davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1903-09-20

n Some philanthropist With heart as
Big as a jackson watermelon were to
Establish a hospital for the cure of chronic
q poverty he would be doing q noble work.
which would be profoundly appreciated
b. myself my family and q hereditary
host OF INDECENT friends and poor rela-
tons. Indeed, I may 80 SO far AZ to say
that would take the best cot In the IN
sttution and would 6cheerfully allow the
experts to hold clinics on me. For verify.
Il am full OF the germs Of this aWiui
diseas Sc. There are times, alas, when tue
bacllll OF Ifnpccuniosity fairly eat me up!
Especially Biting and Gvoraclous do they
geem on the days when am thrown ~
contact with prosperous folks, thousill ny
d matter Of fact thoBe on EASY Str street ~, A,e
wonderfully timorous about the ma ma la ay
which harnesses me. they dlslni ecL5 tl'e'.'-
selves Thoroughly against it-that is 10
suv tbev fight shy OF the disease by
keeping at n distance from those afflicted
with It. And, after all, It Is best sthnt
they should. Nothing makes the indi-
Rence microbes SO snnppsh SO lBorous,
. "a tena ciolis 20 unbearable and 30 gait
ing MS the irritation caused by those other
title fiends known as envy anu cGVetou's'-t
ness Tho only time we folk s--------th nc gam gang
with the thin sf0macneu ~ Pu iI .ss'I
proach anything like a s.ircease from ON our
Corrosive sorrows IS when we stand In
tile presence OF those who are Just u little
@hi, more germ-gnawed than We arc
Misery loves company---especially com
pany a wee bit more wretched than Itself g
= & OFTEN when building air-castles-the
chcn pest and most delightful OF al amusc-
mer,ts within the reach OF those afflicted
with chronic poverty have pictured 70
myself the kind Of hospital which should
bc built for the treatment Of hejdisease.5
j have Imagined some beautiful structure
IN, ming wlth wealth and reeking with an
absence OF that monetary rcstrpint " men.
with the long-sufferins, grows 70 DC
second nature. Tho place hayefiE 1mlnd
III a sort Of Kecp-thc-Change esta Dish
rncnt where nIckcls. ten-cent p'ecef
quarters, and even half dollars. are IN ~
known sweet asylum where one lois
and dreams and dlcs until ne io orr tst!
Row to count. Or. rather. should say
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1903-09-20

I am forced to admit that we chronic
poor folks are ali incorrigiblej lot, who
love to gamble on8o our future Bexneota--S
lions and to drift down s the stream II off,
time with naught to buoyiSus Up sa veS
those cork Jackets of hope--al ways hope
Moreover. we are forever and cternallyss
soothed by the reflection that. once dead I
we don't stay dead any longer than tho
rich folks. * 4 VI !,
Postscript to the indulgent reader. Tho
foregoing was read to the Commanded
fn.Chief by this writer with a deep CLAW
OF pride. He thought he had picked out i
something both soothing and or:glnal on
his typewriter when he produced lt,E but
the petticoated optimist merely gave q 4
grunt OF scorn when she heard the nrti-A
Fcle you have been stealing from Oh I
DR.. Sam Johnson's 'Rasselas, \ IS = was her
sole comment. And bless my soul, II q be-
slleve l have But, after all,3ithe charge
of plagiarism comes In most happily
johnson wrote his "Rassela ut the aye &
I OF fifty. when his whole system was satu-S
rated with poverty germs. And, wha y iss
more he wrote 1t In the evenings lone
week to pay the costs of his mothers
funeral. But you couldn't have golteilIs
old man Sam into poverty cure shospita X
He preferred to root for hlmself His
hoping apparatus worked overtime, andy
In his darkest hour was born one of tho
grandest works OF literature. Poverty
germs are nothing II not producers ~
Ideas, Nv ai 335,i Sf$&
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1903-09-20

