Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1903-02-11
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1t is becoming almost as dangerous
to ride in automobiles as to be in front
of them. This may bring reform.-Ex.
Culture: Ruth-AIr. Jenkins has such
an air of culture, hasn't he? Tom
dealous) -Hum-yes agriculture.-Kan-
sas City Journal.
Defined and Described: Teacher
What is a farm? Bright Little Girl
A piece of land entirely covered by
mortgage.-Detroit Free Press.
Teaching Him: Toni can read
your thoughts. Clara-I can hardly
believe it, for if you could you wouldn't
sit SO far away.-Indianapoli Jour.
nal.
Fully Covered: a woman on the
death of her husband telegraphed to
distant friend: Dear Joseph is dead
Loss fully covered by insurance."-Tit.
Bits.
All Hers: "Ah, but, count" she
cried, do you love me for myself
alone? Yes" he replied, you are
your fazaire's only child."-Chicago
Times Herald.
Little Willie-Say, pa. what's an ego.
fist? PAN egotlst, my son, is man
who tells you those things about him.
self which You intended to tell him
about YOURSELF Chicago News.
lnstruc'fSdin despair)-Well, at least
you can te>NSe where the Magma
Charta was signeda Student Cheer
fully)-oh, yes! King John signed that
at the bottom.-Harvard Lampoon. .
Sure enough: Little Elmer-Papa.
what is the hand of providence? Pro
fessor Broadllead-Thc hand of provi-
dence, my son, is what we usually see
In the misfortunes of others.-Puck.
Bridget, did you hear the bell?"
"1es-sum." why don't you 60 to tho
door, then?" "Sure, mum, I'm not ex.
pectin' amy one. 1t must be some
body to see YOU Baltimore Herald.
To Remove the Shells: Mrs. New
wed lat dinner)-Mandy, why do you
serve nutcrackers with the turkey?
Mandy-Well, yo' done tole me to stuff
de turkey wifi chestnuts.-Detrolt Free
Press.
TOMMY think mamma is an awful
gossip. Ethel-Oh, Tommy! how can
you say such thing? Tommy-Well,
she is; everything do she Immediate
ly goes and tells papa. 1 hate gossip.
-Tit-Bits.
Il see Newlywed at the Country
Club quite often since his baby came.
thought he was firmly anchored to
n home life" HE was, but at the
first squall he began to drag his an.
Choir. Puck.
OPTIONAL: do you have to ask your
wife for money?' faltered the little
man with the hunted look in his eyes,
Not on your lifew replied the large,
brusque man; but rather than 20
without, l sometimes do"-Detroit
Journal.
A Hardship of Modern War: She
The strain on the soldier in modern
warfare must be very great. He-It
is. Sometimes the photographer isn't
ready. and you have to wait hours.
and then the pictures may prove fall
uresJudge. ----..--
Early less6Rs~in ornithology: SQUIRE
Ito rural lad)-Now, my boy, tell me
how do yo1 know an old partridge
from young one2 Boy-By teeth, sir.
Squire NohsenseS boy! You ought to
know better. A partridge hasn't got
any teeth. Bos.sS,gir; but have
Punch.
An enthusiastic sightseer in London
was telling her friend that she had
been fortunate enough to get good
view of Lord Kitchener. "Ah," said
the friend, Il suppose he is very
bellicose MANI" "Oh, no." was the
reply, quite slim assure you."-Chi-
cago News.
Mother-You naughty boy! You've
been fighting. Little Son-No, mother,
Mother-How did your clothes get torn
and your face get scratched? Little
Son-1 was trying to keep a, bad boy
from hurting good little boy. Mother
That was noble. Who was the good
little boy? Little Son-Me.-Pittsburg
Bulletin.
Answered by telephone: Parker
What's wrong, You seem worried.
Streeter-I am. wrote two notes.
one to my broker asking him If he took
me for fool, and the other to Miss
Golding asking her If she would be
mine. While l was out somebody
tclcphoned Yes and l don't know
which of 'em it was.-Chicago News.
"Would you advise me to read The
ylrginian'?" the fair young girl looked
up and asked him. Not yet" he
gravely replied; always wait until a
book has been OH the market for a
full year and half before you read
it." A little later he murmured softly
to himself: by that time 1 may be
able to get her copy for 10 cents"
For, in addition to giving sage advice.
he was not averse to turning an hon
est penny.-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
a stylishly dressed woman entered
restaurant. The waiter handed her
bill Of fare written in French, and
said: "Please mark off the dishes you
wish to order" Could woman, dress
ed i'll the height Of fashion, confess
that she could not read French? TAX
ing the pencil she made few dashes,
and the order read: Dinner, 2s.";
Nov. 90" Vegetables" please pay
at the desk" Celery" The fiendish
waiter brought her beefsteak and on
ions, but she did not dare to raise
word in protest.-Tit-Bi
Price of Fame.