The semi-weekly messenger. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1897-1908, 1903-07-17
copyright. 1908, by Robert Howard

Once there was a ~long-headed Faith
er who had taken the Junior into the
Office and was trying to
eradicate the Greek and Latin from his
System.
The Junior was q Lovely Chap whose
Clothes came to about twice his Sala-
ry. He resembled the smooth-faced
Hero of a Richard Harding Davis $50
Book. By keeping his Hair neatly
gummed down and wearing the right
shape of Collar, likewise camping a few
tender Chords IN the Piano aud hold
ing up his end in a light weight Con-
versation, he a managed to elbow
his Way into the Front Row of hat
Select Division Of the Human Race
Known as the Landed Gentry, because
they get landed so often.
Bertrand F~lappingdale was the Name
of this particular CORRECTION. In Our
Set he was known as BERTHE and among
the Employees at the Shop he was
known as a Bluff. Bert's Pathway in
Life was so nicely Lubrcated and ev-
cry n was so aWfully Nice to him
that after q While he felt reasonably
Certain that the Earth and the Full
ness thereof had been dished UP espe-
cially for his Benefit and he could
cancel the Order any time that he saw
fit.
FIappingdale, Senior. had never
smoked Egyptian Cigarettes and at
tended Junior PromS during his Incu-
bator Period. He had been too busy
trying to make the Meal Tickets last
from one Saturday Night to another.
The only Time he got real hungry was
when he told how he used to work for
Six a Week and plant 500 a year IN the
P,ri11ip Or n md Iana10 ASSnniafinn had
been many Years since they took his
Boiled Dinners ava from him and
made him eat ArtichokeS but he was
still a Farmer at Heart. And when
they threw him into the long-tailed
Regalia with the misfit Tie, he had
zap stenclled all over himself.
You may take one of these selt-made
Luminries and wear him away from
his Pie and rub him with Silk Under
wear for years, but you cannot iron
the Lines of Rugged Character from
his Front Piece nor separate him from
the Homely Doctrines that were call
ed to his Attention by means Of Il
Hickory Cad some forty years earlier
in the Game.
Consequently, the elder Flappingdale
did not hit it off to any large Extent
with Berries Friends. most Of whom
had their Names already set up in the
Society Column 365 Days in The Year
but not one of them could have fig
ured a 2 per cent Discount, unless he
had taken a Day off. They did not
care for Business, but Business never
seemed to Languish much on that Ac-
count.
One of the Hard Jobs that Fate had
/ mapped out for F1appingdale, Senior,
was to prevent his blue-eyed Offspring
from beng abducted and snaked away
to the Altar. The Trouble was that
BERTHE wanted to be Abducted. About
every Change Of the Moon he would
begin to act more or less Dlppy ana
cut out the Office altogether and go
| Girl-Hunting in his cream-coiored
| Chariot with one Horse hitche0 in
front of the other one. Then the head
| of the Works woul have to caE him
in n put some Cracked Ice on him
| and get him cooled down.
The first one to lay him out and
| have him Fluttering was a 90-pounder,
| about six weeks from the Nursery. The
| cold-blooded Guvno begged him not
to rob the Cradle and wanted to know
something about her knowledge of
Housekeeping, which is invariably a
Stiff Jolt for Loves Young Dream.
While Bertrand was waiting for a
Chance to elope with the Bud, a New
Show came to Town and there tipped
across the Horizon of his Fresh
Young Life a Hurrah Soubrette who
wore Holes in the Stage every Evening
doing a very refined Coon Number.
From the moment when he looked UP
at her and saw that she had taken
notice of his Presence on Earth, he
passed into a Sweet Trance from which
he did not fully Awake until the
Troups left Town, when he found him
self watching the Red Light disappear
around the Curve and realized that he
| bod Mo J-oS hiS Nin1atC on the WrOnG
Number.
The Busy Lover always gOeS IRON
one Extreme to another, so the mex
Crack out of the Box what does BraSE
BERTHE do but get himself all worked
up to a Temperature of 1O4 over the
kind that is Known as Terribly Bright
The one he was determined to Marry
unless somebody got out an 1njunc'
ton. sat around in an off-color Kin o.
a sad, Mother Hubbard make up anC
handed out Brilliant Conversation tina
was good enough to be taken down IL
Shorthand and put right into a BOOK
She threw her Search-Light on tn
helpless Bertrand and daZzled him t.
a Fare-ye-well She got him into {
Turkish corner and told him of tn
Warnings of her Soul n all abon
her Empty Life and how she had crop
ed for an Affinity and although n
muffed a good many Of her Points ant
was clear Of the Ground most of tn
Time, he realized that he was IN IN
Presence of one who could take him b!
the Hand and show him a lot OF Ting
that he had never been wise TO, as yet
Sc he wanted to marry her and 81
around all Day with his Head on he
Shoulder and have her talk Copy
worth about 3 cents a Word.
Father noticed that he was off hi
Feed and looking wild out Of the EyeS
so he called him in and wanted t
know the name of the New One.
Cut it out" said he, when he hat
learned the Horrible Truth. "Home j
not a Lecture Bureau. l don't blam'
any Man for marrying a Woman VIII
has got the Intellectual Bulge on him
In these Days Of Thursday Afternoon
Clubs and Reading Circles. it's a Cheal
Grade of Wife who hasn't got the ne
end Of the Outfit beaten to a Pulp
Nearly every Woman knows moro thar
her Husband, but it helps some if M
has enough Gray Matter to enable hin
to chip in now and then if only to give