The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1903-09-27
STORIES TOLD
IN CLOAK ROOM
Statesmen Enjoy Relating the
Latest Anecdotes.
SENATOR CLARK HAS A STORY
GOSSIP FROM THE NATIONAL.
CAPITAL.
SENATOR CLARK HAS A STORY

Especial to The HeraId)
Washington, Sept. 26.-There is a
corps OF reporters sending in stories
10 Washington whose busy time comes
at just that season of the year when
there is 'Dothin' dom a." for the news
paper boy. Their speciality is the dead
y dull material to be dug out Of the
condition of the crops. OF course,
crops have an absorbing interest for
a certain percentage of the population
OF the United States. but really Wall
street does not care a fig about them.
any more than il cares for the true
value Of c. +. d I. stocks. However,
they keep a few hundred stenOgraph-
ers, and several musty professors busy
down I'm that dilapidated old shack
which contains the agricultural de-
partment of this great government.
Every congress promises q new build
ing for the department Of agriculture.
and the plans for such structure
have been done up nicely IN water
colors and framed in gilt, but the
building is like that many mansions"
OF which many of US never expect to
do more than hear. What the SeCre-
tary Of agriculture attempts to do is
10 gather an accurate report Of the
various crops grown all over the
country, the conditions in certain To-
calities relative to the raising of speci-
fed crops, and other useful data, which
IS all sorted out and put in pamphlet
form to be sent out by the congress
men and senators 10 their rural con-
sdtuents. 1t really does have an in
trinsic value though. Economists and
stump orators find it very useful in
deed Each one twists it to his own
end. Elaborate precautions are now
taken to preserve secrecy in the final
estimates of the wheat and cotton
crops. All reports are received in CT
pher and one man locked in a room
reads the cipher and makes a report
which If communicated tC Wall street
might raise or lower the market in
rather panicSy fashion.
Allen Tells a Story.
This IS the time of year when the
Hobbies OF the hotels offer a grateful
warmth and a pleasant rendezvous for
the early returners. Charles W. Al
len. former secretary of the navy, told
a rather clever story i'm the New VIII
lad the other evening of an incident
which occurred I'm the court room Of
a Porto BiCau city. The argument
was hot and strong words aboUnded.
one attorney punctuated his remarks
with frequent puffs at his cigar. Sud
denly his opponent protested to the
judge:
Your honor 7 suggest that yonder
window be opened and that this vile
speech which we have heard, accom-
panied by its still viler smoke. be Civ
on a chance to escape"
Before the court could command or
der. the abused counsel responded:
And If the gentleman viii follow
my speech and smoke out of the win
dow there viii he no occasion for me
to continue the infection of either"
Then the court rose in dignity and
said:
ct advise egress from this room by
yoHder door. when we wish to stain
the windows of our court we shall CAL
I'm tho painters"
Yarn About Buffalo Bill
Then "a big westerner thought it was
time for him To contribute a story
about William F. Cody. which also
concerned am Indian who met with an
accident IN the Buffalo Bill" show.
Colonel Cody was describing the scene
which took place after the operation
Zone leg had been amputatedJ to some
friends. among whom was young and
rather inexperienced physician. He fire.
UuentIy interrupted the colonel. to throw
in a technical term. "A few days aft
or the operation said Cody. 1.-THE In
dian learned that his leg had been
buried. With a whoop he leaped from
his bed and jumped upon the doctor
with both feet"
Jumped with both feet after an op-
Grafton" shouted the interrupter. eN-
ulting in his exposure OF the great
scouts absurd story. ct said upon the
doctor with both feet" Cody answered
CoOly, Gin order 10 distinguish the
other hospital physician who had only
&C.
pie affairs so often that he lost it."
Senator Clark Told One.
Then some one said Next" and
elected a story by Senator Clark of
Montana "In Montana" he said. "a
wealthy farmer arranged for a contest
one Fourth of July. Casks Of milk
were 10 be taken from one end Of the
farm to the other. and the first man i'm
with his Cask Of milk was to receive n
prize. The casks were kicked, rolled
and thrown over the course. Of course,
one man came in first, all the rest fol-
lowing closely except a heavy German.
He was too stout to kick or roll his bur
den. and fifteen minutes behind all the
others carried his cask to the goal. The
farmer awarded him the prize, saving:
L said the first man in with his milk
and our German friend who came in
last wins. The others in their hurry
nave Churned the milk in their casks
into butter" Thus proving" con-
cluded the senator, that the race is
not always to the swift"
German of Maryland.
It IS not often that a man has a pres
idential nomination thrust on him
against his viii, but that appears to be
what his admirers are trying to do in
the case Of Arthur Pue German. If he
goes up In 1904 as the Democratic op-
ponent Of Theodore Roosevelt, the
strenuous executive will have what
might be termed his own antipodes to
contend with. For there could not be
greater difference between two men'
than that which exists between Cor
man and Roosevelt. By his fntfmates
the Maryland senator IS nicknaneI
The SPHINX Day after day ne win
sit listening in the upper house to heat
ed debate over some important meas