Y wei, We had de time OF his lie geltAns
t,tIa rnke-dat,s my and Duchess KID
dia-off for school When II comes tinle
1rs Duchess 10 give de kid few parting
words l said nothing, but Just he'd me
pea CO and Listened. 8s All
M Mon mlgnon. she says. - give you
three dozen pocket nandkerchiets ana { I
only asks dat weddcr you has your ies,
runs 81, not she says. Wedder 9ou
Fl n,.aScs ffrcns orr encmi es ; wedder you is
po1n5 or bad In odder ways; Wcdoer5 you
9 loeses or Keeps your spending mole'
8weuder9 you makes frens VII ue Ihatto ~
as i has told you TO; Weduer you sol l
tines forgets, or always remembers you.
ms; wedder It is clear or CLOUDY; sun
x uuyl or week day: II you Is weil o. ~;
tasks hut dis one Du ,,cina . sa9 ?:
dis one solemn duty before al oddcrs, ana
ABOVE all odder tIss. she says. anu uat
y IS dat YOU never;is wttsout clean. fresh
yourcsef and tells a lie. or Is impudent
10 odder boys or don't have your FRENCH
perfect. you can be forgiven by heaven.
I but mon enfant. renven would not ana
you was found dead or wounned 4Wltoul u
clean, fresh hanky In your pocket.
&t4..Surc, mama. says de. Kid .who. some;
times talks straight English like his dat
sapat is right cheri,' says Duchess.
h .Dere Is many signs OF being gentle
nan, and OATS what we're going to make
YOU; hut all signs fail on a man who has
mot fresh. clean hanky on him. Odder-
wise man may he In rags, and stained
wit, travel and covered wit--W. lowered
Wit" 49, III
s '.,Nft hay seed = says I, willing to oblige
but Duchess gives me de troubled eye,
ind goes on, He may be covered wit
de, soil OF innocent gains and play, But
when 1t cones to his hanky-Well. rcmem-
Der de wolos of your modder!8
7 Duchess always packs two kinds n OF
wines herself; ono for show, and one
for blow. Now she takes out de one
II for show, and dabs her eyes, like she was
overcome wit commotion, and know
from dat she had passed de deal to me. So
i says, "Kiddie," says 1,e"what your ma
says to you is on de dead level, and II I
aver hears Of you wt a WIPE dat ism
IN to de standard I'll show you a. new
use for hitching strap beside to hitch"
eyes daddy, says Kiddie. who was
sitting up and paying AL Klnds OF atten-
I'll has only a few woids of advice for
10 saw off on you. meself, and dey, Il
woIds about de end of dc game dat Il didn't
& 10 to no pay academy to loin about !, IN
de To- st place, me little man, don't so
looking for trouble It's funny ting
about trouble, dat dough de world seems
10 be filled wit It., still deere sn SO much,
dat 1t is found witout looking for It.
mostly, You'll hear wise bazoonusess pass
II along dat dere 3is SO much trouble IN
de woild do reason You Is not to look
for It Is. dat you'll get all you can take
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1903-09-20
BY E. w. TOWNSEND,
1HINdNlIE FADDEN ON EDUCATION OF THE YOUNG. =.
Copyright, 1908,
by r. Fl. RUSSEIiL,.

