Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1903-03-28
JOBSON'S MISTAKE.

Mr.. Jobson was In high state of elation
when he arrived home from the Office the
other evening. He kept smiling and snnii-
ing to himself as he removed his topcoat
and gloves, and then he got a good posi-
ton before the mantei glass and began to
pat his hair at the sides and arrange his
scravat while he regarded his reflected
image approvingly.s
.Ahem" he said to Mrs. Jobson, after he
had gone through these movements num-
Der of times. ''er-I suppose that am too
old, and fat, and bald. and that have been
too long on the shelf. maybe. to get what
the young people of today call the goo-goo
eye, eh?" and Mr.. Jobson gave his necktie
another cunning little pat and regarded
Mrs. Jobson archly out of the tail OF his
eye.
Mrs. Jobson smiled back upon him with a
bafhing smile.
quite upon the contrary, my DEAR" she
remarked; II am frequently afraid to let
you go out of the house at all for fear that
some of the horrid creatures will run away
with YOU"
Now, thatIl do for the sarcasm" put in
Mr.. Jobson. too well pleased with himself,
however, to become wrathful over Mrs
Jobson's remark. II know that It would
chagrin you terribly II you knew that any
of the-er-anybody ever paid the slightest
attention to your husband on the street or
anywhere else, butch, l don't know-I
don't know" and Mr.. Jobson preened him
self some more and proceeded TO strut up
and down the room with his hands behind
him.
Upon my word" said Mrs. 'Jobson, good
humoredly shaking finger, II believe you
have been flirting. you wretch
Tut, tut. now, my dear!" replied Mr..
Jobson in deprecatory tone, In which there
wasn't cents worth Of denial of the soft
imputation. What, an aged and decrepit
personals, have no doubt. am consider
ed by some persons am acquainted with
guilty Of such a thing? Tut. Mrs. Jobson.
and, similarly, tush!" and Mr.. Jobson con-
tinued his cheerful parade up and down the
room.
IT shall have you watched" declared Mrs.
Jobson, again shaking an arch forefinger
at her spouse.
"Fiddlesticks! replied Mr.. Jobson. 1T
wouldn't do you a particle of good, for
am not 1 beg to assure you, going to fur
nish you with the slightest grounds for such
course Of procedure-too old a bird for
that. madam-too old bird-ahem! The
simple satisfaction of finding out that am
not so hopelessly out of the running with
the-er-sex is enough for me-. Moreover, 1
never expect to see the fair charmer again
-'pon my word 1 don't, my dear! 1t was
just one Of those little exchanges of the lam
guage Of the eyes which-er-" and here
Mr.. Jobson's lapse into the sentimental
begged him somewhat, and he wound up
fabbily-"which only happen once, you
know, and are-er-never renewed"
Mrs. Jobson approached the elated Mr..
Jobson and bestowed wheedling caress
upon him.
And was she so very lovely?" she In
quired.
"Who. lovely?' said Mr.. Jobson. still
smiling and releasing himself from Mrs.
Jobson. BLESS my SOUL you are not to
consider, my dear, that I have made the
slightest admission with respect to any
person whatSoever-but as to her being ex-
actly lovely, well, I wouldn't go so far as
to say that, but she was mighty buxom and
wholesome looking-and, by the way, am
mighty fond of black tailor-made dresses.
Why don't you get yourself oneY'
why, I gave one away only little while
ago." said Mrs. Jobson. You never SEEM
ed to care for the dress, and so I grew
tired of it myself. But please tell me all
about her, won't you?
"TommyrOt, my DEAR" chuckled Mr.. job
son. THE purely hypothetical case which
we have under consideration-well, it was
meeting in the cars with no words pass
slightest idea of Righteousness on the part
of the party of the first part, but the party
of the second part-the one, we will say,
provided with the black tailor-made dress
used her eloquent brown eyes in such a
delicious way in regarding the-er-pul-
chritude of the party of the first part that
oh. it was merely a simple little affair,
my dear, but-ahem!-it certainly makes q
fellow feel bit contented with himself
when he finds out that he isn't entirely and
completely a wall flower. you know, and
that however idly he may be looked upon
by those close to him-he is-oh, don't
know, all right, all right"
Il do believe that you have become a
gay deceiver and cruel Lotharfo!' said
Mrs. Jobson, not in the least put out In
the world-that is to say, externally-and
for the remainder Of the evening Mr.. Job
son was getting in SLY digs about people
supposed to be ancient and antiquated
"fooling EN- up a whole lot" and about
some people he could mention not being
"the whole works, If they do think they are
themselves" and so on.
A couple of evenings later Mr.. and Mrs.
JObson started out to make a call. In the
closed 14th street car which they took a
woman in a neat, but not new, tailor-made
black dress was passenger. She was a
woman of thirty-eight or so, with a stout
peculiar in that, while they twinkled
brightly all the time there did not appear
to be any great amount Of intelligence in
them.
'"Good evening, Mary" said Mrs. Jobson
when she entered the car with Mr.. Jobson
and the woman in the black suit smiled
and nodded pleasantly. Then she gazed at
Mr.. Jobson with her queer, unintelligent,
twinkling eyes, and Mr.. Jobson grew red
but pleased-looking. Mrs. Jobson observed
his manner when his eyes met those of the
woman in black. and she understood.
You seem to be acquainted with Mary
Soapstone, my DEAR" she said to Mr.. Job
son when they left the car.
"Now, tut, my dear-tut. say!' said
Mr. JobSOn, throwing his shoulders back
and walking with more of swagger than
usual.
81 positively believe declared Mrs Job
son, ''that Mary is your inamorata Of the
cars!'
mot another word, my dear-not another
| world" said Mr.. Jobson, but all the same
he looked more pleased than ever.
poor Mary" Mrs. Jobson went on In a
sympathetic tone. Hers is indeed sad
story. She hasn't been quite right in her
| mind during the past six years. since her
husband, who treated her shamefully, left
her and her six little children-it is sort
of monomania with her now. poor crea-
ture, that every man she sees is in love
with her. That was the dress gave to her
not long ago, by the way-that black tailor
made dress. We all try to help Mary as
| best we can. Only little while ago the
members of our guild obtained a position
for her as chambermaid in one Of the ho-
tells, and"
Mr.. Jobson came to an abrupt halt, and
then turned suddenly about.
1--WE are not going to pay any call to-
night, madam he said hoarsely to Mrs.
Jobson. I'VE are going home. don't mind
little airy persifage when the. occasion is
opportune and the time ripe for 1t, but
when you deliberately attempt to stun me
n hot NH, ,ol~. \