The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1903-09-19

Whenever a fair is given and cata-
logue of premiums for the various ex-
hibits and contestants is made up, there
should be an especial department for
the irresponsible fakir.
What would a fair be without the
fakirs2 They are expected by the
crowds just as much as the races and
the fat stock. The better the fair the
better the class of fakirs.
The men who sell peanuts or pop
corn are not in the fakir class. They
are simply butchers and they are the
lowest grade. The fakir must have the
gift of CAB that would fit him for the
stump, if he were in politics.
The two prize fazirs, and it would be
hard to decide which was the best, that
| entertained the crowds at the fair this
week and at the same time enriched
their bank accounts, are named Abrams
and O'Donnell.
| When it comes to talking they have
| the monograph beaten easily.
Abrams sold handkerchiefs to people
who generally do not use them and
O'Donnell sold fountain pens to people
who generally do their writing with
pencil and figure up their accounts
with a nail on a shingle.
Abrams has a face that would fit
him for a light opera comedian. He
has a couple of gold teeth and when he
smiles he shows them with that same
degree of open facedness that allows
Isadore Rush to exhibit her gold
molars.
Z Abrams had satchel slung across
his shoulders. The satchel hung in
front and was loaded with pocket hand
kerchiefs Abrams made his customers
believe that they were buying any
number from 10 to 30 handkerchiefs for
the small sum of 25 cents. Abrams
wandered about the swine pens and the
cattle barns. He would meet man
who looked as if his stock of 'kerch1efs
might be low
chiefs?" would ask Abrams as ne
| blocked the passage of the man. Inc
man didn't get time to say he had a
plenty until the fakir was on on mile
! dash for the champion leadership
I'm selling handkerchiefs that are
worth % cents apiece today for nothing
at all-all I want you to do Is TO carry
them away with you'll must get rio OF
them"-(There are no periods, commas,
semi-colons, questions marks or punct-
uation of any sort in Abrams speech-C
Now TIL tell you what I'll do I'll just
sell you this handkerchief for ,ourselt-
are married and if you are not married
one for. your best girl. CWhlle ne is
talking and as he mentioned each nanu-
kerchief he spread one out on his hano
until he had spread out half a dozen.)
Now I'll just keep right on ana n
4 give you one for your brother TAI TINS
point of the proceedings he began plling
/ folded handkerchiefs up on top OF the
ones spread out) This is not gold
! brick game-Im not selling you brass
door knob for gold nugget ana I'm
not selling you glass cruet stopper lor
a diamond-all I'm selling is nanoker-
chiefs-one for your father-in-law, one
for your NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. for your
uncle-one for your aunt-one Tor your
cousin-one for your niece-now mere Is
one for your sister-one for your moth
| er-one for your father-one for the
hired girl-one for the hired man-one
for the hired mans best glrl-one Tor
the hired girls sweetheart
couple for you extra and I'll just bundle
these all upv-(F1ere he turned his hand
holding the handkerchief over and the
eight or ten folded handkerchiefs fell
into the satchel, but the expectanr Gus
toner would never see that and Abrams
would tie the unfolded kerchfefs I'D
in another roll, shove the bundle to the
| customer and begin again)-"and Ill
bundle, just in memory of Jerry Simpson
one for Charley CurtiS-One for Joe
Bristow-one for Carrie Nation-one for
Mary Ellen Lease-one for'-but about
| this time the customer dragS forth
25-cent piece and escapes, thinking that
he has about twenty-five handkerch1efs.
more or less. for 25 cents when In reality
he may have anywhere from eight to
fourteen, but he has no more than
! Abrams can afford to sell for 20 cents
and still have good profit.
O'Donnell sells fountain pens and pat
ent never worn out pencils faster than
he can wrap them UP and all the time
he is discoursing on the merits OF his
wares. He exhibits the fountain pen and
proves that it will write by writing
with it. Then he asks some one in the
| crowd to drop the pen point, bend II,
drag it across a rough board, maltreat
and bruise it generally. After 1t has
been bent and twisted out of shape he
smoothnes it out between his fingers and
| writes with it to show that the treat
ment did not hurt it bit. He throws
in an extra box of leads and some extra
pens with the fountain pen and the nev-
er failing pencil all for % cents. NO
fake at all. He sells just what he pro-
sesses to sell and the articles do just
what he says they will, but the pencils
can be bought anywhere for ten cents
and so car. the fountain pens. O'Donnell
gets an extra five cents for the spiel re
makes and it's worth it.
The Nickel Plate road with its eastern
connections-the Delaware, Lackawan-
ma & Western and West Shore and
Boston & Maine railroads.&c. considered
by those who have patronized it as a
most desirable line between Chicago and
New York Boston and other eastern
! +oloc itS rlaoe ar10ng thp