on Mr.. Paul l''and you will "a he NJ pre- "A
pared for any seat Of learning dat isei
anybody Wort knowing to sit SinH5 ii. R!ss
your prep, school prepare not EwasteH
de SreseptiYe years of your life loading
dp wit useless tings dat has noting stpS
do wit any kind Of ball. When deamu-8
scles is easily trained, dat Is de time for;
4 to get In line wit does tings dat Will \
reflect honor and glory on your almer-S
moter! Play ball !!"55t A
When Mr.. Paul got done l1idde was so d
excited dat lie found de coachman's KID.
and made him pitch for him. and before
he was struck out he'd broke eve. VIII
window in de mort side Of de stable.
Z Mr.. Paul told me to go wit him WlenH5
7 he took kddle to de school. We rides
UP from de station. de little ones trunk
on de sea wit de driver, and as box fof IA
candy In his hands, what Miss Fannie
had give him, and he was de proudestS
ting dat ever butted into dat school, lie W
Gle look into his eyes meant anything, ~
OF course l had on me street close
but says to meself. dat I'd not go into
de room where Mi Paul was to fetch "
I Il! to de head master. for Z wanted 81
to him, and not back-cap his game wit ga
me ,Bowery mug: so stops In IDS littles
waiting room ,%hllo Mr.. EaulH takes Y do
.lnddie into de office But Mr. Paul Oh
leaves de door open, and I hears him "
say to de head master, t'dis is de lad
was writing you about. James Napoleon t
Emmett Fadden, de son OF a afrenE OF
mine. ''4 5+ q n i3sae s5f9S
,""He's a fine looking youngster. a:ld M
he has a fine name" hears de Gazaboo a3
say, f Gf{2l VI t}, N
Ills !, modder is French."S5 says Mr.
Paul, which accounts for part Of his
can. t55f35 q III 6,5g ss "a! I'M
Well. dev has some chit-chnt. and den
comes out. and Little Duke was bllnker- S}
Ing hard, for to show dat he ddn' tiwant TX
to cry. and we hikes away. Mr. Paul ss
and me to de station 81 .Sas}Ef
and den | says ~ You done me fair..i8
for fair. al right, Mr.. Paul. M S3
Z S"You?', s ALI lsSsE
"You located kiddie as a 4 son OF a m
fren Of yours l says IA . . NJ S5f
says Mr.. Paul. ode void didn't
holt me. II 1t didn't holt you. You has 8ss
solved me, and. perhaps, sometimes [BE
has solved you: ind on dat lay we Is as s
good as each odder.% I've never known M
you to do an ungentlemanly ting, so 8s
stand for de woid-fren.'' 5ar3, 9 NJ ssl
III didn't say noting more. cause dere S
didn't seem to be noting more to say; ia
but when gets home. and tell Duchess i
she unloosens! and gets out her belt, a8
and she produces II FLYER. "Cheems.'''s
she says, I've Will 20 into town to-
morrow. and we will dine for all de W
dinner dere is In dla bill, I'm almost a
as proud of you rs am Of your son,
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1903-09-20

liable TO make.a success In any voca-
tion.
1t is the direct thought,{the strong Will
md the positive conviction which win
Even II II starts out on the wronk track
1t possesses the courage and patience to
beyIn over with Just so much added or
pcriencc to add to lis store,
Young men and women ask me how to
get an education, With all the schools
OF correspondence and night schools and
free schools and wonderful libraries In
The land, any man or woman who ro-
mains ignorant to-day has no one to
blame The fault lies In weak will
and an absence of real determination.
Women ask me how to retain their hus-
bands love and again want mo to de-
eide their love affairs.
The woman who docs not know how 10
inspire and retain love Is the woman who
does not give love; and those who can-
moi decide the important question Of mar
rlape or separation for themselves lack
tbe very Intensity Of feeling and tho
high ideals of love which alone insure
happiness
The more see Of Ifs and Of human
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1903-09-20

