The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1903-05-27
SAMkShAhAhAhAhSh
The Mule That
Went to Jersey

hS, say ., IL W am U CIV
gumption enough to say anythin', 1
says, git often that cracker bar'l,' l
says.
"'Cause the stranger that got outen
his wagon and tied his wall-eyed boss
to the hitchin' post in front of the
Eddy store had come in lookin' sou-
er than vinegar bar'l, and could see
that if his whiskers hadn't "a been
dyed they'd been as yaller as dandy
lines in medder. He looked around,
sort O. sniftin and snortin', and he
says:
"I'm headed for jersey says he,
and l can't git there none too soon,
says he.
Il seen to once that the teller was
stickin' up his nose at the Knob coun-
try, and first felt sorry fer him fer
bein' SO misguided, but after another
look around, and sniffin' and snort
in ag'in at what he see, he says:
"'1'm pinin' for Jersey! And the
more | look around me here he says,
the more pine!'
"Then that stickin' of his nose up
at the Knob country got to be agger-
vatin, and / didn't feel sorry for him
no more. Nose he sot on the cracker
bar'l where he didn't have no business
to be, cause he emit talk, and the
cracker bar'l is always the place for
the man to set on who can talk I
sot on the kit O. mack'ral, and the idee
of man who can talk bein' squatted
on a kit O. mack-ral!
Simon was leetle wan and weary,
cause business was slack, and was lay
in on the counter with his head rest
in on roll o. calico. Job was strad-
die O. the slab bottom cheer, chawin'
plug terbacker. None of 'em didn't
seem to pay no attention to the stran-
gers stickin' of his nose up at the
Knob country, and there was on the
mackral kit and couldn't half talk.
$50 when he shifted and snorted and
said he was pinin' for Jersey, and the
more he looked around on to us the
more he pined, I got so aggravated
that riz right up often the mack'ral
kit and 1 says to Nose:
Here 1 says, if you amt got
gumption enough to say anythin',' 1
says, git often that cracker bar'l!' I
says.
And Nose elm often the cracker
bar'l and / clim' on to it, and saws to
the Teller who was pinin' for j Jersey:
Ever been to Jersey?' I says to
him.
Ever been there!' he says, lookin'
around some more, and sniffin' and
snortin'. why, sandfeas a-hoppin'!
was born there!' he says.
Then I sort o. felt sorry for the
Teller ag'in, but he shifted and snort
ed and turned up his nose at the Knob
country worse'n ever and my aggerva-
ton come back to wunst
Many more jest like you down
there" | says, sort O. snippy.
Many more he says. Hull town
ships of emf he says. Jest like me-
he says, only Dustin sight more SOP
he says.
Then says I, that explains some
thin. That explains it, says, sure
as grass a-growin'!' I says. 4 never
knowed no one but old Joe's Ebenezer
that'd ever been to jersey says.
And I'll bet you two-year crap o.
cramberries that he's braggin' on it
yit!' says the sourlookin' Teller, stick
in up his nose more and more ag'in
the Knob country.
"'No,' ] says, he amt
Say says the Teller, huffy as Sam
Hill. DO you mean to set there on
that cracker bar'l and tell me that
he's sayin' anything ag'in it?' he says
No. says i. 4 don't, cause he
never said word ag'in it, says 1. Not
durn word,' says I.
Should say not the Teller saws.
And he hadn't BETTER says he, sniffin'
and snortin'.
And l grinned and said that he
could count sure on it that Ebenezer
never would, and then I sot square
on the cracker bar'l and SAYS:
Somethin' like three year ago. I
says, old Joe traded tract o. hem
lock, back o. the Knob, for a farm
some'rs' way down in Jersey. One day
he says to Shorty, which was his hired
man and a good un:
Shorty" says he, "there amt no
sort o. use. We've got to do somethin'
with Ebenezer. The better I treat him
the meaner he acts.
He won't go and pillow, he won't
work in haydn, he won't do nothin'
that amt cussedness. He up and
kicked the gray mare in the belly this
mornin', and she won't be worth a
snip for week. He got mad at the
old woman and chased her from the
cowyard clear to the house and into
the house and half way up the kitchen
stairs.
"'"There amt no livin' with Ebe-
nezer any longer. Somethin's got TO
be done. 1t seems shame to send him
out o the Knob country, but I'll have
to do it. I'm goin' to send him and
you to work the new farm down in
Shorty, he fit ag'in goin' down
Jersey" says old Joe.
Shorty, he fit ag'in goin' down