davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1903-09-13

titanic heap one feels that ne has at
tained the utmost heights OF the world
the ultima Thule of this planet--or what
the Commander in Chicf, who accompa-
MED mo on my pilgrimage. designated rs
the "jumpn of place Of creation.
+ AS d cold-blooded. statistical proposa-
uon.t the Peaks of Otter Is not the high
est point In Virginia. Even the Flat Top
Mountain, across the valley, Is loftier.
The Peaks is only 3.s75 feet above the sea
level and 2875 feet above the valley. while
Fiat Top Is 4,001 feet above the sea level
For years past have been meeting Yir-
Einians who almost foaned at the mouth
with indignation when one ventured the
n assertion that other mountains In this
state surpassed the Peaks In height. but
even the most insistent have now thrown
up the sponge. Elliott's Knob, on North
Mountain, In Augusta county, leads the
list with an altitude Of 4,473 feet above
the sea level. while Bald Knob (Nlountain
Lake., in Giles, lopes proudly behind with
a record OF 4.345 feet. But what are these
ere bumps on the cheek OF nature com
pared to the appalling wart which looms
UP above tho green Bedford hills Ike
some relic OF NEUROLOGICAL days. Other
mountains may rise heavenWard and may
crumble with the mutations of centuries.
but the Peaks will always be found It the
old stand. and Is guaranteed to come up
to all the advertised specifications. What
the, summit lacks in helght---and after
all height makes but little difference ex-
cept 10 those inquisi tive friends who pos
sess tape lines-the mountain makes up
in righteousness and picturesqueness.
It's Interesting features are innumerable
There Is the Table Rock where one. look
ing haughtily down on the turkey buzz
yards flying in the valley below, eats his
fried chicken and sandwiches: the Bal
ance Rock. which one may turn, but not
uproot from Its stony socket and the
Needles Eye. which one crawls through
With the delicious sensation that II he
slips he may break his mock. Indeed. the
whole summit affords one ample facili-
ties for getting rid OF n superhuous wife
or kinsman, though am reliably In
Toned that there have been few, II any.
serious accidents on the mountain. 1t is
to be hoped however, that no banana
peels are thrown carelessy about the
place. misstep on one Of these hered-
ltary enemies OF man would certainly
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1903-09-13
ascent revenlsta more stunted vegetation.

ascent reyealsta moro stunted vegetation.
On the very summit OF the mountain I
saw golden rods, mountain laurel and
dwarfed chestnuts, while 200 or 800 feet
below the browning rocks are dozens Of
species OF wild flowers. The immense
bouders which form the apex Of the Peak
ARE covered with fungous growth which,
rapidly darkens with the absence OF mos-
ttre and looks very much like dried
leaves A little lower down the mountain
the granite takes on beautiful llchens
and velvety MOSES, while maiden-ha
ferns adorn tho Peaks almost to It's
topmost heights. Many Of the ferns are
taken n way by visitors, while tho MOSES
and lichens. az before intimated, are
scraped away to make room for lnltlsls
and names. i3 In s3 M
Ne There is very little to be said Of the
fauna OF the Peaks, though even tho
highest rock Is not without Its forms OF
animal life Our party, while contem-
plating the beauties OF the valley below
and wondering II the SUN would produce
tfreckles, was driven away from IT'S lofty
perch by a swarm Of winged aunts, when
evidently mlstook us for free lunch
counter. Two or three hundred feet
from the top notch one frequently sees
snails and also a repulsive brown worm
about six inches long and blessed with
"a multitude Of legs strongly suggestive
OF fine tooth comb. II all the limbs
of this worm get as weary In ascending
the mountain as my two legs did. the
poor critter must reach the limit Of
fatigue every time It takes n climb. IL. G.
Rosser, the manager Of the aerial hotel
among the crags, has an interesting
beagle hound named I4ynchburg. which
spends its life among the rocks and lives
luxurlantly on the picklngs from dis
carded lunches Lynchburg can clint. the,
bo,,lders like aGibraltar monkey, and so
car Mr.. Rosser, for that matter. When.
things are dull the little hound goes
parts accord. very we'll with the scenery.
4 plain, everyday hound dog that lives
down in the3svalley below comes up 4 @
the Peaks every day for its lunch. This
nun, like the acrobatlc Lynchburg, knows
that where travellers visit crumbs and
chicken bones may always be found ''r,d
There are all sorts Of tales is to how
far one can see from the Peaks. Some
say that the eye can look into four.
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1903-09-13
a TPAGEDY IN WHICH DUCHESS WAS NOT GU7L7IES'