Then, too in the poverty cure hospital
they could not sell their husbands old
clothes, for the husbands would have no
old clothes. Wallets would remove the
garments as soon as the first creases dis
appeared and give them to the poor---at
least, would like my hospital to be run
that way, though as a matter of fact. tho
rich don't appear to have been born In
,'gvey weather" The kind Of wealthy
souls know would take their discarded
hablaments and dispose of them at twice
the original cost price,
It would be sweet and lovely, too. to fec
the walters who served you without In
wardly cursing them and suppressng the
desire to see them strangled until their
very eycbals rolled out on the floor
WerelrBto found such an institution as
] have In mind. would make every pa
tient, on entering the hospital, 90 through
a Squeezing process. But not tho squeez-
In z process such as creditors sometimes
4 subject their debtors to- OH, no, no. no.
not that. Nothing Of the Pierpont Nor
gan kind II you please. would have
all the poverty squeezed out Of the SUI
ferers-every blessed germ Of the whole
awful, gnawing bunch.4f1 would squeeze
the inmates Of the institution until they
COulQn tiTeCOlleCI LIldL LHey ndu efel+ Dccu
poor-untl they had forgotten every
scrlmping trick they had ever known.
sE
would squeeze the women-now don't
mlsunderstand me when I speak about
squeezing them-until they failed to re-
member that there was such thing as
economizlng by wearing q linen collar two
days: until they had forgotten how to-
wash pocket handkerchiefs and dry them.
on mirrors; until they had ceased to give
homemade presents at Christmas time;
until they didn't care a continental how
much Of the family vctuals the cook
gave her sweetheart; until they didn't
give rap whether frying size chickens
cost Is cents or q dollar apiece; until
they were absolutely ignorant as to the
mystery of making new hats out OF old
material ;Euntil they would treat one un-S
other to soda wal ter without expecting and
demanding similar courtesles in return
in word, until they used only paper
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1903-09-20

bic presidents Of my boys, and sets my
think tank a-bubblng and n-trickling and
.ripplng with schemes for their wel-
fare. It brcat hes n delicious air of uncer-
tn!nty and expectation which Is always
delightful and fascinating and inspiring.
17'551fl Tsis l153H5 ef35fE as
And. verify, It initiates tho Commander.
in.Chcf like hot air Initiates balloon.
or rather HER hoping apparatus does
though as, q matter OF fact we have q
sort of Joint affair that usually works IN
exquisite harmony. All! good people, that
domestic ginntess Is one Of those hopers
you read about! There isn't a day, al,
hour. minute Of her waking moments
when she hasn't got that pinkish little
ear Of hers to the ground n-llstening ana
a-1ooking for the occasion when we ca
sell Our time honored Horse hair parl0rS
furniture for one-thlrd Its original cost
price and buy the atest brocatelle. There
isn't a second of the year, believe. whnt,
she doesn't expect somebody to take O.
fancy to- our tiny pinafored gals and heap
III sorts of modern blessings on them
There isn't day that comes around
when she doesn't expect me to showEup
with an abnormally large roll of green
backs. and to hear that have been made
boss Of the whole shop Hope? Why6
that woman lis nothing but hope. The
gnawa and chew and nihble and gulp fran
tically ut the hope that encrusts her per-.
sonality, but they can't eat It away
Hope springs eternal in her breast like
Unison weeds on an ashbnnk.
Talk about that woman going into q
poverty cure hospital and surrenderlns
all fher economical schemes! Why,
you couldn't drive her there. Horses,
couldn't get her into the place. 4 der
rick couldn't bulge her-no, mot as long
as there are needles and thread on3earth,i
and obscure little green grocers around
unknown corners and bargain counters
and remnant sales. She would die be-
fore she entered such an institution.
Y So my whole scheme goes to pieces!,
( am afraid the poverty cure hospital will
never DO tablislied unless they start
one in Utopia. Sybegin with, Il don't
sec any rlch6phlla4t s1S,ropists climbing over
one another to lAGY.ke tho first contribu-I
tons to the titution, and then, too,
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1903-09-20

