davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Aberdeen Democrat. (Aberdeen, South Dakota) 1???-1909, 1903-01-30
IAES IoR !
gA1z@ ~
THE oNE-sToRY MAN.

There are bores in great profusion in this
world we habitate,
And we're pretty sure to strike EN-
whereso'er we navigate
There's the man who knew your brother
in the days of long ago:
There's the man whose mouth prolific Is
forever on the flow
But they're blessings in comparlson-I
stand them very we'll
If you'll keep away the man with just
one story he can tell.
I have met him in CHICAGO, I have met
him in st. Lou;
I ignored him up in Ogden, though his
face and form I knew;
I have met him in Tacoma, in Seattle
everywhere
Till you'd think his little repertoire would
grow, but I declare
He performs that same old solo, though
he never did it we'll
It's q pain to meet this man with just
one story he can tell!
For he always wants to tell it-that's the
saddest part of all,
And his story knows no season-winter,
summer, spring or fall.
He can tell it just as poorly to q crowd
as tete-a-tete;
He will wake to tell 1t early and stay up
He is callous to the chimings Of the busy
chestnut bell
He must tell 1t. for. alas! it's all the story
he can tell!
Some sweet day some outraged human
will relax his self-control.
Then a h~orny-handed sexton must get
out and dig a hole
In the sod amid the granite shafts that
rear their heads on high
While we stife wicked wishes that con-
Germ the by and by.
Won't there be a mighty scramble for a
chance to ring the knell
OF this poor. deluded man with just one
story he could tell?
Los Angeles Herald.
The Aberdeen Democrat. (Aberdeen, South Dakota) 1???-1909, 1903-01-30

The sultan of Turkey insists that
every ruler Or person of high polit-
zeal Importance should die a natural
death. The Stampa. of Turin, saws
that other manners of death are not
officially recognized by Nischan Ell
fendi, the censor.
When King Humbert was a-ssassi.
mated at Mona, the Turkish newsna-
pers announced the sad event in this
way:
King Humbert left the hall amid
the frenetic cheers of the people. The
king, much affected, bowed several
times. and to all appearance was i'm.
mediately dead."-
When the shah of Persia was as.
sassinated. the Turkish papers said.
In the afternoon the shah drove IL
his summer palace, and there com.
planned of illness. His corpse was
sent to Teheran."
One paper excelled all others bv
this piece of euphemistic simplifca.
ton: "The shah felt a little in. I'M
finally his corpse returned to the
palace"
This was too much even for the
Turks, who keep the phrase as one
OF their proverbs.
The Aberdeen Democrat. (Aberdeen, South Dakota) 1???-1909, 1903-01-30
An Record.

Standing side by side in an old
Long Island cemetery are four tomb
stones. They commemorate the yir-
tues of the successive wives of one
of the towns Inhabitants, who. from
the point Of experience at least
should be able to rival Max O'Ren ms
an observer of feminine traits
A peculiar thing about the monu-
ments is that not alone do they per-
petuate the memory of each of his
helpmates, but they serve as a sort
OF financial barometer to record the
husbands rising fortunes.
The first wife had a modest LITTLE
headstone. The second wife's memo
rial was on the same order, but 8
wa at least two feet taller. The
third wife differed both as to stvle
and size, being greatly superior to
either of the others, while tn the
fourth and last was granted the dis.
tlnction Of y granite shaft.-N. Y.
Times.
The Aberdeen Democrat. (Aberdeen, South Dakota) 1???-1909, 1903-01-30
he WAS A "WIsE INDIAN"
Story Related by Uintah Reservation
Agent About Two of His Red
Charges.

Indians soon part with their money.
And in doing SO they frequently dis
play remarkable traits Of business
character. Agent Myton, of the Tin
tab reservation, tells of a number of
partlngs with the lucre incident to his
recent payments Of rental and other
incomes. An hour after one old buck
received S275 in cash he was seen driy.
ing about the reservation in a splen-
did two-horse carriage. The Indian
mad no means of carting the products
OF his range or fields, no wagon, no
COW, little clothing and less to eat.
Reprimanded for his im~providence, he
replied that white man rides in car
rlages! why not Indian?' He was told.
that he should have purchased a com.
mon heavy wagon, such as could he
used for farm work; and another In
dian,s purchase of such a wagon was
told to him as a wise purchase. The
Indian grunted at every word. looked
troubled u gave no evidence of be-
ing favorably impressed, relates the
Salt Lake Tribune.
Next day Agent Myton saw his In.
dian of spendthrifty inclinations rid.
ing about in just such a wagon as had
been named for him, and upon non;rv
1T was learned that he had traded his
$3.50 carriage for the wagon: thar rs
soon as he had been upbraided the nre.
vlous Gay ne didn't do a thing but hunt
up the wise Indian who had honoh+ .
lolt wagon" and propose a trade How
oid you trade" was asked, .Carri,na
MS wagon mine," was the replv. TIs
trade was vehicle for vehicle, The
iarm wagon cost the first nurcb.san
s'o, the carriage $3.50. The wise InS;aa
look the carriage back to the salla.
ana got two wagons. two sets of ~.
ness blankets, and a number Of o+ha.
necessarles. When the first Indian
vas told OF the trade made nv thaJn
uian who got his carriage he eSpressaa
no regret: He simply grunted
snrugged his shoulders and exclaimed.
he wise Indian!" inca:
The Aberdeen Democrat. (Aberdeen, South Dakota) 1???-1909, 1903-01-30
CURE FOR A KICKING COW.
~ ..etbod May Have Been All
Right, but 1t Was Not Carried
Out Right.

An old farmer-old enough to know
~better-says that the way TO cure "
COW of kicking is to catch her by the
leg Just as she is about to KICK
She should be grasped firmly, as
close to the hoof as possible, and the
grip must not relax until the kicking
impulse is over. Of course, the
kick must be headed off, as it were.
and not met halfway, o even three
quarters way, says the Cleveland
Plain Dealer. 1t is a good idea 70
get the hired man to accustom him.
self to this simple fact, but at the
same time it must not be forgotten
that a good hired man can easily be
spoiled by careless inattention to d.
rections.
At first it might be well to use ,
cowcatcher, or possibly an ordinary
fender, together with a %catcher's
mask and padded gloves. Naturally
it will be we'll to conceal your ap-
pearance from the COW as much as
possible, because SO many cows are
timid and easily scared by strange
objects. Then when the cow slightly
raises her hoof and shivers appre-
hensively along the ankle, don't wait
for further developments, but grasp
the lower leg firmly and hang on for
dear life.
A man named Mullins had a kick
ing COW of IA horsepower, and some
body told him about the grab-the-leg
cure. Mullins told it to his hired
man. The hired man had had the
milking stool kicked from under him
several times, and the milk pail bat.
tered into scrap tin, and he said ho
would be glad to try the recipe. So
he put on a pillow for a chest pro-
tector and jumped for the leg as soon
as he saw the premonitory symp.
toms.
Well, sir, he went through the
window as neat as you please.
the sash along with him.
When Mullins reached him he was as
dazed as a mudlark.
"Nearthquake" he feebly NUT
tered.
NO" said Mullins, "the cow kicked
you"
Cow kicked mel" the hired man
repeated. 81 wonder how it hap
pened?"
Il wonder??" said Mullins.
But Mullins thought he knew,
he hesitated about saying so,
fear of hurting the victims feel
ngs-and he was hurt enough all
'eady.
The trouble was that the hired man
vas SO awfully cross-eyed that he
lad grabbed the wrong leg!
The Aberdeen Democrat. (Aberdeen, South Dakota) 1???-1909, 1903-01-30
Folding a Tablec,o..

When not in use a t,h,ao,n
should be kept in folded creasas wv,
when brought out to he snn anu
should be laid on the tah1e spread
h toiuea It's entire length (the w;d.h
Delng doubled). with the csn tsn
crease along the center of the ahs
men Inc half breadth that is fol1a.
s snuuia De turned back and the cla.p
sill hang evenly. Careless ssrna ao
.,, gather up a cloth "anvba,. :.
without taking the trouble now
~ up again in it's own cra,sao iold
thus fresh ones are made es. and
aanin Mni last fresh looking as lon.
AGAIN II it is always folded nn iung
rs own Iolds and put away until tha
next ~meal.-Washington Star i inc
The Aberdeen Democrat. (Aberdeen, South Dakota) 1???-1909, 1903-01-30
FIrst Need OF . Doctor.

