Virginia citizen. (Irvington, Va.) 1891-1921, 1903-04-24
lCOmmnnicafedI
DEDICATED TO THE MEMORY OF

mat high influential citizen, femi
nine heart breaker, kissing Bildad
handsome mail boy, modern Romeo
aud honest, trustworthy and obedien,
servant of Uncle Sanitary Kerst
Whom the tempest and storms have
beat upon for quarter of century
Who so willingly and manfully ex,
plains the trials and tribulations of
Willie, and sings tot be public the
reason Willie was never kissed (on
account of his love for 25 cent
Porto Rico juice, and his poetical
duties not giving him time to attend
to his mustache). While he puts
me side by side with ancient Ananias,
stick to my text that Harry has
been kissed by ali classes, for he is
an only cbild-or, in other words,
mama's boy and papa's Joy-reared
on mint juleps, Uulpeper pine tar
and honey, and hasn't the least
sign of mustache. His beautiful
upper lip looks as if it has been
shaved, sand-papered and vanished.
There is not single sprig, no not
one.
The vacillstirg Harry skipped
from his honorable residence the
same night that Willie did, and
showed up at the same old party.
After pa had subdued Nebuchad-
nezzar Harry began to look and all
at once went over on his allfours and
began to play the innocent lamb.
He kicked the king heater down and
tore away the stove pipe in order to
bleat up the chimney. His cries
were so natural that in an instant
the house was surrounded with the
heecy tribe thinking that it was one
of their number that had strayed
from the fold. He was begged to
keep quiet, but his determined will
would not let him stop. BY this
time his keeper had arrived, but re-
fused to vouch for him. 1t was then
decided to put him out. When
Informed of this he kicked up, and
with roar that shook the house (and
was mistaken for earthquake), he
said he could face a frowning world,
aud out he went. In an instant there
was terrible noise, and looking out
there was Harry jumping % feet at
every pop, while his whoop and yelIs
rent the air and could have been
heard half way to Staten Island. 1t
was soon evident to all present that
the sheep had Harry in full tilt. In
trying to jump the fence he got
Iammed and one of the most accom-
modating of the flock undertook 10
help him over, and gave him a extra
lift, which landed him in the river a
few feet away. Getting a boat and
rushing to the rescue all that could
be seen was Harry's big S2.49
good time beaver hat revolving over
at the rapid rate of $500 revolutions
. minute and bubbles rising as big as
diamond back terrapins. We fished
him out little distigured, but still
In the ring, and the first word he
spoke was to know if thunder had
struck anybody but him.
Here another trouble confronts his
many friends, for, as l have stated.
he is exposed to heavy weather and
is so disgusted with the fieecy tribe
that he declares most emphatically
he will wear no article of clothing
manufacted from his wool, not even
yarn sock.
lie leaves it to the CITIZENS
readers to decide which is the most
wholesome food, bananas and love or
grass. While bananas are luscious.
four In As hours would make a man
eat grass, marlin spikes, etc., and
teach him to select quantity instead of
quality. He also says it's the way
a man is raised. suppose so. Willie,
raised on grass and Porto Rico mo.
lasses, weighs 225, while Harry,reared
on Juleps, bananas, love, etc., tips the
scales at the bantam weight Of II2k
with his hip boots on. He thinks
"Tom Pepper" a more suitable nom
de plume than "Sailor Lad" and saws
it should be copyrighted. A bargain, |
provided he will patent Honest Abe
and wear tag bearing that inscrip.
ton and put a muzzle on to keep
him from eating his tag. 1t would be
more appropriate than "Idlewild,"
for he is one of the most gentle and
domestic little fellows in town and
has a countenance that would have
been the envy of Madame De Stael,
kind disposition that would exceed
Florence Nightingale, and a will
that will rank him with Napoleon.
He concludes by saying he trusts
ne is on the Lords side, and advises
me to come over before it's to late.
Oh! how / thank him, for good
advice is always seasonable. l am not
as confident as Harry and don't know
whether l will stand side by side
with him in the great hereafter or
not. But know that every drop of
blood in this old frame flows with
friendly relations to Harry and his
doctrine.
Now Harry, should we never meet
again In this cold and unfriendly
world | ask you to remember me in
your prayers and pray that we NAV
walk the narrow path together and
enter the pearly gates with song on
our lips and harps in our hands. that
We NAV Dass on t0 tbat La,o,> &c