The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1903-03-08

| teen; flv'rage weight iv parents, wan
hundred an eighty-f1ve; av'rage size
" rooms, nine be eight; av'rage height
~ ceilin', nine feet; av'rage wages, wan
dollar, sivinty-five; av'rage dration iV
docthor's bills, two hundred years.
Il took tn statistics to Father Kelly
| He's an onprejudiced man, an if tn
| race was dyin' out wud have had a
soundin' boord in his pulpit long ago,
so that whin he mintioned tn wurrud
| He'll ivry wan in tn congregation
wud have thought he meant him or
her.
81 think says Father Kelly that
Dock Crogan is a little wrong in his
| figures. He's boastin. In this parish
I allow twelve births to wan marredge.
1t varies. iv coorse, bein' sometimes as
| low as nine an sometimes as high as
fifteen. But twelve is about tn
av'rage,' he says. IF we see Dock Eliot
he says, we can tell him tn race amt
dyin' out very bad in this here part
iv tn wurruld. On tn conthry. 1t amt
lible to ayether.' he says, 'onless wages
Is raised. he says. TIL poor ar-re be-
comm richer in childher an tn rich
poorer he says. 'Tis always tn way
he says. TIL bigger tn house tn
smaller tn family. michigan avnoo is
always thinnin' out firm itself an grw-
in firm tn efforts iv Ar-rchey Road.
Ills a way Nature has iv gettin' aven
with tn rich an pow'rful. Wan part
iv town has nawthin' but money an
another nawthin' but childner. A man
with tin dollars a week will have tin
childher, man with wan hundred dol
lars will have five, an a man with a
nillyen will buy an autymobil. Ye can
tell Schwartzmeister with his thirteen
little Hanses an Helenas that he don't
have to throw no bombs to make room
FIR his childher TIL people over IN
michigan avnoo will do that them
selves. Nature he says, lis a wild
dimmycrat,' he says.
II guess he's right I'm goin' to ask
Dock Eliot, Tiddy Rosenfelt an all tn
rest iv thin to come up Ar-rchey
R-road some summers afthernoon an
show thin tn way tn r-race is dyin'
out. TIL front stoops is full iv childher;
they block tn trolley cars; ther're shy
in bricks at tn polls, pullin' up coal
hole covers. playin ringarund-th rosy,
shootin' dice, maxim paper dolls, goin'
TO Sundah-sehool, hurryin with tn
sprinklin' pot to tn place at tn cor
ner an indulgin' in other spoorts iv
childhood. Pahpah is settin' on tn ,
steps. ma is lanin' out iv tn window
gassin' with tn neighbors, an squad
iv polls ar-re up at tn church keepin' |
tn cristenin' parties firm mobbin Fa- !
Their Kelly. while he inthrajooces wan |
thousan' little Michaels, Pathricks. |
lawns. Robert limits. Hates, Bridgets |
an Mary AIMS or James or Ellens to
Christyan s'ciety. No. sir, tn race. far !
firm dyin' out in Ar-rchey R-road, is
runnin' aisy an comm sthrong."
I'VE ought to be ashamed to talk |
about such subjicks, We, an OF batch,
said Mr.. Hennessy. ITS seervous
question"
How nanny chndher have YEP" ask
ed Mr.. Dooley.
Lave me see," said Mr.. Hennessy.
WAN. two. four. five. eight. siven,
eight, tin-no that's not right. Lave
me see. All. yes, frgot Terence We
have fourteen"
If tG race iv Hinnfssy's dies OUT"
said Mr.. Dooley, twill be firm over
.rowdin.'
copyright. 1903, by Robert Howard
Russell