The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1903-10-04

Speaking of sure things naturally
calls to mind the case of my old friend
Deacon Wiggleford, whom l used TO
know back in Missouri years ago. The
Deacon was powerful pious man. and
he was good according to his lights,
but he didn't use a very superior artl-
Gle of kerosene to keep them burning.
Used to take up half the time in pray
er meeting talking about how We were
all weak vessels and stewards But ne
was so blamed busy exhorting others
TO give out Of the fullness with which
the Lord had blessed them that he sort
of forgot that the Lord had blessed him
about fifty thousand dollars worth,
and put it all in mighty safe property,
too, you bet.
The Deacon had a brother in Chica-
go whom he used to call a sore trial
Brother Bill was a broker on the Board
of Trade and, according to the Deacon,
he was not only engaged in mighty
sinful occupation, but he was mighty
poor steward of his sinful gains. Smok-
ed two-bit cigars and wore plug hat.
Drank a little and cussed little and
went to the Episcopal Church, though
he had been raised Methodist. Alto
gether it looked as if Bill was a pretty
hard nut.
Well, one fall the Deacon decided to
go to Chicago himself to buy his Win
ter goods, and naturally he hiked out
to Brother Bills to stay, which was
considerably cheaper for him than the
Palmer House, though, as he told US
lA hi c-i6 fN
see the waste.
Well, when Brother Bill got nome
from business that first night, the
Deacon explained that every time he lit
a two-bit cigar he was depriving a
Zulu of twenty-five helpful little tracts
which might have made a better man
of him: that fast horses were a snare
and plug hats a vile of the Enemy;
that the Board of Trade was the Tenn
pie of Belial and the brokers on it his
sons and servants.
Brother Bill listened mighty patient
ly to him, and when the Deacon had
pumped out all the Scripture that was
in him and was beginning to suck air,
he sort of SUNK into the conversation
like a setter pup that's been caught
with the feathers on his chops
Brother Zeke,' says he, Il shall GER
tainly let your words soak in. 1 want
to be number two red, hard, sound
and clean sort of a man, and grade
contract on delivery day. Perhaps, IS
you say, the rust has got into me and
the Inspector won't pass me, and if l
can see it that way Til settle my trades
and get out of the market for good
The Deacon knew that Brother Bill
had scraped together considerable
property, and, as he was a bachelor, it
would come to him in case the broker
| was removed by any sudden dispense
ton. What he really feared was that
| this money might be fooled away in
! high living and speculation. And SO he
! had banged away into the middle of
the flock, hoping to bring down those
two birds. Now that it began to look
as if he might kill off the whole bunch
| he started in to hedge.
! rs it safe, William" says he.
| LAS Sunday-School," says Bill, 'if
| you do a strictly brokerage business
and don't speculate"
II trust, William, that you recognize
| the responsibilities of your steward
ship?''
! Bill fetched a groan. ''Zeke," saws
| he, you cornered me there, and
| 'spose l might as well walk up to the
| Captains Office and settle. I hadn't
| bought or sold a bushel on my own
| account in a year till last week, when
I got your letter saying that you were
| coming. Then I saw what looked like
a safe chance to scalp the market for
a couple of cents a bushel, and ]
bought 10000 September, intending to
turn over the profits to you as a little
present, so that you could see the town
and have a good time without it's cost
ing you anything
did good turns for McMurray and
without any urging, played faro fol-
perhaps half an hour, neither winning
nor losing To any ALARMING eytaDt