a collision Dere's no harm in being polite
even to strouble--especial II it looks like
an n. dc mugs brand; y, J, 4, !.
4 to your own business. and trouble
comes your way, and won't take a hint
when you side-step, but butts In, like it
when trouble talks to you In lang
wudge like dat. den hit quick. straight
and as hard as you know how. Don't
throd-be honest. nd pass out de best
you has in your shop on de foist invita-
ton.
z to play In your back yard, but takes It's
trade somewhere else.
You has heard de wise say has
is dc only kind you are dated wit-your
own. a mug dat don't NEEDLE wit any
{ but his own@h has more time to Play ball
dan some good folks allow Is coming t.
Little Duke didn't say anything to me
den; but when Duchess was out Of de
way kiddie says to me. Daddy, please.
show me de back and front mt mug again
4 1t meant de kind Of strangle holdt dat
foot-pads give from behind and dat de
cops soon Joined and uses to make ugly
on de Bowery invents de front mug, what
5 Is de elbow In de neck, from in front and
de coppers has took dat into deir train
inE-does dat has rough house beats.
put Riddle trough de tricks until he was
red in de face and den he says. is dat a
good kind Of way to meet a trouble dat
you can't side-step?"
& II I don't have to go ball for him
breaking a collar bone, Ill be happy.
.s"I was on me knees. wit kddie's right
forearm under me chin, Joining him de
back mug, when Mr.. Paul strollst along,
and pipes lis off, and says, rs dat ono
or de studies Little Duke has to pass in p
.No, sir" says. desc Is called life
preservers, on de Bowery. IL 81
Lit looks to an outsider like a life dis
troyer. When you have got de youngsteI'
perfect In It. lid like to give him few
woids OF advice about his conduct in,
When klddie heard dat. his arm
around me neck gives grip dat near
puts me down and out. Perhaps he
taught he'd stood for all de advice dat
was due him i; but says Sure. sir" I
says. "Iet go your holt me son, or in
anodder minute you will be a half or
I "Besdes," says Mr.. Paul, with a smile,
seeing how do youngster{ looks, when
i gives advice always also gives a box
OF candy-to make such dat something
ldatEI gives Is Took #G,
n So de tree of us sits down on de lawn,
and Mr., Paul says, rs solemn MS dc
Judge In de- tombs. he. says: Now mo
little gentleman" q nd kiddie got so chesty
Wit being called dat dat he near busts
de buttons off his Jacket-"I has a few
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1903-09-20

don't look for IT: neideri am thying to
con you wit a song dat you must. dodge
dc trouble dat comes your way,l even
when you are not looking for It.
h','If you find yourself up against It. viii
out looking for It, Just tell yourself dat a
little OF il is a good ting to keep you
in mind dat you are not made all for
show. but part for blow. Any old kind
OF trouble In dis woild dat your daddy
ever had knock ?down to-, Is Ike foot
dat has to DO pulled: do way to stop
trouble dat you can't duck, Is to get Just
as busy witt 1t as YOU know how-under
de rules OF de game. &
meet trouble dat don't look so much
like yours as some odder fellows. side
stem, and give 1t chance to pass Wltout
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1903-09-20

mind, heart ana SOU, ana lol'o" we Ne''s
you Will find there No ono can I'VE your
life for you; no one can map out your
path for you, 1t is no accident which
placed you here you are. There Isl scm me
cause, some purpose. some design AM y :
sill
There was time when the writer q
these words bitterly rehclled against ler
environment, and against the circuW,
stances which walled her away from a.
that seemed desirable In the world. Sire
lived to realize that all that she rebelIsd
against was needed for the development
OF her best strength and qualities, ss
Should some great angel say to nne3tto-
morrow, ,Syr,
oThou must retread Thy pathway from
the sart, q
But God viii give, in pity for thy sorrow,
Some one dear wish. the nearest TO- thy
hAsrt"- ,s
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1903-09-20

and he looks at mo like he was saying
5"Dis is bad man! hasn't lost no
graphing irons, neider am ! looking for
de inside of fishing net!"
"De reason, goes on Mr., Paul, dat so
many young gentlemen do not succeed II
our unVersitio1 end bidder seals ~
DO nroposition until deir minds has been
loaded wit tings out Of books"
Little Duke looks upltn Mt dat like he
seen dc candy coming his way; for he
has never yet broke ke his LEGS running Honimg
dat he had audience goes on:
f'"De school you Is gong to is known MS
4 nrep. school. which the same is a school
dat ( IS meant for to make q boy J.. man
plays ball, Dat brings u.s." he says
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1903-09-20

