Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1903-10-24
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Chapter on Fame.
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| did intend to cOncoct an article
this week that would be SO humor-
ously humorous that the hired man
would have to hold your old fat sides
while you laughed. But unfortu-
nately I noticed the statement that
the number of insane in this state
has increased by five hundred
during the years I have been
here and I thought maybe the
boisterous hilarity of these ar
ticles was too much for the deli
cate mechanism of the human
brain. I resolved therefore to
speak to you seriously on the sub
ject of fame. I have been reading up
and I find that modern fame is like
a bustle-largely matter of news
papers. Of course there is genuine
fame just as there are genuine
bustles. Down in Texas there is
a man who is truly famous. He
can spit tobacco juice fourteen feet
into the eye of pig. There. are
few who can do this yet it is said
the man is very modest, and un-
assuming. If his fame rested on
newspaper putting instead Of true
genius he would doubtless. part
his hair in the middle. and wear
his Sunday suit every day.
If you tie a bundle of excelsior
shavings a few feet in front of a
hungry horses nose and put green
goggles on his eyes he will
imagine he sees a bunch of grass
and will make a fool Of himself
trying to get it. This beautiful
thought was suggested to my mind
several years ago by the efforts
of the late Admiral Sampson to
become famous but this is the first
nance I have had to spring it.
You will please excuse the traces
of mold and moss and gray whiskers.
In bible times members of the
Sampson family yanked a jawbone
from a convenient ass and slew
forty acres of Amorites before
breakfast and got their names in
the Sodom and Gomorrah Clipper
and were famous Modern mem
bers of the Sampson family go off
about ten miles and sit down on
the bosom of the ocean with waxed
mustache and bifurcated beard
till someone else kills the Amorites
and then they come around and
make it appear that they are the
ass that furnished the jawbone and
should have all the glory. Many
a night have shed tears Of regret
till the chinch bugs had to put
on their bathing suits just because
I neglected to enter the army and
end the war before the battle Of
Santiago occurred. Was there
ever another war that created
so much squabblings They are
fighting over the glory and spoils
and, scandals of it even yet. Every.
body who had anything to do with
it made monkey of himself. Such
is modern fame.
-t<4T ~
At sundry times in our history
sentimentalists have discussed the
idea of having a national place
of burial like England's West
minister Abbey wherein our de-
parted great might find suitable
resting place for their glorious
bones. I believe it is fortunate
that such an institution never
materialized. Under our form of
government it would soon. get in
to politics-along with everything
else and Carrie Nations hatchet-
and each alternating party in
power would heave out the corpses
not of it's political faith and fill
their graves with the bones of
those whose friends were loyal
partisans. This would occasion
more or less inconvenience and
perhaps even grief to the friends
of the deceased. In the hall Of
fame recently dedicated at New
York we have however adopted to