WI Ting Fang is fond Of relating a story
about a Chinese, doctor who didn't satisfy
his patient. The sicker the patient grew,
the more indignant his friends became at
the unsuccessful physician; At last, when
was imminent, the relatives laid violent
hands on the unfortunate doctor, and, ty-
ing him up to a tree, started to admin
lister a smart beating. But while his assail-
ants were looking for a stick with which to
beat him, the doctor freed himself, and,
jumping into the river, swan to safety.
When he reached home he found bis son,
who was studying to be a physician, por.
ing over a book on medicine. Put it up.
g erim1y; 0R Eth sni hrs t r sp; ia.u Of 'a a doctor atoro !.
to know how to swim, not to cure."-San
Francisco Argonaut.
The Aberdeen Democrat. (Aberdeen, South Dakota) 1???-1909, 1903-01-30
HIT BEFORE TIE sRmms
TAe villaia In q Melod,,..
a. ExAib.tion of M.,1.''1
Marksman.hlu.

Il Was in q downtown tbe,...
and the climax of a tragedy va. tss'
ing. Leading up toward this ' snI apas
ment, the villain, %lolline in 'sp'sass
garden, had been challenged 10 : ~ Ss
the hero, says the Chicago Trihu. Ssas
Fight me! Fight mel" and ,ss
too full for further utterancs 'as ~
ment, pointed toward a bottle W.
empty on a table thirty feet away @sa
The hero turned with q supeyciiiar, 4,
and looked. VSsea1
"Watch!"
IT wassthe villains cue word. ana.
90 intent upon seeing that nom Huss !
!aconic force was lost on the a,i;s,s Y
he must have been slow with tSs ,.s
just as his revolver appeared from ~" !
pocket and was rising in the y]illain,.sa
hand A'S~sl Y
.Bing-le.ting-le-ting!"
The neck Of the bottle burst IN , III
pieces and clinked to the floor. H. wy
ished villain, with the %unexplodeS va ~
in his hand, stood there with fallen i,s,s
lowering arm, while the gallery N,
went to pieces in the delirium Of is n
The Aberdeen Democrat. (Aberdeen, South Dakota) 1???-1909, 1903-01-30
Cheese RAN.

Ihree cupfuls of grated cheese 80.
ana pepper to taste, and the vb SUI
OF three eggs beaten very st;a whites
ro ge;n ! then form into small balls
Oh IN me cracker crumbs, and fr,
na ooil,ng lard. Serve yery hot Ar y
The Aberdeen Democrat. (Aberdeen, South Dakota) 1???-1909, 1903-01-30
One Hole at Least

Hicks-I bought some oil stock nearly q
year ago, and the fellow who sold it to
me declared the company was already in
operation: III bet they haven't sunk Z
single hole yet.
Wieks-Oh; I wouldn't say that. They
going, to leave the stockholders.-Catholic
Standard and Times.
The Aberdeen Democrat. (Aberdeen, South Dakota) 1???-1909, 1903-01-30
Doan's Trial Trium,
r.. ur.e Trial Of Doan's Kidney Pills daily carries reu., II
~ ~ the Doan way Of proving Doan merit with each 10 20 thousns

kidneys. Icould not 90.
when tried to stand a. nysls q
bend Il : half STOPPING no would q
trial bog Of Doan's Kidnaps9 i p;9,aI i
got me out Of bed and /, ,so a,aI
s ss',,u take = delight ia f ns,; ~
The Aberdeen Democrat. (Aberdeen, South Dakota) 1???-1909, 1903-01-30

Mother Ora ~ Sweet Powders
For Children, used by Mother Gray, o nurse
in Children's Home, New York, break up
Colds, cure Foverishness, Constipation,
Stomach and Teething Disorders, and de
FREE. Address A. 8. Olmsted, LeRoy,N.Y.
The Aberdeen Democrat. (Aberdeen, South Dakota) 1???-1909, 1903-01-30

Aching backs are eased. Hip. back. and
,o;n Mains overcome. Swelling Of the
limbs and dropsy signs vanish;
They correct urine with brick dust sedi.
ment, high colorcd, excessive, pain 10
passing, edribbling. frequency. Dcans
kidney Pills dissolve and remove caicuii
and gravel. Relieve heart palpitation,
.leepicssness, headache, nervousness.
The Aberdeen Democrat. (Aberdeen, South Dakota) 1???-1909, 1903-01-30
DIdn,t concern HIN.

tawyer.-The jury has brought in .
sealed verdict in your case.
Prisoner-Well, tell the court that they
needn't open it on my account.-Glasgow
Evening Times.
The Aberdeen Democrat. (Aberdeen, South Dakota) 1???-1909, 1903-01-30

RocKpArE, TEX. Dec. SO. 19oe,-"When
7 received the trial package OF Doan's
Kidney Pills I could not get out Of BED
small Of my back. The Pills helped me
at once, and now after three weeks the
pain in my back is all gone and l am no
longer annoyed with having to get up
often during the night as formerly. | can
not speak too highly for what Doan's Kid.
ney Pills have done for me. am now 57
wears old, have tried o great many medi.
cines, but nothing did the work until l
used Doan's Kidney Pills. Il.
ARTHUR.
CLEVELAND, KY, Dec. %. 1s02.-"I
was laid up in bed with my back and
The Aberdeen Democrat. (Aberdeen, South Dakota) 1???-1909, 1903-01-30

Do not believe Piso's Cure for Consume.
Tor has an equal for coughs and colds.-J.
r. Boyer, Trinity Springs, Ind. Feb. 151Q00.
The Aberdeen Democrat. (Aberdeen, South Dakota) 1???-1909, 1903-01-30

Little Girl-"A pound of steak, please.
and cut it tough, will yer?" Butcher
!amazed)-:"Why?" Little Girl-"'Cause.
Il its tender father eats it all!"-London
The Aberdeen Democrat. (Aberdeen, South Dakota) 1???-1909, 1903-01-30

You must walk a long time behind n
der before you find a peacock islss.
Judge.
The Aberdeen Democrat. (Aberdeen, South Dakota) 1???-1909, 1903-01-30

fnnul Is one of our greatest enemies:
1emunerative labor our most lasting friend.
The Aberdeen Democrat. (Aberdeen, South Dakota) 1???-1909, 1903-01-30

iowa Farms - Per Acre Cash.
oal. 1Hacrop tillpaid. Mulhal, Sioux CITY. IN.
The Aberdeen Democrat. (Aberdeen, South Dakota) 1???-1909, 1903-01-30

Stops the Cough
and works of the cold. Laxative Bromo
Quinine Tablets. Price Is cents
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1903-10-19
BLESSING OF THE CROSS.
Ceremony Yesterday at st. Mary's
Catholic Church

The blessing of the new mission cross,
which has recently been erected in ST.
Mary's Catholic Church, took place last
evening, with Mgr. Falconio, the apos-
tolic delgate officiating. Yesterday
marked the close of a mission at ST
Mary's which was held during the past
two weeks by Rev. Francis Miller and
Rev. E. Nusstein of New York city. The
day was also celebrated as the feast of
the patron saint of the parish.
The mission cross is magnificent oak
crucifix, seven feet in height, and bears
the figure of the Savior in Munich
stone composition. three feet three
inches in height The cross is the gift
of the German societies of the church.
The blessing of the cross was preceded
by a procession from the rectory of the
church. The Ions, line of priests in their
robes of office was led by the altar boys.
followed by the high dignitaries of the
church and the members of the Wind
thorst Club, st. Josephs Lodge, Catholic
Knights; ST. Vincent de Paul and st.
Ronificius Society. The cross was borne
in the procession by guard of honor
composed of Mr. John Henry Rupert,
Mr.. Nicholas Auth, Mr.. Glen Geible and
Mr.. A. Newland. After passing through
the church the cross was placed in posi-
ton on the right of the pulpit by its
mony was then pronounced by the apos-
toIic delegate assisted by Rev. Edward
Fink rector of GonZaga College, and
Rev. Father Ketcham, director of the
Catholic Indian bureau.
a sermon in German was preached by
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1903-10-19
Market CrueltieS.
Iitor Of The Evening Star:

To the Editor of he Evening Star:
Either the humane officers are asleep
or taking journey. Day after day the
sellers of poultry are allowed to crowd
these poor creatures into crates end coopS
toe small for them. The helpless birds
are absolutely crowded enc on the back
Of another or pushed so closely together
they cannot move This brutal spectacle
Market and other markets throughout
the city but outside the doors Of the
smaller shops. In some cases the letter
Of the law is supposed 10 be observed by
placing pans Of water outside these cages.
No one can say the fowls are not provided
with water but how can the poor crei-
lures get it when vertically piled ana
packed one on the back of another
The writer of this has reported numer-
GUS cases of such cruelty, but evidently the
punishment If inflicted, was ridiculously
Gay after day and week after week. Tie
last attempt to prevent this cruelty re-
suited in the wearied remark of a police
man: why don't you go to the humane
officers? They must be over there In the
market somewhere Reply: Il have been
all around and not one is to be found.
Policeman-'Oh well. go pack anu haii',
l can't do anything.
The writer can give the names of those
who constantly are cruel to the helpless
poultry. The majority of persons seem 10
regard these living creatures as SIMPLY
part of their marketins-part or inc
suuashes, celery. etc. Nevertheless mo
poor birds alive and suffering II inc
humane officers are too timld or too feeble
10 attend to this part of their duty the
undersigned Will gladly assist them:
c. R. BUSH.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1903-10-19
Prizes in Quotation Contests.

The regular meeting of Perseverance
Lodge. No. 9, in Scottish Rite Hall, 80
Pennsylvania avenue. last Saturday even
ing, brought out a large number, among
them visitors from Minnehaha, Faith and
Silver Star lodges. Mr.. A. II. Frear, chief
templar. presided. Mrs. Frear, pianist, led
in the service of song. Communicate
reported by Secretary Lumley included a
letter of greeting, through Mrs. j. r. Har-
rover. grand superintendent, from an Off
Ger of a district lodge in England. The
program of the social session was present
ed, under appointment by Mrs. Frear, gen.
eral chairman, by John c. Daley, having
direct charge of the prize quotation num-
bers, and Mr.. James Carroll, director of
the literary and musical parts. Messrs. r.
E, Smith of Faith Lodge and Samuel Bed
ford of Minnehaha Lodge were n commit
tee to award prizes. The entertainment
was had in open session.
In the quotation contest Miss Blanche
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1903-10-19
VESPERS AND BENEDICTIOM.
Services Commemorative of the Dis
coVerY of America.

The Washington Chapter. knights of Co
lumbus, last evening. held Its annual YES
per and benediction service. commemora-
tive of the discovery of America, at St
Dominic's Catholic Church. The filth an
niversary of the discovery of America oc-
CURED October IA. and the event was cele-
brated by banquet under the auspices of
the Knights of Columbus. The special
service last evening was conducted by Rev
+. j. O'Connell of ST. Stephens Church.
chaplain of the knights The deacon was
Rev. joseph f. MCGEE of the Church of
the Sacred Heart. and subdeacon, Rev.
Father Bowling of St. Peters. The master
of ceremonies was Rev. George A. Dough-
erty of St Augustnes. and the assistant
master of ceremonies Thomas X. Gallaher
of the Spalding Council. The sermon was
preached by Rev. E. T. Shanahan, DID,
vice rector of the Catholic University of
America who spoke on THE KING hthood of
the Spirit"
Fully 800 members of the knights of CO.
lumbus gathered at ST. Domincs hall and
marched 10 the church under the marshall
ship of Mr.. J. A. Duvall. district deputy,
assisted by the council wardens. They sang
as they marched into the church, Onward
Christian Soldiers Among those who oc-
cupied the sanctuary We're Rev. Eugene
Hannah of St. Martins the Very Rev. J.
c. Kent. o. P: the Rev Rev J. H Singer
o. p. and Rev. Fathers T. p O'Rourke,
Meany, j. B. Spearing and J. F. Colbert
The music last night was rendered by the
knights of Columbus choir. and the rendi-
ton of the "Salve Regina" the first song
sung on the American shores by the crews
on the ships of Columbus. was one of the
most beautiful features of the service
The committee in charge of the arrange
ments consisted of the following: DR.. A.
u Wilkinson. chairman Edward j. Maloy
ST., John H. Pellen. William A. Johnson
and William B. Reilly
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1903-10-19
An Awkward misunderstanding.