III ever we finds any yacht So ilo RS Or
$phans, dey'll have ice cream and candy
de rest of deir lives: but Twas feeling
like / wished I had a home as far Off t as 4
scandehoovia to so to, al de time 4 vas
helping to solve refreshments after De-
ball was over knowed dat I could 4
square meself wit Mr.. Paul, all giht,&&
but had me opinion dat Miss Fannie
would be dead sore on me Tor not tell
ing WILDLY dat / was going to borrow her
poodle. Ell XII ]. Il
Bpt when dc folks w had w Ment' a 'aes
vets, Miss Fannie calls me to de hall
and she looks around to see dot no one &
wag she aone
o"a Tanks. MiSs Fannie" says Whats Whats
flaming, Mrs. Harding poodle, 50 dat {
de vet will have to put It out OF a de Is
Woild VT eorforn. You did It on 'l'l pei III
p Say. i Was was in what dey calls, a prob-S:
lem play, den. 1 hadn't done. de poodle 4
on poipose, but II It made me stand e, Den
good with Miss Fannie to have tc,a h rnr fnh
or anything else. So. Just looks ,Wise,ssi
and says, frank you Miss Fannie ands
goes on me way. Il 4, I, : y. 4,
But when I sees Duchess tens ler " 70
put me wise on de game. ~, 80, .s5,
ut is SO simple" says Duchess;,,.. n ms
zelle Fannie admire Madam Harding ,yerryA
SO som much oh Of dat poodle Also Whiska!re,s.
he do not like de poodle. WI nat el VII VII
you'll $, y, Z Z l, 4. y. =. s Y ,s
Xeytlns Ts srts M sf1nE Mar ssy
know very true dat Madam Harding WIN
more be Wit paddan
wit a pair Of solled boots, or gloves-asuhaooj
she'd die before dat-da9 to De seen WY ~
ting dat has made her o. de fe aa lou aa ny
zelie. and perhaps to Vh!skaire.'' y III
If Duchess hadn't doped de game TO me-
right, Id been paralyzed when WlS1Sayi3
comes to me IN rev a days. s,r,Ss saws
dat dc poodle was not much holt: and did4
/ know of some kind people dat wopS!abl
'precate and tenderly care Tor Fldo,. pe-
cause she didn't tink de climate Of Wes VEST,
chester county was good for de littlsS
dears healt. s6
was ali her life dying for Just such g
beautiful dog as h'ldo: and her oia age a6s
picnic picnic # II she he had a poodle like Fido to
What do you t!nk? WILDLY tells mo to-
take Fido to me rnodder. and pays = I.
case,,a whole. long. one,spctn odgsr 3
getting chesty wit de Income, and, as sne
feeds 1t proper, and don't coddle IT., rs
getting some manners and splrltt and ~
old lady has moro fun wit y dan DOE f',k. N
OF monkies. slat I 81
i was satisfied to gct out OF de proposl.
4 ton on dat lay, but what bodders me 1,s,aas
r. Duchess never got no roast nor nolhlNgt@
and has smile ike she Is stuSk on n sb.
has de parasol OF Miss Tannis's she's
longed- for. DO you spose dat French R1ll
had de wit and noye to feed de poodle X
to de pup on poipose? WhaR
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1903-09-13
Justify tho assertion that there was
'sometting doing In the valley below.

