Lincoln County leader. [volume] (Toledo, Lincoln County, Or.) 1893-1987, 1903-10-30
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Cue-MdInlud says L IDuSCn I enCOur-
age. you at all. He-That's all right. |
don't need any encoura agement.-Phil- |
adelphia Press.
Ample: Ada-Do you get much ex-
ercise? May-Why, yes. 1 have no
maid, and 1 have waist that buttons
in the back.-Judge.
Equivocal: She-Do you remember
before we were married, dear
He-Why, it's among my happiest rec
ollections,-Yonkers Statesman.
Hobson's Choice: Guest Gn cheap
restauranD-Well, waiter, what have
you got? Waiter-Beefsteak and fish
but the fish is all out. Which'll you
have?-Chicago News.
Stranger-I would like to have a
tooth pulled. Dentist-A man who
would like to have tooth pulled must
be a lunatic. Guess you'd better go
to the nearest asylum.-Boston Tran
script. i
$50 they named a cigar after your
YES" answered the sporting man in a
dubious tone. "Quite a compliment"
Il thought so till smoked one of the
cigars, then concluded that It was 4
libel. Washington Star.
Like Woman: "If you'll notice."
said Finnick, "the poets invariably say
she when referring to the earth. Why
should the earth be considered femi-
nine?" "Why not. Nobody knows just
how old the earth s.'-Philadelphia
Public Ledger.
Wife, wish we had a nice large
country place, where / could give a
lawn party. Husband-Just for the
pleasure of inviting some of your
friends, eh? Wife-Well, yes; and the
pleasure of not inviting some.-Phila.
delphia Ledger.
Ethel (ecstatically)-Oh, Charlie,
would you just as leave propose all
over again, and do it into this phono.
graph? Cholly-Why? "Why, want
to have something to remember you
by after you have gone IN and spoken
to papa about it."-Life.
Followed Directions: Mahoole-Aint
yez tn wan that towld me niver to
dhrink wather widout boilin'? Physi-
cian-Yes, sir. Mahoole-Thin OF hov
a moind to murther We. OF dhrank
boiled wather avn awlmost burned me
mouth off.-Chicago Times.
/ 81 heard to-day that your son was
+ an undertaken. thought you told me
he was physician" mot at ALL" 81
: don't like to contradict, but I'm posi-
tive you did say So" "You misunder-
stood me. said he followed the med
ical profession. n."-Philadelphia Press.
.Jack-I hear you are going to marry
Miss Prettyun. Permit me to cOngrat-
ulate you on your excellent taste. Tom
But the engagement is off. I'm not
Jack-Indeed! Then allow me to con-
, gratulate you on your good sense
Chicago Evening Post.
Just Like Real Lovers: Miss Ro-
= manz-Of course, you've read that
new love-story of his? Mr.. Crabbe ire
viewer)-Yes; had to. Very realistic,
wasn't it? Miss Romanz-Oh, the idea
Why, the dialogue between the lovers
was perfectly silly. Mr.. Crabbe-
Well?-Philadelph Press.
Guest (angrily)-Look here, land
lord, I'm heartily tired of the way you
do business here. Didn't you ever
have a gentleman stop with you be-
fore? Landlord gazing at him search
ingly)-Hum! Are you gentleman
Guest (more angrilyeOf course
Landlord decidedly = Then l never
did.
A Feeling of Security: "I'm so sur
prised to hear your wife likes the
house so much-it's so small" "Yes
but there are lots of closets in it
"True, but they're extremely small
too" "Thats just it. My wife is sat
isfed that not one Of them is big
enough to hold a burglar. Phiadel
phia Ledger.
Happy in the Assurance: She was
going away. "Oh, John.' she sobbed
"J-John, are y-you quite sure you'll
m-miss me?' Darling" replied hei
!, big husband, "I'l miss you as much as
, do the morning train" Thus assured
she picked up her grip and, with 9
sweet smile, started for the seashore.-
Chicago News.
. Mrs. Subbubs-Henry, Bridget broke
three of our very best plates to-day. Mr.
Subbubs-Heavens! Could anything
possible be worse Mrs. Subbubs-Sh
1t isn't as bad as 1t might be. She i'm
hiJ Tho piaoau ap1 ~.