The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1903-09-17
HUMOR OF THE DAY.


1903, by c. B. Lewis)
HUMOR OF THE DAY.
better, and finally IL white physician
was called. Soon after arriving DIR. S.
felt the darky's pulse for a moment.
and then examined his tongue. Ibid
your doctor take your temperatures"
he asked Il don't know, sah." he an
swered feebly: Il hain't missed any
thing but my watch as yit. boss
Boston (Mo-) Star-Sentinel.
Proud Mamma-You haven't kissed
the babv
Bahelor UncIe-Um-er-rI try to re-
member next time. I'll kiss her when
I-er-come back from China.
When will that beg"
'Let-me-see. In about sixteen
years. "-Tit-Bits
When you see a friend come smiling,
With beatific face,
Understand he wants to borrow.
And round the corner chase.
When he comes with grave demeanor.
GreetS you with a nod and stare.
Then be sure he has a bank roll:
Make a hot touch then and there
Kansas City Independent
1t was autumn, the autumn after her
You are as brown as a berry" said
her mirror, but adding. soto voce:
'.Elderberry.'' - &
Hers was a French mirror. too polite
more than to hint at an ungrateful
truth.-Life.
Borus-The scene of. my story, you
observe. Is laid in an Old mill. A good
place-ha. Rhal7 for grinding it OUT
Naggus-Yess'~ but you might have
do q Of IF he
than you did.
Borus-Of the flour2s How? set
Naggus-In thickening your plot
little.-Chicago Tribune. ~
Heavy expenses this. year" said the
publisher.
"Indeed?"
yes; I'm running two new authors
and an omobiler'-Atlanta Con-
stitution.
Shell am afraid cannot marry you.
dearest.
His Lordship-Oh, why not?
She-Papa would never forgive me
for being so vagant.-Life-
Her novels show lack of revision"
We'll, she is very young"
Il suppose her mother hardly permits
her to read what she has written. -
Puck.
Medium Cat spiritualistic seance)-Is
Mr.. Heezicks present? His deceased
wife wishes to communicate with him.
Mr. Heeziclxs Gn an agitated voice)-
Tell her I'd rather not I'm married
again.-Chicago Tribune.
1T is hard luck" said one Of Jobs
comforters.
What is your latest suggestion!
was the patient inquiry.
''If you had lived a few eras later
you might have made a fortune writing
testimonials for proprietary medicines
Washington Star.
Fine wasn't it?" exclaimed Gilman.
after the trombone soloist had finished
his star performance. THAT was really
ooh shucks." replied Citirnan's coun-
try cousin. HE didn't fool me little
bit. That's one o. them trick horns
He didn't really swalIeFstt. "-Philadei
phia Press.
II sent your wife copy of my novel,
Nine Points of the Law How did it
impress .her?" asked the author
well" replied Henry Peck, ,'she
she was forever laying it down."-Phila-
delohia Press. 49,
"A bird in the hand is not so musical
as one in the tree. Puck
He-"And at last they agreed to mar
ry' She-'Yes, and it was the last
thing they agreed on."-Denver Repub-
lican.
She (reproachfully)-"Be we were
married you used to say you couldn't
live without me-" "A man never knows
what he can do till he tries."-Life.
George. we were cleaning out the hall
today and the maid gave your Panama
hat to the re- gman by mistake Thank
ness;"-CIeveland Plain Dealer.
.Willie-''Pa, when you say a mans
wool gathering it means he's law.
don't it?'' Pa-'Not necessarily. He
may be gathering the wool off the lambs
in Wall street."-Philadelphi Ledger.
TITS an awful thing to be in church
and discover just as the collection plate
comes around that you are absolutely
penrfless.' TT is so, because you
haven't got a penny you have to drop
in a nickel or a dime. Of course.-Phila-
delohia Press.
Tommy Figgjam-"Paw, that big
oaks a-standin' with tn long limb
pofnting Just tn same way it was. isn't
it?' Paw Figgtarn-'Why, yes, Tommy;
what a foolish question:" Tommy Figg-
jarn-'sW'y m said that tn oak trees in
here We're beginning to turn. "-Balti-
more American.
WANTED Statesmen.
wANTED-Sa Statesmen for full line 1T
fruit ana ornamental trees: pay weekly
fra1fA frno III ~