Justify tho assertion that there was
something doing" In the valley below.
4 A stated above, the Peaks has grown
TO be the designation Of the most abrupt
OF the three great mountains In Bedford!
tho Peaks proper, Flat Top and Apple Or
chard, The two last mentioned cut no
figure In soclcty. They are not grewsome3
enough. The trio Of mountains are about
twelve miles from the county seat Bed
ford City. and the magnificent road lead
ing TO them takes the traveller through
one OF the most beautiful and prosperous
sections OF Virginia. All along the route
one sees vast orchards, dappled with
crimson apples and II one Is not abnor-
mally pous he will steal some OF this
fruit. All is s4fa
Llverylsis very cheap in Bedford. Four
o. five dollars will procure an excellent
vehicle and a competent driver, whoEwill
explain everything and thank YOU not to
grumble over petty grievances along the
route One can ride to spot within
100 yards offthe summit, but after the
tying place Is reached, all hands-or rath-
err ali legs-nre called upon to do some
artistic walking. Mrs. Z. D. Gregory, Of
Bedford and her painstaking son have
written charming little book on the
Peaks, but the cloyen hoof OF the COM
1OSltOr, or. sTatncTF.HlS IIle ltdlldn Hulus
has destroyed one Of the neatest touches
Of the authors. In8,describing the climb
the Gregorys. attempted to say: THE
teams are here left behind, and The
ascent ever excelsior, a distance Of 100
yards, Is made on foot over a narrow.
path. etc. The printer substituted the
word EXCESSIVE" for excelsior" and
nothing but distance kept Mr.. Gregory
from going arr. him with a shotgun.
For my part think the typo had some
sense Of humor In him. for the ascent is
both excelsior and Excessive. 7 81
The good. but hefty, woman who ac-
companied me, during the interval con.
sumed in climbing the first 100 yards,
glored In the fact that she had dscov-
Ell ed a fine antl-fat trea tment, but before
she had proceeded much farther she was
wheeling and blowing and snorting and
putting like a locomotive. Ere she reached
the top she Was clamoring for the scalp
OF the man who runs the mountain.
sSlSEl sG+Ss
The Peaks OF Otter is owned by the
Miller estate. Of Baltimore, and as an
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1903-09-13

his life, too. When he seen how hard
pup was working, and dat noting was
doing except de puppy, poodle near barked
his head OFF laughing.
Take poodle back to Wildly" says
to Duchess, "and say noting about dat.
we is going to make a actor Of him.
I've got place for YOU In de show where
you'll only have to put on your swell
rags and stroll on in a naughty manner"
Well we'll. deres' heap of trouble in
dis life dat comes when we thinks we has
only to push button to get good ting
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1903-09-13

