Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1903-08-12
SUM-


Boast not, and the world knows not
who you are: boast, and 1t despises
you for what you are.-Life.
She-Time will heal the wound I've
made in your heart He-Yes; but
| you'll be mad at me IL it does.
"Wiggs says his new house has
eighteen bathrooms" Must be fine
place! What does lie call til"
Plumbers Paradlse.'-Life.
RAILROAD took off his leg" eyes,
and SO providentlal" "Providential?'
That's what. 1t was the leg with the
rheumatism in it!'-Atlanta Constitu-
| ton.
We prefer to live in n small town
where all the people sympathize with
you in trouble, and If you haven't any
trouble will hunt up some for you.
Formosa New Era.
"Has he had much success rs an
author?" mo. The publishers couldn't
sell more than hundred copies of his
last book before 1t came out."-Chi-
cago Record-Herald.
Jones is a conscientious fellow"
'What makes you think so?" II
watched him play solitaire for two
hours last night, and he never cheated
once.''-Brooklyn Life.
A Western paper refuses to publish
eulog!es gratis, but adds: I'VE viii
publish the simple announcement of
the death of any of our friends with
pleasure" -Ram's Horn.
"Why are you crying, dear?" "Oh.
mother; last night showed Henry the
hammock that we first courted In"
| What did he do?" HE went over
and kicked it."--Chicago News.
Young husband. to wife-Didn't
telegraph TO you not to bring your
mother with you? Young wife-I
know; that is what she wants to see
you about She read the telegram!
"Oh! yes, 1t was the first time they
had met, but they became real chum-
my at once" rs that 500" Yes,
they discovered that they Endorsed the
same breakfast food."-Philadelph
Press.
Wise for his years: The mother
Bobbie, didn't your conscience tell
you that you had done .wrong?' Bob
bie-'Y es'm; but don't believe every
thing l hear."-Philadelph Public
Ledger.
Host (pairing off his guests)-"Mr.
Makinbrakes, you will please take
Miss Gumwell out to dinner. Mr..
MISUNDERSTANDING. But. great
Scott, where? Don't you have dinner
here in the house &c hicngo Tribune.
Most satisfactory results: Kingley
You've been to these literary clubs
and metaphysical things for two or
I three years now, and what does your
culture amount to-" Mrs. Kingley-
Don't l knoM everybody ?'-Town
and Country.
Here is one candid author. who tells
the truth to his journal: II generally
take run every day-but not for ex-s
ercise. The butcher and the baker are
either on my doorstep or ten yards be-
hind me. That's why run!-At-
lanta Constitution.
g"SIy new plaS is sure to make q
hit" said the eminent actress; 1t
gives me an opportunity to show twen-
ty superb gowns" Gracious! how
many scenes do you appear in?" only
five, but one Of them's scene at the
dressmaker's.' Philadelphia Press.
"Well," said the New Yorker, taunt-
ingly, you don't see any grass grow
ing in our Streets" "That's So" re-
piled the Philadelphian, Clever
scheme of yours" What's thatf''
40 keep tearing your streets up SO the
grass can't grow."-Washington Star.
II suppose your chances of winning
the affections Of Miss Gay are ms good
as the next fellow's?' II don't know.
She called me Jim very affectionately
last night" "You don't say? Well
that's promising. isn't it?' Hardly.
considering that my name happens to
be Tom"
The probabilities: "McGoozle, where
are you going to spend the summer
this year!" well. we are hesitating
between tour of Europe and couple
Of weeks at my wife's uncle's farm,
near Naperville-with Che chances
strong in favor of Naperville. Chit
cago Tribune.
| Farmer Hornihand reading the mar
kets)-"Pity TIL President didn't hev
no more luck when lie was a-huntin'
down there In Mlssissip." Mrs. Horni-
hand-"Why, Silas?" Farmer Horni-
hand "Haint you been a-readin' how
TIL bears is playin' smash with TIL cot
ton crop?'-Baltimore American.
A woman's bargain: Mrs. Enpeck-
81 think, Henry, that our daughter has
made a very satisfactory marriage,
and that she will succeed very well
in the management of her husband"
4 Henry Enpeck- why sos" Mrs. En-
peck-.'I overheard her talking to him
this morning, and she got him to agree
to Il proposition like this: If you will
same "-Baltimere American.
The Doctors wife went to the door.
| She and the woman next door were
not on friendly terms, but the tramp
didn't know that. "pe lady next door,"
lie said, ''give me a piece of her home
made pie 'sn' fought" "I'm sor-
ry," interrupted the DOCTORS wife, 'but
the doctor isn't at home just now.
However, there's physician in the
next block, and If you hurry he may
be able 4 give you relief before much
harm is dNhe.''-Chicago Post
Why She Feared Raw Eggs.
A little girl who takes lessons in
water colors from young woman
painter found her teacher beating up a
raw egg preparatory to swallowing 1t.
"Oh, how can you eat raw egg?"
the child exclaimed. 81 couldn't"
"Did you ever taste one?" she was
asked.
~ 2.