Waterbury evening Democrat., 1903-07-31
JUST A LITTLE WARM.
The Fat Man Was Squelched By One
 Who Saw Heat.

Who Saw Heat.
 sPhew, but it's hot!' exclaimed the red-faced fat man as he mopped the latest crop of precipitation beads or his brow. s.What's the coolest thing y'know of, bartender? want one"
 Lochinvar Leary gulped down his hot toddy and stared at the fat man who had just spoken.
 ssHope y'don't call this hot weath- CT" he said, with slight shiver. ''This is downright chilly stranger, compared with some of the weather we get i'll Kansas when the mercury starts off on one of its periodic higher-up inves- legations.
 s.Why, out in Hotarea, where come from, it's the regular thing every pleas ant summer afternoon to see the in- habitants standin' round in front of the town hall a-boilin' their dinners fin the city fountain. But, as l say, that's only ordinary weather.
 ''The really hottest day remember ever bein' through out there was just two years ago tomorrow. tell you, sir. I'd like to be able to draw veil over the happenings of that day, but 'twouId have to be an asbestos veil to . hold the heat.
 .That morning got up before sun rise and took a spin down to the post office on my bike. All the governments out there are asphalt, and might have known that the day was goin' to De sort of sultry from the depth my wheel sunk into the street.
 sBut somehow or nuther I didn't suspect it until after both nay tires had melted off on the way back.
 "When [ reached the house, though, and found my little wire-haired fox terrier pup a-lying dead on the porch, n begun t realize that the weather was likely to be right close little later Ill the day"
 "Good heavens, mani" interrupted Rhe fat man. "Do you mean to tell me that there was enough heat before sunrise to kill dog? don't believe
 "
 'sWell, I reckon you don't quite un- Gierstand me- Lochinvar explained. ssI don't mean that the heat itself ac- tually killed this little wire-haired fox kterrier pup of mine. But it made his hair crinkle up so durn tight that the poor little crittur was squeezed to death, which is almost the same thing.
 But, as I was about to say. when saw this little wire-haired fox terrier la-lying dead there, I began to realize that it was going to be somewhat warm a little later.
 "sSposin' the ices melted thought I, and I rushed to sec.
 .sWeIl, sir, that bit of fool rashness of mine durn near cost me my eye sight Just as yanked the door Inpen a gush of hot air rushed in. and the ice box thermometer exploded with a bang that splattered boiling mercury all over my face.
 sI flew out of the house with q whoop of pain, and made for the doc tor's house as fast as my legs, handi- capped by bubbling payements could carry me.
 "What saw at the doctors house made me stop short in spite of my pain. There was the doc and his wife land all the little docs a-sittin' around a roarin' big bonfire out on the lawn.
 "The whole blame family's gone Sippy with the heat says I, but before I.had time to turn the doctor had spied me
 q. What on earth's the matter?' he shouted running toward me. What's lip with your face? Here jump in the fire and get cool
 s'With that, before could tear my self from him. he picked me up and tossed me into the roaring blaze.
 'Was the doc crazy? Not on your life. Why, do you know, the weather was so hot that that fire was actually cool by contrast wondered hadn't thought of it myself.
 "It didn't do me much good, though. for I hadn't more than got comfortab- ly settled in the cooling blaze when Il man on horseback came gallopin' down the street, yellin' for everyone to make for the river; that all the as- Ephalt streets in the upper part of the town had melted and were flowing down hill.
 eve Jumped to our feet, but twas too late. Just as we reached the gate, Winter street and Spring avenue came sizzling and bubbling, down Frost boul- evard, carrying all before them.
 ''We turned and made for the hills in the rear of the does. Six hours later burned and hlistered after our hard struggle, we succeeded in reach Ing a point of safety.
 'When 1t was all over we found that 1t had been lucky for us that we had been forced to the hills, for soon after the streets had begun to flow the Cold stream river had boiled over it's banks and cut off all means of escape in that direction.
 Now that, stranger, is what I call tolerabiy warm weather. Give me another hot one, MT Bartender