+ b DUO he SIS lis Ia good goi], and have no
Kick due me on her temper; but when
,ometins happens dat has no more
"a do Wit dan dc bull pup has to do wild
dc state OF de wedder. den I gets a speci-
men OF de finest brand Of French RAGING
s DAT de market affords.
r. don't know what was 1t dat she missed
connection Wit n parasol she expected 70
s cet from Miss Fannie, or what ell. but
ono day Duchess gets me in corner
and she says: "Cheems what is your posi-
ton in dis house?"a
SECOND man." says DIG anypouS
ring" 49, - he
sronr, for Miss Fannie g. Duchess says.
S'''"I rides after her" says I. because
vaa brought up 10 do 1t proper when
II was n kid, and Minister'S could take a
hitching strap to me,if ever took me M
ewes Off Miss Fannie when she was r1d-
ing. Dat job is special
HE has Jap valet of his own" says I.
..R,,t YOU order his boots" says OUCH
ess "You get him ready, II he's only
going somewheres for week encl." :,
"Dat's because de Jap orders ria,ns
boots for yachting; and II ne sets MN
ready for a trip. he never knows where
'..nose is poor excuses says Duchess.
IN. odder soivants would tink more
nroper Of you II you done only second
mans woik. ..,
S"i1l tink about dat" says when
AZ 7odder solvants pays me wages, W nal $
an YOUR mind, woman?" says It's
MT me Job dats bordering YOU sing
YOUR song, and dance your Dance ana ana
let mo see where you're at"
.Yo,l is de real director OF de solcus
and I have no part IN It" says Dnchess.
a." nS dot shows mo where her little bootees
was pinchlng on,o
toor soIcus-for de benefit Of yacht san.
ara 'orphans; what dere amt any OF
,nn, neared dan Scnndehoovia. where de
yacht sailors come from But dat MADE
4 ~ dfference dere had to be benefit
ond Yacht sailors orphans had q ro-
mantle sound as Willy Wildly SAID, SO
lat went; and our folks said de soicus
might be held on our lawn, cause we l'hu
4. most conyeniences for solving tea.
Dat nut It up to Mr.. Paul 10 be alrectoI,
ana he, being too strong to ~o'K hara'
nuts 1t next to me-, aua
~ Dere was a sweet comes over TO take
,haree OF de riding turns, and gets up
some comics for de laugh side ~ 90
ehnw. and takes charge OF dc WolKmell
setting up de tents and seats; ana looms
AVER de places where refreshments was
~ he set up; and gets de band, teaenss
A. clown how to do n comic fall. prhc-
t,oes ',,p a. fow tumbling tricks OF me own,
, sa our kiddie--Llttle Duke-to 40
rinr.master turn for Little Miss fFann'e'
ana almost had something to ao' y.
aoon as she heard dat dere was 20 pe q,
soicus Duchess was cro1sy TO pc pa't y
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1903-09-13

"a. Every lady In the town was there
bright and early,
Mrs, smithers declared right out that
she was Just that anxious to see the store
that she didn't take time to wash the
dishes. Mrs, Prosser announced that she
was In such hurry to get there before
the rush that she had forgot to put the
soup bone on the fire, Every other lady
told a similar hot-foot story.
After n careful scrutiny of the stock,
the DANES got together near the barrel
of dried apples to talk IT over
Mrs, stuhblns vowed that she had never
seen anything to equal i IN all her born
days, she proved by bunch Of SAM
ples which she held In her hand that
Jim Medders carried the very Identical
piece OF goods she had read about In the
Mrs, Hickman confessed that she had
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1903-09-13

states from tho lofty elevation While \,
others advance even more astonishing ''s--i
sertions This humble scribbler will ;teil-,
ture no statement on The subject = r. \
knows, however, that he would hesitate
long before he did anything wicked in A
Richmond while his wife was on top
tho Peaks. s5Rs VI u IN "a, i@Es5 Ell
This account Of the visit to the Bedford 4
Mountains is submitted with tremulOus \
dindence, and the writer slivers in his 3
boots lest some grim statlsticlan shalt 4
menaclngly stride forward and say that
the figures given above are wrong. Per-
3haps they are What's the good Of figgura Il
anyhow, IL folks can't get them wrong e
1T may be- too that some who Wrlto /
poetry and frequently calculate. Ism
that perfectly lovely VIII say that my
noble theme has been treated lrreverent>#
~, And unconventional this effort sursty1s
Isl n ", Ia n
II But believe mo, when my party reachsfA
ed that lofty pinnacle and / gazed. upon this
exquisite panorama before me, a some-
thing welled up in my bosom which vas
more enrolling. more uplifting and moro
spiritual than any two hour sermon
I have ever heard. In sooth fancy .
would yet be standing on that frightfuts
elevation and dreaming dreams 10 smortal8
ever dreanlt before, had not the Cons
mander-in-chief pulled at my cutaway
coattails and reminded me that 7 glba!dS
smashed bottle Of tomato cat sup II the.
pocket OF one OF my sartorial caudak
appendages. ssss@is5iiE5
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1903-09-13

