The Bamberg herald. [volume] (Bamberg, S.C.) 1891-1972, 1903-08-13
BaQkrupted by Popularity,

BY EMMA M. WISE.

ready UeeN UlOuSul ~ IClll ny tuS
latter means; we may as we'll try the
former for change
F'The second day after Joe got set
tied in his little shop he went to a
downtown market and bought five
bushels of speckled apples and oranges
and seventeen pounds of stale candy.
He intended to sell all that truck at
regular prices. but in the afternoon
when he was out his wife noticed its
unsound condition and gave it away
to the children Of the neighborhood.
With the exception of few cases Of
cholera morbus, which the parents at
tributed to causes other than the gen
erosity of Joe's wife, the youngsters
pulled through without any serious
aches and pains, and from that day
Joe was solid with the old folks.
"a week later several of the men
whose pocketbooks had been spared
many recent raids for stray pennies on
account of the free gorging Of their
offspring met in the shop under Joe's
store and discussed plans for showing
Joe how much they thought of him.
They finally agreed upon way. The
next morning a committee of three
called and told Joe what they proposed
doing.
Gas an evidence Of our apprecia-
ton of you,' said the spokesman, we
have decided that all the boys born in
this vicinity during the next two years
shall he called Joseph Webster
"Joe fell over in heap against the
Swiss cheese. Good Lordr he said.
"Joe's way of taking their announce
ment did not exactly appeal to the
committee. You do not seem pleased
they said. "
"'Oh, yes, I am replied Joe. lam
overcome with emotion. appreciate
your appreciation very much
"And then. even though Joe knew
he was making q fool of himself, his
natural gratitude and generosity got
the best Of his common sense and he
made another rash promise. 1T is very
sweet of you to honor ME so,' he said.
OF course I will reciprocate. II will
give to the little Joseph Websters
christening present of 81 head
''The committee blessed Joe and went
away. The next day they began to
import kids. Never had Joe seen boys
come to town in such overwhelming
numbers. They arrived in shoals. Just
as soon as people got wind that the
stork was coming round they moved
into that neighborhood just to devil
Joe. But he stood all the imposition,
and good-naturedly gave up a two
dollar bill at each christening till some
people down on Amsterdam avenue be-
gan to ring in girls on him by calling
them Josepha. Then he thought it
time to kick.
"'No more of this namesake non
sense for me- he said. Il am going to-
put stop to it, 5f s 4
"'How? asked his wife. ;."''
"'Never you mind said Joe. I will
fix that all right
''In the afternoon. Joe called on a
lawyer named Parks. 4 want to
change my name said Joe.
parks disapproved, on principle, Of
bis clients changing their names.
Usually he tried to argue them out of
the notion. He tried to argue Joe
Webster out of it. ...
"'Why aren't you satisfied with your
name?' he said Webster Is great
name in history-a name to be proud
of. Best of all, it is easily remem-
bered, and nobody need ever lose an
opportunity to do you favor on ac-
count of being unable to recall your
name
"Webster doubled up his fist as If
he had half mind to knock Parks
down. It was a formidable fist and
the lawyer finched. Joe forced a
pacifcatory smile. Never mind he
said. You are in no danger. When
you learn the facts you will no longer
insist that the euphony and the un-
forgetability of the name Of Webster
are good things
"Then Joe gave Parks the facts.
Even though lawyer, Parks sympa-
thized. What do you want to call
yourself? he asked.
'Melancthon Gabrilowithzski,' said
Joe. 4 don't think they will get on to
that without a good deal Of trouble
"'No,' said Parks, they won't, but
I am afraid there are legal difficulties
in the way of your adopting new
name at present. When did your con-
tract to pay the two-dollar christening
bills go into effect' .-.. ....
"'Eighteen months ago. said Joe.
"Tt has still half year to run,
said Parks. You are under obligation
to pay the bills for that length Of
time. If you change your name and
try to shirk your responsibility on the
ground that your name is not Webster,
but Gabrilowitzski they can bring suit
against you on the ground Of taking
a new name while wound up in finan-
cial entanglements and can put you
in jail
every WE'LL said Joe, I will 60 to
jail. Not another cent of christening
money will pay. have already bees
mulcted for baptismal offerings to 123
small boys, and I would rather lie in
jail than set the rest of them up for
life
Joe got his name changed and paint.
ed a new sign on his windows and
awning. When he began to stand on
his rights the parents of the would-be
Joseph Websters went to law. They
proved. as Parks had prophesied, that
Joe had gained the name of Gabrilo-
witzski under false representations,
and he was sent to Jail. Fortunately,
his time is up and he is free again.