davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-03-15

which he returned to Main Street.
smoking a Farm Hand Regalia and
gazing thoughtfully at the Ground,
trying to straighten out the Panama
Canal Business
In the Afternoon he hung around
the Court House more or less because
he played a good Game of Checkers.
and besides he liked to be on hand in
case the State needed the Services or
an unprejudiced Juror.
Mr. Quinsy had a Weak Back which
prevented him from splitting Wood,
but he loved some kinds of Work and
the Honest Toll that suited him best
was to sit on Jury in a Case tnvolv-
ing Assault and Battery.
If there was nothing doing at the
Court House, Mr.. Quinsy usually went
to Real Estate Office and grappled
with the Trust Problems. He had
given much Thought to the Matter Of
legislating against Infamous Combines
and he was one of the first to discover
that the Trusts were trying to whip
saw the Working Glasses.
About the time that he had solved
the Trust Problem, he had to go ovar
and see the Afternoon Train go
through and walt for his Mail once
more.
Late in the Day he usually dropped
In at an Undertaker's Shop, where a
Veterinary Surgeon and a retired
Truck Farmer were collaborating on a
Foreign Policy for the State Depart
ment. Mr.. Quinsy was always able to
slip in a few Suggestions. He was
dead set against the Anglo Saxon Al
lance and believed in the Annexation
Of Canada even If 1t involved War.
AT $50 he would purchase a Pound
Of Oyster Crackers and have them
charged. Then he would go home to
Tea and tell Mrs. Quinsy and Daugh-
ter to fix up the Sofa for him, as hs
was suffering from a Headache and
wanted to Rest for a little while.
Moral: What we need in America il
the Gospel OF Relaxation.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-03-15

thropist. He is endowed with a kind
heart, but fearing that 1t might run
away with him and induce him to do
many things that would not be for the
public good, he has taken a course in
sociology, and now understands why
the reckless giving away of money is
very bad thing for the giYee. The reali-
Zation by students of sociology that
there is something more needed by the
poor than money has been of inestima-
bic benefit to the submerged tenth. So
when Mr.. Rockefeller finished his
course he saw the mistakes of his
father in presenting cash donations to
the poor, and decided that when he
began his operations he would give
them kind words, which is what they
truly want, or would want, if they
thoroughly understood scientific char
1ty. Scientific charity is the latest CRY
of naodernity. 1t educates the minds of
the poor before filling their stomachs,
and young Mr.. Rockefeller is becon-
ing one of its chief opponents. He is
full of love for his fellowmen, but he
does not desire to love them too much,
for that is bad for them. Kind words
are what they want, and Mr.. Rookie
Teller is disposed to act generously.
The fact that his assessment has re-
Gently been reduced from 100000 to-
$4,000 shows not only the effect of
kind words, but evidences the reward
that comes to man when he earnest
ly works for the uplifting Of humanity
Two Brains Too Many.
A discovery which cannot but be of
practical value in everyday life has
lately been made by one Prof. Earring
ton, who announces that our old friend,
the dinoSaur, had two brains, one in the
place usually reserved for brains and
the other in the extraordinary en-
largement Of the spinal column" This
will assist somewhat. The professor
further argues that the dinosaur must
have been Of remarkable intelligence;
though 1t by no means follows. Not be-
ing up in dinosaurs, but reasoning by
analogy from dinosaurs to human be-
ingS, we know of several instances
where one other brain like the one pos.
sessed by some beings would only re-
suit in confusion and distress. In the
dinosaur period brains may have been
lying around loose, but at the present
time they are so scarce that many
moderns are obliged to get along with
out any.
When Patti Comes.
Constant Reader: Adelina Patti was
born on Manhattan Island shortly after
1t was ceded to the Dutch. She is the
greatest living soprano and champion
short distance international marriage
artist of the Caucasian race.
Her Personal Recollections of Joan
Of Arc" have been enormously attTibu-
ted to Mark Twain, her only living con-
temporary. Her latest matrimonial
achievement was Baron Cederburg,
whom she has taken to raise.
When Patti comes and sings us Ger,
In haicyon tones we've heard before,
We must give DER our cheese and beer
And save our coin that We may hear
4 When Patti comes.
/ Old veterans Of that famous war,
/ When Washington Or freedom bore,
Left us degueIreotypeS severe,
4 In which is PATHS face sincere;
And we, the Sons and d. A. r.
4 Must cheer each wrinkle and each scar
When Patti comes.
Why Danesbury Fell Down.
Sometimes when a man Is deter
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-03-15