WAS Just too ridiculous for anything; He
was going to marry one who had been
raised In a house With hot and cold rum
Ing water and gas meter In It,
By-em-by one came his way.
Mrs, Hickman was visited by her niece na
from Philadelphia Pennsylvania, Niece
was a classy little blonde with q figure
full OF infatuating infections anu u pro-
file that would stop headache
Tim was Invited up to 500 her the night
she arrived. lie read the, etiquette rules
in the back of his pocket dictionary,
bought a package Of Sen Sen and was on
the spot before the fire WAS 9u5 - ~ , mo
s rate he leaned over and whispered to
Himself to so in and get the decision N
n rush. ,,,.d ,Laoo
and lin to come to the center and sMsp
the hand Of acaqalntane,eshhip niece pull l
tha smartest Kind OF smart talk II went
right oyer Jlm's head. When she lowered
her guaSd Jim was too weak 70 taks ad-
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1903-09-13

Then he got into his Sunday suit and
went over to the drug store to hear Doc
Fletcher argue politics with old Judge
dent.
Before he went home for supper Jim
bought round of cigars,
Tho next day he rented the store on
the corner and put the carpenter to work.
Two weeks later he opened Depart
ment store The sign reads
JAMES MgDDERs,
Dealer In MI
Dry Goods, Groceries, Boots. Shoes, No-
lions. Hardware, Provisions
and Supplies,
Cash Paid For Ii *
II Butter, Eggs, Wool and Hides.
The opening OF Jim's. store created a
sensation. There was hardly. standing
room in 1t when the mill whistle blew for
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1903-09-13

walk right into Medders's and get it-lf
your feet happened to be the right size.
II you wanted can-opener, Jim could
reach right down into the showcase and
hand It to yor---ir he hadn't already sold
It, His stock was simply enormous. Why,
he even carried full line OF solid gold
plated jewelry and was agent for the
Bon Ton Tailoring Co., Of Chicago. 1lll-
nols. FAsh
some He subscribed for two magazines,
took the New, York Sunday payers wore
red vest apd carried cane, The young
him IN but Jim didn't wear any grass
off of their paths.
He had seen pictures OF city girls and
he came to tho conclusion that they Just
about came UP to his plans and speci-
ficati No girl ilyIIns N g city too
5ncio library could preside over the aft
END OF his table, No. Stree! Such a thing
as a squashport pullet winning him out
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1903-09-13

once upon a time in the busting c'ty q
squashport, which Is where the accom- :, :, =,
modations and freights sometimes quehen
their thirst. there lived q geezer ' NAMES
James Medders,
Jim was g selt-made man and the pr'ae
Of tile metropolis
After hiding his fact behind the ar'th-
metic and geography until he was 100
long for short pants, Jim declared all bets
Of and got Job as clerk In Hiram
Bender's general store,
He made good, And at the end Of his
third year with Renders he found hlm-
self six hundred and fifty ahead of the
game, so he handed in lthe conventional
thirty days notice, Mt
Wien Caleb iedges's son came In from
the farm to take his place, Jim put him
wise to the combination Of tho safe and
- $50 mark. and gave him the keys.
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1903-09-13

not seen all OF the prints, but she had
priced the sardlnes and some were ac-
tually as high as two bits box, Furth-
err than thnt she had seen with her own
eyes three different kinds Of cheese.
Mrs. Appleby lowed that Medders was
sure to take a heap of trade away from
Montgomery Ward g. Co., and Mrs. Phn-
kett calculated that Jim Medders was u
perfect John Wanamaker,
Deacon Eben Weatherby was so carried
away with the plows and cultiyators that
he Nm and asked Jim to come over and
e,t dinner Sunday after church at his
house.
no get right down to cases. Jim had
moved himself to be the merchant prince
Of souasl port. There was absolutely no
doubt about It.
IF YOU wanted y pair Of shoes YOU could
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1903-09-13

