The Minneapolis journal., 1903-12-31

II have performed hundreds of mar
riage ceremonies, but have only asked
one bride to promise obedience to her
husband. did this because she In
sisted upon it, and l have never asked
her whether she was glad. Probably
not one American woman in ten thou
sand has any intention of obeying her
husband in the sense contemplated
In the marriage service, and SO what
is the use Of asking her to promise
what she does not, mean n, to perform
1t always seems to me like sham.
The real problem of matrimony Is
not obedience, but Difference. There
is a certain subordination, submis-
sion. recognition of superiority in
both friendship and marriage that is
Of the utmost Importance,
The case stands this way:
Either the man and woman have
equally strong wills and good judg-
nent, which Is a very great innproba-
bility; or the man has the highest
endowment In these qualities; or, per-
chance, the woman.
Now. the most important question
FOR every young couple is the early
discovery Of this superiority and it's
constant recognition. The little home
Kingdom needs to be ruled by the no
blest mind. The domestic state thrives
best under an aristocratic form Of
government. But here's the rub.
In the vast majority of cases it is the
the most egotism, and the married
life becomes one long struggle on the
part Of the weaker member Of the
Arm to assert his or her personality.
Our "personality!" How we dread to
have 1t swallowed UP or even subor-
dinated. And 1t would be terrible
thing to really lose it In another; to
81 i,,1
pIetely absorbed in that of husband
or wife as really to become a no
body!
This tragedy often happens in the
married life. You have seen women
who were nothing in the world but
little echoes Of some big, clustering
domineering man. You have seen six
foot men who were wagged like a
tail by little, aggressive, capable and
determined women. It, - always pitt
ful and Eenera11y. a contemplate
sight Losing ors's individuality in
this way Is l''le being sucked down
into quickssnd. 1t would have been
Is. ias in Solomon's weakest wife to
have thus surrendered her personan-
ty even to the Wisest Of men.
And it is the instructive fear Of this
ignobIe surrender that often lies at
the bottom of lifelong matrimonial
unhappiness- A man woman
makes the slow. painful discovery of
his or her inferiority and 1t Is humili-
ating beyond words. 1t is something
to be covered up; to be denied; to be
resented. In the blind struggle against
the inevitable self-assertion is the last
resort. What this inferior mind lacks
in greatness it must make up for by
obstinacy and aggressiveness. Day
after day and year after year it strug-
fNv hHrt hi Pot ~
cd, alWas developing Its egottsa at the
expense Of it's judgment; always sacri
ficing It's best interests to avert it!
threatened loss of individuality.
This is very subtle but very com
mon and very terrible evil in married
life. Few such people have the meta
physical acunen to understand theil
own motives or the operation of thei
minds. 1t is a blind, instructive ant
desperate struggle for existence-th,
existence of the personality! The fea
of being mentally absorbed is like tn,
there is a genuine basis for the appre
hensiOn, for it is a characteristic o
all superior minds, or most of them
to swallow up inferior ones. Powe
descends into tyranny rivers descend
into the sea. There is a deep and ter
rible JOY In dominating minds that ar
beneath us. It Is this delight tina
suFns men INTO prdAes ana women int
viperS.
But II It Is real danger (and
danger to be avoided) that the YER
personality Of the weaker partner Il
the greatest business combination o
all time should be swallowed up an.
extingulshed, 1t Is still greater on
that 1t should become a self-assertiv
and savage egotist. And the simpl
truth Of the matter is that home afte
home has been wrecked because som
vain and stupid man woman wa
not willing to acknowledge the superi
ority Of nobler mind. Stop for mo
ment and think Of the homes you hav
seen shipwrecked on this rock. Sto
and inquire whether it may not b
the peril Of your own.