Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1903-12-02
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generally bunch of trouble in dis.
guise. "-Chicago Record Herald.
The Explanation: He says he moves
in the best society," 80 he does; he
owns a furniture van.'-Smart Set.
Quite Different.-She- what
would you be now If 1t weren't for my
money? He-A bachelor.-Tit- Bits.
Politiclan-C Congratulations, Sarah,
I've been nominated. Sarah with de.
light)-Honestly? Politician-What
differences does that make ?-Detroit
Free Press.
Doctor-Want to get up, Ell? All,
thought my medicine would fetch you
out of bed. Tommy-Yes, an then,
besides. seen n circus poster. Phlla.
dolphin Bulletin.
The Reward of Economy.-Kwoter
WHAT'S that old saying? Take care
OF the pennies, and Newitt-And
the dollars will take care of your heirs
philadelphia Press.
Mr.. Jackson-Huh! Dat new-fangled
coffee-mill yo bought doan grind at all.
Mrs. Jackson-Ycas. It's lak some hus-
bands. Expensive, goes aroun' lot,
en- doan do no wuk.-Puck.
Wederly-Why don't you get mar
ricd? Singlcton--I can't afford 1t.
4 Wederly-Can't afford 1t! Why, when
was your age was SO poor that
had to marry Chicago News.
Il won't be good said willy.
Then Santa Claus won't bring you
amy presents" Wasn't / lad last
year, and didn't l get more'l ever?"-
Cincinnati Commercial Tribune.
Knew what struck him: DalyYe
were sunstruck, ye say? Why man
alive, the sun could never dlstigure q
mans face like that. Riley-Ye don't
know me son, ly.-Brooklyn Life.
Sword swallower: "Yes, John has
quit accepting invitations to dinner at
the Bagsleys'." He has? Why, what's
the matter?" He says their knives
are SO sharp they cut his mouth. Eek.
He-There is one thing in particular
like about spinsters. She-And what
is that? He-They never bore a fell
low by telling him how they used to
do and that before he was born
New Yorker.
Disabled: "Why don't you eat your
pie, Uncle Reuben? Don't you like
pumpkin pie?" Yes. like it all right.
but that young woman you've got help
In you around here took my knife
away."-Chicago Record Herald.
Bride (disconsolately)-H my we'd
ding presents are chep plated things.
Mother-Never mind, my dear; no one
will suspect it. have hired two de.
4 tectives TO make themselves conspicu-
GUS watching theni.-New York Week.
i ~.
Lady Visitor Ito little girD-What
became of the little kitten yon had
here once? Little Girl-Why, haven't
you heard? Lady visitor-No. Was
he drowned? Little Girl-Why. no. II
growed up to be illustrated
4 Bits.
Dashaway--A few short hours ago l
was sitting with a girl, telling her
she was the only one In all the world
ever loved, and SO forth, and so forth.
Cleverton--And she believed you,
didn't she? How could she help It'll
Why, believed 1t myself. Life.
Brand New: Mrs. Dove Henry, I
think you are positively cruel. Here
I've tried so hard to cook you nice
dinner. and you haven't had a word to
say to me about it. Mr.. Doye-DarlinR,
love you too much for that. II I'd
said what ISthought. you'd never speak
to me again. Boston Transcript.
Setting Himself Right: what do
4 you consider the greatest object Of In.
terest in England?" asked the inter.
viewer. WELL" answered the great
lecturer from abroad. II arrived here,
yesterday, and" '.Of course
exclaimed the interviewer, apologetio.
ally, II meant the greatest object OF
interest next to yourself. = Tit Bits.
Miss Bosting- 1t couldn't have been
very comfortable automobiling along
4 that back road yesterday. Miss Flurt-
ey-Oh! did you see Mr.. Huggard and
me? Miss Bosting-Yes, and when
saw you. you We're osclllating from
one side to the other. Miss Flurtey
oh, that's a lib! The CIRCULATING was
all on his side.-Philadelphia Press.
The Dominant Janitor: Mrs. Mccall
And what did you say your eldest
boys full name was? Mrs. De Coursey
Michael Brannigan De Coursey.
Mrs. MISUNDERSTANDING rather
odd. Mrs. De Corrsey-Yes, but, you
see, when he was born we didn't want
to move out. Mr.. Michael Brannigan
was the Observation-Disclosures Press.
Undaunted.-They dug the bruised
and battered form of the inventor out
from under the ruins of his flying ma
chine. II want to say" he whispered,
hoarsely, shat my invention is going
to be magnificent success! have
found out just what ails It'll" Waving
the surgeons away, he continued to
talk to the reporters. Chicago Trib-
une.
The Strategy OF Samuel: Proud
Father--I tell you, Sir, that boy OF
mine will be Al. wonder! Friend (wear.
ily)-What wonderful thing has he
done now? Proud Father Why, the
other day he ate all the preserves in
the pantry. ! overheard him say, az
he smeared the cats face with the (
stuff: I'm sorry, Tom. to do this, but
can't have the old folks suspect
me."-Smart Set
Alphabetically Answered.
A turn Of the political wheel had
placed the English Conservatives on
/ top and lowered the Liberals.
Not long afterward young and pre-
sumptuous member of the ruling gov.
eminent, who was sitting opposite
member of the defeated party at +
London dinner party. took that time
to say: