Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1903-04-25
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Of that, pa?" Kind father-"Yes. in
deed. I've been borrowing money OF
him for six months, and still he keeps
coming" Stray Stories.
Philosophic Murphy recovering from
twenty-foot falD- Well. l had to
come down for nails, anyway
Glasgow Evening Times.
Deacon Johnson-"What 20 dom
now, Abe?" Abe Hardcase-"Cleanm
out bank" Deacon Johnson-"Pres-
ident, cashier, bookkeeper. or janitor.'
-Leslie's Weekly.
Gilson-Bjenks consults his VIE
about everything. Wilson-So l I'M
derstand And generally does just ex-
actly opposite from what she says
Somerville Journal.
II think 1 have met you before.
Aren't you timekeeper for the Bloss
& Goss Company" mo, sir, am
singer of topical songs and know moth
ing at all about keeping time. kan
sas City Journal.
Farmer Hayditch Ito his neighbor,
Farmer Turniptop)-"Hallo! Going in
for barbedwire fencing, eh? Isn't 1t
rather dear?" Turniptop-"Yes, but
then you see my men don't waste time
sitting on it?"-Pick- Me-Up.
Drop me a linew cried the excur-
sionist who had fallen overheard.
whats the use?" calmly rejoned the
alleged funny man of the party.
There isn't any postotfice where you
are going. American Hebrew.
The Senate-"How long can you talk
without dropping dead in your
tracks," Senator Morgan-"That Is
not the question. How long can you
listen to me without dropping dead
In your tracks ?'-New York Evening
Post.
How they spend their time: She
"How's the motor-car getting on, Sir
Charles?" He-"Well, fact Is, I've
seen very little Of it. You see, I've
only had it three months, and when
it isn't in hospital, l am!'-Londcn
Punch.
Worked Both Ways: Jaggles--Are
they good divorce lawyers" Waggles
BEST in the business. They've origi-
mated over a hundred different ways
Of collecting alimony, and as many
more for evading the payment OF it,
Judge.
Effective: Bienks-"Do you believe
in the possibility of the cure of disease
by suggestion?" Bjinks-"Why, GER
tainiy | was feeling pretty sick last
week, and my wife suggested l go 10
a doctor and it cured me right away"
-Somcrville Journal.
Doctor makes no mistakes: Patient
But doctor, only last week you Salo
| would surely die, and to-day you see
[ am as well as / ever was" Doctor
Sir, | never make a mistake In
| diagnosis Your ultimate demise iS
only matter Of time.'-Chicago News
Maud-'T feel so sorry for poor LII
| liam. She and Reggie had 1t all plan
ned to elope, and now they have TO give
| il ND" Jack-"What is the troubles"
Maud-"She can't persuade her stingy
old papa to give them the money 10
carry it out."-IIansas City Journal
First Citizen-I hope we are not go
| ing to have many more of these md
eous skyscrapers. Second Citlzen--A
used to feel as you do until everybody
began to burn soft coal. Now it seems
to me the sky needs all the scraping
that can be given it.-Boston Trans
cript.
Physiciau-The truth can no longer
he hidden, madam l am obliged to
tell you that your little son is-er-
weak-minded That is-well, it must
be said-he is an idiot. Mrs. Highupp
How fortunate 1t is that we are rich
No one will ever notice it.-New York
! Weekly.
Stranger-"H Have you good catarrh
cure?' Druggist-"Yes sir; have the
very thing you want" Stranger
Can you recommend it?" Druggist
"Sure. / have catarrh myself, and
I'VE used nothing but this preparation
for nearly twenty years. Chicago
Daily News.
City Editor-Did you say he had
nothing to say? Reporter-Not at all
I'm sure he did have something to
say, otherwise he would not have said
to me that he had nothing to say. LIZ
he hadn't had anything to say he
wouldn't have hesitated to say it.
Philadelphia Press.
Admirer-"Don't you think that you
are rather unreasonable to expect me
TO take you to bali, stay awake until
four o'clock, and then get up at eight
10 go to my work." Young lady
~ may be a little unreasonable. but
IFS perfectly brutal Of you to mention
it'-New York Weekly.
.I'm getting painfully careless, my
dear. I've just found portrait Of
George Washington in my coat pocket
that has been there for the last ten
davs." "Well, I don't see anything
sarous about that" Don't you. my
ear? I'm glad to hear it. You see.
no portrait is a part Of the stamp on
| .h,4 Iattar Won gave me to mail last