tional Problem he could do so with a
keen, active Brain that had not been
tagged out by any cheap exertion, such
as trying to locate the Winters Sup
ply of Coal.
Mr.. Quinsy had the solemn Phiz OF
a professional Pall-Bearer. and much
meditation had corrugated the Front of
the Dome. Those who merely caught
one Flash Of him and never looked
up his Record and checked off his Ped
igree thought he was about due to
break into the senate. To tell the cold
and icy Truth. Mordecai could not
have been elected Constable, but just
the same he knew aH about John Hays
next Move and sometimes he fretted a
good deal for Fear that John would
make Miscue and permit himself to
be Hornswaggied by them foreign Dip
lomatS.
Mr.. Quinsy could sit ON a Kit OF
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-03-15

Mackerel with a Bunch of Keys, a
Barlow Knife, a Plug of good eating
Tobacco and about 50 cents in Cur
rency secreted in his Jeans, and he
could tell the Treasury Department
just how to manage the next 100000
600 Issue Of Bonds.
One thing that worried Mr.. Quinsy
a lot was the possibility that Teddy
would make some serious Mistake. He
felt more or less responsible for Teddy
ware Store as far back as 1889. If he
could have been at Teddy's Elbow all
the time to whisper Advice, there
would have been no Chance for the
Administration to get balled up. But
the Trouble was that Mr.. Quinsy was
out at Peewee Junction and Teddy was
up at Washington, and they could not
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-03-15

get together to frame up a Policy.
MT. Quinsy was a man Of Regular
Habits and very MethodicaI. He had
SO much to do every Day that he had
10 work on a close Schedule.
In the Morning, after his Wife had
arisen and started to make the Fire,
and put on the Griddle, Mr. Mordecai
+. Qulnsy would arise and take a few
observations of the Weather. He was
very able PrOgnosticator and one Of
MS favorite Stunts was to get I'D in
the Morning and do a little Forecast
ing Tor the benefit Of his Wife and
Daughter
After Breakfast he put on his Over
coat and wrapped himself UP in a Com
1orter SO as not to catch Cold and lose
the Use of his Voice. If Nordecai +
Quinsy had lost the use Of his Voice
TINS Country would have been in a
Bay Way
Mr.. Quinsy knew a Druggist who
took Daily Paper and so, the first
I Ig every Morning, he went to the
Drug Store to find out what Foul
Break had been made by Congress.
AFTER reading the Paper he sat by the
Stove and laid out some Work for the
Ways and Means Committee.
After which he went down to the
Station to see Number Six go through.
After which he went to the Post
once to wait until the Mail had been
distributed. One day in 1889 MordecaI
received a Seed Catalogue and after
that he was encouraged. While waiting
for his Mail Mr.. Quinsy said a few
plain Words about the Kaiser and
stood up for the Monroe Doctrine.
About IL e'clocH every day Mr.. Quin-
Sy acted as Referee in a Pool Game
and then went over TO the Barber Shop
to look at the Illustrated Papers con-
tanning the Pictures of Footlight Fa-
Horites and Noted Criminals. Mr..
Quinsy being possessed of an Analytf-
cal Mind, was deeply interested in all
Murder Mysteries and for every Case
ne had few Theories OF his own that
would have been a great help to the
Police.
Just at IL o'clock Mr.. Quinsy went
home and ate a hearty Dinner, after
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-03-15

mined to forget himself and live solely
for the good he can do to others, he
finds his path strewn with tacks in
stead Of roses. Such was the case
with an altruist in New York, who
started the international Finance
Operating company" and who describ-
ed himself as a High Grade Invest
ment Broker, Expert Finance Operator
and Speculation Scientist" So self
effacing was this scientist that 1t is re-
ported he was dressed in a red cardi-
gan Jacket and his other articles of
apparel were sadly frayed at the edges.
In order to keep down his expenses,
his Office was a letter box in a cigar
store, and his residence a cot in
Bowery lodging house. He promised
his customers 1000 per cent a year on
their investments, and when question
ed by the police, remarked that his idea
was all right, only 4 did not have the
capital to work the scheme like those
Wall street expert finance operators
do" Mr. DaneSbury-for such was his
name-receiEed letters from all over
the United States, inclosing coin OF the
realm for investment, and among those
who contributed to his board and lodg-
ing we find the name OF one fair fnan
cier from st. Paul, who sent IS, expect
ing a stipend each month from its IN
yestnaent If Mr.. Danesbury had been
let alone and the police had minded
their own affairs, he might now be oc-
cupying a spacious Wall street Office,
with the other operators, but this is no
longer a free country for those who
would benefit their fellow men. All Mr..
Danesbury needed was time, mere
money and the continued confidence OF
his customers.
When Mr. Schiffmann named his
boat Carrie Nation, he might have
known 1t would not keep out of the
water. -Mab.>
St. Paul. March II. 1903.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-03-15
CHARGES OF PoLYoAMY
TO BE INVESTIGATED

