davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-08-21
Che UsuDI Thing.

'T would like to know" asked the
parent who had Il son In need of some
further education, what is the course
Mt your college"
"The usual half mile course OF Gin
ders and all that sort of thing. you
know" absent mindedly replied the
president of the great institutiOn.-EX
change.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-08-21

In wounds OF tie heart i;@cf the es
cape of blood is never IA large guam
tity. and the lethai Consequences ar,
due to the fact that the escape OF blood
from within its cavity on cavities Into
the surrounding sac of the perlcardiun
mechanically interrupts the alternate
contraction and expansion hy Thicl
its pumping action Is maintained. y
cordingly the results of tho wound OF
the heart are usually Identical VIII
those II gradual sulocauon-Amer
can Medicine.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-08-21

English Magazine Editor / am
afraid
Assistant-Y Yes?
English Magazine tditor-That we
are not labelling our humorous depart
ment plhinly enough. Unless we make
the titles less ambiguous half our read
ers will not know the articles are
funny baltimore American.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-08-21
A NicIxnnme For Barrett.

Lawrence Barrett, the tragcdian' was
subject to dyspepsia, and when ne was
suffering from that disorder he was
cold aud dstant toward bis company
one .rrovaren follow always refused,
how vor -o ho suppressed. Tie said ore
day rust look II Cassius. H. looks
as solemn anl ighteous as II he al
lowe .. g. ~ Of Justice. L all
him -ne r. ard" md tLe ~ ri
ne was his darlington t. rest
# that sea-
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-08-21

A correspondent tells the Londoh
News that being Mt Falling In Norfolk
he asked permission of local marsh
owner 10 walk over his meadows.
what for?" he wanted to know. "Oh'
TO do n little botanizing." was the re-
ply. There was n pause Whiie tne
landowner scratched his head. Iheh'
slowly and suspiciously. Not with d
guni"
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-08-21
DfsappOinted.

He-I hear that your engagement is
broken.
Femlna-Ycs: he acted horribly.
Uo-But I thought that you broke
II?
Femina-So : did. but ne made abso-
Iute,y no fuss about it-Ialo Record.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-08-21

Whatever music there may be IN the
instrument called man cannot DC
brought out fully and entirely until
woman takes il in charge ana plays
mon the strings Of it.-New Orleans
Times-Democrat
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-08-21

what want" said the coy maid
II more or lc-- uncertain years. II
hat that VIII it my complexion
"Oh." excla med the mill.ner. with
sudden inspiration. Il have a hand
painted hat in the window that I'm
sure Will be Just what you want. -
Chattanooga News.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-08-21
The Lucky Party.

A gentleman was complimenting n
pretty young lady in the presence OF
his wife.
"It's luckv did not meet Miss Hop
kins before | married you. my dear
"Wen. yes: IT is extremely-for her.
was the rejoinder
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-08-21

super-No. sir. the ghost hasn't walk
cd for two weeks.
Crittick-I saw the leading man with
wad today. He must have got MS
salary.
Super-Oh. yes; he's the star.
Crittick-What you might call
.fxcd" star, eh?-Philadelphia Ledger
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-08-21

"Ue has been mentioned rs candi-
date for Office very frequently"
"Yes." answered Farmer Corntossel.
"Tha only trouble IS that every tune
n, ,nodv mentions him the other fel-
lors laugh. h."-Washingt0 Star.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-08-21

He-And SO your answer is final. You
will not be minef
she-Never. But pray don't go ana
blow your brains out
Ue-It would be an idle attempt. Peo-
ple say If | had any brains l never
should have proposed to you.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-08-21

yon Porkcr-Arent you satisfied with
that antenuptial settlement!
Lord Graftcr-No. sir don't want
10 lose ms self respect after marrying
bv having 20 run TO your daughter FOR
every thousand. Life.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-08-21
The Ruling Passion.

Son-Pa. every now and then see
something in the papers about the "ruI
ing passion" What Is It, anyway!
Ia (after a cautious glance arouhd
tbe opartmcnt)-It's disease your mn
ls badly afflicted with. my SON
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-08-21
Not to Blame.

The Elderly Lady They say his wife
has money.
The Younger Well, that isn't his
fault. They've only been married q
short time.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-08-21

Say. old chap. II isn't nice OF you TO
refuse to lend me that V. One friend
should always be willing to help the
other"
.sTrue. but object 10 invariably pe-
inc tbe other Now York World.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-08-21
His ODinion.

