The Minneapolis journal. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn.) 1888-1939, 1903-11-30

A man in Bloom township, Mimi, COM
plains bitterly to the Adrian Democrat
that he has been the sport Of the pro-
fessional spirit. He says that he had a
little eczema on the side, or something
as good, and that he went to a
the recent theory about. the germ Of one
disease destroying the germ Of another
disease The doctor fed him mild form
of vaccinated cholera germ which at once
jumped the eczema germ and pounded
it good and plenty. When the eczema.
germ was down and counted out, the man
had a case Of oh olera which the good ply
sician combatted with the quinsy germ.
The quinsy microbe went into the cholery
bug hammer and tongs and the fight that
ensued the doctor described the most
interesting ever seen in his professional
career Finally the quinsy rah-rahs put
the ball across the cholera bugs goal and
the cholera quit. The doctor then started
on a course of medication to eliminate the
quinsy beetle but it was at this point that
the Bloom township man "riz." He de-
clared that he WIS SO full of microbe holes
that the wind blew thru him like a seive.
He limited to the Adrian Democrat that he
was living on fried mothballs, cedar chests
and tar paper and that the very sight or
microbe with brass knuckles on made
him run Yet his case is "a most inter-
eStlnS one.
Fitzsimmons is little old for scrap
per. but managed to drag away his share
Of the gate receipts without rupturins
himself
Chicago people who were walking and
felt better for 1t are now clinging to the
street car straps by their eyebrows again
and paying a nickel for the privilege.
When father carves the turkey we know
where the dark meat trust is.
An ex-governor of Massachusetts, who
had the remarkable talent OF always
knowing everybody, especially voters, ex-
planned at a recent cattle show how he
old it. An old farmer who had once
driven him across the, country came up
to shake hands. and was Immediately rec
ognized 'tAh,'' said the governor, "how
d'you do? How's Jack?" (Jack was the
farmers son.o 'Oh, he's WELL said the
delighted old man. His interest was still
further increased when the governor said:
"And how's the old white horse?" When
the old man had passed on a friend said
to the governor: Did you really remenn-
Der about that white horse?' mo" he
said, IT saw white hairs on his coat and
CHANGED It..
The Lichville, N. D., Bulletin man has
been assisting the Congregational church
to buy an organ. He tells how his gro
Gerry bill suddenly rose from SSH to S29.3S
for the week his wife and the other lady
members gave their sandwich and hot
coffee social how the fish pond paid 400
per cent, and how, after clearing up the
debris and paying the damage, 1T was
discovered that the ladies' aid society had
funds enough to pay for an organ and
SO besides Everybody said it was 8
grand success. Plans are now being made
to build a church around the organ and
the editor has been stuck for a donation
of two town lots.
| One Of those tthustlers'' came into the
office the other day and voiced a loud
complaint Here I am" he said, wear
ing out shoe leather and talking all ths
| time on a small salary, while L have
seen those fellers that sat in their chairs
and never wear out a pair of shoes a
year and never talked at ALL or only
| word two, going way ahead Of me. I
| started out as hustler Now I'll tell
you what I believe Is the trouble. This
hustling isn't what it's cracked UP to be.
| The fellow that sits in his chair and
| thinks and makes only one or two moves
| in a year, he's got all US hustlers pounded
to pulp You see we're always a-going
! on the dead run and wearing out lung
and leather and when an opportunity
| comes around we are either too tired Or
| not ready for it. But the fellow that sits
| in the chair. he's got 1t all figured out
| Just how he's going to act on given
| occasion, and when the occasion arrives
| he jumps in with both feet and doesn't
say word.
| whats the result? He's eating at the
West hotel, while we are topping a stool
I at a lunch counter"
| And the hustler buttoned up his coat
and retired in disgust. A. j. R.