Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1903-04-30
QUEER MR.. BINDERS
[Original.l

you wear
Glad you like it." said Binders,
| lighting up. 81 don't value it very
highly myself"
| What II you take for it,"
"Take for it? Why, what could it
| benefit any one but meg"
THAT isn't the question. You say
buy it,
when would you want it?"
Buyer thirty-which, being inter
preted, means any time within thirty
days"
What II you give?"
"a hundred dollars.'
by Jove, that's good sum-" And
Binders began to think what he could
do with hundred dollars.
ooh, see your gamer he said pres
emily. you'll call for it by sections.
That would leave me in beautiful
fix, wouldn't it?'
"l'll call for it all at once"
After rummaging his brain to find
catch somewhere Binders gave me
bill of sale for his beard-to be called
for anywhere within thirty days or
forfeit double the price
Now there was a reason for all this
Which Binders did not understand He
was the wealthiest bachelor in the
town as we'll as the stingiest. One day
number of ladies came to me and
asked me If | could suggest a plan by
which they could get donation out of
him for benevolent enterprise l told
them would think it over
Binders was a pushing fellow not
only i'll business, but socially He was
self made man, which was to his
credit but he didn't know what tile
word modesty meant. His assurance
In making his way into society" was
only equaled by his embarrassment
whenever he Numbered into a breach
OF etiquette. He was in constant ter
ror lest he should appear in some I'M
fortunate position.
The ladies were getting up ball for
the benefit of their charity and had ap-
pointed me one of the floor managers.
| wrote requesting that my name be
dropped and Binders put on in it's
stead. This was done, and Binders
was SO delighted that he at once sent
the ladies a check for $40.
You are very bright" said the pres
ident of the society to me. "It is a
wonder that we didn't think of that
ourselves
Possibly Mr.. Binders donation may
be far more worthy of his social ele-
vation," l replied, than niggardly
$40. Let us wait"
On the night of the ball Binders was
on hand respondent in evening dress,
wearing the lowest cut white waist
coat, straw colored gloves and a pale
green necktie that some wag had told
him was the very latest thing for balls.
No Indian chief decorated with stove
pipe hat and soldier coat had ever
borne himself more proudly. l watch
ed him till his self satisfaction had
reached its height; then, putting on
my hat and coat, l went out. Ten min
utes later an attendant handed him
note from me written from a neigh
boring barber shop demanding his
beard.
There was a look of extreme anxiety
on his face as he came in; but, at
tempting to master it, he came up to
me with laugh and slapping me ia
miliarly on the back, said confidently:
Its very cute of you, old fellow, aw-
fully cute. OF course you don't want
your property now You want bottle
of champagne, and you shall have it,
besides good supper after the ball.
And now l must hurry back. The
president has done me the honor to say
she can't get on without me-"
1T won't take long. Sit down in the
chair"
You really don't mean that you are
in earnest? Think how l would look
going back clean shaved"
you don't need to lose your beard.
There is the forfeit, you know"
Good gracious man, the forfeit is
5000"
1T only rests with you, Binders" 1
said resolutely, ito give me your beard
or pay the forfeit"
He looked into my eye and saw that
l was not to be cajoled or browbeaten
or In any way deprived Of my advan-
tage. The alternative flashed through
his mind, and his love Of money for a
time prevailed. He determined to re-
main away from the ball for the rest
OF the evening.
"All right" l said. What excuse
will you give?"
Suddenly taken ILL.,"
l smiled
II suppose you'll knock down that
story and"-
THE whole thing will be all over the
ballroom in ten minutes"
He turned pale.
What III you take to settle?" he
asked.
"Will Binders, l don't want your
beard or your money. Write check
payable to the president Of the society
for $500, and I'll call it square. You can
then finish the evening in a position
for which you are so we'll fitted with
out so sudden a transition, and your
II