Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1903-09-30
a ghnptrr on Rsrts.

One of nv subscribers wants to
know what to do when afflicted with
rats. In coming to me for this in
formation he has shown the wisdom
of Solomon. No person of ordl-
nary discernment would guess 1T
but know more about rats than
ANYBODY else in the world. Now
I never had rats myself but | have
always thought the best thing to
do when thus afflicted is to kill
them. Of course some may prefer
to catch them and spank them as
the old lady did the rabbit that
ate her cabbage, but | think good
killing-off is more effective. There
are various methods Of killing rats.
They may be burned at the stake
or boiled in oil or electrocuted or
frozen with liquid air or mashed
with an ordinary club. The first
problem is of course to catch the
rat. Ordinarily this may be done
by placing mustard plaster over
his hole to draw him out and then
grabbing him with a pair of cast
iron mits.
Science has been turning it's at
tention to the rat of late and says
it has fieas which have microbes
which have bacteria which have
germs-with their vest pockets
full of contagion. Science has
accordingly offered reward to the
man who invents an effective rat
abolisher. One man says to stuff
his hole full of soap and cayenne
pepper. Thil would doubtless be
very annoying to the rat butt doubt
if it would completely discourage
him from living. Another man thinks
it would, be good scheme to shave
a few of them and paint them
with phosphorus and asafoetida and
turn them loose. He figures that
the glow of the PHOSPHORUS and
the stink of the asafoetida will
drive the other rats to suicide.
He is wrong. I tried this scheme
once and the rats started a freak
show and all the rats in town
came over to our cellar to see it.
The reward has been won by a
Frenchmar who proposes to in
oculate the rat with a patent
microbe and tnin. his ranks with
disease.
Now that the rat is about to pass
into the great unknown-unwept
and unsung-a few words concern
ing him will not be amiss for he
is one of the most interesting
animals that .ever rubbered from
the windows of the ark. The rat
was discovered by a man named
Adam about 1000 years ago. When
old man Noah and his boys made
their famous tour of the world
they had among their cargo Of
menagerie goods one pair of rats.
When that memorable spring
freshet known as the flood subsidized
the rats strolled over into western
China and went to housekeeping.
This accounts for the rat being
called a native of western China.
From these two came all the rats
in the world and as one pair be-
come the ancestors of thousand
in three years there are now in the
world OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES
5343621OOO rats beside what were
killed or died of old age. 1t is thus
seen that the rat is one of the
earth's Oldest and most fourishing
institutions. For forty centuries
he has lodged the boot jacks and
stovelifters of kingdoms and
principalities only to fall victim
to the walleyed scientist.
NY introduction to the rat oc-
Cured when I was a kid. had
long suspected that he was res
ponsible for the disappearance of
my winters stock of walnuts
into sundry holes under the cellar
walls but first met him face to
face while sleeping with my sainted
grandmother long since
gathered to her reward. That was
twenty years or more ago when |
wasn't SO large and ugly as am
today and grandmother used to
gather me up from the sitting
room sofa and tote me off upstairs
and tuck me away to bed. Then
she would don her snowy gown
and frilled nightcap and take two
little homeopathic pills from a vial