Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1903-04-01


Icy glare)-"I don't leave that to
the houscmnid."- Chicago Tribune.
Lawyer-"Have you ever seen the
prisoner at the bar?' Witness-"NO,
sir; but have seen him many times
when strongly suspected lie had been
ut it"-Philadelphla Evening Bulletin.
Mrs. Watts-Trumps-Oh yes, we
had Il delightful time. We played
cards the whole evening. Mr.. Watts
Trumps- Nonsense. Lucy; we only
played between the anecdotes.-Tit-s
Bits.
Lady Caller Ito old family servant)-
Well, Bridget. did Master Arthur shoot
any tigers in India? Bridget-of
coorse lie did Shurc We have the
horns of the craychurs hung in the
hall!-Punch.
g.-She-"How's the motor
car getting on. Sir Charles:" He
well. fact is. I've seen very little OF
it. You see. I've only had 1t three
months, and when 1t isn't In the hospi-
tai am."-Puncb.
"If you kiss me again, sir, l shall cali
my mother!" whats the use Of that!"
said Chollie l'reshe; "you know I'd
prefer to kiss you. and. besides, your
father might object TO my kissing the
old Baltimore Herald.
A Vision of iss.-Rastns-"Ah
dreamed oh hcaben las night" Zeke
Am dat so? An what did 1t look
like" Rastus-"A mcnstus big chick
en- roosc in de middle OBJ n watermll-
lion patch!'-Snn Francisco Bulletin.
Subbubs-We'vc got a new girl at
our house. BacklotZ-Hah! It's easy
enough to get new girl, but cnn you
keep her? Subbubs-The doctor thinks
so. He declares she weighs nine
pounds at Philadelphia Press.
Blessed sleep: "Supposing you
woke up some day and found yourself
millionaire what'd you do!" go
right to sleep again, so that tile knock
ing of the tax assessors OH the door
wouldn't annoy me!"-Baltiinorc Her.
aid
Satisfied Quitc.-Nervous Old Lady
Il hope your horse is quiet. cahman.
What's she laying back her ears like
that for-look" Cabby (complncently)
oh. that's only her feminine curiosi-
ty, mum. She likes to lear where she's
a-goin' to."-Tit-Rits.
Why John Was Absent. The follow.
ing brief but explicit telegram was.
sent from Il nearby State to Georgia
recently: Reason John didn't git
home fer Christmas wuz-he stopped
| in a hotel fer the first time in his life.
am bowed out the gas."-Atlanta Con.
stitution.
Talent What's this? Lost. =
house dog; IL liberal reward will be
| paid for his return" Why. man,
there's your dog out in the yard this
| moment. Gilfore-Yes: sonebody'll
come along and steal him as soon az
that advertisement gets about. Bos.
ton Transcript.
Scribbler = 'Confound it, Maria!
didn't tell you not TO let the baby
touch anything on my desk! His
Wife-"Well, you know l can't watch
her all the time. Has she done any
mischiefI" Scribller--"I should say
she has! Shes written historical
novel."--Judge.
Public spirit rewarded: Il see Sben.
son is assessed twice as much on his
personal property rs lie was last year.
Yes; the assessor found out he was
| In, I,lpnly 1,ot
paid anything for having the street
sprinkled last summer. and we socked
1t to him."-Chicago Tribune.
IL see it's become so windy on the
corner where the Flatiron Building
has been erected in New York thai
sometimes people are blown OF thell
feet" How humilatinS 1t must b,
for New Yorker to be carried OF Iii.
feet by anything that doesn't com,
from Europe Chicago Record Her
aid.
Cant | sell you an encyclopaedia
asked the affablc agent of the short
haired woman who meets him Mt tn,
door, IL believe not" she answers
slowly closing the door; Il believe not
am president of our culture club. ant
have heard all there is in all the en-
cyclopedias several times over. :
, Judge.
, Mrs. Nextdoor--"Your daughter LA,
improved wonderfully in her plan,
playing" Mrs. Homer-"I'm glad t,
, hear you say soft you are really sin
cerc." Mrs. Nextdoor-"Why, what d,
you mean!" Mrs. Homer-"Wcll, 70,
see, we didn't know whether she wa
improving, or whether we were mere
~ getting used to it."-Chicago Dali!
News.
|
. Browning by monograph.
Robert Browniuy's words and tOne