The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1903-12-12

Clerk-That back piazza is pretty
shaky. 1t may break down some
night. Proprietor Must it be rebuilt?
clerk-oh, no; light it uptown
Topics.
Say, mamma" queried little Mary
Ellen, whats dead letterP' "Any
letter that is given to your father to
mail, my DEAR" replied the wise moth.
er.-Chicago News.
"Now," said the teacher, "can YOU
tell me anything about Hiawatha 2"
Yes" replied Henry; sits the tune
that made Longfe.lcw famous."-Ch
cago Record Herald.
An old Scotchwoman, when advised
by her minister to take snuff to keep
herself awake during the sermon, re.
piled: why dinna We put the snuff
in the sermon, mon"
Frank-Tve got even with James at
last. Edward-How did you do it?
Frank gave his girl pair of pretty
vases, and he will be ruined in keeping
them filled with flowers.
Observation-Disclosures, don't you think
you can get along without SO much
company? am sure no one else would
stand it. Bridget-Sure, ma'am, thots
why Orm staying wild ye.
"Mr. Nozzleton," she said, "if you
try to hug and kiss me again 1 shall
call papa" where is your fatherY'
he asked. Hes in the Yellowstone
Park. Chicago Record Herald.
Does your wife do much fancy
work." Fancy work? She won't
even let a porous plaster come into
the house without crocheting red Dor
der round it and running yellow rib
bon through the holes.
Smith-May l make a confidant OF
you? Jones-Why, certainly. Smith
well, I'm hard up and want ter
pounds. Jones-You can trust me;
am as silent as the grave. / have
heard nothing.-Pick-Me-Up.
Newly made Bride - Mamma says
| she does not think we will ever guar
rel as she and papa do. Groom-Nev
er, dearest. Newly-made Bride-No
she says you will be much easier tt
manage than papa was.-Tit-Bits
Algy-Gwace has a hahwid father
When 1 awsked him for her hand
said, Love for your daughter has
dwiven me hawf cwasy. CholIy-Ant
then deah boy? Then the old bwute
said, Has, Ell? Well, who completed
the job?"
Hes an inventive genius, and the
most successful and prolific one 1 evel
heard Of" Always inventing some
thing new, eh?' mo; he's always in
venting something old and making the
public believe it's new."-Philadel
phia Press.
The presence of mind of an impecu,
NOUS lover was illustrated recently at
a bazaar, where there was stall for
the sale of watch charms. ooh
George" said the lady, buy me a
charm!" Sarah" answered he, you
have too many already"
Miss Romanz-Of course, you've
read that new love story of his? Mr.
Crabbe Geviewer)-Yes;I had to. Very
realistic, wasn't II? Miss ROmanz-
Oh, the idea! Why, the dialogue be-
tween the lovers was perfectly silly
Mr.. Crabbe - Well?-Philadelp
Press.
Fritz, German lad, and little Tom
were very fond Of each other, although
neither could understand what the
other said "Why, Tommy" said his
father, your playmate does not speak
English, does he?" NO." said Tommy
but when bumblebee stung him yes
terday he cried in English, and un
derstood him."
"Your huband, madam" said the
chief of police, has been arrested OF
the charge of arson" whats that
mean" demanded the woman. I'll
means that he is accused of starting
the fire at his place of business
that" Nonsense! I've been mar
ried to that man twenty years, and he
never would start the fire."
Mrs. Scrooge-I am writing to ask
the Browns to meet the Joneses here
at dinner, and to the Joneses to meet
the Browns. We owe them both al
invitation, you know. Mr.. Scrogge-
But I've heard they've just quarreled
and don't speak! Mrs. ScrOoge-I
know. They'll refuse, and we needn't
give a dinner party at all!-Tit-Bits.
One day when little Elsie came
home from school her mother asked
her what she had learned that day
Elsie replied, 81 learned to spell man
Tell me how you spell it, dear" sale
mamma. MAN, man." replied Elsie
And how do yOu spell boy?' 'You
spell it the same way, only with small
er letters" replied Elsie, after mo-
ment's thought.
Sccne-Platform of suburban sta
ton. Small crowd looking out for the
King Edwards Special, due to pass
through on it's way to Port Victoria
City Man-What's it all about? Por
| SnIyA n