To the Editor of The Evening Star:
This morning passengers on train Mo- 116
on the Washington and Ohio div sion of the
Southern railway which is scheduled to az
rive in Washington at 10 am, were in
formed by the conductor that there had
been accident on the Long bridge and
that transfer would be made to the electric
cars at St. Elmo. When the train arrived
at the latter place the commuters and
others were informed by official of the
Southern that ears would be along soon to
take the passengers to the Aqueduct
bridge; that all arrangements had been
made and that there would be no charge
When the passengers boarded the electric
cars they found them well crowded. The
conductor soon came along and demanded
fare from each Southern rider, greatly 10
the embarrassment of some. who were
compelled to borrow money from friends
OF acquaintance. Some refused to pay and
were passed by. The conductor said he
had received instructions to allow
Southern passengers to ride free. ConSid-
cradle Indignation was manifested on ac-
count of the apparent lack of forethought
on the part of the Southern official and the
end is not yet w. G. COLLINS.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1903-10-19
A Guaranteed Cure for Piles.

Itching, Blind. bleeding or Protruding Piles
Your druggist will refund money IL PAZO ONT.
MENT fails to cure you in 6 to "A days. 50c.
oc2-f, m,w-tf
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1903-10-19
SERIOUSLY INJURED.
William Goddard Struck by Columbia
Line Car Last Night.

William Goddard. forty-five years old a
resident of Benning, was struck and Sc
riously injured by car No. G2l of the Co
lumbia line while near Benning about $50
o. clock last night. The car was in charge
of Motorman G. f. Clark, who, with the
assistance of Mounted Policeman Russell,
placed the injured man aboard the car and
brought him to the corner of 18th and H
streets northeast, where it was met by the
patrol wagon from the ninth precinct po-
lice station. The injured man was trans
ferred to the wagon and conveyed to the
Casualty Hospital, where he was placed on
the operating table. 1t was found his right
leg had been broken a short distance below
the knee. and in addition he had sustained
several severe wounds on his head.
His condition at the hospital this morning
was said to be serious, although it is
thought that he will recover.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1903-10-19

Gallagher took the first prize, Miss Laura
+. Bryson the second and John c. Daley,
the third Mr. j. T. Rollfe favored with
the song, In the Good Old Summer Time"
Mrs. Emma Corbey. accompanist. Vocal
and instrumental selections were contrib
uted by outside friends. follows: Miss
Maggie Breen and Mrs. Read rendered
piono solos Miss Katharine Faulkner sang
L Estase,' by Ardetta; Happy Days" by
StreleZki, and Dainty Dorothea,' by Regi-
maid de I<oVen. Miss Mary Faulkner sang
Happy Birds by f. Hoist. and Wait
ing by H Willard. 'Simon's Wife, very
much invalid and Rejected" were
given in recital by Miss Susie Jost, and
Little Boy Blue" and other favorites by
Miss Blanche Gallagher. Each received
liberal applause. a selection, What is a
Good Templar?'' was read by s. w. Rus
sell, G.. c. T. \ brief address acknowledge
ing high appreciation of the contributions
by visiting friends was given by John Bry
son. G.. s., and grevungs from Silver Star
Lodge were extended by A 4. Shoemaker,
p. G. G. 7.