The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1903-12-16
From the First Ward.

From the First Ward
In writing up these little sketches
for the Record we have to follow about
the same lines as an artist in painting
pictures. The real point is in the pic
ture view given them. The people
want all beautiful sunset scenes
with crimson clouds and fad
ing shadows, and the dim outlines of
magnificent castles in the prospective.
or an occasional sunrise picture
will be acceptable with silver edges to
all the fleeey clouds, and green trees
and fields and fat cows coming home
to got MIXED at eight cents n quart.
Don't sketch humble relatives, nor
natural cruelty, nor the brHtalized
features of every day events. Avoid
the truth unless it happens to be a
beautiful one. If You sketch n war
picture, let it he n Sunday parade with
brass bands leading, and the officers
riding prancing studs that are Saily
caperisoned, and with red ribbon bows
tied in their tails and the camp chums
and graybacks brushed carefully from
each coat collar and the eyes of the
ndmiring crowd riyited uron them
like big rubber plugs stuck in sin
sle.tire bicycle tire. Don't sketch n
war scene with men grabbing each
other by the thront or ripping each
ether with n two handled sword
or the doctors at work saving of legs
and arms and fixing the bleeding VIC
tim for n pension later on, but sketch
the picture SO il will create II longing
n-evcry boys soul to become war
rior with tailor made clothes on his
back, and heart swelled MP with pa
triotism and pride, and poker chips ill
encourage their boys to 20 TO the
front aud kill somebody i'll the name
of glory, and come back home to be-
come the envy of every mother who's
family consists chiefly of girls md a
team of spawned old mules and three
or four dogs.
No, the old veterans did moi enlist
To get exempted from paying their
taxes. They fought bled and died
for the freedom OF mankind, aud if
the Supreme Court says pay up they
will never shirk their duty.
Once more the good old Christmas
times are near at hand, aud are you
prepared to make some heart glad by
your liberality. If 80 it would be well
TO take a stroll upon Union street and
witness the beautiful presents which
arc on display in the different store
windows 1t is not necessary to go
to the large cities when such hand
some articles can DO purchased right
here in town, and at prices which defy
competition in any of the large depart
ment stores in the city.
II was way back in the campaign of
80 when ! first made my political
speech from n rude platform erected
for thu purpose Mt Monnt Range. ]
was relating tho story of Jonah and
the whale, and making a parallel story
of the principles of my political party.
explaining how it whale like, was the
great fish provided To swallow the
wrong doer, and the runaway Jonah
and cast them back on the shore of
honest politics with both suspenders
down and their new suit Of shoddy
clothes about half digested. Then
branched of on To political issues
aud promised the working people
shorter hours of labor and fifty per
cent bett0r wages, and was see saving
up and down on my toes and chappiug
the air with both hands, wher mn old
farmer on n back seat got up and put
hand behind each big ear to catch
the sound and funnel il into his head
and asked i'll cracked voice, Odd |
understand you 70 say TINT Jonah
swallowed whale % Well, this was
n PAGER, and ] stopped short to catch
my breath and looked the honest old
farmer in the face, but my gall came
TO my rescue, and turning to the mud
fence, asked, Did say Jonah swal-
lowed n whale If ! did I'll stick to
it, for by the great ham strings Of the
hish-bounding kangaroo, ] belong TO
political party that will stick to her
promises if it requires miracle every
day in the week and flood Of beer on
Sunday.
| have about made up my mind that
ii will pay to watch the man who os-
tensibly has no small vices but may
have one big one that will cast all the
little ones he lacks for into the back
ground.
There seems to be certain amount
of cussedness in the nature Of the hui
man race, which must work out some
way. The man who absorbs g'ass
OF beer, who would not permit his lips
to be polluted by filthy tobacco, who
wonld not allow himself to drop one
little swear word under even the
greatest provocstion, and who never
looses an opportunity to inveigh loud
~ against these terrible sins, may DO
Just the person who makes the life of
his wife and children 80 unbearable
that there is never happiness in his
home unless he is away from it.
have seen sanctimonious scoun-
drals do things to the poor which the
average man with small vices, would
never with all his imperfections, dream
of doing, and 80 very likely, has
every reader Of this item. No man is
perfect, and no person can really af-
ford to throw the first stone. Never
theless, keep y0nr ego on the man
who boasts Of his superlatiye good