YES. he's a confirmed bachelor. lie
thinks there IS safety In numbers.
safety IN numbers|
YES He says two run good deal
Z risk when they become one. New
York Times
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-08-21
A Tat<p OF.

Harry docking at his whitened coat
,loeve)-That isn't much Of n compn-
nent TO Carries complexion.
FSther-I should say not. It's a reg
ular take off.--Boston Transcript
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-08-21

- -.
~ Unless the numter of ins,l.
tions is marked upon the manu-,
script, advertisements Will be pub.
lished until forbidden md charged
accordingly
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-08-21
HEsa.D
Ad gertising Ratec

ADV ds9ments will he inseT ed
at one olar per squsre often Lies
or less TO- he iirst insertion and 81
cents Tor each subsequent insertion.
~ Quarterly or yearly adyer. !
dsements by contract.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-08-21
rn. ,,,,ouities We're out.

A traveller recently inqulring at a
feudal castle in England whether he
could see the antiquities Of the place
received the simple answer from q
servant. 81 am sorry. sir; my lady and
Ter daughter have gone to town"
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-08-21
4 Clear Case.

She-rve noticed Or. Singleton call
ing al the house Of that young widow
almost every day. She must be pretty
III.
He-Not III: only pretty
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-08-21

.say. old man. let's go out and have q
big time tonight"
"What are you celebratingT
"Tye lust thought out new excuse
60 mention to my wife. "-Harpers Ia
y
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-08-21

| Widow Ito drcssmakc.l-iou mus'
rcnliy wait awhile for payment for
the mourning dresses. We are stili TOO
aorrowful 20 consider lnaEe,... matters.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-08-21

She-Arc you fond Of teal
ue-Yes. but | like the next letter
better Modern Society.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-08-21

Life IS n calculation, the happy man
4 he whose calculation Is correct
Clnppy.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-08-21

A docile disposition Will, with appn'
cation. surmount every difficulty.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-08-21

Rich IIeiress-Are you sure you lov'
me?
Hard Up-Love youf Why. wor
shin the very ground you inherit.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-08-21

"Of course you wouldn't marry q
titieY
Not IL there was any other way or
sottine one" answered the severely
practical girl.-ChicSgo Post
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-08-21

II is better to write one word upon
the rock than thousand on the wa
ter ana the sand.-Gladstone.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-08-21

Cream Balm is placed Into the nostrils, spreads
over the membrane and 10 absorbed Refer u I'M
mediate and cure follows 1t Is not drying--ooes
not produce sneezng. Large Size, 80 cents a. pfs-
rs,s or by mail; Trial Size, 10 cents BY mall
ELY PROTHERs. &c Warren Street. Ne's VOTE
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-08-21

Every time man comes across n
lot OF old clothes In the house ne
searches the pockets, though he never
finds anything.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1903-08-21

1y cider and app'ebut,er Factorv is now 10
operation. and viii run ou Tuesdays, Wed
uoSdavs and Thursdays of each wcck. The
clpacitv 0t making apple Du'terbutter has
been doubled. $50 that there Will be little del4v.
Piice fog making applebUtter, including
making cider, reduced TO is cts. per gallon.
Grinding corn meal and rye Chopi specially.
These products ol hand Tor exchange - all
times ] VIII pay he toll Of customers com
irg % my place.
Jul y m pd. /. II. HARRIS.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1903-09-04
Argument Had Effect.

Rev. Sanford oimstpd. the new
Episcupaiian Bishop Of Colorado. is
noted for the skill with which he
can collect money for charity. st
Asaph's church. at Bala. Pa. was
Bishop oImsted's last charge. and this
church. under his pastoratc. actually
had more money than IL could spend.
Here is an instance of, Bishop Dim
sted's address as collector.
He called ON a man one day vho
was well to do. but somewhat close
He asked for money for a worthy char
ity. and the man said:
I'D give something gladly. but the
fact Is I've only s500 by me in cash
5000 that I've put aside for my fun
eral.''
You trust God with your soul. s.
said Bishop Olmsted. but you're
afraid TO trust Him with your funeral
eh7-'
This comment gained the bishop a
generous contribution.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1903-09-04

