiments per-
formed before US, and to assist in these
| experiments he had a member of our
| upper class come in to take charge Of the
apparatus while the professor held forth
| in a sort Of lecture. Mr.. Johnson was
| most painstaking, steady, accurate, but
very slow, hence he was invaluable for
| scientific work such as studying the nove-
| ments Of bugs hind leg. But he was so
+ very slow that the boys, always looking
| for a characteristic to hang name to,
| called him Death Johnson. When we
| came in the text book one day to Sir
Williams valuable instrument Professor
Carmichael Strengthened his shoulders and
| said with some pride:
Mr.. Johnson will now set UP Sir VIII
liam Thompson's galvanometer?''
| Death left his seat and moseyed slowly
into the other room, whence he returned
bearing strange looking machine. While
| he was setting it up, the recitation and
lecture went on. But Death was so slow
that the hour passed without the machine
being In working order.
Never mind to-day, Mr.. Johnson"
said the professor, finally, I'VE will set
up Sir William Thompson's galvanometer
tom orrow."
| The next day, as soon as the class as
sembled, the professor said:
| Mr.. johnson will now set up Sir Will
| liam Thompson's galvanometer. Mean
time we will take up the text"
/ Death again proceeded to go thru the
motions, but the hour waned without re-
suit, and the instrument went over to an
other day. My remembrance is that Sir
Williams machine was a very delicate
one and that 1t required great care and
accuracy to adjust it. This, taken in con-
inection with Death Johnson's well-known
hesitancy in arriving anywhere, made it's
working a matter of extreme difficulty
The next day, when the professor opened
the recitation by saying, ''Mr. Johnson
will now set up Sir William Thompsons
galvanometer," a roar of laughter and ap-
plause went up from the class. The facts
are that we never saw Sir Williams ma
chine going. What it is for or what it
does, I do not know to this day. And
this dense and lamentable ignorance does
not seem to affect my present joy in liv-
Ing very much either. Death never got
the instrument set up-at least in time
for DIR generation of students to it
work.
Death Johnson was greatly interested
In military matters. He was captain,
major, general or something of that kind,
Of the college militia. The boys always
said that If there had been battle any
where, Death would have marched his
company up in excellent order. with bayo-
nets set, four or five days after the en-
counter. But perhaps not. You can't
tell. Wasn't 1t Hannibal, or somebody,
who wore the other fellow out ''by pru-
dent delay? A. J. R.