Special Grand Jury VIII Be Called az
Salt Lake.
SALT LAKE. Utah, March 14.-At the
request Of County Attorney WesterveIt,
three judges OF the district court today
decided to call a special grand jury for
the April term to investigate "sundry
public offenses" alleged to have been
committed. referring to. the charges re-
Gently made Of the practice of polygamy
in this city and county. Statements in
the press that a member of the local ju-
dietary was charged with having recently
contracted plural marriages is believed
to have been instrumental In bringing
about the proposed Investigation
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-03-15
NOT ~eeAurIFuL SNOW"

0 the SCOTT The beautiful SCOTT
Soft as a kiss and as black as boot.
Drifting and falling on alley and street.
Failing also on the people you meet:
AS dark and as deep is this beautiful SCOT
AS the Democrats painted Apostle Reed
Snoot.
Ceaselessly. heavily cometh II down.
Clothing in mantle of sable the town:
Selling the features OF matrons and maid.
DyeinS all skins with an African shade,
Slowly evolving a city Of brunes
"a century more viii find us an co0Rs1.
PonpeiTs fate warns to constantly root
Or We VIII be buried in beautiful SCOT
Once was black as the beautiful SCOT;
Now no one knows but what I'm a beauti
For. thanks TO Smoke Jones and his little
finn -flaIn
The fairest of blondes Is as dark as am;
O why sh0n1d we fear to eEnbeZzle and
loot?
We may hide all our tracks with beautiful
st. Louis Globe Democrat
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-03-15
49, ~
81. = ?: ~ : -.zz ::T77-=
49,: AID Els ~ a B. LIE :S*:::$N.
The Modern Fable Of the Up-to-Date Atlas
- Who Carried the World On His Shoulders IL
Copyright. 1903, by Robert Howard Russell.

Once there lived in Jim Crow Town
a glowing Intellect who was Posted on
all the Issues of the Day.
Some one had to keep Cases on the
Government and prevent the whole
Outfit from getting out of Keller, and
so the JOB fell to Mordecai f. Quinsy.
Mr.. Quinsy found that he could give
his Time to regulating the Washington
Game, because his Wife did Sewing
and his Daughter was an Expert Ste
nographer. Between them they kept
him supplied with good scent Segars
and relieved his Mind of all Business
Cares.
He had nothing to worry him except
Affairs of State.
When he tackled a large Internal
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-03-15
TODAY'S, WEATHER.

Minnesota-Fair Sunday. except snow
near Lake Superior; Monday fair; fresh
northeast to east winds.
Upper ENTHUSIASTICALLY fair Sunday
and Monday; fresh north to east winds.
Iowa-Cloudy Sunday; Monday fair
Internationally fair Monday; fresh
northwest winds.
Montana and North Dakota-Generafly
fair Sunday and Monday -
South Dakota.C,loudy Sunday; probably
snow; Monday fair,
ST Paul Yesterdays temperatures,
taken by the United ed States weather bu-
the / twe yer hours ended 1t O'CLOCK
last night-Barometer corrected for tenn
peratq1Toe and eleyatlon Highest tempera-
tGre u.s. lowest tedmIR1e Pc 2s average
eter, 81 80; humidity, IS; precipitation, o.;
2 p M, temperature, %; p. m, wind,
northeast weather. cloudy.
Yesterdays Temperatures-
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-03-15

Since coal was put the free list there has been no
evidence that that Infant" industry in danger of be-
ing crushed by the coal of Europe There has
been cut IN miners wages. Why not try the exper-
nent OF putting OF the other necessaries of life on
the free st 1t suspected the beef trust and the steel
trust would survive just the coal combine has kent on
at the old stand - -
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-03-15

Philippine condition were known to the people of the
United States they would with practical rnanmity de-
mand change of national policy.
For the sake of few dollars this great republic can
not afford to be party to such crimes are committed
in the name of trade"
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-03-15

The latest theory in the Burdick case is so simple
that 1t is odd not thought of before by the Buffalo
police OF course he committed suicide Beating one
sell to death d with hammer is essentially Buffalo
enough if one is used to using the hammer
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-03-15

One disadvantage that confronts the proponents OF
the to send the militia ST. Louis lies in the
fact that the staff would have go along and
the state would be left absolutely the mercy OF any
invading army that might along.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-03-15

the Longfellow home In Cambridge today,
and left as a remembrance a belt OK
waupurn. Miss LOngfelloW was invited
to visit the tribe at Garden River reser-
walton, Ontario, next summer.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-03-15

The acclaim with which the British people received
the Rt. Hon. Joseph Chamberlain on his return from
South Africa goes to show that the British public knows
how to make the best of gold brick after it has
vested
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-03-15
indians Vlsit LonpfeIIow's pauahter.

