The Washington times., 1903-12-26

] ask a loae. lorn gob5ler:
"Oh why so sad | pray?"
He answered, 'AI M family,
But me. have passed away.
Ny mother died Thanksgiving;
And also seven brothers:
On Christmcs my poor father went.
My uncle and the others.
And so pine and NOPE around.
And shed these bitter tears:
Il grief should keep me thin enough.
l may escape New Years!
1t may be of interest to note that the
turkey, 50 popular In America on
Thanksgiving and Christmas days. has
superseded the pig Of our ancestors in
Merry England That was one of the
chief reasons why Columbus discovered
America He suspected that there were
thousands of turkeys running about
wild in the woods over mere and he
considered it his duty TO discover the
country and introduce the birds into
Europe.
While the President gave turkeys to
the married employees of the White
House. he presented copies of THE
Strenuous Life" to those who are single.
The reason for this discrimination IS
plain. Married men. as a rule, need no
pointers regarding the strenuous exis-
tencc.
Reports concerning the Kitty Hawk
airship are insistent that IL will fly.
This seemed incredible at first. because
the ability to fly is a quality not asso-
ciated in the public mind with airships
When this invention comes into general
use, what a convenience it will be for
ldefaulting bank officials and gentlemen
Of that ilk! They will simply evaporate
into the upper regions, turn the noses
of their flying machines in the right di-
rection and swoop down the wind to
safety.
Jones-Today, for the first time in my
life. realize that there may be an ad-
vantage in having such q large family
as mine.
smith-Hows that?
Jones-No turkey hash today.
| Verify. Uncle Sam is the Monte Crist 0
lof nations. 1t will cost a measly $780,
100000 or so to start the canal, but ne
does not need to borrow. thank you. He
usually carries that amount around in
his vest pocket for any little emergency
that may arise.
That Yale professor who has got his
eating expenses down to 20 cents a DAY
has nearly reached the 5-cents-a-meal
mark aimed at by Major Bean. OF
Omaha. The professors performance
| is more creditable than the majors. and
| his results are doubtless more trust.
worthy, as he is experimenting with hi.
own stomach and has conducted his test
over longer period He is now Twins
| at the Waldorf in New York. at a dol
| lar day, according to his statement
This must. Of course, be for eatinl
alone. and not for room. If it include.
tips. 1t is hard 10 see how ne induce.
the walters TO bring him anything. H,
Is probably. in addition to his other &C
complishments, a hypnotist. His diet
| by the way. sounds appetizing. as som,
of the articles are club sandwiches .oat
zeal. chicken with cream gravy. let
tuce and sliced tomatoes. etc. One doe
not quite understand how he gets an
OF these things at the Waldorf at s
per day. The ordinary mortal paws 3
cents for salad at a swell hotel an,
doesn't get enough Of it to support lif
for half day. AS for chicken Will
cream gravy. that is an order for mil
honaire- II the professor succeeds ii
remaining at the Waldorf as wei
come guest, the hotel will probably be
come =. popular resort for the workin;
classes of New York.
Cynical and envious people who do no