urai and Inherent timidity OF tho
people Of tho Wild" and day after
day she threw bread crumbs TO the
birds and left tempting bones and
bits Of meat in her froas yard for the
larger animals: she eoas1d and bog
god and ~h-cdicd. and made Il rule
always to wear tho sane bright rcd
outing Jacket when she won't forth to
~in tho confidence Of her tiny friends.
Tho wearing OF this particular Jacket.
sha explains. vas n Impress upon tho
animals her distraction from the con.
fusion of farm hands and other peg.
sou. living In the ncishborhood.
Even To this day she wears the rcd
Jacket while out In the woods. and shc
confcs.cs with evident regret that she
il afraid many Of her p~ss would not
know her II she were Ia appear In amy
other color.
The proscrbiai happy families OF
the bis zoos and circuscs eanno, bc
compared To the amazing collection OF
animals all under one roof in the
Marvin cottage. A room iuttinE out
into the shaded back yard. with ono
side we'll grown with plant life. is the
summer recreation spot and district
hospital Of iso different creatures Of
various kinds. ranging from the. or.
dinary pinchins hug to the buiifroE.
You arc dimiy conscious Of an inccs.
SAINT hopping. ,wi,,ins and jumping
when you step into this stationary
ark. A large cage. closed In with
wire. takes up the left corner Of the
room. and in this checrfuiiy abide
some thirty ave specimens of the bird
families Of New Jersey.
II IL by no means part Of Miss
MarSin's scheme TO imprison these
sonEs,crs for lifetime. indeed.
none OF them has been kept longer
than eight months in the cage. Thor.
ouxhly conyersant with the many diff
fercnt nests and their broods. she
takes the best specimens Just before
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1903-09-04
What cou,d she Do.

II am glad" said the wealthy mer.
chant. that the baby is girl"
Wouldn't you rather have a boy
that you could train TO succeed you in
business7'
NO. indeed" replied the wealthy
merchant "A boy would go to col.
iege. learn to play baseball and prob.
ably become a member of one Of the
professioai leagues. He would be of
no business advantage TO me what.
ever. But girl"
What can a girl do7"
why. she can marry the confiden-
tial clerk who il gradually stealing
everything I've got. and so keep the
money in the family
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1903-09-04
LITTLE THOUGHTS.

A spider and fly can't make bar.
gaiL.
horse.
Gilded Iouth is quickly tarnishcd by
adversely
Little things console up because lit.
tie things aillict us.
Better say only half you think than
think only half you say.
Prejudice rests on perch from
which facts are barred.
Love is sometimes blind. and some.
times It !s only n blind.
The more you speak OF yourself the
more you are likely to lie.
Poverty may pinch an honest man.
but II never destroys him.
Curiosity IL looking over other pcor
pies affairs and overlooking our own.
Some OF the blessings that come In
disguise never take their masks on.
There IL nothing new under the sun
except the methods Of expressing old
thoughts.
The important difference between
the natural and human sponge In that
you cant squeeze anything out Of the
latter.
Truth Is no, u. dress suit eonBecrat'
.i to special occasions: Il II III.
strong. well woven. durable homcspun
for daily living.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1903-09-04

Although wealthy and really pretty
Miss Gcncsierc Hoadicy Marvin cares
not Tor social success among her fol.
low human beings. II IL tr,io that she
has inauikcd In = more or i~ss mad
scramble To Get into society. but u IL
the society Of the birds and beetles
and small animals that haunt tho
scrdant woods around the picturesque
little cottage. near whippany. n. j..
where she and her mother live. To
which shc Ia at home
I, seems impossible tha, your scr.
van, should bring In a card marked
"a Raccppa." but that ia almost what
takes plac. in the Marvin household
any summer day.
please ma'am says Miss Msrvin's
maid. "A rarcooa IL at the front door
and would like to SEQ .ou. iic says
he's hungry.
A scramble follows and Miss Mar.
win Immediately dcsecnds to the lower
floor. where her strange visitor IL
charminsiy entertained with steak and
potatoes.
Love for all things. 9rca, and small.
is tho only crcdcntiai that will admit
you 10 animal society. says Miss Mar.
win. and no one Ia better qualified TO
speak in this connection. for her home
Is small 200 and nearly 200 crea.
lures Of the nearby fields and forest
enjoy her hospitality.
So pcrsistentiy has Miss Marvin
demonstrated her fricudiiness for ami.
mails by innumcrabic acts OF thought.
fui Kindness that squirrels for a mile
around know her and will come from
the thiekets at her call. while rae.
ccons. neid mice. ~easeis. wood.
chucks and even many Of the birds
follow her as she takes her morning
walk through the woodland.
This has not bcen accomplished
without much labor. For many months
Miss Marvin ba,ticd against the nat
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1903-09-04
Population Of China.

