Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1903-03-30
lz;'$!::;;'fpk5lAE2$
.>5z;111@E1n


Sarcastic: Guest-Waiter. bring me
beefsteak. A real large one. as my
eyesight is very poor.-Ex.
Economical Robbie: do you say
your prayers every night, Robbie?-
mo; some nights l don't want any
thing."-Ex.
Yeast-"It's hard to keep good man
down" Crimsonbeak-"T why
they put such heavy monuments over
some of them. l suppose"
Statesman.
Softleigh-Are you quite sure Miss
Banks is not in? The Maid-Of course
l am. She gave me one of your photo
graphs in order to make me doubly
sure.-Chicago Daily News.
Bryan still seems to think he's very
much like Thomas Jefferson "And
so he is" NONSENSE Fact. The
only difference is that Jefferson Is
buried" -Philadelphia Press.
Mrs. Upjohn-"What beautiful floors!
How do you keep them so nicely pol
ished" Mrs. Gaswell giving her the
icy glare)-"I don't. l leave that to
the emaid."-Chicago Tribune.
Lawyer-"Have you ever seen the
prisoner at the barr" Witness-"No,
sir; but 1 have seen him many times
when strongly suspected he had been
nj ~ fla a. al ,,1i
Mrs. -Trumps- yes. we
had a delightful time. We played
cards the whole evening. Mr.. Watts
Trumps-Nonsense. Lucy; we only
played between the anecdotes.-Tit-
Bits.
Lady Caller Ito old family SERVANT
Well, Bridget, did Master Arthur shoot
any tigers in India? Bridget-Of
horns of the craychurs hung in the
hall!-Punch.
Progressing -She-"How's the motor
car getting on, Sir Charles" He
well. fact Is. I've seen very little of
1t. You see. I've only had it three
months. and when it isn't in the hospi-
tai, am."-Punch
IF you kiss me again, sir, l shall call
my mother!" whats the use of thatY'
said Chollie Freshe; you know I'd
prefer to kiss you. and besides, your
father might object to my kissing the
old y"-Baltimore Herald
A Vision of ss.-Rastus-"Ah
dreamed oh heaben las night" ZeEe
Am dat so? An what did it look
like" Rastus-"A monst'us big chick
en- roose in de middle OBJ a watermil-
lion patch.'-San Francisco Bulletin.
Subbubs-We've got a new girl at
our house. Backlotz-Hah! It's easy
enough to get new girl. but can you
keep her? Subbubs-The doctor thinks
so. He declares she weighs nine
pounds at st-Philadelphia Press.
Blessed sleep: "Supposng you
woke up some day and found yourself
what'd you do?" go
right to sleep again. so that the knock
ing of the tax assessors on the door
wouldn't annoy Baltimore Her
aid
Satisfied Quite.-Nervous Old Lady
Il hope your horse is quiet. cabman.
What's she laying back her ears like
that for-look" Cabby (complacently)
-"Oh. that's only her feminine curosi-
ty, num- She likes to hear where she's
a-goin' tow-Tit-Bits
Why John Was Absent.-The follow
ing brief but explicit telegram was
sent from a nearby State to Georgia
recently: "Reason John didn't git
home fer Christmas wuz-he stopped
in a hotel fer the first time in his life,
an bowed out the gas. "-Atlanta Con-
stitution.
Tallent-What's this? Lost, a
house dog; Il liberal reward will be
paid for his return" Why, man.
there's your dog out in the yard this
moment Gilfore-Yes; somebody'll
come along and steal him as soon rs
that advertisement gets about. -Bos
ton Transcript.
Scribbler - "Confound it, Maria,
didn't tell you not to let the baby
touch anything on my desk?" His
Wife-"Well. you know l can't watch
her all the time. Has she done any
mischief?" Scribbler-"I should say
she has! She's written Il historical
novel"-Judge.
Public spirit rewarded; Il see Sben
son Is assessed twice as much on his
| rorconnl n,onartr DC hn xuaS last Won =