The daily tribune., 1903-06-01
BY BYPON MLLAr15

Beautiful spring. We delight in y"
| We can soon wear a belt instead of sus-
penders."
| tor His name Is Rein, and we pre-
sumo he gave his poetic .'hoss" a loose
one to write such jovial poesy: but we
want to know:
On what plan is this editor built
that he can wear a belt instead OF
suspenders?" The average editor
who has been tied to desk for years,
gets SO full In the middle region that
he has the appearance of having swal
lowed feather bed or a largesized
1 football in its inflated state. A man
/ OF this sort may wear belt, bu. he
has to wear suspenders AS well He
I wears the belt because he has shucked
his vest and desires to hide the stom
ach band of his trousers. At least
that is the supposition Now this ed
itor. being corpulent, naturally per-
spires freely and is hot under the col
lar and under the suspenders most
/ OF the time, but he dare not take off
the shoulder straps and 20 1t alone
with the belt, because the belt keeps
slipping down and down, and gives
him the same queer feeling q woman
has at fancy ball when she feels
her petticoat going At least, we i'm.
agine IT gives the same awesome
scare. Never having been woman
or owned a petticoat, except through
the avenue of feminine helpmeet, we
cannot conscientiously compare the
two slips, but we can speak in gen
eral way for the sake of Illustration
Now, how does this Texas editor man.
age to keep his surcingle from slip
ping? 1t is getting warm up this way
and we would appreciate prompt re
turns
Hamlin Garland has abbreviated his
book writing for time and Is busly
engaged in Washington, ID. c., revis-
ing the names Of Indians on the gov.
ernment rolls. The red man Is soon to
be citizen and he must have a com
moner name than that applied by hi.
tribesmen. For instance, In .latei
years 1t would not be conducive t.
best citizenship to read notices lik,
these in 4 country paper.
Mrs. Mud-inithe-Esr entertained al
pink tea Tuesday. She was assiste,
by Miss Afraid-ofthe- Eclipse. Mrs
Dog -Chase-the-JackR Rabbit poured"
Yesterday at noon as the sun shon
effulgent at its zenith, Miss Cricket
of-the-Tepee was united in the hol.
bonds OF matrimony with Startled alta
Calf The happy words that unite
- fyrD I.,, II
Foot-Lame-Horse OF Chickasaw. Tn
presents were many and numerous il
cluding q full set of china butte
plates presented by the brides fathe.
Hail-in-theFace, and her mother, Hi
watha-Struck-by The guest
from out Of town were Heap-Big Claw
Foot Of Aborigine. Miss Gazelle-Necl
of Tecumseh, Stuck-Fast-in-the-M -Mu
and Antelope-Ann of Bearfsh Mr.. an
| Mrs. Startled-at-a-Calf will be
nome ailer June at the home Of the
brides parents, 81 Flint street"
1t is to be hoped that Mr.. Garland
Will eradicate all such possibilities;
otherwise the printer is liable to run
out of hyphens.
country editor. noting that Mr.
Rockefeller has $4,000 COW. re,
marks that several citizens are like.
wise blessed. except that the town
cows OF his village cost some less than
Mr.. Rockefeller's bovine The scribe
deprecates cows being kept in the'vii.
lage environs, anyhow, whether by Mr..
Rockefeller or Mr.. Ouselblousen, the
local shoemaker. The editor does not
object to the domesticated Madame
Bovine as a scavenger. but
when she goes proselyting lboui
In the dead stiffness OF the
| night drinking his rairwateI
and leaving evidences OF a social visit
In close proximity to his back door.
he Is for csrtailmsnt Of the free
dom enjoyed by the meek-eyed quad
ruped The editor should teach his
town COWS to be more elevated: the
place to leave a calling card is at the
front door, rather than at the rear,
where bovine carnot always avoid
even the appearance OF evil
On
A Missouri editor has created a SEN
sation by printing strong editorial
defensive of Sunday fishing He in
sists 1t Is no more a sin to catch a
nsh on Sunday than to catch yellow
legged chicken for minister's dinner.
The comparison is clever and may
save him much unpleasant criticism
from the pulpit.
An Iowa editor asks. How Is Your
HearingT To accommodate him we
reply that 1t varies. So acute is 1t on
Saturdays that we can hear the
ghost" walk. BY Wednesday morn
Ing. however, we cannot hear a bill
| collector beat base drum.