we has all laid out for ourselves, De
soicus comes off and was going like q
hurry-cal ambulance. Nottin to stop It..
De loidies and gents had done deir rid
ing turns, some college lads had done
some straight tumbling, ana 1t Was Nne
Mr. Paul had made good as n straight
ring master, and den he introduces me as
dc only r'slnal i'"wery song nnd oh aanee
Wit de old favrte. ION de Banks OF dc
Bronks. Where me Summer Coil Hangs
Out"
Next Mr.. Paul introduces little Miss
Fannie and her Wonderful Trick Bull
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1903-09-13

de show. Deres a whole bunch OF tricks
She can do. but none Of 'em is in de soicus
line. and had to pretend dat ! WASH I
on TO what she wanted II dat goil didn I
have to wok for living she be actress.
Sure! never did see woman who
liked to be in de lime light more dan
Duchess. And she's all right when she's
dere. for she ain't little bit shy as
good locker: but she belongs to de mod
dern school. and links dat to be good.
locker is all dere Is in de game, and
won't study no part. I've tried her IN de
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1903-09-13

He should be boined alive" Wildly
says. n ts
HE will be, ma am I says. just as
soon as we can light a fire, &.
S.And your cat-wife should be bolned
alive and sent to prison for dis murder"
says Wildly. ~ &...3 i.
NO need. i Ma M ] says. Duchess
has took arpound OF carbonic acid. and
i cut her throat; and I'm Just going to-
get me gun for her, says. Let me see
your beautiful dogs leg, Ma am. says.
Ills he much hoit?"H9$5
Never you mind poor Fido's leg" she
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1903-09-13

says; "xou go ana telephone for de
Well. Whlskers comes chasing. ana or,
act, dat lat was va Included in de dog turn and
me and Mr.. Paul soon had 40
show running again; ,r 6Tf ae ab out
de t,lrn dat was not down on de bill:
When WILDLY hears om she, was folst
near crosy WI rage but she s9, Is 70 20 f 1mnKa
can stand most any kind Of q game ex,
cept to be made q game Of de'rselyes, and
50 she pretended to take u as 9 Joke,
De show was winner. boodle-Wise, and
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1903-09-13
BY BILLY BURGUNDY.

,ylight, 1908, by Steve Floyd N

vantage OF the opening. Every time he
braced himself to speak his tongue ran
into blockade or he got choked on
something that wasn't Flo was outclassod
and he knew It, So he ducked, II
TWO months later no married Melinda
Crabtree, OF Squashport.
Mopal Every jewel has It's proper set-i
ting t-f,. 1T.
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1903-09-13

teeatrcals we has ev'ry winter In de
sovants' hall.
But dat dug no subway wit her: she
was bound to be in de solcus. and when
! couldn't see It, de way she found places
where ! was mile off from being, u
was q wonder.
OF course, man dat wants TO. can
beat woman wit hammer; put u
hammer isn't In de game, de easiest way
to do, II you've got to beat her Is NOT to,
So hustled to find n job In de so'cus
dat Duchess could hold down, ana sot
itlI had to, ,..,.
had a turn + was rehosing Little
Miss Fannie, and our kiddle and de pun
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1903-09-13
Offending Natur !.

There Is an excellent old lady, VIE
lives IN Germantown and Is q strong
advocate of the enforcement Of the hipoi
,lws But she Is very fond OF the goo1
things OF the table. and for this reason
She delights N doing her own markek 81
The other Monday morning found hersS
bright and elrly, selecting soma tinsS
pears from her marketman,
these pears were NOT picked sunday -: #
II don't know about that, said tile
man, NTH grin. lbut know they
growed sunday.'--P hiladelphla Ledger,
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1903-09-13

what dey calls a prob-a
hadn't done de poodle..
, It made me stand to der,
Fannie to have her tink
willing to stand for dat.
So. I just looks wise. 4
you Miss Fannie.' an6