The Laurens advertiser. (Laurens, S.C.) 1885-1973, 1903-05-20

that 1 don't think of a little incident
rted to your ma. We set up housekeep-
ing in one of those cottages that you
read about I'm the story books, but that
you want to shy away from when It's
put up to you to live In one of them.
1t was just the place to go for n picnic,
but it's been my experience that Il Eel
low does most of his picnickiDg before
he's married.
Your ma did the cooking and / hus-
tied for things to cook, though 1 would
take a shy at 1t myself once I'm awhile
and get UP my muscle tossing %iapjaCks.
1t was pretty rough sailing, you bet,
but one way and another we managed
to get n good deal of satisfaction out of
1t, becausevwe had made up our minds
to tax our fun as we went along.
With most people happiness is some
thing that Is always just a day off. But
I have made 1t n rule never to put OFF
being happy till tomorrow.
! was clcrking In n general store at
that time, but 1 had n little weakness
for live stock ever then, and while 1
couldn't afford to plunge I'm 1t exactly
I managed to buy n likely little shote
that 1 reckoned on carrying through
the summer on credit and presenting
with n bill for board in the fall. He
was just a plain pig when he came to
us, and We kept him in a little sty, but
we weren't long I'm finding out that he
wasn't any ordinary root and grunt
pig. The first 1 knew your ma was
calling him Toby and had turned him
loose. Answered to his name like a
dog. Never saw such a sociable pig.
Wanted to sit on the porch with us.
Tried to come Into the house evenings.
Used to run down the road squealing
for Joy when he saw me coming home
from work.
Well. 1t got on toward November, and
Toby had been making the most of his
opportunities. 1 never saw II pig that
turned corn into fat so fast, and the
stouter he got the better his disposition
grew. I reckon / was attached to him
myself in n sort Of n sneaking way, but
I was mighty fond of hog meat, too,
and we needed Toby in the kitchen. So
I sent round and had him butchered.
When 1 got home to dinner next day,
1 noticed that your ma looked mighty
SOItIlh 10 Din ScI III IOuSl VI JUN
down in front of me, but 1 strayed off,
thinking of something else as 1 carved,
and my wits were of woolgathering
sure enough when 1 said:
"Will you have a piece of Toby, my
dear?"
Well, sir, she Just looked at me for a
moment, and then she burst out crying
and raj away from the table. Btu
when I went after her and asked her
what was the matter she stopped cry
ing and was mad In a minute all the
way through. Called ME a heartless,
cruel cannibal. That seemed to relieve
her so that she got over her mad and
began to cry again. Begged me to take
Toby out of pickle and to bury him I'm
the garden. 1 reasoned with her, and
In the end l made her see that any
Obsequies for. Toby, with pork at 8
cents n pound, would be a pretty ex-
pensive funeral for us. But first and
last she had managed to tax my appe-
lite away so that 1 didn't want any
roast pork for dinner or cold pork for
supper.
That night 1 took what was left of
Toby to a storekeeper at the Crossing,
who I Knew would be able to gaze on
his hams without bursting into tears,
and got Il pretty fair price for him.
I simply mention Toby In passing as
an example Of why I believe women
weren't cut u for busineI Sat least
for the pork packing business. I've had
dealings with a good many OF them,
first and last, and It's been my expert
ence that when they've got a weak
case they add their sex to 1t and win,
and that when they've got a strong
case they subtract their sex from 1t
and deal with you harder than a man.
They're simply bound to win either
way, and 1 don't like to play a game
where I haven't any show. When a
clerk makes n fool break, I don't want
to beg his pardon for calling his atten-
ton to 1t, and I don't want him to
blush and tremble and leak a little
brine into a fancy pocket handkerchief.
A little change is a mighty soothing
thing, and I like q woman's ways too
much at home to care very much for
them at the Office. Instead Of hiring
women I try to hire their husbands,
and then I usually have them both
working for me There's nothing like a
woman at home to spur on a man at
the office.