The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1903-05-03

Filter. ..We thought for while we
might save up and buy Jimmy an
Auto, but when we looked in the Gaia Gaia 4
4 logue we found that the Price was y
$4,000 So we decided II he wanted to Il
practice Homicide 1t would be cheap
er to get him on the Police Force
Being too poor to send him to a Uni
yersty wo let him take Lessons at O
Boxing Academy, and low, when th'sI y any &
ono starts Rough House, he Is almost
as handy as regular Student He can
4 smoke Egyptian Cigarettes and blow Nv ,
the Smoke through his Nose. and no
4 gives mo tho laugh when ! call him him
down, and so I feel that we have ac-
complished by Home Training what
might have been expected from Col
lege Course. AS for Vivian, our bright
eyed little Daughter. she IS the zippi-83
estHIIigh-Flyer that speeds the Bout
evard. When 1t comes 70 french Heeis
1 and tho long Straight Front and az !
kinds OF Blouse hanging In front OF 4
her. she can mako tho average Society
4 BUD look like bum Imitation. She
4. has one Of these wig-wag Walks-tileE !
kind that makes People jump off the
G Sidewalk. or course, she Is only the
Daughter Of nm obscure Steam-Fltter.
but let mo give you q Pointer You
can't tell by lookin' Mt one OF these
Fairies nowadays what kind OF Clothes
her Father wears. When 1t comes TO
5Lugs, can't see that the Heiress mas
any Bulge on the simple Working Girl.
AS for putting into tho Social swim,
she has n Scheme al framed UP, pys
which she expects to become acqualnt-
ed with ali OF tho Gold-Plated johns
MOS Who sinfest tho Municipality. She
is going on the Stage to DO Snow
Girl. She says that tho Debutante
seldom has more than one on ner
7 starr. whilo the Show Girl can take her
pick Of q Large Bunch. So you sec
fiat IN these days Of Public Schools
and cheap Reading Matter and GUS
tom,made limitations, even the most
Humble can occasionally make g Blult
at being the Real Thing 80 long as
my Children boot at my SUGGESTIONS
and tell me every Day Where ~ sse
on or how to back over the Dump
Ioana win not be altogether discour-
aged in regard to their Social ga
reers. In fact, tho only thing thar
worries me Is the Fear that wont
Z hc able TO keep up with them.'
, ~ am glad to find you so Phllosoph-i
3 ical,n said the Mlllonairess, NAfter
reading several Books written BY Col
lege Professors. who disguised them,
selves as Laborers and went and llveq
among the down-trodden Masses se
have supposed that Steam titt y!
4 was a rather gloomy Proposition" -,
,.Why should be gloomy .l,na
formal Dinner Party Is the champ'o "
Gloom ia Glory, and never have 70 ~
near ono OF them, ] don't have 70 Wenea
my Intellect TO a Frazzle keeping =. up
With the Popular Novels. w hen g por,
x elgn Musician or Lady with u nv
system Of culturitls hobs up on ne
Horizon, ] don't have to 80 ehas,as
around, letting on that ] am ln s.,asa
ed. You never see me at one q , l,,s
punk Amateur Performances, app!aAuur
4 Ing the Bank Accounts, Nop2ay = %" :.
poets me- to make any Calls any
never drink Tea except wllenI I, Y, ,Ma ~
It, The Scandal Sheets never STOW -
my Family History, and, as =. tat !, as 81
can learn. my Wife meyer, n'Fe as, . t nat
teetive I'd watch me. IT Is true Nlhs
sometimes i find nothing on the Menu
except corned Beef and Whai goes
With ii, but ! tear into II With an APP