In, college grave pro fessors and yet grav''e,r
Instructors. who will mako n q bluff Of
wanting you to- have more dan a vague
idea OF wedder de Greek dieresis---.dats q
corking void !; get 1t spet rig ht-wedder
de Greed dieresis is do dots over double
!, or is de close of a d!ptong.
+ Whom Mr.. Paul pitches does silly lang
wudge at klddis de little one let's out a
yell OF 10y, for he likes big woids like
his mama. 5 vi 4
Professors and instructors" goes on
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1903-09-20

care 3tof wltout looking for It. OATS de
talk Of gutter. To be sure a mug gets
some trouble In dis void witout looking
for 1t: but what I'm telling you Is: dat
dere Is a lot of trouble dat is like a
You poke 1t wit a stick. to see what It is
like. Just don't look for It, and dere
is d heap of u dat you won't see.
you dat dere IS no trouble for does dat
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1903-09-20

Mr.. Paul not a bit wlndedy ,"will pre-
time and hnbltat--of do dinosaurs. but
dey, too-de professors; not dc dinosau-
rlls-has once felt de THRU of bucking
dat you misses all your lectures. and Is
never prepared" s4 ISL ti.
Z, Are YOU on to dat dinosaurs? Miss
Fannie showed It to me In book. It's
n kind Of biz lobster dat lived nut west
before de McComb's dam bridge was
built over de Harlem.
.PIay ball! my young gentleman, 80
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1903-09-20

.wolds Of wisdom for to impart to you,.
dat will set you SO far ahead OF your
fellows datS&by de time ayou get Into
college all de swell societies and clubs
viii be out after you wit graphing hooks e'F
and fishing nets. Ss !, q II
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1903-09-20

I!fitosopny he orp1ss1 wv IetspttH ~,
as a radical and pessimlst, But on this
one occasion, when he wrote a, chapter on
Woman, lie agreed with the opinions
of his antagonists. the conservatives, To
gallantry and sentimentallty, but that
VAS not dangerous In this case. and he
Won applause from those who had hither-
to decrled him.
He did not realize that that applause
was the yign OF his blunder--the blundcr
of superfclallty. Without knowing 1t, he
dabbled In facts Of economics, Of peday
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1903-09-20

shine because one desert SPOT refuses to
bloom.
a great, loving nature brings It's own
reward
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1903-09-20

oRTHE SCORES Of men and wo-
men, young and old, who ask
my personal advice and counsel,
there is only one universal ans
wer to give: Look into Your own
The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1903-09-20
A PHILOSOPHERS BLuNDER.
BY CHARLOTTE TELLER.

ONE occasion schopenhaucr,
the German philosopher, sold
his birthright of truth-seeker Tor
the pleasure OF expressing a per.
sonnl1 antagonism--a spicy but
unwholesome pottage, In his
The Lancaster ledger. [volume] (Lancaster, S.C.) 1852-1905, 1903-11-11
Shooting Affair at Norway.
Special to The State.

Special to The State.
Norway, Nov. 7. This after-
noon about 2 O'Clock Mr.. Acquilla
Ehney, a young and highly re-
spected white man living four
miles north of this town, IN
quarrel about an account negro
tenant owed DR.. Able of this
place, which Mr.. Ehney had stood
for, resulted in the negro striking
Mr.. Ehney with a board across
his arm. His brother, Mr.. Lloyd
Ehney, being present, stepped
between to quiet the parties and
the negro hit him also. Mr..
Lloyd Ehney by this time had be.
come much infuriated, and told
his brother to 60 to the house and
get the gun and kill the "black
rascal. His brother ran to the
house, procured his gun and the
negro in the meantime ran to his
house, which is only a few hum
dred yards from the Ehneys'
home. Mr.. Ehney went to the
negro's house aad found him
standing in the door and firing
upon him filled his face with No.
3 shot. After the smoke had
cleared away he found that he
had shot the negro, his wife and
baby. None are dangerously
hurt according to latest account.