The St. Louis Republic., 1903-03-08
THE CHOOSING OF WIVES
Practical Suggestions by
Mrs. Elizabeth Duer.

ana jill Win loving 1mpetuoSity precipildees
herself headlong after Jack in disaster-ft
may be interesting to ask: what Is wrong
in these days with matrimony?
why is it yearly becoming more and
more Of a faiure?"
1t Is easy to shut our eyes to existing
facts and to pretend that the marital in
felicities of our own particular circle are no
more frequent than they were twenty-five
years ago or that they are only keeping
pace with an enlarged visiting list. but 1t Is
not true; the mishaps OF domestic life are
much more common than they were. and
who is to blame?
There Is hardly a man who would not all
swer in the words Of naughty, ungallant
Adam, the prototype Of all husbands. The
woman whom thou gavest me to be with
me-"
In spite Of the meanness Of the reply, We
feel some sympathy with Adam. because he
had no choice. but the men Of to-day arc
responsible for their own selection and the
natural conclusion Is forced upon US that
their judgment Is poor.
II is not too much to affirm that there are
mure good, intelligent, desirable women in
the world to-day than ever before. and yet
things matrimonial are growing steadily
worse The reason is not far to seek: mar
rage is the one point in which men show
no common sense.
Iney demand inc ldteSt lWeutletn Seu-
tury product Of prettiness. something 80
perfect that 1t proclaims an abnormally de-
veloped interest in self. and then from this
lovely mondaine they expect the domestic
characteristics Of her great-grandmother
In other words. men have revolutionized
their tastes and not their standards, and the
discrepancy brings many q household 70
grief.
Undoubtedly our young people are undis-
ciplined. and the idea Of bearing what Il un-
pleasant for conscience sake or for the
sake Of personal dignity Is repudiated with
scorn.
This impatience. combined with q craze
for amusements and a contempt for all au-
thority. may Justly be considered as q fac
tor In the divorce suits that are disgracing
the land: but besides all this. there is that
other reason Just mentioned-the discrep-
ancy between mems tastes and standards
that is even more far-reaching.
The trouble lies in the masculine alb
stract conception Of the feminine character.
and-here Is the point-the failure Of the
modern woman to conform to this standard.
Not q willful failure. be 1t understood. but
one necessitated by the inherent qualities OF
the kind Of woman men seem to md most
attractive
What tho average man expects Of his wife
could only be accomplished by more than
average intelligence. and yet this II the quail
ihCatlOa tLdb ud3 lcd66 D6dlluK on
in love. The idealization Of the gentler sex
Is inculcated In our men from infancy.
Fostered by a type Of mother now fast
disappearing and stimulated by every tale
OF chtvalry and romance which rouses the
Imagination. Is II any wonder th4t they
cling to the illusion Of . freside angelf
There il much Of the boy in all men worth
ed In their schemes and cool-headed In their
mode Of carrying them out, but in their estt-
mate Of women they arc a. simple a. chill
dren.
II you could get at the IDEAL woman Of
ncst mems Imagination. the woman who
when found II to be placed In their hearts
throne, you might discover some excuse for
the shortcomings Of modern wives. The re.
quirements are, to say the least, complex
She must be loving and sympathotic, and
all that his mother was to him, and more
besides.
What he calls his faults must seem to her
rather attractive idiosyncrasies, inaannch
fsu In love. while his virtues dazzle her adj
miring eyes.
She must know By intuition the value OF
money and the intricacies Of housekeeping,
out the less natural intelligence she brings
to bear upon these questions The mora at
tractivs she seems to the lover.
She must be pretty, but not vain; fun OF
innocent coQuetriea. to give Q nllip to an
easily satiated temperament, but pure -
Caesars wife.
Her religious views must b orthodox. be.
cause her husband, while describing hiunseIs
0o himself a. respecting religion, Il not
often active ir its support. and desires his
cnuaren to b brought Up under fts restrain
Ing fnduenceA
Lastly. should disenchantment come N
must come to him alone. and the true wifo
VIII remain a. serene under neglect a. she
was In the time Of her supremacy. For III
her reward may be the reclamation Of ~
providing she II patienN
and tender enough to maks him feel that
home Is the best placs to die IN.
Alasi few Griseldas survive, end II they
did they would not attract The younx men
or to-day. Our sons expect the flowers to
nourtsh them and ind the process Of starra-
bon hard to bear.
II mems ideals were more LOGICAL thar fui.
1llment would be simplified
They marry silly women because thew ara
pretty, or because they wear lace fuFbeiowS
or because they have cooling ways and then
hey are amazed when the shore-lived happf-
hess comes to grief. They shrink WITH dis
asts from what they call the new woman
md yet, II they would only believe II. herein
les the salvation Of the race
by the new woman" I do not mean n
masculine, assertive creature, who has cast
IN her preogative Of being Charming. nor
'et spectacled prig. ready to Challenge
opinion almost before It II expressed.
mean the woman who stands for truth
IND simplicity. who. wearied by the su-
,erfcal. demands the real In education ana
ne. She Is no longer q child. with a veneer
u renected opinions and inherited pre-
udices. She Is reasoning and reasonable
'eing. with direct aims and the common
ense to apply to her abilities to whatsvar
alls within her province.
Granted that the pioneers In the e6uca.
ional movement were a trffie self-conscJou,
n regard to their success, that phase ha.
llready passed, and the younger xeuera-
Ions accept their extended privileges a. .
natter OF course.
No expansion can take place without q
adjustment Of values, and Il Is through
ne OF these periods OF sudden imitation ana
everish excitement that the female market
las Just passed.
After all. they ask very little-oniv "a
;eep pace with the men they love and ~
hare their burdens; to be valued for tbeir
Intelligence as well as their beauty: to be
reated by their husbands as fellow vork.
rs and not as spoiled children: In a word
o stand for Western progress and not for
'rfental decadence.
A few years ago there came to this corn,
ry In diplomatic capacity a gentleman
'hom IT would be invidious to name more
than as a denizen Of the land
pigtails and polygamy.
He was accompanied by one Of his wsveG
'ho was to preside over his establishments
nd take her place among her Western COL
agues.
The little lady found her SURROUNDINGS
lther overwhelming: she failed to master
lie language and the formal functions Of
ficial life were hardly hilarious to \ uer-
MI