The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1903-12-03

Ait-DitS.
Prhaps it takes several larks to make
summer, but it doesn't take many
swallows to bring a fall.-Cornell
Widow.
Too Much Breakage.-The Maid
Shall dust the bric-a- brac, mum? The
Mistress-Not to-day, Nora. l don't
think we can afford it.-Pick-Me-Up.
Yeast-Well, he has something now
he can't control Crimsonbeak-Gra-
cious. Has he bought an automobile OF
been getting married ?-Yonkers States.
man.
Fudge-Yes, all Of Browns hopes
went up In smoke, Ell? Fudge-Yes;
his hopes were that his coal supply
would hold out until summer.-Balti-
more Herald.
Advice to the Widow.-Widow tear.
fully)-"Yes, my daughters are now
my only resources. Friend-Take my
advice and husband your resources
well.-Princeton Tiger.
What's the difference between the
Tramps' Protective Association and a
golf fiend" "Well?" why, one links
the tramps, and the other tramps the
links. Princeton Tiger.
Teacher-Bessie, name one bird that
Is now extinct. Little Bessie-Dick!
Teacher-Dick? What sort Of bird
is that? Little Bessie-Our canary-the
cot ovtinotod him i-puck
Miss Sentty Mental-The man l mar
ry must be brave as lion; one whom
nothing could swerve from his course.
Her Suitor-Yes, but can't afford an
auto.-Chicago Daily News.
Where it really did hurt: Tommy
Did paw say it hurt him worse than 1t
did you? Johnny-Nope; but it did, cuz
while he wuz whalin' me 1 stepped on
his corn.-Indianapolis Sun.
Teacher-Johnnie, this is the worst
composition in the class, and I'm going
to write to your father and tell him.
Johnnie-Don't keer if We do; he wrote
1t for me.-Detroit Free Press.
Wasn't even a real one: Uncle (trot-
ting Harry on his knee)-Do you like
this, my boy? Harry-Pretty well; but
/ rode on a real donkey the other day
at the Zoo.-Harvard Lampoon.
| "Our new cook Is treasure" Does
she make choice dishes?" No; but she
can drop tin pan so it sounds exact
ly as IL she were breaking out best cut
glass bowl" Journal.
Judging from what he says. he
doesn't believe in college education"
"Why, nevr heard him declare against
It," "Oh! no, but what he says Is al
ways ungrammatical." -Philadelphia
Press.
| On the Train.-Tourist--I think, sir,
you had better close the window on
your side. There is such a draught
your mother-in-law may catch cold.
Traveller (smiling)-I know that.-Paris
Figaro.
Miss Passe (coy)-Now, do you think
1 look my age? Capt. Candor-I don't
know what your age is. Miss Passe
(coyer)-Twenty-seven. Capt. CandOr
No; you certainly don't look it.-Bos-
| ton Globe.
Husband drritably)-It isn't year
since you said you believed our mar
rage was made in heaven, and yet
you order me around as If l wasn't
anybody. Wife (calmly)-Order is
heavens first law.-New York Week
| ly.
ut never pays to hurt peoples feel
ings," remarked the Humane Chap.
"Oh, I don't know" replied the Wise
Guy; "friend of mine makes a pretty
good living at it." who Is he? "a
dentist. "-Cincinnati Commercial Trib-
une.
Internal evidence: Grandpa-Yes, it's
a good thing for boy to travel, Fred
DIV. 1t develops him. If he has any
thing In him, travel will bring it out.
Freddy (who is precocious)-Yes, dis
covered that when l was crossing the
Channel.-Tit-B Bits.
Am to understand that you were
discharged from the army for mere
breach of etiquette" queried the inter-
ested friend. Eyes, SIR" boldly assert
ed Colonel Blupher. What was it?"
Turning my back to the enemy
Philadelphia Record.
Home Appreciation.-'Tt must be
great satisfaction to have such a pa
latial apartment" said the old-time
friend. st is" answered Mr.. Cum
rox; "It's a heap of comfort to have
house big enough to wander away and
get lost In when mother and the gals
are giving a musicale or a reception"
Washington Star.
His Unlucky Lapse.-I had a good
L. 4