Bisbee daily review., 1903-10-28
PHYSICAL" DE-
 SCRIBES THE
YOU DON'T HAVE TO GO AWAY
 FROM BIseEE TO SEE THEM.

wv OONt HAVE " oS ~"H'
 FROM BIssEE TO SEE THEM. They Pose as Mining superintendents
 General Managers, Etc, and Then
 the Stockholders Wonder Why They
 Went Broke.
 Behold the succulent tenderfoot; ; he mucketh not. neither doth he gob; yet Roosevelt m all his glory is not arrayed like one of him.
 To, as the morning sun climbeth up the eastern heavens he departeth from the gates of Bisbee, and his form is enveloped with a co. set waist kna- Ri blouse, and bagg pants of the same complexion are jammed into lne spacious pair of lemon colored enorm- ities which enclrcle his ankles round about. And he carrieth with him all kinds of deadly weapons, from saw ed of shotgun to a quart bottle, anu his slender waist is girded about with enough ammunition to drive the Rus slans out of Aanchuria, but .le -.- ful fool quail and the shrinking cot tontail careth hot, for well they kno' that he could not hit an object as big as the Don Luis boom.
 And at evening he returneth to the city, while there clingeth unto ms raiment the odor of a 2-two-bit-Mex.- ,n ond o, rrpoid iivorv hill fOr ever and anon as the fiery Johnathan ttab- pit springs forln in all his beauty, the tenderioot mast needs drop his artil- ley and roll a free combustible hign power cigarette, by which time the Arizona gazelle is clear across .--- San Pedro and the Huachucas are coming to meet him at the rate two miles a minute
 Now the tenderfoot relates his ex- peIienee to the night reporter on the Don Luis Annlhilator, and he calls a trail 8 "bloody pawth,' and, don ye know, we mistook a nasty old Oa"- for a beastly bear, don't ye know; and just as the ugly beast was about to pawss us through the tall grawss. We discovered it to be the offspring of a blawsted keow, and then we came upon several men digging a square well with c pa. tition in it, and they called the deuced thing a shawft, and it seemed to me it was in the Aorst place in the world 70 find watah, 'pOn honor 1t did. And they had 0 little ir5n wagon to haul away the dirt, and over against the mountain ,hey< &ere digging a hole about four feet wide, as high as a man, and more thAn a haRdred feet long, and they ISaIled tbe blooming thing 8 tunne., and II was finished insl-e with rough wood work. which looked awfully crude. but I suppose they will paper 1t later on. and everything over there looked go positively funny, don't ye know"
 Now, this tenderfoot, it is recorded, is superintendent and fiscal agent O. the "Fakeburg and Sonora, Gold, Sil- yer, Coppel and Asbestus Mining, A1ill- ing Smelling and Reduction company, Ltd" But be would not So down one Of those 'blawsted" wells for a million.
 And, now it shall come to pass that the opuleut sire of this pale tenderfoot shall go broke, and the tendeffooI shall continue to abide in Arizona, and as his cream colored raiment sue cumbS to time and catclaw ws, they shall be sapplanted by the garments of heavenly blue, costing j9Ht SI.,J per suit, along with iron CI5u Shoes. and socks the forerunner of the ba. bo1ic plague. and the dynamite ciga- rette shall surrender the scepter to the ume-hcnored cob pipe, and in those days shall wisdom come unto him and envelope nIm as a mantle, and he shall distinguish a trail from a "pawth," shaft from a well, and a tunnel from a moonshiner's retreat, and he shali devOur the boarding house muliigan with avidity, and sleep .ierenefy upon a mattress full of Gila monsters. and he shall scratch HIS back with a 'cho'la burr, to stir the secretions Of his sun kissed hide.
 And the green glades, the ranning hrnokc and tha apnle checked girls of the mighty East shall become as a memory unto him, and he shall Je- come as memory unto him, and ne shall be joined m wealock to a daugh- ter of the boundless mesa, and she Of the caramel complexion and lowly aspirations shall bring joy and other conaaodities to his household, for, be- hold, as she approacheth with a ten gallon ola poised on her dainty heau, a bundle of mesouite wood in her fair brown arms. and a cirelet Of red eh'H a'>crf her %'v'no nook etn fe a thing of beauty and a joy forever" :" Sn the eyes Of the devoted husband. And as a 6ower she shall bring hin nine goats and seventeen hairless dogs, and 6 wrinkled madre poiluco and "cooayados" by the acre, and he shall soak up comfort, contentment and mescAl, and he shall live long and die of a complication of fongevi.y and sky rocket Jfmjams. and upon his
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