So much has been said of the teen.
Ing millions Of China that the official
census recently published by the i'm.
perial treasury department Of China is
of no little interest. since 1t furnishes
a method OF determining Just how
many "teemins millions" there are.
II appears that the celestial empire
contains $4,000. .OOu inhabitants. and
that China propcr-the eighteen pro.
yinces-contains 400 100000. The
number of inhabitants per square kilo-
meter varies from s0i in Honan to
~ in kansu and ia on the average
1O3 in the eighteen provinces. In
Mongolia, the number is Z. in Man.
churia ., in Tibet 5. and in Turke.
stan s. For comparison it may be
recalled that Germany has 1o5 inhab-
iiants per square kilometer. Belgium
22o and the United Kingdom 1870.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1903-09-04
smILEs FRcM KANSAS.
New air llne-from the latest sor

New air linc-from the latest song.
A standing agrecment-the wed.
ding.
From buyway to byway-once n
spcndthrift. now tramp.
When girl has Mysteries II Is an
evidence OF some kind OF miss fit
The close fistcd actor In life's drama
In usually succeeded by an open heir
performer.
In enumeratinE the political parties
that have fallen behind. don't forget
the greenback party.
The color blind man Is not always
n blind colorcd man. but the blind
coiored man Is always II color blind
man.
Now. watch me cut a swell" said
one rural Kansas girl To another. as
she declined to dance with tho city
dude.
An Indian who asked mo for a
quarter tho other day said he was
strapped. but found nn close In.
spcction that he had rcd scent.
Geo. Washington was great. In
fact, any young man who signs him.
self Geo. and desires To do something
great can succeed. II hc will simply
eiiminat. the letter iFum his name
he will make Go OF It.
A Hoiton woman has boon annoyed
recently by her husbands visiting kin
who seem To be In no hurry to icay.
Her husband submitted plans the
other morning for improvements on
their home and asked II there was
anything about the premises sh. was
, especially Interested in. "Ycs.' she
, replied. = am Interested ia IN. nighl
OF slayers."-T. c. Mcconnell In Ne~
York Herald.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1903-09-04
The Wild ostriel,.

There are just four regions in
which the wild African ostrich is now
found. He lives In considerable mum.
bers in Arabia, where he has been
little hunted. In Africa his most
northern habitat Is the Soudan and
the southern part of the Sahara, from
the Red Sea almost to the Atlantic
ocean. He does not live in the exces-
sively moist regions OF central Africa,
but in the drier countries between the
Indian ocean and the Nile he is found
in considerable numbers. His fourth
home in Africa is in the great dry
districts of German West Africa, from
the Atlantic ocean more than half
way across the continent.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1903-09-04

the orgies Of circuscE. gingerbread
booths and fat.wom-n shows, which
ar. part and parcel Of III. fair. OF
course. too. they have their swains.
ThcR. siout'armcd yok-is arc In tho
case as they. Farmers enter briskiy
Into colloguy with them. and hira
them with somewhat reckless spcc:s
Thus. hand In hand. tho youth Of both
sexes. having arranged for the nett
six months. take their nli Of tho
pleasures around them. and excite
the wrath of their elders by their
unsainiy froiics and subsequent ca.
I-ra In the adjacent meadow devoted
io nm uncouth kind Of dancing.
In the evening the fair Ia = seen.
of r-,.iry and diversion pur. and
simple. Il In a condition with some
hir-rs aud the hired To pay or bc paid
beforehand. This. Of course works
veil for the booths and truth To tell,
for the three little public houses
who's" white faces look innoccntiy
upon the market place. Each public
house IL Kept by Jones. with .
different Christian name: and each
~'"'N s"tF '|'"ts-'
In changing shiiiinss and haifcro~ns
and serving pots Of very poor beet
nj high price. The large drapcry
store ncs, Ia onr Of the public house.
DOES a proiiEious business. Each
little Kitchen maid with two or thr-s
pounds in her pocket proceeds To lay
out large proportion OF the sum In
gloves. pockcs handkcrchicfs, nc~
s,usfs for dresses. mor- ostrich fca'h'
-rz. trimmings and Royal Lavender
i-puaupt.
Not until tho moon has looked down
with chas,- rcprusch upon the froiick.
-rs for an hour or two do the domcs.
tics think of turning their backs upc-
the fair and ,akinE up tho now carsQ
ot life Som. Of the scenes upon the
road ar. then -. a character TO shock
the sauarc.facci chaLcis which be.
hold them. There is song in the carts
which convey the farmers and their
wives and the new domca,lcs to the
remote homstcads-and there Is also
beer. II is rcckonc'i To require about
a week rrr men and maids and mas,
tors and mis,rcsscs get over the es.
element OF hiring day. There Ia
then the next fair to look forward to
six months hence. less seven days.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1903-09-04
Human Ball Between Locomotives.

