River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1903-06-25
HACKALIAH
BASCOM'S LUCK
khNHY UNCLE DAVID BECKEN-
W DARTER' brother-in-law,

hNHY UNCLE DAVID BEcKEN-
W DARTER' S brother-in-law,
Hackaliah Bascom, was the unluckiest
man. ] s'pose, that ever lived, said the
man who persisted that he is entitled
TO be believed when he says he lives
over toward Pochuck, as he leaned
against the wall facing the Rowland
house cash register. ''Then, again,
you might say he was the luckiest man
that ever lived. There are two sides
TO every question, ard it's a poor rule
that won't work both ways"
The manipulation of the cash regis
ter was compounding cocktail for a
stranger who. came in, and said he had
been all night at Goshen. The stranger
quaffed his tipple, and went out.
"A cocktail" said the man from
over toward POchuck, twas something
that my Uncle David Beckendarter's
brother-in-law, Hackaliah Bascom,
never would drink.
"'Give me mine straight he used to
say, and then if ] fall by the way,
amt goin' to git mad. and abuse the
bartender, and lay it to too much
sugar. a squirt more bitters than there
ought a-been, or the lemon that was
squeezed in it, he used to say.
"Hackaliah was philosopher, but
think he carried his philosophy little
too far as to the matter of what he
took to drink. Now, ] amt particular
whether mine is a cocktail or a dead
straight"
I-h11nly TNa1CpH
The manipulation of the cash register
was busy fixing his necktie at the mir
ror among the glassware. No one re-
marked anything. The Pochuck cit
izen sighed, sat down, cracked couple
Of fingers on both hands, and said:
Eyes, Hackaliah Bascom was the
Iuckiest and the unluckiest man that
ever lived. He was always havin' mar
row escapes until a year ago He
hadn't Il whole bone in his body when
he died-for Hackaliah is dead, and
I'm feelin' mighty bad about it-and
as to sears, he'd have made good twin
brother to the tattooed man in the side
show.
"As soon as Hackaliah Bascom went
anywhere near a railroad an ingine
would blow up and give him a clip, or
he'd git run over, or his horse would
git scared and run away, and break
a leg or somethfn' for him.
"Once he was ridin' on an express
train, goin' up the mountain, over
in Pennsylvania, near where he lived.
The train hadn't gone far before Hack
allah got it into his head that he'd go
back i'm the hind car. He walked ont
of the door. and square off the plat
form He was in the hind car all the
time. and didn't know it.
HE tumbled around on the track in
the wake of the train for about quar-
ter of Il mile, and was cut and slashed
and scraped in a way that would have
filed peddler of arnica plaster with
Joy. Hackaliah picked himself up by
and by. and started on his way afoot.
HE had walked pretty near all the
way to his station, when along came
the emigrant train, going his way.
The cOwcatcher of the ingine lifted,
Hackalah up and pitched him against
the bank as if he'd been shot out of
4O-pounder. The ingine didn't seem
TO mind the shock bit, but went right
on as if nothin' had happened.
THE emigrant trains in them DAYS
was more than half mile long Hack
allah Bascom had plenty o. time to
consider what was best for him to do.
He felt somethin' like a piece o meat
might feel after it had passed through
a sassage machine.
"'There's one thing certain saws
Hackaliah; L amt going to lay here all
night, and I'm bIistered if / feel much
like walkin' any further. / guess I'll
ride the rest o. the way on the emf
grant, says he.
$50 he lacked himself up till he got
on his feet. The train was goin' 90
mile an hour. When the hind car
came along. Hackaliah Bascom made
grab for it. He ketched it and got on,
jest as sure assure as you're drawin'
beer for tibet Teller, who is seemin' " as
dry as if he'd been tall<in' for the last
IS minutes, and nobody hadn't said
nothin'."
The customer who came in for the
beer got it and went out again. The
manipulation of the cash register whis-
tied: Pm Jonah Man." with far
away look in his eyes. The man from
toward Pochuck cracked some more
fingers and resumed.
''Hackaliah ketched that hind car"
Eaid he, and got on to the train as
slick as straddlin' sawbuck. for
git how many stitches the doctor took