Arizona republican., 1903-03-02
By P. F. DUNNE.

''What ar-re we goin' to do about tn coons?" asked MT. Dooley.
 What ought we to do about them o. said MT. Hennessy.
 We've got to do something,'' said Mr. Dooley. Something's got to be done. Whin I was young man I ray mimber hearin' people talk iv boostin' tn naygur up firm his lowly place as an unforchnit slave an humorist an mak- in him as good as anybody an bet ther thin a German be givin' him q vote. l didn't believe it because I was a dimmyccat an didn't believe amy thing but Stephen A. Douglas. But they used to say it jus tn same an if ye didn't say it, too. it was down to Camp Douglas with ye be tn back iv tn neck as pris'ner iv war. Tn 'dimmycrats knew that a naygur with a vote wud- dent be William Shakespeare. IT wudden't take amy iv tn dusk out iv his cheeks to sind him down to tn liv'ry stable an lave him stick an inn peeryal ballot that he cudden't r-read into box with a false bottom. Can tn camel change his hump? as Hogan wud say. A naygur with a vote is a naygur with a vote. an that's all he is. Tn dimmycrats knew that forty years ago. Histhry always V indicates tn dimmycrats but niver in their life time. They see tn thruth first. but tn throuble is that nawthin' is iver off cially thrue till a raypublican sees 1t.
 air1'r o== thin he was Nobody is: But near!y ivrybody ixpicted afther tn war that his locks wud become goolden at wanst an that he wud soon get Roman nose. But here he is today lookin' jus as he did forty year ago. He ain't go; amy more money, he ain't amy lighter Tn complexion an I sometimes doubt whether he's amy happyer thin he was whin they was takin' his darlin Nelly Grey away firm him an he'd niver see her more till they met in tn Jim Crow siction iv Hiven. Down in tn merry chivalrous Southland no basket picnic is complete onless a naygur is depindin' firm tn shrubbery. Up here in this free North iv ours where tn wurruds fv Windell Phillips is still soundin' in tn air We don't see amy naygurs marvin into cur ladin' families. We welcome him as our akel in all ray spicts but none iv our consarvitIve prize fighters will put on tn gloves with him.
 So l say something's got to be done f'r him. but what it is I dinnaw. Tiddy Rosenfelt's idee is to glad hand him up to a higher plane. All we've got to do to make him tn akel iv his white brother is to give him a job an have him up to tn White House fir dinner Preparations is bein' made fir tn din- ner to tn Royal Knights iv tn Ordher iv Oryental Splendher iv PazaZas whose prisidint is tn Hon'rable Egregious Class iv Allybama- A wagon load " bullets an hams was delivered ylster- dah at tn White House. Tn dinner will be followed be musical at which tn prisidint an SiEitor Hanna will sing a duet. Both statesmen will black up in honor iv tn comp'ny.' Tn prisidin. has appinted Hon'rable Lucullus Buff fins, tn well-known naygur rather, 10 be marshal at Pianola, Miss. Frinds iv tn family ar-re kindly rayquisted to omit flowers 'Immejately on rayceiv- in his commission as postmasther iv Ozaloo, Louisiyany, tn Hon 'rab1e Ma polyon Bliggs, tn cillybrated naygur aggytater, took tn night thrain to tn North. In spite iv tn lateness iv tn hour a large number iv Misther BIiggs' fellow citizens escorted him to tn thrain. They wud not permit him to walk. but insisted on carryin' him on 2 two-be-four restin' on their shoulders. Misther Bliggs expicts to spind some time in tn North when he will consult prominent surgeon an have tn feathers exthracted.'
 But tn throuble with this here plan is that tn higher ye boost tn naygur be aSkin' him up to tn White House tn farther he has to fall whin he gets about two blocks south iv tn White House. Wan iv our dusky fellow citi- Zens comes out firm a meal with tn prisidint an cake walks to car. He is not puffed up with tn rayciption. Not at all. Tn av'rage chest measuremint iv colOred gintleman who has had three or four fish balls with tn prisi- dint is rarely over wan hundhred ar eighty inches. So he nodestly sthrut@ over to car. takes a seat, puts his fee; in tn lap iv tn lady acrost firm him an says in diferinchal yell to Con- fidrate colonel nex' to him: White pusson, give this here frind iv tn prisi- dint a light firm ye'er see-gar.' An whin he comes to his leg is on fire.
 Me frinds down South don't believe in this way iv ilivatin tn coon. They have ways iv their own. They think ! naygur ought to be improved slowly Tn slower tn betther. | was r-readin a speech be wan iv thim tn other day He was consarvitive on tn question Like all southern men he admitted thai something was to be said on both sides He did not boast iv his siction iv tn counthry. A thrue Southerner nivei does. It wud ill become him to suggis1 that tn South is annything more thir tn fairest spot on Gawds fOotstool. in Ina bited be tn bravest men. tn loveii- est an mos varchous women, tn mos toothsone an encouragin booze an tn fastest ponies in tn wurruld. La others tell iv tn beauties iv tn South Ye will not dhraw tn tale firm in lip. iv southern man. Aven in his cup' he scorns to give more thin three cheer; minyit fir tn gloryous state iv Mis- sissippi. A Massachusetts, man will nj