While crossing the Pennsylvania
railway tracks at York. Pa. Saturday
night. 12.yearold Harry AmiE was
struck by the train he had not seen
and tossed in front of the engine he
was seeking to avoid. This one prompt
ly pitched him back. with the rcgula.
tion curves. but engine number one
played hot ball in return and for the
third time the boy was sent whizz!ng
through the air. Fortunately he landed
between the tracks this time. where
he was quickly surrounded by group
OF Mortified spectators. The surprise
of the crowd and the JOY q the young.
ster when IL was discovered that he
had not even a scratch 10 show for his
dangerous experience is better left 10
the imagination than otherwise. The
experiment. however, will not bear re-
petition.
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1903-09-04

for. Inform their masters and mis-
irchR.r that they prop1so to attend
tho hiring fair In tn. nearest market
town. IA iik. an not. however. the
boot is on tho other ics. The master
or mIs'rcaa has had enough OF the
domestic. There may be better scr
wants In the fair than those with
which the farm or privat. house has
been provided since last So,.mbcr.
And IA tho mandate of dismissal In
given To III. servants. and employers
and employed aiik. go to IN. fair TO
better themselves"
II Is a Er-st day In tho district.
Signs of IL have been abundant, ionE
beforehand. The servant girls have
sp-n, q deal Of time In flrbishinx
up and trimming their clothes. putting
n-~ feathers Ia theirs hats. and beau
tifyins themselves where they seem
dcariont. They have an -rron-ou.
notion that the naorr cxtraSassntiy
they arc dressed the mor- bidders
,h-r. ~iii be for their hard hands
and capable bToad backs. The aver
age mistress thinks o,hrutsr.
though she cannot in these days ss
ford 10 be considerations In the mat
ter.
Even more interesting than the
damsris arr farm hands. ~ho trend
In the same direction. brown and
weather. stained. they. too. arr In
their best clothes. like the maids. and
carry under their arms lit,i. yellow
or brown boxes in which their sim.
pi- properties are contained. I, may
bc assumed that they arc mostly
bachelors. No, that they show much
ot the iosiaiity tina, oush, TO marx
tn. man who has burdcnci his shoui
dcrs with few Of the harrassinE re.
sppnsibiiitics of life. They are morc
phi-ema,ic than the girls. and seem
by no means In the humor Ia pluck
flowers from the hedge rows. This
however. may bc ascribci ,o their
temperament. not tho hardness at
their circumstances. II Is the out.
come Of close intercourse with earth
ciosis. collie dogs. swine. ami kline
Perhaps. also. " Is one Of the con.
sequences of their gloomy religious
creed. They really seem to have lit
tic or nothing in common With their
Celtic cousins un the other side uf
81, Georges Channel The average
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1903-09-04
RsoTiMe PHILOSOPHY.

starchcd goods don't always com
mand a stin price.
No man can succeed unicSs he has
faith In his own ability.
Character writes It's name CO Q
mans fate In indciibic ink.
A woman never feels dressed up
unless she feels uncomfortable.
Even III. p-ssImIs, sometimes
laughs a: III. troubles Of others.
u seems queer that contractors
should lr employed 70 widen streets,
Love that has nothing but beauty "a
keep /, alive II apt to be short lived.
argument than IL is To prove that you
aru right.
II Is easier To he a little man In .
big tosn than II IL To be a bls man
In a little ,o~n.
A scientist has discovered that
hens lay cEEs In the daytime because
q, night they arc rups,rrs.
Chances come Ia every man. but
nearly every man asks them la ait
down and ~ait I'LL he is ready n
take them. s,d they move on 10 the
next
Rocky Ford enterprise., 1903-09-04
Learning Foreion LANGUAGES, !,

One Of the most interesting features
of the social life of Antwerp is the
polyglot clubs for the mutual teachins
of foreign languages, especially Eng
lish. German and Spanish. Members
meet every week, and all the proceed
ings-lectures. reading. and conversa
tlon-are conducted in languages othe,
than French or Flemish. Mistakes oi
pronunciation are corrected by .hose
present in the most friendly manner
These clubs have given a great stim
illus to the requirement Of foreign
languages.