Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1903-09-15
FOR THE NEWLY MARRIED.
REFLECTIONS AND SUGGESTIONS
THAT WILL NOT COME
1NllSS.


of absolute perfection. In a sudden
excess of happiness he assumes all the
virtues and graces there are and thus
establishes a purely romantic relation
to Heaven. He is a passing prodigy
of himself, a walking beatituGe of joy
and satisfaction In short, a person
to be profoundly distrusted, not be-
cause he is insincere or dishonest, but
because he is the lipeai descendant of
mortal man, not OF gods, and is there
fore the inevitable heir of a thousand
shortcomings. And every bride should
be on her guard against accepting this
edition de luxe of human frailties as
}scriptural. He is simply passing
through a Song of Solomon phase, and
may develop into a jeremiah or be-
come the author of her matrimonial
Ecclesiastes before she has done with
him. But the shrewdest deception
ever practiced is self-deception; and,
as a rule, the bridegroom is so entirely
self-deceived as to be absolutely con-
vincing to the bride, who is herself in
a frame of heavenly minded credulity,
so that his very confessions of faults
seem to her the noble prevarications
of an over-conscientious nature. But
really this is his instructive masculine
way of hoodwinking her. For there is
no surer way of winning woman's
confidence than for man to confess
himself unworthy of it. His humility
magnifies all his virtues and at the
same time challenges her credulous
generosity to match them with the
doves wings of her maternal tender
ness and compassion. 1t is a charac-
teristic and beautiful way she has Of
proving her own superiority. For ii it
is unseemly that she should be the
honest and humbly confessed sinner
that it is his nature to be, it is her
peculiar privilege to show forth the
altogether lovely feminine grace of
forgiveness.
But it is one thing to indicate her
pretty moral distinction by absolving
new and interesting bridegroom of
his bachelor sins, and quite another to
bear with the faults of tried and
proved husband. For, once he has
worn out the honeymoon hexameter
of life, no man is more of the earth
earthly, both in his faults and virtues,
than the husband. And he can come
nearer practicing the commonplace
from years end to years end than any
other creature living. He has long
passed the sentimentality of confess
ing his own frailties, but his wife has
no difficulty in detecting them for her
self. That is the pity of it. Having
settled upon the idealism and spiritu-
atty of love, there is a sort of gross
ness from her point of view in the
way he gives up his pretensions to
godlikeness. Also, feeling that orig
inally she constituted large part of
the poetry in the situation, she resents
the silence of his gallant chorus to
her charms. In truth it would be cas-
Ter to forgive him sin than this apos-
tacy from the altar place of love. He
began with the advantage of admit
ting his own imperfections and pro-
claiming her PROJECTIONS, so that she
was indiscreetly led to assume the
guardian angel pedestal. only to find
that he did not feel the need of a
guardian angel often enough to give
her much dignity in the office.
Meanwhile the bridegroom has
troubles of bis own. Being just mas
culine and nothing more, he lacks the
intuition and Imagination to compre-
bend the eccentricities of the female
character. He finds difficulty in ac-
cepting the paradox that woman is
more intelligent than rational. There
is an eternal chasm between her and
her mind which even she cannot span.
An astute logician often on abstract
subjects, she cannot focus her mind
analytically upon the riddle of her
own nature And so when it comes to
the difficulties of her personal rela-
ton with him, what she can be made
to think has nothing to do with the
matter, but what she feels has every
thing to do with it! For a woman S
feelings are always infallible, SO far
as she is concerned.
The truth is, when we consider the
temperamental differences with which
married people begin, the increasing
strength and beauty of the bond as
they grow older is altogether admir-
able. And in view of this fact, newly
married people may take courage and
understand that their perplexities with
one another are not so tragic as they
seem
The solution Of the whole matter,
so far as it can be stated in general
terms, is for the wife to abstain as
much as possible from letting her hus-
band know that she has discovered
his real imperfections, not the pecca-
dilloes he nobly confessed to but
those perversities of personality which
make it so difficult for her to manage
him-since nothing so tempts man
to sulk back to the brute level as for
his wife to intimate that she suspects
his disposition in that direction. On
the other hand, the best any husband
can do is to interpret his wife accord.
ing to the symptoms she shows with
out asking for an explanation that
she is incapable of giving. Indeed,
his most convenient defense. If he only
knew it, is to confess the truth fire.
quently that he does not understand
her. When he does thats she is bound
to forgive him, not because he thus
casts the responsibility of mystery
upon her shoulders but she is com
plimented with the implication that so
world-wise a creature as man fails to
fathom the depths of her nature and
meaning. Few women catch the
subtle accusation that they really lack
definition.
A careful consideration of the philo-
sephical principles herein set forth as
a contribution to the psychology of
l.