BOSTON, Mass. March IA delega-
ton of Ojibway Indians in all their tribal
glory of raiment. paid a visit to Miss Al
ice Longfellow, daughter Of the poet, at
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-03-15

doc" Anes declaration that he would make the fur
fly on his return to Minneapolis is probably merely
promise to shave off the whskers that disguise him.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-03-15

King Edward has been restricted to five cigars a
day by order of his physician He is not a1lowed r.
smoke those given by applicants for jobs.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-03-15

It might be in the interest of economy for impress
sario Wenholzer get bed in the court house SO
he could give all his time to his legal business
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-03-15

Kentucky will soon be free from debt but the world
repay the obligations owes the Blue Grass
state for the unique nectar given mankind
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-03-15

If the Republican senate doesn't confirm DR.. Crnm,s
appointment, will the colored vote crumble and fall
away? 100
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-03-15

An act of justice done in making the salary of
the attorney general $500 year. There are some
other instances of injustice and inequality in salaries that
might be remedied
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-03-15

Minneapolis laments the fact that her streets are the
worst ever Let her come over and look at ours and
O' ~tAH
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-03-15

One must pity Reed Smoot when he thinks OF the
awful JOB OF explaining the intricaces of parliamentary
PEacticeo &n GA wife.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-03-15

washington time G. p. m, st. PauD.
Below zero.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1903-03-15
Why Danesbury Fell Down.

Sometimes when a man is deter
The Minneapolis journal., 1903-12-18
PRESIDENT ELLIOTT
A Dinner in His Honor by General WASH
burn at Fair Oaks.

A Dinner in His Honor by General Wash
burn at Fair Oaks.
General w. D. Washburn entertained
number of gentlemen at dinner at Fair
Oaks last night. The dinner was planned
to give few Minneapolis men an oppor-
tunity to meet the new president or the
Northern Pacific railroad, Howard Eli
lott General Wasfburn spoke OF the hlgh
regard in which Mr.. Mellen was regarded
in Minnea polls and all along the line and
of his great success in the management,
particularly of the operation, OF the ROAD,
making friends for it among all It's
patrons The man, he said, who succeeded
Mr.. Mellen had no picnic to maintain the
same high order of efficient management.
He felt confident, however, that his sue
cessor, Mr.. Elliott, would be equal to the
emergency. He had made a record al
ready that inspired confidence in his abll-
ity as a railroad man and General WASH
burn told him that he would have the sup
port and assistance of what he belleVed
to be the most loyal corps of assistants
and employees to be found identified With
any great railroad in this country.
Mr. Elliott expressed his extreme graft
tication at the cordial reception which had
been accorded him in the northwest and
was pleased to learn from personal obser-
Vation and experience OF the friendly at
titude of the public toward the Northern
Pacific road. He realized the responsible
ties of his position, but was encouraged at
the commencement of his administration
by the generous assurances OF good VIII
from such men as sat around him and by
the admirable condition in which he found
the property committed to his care.
Judge Koon felicitous in his re-
marks to the chief guest Of the evening"
He spoke of the Importance of Minneap-
oils to the Northern Pacific and of the
extremely friendly attitude Of the business
men of Minneapolis toward that road.
Those present besides the host and
President Elliott were: W. 3. Dean, John
Hannaford, Thomas Cooper and S. c.
Stickney, St. Paul; M. B. Koon, W. H.
Dunwoody Clinton Morrison, George w.
Peavey j. D. Mcmillan, E. Pennington j..
c. Eliel. A. c. Loring, George H. Part
ridge. Frank Carle, J. S. McLain and b.
c. Washburn.
The Minneapolis journal., 1903-12-18
Candies

In our selection for Christmas
Candy we have exercised the greatest
care to have none but the pure and
unadulterated, and we confidently
recommend any candy on our conn-
ters to be pure and wholesome. Hun
dreds of kinds to select from.
PRICES BEGIN AS LOW AS &c LIB.
OLD TYNE MIXED,
FRENCH CREAM MINED,
HONEY COMB MIXED,
PLAIN AND NUT TAFFY,
SALTED PEANUTS,
SALTED ALMONDS,
BUTTER SCOTCH WATERS,
BITTER SWEET CHOCOLATES,
SUNSHINE CUTS,
ZION KISSES,
GLACE BON BONS,
BOSTON CHEWING CANDY.
CANDY CANES, &c UP,
OLD-FASHIONED STICK.
\ beautiful assortment of fancy
boxes for Christmas presents. See the
display at the booth.
Boxes filed to your order with the
finest candies at reasonable prices.
The Minneapolis journal., 1903-12-18
TO PLEASE THE LADIES
Little Shop Novelties Include Import
ed Exclusive Selection for Sale

Little Shop Novelties Include Import
ed Exclusive Selection for Sale
Nowhere Else.
'The Little Shop of Vrooman's, on
quiet cross street, Z Sixth street
S, Is a boon to Christmas shoppers,
especially for men who want dainty,
novel things, but want aid and advice
in selecting them and a guaranty that
they will please. They will find there
every kind and price of handsome
gloves, filmy linen embroidered and
lace handkerchiefs, stocks, ties, coll
lar and cuff sets, lace ornaments. fans,
simple or costly, waist patterns, ETC.,
for the adornment and delight of the
fair sex. In lieu of making selec-
tions of articles they can be paid for
and a certificate secured that shall be
presented by the recipient, who can
then select her own gift.
In the bric-a- brac, leather goods
bead bags, miniatures and choice
small pictures there are no duplicates.
the imported articles all being in ex-
elusive designs. The stock includes a
quantity Of pretty trifies at a small
price that have the same hallmark of
exclusiveness as the more costly pieces.
The Minneapolis journal., 1903-12-18
CITY NEWS.
TOWN TALK

Harry Legg & Co are giving great val
ues now In diamonds.
A card plate and visiting card for Xmas
Beard Art Co., 624 Nicollet.
Pictures for presents-a real home gift.
Beard Art Co., 624 Nicollet.
Christmas gifts. diamonds, watches, etc.
j. S. Allen, Guaranty bldg. Open evenings.
At meeting of the council committee
on ways and means yesterday afternoon,
Beautiful white azaleas from 81 up at
MendenhalPs, 81 Sixth street S, Saturday
only.
Get our prices on perfumes, toilet sets.
hair brushes, military sets. Gamble u
Ludwig, druggists, 301 and 303 Hennepin.
Fred L. Gray Company, Guaranty build
ing, insures over 1000 residences and
stores in Minneapolis against burglary
losses.
Minneapolis lodge, No 1, X. p, will
confer the third rank this evening In It's
hall. second floor Masonic Temple. All
knights are expected to attend.
Subscribe for all magazines. papers,
etc. and get your binding done at Cen
tury News Stand. Third street. near
Hennepin avenue. ...>
Mendenhall, the florist, 81 Sixth street
S, Minneapolis, continues to get up the
finest funeral flowers. Also ships them
to any part of the northwest.
Burglars entered the residence of John
Halvorson on st. Anthony avenue, st
Paul, near the short line bridge, last night
and stole $40. Halvorson is a dairyman anc
was away from home at the time.
Steamer trunks with boxes for each
suit and silk hat the very latest de-
vice at Barnum's. Beautiful horr
goods in smokers and library sets and
odd pieces. See them at 715 Nicollet
The Standard Catholic Book Store is To-
Gated at 81 Fourth street S, second moor
between Nicollet and First avenue S
Hundreds of good things for sensible holi
day gifts. Open evenings. OBrien Bros.
prODrietorS.
The Minneapolis journal., 1903-12-18
FOOTBALL Men
ARE IN TROUBLE
TWO PLAYERS SAID TO HAVE
BEEN DETECTED "CRIBBING."
One Is a Member of the First Team
and Played in Nearly All the I'm
DOrtant Games This SeasOn-SuS-
pension or Expulsion of the Two
Is Probable.

Two members of the Minnesota
football squad are said to be in grave
danger Of suspension or expulsion
from the university. 1t is alleged that
they were caught "cribbing' in an
examination Tuesday. The professor
in charge of the examination took
away their papers and dismissed them
from the class.
One of the men in question is
member Of the first eleven and
played in nearly all the important
games this year. The other is mem
Der Of the second team. No official
action has been taken by the faculty,
and the students are wondering
whether leniency will be shown one
or both on account Of their services
in athletics. 49,.
If the men are suspended for the
balance Of the college year, it will
prevent their playing football next
fall. The rules provide that a stu
dent must finish the college year, un-
less prevented by illness, in order to
take part in athletics the year follow
ing